THE SURPRISING ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN

By Rudolph Erich Raspe

Published in 1895. 

INTRODUCTION

It is a curious fact that of that class of literature to whichMunchausen belongs, that namely of _Voyages Imaginaires_, the threegreat types should have all been created in England. Utopia, RobinsonCrusoe, and Gulliver, illustrating respectively the philosophical, theedifying, and the satirical type of fictitious travel, were all writtenin England, and at the end of the eighteenth century a fourth type, the fantastically mendacious, was evolved in this country. Of this typeMunchausen was the modern original, and remains the classical example. The adaptability of such a species of composition to local and topicaluses might well be considered prejudicial to its chances of obtaining apermanent place in literature. Yet Munchausen has undoubtedly achievedsuch a place. The Baron's notoriety is universal, his characterproverbial, and his name as familiar as that of Mr. Lemuel Gulliver, orRobinson Crusoe, mariner, of York. Condemned by the learned, like someother masterpieces, as worthless, Munchausen's travels have obtainedsuch a world-wide fame, that the story of their origin possesses ageneral and historic interest apart from whatever of obscurity or ofcuriosity it may have to recommend it. 

The work first appeared in London in the course of the year 1785. Nocopy of the first edition appears to be accessible; it seems, however, to have been issued some time in the autumn, and in the _CriticalReview_ for December 1785 there is the following notice: "BaronMunchausen's Narrative of his Marvellous Travels and Campaignsin Russia. Small 8vo, IS. (Smith). This is a satirical productioncalculated to throw ridicule on the bold assertions of someparliamentary declaimers. If rant may be best foiled at its own weapons, the author's design is not ill-founded; for the marvellous has neverbeen carried to a more whimsical and ludicrous extent. " The reviewer hadprobably read the work through from one paper cover to the other. It wasin fact too short to bore the most blasé of his kind, consisting ofbut forty-nine small octavo pages. The second edition, which is in theBritish Museum, bears the following title; "Baron Munchausen's Narrativeof his Marvellous Travels and Campaigns in Russia; humbly dedicated andrecommended to country gentlemen, and if they please to be repeated astheir own after a hunt, at horse races, in watering places, and othersuch polite assemblies; round the bottle and fireside. Smith. Printed atOxford. 1786. " The fact that this little pamphlet again consists of butforty-nine small octavo pages, combined with the similarity of title(as far as that of the first edition is given in the _Critical Review_), publisher, and price, affords a strong presumption that it was identicalwith the first edition. This edition contains only chapters ii. , iii. , iv. , v. , and vi. (pp. 10-44) of the present reprint. These chapters arethe best in the book and their substantial if peculiar merit can hardlybe denied, but the pamphlet appears to have met with little success, and early in 1786 Smith seems to have sold the property to anotherbookseller, Kearsley. Kearsley had it enlarged, but not, we areexpressly informed, in the preface to the seventh edition, by the handof the original author (who happened to be in Cornwall at the time). Healso had it illustrated and brought it out in the same year in bookform at the enhanced price of two shillings, under the title: "GulliverReviv'd: The Singular Travels, Campaigns, Voyages and SportingAdventures of Baron Munnikhouson commonly pronounced Munchausen; as herelates them over a bottle when surrounded by his friends. A new editionconsiderably enlarged with views from the Baron's drawings. London. 1786. " A well-informed _Critical Reviewer_ would have amended the titlethus: "Lucian reviv'd: or Gulliver Beat with his own Bow. "

Four editions now succeeded each other with rapidity and withoutmodification. A German translation appeared in 1786 with the imprintLondon: it was, however, in reality printed by Dieterich at Göttingen. It was a free rendering of the fifth edition, the preface being a clumsycombination of that prefixed to the original edition with that whichKearsley had added to the third. 

The fifth edition (which is, with the exception of trifling differenceson the title-page, identical with the third, fourth, and sixth) isalso that which has been followed in the present reprint down to theconclusion of chapter twenty, where it ends with the words "the greatquadrangle. " The supplement treating of Munchausen's extraordinaryflight on the back of an eagle over France to Gibraltar, South and NorthAmerica, the Polar Regions, and back to England is derived from theseventh edition of 1793, which has a new sub-title:--"Gulliver reviv'd, or the Vice of Lying properly exposed. " The preface to this enlargededition also informs the reader that the last four editions had met withextraordinary success, and that the supplementary chapters, all, thatis, with the exception of chapters ii. , iii. , iv. , v. , and vi. , whichare ascribed to Baron Munchausen himself, were the production of anotherpen, written, however, in the Baron's manner. To the same ingeniousperson the public was indebted for the engravings with which the bookwas embellished. The seventh was the last edition by which the classictext of Munchausen was seriously modified. Even before this importantconsummation had been arrived at, a sequel, which was within a fractionas long as the original work (it occupies pp. 163-299 of this volume), had appeared under the title, "A Sequel to the Adventures of BaronMunchausen. . . . Humbly dedicated to Mr. Bruce the Abyssiniantraveller, as the Baron conceives that it may be some service to him, previous to his making another journey into Abyssinia. But if thisadvice does not delight Mr. Bruce, the Baron is willing to fight him onany terms he pleases. " This work was issued separately. London, 1792, 8vo. 

Such is the history of the book during the first eight or constructiveyears of its existence, beyond which it is necessary to trace it, untilat least we have touched upon the long-vexed question of its authorship. 

Munchausen's travels have in fact been ascribed to as many differenthands as those of Odysseus. But (as in most other respects) it differsfrom the more ancient fabulous narrative in that its authorship hasbeen the subject of but little controversy. Many people have entertainederroneous notions as to its authorship, which they have circulated withcomplete assurance; but they have not felt it incumbent upon them tosupport their own views or to combat those of other people. It has, moreover, been frequently stated with equal confidence and inaccuracythat the authorship has never been settled. An early and persistentversion of the genesis of the travels was that they took their originfrom the rivalry in fabulous tales of three accomplished students atGöttingen University, Bürger, Kästner, and Lichtenberg; another ran thatGottfried August Bürger, the German poet and author of "Lenore, " had ata later stage of his career met Baron Munchausen in Pyrmont and takendown the stories from his own lips. Percy in his anecdotes attributesthe Travels to a certain Mr. M. (Munchausen also began with an M. )who was imprisoned at Paris during the Reign of Terror. Southey in his"Omniana" conjectured, from the coincidences between two of the talesand two in a Portuguese periodical published in 1730, that the Englishfictions must have been derived from the Portuguese. William West thebookseller and numerous followers have stated that Munchausen owed itsfirst origin to Bruce's Travels, and was written for the purpose ofburlesquing that unfairly treated work. Pierer boldly stated that it wasa successful anonymous satire upon the English government of the day, while Meusel with equal temerity affirmed in his "Lexikon" that the bookwas a translation of the "well-known Munchausen lies" executed from a(non-existent) German original by Rudolph Erich Raspe. A writer in the_Gentleman's Magazine_ for 1856 calls the book the joint production ofBürger and Raspe. 

Of all the conjectures, of which these are but a selection, the mostaccurate from a German point of view is that the book was the work ofBürger, who was the first to dress the Travels in a German garb, andwas for a long time almost universally credited with the soleproprietorship. Bürger himself appears neither to have claimed nordisclaimed the distinction. There is, however, no doubt whatever thatthe book first appeared in English in 1785, and that Bürger's Germanversion did not see the light until 1786. The first German edition(though in reality printed at Göttingen) bore the imprint London, and was stated to be derived from an English source; but this was, reasonably enough, held to be merely a measure of precaution in case theactual Baron Munchausen (who was a well-known personage in Göttingen)should be stupid enough to feel aggrieved at being made the butt of agross caricature. In this way the discrepancy of dates mentioned abovemight easily have been obscured, and Bürger might still have beencredited with a work which has proved a better protection againstoblivion than "Lenore, " had it not been for the officious sensitivenessof his self-appointed biographer, Karl von Reinhard. Reinhard, in ananswer to an attack made upon his hero for bringing out Munchausen asa pot-boiler in German and English simultaneously, definitely stated inthe _Berlin Gesellschafters_ of November 1824, that the real author ofthe original work was that disreputable genius, Rudolph Erich Raspe, andthat the German work was merely a free translation made by Bürger fromthe fifth edition of the English work. Bürger, he stated, was well awareof, but was too high-minded to disclose the real authorship. 

Taking Reinhard's solemn asseveration in conjunction with theascertained facts of Raspe's career, his undoubted acquaintance with theBaron Munchausen of real life and the first appearance of the work in1785, when Raspe was certainly in England, there seems to be littledifficulty in accepting his authorship as a positive fact. There is nodifficulty whatever, in crediting Raspe with a sufficient mastery ofEnglish idiom to have written the book without assistance, for as earlyas January 1780 (since which date Raspe had resided uninterruptedlyin this country) Walpole wrote to his friend Mason that "Raspe writesEnglish much above ill and speaks it as readily as French, " and shortlyafterwards he remarked that he wrote English "surprisingly well. " Inthe next year, 1781, Raspe's absolute command of the two languagesencouraged him to publish two moderately good prose-translations, one ofLessing's "Nathan the Wise, " and the other of Zachariae's Mock-heroic, "Tabby in Elysium. " The erratic character of the punctuation may besaid, with perfect impartiality, to be the only distinguishing featureof the style of the original edition of "Munchausen. "

Curious as is this long history of literary misappropriation, thechequered career of the rightful author, Rudolph Erich Raspe, offers achapter in biography which has quite as many points of singularity. 

Born in Hanover in 1737, Raspe studied at the Universities of Göttingenand Leipsic. He is stated also to have rendered some assistance toa young nobleman in sowing his wild oats, a sequel to his universitycourse which may possibly help to explain his subsequent aberrations. The connection cannot have lasted long, as in 1762, having alreadyobtained reputation as a student of natural history and antiquities, he obtained a post as one of the clerks in the University Library atHanover. 

No later than the following year contributions written in elegantLatin are to be found attached to his name in the Leipsic _Nova ActaEruditorum_. In 1764 he alluded gracefully to the connection betweenHanover and England in a piece upon the birthday of Queen Charlotte, andhaving been promoted secretary of the University Library at Göttingen, the young savant commenced a translation of Leibniz's philosophicalworks which was issued in Latin and French after the original MSS. Inthe Royal Library at Hanover, with a preface by Raspe's old collegefriend Kästner (Göttingen, 1765). At once a courtier, an antiquary, and a philosopher, Raspe next sought to display his vocation for politeletters, by publishing an ambitious allegorical poem of the age ofchivalry, entitled "Hermin and Gunilde, " which was not only exceedinglywell reviewed, but received the honour of a parody entitled "Harlequinand Columbine. " He also wrote translations of several of the poems ofOssian, and a disquisition upon their genuineness; and then with betterinspiration he wrote a considerable treatise on "Percy's Reliques ofAncient Poetry, " with metrical translations, being thus the first tocall the attention of Germany to these admirable poems, which wereafterwards so successfully ransacked by Bürger, Herder, and other earlyGerman romanticists. 

In 1767 Raspe was again advanced by being appointed Professor at theCollegium Carolinum in Cassel, and keeper of the landgrave of Hesse'srich and curious collection of antique gems and medals. He was shortlyafterwards appointed Librarian in the same city, and in 1771 he married. He continued writing on natural history, mineralogy, and archæology, andin 1769 a paper in the 59th volume of the Philosophical Transactions, on the bones and teeth of elephants and other animals found in NorthAmerica and various boreal regions of the world, procured his electionas an honorary member of the Royal Society of London. His conclusion inthis paper that large elephants or mammoths must have previously existedin boreal regions has, of course, been abundantly justified by laterinvestigations. When it is added that Raspe during this part of hislife also wrote papers on lithography and upon musical instruments, andtranslated Algarotti's Treatise on "Architecture, Painting, and OperaMusic, " enough will have been said to make manifest his very remarkableand somewhat prolix versatility. In 1773 he made a tour in Westphalia inquest of MSS. , and on his return, by way of completing his education, he turned journalist, and commenced a periodical called the _CasselSpectator_, with Mauvillon as his co-editor. In 1775 he was travellingin Italy on a commission to collect articles of vertu for the landgrave, and it was apparently soon after his return that he began appropriatingto his own use valuable coins abstracted from the cabinets entrustedto his care. He had no difficulty in finding a market for the antiqueswhich he wished to dispose of, and which, it has been charitablysuggested, he had every intention of replacing whenever opportunityshould serve. His consequent procedure was, it is true, scarcely that ofa hardened criminal. Having obtained the permission of the landgrave tovisit Berlin, he sent the keys of his cabinet back to the authoritiesat Cassel--and disappeared. His thefts, to the amount of two thousandrixdollars, were promptly discovered, and advertisements were issuedfor the arrest of the Councillor Raspe, described without suspicion offlattery as a long-faced man, with small eyes, crooked nose, red hairunder a stumpy periwig, and a jerky gait. The necessities that promptedhim to commit a felony are possibly indicated by the addition that heusually appeared in a scarlet dress embroidered with gold, but sometimesin black, blue, or grey clothes. He was seized when he had got nofarther than Klausthal, in the Hartz mountains, but he lost no time inescaping from the clutches of the police, and made his way to England. He never again set foot on the continent. 

He was already an excellent English scholar, so that when he reachedLondon it was not unnatural that he should look to authorship forsupport. Without loss of time, he published in London in 1776 a volumeon some German Volcanoes and their productions; in 1777 he translatedthe then highly esteemed mineralogical travels of Ferber in Italy andHungary. In 1780 we have an interesting account of him from HoraceWalpole, who wrote to his friend, the Rev. William Mason: "There is aDutch sçavant come over who is author of several pieces so learned thatI do not even know their titles: but he has made a discovery in myway which you may be sure I believe, for it proves what I expected andhinted in my 'Anecdotes of Painting, ' that the use of oil colours wasknown long before Van Eyck. " Raspe, he went on to say, had discovereda MS. Of Theophilus, a German monk in the fourth century, who gavereceipts for preparing the colours, and had thereby convicted Vasari oferror. "Raspe is poor, and I shall try and get subscriptions to enablehim to print his work, which is sensible, clear, and unpretending. "Three months later it was, "Poor Raspe is arrested by his _tailor_. Ihave sent him a little money, and he hopes to recover his liberty, but Iquestion whether he will be able to struggle on here. " His "Essay on theOrigin of Oil Painting" was actually published through Walpole's goodservice in April 1781. He seems to have had plans of going to Americaand of excavating antiquities in Egypt, where he might have done goodservice, but the bad name that he had earned dogged him to London. TheRoyal Society struck him off its rolls, and in revenge he is said tohave threatened to publish a travesty of their transactions. He wasdoubtless often hard put to it for a living, but the variety of hisattainments served him in good stead. He possessed or gained somereputation as a mining expert, and making his way down into Cornwall, he seems for some years subsequent to 1782 to have been assay-master andstorekeeper of some mines at Dolcoath. While still at Dolcoath, it isvery probable that he put together the little pamphlet which appearedin London at the close of 1785, with the title "Baron Munchausen'sNarrative of his Marvellous Travels and Campaigns in Russia, " and havinggiven his _jeu d'esprit_ to the world, and possibly earned a few guineasby it, it is not likely that he gave much further thought to the matter. In the course of 1785 or 1786, he entered upon a task of much greatermagnitude and immediate importance, namely, a descriptive catalogue ofthe Collection of Pastes and Impressions from Ancient and Modern Gems, formed by James Tassie, the eminent connoisseur. Tassie engaged Raspein 1785 to take charge of his cabinets, and to commence describingtheir contents: he can hardly have been ignorant of his employé'sdelinquencies in the past, but he probably estimated that mere casts ofgems would not offer sufficient temptation to a man of Raspe's eclectictastes to make the experiment a dangerous one. Early in 1786, Raspeproduced a brief but well-executed conspectus of the arrangement andclassification of the collection, and this was followed in 1791 by "ADescriptive Catalogue, " in which over fifteen thousand casts of ancientand modern engraved gems, cameos, and intaglios from the most renownedcabinets in Europe were enumerated and described in French and English. The two quarto volumes are a monument of patient and highly skilledindustry, and they still fetch high prices. The elaborate introductionprefixed to the work was dated from Edinburgh, April 16, 1790. 

This laborious task completed, Raspe lost no time in applying himselfwith renewed energy to mineralogical work. It was announced in the_Scots Magazine_ for October 1791 that he had discovered in the extremenorth of Scotland, where he had been invited to search for minerals, copper, lead, iron, manganese, and other valuable products of a similarcharacter. From Sutherland he brought specimens of the finest clay, andreported a fine vein of heavy spar and "every symptom of coal. " But inCaithness lay the loadstone which had brought Raspe to Scotland. Thiswas no other than Sir John Sinclair of Ulbster, a benevolent gentlemanof an ingenious and inquiring disposition, who was anxious to exploitthe supposed mineral wealth of his barren Scottish possessions. Withhim Raspe took up his abode for a considerable time at his spray-beatencastle on the Pentland Firth, and there is a tradition, among membersof the family, of Sir John's unfailing appreciation of the wideintelligence and facetious humour of Raspe's conversation. Sinclair hadsome years previously discovered a small vein of yellow mundick on themoor of Skinnet, four miles from Thurso. The Cornish miners he consultedtold him that the mundick was itself of no value, but a good sign ofthe proximity of other valuable minerals. Mundick, said they, was agood horseman, and always rode on a good load. He now employed Raspe toexamine the ground, not designing to mine it himself, but to let it outto other capitalists in return for a royalty, should the investigationjustify his hopes. The necessary funds were put at Raspe's disposal, and masses of bright, heavy material were brought to Thurso Castle as aforetaste of what was coming. But when the time came for the fruitionof this golden promise, Raspe disappeared, and subsequent inquiriesrevealed the deplorable fact that these opulent ores had been carefullyimported by the mining expert from Cornwall, and planted in the placeswhere they were found. Sir Walter Scott must have had the incident(though not Raspe) in his mind when he created the Dousterswivel of his"Antiquary. " As for Raspe, he betook himself to a remote part of theUnited Kingdom, and had commenced some mining operations in countryDonegal, when he was carried off by scarlet fever at Muckross in 1794. Such in brief outline was the career of Rudolph Erich Raspe, scholar, swindler, and undoubted creator of Baron Munchausen. 

The merit of Munchausen, as the adult reader will readily perceive, doesnot reside in its literary style, for Raspe is no exception to the rulethat a man never has a style worthy of the name in a language that hedid not prattle in. But it is equally obvious that the real and originalMunchausen, as Raspe conceived and doubtless intended at one time todevelop him, was a delightful personage whom it would be the height ofabsurdity to designate a mere liar. Unfortunately the task was takenout of his hand and a good character spoiled, like many another, by meresequel-mongers. Raspe was an impudent scoundrel, and fortunately so; hisimpudence relieves us of any difficulty in resolving the question, --towhom (if any one) did he owe the original conception of the characterwhose fame is now so universal. 

When Raspe was resident in Göttingen he obtained, in all probabilitythrough Gerlach Adolph von Munchausen, the great patron of arts andletters and of Göttingen University, an introduction to HieronynimusKarl Friedrich von Munchausen, at whose hospitable mansion atBodenwerder he became an occasional visitor. Hieronynimus, who was bornat Bodenwerder on May 11, 1720, was a cadet of what was known as theblack line of the house of Rinteln Bodenwerder, and in his youth servedas a page in the service of Prince Anton Ulrich of Brunswick. When quitea stripling he obtained a cornetcy in the "Brunswick Regiment" in theRussian service, and on November 27, 1740, he was created a lieutenantby letters patent of the Empress Anna, and served two arduous campaignsagainst the Turks during the following years. In 1750 he was promoted tobe a captain of cuirassiers by the Empress Elizabeth, and about 1760 heretired from the Russian service to live upon his patrimonial estate atBodenwerder in the congenial society of his wife and his paragon amonghuntsmen, Rösemeyer, for whose particular benefit he maintained a finepack of hounds. He kept open house, and loved to divert his guests withstories, not in the braggart vein of Dugald Dalgetty, but so embellishedwith palpably extravagant lies as to crack with a humour that was alltheir own. The manner has been appropriated by Artemus Ward and MarkTwain, but it was invented by Munchausen. Now the stories mainly relateto sporting adventures, and it has been asserted by one contemporaryof the baron that Munchausen contracted the habit of drawing sucha long-bow as a measure of self-defence against his invaluable butloquacious henchman, the worthy Rösemeyer. But it is more probable, asis hinted in the first preface, that Munchausen, being a shrewd man, found the practice a sovereign specific against bores and all otherkinds of serious or irrelevant people, while it naturally endeared himto the friends of whom he had no small number. 

He told his stories with imperturbable _sang froid_, in a dry manner, and with perfect naturalness and simplicity. He spoke as a man of theworld, without circumlocution; his adventures were numerous and perhapssingular, but only such as might have been expected to happen to a manof so much experience. A smile never traversed his face as he relatedthe least credible of his tales, which the less intimate of hisacquaintance began in time to think he meant to be taken seriously. In short, so strangely entertaining were both manner and matter of hisnarratives, that "Munchausen's Stories" became a by-word among a host ofappreciative acquaintance. Among these was Raspe, who years afterwards, when he was starving in London, bethought himself of the incomparablebaron. He half remembered some of his sporting stories, and supplementedthese by gleanings from his own commonplace book. The result is acurious medley, which testifies clearly to learning and wit, and alsoto the turning over of musty old books of _facetiæ_ written in execrableLatin. 

The story of the Baron's horse being cut in two by the descendingportcullis of a besieged town, and the horseman's innocence of the factuntil, upon reaching a fountain in the midst of the city, the insatiatethirst of the animal betrayed his deficiency in hind quarters, wasprobably derived by Raspe from the _Facetiæ Bebelianæ_ of HeinrichBebel, first published at Strassburgh in 1508. 

There it is given as follows: "De Insigni Mendacio. Faber claviculariusquem superius fabrum mendaciorum dixi, narravit se tempore belli, credens suos se subsecuturos equitando ad cujusdam oppidi portaspenetrasse: et cum ad portas venisset cataractam turre demissam, equumsuum post ephippium discidisse, dimidiatumque reliquisse, atque semedia parte equi ad forum usque oppidi equitasse, et caedem non modicamperegisse. Sed cum retrocedere vellet multitudine hostium obrutus, tumdemum equum cecidisse seque captum fuisse. "

The drinking at the fountain was probably an embellishment of Raspe'sown. Many of Bebel's jests were repeated in J. P. Lange's _DelicioeAcademicoe_ (Heilbronn, 1665), a section of which was expressly devotedto "Mendacia Ridicula"; but the yarn itself is probably much older thaneither. Similarly, the quaint legend of the thawing of the horn was toldby Castiglione in his _Cortegiano_, first published in 1528. This ishow Castiglione tells it: A merchant of Lucca had travelled to Polandin order to buy furs; but as there was at that time a war with Muscovy, from which country the furs were procured, the Lucchese merchantwas directed to the confines of the two countries. On reaching theBorysthenes, which divided Poland and Muscovy, he found that theMuscovite traders remained on their own side of the river from distrust, on account of the state of hostilities. The Muscovites, desirous ofbeing heard across the river announced the prices of their furs in aloud voice; but the cold was so intense that their words were frozen inthe air before they could reach the opposite side. Hereupon the Poleslighted a fire in the middle of the river, which was frozen into a solidmass; and in the course of an hour the words which had been frozenup were melted, and fell gently upon the further bank, although theMuscovite traders had already gone away. The prices demanded were, however, so high that the Lucchese merchant returned without making anypurchase. A similar idea is utilised by Rabelais in _Pantagruel_, and bySteele in one of his _Tatlers_. The story of the cherry tree growing outof the stag's head, again, is given in Lange's book, and the fact thatall three tales are of great antiquity is proved by the appearance ofcounterparts to them in Lady Guest's edition of the _Mabinogion_. Agreat number of _nugoe canoroe_ of a perfectly similar type are narratedin the sixteenth century "Travels of the Finkenritter" attributed toLorenz von Lauterbach. 

To humorous waifs of this description, without fixed origin orbirthplace, did Raspe give a classical setting amongst embroideredversions of the baron's sporting jokes. The unscrupulous manner in whichhe affixed Munchausen's own name to the completed _jeu d'esprit_ is, ethically speaking, the least pardonable of his crimes; for when Raspe'slittle book was first transformed and enlarged, and then translated intoGerman, the genial old baron found himself the victim of an unmercifulcaricature, and without a rag of concealment. It is consequently notsurprising to hear that he became soured and reticent before his deathat Bodenwerder in 1797. 

Strangers had already begun to come down to the place in the hope ofgetting a glimpse of the eccentric nobleman, and foolish stories weretold of his thundering out his lies with apoplectic visage, his eyesstarting out of his head, and perspiration beading his forehead. Thefountain of his reminiscences was in reality quite dried up, and itmust be admitted that this excellent old man had only too good reason toconsider himself an injured person. 

In this way, then, came to be written the first delightful chapters ofBaron Munchausen's "Narrative of his Travels and Campaigns in Russia. "It was not primarily intended as a satire, nor was it specially designedto take of the extravagant flights of contemporary travellers. Itwas rather a literary frivolity, thrown off at one effort by atatterdemalion genius in sore need of a few guineas. 

The remainder of the book is a melancholy example of the fallacyof enlargements and of sequels. Neither Raspe nor the baron can beseriously held responsible for a single word of it. It must have beenwritten by a bookseller's hack, whom it is now quite impossible toidentify, but who was evidently of native origin; and the book is acharacteristically English product, full of personal and politicalsatire, with just a twang of edification. The first continuation(chapters one and seven, to twenty, inclusive), which was supplied withthe third edition, is merely a modern _rechauffé_, with "up to date"allusions, of Lucian's _Vera Historia_. Prototypes of the majority ofthe stories may either be found in Lucian or in the twenty volumes of_Voyages Imaginaires_, published at Paris in 1787. In case, however, anyreader should be sceptical as to the accuracy of this statement he willhave no very great difficulty in supposing, as Dr. Johnson supposedof Ossian, that anybody could write a great amount of such stuff if hewould only consent to abandon his mind to the task. 

With the supplementary chapters commence topical allusions to therecently issued memoirs of Baron de Tott, an enterprising Frenchman whohad served the Great Turk against the Russians in the Crimea (an Englishtranslation of his book had appeared in 1785). The satire upon thisgallant soldier's veracity appears to be quite undeserved, thoughone can hardly read portions of his adventures without being forciblyreminded of the Baron's laconic style. It is needless to add that theamazing account of De Tott's origin is grossly libellous. The amount ofpublic interest excited by the æronautical exploits of Montgolfier andBlanchard was also playfully satirised. Their first imitator in England, Vincenzo Lunardi, had made a successful ascent from Moorfields asrecently as 1784, while in the following year Blanchard crossed thechannel in a balloon and earned the sobriquet _Don Quixote de laManche_. His grotesque appropriation of the motto "_Sic itur ad astra_"made him, at least, a fit object for Munchausen's gibes. In the Baron'svisit to Gibraltar we have evidence that the anonymous writer, in commonwith the rest of the reading public, had been studying John Drinkwater's"History of the Siege of Gibraltar" (completed in 1783), which hadwith extreme rapidity established its reputation as a military classic. Similarly, in the Polar adventures, the "Voyage towards the North Pole, "1774, of Constantine John Phipps, afterwards Lord Mulgrave, is gentlyridiculed, and so also some incidents from Patrick Brydone's "Tourthrough Sicily and Malta" (1773), are, for no obvious reason, contemptuously dragged in. The exploitation of absurd and libellouschap-book lives of Pope Clement XIV. , the famous Ganganelli, can onlybe described as a low bid for vulgar applause. A French translationof Baron Friedrich von Trenck's celebrated Memoirs appeared at Metz in1787, and it would certainly seem that in overlooking them the compilerof Munchausen was guilty of a grave omission. He may, however, haveregarded Trenck's adventures less as material for ridicule than as aseries of _hâbleries_ which threatened to rival his own. 

The Seventh Edition, published in 1793, with the supplement (pp. 142-161), was, with the abominable proclivity to edification which markedthe publisher of the period (that of "Goody Two-Shoes" and "Sandfordand Merton"), styled "Gulliver Reviv'd: _or the Vice of Lying ProperlyExposed_. " The previous year had witnessed the first appearance of thesequel, of which the full title has already been given, "with twentycapital copperplates, including the baron's portrait. " The merit ofMunchausen as a mouthpiece for ridiculing traveller's tall-talk, orindeed anything that shocked the incredulity of the age, was by thistime widely recognised. And hence with some little ingenuity the popularcharacter was pressed into the service of the vulgar clamour againstJames Bruce, whose "Travels to Discover the Sources of the Nile" hadappeared in 1790. In particular Bruce's description of the Abyssiniancustom of feeding upon "live bulls and kava" provoked a chorus ofincredulity. The traveller was ridiculed upon the stage as Macfable, andin a cloud of ephemeral productions; nor is the following allusion inPeter Pindar obscure:--

 "Nor have I been where men (what loss alas!) Kill half a cow, then send the rest to grass. "

The way in which Bruce resented the popular scepticism is illustratedby the following anecdote told by Sir Francis Head, his biographer. Agentleman once observed, at a country house where Bruce was staying, that it was not possible that the natives of Abyssinia could eat rawmeat! "Bruce said not a word, but leaving the room, shortly returnedfrom the kitchen with a piece of raw beef-steak, peppered and salted inthe Abyssinian fashion. 'You will eat that, sir, or fight me, ' he said. When the gentleman had eaten up the raw flesh (most willingly would hehave eaten his words instead), Bruce calmly observed, 'Now, sir, youwill never again say it is _impossible_. '" In reality, Bruce seems tohave been treated with much the same injustice as Herodotus. The truthof the bulk of his narrative has been fully established, although apassion for the picturesque may certainly have led him to embellish manyof the minor particulars. And it must be remembered, that his book wasnot dictated until twelve years after the events narrated. 

Apart from Bruce, however, the sequel, like the previous continuation, contains a great variety of political, literary, and other allusions ofthe most purely topical character--Dr. Johnson's Tour in the Hebrides, Mr. Pitt, Burke's famous pamphlet upon the French Revolution, CaptainCook, Tippoo Sahib (who had been brought to bay by Lord Cornwallisbetween 1790 and 1792). The revolutionary pandemonium in Paris, andthe royal flight to Varennes in June 1791, and the loss of the "RoyalGeorge" in 1782, all form the subjects of quizzical comments, and thereare many other allusions the interest of which is quite as ephemeral asthose of a Drury Lane pantomime or a Gaiety Burlesque. 

Nevertheless the accretions have proved powerless to spoil "Munchausen. "The nucleus supplied by Raspe was instinct with so much energy that ithas succeeded in vitalising the whole mass of extraneous extravagance. 

Although, like "Gulliver's Travels, " "Munchausen" might at first sightappear to be ill-suited, in more than one respect, for the nursery, yet it has proved the delight of children of all ages; and there areprobably few, in the background of whose childish imagination theastonishing Munchausen has not at one time or another, together withRobinson Crusoe, Jack-the-Giant-Killer, and the Pied Piper of Hamelyn, assumed proportions at once gigantic and seductively picturesque. 

The work, as has been shown, assumed its final form before the close ofthe eighteenth century; with the nineteenth it commenced itstriumphant progress over the civilised world. Some of the subsequenttransformations and migrations of the book are worthy of brief record. 

A voluminous German continuation was published at Stendhal in threevolumes between 1794 and 1800. There was also a continuation comprisingexploits at Walcheren, the Dardanelles, Talavera, Cintra, and elsewhere, published in London in 1811. An elaborate French translation, withembellishments in the French manner, appeared at Paris in 1862. Immerman's celebrated novel entitled "Munchausen" was published in fourvolumes at Dusseldorf in 1841, and a very free rendering of the Baron'sexploits, styled "Munchausen's Lugenabenteuer, " at Leipsic in 1846. The work has also been translated into Dutch, Danish, Magyar (_Bard deMánx_), Russian, Portuguese, Spanish (_El Conde de las Maravillas_), andmany other tongues, and an estimate that over one hundred editions haveappeared in England, Germany, and America alone, is probably ratherunder than above the mark. 

The book has, moreover, at the same time provided illustrations towriters and orators, and the richest and most ample material forillustrations to artists. The original rough woodcuts are anonymous, but the possibilities of the work were discovered as early as 1809, byThomas Rowlandson, who illustrated the edition published in that year. The edition of 1859 owed embellishments to Crowquill, while Cruikshanksupplied some characteristic woodcuts to that of 1869. Coloured designsfor the travels were executed by a French artist Richard in 1878, andillustrations were undertaken independently for the German editionsby Riepenhausen and Hosemann respectively. The German artist AdolphSchrödter has also painted a celebrated picture representing the Baronsurrounded by his listeners. But of all the illustrations yet invented, the general verdict has hitherto declared in favour of those suppliedto Théophile Gautier's French edition of 1862 by Gustave Doré, who fullymaintained by them the reputation he had gained for work of a similar_genre_ in his drawings for Balzac's _Contes Drôlatiques_. When, however, the public has had an opportunity of appreciating the admirablyfantastic drawings made by Mr. William Strang and Mr. J. B. Clark forthe present edition, they will probably admit that Baron Munchausen'sindebtedness to his illustrations, already very great, has been morethan doubled. 

PREFACE

TO

THE FIRST EDITION

Baron Munnikhouson or Munchausen, of Bodenweder, near Hamelyn on theWeser, belongs to the noble family of that name, which gave to theKing's German dominions the late prime minister and several other publiccharacters equally bright and illustrious. He is a man of great originalhumour; and having found that prejudiced minds cannot be reasoned intocommon sense, and that bold assertors are very apt to bully and speaktheir audience out of it, he never argues with either of them, butadroitly turns the conversation upon indifferent topics and then tellsa story of his travels, campaigns, and sporting adventures, in a mannerpeculiar to himself, and well calculated to awaken and shame the commonsense of those who have lost sight of it by prejudice or habit. 

As this method has been often attended with good success, we beg leaveto lay some of his stories before the public, and humbly requestthose who shall find them rather extravagant and bordering upon themarvellous, which will require but a very moderate share of commonsense, to exercise the same upon every occurrence of life, and chieflyupon our English politics, in which _old habits_ and _bold assertions_, set off by eloquent speeches and supported by constitutional mobs, associations, volunteers, and foreign influence, have of late, weapprehend, but too successfully turned our brains, and made us thelaughing-stock of Europe, and of France and Holland in particular. 

TO THE PUBLIC

Having heard, for the first time, that my adventures have been doubted, and looked upon as jokes, I feel bound to come forward and vindicate mycharacter _for veracity_, by paying three shillings at the Mansion Houseof this great city for the affidavits hereto appended. 

This I have been forced into in regard of my own honour, although I haveretired for many years from public and private life; and I hope thatthis, my last edition, will place me in a proper light with my readers. 

AT THE CITY OF LONDON, ENGLAND. 

_We_, the undersigned, as true believers in the _profit_, do mostsolemnly affirm, that all the adventures of our friend Baron Munchausen, in whatever country they may _lie_, are positive and simple facts. _And_, as we have been believed, whose adventures are tenfold morewonderful, _so_ do we hope all true believers will give him their fullfaith and credence. GULLIVER. X SINBAD. X ALADDIN. X _Sworn at theMansion House 9th Nov. Last, in the absence of the Lord Mayor. _ JOHN(_the Porter_). 

TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN

CHAPTER I

[THE BARON IS SUPPOSED TO RELATE THESE ADVENTURES TO HIS FRIENDS OVER ABOTTLE. ]

_The Baron relates an account of his first travels--The astonishingeffects of a storm--Arrives at Ceylon; combats and conquers twoextraordinary opponents--Returns to Holland. _

Some years before my beard announced approaching manhood, or, in otherwords, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed inrepeated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, from whichI was discouraged by my parents, though my father had been noinconsiderable traveller himself, as will appear before I have reachedthe end of my singular, and, I may add, interesting adventures. Acousin, by my mother's side, took a liking to me, often said I wasfine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity. His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to myaccompanying him in a voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his unclehad resided as governor many years. 

We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches from their High Mightinessesthe States of Holland. The only circumstance which happened on ourvoyage worth relating was the wonderful effects of a storm, whichhad torn up by the roots a great number of trees of enormous bulk andheight, in an island where we lay at anchor to take in wood and water;some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the windso amazingly high, that they appeared like the feathers of small birdsfloating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth:however, as soon as the storm subsided they all fell perpendicularlyinto their respective places, and took root again, except the largest, which happened, when it was blown into the air, to have a man and hiswife, a very honest old couple, upon its branches, gathering cucumbers(in this part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon trees): theweight of this couple, as the tree descended, over-balanced the trunk, and brought it down in a horizontal position: it fell upon the chief manof the island, and killed him on the spot; he had quitted his housein the storm, under an apprehension of its falling upon him, and wasreturning through his own garden when this fortunate accident happened. The word fortunate, here, requires some explanation. This chief was aman of a very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he hadno family, the natives of the island were half-starved by his oppressiveand infamous impositions. 

The very goods which he had thus taken from them were spoiling in hisstores, while the poor wretches from whom they were plundered werepining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was accidental, the people chose the cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a markof their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their latetyrant. 

After we had repaired the damages we sustained in this remarkable storm, and taken leave of the new governor and his lady, we sailed with a fairwind for the object of our voyage. 

In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we were received withgreat marks of friendship and true politeness. The following singularadventures may not prove unentertaining. 

After we had resided at Ceylon about a fortnight I accompanied one ofthe governor's brothers upon a shooting party. He was a strong, athleticman, and being used to that climate (for he had resided there someyears), he bore the violent heat of the sun much better than I could; inour excursion he had made a considerable progress through a thick woodwhen I was only at the entrance. 

Near the banks of a large piece of water, which had engaged myattention, I thought I heard a rustling noise behind; on turning aboutI was almost petrified (as who would not be?) at the sight of a lion, which was evidently approaching with the intention of satisfying hisappetite with my poor carcase, and that without asking my consent. Whatwas to be done in this horrible dilemma? I had not even a moment forreflection; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no otherabout me: however, though I could have no idea of killing such an animalwith that weak kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of frighteninghim by the report, and perhaps of wounding him also. I immediately letfly, without waiting till he was within reach, and the report did butenrage him, for he now quickened his pace, and seemed to approach mefull speed: I attempted to escape, but that only added (if an additioncould be made) to my distress; for the moment I turned about I found alarge crocodile, with his mouth extended almost ready to receive me. Onmy right hand was the piece of water before mentioned, and on my left adeep precipice, said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle atthe bottom for venomous creatures; in short I gave myself up as lost, for the lion was now upon his hind-legs, just in the act of seizingme; I fell involuntarily to the ground with fear, and, as it afterwardsappeared, he sprang over me. I lay some time in a situation which nolanguage can describe, expecting to feel his teeth or talons in somepart of me every moment: after waiting in this prostrate situation a fewseconds I heard a violent but unusual noise, different from any soundthat had ever before assailed my ears; nor is it at all to be wonderedat, when I inform you from whence it proceeded: after listening forsome time, I ventured to raise my head and look round, when, to myunspeakable joy, I perceived the lion had, by the eagerness with whichhe sprung at me, jumped forward, as I fell, into the crocodile's mouth!which, as before observed, was wide open; the head of the one stuckin the throat of the other! and they were struggling to extricatethemselves! I fortunately recollected my _couteau de chasse_, which wasby my side; with this instrument I severed the lion's head at oneblow, and the body fell at my feet! I then, with the butt-end of myfowling-piece, rammed the head farther into the throat of the crocodile, and destroyed him by suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor ejectit. 

Soon after I had thus gained a complete victory over my two powerfuladversaries, my companion arrived in search of me; for finding I did notfollow him into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way, or met with some accident. 

After mutual congratulations, we measured the crocodile, which was justforty feet in length. 

As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor, he sent a waggon and servants, who brought home the two carcases. Thelion's skin was properly preserved, with its hair on, after which itwas made into tobacco-pouches, and presented by me, upon our return toHolland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, requested my acceptance ofa thousand ducats. 

The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual manner, and makes acapital article in their public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitorrelates the whole story to each spectator, with such additions as hethinks proper. Some of his variations are rather extravagant; one ofthem is, that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile, and wasmaking his escape at the back door, when, as soon as his head appeared, Monsieur the Great Baron (as he is pleased to call me) cut it off, and three feet of the crocodile's tail along with it; nay, so littleattention has this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soonas the crocodile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched the _couteaude chasse_ out of Monsieur's hand, and swallowed it with such eagernessthat it pierced his heart and killed him immediately!

The little regard which this impudent knave has to veracity makes mesometimes apprehensive that my _real facts_ may fall under suspicion, bybeing found in company with his confounded inventions. 

CHAPTER II

_In which the Baron proves himself a good shot--He loses his horse, and finds a wolf--Makes him draw his sledge--Promises to entertainhis company with a relation of such facts as are well deserving theirnotice. _

I set off from Rome on a journey to Russia, in the midst of winter, froma just notion that frost and snow must of course mend the roads, whichevery traveller had described as uncommonly bad through the northernparts of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went on horseback, asthe most convenient manner of travelling; I was but lightly clothed, andof this I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced north-east. What must not a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather andclimate, whom I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the road, helpless, shivering, and hardly having wherewithal to cover hisnakedness? I pitied the poor soul: though I felt the severity of the airmyself, I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice fromthe heavens, blessing me for that piece of charity, saying--

"You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time. "

I went on: night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen. The country was covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with the road. 

Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to something like a pointedstump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety Iplaced my pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I sleptso soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is noteasy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of avillage, lying in a churchyard; nor was my horse to be seen, but I heardhim soon after neigh somewhere above me. On looking upwards I beheld himhanging by his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. Matters werenow very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow overnight;a sudden change of weather had taken place; I had sunk down to thechurchyard whilst asleep, gently, and in the same proportion as the snowhad melted away; and what in the dark I had taken to be a stump of alittle tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse, proved to have been the cross or weather-cock of the steeple!

Without long consideration I took one of my pistols, shot the bridlein two, brought the horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baronseems to have forgot his feelings; he should certainly have ordered hishorse a feed of corn, after fasting so long. ]

He carried me well--advancing into the interior parts of Russia. I foundtravelling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter, therefore Isubmitted, as I always do, to the custom of the country, took a singlehorse sledge, and drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not exactlyrecollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugemanland, but I remember thatin the midst of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me, with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger. He soon overtook me. Therewas no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat inthe sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, buthardly hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did notmind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and falling furiously onthe horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the pooranimal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed andsafe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld thatthe wolf had ate his way into the horse's body; it was not long beforehe had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage, and fellupon him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in hisrear frightened him so much, that he leaped forward with all his might:the horse's carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place the wolfwas in the harness, and I on my part whipping him continually: weboth arrived in full career safe at St. Petersburg, contrary to ourrespective expectations, and very much to the astonishment of thespectators. 

I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, arts, sciences, andhistory of this magnificent metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you withthe various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had in the politercircles of that country, where the lady of the house always receives thevisitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather tothe greater and nobler objects of your attention, horses and dogs, myfavourites in the brute creation; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, withwhich, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part ofthe world; and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantryand activity, as show the gentleman better than musty Greek or Latin, orall the perfume, finery, and capers of French wits or _petit-maîtres_. 

CHAPTER III

_An encounter between the Baron's nose and a door-post, with itswonderful effects--Fifty brace of ducks and other fowl destroyed by oneshot--Flogs a fox out of his skin--Leads an old sow home in a new way, and vanquishes a wild boar. _

It was some time before I could obtain a commission in the army, andfor several months I was perfectly at liberty to sport away my time andmoney in the most gentleman-like manner. You may easily imagine that Ispent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how tomake the most of an open forest country. The very recollection ofthose amusements gives me fresh spirits, and creates a warm wish fora repetition of them. One morning I saw, through the windows of mybed-room, that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks. Inan instant I took my gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out ofthe house in such a hurry, that I imprudently struck my face againstthe door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent myintention; I soon came within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observedto my sorrow, that even the flint had sprung from the cock by theviolence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost. I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore openedthe pan, levelled my piece against the wild fowls, and my fist againstone of my eyes. [The Baron's eyes have retained fire ever since, andappear particularly illuminated when he relates this anecdote. ] A heartyblow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace ofducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind isthe soul of manly exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many oftheir lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to itfor many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fineblack fox, whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to tear by ballor shot. Reynard stood close to a tree. In a twinkling I took out myball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him socleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him, took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of mywhip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin. 

Chance and good luck often correct our mistakes; of this I had asingular instance soon after, when, in the depth of a forest, I saw awild pig and sow running close behind each other. My ball had missedthem, yet the foremost pig only ran away, and the sow stood motionless, as fixed to the ground. On examining into the matter, I found the latterone to be an old sow, blind with age, which had taken hold of her pig'stail, in order to be led along by filial duty. My ball, having passedbetween the two, had cut his leading-string, which the old sow continuedto hold in her mouth; and as her former guide did not draw her onany longer, she had stopped of course; I therefore laid hold of theremaining end of the pig's tail, and led the old beast home without anyfurther trouble on my part, and without any reluctance or apprehensionon the part of the helpless old animal. 

Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more fierce and dangerous arethe boars, one of which I had once the misfortune to meet in a forest, unprepared for attack or defence. I retired behind an oak-tree just whenthe furious animal levelled a side-blow at me, with such force, that histusks pierced through the tree, by which means he could neither repeatthe blow nor retire. Ho, ho! thought I, I shall soon have you now! andimmediately I laid hold of a stone, wherewith I hammered and bent histusks in such a manner, that he could not retreat by any means, and mustwait my return from the next village, whither I went for ropes and acart, to secure him properly, and to carry him off safe and alive, inwhich I perfectly succeeded. 

CHAPTER IV

_Reflections on Saint Hubert's stag--Shoots a stag with cherry-stones;the wonderful effects of it--Kills a bear by extraordinary dexterity;his danger pathetically described--Attacked by a wolf, which he turnsinside out--Is assailed by a mad dog, from which he escapes--The Baron'scloak seized with madness, by which his whole wardrobe is thrown intoconfusion. _

You have heard, I dare say, of the hunter and sportsman's saint andprotector, St. Hubert, and of the noble stag, which appeared to himin the forest, with the holy cross between his antlers. I have paid myhomage to that saint every year in good fellowship, and seen this stag athousand times, either painted in churches, or embroidered in thestars of his knights; so that, upon the honour and conscience of a goodsportsman, I hardly know whether there may not have been formerly, orwhether there are not such crossed stags even at this present day. Butlet me rather tell what I have seen myself. Having one day spent all myshot, I found myself unexpectedly in presence of a stately stag, lookingat me as unconcernedly as if he had known of my empty pouches. I chargedimmediately with powder, and upon it a good handful of cherry-stones, for I had sucked the fruit as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I letfly at him, and hit him just on the middle of the forehead, between hisantlers; it stunned him--he staggered--yet he made off. A year or twoafter, being with a party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag witha fine full grown cherry-tree above ten feet high between his antlers. I immediately recollected my former adventure, looked upon him as myproperty, and brought him to the ground by one shot, which at oncegave me the haunch and cherry-sauce; for the tree was covered with therichest fruit, the like I had never tasted before. Who knows but somepassionate holy sportsman, or sporting abbot or bishop, may have shot, planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert's stag, in a manner similar to this? They always have been, and still are, famous for plantations of crosses and antlers; and in a case of distressor dilemma, which too often happens to keen sportsmen, one is apt tograsp at anything for safety, and to try any expedient rather thanmiss the favourable opportunity. I have many times found myself in thattrying situation. 

What do you say of this, for example? Daylight and powder were spent oneday in a Polish forest. When I was going home a terrible bear made upto me in great speed, with open mouth, ready to fall upon me; all mypockets were searched in an instant for powder and ball, but in vain; Ifound nothing but two spare flints: one I flung with all my might intothe monster's open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain and made himturn about, so that I could level the second at his back-door, which, indeed, I did with wonderful success; for it flew in, met the firstflint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a terribleexplosion. Though I came safe off that time, yet I should not wish totry it again, or venture against bears with no other ammunition. 

There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest and most dangerousanimals generally came upon me when defenceless, as if they had a notionor an instinctive intimation of it. Thus a frightful wolf rushed upon meso suddenly, and so close, that I could do nothing but follow mechanicalinstinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth. For safety's sakeI pushed on and on, till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder. How should I disengage myself? I was not much pleased with my awkwardsituation--with a wolf face to face; our ogling was not of the mostpleasant kind. If I withdrew my arm, then the animal would fly the morefuriously upon me; that I saw in his flaming eyes. In short, I laid holdof his tail, turned him inside out like a glove, and flung him to theground, where I left him. 

The same expedient would not have answered against a mad dog, which soonafter came running against me in a narrow street at St. Petersburg. Runwho can, I thought; and to do this the better, I threw off my fur cloak, and was safe within doors in an instant. I sent my servant for thecloak, and he put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes. The dayafter I was amazed and frightened by Jack's bawling, "For God's sake, sir, your fur cloak is mad!" I hastened up to him, and found almost allmy clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectlyright in his apprehensions about the fur cloak's madness. I saw himmyself just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit, which he shook andtossed in an unmerciful manner. 

CHAPTER V

_The effects of great activity and presence of mind--A favourite hounddescribed, which pups while pursuing a hare; the hare also litters whilepursued by the hound--Presented with a famous horse by Count Przobossky, with which he performs many extraordinary feats. _

All these narrow and lucky escapes, gentlemen, were chances turnedto advantage by presence of mind and vigorous exertions, which, takentogether, as everybody knows, make the fortunate sportsman, sailor, and soldier; but he would be a very blamable and imprudent sportsman, admiral, or general, who would always depend upon chance and his stars, without troubling himself about those arts which are their particularpursuits, and without providing the very best implements, which insuresuccess. I was not blamable either way; for I have always been asremarkable for the excellency of my horses, dogs, guns, and swords, asfor the proper manner of using and managing them, so that upon the wholeI may hope to be remembered in the forest, upon the turf, and in thefield. I shall not enter here into any detail of my stables, kennel, orarmoury; but a favourite bitch of mine I cannot help mentioning to you;she was a greyhound, and I never had or saw a better. She grew old inmy service, and was not remarkable for her size, but rather for heruncommon swiftness. I always coursed with her. Had you seen her you musthave admired her, and would not have wondered at my predilection, andat my coursing her so much. She ran so fast, so much, and so long in myservice, that she actually ran off her legs; so that, in the latter partof her life, I was under the necessity of working and using her only asa terrier, in which quality she still served me many years. 

Coursing one day a hare, which appeared to me uncommonly big, I pitiedmy poor bitch, being big with pups, yet she would course as fast asever. I could follow her on horseback only at a great distance. At onceI heard a cry as it were of a pack of hounds--but so weak and faintthat I hardly knew what to make of it. Coming up to them, I was greatlysurprised. The hare had littered in running; the same had happened tomy bitch in coursing, and there were just as many leverets as pups. Byinstinct the former ran, the latter coursed: and thus I found myselfin possession at once of six hares, and as many dogs, at the end of acourse which had only begun with one. 

I remember this, my wonderful bitch, with the same pleasure andtenderness as a superb Lithuanian horse, which no money could havebought. He became mine by an accident, which gave me an opportunityof showing my horsemanship to a great advantage. I was at CountPrzobossky's noble country-seat in Lithuania, and remained with theladies at tea in the drawing-room, while the gentlemen were down inthe yard, to see a young horse of blood which had just arrived from thestud. We suddenly heard a noise of distress; I hastened down-stairs, andfound the horse so unruly, that nobody durst approach or mount him. The most resolute horsemen stood dismayed and aghast; despondency wasexpressed in every countenance, when, in one leap, I was on his back, took him by surprise, and worked him quite into gentleness and obediencewith the best display of horsemanship I was master of. Fully to showthis to the ladies, and save them unnecessary trouble, I forced him toleap in at one of the open windows of the tea-room, walked round severaltimes, pace, trot, and gallop, and at last made him mount the tea-table, there to repeat his lessons in a pretty style of miniature which wasexceedingly pleasing to the ladies, for he performed them amazinglywell, and did not break either cup or saucer. It placed me so high intheir opinion, and so well in that of the noble lord, that, with hisusual politeness, he begged I would accept of this young horse, andride him full career to conquest and honour in the campaign against theTurks, which was soon to be opened, under the command of Count Munich. 

I could not indeed have received a more agreeable present, nor amore ominous one at the opening of that campaign, in which I made myapprenticeship as a soldier. A horse so gentle, so spirited, and sofierce--at once a lamb and a Bucephalus, put me always in mind of thesoldier's and the gentleman's duty! of young Alexander, and of theastonishing things he performed in the field. 

We took the field, among several other reasons, it seems, with anintention to retrieve the character of the Russian arms, which had beenblemished a little by Czar Peter's last campaign on the Pruth; and thiswe fully accomplished by several very fatiguing and glorious campaignsunder the command of that great general I mentioned before. 

Modesty forbids individuals to arrogate to themselves great successesor victories, the glory of which is generally engrossed by thecommander--nay, which is rather awkward, by kings and queens who neversmelt gunpowder but at the field-days and reviews of their troops; neversaw a field of battle, or an enemy in battle array. 

Nor do I claim any particular share of glory in the great engagementswith the enemy. We all did our duty, which, in the patriot's, soldier's, and gentleman's language, is a very comprehensive word, of great honour, meaning, and import, and of which the generality of idle quidnuncsand coffee-house politicians can hardly form any but a very mean andcontemptible idea. However, having had the command of a body of hussars, I went upon several expeditions, with discretionary powers; and thesuccess I then met with is, I think, fairly and only to be placed to myaccount, and to that of the brave fellows whom I led on to conquest andto victory. We had very hot work once in the van of the army, when wedrove the Turks into Oczakow. My spirited Lithuanian had almost broughtme into a scrape: I had an advanced fore-post, and saw the enemy comingagainst me in a cloud of dust, which left me rather uncertain abouttheir actual numbers and real intentions: to wrap myself up in asimilar cloud was common prudence, but would not have much advanced myknowledge, or answered the end for which I had been sent out; thereforeI let my flankers on both wings spread to the right and left and makewhat dust they could, and I myself led on straight upon the enemy, tohave nearer sight of them: in this I was gratified, for they stood andfought, till, for fear of my flankers, they began to move off ratherdisorderly. This was the moment to fall upon them with spirit; we brokethem entirely--made a terrible havoc amongst them, and drove them notonly back to a walled town in their rear, but even through it, contraryto our most sanguine expectation. 

The swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me to be foremost in the pursuit;and seeing the enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate, I thoughtit would be prudent to stop in the market-place, to order the men torendezvous. I stopped, gentlemen; but judge of my astonishment whenin this market-place I saw not one of my hussars about me! Are theyscouring the other streets? or what is become of them? They could notbe far off, and must, at all events, soon join me. In that expectationI walked my panting Lithuanian to a spring in this market-place, and lethim drink. He drank uncommonly, with an eagerness not to be satisfied, but natural enough; for when I looked round for my men, what should Isee, gentlemen! the hind part of the poor creature--croup and legs weremissing, as if he had been cut in two, and the water ran out as it camein, without refreshing or doing him any good! How it could have happenedwas quite a mystery to me, till I returned with him to the town-gate. There I saw, that when I rushed in pell-mell with the flying enemy, theyhad dropped the portcullis (a heavy falling door, with sharp spikes atthe bottom, let down suddenly to prevent the entrance of an enemy intoa fortified town) unperceived by me, which had totally cut off his hindpart, that still lay quivering on the outside of the gate. It would havebeen an irreparable loss, had not our farrier contrived to bring bothparts together while hot. He sewed them up with sprigs and young shootsof laurels that were at hand; the wound healed, and, what could not havehappened but to so glorious a horse, the sprigs took root in his body, grew up, and formed a bower over me; so that afterwards I could go uponmany other expeditions in the shade of my own and my horse's laurels. 

CHAPTER VI

_The Baron is made a prisoner of war, and sold for a slave--Keeps theSultan's bees, which are attacked by two bears--Loses one of his bees;a silver hatchet, which he throws at the bears, rebounds and flies up tothe moon; brings it back by an ingenious invention; falls to the earthon his return, and helps himself out of a pit--Extricates himself froma carriage which meets his in a narrow road, in a manner never beforeattempted nor practised since--The wonderful effects of the frost uponhis servant's French horn. _

I was not always successful. I had the misfortune to be overpoweredby numbers, to be made prisoner of war; and, what is worse, but alwaysusual among the Turks, to be sold for a slave. [The Baron was afterwardsin great favour with the Grand Seignior, as will appear hereafter. ] Inthat state of humiliation my daily task was not very hard and laborious, but rather singular and irksome. It was to drive the Sultan's bees everymorning to their pasture-grounds, to attend them all the day long, andagainst night to drive them back to their hives. One evening I missed abee, and soon observed that two bears had fallen upon her to tear her topieces for the honey she carried. I had nothing like an offensive weaponin my hands but the silver hatchet, which is the badge of the Sultan'sgardeners and farmers. I threw it at the robbers, with an intention tofrighten them away, and set the poor bee at liberty; but, by an unluckyturn of my arm, it flew upwards, and continued rising till itreached the moon. How should I recover it? how fetch it down again?I recollected that Turkey-beans grow very quick, and run up to anastonishing height. I planted one immediately; it grew, and actuallyfastened itself to one of the moon's horns. I had no more to do nowbut to climb up by it into the moon, where I safely arrived, and had atroublesome piece of business before I could find my silver hatchet, ina place where everything has the brightness of silver; at last, however, I found it in a heap of chaff and chopped straw. I was now forreturning: but, alas! the heat of the sun had dried up my bean; it wastotally useless for my descent: so I fell to work, and twisted me a ropeof that chopped straw, as long and as well as I could make it. This Ifastened to one of the moon's horns, and slid down to the end of it. Here I held myself fast with the left hand, and with the hatchet in myright, I cut the long, now useless end of the upper part, which, whentied to the lower end, brought me a good deal lower: this repeatedsplicing and tying of the rope did not improve its quality, or bring medown to the Sultan's farm. I was four or five miles from the earth atleast when it broke; I fell to the ground with such amazing violence, that I found myself stunned, and in a hole nine fathoms deep atleast, made by the weight of my body falling from so great a height: Irecovered, but knew not how to get out again; however, I dug slopes orsteps with my finger-nails [the Baron's nails were then of forty years'growth], and easily accomplished it. 

Peace was soon after concluded with the Turks, and gaining my liberty, I left St. Petersburg at the time of that singular revolution, when theemperor in his cradle, his mother, the Duke of Brunswick, her father, Field-Marshal Munich, and many others were sent to Siberia. The winterwas then so uncommonly severe all over Europe, that ever since the sunseems to be frost-bitten. At my return to this place, I felt on the roadgreater inconveniences than those I had experienced on my setting out. 

I travelled post, and finding myself in a narrow lane, bid thepostillion give a signal with his horn, that other travellers mightnot meet us in the narrow passage. He blew with all his might; but hisendeavours were in vain, he could not make the horn sound, which wasunaccountable, and rather unfortunate, for soon after we found ourselvesin the presence of another coach coming the other way: there was noproceeding; however, I got out of my carriage, and being pretty strong, placed it, wheels and all, upon my head: I then jumped over a hedgeabout nine feet high (which, considering the weight of the coach, wasrather difficult) into a field, and came out again by another jump intothe road beyond the other carriage: I then went back for the horses, andplacing one upon my head, and the other under my left arm, by the samemeans brought them to my coach, put to, and proceeded to an inn at theend of our stage. I should have told you that the horse under my arm wasvery spirited, and not above four years old; in making my second springover the hedge, he expressed great dislike to that violent kind ofmotion by kicking and snorting; however, I confined his hind legsby putting them into my coat-pocket. After we arrived at the inn mypostillion and I refreshed ourselves: he hung his horn on a peg near thekitchen fire; I sat on the other side. 

Suddenly we heard a _tereng! tereng! teng! teng!_ We looked round, andnow found the reason why the postillion had not been able to sound hishorn; his tunes were frozen up in the horn, and came out now by thawing, plain enough, and much to the credit of the driver; so that the honestfellow entertained us for some time with a variety of tunes, withoutputting his mouth to the horn--"The King of Prussia's March, " "Over theHill and over the Dale, " with many other favourite tunes; at length thethawing entertainment concluded, as I shall this short account of myRussian travels. 

_Some travellers are apt to advance more than is perhaps strictly true;if any of the company entertain a doubt of my veracity, I shall onlysay to such, I pity their want of faith, and must request they willtake leave before I begin the second part of my adventures, which are asstrictly founded in fact as those I have already related. _

CHAPTER VII

_The Baron relates his adventures on a voyage to North America, whichare well worth the reader's attention--Pranks of a whale--A sea-gullsaves a sailor's life--The Baron's head forced into his stomach--Adangerous leak stopped à posteriori. _

I embarked at Portsmouth in a first-rate English man-of-war, of onehundred guns, and fourteen hundred men, for North America. Nothing worthrelating happened till we arrived within three hundred leagues of theriver St. Laurence, when the ship struck with amazing force against (aswe supposed) a rock; however, upon heaving the lead we could find nobottom, even with three hundred fathom. What made this circumstancethe more wonderful, and indeed beyond all comprehension, was, thatthe violence of the shock was such that we lost our rudder, broke ourbowsprit in the middle, and split all our masts from top to bottom, twoof which went by the board; a poor fellow, who was aloft furling themainsheet, was flung at least three leagues from the ship; but hefortunately saved his life by laying hold of the tail of a largesea-gull, who brought him back, and lodged him on the very spot fromwhence he was thrown. Another proof of the violence of the shock was theforce with which the people between decks were driven against the floorsabove them; my head particularly was pressed into my stomach, where itcontinued some months before it recovered its natural situation. Whilstwe were all in a state of astonishment at the general and unaccountableconfusion in which we were involved, the whole was suddenly explainedby the appearance of a large whale, who had been basking, asleep, within sixteen feet of the surface of the water. This animal was so muchdispleased with the disturbance which our ship had given him--for in ourpassage we had with our rudder scratched his nose--that he beat in allthe gallery and part of the quarter-deck with his tail, and almost atthe same instant took the mainsheet anchor, which was suspended, asit usually is, from the head, between his teeth, and ran away with theship, at least sixty leagues, at the rate of twelve leagues an hour, when fortunately the cable broke, and we lost both the whale and theanchor. However, upon our return to Europe, some months after, we foundthe same whale within a few leagues of the same spot, floating dead uponthe water; it measured above half a mile in length. As we could take buta small quantity of such a monstrous animal on board, we got our boatsout, and with much difficulty cut off his head, where, to our great joy, we found the anchor, and above forty fathom of the cable, concealed onthe left side of his mouth, just under his tongue. [Perhaps this was thecause of his death, as that side of his tongue was much swelled, witha great degree of inflammation. ] This was the only extraordinarycircumstance that happened on this voyage. One part of our distress, however, I had like to have forgot: while the whale was running awaywith the ship she sprung a leak, and the water poured in so fast, thatall our pumps could not keep us from sinking; it was, however, my goodfortune to discover it first. I found it a large hole about a footdiameter; you will naturally suppose this circumstance gives me infinitepleasure, when I inform you that this noble vessel was preserved, withall its crew, by a most fortunate thought! in short, I sat down overit, and could have dispensed with it had it been larger; nor will yoube surprised when I inform you I am descended from Dutch parents. [TheBaron's ancestors have but lately settled there; in another part of hisadventures he boasts of royal blood. ]

My situation, while I sat there, was rather cool, but the carpenter'sart soon relieved me. 

CHAPTER VIII

_Bathes in the Mediterranean--Meets an unexpected companion--Arrivesunintentionally in the regions of heat and darkness, from which he isextricated by dancing a hornpipe--Frightens his deliverers, and returnson shore. _

I was once in great danger of being lost in a most singular manner inthe Mediterranean: I was bathing in that pleasant sea near Marseillesone summer's afternoon, when I discovered a very large fish, with hisjaws quite extended, approaching me with the greatest velocity; therewas no time to be lost, nor could I possibly avoid him. I immediatelyreduced myself to as small a size as possible, by closing my feet andplacing my hands also near my sides, in which position I passed directlybetween his jaws, and into his stomach, where I remained some time intotal darkness, and comfortably warm, as you may imagine; at last itoccurred to me, that by giving him pain he would be glad to get rid ofme: as I had plenty of room, I played my pranks, such as tumbling, hop, step, and jump, &c. , but nothing seemed to disturb him so much as thequick motion of my feet in attempting to dance a hornpipe; soon after Ibegan he put me out by sudden fits and starts: I persevered; at last heroared horridly, and stood up almost perpendicularly in the water, withhis head and shoulders exposed, by which he was discovered by the peopleon board an Italian trader, then sailing by, who harpooned him in a fewminutes. As soon as he was brought on board I heard the crew consultinghow they should cut him up, so as to preserve the greatest quantity ofoil. As I understood Italian, I was in most dreadful apprehensionslest their weapons employed in this business should destroy me also;therefore I stood as near the centre as possible, for there was roomenough for a dozen men in this creature's stomach, and I naturallyimagined they would begin with the extremities; however, my fears weresoon dispersed, for they began by opening the bottom of the belly. Assoon as I perceived a glimmering of light I called out lustily to bereleased from a situation in which I was now almost suffocated. It isimpossible for me to do justice to the degree and kind of astonishmentwhich sat upon every countenance at hearing a human voice issue from afish, but more so at seeing a naked man walk upright out of his body;in short, gentlemen, I told them the whole story, as I have done you, whilst amazement struck them dumb. 

After taking some refreshment, and jumping into the sea to cleansemyself, I swam to my clothes, which lay where I had left them on theshore. As near as I can calculate, I was near four hours and a halfconfined in the stomach of this animal. 

CHAPTER IX

_Adventures in Turkey, and upon the river Nile--Sees a balloonover Constantinople; shoots at, and brings it down; finds a Frenchexperimental philosopher suspended from it--Goes on an embassy to GrandCairo, and returns upon the Nile, where he is thrown into an unexpectedsituation, and detained six weeks. _

When I was in the service of the Turks I frequently amused myself in apleasure-barge on the Marmora, which commands a view of the whole cityof Constantinople, including the Grand Seignior's Seraglio. One morning, as I was admiring the beauty and serenity of the sky, I observed aglobular substance in the air, which appeared to be about the size of atwelve-inch globe, with somewhat suspended from it. I immediately tookup my largest and longest barrel fowling-piece, which I never travel ormake even an excursion without, if I can help it; I charged with a ball, and fired at the globe, but to no purpose, the object being at too greata distance. I then put in a double quantity of powder, and five or sixballs: this second attempt succeeded; all the balls took effect, andtore one side open, and brought it down. Judge my surprise when a mostelegant gilt car, with a man in it, and part of a sheep which seemed tohave been roasted, fell within two yards of me. When my astonishmenthad in some degree subsided, I ordered my people to row close to thisstrange aërial traveller. 

I took him on board my barge (he was a native of France): he was muchindisposed from his sudden fall into the sea, and incapable of speaking;after some time, however, he recovered, and gave the following accountof himself, viz. : "About seven or eight days since, I cannot tell which, for I have lost my reckoning, having been most of the time where the sunnever sets, I ascended from the Land's End in Cornwall, in the island ofGreat Britain, in the car from which I have been just taken, suspendedfrom a very large balloon, and took a sheep with me to try atmosphericexperiments upon: unfortunately, the wind changed within ten minutesafter my ascent, and instead of driving towards Exeter, where I intendedto land, I was driven towards the sea, over which I suppose I havecontinued ever since, but much too high to make observations. 

"The calls of hunger were so pressing, that the intended experimentsupon heat and respiration gave way to them. I was obliged, on the thirdday, to kill the sheep for food; and being at that time infinitely abovethe moon, and for upwards of sixteen hours after so very near the sunthat it scorched my eyebrows, I placed the carcase, taking care to skinit first, in that part of the car where the sun had sufficient power, or, in other words, where the balloon did not shade it from the sun, bywhich method it was well roasted in about two hours. This has been myfood ever since. " Here he paused, and seemed lost in viewing the objectsabout him. When I told him the buildings before us were the GrandSeignior's Seraglio at Constantinople, he seemed exceedingly affected, as he had supposed himself in a very different situation. "The cause, "added he, "of my long flight, was owing to the failure of a string whichwas fixed to a valve in the balloon, intended to let out the inflammableair; and if it had not been fired at, and rent in the manner beforementioned, I might, like Mahomet, have been suspended between heaven andearth till doomsday. "

The Grand Seignior, to whom I was introduced by the Imperial, Russian, and French ambassadors, employed me to negotiate a matter of greatimportance at Grand Cairo, and which was of such a nature that it mustever remain a secret. 

I went there in great state by land; where, having completed thebusiness, I dismissed almost all my attendants, and returned like aprivate gentleman; the weather was delightful, and that famous river theNile was beautiful beyond all description; in short, I was tempted tohire a barge to descend by water to Alexandria. On the third day of myvoyage the river began to rise most amazingly (you have all heard, Ipresume, of the annual overflowing of the Nile), and on the next day itspread the whole country for many leagues on each side! On the fifth, atsunrise, my barge became entangled with what I at first took for shrubs, but as the light became stronger I found myself surrounded by almonds, which were perfectly ripe, and in the highest perfection. Upon plumbingwith a line my people found we were at least sixty feet from the ground, and unable to advance or retreat. At about eight or nine o'clock, as near as I could judge by the altitude of the sun, the wind rosesuddenly, and canted our barge on one side: here she filled, and I sawno more of her for some time. Fortunately we all saved ourselves (sixmen and two boys) by clinging to the tree, the boughs of which wereequal to our weight, though not to that of the barge: in this situationwe continued six weeks and three days, living upon the almonds; I neednot inform you we had plenty of water. On the forty-second day ofour distress the water fell as rapidly as it had risen, and on theforty-sixth we were able to venture down upon _terra firma_. Our bargewas the first pleasing object we saw, about two hundred yards from thespot where she sunk. After drying everything that was useful by the heatof the sun, and loading ourselves with necessaries from the stores onboard, we set out to recover our lost ground, and found, by the nearestcalculation, we had been carried over garden-walls, and a variety ofenclosures, above one hundred and fifty miles. In four days, after avery tiresome journey on foot, with thin shoes, we reached the river, which was now confined to its banks, related our adventures to a boy, who kindly accommodated all our wants, and sent us forward in a bargeof his own. In six days more we arrived at Alexandria, where wetook shipping for Constantinople. I was received kindly by the GrandSeignior, and had the honour of seeing the Seraglio, to which hishighness introduced me himself. 

CHAPTER X

_Pays a visit during the siege of Gibraltar to his old friend GeneralElliot--Sinks a Spanish man-of-war--Wakes an old woman on the Africancoast--Destroys all the enemy's cannon; frightens the Count d'Artois, and sends him to Paris--Saves the lives of two English spies with theidentical sling that killed Goliath; and raises the siege. _

During the late siege of Gibraltar I went with a provision-fleet, underLord Rodney's command, to see my old friend General Elliot, who has, byhis distinguished defence of that place, acquired laurels that can neverfade. After the usual joy which generally attends the meeting of oldfriends had subsided, I went to examine the state of the garrison, and view the operations of the enemy, for which purpose the Generalaccompanied me. I had brought a most excellent refracting telescope withme from London, purchased of Dollond, by the help of which I found theenemy were going to discharge a thirty-six pounder at the spot where westood. I told the General what they were about; he looked throughthe glass also, and found my conjectures right. I immediately, byhis permission, ordered a forty-eight pounder to be brought from aneighbouring battery, which I placed with so much exactness (having longstudied the art of gunnery) that I was sure of my mark. 

I continued watching the enemy till I saw the match placed at thetouch-hole of their piece; at that very instant I gave the signal forour gun to be fired also. 

About midway between the two pieces of cannon the balls struck eachother with amazing force, and the effect was astonishing! The enemy'sball recoiled back with such violence as to kill the man who haddischarged it, by carrying his head fairly off, with sixteen otherswhich it met with in its progress to the Barbary coast, where its force, after passing through three masts of vessels that then lay in a linebehind each other in the harbour, was so much spent, that it only brokeits way through the roof of a poor labourer's hut, about two hundredyards inland, and destroyed a few teeth an old woman had left, who layasleep upon her back with her mouth open. The ball lodged in her throat. Her husband soon after came home, and endeavoured to extract it; butfinding that impracticable, by the assistance of a rammer he forcedit into her stomach. Our ball did excellent service; for it not onlyrepelled the other in the manner just described, but, proceeding as Iintended it should, it dismounted the very piece of cannon that had justbeen employed against us, and forced it into the hold of the ship, whereit fell with so much force as to break its way through the bottom. Theship immediately filled and sank, with above a thousand Spanish sailorson board, besides a considerable number of soldiers. This, to be sure, was a most extraordinary exploit; I will not, however, take the wholemerit to myself; my judgment was the principal engine, but chanceassisted me a little; for I afterwards found, that the man who chargedour forty-eight pounder put in, by mistake, a double quantity of powder, else we could never have succeeded so much beyond all expectation, especially in repelling the enemy's ball. 

General Elliot would have given me a commission for this singularpiece of service; but I declined everything, except his thanks, which Ireceived at a crowded table of officers at supper on the evening of thatvery day. 

As I am very partial to the English, who are beyond all doubt a bravepeople, I determined not to take my leave of the garrison till I hadrendered them another piece of service, and in about three weeks anopportunity presented itself. I dressed myself in the habit of a _Popishpriest_, and at about one o'clock in the morning stole out of thegarrison, passed the enemy's lines, and arrived in the middle of theircamp, where I entered the tent in which the Prince d'Artois was, withthe commander-in-chief, and several other officers, in deep council, concerting a plan to storm the garrison next morning. My disguise was myprotection; they suffered me to continue there, hearing everything thatpassed, till they went to their several beds. When I found the wholecamp, and even the sentinels, were wrapped up in the arms of Morpheus, I began my work, which was that of dismounting all their cannon (abovethree hundred pieces), from forty-eight to twenty-four pounders, andthrowing them three leagues into the sea. Having no assistance, I foundthis the hardest task I ever undertook, except swimming to the oppositeshore with the famous Turkish piece of ordnance, described by Baron deTott in his Memoirs, which I shall hereafter mention. I then piled allthe carriages together in the centre of the camp, which, to prevent thenoise of the wheels being heard, I carried in pairs under my arms; and anoble appearance they made, as high at least as the rock of Gibraltar. I then lighted a match by striking a flint stone, situated twenty feetfrom the ground (in an old wall built by the Moors when they invadedSpain), with the breech of an iron eight-and-forty pounder, and so setfire to the whole pile. I forgot to inform you that I threw all theirammunition-waggons upon the top. 

Before I applied the lighted match I had laid the combustibles at thebottom so judiciously, that the whole was in a blaze in a moment. Toprevent suspicion I was one of the first to express my surprise. Thewhole camp was, as you may imagine, petrified with astonishment: thegeneral conclusion was, that their sentinels had been bribed, and thatseven or eight regiments of the garrison had been employed in thishorrid destruction of their artillery. Mr. Drinkwater, in his account ofthis famous siege, mentions the enemy sustaining a great loss by a firewhich happened in their camp, but never knew the cause; how should he?as I never divulged it before (though I alone saved Gibraltar by thisnight's business), not even to General Elliot. The Count d'Artois andall his attendants ran away in their fright, and never stopped on theroad till they reached Paris, which they did in about a fortnight;this dreadful conflagration had such an effect upon them that they wereincapable of taking the least refreshment for three months after, but, chameleon-like, lived upon the air. 

_If any gentleman will say he doubts the truth of this story, I willfine him a gallon of brandy and make him drink it at one draught. _

About two months after I had done the besieged this service, onemorning, as I sat at breakfast with General Elliot, a shell (for I hadnot time to destroy their mortars as well as their cannon) entered theapartment we were sitting in; it lodged upon our table: the General, asmost men would do, quitted the room directly; but I took it up beforeit burst, and carried it to the top of the rock, when, looking overthe enemy's camp, on an eminence near the sea-coast I observed aconsiderable number of people, but could not, with my naked eye, discover how they were employed. I had recourse again to my telescope, when I found that two of our officers, one a general, the other acolonel, with whom I spent the preceding evening, and who went out intothe enemy's camp about midnight as spies, were taken, and then wereactually going to be executed on a gibbet. I found the distance toogreat to throw the shell with my hand, but most fortunately recollectingthat I had the very sling in my pocket which assisted David in slayingGoliath, I placed the shell in it, and immediately threw it in the midstof them: it burst as it fell, and destroyed all present, except the twoculprits, who were saved by being suspended so high, for they were justturned off: however, one of the pieces of the shell fled with such forceagainst the foot of the gibbet, that it immediately brought it down. Ourtwo friends no sooner felt _terra firma_ than they looked about for thecause; and finding their guards, executioner, and all, had taken it intheir heads to die first, they directly extricated each other from theirdisgraceful cords, and then ran down to the sea-shore, seized a Spanishboat with two men in it, and made them row to one of our ships, whichthey did with great safety, and in a few minutes after, when I wasrelating to General Elliot how I had acted, they both took us by thehand, and after mutual congratulations we retired to spend the day withfestivity. 

CHAPTER XI

_An interesting account of the Baron's ancestors--A quarrel relativeto the spot where Noah built his ark--The history of the sling, andits properties--A favourite poet introduced upon no very reputableoccasion--queen Elizabeth's abstinence--The Baron's father crosses fromEngland to Holland upon a marine horse, which he sells for seven hundredducats. _

You wish (I can see by your countenances) I would inform you how Ibecame possessed of such a treasure as the sling just mentioned. (Herefacts must be held sacred. ) Thus then it was: I am a descendant of thewife of Uriah, whom we all know David was intimate with; she had severalchildren by his majesty; they quarrelled once upon a matter of the firstconsequence, viz. , the spot where Noah's ark was built, and where itrested after the flood. A separation consequently ensued. She had oftenheard him speak of this sling as his most valuable treasure: this shestole the night they parted; it was missed before she got out ofhis dominions, and she was pursued by no less than six of the king'sbody-guards: however, by using it herself she hit the first of them(for one was more active in the pursuit than the rest) where David didGoliath, and killed him on the spot. His companions were so alarmed athis fall that they retired, and left Uriah's wife to pursue her journey. She took with her, I should have informed you before, her favourite sonby this connection, to whom she bequeathed the sling; and thus it has, without interruption, descended from father to son till it came into mypossession. One of its possessors, my great-great-great-grandfather, who lived about two hundred and fifty years ago, was upon a visit toEngland, and became intimate with a poet who was a great deer-stealer;I think his name was Shakespeare: he frequently borrowed this sling, andwith it killed so much of Sir Thomas Lucy's venison, that he narrowlyescaped the fate of my two friends at Gibraltar. Poor Shakespeare wasimprisoned, and my ancestor obtained his freedom in a very singularmanner. Queen Elizabeth was then on the throne, but grown so indolent, that every trifling matter was a trouble to her; dressing, undressing, eating, drinking, and some other offices which shall be nameless, madelife a burden to her; all these things he enabled her to do without, orby a deputy! and what do you think was the only return she could prevailupon him to accept for such eminent services? setting Shakespeare atliberty! Such was his affection for that famous writer, that he wouldhave shortened his own days to add to the number of his friend's. 

I do not hear that any of the queen's subjects, particularly the_beef-eaters_, as they are vulgarly called to this day, however theymight be struck with the novelty at the time, much approved of herliving totally without food. She did not survive the practice herselfabove seven years and a half. 

My father, who was the immediate possessor of this sling before me, toldme the following anecdote:--

He was walking by the sea-shore at Harwich, with this sling in hispocket; before his paces had covered a mile he was attacked by a fierceanimal called a seahorse, open-mouthed, who ran at him with great fury;he hesitated a moment, then took out his sling, retreated back abouta hundred yards, stooped for a couple of pebbles, of which there wereplenty under his feet, and slung them both so dexterously at the animal, that each stone put out an eye, and lodged in the cavities which theirremoval had occasioned. He now got upon his back, and drove him into thesea; for the moment he lost his sight he lost also ferocity, and becameas tame as possible: the sling was placed as a bridle in his mouth; hewas guided with the greatest facility across the ocean, and in lessthan three hours they both arrived on the opposite shore, which is aboutthirty leagues. The master of the _Three Cups_, at Helvoetsluys, inHolland, purchased this marine horse, to make an exhibition of, forseven hundred ducats, which was upwards of three hundred pounds, and thenext day my father paid his passage back in the packet to Harwich. 

_--My father made several curious observations in this passage, which Iwill relate hereafter. _

CHAPTER XII

_The frolic; its consequences--Windsor Castle--St. Paul's--College ofPhysicians--Undertakers, sextons, &c. , almost ruined--Industry of theapothecaries. _

THE FROLIC. 

This famous sling makes the possessor equal to any task he is desirousof performing. 

I made a balloon of such extensive dimensions, that an account of thesilk it contained would exceed all credibility; every mercer's shop andweaver's stock in London, Westminster, and Spitalfields contributed toit: with this balloon and my sling I played many tricks, such as takingone house from its station, and placing another in its stead, withoutdisturbing the inhabitants, who were generally asleep, or too muchemployed to observe the peregrinations of their habitations. When thesentinel at Windsor Castle heard St. Paul's clock strike thirteen, itwas through my dexterity; I brought the buildings nearly together thatnight, by placing the castle in St. George's Fields, and carried itback again before daylight, without waking any of the inhabitants;notwithstanding these exploits, I should have kept my balloon, and itsproperties a secret, if Montgolfier had not made the art of flying sopublic. 

On the 30th of September, when the College of Physicians chose theirannual officers, and dined sumptuously together, I filled my balloon, brought it over the dome of their building, clapped the sling round thegolden ball at the top, fastening the other end of it to the balloon, and immediately ascended with the whole college to an immense height, where I kept them upwards of three months. You will naturally inquirewhat they did for food such a length of time? To this I answer, HadI kept them suspended twice the time, they would have experienced noinconvenience on that account, so amply, or rather extravagantly, hadthey spread their table for that day's feasting. 

Though this was meant as an innocent frolic, it was productive ofmuch mischief to several respectable characters amongst the clergy, undertakers, sextons, and grave-diggers: they were, it must beacknowledged, sufferers; for it is a well-known fact, that duringthe three months the college was suspended in the air, and thereforeincapable of attending their patients, no deaths happened, except a fewwho fell before the scythe of Father Time, and some melancholy objectswho, perhaps to avoid some trifling inconvenience here, laid the handsof violence upon themselves, and plunged into misery infinitely greaterthan that which they hoped by such a rash step to avoid, without amoment's consideration. 

If the apothecaries had not been very active during the above time, halfthe undertakers in all probability would have been bankrupts. 

CHAPTER XIII

A TRIP TO THE NORTH

_The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large bears, and hasa very narrow escape--Gains the confidence of these animals, and thendestroys thousands of them; loads the ship with their hams and skins;makes presents of the former, and obtains a general invitation to allcity feasts--A dispute between the Captain and the Baron, in which, frommotives of politeness, the Captain is suffered to gain his point--TheBaron declines the offer of a throne, and an empress into the bargain. _

We all remember Captain Phipps's (now Lord Mulgrave) last voyage ofdiscovery to the north. I accompanied the captain, not as an officer, but as a private friend. When we arrived in a high northern latitude Iwas viewing the objects around me with the telescope which I introducedto your notice in my Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw two largewhite bears in violent action upon a body of ice considerably above themasts, and about half a league distance. I immediately took my carbine, slung it across my shoulder, and ascended the ice. When I arrived atthe top, the unevenness of the surface made my approach to those animalstroublesome and hazardous beyond expression: sometimes hideous cavitiesopposed me, which I was obliged to spring over; in other parts thesurface was as smooth as a mirror, and I was continually falling: as Iapproached near enough to reach them, I found they were only at play. Iimmediately began to calculate the value of their skins, for they wereeach as large as a well-fed ox: unfortunately, at the very instant I waspresenting my carbine my right foot slipped, I fell upon my back, andthe violence of the blow deprived me totally of my senses for nearlyhalf an hour; however, when I recovered, judge of my surprise at findingone of those large animals I have been just describing had turned meupon my face, and was just laying hold of the waistband of my breeches, which were then new and made of leather: he was certainly going to carryme feet foremost, God knows where, when I took this knife (showing alarge clasp knife) out of my side-pocket, made a chop at one of hishind feet, and cut off three of his toes; he immediately let me drop androared most horribly. I took up my carbine and fired at him as he ranoff; he fell directly. The noise of the piece roused several thousandof these white bears, who were asleep upon the ice within half a mile ofme; they came immediately to the spot. There was no time to be lost. Amost fortunate thought arrived in my pericranium just at that instant. I took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the time that somepeople would be in skinning a rabbit, and wrapped myself in it, placingmy own head directly under Bruin's; the whole herd came round meimmediately, and my apprehensions threw me into a most piteous situationto be sure: however, my scheme turned out a most admirable one for myown safety. They all came smelling, and evidently took me for a brotherBruin; I wanted nothing but bulk to make an excellent counterfeit:however, I saw several cubs amongst them not much larger than myself. After they had all smelt me, and the body of their deceased companion, whose skin was now become my protector, we seemed very sociable, and Ifound I could mimic all their actions tolerably well; but at growling, roaring, and hugging they were quite my masters. I began now to thinkthat I might turn the general confidence which I had created amongstthese animals to my advantage. 

I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound in the spine was instantdeath. I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse tomy knife, with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck, near the shoulders, but under great apprehensions, not doubting but thecreature would, if he survived the stab, tear me to pieces. However, Iwas remarkably fortunate, for he fell dead at my feet without making theleast noise. I was now resolved to demolish them every one in the samemanner, which I accomplished without the least difficulty; for althoughthey saw their companions fall, they had no suspicion of either thecause or the effect. When they all lay dead before me, I felt myself asecond Samson, having slain my thousands. 

To make short of the story, I went back to the ship, and borrowed threeparts of the crew to assist me in skinning them, and carrying the hamson board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded the ship with them. Asto the other parts of the animals, they were thrown into the sea, thoughI doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the legs, were theyproperly cured. 

As soon as we returned I sent some of the hams, in the captain's name, to the Lords of Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury, some tothe Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the tradingcompanies, and the remainder to my particular friends, from all ofwhom I received warm thanks; but from the city I was honoured withsubstantial notice, viz. , an invitation to dine at Guildhall annually onLord Mayor's day. 

The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majestyand her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thankswith her own hand, and sent it by an ambassador extraordinary, invitingme to share the honours of her crown; but as I never was ambitious ofroyal dignity, I declined her majesty's favour in the politest terms. The same ambassador had orders to wait and bring my answer to hermajesty _personally_, upon which business he was absent about threemonths: her majesty's reply convinced me of the strength of heraffections, and the dignity of her mind; her late indisposition wasentirely owing (as she, kind creature! was pleased to express herself ina late conversation with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to my cruelty. What thesex see in me I cannot conceive, but the Empress is not the only femalesovereign who has offered me her hand. 

Some people have very illiberally reported that Captain Phipps didnot proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition. Here itbecomes my duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very proper trim tillI loaded it with such an immense quantity of bear-skins and hams, afterwhich it would have been madness to have attempted to proceed further, as we were now scarcely able to combat a brisk gale, much less thosemountains of ice which lay in the higher latitudes. 

The captain has since often expressed a dissatisfaction that he hadno share in the honours of that day, which he emphatically called_bear-skin day_. He has also been very desirous of knowing by what artI destroyed so many thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself;indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory with me, that we haveactually quarrelled about it, and we are not now upon speaking terms. He boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving the bears, because I wascovered with one of their skins; nay, he declares there is not, in hisopinion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally as himself among thehuman species. 

He is now a noble peer, and I am too well acquainted with good mannersto dispute so delicate a point with his lordship. 

CHAPTER XIV

_Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyond all comparison, yet fails in part ofhis attempt--Gets into disgrace with the Grand Seignior, who orders hishead to be cut off--Escapes, and gets on board a vessel, in which he iscarried to Venice--Baron Tott's origin, with some account of thatgreat man's parents--Pope Ganganelli's amour--His Holiness fond ofshell-fish. _

Baron de Tott, in his Memoirs, makes as great a parade of a singleact as many travellers whose whole lives have been spent in seeing thedifferent parts of the globe; for my part, if I had been blown fromEurope to Asia from the mouth of a cannon, I should have boasted lessof it afterwards than he has done of only firing off a Turkish piece ofordnance. What he says of this wonderful gun, as near as my memory willserve me, is this:--"The Turks had placed below the castle, and near thecity, on the banks of Simois, a celebrated river, an enormous pieceof ordnance cast in brass, which would carry a marble ball of elevenhundred pounds weight. I was inclined, " says Tott, "to fire it, but Iwas willing first to judge of its effect; the crowd about me trembled atthis proposal, as they asserted it would overthrow not only the castle, but the city also; at length their fears in part subsided, and I waspermitted to discharge it. It required not less than three hundredand thirty pounds' weight of powder, and the ball weighed, as beforementioned, eleven hundredweight. When the engineer brought the priming, the crowds who were about me retreated back as fast as they could; nay, it was with the utmost difficulty I persuaded the Pacha, who came onpurpose, there was no danger: even the engineer who was to dischargeit by my direction was considerably alarmed. I took my stand on somestone-work behind the cannon, gave the signal, and felt a shock likethat of earthquake! At the distance of three hundred fathom the ballburst into three pieces; the fragments crossed the strait, rebounded onthe opposite mountain, and left the surface of the water all in a foamthrough the whole breadth of the channel. "

This, gentlemen, is, as near as I can recollect, Baron Tott's accountof the largest cannon in the known world. Now, when I was there not longsince, the anecdote of Tott's firing this tremendous piece was mentionedas a proof of that gentleman's extraordinary courage. 

I was determined not to be outdone by a Frenchman, therefore took thisvery piece upon my shoulder, and, after balancing it properly, jumpedinto the sea with it, and swam to the opposite shore, from whence Iunfortunately attempted to throw it back into its former place. I sayunfortunately, for it slipped a little in my hand just as I was about todischarge it, and in consequence of that it fell into the middle of thechannel, where it now lies, without a prospect of ever recovering it:and notwithstanding the high favour I was in with the Grand Seignior, as before mentioned, this cruel Turk, as soon as he heard of the loss ofhis famous piece of ordnance, issued an order to cut off my head. Iwas immediately informed of it by one of the Sultanas, with whom I wasbecome a great favourite, and she secreted me in her apartment while theofficer charged with my execution was, with his assistants, in search ofme. 

That very night I made my escape on board a vessel bound to Venice, which was then weighing anchor to proceed on her voyage. 

The last story, gentlemen, I am not fond of mentioning, as I miscarriedin the attempt, and was very near losing my life into the bargain:however, as it contains no impeachment of my honour, I would notwithhold it from you. 

Now, gentlemen, you all know me, and can have no doubt of my veracity. I will entertain you with the origin of this same swaggering, bouncingTott. 

His reputed father was a native of Berne, in Switzerland; his professionwas that of a surveyor of the streets, lanes, and alleys, vulgarlycalled a scavenger. His mother was a native of the mountains of Savoy, and had a most beautiful large wen on her neck, common to both sexes inthat part of the world; she left her parents when young, and sought herfortune in the same city which gave his father birth; she maintainedherself while single by acts of kindness to our sex, for she never wasknown to refuse them any favour they asked, provided they did but payher some compliment beforehand. This lovely couple met by accidentin the street, in consequence of their being both intoxicated, for byreeling to one centre they threw each other down; this created mutualabuse, in which they were complete adepts; they were both carried to thewatch-house, and afterwards to the house of correction; they soon sawthe folly of quarrelling, made it up, became fond of each other, andmarried; but madam returning to her old tricks, his father, who had highnotions of honour, soon separated himself from her; she then joined afamily who strolled about with a puppet-show. In time she arrived atRome, where she kept an oyster-stand. You have all heard, no doubt ofPope Ganganelli, commonly called Clement XIV. : he was remarkably fond ofoysters. One Good Friday, as he was passing through this famous city instate, to assist at high mass at St. Peter's Church, he saw this woman'soysters (which were remarkably fine and fresh); he could not proceedwithout tasting them. There were about five thousand people in histrain; he ordered them all to stop, and sent word to the church he couldnot attend mass till next day; then alighting from his horse (for thePope always rides on horseback upon these occasions) he went into herstall, and ate every oyster she had there, and afterwards retired intothe cellar where she had a few more. This subterraneous apartment washer kitchen, parlour, and bed-chamber. He liked his situation so muchthat he discharged all his attendants, and to make short of the story, His Holiness passed the whole night there! Before they parted he gaveher absolution, not only for every sin she had, but all she mighthereafter commit. 

_Now, gentlemen, I have his mother's word for it (and her honour cannotbe doubted), that Baron Tott is the fruit of that amour. When Tott wasborn, his mother applied to His Holiness, as the father of her child; heimmediately placed him under the proper people, and as he grew up gavehim a gentleman's education, had him taught the use of arms, procuredhim promotion in France, and a title, and when he died he left him agood estate. _

CHAPTER XV

_A further account of the journey from Harwich to Helvoetsluys--Description of a number of marine objects never mentioned by anytraveller before--Rocks seen in this passage equal to the Alps inmagnitude; lobsters, crabs, &c. , of an extraordinary magnitude--Awoman's life saved--The cause of her falling into the sea--Dr. Hawes'directions followed with success. _

I omitted several very material parts in my father's journey across theEnglish Channel to Holland, which, that they may not be totally lostI will now faithfully give you in his own words, as I heard him relatethem to his friends several times. 

"On my arrival, " says my father, "at Helvoetsluys, I was observed tobreathe with some difficulty; upon the inhabitants inquiring into thecause, I informed them that the animal upon whose back I rode fromHarwich across to their shore did not swim! Such is their peculiar formand disposition, that they cannot float or move upon the surface of thewater; he ran with incredible swiftness upon the sands from the shore, driving fish in millions before him, many of which were quite differentfrom any I had yet seen, carrying their heads at the extremity of theirtails. I crossed, " continued he, "one prodigious range of rocks, equal in height to the Alps (the tops or highest parts of these marinemountains are said to be upwards of one hundred fathoms below thesurface of the sea), on the sides of which there was a great variety oftall, noble trees, loaded with marine fruit, such as lobsters, crabs, oysters, scollops, mussels, cockles, &c. &c. ; some of which were acart-load singly! and none less than a porter's! All those which arebrought on shore and sold in our markets are of an inferior dwarf kind, or, properly, waterfalls, _i. E. _, fruit shook off the branches of thetree it grows upon by the motion of the water, as those in our gardensare by that of the wind! The lobster-trees appeared the richest, but thecrab and oysters were the tallest. The periwinkle is a kind of shrub;it grows at the foot of the oyster-tree, and twines round it as the ivydoes the oak. I observed the effect of several accidents by shipwreck, &c. , particularly a ship that had been wrecked by striking againsta mountain or rock, the top of which lay within three fathoms of thesurface. As she sank she fell upon her side, and forced a very largelobster-tree out of its place. It was in the spring, when the lobsterswere very young, and many of them being separated by the violence ofthe shock, they fell upon a crab-tree which was growing below them; theyhave, like the farina of plants, united, and produced a fish resemblingboth. I endeavoured to bring one with me, but it was too cumbersome, andmy salt-water Pegasus seemed much displeased at every attempt to stophis career whilst I continued upon his back; besides, I was then, thoughgalloping over a mountain of rocks that lay about midway the passage, at least five hundred fathom below the surface of the sea, and beganto find the want of air inconvenient, therefore I had no inclination toprolong the time. Add to this, my situation was in other respects veryunpleasant; I met many large fish, who were, if I could judge by theiropen mouths, not only able, but really wished to devour us; now, as myRosinante was blind, I had these hungry gentlemen's attempts to guardagainst, in addition to my other difficulties. 

"As we drew near the Dutch shore, and the body of water over our headsdid not exceed twenty fathoms, I thought I saw a human figure in afemale dress then lying on the sand before me with some signs of life;when I came close I perceived her hand move: I took it into mine, andbrought her on shore as a corpse. An apothecary, who had just beeninstructed by Dr. Hawes [the Baron's father must have lived very latelyif Dr. Hawes was his preceptor], of London, treated her properly, andshe recovered. She was the rib of a man who commanded a vessel belongingto Helvoetsluys. He was just going out of port on a voyage, when she, hearing he had got a mistress with him, followed him in an open boat. As soon as she had got on the quarter-deck she flew at her husband, andattempted to strike him with such impetuosity, that he thought it mostprudent to slip on one side, and let her make the impression of herfingers upon the waves rather than his face: he was not much out in hisideas of the consequence; for meeting no opposition, she went directlyoverboard, and it was my unfortunate lot to lay the foundation forbringing this happy pair together again. 

"I can easily conceive what execrations the husband loaded me with when, on his return, he found this gentle creature waiting his arrival, andlearned the means by which she came into the world again. However, greatas the injury is which I have done this poor devil, I hope he will diein charity with me, as my motive was good, though the consequences tohim are, it must be confessed, horrible. "

CHAPTER XVI

_This is a very short chapter, but contains a fact for which the Baron'smemory ought to be dear to every Englishman, especially those who mayhereafter have the misfortune of being made prisoners of war. _

On my return from Gibraltar I travelled by way of France to England. Being a foreigner, this was not attended with any inconvenience to me. I found, in the harbour of Calais, a ship just arrived with a number ofEnglish sailors as prisoners of war. I immediately conceived an ideaof giving these brave fellows their liberty, which I accomplished asfollows:--After forming a pair of large wings, each of them forty yardslong, and fourteen wide, and annexing them to myself, I mounted at breakof day, when every creature, even the watch upon deck, was fast asleep. As I hovered over the ship I fastened three grappling irons to the topsof the three masts with my sling, and fairly lifted her several yardsout of the water, and then proceeded across to Dover, where I arrived inhalf an hour! Having no further occasion for these wings, I made them apresent to the governor of Dover Castle, where they are now exhibited tothe curious. 

As to the prisoners, and the Frenchmen who guarded them, they did notawake till they had been near two hours on Dover Pier. The moment theEnglish understood their situation they changed places with their guard, and took back what they had been plundered of, but no more, for theywere too generous to retaliate and plunder them in return. 

CHAPTER XVII

_Voyage eastward--The Baron introduces a friend who never deceivedhim: wins a hundred guineas by pinning his faith upon that friend'snose--Game started at sea--Some other circumstances which will, it ishoped, afford the reader no small degree of amusement. _

In a voyage which I made to the East Indies with Captain Hamilton, Itook a favourite pointer with me; he was, to use a common phrase, worthhis weight in gold, for he never deceived me. One day when we were, bythe best observations we could make, at least three hundred leagues fromland, my dog pointed; I observed him for near an hour with astonishment, and mentioned the circumstance to the captain and every officer onboard, asserting that we must be near land, for my dog smelt game. Thisoccasioned a general laugh; but that did not alter in the least the goodopinion I had of my dog. After much conversation pro and con, I boldlytold the captain I placed more confidence in Tray's nose than I did inthe eyes of every seaman on board, and therefore proposed laying the sumI had agreed to pay for my passage (viz. , one hundred guineas) thatwe should find game within half an hour. The captain (a good, heartyfellow) laughed again, desired Mr. Crowford the surgeon, who wasprepared, to feel my pulse; he did so, and reported me in perfecthealth. The following dialogue between them took place; I overheard it, though spoken low, and at some distance. 

CAPTAIN His brain is turned; I cannot with honour accept his wager. 

SURGEON I am of a different opinion; he is quite sane, and depends moreupon the scent of his dog than he will upon the judgment of all theofficers on board; he will certainly lose, and he richly merits it. 

CAPTAIN Such a wager cannot be fair on my side; however, I'll take himup, if I return his money afterwards. 

During the above conversation Tray continued in the same situation, andconfirmed me still more in my former opinion. I proposed the wager asecond time, it was then accepted. 

Done! and done! were scarcely said on both sides, when some sailors whowere fishing in the long-boat, which was made fast to the stern of theship, harpooned an exceeding large shark, which they brought on boardand began to cut up for the purpose of barrelling the oil, when, behold, they found no less than _six brace of live partridges_ in this animal'sstomach!

They had been so long in that situation, that one of the hens wassitting upon four eggs, and a fifth was hatching when the shark wasopened!!! This young bird we brought up by placing it with a litter ofkittens that came into the world a few minutes before! The old cat wasas fond of it as of any of her own four-legged progeny, and made herselfvery unhappy, when it flew out of her reach, till it returned again. Asto the other partridges, there were four hens amongst them; one or morewere, during the voyage, constantly sitting, and consequently we hadplenty of game at the captain's table; and in gratitude to poor Tray(for being a means of winning one hundred guineas) I ordered him thebones daily, and sometimes a whole bird. 

CHAPTER XVIII

A SECOND TRIP TO THE MOON. 

_A second visit (but an accidental one) to the moon--The ship driven bya whirlwind a thousand leagues above the surface of the water, where anew atmosphere meets them and carries them into a capacious harbour inthe moon--A description of the inhabitants, and their manner of cominginto the lunarian world--Animals, customs, weapons of war, wine, vegetables, &c. _

I have already informed you of one trip I made to the moon, in searchof my silver hatchet; I afterwards made another in a much pleasantermanner, and stayed in it long enough to take notice of several things, which I will endeavour to describe as accurately as my memory willpermit. 

I went on a voyage of discovery at the request of a distant relation, who had a strange notion that there were people to be found equal inmagnitude to those described by Gulliver in the empire of BROBDIGNAG. For my part I always treated that account as fabulous: however, tooblige him, for he had made me his heir, I undertook it, and sailedfor the South seas, where we arrived without meeting with anythingremarkable, except some flying men and women who were playing atleap-frog, and dancing minuets in the air. 

On the eighteenth day after we had passed the Island of Otaheite, mentioned by Captain Cook as the place from whence they brought Omai, ahurricane blew our ship at least one thousand leagues above the surfaceof the water, and kept it at the height till a fresh gale arising filledthe sails in every part, and onwards we travelled at a prodigious rate;thus we proceeded above the clouds for six weeks. At last we discovereda great land in the sky, like a shining island, round and bright, where, coming into a convenient harbour, we went on shore, and soon found itwas inhabited. Below us we saw another earth, containing cities, trees, mountains, rivers, seas, &c. , which we conjectured was this worldwhich we had left. Here we saw huge figures riding upon vultures of aprodigious size, and each of them having three heads. To form some ideaof the magnitude of these birds, I must inform you that each of theirwings is as wide and six times the length of the main sheet of ourvessel, which was about six hundred tons burthen. Thus, instead ofriding upon horses, as we do in this world, the inhabitants of the moon(for we now found we were in Madam Luna) fly about on these birds. Theking, we found, was engaged in a war with the sun, and he offered mea commission, but I declined the honour his majesty intended me. Everything in _this_ world is of extraordinary magnitude! a common fleabeing much larger than one of our sheep: in making war, their principalweapons are radishes, which are used as darts: those who are woundedby them die immediately. Their shields are made of mushrooms, and theirdarts (when radishes are out of season) of the tops of asparagus. Someof the natives of the dog-star are to be seen here; commerce tempts themto ramble; their faces are like large mastiffs', with their eyes nearthe lower end or tip of their noses: they have no eyelids, but covertheir eyes with the end of their tongues when they go to sleep; they aregenerally twenty feet high. As to the natives of the moon, none of themare less in stature than thirty-six feet: they are not called the humanspecies, but the cooking animals, for they all dress their food by fire, as we do, but lose not time at their meals, as they open their leftside, and place the whole quantity at once in their stomach, then shutit again till the same day in the next month; for they never indulgethemselves with food more than twelve times a year, or once a month. Allbut gluttons and epicures must prefer this method to ours. 

There is but one sex either of the cooking or any other animals in themoon; they are all produced from trees of various sizes and foliage;that which produces the cooking animal, or human species, is much morebeautiful than any of the others; it has large straight boughs andflesh-coloured leaves, and the fruit it produces are nuts or pods, withhard shells at least two yards long; when they become ripe, which isknown from their changing colour, they are gathered with great care, andlaid by as long as they think proper: when they choose to animate theseed of these nuts, they throw them into a large cauldron of boilingwater, which opens the shells in a few hours, and out jumps thecreature. 

Nature forms their minds for different pursuits before they comeinto the world; from one shell comes forth a warrior, from another aphilosopher, from a third a divine, from a fourth a lawyer, from a fiftha farmer, from a sixth a clown, &c. &c. , and each of them immediatelybegins to perfect themselves, by practising what they before knew onlyin theory. 

When they grow old they do not die, but turn into air, and dissolve likesmoke! As for their drink, they need none; the only evacuations theyhave are insensible, and by their breath. They have but one finger uponeach hand, with which they perform everything in as perfect a manneras we do who have four besides the thumb. Their heads are placed undertheir right arm, and when are going to travel, or about any violentexercise, they generally leave them at home, for they can consult themat any distance; this is a very common practice; and when those of rankor quality among the Lunarians have an inclination to see what's goingforward among the common people, they stay at home, _i. E. _, the bodystays at home, and sends the head only, which is suffered to be present_incog. _, and return at pleasure with an account of what has passed. 

The stones of their grapes are exactly like hail; and I am perfectlysatisfied that when a storm or high wind in the moon shakes their vines, and breaks the grapes from the stalks, the stones fall down and formour hail showers. I would advise those who are of my opinion to save aquantity of these stones when it hails next, and make Lunarian wine. Itis a common beverage at St. Luke's. Some material circumstances I hadnearly omitted. They put their bellies to the same use as we do a sack, and throw whatever they have occasion for into it, for they can shut andopen it again when they please, as they do their stomachs; they are nottroubled with bowels, liver, heart, or any other intestines, neitherare they encumbered with clothes, nor is there any part of their bodiesunseemly or indecent to exhibit. 

Their eyes they can take in and out of their places when they please, and can see as well with them in their hand as in their head! and ifby any accident they lose or damage one, they can borrow or purchaseanother, and see as clearly with it as their own. Dealers in eyes areon that account very numerous in most parts of the moon, and in thisarticle alone all the inhabitants are whimsical: sometimes green andsometimes yellow eyes are the fashion. I know these things appearstrange; but if the shadow of a doubt can remain on any person's mind, I say, let him take a voyage there himself, and then he will know I am atraveller of veracity. 

CHAPTER XIX

_The Baron crosses the Thames without the assistance of a bridge, ship, boat, balloon, or even his own will: rouses himself after a long nap, and destroys a monster who lived upon the destruction of others. _

My first visit to England was about the beginning of the present king'sreign. I had occasion to go down to Wapping, to see some goods shipped, which I was sending to some friends at Hamburgh; after that business wasover, I took the Tower Wharf in my way back. Here I found the sun verypowerful, and I was so much fatigued that I stepped into one of thecannon to compose me, where I fell fast asleep. This was about noon:it was the fourth of June; exactly at one o'clock these cannon were alldischarged in memory of the day. They had been all charged that morning, and having no suspicion of my situation, I was shot over the houses onthe opposite side of the river, into a farmer's yard, between Bermondseyand Deptford, where I fell upon a large hay-stack, without waking, andcontinued there in a sound sleep till hay became so extravagantly dear(which was about three months after), that the farmer found it hisinterest to send his whole stock to market: the stack I was reposingupon was the largest in the yard, containing above five hundred load;they began to cut that first. I woke with the voices of the peoplewho had ascended the ladders to begin at the top, and got up, totallyignorant of my situation: in attempting to run away I fell upon thefarmer to whom the hay belonged, and broke his neck, yet received noinjury myself. I afterwards found, to my great consolation, that thisfellow was a most detestable character, always keeping the produce ofhis grounds for extravagant markets. 

CHAPTER XX

_The Baron slips through the world: after paying a visit to Mount Etnahe finds himself in the South Sea; visits Vulcan in his passage; gets onboard a Dutchman; arrives at an island of cheese, surrounded by a seaof milk; describes some very extraordinary objects--Lose their compass;their ship slips between the teeth of a fish unknown in this part of theworld; their difficulty in escaping from thence; arrive in the CaspianSea--Starves a bear to death--A few waistcoat anecdotes--In thischapter, which is the longest, the Baron moralises upon the virtue ofveracity. _

Mr. Drybones' "Travels to Sicily, " which I had read with great pleasure, induced me to pay a visit to Mount Etna; my voyage to this place was notattended with any circumstances worth relating. One morning early, threeor four days after my arrival, I set out from a cottage where I hadslept, within six miles of the foot of the mountain, determined toexplore the internal parts, if I perished in the attempt. After threehours' hard labour I found myself at the top; it was then, and had beenfor upwards of three weeks, raging: its appearance in this state hasbeen so frequently noticed by different travellers, that I will nottire you with descriptions of objects you are already acquainted with. Iwalked round the edge of the crater, which appeared to be fifty timesat least as capacious as the Devil's Punch-Bowl near Petersfield, onthe Portsmouth Road, but not so broad at the bottom, as in that partit resembles the contracted part of a funnel more than a punch-bowl. Atlast, having made up my mind, in I sprang feet foremost; I soon foundmyself in a warm berth, and my body bruised and burnt in various partsby the red-hot cinders, which, by their violent ascent, opposed mydescent: however, my weight soon brought me to the bottom, where I foundmyself in the midst of noise and clamour, mixed with the most horridimprecations; after recovering my senses, and feeling a reduction of mypain, I began to look about me. Guess, gentlemen, my astonishment, whenI found myself in the company of Vulcan and his Cyclops, who had beenquarrelling, for the three weeks before mentioned, about the observationof good order and due subordination, and which had occasioned suchalarms for that space of time in the world above. However, my arrivalrestored peace to the whole society, and Vulcan himself did me thehonour of applying plasters to my wounds, which healed them immediately;he also placed refreshments before me, particularly nectar, and otherrich wines, such as the gods and goddesses only aspire to. After thisrepast was over Vulcan ordered Venus to show me every indulgence whichmy situation required. To describe the apartment, and the couch on whichI reposed, is totally impossible, therefore I will not attempt it; letit suffice to say, it exceeds the power of language to do it justice, orspeak of that kind-hearted goddess in any terms equal to her merit. 

Vulcan gave me a very concise account of Mount Etna: he said it wasnothing more than an accumulation of ashes thrown from his forge;that he was frequently obliged to chastise his people, at whom, in hispassion, he made it a practice to throw red-hot coals at home, whichthey often parried with great dexterity, and then threw them up intothe world to place them out of his reach, for they never attempted toassault him in return by throwing them back again. "Our quarrels, " addedhe, "last sometimes three or four months, and these appearances of coalsor cinders in the world are what I find you mortals call eruptions. "Mount Vesuvius, he assured me, was another of his shops, to which hehad a passage three hundred and fifty leagues under the bed of thesea, where similar quarrels produced similar eruptions. I should havecontinued here as an humble attendant upon Madam Venus, but some busytattlers, who delight in mischief, whispered a tale in Vulcan's ear, which roused in him a fit of jealousy not to be appeased. Without theleast previous notice he took me one morning under his arm, as I waswaiting upon Venus, agreeable to custom, and carried me to an apartmentI had never before seen, in which there was, to all appearance, _a well_with a wide mouth: over this he held me at arm's length, and saying, "_Ungrateful mortal, return to the world from whence you came_, " withoutgiving me the least opportunity of reply, dropped me in the centre. Ifound myself descending with an increasing rapidity, till the horror ofmy mind deprived me of all reflection. I suppose I fell into a trance, from which I was suddenly aroused by plunging into a large body of waterilluminated by the rays of the sun!!

I could, from my infancy, swim well, and play tricks in the water. Inow found myself in paradise, considering the horrors of mind I had justbeen released from. After looking about me some time, I could discovernothing but an expanse of sea, extending beyond the eye in everydirection; I also found it very cold, a different climate from MasterVulcan's shop. At last I observed at some distance a body of amazingmagnitude, like a huge rock, approaching me; I soon discovered it to bea piece of floating ice; I swam round it till I found a place where Icould ascend to the top, which I did, but not without some difficulty. Still I was out of sight of land, and despair returned with doubleforce; however, before night came on I saw a sail, which we approachedvery fast; when it was within a very small distance I hailed them inGerman; they answered in Dutch. I then flung myself into the sea, andthey threw out a rope, by which I was taken on board. I now inquiredwhere we were, and was informed, in the great Southern Ocean; thisopened a discovery which removed all my doubts and difficulties. It wasnow evident that I had passed from Mount Etna through the centre of theearth to the South Seas: this, gentlemen, was a much shorter cut thangoing round the world, and which no man has accomplished, or everattempted, but myself; however, the next time I perform it I will bemuch more particular in my observations. 

I took some refreshment, and went to rest. The Dutch are a very rudesort of people; I related the Etna passage to the officers, exactly as Ihave done to you, and some of them, particularly the Captain, seemed byhis grimace and half-sentence to doubt my veracity; however, as he hadkindly taken me on board his vessel, and was then in the very act ofadministering to my necessities, I pocketed the affront. 

I now in my turn began to inquire where they were bound? To which theyanswered, they were in search of new discoveries; "_and if_, " said they, "_your story is true, a new passage is really discovered, and we shallnot return disappointed_. " We were now exactly in Captain Cook's firsttrack, and arrived the next morning in Botany Bay. This place I would byno means recommend to the English government as a receptacle for felons, or place of punishment; it should rather be the reward of merit, naturehaving most bountifully bestowed her best gifts upon it. 

We stayed here but three days; the fourth after our departure a mostdreadful storm arose, which in a few hours destroyed all our sails, splintered our bowsprit, and brought down our topmast; it fell directlyupon the box that enclosed our compass, which, with the compass, wasbroken to pieces. Every one who has been at sea knows the consequencesof such a misfortune: we now were at a loss where to steer. At lengththe storm abated, which was followed by a steady, brisk gale, thatcarried us at least forty knots an hour for six months! [we shouldsuppose the Baron has made a little mistake, and substituted _months_for _days_] when we began to observe an amazing change in everythingabout us: our spirits became light, our noses were regaled with the mostaromatic effluvia imaginable: the sea had also changed its complexion, and from green became white!! Soon after these wonderful alterationswe saw land, and not at any great distance an inlet, which we sailed upnear sixty leagues, and found it wide and deep, flowing with milk of themost delicious taste. Here we landed, and soon found it was an islandconsisting of one large cheese: we discovered this by one of the companyfainting away as soon as we landed: this man always had an aversion tocheese; when he recovered, he desired the cheese to be taken from underhis feet: upon examination we found him perfectly right, for thewhole island, as before observed, was nothing but a cheese of immensemagnitude! Upon this the inhabitants, who are amazingly numerous, principally sustain themselves, and it grows every night in proportionas it is consumed in the day. Here seemed to be plenty of vines, withbunches of large grapes, which, upon being pressed, yielded nothing butmilk. We saw the inhabitants running races upon the surface of the milk:they were upright, comely figures, nine feet high, have three legs, and but one arm; upon the whole, their form was graceful, and when theyquarrel, they exercise a straight horn, which grows in adults from thecentre of their foreheads, with great adroitness; they did not sink atall, but ran and walked upon the surface of the milk, as we do upon abowling-green. 

Upon this island of cheese grows great plenty of corn, the ears of whichproduce loaves of bread, ready made, of a round form like mushrooms. Wediscovered, in our rambles over this cheese, seventeen other rivers ofmilk, and ten of wine. 

After thirty-eight days' journey we arrived on the opposite side to thaton which we landed: here we found some blue mould, as cheese-eaterscall it, from whence spring all kinds of rich fruit; instead ofbreeding mites it produced peaches, nectarines, apricots, and a thousanddelicious fruits which we are not acquainted with. In these trees, whichare of an amazing size, were plenty of birds' nests; amongst otherswas a king-fisher's of prodigious magnitude; it was at least twicethe circumference of the dome of St. Paul's Church in London. Uponinspection, this nest was made of huge trees curiously joined together;there were, let me see (_for I make it a rule always to speak withincompass_), there were upwards of five hundred eggs in the nest, and eachof them was as large as four common hogsheads, or eight barrels, andwe could not only see, but hear the young ones chirping within. Having, with great fatigue, cut open one of these eggs, we let out a young oneunfeathered, considerably larger than twenty full-grown vultures. Justas we had given this youngster his liberty the old kingfisher lighted, and seizing our captain, who had been active in breaking the egg, inone of her claws, flew with him above a mile high, and then let him dropinto the sea, but not till she had beaten all his teeth out of his mouthwith her wings. 

Dutchmen generally swim well: he soon joined us, and we retreated to ourship. On our return we took a different route, and observed many strangeobjects. We shot two wild oxen, each with one horn, also like theinhabitants, except that it sprouted from between the eyes of theseanimals; we were afterwards concerned at having destroyed them, as wefound, by inquiry, they tamed these creatures, and used them as we dohorses, to ride upon and draw their carriages; their flesh, we wereinformed, is excellent, but useless where people live upon cheeseand milk. When we had reached within two days' journey of the ship weobserved three men hanging to a tall tree by their heels; upon inquiringthe cause of their punishment, I found they had all been travellers, andupon their return home had deceived their friends by describing placesthey never saw, and relating things that never happened: this gave me noconcern, _as I have ever confined myself to facts_. 

As soon as we arrived at the ship we unmoored, and set sail from thisextraordinary country, when, to our astonishment, all the trees uponshore, of which there were a great number very tall and large, paidtheir respects to us twice, bowing to exact time, and immediatelyrecovered their former posture, which was quite erect. 

By what we could learn of this CHEESE, it was considerably larger thanthe continent of all Europe!

After sailing three months we knew not where, being still withoutcompass, we arrived in a sea which appeared to be almost black: upontasting it we found it most excellent wine, and had great difficulty tokeep the sailors from getting drunk with it: however, in a few hourswe found ourselves surrounded by whales and other animals of an immensemagnitude, one of which appeared to be too large for the eye to form ajudgment of: we did not see him till we were close to him. This monsterdrew our ship, with all her masts standing, and sails bent, by suctioninto his mouth, between his teeth, which were much larger and tallerthan the mast of a first-rate man-of-war. After we had been in hismouth some time he opened it pretty wide, took in an immense quantity ofwater, and floated our vessel, which was at least 500 tons burthen, intohis stomach; here we lay as quiet as at anchor in a dead calm. Theair, to be sure, was rather warm, and very offensive. We found anchors, cables, boats, and barges in abundance, and a considerable number ofships, some laden and some not, which this creature had swallowed. Everything was transacted by torch-light; no sun, no moon, no planet, tomake observations from. We were all generally afloat and aground twicea-day; whenever he drank, it became high water with us; and when heevacuated, we found ourselves aground; upon a moderate computation, hetook in more water at a single draught than is generally to be found inthe Lake of Geneva, though that is above thirty miles in circumference. On the second day of our confinement in these regions of darkness, Iventured at low water, as we called it when the ship was aground, toramble with the Captain, and a few of the other officers, with lights inour hands; we met with people of all nations, to the amount of upwardsof ten thousand; they were going to hold a council how to recover theirliberty; some of them having lived in this animal's stomach severalyears; there were several children here who had never seen the world, their mothers having lain in repeatedly in this warm situation. Just asthe chairman was going to inform us of the business upon which wewere assembled, this plaguy fish, becoming thirsty, drank in his usualmanner; the water poured in with such impetuosity, that we were allobliged to retreat to our respective ships immediately, or run the riskof being drowned; some were obliged to swim for it, and with difficultysaved their lives. In a few hours after we were more fortunate, we metagain just after the monster had evacuated. I was chosen chairman, andthe first thing I did was to propose splicing two main-masts together, and the next time he opened his mouth to be ready to wedge them in, soas to prevent his shutting it. It was unanimously approved. One hundredstout men were chosen upon this service. We had scarcely got our mastsproperly prepared when an opportunity offered; the monster opened hismouth, immediately the top of the mast was placed against the roof, andthe other end pierced his tongue, which effectually prevented him fromshutting his mouth. As soon as everything in his stomach was afloat, we manned a few boats, who rowed themselves and us into the world. Thedaylight, after, as near as we could judge, three months' confinement intotal darkness, cheered our spirits surprisingly. When we had alltaken our leave of this capacious animal, we mustered just a fleetof ninety-five ships, of all nations, who had been in this confinedsituation. 

We left the two masts in his mouth, to prevent others being confinedin the same horrid gulf of darkness and filth. Our first object was tolearn what part of the world we were in; this we were for some time ata loss to ascertain: at last I found, from former observations, that wewere in the Caspian Sea! which washes part of the country of the CalmuckTartars. How we came here is was impossible to conceive, as this sea hasno communication with any other. One of the inhabitants of the CheeseIsland, whom I had brought with me, accounted for it thus:--that themonster in whose stomach we had been so long confined had carried ushere through some subterraneous passage; however, we pushed to shore, and I was the first who landed. Just as I put my foot upon the ground alarge bear leaped upon me with its fore-paws; I caught one in eachhand, and squeezed him till he cried out most lustily; however, inthis position I held him till I starved him to death. You may laugh, gentlemen, but this was soon accomplished, as I prevented him lickinghis paws. From hence I travelled up to St. Petersburg a second time:here an old friend gave me a most excellent pointer, descended from thefamous bitch before-mentioned, that littered while she was hunting ahare. I had the misfortune to have him shot soon after by a blunderingsportsman, who fired at him instead of a covey of partridges which hehad just set. Of this creature's skin I have had this waistcoat made(showing his waistcoat), which always leads me involuntarily to game ifI walk in the fields in the proper season, and when I come within shot, _one of the buttons constantly flies off, and lodges upon the spot wherethe sport is_; and as the birds rise, being always primed and cocked, Inever miss them. Here are now but three buttons left. I shall have a newset sewed on against the shooting season commences. 

When a covey of partridges is disturbed in this manner, by the buttonfalling amongst them, they always rise from the ground in a direct linebefore each other. I one day, by forgetting to take my ramrod out of mygun, shot it straight through a leash, as regularly as if the cook hadspitted them. I had forgot to put in any shot, and the rod had been madeso hot with the powder, that the birds were completely roasted by thetime I reached home. 

Since my arrival in England I have accomplished what I had very much atheart, viz. , providing for the inhabitant of the Cheese Island, whomI had brought with me. My old friend, Sir William Chambers, who isentirely indebted to me for all his ideas of Chinese gardening, bya description of which he has gained such high reputation; I say, gentlemen, in a discourse which I had with this gentlemen, he seemedmuch distressed for a contrivance to light the lamps at the newbuildings, Somerset House; the common mode with ladders, he observed, was both dirty and inconvenient. My native of the Cheese Island poppedinto my head; he was only nine feet high when I first brought him fromhis own country, but was now increased to ten and a half: I introducedhim to Sir William, and he is appointed to that honourable office. Heis also to carry, under a large cloak, a utensil in each coat pocket, instead of those four which Sir William has _very properly_ fixed forprivate purposes in so conspicuous a situation, the great quadrangle. 

He has also obtained from Mr. PITT the situation of messenger to hisMajesty's lords of the bed-chamber, whose principal employment will_now_ be, divulging the secrets of the Royal household to their _worthy_Patron. 

SUPPLEMENT

_Extraordinary flight on the back of an eagle, over France to Gibraltar, South and North America, the Polar Regions, and back to England, withinsix-and-thirty hours. _

About the beginning of his present Majesty's reign I had some businesswith a distant relation who then lived on the Isle of Thanet; it was afamily dispute, and not likely to be finished soon. I made it a practiceduring my residence there, the weather being fine, to walk out everymorning. After a few of these excursions I observed an object upon agreat eminence about three miles distant: I extended my walk to it, andfound the ruins of an ancient temple: I approached it with admirationand astonishment; the traces of grandeur and magnificence which yetremained were evident proofs of its former splendour: here I could nothelp lamenting the ravages and devastations of time, of which that oncenoble structure exhibited such a melancholy proof. I walked round itseveral times, meditating on the fleeting and transitory nature ofall terrestrial things; on the eastern end were the remains of a loftytower, near forty feet high, overgrown with ivy, the top apparentlyflat; I surveyed it on every side very minutely, thinking that if Icould gain its summit I should enjoy the most delightful prospect of thecircumjacent country. Animated with this hope, I resolved, if possible, to gain the summit, which I at length effected by means of the ivy, though not without great difficulty and danger; the top I found coveredwith this evergreen, except a large chasm in the middle. After I hadsurveyed with pleasing wonder the beauties of art and nature thatconspired to enrich the scene, curiosity prompted me to sound theopening in the middle, in order to ascertain its depth, as I entertaineda suspicion that it might probably communicate with some unexploredsubterranean cavern in the hill; but having no line I was at a loss howto proceed. After revolving the matter in my thoughts for some time, Iresolved to drop a stone down and listen to the echo: having found onethat answered my purpose I placed myself over the hole, with one foot oneach side, and stooping down to listen, I dropped the stone, which I hadno sooner done than I heard a rustling below, and suddenly a monstrouseagle put up its head right opposite my face, and rising up withirresistible force, carried me away seated on its shoulders: I instantlygrasped it round the neck, which was large enough to fill my arms, and its wings, when extended, were ten yards from one extremity to theother. As it rose with a regular ascent, my seat was perfectly easy, and I enjoyed the prospect below with inexpressible pleasure. It hoveredover Margate for some time, was seen by several people, and many shotswere fired at it; one ball hit the heel of my shoe, but did me noinjury. It then directed its course to Dover cliff, where it alighted, and I thought of dismounting, but was prevented by a sudden discharge ofmusketry from a party of marines that were exercising on the beach; theballs flew about my head, and rattled on the feathers of the eagle likehail-stones, yet I could not perceive it had received any injury. Itinstantly reascended and flew over the sea towards Calais, but so veryhigh that the Channel seemed to be no broader than the Thames at LondonBridge. In a quarter of an hour I found myself over a thick wood inFrance, where the eagle descended very rapidly, which caused me to slipdown to the back part of its head; but alighting on a large tree, andraising its head, I recovered my seat as before, but saw no possibilityof disengaging myself without the danger of being killed by the fall;so I determined to sit fast, thinking it would carry me to the Alps, or some other high mountain, where I could dismount without any danger. After resting a few minutes it took wing, flew several times round thewood, and screamed loud enough to be heard across the English Channel. In a few minutes one of the same species arose out of the wood, and flewdirectly towards us; it surveyed me with evident marks of displeasure, and came very near me. After flying several times round, they bothdirected their course to the south-west. I soon observed that the one Irode upon could not keep pace with the other, but inclined towards theearth, on account of my weight; its companion perceiving this, turnedround and placed itself in such a position that the other could rest itshead on its rump; in this manner they proceeded till noon, when Isaw the rock of Gibraltar very distinctly. The day being clear, notwithstanding my degree of elevation, the earth's surface appearedjust like a map, where land, sea, lakes, rivers, mountains, and the likewere perfectly distinguishable; and having some knowledge of geography, I was at no loss to determine what part of the globe I was in. 

Whilst I was contemplating this wonderful prospect a dreadful howlingsuddenly began all around me, and in a moment I was invested bythousands of small, black, deformed, frightful looking creatures, whopressed me on all sides in such a manner that I could neither move handor foot: but I had not been in their possession more than ten minuteswhen I heard the most delightful music that can possibly be imagined, which was suddenly changed into a noise the most awful and tremendous, to which the report of cannon, or the loudest claps of thunder couldbear no more proportion than the gentle zephyrs of the evening to themost dreadful hurricane; but the shortness of its duration prevented allthose fatal effects which a prolongation of it would certainly have beenattended with. 

The music commenced, and I saw a great number of the most beautifullittle creatures seize the other party, and throw them with greatviolence into something like a snuff-box, which they shut down, and onethrew it away with incredible velocity; then turning to me, he said theywhom he had secured were a party of devils, who had wandered from theirproper habitation; and that the vehicle in which they were enclosedwould fly with unabating rapidity for ten thousand years, when it wouldburst of its own accord, and the devils would recover their libertyand faculties, as at the present moment. He had no sooner finished thisrelation than the music ceased, and they all disappeared, leaving me ina state of mind bordering on the confines of despair. 

When I had recomposed myself a little, and looking before me withinexpressible pleasure, I observed that the eagles were preparing tolight on the peak of Teneriffe: they descended on the top of the rock, but seeing no possible means of escape if I dismounted determined meto remain where I was. The eagles sat down seemingly fatigued, when theheat of the sun soon caused them both to fall asleep, nor did I longresist its fascinating power. In the cool of the evening, when the sunhad retired below the horizon, I was roused from sleep by the eaglemoving under me; and having stretched myself along its back, I sat up, and reassumed my travelling position, when they both took wing, andhaving placed themselves as before, directed their course to SouthAmerica. The moon shining bright during the whole night, I had a fineview of all the islands in those seas. 

About the break of day we reached the great continent of America, that part called Terra Firma, and descended on the top of a very highmountain. At this time the moon, far distant in the west, and obscuredby dark clouds, but just afforded light sufficient for me to discovera kind of shrubbery all around, bearing fruit something like cabbages, which the eagles began to feed on very eagerly. I endeavoured todiscover my situation, but fogs and passing clouds involved me in thethickest darkness, and what rendered the scene still more shocking wasthe tremendous howling of wild beasts, some of which appeared to be verynear: however, I determined to keep my seat, imagining that the eaglewould carry me away if any of them should make a hostile attempt. Whendaylight began to appear, I thought of examining the fruit which I hadseen the eagles eat, and as some was hanging which I could easily comeat, I took out my knife and cut a slice; but how great was my surpriseto see that it had all the appearance of roast beef regularly mixed, both fat and lean! I tasted it, and found it well flavoured anddelicious, then cut several large slices and put in my pocket, where Ifound a crust of bread which I had brought from Margate; took it out, and found three musket-balls that had been lodged in it on Dover cliff. I extracted them, and cutting a few slices more, made a hearty meal ofbread and cold beef fruit. I then cut down two of the largest that grewnear me, and tying them together with one of my garters, hung them overthe eagle's neck for another occasion, filling my pockets at the sametime. While I was settling these affairs I observed a large fruit likean inflated bladder, which I wished to try an experiment upon: andstriking my knife into one of them, a fine pure liquor like Hollandsgin rushed out, which the eagles observing, eagerly drank up from theground. I cut down the bladder as fast as I could, and saved about halfa pint in the bottom of it, which I tasted, and could not distinguishit from the best mountain wine. I drank it all, and found myself greatlyrefreshed. By this time the eagles began to stagger against the shrubs. I endeavoured to keep my seat, but was soon thrown to some distanceamong the bushes. In attempting to rise I put my hand upon a largehedgehog, which happened to lie among the grass upon its back: itinstantly closed round my hand, so that I found it impossible to shakeit off. I struck it several times against the ground without effect; butwhile I was thus employed I heard a rustling among the shrubbery, andlooking up, I saw a huge animal within three yards of me; I could makeno defence, but held out both my hands, when it rushed upon me, and seized that on which the hedgehog was fixed. My hand being soonrelieved, I ran to some distance, where I saw the creature suddenly dropdown and expire with the hedgehog in its throat. When the danger waspast I went to view the eagles, and found them lying on the grass fastasleep, being intoxicated with the liquor they had drank. Indeed, Ifound myself considerably elevated by it, and seeing everything quiet, I began to search for some more, which I soon found; and having cut downtwo large bladders, about a gallon each, I tied them together, and hungthem over the neck of the other eagle, and the two smaller ones Itied with a cord round my own waist. Having secured a good stock ofprovisions, and perceiving the eagles begin to recover, I again took myseat. In half an hour they arose majestically from the place, withouttaking the least notice of their incumbrance. Each reassumed its formerstation; and directing their course to the northward, they crossed theGulf of Mexico, entered North America, and steered directly for thePolar regions, which gave me the finest opportunity of viewing this vastcontinent that can possibly be imagined. 

Before we entered the frigid zone the cold began to affect me; butpiercing one of my bladders, I took a draught, and found that it couldmake no impression on me afterwards. Passing over Hudson's Bay, I sawseveral of the Company's ships lying at anchor, and many tribes ofIndians marching with their furs to market. 

By this time I was so reconciled to my seat, and become such an expertrider, that I could sit up and look around me; but in general I layalong the eagle's neck, grasping it in my arms, with my hands immersedin its feathers, in order to keep them warm. 

In those cold climates I observed that the eagles flew with greaterrapidity, in order, I suppose, to keep their blood in circulation. Inpassing Baffin's Bay I saw several large Greenlandmen to the eastward, and many surprising mountains of ice in those seas. 

While I was surveying these wonders of nature it occurred to me thatthis was a good opportunity to discover the north-west passage, ifany such thing existed, and not only obtain the reward offered bygovernment, but the honour of a discovery pregnant with so manyadvantages to every European nation. But while my thoughts were absorbedin this pleasing reverie I was alarmed by the first eagle striking itshead against a solid transparent substance, and in a moment that which Irode experienced the same fate, and both fell down seemingly dead. 

Here our lives must inevitably have terminated, had not a sense ofdanger, and the singularity of my situation, inspired me with adegree of skill and dexterity which enabled us to fall near two milesperpendicular with as little inconveniency as if we had been let downwith a rope: for no sooner did I perceive the eagles strike againsta frozen cloud, which is very common near the poles, than (they beingclose together) I laid myself along the back of the foremost, and tookhold of its wings to keep them extended, at the same time stretching outmy legs behind to support the wings of the other. This had the desiredeffect, and we descended very safe on a mountain of ice, which Isupposed to be about three miles above the level of the sea. 

I dismounted, unloaded the eagles, opened one of the bladders, and administered some of the liquor to each of them, without onceconsidering that the horrors of destruction seemed to have conspiredagainst me. The roaring of waves, crashing of ice, and the howling ofbears, conspired to form a scene the most awful and tremendous: butnotwithstanding this, my concern for the recovery of the eagles wasso great, that I was insensible of the danger to which I was exposed. Having rendered them every assistance in my power, I stood over them inpainful anxiety, fully sensible that it was only by means of them that Icould possibly be delivered from these abodes of despair. 

But suddenly a monstrous bear began to roar behind me, with a voice likethunder. I turned round, and seeing the creature just ready to devourme, having the bladder of liquor in my hands, through fear I squeezed itso hard, that it burst, and the liquor flying in the eyes of the animal, totally deprived it of sight. It instantly turned from me, ran away ina state of distraction, and soon fell over a precipice of ice into thesea, where I saw it no more. 

The danger being over, I again turned my attention to the eagles, whom Ifound in a fair way of recovery, and suspecting that they were faintfor want of victuals, I took one of the beef fruit, cut it into smallslices, and presented them with it, which they devoured with avidity. 

Having given them plenty to eat and drink, and disposed of the remainderof my provision, I took possession of my seat as before. After composingmyself, and adjusting everything in the best manner, I began to eat anddrink very heartily; and through the effects of the mountain wine, as Icalled it, was very cheerful, and began to sing a few verses of a songwhich I had learned when I was a boy: but the noise soon alarmed theeagles, who had been asleep, through the quantity of liquor which theyhad drank, and they rose seemingly much terrified. Happily for me, however, when I was feeding them I had accidentally turned their headstowards the south-east, which course they pursued with a rapidmotion. In a few hours I saw the Western Isles, and soon after had theinexpressible pleasure of seeing Old England. I took no notice of theseas or islands over which I passed. 

The eagles descended gradually as they drew near the shore, intending, as I supposed, to alight on one of the Welsh mountains; but when theycame to the distance of about sixty yards two guns were fired at them, loaded with balls, one of which took place in a bladder of liquor thathung to my waist; the other entered the breast of the foremost eagle, who fell to the ground, while that which I rode, having received noinjury, flew away with amazing swiftness. 

This circumstance alarmed me exceedingly, and I began to think it wasimpossible for me to escape with my life; but recovering a little, Ionce more looked down upon the earth, when, to my inexpressible joy, Isaw Margate at a little distance, and the eagle descending on the oldtower whence it had carried me on the morning of the day before. It nosooner came down than I threw myself off, happy to find that I was oncemore restored to the world. The eagle flew away in a few minutes, and Isat down to compose my fluttering spirits, which I did in a few hours. 

I soon paid a visit to my friends, and related these adventures. Amazement stood in every countenance; their congratulations on myreturning in safety were repeated with an unaffected degree of pleasure, and we passed the evening as we are doing now, every person presentpaying the highest compliments to my COURAGE and VERACITY. 

THE SECOND VOLUME

PREFACE

TO THE SECOND VOLUME

Baron Munchausen has certainly been productive of much benefit to theliterary world; the numbers of egregious travellers have been such, that they demanded a very Gulliver to surpass them. If Baron de Tottdauntlessly discharged an enormous piece of artillery, the BaronMunchausen has done more; he has taken it and swam with it across thesea. When travellers are solicitous to be the heroes of their own story, surely they must admit to superiority, and blush at seeing themselvesout-done by the renowned Munchausen: I doubt whether any one hitherto, Pantagruel, Gargantua, Captain Lemuel, or De Tott, has been able toout-do our Baron in this species of excellence: and as at present ourcuriosity seems much directed to the interior of Africa, it must beedifying to have the real relation of Munchausen's adventures therebefore any further intelligence arrives; for he seems to adapt himselfand his exploits to the spirit of the times, and recounts what he thinksshould be most interesting to his auditors. 

I do not say that the Baron, in the following stories, means a satire onany political matters whatever. No; but if the reader understands themso, I cannot help it. 

If the Baron meets with a parcel of negro ships carrying whites intoslavery to work upon their plantations in a cold climate, should wetherefore imagine that he intends a reflection on the present traffic inhuman flesh? And that, if the negroes should do so, it would be simplejustice, as retaliation is the law of God! If we were to think this areflection on any present commercial or political matter, we shouldbe tempted to imagine, perhaps, some political ideas conveyed in everypage, in every sentence of the whole. Whether such things are or are notthe intentions of the Baron the reader must judge. 

We have had not only wonderful travellers in this vile world, butsplenetic travellers, and of these not a few, and also conspicuousenough. It is a pity, therefore, that the Baron has not endeavoured tosurpass them also in this species of story-telling. Who is it can readthe travels of Smellfungus, as Sterne calls him, without admiration?To think that a person from the North of Scotland should travel throughsome of the finest countries in Europe, and find fault with everythinghe meets--nothing to please him! And therefore, methinks, the Tour tothe Hebrides is more excusable, and also perhaps Mr. Twiss's Tour inIreland. Dr. Johnson, bred in the luxuriance of London, with more reasonshould become cross and splenetic in the bleak and dreary regions of theHebrides. 

The Baron, in the following work, seems to be sometimes philosophical;his account of the language of the interior of Africa, and its analogywith that of the inhabitants of the moon, show him to be profoundlyversed in the etymological antiquities of nations, and throw new lightupon the abstruse history of the ancient Scythians, and the Collectanea. 

His endeavour to abolish the custom of eating live flesh in the interiorof Africa, as described in Bruce's Travels, is truly humane. But far beit from me to suppose, that by Gog and Magog and the Lord Mayor's showhe means a satire upon any person or body of persons whatever: or, bya tedious litigated trial of blind judges and dumb matrons followinga wild goose chase all round the world, he should glance at any trialwhatever. 

Nevertheless, I must allow that it was extremely presumptuous inMunchausen to tell half the sovereigns of the world that they werewrong, and advise them what they ought to do; and that instead ofordering millions of their subjects to massacre one another, it would bemore to their interest to employ their forces in concert for the generalgood; as if he knew better than the Empress of Russia, the Grand Vizier, Prince Potemkin, or any other butcher in the world. But that he shouldbe a royal Aristocrat, and take the part of the injured Queen of Francein the present political drama, I am not at all surprised; but I supposehis mind was fired by reading the pamphlet written by Mr. Burke. 

CHAPTER XXI

_The Baron insists on the veracity of his former Memoirs--Forms a designof making discoveries in the interior parts of Africa--Hisdiscourse with Hilaro Frosticos about it--His conversation with LadyFragrantia--The Baron goes, with other persons of distinction, to Court;relates an anecdote of the Marquis de Bellecourt. _

All that I have related before, said the Baron, is gospel; and if therebe any one so hardy as to deny it, I am ready to fight him with anyweapon he pleases. Yes, cried he, in a more elevated tone, as he startedfrom his seat, I will condemn him to swallow this decanter, glass andall perhaps, and filled with kerren-wasser [a kind of ardent spiritdistilled from cherries, and much used in some parts of Germany]. Therefore, my dear friends and companions, have confidence in what Isay, and pay honour to the tales of Munchausen. A traveller has a rightto relate and embellish his adventures as he pleases, and it is veryunpolite to refuse that deference and applause they deserve. 

Having passed some time in England since the completion of my formermemoirs, I at length began to revolve in my mind what a prodigious fieldof discovery must be in the interior part of Africa. I could not sleepwith the thoughts of it; I therefore determined to gain every properassistance from Government to penetrate the celebrated source of theNile, and assume the viceroyship of the interior kingdoms of Africa, or, at least, the great realm of Monomotapa. It was happy for me that I hadone most powerful friend at court, whom I shall call the illustriousHilaro Frosticos. You perchance know him not by that name; but we hada language among ourselves, as well we may, for in the course of myperegrinations I have acquired precisely nine hundred and ninety-nineleash of languages. What! gentlemen, do you stare? Well, I allow thereare not so many languages spoken in this vile world; but then, have Inot been in the moon? and trust me, whenever I write a treatise uponeducation, I shall delineate methods of inculcating whole dozens oflanguages at once, French, Spanish, Greek, Hebrew, Cherokee, &c. , insuch a style as will shame all the pedagogues existing. 

Having passed a whole night without being able to sleep for the vividimagination of African discoveries, I hastened to the levee of myillustrious friend Hilaro Frosticos, and having mentioned my intentionwith all the vigour of fancy, he gravely considered my words, andafter some awful meditations thus he spoke: _Olough, ma genesat, istum fullanah, cum dera kargos belgarasah eseum balgo bartigostriangulissimus!_ However, added he, it behoveth thee to consider andponder well upon the perils and the multitudinous dangers in the way ofthat wight who thus advanceth in all the perambulation of adventures:and verily, most valiant sire and Baron, I hope thou wilt demean thyselfwith all that laudable gravity and precaution which, as is related inthe three hundred and forty-seventh chapter of the Prophilactics, is ofmore consideration than all the merit in this terraqueous globe. Yes, most truly do I advise thee unto thy good, and speak unto thee, mostvaliant Munchausen, with the greatest esteem, and wish thee to succeedin thy voyage; for it is said, that in the interior realms of Africathere are tribes that can see but just three inches and a half beyondthe extremity of their noses; and verily thou shouldest moderatethyself, even sure and slow; they stumble who walk fast. But we shallbring you unto the Lady Fragrantia, and have her opinion of the matter. He then took from his pocket a cap of dignity, such as described inthe most honourable and antique heraldry, and placing it upon my head, addressed me thus:--"As thou seemest again to revive the spirit ofancient adventure, permit me to place upon thy head this favour, as amark of the esteem in which I hold thy valorous disposition. "

The Lady Fragrantia, my dear friends, was one of the most divinecreatures in all Great Britain, and was desperately in love with me. Shewas drawing my portrait upon a piece of white satin, when the most nobleHilaro Frosticos advanced. He pointed to the cap of dignity which he hadplaced upon my head. "I do declare, Hilaro, " said the lovely Fragrantia, "'tis pretty, 'tis interesting; I love you, and I like you, my dearBaron, " said she, putting on another plume: "this gives it an air moredelicate and more fantastical. I do thus, my dear Munchausen, as yourfriend, yet you can reject or accept my present just as you please; butI like the fancy, 'tis a good one, and I mean to improve it: and againstwhatever enemies you go, I shall have the sweet satisfaction to rememberyou bear my favour on your head!"

I snatched it with trepidation, and gracefully dropping on my knees, Ithree times kissed it with all the rapture of romantic love. "I swear, "cried I, "by thy bright eyes, and by the lovely whiteness of thinearm, that no savage, tyrant, or enemy upon the face of the earthshall despoil me of this favour, while one drop of the blood of theMunchausens doth circulate in my veins! I will bear it triumphantthrough the realms of Africa, whither I now intend my course, and makeit respected, even in the court of Prester John. "

"I admire your spirit, " replied she, "and shall use my utmost interestat court to have you despatched with every pomp, and as soon aspossible; but here comes a most brilliant company indeed, Lady CarolinaWilhelmina Amelia Skeggs, Lord Spigot, and Lady Faucet, and the Countessof Belleair. "

After the ceremonies of introduction to this company were over, weproceeded to consult upon the business; and as the cause met withgeneral applause, it was immediately determined that I should proceedwithout delay, as soon as I obtained the sovereign approbation. "I amconvinced, " said Lord Spigot, "that if there be any thing really unknownand worthy of our most ardent curiosity, it must be in the immenseregions of Africa; that country, which seems to be the oldest on theglobe, and yet with the greater part of which we are almost utterlyunacquainted; what prodigious wealth of gold and diamonds must not lieconcealed in those torrid regions, when the very rivers on the coastpour forth continual specimens of golden sand! 'Tis my opinion, therefore, that the Baron deserves the applause of all Europe for hisspirit, and merits the most powerful assistance of the sovereign. "

So flattering an approbation, you may be sure, was delightful to myheart, and with every confidence and joy I suffered them to take me tocourt that instant. After the usual ceremonies of introduction, sufficeit to say that I met with every honour and applause that my mostsanguine expectations could demand. I had always a taste for thefashionable _je ne sais quoi_ of the most elegant society, and in thepresence of all the sovereigns of Europe I ever found myself quite athome, and experienced from the whole court the most flattering esteemand admiration. I remember, one particular day, the fate of theunfortunate Marquis de Bellecourt. The Countess of Rassinda, whoaccompanied him, looked most divinely. "Yes, I am confident, " saidthe Marquis de Bellecourt to me, "that I have acted according to thestrictest sentiments of justice and of loyalty to my sovereign. Whatstronger breast-plate than a heart untainted? and though I did notreceive a word nor a look, yet I cannot think--no, it were impossibleto be misrepresented. Conscious of my own integrity, I will try again--Iwill go boldly up. " The Marquis de Bellecourt saw the opportunity; headvanced three paces, put his hand upon his breast and bowed. "Permitme, " said he, "with the most profound respect, to----. " His tonguefaltered--he could scarcely believe his sight, for at that moment thewhole company were moving out of the room. He found himself almostalone, deserted by every one. "What!" said he, "and did he turn upon hisheel with the most marked contempt? Would he not speak to me? Wouldhe not even hear me utter a word in my defence?" His heart died withinhim--not even a look, a smile from any one. "My friends! Do they notknow me? Do they not see me? Alas! they fear to catch the contagion ofmy----. Then, " said he, "adieu!--'tis more than I can bear. I shall goto my country seat, and never, never will return. Adieu, fond court, adieu!--"

The venerable Marquis de Bellecourt stopped for a moment ere he enteredhis carriage. Thrice he looked back, and thrice he wiped the startingtear from his eye. "Yes, " said he, "for once, at least, truth shall befound--in the bottom of a well!"

Peace to thy ghost, most noble marquis! a King of kings shall pity thee;and thousands who are yet unborn shall owe their happiness to thee, andhave cause to bless the thousands, perhaps, that shall never even knowthy name; but Munchausen's self shall celebrate thy glory!

CHAPTER XXII

_Preparations for the Baron's expedition into Africa--Description of hischariot; the beauties of its interior decorations; the animals that drewit, and the mechanism of the wheels. _

Everything being concluded, and having received my instructions for thevoyage, I was conducted by the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, the LadyFragrantia, and a prodigious crowd of nobility, and placed sitting uponthe summit of the whale's bones at the palace; and having remained inthis situation for three days and three nights, as a trial ordeal, anda specimen of my perseverance and resolution, the third hour aftermidnight they seated me in the chariot of Queen Mab. It was a prodigiousdimension, large enough to contain more stowage than the tun ofHeidelberg, and globular like a hazel-nut: in fact, it seemed to bereally a hazel-nut grown to a most extravagant dimension, and that agreat worm of proportionable enormity had bored a hole in the shell. Through this same entrance I was ushered. It was as large as acoach-door, and I took my seat in the centre, a kind of chairself-balanced without touching anything, like the fancied tomb ofMahomet. The whole interior surface of the nutshell appeared a luminousrepresentation of all the stars of heaven, the fixed stars, theplanets, and a comet. The stars were as large as those worn by our firstnobility, and the comet, excessively brilliant, seemed as if you hadassembled all the eyes of the beautiful girls in the kingdom, andcombined them, like a peacock's plumage, into the form of a comet--thatis, a globe, and a bearded tail to it, diminishing gradually to a point. This beautiful constellation seemed very sportive and delightful. Itwas much in the form of a tadpole! and, without ceasing, went, fullof playful giddiness, up and down, all over the heaven on the concavesurface of the nutshell. One time it would be at that part of theheavens under my feet, and in the next minute would be over my head. Itwas never at rest, but for ever going east, west, north, or south, andpaid no more respect to the different worlds than if they were so manylanterns without reflectors. Some of them he would dash against and pushout of their places; others he would burn up and consume to ashes: andothers again he would split into fritters, and their fragments wouldinstantly take a globular form, like spilled quicksilver, and becomesatellites to whatever other worlds they should happen to meet with intheir career. In short, the whole seemed an epitome of the creation, past, present, and future; and all that passes among the stars duringone thousand years was here generally performed in as many seconds. 

I surveyed all the beauties of the chariot with wonder and delight. "Certainly, " cried I, "this is heaven in miniature!" In short, I tookthe reins in my hand. But before I proceed on my adventures, I shallmention the rest of my attendant furniture. The chariot was drawn by ateam of nine bulls harnessed to it, three after three. In the first rankwas a most tremendous bull named John Mowmowsky; the rest were calledJacks in general, but not dignified by any particular denomination. Theywere all shod for the journey, not indeed like horses, with iron, oras bullocks commonly are, to drag on a cart; but were shod with men'sskulls. Each of their feet was, hoof and all, crammed into a man's head, cut off for the purpose, and fastened therein with a kind of cement orpaste, so that the skull seemed to be a part of the foot and hoof of theanimal. With these skull-shoes the creatures could perform astonishingjourneys, and slide upon the water, or upon the ocean, with greatvelocity. The harnesses were fastened with golden buckles, and deckedwith studs in a superb style, and the creatures were ridden by ninepostillions, crickets of a great size, as large as monkeys, who satsquat upon the heads of the bulls, and were continually chirping at amost infernal rate, loud in proportion to their bodies. 

The wheels of the chariot consisted of upwards of ten thousand springs, formed so as to give the greater impetuosity to the vehicle, and weremore complex than a dozen clocks like that of Strasburgh. The externalof the chariot was adorned with banners, and a superb festoon of laurelthat formerly shaded me on horseback. And now, having given you a veryconcise description of my machine for travelling into Africa, which youmust allow to be far superior to the apparatus of Monsieur Vaillant, Ishall proceed to relate the exploits of my voyage. 

CHAPTER XXIII

_The Baron proceeds on his voyage--Convoys a squadron to Gibraltar--Declines the acceptance of the island of Candia--His chariotdamaged by Pompey's Pillar and Cleopatra's Needle--The Baron out-doesAlexander--Breaks his chariot, and splits a great rock at the Cape ofGood Hope. _

Taking the reins in my hand, while the music gave a general salute, Icracked my whip, away they went, and in three hours I found myself justbetween the Isle of Wight and the main land of England. Here I remainedfour days, until I had received part of my accompaniment, which I wasordered to take under my convoy. 'Twas a squadron of men-of-war that hadbeen a long time prepared for the Baltic, but which were now destinedfor the Mediterranean. By the assistance of large hooks and eyes, exactly such as are worn in our hats, but of a greater size, somehundredweight each, the men-of-war hooked themselves on to the wheels ofthe vehicle: and, in fact, nothing could be more simple or convenient, because they could be hooked or unhooked in an instant with the utmostfacility. In short, having given a general discharge of their artillery, and three cheers, I cracked my whip, away we went, helter skelter, and in six jiffies I found myself and all my retinue safe and in goodspirits just at the rock of Gibraltar. Here I unhooked my squadron, andhaving taken an affectionate leave of the officers, I suffered them toproceed in their ordinary manner to the place of their destination. Thewhole garrison were highly delighted with the novelty of my vehicle;and at the pressing solicitations of the governor and officers I wentashore, and took a view of that barren old rock, about which more powderhas been fired away than would purchase twice as much fertile ground inany part of the world! Mounting my chariot, I took the reins, and againmade forward, in mad career, down the Mediterranean to the isle ofCandia. Here I received despatches from the Sublime Porte, entreating meto assist in the war against Russia, with a reward of the whole islandof Candia for my alliance. At first I hesitated, thinking that theisland of Candia would be a most valuable acquisition to the sovereignwho at that time employed me, and that the most delicious wines, sugar, &c. , in abundance would flourish on the island; yet, when I consideredthe trade of the East India Company, which would most probably sufferby the intercourse with Persia through the Mediterranean, I at oncerejected the proposal, and had afterwards the thanks of the Honourablethe House of Commons for my propriety and political discernment. 

Having been properly refreshed at Candia, I again proceeded, and in ashort time arrived in the land of Egypt. The land of this country, atleast that part of it near the sea, is very low, so that I came upon itere I was aware, and the Pillar of Pompey got entangled in the variouswheels of the machine, and damaged the whole considerably. Still I droveon through thick and thin, till, passing over that great obelisk, theNeedle of Cleopatra, the work got entangled again, and jolted at amiserable rate over the mud and swampy ground of all that country; yetmy poor bulls trotted on with astonishing labour across the Isthmus ofSuez into the Red Sea, and left a track, an obscure channel, which hassince been taken by De Tott for the remains of a canal cut by someof the Ptolemies from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean; but, as youperceive, was in reality no more than the track of my chariot, the carof Queen Mab. 

As the artists at present in that country are nothing wonderful, thoughthe ancient Egyptians, 'tis said, were most astonishing fellows, I couldnot procure any new coach-springs, or have a possibility of setting mymachine to rights in the kingdom of Egypt; and as I could not presumeto attempt another journey overland, and the great mountains of marblebeyond the source of the Nile, I thought it most eligible to make thebest way I could, by sea, to the Cape of Good Hope, where I supposedI should get some Dutch smiths and carpenters, or perhaps some Englishartists; and my vehicle being properly repaired, it was my intentionthence to proceed, overland, through the heart of Africa. The surfaceof the water, I well knew, afforded less resistance to the wheels of themachine--it passed along the waves like the chariot of Neptune; and inshort, having gotten upon the Red Sea, we scudded away to admirationthrough the pass of Babelmandeb to the great Western coast of Africa, where Alexander had not the courage to venture. 

And really, my friends, if Alexander had ventured toward the Cape ofGood Hope he most probably would have never returned. It is difficult todetermine whether there were then any inhabitants in the more southernparts of Africa or not; yet, at any rate, this conqueror of the worldwould have made but a nonsensical adventure; his miserable ships, notcontrived for a long voyage, would have become leaky, and foundered, before he could have doubled the Cape, and left his Majesty fairlybeyond the limits of the then known world. Yet it would have been anaugust exit for an Alexander, after having subdued Persia and India, to be wandering the Lord knows where, to Jup or Ammon, perhaps, or on avoyage to the moon, as an Indian chief once said to Captain Cook. 

But, for my part, I was far more successful than Alexander; I drove onwith the most amazing rapidity, and thinking to halt on shore at theCape, I unfortunately drove too close, and shattered the right sidewheels of my vehicle against the rock, now called the Table Mountain. The machine went against it with such impetuosity as completely shiveredthe rock in a horizontal direction; so that the summit of the mountain, in the form of a semi-sphere, was knocked into the sea, and the steepmountain becoming thereby flattened at the top, has since receivedthe name of the Table Mountain, from its similarity to that piece offurniture. 

Just as this part of the mountain was knocked off, the ghost of theCape, that tremendous sprite which cuts such a figure in the Lusiad, wasdiscovered sitting squat in an excavation formed for him in the centreof the mountain. He seemed just like a young bee in his little cellbefore he comes forth, or like a bean in a bean-pod; and when the upperpart of the mountain was split across and knocked off, the superior halfof his person was discovered. He appeared of a bottle-blue colour, andstarted, dazzled with the unexpected glare of the light: hearing thedreadful rattle of the wheels, and the loud chirping of the crickets, he was thunder-struck, and instantly giving a shriek, sunk down tenthousand fathoms into the earth, while the mountain, vomiting out somesmoke, silently closed up, and left not a trace behind!

CHAPTER XXIV

_The Baron secures his chariot, &c. , at the Cape and takes his passagefor England in a homeward-bound Indiaman--Wrecked upon an island of ice, near the coast of Guinea--Escapes from the wreck, and rears a variety ofvegetables upon the island--Meets some vessels belonging to the negroesbringing white slaves from Europe, in retaliation, to work upon theirplantations in a cold climate near the South Pole--Arrives in England, and lays an account of his expedition before the Privy Council--Greatpreparations for a new expedition--The Sphinx, Gog and Magog, and agreat company attend him--The ideas of Hilaro Frosticos respecting theinterior parts of Africa. _

I perceived with grief and consternation the miscarriage of all myapparatus; yet I was not absolutely dejected: a great mind is neverknown but in adversity. With permission of the Dutch governor thechariot was properly laid up in a great storehouse, erected at thewater's edge, and the bulls received every refreshment possible after soterrible a voyage. Well, you may be sure they deserved it, and thereforeevery attendance was engaged for them, until I should return. 

As it was not possible to do anything more I took my passage in ahomeward-bound Indiaman, to return to London, and lay the matter beforethe Privy Council. 

We met with nothing particular until we arrived upon the coast ofGuinea, where, to our utter astonishment, we perceived a great hill, seemingly of glass, advancing against us in the open sea; the raysof the sun were reflected upon it with such splendour, that it wasextremely difficult to gaze at the phenomenon. I immediately knew it tobe an island of ice, and though in so very warm a latitude, determinedto make all possible sail from such horrible danger. We did so, but allin vain, for about eleven o'clock at night, blowing a very hard gale, and exceedingly dark, we struck upon the island. Nothing could equalthe distraction, the shrieks, and despair of the whole crew, until I, knowing there was not a moment to be lost, cheered up their spirits, andbade them not despond, but do as I should request them. In a few minutesthe vessel was half full of water, and the enormous castle of ice thatseemed to hem us in on every side, in some places falling in hideousfragments upon the deck, killed one half of the crew; upon which, getting upon the summit of the mast, I contrived to make it fast to agreat promontory of the ice, and calling to the remainder of the crew tofollow me, we all escaped from the wreck, and got upon the summit of theisland. 

The rising sun soon gave us a dreadful prospect of our situation, andthe loss, or rather iceification, of the vessel; for being closed inon every side with castles of ice during the night, she was absolutelyfrozen over and buried in such a manner that we could behold her underour feet, even in the central solidity of the island. Having debatedwhat was best to be done, we immediately cut down through the ice, andgot up some of the cables of the vessel, and the boats, which, makingfast to the island, we towed it with all our might, determined to bringhome island and all, or perish in the attempt. On the summit of theisland we placed what oakum and dregs of every kind of matter we couldget from the vessel, which, in the space of a very few hours, onaccount of the liquefying of the ice, and the warmth of the sun, weretransformed into a very fine manure; and as I had some seeds of exoticvegetables in my pocket, we shortly had a sufficiency of fruits androots growing upon the island to supply the whole crew, especially thebread-fruit tree, a few plants of which had been in the vessel; andanother tree, which bore plum-puddings so very hot, and with suchexquisite proportion of sugar, fruit, &c. , that we all acknowledgedit was not possible to taste anything of the kind more delicious inEngland: in short, though the scurvy had made such dreadful progressamong the crew before our striking upon the ice, the supply ofvegetables, and especially the bread-fruit and pudding-fruit, put analmost immediate stop to the distemper. 

We had not proceeded thus many weeks, advancing with incredible fatigueby continual towing, when we fell in with a fleet of Negro-men, as theycall them. These wretches, I must inform you, my dear friends, had foundmeans to make prizes of those vessels from some Europeans upon the coastof Guinea, and tasting the sweets of luxury, had formed colonies inseveral new discovered islands near the South Pole, where they had avariety of plantations of such matters as would only grow in the coldestclimates. As the black inhabitants of Guinea were unsuited to theclimate and excessive cold of the country, they formed the diabolicalproject of getting Christian slaves to work for them. For this purposethey sent vessels every year to the coast of Scotland, the northernparts of Ireland, and Wales, and were even sometimes seen off the coastof Cornwall. And having purchased, or entrapped by fraud or violence, a great number of men, women, and children, they proceeded with theircargoes of human flesh to the other end of the world, and sold them totheir planters, where they were flogged into obedience, and made to worklike horses all the rest of their lives. 

My blood ran cold at the idea, while every one on the island alsoexpressed his horror that such an iniquitous traffic should be sufferedto exist. But, except by open violence, it was found impossible todestroy the trade, on account of a barbarous prejudice, entertained oflate by the negroes, that the white people have no souls! However, wewere determined to attack them, and steering down our island upon them, soon overwhelmed them: we saved as many of the white people as possible, but pushed all the blacks into the water again. The poor creatureswe saved from slavery were so overjoyed, that they wept aloud throughgratitude, and we experienced every delightful sensation to thinkwhat happiness we should shower upon their parents, their brothers andsisters and children, by bringing them home safe, redeemed from slavery, to the bosom of their native country. 

Having happily arrived in England, I immediately laid a statement ofmy voyage, &c. , before the Privy Council, and entreated an immediateassistance to travel into Africa, and, if possible, refit my formermachine, and take it along with the rest. Everything was instantlygranted to my satisfaction, and I received orders to get myself readyfor departure as soon as possible. 

As the Emperor of China had sent a most curious animal as a presentto Europe, which was kept in the Tower, and it being of an enormousstature, and capable of performing the voyage with _éclat_, she wasordered to attend me. She was called Sphinx, and was one of the mosttremendous though magnificent figures I ever beheld. She was harnessedwith superb trappings to a large flat-bottomed boat, in which was placedan edifice of wood, exactly resembling Westminster Hall. Two balloonswere placed over it, tackled by a number of ropes to the boat, to keepup a proper equilibrium, and prevent it from overturning, or filling, from the prodigious weight of the fabric. 

The interior of the edifice was decorated with seats, in the form ofan amphitheatre, and crammed as full as it could hold with ladies andlords, as a council and retinue for your humble servant. Nearly in thecentre was a seat elegantly decorated for myself, and on either side ofme were placed the famous Gog and Magog in all their pomp. 

The Lord Viscount Gosamer being our postillion, we floated gallantlydown the river, the noble Sphinx gambolling like the huge leviathan, andtowing after her the boat and balloons. 

Thus we advanced, sailing gently, into the open sea; being calm weather, we could scarcely feel the motion of the vehicle, and passed our timein grand debate upon the glorious intention of our voyage, and thediscoveries that would result. 

"I am of opinion, " said my noble friend, Hilaro Frosticos, "that Africawas originally inhabited for the greater part, or, I may say, subjugatedby lions which, next to man, seem to be the most dreaded of all mortaltyrants. The country in general--at least, what we have been hithertoable to discover, seems rather inimical to human life; the intolerabledryness of the place, the burning sands that overwhelm whole armiesand cities in general ruin, and the hideous life many roving hordes arecompelled to lead, incline me to think, that if ever we form any greatsettlements therein, it will become the grave of our countrymen. Yet itis nearer to us than the East Indies, and I cannot but imagine, that inmany places every production of China, and of the East and West Indies, would flourish, if properly attended to. And as the country is soprodigiously extensive and unknown, what a source of discovery must notit contain! In fact, we know less about the interior of Africa than wedo of the moon; for in this latter we measure the very prominences, and observe the varieties and inequalities of the surface through ourglasses--

"Forests and mountains on her spotted orb. 

"But we see nothing in the interior of Africa, but what some compilersof maps or geographers are fanciful enough to imagine. What a happyevent, therefore, should we not expect from a voyage of discovery andcolonisation undertaken in so magnificent a style as the present! what apride--what an acquisition to philosophy!"

CHAPTER XXV

_Count Gosamer thrown by Sphinx into the snow on the top ofTeneriffe--Gog and Magog conduct Sphinx for the rest of the voyage--TheBaron arrives at the Cape, and unites his former chariot, &c. , tohis new retinue--Passes into Africa, proceeding from the Capenorthwards--Defeats a host of lions by a curious stratagem--Travelsthrough an immense desert--His whole company, chariot, &c. , overwhelmedby a whirlwind of sand--Extricates them, and arrives in a fertilecountry. _

The brave Count Gosamer, with a pair of hell-fire spurs on, riding uponSphinx, directed the whole retinue towards the Madeiras. But the Counthad no small share of an amiable vanity, and perceiving great multitudesof people, Gascons, &c. , assembled upon the French coast, he could notrefrain from showing some singular capers, such as they had never seenbefore: but especially when he observed all the members of the NationalAssembly extend themselves along the shore, as a piece of Frenchpoliteness, to honour this expedition, with Rousseau, Voltaire, andBeelzebub at their head; he set spurs to Sphinx, and at the same timecut and cracked away as hard as he could, holding in the reins with allhis might, striving to make the creature plunge and show some uncommondiversion. But sulky and ill-tempered was Sphinx at the time: sheplunged indeed--such a devil of a plunge, that she dashed him in onejerk over her head, and he fell precipitately into the water before her. It was in the Bay of Biscay, all the world knows a very boisterous sea, and Sphinx, fearing he would be drowned, never turned to the left orthe right out of her way, but advancing furious, just stooped her heada little, and supped the poor count off the water, into her mouth, together with the quantity of two or three tuns of water, which shemust have taken in along with him, but which were, to such an enormouscreature as Sphinx, nothing more than a spoonful would be to any of youor me. She swallowed him, but when she had got him in her stomach, hislong spurs so scratched and tickled her, that they produced the effectof an emetic. No sooner was he in, but out he was squirted with themost horrible impetuosity, like a ball or a shell from the calibre ofa mortar. Sphinx was at this time quite sea-sick, and the unfortunatecount was driven forth like a sky-rocket, and landed upon the peak ofTeneriffe, plunged over head and ears in the snow--_requiescat in pace!_

I perceived all this mischief from my seat in the ark, but was in such aconvulsion of laughter that I could not utter an intelligible word. Andnow Sphinx, deprived of her postillion, went on in a zigzag direction, and gambolled away after a most dreadful manner. And thus had everythinggone to wreck, had I not given instant orders to Gog and Magog to sallyforth. They plunged into the water, and swimming on each side, got atlength right before the animal, and then seized the reins. Thus theycontinued swimming on each side, like tritons, holding the muzzleof Sphinx, while I, sallying forth astride upon the creature's back, steered forward on our voyage to the Cape of Good Hope. 

Arriving at the Cape, I immediately gave orders to repair my formerchariot and machines, which were very expeditiously performed by theexcellent artists I had brought with me from Europe. And now everythingbeing refitted, we launched forth upon the water: perhaps there neverwas anything seen more glorious or more august. 'Twas magnificent tobehold Sphinx make her obeisance on the water, and the crickets chirpupon the bulls in return of the salute; while Gog and Magog, advancing, took the reins of the great John Mowmowsky, and leading towards uschariot and all, instantly disposed of them to the forepart of the arkby hooks and eyes, and tackled Sphinx before all the bulls. Thus thewhole had a most tremendous and triumphal appearance. In front floatedforwards the mighty Sphinx, with Gog and Magog on each side; nextfollowed in order the bulls with crickets upon their heads; and thenadvanced the chariot of Queen Mab, containing the curious seat andorrery of heaven; after which appeared the boat and ark of council, overtopped with two balloons, which gave an air of greater lightness andelegance to the whole. I placed in the galleries under the balloons, andon the backs of the bulls, a number of excellent vocal performers, with martial music of clarionets and trumpets. They sung the "WateryDangers, " and the "Pomp of Deep Cerulean!" The sun shone glorious on thewater while the procession advanced toward the land, under five hundredarches of ice, illuminated with coloured lights, and adorned in the mostgrotesque and fanciful style with sea-weed, elegant festoons, and shellsof every kind; while a thousand water-spouts danced eternally beforeand after us, attracting the water from the sea in a kind of cone, andsuddenly uniting with the most fantastical thunder and lightning. 

Having landed our whole retinue, we immediately began to proceed towardthe heart of Africa, but first thought it expedient to place a number ofwheels under the ark for its greater facility of advancing. We journeyednearly due north for several days, and met with nothing remarkableexcept the astonishment of the savage natives to behold our equipage. 

The Dutch Government at the Cape, to do them justice, gave us everypossible assistance for the expedition. I presume they had receivedinstruction on that head from their High Mightinesses in Holland. However, they presented us with a specimen of some of the most excellentof their Cape wine, and showed us every politeness in their power. Asto the face of the country, as we advanced, it appeared in many placescapable of every cultivation, and of abundant fertility. The nativesand Hottentots of this part of Africa have been frequently describedby travellers, and therefore it is not necessary to say any more aboutthem. But in the more interior parts of Africa the appearance, manners, and genius of the people are totally different. 

We directed our course by the compass and the stars, getting everyday prodigious quantities of game in the woods, and at night encampingwithin a proper enclosure for fear of the wild beasts. One whole day inparticular we heard on every side, among the hills, the horrible roaringof lions, resounding from rock to rock like broken thunder. It seemedas if there was a general rendezvous of all these savage animals to fallupon our party. That whole day we advanced with caution, our huntersscarcely venturing beyond pistol shot from the caravan for fear ofdissolution. At night we encamped as usual, and threw up a circularentrenchment round our tents. We had scarce retired to repose when wefound ourselves serenaded by at least one thousand lions, approachingequally on every side, and within a hundred paces. Our cattle showed themost horrible symptoms of fear, all trembling, and in cold perspiration. I directly ordered the whole company to stand to their arms, and not tomake any noise by firing till I should command them. I then took a largequantity of tar, which I had brought with our caravan for that purpose, and strewed it in a continued stream round the encampment, within whichcircle of tar I immediately placed another train or circle of gunpowder, and having taken this precaution, I anxiously waited the lions'approach. These dreadful animals, knowing, I presume, the force of ourtroop, advanced very slowly, and with caution, approaching on everyside of us with an equal pace, and growling in hideous concert, so asto resemble an earthquake, or some similar convulsion of the world. Whenthey had at length advanced and steeped all their paws in the tar, theyput their noses to it, smelling it as if it were blood, and daubed theirgreat bushy hair and whiskers with it equal to their paws. At that veryinstant, when, in concert, they were to give the mortal dart upon us, Idischarged a pistol at the train of gunpowder, which instantly explodedon every side, made all the lions recoil in general uproar, and take toflight with the utmost precipitation. In an instant we could beholdthem scattered through the woods at some distance, roaring in agony, andmoving about like so many Will-o'-the-Wisps, their paws and faces all onfire from the tar and the gun-powder. I then ordered a general pursuit:we followed them on every side through the woods, their own lightserving as our guide, until, before the rising of the sun, we followedinto their fastnesses and shot or otherwise destroyed every one of them, and during the whole of our journey after we never heard the roaring ofa lion, nor did any wild beast presume to make another attack upon ourparty, which shows the excellence of immediate presence of mind, andthe terror inspired into the savage enemies by a proper and well-timedproceeding. 

We at length arrived on the confines of an immeasurable desert--animmense plain, extending on every side of us like an ocean. Not a tree, nor a shrub, nor a blade of grass was to be seen, but all appeared anextreme fine sand, mixed with gold-dust and little sparkling pearls. 

The gold-dust and pearls appeared to us of little value, because wecould have no expectation of returning to England for a considerabletime. We observed, at a great distance, something like a smoke arisingjust over the verge of the horizon, and looking with our telescopes weperceived it to be a whirlwind tearing up the sand and tossing it aboutin the heavens with frightful impetuosity. I immediately ordered mycompany to erect a mound around us of a great size, which we did withastonishing labour and perseverance, and then roofed it over withcertain planks and timber, which we had with us for the purpose. Ourlabour was scarcely finished when the sand came rolling in like thewaves of the sea; 'twas a storm and river of sand united. It continuedto advance in the same direction, without intermission, for three days, and completely covered over the mound we had erected, and buried us allwithin. The intense heat of the place was intolerable; but guessing, by the cessation of the noise, that the storm was passed, we set aboutdigging a passage to the light of day again, which we effected in avery short time, and ascending, perceived that the whole had been socompletely covered with the sand, that there appeared no hills, but onecontinued plain, with inequalities or ridges on it like the waves of thesea. We soon extricated our vehicle and retinue from the burning sands, but not without great danger, as the heat was very violent, and began toproceed on our voyage. Storms of sand of a similar nature several timesattacked us, but by using the same precautions we preserved ourselvesrepeatedly from destruction. Having travelled more than nine thousandmiles over this inhospitable plain, exposed to the perpendicular rays ofa burning sun, without ever meeting a rivulet, or a shower from heavento refresh us, we at length became almost desperate, when, to ourinexpressible joy, we beheld some mountains at a great distance, and onour nearer approach observed them covered with a carpet of verdure andgroves and woods. Nothing could appear more romantic or beautiful thanthe rocks and precipices intermingled with flowers and shrubs of everykind, and palm-trees of such a prodigious size as to surpass anythingever seen in Europe. Fruits of all kinds appeared growing wild in theutmost abundance, and antelopes and sheep and buffaloes wandered aboutthe groves and valleys in profusion. The trees resounded with the melodyof birds, and everything displayed a general scene of rural happinessand joy. 

CHAPTER XXVI

_A feast on live bulls and kava--The inhabitants admire the Europeanadventurers--The Emperor comes to meet the Baron, and pays him greatcompliments--The inhabitants of the centre of Africa descended fromthe people of the moon proved by an inscription in Africa, and by theanalogy of their language, which is also the same with that of theancient Scythians--The Baron is declared sovereign of the interiorof Africa on the decease of the Emperor--He endeavours to abolish thecustom of eating live bulls, which excites much discontent--The adviceof Hilaro Frosticos upon the occasion--The Baron makes a speech to anAssembly of the states, which only excites greater murmurs--He consultswith Hilaro Frosticos. _

Having passed over the nearest mountains we entered a delightful vale, where we perceived a multitude of persons at a feast of living bulls, whose flesh they cut away with great knives, making a table of thecreature's carcase, serenaded by the bellowing of the unfortunateanimal. Nothing seemed requisite to add to the barbarity of this feastbut _kava_, made as described in Cook's voyages, and at the conclusionof the feast we perceived them brewing this liquor, which they drankwith the utmost avidity. From that moment, inspired with an idea ofuniversal benevolence, I determined to abolish the custom of eating liveflesh and drinking of kava. But I knew that such a thing could not beimmediately effected, whatever in future time might be performed. 

Having rested ourselves during a few days, we determined to set outtowards the principal city of the empire. The singularity of ourappearance was spoken of all over the country as a phenomenon. Themultitude looked upon Sphinx, the bulls, the crickets, the balloons, andthe whole company, as something more than terrestrial, but especiallythe thunder of our fire-arms, which struck horror and amazement into thewhole nation. 

We at length arrived at the metropolis, situated on the banks of a nobleriver, and the emperor, attended by all his court, came out in grandprocession to meet us. The emperor appeared mounted on a dromedary, royally caparisoned, with all his attendants on foot through respectfor his Majesty. He was rather above the middle stature of that country, four feet three inches in height, with a countenance, like all hiscountrymen, as white as snow! He was preceded by a band of mostexquisite music, according to the fashion of the country, and his wholeretinue halted within about fifty paces of our troop. We returned thesalute by a discharge of musketry, and a flourish of our trumpetsand martial music. I commanded our caravan to halt, and dismounting, advanced uncovered, with only two attendants, towards his Majesty. Theemperor was equally polite, and descending from his dromedary, advancedto meet me. "I am happy, " said he, "to have the honour to receive soillustrious a traveller, and assure you that everything in my empireshall be at your disposal. "

I thanked his Majesty for his politeness, and expressed how happy I wasto meet so polished and refined a people in the centre of Africa, andthat I hoped to show myself and company grateful for his esteem, byintroducing the arts and sciences of Europe among the people. 

I immediately perceived the true descent of this people, which does notappear of terrestrial origin, but descended from some of the inhabitantsof the moon, because the principal language spoken there, and in thecentre of Africa, is very nearly the same. Their alphabet and method ofwriting are pretty much the same, and show the extreme antiquity of thispeople, and their exalted origin. I here give you a specimen of theirwriting [_Vide Otrckocsus de Orig. Hung. _ p. 46]:--Stregnah, dnaskoohtop. 

These characters I have submitted to the inspection of a celebratedantiquarian, and it will be proved to the satisfaction of every one, in his next volume, what an immediate intercourse there must have beenbetween the inhabitants of the moon and the ancient Scythians, whichScythians did not by any means inhabit a part of Russia, but thecentral part of Africa, as I can abundantly prove to my very learnedand laborious friend. The above words, written in our characters, are_Sregnah dna skoohtop_; that is, The Scythians are of heavenly origin. The word _Sregnah_, which signifies _Scythians_, is compounded of _sreg_or _sre_, whence our present English word sire, or sir: and _nah_, or _gnah_, knowledge, because the Scythians united the essentials ofnobility and learning together: _dna_ signifies heaven, or belonging tothe moon, from _duna_, who was anciently worshipped as goddess of thatluminary. And _skooh-top_ signifies the origin or beginning of anything, from _skoo_, the name used in the moon for a point in geometry, and_top_ or _htop_, vegetation. These words are inscribed at this day upona pyramid in the centre of Africa, nearly at the source of the riverNiger; and if any one refuses his assent, he may go there to beconvinced. 

The emperor conducted me to his court amidst the admiration ofhis courtiers, and paid us every possible politeness that Africanmagnificence could bestow. He never presumed to proceed on anyexpedition without consulting us, and looking upon us as a speciesof superior beings, paid the greatest respect to our opinions. Hefrequently asked me about the states of Europe, and the kingdom of GreatBritain, and appeared lost in admiration at the account I gave him ofour shipping, and the immensity of the ocean. We taught him to regulatethe government nearly on the same plan with the British constitution, and to institute a parliament and degrees of nobility. His majestywas the last of his royal line, and on his decease, with the unanimousconsent of the people, made me heir to the whole empire. The nobilityand chiefs of the country immediately waited upon me with petitions, entreating me to accept the government. I consulted with my noblefriends, Gog and Magog, &c. , and after much consultation it was agreedthat I should accept the government, not as actual and independentmonarch of the place, but as viceroy to his Majesty of England. 

I now thought it high time to do away the custom of eating of live fleshand drinking of kava, and for that purpose used every persuasive methodto wean the majority of the people from it. This, to my astonishment, was not taken in good part by the nation, and they looked with jealousyat those strangers who wanted to make innovations among them. 

Nevertheless, I felt much concern to think that my fellow-creaturescould be capable of such barbarity. I did everything that a heartfraught with universal benevolence and good will to all mankind couldbe capable of desiring. I first tried every method of persuasion andincitement. I did not harshly reprove them, but I invited frequentlywhole thousands to dine, after the fashion of Europe, upon roasted meat. Alas, 'twas all in vain! my goodness nearly excited a sedition. Theymurmured among themselves, spoke of my intentions, my wild and ambitiousviews, as if I, O heaven! could have had any personal interested motivein making them live like men, rather than like crocodiles and tigers. Infine, perceiving that gentleness could be of no avail, well knowingthat when complaisance can effect nothing from some spirits, compulsionexcites respect and veneration, I prohibited, under the pain of theseverest penalties, the drinking of kava, or eating of live flesh, for the space of nine days, within the districts of Angalinar andPaphagalna. 

But this created such an universal abhorrence and detestation ofmy government, that my ministers, and even myself, were universallypasquinadoed; lampoons, satires, ridicule, and insult, were showeredupon the name of Munchausen wherever it was mentioned; and in fine, there never was a government so much detested, or with such littlereason. 

In this dilemma I had recourse to the advice of my noble friend HilaroFrosticos. In his good sense I now expected some resource, for the restof the council, who had advised me to the former method, had given buta poor specimen of their abilities and discernment, or I should havesucceeded more happily. In short, he addressed himself to me and to thecouncil as follows:--

"It is in vain, most noble Munchausen, that your Excellency endeavoursto compel or force these people to a life to which they have never beenaccustomed. In vain do you tell them that apple-pies, pudding, roastbeef, minced pies, or tarts, are delicious, that sugar is sweet, thatwine is exquisite. Alas! they cannot, they will not comprehend whatdeliciousness is, what sweetness, or what the flavour of the grape. Andeven if they were convinced of the superior excellence of your way oflife, never, never would they be persuaded; and that if for no otherreason, but because force or persuasion is employed to induce them toit. Abandon that idea for the present, and let us try another method. Myopinion, therefore, is, that we should at once cease all endeavours tocompel or persuade them. But let us, if possible, procure a quantity of_fudge_ from England, and carelessly scatter it over all the country;and from this disposal of matters I presume--nay, I have a moralcertainty, that we shall reclaim this people from horror and barbarity. "

Had this been proposed at any other time, it would have been violentlyopposed in the council; but now, when every other attempt had failed, when there seemed no other resource, the majority willingly submitted tothey knew not what, for they absolutely had no idea of the manner, the possibilities of success, or how they could bring matters to bear. However, 'twas a scheme, and as such they submitted. For my part, Ilistened with ecstasy to the words of Hilaro Frosticos, for I knew thathe had a most singular knowledge of human kind, and could humour andpersuade them on to their own happiness and universal good. Therefore, according to the advice of Hilaro, I despatched a balloon with four menover the desert to the Cape of Good Hope, with letters to be forwardedto England, requiring, without delay, a few cargoes of fudge. 

The people had all this time remained in a general state of ferment andmurmur. Everything that rancour, low wit, and deplorable ignorancecould conceive to asperse my government, was put in execution. The mostworthy, even the most beneficent actions, everything that was amiable, were perverted into opposition. 

The heart of Munchausen was not made of such impenetrable stuff as to beinsensible to the hatred of even the most worthless wretch in the wholekingdom; and once, at a general assembly of the states, filled with anidea of such continued ingratitude, I spoke as pathetic as possible, not, methought, beneath my dignity, to make them feel for me: that theuniversal good and happiness of the people were all I wished or desired;that if my actions had been mistaken, or improper surmises formed, stillI had no wish, no desire, but the public welfare, &c. &c. &c. 

Hilaro Frosticos was all this time much disturbed; he looked sternly atme--he frowned, but I was so engrossed with the warmth of my heart, myintentions, that I understood him not: in a minute I saw nothing but asif through a cloud (such is the force of amiable sensibility)--lords, ladies, chiefs--the whole assembly seemed to swim before my sight. The more I thought on my good intentions, the lampoons which so muchaffected my delicacy, good nature, tenderness--I forgot myself--I spokerapid, violent--beneficence--fire--tenderness--alas! I melted intotears!

"Pish! pish!" said Hilaro Frosticos. 

Now, indeed, was my government lampooned, satirised, carribonadoed, bepickled, and bedevilled. One day, with my arm full of lampoons, Istarted up as Hilaro entered the room, the tears in my eyes: "Look, lookhere, Hilaro!--how can I bear all this? It is impossible to pleasethem; I will leave the government--I cannot bear it! See what pitifulanecdotes--what surmises: I will make my people feel for me--I willleave the government!"

"Pshaw!" says Hilaro. At that simple mono-syllable I found myselfchanged as if by magic! for I ever looked on Hilaro as a person soexperienced--such fortitude, such good sense. "There are three sails, under the convoy of a frigate, " added Hilaro, "just arrived at the Cape, after a fortunate passage, laden with the fudge that we demanded. No time is to be lost; let it be immediately conducted hither, anddistributed through the principal granaries of the empire. "

CHAPTER XXVII

_A proclamation by the Baron--Excessive curiosity of the people to knowwhat fudge was--The people in a general ferment about it--They breakopen all the granaries in the empire--The affections of the peopleconciliated--An ode performed in honour of the Baron--His discoursewith Fragrantia on the excellence of the music. _

Some time after I ordered the following proclamation to be published inthe Court Gazette, and in all the other papers of the empire:--

BY THE MOST MIGHTY AND PUISSANT LORD, HIS EXCELLENCY THE

LORD BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 

Whereas a quantity of fudge has been distributed through all thegranaries of the empire for particular uses; and as the natives haveever expressed their aversion to all manner of European eatables, it ishereby strictly forbidden, under pain of the severest penalties, forany of the officers charged with the keeping of the said fudge to give, sell, or suffer to be sold, any part or quantity whatever of the saidmaterial, until it be agreeable unto our good will and pleasure. 

Dated in our Castle of Gristariska

this Triskill of the month of

Griskish, in the year Moulikasra-

navas-kashna-vildash. 

This proclamation excited the most ardent curiosity all over the empire. "Do you know what this fudge is?" said Lady Mooshilgarousti to LordDarnarlaganl. "Fudge!" said he, "Fudge! no: what fudge?" "I mean, "replied her Ladyship, "the enormous quantity of fudge that has beendistributed under guards in all the strong places in the empire, andwhich is strictly forbidden to be sold or given to any of the nativesunder the severest penalties. " "Lord!" replied he, "what in the nameof wonder can it be? Forbidden! why it must, but pray do you, LadyFashashash, do you know what this fudge is? Do you, Lord Trastillauex?or you, Miss Gristilarkask? What! nobody know what this fudge can be?"

It engrossed for several days the chit-chat of the whole empire. Fudge, fudge, fudge, resounded in all companies and in all places, from therising until the setting of the sun; and even at night, when gentlesleep refreshed the rest of mortals, the ladies of all that country weredreaming of fudge!

"Upon my honour, " said Kitty, as she was adjusting her modesty piecebefore the glass, just after getting out of bed, "there is scarceanything I would not give to know what this fudge can be. " "La! mydear, " replied Miss Killnariska, "I have been dreaming the whole nightof nothing but fudge; I thought my lover kissed my hand, and pressed itto his bosom, while I, frowning, endeavoured to wrest it from him: thathe kneeled at my feet. No, never, never will I look at you, cried I, till you tell me what this fudge can be, or get me some of it. Begone!cried I, with all the dignity of offended beauty, majesty, and a tragicqueen. Begone! never see me more, or bring me this delicious fudge. Heswore, on the honour of a knight, that he would wander o'er the world, encounter every danger, perish in the attempt, or satisfy the angel ofhis soul. "

The chiefs and nobility of the nation, when they met together to drinktheir kava, spoke of nothing but fudge. Men, women, and children all, all talked of nothing but fudge. 'Twas a fury of curiosity, one generalferment, and universal fever--nothing but fudge could allay it. 

But in one respect they all agreed, that government must have had someinterested view, in giving such positive orders to preserve it, and keepit from the natives of the country. Petitions were addressed to mefrom all quarters, from every corporation and body of men in the wholeempire. The majority of the people instructed their constituents, andthe parliament presented a petition, praying that I would be pleasedto take the state of the nation under consideration, and give ordersto satisfy the people, or the most dreadful consequences were to beapprehended. To these requests, at the entreaty of my council, I made noreply, or at best but unsatisfactory answers. Curiosity was on the rack;they forgot to lampoon the government, so engaged were they about thefudge. The great assembly of the states could think of nothing else. Instead of enacting laws for the regulation of the people, instead ofconsulting what should seem most wise, most excellent, they could think, talk, and harangue of nothing but fudge. In vain did the Speaker callto order; the more checks they got the more extravagant and inquisitivethey were. 

In short, the populace in many places rose in the most outrageous andtumultuous manner, forced open the granaries in all places in one day, and triumphantly distributed the fudge through the whole empire. 

Whether on account of the longing, the great curiosity, imagination, or the disposition of the people, I cannot say--but they found itinfinitely to their taste; 'twas intoxication of joy, satisfaction, andapplause. 

Finding how much they liked this fudge, I procured another quantity fromEngland, much greater than the former, and cautiously bestowed it overall the kingdom. Thus were the affections of the people regained; andthey, from hence, began to venerate, applaud, and admire my governmentmore than ever. The following ode was performed at the castle, in themost superb style, and universally admired:--

 ODE. 

 Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog, And trump'ts high chiming anthrophog, Come sing blithe choral all in _og_, Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!

 Great and superb appears thy cap sublime, Admired and worshipp'd as the rising sun; Solemn, majestic, wise, like hoary Time, And fam'd alike for virtue, sense, and fun. 

 Then swell the noble strain with song, And elegance divine, While goddesses around shall throng, And all the muses nine. 

 And bulls, and crickets, and Gog, Magog, And trumpets chiming anthrophog, Shall sing blithe choral all in _og_, Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!

This piece of poetry was much applauded, admired, and _encored_ in everypublic assembly, celebrated as an astonishing effort of genius; andthe music, composed by Minheer Gastrashbark Gkrghhbarwskhk, was thoughtequal to the sense!--Never was there anything so universally admired, the summit of the most exquisite wit, the keenest praise, the mostexcellent music. 

"Upon my honour, and the faith I owe my love, " said I, "music may betalked of in England, but to possess the very soul of harmony the worldshould come to the performance of this ode. " Lady Fragrantia was atthat moment drumming with her fingers on the edge of her fan, lost in areverie, thinking she was playing upon----Was it a forte piano?

"No, my dear Fragrantia, " said I, tenderly taking her in my arms whileshe melted into tears; "never, never, will I play upon any other----!"

Oh! 'twas divine, to see her like a summer's morning, all blushing andfull of dew!

CHAPTER XXVIII

_The Baron sets all the people of the empire to work to build a bridgefrom their country to Great Britain--His contrivance to render the archsecure--Orders an inscription to be engraved on the bridge--Returns withall his company, chariot, etc. , to England--Surveys the kingdoms andnations under him from the middle of the bridge. _

"And now, most noble Baron, " said the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, "nowis the time to make this people proceed in any business that we findconvenient. Take them at this present ferment of the mind, let them notthink, but at once set them to work. " In short, the whole nation wentheartily to the business, to build an edifice such as was never seen inany other country. I took care to supply them with their favourite kavaand fudge, and they worked like horses. The tower of Babylon, which, according to Hermogastricus, was seven miles high, or the Chinese wall, was a mere trifle, in comparison to this stupendous edifice, which wascompleted in a very short space of time. 

It was of an immense height, far beyond anything that ever had beenbefore erected, and of such gentle ascent, that a regiment of cavalrywith a train of cannon could ascend with perfect ease and facility. Itseemed like a rainbow in the heavens, the base of which appeared to risein the centre of Africa, and the other extremity seemed to stoop intogreat Britain. A most noble bridge indeed, and a piece of masonry thathas outdone Sir Christopher Wren. Wonderful must it have been to form sotremendous an arch, especially as the artists had certain difficultiesto labour against which they could not have in the formation of anyother arch in the world--I mean, the attraction of the moon andplanets: Because the arch was of so great a height, and in some partsso elongated from the earth, as in a great measure to diminish in itsgravitation to the centre of our globe; or rather, seemed more easilyoperated upon by the attraction of the planets: So that the stones ofthe arch, one would think, at certain times, were ready to fall _up_to the moon, and at other times to fall down to the earth. But as theformer was more to be dreaded, I secured stability to the fabric by avery curious contrivance: I ordered the architects to get the heads ofsome hundred numbskulls and blockheads, and fix them to the interiorsurface of the arch, at certain intervals, all the whole length, bywhich means the arch was held together firm, and its inclination to theearth eternally established; because of all the things in the world, theskulls of these kind of animals have a strange facility of tending tothe centre of the earth. 

The building being completed, I caused an inscription to be engraved inthe most magnificent style upon the summit of the arch, in letters sogreat and luminous, that all vessels sailing to the East or West Indiesmight read them distinct in the heavens, like the motto of Constantine. 

KARDOL BAGARLAN KAI TON FARINGO SARGAI RA

MO PASHROL VATINEAC CAL COLNITOS RO NA FILNAT

AGASTRA SA DINGANNAL FANO. 

That is to say, "As long as this arch and bond of union shall exist, so long shall the people be happy. Nor can all the power of the worldaffect them, unless the moon, advancing from her usual sphere, shouldso much attract the skulls as to cause a sudden elevation, on which thewhole will fall into the most horrible confusion. "

An easy intercourse being thus established between Great Britain andthe centre of Africa, numbers travelled continually to and from bothcountries, and at my request mail coaches were ordered to run onthe bridge between both empires. After some time, having settled thegovernment to my satisfaction, I requested permission to resign, as agreat cabal had been excited against me in England; I therefore receivedmy letters of recall, and prepared to return to Old England. 

In fine, I set out upon my journey, covered with applause and generaladmiration. I proceeded with the same retinue that I had before--Sphinx, Gog and Magog, &c. , and advanced along the bridge, lined on each sidewith rows of trees, adorned with festoons of various flowers, andilluminated with coloured lights. We advanced at a great rate along thebridge, which was so very extensive that we could scarcely perceive theascent, but proceeded insensibly until we arrived on the centre of thearch. The view from thence was glorious beyond conception; 'twas divineto look down on the kingdoms and seas and islands under us. Africaseemed in general of a tawny brownish colour, burned up by the sun:Spain seemed more inclining to a yellow, on account of some fields ofcorn scattered over the kingdom; France appeared more inclining to abright straw-colour, intermixed with green; and England appeared coveredwith the most beautiful verdure. I admired the appearance of the BalticSea, which evidently seemed to have been introduced between thosecountries by the sudden splitting of the land, and that originallySweden was united to the western coast of Denmark; in short, the wholeinterstice of the Gulf of Finland had no being, until thesecountries, by mutual consent, separated from one another. Such were myphilosophical meditations as I advanced, when I observed a man in armourwith a tremendous spear or lance, and mounted upon a steed, advancingagainst me. I soon discovered by a telescope that it could be no otherthan Don Quixote, and promised myself much amusement in the rencounter. 

CHAPTER XXIX

_The Baron's retinue is opposed in a heroic style by Don Quixote, who inhis turn is attacked by Gog and Magog--Lord Whittington, with the LordMayor's show, comes to the assistance of Don Quixote--Gog and Magogassail his Lordship--Lord Whittington makes a speech, and deludes Gogand Magog to his party--A general scene of uproar and battle among thecompany, until the Baron, with great presence of mind, appeases thetumult. _

"What art thou?" exclaimed Don Quixote on his potent steed. "Whoart thou? Speak! or, by the eternal vengeance of mine arm, thy wholemachinery shall perish at sound of this my trumpet!"

Astonished at so rude a salutation, the great Sphinx stopped short, and bridling up herself, drew in her head, like a snail when it touchessomething that it does not like: the bulls set up a horrid bellowing, the crickets sounded an alarm, and Gog and Magog advanced before therest. One of these powerful brothers had in his hand a great pole, tothe extremity of which was fastened a cord of about two feet in length, and to the end of the cord was fastened a ball of iron, with spikesshooting from it like the rays of a star; with this weapon he preparedto encounter, and advancing thus he spoke:--

"Audacious wight! that thus, in complete steel arrayed, doth dare toventure cross my way, to stop the great Munchausen. Know then, proudknight, that thou shalt instant perish 'neath my potent arm. "

When Quixote, Mancha's knight, responded firm:--

"Gigantic monster! leader of witches, crickets, and chimeras dire! knowthou, that here before yon azure heaven the cause of truth, of valour, and of faith right pure shall ordeal counter try it!"

Thus he spoke, and brandishing his mighty spear, would instant prodigiessublime perform, had not some wight placed 'neath the tail of darkRosinante furze all thorny base; at which, quadrupedanting, plunged thesteed, and instant on the earth the knight roared _credo_ for his life. 

At that same moment ten thousand frogs started from the morions of Gogand Magog, and furiously assailed the knight on every side. In vain heroared, and invoked fair Dulcinea del Toboso: for frogs' wild croakingseemed more loud, more sonorous than all his invocations. And thus inbattle vile the knight was overcome, and spawn all swarmed upon hisglittering helmet. 

"Detested miscreants!" roared the knight; "avaunt! Enchanters dire andgoblins could alone this arduous task perform; to rout the knight ofMancha, foul defeat, and war, even such as ne'er was known before. Thenhear, O del Toboso! hear my vows, that thus in anguish of my soul Iurge, midst frogs, Gridalbin, Hecaton, Kai, Talon, and the Rove! [forsuch the names and definitions of their qualities, their separatepowers. ] For Merlin plumed their airy flight, and then in waterymoonbeam dyed his rod eccentric. At the touch ten thousand frogs, strange metamorphosed, croaked even thus: And here they come, on highbehest, to vilify the knight that erst defended famed virginity, andmatrons all bewronged, and pilgrims hoar, and courteous guise of all!But the age of chivalry is gone, and the glory of Europe is extinguishedfor ever?"

He spake, and sudden good Lord Whittington, at head of all hisraree-show, came forth, armour antique of chivalry, and helmets old, andtroops, all streamers, flags and banners glittering gay, red, gold, andpurple; and in every hand a square of gingerbread, all gilded nice, was brandished awful. At a word, ten thousand thousand Naples biscuits, crackers, buns, and flannel-cakes, and hats of gingerbread encounteredin mid air in glorious exaltation, like some huge storm of mill-stones, or when it rains whole clouds of dogs and cats. 

The frogs, astonished, thunderstruck, forgot their notes and music, thatbefore had seemed so terrible, and drowned the cries of knightrenown, and mute in wonder heard the words of Whittington, pronouncingsolemn:--"Goblins, chimeras dire, or frogs, or whatsoe'er enchantmentthus presents in antique shape, attend and hear the words of peace; andthou, good herald, read aloud the Riot Act!"

He ceased, and dismal was the tone that softly breathed from all thefrogs in chorus, who quick had petrified with fright, unless redoubtedGog and Magog, both with poles, high topped with airy bladders by astring dependent, had not stormed against his lordship. Ever and anonthe bladders, loud resounding on his chaps, proclaimed their furyagainst all potent law, coercive mayoralty; when he, submissive, thusin cunning guile addressed the knights assailant:--"Gog, Magog, renownedand famous! what, my sons, shall you assail your father, friend, andchief confessed? Shall you, thus armed with bladders vile, attack mytitle, eminence, and pomp sublime? Subside, vile discord, and againreturn to your true 'legiance. Think, my friends, how oft your gorgeouspouch I've crammed, all calapash, green fat, and calapee. Remember howyou've feasted, stood inert for ages, until size immense you've gained. And think, how different is the service of Munchausen, where you o'erseas, cold, briny, float along the tide, eternal toiling like to slavesof Algiers and Tripoli. And ev'n on high, balloon like, through theheavens have journeyed late, upon a rainbow or some awful bridgestretched eminent, as if on earth he had not work sufficient to distressyour potent servitudes, but he should also seek in heaven dire causeof labour! Recollect, my friends, even why or wherefore should you thusassail your lawful magistrate, or why desert his livery? or for whator wherefore serve this German Lord Munchausen, who for all your labourshall alone bestow some fudge and heroic blows in war? Then cease, andthus in amity return to friendship aldermanic, bungy, brown, and sober. "

Ceased he then, right worshipful, when both the warring championsinstant stemmed their battle, and in sign of peace and unity returning, 'neath their feet reclined their weapons. Sudden at a signal eitherstamped his foot sinistrine, and the loud report of bursten bladderstunned each ear surrounding, like the roar of thunder from on highconvulsing heaven and earth. 

'Twas now upon the saddle once again the knight of Mancha rose, and inhis hand far balancing his lance, full tilt against the troops of bullsopposing run. And thou, shrill Crillitrilkril, than whom no crickete'er on hob of rural cottage, or chimney black, more gladsome turned hismerry note, e'en thou didst perish, shrieking gave the ghost in emptyair, the sport of every wind; for e'en that heart so jocund and so gaywas pierced, harsh spitted by the lance of Mancha, while undaunted thoudidst sit between the horns that crowned Mowmowsky. And now Whittingtonadvanced, 'midst armour antique and the powers Magog and Gog, andwith his rod enchanting touched the head of every frog, long mute andthunderstruck, at which, in universal chorus and salute, they sungblithe jocund, and amain advanced rebellious 'gainst my troop. 

While Sphinx, though great, gigantic, seemed instinctive base andcowardly, and at the sight of storming gingerbread, and powers, Magogand Gog, and Quixote, all against her, started fierce, o'erturning boat, balloons, and all; loud roared the bulls, hideous, and the crash ofwheels, and chaos of confusion drear, resounded far from earth toheaven. And still more fierce in charge the great Lord Whittington, from poke of ermine his famed Grimalkin took. She screamed, and harshattacked my bulls confounded; lightning-like she darted, and from halfthe troop their eyes devouring tore. Nor could the riders, cricketsthroned sublime, escape from rage, from fury less averse than cannonsmurder o'er the stormy sea. The great Mowmowsky roared amain and plungedin anguish, shunning every dart of fire-eyed fierce Grimalkin. Dire therage of warfare and contending crickets, Quixote and great Magog; whenWhittington advancing--"Good, my friends and warriors, headlong on thefoe bear down impetuous. " He spoke, and waving high the mighty rod, tipped wonderful each bull, at which more fierce the creatures bellowed, while enchantment drear devoured their vitals. And all had gone to wreckin more than mortal strife, unless, like Neptune orient from the stormydeep, I rose, e'en towering o'er the ruins of my fighting troops. Sereneand calm I stood, and gazed around undaunted; nor did aught opposeagainst my foes impetuous. But sudden from chariot purses plentifulof fudge poured forth, and scattered it amain o'er all the crowdcontending. As when old Catherine or the careful Joan doth scatter tothe chickens bits of bread and crumbs fragmented, while rejoiced theygobble fast the proffered scraps in general plenty and fraternal peace, and "hush, " she cries, "hush! hush!"

CHAPTER XXX

_The Baron arrives in England--the Colossus of Rhodes comes tocongratulate him--Great rejoicings on the Baron's return, and atremendous concert--The Baron's discourse with Fragrantia, and heropinion of the Tour to the Hebrides. _

Having arrived in England once more, the greatest rejoicings were madefor my return; the whole city seemed one general blaze of illumination, and the Colossus of Rhodes, hearing of my astonishing feats, came onpurpose to England to congratulate me on such unparalleled achievements. But above all other rejoicings on my return, the musical oratorio andsong of triumph were magnificent in the extreme. Gog and Magog wereordered to take the maiden tower of Windsor, and make a tambourine orgreat drum of it. For this purpose they extended an elephant's hide, tanned and prepared for the design, across the summit of the tower, fromparapet to parapet, so that in proportion this extended elephant's hidewas to the whole of the castle what the parchment is to a drum, in sucha manner that the whole became one great instrument of war. 

To correspond with this, Colossus took Guildhall and Westminster Abbey, and turning the foundations towards the heavens, so that the roofs ofthe edifices were upon the ground, he strung them across with brassand steel wire from side to side, and thus, when strung, they had theappearance of most noble dulcimers. He then took the great dome of St. Paul's, raising it off the earth with as much facility as you would adecanter of claret. And when once risen up it had the appearance ofa quart bottle. Colossus instantly, with his teeth, cracked offthe superior part of the cupola, and then applying his lips to theinstrument, began to sound it like a trumpet. 'Twas martial beyonddescription--_tantara!_--_tara!_--_ta!_

During the concert I walked in the park with Lady Fragrantia: she wasdressed that morning in a _chemise à la reine_. "I like, " said she, "thedew of the morning, 'tis delicate and ethereal, and, by thus bespanglingme, I think it will more approximate me to the nature of the rose [forher looks were like Aurora]; and to confirm the vermilion I shall go toSpa. " "And drink the Podhon spring?" added I, gazing at her from top totoe. "Yes, " replied the lovely Fragrantia, "with all my heart; 'tis thedrink of sweetness and delicacy. Never were there any creatures likethe water-drinkers at spa; they seem like so many thirsty blossoms ona peach-tree, that suck up the shower in the scorching heat. There isa certain something in the waters that gives vigour to the whole frame, and expands every heart with rapture and benevolence. They drink! goodgods! how they do drink! and then, how they sleep! Pray, my dear Baron, were you ever at the falls of Niagara?" "Yes, my lady, " replied I, surprised at such a strange association of ideas; "I have been, manyyears ago, at the Falls of Niagara, and found no more difficulty inswimming up and down the cataracts than I should to move a minuet. " Atthat moment she dropped her nosegay. "Ah, " said she, as I presented itto her, "there is no great variety in these polyanthuses. I do assureyou, my dear Baron, that there is taste in the selection of flowers aswell as everything else, and were I a girl of sixteen I should wear somerosebuds in my bosom, but at five-and-twenty I think it would be more_apropos_ to wear a full-blown rose, quite ripe, and ready to drop offthe stalk for want of being pulled--heigh-ho!" "But pray, my lady, " saidI, "how do you like the concert?" "Alas!" said she, languishingly, whileshe laid her hand upon my shoulder, "what are these bodiless sounds andvibration to me? and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of thenorthern part of our island:--'_Thou art gone awa' from me, Mary!_' Howpathetic and divine the little airs of Scotland and the Hebrides! Butnever, never can I think of that same Doctor Johnson--that CONSTABLE, as Fergus MacLeod calls him--but I have an idea of a great brownfull-bottomed wig and a hogshead of porter! Oh, 'twas base! to betreated everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and in returninvidiously to smellfungus them all over; to go to the country of Kateof Aberdeen, of Auld Robin Gray, 'midst rural innocence and sweetness, take up their plaids, and dance. Oh! Doctor, Doctor!"

"And what would you say, Fragrantia, if you were to write a tour tothe Hebrides?" "Peace to the heroes, " replied she, in a delicate andtheatrical tone; "peace to the heroes who sleep in the isle of Iona; thesons of the wave, and the chiefs of the dark-brown shield! The tear ofthe sympathising stranger is scattered by the wind over the hoary stonesas she meditates sorrowfully on the times of old! Such could I say, sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus. The fact is this, there isa right and wrong handle to everything, and there is more pleasure inthinking with pure nobility of heart than with the illiberal enmitiesand sarcasm of a blackguard. "

CHAPTER XXXI

_A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, &c. --A grandcourt assembled upon it--The appearance of the company--The matrons, judges, &c. --The method of writing, and the use of the fashionableamusement quizzes--Wauwau arrives from the country of Prester John, andleads the whole Assembly a wild-goose chase to the top of Plinlimmon, and thence to Virginia--The Baron meets a floating island in his voyageto America--Pursues Wauwau with his whole company through the deserts ofNorth America--His curious contrivance to seize Wauwau in a morass. _

The contention between Gog and Magog, and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, theLord Whittington, &c. , was productive of infinite litigation. All thelawyers in the kingdom were employed, to render the affair as complexand gloriously uncertain as possible; and, in fine, the whole nationbecame interested, and were divided on both sides of the question. Colossus took the part of Sphinx, and the affair was at length submittedto the decision of a grand council in a great hall, adorned with seatson every side in form of an amphitheatre. The assembly appeared the mostmagnificent and splendid in the world. A court or jury of one hundredmatrons occupied the principal and most honourable part of theamphitheatre; they were dressed in flowing robes of sky-blue velvetadorned with festoons of brilliants and diamond stars; grave andsedate-looking matrons, all in uniform, with spectacles upon theirnoses; and opposite to these were placed one hundred judges, with curlywhite wigs flowing down on each side of them to their very feet, so thatSolomon in all his glory was not so wise in appearance. At the ardentrequest of the whole empire I condescended to be the president of thecourt, and being arrayed accordingly, I took my seat beneath a canopyerected in the centre. Before every judge was placed a square inkstand, containing a gallon of ink, and pens of a proportionable size; and alsoright before him an enormous folio, so large as to serve for table andbook at the same time. But they did not make much use of their pens andink, except to blot and daub the paper; for, that they should be themore impartial, I had ordered that none but the blind should be honouredwith the employment: so that when they attempted to write anything, theyuniformly dipped their pens into the machine containing sand, and havingscrawled over a page as they thought, desiring them to dry it with sand, would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper, and thereby daubingtheir fingers, would transfer the ink to their face whenever thy leanedtheir cheek upon their hand for greater gravity. As to the matrons, to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown all manner ofintelligibility, I found it absolutely necessary to sew up their mouths;so that between the blind judges and the dumb matrons methought thetrial had a chance of being terminated sooner than it otherwise would. The matrons, instead of their tongues, had other instruments to conveytheir ideas: each of them had three quizzes, one quiz pendent from thestring that sewed up her mouth, and another quiz in either hand. Whenshe wished to express her negative, she darted and recoiled thequizzes in her right and left hand; and when she desired to express heraffirmative, she, nodding, made the quiz pendent from her mouth flowdown and recoil again. The trial proceeded in this manner for a longtime, to the admiration of the whole empire, when at length I thoughtproper to send to my old friend and ally, Prester John, entreating himto forward to me one of the species of wild and curious birds found inhis kingdom, called a Wauwau. This creature was brought over the greatbridge before mentioned, from the interior of Africa, by a balloon. Theballoon was placed upon the bridge, extending over the parapets on eachside, with great wings or oars to assist its velocity, and under theballoon was placed pendant a kind of boat, in which were the persons tomanage the steerage of the machine, and protect Wauwau. This oracularbird, arriving in England, instantly darted through one of the windowsof the great hall, and perched upon the canopy in the centre to theadmiration of all present. Her cackling appeared quite prophetic andoracular; and the first question proposed to her by the unanimousconsent of the matrons and judges was, Whether or not the moon wascomposed of green cheese? The solution of this question was deemedabsolutely necessary before they could proceed farther on the trial. 

Wauwau seemed in figure not very much differing from a swan, except thatthe neck was not near so long, and she stood after an admirable fashionlike to Vestris. She began cackling most sonorously, and the wholeassembly agreed that it was absolutely necessary to catch her, andhaving her in their immediate possession, nothing more would berequisite for the termination of this litigated affair. For this purposethe whole house rose up to catch her, and approached in tumult, thejudges brandishing their pens, and shaking their big wigs, and thematrons quizzing as much as possible in every direction, which verymuch startled Wauwau, who, clapping her wings, instantly flew out ofthe hall. The assembly began to proceed after her in order and styleof precedence, together with my whole train of Gog and Magog, Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, Queen Mab's chariot, the bulls and crickets, &c. , preceded by bands of music; while Wauwau, descending on the earth, ranon like an ostrich before the troop, cackling all the way. Thinkingsuddenly to catch this ferocious animal, the judges and matrons wouldsuddenly quicken their pace, but the creature would as quickly outrunthem, or sometimes fly away for many miles together, and then alight totake breath until we came within sight of her again. Our train journeyedover a most prodigious tract of country in a direct line, over hillsand dales, to the summit of Plinlimmon, where we thought to have seizedWauwau; but she instantly took flight, and never ceased until shearrived at the mouth of the Potomac river in Virginia. 

Our company immediately embarked in the machines before described, inwhich we had journeyed into Africa, and after a few days' sail arrivedin North America. We met with nothing curious on our voyage, except afloating island, containing some very delightful villages, inhabited bya few whites and negroes; the sugar cane did not thrive there well, onaccount, as I was informed, of the variety of the climates; the islandbeing sometimes driven up as far as the north pole, and at other timeswafted under the equinoctial. In pity to the poor islanders, I got ahuge stake of iron, and driving it through the centre of the island, fastened it to the rocks and mud at the bottom of the sea, since whichtime the island has become stationary, and is well known at present bythe name of St. Christopher's, and there is not an island in the worldmore secure. 

Arriving in North America, we were received by the President of theUnited States with every honour and politeness. He was pleased togive us all the information possible relative to the woods and immenseregions of America, and ordered troops of the different tribes of theEsquimaux to guide us through the forests in pursuit of Wauwau, who, we at length found, had taken refuge in the centre of a morass. Theinhabitants of the country, who loved hunting, were much delighted tobehold the manner in which we attempted to seize upon Wauwau; the chasewas noble and uncommon. I determined to surround the animal on everyside, and for this purpose ordered the judges and matrons to surroundthe morass with nets extending a mile in height, on various parts ofwhich net the company disposed themselves, floating in the air like somany spiders upon their cobwebs. Magog, at my command, put on a kind ofarmour that he had carried with him for the purpose, corselet ofsteel, with gauntlets, helmet, &c. , so as nearly to resemble a mole. He instantly plunged into the earth, making way with his sharp steelhead-piece, and tearing up the ground with his iron claws, and found notmuch difficulty therein, as morass in general is of a soft and yieldingtexture. Thus he hoped to undermine Wauwau, and suddenly rising, seizeher by the foot, while his brother Gog ascended the air in a balloon, hoping to catch her if she could escape Magog. Thus the animal wassurrounded on every side, and at first was very much terrified, knowingnot which way she had best to go. At length hearing an obscure noiseunder ground, Wauwau took flight before Magog could have time to catchher by the foot. She flew to the right, then to the left, north, east, west, and south, but found on every side the company prepared upon theirnets. At length she flew right up, soaring at a most astonishing ratetowards the sun, while the company on every side set up one generalacclamation. But Gog in his balloon soon stopped Wauwau in the midst ofher career, and snared her in a net, the cords of which he continued tohold in his hand. Wauwau did not totally lose her presence of mind, butafter a little consideration, made several violent darts against thevolume of the balloon; so fierce, as at length to tear open a greatspace, on which the inflammable air rushing out, the whole apparatusbegan to tumble to the earth with amazing rapidity. Gog himself wasthrown out of the vehicle, and letting go the reins of the net, Wauwaugot liberty again, and flew out of sight in an instant. 

Gog had been above a mile elevated from the earth when he began to fall, and as he advanced the rapidity increased, so that he went like a ballfrom a cannon into the morass, and his nose striking against one ofthe iron-capped hands of his brother Magog, just then rising from thedepths, he began to bleed violently, and, but for the softness of themorass, would have lost his life. 

CHAPTER XXXII

_The Baron harangues the company, and they continue the pursuit--TheBaron, wandering from his retinue, is taken by the savages, scalped, andtied to a stake to be roasted; but he contrives to extricate himself, and kills the savages--The Baron travels overland through the forests ofNorth America, to the confines of Russia--Arrives at the castle of theNareskin Rowskimowmowsky, and gallops into the kingdom of Loggerheads--Abattle, in which the Baron fights the Nareskin in single combat, andgenerously gives him his life--Arrives at the Friendly Islands, anddiscourses with Omai--The Baron, with all his attendants, goes fromOtaheite to the isthmus of Darien, and having cut a canal across theisthmus, returns to England. _

"My friends, and very learned and profound Judiciarii, " said I, "be notdisheartened that Wauwau has escaped from you at present: persevere, andwe shall yet succeed. You should never despair, Munchausen being yourgeneral; and therefore be brave, be courageous, and fortune shall secondyour endeavours. Let us advance undaunted in pursuit, and follow thefierce Wauwau even three times round the globe, until we entrap her. "

My words filled them with confidence and valour, and they unanimouslyagreed to continue the chase. We penetrated the frightful desertsand gloomy woods of America, beyond the source of the Ohio, throughcountries utterly unknown before. I frequently took the diversion ofshooting in the woods, and one day that I happened with three attendantsto wander far from our troop, we were suddenly set upon by a number ofsavages. As we had expended our powder and shot, and happened to haveno side-arms, it was in vain to make any resistance against hundredsof enemies. In short, they bound us, and made us walk before them toa gloomy cavern in a rock, where they feasted upon what game they hadkilled, but which not being sufficient, they took my three unfortunatecompanions and myself, and scalped us. The pain of losing the flesh frommy head was most horrible; it made me leap in agonies, and roar likea bull. They then tied us to stakes, and making great fires around us, began to dance in a circle, singing with much distortion and barbarity, and at times putting the palms of their hands to their mouths, set upthe war-whoop. As they had on that day also made a great prize of somewine and spirits belonging to our troop, these barbarians, finding itdelicious, and unconscious of its intoxicating quality, began to drinkit in profusion, while they beheld us roasting, and in a very shorttime they were all completely drunk, and fell asleep around the fires. Perceiving some hopes, I used most astonishing efforts to extricatemyself from the cords which I was tied, and at length succeeded. Iimmediately unbound my companions, and though half roasted, they stillhad power enough to walk. We sought about for the flesh that had beentaken off our heads, and having found the scalps, we immediately adaptedthem to our bloody heads, sticking them on with a kind of glue of asovereign quality, that flows from a tree in that country, and the partsunited and healed in a few hours. We took care to revenge ourselves onthe savages, and with their own hatchets put every one of them to death. We then returned to our troop, who had given us up for lost, and theymade great rejoicings on our return. We now proceeded in our journeythrough this prodigious wilderness, Gog and Magog acting as pioneers, hewing down the trees, &c. , at a great rate as we advanced. We passedover numberless swamps and lakes and rivers, until at length wediscovered a habitation at some distance. It appeared a dark and gloomycastle, surrounded with strong ramparts, and a broad ditch. We calleda council of war, and it was determined to send a deputation with atrumpet to the walls of the castle, and demand friendship from thegovernor, whoever he might be, and an account if aught he knew ofWauwau. For this purpose our whole caravan halted in the wood, and Gogand Magog reclined amongst the trees, that their enormous strengthand size should not be discovered, and give umbrage to the lord ofthe castle. Our embassy approached the castle, and having demandedadmittance for some time, at length the drawbridge was let down, andthey were suffered to enter. As soon as they had passed the gate it wasimmediately closed after them, and on either side they perceived ranksof halberdiers, who made them tremble with fear. "We come, " theherald proclaimed, "on the part of Hilaro Frosticos, Don Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-renowned Baron Munchausen, to claimfriendship from the governor of this puissant castle, and to seekWauwau. " "The most noble the governor, " replied the officer, "is at alltimes happy to entertain such travellers as pass through these immensedeserts, and will esteem it an honour that the great Hilaro Frosticos, Don Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-renowned Baron Munchausen, enter his castle walls. "

In short, we entered the castle. The governor sat with all our companyto table, surrounded by his friends, of a very fierce and warlikeappearance. They spoke but little, and seemed very austere and reserved, until the first course was served up. The dishes were brought in bya number of bears walking on their hind-legs, and on every dish was africassee of pistols, pistol-bullets, sauce of gunpowder, and aqua-vitæ. This entertainment seemed rather indigestible by even an ostrich'sstomach, when the governor addressed us, and informed me that it wasever his custom to strangers to offer them for the first course aservice similar to that before us; and if they were inclined to acceptthe invitation, he would fight them as much as they pleased, but ifthey could not relish the pistol-bullets, &c. , he would conclude thempeaceable, and try what better politeness he could show them in hiscastle. In short, the first course being removed untouched, we dined, and after dinner the governor forced the company to push the bottleabout with alacrity and to excess. He informed us that he was theNareskin Rowskimowmowsky, who had retired amidst these wilds, disgustedwith the court of Petersburgh. I was rejoiced to meet him; I recollectedmy old friend, whom I had known at the court of Russia, when I rejectedthe hand of the Empress. The Nareskin, with all his knights-companions, drank to an astonishing degree, and we all set off upon hobby horsesin full cry out of the castle. Never was there seen such a cavalcadebefore. In front galloped a hundred knights belonging to the castle, with hunting horns and a pack of excellent dogs; and then came theNareskin Rowskimowmowsky, Gog and Magog, Hilaro Frosticos, and yourhumble servant, hallooing and shouting like so many demoniacs, andspurring our hobby horses at an infernal rate until we arrived in thekingdom of Loggerheads. The kingdom of Loggerheads was wilder than anypart of Siberia, and the Nareskin had here built a romantic summer-housein a Gothic taste, to which he would frequently retire with his companyafter dinner. The Nareskin had a dozen bears of enormous stature thatdanced for our amusement, and their chiefs performed the _minuet de lacour_ to admiration. And here the most noble Hilaro Frosticos thoughtproper to ask the Nareskin some intelligence about Wauwau, in quest ofwhom we had travelled over such a tract of country, and encountered somany dangerous adventures, and also invited the Nareskin Rowskimowmowskyto attend us with all his bears in the expedition. The Nareskin appearedastonished at the idea; he looked with infinite hauteur and ferocity onHilaro, and affecting a violent passion asked him, "Did he imaginethat the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky could condescend to take notice ofa Wauwau, let her fly what way she would! Or did he think a chiefpossessing such blood in his veins could engage in such a foreignpursuit? By the blood and by the ashes of my great grandmother, I wouldcut off your head!"

Hilaro Frosticos resented this oration, and in short a general riotcommenced. The bears, together with the hundred knights, took thepart of the Nareskin, and Gog and Magog, Don Quixote, the Sphinx, LordWhittington, the bulls, the crickets, the judges, the matrons, andHilaro Frosticos, made noble warfare against them. 

I drew my sword, and challenged the Nareskin to single combat. Hefrowned, while his eyes sparkled fire and indignation, and bracing abuckler on his left arm, he advanced against me. I made a blow at himwith all my force, which he received upon his buckler, and my swordbroke short. 

Ungenerous Nareskin; seeing me disarmed, he still pushed forward, dealing his blows upon me with the utmost violence, which I parried withmy shield and the hilt of my broken sword, and fought like a game-cock. 

An enormous bear at the same time attacked me, but I ran my hand stillretaining the hilt of my broken sword down his throat, and tore up histongue by the roots. I then seized his carcase by the hind-legs, andwhirling it over my head, gave the Nareskin such a blow with his ownbear as evidently stunned him. I repeated my blows, knocking the bear'shead against the Nareskin's head, until, by one happy blow, I got hishead into the bear's jaws, and the creature being still somewhat aliveand convulsive, the teeth closed upon him like nutcrackers. I threw thebear from me, but the Nareskin remained sprawling, unable to extricatehis head from the bear's jaws, imploring for mercy. I gave the wretchhis life: a lion preys not upon carcases. 

At the same time my troop had effectually routed the bears and the restof their adversaries. I was merciful, and ordered quarter to be given. 

At that moment I perceived Wauwau flying at a great height through theheavens, and we instantly set out in pursuit of her, and never stoppeduntil we arrived at Kamschatka; thence we passed to Otaheite. I met myold acquaintance Omai, who had been in England with the great navigator, Cook, and I was glad to find he had established Sunday schools overall the islands. I talked to him of Europe, and his former voyage toEngland. "Ah!" said he, most emphatically, "the English, the cruelEnglish, to murder me with goodness, and refine upon my torture--took meto Europe, and showed me the court of England, the delicacy of exquisitelife; they showed me gods, and showed me heaven, as if on purpose tomake me feel the loss of them. "

From these islands we set out, attended by a fleet of canoes withfighting-stages and the chiefest warriors of the islands, commanded byOmai. Thus the chariot of Queen Mab, my team of bulls and the crickets, the ark, the Sphinx, and the balloons, with Hilaro Frosticos, Gog andMagog, Lord Whittington, and the Lord Mayor's show, Don Quixote, &c. , with my fleet of canoes, altogether cut a very formidable appearance onour arrival at the Isthmus of Darien. Sensible of what general benefitit would be to mankind, I immediately formed a plan of cutting a canalacross the isthmus from sea to sea. 

For this purpose I drove my chariot with the greatest impetuosityrepeatedly from shore to shore, in the same track, tearing up the rocksand earth thereby, and forming a tolerable bed for the water. Gog andMagog next advanced at the head of a million of people from the realmsof North and South America, and from Europe, and with infinite labourcleared away the earth, &c. , that I had ploughed up with my chariot. I then again drove my chariot, making the canal wider and deeper, andordered Gog and Magog to repeat their labour as before. The canal beinga quarter of a mile broad, and three hundred yards in depth, I thoughtit sufficient, and immediately let in the waters of the sea. I didimagine, that from the rotatory motion of the earth on its axis fromwest to east the sea would be higher on the eastern than the westerncoast, and that on the uniting of the two seas there would be a strongcurrent from the east, and it happened just as I expected. The sea camein with tremendous magnificence, and enlarged the bounds of the canal, so as to make a passage of some miles broad from ocean to ocean, andmake an island of South America. Several sail of trading vessels andmen-of-war sailed through this new channel to the South Seas, China, &c. , and saluted me with all their cannon as they passed. 

I looked through my telescope at the moon, and perceived thephilosophers there in great commotion. They could plainly discern thealteration on the surface of our globe, and thought themselves somehowinterested in the enterprise of their fellow-mortals in a neighbouringplanet. They seemed to think it admirable that such little beings aswe men should attempt so magnificent a performance, that would beobservable even in a separate world. 

Thus having wedded the Atlantic Ocean to the South Sea, I returned toEngland, and found Wauwau precisely in the very spot whence she had setout, after having led us a chase all round the world. 

CHAPTER XXXIII

_The Baron goes to Petersburgh, and converses with the Empress--Persuades the Russians and Turks to cease cutting one another's throats, and in concert cut a canal across the Isthmus of Suez--TheBaron discovers the Alexandrine Library, and meets with HermesTrismegistus--Besieges Seringapatam, and challenges Tippoo Sahib tosingle combat--They fight--The Baron receives some wounds to his face, but at last vanquishes the tyrant--The Baron returns to Europe, andraises the hull of the "Royal George. "_

Seized with a fury of canal-cutting, I took it in my head to form animmediate communication between the Mediterranean and the Red Sea, andtherefore set out for Petersburgh. 

The sanguinary ambition of the Empress would not listen to my proposals, until I took a private opportunity, taking a cup of coffee with herMajesty, to tell her that I would absolutely sacrifice myself for thegeneral good of mankind, and if she would accede to my proposals, would, on the completion of the canal, _ipso facto_, give her my hand inmarriage!

"My dear, dear Baron, " said she, "I accede to everything you please, andagree to make peace with the Porte on the conditions you mention. And, "added she, rising with all the majesty of the Czarina, Empress ofhalf the world, "be it known to all subjects, that We ordain theseconditions, for such is our royal will and pleasure. "

I now proceeded to the Isthmus of Suez, at the head of a million ofRussian pioneers, and there united my forces with a million of Turks, armed with shovels and pickaxes. They did not come to cut each other'sthroats, but for their mutual interest, to facilitate commerce andcivilisation, and pour all the wealth of India by a new channel intoEurope. "My brave fellows, " said I, "consider the immense labour of theChinese to build their celebrated wall; think of what superior benefitto mankind is our present undertaking; persevere, and fortune willsecond your endeavours. Remember it is Munchausen who leads you on, andbe convinced of success. "

Saying these words, I drove my chariot with all my might in my formertrack, that vestige mentioned by the Baron de Tott, and when I wasadvanced considerably, I felt my chariot sinking under me. I attemptedto drive on, but the ground, or rather immense vault, giving way, mychariot and all went down precipitately. Stunned by the fall, it wassome moments before I could recollect myself, when at length, to myamazement, I perceived myself fallen into the Alexandrine Library, overwhelmed in an ocean of books; thousands of volumes came tumblingon my head amidst the ruins of that part of the vault through which mychariot had descended, and for a time buried my bulls and all beneath aheap of learning. However, I contrived to extricate myself, and advancedwith awful admiration through the vast avenues of the library. Iperceived on every side innumerable volumes and repositories of ancientlearning, and all the science of the Antediluvian world. Here I met withHermes Trismegistus, and a parcel of old philosophers debating upon thepolitics and learning of their days. I gave them inexpressible delightin telling them, in a few words, all the discoveries of Newton, and thehistory of the world since their time. These gentry, on the contrary, told me a thousand stories of antiquity that some of our antiquarianswould give their very eyes to hear. 

In short, I ordered the library to be preserved, and I intend making apresent of it, as soon as it arrives in England, to the Royal Society, together with Hermes Trismegistus, and half a dozen old philosophers. I have got a beautiful cage made, in which I keep these extraordinarycreatures, and feed them with bread and honey, as they seem to believein a kind of doctrine of transmigration, and will not touch flesh. Hermes Trismegistus especially is a most antique looking being, with abeard half a yard long, covered with a robe of golden embroidery, andprates like a parrot. He will cut a very brilliant figure in the Museum. 

Having made a track with my chariot from sea to sea, I ordered my Turksand Russians to begin, and in a few hours we had the pleasure of seeinga fleet of British East Indiamen in full sail through the canal. Theofficers of this fleet were very polite, and paid me every applause andcongratulation my exploits could merit. They told me of their affairs inIndia, and the ferocity of that dreadful warrior, Tippoo Sahib, on whichI resolved to go to India and encounter the tyrant. I travelled down theRed Sea to Madras, and at the head of a few Sepoys and Europeans pursuedthe flying army of Tippoo to the gates of Seringapatam. I challenged himto mortal combat, and, mounted on my steed, rode up to the walls of thefortress amidst a storm of shells and cannon-balls. As fast as the bombsand cannon-balls came upon me, I caught them in my hands like somany pebbles, and throwing them against the fortress, demolished thestrongest ramparts of the place. I took my mark so direct, that wheneverI aimed a cannon-ball or a shell at any person on the ramparts I wassure to hit him: and one time perceiving a tremendous piece of artillerypointed against me, and knowing the ball must be so great it wouldcertainly stun me, I took a small cannon-ball, and just as I perceivedthe engineer going to order them to fire, and opening his mouth to givethe word of command, I took aim and drove my ball precisely down histhroat. 

Tippoo, fearing that all would be lost, that a general and successfulstorm would ensue if I continued to batter the place, came forth uponhis elephant to fight me; I saluted him, and insisted he should firefirst. 

Tippoo, though a barbarian, was not deficient in politeness, anddeclined the compliment; upon which I took off my hat, and bowing, toldhim it was an advantage Munchausen should never be said to accept fromso gallant a warrior: on which Tippoo instantly discharged his carbine, the ball from which, hitting my horse's ear, made him plunge with rageand indignation. In return I discharged my pistol at Tippoo, and shotoff his turban. He had a small field-piece mounted with him on hiselephant, which he then discharged at me, and the grape-shot coming in ashower, rattled in the laurels that covered and shaded me all over, andremained pendant like berries on the branches. I then, advancing, tookthe proboscis of his elephant, and turning it against the rider, struckhim repeatedly with the extremity of it on either side of the head, until I at length dismounted him. Nothing could equal the rage of thebarbarian finding himself thrown from his elephant. He rose in a fit ofdespair, and rushed against my steed and myself: but I scorned to fighthim at so great a disadvantage on his side, and directly dismounted tofight him hand to hand. Never did I fight with any man who bore himselfmore nobly than this adversary; he parried my blows, and dealt home hisown in return with astonishing precision. The first blow of his sabreI received upon the bridge of my nose, and but for the bony firmness ofthat part of my face, it would have descended to my mouth. I still bearthe mark upon my nose. 

He next made a furious blow at my head, but I, parrying, deadened theforce of his sabre, so that I received but one scar on my forehead, andat the same instant, by a blow of my sword, cut off his arm, and hishand and sabre fell to the earth; he tottered for some paces, anddropped at the foot of his elephant. That sagacious animal, seeing thedanger of his master, endeavoured to protect him by flourishing hisproboscis round the head of the Sultan. 

Fearless I advanced against the elephant, desirous to take alive thehaughty Tippoo Sahib; but he drew a pistol from his belt, and dischargedit full in my face as I rushed upon him, which did me no further harmthan wound my cheek-bone, which disfigures me somewhat under my lefteye. I could not withstand the rage and impulse of that moment, and withone blow of my sword separated his head from his body. 

I returned overland from India to Europe with admirable velocity, sothat the account of Tippoo's defeat by me has not as yet arrived by theordinary passage, nor can you expect to hear of it for a considerabletime. I simply relate the encounter as it happened between the Sultanand me; and if there be any one who doubts the truth of what I say, heis an infidel, and I will fight him at any time and place, and with anyweapon he pleases. 

Hearing so many persons talk about raising the "Royal George, " I beganto take pity on that fine old ruin of British plank, and determined tohave her up. I was sensible of the failure of the various means hithertoemployed for the purpose, and therefore inclined to try a methoddifferent from any before attempted. I got an immense balloon, made ofthe toughest sail-cloth, and having descended in my diving-bell, andproperly secured the hull with enormous cables, I ascended to thesurface, and fastened my cables to the balloon. Prodigious multitudeswere assembled to behold the elevation of the "Royal George, " and assoon as I began to fill my balloon with inflammable air the vesselevidently began to move: but when my balloon was completely filled, shecarried up the "Royal George" with the greatest rapidity. The vesselappearing on the surface occasioned a universal shout of triumph fromthe millions assembled on the occasion. Still the balloon continuedascending, trailing the hull after like a lantern at the tail of a kite, and in a few minutes appeared floating among the clouds. 

It was then the opinion of many philosophers that it would be moredifficult to get her down then it had been to draw her up. But Iconvinced them to the contrary by taking my aim so exactly with atwelve-pounder, that I brought her down in an instant. 

I considered, that if I should break the balloon with a cannon-ballwhile she remained with the vessel over the land, the fall wouldinevitable occasion the destruction of the hull, and which, in its fall, might crush some of the multitude; therefore I thought it safer totake my aim when the balloon was over the sea, and pointing mytwelve-pounder, drove the ball right through the balloon, on which theinflammable air rushed out with great force, and the "Royal George"descended like a falling star into the very spot from whence she hadbeen taken. There she still remains, and I have convinced all Europe ofthe possibility of taking her up. 

CHAPTER XXXIV

_The Baron makes a speech to the National Assembly, and drives out allthe members--Routs the fishwomen and the National Guards--Pursues thewhole rout into a Church, where he defeats the National Assembly, &c. , with Rousseau, Voltaire, and Beelzebub at their head, and liberatesMarie Antoinette and the Royal Family. _

Passing through Switzerland on my return from India, I was informedthat several of the German nobility had been deprived of the honoursand immunities of their French estates. I heard of the sufferings ofthe amiable Marie Antoinette, and swore to avenge every look that hadthreatened her with insult. I went to the cavern of these Anthropophagi, assembled to debate, and gracefully putting the hilt of my sword to mylips--"I swear, " cried I, "by the sacred cross of my sword, that if youdo not instantly reinstate your king and his nobility, and your injuredqueen, I will cut the one half of you to pieces. "

On which the President, taking up a leaden inkstand, flung it at myhead. I stooped to avoid the blow, and rushing to the tribunal seizedthe Speaker, who was fulminating against the Aristocrats, and taking thecreature by one leg, flung him at the President. I laid about me mostnobly, drove them all out of the house, and locking the doors put thekey in my pocket. 

I then went to the poor king, and making my obeisance to him--"Sire, "said I, "your enemies have all fled. I alone am the National Assembly atpresent, and I shall register your edicts to recall the princes andthe nobility; and in future, if your majesty pleases, I will beyour Parliament and Council. " He thanked me, and the amiable MarieAntoinette, smiling, gave me her hand to kiss. 

At that moment I perceived a party of the National Assembly, who hadrallied with the National Guards, and a vast procession of fishwomen, advancing against me. I deposited their Majesties in a place ofsafety, and with my drawn sword advanced against my foes. Three hundredfishwomen, with bushes dressed with ribbons in their hands, camehallooing and roaring against me like so many furies. I scorned todefile my sword with their blood, but seized the first that came up, andmaking her kneel down I knighted her with my sword, which so terrifiedthe rest that they all set up a frightful yell and ran away as fast asthey could for fear of being aristocrated by knighthood. 

As to the National Guards and the rest of the Assembly, I soon put themto flight; and having made prisoners of some of them, compelled them totake down their national, and put the old royal cockade in its place. 

I then pursued the enemy to the top of a hill, where a most nobleedifice dazzled my sight; noble and sacred it was but now convertedto the vilest purposes, their monument _de grands hommes_, a Christianchurch that these Saracens had perverted into abomination. I burst openthe doors, and entered sword in hand. Here I observed all the NationalAssembly marching round a great altar erected to Voltaire; there washis statue in triumph, and the fishwomen with garlands decking it, andsinging "Ca ira!" I could bear the sight no longer; but rushed uponthese pagans, and sacrificed them by dozens on the spot. The membersof the Assembly, and the fishwomen, continued to invoke their greatVoltaire, and all their masters in this monument _de grands hommes_, imploring them to come down and succour them against the Aristocrats andthe sword of Munchausen. Their cries were horrible, like the shrieksof witches and enchanters versed in magic and the black art, whilethe thunder growled, and storms shook the battlements, and Rousseau, Voltaire, and Beelzebub appeared, three horrible spectres; one allmeagre, mere skin and bone, and cadaverous, seemed death, that hideousskeleton; it was Voltaire, and in his hand were a lyre and a dagger. Onthe other side was Rousseau, with a chalice of sweet poison in his hand, and between them was their father Beelzebub!

I shuddered at the sight, and with all the enthusiasm of rage, horror, and piety, rushed in among them. I seized that cursed skeleton Voltaire, and soon compelled him to renounce all the errors he had advanced;and while he spoke the words, as if by magic charm, the whole assemblyshrieked, and the pandemonium began to tumble in hideous ruin on theirheads. 

I returned in triumph to the palace, where the Queen rushed into myarms, weeping tenderly. "Ah, thou flower of nobility, " cried she, "wereall the nobles of France like thee, we should never have been brought tothis!"

I bade the lovely creature dry her eyes, and with the King and Dauphinascend my carriage, and drive post to Mont-Medi, as not an instant wasto be lost. They took my advice and drove away. I conveyed them withina few miles of Mont-Medi, when the King, thanking me for my assistance, hoped I would not trouble myself any farther, as he was then, hepresumed, out of danger; and the Queen also, with tears in her eyes, thanked me on her knees, and presented the Dauphin for my blessing. Inshort, I left the King eating a mutton chop. I advised him not to delay, or he would certainly be taken, and setting spurs to my horse, wishedthem a good evening, and returned to England. If the King remained toolong at table, and was taken, it was not my fault.