DON QUIXOTE Volume II. Part 34. by Miguel de Cervantes Translated by John Ormsby CHAPTER LIV. WHICH DEALS WITH MATTERS RELATING TO THIS HISTORY AND NO OTHER The duke and duchess resolved that the challenge Don Quixote had, for thereason already mentioned, given their vassal, should be proceeded with;and as the young man was in Flanders, whither he had fled to escapehaving Dona Rodriguez for a mother-in-law, they arranged to substitutefor him a Gascon lacquey, named Tosilos, first of all carefullyinstructing him in all he had to do. Two days later the duke told DonQuixote that in four days from that time his opponent would presenthimself on the field of battle armed as a knight, and would maintain thatthe damsel lied by half a beard, nay a whole beard, if she affirmed thathe had given her a promise of marriage. Don Quixote was greatly pleasedat the news, and promised himself to do wonders in the lists, andreckoned it rare good fortune that an opportunity should have offered forletting his noble hosts see what the might of his strong arm was capableof; and so in high spirits and satisfaction he awaited the expiration ofthe four days, which measured by his impatience seemed spinningthemselves out into four hundred ages. Let us leave them to pass as we doother things, and go and bear Sancho company, as mounted on Dapple, halfglad, half sad, he paced along on his road to join his master, in whosesociety he was happier than in being governor of all the islands in theworld. Well then, it so happened that before he had gone a great way fromthe island of his government (and whether it was island, city, town, orvillage that he governed he never troubled himself to inquire) he sawcoming along the road he was travelling six pilgrims with staves, foreigners of that sort that beg for alms singing; who as they drew neararranged themselves in a line and lifting up their voices all togetherbegan to sing in their own language something that Sancho could not withthe exception of one word which sounded plainly "alms, " from which hegathered that it was alms they asked for in their song; and being, asCide Hamete says, remarkably charitable, he took out of his alforias thehalf loaf and half cheese he had been provided with, and gave them tothem, explaining to them by signs that he had nothing else to give them. They received them very gladly, but exclaimed, "Geld! Geld!" "I don't understand what you want of me, good people, " said Sancho. On this one of them took a purse out of his bosom and showed it toSancho, by which he comprehended they were asking for money, and puttinghis thumb to his throat and spreading his hand upwards he gave them tounderstand that he had not the sign of a coin about him, and urgingDapple forward he broke through them. But as he was passing, one of themwho had been examining him very closely rushed towards him, and flinginghis arms round him exclaimed in a loud voice and good Spanish, "God blessme! What's this I see? Is it possible that I hold in my arms my dearfriend, my good neighbour Sancho Panza? But there's no doubt about it, for I'm not asleep, nor am I drunk just now. " Sancho was surprised to hear himself called by his name and find himselfembraced by a foreign pilgrim, and after regarding him steadily withoutspeaking he was still unable to recognise him; but the pilgrim perceivinghis perplexity cried, "What! and is it possible, Sancho Panza, that thoudost not know thy neighbour Ricote, the Morisco shopkeeper of thyvillage?" Sancho upon this looking at him more carefully began to recall hisfeatures, and at last recognised him perfectly, and without getting offthe ass threw his arms round his neck saying, "Who the devil could haveknown thee, Ricote, in this mummer's dress thou art in? Tell me, who basfrenchified thee, and how dost thou dare to return to Spain, where ifthey catch thee and recognise thee it will go hard enough with thee?" "If thou dost not betray me, Sancho, " said the pilgrim, "I am safe; forin this dress no one will recognise me; but let us turn aside out of theroad into that grove there where my comrades are going to eat and rest, and thou shalt eat with them there, for they are very good fellows; I'llhave time enough to tell thee then all that has happened me since I leftour village in obedience to his Majesty's edict that threatened suchseverities against the unfortunate people of my nation, as thou hastheard. " Sancho complied, and Ricote having spoken to the other pilgrims theywithdrew to the grove they saw, turning a considerable distance out ofthe road. They threw down their staves, took off their pilgrim's cloaksand remained in their under-clothing; they were all good-looking youngfellows, except Ricote, who was a man somewhat advanced in years. Theycarried alforjas all of them, and all apparently well filled, at leastwith things provocative of thirst, such as would summon it from twoleagues off. They stretched themselves on the ground, and making atablecloth of the grass they spread upon it bread, salt, knives, walnut, scraps of cheese, and well-picked ham-bones which if they were pastgnawing were not past sucking. They also put down a black dainty called, they say, caviar, and made of the eggs of fish, a great thirst-wakener. Nor was there any lack of olives, dry, it is true, and without anyseasoning, but for all that toothsome and pleasant. But what made thebest show in the field of the banquet was half a dozen botas of wine, foreach of them produced his own from his alforjas; even the good Ricote, who from a Morisco had transformed himself into a German or Dutchman, took out his, which in size might have vied with the five others. Theythen began to eat with very great relish and very leisurely, making themost of each morsel--very small ones of everything--they took up on thepoint of the knife; and then all at the same moment raised their arms andbotas aloft, the mouths placed in their mouths, and all eyes fixed onheaven just as if they were taking aim at it; and in this attitude theyremained ever so long, wagging their heads from side to side as if inacknowledgment of the pleasure they were enjoying while they decanted thebowels of the bottles into their own stomachs. Sancho beheld all, "and nothing gave him pain;" so far from that, actingon the proverb he knew so well, "when thou art at Rome do as thou seest, "he asked Ricote for his bota and took aim like the rest of them, and withnot less enjoyment. Four times did the botas bear being uplifted, but thefifth it was all in vain, for they were drier and more sapless than arush by that time, which made the jollity that had been kept up so farbegin to flag. Every now and then some one of them would grasp Sancho's right hand inhis own saying, "Espanoli y Tudesqui tuto uno: bon compano;" and Sanchowould answer, "Bon compano, jur a Di!" and then go off into a fit oflaughter that lasted an hour, without a thought for the moment ofanything that had befallen him in his government; for cares have verylittle sway over us while we are eating and drinking. At length, the winehaving come to an end with them, drowsiness began to come over them, andthey dropped asleep on their very table and tablecloth. Ricote and Sanchoalone remained awake, for they had eaten more and drunk less, and Ricotedrawing Sancho aside, they seated themselves at the foot of a beech, leaving the pilgrims buried in sweet sleep; and without once falling intohis own Morisco tongue Ricote spoke as follows in pure Castilian: "Thou knowest well, neighbour and friend Sancho Panza, how theproclamation or edict his Majesty commanded to be issued against those ofmy nation filled us all with terror and dismay; me at least it did, insomuch that I think before the time granted us for quitting Spain wasout, the full force of the penalty had already fallen upon me and upon mychildren. I decided, then, and I think wisely (just like one who knowsthat at a certain date the house he lives in will be taken from him, andlooks out beforehand for another to change into), I decided, I say, toleave the town myself, alone and without my family, and go to seek outsome place to remove them to comfortably and not in the hurried way inwhich the others took their departure; for I saw very plainly, and so didall the older men among us, that the proclamations were not mere threats, as some said, but positive enactments which would be enforced at theappointed time; and what made me believe this was what I knew of the baseand extravagant designs which our people harboured, designs of such anature that I think it was a divine inspiration that moved his Majesty tocarry out a resolution so spirited; not that we were all guilty, for somethere were true and steadfast Christians; but they were so few that theycould make no head against those who were not; and it was not prudent tocherish a viper in the bosom by having enemies in the house. In short itwas with just cause that we were visited with the penalty of banishment, a mild and lenient one in the eyes of some, but to us the most terriblethat could be inflicted upon us. Wherever we are we weep for Spain; forafter all we were born there and it is our natural fatherland. Nowhere dowe find the reception our unhappy condition needs; and in Barbary and allthe parts of Africa where we counted upon being received, succoured, andwelcomed, it is there they insult and ill-treat us most. We knew not ourgood fortune until we lost it; and such is the longing we almost all ofus have to return to Spain, that most of those who like myself know thelanguage, and there are many who do, come back to it and leave theirwives and children forsaken yonder, so great is their love for it; andnow I know by experience the meaning of the saying, sweet is the love ofone's country. "I left our village, as I said, and went to France, but though they gaveus a kind reception there I was anxious to see all I could. I crossedinto Italy, and reached Germany, and there it seemed to me we might livewith more freedom, as the inhabitants do not pay any attention totrifling points; everyone lives as he likes, for in most parts they enjoyliberty of conscience. I took a house in a town near Augsburg, and thenjoined these pilgrims, who are in the habit of coming to Spain in greatnumbers every year to visit the shrines there, which they look upon astheir Indies and a sure and certain source of gain. They travel nearlyall over it, and there is no town out of which they do not go full up ofmeat and drink, as the saying is, and with a real, at least, in money, and they come off at the end of their travels with more than a hundredcrowns saved, which, changed into gold, they smuggle out of the kingdomeither in the hollow of their staves or in the patches of their pilgrim'scloaks or by some device of their own, and carry to their own country inspite of the guards at the posts and passes where they are searched. Nowmy purpose is, Sancho, to carry away the treasure that I left buried, which, as it is outside the town, I shall be able to do without risk, andto write, or cross over from Valencia, to my daughter and wife, who Iknow are at Algiers, and find some means of bringing them to some Frenchport and thence to Germany, there to await what it may be God's will todo with us; for, after all, Sancho, I know well that Ricota my daughterand Francisca Ricota my wife are Catholic Christians, and though I am notso much so, still I am more of a Christian than a Moor, and it is alwaysmy prayer to God that he will open the eyes of my understanding and showme how I am to serve him; but what amazes me and I cannot understand iswhy my wife and daughter should have gone to Barbary rather than toFrance, where they could live as Christians. " To this Sancho replied, "Remember, Ricote, that may not have been open tothem, for Juan Tiopieyo thy wife's brother took them, and being a trueMoor he went where he could go most easily; and another thing I can tellthee, it is my belief thou art going in vain to look for what thou hastleft buried, for we heard they took from thy brother-in-law and thy wifea great quantity of pearls and money in gold which they brought to bepassed. " "That may be, " said Ricote; "but I know they did not touch my hoard, forI did not tell them where it was, for fear of accidents; and so, if thouwilt come with me, Sancho, and help me to take it away and conceal it, Iwill give thee two hundred crowns wherewith thou mayest relieve thynecessities, and, as thou knowest, I know they are many. " "I would do it, " said Sancho; "but I am not at all covetous, for I gaveup an office this morning in which, if I was, I might have made the wallsof my house of gold and dined off silver plates before six months wereover; and so for this reason, and because I feel I would be guilty oftreason to my king if I helped his enemies, I would not go with thee ifinstead of promising me two hundred crowns thou wert to give me fourhundred here in hand. " "And what office is this thou hast given up, Sancho?" asked Ricote. "I have given up being governor of an island, " said Sancho, "and such aone, faith, as you won't find the like of easily. " "And where is this island?" said Ricote. "Where?" said Sancho; "two leagues from here, and it is called the islandof Barataria. " "Nonsense! Sancho, " said Ricote; "islands are away out in the sea; thereare no islands on the mainland. " "What? No islands!" said Sancho; "I tell thee, friend Ricote, I left itthis morning, and yesterday I was governing there as I pleased like asagittarius; but for all that I gave it up, for it seemed to me adangerous office, a governor's. " "And what hast thou gained by the government?" asked Ricote. "I have gained, " said Sancho, "the knowledge that I am no good forgoverning, unless it is a drove of cattle, and that the riches that areto be got by these governments are got at the cost of one's rest andsleep, ay and even one's food; for in islands the governors must eatlittle, especially if they have doctors to look after their health. " "I don't understand thee, Sancho, " said Ricote; "but it seems to me allnonsense thou art talking. Who would give thee islands to govern? Isthere any scarcity in the world of cleverer men than thou art forgovernors? Hold thy peace, Sancho, and come back to thy senses, andconsider whether thou wilt come with me as I said to help me to take awaytreasure I left buried (for indeed it may be called a treasure, it is solarge), and I will give thee wherewithal to keep thee, as I told thee. " "And I have told thee already, Ricote, that I will not, " said Sancho;"let it content thee that by me thou shalt not be betrayed, and go thyway in God's name and let me go mine; for I know that well-gotten gainmay be lost, but ill-gotten gain is lost, itself and its owner likewise. " "I will not press thee, Sancho, " said Ricote; "but tell me, wert thou inour village when my wife and daughter and brother-in-law left it?" "I was so, " said Sancho; "and I can tell thee thy daughter left itlooking so lovely that all the village turned out to see her, andeverybody said she was the fairest creature in the world. She wept as shewent, and embraced all her friends and acquaintances and those who cameout to see her, and she begged them all to commend her to God and OurLady his mother, and this in such a touching way that it made me weepmyself, though I'm not much given to tears commonly; and, faith, many aone would have liked to hide her, or go out and carry her off on theroad; but the fear of going against the king's command kept them back. The one who showed himself most moved was Don Pedro Gregorio, the richyoung heir thou knowest of, and they say he was deep in love with her;and since she left he has not been seen in our village again, and we allsuspect he has gone after her to steal her away, but so far nothing hasbeen heard of it. " "I always had a suspicion that gentleman had a passion for my daughter, "said Ricote; "but as I felt sure of my Ricota's virtue it gave me nouneasiness to know that he loved her; for thou must have heard it said, Sancho, that the Morisco women seldom or never engage in amours with theold Christians; and my daughter, who I fancy thought more of being aChristian than of lovemaking, would not trouble herself about theattentions of this heir. " "God grant it, " said Sancho, "for it would be a bad business for both ofthem; but now let me be off, friend Ricote, for I want to reach where mymaster Don Quixote is to-night. " "God be with thee, brother Sancho, " said Ricote; "my comrades arebeginning to stir, and it is time, too, for us to continue our journey;"and then they both embraced, and Sancho mounted Dapple, and Ricote leantupon his staff, and so they parted. CHAPTER LV. OF WHAT BEFELL SANCHO ON THE ROAD, AND OTHER THINGS THAT CANNOT BESURPASSED The length of time he delayed with Ricote prevented Sancho from reachingthe duke's castle that day, though he was within half a league of it whennight, somewhat dark and cloudy, overtook him. This, however, as it wassummer time, did not give him much uneasiness, and he turned aside out ofthe road intending to wait for morning; but his ill luck and hard fate sowilled it that as he was searching about for a place to make himself ascomfortable as possible, he and Dapple fell into a deep dark hole thatlay among some very old buildings. As he fell he commended himself withall his heart to God, fancying he was not going to stop until he reachedthe depths of the bottomless pit; but it did not turn out so, for atlittle more than thrice a man's height Dapple touched bottom, and hefound himself sitting on him without having received any hurt or damagewhatever. He felt himself all over and held his breath to try whether hewas quite sound or had a hole made in him anywhere, and finding himselfall right and whole and in perfect health he was profuse in his thanks toGod our Lord for the mercy that had been shown him, for he made sure hehad been broken into a thousand pieces. He also felt along the sides ofthe pit with his hands to see if it were possible to get out of itwithout help, but he found they were quite smooth and afforded no holdanywhere, at which he was greatly distressed, especially when he heardhow pathetically and dolefully Dapple was bemoaning himself, and nowonder he complained, nor was it from ill-temper, for in truth he was notin a very good case. "Alas, " said Sancho, "what unexpected accidentshappen at every step to those who live in this miserable world! Who wouldhave said that one who saw himself yesterday sitting on a throne, governor of an island, giving orders to his servants and his vassals, would see himself to-day buried in a pit without a soul to help him, orservant or vassal to come to his relief? Here must we perish with hunger, my ass and myself, if indeed we don't die first, he of his bruises andinjuries, and I of grief and sorrow. At any rate I'll not be as lucky asmy master Don Quixote of La Mancha, when he went down into the cave ofthat enchanted Montesinos, where he found people to make more of him thanif he had been in his own house; for it seems he came in for a table laidout and a bed ready made. There he saw fair and pleasant visions, buthere I'll see, I imagine, toads and adders. Unlucky wretch that I am, what an end my follies and fancies have come to! They'll take up my bonesout of this, when it is heaven's will that I'm found, picked clean, whiteand polished, and my good Dapple's with them, and by that, perhaps, itwill be found out who we are, at least by such as have heard that SanchoPanza never separated from his ass, nor his ass from Sancho Panza. Unlucky wretches, I say again, that our hard fate should not let us diein our own country and among our own people, where if there was no helpfor our misfortune, at any rate there would be some one to grieve for itand to close our eyes as we passed away! O comrade and friend, how illhave I repaid thy faithful services! Forgive me, and entreat Fortune, aswell as thou canst, to deliver us out of this miserable strait we areboth in; and I promise to put a crown of laurel on thy head, and makethee look like a poet laureate, and give thee double feeds. " In this strain did Sancho bewail himself, and his ass listened to him, but answered him never a word, such was the distress and anguish the poorbeast found himself in. At length, after a night spent in bitter moaningsand lamentations, day came, and by its light Sancho perceived that it waswholly impossible to escape out of that pit without help, and he fell tobemoaning his fate and uttering loud shouts to find out if there wasanyone within hearing; but all his shouting was only crying in thewilderness, for there was not a soul anywhere in the neighbourhood tohear him, and then at last he gave himself up for dead. Dapple was lyingon his back, and Sancho helped him to his feet, which he was scarcelyable to keep; and then taking a piece of bread out of his alforjas whichhad shared their fortunes in the fall, he gave it to the ass, to whom itwas not unwelcome, saying to him as if he understood him, "With bread allsorrows are less. " And now he perceived on one side of the pit a hole large enough to admita person if he stooped and squeezed himself into a small compass. Sanchomade for it, and entered it by creeping, and found it wide and spaciouson the inside, which he was able to see as a ray of sunlight thatpenetrated what might be called the roof showed it all plainly. Heobserved too that it opened and widened out into another spacious cavity;seeing which he made his way back to where the ass was, and with a stonebegan to pick away the clay from the hole until in a short time he hadmade room for the beast to pass easily, and this accomplished, taking himby the halter, he proceeded to traverse the cavern to see if there wasany outlet at the other end. He advanced, sometimes in the dark, sometimes without light, but never without fear; "God Almighty help me!"said he to himself; "this that is a misadventure to me would make a goodadventure for my master Don Quixote. He would have been sure to takethese depths and dungeons for flowery gardens or the palaces of Galiana, and would have counted upon issuing out of this darkness and imprisonmentinto some blooming meadow; but I, unlucky that I am, hopeless andspiritless, expect at every step another pit deeper than the first toopen under my feet and swallow me up for good; 'welcome evil, if thoucomest alone. '" In this way and with these reflections he seemed to himself to havetravelled rather more than half a league, when at last he perceived a dimlight that looked like daylight and found its way in on one side, showingthat this road, which appeared to him the road to the other world, led tosome opening. Here Cide Hamete leaves him, and returns to Don Quixote, who in highspirits and satisfaction was looking forward to the day fixed for thebattle he was to fight with him who had robbed Dona Rodriguez's daughterof her honour, for whom he hoped to obtain satisfaction for the wrong andinjury shamefully done to her. It came to pass, then, that having salliedforth one morning to practise and exercise himself in what he would haveto do in the encounter he expected to find himself engaged in the nextday, as he was putting Rocinante through his paces or pressing him to thecharge, he brought his feet so close to a pit that but for reining him intightly it would have been impossible for him to avoid falling into it. He pulled him up, however, without a fall, and coming a little closerexamined the hole without dismounting; but as he was looking at it heheard loud cries proceeding from it, and by listening attentively wasable to make out that he who uttered them was saying, "Ho, above there!is there any Christian that hears me, or any charitable gentleman thatwill take pity on a sinner buried alive, on an unfortunate disgovernedgovernor?" It struck Don Quixote that it was the voice of Sancho Panza he heard, whereat he was taken aback and amazed, and raising his own voice as muchas he could, he cried out, "Who is below there? Who is that complaining?" "Who should be here, or who should complain, " was the answer, "but theforlorn Sancho Panza, for his sins and for his ill-luck governor of theisland of Barataria, squire that was to the famous knight Don Quixote ofLa Mancha?" When Don Quixote heard this his amazement was redoubled and hisperturbation grew greater than ever, for it suggested itself to his mindthat Sancho must be dead, and that his soul was in torment down there;and carried away by this idea he exclaimed, "I conjure thee by everythingthat as a Catholic Christian I can conjure thee by, tell me who thou art;and if thou art a soul in torment, tell me what thou wouldst have me dofor thee; for as my profession is to give aid and succour to those thatneed it in this world, it will also extend to aiding and succouring thedistressed of the other, who cannot help themselves. " "In that case, " answered the voice, "your worship who speaks to me mustbe my master Don Quixote of La Mancha; nay, from the tone of the voice itis plain it can be nobody else. " "Don Quixote I am, " replied Don Quixote, "he whose profession it is toaid and succour the living and the dead in their necessities; whereforetell me who thou art, for thou art keeping me in suspense; because, ifthou art my squire Sancho Panza, and art dead, since the devils have notcarried thee off, and thou art by God's mercy in purgatory, our holymother the Roman Catholic Church has intercessory means sufficient torelease thee from the pains thou art in; and I for my part will pleadwith her to that end, so far as my substance will go; without furtherdelay, therefore, declare thyself, and tell me who thou art. " "By all that's good, " was the answer, "and by the birth of whomsoeveryour worship chooses, I swear, Senor Don Quixote of La Mancha, that I amyour squire Sancho Panza, and that I have never died all my life; butthat, having given up my government for reasons that would require moretime to explain, I fell last night into this pit where I am now, andDapple is witness and won't let me lie, for more by token he is here withme. " Nor was this all; one would have fancied the ass understood what Sanchosaid, because that moment he began to bray so loudly that the whole caverang again. "Famous testimony!" exclaimed Don Quixote; "I know that bray as well asif I was its mother, and thy voice too, my Sancho. Wait while I go to theduke's castle, which is close by, and I will bring some one to take theeout of this pit into which thy sins no doubt have brought thee. " "Go, your worship, " said Sancho, "and come back quick for God's sake; forI cannot bear being buried alive any longer, and I'm dying of fear. " Don Quixote left him, and hastened to the castle to tell the duke andduchess what had happened Sancho, and they were not a little astonishedat it; they could easily understand his having fallen, from theconfirmatory circumstance of the cave which had been in existence therefrom time immemorial; but they could not imagine how he had quitted thegovernment without their receiving any intimation of his coming. To bebrief, they fetched ropes and tackle, as the saying is, and by dint ofmany hands and much labour they drew up Dapple and Sancho Panza out ofthe darkness into the light of day. A student who saw him remarked, "That's the way all bad governors should come out of their governments, as this sinner comes out of the depths of the pit, dead with hunger, pale, and I suppose without a farthing. " Sancho overheard him and said, "It is eight or ten days, brother growler, since I entered upon the government of the island they gave me, and allthat time I never had a bellyful of victuals, no not for an hour; doctorspersecuted me and enemies crushed my bones; nor had I any opportunity oftaking bribes or levying taxes; and if that be the case, as it is, Idon't deserve, I think, to come out in this fashion; but 'man proposesand God disposes;' and God knows what is best, and what suits each onebest; and 'as the occasion, so the behaviour;' and 'let nobody say "Iwon't drink of this water;"' and 'where one thinks there are flitches, there are no pegs;' God knows my meaning and that's enough; I say nomore, though I could. " "Be not angry or annoyed at what thou hearest, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "or there will never be an end of it; keep a safe conscience and let themsay what they like; for trying to stop slanderers' tongues is like tryingto put gates to the open plain. If a governor comes out of his governmentrich, they say he has been a thief; and if he comes out poor, that he hasbeen a noodle and a blockhead. " "They'll be pretty sure this time, " said Sancho, "to set me down for afool rather than a thief. " Thus talking, and surrounded by boys and a crowd of people, they reachedthe castle, where in one of the corridors the duke and duchess stoodwaiting for them; but Sancho would not go up to see the duke until he hadfirst put up Dapple in the stable, for he said he had passed a very badnight in his last quarters; then he went upstairs to see his lord andlady, and kneeling before them he said, "Because it was your highnesses'pleasure, not because of any desert of my own, I went to govern yourisland of Barataria, which 'I entered naked, and naked I find myself; Ineither lose nor gain. ' Whether I have governed well or ill, I have hadwitnesses who will say what they think fit. I have answered questions, Ihave decided causes, and always dying of hunger, for Doctor Pedro Recioof Tirteafuera, the island and governor doctor, would have it so. Enemiesattacked us by night and put us in a great quandary, but the people ofthe island say they came off safe and victorious by the might of my arm;and may God give them as much health as there's truth in what they say. In short, during that time I have weighed the cares and responsibilitiesgoverning brings with it, and by my reckoning I find my shoulders can'tbear them, nor are they a load for my loins or arrows for my quiver; andso, before the government threw me over I preferred to throw thegovernment over; and yesterday morning I left the island as I found it, with the same streets, houses, and roofs it had when I entered it. Iasked no loan of anybody, nor did I try to fill my pocket; and though Imeant to make some useful laws, I made hardly any, as I was afraid theywould not be kept; for in that case it comes to the same thing to makethem or not to make them. I quitted the island, as I said, without anyescort except my ass; I fell into a pit, I pushed on through it, untilthis morning by the light of the sun I saw an outlet, but not so easy aone but that, had not heaven sent me my master Don Quixote, I'd havestayed there till the end of the world. So now my lord and lady duke andduchess, here is your governor Sancho Panza, who in the bare ten days hehas held the government has come by the knowledge that he would not giveanything to be governor, not to say of an island, but of the whole world;and that point being settled, kissing your worships' feet, and imitatingthe game of the boys when they say, 'leap thou, and give me one, ' I takea leap out of the government and pass into the service of my master DonQuixote; for after all, though in it I eat my bread in fear andtrembling, at any rate I take my fill; and for my part, so long as I'mfull, it's all alike to me whether it's with carrots or with partridges. " Here Sancho brought his long speech to an end, Don Quixote having beenthe whole time in dread of his uttering a host of absurdities; and whenhe found him leave off with so few, he thanked heaven in his heart. Theduke embraced Sancho and told him he was heartily sorry he had given upthe government so soon, but that he would see that he was provided withsome other post on his estate less onerous and more profitable. Theduchess also embraced him, and gave orders that he should be taken goodcare of, as it was plain to see he had been badly treated and worsebruised. CHAPTER LVI. OF THE PRODIGIOUS AND UNPARALLELED BATTLE THAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN DONQUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA AND THE LACQUEY TOSILOS IN DEFENCE OF THE DAUGHTEROF DONA RODRIGUEZ The duke and duchess had no reason to regret the joke that had beenplayed upon Sancho Panza in giving him the government; especially astheir majordomo returned the same day, and gave them a minute account ofalmost every word and deed that Sancho uttered or did during the time;and to wind up with, eloquently described to them the attack upon theisland and Sancho's fright and departure, with which they were not alittle amused. After this the history goes on to say that the day fixedfor the battle arrived, and that the duke, after having repeatedlyinstructed his lacquey Tosilos how to deal with Don Quixote so as tovanquish him without killing or wounding him, gave orders to have theheads removed from the lances, telling Don Quixote that Christiancharity, on which he plumed himself, could not suffer the battle to befought with so much risk and danger to life; and that he must be contentwith the offer of a battlefield on his territory (though that was againstthe decree of the holy Council, which prohibits all challenges of thesort) and not push such an arduous venture to its extreme limits. DonQuixote bade his excellence arrange all matters connected with the affairas he pleased, as on his part he would obey him in everything. The dreadday, then, having arrived, and the duke having ordered a spacious standto be erected facing the court of the castle for the judges of the fieldand the appellant duennas, mother and daughter, vast crowds flocked fromall the villages and hamlets of the neighbourhood to see the novelspectacle of the battle; nobody, dead or alive, in those parts havingever seen or heard of such a one. The first person to enter the-field and the lists was the master of theceremonies, who surveyed and paced the whole ground to see that there wasnothing unfair and nothing concealed to make the combatants stumble orfall; then the duennas entered and seated themselves, enveloped inmantles covering their eyes, nay even their bosoms, and displaying noslight emotion as Don Quixote appeared in the lists. Shortly afterwards, accompanied by several trumpets and mounted on a powerful steed thatthreatened to crush the whole place, the great lacquey Tosilos made hisappearance on one side of the courtyard with his visor down and stifflycased in a suit of stout shining armour. The horse was a manifestFrieslander, broad-backed and flea-bitten, and with half a hundred ofwool hanging to each of his fetlocks. The gallant combatant came wellprimed by his master the duke as to how he was to bear himself againstthe valiant Don Quixote of La Mancha; being warned that he must on noaccount slay him, but strive to shirk the first encounter so as to avoidthe risk of killing him, as he was sure to do if he met him full tilt. Hecrossed the courtyard at a walk, and coming to where the duennas wereplaced stopped to look at her who demanded him for a husband; the marshalof the field summoned Don Quixote, who had already presented himself inthe courtyard, and standing by the side of Tosilos he addressed theduennas, and asked them if they consented that Don Quixote of La Manchashould do battle for their right. They said they did, and that whateverhe should do in that behalf they declared rightly done, final and valid. By this time the duke and duchess had taken their places in a gallerycommanding the enclosure, which was filled to overflowing with amultitude of people eager to see this perilous and unparalleledencounter. The conditions of the combat were that if Don Quixote provedthe victor his antagonist was to marry the daughter of Dona Rodriguez;but if he should be vanquished his opponent was released from the promisethat was claimed against him and from all obligations to givesatisfaction. The master of the ceremonies apportioned the sun to them, and stationed them, each on the spot where he was to stand. The drumsbeat, the sound of the trumpets filled the air, the earth trembled underfoot, the hearts of the gazing crowd were full of anxiety, some hopingfor a happy issue, some apprehensive of an untoward ending to the affair, and lastly, Don Quixote, commending himself with all his heart to God ourLord and to the lady Dulcinea del Toboso, stood waiting for them to givethe necessary signal for the onset. Our lacquey, however, was thinking ofsomething very different; he only thought of what I am now going tomention. It seems that as he stood contemplating his enemy she struck him as themost beautiful woman he had ever seen all his life; and the little blindboy whom in our streets they commonly call Love had no mind to let slipthe chance of triumphing over a lacquey heart, and adding it to the listof his trophies; and so, stealing gently upon him unseen, he drove a darttwo yards long into the poor lacquey's left side and pierced his heartthrough and through; which he was able to do quite at his ease, for Loveis invisible, and comes in and goes out as he likes, without anyonecalling him to account for what he does. Well then, when they gave thesignal for the onset our lacquey was in an ecstasy, musing upon thebeauty of her whom he had already made mistress of his liberty, and so hepaid no attention to the sound of the trumpet, unlike Don Quixote, whowas off the instant he heard it, and, at the highest speed Rocinante wascapable of, set out to meet his enemy, his good squire Sancho shoutinglustily as he saw him start, "God guide thee, cream and flower ofknights-errant! God give thee the victory, for thou hast the right on thyside!" But though Tosilos saw Don Quixote coming at him he never stirreda step from the spot where he was posted; and instead of doing so calledloudly to the marshal of the field, to whom when he came up to see whathe wanted he said, "Senor, is not this battle to decide whether I marryor do not marry that lady?" "Just so, " was the answer. "Well then, " saidthe lacquey, "I feel qualms of conscience, and I should lay a-heavyburden upon it if I were to proceed any further with the combat; Itherefore declare that I yield myself vanquished, and that I am willingto marry the lady at once. " The marshal of the field was lost in astonishment at the words ofTosilos; and as he was one of those who were privy to the arrangement ofthe affair he knew not what to say in reply. Don Quixote pulled up in midcareer when he saw that his enemy was not coming on to the attack. Theduke could not make out the reason why the battle did not go on; but themarshal of the field hastened to him to let him know what Tosilos said, and he was amazed and extremely angry at it. In the meantime Tosilosadvanced to where Dona Rodriguez sat and said in a loud voice, "Senora, Iam willing to marry your daughter, and I have no wish to obtain by strifeand fighting what I can obtain in peace and without any risk to my life. " The valiant Don Quixote heard him, and said, "As that is the case I amreleased and absolved from my promise; let them marry by all means, andas 'God our Lord has given her, may Saint Peter add his blessing. '" The duke had now descended to the courtyard of the castle, and going upto Tosilos he said to him, "Is it true, sir knight, that you yieldyourself vanquished, and that moved by scruples of conscience you wish tomarry this damsel?" "It is, senor, " replied Tosilos. "And he does well, " said Sancho, "for what thou hast to give to themouse, give to the cat, and it will save thee all trouble. " Tosilos meanwhile was trying to unlace his helmet, and he begged them tocome to his help at once, as his power of breathing was failing him, andhe could not remain so long shut up in that confined space. They removedit in all haste, and his lacquey features were revealed to public gaze. At this sight Dona Rodriguez and her daughter raised a mighty outcry, exclaiming, "This is a trick! This is a trick! They have put Tosilos, mylord the duke's lacquey, upon us in place of the real husband. Thejustice of God and the king against such trickery, not to say roguery!" "Do not distress yourselves, ladies, " said Don Quixote; "for this is notrickery or roguery; or if it is, it is not the duke who is at the bottomof it, but those wicked enchanters who persecute me, and who, jealous ofmy reaping the glory of this victory, have turned your husband's featuresinto those of this person, who you say is a lacquey of the duke's; takemy advice, and notwithstanding the malice of my enemies marry him, forbeyond a doubt he is the one you wish for a husband. " When the duke heard this all his anger was near vanishing in a fit oflaughter, and he said, "The things that happen to Senor Don Quixote areso extraordinary that I am ready to believe this lacquey of mine is notone; but let us adopt this plan and device; let us put off the marriagefor, say, a fortnight, and let us keep this person about whom we areuncertain in close confinement, and perhaps in the course of that time hemay return to his original shape; for the spite which the enchantersentertain against Senor Don Quixote cannot last so long, especially as itis of so little advantage to them to practise these deceptions andtransformations. " "Oh, senor, " said Sancho, "those scoundrels are well used to changingwhatever concerns my master from one thing into another. A knight that heovercame some time back, called the Knight of the Mirrors, they turnedinto the shape of the bachelor Samson Carrasco of our town and a greatfriend of ours; and my lady Dulcinea del Toboso they have turned into acommon country wench; so I suspect this lacquey will have to live and diea lacquey all the days of his life. " Here the Rodriguez's daughter exclaimed, "Let him be who he may, this manthat claims me for a wife; I am thankful to him for the same, for I hadrather be the lawful wife of a lacquey than the cheated mistress of agentleman; though he who played me false is nothing of the kind. " To be brief, all the talk and all that had happened ended in Tosilosbeing shut up until it was seen how his transformation turned out. Allhailed Don Quixote as victor, but the greater number were vexed anddisappointed at finding that the combatants they had been so anxiouslywaiting for had not battered one another to pieces, just as the boys aredisappointed when the man they are waiting to see hanged does not comeout, because the prosecution or the court has pardoned him. The peopledispersed, the duke and Don Quixote returned to the castle, they lockedup Tosilos, Dona Rodriguez and her daughter remained perfectly contentedwhen they saw that any way the affair must end in marriage, and Tosiloswanted nothing else. CHAPTER LVII. WHICH TREATS OF HOW DON QUIXOTE TOOK LEAVE OF THE DUKE, AND OF WHATFOLLOWED WITH THE WITTY AND IMPUDENT ALTISIDORA, ONE OF THE DUCHESS'SDAMSELS Don Quixote now felt it right to quit a life of such idleness as he wasleading in the castle; for he fancied that he was making himself sorelymissed by suffering himself to remain shut up and inactive amid thecountless luxuries and enjoyments his hosts lavished upon him as aknight, and he felt too that he would have to render a strict account toheaven of that indolence and seclusion; and so one day he asked the dukeand duchess to grant him permission to take his departure. They gave it, showing at the same time that they were very sorry he was leaving them. The duchess gave his wife's letters to Sancho Panza, who shed tears overthem, saying, "Who would have thought that such grand hopes as the newsof my government bred in my wife Teresa Panza's breast would end in mygoing back now to the vagabond adventures of my master Don Quixote of LaMancha? Still I'm glad to see my Teresa behaved as she ought in sendingthe acorns, for if she had not sent them I'd have been sorry, and she'dhave shown herself ungrateful. It is a comfort to me that they can't callthat present a bribe; for I had got the government already when she sentthem, and it's but reasonable that those who have had a good turn donethem should show their gratitude, if it's only with a trifle. After all Iwent into the government naked, and I come out of it naked; so I can saywith a safe conscience--and that's no small matter--'naked I was born, naked I find myself, I neither lose nor gain. '" Thus did Sancho soliloquise on the day of their departure, as DonQuixote, who had the night before taken leave of the duke and duchess, coming out made his appearance at an early hour in full armour in thecourtyard of the castle. The whole household of the castle were watchinghim from the corridors, and the duke and duchess, too, came out to seehim. Sancho was mounted on his Dapple, with his alforjas, valise, andproven, supremely happy because the duke's majordomo, the same that hadacted the part of the Trifaldi, had given him a little purse with twohundred gold crowns to meet the necessary expenses of the road, but ofthis Don Quixote knew nothing as yet. While all were, as has been said, observing him, suddenly from among the duennas and handmaidens theimpudent and witty Altisidora lifted up her voice and said in pathetictones: Give ear, cruel knight; Draw rein; where's the needOf spurring the flanks Of that ill-broken steed?From what art thou flying? No dragon I am, Not even a sheep, But a tender young lamb. Thou hast jilted a maiden As fair to beholdAs nymph of Diana Or Venus of old. Bireno, AEneas, what worse shall I call thee? Barabbas go with thee! All evil befall thee! In thy claws, ruthless robber, Thou bearest awayThe heart of a meek Loving maid for thy prey, Three kerchiefs thou stealest, And garters a pair, From legs than the whitest Of marble more fair;And the sighs that pursue thee Would burn to the groundTwo thousand Troy Towns, If so many were found. Bireno, AEneas, what worse shall I call thee? Barabbas go with thee! All evil befall thee! May no bowels of mercy To Sancho be granted, And thy Dulcinea Be left still enchanted, May thy falsehood to me Find its punishment in her, For in my land the just Often pays for the sinner. May thy grandest adventures Discomfitures prove, May thy joys be all dreams, And forgotten thy love. Bireno, AEneas, what worse shall I call thee? Barabbas go with thee! All evil befall thee! May thy name be abhorred For thy conduct to ladies, From London to England, From Seville to Cadiz;May thy cards be unlucky, Thy hands contain ne'er aKing, seven, or ace When thou playest primera;When thy corns are cut May it be to the quick;When thy grinders are drawn May the roots of them stick. Bireno, AEneas, what worse shall I call thee? Barabbas go with thee! All evil befall thee! All the while the unhappy Altisidora was bewailing herself in the abovestrain Don Quixote stood staring at her; and without uttering a word inreply to her he turned round to Sancho and said, "Sancho my friend, Iconjure thee by the life of thy forefathers tell me the truth; say, hastthou by any chance taken the three kerchiefs and the garters thislove-sick maid speaks of?" To this Sancho made answer, "The three kerchiefs I have; but the garters, as much as 'over the hills of Ubeda. '" The duchess was amazed at Altisidora's assurance; she knew that she wasbold, lively, and impudent, but not so much so as to venture to make freein this fashion; and not being prepared for the joke, her astonishmentwas all the greater. The duke had a mind to keep up the sport, so hesaid, "It does not seem to me well done in you, sir knight, that afterhaving received the hospitality that has been offered you in this verycastle, you should have ventured to carry off even three kerchiefs, notto say my handmaid's garters. It shows a bad heart and does not tallywith your reputation. Restore her garters, or else I defy you to mortalcombat, for I am not afraid of rascally enchanters changing or alteringmy features as they changed his who encountered you into those of mylacquey, Tosilos. " "God forbid, " said Don Quixote, "that I should draw my sword against yourillustrious person from which I have received such great favours. Thekerchiefs I will restore, as Sancho says he has them; as to the gartersthat is impossible, for I have not got them, neither has he; and if yourhandmaiden here will look in her hiding-places, depend upon it she willfind them. I have never been a thief, my lord duke, nor do I mean to beso long as I live, if God cease not to have me in his keeping. Thisdamsel by her own confession speaks as one in love, for which I am not toblame, and therefore need not ask pardon, either of her or of yourexcellence, whom I entreat to have a better opinion of me, and once moreto give me leave to pursue my journey. " "And may God so prosper it, Senor Don Quixote, " said the duchess, "thatwe may always hear good news of your exploits; God speed you; for thelonger you stay, the more you inflame the hearts of the damsels whobehold you; and as for this one of mine, I will so chastise her that shewill not transgress again, either with her eyes or with her words. " "One word and no more, O valiant Don Quixote, I ask you to hear, " saidAltisidora, "and that is that I beg your pardon about the theft of thegarters; for by God and upon my soul I have got them on, and I havefallen into the same blunder as he did who went looking for his ass beingall the while mounted on it. " "Didn't I say so?" said Sancho. "I'm a likely one to hide thefts! Why ifI wanted to deal in them, opportunities came ready enough to me in mygovernment. " Don Quixote bowed his head, and saluted the duke and duchess and all thebystanders, and wheeling Rocinante round, Sancho following him on Dapple, he rode out of the castle, shaping his course for Saragossa.