THE O'RUDDY

 _A ROMANCE_

 BY

 STEPHEN CRANE

 _Author of "The Red Badge of Courage, " "Active Service, " "Wounds in the Rain, " etc. _

 AND

 ROBERT BARR

 _Author of "Tekla, " "In the Midst of Alarms, " "Over the Border, " "The Victors, " etc. _

 _With frontispiece by_

 C. D. WILLIAMS

 NEW YORK

 FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY

 PUBLISHERS

 _Copyright, 1903, _

 BY FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY

 * * * * *

THE O'RUDDY

CHAPTER I

My chieftain ancestors had lived at Glandore for many centuries andwere very well known. Hardly a ship could pass the Old Head of Kinsalewithout some boats putting off to exchange the time of day with her, and our family name was on men's tongues in half the seaports ofEurope, I dare say. My ancestors lived in castles which were likechurches stuck on end, and they drank the best of everything amid thejoyous cries of a devoted peasantry. But the good time passed awaysoon enough, and when I had reached the age of eighteen we had nobodyon the land but a few fisher-folk and small farmers, people who werealmost law-abiding, and my father came to die more from disappointmentthan from any other cause. Before the end he sent for me to come tohis bedside. 

"Tom, " he said, "I brought you into existence, and God help you safeout of it; for you are not the kind of man ever to turn your hand towork, and there is only enough money to last a gentleman five moreyears. 

"The 'Martha Bixby, ' she was, out of Bristol for the West Indies, andif it hadn't been for her we would never have got along this far withplenty to eat and drink. However, I leave you, besides the money, thetwo swords, --the grand one that King Louis, God bless him, gave me, and the plain one that will really be of use to you if you get into adisturbance. Then here is the most important matter of all. Here aresome papers which young Lord Strepp gave me to hold for him when wewere comrades in France. I don't know what they are, having had verylittle time for reading during my life, but do you return them to him. He is now the great Earl of Westport, and he lives in London in agrand house, I hear. In the last campaign in France I had to lend hima pair of breeches or he would have gone bare. These papers areimportant to him, and he may reward you, but do not you depend on it, for you may get the back of his hand. I have not seen him for years. Iam glad I had you taught to read. They read considerably in England, Ihear. There is one more cask of the best brandy remaining, and Irecommend you to leave for England as soon as it is finished. And now, one more thing, my lad, never be civil to a king's officer. Whereveryou see a red coat, depend there is a rogue between the front and theback of it. I have said everything. Push the bottle near me. "

Three weeks after my father's burial I resolved to set out, with nomore words, to deliver the papers to the Earl of Westport. I wasresolved to be prompt in obeying my father's command, for I wasextremely anxious to see the world, and my feet would hardly wait forme. I put my estate into the hands of old Mickey Clancy, and told himnot to trouble the tenants too much over the rent, or they probablywould split his skull for him. And I bid Father Donovan look out forold Mickey Clancy, that he stole from me only what was reasonable. 

I went to the Cove of Cork and took ship there for Bristol, andarrived safely after a passage amid great storms which blew us so nearGlandore that I feared the enterprise of my own peasantry. Bristol, Iconfess, frightened me greatly. I had not imagined such a huge andteeming place. All the ships in the world seemed to lie there, and thequays were thick with sailor-men. The streets rang with noise. Isuddenly found that I was a young gentleman from the country. 

I followed my luggage to the best inn, and it was very splendid, fitto be a bishop's palace. It was filled with handsomely dressed peoplewho all seemed to be yelling, "Landlord! landlord!" And there was alittle fat man in a white apron who flew about as if he were beingstung by bees, and he was crying, "Coming, sir! Yes, madam! At once, your ludship!" They heeded me no more than if I had been an emptyglass. I stood on one leg, waiting until the little fat man shouldeither wear himself out or attend all the people. But it was to nopurpose. He did not wear out, nor did his business finish, so finallyI was obliged to plant myself in his way, but my speech was decentenough as I asked him for a chamber. Would you believe it, he stoppedabruptly and stared at me with sudden suspicion. My speech had been socivil that he had thought perhaps I was a rogue. I only give you thisincident to show that if later I came to bellow like a bull with thebest of them, it was only through the necessity of proving tostrangers that I was a gentleman. I soon learned to enter an inn as adrunken soldier goes through the breach into a surrendering city. 

Having made myself as presentable as possible, I came down from mychamber to seek some supper. The supper-room was ablaze with light andwell filled with persons of quality, to judge from the noise that theywere making. My seat was next to a garrulous man in plum-colour, whoseemed to know the affairs of the entire world. As I dropped into mychair he was saying--

"--the heir to the title, of course. Young Lord Strepp. That ishe--the slim youth with light hair. Oh, of course, all in shipping. The Earl must own twenty sail that trade from Bristol. He is postingdown from London, by the way, to-night. "

You can well imagine how these words excited me. I half arose from mychair with the idea of going at once to the young man who had beenindicated as Lord Strepp, and informing him of my errand, but I had asudden feeling of timidity, a feeling that it was necessary to beproper with these people of high degree. I kept my seat, resolving toaccost him directly after supper. I studied him with interest. He wasa young man of about twenty years, with fair unpowdered hair and aface ruddy from a life in the open air. He looked generous and kindly, but just at the moment he was damning a waiter in language that wouldhave set fire to a stone bridge. Opposite him was a clear-eyedsoldierly man of about forty, whom I had heard called "Colonel, " andat the Colonel's right was a proud, dark-skinned man who kept lookingin all directions to make sure that people regarded him, seated thuswith a lord. 

They had drunk eight bottles of port, and in those days eight bottlescould just put three gentlemen in pleasant humour. As the ninth bottlecame on the table the Colonel cried--

"Come, Strepp, tell us that story of how your father lost his papers. Gad, that's a good story. "

"No, no, " said the young lord. "It isn't a good story, and besides myfather never tells it at all. I misdoubt it's truth. "

The Colonel pounded the table. "'Tis true. 'Tis too good a story to befalse. You know the story, Forister?" said he, turning to thedark-skinned man. The latter shook his head. 

"Well, when the Earl was a young man serving with the French he ratherrecklessly carried with him some valuable papers relating to someestates in the North, and once the noble Earl--or Lord Strepp as hewas then--found it necessary, after fording a stream, to hang hisbreeches on a bush to dry, and then a certain blackguard of a wildIrishman in the corps came along and stole--"

But I had arisen and called loudly but with dignity up the long table, "That, sir, is a lie. " The room came still with a bang, if I may beallowed that expression. Every one gaped at me, and the Colonel's faceslowly went the colour of a tiled roof. 

"My father never stole his lordship's breeches, for the good reasonthat at the time his lordship had no breeches. 'Twas the other way. Myfather--"

Here the two long rows of faces lining the room crackled for a moment, and then every man burst into a thunderous laugh. But I had flung tothe winds my timidity of a new country, and I was not to be put downby these clowns. 

"'Tis a lie against an honourable man and my father, " I shouted. "Andif my father hadn't provided his lordship with breeches, he would havegone bare, and there's the truth. And, " said I, staring at theColonel, "I give the lie again. We are never obliged to give it twicein my country. "

The Colonel had been grinning a little, no doubt thinking, along witheverybody else in the room, that I was drunk or crazy; but this lasttwist took the smile off his face clean enough, and he came to hisfeet with a bound. I awaited him. But young Lord Strepp and Foristergrabbed him and began to argue. At the same time there came down uponme such a deluge of waiters and pot-boys, and, may be, hostlers, thatI couldn't have done anything if I had been an elephant. They werefrightened out of their wits and painfully respectful, but all thesame and all the time they were bundling me toward the door. "Sir!Sir! Sir! I beg you, sir! Think of the 'ouse, sir! Sir! Sir! Sir!" AndI found myself out in the hall. 

Here I addressed them calmly. "Loose me and takes yourselves offquickly, lest I grow angry and break some dozen of these woodenheads. " They took me at my word and vanished like ghosts. Then thelandlord came bleating, but I merely told him that I wanted to go tomy chamber, and if anybody inquired for me I wished him conducted upat once. 

In my chamber I had not long to wait. Presently there were steps inthe corridor and a knock at my door. At my bidding the door opened andLord Strepp entered. I arose and we bowed. He was embarrassed andrather dubious. 

"Aw, " he began, "I come, sir, from Colonel Royale, who begs to beinformed who he has had the honour of offending, sir?"

"'Tis not a question for your father's son, my lord, " I answeredbluntly at last. 

"You are, then, the son of The O'Ruddy?"

"No, " said I. "I am The O'Ruddy. My father died a month gone andmore. "

"Oh!" said he. And I now saw why he was embarrassed. He had fearedfrom the beginning that I was altogether too much in the right. "Oh!"said he again. I made up my mind that he was a good lad. "That isdif--" he began awkwardly. "I mean, Mr. O'Ruddy--oh, damn it all, youknow what I mean, Mr. O'Ruddy!"

I bowed. "Perfectly, my lord!" I did not understand him, of course. 

"I shall have the honour to inform Colonel Royale that Mr. O'Ruddy isentitled to every consideration, " he said more collectedly. "If Mr. O'Ruddy will have the goodness to await me here?"

"Yes, my lord. " He was going in order to tell the Colonel that I was agentleman. And of course he returned quickly with the news. But he didnot look as if the message was one which he could deliver with a glibtongue. "Sir, " he began, and then halted. I could but courteouslywait. "Sir, Colonel Royale bids me say that he is shocked to find thathe has carelessly and publicly inflicted an insult upon an unknowngentleman through the memory of the gentleman's dead father. ColonelRoyale bids me to say, sir, that he is overwhelmed with regret, andthat far from taking an initial step himself it is his duty to expressto you his feeling that his movements should coincide with anyarrangements you may choose to make. "

I was obliged to be silent for a considerable period in order togather head and tail of this marvellous sentence. At last I caught it. "At daybreak I shall walk abroad, " I replied, "and I have no doubtthat Colonel Royale will be good enough to accompany me. I knownothing of Bristol. Any cleared space will serve. "

My Lord Strepp bowed until he almost knocked his forehead on thefloor. "You are most amiable, Mr. O'Ruddy. You of course will give methe name of some friend to whom I can refer minor matters?"

I found that I could lie in England as readily as ever I did inIreland. "My friend will be on the ground with me, my lord; and as healso is a very amiable man it will not take two minutes to makeeverything clear and fair. " Me, with not a friend in the world butFather O'Donovan and Mickey Clancy at Glandore!

Lord Strepp bowed again, the same as before. "Until the morning then, Mr. O'Ruddy, " he said, and left me. 

I sat me down on my bed to think. In truth I was much puzzled andamazed. These gentlemen were actually reasonable and were behavinglike men of heart. Neither my books nor my father's stories--greatlies, many of them, God rest him!--had taught me that the duellinggentry could think at all, and I was quite certain that they nevertried. "You were looking at me, sir?" "Was I, 'faith? Well, if I careto look at you I shall look at you. " And then away they would go atit, prodding at each other's bellies until somebody's flesh swalloweda foot of steel. "Sir, I do not like the colour of your coat!" Clash!"Sir, red hair always offends me. " Cling! "Sir, your fondness forrabbit-pie is not polite. " Clang!

However, the minds of young Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale seemed tobe capable of a process which may be termed human reflection. It wasplain that the Colonel did not like the situation at all, and perhapsconsidered himself the victim of a peculiarly exasperating combinationof circumstances. That an Irishman should turn up in Bristol and givehim the lie over a French pair of breeches must have seemedastonishing to him, notably when he learned that the Irishman wasquite correct, having in fact a clear title to speak authoritativelyupon the matter of the breeches. And when Lord Strepp learned that Iwas The O'Ruddy he saw clearly that the Colonel was in the wrong, andthat I had a perfect right to resent the insult to my father's memory. And so the Colonel probably said: "Look you, Strepp. I have no desireto kill this young gentleman, because I insulted his father's name. Itis out of all decency. And do you go to him this second time and seewhat may be done in the matter of avoidance. But, mark you, if heexpresses any wishes, you of course offer immediate accommodation. Iwill not wrong him twice. " And so up came my Lord Strepp and hemmedand hawed in that way which puzzled me. A pair of thoughtful, honourable fellows, these, and I admired them greatly. 

There was now no reason why I should keep my chamber, since if I nowmet even the Colonel himself there would be no brawling; only bows. Iwas not, indeed, fond of these latter, --replying to Lord Strepp hadalmost broken my back; but, any how, more bows were better than moreloud words and another downpour of waiters and pot-boys. 

But I had reckoned without the dark-skinned man, Forister. When Iarrived in the lower corridor and was passing through it on my way totake the air, I found a large group of excited people talking of thequarrel and the duel that was to be fought at daybreak. I thought itwas a great hubbub over a very small thing, but it seems that themainspring of the excitement was the tongue of this black Forister. "Why, the Irish run naked through their native forests, " he wascrying. "Their sole weapon is the great knotted club, with which, however, they do not hesitate, when in great numbers, to attack lionsand tigers. But how can this barbarian face the sword of an officer ofHis Majesty's army?"

Some in the group espied my approach, and there was a nudging ofelbows. There was a general display of agitation, and I marvelled atthe way in which many made it to appear that they had not formed partof the group at all. Only Forister was cool and insolent. He staredfull at me and grinned, showing very white teeth. "Swords are verydifferent from clubs, great knotted clubs, " he said with admirabledeliberation. 

"Even so, " rejoined I gravely. "Swords are for gentlemen, while clubsare to clout the heads of rogues--thus. " I boxed his ear with my openhand, so that he fell against the wall. "I will now picture also theuse of boots by kicking you into the inn yard which is adjacent. " Sosaying I hurled him to the great front door which stood open, andthen, taking a sort of hop and skip, I kicked for glory and theSaints. 

I do not know that I ever kicked a man with more success. He shot outas if he had been heaved by a catapult. There was a dreadful uproarbehind me, and I expected every moment to be stormed by thewaiter-and-pot-boy regiment. However I could hear some of thegentlemen bystanding cry:

"Well done! Well kicked! A record! A miracle!"

But my first hours on English soil contained still other festivities. Bright light streamed out from the great door, and I could plainlynote what I shall call the arc or arcs described by Forister. Hestruck the railing once, but spun off it, and to my great astonishmentwent headlong and slap-crash into some sort of an upper servant whohad been approaching the door with both arms loaded with cloaks, cushions, and rugs. 

I suppose the poor man thought that black doom had fallen upon himfrom the sky. He gave a great howl as he, Forister, the cloaks, cushions, and rugs spread out grandly in one sublime confusion. 

Some ladies screamed, and a bold commanding voice said: "In thedevil's name what have we here?" Behind the unhappy servant had beencoming two ladies and a very tall gentleman in a black cloak thatreached to his heels. "What have we here?" again cried this tall man, who looked like an old eagle. He stepped up to me haughtily. I knewthat I was face to face with the Earl of Westport. 

But was I a man for ever in the wrong that I should always be givingdown and walking away with my tail between my legs? Not I; I stoodbravely to the Earl:

"If your lordship pleases, 'tis The O'Ruddy kicking a blackguard intothe yard, " I made answer coolly. 

I could see that he had been about to shout for the landlord and morewaiters and pot-boys, but at my naming myself he gave a quick stare. 

"The O'Ruddy?" he repeated. "Rubbish!"

He was startled, bewildered; but I could not tell if he were glad orgrieved. 

"'Tis all the name I own, " I said placidly. "My father left it meclear, it being something that he could not mortgage. 'Twas on hisdeath-bed he told me of lending you the breeches, and that is why Ikicked the man into the yard; and if your lordship had arrived soonerI could have avoided this duel at daybreak, and, any how, I wonder athis breeches fitting you. He was a small man. "

Suddenly the Earl raised his hand. "Enough, " he said sternly. "You areyour father's son. Come to my chamber in the morning, O'Ruddy. "

There had been little chance to see what was inside the cloaks of theladies, but at the words of the Earl there peeped from one hood a pairof bright liquid eyes--God save us all! In a flash I was no longer afree man; I was a dazed slave; the Saints be good to us!

The contents of the other hood could not have been so interesting, forfrom it came the raucous voice of a bargeman with a cold:

"Why did he kick him? Whom did he kick? Had he cheated at play? Wherehas he gone?"

The upper servant appeared, much battered and holding his encrimsonednose. 

"My lord--" he began. 

But the Earl roared at him, --

"Hold your tongue, rascal, and in future look where you are going anddon't get in a gentleman's way. "

The landlord, in a perfect anguish, was hovering with his squadrons onthe flanks. They could not think of pouncing upon me if I was noticedat all by the great Earl; but, somewhat as a precaution perhaps, theyremained in form for attack. I had no wish that the pair of brighteyes should see me buried under a heap of these wretches, so I bowedlow to the ladies and to the Earl and passed out of doors. As I left, the Earl moved his hand to signify that he was now willing to endurethe attendance of the landlord and his people, and in a moment the innrang with hurried cries and rushing feet. 

As I passed near the taproom window the light fell full upon arailing; just beneath and over this railing hung two men. At first Ithought they were ill, but upon passing near I learned that they weresimply limp and helpless with laughter, the sound of which theycontrived to keep muffled. To my surprise I recognized the persons ofyoung Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale. 

CHAPTER II

The night was growing, and as I was to fight at daybreak I needed agood rest; but I could not forget that in my pride I had told LordStrepp that I was provided with a friend to attend me at the duel. Itwas on my mind. I must achieve a friend, or Colonel Royale might quiteproperly refuse to fight me on the usual grounds that if he killed methere would be present no adherent of my cause to declare that thefight was fair. And any how I had lied so thoroughly to Lord Strepp. Imust have a friend. 

But how was I to carve a friend out of this black Bristol at suchshort notice? My sense told me that friends could not be found in theroad like pebbles, but some curious feeling kept me abroad, scanningby the light of the lanterns or the torches each face that passed me. A low dull roar came from the direction of the quay, and this was thenoise of the sailor-men, being drunk. I knew that there would be nonefound there to suit my purpose, but my spirit led me to wander so thatI could not have told why I went this way or that way. 

Of a sudden I heard from a grassy bank beside me the sound of low andstrenuous sobbing. I stopped dead short to listen, moved byinstinctive recognition. Aye, I was right. It was Irish keening. Someson of Erin was spelling out his sorrow to the darkness with thatprofound and garrulous eloquence which is in the character of mypeople. 

"Wirra, wirra! Sorrow the day I would be leaving Ireland against myown will and intention, and may the rocks go out to meet the luggerthat brought me here! It's beginning to rain, too! Sure it never rainslike this in Ireland! And me without a brass penny to buy a bed! Ifthe Saints save me from England, 'tis al--"

"Come out of that, now!" said I. 

The monologue ceased; there was a quick silence. Then the voice, muchaltered, said: "Who calls? 'Tis may be an Irish voice!"

"It is, " said I. "I've swallowed as much peat smoke as any man of myyears. Come out of that now, and let me have a look at you. "

He came trustfully enough, knowing me to be Irish, and I examined himas well as I was able in the darkness. He was what I expected, abedraggled vagabond with tear-stains on his dirty cheeks and a vastshock of hair which I well knew would look, in daylight, like aburning haycock. And as I examined him he just as carefully examinedme. I could see his shrewd blue eyes twinkling. 

"You are a red man, " said I. "I know the strain; 'tis better thansome. Your family must have been very inhospitable people. " And then, thinking that I had spent enough time, I was about to give the fellowsome coin and send him away. But here a mad project came into my emptyhead. I had ever been the victim of my powerful impulses, which surgeup within me and sway me until I can only gasp at my own conduct. Thesight of this red-headed scoundrel had thrust an idea into my head, and I was a lost man. 

"Mark you!" said I to him. "You know what I am?"

"'Tis hard to see in the dark, " he answered; "but I mistrust you are agentleman, sir. McDermott of the Three Trees had a voice and a waywith him like you, and Father Burk too, and he was a gentleman born ifhe could only remain sober. "

"Well, you've hit it, in the dark or whatever, " said I. "I am agentleman. Indeed I am an O'Ruddy. Have you ever been hearing of myfamily?"

"Not of your honour's branch of it, sure, " he made answer confidently. "But I have often been hearing of the O'Ruddys of Glandore, who arewell known to be such great robbers and blackguards that their matchis not to be found in all the south of Ireland. Nor in the west, neither, for that matter. "

"Aye, " said I, "I have heard that that branch of the family was muchadmired by the peasantry for their qualities. But let us have donewith it and speak of other matters. I want a service of you. "

"Yes, your honour, " said he, dropping his voice. "May be 'twill not bethe first time I've been behind a ditch; but the light to-night isvery bad unless I am knowing him well, and I would never be forgettinghow Tim Malone let fly in the dark of a night like this, thinking itwas a bailiff, until she screamed out with the pain in her leg, thepoor creature, and her beyond seventy and a good Catholic. "

"Come out of it now!" said I impatiently. "You will be behind noditch. " And as we walked back to the inn I explained to my new man thepart I wished him to play. He was amazed at it, and I had to explainfifty times; but when it once was established in his red head Paddywas wild with enthusiasm, and I had to forbid him telling me how wellhe would do it. 

I had them give him some straw in the stable, and then retired to mychamber for needed rest. Before dawn I had them send Paddy to me, andby the light of a new fire I looked at him. Ye Saints! What hair! Itmust have been more than a foot in length, and the flaming strandsradiated in all directions from an isolated and central spire whichshot out straight toward the sky. I knew what to do with his tatters, but that crimson thatch dumfounded me. However there was no going backnow, so I set to work upon him. Luckily my wardrobe represented threegenerations of O'Ruddy clothes, and there was a great plenty. I put myimpostor in a suit of blue velvet with a flowered waistcoat andstockings of pink. I gave him a cocked hat and a fine cloak. I workedwith success up to the sword-belt, and there I was checked. I had twoswords, but only one belt. However, I slung the sword which King Louishad given my father on a long string from Paddy's neck and sternly bidhim keep his cloak tight about him. We were ready. 

"Now, Paddy, " said I, "do you bow in this manner. " I bowed as agentleman should. But I will not say how I strove with him. I could dolittle in that brief space. If he remained motionless and kept histongue still he was somewhat near his part, but the moment he moved hewas astonishing. I depended on keeping him under my eye, and I toldhim to watch me like a cat. "Don't go thinking how grand you are, thatway, " I cried to him angrily. "If you make a blunder of it, thegentlemen will cudgel you, mark you that. Do you as I direct you. Andthe string, curse you. Mind your cloak!" The villain had bethought himof his flowered waistcoat, and with a comic air flung back his coat todisplay it. "Take your fingers out of your mouth. Stop scratching yourshin with your foot. Leave your hair alone. 'Tis as good and as bad asyou can make it. Come along now, and hold your tongue like a gravenimage if you would not be having me stop the duel to lather you. "

We marched in good order out of the inn. We saw our two gentlemenawaiting us, wrapped in their cloaks, for the dawn was cold. Theybowed politely, and as I returned their salute I said in a low, quickaside to Paddy:

"Now, for the love of God, bow for your life!"

My intense manner must have frightened the poor thing, for he duckedas swiftly as if he had been at a fair in Ireland and somebody hadhove a cobble at his head. 

"Come up!" I whispered, choking with rage. "Come up! You'll bebreaking your nose on the road. "

He straightened himself, looking somewhat bewildered, and said:

"What was it? Was I too slow? Did I do it well?"

"Oh, fine, " said I. "Fine. You do it as well as that once more, andyou will probably break your own neck, and 'tis not me will be buyingmasses for your soul, you thief. Now don't drop as if a gamekeeper hadshot at you. There is no hurry in life. Be quiet and easy. "

"I mistrusted I was going too fast, " said he; "but for the life of meI couldn't pull up. If I had been the Dublin mail, and the road thickas fleas with highwaymen, I should have gone through them grand. "

My Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale had not betrayed the slightestsurprise at the appearance of my extraordinary companion. Theirsmooth, regular faces remained absolutely imperturbable. This I tookto be very considerate of them, but I gave them just a little morethan their due, as I afterward perceived when I came to understand theEnglish character somewhat. The great reason was that Paddy and I wereforeigners. It is not to be thought that gentlemen of their positionwould have walked out for a duel with an Englishman in the party of sofantastic an appearance. They would have placed him at once as aperson impossible and altogether out of their class. They would havetold a lackey to kick this preposterous creation into the horse-pond. But since Paddy was a foreigner he was possessed of some curiouslicense, and his grotesque ways could be explained fully in the simplephrase, "'Tis a foreigner. "

So, then, we preceded my Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale through anumber of narrow streets and out into some clear country. I chose afine open bit of green turf as a goodly place for us to meet, and Iwarped Paddy through the gate and moved to the middle of the field. Idrew my sword and saluted, and then turned away. I had told Paddyeverything which a heaven-sent sense of instruction could suggest, andif he failed I could do no more than kill him. 

After I had kicked him sharply he went aside with Lord Strepp, andthey indulged in what sounded like a very animated discussion. Finally I was surprised to see Lord Strepp approaching me. He said:

"It is very irregular, but I seem unable to understand your friend. Hehas proposed to me that the man whose head is broken first--I do notperfectly understand what he could mean by that; it does not enter ouranticipations that a man could possibly have his head broken--he hasproposed that the man whose head may be broken first should provide'lashings'--I feel sure that is the word--lashings of meat and drinkat some good inn for the others. Lashings is a word which I do notknow. We do not know how to understand you gentlemen when you speak oflashings. I am instructed to meet any terms which you may suggest, butI find that I cannot make myself clear to your friend who speaks ofnothing but lashings. "

"Sir, " said I, as I threw coat and waistcoat on the grass, "my friendrefers to a custom of his own country. You will, I feel sure, pardonhis misconception of the circumstances. Pray accept my regrets, and, if you please, I am ready. "

He immediately signified that his mind was now clear, and that theincident of Paddy's lashings he regarded as closed. As for thatflame-headed imp of crime, if I could have got my hands upon him hewould have taken a short road to his fathers. Him and his lashings! AsI stood there with a black glare at him, the impudent scoundrelrepeatedly winked at me with the readable information that if I onlywould be patient and bide a moment he would compass something veryclever. As I faced Colonel Royale I was so wild with thinking of whatI would do to Paddy, that, for all I knew, I might have been crossingswords with my mother. 

And now as to this duel. I will not conceal that I was a very finefencer in both the French and Italian manners. My father was in hisday one of the finest blades in Paris, and had fought with some of themost skillful and impertinent gentlemen in all France. He had done hisbest to give me his eye and his wrist, and sometimes he would say thatI was qualified to meet all but the best in the world. He commonlymade fun of the gentlemen of England, saying that a dragoon was theirideal of a man with a sword; and he would add that the rapier was aweapon which did not lend itself readily to the wood-chopper's art. Hewas all for the French and Italian schools. 

I had always thought that my father's judgment was very good, but Icould not help reflecting that if it turned out to be bad I would havea grievance as well as a sword-thrust in the body. Colonel Royale cameat me in a somewhat leisurely manner, and, as I said, my mind was sofull of rage at Paddy that I met the first of my opponent's thruststhrough sheer force of habit. But my head was clear a moment later, and I knew that I was fighting my first duel in England and for myfather's honour. It was no time to think of Paddy. 

Another moment later I knew that I was the Colonel's master. I couldreach him where I chose. But he did not know it. He went on proddingaway with a serious countenance, evidently under the impression thathe had me hard put to it. He was as grave as an owl-faced parson. Andnow here I did a sorry thing. I became the victim of another of my madimpulses. I was seized with an ungovernable desire to laugh. It washideous. But laugh I did, and, of necessity, square in the Colonel'sface. And to this day I regret it. 

Then the real duel began. At my laugh the Colonel instantly lost hisgrave air, and his countenance flushed with high, angry surprise. Hebeset me in a perfect fury, caring no more for his guard than if hehad been made of iron. Never have I seen such quick and tremendouschange in a man. I had laughed at him under peculiar conditions: verywell, then; he was a demon. Thrice my point pricked him to keep himoff, and thrice my heart was in my mouth that he would come onregardless. The blood oozed out on his white ruffled shirt; he waspanting heavily, and his eyes rolled. He was a terrible sight to face. At last I again touched him, and this time sharply and in the swordarm, and upon the instant my Lord Strepp knocked our blades apart. 

"Enough, " he cried sternly. "Back, Colonel! Back!"

The Colonel flung himself sobbing into his friend's arms, choking out, "O God, Strepp! I couldn't reach him. I couldn't reach him, Strepp!Oh, my God!"

At the same time I disappeared, so to speak, in the embrace of myred-headed villain, who let out an Irish howl of victory that shouldhave been heard at Glandore. "Be quiet, rascal, " I cried, flinging himoff. But he went on with his howling until I was obliged forcibly tolead him to a corner of the field, where he exclaimed:

"Oh, your honour, when I seen the other gentleman, all blazing withrage, rush at you that way, and me with not so much as a tuppence forall my service to you excepting these fine clothes and the sword, although I am thinking I shall have little to do with swords if thisis the way they do it, I said, 'Sorrow the day England saw me!'"

If I had a fool for a second, Colonel Royale had a fine, wise youngman. Lord Strepp was dealing firmly and coolly with his maddenedprincipal. 

"I can fight with my left hand, " the Colonel was screaming. "I tellyou, Strepp, I am resolved! Don't bar my way! I will kill him! I willkill him!"

"You are not in condition to fight, " said the undisturbed young man. "You are wounded in four places already. You are in my hands. You willfight no more to-day. "

"But, Strepp!" wailed the Colonel. "Oh, my God, Strepp!"

"You fight no more to-day, " said the young lord. 

Then happened unexpected interruptions. Paddy told me afterward thatduring the duel a maid had looked over a wall and yelled, and droppeda great brown bowl at sight of our occupation. She must have been theinstrument that aroused the entire county, for suddenly men camerunning from everywhere. And the little boys! There must have beenlittle boys from all over England. 

"What is it? What is it?"

"Two gentlemen have been fighting!"

"Oh, aye, look at him with the blood on him!"

"Well, and there is young my Lord Strepp. He'd be deep in the matter, I warrant you!"

"Look yon, Bill! Mark the gentleman with the red hair. He's not fromthese parts, truly. Where, think you, he comes from?"

"'Tis a great marvel to see such hair, and I doubt not he comes fromAfrica. "

They did not come very near, for in those days there was little thepeople feared but a gentleman, and small wonder. However, when thelittle boys judged that the delay in a resumption of the fight was tooprolonged, they did not hesitate to express certain unconventionalopinions and commands. 

"Hurry up, now!"

"Go on!"

"You're both afeared!"

"Begin! Begin!"

"Are the gentlemen in earnest?"

"Sirs, do you mean ever to fight again? Begin, begin. "

But their enthusiasm waxed high after they had thoroughly comprehendedPaddy and his hair. 

"You're alight, sir; you're alight!"

"Water! Water!"

"Farmer Pelton will have the officers at you an you go near his hay. Water!"

Paddy understood that they were paying tribute to his importance, andhe again went suddenly out of my control. He began to strut and caperand pose with the air of knowing that he was the finest gentleman inEngland. 

"Paddy, you baboon, " said I, "be quiet and don't be making yourself alaughing-stock for the whole of them. "

But I could give small heed to him, for I was greatly occupied inwatching Lord Strepp and the Colonel. The Colonel was listening nowto his friend for the simple reason that the loss of blood had madehim too weak to fight again. Of a sudden he slumped gently downthrough Lord Strepp's arms to the ground, and, as the young man knelt, he cast his eyes about him until they rested upon me in what I took tobe mute appeal. I ran forward, and we quickly tore his fine ruffles topieces and succeeded in quite stanching his wounds, none of which wereserious. "'Tis only a little blood-letting, " said my Lord Strepp withsomething of a smile. "'Twill cool him, perchance. "

"None of them are deep, " I cried hastily. "I--"

But Lord Strepp stopped me with a swift gesture. "Yes, " he said, "Iknew. I could see. But--" He looked at me with troubled eyes. "It isan extraordinary situation. You have spared him, and--he will not wishto be spared, I feel sure. Most remarkable case. "

"Well, I won't kill him, " said I bluntly, having tired of thisrubbish. "Damme if I will!"

Lord Strepp laughed outright. "It is ridiculous, " he said. "Do youreturn, O'Ruddy, and leave me the care of this business. And, " addedhe, with embarrassed manner, "this mixture is full strange; but--Ifeel sure--any how, I salute you, sir. " And in his bow he paid asensible tribute to my conduct. 

Afterward there was nought to do but gather in Paddy and return to theinn. I found my countryman swaggering to and fro before the crowd. Some ignoramus, or some wit, had dubbed him the King of Ireland, andhe was playing to the part. 

"Paddy, you red-headed scandal, " said I, "come along now!"

When he heard me, he came well enough; but I could not help but feelfrom his manner that he had made a great concession. 

"And so they would be taking me for the King of Ireland, and, sure, 'tis an advantage to be thought a king whatever, and if your honourwould be easy 'tis you and me that would sleep in the finest beds inBristol the night, and nothing to do but take the drink as it washanded and--I'll say no more. "

A rabble followed us on our way to the inn, but I turned on them sofiercely from time to time that ultimately they ran off. We madedirect for my chamber, where I ordered food and drink immediately tobe served. Once alone there with Paddy I allowed my joy to take holdon me. "Eh, Paddy, my boy, " said I, walking before him, "I have donegrand. I am, indeed, one of the finest gentlemen in the world. "

"Aye, that's true, " he answered, "but there was a man at your backthroughout who--"

To his extreme astonishment I buffeted him heavily upon the cheek. "And we'll have no more of that talk, " said I. 

CHAPTER III

"Aye!" said Paddy, holding his jowl; "'tis what one gets for serving agentleman. 'Tis the service of a good truthful blackguard I'd belooking for, and that's true for me. "

"Be quiet and mind what I tell you, " I cried to him. "I'm upliftedwith my success in England, and I won't be hearing anything from youwhile I am saying that I am one of the grandest gentlemen in all theworld. I came over here with papers--papers!" said I; and then Ibethought me that I would take the papers and wave them in my hand. Idon't know why people wish to wave important documents in their hands, but the impulse came to me. Above all things I wished to take thesepapers and wave them defiantly, exultantly, in the air. They were myinheritance and my land of promise; they were everything. I must wavethem even to the chamber, empty save for Paddy. 

When I reached for them in the proper place in my luggage they weregone. I wheeled like a tiger upon Paddy. 

"Villain, " I roared, grasping him at the throat, "you have them!"

He sank in full surrender to his knees. 

"I have, your honour, " he wailed; "but, sure, I never thought yourhonour would care, since one of them is badly worn at the heel, andthe other is no better than no boot at all. "

I was cooled by the incontestable verity of this man. I sat heavilydown in a chair by the fire. 

"Aye, " said I stupidly, "the boots! I did not mean the boots, althoughwhen you took them passes my sense of time. I mean some papers. "

"Some papers!" cried he excitedly. "Your honour never thought it wouldbe me that would steal papers? Nothing less than good cows would do mypeople, and a bit of turf now and then, but papers--"

"Peace!" said I sombrely, and began to search my luggage thoroughlyfor my missing inheritance. But it was all to no purpose. The paperswere not there. I could not have lost them. They had been stolen. Isaw my always-flimsy inheritance melt away. I had been, I thought, onthe edge of success, but I now had nothing but my name, a successfulduel, and a few pieces of gold. I was buried in defeat. 

Of a sudden a name shot through my mind. The name of this blackForister was upon me violently and yet with perfect sureness. It washe who had stolen the papers. I knew it. I felt it in every bone. Hehad taken the papers. 

I have since been told that it is very common for people to be movedby these feelings of omen, which are invariably correct in theirparticulars; but at the time I thought it odd that I should be socertain that Forister had my papers. However, I had no time to wastein thinking. I grasped my pistols. "A black man--black as the devil, "cried I to Paddy. "Help me catch a little black man. "

"Sure!" said Paddy, and we sallied forth. 

In a moment I was below and crying to the landlord in as fine a furyas any noble:

"This villain Forister! And where be he?"

The landlord looked at me with bulging eyes. "Master Forister, " hestammered. "Aye--aye--he's been agone these many hours since yourlordship kicked him. He took horse, he did, for Bath, he did. "

"Horses!" I roared. "Horses for two gentlemen!" And the stableyard, very respectful since my duel, began to ring with cries. The landlordpleaded something about his bill, and in my impatience I hurled to himall of my gold save one piece. The horses came soon enough, and Ileaped into the saddle and was away to Bath after Forister. As Igalloped out of the inn yard I heard a tumult behind me, and, lookingback, I saw three hostlers lifting hard at Paddy to raise him into thesaddle. He gave a despairing cry when he perceived me leaving him atsuch speed, but my heart was hardened to my work. I must catchForister. 

It was a dark and angry morning. The rain swept across my face, andthe wind flourished my cloak. The road, glistening steel and brown, was no better than an Irish bog for hard riding. Once I passed achaise with a flogging post-boy and steaming nags. Once I overtook afarmer jogging somewhere on a fat mare. Otherwise I saw no travellers. 

I was near my journey's end when I came to a portion of the road whichdipped down a steep hill. At the foot of this hill was an oak-tree, and under this tree was a man masked and mounted, and in his hand wasa levelled pistol. 

"Stand!" he said. "Stand!"

I knew his meaning, but when a man has lost a documentary fortune andgiven an innkeeper all but his last guinea, he is sure to be filledwith fury at the appearance of a third and completing misfortune. Witha loud shout I drew my pistol and rode like a demon at the highwayman. He fired, but his bullet struck nothing but the flying tails of mycloak. As my horse crashed into him I struck at his pate with mypistol. An instant later we both came a mighty downfall, and when Icould get my eyes free of stars I arose and drew my sword. Thehighwayman sat before me on the ground, ruefully handling his skull. Our two horses were scampering away into the mist. 

I placed my point at the highwayman's throat. 

"So, my fine fellow, " cried I grandly, "you rob well. You are theprincipal knight of the road of all England, I would dare say, by theway in which an empty pistol overcomes you. "

He was still ruefully handling his skull. 

"Aye, " he muttered sadly, more to himself than to me, "a true knightof the road with seven ballads written of me in Bristol and three inBath. Ill betide me for not minding my mother's word and staying athome this day. 'Tis all the unhappy luck of Jem Bottles. I should haveremained an honest sheep-stealer and never engaged in this dangerousand nefarious game of lifting purses. "

The man's genuine sorrow touched me. "Cheer up, Jem Bottles, " said I. "All may yet be well. 'Tis not one little bang on the crown that sodisturbs you?"

"'Tis not one--no, " he answered gloomily; "'tis two. The travellerriding to the east before you dealt me a similar blow--may hell catchthe little black devil. "

"Black!" cried I. "Forister, for my life!"

"He took no moment to tell me his name, " responded the sullen andwounded highwayman. "He beat me out of the saddle and rode away asbrisk as a bird. I know not what my mother will say. She be for evertelling me of the danger in this trade, and here come two gentlemen inone day and unhorse me without the profit of a sixpence to my store. When I became a highwayman I thought me I had profited me from the lowestate of a sheep-stealer, but now I see that happiness in this lifedoes not altogether depend upon--"

"Enough, " I shouted in my impatience. "Tell me of the black man! Theblack man, worm!" I pricked his throat with my sword very carefully. 

"He was black, and he rode like a demon, and he handled his weaponsfinely, " said Jem Bottles. "And since I have told you all I know, please, good sir, move the point from my throat. This will be ill newsfor my mother. "

I took thought with myself. I must on to Bath; but the two horses hadlong since scampered out of sight, and my pursuit of the papers wouldmake small way afoot. 

"Come, Jem Bottles, " I cried, "help me to a horse in a comrade's wayand for the sake of your mother. In another case I will leave you herea bloody corse. Come; there's a good fellow!"

He seemed moved to help me. "Now, if there comes a well-mountedtraveller, " he said, brightening, "I will gain his horse for you if Idie for it. "

"And if there comes no well-mounted traveller?"

"I know not, sir. But--perhaps he will come. "

"'Tis a cheap rogue who has but one horse, " I observed contemptuously. "You are only a footpad, a simple-minded marquis of the bludgeon. "

Now, as I had hoped, this deeply cut his pride. 

"Did I not speak of the ballads, sir?" he demanded with considerablespirit. "Horses? Aye, and have I not three good nags hid behind mymother's cottage, which is less than a mile from this spot?"

"Monsieur Jem Bottles, " said I, not forgetting the French mannerswhich my father had taught me, "unless you instantly show me the wayto these horses I shall cut off your hands, your feet, and your head;and, ripping out your bowels, shall sprinkle them on the road for thefirst post-horses to mash and trample. Do you understand my intention, Monsieur Jem Bottles?"

"Sir, " he begged, "think of my mother!"

"I think of the horses, " I answered grimly. "'Tis for you to think ofyour mother. How could I think of your mother when I wouldn't know herfrom the Head of Kinsale, if it didn't happen that I know the Head ofKinsale too well to mistake it for anybody's mother?"

"You speak like a man from foreign parts, sir, " he rejoined in a meekvoice; "but I am able to see that your meaning is serious. "

"'Tis so serious, " said I, rapping him gently on the head with thebutt of my pistol, "that if you don't instantly display a greedyactivity you will display a perfect inability to move. "

"The speeching is obscure, " said he, "but the rap on the head isclear to me. Still, it was not kind of you to hit me on the same spottwice. "

He now arose from his mournful seat on the ground, and, still rubbinghis pate, he asked me to follow him. We moved from the highway into avery narrow lane, and for some time proceeded in silence. 

"'Tis a regular dog's life, " spoke Jem Bottles after a period ofreflection. 

By this time I had grown a strong sympathy for my scoundrel. 

"Come, cheer yourself, Jem Bottles, " said I. "I have known a lesserruffian who was hanged until he was dry, whereas you march along thelane with nought to your discouragement but three cracks in yourcrown. "

"'Tis not the cracks in the crown, " he answered moodily. "'Tis what mymother will say. "

"I had no thought that highwaymen had mothers, " said I. I had resolvednow to take care of his pride, for I saw that he was bound to beconsidered a great highwayman, and I did not wish to disturb hisfeelings until I gained possession of one of the horses. But now hegrew as indignant as he dared. 

"Mother? Mother, sir? Do you think me an illegitimate child? I say toyou flat in your face, even if you kill me the next instant, that Ihave a mother. Perchance I am not of the lofty gentry who go aboutbeating honest highwaymen to the earth, but I repulse with scorn anyman's suggestion that I am illegitimate. In a quarter of an hour youshall see my mother for yourself. "

"Peace, Jem Bottles, " said I soothingly. "I took no thought of such athing. I would be thinking only of the ballads, and how honourable itis that a gallant and dashing life should be celebrated in song. I, for certain, have never done anything to make a pothouse ring with myname, and I liken you to the knights of olden days who tilted in allsimple fair bravery without being able to wager a brass farthing as towho was right and who was wrong. Admirable Jem Bottles, " I criedenthusiastically, "tell me, if you will, of your glories; tell me withyour own tongue, so that when I hear the ballads waxing furious withpraise of you, I shall recall the time I marched with your historicperson. "

"My beginning was without pretence, " said the highwayman. "LittleSusan, daughter of Farmer Hants, was crossing the fields with a basketof eggs. I, a masked figure, sprang out at her from a thicket. Iseized the basket. She screamed. There was a frightful tumult. But inthe end I bore away this basket of eight eggs, creeping stealthilythrough the wood. The next day Farmer Hants met me. He had a longwhip. There was a frightful tumult. But he little knew that he waslaying with his whip the foundation of a career so illustrious. For atime I stole his sheep, but soon grew weary of this business. Once, after they had chased me almost to Bristol, I was so weary that Iresolved to forego the thing entirely. Then I became a highwayman, whom you see before you. One of the ballads begins thus:

 "What ho! the merry Jem! Not a pint he gives for them. All his--"

"Stop, " said I, "we'll have it at Dame Bottles's fireside. Hearingsongs in the night air always makes me hoarse the next morning. "

"As you will, " he answered without heat. "We're a'most there. "

Soon a lighted window of the highwayman's humble home shone out in thedarkness, and a moment later Jem Bottles was knocking at the door. Itwas immediately opened, and he stalked in with his blood-marks stillupon his face. There was a great outcry in a feminine voice, and alarge woman rushed forward and flung her arms about the highwayman. 

"Oh, Jemmie, my son, my son!" she screamed, "whatever have they doneto ye this time?"

"Silence, mother dear, " said Bottles. "'Tis nought but a wind-brokenbough fallen on my head. Have you no manners? Do you not see thegentleman waiting to enter and warm himself?"

The woman turned upon me, alarmed, but fiery and defiant. After amoment's scrutiny she demanded:

"Oh, ho, and the gentleman had nought to do of course with my Jem'sbroken head?"

"'Tis a priest but newly arrived from his native island of Asia, " saidBottles piously; "and it ill beseems you, mother dear, to be hagglingwhen you might be getting the holy man and I some supper. "

"True, Jemmie, my own, " responded Dame Bottles. "But there are so manyrogues abroad that you must forgive your old mother if she grow oftenaffrighted that her good Jemmie has been misled. " She turned to me. "Pardon, my good gentleman, " she said almost in tears. "Ye little knowwhat it is to be the mother of a high-spirited boy. "

"I can truthfully say that I do not, Dame Bottles, " said I, with oneof my father's French bows. She was immensely pleased. Any woman mayfall a victim to a limber, manly, and courteous bow. 

Presently we sat down to a supper of plum-stew and bread. Bottles hadwashed the blood from his face and now resembled an honest man. 

"You may think it strange, sir, " said Dame Bottles with somehousewifely embarrassment, "that a highwayman of such distinction thathe has had written of him in Bristol six ballads--"

"Seven, " said the highwayman. 

"Seven in Bristol and in Bath two. "

"Three, " said the highwayman. 

"And three in Bath, " continued the old woman. "You may think itstrange, sir, that a highwayman of such distinction that he has hadwritten of him in Bristol seven ballads, and in Bath three, is yetobliged to sit down to a supper of plum-stew and bread. "

"Where is the rest of that cheese I took on last Michaelmas?" demandedBottles suddenly. 

"Jemmie, " answered his mother with reproach, "you know you gave thelast of it to the crippled shepherd over on the big hill. "

"So I did, mother dear, " assented the highwayman, "and I regret nowthat I let no less than three cheeses pass me on the highway because Ithought we had plenty at home. "

"If you let anything pass on the road because you do not lack it atthe moment, you will ultimately die of starvation, Jemmie dear, " quoththe mother. "How often have I told you?"

"Aye, " he answered somewhat irritably, "you also often have told me totake snuff-boxes. "

"And was I at fault, " she retorted, "because the cheating avarice ofthe merchants led them to make sinful, paltry snuff-boxes that weremere pictures of the good old gold and silver? Was it my mischief? Orwas it the mischief of the plotting swineherds who now find it totheir interest to deal in base and imitative metals?"

"Peace, my mother, " said the highwayman. "The gentleman here has notthe same interest in snuff-boxes which moves us to loud speech. "

"True, " said Dame Bottles, "and I readily wish that my Jemmie had noreason to care if snuff-boxes were made from cabbage-leaves. "

I had been turning a scheme in my mind, and here I thought I saw myopportunity to introduce it. "Dame Bottles, " said I, "your words fitwell with the plan which has brought me here to your house. Know you, then, that I am a nobleman--"

"Alack, poor Jemmie!" cried the woman, raising her hands. 

"No, " said I, "I am not a nobleman rampant. I am a nobleman introuble, and I need the services of your son, for which I will rewardhim with such richness that he will not care if they make snuff-boxesout of water or wind. I am in pursuit of a man--"

"The little black man, " cried the alert Bottles. 

"And I want your son to ride with me to catch this thief. He neednever pass through the shadow of the creeping, clanking tree. He willbe on an honest hunt to recover a great property. Give him to me. Givehim fourteen guineas from his store, and bid us mount his horses andaway. Save your son!"

The old woman burst into tears. "Sir, " she answered, "I know little ofyou, but, as near as I can see in the light of this one candle, youare a hangel. Take my boy! Treat him as you would your own stepson, and if snuff-boxes ever get better I will let you both hear of it. "

Less than an hour later Jem Bottles and I were off for Bath, ridingtwo very good horses. 

CHAPTER IV

Now my whole mind was really bent on finding my black Forister, butyet, as Jem Bottles and I rode toward Bath, I thought of a cloakedfigure and a pair of shining eyes, and it seemed to me that I recalledthe curve of sweet, proud lips. I knew that I should be thinking of mypapers, my future; but a quick perversity made me dwell for a longtrotting time in a dream of feminine excellence, in a dream offeminine beauty which was both ascetic and deeply sensuous. I knowhardly how to say that two eyes, a vision of lips, a conception of afigure, should properly move me as I bounced along the road with JemBottles. But it is certain that it came upon me. The eyes of thedaughter of the great Earl of Westport had put in chains theredoubtable O'Ruddy. It was true. It was clear. I admitted it tomyself. The admission caused a number of reflections to occur in mymind, and the chief of these was that I was a misfortunate wretch. 

Jem Bottles recalled me to the immediate business. 

"'Tis the lights of Bath, sir, " he said, "and if it please you, sir, Ishall await you under yonder tree, since the wretched balladists haverendered me so well known in the town that I dare not venture in itfor fear of a popular welcome from the people who have no snuff-boxeswhatever. "

"I will go and listen to the ballads, " I replied, "and in the meantime do you await me here under that tree. "

So saying I galloped into Bath, my soul sharp to find Forister and totake him by the neck and strangle out of him those papers which weremy sole reasons for living. But the landlord of the best inn met mewith an unmistakable frankness. 

"Mr. Forister?" said he. "Yes, your lordship, but Mr. Forister is goneback to Bristol. "

I was so pleased with his calling me "your lordship" that I hesitateda moment. But I was recalled to sense by the thought that although JemBottles and I had fifteen guineas between us, he had fourteen and Ihad the one. Thanking the landlord I galloped out of Bath. 

Bottles was awaiting me under the tree. "To Bristol, " I cried. "Ourchase lies toward Bristol. He has doubled back. "

"'Twas while we were at supper, " said Bottles, as he cantered up to myshoulder. "I might have had two trials at him if I had not had thehonour of meeting your worship. I warrant you, sir, he would not haveescaped me twice. "

"Think of his crack in your skull, and be content, " I replied. "And inthe mean time ride for Bristol. "

Within five miles of Bristol we came upon a wayside inn in which therewas progressing a great commotion. Lights flashed from window towindow, and we could hear women howling. To my great surprise Bottlesat once became hugely excited. 

"Damme, sir, " he shouted, "my sweetheart is a chambermaid here, and ifshe be hurted I will know it. "

He spurred valiantly forward, and, after futilely calling to him tocheck his career, I followed. He leaped from his horse at the door ofthe inn and bounced into the place, pistol in hand. I was too confusedto understand much, but it seemed to my ears that his entrance washailed with a roar of relief and joy. A stable-boy, fearfully anxious, grasped my bridle, crying, "Go in, sir, in God's name. They will bekilling each other. " Thinking that, whatever betide, it was proper tobe at the back of my friend Bottles, I too sprang from my horse andpopped into the inn. 

A more unexpected sight never met my experienced gaze. A fat landlady, mark you, was sobbing in the arms of my villainous friend, and apretty maid was clinging to his arm and screaming. At the same timethere were about him a dozen people of both sexes who were yelling, --

"Oh, pray, Master Bottles! Good Master Bottles, do stop them. One is agreat Afric chief, red as a fire, and the other is Satan, Satanhimself! Oh, pray, good Master Bottles, stop them!"

My fine highwayman was puffed out like a poisoned frog. I had nothought that he could be so grand. 

"What is this disturbance?" he demanded in a bass voice. 

"O good Master Bottles, " clamoured the people. "Satan wishes to killthe Red Giant, who has Satan barred in the best room in the inn. Andthey make frightful destruction of chairs and tables. Bid them cease, O good Master Bottles!"

From overhead we could hear the sound of blows upon wood mingled withthreatening talk. 

"Stand aside, " said the highwayman in a great gruff voice which mademe marvel at him. He unhesitatingly dumped the swooning form of thelandlady into another pair of arms, shook off the pretty maid, andmoved sublimely upon the foot of the stairs amid exclamations of joy, wonder, admiration, even reverence. 

But the voice of an unseen person hailed suddenly from the head of thestairs. 

"And if ye have not said enough masses for your heathen soul, "remarked the voice, "you would be better mustering the neighbours thisinstant to go to church for you and bid them do the best they can in ashort time. You will never be coming downstairs if you once come up. "

Bottles hesitated; the company shuddered out: "'Tis the Red Giant. "

"And I would be having one more word with you, " continued the unseenperson. "I have him here, and here I keep him. 'Tis not me that wantsthe little black rogue, what with his hammering on the door and hiscalling me out of my name. 'Tis no work that I like, and I would levergo in and put my heel in his face. But I was told to catch a littleblack man, and I have him, and him I will keep. 'Tis not me thatwished to come here and catch little black men for anybody; but here Iam in this foreign country, catching little black men, and I will haveno interference. "

But here I gave a great call of recognition. 

"Paddy!"

I saw the whole thing. This wild-headed Paddy, whom I had told tocatch me a little black man, had followed after me toward Bath andsomehow managed to barricade in a room the very first man he saw whowas small and black. At first I wished to laugh; an instant later Iwas furious. 

"Paddy, " I thundered; "come down out of that now! What would you bedoing? Come down out of that now!"

The reply was sulky, but unmistakably from Paddy. Most of it wasmumbled. 

"Sure I've gone and caught as little and as black a man as is in thewhole world, and was keeping the scoundrel here safe, and along hecomes and tells me to come down out of that now with no more gratitudethan if he had given me a gold goose. And yet I fought a duel for himand managed everything so finely that he came away well enough to boxme on the ear, which was mere hilarity and means nothing betweenfriends. "

Jem Bottles was still halted on the stair. He and all the others hadlistened to Paddy's speeches in a blank amazement which had muchsuperstition in it. 

"Shall I go up, sir?" he asked, not eagerly. 

"No, " said I. "Leave me to deal with it. I fear a great mistake. Giveme ten minutes, and I promise to empty the inn of all uproar. "

A murmur of admiration arose, and as the sound leaped about my ears Imoved casually and indifferently up against Paddy. It was a grandscene. 

"Paddy, " I whispered as soon as I had reached a place on the stairssafe from the ears of the people below. "Paddy, you have made a greatblunder. You have the wrong man. "

"'Tis unlikely, " replied Paddy with scorn. "You wait until you seehim, and if he is not little and black, then--"

"Yes, yes, " said I hastily, "but it was not any little black man atall which I wanted. It was a particular little black man. "

"But, " said the ruffian brightly, "it would be possible this one willserve your end. He's little and he's black. "

At this moment the voice of the captive came intoning through the doorof a chamber. 

"When I am free I will first cut out your liver and have it grilled, and feed it to you as you are dying. "

Paddy had stepped forward and placed his lips within about six inchesof one of the panels. 

"Come now, be easy!" he said. "You know well that if you should do asyou say, I would beat your head that it would have the looks of apudding fallen from a high window, and that's the truth. "

"Open the door, rascal, " called the captive, "and we shall see. "

"I will be opening no doors, " retorted Paddy indignantly. "Remainquiet, you little black devil, or, by the mass, I'll--"

"I'll slice your heart into pieces of paper, " thundered Paddy'sprisoner, kicking and pounding. 

By this time I was ready to interfere. "Paddy, " said I, catching himby the shoulder, "you have the wrong man. Leave it to me; mind you, leave it to me. "

"He's that small and black you'd think--" he began dejectedly, but Icut him short. 

Jem Bottles, unable to endure the suspense, had come up from below. He was still bristling and blustering, as if all the maids wereremarking him. 

"And why does this fine gentleman kick and pound on the door?" hedemanded in a gruff voice loud enough to be heard in all appreciativeparts of the inn. "I'll have him out and slit his nose. "

The thunder on the door ceased, and the captive observed:

"Ha! another scoundrel! If my ears do not play me false, there are nowthree waiting for me to kick them to the hangman. "

Restraining Paddy and Bottles, who each wished to reply in heroicverse to this sally, I stepped to the door. 

"Sir, " said I civilly, "I fear a great blunder has been done. I--"

"Why, " said the captive with a sneer, "'tis the Irishman! 'Tis theking of the Irelands. Open the door, pig. "

My elation knew no bounds. 

"Paddy, " cried I, "you have the right little black man. " But there wasno time for celebration. I must first answer my enemy. "You willremember that I kicked you once, " said I, "and if you have a memory aslong as my finger be careful I do not kick you again, else even peopleas far away as the French will think you are a meteor. But I would notbe bandying words at long range. Paddy, unbar the door. "

"If I can, " muttered Paddy, fumbling with a lot of machinery soingenious that it would require a great lack of knowledge tothoroughly understand it. In the mean time we could hear Forister moveaway from the door, and by the sound of a leisurely scrape of a chairon the floor I judge he had taken his seat somewhere near the centreof the room. Bottles was handling his pistol and regarding me. 

"Yes, " said I, "if he fires, do you pepper him fairly. Otherwise awaitmy orders. Paddy, you slug, unbar the door. "

"If I am able, " said Paddy, still muttering and fumbling with hiscontrivances. He had no sooner mouthed the words than the door flewopen as if by magic, and we discovered a room bright with the light ofa fire and candles. Forister was seated negligently at a table in thecentre of the room. His legs were crossed, but his naked sword lay onthe table at his hand. He had the first word, because I was amazed, almost stunned, by the precipitous opening of the door. 

"Ho! ho!" he observed frigidly, "'tis indeed the king of the Irelands, accompanied by the red-headed duke who has entertained me for sometime, and a third party with a thief's face who handles a loadedpistol with such abandon as leads me to suppose that he once may havebeen a highwayman. A very pretty band. "

"Use your tongue for a garter, Forister, " said I. "I want my papers. "

CHAPTER V

"Your 'papers'?" said Forister. "Damn you and your papers. What wouldI know of your papers?"

"I mean, " said I fiercely, "the papers that you stole out of mychamber in the inn at Bristol. "

The man actually sank back in his chair and laughed me up to the roof. 

"'Papers'!" he shouted. "Here's the king of the Irelands thinking thatI have made off with his papers!"

"You choose a good time for laughing, " said I, with more sobriety. "Ina short time you will be laughing with the back of your head. "

He sat up and looked at me with quick decision. 

"Now, what is all this rubbish about papers?" he said sharply. "Whathave I to do with your filthy papers? I had one intention regardingyou, --of that I am certain. I was resolved to kill you on the firstoccasion when we could cross swords, but--'papers'--faugh! What do youmean?"

The hoarse voice of Jem Bottles broke in from somewhere behind me. "Wemight easily throw him to the earth and tie him, sir, and then makesearch of him. "

"And you would know how to go about the business, I warrant me, "laughed Forister. "You muzzle-faced rogue, you!"

To my astonishment the redoubtable highwayman gave back before theeasy disdain of this superior scoundrel. 

"My ways may not always have been straight and narrow, master, " herejoined, almost in a whine, "but you have no call to name memuzzle-faced. "

Forister turned from him contemptuously and fixed his regard with muchenthusiasm upon Paddy. 

"Very red, " said he. "Very red, indeed. And thick as fagots, too. Avery delectable head of hair, fit to be spun into a thousand blanketsfor the naked savages in heathen parts. The wild forests in Irelandmust indeed be dark when it requires a lantern of this measure tolight the lonely traveller on his way. "

But Paddy was an honest man even if he did not know it, and he at oncewalked to Forister and held against his ear a fist the size of a pig'shind-leg. 

"I cannot throw the talk back to you, " he said. "You are too fast forme, but I tell you to your face that you had better change your tonguefor a lock of an old witch's hair unless you intend to be batteredthis moment. "

"Peace, " said Forister calmly. "I am a man of natural wit, and I wouldentertain myself. Now, there is your excellent chieftain the king ofthe Irelands. Him I regard as a very good specimen, whose ancestorswere not very long ago swinging by their tails from the lofty palms ofIreland and playing with cocoanuts to and fro. " He smiled and leanedback, well satisfied with himself. 

All this time I had been silent, because I had been deep in reflectionupon Forister. Now I said:

"Forister, you are a great rogue. I know you. One thing is certain. You have not my papers and never did you have them. "

He looked upon me with some admiration and cried:

"Aye, the cannibal shows a glimmer of reason. No, I have not yourfoolish papers, and I only wish I had them in order to hurl the bundleat your damned stupid head. "

"For a kicked man you have a gay spirit, " I replied. "But at any rateI have no time for you now. I am off to Bristol after my papers, and Ionly wish for the sake of ease that I had to go no farther than thischamber. Come, Paddy! Come, Jem!"

My two henchmen were manifestly disappointed; they turned reluctantlyat my word. 

"Have I the leave of one crack at him, your honour?" whispered Paddyearnestly. "He said my head was a lantern. "

"No, " said I, "leave him to his meditations. "

As we passed down the corridor we heard him laugh loudly, and hecalled out to me, --

"When I come to Bristol I will kill you. "

I had more than a mind to go back and stuff this threat into histhroat, but I better knew my business, which was to recover thepapers. 

"Come, " said I, and we passed down stairs. 

The people of the inn made way for Paddy as if he had been a fallingtree, and at the same time they worshipped Jem Bottles for havingperformed everything. I had some wonder as to which would be able toout-strut the other. I think Jem Bottles won the match, for he had theadvantage of being known as one of the most dangerous men insouthwestern England, whereas Paddy had only his vanity to help him. 

"'Tis all arranged, " said Bottles pompously. "Your devil will comeforth as quiet as a rabbit. "

We ordered our horses, and a small crowd of obsequious stable-boysrushed to fetch them. I marvelled when I saw them lead out Paddy'shorse. I had thought from what I perceived over my shoulder when Ileft Bristol that he would never be able to make half a league in thesaddle. Amid the flicker of lanterns, Bottles and I mounted and then Iheard Paddy calling to him all the stable-boys:

"Now, when I give the word, you heave for your lives. Stand, youbeast! Cannot four of you hold him by the legs? I will be giving theword in a moment. Are you all ready? Well, now, ready again--heave!"

There was a short scuffle in the darkness, and presently Paddyappeared above the heads of the others in the _mêlée_. 

"There, now, " said he to them, "that was well done. One would easilybe telling that I was an ex-trooper of the king. " He rode out to uscomplacently. "'Tis a good horse, if only he steered with a tillerinstead of these straps, " he remarked, "and he goes well before thewind. "

"To Bristol, " said I. "Paddy, you must follow as best you may. I haveno time to be watching you, although you are interesting. "

An unhappy cry came from behind Bottles, and I spurred on, but again Icould not wait for my faithful countryman. My papers were still thestake for which I played. However I hoped that Paddy would now giveover his ideas about catching little black men. 

As we neared Bristol Jem Bottles once more became backward. Hereferred to the seven ballads, and feared that the unexpected presenceof such a well-known character would create an excitement which wouldnot be easy to cool. So we made a rendezvous under another tree, and Irode on alone. Thus I was separated from both my good companions. However, before parting, I took occasion to borrow five guineas fromJem's store. 

I was as weary as a dog, although I had never been told that gentlemenriding amid such adventures were ever aweary. At the inn in Bristol asleepy boy took my horse, and a sleepy landlord aroused himself as herecognized me. 

"My poor inn is at your disposal, sir, " he cried as he bowed. "TheEarl has inquired for you to-day, or yesterday, as well as my youngLord Strepp and Colonel Royale. "

"Aye?" said I carelessly. "Did they so? Show me to a chamber. I ammuch enwearied. I would seek a good bed and a sound sleep, for I haveridden far and done much since last I had repose. "

"Yes, sir, " said the landlord deferentially. 

After a long hard sleep I was aroused by a constant pounding on mydoor. At my cry a servant entered. He was very abject. "His lordship'svalet has been waiting to give you a message from his lordship, sir. "I bid him let the valet enter. The man whose heroic nose had borne thebrunt of Forister's swift departure from the inn when I kicked himcame into my chamber with distinguished grace and dignity and informedme that his noble master cared to see me in his chamber when it wouldsuit my convenience. 

Of course the old Earl was after his papers. And what was I to tellhim, --that I was all befooled and befuddled?--that after my father hadkept these papers for so many years in faithful trust I had lost themon the very brink of deliverance of them to their rightful owner? Whatwas I to speak?

I did not wish to see the Earl of Westport, but some sudden andcurious courage forced me into my clothes and out to the corridor. TheEarl's valet was waiting there. "I pray you, sir, follow me, " he said. I followed him to an expensive part of the inn, where he knocked upona door. It was opened by a bending serving-man. The room was a kind ofparlour, and in it, to my surprise, were Lord Strepp and ColonelRoyale. They gazed at me with a surprise equivalent to mine own. 

Young Lord Strepp was the first one thoroughly to collect himself. Then he advanced upon me with outstretched hand. 

"Mr. O'Ruddy, " he cried, "believe me, we are glad to see you. Wethought you had gone for all time. "

Colonel Royale was only a moment behind his friend, but as he extendedhis hand his face flushed painfully. 

"Sir, " he said somewhat formally, "not long ago I lost my temper, Ifear. I know I have to thank you for great consideration andgenerosity. I--I--you--"

Whereupon we both began to stammer and grimace. All the time I waschocking out:

"Pray--pray--, don't speak of it--a--nothing--in truth, you kindlyexaggerate--I--"

It was young Lord Strepp who brought us out of our embarrassment. "Here, you two good fellows, " he cried heartily, "a glass of wine withyou. "

We looked gratefully at him, and in the business of filling ourglasses we lost our awkwardness. "To you, " said Lord Strepp; and as wedrained our wine I knew that I had two more friends in England. 

During the drinking the Earl's valet had been hovering near mycoat-tails. Afterward he took occasion to make gentle suggestion tome:

"His lordship awaits your presence in his chamber, sir, when itpleases you. "

The other gentlemen immediately deferred to my obligation, and Ifollowed the valet into a large darkened chamber. It was some momentsbefore my eyes could discover that the Earl was abed. Indeed, arasping voice from beneath the canopies called to me before I knewthat anybody was in the chamber but myself and the valet. 

"Come hither, O'Ruddy, " called the Earl. "Tompkins, get out! Is ityour duty to stand there mummified? Get out!"

The servant hastily withdrew, and I walked slowly to the great man'sbedside. Two shining shrewd eyes looked at me from a mass of pillows, and I had a knowledge of an aged face, half smiling and yet satirical, even malignant. 

"And so this is the young fortune-hunter from Ireland, " he said in ahoarse sick-man's voice. "The young fortune-hunter! Ha! With hisworthless papers! Ha!"

"Worthless?" cried I, starting. 

"Worthless!" cried the Earl vehemently. He tried to lift himself inhis bed, in order to make more emphasis. "Worthless! Nothing butstraw--straw--straw!" Then he cackled out a laugh. 

And this was my inheritance! I could have sobbed my grief and anger, but I took firm hold on myself and resolved upon another way ofdealing with the nobleman. 

"My lord, " said I coolly, "My father is dead. When he was dying hegave certain papers into my hands, --papers which he had guarded formany years, --and bade me, as his son, to deliver them into the handsof an old friend and comrade; and I come to this old friend andcomrade of my father, and he lies back in his bed and cackles at melike a hen. 'Tis a small foot I would have set upon England if I hadknown more of you, you old skate!"

But still he laughed and cried: "Straw! Straw! Nothing but straw!"

"Well, sir, " said I with icy dignity, "I may be a fool of an Irishmanwith no title save an older one than yours; but I would be deeplysorry if there came a day when I should throw a trust back in theteeth of a dead comrade's son. "

"No, " said the bright-eyed old man, comforting himself amid hispillows. "Look you, O'Ruddy! You are a rascal! You came over in anattempt to ruin me! I know it!"

I was awed by this accusation. It seemed to me to be too grand, toogorgeous for my personal consumption. I knew not what to do with thiscolossus. It towered above me in splendour and gilt. I had neverexpected to be challenged with attempting to ruin earls. My father hadoften ruined sea-captains, but he never in his life ruined so much asa baronet. It seemed altogether too fine for my family, but I couldonly blurt weakly, "Yessir. " I was much like a lackey. 

"Aye, " said the old man, suddenly feeble from the excitement, "I seeyou admit it, you black Irish rogue. " He sank back and applied anapkin to his mouth. It seemed to come away stained with blood. "Youscoundrel!"

I had a strange cowardly inclination to fling myself upon this ancientsurvival and squeeze his throat until it closed like a pursel. And myinclination was so strong that I stood like a stone. 

The valet opened the door. "If it please your Lordship--Lady Mary, " heannounced, and stood aside to let a lady pass. The Earl seemedimmediately to forget my presence. He began at once to make himselfuncomfortable in his bed. Then he cried fretfully: "Come, Mary, whatcaused you to be so long? Make me easy! Ruffle my pillows! Come, daughter. "

"Yes, father, " answered a soothing and sweet voice. A gracious figurepassed before me and bended over the bed of the Earl. I was nearblinded. It was not a natural blindness. It was an artificialblindness which came from my emotion. Was she tall? I don't know. Wasshe short? I don't know. But I am certain that she was exactly of theright size. She was, in all ways, perfection. She was of such glory, she was so splendid, that my heart ceased to beat. I remained standinglike a stone, but my sword scabbard, reminiscent of some movement, flapped gently against my leg. I thought it was a horrible sound. Isought to stay it, but it continued to tinkle, and I remember that, standing there in the room with the old Earl and my love-'til-death, Ithought most of my scabbard and its inability to lay quiet at mythigh. 

She smoothed his bed and coaxed him and comforted him. Never had Iseen such tenderness. It was like a vision of a classic hereafter. Ina second I would have exchanged my youth for the position of thisdoddering old nobleman who spat blood into a napkin. 

Suddenly the Earl wheeled his eyes and saw me. 

"Ha, Mary!" he cried feebly, "I wish to point out a rogue. There hestands! The O'Ruddy! An Irishman and a fine robber! Mark him well, andkeep stern watch of your jewels. "

The beautiful young lady turned upon me an affrighted glance. And Istood like a stone. 

"Aye, " said the old wretch, "keep stern watch of your jewels. He is avery demon for skill. He could take a ring from your finger while youwere thinking he was fluttering his hands in the air. "

I bowed gallantly to the young lady. "Your rings are safe, my lady. Iwould ill requite the kindness shown by your father to the son of anold friend if I deprived your white fingers of a single ornament. "

"Clever as ever, clever as ever, " chuckled the wicked old man. 

The young lady flushed and looked first at me and then at her father. I thought her eye, as it rested upon me, was not without somesympathetic feeling. I adored her. All the same I wished to kill herfather. It is very curious when one wishes to kill the father of thewoman one adores. But I suppose the situation was made more possiblefor me by the fact that it would have been extremely inexpedient tohave killed the Earl in his sick bed. I even grinned at him. 

"If you remember my father, your lordship, " said I amiably, "despiteyour trying hard to forget him, you will remember that he had acertain native wit which on occasion led him to be able to frustratehis enemies. It must have been a family trait, for I seem to have it. You are an evil old man! You yourself stole my papers!"

CHAPTER VI

At first I thought that my speech had given the aged Earl a stroke. Hewrithed on his bed, and something appeared at his lips which was likefroth. His lovely daughter sprang to him with a cry of fear and woe. But he was not dying; he was only mad with rage. 

"How dare you? How dare you?" he gasped. "You whelp of Satan!"

"'Tis me that would not be fearing to dare anything, " I rejoinedcalmly. "I would not so. I came here with a mind for fair words, butyou have met me with insult and something worse. We cannot talk thething. We must act it. The papers are yours, but you took them from meunfairly. You may destroy them. Otherwise I will have them back anddiscover what turned you into a great rogue near the end of yourdays. "

"Hearken!" screamed the Earl. "Hearken! He threatens. " The door intothe parlour flew open, and Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale appeared onthe threshold, their faces blank with wonder. 

"Father, " cried the young lord, stepping hastily forward, "whatever iswrong?"

"That!" screamed the Earl, pointing a palsied finger at me. "That! Hecomes here and threatens _me_, --a peer of England. "

The Lady Mary spoke swiftly to her brother and the Colonel. 

"'Tis a sick man's fancy, " she said. "There have been no threats. Father has had a bad day. He is not himself. He talks wildly. He--"

"Mary!" yelled the Earl as well as he was able. "Do you betray me? Doyou betray your own father? Oh, a woman Judas and my daughter!"

Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale looked as if their minds were comingapart. They stared at Lady Mary, at the Earl, at me. For my part Iremained silent and stiff in a corner, keeping my eye upon the swordsof the other gentlemen. I had no doubt but that presently I would beengaged in a desperate attempt to preserve my life. Lady Mary wasweeping. She had never once glanced in my direction. But I wasthrilling with happiness. She had flung me her feeble intercessioneven as a lady may fling a bun to a bear in a pit, but I had theremembrance to prize, to treasure, and if both gentlemen had set uponme and the sick Earl had advanced with the warming-pan I believe mynew strength would have been able to beat them off. 

In the meantime the Earl was screeching meaningless rubbish in whichmy name, with epithets, occurred constantly. Lady Mary, still weeping, was trying to calm him. 

Young Lord Strepp at last seemed to make up his mind. He approached meand remarked:

"An inexplicable situation, Mr. O'Ruddy. "

"More to me than to you, " I repeated suavely. 

"How?" he asked, with less consideration in his manner. "I know noughtof this mummery. "

"At least I know no more, " I replied, still suave. 

"How, Mr. O'Ruddy?" he asked, frowning. "I enter and find youwrangling with my father in his sick chamber. Is there to be no wordfor this?"

"I dare say you will get forty from your father; a hundred, it maybe, " said I, always pleasant. "But from me you will get none. "

He reflected for a moment. "I dare say you understand I will brook nohigh-handed silence in a matter of this kind. I am accustomed to askfor the reasons for certain kinds of conduct, and of course I amsomewhat prepared to see that the reasons are forthcoming. "

"Well, in this case, my lord, " said I with a smile, "you can accustomyourself to not getting a reason for a certain kind of conduct, because I do not intend to explain myself. "

But at this moment our agreeable conversation was interrupted by theold Earl who began to bay at his son. "Arthur, Arthur, fling therascal out; fling the rascal out! He is an impostor, a thief!" Hebegan to fume and sputter, and threw his arms wildly; he was in somekind of convulsion; his pillows tossed, and suddenly a packet fellfrom under them to the floor. As all eyes wheeled toward it, I stoopedswiftly and picked it up. 

"My papers!" said I. 

On their part there was a breathless moment of indecision. Then theswords of Lord Strepp and the Colonel came wildly from theirscabbards. Mine was whipped out no less speedily, but I took it andflung it on the floor at their feet, the hilt toward them. "No, " saidI, my hands empty save for the papers, "'tis only that I would bemaking a present to the fair Lady Mary, which I pray her to receive. "With my best Irish bow I extended to the young lady the papers, myinheritance, which had caused her father so much foaming at the mouth. 

She looked at me scornfully, she looked at her father, she looked atme pathetically, she looked at her father, she looked at me piteously;she took the papers. 

I walked to the lowering and abashed points of the other men's swords, and picked my blade from the floor. I paid no heed to the glitteringpoints which flashed near my eyes. I strode to the door; I turned andbowed; as I did so, I believe I saw something in Lady Mary's eyeswhich I wished to see there. I closed the door behind me. 

But immediately there was a great clamour in the room I had left, andthe door was thrown violently open again. Colonel Royale appeared in ahigh passion:

"No, no, O'Ruddy, " he shouted, "you are a gallant gentleman. I wouldstake my life that you are in the right. Say the word, and I will backyou to the end against ten thousand fiends. "

And after him came tempestuously young Lord Strepp, white on the lipswith pure rage. But he spoke with a sudden steadiness. 

"Colonel Royale, it appears, " he said, "thinks he has to protect myfriend The O'Ruddy from some wrong of my family or of mine?"

The Colonel drew in his breath for a dangerous reply, but I quicklybroke in:

"Come, come, gentlemen, " said I sharply. "Are swords to flash betweenfriends when there are so many damned scoundrels in the world to parryand pink? 'Tis wrong; 'tis very wrong. Now, mark you, let us be men ofpeace at least until to-morrow morning, when, by the way, I have tofight your friend Forister. "

"Forister!" they cried together. Their jaws fell; their eyes bulged;they forgot everything; there was a silence. 

"Well, " said I, wishing to reassure them, "it may not be to-morrowmorning. He only told me that he would kill me as soon as he came toBristol, and I expect him to-night or in the morning. I would ofcourse be expecting him to show here as quickly as possible after hisgrand speech; but he would not be entirely unwelcome, I am thinking, for I have a mind to see if the sword of an honest man, but nofighter, would be able to put this rogue to shame, and him with allhis high talk about killing people who have never done a thing in lifeto him but kick him some number of feet out into the inn yard, andthis need never to have happened if he had known enough to have kepthis sense of humour to himself, which often happens in this world. "

Reflectively, Colonel Royale murmured:

"One of the finest swordsmen in England. "

For this I cared nothing. 

Reflectively, Lord Strepp murmured: "My father's partner in theshipping trade. "

This last made me open my eyes. "Your father's partner in the shippingtrade, Lord Strepp? That little black rascal?"

The young nobleman looked sheepish. 

"Aye, I doubt not he may well be called a little black rascal, O'Ruddy, " he answered; "but in fact he is my father's partner incertain large--fairly large, you know--shipping interests. Of coursethat is a matter of no consequence to me personally--but--I believe myfather likes him, and my mother and my sister are quite fond of him, Ithink. I, myself, have never been able to quite--quite understand himin certain ways. He seems a trifle odd at moments. But he certainly isa friend of the family. "

"Then, " said I, "you will not be able to have the felicity of seeinghim kill me, Lord Strepp. "

"On the contrary, " he rejoined considerately, "I would regard it asusual if he asked me to accompany him to the scene of the fight. "

His remark, incidentally, that his sister was fond of Forister, filledme with a sudden insolent madness. 

"I would hesitate to disturb any shipping trade, " I said with dignity. "It is far from me to wish that the commerce of Great Britain shouldbe hampered by sword-thrust of mine. If it would please young LordStrepp, I could hand my apologies to Forister all tied up in blue-silkribbon. "

But the youthful nobleman only looked at me long with a sad andreproachful gaze. 

"O'Ruddy, " he said mournfully, "I have seen you do two fine things. You have never seen me do anything. But, know you now, once and forall, that you may not quarrel with me. "

This was too much for an Irish heart. I was moved to throw myself onthis lad's neck. I wished to swear to him that I was a brother inblood, I wished to cut a vein to give him everlasting strength--butperhaps his sister Mary had something to do with this feeling. 

Colonel Royale had been fidgeting. Now he said suddenly:

"Strepp, I wronged you. Your pardon, Mr. O'Ruddy; but, damme, Strepp, if I didn't think you had gone wrong for the moment. "

Lord Strepp took the offered hand. "You are a stupid old firebrain, "he said affectionately to the Colonel. 

"Well, " said the Colonel jubilantly, "now everything is clear. If Mr. O'Ruddy will have me, I will go with him to meet this Forister; andyou, Strepp, will accompany Forister; and we all will meet in afriendly way--ahem!"

"The situation is intimately involved, " said Lord Strepp dejectedly. "It will be a ridiculous business--watching each blade lunge towardthe breast of a friend. I don't know that it is proper. Royale, let usset ourselves to part these duellists. It is indecent. "

"Did you note the manner in which he kicked him out of the inn?" askedthe Colonel. "Do you think a few soothing words would calm the mind ofone of the finest swordsmen in England?"

I began to do some profound thinking. 

"Look you, Colonel, " said I. "Do you mean that this wretched littleliar and coward is a fine swordsman?"

"I haven't heard what you call him, " said the Colonel, "but hissword-play is regular firelight on the wall. However, " he addedhopefully, "we may find some way to keep him from killing you. I haveseen some of the greatest swordsmen lose by chance to a novice. It issomething like cards. And yet you are not an ignorant player. That, I, Clarence Royale, know full well. Let us try to beat him. "

I remembered Forister's parting sentence. Could it be true that a manI had kicked with such enthusiasm and success was now about to takerevenge by killing me? I was really disturbed. I was a very braveyouth, but I had the most advanced ideas about being killed. Onoccasion of great danger I could easily and tranquilly develop aphilosophy of avoidance and retirement. I had no antiquated notionsabout going out and getting myself killed through sheer bull-headedscorn of the other fellow's hurting me. My father had taught me thisdiscretion. As a soldier he claimed that he had run away from ninebattles, and he would have run away from more, he said, only that allthe others had turned out to be victories for his side. He wasadmittedly a brave man, but, more than this, he had a great deal ofsense. I was the child of my father. It did not seem to me profitableto be killed for the sake of a sentiment which seemed weak anddispensable. This little villain! Should I allow him to gratify afurious revenge because I was afraid to take to my heels? I resolvedto have the courage of my emotions. I would run away. 

But of all this I said nothing. It passed through my mind like lightand left me still smiling gayly at Colonel Royale's observations uponthe situation. 

"Wounds in the body from Forister, " quoth he academically, "are almostcertain to be fatal, for his wrist has a magnificent twist whichreminds one of a top. I do not know where he learned this wristmovement, but almost invariably it leads him to kill his man. Lastyear I saw him--I digress. I must look to it that O'Ruddy has quiet, rest, and peace of mind until the morning. "

Yes; I would have great peace of mind until the morning! I saw thatclearly. 

"Well, " said I, "at any rate we will know more to-morrow. A good dayto you, Lord Strepp, and I hope your principal has no more harm cometo him than I care to have come to me, which is precious little, andin which case the two of us will be little hurted. "

"Good-bye, O'Ruddy, " said the young man. 

In the corridor the Colonel slapped my shoulder in a sudden exuberantoutburst. 

"O'Ruddy, " he cried, "the chance of your life! Probably the best-knownswordsman in all England! 'Pon my word, if you should even graze him, it would almost make you a peer. If you truly pinked him, you couldmarry a duchess. My eye, what an opportunity for a young and ambitiousman. "

"And what right has he to be such a fine swordsman?" I demandedfretfully. "Damn him! 'Tis no right of a little tadpole like him to bea great cut-throat. One could never have told from the look of him, and yet it simply teaches one to be always cautious with men. "

The Colonel was bubbling over with good nature, his mind full of theprospective event. 

"I saw Ponsonby kill Stewart in their great fight several yearsagone, " he cried, rubbing his hands, "but Ponsonby was no suchswordsman as Forister, and I misdoubt me that Stewart was much betterthan you yourself. "

Here was a cheerful butcher. I eyed him coldly. 

"And out of this, " said I slowly, "comes a vast deal of entertainmentfor you, and a hole between two ribs for me. I think I need a drink. "

"By all means, my boy, " he answered, heartily. "Come to my chamber. Aquart of port under your waistcoat will cure a certain bilious desirein you to see the worst of things, which I have detected lately inyour manner. With grand sport before us, how could you be otherwisethan jolly? Ha, Ha!"

So saying, he affectionately took my arm and led me along thecorridor. 

CHAPTER VII

When I reached my own chamber I sank heavily into a chair. My brainwas in a tumult. I had fallen in love and arranged to be killed in oneshort day's work. I stared at my image in a mirror. Could I be TheO'Ruddy? Perhaps my name was Paddy or Jem Bottles? Could I pick myselfout in a crowd? Could I establish my identification? I little knew. 

At first I thought of my calm friend who apparently drank blood forhis breakfast. Colonel Royale to me was somewhat of a stranger, buthis charming willingness to grind the bones of his friends in histeeth was now quite clear. I fight the best swordsman in England as anamusement, a show? I began to see reasons for returning to Ireland. Itwas doubtful if old Mickey Clancy would be able to take full care ofmy estate even with the assistance and prevention of Father Donovan. All properties looked better while the real owner had his eye on them. It would be a shame to waste the place at Glandore all for a bit ofpride of staying in England. Never a man neglected his patrimony butthat it didn't melt down to a kick in the breeches and much trouble inthe courts. I perceived, in short, that my Irish lands were in danger. What could endanger them was not quite clear to my eye, but at anyrate they must be saved. Moreover it was necessary to take quickmeasures. I started up from my chair, hastily recounting Jem Bottles'sfive guineas. 

But I bethought me of Lady Mary. She could hardly be my good fairy. She was rather too plump to be a fairy. She was not extremely plump, but when she walked something moved within her skirts. For my part Ithink little of fairies, who remind me of roasted fowl's wing. Give methe less brittle beauty which is not likely to break in a man's arms. 

After all, I reflected, Mickey Clancy could take care quite well ofthat estate at Glandore; and, if he didn't, Father Donovan would soonbring him to trouble; and, if Father Donovan couldn't, why, the placewas worth very little any how. Besides, 'tis a very weak man whocannot throw an estate into the air for a pair of bright eyes. 

Aye, and Lady Mary's bright eyes! That was one matter. And there wasForister's bright sword. That was another matter. But to mydescendants I declare that my hesitation did not endure an instant. Forister might have an arm so supple and a sword so long that he mightbe able to touch the nape of his neck with his own point, but I wasfirm on English soil. I would meet him even if he were a _chevaux defrise_. Little it mattered to me. He might swing the ten arms of anIndian god; he might yell like a gale at sea; he might be moreterrible in appearance than a volcano in its passions; still I wouldmeet him. 

There was a knock, and at my bidding a servant approached and said: "Agentleman, Mr. Forister, wishes to see you, sir. "

For a moment I was privately in a panic. Should I say that I was ill, and then send for a doctor to prove that I was not ill? Should I runstraightway and hide under the bed? No!

"Bid the gentleman enter, " said I to the servant. 

Forister came in smiling, cool and deadly. "Good day to you, Mr. O'Ruddy, " he said, showing me his little teeth. "I am glad to see thatyou are not for the moment consorting with highwaymen and otherabandoned characters who might succeed in corrupting your morals, Mr. O'Ruddy. I have decided to kill you, Mr. O'Ruddy. You may have heardthat I am the finest swordsman in England, Mr. O'Ruddy?"

I replied calmly: "I have heard that you are the finest swordsman inEngland, Mr. Forister, whenever better swordsmen have been travelingin foreign parts, Mr. Forister, and when no visitors of fencingdistinction have taken occasion to journey here, Mr. Forister. "

This talk did not give him pleasure, evidently. He had entered withbrave composure, but now he bit his lip and shot me a glance ofhatred. "I only wished to announce, " he said savagely, "that I wouldprefer to kill you in the morning as early as possible. "

"And how may I render my small assistance to you, Mr. Forister? Haveyou come to request me to arise at an untimely hour?"

I was very placid; but it was not for him to be coming to my chamberwith talk of killing me. Still, I thought that, inasmuch as he wasthere, I might do some good to myself by irritating him slightly. Icontinued:

"I to-day informed my friends--"

"Your friends!" said he. 

"My friends, " said I. "Colonel Royale in this matter. "

"Colonel Royale!" said he. 

"Colonel Royale, " said I. "And if you are bound to talk more you hadbest thrust your head from the window and talk to those chimneysthere, which will take far more interest in your speech than I canwork up. I was telling you that to-day I informed my friends--then youinterrupted me. Well, I informed them--but what the devil I informedthem of you will not know very soon. I can promise you, however, itwas not a thing you would care to hear with your hands tied behindyou. "

"Here's a cold man with a belly full of ice, " said he musingly. "Ihave wronged him. He has a tongue on him, he has that. And here I havebeen judging from his appearance that he was a mere common dolt. And, what, Mr. O'Ruddy, " he added, "were you pleased to say to thegentlemen which I would not care to hear with my hands tied behindme?"

"I told them why you took that sudden trip to Bristol, " I answeredsoftly. 

He fairly leaped in a sudden wild rage. "You--told them?" hestuttered. "You poltroon! 'Twas a coward's work!"

"Be easy, " said I, to soothe him. "'Tis no more cowardly than it isfor the best swordsman in England to be fighting the worst swordsmanin Ireland over a matter in which he is entirely in the wrong, although 'tis not me that cares one way or another way. Indeed, Iprefer you to be in the wrong, you little black pig. "

"Stop, " said he, with a face as white as milk. "You told them--youtold them about--about the girl at Bristol?"

"What girl at Bristol?" said I innocently. "'Tis not me to be knowingyour wenches in Bristol or otherwheres. "

A red flush came into the side of his neck and swelled slowly acrosshis cheeks. "If you've told them about Nell!"

"Nell?" said I. "Nell? Yes, that's the name. Nell. Yes, Nell. And if Itold them about Nell?"

"Then, " he rejoined solemnly, "I shall kill you ten times if I lose mysoul in everlasting hell for it. "

"But after I have killed you eleven times I shall go to Bristol andhave some sweet interviews with fair Nell, " said I. This sting Iexpected to call forth a terrific outburst, but he remained scowlingin dark thought. Then I saw where I had been wrong. This Nell was nowmore a shame than a sweetheart, and he was afraid that word had beenpassed by me to the brother of--Here was a chance to disturb him. "When I was making my little joke of you and your flame at Bristol, "said I thoughtfully, "I believe there were no ladies present. I don'tremember quite. Any how we will let that pass. 'Tis of noconsequence. "

And here I got him in full cry. "_God rot you!_" he shrieked. Hissword sprang and whistled in the air. 

"Hold, " said I, as a man of peace. "'Twould be murder. My weapon is onthe bed, and I am too lazy to go and fetch it. And in the mean timelet me assure you that no word has crossed my lips in regard to Nell, your Bristol sweetheart, for the very excellent reason that I neverknew of her existence until you yourself told me some moments ago. "

Never before had he met a man like me. I thought his under-jaw woulddrop on the floor. 

"Up to a short time ago, " said I candidly, "your indecent amours weresafe from my knowledge. I can be in the way of putting myself assilent as a turtle when it comes to protecting a man from his follywith a woman. In fact, I am a gentleman. But, " I added sternly, "whatof the child?"

"The child?" he cried jumping. "May hell swallow you! And what may youknow of the child?"

I waved my hand in gentle deprecation of his excitement as I said:

"Peace, Forister; I know nothing of any child. It was only anobservation by a man of natural wit who desired to entertain himself. And, pray, how old is the infant?"

He breathed heavily. "You are a fiend, " he answered. Keeping his eyeson the floor, he deliberated upon his choice of conduct. Presently hesheathed his sword and turned with some of his old jauntiness towardthe door. "Very good, " said he. "To-morrow we shall know more of ourown affairs. "

"True, " I replied. 

"We shall learn if slyness and treachery are to be defeated byfair-going and honour. "

"True, " said I. 

"We shall learn if a snake in the grass can with freedom bite the footof a lion. "

"True, " said I. 

There was a loud jovial clamour at the door, and at my cry it flewopen. Colonel Royale entered precipitately, beaming with good humour. 

"O'Ruddy, you rascal, " he shouted, "I commanded you to take much rest, and here I find--" He halted abruptly as he perceived my othervisitor. "And here I find, " he repeated coldly, "here I find Mr. Forister. "

Forister saluted with finished politeness. "My friend and I, " he said, "were discussing the probabilities of my killing him in the morning. He seems to think that he has some small chance for his life, but Ihave assured him that any real betting man would not wager a grain ofsand that he would see the sun go down to-morrow. "

"Even so, " rejoined the Colonel imperturbably. 

"And I also suggested to my friend, " pursued Forister, "that to-morrowI would sacrifice my ruffles for him, although I always abominatehaving a man's life-blood about my wrists. "

"Even so, " quoth the undisturbed Colonel. 

"And further I suggested to my friend that if he came to the groundwith a coffin on his back, it might promote expedition after theaffair was over. "

Colonel Royale turned away with a gesture of disgust. 

I thought it was high time to play an ace at Forister and stop hisbabble, so I said:

"And when Mr. Forister had finished his graceful remarks we had sometalk regarding Mr. Forister's affairs in Bristol, and I confess I wasmuch interested in hearing about the little--"

Here I stopped abruptly, as if I had been interrupted by Forister;but he had given me no sign but a sickly grin. 

"Eh, Forister?" said I. "What's that?"

"I was remarking that I had nothing further to say for the present, "he replied, with superb insolence. "For the time I am quite willing tobe silent. I bid you a good day, sirs. "

CHAPTER VIII

As the door closed upon Forister, Colonel Royale beat his handpassionately against the wall. "O'Ruddy, " he cried, "if you couldseverely maim that cold-blooded bully, I would be willing to adopt youas my legitimate grandfather. I would indeed. "

"Never fear me, " said I. "I shall pink him well. "

"Aye, " said my friend, looking at me mournfully, "I ever feared yourIrish light-heartedness. 'Twill not do to be confident. He is an evilman, but a great swordsman. Now I never liked Ponsonby, and Stewartwas the most lovable of men; but in the great duel Ponsonby killed--"

"No, " I interrupted, "damn the duel between Ponsonby and Stewart. I'msick of it. This is to be the duel between The O'Ruddy and Forister, and it won't be like the other. "

"Eh, well, " said the Colonel good-naturedly; "make your mind easy. ButI hope to God you lay him flat. "

"After I have finished with him, " said I in measured tones, "he willbe willing to sell himself as a sailor to go to the Indies; only, poordevil, he won't be able to walk, which is always a drawback after ahard fight, since it leaves one man incapable on the ground and thusdiscloses strong evidence of a struggle. "

I could see that Colonel Royale had no admiration for my bragging air, but how otherwise was I to keep up my spirits? With all mydiscouragements it seemed to me that I was privileged to do a littlefine lying. Had my father been in my place, he would have liedForister into such a corner that the man would be thinking that he hadthe devil for an opponent. My father knew more about such matters. 

Still I could not help but be thinking how misfortunate it was that Ihad kicked a great swordsman out of this inn at Bristol when he mighthave been a harmless shoemaker if I had only decent luck. I must makethe best of it, and for this my only method was to talk loudly, --tomyself, if need be; to others if I could. I was not the kind that isquite unable to say a good word for itself even if I was not able tolie as well as my father in his prime. In his day he could lie thecoat off a man's back, or the patches off a lady's cheek, and he couldlie a good dog into howling ominously. Still it was my duty to lie aswell as I was able. 

After a time Lord Strepp was announced and entered. Both he andColonel Royale immediately stiffened and decided not to perceive eachother. "Sir, " said Lord Strepp to me, "I have the honour to present mycompliments to you, and to request that you join a friend of mine, Mr. Forister, at dawn to-morrow, in the settlement of a certain smallmisunderstanding. "

"Sir, " said I, in the same manner, "I am only too happy to have thislittle matter adjusted. "

"And of course the arrangements, sir?"

"For them I may refer you to my friend Colonel Royale. "

"Ah, " said the young Lord, as if he had never before seen the Colonel. 

"I am at your service, sir, " said Colonel Royale as if he never in hiswhole life had heard of Lord Strepp. 

Then these two began to salaam one another, and mouth out foolphrases, and cavort and prance and caracole, until I thought them mad. When they departed there was a dreadful scene. Each refused to gothrough the door before the other. There was a frightful deadlock. They each bowed and scraped and waved their hands, and surrendered thedoorway back and forth, until I thought they were to be in my chambereternally. Lord Strepp gorgeously presented the right of way toColonel Royale, and the Colonel gorgeously presented the right of wayto Lord Strepp. All this time they were bending their backs at eachother. 

Finally I could stand it no longer. "In God's name, " I shouted, "thedoor is wide enough for the two of you. Take it together. You will gothrough like grease. Never fear the door. 'Tis a good wide door. "

To my surprise, they turned to glance at me and burst into greatlaughter. Then they passed out amiably enough together. I was alone. 

Well, the first thing I did was to think. I thought with all my force. I fancied the top of my skull was coming off. I thought myself intoten thousand intricacies. I thought myself into doom and out of it, and behind it and below it, but I could not think of anything whichwas of service to me. It seemed that I had come among a lot ofmummers, and one of these mummers was resolved to kill me, although Ihad never even so much as broken his leg. But I remembered my father'sword, who had told me that gentlemen should properly kill each otherover a matter of one liking oranges and the other not liking oranges. It was the custom among men of position, he had said, and of course away was not clear to changing this custom at the time. However, Idetermined that if I lived I would insist upon all these customs beingmoderated and re-directed. For my part I was willing that any manshould like oranges. 

I decided that I must go for a walk. To sit and gloom in my room untilthe time of the great affair would do me no good in any case. In factit was likely to do me much harm. I went forth to the garden in therear of the inn. Here spread a lawn more level than a ballroom floor. There was a summer-house and many beds of flowers. On this day therewas nobody abroad in the garden but an atrocious parrot, which, balancing on its stick, called out continually raucous cries in aforeign tongue. 

I paced the lawn for a time, and then took a seat in the summer-house. I had been there but a moment when I perceived Lady Mary and theCountess come into the garden. Through the leafy walls of thesummer-house I watched them as they walked slowly to and fro on thegrass. The mother had evidently a great deal to say to the daughter. She waved her arms and spoke with a keen excitement. 

But did I overhear anything? I overheard nothing! From what I knew ofthe proper conduct of the really thrilling episodes of life I judgedthat I should have been able to overhear almost every word of thisconversation. Instead, I could only see the Countess making irritatedspeech to Lady Mary. 

Moreover it was legitimate that I should have been undetected in thesummer-house. On the contrary, they were perfectly aware that therewas somebody there, and so in their promenade they presented it with adistinguished isolation. 

No old maid ever held her ears so wide open. But I could hear nothingbut a murmur of angry argument from the Countess and a murmur ofgentle objection from Lady Mary. I was in possession of an ideal placefrom which to overhear conversation. Almost every importantconversation ever held had been overheard from a position of thiskind. It seemed unfair that I, of all men in literature, should bedenied this casual and usual privilege. 

The Countess harangued in a low voice at great length; Lady Maryanswered from time to time, admitting this and admitting that, protesting against the other. It seemed certain to me that talkrelated to Forister, although I had no real reason for thinking it. And I was extremely angry that the Countess of Westport and herdaughter, Lady Mary Strepp, should talk of Forister. 

Upon my indignant meditations the parrot interpolated:

"Ho, ho!" it cried hoarsely. "A pretty lady! A pretty lady! A prettylady! A pretty lady!--"

Lady Mary smiled at this vacuous repetition, but her mother went intoa great rage, opening her old jaws like a maddened horse. "Here, landlord! Here, waiter! Here, anybody!"

So people came running from the inn, and at their head was, trulyenough, the landlord. "My lady, " he cried panting. 

She pointed an angry and terrible finger at the parrot. "When I walkin this garden, am I to be troubled with this wretched bird?"

The landlord almost bit the turf while the servants from the inngrovelled near him. "My lady, " he cried, "the bird shall be removed atonce. " He ran forward. The parrot was chained by its leg to a tallperch. As the innkeeper came away with the entire business, the parrotbegan to shout: "Old harridan! Old harridan! Old harridan!" Theinnkeeper seemed to me to be about to die of wild terror. It was adreadful moment. One could not help but feel sorry for this poorwretch, whose sole offence was that he kept an inn and also chose tokeep a parrot in his garden. 

The Countess sailed grandly toward the door of the hotel. To thesolemn protestations of six or seven servants she paid no heed. At thedoor she paused and turned for the intimate remark. "I cannot endureparrots, " she said impressively. To this dictum the menials crouched. 

The servants departed: the garden was now empty save for Lady Mary andme. She continued a pensive strolling. Now, I could see plainly thathere fate had arranged for some kind of interview. The whole thing wasset like a scene in a theatre. I was undoubtedly to emerge suddenlyfrom the summer-house; the lovely maid would startle, blush, cast downher eyes, turn away. Then, when it came my turn, I would doff my hatto the earth and beg pardon for continuing a comparatively futileexistence. Then she would slyly murmur a disclaimer of any ability tocriticise my continuation of a comparatively futile existence, addingthat she was but an inexperienced girl. The ice thus being broken, wewould travel by easy stages into more intimate talk. 

I looked down carefully at my apparel and flecked a handkerchief overit. I tilted my hat; I set my hip against my harbour. A moment ofindecision, of weakness, and I was out of the summer-house. God knowshow I hoped that Lady Mary would not run away. 

But the moment she saw me she came swiftly to me. I almost lost mywits. 

"'Tis the very gentleman I wished to see, " she cried. She wasblushing, it is true, but it was evident she intended to say nothingabout inexperience or mere weak girls. "I wished to see you because--"she hesitated and then rapidly said: "It was about the papers. Iwanted to thank you--I--you have no notion how happy the possession ofthe papers has made my father. It seemed to have given him new life. I--I saw you throw your sword on the floor with the hilt away fromyou. And--and then you gave me the papers. I knew you were a gallantgentleman. "

All this time, I, in my confusion, was bobbing and murmuring pledgesof service. But if I was confused, Lady Mary was soon cool enough inthe presence of a simple bog-trotter like me. Her beautiful eyeslooked at me reflectively. 

"There is only one service I can render you, sir, " said she softly. "'Tis advice which would have been useful in saving some men's livesif only they had received it. I mean--don't fight with Forister in themorning. 'Tis certain death. "

It was now my turn once more. I drew myself up, and for the first timeI looked squarely into her bright eyes. 

"My lady, " said I, with mournful dignity, "I was filled with pridewhen you said the good word to me. But what am I to think now? Am I, after all, such a poor stick that, to your mind, I could be advised tosell my honour for a mere fear of being killed?"

Even then I remembered my one-time decision to run away from the duelwith Forister; but we will not be thinking of that now. 

Tears came into Lady Mary's eyes. "Ah, now, I have blundered, " shesaid. "'Tis what you would say, sir. 'Tis what you would do. I haveonly made matters worse. A woman's meddling often results in thedestruction of those she--those she don't care to have killed. "

One would think from the look of this last sentence, that with certainreason I could have felt somewhat elated without being altogether afool. Lady Mary meant nothing of importance by her speech, but it wasa little bit for a man who was hungry to have her think of him. Buthere I was assailed by a very demon of jealousy and distrust. Thisbeautiful witch had some plan in her head which did not concern mywelfare at all. Why should she, a great lady, take any trouble for apoor devil who was living at an inn on money borrowed from ahighwayman. I had been highly honoured by an indifferentconsideration born of a wish to be polite to a man who had eased themind of her father. No; I would not deceive myself. 

But her tears! Were they marking indifferent consideration? For asecond I lost myself in a roseate impossible dream. I dreamed that shehad spoken to me because she--

Oh, what folly! Even as I dreamed, she turned to me with splendidcarriage, and remarked coldly:

"I did not wish you to suppose that I ever failed to pay a debt. Ihave paid this one. Proceed now, sir, in your glowing stupidity. Ihave done. "

When I recovered myself she was placidly moving away from me towardthe door of the inn. 

CHAPTER IX

I had better be getting to the story of the duel. I have been hangingback with it long enough, and I shall tell it at once. I remember myfather saying that the most aggravating creature in life was one whowould be keeping back the best part of a story through mere reasons oftrickery, although I have seen himself dawdle over a tale until hisfriends wished to hurl the decanters at him. However, there can be nodoubting of the wisdom of my father's remark. Indeed there can belittle doubting of the wisdom of anything that my father said in life, for he was a very learned man. The fact that my father did notinvariably defer to his own opinions does not alter the truth of thoseopinions in my judgment, since even the greatest of philosophers ismore likely to be living a life based on the temper of his wife andthe advice of his physician than on the rules laid down in his books. Nor am I certain that my father was in a regular habit of delaying astory. I only remember this one incident, wherein he was recounting astirring tale of a fight with a lancer, and just as the lance waswithin an inch of the paternal breast my father was reminded, by asight of the walnuts, that Mickey Clancy was not serving the port withhis usual rapidity, and so he addressed him. I remember the wordswell. 

"Mickey, you spalpeen, " said my father, "would you be leaving thegentlemen as dry as the bottom of Moses' feet when he crossed the RedSea? Look at O'Mahoney there! He is as thirsty as a fish in the top ofa tree. And Father Donovan has had but two small quarts, and he nevertakes less than five. Bad luck to you, Mickey, if it was a drink foryour own stomach, you would be moving faster. Are you wishing to ruinmy reputation for hospitality, you rogue you?"

And my father was going on with Mickey, only that he looked about himat this time and discovered his guests all upon their feet, one withthe tongs and one with the poker, others with decanters ready tothrow. 

"What's this?" said he. 

"The lance, " said they. 

"What lance?" said he. 

"The lance of the lancer, " said they. 

"And why shouldn't he have a lance?" said my father. "'Faith, 'twouldbe an odd lancer without a lance!"

By this time they were so angry that Mickey, seeing how things weregoing, and I being a mere lad, took me from the room. I never heardprecisely what happened to the lancer, but he must have had the worstof it, for wasn't my father, seated there at the table, telling thestory long years after?

Well, as to my duel with Forister: Colonel Royale was an extremelybusy man, and almost tired my life out with a quantity of needlessattentions. For my part, I thought more of Lady Mary and the fact thatshe considered me no more than if I had been a spud. Colonel Royalefluttered about me. I would have gruffly sent him away if it were notthat everything he did was meant in kindliness and generous feeling. Iwas already believing that he did not have more than one brain in hishead, but I could not be ungrateful for his interest and enthusiasm ingetting me out to be hurt correctly. I understood, long yearsafterward, that he and Lord Strepp were each so particular in thenegotiations that no less than eighteen bottles of wine were consumed. 

The morning for the duel dawned softly warm, softly wet, softly foggy. The Colonel popped into my room the moment I was dressed. To mysurprise, he was now quite mournful. It was I, now, who had to do thecheering. 

"Your spirits are low, Colonel?" said I banteringly. 

"Aye, O'Ruddy, " he answered with an effort, "I had a bad night, withthe gout. Heaven help this devil from getting his sword into yourbowels. "

He had made the appointment with Strepp, of course, and as we walkedtoward the ground he looked at me very curiously out of the ends ofhis eyes. "You know--ah, you have the honour of the acquaintance ofLady Mary Strepp, O'Ruddy?" said he suddenly and nervously. 

"I have, " I answered, stiffening. Then I said: "And you?"

"Her father and I were friends before either of you were born, " hesaid simply. "I was a cornet in his old regiment. Little Lady Maryplayed at the knee of the poor young subaltern. "

"Oh, " said I meanly, "you are, then, a kind of uncle. "

"Aye, " said he, "a kind of uncle. So much of an uncle, " he added withmore energy, "that when she gave me this note I thought much of actinglike a real uncle. From what I have unfortunately overheard, I suspectthat the Earl--aw--disagrees with you on certain points. "

He averted his face as he handed me the note, and eagerly I tore itopen. It was unsigned. It contained but three words: "God spare you!"And so I marched in a tumult of joy to a duel wherein I was expectedto be killed. 

I glanced at the Colonel. His countenance was deeply mournful. "'Tisfor few girls I would become a dove to carry notes between lovers, " hesaid gloomily. "Damn you for it, O'Ruddy!"

"Nay, Colonel, " said I. "'Tis no missive of love. Look you!"

But still he kept his eyes averted. "I judge it was not meant for myeyes, " he said, still very gloomy. 

But here I flamed up in wrath:

"And would the eye of an angel be allowed to rest upon this paper ifit were not fit that it should be so?" I demanded in my anger. "Colonel, am I to hear you bleat about doves and lovers when a glanceof your eye will disabuse you? Read!"

He read. "'God spare you!'" he repeated tenderly. Then he addressed mewith fine candor. "Aye, I have watched her these many years, O'Ruddy. When she was a babe I have seen her in her little bath. When she was asmall girl I have seen her asleep with some trinket clasped in herrosy hand on the coverlet. Since she has been a beautiful young lady Ihave--but no matter. You come along, named nobody, hailing fromnowhere; and she--she sends me out to deliver her prayer that God mayspare you!"

I was awed by this middle-aged sorrow. But, curse him! when she was ababe he had seen her in her little bath, had he? Damn his eyes! He hadseen the baby naked in her tiny tub? Damn his eyes again! I was insuch a fury that I longed to fight Royale on the spot and kill him, running my sword through his memory so that it would be blotted outforever, and never, never again, even in Paradise, could he recall theimage in the little tub. 

But the Colonel's next words took the rage out of me. 

"Go in, O'Ruddy, " he cried heartily. "There is no truer man could winher. As my lady says, 'God spare you!'"

"And if Forister's blade be not too brisk, I will manage to bespared, " I rejoined. 

"Oh, there is another thing touching the matter, " said the Colonelsuddenly. "Forister is your chief rival, although I little know whathas passed between them. Nothing important, I think, although I amsure Forister is resolved to have her for a bride. Of that I amcertain. He is resolved. "

"Is he so?" said I. 

I was numb and cold for a moment. Then I slowly began to boil, like akettle freshly placed on the fire. So I was facing a rival? Well, andhe would get such a facing as few men had received. And he was myrival and in the breast of my coat I wore a note--"God spare you!" Ha, ha! He little knew the advantages under which he was to play. Could Ilose with "God spare you!" against my heart? Not against threeForisters!

But hold! might it not be that the gentle Lady Mary, deprecating thisduel and filled with feelings of humanity, had sent us each a notewith this fervid cry for God to spare us? I was forced to concede itpossible. After all, I perfectly well knew that to Lady Mary I was amere nothing. Royale's words had been so many plumes in my life'shelmet, but at bottom I knew better than to set great store by them. The whole thing was now to hurry to the duelling-ground and see if Icould discover from this black Forister's face if he had received a"God spare you!" I took the Colonel's arm and fairly dragged him. 

"Damme, O'Ruddy!" said he, puffing; "this can be nought but genuineeagerness. "

When we came to the duelling-place we found Lord Strepp and Foristerpacing to and fro, while the top of a near-by wall was crowded withpleasant-minded spectators. "Aye, you've come, have ye, sirs?" calledout the rabble. Lord Strepp seemed rather annoyed, and Colonel Royalegrew red and stepped peremptorily toward the wall, but Forister and Ihad eyes only for each other. His eye for me was a glad, cruel eye. Ihave a dim remembrance of seeing the Colonel take his scabbard andincontinently beat many worthy citizens of Bristol; indeed, he seemedto beat every worthy citizen of Bristol who had not legs enough to getaway. I could hear them squeaking out protests while I keenly studiedthe jubilant Forister. 

Aye, it was true. He too had a "God spare you!" I felt my blood beginto run hot. My eyes suddenly cleared as if I had been empowered withmiraculous vision. My arm became supple as a whip. I decided upon onething. I would kill Forister. 

I thought the Colonel never would give over chasing citizens, but atlast he returned breathless, having scattered the populace over a widestretch of country. The preliminaries were very simple. In ahalf-minute Forister and I, in our shirts, faced each other. 

And now I passed into such a state of fury that I cannot find words todescribe it; but, as I have said, I was possessed with a remarkableclearness of vision and strength of arm. These phenomena amaze me evenat this day. I was so airy upon my feet that I might have been aspirit. I think great rages work thus upon some natures. Theircompetence is suddenly made manifold. They live, for a brief space, the life of giants. Rage is destruction active. Whenever anything inthis world needs to be destroyed, nature makes somebody wrathful. Another thing that I recall is that I had not the slightest doubt ofmy ability to kill Forister. There were no more misgivings: noquakings. I thought of the impending duel with delight. 

In all my midnight meditations upon the fight I had pictured myself aslying strictly upon the defensive and seeking a chance opportunity todamage my redoubtable opponent. But the moment after our swords hadcrossed I was an absolute demon of attack. My very first lunge madehim give back a long pace. I saw his confident face change to a lookof fierce excitement. 

There is little to say of the flying, spinning blades. It is onlynecessary to remark that Forister dropped almost immediately todefensive tactics before an assault which was not only impetuous butexceedingly brilliant, if I may be allowed to say so. And I know thaton my left a certain Colonel Royale was steadily growing happier. 

The end came with an almost ridiculous swiftness. The feeling of anugly quivering wrench communicated itself from the point of my swordto my mind; I heard Strepp and Royale cry "Hold!" I saw Forister fall;I lowered my point and stood dizzily thinking. My sight was nowblurred; my arm was weak. 

My sword had gone deep into Forister's left shoulder, and the bonesthere had given that hideous feeling of a quivering wrench. He was notinjured beyond repair, but he was in exquisite agony. Before theycould reach him he turned over on his elbows and managed in some wayto fling his sword at me. "Damn your soul!" he cried, and he gave asort of howl as Lord Strepp, grim and unceremonious, bounced him overagain upon his back. In the mean time Colonel Royale was helping me onwith my coat and waistcoat, although I hardly knew that either he orthe coat or waistcoat were in existence. 

I had my usual inclination to go forward and explain to everybody howit all had happened. But Royale took me forcibly by the arm, and weturned our backs on Strepp and Forister and walked toward the inn. 

As soon as we were out of their sight, Colonel Royale clasped my handswith rapture. "My boy, " he cried, "you are great! You are renowned!You are illustrious! What a game you could give Ponsonby! You wouldgive him such a stir!"

"Never doubt me, " said I. "But I am now your legitimate grandfather, and I should be treated with great respect. "

When we came near the inn I began to glance up at the windows. Isurely expected to see a face at one of them. Certainly she would careto know who was slain or who was hurt. She would be watching, I fondlyhoped, to see who returned on his legs. But the front of the innstared at us, chilly and vacant, like a prison wall. 

When we entered, the Colonel bawled lustily for an immediate bottle ofwine, and I joined him in its drinking, for I knew that it would be abellows to my flagging spirits. I had set my heart upon seeing a faceat the window of the inn. 

CHAPTER X

And now I found out what it was to be a famous swordsman. All that daythe inn seemed to hum with my name. I could not step down a corridorwithout seeing flocks of servants taking wing. They fled tumultuously. A silly maid coming from a chamber with a bucket saw me and shrieked. She dropped her bucket and fled back into the chamber. A man-servantsaw me, gave a low moan of terror, and leaped down a convenientstairway. All attendants scuttled aside. 

What was the matter with me? Had I grown in stature or developed aferocious ugliness? No; I now was a famous swordsman. That was all. Inow was expected to try to grab the maids and kiss them wantonly. Inow was expected to clout the grooms on their ears if they so much asshowed themselves in my sight. In fact, I was now a great blustering, overpowering, preposterous ass. 

There was a crowd of people in the coffee-room, but the buzz of talksuddenly ceased as I entered. 

"Is this your chair, sir?" said I civilly to a gentleman. 

He stepped away from the chair as if it had tried to bite him. 

"'Tis at your service, sir!" he cried hastily. 

"No, " said I, "I would not be taking it if it be yours, for there arejust as good chairs in the sea as ever were caught, and it would illbecome me to deprive a gentleman of his chair when by exercising alittle energy I can gain one for myself, although I am willing toadmit that I have a slight hunger upon me. 'Tis a fine morning, sir. "

He had turned pale and was edging toward the door. "'Tis at yourservice, sir, " he repeated in a low and frightened voice. All thepeople were staring at us. 

"No, good sir, " I remonstrated, stepping forward to explain. "I wouldnot be having you think that I am unable to get a chair for myself, since I am above everything able and swift with my hands, and it is asmall thing to get a chair for one's self and not deprive a worthygentleman of his own. "

"I did not think to deprive you, sir, " he ejaculated desperately. "Thechair is at your service, sir!"

"Plague the man!" I cried, stamping my foot impatiently; and at thestamping of my foot a waiter let fall a dish, some women screamed, three or four people disappeared through the door, and a venerablegentleman arose from his seat in a corner and in a tremulous voicesaid:

"Sir, let us pray you that there be no bloodshed. "

"You are an old fool, " said I to him. "How could there be bloodshedwith me here merely despising you all for not knowing what I mean whenI say it. "

"We know you mean what you say, sir, " responded the old gentleman. "Pray God you mean peaceably!"

"Hoity-toity!" shouted a loud voice, and I saw a great, tall, uglywoman bearing down upon me from the doorway. "Out of my way, " shethundered at a waiter. The man gasped out: "Yes, your ladyship!"

I was face to face with the mother of my lovely Mary. 

"Hoity-toity!" she shouted at me again. "A brawler, eh? A livelyswordster, hey? A real damn-my-eyes swaggering bully!"

Then she charged upon me. "How dare you brawl with these inoffensivepeople under the same roof which shelters me, fellow? By my word, Iwould have pleasure to give you a box on the ear!"

"Madam, " I protested hurriedly. But I saw the futility of it. Withoutdevoting further time to an appeal, I turned and fled. I dodged behindthree chairs and moved them hastily into a rampart. 

"Madam, " I cried, feeling that I could parley from my new position, "you labour under a misapprehension. "

"Misapprehend me no misapprehensions, " she retorted hotly. "How dareyou say that I can misapprehend anything, wretch?"

She attacked each flank in turn, but so agile was I that I escapedcapture, although my position in regard to the chairs was twicereversed. We performed a series of nimble manoeuvres which werecharacterized on my part by a high degree of strategy. But I found therampart of chairs an untenable place. I was again obliged hurriedly toretreat, this time taking up a position behind a large table. 

"Madam, " I said desperately, "believe me, you are suffering under agrave misapprehension. "

"Again he talks of misapprehension!"

We revolved once swiftly around the table; she stopped, panting. 

"And this is the blusterer! And why do you not stand your ground, coward?"

"Madam, " said I with more coolness now that I saw she would soon belosing her wind, "I would esteem it very ungallant behaviour if Iendured your attack for even a brief moment. My forefathers form abrave race which always runs away from the ladies. "

After this speech we revolved twice around the table. I must in allcandour say that the Countess used language which would not at allsuit the pages of my true and virtuous chronicle; but indeed it was noworse than I often heard afterward from the great ladies of the time. However, the talk was not always addressed to me, thank the Saints!

After we had made the two revolutions, I spoke reasonably. "Madam, "said I, "if we go spinning about the table in this fashion for anylength of time, these gawking spectators will think we are a pair ofwheels. "

"Spectators!" she cried, lifting her old head high. She beheld aboutseventy-five interested people. She called out loudly to them:

"And is there no gentleman among you all to draw his sword and beat methis rascal from the inn?"

Nobody moved. 

"Madam, " said I, still reasonable, "would it not be better to avoid apossible scandal by discontinuing these movements, as the tongues ofmen are not always fair, and it might be said by some--"

Whereupon we revolved twice more around the table. 

When the old pelican stopped, she had only enough breath left toimpartially abuse all the sight-seers. As her eye fixed upon them, The O'Ruddy, illustrious fighting-man, saw his chance and bolted likea hare. The escape must have formed a great spectacle, but I had notime for appearances. As I was passing out of the door, the Countess, in her disappointed rage, threw a heavy ivory fan after me, whichstruck an innocent bystander in the eye, for which he apologized. 

CHAPTER XI

I wasted no time in the vicinity of the inn. I decided that aninterval spent in some remote place would be consistent with thebehaviour of a gentleman. 

But the agitations of the day were not yet closed for me. Suddenly Icame upon a small, slow-moving, and solemn company of men, who carriedamong them some kind of a pallet, and on this pallet was the body ofForister. I gazed upon his ghastly face; I saw the large bloodblotches on his shirt; as they drew nearer I saw him roll his eyes andheard him groan. Some of the men recognized me, and I saw black looksand straight-pointing fingers. At the rear walked Lord Strepp withForister's sword under his arm. I turned away with a new impression ofthe pastime of duelling. Forister's pallor, the show of bloody cloth, his groan, the dark stares of men, made me see my victory in adifferent way, and I even wondered if it had been absolutely necessaryto work this mischief upon a fellow-being. 

I spent most of the day down among the low taverns of the sailors, striving to interest myself in a thousand new sights brought by theships from foreign parts. 

But ever my mind returned to Lady Mary, and to my misfortune in beingpursued around chairs and tables by my angel's mother. I had alsomanaged to have a bitter quarrel with the noble father of this lovelycreature. It was hardly possible that I could be joyous over myprospects. 

At noon I returned to the inn, approaching with some display ofcaution. As I neared it, a carriage followed by some horsemen whirledspeedily from the door. I knew at once that Lady Mary had been takenfrom me. She was gone with her father and mother back to London. Irecognized Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale among the horsemen. 

I walked through the inn to the garden, and looked at the parrot. Mysenses were all numb. I stared at the bird as it rolled its wicked eyeat me. 

"Pretty lady! Pretty lady!" it called in coarse mockery. 

"Plague the bird!" I muttered, as I turned upon my heel and enteredthe inn. 

"My bill, " said I. "A horse for Bath!" said I. 

Again I rode forth on a quest. The first had been after my papers. Thesecond was after my love. The second was the hopeless one, and, overcome by melancholy, I did not even spur my horse swiftly on mymission. There was upon me the deep-rooted sadness which balances themirth of my people, --the Celtic aptitude for discouragement; and eventhe keening of old women in the red glow of the peat fire could neverhave deepened my mood. 

And if I should succeed in reaching London, what then? Would the wildsavage from the rocky shore of Ireland be a pleasing sight to my LadyMary when once more amid the glamour and whirl of the fashionabletown? Besides, I could no longer travel on the guineas of Jem Bottles. He had engaged himself and his purse in my service because I had toldhim of a fortune involved in the regaining of certain papers. I hadregained those papers, and then coolly placed them as a gift in acertain lovely white hand. I had had no more thought of Jem Bottlesand his five guineas than if I had never seen them. But this was noexcuse for a gentleman. When I was arrived at the rendezvous I mustimmediately confess to Jem Bottles, the highwayman, that I had wrongedhim. I did not expect him to demand satisfaction, but I thought hemight shoot me in the back as I was riding away. 

But Jem was not at the appointed place under the tree. Not puzzled atthis behaviour, I rode on. I saw I could not expect the man to stayfor ever under a tree while I was away in Bristol fighting a duel andmaking eyes at a lady. Still, I had heard that it was always done. 

At the inn where Paddy holed Forister, I did not dismount, although ahostler ran out busily. "No, " said I. "I ride on. " I looked at theman. Small, sharp-eyed, weazened, he was as likely a rascal of ahostler as ever helped a highwayman to know a filled purse from a manwho was riding to make arrangements with his creditors. 

"Do you remember me?" said I. 

"No, sir, " he said with great promptitude. 

"Very good, " said I. "I knew you did. Now I want to know if Master JemBottles has passed this way to-day. A shilling for the truth and athrashing for a lie. "

The man came close to my stirrup. "Master, " he said, "I know you to bea friend of him. Well, in day-time he don't ride past our door. Therebe lanes. And so he ain't passed here, and that's the truth. "

I flung him a shilling. "Now, " I said, "what of the red giant?"

The man opened his little eyes in surprise. "He took horse with yougentlemen and rode on to Bristol, or I don't know. "

"Very good; now I see two very fine horses champing in the yard. Andwho owns them?"

If I had expected to catch him in treachery I was wrong. 

"Them?" said he, jerking his thumb. He still kept his voice lowered. "They belong to two gentlemen who rode out some hours agone along withsome great man's carriage. The officer said some pin-pricks he hadgotten in a duel had stiffened him, and made the saddle ill of easewith him, and the young lord said that he would stay behind as acompanion. They be up in the Colonel's chamber, drinking vastly. Butmind your life, sir, if you would halt them on the road. They be menof great spirit. This inn seldom sees such drinkers. "

And so Lord Strepp and Colonel Royale were resting at this inn whilethe carriage of the Earl had gone on toward Bath? I had a mind todismount and join the two in their roystering, but my eyes turnedwistfully toward Bath. 

As I rode away I began to wonder what had become of Jem Bottles andPaddy. Here was a fine pair to be abroad in the land. Here were twojewels to be rampaging across the country. Separately, they werevillains enough, but together they would overturn England and getthemselves hung for it on twin gibbets. I tried to imagine theparticular roguery to which they would first give their attention. 

But then all thought of the rascals faded from me as my mind receiveda vision of Lady Mary's fair face, her figure, her foot. It would notbe me to be thinking of two such thieves when I could be dreaming ofLady Mary with her soft voice and the clear depth of her eyes. Myhorse seemed to have a sympathy with my feeling and he leaped bravelyalong the road. The Celtic melancholy of the first part of the journeyhad blown away like a sea-mist. I sped on gallantly toward Bath andLady Mary. 

But almost at the end of the day, when I was within a few miles ofBath, my horse suddenly pitched forward onto his knees and nose. Therewas a flying spray of muddy water. I was flung out of the saddle, butI fell without any serious hurt whatever. We had been ambushed by somekind of deep-sided puddle. My poor horse scrambled out and stood withlowered head, heaving and trembling. His soft nose had been cutbetween his teeth and the far edge of the puddle. I led him forward, watching his legs. He was lamed. I looked in wrath and despair back atthe puddle, which was as plain as a golden guinea on a platter. I donot see how I could have blundered into it, for the daylight was stillclear and strong. I had been gazing like a fool in the direction ofBath. And my Celtic melancholy swept down upon me again, and even myfather's bier appeared before me with the pale candle-flames swayingin the gusty room, and now indeed my ears heard the loud wailing keenof the old women. 

"Rubbish, " said I suddenly and aloud, "and is it one of the bestswordsmen in England that is to be beaten by a lame horse?" My spiritrevived. I resolved to leave my horse in the care of the people ofthe nearest house and proceed at once on foot to Bath. The people ofthe inn could be sent out after the poor animal. Wheeling my eyes, Isaw a house not more than two fields away, with honest hospitablesmoke curling from the chimneys. I led my beast through a hole in thehedge, and I slowly made my way toward it. 

Now it happened that my way led me near a haycock, and as I nearedthis haycock I heard voices from the other side of it. I hastenedforward, thinking to find some yokels. But as I drew very close Isuddenly halted and silently listened to the voices on the other side. 

"Sure, I can read, " Paddy was saying. "And why wouldn't I be able? Ifwe couldn't read in Ireland, we would be after being cheated in ourrents, but we never pay them any how, so that's no matter. I would behaving you to know we are a highly educated people. And perhaps youwould be reading it yourself, my man?"

"No, " said Jem Bottles, "I be not a great scholar and it has a look ofamazing hardness. And I misdoubt me, " he added in a morose and enviousvoice, "that your head be too full of learning. "

"Learning!" cried Paddy. "Why wouldn't I be learned, since my unclewas a sexton and had to know one grave from another by looking at thestones so as never to mix up the people? Learning! says you? Andwasn't there a convent at Ballygowagglycuddi, and wasn'tBallygowagglycuddi only ten miles from my father's house, and haven'tI seen it many a time?"

"Aye, well, good Master Paddy, " replied Jem Bottles, oppressed andsullen, but still in a voice ironic from suspicion, "I never doubt mebut what you are a regular clerk for deep learning, but you have notyet read a line from the paper, and I have been waiting thishalf-hour. "

"And how could I be reading?" cried Paddy in tones of indignation. "How could I be reading with you there croaking of this and that andspeaking hard of my learning? Bad cess to the paper, I will be afterreading it to myself if you are never to stop your clatter, JemBottles. "

"I be still as a dead rat, " exclaimed the astonished highwayman. 

"Well, then, " said Paddy. "Listen hard, and you will hear suchlearning as would be making your eyes jump from your head. And 'tisnot me either that cares to show my learning before people who areunable to tell a mile-post from a church-tower. "

"I be awaiting, " said Jem Bottles with a new meekness apparently bornof respect for Paddy's eloquence. 

"Well, then, " said Paddy, pained at these interruptions. "Listen well, and maybe you will gain some learning which may serve you all yourlife in reading chalk-marks in taprooms; for I see that they have thatcustom in this country, and 'tis very bad for hard-drinking men whohave no learning. "

"If you would read from the paper--" began Jem Bottles. 

"Now, will you be still?" cried Paddy in vast exasperation. 

But here Jem Bottles spoke with angry resolution. "Come, now! Read!'Tis not me that talks too much, and the day wanes. "

"Well, well, I would not be hurried, and that's the truth, " said Paddysoothingly. "Listen now. " I heard a rustling of paper. "Ahem!" saidPaddy, "Ahem! Are ye listening, Jem Bottles?"

"I be, " replied the highwayman. 

"Ahem!" said Paddy. "Ahem! Are ye listening, Jem Bottles?"

"I be, " replied the highwayman. 

"Then here's for it, " said Paddy in a formidable voice. There wasanother rustling of paper. Then to my surprise I heard Paddy intone, without punctuation, the following words:

 "Dear Sister Mary I am asking the good father to write this because my hand is lame from milking the cows although we only have one and we sold her in the autumn the four shillings you owe on the pig we would like if convenient to pay now owing to the landlord may the plague take him how did your Mickey find the fishing when you see Peggy tell her--"

Here Jem Bottles's voice arose in tones of incredulity. 

"And these be the papers of the great Earl!" he cried. 

Then the truth flashed across my vision like the lightning. My twomadmen had robbed the carriage of the Earl of Westport, and had taken, among other things, the Earl's papers--my papers--Lady Mary's papers. I strode around the haycock. 

"Wretches!" I shouted. "Miserable wretches!"

For a time they were speechless. Paddy found his tongue first. 

"Aye, 'tis him! 'Tis nothing but little black men and papers with him, and when we get them for him he calls us out of our names in a foreigntongue. 'Tis no service for a bright man, " he concluded mournfully. 

"Give me the papers, " said I. 

Paddy obediently handed them. I knew them. They were my papers--LadyMary's papers. 

"And now, " said I, eyeing the pair, "what mischief have you two beencompassing?"

Paddy only mumbled sulkily. It was something on the difficulties ofsatisfying me on the subjects of little black men and papers. JemBottles was also sulky, but he grumbled out the beginning of anexplanation. 

"Well, master, I bided under the tree till him here came, and then wetogether bided. And at last we thought, with the time so heavy, wemight better work to handle a purse or two. Thinking, " he saiddelicately, "our gentleman might have need of a little gold. Well, andas we were riding, a good lad from the--your worship knowswhere--tells us the Earl's carriage is halting there for a time, butwill go on later without its escort of two gentlemen; only withservants. And, thinking to do our gentleman a good deed, I broughtthem to stand on the highway, and then he--"

"And then I, " broke in Paddy proudly, "walks up to the carriage-doorlooking like a king's cruiser, and says I, 'Pray excuse the manners ofa self-opinionated man, but I consider your purses would look betterin my pocket. ' And then there was a great trouble. An old owl of awoman screeched, and was for killing me with a bottle which she hadbeen holding against her nose. But she never dared. And with that anold sick man lifted himself from hundreds of cushions and says he, 'What do you want? You can't have them, ' says he, and he keepsclasping his breast. 'First of all, ' says I, 'I want what you havethere. What I want else I'll tell you at my leisure. ' And he was allfor mouthing and fuming, but he was that scared he gave me thesepapers--bad luck to them. " Paddy cast an evil eye upon the papers inmy hand. 

"And then?" said I. 

"The driver he tried for to whip up, " interpolated Jem Bottles. "Hewas a game one, but the others were like wet cats. "

"And says I, " continued Paddy, "'now we will have the gold, if itplease you. ' And out it came. 'I bid ye a good journey, ' says I, and Ithought it was over, and how easy it was highwaying, and I liked itwell, until the lady on the front seat opens her hood and shows me aprettier face than we have in all Ireland. She clasps two white hands. 'Oh, please Mister Highwayman, my father's papers--' And with that Ibacks away. 'Let them go, ' says I to Jem Bottles, and sick I was ofit, and I would be buying masses to-night if I might find a Christianchurch. The poor lady!"

I was no longer angry with Paddy. 

"Aye, " said Jem Bottles, "the poor lady was that forlorn!"

I was no longer angry with Jem Bottles. 

But I now had to do a deal of thinking. It was plain that the paperswere of supreme importance to the Earl. Although I had given them toLady Mary, they had returned to me. It was fate. My father had taughtme to respect these papers, but I now saw them as a sign in the sky. 

However, it was hard to decide what to do. I had given the papers toLady Mary, and they had fled back to me swifter than cormorants. Perhaps it was willed that I should keep them. And then there would betears in the eyes of Lady Mary, who suffered through the suffering ofher father. No; come good, come bad for me, for Jem Bottles, forPaddy, I would stake our fortunes on the act of returning the papersto Lady Mary. 

It is the way of Irishmen. We are all of us true philanthropists. Thatis why we have nothing, although in other countries I have seenphilanthropists who had a great deal. My own interest in the papers Istaked, mentally, with a glad mind; the minor interests of Jem Bottlesand Paddy I staked, mentally, without thinking of them at all. Butsurely it would be a tribute to fate to give anything to Lady Mary. 

I resolved on a course of action. When I aroused to look at mycompanions I found them seated face to face on the ground like playersof draughts. Between them was spread a handkerchief, and on thathandkerchief was a heap of guineas. Jem Bottles was saying, "Here bemy fingers five times over again. " He separated a smaller heap. "Herebe my fingers five times over again. " He separated another littlestack. "And here be my fingers five times over again and two more yet. Now can ye understand?"

"By dad, " said Paddy admiringly, "you have the learning this time, Master Bottles. My uncle the sexton could not have done it better. "

"What is all this?" said I. 

They both looked at me deprecatingly. "'Tis, your honour, " beganPaddy; "'tis only some little small sum--nothing to be talkedof--belonging to the old sick man in the carriage. "

"Paddy and Jem Bottles, " said I, "I forgive you the taking of thepapers. Ye are good men and true. Now we will do great deeds. "

CHAPTER XII

My plans were formed quickly. "We now have a treasure chest of nosmall dimensions, " said I, very complacent, naturally. "We can conquerLondon with this. Everything is before us. I have already establishedmyself as the grandest swordsman in the whole continent of England. Lately we have gained much treasure. And also I have the papers. Paddy, do you take care of this poor horse. Then follow me into Bath. Jem Bottles, do you mount and ride around the town, for I fear yourballadists. Meet me on the London road. Ride slowly on the highway toLondon, and in due time I will overtake you. I shall pocket a few ofthose guineas, but you yourself shall be the main treasury. Hold! whatof Paddy's hair? Did he rob the Earl with that great flame showing? Hedare not appear in Bath. "

"'Tis small tribute to my wit, sir, " answered Jem Bottles. "I would assoon go poaching in company with a lighthouse as to call a stand onthe road with him uncovered. I tied him in cloth until he looked nomore like himself than he now does look like a parson. "

"Aye, " said Paddy in some bad humour, "my head was tied in a bag. Mymother would not have known me from a pig going to market. And I wouldnot be for liking it every day. My hair is what the blessed Saintssent me, and I see no such fine hair around me that people are free tothrow the laugh at me. "

"Peace!" said I. 

Their horses were tied in an adjacent thicket. I sent Paddy off withmy lame mount, giving him full instructions as to his lies. I and JemBottles took the other horses and rode toward Bath. 

Where a certain lane turned off from the highway I parted with JemBottles, and he rode away between the hedges. I cantered into Bath. 

The best-known inn was ablaze with fleeting lights, and people wereshouting within. It was some time before I could gain a man to lookafter my horse. Of him I demanded the reason of the disturbance. "TheEarl of Westport's carriage has been robbed on the Bristol road, sir, "he cried excitedly. "There be parties starting out. I pray they catchhim. "

"And who would they be catching, my lad, " said I. 

"Jem Bottles, damn him, sir, " answered the man. "But 'tis a fiercetime they will have, for he stands no less than eight feet in hisboots, and his eyes are no human eyes, but burn blood-red always. Hishands are adrip with blood, and 'tis said that he eats human flesh, sir. He surely is a devil, sir. "

"From the description I would be willing to believe it, " said I. "However, he will be easy to mark. Such a monster can hardly bemistaken for an honest man. "

I entered the inn, while a boy staggered under my valises. I haddifficulty in finding the landlord. But in the corridor were a numberof travellers, and evidently one had come that day from Bristol, forhe suddenly nudged another and hurriedly whispered:

"'Tis him! The great Irish swordsman!"

Then the news spread like the wind, apparently, that the man who hadbeaten the great Forister was arrived in good health at the inn. Therewere murmurs, and a great deal of attention, and many eyes. I suddenlycaught myself swaggering somewhat. It is hard to be a famous personand not show a great swollen chicken-breast to the people. They aredisappointed if you do not strut and step high. "Show me to achamber, " said I splendidly. The servants bowed their foreheads to thefloor. 

But the great hubbub over the Earl's loss continued without abatement. Gentlemen clanked down in their spurs; there was much talk ofdragoons; the tumult was extraordinary. Upstairs the landlord led mepast the door of a kind of drawing-room. I glanced within and saw theEarl of Westport gesturing and declaiming to a company of gentlemen. He was propped up in a great arm-chair. 

"And why would he be waving his hands that way?" said I to twoservants who stood without. 

"His lordship has lost many valuable papers at the hands of amiscreant, sir, " answered one. 

"Is it so?" said I. "Well, then, I would see his lordship. "

But here this valet stiffened. "No doubt but what his lordship wouldbe happy to see you, sir, " he answered slowly. "Unfortunately, however, he has forbidden me to present strangers to his presence. "

"I have very important news. Do not be an idiot, " said I. "Announceme. The O'Ruddy. "

"The O'Ruggy?" said he. 

"The O'Ruddy, " said I. 

"The O'Rudgy?" said he. 

"No, " said I, and I told him again. Finally he took two paces withinthe room and sung out in a loud voice:

"The O'Rubby. "

I heard the voice of the sick old Earl calling out from his greatchair. "Why, 'tis the Irishman. Bid him enter. I am glad--I am alwaysvery glad--ahem!--"

As I strode into the room I was aware of another buzz of talk. Apparently here, too, were plenty of people who knew me as the famousswordsman. The Earl moved his jaw and mumbled. 

"Aye, " said he at last, "here is The O'Ruddy. And, do you know, Mr. O'Ruddy, I have been foully robbed, and, among other things, have lostyour worthless papers?"

"I heard that you had lost them, " I answered composedly. "But I refuseto take your word that they are worthless. "

Many people stared, and the Earl gave me a firm scowl. But afterconsideration he spoke as if he thought it well to dissemble a greatdislike of me. The many candles burned very brightly, and we could allsee each other. I thought it better to back casually toward the wall. 

"You never accomplish anything, " coughed the sick Earl. "Yet you arefor ever prating of yourself. I wish my son were here. My papers aregone. I shall never recover them. "

"The papers are in the breast of my coat at this moment, " said Icoolly. 

There was a great tumult. The Earl lost his head and cried:

"Seize him!" Two or three young men took steps toward me. I was backto the wall, and in a leisurely and contemptuous way I drew my sword. 

"The first gentleman who advances is a dead man, " said I pleasantly. 

Some drew away quickly; some hesitated, and then withdrew subtilely. In the mean time the screeches of the Earl mocked them all. 

"Aye, the wild Irishman brings you up to a stand, he does! Now whowill have at him? In all Bath I have no friend with a stout heart?"

After looking them over I said:

"No, my Lord, you have none. "

At this insult the aged peer arose from his chair. "Bring me mysword, " he cried to his valet. A hush fell upon us all. We wererendered immovable by the solemn dignity of this proceeding. 

It was some time before I could find my tongue. 

"And if you design to cross blades with me, you will find me a sadrenegade, " said I. "I am holding the papers for the hands of theirtrue owner. "

"And their true owner?" he demanded. 

"Lady Mary Strepp, " said I. 

He sank back into his seat. "This Irishman's impudence is beyondmeasuring, " he exclaimed. The hurrying valet arrived at that momentwith a sword. "Take it away! Take it away!" he cried. "Do I wishvalets to be handing swords to me at any time of the day or night?"

Here a belligerent red-faced man disengaged himself abruptly from thegroup of gentlemen and addressed the Earl. "Westport, " said he flatly, "I can ill bear your taunt concerning your Bath friends, and this isnot to speak of the insolence of the person yonder. "

"Oh, ho!" said I. "Well, and the person yonder remains serene in hisinsolence. "

The Earl, smiling slightly, regarded the new speaker. 

"Sir Edmund Flixton was ever a dainty swordsman, picking and choosinglike a lady in a flower-bed. Perchance he is anxious to fight thegentleman who has just given Reginald Forister something he will notforget?"

At this Flixton actually turned pale and drew back. Evidently he hadnot yet heard the news. And, mind you, I could see that he would fightme the next moment. He would come up and be killed like a gentleman. But the name of a great conqueror had simply appalled him and smittenhim back. 

The Earl was gazing at me with an entirely new expression. He hadcleverly eliminated all dislike from his eyes. He covered me with afriendly regard. 

"O'Ruddy, " he said softly, "I would have some private speech with you. Come into my chamber. "

The Earl leaned on the shoulder of his valet and a little fat doctor, and walked painfully into another room. I followed, knowing that I wasnow to withstand a subtle, wheedling, gentle attempt to gain thepapers without the name of Lady Mary being mentioned. 

The Earl was slowly lowered into a great chair. After a gasp of reliefhe devoted a brightening attention to me. "You are not a bad fellow, O'Ruddy, " he observed. "You remind me greatly of your father. Aye, hewas a rare dog, a rare dog!"

"I've heard him say so, many is the day, sir, " I answered. 

"Aye, a rare dog!" chuckled the old man. "I have in my memory somebrisk pictures of your father with his ready tongue, hiswhat-the-devil-does-it-matter-sir, and that extraordinaryswordsmanship which you seem to have inherited. "

"My father told me you were great friends in France, " I answeredcivilly, "but from some words you let drop in Bristol I judged that hewas mistaken. "

"Tut, " said the Earl. "You are not out of temper with me, are you, O'Ruddy?"

"With me happily in possession of the papers, " I rejoined, "I am ingood temper with everybody. 'Tis not for me to lose my good naturewhen I hold all the cards. "

The Earl's mouth quickly dropped to a sour expression, but almost asquickly he put on a pleasant smile. "Aye, " he said, nodding his sickhead. "Always jovial, always jovial. Precisely like his father. Infact it brings back an old affection. "

"If the old affection had been brought back a little earlier, sir, "said I, "we all would have had less bother. 'Twas you who in thebeginning drew a long face and set a square chin over the business. Iam now in the mood to be rather airy. "

Our glances blazed across each other. 

"But, " said the Earl in the gentlest of voices, "you have my papers, O'Ruddy, papers entrusted to you by your dying father to give into thehands of his old comrade. Would you betray such a sacred trust? Couldyou wanton yourself to the base practices of mere thievery?"

"'Tis not I who has betrayed any trust, " I cried boldly. "I broughtthe papers and wished to offer them. They arrived in your possession, and you cried 'Straw, straw!' Did you not?"

"'Twas an expedient, O'Ruddy, " said the Earl. 

"There is more than one expedient in the world, " said I. "I am nowusing the expedient of keeping the papers. "

And in the glance which he gave me I saw that I had been admittedbehind a certain barrier. He was angry, but he would never moreattempt to overbear me with grand threats. And he would never moreattempt to undermine me with cheap flattery. We had measured oneagainst the other, and he had not come away thinking out of hisproportion. After a time he said:

"What do you propose to do, Mr. O'Ruddy?"

I could not help but grin at him. "I propose nothing, " said I. "I amnot a man for meaning two things when I say one. "

"You've said one thing, I suppose?" he said slowly. 

"I have, " said I. 

"And the one thing?" said he. 

"Your memory is as good as mine, " said I. 

He mused deeply and at great length. "You have the papers?" he askedfinally. 

"I still have them, " said I. 

"Then, " he cried with sudden vehemence, "why didn't you read thepapers and find out the truth?"

I almost ran away. 

"Your--your lordship, " I stammered, "I thought perhaps in London--inLondon perhaps--I might get a--I would try to get a tutor. "

CHAPTER XIII

"So that is the way of it, is it?" said the Earl, grinning. "And whydid you not take it to some clerk?"

"My lord, " said I with dignity, "the papers were with me in trust foryou. A man may be a gentleman and yet not know how to read and write. "

"'Tis quite true, " answered he. 

"And when I spoke of the tutor in London I did not mean to say that Iwould use what knowledge he imparted to read your papers. I was merelyblushing for the defects in my education, although Father Donovanoften said that I knew half as much as he did, poor man, and him aholy father. If you care to so direct me, I can go even now to mychamber and make shift to read the papers. "

"The Irish possess a keen sense of honour, " said he admiringly. 

"We do, " said I. "We possess more integrity and perfect sense ofhonour than any other country in the world, although they all say thesame of themselves, and it was my own father who often said that hewould trust an Irishman as far as he could see him and no more, butfor a foreigner he had only the length of an eyelash. "

"And what do you intend with the papers now, O'Ruddy?" said he. 

"I intend as I intended, " I replied. "There is no change in me. "

"And your intentions?" said he. 

"To give them into the hands of Lady Mary Strepp and no other, " said Iboldly. 

I looked at him. He looked at me. 

"Lady Mary Strepp, my daughter, " he said in ironic musing. "Would nother mother do, O'Ruddy?" he asked softly. 

I gave a start. 

"She is not near?" I demanded, looking from here to there. 

He laughed. 

"Aye, she is. I can have her here to take the papers in one shortmoment. "

I held up my hands. 

"No--no--"

"Peace, " said he with a satanic chuckle. "I was only testing yourcourage. "

"My lord, " said I gravely, "seeing a bare blade come at your breast isone thing, and running around a table is another, and besides you haveno suitable table in this chamber. "

The old villain laughed again. 

"O'Ruddy, " he cried, "I would be a well man if you were always nearme. Will I have a table fetched up from below?--'twould be easy. "

Here I stiffened. 

"My lord, this is frivolity, " I declared. "I came here to give thepapers. If you do not care to take them in the only way in which Iwill give them, let us have it said quickly. "

"They seem to be safe in your hands at present, " he remarked. "Ofcourse after you go to London and get a tutor--ahem!--"

"I will be starting at once, " said I, "although Father Donovan alwaystold me that he was a good tutor as tutors went at the time inIreland. And I want to be saying now, my lord, that I cannotunderstand you. At one moment you are crying one thing of the papers;at the next moment you are crying another. At this time you are havinga laugh with me over them. What do you mean? I'll not stand thisshiver-shavering any longer, I'll have you to know. What do you mean?"

He raised himself among his cushions and fixed me with a bony finger. 

"What do I mean? I'll tell you, O'Ruddy, " said he, while his eyesshone brightly. "I mean that I can be contemptuous of your plot. Youwill not show these papers to any breathing creature because you arein love with my daughter. Fool, to match your lies against anex-minister of the King. "

My eyes must have almost dropped from my head, but as soon as Irecovered from my dumfounderment I grew amazed at the great intellectof this man. I had told nobody, and yet he knew all about it. Yes, Iwas in love with Lady Mary, and he was as well informed of it as if hehad had spies to watch my dreams. And I saw that in many cases a loverwas a kind of an ostrich, the bird which buries its head in the sandsand thinks it is secure from detection. I wished that my father hadtold me more about love, for I have no doubt he knew everything of it, he had lived so many years in Paris. Father Donovan, of course, couldnot have helped me in such instruction. I resolved, any how, to bemore cautious in the future, although I did not exactly see how Icould improve myself. The Earl's insight was pure mystery to me. Iwould not be for saying that he practised black magic, but any how, ifhe had been at Glandore, I would have had him chased through threeparishes. 

However, the Earl was grinning victoriously, and I saw that I mustharden my face to a brave exterior. 

"And is it so?" said I. "Is it so?"

"Yes, " he said, with his grin. 

"And what then?" said I bluntly. 

In his enjoyment he had been back again among his cushions. 

"'What then? What then?'" he snarled, rearing up swiftly. "Why, thenyou are an insolent fool: Begone from me! begone! be--" Here somespasm overtook him, a spasm more from rage than from the sickness. Hefell back breathless, although his eyes continued to burn at me. 

"My lord, " said I, bowing, "I will go no poorer than when I came, savethat I have lost part of the respect I once had for you. "

I turned and left his chamber. Some few gentlemen yet remained in thedrawing-room as I passed out into the public part of the inn. I wentquietly to a chamber and sat down to think. I was for ever going tochambers and sitting down to think after these talks with the Earl, during which he was for ever rearing up in his chair and then fallingback among the cushions. 

But here was another tumble over the cliffs, if you like! Here wasgenuine disaster. I laid my head in my hands and mused before mylonely fire, drinking much and visioning my ruin. What the Earl saidwas true. There was trouble in the papers for the old nobleman. Thathe knew. That I knew. And he knew with his devilish wisdom that Iwould lose my head rather than see her in sorrow. Well, I could bide atime. I would go to London in company with Paddy and Jem Bottles, since they owned all the money, and if three such rogues could notdevise something, then I would go away and bury myself in a war inforeign parts, occupying myself in scaling fortresses and capturingguns. These things I know I could have performed magnificently, butfrom the Earl I had learned that I was an ill man to conduct an affairof the heart. 

I do not know how long I meditated, but suddenly there was a greattumult on the stairs near my door. There were the shouts and heavybreathings of men, struggling, and over all rang a screech as fromsome wild bird. I ran to the door and poked my head discreetly out;for my coat and waistcoat were off as well as my sword, and I wishedto see the manner of tumult at a distance before I saw it close. As Ithrust forth my head I heard a familiar voice:

"And if ye come closer, ye old hell-cat, 'tis me will be forgettingrespect to my four great-grandmothers and braining you. Keep off! Am Inot giving ye the word? Keep off!"

Then another familiar voice answered him in a fine high fury. "And yougallows-bird, you gallows-bird, you gallows-bird! You answer me, doyou! They're coming, all, even to the hangman! You'll soon know how todance without a fiddler! Ah, would you? Would you?"

If I had been afflicted with that strange malady of the body whichsometimes causes men to fall to the ground and die in a moment withouta word, my doom would have been sealed. It was Paddy and Hoity-Toityengaged in animated discussion. 

"And if ye don't mind your eye, ye old cormorant--" began Paddy. 

"And you would be a highwayman, would you, gallows-bird--" began theCountess. 

"Cow--" began Paddy. 

Here for many reasons I thought it time to interfere. "Paddy!" Icried. He gave a glance at my door, recognized my face, and, turningquickly, ran through into my chamber. I barred the door even asHoity-Toity's fist thundered on the oak. 

"It's a she-wolf, " gasped Paddy, his chest pressing in and out. 

"And what did you do to her?" I demanded. 

"Nothing but try to run away, sure, " said Paddy. 

"And why would she be scratching you?"

"She saw me for one of the highwaymen robbing the coach, and there wasI, devil knowing what to do, and all the people of the inn trying toput peace upon her, and me dodging, and then--"

"Man, " said I, grabbing his arm, "'tis a game that ends on the--"

"Never a bit, " he interrupted composedly. "Wasn't the old witch drunk, claws and all, and didn't even the great English lord, or whatever, send his servant to bring her in, and didn't he, the big man, stand inthe door and spit on the floor and go in when he saw she was forbattering all the servants and using worse talk than the sailors Iheard in Bristol? It would not be me they were after, those menrunning. It would be her. And small power to them, but they were nogood at it. I am for taking a stool in my hand--"

"Whist!" said I. "In England they would not be hitting great ladieswith stools. Let us hearken to the brawl. She is fighting themfinely. "

For I had seen that Paddy spoke truth. The noble lady was engaged inbattling with servants who had been in pursuit of her when she was inpursuit of Paddy. Never had I seen even my own father so drunk as shewas then. But the heart-rending thing was the humble protests of theservants. "Your ladyship! Oh, your ladyship!"--as they came up one byone, or two by two, obeying orders of the Earl, to be incontinentlyboxed on the ears by a member of a profligate aristocracy. Probablyany one of them was strong enough to throw the beldame out at awindow. But such was not the manner of the time. One would think theywould retreat upon the Earl and ask to be dismissed from his service. But this also was not the manner of the time. No; they marched upheroically and took their cuffs on the head and cried: "Oh, yourladyship! Please, your ladyship!" They were only pretenders in theirattacks; all they could do was to wait until she was tired, and thenhumbly escort her to where she belonged, meanwhile pulling gently ather arms. 

"She was after recognizing you then?" said I to Paddy. 

"Indeed and she was, " said he. He had dropped into a chair and waslooking as if he needed a doctor to cure him of exhaustion. "She wouldbe after having eyes like a sea-gull. And Jem Bottles was all fordeclaring that my disguise was complete, bad luck to the little man. "

"Your disguise complete?" said I. "You couldn't disguise yourselfunless you stood your head in a barrel. What talk is this?"

"Sure an' I looked no more like myself than I looked like a wild manwith eight rows of teeth in his head, " said Paddy mournfully. "My ownmother would have been after taking me for a horse. 'Tis that oldcreature with her evil eye who would be seeing me when all the otherswere blind as bats. I could have walked down the big street in Corkwithout a man knowing me. "

"That you could at any time, " said I. The Countess had for somemoments ceased to hammer on my door. "Hearken! I think they aremanaging her. "

Either Hoity-Toity had lost heart, or the servants had gained somecourage, for we heard them dragging her delicately down the staircase. Presently there was a silence. 

After I had waited until this silence grew into the higher silencewhich seems like perfect safety, I rang the bell and ordered food anddrink. Paddy had a royal meal, sitting on the floor by the fireplaceand holding a platter on his knee. From time to time I tossed himsomething for which I did not care. He was very grateful for mygenerosity. He ate in a barbaric fashion, crunching bones of fowlsbetween his great white teeth and swallowing everything. 

I had a mind to discourse upon manners in order that Paddy might notshame me when we came to London; for a gentleman is known by the waysof his servants. If people of quality should see me attended by sucha savage they would put me down small. "Paddy, " said I, "mend yourways of eating. "

"'My ways of eating, ' your honour?" said he. "And am I not eating allthat I can hold? I was known to be a good man at platter always. SureI've seen no man in England eat more than me. But thank you kindly, sir. "

"You misunderstand me, " said I. "I wish to improve your manner ofeating. It would not be fine enough for the sight of great people. Youeat, without taking breath, pieces as big as a block of turf. "

"'Tis the custom in my part of Ireland, " answered Paddy. 

"I understand, " said I. "But over here 'tis only very low people whofall upon their meat from a window above. "

"I am not in the way of understanding your honour, " said he. "But anyhow a man may be respectable and yet have a good hunger on him. "

CHAPTER XIV

It had been said that the unexpected often happens, although I do notknow what learned man of the time succeeded in thus succinctlyexpressing a great law and any how it matters little, for I have sincediscovered that these learned men make one headful of brains go a longway by dint of poaching on each other's knowledge. But the unexpectedhappened in this case, all true enough whatever. 

I was giving my man a bit of a warning. 

"Paddy, " said I, "you are big, and you are red, and you are Irish; butby the same token you are not the great Fingal, son of lightning. Iwould strongly give you the word. When you see that old woman youstart for the open moors. "

"Devil fear me, sir, " answered Paddy promptly. "I'll not be stopping. I would be swimming to Ireland before she lays a claw on me. "

"And mind you exchange no words with her, " said I, "for 'tis thatwhich seems to work most wrongfully upon her. "

"Never a word out of me, " said he. "I'll be that busy getting up theroad. "

There was another tumult in the corridor, with the same screeches byone and the same humble protests by a multitude. The disturbanceneared us with surprising speed. Suddenly I recalled that when theservant had retired after bringing food and drink I had neglected toagain bar the door. I rushed for it, but I was all too late. I saw thelatch raise. "Paddy!" I shouted wildly. "Mind yourself!" And with thatI dropped to the floor and slid under the bed. 

Paddy howled, and I lifted a corner of the valance to see what wastranspiring. The door had been opened, and the Countess stood lookinginto the room. She was no longer in a fiery rage; she was cool, deadlydetermined, her glittering eye fixed on Paddy. She took a stepforward. 

Paddy, in his anguish, chanted to himself an Irish wail in which hedescribed his unhappiness. "Oh, mother of me, and here I am caughtagain by the old hell-cat, and sure the way she creeps toward me isenough to put the fear of God in the heart of a hedge-robber, themurdering old witch. And it was me was living so fine and grand inEngland and greatly pleased with myself. Sorrow the day I leftIreland; it is, indeed. "

She was now close to him, and she seemed to be preparing for onestupendous pounce which would mean annihilation to Paddy. Her leanhands were thrust out, with the fingers crooked, and it seemed to methat her fingers were very long. In despair Paddy changed his tune andaddressed her. 

"Ah, now, alanna. Sure the kind lady would be for doing no harm? Beeasy, now, acushla. "

But these tender appeals had no effect. Suddenly she pounced. Paddyroared, and sprang backward with splendid agility. He seized a chair. 

Now I am quite sure that before he came to England Paddy had neverseen a chair, although it is true that at some time in his life he mayhave had a peep through a window into an Irish gentleman's house, where there might be a chair if the King's officers in theneighbourhood were not very ambitious and powerful. But Paddy handledthis chair as if he had seen many of them. He grasped it by the backand thrust it out, aiming all four legs at the Countess. It was a finemove. I have seen a moderately good swordsman fairly put to it by apack of scoundrelly drawers who assailed him at all points in thismanner. 

"An you come on too fast, " quavered Paddy, "ye can grab two legs, butthere will be one left for your eye and another for your brisket. "

However she came on, sure enough, and there was a moment of scufflingnear the end of the bed out of my sight. I wriggled down to gainanother view, and when I cautiously lifted an edge of the valance myeyes met the strangest sight ever seen in all England. Paddy, muchdishevelled and panting like a hunt-dog, had wedged the Countessagainst the wall. She was pinioned by the four legs of the chair, andPaddy, by dint of sturdily pushing at the chair-back, was keeping herin a fixed position. 

In a flash my mind was made up. Here was the time to escape. Iscrambled quickly from under the bed. "Bravo, Paddy!" I cried, dashingabout the room after my sword, coat, waistcoat, and hat. "Devil a fearbut you'll hold her, my bucko! Push hard, my brave lad, and mind yourfeet don't slip!"

"If your honour pleases, " said Paddy, without turning his eyes fromhis conquest, "'tis a little help I would be wishing here. She wouldbe as strong in the shoulder as a good plough-horse and I am not forstaying here for ever. "

"Bravo, my grand lad!" I cried, at last finding my hat, which hadsomehow gotten into a corner. From the door I again addressed Paddy inencouraging speech. "There's a stout-hearted boy for you! Hold hard, and mind your feet don't slip!"

He cast a quick agonized look in my direction, and, seeing that I wasabout basely to desert him, he gave a cry, dropped the chair, andbolted after me. As we ran down the corridor I kept well in advance, thinking it the best place in case the pursuit should be energetic. But there was no pursuit. When Paddy was holding the Countess prisonershe could only choke and stammer, and I had no doubt that she now waswell mastered by exhaustion. 

Curiously there was little hubbub in the inn. The fact that theCountess was the rioter had worked in a way to cause people to seeksecluded and darkened nooks. However, the landlord raised his bleat atme. "Oh, sir, such a misfortune to befall my house just when so manygrand ladies and gentlemen are here. "

I took him quietly by the throat and beat his head against the wall, once, twice, thrice. 

"And you allow mad ladies to molest your guests, do you?" said I. 

"Sir, " he stuttered, "could I have caused her to cease?

"True, " I said, releasing him. "But now do as I bid you and quickly. Iam away to London. I have had my plenty of you and your mad ladies. "

We started bravely to London, but we only went to another and quieterinn, seeking peace and the absence of fear. I may say we found it, and, in a chair before a good fire, I again took my comfort. Paddy saton the floor, toasting his shins. The warmth passed him into areflective mood. 

"And I know all I need of grand ladies, " he muttered, staring into thefire. "I thought they were all for riding in gold coaches and smellingof beautiful flowers, and here they are mad to be chasing Irishmen ininns. I remember old Mag Cooligan fought with a whole regiment ofKing's troops in Bantry, and even the drums stopped beating, thesoldiers were that much interested. But, sure, everybody would beknowing that Mag was no grand lady, although Pat Cooligan, herbrother, was pig-killer to half the country-side. I am thinking wewere knowing little about grand ladies. One of the soldiers had hishead broke by a musket because the others were so ambitious to destroythe old lady, and she scratching them all. 'Twas long remembered inBantry. "

"Hold your tongue about your betters, " said I sharply. "Don't becomparing this Mag Cooligan with a real Countess. "

"There would be a strange similarity any how, " said he. "But, sure, Mag never fought in inns, for the reason that they would not beletting her inside. "

"Remember how little you are knowing of them, Paddy, " said I. "'Tisnot for you to be talking of the grand ladies when you have seen onlyone, and you would not be knowing another from a fish. Grand ladiesare eccentric, I would have you to know. They have their ways withthem which are not for omadhauns like you to understand. "

"Eccentric, is it?" said he. "I thought it would be some suchdevilment. "

"And I am knowing, " said I with dignity, "of one lady so fine that ifyou don't stop talking that way of ladies I will break your thickskull for you, and it would matter to nobody. "

"'Tis an ill subject for discussion, I am seeing that, " said Paddy. "But, faith, I could free Ireland with an army of ladies like one I'veseen. "

"Will you be holding your tongue?" I cried wrathfully. 

Paddy began to mumble to himself, --"Bedad, he was under the bed fastenough without offering her a stool by the fire and a small drop ofdrink which would be no more than decent with him so fond of her. I amnot knowing the ways of these people. "

In despair of his long tongue I made try to change the talking. 

"We are off for London, Paddy. How are you for it?"

"London, is it?" said he warily. "I was hearing there are many fineladies there. "

For the second time in his life I cuffed him soundly on the ear. 

"Now, " said I, "be ringing the bell. I am for buying you a bit ofdrink; but if you mention the gentry to me once more in thatblackguard way I'll lather you into a resemblance to yourgrandfather's bones. "

After a pleasant evening I retired to bed leaving Paddy snug asleep bythe fire. I thought much of my Lady Mary, but with her mother stalkingthe corridors and her knowing father with his eye wide open, I knewthere was no purpose in hanging about a Bath inn. I would go toLondon, where there were gardens, and walks in the park, and parties, and other useful customs. There I would win my love. 

The following morning I started with Paddy to meet Jem Bottles andtravel to London. Many surprising adventures were in store for us, butan account of these I shall leave until another time, since one wouldnot be worrying people with too many words, which is a great fault ina man who is recounting his own affairs. 

CHAPTER XV

As we ambled our way agreeably out of Bath, Paddy and I employedourselves in worthy speech. He was not yet a notable horseman, but hisIrish adaptability was so great that he was already able to think hewould not fall off so long as the horse was old and tired. 

"Paddy, " said I, "how would you like to be an Englishman? Look attheir cities. Sure, Skibbereen is a mud-pond to them. It might be fineto be an Englishman. "

"I would not, your honour, " said Paddy. "I would not be an Englishmanwhile these grand--But never mind; 'tis many proud things I will sayabout the English considering they are our neighbours in one way; Imean they are near enough to come over and harm us when they wish. Butany how they are a remarkable hard-headed lot, and in time they maycome to something good. "

"And is a hard head such a qualification?" said I. 

Paddy became academic. "I have been knowing two kinds of hard heads, "he said. "Mickey McGovern had such a hard skull on him no stick in thesouth of Ireland could crack it, though many were tried. And whathappened to him? He died poor as a rat. 'Tis not the kind of hard headI am meaning. I am meaning the kind of hard head which believes itcontains all the wisdom and honour in the world. 'Tis what I mean. Ifyou have a head like that, you can go along blundering into ditchesand tumbling over your own shins, and still hold confidence inyourself. 'Tis not very handsome for other men to see; but devil a bitcare you, for you are warm inside with complacence. "

"Here is a philosopher, in God's truth, " I cried. "And where were youlearning all this? In Ireland?"

"Your honour, " said Paddy firmly, "you yourself are an Irishman. Youare not for saying there is no education in Ireland, for it educates aman to see burning thatches and such like. One of them was my aunt's, Heaven rest her!"

"Your aunt?" said I. "And what of your aunt? What have the English todo with your aunt?"

"That's what she was asking them, " said Paddy; "but they burned herhouse down over a little matter of seventeen years' rent she owed to afull-blooded Irishman, may the devil find him!"

"But I am for going on without an account of your burnt-thatcheducation, " said I. "You are having more than two opinions about theEnglish, and I would be hearing them. Seldom have I seen a man whocould gain so much knowledge in so short a space. You are interestingme. "

Paddy seemed pleased. "Well, your honour, " said he confidentially, "'tis true for you. I am knowing the English down to their toes. "

"And if you were an Englishman, what kind of an Englishman would youlike to be?" said I. 

"A gentleman, " he answered swiftly. "A big gentleman!" Then he beganto mimic and make gestures in a way that told me he had made good useof his eyes and of the society of underlings in the various inns. "Where's me man? Send me man! Oh, here you are! And why didn't youknow I wanted you? What right have you to think I don't want you?What? A servant dead? Pah! Send it down the back staircase at once andget rid of it. Bedad!" said Paddy enthusiastically, "I could do thatfine!" And to prove what he said was true, he cried "Pah!" severaltimes in a lusty voice. 

"I see you have quickly understood many customs of the time, " said I. "But 'tis not all of it. There are many quite decent people alivenow. "

"'Tis strange we have never heard tell of them, " said Paddy musingly. "I have only heard of great fighters, blackguards, and beautifulladies, but sure, as your honour says, there must be plenty of quietdecent people somewhere. "

"There is, " said I. "I am feeling certain of it, although I am notknowing exactly where to lay my hand upon them. "

"Perhaps they would be always at mass, " said Paddy, "and in that caseyour honour would not be likely to see them. "

"Masses!" said I. "There are more masses said in Ireland in one hourthan here in two years. "

"The people would be heathens, then?" said Paddy, aghast. 

"Not precisely, " said I. "But they have reformed themselves severaltimes, and a number of adequate reformations is a fine thing toconfuse the Church. In Ireland we are all for being true to theancient faith; here they are always for improving matters, and theirlearned men study the Sacred Book solely with a view to making neededchanges. "

"'Tis heathen they are, " said Paddy with conviction. "I was knowingit. Sure, I will be telling Father Corrigan the minute I put a foot onIreland, for nothing pleases him so much as a good obstinate heathen, and he very near discourses the hair off their heads. "

"I would not be talking about such matters, " said I. "It merely makesmy head grow an ache. My father was knowing all about it; but he wasalways claiming that if a heathen did his duty by the poor he was asgood as anybody, and that view I could never understand. "

"Sure, if a heathen gives to the poor, 'tis poison to them, " saidPaddy. "If it is food and they eat it, they turn black all over anddie the day after. If it is money, it turns red-hot and burns a holein their hand, and the devil puts a chain through it and drags themdown to hell, screeching. "

"Say no more, " said I. "I am seeing you are a true theologian of thetime. I would be talking on some more agreeable topic, something aboutwhich you know less. "

"I can talk of fishing, " he answered diffidently. "For I am a greatfisherman, sure. And then there would be turf-cutting, and the deadlystings given to men by eels. All these things I am knowing well. "

"'Tis a grand lot to know, " said I, "but let us be talking of London. Have you been hearing of London?"

"I have been hearing much about the town, " said Paddy. "FatherCorrigan was often talking of it. He was claiming it to be full ofloose women, and sin, and fighting in the streets during mass. "

"I am understanding something of the same, " I replied. "It must be anevil city. I am fearing something may happen to you, Paddy, --you withyour red head as conspicuous as a clock in a tower. The gay peoplewill be setting upon you and carrying you off. Sure there has neverbeen anything like you in London. "

"I am knowing how to be dealing with them. It will be all a matter ofreligious up-bringing, as Father Corrigan was saying. I have but to goto my devotions, and the devil will fly away with them. "

"And supposing they have your purse?" said I. "The devil might flyaway with them to an ill tune for you. "

"When they are flying away with my purse, " he replied suggestively, "they will be flying away with little of what could be called myancestral wealth. "

"You are natural rogues, " said I, "you and Jem Bottles. And you hadbest not be talking of religion. "

"Sure a man may take the purse of an ugly old sick monkey like him, and still go with an open face to confession, " rejoined Paddy, "and Iwould not be backward if Father Corrigan's church was a mile beyond. "

"And are you meaning that Father Corrigan would approve you in thisrobbery?" I cried. 

"Devil a bit he would, your honour, " answered Paddy indignantly. "Hewould be saying to me: 'Paddy, you limb of Satan, and how much did youget?' I would be telling him. 'Give fifteen guineas to the Church, youmortal sinner, and I will be trying my best for you, ' he would besaying. And I would be giving them. "

"You are saved fifteen guineas by being in England, then, " said I, "for they don't do that here. And I am thinking you are traducing yourclergy, you vagabond. "

"Traducing?" said he. "That would mean giving them money. Aye, I wasdoing it often. One year I gave three silver shillings. "

"You're wrong, " said I. "By 'traducing' I mean speaking ill of yourpriest. "

"'Speaking ill of my priest'?" cried Paddy, gasping with amazement. "Sure, my own mother never heard a word out of me!"

"However, " said I, "we will be talking of other things. The Englishland seems good. "

Paddy cast his eye over the rainy landscape. "I am seeing no turf forcutting, " he remarked disapprovingly, "and the potatoes would not begrowing well here. 'Tis a barren country. "

At nightfall we came to a little inn which was ablaze with light andringing with exuberant cries. We gave up our horses and entered. Tothe left was the closed door of the taproom, which now seemed tofurnish all the noise. I asked the landlord to tell me the cause ofthe excitement. 

"Sir, " he answered, "I am greatly honoured to-night. Mr. O'Ruddy, thecelebrated Irish swordsman, is within, recounting a history of hismarvellous exploits. "

"Indeed!" said I. 

"Bedad!" said Paddy. 

CHAPTER XVI

Paddy was for opening his mouth wide immediately, but I checked him. "I would see this great man, " said I to the landlord, "but I am sotimid by nature I fear to meet his eagle eye. Is there no way by whichwe could observe him in secret at our leisure?"

"There be one way, " remarked the landlord after deliberation. I hadpassed him a silver coin. He led us to a little parlour back of thetaproom. Here a door opened into the tap itself, and in this door wascut a large square window so that the good man of the inn couldsometimes sit at his ease in his great chair in the snug parlour andobserve that his customers had only that for which they were paying. It is a very good plan, for I have seen many a worthy man become arogue merely because nobody was watching him. My father often wassaying that if he had not been narrowly eyed all his young life, firstby his mother and then by his wife, he had little doubt but what hemight have been engaged in dishonest practices sooner or later. 

A confident voice was doing some high talking in the taproom. I peeredthrough the window, but at first I saw only a collection of gapingyokels, poor bent men with faces framed in straggly whiskers. Each hada pint pot clutched with a certain air of determination in his righthand. 

Suddenly upon our line of vision strode the superb form of JemBottles. A short pipe was in his mouth, and he gestured splendidlywith a pint pot. "More of the beer, my dear, " said he to a buxom maid. "We be all rich in Ireland. And four of them set upon me, " he criedagain to the yokels. "All noblemen, in fine clothes and withsword-hilts so flaming with jewels an ordinary man might have beenblinded. 'Stop!' said I. 'There be more of your friends somewhere. Call them. ' And with that--"

"'And with that'?" said I myself, opening the door and stepping inupon him. "'And with that'?" said I again. Whereupon I smote him ablow which staggered him against the wall, holding his crown with bothhands while his broken beer-pot rolled on the floor. Paddy was dancingwith delight at seeing some other man cuffed, but the landlord and theyokels were nearly dead of terror. But they made no sound; only thebuxom girl whimpered. 

"There is no cause for alarm, " said I amiably. "I was only greeting anold friend. 'Tis a way I have. And how wags the world with you, O'Ruddy?"

"I am not sure for the moment, " replied Jem Bottles ruefully. "I mustbide till it stops spinning. "

"Truth, " cried I. "That would be a light blow to trouble the greatO'Ruddy. Come now; let us have the pots filled again, and O'Ruddyshall tell us more of his adventures. What say you, lads?"

The yokels had now recovered some of their senses, and they greeted myplan with hoarse mutterings of hasty and submissive assent. 

"Begin, " said I sternly to the highwayman. He stood miserably on onefoot. He looked at the floor; he looked at the wall; from time totime he gave me a sheep's glance. "Begin, " said I again. Paddy waswild with glee. "Begin, " said I for the third time and very harshly. 

"I--" gulped out the wretched man, but he could get no further. 

"I am seeing I must help you, " said I. "Come now, when did you learnthe art of sticadoro proderodo sliceriscum fencing?"

Bottles rolled the eyes of despair at me, but I took him angrily bythe shoulder. "Come now; when did you learn the art of sticadoroproderodo sliceriscum fencing?"

Jem Bottles staggered, but at last he choked out: "My mother taughtme. " Here Paddy retired from the room, doubled in a strong butsoundless convulsion. 

"Good, " said I. "Your mother taught you. We are making progress anyhow. Your mother taught you. And now tell me this: When you slewCormac of the Cliffs, what passado did you use? Don't be stuttering. Come now; quick with you; what passado did you use? What passado?"

With a heroism born of a conviction that in any event he was a lostman, Jem Bottles answered: "A blue one. "

"Good, " I cried cheerfully. "'A blue one'! We are coming on fine. Hekilled Cormac with a blue passado. And now I would be asking you--"

"Master, " interrupted the highwayman with sudden resolution. "I willsay no more. I have done. You may kill me an it pleases you. "

Now I saw that enough was enough. I burst into laughter and clappedhim merrily on the shoulder. "Be cheery, O'Ruddy, " I cried. "Sure anIrishman like you ought to be able to look a joke in the face. " Hegave over his sulks directly, and I made him buy another pint each forthe yokels. "'Twas dry work listening to you and your exploits, O'Ruddy, " said I. 

Later I went to my chamber, attended by my followers, having orderedroast fowls and wine to be served as soon as possible. Paddy and JemBottles sat on stools one at each side of the fireplace, and Ioccupied a chair between them. 

Looking at my two faithful henchmen, I was suddenly struck by thethought that they were not very brisk servants for a gentleman to taketo fashionable London. I had taken Paddy out of his finery and dressedhim in a suit of decent brown; but his hair was still unbarbered, andI saw that unless I had a care his appearance would greatly surpriseand please London. I resolved to have him shorn at the first largetown. 

As for Jem Bottles, his clothes were well enough, and indeed he waspassable in most ways unless it was his habit, when hearing a suddennoise, to take a swift dark look to the right and to the left. Then, further, people might shrewdly note his way of always sitting with hisback to the wall and his face to the door. However, I had no doubt ofmy ability to cure him of these tricks as soon as he was far enoughjourneyed from the scenes of his earlier activity. 

But the idea I entertained at this moment was more to train them to befine grand servants, such as I had seen waiting on big people in Bath. They were both willing enough, but they had no style to them. Idecided to begin at once and see what I could teach them. 

"Paddy, " said I, taking off my sword and holding it out to him. "Mysword!"

Paddy looked at it. "It is, sir, " he answered respectfully. 

"Bad scran to you, Paddy!" I cried angrily. "I am teaching you yourduties. Take the sword! In both hands, mind you! Now march over andlay it very tenderly on the stand at the head of the bed. There now!"

I now turned my attention to Jem Bottles. 

"Bottles, " said I peremptorily, "my coat and waistcoat. "

"Yes, sir, " replied Bottles quickly, profiting by Paddy's lesson. 

"There now, " said I, as Bottles laid the coat and waistcoat on adresser. "'Tis a good beginning. When supper comes I shall teach youother duties. "

The supper came in due course, and after the inn's man had gone I bidJem and Paddy stand one on either side of my chair and a little wayback. "Now, " said I, "stand square on your feet, and hold your headsaway high, and stick your elbows out a little, and try to look as ifyou don't know enough to tell fire from water. Jem Bottles has it. That's it! Bedad! look at the ignorance on him! He's the man for you, Paddy! Wake up now, and look stupid. Am I not telling you?"

"Begor!" said Paddy dejectedly, "I feel like the greatest omadhaun inall the west country, and if that is not being stupid enough for yourhonour I can do no better. "

"Shame to you, Paddy, to let an Englishman beat you so easily, " saidI. "Take that grin off your face, you scoundrel! Now, " I added, "weare ready to begin. Wait, now. You must each have something to hold inyour fist. Let me be thinking. There's only one plate and little ofanything else. Ah, I have it! A bottle! Paddy, you shall hold one ofthe bottles. Put your right hand underneath it, and with your lefthand hold it by the neck. But keep your elbows out. Jem, what thedevil am I to give you to hold? Ah, I have it! Another bottle! Hold itthe same as Paddy. Now! Stand square on your feet, and hold your headsaway high, and stick your elbows out a little, and look stupid. I amgoing to eat my supper. "

I finished my first and second bottles with the silence only broken bythe sound of my knife-play and an occasional restless creaking ofboots as one of my men slyly shifted his position. Wishing to call formy third bottle, I turned and caught them exchanging a glance ofsympathetic bewilderment. As my eye flashed upon them, they stiffenedup like grenadier recruits. 

But I was not for being too hard on them at first. "'Tis enough forone lesson, " said I. "Put the bottles by me and take your ease. "

With evident feelings of relief they slunk back to the stools by thefire, where they sat recovering their spirits. 

After my supper I sat in the chair toasting my shins and lazilylistening to my lads finishing the fowls. They seemed much more likethemselves, sitting there grinding away at the bones and puffing withjoy. In the red firelight it was such a scene of happiness that Imisdoubted for a moment the wisdom of my plan to make them into finegrand numskulls. 

I could see that all men were not fitted for the work. It needed abeefy person with fat legs and a large amount of inexplicable dignity, a regular God-knows-why loftiness. Truth, in those days, real talentwas usually engaged in some form of rascality, barring the making ofbooks and sermons. When one remembers the impenetrable dulness of thegreat mass of the people, the frivolity of the gentry, the arroganceand wickedness of the court, one ceases to wonder that many men oftaste took to the highway as a means of recreation and livelihood. Andthere I had been attempting to turn my two frank rascals into the kindof sheep-headed rubbish whom you could knock down a great staircase, and for a guinea they would say no more. Unless I was the kicker, Ithink Paddy would have returned up the staircase after his assailant. Jem Bottles probably would have gone away nursing his wrath and hisinjury, and planning to waylay the kicker on a convenient night. Butneither would have taken a guinea and said no more. Each of thesesimple-hearted reprobates was too spirited to take a guinea for a kickdown a staircase. 

Any how I had a mind that I could be a gentleman true enough withoutthe help of Jem and Paddy making fools of themselves. I would worrythem no more. 

As I was musing thus my eyes closed from a sense of contentedweariness, but I was aroused a moment later by hearing Paddy addressJem Bottles in a low voice. "'Tis you who are the cool one, Jem!"said he with admiration, "trying to make them think you were _him_!"Here I was evidently indicated by a sideways bob of the head. "Haveyou not been seeing the fine ways of him? Sure, be looking at hisstride and his habit of slatting people over the head, and his grandmanners with his food. You are looking more like a candlestick thanyou are looking like him. I wonder at you. "

"But I befooled them, " said Bottles proudly. "I befooled them well. Itwas Mr. O'Ruddy here, and Mr. O'Ruddy there, and the handsome wenchshe gave me many a glance of her eye, she did. "

"Sorrow the day for her, then, " responded Paddy, "and if you would becozening the girls in the name of _him_ there, he will be cozeningyou, and I never doubt it. "

"'Twas only a trick to make the time go easy, it was, " said Bottlesgloomily. "If you remember, Master Paddy, I have spent the most of mynew service waiting under oak-trees; and I will not be saying that itrained always, but oft-times it did rain most accursedly. "

CHAPTER XVII

We rode on at daybreak. At the first large village I bid a little mancut Paddy's hair, and although Paddy was all for killing the littleman, and the little man twice ran away, the work was eventually done, for I stood over Paddy and threatened him. Afterward the little boyswere not so anxious to hoot us through the streets, calling usAfricans. For it must be recalled that at this time there was greatcuriosity in the provinces over the Africans, because it was knownthat in London people of fashion often had African servants; andalthough London cared nothing for the provinces, and the provincescared nothing for London, still the rumour of the strange maninterested the country clodhopper so greatly that he called Paddy anAfrican on principle, in order that he might blow to his neighboursthat he had seen the fascinating biped. There was no generalunderstanding that the African was a man of black skin; it was onlyunderstood that he was a great marvel. Hence the urchins in thesefar-away villages often ran at the heels of Paddy's horse, yelling. 

In time the traffic on the highway became greatly thickened, andseveral times we thought we were entering London because of the largesize and splendour of the towns to which we came. Paddy began to fearthe people had been deceiving us as to the road, and that we hadmissed London entirely. But finally we came to a river with hundredsof boats upon it, and there was a magnificent bridge, and on the otherbank was a roaring city, and through the fog the rain came down thickas the tears of the angels. "That's London, " said I. 

We rode out upon the bridge, all much interested, but somewhatfearful, for the noise of the city was terrible. But if it wasterrible as we approached it, I hesitate to say what it was to us whenwe were once fairly in it. "Keep close to me, " I yelled to Paddy andJem, and they were not unwilling. And so we rode into thispandemonium, not having the least idea where we were going. 

As we progressed I soon saw what occasioned the major part of thenoise. Many heavy carts thundered slowly through the narrow, echoingstreets, bumping their way uproariously over a miserable pavement. Added to this, of course, were the shrill or hoarse shouts of thestreet vendors and the apprentices at the shop-doors. To the sky arosean odour almost insupportable, for it was new to us all. 

The eaves of the houses streamed with so much water that the sidewalkswere practically untenable, although here and there a hardy wayfarerstrode on regardless of a drenched cloak, probably being too proud totake to the street. Once our travel was entirely blocked by a fight. Abutcher in a bloody apron had dashed out of his shop and attacked thedriver of a brewer's sledge. A crowd gathered miraculously and cheeredon this spectacle; women appeared at all the windows; urchins hooted;mongrel dogs barked. When the butcher had been worsted and chasedback into his shop by the maddened brewer we were allowed to pursueour journey. 

I must remark that neither of these men used aught but his hands. Mostly their fists were doubled, and they dealt each other sounding, swinging blows; but there was some hair-pulling, and when the brewerhad the butcher down I believe the butcher tried to bite hisopponent's ear. However they were rather high-class for theircondition. I found out later that at this time in the darker parts ofLondon the knife was a favourite weapon of the English and was asrampant as ever it is in the black alleys of an Italian city. It wasno good news for me, for the Irish had long been devoted to thecudgel. 

When I wish for information I always prefer making the request to agentleman. To have speech of a boor is well enough if he would notfirst study you over to find, if he can, why you want the information, and, after a prolonged pause, tell you wrong entirely. I perceived ayoung gentleman standing in under a porch and ogling a window on theopposite side of the way. "Sir, " said I, halting my horse close tohim, "would you be so kind as to point to a stranger the way to a goodinn?" He looked me full in the face, spat meaningly in the gutter, and, turning on his heel, walked away. And I will give oath he was notmore than sixteen years old. 

I sat stiff in the saddle; I felt my face going hot and cold. Thisnew-feathered bird with a toy sword! But to save me, as it happened, from a preposterous quarrel with this infant, another man came alongthe sidewalk. He was an older man, with a grave mouth and a clean-cutjowl. I resolved to hail him. "And now my man, " said I under mybreath, "if you are as bad as the other, by the mass, I'll have aturnover here with you, London or no London. "

Then I addressed him. "Sir--" I began. But here a cart roared on myother side, and I sat with my mouth open, looking at him. He smiled alittle, but waited courteously for the hideous din to cease. "Sir, " Iwas enabled to say at last, "would you be so kind as to point to astranger the way to a good inn?" He scanned me quietly, in order, nodoubt, to gain an idea what kind of inn would suit my condition. "Sir, " he answered, coming into the gutter and pointing, "'tis thisway to Bishopsgate Street, and there you will see the sign of the 'Pigand Turnip, ' where there is most pleasurable accommodation for man andbeast, and an agreeable host. " He was a shop-keeper of the city ofLondon, of the calm, steady breed that has made successive kingseither love them or fearingly hate them, --the bone and the sinew ofthe great town. 

I thanked him heartily, and we went on to the "Pig and Turnip. " As weclattered into the inn yard it was full of people mounting anddismounting, but there seemed a thousand stable-boys. A dozen flungthemselves at my horse's head. They quite lifted me out of the saddlein their great care that I should be put to no trouble. At the door ofthe inn a smirking landlord met me, bowing his head on the floor atevery backward pace, and humbly beseeching me to tell how he couldbest serve me. I told him, and at once there was a most pretentioushubbub. Six or eight servants began to run hither and yon. I wasdelighted with my reception, but several days later I discovered theyhad mistaken me for a nobleman of Italy or France, and I was expectedto pay extravagantly for graceful empty attentions rather than forsound food and warm beds. 

This inn was so grand that I saw it would no longer do for Paddy andJem to be sleeping in front of my fire like big dogs, so I noddedassent when the landlord asked if he should provide lodgings for mytwo servants. He packed them off somewhere, and I was left lonely in agreat chamber. I had some fears having Paddy long out of my sight, butI assured myself that London had such terrors for him he would notdare any Irish mischief. I could trust Jem Bottles to be discreet, forhe had learned discretion in a notable school. 

Toward the close of the afternoon, the rain ceased, and, attiringmyself for the street and going to the landlord, I desired him to tellme what interesting or amusing walk could now conveniently be taken bya gentleman who was a stranger to the sights of London. The man waggedhis head in disapproval. 

"'Twill be dark presently, sir, " he answered, "and I would be an illhost if I did not dissuade a perfect stranger from venturing abroad inthe streets of London of a night-time. "

"And is it as bad as that?" I cried, surprised. 

"For strangers, yes, " said he. "For they be for ever wandering, andwill not keep to the three or four streets which be as safe as theKing's palace. But if you wish, sir, I will provide one man with alantern and staff to go before you, and another man with lantern andstaff to follow. Then, with two more stout lads and your own servants, I would venture--"

"No, no!" I cried, "I will not head an army on a night march when Iintended merely an evening stroll. But how, pray you, am I to beentertained otherwise than by going forth?"

The innkeeper smiled with something like pity. 

"Sir, every night there meets here such a company of gay gentlemen, wits and poets, as would dazzle the world did it but hear one half ofwhat they say over their pipes and their punch. I serve thedistinguished company myself, for I dare trust nobody's care in amatter so important to my house; and I assure you, sir, I have attimes been so doubled with mirth there was no life in me. Why, sir, Mr. Fullbil himself comes here at times!"

"Does he, indeed?" I cried, although I never had heard of theillustrious man. 

"Indeed and he does, sir, " answered the innkeeper, pleased at my quickappreciation of this matter. "And then there is goings on, I warrantme. Mr. Bobbs and the other gentlemen will be in spirits. "

"I never doubt you, " said I. "But is it possible for a privategentleman of no wit to gain admittance to this distinguished company?"

"Doth require a little managing, sir, " said he, full of meaning. 

"Pray you manage it then, " said I, "for I have nought to do in Londonfor at least two days, and I would be seeing these famous men withwhose names my country rings. "

Early in the evening the innkeeper came to me, much pleased. "Sir, thegentlemen bid me bring you their compliments, and I am to say theywould be happy to have a pleasure in the honour of your presence. Mr. Fullbil himself is in the chair to-night. You are very fortunate, sir. "

"I am, " said I. "Lead away, and let us hope to find the great Fullbilin high feather. "

CHAPTER XVIII

The innkeeper led me down to a large room the door of which he hadflung open with a flourish. "The furrin' gentleman, may it please you, sirs, " he announced, and then retired. 

The room was so full of smoke that at first I could see little, butsoon enough I made out a long table bordered with smoking and drinkinggentlemen. A hoarse voice, away at the head of the board, was growlingsome words which convulsed most of the gentlemen with laughter. Manycandles burned dimly in the haze. 

I stood for a moment, doubtful as to procedure, but a gentleman nearthe foot of the table suddenly arose and came toward me with greatfrankness and good nature. "Sir, " he whispered, so that he would notinterrupt the growls at the farther end of the room, "it would give mepleasure if you would accept a chair near me. "

I could see that this good gentleman was moved solely by a desire tobe kind to a stranger, and I, in another whisper, gave my thanks andassent to his plan. He placed me in a chair next his own. The voicewas still growling from the head of the table. 

Very quickly my eyes became accustomed to the smoke, especially afterI was handed a filled clay pipe by my new and excellent friend. Ibegan to study the room and the people in it. The room was panelledin new oak, and the chairs and table were all of new oak, well carved. It was the handsomest room I had ever been in. 

Afterward I looked toward the growl. I saw a little old man in a chairmuch too big for him, and in a wig much too big for him. His head wasbent forward until his sharp chin touched his breast, and out fromunder his darkling brows a pair of little eyes flashed angrily andarrogantly. All faces were turned toward him, and all ears were opento his growls. He was the king; it was Fullbil. 

His speech was all addressed to one man, and I looked at the latter. He was a young man with a face both Roman and feminine; with that typeof profile which is possessed by most of the popular actors in thereign of His Majesty of to-day. He had luxuriant hair, and, stung bythe taunts of Fullbil, he constantly brushed it nervously from hisbrow while his sensitive mouth quivered with held-in retorts. He wasBobbs, the great dramatist. 

And as Fullbil growled, it was a curiously mixed crowd which applaudedand laughed. There were handsome lordlings from the very top of Londoncheek by cheek with sober men who seemed to have some intellectualoccupation in life. The lordlings did the greater part of thesniggering. In the meantime everybody smoked hard and drank punchharder. During occasional short pauses in Fullbil's remarks, gentlemenpassed ecstatic comments one to another. --"Ah, this is indeed a mentalfeast!"--"Did ye ever hear him talk more wittily?"--"Not I, faith; hesurpasses even himself!"--"Is it not a blessing to sit at table withsuch a master of learning and wit?"--"Ah, these are the times to livein!"

I thought it was now opportune to say something of the same kind to myamiable friend, and so I did it. "The old corpse seems to be saying aprayer, " I remarked. "Why don't he sing it?"

My new friend looked at me, all agape, like a fish just over the sideof the boat. "'Tis Fullbil, the great literary master--" he began; butat this moment Fullbil, having recovered from a slight fit ofcoughing, resumed his growls, and my friend subsided again into aworshipping listener. 

For my part I could not follow completely the words of the greatliterary master, but I construed that he had pounced upon the drama ofthe time and was tearing its ears and eyes off. 

At that time I knew little of the drama, having never read or seen aplay in my life; but I was all for the drama on account of poor Bobbs, who kept chewing his lip and making nervous movements until Fullbilfinished, a thing which I thought was not likely to happen before anearly hour of the morning. But finish he did, and immediately Bobbs, much impassioned, brought his glass heavily down on the table in ademand for silence. I thought he would get little hearing, but, muchto my surprise, I heard again the ecstatic murmur: "Ah, now, we shallhear Bobbs reply to Fullbil!"--"Are we not fortunate?"--"Faith, thiswill be over half London to-morrow!"

Bobbs waited until this murmur had passed away. Then he began, nailingan impressive forefinger to the table:

"Sir, you have been contending at some length that the puzzlingsituations which form the basis of our dramas of the day could notpossibly occur in real life because five minutes of intelligentexplanation between the persons concerned would destroy the sillymystery before anything at all could happen. Your originality, sir, isfamous--need I say it?--and when I hear you champion this opinion inall its majesty of venerable age and general acceptance I feel stunnedby the colossal imbecile strength of the whole proposition. Why, sir, you may recall all the mysterious murders which occurred in Englandsince England had a name. The truth of them remains in unfathomableshadow. But, sir, any one of them could be cleared up in five minutes'intelligent explanation. Pontius Pilate could have been saved hisblunder by far, far, far less than five minutes of intelligentexplanation. But--mark ye!--but who has ever heard five minutes ofintelligent explanation? The complex interwoven mesh of lifeconstantly, eternally, prevents people from giving intelligentexplanations. You sit in the theatre, and you say to yourself: 'Well, I could mount the stage, and in a short talk to these people I couldanticipate a further continuation of the drama. ' Yes, you could; butyou are an outsider. You have no relations with these characters. Youarise like an angel. Nobody has been your enemy; nobody has been yourmistress. You arise and give the five minutes' intelligentexplanation; bah! There is not a situation in life which does not needfive minutes' intelligent explanation; but it does not get it. "

It could now be seen that the old man Fullbil was simply aflame with adestructive reply, and even Bobbs paused under the spell of thisanticipation of a gigantic answering. The literary master began verydeliberately. 

"My good friend Bobbs, " said he, "I see your nose gradually is turningred. "

The drama immediately pitched into oblivion. The room thundered with agreat shout of laughter that went to the ceiling. I could see Bobbsmaking angry shouts against an invulnerable bank of uncontrolledmerriment. And amid his victory old Fullbil sat with a vain smile onhis cracked lips. 

My excellent and adjacent friend turned to me in a burst ofenthusiasm. 

"And did you ever hear a thing so well turned? Ha, ha! 'My good friendBobbs, ' quoth he, 'I see your nose gradually is turning red. ' Ha, ha, ha! By my King, I have seldom heard a wittier answer. "

"Bedad!" said I, somewhat bewildered, but resolved to appreciate thenoted master of wit, "it stamped the drama down into the ground. Sure, never another play will be delivered in England after that tremendousoverthrow. "

"Aye, " he rejoined, still shuddering with mirth, "I fail to see howthe dramatists can survive it. It was like the wit of a newShakespeare. It subsided Bobbs to nothing. I would not be surprised atall if Bobbs now entirely quit the writing of plays, since Fullbil'swords so closely hit his condition in the dramatic world. A dangerousdog is this Fullbil. "

"It reminds me of a story my father used to tell--" I began. 

"Sir, " cried my new friend hastily, "I beg of you! May I, indeed, insist? Here we talk only of the very deepest matters. "

"Very good, sir, " I replied amiably. "I will appear better, no doubt, as a listener; but if my father was alive--"

"Sir, " beseeched my friend, "the great Fancher, the immortal critic, is about to speak. "

"Let him, " said I, still amiable. 

A portly gentleman of middle age now addressed Bobbs amid a generaland respectful silence. 

"Sir, " he remarked, "your words concerning the great age of what Ishall call the five-minutes-intelligent-explanation theory was firstdeveloped by the Chinese, and is contemporaneous, I believe, withtheir adoption of the custom of roasting their meat instead of eatingit raw. "

"Sir, I am interested and instructed, " rejoined Bobbs. 

Here old Fullbil let go two or three growls of scornful disapproval. 

"Fancher, " said he, "my delight in your company is sometimes dimmed bymy appreciation of your facilities for being entirely wrong. The greattheory of which you speak so confidently, sir, was born no earlierthan seven o'clock on the morning of this day. I was in my bed, sir;the maid had come in with my tea and toast. 'Stop, ' said I, sternly. She stopped. And in those few moments of undisturbed reflection, sir, the thought came to life, the thought which you so falsely attributeto the Chinese, a savage tribe whose sole distinction is its abilityto fly kites. "

After the murmurs of glee had died away, Fancher answered with spirit:

"Sir, that you are subject to periods of reflection I will not deny, Icannot deny. Nor can I say honourably that I give my support to ourdramatic friend's defence of his idea. But, sir, when you refer to theChinese in terms which I cannot but regard as insulting, I amprepared, sir, to--"

There were loud cries of "Order! Order! Order!" The wrathful Fancherwas pulled down into his chair by soothful friends and neighbours, towhom he gesticulated and cried out during the uproar. 

I looked toward old Fullbil, expecting to see him disturbed, orannoyed, or angry. On the contrary he seemed pleased, as a little boywho had somehow created a row. 

"The excellent Fancher, " said he, "the excellent Fancher is wroth. Letus proceed, gentlemen, to more friendly topics. You, now, DoctorChord, with what new thing in chemics are you ready to astound us?"

The speech was addressed to a little man near me, who instantlyblushed crimson, mopping his brow in much agitation, and looked at thetable, unable for the moment to raise his eyes or speak a word. 

"One of the greatest scientists of the time, " said my friend in myear. 

"Sir, " faltered the little man in his bashfulness, "that part of thediscourse which related to the flying of kites has interested megreatly, and I am ready to contend that kites fly, not, as many say, through the influence of a demon or spirit which inhabits thematerials, but through the pressure of the wind itself. "

Fancher, now himself again, said:

"I wish to ask the learned doctor whether he refers to Chinese kites?"

The little man hurriedly replied that he had not Chinese kites in hismind at all. 

"Very good, then, " said the great critic. "Very good. "

"But, sir, " said Fullbil to little Chord, "how is it that kites mayfly without the aid of demons or spirits, if they are made by man? Forit is known, sir, that man may not move in the air without the aid ofsome devilish agency, and it is also known that he may not send aloftthings formed of the gross materials of the earth. How, then, canthese kites fly virtuously?"

There was a general murmur of approbation of Fullbil's speech, and thelittle doctor cast down his eyes and blushed again, speechless. 

It was a triumph for Fullbil, and he received the congratulations ofhis friends with his faint vain smile implying that it was reallynothing, you know, and that he could have done it much better if hehad thought that anybody was likely to heed it. 

The little Doctor Chord was so downtrodden that for the remainder ofthe evening he hardly dared to raise his eyes from the table, but Iwas glad to see him apply himself industriously to the punch. 

To my great alarm Fullbil now said: "Sirs, I fear we have sufferedourselves to forget we have with us to-night a strange gentleman fromforeign parts. Your good fortune, sir, " he added, bowing to me overhis glass. I bowed likewise, but I saw his little piggish eyes lookingwickedly at me. There went a titter around the board, and I understoodfrom it that I was the next victim of the celebrated Fullbil. 

"Sir, " said he, "may I ask from what part of Italy do you come?"

"I come from Ireland, sir, " I answered decently. 

He frowned. "Ireland is not in Italy, sir, " said he. "Are you so goodas to trifle with me, sir?"

"I am not, sir, " said I. 

All the gentlemen murmured; some looked at me with pity, some withcontempt. I began to be frightened until I remembered that if I oncedrew my sword I could chase the whole roomful of philosophy into thenext parish. I resolved to put on a bold front. 

"Probably, sir, " observed Fullbil, "the people of Ireland have heardso much of me that I may expect many visits from Irish gentlemen whowish to hear what my poor mind may develop in regard to the only truephilosophy of life?"

"Not in the least, sir, " I rejoined. "Over there they don't know youare alive, and they are not caring. "

Consternation fell upon that assembly like snow from a roof. Thegentlemen stared at me. Old Fullbil turned purple at first, but hisgrandeur could not be made to suffer long or seriously from myimpudence. Presently he smiled at me, --a smile confident, cruel, deadly. 

"Ireland is a great country, sir, " he observed. 

"'Tis not so great as many people's ignorance of it, " I repliedbluntly, for I was being stirred somewhat. 

"Indeed!" cried Fullbil. Then he triumphantly added: "Then, sir, weare proud to have among us one so manifestly capable of giving usinstruction. "

There was a loud shout of laughter at this sally, and I was veryuncomfortable down to my toes; but I resolved to hold a brave face, and pretended that I was not minding their sneers. However, it wasplain enough that old Fullbil had made me the butt of the evening. 

"Sir, " said the dramatist Bobbs, looking at me, "I understand that inIreland pigs sit at table with even the best families. "

"Sir, " said the critic, Fancher, looking at me, "I understand that inIreland the chastity of the women is so great that no child is bornwithout a birthmark in the shape of the initials of the legal husbandand father. "

"Sir, " said old Fullbil, "I understand that in Ireland people go nakedwhen it rains, for fear of wetting their clothes. "

Amid the uproarious merriment provoked by their speeches I sat insilence. Suddenly the embarrassed little scientist, Doctor Chord, looked up at me with a fine friendly sympathy. "A glass with you, sir, " he said, and as we nodded our heads solemnly over the rims Ifelt that there had come to my help one poor little frightened friend. As for my first acquaintance, he, seeing me attacked not only by theredoubtable Fullbil, but also by the formidable Bobbs and thedangerous Fancher, had immediately begun to pretend that never in hislife had he spoken to me. 

Having a great knowledge of Irish character I could see that troublewas brewing for somebody, but I resolved to be very backward, for Ihesitated to create a genuine disturbance in these philosophicalcircles. However, I was saved this annoyance in a strange manner. Thedoor opened, and a newcomer came in, bowing right and left to hisacquaintances, and finally taking a seat near Fullbil. I recognizedhim instantly; he was Sir Edmund Flixton, the gentleman who had hadsome thought of fighting me in Bath, but who had refrained from itupon hearing that I had worsted Forister. 

However, he did not perceive me at that time. He chattered withFullbil, telling him evidently some very exciting news, for I heardthe old man ejaculate. "By my soul, can it be possible?" Later Fullbilrelated some amusing things to Flixton, and, upon an inquiry fromFlixton, I was pointed out to him. I saw Flixton's face change; hespoke hastily to old Fullbil, who turned pale as death. Swiftly somebit of information flashed around the board, and I saw men's eyes openwide and white as they looked at me. 

I have said it was the age of bullies. It was the age when men ofphysical prowess walked down the street shouldering lesser men intothe gutter, and the lesser men had never a word to say for themselves. It was the age when if you expressed opinions contrary to those of abully he was confidently expected to kill you or somehow maltreat you. 

Of all that company of genius there now seemed to be only onegentleman who was not a-tremble. It was the little scientist DoctorChord. He looked at me with a bright and twinkling eye; suddenly hegrinned broadly. I could not but burst into laughter when I noted theappetite with which he enjoyed the confusion and alarm of his friends. 

"Come, Fullbil! Come, Bobbs! Come, Fancher! Where are all your prettywits?" he cried; for this timid little man's impudence increasedmightily amid all this helpless distress. "Here's the dignity andpower of learning of you, in God's truth. Here's knowledge enthroned, fearless, great! Have ye all lost your tongues?"

And he was for going on to worry them, but that I called out to him, --

"Sir, " said I mildly, "if it please you, I would not have thegentlemen disturbed over any little misunderstanding of a pleasantevening. As regards quarrelling, I am all milk and water myself. Itreminds me of an occasion in Ireland once when--" Here I recounted astory which Father Donovan always began on after more than threebottles, and to my knowledge he had never succeeded in finishing it. But this time I finished it. "And, " said I, "the fellow was sittingthere drinking with them, and they had had good fun with him, when ofa sudden he up and spoke. Says he: ''Tis God's truth I never expectedin all my life to be an evening in the company of such a lot of scurvyrat-eaters, ' he says to them. 'And, ' says he, 'I have only one wordfor that squawking old masquerading peacock that sits at the head ofthe table, ' says he. 'What little he has of learning I could put in myeye without going blind, ' says he. 'The old curmudgeon!' says he. Andwith that he arose and left the room, afterward becoming the King ofGalway and living to a great age. "

This amusing tale created a sickly burst of applause, in the midst ofwhich I bowed myself from the room. 

CHAPTER XIX

On my way to my chamber I met the innkeeper and casually asked himafter Paddy and Jem. He said that he would send to have word of themand inform me as soon as possible. Later a drawer came to my door andtold me that Paddy and Jem, with three men-servants of gentlemensleeping at the inn, had sallied out to a mug-house. 

"Mug-house?" said I. "What in the devil's name is a mug-house?"

"Mug-house, sir?" said the man, staring. "Mug-house? Why, sir, 'tis--'tis a form of amusement, sir. "

"It is, is it?" said I. "Very good. And does any one here know to whatmug-house they went?"

"The 'Red Slipper, ' I think, sir, " said the man. 

"And how do I get to it?" said I. 

"Oh, sir, " he cried, "'tis impossible!"

"Is it?" said I. "And why is it? The innkeeper said the same to me, and I would like to hear all the reasons. "

"Sir, " said the man, "when it becometh dark in London there walkabroad many men of evil minds who are no respecters of persons, butfall upon whomsoever they, may, beating them sorely, having no regardfor that part of the Holy Book in which it is written--"

"Let go, " said I. "I see what you mean. " I then bade him get for me astout lad with a cudgel and a lantern and a knowledge of thewhereabouts of the "Red Slipper. "

I, with the stout lad, had not been long in the street before Iunderstood what the landlord and the waiter had meant. In fact we werescarce out of the door before the man was menacing with his cudgel twohuman vultures who slunk upon us out of the shadow. I saw their pale, wicked, snarling faces in the glow of the lantern. 

A little later a great shindy broke out in the darkness, and I heardvoices calling loudly for a rally in the name of some guild orsociety. I moved closer, but I could make out little save that it wasa very pretty fight in which a company of good citizens were trying toput to flight a band of roughs and law-breakers. There was a merryrattling of sticks. Soon enough, answering shouts could be heard fromsome of the houses, and with a great slamming of doors men rushed outto do battle for the peace of the great city. Meanwhile all the highwindows had been filled with night-capped heads, and some of thesepeople even went so far as to pour water down upon the combatants. They also sent down cat-calls and phrases of witty advice. The sticksclattered together furiously; once a man with a bloody face staggeredpast us; he seemed to have been whacked directly on the ear by someuneducated person. It was as fine a shindy as one could hope towitness, and I was deeply interested. 

Then suddenly a man called out hoarsely that he had beenstabbed--murdered. There were yells from the street and screams fromthe windows. My lantern-bearer plucked me madly by the sleeve. Iunderstood him, and we hastily left the neighbourhood. 

I may tell now what had happened and what followed this affair of thenight. A worthy citizen had been stabbed to death indeed. Afterfurther skirmishes his comrade citizens had taken several wretchesinto custody. They were tried for the murder and all acquitted saveone. Of this latter it was proven that the brawl had started throughhis attempt to gain the purse of a passing citizen, and forthwith hewas sentenced to be hanged for murder. His companion rascals were sentto prison for long terms on the expectation that one of them reallymight have been the murderer. 

We passed into another street, where each well-lighted window framedone or more painted hussies who called out in jocular obscenity, butwhen we marched stiffly on without replying their manner changed, andthey delivered at us volley after volley of language incredibly foul. There were only two of these creatures who paid no heed, and theirindifference to us was due to the fact that they were deeply engagedin a duel of words, exchanging the most frightful, blood-curdlingepithets. Confident drunken men jostled us from time to time, andfrequently I could see small, ashy-faced, ancient-eyed youths dodginghere and there with food and wine. My lantern-bearer told me that thestreet was not quite awake; it was waiting for the outpourings fromthe taverns and mug-houses. I bade him hurry me to the "Red Slipper"as soon as possible, for never have I had any stomach for these tawdryevils, fit as they are only for clerks and sailors. 

We came at length to the creaking sign of the "Red Slipper. " A greatnoise came from the place. A large company was roaring out a chorus. Without many words I was introduced into the room in which thedisturbance was proceeding. It was blue with smoke, and the thunderingchorus was still unfinished. I sank unnoticed into a quiet corner. 

I was astonished at the appearance of the company. There were many menwho looked like venerable prelates, and many men who looked like theheads of old and noble houses. I laughed in my sleeve when Iremembered I had thought to find Paddy and Jem here. And at the sametime I saw them up near the head of the table, if it please you. Paddyhad his hand on the shoulder of a bishop, and Jem was telling sometale into the sympathetic ear of a marquis. At least this is the waymatters appeared to my stupefied sense. 

The singing ceased, and a distinguished peer at my elbow resumed atalk which evidently had been broken by the chorus:

"And so the Duke spoke with somewhat more than his accustomed vigour, "said the distinguished peer. 

My worst suspicions were confirmed. Here was a man talking of what hadbeen said by a duke. I cast my eye toward my happy pair of rogues andwondered how I could ever extricate them from their position. 

Suddenly there was a loud pounding upon the table, and in the ensuingquiet the grave and dignified voice of the chairman could be heard:

"Gentlemen, " he said, "we crave your attention to a song by Mr. JohnSnowden. "

Whereupon my very own Jem Bottles arose amid a burst of applause, andbegan to sing a ballad which had been written in Bristol or Bath incelebration of the notorious scoundrel Jem Bottles. 

Here I could see that if impudence could serve us we would not lacksuccess in England. The ballad was answered with wild cheers ofappreciation. It was the great thing of the evening. Jem wasstrenuously pressed to sing again, but he buried his face in his mugand modestly refused. However, they devoted themselves to his chorusand sang it over and over with immense delight. I had never imaginedthat the nobility were so free and easy. 

During the excitement over Jem's ballad I stole forward to Paddy. "Paddy, " I whispered, "come out of this now. 'Tis no place for youhere among all these reverend fathers and gentlemen of title. Shame onyou!"

He saw my idea in a flash. 

"Whist, sir, " he answered. "There are being no reverend fathers orgentlemen of title here. They are all after being footmen and valets. "

I was extremely vexed with myself. I had been in London only a briefspace; and Paddy had been in the city no longer. However, he hadalready managed his instruction so well that he could at once tell amember of the gentry from a servant. I admired Paddy's cleverness, butat the same time I felt a certain resentment against the prelates andnobles who had so imposed upon me. 

But, to be truthful, I have never seen a finer display of manners. These menials could have put courtiers to the blush. And from time totime somebody spoke out loud and clear an opinion pilfered verbatimfrom his master. They seldom spoke their own thoughts in their ownway; they sent forth as their own whatever they could remember fromthe talk of their masters and other gentlemen. There was one man whoseemed to be the servant of some noted scholar, and when he spoke theothers were dumfounded into quiet. 

"The loriot, " said he with a learned frown, "is a bird. If it islooked upon by one who has the yellow jaundice, the bird straightwaydies, but the sick person becomes well instantly. 'Tis said thatlovage is used, but I would be luctuous to hear of anybody using thislothir weed, for 'tis no pentepharmacon, but a mere simple and notworth a caspatory. "

This utterance fairly made their eyes bulge, and they sat in stunnedsilence. But I must say that there was one man who did not fear. 

"Sir, " said Paddy respectfully, but still with his own dignity, "Iwould be hearing more of this bird, and we all would be feelinghonoured for a short description. "

"In color he is ningid, " said the learned valet. 

"Bedad!" cried Paddy. "That's strange!"

"'Tis a question full of tenebrosity, " remarked the other leaning backin his chair. "We poor scholars grow madarosis reflecting upon it. However, I may tell you that the bird is simous; yblent in thesunlight, but withal strenuous-eyed; its blood inclined tointumescence. However, I must be breviloquent, for I require anenneadecaterides to enumerate the true qualities of the loriot. "

"By gor!" said Paddy, "I'll know that bird if I see him ten years fromnow. Thank you kindly, sir. But we would be late for breakfast if youtook the required time; and that's true for me. "

Afterward I reflected that I had attended the meetings of twoscholarly bodies in this one evening, but for the life of me Icouldn't decide which knew the least. 

CHAPTER XX

By the following Sunday I judged that the Earl of Westport and hisfamily had returned to London, and so I walked abroad in the hopes ofcatching a glimpse of some of them among the brilliant gentry who onthis day thronged the public gardens. I had both Jem Bottles and Paddyaccompany me, for I feared that they would get into mischief if I leftthem to themselves. The innkeeper had told me that Kensington Gardenswas the place where the grand people mostly chose to walk and flirtand show their clothes on a clear Sunday. It was a long way to theseGardens, but we footed out bravely, although we stopped once to see afight between five drunken apprentices, as well as several times formuch-needed refreshment. 

I had no idea that the scene at the Gardens would be so splendid. Outside, the road was a block of gleaming chariots and coaches withservants ablaze in their liveries. Here I left Paddy and Jem to amusethemselves as suited them. 

But the array of carriages had been only a forecast of what my eyeswould encounter in the Garden itself. I was involved at once in aswarm of fashionable people. My eyes were dazzled with myriad colours, and my nostrils, trained as they were to peat smoke, were saluted by ahundred delicious perfumes. Priceless silks and satins swept againstmy modest stockings. 

I suffered from my usual inclination to run away, but I put it downwith an iron will. I soon found a more retired spot from which I couldreview the assemblage at something like my leisure. All the highlyfashionable flock knew each other intimately, it appeared, and theykept off with figurative pikes attempts of a certain class not quiteso high and mighty, who seemed for ever trying to edge into situationswhich would benefit them on the social ladder. Their failures weredismal, but not so dismal as the heroic smiles with which they coveredtheir little noiseless defeats. 

I saw a lady, sumptuously arrayed, sweep slowly along with herdaughter, a beautiful girl who greatly wished to keep her eyes fixedon the ground. The mother glanced everywhere with half-concealedeagerness and anxiety. Once she bowed impressively to a dame with acold, pale aristocratic face, around whom were gathered severalofficers in the uniform of His Majesty's Guards. The grand dame liftedher lorgnette and stared coolly at that impressive bow; then sheturned and said something amusing to one of the officers, whosmilingly answered. The mother, with her beautiful daughter, passedon, both pairs of eyes now on the ground. 

I had thought the rebuff would settle this poor misguided creature, but in the course of an hour I saw three more of her impressive bowsthrown away against the icy faces of other women. But as they wereleaving the Gardens they received attention from members of the verybest society. One lordling nudged another lordling, and they staredinto the face of the girl as if she had been a creature of the street. Then they leisurely looked her up and down from head to toe. Notailor could have taken her measurements so completely. Afterward theygrinned at each other, and one spoke behind his hand, his insolentspeculative eyes fixed on the retiring form of the girl. This was thesocial reward of the ambitious mother. 

It has always been clear to me why the women turn out in such cohortsto any sort of a function. They wish to see the frocks, and they areinsistent that their own frocks shall be seen. Moreover they takegreat enjoyment in hating such of their enemies as may come undertheir notice. They never have a really good time; but of this factthey are not aware, since women are so constituted that they are ableto misinterpret almost every one of their emotions. 

The men, knowing something of their own minds at times, stealthilyavoid such things unless there are very special reasons. In my ownmodest experience I have seen many a popular hostess hunting men witha net. However it was plain why so many men came to Kensington Gardenson a Sunday afternoon. It was the display of feminine beauty. And whenI say "display" I mean it. In my old age the fashion balloons a ladywith such a sweep of wires and trellises that no Irishman could marryher because there is never a door in all Ireland through which hiswife could pass. In my youth, however, the fashion required alldresses to be cut very low, and all skirts to cling so that if afour-legged woman entered a drawing-room everybody would know it. Itwould be so easy to count them. At present a woman could have eightlegs and nobody be the wiser. 

It was small wonder that the men came to ogle at Kensington Gardenson a fine Sunday afternoon. Upon my word, it was worth any younggentleman's time. Nor did the beauties blush under the gaze of banksof fastidious beaus who surveyed them like men about to bid at ahorse-fair. I thought of my father and how he would have enjoyed thescene. I wager he would have been a gallant with the best of them, bowing and scraping, and dodging ladies' skirts. He would have been inhis very element. 

But as for me I had come to gain a possible glimpse of Lady Mary. Beyond that I had no warm interest in Kensington Gardens. The crowdwas too high and fine; many of the people were altogether too wellbred. They frightened me. 

However, I turned my head by chance to the left, and saw near me asmall plain man who did not frighten me at all. It was Doctor Chord, the little scientist. He was alone and seemed to be occupied instudying the crowd. I moved over to him. 

"A good day to you, sir, " I said, extending my hand. 

When he recognized me, his face broke into a beaming smile. 

"Why, sir, " he cried, "I am very glad to see you, sir. Perchance, likeme, you have come here for an hour's quiet musing on fashionablefolly. "

"That's it, sir, " said I. "You've hit it exactly. "

I have said that he was a bashful man, but it seemed that his timiditywas likely to show itself only in the presence of other greatphilosophers and scientists. At any rate, he now rattled on like alittle engine, surveying the people keenly and discoursing upon theirfaults. 

"There's the old Marquis of Stubblington, " observed my friend. "Hebeats his wife with an ebony stick. 'Tis said she always carries alittle bottle of liniment in the pocket of her skirt. Poor thing, heronly pleasure in life is to talk scandal; but this she does on such aheroic scale that it occupies her time completely. There is young LordGram walking again with that soap-boiler and candle-maker. 'Tisdisgraceful! The poor devil lends Gram money, and Gram repays him byallowing him to be seen in his company. Gram gambles away the money, but I don't know what the soap-boiler does with his distinguishedhonours. However, you can see that the poor wretch is delighted withhis bargain. There are the three Banellic girls, the mostill-tempered, ugly cats in England. But each will have a largemarriage portion, so they have no fears, I warrant me. I wonder theelder has the effrontery to show her face here so soon if it is truethat the waiting-woman died of her injuries. Little Wax is talking tothem. He needs one of those marriage portions. Aye, he needs allthree, what with his very boot-maker almost inclined to be insolent tohim. I see that foreign count is talking to the Honourable Mrs. Trasky. He is no more nor less than a gambler by trade, and they sayhe came here from Paris because he was caught cheating there, and waskicked and caned with such intense publicity that he was forced toleave in the dead of night. However, he found many young birds hereeager to be plucked and devoured. 'Tis little they care, so long asthey may play till dawn. Did you hear about Lady Prefent? She wentafter her son to the Count's rooms at night. In her younger days shelived rather a gay life herself, 'tis rumoured, and so she was not tobe taken by her son's lies as to where he spent his evenings and hismoney. Ha, I see the Countess Cheer. There is a citadel of virtue! Ithas been stormed and taken so many times that I wonder it is not inruins, and yet here it is defiant, with banners flying. Wonderful. She--"

"Hold!" I cried. "I have enough. I would have leave to try and collectmy wits. But one thing I would know at once. I thought you were a shyscholar, and here you clatter away with the tongue of an old rake. Youamaze me. Tell me why you do this? Why do you use your brain toexamine this muck?"

"'Tis my recreation, " he answered simply. "In my boyhood I was allowedno games, and in the greater part of my manhood I have been too busy. Of late years I have more leisure, and I often have sought here alittle innocent amusement, something to take one's mind off one's ownaffairs, and yet not of such an arduous nature as would make one'shead tired. "

"By my faith, it would make my head tired, " I said. "What withremembering the names of the people and all the different crimes, Ishould go raving mad. " But what still amazed me was the fact that thislittle man, habitually meek, frightened and easily trodden down inmost ordinary matters, should be able to turn himself upon occasioninto a fierce and howling wolf of scandal, baying his betters, waitingfor the time when an exhausted one fell in the snow, and then buryinghis remorseless teeth in him. What a quaint little Doctor Chord. 

"But tell me truly, " said I. "Is there no virtuous lady or honestgentleman in all this great crowd?"

He stared, his jaw dropping. "Strap me, the place is full of them, " heejaculated. "They are as thick as flies in a fish-market. "

"Well, then, " said I, "let us talk of them. 'Tis well to furbish andburnish our minds with tales of rectitude and honour. "

But the little Doctor was no longer happy. "There is nought to say, "he answered gloomily. "They are as quiet as Bibles. They make norecreation for me. I have scant interest in them. "

"Oh, you little rogue, you!" I cried. "What a precious little bunch ofevil it is! 'They make no recreation for me, ' quoth he. Here's agreat, bold, outspoken monster. But, mark you, sir, I am a youngerman, but I too have a bold tongue in my head, and I am saying that Ihave friends among ladies in London, and if I catch you so much aswhispering their names in your sleep, I'll cut off your ears and eatthem. I speak few words, as you may have noted, but I keep myengagements, you little brew of trouble, you!"

"Strap me, " whimpered the little Doctor, plucking feverishly at thebuttons of his coat, rolling his eyes wildly, not knowing at all whathe did. "The man's mad! The man's mad!"

"No, " said I, "my blood is cold, very cold. "

The little Doctor looked at me with the light of a desperateinspiration in his eye. "If your blood is cold, sir, " said he, "I canrecommend a gill of port wine. "

I needs must laugh. "Good, " I cried, "and you will join me. "

CHAPTER XXI

I don't know if it was the gill of comforting port, but at any rate Iwas soon enough convinced that there was no reason for speakingharshly to Doctor Chord. It served no purpose; it accomplishednothing. The little old villain was really as innocent as a lamb. Hehad no dream of wronging people. His prattle was the prattle of anunsophisticated maiden lady. He did not know what he was talking. These direful intelligences ran as easily off his tongue as water runsoff the falling wheel. When I had indirectly informed him that he wasmore or less of a dangerous scandal-monger, he had cried: "The man ismad!" Yes; he was an innocent old thing. 

But then it is the innocent old scandal-mongers, poor placid-mindedwell-protected hens, who are often the most harmful. The viciousgabblers defeat themselves very often. I remember my father once goingto a fair and kissing some girls there. He kissed them all turn byturn, as was his right and his duty, and then he returned to a girlnear the head of the list and kissed her five times more because shewas the prettiest girl in all Ireland, and there is no shame to himthere. However, there was a great hullabaloo. The girls who had beenkissed only once led a regular crusade against the character of thisother girl, and before long she had a bad name, and the odious slylads with no hair on their throats winked as she passed them, andnumerous mothers thanked God that their daughters were not fancied bythe lord of that region. In time these tales came to the ears of myfather, and he called some of his head men to meet him in thedining-room. 

"I'll have no trifling, " said he. "The girl is a good girl for all Iknow, and I have never seen her before or since. If I can trace a badword to any man's mouth, I'll flog him till he can't move. 'Tis ashame taking away the girl's name for a few kisses by the squire at afair with everybody looking on and laughing. What do you blackguardsmean?"

Every man in the dining-room took oath he had never said a word, andthey all spoke truth. But the women clamoured on without pausing forwind, and refused to take word of the men-folk, who were gifted withthe power of reason. However, the vicious people defeated themselvesin time. People began to say to a lass who had been kissed only once:"Ah, now, you would be angry because you were not getting the otherfive. " Everything seemed to grow quiet, and my father thought no moreabout it, having thought very little about it in the first place saveenough to speak a few sharp words. But, would you believe it, therewas an old woman living in a hovel not a mile from the castle, whokept up the scandal for twelve more months. She had never beenmarried, and, as far as any one knew, she had never wished to be. Shehad never moved beyond Father Donovan's church in one direction and alittle peat-heap in the other direction. All her days she had seennothing but the wind-swept moors, and heard nothing but the sealashing the black rocks. I am mistaken; once she came to the castle, hearing that my mother was ill. She had a remedy with her, poor soul, and they poured it in the ashes when her back was turned. My motherbade them give her some hot porridge and an old cloth gown of her ownto take home. I remember the time distinctly. Well, this poor thingcouldn't tell between a real sin and an alligator. Bony, withered, aged, this crone might have been one of the highest types of humanperfection. She wronged nobody; she had no power to wrong. Nobodywronged her; it was never worth it. She really was at peace with allthe world. This obeys the most exalted injunctions. Every precept iskept here. But this tale of the Squire and the girl took root in herhead. She must have been dazzled by the immensity of the event. Itprobably appealed to her as would a grand picture of the burning ofRome or a vivid statue of Lot's wife turning to look back. It reachedthe dimensions of great history. And so this old woman, who had alwayslived the life of a nun, dreamed of nothing but the colossal wrongwhich had come within her stunted range of vision. Before and afterchurch she talked of no other thing for almost eighteen months. Finally my father in despair rode down to her little cottage. 

"Mollie, " said he, calling from the road, "Mollie, come out. " She cameout. 

"Mollie, " said my father, "you know me?"

"Ay, " said she, "you are The O'Ruddy, and you are a rogue. "

"True for you, Mollie, " said my father pleasantly. "You know it and Iknow it. I am indeed a grand rogue. But why would you be tearing totatters the name of that poor girl in Ballygoway?"

"'Tis not me that has said more than three words, " she cried, astonished, "and before I speak ill of anybody I hope the devil fliesaway with me. "

Well, my father palavered on for a long time, telling her that hewould take away the pension of twenty-five shillings a year which hehad given her because he by accident had shot her second cousin in theleg twelve years before that time. She steadfastly answered that shewould never speak ill of anybody; but the girl was a brazen-facedwench, and he was no better. My father came away, and I have no doubtthe scandal would still be alive if the old woman had not died, maythe saints rest her!

And so I was no longer angry with Doctor Chord, but spoke to himpleasantly. 

"Come, " said I, "I would have you point me out the great swordsmen, ifit pleases you. I am eager to see them, and the talk will be cleanly, also. "

"Aye, " said my friend. "Nothing could give me more pleasure. And now, look you! The tall, straight, grave young man there is Ponsonby, whoflashes the wisest blade in England unless Reginald Forister isbetter. Any how, Forister is not here to-day. At least I don't seehim. Ponsonby fought his last duel with a gentleman named Vellumbecause Vellum said flatly that Mrs. Catherine Wainescorte was a--"

"Stop there, " said I, "and get to the tale of the fighting. "

"Well, Ponsonby won without difficulty, " said the Doctor; "but it issaid that he took an unfair advantage--"

"Stop again!" I cried. "Stop again! We will talk no more of swordsmen. Somehow I have lost my interest. I am put to it to think of a subjectfor talk, and we may have to do with a period of silence, but thatwill do your jaw no injury at any rate. "

But I was mistaken in thinking that the little man could forego hisrecreation for more than a moment. Suddenly he burst out with a greatspleen:

"Titles!" he cried. "Empty titles! husks, husks, husks! 'Tis all theycare for, this mob! Honourable manhood goes a-begging while the worldworships at the feet of pimply lords! Pah! Lovely girls, the making offine wives and mothers, grow old while the world worships at the feetof some old horse-headed duchess! Pah! Look at those pick-thanks andflatterers, cringing at the boots of the people of fashion. Upon mylife, before I would so demean myself, I--" he ceased suddenly, hiseye having caught sight of some people in the crowd. "Ah, " said he, while a singularly vain and fatuous smile settled upon hiscountenance. "Ah, the Countess of Westport and her charming daughter, the Lady Mary, have arrived. I must go and speak to them. " My eye hadfollowed his glance quickly enough you may be sure. There, trueenough, was the formidable figure of the old Countess, and at her sidewas the beautiful Lady Mary. 

With an absent-minded murmur of apology, Doctor Chord went mincingtoward them, his face still spread with its idiotic smile. 

He cantered up to them with the grace of a hobbled cow. I expected himto get a rebuff that would stun him into the need of a surgeon, but tomy surprise the Countess received him affably, bending her head to saysome gracious words. However, I had more eyes for Lady Mary than forthe capers of little Chord. 

It was a great joy to be able to look at her. I suffered from adelicious trembling, and frequently my vision became dim purely fromthe excitement. But later I was moved by another profound emotion. Iwas looking at her; I must have her look at me. I must learn if hereye would light, if her expression would change, when she saw me. Allthis sounds very boyish, but it is not necessary to leave it out forthat reason, because, as my father often said, every Irishman is a boyuntil he has grandchildren. I do not know if he was perfectly right inthis matter, but it is a certain advantage in a love affair to havethe true boyish ardour which is able to enshrine a woman in one'sheart to the exclusion of everything, believing her to be perfectionand believing life without her a hell of suffering and woe. No man ofmiddle-aged experience can ever be in love. He may have his illusions. He may think he is in love. A woman may gain the power to bind himhand and foot and drag him wherever she listeth, but he is not inlove. That is his mistaken idea. He is only misinterpreting hisfeelings. But, as my father said, it is very different with Irishmen, who are able to remain in love to a very great age. If you will note, too, climatic conditions and other unpleasant matters have practicallyno effect upon them; so little, indeed, that you may find streetsnamed after the main Italian cities, and many little German childrenspeak with a slight brogue. My father often said that one great reasonfor an Irishman's successes with the ladies was his perfectwillingness to get married. He was seldom to be seen scouting foradvantages in intrigue. If the girl be willing, be she brown, yellow, or white, he was always for the priest and the solemn words. My fatheralso contended that in every marriage contracted on the face of theearth in which neither maid nor man could understand the other'snational speech, the bridegroom was an Irishman. He was the only manwho was able to make delightful love with the aid of mere signals. 

However I must be going on with my story, although it is a greatpleasure to talk of my country-men. They possess a singularfascination for me. I cannot forget that I too am an Irishman. 

The little Doctor was still saying agreeable things; Lady Mary wassmiling in gentle amusement. As I moved out to catch Lady Mary's eye, I did not at all lose sight of the fact that if the pugnacious motherof my _innamorata_ took one glimpse of me there might result a scenewhich could end in nothing but my ignominious flight. I edged towardthe group, advancing on the Countess's port quarter as she was talkinganimately over her starboard bow at the entranced little Doctor. Attimes Lady Mary looked about her, still smiling her smile, which nodoubt was born of the ridiculous performances of Chord. Once I thoughtshe looked squarely at me, and my heart beat like a drum so loudlythat I thought people must hear. But her glance wandered on casuallyover the throng, and then I felt truly insignificant, like a man whocould hide behind the nail of his own thumb. 

Perceiving that I was so insignificant, I judged it prudent as well asadvantageous to advance much closer. Suddenly Lady Mary's clearvirgin eye met mine, --met it fully. 

Now, I don't know what was in this glance we exchanged. I have stoppedmyself just on the verge of a full explanation of the thrills, quivers, hopes, fears, and dreams which assailed me as I looked backinto the beautiful face of Lady Mary. I was also going to explain howthe whole scene appeared. But I can see soon enough that my languagewould not be appropriate to the occasion. But any how we looked eachother point-blank in the eye. It was a moment in which that verycircling of the earth halted, and all the suns of the universe poised, ready to tumble or to rise. Then Lady Mary lowered her glance, and apink blush suffused her neck and cheek. 

The Countess, Lady Mary, and Doctor Chord moved slowly on through thethrong, and I followed. The great question now was whether Lady Marywould look back. If she looked back, I would feel that I was makinggrand way with her. If she did not look back, I would know myself as alost man. One can imagine how eagerly I watched her. For a long timeit was plain that she had no intention whatever of looking back. Ilugubriously arranged my complete downfall. Then, at the very momentof my despair, she gazed studiously off to her extreme left for acertain time, and then suddenly cast one short glance behind her. Onlyheaven knows what value I placed upon this brief look. It appeared forthe moment to me that I had won her, won everything. I bravely forgedahead until I was quite insistently under the eye of Lady Mary, andthen she again looked toward me, but it was a look so repelling andfrigid that it went through me as if I had been a paper ring in thecircus. I slunk away through the crowd, my thoughts busy with tryingto find out what had happened to me. 

For three minutes I was a miserable human being. At the end of thattime I took heart again. I decided that Lady Mary had frowned at mebecause she was afraid that she had been too good to me with her lookand smile. You know what I mean. I have seen a young girl give a youngman a flower, and at the very next moment be seemingly willing to giveher heart's blood to get that flower back, overcome with panic terrorthat she had passed--in his opinion, mind you--beyond the lines ofbest behaviour. Well I said to myself that Lady Mary had given me thehard look for similar reasons. It was rational to make this judgment, for certainly she had no cause for an active dislike. I had never beeneven so much as a nuisance to her. 

Fortified with these philosophic decisions, I again followed the trio, and I was just in time to find Chord handing them into a splendidchariot. I stood out boldly, for I knew if I could not get one morelook from Lady Mary I would die. 

Seated beside her mother, her eye wandered eagerly over the crowd. Iwas right, by the saints! She was looking for me. 

And now here come the stupid laws of convention. Could I yell? Could Ieven throw my hat in the air to guide her eye aright? No! I was doomedto stand there as still as a bottle on a shelf. 

But she saw me! It was at the very last moment. There was no time forcoquetry. She allowed her glance to linger, and God knows what wesaid to each other in this subtle communication through all the noiseand hubbub of the entrance place. Then suddenly the coachman's reinstightened; there were some last bows; the chariot whirled away. 

CHAPTER XXII

Chord ambled back, very proud indeed, and still wearing his fatuoussmile. He was bursting with a sense of social value, and to everybodyhe seemed to be saying, "Did you see me?" He was overjoyed to find mewaiting for him. He needed a good listener at once. Otherwise he wouldsurely fly to pieces. 

"I have been talking to the Countess of Westport and her daughter, Lady Mary Strepp, " he said pompously. "The Countess tells that theEarl has been extremely indisposed during their late journey in theWest. "

He spoke of the Earl's illness with an air of great concern, as if thenews had much upset him. He pretended that the day was quiteover-gloomed for him. Dear, dear! I doubted if he would be able to eatany supper. 

"Have a drop of something, old friend, " said I sympathetically. "Youcan't really go on this way. 'Twill ruin your nerves. I am surprisedthat the Countess did not break the news to you more gently. She wasvery inconsiderate, I am sure. "

"No, no, don't blame the poor lady, " cried Chord. "She herself wasquite distracted. The moment she saw me she ran to me--did you see herrun to me?"

"I did that, " said I with emphasis. 

"Aye, she ran to me, " said the little fool, "and says she, 'Oh, mydear Doctor, I must tell you at once the condition of the Earl. ' Andwhen I heard everything I was naturally cut up, as you remarked, beingan old friend of the family, ahem!--yes, an old friend of the family. "

He rattled on with his nonsensical lies, and in the mean time I madeup my mind to speak plainly to him, as I intended to make him of greatservice to me. 

"Stop a moment, " said I good-naturedly. "I will hear no more of thisrubbish from you, you impudent little impostor. You care no more forthe Earl of Westport's illness than you do for telling the truth, andI know how much you care for that. Listen to me, and I'll see if Ican't knock some sense into your little addled head. In the firstplace the Earl of Westport and my father were old friends andcompanions-in-arms in the service of the French king, and I came overfrom Ireland especially to take a dying message and a token from myfather to the Earl. That is all you need know about that; but I wouldhave you leave off your prate of your friend the Earl of Westport, forI understand full well you couldn't distinguish between him and achurch door, although 'tis scandalously little you know of churchdoors. So we will stop there on that point. Then I will go on to thenext point. The next point is that I am going to marry Lady MaryStrepp. "

The little Doctor had been choking and stuttering in a great spasm, but my last point bid fair to flatten him out on the floor. I took theoverpowered philosopher and led or carried him to another drink. 

"Stap me!" he cried again and again. "The man is mad!"

I surveyed him with a bland smile. 

"Let it sink into you, " said I soothingly. "Don't snarl and wrangle atit. It is all heaven's truth, and in time you will come to your sensesand see what I am telling you. "

Well, as soon as he had fully recovered his wind, he fell upon me withthousands of questions; for one may see that he would have plenty ofinterest in the matter as soon as he was assured that there was muchveracity involved in one way or another in my early statement. Hisquestions I answered as it pleased me, but I made clear enough to himthat, although Lady Mary was well disposed toward me, neither herfather nor her mother would even so much as look at me if I appliedfor a position as under-footman, I was that low in their estimate. 

"However, " said I, "I can rearrange all that very easily. And now, mybucko, here is where your fortune meets mine. You are fitted by naturemore to attend other people's affairs than to take a strict interestin your own. All kinds of meddling and interference come easily toyou. Well, then, here is a chance to exercise your giftsinoffensively, and yet in a way which may make two people happy forlife. I will tell you now that I don't even know where is the Earl'stown house. There is where your importance appears at once. You mustshow me the house. That is the first thing. After that we will arrangeall the details about ladders and garden walls, and, mayhap, carrierdoves. As for your reward, it will appear finally in the shape of abowing recognition by people of fashion, which is what you mostdesire in the world, you funny little man. "

Again I had stunned him. For a time I could see his brain swimming ina perfect sea of bewilderment. But, as before, sense gradually came tohim, and he again volleyed questions at me. But what stuck in his cropwas the thought that Lady Mary could prefer me. He tried his best tobelieve it, but he would always end up by saying: "Well, _if_ LadyMary cares for you, the affair is not too difficult. " Or, "Well, ifyou are _sure_ Lady Mary loves you--" I could have broken his head athousand times. 

"Bad luck to you, Doctor, " I cried. "Don't you know such croakingwould spoil the peace of any true lover? Is ever any worthy man ablenot to be anxious in such matters? 'Tis only foppery coxcombs who havegreat confidence, and they are usually misled, thank the Lord! Bequiet, now, and try to take everything for granted. "

Then the spirit of the adventure came upon him, and he was all for it, heels over head. As I told him, this sort of meddling was his propervocation. He who as a recreation revelled in the mere shadows of theintrigues of people of quality was now really part of one, an actor init, the repository of its deep secret. I had to curb his enthusiasm. He had such a sense of the importance of my news, and of hisdistinction in having heard it, that I think he wanted to tell thesecret to the entire world. 

As soon as the afternoon grew late I suggested a walk to that part ofLondon in which was situated the Earl's town house. I did not see whywe should not be moving at once on the campaign. The Doctor assented, and we went forth to look for Paddy and Jem Bottles. We found them atan ale-house which was the resort of the chairmen, footmen, andcoachmen of the grand people. The two rogues had evidently passed apleasant afternoon. Jem Bottles was still making love to a very prettygirl, some part of whose easy affection or interest he had won; andPaddy, it seems, had had a rip-roaring fight with two lackeys, worstedthem with despatch, and even pursued them some distance. To my sterninterrogation in regard to the pretty girl, Jem Bottles stoutlyrejoined that she was his second cousin whom he had not seen for manyyears. To this I made no reply, for it does no good to disturb thebalance of a good liar. If at times he is led to tell the truth, hebecomes very puzzling. In all the years Jem Bottles has been in myservice I have never reprimanded him for lying. I would confusematters to no purpose, inasmuch as I understand him perfectly. 

"And how, " said I to Paddy, "did you come to engage in thisdisgraceful brawl of a Sunday?"

"Your honour, " answered Paddy, "there was two of these men with fatlegs came here, and says one, looking hard at me, 'Here's a furriner, 'he says. 'Furriner yourself, you fish-faced ditch-lurker, ' says I, andwith that he takes up his fists and hits me a knock. There was alittle shindy, and afterward they ran away bawling, and I was pursuingthem, only I feared to lose my way in these strange parts. "

The walk to Lord Westport's house was a long one. It seemed that hehad built a great new mansion at a place outside of the old citygates, where other nobles and great brewers had built fine houses, surrounding them all with splendid gardens. 

One must not suppose that I had any idea of taking the mansion bystorm. My first idea was to dream a lover's dream as I gazed upon theabode of my treasure. This, I believe, is a legitimate proceeding inall careers. Every lover worthy of the name is certain to pilgrimage, muffled in his cloak, to moon over the home of his adored one. Otherwise there can be no real attachment. 

In the second place I wished to develop certain plans for gainingspeech of Lady Mary. I will not deny that I purposed on a near day toscale the garden wall and hold speech of my sweetheart as she walkedalone among the flowers. For my success I depended upon the absoluteconventionality of the idea. In all history no lover has even beenchased out of a garden by an under-gardener with a hoe. 

When we arrived at the house I found that it was indeed a gorgeousmansion. It was surrounded on all sides by high brick walls, butthrough the elaborate tracery of one of the iron-work gates I saw LadyMary's home standing among sweeping green lawns. 

We reconnoitred all sides, and at the back I found a lonely avenuelined with oaks. Here a small door pierced the wall for the useapparently of the gardeners or grooms. I resolved that here I wouldmake my attack. 

As we passed the iron gates on our way back to town, we saw windowafter window light up with a golden radiance. I wondered which part ofthat vast edifice hid the form of my Mary. 

I had asked Doctor Chord to sup with me at the inn, and on the waythither he proved somewhat loquacious. 

"I see in you, sir, " said he, "a certain instinct of true romancewhich is infrequently encountered in this humdrum commercial age. Allow me to express to you, sir, my warm admiration. I did not thinkthat a gallant of this humdrum commercial age could prove such a freespirit. In this humdrum commercial age--"

"I am an Irishman, " said I, "and in Ireland we are always humdrum, butwe are never commercial, for the reason that we have not the tools. "

"Aye, " said he, "you must be a great people. Strangely enough, you arethe first Irishman I have ever seen, although I have seen manyblackamoors. However, I am edified to find you a gentleman of greatlearning and experience. In this humdrum commercial age--"

"Let go, " said I. "I can do very well without your opinion as to mylearning and experience. In regard to this being a humdrum commercialage you will find that all ages say the same thing of themselves. I ammore interested in the winning of Lady Mary. "

"'Twas to that subject I was just about to turn the talk, " said theDoctor. "I need not express again to you the interest I feel; and ifit is true, as you say, that Lady Mary really loves you--"

"May the devil fly away with you, " I cried in a great rage. "Are younever to have done? You are an old frog. I asked you to help me, andyou do nothing but dispirit me with these doubts. I'll not put up withit. "

"I am very sorry to displease you, sir, " answered my friend. "If youexamine my intentions with a dispassionate eye, sir, I am convincedyou will have found nothing in me which should properly cause theseoutbursts of disapprobation. When I say, 'If Lady Mary really lovesyou, ' I am referring to the strange mishaps and misconstructions whichattend human thought at all times, and when I say--"

"Let go again, " I cried. "When I misunderstand you, don't enlightenme; for I find these explanations very hard to bear. "

To my surprise the little man answered with great spirit: "I am unableto gain any approval for my deep interest in your affairs, sir, " hecried. "Perchance, it would be better if I could affect a profoundindifference. I am certainly at a loss for words when each sentence ofmine is made the subject of wrathful objection. "

"You are right, " said I. "But you will understand how ten thousandemotions beset and haggle a lover, and I believe he always revengeshimself upon his dearest friends. Forgive me!"

"With all my heart!" answered the little Doctor. "I am aware, sir, that at the present time you are in many ways like a highly-tightenedfiddle, which any breeze frets into murmurings. Now, being absolutelycertain of the devotion of your beloved, you naturally--"

"By the ten lame pipers of Ballydehob, " I shouted, "let go of thattalk. I can't be having it. I warn ye. 'Tis either a grave for me, orquiet for you, and I am thinking it is quiet for you. "

"Inasmuch, " said the Doctor, "as my most judicious speeches seem toinflame your passions, sir, I am of the opinion that a perfect silenceon my part becomes almost necessary, and, to further this end, I wouldrecommend that you refrain from making interrogations, or otherwisepromulgating opportunities, when an expression of candid opinion seemsexpected and desired. "

"You've hit it, " said I. "We will have no more interrogations. However, I would much like to know how you became so intimate withLord Westport's family. "

Doctor Chord blushed with something of his earlier manner. "'Tis amatter which I did not expect to have leap at me out of the darknessin this fashion, " he said bashfully. "However, I am convinced of howwell you know these people, and I will traffic no more with hollowpretence. As you know, I deal much in chemical knowledge, which I amable to spread to almost every branch of human use and need. "

"'Tis an ill work, " said I slowly. "I doubt if Father Donovan wouldcare to hear you be speaking in this way. He always objected toscientific improvements as things which do harm to the Church. "

"In regard to the estimable friend you mention, " said the Doctor, "Iunhesitatingly state my profound assurances of respect. "

"Quite so, " I answered. "He will be pleased to hear of it. And now wewill return to the other matter. "

"I will obediently proceed, " said he. "Five years back the Countess ofWestport was thrown from her carriage. Physicians rushed to herrescue. I too appeared, being for the time out for a walk. Theywished to immediately bleed her, but I waved them aside and, recognizing me as a figure in the street world of science, they fellback abashed. I prescribed a small drink of hot rum. The lady took it. Almost immediately she recovered. She offered me a guinea. I refusedcurtly. She inquired here and there for my condition. Afterward sheapologized to me for not offering me more than a guinea. Since thattime we have been warm friends. She knows me as a great scientist whocame to her assistance in time of trouble when numerous quacks wishedto bleed her, and I overpowered them and gave her a drink of rum. 'Tistrue that after she reached her own bed the Earl's physician bled her, but she did not seem to appreciate it although he drew twenty-fiveounces, I think. But she has remained always grateful for the hotrum. "

CHAPTER XXIII

At supper that evening Doctor Chord amplified some of his views "A fewstaunch retainers could quickly aid you to scale the walls of thecastle, " said he. "But I have forgotten, " he added blankly. "'Tis nota castle. 'Tis a house. "

"If you would take some of these ancient ideas and bury them in thegarden, " said I, "they might grow in time to be some kind of turnip orother valuable food. But at the present moment they do not seem to meto serve much purpose. Supposing that the house is not a castle? Whatof that?"

"Castles--" said he. "Castles lend themselves--"

"Castles!" I cried. "Have done with castles! All castles may be Jews, as you say. But this is a house. "

"I remarked that it was a house, " he answered gently. "It was thatpoint that I was making. "

"Very good, " said I. "We will now proceed to define matters. Do youknow if Lady Mary walks in the garden? It is absolutely necessary thatLady Mary should walk in the garden. "

"She does, " he replied at once. "At this season of the year Lady Marywalks in the garden on every fine day at ten of the clock. "

"Then, " I cried, smiting the table, "our course is clear; I feelelate. My only regret is that my father is not here to give me a wordnow and then, for 'tis a game he would know down to the ground. "

"Although I am not your father, " said Doctor Chord modestly, "I may beable to suggest some expedient way of gaining entrance to the castle. "

"House, " said I. 

"House, " said he. 

"However, " said I, "we must lower ourselves to extremely practicalmatters. Can you climb a tree?"

"A tree?" said he. "Climb a tree? Strap me!"

"'Tis all very well to strap yourself in this fashion, " said I ratherwarmly; "but the climbing of trees appears here as an importantmatter. In my part of Ireland there are few trees, and so climbingtrees did not enter into my education. However, I am willing toattempt the climbing of a tree for the sake of my true love, and if Ifall--how high is this wall? Do you remember?"

"'Twas at least ten feet, " answered the Doctor. "And there is amurderous row of spikes at the top. But, " he added, "the more spikesand all that make them the more convinced that the garden is perfectlysafe from intrusion. "

"That's a world of sense out of you, " I cried. "The spikes convincethem the garden is safe from intrusion, and so they give over theirwatchfulness. So now in the morning we will go there, and I will climbone of the oak-trees bordering the wall--may the saints aid me!"

"You were asking if I could climb a tree, " remarked the Doctor. "Iwill point out to you that it is a question of no importance. It isyou yourself who must climb the tree; for even if I succeeded in thearduous and painful task I could not pay your vows to Lady Mary, andfor such purpose primarily the tree is to be climbed. "

"True for you, Doctor, " I answered with a sigh. "True for you. I mustclimb the tree. I can see that. I had some thought of making Paddyclimb it, but, as you say, a man must do his own love-making, and bythe same token I would break the head of any one who tried to do itfor me. I would that! In this world people must climb their own trees. Now that I think of it seriously, it was ridiculous in me to plan thatPaddy should climb the tree. "

"'Second thoughts are always best, '" said the little Doctor piously. "'Tis a phrase from one of the greatest writers of the day. And at anyrate I myself, because of age and debility, would not be able to climba tree. "

"Let us say no more of it, " said I. "I see my mistake. But tell me onething. I know you are a man with a great deal on your mind. Can youspare the time for this adventure?"

But on this point the Doctor was very clear and emphatic. I think if Ihad said he could not have a place in the plot he would have diedimmediately of a broken heart. 

"'Tis true I have not yet finished my treatise proving that thetouchstone is fallible, " he cried eagerly; "but it would give mepleasure to delay the work indefinitely if in the meantime I can be ofassistance. "

"That is a man's talk, " I said. "Well, then, in the morning we will goforth to do or die. And now a glass to success. "

That night I slept very heartily, for some of my father's soldiertraining is in my veins, and on the eve of a hard or precarious work Iam always able to get sound rest. My father often said that on thenight before a battle in which he would stand seventy-seven chances ofbeing killed he always slept like a dog in front of the fire. 

At dawn I was up and ready. My first move was to have Paddy and Jemsent to me, and to give them such information as would lead them to anintelligent performance of their duties during the day. "Mind ye now, "said I, "here's where the whole thing may be won or lost. There is alovely lady inside the walls of that garden which I was showing youyesterday. She lives in the big house. She is the lady who made youfeel ashamed when you took the old Earl's--well, never mind! I hope weare all properly repentant over it. However, I had better be gettingon with the matter in hand. She lives there, and if I can find no wayto gain speech of her we all three of us will have to take to thethickets, and that's the truth. "

"If I could but lay my fingers on her throttle, " said Jem Bottles in ablood-curdling voice, "she soon enough would--"

"Stop!" I cried. "You misunderstood me!"

"Aye, he does, " spoke in Paddy. "But I know what your honour ismeaning. You are meaning that the young lady--aye, didn't I see her, and didn't she give me a look of her eye? Aye, I know what your honouris meaning. "

"You are knowing it precisely, " said I. "The young lady is more to methan three Irelands. You understand? Well, then, in the first place Imust gain speech of her. To-day we march out and see what I canaccomplish by climbing trees. In the meantime you two are to lay inwaiting and assist me when necessary. "

"I am foreseeing that everything will be easy, " cried Paddyjubilantly. 

"You are an Irishman, " I responded in anger. 

"Aye, " he replied bitterly, "and another is within reach of my stickif it weren't for my respect for my betters, although such a thingnever could happen, please God!"

"No bold talk, " said I. "You may do that after. " I bade Jem Bottlesload his pistols and carry them handy, but to keep them wellconcealed. Paddy preferred to campaign with only a stout stick. I tookone pistol, and of course my sword. 

These preparations deeply stirred Jem Bottles and Paddy. 

"Your honour, " said Paddy, "if I see a man pulling you by the leg whenyou would be climbing the tree, may I hit him one lick?"

"Aye, " growled Jem Bottles, "and if I get a pistol against his head, he'll find out the difference between gunpowder and sand. "

"Stop, " I cried. "You have the wrong idea entirely. This talk ofcarnage startles me and alarms me. Remember we are in London. InLondon even the smallest massacre arouses great excitement. There areto be no killings, and even no sound thrashings. It is all to be donewith dainty gloves. Neither one of the pair of you looks fitted forthe work, but I am obliged to make you serve by hook or crook. 'Tistoo late to scour the country looking for good comrades. I must putup with you, since I can get no better. "

They were well pleased at the prospect of spirited adventures, although Paddy made some complaints because there was no chance of agreat ogre whom he could assail. He wished to destroy a few giants inorder to prove his loyalty to the cause. However, I soothed him out ofthis mood, showing him where he was mistaken, and presently we wereall prepared and only waited for the coming of Doctor Chord. 

When the little philosopher appeared, however, I must truly say that Ifell back a-gasping. He had tied some sort of a red turban about hishead, and pulled a black cocked hat down over it until his left eyewas wickedly shaded. From beneath his sombre cloak a heavy scabbardprotruded. "I have come; I am ready, " said he in a deep voice. 

"Bedad, you have!" cried I, sinking into a chair. "And why didn't a mobhang you on the road, little man? How did you reach here safely? Londonsurely never could stand two glimpses of such a dangerous-lookingpirate. You would give a sedan-chair the vapours. "

He looked himself over ruefully. "'Tis a garb befitting the dangerousadventure upon which I engaged, " said he, somewhat stiff in the lip. 

"But let me make known to you, " I cried, "that when a man wears a garbbefitting his adventure he fails surely. He should wear somethingextraneous. When you wish to do something evil, you put on the coat ofa parson. That is the clever way. But here you are looking like agallows-bird of the greatest claim for the rope. Stop it; take offthe red thing, tilt your hat until you look like a gentleman, and letus go to our adventure respectably. "

"I was never more surprised in my life, " said he sincerely. "I thoughtI was doing a right thing in thus arraying myself for an experiencewhich cannot fail to be thrilling and mayhap deadly. However, I seeyou in your accustomed attire, and in the apparel of your men-servantsI see no great change from yesterday. May I again suggest to you thatthe adventure upon which we proceed may be fraught with much danger?"

"A red rag around your temples marks no improvement in our risks, " saidI. "We will sally out as if we were off to a tea-party. When my fatherled the forlorn hope at the storming of Würstenhausenstaffenberg, hewore a lace collar, and he was a man who understood these matters. And Imay say that I wish he was here. He would be a great help. "

In time the Doctor removed his red turban and gradually and sadlyemerged from the more sanguine part of his paraphernalia and appearedas a simple little philosopher. Personally I have no objection to aman looking like a brigand, but my father always contended thatclothes serve no purpose in real warfare. Thus I felt I had committedno great injustice in depriving Chord of his red turban. 

We set out. I put much faith in the fact that we had no definiteplans, but to my great consternation Doctor Chord almost at once beganto develop well-laid schemes. As we moved toward the scene of ouradventure he remarked them to me. 

"First of all, " said he, "a strong party should be stationed at theiron gates, not only to prevent a sally of the garrison, but toprevent an intrepid retainer from escaping and alarming the city. Furthermore--"

"My gallant warrior, " said I, interrupting him, "we will drop thisquestion to the level of a humdrum commercial age. I will try tocompass my purpose by the simple climbing of a tree, and to that endall I could need from you is a stout lift and a good word. Then weproceed in the established way of making signs over a wall. All this Iexplained to you fully. I would not have you think I am about tobombard my lady-love's house. "

With a countenance of great mournfulness he grumbled: "No fascineshave been prepared. "

"Very good, " said I. "I will climb the tree without the aid offascines. "

As luck would have it, there was a little inn not very far from theEarl's house and on the lonely avenue lined with oaks. Here Itemporarily left Jem Bottles and Paddy, for I feared theirearnestness, which was becoming more terrible every minute. In orderto keep them pacified I gave instructions that they should keep astrict watch up the avenue, and if they saw any signs of trouble theywere to come a-running and do whatever I told them. These orderssuggested serious business to their minds, and so they were quitecontent. Their great point was that if a shindy was coming they had amoral right to be mixed up in it. 

Doctor Chord and I strolled carelessly under the oaks. It was stilltoo early for Lady Mary's walk in the garden, and there was an hour'swaiting to be worn out. In the mean time I was moved to express someof my reflections. 

"'Tis possible--nay, probable--that this is a bootless quest, " said Idejectedly. "What shadow of an assurance have I that Lady Mary willwalk in the garden on this particular morning? This whole thing isabsolute folly. "

"At any rate, " said the Doctor, "now that you already have walked thisgreat distance, it will be little additional trouble to climb a tree. "

He had encouraged me to my work at exactly the proper moment. 

"You are right, " said I, taking him warmly by the hand, "I will climbthe tree in any case. "

As the hour approached we began to cast about for the proper oak. I amsure they were all the same to me, but Doctor Chord was veryparticular. 

"'Tis logical to contend, " said he, "that the question of the girth ofthe tree will enter importantly into our devices. For example, if atree be so huge that your hands may not meet on the far side of it, asuccessful ascension will be impossible. On the other hand, a veryslim tree is like to bend beneath your weight, and even precipitateyou heavily to the ground, which disaster might retard events for anindefinite period. "

"Science your science, then, " said I. "And tell me what manner of treebest suits the purpose of a true lover. "

"A tree, " said the Doctor, "is a large vegetable arising with onewoody stem to a considerable height. As to the appearance and qualityof a tree, there are many diversifications, and this fact in itselfconstitutes the chief reason for this vegetable being of such greatuse to the human family. Ships are made of nought but trees, and if itwere not for ships we would know but little of the great world ofwhich these English islands form less than a half. Asia itself isslightly larger than all Scotland, and if it were not for the ships wewould be like to delude ourselves with the idea that we and ourneighbours formed the major part of the world. "

With such wise harangues the Doctor entertained my impatience until itwas time for me to climb a tree. And when this time came I went at mywork without discussion or delay. 

"There, " said I resolutely, "I will climb this one if it kills me. "

I seized the tree; I climbed. I will not say there was no groaning andpuffing, but any how I at last found myself astride of a branch andlooking over the wall into the Earl of Westport's garden. 

But I might have made myself less labour and care by having somebodypaint me a large landscape of this garden and surveyed it at myleisure. There I was high in a tree, dangling my legs, and staring atsmooth lawns, ornamental copses, and brilliant flower-beds withouteven so much as a dog to enliven the scene. "O'Ruddy, " said I tomyself after a long time, "you've hung yourself here in mid-air like abacon to a rafter, and I'll not say much to you now. But if you everreach the ground without breaking your neck, I'll have a word withyou, for my feelings are sorely stirred. "

I do not know how long I sat in the tree engaged in my bittermeditation. But finally I heard a great scudding of feet near thefoot of the tree, and I then saw the little Doctor bolting down theroad like a madman, his hat gone, his hair flying, while his twocoat-tails stuck out behind him straight as boards. 

My excitement and interest in my ally's flight was so great that Inear fell from my perch. It was incomprehensible that my little friendcould dust the road at such speed. He seemed only to touch the groundfrom time to time. In a moment or two he was literally gone, like anarrow shot from the bow. 

But upon casting my bewildered glance downward I found myself staringsquarely into the mouth of a blunderbuss. The mouth of thisblunderbuss, I may say, was of about the width of a fair-sizedwater-pitcher; in colour it was bright and steely. Its appearanceattracted me to such an extent that I lost all idea of the man behindthe gun. But presently I heard a grim, slow voice say, --

"Climb down, ye thief. "

The reason for little Doctor Chord's hasty self-removal from thevicinity was now quite clear, and my interest in his departure was nolonger speculative. 

CHAPTER XXIV

"Climb down, ye thief, " said the grim, slow voice again. I looked oncemore into the mouth of the blunderbuss. I decided to climb. If I hadhad my two feet square on the ground, I would have taken a turn withthis man, artillery or no artillery, to see if I could get the upperhand of him. But neither I nor any of my ancestors could ever fightwell in trees. Foliage incommodes us. We like a clear sweep for thearm, and everything on a level space, and neither man in a tree. However, a sensible man holds no long discussions with a blunderbuss. I slid to the ground, arriving in a somewhat lacerated state. Ithereupon found that the man behind the gun was evidently some kind ofkeeper or gardener. He had a sour face deeply chiselled with meanlines, but his eyes were very bright, the lighter parts of them beingsteely blue, and he rolled the pair of them from behind his awfulweapon. 

"And for whom have you mistaken me, rascal?" I cried as soon as I hadcome ungracefully to the ground and found with whom I had to deal. 

"Have mistaken ye for naught, " replied the man proudly. "Ye be thethief of the French pears, ye be. "

"French pears--French--French what?" I cried. 

"Ay, ye know full well, " said he, "and now ye'll just march. "

Seeing now plainly that I was in the hands of one of Lord Westport'sgardeners, who had mistaken me for some garden-thief for whom he hadbeen on the look-out, I began to expostulate very pointedly. Butalways this man stolidly faced me with the yawning mouth of theblunderbuss. 

"And now ye'll march, " said he, and despite everything I marched. Imarched myself through the little door in the wall, and into thegardens of the Earl of Westport. And the infernal weapon was clampedagainst the small of my back. 

But still my luck came to me even then, like basket falling out of ablue sky. As, in obedience to my captor's orders, I rounded a bit ofshrubbery, I came face to face with Lady Mary. I stopped so abruptlythat the rim of the on-coming blunderbuss must have printed a finepink ring on my back. I lost all intelligence. I could not speak. Ionly knew that I stood before the woman I loved, while a man firmlypressed the muzzle of a deadly firearm between my shoulder-blades. Iflushed with shame, as if I really had been guilty of stealing theFrench pears. 

Lady Mary's first look upon me was one of pure astonishment. Then shequickly recognized the quaint threat expressed in the attitude of theblunderbuss. 

"Strammers, " she cried, rushing forward, "what would you be doing tothe gentleman?"

"'Tis no gentleman, your la'ship, " answered the man confidently. "Hebe a low-born thief o' pears, he be. "

"Strammers!" she cried again, and wrested the blunderbuss from hishands. I will confess that my back immediately felt easier. 

"And now, sir, " she said, turning to me haughtily, "you will pleasegrant me an explanation of to what my father is indebted for thisvisit to his private grounds?"

But she knew; no fool of a gardener and a floundering Irishman couldkeep pace with the nimble wits of a real woman. I saw the pink stealover her face, and she plainly appeared not to care for an answer toher peremptory question. However, I made a grave reply which did notinvolve the main situation. 

"Madam may have noticed a certain deluded man with a bell-mouthedhowitzer, " said I. "His persuasions were so pointed and emphatic thatI was induced to invade these gardens, wherein I have been sounfortunate as to disturb a lady's privacy, --a thing which only causesme the deepest regret. "

"He be a pear-thief, " grumbled Strammers from a distance. "Don't yetake no word o' his, your la'ship, after me bringing 'im down from outa tree. "

"From out a tree?" said Lady Mary, and she looked at me, and I lookedat her. 

"The man is right, Lady Mary, " said I significantly. "I was in a treelooking over the garden wall. "

"Strammers, " said she with decision, "wait for me in the rose-garden, and speak no single word to anybody until I see you again. You havemade a great mistake. "

The man obediently retired, after saluting me with an air of slightlydubious apology. He was not yet convinced that I had not been afterhis wretched French pears. 

But with the withdrawal of this Strammers Lady Mary's manner changed. She became frightened and backed away from me, still holding thegardener's blunderbuss. 

"O sir, " she cried in a beautiful agitation, "I beg of you to leave atonce. Oh, please!"

But here I saw it was necessary to treat the subject in a bold Irishway. 

"I'll not leave, Lady Mary, " I answered. "I was brought here by force, and only force can make me withdraw. "

A glimmer of a smile came to her face, and she raised the blunderbuss, pointing it full at my breast. The mouth was still the width of awater-jug, and in the fair inexperienced hands of Lady Mary it waslike to go off at any moment and blow a hole in me as big as aplatter. 

"Charming mistress, " said I, "shoot!"

For answer she suddenly flung the weapon to the grass, and, buryingher face in her hands, began to weep. "I'm afraid it's l-l-loaded, "she sobbed out. 

In an instant I was upon my knees at her side and had taken her hand. Her fingers resisted little, but she turned away her head. 

"Lady Mary, " said I softly, "I'm a poor devil of an Irish adventurer, but--I love you! I love you so that if I was dead you could bid merise! I am a worthless fellow; I have no money, and my estate you canhardly see for the mortgages and trouble upon it; I am no fine suitor, but I love you more than them all; I do, upon my life!"

"Here approaches Strammers in quest of his blunderbuss, " she answeredcalmly. "Perhaps we had better give it to him. "

I sprang to my feet, and, sure enough, the thick-headed ninepin of agardener was nearing us. 

"Don't ye trust 'im, your la'ship!" he cried. "I caught 'im in a tree, I did, and he be a bad lot!"

Lady Mary quelled him, and he at once went away with his blunderbuss, still muttering his many doubts. But still one cannot drop a lovedeclaration and pick it up again with the facility of a tailorresuming his work on a waistcoat. One can't say: "Where was I? How farhad I gone before this miserable interruption came?" In a word I foundmysef stammering and stuttering and wasting moments too precious forwords. 

"Lady Mary--" I began. "Lady Mary--I love you, Lady Mary! Lady Mary--"

It was impossible for me to depart from this rigmarole and express themany things with which my heart was full. It was a maddeningtongue-tie. The moments seemed for me the crisis of my existence, andyet I could only say, "Lady Mary, I love you!" I know that in manycases this statement has seemed to be sufficient, but as a matter offact I was full of things to say, and it was plain to me that I waslosing everything through the fact that my silly tongue clung to theroof of my mouth. 

I do not know how long the agony endured, but at any rate it was endedby a thunderous hammering upon the little door in the garden-wall. Ahigh Irish voice could be heard:

"And if ye be not leaving him out immediately, we will be coming overthe wall if it is ten thousand feet high, ye murdering rogues. "

Lady Mary turned deadly pale. "Oh, we are lost, " she cried. 

I saw at once that the interview was ended. If I remained doughtily Iremained stupidly. I could come back some other day. I clutched LadyMary's hand and kissed it. Then I ran for the door in the garden wall. In a moment I was out, and I heard her frantically bolting the doorbehind me. 

I confronted Paddy and Jem. Jem had in his hands a brace of pistolswhich he was waving determinedly. Paddy was wetting his palms andresolutely swinging a club. But when they saw me their ferocity gaveway to an outburst of affectionate emotion. I had to assert all mymastership to keep Paddy from singing. He would sing. Sure, if theyhad never heard an Irish song it was time they did. 

"Paddy, " said I, "my troubles are on me. I wish to be thinking. Remainquiet. "

Presently we reached the little inn, and from there the little DoctorChord flew out like a hawk at a sparrow. 

"I thought you were dead, " he shouted wildly. "I thought you weredead. "

"No, " said I, "I am not dead, but I am very thirsty. " And, althoughthey were murmuring this thing and that thing, I would have no wordwith them until I was led to the parlour of the inn and given a glass. 

"Now, " said I, "I penetrated to the garden and afterwards I came awayand I can say no more. "

The little Doctor was very happy and proud. 

"When I saw the man with the blunderbuss, " he recounted, "I saidboldly: 'Sirrah, remove that weapon! Exclude it from the scene!Eliminate it from the situation!' But his behaviour was extraordinary. He trained the weapon in such a manner that I myself was in danger ofbeing eliminated from the situation. I instantly concluded that Iwould be of more benefit to the cause if I temporarily abandoned thevicinity and withdrew to a place where the climatic conditions weremore favourable to prolonged terms of human existence. "

"I saw you abandoning the vicinity, " said I, "and I am free to declarethat I never saw a vicinity abandoned with more spirit and finish. "

"I thank you for your appreciation, " said the Doctor simply. Then heleaned to my ear and whispered, barring his words from Jem and Paddy, who stood respectfully near our chairs. "And the main object of theexpedition?" he asked. "Was there heavy firing and the beating down ofdoors? And I hope you took occasion to slay the hideous monster whoflourished the blunderbuss? Imagine my excitement after I hadsuccessfully abandoned the vicinity! I was trembling with anxiety foryou. Still, I could adopt no steps which would not involve suchopportunities for instant destruction that the thought of them broughtto mind the most horrible ideas. I pictured myself lying butchered, blown to atoms by a gardener's blunderbuss. Then the spirit ofself-sacrifice arose in me, and, as you know, I sent your two servantsto your rescue. "

The little man was looking through the window at this moment. Suddenlyhe started back, flinging up his hands. 

"My soul, he is again upon us, " he cried. 

I hastily followed his glance, and saw the man Strammers makingpeaceful way toward the inn. Apparently he was going to the taproomfor an early pint. The Doctor flurried and dove until I checked him infear that he would stand on his head in the fireplace. 

"No, " said I, "calm yourself. There will be no blunderbusses. On theother hand, I see here a great chance for a master-stroke. Be quietnow, and try to hold yourself in a chair and see me deal with thesituation. When it comes to a thing like this, it is all child's playfor me. Paddy, " said I. "Jem, " said I, "there is a gardener in thetaproom. Go and become his warm friends. You know what I mean. Atuppence here and there won't matter. But, of course, always treat himwith the profound consideration which is due to so distinguished agardener. "

They understood me at once and grinned. But even then I was struckwith their peculiar reasons for understanding at once. Jem Bottlesunderstood at once because he had been a highwayman; Paddy understoodat once because he was an Irishman. One had been all his life a rogue;the other had been born on an intelligent island. And so theycomprehended me with equal facility. 

They departed on their errand, and when I turned I found myself in theclutches of a maddened Doctor Chord. 

"Monster, " he screamed, "you have ordered him to be killed!"

"Whist, " said I, "it would never do to order him to be killed. He istoo valuable. "

CHAPTER XXV

"You appear more at your ease when you are calm, " said I to the Doctoras I squashed him into a chair. "Your ideas of murder are juvenile. Gardeners are murdered only by other gardeners, over some question ofa magnolia-tree. Gentlemen of position never murder gardeners. "

"You are right, sir, " he responded frankly. "I see my mistake. Butreally, I was convinced that something dreadful was about to happen. Iam not familiar with the ways of your nationality, sir, and when yougave the resolute directions to your men it was according to myeducation to believe that something sinister was at hand, although noone could regret more than I that I have made this foolish mistake. "

"No, " said I, "you are not familiar with the ways of my nationality, and it will require an indefinite number of centuries to make yourcountry-men understand the ways of my nationality; and when they dothey will only pretend that after great research they have discoveredsomething very evil indeed. However, in this detail, I am able toinstruct you fully. The gardener will not be murdered. His fluencywith a blunderbuss was very annoying, but in my opinion it was not sofluent as to merit death. "

"I confess, " said Doctor Chord, "that all peoples save my own aregreat rascals and natural seducers. I cannot change this nationalconviction, for I have studied politics as they are known in theKing's Parliament, and it has been thus proved to me. "

"However, the gardener is not to be murdered, " said I, "and although Iam willing to cure you in that particular ignorance I am not willingto take up your general cure as a life work. A glass of wine withyou. "

After we had adjusted this slight misunderstanding we occupied ourseats comfortably before the fire. I wished to give Paddy and Jemplenty of time to conciliate Strammers, but I must say that the waitgrew irksome. Finally I arose and went into the corridor and peeredinto the taproom. There were Paddy and Jem with their victim, thethree of them seated affectionately in a row on a bench, drinking fromquart pots of ale. Paddy was clapping the gardener on the shoulder. 

"Strammers, " he cried, "I am thinking more of you than of my cousinMickey, who was that gay and that gallant it would make you wonder, although I am truthful in saying they killed him for the peace of theparish. But he had the same bold air with him, and devil the girl inthe country-side but didn't know who was the lad for her. "

Strammers seemed greatly pleased, but Jem Bottles evinced deepdisapproval of Paddy's Celtic methods. 

"Let Master Strammers be, " said he. "He be a-wanting a quiet draught. Let him have his ale with no talking here and there. "

"Ay, " said Strammers, now convinced that he was a great man and aphilosopher, "a quiet draught o' old ale be a good thing. "

"True for you, Master Strammers, " cried Paddy enthusiastically. "It isin the way of being a good thing. There you are now. Ay, that's it. Agood thing! Sure. "

"Ay, " said Strammers, deeply moved by this appreciation, which he hadbelieved should always have existed. "Ay, I spoke well. "

"Well would be no name for it, " responded Paddy fervidly. "By gor, andI wish you were knowing Father Corrigan. He would be the only man tonear match you. 'A quiet draught o' old ale is a good thing, ' saysyou, and by the piper 'tis hard to say Father Corrigan could have doneit that handily. 'Tis you that are a wonderful man. "

"I have a small way o' my own, " said Strammers, "which even some ofthe best gardeners has accounted most wise and humorous. The power o'good speech be a great gift. " Whereupon the complacent Strammerslifted his arm and buried more than half his face in his quart pot. 

"It is, " said Paddy earnestly. "And I'm doubting if even the bestgardeners would be able to improve it. And says you: 'A quiet draughto' old ale is a good thing, ' 'Twould take a grand gardener to beatthat word. "

"And besides the brisk way of giving a word now and then, " continuedthe deluded Strammers, "I am a great man with flowers. Some of thefinest beds in London are there in my master's park. "

"Are they so?" said Paddy. "I would be liking to see them. "

"And ye shall, " cried the gardener with an outburst of generousfeeling. "So ye shall. On a Sunday we may stroll quietly and decentlyin the gardens, and ye shall see. "

Seeing that Paddy and Jem were getting on well with the man, Ireturned to Doctor Chord. 

"'Tis all right, " said I. "They have him in hand. We have only to sitstill, and the whole thing is managed. "

Later I saw the three men in the road, Paddy and Jem embracing thealmost tearful Strammers. These farewells were touching. Afterward myrogues appeared before me, each with a wide grin. 

"We have him, " said Paddy, "and 'tis us that has an invitation to comeinside the wall next Sunday. 'I have some fine flowers in thegardens, ' said he. 'Have you so?' said I. 'Well, then, 'tis myselfwill be breaking your head if you don't leave us inside to see them. ''Master Paddy, ' said he, 'you are a gentleman, or if not you are verylike one, and you and your handsome friend, Master Jem, as well asanother friend or two, is welcome to see the gardens whenever I canmake certain the master and mistress is out. ' And with that I told himhe could go home. "

"You are doing well, " I said, letting the scoundrel see in my facethat I believed his pleasant tale, and he was so pleased that he wasfor going on and making a regular book out of it. But I checked him. "No, " said I. "I am fearing that I would become too much interestedand excited. I am satisfied with what you've been telling me. 'Twasmore to my mind to have beaten that glass-eyed man, but we have takenthe right course. And now we will be returning to where we lodge. "

During the walk back to the "Pig and Turnip" Doctor Chord took itupon himself to discourse in his usual style upon the recent events. "Of course, sir, I would care to hear of the tragic scenes which musthave transpired soon after I--I--"

"Abandoned the vicinity?" said I. 

"Precisely, " he responded. "Although I was not in the exactneighbourhood during what must have been a most tempestuous part ofyour adventure, I can assure you I had lost none of my former interestin the affair. "

"I am believing you, " said I; "but let us talk now more of the future. I am much absorbed in the future. It appears to me that it will moveat a rapid pace. "

I did not tell him about my meeting with Lady Mary, because I knew, ifoccasion arose, he would spread the news over half London. Noconsideration would have been great enough to bridle the tongue of thelittle gossip from use of the first bit of news which he had everreceived warm from the fire. Besides, after his behaviour in front ofthe enemy, I was quite certain that an imparting of my news could donothing in the way of impairing his inefficiency. Consequently it wasnot necessary to trouble him with dramatic details. 

"As to the part of the adventure which took place in the garden, youare consistently silent, I observe, sir, " said the Doctor. 

"I am, " said I. "I come of a long line of silent ancestors. My fatherwas particularly notable in this respect. "

"And yet, sir, " rejoined the Doctor, "I had gained an impression thatyour father was quite willing to express himself in a lofty and noblemanner on such affairs as attracted his especial notice. "

"He was that, " said I, pleased. "He was indeed. I am only wishing Ihad his talent for saying all that was in his mind so fast that eventhe priest could not keep up with him, and goodness knows FatherDonovan was no small talker. "

"You prove to me the limitations of science, sir, " said he. "AlthoughI think I may boast of some small education of a scientific nature, Ithink I will require some time for meditation and study before I willbe able to reconcile your last two statements. "

"'Tis no matter, " I cried amiably. "Let it pass. "

For the rest of that week there was conference following conference atthe "Pig and Turnip" and elsewhere. My three companions were now aseager as myself for the advent of the critical Sunday when I, withPaddy and Jem, were to attempt our visit to Strammers'sflower-gardens. I had no difficulty in persuading the Doctor that hisservices would be invaluable at another place; for the memory of theblunderbuss seemed to linger with him. I had resolved to disguisemyself slightly, for I had no mind to have complications arising fromthis gardener's eyes. I think a little disguise is plenty unless onestalks mysteriously and stops and peers here and there. A littleunostentatious minding of one's own affairs is a good way to remainundiscovered. Then nobody looks at you and demands: "Who is thisfellow?" My father always said that when he wished to disguise himselfhe dressed as a common man, and although this gained him many a hardknock of the fist and blow of the stick from people who were reallyhis inferiors, he found his disguise was perfection. However, myfather only disguised when on some secret mission from King Louis, forit does not become a gentleman to accept a box on the ears fromanybody unless it is in the service of his sovereign. 

I remember my father saying also these tours as a common man taughthim he must ever afterward ride carefully through the streets ofvillages and towns. He was deeply impressed by the way in which men, women, and children had to scud for their lives to keep from under thehoofs of the chargers of these devil-may-care gentlemen who came likewhirlwinds through narrow crowded streets. He himself often had toscramble for his life, he said. 

However, that was many years back, and I did not fear any suchadventures in my prospective expedition. In such a case I would havetrembled for what might happen. I have no such philosophy of temper ashad my father. I might take the heel of a gay cavalier and throw himout of the saddle, and then there would be a fine uproar. However, Iam quite convinced that it is always best to dodge. A good dodgerseldom gets into trouble in this world, and lives to a green old age, while the noble patriot and others of his kind die in dungeons. Iremember an honest man who set out to reform the parish in the matterof drink. They took him and--but, no matter; I must be getting on withthe main tale. 

CHAPTER XXVI

On Saturday night I called the lads to my room and gave them theirfinal instructions. 

"Now, you rogues, " said I to them, "let there be no drinking thisnight, and no trapesing of the streets, getting your heads broke justat the critical moment; for, as my father used to say, although abroken head is merrily come by, a clear head's worth two of it whenbusiness is to be transacted. So go to your beds at once, the two ofyou, if there's any drinking to be done, troth it's myself that'llattend to it. "

With that I drove them out and sat down to an exhilarating bottle, without ever a thought of where the money was to come from to pay forit. It is one of the advantages of a public house frequented by thenobility that if you come to it with a bold front, and one or twoservants behind your back, you have at least a clear week ahead beforethey flutter the show of a bill at you and ask to see the colour ofyour gold in exchange for their ink and paper. 

My father used to say that a gentleman with money in his pocket mighteconomize and no disgrace to him; but when stomach and purse are bothempty, go to the best house in the town, where they will feed you, andlodge you, and drink you, before asking questions. Indeed I never shedmany salt tears over the losses of a publican, for he shears soclosely those sheep that have plenty of wool that he may well takecare of an innocent lamb like myself, on which the crop is not yetgrown. 

I was drinking quietly and thinking deeply on the wisdom of my father, who knew the world better than ever his son will know it, when therewas an unexpected knock at the door, and in walked Doctor Chord. I wasnot too pleased to see the little man, for I had feared he had changedhis mind and wanted to come with us in the morning, and his companywas something I had no desire for. He was a coward in a pinch, and adistrustful man in peace, ever casting doubt on the affection I wassure sometimes that Lady Mary held for me; and if he wasn't talkingabout that, sure he went rambling on, --great discourses on sciencewhich held little interest for a young man so deeply in love as I was. The proper study of mankind is womankind, said a philosopher that myfather used to quote with approval, but whose name I'm forgetting atthis moment. Nevertheless I welcomed the little Doctor and said tohim:

"Draw you up a chair, and I'll draw out a cork. "

The little man sat him down, and I placed an open bottle nice andconvenient to his elbow. 

Whether it was the prospect of good wine, or the delight of bettercompany, or the thought of what was going to happen on the morrow, Icould not tell; but it seemed to me the little Doctor laboured under agreat deal of excitement, and I became more and more afraid that hewould insist on bearing us company while the Earl and the Countesswere away at church. Now it was enough to have on my hands two suchmodels of stupidity as Paddy and Jem without having to look afterDoctor Chord as well, and him glancing his eyes this way and that inapprehension of a blunderbuss. 

"Have you made all your plans, O'Ruddy?" he inquired, setting down hiscup a good deal emptier than when he lifted it. 

"I have, " said I. 

"Are you entirely satisfied with them?" he continued. 

"My plans are always perfect plans, " I replied to him, "and troubleonly comes in the working of them. When you have to work with such rawmaterial as I have to put up with, the best of plans have the unluckyhabit of turning round and hitting you in the eye. "

"Do you expect to be hit in the eye to-morrow?" asked the Doctor, veryexcited, which was shown by the rattle of the bottle against the lipof his cup. 

"I'm only sure of one thing for to-morrow, " said I, "and that is thecertainty that if there's blunder to be made one or other of myfollowing will make it. Still, I'm not complaining, for it's good tobe certain of something. "

"What's to be your mode of procedure?" said the Doctor, giving me atouch of his fine language. 

"We wait in the lane till the church bells have stopped ringing, thenPaddy and Jem go up to the little door in the wall, and Paddy knocksnice and quietly, in the expectation that the door will be opened asquietly by Strammers, and thereupon Jem and Paddy will be let in. "

"But won't ye go in with them?" inquired the little Doctor veryhurriedly. 

"Doctor Chord, " said I, lifting up my cup, "I have the honour to drinkwine with you, and to inform you that it's myself that's outlining theplan. "

"I beg your pardon for interrupting, " said the Doctor; then he noddedto me as he drank. 

"My two villains will go in alone with Strammers, and when the door isbolted, and they have passed the time of day with each other, Paddywill look around the garden and exclaim how it excels all the gardensthat ever was, including that of Eden; and then Jem will say what apity it was they couldn't have their young friend outside to see thebeauty of it. It is my expectation that Strammers will rise to this, and request the pleasure of their young friend's company; but if hehesitates Paddy will say that the young friend outside is afree-handed Irishman who would no more mind a shilling going from hispocket into that of another man than he would the crooking of an elbowwhen a good drink is to be had. But be that as it may, they're to workme in through the little door by the united diplomacy of England andIreland, and, once inside of the walls, it is my hope that I can slipaway from them and see something of the inside of the house as well. "

"And you have the hope that you'll find Lady Mary in thewithdrawing-room, " said the Doctor. 

"I'll find her, " says I, "if she's in the house; for I'm going fromroom to room on a tour of inspection to see whether I'll buy themansion or not. "

"It's a very good plan, " said the Doctor, drawing the back of his handacross his lips. "It's a very good plan, " he repeated, nodding hishead several times. 

"Now, by the Old Head of Kinsale, little man, " said I, "what do youmean by that remark and that motion of the head? What's wrong with theplan?"

"The plan's a good one, as I have said, " reiterated the Doctor. But Isaw there was something on his mind, and told him so, urging him to beout with it. 

"Do you think, " said I, "that Lady Mary will be in church with herfather and mother?"

"I do not, " muttered the Doctor, cautiously bringing his voice down toa whisper; "but I want to warn you that there's danger here in thisroom while you're lurking around my Earl's palace. "

"How can danger harm me here when I am somewhere else?" I asked. 

A very mysterious manner fell upon the little man, and he glanced, oneafter the other, at the four corners of the room, as if he heard amouse moving and wanted to detect it. Then he looked sternly at thedoor, and I thought he was going to peer up the chimney, but insteadhe leaned across the table and said huskily, --

"The papers!"

"What papers?" I asked, astonished. 

"Your thoughts are so intent on the young lady that you forgeteverything else. Have you no recollection of the papers the Earl ofWestport is so anxious to put himself in possession of?"

I leaned back in my chair and gazed steadily at Chord; but his eyeswould not bring themselves to meet mine, and so he made some potherabout filling up his cup again, with the neck of the bottle tremblingon the edge, as if its teeth were chattering. 

Now my father used to say when a man is afraid to meet your eye, beprepared to have him meet your fist. I disremembered saying anythingto the Doctor about these same papers, which, truth to tell, I hadgiven but little thought to recently, with other things of moreimportance to crowd them out of mind. 

"How come you to know anything about the papers?" I said at last. 

"Oh, your memory is clean leaving you!" cried the little Doctor, as ifthe cup of wine he drank had brought back his courage to him. "Youtold me all about the papers when we were in Kensington Gardens. "

"If I did, " says I, "then I must have further informed you that I gavethem as a present to Lady Mary herself. Surely I told you that?"

"You told me that, of course; but I thought you said they had comeback into your possession again. If I'm wrong, it's no matter at all, and there's nothing to be said about them. I'm merely speaking to youby way of a friend, and I thought if you had the papers here in yourroom it was very unsafe to leave them unprotected by yourself or someone you can trust. I was just speaking as your well-wisher, for Idon't want to hear you crying you are robbed, and us at our wit's endnot getting either the thief or the booty. "

He spoke with great candour and good humour, and the only thing thatmade me suspicious at first was that for the life of me I could notever remember mentioning the papers to him, yet it was very likelythat I did; for, as my father used to say, an Irishman talks more thanthe recording angel can set down in his busiest day, and therefore itis lucky that everything he says is not held against him. It seemed tome that we talked more of scandal than of papers in the park, butstill I might be mistaken. 

"Very good, Doctor, " I cried, genially. "The papers it is, and, truefor you, the Earl would like to get his old claws on them. Have youany suggestions to make?"

"Well, it seems to me, O'Ruddy, that if the Earl got wind of them itwould be the easiest thing in the world to have your apartment rifledduring your absence. "

"That is true enough, " I agreed, "so what would you do about thepapers if you were in my boots?"

"If I had a friend I could trust, " said Doctor Chord slowly, "I wouldgive the papers to him and tell him to take good care of them. "

"But why not carry them about in my own pocket?" I asked. 

"It seemed to me they were not any too safe last time they werethere, " said the Doctor, pleasantly enough. "You see, O'Ruddy, you'rea marked man if once the Earl gets wind of your being in town. Tocarry the papers about on your own person would be the unsafest thingyou could do, ensuring you a stab in the back, so that little useyou'd have for the papers ever after. I have no desire to be mixedfurther in your affairs than I am at the present moment, butnevertheless I could easily take charge of the packet for you; thenyou would know where it was. "

"But would I be sure to know where _you_ were?" said I, my firstsuspicion of him returning to me. 

The little Doctor laughed. 

"I am always very easily found, " he said; "but when I offered to takethe papers it was merely in case a stranger like yourself should nothave a faster friend beside him than I am. If you have any such, thenI advise you to give custody of the papers to him. "

"I have no real friend in London that I know of, " said I, "but Paddy. "

"The very thing, " cried the Doctor, joyously, at once putting to restall my doubts concerning him. "The very thing. I would give the papersto Paddy and tell him to protect them with his life. I'm sure he'll doit, and you'll know where to find both them and him when you wantthem. But to go away from the 'Pig and Turnip' right across to theother end of the town, taking your two servants with you, leavingnobody to guard papers that are of importance to you, strikes me asthe height of folly. I'll just fill up another cup, and so bid yougood-night, and good luck for the morrow. "

And with that the little man drained the bottle, taking his leave withgreat effusion, and begging my pardon for even so much as mentioningthe papers, saying they had been on his mind for the last day or two, and, feeling friendly toward me, he wished to warn me not to leavethem carelessly about. 

After he left I thought a good deal about what the Doctor had said, and I wondered at myself that I had ever misdoubted him; for, althoughhe was a man given greatly to talk, yet he had been exceedinglyfriendly with me from the very first night I had met him, and Ithought shame of myself that I was losing trust in my fellow man herein this great city of London, because in Ireland we trust each otherentirely; and indeed we are under some compulsion in that same matter, for there is so little money about that if you do not take a man'sword now and then there's nothing else for you to take. 

CHAPTER XXVII

I slept well that night, and it was broad daylight when I awoke. Amost beautiful morning it seemed to me, and just the time for a lonelystroll in the beautiful gardens, so long as there was some one withyou that you thought a great deal of. I made a good breakfast, andthen took out the papers and placed them on the table before me. Theywere all safe so far. I could not comprehend how the Earl would knowanything of my being in London, unless, indeed, he caught sight of mewalking in his own gardens with his own daughter, and then, belike, hewas so jealous a man that he would maybe come to the conclusion I wasin London as well as himself. 

After breakfast Paddy and Jem came in, looking as bold as BlarneyCastle; and when I eyed them both I saw that neither one nor the otherwas a fit custodian for papers that might make the proudest Earl inEngland a poor man or a rich man, depending which way they went. So Iput the documents in my own pocket without more ado, and gave up mythoughts to a pleasanter subject. I changed my mind about a disguise, and put on my back the best clothes that I had to wear. I wished I hadthe new suits I had been measured for, but the spalpeen of a tailorwould not let me have them unless I paid him some of the money theycost. When I came to think over it I saw that Strammers would surelynever recognize me as a gay spark of fashion when he had merely seenme once before, torn and ragged, coming down from a tree on top of hisblunderbuss. So I instructed Paddy to say that he and Jem wereservants of the best master in the world, who was a great lover ofgardens; that he was of immense generosity, and if Strammers allowedhim to come into the gardens by the little door he would be a richerman when the door was opened than he would be if he kept it shut. Ihad been long enough in London to learn the golden method ofpersuasion; any how I could not bring myself to the chance of meetingwith my lady, and me dressed worse than one of her own servants. 

We were all in the lane when the church bells ceased to ring, and ifany one had seen us he would simply have met a comely young Irishgentleman taking the air of a Sunday morning with two faithfulservants at his heels. I allowed something like ten impatient minutesto crawl past me, and then, as the lane was clear and every one forthe church within its walls, I tipped a nod to Paddy, and he, with Jemby his side, tapped lightly at the door, while I stood behind thetrunk of the tree up which I had climbed before. There was no sign ofDoctor Chord in the vicinity, and for that I was thankful, because upto the last moment I feared the little man could not help intrudinghimself on what was somebody else's business. 

The door was opened with some caution, letting Paddy and Jem enter;then it was closed, and I heard the bolts shot into their places. ButI was speedily to hear more than bolts that Sunday morning. There wasa sound of thumping sticks, and I heard a yell that might well havepenetrated to the "Pig and Turnip" itself, although it was miles away. I knew Paddy's cry, and next there came some good English cursing fromJem Bottles, while a shrill voice called out:--

"Catch the red-haired one; he's the villain we want!"

In the midst of various exclamations, maledictions, and otherconstructions of speech, mingled, I thought, with laughter, I flung myshoulder against the door, but I might as well have tried to batterdown the wall itself. The door was as firm as Macgillicuddy Reeks. Iknow when I am beat as well as the next man, and, losing no more timethere, I ran as fast as I could along the wall, out of the lane, andso to the front of the house. The main entrance was protected by greatgates of wrought iron, which were opened on occasion by a man in alittle cubby of a cabin that stood for a porter's lodge. The manwasn't there, and the gates were locked; but part of one of the hugewings of wrought iron was a little gate that stood ajar. This I pushedopen, and, unmolested, stepped inside. 

The trees and shrubbery hid from me the scene that was taking placeinside the little wooden door. I dashed through the underbrush andcame to the edge of a broad lawn, and there was going on as fine ascrimmage as any man could wish to see. Jem Bottles had his backagainst the wooden door, and was laying about him with a stout stick;half a dozen tall fellows in livery making a great show of attack, but keeping well out of range of his weapon. Poor Paddy had the broadof his back on the turf, and it looked like they were trying to tearthe clothes off him, for another half-dozen were on top of him; but Ican say this in his favour, Paddy was using his big feet and doinggreat execution with them. Every now and then he planted a boot in thewell-fed front of a footman or under-gardener, and sent him flying. The whole household seemed to be present, and one could hardly believethere was such a mob in a single mansion. The Earl of Westport wasthere, and who stood beside him but that little villain, Doctor Chord. 

But it was the Countess herself that was directing operations. She hadan ebony stick in her hands, and when Paddy kicked one of herunderlings the vigorous old lady smote the overturned servant to makehim to the fray again. It was an exciting scene, and Donnybrook wasnothing to it. Their backs were all toward me, and I was just bubblingwith joy to think what a surprise I was about to give them, --for Idrew my sword and had a yell of defiance on my lips, --when a cry thatnobody paid the least attention to turned my mind in another directionentirely. 

One of the first-floor windows was open, and over the sill leaned LadyMary herself, her face aflush with anger. 

"Father! Mother!" she cried. "Are not you ashamed of yourselves, making this commotion on a Sunday morning? Call the servants away fromthere! Let the two poor men go! Oh, shame, shame upon you. "

She wrung her hands, but, as I was saying, nobody paid the slightestheed to her, and I doubt if any of them heard her, for Paddy was notkeeping silence by any manner of means. He was taking the worst of allthe blows that fell on him in a vigorous outcry. 

"Murther! murther!" he shouted. "Let me on me feet, an' I'll knock yezall into the middle of county Clare. "

No one, however, took advantage of this generous offer, but they keptas clear as they could of his miscellaneous feet, and the Countesspoked him in the ribs with the point of her ebony stick whenever shewasn't laying it over the backs of her servants. 

Now, no man can ever say that I was a laggard when a goodold-fashioned contest was going on, and the less indolence wasobservable on my own part when friends of mine were engaged in thefray. Sure I was always eager enough, even when it was a stranger'sdebate, and I wonder what my father would think of me now, to see meveer from the straight course of battle and thrust my unstruck swordonce more into its scabbard. It was the face in the window that mademe forget friend and foe alike. Lady Mary was the only member of thehousehold that was not on the lawn, and was protesting unheard againstthe violence to two poor men who were there because they had beeninvited to come by the under-gardener. 

I saw in the twinkling of an eye that the house had been deserted onthe first outcry. Doors were left wide open for the whole world toenter. I dodged behind the trees, scuttled up the gravelled driveway, leaped the stone steps three at a time, and before you could say"Ballymuggins" I was in the most superb hall in which I ever set myfoot. It was a square house with the stairway in the middle. I keptin my mind's eye the direction of the window in which Lady Mary hadappeared. Quick as a bog-trotter responds to an invitation to drink, Imounted that grand stairway, turned to my right, and came to a dooropposite which I surmised was the window through which Lady Mary wasleaning. Against this door I rapped my knuckles, and speedily I heardthe sweet voice of the most charming girl in all the world demand withsomething like consternation in its tones, --

"Who is there?"

"It's me, Lady Mary!" said I. "The O'Ruddy, who begs the privilege ofa word with you. "

I heard the slam of a window being shut, then the sound of a lightstep across the floor, and after that she said with a catch in hervoice, --

"I'll be pleased you should come in, Mr. O'Ruddy. "

I tried the door, but found it locked. 

"How can I come in, Lady Mary, " says I, "if you've got bolts heldagainst me?"

"There are no bolts, " said Lady Mary; "the key should be on theoutside. I am locked in. Look for the key and open the door. "

Was ever a more delightful sentence spoken to a man? My heart was inmy throat with joy. I glanced down, and there, sure enough, stuck thekey. I turned it at once, then pulled it out of the lock and openedthe door. 

"Lady Mary, " says I, "with your permission, it seems to me a doorshould be locked from the inside. "

With that I thrust the key through the far side of the door, closedit, and locked it. Then I turned round to face her. 

The room, it was plain to be seen, was the parlour of a lady, --aboudoir, as they call it in France, a word that my father was veryfond of using, having caught it when he was on the campaign in thatdelightful country. The boudoir was full of confections and charminglittle dainties in the way of lace, and easy chairs, and bookcases, and little writing-desks, and a work-basket here and there; but thefinest ornament it possessed was the girl who now stood in the middleof the floor with a frown on her brow that was most becoming. Yes, there was a frown on her brow, although I expected a smile on her lipsbecause of the cordial invitation she had given me to come in. 

It would seem to either you or me that if a lady suffered theindignity of being locked in her room, just as if she was a child ofsix years old, she would welcome with joy the person who came andreleased her. Now, my father, who was the wisest man sinceSolomon, --and indeed, as I listened to him, I've often thought thatSolomon was overpraised, --my father used to say there was no mysteryat all about women. "You just think, " he would say, "of what asensible man would do on a certain occasion; then configure out inyour mind the very opposite, and that's what a woman will do. " A manwho had been imprisoned would have held out his hand and have said, "God bless you, O'Ruddy; but I'm glad to see you. " And here stood thisfine lady in the middle of her room, looking at me as if I were thedirt beneath her feet, and had forced my way into her presence, instead of being invited like a man of honour to enter. 

"Well, Mr. O'Ruddy, " she said, throwing back her head, haughty-like, "Why do you stand dallying in a lady's bower when your followers arebeing beaten on the lawn outside?"

I cannot give you Lady Mary's exact words, for I was so astonished attheir utterance; but I give you a very good purport of them. 

"Is it the beating of my men?" I said. "Troth, that's what I pay themfor. And whoever gives them a good drubbing saves me the trouble. Isaw they had Paddy down on the turf, but he's a son of the ould sod, and little he'll mind being thrown on his mother. But if it's JemBottles you're anxious about, truth to tell I'm more sorry for thosethat come within range of his stick than for Jem with his back to thewall. Bottles can take care of himself in any company, for he's ahighwayman in an excellent way of business. "

I always like to mention anything that's in favour of a man, and so Itold her what profession Bottles followed. She gave a toss of herhead, and gave me a look that had something like contempt in it, whichwas far from being pleasant to endure. Then she began walking up anddown the room, and it was plain to see that my Lady was far from beingpleased with me. 

"Poor fellows! Poor faithful fellows! That's what comes of having afool for a master. "

"Indeed, your ladyship, " said I, drawing myself up to my full height, which wasn't so very much short of the door itself, "there are worsethings than blows from a good honest cudgel. You might better say, 'This is what comes to a master with two fools for servants. '"

"And what comes to a master?" she demanded. "Sure no one asks you tobe here. "

"That shows how short your ladyship's memory is, " said I with someirritation. "Father Donovan used to tell me that the shortest thing inthe world was the interval between an insult and a blow in Ireland, but I think a lady's memory is shorter still. 'Turn the key and comein, ' says you. What is that, I would like to know, but an invitation. "

It appeared to me that she softened a bit, but she continued her walkup and down the room and was seemingly in great agitation. The criesoutside had stopped, but whether they had murdered both Jem Bottlesand Paddy I had no means at that moment of knowing, and I hope the twowill forgive me when I say that my thoughts were far from them. 

"You will understand, " said Lady Mary, speaking still with resentmentin her voice, "that the papers you held are the key to the situation. Have you no more sense than to trust them to the care of a red-headedclown from whom they can be taken as easy as if they were picked upoff the street?"

"Indeed, believe me, Lady Mary, that no red-headed clown has anypapers of mine. "

"Indeed, and I think you speak the true word there. The papers are nowin my father's possession, and he will know how to take care of them. "

"Well, he didn't know that the last time he had them, " I cried, feeling angry at these unjust accusations, and not being able to bearthe compliment to the old man, even if he was an Earl. "The papers, "said I, "are as easily picked from me as from the street, like youwere saying just now; but it isn't a pack of overfed flunkeys thatwill lift them from me. Lady Mary, on a previous occasion I placed thepapers in your hands; now, with your kind permission, I lay them atyour feet, "--and, saying this with the most courteous obeisance, Iknelt with one knee on the floor and placed the packet of papers whereI said I would place them. 

Now, ever since that, the Lady Mary denies that she kicked them to theother end of the room. She says that as she was walking to and fro thetoe of her foot touched the packet and sent it spinning; and, as noreal Irishman ever yet contradicted a lady, all I will say is that theprecious bundle went hurtling to the other end of the room, and it isvery likely that Lady Mary thought the gesture of her foot a trifletoo much resembled an action of her mother, the Countess, for hermanner changed in the twinkling of an eye, and she laughed like herold self again. 

"Mr. O'Ruddy, " she said, "you put me out of all patience. You're assimple as if you came out of Ireland yesterday. "

"It's tolerably well known, " said I, "by some of your expertswordsmen, that I came out the day before. "

Again Lady Mary laughed. 

"You're not very wise in the choice of your friends, " she said. 

"I am, if I can count you as one of them, " I returned. 

She made no direct reply to this, but continued:

"Can't you see that that little Doctor Chord is a traitor? He has beentelling my father all you have been doing and all you have beenplanning, and he says you are almost simple enough to have given thepapers into his own keeping no longer ago than last night. "

"Now, look you, Lady Mary, how much you misjudged me. The littlevillain asked for the papers, but he didn't get them; then he advisedme to give them to a man I could trust, and when I said the only man Icould trust was red-headed Paddy out yonder, he was delighted to thinkI was to leave them in his custody. But you can see for yourself I didnothing of the kind, and if your people thought they could getanything out of Paddy by bad language and heroic kicks they weremistaken. "

At that moment we had an interruption that brought our conversation toa standstill and Lady Mary to the door, outside which her mother wascrying, --

"Mary, Mary! where's the key?"

"Where should it be?" said Lady Mary, "but in the door. "

"It is not in the door, " said the Countess wrathfully, shaking it asif she would tear it down. 

"It is in the door, " said Lady Mary positively; and quite right shewas, for both of us were looking at it. 

"It is not in the door, " shouted her mother. "Some of the servantshave taken it away. "

Then we heard her calling over the banisters to find out who had takenaway the key of Lady Mary's room. There was a twinkle in Mary's eye, and a quiver in the corners of her pretty mouth that made me feel shewould burst out laughing, and indeed I had some ado to keep silencemyself. 

"What have you done with those two poor wretches you were maltreatingout in the garden?" asked Lady Mary. 

"Oh, don't speak of them, " cried the Countess, evidently in no goodhumour. "It was all a scandal for nothing. The red-headed beast didnot have the papers. That little fool, Chord, has misled both yourfather and me. I could wring his neck for him, and now he ispalavering your father in the library and saying he will get thepapers himself or die in the attempt. It serves us right for payingattention to a babbling idiot like him. I said in the first place thatthat Irish baboon of an O'Ruddy was not likely to give them to the apethat follows him. "

"Tare-an-ounds!" I cried, clenching my fists and making for the door;but Lady Mary rattled it so I could not be heard, and the next instantshe placed her snow-flake hand across my mouth, which was as pleasanta way of stopping an injudicious utterance as ever I had beenacquainted with. 

"Mary, " said the Countess, "your father is very much agitated anddisappointed, so I'm taking him out for a drive. I have told thebutler to look out for the key, and when he finds it he will let youout. You've only yourself to blame for being locked in, because weexpected the baboon himself and couldn't trust you in his presence. "

It was now Lady Mary's turn to show confusion at the old termagant'stalk, and she coloured as red as a sunset on the coast of Kerry. Iforgave the old hag her discourteous appellation of "baboon" becauseof the joyful intimation she gave me through the door that Lady Marywas not to be trusted when I was near by. My father used to say thatif you are present when an embarrassment comes to a lady it is wellnot to notice it, else the embarrassment will be transferred toyourself. Remembering this, I pretended not to see Lady Mary's flamingcheeks, and, begging her pardon, walked up the room and picked fromthe corner the bundle of papers which had, somehow or other comethere, whether kicked or not. I came back to where she was standingand offered them to her most respectfully, as if they, and notherself, were the subject of discussion. 

"Hush, " said Lady Mary in a whisper; "sit down yonder and see how longyou can keep quiet. "

She pointed to a chair that stood beside a beautifully polished tableof foreign wood, the like of which I had never seen before, and I, wishing very much to please her, sat down where she told me and placedthe bundle of papers on the table. Lady Mary tiptoed over, aslight-footed as a canary-bird, and sat down on the opposite side ofthe table, resting her elbows on the polished wood, and, with her chinin her hands, gazed across at me, and a most bewildering scrutiny Ifound it, rendering it difficult for me to keep quiet and seated, asshe had requested. In a minute or two we heard the crunch of wheels onthe gravel in front, then the carriage drove off, and the big gatesclanked together. 

Still Lady Mary poured the sunshine of her eyes upon me, and I hopeand trust she found me a presentable young man, for under the warmthof her look my heart began to bubble up like a pot of potatoes on astrong fire. 

"You make me a present of the papers, then?" said Lady Mary at last. 

"Indeed and I do, and of myself as well, if you'll have me. And thislatter is a thing I've been trying to say to you every time I met you, Mary acushla, and no sooner do the words come to my lips than somedoddering fool interrupts us; but now, my darling, we are alonetogether, in that lover's paradise which is always typified by alocked door, and at last I can say the things--"

Just here, as I mentioned the word "door, " there came a rap at it, andLady Mary started as if some one had fired a gun. 

"Your ladyship, " said the butler, "I cannot find the key. Shall I sendfor a locksmith?"

"Oh, no, " said Lady Mary, "do not take the trouble. I have letters towrite, and do not wish to be disturbed until my mother returns. "

"Very good, your ladyship, " returned the butler, and he walked away. 

"A locksmith!" said Lady Mary, looking across the table at me. 

"Love laughs at them, " said I. 

Lady Mary smiled very sweetly, but shook her head. 

"This is not a time for laughter, " she said, "but for seriousness. Now, I cannot risk your staying here longer, so will tell you what Ihave to say as quickly as possible. Your repeatedly interrupteddeclaration I take for truth, because the course of true love neverdid run smooth. Therefore, if you want me, you must keep the papers. "

At this I hastily took the bundle from the table and thrust it in mypocket, which action made Lady Mary smile again. 

"Have you read them?" she asked. 

"I have not. "

"Do you mean to say you have carried these papers about for so longand have not read them?"

"I had no curiosity concerning them, " I replied. "I have somethingbetter to look at, " I went on, gazing across at her; "and when that isnot with me the memory of it is, and it's little I care for a pack ofmusty papers and what's in them. "

"Then I will tell you what they are, " said Lady Mary. "There are inthat packet the title-deeds to great estates, the fairest length ofland that lies under the sun in Sussex. There is also a letter writtenby my father's own hand, giving the property to your father. "

"But he did not mean my father to keep it, " said I. 

"No, he did not. He feared capture, and knew the ransom would be heavyif they found evidence of property upon him. Now all these years hehas been saying nothing, but collecting the revenues of this estateand using them, while another man had the legal right to it. "

"Still he has but taken what was his own, " said I, "and my fathernever disputed that, always intending to come over to England andreturn the papers to the Earl; but he got lazy-like, by sitting at hisown fireside, and seldom went farther abroad than to the house of thepriest; but his last injunctions to me were to see that the Earl gothis papers, and indeed he would have had them long since if he had buttreated me like the son of an old friend. "

"Did your father mention that the Earl would give you any reward forreturning his property to him?"

"He did not, " I replied with indignation. "In Ireland, when a frienddoes a friend's part, he doesn't expect to be paid for it. "

"But don't you expect a reward for returning them?"

"Lady Mary, " said I, "do you mean to be after insulting me? Thesepapers are not mine, but the Earl of Westport's, and he can have themwithout saying as much as 'Thank you kindly' for them. "

Lady Mary leaned back in her chair and looked at me with half-closedeyes, then she stretched forth her hand and said:

"Give me the papers. "

"But it's only a minute since, " I cried, perplexed, "that you heldthem to be the key of the situation, and said if I didn't keep them Iwould never get you. "

"Did I say that?" asked Lady Mary with the innocence of athree-year-old child. "I had no idea we had come to such a conclusion. Now do you want a little advice about those same papers?"

"As long as the advice comes from you, Mary darling, I want it on anysubject. "

"You have come into England brawling, sword-playing, cudgel-flinging, and never till this moment have you given a thought to what the papersare for. These papers represent the law. "

"Bad cess to it, " said I. "My father used to say, have as little to dowith the law as possible, for what's the use of bringing your man intothe courts when a good shillelah is speedier and more satisfactory toall concerned. "

"That may be true in Ireland, but it is not true in England. Now, hereis my advice. You know my father and mother, and if you'll just quitstaring your eyes out at me, and think for a minute, you may be ableto tell when you will get their consent to pay your addresses to mewithout interruption. " Here she blushed and looked down. 

"Indeed, " said I, "I don't need to take my eyes from you to answer_that_ question. It'll be the afternoon following the Day ofJudgment. "

"Very well. You must then stand on your rights. I will give you aletter to a man in the Temple, learned in the law. He was legaladviser to my aunt, who left me all her property, and she told me thatif I ever was in trouble I was to go to him; but instead of that I'llsend my trouble to him with a letter of introduction. I advise you totake possession of the estate at Brede, and think no more of giving upthe papers to my father until he is willing to give you something inreturn. You may then ask what you like of him; money, goods, or afarm, "--and again a bright red colour flooded her cheeks. With thatshe drew toward her pen and paper and dashed off a letter which shegave to me. 

"I think, " she said, "it would be well if you left the papers with theman in the Temple; he will keep them safely, and no one will suspectwhere they are; while, if you need money, which is likely, he will beable to advance you what you want on the security of the documents youleave with him. "

"Is it money?" said I, "sure I couldn't think of drawing money onproperty that belongs to your good father, the Earl. "

"As I read the papers, " replied Lady Mary, very demurely, casting downher eyes once more, "the property does not belong to my good father, the Earl, but to the good-for-nothing young man named O'Ruddy. I thinkthat my father, the Earl, will find that he needs your signaturebefore he can call the estate his own once more. It may be I am wrong, and that your father, by leaving possession so long in the hands ofthe Earl, may have forfeited his claim. Mr. Josiah Brooks will tellyou all about that when you meet him in the Temple. You may dependupon it that if he advances you money your claim is good, and, yourclaim being good, you may make terms with even so obstreperous a manas my father. "

"And if I make terms with the father, " I cried, "do you think hiscomely daughter will ratify the bargain?"

Lady Mary smiled very sweetly, and gave me the swiftest and shyest ofglances across the table from her speaking eyes, which next instantwere hidden from me. 

"May be, " she said, "the lawyer could answer that question. "

"Troth, " I said, springing to my feet, "I know a better one to ask itof than any old curmudgeon poring over dry law-books, and the answerI'm going to have from your own lips. "

Then, with a boldness that has ever characterized the O'Ruddys, Iswung out my arms and had her inside o' them before you could sayBallymoyle. She made a bit of a struggle and cried breathlessly:

"I'll answer, if you'll sit in that chair again. "

"It's not words, " says I, "I want from your lips, but this, "--and Ismothered a little shriek with one of the heartiest kisses that evertook place out of Ireland itself, and it seemed to me that herstruggle ceased, or, as one might say, faded away, as my lips came incontact with hers; for she suddenly weakened in my arms so that I hadto hold her close to me, for I thought she would sink to the floor ifI did but leave go, and in the excitement of the moment my own headwas swimming in a way that the richest of wine had never made it swimbefore. Then Lady Mary buried her face in my shoulder with a littlesigh of content, and I knew she was mine in spite of all the Earls andCountesses in the kingdom, or estates either, so far as that went. Atlast she straightened up and made as though she would push me fromher, but held me thus at arms' length, while her limpid eyes lookedlike twin lakes of Killarney on a dreamy misty morning when there's nowind blowing. 

"O'Ruddy, " she said, solemnly, with a little catch in her voice, "you're a bold man, and I think you've no doubt of your answer; butwhat has happened makes me the more anxious for your success indealing with those who will oppose both your wishes and mine. My dearlover, is what I call you now; you have come over in tempestuousfashion, with a sword in your hand, striving against every one whowould stand up before you. After this morning, all that should bechanged, for life seems to have become serious and momentous. O'Ruddy, I want your actions to be guided, not by a drawn sword, but byreligion and by law. "

"Troth, Mary acushla, an Irishman takes to religion of his own nature, but I much misdoubt me if it comes natural to take to the law. "

"How often have you been to mass since you came to England, O'Ruddy?"

"How often?" says I, wrinkling my brow, "indeed you mean, how manytimes?"

"Yes; how many times?"

"Now, Mary, how could you expect me to be keeping count of them?"

"Has your attendance, then, been so regular?"

"Ah, Mary, darling; it's not me that has the face to tell you a lie, and yet I'm ashamed to say that I've never set foot in a church sinceI crossed the channel, and the best of luck it is for me that good oldFather Donovan doesn't hear these same words. "

"Then you will go to church this very day and pray for heaven'sblessing on both of us. "

"It's too late for the mass this Sunday, Mary, but the churches areopen, and the first one I come to will have me inside of it. "

With that she drew me gently to her, and herself kissed me, meetingnone of that resistance which I had encountered but a short timebefore; and then, as bitter ill luck would have it, at this deliciousmoment we were startled by the sound of carriage-wheels on the graveloutside. 

"Oh!" cried Lady Mary in a panic; "how time has flown!"

"Indeed, " said I, "I never knew it so fast before. "

And she, without wasting further time in talking, unlocked the door, whipped out the key, and placed it where I had found it in thebeginning. She seemed to think of everything in a moment, and I wouldhave left her letter and the papers on the table if it hadn't been forthat cleverest of all girls, who, besides her lips of honey, had analert mind, which is one of the things appreciated in Ireland. I thenfollowed her quickly down a narrow back stairway and out into a glasshouse, where a little door at the end led us into a deliciouslyshaded walk, free from all observation, with a thick screen of treeson the right hand and the old stone wall on the left. 

Here I sprang quickly to overtake her, but she danced away like afairy in the moonlight, throwing a glance of mischief over hershoulder at me, with her finger on her lips. It seemed to me a pitythat so sylvan a dell should merely be used for the purposes of speed, but in a jiffy Mary was at the little door in the wall and had thebolts drawn back, and I was outside before I understood what hadhappened, listening to bolts being thrust back again, and my onlyconsolation was the remembrance of a little dab at my lips as I passedthrough, as brief and unsatisfactory as the peck of a sparrow. 

CHAPTER XXVIII

It was a beautiful day, as lovely as any an indulgent Providence hadever bestowed upon an unthankful generation. 

Although I wished I had had an hour or two to spend with Marywandering up and down that green alley through which we had rushedwith such indecent haste, all because two aged and angry members ofthe nobility might have come upon us, yet I walked through the streetsof London as if I trod on the air, and not on the rough cobble-stonesof the causeway. It seemed as if I had suddenly become a boy again, and yet with all the strength and vigour of a man, and I was hard putto it not to shout aloud in the sunlight, or to slap on the back theslow and solemn Englishmen I met, who looked as if they had neverlaughed in their lives. Sure it's a very serious country, this sameland of England, where their dignity is so oppressive that it bowsdown head and shoulders with thinking how grand they are; and yet I'llsay nothing against them, for it was an Englishwoman that made me feellike a balloon. Pondering over the sobriety of the nation, I foundmyself in the shadow of a great church, and, remembering what my dearMary had said, I turned and went in through the open door, with myhat in my hand. It was a great contrast to the bright sunlight I hadleft, and to the busy streets with their holiday-making people. Therewere only a few scattered here and there in the dim silence of thechurch, some on their knees, some walking slowly about on tiptoe, andsome seated meditating in chairs. No service was going forward, so Iknelt down in the chapel of Saint Patrick himself; I bowed my head andthanked God for the day and for the blessing that had come with it. AsI said, I was like a boy again, and to my lips, too long held fromthem, came the prayers that had been taught me. I was glad I had notforgotten them, and I said them over and over with joy in my heart. AsI raised my head, I saw standing and looking at me a priest, and, rising to my feet, I made my bow to him, and he came forward, recognizing me before I recognized him. 

"O'Ruddy, " he said, "if you knew the joy it gives to my old heart tomeet you in this sacred place and in that devout attitude, it wouldbring some corresponding happiness to yourself. "

"Now by the piper that played before Moses, Father Donovan, and isthis yourself? Sure I disrecognized you, coming into the darkness, andme just out of the glare beyond, "--and I took his hand in both of mineand shook it with a heartiness he had not met since he left the oldturf. "Sure and there's no one I'd rather meet this day thanyourself, "--and with that I dropped on one knee and asked for hisblessing on me and mine. 

As we walked out of the church together, his hand resting on myshoulder, I asked how such a marvel came to pass as Father Donovan, who never thought to leave Ireland, being here in London. The old mansaid nothing till we were down the steps, and then he told me what hadhappened. 

"You remember Patsy O'Gorman, " he said. 

"I do that, " I replied, "and an old thief of the world and atight-fisted miser he is. "

"Whist, " said Father Donovan, quietly crossing himself. "O'Gorman isdead and buried. "

"Do you tell me that!" said I, "then rest his soul. He would be a warmman and leave more money than my father did, I'm thinking. "

"Yes, he left some money, and to me he left three hundred pounds, withthe request that I should accomplish the desire of my life and takethe pilgrimage to Rome. "

"The crafty old chap, that same bit of bequestration will help himover many a rough mile in purgatory. "

"Ah, O'Ruddy, it's not our place to judge. They gave a harder name toO'Gorman than he deserved. Just look at your own case. The storiesthat have come back to Ireland, O'Ruddy, just made me shiver. I heardthat you were fighting and brawling through England, ready to runthrough any man that looked cross-eyed at you. They said that you hadtaken up with a highwayman; that you spent your nights in drink andbreathing out smoke; and here I find you, a proper young man, doingcredit to your country, meeting you, not in a tavern, but on yourknees with bowed head in the chapel of Saint Patrick, giving the lieto the slanderer's tongue. "

The good old man stopped in our walk, and with tears in his eyes shookhands with me again, and I had not the heart to tell him the truth. 

"Ah well, " I said, "Father Donovan, I suppose nobody, except yourself, is quite as good as he thinks, and nobody, including myself, is as badas he appears to be. And now, Father Donovan, where are you stopping, and how long will you be in London?"

"I am stopping with an old college friend, who is a priest in thechurch where I found you. I expect to leave in a few days' time andjourney down to the seaport of Rye, where I am to take ship that willland me either in Dunkirk or in Calais. From there I am to make my wayto Rome as best I can. "

"And are you travelling alone?"

"I am that, although, by the blessing of God, I have made many friendson the journey, and every one I met has been good to me. "

"Ah, Father Donovan, you couldn't meet a bad man if you travelled theworld over. Sure there's some that carry such an air of blessednesswith them that every one they meet must, for very shame, show the bestof his character. With me it's different, for it seems that wherethere's contention I am in the middle of it, though, God knows, I'm aman of peace, as my father was before me. "

"Well, " said Father Donovan slowly, but with a sweet smile on his lip, "I suppose the O'Ruddys were always men of peace, for I've known thembefore now to fight hard enough to get it. "

The good father spoke a little doubtfully, as if he were not quiteapproving of our family methods, but he was a kindly man who alwaystook the most lenient view of things. He walked far with me, and thenI turned and escorted him to the place where he resided, and, biddinggood-bye, got a promise from him that he would come to the "Pig andTurnip" a day later and have a bite and sup with me, for I thoughtwith the assistance of the landlord I could put a very creditable mealbefore him, and Father Donovan was always one that relished his meals, and he enjoyed his drink too, although he was set against too much ofit. He used to say, "It's a wise drinker that knows when genialityends and hostility begins, and it's just as well to stop before youcome to the line. "

With this walking to and fro the day was near done with when I gotback to the "Pig and Turnip" and remembered that neither a bit of pignor a bit of turnip had I had all that long day, and now I wasravenous. I never knew anything make me forget my appetite before; buthere had I missed my noonday meal, and not in all my life could Iovertake it again. Sure there was many an experience crowded togetherin that beautiful Sunday, so, as I passed through the entrance to theinn I said to the obsequious landlord:

"For the love of Heaven, get placed on my table all you have in thehouse that's fit to eat, and a trifle of a bottle or two, to wash itdown with. "

So saying, I passed up the creaking old oaken stair and came to myroom, where I instantly remembered there was something else I hadforgotten. As I opened the door there came a dismal groan from Paddy, and something that sounded like a wicked oath from Jem Bottles. Poorlads! that had taken such a beating that day, such a cudgelling for mysake; and here I stood at my own door in a wonder of amazement, andsomething of fright, thinking I had heard a banshee wail. The twomisused lads had slipped out of my memory as completely as the devilslipped off Macgillicuddy Reeks into the pond beneath when SaintPatrick had sent the holy words after him. 

"Paddy, " said I, "are you hurted? Where is it you're sore?"

"Is it sore?" he groaned. "Except the soles of my feet, which theycouldn't hit with me kickin' them, there isn't an inch of me thatdoesn't think it's worse hurted than the rest. "

"It's sorry I am to hear that, " I replied, quite truthfully, "and you, Jem, how did you come off?"

"Well, I gave a better account of myself than Paddy here, for I mademost of them keep their distance from me; but him they got on the turfbefore you could say Watch me eye, and the whole boiling of them wason top of him in the twinkling of the same. "

"The whole boiling of them?" said I, as if I knew nothing of theoccurrence, "then there was more than Strammers to receive you?"

"More!" shouted Jem Bottles, "there was forty if there was one. "

Paddy groaned again at the remembrance, and moaned out:

"The whole population of London was there, and half of it on top of mebefore I could wink. I thought they would strip the clothes off me, and they nearly did it. "

"And have you been here alone ever since? Have you had nothing to eator drink since you got back?"

"Oh, " said Jem, "we had too much attention in the morning, and toolittle as the day went on. We were expecting you home, and so took theliberty of coming up here and waiting for you, thinking you might begood enough to send out for some one who would dress our wounds; butluckily that's not needed now. "

"Why is it not needed?" I asked. "I'll send at once. 

"Oh, no, " moaned Paddy, "there was one good friend that did not forgetus. "

"Well, " said Jem, "he seemed mighty afeerd of coming in. I suppose hethought it was on his advice that we went where we did, and he wasafeerd we thought badly of him for it; but of course we had no blameto put on the poor little man. "

"In Heaven's name, who are you talking of?" said I. 

"Doctor Chord, " answered Jem. "He put his head inside the door andinquired for us, and inquired specially where you were; but that, ofcourse, we couldn't tell him. He was very much put out to find usmis-handled, and he sent us some tankards of beer, which are nowempty, and we're waiting for him because he promised to come back andattend to our injuries. "

"Then you didn't see Doctor Chord in the gardens?"

"In what gardens?" asked Bottles. 

"You didn't see him among that mob that set on you?"

"No fear, " said Jem, "wherever there is a scrimmage Doctor Chord willkeep away from it. "

"Indeed and in that you're wrong, " said I. "Doctor Chord has been theinstigator of everything that has happened, and he stood in thebackground and helped to set them on. "

Paddy sat up with wild alarm in his eyes. 

"Sure, master, " says he, "how could you see through so thick a wall asthat?"

"I did not see through the wall at all; I was in the house. When youwent through the back door, I went through the front gate, and what Iam telling you is true. Doctor Chord is the cause of the wholecommotion. That's why he was afraid to come in the room. He thoughtperhaps you had seen him, and, finding you had not, he'll be back hereagain when everything is over. Doctor Chord is a traitor, and you maytake my word for that. "

Paddy rose slowly to his feet, every red hair in his head bristlingwith scorn and indignation; but as he stood erect he put his hand tohis side and gave a howl as he limped a step or two over the floor. 

"The black-hearted villain, " he muttered through his teeth. "I'll havehis life. "

"You'll have nothing of the sort, " said I, "and we'll get some goodattendance out of him, for he's a skillful man. When he has done hisduty in repairing what he has inflicted upon you, then you can givehim a piece of your mind. "

"I'll give him a piece of my boot; all that's left of it, " growled JemBottles, scowling. 

"You may take your will of him after he has put some embrocation onyour bruises, " said I; and as I was speaking there came a timorouslittle knock at the door. 

"Come in, " I cried, and after some hesitation the door opened, andthere stood little Doctor Chord with a big bottle under his arm. I wasglad there was no supper yet on the table, for if there had been Imust have asked the little man to sit down with me, and that he woulddo without a second's hesitation, so I could not rightly see himmaltreated who had broken a crust with me. 

He paid no attention to Jem or Paddy at first, but kept his cunninglittle eye on me. 

"And where have you been to-day, O'Ruddy?" he asked. 

"Oh, " said I, "I accompanied these two to the door in the wall, andwhen they got through I heard yells fit to make a hero out of anigger; but you know how stout the bolts are and I couldn't get tothem, so I had just to go out of hearing of their bellowings. On theway back I happened to meet an old friend of mine, Father Donovan, and--"

Here Paddy, forgetting his good manners, shouted out:

"Thank God there's a holy father in this hole of perdition; for I knowI'm goin' t' die to-morrow at the latest. "

"Stop your nonsense, " said I. "You'll have to hold on to life at leasta day longer; for the good father is not coming here until two daysare past. You're more frightened than hurt, and the Doctor here has alotion that will make you meet the priest as a friend and not as alast counsellor. "

"As I was saying, Doctor Chord, I met Father Donovan, and we strolledabout the town, so that I have only now just come in. The father is astranger in London, on a pilgrimage to Rome. And sure I had to showhim the sights. "

"It was a kindly action of you, " said Doctor Chord, pulling the corkof the medicine-bottle. "Get those rags off, " he called to Paddy, "and I'll rub you down as if you were the finest horse that everfollowed the hounds. "

There was a great smell of medicine in the air as he lubricated Paddyover the bruised places; then Jem Bottles came under his hands, andeither he was not so much hurt as Paddy was, or he made less fussabout it, for he glared at the Doctor all the time he was attendinghim, and said nothing. 

It seemed an inhospitable thing to misuse a man who had acted the goodSamaritan so arduously as the little Doctor with three quarters of hisbottle gone, but as he slapped the cork in it again I stepped to thedoor and turned the key. Paddy was scowling now and then, and groaningnow and again, when the cheerful Doctor said to him, as is the waywith physicians when they wish to encourage a patient:

"Oh, you're not hurt nearly as bad as you think you are. You'll be alittle sore and stiff in the morning, that's all, and I'll leave thebottle with you. "

"You've never rubbed me at all on the worst place, " said Paddyangrily. 

"Where was that?" asked Doctor Chord, --and the words were hardly outof his mouth when Paddy hit him one in the right eye that sent himstaggering across the room. 

"There's where I got the blow that knocked me down, " cried Paddy. 

Doctor Chord threw a wild glance at the door, when Jem Bottles, with alittle run and a lift of his foot, gave him one behind that caused theDoctor to turn a somersault. 

"Take that, you thief, " said Jem; "and now you've something thatneither of us got, because we kept our faces to the villains that seton us. "

Paddy made a rush, but I cried:

"Don't touch the man when he's down. "

"Sure, " says Paddy, "that's when they all fell on me. "

"Never strike a man when he's down, " I cried. 

"Do ye mean to say we shouldn't hit a man when he's down?" asked JemBottles. 

"You knew very well you shouldn't, " I told him. "Sure you've been inthe ring before now. "

"That I have, " shouted Bottles, pouncing on the unfortunate Doctor. Hegrabbed him by the scruff of the neck and flung him to his feet, thengave him a bat on the side of the head that sent him reeling up towardthe ceiling again. 

"That's enough, Jem, " I cautioned him. 

"I'm not only following the Doctor, " said Jem, "but I'm following theDoctor's advice. He told us to take a little gentle exercise and itwould allay the soreness. "

"The exercise you're taking will not allay the soreness on theDoctor's part. Stop it, Jem! Now leave him alone, Paddy; he's hadenough to remember you by, and to learn that the way of the traitor isthe rocky road to Dublin. Come now, Doctor, the door is open; get outinto the passage as quick as you can, and I hope you have anotherbottle of that excellent lotion at home. "

The threatening attitude of both Jem and Paddy seemed to paralyse thelittle man with fear, and he lay on the boards glaring up at them withterror in his eyes. 

"I'm holding the door open for you, " said I, "and remember I may notbe able to hold Paddy and Jem as easily as I hold the door; so makeyour escape before they get into action again. "

Doctor Chord rolled himself over quickly, but, not daring to get onhis feet, trotted out into the passage like a big dog on his hands andknees; and just then a waiter, coming up with a tray and not countingon this sudden apparition in the hallway, fell over him; and if itwere not for my customary agility and presence of mind in grasping thebroad metal server, a good part of my supper would have been on thefloor. The waiter luckily leaned forward when he found himselffalling, holding the tray high over his head, and so, seizing it, Isaved the situation and the supper. 

"What are ye grovelling down there for, ye drunken beast?" shouted theangry waiter, as he came down with a thud. "Why don't you walk on yourtwo feet like a Christian?"

Doctor Chord took the hint and his departure, running along thepassage and stumbling down the stairway like a man demented. When hegot down into the courtyard he shook his fist at my window and sworehe would have the law of us; but I never saw the little man again, although Paddy and Jem were destined to meet him once more, as I shalltell later on. 

The supper being now laid, I fell at it and I dis-remember having everenjoyed a meal more in my life. I sent Paddy and Jem to their quarterswith food and a bottle of good wine to keep them company, and I thinkthey deserved it, for they said the lotion the Doctor had put on theoutside of them was stinging, so they thought there should besomething in the inside to counteract the inconvenience. 

I went to sleep the moment I touched the pillow, and dreamed I was inthe most umbrageous lover's walk that ever was, overhung with greenbranches through which the sunlight flickered, and closed in withshrubbery. There I chased a flying nymph that always just eluded me, laughing at me over her shoulder and putting her finger to her lips, and at last, when I caught her, it turned out to be Doctor Chord, whereupon I threw him indignantly into the bushes, and then saw to mydismay it was the Countess. She began giving her opinion of me sovigorously that I awoke and found it broad daylight. 

CHAPTER XXIX

After a comforting and sustaining breakfast I sent for Paddy and Jem, both of whom came in limping. 

"Are you no better this morning?" I asked them. 

"Troth, we're worse, " said Paddy with a most dismal look on his face. 

"I'm sorry to hear it, " said I; "but I think the trouble will wear offto-day if you lie snug and quiet in the inn. Here's this bottle ofembrocation, or what is left of it, so you may take it with you anddivide it fairly between you, remembering that one good rub deservesanother, and that our chief duty on this earth is to help our fellowman; and as there's nothing like easy employment for making a manforget his tribulations, Jem will rub Paddy, and Paddy will rub Jem, and thus, God blessing you both, you will pass the time to your mutualbenefit. "

"Yer honour, " sniffed Jem Bottles, "I like your own prescriptionsbetter than Doctor Chord's. I have but small faith in the liniment;the bottle of wine you gave us last night--and I wish it had been asdouble as it made us see--was far better for our trouble than thisstuff. "

"I doubt it, Jem, " said I, "for you're worse this morning than youwere last night; so I'll change the treatment and go back to DoctorChord's remedy, for sure the Doctor is a physician held in high esteemby the nobility of London. But you're welcome to a double mug of beerat my expense, only see that you don't take too much of that. "

"Yer honour, " said Jem, "it's only when we're sober that we fall uponaffliction. We had not a drop to drink yesterday morning, and see whathappened us. "

"It would have made no differ, " I said, "if you had been as tipsy asthe Earl himself is when dinner's over. Trust in Providence, Jem, andrub hard with the liniment, and you'll be a new man by the morrowmorn. "

With this I took my papers and the letter of introduction, and set outas brave as you please to find the Temple, which I thought would be asort of a church, but which I found to be a most sober and respectableplace very difficult for a stranger to find his way about in. But atlast I came to the place where Mr. Josiah Brooks dispensed the law fora consideration to ignorant spalpeens like myself, that was lessfamiliar with the head that had a gray wig on than with cracking headsby help of a good shillelah that didn't know what a wig was. As it wasearlier in the morning than Mr. Brooks's usual hour I had to sitkicking my heels in a dismal panelled anteroom till the great lawyercame in. He was a smooth-faced serious-looking man, rather elderly, and he passed through the anteroom without so much as casting a lookat me, and was followed by a melancholy man in rusty black who hadtold me to take a chair, holding in his hand the letter Lady Mary hadwritten. After a short time the man came out again, and, treating mewith more deference than when he bade me be seated, asked me kindlyif I would step this way and Mr. Brooks would see me. 

"You are Mr. O'Ruddy, I take it, " he said in a tone which I think hethought was affable. 

"I am. "

"Have you brought with you the papers referred to in this letter?"

"I have. "

And with that I slammed them down on the table before him. He untiedthe bundle and sorted out the different documents, apparently placingthem in their right order. After this he adjusted his glasses more tohis liking and glanced over the papers rapidly until he came to onethat was smaller than the rest, and this he read through twice verycarefully. Then he piled them up together at his right hand veryneatly, for he seemed to have a habit of old maid's precision abouthim. He removed his glasses and looked across the table at me. 

"Are you the son of the O'Ruddy here mentioned?"

"I am. "

"His eldest son?"

"His only son. "

"You can prove that, I suppose?"

"Troth, it was never disputed. "

"I mean there would be no difficulty in getting legal and documentaryproof. "

"I think not, for my father said after my first fight, that it mightbe questioned whether I was my mother's son or no, --there was no doubtthat I was his. "

The legal man drew down his brows at this, but made no comment as, intones that betrayed little interest in the affair, he demanded:

"Why did your father not claim this property during his lifetime?"

"Well, you see, Mr. Brooks, my father was an honest man, and he neverpretended the property was his. From what I remember of hisconversation on the subject the Earl and him was in a tight placeafter a battle in France, and it was thought they would both be madeprisoners. The Earl had his deeds with him, and if he were caught theenemy would demand a large ransom for him, for these would show him tobe a man of property. So he made the estate over to my father, and myfather ran the risk of being captured and taken for the Earl ofWestport. Now that I have been made happy by the acquaintance of hislordship, I'm thinking that if my father had fallen into the hands ofthe enemy he might have remained there till this day without the Earlraising a hand to help him. Nobody in England would have disputed theEarl's ownership of his own place, which I understand has been in hisfamily for hundreds of years, so they might very well have got onwithout the deeds, as in fact they have done. That's all I know aboutit. "

"Then, sir, " said Mr. Brooks, "do you intend to contest the ownershipof the property on the strength of these documents?"

"I do, " said I firmly. 

"Very well. You must leave them with me for a few days until I getopinion upon them. I may say I have grave doubts of your succeeding insuch litigation unless you can prove that your father gave reasonableconsideration for the property made over to him. "

"Troth, he'd no consideration to give except his own freedom and theloan of a pair of breeches, and it seems that the Earl never troubledhis head whether he gave the first-named or not. He might have givenhis life for all the thanks his son got from my Lord of Westport. "

"From a rapid glance at these instruments I can see that they may beof great value to his lordship, but I doubt their being of any valueat all to you; in fact you might find the tables turned upon you, andbe put in the position of a fraudulent claimant or a levier ofblackmail. "

"It's not blackmail I'm going to levy at all, " cried I, "but thewhitest of white mail. I have not the slightest intention of goinginto the courts of law; but, to tell you the plain truth about it, Lady Mary and me are going to get married in spite of all the Earlsthat ever drank, or all the Countesses that ever scolded. Now thisdear girl has a great confidence in you, and she has sent me to you tofind what's best to be done. I want nothing of this property at all. Sure I've estates enough of my own in Ireland, and a good castleforby, save that the roof leaks a little in places; but a bundle ofstraw will soon set that to rights, only old Patsy is so lazy throughnot getting his money regular. Now it struck me that if I went boldlyto Brede Castle, or whatever it is, and took possession of it, therewould first be the finest scrimmage any man ever saw outside ofIreland, and after that his lordship the Earl would say to me, --

"'O'Ruddy, my boy, my limbs are sore; can't we crack a bottle insteadof our heads over this, and make a compromise?'

"'Earl of Westport, ' I'll say to him, 'a bottle will be but thebeginning of it. We'll sit down at a table and settle this debate inten minutes if you're reasonable. '

"He'll not be reasonable, of course, but you see what I have in mymind. "

"Brede Place, " said the lawyer slowly, "is not exactly a castle, butit's a very strong house and might be held by a dozen determined menagainst an army. "

"Then once let me get legally inside, and I'll hold it till the Earlgets more sense in his head than is there at the present moment. "

"Possession, " said Mr. Brooks, "is nine points of the law. "

"It is with a woman, " said I, thinking of something else. 

"It is with an estate, " answered Josiah severely. 

"True for you, " I admitted, coming back to the point at issue, for itwas curious, in spite of the importance of the interview, how my mindkept wandering away to a locked room in the Earl of Westport's house, and to a shady path that ran around the edge of his garden. 

"I intend to get possession of the Brede estate if I have to crack thecrown of every man at present upon it. But I am an Irishman, andtherefore a person of peace, and I wish to crack the crowns inaccordance with the law of England, so I come to you for directionshow it should be done. "

"It is not my place, " said Brooks, looking very sour, "to counsel aman to break either heads or the law. In fact it is altogether illegalto assault another unless you are in danger of your own life. "

"The blessing of all the Saints be upon you, " said I, "yet, ever sinceI set foot in this land, coming across the boiling seas, entirely todo a kindness to the Earl of Westport, I have gone about in fear of mylife. "

"You have surely not been assaulted?" demanded Mr. Brooks, raising hiseyebrows in surprise. 

"Assaulted, is it? I have been set upon in every manner that ispossible for a peace-lover to be interfered with. To tell you thetruth, no longer ago than yesterday morning, as quiet and decent aSunday as ever came down on London, my two innocent servants, garrulous creatures that wouldn't hurt a fly, were lured into the highwalled garden of the Earl of Westport to see the flowers which both ofthem love, and there they were pounced upon by the whole body-guard ofmy lord the Earl, while himself and his quiet-mannered Countess werethere to urge them on. Doctor Chord, a little snobbish creature, basking in the smiles of their noble countenances, stood by and gavemedical advice showing where best to hit the poor innocentunfortunates that had fallen into their hands. "

"Tut, tut!" said Josiah Brooks, his face frowning like a storm-cloudover the hills of Donegal. "If such is indeed the case, an actionwould lie--"

"Oh, well and as far as that goes, so would Doctor Chord, and all therest that was there. My poor lads lie now, bruised and sore, in theupper rooms of the stable at the 'Pig and Turnip. ' They want no moreaction, I can tell you, nor lying either. "

"You can prove, then, " said the lawyer, "that you have sufferedviolence from the outset. "

"Indeed and I could. "

"Well, well, we must look into the matter. You recite a most curiousaccumulation of offences, each of which bears a serious penaltyaccording to the law of England. But there is another matter mentionedin Lady Mary's letter which is even more grave than any yet alludedto. "

"And what is that?" I asked in surprise. 

"She says that she wishes to have advanced to you, upon the securityof these papers, five hundred golden guineas. "

"Do you tell me that now?" I cried with delight. "Sure I have alwayssaid that Mary was the most sensible girl within the boundaries ofthis realm. "

"That may all be; but women, you see, know little of money or themethods of obtaining it. "

"You're right in that, " I admitted. "It's the other end of the stickthey hold; they know a good deal of the way of spending it. "

"You will understand, " went on Mr. Brooks, "that if money is to beraised on the security of these documents, your rights in possessingthem must be severely scrutinized, while--you will pardon my sayingso--the security of your estates in Ireland might be looked at askanceby the money-lenders of London. "

"Oh, don't let the estates in Ireland trouble you, for themoney-lenders of Dublin have already mortgaged them a foot deep. Youcan raise little on my estates in Ireland but the best turf you everburned, and that's raised with a spade. "

"Very well, " said Josiah Brooks, gathering up the papers and tyingthem together with a bit of red ribbon which he took out of hisdrawer, ignoring the Irish cord that had held them through all theiremergencies. "Very well, I shall seek advice and let you know theresult. "

"Seek advice, " I cried. "Sure a man of your attainments doesn't needto seek advice of any one. Aren't you learned in the law yourself?"

"I must have counsel's opinion, " said Josiah solemnly, as if he werespeaking of the decisions of Providence. 

"Well, you astonish me, Mr. Brooks, for I thought you knew it all, andthat's why I came to you; but perhaps it's only your own modesty thatmakes you reluctant to speak of your attainments, though I supposewhat you really mean is that you want to take a pipe in your mouth anda glass of good liquor at your elbow and read the papers at yourleisure. "

Mr. Josiah Brooks was a solemn man, and he did not appear to relishthe picture I so graphically drew of him, when in truth I was thinkingonly of his own comfort; so I changed the subject with an alertness ofmind which perhaps he was incapable of appreciating. 

"How far from London is this estate of Brede?" I asked, "and how doyou get to it?"

"It is fifty or sixty miles away, " he said, "and lies in the county ofSussex, close to the sea, but not on it. If you wish to visit Bredeestate, " he went on, as if I had not been telling him I was going todo that very thing in force, "if you wish to visit Brede estate, thebest plan is to go to Rye and there engage a guide who will lead youto it. "

"Rye, " said I in astonishment, wondering where I had heard the namebefore; then, suddenly remembering, I said:

"Rye is a seaport town, is it not?"

"It is, " agreed Mr. Brooks. 

"Rye is the spot, " rejoined I, "where Father Donovan will embark onhis pilgrimage to Rome. Sure, and I'm glad to hear that, for the goodold man and I will travel there together, and the blessing ofProvidence will surround me, which I hope will be helpful if theEarl's cut-throats bar the way, as is more than likely. "

"Very well, Mr. O'Ruddy, as you are doubtless impatient to know theresult, you may call upon me to-morrow afternoon at four o'clock, andI may be in a position to give you more information than I can offerat present. "

I took that as a dismissal, and, getting up, shook him warmly by thehand, although his arm was as stiff as a pump handle, and he seemed totake little pleasure in the farewell. And so I left the Temple, thatwas as lonely as the road between Innishannon and the sea, and trudgedout into Fleet Street, which was as lively as Skibbereen Fair. I wasso overjoyed to find that my journey lay in the same direction asFather Donovan's that I tramped on westward till after some trouble Ifound the priest's house in which he was stopping, to tell the goodfather that I would go part of the way to Rome with him. He was indeeddelighted to see me, and introduced me to his host, Father Kilnane, nearly as fine a man and as good a priest as Father Donovan himself. 

We had dinner there all together at mid-day, and I invited FatherDonovan to come out and see the town with me, which he did. Thepeaceful father clung to my arm in a kind of terror at what he waswitnessing, for he was as innocent of the ways of a big town as if hehad been a gossoon from a hedge-school in Ireland. Yet he was mightilyinterested in all he saw, and asked me many thousand questions thatday, and if I did not know the correct answer to them, it made nodiffer to Father Donovan, for he did not know the answer himself andtook any explanation as if it was as true as the gospels he studiedand preached. 

Daylight was gone before we got back to the house he lodged in, andnothing would do but I must come in and have a bit of supper, althoughI told him that supper would be waiting for me at the "Pig andTurnip. " It had been agreed between us that we would travel togetheras far as Rye, and that there I should see him off on his tempestuousvoyage to Dunkirk or Calais, as the case might be. The old man wasmightily delighted to find that our ways lay together through thesouth of England. He was pleased to hear that I had determined on myrights through the courts of law, with no more sword-playing andviolence, which, to tell the truth, until it reached its height, theold man was always against; although, when a quarrel came to itsutmost interesting point, I have seen Father Donovan fidget in hiscassock, and his eyes sparkle with the glow of battle, although uptill then he had done his best to prevent the conflict. 

It was getting late when I neared the "Pig and Turnip, " and there wasa good deal of turmoil in the streets. I saw one or two prettydebates, but, remembering my new resolution to abide by law and order, I came safely past them and turned up the less-frequented street thatheld my inn, when at the corner, under the big lamp, a young man withsomething of a swagger about him, in spite of the meanness of hisdress, came out from the shadow of the wall and looked me hard in theface. 

"Could you direct me, sir, to a hostelry they call the 'Pig andTurnip'?" he asked with great civility. 

"If you will come with me, " said I, "I'll bring you to the placeitself, for that's where I'm stopping. "

"Is it possible, " he said, "that I have the honour of addressing TheO'Ruddy?"

"That great privilege is yours, " said I, coming to a standstill in themiddle of the street, as I saw the young man had his sword drawn andpressed close against his side to allay suspicion. I forgot all aboutlaw and order, and had my own blade free of the scabbard on theinstant; but the young man spoke smoothly and made no motion ofattack, which was very wise of him. 

"Mr. O'Ruddy, " he says, "we are both men of the world and sensible menand men of peace. Where two gentlemen, one down on his luck and theother in prosperity, have a private matter to discuss between them, Ithink this discussion should take place quietly and in even tones ofvoice. "

"Sir, " said I, giving my sword-hand a little shake, so that the weaponsettled down into its place, "Sir, you express my sentiments exactly, and as you are a stranger to me perhaps you will be good enough toannounce the subject that concerns us. "

"I may say at the outset, " he remarked almost in a whisper, so politehe was, "that I have eight good swordsmen at my back, who are notvisible until I give the signal; therefore you see, sir, that yourchances are of the slightest if I should be compelled to call uponthem. I know the fame of The O'Ruddy as a swordsman, and you may takeit as a compliment, sir, that I should hesitate to meet you alone. Somuch for saving my own skin, but I am a kindly man and would like tosave your skin as well. Therefore if you will be kind enough to handto me the papers which you carry in your pocket, you will put me understrong obligations, and at the same time sleep peaceably to-night atthe 'Pig and Turnip' instead of here in the gutter, to be picked up bythe watch, for I can assure you, sir, as a man that knows the town, the watch will not be here to save you whatever outcry you may make. "

"I am obliged to you, sir, for your discourse and your warning, toboth of which I have paid strict attention; and in the interests ofthat peace which we are each of us so loath to break I may announce toyou that the papers you speak of are not in my possession. "

"Pardon me, sir, but they must be; for we have searched your roomthoroughly, and we have also searched your servants. "

"A thief of the night, " cried I with mighty indignation, "may easilysearch an honest man's room; and his poor servants, beaten and bruisedby your master's orders, would fall easy victims to the strength andnumbers of your ruffians; but you will find it a difficult matter tosearch me. "

"Sir, " he replied, bowing as polite as Palermo, "I grieve to statethat you are in error. The searching of both your servants and yourrooms was accomplished, not through the employment of force, but bythe power of money. Your servants insisted they had nothing on theirpersons but liniment, and they accepted one gold piece each to allowme to verify their statements. Another gold piece gave me, for a time, the freedom of your room. If you have not the papers upon you, thenthere is no harm in allowing me to run my hand over your clothes, because the package is a bulky one and I will speedily corroborateyour statement. "

"Sir, " said I, not to be outdone in courtesy by this gentleman of thegutter, "I will tell you truthfully that I have nothing on me but mysword, and to that you are quite welcome if you leave to me the choiceof which end I hold and which I present to you, "--and with that Isprang with my back to the wall, under the lamp, leaving myselfpartially in shadow, but having spread in front of me a semicircle oflight which any assailant attacking must cross, or indeed remain inits effulgence if he would keep free of the point of my blade. 

"It grieves me to find that you are a man of violence, " replied thescoundrel in the mildest of tones, "and you will bear witnessafterward that I did my best to keep you from harm. "

"I freely acknowledge it now, " said I. "Bring on your men. "

To tell the truth, I had no belief at all in the existence of his force, and thought he was playing a game on me, hoping to take me unawares; forif the man knew anything at all he must have known what a swordsman Iwas, and it was no charge of cowardice against him that he was loath tocome to close quarters with me. I speedily discovered, however, that allhe said was true; for he gave a low whistle, and out of the darknessinstantly sprang seven or eight as malicious-looking villains as a manwould care to see, each one with a sword in his hand. 

As many erroneous and exaggerated accounts of this encounter have beengiven in the coffee-houses, and even in the public prints, it is wellthat I should now tell the truth about it. No man that has the hang ofhis blade need fear the onset of a mob except in one case, and that isthis, --if the whole eight set upon me at once with every swordextended, there was a chance that though I might, by great expertness, disable half of them, the other half would run me through. But itshould never be forgotten that these men were fighting for money, andI was fighting for my life, and that makes all the difference in theworld. Each man makes a show of attack, but he holds off, hoping thatone of the others will dare to thrust. This is fatal to success, butnot necessarily fatal to their intended victim. An active man with awall at his back can generally account for all that comes in front ofhim if he is deeply in earnest and has not too much liquor in him. Itastonished London that I was able to defeat eight men, each one ofwhom was armed as efficiently as myself; but, as my father used tosay, if you are not wholly taken up with the determination to have aman's life, you may pink him in what spot you choose if you give alittle thought to the matter. The great object is the disarming of theenemy. Now, if you give a man a jab in the knuckles, or if you runyour blade delicately up his arm from the wrist to the elbow, this iswhat happens. The man involuntarily yells out, and as involuntarilydrops his sword on the flags. If you prick a man on the knuckle-bone, he will leave go his sword before he has time to think, it being anaction entirely unconscious on his part, just like winking your eye ordrawing your breath; yet I have seen men run through the body who keptsword in hand and made a beautiful lunge with it even as theystaggered across the threshold of death's door. 

Now I had no desire for any of these men's lives, but I determined tohave their swords. I glittered my own shining blade before their eyes, flourishing a semicircle with it, and making it dart here and therelike the tongue of an angry snake; and instantly every man in front ofme felt uncomfortable, not knowing where the snake was going to sting, and then, as I said before, they were fighting for money and not forhonour. When I had dazzled their eyes for a moment with thissword-play and bewildered their dull brains, I suddenly changed mytactics and thrust forward quicker than you can count one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, --and each man was holding a bleedingfist to his mouth, while the swords clattered on the cobbles like hailon the copper roof of a cathedral. It was the most beautiful andcomplete thing I ever saw. I then swept the unarmed men back a pace ortwo with a flirt of my weapon, and walked up the pavement, kicking theswords together till they lay in a heap at my feet. The chief ruffianstood there dazed, with his sword still in his hand, for he hadstepped outside the circle, he acting as captain, and depending on themen to do the work. 

"Drop that, " I shouted, turning on him, and he flung his sword in thestreet as if it was red hot. 

"Sir, " said I to him, "a sword in your hand is merely aninconvenience to you; see if you don't look better with an armful ofthem. Pick up these nine blades in a bundle and walk on before me tothe 'Pig and Turnip. ' When we come into the courtyard of that tavern, you are to turn round and make me the lowest bow you can withoutrubbing your nose against the pavement. Then you will say, asgracefully as the words can be uttered:

"'Mr. O'Ruddy, ' you say, 'these swords are yours by right of conquest. You have defeated nine armed men to-night in less than as manyminutes, so I present you with the spoil. ' Then you will bow to thepeople assembled in the courtyard, --for there is aways a mob of themthere, late and early, --and you will make another low obeisance to me. If you do all this acceptably to my sense of politeness, I will letyou go unmolested; but if you do otherwise, I will split your gulletfor you. "

"Sir, " said the captain, "I accept your terms. "

With that he stooped and picked up the bundle of weapons, marching onstolidly before me till he came to the "Pig and Turnip. " All the resthad disappeared in the darkness, and had gone to their dens, verylikely to nurse sore knuckles and regret the loss of good stoutblades. 

Our coming to the tavern caused a commotion, as you may well imagine;and although I don't make too much of the encounter, yet it is mybelief that such an incident never happened in London before. Thecaptain carried out his part of the presentation with an air ofdeference and a choice of good language that charmed me; then hebacked out under the archway to the street, bowing six or seven timesas he went. I had never any fault to find with the man's manner. Paddyand Jem, now seemingly quite recovered from their misusage of Sunday, stood back of the group with eyes and mouths open, gazing upon me withan admiration I could not but appreciate. 

"Come out of that, " said I, "and take this cutlery up to my room, " andthey did. 

I sat down at the table and wrote a letter to Mr. Brooks. 

"Sir, " said I in it, "I don't know whether I am plaintiff or defendantin the suit that's coming on, but whichever it is here's a bundle oflegal evidence for your use. You mentioned the word 'violence' to mewhen I had the pleasure of calling on you. This night I was set uponby nine ruffians, who demanded from me the papers now in yourpossession. I took their knives from them, so they would not hurtthemselves or other people, and I send you these knives to be filedfor reference. "

I tied up the swords in two bundles, and in the morning sent Paddy andJem off with them and the letter to the Temple, which caused greatcommotion in that peaceable quarter of the city, and sent forth therumour that all the lawyers were to be at each other's throats nextday. 

CHAPTER XXX

In the afternoon I went slowly to the Temple, thinking a good deal onthe way. It's truth I tell, that in spite of the victory of the nightbefore I walked to the Temple rather downhearted. Whether JosiahBrooks was an attorney, or a barrister, or a solicitor, or a plainlawyer, I don't know to this day, and I never could get my mind tograsp the distinction that lies between those names in that trade; butwhichever it was it seemed to me he was a cold, unenthusiastic man, and that he thought very little indeed of my game. There is smallpleasure in litigation in England as compared with the delight of thelaw in the old Ark. If I had gone to see a lawyer in Dublin or Cork hewould have been wild with excitement before I had got half through mystory. He would have slapped me on the back and shook me by the hand, and cried "Whurroo" at the prospect of a contest. My quarrel wouldhave been his before I had been ten minutes in his presence, and hewould have entered into the spirit of the fight as if he were theprincipal in it instead of merely acting for him; but in this gloomycountry of England, where they engage upon a lawsuit, not withdelight, but as if they were preparing for a funeral; there is noenjoyment in the courts at all at all. I wished I could transfer thecase to the old turf, where there is more joy in being defeated thanthere is in winning in England; for I have seen the opposing lawyersrise from the most gentlemanly and elegant language you ever heard toa heated debate; then fling books at each other, and finally clench, while the judge stood up and saw fair play. But this man Brooks was socalm and collected and uninterested that he fairly discouraged me, andI saw that I was going to get neither the money I needed nor thesupport I expected from him. 

As I went up his dark stairway in the Temple and came to the passagethat led to the outer room, I saw standing in a corner the two bundlesof swords I had sent him, as if he had cast them out, which indeed hehad done. After some delay in the outer room, the melancholy man inrusty black asked me, would I go in, and there sat Josiah Brooks athis table as if he had never left it since I took my departure the daybefore. He looked across at me with a scrutiny which seemed to bemingled with dislike and disapproval. 

"Mr. O'Ruddy, " he said, quiet-like, "it is not customary to send to alaw office a number of swords, which are entirely out of place in suchrooms. They have been counted and are found to number nine. I shall beobliged if you sign this receipt for them, accept delivery of thesame, and remove them from the premises at your earliest convenience. "

So I signed the receipt without a word and handed it back to him. ThenI said, --

"I will send my servant for the swords as soon as I return to theinn. "

He inclined his head the merest trifle, drew some papers toward him, and adjusted his glasses. 

"It is my duty to tell you, Mr. O'Ruddy, that if you go into thecourts with this case you will assuredly be defeated, and the costswill follow. There is also a possibility that when the civilproceedings are determined a criminal action against yourself mayensue. "

"I told you, sir, " said I, with my heart sinking, "I had no intentionof troubling the courts at all at all. In the land I come from we aremore inclined to settle a case with a good stout blackthorn than withthe aid of a lawyer's wig. These papers say in black and white that Iam the owner of Brede estate, and I intend to take possession of it. "

"It is only right to add, " continued Brooks, with that great air ofcalm I found so exasperating, "it is only right to add that you are ina position to cause great annoyance to the Earl of Westport. You canat least cast doubt on his title to the estate; and he stands thisjeopardy, that if contrary to opinion your cause should provesuccessful, --and we must never forget that the law is veryuncertain, --the Earl would have to account for the moneys he has drawnfrom the estate, which would run into many thousands of pounds, and, together with the loss of the property, would confront his lordshipwith a most serious situation. Your case, therefore, though weak froma strictly legal point of view, is exceptionally strong as a basis forcompromise. "

These words cheered me more than I can say, and it is an extraordinaryfact that his frozen, even tone, and his lack of all interest in theproceedings had an elevating effect upon my spirits which I could nothave believed possible. 

"As it is a compromise that I'm after, " said I, "what better case canwe want?"

"Quite so, " he resumed; "but as there is no encouragement in thestrictly legal aspect of the plea, you will understand that nomoney-lender in London will advance a farthing on such unstablesecurity. Even though I am acting in your interests, I could not takethe responsibility of advising any capitalist to advance money on suchuncertain tenure. "

This threw me into the depths again; for, although I never care tomeet trouble half way, I could not conceal from myself the fact thatmy bill at the "Pig and Turnip" had already reached proportions whichleft me no alternative but to slip quietly away in liquidation of theaccount. This was a thing I never liked to do; and when I am compelledto make that settlement I always take note of the amount, so that Imay pay it if I am ever that way again and have more money than I needat the moment. Even if I succeeded in getting away from the inn, whatcould I do at Brede with no money at all?--for in that part of thecountry they would certainly look upon the Earl of Westport as thereal owner of the property, and on me as a mere interloper; and if Icould not get money on the documents in London, there was littlechance of getting credit even for food at Brede. 

"It is rather a blue look-out then, " said I as cheerfully as I could. 

"From a legal standpoint it is, " concurred Mr. Brooks, as unconcernedas if his own payment did not depend on my raising the wind with thesepapers. "However, I have been instructed by a person who need not benamed, who has indeed stipulated that no name shall be mentioned, toadvance you the sum of five hundred guineas, which I have here in mydrawer, and which I will now proceed to count out to you if you, inthe mean time, will sign this receipt, which acquits me of allresponsibility and certifies that I have handed the money over to youwithout rebate or reduction. "

And with that the man pulled open a drawer and began to count out theglittering gold. 

I sprang to my feet and brought my fist down on the table with athump. "Now, by the Great Book of Kells, what do you mean by choppingand changing like a rudderless lugger in a ten-knot breeze? If theexpedition is possible, and you had the money in your drawer all thetime, why couldn't you have spoken it out like a man, without raisingme to the roof and dropping me into the cellar in the way you'vedone?"

The man looked unruffled across the table at me. He pushed a paper alittle farther from him, and said without any trace of emotion:

"Will you sign that receipt at the bottom, if you please?"

I sat down and signed it, but I would rather have jabbed a pen betweenhis close-set lips to give him a taste of his own ink. Then I satquiet and watched him count the gold, placing it all in neat littlepillars before him. When it was finished, he said:

"Will you check the amount?"

"Is that gold mine?" I asked him. 

"It is, " he replied. 

So I rose up without more ado and shovelled it into my pockets, andhe put the receipt into the drawer after reading it over carefully, and arched his eyebrows without saying anything when he saw me pocketthe coins uncounted. 

"I wish you good afternoon, " said I. 

"I have to detain you one moment longer, " he replied. "I have it onthe most trustworthy information that the Earl of Westport is alreadyaware of your intention to proceed to the country estate alleged to beowned by him. Your outgoings and incomings are watched, and I have toinform you that unless you proceed to Rye with extreme caution thereis likelihood that you may be waylaid, and perchance violence offeredto you. "

"In that case I will reap a few more swords; but you need not fear, Ishall not trouble you with them. "

"They are out of place in a solicitor's chamber, " he murmured gently. "Is there anything further I can do for you?"

"Yes, " I said, "there is one thing more. I would be obliged if youcould make me a bundle of legal-looking papers that are of no furtheruse to you: a sheet of that parchment, and some of the blue stuff likewhat I carried. The Earl seems determined to have a packet of papersfrom me, and I would like to oblige him, as he's going to be myfather-in-law, although he doesn't know it. I'd like some writing onthese papers, --Latin for preference. "

Josiah Brooks thought steadily for a few moments, then he called outand the melancholy rusty man came in. He took a few instructions andwent out again. After a long time he entered once more and placed onthe table a packet I would have sworn was my own. This the lawyerhanded to me without a word, and the rusty man held open the door forme. So, with the bogus papers in my pocket, not to mention the genuinegold, I took my leave of Josiah and the Temple. 

As soon as I was outside I saw at once that there was no time to belost. If the Earl had guessed my intention, as was hinted, what wouldhe do? Whenever I wish to answer a question like that to myself, Ithink what would I do if I were in the position of the other man. Nowwhat I would have done, was this, if I were the Earl of Westport. Iwould send down to Brede all the ruffians at my disposal and garrisonthe house with them; and if the Earl did this, I would be on theoutside, and he on the inside with advantage over me accordingly. Mostmen fight better behind stone walls than out in the open; and, besides, a few men can garrison a barracks that five hundred cannottake by assault. However, as it turned out, I was crediting the Earlwith brains equal to my own, which in truth neither he nor any of hisfollowers had below their bonnets. He trusted to intercepting me onthe highway, just as if he hadn't already failed in that trick. But ittakes a score of failures to convince an Englishman that he is on thewrong track altogether, while an Irishman has so many plans in hishead that there's never time to try one of them twice in succession. But if I was wrong about the Earl, I was right about his daughter, when I suspected that she gave the lawyer the information about theEarl's knowledge of my plans, and I was also right when I credited thedear girl with drawing on her own funds to give me the goldenguineas, --"and may each one of them, " said I to myself, "prove agolden blessing on her head. "

At any rate, there was no time to be lost, so I made straight toFather Donovan and asked him would he be ready to begin the journey toRye after an early breakfast with me at the "Pig and Turnip. "

You never saw a man in your life so delighted at the prospect ofleaving London as was Father Donovan, and indeed I was glad to getaway from the place myself. The good father said the big town confusedhim; and, although he was glad to have seen it, he was more happystill to get out of it and breathe a breath of fresh country air oncemore. So it was arranged that he would come to the "Pig and Turnip"next morning between six and seven o'clock. I then turned back to theshop of a tailor who for a long time had had two suits of clothingwaiting for me that were entirely elegant in their design. The tailor, however, would not take the word of a gentleman that payment wouldfollow the delivery of the costumes; for a little later would be moreconvenient for me to give him the money, and this made me doubt, inspite of the buttons and gold lace, if the garments were quite thefashionable cut, because a tailor who demands money on the spot showshe is entirely unaccustomed to deal with the upper classes; but Ineeded these clothes, as the two suits I possessed were getting alittle the worse for wear. 

When I went into his shop he was inclined to be haughty, thinking Ihad come to ask credit again; but when he saw the glitter of the moneythe man became obsequious to a degree that I never had witnessedbefore. I was affable to him, but distant; and when he offered meeverything that was in his shop, I told him I would take time andconsider it. He sent a servant following behind me with the goods, andso I came once more to the "Pig and Turnip, " where I ordered Paddy andJem to go to the Temple and fetch away the swords. 

There seemed to be a pleased surprise on the face of the landlord whenI called for my bill and paid it without question, chiding him for hisdelay in not sending it before. I engaged a horse for Father Donovanto ride on the following morning, and ordered breakfast ready at sixo'clock, although I gave my commands that I was to be wakened an hourbefore daylight. 

I spent the rest of the day in my room with Paddy and Jem, trying toknock into their heads some little notion of geography, wishing tomake certain that they would sooner or later arrive in Rye withoutstumbling in on Belfast while on the way. My own knowledge of the faceof the country was but meagre, so the landlord brought in a rough mapof the south of England, and I cautioned the lads to get across LondonBridge and make for the town of Maidstone, from where they could godue south, and if they happened on the coast they were to inquire forRye and stay there until further orders. Jem Bottles, who thought hehad brains in his head, said he would not be so open in telling everyone we were going to Rye if he was me, because he was sure the Earlhad people on the look-out, and money was plenty with his lordship. Ifevery one knew when we were taking our departure, there would be nodifficulty in following us and overcoming us on some lonely part ofthe road. 

"Jem, " said I, "that's all very true; but when they attacked us beforethey got very little change for their trouble; and if you are afraidof some slight commotion on the road, then you can stay back here inLondon. "

"I am not afraid at all, " said Jem, "but if there's anythingparticular you would like to see in Rye, there's no use in blockingthe road to it. "

"Sure, Jem, then be quiet about it. "

Turning to the landlord, who was standing by, I said to him:

"My men fear we are going to be intercepted, so I think if I began thejourney some time before daylight, and they followed me soon after, Imight slip away unnoticed. "

The landlord scratched his head and crinkled up his brow, for to thinkwas unusual with him. 

"I don't see, " he said at last, "what you have to gain by goingseparately. It seems to me it would be better to go in a body, andthen, if you are set on, there are three instead of one. "

"Very well, " said I, "I'll take your caution into consideration, andact upon it or not as seems best when the time comes. "

I told Paddy and Jem to sleep that night on the floor of my own room, and cautioned them to wake me an hour before daylight at the latest. Jem slept through until I had to kick him into consciousness; but poorPaddy, on the other hand, wakened me four times during the night, --thefirst time two hours after I had gone to sleep, and I could havecudgelled him for his pains, only I knew the lad's intentions weregood. The last time I could stand it no longer, although it was stillearlier than the hour I had said, so I got up and dressed myself inone of my new suits. 

"And here, Paddy, " said I, "you will wear the costume I had onyesterday. "

"I couldn't think of it, " said Paddy, drawing back from the grandeur. 

"You are not to think, you impudent gossoon, but to do as I tell you. Put them on, and be as quick as you can. "

"Troth, yer honour, " said Paddy, still shrinking from them, "they'retoo grand for the likes o' me, an' few will be able to tell the differatween us. "

"You conceited spalpeen, do ye think there's no difference between usbut what the clothes make? Get into them. I intend certain otherpeople to take you for me in the dark, and I can warrant you theseclothes, grand as you think them, will be very soundly beaten beforethis day is done with. "

"Ochone, ochone, " moaned Paddy, "am I to get another beating already, and some of the bruises not yet off my flesh?"

"Put on the coat now, and don't do so much talking. Sure it's all inthe day's work, and I promise you before long you'll have your revengeon them. "

"It's not revenge I'm after, " wailed Paddy, "but a whole skin. "

"Now you're transformed into a gentleman, " said I, "and many a ladwould take a beating for the privilege of wearing such gorgeousraiment. Here is a packet of paper that you're to keep in your pockettill it's taken away from you. And now I'll help you to saddle thehorse, and once you're across London Bridge you'll likely come uponMaidstone and Rye some time in your life, for you can't get back overthe river again except by the same bridge, so you'll know it when youcome to it. "

And so I mounted Paddy in the courtyard; the sleepy watchman undid thebolts in the big gate in the archway; and my man rode out into thedarkness in no very cheerful humour over his journey. I came back andtook forty winks more in the arm-chair, then, with much difficulty, Iroused Jem Bottles. He also, without a murmur, but with much pride inhis dressing, put on the second of my discarded suits, and seemed tofancy himself mightily in his new gear. With plenty of cord I tied andretied the two bundles of swords and placed them across the horse infront of his saddle, and it was not yet daylight when Jem jingled outinto the street like a moving armoury. Two huge pistols were in hisholsters, loaded and ready to his hand. 

"By the Saints, " said Jem proudly, "the man that meddles with me shallget hot lead or cold steel for his breakfast, " and with that he wentoff at a canter, waking the echoes with the clash of his horse's shoeson the cobble-stones. 

I went up stairs again and threw myself down on the bed and sleptpeacefully with no Paddy to rouse me until half-past-six, when adrawer knocked at the door and said that a priest that was downstairswould be glad to see me. I had him up in a jiffy, and a hot breakfastfollowing fast on his heels, which we both laid in in quantities, forneither of us knew where our next meal was to be. However, the goodfather paid little thought to the future as long as the present mealwas well served and satisfactory. He had no more idea than a springlamb how we were to get to Rye, but thought perhaps a coach set outat that hour in the morning. When I told him I had a horse saddled andwaiting for him, he was pleased, for Father Donovan could scamperacross the country in Ireland with the best of them. So far as I couldjudge, the coast was clear, for every one we met between the "Pig andTurnip" and the bridge seemed honest folk intent on getting early totheir work. It was ten minutes past seven when we clattered across thebridge and set our faces toward Rye. 

CHAPTER XXXI

Looking back over my long life I scarcely remember any day morepleasant than that I spent riding side by side with Father Donovanfrom London to Rye. The fine old man had a fund of entertainingstories, and although I had heard them over and over again there wasalways something fresh in his way of telling them, and now and then Irecognized a narrative that had once made two separate stories, butwhich had now become welded into one in the old man's mind. There wasnever anything gloomy in these anecdotes, for they always showed thecheerful side of life and gave courage to the man that wanted to doright; for in all of Father Donovan's stories the virtuous were alwaysmade happy. We talked of our friends and acquaintances, and if he everknew anything bad about a man he never told it; while if I mentionedit he could always say something good of him to balance it, or atleast to mitigate the opinion that might be formed of it. He wasalways doing some man a good turn or speaking a comforting word forhim. 

"O'Ruddy, " he said, "I spent most of the day yesterday writing lettersto those that could read them in our part of Ireland, setting rightthe rumours that had come back to us, which said you were fightingduels and engaged in brawls, but the strangest story of all was theone about your forming a friendship with a highwayman, who, they said, committed robberies on the road and divided the spoil with you, andhere I find you without a servant at all at all, leading a quiet, respectable life at a quiet, respectable inn. It's not even in atavern that I first come across you, but kneeling devoutly, saying aprayer in your mother church. I see you leaving your inn having paidyour bill like a gentleman, when they said you took night-leave ofmost of the hostelries in England. Dear me, and there was the landlordbowing to you as if you were a prince, and all his servants in a rowwith the utmost respect for you. Ah, O'Ruddy, it's men like you thatgives the good name to Ireland, and causes her to be looked up to byall the people of the world. "

I gave Father Donovan heartfelt thanks for his kindness, and prayed tomyself that we would not come upon Jem Bottles on the road, and thatwe would be left unmolested on our journey until we saw the sea-coast. Of course, if we were set upon, it would not be my fault, and it's notlikely he would blame me; but if we came on Bottles, he was inclinedto be very easy in conversation, and, in spite of my warnings, wouldlet slip words that would shock the old priest. But when a day beginstoo auspiciously, its luck is apt to change before the sun sets, as itwas with me. 

It was nearing mid-day, and we were beginning to feel a trifle hungry, yet were in a part of the country that gave little promise of an inn, for it was a lonely place with heath on each side of the road, and, further on, a bit of forest. About half-way through this wooded plainan astonishing sight met my eyes. Two saddled horses were tied to atree, and by the side of the road appeared to be a heap of nine orten saddles, on one of which a man was sitting, comfortably eating abit of bread, while on another a second man, whose head was tied up ina white cloth, lay back in a recumbent position, held upright by thesaddlery. Coming closer, I was disturbed to see that the man eatingwas Jem Bottles, while the other was undoubtedly poor Paddy, althoughhis clothes were so badly torn that I had difficulty in recognizingthem as my own. As we drew up Jem stood and saluted with his mouthfull, while Paddy groaned deeply. I was off my horse at once and ranto Paddy. 

"Where are ye hurted?" said I. 

"I'm killed, " said Paddy. 

"I've done the best I could for him, " put in Jem Bottles. "He'll beall right in a day or two. "

"I'll not, " said Paddy, with more strength than one would suspect;"I'll not be all right in a day or two, nor in a week or two, nor in amonth or two, nor in a year or two; I'm killed entirely. "

"You're not, " said Bottles. "When I was on the highway I never mindeda little clip like that. "

"Hush, Bottles, " said I, "you talk altogether too much. Paddy, " criedI, "get on your feet, and show yer manners here to Father Donovan. "

Paddy got on his feet with a celerity which his former attitude wouldnot have allowed one to believe possible. 

"My poor boy!" said the kindly priest; "who has misused you?" and heput his two hands on the sore head. 

"About two miles from here, " said Paddy, "I was set on by a score ofmen--"

"There was only nine of them, " interrupted Jem, "count the saddles. "

"They came on me so sudden and unexpected that I was off my horsebefore I knew there was a man within reach. They had me down before Icould say my prayers, and cudgelled me sorely, tearing my clothes, andthey took away the packet of papers you gave me, sir. Sure I tried toguard it with my life, an' they nearly took both. "

"I am certain you did your best, Paddy, " said I; "and it's sorry I amto see you injured. "

"Then they rode away, leaving me, sore wounded, sitting on the side ofthe road, " continued Paddy. "After a while I come to myself, for Iseemed dazed; and, my horse peacefully grazing beside me, I managed toget on its back, and turned toward London in the hope of meeting you;but instead of meeting you, sir, I came upon Jem with his pile ofsaddles, and he bound up my head and did what he could to save me, although I've a great thirst on me at this moment that's difficult todeal with. "

"There's a ditch by the side of the road, " said the priest. 

"Yes, " said Paddy sadly; "I tried some of that. "

I went to my pack on the horse and took out a bottle and a leathercup. Paddy drank and smacked his lips with an ecstasy that gave ushope for his ultimate recovery. Jem Bottles laughed, and to close hismouth I gave him also some of the wine. 

"I hope, " said Father Donovan with indignation, "that the miscreantwho misused you will be caught and punished. "

"I punished them, " said Jem, drawing the back of his hand across hismouth. 

"We'll hear about it another time, " said I, having my suspicions. 

"Let the good man go on, " begged Father Donovan, who is not withouthuman curiosity. 

Jem needed no second bidding. 

"Your Reverence, " he said, "I was jogging quietly on as a decent manshould, when, coming to the edge of this forest, I saw approach me aparty of horsemen, who were very hilarious and laughed loudly. If youlook up and down the road and see how lonely it is, and then look atthe wood, with no hedge between it and the highway, you'll notice theplace was designed by Providence for such a meeting. "

"Sure the public road is designed as a place for travellers to meet, "said the father, somewhat bewildered by the harangue. 

"Your Reverence is right, but this place could not afford betteraccommodation if I had made it myself. I struck into the wood beforethey saw me, tore the black lining from my hat, punched two holes init for the eyes, and tied it around my forehead, letting it hang downover my face; then I primed my two pistols and waited for thegentlemen. When they were nearly opposite, a touch of the heels to myhorse's flank was enough, and out he sprang into the middle of theroad. 

"'Stand and deliver!' I cried, pointing the pistols at them, the wordscoming as glibly to my lips as if I had said them no later ago thanyesterday. 'Stand and deliver, ye--'" and here Jem glibly rattled outa stream of profane appellatives which was disgraceful to listen to. 

"Tut, tut, Jem, " I said, "you shouldn't speak like that. Any way we'llhear the rest another time. "

"That's what I called them, sir, " said Jem, turning to me withsurprise, "you surely would not have me tell an untruth. "

"I wouldn't have you tell anything. Keep quiet. Father Donovan is notinterested in your recital. "

"I beg your pardon, O'Ruddy, " said Father Donovan, looking at mereproachfully; "but I am very much interested in this man'snarrative. "

"As any good man should be, " continued Jem, "for these were arrantscoundrels; one of them I knew, and his name is Doctor Chord. He felloff his horse on the roadway at once and pleaded for mercy. I orderedthe others instantly to hold their hands above their heads, and theydid so, except one man who began fumbling in his holster, and then, toshow him what I could do with a pistol, I broke his wrist. At thesound of the shot the horses began to plunge, nearly trampling DoctorChord into the dust. 

"'Clasp your hands above your heads, ye--'"

Here went on another stream of terrible language again, and in despairI sat down on the pile of saddles, allowing things to take theircourse. Jem continued:

"The lesson of the pistol was not misread by my gentlemen, when theynoticed I had a second loaded one; so, going to them one after theother I took their weapons from them and flung them to the foot ofthat tree, where, if you look, you may see them now. Then I took acontribution from each one, just as you do in church, your Reverence. I'm sure you have a collection for the poor, and that was the one Iwas taking up this day. I have not counted them yet, " said thevillain turning to me, "but I think I have between sixty and seventyguineas, which are all freely at your disposal, excepting a trifle formyself and Paddy there. There's no plaster like gold for a sore head, your Reverence. I made each one of them dismount and take off hissaddle and throw it in the pile; then I had them mount again and drovethem with curses toward London, and very glad they were to escape. "

"He did not get the papers again, " wailed Paddy, who was not taking asjubilant a view of the world as was Jem at that moment. 

"I knew nothing of the papers, " protested Bottles. "If you had told meabout the papers, I would have had them, and if I had been carryingthe papers these fellows would not have made away with them. "

"Then, " said the horrified priest, "you did not commit this action inpunishment for the injury done to your friend? You knew nothing ofthat at the time. You set on these men thinking they were simpletravellers. "

"O, I knew nothing of what happened to Paddy till later, but you see, your Reverence, these men themselves were thieves and robbers. Intheir case it was nine men against one poor half-witted Irish lad--"

"Half-witted yourself, " cried Paddy angrily. 

"But you, sir, " continued his Reverence, "were simply carrying out theaction of a highwayman. Sir, you _are_ a highwayman. "

"I was, your Reverence, but I have reformed. "

"And this pile of saddles attests your reformation!" said the old man, shaking his head. 

"But you see, your Reverence, this is the way to look at it--"

"Keep quiet, Jem!" cried I in disgust. 

"How can I keep quiet, " urged Bottles, "when I am unjustly accused? Ido not deny that I was once a highwayman, but Mr. O'Ruddy converted meto better ways--"

"Highways, " said Paddy, adding, with a sniff, "Half-witted!"

"Your Reverence, I had no more intention of robbing those men than youhave at this moment. I didn't know they were thieves themselves. Thenwhat put it into my head to jump into the wood and on with a maskbefore you could say, Bristol town? It's the mysterious ways ofProvidence, your Reverence. Even I didn't understand it at the time, but the moment I heard Paddy's tale I knew at once I was but aninstrument in the hand of Providence, for I had not said, 'Stand anddeliver!' this many a day, nor thought of it. "

"It may be so; it may be so, " murmured the priest, more to himselfthan to us; but I saw that he was much troubled, so, getting up, Isaid to Paddy:

"Are you able to ride farther on to-day?"

"If I'd another sup from the cup, sir, I think I could, " whereat JemBottles laughed again, and I gave them both a drink of wine. 

"What are you going to do with all this saddlery?" said I to Bottles. 

"I don't know anything better than to leave it here; but I think, yourhonour, the pistols will come handy, for they're all very good ones, and Paddy and me can carry them between us, or I can make two bagsfrom these leather packs, and Paddy could carry the lot in them, as Ido the swords. "

"Very well, " I said. "Make your preparations as quickly as you can andlet us be off, for this latest incident, in spite of you, Jem, maylead to pursuit and get us into trouble before we are ready for it. "

"No fear, sir, " said Jem confidently. "One thief does not layinformation against another. If they had been peaceable travellers, that would be another thing; but, as I said, Providence is protectingus, no doubt because of the presence of his Reverence here, and notfor our own merits. "

"Be thankful it is the reward of some one else's merits you, reap, Bottles, instead of your own. No more talk now, but to horse andaway. "

For some miles Father Donovan rode very silently. I told him somethingof my meeting with Jem Bottles and explained how I tried to make anhonest man of him, while this was the first lapse I had known sincehis conversion. I even pretended that I had some belief in his owntheory of the interposition of Providence, and Father Donovan wasevidently struggling to acquire a similar feeling, although he seemedto find some difficulty in the contest. He admitted that this robberyappeared but even justice; still he ventured to hope that Jem Bottleswould not take the coincidence as a precedent, and that he would nevermistake the dictates of Providence for the desires of his own nature. 

"I will speak with the man later, " he said, "and hope that my wordswill make some impression upon him. There was a trace of exaltation inhis recital that showed no sign of a contrite spirit. "

On account of the delay at the roadside it was well past twelveo'clock before we reached Maidstone, and there we indulged in a gooddinner that put heart into all of us, while the horses had time torest and feed. The road to Rye presented no difficulties whatever, butunder ordinary conditions I would have rested a night beforetravelling to the coast. There would be a little delay before the Earldiscovered the useless nature of the papers which he had been at suchexpense to acquire, but after the discovery there was no doubt in mymind that he would move upon Brede as quickly as horses could carryhis men, so I insisted upon pressing on to Rye that night, and wereached the town late with horses that were very tired. It was a longdistance for a man of the age of Father Donovan to travel in a day, but he stood the journey well, and enjoyed his supper and his winewith the best of us. 

We learned that there was no boat leaving for France for several days, and this disquieted me, for I would have liked to see Father Donovanoff early next morning, for I did not wish to disclose my project tothe peace-loving man. I must march on Brede next day if I was to getthere in time, and so there was no longer any possibility ofconcealing my designs. However, there was no help for it, and Iresolved to be up bright and early in the morning and engage a dozenmen whom I could trust to stand by me. I also intended to purchaseseveral cartloads of provisions, so that if a siege was attempted wecould not be starved out. All this I would accomplish at as early anhour as possible, get the carts on their way to Brede, and march atthe head of the men myself; so I went to bed with a somewhat troubledmind, but fell speedily into a dreamless sleep nevertheless, and slepttill broad daylight. 

CHAPTER XXXII

I found Rye a snug little town, and so entirely peaceable-looking thatwhen I went out in the morning I was afraid there would be nobodythere who would join me in the hazardous task of taking possession ofthe place of so well-known a man as the Earl of Westport. But I didnot know Rye then as well as I do now: it proved to be a great resortfor smugglers when they were off duty and wished to enjoy the innocentrelaxation of a town after the comparative loneliness of thesea-coast, although, if all the tales they tell me are true, theauthorities sometimes made the sea-shore a little too lively for theircomfort. Then there were a number of seafaring men looking for a job, and some of them had the appearance of being pirates in moreprosperous days. 

As I wandered about I saw a most gigantic ruffian, taking his easewith his back against the wall, looking down on the shipping. 

"If that man's as bold as he's strong, " said I to myself, "and I hadhalf a dozen more like him, we'd hold Brede House till the day there'sliberty in Ireland;" so I accosted him. 

"The top o' the morning to you, " said I genially. 

He eyed me up and down, especially glancing at the sword by my side, and then said civilly:

"The same to you, sir. You seem to be looking for some one?"

"I am, " said I, "I'm looking for nine men. "

"If you'll tell me their names I'll tell you where to find them, for Iknow everybody in Rye. "

"If that's the case you'll know their names, which is more than I domyself. "

"Then you're not acquainted with them?"

"I am not; but if you'll tell me your name I think then I'll know oneof them. "

There was a twinkle in his eye as he said:

"They call me Tom Peel. "

"Then Tom, " said I, "are there eight like you in the town of Rye?"

"Not quite as big perhaps, " said Tom, "but there's plenty of good menhere, as the French have found out before now, --yes, and theconstables as well. What do you want nine men for?"

"Because I have nine swords and nine pistols that will fit that numberof courageous subjects. "

"Then it's not for the occupation of agriculture you require them?"said Peel with the hint of a laugh. "There's a chance of a cut in theribs, I suppose, for swords generally meet other swords. "

"You're right in that; but I don't think the chance is very strong. "

"And perhaps a term in prison when the scrimmage is ended?"

"No fear of that at all at all; for if any one was to go to prison itwould be me, who will be your leader, and not you, who will be mydupes, do you see?"

Peel shrugged his shoulders. 

"My experience of the world is that the man with gold lace on hiscoat goes free, while they punish the poor devil in the leatherjacket. But, turn the scheme out bad or ill, how much money is at theend of it?"

"There'll be ten guineas at the end of it for each man, win or lose. "

"And when will the money be paid?"

"Half before you leave Rye, the other half in a week's time, andperhaps before, --a week's time at the latest; but I want men who willnot turn white if a blunderbuss happens to go off. "

The rascallion smiled and spat contemptuously in the dust before him. 

"If you show me the guineas, " said he, "I'll show you the men. "

"Here's five of them, to begin with, that won't be counted againstyou. There'll be five more in your pocket when we leave Rye, and athird five when the job's ended. "

His big hand closed over the coins. 

"I like your way of speaking, " he said. "Now where are we to go?"

"To the strong house of Brede, some seven or eight miles from here. Ido not know how far exactly, nor in what direction. "

"I am well acquainted with it, " said Peel. "It was a famous smuggler'splace in its time. "

"I don't mean a smuggler's place, " said I. "I am talking of thecountry house of the Earl of Westport. "

"Yes, curse him, that's the spot I mean. Many a nobleman's house isput to purposes he learns little of, although the Earl is such ascoundrel he may well have been in with the smugglers and sold them tothe government. "

"Did he sell them?"

"Somebody sold them. "

There was a scowl on Peel's face that somehow encouraged me, althoughI liked the look of the ruffian from the first. 

"You're an old friend of his lordship's, then?" said I. 

"He has few friends in Rye or about Rye. If you're going to doanything against Westport, I'll get you a hundred men for nothing ifthere's a chance of escape after the fight. "

"Nine men will do me, if they're the right stuff. You will have goodcover to sleep under, plenty to eat and drink, and then I expect youto hold Brede House against all the men the Earl of Westport can bringforward. "

"That's an easy thing, " said Peel, his eye lighting up. "And if worsecomes to the worst I know a way out of the house that's neitherthrough door or window nor up a chimney. Where will I collect yourmen?"

"Assemble them on the road to Brede, quietly, about half a mile fromRye. Which direction is Brede from here?"

"It lies to the west, between six and seven miles away as the crowflies. "

"Very well, collect your men as quickly as you can, and send word tome at the 'Anchor. ' Tell your messenger to ask for The O'Ruddy. "

Now I turned back to the tavern sorely troubled what I would do withFather Donovan. He was such a kindly man that he would be loath toshake hands with me at the door of the inn, as he had still two orthree days to stop, so I felt sure he would insist on accompanying mepart of the way. I wished I could stop and see him off on his ship;but if we were to get inside of Brede's House unopposed, we had to actat once. I found Paddy almost recovered from the assault of the daybefore. He had a bandage around his forehead, which, with his redhair, gave him a hideous appearance, as if the whole top of his headhad been smashed. Poor Paddy was getting so used to a beating each daythat I wondered wouldn't he be lonesome when the beatings ceased andthere was no enemy to follow him. 

Father Donovan had not yet appeared, and the fire was just lit in thekitchen to prepare breakfast, so I took Jem and Paddy with me to theeating shop of the town, and there a sleepy-looking shop-keeper let usin, mightily resenting this early intrusion, but changed his demeanourwhen he understood the size of the order I was giving him, and thefact that I was going to pay good gold; for it would be a fine joke onThe O'Ruddy if the Earl surrounded the house with his men and starvedhim out. So it was no less than three cartloads of provisions Iordered, though one of them was a cartload of drink, for I thought thecompany I had hired would have a continuous thirst on them, beingseafaring men and smugglers, and I knew that strong, sound ale wasbrewed in Rye. 

The business being finished, we three went back to the "Anchor, " andfound an excellent breakfast and an excellent man waiting for me, thelatter being Father Donovan, although slightly impatient for closeracquaintance with the former. 

When breakfast was done with, I ordered the three horses saddled, andpresently out in the courtyard Paddy was seated on his nag with thetwo sacks of pistols before him, and Jem in like manner with his twobundles of swords. The stableman held my horse, so I turned to FatherDonovan and grasped him warmly by the hand. 

"A safe journey across the Channel to you, Father Donovan, and apeaceful voyage from there to Rome, whichever road you take. If youwrite to me in the care of the landlord of this inn I'll be sendingand sending till I get your letter, and when you return I'll bestanding and watching the sea, at whatever point you land in England, if you'll but let me know in time. And so good-bye to you, FatherDonovan, and God bless you, and I humbly beseech your own blessing inreturn. "

The old man's eyes grew wider and wider as I went on talking andtalking and shaking him by the hand. 

"What's come over you, O'Ruddy?" he said, "and where are you going?"

"I am taking a long journey to the west and must have an early start. "

"Nonsense, " cried Father Donovan, "it's two or three days before I canleave this shore, so I'll accompany you a bit of the way. "

"You mustn't think of it, Father, because you had a long day's rideyesterday, and I want you to take care of yourself and take thought onyour health. "

"Tush, I'm as fresh as a boy this morning. Landlord, see that thesaddle is put on that horse I came into Rye with. "

The landlord at once rushed off and gave the order, while I stoodthere at my wit's end. 

"Father Donovan, " said I, "I'm in great need of haste at this moment, and we must ride fast, so I'll just bid good-bye to you here at thiscomfortable spot, and you'll sit down at your ease in that bigarm-chair. "

"I'll do nothing of the kind, O'Ruddy. What's troubling you, man? andwhy are you in such a hurry this morning, when you said nothing of ityesterday?"

"Father, I said nothing of it yesterday, but sure I acted it. See howwe rode on and on in spite of everything, and did the whole journeyfrom London to Rye between breakfast and supper. Didn't that give youa hint that I was in a hurry?"

"Well, it should have done, it should have done, O'Ruddy; still, I'llgo a bit of the way with you and not delay you. "

"But we intend to ride very fast, Father. "

"Ah, it's an old man you're thinking I'm getting to be. Troth, I canride as fast as any one of the three of you, and a good deal fasterthan Paddy. "

At this moment the landlord came bustling in. 

"Your Reverence's horse is ready, " he said. 

And so there was nothing for it but to knock the old man down, which Ihadn't the heart to do. It is curious how stubborn some people are;but Father Donovan was always set in his ways, and so, as we rode outof Rye to the west, with Paddy and Jem following us, I had simply totell his Reverence all about it, and you should have seen theconsternation on his countenance. 

"Do you mean to tell me you propose to take possession of anotherman's house and fight him if he comes to claim his own?"

"I intend that same thing, your Reverence;" for now I was as stubbornas the old gentleman himself, and it was not likely I was going to beput off my course when I remembered the happiness that was ahead ofme; but there's little use in trying to explain to an aged priest whata young man is willing to do for the love of the sweetest girl in allthe land. 

"O'Ruddy, " he said, "you'll be put in prison. It's the inside of agaol, and not the inside of a castle, you'll see. It's not down theaisle of a church you'll march with your bride on your arm, but itshobbling over the cobbles of a Newgate passage you'll go with manacleson your legs. Take warning from me, my poor boy, who would beheart-broken to see harm come to you, and don't run your neck into thehangman's noose, thinking it the matrimonial halter. Turn back whilethere's yet time, O'Ruddy. "

"Believe me, Father Donovan, it grieves me to refuse you anything, butI cannot turn back. "

"You'll be breaking the law of the land. "

"But the law of the land is broken every day in our district ofIreland, and not too many words said about it. "

"Oh, O'Ruddy, that's a different thing. The law of the land in Irelandis the law of the alien. "

"Father, you're not logical. It's the alien I'm going to fighthere, "--but before the father could reply we saw ahead of us the bulkyform of Tom Peel, and ranged alongside of the road, trying to lookvery stiff and military-like, was the most awkward squad of men I hadever clapped eyes on; but determined fellows they were, as I could seeat a glance when I came fornenst them, and each man pulled a lock ofhis hair by way of a salute. 

"Do you men understand the use of a sword and a pistol?" said I. 

The men smiled at each other as though I was trying some kind of ajoke on them. 

"They do, your honour, " answered Tom Peel on their behalf. "Each oneof them can sling a cutlass to the king's taste, and fire a pistolwithout winking, and there are now concealed in the hedge half a dozenblunderbusses in case they should be needed. They make a loud reportand have a good effect on the enemy, even when they do no harm. "

"Yes, we'll have the blunderbusses, " said I, and with that the menbroke rank, burst through the hedge, and came back with thoseformidable weapons. "I have ammunition in the carts, " I said, "did yousee anything of them?"

"The carts have gone on to the west, your honour; but we'll soonovertake them, " and the men smacked their lips when they thought ofthe one that had the barrels in it. Now Paddy came forward with thepistols, and Bottles followed and gave each man a blade, while I gaveeach his money. 

"O dear! O dear!" groaned Father Donovan. 

"There's just a chance we may be attacked before we get to Brede, and, Father, though I am loath to say good-bye, still it must be said. It'srare glad I'll be when I grip your hand again. "

"All in good time; all in good time, " said Father Donovan; "I'll go abit farther along the road with you and see how your men march. Theywould fight better and better behind a hedge than in the open, I'mthinking. "

"They'll not have to fight in the open, Father, " said I, "but they'llbe comfortably housed if we get there in time. Now, Peel, I make youcaptain of the men, as you've got them together, and so, Forward, mylads. "

They struck out along the road, walking a dozen different kinds ofsteps, although there were only nine of them; some with the swordsover their shoulders, some using them like walking-sticks, till I toldthem to be more careful of the points; but they walked rapidly and gotover the ground, for the clank of the five guineas that was in eachman's pocket played the right kind of march for them. 

"Listen to reason, O'Ruddy, and even now turn back, " said FatherDonovan. 

"I'll not turn back now, " said I, "and, sure, you can't expect it ofme. You're an obstinate man yourself, if I must say so, Father. "

"It's a foolhardy exploit, " he continued, frowning. "There's prison atthe end of it for some one, " he murmured. 

"No, it's the House of Brede, Father, that's at the end of it. "

"Supposing the Earl of Westport brings a thousand men againstyou, --what are you going to do?"

"Give them the finest fight they have ever seen in this part ofEngland. "

In spite of himself I saw a sparkle in Father Donovan's eye. Thenationality of him was getting the better of his profession. 

"If it were legitimate and lawful, " at last he said, "it would be afine sight to see. "

"It will be legitimate and lawful enough when the Earl and myself cometo terms. You need have no fear that we're going to get into thecourts, Father. "

"Do you think he'll fight?" demanded the father suddenly, with a glintin his eyes that I have seen in my own father's when he was telling usof his battles in France. 

"Fight? Why of course he'll fight, for he's as full of malice as anegg's full of meat; but nevertheless he's a sensible old curmudgeon, when the last word's said, and before he'll have it noised overEngland that his title to the land is disputed he'll give me what Iwant, although at first he'll try to master me. "

"Can you depend on these men?"

"I think I can. They're old smugglers and pirates, most of them. "

"I wonder who the Earl will bring against you?" said Father Donovan, speaking more to himself than to me. "Will it be farmers or regularsoldiers?"

"I expect they will be from among his own tenantry; there's plenty ofthem, and they'll all have to do his bidding. "

"But that doesn't give a man courage in battle?"

"No, but he'll have good men to lead them, even if he brings them fromLondon. "

"I wouldn't like to see you attacked by real soldiers; but I thinkthese men of yours will give a good account of themselves if there'sonly peasantry brought up against them. Sure, the peasantry in thiscountry is not so warlike as in our own, "--and there was a touch ofpride in the father's remark that went to my very heart. 

After riding in silence for a while, meditating with head bowed, helooked suddenly across at me, his whole face lighted up with deliciousremembrance. 

"Wouldn't you like to have Mike Sullivan with you this day, " he cried, naming the most famous fighter in all the land, noted from Belfast toour own Old Head of Kinsale. 

"I'd give many a guinea, " I said, "to have Mike by my side when theEarl comes on. "

The old father suddenly brought down his open hand with a slap on histhigh. 

"I'm going to stand by you, O'Ruddy, " he said. 

"I'm glad to have your blessing on the job at last, Father, " said I;"for it was sore against me to go into this business when you were ina contrary frame of mind. "

"You'll not only have my blessing, O'Ruddy, but myself as well. Howcould I sail across the ocean and never know which way the fight cameout? and then, if it is to happen in spite of me, the Lord pity thefrailness of mankind, but I'd like to see it. I've not seen a debatesince the Black Fair of Bandon. "

By this time we had overtaken the hirelings with their carts, and themen were swinging past them at a good pace. 

"Whip up your horses, " said I to the drivers, "and get over the grounda little faster. It's not gunpowder that's in those barrels, and whenwe reach the house there will be a drink for every one of you. "

There was a cheer at this, and we all pushed on with good hearts. Atlast we came to a lane turning out from the main road, and then to theprivate way through fields that led to Brede House. So far there hadbeen no one to oppose us, and now, setting spurs to our horses, wegalloped over the private way, which ran along the side of a gentlehill until one end of the mansion came into view. It seemed likelythere was no suspicion who we were, for a man digging in the garden, stood up and took off his cap to us. The front door looked like theGothic entrance of a church, and I sprang from my horse and knockedloudly against the studded oak. An old man opened the door without anymeasure of caution, and I stepped inside. I asked him who he was, andhe said he was the caretaker. 

"How many beside yourself are in this house?"

He said there was only himself, his wife, and a kitchen wench, and twoof the gardeners, while the family was in London. 

"Well, " said I, "I'd have you know that I'm the family now, and thatI'm at home. I am the owner of Brede estate. "

"You're not the Earl of Westport!" said the old man, his eyes openingwide. 

"No, thank God, I'm not!"

He now got frightened and would have shut the door, but I gentlypushed him aside. I heard the tramp of the men, and, what was more, the singing of a sea song, for they were nearing the end of their walkand thinking that something else would soon pass their lips besidesthe tune. The old man was somewhat reassured when he saw the priestcome in; but dismay and terror took hold of him when the nine men withtheir blunderbusses and their swords came singing around a corner ofthe house and drew up in front of it. By and by the carts camecreaking along, and then every man turned to and brought theprovisions inside of the house and piled them up in the kitchen in anorderly way, while the old man, his wife, the wench, and the twogardeners stood looking on with growing signs of panic upon them. 

"Now, my ancient caretaker, " said I to the old man, in the kindesttones I could bring to my lips, so as not to frighten him more thanwas already the case, "what is the name of that little village overyonder?" and I pointed toward the west, where, on the top of a hill, appeared a church and a few houses. 

"That, sir, " he said, with his lips trembling, "is the village ofBrede. "

"Is there any decent place there where you five people can getlodging; for you see that this house is now filled with men of war, and so men of peace should be elsewhere? Would they take you in overat the village?"

"Yes, sir, it is like they would. "

"Very well. Here is three guineas to divide among you, and in a weekor thereabouts you will be back in your own place, so don't thinkdisaster has fallen on you. "

The old man took the money, but seemed in a strange state of hesitancyabout leaving. 

"You will be unhappy here, " I said, "for there will be gun-firing andsword-playing. Although I may not look it, I am the most bloodthirstyswordsman in England, with a mighty uncertain temper on me at times. So be off, the five of you!"

"But who is to be here to receive the family?" he asked. 

"What family?"

"Sir, we had word last night that the Earl of Westport and hisfollowing would come to this house to-day at two of the clock, and wehave much ado preparing for them; for the messenger said that he wasbringing many men with him. I thought at first that you were the men, or I would not have let you in. "

"Now the Saints preserve us, " cried I, "they'll be on us before we getthe windows barricaded. Tom Peel, " I shouted, "set your men to preparethe defence at once, and you'll have only a few hours to do it in. Come, old man, take your wife and your gardeners, and get away. "

"But the family, sir, the family, " cried the old man, unable tounderstand that they should not be treated with the utmost respect. 

"I will receive the family. What is that big house over there in thevillage?"

"The Manor House, sir. "

"Very well, get you gone, and tell them to prepare the Manor House forthe Earl of Westport and his following; for he cannot lodge hereto-night, "--and with that I was compelled to drag them forth, the oldwoman crying and the wench snivelling in company. I patted the ancientwife on the shoulder and told her there was nothing to be feared of;but I saw my attempt at consolation had little effect. 

Tom Peel understood his business; he had every door barred andstanchioned, and the windows protected, as well as the means to hishand would allow. Up stairs he knocked out some of the diamond panesso that the muzzle of a blunderbuss would go through. He seemed toknow the house as if it was his own; and in truth the timbers andmaterials for defence which he conjured up from the ample cellars orpulled down from the garret seemed to show that he had prepared theplace for defence long since. 

"Your honour, " he said, "two dangers threaten this house which you maynot be aware of. "

"And what are those, Tom?" I asked. 

"Well, the least serious one is the tunnel. There is a secret passagefrom this house down under the valley and out and up near the church. If it was not guarded they could fill this house unknown to you. Iwill stop this end of it with timber if your honour gives the word. There's not many knows of it, but the Earl of Westport is certain tohave the knowledge, and some of his servants as well. "

"Lead me to this tunnel, Tom, " said I, astonished at his information. 

We came to a door in one of the lower rooms that opened on a littlecircular stone stairway, something like a well, and, going down to thebottom, we found a tunnel in which a short man could stand upright. 

"Thunder and turf, Tom!" said I, "what did they want this for?"

"Well, some thought it was to reach the church, but no one ever livedin this house that was so anxious to get to church that he would gounderground to it. Faith, they've been a godless lot in Brede Placeuntil your honour came, and we were glad to see you bring a priestwith you. It put new heart in the men; they think he'll keep off SirGoddard Oxenbridge. "

"Does he live near here? What has he to do with the place?"

"He is dead long since, sir, and was owner of this house. Bulletwouldn't harm him, nor steel cut him, so they sawed him in two with awooden saw down by the bridge in front. He was a witch of the veryworst kind, your honour. You hear him groaning at the bridge everynight, and sometimes he walks through the house himself in two halves, and then every body leaves the place. And that is our most seriousdanger, your honour. When Sir Goddard takes to groaning through theserooms at night, you'll not get a man to stay with you, sir; but as hecomes up from the pit by the will of the Devil we expect his Reverenceto ward him off. "

Now this was most momentous news, for I would not stop in the placemyself if a ghost was in the habit of walking through it; but Icheered up Tom Peel by telling him that no imp of Satan could appearin the same county as Father Donovan, and he passed on the word to themen, to their mighty easement. 

We had a splendid dinner in the grand hall, and each of us was wellprepared for it; Father Donovan himself, standing up at the head ofthe table, said the holy words in good Latin, and I was so hungry thatI was glad the Latins were in the habit of making short prayers. 

Father Donovan and I sat at table with a bottle for company, and nowthat he knew all about the situation, I was overjoyed to find him aninhabitant of the same house; for there was no gentleman in all thecompany, except himself, for me to talk with. 

Suddenly there was a blast of a bugle, and a great fluttering outside. The lower windows being barricaded, it was not possible to see out ofthem, and I was up the stair as quick as legs could carry me; andthere in front were four horses harnessed to a great carriage, and init sat the old Earl and the Countess, and opposite them who but LadyMary herself, and her brother, Lord Strepp. Postilions rode two of thehorses, and the carriage was surrounded by a dozen mounted men. 

Everybody was looking at the house and wondering why nobody was thereto welcome them, and very forbidding this stronghold must have seemedto those who expected to find the doors wide open when they drove up. I undid the bolts of one of the diamond-paned windows, and, throwingit open, leaned with my arms on the sill, my head and shouldersoutside. 

"Good day to your ladyship and your lordship, " I cried, --and then alleyes were turned on me, --"I have just this day come into myinheritance, and I fear the house is not in a state to receivevisitors. The rooms are all occupied by desperate men and armed; but Ihave given orders to your servants to prepare the Manor House in thevillage for your accommodation; so, if you will be so good as to driveacross the valley, you will doubtless meet with a better receptionthan I can give you at this moment. When you come again, if there areno ladies of the party, I can guarantee you will have no complaint tomake of the warmth of your reception. "

His lordship sat dumb in his carriage, and for once her ladyshipappeared to find difficulty in choosing words that would do justice toher anger. I could not catch a glimpse of Lady Mary's face at all atall, for she kept it turned toward the village; but young Lord Strepprose in the carriage, and, shaking his fist at me, said:

"By God, O'Ruddy, you shall pay for this;" but the effect of the wordswas somewhat weakened by reason that his sister, Lady Mary, reachedout and pulled him by the coat-tails, which caused him to be seatedmore suddenly than he expected; then she gave me one rapid glance ofher eye and turned away her face again. 

Now his lordship, the great Earl of Westport, spoke, but not to me. 

"Drive to the village, " he said to the postilions; then horsemen andcarriage clattered down the hill. 

We kept watch all that night, but were not molested. In the southernpart of the house Father Donovan found a well-furnished chapel, andnext morning held mass there, which had a very quieting effect on themen, especially as Oxenbridge had not walked during the night. Theonly one of them who did not attend mass was Jem Bottles, who said hewas not well enough and therefore would remain on watch. Just as masswas finished Jem appeared in the gallery of the chapel and shoutedexcitedly:

"They're coming, sir; they're coming!"

I never before saw a congregation dismiss themselves so speedily. Theywere at their posts even before Tom Peel could give the order. Theopposing party was leaving the village and coming down the hill when Ifirst caught sight of them from an upper window. There seemedsomewhere between half a dozen and a dozen horsemen, and behind them agreat mob of people on foot that fairly covered the hillside. As theycrossed the brook and began to come up, I saw that their leader wasyoung Lord Strepp himself, and Jem whispered that the horsemen behindhim were the very men he had encountered on the road between Londonand Maidstone. The cavalry were well in advance, and it seemed thatthe amateur infantry took less and less pleasure in their excursionthe nearer they drew to the gloomy old house, so much so that LordStrepp turned back among them and appeared to be urging them to makehaste. However, their slow progress may be explained by the fact thata certain number of them were carrying a huge piece of timber, soheavy that they had to stagger along cautiously. 

"That, " said Tom Peel, who stood at my elbow, "is to batter in thefront door and take us by storm. If you give the word, your honour, wecan massacre the lot o' them before they get three blows struck. "

"Give command to the men, Peel, " said I, "not to shoot any one if theycan help it. Let them hold their fire till they are within fifty yardsor so of the front, then pass the word to fire into the gravel of theterrace; and when you shoot let every man yell as if he were a dozen, and keep dead silence till that moment. I'll hold up my hand when Iwant you to fire. "

There was a deep stillness over all the beautiful landscape. Thebushes and the wood, however, were an exception to this, although thesongs of the birds among the trees and singing of the larks high inthe air seemed not to disturb the silence; but the whole air of thecountry-side was a suggestion of restful peace, at great variance withthe designs of the inhabitants, who were preparing to attack eachother. 

Father Donovan stood beside me, and I saw his lips moving in prayer;but his eyes were dancing with irredeemable delight, while his breathcame quick and expectant. 

"I'm afraid those chaps will run at the first volley, " he said, smiling at me. "They come on very slowly and must be a great trial tothe young lord that's leading them. "

It was indeed a trial to the patience of all of us, for the timeseemed incredibly long till they arrived at the spot where I haddetermined they should at least hear the report of the blunderbusses, although I hoped none of them would feel the effects of the firing. Indeed, the horsemen themselves, with the exception of Lord Strepp, appeared to take little comfort in their position, and were now moreanxious to fall behind and urge on the others on foot than to lead theband with his lordship. 

I let them all get very close, then held up my hand, and you wouldthink pandemonium was let loose. I doubt if all the cannon in Corkwould have made such a noise, and the heathen Indians we read of inAmerica could not have given so terrifying a yell as came from my ninemen. The blunderbusses were more dangerous than I supposed, and theytore up the gravel into a shower of small stones that scattered farand wide, and made many a man fall down, thinking he was shot. Thenthe mob ran away with a speed which made up for all lost time comingthe other direction. Cries of anguish were heard on every side, whichmade us all laugh, for we knew none of them were hurted. The horsesthemselves seemed seized with panic; they plunged and kicked like mad, two riders being thrown on the ground, while others galloped acrossthe valley as if they were running away; but I suspect that theirowners were slyly spurring them on while pretending they had lostcontrol of them. Lord Strepp and one or two others, however, stoodtheir ground, and indeed his lordship spurred his horse up oppositethe front door. One of my men drew a pistol, but I shouted at him:

"Don't shoot at that man, whatever he does, " and the weapon waslowered. 

I opened the window and leaned out. 

"Well, Lord Strepp, " cried I, "'tis a valiant crowd you have behindyou. "

"You cursed highwayman, " he cried, "what do you expect to make bythis?"

"I expect to see some good foot-racing; but you are under an error inyour appellation. I am not a highwayman; it is Jem Bottles here whostopped nine of your men on the Maidstone road and piled their saddlesby the side of it. Is it new saddlery you have, or did you make aroadside collection?"

"I'll have you out of that, if I have to burn the house over yourhead. "

"I'll wager you'll not get any man, unless it's yourself, to come nearenough to carry a torch to it. You can easily have me out of thiswithout burning the house. Tell your father I am ready to compromisewith him. "

"Sir, you have no right in my father's house; and, to tell you thetruth, I did not expect such outlawry from a man who had shown himselfto be a gentleman. "

"Thank you for that, Lord Strepp; but, nevertheless, tell your fatherto try to cultivate a conciliatory frame of mind, and let us talk thematter over as sensible men should. "

"We cannot compromise with you, O'Ruddy, " said Lord Strepp in a verydetermined tone, which for the first time made me doubt the wisdom ofmy proceedings; for of course it was a compromise I had in mind allthe time, for I knew as well as Father Donovan that if he refused tosettle with me my position was entirely untenable. 

"We cannot compromise with you, " went on the young man. "You have noright, legal or moral, to this place, and you know it. I have advisedmy father to make no terms with you. Good day to you, sir. "

And with that he galloped off, while I drew a very long face as Iturned away. 

"Father Donovan, " I said, when I had closed the window, "I am not surebut your advice to me on the way here was nearer right than I thoughtat the time. "

"Oh, not a bit of it, " cried Father Donovan cheerfully. "You heardwhat the young man said, that he had advised his father not to makeany terms with you. Very well, that means terms have been proposedalready; and this youth rejects the wisdom of age, which I have knownto be done before. "

"You think, then, they will accept a conference?"

"I am sure of it. These men will not stand fire, and small blame tothem. What chance have they? As your captain says, he could annihilatethe lot of them before they crushed in the front door. The men who ranaway have far more sense than that brainless spalpeen who led them on, although I can see he is brave enough. One or two more useless attackswill lead him to a more conciliatory frame of mind, unless he appealsto the law, which is what I thought he would do; for I felt sure asheriff would be in the van of attack. Just now you are opposed onlyto the Earl of Westport; but, when the sheriff comes on, you'refornenst the might of England. "

This cheered me greatly, and after a while we had our dinner in peace. The long afternoon passed slowly away, and there was no rally in thevillage, and no sign of a further advance; so night came on andnothing had been done. After supper I said good-night to FatherDonovan, threw myself, dressed as I was, on the bed, and fell into adoze. It was toward midnight when Tom Peel woke me up; that man seemedto sleep neither night nor day; and there he stood by my bed, lookinglike a giant in the flicker of the candle-light. 

"Your honour, " he said, "I think there's something going on at themouth of the tunnel. Twice I've caught the glimpse of a light there, although they're evidently trying to conceal it. "

I sat up in bed and said:

"What do you propose to do?"

"Well, there's a man inside here that knows the tunnel just as well asI do, --every inch of it, --and he's up near the other end now. If acompany begins coming in, my man will run back without being seen andlet us know. Now, sir, shall I timber this end, or shall we deal withthem at the top of the stair one by one as they come up. One goodswordsman at the top of the stair will prevent a thousand getting intothe house. "

"Peel, " said I, "are there any stones outside, at the other end of thetunnel?"

"Plenty. There's a dyke of loose stones fronting it. "

"Very well; if your man reports that any have entered the tunnel, they'll have left one or two at the other end on guard; take you fiveof your most trusted men, and go you cautiously a roundabout wayuntil you are within striking distance of the men on guard. Watch thefront upper windows of this house; and if you see two lightsdisplayed, you will know they are in the tunnel. If you waited heretill your man comes back, you would be too late; so go now, and, ifyou see the two lights, overpower the men at the mouth of the tunnelunless they are too many for you. If they are, then there's nothing todo but retreat. When you have captured the guard, make them go downinto the tunnel; then you and your men tear down the dyke and fill thehole full of stones; I will guard this end of the passage. "

Tom Peel pulled his forelock and was gone at once, delighted with histask. I knew that if I got them once in the tunnel there would nolonger be any question of a compromise, even if Lord Strepp himselfwas leading them. I took two lighted candles with me and sat patientlyat the head of the stone stairway that led, in circular fashion, downinto the depths. Half an hour passed, but nothing happened, and Ibegan to wonder whether or not they had captured our man, whensuddenly his face appeared. 

"They are coming, sir, " he cried, "by the dozen. Lord Strepp isleading them. "

"Will they be here soon, do you think?"

"I cannot tell. First I saw torches appear, then Lord Strepp came downand began giving instructions, and, after counting nearly a score ofhis followers, I came back as quick as I could. "

"You've done nobly, " said I. "Now stand here with this sword andprevent any man from coming up. "

I took one of the candles, leaving him another, and lighted a third. Iwent up the stair and set them in the front window; then I openedanother window and listened. The night was exceedingly still, --noteven the sound of a cricket to be heard. After a few minutes, however, there came a cry, instantly smothered, from the other side of thevalley; another moment and I heard the stones a rolling, as if theside of a wall had tumbled over, which indeed was the case; then twolights were shown on the hill and were waved up and down; and althoughPeel and I had arranged no signal, yet this being the counterpart ofmy own, I took to signify that they had been successful, so, leavingthe candles burning there, in case there might have been some mistake, I started down the stair to the man who was guarding the secretpassage. 

"Has anything happened?"

"Nothing, sir. "

I think the best part of an hour must have passed before there wassign or sound. Of course I knew if the guards were flung down thehole, they would at once run after their comrades and warn them thatboth ends of the tunnel were in our possession. I was well aware thatthe imprisoned men might drag away the stones and ultimately win apassage out for themselves; but I trusted that they would bepanic-stricken when they found themselves caught like rats in a trap. In any case it would be very difficult to remove stones from below inthe tunnel, because the space was narrow and few could labour at atime; then there was every chance that the stones might jam, whennothing could be done. However, I told the man beside me to go acrossthe valley and ask Peel and his men to pile on rocks till he had agreat heap above the entrance, and, if not disturbed, to work tillnearly daylight, so I sat on the top of the circular stair step withmy rapier across my knees, waiting so long that I began to fear theyall might be smothered, for I didn't know whether the stopping of airat one end would prevent it coming in at the other, for I never heardmy father say what took place in a case like that. Father Donovan wasin bed and asleep, and I was afraid to leave the guarding of the stairto any one else. It seemed that hours and hours passed, and I began towonder was daylight never going to come, when the most welcome sound Iever heard was the well-known tones of a voice which came up from thebottom of the well. 

"Are you there, Mr. O'Ruddy?"

There was a subdued and chastened cadence in the inquiry that pleasedme. 

"I am, and waiting for you. "

"May I come up?"

"Yes, and very welcome; but you'll remember, Lord Strepp, that youcome up as a prisoner. "

"I quite understand that, Mr. O'Ruddy. "

So, as I held the candle, I saw the top of his head coming round andround and round, and finally he stood before me stretching out hissword, hilt forward. 

"Stick it in its scabbard, " said I, "and I'll do the same with mine. "Then I put out my hand, "Good morning to your lordship, " I said. "Itseems to me I've been waiting here forty days and forty nights. Willyou have a sup of wine?"

"I would be very much obliged to you for it, Mr. O'Ruddy. "

With that I called the nearest guard and bade him let nobody up thestair without my knowing it. 

"I suppose, my lord, you are better acquainted with this house than Iam; but I know a spot where there's a drop of good drink. "

"You have discovered the old gentleman's cellar, then?"

"Indeed, Lord Strepp, I have not. I possess a cellar of my own. It'syou that's my guest, and not me that's yours on this occasion. "

I poured him out a flagon, and then one for myself, and as we stood bythe table I lifted it high and said:

"Here's to our better acquaintance. "

His lordship drank, and said with a wry face, as he put down the mug:

"Our acquaintance seems to be a somewhat tempestuous one; but Iconfess, Mr. O'Ruddy, that I have as great a respect for yourgeneralship as I have for your swordsmanship. The wine is good andrevivifying. I've been in that accursed pit all night, and I came tothis end of it with greater reluctance than I expected to when Ientered the other. We tried to clear away the stones; but they musthave piled all the rocks in Sussex on top of us. Are your men toilingthere yet?"

"Yes, they're there, and I gave them instructions to work tilldaylight. "

"Well, Mr. O'Ruddy, my poor fellows are all half dead with fright, andthey fancy themselves choking; but although the place was foul enoughwhen we entered it, I didn't see much difference at the end. However, I did see one thing, and that was that I had to come and make terms. Iwant you to let the poor devils go, Mr. O'Ruddy, and I'll be parolethat they won't attack you again. "

"And who will give his parole that Lord Strepp will not attack meagain?"

"Well, O'Ruddy, "--I took great comfort from the fact that he droppedthe Mr. , --"Well, O'Ruddy, you see we cannot possibly give up thisestate. You are not legally entitled to it. It is ours and always hasbeen. "

"I'm not fighting for any estate, Lord Strepp. "

"Then, in Heaven's name, what are you fighting for?"

"For the consent of the Earl and Countess of Westport to my marriagewith Lady Mary, your sister. "

Lord Strepp gave a long whistle; then he laughed and sat down in thenearest chair. 

"But what does Mary say about it?" he asked at last. 

"The conceit of an Irishman, my lord, leads me to suspect that I canultimately overcome any objections she may put forward. "

"Oho! that is how the land lies, is it? I'm a thick-headed clod, or Iwould have suspected something of that sort when Mary pulled me downso sharply as I was cursing you at the front door. " Then, with aslight touch of patronage in his tone, he said:

"There is some difference in the relative positions of our families, Mr. O'Ruddy. "

"Oh, I'm quite willing to waive that, " said I. "Of course it isn'tusual for the descendant of kings, like myself, to marry a daughter ofthe mere nobility; but Lady Mary is so very charming that she morethan makes up for any discrepancy, whatever may be said for the restof the family. "

At this Lord Strepp threw back his head and laughed again joyously, crying, --

"King O'Ruddy, fill me another cup of your wine, and I'll drink toyour marriage. "

We drank, and then he said:

"I'm a selfish beast, guzzling here when those poor devils thinkthey're smothering down below. Well, O'Ruddy, will you let my unluckyfellows go?"

"I'll do that instantly, " said I, and so we went to the head of thecircular stair and sent the guard down to shout to them to come on, and by this time the daylight was beginning to turn the upper windowsgrey. A very bedraggled stream of badly frightened men began crawlingup and up and up the stairway, and as Tom Peel had now returned Iasked him to open the front door and let the yeomen out. Once on theterrace in front, the men seemed not to be able to move away, butstood there drawing in deep breaths of air as if they had never tastedit before. Lord Strepp, in the daylight, counted the mob, asking themif they were sure every one had come up, but they all seemed to bethere, though I sent Tom Peel down along the tunnel to find if any hadbeen left behind. 

Lord Strepp shook hands most cordially with me at the front door. 

"Thank you for your hospitality, O'Ruddy, " he said, "although I camein by the lower entrance. I will send over a flag of truce when I'veseen my father; then I hope you will trust yourself to come to theManor House and have a talk with him. "

"I'll do it with pleasure, " said I. 

"Good morning to you, " said Lord Strepp. 

"And the top o' the morning to you, which is exactly what we aregetting at this moment, though in ten minutes I hope to be asleep. "

"So do I, " said Lord Strepp, setting off at a run down the slope. 

CHAPTER XXXIII

Once more I went to my bed, but this time with my clothes off, for ifthere was to be a conference with the Earl and the Countess at theManor House, not to speak of the chance of seeing Lady Mary herself, Iwished to put on the new and gorgeous suit I had bought in London forthat occasion, and which had not yet been on my back. I was so excitedand so delighted with the thought of seeing Lady Mary that I knew Icould not sleep a wink, especially as daylight was upon me, but I hadscarcely put my head on the pillow when I was as sound asleep as anyof my ancestors, the old Kings of Kinsale. The first thing I knewPaddy was shaking me by the shoulder just a little rougher than awell-trained servant should. 

"Beggin' your pardon, " says he, "his lordship, the great Earl ofWestport, sends word by a messenger that he'll be pleased to haveaccount with ye, at your early convenience, over at the Manor Housebeyond. "

"Very well, Paddy, " said I, "ask the messenger to take my complimentsto the Earl and say to him I will do myself the honour of calling onhim in an hour's time. Deliver that message to him; then come back andhelp me on with my new duds. "

When Paddy returned I was still yawning, but in the shake of ashillelah he had me inside the new costume, and he stood back againstthe wall with his hand raised in amazement and admiration at the gloryhe beheld. He said after that kings would be nothing to him, andindeed the tailor had done his best and had won his guineas with morehonesty than you'd expect from a London tradesman. I was quietlypleased with the result myself. 

I noticed with astonishment that it was long after mid-day, so itoccurred to me that Lord Strepp must have had a good sleep himself, and sure the poor boy needed it, for it's no pleasure to spend lifeunderground till after you're dead, and his evening in the tunnel musthave been very trying to him, as indeed he admitted to me afterwardthat it was. 

I called on Father Donovan, and he looked me over from head to footwith wonder and joy in his eye. 

"My dear lad, you're a credit to the O'Ruddys, " he said, "and toIreland, " he said, "and to the Old Head of Kinsale, " he said. 

"And to that little tailor in London as well, " I replied, turningaround so that he might see me the better. 

In spite of my chiding him Paddy could not contain his delight, anddanced about the room like an overgrown monkey. 

"Paddy, " said I, "you're making a fool of yourself. "

Then I addressed his Reverence. 

"Father Donovan, " I began, "this cruel war is over and done with, andno one hurt and no blood shed, so the Earl--"

At this moment there was a crash and an unearthly scream, then a thudthat sounded as if it had happened in the middle of the earth. FatherDonovan and I looked around in alarm, but Paddy was nowhere to beseen. Toward the wall there was a square black hole, and, rushing upto it, we knew at once what had happened. Paddy had danced a bit tooheavy on an old trap-door, and the rusty bolts had broken. It had lethim down into a dungeon that had no other entrance; and indeed thiswas a queer house entirely, with many odd nooks and corners about it, besides the disadvantage of Sir Goddard Oxenbridge tramping throughthe rooms in two sections. 

"For the love of Heaven and all the Saints, " I cried down thistrap-door, "Paddy, what has happened to you?"

"Sure, sir, the house has fallen on me. "

"Nothing of the kind, Paddy. The house is where it always was. Are youhurted?"

"I'm dead and done for completely this time, sir. Sure I feel I'm withthe angels at last. "

"Tut, tut, Paddy, my lad; you've gone in the wrong directionaltogether for them. "

"Oh, I'm dying, and I feel the flutter of their wings, " and as hespoke two or three ugly blind bats fluttered up and butted theirstupid heads against the wall. 

"You've gone in the right direction for the wrong kind of angels, Paddy; but don't be feared, they're only bats, like them in my owntower at home, except they're larger. "

I called for Tom Peel, as he knew the place well. 

"Many a good cask of brandy has gone down that trap-door, " said he, "and the people opposite have searched this house from cellar togarret and never made the discovery Paddy did a moment since. "

He got a stout rope and sent a man down, who found Paddy much morefrightened than hurt. We hoisted both of them up, and Paddy was asight to behold. 

"Bad luck to ye, " says I; "just at the moment I want a presentable ladbehind me when I'm paying my respects to the Earl of Westport, youmust go diving into the refuse heap of a house that doesn't belong toyou, and spoiling the clothes that does. Paddy, if you were in a sevenyears' war, you would be the first man wounded and the last mankilled, with all the trouble for nothing in between. Is there anythingbroken about ye?"

"Every leg and arm I've got is broken, " he whimpered, but FatherDonovan, who was nearly as much of a surgeon as a priest, passed hishand over the trembling lad, then smote him on the back, and said theexercise of falling had done him good. 

"Get on with you, " said I, "and get off with those clothes. Washyourself, and put on the suit I was wearing yesterday, and see thatyou don't fall in the water-jug and drown yourself. "

I gave the order for Tom Peel to saddle the four horses and get six ofhis men with swords and pistols and blunderbusses to act as an escortfor me. 

"Are you going back to Rye, your honour?" asked Peel. 

"I am not. I am going to the Manor House. "

"That's but a step, " he cried in surprise. 

"It's a step, " said I, "that will be taken with dignity andconsequence. "

So, with the afternoon sun shining in our faces, we set out from thehouse of Brede, leaving but few men to guard it. Of course I ran therisk that it might be taken in our absence; but I trusted the word ofLord Strepp as much as I distrusted the designs of his father andmother, and Strepp had been the captain of the expedition against us;but if I had been sure the mansion was lost to me, I would have evadednone of the pomp of my march to the Manor House in the face of suchpride as these upstarts of Westports exhibited toward a representativeof a really ancient family like the O'Ruddy. So his Reverence and Irode slowly side by side, with Jem and Paddy, also on horseback, adecent interval behind us, and tramping in their wake that giant, TomPeel, with six men nearly as stalwart as himself, their blunderbussesover their shoulders, following him. It struck panic in the villagewhen they saw this terrible array marching up the hill toward them, with the sun glittering on us as if we were walking jewellery. Thevillagers, expecting to be torn limb from limb, scuttled away into theforest, leaving the place as empty as a bottle of beer after a wake. Even the guards around the Manor House fled as we approached it, forthe fame of our turbulence had spread abroad in the land. Lord Strepptried to persuade them that nothing would happen to them, for when hesaw the style in which we were coming he was anxious to make a showfrom the Westport side and had drawn up his men in line to receive us. But we rode through a silent village that might have been just sackedby the French. I thought afterward that this desertion had a subduingeffect on the old Earl's pride, and made him more easy to deal with. In any case his manner was somewhat abated when he received me. LordStrepp himself was there at the door, making excuses for the servants, who he said had gone to the fields to pick berries for their supper. So, leaving Paddy to hold one horse and Jem the other, with the sevenmen drawn up fiercely in front of the Manor House, Father Donovan andmyself followed Lord Strepp into a large room, and there, buried in anarm-chair, reclined the aged Earl of Westport, looking none toopleased to meet his visitors. In cases like this it's as well to begenial at the first, so that you may remove the tension in thebeginning. 

"The top of the morning--I beg your pardon--the tail of the afternoonto you, sir, and I hope I see you well. "

"I am very well, " said his lordship, more gruffly than politely. 

"Permit me to introduce to your lordship, his Reverence, FatherDonovan, who has kindly consented to accompany me that he may yieldtestimony to the long-standing respectability of the House ofO'Ruddy. "

"I am pleased to meet your Reverence, " said the Earl, although hisappearance belied his words. He wasn't pleased to meet either of us, if one might judge by his lowering countenance, in spite of mycordiality and my wish to make his surrender as easy for him aspossible. 

I was disappointed not to see the Countess and Lady Mary in the room, for it seemed a pity that such a costume as mine should be wasted onan old curmudgeon, sitting with his chin in his breast in the depthsof an easy-chair, looking daggers though he spoke dumplings. 

I was just going to express my regret to Lord Strepp that no ladieswere to be present in our assemblage, when the door opened, and whoshould sail in, like a full-rigged man-o'-war, but the Countessherself, and Lady Mary, like an elegant yacht floating in tow of her. I swept my bonnet to the boards of the floor with a gesture that wouldhave done honour to the Court of France; but her Ladyship tossed hernose higher in the air, as if the man-o'-war had encountered a hugewave. She seated herself with emphasis on a chair, and says I tomyself, "It's lucky for you, you haven't Paddy's trap-door under you, or we'd see your heels disappear, coming down like that. "

Lady Mary very modestly took up her position standing behind hermother's chair, and, after one timid glance at me, dropped her eyes onthe floor, and then there were some moments of silence, as if everyone was afraid to begin. I saw I was going to have trouble with theCountess, and although I think it will be admitted by my enemies thatI'm as brave a man as ever faced a foe, I was reluctant to throw downthe gage of battle to the old lady. 

It was young Lord Strepp that began, and he spoke most politely, aswas his custom. 

"I took the liberty of sending for you, Mr. O'Ruddy, and I thank youfor responding so quickly to my invitation. The occurrences of thepast day or two, it would be wiser perhaps to ignore--"

At this there was an indignant sniff from the Countess, and I fearedshe was going to open her batteries, but to my amazement she keptsilent, although the effort made her red in the face. 

"I have told my father and mother, " went on Lord Strepp, "that I hadsome conversation with you this morning, and that conditions might bearrived at satisfactory to all parties concerned. I have said nothingto my parents regarding the nature of these conditions, but I gainedtheir consent to give consideration to anything you might say, and toany proposal you are good enough to make. "

The old gentleman mumbled something incomprehensible in his chair, butthe old lady could keep silence no longer. 

"This is an outrage, " she cried, "the man's action has been scandalousand unlawful. If, instead of bringing those filthy scoundrels againstour own house, those cowards that ran away as soon as they heard thesound of a blunderbuss, we had all stayed in London, and you had hadthe law of him, he would have been in gaol by this time and notstanding brazenly there in the Manor House of Brede. "

And after saying this she sniffed again, having no appreciation ofgood manners. 

"Your ladyship has been misinformed, " I said with extreme deference. "The case is already in the hands of dignified men of law, who aremightily pleased with it. "

"Pleased with it, you idiot, " she cried. "They are pleased with itsimply because they know somebody will pay them for their work, evenit's a beggar from Ireland, who has nothing on him but rags. "

"Your ladyship, " said I, not loath to call attention to my costume, "I assure you these rags cost golden guineas in London. "

"Well, you will not get golden guineas from Brede estate, " snapped herladyship. 

"Again your ladyship is misinformed. The papers are so perfect, and sowell do they confirm my title to this beautiful domain, that themoney-lenders of London simply bothered the life out of me trying toshovel gold on me, and both his lordship and your ladyship know thatif a title is defective there is no money to be lent on it. "

"You're a liar, " said the Countess genially, although the Earl lookedup in alarm when I mentioned that I could draw money on the papers. Again I bowed deeply to her ladyship, and, putting my hands in mypockets, I drew out two handfuls of gold, which I strewed up and downthe floor as if I were sowing corn, and each guinea was no more than agrain of it. 

"There is the answer to your ladyship's complimentary remark, " said Iwith a flourish of my empty hands; and, seeing Lady Mary's eyesanxiously fixed on me, I dropped her a wink with the side of my facefarthest from the Countess, at which Lady Mary's eyelids droopedagain. But I might have winked with both eyes for all the Countess, who was staring like one in a dream at the glittering pieces that layhere and there and gleamed all over the place like the little yellowdevils they were. She seemed struck dumb, and if anyone thinks goldcannot perform a miracle, there is the proof of it. 

"Is it gold?" cried I in a burst of eloquence that charmed evenmyself, "sure I could sow you acres with it by the crooking of mylittle finger from the revenues of my estate at the Old Head ofKinsale. "

"O'Ruddy, O'Ruddy, " said Father Donovan very softly and reprovingly, for no one knew better than him what my ancestral revenues were. 

"Ah well, Father, " said I, "your reproof is well-timed. A man shouldnot boast, and I'll say no more of my castles and my acres, though theships on the sea pay tribute to them. But all good Saints preserve us, Earl of Westport, if you feel proud to own this poor estate of Brede, think how little it weighed with my father, who all his life did nottake the trouble to come over and look at it. Need I say more aboutKinsale when you hear that? And as for myself, did I attempt to layhands on this trivial bit of earth because I held the papers? You knowI tossed them into your daughter's lap because she was thefinest-looking girl I have seen since I landed on these shores. "

"Well, well, well, well, " growled the Earl, "I admit I have actedrashly and harshly in this matter, and it is likely I have done wrongto an honourable gentleman, therefore I apologize for it. Now, whathave you to propose?"

"I have to propose myself as the husband of your daughter, Lady Mary, and as for our dowry, there it is on the floor for the picking up, andI'm content with that much if I get the lady herself. "

His lordship slowly turned his head around and gazed at his daughter, who now was looking full at me with a frown on her brow. Although Iknew I had depressed the old people, I had an uneasy feeling that Ihad displeased Lady Mary herself by my impulsive action and mybragging words. A curious mildness came into the harsh voice of theold Earl, and he said, still looking at his daughter:

"What does Mary say to this?"

The old woman could not keep her eyes from the gold, which somehowheld her tongue still, yet I knew she was hearing every word that wassaid, although she made no comment. Lady Mary shook herself, as if toarouse herself from a trance, then she said in a low voice:

"I can never marry a man I do not love. "

"What's that? what's that?" shrieked her mother, turning fiercelyround upon her, whereat Lady Mary took a step back. "Love, love? Whatnonsense is this I hear? You say you will not marry this man to savethe estate of Brede?"

"I shall marry no man whom I do not love, " repeated Lady Mary firmly. 

As for me, I stood there, hat in hand, with my jaw dropped, as ifSullivan had given me a stunning blow in the ear; then the old Earlsaid sternly:

"I cannot force my daughter: this conference is at an end. The lawmust decide between us. "

"The law, you old dotard, " cried the Countess, rounding then on himwith a suddenness that made him seem to shrink into his shell. "Thelaw! Is a silly wench to run us into danger of losing what is ours? He_shall_ marry her. If you will not force her, then I'll coerce her;"and with that she turned upon her daughter, grasped her by her twoshoulders and shook her as a terrier shakes a rat. At this Lady Marybegan to weep, and indeed she had good cause to do so. 

"Hold, madam, " shouted I, springing toward her. "Leave the girl alone. I agree with his lordship, no woman shall be coerced on account ofme. "

My intervention turned the Countess from her victim upon me. 

"You agree with his lordship, you Irish baboon? Don't think she'llmarry you because of any liking for you, you chattering ape, whoresemble a monkey in a show with those trappings upon you. She'llmarry you because I say she'll marry you, and you'll give up thosepapers to me, who have sense enough to take care of them. If I have adoddering husband, who at the same time lost his breeches and hispapers, I shall make amends for his folly. "

"Madam, " said I, "you shall have the papers; and as for the breeches, by the terror you spread around you, I learn they are already in yourpossession. "

I thought she would have torn my eyes out, but I stepped back andsaved myself. 

"To your room, you huzzy, " she cried to her daughter, and Mary fledtoward the door. I leaped forward and opened it for her. She paused onthe threshold, pretending again to cry, but instead whispered:

"My mother is the danger. Leave things alone, " she said quickly. "Wecan easily get poor father's consent. "

With that she was gone. I closed the door and returned to the centreof the room. 

"Madam, " said I, "I will not have your daughter browbeaten. It isquite evident she refuses to marry me. "

"Hold your tongue, and keep to your word, you idiot, " she rejoined, hitting me a bewildering slap on the side of the face, after whichshe flounced out by the way her daughter had departed. 

The old Earl said nothing, but gazed gloomily into space from out thedepths of his chair. Father Donovan seemed inexpressibly shocked, butmy Lord Strepp, accustomed to his mother's tantrums, laughed outrightas soon as the door was closed. All through he had not been in theleast deceived by his sister's pretended reluctance, and recognizedthat the only way to get the mother's consent was through opposition. He sprang up and grasped me by the hand and said:

"Well, O'Ruddy, I think your troubles are at an end, or, " he cried, laughing again, "just beginning, but you'll be able to say more onthat subject this time next year. Never mind my mother; Mary is, andalways will be, the best girl in the world. "

"I believe you, " said I, returning his handshake as cordially as hehad bestowed it. 

"Hush!" he cried, jumping back into his seat again. "Let us all lookdejected. Hang your head, O'Ruddy!" and again the door opened, thistime the Countess leading Lady Mary, her long fingers grasping thatslim wrist. 

"She gives her consent, " snapped the Countess, as if she werepronouncing sentence. I strode forward toward her, but Mary wrenchedher wrist free, slipped past me, and dropped at the feet of FatherDonovan, who had risen as she came in. 

"Your blessing on me, dear Father, " she cried, bowing her head, "andpray on my behalf that there may be no more turbulence in my life. "

The old father crossed his hands on her shapely head, and for a momentor two it seemed as if he could not command his voice, and I saw thetears fill his eyes. At last he said simply and solemnly:--

"May God bless you and yours, my dear daughter. "

 * * * * *

We were married by Father Donovan with pomp and ceremony in the chapelof the old house, and in the same house I now pen the last words ofthese memoirs, which I began at the request of Lady Mary herself, andcontinued for the pleasure she expressed as they went on. If thisrecital is disjointed in parts, it must be remembered I was alwaysmore used to the sword than to the pen, and that it is difficult towrite with Patrick and little Mary and Terence and Kathleen andMichael and Bridget and Donovan playing about me and asking questions, but I would not have the darlings sent from the room for all thewritings there is in the world. 

 * * * * *