Twenty Years of Hus'ling

BY

J. P. JOHNSTON, AUTHOR OF"THE AUCTIONEER'S GUIDE. "

PORTRAYING THE PECULIAR INCIDENTS, COMIC SITUATIONS, FAILURES ANDSUCCESSES OF A MAN WHO TRIES ALMOST EVERY KIND OF BUSINESS AND FINALLYWINS. 

_FORTY-EIGHT ILLUSTRATIONS_

BY

DENSLOW

THOMPSON & THOMASCHICAGO1902

COPYRIGHT, 1887, BY J. P. JOHNSTON. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 

COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY THOMPSON & THOMAS. 

 TO THE "HUS'LERS" OF AMERICA, OR THOSE WHO ARE DETERMINED IN THEIR EFFORTS TO STRIKE FOR INDEPENDENCE AND SECURE SUCCESS BY ENERGY, PERSISTENCY, AND HONESTY OF PURPOSE, I RESPECTFULLY DEDICATE THIS VOLUME. 

MY APOLOGY. 

After finishing all that I had intended for publication in my bookentitled "THE AUCTIONEER'S GUIDE, " I was advised by a few of my mostintimate friends to add a sketch of my own life to illustrate what hadbeen set forth in its pages. 

This for the sole purpose of stimulating those who may have been foryears "pulling hard against the stream, " unable, perhaps, to ascertainwhere they properly belong, and possibly on the verge of giving up allhope, because of failure, after making repeated honest efforts tosucceed. 

The sketch when prepared proved of such magnitude that it was deemedadvisable to make it a separate volume. Hence, the "TWENTY YEARS OFHUS'LING. "

 J. P. JOHNSTON. 

CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER I. 

Date and place of birth--My Mother's second marriage--A kindstep-father--Raising a flock of sheep from a pet lamb--An establishedreputation--Anxious to speculate--Frequent combats at home--How Iconquered a foe--What a phrenologist said--A reconciliation--Breakingsteers--Mysterious disappearance of a new fence--My confession--My tripto New York--The transformation scene--My return home with my fiddle. 

CHAPTER II. 

My mother wishes me to learn a trade--My burning desire to be alive-stock dealer--Employed by a deaf drover to do his hearing--How Iamused myself at his expense and misfortune. 

CHAPTER III. 

Selling and trading off my flock of sheep--Co-partnership formed with aneighbor boy--Our dissolution--My continuance in business--Collapse of achicken deal--Destruction of a wagon load of eggs--Arrested and fined mylast dollar--Arrived home "broke. "

CHAPTER IV. 

Borrowing money from Mr. Keefer--Buying and selling sheep pelts--How Isucceeded--A co-partnership in the restaurant business--Buying out mypartner--Collapsed--More help from Mr. Keefer--Horses and Patent rights. 

CHAPTER V. 

Swindled out of a horse and watch--More help from Mr. Keefer--How I goteven in the watch trade--My patent right trip to Michigan andIndiana--Its results--How a would-be sharper got come up with. 

CHAPTER VI. 

My new acquaintance and our co-partnership--Three weeks' experiencemanufacturing soap--The collapse--How it happened--Broke again--Morehelp from Mr. Keefer--A trip to Indiana--Selling prize soap with acircus--Arrested and fined for conducting a gift enterprise--Brokeagain. 

CHAPTER VII. 

Eleven days on a farm--How I fooled the farmer--Arrived atChicago--Running a fruit stand--Collapsed--My return home--Brokeagain--A lucky trade. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Three dollars well invested--Learning telegraphy--Getting in debt--Afull-fledged operator--My first telegraph office--Buying and sellingducks and frogs while employed as operator--Myresignation--Co-partnership in the jewelry and spectacle business--Howwe succeeded--Our dissolution. 

CHAPTER IX. 

Continuing the jewelry and spectacle business alone--Trading a watchchain for a horse--Peddling on horseback--Trading jewelry for a harnessand buggy--Selling at wholesale--Retiring from the jewelry business. 

CHAPTER X. 

Great success as an insurance agent--Sold out--Arrived atChicago--Selling government goods--Acquiring dissipated habits--Engagedto be married--Broke among strangers--How I made a raise--My arrivalhome. 

CHAPTER XI. 

More help from Mr. Keefer--Off to see my girl--Embarked in theAgricultural-implement business without capital--Married--Sold out--Inthe grocery business--Collapsed--Running a billiard hall--Collapsedagain--Newspaper reporter for a mysterious murder. 

CHAPTER XII. 

More help from Mr. Keefer--Six weeks as a horse-trainer--A mysteriouspartner--Collapsed--How I made a raise--Home again--Father to a bouncingboy. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Engaged in the Patent-right business--My trade with Brother Long--Thecompromise--My second trade with a deacon--His Sunday honesty andweek-day economy--A new partner--The landlord and his creambiscuits--How we headed him off--A trade for a balky horse--How wepersuaded him to go--Our final settlement with the landlord. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

Our trip through Indiana--How I fooled a telegraph operator--The oldlandlord sends recipe for cream biscuit--Our return to Ohio--Becomingagents for a new patent--Our valise stolen--Return to Ft. Wayne--Waitingsix weeks for Patent-right papers--Busted--Staving off the washerwomanfor five weeks--"The Kid" and 'de exchange act'--How the laundry womangot even with us--The landlord on the borrow--How we borrowed ofhim--Replenishing our wardrobe--Paying up the hotel bill. 

CHAPTER XV. 

Our visit to La Grange, Ind. --Traded for a horse--Followed by anofficer, with a writ of replevin--Putting him on the wrong scent--Hisreturn to the hotel--The horse captured--Broke again--How I made araise. 

CHAPTER XVI. 

Arriving at Elmore, Ohio, stranded--Receiving eight dollars on a Patentright sale--Dunned in advance by the landlord--Changing hotels--My visitto Fremont--Meeting Mr. Keefer and borrowing money--Our visit toFindlay--A big deal--Losing money in wheat--Followed by officers with awrit of replevin--Outwitting them--A four-mile chase--Hiding our rig ina cellar. 

CHAPTER XVII. 

Visiting my family at Elmore--How we fooled a detective--A friend inneed--Arriving at Swanton, Ohio, broke--How I made a raise--Disguisingmy horse with a coat of paint--Captured at Toledo--Selling myhorse--Arrived home broke. 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Mr. Keefer called from home--My mother refuses me a loan--Peddlingfurniture polish on foot--Having my fortune told--My trip throughMichigan--Arrested for selling without license--"It never rains but itpours"--Collapsed--A good moral--Making a raise. 

CHAPTER XIX. 

My co-partnership with a Clairvoyant doctor--Our lively trip fromYpsilanti to Pontiac, Michigan--Poor success--The doctor and his Irishpatient--My prescription for the deaf woman--Collapsed, and in debt forboard. 

CHAPTER XX. 

Engaged to manage the hotel--The doctor my star boarder--Discharging allthe help--Hiring them over again--The doctor as table waiter--Thelandlady and the doctor collide--The arrival of two hus'lers--How Imanaged them--The landlady goes visiting--I re-modeled the house--Mychambermaid elopes--Hiring a Dutchman to take her place--Dutchy indisguise--I fooled the doctor--Dutchy and the Irish shoemaker. 

CHAPTER XXI. 

The doctor swindled--How we got even--Diamond cut diamond--The doctorpeddling stove-pipe brackets--His first customer--His mishap anddemoralized condition--The doctor and myself invited to a countrydance--He the center of attraction--The doctor in love with a cross-eyedgirl--Engaged to take her home--His plan frustrated--He gets even withme--We conclude to diet him--The landlady returns--Does not know thehouse. 

CHAPTER XXII. 

Out of a position--Moved to Ann Arbor--How I made a raise--A return tofurniture polish--Selling experience--Hauling coke--My summer clothes ina snow-storm--A gloomy Christmas--An attack of biliousfever--Establishing an enforced credit--The photograph I sent mymother--Engaged as an auctioneer at Toledo, Ohio--My first sale. 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

A successful auctioneer--Playing a double role--Illustrating an auctionsale. 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

My employer called home--I continue to hus'le--An auctioneeringco-partnership--Still in a double role--A neat, tidy, quietboarding-house--We move to a hotel--A practical joke--Auctioneering formerchants--Making a political speech--Getting mixed. 

CHAPTER XXV. 

I continue to sell for merchants--Well prepared for winter--Trading ashot-gun for a horse and wagon--Auctioneering for myself--Mr. Keeferneeding help--How I responded--Turning my horse out to pasture--Engagedto sell on commission--How I succeeded--Out of a job--Busted--How I madea raise--A return to the Incomprehensible--Peddling with a horse andwagon--Meeting an old friend--Misery likes company--We hus'letogether--Performing a surgical operation--A pugilistic encounter--OurWild-west stories--Broke again--A hard customer--Another raise. 

CHAPTER XXVI. 

Helping a tramp--We dissolve partnership--My auction sale for thefarmer--How I settled with him--I resume the auction business formyself--My horse trade--I start for Michigan. 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

Auctioneering at the Michigan State Fair--Three days' co-partnershipwith a showman--My partner's family on exhibition--Oursuccess--Traveling northward--Business increases--Frequent trades inhorses and wagons--The possessor of a fine turn-out--Mr. Keefer againasks assistance--How I responded--Traveling with an ox-team and cart--Agreat attraction--Sold out--Traveling by rail--My return toOhio--Meeting the clairvoyant doctor--How I fooled him--Quail, twelvedollars a dozen--The doctor loses his appetite. 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 

A co-partnership formed in the auction business--How it ended--A newfriend--His generosity--Exhibiting a talking machine--It failed totalk--How I entertained the audience--In the role of a Phrenologist. 

CHAPTER XXIX. 

In the auction business again--A new conveyance for street sales--Mytrip through the lumber regions--A successful summer campaign--Awinter's trip through the south--My return to Grand Rapids, Mich. --Atrip to Lake Superior--Selling needles as a side issue--How I didit--State license demanded by an officer--How I turned the tables onhim--Buying out a country store--A great sale of paper-cambric dresspatterns--A compromise with the buyers--My return to Chicago--Flush andflying high. 

CHAPTER XXX. 

Buying out a large stock of merchandise--On the road again--Six weeks ineach town--Muddy roads and poor trade--Closing out at auction--Saved mycredit but collapsed--Peddling polish and jewelry--Wholesalingjewelry--Fifty dollars and lots of experience my stock in trade--Tall"hus'ling" and great success--An offer from a wholesale jewelryfirm--Declined with thanks--Hus'ling again--Great success. 

CHAPTER XXXI. 

Robbed of a trunk of jewelry--Only a small stock left--A terriblecalamity--Collapsed--An empty sample-case my sole possession--Peddlingpolish again--Making a raise--Unintentional generosity breaks meup--Meeting an old partner--The wholesaler supplies me withjewelry--Hus'ling again with great success--Making six hundred dollarsin one day--My health fails me--I return to Ohio--A physician gives mebut two years to live--How I fooled him. 

CHAPTER XXXII. 

A friend loans me twenty-five dollars--My arrival in Chicago--Fortydollars' worth of goods on credit--I leave for Michigan--Effecting asale by stratagem--Great success during the summer--Enforcing acredit--Continued success--Opening an office in the city--Paying my olddebts, with interest--My trip to New York--Buying goods from themanufacturers--My return to Chicago--Now I do hus'le--Immense success. 

CHAPTER XXXIII. 

Employing traveling salesmen--Depression in trade--Heavily in debt--HowI preserved my credit--I take to the road again--Traveling byteam--Deciding a horse-trade--My book-keeper proposes an assignment--Ireject the proposition--Collecting old debts by stratagem. 

CHAPTER XXXIV. 

Another horse trade--A heavy loss--Playing detective--My visit home--Aretrospect--Calling in my agents--A new scheme--It's a winner--Mr. Keefer and my mother visit Chicago--His verdict, "It does beat thedevil. "

CHAPTER I. 

I was born near Ottawa, Illinois, January 6th, 1852, of Scotch-Irishdescent. My great-great-grandfather Johnston was a Presbyterianclergyman, who graduated from the University of Edinburg, Scotland. Mymother's name was Finch. The family originally came from New England andwere typical Yankees as far as I have been able to trace them. Myfather, whose full name I bear, died six months previous to my birth. When two years of age my mother was married to a Mr. Keefer, of Ohio, amiller by trade and farmer by occupation. Had my own father lived hecould not possibly have been more generous, affectionate, kind-heartedand indulgent than this step-father. 

And until the day of his death, which occurred on the 10th of July, 1887, he was always the same. This tribute is due him from one whoreveres his memory. 

He had a family of children by his former wife, the youngest being ayear or two older than myself. Two daughters were born of this marriage. 

A mixed family like the Keefer household naturally occasioned more orless contention. More especially as the neighborhood contained those whotook it upon themselves to regulate their neighbors' domestic affairs inpreference to their own. 

Consequently, in a few years, Mr. Keefer was severely criticised for notcompelling me to do more work on the farm, and for the interest he tookin schooling me. 

As for myself, had I been hanged or imprisoned as often as thoseneighbors prophesied I would be, I would have suffered death and loss offreedom many times. 

The farm life was distasteful to me from my earliest recollection. Icannot remember ever having done an hour's work in this capacity exceptunder protest. 

From this fact I naturally gained the reputation for miles around, ofbeing the laziest boy in the country, with no possible or probableprospect of ever amounting to anything. 

But they failed to give me credit for the energy required to walk threemiles night and morning to attend the village school, which affordedbetter advantages than the district school. 

When but a small lad my step-father gave me a cosset lamb which I raisedwith a promise from him to give me half the wool and all of theincrease. 

This, in a few years, amounted to a flock of over one hundred sheep. Thesale of my share of the wool, together with the yield from a potatopatch, which was a yearly gift from Mr. Keefer, was almost sufficient toclothe me and pay my school expenses. 

I should here add, that the potatoes above mentioned were the product ofthe old gentleman's labor in plowing, planting, cultivating, digging andmarketing. 

While I was expected to do this work, I was seldom on hand except on theday of planting to superintend the job and see that the potatoes wereactually put into the ground, and again on market day to receive theproceeds. During all my life on the farm, one great source of annoyanceand trouble to my step-father was my constant desire to have himpurchase everything that was brought along for sale, and to selleverything from the farm that was salable. 

In other words, I was always anxious to have him go into speculation. Icould not be too eager for a horse trade or the purchase of any newinvention or farm implement that had the appearance of being alabor-saving machine. 

Even the advent of a lightning-rod or insurance man delighted me, for itbroke the monotony and gave me some of the variety of life. 

The rapid growth and development of my flock of sheep were partially dueto my speculative desires. I was persistent in having them gratified, and succeeded, by being allowed the privilege of selling off the fatwethers whenever they became marketable, and replacing them with youngewes, which increased rapidly. These could be bought for much less thanthe wethers would sell for. 

My step-father was a man of more than ordinary common sense, and oftensuggested splendid ideas, but was altogether too cautious for his owngood, and too slow to act in carrying them out. 

While he and I got along harmoniously together, I am forced to admitthat my mother and myself had frequent combats. 

There, perhaps, was never a more affectionate, kind-hearted mother thanshe, and I dare say but few who ever possessed a higher-strung temper ora stronger belief in the "spare the rod and spoil the child" doctrine. At least, this was my candid, unprejudiced belief during those stormydays. Why, I had become so accustomed to receiving my dailychastisement, as to feel that the day had been broken, or somethingunusual had happened, should I by chance miss a day. 

The principle difficulty was, that I had inherited a high-strung, passionate temper from my mother, and a strong self-will from my father, which made a combination hard to subdue. In my later days I have come torealize that I must have tantalized and pestered my mother beyond allreason, and too often, no doubt, at times when her life was harassed, and her patience severely tried by the misconduct of one or more of herstep-children, who, by the way, I never thought were blessed with thesweetest of all sweet tempers, themselves. At any rate, whenever I goton the war path, I seldom experienced any serious difficulty in findingsome one of the family to accommodate me. Notwithstanding, I usually"trimmed" them, as I used to term it, to my entire satisfaction, and nomatter whether they, or I were to blame, it was no trouble for them tosatisfy my mother that I was the guilty one, despite my efforts to provean "alibi. " For this I was sure to be punished, as I was also for everyfight I got into with the neighbor boys, whose great stronghold was totwit me of being "lazy and red-headed. "

I was, however, successful at last in convincing my mother that thoselads whom I was frequently fighting and quarreling with, were takingevery advantage of her action in flogging me every time I had difficultywith them. They could readily see and understand that I was more afraidof the "home rule" than I was of them, and would lose no opportunity tosay and do things to provoke me. 

One day I came home from school at recess in the afternoon, all out ofsorts, and greatly incensed at one of the boys who was two years olderthan myself, and who had been, as I thought, imposing upon me. I met Mr. Keefer at the barn, and declared right _there and then_ that I wouldnever attend school another day, unless I could receive my parents' fulland free consent to protect myself, and to go out and fight that fellowas he passed by from school that evening. 

"Do you think you can get satisfaction?" he asked. 

"I am sure I can, " I answered. 

"Well, then, " he said, "I want you to go out and flog him good thisevening, and I'll go along and see that you have fair play. "

"All right, I'll show you how I'll fix him, " I answered. 

About fifteen or twenty minutes later Henry and one of his chums camefrom school to our barn-yard well for a pail of water. 

I came to the barn door just in time to see them coming through thegate. Mr. Keefer's consent that I should "do him up" gave me courage tobegin at once. I went to the pump, and throwing my cap on the ground, said:

"See here, my father tells me to trim every mother's son of you thattwits me of being lazy and red-headed. Now, I'm going to finish youfirst. "

He was as much scared as he was surprised. 

I buckled into him, and kick, bite, scratch, gouge, pull hair, twistnoses, and strike from the shoulder were the order of the day. I feltall-confident and sailed in for all I was worth, and finished him inless than three minutes, to the evident satisfaction of Mr. Keefer, whom, when the fight was waxing hot, I espied standing on the dunghillwith a broad smile taking in the combat. I had nearly stripped myopponent of his clothing, held a large wad of hair in each hand, hisnose flattened all over his face, two teeth knocked down his throat, hisshins skinned and bleeding, and both eyes closed. After getting himselftogether he started down our lane, appearing dazed and bewildered. Ifirst thought he was going to a stone pile near by, but as he passed itI began to realize his real condition, when I hurried to his rescue andled him back to the water trough, and there helped to soak him out andrenovate him. After which his comrade returned to school alone with thewater, and he proceeded homeward. 

After that I had no serious trouble with those near my own age, as itwas generally understood and considered that I had a license to fightand a disposition to do so when necessary to protect my own rights. 

When my mother heard of this she said I was a regular "tough. "

Mr. Keefer said I could whip my weight in wild cats anyhow. 

She said I deserved a good trouncing. 

He said I deserved a medal and ought to have it. 

My mother never seemed to understand me or my nature until the timelyarrival of an agent selling patent hay-forks, who professed to have aknowledge of Phrenology, Physiognomy, and human nature in general. Incourse of a conversation relative to family affairs, my mother remarkedthat, with but one exception, she had no trouble in managing andcontroling her children. He turned suddenly to me and said, "I see, thisis the one. "

At this he called me to him and began a delineation of my character. The very first thing he said was:

"You can put this boy on a lone island with nothing but a pocket knife, and he will manage to whittle himself away. "

From this, he went on to say many more _good things_ for me than _badones_, which, of course, gratified me exceedingly. 

But it was hot shot for others of the family who were present, and whohad never lost an opportunity to remind me of my future destiny. 

This gentleman said to my mother, that the principle trouble was herlack of knowledge of my disposition. That if she would shame me at timeswhen I was unruly, and make requests instead of demands when she wantedfavors from me, and above all, never to chastise me, she would see quitea change for the better. 

He also ventured the remark that some day, under the present management, the boy would pack up his clothes, leave home, and never let hiswhereabouts be known. 

This opened my mother's eyes more than all else he had said, for I hadoften threatened to do this very thing. In fact I had once beenthwarted by her in an effort to make my escape, which would have beenaccomplished but for my anxiety to get possession of "the old shot gun, "which I felt I would need in my encounter with Indians, and killing bearand wild game. I might add that one of our neighbor boys was to decampwith me, and the dime novel had been our guide. 

From this time on there was a general reformation and reconciliation, and my only regrets were that "hay forks" hadn't been invented severalyears before, or at least, that this glorious good man with his stock ofinformation hadn't made his appearance earlier. 

The greatest pleasure of my farm life and boyhood days was in squirrelhunting and breaking colts and young steers. 

My step-father always said he hardly knew what it was to break a colt, as I always had them under good control and first-class training by thetime they were old enough to begin work. 

Whenever I was able to match up a pair of steer calves, I would beginyoking them together before they were weaned. I broke and raised onepair until they were four years old, when Mr. Keefer sold them for agood round sum. I shall never forget an incident that occurred, aboutthe time this yoke of steers were three years old, and when I was abouttwelve years of age. 

One of my school mates and I had played truant one afternoon, andconcluded to have a little fun with the steers, as my parents were awayfrom home that day. We yoked them together, and I thought it a cleveridea to hitch them to a large gate post which divided the lane andbarn-yard, and see them pull. From this post Mr. Keefer had justcompleted the building of a fence, running to the barn, and had nailedthe rails at one end, to this large post and had likewise fastened theends of all the rails together, by standing small posts up where theends met, and nailing them together, which made a straight fence ofabout four or five rods, all quite securely fastened together. 

I hitched the steers to it, stepped back, swung my whip, and yelled, "Gee there, " and they did "gee. " Away they went, gate post and fencefollowing after. I ran after them, yelling "whoa, " at the top of myvoice, but they didn't "whoa, " and seemed bent on scattering fence-railsover the whole farm. One after another dropped off as they ran severalrods down the lane, before I was able to overtake and stop them. Realizing that we were liable to be caught in the act, we unhitchedthem on the spot, and after carrying the yoke back to the barn, wentimmediately to school so as to be able to divert suspicion fromourselves. 

On the arrival home of my folks, which occurred just as school was out, Mr. Keefer drove to the barn, and at once discovered that his new fencehad been moved and scattered down the lane--which was the mostmysterious of anything that had ever occurred in our family. He lookedthe ground all over, but as we had left no clue he failed to suspect me. 

The case was argued by all members of the family and many theoriesadvanced, and even some of the neighbors showed their usual interest intrying to solve the mystery. 

Of course it was the generally accepted belief that it was thespite-work of some one, but who could it be, and how on earth couldanyone have done such a dare-devil thing in broad day light, when fromevery appearance it was no small task to perform, was the wonder of all. The more curious they became the more fear I had of exposure. 

A few days later while Mr. Keefer and I were in the barn, he remarked, that he would like to know who tore that fence down. 

I then acknowledged to him that I knew who did it, and if he would agreeto buy me a "fiddle, " I would tell him all about it. He had for yearsrefused to allow the "noisy thing in the house, " as he expressed it, butthinking to clear up the mystery, he agreed, and I made a frankconfession. 

After this, he said he would buy me the fiddle when I became of age, andas I had failed to make any specifications in my compromise with him, heof course had the best of me. 

I was not long, however, in getting even with him. I had a well-to-douncle (my own father's brother) J. H. Johnston, in the retail jewelrybusiness, at 150 Bowery, N. Y. , (at which place he is still located). Iwrote him a letter explaining my great ambition to become a fiddler, andhow my folks wouldn't be bothered with the noise. I very shortlyreceived an answer saying, "Come to New York at once at my expense; havebought you a _violin_, and want you to live with me until you are ofage. You can attend school, and fiddle to your heart's content. "

He also said, that after I had attended school eight years there, hewould give me my choice of three things; to graduate at West Point, learn the jewelry business, or be a preacher. 

When this letter was read aloud by my mother, in the presence of thefamily and a couple of neighbor boys, who had called that evening, itcreated a great deal of laughter. 

One of the boys asked if my uncle was much acquainted with me, and wheninformed he had not seen me since I was two years old, he said that waswhat he thought. 

[Illustration: OFF FOR NEW YORK. --PAGE 31. ]

My mother fixed me up in the finest array possible, and with a largecarpet bag full of clothes, boots, shoes, hats, caps and every thingsuitable, as she supposed, for almost every occasion imaginable. Afterbidding adieu forever to every one for miles around, I started for mynew home. 

[Illustration: ARRIVING AT NEW YORK. --PAGE 31. ]

On arriving at my uncle's store, he greeted me kindly, and immediatelyhustled me off to a clothing establishment, where a grand lightningchange and transformation scene took place. I was then run into a barbershop for the first time in my life, and there relieved of a majorportion of my crop of hair. 

When we reached his residence I was presented to the family, and thenwith the fiddle, a box of shoe blacking and brush, a tooth brush, clothes brush, hair brush and comb, the New Testament and a book ofetiquette. 

I was homesick in less than twenty-four hours. 

I would have given ten years of my life, could I have taken just onelook at my yoke of steers, or visited my old quail trap, down in thewoods, which I had not failed to keep baited for several winters insuccession and had never yet caught a quail. 

Whenever I stood before the looking glass, the very sight of myself, with the wonderful change in appearance, made me feel that I was in afar-off land among a strange class of people. 

Then I would think of how I must blacken my shoes, brush my clothes, comb my hair, live up to the rules of etiquette and possibly turn out tobe a preacher. 

I kept my trouble to myself as much as possible, but life was a greatburden to me. 

My uncle was as kind to me as an own father, and gave me to understand, that whenever I needed money I had only to ask for it. This was a newphase of life, and it was hard for me to understand how he could affordto allow me to spend money so freely. But when he actually reprimandedme one day for being stingy, and said I ought to be ashamed to standaround on the outside of a circus tent and stare at the advertisingbills when I had plenty of money in my pocket, I thought then he must be"a little off in his upper story. " Of course I didn't tell him so, but Ireally think for the time being he lowered himself considerably in myestimation, by trying to make a spendthrift of me. I had been taughtthat economy was wealth, and the only road to success. I thought howeasily I could have filled my iron bank at home, in which I had foryears been saving my pennies, had my folks been like my uncle. 

Altogether it was a question hard to solve, whether I should remainthere and take my chances of being a preacher and possibly die ofhome-sickness, with plenty of money in my pockets, or return to Ohio, where I had but a few days before bidden _farewell forever_ to the wholecountry, and where I knew hard work on the farm awaited me, and economystared me in the face, without a dollar in my pocket. 

Of the two I chose the latter and returned home in less than threeweeks a full fledged New Yorker. I brought my fiddle along and succeededin making life a burden to Mr. Keefer, who "never _was_ fond of music, anyhow, " and who never failed to show a look of disgust whenever Istruck up my tune. 

Before I left New York, my uncle very kindly told me that if I wouldattend school regularly after getting home, he would assist mefinancially. 

He kept his promise, and for that I now hold him in gratefulremembrance. 

[Illustration: RETURNING HOME FROM NEW YORK. --PAGE 34. ]

I made rather an uneventful trip homeward, beguiling the time by playingmy only tune which I had learned while in New York--"The girl I leftbehind me. " It proved to be a very appropriate piece, especially after Iexplained what tune it was, as there were some soldiers on board thecars who were returning home from the war. They were profuse in theircompliments, and said I was a devilish good fiddler, and would probablysome day make my mark at it. 

I felt that I had been away from home for ages, and wondered if my folkslooked natural, if they would know me at first sight, and if the townhad changed much during my absence. 

When I alighted from the train at Clyde, I met several acquaintanceswho simply said, "How are you Perry? How are the folks?"

Finally I met one man who said, "How did it happen you didn't go to NewYork?"

Another one said:

"When you going to start on your trip, Perry? Where'd you get yourfiddle?"

I then started for the farm, and on my arrival found no change in theappearance of any of the family. 

My mother said I looked like a corpse. 

Mr. Keefer said he was glad to see me, but sorry about that cussed oldfiddle. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER II. 

MY MOTHER WISHES ME TO LEARN A TRADE--MY BURNING DESIRE TO BE ALIVE-STOCK DEALER--EMPLOYED BY A DEAF DROVER TO DO HIS HEARING--HOW IAMUSED MYSELF AT HIS EXPENSE AND MISFORTUNE. 

I then began attending school at Clyde, Ohio, boarding at home andwalking the distance--three miles--during the early fall and latespring, and boarding in town at my uncle's expense during the coldweather. 

At the age of sixteen I felt that my school education was sufficient tocarry me through life and my thoughts were at once turned to business. 

My mother frequently counseled with me and suggested the learning of atrade, or book-keeping, or that I take a position as clerk in somemercantile establishment, all of which I stubbornly rebelled against. 

She then insisted that I should settle my mind on _some one thing_, which I was unable to do. 

My greatest desire was to become a dealer in live stock, whichnecessitated large capital and years of practical experience for assuredsuccess. 

This desire no doubt had grown upon me through having been frequentlyemployed by an old friend of the family, Lucius Smith, who was in thatbusiness. 

He was one of the most profane men in the country, as well as one of themost honorable, and so very deaf as to be obliged to have some oneconstantly with him to do the hearing for him. 

He became so accustomed to conversing with me as to enable him tounderstand almost every thing I said by the motion of my lips. For theseservices he paid me one dollar per day and expenses. I used to amusemyself a great deal at his expense and misfortune. He owned and drove anold black mare with the "string-halt" and so high-spirited that theleast urging would set her going like a whirlwind. 

Whenever we came to a rough piece of road I would sit back in my seatand cluck and urge her on in an undertone, when she would lay her earsback and dash ahead at lightning speed. 

[Illustration: SEE 'ER GO! SEE 'ER GO! THE CRAZY OLD FOOL, SEE 'ERGO. --PAGE 39. ]

Mr. Smith unable to hear me or to understand the reason for this, wouldhang on to the reins as she dashed ahead, and say: "See 'er go! See 'ergo! The ---- old fool, see 'er go! Did you ever see such a crazy ----old fool as she is? See 'er go! See 'er go! Every time she comes to arough piece of road she lights out as if the d----l was after her. See'er go! The crazy old fool. See 'er go!"

It was alone laughable to see the old mare travel at a high rate ofspeed on account of lifting her hind feet so very high in consequence ofher "string-halt" affliction. 

As soon as the rough road was passed over I would quit urging her, andshe would quiet down to her usual gait. 

Then Lute, with a look of disgust, would declare that he would trade the---- crazy old fool off the very first chance he had "if he had to takea goat even up for her. "

One day we drove up to a farmer who was working in the garden, and Luteinquired at the top of his voice if he had any sheep to sell. 

The man said he did not, and never had owned a sheep in his life. Iwaited until Mr. Smith looked at me for the man's answer when I said:

"Yes, he has some for sale. "

Then a conversation about as follows ensued:

_Smith_--"Are they wethers or ewes?"

_Farmer_--"I told you I had none for sale. "

_Interpreter_--In undertone, "Wethers. "

_Smith_--"Are they fat?"

_Farmer_--"Fat nothing. I tell you I have no sheep. "

_Interpreter_--"Very fleshy. "

_Smith_--"About how much will they weigh?"

_Farmer_--"Oh, go on about your business. "

_Interpreter_--"Six hundred pounds each. "

_Smith_--"Great Heavens! Do you claim to own a flock of sheep thataverage that weight?"

_Interpreter_--"He says that's what he claims. "

_Smith_--"Where are they? I would like to see just one sheep of thatweight. "

_Farmer_--Disgusted and fighting mad--"O, you are too gosh darn smartfor this country. "

_Interpreter_--"He says you had better not call him a liar. "

_Smith_--"Who in thunder called you a liar?"

_Farmer_--"Well, you had better _not_ call me a liar, either. "

_Interpreter_--"He says you can't beat him out of any sheep. "

_Smith_--"Who wants to beat you out of your sheep, you chump? I can payfor all I buy. "

_Farmer_--looking silly--"Well that's all right. When did you get outof the asylum?"

_Interpreter_--"He says he wouldn't think so judging from your horse andbuggy. "

_Smith_--"Well, I'll bet five hundred dollars you haven't a horse onyour cussed old farm that can trot with her. "

_Farmer_--"Who said anything about a horse, you lunatic?"

_Interpreter_--"He says if you have so much money you'd better pay yourdebts. "

_Smith_--"You uncultivated denizen of this God-forsaken country, I wantyou to distinctly understand I _do_ pay my debts and I dare say that ismore than _you_ do. "

_Farmer_--"Well, you are absolutely the crankiest old fool I ever saw. "

_Interpreter_--"He says you don't bear that reputation. "

_Smith_--"The dickens I don't. I don't owe you nor any other man a centthat I can't pay in five seconds. "

_Farmer_--to his wife--"Great Heavens! What do you suppose ails that'ere man?"

_Interpreter_--"He says he knows you, and you can't swindle him. "

_Smith_ (driving off)--"I think you are a crazy old liar anyhow, andI'll bet you never owned a sheep in your life. "

The reader will be able to form a better idea of the ridiculousness ofthis controversy as it sounded to me, by simply reading the conversationbetween Smith and the farmer, omitting what I had to say. 

The need of capital would of course have prevented me from going intothe live stock business, and the very thought of my being compelled towork for and under some one else in learning a trade or business, wasenough to destroy all pleasure or satisfaction in doing business. Thiscaused my mother much anxiety, as it was a question what course I wouldpursue. 

CHAPTER III

SELLING AND TRADING OFF MY FLOCK OF SHEEP--CO-PARTNERSHIP FORMED WITH ANEIGHBOR BOY--OUR DISSOLUTION--MY CONTINUANCE IN BUSINESS--COLLAPSE OF ACHICKEN DEAL--DESTRUCTION OF A WAGON LOAD OF EGGS--ARRESTED AND FINED MYLAST DOLLAR--ARRIVED HOME "BROKE. "

I became very anxious to sell my sheep in order to invest the money inbusiness of some kind, but could not find a buyer for more thantwenty-five head. This sale brought me seventy-five dollars in cash, andI traded thirty-five head for a horse and wagon. 

Thus equipped, I concluded to engage in buying and selling butter, eggs, chickens and sheep pelts. Not quite satisfied that I would succeedalone, I decided to take in one of our neighbor boys as a partner. 

He furnished a horse to drive with mine, and we started out, each havingthe utmost confidence in the other's ability, but very little confidencein himself. 

We made a two weeks' trip, and after selling out entirely and countingour cash, found we had eighteen cents more than when we started. We hadeach succeeded in ruining our only respectable suit of clothes, and ourteam looked as if it had been through a six months' war campaign. 

My partner said he didn't think there was any money in the business, sowe dissolved partnership. 

I then decided to make the chicken business a specialty, believing thatthe profits were large enough to pay well. Mr. Keefer loaned me a horse, and after building a chicken-rack on my wagon, I started out on my newmission. 

There was no trouble in buying what I considered a sufficient number togive it a fair trial, which netted me a total cost of thirty-fivedollars. 

Sandusky City, twenty miles from home, was the point designed formarketing them. 

I made calculations on leaving home at one o'clock on the comingWednesday morning, in order to arrive there early on regular market day. 

The night before I was to start, a young acquaintance and distantrelative came to visit me. He was delighted with the idea ofaccompanying me to the city when I invited him to do so. 

During the fore part of the night a very severe rain storm visited us. I had left the loaded wagon standing in the yard. 

Little suspecting the damage the storm had done me, we drove off in highspirits, entering the suburbs of the city at day-break. 

Then Rollin happened to raise the lid on top of the rack, and discoveredvery little signs of life. 

We made an immediate investigation and found we were hauling deadchickens to market, there being but ten live ones among the lot, andthey were in a frightful condition. Their feathers were turned in alldirections, and their eyes rolling backwards as if in the agonies ofdeath. This trouble had been caused by the deluge of water from the rainof the night before, as I had neglected to provide a way for the waterto pass through the box. The chickens that escaped drowning had beensuffocated. We threw the dead ones into a side ditch, and hastened tothe city. No time was lost in disposing of the ten dying fowls at abouthalf their original cost. 

We held a consultation and agreed that the chicken business wasdisagreeable and unpleasant anyhow. Then and there we decided towithdraw from it in favor of almost any other scheme either mightsuggest. While speculating on what to try next, the grocer to whom wehad sold the chickens remarked that he would give eighteen cents perdozen for eggs delivered in quantities of not less than one hundreddozen. I felt certain I could buy them in the country so as to realize afair profit. After demolishing the chicken rack and loading our wagonwith a lot of boxes and barrels, we started on our hunt for eggs. Wesoon learned that by driving several miles away to small villages, wecould buy them from country merchants for twelve cents per dozen. 

We bought over three hundred dozen and started back with only one dollarin cash left to defray expenses. 

On the way our team became frightened at a steam engine and ran fullytwo miles at the top of their speed over a stone pike road. We wereunable to manage them, but at last succeeded in reining them into afence corner, where we landed with a crash, knocking down about threerods of fence, and coming to a sudden halt with one horse and half ofthe wagon on the opposite side, and the eggs flying about, scattered inall directions. 

I landed on my head in a ditch, while the wagon-seat landed "right sideup with care" on the road side, with Rollin sitting squarely in it as ifunmolested. The mishap caused no more damage to horses and wagon than aslight break of the wagon pole and a bad scare for the horses. 

But it was a sight to behold! The yelks streaming down through thecracks of the wagon box. 

I felt that my last and only hopes were blasted as I gazed on thatmixture of bran and eggs. 

We were but a short distance from the city, whither we hastened anddrove immediately to the bay shore. 

[Illustration: THE EGG DISASTER. --PAGE 50. ]

There we unloaded the boxes and barrels and began sorting out the wholeeggs and cracked ones. After washing them we invoiced about twenty-sixdozen whole, and four dozen cracked. The latter we sold to a boardinghouse near by, and the former we peddled out from house to house. Wecounted our money, which amounted to five dollars and seventy-two cents. We then held another consultation, and decided that "luck had beenagainst us. " We also decided that we had better start at once for home, if we expected to reach there before our last dollar was lost. In ourconfusion and excitement we prepared to do so, but happened to think weought to feed our team before making so long a journey. 

We returned to a grocery store, and after buying fifteen cents' worth ofoats, drove to a side street, unhitched our horses, and turned theirheads to the wagon to feed, after which we went to a bakery and atebologna sausage and crackers for dinner. 

On returning to the wagon we found a large fleshy gentleman awaiting us. He wore a long ulster coat and a broad-brimmed hat, and carried a largecane. After making several inquiries as to the ownership of the team, where we hailed from, and what our business was, he politely informed usthat he was an officer of the law, and would be obliged to take usbefore the Mayor of the city. We asked what we had done that we shouldbe arrested. 

He simply informed us that we would find out when we got there. 

We protested against any such proceedings, when he threw back hiscoat-collar, exposing his "star" to full view, and sternly commanded usto follow him. On our way to the Mayor's office I urged him to tell usthe trouble, but in vain. I thought of every thing I had ever done, andwondered if there were any law against accidentally breaking eggs orhaving chickens die on our hands. We arrived there only to find that theMayor was at dinner. 

The suspense was terrible!

The more I thought about it, the more guilty I thought I was. 

In a few moments he returned, and I am certain I looked and acted asthough I had been carrying off a bank. 

When his Majesty took his seat, the officer informed him that we hadbeen violating the city ordinance by feeding our horses on the streets. The Executive asked what we had to say for ourselves. 

We acknowledged the truth of the statement, but undertook to explain ourignorance of the law. 

He reminded us that ignorance of law excused no one, and our fine wouldbe five dollars and costs, the whole amount of which would be sevendollars and fifty cents. 

At this juncture we saw the necessity for immediate action towards ourdefense, as the jail was staring us in the face. 

Rollin, who was older and more experienced than myself, and withal abrilliant sort of lad, took our case in hand and made a plea that wouldhave done credit to a country lawyer. 

It resulted in a partial verdict in our favor, for after explaining ourmisfortunes and that all the money we had left was five dollars andthirty-seven cents, and as proof of our statement counted it out on hisdesk, he remitted what we lacked, but said as he raked in the pile, "Well, boys, I am very sorry for your misfortunes and will let you downeasy this time, but you must be more careful hereafter. "

I replied that he needn't have any fears of our ever violating theircity ordinance again, as it was my impression that would be our lastvisit there. 

We left for home without any further ceremony, neither seeming to haveanything particular to say. I don't believe half a dozen words passedbetween us during the whole twenty miles ride. 

On arriving home my mother anxiously inquired how I came out with mychicken deal. 

"Well, I came out alive, " I replied. 

"How much money did you make?" she asked. 

"How much money did I make? Well, when I got to Sandusky I discoveredall my chickens were dead but ten, " and explained the cause. 

"Where have you been that you did not return home sooner?" she askednext. 

I explained my egg contract and my trip in the country to procure them. 

"Well, how was that speculation?" she asked. 

"About the same as with the chickens, " was my answer. When I enteredinto particulars concerning the wreck she became greatly disgusted, andsarcastically remarked:

"I am really surprised that you had sense enough to come home beforelosing your last dollar. "

"Well, " I replied, "I am gratified to know that such a condition ofaffairs would be no surprise to you, as it is an absolute fact that Ihave been cleaned out of not only my last dollar but my last penny. "

I then rehearsed the visit to the Mayor and its results. 

She gave me an informal notice that my services were required in thepotato patch, and to fill the position creditably I should rise at fiveo'clock on the following morning. 

CHAPTER IV. 

BORROWING MONEY FROM MR. KEEFER--BUYING AND SELLING SHEEP PELTS--HOW ISUCCEEDED--A CO-PARTNERSHIP IN THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS--BUYING OUT MYPARTNER--COLLAPSED--MORE HELP FROM MR. KEEFER--HORSES AND PATENT RIGHTS. 

I hardly complied with my mother's five o'clock order. When I did ariseI sought Mr. Keefer, to whom I told the story of my misfortunes. Helistened attentively and said he could easily see that it was bad luck, and he believed I would yet be successful. I explained to him that if hewould lend me fifteen dollars, I could engage in buying sheep pelts, which could neither drown, suffocate nor break. 

He complied with my request, and I started out that morning with only myown horse hitched to a light wagon. 

Rollin, having finished his visit, left for home the same day. 

I bought several pelts during the day, and sold them to a dealer beforereturning home, making a profit of three dollars. 

This was the first success I had met with during my three weeks'experience, and was certainly very encouraging. I continued in thebusiness until cold weather, when I had cleared one hundred dollars. 

I then began looking about for a chance to invest what I had made, asthe weather was too cold to continue traveling in the country. 

I was not long in finding an opportunity to invest with an old schoolmate in a restaurant. 

It took about sixty days to learn that the business would not supporttwo persons. As he was unable to buy me out, I made him an offer of myhorse for his share, I to assume all liabilities of the firm, whichamounted to about one hundred dollars. 

He accepted my proposition. I sold the remainder of my flock of sheep, and paid the debts. I kept on with the business, meeting with splendidsuccess in selling cigars and confectionery and feeding any number of myacquaintances, for which I received promises to pay, and which up to thepresent writing have never been collected. 

When spring came, my liabilities were two hundred and fifty dollars, and no stock in trade. My available assets were a lot of marred andbroken furniture which I peddled out in pieces, receiving in cash aboutone hundred dollars which I applied on my debts. 

I called on Mr. Keefer with a full explanation of "just how it allhappened, " and he said he could see how it occurred, and withouthesitation endorsed a note with me to raise the balance of myindebtedness. 

Now I began looking for something else to engage in. 

It was the wrong time of year for buying sheep pelts. My funds exhaustedand in debt besides, I felt anxious to strike something very soon. 

My mother still insisted that I should learn a trade or get steadyemployment somewhere. I told her there was nothing in it. She claimedthere was a living in it, which I admitted, but declared if I kept"hustling" I would accomplish that much anyhow. 

She gave me to distinctly understand that Mr. Keefer would sign no morenotes nor loan me a dollar in money thereafter. Mr. Keefer held a noteof fifty dollars against a man, not yet due, which he handed to me thatsame morning, saying if I could use it I could have it. 

A young in our village had just patented an invention for closing gatesand doors. He offered me the right for the State of Illinois for thisnote, which I readily accepted. 

In a few days I traded my right in this patent for six counties inMichigan and Indiana in a patent pruning shears, an old buck sheep, aknitting machine, an old dulcimer, a shot-gun and a watch. 

I traded all of the truck except the watch, for an old gray mare. Thencommenced a business of trading horses and watches. 

In this I was quite successful during the summer and fall. I had paid myboard and clothed myself comfortably, and was the owner of a horse whichI had refused a large sum for, besides an elegant watch which I valuedhighly. 

My mother said it was a regular starved-to-death business. 

Mr. Keefer said he knew I would make it win. 

CHAPTER V. 

SWINDLED OUT OF A HORSE AND WATCH--MORE HELP FROM MR. KEEFER--HOW I GOTEVEN IN THE WATCH TRADE--MY PATENT RIGHT TRIP TO MICHIGAN ANDINDIANA--ITS RESULTS--HOW A WOULD-BE SHARPER GOT COME UP WITH. 

One day as I was passing the house of a neighboring farmer he came outand hailed me. 

"How's business?" he asked. 

"O, first-class, " I answered. 

"Don't you want to trade your horse and watch for a very fine goldwatch?" he asked, confidentially. 

"Why, I don't know. "

"Well, " he remarked, "I have owned such a watch for three years, andhave no use for one of so much value. A cheaper one will do me just aswell, and I am ready to give you a good trade. "

I entered the house with him, and he said: "Wife, bring me that goldwatch from the other room. "

"All right, " she said, and brought the watch and handed it to me, saying as she did so, "I have been in constant fear for three years ofhaving that watch stolen from us, and I hope my husband will trade itoff, and relieve me of so much anxiety. "

I took it, examined it and discovered a small rusty spot in the insideof one of the cases. I called their attention to it and said, "I don'treally like the looks of that spot. "

"Well, sir, " said he, "if you don't like the looks of that rusty spot, just leave it right where it is. But if you like it well enough to giveme your horse and watch and chain for it, all right. If not, there willbe no harm done. "

His independence caught me, I traded at once. 

I walked back home with much pride, and showed my new watch to thefolks. 

My mother looked at it suspiciously and said, in rather a sneering tone, "Why, it looks like a cheap brass watch, and I believe it is. "

"O, I think that watch is all right, " said Mr. Keefer, in an assuringmanner, "and I believe he has made a good trade. We'll hitch up the teamand go down to Geo. Ramsey (the jeweler) and see what he has to sayabout it. "

So we started off and handed the watch to Mr. Ramsey. He looked it overcarefully and said:

"Well, Perry, it is so badly out of repair that it would not pay you tohave it fixed. "

"What would be the expense?"

"About five dollars. "

"After being put in good order what would it be worth?" I confidentlyasked again. 

"Well, Mr. Close, the auctioneer down street, has been selling them forthree dollars and a half apiece. "

I put the watch in my pocket, and thanking him, left the store, andexplained to Mr. Keefer "just how it all happened. "

He said he thought "it was enough to fool any one. "

I then borrowed fifteen dollars of him, to "sort of bridge me over, "until I could get on my feet again. 

I kept quiet about my trade. In fact, _I had nothing to say_. I simplytold two or three of my acquaintances who I thought might help me out. 

A few days after this a gentleman from Kentucky made his appearance onthe streets with a patent rat trap. 

One of the men to whom I had shown the watch, happened to be talking tohim as I passed by, and remarked:

"That red-headed fellow owns a watch which he traded a horse and nicewatch for a few days ago, and I believe you can trade him territory inyour patent for it. "

"I'll give you ten dollars if you will help me put it through, " said therat trap man. 

"All right, I'll help you, " said my friend. 

It was not long before I was found and induced to look at the rat trap. 

I was immensely pleased with it, and felt certain I could sell a rattrap to every farmer in the country, if I had the right to do so. 

"What is the price of Sandusky County?"

"One hundred dollars. "

"Well, I guess the price is reasonable enough, " I said, "but I haven'tgot the money. "

"What have you got to 'swap'?"

"I don't think I have anything, " I answered. 

"Haven't you got a horse, town lot or watch? I am in need of a goodwatch and I would give some one an extra good trade for one. "

I replied: "I have a watch, but I don't care to trade it off. "

"Let me see it, " said he. After looking it over, he said:

"It suits me first-rate. How will you trade?"

"I'll trade for one hundred dollars and Sandusky County. "

"No, " he said, "I'll give you fifty dollars in cash, and the County. "

"I won't take that, " I said, "but I'll tell you what I will do. I'lltake seventy-five dollars. "

"I'll split the difference with you. "

"All right, make out the papers. "

He did so, and handed me over sixty-two dollars and fifty cents and thepatent, (which I still own), for my watch. 

An hour afterwards I met the Kentuckian who excitedly informed me thatthe watch was not gold. I frankly admitted that I knew it was not, andthat I didn't remember of ever saying it was. He had paid my friend fivedollars of the ten he had promised, and his reason for not paying thebalance was because he had been obliged to pay cash difference to makethe trade. 

He looked crest-fallen and discouraged and took the first train out oftown, "a sadder and a wiser man. "

With my sixty odd dollars and a sample pair of pruning shears, I leftfor Michigan, to take orders, and if possible, to sell some portion orall of my six counties. In that invention I owned Branch, Hillsdale andLeneway Counties in Michigan, and Steuben, La Grange and St. Joseph inIndiana. 

I arrived at Bronson, Michigan, from which point I started out takingorders. My success was immense, but I was somewhat handicapped for thereason that none of the farmers wanted the shears delivered to thembefore the coming spring. 

At last I found a customer for the Michigan counties, and traded themfor a handsome bay horse which I bought a saddle for, and rode throughto Ohio. On arriving home I explained my success in taking orders. 

My mother said I was a goose for not staying there and working up a nicebusiness, instead of fooling away the territory for a horse. 

Mr. Keefer said he would rather have the horse than all the territory inthe United States. 

I traded the horse to one of our neighbors for a flock of sheep and soldthem for one hundred and twenty-five dollars. I then started for LaGrange, Indiana, to dispose of my other three counties. I took severalorders on the following Saturday, as many farmers were in town that day. 

The next Monday I received word from one of the wealthiest men of thetown that he would buy some territory in my patent if satisfactory termscould be made. I called upon him and we were not long in striking abargain. 

He agreed to give his note payable in one year for three hundreddollars, for my three counties. 

We made out the papers, and as he was about to sign the note he demandedthat I write on the face of it the following: "This note was given for apatent right. " I refused at first, but when informed it was according tolaw I complied. 

When I called upon a money loaner he laughed and said he wouldn't giveme one dollar for such a note, as he wouldn't care to buy a lawsuit. Hesaid when the note came due it would be easier for the maker of it toprove the worthlessness of the patent than it would for him to prove itwas valuable. 

I saw the point, and realized that I had been duped. 

I made preparations to leave for home on the morning train. During thenight I conceived an idea which I thought if properly manipulated wouldbring me out victorious. 

The next morning I called on my customer at his office, and in thepresence of his clerks said:

"Mr. ----, I have been thinking over my affairs, and find I will be verymuch in need of money six months from now, and if you will draw up a newnote, making it come due at that time, I will throw off twenty-fivedollars, and give you back this note. "

He agreed, and after I drew up the note for two hundred and seventy-fivedollars I handed it to him to sign, and then stepped back out ofreasonable reach of him, when he looked up and said:

"Well, here, you want to add that clause. "

"That's all right, " said I, "go on and sign it. It can be added just aswell afterwards. "

He did so and I picked it up, folded it and put it into my pocket, as Ipassed the old note to him. 

[Illustration: "BUT YOU MUST ADD THAT CLAUSE. "

"OH, NO, I GUESS I MUST NOT. "--PAGE 68. ]

"But you must add that clause, " he remarked. 

"O, no, " said I, "I guess I must not. This last note was not given for apatent right. It was given for the old note, the same as if you haddiscounted it. "

Then he saw the point, and I had the pleasure of receiving two hundredand sixty-five dollars cash from him for his paper. With this I startedfor home, highly elated with my success. 

CHAPTER VI. 

MY NEW ACQUAINTANCE AND OUR CO-PARTNERSHIP--THREE WEEKS' EXPERIENCEMANUFACTURING SOAP--THE COLLAPSE--HOW IT HAPPENED--BROKE AGAIN--MOREHELP FROM MR. KEEFER--A TRIP TO INDIANA--SELLING PRIZE SOAP WITH ACIRCUS--ARRESTED AND FINED FOR CONDUCTING A GIFT ENTERPRISE--BROKEAGAIN. 

On my way home, I formed the acquaintance of a young man, Fleming byname, who had been employed in a soap factory in Chicago, and was on hisway to Toledo, where his parents resided. He said he had a new recipefor making a splendid toilet soap, which could be put on the market forless money and with a larger profit than any other ever manufactured. 

With a little capital and an enterprising salesman on the road, afortune could be made very soon. 

I stated the amount of my cash capital, and assured him of my ability asa salesman, and my desire to engage in a good paying business. 

When we arrived at Toledo, and before we separated, we had nearlycompleted arrangements for forming a co-partnership, I agreeing toreturn in a few days for that purpose. I hastened home and notified myfolks of my success. 

My mother said "it was merely a streak of good luck. " Mr. Keefer said"he didn't know about that. "

She said I had better leave enough with them to pay that note of onehundred and fifty dollars, which would soon come due, but Mr. Keefersaid it wasn't due yet and there was no hurry about it anyhow, and thatI had better invest it in that soap business. 

I returned to Toledo, where I met Mr. Fleming, who had rented a buildingand contracted for materials and utensils. We started our business underthe firm name of "Johnston & Fleming, Manufacturers of Fine ToiletSoap. "

I advanced the necessary money to meet our obligations, after which wemade up a sample lot, and I started on the road. 

My orders were taken on condition that the goods were to be paid forpromptly in ten days. 

I sold to druggists and grocers, and made enough sales in one week tokeep our factory running to its "fullest capacity" for at least fourweeks. I then returned to Toledo and began filling orders. 

As soon as ten days had expired, after having sent out our first orders, we began sending out statements, asking for remittances. 

We received but two small payments, when letters began pouring in fromour customers condemning us and our soap. 

The general complaint was that it had all dried or shriveled up, and assome claimed, evaporated. 

One druggist wrote in, saying the soap was there, or what there was leftof it, subject to our orders. He was thankful he had not sold any of it, and was glad he had discovered the fraud before it had entirelydisappeared and before he had paid his bill!

Another druggist stated that he had analyzed it and would swear that itwas made of "wind and water;" while still another declared that his wifehad attempted to wash with a cake of it, and was obliged to send downtown for some "soap" to remove the grease from her hands. 

After reading a few of these letters, I opened my traveling case, tookout my original sample box, and discovered at once that in shaking it, it rattled like a rattle-box. I raised the cover and found my twelvesweet-scented, pretty cakes of soap had almost entirely withered away, and the odor was more like a glue factory than a crack toilet soap. Wemade strenuous efforts to satisfy them, by making all manner of excusesand apologies but to no purpose. In every instance "the soap was theresubject to our orders. "

My partner was much chagrined at the outcome and sudden collapse of ourfirm, and no doubt felt the situation more deeply than myself, althoughI was the loser financially. 

After borrowing money enough from an old school-mate, I paid my boardbill and bought a ticket for home. I had been away less than four weeks. 

I first met Mr. Keefer at the barn and explained to him "just how it allhappened, " and how the soap dried up, and how I had become stranded atToledo and borrowed money to get home with. 

He said he guessed he would have to let me have the money to pay thefellow back, as I had promised, which he did, and a few dollars besides. 

I then went to the house and explained matters to my mother. 

She said I might have known just how that soap business would end, andreminded me of the request she made about leaving money enough to paythe note and informed me that I needn't expect any help from Mr. Keefer, for he should not give me a penny. 

The next day while in town, I met and got into conversation with afriend who was on his way to Huntington, Ind. , to take a position as anagent for selling fruit trees. He showed me a letter from the Generalagent of an Eastern nursery, who stated that there were vacancies atHuntington for half a dozen live, enterprising young men. I had justabout cash enough to pay my fare there, and decided to go. 

We arrived there the next day, only to find that the fruit tree men hadgone to the southern part of the State. 

I explained to Charlie that I was rather low financially, when heinformed me that he was a little short himself, but that I could restassured that so long as he had any money he would divide. 

Forepaugh's Menagerie was advertised to be at Huntington two days later, and we decided to await its arrival and see what might turn up in ourfavor. 

The menagerie arrived and drew an immense crowd of people. 

I had frequently seen men sell prize packages at fairs, and conductingalmost all kinds of schemes to make money, and it occurred to me thatwith such a large crowd, and so few street salesmen, there was a goodopportunity for making money, if one could strike the right thing. 

I consulted with Charlie, who said he would be able to raise about twodollars after paying our board. 

I suggested my plan, which he considered favorably. 

We purchased a tin box and three large cakes of James S. Kirk's laundrysoap, and some tinfoil. 

[Illustration: WILL REMOVE TAR, PITCH, PAINT, OIL OR VARNISH FROM YOURCLOTHING--PAGE 76. ]

We cut the soap into small, equal sized cakes about three inches long, and a half inch square at the ends. We then cut small strips of writingpaper, and after marking 25c on some of them and 50c, 75c, and $1. 00 and$2. 00 on an occasional one, we pasted a strip of this paper on each cakeof soap, some prizes and many blanks. We then cut the tinfoil andwrapped it nicely around the soap and put it into the tin box. Thenafter borrowing a couple of boxes and a barrel from a merchant, putthem out on the street and turned the barrel bottom side up on top ofone of the boxes. 

I then mounted the other box, and soon gathered an immense crowd bycrying out, at the top of my voice:

"Oh yes! oh yes! oh yes! Gentlemen, every one of you come right thisway; come a running; come a running, everybody come right this way!

"I have here, gentlemen, the erasive soap for removing tar, pitch, paint, oil or varnish from your clothing. Every other cake contains aprize from twenty-five cents to a two-dollar note. "

We found no trouble in making sales and but little trouble in paying offthose who were lucky. Our profits were sixteen dollars that day. 

The next day we opened at Fort Wayne, Ind. , where the show attracted alarge crowd, and our profits were thirty-six dollars. 

From there we went to Columbia City, where our profits were twenty-twodollars. Our fourth and last sale was made at Warsaw, where we werehaving excellent success, when a large, portly gentleman (whom Iafterwards learned was Mr. Wood, the prosecuting attorney), came up toour stand, and after listening awhile and watching the results, wentaway, and in a few moments returned with the city marshal, who placed meunder arrest for violating a new law just passed, to prohibit therunning of gift enterprises. They took me before the Mayor, who read thecharges against me, and asked what I had to say. 

I informed him I had taken out city license, which I supposed entitledme to the privilege of selling. 

He then read the new law to me, I plead ignorance, and asked the Mayorto be lenient. He imposed a fine of twenty-five dollars and costs, whichaltogether amounted to thirty-two dollars and fifty cents, which wepaid. 

The prosecuting attorney then explained to me, that such a law hadrecently been passed in almost every State. 

This satisfied me that there was absolutely no money in the soapbusiness. My partner and I divided up what little money we had left andthere separated. He returned to Ohio and I visited a daughter of Mr. Keefer's, who had married a wealthy farmer, Smith by name, and wasresiding in Branch County, Michigan. 

CHAPTER VII. 

ELEVEN DAYS ON A FARM--HOW I FOOLED THE FARMER--ARRIVED ATCHICAGO--RUNNING A FRUIT STAND--COLLAPSED--MY RETURN HOME--BROKEAGAIN--A LUCKY TRADE. 

I was anxious to go to Chicago, but was a "little short" financially, and asked Mr. Smith to give me a job on the farm. He asked if I couldplow. I assured him that I was a practical farmer, and he then hired meat one dollar per day. 

[Illustration: ELEVEN DAYS FOR ELEVEN DOLLARS. --PAGE 81. ]

He had a sixty acre field, in which his men had been plowing, and afterhitching up a pair of mules instructed me to go over in the field and goto "back furrowing. "

I wondered what the difference could be between back furrowing or anyother furrowing, but rather than expose my ignorance, said nothing, preferring to trust to luck and the "mules. " As there was no faultfound, I must have struck it right. 

Mr. Smith made a practice of visiting his men and inspecting theirwork, always once and often twice a day. 

He gave me orders to go to breaking up a new piece of ground, which hehad recently finished clearing, and which of course was a hard task. 

One day he came to the field at noon, and after looking the work over, instructed me to take the "coulter" off before I commenced work again inthe afternoon, adding that it would be easier for the mules as well asmyself. 

I looked the plow over carefully and wondered what the "coulter" was. After dinner I began work, hoping that some one might come along whocould post me. In this I was disappointed. Realizing that there must besomething done before Smith visited me in the evening, I decided he musthave meant the wheel at the end of the beam, and consequently took itoff and waited his coming. 

When he arrived he looked at the plow a moment and said, in an impetuousmanner:

"Where is that wheel? I thought I told you to take the coulter off. "

"Well, I did, " I quickly replied. "I did take the coulter off, and as itdidn't work well I put it back on, and thought I would take the wheeloff. "

"Where is the wheel?" he asked. I pointed to a stump some distanceaway, and said:

"It's over there. "

He said: "You take _that_ coulter off and I'll get the wheel. "

"No, " I said, "you take the coulter off; I am younger than you and willgo after the wheel. " And before getting the words out of my mouth washalf way there. When I returned he was taking the coulter off. 

I worked eleven days, and after receiving that many dollars left forChicago, where I had an uncle residing. 

He gave me a cordial welcome and said I was just the lad he wanted tosee, as he had traded for a fruit stand the day before, and wanted me totake charge of it. 

The next morning he took me to the stand, which was a small framebuilding--size, about eight by ten--which stood on the northwest cornerof Halsted and Harrison Streets. 

This was a very slow business, and _too slow_ to suit me, yet Icontinued to run it about three months, when by repeated losses ondecayed fruit, and the too frequent visits of relatives and friends, wefound the business in an unhealthy condition and lost no time inlooking up a buyer, which we were fortunate in finding and successful ingetting a good price from. 

After receiving my share of the profits, which was about enough to paymy expenses back to Ohio, I decided to go there. 

On arriving home, my mother said she hoped I was satisfied now that Icouldn't make money, and that I was only fooling my time away. She saidshe had told Mr. Keefer just how that fruit business would end. 

I took Mr. Keefer to one side and explained just "how it all happened"and how the fruit all rotted, and how my relatives and friends helpedthemselves. He said they ought to be ashamed and it was too bad. 

I borrowed a few dollars from him for incidental expenses, until I could"strike something. "

My mother wanted to know what I expected to do, and said I needn't askMr. Keefer for money, because he shouldn't give me a penny. 

Of course I could give her no satisfaction. She finally said was goingto take me to a jeweler, with whom she had talked, and have me learn thejeweler's trade. I disliked the idea and rebelled against it. She wasdetermined, however, and compelled me to accompany her. 

The jeweler had a talk with me and told my mother he thought he couldmake quite a mechanic out of me. 

I thought I was destined to stay with him, until my mother happened toleave the store for a few minutes, when he asked me if I thought I wouldlike the business. I told him no, I knew I would dislike it. He said hewouldn't fool his time away with a boy who had no taste for thebusiness, and so informed my mother. 

I returned home with her, and that evening she and Mr. Keefer and myselfhad a long conference. 

We talked about the past, and my mother suggested all kinds of trades, professions and clerkships, all of which I objected to, because I wouldnot work for some one else. 

Mr. Keefer said he believed I would strike something "yet" that I wouldmake money out of. 

My mother said she couldn't understand why he should think so;everything had been a failure thus far. 

He explained his reasons by reminding her that with all my misfortunes, not one dollar had been spent in dissipation or gambling, butinvariably in trying to make money, and with no lack of energy. 

I remained idle a few days until the few dollars Mr. Keefer had loanedme were spent, when one day I called upon a friend in town. Kintz byname, who was engaged in the bakery business. 

In conversation with him I learned that he owned two watches and wantedto exchange one of them (a small lady's gold watch) for something else. I asked him to let me carry it and try and find a customer for it. 

I called that evening on the night telegraph operator, Andy Clock, andbantered him to trade watches. He owned a large silver watch and goldchain. 

"How will you trade?" I asked, showing him the lady's gold watch. 

"Oh, I'll leave it with you. "

"You ought to give your watch and chain and ten dollars, " I said. 

"I'll make it five. "

"Let me take your watch and chain a few minutes. "

"All right, " he answered. 

I immediately called on Mr. Kintz and said: "John, are you willing togive your gold watch and five dollars for Mr. Clock's silver watch andgold chain?"

He replied by simply handing me five dollars. I then returned to Mr. Clock, made the trade and also received from him five dollars. 

Although the amount I made was small, it came in a very opportune time, and afforded me much satisfaction, as I argued in my own mind, that if Iwas able to drive those kind of trades in a small way, while young, Imight be able some day to make similar deals on a larger scale. 

The next day, when I met Mr. Keefer, I explained how I had made tendollars. He laughed and said: "Well, if they are both satisfied Isuppose you ought to be. "

The next Sunday after I had made the trade, several of the boys, including Mr. Kintz, Clock and myself, were sitting in the hotel. I wasreading a paper when Mr. Kintz and Clock began a conversation about thewatch trade, when Kintz remarked:

"If that gold watch had not been a lady's size I never would have paidany difference on the trade. "

"Did you give any boot?" quickly asked Clock. 

"Why, I gave five dollars, " answered Kintz. 

"The d----l you did; so did I, " replied Clock. 

They immediately demanded an explanation, which I gave, by declaring asthe "middleman" I was entitled to all I could make; and this was theuniversal opinion of every one there, including the landlord, whoinsisted that it was a good joke and well played. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER VIII. 

THREE DOLLARS WELL INVESTED--LEARNING TELEGRAPHY--GETTING IN DEBT--AFULL-FLEDGED OPERATOR--MY FIRST TELEGRAPH OFFICE--BUYING AND SELLINGDUCKS AND FROGS WHILE EMPLOYED AS OPERATOR--MYRESIGNATION--CO-PARTNERSHIP IN THE JEWELRY AND SPECTACLE BUSINESS--HOWWE SUCCEEDED--OUR DISSOLUTION. 

The next day after making this trade and procuring the ten dollars, Ibought an old silver watch from a stranger who had become stranded, paying him three dollars for it. This I traded for another watch andreceived five dollars as a difference. From this I continued to maketrades until I was the owner of ten head of fine sheep, three pigs, ashot-gun, violin, watch, and a few dollars in money, besides having paidmy board at the hotel and bought necessary clothing. 

When I found a buyer for my sheep and pigs, my mother said of course Icouldn't be contented until I sold them and lost the money. I explainedto her that, in order to speculate, it was necessary to keepre-investing and turning my money often. 

Mr. Keefer said I was right, but advised me to be very careful, now thatI had quite a nice start from simply nothing. 

After selling out, I one day called on the day telegraph operator, WillWitmer, and while sitting in his office, asked him to explain themysteries of telegraphy. He did so, and I then asked him to furnish mewith the telegraph alphabet, which he did. I studied it that night, andthe next day called at his office again, and began practicing making theletters on the instrument. 

He paid me a very high compliment for my aptness, and said I was foolishfor not learning the business. 

I asked what the expense would be. 

He said his charges would be fifteen dollars, and it would take fourmonths anyhow, and possibly six, before I would be able to take anoffice. 

Two days later, after giving special attention to the business, I hadbecome quite infatuated with it, and paid over the fifteen dollars tohim and two weeks' board at the hotel. 

My intentions were to try and sustain myself by speculating andtrafficking, but I very soon became so absorbed in my new undertaking asto be unfit for that business. 

My mother was immensely pleased at the turn affairs had taken. Mr. Keefer was both surprised and pleased, and said he would help me pay myboard, although he couldn't see how I ever happened to take a liking tothat business. 

During this winter, my associates and habits of life differing whollyfrom those of former years, I became what would now be considered "quitea dude. " And having no income from business, and a limited one from Mr. Keefer, with a fair future prospect, I took advantage of my good creditin town, and bought clothes, boots, shoes and furnishing goods, andborrowed money occasionally from my friends, who never refused me. 

Three months from the very day I began learning the alphabet, throughthe advice and recommendation of Mr. Witmer, I called on Wm. Kline, Jr. , General Superintendent of Telegraph, and made application for an office. He sent me to Whiting, Indiana, sixteen miles from Chicago, withinstructions to take charge of the night office, at a salary of fortydollars per month. 

On arriving there I found only a small station, and one family, withwhom I was to take board, and who were living in an old abandonedwater-tank. 

The young man whom I relieved from night duty was promoted to dayoperator, and as he was thoroughly disgusted with the place he keptcontinually writing to the Superintendent's secretary, who was a friendof his, to get him a better office, which he did in just six weeksafterwards. 

I was then promoted to his position, with no raise of salary, but whichI gladly accepted. 

There was plenty of duck hunting and frog catching among the settlersthere, but they didn't seem to understand how to find a market for them. I at once took advantage of this by getting a day off and a pass toChicago, where I bargained with a commission merchant to handle all Icould send him. I then returned to Whiting and arranged to have thesettlers consign all their game to me, which I in turn consigned to thecommission merchant. I had plenty of business and made money fast. 

One day the Division Superintendent happened to get off the train, as wewere loading on a lot of frogs, when he asked me who was shippingfrom that point. I told him I was. He looked at me a moment and asked, in a gruff tone:

"Does this R. R. Co. Pay you to buy frogs?"

I answered: "No, they pay my board to watch the station, and I buy andsell frogs to make my salary. "

The conductor and other employees who heard our remarks laughedheartily, and the Superintendent returned to his car with a broad grin. 

As soon as the frog and duck season was over I began urging Mr. Kline togive me a better paying office. I also wrote home expressing mydissatisfaction with the business, and my contempt for the small salaryit paid, and closed by saying I could make more money swappingjackknives than I could telegraphing, and that I never would be able topay my debts were I to continue at it. 

My mother answered; saying, that if I threw up that position and cameback home she would leave the country. 

In a few days I was transferred from Whiting to Swanton, Ohio, with noraise of salary, but better facilities for spending what I did get. 

I remained there until the following spring, and managed to spare aboutfive dollars per month towards reducing my home liabilities, and tightsqueezing at that. 

While there I made frequent visits to Toledo, where Mr. Kline's officewas located, and never failed to call on him or his secretary, with arequest for a better position. One day I wanted to be extra operator, and another day I would insist upon being placed in the traindispatcher's office, and again thought I would like the general freightoffice, either of which was considered a fine position. 

Finally the secretary asked, one day, how I would like to have Mr. Klineresign in my favor. 

I told him I would like it first-rate if the salary was sufficient. 

As soon as the green grass and flowers of spring commenced to showthemselves, I began to get nervous and anxious to make a change. 

One day while several people were sitting in the depot waiting for atrain, a young enterprising looking fellow came in with a smallsample-case in his hand, and began talking to an old gentleman aboutspectacles, and very soon made a sale for which he received two dollarsand fifty cents, spot cash. 

After the train had come and gone, carrying with it the old gentleman, I entered into conversation with the young man, and finally asked him, confidentially, what that pair of spectacles cost him. He laughed andsaid they could be bought for one dollar per dozen. 

"That settles it right here, " I said, and added:

"That settles the telegraph business with me. I'll send my resignationto Mr. Kline forthwith, by telegraph. " And I did so. 

After about ten days he accepted it and sent me a pass for home and theamount due me, which was sixty-five dollars. 

On my arrival home a stormy scene ensued. 

My mother said it was just like me to leave a sure thing and trafficaround over the country, with no future prospects whatever. 

Mr. Keefer said the business was too slow for me, anyhow, and he hadthought so from the beginning. I explained that the experience was wortha great deal to me. 

My mother replied that I had for years been getting nothing _but_experience. 

Mr. Keefer said he'd bet I would come out all right yet. 

"Yes, " my mother said, "he will come out in the poorhouse, and drag youand me with him. "

She then what I expected to do next, and I told her about the immenseprofits made in the spectacle business. 

She laughed, and with much sarcasm remarked, that a dozen pair ofspectacles and an old tin box to carry them in, would probably be theheight of my ambition. 

I told her that remained to be seen; but I would some day convince herdifferently, and show her how to make money fast. 

The next day I received a letter from an acquaintance residing atKirkersville, Ohio, in answer to one I had written him, in which Istated my intention of going into the spectacle business. 

He informed me that he was the owner of a fine horse and carriage, andsuggested that I take him in partnership with me; he to furnish thetraveling conveyance and I the money. This I agreed to, and wrote him myintentions to start for Kirkersville on a certain day, where I wouldexpect to meet him, and we would drive to Columbus, a distance of twentymiles, and buy our stock. 

On my arrival at Kirkersville I found him ready to start. We drove toColumbus and called on a wholesale jewelry firm. 

After looking their stock over I decided that there was more money incheap jewelry than spectacles. I had about forty dollars in cash, andafter buying one dozen pairs of spectacles, for one dollar, invested thebalance in jewelry, after which I prevailed on the firm to give me atraveling sample case. In this we displayed our jewelry nicely andstarted down the Portsmouth pike. 

My first effort to make a sale was at the toll-gate, a short distancefrom the city. Finding an old lady in attendance, I introduced thespectacles. She declared she never would buy another thing from apeddler. 

[Illustration: THIS, MADAM, IS THE STEREOSCOPIC LENS. --PAGE 101. ]

I told her I had not asked her to buy, and said: "Madam, I have here astereoscopic lens. "

"A stereo-what?" she quickly asked. 

"A stereoscopic lens, " I repeated. 

"Well, my!" she ejaculated, "they ought to be good ones, if the name hasanything to do with them, " and began trying them on. 

She very soon found a pair which suited her and pleased her exceedingly. 

While she was looking my glasses over, I picked up her old ones, andwhile examining them the thought occurred to me, that as my stock ofspectacles consisted only of a dozen pairs it would be a good idea totry and trade spectacles each time instead of selling outright, and byso doing always keep my stock up to the original number. 

Acting on the suggestion, I remarked to the old lady that her glassesmust have cost at least three dollars, and if she so desired I wouldgive her a trade. 

She asked the price of my glasses. 

"Four dollars, " was my reply. 

She said she didn't just remember how much she did pay for hers, but itwas about the price I had mentioned. 

She then asked me how I would trade. I offered to allow her two dollarsfor her glasses on the deal. 

She said she would if she had the money. On counting it she found butone dollar and thirty-two cents, all in pennies. We made the trade, as Ihad a great deal of sympathy (?) for her, and knew she had never beforefound a pair of glasses so well suited to her eyes. 

The third house we stopped at I found a young lady who was very anxiousto see my jewelry. 

After opening my case she selected a very showy set, ear-drops and pin, which I sold her for one dollar. When she paid me I noticed she had moremoney left, and said to her:

"See here, my young miss, I hardly think the set you have selected isgood enough for you. Let me show you a handsome set of jewelry such asyou would be proud to wear at a fashionable ball, or entertainment ofany kind. It will of course cost you more money, but I know it willplease you better. "

I then took from the bottom of the case a set which was nicely put up ina small paste-board box (although they all cost the same), and offeredit for inspection. She was at once infatuated with it, and after askingthe price (which was five dollars), expressed her regret that she hadmade her purchase before taking notice of that particular set. I thenvery kindly offered to exchange for the set she had just bought, andallow her the same as she paid, when she remarked, after reflecting amoment, that she couldn't do that as she hadn't money enough within onedollar to pay the difference. But when I offered to trust her for theother dollar until I came around again, she traded, remarking, as shecounted out her last three dollars:

"All right, I'll do it, and if you never come again I'll have a dollarthe best of you anyhow. "

We had excellent success during the first ten days, after which weexperienced four days of probably as poor success as ever attended a"Yankee peddler. "

We stopped at every house, and never sold a dollar's worth during thefour days. Doors were slammed in my face, and dogs were set upon us. YetI insisted that success must necessarily follow, sooner or later. 

My partner, however, was not so hopeful. He became impatient anddisagreeable in the extreme. At every house we would come to he wouldsullenly remark that there was no use stopping, they didn't want to buyanything; and finally went so far as to insist that we make no morestops. 

As I considered myself the senior member of the firm, I ordered a stopmade at every house. 

This led to unpleasantness, and brought out a few personalcharacteristics of his which induced me to think he had been raised a"pet" and was accustomed to having his own way in everything. 

But as I was not one of the "petting" kind, and rather inclined to havemy way about things in general, we gradually grew into a controversy. 

He declared the horse and carriage was his, and he had a right to stopwhen and where he pleased. 

I gave him that privilege, but also gave him notice that I owned thegoods and carried the money, and as "the walking was not all taken up"he could drive as fast and as far as he pleased, but I was going to stopat every house, even though I might lose a piece of my unmentionables byevery dog on the road. 

At last I was successful in trading spectacles with an old lady, receiving two pairs of old glasses and two dollars in cash for the pairI let her have. 

This enlivened things up for a while, but only temporarily. We droveback to his home at Kirkersville, where, after invoicing and dividingprofits, we dissolved partnership. 

CHAPTER IX. 

CONTINUING THE JEWELRY AND SPECTACLE BUSINESS ALONE--TRADING A WATCHCHAIN FOR A HORSE--PEDDLING ON HORSEBACK--TRADING JEWELRY FOR A HARNESSAND BUGGY--SELLING AT WHOLESALE--RETIRING FROM THE JEWELRY BUSINESS. 

After dissolving partnership I returned to Columbus, replenished mystock, and started out alone. I took the first train out from the cityand stopped about ten miles distant, at a small country village, andcommenced operations. My success was gratifying. I walked through thecountry, peddling from house to house. 

After my third day out, I came to a spacious looking farm house just atnightfall, and asked the lady if she would keep me over night. She saidshe had no objections, but her husband was prejudiced against keepingpeddlers or agents, and she was sure he would object. I asked where hewas, and she said he was away on a horse trade. 

While we were talking he drove up with a handsome bay mare, and calledhis wife out to show her what a "_bang up_" trade he had made, addingwith much ardor and excitement that if the fellow he had traded with washorseman enough to get the other horse to pull a pound he would do morethan any one else had ever done. 

I asked him to keep me over night, when he turned on me with a volley ofoaths sufficient to color the atmosphere blue for some distance around. 

I assured him, in the blandest manner possible, that I was no horsethief nor burglar, and that I had plenty of money and expected to pay mybills. 

His wife reminded him that they had plenty of room, and as it was latehe had better let me stay. 

He then consented, asking at the same time if I was a good "storyteller. " This of course gave me an "inkling" as to the best means ofgetting in his good graces. During the evening I lost no time inarriving at a point in our conversation where I could relate a few of mylatest stories, which pleased him greatly. He became so much interestedin me and my business as to propose to go into partnership with me, heto furnish the traveling conveyance and half the money, and I to do theselling. 

His wife ridiculed the idea and laughed at his foolishness. 

He then leaned forward in a very familiar, friendly manner, and tookhold of a long neck chain I was wearing, and asked what I would take forthat chain. 

"Oh, " I answered, "I don't want to sell it. "

"Well, but you _would_ sell it, wouldn't you?" he asked. 

"A man would be a fool to refuse to sell anything he owned, if he gotenough for it, " I replied, "but I have no desire to sell this particularchain. "

The next morning, while I was trading with his wife, he again mentionedthe chain, and remarked that he would rather have that than all thejewelry in the box. 

I said: "I should think you would. "

He then said: "Look here, young feller, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'llgive you that bay mare I traded for last night, even up, for thatchain. "

I asked if she was sound. He assured me that she was. 

"Well, then, " said I, "oughtn't she to fetch two hundred and fiftydollars?"

"Yes sir, you can bet on that, " he answered, excitedly. 

[Illustration: THOSE KIND COST ME $10. 00 PER DOZ. --PAGE 111. ]

"Well then, " said I, "if you will throw in a saddle and bridle I'lltrade. "

"I have no saddle, " said he, "but I will give you a blanket and bridle. "

"All right, it's a trade. "

We bridled and blanketed the mare, I delivered the chain to him andmounted, ready for a start. 

"Now, young feller, " said he, "the trade is made and there must be no'kicking' on either side. You agree to that do you?"

"Yes sir, " I answered, "I'll never kick if the old mare dies in fiveminutes from now. "

"That's right, " said he, "you're a dandy, and just the sort of feller Ilike to deal with. "

"Well, I'll bid you good day"--tipping my hat. 

"See here, one moment, " he yelled, as I had gotten well on my way. "Say!the trade is made and no squealing on either side. How much is thischain actually worth?"

"Well, " I answered, in a loud tone, "those kind cost me ten dollars perdozen, or eighty-odd cents each. "

He staggered and fell back against the fence. His wife yelled in a highpitched voice:

"Well there, John, _you_ have been taken in for once in your life. " Iraised my hat and cantered away. 

I traveled on horse-back all day, and found it up-hill business, as itwas difficult to mount and dismount, and very hard to carry my samplecase and valise on horse-back. 

That evening I arrived in a small burg where I put up, and determined toturn my horse out to pasture, until I could deal for a buggy andharness. 

That night while in conversation with some men at the hotel, I learnedthat one of them was a carriage and wagon maker. I asked if he hadanything in the way of a light second-handed buggy, which he could sellat a low price. 

He said that he had one that he had just been repairing and it was allready to run out. I prevailed upon him to take me to his shop and showit by the light of a lantern. 

I asked his price which was forty-five dollars. 

On re-entering the hotel, I took him into the sitting room and showedhim my jewelry. He was pleased with it, and I asked him how he wouldlike to trade his buggy for some of it. He said he wouldn't care to takeit all in jewelry, but if I had any good watches he would take one, andsome jewelry on a trade. 

I then showed him the watch I was carrying, and was not long in making atrade. I gave him a bill of sale for the watch and jewelry, and took onefrom him for the buggy. 

I retired that night feeling that I had made fair progress towardsprocuring a traveling conveyance of my own. When morning came, my onlydesire was to deal for a harness. As soon as breakfast was over, I tookmy jewelry case and "hus'led" around among the business men, as well asat different residences in the town. I gave but little thought toselling goods, but inquired, wherever I called, if they knew of any onewho had a harness for sale. 

At last I called upon an old couple who were in need of spectacles. Isucceeded in fitting both of them, when I suggested the idea of takingtheir old glasses in exchange for mine, and letting them pay thedifference. The old gentleman said I would have to trust them for thedifference, as they had just paid out the last money they had. 

Almost the last thing I thought of, was to ask them if they knew of anywho had a harness for sale, as I had become so interested in thespectacle deal. 

"Why bless you, " the old man replied, "I have got a nice single harnessup stairs that I will sell cheap. " He brought it down, and I traded thespectacles, a very nice pair of sleeve-buttons, and a handsome set ofjewelry for it. 

I was now ready to start with my newly completed torn-out, which I lostno time in doing. 

I traveled in the direction of Kirkersville, where I arrived a few dayslater and promptly exhibited my horse, harness and buggy to my latepartner and his acquaintances. 

After a careful scrutiny of the turn-out, and a look at the goods I hadleft in stock, he remarked that "some one must have been taken in. "

I continued peddling for some time, meeting with splendid success on theaverage, with occasionally a poor day. 

I never lost an opportunity of trading horses, and as a rule, preferredto keep trading for a better one each time where I would be obliged topay boot, which I invariably manipulated so as to pay the difference injewelry, instead of the cash. I also traded buggies frequently in thisway, and in a very short time I was driving a first-class turn-out. 

My early boyhood experience with horses had given me a fair knowledge ofthem, and the blemishes they were subjected to, which enabled me to passreasonable judgment on them, when making trades. 

My best deals were always made with professional horse-men, whogenerally seemed to think they had a "soft snap, " and I never attemptedto convince them differently, except when I could do so at theirexpense. 

Peddling jewelry and spectacles was the business I gave my specialattention to for sometime, and it proved a very satisfactory one. Withthe exception of a few disagreeable features which are sure to attendany business of that nature, I found it very pleasant. 

One day I drove into a small country village and stopped at ablacksmith's shop to have my horse shod. While waiting, I happened todrop into a large general store, and very soon entered into conversationwith the proprietor, who was a jovial, good-natured fellow. He told mehis latest story, when I thought to try and amuse him with one or two ofmine, which I was very successful in doing. 

In a few moments I mentioned that I was in the jewelry business, andbefore I had time to ask him to look at my goods, he said: "Bring inyour truck, let's see what you've got, anyhow. "

I brought them in and began quoting prices. He began picking out andlaying to one side. I was worried to know whether he expected to buy oncredit or pay cash. 

He kept picking out and I told another story. He laughed heartily andsaid that was "the boss" and laid out more goods. 

Finally he said: "What are your terms anyway or haven't you got any. "

I answered: "No, I have no terms, everything net spot cash. "

"What! Don't you give any cash discount?"

"I never have given any yet, " was my reply. 

"Well then, I suppose there is no use in my trying to get any. "

In a few moments he directed me to make out my bill, which I did on apiece of brown paper. It amounted to a little over eighty-two dollars. 

I threw off the extra few cents and he paid me the cash, after which Ireceipted the bill. 

This particular sale was the ruination of my jewelry business for thetime being, but as will be seen, proved to be the key-note to a verysuccessful business in after years. 

Having turned wholesaler, I was wholly and entirely unfitted for thebusiness of peddling. My thoughts were completely turned from the latterand absorbed in the former. 

Although I readily understood that it must necessarily take largecapital to conduct such a business, I yet determined to give it a trialwith my little stock. 

I therefore telegraphed for more goods, and began driving from town totown making a few sales to the merchants, but none equal to my firstone. I never found another merchant so anxious to look at my goods, norso ready to buy. However, I readily understood that I must be persistentin showing to them the same as I had always been at private houses, andin many cases more so. I came in contact with one merchant whom I failedto understand perfectly well. 

I called at his store and found him reading the paper. Afterintroducing myself and explaining my business, he simply said he didn'twant any jewelry. 

"Well, " said I, "I don't suppose you will object to looking at it, willyou?" He made no reply. I then began laying my trays out on his counter. 

After displaying them nicely, I stepped back to where he was sitting andstill reading, and said to him: "I have them ready now, sir. "

He stepped behind the counter, gathered up the trays, piled them in aheap, stepped to the front door, pitched the entire outfit into themiddle of the street, and returned to his newspaper without a word. 

My first impulse was to "have it out with him, then and there, " but Isuddenly thought of my stock in trade lying in the middle of the street, and "hus'led" to gather it up. 

It took me a whole day to clean and re-card and get it in good shape, which work I did at the hotel, in the same town. I remained there overnight and prepared for a new start the following morning. 

The more I thought of the treatment I had received at his hands, themore I felt like having the matter settled before leaving. So aftermaking all preparations for a start, I drove to his store, and just as Istepped from my buggy, he came around the corner from his residence andwas about to enter the door. 

I headed him off and said, "Mr. ----, I am about to leave this town, andbefore doing so, I propose to have a little settlement with you. Now, sir, you can have your choice of three things. Either make an apologyfor your beastly conduct yesterday, take a good thrashing or look mygoods over in a gentlemanly manner. Now which do you prefer?"

At this I began laying off my coat. 

He said he had no desire to look at my goods and didn't crave athrashing, and guessed he would rather apologize, which he did, and Iwent on my way rejoicing, and I dare say in much better shape than Imight have been in, had he shown as much fight as he did meanness theday before. 

On account of my extremely small stock I found it up-hill work tosucceed as a wholesaler. My first large sale had so completely _turnedmy head_, that I was unable to return to my former successful plan ofpeddling from house to house and continued on as a wholesaler, wendingmy way homeward. 

On arriving there I drove to the old farm, and with much pride relatedmy experience and success to the folks. 

My mother said she wouldn't give fifty cents for all the jewelry in thebox, and in all probability the horse would die or something happen tohim sooner or later. 

Mr. Keefer said he didn't know about the jewelry, but one thing wassure, the horse and buggy were fine. 

I saw the utter foolishness of trying to be a wholesaler, and begansearching about for a customer for my entire lot of jewelry, whom I soonfound in the person of a young man, whose note I took for two hundredand fifty dollars, and his father as signer, payable six months afterdate. 

The next day I drove down town, and as was my custom after arriving homefrom a trip, my creditors were the very first persons I called on, andas usual, assured them that I was still alive and "hus'ling. "

I also showed them the note I had and offered to turn it over to eitherof them who would pay me the difference between its face value and whatI owed them. 

They said they would rather take my individual note for the amount of myindebtedness, which I gave, drawing interest at eight per cent. , all ofwhich footed up to several hundred dollars. Now I was ready for otherbusiness. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER X

GREAT SUCCESS AS AN INSURANCE AGENT--SOLD OUT--ARRIVED ATCHICAGO--SELLING GOVERNMENT GOODS--ACQUIRING DISSIPATED HABITS--ENGAGEDTO BE MARRIED--BROKE AMONG STRANGERS--HOW I MADE A RAISE--MY ARRIVALHOME. 

One day I met James Forster, an old acquaintance, who was engaged in theinsurance business. He asked me if I didn't think I would make a goodinsurance agent. 

I told him I had never tried it, but I knew I would. 

He asked how I knew so much, if I had never tried it. 

"Because I am no good at anything else, " I answered. 

He asked how I would like it. I assured him I ready to try it, and thatI owned a horse and buggy to travel over the country with. 

He then took me to his office and after giving me a few instructions, gave me the necessary papers and sent me out. 

The very first day I took three applications. The company insured onthe installment plan, by issuing a policy for five years, the firstpayment of forty cents a hundred per year, was to be paid when theapplication was taken, and the balance made payable in equal annualinstallments. 

The agent's commission was the first installment, or twenty per cent. Ofthe gross amount. 

I was not long in learning that the rate charged by this company wasjust double that of any other in existence, but the people readily fellin with the idea of paying their insurance by installments. 

I gave it a week's trial and was immensely successful, and turned myapplications over to Mr. Forster, but was careful to sign my name tothem in full, as sub-agent. 

He made an equal division of commission with me, which I was notsatisfied with. I then quit, when Mr. Forster called in about a week tosee why I didn't keep "hus'ling, " as I had been doing so nicely. 

"Well, " said I, "Mr. Forster, it's against my principles to steal andgive some one else half. I can't afford to go out and rob my neighborsand acquaintances, and give you any part of it. "

He had no more to say. A few days later, I received a letter from thesecretary of this company, asking if I would like to become their agent. I answered that I would, and on receipt of my certificate went to workin earnest. 

Before two weeks had elapsed, I was the agent for three otherfirst-class fire companies, whose rates were as low as the lowest. Ialso had a first-class life and accident company. I commenced in themorning, and worked until late at night. 

The first intimation I had that I was doing an extra good business, waswhen I received a letter from the secretary of one of the companiessaying: "Go for them, Johnston, you have sent in more applications underone date, and made a larger thirty days' average, than has ever beenmade by any agent of our company, " and added that I might consider thatas a compliment, as they always had hundreds of agents, and in all partsof the United States. This letter was received from him after I had beenworking at the business some months. And I decided at once to quit thebusiness forthwith. 

As soon as I read it I said to myself:

"Now it is certain I can never get rich working at the insurancebusiness. " At least, I could not recall to my mind a single instance, where anyone had ever made more than a living, especially in a countrytown, and I argued, that if I had proved myself so _far_ superior to allother insurance agents, I couldn't see why it wasn't possible for mealso to excel in a better paying business. 

I therefore desired to sell out, the first chance I got, which I soondid, receiving five hundred dollars for my business, horse and buggy. 

I also had four hundred dollars' worth of notes I had taken forinsurance, which belonged to me as commissions. These I got discounted, receiving in cash three hundred and twenty-five dollars. I thencollected my note against the man to whom I had sold the jewelry. 

Now I had over one thousand dollars in cash, and was ready to start forChicago. I called on those creditors who held my notes, which were notyet due, and assured them I was on the right road to success, and thatwith the use of the money I then had, I was certain to win, as I thoughtof investing in jewelry as a jobber, which business, I had from my firstexperience, always determined to try again if I ever succeeded ingetting money enough. 

During this same summer, Mr. Keefer traded his fine farm three milesfrom town for a house and lot in town, and a small fruit farm one mileout, and received some cash besides. They had moved in town about thetime I was ready to start for Chicago. 

My mother said, that while I had so much money, it would be a good topay back some I had borrowed of them, before I lost it all. 

Mr. Keefer said there was no hurry about that, he knew I would pay itall back some day, because I had always told him I would, and hebelieved now I was going to make lots of money. 

I bade them good-bye, and left for Chicago, where I arrived thefollowing morning, when I immediately set out to investigate the jewelrybusiness. I very soon became satisfied that the few wholesalers I hadcalled upon were "wolves, " and convinced that there was a wolf for everylamb, I "hus'led" away "to try the jewelry another day. "

I then began scanning the "wants" and "business chances" in thedifferent daily papers, when I noticed an advertisement from Colonel O. Lippencott, who was the United States agent for the sale of governmentgoods, such as guns, saddles, harnesses, blankets, soldiers' clothing, etc. , which had been left over after the late war. 

I called on him, and he convinced me that with a stock of twenty-fivehundred dollars, I could make money fast. 

I asked how about one thousand dollars' worth. He said it wouldn't paywith so small a stock, and said I could pay one thousand dollars down, and give a bond for the other fifteen hundred dollars. I told him aboutMr. Keefer, and he very soon ascertained that his bond would be good. Hethen filled one out and I sent it to him marked "confidential, " alongwith a letter explaining "just how it was. "

It was promptly returned to me with his signature attached. 

The goods were soon packed and shipped to a point in Michigan. I hired ayoung man to go with me as clerk. 

Our success was better than I anticipated. 

I would rent a room in a fair-sized town and advertise extensively, andremain three or four weeks. 

The young man I had with me was about my own age, a jolly good fellow, asharp salesman and hard worker, but he had many extravagant habits whichI had never yet fallen into. 

He was fond of billiards, and insisted that I should learn the game, which I was foolish enough to do. In less than one week I was dreamingevery night of ivory balls of all sizes and colors, of billiard cues ofall weights and shapes, and tables of all styles. My clerk declared Ihad gotten up in the night and walked round and round our bed, with anold broom in my hand, trying to play billiards and talking in my sleepabout carrom and masse shots and pocketing balls. 

I had no reason to doubt his statement, for it was a fact that I hadbecome so infatuated with the game that it was almost impossible toresist it, and in fact I had no desire to do so. 

I enjoyed it greatly, so much so that I got into the habit of leavingthe store during business hours to indulge in it. And there never was anevening that we were not in the billiard room till it closed for thenight. My clerk was a good player, and enjoyed playing with me no doubt, because he could easily beat me, and because I had plenty of money withwhich to pay the bills. 

He was fond of balls and parties, and like myself, enjoyed ladies'society, and we were both susceptible to their influence. We soon fellin with the "jolly good fellows" of every town, many of whom were ableto indulge in a lavish expenditure of money, while by rights neither ofus could afford anything better than a plain, comfortable living; but aswe had joined them, we must be "good fellows" also. Consequently I verysoon found my business running behind. 

There was no day when the profits were not large, but my expenses wereenormous. I realized that the billiard game was dragging me down, andevery night after settling my bills I would say that I didn't think Iwould ever play any more. I was very careful however, not to declaremyself against it entirely, because I loved it too well. 

We traveled from town to town constantly running behind. Towards springwe made a stop at Bronson, Michigan, where we continued to "fly high, "as we used to express it, and at this place while attending a ball, Imet a young lady who afterwards became my wife. We remained there sixweeks, when my clerk left for home. 

As my contract with Colonel Lippencott would expire on March first, atwhich time I was to return all unsold goods, for which I would receivecredit, or cash refunded, I packed and shipped my remaining stock tohim, with instructions to send me a statement of account to WhitePigeon, Michigan. There I went with a view to meeting an old friend, whoI found had left for the West a few days prior to my arrival. Finding, however, a comfortable stopping place, I remained there to await thestatement from Colonel Lippencott. 

I of course realized, from my rude system of book-keeping, and the waythe goods invoiced, that I was a considerable loser. The way I figuredit, I would have at least one hundred dollars my due on settlement. Butimagine my surprise, when I received a statement showing a shortage ofseventy-five dollars, which Mr. Keefer would be obliged to pay. I wasthen owing a week's board bill, and had not a cent to my name. 

After carefully examining Colonel Lippencott's statement, I wassatisfied that he was correct. 

I saw where I had failed to charge myself up and credit him with nearlytwo hundred dollars' worth of goods, at a time, no doubt, when I had anengagement with some "dude" to play billiards. 

I immediately wrote Colonel Lippencott that I would return home soon, when the deficit would be made good. 

I was now at a loss to know how to "make a raise. " While sitting in thehotel office one afternoon contemplating matters most seriously, andfeeling silly and foolish over my winter's exploit, a young, despondent-looking chap came into the office carrying a valise and bag, about half filled with something. He registered, and after making rateswith the landlord, took a seat near me. He had a woe-begone look, andseemed nervous and anxious. 

I immediately opened up conversation with him, and learned he was from asmall town in Illinois, whence he had started as a canvasser, sellingnutmeg-graters. 

I asked how he was doing. He said he had been out three days, and hadn'tsold a grater. 

I asked if he had worked hard, and he said yes, but he hadn't "nerve"enough for that business. 

I asked him to show me one, which he did. 

They were a very novel, ingenious thing, and I asked him about theprice. 

He said he could sell them for twenty-five cents, and make money. I toldhim he could sell more at fifty cents each, than he could attwenty-five. 

He said he couldn't see how that could be, and I reminded him of whatBarnum said about the American people. 

To this he replied: "By gol, I'll be gosh durn glad to sell all I havefer just what they cost me. "

"How much would that be?"

"One dollar and fifty cents per dozen, " he answered. 

"How many have you?"

"Twenty dozen. "

I took the one he was showing me and putting it into my pocket, startedout. I called at a general store and enquired for the proprietor, andwhen pointed out to me, stepped up to him briskly, and said:

"Mr. ----, do you want to make some money?"

"Why yes, that's what I am here for. "

"Well then, sir, " producing the novelty, "how would you like theexclusive sale of this, one of the fastest-selling and most usefularticles ever manufactured. I have only twenty dozen left, and some onein this town is going to have them. You can put a basket full on yourcounter, sir, and sell one or more to every lady visiting your store. "

"What do they retail at?" he asked. 

"Fifty cents each. "

"What is the wholesale price?"

"Three dollars a dozen, but as I have only twenty dozen left, you canhave them at two dollars and seventy-five cents per dozen. "

"I'll give you fifty dollars spot cash for the lot, " he said, afterfiguring a moment. 

"All right, I guess you can have them. " And I quickly delivered them andreceived the cash. 

Thirty dollars of this the young man received with much satisfaction, while with the other twenty I felt quite comfortable myself. 

After paying my hotel bill I departed for Ohio. 

On my arrival home I explained to my folks "just how it all happened. "My mother said "she always thought I would turn out a gambler anyhow, and didn't expect anything else when I left home, only that I would loseall I had before getting back. "

Mr. Keefer said "it was too bad, and I ought to have knocked the wholetop of that clerk's head off for getting me into such habits. "

CHAPTER XI. 

MORE HELP FROM MR. KEEFER--OFF TO SEE MY GIRL--EMBARKED IN THEAGRICULTURAL-IMPLEMENT BUSINESS WITHOUT CAPITAL--MARRIED--SOLD OUT--INTHE GROCERY BUSINESS--COLLAPSED--RUNNING A BILLIARD HALL--COLLAPSEDAGAIN--NEWSPAPER REPORTER FOR A MYSTERIOUS MURDER. 

The next day I called Mr. Keefer to one side, informed him--on thequiet--about my shortage of seventy-five dollars and suggested going tothe bank and borrowing about a hundred dollars, as it would be necessaryfor me to have a few dollars to "sort of bridge me over" till I couldget on my feet again. He said he guessed that would be all right, so weborrowed the money. 

The next day I received a very affectionate letter from my girl andstarted forthwith for Michigan, arriving there in time to escort her tothe last and grandest ball of the season, at an expense of more thanhalf the amount of my last loan. 

I was very anxious to get married at once, but being a little shortfinancially, concluded to postpone it a few days at least. A couple ofdays later I received a letter from my uncle, A. S. Johnston, who wasthen living at Three Rivers, Michigan, and who had previously started mein the fruit business in Chicago. He informed me that he was generalagent in Southern Michigan for C. H. & L. J. McCormick's reapers andmowers, and if I would come there he would make me their local agent atthat place. 

Bidding my girl an affectionate farewell I departed, and arrived at myuncle's with forty cents in cash and six dirty shirts. 

On my way there I fell in company with two gentlemen traveling together, one of whom was selling horse-rakes and the other threshing-machines. 

I explained to them that I was on my way to Three Rivers, where Iexpected to become an agent for my uncle. They then remembered havingmet him somewhere on the road, and one of them suggested that I mightalso be able to sell horse-rakes and threshing-machines. I told them Ihad thought some of putting in a few later on. They then became anxiousto have me take the agency for their implements, but as I had in mymind the goods of other manufacturers which I believed had a betterreputation, I hesitated about handling theirs. 

They became very much interested and urged me to let them send onconsignment a car-load of horse-rakes and four threshing-machines. Ifinally consented on condition that they prepay the freight, which theyagreed to do. 

I informed my uncle of my intentions of starting in theagricultural-implement business. He asked how I expected to do so onforty cents capital. 

I answered that all I needed was a sign over some good shed, and aboarding house where they would be willing to wait till after harvestfor their pay. 

Sign-painting had been his trade, so he said he would furnish the sign, and I could live with them until I got returns. 

That afternoon I arranged to have the use of a vacant lot which was in agood locality, and as soon as possible erected a sign as large as thebroad-side of a barn, which read as follows:

 "J. P. JOHNSTON, DEALER IN ALL KINDS OF AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS. C. H. & L. J. McCORMICK'S REAPERS AND MOWERS FOR SALE. "

In less than two months I had several thousand dollars' worth of allkinds of implements, which had been consigned to me, freight prepaid. 

I very soon made the acquaintance of a young man who owned a good horse, which he kindly offered to loan me to canvass the farmers with. I thenbegan looking about to find some one who would loan me a harness andcarriage, when my attention was called to the advertisement of a lot ofcarriages to be sold at auction that very day. I called on the owner andtold him I needed a carriage, and asked what the terms of the sale wouldbe. 

He said a note payable in one year, would be acceptable from responsibleparties, and then asked my name. I said: "I am J. P. Johnston, theagricultural man. "

"What! the man with the big sign across the street?"

I replied: "The same. "

"O, well, " he said, "your note is good. "

I bid in a fine carriage, giving my note, which, by the way, was paid inless than six months. I then borrowed a harness and began a general raidon the farmers, and succeeded fairly well. 

The only unpleasantness I experienced in the sale of implements wasthat of a check-row corn-planter, which was new to the farmers in thatsection as well as to myself. I, of course, assumed to know all aboutit, when in fact, I was unable to in the least comprehend the method ofoperating it, even after studying the directions carefully, andcommitting them to memory so as to give a glowing description of it andits great advantages. 

One day a farmer came driving up to my "office" in a great hurry andinformed me of his intention to buy a corn-planter, and stated that hehad a piece of ground all prepared, and asked me to go and show him "howthe thing worked. " Of course there was nothing else for me to do but togo. So we loaded one on to the wagon and started. 

[Illustration: A DUSTY JOB A SURE SALE. ]

Arriving at the farm we hitched one of the old mares on and started forthe field, when I very soon learned that the farmer had a much betteridea of the "machine" than I did. But in order to make him conscious ofmy importance it was necessary for me to oppose him in many things, someof which were no doubt injurious to the job. 

[Illustration: "AS YE SOW SO SHALL YE REAP. "--PAGE 140. ]

After he had set the stakes and drawn the line across the field, wewere ready for a start. I was to hold the "machine, " and he to drive thehorse. As we were about to start he suggested that I had better take offmy coat, vest, boots and stockings, and roll up my pants. I did so. 

The wisdom of this move will be seen later. The old mare started on agait equal to that of the "deaf drover" over the rough roads. I heldtight to the handles, making lofty jumps from one step to another, sinking into the plowed ground almost to my knees each time. Before wewere half through the field I was in a profuse perspiration, and hadsucceeded in knocking one of my great toe-nails entirely off, whichafterwards laid me up for two weeks. When we reached the other end helooked solemnly at me and said: "By gosh! you can run like a racehorsecan't you?"

"Yes, " I replied, almost out of breath, "and you are no slouchyourself. "

I then took a comfortable seat on a fence-rail and asked him if that wasthe fastest horse he owned. He answered: "No, by gosh, I own one thatcan out-trot this one. "

"Yes, " I said, "but trotters won't do here. We must have a running horseto do this right. "

After skimming over a couple of acres which took but a few minutes, weconcluded to make an investigation to see how evenly the kernels werebeing distributed. 

Although it seemed to us that we were using up a large quantity of cornwe found but few hills containing more than the average number ofkernels. 

Of course we only examined along the line opposite each check, having nothought of finding any corn between them. 

I then suggested that he finish it alone, as I must return to town toattend to important business. 

This he agreed to and I left at once. In about ten days he drove up infront of the office and beckoned me out, when he said:

"Get in here young man, I want to show you something. "

I climbed in the wagon and he started for home. 

On the way he asked me how long I had been in that business, adding thathe "didn't suppose I had ever worked in a shop where they madecorn-planters. "

I assured him that my time had always been too valuable for that. 

He said he "supposed so. "

When we arrived at the corn-field he drew a long breath and said:

"Now sir, you have done a deal of blowing about your old check-rowcorn-planters. As you see, this corn is high enough to judge, and if youcan find a single row in this whole field, I'll buy you out. "

I admitted that there were no rows, and said to him in a confidentialway: "My dear sir, I supposed you understood that this machine wasintended to sow broadcast. "

"Broadcast the d----l!" he replied, and flew into a rage, declaring hewould sue me for damages. I then said to him as I motioned towards thehouse: "Come inside, I want to show _you_ something. "

He followed me in, and I took an old slipper and a woolen sock off myfoot, and without unwrapping the toe, said, pointing to it: "Sir, if Ihave that toe taken off, I shall be obliged to compel you to pay forit. "

His wife, a silly-looking mortal, stared vacantly for a moment and thensaid: "I can't see what use he would have for the toe, if you did haveit taken off. "

We then compromised, he agreeing to stand the results of the corn crop, and I the consequences of the sore toe. As soon as a new nail grew out, I made a trip through the country, and brought up one Saturday eveningat Bronson, where "my girl" lived. 

I couldn't give up the idea of getting married, and as my prospectivemother-in-law quite agreed with me that it would be the best thing todo, we lost no time in arranging matters. The marriage took place thefollowing week, and I immediately returned to Three Rivers with mybride. 

We remained but a short time, until my uncle expressed a desire tobecome interested in the business. I then turned it all over to him, asI felt it was too slow to suit me. I had been there six months, and leftwith about that many hundred dollars. 

We proceeded to Ohio, and explained to my folks "just how it allhappened. " My mother said "she couldn't see how I had managed to live solong without a wife. " Mr. Keefer said "he'd bet it was the best thingthat ever happened to me. "

My mother wanted to know what next, and how I expected to support a wifeand pay my debts, when I had never yet shown enough ability to supportmyself?

I frankly confessed that during my courtship I absolutely forgot that Iowed any one, and that it seemed to have been a secondary considerationwith me. 

However, I called on all my creditors, and, after showing them a niceroll of money as evidence that I had been "hus'ling, " I received theirsanction to my investing the money in jewelry, and going on the road asa wholesaler. I then opened correspondence with a firm in Chicago whohad been recommended to me as headquarters on jewelry, arranging to callon them in a few days. They informed me that five hundred dollars wouldbuy a fair stock, to start with. 

We returned to the home of my wife's parents; and the day before I wasto start for Chicago, her father, who was engaged in the grocerybusiness, called me one side and explained that he had become involved, and that the money I had would bridge him over; and if I would put it inhis business and help him run it he would give me half the profits andboard myself and wife. 

This I consented to do, and had no sooner settled down to business thanhis creditors began crowding him, and in a very short time the business"collapsed. " The only thing I had from the wreck was an oldbilliard-table which he turned over to me. As I had had quite a sadexperience in the billiard business only a year before, I now thought Isaw my only chance to get even. I therefore rented a room and opened abilliard hall. 

This was a regular bonanza, for about three weeks. Indeed, too much so, for then, to my regret, the "City dads" passed an ordinance prohibitingthe running of billiard rooms. As I had commenced housekeeping about thetime I opened the billiard room, and had gone in debt for my furniture, I found myself in a sad plight. The sale of the outfit enabled me to paybut a small portion of my indebtedness. 

I was now stranded, and ready for something else, but was completelynon-plussed to know what to do next. Of course I realized by this timethat I had a wife, and a "mother-in-law, " and it began to look as thoughthere must be some genuine "hus'ling" done. 

About this time the whole country thereabouts was thrown into thewildest excitement over the supposed mysterious murder of Almeda Davis, for which a young man named Bunnell was arrested, tried and acquitted. Deputy-sheriff Dennis, who made the arrest, came to me the next dayafter the young lady's death, and asked me to write it up for some ofthe leading City Dailies. I agreed to do so, and to always give him agood "send off, " if he would furnish me with the minutest facts duringthe whole case. He did so, and I guess would be surprised to learn thatI made more money out of that trial than he did, if it was a newbusiness to me. But it made us a comfortable living until about themiddle of winter, when I decided to move back to Ohio. Before arrangingto leave, I called on my creditors at Bronson--there were five ofthem--and explained my position. They each agreed that I could donothing there, and might better make a change, and that they wouldgladly wait till I could make a raise before asking or expecting me topay. 

We then proceeded to Ohio, arriving home "broke, " where I explained tomy folks "just how it all happened. "

My mother said she thought I had done splendidly "for a married man. "

Mr. Keefer said "It did beat the d----l!"

CHAPTER XII. 

MORE HELP FROM MR. KEEFER--SIX WEEKS AS A HORSE-TRAINER--A MYSTERIOUSPARTNER--COLLAPSED--HOW I MADE A RAISE--HOME AGAIN--FATHER TO A BOUNCINGBOY. 

Soon after my arrival home I received a letter from a horse-trainer thenlocated at Springfield, Ohio, saying I had been recommended to him as asplendid horse-back rider, a general "hus'ler" in business, and possiblya good advertiser. As these were the requirements needed in hisbusiness, he would give me a half interest in the same if I would joinhim. He then went on to state the marvelous works he could do. 

When I read this letter to my folks, my mother said she thought it asplendid chance to get my neck broke, and leave a young widow. 

Mr. Keefer said he'd bet I could ride any horse the fellow had. 

I then gave Mr. Keefer the wink, and he followed me to the barn, when Ibegan negotiations for a small loan to take me to Springfield. He thenexplained to me for the first time, that his affairs had becomesomewhat embarrassed, through a bad investment, and it was almostimpossible for him to make both ends meet; "but, " he added, "I havenever yet refused you, because I have always had faith in you; and Ibelieve in your ability to some day make lots of money, and I will seewhat I can do to help you once more. "

That day he called on a friend who loaned him the few dollars I needed, and as he handed it to me he said: "I know it will all come right someday. "

I now began to realize what a pleasure it would be could I embark in awell-paying business, just at the time when Mr. Keefer was in adversecircumstances. 

As there was no other opening for me, I immediately started forSpringfield, where I met the young horse-trainer, Prof. De Voe, withwhom I at once proceeded to form a co-partnership. He was a conundrum tome, from the very outset. A short, thick-set young man, not overeighteen years of age, with bushy, black hair, and dark eyes, a largeRoman nose, and extremely small hands and feet. 

[Illustration: DEVOE, JOHNSTON & CO. , HORSE TRAINERS. --PAGE 153. ]

He was thoroughly posted in the science of Horse-training, first-classin giving instructions, but poor in execution. I immediately wrote someadvertising matter, and after having it printed we started on our trip. 

Our plan was to break unruly horses, and teach the method of doing it. We would select one of the handsomest horses in the town where we wereoperating, and I would first break him to ride under the saddle withouta bridle; then we would teach him to drive to the carriage withoutreins, by the motion of the whip. 

We had a splendid trade for about two weeks, and worked into the Stateof Kentucky. We very soon learned that the people there knew more abouthorses than we ever knew. 

My partner and myself were frequently compelled to occupy the same roomat the hotels, and he would often frighten me half out of my wits, inthe middle of the night, by breaking out with a beautiful song, in asweet soprano voice; and at other times would get up in his sleep and, after taking his position on a foot-stool, would strike out in asplendid lecture on either the anatomy of the horse, or the art oftraining him. 

I would frequently wait and let him close his speech; after thanking hissupposed audience, he would again retire, without ever waking, orrealizing what he had done. There was no time when I ever heard him dohalf so well in his lectures as when asleep. 

He wore a boot three sizes too large, and gave as a reason for this, that if a horse happened to step on his feet it wouldn't hurt his toes. 

I often laughed at this foolish whim, and failed to quite understandhim. We remained together until we "collapsed, " at Bowling Green, whenwe decided to dissolve partnership. 

He pawned a small lady's gold watch, which he said his deceased wife hadleft him, and with the money bought a ticket for Cincinnati. I wasundecided whether to continue horse-training, or try and strikesomething else. 

After Prof. De Voe left, I remained at the hotel but a few days, when agentleman arrived there from the East, selling County rights for apatent gate. 

I remembered having had a conversation with a gentleman the day before, who said he wanted to invest a hundred dollars in a good payingbusiness. 

I asked the patent-right man what commission he would allow if I wouldfind a customer. He said twenty-five per cent. In less than two hours Ihad sold a county for one hundred dollars. I received the twenty-fivedollars, and after settling my board bill, started for home. 

On my way I stopped off a day in Cincinnati. While passing by a cheapsecond-class hotel, a voice came from an upper window: "Halloo, Johnston!" I halted, looked up and "hallooed" back. A lady, with herhead projecting out of the window, said: "Come up in the sitting-room. "I did as requested. 

As I opened the door, she stepped forward and extended her hand, withthe remark: "How are you, Prof. Johnston? Where did you leave Prof. DeVoe?" I answered the question, adding: "Madam, you know me, but I can'tplace you, although your countenance looks familiar. "

She then stepped to a door leading into a bedroom, and asked me to lookinside and see if I saw anything that looked natural. 

The very first article my eyes fell upon was a familiar-looking valise, with the name, "Prof. De Voe, " printed on it, and the same one that Ihad frequently carried and had checked, on our recent horse-trainingtrip. 

I then turned to the lady, and at once saw every expression of theProfessor's face in hers, and realized for the first time how I hadbeen deceived. Standing there before me, with the form and countenanceof Prof. De Voe, was one of the handsomest and most graceful youngladies I had ever met. Instantly there came to mind the small feet, andthe flimsy excuse for wearing large boots. I also called to mind thesweet soprano voice while singing, the lady's gold watch that waspawned, the fact of the Professor having always persisted in lookingunder the bed before retiring, and the timidity shown at the suddenappearance of a mouse in the room; and one time in particular, when thelandlord where we stopped asked if we would occupy the same room andbed, I objected seriously, telling him that I didn't like to sleep withany man. 

The incident just related is very unusual, and far from the range ofmost people's experience. 

The old adage, "Truth is stranger than fiction" is ably illustratedhere. And to prove its authenticity, I will say that I have letters inmy possession from Prof. De Voe, who is living with her second husband, in Cincinnati, in which mention is made of our experience. 

I of course felt humiliated that I had traveled six weeks with a lady aspartner without discovering the fact, but felt nevertheless that it wasnot due to my stupidity, as I could readily see how perfect her disguisewas. 

She explained to me that her husband--Prof. De Voe--had skipped toCanada, through having financial trouble, and had left her with butlittle money, several suits of clothes which fitted her nicely, and afair knowledge of horse-training, in which she felt certain to succeed. I will here add that since my residence in Chicago I purchased a veryhandsome balky horse for ninety dollars, which I succeeded in breakingwithin ten days by Prof. De Voe's method, and afterwards sold him forfive hundred dollars. 

While at Cincinnati I received a message summoning me home, where Iarrived the following morning, and two days later became the father of abouncing eleven-pound boy. 

On my arrival home I explained to my folks "just how it all happened. "

My mother said it showed just how bright I was, to travel six weeks witha man and not know he was a woman. 

Mr. Keefer said he guessed there was no harm done. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

ENGAGED IN THE PATENT-RIGHT BUSINESS--MY TRADE WITH BROTHER LONG--THECOMPROMISE--MY SECOND TRADE WITH A DEACON--HIS SUNDAY HONESTY ANDWEEK-DAY ECONOMY--A NEW PARTNER--THE LANDLORD AND HIS CREAMBISCUITS--HOW WE HEADED HIM OFF--A TRADE FOR A BALKY HORSE--HOW WEPERSUADED HIM TO GO--OUR FINAL SETTLEMENT WITH THE LANDLORD. 

The next day I received a letter from an old gentleman living atBronson, Mich. , who had just patented a dropper for a reaping-machine, and wanted me to sell County rights for him, and establish agencies. Asa drowning man clutches at a straw, so did I embrace this opportunity, and instructed him to send on his papers at once, with the model. He didso. On the day I received it my mother and myself were walking downstreet, when I noticed her bowing to an elderly gentleman driving ahandsome pair of bay horses. I asked his name. She said it was BrotherLong. 

"Brother Long, " said I; "and who is Brother Long?"

"Why, he is a deacon in our church. "

"Oh, I see. I wonder if he wouldn't like to trade those horses forpatent rights?" I ventured to remark. 

She sarcastically observed that she would like to see me trade him outof those beautiful horses. 

That afternoon I called at his house with my model, and as I stepped in, said: "How-do-you-do, Brother Long?" He smiled pleasantly, and extendinghis hand inquired my name. "Why, " said I, "I am a son of your sisterKeefer. Johnston is my name. Mr. Keefer is my step-father. " "O, Iunderstand. Take a chair; lay off your hat. Aren't you the young man wholed in prayer the other evening?"

I told him I didn't remember just what evening I did attendprayer-meeting last, but didn't think I was the one he alluded to. 

I then said: "Brother Long, I am representing Warner's patent dropperfor a reaping-machine, and am desirous of making you agent for thisCounty. I don't ask you to invest anything, nor to give your signature;neither do I give you mine. I simply leave you a model, and you are tosell as many as possible, on which we allow you a regular commission oftwenty-five per cent. Or, if you see fit to buy a few counties, you canthen make fifty per cent. On all you sell in your own territory; andshould you sell any County rights for us we would allow you all over onehundred dollars that you got for them. " He said he wouldn't care toinvest the cash, although he would like to own enough County rights tomake him a nice business. 

I then told him I would trade for a good team of horses. He said heowned a first-class team, which he held at six hundred dollars. 

I at once saw that he wasn't very slow himself in dealing, as I had beeninformed that he had offered his team for three hundred dollars. He saidhe didn't think he would care to let the team go and take it all inCounty rights; but he would take two counties and four hundred dollarsin cash. 

I looked the horses over, and liked them first rate; and thought theywould make a fine pair on the road. I then said: "Brother Long, I amanxious to get you interested in this invention, and I'll make you anoffer, although I may not be able to carry out my part of the contract;but if I don't, you will be one county ahead anyway. "

He asked what my proposition would be. I told him I would give himSandusky County and four hundred dollars, provided I could induce Mr. Warner, the inventor, to advance that amount. And as evidence of my goodfaith and to bind the bargain, I would deed him the County then andthere, and he was to keep the team till the fifteenth of the next month, when, if I didn't take them and pay over the four hundred dollars, wewould forfeit the County. He said that was perfectly satisfactory. Before leaving him I remarked that I felt certain that just as soon ashe saw what a good thing he had, he would gladly take County rights forthe balance due on the horses. 

He said: "Possibly. "

He commenced operations at once. In a very few days he came rushing upto Mr. Keefer's house, and with much excitement demanded a deed for fourmore counties. I made it out for him, and asked if he wanted to paycurrency or give a check for it. 

"O, no, " he said; "Neither. I want to sell them to a customer of mine, and then I'll bring you the money. "

I informed him that such a proceeding would be contrary to my ordersand custom of doing business. 

He then suggested that I take the horses and give him the deed, as I hadbargained for them anyhow. 

I agreed to this, and he delivered them to me on presentation of thedeed. 

As he left the house he smiled triumphantly, and holding up the deed, said: "I'll clear just five hundred dollars on this!"

I enjoyed a few rides, and was about to trade for a carriage andharness, when one evening a day or two after our deal, I came into thedining room from the back door of Mr. Keefer's house, and heard thesound of a familiar voice issuing from the sitting-room. It said:"Sister Keefer, I have made a great mistake. Will you induce your son totrade back?"

I stepped inside, and Brother Long came forward in his usual solemn, prayerful manner, and taking me by the hand, said: "Brother Johnston, may the Lord have mercy upon us. "

I said: "Amen, Brother Long; what can I do for you? How many counties doyou want this time?"

"My dear young brother, I have more counties than I need, more than Ican use. "

"But, " I said, "you haven't any more than you bargained for. "

"Indeed, Brother Johnston, I can never sell it all. Will you pleasetrade back? This is my first experience in the patent-right business, and pray to the Lord it shall be the last. "

I asked what had become of his customer, and inquired his name. 

Brother Long went on then to explain how an Irishman, living neighbor tohim, had called at his house and, after seeing the model, went halfcrazy over it, and wanted to buy ten counties. He agreed to pay in theneighborhood of a thousand dollars, and in his enthusiasm made a depositof "tin dollars, as ividence of me good faith. " On the strength of thatsale he had made the trade. 

"Well, Great Heavens!" said I, "aren't you satisfied with five or sixhundred dollars profit, on a little deal like that?"

"Yes, " he answered; "had I sold the counties the profits would havesuited all right. "

"But you just told me you had sold them, and the Irishman had depositedten dollars to bind the bargain. "

"True, he did, " said Brother Long, "but he came back the next day afterI had traded, and said: 'A divil a bit of a county can I take at all, atall. Me old wife threatens to scald me, if I bring even one county intothe house!'"

"Well, but you kept his ten dollars, didn't you?"

"Of course I did, " he yelled out. 

"Well, then, you ought to be satisfied, " I ventured to remark. 

"What! Satisfied with ten dollars?"

"Yes; with all these County rights besides. "

"Brother Johnston, " said he, "will you trade back, and give me the teamfor the counties?"

I answered: "I am not trading for territory, Brother Long. I am sellingit. "

About this time the greater portion of Brother Long's family appeared onthe scene, and were re-inforced by my mother in their entreaties to meto trade back. She said it was too bad for Brother Long, and I _must_ doit. 

Mr. Keefer said: "It did beat the d----l!"

I then told Brother Long that I was like him in this respect, that Iwasn't doing business exclusively for glory; and that a few dollars, just at that stage of the game, would be a matter of great considerationwith me. 

He then offered me two dollars if I would trade back. 

"Well, Brother Long, " said I, "you begin to talk now as I want to hearyou, except that your figures are a little below my idea of a faircompensation for my trouble. "

He then anxiously inquired what my ideas were of what would be right. 

"About one hundred and fifty dollars, " I answered. 

"O, Heavens! what shall I do? Sister Keefer, what shall I do? Shall weengage in prayer? What shall I do? What shall I do?"

Then they surrounded me, and made a general clamor for a compromise. 

I dropped to a hundred dollars. 

He offered twenty-five. 

I fell to seventy-five. 

He offered to split the difference, and he to return all the territoryexcept one county. 

After thinking the matter all over, and considering that he was a niceold gentleman and a Methodist brother, I concluded to trade back. 

A few days later Brother Long and I met in the Post-office just when themail was being distributed, and the place crowded. We were the center ofattraction. 

He smiled grimly at me, and while passing by said: "The fools are notall dead yet, are they, Johnston?"

"No, Brother Long, " I answered; "and there is no fool like an old fool. "

About three weeks later I started on a tour through Ohio, making severalagents and selling a few Township and County rights. 

Another little experience with a Methodist deacon will come in here, andI will tell it. He was a farmer, living a few miles south of Marion, Ohio. 

I had hired a rig, in the above town, to drive into the country to meeta gentleman with whom I had previously made an engagement. When ourbusiness was finished and I was about to leave, he bantered me to callon his neighbor, Deacon ----, who had a notorious reputation for hishatred of agents and peddlers. 

As I always considered it good practice to meet such men, I was glad ofthe chance to make this particular visit. I reached the house just asthe deacon and his sons came in for dinner. 

I hitched my horse, and when about to pass through the gate the frontdoor opened, and the man's voice, at its highest pitch, shouted out:"Stop right where you are sir. Stop; stop, I tell you. Stop!"

I put my hand to my ear, as if hard of hearing, and imitating as nearlyas I could the tone peculiar to deaf persons, said: "No, no, thank you;I don't care to put my horse out. I can feed her after I get to Marion. No, no; never mind; just as much obliged. " By this time I had reachedthe door, and passed directly inside. 

I had the floor. 

And I did all the talking for the first half hour. 

The old gentleman concluded that I was an exception to the general runof agents. He then began talking religion, as soon as I quit talkingPatent rights. He said I ought to make my peace with God; and when Ireplied that God and I had always been on splendid terms, he becamealmost frantic, and said that I was worse than any lightning-rod agent, and added that there never was an agent of any kind who ever pretendedto tell the truth, and he wouldn't believe any of them under oath. Ithen said I wouldn't expect him to believe my statements, so would leavethe question entirely with him and his sons whether they would deal ornot. They soon began talking business to the point. 

I figured on paper, and showed how one son could make more money in asingle year, with one County right, than they could all make on the farmin two years. 

My price for the County was one hundred dollars. 

They proposed to give fifty, and I offered to split the difference andtake seventy-five. 

This was satisfactory, provided I would take half cash, and a note forthe balance payable in one year. I agreed to it, if the old gentlemanwould go to Marion with me and help negotiate the note. 

He said he had got to go to town anyhow, and would ride with me; and theboys could drive over after him that evening. 

After making out the necessary papers and receiving my cash, we startedon the turn-pike road towards Marion. 

While riding along, the old gentleman gave me some very wholesomeadvice, saying he didn't do it because he really thought me to be a verybad fellow, but he wanted to see every young man grow up to be truthful, moral, honorable and upright. I thanked him, and told him I believed hewas a mighty nice man. He said that was the reputation he borethereabouts. 

While driving leisurely along, conversing on different topics, we cameto a blacksmith's shop on a three-corners, and the old gentlemanremarked that when we came to the toll-gate, if I would tell the oldlady gate-keeper that I came in at that shop, I could save some toll;adding, that she needn't know but I picked him up somewhere on the road. 

"Yes, that's so, " I answered. "That's a mighty good scheme. "

He seemed to feel highly elated at suggesting such a brilliant idea. 

As we were approaching the toll-gate, I said: "I wish you would pay mytoll, and when we get to town I will get some change and hand it back toyou. "

When we stopped at the gate he asked: "How much?"

The old lady says: "How far have you come on the pike?"

He turned to me as if expecting me to answer; but I was suddenly takenwith a severe fit of coughing. 

The deacon said: "This gentleman came in at the blacksmith shop. "

"Four cents, " said the gate-keeper. We drove on, and when I began tolaugh he asked what was up. 

"Well, I'll tell you; I was just laughing to think how much more I amlike Jim Fisk than you are. "

"How so?"

"Well, sir, I might possibly tell eight lies for a dollar, but Iwouldn't tell one for a shilling. "

He seemed much chagrined, when I put the matter before him as I did. Hesaid, in explanation, that he never believed in toll-gates, anyhow, hadalways advocated free turn-pikes, and thought it little harm toeconomize at their expense. 

After discounting his note at the bank, I returned home to see how "theboy" was getting on. 

A few days later I took the agency for another Patent, and gave up thedropper, which was too hard to sell. An acquaintance joined me, when westarted on what proved to be a red-hot Patent-right campaign, and withthe usual results of all Patent-right schemes. 

When ready for a start, we had just about money enough to pay ourexpenses to Napoleon, Ohio, where we had decided to go. On arrivingthere we took quarters at a first-class hotel, and began "hus'ling" tofind a customer. When we had been there about ten days, the landlord, avery pleasant little gentleman, called my partner one side, and said heguessed he would have to ask us for a little money. 

"Well, " said Frank, "all right, sir; all right, sir. Make out yourcussed old bill. I am not in the habit of being asked for money before Iam ready to leave. However, you can make out your bill, and receipt itin full, sir!"

"Oh, no, no!" he remonstrated; "I'll do nothing of the kind, sir. It wasnot my intention to insult you, Let it go. Let it go. It's all right. Imeant nothing out of the way. "

Frank cooled down; and as he passed by me said, _sotto voce_; "I guesswe can stay all summer now, if we want to. "

While at Napoleon, we had been in correspondence with several parties indifferent towns, who were known to me as traders. After spending twoweeks there, we received a letter requesting us to visit a neighboringtown, where there was a prospect for a good trade. We had succeeded inselling one Township right, which brought us cash enough for incidentalexpenses. 

Hence we were unable to pay our hotel bill, and as the landlord was notin the office when we were ready to go, we simply left a note saying wewould return later. 

We were gone two weeks, barely paying expenses, and returned toNapoleon. Rushing into the hotel office, we grasped the landlord by bothhands, saying: "Did you think we had jumped our board bill, landlord?"

"Well, by golly, I didn't know what to think of it. "

"Oh, pshaw! You ought to know us by this time. How are the nice creambiscuit? Suppose you've got some for tea, haven't you? Guess we'll wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. How are the folks, landlord?"

He said he had thought all the time we would turn up again, some day. Wethen explained the nature of our business, and told him he needn't besurprised if we left suddenly at any time; but he could always look forus back, sooner or later. We remained two weeks longer, with about thesame success that had attended us before. 

One day the landlord pulled a chair up by me, in the office, and saidvery mildly and pleasantly, "Mr. Johnston, I have never yet asked you for money, and----"

"No, " I quickly interrupted, "you never have, and I certainly respectyou for it. If there is anything on this earth I dislike, it is apenurious, suspicious, narrow-minded landlord--always dunning hisguests, and treating them like tramps. And I'd leave a man's house assoon as I could settle up and get out, if I was ever dunned by him. "

"Well, I going to say, I never make a practice of dunning gentlemen whostop with me, and----"

"Well, that's right, landlord, that's right, and you'll make friends, inthe long run, by not doing so. When I get ready to quit a hotel forgood, I've got sense enough to ask for my bill, and then settle infull--and that is all anyone can ask for. How about the cream biscuitfor supper, landlord?"

He said he guessed they were going to have some; and then asked howbusiness was, anyway. 

I told him our business had almost frightened us. 

He said that was good. 

Frank, who was sitting behind the stove listening to the conversation, said, as I passed by him a moment later: "I guess he'll lay still now. "

About this time we received a letter from a sewing-machine agent atHicksville, saying he would trade a machine for a County right. We leftforthwith, without even bidding the landlord good-bye. 

It took us four days to trade for the machine, and money enough to payour expenses for that time. 

We shipped the machine to Napoleon, and returned there ourselves on thefirst train. When we entered the hotel, we both rushed for theproprietor, saying, as we grasped his hands:

"How are you, landlord? How is everything? Did you think we had left forgood, landlord? Hope you didn't think we had jumped our board-bill?Guess we'll take a wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. How arethe cream biscuit? Suppose we'll have some for supper. How are all thefolks?"

He looked a little woe-begone, and said he was glad to see us back; andhe knew we would turn up soon. 

The next morning we had the sewing-machine set up in the hotel office. This seemed to console the landlord somewhat, as it was a brand newmachine. 

However, he appeared crest-fallen, a day or two later, when we sold itfor forty dollars cash, and pocketed the money, saying nothing. 

In a couple of days we took another sudden departure, for Bryan, Ohio, where we traded for an old horse, harness and wagon. 

The horse proved to be an obstreperous, balky thing, and as contrary asa mule. I used all of my knowledge of horse-training, with no effect. One day, just when he had balked, we met some boys near a corn-crib, ontheir way home from fishing. One of them had a long fishing-rod and astout line, I gave him twenty-five cents for it and asked him to bringan ear of corn from the field. He did so, and after tying the corn tothe end of the line, I held the pole over the horse's head, and let thecorn hang about two feet from his nose. He started right off, and we hadno further difficulty in persuading him to go. 

[Illustration: EASILY PERSUADED. --PAGE 176. ]

If we failed to hold the corn in plain sight he would stop at once. 

We hacked around over the country, first one holding the pole and thenthe other, becoming so accustomed to it that we often wondered whatpeople were laughing at, as we passed them. 

In a few days we arrived at Napoleon, drove up in front of the hotel, jumped out, ordered our horse put out, rushed in, grabbed the proprietorby the hands, with--"How are you, landlord? Did you think we had jumpedour board bill this time? How are the folks? Guess we'll take a wash. Put us down for a good room, landlord. Any cream biscuit for supperto-night?"

He said: "By gol, I didn't hardly know what to think of it, this time;but I thought perhaps you would turn up, after a while. "

He seemed delighted that we had brought a horse and wagon with us, andwe tried to sell it to him. He would have bought, only that thefish-pole-and-corn scheme had to be kept up, to make the horse go. 

After about three days we again left; and then succeeded in making avery fair trade, coming into possession of a handsome pair of horses, harness and carriage, and two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, for sixCounty rights. 

We then traded the old horse for a small pony, which we sold for twentydollars, and started for Napoleon, arriving there after an absence ofabout ten days. 

We drove up to the hotel, ordered our horses put out, rushed in asusual, took the proprietor by the hand, and said:

"You just about thought we had quit you for good, this time, didn'tyou? Guess we'll take a wash, landlord. Put us down for a good room. Howabout the cream biscuit? Folks all well? Landlord, did you notice ourteam? It's the finest in the land. Have 'em taken good care of. By Jove!We're glad to get home once more. You're looking fine, landlord. Have acigar?"

He put on a sickly smile, and after lighting a cigar, said he knew wewould come back; and asked how our business was. 

We told him it had been a little slack, on account of its being so hardto get money. We staid there a week longer, and tried every conceivableplan to force the landlord to ask us for money, but he never mentionedit during our stay. We sold our team and carriage for three hundreddollars cash, and put the money in our pockets, without ever mentioningour hotel bill, or acting as though we considered ourselves his debtors. 

Then we made returns to the patentees for their share of the profits onthe sales we had made. 

The landlord proved himself the "sort of mettle" for our business; andat last one day I stepped up to him, reached out my hand, and said:"Well, landlord, I guess we'll have to leave you for good. "

He shook my hand warmly, but looked uneasy and bewildered. 

He talked, undertaking to let his conversation drift towards the matterof our indebtedness. Finally I got the floor, and talked at lightningspeed, paying him so many compliments, in the presence of his guests, that he was completely non-plussed, and at a loss to know how to act. 

Suddenly, seeming to realize that something of much importance hadescaped my memory, I said: "By the way, landlord, we haven't settled ourbill, yet. How much do we owe you? Make out the bill. Mighty lucky Ithought of it. "

"By gracious, that's so! That's a fact. You haven't paid your bill yet, have you? Oh, well, I knew it would be all right, anyhow. "

After paying up in full, we received loud praise from him, and hisassurance that the best his house afforded would never be too good forus, whenever we saw fit to stop with him; and said if we would stay aweek longer he would have cream biscuit every meal. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

OUR TRIP THROUGH INDIANA--HOW I FOOLED A TELEGRAPH OPERATOR--THE OLDLANDLORD SENDS RECIPE FOR CREAM BISCUIT--OUR RETURN TO OHIO--BECOMINGAGENTS FOR A NEW PATENT--OUR VALISE STOLEN--RETURN TO FT. WAYNE--WAITINGSIX WEEKS FOR PATENT-RIGHT PAPERS--BUSTED--STAVING OFF THE WASHERWOMANFOR FIVE WEEKS--"THE KID" AND 'DE EXCHANGE ACT'--HOW THE LAUNDRY WOMANGOT EVEN WITH US--THE LANDLORD ON THE BORROW--HOW WE BORROWED OFHIM--REPLENISHING OUR WARDROBE--PAYING UP THE HOTEL BILL. 

We then made a trip through Indiana, and met with virtually no successat all; and very soon paid out almost our last dollar for actualexpenses. 

One day we had occasion to go to a small station to take the cars forFort Wayne, when the telegraph operator left his office for a fewminutes to go after the mail. 

I stepped to the instrument, called the Toledo office, and sent amessage to our late landlord at Napoleon, as follows:

"Send to my partner and me two dozen cream biscuit to Fort Wayne, express prepaid. We need them. "

After checking the message _dead head_, signed my name, and returned tothe waiting-room. 

When the operator returned, the Toledo office, whose duty it was totransfer the message to Napoleon, called him up and asked who Johnstonwas; and wanted to know further, why his message should be dead-headed. The operator answered that he knew nothing about it, and didn't think itwas his business to inquire into other people's affairs. They told himhe had better wake up and know what he was doing; and said it was hisduty to collect pay for messages, and not send them for nothing. Ilistened attentively to what passed between them; but finally our sidewon by his saying that he wanted them to understand he was running thatoffice himself, and needed no advice. 

The next day after reaching Fort Wayne, we received a letter from thelandlord, in which he stated that it would be impossible for him tosend cream biscuit by express, but said: "Please find enclosed therecipe for making them. " We gladly accepted it, and had the pastry cooksat different hotels make them for us, which greatly pleased every oneelse who partook of them, besides ourselves. Later on, I made use of therecipe by presenting it to my aunt, Mrs. Frances E. Owens, and it haslong been one of the favorite recipes of Mrs. Owens' Cook Book. 

From Fort Wayne we went back through Ohio and stopped at Findlay, where, just as we were about to close a trade, I received a letter from thepatentee saying he had bargained to sell out all his right to one man, and requested me to return the papers at once, and not to make anothersale under any circumstances. 

I complied with his request. The next day we met on the streets ofFindlay a gentleman having a sample band-cutter--an attachment for atwo-tined fork, to be used when threshing. 

The man who pitched the bundles from the stack to the machine cut thebands on each bundle at the same time he pitched them. This had justbeen patented, and he was anxious to have us take the agency for theUnited States. We concluded to do so, and went to a lawyer's office andfixed up a Power of Attorney for the whole United States from him to me. 

Profiting from my experience in losing a good sale, as just related, Ihad the following clause added: "This Power of Attorney is revocableupon thirty days notice from the said patentee. "

The attorney then informed me that according to the United States lawswe would be compelled to have our Power of Attorney recorded atWashington, D. C. We therefore sent it on for that purpose, withinstructions to the Recorder to mail it to Fort Wayne, Ind. , as soon aspossible. 

On our way back to Fort Wayne we stopped off at Lima one day, and atthat place had our valise stolen from the depot. It contained all theshirts and collars and cuffs belonging to both of us, except those wehad on, besides other articles of value to us. 

This left us in hard luck, as we had only about money enough to buy eachof us another shirt, a box of paper collars and cuffs, and some cheapsocks upon arrival at Fort Wayne. 

It was economy to wear paper, so as to lighten our laundry bills. 

Another exceedingly bad feature of our loss was the absence of a pieceof baggage to help convince the landlord of our responsibility. 

However, we ventured to a very respectable hotel, where we engaged afirst-class room, and waited patiently for the return of our Power ofAttorney from Washington. The landlord was a very pleasant, agreeablegentleman, quite suitable to our convenience. We made it as pleasant aspossible for him. A stranger might easily have mistaken one of us forthe proprietor and him for the guest. 

By telling innumerable good stories, and constantly reminding him of hisexcellent qualities as a hotel-keeper, and the wide reputation he boreas such, we managed to "hold him down, " as we termed it, verysatisfactorily. 

In the meantime we were constantly on the alert for some one who wouldlike to speculate, so we could make a deal without delay, after thearrival of our papers from Washington. After being there about threedays, we concluded to change shirts, which brought our new ones intorequisition. We then sent the ones we took off to a washerwoman, a fewdoors away. These we left with her until obliged to make another change. When that time came, three or four days later, we were at our wits' endto know how to get possession of the clean ones, as we were completelystranded. 

We held a consultation, and almost every imaginable scheme suggesteditself. At last we hit upon one that seemed feasible. 

A bright young boot-black frequented the hotel corner, and had takenquite a fancy to us, and given us an occasional complimentary shine. 

We asked him to our room, and informing him that we had a great plotthat needed his assistance, we required him to make an oath never to"give it away, " nor to betray us in any way, shape, form or manner. Heagreed to swear. 

I then procured a Bible from the landlord, and "the kid, " as we calledhim, placed his left hand on the Book, and raised his right, as Iadministered the oath. 

He swore by all the Gods in Israel, and all the people in Indiana, thathe would be true to his trust. 

Frank and I then took off our shirts, and wrapping them in paper, informed "the kid" of our predicament, and of the fact that we would beobliged to remain shirtless in our room while he took the bundle to thewasherwoman and left them as security for the laundered, without moneyand without price. 

We gave him special instructions, just how to manipulate matters inorder to be successful. 

He said: "Oh, what cher giv'n us? Don't yer s'pose I know how to 'fakede ole hen'?"

He scampered off, and returned very shortly with our laundry, when wehastened to make our toilet for the six o'clock dinner. 

We expected our papers from Washington inside of ten days from the timewe sent them. In this we were disappointed, and were compelled, to use"the kid" several times to carry out "de exchange act" "wid de ole hen, "as he called it. 

After repeating it several times, he came in one evening very muchexcited, and said:

"Yer can bet yer life it was by de skin o' my teeth I ever collar'd derwash dis time. De ole gal's gittin' dead on, an' says if de gemmen aresuch big-bugs dey better settle; but I gin' her a great song an' dance, an' squeared her up. "

We asked if he had any idea she would stand another deal of that kind. 

"Yer can bet I'll fix 'er, " he replied. 

Frank then said: "Well, you young rascal, you can bet you'd better 'fix'er. ' Don't you ever be guilty of leaving the dirty shirts unless youget the clean ones in their stead. If you ever come back here withoutany shirts, I'll throw you out this window, as sure as you're a livekid. "

The next Saturday, late in the afternoon, we called "the kid" in to do"the exchange act" again. We gave him some special instructions, desiring him to distinctly understand that it wouldn't be healthy forhim to venture back to us without two shirts of some kind. 

He didn't seem to have the same assurance and confidence as usual, butsaid "he'd fix 'er. " We remained in our room, sitting on the bed withoutshirts about the usual length of time, when, "the kid" not returning, webegan to feel a little shaky. 

Directly the door flew open, and in came the chambermaid, and rushed tothe commode with clean towels. We had forgotten to lock the door. Frank, with his fund of ready wit, instantly jumped to the floor, and sang out:"Well, put on your gloves again; I'll try you one more round beforesupper!"

When the door closed on us we had a good laugh, as we had frequentlyindulged in, when sitting there in that awkward, shirtless, expectantpredicament. 

Our laugh, although hearty, was of short duration, for we suddenlybecame serious and anxious about the return of "the kid. " An hour passedand no kid, and--still worse--no shirts. 

We walked the floor, opened the door and looked towards the stair-way, then raised the window curtain and peeked out upon the street, hoping toget a glimpse of him. 

Another half hour passed, and no "kid. " We imagined everything thatcould have befallen him. 

Two hours passed; another half hour--and we had been imprisoned twohours and-a-half--and it was now about supper time. 

A few moments later I opened the door, and looking towards thestair-way, discovered "the kid, " leaning over the bannister, gazingvacantly in the direction of our room. 

I yelled:

"Come here, kid! For Heaven's sake, what's up?"

"Yer never'll git me inter de room, ter be pitched out de winder, " hereplied. 

"No, no, " we said, "come in; come in and explain. We won't harm you. Come in. "

He then ventured in, very cautiously, and explained:

"Well, sir gemmen, de ole gal nailed 'em all, spite of eb'ry ting Icould do; she got de whole shootin' match, and I didn't know whedder tocome back or not. "

"Heavens and earth! Frank; what are we going to do now?" I asked. 

[Illustration: HEAVENS AND EARTH! FRANK; WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DONOW?--PAGE 193. ]

"Well, " said he, "this has been a great scheme of yours. That's a greathead, yours. Guess we're stuck for good, this time. "

"The kid" said he guessed he'd have to go to supper. 

We told him we guessed he'd not go to supper till he got us out of thatshirt scrape. "Remember your oath, you young hyena, " I said. 

He answered: "That's so; guess I'll have to go without my supper, to-night. "

At last, after many schemes had been devised and rejected, we hit uponone that helped us out. We demanded of "the kid" that he take off hisshirt; and after donning his coat and vest, instructed him to throw backhis coat-collar, and go down street to some furnishing-goods dealer, andeither beg, or buy on credit, a shirt. We began telling him what to say, when he headed us off with:

"Oh, whatcher givin' us? I guess I know how ter give 'em der stiff, " andstarted. 

He called on several dealers; and after giving "De song and dance, "finally made a raise of a new shirt. 

We asked what the man said when he called for such a large size?

"Oh, de ole hoosier neber tumbled at all, but just planked 'er out, andsaid: 'If yer eber git any money, come an' pay fer it. '"

We asked if he thought he could manage to get another one in the sameway. 

He said he was afraid to try, because an officer was going to run him in"'cause he hadn't any shirt on, and looked so tough. "

I then donned the shirt, also a paper collar and cuffs, and went down tosupper, leaving Frank to silent meditation. 

After eating, I returned to the room, took off the shirt, and Frank putit on and went to supper, while I remained and did the meditation act. 

He staid away more than two hours, which worried me considerably. 

I wondered what upon earth had become of him, but felt certain he wastoo true a friend to abscond with my half of the shirt. 

Even if it wasn't paid for, I knew by right that I owned _half of thatshirt_. 

When he did return he brought good news. 

He had spent over an hour with a furnishing-goods dealer, "squaring himup" so as to buy some things on credit. 

When asked with what luck, he answered:

"Well, I ordered six shirts, six pairs of socks, two dozen linencollars, one dozen pairs linen cuffs, and one dozen handkerchiefs, withinstructions to send them to the hotel office, and Mr. Johnston wouldsend them a check in a day or two, " and added that the goods would bedelivered that evening. 

"But, Frank, " I said, "you will get us into trouble. How can we fix thecheck business? You know I can't send them one. It'll make us trouble, sure. "

"Very well, it can't make us any worse trouble than we are having. Asfor myself, I'd rather go to jail with a shirt on, than to sit here inthis dingy, gloomy old room half of my time without any. "

"Yes, " I said, "that's so. I'd rather go on the chain-gang for thirtydays, than go through another such an ordeal as this. "

The goods were not sent as promised, and we spent a very restless night. 

I dreamed of arriving home without any shirt on, and in my dream heardmy mother's voice saying: "Well, I am really glad you reached home withyour pants on, " while Mr. Keefer remarked: "It does beat the d----l!"

Frank dreamed he was in attendance at a swell entertainment, andsuddenly discovered the absence of his shirt. 

I insisted that Frank should not sleep in the shirt, in order to keep itclean as long as possible, and to keep peace he laid it off whenretiring. In the morning I was the first one up, and proceeded to put iton. 

As I was passing through the hall on my way to breakfast, I met thechambermaid. She smiled and asked if we made a practice of sparringevery day. 

I replied: "We always take our regular exercises. "

She said: "How nice it is to be rich. Just see how much pleasure yougentlemen take in your every-day amusements, while people like us haveto work hard, and never have any pleasure. "

I told her that we always had great times, wherever we were. She saidshe guessed that was so. 

After breakfast I returned to the room, and let Frank have the shirt towear to breakfast; after which he came in with a large packagecontaining his order. 

I lost no time in getting into a shirt, and, in fact, to tell thetruth, we each put on three shirts, for fear that some unforeseenaccident might occur. I might also add that we resolved when we putthose shirts on, that no outside one should ever be taken off unless itwas actually _soiled_. 

The old adage, "Misfortunes never come singly, " was well illustrated inour case; for before night I was interviewed by the landlord in quite anunexpected manner. While standing near the wash-room he came rushing upto me, and calling me to one side, said:

"Johnston, I want to ask a little favor of you. "

"Very well, landlord; I'll be glad to grant it, if I can. What is it?"

"Well, I want to ask you to loan me twenty-five dollars for just twodays, and I will----"

"Well, landlord, " I interrupted, "I'd let you have it, but----"

"Well, now, look here, Johnston, don't think I am dunning you, --don'tthink I am afraid of you, " he hurriedly explained. 

"Oh, no, " said I. "I understand that, landlord, but I'll tell you how itis; you see----"

"Don't think I am dunning you, Johnston, don't think that, for I'll handit right back to you in a day or two, " he again assured me. 

"That's all right, " I said, "that's all right. I was going to say, I'dlet you have it in a minute, if I had it; but I haven't got it. "

"Well! how much have you?" He asked in a much-surprised manner. 

"I'll tell you all about it, " I answered. "When we arrived here, nearlysix weeks ago, we had about two dollars left, after buying each of us ashirt; and I don't think we have over twenty cents between us, just atpresent. "

He gazed at me in silence for a moment, and then said:

"What on earth am I going to do?"

"Well, indeed, I don't know; but perhaps you can borrow it from somefriend of yours; at any rate, it won't do any harm to try. "

"No, but, I mean what am I going to do about your board bill?"

"Oh, I see. Oh, well, landlord, you needn't worry about that. We arewell pleased with your accommodations, and haven't the slightest thoughtof quitting you. "

"Yes; but the longer you stay the worse I am off, " said he. 

"Well, I can't see how you make that out. The longer we stay the more wewill owe you. "

"Exactly so, and that's where the trouble lies. "

"Well, the more we owe you the more you will have coming, " I suggested;"and I'll just say this: That we have been traveling over a large scopeof country, and yours is one of the best hotels we have ever stopped at;and I'll give you my word as a gentleman that we'll never leave till ourbill is settled. "

"But, ---- it!" He ejaculated. "I tell you the longer you stay the worseI am off, and the harder it will be to settle. "

"But, " said I, "you don't understand the nature of our business. If youdid you would know that it would be as easy for us to pay a large billas a small one. " I then added:

"Rest assured, landlord, that until this bill is paid in full--onehundred cents on the dollar--you can always count on two Star boarders. "

We then stared at each other for about two minutes, when he began tolaugh, and said:

"Well, you're a dandy! Come and take a drink. "

"No, thank you; I never drink. "

"Take a cigar, then. "

"I never smoke, landlord. "

"Well, what on earth do you do? I'd like to show my appreciation of thestyle of man you are, by treating or doing something to please you. "

"Then I'll tell you what you can do, landlord; while you are outborrowing the twenty-five dollars, suppose you make it about forty, andlet us have the fifteen to settle up our wash bill, and pay a littlebill we owe across the road. "

And to show him the necessity of helping us out, I plainly told him thefacts about how we had been getting our laundry, and our experience ofthe previous day. 

He laughed till he fell on the floor; and then took me to his wife'sapartments and asked me to relate the circumstances to her two ladyfriends. 

He borrowed the fifteen dollars for us, and said we should makeourselves comfortable, which we were glad to do. We then relievedourselves of the two extra shirts each, and again settled down tobusiness. 

Our papers at last arrived from Washington, and we began closing up afew trades we had been working up. They were mostly small ones, however, and usually for collaterals which we were obliged to convert into moneyat a sacrifice. 

Finally we dealt for a horse and carriage, which was turned over to thelandlord as settlement for board, and which he was just then in need of. After paying back the fifteen dollars he had loaned us, we took ourdeparture. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XV. 

OUR VISIT TO LA GRANGE, IND. --TRADED FOR A HORSE--FOLLOWED BY ANOFFICER, WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN--PUTTING HIM ON THE WRONG SCENT--HISRETURN TO THE HOTEL--THE HORSE CAPTURED--BROKE AGAIN--HOW I MADE ARAISE. 

Our next trade was made near La Grange, Ind. , with a man by the name ofDodge. I remember the name on account of having read an article in aSturgis, Mich. , paper, wherein it stated that two patent-right men hadrecently dodged into La Grange, and after dodging around Mr. Dodge haddodged him out of a valuable horse, with which they dodged over toMichigan. This statement was perhaps correct enough, with the exceptionof its reference to our dodging over into Michigan, as though we did itto evade the Indiana laws. This was by no means the case, for we wereauthorized agents for the patentee, and always did a strictly legitimatebusiness, even if we were, at times, "a little short financially. "

We took the horse over to Sturgis to try and sell him, stopping at theElliott House. Mr. Elliott, Proprietor, has since become one of my mostintimate friends, and is now running a hotel at Ludington, Michigan. 

As we were sitting out in front of the Hotel, talking, one morning, Inoticed a stranger coming towards us, carrying a pitch-fork andband-cutter in one hand, and in the other a large paper. 

Mr. Elliott remarked:

"There comes Mr. Dodge's son, now. Guess he is going out peddling yourpatent. "

I "supposed so. "

This was not the case, however, for as he stepped up to Mr. Elliott heinquired for Johnston, and when I was pointed out to him he made atender of the deed and model, and demanded the horse in turn. 

I of course refused, whereupon he threatened to replevy, and at oncereturned to his lawyer's office. 

At that moment a lawyer came up where we were, and Mr. Elliott helped meto lay the case before him as quickly and plainly as possible, when headvised that the best way for me, was to get the horse out of thecounty, where their papers would be of no avail. I immediately saddledthe animal and started towards Branch County, taking a rather circuitousroute for Burr Oak. I took dinner at Fawn River, with a Mr. Buck, an oldacquaintance of my "mother-in-law. "

Of course "mother-in-law" acquaintances were just as good as any, atthis stage of the game. I rode into Burr Oak just at dark, supposing itto be in Branch County. After registering at the hotel and putting myhorse out, I took supper; and then began looking about for a buyer. Ivery soon discovered that I was being shadowed, by a gentleman wearing awooden leg. 

[Illustration: A WILY DETECTIVE ON THE WRONG SCENT. ]

Upon inquiry, I learned that he was the Honorable Marshal of the town. To note his manner one would have thought that he had corralled a JesseJames. I didn't worry much, however, because I knew I could out-run anywooden-legged man in Michigan. 

I then went over to the telegraph office and introduced myself to itsoccupant as a brother operator. He invited me inside the office, andasked me to make myself at home. 

A few moments later the ten-o'clock train arrived from the west, andimmediately after its departure the operator said he would have to godown the track and attend to his switch-light, and requested me toremain there till he returned. 

During his absence a gentleman came to the office window, and veryexcitedly inquired if I was the operator. I said:

"Don't I look like one? What can I do for you, sir?"

"Well, see here: Has there been a young fellow here this evening by thename of Johnston, sending messages to his wife, or to any one else?"

"Yes, sir, he was telling me about a patent-right trade he had made fora horse. Guess he told me all about it. "

"Where is he now, I wonder?" was his next query. 

"Come with me. I'll show you right where to find him. "

I then led the way up street, and in the meantime questioned him as tohis business. He said he wanted to serve a writ of replevin and take thehorse. I then asked if he had papers that would do for Branch County. Hesaid he didn't need Branch County papers, as Burr Oak was in St. JosephCounty. 

This was most depressing news to me; but I walked along till I came toa street running north, when I stopped, and pointing in that direction, said:

"Now you go to the very last house on the left-hand side of this street, and inquire for Johnston. If they say he isn't there, you force your wayinto the house. Don't leave till you get in; and there's no one here whowouldn't be only too glad to see that family come up with by a goodsharp detective. Now don't fail to get in, for there you will find yourman. "

He thanked me several times, and after shaking hands with me, started onthe run. 

I then hurried to the hotel and ordered my horse, which the landlordrefused to let me have, saying that notice had been served on him tokeep it locked up. 

I sat down to await the coming of the great detective. 

[Illustration: THE WILY DETECTIVE'S RETURN TO THE HOTEL. ]

He soon made his appearance, and more resembled a tramp than thepolished official of a few moments before. It was plainly evident to methat he had made a desperate attempt to follow my instructions. One-halfof the skirt of his Prince Albert coat was entirely missing; no hat, a piece torn from the seat of his pants, only half of his linen collarleft to grace his neck, and a single linen cuff to decorate his twowrists; one sleeve of his coat in rags, one of his pant legs fringedout, the perspiration running off him like rain-water, and one eyeclosed. He came in panting and puffing and roaring like a lion. 

"Find me a Justice of the Peace, at once! I'll arrest the whole gang!"

"Arrest what gang? Who are you alluding to?" asked the landlord. 

"Why, that gang up north here. I'll arrest the whole mob, and shoot thatdog if I get killed for it!"

"Well, I supposed you were looking for Johnston?"

"Well, so I am; but they have him down there stowed away, and a wholeregiment of soldiers wouldn't be able to get in, unless that dog is putout of the way. And that pesky old woman looks more like the devil thana human being. I wouldn't venture back there alone for the whole northhalf of Michigan!"

"But isn't this the man you want?" pointing to me. 

"The devil, no. What do I want of the telegraph operator? I wantJohnston, but I'd give more for that ---- old woman's scalp and thatdog's life than I would for a dozen Johnstons and all the horses in thestate, and I----"

"But, " interrupted the landlord, "this isn't the operator; this isJohnston, --or at least, he's the man who rode the horse here. "

"The dickens he is!" shrieked the officer. "This is the man who sent meup there, and--"

"Did you get in?" I asked, insinuatingly. 

"Get in? I want you to understand this is no joke, sir!" said he, as hecame towards me in a threatening manner. "And if you're Johnston youought to have your heart cut out. Look at me, look at me, sir: Do youthink there is anything funny about this?"

"Well, I thought I'd give you a little sharp detective work to do beforecapturing my horse, so you would have something wonderful to relate whenyou arrived home. "

"Then you're the man I want, are you?"

"Yes, sir, I suppose I am; but really, my friend, I didn't suppose youwere going to lose all your clothes, and get completely knocked out andso thoroughly demoralized. How did it all happen?"

"Oh, you're too ---- funny! It's none of your ---- business how it allhappened. I'll get even with you. I'm sorry I haven't a warrant for yourarrest, instead of a writ of replevin for a horse, ---- you!"

"See here; don't you ---- me, sir, or I'll finish you up right here, inless than one minute!"

He then quieted down, and after serving the writ, took possession of thehorse, before leaving for Sturgis. However, he spent nearly an hour inmending his clothes, patching up his nose and face, and dressing theslight flesh-wounds on his hands and arms, after which he borrowed ahat, and as I supposed, returned to Sturgis with the horse. 

I remained over night at the hotel, although I was completely stranded, and wondered what I should do to make a raise. I realized fully that Iwould be obliged to lose several days' valuable time were I to remainthere to contest the ownership of the horse, as return day had been setsix days ahead. Hence I considered it folly to lose so much time for thevalue of a horse. 

The next morning I arose early, and after breakfast began to search foran opportunity to make a few dollars. 

I happened into a drug store and entering into conversation with theproprietor found him a very agreeable gentleman and explained to himthat I was a "little short, " and inquired if he had any patentmedicines, pills, or anything in that line that a good salesman couldhandle. He replied that the only thing he had was about a gallon oflemon extract which he had made himself from a recipe he had beenfoolish enough to pay ten dollars for, and had never yet sold ten cents'worth of the stuff. 

I asked to see it and on tasting it found an excellent article. I thenasked if he would let me take the glass jar and a small graduate tomeasure it with, and he said: "Certainly. "

With the flavoring extract and measure I started for a general canvass, going from house to house and introducing "The finest grade of lemonextract, twenty-five cents per ounce or five ounces for one dollar. "

Each purchaser must furnish her own bottle to hold it. 

I returned at noon with seven dollars sixty cents, when I took thebalance of the dope back to the druggist and asked how much I owed him. He said:

"Well, I'll tell you, I'd like to sell the whole of it out to you. I'lltake fifty cents and you own all the flavoring extract there is left, and I'll sell you the jar and graduate cheap if you want them. "

"All right sir, " handing over the fifty cents, "I'll return after dinnerand try it again. "

This little experience about convinced me that there was more money inthat business than in patent rights. 

As I was on my way to the hotel I met a man with a small flour-sifterfor the sale of which he was acting as general agent in appointingsub-agents. 

I asked his terms. 

He said he required each new agent to buy four hundred sifters attwenty-five cents each, which he could retail for fifty cents. Unless aman could buy this number he could not have agency. 

After dinner I started out again with the flavoring extract. At thethird house I entered, an old gentleman asked if I could get him theagency for it. He said it wasn't necessary for him to do anything of thekind, as he owned a nice home and a small farm and had some money oninterest, but he didn't like to spend his time in idleness. I told himthat our house had no vacancies, but I could intercede in his behalf inmaking him an agent for a patent flour-sifter. 

He asked what terms he could make. I told him they retailed for fiftycents each, but in order to secure the exclusive sale in his town hewould have to pay the regular retail price for the first four hundred, after which he could have all he wanted at half that price. 

He said he wouldn't care to invest more than one hundred dollars anyhow, and expressed a desire to see one of them. 

"Well, " said I, "I am always glad to do a man a favor, and I will rundown town and bring one up to you. "

I went immediately to where the gentleman was unpacking his sifters, andasked if he would be willing to sell two hundred and give the exclusivesale. 

He refused to do so, and I saw there was little use in trying topersuade him, when I explained the nature of my case. 

He said it wouldn't pay him to sell so few. 

"Then I'll tell you what I'll do, " said I. "You see if I was to sell twohundred at the price I have quoted, I'd make fifty dollars. Now if youwill let me make the sale I'll give you half of my profits. "

He agreed, and I returned to my victim and put the deal through in lessthan an hour, and pocketed twenty-five dollars--my share of the profits. I then returned at once to my flavoring extract and sold over threedollars' worth that afternoon, making a clear profit of thirty-fivedollars for my day's work. 

I then joined Frank at Sturgis, and after settling up our affairs there, he left for Ohio with the understanding that I would meet him at Elmorethree days later. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XVI. 

ARRIVING AT ELMORE, OHIO, STRANDED--RECEIVING EIGHT DOLLARS ON APATENT-RIGHT SALE--DUNNED IN ADVANCE BY THE LANDLORD--CHANGINGHOTELS--MY VISIT TO FREMONT--MEETING MR. KEEFER AND BORROWING MONEY--OURVISIT TO FINDLAY--A BIG DEAL--LOSING MONEY IN WHEAT--FOLLOWED BYOFFICERS WITH A WRIT OF REPLEVIN--OUTWITTING THEM--A FOUR-MILECHASE--HIDING OUR RIG IN A CELLAR. 

I stopped at Bronson, where my wife and boy were visiting her people andin a couple of days we all started for Elmore, where we arrived bag andbaggage without a cent. 

My wife said she couldn't see why I should want her to accompany me whenI was meeting with such poor success. I explained that it would possiblycome very handy to have her Saratoga trunk along occasionally to helpsatisfy the landlords of our responsibility. 

"O, I see you want to sort of pawn us, occasionally for hotel bills, don't you?"

"Well, yes, " I answered, "it might be convenient to do so should we getcornered. "

She said she didn't think she cared to be detained for hotel bills. 

"Well, you wouldn't see a fellow starve would you?"

"No, " she replied, "but if ever we _are_ pawned I want you to try andredeem us as soon as possible. "

We took quarters at one of the best hotels, and the next day after ourarrival a young man came there selling ornamental stove-pipe hole coversmade of plaster of paris. 

I made his acquaintance at once and learned that he was from BattleCreek, Mich. , where his father resided and owned a good property. 

I asked his reason for engaging in that business. He said his fathersuggested it so that he would gain experience. 

"Oh, I see, you are looking for experience. "

"Yes, that's what I want. "

"Well sir, " I said, "you are in a poor business to get experience. Youought to get into the business I am in if you want experience. "

"What is your business?" he asked. I then introduced my model andexplained its merits. 

He said he would like Calhoun County, Mich. , and asked the price. Ilooked the map over and set the price at one hundred and fifty dollars. He said he would like it, but hadn't money enough. 

I asked how much he had. 

After counting what he had he said eight dollars was all he could spare. 

"Well, I will take the eight dollars and your note for one hundred andforty-two dollars, payable three months after date. "

He agreed, and I made out the papers, receiving the cash and note. 

This amount of money, though small, came just in the nick of time, because of the Saratoga-trunk scheme not proving a success. In less thanone hour after I had made the deal, the landlord asked me to pay inadvance. I immediately flew into a rage and demanded him to make out mybill for what we had had and receipt it in full, which he did, and Ipaid it with a flourish and with the air of a millionaire!

There was another hotel just across the street, and when our landlordhappened to step out in front of his house and I noticed the landlordof the opposite house also standing outside of his door I at once tookadvantage of the situation and began to abuse my landlord at a terriblerate for his impertinence and cussed meanness and gave him to distinctlyunderstand that he would lose boarders by the means. 

I then called on the other landlord and explained how his competitor hadshown his narrow ideas of running a hotel and how quickly he secured hispay after demanding it and then asked if he could give usaccommodations. He said he could, and we moved at once. 

The new proprietor proved to be our kind of a landlord. The next dayFrank, who had stopped off at Toledo, came on and joined us. 

We left my family there and went over to Fremont, where by accident wemet Mr. Keefer and my mother. 

They asked how we were progressing. 

I explained everything and "just how it all happened. "

My mother said she thought we had done splendidly. Mr. Keefer said: "Itdid beat the d----l. "

I then called him one side and began negotiations for a hundred-dollarloan. 

He explained that he was absolutely hard up, but would be glad to helpme if he could. 

I then reminded him that his signature at the bank would be all that wasneeded. 

"Well, " said he, "I believe you will come out all right some day, and Iguess I'll sign with you if you think you can meet it. "

We stepped into the bank and procured the money. 

The next day Frank and I went over to Findlay where we met a man sellinga patent washing machine. We there succeeded in effecting a trade in ourpatent, and also found a customer for a large sale on the washingmachine, for which the agent paid us liberally. 

The two trades netted us thirteen hundred dollars in cash and a finehorse, harness and carriage. 

We then drove over to Elmore, where I had left my wife and boy. Afterleaving her money enough to convince her that she would not be pawnedthat week we started the next day eastward, stopping at Fremont forsupper about six o'clock. 

We had traded the State of Illinois in our patent to a gentleman in thelightning-rod business, and that night while walking up street wenoticed a large crowd of men standing on the corner talking. 

We stepped across the street to see what the excitement was. 

On looking over the shoulders of the men we saw our customer, thelightning-rod man, standing there holding his pitchfork in one hand andvalise in the other. We were about to crowd in when we heard him say:

"Well, if I can find them I shall have them arrested and replevin thehorse. "

Frank and I then held a short consultation. Our first idea was to go tohim and ascertain what he meant by saying he would arrest us. We feltcertain we had violated no law, or at least had no intention of doingso. But after reconsidering the matter we concluded that he was simply a"squealer, " and as we had made a square, fair trade with him we decidedto let him find us instead of our looking for him. 

Our experience of a few days before with the writ of replevin had been avery good lesson. We didn't consider it worth while to deliberately turnour stock over to "squealers, " when they were taking so much pains tohunt us up, and especially when we stopped to realize that in dealingwith a lightning-rod man it was simply a case of "diamond cut diamond. "We therefore started East that evening, arriving at Cleveland a few dayslater. 

On reading the late daily papers which we always made a practice ofdoing, we found several long articles about two men visiting Findlaywith a patent right and how they had taken a handsome horse and carriageand several thousand dollars in cash for which they gave worthlessdeeds. 

We also read a full description of ourselves and the horse and buggy andthat a liberal reward would be paid for our capture and return toFindlay. 

We were at a loss to understand the meaning of all this, and called onone of the best lawyers in Cleveland and paid him ten dollars to examineour Power of Attorney. 

He pronounced it perfect, and said we had complied with the law inhaving it recorded, in our method of deeding, and in every otherrespect; and said that the patentee was powerless to annul the Power ofAttorney, except by giving me thirty days' notice. 

We then concluded to give them a good chase, before giving up the horseand carriage; for though they had spent considerable money in trying tocapture us, we realized that the horse and buggy were all we had to lookout for, so far as concerned any loss. 

We stopped at a first-class hotel, and enjoyed life hugely. 

While there, we met an acquaintance who had been speculating in wheat, and had made a lot of money in a very short time. 

He assured us that if we would let him invest a portion of our cash thesame as he was intending to invest his own, we would leave Clevelandwith a barrel of money. Of course we hadn't thought of scooping it in bythe barrel, and the idea rather caught us. 

Neither Frank nor myself had the slightest conception of the method ofspeculating in that way. And to this day, I am still as ignorant as thenregarding it, and have no desire to learn it. 

Well, we let our friend invest five hundred dollars, and in less thanthree days he called on us for three hundred more, saying he _must_ haveit to tide us over. Two days later he announced to us the crushing factthat all was lost! His cash as well as ours. 

He then began urging us to try it once more. Anxious to get back whatwe had lost, we needed but little persuasion; and in less than one weekfound ourselves about cleaned out. We had speculated all we cared to;and after settling up with the landlord, started west again with thehorse and buggy, to continue our patent-right business. 

Wherever we stopped, we imagined every time we saw a person approachingus, that it was an officer with papers for our arrest, or a writ ofreplevin for the horse and carriage. We cared more for the writ than wedid for the arrest, as we had by this time posted ourselves as to thetrouble and annoyance it would cause us to allow them to get possessionof the rig. Besides, it had already become a question whether we wouldout-general them or they us. 

We realized that their reasons, whatever they were, for demanding ourarrest, were groundless. So our only desire was to sell the whole outfitat a good figure. 

It would have paid us better in every way to have turned it over to themen we had traded with, and to have come to an understanding with them;but we were too anxious to win, in the race we had begun. 

We had a great scare and narrow escape, at a small inland town where westopped just at dusk, intending to remain over night. 

While sitting in front of the hotel, about nine o'clock that evening, several gentlemen scrutinized us very sharply as they passed by. Amongthem happened to be an old friend whom we had known at Clyde. He askedwhat we had been doing that the authorities had a right to arrest us, adding that two men were at that very moment looking up an officer forthat purpose. 

We gave immediate orders for our horse to be hitched up, and hastilyinformed our friend of the facts. He said there must be some reason forthe Findlay authorities wanting us, as they had offered a reward of ahundred dollars for us, and twenty-five for the horse and buggy. 

We started west at a rapid gait. 

It was a beautiful moonlight night, and we had not traveled far till wesaw coming after us two men on horseback, riding rapidly. We drove but afew rods farther when we came to a steep hill, at the bottom of whichwas a cross-road extending in both directions through the woods, and alarge bridge crossing a river just west of the road-crossing. We drovedown the embankment and under the bridge into the river, and thereawaited the coming of the two men. They stopped on the bridge, and thereheld a consultation We heard one of them say:

"I wonder which way the devils went, anyhow?"

"Well, " the other remarked, "they are traveling west, and it's quitelikely they have crossed the bridge. "

Just as they were about to start again our horse pawed in the water, andat once attracted their attention. 

[Illustration: A "KICKER AND SQUEALER. "]

One of them stopped, and said; "Wait a minute. I heard a noise under thebridge. "

At this they both stopped, and, as we supposed, were about to make aninvestigation, when I dropped the reins, and raising my hands to mymouth, made a noise like the bellowing of a "critter. " One of them said:

"Oh, come on. It's nothing but a ---- old cow!"

They then started across the bridge, greatly to our relief andsatisfaction. 

After a few moments' delay we returned to the cross-roads, and startedsouth, traveling but a short distance when we again turned west. 

We now began to realize that they were making it quite lively for us, and decided to sell the whole rig at any price. 

We drove to within about a mile of Norwalk, when I alighted and walkedinto the town for the purpose of finding a buyer. 

Frank drove to a small inland town eight miles south of Norwalk, where Iagreed to meet him the next day. 

The following morning I met a middle-aged gentleman on the streets, andasked him if there were any horse-buyers in town. He asked what kind ofhorses I had for sale. I told him I only had one, and gave a descriptionof the animal. 

He said he was buying horses, and would drive out with me and see if wecould deal. 

He hitched up a pair of horses, and taking another gentleman with us, started south. Upon arriving at our destination, we found Frankquartered at a nice country hotel. 

The two men looked our whole outfit over, scrutinizing it very closely, and showed no signs of wanting to buy, and did not even ask our price. 

I then said:

"Gentlemen, we will sell you this whole rig cheap, if you wish it. "

Finally, after I had repeated several times that I would sell itdirt-cheap, the old gentleman ventured to ask what I considered cheap?

"Well, sir, " said I, "you can have the whole outfit for twelve hundreddollars. "

"Great Heavens!" he exclaimed. "Do you call that cheap?"

"Well, " I answered, "you needn't buy unless you want to. "

They then drove off, when I said:

"Frank, those men have had a full description of us and our rig, andwe'd better skip. "

Frank said he had a trade about worked up with the landlord's father, who lived three miles from there. He wanted to trade a fine horse forour carriage, and thought it best to take our chances of staying toclose it up. 

After dinner the landlord accompanied us to his father's farm. We had totravel one mile west and two north. On our way there, and about a halfmile from town, we had a conversation with a young farmer acquaintanceof the landlord, who said if we didn't make a deal as we expected, hewould give us a trade of some kind on our way back. On reaching the farmwe found a handsome four-year-old colt unbroken, but as we could see, avaluable animal. 

We traded our carriage for it and a cheap saddle and bridle. When wecame to look the carriage over we found an iron brace broken, and thebargain was, that we were to take it back to town and pay for getting itrepaired, and then leave it in care of the landlord. 

We started back, the landlord and myself walking and leading the colt, while Frank drove our horse and buggy. 

When we reached the young farmer's place above-mentioned, he came out tothe gate; and after we were several rods past the house, called to thelandlord, who went back. 

I noticed that the farmer talked in a very loud tone till the landlordgot close to him, when he then spoke very low. 

Just then Frank came driving up, when I said:

"There's something in the wind. I'll bet that farmer has talked withsome one since we went up there, who has told him about the patent-rightdeal. "

I then explained the actions of the farmer. Frank said it did look alittle suspicious, but thought it might possibly be a mistake. As amatter of caution Frank drove on to the hotel, where he unhitched thehorse, and prepared to start on horseback as soon as we arrived withthe colt, which I was to ride. 

[Illustration: A FOUR MILE CHASE. --PAGE 234. ]

As soon as the landlord returned to where I was, he showed considerableanxiety and nervousness, which convinced me more than ever that I wascorrect in my surmises. 

He talked but little, on our way to the hotel. When we arrived there hiswife came out and had a private talk with him, I then said:

"Well, landlord, we will allow you one dollar for the carriage repairsand you can have it done yourself. "

At that I reached out for the halter-strap, to take possession of thecolt. 

"Well, see here, " said he, excitedly, "there is something wrong. Two menhave been here looking for you. "

"Where are they?" I asked. 

"Well, " said he, "they have no doubt gone one mile too far west, intrying to get to my father's farm, and have missed us. "

I stepped to the middle of the road, and looking west, saw in thedistance a team with two men coming. I called for Frank to hitch upagain, at once, fully realizing the uselessness of trying to take thecolt and leave the buggy, and that there was no time to argue orexplain matters to the satisfaction of the landlord. 

When I had paid our hotel bill, and gotten the valise containing our_shirts_--(which we clung to with a bull-dog tenacity, owing to our lateshirtless experience)--I hurried to the barn, where I found Frank hadthe horse between the shafts, and we hitched him up in a space of timethat would have done credit to an expert Fire-engine Company. 

Only one side of the shafts was supported by the harness, and we did notstop to fasten the hold-back straps, nor to put the lines through theterret, nor tie the hitching strap. But the instant the traces werefastened and the lines were in the buggy, we jumped in, and none toosoon, either, for just as we turned our horse in the road the two mencame driving around the corner. We started south, with our horse on adead run and under the whip, followed by them with their horses underfull speed, and also under the whip. 

The race was indeed exciting, on a Macadamized road as smooth and hardas a floor. I drove, using the whip freely, while Frank stood up in thecarriage, facing the men, swinging his hat and yelling like a wildIndian. They kept up the chase for about four miles, we making a turnat every cross-road, first west then south, and kept it up till we sawthey were slacking their gait, when we also gave our horse a rest. 

We then proceeded west, driving till very late that night, and arrivingat the house of a farmer acquaintance of mine, five miles from Clyde, about midnight. I called him up and explained matters. He said we shouldput the horse in the barn, and stay with him two or three days, till wesaw how things were. 

We told him that his neighbors would very soon learn that he had a horseand carriage there, and would necessarily have to have an explanation asto the ownership. 

We then suggested putting the whole rig, horse and all, into the cellar, which we did; and then remained there three days, eating spring chickensand new potatoes. We paid our friend's wife three dollars per day forkeeping us and our horse, besides fifty cents apiece for young chickenswhich were about one-third grown. This was twenty-five cents more thanshe could have gotten for them had she kept them till they were fullgrown. Yet she worried a great deal about killing off her youngchickens. Every time she cooked one for us she would declare that shedidn't believe it paid, and she wouldn't kill any more till they grew tofull size. 

We undertook to argue her out of the idea, by showing how many bushelsof corn each chicken would eat before fall, and the low price it wouldbring at that time. 

She said: "It didn't make any difference. Common sense taught her that achicken wasn't worth as much when it was one-third grown as when fullgrown, and she didn't care to sell us any more. "

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XVII. 

VISITING MY FAMILY AT ELMORE--HOW WE FOOLED A DETECTIVE--A FRIEND INNEED--ARRIVING AT SWANTON, OHIO, BROKE--HOW I MADE A RAISE--DISGUISINGMY HORSE WITH A COAT OF PAINT--CAPTURED AT TOLEDO--SELLING MYHORSE--ARRIVED HOME BROKE. 

Three days later I borrowed a saddle and started on horseback toward thewest, leaving Frank to dispose of the buggy and harness. 

I returned to Elmore the second night out, about nine o'clock. Afterputting my horse out, called at the hotel to visit my wife and see theboy. 

The next day, while we were sitting in our room, the landlord, Mr. Hineline, came up, saying that a detective was down in the office, or atleast a man claiming to be one, making all sort of inquiries about us. 

I instructed the landlord, who was a sharp, shrewd little gentleman, howto act and what to say, and instructed my wife to enclose a letter inan envelope, and, after addressing it "J. P. Johnston, Mt. Vernon, O. Ifnot called for in 5 days forward to Columbus; if not called for in 5days forward to Dayton, " she slipped down to the office and asked thelandlord to please mail it for her. He carelessly laid it down on thedesk near the detective, who lost no time in jotting down the fulldirections. 

The last we saw of him he had bought a ticket and was taking the firsttrain for Mt. Vernon. 

In a couple of days I started towards the west. 

I came very near making two or three horse-trades, and no doubt wouldhave succeeded, if I hadn't felt every minute that some one was going toswoop down upon me, and capture me and my horse. 

I didn't feel as if I ought to stop a minute anywhere. I could lookahead to certain places where I thought no detective on earth coulddiscover me till I could make a deal; but when I would reach there Iinvariably felt the same as at all other places, and was constantly onthe alert watching the corners, which alone was enough for any one manto busy himself at. 

I arrived the following Sunday at Grand Rapids, Ohio, a small town onthe Maumee River, and also on a canal. I put my horse up, and tookdinner at the hotel; after which a very hard-looking character, claimingto have lost all his money gambling with his chums, the river men, stepped up to me in the barn and asked if I would give him money to payfor his dinner. 

"Certainly, " I said, handing him twenty-five cents, saying, as I did so, "I'll give you half of all I possess. " He thanked me, and said:

"Say, you're a gentleman, and I'll give you a pointer: There's anofficer here after you. "

That was all he had to say. I then said:

"Here, help saddle and bridle my horse, quick!"

He did so, and helped me to mount, and with a long stick which he pickedup, struck my horse across the hip and yelled:

"Now you're all right!" as I passed out on a full gallop. Just as I wasleaving the barn I heard a voice cry out:

"Stop that man! Stop that man!"

"Go it, you son-of-a-gun!" my new friend yelled; and I did "go it. "

I steered my course toward Swanton, arriving there that night, with justtwenty-five cents in my pocket. 

I had an old friend living there who was a painter by trade, besidesnumerous acquaintances. It will be remembered that it was at this sametown I had resigned my position as Telegraph operator a few yearsbefore. 

I very soon called on my old landlord, who gave me a hearty welcome. After putting my horse out, I settled down for the night. 

The next morning I called on my friend, who had just finished a job ofpainting, but could not collect his bill at once, and being a littleshort himself, was unable to assist me. 

I asked if he had a good credit there, and he replied that he could buyanything he wanted on time. 

I then asked if he could hire a horse and buggy on those terms, and hesaid he could. 

"Well then, you come to a drug store with me and we will buy some patentmedicine, or something that we can sell to the farmers, and we willtravel through the country with your hired rig, leading my horse behind, and peddle from house to house on our way to Adrian, Mich. , where I canpossibly sell my horse, and you can then return home. "

He then suggested that it would be a good scheme to take a pot of copalvarnish and brush along, and take jobs of the farmers to varnish piecesof furniture, charging a certain price for each piece. 

"Well, " said I, "why not sell them the varnish, and let them do the workthemselves?"

"But they can buy all the varnish they want right here where we buy it. "

"That's true, " I answered, "but they can't buy _our_ kind at _any_ drugstore. "

He laughed, and said he guessed I'd find people in that country up tothe times. 

"Very well, then, so much the better, if they are, for they'll wantsomething new; and I don't think there has been any one along sellingthem ounce bottles of copal varnish for fifty cents!"

No, he said he hadn't heard of any one doing so, and didn't think itcould be done. 

I insisted it could be done. 

We then called on the druggist, who had plenty of varnish, but only fourempty bottles in stock. 

We got a tin pail, and bought one gallon of varnish and the fourbottles. 

The druggist exhibited some brushes, saying we would have to use one toapply the varnish while showing it up. 

"No, thank you, " I replied. "All I want is a piece of Canton flannel. It won't do to apply it with a brush. I understand your people here areup with the times. If so, they want something new. "

He said he thought it extremely new to apply varnish with a cloth. 

We started immediately after dinner, and commenced operations one mileout of town. 

The very first house we stopped at--and an old log one, at that--I soldthe lady three bottles for one dollar, one each for herself, her motherand her sister. 

When I delivered them out of my coat pocket (we had no valise or samplecase), I said to her:

"Madam, I put up this preparation myself, and I have run short ofbottles. Can't you empty the polish into something else and let meretain these?"

"Certainly, " she answered, and stepping to the pantry, she opened thedoor, when I noticed several bottles on the shelf. 

"Now, I'll tell you what I'll do. I will trade you some more of mypreparation for a few of those bottles. "

"All right. It's a trade. "

I returned to the buggy loaded down with bottles of all sizes, shapesand colors, and a dollar bill, which looked the size of a barn door toboth of us. 

I then carried our pail of varnish into the house and paid her liberallyfor the bottles. 

I called at every house thereafter, and never missed making a sale tillthe eighth was reached, when the old lady declared emphatically that shedidn't have fifty cents in the house. 

Then I asked if she had any eggs. She said she had. 

"Very well; I'll allow you twenty cents per dozen for them, but you mustgive me an old box of some kind to put them in. "

She was anxious to trade, and when I started off with two and one-halfdozen, she said she believed I might have the other five dozen if I'dgive her two more bottles. I accommodated her, and as I left she saidshe was sorry John hadn't gathered the eggs the night before, so shecould let me have more of them, as I was paying more than they had beengetting. 

I told her I'd wait while she gathered them. 

She started to do so, but suddenly changed her mind, saying she thoughtI had sold her enough of my patent staff, anyhow. 

When I rejoined my new partner and friend he was delighted, and askedwhy I didn't trade for the chickens. 

We met with flattering success, making frequent trades as well as manycash sales. Among other trades was one I made with a lady for asheep-pelt. Although I had not dealt in them since my early experience, I ventured to make an offer of one bottle of my preparation, which wasaccepted. 

We staid that night with a German farmer, who looked suspiciously at ourextra horse; and when we retired to a little six-by-eight room, way upin the garret, he took the pains to lock us in. 

My partner said he guessed the old Dutchman took us for horse-thieves. 

"Well, " I answered, "I guess he will take us for wholesale varnishpeddlers before I get through with him. "

The next morning, after we were liberated, I began at once to ingratiatemyself in the confidence of the old lady, in order to effect a sale. 

Immediately after breakfast I introduced the patent furniture lustre, and before I had half finished my story the old lady cried out:

"I take 'em, I take 'em; how much?"

I then said:

"How much do I owe you?"

"How many oats did your horses eat?"

"Oh, about a bushel. "

"One dollar, " she said. 

"Very well, " said I, "my price is one dollar, but you have been verykind to lock us up for the night, and I'll give you two bottles for yourtrouble. "

Before leaving, I traded her some extra lustre for some empty bottles;and this plan I kept up during the day. 

We arrived at Blissfield, Mich. , where we disposed of our eggs at tencents per dozen, and realized forty cents for the sheep-pelt, afterwhich we replenished our stock of varnish. 

I had now become more interested in my new business than in the sale ofmy horse; and concluded to abandon the trip to Adrian, and return toSwanton, where I could dissolve partnership with my friend, and continuethe business alone, on horseback if necessary. 

On our return trip to Swanton I continued to trade for eggs, wherecustomers were short of cash; and one lady said she couldn't understandhow I could afford to pay twenty cents per dozen when the market pricewas but ten cents. 

"Well, madam, you see, that's the trick of the trade. "

"But, " said she, "the merchant we deal with is as tricky as any one; buthe won't pay only ten cents a dozen for eggs. "

"Yes, " I answered, "and he makes you take groceries and dry goods forthem, too, while I give you something you need in exchange for them. "

She said, "That's so. "

When we returned to Swanton we had nearly twenty dollars in cash, andthat many dollars' worth of stock on hand at retail price. 

I now felt very anxious to sell my horse, as my patent-right experiencewas quite sufficient to convince me that such a business was no businessat all. 

My horse was a handsome dapple grey, and my friend said he could painthim a dark color, and so completely disguise him that no man coulddetect him. 

I suggested that it might also be a good idea to paint me, or at leastmy auburn hair. 

He said he wouldn't undertake that job, but he knew he could fix thehorse. 

"Very well, " said I, "go ahead and paint him. "

He did so, and a first-class job it was. 

I then started for Toledo on horse-back, but before I had traveled far, was caught in a heavy rain-storm. I hitched my horse in front of aschool-house and went inside for shelter, by permission of the teacher. 

The rain continued for about two hours, and when I returned to my horsehe was absolutely the homeliest and oddest-colored brute I ever saw. Thepaint had run down his legs in streaks, and had formed a combination ofcolors more easily imagined than described. On arriving at Toledo I putmy horse in a sale stable and ordered him to be sold. 

The proprietor looked us both over with much suspicion, and asked fromwhich direction I had come. 

"From the west, sir, " I answered. 

"From the far west?" he still further inquired. 

"You'd think so, if you'd followed me, " I replied. 

"Well, what in the d----l ails your horse?"

"Well, sir, he fell in the Chicago River, " was my answer. 

Stepping to the animal, he rubbed his fingers over the rough, stickyhair, and then placing them to his nose, said:----

"Don't smell bad, --looks's though he'd been dyed. "

"Well, I wish to ---- he'd died before I ever saw him. "

Upon registering at a hotel to await results, I met an old acquaintancewho was boarding there, and explained to him my predicament. 

He said he didn't think I would ever be able to sell my horse with allthat daub on him, unless I explained just how I had traded for him. Ireplied that to make a full statement would surely result in a writ ofreplevin being served and the horse being taken from me. 

A couple of days later, my friend came rushing into the hotel andinformed me that two men, one a policeman, were at the barn carefullyscrutinizing the horse. 

I waited a few moments, when I walked leisurely to the barn, and afterpaying for his keeping, ordered him saddled, and immediately started outon the jump. Just as I passed from the barn I noticed a man coming onthe run towards me. I put spurs to the animal, when the man yelled, "Halt! halt!" but I wasn't halting, and kept on down the street, lookingback at the gentleman as my horse sped rapidly along. 

He then yelled: "Stop that man! stop that man!"

[Illustration: "STOP THAT MAN! STOP THAT MAN. "]

I kept looking back, and had just begun to congratulate myself on mysuccess, when suddenly my horse came to a full stop, and I landedforward astride his neck, hanging on by his mane. I then discovered alarge policeman holding him by the bit. 

I dismounted, and as the gentleman who had been running behind came upto where we were, the police officer said to him:

"Mr. Cavanaugh, what shall I do with the horse?"

"Take him back to the stable, for the time being, " was the answer. 

I then said:

"I now recognize you as the gentleman and detective whom I wasintroduced to a few weeks ago by an acquaintance from Bronson, Mich. , atwhich place I believe you formerly resided, and where I married mywife. "

"Sure enough, " he answered. "Your wife and I were school childrentogether. Johnston is your name. "

"Yes, sir. "

"Well, great Heavens! you're no horse-thief!"

"Well, who in thunder said I was? I am sure I never said so, " was myreply. 

"What have you painted this horse for?" he inquired. 

"Well, I guess I'll have to tell you privately, " I answered. 

We then walked along together, and I explained everything. 

"Well, this case, " said he, "has been reported to the Captain of Police;and I guess you'd better go over to his office and explain matters, anda note from him to the proprietor of the sale-stable will help you todispose of the horse. "

We visited the Captain, to whom I explained, and as proof of mystatement produced my papers and some newspaper clippings. 

The Captain said if I was sleek enough to trade a lightning-rod agentout of a horse with a patent right, I ought to be pensioned. He saidhe'd send word to the stable-man that it was all right, which I supposehe did. At any rate, I sold out to the proprietor inside of an hour. 

I then decided to go immediately to Findlay and see what grounds theyhad for wanting to arrest us. 

On arriving there I spent about three hours in trying to find anofficer who would recognize me, and possibly place me under arrest. Notsuccessful in this, I looked for and found an officer, with whom Imanaged to get into conversation, and was obliged to tell him plainlywho I was, before he would "take a tumble, " as the saying is. 

He then said he knew all about the trade, and was acquainted with themen, and the circumstances of their offering the reward. 

"Well, now, " said I, "you arrest me, and we'll get the reward. "

"But, " said he, "the men you traded with have left town. "

I asked if he knew why they had offered a reward for us. 

He said it was because the Patentee had arrived on the scene the dayafter our trade, and had remarked that Johnston had no authority to deedaway territory in his patent; for the reason that the Power of Attorneyhad a clause in it which read as follows: "This Power of Attorney isrevocable in thirty days from the day it is given by the said Patentee. "They then concluded to try and arrest us, and if successful possiblymake us pay handsomely, or prosecute us. 

This bit of information was relished by me, for I at once saw that thePatentee had gotten things badly mixed. The clause he referred to, whichwas the one mentioned in another chapter, read as follows: "This Powerof Attorney is revocable on thirty days' notice from the said Patentee. "

Having satisfied myself, and several acquaintances of the men we haddealt with, that we had not violated the law, I returned to Toledo, where I met Frank, who had disposed of the carriage and harness. 

He left me there; and one evening at the supper table I entered intoconversation with several gentlemen, one of whom related a few incidentsof his experience, when I also related my late experience in sellingcopal varnish. 

An old gentleman across the table from me then said that he had a recipefor making a furniture and piano polish that was immense. He said itwould leave a beautiful hard lustre, was not sticky or gummy to thefingers, and would remove all white stains from furniture, and becomeperfectly dry in less than one minute from the time it was applied. 

"Well, sir, " I said, "I am looking for some thing of that kind, and----"

"Very well, " he interrupted; "it will cost you twenty-five dollars. "

I said: "I'll you five dollars before testing it. "

"No, sir; not one dollar less than my price. "

But he would make up a small bottle, and show me how it worked. He didso, and I was at once convinced. 

I then dickered a while with him, and after satisfying myself that Icould buy it for no less than his price, purchased it; and have alwaysconsidered it a good investment. An Incorporated Manufacturing Companyof this city now use the same recipe, supplying agents in all parts ofthe country. 

I immediately visited Elmore, where my wife and boy still remained. After paying their board and a doctor's bill for the boy, I took a rundown to Clyde, arriving there "broke. "

I had a long talk with my folks, and explained "just how it allhappened. "

My mother said she thought I had made a splendid record for a boy with afamily. 

Mr. Keefer said, "It did beat the devil. "

CHAPTER XVIII. 

MR. KEEFER CALLED FROM HOME--MY MOTHER REFUSES ME A LOAN--PEDDLINGFURNITURE POLISH ON FOOT--HAVING MY FORTUNE TOLD--MY TRIP THROUGHMICHIGAN--ARRESTED FOR SELLING WITHOUT LICENSE--"IT NEVER RAINS BUT ITPOURS"--COLLAPSED--A GOOD MORAL--MAKING A RAISE. 

I remained at home but a day or two, during which time Mr. Keefer wascalled away on business, leaving my mother and myself to discuss thefuture together. I told her of my varnish experience, and about myrecipe for the piano and furniture polish, and assured her that I hadmade a firm resolution never to sell another patent right. 

She said she was glad to hear that, as it had worried her night and dayduring the whole time I was in that business. 

I then suggested that she loan me money enough to invest in a fewbottles of polish. 

"Not one cent, sir. "

"Well, " said I, "it won't take but about--"

"No matter, " she interrupted, "if it won't take but ten cents you willnot get it from me. You have had the last cent from us you will everget. "

I remarked that I was sorry pa had gone away. 

She said it wouldn't matter, anyhow, for she had laid down the law tohim, and he would never let me have another dollar. 

"Well, " I asked, "won't you give me money enough to get out of town?"

"No, sir; if five cents would take you to California, you should walk itbefore I'd give you that amount. "

I then asked if she didn't think I was getting in rather close quarters?

"Well, " she exclaimed, "you have always been determined to 'hus'le, ' sonow keep 'hus'ling. '"

I then called on an old friend whom I had been owing for several years, and after explaining my circumstances, borrowed three dollars, withwhich I repaired to a drug store and procured a stock of ingredients andbottles required for my Furniture and Piano Polish. 

I then returned home, and after explaining to my mother that it wouldtake till the next day to prepare it, asked her if she would care if Istaid at her house one more night. 

She laughed, and said she guessed she could stand it that long. 

I then said:

"By gracious, you will have to give me money enough to get to the nexttown, for I won't dare commence peddling polish where I am acquainted. "

"Indeed I'll not give you a penny, even though you have to commence atour next-door neighbor's, " she answered. 

The next day, when my bottles were filled ready for a start, Idiscovered that I had no valise. 

My mother said I could have that old carpet-bag that I took to New Yorkwhen I was a boy, and which had been expressed back to me with my oldclothes. I told her I thought it would be about what I needed, but ifshe had the slightest idea she could sell it, or would ever need it tomake me a visit in the far west when I got rich, that I might possiblyget along without it. 

She said I could rest assured that she wasn't quite so hard up as to beobliged to sell it, and if she had to wait for me to get rich beforeusing it, she probably would never have occasion to do so. 

I then visited the garret, where my mother said I would find the oldbag. 

As I entered the dark, gloomy place, my vision encountered innumerablerelics of my past life, in the shape of toys, books, papers, skatescart-wheels, pieces of hobby-horses, and remnants of garments made by mymother and worn by me years before. 

I thought of the days gone by, and the many pleasant hours I had spentat the old farm house. While I was occupied with play and enjoyment, mymother busying herself with family cares, and endeavoring to draw fromme my ideas of the business or profession I would adopt when I reachedmanhood. 

There flitted through my mind the many kind things she had said and donefor me, in trying to gratify my desires and boyish whims. I was remindedthat although she had often opposed me in my ideas of "hus'ling, " andwas at that very time refusing to aid me, she had always been a devotedmother, with a kind and forgiving disposition, and had never ceased toshow her anxiety for my welfare. 

I realized that there must be a reason, best known to herself, forwithholding aid from me at this time. 

I then began rummaging about for the old carpet-bag, which I foundhanging in a remote corner, amongst cobwebs and bunches of balm andsage. As I gazed on the companion of my first railroad trip, thereflashed through my mind, with lightning-like rapidity, the three weeksof joys and sorrows we had shared together while in New York. The manyups and downs I had experienced since that time, forced themselves uponmy memory, while _it_ had been silently resting and apparently awaitingmy return to accompany me on another search for fortune. 

Among other things I saw hanging there was a half-worn-out, dried-upbunch of blue-beech switches. 

How many times had they tickled my young hide for a breach of homediscipline!

I took them in my hand, and as I gazed upon those silent reminders ofthe past, I said triumphantly:

"You clung to me like a brother. Your reign is over. Your day is past, while mine is just dawning. Farewell; I cherish you not. No fondmemories cling around my recollections of you. The lessons youendeavored to convey were no doubt good, but, alas! they fell on barrensoil. Farewell, farewell. "

And heaving a heavy sigh, I hung them on the nail, picked up mycarpet-bag, and descended from the garret. 

After packing the old carpet-bag with bottles, I announced my readinessfor the grand start. My mother commenced crying, and asked if I didn'tthink I'd better take a lunch along, in case of necessity. I said Iguessed not, as she might be robbing herself to give me so much all atone time. 

I bade her good bye, and I when I had gotten to the front gate shecalled me back, and said if I would hitch one of the horses to thecarriage she would take me to Green Creek bridge, five miles out, whereI could begin operations among strangers. 

This me pleased me immensely, and I lost no time in carrying out hersuggestion. 

She drove west on the pike to the bridge, when I announced my readinessand anxiety to commence business, as it was then four o'clock and I mustmake a raise of a few shillings for expenses for the night. 

I shall never forget the expression of solicitude and determinationshown in her face as she bade me good bye, and turned to leave me; and Ihave since congratulated her for the firm, decisive stand she took. Ihave often related this incident as one of the best things that everhappened to me. 

As soon as she started homeward I took the other direction. 

I was mad; and the more I thought of her treatment of me the madder Igot, and the more I 'hus'led. '

At the first house I called, the old lady said she hadn't any money, butwould tell my fortune for a bottle of polish. 

"Well, great Heavens!" I yelled, "go ahead, you never can tell myfortune at a better time. "

She shuffled the cards, and said I'd never do manual labor, and I wasgoing to be rich. I would have two wives, and no telling how manychildren. I had had a great many ups and downs, and would have somemore; but would eventually settle down. I asked if I would ever be hung. She said, "No, sir. "

During the interview she learned from me of my father's dying before Iwas born. That, she said, was always a sure sign of good fortune, and abright future was always in store for a child born under suchcircumstances. 

I finally asked her if she could tell where I was going to stay thatnight. She said she couldn't, but would wager that I wouldn't sleep in afreight car, nor go without my supper. 

I gave her a bottle of polish, and made another start, calling at thenext house just as the family were about to take supper. 

I rushed in, set my carpet-bag down, and laying off my hat, said in ajocular manner:

"By gracious, I'm just in time, for once. "

[Illustration: "BY GRACIOUS, I'M JUST IN TIME, FOR ONCE. "]

"Yes, you are, " said the gentleman, as he was about to take his seat atthe table. "Take that seat right over there, " pointing to the oppositeside of the table. 

I thanked him and accepted his kind invitation. After supper I showedthem my preparation, which pleased them much. 

His wife asked the price. I told her fifty cents, and said:

"I want to allow you half that amount for my supper, therefore you willowe me but twenty-five cents. "

She paid me, and I started on, much elated with my success, andconvinced that the old fortune-teller knew her business, as the supperpart had already come true. 

I called at every house until too dark to operate, making a sale atnearly every one. 

I walked on to Fremont, reaching there in time for the seven-thirtytrain bound west. 

After buying a ticket for Lindsay, I had three dollars and fifty centsin cash, and plenty of stock on hand. 

I remained there over night, and am almost certain there wasn't ahousekeeper in that burgh who didn't get a bottle of my polish the nextday. 

After finishing the town, I learned that the westbound train was not duefor an hour. As life was short, business brisk and time valuable, Istarted out on foot, walking to the next town, (meeting with fairsuccess), where I took the train for Adrian, Michigan, arriving therethe next day. A very impressive fact, to me, connected with thisparticular trip, was my traveling over five miles of road, peddlingfurniture polish at twenty-five and fifty cents per bottle, that a fewweeks before I had driven over with the horse and buggy, and severalhundred dollars in my pocket, during our patent-right experience. 

Before leaving the subject of Patent Rights, I want to say a few wordsfor the benefit of those who may be inclined to speculate in them. Although the selling of territory or State and County rights may beconsidered legitimate, it is by no means a suitable business for areputable person to follow. The deeding of territory in a Patent Rightis about equivalent to giving a deed to so much blue sky. At least, thepurchaser usually realizes as much from the former as he would from thelatter. 

Those who invest in Patent Rights invariably do so at a time when theirimagination is aroused to a point where all is sunshine and brightness. 

But as soon as their ardor cools off their energies become dormant, andby the time they are ready to commence business they are as unfit to doso as they were visionary in making the purchase. 

An invention of merit will never be sold by County or State rights. There are any number of capitalists ready and willing to invest in themanufacture of an invention of practical use. In such cases anyterritory would be considered too valuable to dispose of. 

Hence it should be borne in mind that, as a rule, to invest in specifiedterritory is to purchase an absolutely worthless invention. 

The man who consummates the sale will seldom have the satisfaction ofrealizing that he has given value received. 

And without giving value received, under all circumstances, (whether inPatent Rights or any other business), no man need look for or expectsuccess. 

As experience is a dear teacher, let the inexperienced take heed fromone _who knows_, and give all business of this character a wide berth. 

Upon reaching Adrian, I discarded the carpet-bag and bought a smallvalise, with which I at once began business; and that night preparedmore stock for the next day. 

I commenced by taking the most aristocratic portion of the city, canvassing every street and number systematically, with good success. 

One day, after I had succeeded in making enough money to buy a babycarriage, which I forwarded to my wife, and had a few dollars left, Iwas arrested for selling from house to house without a license. Iexplained to the officer that I hadn't the slightest idea that I wasobliged to have one. He said I must go before the city magistrate, anddemanded that I should accompany him, which I did. 

The _old wolf_ lectured me as if I had been a regular boodler, and thenimposed a fine which exceeded the amount in my possession by about threedollars. 

I asked what the penalty would be if I didn't pay. 

He said I would have to go to jail. 

"Well, " said I, "I haven't money enough to pay my fine, and guess youmight as well lock me up for the whole thing as a part of it. "

In answer to the query "how much cash I had, " I laid it all on his desk;and as he counted and raked it in, he said:

"Very well, I will suspend your sentence. "

I then asked if I could have the privilege of selling the balance of theday, so as to take in money enough to get out of town with. 

He said I could. 

I invoiced my stock in trade and found I had just thirteen bottles ofpolish on hand, and immediately went to work. 

The second house at which I called was a new and unfinished one, and Iwas obliged to enter from the back way. I found three or four verypolite and pleasant ladies, to whom I showed my polish, --withouteffecting a sale, however. 

When ready to leave the house I noticed three doors in a row, exactlyalike. I was certain that the middle one was the one through which I hadentered. Accordingly, facing the ladies and politely thanking them fortheir kind attention, and when just about saying good-bye, I opened thedoor and stepped back to close it after me, when I heard one of theladies scream at the top of her voice. 

It was too late. 

I had disappeared--gone out of sight--where, I didn't know. But Irealized when I struck that I had alighted full weight on my valise offurniture polish. It was total darkness, and I heard voices saying:

"What a pity! What a shame! Do send for some one. "

Then the outside cellar door opened, letting in daylight as well as alittle light on the situation. 

The lady of the house had quickly come to my rescue by this entrance. 

She hastily explained that the house was unfinished, and that they hadnot yet put stairs in their cellar-way, from the inside. 

I thanked her for the kind information, but reminded her that it wasunnecessary to explain, as I fully comprehended the situation. 

I then picked up a shovel standing by, and after digging a deep hole inthe very spot where I had struck in a sitting posture, I emptied thebroken bottles and polish into it. After covering it up, and shaping androunding the top dirt like a grave, I said to the ladies, as they stoodby watching the proceedings:

"Not dead, but busted. Here lie the remains of my last fortune. If youwish to erect a monument to the memory of this particular incident youhave my consent to do so. Good day, ladies, good day. "

With my empty valise I then returned to Mr. Hart's drug store, where Ihad previously bought my stock, and at once ordered a small lot put up, to be ready the next morning. 

From there I went to the hotel, and in conversation with a scholarlylooking gentleman, learned that he was a lawyer. I told him of myarrest, and the reasons assigned for it, when he informed me that notown in the United States had any legal right to exact a license from meif I manufactured my own goods. 

I then decided to remain there as long as I could do well. The lawyersaid if I would do so he would defend me gratuitously if I were molestedagain. 

I thanked him, and said:

"My dear sir, it is very kind of you to offer your services should Ineed them--very kind indeed; and as one good turn deserves another, suppose you loan me two dollars to pay the druggist for my stock intrade?"

"Certainly, sir, certainly. Glad to do so, " he answered, as he handed mea two-dollar bill. 

He then asked me to "take something. "

"No, thank you; I never drink. "

"Well, take a cigar won't you?"

"I never smoke, either, " I answered. 

"The devil you don't! Well, this certainly isn't your first experiencein business, is it?" was his next query. 

"Hardly; but why should a man drink or smoke just because he may havebeen in business for some time?"

"True enough, " said he, "and had I always let drink alone I could havebeen a rich man; and I'll never take another drop. "

"I hope you won't, " I replied. 

He then stepped forward, and taking me by the hand, said:

"Young man, I can't remember of ever before asking a man to drink withme who abruptly refused; and I consider yours an exceptionally rarecase, considering that I had just done you a favor, and would hardlyexpect you to refuse. Now, sir, although you are a much younger man thanI am, your conduct in this particular instance will do me a world ofgood; and although you are not worth a single dollar to-day, if you willalways refrain from drinking, keep your head level and attend tobusiness, you will be a rich man some day. Now, remember what I tellyou. "

I told him if I met with the same success in the future as in the past, I felt certain of the need of a level head to manage my business. 

He assured me that no matter what the past had been, --the more rocky ithad been, the smoother the future would be. 

I worked in Adrian about two weeks, meeting with splendid success, whichof course enabled me to return the two dollars to my newly-made friend. From there I went to Hillsdale, and at a drug store kept by French &Son, I bought the ingredients for the manufacture of my polish. 

It was my custom to take down the names of every housekeeper whopatronized me, and read them to the next person I called upon. 

When I started out in the morning, on my first day's work, Mr. French'sson laughed at me, and said he guessed I wouldn't sell much of my dopein that town. 

On returning to the store at noon he inquired with considerableinterest how business was. 

I reported the sale of over a dozen bottles, --small ones at fifty centsand large ones at one dollar. He seemed to doubt my word, and asked tosee my list of names. I read them to him, and as we came to the name ofMrs. French he threw up both hands and said:

"I'll bet you never sold her a bottle. Why, she is my mother!"

"No matter if she is your grandmother; I sold her one of the dollarbottles. "

He cried out:

"Great Heavens! father, come here and see what this man has done. He hassold mother a four-ounce bottle of dope for a dollar, that he buys fromus by the gallon!"

Mr. French, Sr. Said he guessed there must be some mistake about that. Iassured him it was true. 

Then the young man suddenly exclaimed:

"See here, I wish you would go to my house and see if you can sell mywife a bottle. She always prides herself on getting rid of agents. "

"Well, I wonder if your mother doesn't think she can 'fire them out'pretty well, too?" inquired the father. 

"Yes, but I'll bet he can't sell to my wife, " ejaculated the young man. 

"Tell me where you live. "

He pointed out the house, and said he would not go to dinner till Ireported. 

I made the call, and returned in about thirty minutes with two dollarsof his wife's money. She had taken one bottle for herself and one forher mother-in-law, Mrs. French. 

This greatly pleased both the young man and his father; and the lattersaid it was worth ten times the price to them, as they would now have acase to present to their wives that would ever after cure them ofpatronizing agents. 

I assured them that their wives had actually purchased an articlesuperior to anything they could produce. They said it didn't matter--ithad all come from their store, if they didn't know how to make it. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XIX. 

MY CO-PARTNERSHIP WITH A CLAIRVOYANT DOCTOR--OUR LIVELY TRIP FROMYPSILANTI TO PONTIAC, MICHIGAN--POOR SUCCESS--THE DOCTOR AND HIS IRISHPATIENT--MY PRESCRIPTION FOR THE DEAF WOMAN--COLLAPSED, AND IN DEBT FORBOARD. 

I remained at this town about a fortnight, when I received a letter froman old acquaintance then in Toledo, Ohio, but who had formerly practicedmedicine in Bronson, Michigan. 

He urged me to join him at once, to take an interest in the mostgigantic scheme ever conceived. 

The Doctor was a veritable Colonel Sellers. 

His hair and moustache were snowy white. 

He wore a pair of gold spectacles, and carried a gold-headed cane; andaltogether, was quite a distinguished-looking individual. 

He was of a nervous temperament--quick in action and speech; and wouldswear like a pirate, and spin around like a jumping-jack when agitatedin the least. 

I took the first train for Toledo, and was soon ushered into theDoctor's private room at the hotel. Without any preliminaries he said tome:

"Well sir, Johnston, I'm a Clairvoyant--a Clairvoyant, sir. By laying myhands on the table, in this manner, I can tell a lady just how old sheis, how long she has been married, how many children she has, and if sheis ailing I can tell just what her complaint is, and how long she hasbeen sick, and all about her. "

"Can't you tell as much about a man as you can about a woman?"

"Well, ---- it, I s'pose I can, all but the children part of it. "

He wanted me to act as his agent, and I should have half the profits. 

We decided to go through Michigan. I wrote up a circular, and sent anotice to a couple of towns to be printed in their local papers. 

The Doctor said he would pay all expenses till we got started;consequently I sent what money I had to my wife. 

We visited several towns, meeting with no success and constantly runningbehind--principally on account of the Doctor's lack of proficiency as aClairvoyant. 

I was anxious to return to my furniture polish, but the Doctor wouldhave nothing of the kind. He declared himself a gentleman of too muchrefinement and dignity to allow a man in his company to descend topeddling from house to house. 

I concluded to stay with him till his money gave out. 

At Ypsilanti our business, as usual, was a total failure. The Doctorsaid he knew of a town where we would be sure to meet with the grandestsuccess. The name of the town was Pontiac. 

I at once sent notices to the papers there, and some circulars to thelandlord of one of the hotels, announcing the early arrival of thecelebrated Clairvoyant physician, Doctor ----. 

The Doctor was so very sanguine of success in this particular town, thatwe built our hopes on making a small fortune in a very short time. Consequently we talked about it a great deal. 

Whenever it became necessary to speak of Pontiac, I found it almostimpossible to remember the name; but the name Pocahontas wouldinvariably come to my mind in its stead. 

This caused me so much annoyance that I proposed to the doctor that wecall it thus. This he agreed to, and thereafter Pontiac was dead to us, and Pocahontas arose from its ashes. We very soon became so accustomedto the change as to be unable to think of the right name when necessaryto do so. 

When we were ready to leave Ypsilanti we walked to the depot, not, ofcourse, because it expensive to ride, but just for exercise, "you know. "

On our way, the Doctor happened to think that we must leave orders atthe post office to have our mail forwarded. 

I accompanied him there. He stepped up to the delivery window and said:

"My name is Doctor ----. If any mail comes for me here, please forward itto Pocahontas. "

"Pocahontas?" the clerk queried. 

"Yes sir, Pocahontas, Michigan. "

"I guess you're mistaken, Doctor, --at least I----"

"Not by a dang sight! I guess I know where I am going, " was the Doctor'sanswer. 

I began laughing, and started to leave, when the Doctor saw his blunderand said, excitedly:

"No, no! My mistake; my mistake, Mr. Clerk. I mean--I mean--dangit!--Dod blast it! what do I mean?--Where am I going? Where the devilis it? Why you know, don't you? Dang it! where is it? Johnston, youdevilish fool! come and tell this man the name of that cussed town. Whyit's Poca--no, no; here, Johnston, I knew you would make consummatefools of us. I knew it all the time. "

By this time several people had gathered about, and were interestedlisteners, while the clerk gazed through the window with a look ofsympathy for the man he no doubt thought insane. 

I couldn't, to save me, think of the right name, and immediately startedtowards the depot, leaving the Doctor to settle the mail matter. 

Directly he came tearing down the street, up to where I stood. 

I was laughing immoderately at his blunder. He threw down his oldvalise, and said:

"You are a ---- smart man, you are! Just see what a cussed fool you madeof yourself and----"

"Well, " I interrupted, "never mind me, Doctor, how did it happen thatyou didn't make a fool of _yourself_?"

"I did; I did, sir, until I explained what an infernal fool you were. "

"Did you finally think of the right name?"

"Think of it? No! Of course I didn't think of it, you idiot. I have noidea of ever getting it right again. "

We had to go to Detroit, and there change cars for our destination. Onour way there the Doctor took matters very seriously, and said I wasjust one of that kind that was always doing something to make aneverlasting fool of myself and every one else. 

When we arrived at Detroit he handed me the money for our fare. 

We walked to the ticket office, and I laid down the money and said: "Twotickets to Pocahontas. "

"Poca--what?" said the agent, "Where in the deuce is that?"

I turned to the Doctor and said:

"Great Heavens! Where are we going? Tell me the name. "

"Oh, you cussed fool, you ought to be dumped into the Detroit River! Seewhat you have done!"

At this he began to prance around, tearing backwards and forwards andswearing at the top of his voice, calling me all manner of names, and atlast said to the agent:

"We are both infernal fools, and don't know where we _are_ going; but noone is to blame but that idiot over there, " pointing to me. 

I then said to the people gathered around, looking on with a mixture ofsurprise and curiosity:

"Gentlemen, we are on our way to some town with an Indian name. "

One man suggested Ypsilanti. 

"Oh, Ypsilanti!" the Doctor shrieked. "That's where we came from. "

Another said Pontiac. 

"There, there, that's it!" the Doctor cried. "Now buy your tickets, andlet's go aboard the train before we get locked up!"

I secured the tickets, making sure that they read PONTIAC, and weboarded the train. 

The Doctor took a seat by himself, and while sitting there, looked at meover his spectacles, with his plug hat on the back of his head, and hischin resting on his cane. He continued to make the atmosphere blue, in aquiet way, and repeatedly referred to the fact that we must certainlyhave appeared like two very brilliant traveling men. 

I was beginning to feel that I had caused considerable trouble andhumiliation. 

Suddenly the Doctor jumped to his feet, and starting from the car on arun, cried out:

"Good ----! I haven't re-checked my trunk. "

I ran after him. He made a bee line for the baggage room, and rushing upto the counter, threw down his check and yelled:

"For ----'s sake, hurry up and re-check my trunk before the trainleaves. "

"Where to?" asked the baggage-man. 

"To Pocahontas!" screamed the Doctor. 

"Poca-the-devil!" said the agent. 

Then began a genuine circus. Neither of us could think of the rightname, and the train was to leave in less than three minutes. 

The Doctor began to hop up and down, swearing like a trooper, swinginghis cane and looking at me, and cried out at the very top of his voice:

"Tell the man where we're going, you idiotic fool! You're to blame, andyou ought to have your infernal neck broken. Why don't you tell the man?Tell him--tell him, you idiot! Great ----! if that train leaves us, I'll----"

The threat was interrupted by the baggage-man putting his head throughthe window and saying:

"There's an Insane Asylum being built at Pontiac. Perhaps that'swhere--"

"That's the place--that's where we want to go. Check 'er, check 'er, check 'er quick!" the Doctor yelled. Then turning to me said:

"There! you infernal fool, now I hope you feel satisfied, " and in a lowtone said:

"Look at this crowd of people you have attracted here. "

"Well, what's the difference? They'll think I am taking you to theInsane Asylum, so that lets us out. "

"The devil they will! They'll think it's you that's crazy. Didn't I tellthem you were a fool?"

The trunk was put on none too soon, and the Doctor continued to abuse meto his heart's content during nearly the whole distance. 

I was too much pleased to do anything but laugh; and what made it moreridiculous to me, was that the Doctor could see nothing funny about it, and never cracked a smile. He kept harping on the undignified positionit had placed him in. I remained quiet, and let him cuss, till at lasthe quieted down. A few moments later the conductor passed through thecar, and the Doctor, looking up over his spectacles, said:

"Conductor, aren't we almost to Pocahantas?"

"Almost where?"

"I mean--I mean, well dang it! never mind, never mind, " he stammered. 

At this, he jumped to his feet, starting for the front car, turned andlooked at me, and while shaking his cane, yelled as he passed out:

"Laugh! you infernal fool, laugh!" And the door slammed. 

On arriving at Pontiac, just as the train was stopping I looked into thefront car and saw the Doctor rising from his seat. I opened the door, and changing the tone of my voice, sang out, "POCAHONTAS!" and dodgedback into the car and took my seat. 

The Doctor came out onto the platform, and looking in, saw me sittingthere, apparently asleep. 

He opened the door and said:

"Come on, Johnston; we are at Poca--come on--come on, you dang fool;don't you know where we are?"

I jumped to my feet and went out sleepily, rubbing my eyes, and told himI was glad he woke me up. 

"Yes, I should think you would be; but I was a fool that I didn't letyou stay there. The devil knows where you would have landed. "

I suggested that I might have brought up at Pocahontas. 

"Great Heavens! don't mention that name to me again. "

After registering at the hotel and settling in a room we begandiscussing our prospects. But in a few minutes the Doctor said:

"Johnston, we have simply raised the devil. "

"How so?"

"Why, do you know, the whole dang Railroad company have got to callingthis town Pocahontas!"

"I guess not. "

"But, by the Eternal Gods! I know it is so. When our train stopped atthe depot, the brake-man opened the door and yelled, 'Pocahontas!' atthe top of his voice. "

"O, thunder! Doctor; you have been so excited all night that youcouldn't tell what he called. "

"I couldn't?" he thundered out. "Don't you s'pose I could tell thedifference between Pocahontas and--and--well, Johnston, you cussed fool, I'll never be able to call this infernal town by its right name again. Iam going to retire. "

We remained at that hotel but one day, not being able to makesatisfactory rates, besides being dunned for our board in advance. 

We then called on an elderly widow lady who was running a fourth-classhotel. She seemed favorably impressed with the Doctor, which fact madeus feel quite comfortable, for the time being. 

I "hus'led" out with a lot of hand-bills, which I scattered over thetown, and returned to the hotel to await results. 

The first afternoon there came a middle-aged Irish woman to consult thedoctor while in a Clairvoyant state. He seated her opposite himself, puthis hands on the table, looked wise, and began:

"Madam you have been married several years, and have three children. Youare forty-six years of age, have been afflicted several years, and havea cancer in the stomach. It will cost you twenty dollars for medicineenough to last you----"

"To last me a life-time, I s'pose, " she cried out, and continued:"Docther, me dear old man, you're an old jackass! a hombug, a hypocriteand an imposcher! Sure, I niver had a married husband, and a divil of achoild am I the mither of. I am liss than thirty-foive, and a healthier, more robust picture of humanity niver stood before your domm miserablegaze! The cancer in me stomick is no more nor _liss_ than a pain in meleft shoulder, which any domn fool of a docther wud know was therheumatics. To the divil wid yer domned impostorousness and highfalutinhombuggery! Good day, Docther, darlint; good day. May the diviltransmogrify you into a less pretentious individual, wid more brains anda domm sight less impecuniosity!"

[Illustration: GOOD DAY, DOCTHER, DARLINT! GOOD DAY. --PAGE 293. ]

Our landlady had converted the up-stairs sitting room into a receptionroom and private office for the Doctor, by drawing a heavy curtain as apartition. It was my duty to remain in the reception half of the room toentertain the callers, while the Doctor was occupied in the consultationhalf, with the patient. Therefore I had a grand opportunity to witnessthe scene with our Celtic patient, by peeking between the curtains. 

The Doctor was fairly paralyzed, and had a ghastly, sickening expressionof countenance during the interview. 

He made no attempt to speak further. 

As she passed out and slammed the door behind her, I opened the curtainsand cried out:

"CHANGE CARS FOR POCAHONTAS!"

The Doctor began to rave and plunge and swear by note. 

He said I had no better sense than to try to make a curiosity of him, and I would make a ---- sight better blower for a side-show thantraveling agent for a celebrated physician; and that if I had the pluckof a sick kitten, I would have thrown that old Irish woman out, ratherthan sit there and snicker at her tirade and abuse of him. 

In a few minutes a lady of German extraction called. The Doctor was inno very fit condition of mind to go into a state of Clairvoyance. 

With the excuse that business was too pressing to take time to do so, heasked the lady to explain her affliction. In broken English she said:

"Obber you don't kan do vat you vas advertisement, I go. "

"Well, dang it, sit down, then, " growled the Doctor; and placing a chairfor her, came to the partition and said to me, in an undertone:

"Now, you blamed fool, if you can't be dignified you had better leave. "

"All right, Doctor; but you may need me to throw her out, so I'll stay. "

He rejoined his patient and went through with his usual mysteriousperformances, and said;

"Madam, you are of German descent. "

"Yah, yah, das ish so, " she answered. 

"Your weight is about two hundred pounds, " was his next venture. 

"Yah, yah; das ish so too, " she replied. "How you vas know all demtings?"

"You are not married----"

"Vas?" she began, almost terror-stricken. 

"---- long, " he interposed. 

"Oh, you mean not married long time, Doctor? Das ist schust right. "

"You are twenty-two years of age, and the mother of one child, " he nextventured. 

"How you vas know all dot?" she asked, excitedly. 

"You can be cured, madam; but it will take some little time to do it, and you must take my medicine exactly as I direct you. "

"How mooch costen?"

"Twenty dollars for the first lot of medicine, and when that is goneI'll see you again. "

She then said:

"Vel, Doctor, I youst got ten dollar. You take dot, und I pay you deundter ten last week. "

"Not much, " said the Doctor, firmly. "Twenty dollars or nothing. "

I then looked in, and calling him to me, whispered:

"Great Heavens! don't let her leave with that ten dollars. Take it; takeit quick!"

"Well, but the fool wants to pay the balance last week instead of nextweek. "

"But suppose she never pays? You haven't even told her what hercomplaint is yet; and it's worth ten dollars to get out of that. "

"Thunderation! haven't I told her that yet?" he asked, in greatexcitement. 

I assured him in the negative. He immediately returned to the patientand said:

"Well, I guess I'll let you pay me the ten dollars. "

"But, Doctor, " she ejaculated; "you no tell me yet where am I sick. "

"Indeed I did tell you, and I'll not tell you again unless you pay me. "

"Nix, Doctor; I pays no monish till I knows where am I sick, " and sheabruptly left the room. 

Then ensued another stormy scene. The Doctor said if I hadn't called himto me and commenced whispering around, he would have got her twentydollars, sure. 

"But you had better take half and trust for the other half than to getnothing at all, " I remonstrated. 

"Yes, " said the Doctor, still unconvinced, "and it wouldn't be but a fewdays till everybody would be owing us; and we never could collect acent. "

I saw the utter uselessness and foolishness of an argument with him, andsaid no more and let him swear it out. 

Among other ills that the Doctor claimed to be an expert at treating, was deafness, and we so advertised. 

In a day or two an old lady called while the Professor was out. 

She asked if I were the Doctor, and turned her left ear to catch myreply. 

I answered in a professional manner: "Madam, you are deaf. "

"Well, you are right, Doctor, so I am; and I thought I would run in andsee if you could help me. "

I stepped to the Doctor's instrument case, and picking up some sort of aweapon, returned to the old lady, and stretching first one ear open andthen the other, after making sure that she always turned her left ear tome to hear, I said:

"Madam, the drum of your right ear is almost entirely destroyed, and Iam certain there is no help for it; but I can surely help your leftear. "

[Illustration: MADAM, THE DRUM OF YOUR RIGHT EAR IS ALMOST ENTIRELYDESTROYED. --PAGE 297. ]

"Well, Doctor, I think you know your business, for I certainly canscarcely hear with my right ear. How much will it cost?"

"Ten dollars. "

"Well, I don't want to pay out so much now, as I have already been to somuch expense with it. "

"Well, you pay me five dollars, and owe me the balance, to be paid oncondition that I help you. "

She agreed to this, and handed me that amount. I was at a loss to knowwhat to give her, and in a constant fear that the Doctor would make hisappearance and spoil it all. 

I excused myself, and stepping back to the "laboratory, " began searchingfor something. At last I happened to think of a French moustache wax Ihad in one of my pockets, with which to train my young and strugglingmoustache. I quickly brought forth the box, soaked the paper label, andafter removing it, smoothed the top of the pomade nicely over, wrappedit in paper, and gave it to her with directions for use; and invited herto call again and let me know how she got along. (As I recall thisexperience, my only cause for self-congratulation is, that what I gaveher would do her no harm, if it did no good. )

She had no sooner made her exit than the Doctor "bobbed up serenely. " Iexplained to him how I had manipulated things, and showed him my fivedollars. 

He began to rip and tear and swear, and declared he would dissolvepartnership with me. 

He said I would ruin his reputation, and get us both in jail. 

I said: "Well, Doctor, I of course wouldn't want either of yourpatients, the Irish or Dutch woman, to hear of this, but----"

"Never mind, never mind about my patients. You take care of your own, and I'll do the same. "

"Oh, thunder! all that ails you is that you are jealous because I amdoing more business than you are. "

"Holy Moses!" he quickly replied, flying into another rage, "you thinknow, you know more than all the profession, don't you?"

"Well, I feel that I have something to be proud of. We have been outnearly three weeks, and I have taken the only money that we havereceived. "

He then wanted to know if I didn't expect to turn the five dollars intothe business. I told him I did, but thought it a good idea for us toget out some special circulars advertising myself, and see if wecouldn't raise a few dollars. 

This was too much for the Doctor, and he went off "like shot out of agun. " He declared me a perfect ass. I said further:

"But, Doctor, I think I am superior to you in one respect. "

"In what?"

"Well, I have more brains than impecuniosity, anyhow. "

This was the signal for another stampede. 

We remained there several days, and finally became completely stranded. 

The Doctor worried, fretted, stormed, fumed, and declared I was to blamefor the whole cussed thing. 

I then, began to talk about going out "hus'ling" again. 

"Oh, yes; it's well enough for you to talk. You can 'hus'le, ' but whatcan I do? I'd look nice running around peddling your cussed old dope, wouldn't I?"

I remarked that I thought he would do well among the Dutch and Irish, ifhe didn't use too much impecuniosity, and would learn to take theirmoney when they offered it. 

He said I hadn't the sense of a young gosling, and if I didn't quittwitting him of those things, he would pack up and leave, if he had towalk out of town. I said to him:

"Well, Doctor, if you do start out on foot, I'd advise you to take a fewbottles of my Incomprehensible Compound, double-distilled furniture andpiano lustre. "

He gazed at me over his spectacles with a sickly smile, then jumping tohis feet, began his customary tirade, and pranced back and forth like acaged animal. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XX. 

ENGAGED TO MANAGE THE HOTEL--THE DOCTOR MY STAR BOARDER--DISCHARGING ALLTHE HELP--HIRING THEM OVER AGAIN--THE DOCTOR AS TABLE WAITER--THELANDLADY AND THE DOCTOR COLLIDE--THE ARRIVAL OF TWO HUS'LERS--HOW IMANAGED THEM--THE LANDLADY GOES VISITING--I RE-MODELED THE HOUSE--MYCHAMBERMAID ELOPES--HIRING A DUTCHMAN TO TAKE HER PLACE--DUTCHY INDISGUISE--I FOOLED THE DOCTOR--DUTCHY AND THE IRISH SHOEMAKER. 

We held frequent consultations, and discussed the situation with afeeling that our prospects were not the brightest. I again ventured tosuggest that I ought to get out and "hus'le, " as winter would soon beupon us, and my family would need money. 

This threw him into a frenzy at once, and he reminded me that to leavehim there in that predicament would be a violation of faith and truebusiness principles. He seemed determined that we should live or dietogether. 

One day I said to him:

"Doctor, the old landlady ought to have some one to manage her business, and----"

"Well, " he quickly answered, "I'd make a devilish fine appearance tryingto run this dizzy old house, wouldn't I?"

"No, but why couldn't I run it, and you be my 'star' boarder?"

"Well, that'll do, that'll do; that's different, quite different. "

"You know, Doctor, " said I, "we are in debt for board, and whatever weundertake must be done with much care and precision. Now, you go to theold landlady and tell her I am a practical hotel man, and the mosttrustworthy, energetic, economical and pushing sort of fellow you everknew; and that she ought to hire me to take full charge of the house. "

This idea pleased him mightily, and he said he believed he could fix it, and would try. 

"Yes, I believe you can, if it can be done, for I know the old lady is alittle bit gone on you, any how. I remember of seeing you and her in theup-stairs hall, the other day, talking in a way that showed prettyplainly how things stand. "

"Well there!" he screamed, "that's the latest. Now you'll havesomething else to harp on, you young scapegrace, and without theslightest foundation for it. Do you think I am a fool? Do you think I'drecommend you to that old lady, when you are on the verge ofscandalizing both her and myself? Not much--not much, sir; and I'll sueyou for slander if you ever hint such a thing; and I'll get judgment, too, and----"

"Yes, " I interrupted, "and I suppose you would attach my dozen bottlesof Incomprehensible Compound to satisfy the judgment. "

I then convinced him that I was only joking. Shortly afterwards hecalled on the old lady, and did as I requested. 

She called me into the sitting-room and asked how I thought I would liketo take charge of her house. 

I told her I would take the position provided I could have full chargeof everything, the same as if I owned the house. 

She said that was just what she would like, and inquired what salary Iwanted. I told her one hundred dollars per month, and board for family. She offered me seventy-five, and agreed to sign papers. 

I accepted, and the next morning took possession. 

My first move was to call the help all together and promptly dischargethem. The old lady came running down stairs, as soon as she heard ofthis, and demanded an explanation. 

I reminded her that I was landlord, and that if she would retire to herroom and remain there quietly, all would come out right. The Doctor saidI knew less about running a hotel than I did about medicine, or I neverwould have done such a trick as that. 

I waited till the discharged help were ready to leave, and had called atthe office for their pay, when I began a compromise, and succeeded inhiring all over again except two dining-room girls, at less than theirregular wages. But I promised an increase to those who took an interestand worked for an advancement. 

The Doctor was elated with the prospects, and fairly danced withdelight. 

"And now, Johnston, for some of those cream biscuit you have told usabout. Now you have a chance to see how it is yourself, to be landlord. "

The second day of my experience, we had about forty extra come todinner--men in attendance at a Convention. I was short of help in thedining room, and also short of prepared victuals. 

I immediately visited the Doctor in his apartment, explained thesituation, and asked why he couldn't come into the dining room and helpwait on table. He protested against it, but I gave him to understandthat it was a case of absolute necessity. 

He swore a few oaths, and said it showed how much sense I had, todischarge my help the first thing. 

As an incentive for him to act, I ventured the remark that the landladywas going to help, and would like him to do so if he could. 

"Is she going to help? Well, then, all right. I'll help you out this onetime, but never again. "

I took him to the dining room, and after he took his coat off, put alarge white apron on him and gave him a few instructions. We had fivekinds of meat, and I posted him thoroughly as to what he should say tothe guests. 

Directly I called dinner, and the tables were soon filled. 

The Doctor watched from the kitchen for the cue from me to make a start. When I gave it he entered in his shirt-sleeves, with the large apronon, carrying an immense tray in one hand and his gold-headed cane in theother, and had forgotten to take his plug hat off. It was setting on theback of his head, and his appearance was grotesque in the extreme. 

He gave me a look of disgust as he marched in, and faltered for amoment, as though not quite certain where to commence. Then he madeanother start, and stepping up to the nearest man, rested the tray onthe back of his chair, and stood partially leaning on his cane; andlooking over his glasses, said:

"Roast beef, roast mutton, roast--well, roast mutton, roast meat, roast-- ---- it! we have twenty-one different kinds of meat. What'll youhave?"

By this time I had been forced to leave the room for laughter, returningas soon as I could command myself. The Doctor was up to his ears inbusiness. Perspiring profusely, and much excited, he still hung to hiscane and plug hat. He was absolutely the most comical sight I had everwitnessed. 

When I met the Doctor at the kitchen door, with the tray piled up withseveral orders, he took time to say:

"---- it! I thought you said the landlady was going to help. "

For fear he would quit, I ran to the stair-way and called her. She camedown, and I explained as quickly as possible, and she said she wouldhelp; and putting on an apron, began work immediately. 

We had Lima beans for dinner, and being a little short on them, wereobliged to dish them out in small quantities. The Doctor served one manwho, with one swoop, took into his mouth all he had, in one spoonful, and immediately handed his dish back to the Doctor, saying:

"Here, waiter, bring me another bean!"

[Illustration: HERE, WAITER, BRING ME ANOTHER BEAN. --PAGE 312. ]

The Doctor struck a dramatic attitude, and glared over hisspectacles--one hand clasped the middle of his cane, and his plug hatpoised side-wise on the back of his head, and he shouted excitedly:

"Sir, I want you to understand _we_ know _how_ many beans there was inthat dish. Besides, I'm--I'm--I'm no ---- table waiter, and I demandthat you address me differently. In short, I demand satisfaction foryour cussed insolence, sir!"

Every man in the dining room dropped his knife and fork and looked on inastonishment. The gentleman addressed by the Doctor apologized to hisentire satisfaction, and matters went on smoothly until just as theDoctor was making for the dining room with a tray full for twonewcomers. The landlady, with a tray full of dirty dishes, met him atthe kitchen door. She had attempted to pass back through the wrongpassage-way, and a general collision was the result. The Doctor hadgotten just far enough along so that every dish on his tray wentcrashing on the dining-room floor, and a cup of hot tea went into thetop of one shoe. Before he fairly realized whom he had collided with, hebroke out with a volley of oaths sufficient to turn the old lady's hairwhite in a few seconds. 

I hastened to the rescue, and instantly reminded him of the awful factthat he was cussing the landlady. He lost no time in apologizingpolitely, and assured her that he alone was to blame for the mishap. 

The man who had been forced to make an apology to the Doctor a fewmoments before, was immensely pleased, and when about to leave thetable, cried out:

"Professor, had you counted those beans before you dropped the dishes?"

The Doctor then said he guessed the rush was over now, and he wouldleave it for us to finish; after which he repaired to his room, andafter making his toilet preparatory to eating dinner, sent for me andrequested that I arrange with the landlady to dine with him, which ofcourse I did, and also promised him that I would have my favorite creambiscuit for tea that night. 

Matters went on very nicely, with the exception of experiencingconsiderable trouble in getting good chambermaids and table-waiters. TheDoctor declared point blank that he would never, under anycircumstances, wait on table again; so I saw the necessity of securingsuitable help at once. 

A few days later, two young men came to the hotel, registered, and beganhus'ling around in a manner that reminded me of my late patent-rightpartner and myself in Indiana. 

I spotted them at once and began taking notes on their manners. We hadhad cream biscuit for supper twice; and as all were unanimous inpronouncing them very fine, I had given orders to have them again on theday of the arrival of my two hus'lers. I gave my opinion of them to theDoctor, and remarked that they would have to settle in advance before Iwould give them a room. 

He reminded me that I should not forget how convenient I had found itto be confided in by the different landlords, and that I should not betoo rough on them. I fully agreed with him; but I had experienced thetruth of the fact that only a small percentage of men were ever able topay such bills, after getting behind, even though they had a dispositionto do so. Consequently, I determined to commence right, and try and keepright. 

That night, while the Doctor and several others were in the office, andwhile I was behind the counter, one of the young men came in from uptown, having just visited the barber shop; and with his silk hatslightly tipped to one side of his head, and one kid glove on, steppedover near me, and after telling the latest story in his blandest andmost fascinating manner, turned to me and said:

"Landlord, how about cream biscuit for supper? I hear you have----"

He was interrupted right then and there; for laying my hand gently onhis shoulder, I said in a firm voice:

"_You_ have got to pay in advance, sir. "

"What's up?" he asked, excitedly. 

"There is nothing up, sir, " I answered, "but you have got to settleright off. The cream biscuit racket don't go, with me. Pay up, or youcan't stay. "

He said he would pay up till the next day, which he did, and then wentin to supper. 

[Illustration: THE DOCTOR A "STAR" BOARDER. ]

During this interview the Doctor had commenced to laugh, and almostdanced the Highland Fling in his gleeful excitement, and attempt toleave the room. As soon as the door had closed on the young man, hereturned, and laughed and hopped around in his characteristic manner, and said:

"Why the cussed fool might have known that he couldn't have said a thingon earth that would have put you onto him as quick as to flatter thecream biscuit. "

In less than three minutes the other hus'ler came in, and rushed up tothe wash-stand to make his toilet. The Doctor looked at him over hisspecs, with a broad grin on his countenance. 

After washing and combing his hair, he told a funny story, and said:

"Put us down for a good room, landlord. You have a nice hotel, landlord. It's everything in knowing how to run a house. "

He then placed his hands behind him and backed up to the stove. 

I glanced over towards the Doctor, who by this time was in the farthercorner of the office, with one hand over his mouth, and the otherholding his hat and cane; and one foot in the air, ready to make a breakfor out of doors. 

I answered the young man by saying:

"Yes, sir, it's everything in knowing how to run a hotel; and you havegot to pay in advance if you stay here. "

"Well, I am surprised, landlord; but I supposed you were a good enoughjudge of character to know the difference between a gentleman and a deadbeat. "

I assured him that I didn't doubt his honesty, but I was willing towager that he hadn't money enough to pay one week in advance. And as ittook money to keep things running and----

"And buy cream biscuit, " shouted the Doctor, ----

---- I had got to have my pay in advance. 

He then acknowledged that he was a little short, but would probably beable to pay the next day. I told him he could have his supper, lodgingand breakfast, but nothing more. 

The next morning they both came to me and owned up that they were"broke. "

I then hired one of them for hostler and the other for clerk. 

About this time I succeeded in getting the landlady's consent tore-model a part of the house. She said she didn't care to be botheredwith it, nor to remain there and listen to the noise; so she would goand visit her friends in Detroit, and leave me to fix things to suitmyself. She said also she had all confidence in me, and felt certain Iwould do even better than she could. 

Before leaving, she instructed me to go ahead and get what I wanted, asher credit was good anywhere. 

By the time had fairly reached the depot to take the train, I hadengaged several carpenters, painters, plasterers, bricklayers, and teamsto do our hauling. 

I very soon had the old hotel in a condition suitable for business, bytearing down old partitions, building up new ones, papering and paintingthoroughly, and adding a lot of new furniture and carpets. 

I had the whole outside of the old shell painted, a portion of which Iordered done in brick-color, and penciled. 

The latter part, the neighbors claimed, fooled the landlady so badly, when she returned a few weeks later, that she didn't know when shearrived home, and kept right on up street, making inquiries and lookingfor her hotel. How much truth there was in this statement I do not know, but I well remember the expression on her countenance when I answeredher query of how much the whole thing would cost, by informing her thatI didn't think it would amount to over fifteen hundred dollars. Iremember how she fell back on the sofa in a sort of swoon, and when sherecovered herself, faltered out that she was ruined forever. 

I very soon convinced her, however, that the improvements had greatlyenhanced the value of her property; and she seemed to appreciate myservices more than ever. 

During her absence of several weeks, the Doctor and I had some veryinteresting times. 

The day after her departure our chambermaid eloped with one of theboarders. I advertised for help immediately, but without success. 

About this time a young Teutonic fellow came along, and asked forsomething to eat. After giving him his dinner, I asked if he waslooking for work. He said he was, and would work mighty cheap. 

I asked if he would like to be a chambermaid, and make up beds, andsweep. He exclaimed:

"Oh, yah, yah; I youst so goot a shampermait as notting else. "

"Well then, Dutchy, I'll give you four dollars per week, provided I canfind a coat and vest for you to wear, as yours is too rough-looking forthat business. "

I then took him up-stairs and made a vigorous search for second-handclothes, but found none. I next entered the room previously occupied bythe late runaway maid, and found three old dresses and a hoop skirt leftby her. I took a dress from the nail, and picking up the hoop skirtsaid:

"Here, Dutchy, put these on. "

[Illustration: DUTCHY AS CHAMBERMAID. --PAGE 321. ]

He shook his head slowly, and indicated to me that he wouldn't do it. Ireminded him that he was in my employ, and must obey me. 

Then he took off his coat and vest, and was about to divest himself ofhis other garments, when I instructed him to leave them on, and told himhow nice the dress would be to keep his comparatively new pants clean. 

After donning the dress, which fitted him well and was quite becomingto him, I borrowed the Doctor's razor, and he shaved himself clean, andparted his fair, bushy hair in the middle; and there, before me, to allappearances was a typical German girl. He entered upon his duties atonce. The Doctor said he guessed we would have no more serious troublewith chambermaid elopements. I told him I wasn't so certain about that, and invited him up-stairs to see Dutchy. 

When we came to the room where I had left him, I said: "Go right in, Doctor; you will find Dutchy there. I'll be back in a minute. "

The Doctor bolted in, and immediately dodged back, and cried out:

"Johnston, there is a woman in there!"

"Oh, thunder! you have lost your head, since the landlady left. "

This was enough; and he opened up on me with several volleys of oaths, and offered to bet me the price of a new hat that there was a woman inthat room making up beds. I took the bet and entered the room, theDoctor following, and immediately crying out:

"There, smarty, there! Guess you will learn to believe what I tell you, once in a while. "

"But I have won, Doctor. "

"Johnston, do you claim now you bet there was a woman in here?"

"No, sir; but I'll bet the price of another hat that I can prove to youthat I have won. "

"All right, sir; I'll take you. "

We shook hands on it, and I said:

"Dutchy, come around here and show the Doctor your pants. "

He did so; and the Doctor didn't know whether to believe his own eyes ornot. I asked when he would buy me the two hats. He said: "Never! I'll be---- if I will be taken in on any confidence game. "

I agreed to let it go, if he would keep still about Dutchy's dress, andfurnish a razor for him to shave with every morning. He promised, and wehad a hearty laugh over the matter. 

The next day, as I was passing through the hall-way, Dutchy came to thedoor of the room where he was working, and said:

"Mr. Johnston, I find a pair of pants here youst exactly like mine. "

I stepped in, and sure enough, there hung a pair in the Irishshoemaker's room, the exact counterpart of Dutchy's. 

I explained to Dutchy that we would have a little fun with theIrishman, and told him to wait for instructions from me before heattempted to play his part. 

I then took the pants down to the office, and let the Doctor into thesecret. 

The next Saturday the Irishman came rushing down stairs in greatexcitement, and reported the loss of his pants. I said:

"Well, Irish, if you don't find them, I'll go with you to pick outanother pair. "

"But, be the Howly Moses! will yez pay for thim?"

I told him I'd see that he paid for them. He threatened to leave, butthe Doctor helped to quiet him down. 

I then found Dutchy and told him to try and call at the Irishman's roomthe next day when he was in, and manage in some way to raise his dress, so that the Irishman would get a glimpse of his pants. He assured me hewould fix that all right. 

On Sunday morning, about ten o'clock, Irish came rushing down stairs onthe jump, rushed up to me, and said:

"Be the Howly St. Crispin and Moses in the bulrushes! May the divil flyaway wid me if I haven't found moy pants!"

"Good! Good! Where were they?"

"Howly Moses! come wid me to wan side. I'll tell yez on the quiet. "

"Never mind about the quiet, Irish. Sing out; tell everybody. "

"Oh, be jabers! ye'd laste expect to find thim where I seed thim. "

"Well, tell us. "

"Yes, tell us, " said the Doctor. 

"Well, " he hesitatingly said, "be the howly shmoke, the ould chambermaidhas thim on, as sure as I'm a loive Irishman!"

"Oh, nonsense!" I replied. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, to comedown here in the presence of these men and try to injure the characterof that poor chambermaid. "

"By the great horned spoon! but she has the pants on, and Oi'll havethim, charackther or no charackther, Misther Landlord!"

"Well, now, see here, Irish, I'll bet the cigars for the crowd, that shehasn't got your pants on. "

"All right, sir, all right, sir; I'll take that bet. "

While we were shaking hands on the bet, the Doctor took a bundle fromunder the counter containing the pants and ran up to the Irishman'sroom, and hung them up. 

We then went up-stairs, accompanied by several bystanders, and afterreaching the Irishman's room, I called to the chambermaid to come in. 

Irish stood waiting for me to introduce the subject to the maid, and Iwaited for him. I then turned to him and said:

"Well, Irish, prove your case. "

"Well, be jabers! d'ye s'pose I am going to insult this lady? Not by adang sight, pants or no pants. "

I turned to Dutchy and said:

"Have you got Irish's pants on?"

"Nix; I youst got my own pants. "

"Well, come around here, Dutchy, and show Irish your pants. "

Obeying my order, the dress was raised, exposing the pants to view. 

Irish straightened himself up, and in a very triumphant manner, said:

"Well, there, Misther Landlord, I giss yez are quite well satisfied. I'll take the cigars, and the pay for thim pants, if yez plaise. "

I turned round and said:

"Whose pants are these hanging here, Irish? Did you have two pairalike?"

He looked at them and said:

"Be gobs! she took thim off while me back was turned. "

I then offered to bet him the cigars that she didn't. 

He said he'd bet no more, but he knew there was some chicanery, or domhy-pocritical prognostication, somewhere. 

I then asked the chambermaid to raise the dress again, which was done, and Irish left the room disgusted, and muttering a few oaths to himself. Afterwards he paid the cigars for the crowd. 

He then asked if I wud explain what the divil right any chambermaid hadto wear pants, anyhow. 

I answered that it was none of my business, and I hoped I was too muchof a gentleman to meddle with other people's private affairs. 

This last assertion offended him very much, and he quickly gave me tounderstand that he was as much of a gintleman as I was and niver failedto moind his own business. 

I told him that might be, but it was very strange to me how he shouldmake such singular discoveries. 

He then made a full explanation, and I overlooked it all. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXI. 

THE DOCTOR SWINDLED--HOW WE GOT EVEN--DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND--THE DOCTORPEDDLING STOVE-PIPE BRACKETS--HIS FIRST CUSTOMER--HIS MISHAP ANDDEMORALIZED CONDITION--THE DOCTOR AND MYSELF INVITED TO A COUNTRYDANCE--HE THE CENTER OF ATTRACTION--THE DOCTOR IN LOVE WITH A CROSS-EYEDGIRL--ENGAGED TO TAKE HER HOME--HIS PLAN FRUSTRATED--HE GETS EVEN WITHME--WE CONCLUDE TO DIET HIM--THE LANDLADY RETURNS--DOES NOT KNOW THEHOUSE. 

One day while I was up-town, marketing, the Doctor traded his oldEnglish gold watch and chain to a professional horse-trader, for anotherwatch with all modern improvements. Immediately on my return he calledme up-stairs, and said:

"Johnston, I have made enough on a single trade to pay me a good month'ssalary. " And handing me the watch, said: "Look and see what an elegantthing it is. It cost the infernal fool three hundred and fifty dollars, and I got it even-up for my old-fashioned gold watch and chain. "

I asked him what he valued his old watch and chain at. He said the chainwould bring sixty dollars for old gold, and he didn't know what value toput on the watch. After examining it, I said:

"Well, Doctor, you made a big hit. "

"Well, that's what I think, " he shouted, as he hopped about in his usualfrisky manner. 

I again remarked:

"Yes sir, you did well. I once traded a horse and watch for a twinbrother to this very watch, and mighty soon discovered that the auctionprice on them was three dollars and fifty cents each!"

He then flew into a rage, and cussed me and my judgment. I prevailed onhim to accompany me to a jeweler, who placed the retail price at fivedollars, and said it was a brass watch. 

The Doctor declared he would have the fellow arrested; but I urged thatthe best way was to keep still, and not even let him know that he wassick of his bargain. He agreed to this, provided I would help him to geteven with him in some way. 

I promised I would. 

The horse-trader didn't come near the hotel for a few days, and notuntil the Doctor had met him and treated him very nicely, thus entirelydisarming him of suspicion. 

One day a circus came to town, and with it a street-salesman carrying astock of the very cheapest jewelry manufactured. He was unable toprocure a license, and made no sales there. I bought from himtwenty-five cents' worth of his goods. The Doctor took about half of mypurchase, and wrapping them in tissue paper, put them carefully in hisvalise; and we awaited the arrival of our friend Sam, the horse-trader. 

One evening we saw him hitching his horse outside, and made ready forhim by beginning a very heated discussion concerning a deal we had beenhaving in jewelry. As he entered we were in the hottest of it. TheDoctor abused me, and I accused him of not living up to his agreement, and peremptorily demanded one hundred and sixty dollars in cash, or thereturn of the jewelry. 

The Doctor said he couldn't pay the money under ten days, and refusedto return the jewelry. Then I declared there would be a fight, unless hedid one thing or the other on the spot. The Doctor then said he wouldn'tdisgrace himself by fighting, if he had to turn all the jewelry over tome, and got his valise at once and produced it, and my original bill tohim. Sam stepped forward to examine it as I was taking a carefulinventory to make sure it was all there. 

I then casually remarked that I was going to see a certain man the nextday, and trade it for a horse and buggy. Sam said:

"I'll trade you a nice horse and buggy for it. "

"Where is your rig?" I asked. 

"Outside here. "

I stepped out, and after looking the horse and wagon over, said:

"I think that whole rig is worth one hundred and fifty dollars, and I'lltrade for ten dollars boot. "

Sam said he would look the jewelry over again, which he did. He thenoffered to trade even. 

I refused to do that, but told him I would trade, if he would let mekeep two of the rings. He offered to let me keep one ring. The tradehung for a few moments, and at last, seeing his determination, weconsummated the trade and I drove the outfit to the barn. 

The Doctor didn't sleep a wink that night, and the next morning wantedme to sell out at once, and divide the money. 

But, seeing a chance to tantalize him, I said:

"Doctor, who do you want me to divide with?"

"With me, " he shouted. "Whom do you suppose?"

"Well, thunderation! Doctor; it was my property we traded off. Whyshould I give you half the profits?"

"Great Heavens!" he screamed. "Think of it! One shilling's worth ofproperty!"

Then he sizzled around for awhile, and said I was worse than Sam, thehorse-shark; because Sam didn't practice beating his friends, and I did, according to that deal. 

I offered the harness to the Doctor as his share of the deal. Herefused, and abused me roundly, till I took him in as full partner onthe whole thing. 

The next day Sam came in the hotel, and handing me one of the rings thathad turned perfectly black, asked me if that was one I traded him. Itold him it looked like it in shape, but not in color. He asked if Ihad any more like it, but assured me that he was no squealer, and wouldnever "kick" if I had traded him brass jewelry for his farm, only hesimply wanted to know how badly he had been "done up. " I showed him whatI had, and gave them to him. He said he would take better care of thatlot than he did the first, and would try and get even in some way. 

A day or two later he came in, and asked what I had to trade. I told himI had a note of one hundred and forty-two dollars, past due, against ayoung man in Battle Creek, Michigan, which I had traded patent rightsfor, and I would trade it for a horse. He looked it over, and said hewould think of it. A few days later he came in again and asked how Iwould trade the note for his horse standing outside. After looking theanimal over, I offered to trade for twenty-five dollars. He said hewould trade even, and a few minutes later we made the deal, and I tookthe animal to the stable. 

The Doctor was more pleased over this trade than I was, and so much sothat I began to think he expected a half interest in it, and asked himif he did. 

He said he did not; but it pleased him to see me get the best of Sam, the horse-shark. 

About ten days later, as the Doctor and I were going into the postoffice together, we met Sam just as he had opened a letter from BattleCreek, containing a draft for the full amount of the note with interest, all amounting to something near one hundred and fifty dollars. Sam saidhe had written to a banker there before he traded for the note, andascertained it was all right. 

The Doctor turned ghastly pale, and I came near fainting. To think thatI had traded such a note for an old plug of a horse was sickening, especially when considering our circumstances. 

One day a gentleman stopped at the hotel selling wire stove-pipebrackets. They were so constructed as to fasten around the pipe of thecook-stove, and make a very convenient shelf to set the cooking utensilson. 

The Doctor took a particular liking to the man selling them, and lost noopportunity to speak a good word for the invention. One day he venturedthe assertion that he could sell six dozen a day to the housekeepers ofthat town. I suggested that he start out at once. 

He was insulted, and said he was in other business. I said a poorexcuse was better than none and offered to wager the price of a new hatthat he couldn't sell one in a week. He then offered to bet the cigarsfor the crowd that he could sell one to his washerwoman. 

"Yes, " I replied, "I suppose she would be glad to take cats and dogs forwhat you owe her. "

That settled it, and he raked me right and left. He said I needn't judgehim from my shirtless experience at Fort Wayne (which I had related tohim), and that he always paid his wash bill. He then reminded me thatonly for him and his money a few weeks before, I would have gone withoutlaundered shirts many a day. 

"Yes, " said I, "and only for me where would you be eating now?"

"Great ----!" he ejaculated. "You cussed, impudent Arab! Who got you thisjob?"

"You did, " I replied; "but only for your beautiful figure and winningways catching the eye of the land----"

"Shut up! shut up!" he yelled. "Don't you open your infernal headagain. "

Then I apologized, and said:

"Well, Doctor, you have satisfied me that you don't owe yourwasherwoman, so I'll take the bet you offered to make. And, " I added, "I'll bet another cigar she won't let you in the house unless you have abundle of washing along, and show her that you have a legitimate rightto call on her. "

This exasperated him again, and made him more determined than ever toshow us what he could do. 

He selected a bracket, and started for the washerwoman, who liveddirectly back of the hotel, on another street. It fifteen minutes totwelve o'clock when he started. 

About noon one of the kitchen girls came running to the office, andcalled me to come quick to the back door. I hastened, and to myastonishment found the Doctor, under the greatest excitement. Nospectacles on, his hat gone, a large piece torn from his fineswallow-tailed coat, and to all appearances he had just emerged from thesewer. 

"Great Heavens! Doctor; what is up?" I asked. 

"Don't say a word! don't say a word!" he cried. "Get me to my room, quick, before any one sees me. "

"Where is your hat?" I asked. 

"Over to the washerwoman's, " he gasped. 

"And your cane--what has become----"

"Great Heavens! sure enough, " he interrupted. "I forgot that. It's onher table. And my spectacles--the Lord knows where they are! But get meout of this, quick; and hurry over there and fix it. "

"Fix what?" I asked. "What did she say, Doctor?"

"Good! all I heard her say was: 'What will my poor Mike do for hisdinner?' and then she--never mind what she said, but hurry up. "

I then said to him:

"Doctor, you go right through the dining room and on up-stairs to yourroom, and I'll go over and see if I can find what there is left of you. "

He asked if there were no back stairs. I said yes, but they were verydark. I then led him to the back stair-way, and offered to accompany himto his room. But he said I should hurry over there and fix things. So, after explaining to him the back-stair route to his room, I was about toclose the door on him, when he placed his hand on his head and said:

"My! just feel of this bunch. And I guess my hat is ruined, Hurry overand see about it, quick. "

I closed the stair-way door and started across the back yard. When notmore than six or eight rods away, I heard a noise at the house thatstartled me. One of the girls came running out, and screamed for me tocome back, quick. 

By the time I arrived there they had succeeded in hauling the Doctor outfrom the entrance to the stair-way, and he was completely deluged withslops. 

He began swearing and cursing the chambermaid, and cursed me for hiringa Dutchman to do the work. 

He then explained that after getting about two-thirds up the stairs, hehad concluded to give it up and go the front way; and while descendinghe had come on the opposite side from that which he had ascended, andhad stepped on a bucket filled with slops; and as a result he had landedat the very bottom of the stairs, with the contents all over him. 

"Well, Doctor, " said I, leading him to his room, "you are the mosthorrible-looking sight I ever beheld. It will be terrible, if thelandlady comes home on the noon train. "

"Good ----!" he faltered, "do you expect her home on this train? Here, let me go alone. You hurry over there. ---- that lazy Dutchman! Whydidn't he empty the slops?"

I then made a fresh start for the Doctor's washerwoman. On the way Ifound his spectacles in a ditch, which had no water in, but plenty ofmud. He had gotten out of the regular path, and in his excitement hadwaded into the ditch. 

Upon reaching the house, I found the old lady under a high pressure ofexasperation and excitement. When I asked if Doctor ---- had been there, "Howly Moses!" she shrieked, "I shud think he _had_ been here, wid hisdommed old stove-pipe demolisher. Be jabbers! he got a good whack overthe head wid me mop-stick to pay for his flabbergasted stubbornness. AndI think he'll have to sell more nor wan of thim pesky wire flumadoodlesbefore he can replace the ould plug hat, which yez'll foind layin' theerin the wud-box. "

I asked for an explanation. 

She showed me how the Doctor had come in without any authority, andinsisted on putting "wan of thim dom things on her stove-poipe. " Afterfastening it on and explaining its purpose, he asked her to set herkettle of boiled dinner on, and see how stout and strong it was. Thisshe refused to do, not believing it to be safe. 

But the Doctor, "wid his dom jackass stubbornness, " as she termed it, had forcibly taken the kettle from her hands and lifted it to thebracket. 

No sooner was it done than the whole thing, bracket, stove-pipe, andkettle of dinner went crashing to the floor; and without furtherceremony she grabbed the nearest weapon to her, which happened to be themop-stick, and assailed the intruder. She first struck his hat, knockingit off and bruising it badly, and next gave him a good whack over thehead. 

I asked how he tore his coat. She said, as he passed out on the jump hiscoat caught on a nail, but it didn't lessen his speed one bit. 

I returned to the hotel with the Doctor's hat, cane, spectacles, and thewire bracket, which the irate woman declared she wouldn't givehouse-room to. 

The Doctor was in quite a critical condition. His head was badlyswollen, several bruises were on his body from the fall down stairs, anda high fever had set in, compelling him to take to his bed. 

His first question, when I entered his room, was: "What did she say?"and the second was: "Did the landlady come on the train?"

I answered both, and gave him all the aid and consolation in my power. Among other things, I promised if he ever recovered we would have hisfavorite pie and coffee every meal for two weeks. This pleased himgreatly, for his appetite for apple pie and Java coffee was seldom ifever satisfied. 

He recovered in a few days, and said he was glad the landlady didn'treturn in the midst of that fracas. 

A few days later he came rushing into the hotel from up town, and said:

"I just met an old friend and former patron, who used to live in thesouthern part of the State. He now lives five miles from here, and theyare going to have a dance at his house next Friday night. He wants me tocome out, and bring you with me, as I told him all about you, and whosedaughter you married. He has always known John Higgins, yourfather-in-law. I told him we would be there, so you must makecalculations to go. "

"All right, Doctor; we'll drive our horse out. "

"That's what we'll do, that's what we'll do, " he laughingly remarked. 

If there was any one thing the Doctor prided himself in more thananother, it was his gracefulness in "tripping the light fantastic toe. "

He talked of nothing else from that time till Friday, and made morepreparations for the occasion than the average person would for his ownwedding. 

When the hostler drove our rig to the front door, the Doctor with hishighly polished boots, his heavy-checked skin-tight pants (then theheight of fashion), his swallow-tailed coat--renovated and mended forthe occasion, his low-cut vest, and his immaculate shirt-front with alarge flaming red neck-tie, his face cleanly shaven, his ivory-whitemoustache waxed and twisted, his gold-headed cane and gold spectacles, and lastly, his newly ironed hat--standing there, as described, hecertainly made a very striking appearance. 

On our way out he became very impatient to make faster time, anddeclared that we got cheated when we traded the jewelry for such aninfernal horse, and wanted to sell his half to me. I told him I wouldbuy him out if he would take his pay in board. He became excited atonce, and said he would be an idiot to do that, as it was just the sameas understood that I was to board him, if I got the hotel to run. 

"But suppose I should remain here for five years, " said I, "what then?"

"What then?" he quickly ejaculated, "why then I suppose you'd find mehere to the end of that time. I started out with you, and I intend tostay with you. "

We were royally received at the farmer's residence, and the Doctor atonce became the center of attraction for those already assembled, andcontinued so during the evening. He told his latest stories, and I toldone occasionally, bringing in "Pocahontas, " "Stove-pipe bracket, " "Irishpatient, " "Brass watches, " etc. , etc. , any one of which had the tendencyto keep the Doctor "riled up, " and in constant fear lest I should dwellon facts or go into particulars. 

At last he called me out on the porch, and said:

"Now sir ---- you, I am among aristocratic friends, who have alwayshonored and respected me; and you have come about as near telling someof your cussed miserable stories about me as I want you to to-night. Sonow be guarded, sir. Remember I am among my friends, and not yours; so Iwarn you to be careful. "

I assured him that I meant no reflection on him, and would be guarded. 

Directly the musicians came, and all was ready to begin. The Doctor wasone of the first to lead out, with the hostess for a partner. 

Everything went on smoothly. Hard cider flowed freely, and the Doctorindulged often. The gentlemen all kept their hats on, including theDoctor and myself, as etiquette didn't seem to require their removal. 

More cider, plenty of music and constant dancing, warmed up everybody;and very soon the gentlemen removed their coats, the Doctor and myselffollowing suit. The more we danced, the more we wanted to dance; and theDoctor never missed a single set. 

We were both introduced to the belles of the neighborhood. The Doctorwas a general favorite with them, which fact caused considerablejealousy among not a few of the young gentlemen present. 

Taking in the situation, I took special pains to say to all the boysthat the Doctor was a nice old fellow, and meant no harm. 

Finally, about ten o'clock, the Simon-pure aristocracy appeared on thescene. This was a young lady who had a very handsome face and abeautiful figure. But she was very cross-eyed. In spite of this defectshe was very attractive, and being a graceful dancer, had no lack ofoffers to dance. I received an introduction to her, and soon after, theDoctor was introduced as per his request. 

[Illustration: THE DR. AND HIS CROSS-EYED GIRL. --PAGE 351. ]

He became much infatuated with her, and she didn't seem to dislike himvery much. At any rate, they danced nearly every set together. Whensupper was announced he waited upon her. It so happened that the Doctorsat at the end of the table, she to his left at the side of the table, and I to his right, opposite her. 

The first thing I said was:

"All I care for is pie and coffee. "

The Doctor looked sober and enraged. 

After all were nicely seated, I told one or two old chestnuts, when theDoctor ventured on one of his latest. Then I said:

"Doctor, we are all alike. It simply shows our 'impecuniosity' to sithere and tell stories, when we ought to finish our meal and make roomfor others. "

Nobody laughed, so I told another. It was about an old gentleman goingout to sell stove-pipe brackets. Everybody laughed but the Doctor. Ithen said:

"Doctor, let's hear from you, now. "

He was too full for utterance, and as I very well knew, would have givenconsiderable for a chance to express himself. 

After supper he called me out on the porch and said he just expectedevery minute that I was going to mention his name in connection withthat peddling story, and it was well I didn't. 

"Well, Doctor, I didn't mean you at all. "

"The d----l you didn't! I wonder who you meant, if not me. "

I then said:

"I see you are having a nice time. Nice girl, you have taken a fancy to;but I was introduced to her before you were. "

"Well, it doesn't make any difference about that, " he answered. "Shewill have nothing to do with you. "

"Why not?"

"Because I told her you were a married man, and that settled it. "

"Oh, ho! I see, Doctor. I see you were afraid I would out-shine you, weren't you?"

"Not much, sir; not much. I know what she thinks of me, and just howwell I stand in her estimation. She is a rich man's daugh----". 

"Yes, " I interrupted, "and she will never speak to you, after to-night. "

"She will, unless you tell some of your infernal yarns and connect mewith them; and if you do, I'll--I'll----"

"But, Doctor, " I said, hastily, "what will the landlady say, when shegets home and sees how things are going?"

"Oh, you cussed idiot!" he screamed. "Do you think she has a string tiedto me? What do you s'pose I care for her? Is she any comparison to thisyoung lady?"

"No, I suppose not; but, Doctor, you are fooled in this girl; and I'llbet you didn't tell her about my being married till after supper. "

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, I noticed that she kept looking at me all the time we wereeating. "

"No such a ---- thing. _I_ know she was looking at me. I _know_ she was. And another thing I know----"

"Yes, " I put in, "and another thing _I_ know. "

"What's that?"

"Well, sir, while we were at the table she kept her feet pressingagainst my feet all the time. "

"Oh, you idiot! Those were my feet that were pressing against yours. "

"Then if you knew they were mine, why did you keep pushing yours againstthem all the time?"

Under much excitement he answered:

"Because--because, sir, I--I--I thought I would have a little fun withyou. That's why. "

"Yes; because you thought they were the girl's feet. That's why. "

Then assuming his usual dramatic attitude, and striking his breast withhis clinched fist, he cried out:

"Johnston, if you cast any imputation against the character of thisyoung lady, you will have to answer to me, sir. Now remember what I tellyou. "

"Well, Doctor, you had better go in and resume dancing. You are losinglots of fun. "

"Yes, " he quickly answered. "I know I am; I know I am. This is what _I_get for introducing you into society. "

We then returned to the dancing room, and the Doctor found no difficultyin getting the attention of the cross-eyed belle. 

By this time the boys were jealous, anyway, and would have nothing to dowith her. 

About two o'clock in the morning the Doctor came to me and said:

"Johnston, I am going to take this young lady home. "

"How far does she reside from here?"

"About six miles. "

"Have you ordered a livery team?"

"Not by a dang sight. Why should I? Can't I use our horse and buggy?"

I replied that I thought not. 

"I think I can, I know I can, and I know I will. The half of that rigbelongs to me. I have agreed to take her, and I must do it. "

"Well, I should think you had better be starting, if you are going withour horse, and expect to return before morning. "

"We will not start till the dance breaks up, Mr. Johnston, " was hisdefiant answer. 

"Where am I to stay?" I asked, "What am I going to do while you aretraveling six miles and back, with that old plug of a horse, aftereverybody has gone home?"

"That, sir, is a matter of no concern to me; but that young lady must betaken home by _me to-night_, and no disappointment. "

Then he and the cross-eyed girl took their places for another quadrille. 

By this time I was not in the best of humor myself, and began to feelthat the Doctor was getting the best of me. 

My first thought was to hitch up and drive home, leaving him in thelurch. But while considering the matter, my opportunity came; and I wasnot slow to take advantage of it. 

During the progress of the dance, when "Gents to the right and balance"was called, the Doctor left his cross-eyed partner to make the round ofthe set. I rushed up to her immediately and said as quickly as possible:

"My dear Miss, you must not dance the Doctor so hard. He has fits, andis liable to fall over in one at any moment. Why, in driving along in acarriage he is liable to drop right out in the middle of the road, leaving the horse to go to destruction. "

"Thank you, thank you, " she said. 

I then stepped back to await results. 

While talking with her, I noticed the Doctor eying me with suspicion, but my interview was so very short that he appeared relieved on myleaving her. 

By this time he came balancing around, with his plug hat on the back ofhis head, his spectacles hanging over his nose, and grasping hisgold-headed cane about the center with his left hand, and stillretaining in his right hand a soiled napkin which he had brought fromthe table and mistaken for his handkerchief, he came balancing up to hispartner with a regular Highland-fling step, a most fascinating andbewitching smile on his countenance, and looked her straight in theface. 

She looked completely dumbfounded, seemed to have instantly lostinterest in all worldly affairs, and stood stock still, staringcross-eyed at the Doctor, as if expecting to see him frothing andfoaming at the mouth. 

He then seized her about the waist, fairly lifting her from the floor;after swinging her two or three times around, again stood her up wherehe found her, when he seemed to suddenly comprehend that something waswrong, and instantly changed countenance. 

The young lady then turned to him and said very reluctantly:

"Doctor, I wish to ask you to excuse me from our engagement thisevening. "

Suddenly remembering my interview with her, he said:

"What did that ---- red-headed hyena say to you? What did he say? Whatdid he say? Tell me; tell me, quick! What did he say? I must know--Imust know. "

"Oh, nothing much, Doctor. "

"I demand to know immediately. Tell me--tell me now. "

"Well, Doctor, he says you have fits. "

"Fits? fits? What! _I have fits?_ Gracious Heavens!What--when--how--where is he? Where is the infernal red-headed liar?Bring him to me and let me paralyze him. "

While saying this he was plunging and spinning around in his usualjumping-jack manner, swinging his cane in one hand and slamming his plughat on the floor with the other. 

The floor-manager stepped up and asked what the matter was. The Doctorshrieked out:

"Good ----! do I look like a man who has fits? Would you think, to lookat me, that I ever had fits?"

The floor-manager placed his hands on his shoulders, and said, sympathetically:

"Never mind, Doctor, you are not going to have a fit. Keep cool, Doctor. Keep perfectly quiet. You will soon get over it. Step outside into thecool air, and you will soon get over it. "

"Get over what?" said the exasperated man. "You infernal fool, what areyou talking about? Do you think I don't know enough to take care ofmyself?"

About a second later I stepped into an adjoining room, and there met thecross-eyed girl with her things on ready to leave. She said she didn'tknow how she would get home, as her friends had gone and left her, expecting the Doctor to act as her escort. 

I confessed that I was only joking, and we had better fix it up and letthe Doctor take her home. 

She nearly went into spasms when I suggested it, and said she wouldn'tdare ride a rod with such a man. 

The Doctor's farmer friend, our host, came to me and said I had bettertake the young lady home, and let the Doctor remain with them all night, and he would take him to town the next afternoon. This was satisfactoryto the young miss, so we immediately slipped away, without consultingthe Doctor, or even bidding him good night. 

On our way, I asked her if she would be willing to consent to a meetingwith the Doctor, or open a correspondence with him. She refusedemphatically to do either, despite the fact that I declared the wholething a joke. 

She said his actions at the last were enough to convince her that it wasno joking affair. I was anxious to do something in the Doctor's behalfto atone for the injury to his feelings that I was the cause of, but thematter had gone too far. 

I certainly had every reason to regret that things had turned out asthey had, for the seventeen miles of travel in taking the girl home andreturning to town proved too much for the old nag, and I did not reachmy hotel until after nine o'clock that morning. I was at a loss to knowhow to fix things with the Doctor so as to make matters smooth, and havehim cherish no hard feelings. 

I had decided that my moustache was a failure, and had concluded tohave it cut off. A plan came into my mind by which I felt certain Icould manage to please the Doctor so well as to be able to bring about afeeling of harmony. 

I arranged with my clerk that when we saw the Doctor coming I would leanback in one of the office chairs, apparently asleep, and when he came inthe clerk should pick up a pair of shears from the window-sill andsuggest that he (the Doctor) should clip one side of my moustache off, and let me run around during the evening a laughing-stock to every one. 

It worked to a charm. The Doctor jumped at the chance, and cut one sideclose to my lip, after which I was routed up, and was received by himwith much coolness. 

The clerk had posted every one to say nothing to me; and as I appearedas ridiculous as possible, and everybody laughed heartily, the Doctorfelt that he had perpetrated a huge joke on me. 

He was more than pleased when I happened to glance in the mirror, anddiscovered my predicament, as he was sitting in the office. 

The cross-eyed girl was not referred to for several days; and when I didmention her, the Doctor changed color, and immediately became dejected. Everything moved along smoothly for several days thereafter. 

The Doctor, as before stated, was very fond of pie and coffee, especially apple pie, and generally preferred them the first thingbefore his regular meal, instead of waiting to have them served as adessert. 

Becoming dissatisfied with my dining-room and kitchen help, I haddischarged them and hired an entire new force. When giving theminstructions I gave the dining-room girls a description of the Doctor, and pointed out the seat he usually occupied; and cautioned them inparticular not under any circumstances to give him pie or coffee. 

They seemed curious to know the reason, and I explained that he wascrazy, and the very moment he drank a swallow of coffee or ate amouthful of pie he became raving at once, and would be liable to murderthe whole lot of them; and the doctors had given strict orders never tolet him have either. 

That day we had apple pie for dinner, and I managed to have one of theboarders, who always sat at the same table with the Doctor, get intothe dining room a little ahead of him, and to have some apple pie and acup of coffee by his plate. The Doctor entered as usual, and afterlooking over the table, said:

"Bring me some apple pie and coffee. "

"We have no pie or coffee, Doctor, " was the girl's weak and tremblingreply. 

"Do you claim you have none at all?" was his quick inquiry. 

"None at all, Doctor, " she answered. 

"And haven't you had any for dinner?" was his next question. 

"No, sir, " she replied. 

"The d----l you say! What's that over there?" he asked, pointing to hisneighbor's plate. The girl stammered a moment, and said:

"Doctor, we are instructed not to give you pie or coffee. "

"Who the d----l gave you such instructions?" demanded he. 

"Well, " said she, evidently wishing not to compromise me, "the doctorsays you mustn't have either. "

"Great ----! what doctor said so? Who told you the doctor said so? Whydid he say I should not have pie or coffee?" he shouted. 

"Because he says you are crazy, " she hesitatingly answered. 

"Great Heavens! girl; it's you that's crazy!" and slamming his fist onthe table, and jumping to his feet, he demanded an explanationinstantly. 

The girl ran to the kitchen, and the Doctor after her. The rest fled fortheir lives, screaming at the top of their voices and scattering in alldirections. Some ran into the yard, some up stairs, and the poorfrightened girl who had attempted to take his order took refuge in thecellar, the Doctor after her, yelling at the top of his voice, stilldemanding an explanation. He barricaded the cellar-way by swinging hiscane and banging it against a tin wash-boiler near the entrance, anddeclared that the girl never should see daylight again unless sherevealed the source of her information. 

It was now about one o'clock, and the landlady had arrived on the noontrain; and, after locating her newly painted hotel, came in just in timeto catch us in the heat of the excitement, and the Doctor in the cellarin the midst of his controversy. 

She demanded an explanation, and became very nervous when the cookexcitedly told her that the Doctor had gone raving crazy, and had drivenone of the girls down cellar. 

She asked me why I didn't go down after him. I told her I didn't dareto. 

Directly he came stamping up the stairs, swearing at the top of hisvoice, and said he just expected it was the work of that cussedred-headed d----l. 

As he emerged from the cellar-way, with his wild defiant look and anoath on his lips, and saw the landlady standing in the doorway, helooked the picture of despair. 

He faltered for a moment, during which time there was another generalstampede. I was the first to start on the run, with the old ladyfollowing after, leaving the Doctor by himself. He tried to find someone to listen to him, but the moment he would venture near any one aboutthe house, they would fly away at lightning speed. 

The landlady asked how long he had been so and suggested calling aphysician, or having him sent to an asylum. 

After the matter had gone as far as I thought it should, and fartherthan I had any idea it ever would go, I began to explain that it wasonly a joke. But again the thing had gone too far. My dining-room girlsimmediately quit work, declaring that I couldn't fool them, as they hadseen enough. 

With considerable difficulty I satisfied the landlady that it was only ajoke. 

It then became necessary to satisfy her that the extensive improvementson the house had been a good investment. While up stairs showing her thechanges I had made, I noticed the Doctor's door was opened, and that hewas inside. 

Suddenly we came to a room directly opposite his, which I had hadpapered and re-furnished, and she remarked that it suited her exactly, and that it showed good taste. I said, in a loud tone:

"Well, landlady, the Doctor suggested this, and I have depended largelyon his taste and judgment. "

We then stepped to the Doctor's door, and were invited in. She aided meas much as possible in keeping up a conversation, and complimented theDoctor on his exquisite taste. 

He was immensely pleased, and after she left I remained with him a fewmoments. 

He jumped up and closed the door, and was about to give me atongue-lashing, when I anticipated him by saying:

"Doctor, don't it beat thunder about that girl? Great Heavens! Had Iknown she was just out of the Asylum I never would have hired her. Andisn't it strange that she twits every one else of being crazy? Iwouldn't have her around ten days for the price of the hotel. But youwill not be bothered any more, Doctor, for she is gone. "

He gave me a very searching look, and said:

"Johnston, was it she or I that was considered crazy?"

"Well Doctor, I understand that she was crazy and you followed her downcellar to prevent her from committing suicide. At least that is the waythe matter has been represented to the landlady and me. "

"Well, I understood, " said he seeming much relieved, "that theyconsidered me crazy. "

"O, my! Doctor! the landlady considers you one of the bravest and mostcourageous men she ever saw, to follow a raving maniac down cellar theway you did. "

He said he was really surprised to learn that such was the case, as hehad gotten quite a different idea. 

A few days later my wife and boy arrived, as I had sent for them somedays before. 

The Doctor and I sold off our personal property and things moved on veryharmoniously. 

One day a lady called to consult him professionally and paid him fivedollars in cash. This gave him renewed courage and he declared hisintention of locating there permanently, as he not only believed it tobe a good point, but he was rapidly becoming known and could very soonestablish himself in a lucrative practice. 

The business of the hotel increased, and to the landlady's astonishment, was making money. She could not understand how it had cleared so much, till I explained to her that I had raised the rates from one dollar toone dollar fifty and two dollars per day. She became much frightened anddeclared I would ruin her business. 

I declared it would be run on those terms, or not at all if I run it. She became reconciled, and in a few weeks found a responsible party whopaid her a good rental for the house and furniture, and leased it for aterm of years. 

CHAPTER XXII. 

OUT OF A POSITION--MOVED TO ANN ARBOR--HOW I MADE A RAISE--A RETURN TOFURNITURE POLISH--SELLING EXPERIENCE--HAULING COKE--MY SUMMER CLOTHES INA SNOW-STORM--A GLOOMY CHRISTMAS--AN ATTACK OF BILIOUSFEVER--ESTABLISHING AN ENFORCED CREDIT--THE PHOTOGRAPH I SENT MYMOTHER--ENGAGED AS AN AUCTIONEER AT TOLEDO, OHIO--MY FIRST SALE. 

The leasing of the hotel by the landlady threw me out of a position, andat a time when cold weather had set in, and I had spent all the money Ihad received for the horses, besides the salary I had drawn, in clothingmy wife and boy comfortably. I had intended to provide myself withwinter clothing with my next month's salary, but the change came toosuddenly for me. Consequently I was left with my summer clothes, and adozen bottles of Furniture and Piano Polish as stock in trade. 

As soon as I saw there was going to be a change in the hotel, I wroteto an old lady in Ann Arbor, whose name was given me by a medicalstudent, making inquiries about furnished rooms for light housekeeping. 

She wrote in reply that she could rent me one room suitable for thatpurpose, at one dollar per week. We decided to go there, as we could notprocure furnished rooms in Pontiac for light housekeeping, besides Iconsidered Ann Arbor a good town to operate in. 

I had just money enough to pay our traveling expenses, and explained tomy wife we had better leave on the morning train, which would get usinto Ann Arbor at two o'clock in the afternoon. And as that day would beSaturday, I could "hus'le" out and sell polish enough to pay our rentand buy provisions for over Sunday. 

She agreed with me and we started accordingly. But our train was belatedby a freight train being ditched, so we did not reach our destinationtill six o'clock that night without a single cent in our pockets. 

The night was dark and gloomy and the snow flying, while I hus'ledaround in my low-cut shoes, high-water pants, summer ulster and a strawhat. We walked nearly all over the town, following directions given byfirst one fool and then another, lugging the boy and our baggage, searching for Mrs. Hogan, corner of Second and Ann streets. At last wereached the place and I introduced myself as the one who had engaged aroom of her by letter. After explaining to the old lady that we had justarrived from Pontiac, she looked us over carefully and remarked:

"You didn't walk did you?"

I replied that we had come part of the way on the cars, and then I toldher of our march around town. 

I noticed at once that she was anxious about her rent, as we had takenpossession. So I said to my wife:

"Well I must go out instantly to find those parties, or I wont be ableto see them till Monday. I will be back just as soon as I possibly can, so you must not worry. Mrs. Hogan will you direct me to a wood yard?"

"Never mind the wood Mr. Johnston. It will be impossible to get a loaddelivered to-night. I will let you have enough to last over Sunday. "

We thanked her and she left the room. 

Then my wife said she had often told her parents that she was sure ofthree meals a day as long as I lived, but she guessed I was cornered foronce in my life. 

"But, " said I "if it were only one meal that we were liable to miss itwould not be so terrible, but here it is late Saturday and if I can'traise enough for supper, I certainly can't for over Sunday. But this iswhat the preacher termed a 'wood-chuck case' and something must be doneat once. "

She didn't understand what the wood-chuck case meant, till I told herthat it simply meant we were "out of meat. "

I picked up my little valise, containing twelve bottles of FurniturePolish and started out. I walked down town, not knowing what to do. Thesnow was flying through my straw hat and the wind whistling around me ata terrible rate as I stood on the corner wondering where to go next. Ilooked up street and saw a meat market to which I was naturallyattracted. Although the gentleman in attendance was very busy, I rushedin with:

"How are you this evening sir? I am glad to find you when you have timeto look at my wonderful preparation for renovating furniture, I'll showyou how nicely it operates right here on your desk. "

Then as I began polishing it up, I rattled on at lightning speed, explaining how perfectly dry it would become in less than a minute fromthe time it was applied leaving no chance for dust or dirt to settle andstick upon the furniture it was not in the least sticky or gummy to thefingers giving no displeasure in using a cloth--any lady could apply itand easily renovate her own furniture it would remove all fly specksfrom picture frames and brackets as well as stained furniture caused byhot dishes hot water cologne camphor or medicine and----

"And for goodness sake, what else?" cried he. "Will it make you stoptalking if I'll take a bottle?"

"Yes sir, I always stop then. "

"How much is it a bottle?" he asked. 

"One dollar, and I want but fifty cents in cash and the balance insteak. "

He was about to say he would take it, when he asked who in thunder Iwas, anyhow, and if I had ever patronized him, and stated that he didn'tremember ever seeing me before. 

I now realized that the moment had arrived when to decide the meatquestion. I had got to be equal to the occasion. Looking up at him, Iconfidently said:

"Well, for Heaven's sake! Don't you remember my little red-headedbrother that comes in here after meat every day?"

"Oh, yes, that little hair-lipped cuss, " said he. I laughed, said:

"Well, he isn't a bad sort of a lad, when you get acquainted with him. "

He then cut off four pounds of steak and gave me, with fifty cents cash, and I departed in much better spirits than when I called. I then made abee-line for the nearest grocery store; and although I found theproprietor very busy I managed to get his attention, and after showinghim my preparation on one of his show-cases, succeeded in selling him abottle for one dollar. 

I offered to take it in groceries, but he said he preferred to pay cash, and let me do the same when I patronized him. I invested seventy-fivecents in potatoes, coffee, sugar, etc. , and then started for a bakery, where I came in contact with a lady. She fought me very hard, but Ineeded bread, and worked like a trooper to get it without parting withthe few shillings I had. I at last succeeded in getting her so farinterested as to ask the price. 

Realizing that her intuitive quickness and shrewdness surpassed that ofmy two gentlemen patrons, and that she evinced but little interest, anyhow, I reduced the price to fifty cents, and offered to take half intrade and the balance in cash. This she agreed to, and I very soondeparted with my arms full of provisions, and one dollar in cash. 

I then visited Tremain's drug store, and ordered more Polish put up, tobe ready the following Monday. 

I went directly home, more pleased with my success than anything I hadever before accomplished. Nor can I now remember of ever succeeding inanything since, that gave me more satisfaction. As I entered the room, about nine o'clock, with my arms loaded with packages, my wife sang out:

"Little late, but still in the ring. "

With grim irony I replied: "And the villain still pursued her. "

However, I appreciated the joke as much as she did; and we were but afew moments in preparing a meal that each pronounced the best we hadever partaken of. 

Our landlady looked in upon us again that night, when I handed her thedollar due for rent, saying as I did so, that I might as well pay itthen as to wait till Monday. 

We felt quite comfortable, and congratulated ourselves on our success inpulling through, and making such a narrow escape. 

My wife's faith in the three-meals-a-day theory was strengthened morethan ever after this; and I felt myself that I had come about as nearmissing a meal as I would probably ever again experience. 

When Monday morning came I was ready for business with my nine bottlesof Polish. 

The first house I visited was a large stone front, showing the owner tobe a man of wealth. I noticed the front window blinds were closed, andas it was Monday morning I concluded that the lady of the house wouldlikely be found at the side door, or possibly overseeing in the laundry. The latter I found to be the case, and when I rang the bell she answeredit herself. Upon seeing me with my valise, she slammed the door in myface, and I heard the bolt shove, as though expecting me to attempt tobreak in. 

This exasperated me more than the rebuff, and I could feel my hairstanding straight up almost piercing my straw hat. I started aroundtoward the front of the house, expecting to try the next neighbor. WhenI neared the front steps, I was seized with a determination to eitherget into that house or make the old lady some trouble for her impudence. So I ran up and pulled the bell vigorously several times. Directly Iheard the doors opening and closing and a general rustling about throughthe rooms, when suddenly the front door opened just far enough to admitme and I landed in the hall-way with a single bound. The lady recognizedme and said:

"Here you are again. "

"Yes'm here I am and I am here to convince you that I am nohouse-burglar nor highway robber I am here with a valuable article whichyou can not afford to be without nor can any other housekeeper and wereI to leave without showing it you would always pride yourself on gettingrid of one impostor I must insist on showing you the value of mypreparation which I can do on the hat-tree here in the hall. "

I then began polishing, and kept up a ceaseless run of talk, much to thedisgust of her highness, who insisted that all peddlers and agents weretramps, virtually speaking. I managed however, to do most of the talkingand at last convinced her from its rapid drying qualities that it wasalmost indispensable. I then closed a sale with her, and as she had beenso very courteous and complimentary in her opinion of agents andpeddlers, I let her have two bottles for three dollars. 

The third house I visited was that of a middle-aged gentleman who, afterpurchasing a bottle of my renovator, expressed a desire to become anagent for its sale. I informed him that I was sole proprietor and couldgive him a very good chance. He asked what I would take for WashtenawCounty, Michigan. I saw at once that he was anxious to invest interritory, and as my preparation was not patented, I decided toaccommodate him by letting him have the exclusive sale of it in thatcounty for a reasonable consideration. I proposed to let him have theagency for that county for fifty dollars. The idea pleased him, but hethought the price rather high. He had raised a very fine garden and hada nice lot of vegetables in his cellar, which he showed me with a gooddeal of pride. While looking them over I took a careful inventory ofevery thing and became satisfied that he had enough stowed away for twofamilies, and as soon as we returned from the cellar I began negotiatingfor a portion of each kind. His wife as well as himself was elated withthe prospect of trading some of the products of their garden for a goodpaying business, and in less than an hour I closed a deal, immediatelyordered a team and after loading up with potatoes, beets, turnips, apples, cabbage, etc. , and receiving ten dollars in cash drove home withvegetables enough to last us several weeks. 

I gave the gentleman a written agreement that he could have theexclusive sale for the polish in the said County. After the trade wasmade he asked me where he was going to get the polish, and wanted me togive him the recipe for making it. This I refused to do but explainedthat I could furnish it to him at a certain price per dozen. He thenwanted to know if I had any other agents traveling. I told him I hadnot. 

He then asked if I cared if he sold in other Counties. I answered himthat I did not. 

"Well, " he next asked, "what in Heaven's name have I been paying youfor, any how?"

"Experience, " I answered. 

He became excited, and said he didn't need experience. 

I told him I thought he did, and that I considered the price very lowfor the amount I had let him have. 

After chaffing him a few moments and getting him exceedingly nervous, Igave him the recipe with full instructions in the manner of makingsales. This pleased him, and he began preparations for canvassingoutside of town. 

I then visited a wood-yard with a view to purchasing a load, but foundit would cost about as much for a cord of wood in Ann Arbor as it wouldfor a farm in Dakota. I then inquired of the proprietor how other poordevils managed to keep warm in the town. 

I was told that many of them used coke at ten cents per bushel, procuredat the gas works. 

My landlady informed me that she could furnish us with a stove (in placeof the one we were using) that would burn coke. I consented to allow herto make the exchange, and borrowing a wheel-barrow started for the gasfactory where I bought a bushel. 

When I returned the new stove was ready and I began starting a fire. Ittook about two hours time and the whole bushel of coke to start it, andI was obliged to "hus'le" back after another load forthwith. We weresuccessful in getting a good fire started, but very soon discovered thatit required a full bushel of coke at a time in the fire-box to keep itup, even during moderate weather. 

We were quite well satisfied, however, for several days, or until theextreme cold weather set in, when by being obliged to open the drafts ofour stove to get sufficient heat, we discovered it took about twobushels at a time constantly in the stove to keep it running, and to mydisgust I found at such times that the old stove would burn about abushel a minute. Thus I had the poor satisfaction of seeing my moneyfloat up the chimney at the rate of about ten cents a minute. I didn'teven have the satisfaction of enjoying this expensive luxury, as I wascompelled to divide my time between hauling coke with the oldwheel-barrow and "hus'ling" out with the polish to raise money to payfor it and our provisions. However I was not a continual sufferer fromcold, although still wearing my summer clothes, as this constant"hus'ling" kept me in a sultry condition both mentally and physically. 

Time passed on bringing very little change to my straitenedcircumstances. I was illy prepared to withstand the severity of aMichigan winter. I had no hose except half worn cotton ones, no warmunderwear or over-shoes which I sorely needed in my endless trampingfrom house to house, and no overcoat until February. The only articlesof winter apparel I had were a pair of woolen mittens and a pair of earmufflers, both of which I got from an old lady in exchange for furniturepolish, and which will be seen illustrated in the photograph I sent tomy mother while in this sorry condition. 

It was the night before Christmas, and the contents of my pocket-bookwere meager indeed. Pedestrians were hurrying to and fro, arms andpockets filled with packages to gladden the hearts of the loved ones athome. My naturally buoyant spirits fell to zero as I thought of my wifeand baby boy and realized that I had nothing for them with which to makemerry on the morrow. 

I turned my steps homeward well-nigh disheartened. My sales had beenslow that day owing to the universal purchasing of holiday goods and thescarcity of money left in the family purse. However, I suddenlydetermined to make one more effort, and see what might be my success ineffecting another sale before going home. I therefore called at aspacious stone front mansion, was admitted by the servant and usheredinto the handsomely furnished parlor to await the coming of themistress. 

It was a home of luxury, evidenced by the rich carpets, elegant piecesof furniture, paintings of well-known artists and beautiful bric-a-bracin an expensive cabinet. 

There was no biting chill from Jack Frost in this home. In the shorttime I sat there I wondered if the occupants appreciated the good thingsaround them. How could they, if they had never known hunger and cold anddiscomfort?

These queries kept entering my mind:

"Will such furniture as this ever be mine? Will I ever be the owner of astove as nice as that base-burner? Will carpets as luxurious as theseever belong to me? Will I ever be able to dress comfortably andgenteelly?"

It would be a very difficult matter to describe to the reader mythoughts on that occasion. (I will add that I made a sale. )

In these later years when my income has been sufficient to warrant mein buying any thing I desire for personal comfort, I often think of thecheerless experiences of that winter. And I can truthfully say that myheart goes out to the homeless and destitute, and I am always willing toextend a helping hand to those who show a willingness to helpthemselves. 

That was a long winter, take it all in all; but we managed to get threemeals a day, notwithstanding I had an attack of bilious fever which madematters look very gloomy. 

For several years I had never failed to have one of these attacks in thewinter. 

Realizing what to expect when the usual symptoms--chills--began tooverpower me, I decided at once to make some sort of provision for myfamily. 

I called at a butcher shop, and after ordering twenty pounds ofbeef-steak and getting it in my possession I asked the butcher to chargeit. He said he didn't care to do business in that way. I told him Ididn't care to either but----

"But, " he interrupted "_I_ don't have to do business that way. "

"Well sir, I do. So you see that's the difference between you and me, and as possession is about ten points of law I guess you will do betterand will no doubt get your pay more quickly if you will quietly submitto my proposition. "

I then explained to him my circumstances. 

He asked why I didn't explain in the first place. 

I replied "because I needed the meat. "

Then he asked my name and said he hoped I would be honest with him. 

I next called at a grocery and gave quite an extensive order to bedelivered at our room. 

In about an hour the groceries and a sack of flour were brought to thedoor. I ordered them inside, and then the bill was presented. I foldedit and put it my pocket, saying:

"Just tell Mr. ---- to charge this. "

"All right sir, " the boy replied and drove off. 

In less than twenty minutes the proprietor came rushing down fairlyfrothing at the mouth, and in a high state of exasperation rapped at thedoor, and when admitted asked excitedly what in thunder I meant. 

I coolly explained that we simply meant to try and exist another day ortwo if buckwheat flour and coffee and sugar would keep us alive. 

He said I couldn't live on his flour and coffee. 

I politely informed him that I had no use for his, as I had plenty of myown just then. 

"Well, why in thunder did you come and 'stand me off' in this way if youhad plenty of your own?"

"But my dear sir, I had none of my own before I called on you. "

"The devil you hadn't. And do you claim sir, that you own the thingsjust delivered from my store?"

"Of course I do, but I don't deny that I owe you, and am willing toconfess judgment if you wish me to do so. "

After he had cooled off a little I stated my condition, when he tooasked why I didn't explain in the beginning. 

I answered that I had been on earth too long to take any such chances. 

I had a siege of about ten days' sickness, after which I "hus'led" out, and by extra exertion managed to accumulate money enough to pay up mygrocery and butcher bills. This greatly pleased the proprietors, andproved the means of making them my best friends, and just such as mightcome very convenient to have, in case of absolute necessity. 

During my several months' absence from home my correspondence with mymother had been more limited than usual. I felt that during my entirecareer I had never shown a disposition to loaf or to sponge my living. While I had frequently been assisted, I had kept a strict account ofevery dollar, and had regarded it, in each instance, as a business loan, expecting to pay it back some day; and had never asked for assistanceexcept when I actually needed it. It was impossible at that time for meto understand my mother's policy in abruptly refusing me aid, when Ifelt that she was at least able to assist me a little. 

At any rate, I was immensely "red-headed" all the time, and declaredthat I would fight it out on that line, if I had to wear my summerclothes all winter. I had declared that I would never return home till Iwas comfortably well fixed, or at least in a fair way to prosper. Howwell I kept my word will be seen farther on. 

I remember during that siege, a coal and wood-dealer offered me aposition in his office at fifteen dollars per week, which I declinedwith thanks, explaining that I had started out in life to "hus'le, " andtry and accomplish something of my own accord; and to go to work in astupid, quiet business on a salary, at that late day, would be adisgrace to the profession. He argued that I would be sure of acomfortable living, anyhow. I agreed with him, but declared that I wouldnever be sure of anything beyond that; and I would rather live from handto mouth till such time as I could better my condition and possibly makemoney rapidly. 

I felt that to settle down on a salary in such a business would be themeans of falling into a certain rut, from which it would be hard toextricate myself. And I have thus far never had occasion to regrethaving taken that position. 

About this time I received a letter from my mother anxiously inquiringwhat business I had engaged in after quitting the hotel, and if we wereall comfortably fixed for the winter. 

She closed by saying that as she had no picture of me since I waseighteen years of age she wished I would have my photograph taken andsent to her. 

[Illustration: THE PHOTOGRAPH OF THE SITUATION. --PAGE 388. ]

On reading this letter I remarked to my wife that I would send her alikeness that would make her sick. I replied to her, agreeing to send itas soon as I could have some taken. I also answered her questions asto my business engagements and how we were situated, by saying that Ioccasionally fell back on the furniture polish and did considerablecanvassing with it, but my principal business was hauling coke, and hadbeen all winter; and as for comfort, we had never before experienced anything equal to it. 

After mailing my letter to her I wrote to the landlord at Adrian, whereI had left the old carpet-bag which had been my companion to New York aswell as on my first polish tour, and asked him to get it from the atticof his hotel, and forward to me by express. He did so immediately. 

I then borrowed a long linen duster about three sizes too small for mefrom the "man Friday" employed in the drug store, and repaired to aphotograph gallery. I pulled my suspenders up as much as possible inorder to make my pants ridiculously short. I donned the linen duster andwith tight squeezing managed to button it around me, and turning up thecollar pinned it over with a long black shawl-pin. I put on my strawhat, ear muffs, and heavy woolen mittens, struck as awkward an attitudeas possible with my toes turned in, and with the old carpet-bag in handwas duly photographed. 

While they were being printed I received another letter from my mothercongratulating us on our splendid success in making ourselvescomfortable during such a hard winter, and said we ought to be thankfulthat the Lord had blessed us with so many comforts. But one thing in myletter puzzled them all, and that was, what in the world I meant bysaying that my principal business was hauling coke. They couldn'timagine that I had hired out as a teamster, and if I had, they couldn'tsee how I could work for some one else and sell polish too. She saidwhen she read my letter Mr. Keefer declared that "that boy would keephustling and die with his boots on before he would ever hire out as ateamster or any thing else. " And he wanted her to find out at once whaton earth it meant. I answered in a few days, stating that I had spentthe greater portion of the winter hauling coke a distance of about amile in a wheel-barrow for our own use and that it took about a bushel aminute to keep us comfortable. I enclosed my photograph, saying that Ihad stopped on my way home from canvassing one afternoon and had ittaken just as I appeared on the street. 

I also explained that at the last house where I had stopped they hadset the dog on me and he had torn a piece out of my linen ulster and Ihadn't noticed it till after the picture was taken. 

I received an immediate reply to this letter acknowledging the receiptof the photograph and making a few comments. 

About the first thing she said was that her advice to me would be neverto let another winter catch me in Michigan, but to start South and tryto reach a locality where linen ulsters and straw hats were more adaptedto the climate. 

She said she thought the mittens and ear mufflers were very becoming andher first impulse was to send me a pair of Mr. Keefer's old rubberboots, but on second thought had made up her mind that the tops wouldhardly reach the bottom of my pants and had concluded that the shoes Iwas wearing would be more becoming and much easier to walk in. 

She concluded her remarks by saying she didn't see what objection I hadto burning wood or nice hard coal, instead of hauling coke so far in awheel-barrow; and asked how I liked "hus'ling" by this time. She alsosaid that I had carried the old carpet-bag so long that it bore a strongresemblance to myself; and advised me to hang to it, as it might someday be considered a valuable relic, especially if I should ever get richby "hus'ling, " or become a member of Congress. 

Although I felt that she had shown herself equal to the occasion, byreplying as she did, my answer to this letter was sufficient to let herknow that I asked no favors, and had no intention of doing so. 

As soon as spring opened and moving and house-cleaning became the orderof the day, my business began to improve, and I made money fast. Ibought myself a nice suit of clothes, and other necessary wearingapparel; and I moved my family back to Bronson, where I paid their boardand left them sufficient means to procure clothing and pay incidentalexpenses. 

I went to Toledo, expecting to canvass with my polish, and very sooncalled on an old acquaintance who was telegraphing. While chatting withhim a gentleman came in and wrote a message to be sent to an auctioneerat Cleveland, asking him to come to Toledo and travel with him. Theoperator asked me if I would like to send the message, for a littlepractice. I told him I would, and stepped inside the office to do so. After reading it, I stepped forward and accosted the stranger with:"What kind of an auctioneer do you wish to employ, sir?"

He replied that he was traveling with a large wagon that cost himfifteen hundred dollars, drove four fine horses, employed two musicians, was selling Yankee Notions, and needed a good man who could sell goodson the down-hill plan, or "Dutch Auction, " as some termed it. I told himthat I was an auctioneer, and would engage with him. 

He asked me to step out and take a drink. I said: "Thank you, I don'tcare for anything to drink. "

"Well, come and take a cigar. "

"Thank you. I never smoke, either. "

He asked if there was anything I did to pass the time pleasantly. Isaid:

"Yes, sir. I attend to business, when I have any to attend to. "

He inquired what I was engaged in at the present time. I opened myvalise and showed him, and several others standing by, what I wasselling, and polished up an office desk to show its superior qualities. He asked the price, and on being told, handed me a dollar and took twobottles, after which I sold three more bottles to different gentlemen inthe office. 

The auction man looked at me a moment, and then laughingly inquired ifI could talk as well on Yankee Notions as I could on polish. Then headded that he couldn't understand how any man could make a living withsuch a thing, and foolishly asked if I ever sold any of it. 

I answered his question by asking if I had not sold him two bottles, aswell as three other men in his presence; and asked if he was in thehabit of buying everything he saw, whether he needed it or not. He saidhe bought it because he thought it a valuable article to have in thehouse, and was going to send it to his wife. 

He asked what my price would be per week to work for him. I told him itwas strictly against my principles to work on a salary and would preferto engage on commission even if I didn't make as much money. 

He explained that he usually remained in a town from three days to aweek and sold on the street during the evening and Saturday afternoons. He offered me twenty-five dollars per week and all expenses, or five percent. On all my gross sales and all expenses. I accepted the latter, provided he would not expect me to do anything but sell goods at thetimes specified. This suited him and I started with him that afternoonfor the West. He informed me that the auctioneer he had been employingdrank too much liquor and was in consequence unfit for duty half thetime. I assured him that he would experience no such trouble with me. 

He said that was one reason why he concluded to take me, and confessedthat had I accepted his invitation to take a drink he would never havegiven me the position. 

During our first ten miles' ride I was racking my brain for something tosay when I should jump up to make my first sale. I had never sold adollars' worth of goods of any kind at auction, and the only experienceof a similar nature that I had ever had was the four days' sale of prizesoap. 

However, I valued that four days' experience very highly at thatjuncture as I felt that it was experience, at any rate, and would nodoubt help me in the way of giving me self-confidence. 

Fortunately for me, the first town we stopped at had the license so veryhigh that we could not afford to pay it, and decided to continuewestward and postpone our first sale till the next night. This gave mean opportunity for further study, which I grasped eagerly. 

I slept but little that night, but spent the time in manufacturing aline of talk on the different kinds of goods handled by my employer, andthe preparation of a suitable opening speech. 

At any rate, the next evening when we drove into Blissfield, Michigan, Idetermined that it should be a success, although I dreaded the openingof my first sale. 

After supper we seated our musicians at the rear end of the wagon-boxand started on our parade around town. 

Loud singing and the sweet strains of music routed every body in town. 

[Illustration: MY FIRST AUCTION SALE AT BLISSFIELD MICH. --PAGE 398. ]

I remember one song they used to sing that always took immensely. It wasto the tune of "Marching Through Georgia. " The chorus was:

 "Come out, come out, you hungry wearied souls. Come out, come out, we're here to do you good. We've marched from East to West, and North, and now we're going South, To supply the wants of those way down in Georgia. "

When we drove back to a convenient corner and lighted our immensetorches it seemed to me that the towns-people had turned out _en masse_and gathered around us. 

After one or two more pieces by the musicians my proprietor handed methe keys and directed me to open up. I removed the covers from the topof the goods and then began sorting them over carefully. I then laid offmy coat and again went through the goods. 

Next I threw off my vest and sorted over more goods, till at lastrealizing that the time had come when something must be said, I lookedknowingly over the vast concourse of people and then removed my hat. 

A death-like stillness prevailed. 

The cold perspiration stood out on my forehead in big drops. 

Something about the size of a watermelon appeared to be in my throat. 

I feared the sound of my own voice. My knees were weak, and knockingtogether. 

I looked over my audience the second time, and was about to venture tosay something, when I happened to think that I hadn't taken off my cuffsand collar, and proceeded to do so, when to my horror I heard a youngman in the audience say, in a tone loud enough for all to hear:

"You bet yer life he is fixing to give us the biggest game of talk weever heard. "

It was then I realized that the great preparations I had been making, and the knowing looks I had been giving, had only confirmed theirsupposition that I was certainly capable of doing credit to such acomplete and pretentious turn-out. 

Could I have lassoed and hung that fellow to the nearest tree, I wouldgladly have done so; for it seemed to almost completely demoralize meand unfit me for the occasion. And I would have given ten times theprice of the whole outfit could I have been spirited away forty miles. 

I again discovered myself perspiring more freely than ever. I had fixedthe torches several times, had gone through the entire stock of goodsthree or four times, and had taken off every article of clothing that Idared to, all with the vain hope that something would occur to break thehorrid stillness. Such was not the case, however. The eyes of every onewere centered upon me--those of the proprietor and musicians as well asthe audience. 

When finally ready to begin my speech, I suddenly discovered that Icouldn't recall a single word that I had so carefully prepared for theoccasion. 

At all events the very last moment had arrived when I had got toeither open up and say something, or desert the whole paraphernalia. 

At last I broke out in a low husky voice; and in less than two minutes Iwas rattling away with an introductory speech, which my employerafterwards complimented me on, and said that from it, alone, my sale washalf made before offering a single dollar's worth of goods for sale. 

I continued to use that same speech for years, with an occasional slightvariation, but was never able to improve on it very much. 

I then began my sale, and very soon felt perfectly at home, and made agreat hit, much to the evident satisfaction of my employer, and entirelyso to myself. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXIII. 

A SUCCESSFUL AUCTIONEER--PLAYING A DOUBLE ROLE--ILLUSTRATING AN AUCTIONSALE. 

My success as an auctioneer was assured from the result of my firstsale. I soon learned that it required only hard study and closeapplication to make it a profitable business. 

I did not give up my furniture polish, but as soon as possible bought anextra suit of clothes, a silk hat and a wig with which to change myappearance from a polish-vender to an auctioneer. I would peddle fromhouse to house during the day in a dark suit and Derby hat, with my hairclipped close to my head, while in the evening I would appear on theauction-wagon attired in a flashy, plaid suit, a blonde wig and silkhat. In no instance was my identity ever discovered. 

We used to have a great deal of sport at the hotels, where I invariablyregistered and represented myself as a polish vender, and neverintimated that I was connected with the auction party. 

As soon as the time drew near to open the sale I would go to my room, dress for the occasion and suddenly appear at the hotel office ready forbusiness; and as soon as the wagon was driven to the door ready for theparade, I would climb in and perform my part of the programme. 

It was usually a query with hotel clerks and porters, who the auctioneercould be and where he slept and took his meals. 

My reason for thus disguising myself was to satisfy my employer, whofeared that the polish business would in some degree injure the auctionsales. 

I made auctioneering my constant study, jotting down every saying thatsuggested itself to me, and giving it a great deal of thought at oddtimes. In the morning, at noon, and while walking from house to house Iconjured up all sorts of expressions. 

Consequently I manufactured a large variety of comical descriptive talkon all lines of goods we handled, besides an endless variety of funnysayings and jokes with which to hold and entertain my audiences. 

By reading a good deal and carefully listening to every thing that wassaid in my presence I was constantly catching on to something new whichI combined with something original. I very soon found myself not onlyrated equal to the average auctioneer, but almost invariably on my dailytrips selling polish I would be asked if I "had heard that auctioneerthe night before, " and then would follow the highest commendation of hisability. 

This of course had a tendency to elevate me in my own estimation, andwas no doubt a motive power to urge me on to success. But under thecircumstances of not daring to make my identity known, I was unable toshare in the glory that my egotism would naturally crave for. 

I became satisfied, at any rate, that I had "struck my gait, " and atonce became wrapped up soul and body in the business. 

In a few weeks my employer suggested that we let the musicians go, as hewas convinced that I was able to entertain my audiences sufficientlywithout them. I agreed with him and we very soon learned that our saleswere better than with them. 

The music seemed to divide the attention of the people, besidessuggesting more pleasure than business. 

My commission was increased from five to seven per cent. As soon asthis fact was demonstrated. 

Before quitting the business I was successful in acquiring a generalline of talk on suspenders, shoe-laces, combs, brushes, handkerchiefs, hose, pocket-knives, razors, pencils, pins, stationery, towels, table-cloths, and in fact everything belonging to this line of goods, together with an endless variety of jokes and sayings used during andimmediately after each sale. 

My sales were made on what is termed the down-hill plan, or DutchAuction, instead of to the highest bidder, as is common in selling farmimplements and stock. I would first describe the quality of the articlefor sale, and after placing its price as high as it usually sold at, would then run it down to our lowest bottom price, and as soon as a salewas made, proceed to duplicate and sell off as many of them as possiblein a single run; and then introduce something else. 

To give the reader a more definite knowledge of the manner of conductingthis business and describing the goods, I will give an illustration onone or two articles, including a few sayings frequently used betweensales. It should be borne in mind that as soon as I opened my sale Ibegan talking at lightning speed, and talked incessantly from thatmoment till its final close, which usually lasted two to four hours. Ihave talked six hours, incessantly, but it is very exhausting andwearing, and could not be kept up. 

To hold the people and keep them buying, it was necessary to entertainthem with a variety of talk. Whenever a sale was made, I would cry outat the top of my voice:

"Sold again;" and would not lose a chance then to add some joke orsaying that would be likely to amuse the crowd, before offering anotherlot. 

I will now illustrate a sale on "Soap:"

 "My friends, the next article I will offer for your inspection is the homa jona, radical, tragical, incomprehensible compound extract of the double-distilled rute-te-tute toilet soap. 

 "_T-a-l-k_ about your astronomical calculation and scientific investigation, but the man who invented this soap, studied for one hundred years. As he _d-o-v-e_ into the deep, _d-a-r-k_ mysteries of chemical analysis, he solved the problem that _n-o_ man born could be an honest Christian without the use of soap. 

 "Take a smell of it, gentlemen, eat a cake of it, and if you don't like it, spit it out. I'll guarantee it to remove tar, pitch, paint, oil or varnish from your clothing; it will remove stains from your conscience, pimples from your face, dandruff from your head, and whiskey from your stomach; it will enamel your teeth, strengthen your nerves, purify your blood, curl your hair, relax your muscles and put a smile on your face an inch and-a-half thick; time will never wear it away; it's a sure cure for bald heads, scald heads, bloody noses, chapped hands, or dirty feet. * * *

 "Now, gentlemen, I have here an extra fine toilet soap that you can't buy in your city for less than ten cents a cake. But I'm here my friends, to give you bargains. " (Then counting them out, one cake at a time):

 "I'll give you one cake for ten, two for twenty, three of 'em for thirty, four for forty, five for fifty and six for sixty cents. Yes, you lucky cusses, I'll see if there's a God in Israel. Here, I'll wrap them up for fifty-five--fifty--forty-five--forty--thirty-five, thirty. There! I hope never to see my Mary Ann or the back of my neck if a quarter of a dollar don't buy the whole lot. Remember, twenty-five cents; two dimes and-a-half will neither make nor break you, buy you a farm, set you up in business or take you out of the poor-house. 

 "Is there a gentleman in the crowd now who will take this lot for twenty-five cents?"

 (When some one cries out, "I'll take 'em, ")--

 "Take 'em, I should think you would take 'em. I took 'em, too; but I took 'em when the man was asleep, or I never could sell 'em for the money. Will it make any difference to you, sir, if I give you six more cakes in the bargain?--(throwing in six more. ) All right, my friends. 

 "You can't give in vain to a good cause. Remember, 'God loveth a cheerful giver. ' Now gentlemen, who'll have the next, last, and only remaining lot for the money? Here's one, another makes two, one more are three, another makes four, one more are five and one are six, and six more added make another dozen, the only remaining lot for the money. And sold again. 

 "Not sold, but morally and Christianly given away; where Christians dwell blessings freely flow; I'm here to dispense blessings with a free and liberal hand. Ah, you lucky sinners, I have just one more lot--the last and only remaining one. Who'll have it? And sold again. The fountains of joy still come rushing along, the deeper we go the sweeter we get and the next song will be a dance. Well, dog my riggin', if here ain't another dozen cakes. And who'll take them along for the same money? Sold again! Not sold, but given away. He that giveth to the poor lendeth to the Lord and when he dies he'll go to Georgetown by the short-line. 

 "Well, there, gentlemen, I've soaped you to death. The next article I'll call your attention to is a fine Eagle rubber-tipped pencil with the lead running all the way through it and half way back again, and a pencil you can't buy in the regular way for less than ten cents. Now, gentlemen, after sharpening this pencil to a fine point, I propose to give you a specimen of my penmanship. I presume I'm the finest penman who ever visited your city. 

 "And I will wager one hundred dollars to fifty that I can beat any man in your town writing two different and distinct hands. " (Then hold up a piece of paper or paste-board and commence writing on it. )

 "You will notice, my friends, that I write one hand that no man in the world can read but myself, and another hand that myself nor any other man can read. Now, gentlemen, I'm going to supply the wants of yourself and family, and all your relatives. " (Then picking them up one at a time, and exposing them to view):

 "Here is one for dad and one for mam, Two for the cook and the hired man, One for your daughter and one for your son. As true as I tell you, I have only begun. For there is one for your wife and one for yourself; I'll give you another to lay on the shelf. Here's one for your sister and one for your brother, For fear they'll need three I'll throw in another. Here is one for your uncle and one for your aunt. I would give them another, but I know that I can't, For there's just two left for grandfather and grandmother. If you'll take them along and make me no bother, You may have the whole lot for a quarter of a dollar. 

 "And who'll have the entire lot for the money?

 "And sold right here. This gentleman takes them. I should think he would take 'em. Any man that wouldn't take 'em, wouldn't take sugar at a cent a pound. He'd want to taste off the top, taste from the bottom and eat out the middle and then he'd _swear_ it wasn't sugar. And who'll have the next, last, and only remaining lot for the money? And sold again. Luck is a fortune gentlemen. The man that is here to-night is bound to be a winner. And who'll have the next lot for the money?"

The foregoing will give the reader a slight idea of the variety of talkthat it was necessary for me to keep conjuring up and manufacturing inorder to entertain my buyers, and to continually spring something new onthem. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXIV. 

MY EMPLOYER CALLED HOME--I CONTINUE TO HUS'LE--AN AUCTIONEERINGCO-PARTNERSHIP--STILL IN A DOUBLE ROLE--A NEAT, TIDY, QUIET BOARDINGHOUSE--WE MOVE TO A HOTEL--A PRACTICAL JOKE--AUCTIONEERING FORMERCHANTS--MAKING A POLITICAL SPEECH--GETTING MIXED. 

I remained with my late employer several weeks, having almostuninterrupted success, when he was notified of his wife's seriousillness and was obliged to leave his horses and wagon with a liverymanand return at once to his home in Ohio. 

I continued selling furniture polish as though nothing had happened, butnever ceased making auctioneering a continual study. 

Shortly after this I received a letter from an old acquaintance who hadrecently married a widow about forty years older than himself, expressing a desire to go into the auction business with me. 

He said he was well fixed now (or at least his wife was) and if I woulddo the auctioneering he would furnish the capital and we would traveltogether and divide the profits. 

I telegraphed him to have his money ready, as I was coming. 

On my arrival Johnny showed me a large roll of bills and said "there wasplenty more where that come from. "

We ordered a nice stock of goods and started at once taking in theWestern and Southwestern States. 

Johnny was exceedingly gay and chipper from the start and seemedpossessed with the idea that he had found a gold mine. 

He led about the same life I did the winter I was selling governmentgoods--only a little more so, and I frequently reminded him of theresults of my experience and tried hard to convince him that his wouldresult the same, but without success. 

He was a jolly, good natured fellow, a true friend, kind and generous toa fault, which with his expensive habits made serious inroads on hiscapital and it diminished rapidly. 

I saw how things were shaping, and lost no time in making a newcontract with him, which gave me a certain commission, and required himto defray all hotel bills. 

I kept up the sale of polish as usual, during the time when we were notselling at auction, and by so doing was steadily gaining ground. 

I suggested to Johnny when we first started out that he also sellpolish. 

He laughed at the idea and said he "didn't have to. "

After we had been out a few weeks I asked him one day if he didn't thinkwe had better invoice. He thought we had, and we did so. He seemed lessgay after this and showed frequent signs of having the blues. 

We could show good sales, but he couldn't show where the money had gone, although he had had the exclusive handling of it himself. 

He began to show an inclination to make improvements, but still clung toa few expensive notions, so much so that his expenses far exceeded hisprofits. 

In a few weeks I suggested another inventory, to which he submitted, andwas fairly paralyzed at the result. 

We then decided to go to Kansas City, Missouri. On our way there Johnnyasked me what I thought of going to some nice, quiet boarding-houseinstead of paying the usual high rates at hotels. 

I agreed, and again suggested that he go to selling polish, which he wasalmost tempted to do, but finally said he guessed he wouldn't yet awhile. 

When we got to Kansas City I said:

"Now Johnny, I will stay at the depot while you 'hustle' up town andfind a boarding-house. "

He started on the hunt immediately. 

In about two hours he came rushing back with a broad grin on hiscountenance, and informed me that he had found one of the nicest placesin town, where every thing was neat and clean, and nice and tidy, theold lady was a good conversationalist, she had a nice family ofwell-bred children, and it was so home-like, and at a cost of only twodollars and a half each. 

[Illustration: OUR NEAT, NICE, TIDY BOARDING HOUSE AT KANSAS CITY, MO. --PAGE 416. ]

"But Johnny, two dollars and a half a day apiece at a boarding-house istoo much. "

"Good ---- Johnston, I don't mean by the day. I mean by the week. "

At this he grabbed a piece of baggage and bounded away, I followingclosely. 

On our arrival at the boarding-house we found the landlady to be awidow with seven children. The house was furnished with the verycommonest of furniture, no carpets on any of the floors, no paper on thewalls, and the plastering off in many places. 

We were both very hearty eaters, and were in the habit of taking ourheartiest meal at six o'clock in the evening. 

When supper was called we went in to the dining-room, took seats andwaited to be served. 

In about two minutes the children began flocking in. The majority ofthem took their position along one side of the room and stared at uswith half-starved looks, while the others were climbing over the backsof our chairs, and turning summersaults under the table and in themiddle of the floor. 

Directly the old lady came in with a cup of tea for each of us, and thenbrought in a molasses cake, with a couple of slices of bread and a smallpiece of butter. 

Johnny glanced at me as if expecting a grand "kick;" but, although I hadno fondness for molasses cake, I took hold and ate with as much relishas if it had been roast turkey. I kept up a pleasant conversation withthe old lady, and never failed to laugh heartily whenever one of theolder boys happened to kick a cat up the chimney or break a lamp or two. 

When bed-time came, the old lady showed us to the spare-room, whichcontained nothing but a small stand and an old-fashioned bedstead with astraw tick resting on ropes instead of slats. The straw was nearly allon one side, which discovery I happened to make before retiring, andforthwith took advantage of it by hurrying to bed first, and occupyingthat side. 

Although I had always before insisted on sleeping alone, I didn't inthis instance raise any objection, but on the contrary, appeared ashappy as could be. 

As soon as Johnny struck the bed he began to roll and tumble, and in avery short time succeeded in breaking the rope on his side, making itvery uncomfortable for both of us. We kept sinking gradually, till atlast our bodies were resting on the floor, with our feet and headsconsiderably elevated. 

I felt the consciousness of getting the best of it, as the straw stillremained on my side; and made up my mind to find no fault, but wait andsee what Johnny would have to say. 

Hardly a word had passed between us since supper. Finally, discoveringthat I was awake, he asked me if I was comfortable. I assured him that Iwas resting splendidly. 

He then asked, in a low tone, how I liked the supper, and what I thoughtof the boarding house. 

I replied that I thought the supper was fine, and that everything wasneat and clean and nice and tidy, the old lady a splendid cook, a goodconversationalist, and had a nice family of well-bred children; and asfor myself, _I liked it, it was so home-like_. Johnny made no reply, butas I could see, was doing considerable thinking. 

For breakfast we had hominy and coffee. If there was ever one thing Idetested more than another, it was hominy. But I partook of it heartily, and conversed as pleasantly as possible with Johnny and the old lady. 

For dinner we had a small piece of tainted beef-steak with some warmedover sour potatoes and warm biscuit and butter. 

I praised the dinner and especially the biscuit. The children neverfailed to occupy their customary places nor to perform their usualevolutions. 

For supper the cup of tea and molasses cake were again brought out. 

The third day Johnny once more asked me how I liked the boarding-house. I said:

"Well, Johnny, I think it is nice. Every thing is neat and clean andnice and tidy. The old lady is a splendid cook, a good conversationalistand has a nice family of well-bred children, and as for myself _I likeit, it's so home-like_. "

We made several successful auction sales, and I kept canvassing with thepolish. 

Johnny found considerable difficulty in passing the time pleasantly atthe boarding-house. Having previously stopped at first-class hotels, thecontrast was far from agreeable, and I could see he was getting restiveand dissatisfied. 

I had determined to use every effort in trying to keep him there as longas possible. My experience had taught me that a cheap boarding-house wasno place to stop at, and I thought the sooner he learned the lesson thebetter it would be for him. 

On the fifth day, when he asked how I liked it by that time, I againrepeated:

"Why, Johnny, I think it's nice. Everything is neat and clean and niceand tidy, the old lady is a splendid cook and a good conversationalist, and has a nice family of well-bred children; and as for myself, _I likeit, it's so home-like_. "

I noticed he eyed me very closely this time, but as I managed to getthrough without a smile, and appeared thoroughly in earnest, he seemedto consider it best not to express his opinion; and as I asked noquestions he said nothing, but looked pale and haggard, and appearednervous and anxious. 

Matters went on as usual, with no improvement at the boarding-house, except on Sunday for dinner we had flour gravy, which I was very fondof, and complimented the old lady on her way of making it. 

Johnny had nothing to say; and as he cared nothing for gravy, ate butlittle, and looked silly. 

As we passed into the sitting-room together I remarked:

"That's the kind of a dinner I like; _it's so home-like_. "

He eyed me closely, said nothing, but looked bewildered. 

On the seventh day at noon, as I was coming in from canvassing, I methim down town. He looked haggard and hungry. When I came up and said"it's about dinner-time, isn't it?" he answered: "Great Cæsar! it'sabout time to eat, anyhow, and I have got to have a square meal oncemore. "

"Well, come with me, Johnny, I'll take you to a nice place. "

He followed, and as we passed into the restaurant the cashier said:

"How are you to-day Mr. Johnston?"

We took a seat at one of the tables, when Johnny began watching meclosely. Directly one of the waiters came to us and said:

"Mr. Johnston, we have your favorite dish, to-day, and it's very fine. "

"Very well, then bring me a New England dinner. "

At this Johnny's eyes fairly glistened, and he turned ghastly pale. Thenjumping to his feet and pounding the table with his fist, he cried out:

"Johnston, you're a ---- fraud! and have nearly succeeded in starving meto death, and ---- me if I----"

"But, sit down--sit down; let me explain--let me explain. "

He resumed his seat, when I began with:

"You see, Johnny, I thought you were partial to boarding-houses, and aseverything was neat and clean and nice and tid----"

"Oh, tidy be ----! Cuss your nice old lady, and her good conversation, and all the ---- well-bred kids. I'll be cussed if you'll ever come anysuch smart tricks on me again. The best will be none too good for me, hereafter. I thought all the while that you were feeling mighty gay fora man living on wind and water, and sleeping on a bunch of straw. And Isuppose, if the truth were known, you slipped off up to some hotel everynight after I got to sleep, and staid till five o'clock in the morning, and then returned in time to make a ---- fool of me. But look out forbreakers hereafter. No more clean, nice, tidy boarding-houses for me, nomatter how home-like it is, nor how good a talker the old woman is. I amthrough--through forever, even though all the well-bred children inMissouri starve for the want of income from boarders, I am going to moveto-day. "

We then moved to a respectable hotel, where both were delighted with thewonderful change. 

After leaving Kansas City we remained together for some time, but Johnnymade no improvement in his manner of living till finally his money wasgone and his stock was reduced to a mere handful of goods. At last oneSaturday afternoon we went out to make a sale and I cleaned out the lastdollars' worth and then sold the trunks and declared the businessdefunct. 

Johnny protested, but I argued with him that the sooner he sold outentirely and spent the money the sooner he could call on his wife formore. 

He said that was so, and he guessed he would telegraph her to sellanother house and lot and send him the proceeds immediately, with whichhe would purchase more goods. 

I laughed at the idea and little thought he would do so till about twoweeks later he opened a letter one day containing a draft for severalhundred dollars, and said:

"Johnston there is nothing like striking it rich;" and then queried inan under tone: "If a man has nothing and his wife has plenty who doesthe property belong to?"

He liked the auction business and immediately ordered more goods andalso began showing more extravagance than ever in buying clothing and adisposition to go out with "the boys" at every town we visited. 

I kept "hus'ling" with my polish and let Johnny pay my hotel bills andthe commission due me on auction sales. 

I soon saw that all arguments were lost on him so long as his wife ownedanother house and lot, so concluded to stay with him as long as therewas anything in it. 

He was not long, however, in again bringing the business to a focus. Ithappened in this way: One afternoon while I was out selling polish heengaged in a quiet game of cards "with just enough at stake to make itinteresting, " and when the game ended he had not only lost all his readycash, but had borrowed about twice as much on the goods as they wereworth, and had also lost that. 

He then asked me to loan him some money which I refused to do, butassured him that I would not see him want for the necessaries of life aslong as he was with me. 

I now thought it a good time to urge him to try to sell polish, and lostno time in doing so. When pressed he declared he wouldn't be caughtgoing to a house with a valise in his hand for fifty dollars a day. 

But he said he had often wished he could be sitting in some one's housesome time when I entered and see how I managed. 

I then proposed that he should make some plausible excuse for visiting acertain house that we should agree upon, and I would call while he wasthere. 

The next day was Sunday, and when we were out walking he located ahouse, and we fixed the next day as the time. 

I asked him what excuse he would make few calling. 

He said he would make believe he wanted to buy their house and lot, andthe lots adjoining them, and that his intentions were to build a staveand barrel factory. He had been foreman in such a factory, and couldtalk it right to the point. 

The next day, after dinner, I asked him if he was going to make thatcall and hear me sell polish. 

He said yes, he was ready to start then. 

He started, and I followed closely after him; and in a very few minutesafter he was admitted, I rang the bell and was also admitted by theservant, and ushered into the parlor where Johnny was sitting alone. Thegirl informed me that her mistress would be down very soon. 

I asked Johnny, in a low tone, if he had met the lady of the house yet. He said he had not, but she had sent word that she would see him in afew moments. 

I stepped across the room near him and began looking at some pictures, then carelessly set my valise down by his chair, and after looking at afew more pictures, returned to my own chair, near the hall door, andawaited the lady's coming. 

She soon entered the parlor, her two grown daughters accompanying her. As they glanced from one of us to the other, I arose and said:

"Madam, I am informed that you have offered your property here for sale. I am desirous of purchasing a property of this description, as I want ahouse with several vacant lots adjoining on which to build a stave andbarrel factory. "

She said they had often spoken about selling out if they had a goodchance; but didn't know that their neighbors, or any one else, had everbeen informed of it. I then asked her if she would show me the house. She said she would, and as we were about to leave the room I turned toher and said:

"Madam, perhaps this gentleman would like your attention before weleave the room. I see he has something for sale in his valise. "

She turned to him and said:

"What is it sir?"

Johnny sat there deathly pale, his eyes fairly popping out of his headand his whole body shaking like a poplar leaf. He first glanced at thevalise, then at the lady, and after giving me a wistful, weary, woe-begone look, carefully picked up the valise and rising from hischair faltered out:

"Madam, you don't want to buy any varnish, do you?"

"No sir, indeed I do not and----"

"Well that is what I thought. I'll bid you good day, ladies, " and hebowed himself out. 

After being shown through the house and answering innumerable questionsabout stave and barrel-making, and where I had formerly been inbusiness, I left for the hotel where I found Johnny patiently waiting myreturn. 

As I entered the hotel office he met me near the door and said:

"Johnston I'd rather have been caught stealing chickens than in thathorrible predicament; don't you ever do it again. "

I assured him I had no idea of ever being able to do it again, or toperpetrate a similar joke on him, even though I were ever so anxious todo so. 

After it was all over he seemed to appreciate the joke, but made me allsorts of offers if I would not tell it to his wife when we got home. 

I asked for the valise and he said he had paid a small boy to bring itto the hotel, and he supposed it was at the office, for he wouldn'tcarry it through town under any circumstances, and if those people wherehe called would deed him their house and lot he wouldn't again gothrough what he did during those few awful seconds. He said that when Ibegan talking about the house and lot he thought at first I had eithergot things badly mixed up or had gone crazy; and then when he suddenlythought of himself and the predicament it had left him in, he thought_he_ would go crazy. The very first thing he thought of was that I hadup and told the same identical story that he was to tell, and that hewas actually left without a sign of an excuse for calling on thosepeople. It never occurred to him that he could possibly introducehimself as a polish vender although he fully realized that the valisehad been saddled on to him; and he was sitting there in a dazedcondition wondering how he should get out of a scrape when I called thelady's attention to him. And only for the fact that I mentioned him as aman with something for sale he possibly never would have came to hissenses again, and would no doubt have been arrested or kicked out of thehouse. 

I asked him why he didn't ask the lady if she didn't wish to buy insteadof saying, "Madam, you don't want to buy do you?"

"Great Heavens, I was afraid as it was that she would say that shewanted to buy and if she had I would have fainted dead away. "

This satisfied me that Johnny would never make a polish vender and Iadvised him to return home, which he did. 

I then went to Clyde, Ohio, where my family were keeping house. I hadsent them there from Bronson, Michigan a few weeks before. It had takenthe greater portion of the money I had been making to get themcomfortably settled at housekeeping and to buy necessary clothing forthem. I had now begun to hand over a few dollars to Mr. Keeferoccasionally to help him out at times when he was badly in need ofmoney. 

I lost no time in getting out canvassing again and had set my mind onsome day having a nice stock of auction goods. 

It occurred to me about this time that I might possibly prevail uponmerchants doing business in country towns to advertise and make anauction sale and clean out their old hard stock. I suggested the idea toone of the leading merchants of a town where I was canvassing. Hereadily fell in with it, and after I convinced him of my ability to sellthe goods, he advertised a sale which brought large crowds of peoplefrom all directions, and our success was more than gratifying. 

He acknowledged that we had converted hundreds of dollars' worth ofgoods into money that had been in his store for years and probably wouldhave remained there for years to come. 

With a strong letter of recommendation from this merchant, I found notrouble in persuading the leading merchant in each and every town Ivisited to make an auction sale. I was to receive a regular commissionon all sales made, and to sell only during the evenings and Saturdayafternoons. This afforded me a very nice income, but I still clung to mypolish, and kept hus'ling when I wasn't selling at auction. 

It is not generally known by auctioneers that this plan of operating isa practical one. Nevertheless it is, and there is not only a wide fieldfor them, but it is a fact that the average merchant can well afford toand _will_ give a good live auctioneer a large percentage for clearingout his odds and ends, as often as once a year, and this can becontinued from place to place the year round. 

Many a young man, who has the ability and might easily learn theprofession and adapt himself to it, could as easily establish himself ina well-paying business in that way as to plod along in the same old rutyear in and year out, without any future prospect for obtaining eithermoney or experience. 

As for the latter, I have always considered every year's experience Ihad as an auctioneer equal to any three years of other business. 

On my new plan of operating, I at once saw that success, especiallyduring the fall and winter season, was assured me. 

This was in the fall of 1876, when Hayes and Tilden were candidates forthe Presidency. I had never interested myself in politics in the least, up to this time, and hardly knew which side either man was running on. But Mr. Hayes being from my own county, and I might add the fact that Ithen had in my possession a history of one branch of my father's familywhich contained his name, and enabled me to prove him at least afourteenth cousin, I at once became interested in him and anxious to seehim in the Presidential chair. 

I likewise began reading up on politics; and seeing the necessity offamiliarizing myself with the party platforms, so as to be able to scoreevery Democrat I met in good shape, I took the precaution to preserveevery good Republican speech I read, and at my leisure cut such extractsfrom them as I considered good. 

After getting a lot of these together I arranged them so as to readsmoothly, and pasted in a scrap book; and discovered that I had a "bangup" political speech. I lost no time in committing it to memory, and wasthereby successful in carrying everything by storm. 

As I could talk louder, longer and faster than the average person, Iusually experienced little trouble in making the Democrats "lay still. "

At last, however, I came in contact with one landlord who was a Democratand who made it so very unpleasant for me that I concluded tomanufacture a Democratic speech also, in order to be prepared foranother such occasion. 

Therefore I did the same as I did with the Republican speech; andalthough I rather preferred Hayes, I didn't think my own prospects for apost office were so flattering but that, when I considered it a matterof policy, I could deliver a Democratic speech as well. This I oftendid, with as much success as with the Republican. 

Whenever I registered at a strange hotel, the first inquiry I made wasabout the landlord's politics; and he always found me with him. 

Before the campaign was over I had argued about equally for bothparties, and the day before election I felt that I ought to go intomourning, because whichever was elected I knew I would be sorry itwasn't the other. 

I had been a red hot Democrat at Gallion, Ohio, and had made a greatmany hotel-office speeches there, greatly to the satisfaction of thelandlord and his friends. 

From there I went to Crestline, where I felt obliged to be a Republican, and immediately made the acquaintance of two professional men, one adoctor and the other a lawyer. Both were Republicans, and frequentedthe hotel where I boarded. Neither of them could read very easily, onaccount of having what I used to call "slivers in their eyes, " caused byexcessive drinking. They enjoyed politics, however, and used to ask meto read aloud to them. In order to flatter me and keep me interested inthe reading, every time I would finish an article the old lawyer wouldjump up and down in his chair, and say:

"He's a good reader, a Jim-dandy reader. "

"Damfeain't, damfeain't, " the doctor would chime in, also jumping up anddown in his chair. 

"Read some more, Johnston; read some more, you're a bully good reader. "

I of course had frequent occasions to deliver my Republican speech whilethere, or at least extracts from it; and as I also established quite areputation as an auctioneer, the two professional gentlemen said I oughtto have been making political speeches during the entire campaign. 

The lawyer said he frequently went out to different points and madespeeches, and wanted me to go along the next time he went. 

In a few days he asked me to accompany him fifteen miles to across-roads school house the following evening. He was to make aspeech, and expected to meet a man from Gallion who would also speak;and he wanted me to go with him, and get up and bury the Democraticparty forever, in that part of the country. 

I at first hesitated, on account of having been a Democrat while atGallion, as I feared that the gentleman from there might have heard mearguing at the hotel, and would give me away. 

Fortunately, however, he failed to put in an appearance. The lawyerdelivered his speech, and after informing his audience that the Gallionman was unable to come, introduced me as a substitute sent by him, andrepresented me as a very promising young lawyer from Fremont, Ohio, thevery town where Mr. Hayes had always resided. I could tell them more ofhis personal characteristics than any politician in the field. 

[Illustration: A BADLY MIXED POLITICAL SPEECH NEAR CRESTLINE, O. --PAGE438]

I opened up on them like a thunderbolt, and succeeded in fairly moppingthe floor with the Democratic party. 

After talking a full half hour, and relating many a little story which Ihad picked up for the occasion, and was carrying my audience along underfull sail, with almost a full string counted up for the Republicanparty, the old lawyer who sat behind me, pulled my coat-tail, andbegan to laugh slightly. I noticed also a few intelligent-lookinggentlemen looking suspiciously at one another and laughing immoderately. 

I became conscious that something was wrong, and suddenly realized thatI had unconsciously switched off onto my Democratic speech. 

I hesitated a moment, and on a second's reflection realized that I hadbeen talking Democracy several minutes, and had said several things thatI couldn't take back. I became flustered, and hesitated and stumbledmore or less till I heard the lawyer say, in a low voice:

"Dang it, get out of it the best you can, and close 'er up--close 'er upquick. "

I then said:

"Gentlemen, I am compelled to make an honest, frank confession to you. In the first place I must admit that my politics have become somewhattangled up in this particular speech; and as an apology for it musthonestly confess that I am a Democrat, and have been traveling all overthe country making Democratic speeches. 

"But I was paid an extra stipulated price this evening to come over hereas a substitute and make a Republican speech; and dang me if I haven'tgot fogged up. So, gentlemen, you must take the will for the deed; andif you are able to unravel my speech, you are welcome to whicheverportion pleases you best. "

Everybody laughed and yelled, and the majority of them wanted to shakeme by the hand and congratulate me. 

The old lawyer said one good thing about it was, that the biggest partof my speech was Republican, anyhow; and that I told them a good manyplain truths, too, while I was at it. 

I asked how about the Democratic part. Weren't they facts, too?

"Well, yes, I guess they were; but, thank God, there wasn't much of it. "

He said he couldn't see how on earth I could have gotten my politics sobadly mixed, and only for the fact that he positively knew me to beengaged in selling polish and auctionering he would surely take my wordfor it that I was a Democratic stump speaker. He said further, if I hadpolitics down a little bit finer, he couldn't see anything to prevent mefrom striking a job in almost any town, as I would be sure to findeither a Democratic or Republican meeting wherever I went. 

CHAPTER XXV. 

CONTINUE TO SELL FOR MERCHANTS--WELL PREPARED FOR WINTER--TRADING ASHOT-GUN FOR A HORSE AND WAGON--AUCTIONEERING FOR MYSELF--MR. KEEFERNEEDING HELP--HOW I RESPONDED--TURNING MY HORSE OUT TO PASTURE--ENGAGEDTO SELL ON COMMISSION--HOW I SUCCEEDED--OUT OF A JOB--BUSTED--HOW I MADEA RAISE--A RETURN TO THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE--PEDDLING WITH A HORSE ANDWAGON--MEETING AN OLD FRIEND--MISERY LIKES COMPANY--WE HUS'LETOGETHER--PERFORMING A SURGICAL OPERATION--A PUGILISTIC ENCOUNTER--OURWILD-WEST STORIES--BROKE AGAIN--A HARD CUSTOMER--ANOTHER RAISE. 

I kept up my plan of engaging with merchants to sell out theiraccumulated hard stocks, and never lost an opportunity to put in myspare time selling polish. I was determined that old Jack Frost shouldnot catch me again with my summer clothes on and no coal in the bin; andwhen winter came, my family and myself were well provided for. We hadplenty of coal and wood, a cellar well filled with all kinds of wintervegetables, a half barrel of corned beef, a barrel of flour, a tub ofbutter, and I was still "hus'ling. " Snow storms could not be severeenough to keep me from peddling; and although I called on many ladieswho plainly showed their disgust at me for tracking the snow over theircarpets, I knew I was working for a good cause, and that they had onlyto see to be convinced. 

I was obliged to spend considerable money for additional furniture forhousekeeping and the general comforts of life; and when spring cameagain I was a little short financially, but determined, now that myfamily were comfortably situated, to make an earnest effort to procure astock of auction goods for myself. 

One day while canvassing with the polish, a young man wanted to tradefor the recipe so he could travel with it. I soon struck a deal with himand received seventeen dollars in cash and an old shot-gun. I laid themoney away carefully, thinking I would try and sell the gun and havethat much towards a stock of goods. I did not succeed, however, inmaking this sale, and so took it home with me. 

One day as I was walking down town I met two men leading a poor, old, bony horse out of town and carrying a gun. 

I learned from their conversation that they were going to kill the oldnag. I asked the reason and they said he was so old he couldn't eat andwas starving to death. I examined his mouth and found his front teethwere so very long that when the mouth was closed there was aconsiderable space between the back teeth, which of course, wouldprevent him from grinding the feed. 

I inquired of the owner if he also owned a wagon or harness. He said hedid. I next asked what he would take for the whole rig, horse, harnessand wagon. 

He wanted twenty-five dollars. I told him about my shot-gun and offeredto trade with him. He accompanied me to my house and I very quicklyclosed a trade, receiving the whole outfit for the gun. 

[Illustration: MY FIRST SALE AS PROPRIETOR AND AUCTIONEER AT REPUBLIC, OHIO. --PAGE 445. ]

I was not long in filing the old horse's front teeth down, by which hewas enabled to eat, much to his satisfaction and to my gain. 

I then ordered seventeen dollars' worth of notions, bought an old secondhand trunk, had a couple of tin lamps made to use for streetillumination, and started on my first trip as proprietor andauctioneer. 

The old horse I think meant all right enough, that is if he meant anything at all, but he wasn't much good. He couldn't have been built rightin the first place, for though he could eat more than three ordinaryhorses and seemed willing enough to make a good showing, yet I wasalways obliged to get out and push whenever we came to the leastincline; and at the slightest noise sounding like the word "whoa" hewould stop instantly. But with him, stopping was one thing and startinganother. 

I made a practice of commencing early in the morning and selling polishamong the farmers during the day-time, and driving into some countrytown just at night-fall and making an auction sale on the street bytorch light. 

I had small packages of notions sent on ahead C. O. D. From the wholesalehouse with which I was dealing. In this way I was able to carry on quitea business. 

I bantered every one I met to trade horses, but no one seemed to take aparticular fancy to my animal. 

I kept up this system of auctioneering and selling polish till intothe summer, and had succeeded in getting a trunk full of goods, andbegan to feel that I was in a fair way to make money rapidly. 

One day I received a letter from Mr. Keefer saying he must have helpfrom some source. His note was coming due at the bank besides otherobligations which he must meet, and if it were possible for me to assisthim in any way he wished I would do so. 

This was the first time he had ever asked me for assistance, and notonce could I remember that he had ever refused me aid when I asked it ofhim. 

It was not necessary for him to make any explanations to convince methat he really needed help, for the many times he had so generouslyhanded out to me was sufficient proof that he would more willingly giveto, than take from me. Consequently I was not long in deciding to closeout my goods at once and send him the proceeds. 

The next morning after making my evening sale I sent him what money Ihad, with a promise of more as soon as I could sell out. I made two moresales before I was able to close out the last of my stock, and sent himthe money. 

The next town I stopped at was Bodkins; and the landlord of the hotel, Mr. Lehman, informed me that his father, living in another town, owned alarge stock of general merchandise, and wanted to sell it out; and askedwhat I thought about selling it at auction. I explained it would be theproper caper. He telegraphed for his father, who came up, and theywanted to hire me by the day or week. 

I told them it was against my principles to work on salary, but I wouldtake ten per cent. And all my expenses. This they agreed on. Afterturning the old horse out to pasture, we started for the old gentleman'shome, and began making arrangements for an auction sale there, preparatory to starting out on the road. 

We advertised extensively; and as the stock consisted of almosteverything, including a lot of ready-made clothing, we drew an immensecrowd, and made a sale of over twelve hundred dollars on Saturdayafternoon and evening. 

I remember when Sunday morning came I was unable to above a whisper; butI had one hundred and twenty dollars in cash as my commission, ready tosend to Mr. Keefer on Monday morning. 

We moved the balance of the stock to another town, where our sales ranfrom one to three hundred dollars per day. I had a settlement everynight, as soon as the receipts were counted, and on the followingmorning sent the money to Mr. Keefer, reserving only enough to pay myfamily expenses, which I practiced sending home every Friday. 

We succeeded in closing out the bulk of this large stock of goods, whenone day, at St. Mary's, Ohio, after I had sent my last dollar to Mr. Keefer, the proprietor made a trade with a real-estate agent, receivinga farm for the remainder of the stock. I was notified that my serviceswere no longer required. My board was paid up to the following day, butI hadn't a dollar to my name. 

Of course, the first thing that entered my mind was the"Incomprehensible" and the only thing needed was a dollar or two withwhich to invest in a few bottles. 

That day at noon, when I came out of the dining-room from dinner, mylight-colored Derby hat was missing; and as another one was there whichresembled mine very closely, and fitted me exactly, I put it on, keepinga look-out for the wearer of my own. As it had a large grease-spot onone side, from the dripping of oil from my street lamps I knew I couldtell it easily. 

Directly in came a drummer for a grocery house, and began telling howmuch his sales had been in that town: To one grocer a car-load each ofrice, nutmegs, cinnamon and pepper, besides several hundred barrels offlour and as many chests of tea. I told him I didn't doubt his word, butwould thank him to give me back my hat. He discovered his mistake, andwas about to trade back, when I happened to think of what a splendidchance I had for making a little raise. As he handed me my hat I said:

"Thunderation! Do you suppose I am going to let you give me back my hatwith that big grease-spot on it? Not much, sir. Have you been down insome grocer's cellar with my hat on? Now, sir, you can either give mefive dollars to buy a new hat, or give me one dollar and we'll tradehats. "

He willingly handed over the dollar, and after apologizing, offered totreat in order to quiet me down. 

I then made a bee-line for the nearest drugstore, where I ordered a halfgallon of the "Incomprehensible" to be prepared for the next day. 

The old valise I had was a large-sized one, in which I carried myclothing; but I made room for the polish, and started out the next dayon foot, arriving at a small town late that night, with four dollars incash, and some stock on hand. 

The following morning I started back to where I had left the old horseand wagon. Arriving there, I hitched up and started through the country, selling polish to the farmers. It took about all I could rake and scrapeto keep my family, myself and the old horse eating. 

While on this trip as I was passing through Wapakanetta, Ohio, afamiliar voice came from a crowd of lookers-on saying:

"Halloo, Johnston, where you going?"

And an old acquaintance of mine came running to the wagon and hastilyexplained that he had the agency of a valuable patent which he was thentrying to sell County and State rights in and wanted me to join him. Itold him that I had promised my mother never to sell another Patentright, and then asked what success he had met with. He said not any yet, but----

"But, " I interrupted, "I suppose you have succeeded in spending whatmoney you had, and are now broke. "

"Yes, that's it exactly. "

"Well, Frank, misery likes company. Get in here and we'll traveltogether. "

He did so and we had quite a siege of it. We bought another valise and Iimmediately began educating him in selling polish. He made a very fairsalesman and as I was to furnish him with the polish at a stipulatedsum, I felt that I could very soon be deriving an income from hisservices. My idea was to keep him with me till he could get acquaintedwith the business and then arrange with some drug house to ship him whathe wanted and pay me my profits. 

[Illustration: A SUCCESSFUL SURGICAL OPERATION. --PAGE 454. ]

Our third day out we drove into a small hamlet, and after hitching theold nag to a post began operations. I called at a house where there wasconsiderable excitement and learned that an old lady had fallen downstairs and either broken or badly sprained her ankle. The principalcause for excitement was the fact that no Doctor could be found. As Ipassed from the house I saw Frank crossing the street a block or twoaway and called to him. He came right up and I explained to him thecritical condition of the old lady and suggested that he should go inand play surgeon as they were unable to find a doctor at home. Heconsented and we went in together. Frank looked wise, and I did thetalking. Finally one of the women in attendance beckoned us to thebedside. Frank made a hasty examination, and with my assistance helpedher to a chair and began pulling the victim around the room by hercrippled leg. She yelled and kept yelling, we pulled and kept pulling, her son swore and kept swearing, while the dog barked and kept barking. Everything was in a hubbub and every one excited. The neighboring womensoon left in disgust. The more we pulled the more excited we all becameand the more assurance Frank seemed to have that pulling was the onlyremedy. We were very soon rewarded with success, for a moment later thejoint went back into place, snapping like a pistol, which gave the oldlady immediate relief. Then Frank _did_ look wise and I dubbed himDoctor Frank at once. 

They inquired where he was practicing, and he told them he was atraveling Doctor. I suddenly spoke up and said:

"Why, ladies, this gentleman graduated at Whiting, Indiana. You've allheard of that place?"

"O, yes, we've all read of it, " they answered in chorus. 

When asked what his charges would be he glanced at me as if undecidedwhat to make it. I raised both hands intimating ten dollars as theproper figure. He said:

"Well, the usual charge for a case of this kind is twenty dollars, butI'll charge you only ten. "

They hesitated, and grudgingly paid the price, but were well satisfiedwith the operation. We had many a hearty laugh over the ridiculousmanner in which the ten dollars was obtained. 

We continued to peddle around over the country, taking in small inlandtowns. 

The old horse was an elephant on my hands, but he was all I possessed inthe world; and being unable to find a buyer, I could do no better thanto stick by him unless I chose to give him away, which I hardlyconsidered business-like. But I would have made money and saved troublehad I done so, for he was the means of getting me into two or threelittle fights. One in particular I will relate. 

Doctor Frank and myself were driving into New Baltimore one Saturdayevening, and as the old horse went heaving and crippling along we seemedto be the attraction for every one on the street. Suddenly a young manwho was sitting out in front of a store on the cross-railing betweentwo hitching posts cried out at the very top of his voice:

"Whoa!"

The old nag, as usual, came to a sudden halt, and every one of a largecrowd of men standing near by began to laugh. 

I realized that if their risibilities were so easily aroused at seeinghim stop, it would be a regular circus for them to see me get him inmotion again; so I coolly handed the lines to Doctor Frank, and said:

"Here, hold these, and I'll make believe I have business in that store;and after this crowd has dispersed, I'll come out and we'll try and makeanother start. "

I climbed out and walked toward the store. As I got even with the youngchap who had stopped us, and noticed him still sitting there, with hisfeet swinging backward and forward and a look of triumph on his face, Isuddenly changed my course, and stepping up to him, quickly dealt him aright-hander straight from the shoulder. He received the blow directlyunder the chin, and it set him spinning around the rail like a trapezeperformer on a horizontal bar. I then returned to the wagon, climbedin, picked up my club and made preparations for another move. 

Before making the start we had the pleasure of witnessing severalrevolutions by the young gentleman, after which he was helped to theground by some friends; and as we were moving away, under the strongpressure of my club and the hard pushing of the lines by Doctor Frank, our smart youth looked more silly and terror-stricken than he did gayand frisky a few moments before, when the laugh was all on his side. 

As we passed along down street everything was as quiet as a funeral; andalthough every man may have wanted to laugh, they all looked sober andsanctimonious, and as we imagined, took extra precautions to looksorrowful and sympathetic, as we rode along, looking savagely at them, apparently ready to spring from the wagon and pounce upon them at asecond's warning. 

We then drove to the hotel, where we took quarters. 

The next day, Sunday, while we were standing out in front, a man came upand began interrupting us in our conversation, and became rather abusivewhen we asked him to go away and not interfere with our affairs. Hethen said he was a lawyer and a gentleman, if he _had_ been drinking alittle, and he could whip half-a-dozen such men as we were; and sosaying he shook his fist under Doctor Frank's nose. He soon discoveredhis mistake, for no sooner had he done so than he received a straightleft-hander from Frank, right on his big red nose. I shall never forgethis looks, as he began backing up, in a dazed condition, and keptbacking round and round in a circle, with the blood spurting and hisnose flattened all over his face, and finally, not being able to keep onhis feet any longer, landed squarely, in a sitting posture, right in themiddle of a puddle of water that had been made by a severe rain-stormthat morning. 

He had no sooner landed in the water, than not less than two dozen mencame running from a saloon across the street; and the leader of the mob, a man about as large again as either of us, and who, we afterwardslearned, was the pugilist of the town, came rushing up to us and said:

"Any man that will strike a drunken man is a coward. "

From this we inferred that the whole thing was a put-up job, and ouronly way out was to assert our rights and fight our way through. 

He was coolly informed that we were not looking for fights, but wenever been placed on the list of cowards yet. He said:

"Well, I am here to clean both you fellows out. "

"Very well, I guess you can commence on me, " said Doctor Frank; and theyopened up. The crowd gathered closely around, and I became a littleexcited, and fearful lest some one should assist the stranger by kickingor hitting Frank. While they were scuffling on the ground I stuck closeby them, and realizing that my little escapade of the day before wouldhave a tendency to give me considerable prestige, I continued to cryout, at the top of my voice:

"Gentlemen, stand back, stand back; the first man who interferes hereto-day will get knocked out in less than a second, and I'm the boy thatcan do it. "

Every one was yelling for the pugilist but myself; and I continuedtalking encouragingly to Frank at the very top of my voice:

"Stay by him, Doctor, old boy, stay by him, stay by him, never give up, stay by him, make him lay still. I can whip any man that dares tointerfere. "

For a few moments when the pugilist was on top of the Doctor it lookedrather dubious, but I knew the sort of stuff Frank was made of and keptyelling:

"Never quit, Frank, die on the spot. Stay by him. "

A second later the pugilist had not only been turned, but the fight hadalso turned, for Frank was on top and it was not long till the pugilistscreamed:

"Take him off, take him off. "

I said to Frank: "Let the poor devil up now, he has enough. "

Frank raised up, looking a little the worse for the battle, but victorywas plainly written in his countenance. When he went into the hoteloffice to wash, the landlord informed him that he had whipped the bullyof the town. About this time I felt considerably like having a littlebrush myself, with some one, and stepping outside I asked in a loud toneof voice if there was any one there who was not quite satisfied, and ifthere was I would like to try any one of them a round or two just toaccommodate them. No one responded. 

During my several years' experience I had learned to avoid any suchscenes as this one, and fully realized how easy it was to becomeinvolved in trouble through a fracas. But at this particular time I wasreally anxious to show fight and willing to take a whipping if Icouldn't hold my own. We were not molested in that town again. 

I remember that Sunday night the office of the hotel was filled with menwho came in and expressed themselves as in sympathy with us; and I wellremember, too, the number of Wild West stories we related of ourexperience on the frontier with wild Indians and Polar bears, and whenwe finished relating them, how surprised many seemed to be that they hadall escaped with their lives during the late combat. 

I remember one very exciting story I told about an encounter I had withseven Indians and how I killed five of them and took the other twoprisoners after receiving thirteen wounds, and as evidence of myassertion took off my coat and vest, and was about to remove my shirt, to show the scars when Frank and the landlord stopped me and said:

"Never mind, Johnston, you showed us those scars last night, andremember this is Sunday night and people are passing by going to churchand will see you; wait till to-morrow night and then show them. "

Of course I took their advice and put my coat and vest on again, and wasamused to hear three or four old I-told-you-so-fellows say: "I knew it, I knew you fellows were good ones, I knew no common ordinary fellows hadany business with you men. "

Doctor Frank and I were sworn friends from this time on and continuedwith the polish for some time. 

One day I received a letter from my wife demanding an extra amount ofmoney from what I had been accustomed to sending her, and I borrowed allFrank had, and with it sent all I had, leaving us without a cent, butwith plenty of polish. As we had from three o'clock in the afternoontill sundown to operate, we hadn't the slightest doubt of being able tomake at least enough sales to procure money sufficient to pay expensesover night; but in spite of every effort we were unable to even sell asingle bottle, and when darkness came we made arrangements with a farmerfor supper, lodging and breakfast. 

In the morning of course the only thing we could do was to trade himpolish and I began negotiations with him, but in vain. I had polishedup two or three pieces of furniture, but neither himself nor his wifeseemed to care for it at all, and as we could plainly see were bent onreceiving a little pin-money from us. I then polished up another pieceof furniture and kept talking it up, perspiring freely, and noticedgreat drops of perspiration standing out on Frank's forehead. Then Ipolished more furniture and gave a more elaborate explanation of themerits of the polish, Doctor Frank of course putting in a word now andthen. But we had struck a Tartar--in fact, two Tartars. They were asfirm as adamant. 

We were at last cornered and looked at each other as though we had anidea that a private consultation would be the thing to hold about thattime. 

I felt that I would rather forfeit the old horse and wagon thanacknowledge that we had no money. I then said:

"Mr. ----, is the gentleman living in the second house south of here aresponsible and enterprising man?"

He answered that he was, and asked why. 

"Well I have been thinking of making him a General Agent in this Countyfor my polish. "

The lady of the house then said:

"John, why don't you take the agency? you have always wanted to travel. "

He asked what kind of a show I'd give him. 

I told him we charged ten dollars for the General Agency for each countyand we would supply him with the polish, or he could have the recipe formaking it by paying twenty-five dollars. He said he had no money andthere was no use talking. 

I asked how much our bill would be for staying over night. 

"Two dollars, " was his reply. 

"Very well, then, we can fix the money part. Which do you prefer, theGeneral Agency or the recipe?"

He said he wanted the recipe. 

"You can just give us credit then, for the two dollars and pay us fiftycents in cash and you will owe us twenty-two and one-half dollars whichyou can pay after you have made it. "

His wife said that was fair. He said he hadn't the fifty cents, but theywould give us a chicken for the difference. 

As we had been accustomed to trading anything and everything weexplained that the fowl was right in our line, and immediately closedthe deal and left with it. The reader may be assured that wecongratulated ourselves on our narrow escape. The man still owes thebalance, --in fact I forgot to leave him my address, so he could send it. 

We had consumed nearly a half day wrestling with our farmer friend toeffect a deal, and immediately started out with renewed vigor and thechicken with its legs securely tied and under the wagon seat. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXVI. 

HELPING A TRAMP--WE DISSOLVE PARTNERSHIP--MY AUCTION SALE FOR THEFARMER--HOW I SETTLED WITH HIM--I RESUME THE AUCTION BUSINESS FORMYSELF--MY HORSE TRADE--I START FOR MICHIGAN. 

We were then but a short distance from Fostoria, to which place wedrove, arriving there at noon with seventy-five cents and the chicken, which we sold for twenty-five cents. When we received the cash for it, arather seedy-looking individual stepped up and asked us if we couldn'tgive him money enough to buy his dinner, as he had had nothing to eatfor several days. We figured that as we had a dollar we could afford togive the fellow twenty-five cents, and have the same amount left fordinner for each of us, including the old horse. When we handed the tramphis quarter, I remarked:

"We will divide equally with you, which is the best we can do. "

He thanked us, and passed out of the store, when a very sorry-lookingindividual with a deacon-fied appearance who stood by said:

"Young man, I think you make a mistake by giving such characters money. How do you know what he will do with it? He may spend it for liquor, andmay hoard it up; there is no telling what he will do with it. I believein charity, but I believe prayers are better than money for suchpeople. "

"Well, if you believe in prayers you believe in God?"

"Of course I do. "

"Then, sir, you must admit that God keeps the books; and if the tramp isan impostor this little transaction will be recorded against him, and inour favor--especially if His system of book-keeping is double entry. "

The old gentleman laughed and said he didn't know but I was right, andthat he would give the matter a little extra thought. We then left thestore and immediately satisfied ourselves that the old gentleman wasright, in this particular instance, for we saw the tramp across thestreet going into a saloon and followed him, reaching there just in timeto hear him order a glass of beer. I stepped up to him and said: "Areyou hungry?"

"No, sir, I am not; but I am thirsty. "

"Well, sir, you've got to eat anyhow; we gave you twenty-five cents afew moments ago to eat with, and, dang you, you have got to eat, and eattwenty-five cents' worth, too, or be kicked out of town. Which do youprefer?"

He thought he'd rather eat. 

I took him by the neck and marched him forthwith to a restaurant, anddemanded of him that he order twenty-five cents' worth and eat everymouthful of it, and assured him of our intention of returning a fewminutes later to see that he followed our instructions. 

In about twenty minutes we passed by the restaurant and saw him sittingat a table facing the door eating with as much energy and vigor as aharvest hand. We turned back, and dropping in, explained the facts tothe restaurant-keeper, who informed us that he had ordered twenty-fivecents' worth. He soon finished the meal and came to the cashier tosettle. I asked if he had eaten everything brought him. He said noteverything, but all he wanted. 

"Then, sir, " said I, "you march back there and finish eating everything, to the very last morsel. "

He obeyed, but with an effort, as was plainly seen, for eating seemedto be out of his line. But we felt satisfied. At any rate we didn't feelthat we had been absolutely swindled out of our money; so, after givingthe fellow a good sound lecturing, we let him go. 

Doctor Frank and I kept together several weeks, and, although we workedlike troopers, were unable to lay up any money. 

Finally he received a letter from an acquaintance in Northern Michigan, wanting him to come there and engage in business with him. Stocked witha valise full of polish, he bade me good-bye and started. 

I continued on as usual until one night I stopped with a farmer who hadsold his farm and advertised an auction sale of his live stock andfarming utensils to take place the following day. I was anxious toremain and hear his auctioneer, (who, he said, was a good one, ) andconcluded to do so. 

About ten o'clock the next forenoon a large crowd had gathered, and afew moments later the auctioneer, in company with three other men, arrived on the scene, all so intoxicated as to be scarcely able to sitin their wagons. 

The farmer was very indignant, and came to me and asked if I had anidea I could sell off his property. I had spoken of my experience inthat line the night before, and now told him I thought I could do aswell as a drunken man, any how. In answer to his question of salary Itold him I never worked on salary, but sold on commission. He said theother fellow had agreed to make the sale for ten dollars, and asked whatcommission I would want. I told him I had always received from ten totwenty per cent. On merchandise, but as he had horses and cattle whichwould run into money fast, and was going to sell on a year's time, Iwould charge him five per cent. , to be paid in cash when the sale wasover. He agreed, and I laid off my coat and went to work. 

I saw at once from his actions that he was satisfied, and after the salehad progressed a while he said:

"Young man, you were a God-send to me this day sure, " and added: "TheLord will provide. "

"Yes, either that or the devil takes care of his own, " I answered. 

"How so?"

"Well, while the Lord has taken care of you in furnishing you anauctioneer, I have been favored considerably myself, for Heaven knows Ineeded the job, and, as I feel I am one of the devil's kind, I guessI'll have to give him the preference. "

He said: "We'll decide that matter after the sale. "

Every thing went on smoothly, and, as the sale was large it took tilllate in the evening before the last article was sold. The next morningwe footed up the sales, and, to the farmer's utter astonishment, itamounted to over eleven hundred dollars. After reflecting a while hesaid:

"Why, hang it all, we figured in the first place that we had about athousand dollars' worth, but I never thought of that yesterday morningwhen I offered you five per cent. Why, great guns, young man, are yougoing to charge me fifty-five dollars?"

"Of course I am, and I think I've earned it. "

"What! Earned fifty-five dollars in one day? Gracious Peter! I can hiregood men on my farm for seventeen dollars per month. "

"Yes, but I didn't see any of them around yesterday who were handyenough to do your auctioneering. "

He became quite excited, and declared he wouldn't pay me more thanfifteen dollars. I argued with him till about ten o'clock, when severalmen had come to take away their purchases and settle for them. After Ihad resorted to all sorts of methods and arguments to make him pay me, Isaid:

"Well, sir, I am going to spoil all the sales made to these men. "

He anxiously inquired how I intended to do it. 

"Well, I don't suppose it has occurred to you that I am not a licensedauctioneer, and under the laws of the State you have no right to deliveror give a bill of sale for goods sold by an auctioneer not licensed. "

His eyes fairly popped out of his head, and turning to his wife withmuch excitement, said:

"Mary, give him fifty-five dollars, and let him go. "

After receiving the money, I said:

"I suppose you would be silly enough to believe me if I should tell youyou ought to have a license to eat when you are hungry. "

As his boy had hitched up my old horse, I took my departure at once; anddriving to the nearest town, sent the money to a wholesale notion houseand ordered a stock of auction goods, which was promptly sent. 

I began business, working my way back north with a view to strikinginto Michigan in time for the County Fairs. 

During the whole time I had been skirmishing around with my old horse, after closing out my stock at Bodkins, I had clung to the old trunk andmy street lamps. 

The second day after receiving my goods, while driving along, wonderingwhat would happen next, I noticed a farmer coming from his house to thebarn, and after looking down the road at me a moment, climbed up on theboard fence and sat there apparently waiting my coming. As I drove up, he yelled:

"Halloo, stranger whatcher got to swap?"

"I'll swap anything I've got. What have you to trade?"

[Illustration: A PROFITABLE HORSE TRADE--PAGE 476. ]

"Well, sir, I've got as handsome a little brown mare as you ever saw. She is too small to work on a farm, and as you've got a big bony cussthere that would make a good plow hoss, I'll give you a big trade. "

"Bring 'er out; let's see 'er. "

"Here, boy, lead that little brown mare out and let the gentleman seeher. "

As the boy led her from the stable she came out with her ears layingback and her short tail switching; and I said to myself, "here will be ajob breaking a kicker and balker. "

"How will you trade?" I asked, not leaving my seat in the wagon, butsimply looking through and over the fence at her. 

Without leaving his seat on the fence, the man said:

"I'll trade for five dollars to boot. "

"I'll trade even. "

"No, sir, " he said, "I'm expecting threshers to-morrow, and have got tohave some money to buy meat and groceries with. "

"Well, then, I'll give you two dollars and fifty cents, and no more. "

"All right; it's a trade. The boy will change them for you. "

The lad then led the mare around, and after unhitching the old horse, changed the harness, and after hitching the mare to the wagon I handedhim the amount agreed upon, and started on. 

I expected to have a little "circus" with her, but to my surprise anddelight she started off on a full trot. The sensation was certainlyinvigorating, as it was the first time I had ridden faster than a walkin all summer. 

The idea of our making the trade without either of us leaving ourseats, or asking a single question, rather amused me, and seemed liketrading "sight unseen. "

I felt that two dollars and-a-half was all I had to risk, anyhow, and ifhe could afford to be reckless just because he was out of meat, I couldafford to take equal chances with him. 

This, I think, so far as real value was concerned, was the best horsetrade I ever made; the animal was not only sound and kind, but an extragood roadster and a good-looking beast. 

The next day when I drove into Plymouth, Ohio, to my surprise I metDoctor Frank. He had concluded to stop there and sell polish for a fewdays before going to Michigan, and in the meantime write up there andlearn more about his friend's offer. 

I shall never forget his looks as he came walking up to the wagon justas I was lighting my lamps to open a sale. He had been attracted by thelights and the gathering crowd, and when he saw the new horse anddiscovered me with a stock of goods, he could hardly believe his owneyes. 

I took time to explain how I had made a raise, and about thehorse-trade. 

He was as much pleased as I was, and started out with me again the nextday. We kept our course towards Michigan, and while in Ohio visitedseveral towns in which we had previously sold polish, and where we nowmade auction sales. In a few days he again left me. I staid in Ohioseveral weeks, then went into Michigan, meeting with good success andmaking money quite fast. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXVII. 

AUCTIONEERING AT MICHIGAN STATE FAIR--THREE DAYS CO-PARTNERSHIP WITH ASHOWMAN--MY PARTNER'S FAMILY ON EXHIBITION--OUR SUCCESS--TRAVELINGNORTHWARD--BUSINESS INCREASES--FREQUENT TRADES IN HORSES AND WAGONS--THEPOSSESSOR OF A FINE TURN-OUT--MR. KEEFER AGAIN ASKS ASSISTANCE--HOW IRESPONDED--TRAVELING WITH AN OX-TEAM AND CART--A GREAT ATTRACTION--SOLDOUT--TRAVELING BY RAIL--MY RETURN TO OHIO--MEETING THE CLAIRVOYANTDOCTOR--HOW I FOOLED HIM--QUAIL, TWELVE DOLLARS A DOZEN--THE DOCTORLOSES HIS APPETITE. 

The Michigan State Fair was to be held at Jackson that year, and Imanaged to reach there on the opening day and commenced business atonce. I sold on the grounds during the day, and on the streets down townin the evenings, doing a splendid business. 

On the second day of the Fair a gentleman came up to my wagon, while Iwas getting ready to make a sale, and remarked that he had heard me downtown the evening before, and was glad to see me doing so well; and toldme that he had a business that he could make lots of money at if hecould get started; but as he was completely stranded, he was unable toprocure a license, or anything else. 

In answer to my inquiry as to the nature of his business, he said he hada side-show. 

I didn't ask what he had to show, but as I had been in almost everyother business but that, I concluded to venture, and asked how muchmoney he would need. 

"Twenty-five dollars. "

"Anything in it for me, if I'll furnish the money?"

"Yes; there will be half we make for you, after paying expenses. "

"All right, sir; I'll help you to get a start. "

We called on the Secretary, and after paying for our permit, sent forhis canvas and very soon had it up. 

I accompanied him down town at noon, and on our way asked what he had toshow. He answered:

"The Fat Woman, the Dwarf, the Albino and the Circassian Girl. "

When we came to his hotel he asked me in and introduced me to his wife, two sons and a daughter. 

[Illustration: THREE DAYS CO-PARTNERSHIP WITH A SIDE SHOW. --PAGE 483. ]

I asked him where the show people were. 

"I have introduced you to all of them. "

"But where is your Fat Woman?"

He pointed to his wife. 

"Why, Great Heavens, " I shouted, "she is not fat; she is as thin as amatch and as long as a wagon track; how are you going to make her fat?And the Circassian Girl--where is she?"

He pointed to his daughter, whose hair was all done up in tins, and saidto me:

"Never mind about the show. Every thing will be all right. You get thereby one o'clock, and we'll be there ready for business. "

Sure enough, they were there. The Fat Woman in her long silk robe, andas big as a hogshead. 

The Dwarf in his swallow-tailed coat and wearing a plug hat, and hisface deeply furrowed with wrinkles. 

The Albino boy with his white hair, but lacking the pink eyes. 

The Circassian Girl with her dark bushy hair standing out in alldirections from her head. 

The Albino played the fife, the Dwarf the snare drum, the Circassianlady the cymbals, and the Fat Woman the base-drum. 

The first thing to be done was to erect a small stage on the outside, and the entire party came out, and after stationing themselves in properorder, opened up with music. 

While this unique band was thus engaged, my new partner mounted the boxand began talking at lightning speed. Crowds of people gathered, andafter viewing the pictures of the living wonders on the canvas, andlistening to the glowing description given of the "GREATEST OF LIVINGCURIOSITIES, " they began pouring in and kept it up till the tent waspacked full. Then the music ceased and the performers went inside, andthe Professor singled them out and delivered a lecture on each one, telling their age, nationality, etc. , after which he immediatelyannounced the conclusion of the performance and motioned every one out. 

As soon as the tent was cleared the band again made its appearance onthe outside, and after attracting a crowd and filling the tent again, would step inside to be exhibited, and this was repeated with immensesuccess till the last day and last hour of the Fair. 

It was amusing to see the people gather around and stare at the band ofmusicians while they were playing on the outside, and then step up andbuy tickets to go inside and take another look at them; and, as therewas no fault-finding, I suppose they were all satisfied. 

I drove my auction wagon as close to the tent as possible, and as fastas I could work the crowd with my goods I would turn them over to myside-show partner, recommending it as absolutely the most singular andremarkable show I had ever seen. 

I took the precaution to hire a man to take the tickets, so I had nooccasion to interfere with the show; but the last day, in the afternoon, the Professor became almost exhausted; and leaving my wagon I took theblower's stand and relieved him, and through the excitement, soondiscovered myself talking Curiosities with as much earnestness as ifBarnum's whole menagerie had been inside the tent. 

When we figured up and had deducted all expenses, we found ourselves sixhundred dollars ahead, which was divided between us; but I had talkedso much that I couldn't speak above a whisper. 

I wrote home to my wife narrating my success in the show businessexhibiting another man's wife and children, and suggested that she getherself and the little boy ready to start at a moment's notice, as I wasliable to send for them very soon and start a circus of our own. 

As I had no particular taste for that sort of business, however, Ithought it best to quit while I was ahead. Consequently I stuck toauctioneering. 

My business increased so rapidly as to render me unable to do any thingmore with the polish, for which I was very glad. I made several horseand wagon trades, paying boot whenever it was necessary, as I made it apractice of always trading for something better, till at last a nicepair of horses and carriage became my property, with two trunks ofgoods. 

[Illustration: A NOVEL TURN-OUT--PAGE 490. ]

I then worked north through Michigan, and began making regular streetparades prior to opening my sale. I would drive around town ringing anauction bell and crying:

 "AUCTION, AUCTION! EVERYBODY TURN OUT UPON THE STREETS TO-NIGHT! BARGAINS, BARGAINS AND NO IMPOSITIONS!"

My success was almost invariably splendid. 

Mr. Keefer wrote me about this time, that he was in need of assistance. His crops had been almost a total failure that year, through which hewas unable to meet the payments due on a piece of land he had purchased. 

I began an immediate search for a buyer for my horses and carriage, butwithout success, till one day an old gentleman bantered me to trade theentire outfit for a yoke of oxen and a two-wheeled cart, and wassomewhat surprised when I showed my readiness to "swap" for five hundreddollars to boot. 

He offered three hundred. 

I fell to four. 

He offered to split the difference, and I took him up before he had timeto draw another breath. 

He paid me three hundred and fifty dollars, and I transferred my trunksof goods and other baggage to the cart. When I did so the old gentlemanand several others began to laugh, and said they guessed I'd have tohire a teamster, as I would find considerable difference betweenhorses and oxen. I told them of my early boyhood experience in breakingsteers, and to prove the truth of my assertion, took up the ox-whip and"gee-d" them around on the streets several times before starting out. 

I remitted to Mr. Keefer, took my seat in the cart and continued north, reaching a small village just at sundown, where I made my usual parade, ringing the bell and crying out for everybody to come on Main street andwitness the great performing feats of trained oxen. I think everybodymust have responded; at any rate I actually made the best two hours'sale I had ever made in the auction business. 

The next day I had a pair of blankets made for my team, and had themlettered, "Free Exhibition of Trained Oxen on the Streets this Evening. "

On arriving at the next town I hired two small boys each to ride an ox, and ring a bell and halloo at the top of their voices, while I stood upbetween the trunks in the cart, also yelling and ringing a bell. 

We succeeded in getting every one in town out and made a grand sale. 

When about to close for the evening, I was asked to give an exhibitionof my oxen. I replied that the oxen were there on exhibition, and nocharge would be made to those who wished to look at them. 

I was asked what they were trained to do. 

I replied that among other things they were trained to stand withoutbeing hitched!

The fact had been fairly demonstrated that a yoke of trained oxen andcart paid better than a five-hundred-dollar team of horses with acarriage; but as winter was coming on, I saw the necessity of gettingrid of them as soon as possible, and found a lumber-man who made me anoffer which I accepted. 

Then I began traveling by rail, and hiring a livery team in each town. 

A few weeks later I returned to Ohio. On my way there I had to changecars at Jonesville, Michigan; and when I boarded the train on the MainLine I noticed, sitting in the second seat from the front door, my oldfriend the Clairvoyant Doctor. He looked as natural as the day I badehim good-bye at Pontiac, and was wearing the same old silk hat, swallow-tailed coat and plaid pants. There he sat, in his usualposition, chin resting on his gold-headed cane, the plug hat poised onthe back of his head, and eyes staring vacantly over his goldspectacles, which as usual were balancing across the end of his nose. 

My first impulse was to grasp him by the hand, but on second thought Ipassed on to the third seat behind him, and settled down. 

The train was soon under head-way, and I began wondering what I could doto have a little fun at his expense. 

Just as I was about to give up the idea for the want of an opportunity, the train slackened up at the next station. As it came to a halt andeverything was quiet, I yelled out at the top of my voice: "Change carsfor Pocahontas. "

The last word had scarcely left my lips when the old Doctor as quick aslightning jumped to his feet, and turning round with the speed of a cat, placed his cane on his seat, and with both hands resting on top of itand his hat on the back of his head, gave a wild, searching look overthe car with his spectacles still hanging on the end of his nose. I helda newspaper up in front of me as if interested in reading. A great manypeople laughed, but of course they could not appreciate the joke as Icould. The Doctor then resumed his seat, when I said in a loud tone ofvoice:

"If the majority of people had more brains and less impecuniosity theywould be better off in this world. "

At this the Doctor instantly jumped to his feet again and cried out:

"Johnston, you ---- red-headed hyena, where are you?"

I then shook him by the hand, and, after quickly relating a part of myexperience since leaving him, was informed that he had located in athriving town in Northern Indiana and was doing well, but had abandonedClairvoyance. As he was on his way to Toledo we had quite a chat. Ireferred to our late experience at Pocahontas, a portion of which heenjoyed immensely. 

When we arrived at Toledo he said he believed he would eat his supper atthe lunch-counter in the depot. Having about thirty minutes' time beforemy train left, and being a little hungry myself, besides wanting toprolong my visit with the Doctor, I decided to keep him company. He wasvery hungry and ordered a cold roasted quail with dressing, cold boiledeggs, biscuit, butter and coffee; while I ordered a ham sandwich andcoffee. 

He ate with a relish and spoke several times about the quail being sovery fine, and suggested that I try one. 

I told him I wasn't very hungry and didn't care for it. 

When we had about half finished our meal another gentleman came rushingup to the counter, and noticing several nicely roasted whole quail readyto serve said:

"Give me one of those quail. "

As the waiter handed it over he produced some change and asked how muchit was. 

"One dollar, sir, " replied the waiter. 

"Don't want it, don't want it, sir. I'll go up town and eat, " and off hewent. 

"Great ----!" screamed the Doctor, hopping about in his customary frisky, jumping-jack style, and dropping the piece of quail he held in hisfingers. "I shouldn't think he would want it. Why, Great Heavens! Great----! Who ever heard of such a ---- outrage. Think of it, Johnston, adollar for one of those ---- little quail, and they are hardly fit toeat. See here, waiter, do you think I am going to pay one dollar for aquail? I want you to understand I am from Indiana, and _I know_ whatquail are worth by the dozen. Why, you infernal robbers, they can bebought not a hundred miles from here for one dollar a dozen, and theywon't have been dead three months, either. Gentlemen, you have struckthe wrong man for once, indeed you have. I am no ---- fool; besides----"

"Yes, " I interrupted, addressing the waiter, "besides, this gentlemanused to wait on table himself in a hotel in Michigan, didn't you, Doctor?"

By this time several people had gathered around. He looked somewhatembarrassed for a moment, but instantly recovering himself and strikingthe lunch-counter with his fist, very excitedly cried out:

"No, sir; not by a ---- sight I don't have to wait table; if I did I'dnot work for a man who would dish up a tainted old quail worth eightcents and charge a dollar for it. Why, ---- it, Johnston, just think ofit--a dollar a dozen in Indiana and a dollar apiece here. "

"But, Doctor, go on and finish your meal. You seemed to be enjoying it alittle while ago, and spoke of the quail being very nice; and I amcertain you haven't more than half finished. Go ahead and eat. "

"Oh, eat be ----! I'm not hungry, and if I were I'd eat something besidesquail at twelve dollars a dozen. Good ----! If a quail comes to a dollarwhat in ---- nation do you suppose they'll charge for a full meal? It's---- robbery, and I'll not be robbed by them. I'll go down town and eat, as that other man did. "

"But, Doctor, what are you going to do? You have eaten about half ofthat quail, and I can't see how you expect to fix it. "

"Well, if quail are in such great demand as to be worth a dollar apiece, they will surely have use for any part of one, and if they wish to takeback what I have not eaten, and give me credit for it, I'll settle forthe balance. Otherwise I'll stand a lawsuit; for, ---- it, Johnston, Itell you I can buy them by the car-load in Indiana for one dollar a----"

"All aboard going east!" shouted the conductor, and, quickly settling mybill and bidding the Doctor good-bye, I left him and the waiter tosettle the quail question. 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 

A CO-PARTNERSHIP FORMED IN THE AUCTION BUSINESS--HOW IT ENDED--A NEWFRIEND--HIS GENEROSITY--EXHIBITING A TALKING MACHINE--IT FAILED TOTALK--HOW I ENTERTAINED THE AUDIENCE--IN THE ROLE OF A PHRENOLOGIST. 

On my return home I met an old acquaintance who had just sold out hisgrocery and was anxious to invest with me in the auction business. Wevery soon formed a co-partnership, he furnishing one thousand dollarsand I five hundred. 

We opened at Upper Sandusky, in a store room, with a stock of notions, hosiery and underwear, but from the very first began losing money. Theroads were very muddy, and it rained day in and day out. The weather waswarm and there was no demand for our goods. We moved from one town toanother with but poor success, hoping for cold weather and a demand forsox and underwear. However, "luck, " as we called it, was against us, andwhen spring came we invoiced and found ourselves with about six hundreddollars' worth of stock on hand. 

I then made clear to him that at the rate we had been losing money, wewould probably have about five hundred dollars cash after winding upprovided we commenced at once and sold out as soon as possible. Isuggested that we do so, and I would turn that amount over to him, whichwould leave us each just five hundred dollars out of pocket for thewinter's work. 

Hank said he was perfectly satisfied, and I should go on and close out, and he would go home and attend to other business. 

I worked into Indiana, and succeeded in finishing just about as we hadfigured on, for after sending him the last remittance to make up thefive hundred dollars, I had about four dollars in cash and an old trunkleft. 

Elkhart, Indiana, was the town I closed out in, and while stopping thereat the hotel I became acquainted with a physician and surgeon fromChicago, Dr. S. W. Ingraham, whose office is now on South Clark Street. 

He had been called there to perform a surgical operation, and beingobliged to spend an hour or two in the hotel office before taking areturn train, he became an interested listener to several stories toldby a couple of drummers and myself. He finally told one or two whichconvinced us that we had struck an old-timer. After we had related somepersonal experiences I learned, to my great delight, that the Doctor'sexperience had been almost as varied as my own. He began by relating thedifferent kinds of business he had engaged in while a young man; but hewas unable to mention a single thing that I hadn't embarked in and ofwhich I could show up a smattering of knowledge. 

Finally he said:

"Now, Johnston, I am going to head you off right here. "

"What is it, Doctor? I am anxious to know what it is. "

"Well sir, I'll bet you never made a political speech, and I stumpedOhio during one campaign and made one speech a night for ten consecutiveweeks. "

"I can beat that. I stumped Ohio for Hayes and Tilden, and made twospeeches on the platform for one consecutive night. "

"But how could you speak for Hayes and Tilden? One was a Democrat andthe other a Republican. "

"No matter, I did it anyhow, and all in the same speech, too. "

And to prove the correctness of my statement, as the Doctor seemed alittle incredulous, I jumped to my feet and delivered a part of myRepublican speech and then a part of the Democratic, and then headed himoff by relating my experience running a fruit stand, the three days witha side-show, besides one or two other ventures. When I told him I was anauctioneer he at once became interested in me, as he had been onehimself in his younger days. I quickly satisfied him that I could sellat auction, and he likewise convinced me that he "had been there. " Ithen narrated the ups and downs I had had, and showed up my books forthe winter's losses, and how I had just sent my late partner about allthe money I had. He asked my plans for the future. I told him about myfurniture polish, and that it was always a sure thing. He listenedattentively, and after a moment's reflection said:

"But the time of year is just coming when you could make money fast ifyou had a nice auction stock. "

"I know that; and another thing I know is just how to do it now, as Ihave paid well for my experience. "

"Well, " said the Doctor, surprising me as he reached down into hispocket and produced a roll of bills, "I am going to loan you one hundreddollars, and I know you will pay it back before three months. "

I thanked him, but told him fifty dollars would answer, as I could getalong nicely and would prefer to commence as low down as I dared. Heinsisted that a hundred would be none too much, but I declined to acceptmore than fifty, and immediately sent to Chicago for a stock of justsuch goods as I felt certain would sell well and not be too bulky. 

I assured the Doctor that if I were successful I would pay him back, andif I was not I would never cross the street to shun him when I came toChicago, but would surely call on him and acknowledge the debt, anyhow. 

I had heard and read of men like Doctor Ingraham, but he was the firstof his kind that I had ever met; and realizing that such friendshipcould not be valued too highly, I determined to not only repay him, butto let him have the satisfaction of knowing sooner or later that thestart he gave me had developed into something of consequence. 

After he bade me farewell and started for home, I was at a loss to knowwhat to do while waiting for my goods, and had almost concluded to havea few bottles of polish made up with which to make a few dollars, when ayoung man appeared at the hotel with a very peculiar-looking cylindricalinstrument in a box. I was curious to know what it was, and as he lookedrather tired and sorry, I ventured to inquire what he had in there. Heanswered:

"Oh, it's nothing but a 'talking machine. '"

I was fairly dumfounded, and thought perhaps he was casting a slur, as Ihad been doing considerable talking. At any rate I felt that whether hewas telling the truth or not, I had a right to take exceptions. 

[Illustration: EXHIBITING A PHONOGRAPH NEAR ELKHART, IND. --PAGE 505. ]

If he had meant to slur me, I would be insulted. 

If he had told the truth, I had a right to oppose unfair competition. 

I then demanded an explanation, and assured him that I did nothing else_but_ talk, and considered I had a perfect right to investigate any sortof a machine that would be at all likely to monopolize the business. 

He then took the cover off the box and showed me an Edison phonograph, which he had gotten in exchange for a horse. He had come on thereexpecting to meet his cousin, who was to furnish the money, and theywere going to travel and exhibit it. 

I asked him to "set 'er going" and let me hear it spout an hour or two. He said it would take several minutes to arrange it, besides he didn'tlike to use up any more tin foil than was necessary, as he hadn't muchon hand. 

I asked him what he thought of doing. He said he didn't know, butguessed he'd go back home if his cousin didn't come. 

"Why can't you and I give an exhibition?" I asked. 

"Where will we give it?"

"Suppose we go to some country school-house a few miles out and give ashow to-morrow evening?"

"All right, I'm willing. I have plenty of small hand-bills. "

"Then we'll hire a team to-morrow morning and drive out to somethickly-settled neighborhood and advertise it. You're sure it'll talk, are you?"

"Talk? You bet it'll talk!"

The next morning we were up and ready for business, and, after hiring ahorse and wagon, started out. 

After driving several miles, we found a place where we thought it wouldpay to stop, and upon inquiring for the school directors, were referredto a farmer living near by. 

We called on him, and after stating our business and promising himselfand family passes, were given an order on the school-teacher for thekey, when she had locked up for the day. We drove directly there, wherewe found nearly forty scholars in attendance. 

After making the teacher's acquaintance and explaining our business, shegave us permission to deliver a circular to each one present, and tomake an announcement. 

This I managed to do, and stated to them that if I had time after theperformance with the talking machine, I would deliver a lecture onTelegraphy, and explain the manner of sending messages, and howbatteries were made, and how long it would take a message to travel fromNew York to San Francisco. 

My idea, of course, was to represent as much of an attraction aspossible, as I felt certain that if we got them there, and got themachine to talking once, they would forget all about Telegraphy. 

On our way out my partner had drilled me on what to say to thePhonograph in order to have the words reproduced distinctly. He said itwas necessary to use a certain set of words that I could speak verydistinctly, and that would be penetrating, and recommended thefollowing:

 "Dickery-dickery-dock, The-mouse-ran-up-the-clock, The-clock-struck-one, And the-mouse-ran-down, Dickery-dickery-dock. "

After making arrangements at this school-house, we started out andvisited two other districts and advertised our performance. The resultwas that people came from all directions, in carriage and wagon loads. They had all heard or read of Edison's talking machine, and were anxiousto see and hear it. 

The house was packed, and we took in over forty dollars at the door. 

At eight o'clock I announced everything ready for the exhibition, andrequested all to remain as quiet as possible throughout the performance. 

Of course I was as ignorant of the manner of manipulating the talkingmachine as any one of the audience. 

I didn't know whether the thing had to be "blowed up" or "wound up, " andwas obliged to leave it all with my partner, who seemed perfectlyconfident of its success. 

After arranging the tin foil he took hold of the crank, began turning, and instructed me to place my mouth over the instrument and speak mylittle piece about the mouse and clock. After finishing, I stepped backto await results. 

He turned the crank, and the thing gave just one unearthly, agonizinggroan and, I imagined, rolled its eyes back, and gasping for breath, died a natural death. 

The audience showed a look of disappointment. I endeavored to convincethem by my careless, indifferent manner that it was only a commonoccurrence, and that all would soon be right. 

My partner tried to laugh it off and make believe it was a good joke, but I noticed very quickly large drops of perspiration standing on hisforehead as he busied himself in trying to fix the machine. 

At last he was ready to try it again, and instructed me to speak louderand more distinctly than I did before. I was determined that he shouldnot lay the blame to me for not talking loud enough, and therefore usedall the strength and power of lungs and voice that I could command. Theresult was less satisfactory than before, for not a sound could we getfrom it. 

The audience began to show impatience, and from different words andexpressions that came from them we were convinced that they were notgoing to submit easily to anything but an exhibition of some kind. 

By this time my partner had taken off his coat and vest, although it wasreally cold enough for an overcoat, and the perspiration was fairlydripping from him. He was much excited and I wasn't feeling any too gaymyself. 

We began working on the machine together, which gave us a chance toconverse in an undertone. I asked if he had ever tried to run it before. He said no, but he was certain he knew how. 

I told him it really looked as though he must have boarded and roomedwith Edison when he conceived the idea of making the thing. 

"Are you positively certain it ever did talk?"

"I know it has talked. "

"Did you ever hear it?"

"No, but my cousin did. "

"Great Scott, man! you don't know whether this is a Phonograph or awashing-machine; and I am certain it looks more like the latter. Whatare we going to do?"

He said he guessed we'd better give back the money and let them go. 

"Yes, that would be a bright thing! Do you suppose I'd give back thismoney? Not much. "

"Well, but we'll have to. What can we do?"

"What can we do? Well sir, we've got to do something to entertain thesepeople and hold their money, if you and I have to give them a doublesong and dance. "

"My gracious, Johnston, I can't dance!"

"But you have got to dance. I can't dance either, but this is a'ground-hog case, ' and we've got to dance and sing too. "

"I guess I'll announce to them that you will favor them with a song andsingle clog, and then we will appear together. "

As I stepped to the table I heard him say:

"I'll take my hat and run!"

Then, stepping to the front, I said:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you will be patient with us a fewmoments. The trouble is just this: We brought the Phonograph over herein an open wagon, and as the weather has been cold and damp, and weforgot to keep the thing blanketed, it took a severe cold, which seemsto have settled on its lungs, rendering it unable to speak above awhisper. But with your kind indulgence we hope to doctor it up and beready to give you a nice exhibition in a few moments. "

Of course I expected our audience to laugh at and ridicule the idea ofits taking cold, and was surprised that not a single person cracked asmile, but, on the contrary, every one seemed to gaze at the instrumentwith a look of sympathy. 

When I returned to my partner, who was still trying to fix it, he wasnervous and showed much agitation, and said:

"Oh, what a relief. I would have sunk through the floor if you hadannounced what you said you were going to. "

"Do you think you can fix it?"

"It don't look like it. Say, Johnston, suppose you deliver that lectureon Photography?"

"On Telegraphy, you mean. "

"Oh yes, Telegraphy. Go ahead. "

"But it won't take three minutes to tell all I know about that. "

"Well then, by Jove, we've got to give back the money. "

"Not much! No giving back the money with me; and as I sold the ticketsand have the cash, you can rely on that. You have got to do something toentertain these people. You can sing can't you?"

"Indeed I can not. "

"Can you whistle?"

"No, sir. "

"Can you do anything? Can you speak a piece?"

"Johnston, if my life was at stake I couldn't do a thing! ---- the oldtalking machine anyhow! I wish--"

"Say, I'll tell you what we'll do. I'll announce to them that thePhonograph is too sick to talk, and will give them a choice of threethings: Either a lecture on Phrenology or Telegraphy, or an imitation ofa Yankee peddler selling his wares at auction; and the moment I say'auction' you look up and begin to laugh and clap your hands and say, 'Johnston, give them the Yankee peddler; that's the best of all. '"

He agreed, and when I made the announcement he had no sooner carriedout my instructions than the whole house cried as with one voice:

"Yes, yes, give us the Yankee peddler!"

Then I felt relieved and knew we had them. I then explained that Yankeepeddlers usually carried handkerchiefs, sox, hosiery, shears, shoe-laces, suspenders, soap, pencils, pins, razors, knives, etc. , andif some one of the crowd would name any article, I would go through theformality of selling it on the down east Dutch auction style. 

A lad sitting near me on a front seat cried out:

"Here, Mister, play you are selling my knife, " and reaching out andtaking it in my hand, after making a few preliminary remarks, I beganwith the twang of the almost extinct down east Yankee, and in ahigh-pitched voice and at lightning speed, rattled off:

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, the first article I am going to offer foryour inspection is a fine silver-steel blade knife with amother-of-pearl handle, brass lined, round-joint tapped and riveted tiptop and bottom a knife made under an act of Congress at the rate ofthirty-six dollars per dozen there is a blade for every day in the weekand a handle for your wife to play with on Sunday it will cut cast-ironsteam steel wind or bone and will stick a hog frog toad or the devil andhas a spring on it like a mule's hind leg and sells in the regular wayfor--"

I then went on with my usual plan of selling, and introduced the endlessvariety of sayings and jokes which I had been two years manufacturingand collecting, and then went on through the whole list of Yankeenotions, giving my full description of everything, to the greatsatisfaction of my audience and the surprise of my partner, who was inignorance of the fact of my ever having been in the auction business. 

I kept this up for over two hours and kept the crowd laughing almostconstantly. This, I considered, was about as much as any show could do, and felt that I was not only entitled to their money, but that I hadstruck quite a novel way of utilizing my knowledge of auctioneering. 

After closing the entertainment the people gathered around, and many ofthem wanted me to stay in the neighborhood and deliver a lecture thenext night on Phrenology. But as we were billed at Elkhart for thatdate, it was impossible to do so. We remained over night with the schooldirector, and the next morning he requested me to delineate thecharacter of his son by an examination of his head. 

I had always been interested in the study of human nature, andconsequently had taken considerable pains to read up and post myself onPhysiognomy. I had a fair knowledge of temperaments, and altogether wasenabled to pass fair judgment on the lad. While I hadn't the slightestknowledge of Phrenology, I was more or less familiar with the terms usedby them, such as benevolence, veneration, firmness, self-esteem, approbativeness, caution, combativeness, ideality, etc. , etc. , and beganat once to delineate the boy's character. 

When I placed my fingers on the front part of the boy's head and lookedwise, saying "large combativeness, " the father said:

"Great Cæsar! do you locate combativeness in the front of the head?"

"Who in thunder said it was in the front of the head?"

"But you put your fingers on the front part of the head. "

"Yes, possibly so, but if I did my thumb was at the same time restingon the bump of combativeness. My gracious, any one knows where that is!"

This satisfied him, and the whole family were delighted with the boy'sprospects when I had finished. 

We were then ready to leave, and when I asked how much our bill wouldbe, he said he guessed two dollars would be about right, and theninquired what my charges would be for examining the boy's head. I toldhim two dollars and a half was the usual price, but we'd call it squareon our board bill. He said he thought it would be about right to call iteven. 

My partner thought it the most wonderful thing he had ever heard of thatI should be able to jump up before that large crowd of people, as I didthe night before, and conjure up such a lot of talk on notions, and hecouldn't see how I did it. He said he believed I was inspired. 

On our return to Elkhart we divided our cash and dissolved partnership. 

CHAPTER XXIX. 

IN THE AUCTION BUSINESS AGAIN--A NEW CONVEYANCE FOR STREET SALES--MYTRIP THROUGH THE LUMBER REGIONS--A SUCCESSFUL SUMMER CAMPAIGN--AWINTER'S TRIP THROUGH THE SOUTH--MY RETURN TO GRAND RAPIDS, MICH. --ATRIP TO LAKE SUPERIOR--SELLING NEEDLES AS A SIDE ISSUE--HOW I DIDIT--STATE LICENSE DEMANDED BY AN OFFICER--HOW I TURNED THE TABLES ONHIM--BUYING OUT A COUNTRY STORE--A GREAT SALE OF PAPER CAMBRIC DRESSPATTERNS--A COMPROMISE WITH THE BUYERS--MY RETURN TO CHICAGO--FLUSH ANDFLYING HIGH. 

As my goods had arrived at Elkhart, I started out immediately, sellingfrom a trunk, and met with splendid success. I concluded to make a tripnorth, through the lumber country. As my facilities were going to bepoor for hiring livery teams in the majority of those towns, withwhich to drive out upon the streets to make a sale, I began trying toinvent something to take with me on which to put my trunks when selling. 

One day I saw a gentleman pushing a two-wheeled cart, and it occurred tome that I could put end-boards on it, and after placing a trunk on eachend I could stand up very nicely in the center, which would bring me atjust about the proper height above my audience. 

Acting accordingly, I bought the cart, and after having the end-boardsput on and a standard made to fasten at the rear end of the box to keepthe thing from tipping backward, I bought another trunk and made "apitch" with it. 

[Illustration: MY UNIQUE CONVEYANCE IN THE MINING AND LUMBER CAMP. --PAGE523. ]

It was just the thing. I could give the baggage-men on the trains fromtwenty-five to fifty cents each time I made a trip and when I arrived atmy destination it would be thrown off with my trunks. I was thereaftertroubled no more with the annoyance of procuring a suitable conveyanceto sell from. 

I traveled through the lumber country in Michigan and very soon remittedmy new friend, Doctor Ingraham, the full amount of my indebtedness, andexplained to him my new plan which was saving me lots of money in liveryhire. 

His reply, acknowledging the receipt of the money, did me more goodthan the making of a small fortune would have done. He assured me thatif I ever needed assistance I could always depend on him, as he liked agood "hus'ler" and liked to favor them all he could, when he knew theywere square. 

My wife joined me a few weeks later, leaving little Frankie with mymother. She traveled with me all summer and business kept fairly good. We continued on till fall, when she returned to Ohio and I went South tothe climate my mother had previously recommended as adapted to strawhats and linen dusters. 

I remained there during the winter, meeting with fair success, andreturned to Grand Rapids, Michigan, where I remained a few weeks. 

On May first my wife met me there, when we started on a trip to the LakeSuperior country, visiting all the mining towns and meeting withunusually good success. 

During the entire trip I paid all our traveling expenses with the saleof needles. This I managed by employing four small boys each day inevery town to peddle them for me. I put the needles up in twenty-fivecent packages, and gave each boy five cents commission per package onhis sales, and always made it a point to select not more than one boyfrom any particular neighborhood or locality, and instructed him to callon every relative and neighbor he had, and if possible make a sale; andfor every extra day I remained in town I would employ a new set of boys. In this way I managed to reach almost every house in every town Ivisited, and although my time was almost wholly occupied in keeping myauction stock in shape, I was able to manage this little scheme so as tonet me a regular profit of from three to ten dollars per day. 

I still kept my two-wheeled cart, which I could hardly have dispensedwith in a country where horses and carriages were scarce. We pushed ourway toward the north, with but few incidents worthy of mention. 

At Sault St. Marie we were obliged to remain five days before getting aboat to Marquette, and the first night I opened my sale there was calledupon by an officer who demanded a State license. This was the first timeI had ever been asked for State license, and the first intimation I hadever had that there was a law requiring it. But as Governor Crosswelland staff were then visiting the town and were at that moment sitting onthe porch of the hotel witnessing my sale, it instantly occurred to methat the gentleman was making himself over-officious, with a view tomaking a favorable impression upon the State officials. 

And as he showed considerable awkwardness in demanding a license byinquiring if I had State license to sell, I quickly "sized him up" andsaid:

"No sir, I have no license to sell, but I have soap and fine tooth combsfor sale, and the Lord knows you need them more than you do a license. "

He appeared considerably offended and displaying his star said:

"I demand your license, sir!"

"Do you understand the laws regarding your duty as an officer?"

"I think I do, sir. "

"Then, sir, you know you have no right, under the law, to ask me for alicense. Your only course is to make inquiries of the Secretary ofState, and as that official is sitting right there on the porch, notmore than twenty feet from here, I'll refer you to him; but unless youare prepared to pay damages don't you interrupt me again, for I wantyou to distinctly understand that my license entitles me to theprivilege of doing all the talking there is done here to-night, and Ipropose to do it. If you have anything to say, you must go outside thecorporation. "

I resumed business immediately, when I heard the officer say (as hepassed out, amid the hisses and laughter of my audience):

"I'll see a lawyer about this. "

The next day I interviewed the Governor and the State Secretary andTreasurer, and was informed that there was a law requiring the paymentof fifteen dollars per annum for State license. 

I prevailed upon them to allow me to pay the amount to them and receivea receipt for it to show I had acted in good faith, and they were toforward my license to me at Marquette. 

The next night, just as I had gotten nicely started with my sale, thesame officer came up again and demanded my license, saying he had spentsome time with a good lawyer in looking up the law, and he knew it washis duty to demand a license of me direct. I said:

"Well, if you'll jump up here and hand out these boxes of soap, so asnot to interfere with my sale, I'll go inside and get my license. "

He agreed, and climbed into the cart, when I stepped back in the crowdand began urging every one about me to patronize him as much aspossible, and explained to them that I intended to stay away and let himworry it out till he got tired. He made several sales and then began tolook anxious and silly. I still kept in the background and he sent a boyinto the hotel to learn my whereabouts. The lad returned with theinformation that I had not been there since I opened my sale. 

After the crowd had laughed at him and the small boys had "guyed" himtill he was ready to quit, I stepped up briskly and said:

"Mister, have you got either State or city license to act as anauctioneer, or to hawk goods upon the street at public sale?"

He said he didn't need any. 

"Very well, sir, " I said as I climbed in the cart and forced him out, "as this is America, where one man's rights are as good as another's, Iguess I can get along without license if you can. "

The crowd laughed again and he stepped off without molesting mefurther. The only satisfaction I experienced was that of beating him athis own game, and I had gotten rid of him without having to show up myreceipt. 

When it was given to me by one of the State officials, he remarked thatwhile he didn't think I would be likely to get into any difficulty solong as I could show it up, he was certain that by law I had noauthority to sell till I had procured the license. I therefore thoughtbest to avoid showing my receipt till the very last resort. I madeseveral other sales there, but was not molested again. 

Our next town was Marquette, where our success was far beyond ourexpectation. I remember the first night I sold there, just as I hadstarted in and was having a big run, a tall, slim man with a veryintelligent face and a large, red nose, but rather roughly dressed, camerushing through the crowd, swearing at the top of his voice and callingme all manner of names. I shouted at the very top of my voice:

"Stop, sir! Stop right where you are!" And as he obeyed me I said:

"Don't you advance another step, sir! If you open your mouth again I'llhave you arrested!"

"Hic--hic--what for?"

"For violating the revenue law, " I quickly answered, discovering he wasintoxicated. 

"Hic-for-hic-for violating the revenue law, did you say?"

"Yes sir, that's what; and as sure as you open your mouth again I'llhave you arrested. You are old enough and have had experience enough toknow better than to come out here on Main Street and open a rum-holewithout paying license!"

The crowd yelled and screamed and whooped and shouted with unusualenthusiasm, which at once convinced me that I had struck somethingdifferent from the ordinary, and my opinion was fully confirmed when hecommenced to laugh, and stepping within my reach began buying my goodsas fast as I could hand them to him. He never opened his mouth, but keptreaching for the goods as fast as I could count them and pass them out, and handed me a dollar for each sale, as I was selling in dollar lots. This he kept up till he had loaded himself and several friends, andstarted off, saying he would be back the next night. 

After he left I was informed that he was worth several millions, whichhe had made in iron and copper mines. 

The next night I went out with my cart rather early, as usual, andlighted my torches and returned to the hotel to await the regular timefor opening. When I came out again I was surprised to see every windowin every building around me occupied by nicely dressed ladies, and thestreets filled with handsome horses drawing carriages occupied, as Icould see, by a well-to-do class of people. 

It was remarked by many the next day that there never had been as largea crowd gathered on the street at one time before, and the result of mysale, which was three times larger than any I had ever before had, proved to me what a little free advertising could do. 

I looked in vain, as did also many of my audience, for the rich miner, but he didn't come. 

We continued on towards the copper country, working the iron miningtowns on our way, arriving at Houghton the middle of July. 

The next day after making my first sale there, I was walking downstreet, and when passing a store room a gentleman came to the door andsaid:

"You're just the man that ought to buy me out and sell the goods atauction. "

"What have you got?"

"I have everything--boots, shoes, suits of clothes, overcoats, dishes, notions and I don't know what I haven't got. "

I asked his reason for selling. He replied that it was a stock that hadgone through a fire, and he had bought it for a few hundred dollars andwas then six hundred dollars ahead, and would sell the balance cheap. Istepped inside and after glancing over the stock asked his price. 

"Six hundred dollars. "

"I'll give you just twenty-five per cent. Of that, and no more, " andstarted to walk out. 

"I'll take two hundred fifty. "

"No sir, " taking a roll of money from my pocket and showing it to him, "one hundred and fifty, and your cash in your fingers. "

"All right, count it out. "

"But step to the Recorder's office and assure me that there is nomortgage on your stock and that it belongs to you, and after giving me abill of sale your money is ready. "

He did so, and I made the purchase. 

In this stock was a quantity of paper cambric of all colors, and whenthe firemen were trying to put out the fire they had deluged it, andthe result was that the water had soaked through it and had carried withit all the colors, leaving each piece variegated. 

I was at a loss to know what to do with it, and finally concluded to cutit up into dress patterns of sixteen and two-thirds yards and then giveone pattern away with each dollar sale that evening when I sold atauction. 

That night, before opening my sale, I picked up one of the pieces, andhanding one end of it to a boy, requested him to run down the streetwith it till he got it all straightened out. While the boy was holdingto one end and I to the other, I went on and explained that I had thatday bought out Mr. ----, and as I had no knowledge of the dry-goodsbusiness and couldn't tell a piece of calico from an Irish tarpaulin, that they must not blame me if I sold them silk for Canton flannel. 

Besides the paper cambric I had a lot of other pieces of dress goods, which were in good shape and which I intended to sell to the highestbidder. 

Just as I was about to inaugurate my gift enterprise scheme, somegentleman of German descent cried out in broken English:

"Swei dollar. "

I at once yelled:

"Sold for two dollars, and who will have the next sixteen and two-thirdsyards for two dollars?"

"I'll take 'em, " "I'll take 'em, " "Here, " "Here, " "Give me one, " "Giveme one, " they all shouted at once, and the two-dollars were as thick ashailstones in less than a second. I stood there and tossed out the dresspatterns and caught their two-dollar bills and silver pieces like aChinese juggler. After I had cleaned out every dollar's worth of thecambric I said:

"Gentlemen, I am going to be frank with you now, and advise you not torepresent to your wives that you have any great bargain in these dresspatterns, for they may be better posted than any of us are. But I'lltell you what I'll do, boys. If you are dissatisfied now I'll give youtwo dollars' worth of any other goods I have, and take the dresspatterns back; or if your wives are not satisfied they can come to thestore to-morrow at ten o'clock and I'll give them two dollars' worth ofany goods I have in exchange for the patterns. "

They agreed that that was fair, and all stayed and I made a splendidsale of notions. 

The next day, at two o'clock, I went down to the store and found acrowd of women large enough to fill a small circus tent. Each one had adress pattern, and as I passed by to unlock the door each had somethingto say. The crowd was composed of all classes--Polish, Norwegian, Irish, German, Cornish, etc. The Irish, with their sharp tongues and quick wit, were predominant, and all together they had considerable sport inrelating what their husbands had to say when they brought home the dresspatterns and learned that those same goods had been offered forone-fourth of a cent a yard ever since the fire. I took every piece backand allowed them to trade it out. I employed two young men to help methat afternoon and took down each lady's name and then jumped up andmade an auction sale to them. We kept each lady's purchase by itself, and after the sale had a final settlement with them, many of whom hadbought enough to bring them considerably in my debt. 

This was one of the very best advertisements for me, as it convinced thepeople that I would do by them as I agreed; and they all considered it agood joke, and the afternoon sale having made me acquainted with manywomen, I had no trouble in getting a large crowd every night who boughtfreely. 

After making several sales at Houghton I packed up and went over toHancock and Red Jacket, where I met with flattering success. As nearlyas I could estimate it, I cleared about twelve hundred dollars on myinvestment of one hundred and fifty. 

I sold nearly everything at an advance on the regular first cost, butwhen I came to look through the boxes and drawers and sort all the goodscontained in my new stock, I was much surprised and greatly pleased. 

I remained at Red Jacket six weeks, making sales every night. 

On the first of September, as it had begun to get cold up there, and infact had twice snowed a very little the last of August, we returned toChicago, when I immediately called on my friend Doctor Ingraham. Hedidn't recognize me until I took a large roll of bills, containing overthree thousand dollars, from my pocket and said:

"Doctor, I would be pleased to loan you a hundred dollars and I'll betyou will pay it back in less than three months. "

"O-ho, Johnston, you have got to the front, haven't you? How areyou?--how are you?" shaking me warmly by the hand. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXX. 

BUYING OUT A LARGE STOCK OF MERCHANDISE--ON THE ROAD AGAIN--SIX WEEKS INEACH TOWN--MUDDY ROADS AND POOR TRADE--CLOSING OUT AT AUCTION--SAVED MYCREDIT BUT COLLAPSED--PEDDLING POLISH AND JEWELRY--WHOLESALINGJEWELRY--FIFTY DOLLARS AND LOTS OF EXPERIENCE MY STOCK IN TRADE--TALL"HUS'LING" AND GREAT SUCCESS--AN OFFER FROM A WHOLESALE JEWELRYFIRM--DECLINED WITH THANKS--HUS'LING AGAIN--GREAT SUCCESS. 

Now that I had made considerable money and had it in cash I determinedon doing two things. 

The first, was to arrange with some wholesale jewelry house to furnishme with what stock I needed, at a small advance above the manufacturers'price, to travel on the road and supply the retail trade--as I had nevergiven up the idea of some day becoming a wholesale jeweler. 

The second, was to return immediately to Bronson, Michigan, and Clyde, Ohio, and pay all of my debts, which had been running a long time. Withthe first object in view I set out to find headquarters for purchasingmy jewelry, and succeeded in finding a dealer who offered mesatisfactory prices. After looking his goods over and coming to anunderstanding with him, I informed him that I was going east for a fewdays, and on my return would select a stock of goods and start out. 

My wife and I then packed our trunks, and had bought our tickets readyfor a start, when I happened to pick up a paper and read anadvertisement offering four thousand dollars' worth of goods for twothousand dollars. I thought it a good idea to make a couple of thousandmore before starting east, if I could just as well as not, and called onthe advertiser. 

I first demanded to know if the stock was clear of incumbrance; and whenconvinced that it was, I looked it over, and although it looked to melike ten thousand dollars' worth, I laughed at the fellow for havingcheek enough to ask two thousand dollars for it. 

He asked how much I thought it was worth. 

I offered five hundred dollars. 

He offered to take eighteen hundred. 

"Well, sir, we are only thirteen hundred dollars apart, and I'll splitthe difference with you and pay the cash. "

So saying, I "flashed" my roll of money, when he agreed to myproposition. 

After I had made the purchase I asked the gentleman (who was a German)why he had sold so cheap. He informed me that his uncle had recentlydied in Germany, and left him a large fortune; and he was anxious to gothere and spend the balance of his life. 

His explanation satisfied me, and I began packing up the goods ready forshipment. 

We gave up our trip east, and after buying nearly two thousand dollars'worth of almost all kinds of goods, such as tin-ware, glass-ware, crockery, woolen goods, etc. , to put with the miscellaneous line I hadjust bought, we started out for the country towns with a large stock, and advertised to sell at private sale only, and to remain but six weeksin each town. My reason for giving up the auction sales was this: I hadbegun to have some trouble with my throat, and was advised by the doctorto do no more auctioneering for at least six months. 

We continued on with our large stock of goods and traveled through asection of country where the mud was so deep during the fall and winterthat it took four horses to haul an empty lumber wagon. 

We tried to get into a country where the farmers could occasionally getto town, but the farther we traveled the deeper the mud kept getting. Itusually took about all the money I could take in at one town to payfreights and the expense of moving to the next. 

I had established a very good commercial standing with several wholesalehouses in Chicago with whom I had been dealing, and felt anxious to makea success, if for no other reason than to sustain my credit. This Irealized was an important feature in building up a business of any kind. 

After remaining in Illinois and Indiana till spring, I decided to workmy way back into Michigan, where I felt certain of finding good roads, if nothing else. 

The first day of April found us at Plainwell, Michigan, with a verylight stock of goods and a small roll of money. After taking a carefulinventory of my stock, and figuring up my liabilities, I at once sawthat if I could sell out and receive one hundred cents on the dollar atwhat I had invoiced, I could just about pay my debts to the wholesalehouses, and I decided to make an auction sale and close out immediately, and thus save my credit. 

By the first of May I had succeeded in selling out everything Ipossessed; and after paying up all of my Chicago debts, had but a fewdollars left. 

Of course my first thought was Furniture Polish. But on the very daywhen I was about to order some of the preparation put up, I happenedinto the express office, and there saw on the shelf a package of jewelryaddressed to my name. 

It was an order I had given before deciding to close out, and when itcame I refused to take it, instructing the agent to return to theshipper. He had neglected to do this, and when I asked him why, helaughed and said he thought best to hold it awhile and see if I wouldn'tconclude to take it. 

At this simple suggestion it instantly occurred to me that I could makegood use of such goods by selling to the people about the hotels where Itraveled. I therefore accepted the package, and after looking it over, which in all amounted to less than fifty dollars' worth, I hired acarpenter to make me a sample case, for which I paid him five dollars. After arranging my goods nicely in the trays, we started on the road. Ihad with me also two dozen bottles of the "Incomprehensible" as a sortof stand-by. 

We visited several towns where I "hus'led" out with the polish, meetingwith fair success as usual, and managed to sell a piece of jewelryoccasionally, which netted a fair profit. 

At White Cloud, Michigan, I called at the drug store of A. G. Clark &Co. To make a small purchase. When in conversation with Mr. Clark Imentioned that I was in the jewelry business and would be pleased toshow him my goods. He said he had never handled jewelry in connectionwith his drugs, and had no idea it would pay. I persisted, however, inshowing him my line, till he at last consented, when I hastened to thehotel for my sample case and returned at once. 

When I opened the case, containing about two dozen empty trays and onlythree trays of goods, Mr. Clark looked rather disgusted, and asked whereI hailed from. I reported myself on my way _in_, and was closing out mysamples and delivering on the spot. 

"Oh, I see; that accounts for your empty trays. "

"Certainly. "

He began picking out a few pieces, and kept it up till he had selectedwhat he considered enough for a fair stock, and asked me to make out abill. 

I did so, and billed it on a piece of brown paper, calling to mind myjewelry experience of years before. The amount was twenty-nine dollars, which he paid and I receipted in full. 

If Mr. Clark reads this book it will no doubt be the first intimation hehas ever had that he was my first customer; and as he is still inbusiness there, and has a large show-case full of jewelry, which hetakes pride in keeping replenished often, and always favors me whenplacing his orders, I take it for granted that he has never had occasionto regret his first investment in that line. 

I then called on another dealer and sold eight dollars' worth. 

When I returned to the hotel I made known my success to my wife, anddeclared my intention of sticking to it. She reminded me that I hadalways contended that it required large capital; and wondered how Icould expect to succeed with a fifty-dollar stock then, when I wasunable to get along with several times that amount years before. 

I told her I thought she was mistaken about my stock in trade, andassured her that my present stock was fifty times larger than when Itried it before. In considerable astonishment she asked me what I meant. 

"I mean that _experience_ should be invoiced as stock in trade; and as Ihave had lots of it since my first experiment, I am going to fill up twotrays in my sample case with jewelry, and in each one of the empty traysI'll put a card with the word 'experience' written on it; and if amerchant laughs at my goods I'll explain that my stock consists ofjewelry and experience, but that I am only selling the jewelry, andkeeping the experience for my own use. "

This plan was carried out; and in every instance when I called on amerchant and displayed all of my trays on his counter, he would take thecards up one after the other, and after reading the word "experience" oneach and every one, would ask its meaning. I always explained that I hadmore experience than capital, and as I valued it very highly, Iconsidered it perfectly legitimate to figure it as stock in trade. Thisgenerally brought a smile from them, and as a rule seemed to work to mybenefit. At any rate, I sold jewelry to almost every dealer I calledupon. 

As I was then owing my wholesaler fifty dollars for the first bill, Iat once ordered several small packages sent on ahead of me C. O. D. Todifferent towns, and as I came to them would take them up. 

This gave me a chance for some "tall hus'ling, " and I made the most ofit. 

I began by showing up my jewelry early in the morning to clerks orporters at the hotel, and in the evening before retiring, to the hotelgirls. 

As soon as the stores were opened I visited every merchant in town, andsold to Jewelers, Grocers, dealers in Dry Goods and Hardware, Druggists, Restaurants, Milliners, in short, to every one who had a show-case. 

At noon I would open up in the hotel office, ostensibly to arrange myjewelry, but for no other purpose than to attract the attention ofboarders or guests to my stock of goods. 

Whenever they asked to buy I would assume an air of independence andindifference, and quote the price of every article by the dozen, and wassure to mention that it was the wholesale price. Of course almost everyone was anxious to buy at wholesale, and I had no trouble in disposingof goods. 

When at the depots awaiting trains I always got into the good graces ofthe Telegraph Operator by convincing him that I could read readily fromhis instrument, and usually sold him an article of jewelry, and oftenseveral dollars' worth. I might add here that in traveling about thecountry it was quite entertaining to listen to every telegraphinstrument, while waiting for trains, and consequently I kept in fairpractice. As I still cling to that habit, I find little difficulty, evennow, in reading rapidly. 

When going from place to place on the cars, I made it a point to "spot"my man as soon as I entered the car, and managed to either get into thesame seat with him or one very near; and before I was fairly settled Iwould find it necessary to open my sample case, and if possible wouldask my would-be victim to hold some of the trays while I arranged a fewgoods in the bottom of my case. It was never necessary for me to offerto sell to them, as they were usually eager to look through my stock, and very anxious to buy when informed that I was a wholesaler. 

It used to amuse me to come in contact with the high-salaried drummers, upon whose personal sales their houses solely depended for success, andsee them spend a large share of their valuable time in "gettingacquainted" with some prominent merchant prior to inviting him to thehotel to see their samples, which only for the disgrace of carryingtheir cases from store to store they would have had with them. It wasalways an easy matter for me to frustrate this class of salesmen intheir schemes of getting acquainted, as I always had my sample caseready to spring open at the very first opportunity; and as I usuallymanaged to get the floor, and almost invariably did all the talking, the"box, " as a rule, was opened up to the merchant on short notice; andalthough I considered a sale half made when this was accomplished, Inever quit talking or quit pushing sales, and always hurried my customerthrough as fast as possible, and as soon as finished bade him good-byeand left his store. 

Many a good sale I made in this way while my modest, sleek, forty-dollar-a-month friend stood by and wondered how long I had beenacquainted with the proprietor. 

We traveled through Michigan, visiting the same towns we had soldauction goods in the year before; and wherever I traveled, the moment Iwould step off the cars I would hear such remarks as these from men andboys:

"There's the auction man. We'll have a circus to-night; he can talk aman to death in five minutes. Wonder what he's got in that box. "

In about thirty days from the day I made my first sale of jewelry Iarrived at Cheboygan, Michigan; and upon taking an inventory of stockand cash, found I had cleared just six hundred and twenty-five dollarsover and above all our expenses. 

On calling for my mail at this place I received a letter from theproprietor of the wholesale house I had been dealing with, requesting meto come to Chicago at once, as they had a very important proposition tomake to me. When I returned to the hotel I met my wife in the hall andsaid: "Flo. , I guess _G. & S. _ want to take me in partnership with them;at any rate they have written me to come to Chicago, and I think we'dbetter start at once. "

We boarded a small steamer for Traverse City, where we took the steamer"City of Traverse, " and after about forty-eight hours' ride arrived inChicago, and I immediately called on the firm with a feeling of almostabsolute assurance that thirty minutes later would find me a member ofthe concern. After shaking hands and passing the time of day, one of thefirm called me into his private office and informed me that they hadconcluded to put me on the road at a stipulated salary. 

"But I never work on a salary. It's against my principles and ideas ofbusiness. "

"Yet you would certainly prefer a sure thing, wouldn't you, Johnston?"

"No, sir; not a bit of it. I wouldn't snap my finger for a sure thing. There is no fun, excitement or satisfaction in a sure thing, and worsestill, no money in it. "

"Well, you wouldn't refuse an extra good offer, would you?"

"Yes, sir, I think I would. "

"Do you mean to say that money wouldn't hire you?"

"Oh, no. I don't say that. "

"Well, now just stop to consider, Johnston, how many years you have beenworking for yourself; and how much are you worth?"

"Indeed, Mr. S. , I am worth more than you are, to-day. "

"How so?"

"Experience. "

"Experience? Do you claim that as capital?"

"Indeed I do, sir, and worth more than all your store. I have beenseveral years getting ready to make money, while you have been making itbefore you got ready. I have had too many ups and downs in my early lifenot to be able to profit by at least some of them sooner or later; and Ican't afford now to go to work for you on a salary, and give you thebenefit of all these years' experience. Not much, sir, and I'll justkeep 'hus'ling. ' If I can't win, I can die in the cause. "

"But the probabilities are, you will never get enough ahead to start abusiness of your own, and will always keep in the same old rut. "

"But I am not the 'rutty' kind, Mr. S. Besides, I dislike to work forany one but Johnston. "

"Well, let's see how much it will take to hire you for a year. "

"Very well; you mark on a piece of paper how much you will give, andI'll mark how much I'll take. "

He agreed, and assured me he was going to make me an extra good offerfor a new-beginner. When we had both put down our figures we threw ourpapers on the desk. He had marked six hundred dollars a year andexpenses, and I had put down thousand dollars and expenses. 

I asked, with much astonishment, if he didn't mean thousands, and he, with equal astonishment, asked if I didn't mean hundreds. 

On my assuring him that I meant just what I had put down, he asked onwhat basis I figured. I answered, on the basis of having cleared oversix hundred dollars the first month, on a capital of fifty dollars'worth of goods and one million dollars' worth of experience. 

"Great Heavens! have you cleared that much since you commenced?"

I convinced him by showing my stock and cash on hand. He said he knew, of course, that I had been selling a great many goods, but he supposed Ihad done so by cutting prices. 

I at once made arrangements to start out again. 

The firm offered me a limited credit of one hundred dollars, which Iaccepted, realizing that some day I would find it convenient to havesome one to refer to in case I should get in shape to begin business formyself. 

My wife again accompanied me, and we returned to Northern Michigan andbegan with excellent sales. I delivered all my goods on the spot, andsold exclusively for cash. 

We continued on in this manner till fall, visiting almost every town inNorthern Michigan and Wisconsin, when I had increased my stock toseveral hundred dollars, and was making money fast. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXXI. 

ROBBED OF A TRUNK OF JEWELRY--ONLY A SMALL STOCK LEFT--A TERRIBLECALAMITY--COLLAPSED--AN EMPTY SAMPLE-CASE MY SOLE POSSESSION--PEDDLINGPOLISH AGAIN--MAKING A RAISE--UNINTENTIONAL GENEROSITY BREAKS MEUP--MEETING AN OLD PARTNER--THE JOBBER SUPPLIES ME WITHJEWELRY--HUS'LING AGAIN WITH GREAT SUCCESS--MAKING SIX HUNDRED DOLLARSIN ONE DAY--MY HEALTH FAILS ME--I RETURN TO OHIO--A PHYSICIAN GIVES MEBUT TWO YEARS TO LIVE--HOW I FOOLED HIM. 

As cold weather was approaching, my wife concluded to return to Chicago, and I proceeded towards the Northwest. At Duluth I received two largepackages of new goods, which came C. O. D. , and which took nearly my lastdollar. 

I carried with me a leather trunk in which to keep my reserved stock, and as I had but a few moments' spare time, after receiving the goodsat Duluth, before the train left for Aiken, Minnesota, I put all of mynew goods in the leather trunk, leaving but a small stock in my samplecase. I then checked the trunk to Aiken, where I arrived at one o'clockin the morning. 

From force of habit I had become accustomed to stepping forward towardsthe baggage car, whenever I alighted at a depot, to see that my baggagewas taken off; and this time not being an exception, I remained standingby till I saw my trunk taken off and set to one side, when I proceededto the hotel. 

I expected to have a porter return to the depot and assist me incarrying it to the hotel, but on reaching there found a cheapfourth-rate house, with not less than fifty or sixty drunken woodsmen, and at once decided that the jewelry would be safer at the depot thanthere, and retired without it. 

The next morning I presented my check and was informed that there was nopiece of baggage there with a corresponding number. I told thebaggage-man that I saw him take it off and set it on the platform. 

He was sure he had never seen it, and at once accompanied me toBrainerd, where the general baggage-agent's report showed that the trunkhad been reported taken off at Aiken; the agent at this place thenproduced the duplicate to my check, and stated that the conductor of thetrain on which I had come from Duluth had found it on the rear end ofthe hind car, just after leaving Aiken. The superintendent tookimmediate steps towards having the matter ferreted out, and very kindlygave me a pass over the road. 

It was plain to be seen that the baggage-man at Aiken had gathered upsome other pieces of baggage and carried them inside, and left mine onthe outside, when a couple of men picked it up, and putting it on therear end of the car, rode a mile or two upgrade to an Indian camp, wherethey threw it off and then jumped off themselves. These men were tracedto the head of the Mississippi River, where they took a canoe andstarted down stream. Nothing more was ever heard of them or the goods;and as the State laws made the Railroad Company responsible for wearingapparel only, I could collect nothing from them. But as the trunkhappened to contain a small compartment in which I carried my shirts, underwear, handkerchiefs, socks, etc. , I made Mr. Superintendent smile, a few weeks later, when I handed in my bill for them, at Fargo. Helaughed, and said he had never happened to meet a man before who woresuch high-priced shirts and underwear. 

After giving up my trunk and goods as lost, I looked over my stock ofjewelry in the case; and although it was badly in need of a few extrasto make it complete, I considered it enough to commence with again, andstarted out to see what I could do. 

[Illustration: A COLLAPSE NEAR BRAINERD, MINN. --PAGE 557. ]

I was unable to do anything at Brainerd, and concluded to visit smallertowns, where my little stock would look larger. I took an evening train, arriving at a small hamlet a few miles west, in time to work the townthat evening. But fate seemed to be against me, for I couldn't make asale, and to make time I would have to get up the next morning abouthalf past two to get a local freight train going west. 

The landlord called me, and after making my toilet I started for thedepot, a few rods distant across the track. He had cautioned me aboutthe fast express, which would be due in a few minutes going west, andwhich did not stop there, but passed through at lightning speed. Onpassing out I discovered that a terrible snow and wind storm was raging, and with much difficulty found my way towards the depot. Just as I wascrossing the Railroad track the lock on my case gave way and the sidelid fell down, and the top cover to which the handle was fastened raisedup, letting every tray of jewelry fall in a heap in the middle of thetrack. I stopped to pick it up, but at that instant heard the enginewhistle close by, and had no sooner gained a foothold on the platform ofthe depot than the engine came dashing along, with its brighthead-light, and the sparks flying from it in all directions, and thesteam whistle blowing and screeching like a demon, and struck my pile oftrays and jewelry and sent them skyward and entirely out of existence. 

A million things ran through my mind in an instant, but I think aboutthe first I thought of was the "Incomprehensible. "

I saw the utter foolishness of trying to find any of the jewelry, as thestorm was raging furiously; besides, it was long before daylight. But Idecided to return to the hotel and remain till morning. 

When I walked into the office with my sample case still in the shapeas when it "busted, " the landlord gazed at me a moment, and asked whatin thunder I'd been doing with my jewelry. I explained, and he said hesupposed the jewelry, trays and all were still flying through the air, and if the storm kept up they probably would never stop. 

His idea was about correct, I think. At any rate I never saw onedollar's worth of my goods afterwards. Of course the heavy fall of snowwould very soon cover it up any how, but it is very doubtful if any ofit was ever found any where in the vicinity of the depot. 

The next day after satisfying myself that my stock of jewelry hadvanished and that I was again "busted, " I took the train for Brainerd, where I once more resorted to selling furniture polish. 

While at this town I called at a house, rang the door bell and wasadmitted by a person whom I at once recognized as an old school teacherwho had taught our district school at Galetown Corners years before. Ashe did not recognize me I thought I would have a little fun with him, and after introducing my polish, I produced a small book containing thenames of my patrons at Brainerd, and said:

"Mister, I have here the names of those who have been buying, which Iwill read, to show you that it is an article of value and one that isappreciated by almost every housekeeper. "

So saying I began to read off the names of people living in the oldGaletown school-district, such as Mrs. M. Keefer, Mrs. John Bartlett, Mrs. Curt Dirlam, Mrs. R. E. Betts, Mrs. Alfred Hutchinson, Mrs. JamesDrown, Mrs. John Lefever, Mrs. Dave Ramsey, Mrs. Sidney Tuck, Mrs. CalifLuce, Mrs. Samuel Chapin, Mrs. ----

"Great Scott! Do all those people live in this town?"

"Why not?" I asked. 

"Why not? Cæsar-ation! I used to teach school in Ohio. In a neighborhoodwhich contained the sir names, given names, initials and all, of everyperson you have mentioned. "

I slipped the book into my pocket and told him I could not help that, and then began to show the polish to him and the lady of the house. Hewas too much excited to give any attention to it, but as he was only avisitor, that did not signify much. He soon asked me to read those namesover again. When I had finished he inquired of his hostess if she knewany of those people. She said no, but as she had not lived there longshe would not be likely to know them. He became more excited than ever, and putting on his overcoat and hat declared his intention of calling onsome of them. 

Then I said to him:

"Well, this Mr. Keefer, who lives over here on the back street has astep-son by the name of Johnston. Perry, I believe, is his given name. "

"Yes sir, yes sir, that's right. He was a red-headed lad and came toschool to me. Say, show me where they live. "

"And, " I remarked, "another name I remember; the son of one of thesefamilies is Willard. "

"Was it Willard Luce?" he asked. 

"That's it?"

"My ----, is it possible all those families have moved here?"

I then said:

"Do I look any like that Perry Johnston?"

He looked me over carefully and said he believed I did. 

I then explained that I had recognized him at first sight and decided tohave a little sport with him. After a short visit I went on my wayrejoicing. 

After one week's time I left Brainerd for Fargo, Dakota, where I hadrequested my mail to be sent. I had cleared thirty-three dollars overand above expenses during that time. After sending ten of it home to mywife I reached Fargo with twenty-three dollars, having made the tripwith my pass. Here I received a letter from the wholesaler expressingsympathy for my loss, and saying he had sent me a large package of goodson sixty days' time. 

After spending two dollars for a few necessaries which left me justtwenty-one dollars, I accompanied three traveling men to the theatre, one of whom had a pass admitting himself and friends to a box. Duringthe evening this gentleman mentioned the fact that an actress who wouldshortly sing was an old school-mate of his, and as she had had all herwardrobe burnt at Bismarck, a few days before, suggested that we eachthrow a silver dollar on the stage when she appeared. We all agreed. 

I had forgotten that I had that day accommodated a gentleman by givinghim four five-dollar bills for a twenty-dollar gold piece, and when thetime came I carelessly reached my hand in my pocket and taking out thegold piece, threw it on the stage and was unconscious of what I haddone till I saw it bound and heard it ring and received a bow ofrecognition and thanks from the actress. It was too late, however, andmanaging to instantly recover myself from the shock of having fullyrealized the awful fact that I was again totally collapsed, I shookhands with my three friends who were very enthusiastic over mygenerosity, remarking that they hadn't the slightest idea of myintention of giving so much. I told them I didn't believe in doingthings by halves. 

At the hotel the next day I was introduced to the pretty actress whothanked me for my generous gift, and declared that success was sure toreward men of such liberal principles, but added that she had alwaysnoticed, however, that those who gave the most freely were those who hadthe most to give, or at any rate, those who experienced but littledifficulty in making money fast. 

I had but little to say in reply to her assertion, but took specialpains to jingle the last three twenty-five cent pieces I had in mypocket, and assumed an air of independence sufficient, no doubt, toconvince her that I possessed my share of this world's goods. 

When I took the train at Brainerd for Fargo, who should make hisappearance as conductor but my old friend Johnny, whom the reader willremember as being my partner and companion at the neat, nice, tidyboarding-house while selling auction goods. 

The moment I discovered his identity I pulled my hat down over my eyesand turned up my coat collar so he would not recognize me, and as heapproached me I began talking very loud as though in conversation withsome one near me and said: "Well sir, the place where I stopped was aneat, nice, clean, tidy boarding-house, the children were well-bred, theold lady a good conversationalist, a mighty good cook, and everythingwas so home-like. "

Johnny seemed almost paralyzed on hearing these remarks and instantlybegan to scrutinize me very closely, but as I had raised quite amoustache and goatee since our dissolution, he failed to recognize me. He then demanded my ticket, and without turning my face towards him, butrather turning it from him I declared I had no ticket. He asked where Iwas going. I answered: "Well sir, I am going to Fargo, and if I canprevail upon my wife to sell another house and lot and send me themoney, I am going to either start a stave and barrel factory, or go intothe auction business. "

At this he began laughing, and taking hold of my hat and raising it frommy head, said: "Well you infernal vender of the Incomprehensiblecompound, double-distilled furniture and piano luster, what are yougiving me? Produce your ticket, or off you go, bag and baggage. "

We had a nice visit, and when I related my experience of a few daysbefore about the stolen trunk and the final collapse, he said he hadheard all about it, but was surprised to hear that I was the unfortunateloser. He frankly confessed that the last house and lot had been soldand the money spent before he had settled down to business. The last Iheard of him he was still holding his position and working hard for apromotion. 

A few days after my arrival at Fargo, I received over two hundreddollars' worth of goods from Chicago, which came at a very opportunetime. 

The few days I had to wait there I put in with the "Incomprehensible, "with good results. 

The holiday trade was now approaching and I made money fast. I againadopted my old tactics of opening up to every one, from the hotel porterand chambermaids to the merchant of the highest standing; and I neverlost an hour or even a minute when there was the slightest prospect formaking a sale. The result was, that after closing out my stock justbefore Christmas and returning to Chicago, I brought back over ninehundred dollars, which left me six hundred clear after paying thewholesale house the last bill of two hundred and an old account of onehundred dollars. 

A few weeks after my arrival in Chicago, I made over six hundred dollarsin one day in a way that will perhaps be worth relating. An oldacquaintance of mine who was in the auction business was in the citybuying goods. I accompanied him to a large wholesale house to buynotions, and while picking out the stock, a messenger-boy delivered atelegram to the manager of that department. After reading it he said tous that it conveyed the information that the manufacturers of cheapshears had formed a combination and had advanced the price nearly onehalf. I excused myself immediately and started on the run to thedifferent wholesale houses with which I had previously dealt, andbought all the shears they had at the old prices, and after making apayment down took a receipt as payment on a certain number of dozenshears at a certain price to be delivered on a certain day. I made therounds as rapidly as possible and bought out several dealers before theyhad received their telegrams. The next day all I had to do was to callat their stores and sell out to them at the advanced price, receiving mymoney back and a good round profit besides. 

It was my intention to start out on the road again as soon as the dullseason after the holidays was over; but I began having chills and feverand night sweats which very soon reduced me several pounds in weight, and I could plainly see was fast reducing my physical strength. 

My wife and I then visited her parents at Bronson, Michigan. 

And now I am obliged to make mention of one fact that heretofore has notbeen necessary to speak of. My domestic life had not proved a success, and a separation occurred on the nineteenth of March, 1881, my wiferemaining with her parents. Our little boy had been living with mymother at Clyde, during the preceding two years, where we mutuallyagreed to have him remain; and he has continued to reside there up tothe present time. In due course of time the Courts annulled themarriage. 

I reached Clyde on the evening of the day of our final separation, andwas so ill that my physical system seemed about prostrated. 

Our old family physician, Dr. Brown, was at that time down sick, and Ichanced to call on a physician who had recently moved there. He seemedmuch pleased with my condition, and after a thorough examination, informed me that one of my lungs was entirely destroyed and the otherone almost gone; and if I had good luck I might live a couple of years. 

When I went home and reported my bright prospects my mother began tocry, and said she always thought I would die with consumption. Mr. Keefer looked sad and solemn, and said: "It does beat the devil. "

CHAPTER XXXII. 

A FRIEND LOANS ME TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS--MY ARRIVAL IN CHICAGO--FORTYDOLLARS' WORTH OF GOODS ON CREDIT--I LEAVE FOR MICHIGAN--EFFECTING ASALE BY STRATAGEM--GREAT SUCCESS DURING THE SUMMER--ENFORCING ACREDIT--CONTINUED SUCCESS--OPENING AN OFFICE IN THE CITY--PAYING MY OLDDEBTS, WITH INTEREST--MY TRIP TO NEW YORK--BUYING GOODS FROM THEMANUFACTURERS--MY RETURN TO CHICAGO--NOW I DO HUS'LE--IMMENSE SUCCESS. 

A few days later our old Doctor was up and around, and called to see me. He diagnosed my case, and pronounced my lungs perfectly sound; anddeclared that if I should live an hundred years I'd never have lungtrouble. He informed me that I was suffering from a complication ofdiseases, and general debility caused by over-work and the generalexcitement and hus'ling naturally attending my business; and assured methat with the energy and determination I showed in my disposition to getwell, he would bring me out all right. He was much surprised, however, when called a few days later, to find me completely floored andsuffering terribly. His action showed that the case was more seriousthan he thought. But he brought me out in very good shape in about threemonths. 

I had previously used a part of my money in paying old debts, and partin supplying my family with suitable clothing; and after paying mydoctor and druggist bills, found myself again without a dollar, whenready to start out on the fifteenth of June. 

I then wrote to a young man who had lived with my parents several years, and whom I had educated in the polish business and who was then sellingit through Indiana, and asked him to loan me twenty-five dollars, if hecould spare it. 

He immediately sent a draft for that amount, and stated in his letterthat he had just eighty-five cents left, but was glad to accommodate me. In reply to his letter I assured him that I was certain of success inthe jewelry business, and that as soon as I again established myself init, and could see a chance for him, I would send for him and give himthe benefit of my experience. 

About a year later I brought this about; and having established a faircredit myself I had no difficulty in also establishing a credit forAlbert, which he used to good advantage by hus'ling and selling lots ofgoods. 

Later on, after I had opened a store of my own, I supplied him withgoods for some time, extending all the credit he needed. This same youngman is now proprietor of a wholesale jewelry house in Chicago; and Idare say that only for his prompt and liberal action in responding to myrequest for a loan of twenty-five dollars, there would be no such firmin existence at the present time. Therefore it illustrates how a singleinstance will prove the turning point in a man's life. 

Albert came to our house while we were living at the old homestead onthe farm, when he was but a small boy. He was an orphan, and had left afarmer living a few miles away, whom he had lived with for some time. 

The night he came there I happened home from one of my speculativetrips, and after talking with the lad, asked my folks what they weregoing to do with him. They said he could stay over night, and afterbreakfast they would send him on his way rejoicing. 

I urged them to let him stay, convinced that he would be of greatassistance on the farm. They concluded to give him a trial, with thesatisfactory result as stated above. 

If the reader will pardon me more for digressing from the subject, Iwill here relate a little incident that occurred on the day of Albert'sarrival in the city. It only goes to show how the average young man willwriggle and tax his brain in order to get out of a tight box. 

It often afforded us much amusement when narrating it, as being hisinitiation into the great city of Chicago. He had written me in answerto my letter, that he was ready to start at any time; and as I hadreceived an invitation to attend a ball to be given in the city on theSouth Side on a certain day, I wrote him to be on hand at that time andI would meet him. 

By this time I had begun selling goods on credit, and very often run alittle short for cash; and it so happened that in this particularinstance I arrived in the city at seven o'clock in the evening, withless than five dollars in my pocket with which to visit the barber, andpay for our suppers and tickets for the ball. 

He had written me that he would have about seventy-five dollars cash, and I felt perfectly secure to start out with him, knowing I couldborrow till I could raise it the next day and pay him back. 

At the ball we met a couple of young ladies, daughters of a gentleman Ihad become acquainted with; and as he and his wife were talking of goinghome early and taking the girls with them, we suggested that they leavethem in our care and we would escort them home later. 

This was agreed to all around, and about two o'clock, when ready toleave, I said to Albert:

"Let me have five dollars to pay for a carriage. "

"I haven't got five dollars, nor even fifty cents. "

"But you told me in your letter that you had seventy-five dollars. "

"So I have, but it's in a draft. "

"Well, what on earth are we to do? I have spent my last dollar. Guesswe'll have to take them home in a street-car. "

We started, and reached the corner of Randolph and Clark just as it setin to rain. Upon inquiry we learned to our dismay that all-night carswere not running on Randolph street, and that none would be runningbefore daylight. 

Just across the street, standing around the Court House as usual, wereany number of hack-men. 

I was completely non-plussed, and I don't recollect ever having beenplaced in closer quarters, or in a position where I felt morehumiliated. I thought of Albert's draft, and stepping up to him said ina low tone as quickly as possible:

"Give me your draft and I'll get it cashed at the Sherman House. "

He replied that it was in the hotel safe. I came near fainting, thenfinally said:

"Ladies, please excuse me one moment. I'll call a carriage. "

So saying I stepped across the street, wondering on the way what I woulddo. I had no watch to leave as security, nor a piece of jewelry of anykind. Every thing of this sort was used by me as stock in trade. I knewbetter than to ask for credit, and realized that my life would be indanger to hire a carriage and undertake to "stave them off" afterwards. 

So the reader will readily understand that I was at my wits' end; but atthe last moment my senses came to me, and I instantly thought of ascheme to help us out. I asked a hack-man what he would charge to takeus to a certain street and number on the West Side. He said two dollars. He might as well have said two hundred. I at once found fault with theprice, and managed to get into an altercation with him and three or fourothers, and talked loud enough for Albert and the young ladies to hear. 

As I approached them I did so in a very excited manner, with my hat inone hand and a large empty pocket-book in the other, and roundly cursingall the cab-men in Chicago. 

"What's the matter?" asked one of the girls. 

"Matter? Great Heavens! Do you suppose I'll give seven dollars to one ofthese robbers to carry us over on the West Side?"

"Indeed you will not, " shouted the brave little lady. "We'll walk. "

"That's just what we will do, " I cried, as I took her by the arm andhus'led her down street, fearing she might change her mind, followed bythe other couple; and we made a rapid trip, pattering through the rainand mud, congratulating ourselves on our shrewdness and courage ingetting even with the Chicago cab-men. 

And now, after this digression, to resume:

After receiving the twenty-five dollars from Albert, I bought a fewnecessaries, and a ticket for Chicago, where I arrived June fifteenth, 1881, with but a few dollars. I called immediately on a firm I had dealtwith a little the year before, and of whom I could buy goods attwenty-five per cent. Less than from the one I first began dealing with. 

After explaining my circumstances, giving references and asking theproprietor if he would sell me some stock on credit, he said he wouldlimit me to fifty dollars, to begin with; and would increase it as mycapital increased. I considered this reasonable, and selected fortydollars' worth. I made it a point to select just this amount on accountof it having exactly the amount of my very first jewelry investmentyears before at Columbus, Ohio, when I started out peddling. 

I then a Goodrich steamer for Muskegon, Michigan, arriving there thefollowing morning. 

I started out with a determination to sell a bill of goods; and althoughevery merchant laughed me in my face when I showed up my stock, I kept"hus'ling, " and finally struck one man who bought twenty dollars' worth. This enabled me to take a fifteen-dollar package from the expressoffice which I had ordered C. O. D. From the wholesaler, after buying myfirst stock on credit. 

I now began traveling over precisely the same territory and visiting thesame towns and merchants that I had called upon the year before, when onmy first trip. 

On my second day out, at Holton, Michigan, while sitting in the hotel, atraveling man remarked that the firm across the street was the best inthe country to do business with, if a drummer could only manage to showhis goods to them; but as they visited the Chicago market every twoweeks they would not under any circumstances look at a drummer's goods. 

Owing to the fact that I very much enjoyed calling on those who were thehardest to be convinced, I took special delight in making this firm avisit. I carried my case with me, and after setting it on the counter infront of the proprietor, asked permission to show him my goods. He flewinto a rage, and declared he would not buy from any drummer. I stillpersisted, and he continued to sizzle around at a fierce rate. The morehe did so the more I insisted on showing him my goods. 

Finally, seeing the utter uselessness of trying to get his attention, Ivery quietly put the key in the lock of my case and unlocked it, andreturned the key to my pocket. I then took hold of the case and as Ibade him good-bye swung it around off the counter as if to leave thestore. Of course the top raised up and the side lid fell down, lettingthe trays fall out on the floor, the same as occurred on the railroadtrack. The jewelry scattered all over the floor, and I began toapologize, and told him of my wretched disaster once before with thesame case. I was very sorry to annoy him with such an accident. He sawat once that I was to all appearances very much embarrassed, and in asympathetic manner assured me that there was no harm done, so far as hewas concerned, and began helping me to gather up the goods. 

As I picked up one piece after another I would call his attention tothem, and say: "That is one of the best sellers I ever saw;" "this isthe latest style;" and "here is an article of the most peculiar design Iever saw. "

In the meantime he became interested, and began asking prices; andfinally gave me an order for from one-half to a dozen each of a niceassortment of goods. I at once saw that he supposed I was selling bysample, and took his order for about three times the amount of my stockin trade. I sent the order in to the house, and they filled it and gaveme my commission, which amounted to nearly fifty dollars. 

When I returned to the hotel and informed the gentleman whom I hadgotten my information from that I had taken such an order, he was muchsurprised. Of course I was not so indiscreet as to relate how I hadaccomplished it. After I had become better acquainted with this firm, and they had become regular customers, I related the facts to them, muchto their amusement. 

I continued to hus'le, as before. My health was not first-class, but Iimproved rapidly, and was very soon in a better condition physicallythan I had been for years. My success was fair during the summer. Ivisited Chicago frequently, and succeeded in establishing a limitedcredit of two hundred dollars with my new firm, but found it a hardmatter to accomplish that much. I made good use of it, however, and whenthe busy season was approaching for the fall and holiday trade Idetermined to strike for a larger credit. This was not only with a viewto extending my business, but I realized that at the rate I wasprogressing, I would soon want to establish a business of my own, andunless there was some wholesale jeweler to whom I could refer theEastern manufacturers, I would have a hard time to get a start. 

When I asked the manager of the concern for an extension of credit hesaid I could extend it a little. I therefore began selecting a stock ofgoods, which I insisted on having billed as fast as I picked them out. That night, when I had finished and had the goods in my cases (I nowcarried two), and had them charged on the books and the bills for themin my pocket, and was about ready to start for the train, the proprietorchanced to discover that I had bought nearly one thousand dollars worth. He threw up both hands in holy horror and declared I should never leavethe store with all those goods. 

I informed him that the goods had been properly billed and charged tome, and I had legal possession of them; and as my train was to leavesoon it was my intention to take my departure. 

I pointed to the front windows and reminded him and about twenty clerkswho stood looking on, that we were about three stories up, and the firstman who laid a hand on me or my goods would land through one of thosewindows on the sidewalk below, if I had to go down with him. 

Saying which, I grabbed my cases, and with the further remark:"Gentlemen, make room for me now; I am ready to start, " passed out withnot a word spoken, and everything as quiet as death. 

Two or three of the clerks were good friends of mine, and were only tooglad to see me force a credit for myself; and I doubt if they could havebeen induced to interfere had Mr. Streicher demanded it. 

The first town I visited on this trip was Oconto, Wisconsin, which Ireached the following morning; and before nine o'clock I had made a cashsale of one hundred and fifty dollars, and went immediately to theexpress office and remitted it to the house. And as business was brisk Iremitted from one to three hundred dollars per day to them. In a fewdays I received a letter from Mr. S. Offering me a credit of two orthree thousand dollars, if I needed it. 

I congratulated myself, and no one else, for this much-needed anddesirable credit, realizing that had I let him have his way I would havebeen ten years gaining his confidence to this extent. 

I now began to "turn myself loose, " and with my nice line of goodsthere was no such thing as failure. I found it as easy to make a hundreddollars now, as one dollar at any previous time in my life. I visitedChicago often to buy new stock. 

While speaking of Mr. Streicher (pronounced Striker), a little incidentconnected with his name occurred about this time, which may proveinteresting to the reader. 

He was about to make a trip to New York, and as Albert and myself werecontemplating a visit home we concluded to accompany him that far on hisjourney. My folks had often heard us speak of the gentleman, so when wearrived at Toledo, Albert said he would telegraph them to meet us at thedepot, as they would no doubt be glad to see him. He therefore sent amessage as follows: "Meet us at the noon train with Streicher. "

The telegraph operator at Clyde "bulled" the message, and copied it, "Meet us at the noon train with stretcher. "

It so happened that I met some friends at Toledo who persuaded me toremain there till the next day. Albert and Mr. Streicher went on, andwhen they alighted from the train at Clyde the platform was packed withpeople. It being Sunday, every one had turned out. The undertaker, Mr. Terry, with his ambulance, and a stretcher placed on the platform nearwhere the express car usually stopped, Mr. Keefer and my half-sistersgreatly agitated, and my mother crying, as Albert and Mr. S. Approachedthem, both wondering at the unusual excitement. 

"Where is Perry? What has happened to Perry? Is he dead, or only hurt?"

These inquiries were made hurriedly, and when informed that nothing hadhappened they asked why he had telegraphed for a stretcher. 

"Stretcher, " said Albert, "you're crazy! I didn't telegraph for astretcher, but said meet Streicher and me at the noon train. "

When the facts became known, the assemblage seemed to look upon thematter as a good joke upon themselves, and wended their way homewardlooking disgusted and disappointed, plainly showing that their morbidcuriosity had not been quite satisfied. 

The next day, when I arrived and had been told of the occurrence, Iasked Albert what my mother said. 

"Well, she said she expected Perry would be killed sooner or later anyhow. "

"What did Mr. Keefer say?"

"Oh, he said, 'It beat the devil. '"

We spent a few days pleasantly at home, then returned to Chicago and tobusiness. 

I continued to travel over the same territory, visiting my oldcustomers, whom I soon became better acquainted with, and secured asregular patrons. I visited them about once every sixty days, and at thesame time worked up as much new trade as possible. 

I will here tell how I made my first sale to a merchant who wasnotorious for "firing agents out, " and who has been my customer eversince. 

I was traveling through Minnesota, and when at the hotel in a smalltown, became engaged In conversation with several drummers, who were allloud in their condemnation of one of the leading merchants there, whohad never treated any one of them civilly. I remarked that I believed Icould sell him a bill of goods. One of them said if I could he would buyme a new hat. 

I went out on the street and stepped up to the first country fellow Imet, and handing him a two-dollar bill, said:

"I want you to go down to Mr. ----'s store and wait till I come in, andas I am about to leave the store, you ask me to sell you a finger ring, and when I offer to do so you select one and pay for it with this money, and I will give you the ring for your trouble. "

He agreed to my proposition and immediately went over to the store. 

With my two cases I followed directly after him, and setting them downstepped up to the proprietor and asked permission to show my goods. Hewas very gruff, and refused to listen to me at all. I picked up my casessaying, "Good-bye sir, " when my country friend stepped up and said:"Mister, you are selling jewelry, I see. Can't you sell me a ring?"

"Well, yes, I can if Mr. ---- is willing to let me show it to you in hisstore. "

The merchant said he had no objection, as he had no jewelry to sell andnever expected to have. 

I then opened the case that contained all of my carded goods, and spreadall the trays out on his counter. Not finding any rings in that case, Iwas obliged to open the other; and as the rings were at the very bottomI was compelled to take out every tray before reaching them. These Ialso spread out on his counter, and finally sold the young man a ring. 

In the meantime nearly all of his customers--and the store wascrowded--were looking at my goods and handling them over. I stepped upto the merchant, and thanking him for his kindness handed him onedollar, merely mentioning the fact very quietly that I had only oneprice, and that I had sold the ring at just twice the wholesale price, and the dollar belonged to him. He cried out, as he took the money:

"Good gracious! I hope you didn't charge the man that much profit. "

I assured him that such a thing was a very common occurrence; and tofurther satisfy him I made several sales right then and there, and ineach instance gave him half the receipts. 

Again thanking him for his kindness, I began packing up when he said:

"Just wait a moment, " and stepping to the stair-way, opened the door andcalled to his wife to come down. She did so, and in less than two hoursI had sold and delivered to them nearly three hundred dollars worth, andhad the cash in my pocket. 

When I reported this sale to the traveling men at the hotel they couldhardly believe me, and were not wholly convinced till they called at thestore and saw the jewelry. 

My trade continued to be first-class during the holidays, clearing meconsiderable money. 

I lost no time after the holidays, but kept on traveling while otherdrummers were laying off for the dull season, and succeeded well. 

When the following spring trade opened, my business increased, andcontinued to be good till late in the summer, when I began to think someof opening an office in Chicago, and buying direct from themanufacturers, who are almost exclusively located at Providence, RhodeIsland, and Attleboro, Massachusetts. 

In July I was at Escanaba, Michigan, and happened to meet Mr. Weil, ofHenry Weil & Co. , wholesale jewelers of Chicago; and after half anhour's conversation with him he showed me a line of gold rings, and soldand delivered to me right on the spot, nearly five hundred dollars'worth on four months' time. 

I then made known to him my anxiety to open an office in Chicago, andbuy direct. He said he could and would help me to do so, and offered medesk room in his office till I could afford to rent a room of my own. 

The following month I visited the city and called on him, and he gave mea letter of recommendation to the eastern manufacturers. I also procuredletters from several others, with whom I had had either a business orsocial acquaintance, and started for New York, where the manufacturersall had representatives. 

On my way there I stopped at Bronson, Michigan, and at Clyde, Ohio, andpaid all of my old debts, with eight per cent. Per annum interest forthe whole time I had owed them. I paid one man two hundred and ninedollars for a note of one hundred and forty dollars, and another man onehundred and seventy-five dollars for a note of one hundred andtwenty-two; and still another ninety dollars for a note of fifty, besides various open accounts for merchandise bought, and for borrowedmoney; in all amounting to nearly one thousand dollars. 

One gentleman I called on had almost forgotten me as well as the debt Iowed him, and when I said:

"I believe you have an account against me, " he looked up over hisspectacles and remarked, as though he considered me foolish to refer toit:

"Yes, but it has been outlawed for some time. "

"Did the law balance your books?" I asked. 

"No sir, but it canceled the debt. "

"Indeed it did not, so far as I am concerned; and for once I'll provemyself more powerful than the law by balancing up your books, which issomething it can't or at least won't do. "

So saying I produced a roll of bills, and after figuring up and addingeight per cent. Per annum for the entire time the account had beenrunning, paid the amount over to him. 

He said he had often censured himself for having trusted me to so much;but he was now only too sorry that it hadn't been a great deal more, asit was the first and only money he had ever drawn interest on, and inconsequence had never realized how fast it accumulated. 

After settling everything up in full, I let Mr. Keefer have, at hisrequest, one hundred and fifty dollars, and proceeded on to New York. Icalled at my uncle's store immediately, for the first time since mythree weeks' stay with him when a boy. He was away on a business trip, but "the old stand, " with all its fixtures, looked exactly as they didthe day I left, seventeen years before. 

There seemed to be no necessity, however, for any change, as tradeappeared to be more brisk than ever. I was anxious to meet my uncle andhave him go with me to the manufacturers' offices and introduce me, butas he would not be home for a couple of days I considered life too shortto wait, and concluded to introduce myself. 

I went down town, and the first man I met in Maiden Lane was a travelingagent, a Mr. Medbury, who visited Chicago regularly, and who recognizedme while I was standing on the corner, reading signs and looking fornumbers. He came up and asked if I wasn't the fellow who carried off thebulk of Mr. Streicher's store in my endeavor to establish a credit. Itold him I was. He then took me into the office of his firm, S. & B. Lederer, and after introducing me, went on to recount what Mr. Streicherused to say whenever I visited his store. 

This man, Streicher, was a little sharp Hebrew, who was always lookingfor the best end of the bargain, but would sell goods cheaper than anyother wholesaler in the country. I saw his nature at once, andimmediately became as aggressive as possible, and always ready to takemy own part. The result was, it seems, that I succeeded in making itvery unpleasant for him. The boys used to relate that whenever my namewas mentioned, he would throw up both hands and say:

"Oh, mine Gott! Every time dot fellow come in mine store he drive mecrazy. I lose my head. He carry off all my nice goods and tell me tocharge; and when I say I don't do it, he say, 'I trow you out dottree-story window;' and if my clerks don't suit him he discharge themand hire new ones; if I don't buy to suit him when agents call, then hebuy to suit himself and charge to me. To the devil with such a man!"

After receiving an introduction to this firm, I presented my letters, and explained what I wanted. 

They assured me that my reference was perfectly satisfactory, and theywould be glad to sell me all the goods I needed in their line, andthereupon sold me the first bill of goods I purchased from themanufacturers. 

During the interview I mentioned that Johnston the jeweler, on theBowery, was an uncle of mine. One of the firm replied that that was inmy favor. Thereafter I did not forget to mention him to everymanufacturer I called upon; and soon learned that his original schemeof buying "Duplicate Wedding Presents" had made him widely known. I wasthen ready to forgive him for not having made any changes in his storeduring my seventeen years' absence. 

I found no difficulty in buying all the goods I needed on credit, amounting to several thousand dollars' worth, to be shipped at once, andto be paid for in from sixty days to four months. 

After receiving my stock from New York, I opened up with headquarters atMr. Weil's office, Number 57 Washington street, and was ready to startout on the nineteenth of September. Now came the necessity for greaterhus'ling than ever, as I must be prompt in the payment of my bills, if Iexpected to establish myself in the confidence of the manufacturers. 

With this thought uppermost in my mind I worked almost day and night, and I believe I sold as many, if not more, goods in my special line inone month than was ever sold by any one man before or since. At anyrate, later on, when I had seven agents on the road, not a single one ofthem ever sold as many goods in a whole year as I sold the first month Itraveled, after establishing business for myself. 

The result was, that before my bills were due I had paid up half of myindebtedness, and when the balance came due I had the money to pay up infull, and did so. Thereafter my trade was catered for by the best ofmanufacturers. 

To give the reader a better understanding of the hard work put in by meduring that first month, I will relate one instance in which I calledone of my customers out at a very dubious hour and sold him a bill ofgoods. 

It was at Boyne City, where I had arrived at one o'clock in the morning, after having worked hard all the day and evening before in selling acouple of very large bills. On reaching there I learned that the onlyboat leaving for Charlevoix within the next twenty-four hours was toleave at six o'clock in the morning; and as I must make that town next, I determined to rout my Boyne City customer up at once, sell him what heneeded, and take the first boat. 

He lived over his store, and as there was an outside stair-way, I wentup and called and rapped loudly on the door. 

The dog barked furiously, and judging from the noise, must have knockedthe cook-stove down, and the cat got covered up in a tin boiler and madea terrible racket; the children began screaming, and my customer's wifeshouted "murder!" at the top of her voice. I stood my ground, and keptrapping. He grabbed the old shot-gun and yelled:

"Who is there?"

"Johnston. "

"Johnston the fisherman?"

"No. "

"Johnston from the lumber camp?"

"No sir, Johnston the jewelry-man. "

"From Chicago?"

"Yes sir, from Chicago; and I want to sell you a bill of jewelry rightaway. "

"Goodness' sakes! Can't you call to-morrow?"

"No sir; business is too brisk. I must sell to you to-night so I canleave on the morning boat. "

The whole family got up and came down stairs in the store, and Ifinished up with them about five o'clock in the morning, after selling alarge bill of goods. 

On my arrival at Charlevoix I found several traveling men at the hotel, and among them one who was traveling for a wholesale grocery house. While I was busy arranging my jewelry before calling on my customers, Iheard this man say:

"I had big sales yesterday. I sold a car-load each of rice, nutmegs, cinnamon and pepper, besides three hundred barrels of flour, and as manychests of tea. "

On hearing this statement I immediately recognized the voice, andremembered having heard the same story before, somewhere. Upon lookingat the speaker I also recognized his face, and turning to those present, said:

"Gentlemen, I know this man sold that many goods, for I heard him tellthe same story at St. Mary's, Ohio, about four years ago, and I knowit's true or he wouldn't keep telling it. "

Of course he was offended and insulted, and denied the charge; but whenI recalled to his mind the hat trade I made with him and the dollar hepaid me to boot, he laughed, and said he remembered it; but he laughedmore heartily when I told him it was a put-up job, and how glad I was toget the dollar. I then gave him a nice rolled-plate vest-chain--anarticle he very much needed, and which made him feel that his dollar hadbeen well invested. 

When the first of January came I found myself in very good shape, with asatisfactory profit for my year's work. 

I now began thinking about opening an establishment of my own. Aboutthis time Mr. Weil, with whom I still made my headquarters, informed methat he was going to retire from the jewelry business, and offered tosell his large safe, all the office fixtures and a large stock ofjewelry, to me, and give me all the time I needed to pay for them. Ashis prices were low enough, and terms all that could be desired, Ijumped at the chance, and in a few days found myself in his debt severalthousand dollars. 

When I saw his shrewdness in picking me up--a total stranger--andhelping to push me "to the front, " and to where he could make good useof me himself, I could but admire him for it, and felt more than everlike patronizing him, as it seemed to me like encouraging enterprise todo so. I have never had reason to regret my dealings with him, and as heis a man of large means and wide influence, and has repeatedly given meto understand that he stood ready to back me for any amount, I havereason to believe that he has no complaints to make of my businesstransactions. 

After buying him out I rented an office and store room of my own at 243State street where I am still located, and began a genuine wholesalejewelry business. 

CHAPTER XXXIII. 

EMPLOYING TRAVELING SALESMEN--DEPRESSION IN TRADE--HEAVILY IN DEBT--HOWI PRESERVED MY CREDIT--I TAKE TO THE ROAD AGAIN--TRAVELING BYTEAM--DECIDING A HORSE-TRADE--MY BOOK-KEEPER PROPOSES AN ASSIGNMENT--IREJECT THE PROPOSITION--COLLECTING OLD DEBTS BY STRATAGEM. 

While traveling in Northern Michigan I came across a young man clerkingin a dry-goods store in a small iron-mining town, who expressed a desireto go on the road for me as traveling agent. His employer said:

"Oh, Bert is thoroughly honest and trustworthy, and naturally a capablefellow; but I think he is rather too unsophisticated to act in thatcapacity, as I don't believe he has ever visited a town of over threehundred inhabitants in his life. "

I replied that he was just the sort of chap I was looking for. I wanteda man who would be likely to listen to my advice and instructions, anda man of wide experience would not be apt to do so. 

I made arrangements with the young man to return to Chicago with me. Hismanner at once convinced me that he meant business, and was determinedto succeed. But for all that, and with the most kindly feelings towardshim, I must admit that every move he made, after arriving in the city, reminded me of myself on my first trip to New York. In fact, with theexception of the difference in ages, he was a regular Joshua Whitcomb. Ifelt almost obliged to lasso him to prevent him from following off bandwagons and chasing fire engines around town. He was particularly fond ofdime museums and the "knock-'em-down and drag-'em-out" Wild-westernplays; and I saw the necessity of getting him started on the road assoon as possible, before he should become stage-struck. I had twosample-cases made, and took him on the road with me through Michigan. Itook particular pains to impress upon his mind the necessity ofcurtailing expenses, and often reminded him that the occasional savingof 'bus and carriage fares from the hotel to the depot, when he hadplenty of time to walk, would be no disgrace to him or his House. Ialso pointed out the foolishness of spending money with merchants intreating, or in other words, attempting to bribe them by treating, asthat was something I had never yet done myself, and would not beresponsible for any such expense. I fully believed that the averagesalesman lost as often as he gained by this practice. (I still believeit. )

He was rather inclined to rebel against this, and said he was certainthat it would often become almost necessary to spend a little money inthat way in order to hold trade. I persisted that business should beconducted on business principles only, and not socially or on thestrength of friendship; and it would only be necessary to call on amerchant, introduce his business at the very earliest possible moment, get through as soon as possible, and immediately take his departure; andif he had any loafing to do, do it at the hotel; and above all, to spendvery little time in trying to become better acquainted. By thesemethods, if he didn't make a good impression he would be quite certainnot to make a bad one. 

His _penchant_ for telling funny stories made him known to those withwhom he came in contact as "the man of infinite but unpointed jest, " soas a matter of precaution I requested him to always defer tellingstories till his next trip. 

I convinced him that all successful salesmen worked from early morningtill late at night, and that a dollar-a-day hotel, in a small countrytown, would not be a disgraceful place to spend a Sunday. The resultwas, he traveled the first year at a wonderfully light expense, and soldmore goods than the average high-salaried salesman. 

He was not long, however, in becoming sophisticated, and was soon ableto roll up as nice an expense account as any of the boys. 

The second year after I began business for myself who should call at myoffice one day and apply for a position as traveling agent but my oldfriend, Dr. Frank, who, it will be remembered, traveled through Ohiowith me selling the "Incomprehensible, " and whom I dubbed Doctor afterwe set the old lady's ankle. I had not heard from him for years, but hehad been in Michigan all the time since he left me; and in consequenceof having received a letter from me addressing him as Dr. Frank he hadbeen called Doctor by every one, and so concluded to become a physician, and had spent one winter at Ann Arbor, in the Medical College, attending lectures. I hired him at once, and sent him on the road. Ialso engaged five other men, later in the season, and sent each of themout with a large stock of goods. They were all certain of an immenseholiday trade, and were extravagant in their demands for a large stockto supply it. 

I had been prompt in the payment of all bills, and had become quite wellacquainted with all the manufacturers. They called on me in largenumbers, urging me to buy, and wouldn't take no for an answer. Each waspositive that I could not run another month without their specialstyles, and as I could buy on long time and sell on short time I couldeasily see my way out. 

About two months before the holidays, the bottom fell completely out ofthe fall trade. My agents began to complain, and each advised me not tobuy any more goods. They were too late, however, as I had bought goodsenough to supply a dozen agents. Their sales amounted to simply nothing. A day or two before Christmas they began straggling in, one afteranother, with their trunks and sample-cases full of goods. 

My safe, and every nook and corner of my office, were all filled withgoods; and when my bills became due I had nothing _but_ goods. Twoweeks after the holidays I sent my men out again and kept them hus'ling. Of course they were bound to sell more or less goods, but it was up-hillwork. 

I gave my particular attention to satisfying Eastern creditors, andmanaged to do so more by writing letters and acknowledging myindebtedness, and promising fair dealing, than by making remittances. Asfast as any one of the last five agents I had hired would sell off hisgoods I would order him in and discharge him. In this way I reduced mystock without having to buy but few new goods, and very soon had but twomen on the road. These two were Dr. Frank and Bert, who were both goodmen, and perfectly reliable. 

On the seventeenth of January, this same year--1884--I was married toMiss Anna H. Emmert, of Chicago, (my present wife), having long sincebeen legally separated from my first, and she already married again. 

My second wife had received a thorough business education, although buteighteen years of age, and immediately began taking an interest in themanagement of my office affairs; and from that time until the presenthas been of incalculable help to me. 

I had no knowledge whatever of book-keeping, while she was an expert;and since my force of clerks, book-keepers and type-writers has run upto between thirty and fifty, there has never been a time when shecouldn't more than acceptably fill any of their positions; and duringour last holiday trade in our busiest season she took the place and keptup the work of three different employees during their temporary absence. And this in addition to a general oversight of the entire force, whichshe makes her regular line of duty. 

The summer following our marriage my wife's health began failing. As Ihad already become convinced that it was necessary that I should againgo on the road, I decided to buy a pair of horses and carriage andtravel with them, and let my wife accompany me. Our physician saidnothing could be more beneficial to her than such a campaign. 

So after employing competent help to take charge of our office, we wereready to start out. Soon after our decision to travel I traded a diamondring for a horse, harness and buggy, and not being able to buy a mateto the animal in Chicago at a satisfactory price, we shipped our stockof goods and horse and buggy to Grand Haven, Michigan, by boat. I alsobought a double harness in Chicago and shipped with the rig, and wecrossed on the same boat. 

On our arrival there I began searching for another horse, and succeededin finding one to suit me, which I bought in less than ten minutes afterthe owner showed him to me. I then had a pole fitted to my carriage, andby noon of that day we were under full sail for Northern Michigan. 

[Illustration: DECIDING A HORSE TRADE. --PAGE 606. ]

The first excitement I furnished my wife on that trip occurred about anhour after our departure from Grand Haven, and, was in the shape of ahorse trade. We were traveling through a thick, heavy wood, when we meta sewing-machine agent. I saw at once that he was driving an animal thatexactly matched the one we brought from Chicago. 

I bantered him for a trade. 

He stopped, and after looking over the horse I had just bought, saidhe'd trade for seventy-five dollars. 

"I'll give you fifty dollars. "

He then offered to trade for sixty. I still offered fifty. 

"Make it five dollars more, and it's a trade, " said he. 

"I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll wrestle you, run a foot-race, or spitat a mark, to see whether I shall pay five dollars extra or not. "

He "sized me up" for a moment, and said he guessed he'd wrestle with me;and asked me to name my hold. I proposed "rough-and-tumble. "

We then laid off our coats and took hold, and in much less time than ittakes to tell it my heels and hat were flying in the air, and a secondlater I found myself sprawling in the middle of the road on my back. 

After rising to his feet he was about to put his coat on, when I askedif he was going to give up. 

"Give up? Great Cæsar! didn't I throw you fair and square?"

"Yes, you did that time; but the best three in five is what wins where Icame from. "

"All right, sir. Three in five goes, then. "

By this time we had gotten rested, and took hold again. I felt in mybones that my five dollars was a goner, but determined to do my best, and managed to make it pretty lively for him. Finally, however, helanded me again squarely on my back. 

While taking a rest he remarked that "side-hold" was his favorite way towrestle. 

I told him that I also preferred "side-hold. "

The fact was, I preferred almost anything for a change. I couldn't seethat I was likely to lose much, at any rate, and was glad to acceptalmost anything. A moment later my wife called time, and we took"side-hold. "

For some unaccountable reason I felt more confident, and in less thantwo seconds I had him on _his_ back. I then began laughing and told himI had only been fooling with him, and asked how he'd like to divide thefive dollars and call it a draw. He was extremely good-natured, andseemed to enjoy the sport as much, if not more, than I did, but said hewasn't the "draw" kind; and if I expected to get any part, or the wholeof that five dollars I'd have to do some tall wrestling. I have oftenthought since that the fellow must have known what he was talking about, for when he took hold of me the fourth round, one would have thought hewas about to decide a bet of thousands of dollars. 

I took in the situation at once, and the thought uppermost in my mindwas to try to save my neck, regardless of the five dollars. 

I was not mistaken when I thought I saw "blood in his eye, " for sureenough he proved himself a terror, and in less time than any previousround he again had my heels in the air and landed me on my back thethird time. 

I acknowledged myself vanquished, and after paying him the fifty-fivedollars, we exchanged horses and separated on the best of terms. 

A few moments later, after my wife and I had started on with our newhorse, I asked her how she liked traveling. She laughed heartily at theabsurdity of our plan for deciding the trade, and replied that with therecreation, excitement and change of climate, she thought that I wouldimprove in health whether she did or not. 

I soon discovered that my scheme of traveling by team was going to bejust the thing to help me sell off the large surplus of goods which Istill had on hand. I had always done the bulk of my business withgeneral-store merchants. 

On this trip we learned that there was a general stagnation in trade, and especially with this class of goods; and to undertake to push morejewelry on those who then had more than they needed and more than theycould pay for, would be foolish and unbusiness-like. I also found thatmy agent who had been traveling through that section, had sold toanybody and everybody, regardless of credit-standing, or responsibility. 

I quickly decided to adopt a new system of operation. 

On referring to my map and commercial book I found any number of whatare termed Cross-Road stores, --that is, merchants residing and doingbusiness off the railroads, and in very small towns where travelingagents were not likely to stop. I could find any number of these righton the lines of roads where my agents had been traveling, and where Ihad considerable money due me, which I was anxious to collect. 

I began at once by calling on this class of trade. Business wasexceedingly dull with all of them, and as I hardly ever found a singleone who had experimented with the sale of jewelry, I found but littledifficulty in convincing the majority that the only thing they lacked toboom their trade was a stock of my goods. At any rate, I found my salesrunning four or five times as high as any one of my agents had beenmaking. I managed to keep in range of the larger towns where money wasdue me from old customers, and would make it a point to call on them anddemand an immediate settlement of some kind. If they couldn't pay cash, I would take notes, which could be used as trade paper with mycreditors, by endorsing the same. 

About this time I received a long confidential letter from mybook-keeper, saying he had been looking over the books carefully, andfound that I was owing twenty-six thousand dollars which was past due, besides what was not yet due; and as there wasn't a dollar in the bank, and the majority of our customers were not prompt in the payment oftheir bills, he couldn't see how I ever expected to pull through; thenafter apologizing for offering me advice, suggested that I return atonce, and make a clean breast of it by making an assignment; and aftersettling up for from twenty-five to fifty cents on the dollar, I couldcommence on a new and firmer basis. 

I replied to this letter as soon as I could get hold of pen and paper. Ireminded him that I had never thus far received an unpleasantcommunication from a single one of my creditors. 

In other words, I had never yet received what might be considered adunning letter, but on the contrary nearly every one of them had, inone way or another, given me to understand that they had implicitconfidence in me, and were willing and glad to favor me all they could. I also explained to him my new system of operating, and showed him how Iexpected to sell goods and collect money too. 

I then closed my letter by saying that in the future, if he entertainedan idea that I had got to fail in business, I wished he would kindlykeep it to himself, as there would be time enough for me to consider thematter after my creditors had become dissatisfied; and added that as faras I was personally concerned, I intended to stick to the wreck as longas there was a hand-hold left; and that I'd pay one hundred cents on thedollar if I had to collect my bills at the muzzle of a shot-gun. I thencautioned him about keeping up my plan of letter-writing, and assuredhim that at that particular stage of the game a good letter would oftentake the place of a small check; and that I should depend upon him to"hold them down, " while I would keep hus'ling and turn our stock intocash, as well as to collect up closely; and with this system properlymanipulated there would very soon be a perceptible change. 

In answer to this he said he was going to treat it as a personalletter, and intended to keep it for future reference, in case he or anyof his friends should ever get in close quarters; he believed that as Ihad now hit on a plan for unloading our large stock of goods, and withmy determination and bull-dog tenacity, he felt certain of success. 

This was the last time I ever heard the word "assignment" used inconnection with my business, and I hope circumstances will never bringit up again. 

My wife and I continued on through the northern part of the lowerpeninsula of Michigan, and I must say, that although my business affairswere considerably muddled, I never made a more enjoyable trip than this. After my separation with Flo. I had often declared that I would nevermarry again; and I now saw where I might have made a serious mistake, had I adhered to that declaration. With a wife full of hope, and adetermination to do all in her power for my comfort and happiness, and aparticular faculty for working hand in hand with me, I could see abright future, even in the darkest days of my financial trouble. 

We continued to trade horses occasionally, or at least often enough tobreak the monotony; and after we had been out a few weeks, I tradedjewelry for a handsome pair of ponies, harness and carriage. My wife'shealth improved rapidly; she found considerable amusement at first indriving this team, following after me. Very often, when we would find itconvenient to do so, I would give her a case of goods and let her driveto some distant store and make a sale while I would drive to anothertown, and we would meet at still another point at night. 

I agreed to give her ten per cent. On all the goods she could sell toany new customer, and on all they would buy in the future. She madeseveral customers in this way, and as we are still selling them lots ofgoods, they are known to our book-keepers as Anna's customers, and shenever fails to call regularly for her commissions. When she became tiredof driving the ponies I traded them off. 

We had some queer experiences that summer in making collections. Onefirm had been owing me one hundred and twenty dollars for a long time, and at last the entire establishment was turned over to the man's wifeand the business carried on in her name. This was at Farwell, Michigan. 

We drove up in front of the store, and I went in to see what the chanceswere for collecting. 

I was informed by the wife that her husband was absent from the store. Itold her my name, and called her attention to the fact that she had inher show-case a lot of jewelry my agent had sold her husband on credit. 

She said that didn't make any difference; she had bought him out, andthose goods were hers. 

I then said:

"Madam, I am going to have you arrested. "

"What for?"

"For grand larceny. "

Her clerk laughed me in the face; but she changed color, and calling meinto the back room, said:

"Where did you ever know me before? Were you ever in Pittsburg?"

"Where did I know you? Were I ever in Pittsburg? Well, you'll find outwhere I knew you, and whether I was ever in Pittsburg, before you getthrough with me. I'll have you locked up inside of ten minutes if youdon't settle with me, " saying which I started out. 

She called me back, and in much agitation said:

"Now see here; there is not a soul in this town knows that I have everbeen married before, and if I _have_ committed larceny by not getting adivorce from my first husband, it will do you no good to have mearrested, and will only make me lots of trouble. "

I saw that I had her cornered, and immediately took advantage of it, andsaid:

"Madam, just think of it! a woman with two husbands! Don't you know thatlarceny is one of the worst offenses a person can be guilty of, in thisstate? I am surprised that a woman of your intelligence should take thedesperate chance of committing larceny, and grand larceny at that. "

She asked what the difference was between larceny and grand larceny, ina case. I replied:

"Grand larceny is a case where a woman leaves her first husband in onestate and marries her second in another without a divorce; and twentyyears in the penitentiary is a very common sentence for grand larceny inMichigan. "

By this time she was trembling with fear, and said she would pay me infull if I would agree never to mention her name in connection with thatlarceny affair. 

I assured her that all I wanted was my pay, and I would never molest heragain. 

She then returned to the store and paid me the cash. I had just givenher a receipt in full when her husband made his appearance and askedwhat she was doing. 

She replied that I was Johnston, the proprietor of the wholesale jewelryhouse that he had been dealing with. 

He turned to me and said:

"See here! I paid your agent for those goods when I bought them. "

"Did you? Well, your wife has been kind enough to pay for them again, and I guess the receipt I just gave her is about the only one you canproduce. "

She then called her husband and myself to the adjoining room, andquickly turning to him, said very excitedly:

"See here, John. This man knows me, and knows that I committed larceny, and grand larceny at that, and was going to have me arres--"

"Larceny, did you say?" he interrupted, "what in ---- have _you_ beenstealin'?"

"Well, I hain't _stole_ nothin', John; but you know I hain't got nodivorce from Uriah, " she answered. 

"Oh, divorce be ----! you infernal fool. That's bigamy, you idiot; notlarceny. "

I then began to laugh, and said to him:

"Mr. ----, do you remember writing me a letter, once upon a time, tellingme to go to the devil for that account, and that it would be a cold daywhen I got my pay; and I answered you, saying that I would some daycatch you napping and get even with you?"

His wife saw her mistake at once, and looked and acted silly enough. 

He ripped and tore and swore, and threatened to throw me out; but I toldhim he needn't be to that trouble, as I was ready to leave, and would goout alone. 

The next hard case I had came up a few days later. We drove into ReedCity, and soon learned that our customer had sold out three days before. We then went to the hotel, and after putting our team out I began asearch for my man, and was informed that he was carrying about twothousand dollars around in his pocket, and had refused to pay any one. There were any number of creditors at the hotel, who had been trying tocollect, but were not successful. 

I called on the man who had bought him out, and was assured that he hadpaid him eighteen hundred dollars cash, and furthermore, that he carriedthat money in his pocket. 

Half an hour later I met the delinquent, and said:

"How are you, Mr. ----? Come into the hotel and take a cigar. "

He did so, and I said:

"It's too bad you have had such poor success. What are you going to donow?"

He looked very serious, and said he didn't know. 

I then invited him up to my room, where I was going to fix up some traysof jewelry. He followed me, and as soon as we were inside I closed thedoor, locked it, put the key in my pocket, threw off my hat and coat, took out my watch, and holding it in my hand, said:

"Mr. ----, I'll give you just two minutes by my watch to pay meninety-nine dollars, and if you don't do so within that time I'll notpromise that there will be a grease-spot left of you when I get through. I want you to distinctly understand that I am out on a collecting tour, and I mean money or blood; so now, sir, take your choice: either settleor the consequences; you have less than two minutes to decide in. "

He turned pale, and became much excited and declared he hadn't a centwith him. 

"Then it's your misfortune, sir. I'm going to 'do you up' or collectninety-nine dollars right now, whether you have a cent with you or not;you deserve it anyhow. "

"Johnston, what can I do?" said he. 

"Settle; settle, of course; and you now have but one minute to do it in, and I'm not certain but it will be your last minute on earth if youdon't. "

"Well, Johnston, suppose I settle with you, will you agree not to let myother creditors know it?"

"No sir, I'll not agree to anything of the kind; on the contrary, Ishall tell every one just how I brought you to terms, and you have but ahalf minute left. "

He then produced a leather pocket-book filled with bills of largedenomination, and counted me out ten ten-dollar bills. 

I thanked him, and told him I'd just keep the extra dollar forinterest, and then wrote him a receipt in full. He said he intended topay me, anyhow. I told him I intended he should, and asked how he likedmy system. 

He looked foolish, and said he thought I'd come out winner, if I didn'tget killed some day in trying to collect. He further said that he'd betI'd run across some one some day who would give me a good trouncing. 

I told him I had it all figured out that I could afford to take one goodthreshing for every five dead beats, provided I could collect from theother four. 

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXXIV. 

ANOTHER HORSE TRADE--A HEAVY LOSS--PLAYING DETECTIVE--MY VISIT HOME--ARETROSPECT--CALLING IN MY AGENTS--A NEW SCHEME--IT'S A WINNER--MR. KEEFER AND MY MOTHER VISIT CHICAGO--HIS VERDICT, "IT DOES BEAT THEDEVIL. "

We continued to travel by team, and my great stronghold was to collectbad debts, many of which I collected almost by force. 

[Illustration: TRAVELING BY TANDEM TEAM. --PAGE 624. ]

On this trip one of our horses became lame, and one morning just as wewere ready to start out from the hotel a gentleman came driving up witha fine-looking span of horses, that, although appearing rather green andawkward, made a very handsome and stylish pair. He stopped near ourcarriage, and I inquired how old his horses were. He said four years. Iasked:

"How will you trade teams with me?"

After looking my horses over carefully, and without leaving hiscarriage, he replied:

"For one hundred and twenty-five dollars to boot. "

"All right, sir. Here is your money, " and I counted it out and handed itover to him. 

"But what sort of a team are you trading me?"

"No matter, sir. You have got your money, so unhitch, and I'll do thesame. "

He hesitated a moment, but when the crowd of men standing by beganlaughing at him, he commenced to unhitch. 

Before leaving him I remarked that I had too much business on hand tospend any time with a lame horse, nor did I care to dicker a minute on ahorse trade. 

Ten minutes later we were driving off with a pair of colts that hadnever been hitched or driven but three times. 

We finished our business in Northern Michigan, and drove this team home, where I broke them to drive tandem. 

The following spring I started on the road with my team hitched tandemto a two-wheeled cart with my advertisement on the side and back. 

A few weeks later I hired a Mr. Rhodes to travel for me, and he tookcharge of the tandem team and traveled with them. They made a splendidadvertisement for my business and it was looked upon by our customers asquite a novel way to travel. 

I now remained at home and had my hands full looking after the failuresthat were coming thick and fast. It seemed to me that every other manwho failed was owing me. 

Dr. Frank was still with me and rendered very valuable service in thecollection of hard accounts. He had not entirely gotten over hispugilistic propensities, and whenever I found it necessary to instructhim to call on a dead beat and "bring something back with him, " hegenerally returned with a wad of money or a wad of hair. 

About this time I had a little experience myself, at a town in Ohio, which might be worth mentioning. One of my customers, a retail jeweler, was owing me over eleven hundred dollars. As we could get no word fromhim in answer to our request for a remittance, we made a draft on him, and were informed by the banker that the firm had "gone up" three orfour weeks before; also that the store was being run by a man who hadbought it at sheriff's sale to satisfy a chattel mortgage. Only twomonths before, I had received a statement from the proprietor, whoclaimed that the stock was free from incumbrance, and everything in goodshape. So I concluded that an open swindle had been perpetrated. 

I took the train for the town where he was doing business, and on myarrival learned that the other creditors had been there ahead of me, andnot one had succeeded in getting the least satisfaction. I visited thestore, and could not see a single article in the show-cases that I couldidentify as goods I had sold him. This alone convinced me more than everthat I had been swindled completely out of my goods. 

I instituted a vigorous search for a clew of some kind which might leadto their discovery, but without success; and was just about to leavetown when I inquired if the late jewelry firm had employed any clerks orerrand boys before collapsing. 

Upon learning that they had employed a small boy then residing with theex-manager, and realizing that my chances for getting information fromthat quarter would be pretty slim, I inquired if the lad had anyrelatives living there. The hotel clerk told me that his father andsister were living but a short distance away, and pointed out the houseto me. I called at once, but with not an inkling of an idea of what Iwould say or do when I should be admitted; and trusting implicitly tothe inspiration of the moment. 

When I rapped at the door, it was opened by a tall, lank, angular andcadaverous-looking young woman of about eighteen, who by the way was bigenough to peddle grind-stones. 

I was surprised to learn that she was a sister of the lad referred to, as I had gotten the impression that she was much younger. 

The instant I saw the style of person I had to deal with, it occurred tome that a little stratagem might be worth several hundred dollars to me, if properly directed, just at that particular time. Without a moment'sreflection, and before she had time to offer me a chair, I stepped backas if greatly amazed, and said:

"Miss ----, I never was more surprised--I never saw anything like it--Ican't believe my own eyes--it seems like a dream. "

"What do you mean?"

"Why, do you know, you are the exact image of a young lady I was onceengaged to; and she died on the very day set for the wedding. I neversaw anything like it!"

I then told her my name and business. She had often heard her brotherspeak of such a wholesale jewelry house; and I could see that she was onher guard, and probably knew more than she intended to convey. Convincedof this, I felt certain that I had made a good beginning, and that thefirst thing for me to do was to pour love into her ear, and win her overto my side if possible. So I returned to my former subject withoutdelay, and after repeating the statement that she was the image of mydeceased love, I told her that she was the first and only person I hadever met since that sad day, who interested me. 

She smiled serenely, and did not seem displeased. 

I next asked her if she was married. 

She was not, and declared there was no favorable prospect. 

I replied that perhaps her prospects were better than she supposed. 

She smiled again, and seemed even less displeased than before, and movedher chair nearer mine. 

I then began talking at a rapid rate, giving her no chance whatever toexpress herself, and directing my remarks in a way that would cause herto think I matrimonially inclined. By this time she had finished chewingoff one corner of her apron and had tackled the other. Her eyes werefairly dancing with delight. 

Her cheeks had flushed considerably, and she seemed at a loss to knowwhat to do with her brawny hands and ponderous feet. 

I quickly observed that my scheme was working to a charm and continuedmy love-making, asserting myself boldly; then to test her feeling in thematter, I asked her to express herself freely, without hesitation, as Ididn't care to have my affections trifled with. 

Then drawing her chair nearer mine, she remarked, in her mostfascinating manner, that the only feller she ever did like had red hairand a large red moustache; then, having finished up the apron, sheblurted out:

"How many times you ben married? Mebbe you got one or two wives neow. "

"For gracious' sake! do you think I look as though I'd ever beenmarried? I guess I'll leave. "

"Well, I don't know's you do; but you look like you'd make an awful niceman. "

She moved her chair still closer to mine. 

I now thought it the proper time to spring a little tragedy on her. Suddenly changing the subject by referring to the late jewelry firm'sfailure, I confidentially informed her of my great loss. Then I jumpedto my feet, and a moment later began prancing around the room, ravinglike a maniac. After that I related to her how I had placed confidencein those scoundrels, and as my loss was so severe unless I should befortunate enough to get my goods back, I would soon be a ruined manfinancially. 

Her sympathies were at once aroused, and she began to show signs of adesire to say or do something in my behalf, when suddenly she changedher mind and became silent. I talked more love, and immediately gotanother spell on, and pranced around but a few times when she made adash for me; and as I caught her before she had time to make a completefall, she straightened up, and placing her hands on my shoulders, said:

"Mr. Johnston, dare I tell you what I know?"

[Illustration: "MR. JOHNSTON, DARE I TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW?"--PAGE 635. ]

"Yes, you dare. "

"Well, I'll tell you something; but please don't give me away. "

I assured her that her name would never be mentioned. So she told methat I would find several packages of jewelry and watches in the bureaudrawers, at the house of a certain family then in town. Her brother hadtold her this. I thanked her, and would have kissed her had she not beenso beastly homely. 

I bade her good-bye, promising to return soon, and started for mylawyer's office, consoling myself as I went with the thought that anhour and a half courtship would not be likely to break her heart ordrive her crazy, when she should learn the facts of the case. 

After detailing to the lawyer the information I had gained, we decidedto proceed to a Justice of the Peace and get out a search warrant forthe goods and a State warrant for the arrest of the ex-manager. My legaladviser explained to me that the searching of a person's residencewithout finding what we were after, might result seriously, as the ownercould enter suit against me for damages. 

While I was not desirous of getting into trouble by such procedure, Iwas nevertheless anxious to procure my goods, and determined to risk it. 

While the lawyers were making out the papers I went to the hotel, andwhile there, was called upon by the ex-manager, who apparently realizedthat there was something in the wind, and showed plainly that he wasnervous and excited. 

He asked my intentions, telling me he would aid me all he could infinding the former proprietor. 

I requested him to accompany me to the Justice's office; and there Ishowed him the warrants, and told him they would be ready to serve inabout one minute. As we had an officer present to serve the papers, hebegan to feel himself getting into close quarters. So calling me to oneside he asked if I would be willing to drop the matter if he would turnover to me eleven hundred dollars' worth of goods. 

"I'll take fifteen hundred dollars' worth, and drop it; that amount willpay me for all my trouble and expense. "

"But I haven't got only thirteen hundred and fifty dollars' worth. I'llgive you all I have, and the stock consists of the choicest line ofsolid gold jewelry and watches. "

I accepted his offer, of course. The goods were as he represented, thevery choicest line of watches and jewelry. 

I then selected a handsome present for my new girl, and returned withit to her house. Before letting her know just how I had fooled her, Idetermined to ascertain, if possible, the whereabouts of the formerproprietor of the store, as I wanted a bill of sale from him fearingthat the ex-manager's title might not be good, and the acceptance of abill of sale from him would be taking chances. 

Upon arriving at the girl's house I told her of my success, and asked ifshe would not see her brother at once, and try and get the informationdesired. She surprised me by saying that her brother had left the housebut a few moments before, and had told her that the man I wanted was atSalina, Kansas. I then surprised her by the information of the fact thatI had been playing detective. 

After assuring her that no one in town knew or should know from whatsource I got my information, I atoned for all the deception used, andfor what prevaricating I had done, by handing her the gift of jewelry, which made her eyes fairly pop out of her head. She seemed to haveinstantly forgotten all about our previous love-making, which convincedme that she was better satisfied with the present than she would havebeen with me. 

On my way home I stopped off at Clyde to visit my folks, staying onenight. I carried the watches and jewelry with me; and having telegraphedthat I was coming, Mr. Keefer met me at the train with a horse andcarriage, and we took the goods to the house. I had a nice visit withthe old folks and my little son; and after showing them the watches andjewelry, related the incidents of my trip, how I got possession of thegoods, and "just how it all happened. "

My mother said she had always thought I would make a better detectivethan anything else. Mr. Keefer said "it did beat the devil. "

That night we reviewed the past eighteen years, with much interest. Werecalled the many ups and downs I had met with; and my parentscongratulated me, not only on the pluck and energy I had persistentlyshown, but also for being able to stand prosperity. 

Mr. Keefer repeated what I had often heard him say years before, that"he knew I'd make it win some day. " He said he had always contended thatas long as I kept from spending money foolishly, and only lost it intrying to make money, that I must certainly some day profit by myexperience, and come out ahead. 

He evinced great interest in my affairs by wanting to talk continuallywith reference to my business, and would converse about nothing else thewhole evening. 

My mother didn't know what to say. 

On my arrival home I wrote to the Salina, Kansas, man, telling him thatI had a lot of goods in my possession turned over to me by hisex-manager; and unless he came on to Chicago within five days, and gaveme a bill of sale for them, I would have him brought back by officers. He came, and did as I requested. 

This late experience, in connection with several other large losses Ihad sustained through the sales of traveling agents, convinced me morethan ever that my business was being constantly jeopardized by theircarelessness in conducting sales. 

I had for some time been figuring on an original plan of advertising, bywhich I felt certain of success. So I decided to call my agents in anddischarge them. Then I began at once to spend time and money liberallyin advertising. The result was that my business grew rapidly, and tosuch an extent that I was compelled to increase my force of clerks, andto keep renting and adding on more room every few months, till atpresent I employ a very large force of help, and occupy ten times asmuch room as when I first commenced at my present location, and amsupplying jewelry to the leading merchants in all parts of the UnitedStates. 

When I called my agents in to discharge them, with a view toexperimenting with my advertising scheme, Bert, (who by this time hadbecome thoroughly sophisticated, and had proved himself a competent andtrustworthy young man, ) said that, as he had laid up a few hundreddollars, he would like to buy goods from me and sell for himself, thesame as I had done, and the same as Albert was then doing. I agreed tosell to him on similar terms. 

He began at once, and was very successful--so much so that on the firstof January of the present year he also opened an office of his own inthe same building where I am located; he buys direct from themanufacturers, and conducts a wholesale business for himself. So muchfor the unsophisticated country lad who had pluck and energy enough tostrike out upon the world, and aim for something better than aclerkship in a country store. 

Dr. Frank was still traveling for me when I ordered the agents in, andwas the last to respond, being about three days late. When I inquiredthe reason, he replied that the last man he called upon to collect fromhad shown a disposition to get out of paying the bill; and as that wasto be his last chance, he concluded to stay till he got either thefellow's scalp or the amount due me. He got the latter. He then remarkedthat while traveling through Dakota he had found a quarter-section ofGovernment land which he had taken as a homestead. He then returnedthere. 

The following fall who should turn up again but Dr. Frank, from Pierre, Dakota, and on arriving here found himself "broke. " He called on me andsaid:

"Now, Johnston, you were the first to get me mixed up in this Doctorbusiness, and but for our experience in setting the old woman's ankleand your dubbing me Doctor, I never would have thought of becoming aphysician. As it is, I am anxious to remain here during the winter andattend medical lectures at Hahnemann College, and I know of no onebetter able to loan me the money to do it with, than you. "

"All right, Dr. Frank; you can call around every Saturday, when we arepaying off our help, and draw enough to meet your weekly expenses. "

It is not necessary to say that he never missed a pay day. 

It will be remembered that he had previously spent one winter attendinglectures at Ann Arbor. The following spring myself and wife byinvitation attended the commencement exercises of the college, and hadthe pleasure of seeing him graduate, a full-fledged Doctor. 

As I witnessed this little scene, the picture of Frank while pulling theold woman's leg, and the knowing look he gave her after the ankle poppedback into its socket, came vividly before me. It seemed more like adream than a reality, when I shook him by the hand and congratulated himon being a genuine M. D. He is now a successful practitioner at Baldwin, Michigan, and has made an especially good record as a surgeon. Experiencing but little difficulty in building up a lucrative practice, he was not long in repaying me the amount borrowed for college expenses. 

About this time Mr. Keefer made his first and only visit to Chicago, accompanied by my mother and my son Frankie. Mr. Keefer had beendesirous for some time of visiting the city, to see how "that boy"managed his business. On their arrival, I escorted them to my store, when, after looking over the several clerks and book-keepers, Mr. Keeferasked:

"Who are all these people working for?"

"Why, they are working for me. "

Just then the postman came in with a large package of letters, and whenI began opening them, and extracting money orders, drafts, checks andcurrency, he gazed steadily for a few moments and said:

"Is that all money, Perry?"

"Certainly; checks and drafts are as good as cash. "

"But where do you get it from?"

"From Maine to California, and from Manitoba to Mexico. "

He looked on quietly for a few moments, and turning to my mother, said:

"Well, it does beat the devil. "

I took a great deal of pleasure in showing him the city, and escortinghim to the many places of interest and amusement. My mother had oftenvisited the larger cities, and was not so much interested as he was. 

Although it was his first visit, I paid him the compliment of appearingmore accustomed to city life than any person I had ever seen who hadnever before been away from his own neighborhood. From his cool, unexcitable, matter-of-fact way, one would have supposed that he hadalways been inured to the excitement and bustle of the city. 

[Illustration: SPIN ON THE BOULEVARD WITH MR. KEEFER. ]

On the first pleasant day after their arrival, I took Mr. Keefer a whirldown the boulevard, behind a handsome pair of chestnut-sorrel horseswhich I had dealt for a few days before. As we went dashing along at alively rate he hung to his hat with one hand and to the buggy with theother, and asked what such a team cost me. When I answered his question, he said:

"That team is worth more than all the horses we ever had on our farm atany one time. Well, I always said you'd 'get there' some day, Perry. "

A few days prior to his visit, I had made a trade for a half interest ina livery and sale stable, owned and run by an old acquaintance namedKintz, who is mentioned in the seventh chapter of this book. He is theman who was running a bakery at Clyde, and whose gold watch I traded tothe Telegraph Operator, receiving five dollars to boot from each ofthem, which I placed to my own credit as middleman. 

John had come on to Chicago and opened this stable, after several years'experience in a Michigan town in the same business, and I had made adeal with him for a half interest. 

After Mr. Keefer and I had finished our ride, I drove the team to ourbarn, and jumping out, ordered them taken care of; and as my partner wasaway, I also began giving orders about the general business, andreprimanded one of the hostlers for neglecting his work. 

Mr. Keefer was unable to understand the meaning of this, and finallyasked what right I had to be ordering those men around. 

I told him I owned a half interest in the business. 

He gazed at me a moment, and in his usual good-natured manner, said:

"Well it does beat the devil. "

The recollection of this visit affords me a great deal of satisfactionnow, as he died about a year afterwards. When visiting me he showed thekeenest interest in my success, and declared that since his own had notbeen what he had desired, he was now only anxious to live long enoughto see what the outcome of my business would be, and he continued toevince this same interest up to the very day of his death. 

After the Physicians had given him up he requested them to telegraph meat once, which they did, and he fought for forty-eight hours againstfalling asleep, fearing, as he claimed, that he might not arousesufficiently to recognize "that boy" when he should arrive. 

A few months after Mr. Keefer's visit to Chicago my wife and I were outriding one Saturday evening, and drove to Woodlawn Park--a Chicagosuburb. She casually remarked that she would like to own a home outthere, and go to housekeeping, as she was tired of boarding. Just as shehad finished expressing herself, we met a gentleman on the street, and Iasked him if he knew of any property for sale there. 

He replied: "My name is W. D. True; I am a real estate man and havethree houses right near by for sale, " and though it was then quite dark, he offered to show us one of them if we would drive over on Sheridanavenue. 

We did so and he showed us through the house, to a great disadvantage, however, as we had no light except an occasional match which he wouldstrike when calling our attention to some special feature. 

I asked his price and terms, and in less than fifteen minutes from thetime I first met him, I had bargained for the property, and instructedhim to call at my office Monday morning with papers to sign, and get acheck for the amount of the first payment. 

He appeared rather incredulous, and seemed doubtful of my sincerity, andwhen he called on Monday morning as requested, and closed the deal asagreed upon, he looked me over carefully as though not quite certain ofmy sanity, and finally said:

"Well, Mr. Johnston, I have been in the real estate business for a longtime and have transacted business with many different men, but there aretwo things I have done with you that I never did before. "

"What are they?" I asked. 

"Well, I never sold a house in the dark before, nor have I ever closed adeal of this kind in fifteen minutes before, and never heard of asimilar case, especially with entire strangers. "

We took possession on the first of September, and immediately began thebuilding of a barn which was completed in due time. 

We very soon became dissatisfied with suburban life, and anxious toreturn to the city; but having expended considerable money in buildingthe barn, and other improvements, we decided to remain at all hazards. 

Six months later one of my most valuable horses was taken sick, and diedon a Saturday morning. On the following Monday, just as I had gottensettled down to business in my office, I received a telephone messagefrom a friend at Woodlawn Park, to the effect that my barn was on fire, but that my horses, harnesses and carriages were all safe. 

I immediately said to my wife:

"Well, you can get ready to move now. A horse died Saturday, the barnburned Monday and we'll move Tuesday. "

So saying, I called up my printer, Mr. G. M. D. Libby, by telephone, anddictated a hand-bill to be printed _immediately_, advertising all of ourhousehold furniture to be sold at auction. 

The bills were run off at once, and before the fire engines and crowdshad left the scene of the fire, I was on the ground distributingcirculars. 

The question was frequently asked, who was going to be the auctioneer. I would reply that I thought of trying it myself. This amused thequestioners and I had a large crowd in attendance, many of whom no doubtcame to hear me in my first effort at auctioneering. The evening afterthe sale I called at of the grocery stores in the town, and several menwere discussing me as an auctioneer, and all agreed that for a beginnerI did mighty well. One man said that a person would naturally supposethat the fellow had had years of experience as an auctioneer. 

We moved immediately after making the sale, and found a tenant for thehouse without any trouble; and as I have been offered an advance ofseveral hundred dollars on the price I paid for the place, I have had noreason to regret my hasty purchase. I lost but little on the sale of myhousehold goods, and collected insurance for a portion of the loss onthe barn, so I came out pretty well after all. 

We were glad enough, however, to get back to the city, and rented asuite of rooms at the Pullman Building, which we still occupy; and beinglocated near my place of business, we find it much pleasanter, andwaste no time running after and waiting for, suburban trains. 

During our residence at Woodlawn Park, we became so accustomed torunning to catch trains, that through force of habit, no matter where wewere, or how far from a Railroad track, the moment we would hear thesound of a bell ringing, or a steam whistle blowing, our first impulsewas to start on the dead run. 

I will here mention the particulars of a trade I made for the barber'sshop, while residing in the suburb. 

One day I traded for a small, handsome horse, and the following morningsaddled him and went out for a horse-back ride. On my return I happenedto stop in front of the barber shop, when the tonsorial artist asked howI'd trade my horse for the shop. 

"I'll leave it with you, " was my reply. 

"I'll trade even. "

"All right, sir; it's a bargain. Come and get the horse, and give me thekeys. "

So saying, I dismounted and took possession. After mounting the animal, he said he'd take it to the barn, and return in a few moments andcontinue to run the shop for me till I could hire another barber. Hethen left me in charge. No sooner had he done so than a well-dressedstranger came rushing into the shop, threw off his hat and coat, took aseat in the chair, and said:

"Please hurry up, Mr. Barber, as I want to catch the next train for thecity. "

Expecting the barber to return at once, I thought it a good idea to tryand hold my first customer till he should arrive. I therefore threw offmy hat and coat, grabbed the mug, made a lot of lather, and begandaubing it on as thick as possible all over his face. I then wiped itoff, and lathered him again, expecting the barber in every minute totake the job off my hands. 

As he did not come, I was obliged to resort to the towel the secondtime, and lather him once more. Then stepping to the door to see if thebarber was visible, and discovering that he was not I returned to mycustomer, and wiping off his face began lathering him again. I now sawthat he was getting nervous and anxious, and concluded to try andentertain him with some sort of a "ghost story. " Just as I was trying toconjure up something to "spring on him" he remarked that I wasn't verysparing of my soap. 

"No, sir. I am not stingy with soap; and by the way, this soap isdifferent from any you ever saw before. This, sir, is the homa-jona, radical, tragical, incomprehensible compound extract of thedouble-distilled rute-te-tute shaving soap. "

I then went on with my auction talk on soap already familiar to thereader, and spun it out to him as rapidly as I could, without a pause, or the least hesitation. 

While doing so, instead of making my usual gestures, I kept the brushfull of lather, and with increased enthusiasm slashed it on, first onone side and then on the other, till I had gone through a large part ofmy auction talk. 

Meanwhile I had been constantly thinking of a story told me, when but asmall boy, of a young man in a country town who had been placed inalmost exactly the same predicament that I was in at that moment. I madeup my mind, if worse came to worse, I would get out of my scrape thesame as the other fellow did. 

Therefore, having nearly finished my soap talk, I wiped his face oncemore, and had made up a lot of new lather to give him one more round, when I squared myself in front of him in a confidential way, and said:

"And another thing about this soap that I haven't told you about, is----"

"Well, by Heavens! man, " he interrupted, "you have got to hurry. "

I saw that the poor fellow was fairly paralyzed, and didn't know whetherto try and make his escape or not. 

"Sure enough, " I replied, as I lathered him up again, and went on withmore talk about my soap. I felt certain that the barber would returnbefore I could finish lathering him this time; but he did not and I wasobliged to wipe off his face again, and had succeeded in giving one morecoat of lather, when he raised up in the chair and said:

"Great guns! ain't you ever going to shave me?"

"Oh!" I answered, with apparent surprise, "do you want to get shaved?"

"Why, of course I do, you infernal fool! What do you suppose I----?"

"Oh, well, " I replied, recalling the aforesaid story to mind, "you getshaved across the street. We only lather, here. "

[Illustration: OH WELL, YOU GET SHAVED ACROSS THE STREET, ETC. --PAGE656. ]

He jumped from the chair, snatched a towel from the rack, wiped off partof the lather, seized his hat and coat, and was swearing like a pirate, as he rushed out with his ears and neck full of lather. 

Just as he passed out the barber came in, and I called, "Next!" at thetop of my voice. After crossing the street he started for the depot, butcontinued to gaze towards the barber shop with a look of vengeance, ashe wiped off the lather with his handkerchief. 

The barber was at a loss to understand the meaning of such actions onthe part of a customer; but I readily explained to him that the fellowwas mad because he didn't like our kind of soap. 

A few moments later one of the regular customers came in, and had justtaken his seat in the chair, when I noticed marked on the mirror infront of him, "Shaving, 10 cents. "

I stepped to the glass and wiping the cipher off, made a 5 in its place. Our customer quickly asked what that meant. I replied:

"That means that this shop has changed hands, and from this time on, prices on all work done here will be sufficient to warrant success. "

He jumped to his feet, declaring that he would not allow any man to comesuch a game on him, and that he'd never pay fifteen cents for a shave. He left the shop in high dudgeon, and the barber declared I'd ruin thebusiness in less than ten days. 

I kept the price up, however, and after hiring a man to run it, made ita paying investment. A few months later I sold out to the man who nowruns it. About a week after my experience in the barber shop, my horsesand carriage had been driven around in front of my place of business, and myself and wife were about to take a drive. Two or threeacquaintances happened along, and we conversed with them for a fewmoments before driving away. I noticed my late victim standing on thesidewalk staring at me with all the eyes he had. We drove away, leavinghim still staring. 

Not long after this, one of these friends just referred to came to myoffice, and asked if I had anything to do with a barber shop at WoodlawnPark. 

With apparent surprise, I asked the meaning of the inquiry. He said theday we went out for a drive a strange gentleman stepped up to him andasked what that man's name was, and what he was doing with such a team. My friend answered, "Why, that is Johnston, the wholesale jeweler, andhe owns that team. "

"Wholesale nothing!" was the reply. "He is the barber at Woodlawn, orthinks he is, at least, and I'll bet he never owned a dog, to saynothing of a team like that. "

He was assured that he was mistaken. 

He became excited, and offered to bet any amount that that fellow wasthe barber at Woodlawn, and he guessed he knew what he was talkingabout, and that he would know that fellow among a million. 

 * * * * *

Before bringing this volume to a close I wish to say for the benefit ofthose who may have met with reverses, and are possibly on the verge ofgiving up all hope of achieving success, that during my "twenty years ofhus'ling" I found the great secret of every success I met with wasenergy. Never quit, never give up, never look on the dark side, and nomatter how dismal the prospects seemed, or how rocky the past had been, I never allowed myself to become disheartened or in any way discouraged. The average man is too willing to let well enough alone. Instead ofmaking his business a constant study with a view of devising some newmethod of conducting it, he is liable to sit down with a self-satisfiedconviction that so long as he is holding his own he should be satisfied. No man can make a greater mistake than to adopt these old-fogy ideas. The idea of being satisfied with their lot, I believe has kept many menfrom progressing; it requires no energy whatever to conclude to let wellenough alone; it is a very easy resolution to make and not a hard one tokeep, and like the bad-luck excuse, is likely to afford muchsatisfaction to those who are not ambitious to push ahead. 

I believe every man should build up his hopes and aspirations, not toextremes, but so far as to elevate his ideas to a realization that amere living should not satisfy him through life, and nothing short ofthe best paying and most prominent position would gratify him. 

The young man starting out in life who for a while only succeeds inholding his own or possibly meets with reserves, should be manly enoughto find no fault, but he should be _too much of a man_ to remainsatisfied with a bare living. 

It pays to be reasonably aggressive in all things. The man who shows adisposition to look out for his own welfare and not be imposed upon byothers, will invariably receive the most attention and be taken the bestcare of under all circumstances. He should not allow false pride ordudish notions to interfere in the least with his business. 

He should realize that the mere comforts of life with a respectableappearance is sufficient for one starting out, and that a few yearshence when he has established for himself a lucrative business with areputation for honesty and business integrity, there will be nolikelihood of any one ever reminding him of his former humblecircumstances. 

He should never attempt to mingle in a social way with those whosefinancial standing and expensive habits of living far exceed his own. While he should cultivate the acquaintance of business men of thehighest standing, it should only be done in a business way. 

When his business shows an increase of profits, he should improve in hismode of living, as a matter of social advancement. 

The young man as a beginner should avoid stingy and penurious methods. This is as often an acquired habit as it is a natural one, and willalways work more or less detrimental to a business. No man can afford tobe close and trifling in his deal. It not only belittles him in the eyesof the world, but he very soon recognizes in himself a person of narrowideas; and the man with a poor opinion of himself will surely not provea success in the business world. While I believe in judicious economy, Idespise penuriousness. 

If a man has but a dollar to spend, I believe he should spend it in asprincely a style as though he had a million left. But if he hasn't thedollar to spare, he should make no pretensions whatever. 

Opportunity has no doubt frequently played a large part in man'ssuccess. In my opinion, however, the most acceptable theory in thescience of commercial success is that every man takes his own. 

That is, the man who is the most sagacious and energetic will never losea chance to take advantage of opportunities, and there is no doubt thatwhat many complain of as being ill luck, is simply the result of theirfailure to grasp the situation that a shrewder man would have takenadvantage of and thereby gained success. 

The average young man in starting out usually endeavors to form aco-partnership with his best friend or nearest neighbor, regardless ofcapital or ability, the result of which is, that each will depend on theother to make the business a success, and neither will be likely todevelop his fullest capacity for doing business. 

The man who has force of character enough to assert his own rights andto carry out his own independent thoughts will usually be the mostsuccessful without a partner. 

The old adage, "A rolling stone gathers no moss, " has not in myexperience always proved a true saying. Nor have I found it to be so inthe experience of many successful men with whom I have come in contact. 

My observation of others has shown me that in many instances men havelost their last dollar in the vain endeavor to successfully carry out abusiness that a short experimental trial should have convinced themwould be a failure. 

As for myself, I am always willing to investigate and experiment, butnot to the extent of risking my last dollar on what a reasonable testproves unprofitable, simply through fear of being considered "a rollingstone. "

I have at present, and have had for some time what might be consideredmany irons in the fire, and have thus far never had any of themseriously burned, owing no doubt to the fact that I always endeavor tosurround myself with competent help, and especially with a goodlieutenant at the head of each business. 

And I have adopted the plan of pushing to its utmost capacity thatwhich, after a reasonable test, showed elements of success, and droppingas I would a hot coal that which proved the reverse. 

My latest business enterprise--although still running the jewelrybusiness with more force than ever--is my connection with the JohnstonCar-seat Company, manufacturing the Emmert Coach and Reclining Car-seat, which has been adopted by many of the leading Railroad companies. 

I mention this to show that I do not believe in the old-fogy theory ofour forefathers, to "let well enough alone;" and were I the possessor offifty times the wealth of Croesus I would never quit, but still keephus'ling. 

THE END.