THE SATYRICON OF PETRONIUS ARBITER

 Complete and unexpurgated translation by W. C. Firebaugh, in which are incorporated the forgeries of Nodot and Marchena, and the readings introduced into the text by De Salas. 

BRACKET CODE: (Forgeries of Nodot) [Forgeries of Marchena] {Additions of De Salas} DW

VOLUME 5. --AFFAIRS AT CROTONA

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIFTH. 

For a long time affairs at Crotona ran along in this manner and Eumolpus, flushed with success so far forgot the former state of his fortunes thathe even bragged to his followers that no one could hold out against anywish of his, and that any member of his suite who committed a crimein that city would, through the influence of his friends, get offunpunished. But, although I daily crammed my bloated carcass tooverflowing with good things, and began more and more to believe thatFortune had turned away her face from keeping watch upon me, I frequentlymeditated, nevertheless, upon my present state and upon its cause. "Suppose, " thought I, "some wily legacy hunter should dispatch an agentto Africa and catch us in our lie? Or even suppose the hireling servant, glutted with prosperity, should tip off his cronies or give the wholescheme away out of spite? There would be nothing for it but flight and, in a fresh state of destitution, a recalling of poverty which had beendriven off. Gods and goddesses, how ill it fares with those livingoutside the law; they are always on the lookout for what is coming tothem!" (Turning these possibilities over in my mind I left the house, ina state of black melancholy, hoping to revive my spirits in the freshair, but scarcely had I set foot upon the public promenade when a girl, by no means homely, met me, and, calling me Polyaenos, the name I hadassumed since my metamorphosis, informed me that her mistress desiredleave to speak with me. "You must be mistaken, " I answered, inconfusion, "I am only a servant and a stranger, and am by no means worthyof such an honor. ")

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SIXTH. 

("You yourself, " she replied, "are the one to whom I was sent but, )because you are well aware of your good looks, you are proud and sellyour favors instead of giving them. What else can those wavy well-combedlocks mean or that face, rouged and covered with cosmetics, or thatlanguishing, wanton expression in your eyes? Why that gait, so precisethat not a footstep deviates from its place, unless you wish to show offyour figure in order to sell your favors? Look at me, I know nothingabout omens and I don't study the heavens like the astrologers, but I canread men's intentions in their faces and I know what a flirt is afterwhen I see him out for a stroll; so if you'll sell us what I want there'sa buyer ready, but if you will do the graceful thing and lend, let us beunder obligations to you for the favor. And as for your confession thatyou are only a common servant, by that you only fan the passion of thelady who burns for you, for some women will only kindle for canaille andcannot work up an appetite unless they see some slave or runner with hisclothing girded up: a gladiator arouses one, or a mule-driver all coveredwith dust, or some actor posturing in some exhibition on the stage. Mymistress belongs to this class, she jumps the fourteen rows from thestage to the gallery and looks for a lover among the gallery gods at theback. " Puffed up with this delightful chatter. "Come now, confess, won'tyou, " I queried, "is this lady who loves me yourself?" The waiting maidsmiled broadly at this blunt speech. "Don't have such a high opinion ofyourself, " said she, "I've never given in to any servant yet; the godsforbid that I should ever throw my arms around a gallows-bird. Let themarried women see to that and kiss the marks of the scourge if they like:I'll sit upon nothing below a knight, even if I am only a servant. " Icould not help marveling, for my part, at such discordant passions, and Ithought it nothing short of a miracle that this servant should possessthe hauteur of the mistress and the mistress the low tastes of the wench!

 Each one will find what suits his taste, one thing is not for all, One gathers roses as his share, another thorns enthrall. 

After a little more teasing, I requested the maid to conduct her mistressto a clump of plane trees. Pleased with this plan, the girl picked upthe skirt of her garment and turned into a laurel grove that bordered thepath. After a short delay she brought her mistress from her hiding-placeand conducted her to my side; a woman more perfect than any statue. There are no words with which to describe her form and anything I couldsay would fall far short. Her hair, naturally wavy, flowed completelyover her shoulders; her forehead was low and the roots of her hair werebrushed back from it; her eyebrows, running from the very springs of hercheeks, almost met at the boundary line between a pair of eyes brighterthan stars shining in a moonless night; her nose was slightly aquilineand her mouth was such an one as Praxiteles dreamed Diana had. Her chin, her neck, her hands, the gleaming whiteness of her feet under a slenderband of gold; she turned Parian marble dull! Then, for the first time, Doris' tried lover thought lightly of Doris!

 Oh Jove, what's come to pass that thou, thine armor cast away Art mute in heaven; and but an idle tale? At such a time the horns should sprout, the raging bull hold sway, Or they white hair beneath swan's down conceal Here's Dana's self! But touch that lovely form Thy limbs will melt beneath thy passions' storm!

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVENTH. 

She was delighted and so be witchingly did she smile that I seemed to seethe full moon showing her face from behind a cloud. Then, punctuatingher words with her fingers, "Dear boy, if you are not too critical toenjoy a woman of wealth who has but this year known her first man, Ioffer you a sister, " said she. "You have a brother already, I know, forI didn't disdain to ask, but what is to prevent your adopting a sister, too? I will come in on the same footing only deem my kisses worthy ofrecognition and caress me at your own pleasure!" "Rather let me imploreyou by your beauty, " I replied. "Do not scorn to admit an alien amongyour worshipers: If you permit me to kneel before your shrine you willfind me a true votary and, that you may not think I approach this templeof love without a gift, I make you a present of my brother!" "What, " sheexclaimed, "would you really sacrifice the only one without whom youcould not live'? The one upon whose kisses your happiness depends. Himwhom you love as I would have you love me?" Such sweetness permeated hervoice as she said this, so entrancing was the sound upon the listeningair that you would have believed the Sirens' harmonies were floating inthe breeze. I was struck with wonder and dazzled by I know not whatlight that shone upon me, brighter than the whole heaven, but I madebold to inquire the name of my divinity. "Why, didn't my maid tell youthat I am called Circe?" she replied. "But I am not the sun-child norhas my mother ever stayed the revolving world in its course at herpleasure; but if the Fates bring us two together I will owe heaven afavor. I don't know what it is, but some god's silent purpose is beneaththis. Circe loves not Polyaenos without some reason; a great torch isalways flaming when these names meet! Take me in your arms then, if youwill; there's no prying stranger to fear, and your 'brother' is far awayfrom this spot!" So saying, Circe clasped me in arms that were softerthan down and drew me to the ground which was covered with coloredflowers. 

 With flowers like these did Mother Earth great Ida's summit strew When Jupiter, his heart aflame, enjoyed his lawful love; There glowed the rose, the flowering rush, the violet's deep blue, From out green meadows snow-white lilies laughed. Then from above, This setting summoned Venus to the green and tender sod, Bright day smiled kindly on the secret amour of the God. 

Side by side upon the grassy plot we lay, exchanging a thousand kisses, the prelude to more poignant pleasure, (but alas! My sudden loss ofvigor disappointed Circe!)

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT. 

(Infuriated at this affront, ) "What's the matter, " demanded she; "do mykisses offend you? Is my breath fetid from fasting? Is there any evilsmelling perspiration in my armpits? Or, if it's nothing of this kind, are you afraid of Giton?" Under her eyes, I flushed hotly and, if I hadany virility left, I lost it then; my whole body seemed to be inert. "Myqueen, " I cried, "do not mock me in my humiliation. I am bewitched!"(Circe's anger was far from being appeased by such a trivial excuse;turning her eyes contemptuously away from me, she looked at her maid, )"Tell me, Chrysis, and tell me truly, is there anything repulsive aboutme? Anything sluttish? Have I some natural blemish that disfigures mybeauty? Don't deceive your mistress! I don't know what's the matterwith us, but there must be something!" Then she snatched a mirror fromthe silent maid and after scrutinizing all the looks and smiles whichpass between lovers, she shook out her wrinkled earth-stained robe andflounced off into the temple of Venus (nearby. ) And here was I, like aconvicted criminal who had seen some horrible nightmare, asking myselfwhether the pleasure out of which I had been cheated was a reality oronly a dream. 

 As when, in the sleep-bringing night Dreams sport with the wandering eyes, And earth, spaded up, yields to light Her gold that by day she denies, The stealthy hand snatches the spoils; The face with cold sweat is suffused And Fear grips him tight in her toils Lest robbers the secret have used And shake out the gold from his breast. But, when they depart from his brain, These enchantments by which he's obsessed, And Truth comes again with her train Restoring perspective and pain, The phantasm lives to the last, The mind dwells with shades of the past. 

(The misfortune seemed to me a dream, but I imagined that I must surelybe under a spell of enchantment and, for a long time, I was so devoid ofstrength that I could not get to my feet. But finally my mentaldepression began to abate, little by little my strength came back to me, and I returned home: arrived there, I feigned illness and threw myselfupon my couch. A little late: Giton, who had heard of my indisposition, entered the room in some concern. As I wished to relieve his mind Iinformed him that I had merely sought my pallet to take a rest, tellinghim much other gossip but not a word about my mishap as I stood in greatfear of his jealousy and, to lull any suspicion which he might entertain, I drew him to my side and endeavoured to give him some proofs of my lovebut all my panting and sweating were in vain. He jumped up in a rage andaccused my lack of virility and change of heart, declaring that he hadfor a long time suspected that I had been expending my vigor and breathelsewhere. "No! No! Darling, " I replied, "my love for you has alwaysbeen the same, but reason prevails now over love and wantonness. ") "Andfor the Socratic continence of your love, I thank you in his name, " (hereplied sarcastically, ) "Alcibiades was never more spotless when he lefthis master's bed!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-NINTH. 

"Believe me, 'brother, ' when I tell you that I do not know whether I am aman or not, " (I vainly protested;) "I do not feel like one, if I am!Dead and buried lies that part in which I was once an Achilles!" (Giton, seeing that I was completely enervated, and) fearing that it might givecause for scandal if he were caught in this quiet place with me, torehimself away and fled into an inner part of the house. (He had just gonewhen) Chrysis entered the room and handed me her mistress's tablets, inwhich were written the following words:

 CIRCE TO POLYIENOS-GREETING. 

 Were I a wanton, I should complain of my disappointment, but as it is I am beholden to your impotence, for by it I dallied the longer in the shadow of pleasure. Still, I would like to know how you are and whether you got home upon your own legs, for the doctors say that one cannot walk without nerves! Young man, I advise you to beware of paralysis for I never in my life saw a patient in such great danger; you're as good as dead, I'm sure! What if the same numbness should attack your hands and knees? You would have to send for the funeral trumpeters! Still, even if I have been affronted, I will not begrudge a prescription to one as sick as you! Ask Giton if you would like to recover. I am sure you will get back your strength if you will sleep without your "brother" for three nights. So far as I am concerned, I am not in the least alarmed about finding someone to whom I shall be as pleasing as I was to you; my mirror and my reputation do not lie. 

 Farewell (if you can). 

"Such things will happen, " said Chrysis, when she saw that I had readthrough the entire inditement, "and especially in this city, where thewomen can lure the moon from the sky! But we'll find a cure for yourtrouble. Just return a diplomatic answer to my mistress and restore herself-esteem by frank courtesy for, truth to tell, she has never beenherself from the minute she received that affront. " I gladly followedthe maid's advice and wrote upon the tablets as follows:

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTIETH. 

 POLYAENOS TO CIRCE--GREETING. 

 Dear lady, I confess that I have often given cause for offense, for I am only a man, and a young one, too, but I never committed a deadly crime until today! You have my confession of guilt, I deserve any punishment you may see fit to prescribe. I betrayed a trust, I murdered a man, I violated a temple: demand my punishment for these crimes. Should it be your pleasure to slay me I will come to you with my sword; if you are content with a flogging I will run naked to my mistress; only bear in mind that it was not myself but my tools that failed me. I was a soldier, and ready, but I had no arms. What threw me into such disorder I do not know, perhaps my imagination outran my lagging body, by aspiring to too much it is likely that I spent my pleasure in delay; I cannot imagine what the trouble was. You bid me beware of paralysis; as if a disease which prevented my enjoying you could grow worse! But my apology amounts briefly to this; if you will grant me an opportunity of repairing my fault, I will give you satisfaction. Farewell

After dismissing Chrysis with these fair promises, I paid carefulattention to my body which had so evilly served me and, omitting thebath, I annointed myself, in moderation, with unguents and placed myselfupon a more strengthening diet such as onions and snail's heads withoutcondiments, and I also drank more sparingly of wine; then, taking a shortwalk before settling down to sleep, I went to bed without Giton. Soanxious was I to please her that I feared the outcome if my "brother" laytickling my side. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIRST. 

Finding myself vigorous in mind and body when I arose next morning, Iwent down to the same clump of plane trees, though I dreaded the spot asone of evil omen, and commenced to wait for Chrysis to lead me on my way. I took a short stroll and had just seated myself where I had sat the daybefore, when she came under the trees, leading a little old woman by thehand. "Well, Mr. Squeamish, " she chirped, when she had greeted me, "haveyou recovered your appetite?" In the meantime, the old hag:

 A wine-soaked crone with twitching lips

brought out a twisted hank of different colored yarns and put it about myneck; she then kneaded dust and spittle and, dipping her middle fingerinto the mixture, she crossed my forehead with it, in spite of myprotests. 

 As long as life remains, there's hope; Thou rustic God, oh hear our prayer, Great Priapus, I thee invoke, Temper our arms to dare!

When she had made an end of this incantation she ordered me to spit threetimes, and three times to drop stones into my bosom, each stone shewrapped up in purple after she had muttered charms over it; then, directing her hands to my privates, she commenced to try out my virility. Quicker than thought the nerves responded to the summons, filling thecrone's hand with an enormous erection! Skipping for joy, "Look, Chrysis, look, " she cried out, "see what a hare I've started, for someoneelse to course!" (This done, the old lady handed me over to Chrysis, whowas greatly delighted at the recovery of her mistress's treasure; shehastily conducted me straight to the latter, introducing me into a lovelynook that nature had furnished with everything which could delight theeye. )

 Shorn of its top, the swaying pine here casts a summer shade And quivering cypress, and the stately plane And berry-laden laurel. A brook's wimpling waters strayed Lashed into foam, but dancing on again And rolling pebbles in their chattering flow. 'Twas Love's own nook, As forest nightingale and urban Procne undertook To bear true witness; hovering, the gleaming grass above And tender violets; wooing with song, their stolen love. 

Fanning herself with a branch of flowering myrtle, she lay, stretched outwith her marble neck resting upon a golden cushion. When she caughtsight of me she blushed faintly; she recalled yesterday's affront, Isuppose. At her invitation, I sat down by her side, as soon as theothers had gone; whereupon she put the branch of myrtle over my face andemboldened, as if a wall had been raised between us, "Well, Mr. Paralytic, " she teased, "have you brought all of yourself along today?""Why ask me, " I replied, "why not try me instead?" and throwing myselfbodily into her arms, I revelled in her kisses with no witchcraft to stopme. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SECOND. 

The loveliness of her form drew me to her and summoned me to love. Ourlips were pressed together in a torrent of smacking kisses, our gropinghands had discovered every trick of excitation, and our bodies, claspedin a mutual embrace, had fused our souls into one, (and then, in the verymidst of these ravishing preliminaries my nerves again played me falseand I was unable to last until the instant of supreme bliss. ) Lashed tofury by these inexcusable affronts, the lady at last ran to avengeherself and, calling her house servants, she gave orders for me to behoisted upon their shoulders and flogged; then, still unsatisfied withthe drastic punishment she had inflicted upon me, she called all thespinning women and scrubbing wenches in the house and ordered them tospit upon me. I covered my face with my hands but I uttered no complaintas I well knew what I deserved and, overwhelmed with blows and spittle, Iwas driven from the house. Proselenos was kicked out too, Chrysis wasbeaten, and all the slaves grumbled among themselves and wondered whathad upset their mistress's good humor. I took heart after having givensome thought to my misfortunes and, artfully concealing the marks of theblows for fear that Eumolpus would make merry over my mishaps or, worseyet, that Giton might be saddened by my disgrace, I did the only thing Icould do to save my self-respect, I pretended that I was sick and went tobed. There, I turned the full fury of my resentment against thatrecreant which had been the sole cause of all the evil accidents whichhad befallen me. 

 Three times I grasped the two-edged blade The recreant to cut away; Three times by Fear my hand was stayed And palsied Terror said me nay That which I might have done before 'Twas now impossible to do; For, cold with Fear, the wretch withdrew Into a thousand-wrinkled mare, And shrank in shame before my gaze Nor would his head uncover more. But though the scamp in terror skulked, With words I flayed him as he sulked. 

Raising myself upon my elbow I rebuked the shirker in some such terms asthese: "What have you to say for yourself, you disgrace to gods and men, "I demanded, "for your name must never be mentioned among refined people. Did I deserve to be lifted up to heaven and then dragged down to hell byyou? Was it right for you to slander my flourishing and vigorous yearsand land me in the shadows and lassitude of decrepit old age? Give mesome sign, however faint, I beg of you, that you have returned to life!"I vented my anger in words such as these. 

 His eyes were fixed, and with averted look He stood, less moved by any word of mine Than weeping willows bending o'er a brook Or drooping poppies as at noon they pine. 

When I had made an end of this invective, so out of keeping with goodtaste, I began to do penance for my soliloquy and blushed furtivelybecause I had so far forgotten my modesty as to invoke in words that partof my body which men of dignity do not even recognize. Then, rubbing myforehead for a long time, "Why have I committed an indiscretion inrelieving my resentment by natural abuse, " I mused, "what does it amountto? Are we not accustomed to swear at every member of the human body, the belly, throat, or even the head when it aches, as it often does? Didnot Ulysses wrangle with his own heart? Do not the tragedians 'Damntheir eyes' just as if they could hear?

"Gouty patients swear at their feet, rheumatics at their hands, blear-eyedpeople at their eyes, and do not those who often stub their toes blametheir feet for all their pain?

 "Why will our Catos with their frowning brows Condemn a work of fresh simplicity'? A cheerful kindness my pure speech endows; What people do, I write, to my capacity. For who knows not the pleasures Venus gives? Who will not in a warm bed tease his members? Great Epicurus taught a truth that lives; Love and enjoy life! All the rest is embers. 

"Nothing can be more insincere than the silly prejudices of mankind, andnothing sillier than the morality of bigotry, "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THIRD. 

I called Giton when I had finished my meditation: "Tell me, littlebrother, " I demanded, "tell me, on your honor: Did Ascyltos stay awakeuntil he had exacted his will of you, the night he stole you away fromme? Or was he content to spend the night like a chaste widow?" Wipinghis eyes the lad, in carefully chosen words took oath that Ascyltos hadused no force against him. (The truth of the matter is, that I was sodistraught with my own misfortunes that I knew not what I was saying. "Why recall past memories which can only cause pain, " said I to myself. I then directed all my energies towards the recovery of my lost manhood. To achieve this I was ready even to devote myself to the gods;accordingly, I went out to invoke the aid of Priapus. ) {Putting as good aface upon the matter as I could} I knelt upon the threshold of his shrineand invoked the God in the following verses:

 "Of Bacchus and the nymphs, companion boon, Whom fair Dione set o'er forests wide As God: whom Lesbos and green Thasos own For deity, whom Lydians, far and wide Adore through all the seasons of the year; Whose temple in his own Hypaepa placed, Thou Dryad's joy and Bacchus', hear my prayer! To thee I come, by no dark blood disgraced, No shrine, in wicked lust have I profaned; When I was poor and worn with want, I sinned Not by intent, a pauper's sin's not banned As of another! Unto thee I pray Lift thou the load from off my tortured mind, Forgive a light offense! When fortune smiles I'll not thy glory shun and leave behind Thy worship! Unto thee, a goat that feels His primest vigor, father of the flocks Shall come! And suckling pigs, the tender young Of some fine grunting sow! New wine, in crocks Shall foam! Thy grateful praises shall be sung By youths who thrice shall dance around thy shrine Happy, in youth and full of this year's wine!"

While I was engaged in this diplomatic effort in behalf of the affectedmember, a hideous crone with disheveled hair, and clad in black garmentswhich were in great disorder, entered the shrine and, laying hands uponme, led me {thoroughly frightened, } out into the portico. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOURTH. 

"What witches" (she cried, ) "have devoured your manhood? What filth didyou tread upon at some crossroads, in the dark? Not even by the boycould you do your duty but, weak and effeminate, you are worn out like acart-horse at a hill, you have lost both labor and sweat! Not contentwith getting yourself into trouble, you have stirred up the wrath of thegods against me {and I will make you smart for it. "} She then led me, unresisting, back into the priestess's room, pushed me down upon the bed, snatched a cane that hung upon the door, and gave me another thrashing:I remained silent and, had the cane not splintered at the first stroke, thereby diminishing the force of the blow, she might easily have brokenmy arms or my head. I groaned dismally, and especially when shemanipulated my member and, shedding a flood of tears, I covered my headwith my right arm and huddled down upon the pillow. Nor did she weepless bitterly:

The sailor, naked from his foundered barque, Some shipwrecked mariner seeks out to hear his woe;When hail beats down a farmer's crop, his carkSeeks consolation from another, too. Death levels caste and sufferers unites, And weeping parents are as one in grief;We also will beseech the starry heights, United prayers climb best, is the belief. 

She seated herself upon the other side of the bed and in quavering tonescommenced to accuse the delays of old age. At last the priestess camein. "Why, " she cried, "what has brought you into my cell as if you werevisiting a newly made grave? And on a feast-day, too, when even mournersought to smile!" "OEnothea, " the old hag replied, "this young man herewas born under an unlucky star: he can't dispose of his goods to eitherboy or girl. Such an unfortunate fellow you never saw. He has no toolat all, only a piece of leather soaked in water! I wish you would tellme what you think of a man who could get up from Circe's bed withouthaving tasted pleasure!" On hearing these words, OEnothea sat downbetween us and, after shaking her head for a while, "I'm the only onethat knows how to cure that disease, " said she, "and for fear you thinkI'm talking to hear myself talk, I'll just have the young fellow sleepwith me for a night, and if I don't make it as hard as horn!

 All that you see in the world must give heed to my mandates;

 Blossoming earth, when I will it, must languish, a desert. '

 Riches pour forth, when I will it, from crags and grim boulders

 Waters will spurt that will rival the Nile at its flooding

 Seas calm their billows before me, gales silence their howlings, Hearing my step! And the rivers sink into their channels;

 Dragons, Hyrcanian tigers stand fast at my bidding!

 Why should I tell you of small things? The image of Luna

 Drawn by my spells must descend, and Apollo, atremble

 Backs up his horses and turns from his course at my order!

 Such is the power of my word! By the rites of a virgin

 Quenched is the raging of bulls; and the sun's daughter Circe

 Changed and transfigured the crew of the wily Ulysses. 

 Proteus changes his form when his good pleasure dictates, I, who am skilled in these arts, can the shrubs of Mount Ida

 Plant in the ocean; turn rivers to flow up the mountains!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIFTH. 

At this declaration, which was so awe-inspiring, I shuddered in terror, and commenced to scrutinize the crone more narrowly. "Come now, " saidOEnothea, "obey my orders, " and, carefully wiping her hands, she bentover the cot and kissed me, once, twice! On the middle of the altarOEnothea placed an old table, upon which she heaped live coals, then withmelted pitch she repaired a goblet which had become cracked through age. Next she replaced, in the smoke-stained wall, a peg which had come outwhen she took down the wooden goblet. Then, having donned a mantle, inthe shape of a piece of square-cut cloth, she set a huge kettle upon thehearth and at the same time speared with a fork a cloth hanging upon themeathooks, and lifted it down. It contained some beans which had beenlaid away for future use, and a very small and stale piece of pig'scheek, scored with a thousand slashes. When she had untied the stringwhich fastened the cloth, she poured some of the beans upon the table andordered me to shell them quickly and carefully. I obey her mandate andwith careful fingers separate the beans from the filthy pods whichcontain them; but she, accusing my clumsiness, hastily snatched them and, skillfully tearing off the pods with her teeth, spat them upon theground, where they looked like dead flies. I wondered, then, at theingenuity of poverty and its expedients for emergency. (So ardent afollower of this virtue did the priestess seem that it was reflected ineverything around her. Her dwelling, in particular, was a very shrine ofpoverty. )

 No Indian ivory set in gold gleamed here, No trodden marble glistened here; no earth Mocked for its gifts; but Ceres' festive grove: With willow wickerwork 'twas set around, New cups of clay by revolutions shaped Of lowly wheel. For honey soft, a bowl; Platters of green bark wickerwork, a jar Stained by the lifeblood of the God of Wine; The walls around with chaff and spattered clay Were covered. Flanging from protruding nails Were slender stalks of the green rush; and then Suspended from the smoky beam, the stores Of this poor cottage. Service berries soft, Entwined in fragrant wreaths hung down, Dried savory and raisins by the bunch. An hostess here like she on Attic soil, Of Hecate's pure worship worthy she! Whose fame Kallimachos so grandly sang 'Twill live forever through the speaking years. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIXTH. 

In the meantime, (having shelled the beans, ) she took a mouthful of themeat and with the fork was replacing the pig's cheek, which was coevalwith herself, upon the meat-hook, when the rotten stool, which she wasusing to augment her height, broke down under the old lady's weight andlet her fall upon the hearth. The neck of the pot was broken, puttingout the fire, which was just getting a good start, her elbow was burnedby a flaming brand, and her whole face was covered by the ashes raised byher fall. I jumped up in dismay and, not without laughing, helped theold lady to her feet. She hastily scurried out into the neighborhood toreplenish the fire, for fear anything should delay the sacrifice. I wason my way to the door of the cell when lo! and behold! three sacred geesewhich were accustomed, I suppose, to demand their feed from the old womanat midday, made a rush at me and, surrounding me, made me nervous withtheir abominable rabid cackling. One tore at my tunic, another undid thelacings of my sandals and tugged at them, but one in particular, theringleader and moving spirit of this savage attack, did not hesitate toworry at my leg with his serrated bill. Unable to see the joke, Itwisted off one of the legs of the little table and, thus armed, began tobelabor the pugnacious brute. Nor did I rest content with a light blow, I avenged myself by the death of the goose. 

 'Twas thus, I ween, the birds of Stymphalus To heaven fled, by Herakles impelled; The Harpies, too, whose reeking pinions held That poison which the feast of Phineus Contaminated. All the air above With their unwonted lamentations shook, The heavens in uproar and confusion move {The Stars, in dread, their orbits then forsook!}

By this time the two remaining geese had picked up the beans which hadbeen scattered all over the floor and bereft, I suppose, of their leader, had gone back into the temple; and I, well content with my revenge and mybooty, threw the dead goose behind the cot and bathed the trifling woundin my leg with vinegar: then, fearing a scolding, I made up my mind torun away and, collecting together all my belongings, started to leave thehouse. I had not yet stepped over the threshold of the cell, however, when I caught sight of OEnothea returning with an earthen vessel full oflive coals. Thereupon I retraced my steps and, throwing off my garments, I took my stand just inside the door, as if I were awaiting her return. She banked her fire with broken reeds, piled some pieces of wood on top, and began to excuse her delay on the ground that her friend would notpermit her to leave until after the customary three drinks had beentaken. "But what were you up to in my absence?" she demanded. "Whereare the beans?" Thinking that I had done a thing worthy of all praise, Iinformed her of the battle in all its details and, that she might not bedowncast any longer, I produced the dead goose in payment for her loss. When the old lady laid eyes upon that, she raised such a clamor that youwould have thought that the geese had invaded the room again. Confoundedand thunderstruck at the novelty of my crime, I asked her why she was soangry and why she pitied the goose rather than myself. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVENTH. 

But, beating her palms together, "You villain, are you so brazen that youcan speak?" she shrieked. "Don't you know what a serious crime you'vecommitted? You have slaughtered the delight of Priapus, a goose, thevery darling of married women! And for fear you think that nothingserious has happened, if the magistrates find this out you'll go to thecross! Until this day my dwelling has been inviolate and you havepolluted it with blood! You have conducted yourself in such a mannerthat any enemy I have can turn me out of the priesthood!"

 She spoke, and from her trembling head she tore the snow-white hair, And scratched her cheeks: her eyes shed floods of tears. As when a torrent headlong rushes down the valleys drear, Its icy fetters gone when Sprint appears, And strikes the frozen shackles from rejuvenated earth So down her face the tears in torrents swept And wracking sobs convulsed her as she wept. 

"Please don't make such a fuss, " I said, "I'll give you an ostrich inplace of your goose!" While she sat upon the cot and, to mystupefaction, bewailed the death of the goose, Proselenos came in withthe materials for the sacrifice. Seeing the dead goose and inquiring thecause of her grief, she herself commenced to weep more violently stilland to commiserate me, as if I had slain my own father, instead of apublic goose. Growing tired of this nonsense at last, "See here, "said I, "could I not purchase immunity for a price, even though I hadassaulted you'? Even though I had murdered a man? Look here! I'mlaying down two gold pieces, you can buy both gods and geese with them!""Forgive me, young man, " said OEnothea, when she caught sight of thegold, "I am anxious upon your account; that is a proof of love, not ofmalignity. Let us take such precautions that not a soul will find thisout. As for you, pray to the gods to forgive your sacrilege!"

 The rich man can sail in a favoring gale And snap out his course at his pleasure; A Dance espouse, no Acrisius will rail, His credence by hers he will measure; Write verse, or declaim; snap the finger of scorn At the world, yet still win all his cases, The rabble will drink in his words with concern When a Cato austere it displaces. At law, his "not proven, " or "proved, " he can have With Servius or Labeo vieing; With gold at command anything he may crave Is his without asking or sighing. The universe bows at his slightest behest, For Jove is a prisoner in his treasure chest. 

In the meantime, she scurried around and put a jar of wine under my handsand, when my fingers had all been spread out evenly, she purified themwith leeks and parsley. Then, muttering incantations, she threwhazel-nuts into the wine and drew her conclusions as they sank orfloated; but she did not hoodwink me, for those with empty shells, nokernel and full of air, would of course float, while those that wereheavy and full of sound kernel would sink to the bottom. {She thenturned her attention to the goose, } and, cutting open the breast, shedrew out a very fat liver from which she foretold my future. Then, forfear any trace of the crime should remain, she cut the whole goose up, stuck the pieces upon spits, and served up a very delectable dinner forme, whom, but a moment before, she had herself condemned to death, inher own words! Meanwhile, cups of unmixed wine went merrily around (andthe crones greedily devoured the goose which they had but so latelylamented. When the last morsel had disappeared, OEnothea, half-drunk bythis time, looked at me and said, "We must now go through with themysteries, so that you may get back your virility. ")

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-EIGHTH. 

(As she said this OEnothea brought) out a leathern dildo which, when shehad smeared it with oil, ground pepper, and pounded nettle seed, shecommenced to force, little by little, up my anus. The merciless oldvirago then anointed the insides of my thighs with the same decoction;finally mixing nasturtium juice with elixir of southern wood, she gave mygenitals a bath and, picking up a bunch of green nettles, she commencedto strike me gently all over my belly below the navel. {The nettles stungme horribly and I suddenly took to my heels, with the old hags in fullpursuit. } Although they were befuddled with wine and lust they followedthe right road and chased me through several wards, screaming "Stopthief. " I made good my escape, however, although every toe was bleedingas the result of my headlong flight. (I got home as quickly as I couldand, worn out with fatigue, I sought my couch, but I could not snatch awink of sleep for the evil adventures which had befallen me kept runningthrough my brain and, brooding upon them, I came to the conclusion thatno one could be so abjectly unfortunate. "Has Fortune, always inimicalto me, stood in need of the pangs of love, that she might torture me morecruelly still, " I cried out; "unhappy wretch that I am! Fortune and Lovehave joined forces to bring about my ruin. Cruel Eros himself had neverdealt leniently with me, loved or lover I am put to the torture! Takethe case of Chrysis: she loves me desperately, never leaves off teasingme, she who despised me as a servant, because, when she was acting as hermistress's go-between, I was dressed in the garments of a slave: she, Isay) that same Chrysis, who looked with contempt upon your former lowlylot, is now bent upon following it up even at the peril of her life; (sheswore that she would never leave my side on the day when she told me ofthe violence of her passion: but Circe owns me, heart and soul, allothers I despise. Who could be lovelier than she?) What lovelinesshad Ariadne or Leda to compare with hers? What had Helen to compare withher, what has Venus? If Paris himself had seen her with her dancingeyes, when he acted as umpire for the quarreling goddesses, he would havegiven up Helen and the goddesses for her! If I could only steal a kiss, if only I might put my arms around that divine, that heavenly bosom, perhaps the virility would come back to this body and the parts, flaccidfrom witchcraft would, I believe, come into their own. Contempt cannottire me out: what if I was flogged; I will forget it! What if I wasthrown out! I will treat it as a joke! Only let me be restored to hergood graces!

 At rest on my pallet, night's silence had scarce settled down

 To soothe me, and eyes heavy-laden with slumber to lull

 When torturing Amor laid hold of me, seizing my hair

 And dragging me, wounding me, ordered a vigil till dawn. 

 'Oh heart of stone, how canst thou lie here alone?' said the God, 'Thou joy of a thousand sweet mistresses, how, oh my slave?'

 In disarrayed nightrobe I leap to bare feet and essay

 To follow all paths; but a road can discover by none. 

 One moment I hasten; the next it is torture to move, It irks me again to turn back, shame forbids me to halt

 And stand in the midst of the road. Lo! the voices of men, The roar of the streets, and the songs of the birds, and the bark

 Of vigilant watch-dogs are hushed! Alone, I of all

 Society dread both my slumber and couch, and obey

 Great Lord of the Passions, thy mandate which on me was laid. "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-NINTH. 

(Such thoughts as these, of lovely Circe's charms so wrought upon my mindthat) I disordered my bed by embracing the image, as it were, of mymistress, (but my efforts were all wasted. ) This obstinate (afflictionfinally wore out my patience, and I cursed the hostile deity by whom Iwas bewitched. I soon recovered my composure, however, and, derivingsome consolation from thinking of the heroes of old, who had beenpersecuted by the anger of the gods, I broke out in these lines:)

 Hostile gods and implacable rate not me alone pursue;

 Herakles once suffered the weight of heaven's displeasure too

 Driven from the Inachian coast: Laomedon of old

 Sated two of the heavenly host: in Pelias, behold

 Juno's power to avenge an affront; and Telephus took arms

 Knowing not he must bear the brunt; Ulysses feared the storms

 Angry Neptune decreed as his due. Now, me to overwhelm

 Outraged Priapus ever pursues on land and Nereus' realm. 

(Tortured by these cares I spent the whole night in anxiety, and at dawn, Giton, who had found out that I had slept at home, entered the room andbitterly accused me of leading a licentious life; he said that the wholehousehold was greatly concerned at what I had been doing, that I was sorarely present to attend to my duties, and that the intrigue in which Iwas engaged would very likely bring about my ruin. I gathered from thisthat he had been well informed as to my affairs, and that someone hadbeen to the house inquiring for me. Thereupon, ) I began to ply Gitonwith questions as to whether anyone had made inquiry for me; "Not today, "he replied, "but yesterday a woman came in at the door, not bad looking, either, and after talking to me for quite a while, and wearing me outwith her far-fetched conversation, finally ended by saying that youdeserved punishment, and that you would receive the scourging of a slaveif the injured party pressed his complaint. " (This news afflicted me sobitterly that I levelled fresh recriminations against Fortune, and) I hadnot yet finished grumbling when Chrysis came in and, throwing herselfupon me, embraced me passionately. "I have you, " she cried, "just as Ihoped I would; you are my heart's desire, my joy, you can never put outthis flame of mine unless you quench it in my blood!" (I was greatlyembarrassed by this wantonness of Chrysis and had recourse to flatteryin order that I might rid myself of her, as I feared that her passionateoutcries would reach the ears of Eumolpus who, in the arrogance ofsuccess, had put on the manner of the master. So on this account, I dideverything I could think of to calm Chrysis. I feigned love, whisperedcompliments, in short, so skillfully did I dissimulate that she believedI was Love's own captive. I showed her what pressing peril overhung usshould she be caught in that room with me, as Eumolpus was only too readyto punish the slightest offense. On hearing this, she left me hurriedly, and all the more quickly, as she caught sight of Giton, who had only leftme a little before she had come in, on his way to my room. She wasscarcely gone when) one of the newly engaged servants rushed in andinformed me that the master was furiously angry with me because of my twodays' absence from duty; I would do well, therefore, to prepare someplausible excuse, as it was not likely that his angry passion would beplacated until someone had been flogged. (Seeing that I was so vexed anddisheartened, Giton said not a word about the woman, contenting himselfwith speaking of Eumolpus, and advising me that it would be better tojoke with him than to treat the matter seriously. I followed this leadand appeared before the old fellow, with so merry a countenance that, instead of showing severity, he received me with good humor and ralliedme upon the success of my love affairs, praising the elegance of myfigure which made me such a favorite with the ladies. "I know verywell, " he went on, "that a lovely woman is dying for love of you, Encolpius, and this may come in handy for us, so play your part and I'llplay mine, too!")

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTIETH. 

(He was still speaking, when in came a) matron of the most exclusivesocial set, Philumene by name, who had often, when young, extorted manya legacy by means of her charms, but an old woman now, the flower of herbeauty faded, she threw her son and daughter in the way of childless oldmen and through this substitution she contrived to continue herestablished policy. She came to Eumolpus, both to commend her childrento his practical judgment and to entrust herself and her hopes to hisgood nature, he being the only one in all the world who could dailyinstruct young children in healthy precepts. In short, she left herchildren in Eumolpus' house in order that they might hear the words thatdropped from his lips, as this was the only legacy she could leave tothem. Nor did she do otherwise than as she had promised, but left inhis bed chamber a very beautiful daughter and her brother, a lad, andpretended that she herself was compelled to go out to a temple to offerup her vows. Eumolpus, who was so continent that even I was a boy in hiseyes, lost no time in inviting the damsel to sacrifice to the AversaVenus; but, as he had told everyone that he was gouty and that his backwas weak, and as he stood in danger of upsetting the whole farce if hedid not carefully live up to the pretence, he therefore, that theimposture might be kept up, prevailed upon the young lady to seat herselfupon that goodness which had been commended to her, and ordered Corax tocrawl under the bed upon which he himself was lying and after bracinghimself by putting his hands upon the floor, to hoist his master up anddown with his own back. Corax carried out the order in full andskillfully seconded the wriggling of the girl with a correspondingseesaw. Then, when the crisis was about due, Eumolpus, in a ringingvoice, called out to Corax to increase the cadence. And thus the oldlecher, suspended between his servant and his mistress, enjoyed himselfjust as if he were in a swing. Time and again Eumolpus repeated thisperformance, to the accompaniment of ringing laughter in which he himselfjoined. At last, fearing I might lose an opportunity through lack ofapplication, I also made advances to the brother who was enjoying thegymnastics of his sister through the keyhole, to see if he would proveamenable to assault. Nor did this well trained lad reject my advances;but alas! I discovered that the God was still my enemy. (However, I wasnot so blue over this failure as I had been over those before, and myvirility returned a little later and, suddenly finding myself in betterfettle I cried out, ) "Great are the gods who have made me whole again!In his loving kindness, Mercury, who conducts and reconducts the souls, has restored to me that which a hostile hand had cut away. Look! Youwill find that I am more graciously endowed than was Protestilaus or anyother of the heroes of old!" So saying, I lifted up my tunic and showedEumolpus that I was whole. At first he was startled, then, that he mightbelieve his own eyes, he handled this pledge of the good will of the godswith both hands. (Our good humor was revived by this blessing and welaughed at the diplomacy of Philumene and at the skill with which herchildren plied their calling, little likely to profit them much with us, however, as it was only in hopes of coming into a legacy that she hadabandoned the boy and girl to us. Meditating upon this unscrupulousmethod of getting around childless old men, I began to take thought ofthe present state of our own affairs and made use of the occasion to warnEumolpus that he might be bitten in biting the biters. "Everything thatwe do, " I said, "should be dictated by Prudence. ) Socrates, {whosejudgment was riper than that} of the gods or of men used to boast that hehad never looked into a tavern nor believed the evidence of his own eyesin any crowded assembly which was disorderly: so nothing is more inkeeping than always conversing with wisdom. 

 Live coals are more readily held in men's mouths than a secret!

 Whatever you talk of at home will fly forth in an instant, Become a swift rumor and beat at the walls of your city. 

 Nor is it enough that your confidence thus has been broken, As rumor but grows in the telling and strives to embellish. 

 The covetous servant who feared to make public his knowledge

 A hole in the ground dug, and therein did whisper his secret

 That told of a king's hidden ears: this the earth straightway echoed, And rustling reeds added that Midas was king in the story. 

Every word of this is true, " I insisted, "and no one deserves to get intotrouble more quickly than he who covets the goods of others! How couldcheats and swindlers live unless they threw purses or little bagsclinking with money into the crowd for bait? Just as dumb brutes areenticed by food, human beings are not to be caught unless they havesomething in the way of hope at which to nibble! (That was the reasonthat the Crotonians gave us such a satisfactory reception, but) the shipdoes not arrive, from Africa, with your money and your slaves, as youpromised. The patience of the fortune-hunters is worn out and they havealready cut down their liberality so that, either I am mistaken, or elseour usual luck is about to return to punish you!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIRST. 

("I have thought up a scheme, " replied Eumolpus, "which will embarrassour fortune-hunting friends sorely, " and as he said this, he drew histablets from his wallet and read his last wishes aloud, as follows:)"All who are down for legacies under my will, my freedmen only excepted, shall come into what I bequeath them subject to this condition, that theydo cut my body into pieces and devour said pieces in sight of the crowd:{nor need they be inordinately shocked} for among some peoples, the lawordaining that the dead shall be devoured by their relatives is still inforce; nay, even the sick are often abused because they render their ownflesh worse! I admonish my friends, by these presents, lest they refusewhat I command, that they devour my carcass with as great relish as theydamned my soul!" (Eumolpus had just started reading the first clauseswhen several of his most intimate friends entered the room and catchingsight of the tablets in his hand in which was contained his last will andtestament, besought him earnestly to permit them to hear the contents. He consented immediately and read the entire instrument from first tolast. But when they had heard that extraordinary stipulation by whichthey were under the necessity of devouring his carcass, they were greatlycast down, but) his reputation for enormous wealth dulled the eyes andbrains of the wretches, (and they were such cringing sycophants that theydared not complain of the outrage in his hearing. One there was, nevertheless, named) Gorgias, who was willing to comply, (provided he didnot have too long to wait! To this, Eumolpus made answer:) "I have nofear that your stomach will turn, it will obey orders; if, for one hourof nausea you promise it a plethora of good things: just shut your eyesand pretend that it's not human guts you've bolted, but ten millionsesterces! And beside, we will find some condiment which will disguisethe taste! No flesh is palatable of itself, it must be seasoned by artand reconciled to the unwilling stomach. And, if you desire to fortifythe plan by precedents, the Saguntines ate human flesh when besieged byHannibal, and they had no legacy in prospect! In stress of famine, theinhabitants of Petelia did the same and gained nothing from the dietexcept that they were not hungry! When Numantia was taken by Scipio, mothers, with the half-eaten bodies of their babes in their bosoms, werefound! (Therefore, since it is only the thought of eating human fleshthat makes you squeamish, you must try to overcome your aversion, withall your heart, so that you may come into the immense legacies I have putyou down for!" So carelessly did Eumolpus reel off these extravagancesthat the fortune-hunters began to lose faith in the validity of hispromises and subjected our words and actions to a closer scrutinyimmediately; their suspicions grew with their experience and they cameto the conclusion that we were out and out grafters, and thereupon thosewho had been put to the greatest expense for our entertainment resolvedto seize us and take it out in just revenge; but Chrysis, who was privyto all their scheming, informed me of the designs which the Crotonianshad hatched; and when I heard this news, I was so terrified that I fledinstantly, with Giton, and left Eumolpus to his fate. I learned, a fewdays later, that the Crotonians, furious because the old fox had livedso long and so sumptuously at the public expense, had put him to deathin the Massilian manner. That you may comprehend what this means, knowthat) whenever the Massilians were ravaged by the plague, one of the poorwould offer himself to be fed for a whole year upon choice food at publiccharge; after which, decked out with olive branches and sacred vestments, he was led out through the entire city, loaded with imprecations so thathe might take to himself the evils from which the city suffered, and thenthrown headlong (from the cliff. )

THE END

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Death levels caste and sufferers unitesFace, rouged and covered with cosmeticsFor one hour of nausea you promise it a plethora of good thingsIn the arrogance of success, had put on the manner of the masterLive coals are more readily held in men's mouths than a secretPutting as good a face upon the matter as I couldRumor but grows in the telling and strives to embellishSomething in the way of hope at which to nibbleStained by the lifeblood of the God of WineTo follow all paths; but a road can discover by noneWhatever you talk of at home will fly forth in an instant