DON QUIXOTE

 Volume II. 

 Part 41. 

 by Miguel de Cervantes

 Translated by John Ormsby

CHAPTER LXXI. 

OF WHAT PASSED BETWEEN DON QUIXOTE AND HIS SQUIRE SANCHO ON THE WAY TOTHEIR VILLAGE

The vanquished and afflicted Don Quixote went along very downcast in onerespect and very happy in another. His sadness arose from his defeat, andhis satisfaction from the thought of the virtue that lay in Sancho, ashad been proved by the resurrection of Altisidora; though it was withdifficulty he could persuade himself that the love-smitten damsel hadbeen really dead. Sancho went along anything but cheerful, for it grievedhim that Altisidora had not kept her promise of giving him the smocks;and turning this over in his mind he said to his master, "Surely, senor, I'm the most unlucky doctor in the world; there's many a physician that, after killing the sick man he had to cure, requires to be paid for hiswork, though it is only signing a bit of a list of medicines, that theapothecary and not he makes up, and, there, his labour is over; but withme though to cure somebody else costs me drops of blood, smacks, pinches, pinproddings, and whippings, nobody gives me a farthing. Well, I swear byall that's good if they put another patient into my hands, they'll haveto grease them for me before I cure him; for, as they say, 'it's by hissinging the abbot gets his dinner, ' and I'm not going to believe thatheaven has bestowed upon me the virtue I have, that I should be dealingit out to others all for nothing. "

"Thou art right, Sancho my friend, " said Don Quixote, "and Altisidora hasbehaved very badly in not giving thee the smocks she promised; andalthough that virtue of thine is gratis data--as it has cost thee nostudy whatever, any more than such study as thy personal sufferings maybe--I can say for myself that if thou wouldst have payment for the lasheson account of the disenchant of Dulcinea, I would have given it to theefreely ere this. I am not sure, however, whether payment will comportwith the cure, and I would not have the reward interfere with themedicine. I think there will be nothing lost by trying it; consider howmuch thou wouldst have, Sancho, and whip thyself at once, and pay thyselfdown with thine own hand, as thou hast money of mine. "

At this proposal Sancho opened his eyes and his ears a palm's breadthwide, and in his heart very readily acquiesced in whipping himself, andsaid he to his master, "Very well then, senor, I'll hold myself inreadiness to gratify your worship's wishes if I'm to profit by it; forthe love of my wife and children forces me to seem grasping. Let yourworship say how much you will pay me for each lash I give myself. "

"If Sancho, " replied Don Quixote, "I were to requite thee as theimportance and nature of the cure deserves, the treasures of Venice, themines of Potosi, would be insufficient to pay thee. See what thou hast ofmine, and put a price on each lash. "

"Of them, " said Sancho, "there are three thousand three hundred and odd;of these I have given myself five, the rest remain; let the five go forthe odd ones, and let us take the three thousand three hundred, which ata quarter real apiece (for I will not take less though the whole worldshould bid me) make three thousand three hundred quarter reals; the threethousand are one thousand five hundred half reals, which make sevenhundred and fifty reals; and the three hundred make a hundred and fiftyhalf reals, which come to seventy-five reals, which added to the sevenhundred and fifty make eight hundred and twenty-five reals in all. TheseI will stop out of what I have belonging to your worship, and I'll returnhome rich and content, though well whipped, for 'there's no takingtrout'--but I say no more. "

"O blessed Sancho! O dear Sancho!" said Don Quixote; "how we shall bebound to serve thee, Dulcinea and I, all the days of our lives thatheaven may grant us! If she returns to her lost shape (and it cannot bebut that she will) her misfortune will have been good fortune, and mydefeat a most happy triumph. But look here, Sancho; when wilt thou beginthe scourging? For if thou wilt make short work of it, I will give thee ahundred reals over and above. "

"When?" said Sancho; "this night without fail. Let your worship order itso that we pass it out of doors and in the open air, and I'll scarifymyself. "

Night, longed for by Don Quixote with the greatest anxiety in the world, came at last, though it seemed to him that the wheels of Apollo's car hadbroken down, and that the day was drawing itself out longer than usual, just as is the case with lovers, who never make the reckoning of theirdesires agree with time. They made their way at length in among somepleasant trees that stood a little distance from the road, and therevacating Rocinante's saddle and Dapple's pack-saddle, they stretchedthemselves on the green grass and made their supper off Sancho's stores, and he making a powerful and flexible whip out of Dapple's halter andheadstall retreated about twenty paces from his master among some beechtrees. Don Quixote seeing him march off with such resolution and spirit, said to him, "Take care, my friend, not to cut thyself to pieces; allowthe lashes to wait for one another, and do not be in so great a hurry asto run thyself out of breath midway; I mean, do not lay on so strenuouslyas to make thy life fail thee before thou hast reached the desirednumber; and that thou mayest not lose by a card too much or too little, Iwill station myself apart and count on my rosary here the lashes thougivest thyself. May heaven help thee as thy good intention deserves. "

"'Pledges don't distress a good payer, '" said Sancho; "I mean to lay onin such a way as without killing myself to hurt myself, for in that, nodoubt, lies the essence of this miracle. "

He then stripped himself from the waist upwards, and snatching up therope he began to lay on and Don Quixote to count the lashes. He mighthave given himself six or eight when he began to think the joke notrifle, and its price very low; and holding his hand for a moment, hetold his master that he cried off on the score of a blind bargain, foreach of those lashes ought to be paid for at the rate of half a realinstead of a quarter. 

"Go on, Sancho my friend, and be not disheartened, " said Don Quixote;"for I double the stakes as to price. "

"In that case, " said Sancho, "in God's hand be it, and let it rainlashes. " But the rogue no longer laid them on his shoulders, but laid onto the trees, with such groans every now and then, that one would havethought at each of them his soul was being plucked up by the roots. DonQuixote, touched to the heart, and fearing he might make an end ofhimself, and that through Sancho's imprudence he might miss his ownobject, said to him, "As thou livest, my friend, let the matter restwhere it is, for the remedy seems to me a very rough one, and it will bewell to have patience; 'Zamora was not won in an hour. ' If I have notreckoned wrong thou hast given thyself over a thousand lashes; that isenough for the present; 'for the ass, ' to put it in homely phrase, 'bearsthe load, but not the overload. '"

"No, no, senor, " replied Sancho; "it shall never be said of me, 'Themoney paid, the arms broken;' go back a little further, your worship, andlet me give myself at any rate a thousand lashes more; for in a couple ofbouts like this we shall have finished off the lot, and there will beeven cloth to spare. "

"As thou art in such a willing mood, " said Don Quixote, "may heaven aidthee; lay on and I'll retire. "

Sancho returned to his task with so much resolution that he soon had thebark stripped off several trees, such was the severity with which hewhipped himself; and one time, raising his voice, and giving a beech atremendous lash, he cried out, "Here dies Samson, and all with him!"

At the sound of his piteous cry and of the stroke of the cruel lash, DonQuixote ran to him at once, and seizing the twisted halter that servedhim for a courbash, said to him, "Heaven forbid, Sancho my friend, thatto please me thou shouldst lose thy life, which is needed for the supportof thy wife and children; let Dulcinea wait for a better opportunity, andI will content myself with a hope soon to be realised, and have patienceuntil thou hast gained fresh strength so as to finish off this businessto the satisfaction of everybody. "

"As your worship will have it so, senor, " said Sancho, "so be it; butthrow your cloak over my shoulders, for I'm sweating and I don't want totake cold; it's a risk that novice disciplinants run. "

Don Quixote obeyed, and stripping himself covered Sancho, who slept untilthe sun woke him; they then resumed their journey, which for the timebeing they brought to an end at a village that lay three leagues fartheron. They dismounted at a hostelry which Don Quixote recognised as suchand did not take to be a castle with moat, turrets, portcullis, anddrawbridge; for ever since he had been vanquished he talked morerationally about everything, as will be shown presently. They quarteredhim in a room on the ground floor, where in place of leather hangingsthere were pieces of painted serge such as they commonly use in villages. On one of them was painted by some very poor hand the Rape of Helen, whenthe bold guest carried her off from Menelaus, and on the other was thestory of Dido and AEneas, she on a high tower, as though she were makingsignals with a half sheet to her fugitive guest who was out at sea flyingin a frigate or brigantine. He noticed in the two stories that Helen didnot go very reluctantly, for she was laughing slyly and roguishly; butthe fair Dido was shown dropping tears the size of walnuts from her eyes. Don Quixote as he looked at them observed, "Those two ladies were veryunfortunate not to have been born in this age, and I unfortunate aboveall men not to have been born in theirs. Had I fallen in with thosegentlemen, Troy would not have been burned or Carthage destroyed, for itwould have been only for me to slay Paris, and all these misfortuneswould have been avoided. "

"I'll lay a bet, " said Sancho, "that before long there won't be a tavern, roadside inn, hostelry, or barber's shop where the story of our doingswon't be painted up; but I'd like it painted by the hand of a betterpainter than painted these. "

"Thou art right, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "for this painter is likeOrbaneja, a painter there was at Ubeda, who when they asked him what hewas painting, used to say, 'Whatever it may turn out; and if he chancedto paint a cock he would write under it, 'This is a cock, ' for fear theymight think it was a fox. The painter or writer, for it's all the same, who published the history of this new Don Quixote that has come out, musthave been one of this sort I think, Sancho, for he painted or wrote'whatever it might turn out;' or perhaps he is like a poet called Mauleonthat was about the Court some years ago, who used to answer at haphazardwhatever he was asked, and on one asking him what Deum de Deo meant, hereplied De donde diere. But, putting this aside, tell me, Sancho, hastthou a mind to have another turn at thyself to-night, and wouldst thourather have it indoors or in the open air?"

"Egad, senor, " said Sancho, "for what I'm going to give myself, it comesall the same to me whether it is in a house or in the fields; still I'dlike it to be among trees; for I think they are company for me and helpme to bear my pain wonderfully. "

"And yet it must not be, Sancho my friend, " said Don Quixote; "but, toenable thee to recover strength, we must keep it for our own village; forat the latest we shall get there the day after tomorrow. "

Sancho said he might do as he pleased; but that for his own part he wouldlike to finish off the business quickly before his blood cooled and whilehe had an appetite, because "in delay there is apt to be danger" veryoften, and "praying to God and plying the hammer, " and "one take wasbetter than two I'll give thee's, " and "a sparrow in the hand than avulture on the wing. "

"For God's sake, Sancho, no more proverbs!" exclaimed Don Quixote; "itseems to me thou art becoming sicut erat again; speak in a plain, simple, straight-forward way, as I have often told thee, and thou wilt find thegood of it. "

"I don't know what bad luck it is of mine, " argument to my mind; however, I mean to mend said Sancho, "but I can't utter a word without a proverbthat is not as good as an argument to my mind; however, I mean to mend ifI can;" and so for the present the conversation ended. 

CHAPTER LXXII. 

OF HOW DON QUIXOTE AND SANCHO REACHED THEIR VILLAGE

All that day Don Quixote and Sancho remained in the village and innwaiting for night, the one to finish off his task of scourging in theopen country, the other to see it accomplished, for therein lay theaccomplishment of his wishes. Meanwhile there arrived at the hostelry atraveller on horseback with three or four servants, one of whom said tohim who appeared to be the master, "Here, Senor Don Alvaro Tarfe, yourworship may take your siesta to-day; the quarters seem clean and cool. "

When he heard this Don Quixote said to Sancho, "Look here, Sancho; onturning over the leaves of that book of the Second Part of my history Ithink I came casually upon this name of Don Alvaro Tarfe. "

"Very likely, " said Sancho; "we had better let him dismount, andby-and-by we can ask about it. "

The gentleman dismounted, and the landlady gave him a room on the groundfloor opposite Don Quixote's and adorned with painted serge hangings ofthe same sort. The newly arrived gentleman put on a summer coat, andcoming out to the gateway of the hostelry, which was wide and cool, addressing Don Quixote, who was pacing up and down there, he asked, "Inwhat direction your worship bound, gentle sir?"

"To a village near this which is my own village, " replied Don Quixote;"and your worship, where are you bound for?"

"I am going to Granada, senor, " said the gentleman, "to my own country. "

"And a goodly country, " said Don Quixote; "but will your worship do methe favour of telling me your name, for it strikes me it is of moreimportance to me to know it than I can tell you. "

"My name is Don Alvaro Tarfe, " replied the traveller. 

To which Don Quixote returned, "I have no doubt whatever that yourworship is that Don Alvaro Tarfe who appears in print in the Second Partof the history of Don Quixote of La Mancha, lately printed and publishedby a new author. "

"I am the same, " replied the gentleman; "and that same Don Quixote, theprincipal personage in the said history, was a very great friend of mine, and it was I who took him away from home, or at least induced him to cometo some jousts that were to be held at Saragossa, whither I was goingmyself; indeed, I showed him many kindnesses, and saved him from havinghis shoulders touched up by the executioner because of his extremerashness. "

"Tell me, Senor Don Alvaro, " said Don Quixote, "am I at all like that DonQuixote you talk of?"

"No indeed, " replied the traveller, "not a bit. "

"And that Don Quixote-" said our one, "had he with him a squire calledSancho Panza?"

"He had, " said Don Alvaro; "but though he had the name of being verydroll, I never heard him say anything that had any drollery in it. "

"That I can well believe, " said Sancho at this, "for to come out withdrolleries is not in everybody's line; and that Sancho your worshipspeaks of, gentle sir, must be some great scoundrel, dunderhead, andthief, all in one; for I am the real Sancho Panza, and I have moredrolleries than if it rained them; let your worship only try; come alongwith me for a year or so, and you will find they fall from me at everyturn, and so rich and so plentiful that though mostly I don't know what Iam saying I make everybody that hears me laugh. And the real Don Quixoteof La Mancha, the famous, the valiant, the wise, the lover, the righterof wrongs, the guardian of minors and orphans, the protector of widows, the killer of damsels, he who has for his sole mistress the peerlessDulcinea del Toboso, is this gentleman before you, my master; all otherDon Quixotes and all other Sancho Panzas are dreams and mockeries. "

"By God I believe it, " said Don Alvaro; "for you have uttered moredrolleries, my friend, in the few words you have spoken than the otherSancho Panza in all I ever heard from him, and they were not a few. Hewas more greedy than well-spoken, and more dull than droll; and I amconvinced that the enchanters who persecute Don Quixote the Good havebeen trying to persecute me with Don Quixote the Bad. But I don't knowwhat to say, for I am ready to swear I left him shut up in the Casa delNuncio at Toledo, and here another Don Quixote turns up, though a verydifferent one from mine. "

"I don't know whether I am good, " said Don Quixote, "but I can safely sayI am not 'the Bad;' and to prove it, let me tell you, Senor Don AlvaroTarfe, I have never in my life been in Saragossa; so far from that, whenit was told me that this imaginary Don Quixote had been present at thejousts in that city, I declined to enter it, in order to drag hisfalsehood before the face of the world; and so I went on straight toBarcelona, the treasure-house of courtesy, haven of strangers, asylum ofthe poor, home of the valiant, champion of the wronged, pleasant exchangeof firm friendships, and city unrivalled in site and beauty. And thoughthe adventures that befell me there are not by any means matters ofenjoyment, but rather of regret, I do not regret them, simply because Ihave seen it. In a word, Senor Don Alvaro Tarfe, I am Don Quixote of LaMancha, the one that fame speaks of, and not the unlucky one that hasattempted to usurp my name and deck himself out in my ideas. I entreatyour worship by your devoir as a gentleman to be so good as to make adeclaration before the alcalde of this village that you never in all yourlife saw me until now, and that neither am I the Don Quixote in print inthe Second Part, nor this Sancho Panza, my squire, the one your worshipknew. "

"That I will do most willingly, " replied Don Alvaro; "though it amazes meto find two Don Quixotes and two Sancho Panzas at once, as much alike inname as they differ in demeanour; and again I say and declare that what Isaw I cannot have seen, and that what happened me cannot have happened. "

"No doubt your worship is enchanted, like my lady Dulcinea del Toboso, "said Sancho; "and would to heaven your disenchantment rested on my givingmyself another three thousand and odd lashes like what I'm giving myselffor her, for I'd lay them on without looking for anything. "

"I don't understand that about the lashes, " said Don Alvaro. Sanchoreplied that it was a long story to tell, but he would tell him if theyhappened to be going the same road. 

By this dinner-time arrived, and Don Quixote and Don Alvaro dinedtogether. The alcalde of the village came by chance into the inn togetherwith a notary, and Don Quixote laid a petition before him, showing thatit was requisite for his rights that Don Alvaro Tarfe, the gentlemanthere present, should make a declaration before him that he did not knowDon Quixote of La Mancha, also there present, and that he was not the onethat was in print in a history entitled "Second Part of Don Quixote of LaMancha, by one Avellaneda of Tordesillas. " The alcalde finally put it inlegal form, and the declaration was made with all the formalitiesrequired in such cases, at which Don Quixote and Sancho were in highdelight, as if a declaration of the sort was of any great importance tothem, and as if their words and deeds did not plainly show the differencebetween the two Don Quixotes and the two Sanchos. Many civilities andoffers of service were exchanged by Don Alvaro and Don Quixote, in thecourse of which the great Manchegan displayed such good taste that hedisabused Don Alvaro of the error he was under; and he, on his part, feltconvinced he must have been enchanted, now that he had been brought incontact with two such opposite Don Quixotes. 

Evening came, they set out from the village, and after about half aleague two roads branched off, one leading to Don Quixote's village, theother the road Don Alvaro was to follow. In this short interval DonQuixote told him of his unfortunate defeat, and of Dulcinea's enchantmentand the remedy, all which threw Don Alvaro into fresh amazement, andembracing Don Quixote and Sancho he went his way, and Don Quixote wenthis. That night he passed among trees again in order to give Sancho anopportunity of working out his penance, which he did in the same fashionas the night before, at the expense of the bark of the beech trees muchmore than of his back, of which he took such good care that the lasheswould not have knocked off a fly had there been one there. The duped DonQuixote did not miss a single stroke of the count, and he found thattogether with those of the night before they made up three thousand andtwenty-nine. The sun apparently had got up early to witness thesacrifice, and with his light they resumed their journey, discussing thedeception practised on Don Alvaro, and saying how well done it was tohave taken his declaration before a magistrate in such an unimpeachableform. That day and night they travelled on, nor did anything worthmention happen them, unless it was that in the course of the night Sanchofinished off his task, whereat Don Quixote was beyond measure joyful. Hewatched for daylight, to see if along the road he should fall in with hisalready disenchanted lady Dulcinea; and as he pursued his journey therewas no woman he met that he did not go up to, to see if she was Dulcineadel Toboso, as he held it absolutely certain that Merlin's promises couldnot lie. Full of these thoughts and anxieties, they ascended a risingground wherefrom they descried their own village, at the sight of whichSancho fell on his knees exclaiming, "Open thine eyes, longed-for home, and see how thy son Sancho Panza comes back to thee, if not very rich, very well whipped! Open thine arms and receive, too, thy son Don Quixote, who, if he comes vanquished by the arm of another, comes victor overhimself, which, as he himself has told me, is the greatest victory anyonecan desire. I'm bringing back money, for if I was well whipped, I wentmounted like a gentleman. "

"Have done with these fooleries, " said Don Quixote; "let us push onstraight and get to our own place, where we will give free range to ourfancies, and settle our plans for our future pastoral life. "

With this they descended the slope and directed their steps to theirvillage.