THE MIDDLE CLASS GENTLEMAN (Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme)

By MOLIERE (Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, 1622-1673)

Translated by Philip Dwight Jones

Comedy-Ballet presented at Chambord, for the entertainment of theKing, in the month of October 1670, and to the public in Paris forthe first time at the Palais-Royal Theater 23 November 1670

The Cast

 Monsieur Jourdain, bourgeois. Madame Jourdain, his wife. Lucile, their daughter. Nicole, maid. Cleonte, suitor of Lucile. Covielle, Cleonte's valet. Dorante, Count, suitor of Dorimene. Dorimene, Marchioness. Music Master. Pupil of the Music Master. Dancing Master. Fencing Master. Master of Philosophy. Tailor. Tailor's apprentice. Two lackeys. Many male and female musicians, instrumentalists, dancers, cooks, tailor's apprentices, and others necessary for the interludes. 

The scene is Monsieur Jourdain's house in Paris. 

ACT ONE

SCENE I (Music Master, Dancing Master, Musicians, and Dancers)

(The play opens with a great assembly of instruments, and in themiddle of the stage is a pupil of the Music Master seated at atable composing a melody which Monsieur Jourdain has ordered for aserenade. )

MUSIC MASTER: (To Musicians) Come, come into this room, sit thereand wait until he comes. 

DANCING MASTER: (To dancers) And you too, on this side. 

MUSIC MASTER: (To Pupil) Is it done?

PUPIL: Yes. 

MUSIC MASTER: Let's see. . . This is good. 

DANCING MASTER: Is it something new?

MUSIC MASTER: Yes, it's a melody for a serenade that I set him tocomposing here, while waiting for our man to awake. 

DANCING MASTER: May I see it?

MUSIC MASTER: You'll hear it, with the dialogue, when he comes. Hewon't be long. 

DANCING MASTER: Our work, yours and mine, is not trivial atpresent. 

MUSIC MASTER: This is true. We've found here such a man as we bothneed. This is a nice source of income for us--this MonsieurJourdain, with the visions of nobility and gallantry that he hasgotten into his head. You and I should hope that everyone resembledhim. 

DANCING MASTER: Not entirely; I could wish that he understoodbetter the things that we give him. 

MUSIC MASTER: It's true that he understands them poorly, but hepays well, and that's what our art needs now more than anythingelse. 

DANCING MASTER: As for me, I admit, I feed a little on glory. Applause touches me; and I hold that, in all the fine arts, it ispainful to produce for dolts, to endure the barbarous opinions of afool about my choreography. It is a pleasure, don't tell meotherwise, to work for people who can appreciate the fine points ofan art, who know how to give a sweet reception to the beauties of awork and, by pleasurable approbations, gratify us for our labor. Yes, the most agreeable recompense we can receive for the things wedo is to see them recognized and flattered by an applause thathonors us. There is nothing, in my opinion, that pays us better forall our fatigue; and it is an exquisite delight to receive thepraises of the well-informed. 

MUSIC MASTER: I agree, and I enjoy them as you do. There is surelynothing more agreeable than the applause you speak of; but thatincense does not provide a living. Pure praises do not provide acomfortable existence; it is necessary to add something solid, andthe best way to praise is to praise with cash-in-hand. He's a man, it's true, whose insight is very slight, who talks nonsense abouteverything and applauds only for the wrong reasons but his moneymakes up for his judgments. He has discernment in his purse. Hispraises are in cash, and this ignorant bourgeois is worth more tous, as you see, than the educated nobleman who introduced us here. 

DANCING MASTER: There is some truth in what you say; but I findthat you lean a little too heavily on money; and material interestis something so base that a man of good taste should never show anattachment to it. 

MUSIC MASTER: You are ready enough to receive the money our mangives you. 

DANCING MASTER: Assuredly; but I don't place all my happiness init, and I could wish that together with his fortune he had somegood taste in things. 

MUSIC MASTER: I could wish it too, that's what both of us areworking for as much as we can. But, in any case, he gives us themeans to make ourselves known in the world; and he will pay othersif they will praise him. 

DANCING MASTER: Here he comes. 

SCENE II (Monsieur Jourdain, Two Lackeys, Music Master, DancingMaster, Pupil, Musicians, and Dancers)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well gentlemen? What's this? Are you going toshow me your little skit?

DANCING MASTER: How? What little skit?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well, the. . . What-do-you-call it? Yourprologue or dialogue of songs and dances. 

DANCING MASTER: Ha, ha!

MUSIC MASTER: You find us ready for you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I kept you waiting a little, but it's becauseI'm having myself dressed today like the people of quality, and mytailor sent me some silk stockings that I thought I would never geton. 

MUSIC MASTER: We are here only to wait upon your leisure. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I want you both to stay until they have broughtme my suit, so that you may see me. 

DANCING MASTER: Whatever you would like. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You will see me fitted out properly, from headto foot. 

MUSIC MASTER: We have no doubt of it. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I had this robe made for me. 

DANCING MASTER: It's very attractive. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My tailor told me the people of quality dresslike this in the mornings. 

MUSIC MASTER: It's marvelously becoming. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hey lackeys! My two lackeys!

FIRST LACKEY: What do you wish, Sir?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Nothing. I just wanted to see if you were payingattention. (To the two masters) What say you of my liveries?

DANCING MASTER: They're magnificent. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Half opening his gown, showing a pair of tightred velvet breeches, and a green velvet vest, that he is wearing)Here again is a sort of lounging dress to perform my morningexercises in. 

MUSIC MASTER: It is elegant. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Lackey!

FIRST LACKEY: Sir?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The other lackey!

SECOND LACKEY: Sir?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hold my robe. (To the Masters) Do you think Ilook good?

DANCING MASTER: Very well. No one could look better. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Now let's have a look at your little show. MUSIC MASTER: I would like very much for you to listen to a melodyhe (indicating his student) has just composed for the serenade thatyou ordered from me. He's one of my pupils who has an admirabletalent for these kinds of things. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you should not have had that done by apupil; you yourself were none too good for that piece of work. 

MUSIC MASTER: You must not let the name of pupil fool you, sir. Pupils of this sort know as much as the greatest masters, and themelody is as fine as could be made. Just listen. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (To Lackeys) Give me my robe so I can listenbetter. . . Wait, I believe I would be better without a robe. . . No, give it back, that will be better. 

MUSICIAN: (Singing) I languish night and day, my suffering isextreme Since to your control your lovely eyes subjected me; If youthus treat, fair Iris, those you love, Alas, how would you treat anenemy?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: This song seems to me a little mournful, itlulls to sleep, and I would like it if you could liven it up alittle, here and there. 

MUSIC MASTER: It is necessary, Sir, that the tune be suited to thewords. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Someone taught me a perfectly pretty one sometime ago. Listen. . . Now. . . How does it go?

DANCING MASTER: By my faith, I don't know. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are sheep in it. 

DANCING MASTER: Sheep?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. Ah! (He sings) I thought my Jeanneton Asbeautiful as sweet; I thought my Jeanneton Far sweeter than asheep. Alas! Alas! She is a hundred times, A thousand times, morecruel Than tigers in the woods! Isn't it pretty?

MUSIC MASTER: The prettiest in the world. 

DANCING MASTER: And you sing it well. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's without having learned music. 

MUSIC MASTER: You ought to learn it, Sir, as you are learningdancing. They are two arts which have a close connection. 

DANCING MASTER: And which open the mind of a man to fine things. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And do people of quality learn music, too?

MUSIC MASTER: Yes sir. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll learn it then. But I don't know when I canfind time; for besides the Fencing Master who's teaching me, I havealso engaged a master of philosophy who is to begin this morning. 

MUSIC MASTER: Philosophy is something; but music, sir, music. . . 

DANCING MASTER: Music and dancing, music and dancing, that's allthat's necessary. 

MUSIC MASTER: There's nothing so useful in a State as music. 

DANCING MASTER: There's nothing so necessary to men as dancing. 

MUSIC MASTER: Without music, a State cannot subsist. 

DANCING MASTER: Without the dance, a man can do nothing. 

MUSIC MASTER: All the disorders, all the wars one sees in the worldhappen only from not learning music. 

DANCING MASTER: All the misfortunes of mankind, all the dreadfuldisasters that fill the history books, the blunders of politiciansand the faults of omission of great commanders, all this comes fromnot knowing how to dance. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How is that?

MUSIC MASTER: Does not war result from a lack of agreement betweenmen?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That is true. 

MUSIC MASTER: And if all men learned music, wouldn't that be ameans of bringing about harmony and of seeing universal peace inthe world?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are right. 

DANCING MASTER: When a man has committed a mistake in his conduct, in family affairs, or in affairs of government of a state, or inthe command of an army, do we not always say, "He took a bad stepin such and such an affair?"

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, that's said. 

DANCING MASTER: And can taking a bad step result from anything butnot knowing how to dance?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's true, you are both right. 

DANCING MASTER: It makes you see the excellence and usefulness ofmusic and the dance. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I understand that, now. 

MUSIC MASTER: Do you wish to see our pieces?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. 

MUSIC MASTER: I have already told you that this is a little attemptI have made to show the different passions that music can express. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very good. 

MUSIC MASTER (To musicians) Here, come forward. (To MonsieurJourdain) You must imagine that they are dressed as shepherds. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why always as shepherds? You see nothing butthat everywhere. 

MUSIC MASTER: When we have characters that are to speak in music, it's necessary, for believability, to make them pastoral. Singinghas always been assigned to shepherds; and it is scarcely naturaldialogue for princes or merchants to sing their passions. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Alright, alright. Let's see. 

DIALOGUE IN MUSIC: (A Woman and Two Men)

ALL THREE: A heart, under the domination of love, Is always with athousand cares oppressed. It is said that we gladly languish, gladly sigh; But, despite what can be said, There is nothing sosweet as our liberty!

FIRST MAN: There is nothing so sweet as the loving fires That maketwo hearts beat as one. One cannot live without amorous desires;Take love from life, you take away the pleasures. 

SECOND MAN: It would be sweet to submit to love's rule, If onecould find faithful love, But, alas! oh cruel rule! No faithfulshepherdess is to be seen, And that inconstant sex, much toounworthy, Must renounce love eternally. 

FIRST MAN: Pleasing ardor!

WOMAN: Happy liberty!

SECOND MAN: Deceitful woman!

FIRST MAN: How precious you are to me!

WOMAN: How you please my heart!

SECOND MAN: How horrible you are to me!

FIRST MAN: Ah, leave, for love, that mortal hate!

WOMAN: We can, we can show you a faithful shepherdess!

SECOND MAN: Alas! Where to find her?

WOMAN: In order to defend our reputation, I want to offer you myheart!

FIRST MAN: But, shepherdess, can I believe That it will not bedeceitful?

WOMAN: We'll see through experience, Who of the two loves best. 

SECOND MAN: Who lacks constancy, May the gods destroy!

ALL THREE: With ardors so beautiful Let us be inflamed! Ah, howsweet it is to love, When two hearts are faithful!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Is that all?

MUSIC MASTER: Yes. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I find it well-done, and there are some prettyenough sayings in it. 

DANCING MASTER: Here, for my presentation, is a little display ofthe loveliest movements and the most beautiful attitudes with whicha dance can possibly be varied. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Are these shepherds too?

DANCING MASTER: They're whatever you please. Let's go! (Fourdancers execute all the different movements and all the kinds ofsteps that the Dancing Master commands; and this dance makes theFirst Interlude. )

ACT TWO

SCENE I (Monsieur Jourdain, Music Master, Dancing Master, Lackeys)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That's not all that bad, and those people therehop around well. 

MUSIC MASTER: When the dance is combined with the music, it willhave even better effect, and you will see something quite good inthe little ballet we have prepared for you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That's for later, when the person I ordered allthis for is to do me the honor of coming here to dine. 

DANCING MASTER: Everything is ready. 

MUSIC MASTER: However, sir, this is not enough. A person like you, who lives magnificently, and who are inclined towards fine things, should have a concert of music here every Wednesday or everyThursday. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Is that what people of quality do?

MUSIC MASTER: Yes, Sir. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Then I'll have them. Will it be fine?

MUSIC MASTER: Without doubt. You must have three voices--a tenor, a soprano, and a bass, who will be accompanied by a bass-viol, atheorbo, and a clavecin for the chords, with two violins to playthe ritournelles. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You must also add a trumpet marine. The trumpetmarine is an instrument that pleases me and it's harmonious. 

MUSIC MASTER: Leave it to us to manage things. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: At least, don't forget to send the musicians tosing at table. 

MUSIC MASTER: You will have everything you should have. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But above all, let the ballet be fine. 

MUSIC MASTER: You will be pleased with it, and, among other things, with certain minuets you will find in it. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! Minuets are my dance, and I would like youto see me dance them. Come, my Dancing Master. 

DANCING MASTER: A hat, sir, if you please. La, la, la, la. La, la, la, la. In cadence please. La, la, la, la. Your right leg. La, la, la, la. Don't move your shoulders so. La, la, la, la. Your arms arewrong. La, la, la, la. Raise your head. Turn the toe out. La, la, la, la. Straighten your body up. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How was that? (Breathlessly)

MUSIC MASTER: The best. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By the way, teach me how to bow to salute amarchioness; I shall need to know soon. 

DANCING MASTER: How you must bow to salute a marchioness?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, a marchioness named Dorimene. 

DANCING MASTER: Give me your hand. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No. You only have to do it, I'll remember itwell. 

DANCING MASTER: If you want to salute her with a great deal ofrespect, you must first bow and step back, then bow three times asyou walk towards her, and at the last one bow down to her knees. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (After the Dancing Master has illustrated) Do itsome. Good!

LACKEY: Sir, your Fencing Master is here. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Tellhim to come in here for my lesson. I want you to see me perform. 

SCENE II (Fencing Master, Music Master, Dancing Master, MonsierJourdain, a Lackey)

FENCING MASTER: (After giving a foil to Monsieur Jourdain) Come, sir, the salute. Your body straight. A little inclined upon theleft thigh. Your legs not so wide apart. Your feet both in a line. Your wrist opposite your hip. The point of your sword even withyour shoulder. The arm not so much extended. The left hand at thelevel of the eye. The left shoulder more squared. The head up. Theexpression bold. Advance. The body steady. Beat carte, and thrust. One, two. Recover. Again, with the foot firm. Leap back. When youmake a pass, Sir, you must first disengage, and your body must bewell turned. One, two. Come, beat tierce and thrust. Advance. Stopthere. One, two. Recover. Repeat. Leap back. On guard, Sir, onguard. (The fencing master touches him two or three times with thefoil while saying, "On guard. " )

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How was that? (Breathlessly)

MUSIC MASTER: You did marvelously!

FENCING MASTER: As I have told you, the entire secret of fencinglies in two things: to give and not to receive; and as Idemonstrated to you the other day, it is impossible for you toreceive, if you know how to turn your opponent's sword from theline of your body. This depends solely on a slight movement of thewrist, either inward or outward. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: In this way then, a man, without courage, issure to kill his man and not be killed himself?

FENCING MASTER: Without doubt. Didn't you see the demonstration?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. 

FENCING MASTER: And thus you have seen how men like me should beconsidered by the State, and how the science of fencing is moreimportant than all the other useless sciences, such as dancing, music, . . . 

DANCING MASTER: Careful there, Monsieur swordsman! Speak of thedance only with respect. 

MUSIC MASTER: I beg you to speak better of the excellence ofmusic. 

FENCING MASTER: You are amusing fellows, to want to compare yoursciences with mine!

MUSIC MASTER: See the self-importance of the man!

FENCING MASTER: My little Dancing Master, I'll make you dance asyou ought. And you, my little musician, I'll make you sing in apretty way. 

DANCING MASTER: Monsieur Clanger-of-iron, I'll teach you yourtrade. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (To the Dancing Master) Are you crazy to quarrelwith him, who knows tierce and quarte, and who can kill a man bydemonstration?

DANCING MASTER: I disdain his demonstrations, and his tierce, andhis quarte. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Careful, I tell you. 

FENCING MASTER: What? You little impertinent!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! My Fencing Master. 

DANCING MASTER: What? You big workhorse!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! My Dancing Master. 

FENCING MASTER: If I throw myself on you. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Careful. 

DANCING MASTER: If I get my hands on you. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be nice!

FENCING MASTER: I'll go over you with a curry-comb, in such away. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Mercy!

DANCING MASTER: I'll give you a beating such as. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I beg of you!

MUSIC MASTER: Let us teach him a little how to talk!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh Lord! Stop. 

SCENE III (Philosophy Master, Music Master, Dancing Master, FencingMaster, Monsieur Jourdain, Lackeys)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Aha! Monsieur Philosopher, you come just in timewith your philosophy. Come, make a little peace among thesepeople. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: What's happening? What's the matter, gentlemen. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: They have got into a rage over the superiorityof their professions to the point of injurious words and of wantingto come to blows. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: What! Gentlemen, must you act this way? Haven'tyou read the learned treatise that Seneca composed on anger? Isthere anything more base and more shameful than this passion, whichturns a man into a savage beast? And shouldn't reason be themistress of all our activities?

DANCING MASTER: Well! Sir, he has just abused both of us by, despising the dance, which I practice, and music, which is hisprofession. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: A wise man is above all the insults that can bespoken to him; and the grand reply one should make to such outragesis moderation and patience. 

FENCING MASTER: They both had the audacity of trying to comparetheir professions with mine. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Should that disturb you? Men should not disputeamongst themselves about vainglory and rank; that which perfectlydistinguishes one from the other is wisdom and virtue. 

DANCING MASTER: I insist to him that dance is a science to whichone cannot do enough honor. 

MUSIC MASTER: And I, that music is something that all the ages haverevered. 

FENCING MASTER: And I insist to them that the science of fencing isthe finest and the most necessary of all sciences. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And where then will philosophy be? I find youall very impertinent to speak with this arrogance in front of me, and impudently to give the name of science to things that oneshould not even honor with the name of art, and that cannot beclassified except under the name of miserable gladiator, singer, and buffoon!

FENCING MASTER: Get out, you dog of a philosopher!

MUSIC MASTER: Get out, you worthless pedant!

DANCING MASTER: Get out, you ill-mannered cur!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: What! Rascals that you are. . . (The philosopherflings himself at them, and all three go out fighting). 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Rogues! Scoundrels! Insolent dogs!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!

FENCING MASTER: A pox on the beast!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Impudent rogues!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!

DANCING MASTER: The devil take the jackass!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Villains!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!

MUSIC MASTER: To the devil with the impertinent fellow!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Rascals! Beggars! Traitors! Impostors! (Theyleave). 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher, Gentlemen! MonsieurPhilosopher! Gentlemen! Monsieur Philosopher! Oh! Fight as much asyou like. I don't know what to do, and I'll not spoil my robe toseparate you. I would be a fool to go among them and receive somedamaging blow. 

ACT TWO

SCENE IV (Philosophy Master, Monsieur Jourdain)

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: (Straightening the collar that indicates he is aPhilosopher) Now to our lesson. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! Sir, I am distressed by the blows they gaveyou. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It's nothing. A philosopher knows how to takethese things and I'll compose a satire against them, in the styleof Juvenal, which will fix them nicely. Let it be. What would youlike to learn?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Everything I can, for I have every desire in theworld to be educated, and I'm furious that my father and mother didnot make me study all the sciences when I was young. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: This is a reasonable sentiment. Nam sinedoctrina vita est quasi mortis imago. You understand that, and youdoubtless know Latin?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but act as if I did not know it. Tell mewhat it says. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It says that without science life is almost animage of death. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That Latin is right. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Don't you know some principles, some basics ofthe sciences?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh yes! I can read and write. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Where would it please you for us to begin? Wouldyou like me to teach you logic?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What is this logic?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It is that which teaches the three operations ofthe mind. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What are these three operations of the mind?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The first, the second, and the third. The firstis to conceive well by means of the universals; the second is tojudge well by means of the categories; and the third is to drawwell a conclusion by means of figures. Barbara, Celarent, Darii, Ferio, Baralipton, etc. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Those words are too ugly. This logic doesn'tsuit me at all. Let's learn something else that's prettier. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Would you like to learn morality?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Morality?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What does it say, this morality?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It treats of happiness, teaches men to moderatetheir passions, and. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, let's leave that. I'm as choleric as all thedevils and there's no morality that sticks, I want to be as full ofanger as I want whenever I like. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Would you like to learn physics?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What's it about, this physics?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Physics explains the principles of naturalthings and the properties of the material world; it discourses onthe nature of the elements, of metals, minerals, of stones, ofplants and animals, and teaches the causes of all the meteors, therainbow, the will o' the wisps, the comets, lightning, thunder, thunderbolts, rain, snow, hail, winds, and whirlwinds. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There's too much commotion in it, too muchconfusion. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Then what do you want me to teach you?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Teach me how to spell. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very gladly. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Afterwards, you may teach me the almanack, toknow when there is a moon and when not. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: So be it. Following your thought and treatingthis matter as a philosopher, it is necessary to begin according tothe order of things, by an exact knowledge of the nature of lettersand the different ways of pronouncing them all. And thereupon Imust tell you letters are divided into vowels, called vowelsbecause they express the voice; and into consonants because theysound with the vowels and only mark the diverse articulations ofthe voice. There are five vowels or voices: A, E, I, O, U. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I understand all that. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel A is formed by opening the mouthwidely: A. Its vowels are to be given the sounds used invocalizing: Ah-aye-ee-o-ou. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, A. Yes. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel E is formed by approaching the lowerjaw to the upper: A, E. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E; A, E. By my faith, yes. Ah! How fine!PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And the vowel I, by bringing the jaws stillnearer each other and stretching the two corners of the mouthtowards the ears: A, E, I. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E, I. I. I. I. That's true. Long livescience!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel O is formed by opening the jaws anddrawing together the two corners of the lips, upper and lower: O. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O. There's nothing truer. A, E, I, O, I, O. . That's admirable! I, O, I, O. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The opening of the mouth happens to make alittle circle which represents an O. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O, O. You are right! O. Ah! What a fine thingit is to know something!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel U is formed by bringing the teethnearly together without completely joining them, and thrusting thetwo lips outward, also bringing them nearly together withoutcompletely joining them: U. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. There's nothing truer. U. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Your two lips thrust out as if you were making aface, whence it results that if you want to make a face at someoneand mock him, you have only to say to him "U. "

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. That's true. Ah! Why didn't I study soonerin order to know all that!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Tomorrow we shall look at the other letters, which are the consonants. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Are there things as curious about them as aboutthese?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Without a doubt. The consonant D, for example, is pronounced by clapping the tongue above the upper teeth: D. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: D, D, Yes. Ah! What fine things! Fine things!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The F, by pressing the upper teeth against thelower lip: F. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: F, F. That's the truth. Ah! My father and mymother, how I wish you ill!

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And the R, by carrying the tip of the tongue tothe top of the palate, so that being grazed by the air that comesout with force, it yields to it and comes back always to the sameplace, making a kind of trill: R. AR. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: R, R, AR. R, R, R, R, R, RA. That's true. Ah!What a clever man you are! And how I have lost time! R, R, R, AR. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I'll explain to you all these strange things totheir very depths. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Please do. But now, I must confide in you. I'min love with a lady of great quality, and I wish that you wouldhelp me write something to her in a little note that I will letfall at her feet. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very well. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That will be gallant, yes?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Without doubt. Is it verse that you wish towrite her?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no. No verse. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Do you want only prose?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I don't want either prose or verse. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It must be one or the other. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Because, sir, there is no other way to expressoneself than with prose or verse. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There is nothing but prose or verse?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: No, sir, everything that is not prose is verse, and everything that is not verse is prose. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And when one speaks, what is that then?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Prose. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! When I say, "Nicole, bring me my slippers, and give me my nightcap, " that's prose?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes, Sir. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith! For more than forty years I havebeen speaking prose without knowing anything about it, and I ammuch obliged to you for having taught me that. I would like then toput into a note to her: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyesmake me die of love, " but I want that put in a gallant manner andbe nicely turned. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Put it that the fires of her eyes reduce yourheart to cinders; that you suffer night and day for her thetorments of a. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no, no. I want none of that; I only want youto say "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die oflove. "

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The thing requires a little lengthening. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I tell you, I want only those words in thenote, but turned stylishly, well arranged, as is necessary. Pleasetell me, just to see, the diverse ways they could be put. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: One could put them first of all as you saidthem: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die oflove. " Or else: "Of love to die make me, beautiful marchioness, your beautiful eyes. " Or else: "Your lovely eyes, of love make me, beautiful marchioness, die. " Or else: "Die, your lovely eyes, beautiful marchioness, of love make me. " Or else: "Me make yourlovely eyes die, beautiful marchioness, of love. "

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But, of all those ways, which is the best?

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The way you said it: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love. "

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I never studied, and yet I made the whole thingup at the first try. I thank you with all my heart, and I ask youto come tomorrow early. 

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I shall not fail to do so. (He leaves). 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What? Hasn't my suit come yet?

THE LACKEY: No, Sir. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That cursed tailor makes me wait all day when Ihave so much to do! I'm enraged. May the quartan fever shake thattormentor of a tailor! To the devil with the tailor! May the plaguechoke the tailor! If I had him here now, that detestable tailor, that dog of a tailor, that traitor of a tailor, I. . . 

ACT TWO

SCENE V (Master Tailor, Apprentice Tailor carrying suit, MonsieurJourdain, Lackeys)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! You're here! I was getting into a rageagainst you. 

MASTER TAILOR: I could not come sooner, and I put twenty men towork on your suit. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You sent me some silk hose so small that I hadall the difficulty in the world putting them on, and already thereare two broken stitches. 

MASTER TAILOR: They get bigger, too much so. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, if I always break the stitches. You alsohad made for me a pair of shoes that pinch furiously. 

MASTER TAILOR: Not at all, sir. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How, not at all!

MASTER TAILOR: No, they don't pinch you at all. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I tell you, they pinch me. 

MASTER TAILOR: You imagine that. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I imagine it because I feel it. That's a goodreason for you!

MASTER TAILOR: Wait, here is the finest court-suit, and the bestmatched. It's a masterpiece to have invented a serious suit that isnot black. And I give six attempts to the best tailors to equalit. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What's this? You've put the flowers upsidedown. 

MASTER TAILOR: You didn't tell me you wanted them right side up. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Did I have to tell you that?

MASTER TAILOR: Yes, surely. All the people of quality wear themthis way. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The people of quality wear the flowers upsidedown?

MASTER TAILOR: Yes, Sir. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! It's alright then. 

MASTER TAILOR: If you like, I'll put them right side up. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no. 

MASTER TAILOR: You have only to say so. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I tell you. You've made it very well. Do youthink the suit is going to look good on me?

MASTER TAILOR: What a question! I defy a painter with his brush todo anything that would fit you better. I have a worker in my placewho is the greatest genius in the world at mounting a rhinegrave, and another who is the hero of the age at assembling a doublet. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The perruque and the plumes: are they correct?

MASTER TAILOR: Everything's good. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Looking at the tailor's suit) Ah! Ah! MonsieurTailor, here's the material from the last suit you made for me. Iknow it well. 

MASTER TAILOR: You see, the material seemed so fine that I wanted asuit made of it for myself. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you should not have cut it out ofmine. 

MASTER TAILOR: Do you want to put on your suit?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, give it to me. 

MASTER TAILOR: Wait. That's not the way it's done. I have broughtmen to dress you in a cadence; these kinds of suits are put on withceremony. Hey there! Come in, you! Put this suit on the gentlemanthe way you do with people of quality. 

(Four APPRENTICE TAILORS enter, two of them pull off MonsieurJourdain's breeches made for his morning exercises, and two otherspull off his waistcoat; then they put on his new suit; MonsieurJourdain promenades among them and shows them his suit for theirapproval. All this to the cadence of instrumental music. )

APPRENTICE TAILOR: My dear gentleman, please to give theapprentices a small tip. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What did you call me?

APPRENTICE TAILOR: My dear gentleman. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My dear gentleman! That's what it is to dresslike people of quality! Go all your life dressed like a bourgeoisand they'll never call you "My dear gentleman. " Here, take this forthe "My dear gentleman. "

APPRENTICE TAILOR: My Lord, we are very much obliged to you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: "My Lord!" Oh! Oh! "My Lord!" Wait, my friend. "My Lord" deserves something, and it's not a little word, this "MyLord. " Take this. That's what "My Lord" gives you. 

APPRENTICE TAILOR: My Lord, we will drink to the health of YourGrace. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: "Your Grace!" Oh! Oh! Oh! Wait, don't go. To me, "Your Grace!" My faith, if he goes as far as "Highness, " he willhave all my purse. Wait. That's for "My Grace. "

APPRENTICE TAILOR: My Lord, we thank you very humbly for yourliberality. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He did well, I was going to give himeverything. (The four Apprentice Tailors celebrate with a dance, which comprises the Second Interlude. )

ACT THREE

SCENE I (Monsieur Jourdain and his two Lackeys)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Follow me, I am going to show off my clothes alittle about town. And above all both of you take care to walkclose at my heels, so people can see that you are with me. 

LACKEYS: Yes, Sir. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Call Nicole for me, so I can give her someorders. Don't bother, there she is. 

ACT THREE

SCENE II (Nicole, Monsieur Jourdain, two Lackeys)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Nicole!

NICOLE: Yes, sir?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Listen. 

NICOLE: He, he, he, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What are you laughing about?

NICOLE: He, he, he, he, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What does the hussy mean by this?

NICOLE: He, he, he! Oh, how you are got up! He, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How's that?

NICOLE: Ah! Ah! Oh Lord! He, he, he, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What kind of little baggage is this? Are youmocking me?

NICOLE: Certainly not, sir, I should be very sorry to do so. He, he, he, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll give you a smack on the nose if you go onlaughing. 

NICOLE: Sir, I can't help it. He, he, he, he, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are not going to stop?

NICOLE: Sir, I beg pardon. But you are so funny that I couldn'thelp laughing. He, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What insolence!

NICOLE: You're so funny like that. He, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll. . . 

NICOLE: Please excuse me. He, he, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Listen. If you go on laughing the least bit, Iswear I'll give you the biggest slap ever given. 

NICOLE: Alright, sir, it's done, I won't laugh any more. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Take good care not to. Presently you must clean. . . 

NICOLE: He, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You must clean. . . 

NICOLE: He, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You must, I say, clean the room and. . . 

NICOLE: He, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Again! NICOLE: (Falling down with laughter)Then beat me sir, and let me have my laugh out, it will do me moregood. He, he, he, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm furious. 

NICOLE: Have mercy, sir! I beg you to let me laugh. He, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: If I catch you. . . 

NICOLE: Sir! I shall burst. . . Oh! if I don't laugh. He, he, he!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But did anyone ever see such a hussy as that, who laughs in my face instead of receiving my, orders?

NICOLE: What would you have me do, sir?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That you consider getting my house ready for thecompany that's coming soon, you hussy. 

NICOLE: Ah, by my faith, I don't feel like laughing any more. Allyour guests make such a disorder here that the word "company" isenough to put me in a bad humor. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why, should I shut my door to everyone for yoursake?

NICOLE: You should at least shut it to some people. 

ACT THREE

SCENE III (Madame Jourdain, Monsieur Jourdain, Nicole, Lackeys)

MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah, ah! Here's a new story! What's this, what'sthis, husband, this outfit you have on there? Don't you care whatpeople think of you when you are got up like that? And do you wantyourself laughed at everywhere?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: None but fools and dolts will laugh at me wife. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Truly, they haven't waited until now, your anticshave long given a laugh to everyone. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Who's everyone, if you please?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Everyone is everyone who is right and who is wiserthan you. For my part, I am scandalized at the life you lead. I nolonger recognize our house. One would say it's the beginning ofCarnival here, every day; and beginning early in the morning, so itwon't be forgotten, one hears nothing but the racket of fiddles andsingers which disturbs the whole neighborhood. 

NICOLE: Madame speaks well. I'll never be able to get my houseworkdone properly with that gang you have come here. They have feetthat hunt for mud in every part of town to bring it here; and poorFranoise almost has her teeth on the floor, scrubbing the boardsthat your fine masters come to dirty up every day. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What, our servant Nicole, you have quite atongue for a peasant. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Nicole is right, and she has more sense than you. I'd like to know what you think you're going to do with a DancingMaster, at your age?

NICOLE: And with a hulking Fencing Master who comes stamping hisfeet, shaking the whole house and tearing up all the floorboards inour drawing-room. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be quiet, both servant and wife!

MADAME JOURDAIN: Is it that you're learning to dance for the timewhen you'll have no legs to dance on?

NICOLE: Do you want to kill someone?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Quiet, I tell you! You are ignorant women, bothof you, and you don't know the advantages of all this. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: You should instead be thinking of marrying offyour daughter, who is of an age to be provided for. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll think of marrying off my daughter when asuitable match comes along, but I also want to learn about finethings. 

NICOLE: I heard said, Madame, that today he took a PhilosophyMaster to thicken the soup!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very well. I have a wish to have wit and toreason about things with decent people. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Don't you intend, one of these days, to go toschool and have yourself whipped at your age?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why not? Would to God I were whipped this minutein front of everyone, if I only knew what they learn at school!

NICOLE: Yes, my faith! That would get you into better shape. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Without doubt. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: All this is very important to the management ofyour house. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Assuredly. You both talk like beasts, and I'mashamed of your ignorance. For example, do you know what are youspeaking just now?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, I know that what I'm saying is well said andthat you ought to be considering living in another way. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that. I'm asking if youknow what the words are that you are saying here?

MADAME JOURDAIN: They are words that are very sensible, and yourconduct is scarcely so. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that, I tell you. I'masking you: what is it that I'm speaking to you this minute, whatis it?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Nonsense. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no! That's not it. What is it we are bothsaying, what language is it that we are speaking right now?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Well?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What is it called?

MADAME JOURDAIN: It's called whatever you want. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's prose, you ignorant creature. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Prose?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, prose. Everything is prose that is notverse; and everything that's not verse is prose. There! This iswhat it is to study! And you (to Nicole), do you know what you mustdo to say U?

NICOLE: What?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Say U, in order to see. 

NICOLE: Oh Well, U. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What do you do?

NICOLE: I say U. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but, when you say U, what do you do?

NICOLE: I do what you tell me to. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, how strange it is to have to deal withmorons! You thrust your lips out and bring your lower jaw to yourupper jaw: U, see? U. Do you see? I make a pout: U. 

NICOLE: Yes, that's beautiful. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: How admirable. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But it's quite another thing, if you have seenO, and D, D, and F, F. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What is all this rigmarole?

NICOLE: What does all this do for us?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It enrages me when I see these ignorant women. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Go, go, you ought to send all those people packingwith their foolishness. 

NICOLE: And above all, that great gawk of a Fencing Master, whoruins all my work with dust. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! This Fencing Master seems to get underyour skin. I'll soon show you how impertinent you are. (He has thefoils brought and gives one to Nicole). There. Demonstration: Theline of the body. When your opponent thrusts in quarte, you needonly do this, and when they thrust in tierce, you need only dothis. That is the way never to be killed, and isn't it fine to beassured of what one does, when fighting against someone? There, thrust at me a little, to see. 

NICOLE: Well then, what? (Nicole thrusts, giving him severalhits). 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Easy! Wait! Oh! Gently! Devil take the hussy!

NICOLE: You told me to thrust. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you thrust in tierce, before you thrustin quarte, and you didn't have the patience to let me parry. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: You are a fool, husband, with all your fantasies, and this has come to you since you took a notion to associate withthe nobility. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: When I associate with the nobility, I show mygood judgment; and that's better than associating with yourshopkeepers. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Oh yes, truly! There's a great deal to gain byconsorting with your nobles, and you did so well with your fineCount you were so taken with!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Peace! Think what you're saying. You know verywell, wife, that you don't know who you're talking about, when youtalk about him! He's a more important person than you think: agreat Lord, respected at court, and who talks to the King just as Italk to you. Is it not a thing which does me great honor, that aperson of this quality is seen to come so often to my house, whocalls me his dear friend and treats me as if I were his equal? Hehas more regard for me than one would ever imagine; and, in frontof everyone, he shows me so much affection that I am embarrassedmyself. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, he has a kindness for you, and shows hisaffection, but he borrows your money. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: So! Isn't it an honor for me to lend money to aman of that condition? And can I do less for a lord who calls mehis dear friend?

MADAME JOURDAIN: And this lord, what does he do for you?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Things that would astonish you if you knewthem. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Like what?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Blast! I cannot explain myself. It must sufficethat if I have lent him money, he'll pay it back fully, and beforelong. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes. You are waiting for that. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Assuredly. Didn't he tell me so?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, yes, he won't fail to do it. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He swore it on the faith of a gentleman. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Nonsense!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! You are very obstinate, wife. I tell youhe will keep his word, I'm sure of it. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: And I'm sure he will not, and that all his show ofaffection is only to flatter you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be still. Here he is. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: That's all we needed! He's come again perhaps toborrow something from you. The very sight of him spoils myappetite. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be still, I tell you. 

ACT THREE

SCENE IV (Count Dorante, Monsieur Jourdain, Madame Jourdain, Nicole)

DORANTE: My dear friend, Monsieur Jourdain, how do you do?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very well, sir, to render you my smallservices. 

DORANTE: And Madame Jourdain there, how is she?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Madame Jourdain is as well as she can be. 

DORANTE: Well! Monsieur Jourdain, you are excellently welldressed!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You see. 

DORANTE: You have a fine air in that suit, and we have no young menat court who are better made than you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! well!

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) He scratches him where it itches. 

DORANTE: Turn around. It's positively elegant. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) Yes, as big a fool behind as in front. 

DORANTE: My faith, Monsieur Jourdain, I was strangely impatient tosee you. You are the man in the world I esteem most, and I wasspeaking of you again this morning in the bedchamber of the King. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You do me great honor, sir. (To Madame Jourdain)In the King's bedchamber!

DORANTE: Come, put on. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir, I know the respect I owe you. 

DORANTE: Heavens! Put on your hat; I pray you, no ceremony betweenus. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir. . . 

DORANTE: Put it on, I tell you, Monsieur Jourdain: you are myfriend. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir, I am your humble servant. 

DORANTE: I won't be covered if you won't. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Putting on his hat) I would rather be uncivilthan troublesome. 

DORANTE: I am in your debt, as you know. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, we know it all too well. 

DORANTE: You have generously lent me money upon several occasions, and you have obliged me with the best grace in the world, assuredly. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir, you jest with me. 

DORANTE: But I know how to repay what is lent me, and toacknowledge the favors rendered me. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I have no doubt of it, sir. 

DORANTE: I want to settle this matter with you, and I came here tomake up our accounts together. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There wife! You see your impertinence!

DORANTE: I am a man who likes to repay debts as soon as I can. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Aside to Madame Jourdain) I told you so. 

DORANTE: Let's see how much do I owe you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Aside to Madame Jourdain) There you are, withyour ridiculous suspicions. 

DORANTE: Do you remember well all the money you have lent me?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I believe so. I made a little note of it. Hereit is. Once you were given two hundred louis d'or. 

DORANTE: That's true. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Another time, six-score. 

DORANTE: Yes. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And another time, a hundred andforty. 

DORANTE: You're right. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: These three items make four hundred and sixtylouis d'or, which comes to five thousand sixty livres. 

DORANTE: The account is quite right. Five thousand sixty livres. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: One thousand eight hundred thirty-two livres toyour plume-maker. 

DORANTE: Exactly. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Two thousand seven hundred eighty livres to yourtailor. 

DORANTE: It's true. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Four thousand three hundred seventy-nine livrestwelve sols eight deniers to your tradesman. 

DORANTE: Quite right. Twelve sols eight deniers. The account isexact. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And one thousand seven hundred forty-eightlivres seven sols four deniers to your saddler. 

DORANTE: All that is true. What does that come to?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sum total, fifteen thousand eight hundredlivres. 

DORANTE: The sum total is exact: fifteen thousand eight hundredlivres. To which add two hundred pistoles that you are going togive me, which will make exactly eighteen thousand francs, which Ishall pay you at the first opportunity. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) Well, didn't I predict it?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Peace!

DORANTE: Will that inconvenience you, to give me the amount I say?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, no!

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) That man is making a milk-cow out of you!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be quiet!

DORANTE: If that inconveniences you, I will seek it somewhereelse. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: NO, Sir. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) He won't be content until he's ruinedyou. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be quiet, I tell you. 

DORANTE: You have only to tell me if that embarrasses you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Not at all, sir. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) He's a real wheedler!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hush. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) He'll drain you to the last sou. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Will you be quiet?

DORANTE: I have a number of people who would gladly lend it to me;but since you are my best friend, I believed I might do you wrongif I asked someone else for it. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's too great an honor, sir, that you do me. I'll go get it for you. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) What! You're going to give it to himagain?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What can I do? Do you want me to refuse a man ofthis station, who spoke about me this morning in the King'sbedchamber?

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Aside) Go on, you're a true dupe. 

ACT THREE

SCENE V (Dorante, Madame Jourdain, Nicole)

DORANTE: You appear to be very melancholy. What is wrong, MadameJourdain?

MADAME JOURDAIN: I have a head bigger than my fist, even if it'snot swollen. 

DORANTE: Mademoiselle, your daughter, where is she that I don't seeher?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Mademoiselle my daughter is right where she is. 

DORANTE: How is she getting on?

MADAME JOURDAIN: She "gets on" on her two legs. 

DORANTE: Wouldn't you like to come with her one of these days tosee the ballet and the comedy they are putting on at court?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes truly, we have a great desire to laugh, a verygreat desire to laugh. 

DORANTE: I think, Madame Jourdain, that you must have had manyadmirers in your youth, beautiful and good humored as you were. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: By Our Lady! Sir, is Madame Jourdain decrepit, anddoes her head already shake with palsy?

DORANTE: Ah! My faith, Madame Jourdain, I beg pardon. I did notremember that you are young. I am often distracted. Pray excuse myimpertinence. 

ACT THREE

SCENE VI (Monsieur Jourdain, Madame Jourdain, Dorante, Nicole)MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are two hundred louis d'or. DORANTE: Iassure you, Monsieur Jourdain, that I am completely yours, and thatI am eager to render you a service at court. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN:I'm much obliged to you. DORANTE: If Madame Jourdain desires tosee the royal entertainment, I will have the best places in theballroom given to her. MADAME JOURDAIN: Madame Jourdain kissesyour hands [but declines]. DORANTE: (Aside to Monsieur Jourdain)Our beautiful marchioness, as I sent word to you, in my note, willcome here soon for the ballet and refreshments; I finally broughther to consent to the entertainment you wish to give her. MONSIEURJOURDAIN: Let us move a little farther away, for a certain reason. DORANTE: It has been eight days since I saw you, and I have sentyou no news regarding the diamond you put into my hands to presentto her on your behalf; but it's because I had the greatestdifficulty in conquering her scruples, and it's only today that sheresolved to accept it. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How did she judge it?

DORANTE: Marvelous. And I am greatly deceived if the beauty of thatdiamond does not produce for you an admirable effect on herspirit. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Would to Heaven!

MADAME JOURDAIN: (To Nicole) Once he's with him he cannot leavehim. 

DORANTE: I made her value as she should the richness of thatpresent and the grandeur of your love. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: These are, sir, favors which overwhelm me; and Iam in the very greatest confusion at seeing a person of yourquality demean himself for me as you do. 

DORANTE: Are you joking? Among friends, does one stop at thesesorts of scruples? And wouldn't you do the same thing for me, ifthe occasion offered?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! Certainly, and with all my heart. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (To Nicole) His presence weighs me down!

DORANTE: As for me, I never mind anything when it is necessary toserve a friend; and when you confided in me about the ardentpassion you have formed for that delightful marchioness with whom Ihave contacts, you saw that I volunteered immediately to assistyour love. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's true, these are favors that confound me. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (To Nicole) Will he never go?

NICOLE: They enjoy being together. 

DORANTE: You took the right tack to touch her heart. Women loveabove all the expenses we go to for them; and your frequentserenades, your continual bouquets, that superb fireworks for herover the water, the diamond she has received from you, and theentertainment you are preparing for her, all this speaks muchbetter in favor of your love than all the words you might havespoken yourself. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are no expenditures I would not make if bythat means I might find the road to her heart. A woman of qualityhas ravishing charms for me and it's an honor I would purchase atany price. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (To Nicole) What can they talk about so much?Steal over and listen a little. 

DORANTE: Soon enough you will enjoy at your ease the pleasure ofseeing her, and your eyes will have a long time to satisfythemselves. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: To be completely free, I have arranged for mywife to go to dinner at her sister's, where she'll spend all theafter-dinner hours. 

DORANTE: You have done prudently, as your wife might haveembarrassed us. I have given the necessary orders to the cook foryou, and for the ballet. It is of my own invention; and, providedthe execution corresponds to the idea, I am sure it will befound. . . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Sees that Nicole is listening, and gives her aslap) Say! You're very impertinent! (To Dorante) Let's go, if youplease. 

ACT THREE

SCENE VII (Madame Jourdain, Nicole)

NICOLE: My faith, Madame, curiosity has cost me; but I believesomething's afoot, since they were talking of some event where theydid not want you to be. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Today's not the first time, Nicole, that I've hadsuspicions about my husband. I'm the most mistaken woman in theworld, or there's some love-affair in the making. But let us see tomy daughter. You know the love Cleonte has for her. He's a man whoappeals to me, and I want to help his suit and give him Lucile, ifI can. 

NICOLE: Truly, Madame, I'm the most delighted creature in the worldto see that you feel this way, since, if the master appeals to you, his valet appeals to me no less, and I could wish our marriage madeunder the shadow of theirs. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Go speak to Cleonte about it for me, and tell himto come to me soon so we can present his request to my husband formy daughter in marriage. 

NICOLE: I hasten, Madame, with joy, for I could not receive a moreagreeable commission. (Alone) I shall, I think, make them veryhappy. 

ACT THREE

SCENE VIII (Cleonte, Covielle, Nicole)

NICOLE: Ah! I'm glad to have found you. I'm an ambassadress of joy, and I come. . . 

CLEONTE: Get out, traitor, and don't come to amuse me with yourtreacherous words. 

NICOLE: Is this how you receive me. . . 

CLEONTE: Get out, I tell you, and go tell your faithless mistressthat she will never again in her life deceive the too trustingCleonte. 

NICOLE: What caprice is this? My dear Covielle, explain a littlewhat you are trying to say. 

COVIELLE: Your dear Covielle, little hussy? Go, quickly, out of mysight, villainess, and leave me in peace. 

NICOLE: What! You come to me too. . . COVIELLE: Out of my sight, Itell you, and never speak to me again. NICOLE: My word! What flyhas bitten those two? Let's go tell this pretty story to mymistress. 

ACT THREE

SCENE IX (Cleonte, Covielle)

CLEONTE: What! Treat a lover in this way? And a lover who is themost faithful and passionate of lovers?

COVIELLE: It is a frightful thing that they have done to us both. 

CLEONTE: I show a woman all the ardor and tenderness that can beimagined; I love nothing in the world but her, and I have nothingbut her in my thoughts; she is all I care for, all my desire, allmy joy; I talk of nothing but her, I think of nothing but her, Ihave no dreams but of her, I breathe only because of her, my heartlives wholly in her; and see how so much love is well repaid! Ihave been two days without seeing her, which are for me twofrightful centuries; I meet her by chance; my heart, at that sight, is completely transported, my joy shines on my face; I fly withecstasy towards her--and the faithless one averts her eyes andhurries by as if she had never seen me in her life!

COVIELLE: I say the same things as you. 

CLEONTE: Covielle, can one see anything to equal this perfidy ofthe ungrateful Lucile?

COVIELLE: And that, Monsieur, of the treacherous Nicole?

CLEONTE: After so many ardent homages, sighs, and vows that I havemade to her charms!

COVIELLE: After so many assiduous compliments, cares, and servicesthat I rendered her in the kitchen!

CLEONTE: So many tears I have shed at her knees!

COVIELLE: So many buckets of water I have drawn for her!

CLEONTE: So much passion I have shown her in loving her more thanmyself!

COVIELLE: So much heat I have endured in turning the spit for her!

CLEONTE: She flies from me in disdain!

COVIELLE: She turns her back on me!

CLEONTE: It is perfidy worthy of the greatest punishments. 

COVIELLE: It is treachery that merits a thousand slaps. 

CLEONTE: Don't think, I beg you, of ever speaking in her favor tome. 

COVIELLE: I, sir? God forbid!

CLEONTE: Never come to excuse the action of this faithless woman. 

COVIELLE: Have no fear. 

CLEONTE; No, you see, all your speeches in her defense will serveno purpose. 

COVIELLE: Who even thinks of that?

CLEONTE: I want to conserve my resentment against her and end allcontact with her. 

COVIELLE: I agree. 

CLEONTE: This Count who goes to her house is perhaps pleasant inher view; and her mind, I well see, allows itself to be dazzled bysocial standing. But it is necessary for me, for my honor, toprevent the scandal of her inconstancy. I want to break off withher first and not leave her all the glory of dumping me. COVIELLE:That's very well said, and I agree, for my part, with all yourfeelings. 

CLEONTE: Strengthen my resentment and aid my resolve against allthe remains of love that could speak in her behalf. Tell me, Iorder you, all the bad you can of her; make for me a painting ofher that will render her despicable; and show well, in order todisgust me, all the faults that you can see in her. 

COVIELLE: Her, sir? There's a pretty fool, a well made flirt foryou to give so much love! I see only mediocrity in her, and youwill find a hundred women who will be more worthy of you. First ofall, she has small eyes. 

CLEONTE: That's true, she has small eyes; but they are full offire, the brightest, the keenest in the world, the most touchingeyes that one can see. 

COVIELLE: She has a big mouth. 

CLEONTE: Yes; but upon it one sees grace that one never sees onother mouths; and the sight of that mouth, which is the mostattractive, the most amorous in the world, inspires desire. 

COVIELLE: As for her figure, she's not tall. 

CLEONTE: No, but she is graceful and well made. 

COVIELLE: She affects a nonchalance in her speech and in heractions. 

CLEONTE: That's true; but she may be forgiven all that, for hermanners are so engaging, they have an irresistible charm. 

COVIELLE: As to her wit. . . 

CLEONTE: Ah! She has that, Covielle, the finest, the mostdelicate!

COVIELLE: Her conversation. . . 

CLEONTE: Her conversation is charming. 

COVIELLE: She is always serious. . . 

CLEONTE; Would you have grinning playfulness, constant openmerriment? And do you see anything more impertinent than thosewomen who laugh all the time?

COVIELLE: But finally she is as capricious as any woman in theworld. 

CLEONTE: Yes, she is capricious, I concede; but everything becomesbeautiful ladies well, one suffers everything for beauty. 

COVIELLE: I see clearly how it goes, you want to go on loving her. 

CLEONTE: Me, I'd like better to die; and I am going to hate her asmuch as I loved her. 

COVIELLE: How, if you find her so perfect?

CLEONTE: That's how my vengeance will be more striking, in that wayI'll show better the strength of my heart, by hating her, byquitting her, with all her beauty, all her charms, and as lovableas I find her. Here she is. 

ACT THREE

SCENE X (Cleonte, Lucile, Covielle, Nicole)

NICOLE: For my part, I was completely shocked at it. 

LUCILE: It can only be, Nicole, what I told you. But there he is. 

CLEONTE: I don't even want to speak to her. 

COVIELLE: I'll imitate you. 

LUCILE: What's the matter Cleonte? What's wrong with you?

NICOLE: What's the matter with you, Covielle?

LUCILE: What grief possesses you?

NICOLE: What bad humor holds you?

LUCILE: Are you mute, Cleonte?

NICOLE: Have you lost your voice, Covielle?

CLEONTE: Is this not villainous!

COVIELLE: It's a Judas!

LUCILE: I clearly see that our recent meeting has troubled you. 

CLEONTE: Ah! Ah! She sees what she's done. 

NICOLE: Our greeting this morning has annoyed you. COVIELLE: Shehas guessed the problem. 

LUCILE: Isn't it true, Cleonte, that this is the cause of yourresentment?

CLEONTE: Yes, perfidious one, it is, since I must speak; and I musttell that you shall not triumph in your faithlessness as you think, I want to be the first to break with you, and you won't have theadvantage of driving me away. I will have difficulty in conqueringthe love I have for you; it will cause me pain; I will suffer for awhile. But I'll come through it, and I would rather stab myselfthrough the heart than have the weakness to return to you. 

COVIELLE: Me too. 

LUCILE: What an uproar over nothing. I want to tell you, Cleonte, what made me avoid joining you this morning. 

CLEONTE: No, I don't want to listen to anything. . . 

NICOLE: I want to tell you what made us pass so quickly. 

COVIELLE: I don't want to hear anything. 

LUCILE: (Following Cleonte) Know that this morning. . . 

CLEONTE: No, I tell you. 

NICOLE: (Following Covielle) Learn that. . . 

COVIELLE: No, traitor. 

LUCILE: Listen. 

CLEONTE: I won't listen. 

NICOLE: Let me speak. 

COVIELLE: I'm deaf. 

LUCILE: Cleonte! CLEONTE: No. 

NICOLE: Covielle!

COVIELLE: I won't listen. 

LUCILE: Stop. 

CLEONTE: Gibberish!

NICOLE: Listen to me. 

COVIELLE: Rubbish!

LUCILE: One moment. 

CLEONTE: Never. 

NICOLE: A little patience. 

COVIELLE: Not interested!

LUCILE: Two words. 

CLEONTE: No, you've had them. 

NICOLE: One word. 

COVIELLE: No more talking. 

LUCILE: Alright! Since you don't want to listen to me, think whatyou like, and do what you want. 

NICOLE: Since you act like that, make whatever you like of it all. 

CLEONTE: Let us know the reason, then, for such a fine reception. 

LUCILE: It no longer pleases me to say. 

COVIELLE: Let us know something of your story. 

NICOLE: I, myself, no longer want to tell you. 

CLEONTE: Tell me. . . 

LUCILE: No, I don't want to say anything. 

COVIELLE: Tell it. . . 

NICOLE: No, I'll tell nothing. 

CLEONTE: For pity. . . 

LUCILE: No, I say. 

COVIELLE: Have mercy. 

NICOLE: It's no use. 

CLEONTE: I beg you. 

LUCILE: Leave me. . . 

COVIELLE: I plead with you. 

NICOLE: Get out of here. 

CLEONTE: Lucile!

LUCILE: No. 

COVIELLE: Nicole!

NICOLE: Never. 

CLEONTE: In the name of God!. . . 

LUCILE: I don't want to. 

COVIELLE: Talk to me. 

NICOLE: Definitely not. 

CLEONTE: Clear up my doubts. 

LUCILE: No, I'll do nothing. 

COVIELLE: Relieve my mind!

NICOLE: No, I don't care to. 

CLEONTE: Alright! since you are so little concerned to take me outof my pain and to justify yourself for the shameful treatment yougave to my passion, you are seeing me, ingrate, for the last time, and I am going far from you to die of sorrow and love. 

COVIELLE: And I--I will follow in his steps. 

LUCILE: Cleonte!

NICOLE: Covielle!

CLEONTE: What?

COVIELLE: Yes?

LUCILE: Where are you going?

CLEONTE: Where I told you. 

COVIELLE: We are going to die. 

LUCILE: You are going to die, Cleonte?

CLEONTE: Yes, cruel one, since you wish it. 

LUCILE: Me! I wish you to die?

CLEONTE: Yes, you wish it. 

LUCILE: Who told you that?

CLEONTE: Is it not wishing it when you don't wish to clear up mysuspicions?

LUCILE: Is it my fault? And, if you had wished to listen to me, would I not have told you that the incident you complain of wascaused this morning by the presence of an old aunt who insists thatthe mere approach of a man dishonors a woman--an aunt whoconstantly delivers sermons to us on this text, and tells us thatall men are like devils we must flee?

NICOLE: There's the key to the entire affair. 

CLEONTE: Are you sure you're not deceiving me, Lucile?

COVIELLE: Aren't you making this up?

LUCILE: There's nothing more true. 

NICOLE: It's the absolute truth. 

COVIELLE: Are we going to give in to this?

CLEONTE: Ah! Lucile, how with a word from your lips you are able toappease the things in my heart, and how easily one allows himselfto be persuaded by the people one loves!

COVIELLE: How easily we are manipulated by these blasted minxes!

ACT THREE

SCENE XI (Madame Jourdain, Cleonte, Lucile, Covielle, Nicole)

MADAME JOURDAIN: I am very glad to see you, Cleonte and you arehere at just the right time. My husband is coming, seize theopportunity to ask for Lucile in marriage. 

CLEONTE: Ah! Madame, how sweet that word is to me, and how itflatters my desires! Could I receive an order more charming, afavor more precious?

ACT THREE

SCENE XII (Monsieur Jourdain, Madame Jourdain, Cleonte, Lucile, Covielle, Nicole)

CLEONTE: Sir, I did not want to use anyone to make a request of youthat I have long considered. It affects me enough for me to takecharge of it myself; and, without further ado, I will say to youthat the honor of being your son-in-law is a glorious favor that Ibeg you to grant me. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Before giving you a reply, sir, I beg to ask ifyou are a gentleman. 

CLEONTE: Sir, most people don't hesitate much over this question. They use the word carelessly. They take the name without scruple, and the usage of today seems to validate the theft. As for me, Iconfess to you, I have a little more delicate feelings on thismatter. I find all imposture undignified for an honest man, andthat there is cowardice in disguising what Heaven made us at birth;to present ourselves to the eyes of the world with a stolen title;to wish to give a false impression. I was born of parents who, without doubt, held honorable positions. I have six years ofservice in the army, and I find myself established well enough tomaintain a tolerable rank in the world; but despite all that Icertainly have no wish to give myself a name to which others in myplace might believe they could pretend, and I will tell you franklythat I am not a gentleman. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Shake hands, Sir! My daughter is not for you. 

CLEONTE: What?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are not a gentleman. You will not have mydaughter. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What are you trying to say with your talk ofgentleman? Are we ourselves of the line of St. Louis?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Quiet, wife, I see what you are up to. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Aren't we both descended from good bourgeoisfamilies?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There's that hateful word!

MADAME JOURDAIN: And wasn't your father a merchant just like mine?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Plague take the woman! She never fails to dothis! If your father was a merchant, so much the worse for him!But, as for mine, those who say that are misinformed. All that Ihave to say to you is, that I want a gentleman for a son-in-law. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: It's necessary for your daughter to have a husbandwho is worthy of her, and it's better for her to have an honestrich man who is well made than an impoverished gentleman who isbadly built. 

NICOLE: That's true. We have the son of a gentleman in our villagewho is the most ill formed and the greatest fool I have ever seen. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hold your impertinent tongue! You always buttinto the conversation. I have enough money for my daughter, I needonly honor, and I want to make her a marchioness. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: A marchioness?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, marchioness. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Alas! God save me from it!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's a thing I have resolved. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: As for me, it's a thing I'll never consent to. Marriages above one's station are always subject to greatinconveniences. I have absolutely no wish for a son-in-law who canreproach her parents to my daughter, and I don't want her to havechildren who will be ashamed to call me their grandmother. If shearrives to visit me in the equipage of a great lady and if shefails, by mischance, to greet someone of the neighborhood, theywouldn't fail immediately to say a hundred stupidities. "Do yousee, " they would say, "this madam marchioness who gives herselfsuch glorious airs? It's the daughter of Monsieur Jourdain, who wasall too glad, when she was little, to play house with us; she's notalways been so haughty as she now is; and her two grandfathers soldcloth near St. Innocent's Gate. They amassed wealth for theirchildren, they're paying dearly perhaps for it now in the otherworld, and one can scarcely get that rich by being honest. " Icertainly don't want all that gossip, and I want, in a word, a manwho will be obliged to me for my daughter and to whom I can say, "Sit down there, my son-in-law, and have dinner with me. "

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Surely those are the sentiments of a littlespirit, to want to remain always in a base condition. Don't talkback to me: my daughter will be a marchioness in spite ofeveryone. And, if you make me angrier, I'll make a duchess ofher. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Cleonte, don't lose courage yet. Follow me, mydaughter, and tell your father resolutely that, if you can't havehim, you don't want to marry anyone. 

ACT THREE

SCENE XIII (Cleonte, Covielle)

COVIELLE: You've made a fine business, with your prettysentiments. 

CLEONTE: What do you want? I have a scruple about that whichprecedent cannot conquer. 

COVIELLE: Don't you make a fool of yourself by taking it seriouslywith a man like that? Don't you see that he is a fool? And would itcost you anything to accommodate yourself to his fantasies?

CLEONTE: You're right. But I didn't believe it necessary to provenobility in order to be Monsieur Jourdain's son-in-law. 

COVIELLE: Ha, ha, ha!

CLEONTE: What are you laughing at?

COVIELLE: At a thought that just occurred to me of how to play ourman a trick and help you obtain what you desire. 

CLEONTE: How?

COVIELLE: The idea is really funny. 

CLEONTE: What is it?

COVIELLE: A short time ago there was a certain masquerade whichfits here better than anything, and that I intend to make part of aprank I want to play on our fool. It all seems a little phony; but, with him, one can try anything, there is hardly any reason to besubtle, and he is the man to play his role marvelously and toswallow easily any fabrication we want to tell him. I have theactors, I have the costumes ready, just leave it to me. 

CLEONTE: But tell me. . . 

COVIELLE: I am going to instruct you in everything. Let's go, therehe is, returning. 

ACT THREE

SCENE XIV (Monsieur Jourdain, Lackey) MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What thedevil is this? They have nothing other than the great lords toreproach me with, and as for me, I see nothing so fine as toassociate with the great lords; there is only honor and civilityamong them, and I would have given two fingers of a hand to havebeen born a count or a marquis. LACKEY: Sir, here's the Count, andhe has a lady with him. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! My Goodness, Ihave some orders to give. Tell them I'll be back here soon. 

SCENE XV (Dorimene, Dorante, Lackey)

LACKEY: Monsieur says that he'll be here very soon. 

DORANTE: That's fine. 

DORIMENE: I don't know, Dorante; I feel strange allowing you tobring me to this house where I know no one. 

DORANTE: Then where would you like, Madame, for me to express mylove with an entertainment, since you will allow neither your housenor mine for fear of scandal?

DORIMENE: But you don't mention that every day I am graduallypreparing myself to receive too great proofs of your passion? Asgood a defense as I have put up, you wear down my resistance, andyou have a polite persistence which makes me come gently towhatever you like. The frequent visits began, declarationsfollowed, after them came serenades and amusements in their train, and presents followed them. I withstood all that, but you don'tgive up at all and step by step you are overcoming my resolve. Asfor me, I can no longer answer for anything, and I believe that inthe end you will bring me to marriage, which I have so faravoided. 

DORANTE: My faith! Madame, you should already have come to it. Youare a widow, and you answer only to yourself. I am my own masterand I love you more than my life. Why shouldn't you be all myhappiness from today onward?

DORIMENE: Goodness! Dorante, for two people to live happilytogether both of them need particular qualities; and two of themost reasonable persons in the world often have trouble making aunion satisfactory to them both. 

DORANTE: You're fooling yourself, Madame, to imagine so manydifficulties, and the experience you had with one marriage doesn'tdetermine anything for others. 

DORIMENE: Finally I always come back to this. The expenses that Isee you go to for me disturb me for two reasons: one is that theyget me more involved than I would like; and the other is that I amsure--meaning no offense--that you cannot do this withoutfinancially inconveniencing yourself, and I certainly don't wantthat. 

DORANTE: Ah! Madame, they are trifles, and it isn't by that. . . 

DORIMENE: I know what I'm talking about; and among other gifts, thediamond you forced me to take is worth. . . 

DORANTE: Oh! Madame, mercy, don't put any value on a thing that mylove finds unworthy of you, and allow. . . Here's the master of thehouse. 

ACT THREE

SCENE XVI (Monsieur Jourdain, Dorimene, Dorante, Lackey)

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (After having made two bows, finding himself toonear Dorimene) A little farther, Madame. 

DORIMENE: What?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: One step, if you please. 

DORIMENE: What is it?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Step back a little for the third. 

DORANTE: Madame, Monsieur Jourdain is very knowledgeable. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, it is a very great honor to me to befortunate enough to be so happy as to have the joy that you shouldhave had the goodness to accord me the graciousness of doing me thehonor of honoring me with the favor of your presence; and, if Ialso had the merit to merit a merit such as yours, and ifHeaven. . . Envious of my luck. . . Should have accorded me. . . Theadvantage of seeing me worthy. . . Of the. . . 

DORANTE: Monsieur Jourdain, that is enough. Madame doesn't likegrand compliments, and she knows that you are a man of wit. (Asideto Dorimene) As you can see, this good bourgeois is ridiculousenough in all his manners. 

DORIMENE: It isn't difficult to see it. 

DORANTE: Madame, he is the best of my friends. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You do me too much honor. 

DORANTE: A completely gallant man. 

DORIMENE: I have great esteem for him. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I have done nothing yet, Madame, to merit thisfavor. 

DORANTE: (Aside to Monsieur Jourdain) Take care, nonetheless, tosay absolutely nothing to her about the diamond that you gave her. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Can't I even ask her how she likes it?

DORANTE: What? Take care that you don't. That would be loutish ofyou; and, to act as a gallant man, you must act as though it werenot you who made her this present. (Aloud) Monsieur Jourdain, Madame, says he is delighted to see you in his home. 

DORIMENE: He honors me greatly. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How obliged I am to you, sir, for speaking thusto her for me!

DORANTE: I have had frightful trouble getting her to come here. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I don't know how to thank you enough. 

DORANTE: He says, Madame, that he finds you the most beautifulwoman in the world. 

DORIMENE: He does me a great favor. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, it is you who does the favors, and. . . 

DORANTE: Let's consider eating. 

LACKEY: Everything is ready, sir. 

DORANTE: Come then let us sit at the table. And bring on themusicians. 

(Six cooks, who have prepared the feast, dance together and makethe third interlude; after which, they carry in a table coveredwith many dishes. )

ACT FOUR

SCENE I (Dorimene, Monsieur Jourdain, Dorante, two Male Musicians, a Female Musician, Lackeys)

DORIMENE: Why, Dorante, that is really a magnificent repast!

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You jest, Madame; I wish it were worthy of beingoffered to you. (All sit at the table). 

DORANTE: Monsieur Jourdain is right, Madame, to speak so, and heobliges me by making you so welcome. I agree with him that therepast is not worthy of you. Since it was I who ordered it, andsince I do not have the accomplishments of our friends in thismatter, you do not have here a very sophisticated meal, and youwill find some incongruities in the combinations and somebarbarities of taste. If Damis, our friend, had been involved, everything would have been according to the rules; everything wouldhave been elegant and appropriate, and he would not have failed toimpress upon you the significance of all the dishes of the repast, and to make you see his expertise when it comes to good food; hewould have told you about hearth-baked bread, with its golden browncrust, crunching tenderly between the teeth; of a smooth, full-bodied wine, fortified with a piquancy not too strong, of aloin of mutton improved with parsley, of a cut of specially-raisedveal as long as this, white and delicate, and which is like analmond paste between the teeth, of partridges complimented by asurprisingly flavorful sauce, and, for his masterpiece, a soupaccompanied by a fat young turkey surrounded by pigeons and crownedwith white onions mixed with chicory. But, as for me, I declare myignorance; and, as Monsieur Jourdain has said so well, I only wishthat the repast were more worthy of being offered to you. 

DORIMENE: I reply to this compliment only by eating. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! What beautiful hands!

DORIMENE: The hands are mediocre, Monsieur Jourdain; but you wishto speak of the diamond, which is very beautiful. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Me, Madame? God forbid that I should wish tospeak of it; that would not be acting gallantly, and the diamond isa very small thing. 

DORIMENE: You are very particular. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are too kind. . . 

DORANTE: Let's have some wine for Monsieur Jourdain and for thesegentlemen and ladies who are going to favor us with a drinkingsong. 

DORIMENE: It is marvelous to season good food, by mixing it withmusic, and I see I am being admirably entertained. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, it isn't. . 

DORANTE: Monsieur Jourdain, let us remain silent for thesegentlemen and ladies; what they have for us to hear is of morevalue than anything we could say. (The male singers and the womansinger take the glasses, sing two drinking songs, and areaccompanied by all the instrumental ensemble. )

FIRST DRINKING SONG Drink a little, Phyllis, to start the glassround. Ah! A glass in your hands is charmingly agreeable! You andthe wine arm each other, And I redouble my love for you both Let usthree--wine, you, and me--Swear, my beauty, to an eternalpassion. Your lips are made yet more attractive by wetting withwine! Ah! The one and the other inspire me with desire And bothyou and it intoxicate me Let us three--wine, you, and me--Swear, my beauty, to an eternal passion. 

SECOND DRINKING SONG Let us drink, dear friends, let us drink; Timethat flies beckons us to it! Let us profit from life as much as wecan. Once we pass under the black shadow, Goodbye to wine, ourloves; Let us drink while we can, One cannot drink forever. Letfools speculate On the true happiness of life. Our philosophy Putsit among the wine-pots. Possessions, knowledge and glory Hardlymake us forget troubling cares, And it is only with good drink Thatone can be happy. Come on then, wine for all, pour, boys, pour, Pour, keep on pouring, until they say, "Enough. "

DORIMENE: I don't believe it's possible to sing better, and that ispositively beautiful. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I see something here, Madame, yet morebeautiful. 

DORIMENE: Aha! Monsieur Jourdain is more gallant than I thought. 

DORANTE: What! Madame, what did you take Monsieur Jourdain for?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I would like for her to take me at my word. 

DORIMENE: Again!

DORANTE: You don't know him. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: She may know me whenever it pleases her. 

DORIMENE: Oh! I am overwhelmed. 

DORANTE: He is a man who is always ready with a repartee. But don'tyou see that Monsieur Jourdain, Madame, eats all the pieces of foodyou have touched?

DORIMENE: I am captivated by Monsieur Jourdain. . . 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: If I could captivate your heart, I would be. . . 

ACT FOUR

SCENE II (Madame Jourdain, Monsieur Jourdain, Dorimene, Dorante, Musicians, Lackeys)

MADAME JOURDAIN: Aha! I find good company here, and I see that Iwas not expected. Was it for this pretty affair, Monsieur Husband, that you were so eager to send me to dinner at my sister's? I justsaw stage decorations downstairs, and here I see a banquet fit fora wedding. That is how you spend your money, and this is how youentertain the ladies in my absence, and you give them music andentertainment while sending me on my way. 

DORANTE: What are you saying, Madame Jourdain? And what fantasiesare you getting into your head that your husband spends his money, and that it is he who is giving this entertainment to Madame?Please know that it is I; that he only lends me his house, and thatyou ought to think more about the things you say. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, what impertinence. It is the Count whopresents all this to Madame, who is a person of quality. He does methe honor of using my house and of wishing me to be with him. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: All that's nonsense. I know what I know. 

DORANTE: Come Madame Jourdain, put on better glasses. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I don't need glasses, sir, I see well enough; Ihave had suspicions for a long time, and I'm not a fool. This isvery low of you, of a great lord, to lend a hand as you do to thefollies of my husband. And you, Madame, for a great lady, it isneither fine nor honest of you to cause dissension in a householdand to allow my husband to be in love with you. 

DORIMENE: What is she trying to say with all this? GoodnessDorante! You have outdone yourself by exposing me to the absurdfantasies of this ridiculous woman. 

DORANTE: Madame, wait! Madame, where are you going?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame! Monsieur Count, make excuses to her andtry to bring her back. Ah! You impertinent creature, this is a fineway to act! You come and insult me in front of everybody, and youdrive from me people of quality. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I laugh at their quality. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I don't know who holds me back, evil creature, from breaking your head with the remains of the repast you came todisrupt. (The table is removed). 

MADAME JOURDAIN: (Leaving) I'm not concerned. These are my rightsthat I defend, and I'll have all wives on my side. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You do well to avoid my rage. She arrived veryinopportunely. I was in the mood to say pretty things, and I hadnever felt so witty. What's that?

ACT FOUR

SCENE III (Covielle, disguised; Monsieur Jourdain, Lackey)

COVIELLE: Sir, I don't know if I have the honor to be known toyou?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, sir. 

COVIELLE: I saw you when you were no taller than that. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Me?

COVIELLE: Yes. You were the most beautiful child in the world, andall the ladies took you in their arms to kiss you. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: To kiss me?

COVIELLE: Yes, I was a great friend of your late father. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Of my late father?

COVIELLE: Yes. He was a very honorable gentleman. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What did you say?

COVIELLE: I said that he was a very honorable gentleman. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My father?

COVIELLE: Yes. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You knew him very well?

COVIELLE: Assuredly. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And you knew him as a gentleman?

COVIELLE: Without doubt. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Then I don't know what is going on!

COVIELLE: What?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are some fools who want to tell me that hewas a tradesman. 

COVIELLE: Him, a tradesman! It's pure slander, he never was one. All that he did was to be very obliging, very ready to help; and, since he was a connoisseur in cloth, he went all over to choosethem, had them brought to his house, and gave them to his friendsfor money. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm delighted to know you, so you can testify tothe fact that my father was a gentleman. 

COVIELLE: I'll attest to it before all the world. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You'll oblige me. What business brings youhere?

COVIELLE: Since knowing your late father, honorable gentleman, as Itold you, I have traveled through all the world. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Through all the world!

COVIELLE: Yes. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I imagine it's a long way from here to there. 

COVIELLE: Assuredly. I returned from all my long voyages only fourdays ago; and because of the interest I take in all that concernsyou, I come to announce to you the best news in the world. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What?

COVIELLE: You know that the son of the Grand Turk is here?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Me? No. 

COVIELLE: What! He has a very magnificent retinue; everybody goesto see it, and he has been received in this country as an importantlord. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith! I didn't know that. 

COVIELLE: The advantage to you in this is that he is in love withyour daughter. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The son of the Grand Turk?

COVIELLE: Yes. And he wants to be your son-in-law. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My son-in-law, the son of the Grand Turk?

COVIELLE: The son of the Grand Turk your son-in-law. As I went tosee him, and as I perfectly understand his language, he conversedwith me; and, after some other discourse, he said to me, "Acciamcroc soler ouch alla moustaph gidelum amanahem varahini ousserecarbulath, " that is to say, "Haven't you seen a beautiful youngperson who is the daughter of Monsieur Jourdain, gentleman ofParis?"

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The son of the Grand Turk said that of me?

COVIELLE: Yes. Inasmuch as I told him in reply that I knew youparticularly well and that I had seen your daughter: "Ah!" he saidto me, "marababa sahem;" Which is to say, "Ah, how I am enamored ofher!"

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: "Marababa sahem" means "Ah, how I am enamored ofher"?

COVIELLE: Yes. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith, you do well to tell me, since, asfor me, I would never have believed that "marababa sahem" couldhave meant to say "Oh, how I am enamored of her!" What an admirablelanguage Turkish is!

COVIELLE: More admirable than one can believe. Do you know whatCacaracamouchen means?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Cacaracamouchen? No. 

COVIELLE: It means: It means, "My dear soul. "

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Cacaracamouchen means "My dear soul?"

COVIELLE: Yes. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That's marvelous! Cacaracamouchen, my dearsoul. Who would have thought? I'm dumbfounded. 

COVIELLE: Finally, to complete my assignment, he comes to ask foryour daughter in marriage; and in order to have a father-in-law whoshould be worthy of him, he wants to make you a Mamamouchi, whichis a certain high rank in his country. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Mamamouchi?'

COVIELLE: Yes, Mamamouchi; that is to say, in our language, aPaladin. Paladin is one of those ancient. . . Well, Paladin!There is none nobler than that in the world, and you will be equalto the greatest lords of the earth. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The son of the Grand Turk honors me greatly. Please take me to him in order to express my thanks. 

COVIELLE: What! He is going to come here. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He's coming here?

COVIELLE: Yes. And he is bringing everything for the ceremony ofbestowing your rank. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That seems very quick. 

COVIELLE: His love can suffer no delay. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: All that embarrasses me here is that my daughteris a stubborn one who has gotten into her head a certain Cleonte, and she swears she'll marry no one but him. 

COVIELLE: She'll change her mind when she sees the son of the GrandTurk; and then there is a remarkable coincidence here, it is thatthe son of the Grand Turk resembles this Cleonte very closely. Ijust saw him, someone showed him to me; and the love she has forthe one can easily pass to the other, and. . . I hear him coming. There he is. 

ACT FOUR

SCENE IV (Cleonte, as a Turk, with three Pages carrying his outerclothes, Monsieur Jourdain, Covielle, disguised. )

CLEONTE: Ambousahim oqui boraf, Iordina, salamalequi. 

COVIELLE: That is to say: "Monsieur Jourdain, may your heart be allthe year like a flowering rosebush. " This is the way of speakingpolitely in those countries. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I am the most humble servant of His TurkishHighness. 

COVIELLE: Carigar camboto oustin moraf. 

CLEONTE: Oustin yoc catamalequi basum base alla moran. 

COVIELLE: He says: "Heaven gives you the strength of lions and thewisdom of serpents. "

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: His Turkish Highness honors me too much, and Iwish him all sorts of good fortune. 

COVIELLE: Ossa binamen sadoc babally oracaf ouram. 

CLEONTE: Bel-men. 

COVIELLE: He says that you should go with him quickly to prepareyourself for the ceremony; then you can see your daughter andconclude the marriage. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: So many things in two words?

COVIELLE: Yes; the Turkish language is like that, it says much infew words. Go quickly where he wants. 

ACT FOUR

SCENE V (Dorante, Covielle)

COVIELLE: Ha, ha, ha! My faith, that was hilarious. What a dupe! Ifhe had learned his role by heart, he could not have played itbetter. Ah! Ah! Excuse me, Sir, Wouldn't you like to help us herein an affair that is taking place. 

DORANTE: Ah! Ah! Covielle, who would have recognized you? How youare made up!

COVIELLE: You see, ha, ha!

DORANTE: What are you laughing at?

COVIELLE: At a thing, Sir, that well deserves it. 

DORANTE: What?

COVIELLE: I'll give you many chances, Sir, to guess the stratagemwe are using on Monsieur Jourdain to get him to give his daughterto my master. 

DORANTE: I can't begin to guess the stratagem, but I guess it willnot fail in its effect, since you are undertaking it. 

COVIELLE: I see, Sir, that you know me too well. 

DORANTE: Tell me what it is. 

COVIELLE: Come over here a little to make room for what I seecoming. You can see part of the story, while I tell you the rest. 

(The Turkish ceremony for ennobling Monsieur Jourdain is performedin dance and music, and comprises the Fourth Interlude. ) [Theceremony is a burlesque full of comic gibberish in pseudo-Turkishand nonsensical French, in which Monsieur Jourdain is made toappear ludicrous and during which he is outfitted with anextravagant costume, turban, and sword. ]

ACT FIVE

SCENE I (Madame Jourdaine, Monsieur Jourdain)

MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah, My God! Mercy! What is all of this? What aspectacle! Are you dressed for a masquerade, and is this a time togo masked? Speak then, what is this? Who has bundled you up likethat?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: See the impertinent woman, to speak in this wayto a Mamamouchi!

MADAME JOURDAIN: How's that?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, you must show me respect now, as I've justbeen made a Mamamouchi. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What are you trying to say with your Mamamouchi?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Mamamouchi, I tell you. I'm a Mamamouchi. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What animal is that?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Mamamouchi, that is to say, in our language, Paladin. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Baladin! Are you of an age to dance in ballets?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What an ignorant woman! I said Paladin. It's adignity which has just been bestowed upon me in a ceremony. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What ceremony then?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Mahometa-per-Jordina. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What does that mean?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Jordina, that is to say, Jourdain. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Very well, what of Jourdain?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Voler far un Paladina de Jordina. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Dar turbanta con galera. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Which is to say what? MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Perdeffender Palestina. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What are you trying to say?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Dara, dara, bastonnara. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What jargon is this?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Non tener honta, questa star l'ultima affronta. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: What in the world is all that?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Dancing and singing). Hou la ba, Ba la chou, bala ba, ba la da. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Alas! Oh Lord, my husband has gone mad. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (Leaving) Peace, insolent woman! Show respect tothe Monsieur Mamamouchi. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Has he lost his mind? I must hurry to stop himfrom going out. Ah! Ah! This is the last straw! I see nothing butshame on all sides. (She leaves. )

Act FIVE

SCENE II (Dorante, Dorimene)

DORANTE: Yes, Madame, you are going to see the most amusing thingimaginable. I don't believe it would be possible to find in all theworld another man as crazy as that one is. And then too, Madame, wemust try to help Cleonte's plan by supporting his masquerade. He'sa very gallant man and deserves our help. 

DORIMENE: I think highly of him and he deserves happiness. 

DORANTE: Besides that, we have here, Madame, another balletperformance that we shouldn't miss, and I want to see if my ideawill succeed. 

DORIMENE: I saw magnificent preparations, and I can no longerpermit this Dorante. Yes, I finally want to end your extravagancesand to stop all these expenses that I see you go to for me, I havedecided to marry you right away. This is the truth of it, that allthese sorts of things end with marriage, as you know. 

DORANTE: Ah! Madame, is it possible that you should have taken sucha sweet decision in my favor?

DORIMENE: It is only to impede you from ruining yourself; withoutthat, I see very well that before long you would not have a penny. 

DORANTE: How obliged I am to you, Madame, for the care you have toconserve my money! It is entirely yours, as well as my heart, andyou may use them in whatever fashion you please. 

DORIMENE: I'll make use of them both. But here is your man: hiscostume is wonderful. 

ACT FIVE

SCENE III (Monsieur Jourdain, Dorante, Dorimene)

DORANTE: Sir, we come to pay homage, Madame and I, to your newdignity, and to rejoice with you at the marriage between yourdaughter and the son of the Grand Turk. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: (After bowing in the Turkish way) Sir, I wishyou the strength of serpents and the wisdom of lions. 

DORIMENE: I was very glad, Sir, to be among the first to come tocongratulate you upon rising to such a high degree of honor. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, I wish your rosebush to flower all yearlong; I am infinitely obliged to you for taking part in the honorsbestowed upon me; and I am very happy to see you returned here, soI can make very humble excuses for the ridiculous behavior of mywife. 

DORIMENE: That's nothing. I excuse her jumping to conclusions:your heart must be precious to her, and it isn't strange that thepossession of such a man as you should inspire some jealousy. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The possession of my heart is a thing that hasbeen entirely gained by you. 

DORANTE: You see, Madame, that Monsieur Jourdain is not one ofthose men that good fortune blinds, and that he still knows, evenin his glory, how to recognize his friends. 

DORIMENE: It is the mark of a completely generous soul. 

DORANTE: Where then is His Turkish Highness? We want, as yourfriends, to pay him our respects. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There he comes, and I have sent for my daughterin order to give him her hand. 

ACT FIVE

SCENE IV (Cleonte, Covielle, Monsieur Jourdain, etc. )

DORANTE: Sir, we come to bow to Your Highness as friends of thegentleman who is your father-in-law, and to assure you with respectof our very humble services. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Where's the interpreter to tell him who you areand to make him understand what you say? You will see that he willreply, and that he speaks Turkish marvelously. Hey there! Where thedevil has he gone? (To Cleonte). Strouf, strif, strof, straf. Thegentleman is a grande Segnore, grande Segnore, grande Segnore. AndMadame is a Dama granda Dama, granda. Ahi! He, Monsieur, he FrenchMamamauchi, and Madame also French Mamamouchie. I can't say it moreclearly. Good, here's the interpreter. Where are you going? Wewon't know how to say anything without you. Tell him, that Monsieurand Madame are persons of high rank, who have come to pay theirrespects to him, as my friends, and to assure him of theirservices. You'll see how he will reply. 

COVIELLE: Alabala crociam acci boram alabamen. 

CLEONTE: Catalequi tubal ourin soter amalouchan. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: See?

COVIELLE: He says that the rain of prosperity should water thegarden of your family in all seasons. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I told you that he speaks Turkish!

DORANTE: That's wonderful. 

ACT FIVE

SCENE V (Lucile, Monsieur Jourdain, Dorante, Dorimene, etc. )

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Come, my daughter; come here and give your handto the gentleman who does you the honor of asking for you inmarriage. 

LUCILE: What! Father, look at you! Are you playing in a comedy?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no, this is not a comedy, it's a veryserious matter, and as full of honor for you as possible. There isthe husband I give you. 

LUCILE: To me, father?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, to you. Come, put your hand in his, andgive thanks to Heaven for your happiness. 

LUCILE: I have absolutely no wish to marry. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I wish it, I, who am your father. 

LUCILLE: I'll do nothing of the sort. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! What a nuisance! Come, I tell you. Give yourhand. 

LUCILE: No, my father, I told you, there is no power on earth thatcan make me take any husband other than Cleonte. And I will go toextreme measures rather than. . . (Recognizes Cleonte) It is truethat you are my father; I owe you complete obedience; and it is foryou to dispose of me according to your wishes. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! I am delighted to see you return so promptlyto your duty, and it pleases me to have an obedient daughter. 

ACT FIVE

SCENE VI (Madame Jourdain, Monsieur Jourdain, Cleonte, etc. )

MADAME JOURDAIN: What now? What's this? They say that you want togive your daughter in marriage to a someone in a Carnival costume?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Will you be quiet, impertinent woman? You alwaysthrow your absurdities into everything, and there's no teaching youto be reasonable. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: It's you that there is no way of making wise, andyou go from folly to folly. What is your plan, and what do you wantto do with this assemblage of people?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I want to marry our daughter to the son of theGrand Turk. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: To the son of the Grand Turk?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. Greet him through the interpreter there. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I don't need an interpreter; and I'll tell himstraight out myself, to his face, that there is no way he will havemy daughter. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I ask again, will you be quiet?

DORANTE: What! Madame Jourdain, do you oppose such good fortune asthat? You refuse His Turkish Highness as your son-in-law?

MADAME JOURDAIN: My Goodness, Sir, mind your own business. 

DORIMENE: It's a great glory, which is not to be rejected. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Madame, I beg you also not to concern yourselfwith what does not affect you. 

DORANTE: It's the friendship we have for you that makes us involveourselves in your interest. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I can get along quite well without yourfriendship. 

DORANTE: Your daughter here agrees to the wishes of her father. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: My daughter consents to marry a Turk?

DORANTE: Without doubt. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: She can forget Cleonte?

DORANTE: What wouldn't one do to be a great lady?

MADAME JOURDAIN: I would strangle her with my own hands if she didsomething like that. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That is just so much talk. I tell you, thismarriage shall take place. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: And I say there is no way that it will happen. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, what a row!

LUCILE: Mother!

MADAME JOURDAIN: Go away, you are a hussy. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! You quarrel with her for obeying me?

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes. She is mine as much as yours. 

COVIELLE: Madame!

MADAME JOURDAIN: What do you want to tell me?

COVIELLE: A word. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I want nothing to do with your word. 

COVIELLE: (To Monsieur Jourdain) Sir, if she will hear a word inprivate, I promise you to make her consent to what you want. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I will never consent to it. 

COVIELLE: Only listen to me. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: No. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Listen to him. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: No, I don't want to listen to him. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He is going tell you. . . 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I don't want him to tell me anything whatsoever. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There is the great stubbornness of a woman! Howcan it hurt you to listen to him?

COVIELLE: Just listen to me; after that you can do as you please. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Alright! What?

COVIELLE: (Aside to Madame Jourdain) For an hour, Madame, we'vebeen signaling to you. Don't you see that all this is done only toaccommodate ourselves to the fantasies of your husband, that we arefooling him under this disguise and that it is Cleonte himself whois the son of the Grand Turk? MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah! Ah! COVIELLE:And I, Covielle, am the interpreter? MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah! If thisis the case then, I surrender. 

COVIELLE: Don't let on. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, it's done, I agree to the marriage. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! Now everyone's reasonable. You didn't wantto hear it. I knew he would explain to you what it means to be theson of the Grand Turk. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: He explained it to me very well, and I amsatisfied. Let us send for a notary. 

DORANTE: This is very well said. And finally, Madame Jourdain, inorder to relieve your mind completely, and that you may lose todayall the jealousy that you may have conceived of your husband, weshall have the same notary marry us, Madame and me. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: I agree to that also. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Is this to make her believe our story?

DORANTE: (Aside to Monsieur Jourdain) It is necessary to amuse herwith this pretence. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Good, good! Someone go for the notary. 

DORANTE: While we wait for him to come and while he draws up thecontracts, let us see our ballet, and divert His Turkish Highnesswith it. 

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That is very well advised. Come, let's take ourplaces. 

MADAME JOURDAIN: And Nicole?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I give her to the interpreter; and my wife towhoever wants her. 

COVIELLE: Sir, I thank you. (Aside) If one can find a greater fool, I'll go to Rome to tell it. 

(The comedy ends with a ballet. )