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The Bab Ballads

by Gilbert William Schwenck

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...Assesmilk-cum-Worter, And told their errand toThe REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER. "What?" said that reverend gent, "Dance through my hours of leisure?Smoke?--bathe myself with scent?--Play croquet? Oh, with pleasure!"Wear all my hair in curl?Stand at my door and wink--so--At every passing girl?My brothers, I should think so!"For years I've longed for someExcuse for this revulsion:Now that excuse has come--I do it on compulsion!!!"He smoked and winked away--This REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER--The deuce there was to payAt Assesmilk-cum-Worter. And HOOPER holds his ground, In mildness daily growing--They think him, all around, The mildest curate going. Only A Dancing GirlOnly a dancing girl, With an unromantic style, With borrowed colour and curl, With fixed mechanical smile, With many a hackneyed wile, With ungrammatical lips, And corns that mar her trips. Hung from the "flies" in air, She acts a palpable lie, She's as little a fairy thereAs unpoetical I!I hear you asking, Why--Why in the world I...

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