[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of thefile for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making anentire meal of them. D. W. ]

 THE SATYRICON OF PETRONIUS ARBITER

 Complete and unexpurgated translation by W. C. Firebaugh, in which are incorporated the forgeries of Nodot and Marchena, and the readings introduced into the text by De Salas. 

BRACKET CODE: (Forgeries of Nodot) [Forgeries of Marchena] {Additions of De Salas} DW

VOLUME 3. --FURTHER ADVENTURES OF ENCOLPIUS AND HIS COMPANIONS

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-NINTH. 

There was no torch to light the way for us, as we wandered around, nordid the silence of midnight give promise of our meeting any wayfarer witha light; in addition to this, we were drunk and unfamiliar with thedistrict, which would confuse one, even in daylight, so for the best partof a mortal hour we dragged our bleeding feet over all the flints andpieces of broken tile, till we were extricated, at last, by Giton'scleverness. This prudent youngster had been afraid of going astray onthe day before, so he had taken care to mark all the pillars and columnswith chalk. These marks stood out distinctly, even through the pitchynight, and by their brilliant whiteness pointed out the way for us as wewandered about. Nevertheless, we had no less cause for being in a sweateven when we came to our lodging, for the old woman herself had beensitting and swilling so long with her guests that even if one had set herafire, she would not have known it. We would have spent the night on thedoor-sill had not Trimalchio's courier come up in state, with ten wagons;he hammered on the door for a short time, and then smashed it in, givingus an entrance through the same breach. (Hastening to thesleeping-chamber, I went to bed with my "brother" and, burning withpassion as I was, after such a magnificent dinner, I surrendered myselfwholly to sexual gratification. )

 Oh Goddesses and Gods, that purple night How soft the couch! And we, embracing tight; With every wandering kiss our souls would meet! Farewell all mortal woes, to die were sweet

But my self-congratulation was premature, for I was overcome with wine, and when my unsteady hands relaxed their hold, Ascyltos, thatnever-failing well-spring of iniquity, stole the boy away from me in thenight and carried him to his own bed, where he wallowed around withoutrestraint with a "brother" not his own, while the latter, not noticingthe fraud, or pretending not to notice it, went to sleep in a stranger'sarms, in defiance of all human rights. Awaking at last, I felt the bedover and found that it had been despoiled of its treasure: then, by allthat lovers hold dear, I swear I was on the verge of transfixing themboth with my sword and uniting their sleep with death. At last, however, I adopted a more rational plan; I spanked Giton intowakefulness, and, glaring at Ascyltos, "Since you have broken faith bythis outrage, " I gritted out, with a savage frown, "and severed ourfriendship, you had better get your things together at once, and pick upsome other bottom for your abominations!" He raised no objection tothis, but after we had divided everything with scrupulous exactitude, "Come on now, " he demanded, "and we'll divide the boy!"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTIETH. 

I thought this was a parting joke till he whipped out his sword, with amurderous hand. "You'll not have this prize you're brooding over, all toyourself! Since I've been rejected, I'll have to cut off my share withthis sword. " I followed suit, on my side, and, wrapping a mantle aroundmy left arm, I put myself on guard for the duel. The unhappy boy, rendered desperate by our unreasoning fury, hugged each of us tightly bythe knee, and in tears he humbly begged that this wretched lodging-houseshould not witness a Theban duel, and that we would not pollute--withmutual bloodshed the sacred rites of a friendship that was, as yet, unstained. "If a crime must be committed, " he wailed, "here is my nakedthroat, turn your swords this way and press home the points. I ought tobe the one to die, I broke the sacred pledge of friendship. " We loweredour points at these entreaties. "I'll settle this dispute, " Ascyltosspoke up, "let the boy follow whomsoever he himself wishes to follow. In that way, he, at least, will have perfect freedom in choosing a'brother'. " Imagining that a relationship of such long standing hadpassed into a tie of blood, I was not at all uneasy, so I snatched atthis proposition with precipitate eagerness, and submitted the dispute tothe judge. He did not deliberate long enough to seem even to hesitate, for he got up and chose Ascyltos for a "brother, " as soon as the lastsyllable had passed my lips! At this decision I was thunder-struck, and threw myself upon the bed, unarmed and just as I stood. Had I notbegrudged my enemy such a triumph, I would have laid violent hands uponmyself. Flushed with success, Ascyltos marched out with his prize, andabandoned, in a strange town, a comrade in the depths of despair; onewhom, but a little while before, he had loved most unselfishly, one whosedestiny was so like his own. 

 As long as is expedient, the name of friendship lives, Just as in dicing, Fortune smiles or lowers; When good luck beckons, then your friend his gleeful service gives But basely flies when ruin o'er you towers. The strollers act their farces upon the stage, each one his part, The father, son, the rich man, all are here, But soon the page is turned upon the comic actor's art, The masque is dropped, the make-ups disappear!

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIRST. 

Nevertheless, I did not indulge myself very long in tears, being afraidthat Menelaus, the tutor, might drop in upon me all alone in thelodging-house, and catch me in the midst of my troubles, so I collected mybaggage and, with a heavy heart, sneaked off to an obscure quarter nearthe seashore. There, I kept to my room for three days. My mind wascontinually haunted by my loneliness and desertion, and I beat my breast, already sore from blows. "Why could not the earth have opened andswallowed me, " I wailed aloud, between the many deep-drawn groans, "orthe sea, which rages even against the guiltless? Did I flee fromjustice, murder my ghost, and cheat the arena, in order that, after somany proofs of courage, I might be left lying here deserted, a beggar andan exile, in a lodging-house in a Greek town? And who condemned me tothis desolation'? A boy stained by every form of vice, who, by his ownconfession, ought to be exiled: free, through vice, expert in vice, whosefavors came through a throw of the dice, who hired himself out as a girlto those who knew him to be a boy! And as to the other, what about him?In place of the manly toga, he donned the woman's stola when he reachedthe age of puberty: he resolved, even from his mother's womb, never tobecome a man; in the slave's prison he took the woman's part in thesexual act, he changed the instrument of his lechery when hedouble-crossed me, abandoned the ties of a long-standing friendship, and, shame upon him, sold everything for a single night's dalliance, like any other street-walker! Now the lovers lie whole nights, lockedin each other's arms, and I suppose they make a mockery of my desolationwhen they are resting up from the exhaustion caused by their mutualexcesses. But not with impunity! If I don't avenge the wrong they havedone me in their guilty blood, I'm no free man!"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SECOND. 

I girded on my sword, when I had said these words, and, fortifying mystrength with a heavy meal, so that weakness would not cause me to losethe battle, I presently sallied forth into the public streets and rushedthrough all the arcades, like a maniac. But while, with my face savagelyconvulsed in a frown, I was meditating nothing but bloodshed andslaughter, and was continually clapping my hand to the hilt of my sword, which I had consecrated to this, I was observed by a soldier, that is, heeither was a real soldier, or else he was some night-prowling thug, whochallenged me. "Halt! Who goes there? What legion are you from? Who'syour centurion?" "Since when have men in your outfit gone on pass inwhite shoes?" he retorted, when I had lied stoutly about both centurionand legion. Both my face and my confusion proved that I had been caughtin a lie, so he ordered me to surrender my arms and to take care that Idid not get into trouble. I was held up, as a matter of course, and, myrevenge balked, I returned to my lodging-house and, recovering by degreesfrom my fright, I began to be grateful to the boldness of the footpad. It is not wise to place much reliance upon any scheme, because Fortunehas a method of her own. 

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-THIRD. 

(Nevertheless, I found it very difficult to stifle my longing forrevenge, and after tossing half the night in anxiety, I arose at dawnand, in the hope of mitigating my mental sufferings and of forgetting mywrongs, I took a walk through all the public arcades and) entered apicture-gallery, which contained a wonderful collection of pictures invarious styles. I beheld works from the hand of Zeuxis, still undimmedby the passage of the years, and contemplated, not without a certain awe, the crude drawings of Protogenes, which equalled the reality of natureherself; but when I stood before the work of Apelles, the kind which theGreeks call "Monochromatic, " verily, I almost worshipped, for theoutlines of the figures were drawn with such subtlety of touch, and wereso life-like in their precision, that you would have thought their verysouls were depicted. Here, an eagle was soaring into the sky bearing theshepherd of Mount Ida to heaven; there, the comely Hylas was strugglingto escape from the embrace of the lascivious Naiad. Here, too, wasApollo, cursing his murderous hand and adorning his unstrung lyre withthe flower just created. Standing among these lovers, which were onlypainted, "It seems that even the gods are wracked by love, " I criedaloud, as if I were in a wilderness. "Jupiter could find none to histaste, even in his own heaven, so he had to sin on earth, but no one wasbetrayed by him! The nymph who ravished Hylas would have controlled herpassion had she thought Hercules was coming to forbid it. Apollorecalled the spirit of a boy in the form of a flower, and all the loversof Fable enjoyed Love's embraces without a rival, but I took as a comradea friend more cruel than Lycurgus!" But at that very instant, as I wastelling my troubles to the winds, a white-haired old man entered thepicture-gallery; his face was care-worn, and he seemed, I know not why, to give promise of something great, although he bestowed so little careupon his dress that it was easily apparent that he belonged to that classof literati which the wealthy hold in contempt. "I am a poet, " heremarked, when he had approached me and stood at my side, "and one of nomean ability, I hope, that is, if anything is to be inferred from thecrowns which gratitude can place even upon the heads of the unworthy!Then why, you demand, are you dressed so shabbily? For that very reason;love or art never yet made anyone rich. "

 The trader trusts his fortune to the sea and takes his gains, The warrior, for his deeds, is girt with gold; The wily sycophant lies drunk on purple counterpanes, Young wives must pay debauchees or they're cold. But solitary, shivering, in tatters Genius stands Invoking a neglected art, for succor at its hands. 

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FOURTH. 

"It is certainly true that a man is hated when he declares himself anenemy to all vice, and begins to follow the right road in life, because, in the first place, his habits are different from those of other people;for who ever approved of anything to which he took exceptions? Then, they whose only ambition is to pile up riches, don't want to believe thatmen can possess anything better than that which they have themselves;therefore, they use every means in their power to so buffet the loversof literature that they will seem in their proper place--below themoneybags. " "I know not why it should be so, " (I said with a sigh), "butPoverty is the sister of Genius. " ("You have good reason, " the old manreplied, "to deplore the status of men of letters. " "No, " I answered, "that was not the reason for my sigh, there is another and far weightiercause for my grief. " Then, in accordance with the human propensity ofpouring one's personal troubles into another's ears, I explained mymisfortune to him, and dwelt particularly upon Ascyltos' perfidy. ) "Ohhow I wish that this enemy who is the cause of my enforced continencecould be mollified, " (I cried, with many a groan, ) "but he is an old handat robbery, and more cunning than the pimps themselves!" (My franknesspleased the old man, who attempted to comfort me and, to beguile mysorrow, he related the particulars of an amorous intrigue in which hehimself had played a part. )

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIFTH. 

"When I was attached to the Quaestor's staff, in Asia, I was quarteredwith a family at Pergamus. I found things very much to my liking there, not only on account of the refined comfort of my apartments, but alsobecause of the extreme beauty of my host's son. For the latter reason, I had recourse to strategy, in order that the father should never suspectme of being a seducer. So hotly would I flare up, whenever the abuseof handsome boys was even mentioned at the table, and with suchuncompromising sternness would I protest against having my ears insultedby such filthy talk, that I came to be looked upon, especially by themother, as one of the philosophers. I was conducting the lad to thegymnasium before very long, and superintending his conduct, takingespecial care, all the while, that no one who could debauch him shouldever enter the house. Then there came a holiday, the school was closed, and our festivities had rendered us too lazy to retire properly, so welay down in the dining-room. It was just about midnight, and I knew hewas awake, so I murmured this vow, in a very low voice, 'Oh Lady Venus, could I but kiss this lad, and he not know it, I would give him a pair ofturtle-doves tomorrow!' On hearing the price offered for this favor, theboy commenced to snore! Then, bending over the pretending sleeper, Isnatched a fleeting kiss or two. Satisfied with this beginning, I aroseearly in the morning, brought a fine pair of turtle-doves to the eagerlad, and absolved myself from my vow. "

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SIXTH. 

"Next night, when the same opportunity presented itself, I changed mypetition, 'If I can feel him all over with a wanton hand, ' I vowed, 'andhe not know it, I will give him two of the gamest fighting-cocks, for hissilence. ' The lad nestled closer to me of his own accord, on hearing thisoffer, and I truly believe that he was afraid that I was asleep. I madeshort work of his apprehensions on that score, however, by stroking andfondling his whole body. I worked myself into a passionate fervor thatwas just short of supreme gratification. Then, when day dawned, I madehim happy with what I had promised him. When the third night gave memy chance, I bent close to the ear of the rascal, who pretended to beasleep. 'Immortal gods, ' I whispered, 'if I can take full and completesatisfaction of my love, from this sleeping beauty, I will tomorrowpresent him with the best Macedonian pacer in the market, in return forthis bliss, provided that he does not know it. ' Never had the lad sleptso soundly! First I filled my hands with his snowy breasts, then Ipressed a clinging kiss upon his mouth, but I finally focused all myenergies upon one supreme delight! Early in the morning, he sat up inbed, awaiting my usual gift. It is much easier to buy doves andgame-cocks than it is to buy a pacer, as you know, and aside from that, I was also afraid that so valuable a present might render my motivesubject to suspicion, so, after strolling around for some hours, Ireturned to the house, and gave the lad nothing at all except a kiss. He looked all around, threw his arms about my neck. 'Tell me, master, 'he cried, 'where's the pacer?' ('The difficulty of getting one fineenough has compelled me to defer the fulfillment of my promise, ' Ireplied, 'but I will make it good in a few days. ' The lad easilyunderstood the true meaning of my answer, and his countenance betrayedhis secret resentment. )"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SEVENTH. 

"(In the meantime, ) by breaking this vow, I had cut myself off from theavenue of access which I had contrived, but I returned to the attack, allthe same, when the opportunity came. In a few days, a similar occasionbrought about the very same conditions as before, and the instant I heardhis father snoring, I began pleading with the lad to receive me againinto his good graces, that is to say, that he ought to suffer me tosatisfy myself with him, and he in turn could do whatever his owndistended member desired. He was very angry, however, and would saynothing at all except, 'Either you go to sleep, or I'll call father!'But no obstacle is so difficult that depravity cannot twist around it andeven while he threatened 'I'll call father, ' I slipped into his bed andtook my pleasure in spite of his half-hearted resistance. Nor was hedispleased with my improper conduct for, although he complained for awhile, that he had been cheated and made a laughing-stock, and that hiscompanions, to whom he had bragged of his wealthy friend, had made sportof him. 'But you'll see that I'll not be like you, ' he whispered; 'do itagain, if you want to!' All misunderstandings were forgotten and I wasreadmitted into the lad's good graces. Then I slipped off to sleep, after profiting by his complaisance. But the youth, in the very flowerof maturity, and just at the best age for passive pleasure, was by nomeans satisfied with only one repetition, so he roused me out of a heavysleep. 'Isn't there something you'd like to do?' he whispered! Thepastime had not begun to cloy, as yet, and, somehow or other, what withpanting and sweating and wriggling, he got what he wanted and, worn outwith pleasure, I dropped off to sleep again. Less than an hour had passedwhen he began to punch me with his hand. 'Why are we not busy, ' hewhispered! I flew into a violent rage at being disturbed so many times, and threatened him in his own words, 'Either you go to sleep, or I'llcall father!'"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-EIGHTH. 

Heartened up by this story, I began to draw upon his more comprehensiveknowledge as to the ages of the pictures and as to certain of the storiesconnected with them, upon which I was not clear; and I likewise inquiredinto the causes of the decadence of the present age, in which the mostrefined arts had perished, and among them painting, which had not lefteven the faintest trace of itself behind. "Greed of money, " he replied, "has brought about these unaccountable changes. In the good old times, when virtue was her own reward, the fine arts flourished, and there wasthe keenest rivalry among men for fear that anything which could be ofbenefit to future generations should remain long undiscovered. Then itwas that Democritus expressed the juices of all plants and spent hiswhole life in experiments, in order that no curative property should lurkunknown in stone or shrub. That he might understand the movements ofheaven and the stars, Eudoxus grew old upon the summit of a loftymountain: three times did Chrysippus purge his brain with hellebore, that his faculties might be equal to invention. Turn to the sculptors ifyou will; Lysippus perished from hunger while in profound meditation uponthe lines of a single statue, and Myron, who almost embodied the souls ofmen and beasts in bronze, could not find an heir. And we, sodden withwine and women, cannot even appreciate the arts already practiced, weonly criticise the past! We learn only vice, and teach it, too. What hasbecome of logic? of astronomy? Where is the exquisite road to wisdom?Who even goes into a temple to make a vow, that he may achieve eloquenceor bathe in the fountain of wisdom? And they do not pray for good healthand a sound mind; before they even set foot upon the threshold of thetemple, one promises a gift if only he may bury a rich relative; another, if he can but dig up a treasure, and still another, if he is permitted toamass thirty millions of sesterces in safety! The Senate itself, theexponent of all that should be right and just, is in the habit ofpromising a thousand pounds of gold to the capitol, and that no one mayquestion the propriety of praying for money, it even decorates Jupiterhimself with spoils'. Do not hesitate, therefore, at expressing yoursurprise at the deterioration of painting, since, by all the gods and menalike, a lump of gold is held to be more beautiful than anything evercreated by those crazy little Greek fellows, Apelles and Phydias!"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-NINTH. 

"But I see that your whole attention is held by that picture whichportrays the destruction of Troy, so I will attempt to unfold the storyin verse:

And now the tenth harvest beheld the beleaguered of Troia

Worn out with anxiety, fearing the honor of Calchas

The prophet, hung wavering deep in the blackest despair. 

Apollo commanded! The forested peaks of Mount Ida

Were felled and dragged down; the hewn timbers were fitted to fashion

A war-horse. Unfilled is a cavity left, and this cavern, Roofed over, capacious enough for a camp. Here lie hidden

The raging impetuous valor of ten years of warfare. 

Malignant Greek troops pack the recess, lurk in their own offering. 

Alas my poor country! We thought that their thousand grim war-ships

Were beaten and scattered, our arable lands freed from warfare!

Th' inscription cut into the horse, and the crafty behavior

Of Sinon, his mind ever powerful for evil, affirmed it. 

Delivered from war, now the crowd, carefree, hastens to worship

And pours from the portals. Their cheeks wet with weeping, the joy

Of their tremulous souls brings to eyes tears which terror

Had banished. Laocoon, priest unto Neptune, with hair loosed, An outcry evoked from the mob: he drew back his javelin

And launched it! The belly of wood was his target. The weapon

Recoiled, for the fates stayed his hand, and this artifice won us. 

His feeble hand nerved he anew, and the lofty sides sounded, His two-edged ax tried them severely. The young troops in ambush

Gasped. And as long as the reverberations re-echoed

The wooden mass breathed out a fear that was not of its own. 

Imprisoned, the warriors advance to take Troia a captive

And finish the struggle by strategem new and unheard of. 

Behold! Other portents: Where Tenedos steep breaks the ocean

Where great surging billows dash high; to be broken, and leap back

To form a deep hollow of calm, and resemble the plashing

Of oars, carried far through the silence of night, as when ships pass

And drive through the calm as it smashes against their fir bows. 

Then backward we look towards the rocks; the tide carries two serpents

That coil and uncoil as they come, and their breasts, which are swollen

Aside dash the foam, as the bows of tall ships; and the ocean

Is lashed by their tails, their manes, free on the water, as savage

As even their eyes: now a blinding beam kindles the billows, The sea with their hissing is sibilant! All stare in terror!

Laocoon's twin sons in Phrygian raiment are standing

With priests wreathed for sacrifice. Them did the glistening serpents

Enfold in their coils! With their little hands shielding their faces, The boys, neither thinking of self, but each one of his brother!

Fraternal love's sacrifice! Death himself slew those poor children

By means of their unselfish fear for each other! The father, A helper too feeble, now throws himself prone on their bodies:

The serpents, now glutted with death, coil around him and drag him

To earth! And the priest, at his altar a victim, lies beating

The ground. Thus the city of Troy, doomed to sack and destruction, First lost her own gods by profaning their shrines and their worship. 

The full moon now lifted her luminous beam and the small stars

Led forth, with her torch all ablaze; when the Greeks drew the bolts

And poured forth their warriors, on Priam's sons, buried in darkness

And sodden with wine. First the leaders made trial of their weapons

Just as the horse, when unhitched from Thessalian neck-yoke, First tosses his head and his mane, ere to pasture he rushes. 

They draw their swords, brandish their shields and rush into the battle. 

One slays the wine-drunken Trojans, prolonging their dreams

To death, which ends all. Still another takes brands from the altars, And calls upon Troy's sacred temples to fight against Trojans. "

CHAPTER THE NINTIETH. 

Some of the public, who were loafing in the portico, threw stones at thereciting Eumolpus and he, taking note of this tribute to his genius, covered his head and bolted out of the temple. Fearing they might takeme for a poet, too, I followed after him in his flight and came to theseashore, where we stopped as soon as we were out of range. "Tell me, "I demanded, "what are you going to do about that disease of yours?You've loafed with me less than two hours, and you've talked more oftenlike a poet than you have like a human being! For this reason, I'm notat all surprised that the rabble chases you with rocks. I'm going toload my pockets with stones, too, and whenever you begin to go out ofyour head, I'm going to let blood out of it!" His expression changed. "My dear young man, " said he, "today is not the first time I have hadsuch compliments showered upon me; the audience always applauds me inthis fashion, when I go into the theatre to recite anything, but I'llabstain from this sort of diet for the whole day, for fear of havingtrouble with you. " "Good, " I replied, "we'll dine together if you'llswear off crankiness for the day. " (So saying, ) I gave the housekeeperthe orders for our little supper (and we went straight off to the baths. )

CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIRST. 

(There) I catch sight of Giton laden with towels and scrapers, leaning, downhearted and embarrassed, against the wall. You could see that he didnot serve of his own free will. Then, that I might assure myself that Isaw aright, "Take pity on me, brother, " he cried, turning towards me aface lighted up with joy, "there are no arms here, I can speak freelytake me away from that bloody robber, and punish your penitent judge asseverely as you like. To have perished, should you wish it, will be aconsolation great enough in my misery!" Fearing some one might overhearour plans, I bade him hush his complaints and, leaving Eumolpus behind--for he was reciting a poem in the bath--I pull Giton down a dark anddirty passage, after me, and fly with all speed to my lodgings. Arrivingthere, I slam the door shut, embrace him convulsively, and press my faceagainst his which is all wet with tears. For a long time, neither of uscould find his voice, and as for the lad, his shapely bosom was heavingcontinuously with choking sobs. "Oh the disgraceful inconsistency of itall, " I cried, "for I love you still, although you abandoned me, and noscar from that gaping wound is left upon this breast! What can you saythat will justify you in yielding your love to a stranger? Did I meritsuch an affront'?" He held his head higher when he found that he wasloved. 

 For one to love, and at the same time, blame, That were a labor Hercules to tame! Conflicting passions yield in Cupid's name. 

("And furthermore, " I went on), "I was not the one that laid the cause ofour love before another judge, but I will complain no more, I willremember nothing, if you will prove your penitence by keeping faith. "He wiped his face upon his mantle, while I poured out these words, withgroans and tears. "Encolpius, " said he, "I beseech you, I appeal to yourhonest recollection, did I leave you, or did you throw me over? For mypart, I admit, and openly at that, that I sought, refuge with thestronger, when I beheld two armed men. " I kissed that, bosom, so full ofprudence, threw my arms around his neck and pressed him tightly againstmy breast, that he might see unmistakably that he had gotten back into mygood graces, and that our friendship lived again in perfect confidence. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-SECOND. 

Night had fallen by this time, and the woman to whom I had given my orderhad prepared supper, when Eumolpus knocked at the door. "How many of youare there?" I called out, and as I spoke, I peeped cautiously through achink in the door to see if Ascyltos had come with him; then, as Iperceived that he was the only guest, I quickly admitted him. He threwhimself upon the pallet and caught sight of Giton, waiting table, whereupon, he nodded his head, "I like your Ganymede, " he remarked, "this day promises a good ending!" I did not take kindly to such aninquisitive beginning, fearing that I had let another Ascyltos into mylodging. Eumolpus stuck to his purpose. "I like you better than thewhole bathful, " he remarked, when the lad had served him with wine, thenhe thirstily drained the cup dry and swore that never before had hetasted a wine with such a satisfying tang to it. "While I was bathing, "he went on, "I was almost beaten up for trying to recite a poem to thepeople sitting around the basin, and when I had been thrown out of thebaths, just like I was out of the theatre, I hunted through every nookand cranny of the building, calling 'Encolpius, Encolpius, ' at the top ofmy voice. A naked youth at the other end, who had lost his clothes, wasbawling just as loudly and no less angrily for Giton! As for myself, theslaves took me for a maniac, and mimicked me in the most insolent manner, but a large crowd gathered around him, clapping its hands in awe-struckadmiration, for so heavy and massive were his private parts, that youwould have thought that the man himself was but an appendage of his ownmember! Oh such a man! He could do his bit all right! I haven't adoubt but that he could begin on the day before and never finish till theday after the next! And he soon found a friend, of course: some Romanknight or other, I don't know his name, but he bears a bad reputation, sothey say, threw his own mantle around the wanderer and took him off homewith himself, hoping, I suppose, to have the sole enjoyment of so huge aprize. But I couldn't get my own clothing back from the officious bathattendant till I found some one who could identify me, which only goes toshow that it is more profitable to rub up the member than it is to polishthe mind!" While Eumolpus was relating all this, I changed countenancecontinually, elated, naturally, at the mishaps of my enemy, and vexed athis good fortune; but I controlled my tongue nevertheless, as if I knewnothing about the episode, and read aloud the bill of fare. (Hardly hadI finished, when our humble meal was served. The food was plain butsucculent and nutritious, and the famished scholar Eumolpus, fell toravenously. )

 Kind Providence unto our needs has tempered its decrees And met our wants, our carping plaints to still Green herbs, and berries hanging on their rough and brambly sprays Suffice our hunger's gnawing pangs to kill. What fool would thirst upon a river's brink? Or stand and freeze In icy blasts, when near a cozy fire? The law sits armed outside the door, adulterers to seize, The chaste bride, guiltless, gratifies desire. All Nature lavishes her wealth to meet our just demands; But, spurred by lust of pride, we stop at naught to gain our ends!

(Our philosopher began to moralize, when he had gorged himself, levelingmany critical shafts at those who hold every-day things in contempt, esteeming nothing except what is rare. )

CHAPTER THE NINETY-THIRD. 

("To their perverted taste, " he went on, ) everything one may havelawfully is held cheap and the appetite, tickled only by forbiddenindulgences, delights in what is most difficult to obtain. 

 The pheasant from Colchis, the wild-fowl from African shores, Because they are dainties, the parvenu's palate adores

 The white-feathered goose, and the duck in his bright-colored plumes

 Must nourish the rabble; they're common, so them Fashion dooms!

 The wrasse brought from dangerous Syrtis is much more esteemed

 When fishing-boats founder! And even the mullet is deemed, No matter how heavy, a weight on the market! The whore

 Displaces the wife; and in perfumes, the cinnamon more

 Is esteemed than the rose! So whatever we have, we despise, And whatever we have not, we think a superlative prize!"

"Is this the way in which you keep your promise not to recite a singleverse today?" I demanded; "bear in mind your promise and spare us, atleast, for we have thrown no rocks at you yet. If a single one of thosefellows drinking under this very roof were to smell out a poet in theirmidst, he would arouse the whole neighborhood and involve all of us inthe same misunderstanding!" Giton, who was one of the gentlest of lads, took me to task for having spoken in that manner, denying that I didrightly in criticising my elders and at the same time forgetting myduties as host by offering an affront to one whom I had invited out ofkindness. And much more, full of moderation and propriety, which was inexquisite keeping with his good looks. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-FOURTH. 

"Happy the mother, " cried Eumolpus, "who bore such a son as you! Mayyour fortune be in keeping with your merit! Beauty and wisdom are rarelyfound mixed! And that you may not think that all your words are wasted, know that you have found a lover! I will fill my verses with yourpraise! I will act as your guardian and your tutor, following you evenwhen you bid me stay behind! Nor can Encolpius take offense, he lovesanother. " The soldier who took my sword from me did Eumolpus a goodturn, too; otherwise, the rage which I had felt against Ascyltos wouldhave been quenched in the blood of Eumolpus. Seeing what was in the wind, Giton slipped out of the room, pretending he was going after water, andby this diplomatic retreat he put an end to my fury. Then, as my angercooled, little by little, "Eumolpus, " I said, "rather than have youentertain designs of such a nature, I would even prefer to have youspouting poetry! I am hot-tempered and you are lecherous; see howuncongenial two such dispositions must be! Take me for a maniac, humormy malady: in other words, get out quick!" Taken completely aback bythis onslaught, Eumolpus crossed the threshold of the room withoutstopping to ask the reason for my wrath, and immediately slammed the doorshut, penning me in, as I was not looking for any move of that kind then, having quickly removed the key, he hurried away in search of Giton. Finding that I was locked in, I decided to hang myself, and had alreadyfastened my belt to the bedstead which stood alongside of the wall, andwas engaged in fastening the noose around my neck, when the doors wereunlocked and Eumolpus came in with Giton, recalling me to light when Iwas just about to turn the fatal goal-post! Giton was greatly wrought upand his grief turned to fury: seizing me with both hands, he threw meupon the bed. "If you think, Encolpius, " he shrieked, "that you cancontrive to die before I do, you're wrong! I thought of suicide first. I hunted for a sword in Ascyltos' house: I would have thrown myself froma precipice if I had not found you! You know that Death is never farfrom those who seek him, so take your turn and witness the spectacle youwished to see!" So saying, he snatched a razor from Eumolpus' servant, slashed his throat, once, twice, and fell down at our feet! I uttered aloud cry, rushed to him as he fell, and sought the road to death by thesame steel; Giton, however, showed not the faintest trace of any wound, nor was I conscious of feeling any pain. The razor, it turned out, wasuntempered and dull and was used to imbue boy apprentices with theconfidence of the experienced barber. Hence it was in a sheath and, forthe reason given above, the servant was not alarmed when the blade wassnatched nor did Eumolpus break in upon this farcical death scene. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIFTH. 

The landlord made his appearance with a part of our little supper, whilethis lover's comedy was being enacted and, taking in the very disorderlyspectacle which we presented, lying there and wallowing as we were, "Are you drunk, " he demanded, "or are you runaway slaves, or both?Who turned up that bed there? What's the meaning of all these sneakingpreparations? You didn't want to pay the room-rent, you didn't, byHercules, you didn't; you wanted to wait till night and run away into thepublic streets, but that won't go here! This is no widow's joint, I'llshow you that; not yet it ain't! This place belongs to MarcusManicius!" "So you threaten, do you'?" yelled Eumolpus, giving thefellow a resounding slap in the face. At this, the latter threw a smallearthenware pitcher, which had been emptied by the draughts of successiveguests, at Eumolpus' head, and cut open the forehead of his cursingadversary: then he skipped out of the room. Infuriated at such aninsult, Eumolpus snatched up a wooden candlestick, ran in pursuit of hisretreating foeman, and avenged his broken head with a shower of blows. The entire household crowded around, as did a number of drunken lodgers, but I seized this opportunity of retaliating and locked Eumolpus out, retorting his own trick upon the quarrelsome fellow, and found myselfwithout a rival, as it were, able to enjoy my room and my night'spleasure as well. In the meantime, Eumolpus, locked out as he was, was being very roughly handled by the cooks and scullions of theestablishment; one aimed a spitful of hissing-hot guts at his eyes;another grabbed a two-tined fork in the pantry and put himself on guard. But worst of all, a blear-eyed old hag, girded round with a filthy apron, and wearing wooden clogs which were not mates, dragged in an immense dogon a chain, and "sicked" him upon Eumolpus, but he beat off all attackswith his candlestick. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-SIXTH. 

We took in the entire performance through a hole in the folding-doors:this had been made but a short time before, when the handle had beenbroken and jerked out, and I wished him joy of his beating. Giton, however, forgetting everything except his own compassion, thought weought to open the door and succor Eumolpus, in his peril; but being stillangry, I could not restrain my hand; clenching my fist, I rapped hispitying head with my sharp knuckles. In tears, he sat upon the bed, while I applied each eye in turn, to the opening, filling myself up aswith a dainty dish, with Eumolpus' misfortunes, and gloating over theirprolongation, when Bargates, agent for the building, called from hisdinner, was carried into the midst of the brawl by two chair-men, for hehad the gout. He carried on for some time against drunkards and fugitiveslaves, in a savage tone and with a barbarous accent, and then, lookingaround and catching sight of Eumolpus, "What, " he exclaimed, "are youhere, nay prince of poets? and these damned slaves don't scatter at onceand stop their brawling!" (Then, whispering in Eumolpus' ear, ) "Mybedfellow's got an idea that she's finer-haired than I am; lampoon herin a poem, if you think anything of me, and make 'er ashamed. "

CHAPTER THE NINETY-SEVENTH. 

Eumolpus was speaking privately with Bargates, when a crier attended by apublic slave entered the inn, accompanied by a medium-sized crowd ofoutsiders. Waving a torch that gave out more smoke than light, heannounced: "Strayed from the baths, a short time ago, a boy about sixteenyears of age, curly headed, a minion, handsome, answers to the name ofGiton. One thousand sesterces reward will be paid to anyone bringing himback or giving information as to his whereabouts. " Ascyltos, dressed ina tunic of many colors, stood not far from the crier, holding out asilver tray upon which was piled the reward, as evidence of good faith. I ordered Giton to get under the bed immediately, telling him to stickhis hands and feet through the rope netting which supported the mattress, and, just as Ulysses of old had clung to the ram, so he, stretched outbeneath the mattress, would evade the hands of the hunters. And Gitondid not hesitate at obeying this order, but fastened his hands in thenetting for a moment, outdoing Ulysses in his own cunning! For fear ofleaving room for suspicion, I piled covers upon my pallet, leaving theimpression of a single person of my own stature. Meanwhile Ascyltos, incompany with the magistrate's servant, had ransacked all the rooms andhad come at last to mine, where he entertained greater hopes of success, because he found the doors carefully barred. The public slave loosenedthe bolts by inserting the edge of his ax in the chink. I threw myselfat Ascyltos' feet, begging him, by the memory of our friendship and ourcompanionship in suffering, to show me my "brother, " safe and sound, andfurthermore, that my simulated prayers might carry conviction, I added, "I know very well, Ascyltos, that you have come here seeking my life. If not, why the axes?

"Well, fatten your grudge, then! Here's my neck! Pour out that bloodyou seek to shed under pretext of a search!" Ascyltos repelled thissuspicion, affirming that he sought nothing except his own fugitive anddesired the death of neither man nor suppliant, and least of all did hewish to harm one whom, now that their quarrel was over, he regarded ashis dearest friend. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-EIGHTH. 

The public servant, however, was not derelict in the performance of hisduty for, snatching a cane from the innkeeper, he poked underneath thebed, ransacking every corner, even to the cracks in the wall. Twistinghis body out of reach, and cautiously drawing a full breath, Gitonpressed his mouth against the very bugs themselves. (The pair hadscarcely left the room) when Eumolpus burst in in great excitement, forthe doors had been broken and could keep no one out. "The thousandsesterces are mine, " he shouted, "I'll follow that crier out and tell himGiton is in your power, and it will serve you right, too!" Seeing thathis mind was made up, I embraced his knees and besought him not to kill adying man. "You might have some reason for being excited, " I said, "ifyou could produce the missing boy, but you cannot, as the thing standsnow, for he escaped into the crowd and I have not even a suspicion as towhere he has gone! Get the lad back, Eumolpus, for heaven's sake, evenif you do restore him to Ascyltos!" I had just succeeded in persuadinghim to believe all this when Giton, nearly suffocated from holding hisbreath, suddenly sneezed three times, and shook the bed. Eumolpus turnedat the commotion. "Hello, Giton, " he exclaimed, "glad to see you!" Thenhe turned back the mattress and discovered an Ulysses who even a ravenousCyclops might have spared; thereupon, he faced me, "You robber, " said he, "what does all this mean? You hadn't the nerve to tell me the truth evenwhen you were caught! If the god, that umpires human affairs hadn'tforced a sign from this boy as he hung there, I would be wandering fromone pot-house to another, like a fool!" (But) Giton was far more tactfulthan I: first of all, he dressed the cut upon Eumolpus' forehead, withspider's web soaked in oil; he then exchanged the poet's torn clothingfor his own cloak; this done, he embraced the old gentleman, who wasalready somewhat mollified, and poulticed him with kisses. "Dearest offathers, " he cried, "we are entirely in your hands! In yours alone! Ifyou love your Giton, do your best to save him. Would that some cruelflame might devour me, alone, or that the wintry sea might swallow me, for I am the cause for all these crimes. Two enemies would be reconciledif I should perish!" (Moved by our troubles, but particularly stirred byGiton's caresses, "You are fools, " exclaimed Eumolpus, "you certainlyare: here you are gifted with talents enough to make your fortunes andyou still lead a life of misery, and every day you bring new tormentsupon yourselves, as the fruits of your own acts!)"

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Death is never far from those who seek himEsteeming nothing except what is rareLove or art never yet made anyone richMan is hated when he declares himself an enemy to all vicePropensity of pouring one's personal troubles into another's earWhatever we have, we despise