DON QUIXOTE

 Volume II. 

 Part 33. 

 by Miguel de Cervantes

 Translated by John Ormsby

CHAPTER XLIX. 

OF WHAT HAPPENED SANCHO IN MAKING THE ROUND OF HIS ISLAND

We left the great governor angered and irritated by thatportrait-painting rogue of a farmer who, instructed the majordomo, as themajordomo was by the duke, tried to practise upon him; he however, fool, boor, and clown as he was, held his own against them all, saying to thoseround him and to Doctor Pedro Recio, who as soon as the private businessof the duke's letter was disposed of had returned to the room, "Now I seeplainly enough that judges and governors ought to be and must be made ofbrass not to feel the importunities of the applicants that at all timesand all seasons insist on being heard, and having their businessdespatched, and their own affairs and no others attended to, come whatmay; and if the poor judge does not hear them and settle thematter--either because he cannot or because that is not the time setapart for hearing them-forthwith they abuse him, and run him down, andgnaw at his bones, and even pick holes in his pedigree. You silly, stupidapplicant, don't be in a hurry; wait for the proper time and season fordoing business; don't come at dinner-hour, or at bed-time; for judges areonly flesh and blood, and must give to Nature what she naturally demandsof them; all except myself, for in my case I give her nothing to eat, thanks to Senor Doctor Pedro Recio Tirteafuera here, who would have medie of hunger, and declares that death to be life; and the same sort oflife may God give him and all his kind--I mean the bad doctors; for thegood ones deserve palms and laurels. "

All who knew Sancho Panza were astonished to hear him speak so elegantly, and did not know what to attribute it to unless it were that office andgrave responsibility either smarten or stupefy men's wits. At last DoctorPedro Recio Agilers of Tirteafuera promised to let him have supper thatnight though it might be in contravention of all the aphorisms ofHippocrates. With this the governor was satisfied and looked forward tothe approach of night and supper-time with great anxiety; and thoughtime, to his mind, stood still and made no progress, nevertheless thehour he so longed for came, and they gave him a beef salad with onionsand some boiled calves' feet rather far gone. At this he fell to withgreater relish than if they had given him francolins from Milan, pheasants from Rome, veal from Sorrento, partridges from Moron, or geesefrom Lavajos, and turning to the doctor at supper he said to him, "Lookhere, senor doctor, for the future don't trouble yourself about giving medainty things or choice dishes to eat, for it will be only taking mystomach off its hinges; it is accustomed to goat, cow, bacon, hung beef, turnips and onions; and if by any chance it is given these palace dishes, it receives them squeamishly, and sometimes with loathing. What thehead-carver had best do is to serve me with what they call ollas podridas(and the rottener they are the better they smell); and he can putwhatever he likes into them, so long as it is good to eat, and I'll beobliged to him, and will requite him some day. But let nobody play prankson me, for either we are or we are not; let us live and eat in peace andgood-fellowship, for when God sends the dawn, he sends it for all. I meanto govern this island without giving up a right or taking a bribe; leteveryone keep his eye open, and look out for the arrow; for I can tellthem 'the devil's in Cantillana, ' and if they drive me to it they'll seesomething that will astonish them. Nay! make yourself honey and the flieseat you. "

"Of a truth, senor governor, " said the carver, "your worship is in theright of it in everything you have said; and I promise you in the name ofall the inhabitants of this island that they will serve your worship withall zeal, affection, and good-will, for the mild kind of government youhave given a sample of to begin with, leaves them no ground for doing orthinking anything to your worship's disadvantage. "

"That I believe, " said Sancho; "and they would be great fools if they didor thought otherwise; once more I say, see to my feeding and my Dapple'sfor that is the great point and what is most to the purpose; and when thehour comes let us go the rounds, for it is my intention to purge thisisland of all manner of uncleanness and of all idle good-for-nothingvagabonds; for I would have you know that lazy idlers are the same thingin a State as the drones in a hive, that eat up the honey the industriousbees make. I mean to protect the husbandman, to preserve to the gentlemanhis privileges, to reward the virtuous, and above all to respect religionand honour its ministers. What say you to that, my friends? Is thereanything in what I say, or am I talking to no purpose?"

"There is so much in what your worship says, senor governor, " said themajordomo, "that I am filled with wonder when I see a man like yourworship, entirely without learning (for I believe you have none at all), say such things, and so full of sound maxims and sage remarks, verydifferent from what was expected of your worship's intelligence by thosewho sent us or by us who came here. Every day we see something new inthis world; jokes become realities, and the jokers find the tables turnedupon them. "

Night came, and with the permission of Doctor Pedro Recio, the governorhad supper. They then got ready to go the rounds, and he started with themajordomo, the secretary, the head-carver, the chronicler charged withrecording his deeds, and alguacils and notaries enough to form afair-sized squadron. In the midst marched Sancho with his staff, as finea sight as one could wish to see, and but a few streets of the town hadbeen traversed when they heard a noise as of a clashing of swords. Theyhastened to the spot, and found that the combatants were but two, whoseeing the authorities approaching stood still, and one of themexclaimed, "Help, in the name of God and the king! Are men to be allowedto rob in the middle of this town, and rush out and attack people in thevery streets?"

"Be calm, my good man, " said Sancho, "and tell me what the cause of thisquarrel is; for I am the governor. "

Said the other combatant, "Senor governor, I will tell you in a very fewwords. Your worship must know that this gentleman has just now won morethan a thousand reals in that gambling house opposite, and God knows how. I was there, and gave more than one doubtful point in his favour, verymuch against what my conscience told me. He made off with his winnings, and when I made sure he was going to give me a crown or so at least byway of a present, as it is usual and customary to give men of quality ofmy sort who stand by to see fair or foul play, and back up swindles, andprevent quarrels, he pocketed his money and left the house. Indignant atthis I followed him, and speaking him fairly and civilly asked him togive me if it were only eight reals, for he knows I am an honest man andthat I have neither profession nor property, for my parents never broughtme up to any or left me any; but the rogue, who is a greater thief thanCacus and a greater sharper than Andradilla, would not give me more thanfour reals; so your worship may see how little shame and conscience hehas. But by my faith if you had not come up I'd have made him disgorgehis winnings, and he'd have learned what the range of the steel-yardwas. "

"What say you to this?" asked Sancho. The other replied that all hisantagonist said was true, and that he did not choose to give him morethan four reals because he very often gave him money; and that those whoexpected presents ought to be civil and take what is given them with acheerful countenance, and not make any claim against winners unless theyknow them for certain to be sharpers and their winnings to be unfairlywon; and that there could be no better proof that he himself was anhonest man than his having refused to give anything; for sharpers alwayspay tribute to lookers-on who know them. 

"That is true, " said the majordomo; "let your worship consider what is tobe done with these men. "

"What is to be done, " said Sancho, "is this; you, the winner, be yougood, bad, or indifferent, give this assailant of yours a hundred realsat once, and you must disburse thirty more for the poor prisoners; andyou who have neither profession nor property, and hang about the islandin idleness, take these hundred reals now, and some time of the dayto-morrow quit the island under sentence of banishment for ten years, andunder pain of completing it in another life if you violate the sentence, for I'll hang you on a gibbet, or at least the hangman will by my orders;not a word from either of you, or I'll make him feel my hand. "

The one paid down the money and the other took it, and the latter quittedthe island, while the other went home; and then the governor said, "Either I am not good for much, or I'll get rid of these gambling houses, for it strikes me they are very mischievous. "

"This one at least, " said one of the notaries, "your worship will not beable to get rid of, for a great man owns it, and what he loses every yearis beyond all comparison more than what he makes by the cards. On theminor gambling houses your worship may exercise your power, and it isthey that do most harm and shelter the most barefaced practices; for inthe houses of lords and gentlemen of quality the notorious sharpers darenot attempt to play their tricks; and as the vice of gambling has becomecommon, it is better that men should play in houses of repute than insome tradesman's, where they catch an unlucky fellow in the small hoursof the morning and skin him alive. "

"I know already, notary, that there is a good deal to be said on thatpoint, " said Sancho. 

And now a tipstaff came up with a young man in his grasp, and said, "Senor governor, this youth was coming towards us, and as soon as he sawthe officers of justice he turned about and ran like a deer, a sure proofthat he must be some evil-doer; I ran after him, and had it not been thathe stumbled and fell, I should never have caught him. "

"What did you run for, fellow?" said Sancho. 

To which the young man replied, "Senor, it was to avoid answering all thequestions officers of justice put. "

"What are you by trade?"

"A weaver. "

"And what do you weave?"

"Lance heads, with your worship's good leave. "

"You're facetious with me! You plume yourself on being a wag? Very good;and where were you going just now?"

"To take the air, senor. "

"And where does one take the air in this island?"

"Where it blows. "

"Good! your answers are very much to the point; you are a smart youth;but take notice that I am the air, and that I blow upon you a-stern, andsend you to gaol. Ho there! lay hold of him and take him off; I'll makehim sleep there to-night without air. "

"By God, " said the young man, "your worship will make me sleep in gaoljust as soon as make me king. "

"Why shan't I make thee sleep in gaol?" said Sancho. "Have I not thepower to arrest thee and release thee whenever I like?"

"All the power your worship has, " said the young man, "won't be able tomake me sleep in gaol. "

"How? not able!" said Sancho; "take him away at once where he'll see hismistake with his own eyes, even if the gaoler is willing to exert hisinterested generosity on his behalf; for I'll lay a penalty of twothousand ducats on him if he allows him to stir a step from the prison. "

"That's ridiculous, " said the young man; "the fact is, all the men onearth will not make me sleep in prison. "

"Tell me, you devil, " said Sancho, "have you got any angel that willdeliver you, and take off the irons I am going to order them to put uponyou?"

"Now, senor governor, " said the young man in a sprightly manner, "let usbe reasonable and come to the point. Granted your worship may order me tobe taken to prison, and to have irons and chains put on me, and to beshut up in a cell, and may lay heavy penalties on the gaoler if he letsme out, and that he obeys your orders; still, if I don't choose to sleep, and choose to remain awake all night without closing an eye, will yourworship with all your power be able to make me sleep if I don't choose?"

"No, truly, " said the secretary, "and the fellow has made his point. "

"So then, " said Sancho, "it would be entirely of your own choice youwould keep from sleeping; not in opposition to my will?"

"No, senor, " said the youth, "certainly not. "

"Well then, go, and God be with you, " said Sancho; "be off home to sleep, and God give you sound sleep, for I don't want to rob you of it; but forthe future, let me advise you don't joke with the authorities, becauseyou may come across some one who will bring down the joke on your ownskull. "

The young man went his way, and the governor continued his round, andshortly afterwards two tipstaffs came up with a man in custody, and said, "Senor governor, this person, who seems to be a man, is not so, but awoman, and not an ill-favoured one, in man's clothes. " They raised two orthree lanterns to her face, and by their light they distinguished thefeatures of a woman to all appearance of the age of sixteen or a littlemore, with her hair gathered into a gold and green silk net, and fair asa thousand pearls. They scanned her from head to foot, and observed thatshe had on red silk stockings with garters of white taffety bordered withgold and pearl; her breeches were of green and gold stuff, and under anopen jacket or jerkin of the same she wore a doublet of the finest whiteand gold cloth; her shoes were white and such as men wear; she carried nosword at her belt, but only a richly ornamented dagger, and on herfingers she had several handsome rings. In short, the girl seemed fair tolook at in the eyes of all, and none of those who beheld her knew her, the people of the town said they could not imagine who she was, and thosewho were in the secret of the jokes that were to be practised upon Sanchowere the ones who were most surprised, for this incident or discovery hadnot been arranged by them; and they watched anxiously to see how theaffair would end. 

Sancho was fascinated by the girl's beauty, and he asked her who she was, where she was going, and what had induced her to dress herself in thatgarb. She with her eyes fixed on the ground answered in modest confusion, "I cannot tell you, senor, before so many people what it is of suchconsequence to me to have kept secret; one thing I wish to be known, thatI am no thief or evildoer, but only an unhappy maiden whom the power ofjealousy has led to break through the respect that is due to modesty. "

Hearing this the majordomo said to Sancho, "Make the people stand back, senor governor, that this lady may say what she wishes with lessembarrassment. "

Sancho gave the order, and all except the majordomo, the head-carver, andthe secretary fell back. Finding herself then in the presence of no more, the damsel went on to say, "I am the daughter, sirs, of Pedro PerezMazorca, the wool-farmer of this town, who is in the habit of coming veryoften to my father's house. "

"That won't do, senora, " said the majordomo; "for I know Pedro Perez verywell, and I know he has no child at all, either son or daughter; andbesides, though you say he is your father, you add then that he comesvery often to your father's house. "

"I had already noticed that, " said Sancho. 

"I am confused just now, sirs, " said the damsel, "and I don't know what Iam saying; but the truth is that I am the daughter of Diego de la Llana, whom you must all know. "

"Ay, that will do, " said the majordomo; "for I know Diego de la Llana, and know that he is a gentleman of position and a rich man, and that hehas a son and a daughter, and that since he was left a widower nobody inall this town can speak of having seen his daughter's face; for he keepsher so closely shut up that he does not give even the sun a chance ofseeing her; and for all that report says she is extremely beautiful. "

"It is true, " said the damsel, "and I am that daughter; whether reportlies or not as to my beauty, you, sirs, will have decided by this time, as you have seen me;" and with this she began to weep bitterly. 

On seeing this the secretary leant over to the head-carver's ear, andsaid to him in a low voice, "Something serious has no doubt happened thispoor maiden, that she goes wandering from home in such a dress and atsuch an hour, and one of her rank too. " "There can be no doubt about it, "returned the carver, "and moreover her tears confirm your suspicion. "Sancho gave her the best comfort he could, and entreated her to tell themwithout any fear what had happened her, as they would all earnestly andby every means in their power endeavour to relieve her. 

"The fact is, sirs, " said she, "that my father has kept me shut up theseten years, for so long is it since the earth received my mother. Mass issaid at home in a sumptuous chapel, and all this time I have seen but thesun in the heaven by day, and the moon and the stars by night; nor do Iknow what streets are like, or plazas, or churches, or even men, exceptmy father and a brother I have, and Pedro Perez the wool-farmer; whom, because he came frequently to our house, I took it into my head to callmy father, to avoid naming my own. This seclusion and the restrictionslaid upon my going out, were it only to church, have been keeping meunhappy for many a day and month past; I longed to see the world, or atleast the town where I was born, and it did not seem to me that this wishwas inconsistent with the respect maidens of good quality should have forthemselves. When I heard them talking of bull-fights taking place, and ofjavelin games, and of acting plays, I asked my brother, who is a yearyounger than myself, to tell me what sort of things these were, and manymore that I had never seen; he explained them to me as well as he could, but the only effect was to kindle in me a still stronger desire to seethem. At last, to cut short the story of my ruin, I begged and entreatedmy brother--O that I had never made such an entreaty-" And once more shegave way to a burst of weeping. 

"Proceed, senora, " said the majordomo, "and finish your story of what hashappened to you, for your words and tears are keeping us all insuspense. "

"I have but little more to say, though many a tear to shed, " said thedamsel; "for ill-placed desires can only be paid for in some such way. "

The maiden's beauty had made a deep impression on the head-carver'sheart, and he again raised his lantern for another look at her, andthought they were not tears she was shedding, but seed-pearl or dew ofthe meadow, nay, he exalted them still higher, and made Oriental pearlsof them, and fervently hoped her misfortune might not be so great a oneas her tears and sobs seemed to indicate. The governor was losingpatience at the length of time the girl was taking to tell her story, andtold her not to keep them waiting any longer; for it was late, and therestill remained a good deal of the town to be gone over. 

She, with broken sobs and half-suppressed sighs, went on to say, "Mymisfortune, my misadventure, is simply this, that I entreated my brotherto dress me up as a man in a suit of his clothes, and take me some night, when our father was asleep, to see the whole town; he, overcome by myentreaties, consented, and dressing me in this suit and himself inclothes of mine that fitted him as if made for him (for he has not a hairon his chin, and might pass for a very beautiful young girl), to-night, about an hour ago, more or less, we left the house, and guided by ouryouthful and foolish impulse we made the circuit of the whole town, andthen, as we were about to return home, we saw a great troop of peoplecoming, and my brother said to me, 'Sister, this must be the round, stiryour feet and put wings to them, and follow me as fast as you can, lestthey recognise us, for that would be a bad business for us;' and sosaying he turned about and began, I cannot say to run but to fly; in lessthan six paces I fell from fright, and then the officer of justice cameup and carried me before your worships, where I find myself put to shamebefore all these people as whimsical and vicious. "

"So then, senora, " said Sancho, "no other mishap has befallen you, norwas it jealousy that made you leave home, as you said at the beginning ofyour story?"

"Nothing has happened me, " said she, "nor was it jealousy that brought meout, but merely a longing to see the world, which did not go beyondseeing the streets of this town. "

The appearance of the tipstaffs with her brother in custody, whom one ofthem had overtaken as he ran away from his sister, now fully confirmedthe truth of what the damsel said. He had nothing on but a rich petticoatand a short blue damask cloak with fine gold lace, and his head wasuncovered and adorned only with its own hair, which looked like rings ofgold, so bright and curly was it. The governor, the majordomo, and thecarver went aside with him, and, unheard by his sister, asked him how hecame to be in that dress, and he with no less shame and embarrassmenttold exactly the same story as his sister, to the great delight of theenamoured carver; the governor, however, said to them, "In truth, younglady and gentleman, this has been a very childish affair, and to explainyour folly and rashness there was no necessity for all this delay and allthese tears and sighs; for if you had said we are so-and-so, and weescaped from our father's house in this way in order to ramble about, outof mere curiosity and with no other object, there would have been an endof the matter, and none of these little sobs and tears and all the restof it. "

"That is true, " said the damsel, "but you see the confusion I was in wasso great it did not let me behave as I ought. "

"No harm has been done, " said Sancho; "come, we will leave you at yourfather's house; perhaps they will not have missed you; and another timedon't be so childish or eager to see the world; for a respectable damselshould have a broken leg and keep at home; and the woman and the hen bygadding about are soon lost; and she who is eager to see is also eager tobe seen; I say no more. "

The youth thanked the governor for his kind offer to take them home, andthey directed their steps towards the house, which was not far off. Onreaching it the youth threw a pebble up at a grating, and immediately awoman-servant who was waiting for them came down and opened the door tothem, and they went in, leaving the party marvelling as much at theirgrace and beauty as at the fancy they had for seeing the world by nightand without quitting the village; which, however, they set down to theiryouth. 

The head-carver was left with a heart pierced through and through, and hemade up his mind on the spot to demand the damsel in marriage of herfather on the morrow, making sure she would not be refused him as he wasa servant of the duke's; and even to Sancho ideas and schemes of marryingthe youth to his daughter Sanchica suggested themselves, and he resolvedto open the negotiation at the proper season, persuading himself that nohusband could be refused to a governor's daughter. And so the night'sround came to an end, and a couple of days later the government, wherebyall his plans were overthrown and swept away, as will be seen farther on. 

CHAPTER L. 

WHEREIN IS SET FORTH WHO THE ENCHANTERS AND EXECUTIONERS WERE WHO FLOGGEDTHE DUENNA AND PINCHED DON QUIXOTE, AND ALSO WHAT BEFELL THE PAGE WHOCARRIED THE LETTER TO TERESA PANZA, SANCHO PANZA'S WIFE

Cide Hamete, the painstaking investigator of the minute points of thisveracious history, says that when Dona Rodriguez left her own room to goto Don Quixote's, another duenna who slept with her observed her, and asall duennas are fond of prying, listening, and sniffing, she followed herso silently that the good Rodriguez never perceived it; and as soon asthe duenna saw her enter Don Quixote's room, not to fail in a duenna'sinvariable practice of tattling, she hurried off that instant to reportto the duchess how Dona Rodriguez was closeted with Don Quixote. Theduchess told the duke, and asked him to let her and Altisidora go and seewhat the said duenna wanted with Don Quixote. The duke gave them leave, and the pair cautiously and quietly crept to the door of the room andposted themselves so close to it that they could hear all that was saidinside. But when the duchess heard how the Rodriguez had made public theAranjuez of her issues she could not restrain herself, nor Altisidoraeither; and so, filled with rage and thirsting for vengeance, they burstinto the room and tormented Don Quixote and flogged the duenna in themanner already described; for indignities offered to their charms andself-esteem mightily provoke the anger of women and make them eager forrevenge. The duchess told the duke what had happened, and he was muchamused by it; and she, in pursuance of her design of making merry anddiverting herself with Don Quixote, despatched the page who had playedthe part of Dulcinea in the negotiations for her disenchantment (whichSancho Panza in the cares of government had forgotten all about) toTeresa Panza his wife with her husband's letter and another from herself, and also a great string of fine coral beads as a present. 

Now the history says this page was very sharp and quick-witted; and eagerto serve his lord and lady he set off very willingly for Sancho'svillage. Before he entered it he observed a number of women washing in abrook, and asked them if they could tell him whether there lived there awoman of the name of Teresa Panza, wife of one Sancho Panza, squire to aknight called Don Quixote of La Mancha. At the question a young girl whowas washing stood up and said, "Teresa Panza is my mother, and thatSancho is my father, and that knight is our master. "

"Well then, miss, " said the page, "come and show me where your mother is, for I bring her a letter and a present from your father. "

"That I will with all my heart, senor, " said the girl, who seemed to beabout fourteen, more or less; and leaving the clothes she was washing toone of her companions, and without putting anything on her head or feet, for she was bare-legged and had her hair hanging about her, away sheskipped in front of the page's horse, saying, "Come, your worship, ourhouse is at the entrance of the town, and my mother is there, sorrowfulenough at not having had any news of my father this ever so long. "

"Well, " said the page, "I am bringing her such good news that she willhave reason to thank God. "

And then, skipping, running, and capering, the girl reached the town, butbefore going into the house she called out at the door, "Come out, motherTeresa, come out, come out; here's a gentleman with letters and otherthings from my good father. " At these words her mother Teresa Panza cameout spinning a bundle of flax, in a grey petticoat (so short was it onewould have fancied "they to her shame had cut it short"), a grey bodiceof the same stuff, and a smock. She was not very old, though plainly pastforty, strong, healthy, vigorous, and sun-dried; and seeing her daughterand the page on horseback, she exclaimed, "What's this, child? Whatgentleman is this?"

"A servant of my lady, Dona Teresa Panza, " replied the page; and suitingthe action to the word he flung himself off his horse, and with greathumility advanced to kneel before the lady Teresa, saying, "Let me kissyour hand, Senora Dona Teresa, as the lawful and only wife of Senor DonSancho Panza, rightful governor of the island of Barataria. "

"Ah, senor, get up, do that, " said Teresa; "for I'm not a bit of a courtlady, but only a poor country woman, the daughter of a clodcrusher, andthe wife of a squire-errant and not of any governor at all. "

"You are, " said the page, "the most worthy wife of a most arch-worthygovernor; and as a proof of what I say accept this letter and thispresent;" and at the same time he took out of his pocket a string ofcoral beads with gold clasps, and placed it on her neck, and said, "Thisletter is from his lordship the governor, and the other as well as thesecoral beads from my lady the duchess, who sends me to your worship. "

Teresa stood lost in astonishment, and her daughter just as much, and thegirl said, "May I die but our master Don Quixote's at the bottom of this;he must have given father the government or county he so often promisedhim. "

"That is the truth, " said the page; "for it is through Senor Don Quixotethat Senor Sancho is now governor of the island of Barataria, as will beseen by this letter. "

"Will your worship read it to me, noble sir?" said Teresa; "for though Ican spin I can't read, not a scrap. "

"Nor I either, " said Sanchica; "but wait a bit, and I'll go and fetchsome one who can read it, either the curate himself or the bachelorSamson Carrasco, and they'll come gladly to hear any news of my father. "

"There is no need to fetch anybody, " said the page; "for though I can'tspin I can read, and I'll read it;" and so he read it through, but as ithas been already given it is not inserted here; and then he took out theother one from the duchess, which ran as follows:

Friend Teresa, --Your husband Sancho's good qualities, of heart as well asof head, induced and compelled me to request my husband the duke to givehim the government of one of his many islands. I am told he governs likea gerfalcon, of which I am very glad, and my lord the duke, of course, also; and I am very thankful to heaven that I have not made a mistake inchoosing him for that same government; for I would have Senora Teresaknow that a good governor is hard to find in this world and may God makeme as good as Sancho's way of governing. Herewith I send you, my dear, astring of coral beads with gold clasps; I wish they were Oriental pearls;but "he who gives thee a bone does not wish to see thee dead;" a timewill come when we shall become acquainted and meet one another, but Godknows the future. Commend me to your daughter Sanchica, and tell her fromme to hold herself in readiness, for I mean to make a high match for herwhen she least expects it. They tell me there are big acorns in yourvillage; send me a couple of dozen or so, and I shall value them greatlyas coming from your hand; and write to me at length to assure me of yourhealth and well-being; and if there be anything you stand in need of, itis but to open your mouth, and that shall be the measure; and so God keepyou. 

From this place. Your loving friend, THE DUCHESS. 

"Ah, what a good, plain, lowly lady!" said Teresa when she heard theletter; "that I may be buried with ladies of that sort, and not thegentlewomen we have in this town, that fancy because they are gentlewomenthe wind must not touch them, and go to church with as much airs as ifthey were queens, no less, and seem to think they are disgraced if theylook at a farmer's wife! And see here how this good lady, for all she's aduchess, calls me 'friend, ' and treats me as if I was her equal--andequal may I see her with the tallest church-tower in La Mancha! And asfor the acorns, senor, I'll send her ladyship a peck and such big onesthat one might come to see them as a show and a wonder. And now, Sanchica, see that the gentleman is comfortable; put up his horse, andget some eggs out of the stable, and cut plenty of bacon, and let's givehim his dinner like a prince; for the good news he has brought, and hisown bonny face deserve it all; and meanwhile I'll run out and give theneighbours the news of our good luck, and father curate, and MasterNicholas the barber, who are and always have been such friends of thyfather's. "

"That I will, mother, " said Sanchica; "but mind, you must give me half ofthat string; for I don't think my lady the duchess could have been sostupid as to send it all to you. "

"It is all for thee, my child, " said Teresa; "but let me wear it round myneck for a few days; for verily it seems to make my heart glad. "

"You will be glad too, " said the page, "when you see the bundle there isin this portmanteau, for it is a suit of the finest cloth, that thegovernor only wore one day out hunting and now sends, all for SenoraSanchica. "

"May he live a thousand years, " said Sanchica, "and the bearer as many, nay two thousand, if needful. "

With this Teresa hurried out of the house with the letters, and with thestring of beads round her neck, and went along thrumming the letters asif they were a tambourine, and by chance coming across the curate andSamson Carrasco she began capering and saying, "None of us poor now, faith! We've got a little government! Ay, let the finest fine lady tackleme, and I'll give her a setting down!"

"What's all this, Teresa Panza, " said they; "what madness is this, andwhat papers are those?"

"The madness is only this, " said she, "that these are the letters ofduchesses and governors, and these I have on my neck are fine coralbeads, with ave-marias and paternosters of beaten gold, and I am agoverness. "

"God help us, " said the curate, "we don't understand you, Teresa, or knowwhat you are talking about. "

"There, you may see it yourselves, " said Teresa, and she handed them theletters. 

The curate read them out for Samson Carrasco to hear, and Samson and heregarded one another with looks of astonishment at what they had read, and the bachelor asked who had brought the letters. Teresa in reply badethem come with her to her house and they would see the messenger, a mostelegant youth, who had brought another present which was worth as muchmore. The curate took the coral beads from her neck and examined themagain and again, and having satisfied himself as to their fineness hefell to wondering afresh, and said, "By the gown I wear I don't know whatto say or think of these letters and presents; on the one hand I can seeand feel the fineness of these coral beads, and on the other I read how aduchess sends to beg for a couple of dozen of acorns. "

"Square that if you can, " said Carrasco; "well, let's go and see themessenger, and from him we'll learn something about this mystery that hasturned up. "

They did so, and Teresa returned with them. They found the page sifting alittle barley for his horse, and Sanchica cutting a rasher of bacon to bepaved with eggs for his dinner. His looks and his handsome apparelpleased them both greatly; and after they had saluted him courteously, and he them, Samson begged him to give them his news, as well of DonQuixote as of Sancho Panza, for, he said, though they had read theletters from Sancho and her ladyship the duchess, they were still puzzledand could not make out what was meant by Sancho's government, and aboveall of an island, when all or most of those in the Mediterranean belongedto his Majesty. 

To this the page replied, "As to Senor Sancho Panza's being a governorthere is no doubt whatever; but whether it is an island or not that hegoverns, with that I have nothing to do; suffice it that it is a town ofmore than a thousand inhabitants; with regard to the acorns I may tellyou my lady the duchess is so unpretending and unassuming that, not tospeak of sending to beg for acorns from a peasant woman, she has beenknown to send to ask for the loan of a comb from one of her neighbours;for I would have your worships know that the ladies of Aragon, thoughthey are just as illustrious, are not so punctilious and haughty as theCastilian ladies; they treat people with greater familiarity. "

In the middle of this conversation Sanchica came in with her skirt fullof eggs, and said she to the page, "Tell me, senor, does my father weartrunk-hose since he has been governor?"

"I have not noticed, " said the page; "but no doubt he wears them. "

"Ah! my God!" said Sanchica, "what a sight it must be to see my father intights! Isn't it odd that ever since I was born I have had a longing tosee my father in trunk-hose?"

"As things go you will see that if you live, " said the page; "by God heis in the way to take the road with a sunshade if the government onlylasts him two months more. "

The curate and the bachelor could see plainly enough that the page spokein a waggish vein; but the fineness of the coral beads, and the huntingsuit that Sancho sent (for Teresa had already shown it to them) did awaywith the impression; and they could not help laughing at Sanchica's wish, and still more when Teresa said, "Senor curate, look about if there'sanybody here going to Madrid or Toledo, to buy me a hooped petticoat, aproper fashionable one of the best quality; for indeed and indeed I mustdo honour to my husband's government as well as I can; nay, if I am putto it and have to, I'll go to Court and set a coach like all the world;for she who has a governor for her husband may very well have one andkeep one. "

"And why not, mother!" said Sanchica; "would to God it were to-dayinstead of to-morrow, even though they were to say when they saw meseated in the coach with my mother, 'See that rubbish, thatgarlic-stuffed fellow's daughter, how she goes stretched at her ease in acoach as if she was a she-pope!' But let them tramp through the mud, andlet me go in my coach with my feet off the ground. Bad luck to backbitersall over the world; 'let me go warm and the people may laugh. ' Do I sayright, mother?"

"To be sure you do, my child, " said Teresa; "and all this good luck, andeven more, my good Sancho foretold me; and thou wilt see, my daughter, hewon't stop till he has made me a countess; for to make a beginning iseverything in luck; and as I have heard thy good father say many a time(for besides being thy father he's the father of proverbs too), 'Whenthey offer thee a heifer, run with a halter; when they offer thee agovernment, take it; when they would give thee a county, seize it; whenthey say, "Here, here!" to thee with something good, swallow it. ' Oh no!go to sleep, and don't answer the strokes of good fortune and the luckychances that are knocking at the door of your house!"

"And what do I care, " added Sanchica, "whether anybody says when he seesme holding my head up, 'The dog saw himself in hempen breeches, ' and therest of it?"

Hearing this the curate said, "I do believe that all this family of thePanzas are born with a sackful of proverbs in their insides, every one ofthem; I never saw one of them that does not pour them out at all timesand on all occasions. "

"That is true, " said the page, "for Senor Governor Sancho utters them atevery turn; and though a great many of them are not to the purpose, stillthey amuse one, and my lady the duchess and the duke praise them highly. "

"Then you still maintain that all this about Sancho's government is true, senor, " said the bachelor, "and that there actually is a duchess whosends him presents and writes to him? Because we, although we havehandled the present and read the letters, don't believe it and suspect itto be something in the line of our fellow-townsman Don Quixote, whofancies that everything is done by enchantment; and for this reason I amalmost ready to say that I'd like to touch and feel your worship to seewhether you are a mere ambassador of the imagination or a man of fleshand blood. "

"All I know, sirs, " replied the page, "is that I am a real ambassador, and that Senor Sancho Panza is governor as a matter of fact, and that mylord and lady the duke and duchess can give, and have given him this samegovernment, and that I have heard the said Sancho Panza bears himselfvery stoutly therein; whether there be any enchantment in all this ornot, it is for your worships to settle between you; for that's all I knowby the oath I swear, and that is by the life of my parents whom I havestill alive, and love dearly. "

"It may be so, " said the bachelor; "but dubitat Augustinus. "

"Doubt who will, " said the page; "what I have told you is the truth, andthat will always rise above falsehood as oil above water; if not operibuscredite, et non verbis. Let one of you come with me, and he will see withhis eyes what he does not believe with his ears. "

"It's for me to make that trip, " said Sanchica; "take me with you, senor, behind you on your horse; for I'll go with all my heart to see myfather. "

"Governors' daughters, " said the page, "must not travel along the roadsalone, but accompanied by coaches and litters and a great number ofattendants. "

"By God, " said Sanchica, "I can go just as well mounted on a she-ass asin a coach; what a dainty lass you must take me for!"

"Hush, girl, " said Teresa; "you don't know what you're talking about; thegentleman is quite right, for 'as the time so the behaviour;' when it wasSancho it was 'Sancha;' when it is governor it's 'senora;' I don't knowif I'm right. "

"Senora Teresa says more than she is aware of, " said the page; "and nowgive me something to eat and let me go at once, for I mean to return thisevening. "

"Come and do penance with me, " said the curate at this; "for SenoraTeresa has more will than means to serve so worthy a guest. "

The page refused, but had to consent at last for his own sake; and thecurate took him home with him very gladly, in order to have anopportunity of questioning him at leisure about Don Quixote and hisdoings. The bachelor offered to write the letters in reply for Teresa;but she did not care to let him mix himself up in her affairs, for shethought him somewhat given to joking; and so she gave a cake and a coupleof eggs to a young acolyte who was a penman, and he wrote for her twoletters, one for her husband and the other for the duchess, dictated outof her own head, which are not the worst inserted in this great history, as will be seen farther on. 

CHAPTER LI. 

OF THE PROGRESS OF SANCHO'S GOVERNMENT, AND OTHER SUCH ENTERTAININGMATTERS

Day came after the night of the governor's round; a night which thehead-carver passed without sleeping, so were his thoughts of the face andair and beauty of the disguised damsel, while the majordomo spent whatwas left of it in writing an account to his lord and lady of all Sanchosaid and did, being as much amazed at his sayings as at his doings, forthere was a mixture of shrewdness and simplicity in all his words anddeeds. The senor governor got up, and by Doctor Pedro Recio's directionsthey made him break his fast on a little conserve and four sups of coldwater, which Sancho would have readily exchanged for a piece of bread anda bunch of grapes; but seeing there was no help for it, he submitted withno little sorrow of heart and discomfort of stomach; Pedro Recio havingpersuaded him that light and delicate diet enlivened the wits, and thatwas what was most essential for persons placed in command and inresponsible situations, where they have to employ not only the bodilypowers but those of the mind also. 

By means of this sophistry Sancho was made to endure hunger, and hungerso keen that in his heart he cursed the government, and even him who hadgiven it to him; however, with his hunger and his conserve he undertookto deliver judgments that day, and the first thing that came before himwas a question that was submitted to him by a stranger, in the presenceof the majordomo and the other attendants, and it was in these words:"Senor, a large river separated two districts of one and the samelordship--will your worship please to pay attention, for the case is animportant and a rather knotty one? Well then, on this river there was abridge, and at one end of it a gallows, and a sort of tribunal, wherefour judges commonly sat to administer the law which the lord of river, bridge and the lordship had enacted, and which was to this effect, 'Ifanyone crosses by this bridge from one side to the other he shall declareon oath where he is going to and with what object; and if he swearstruly, he shall be allowed to pass, but if falsely, he shall be put todeath for it by hanging on the gallows erected there, without anyremission. ' Though the law and its severe penalty were known, manypersons crossed, but in their declarations it was easy to see at oncethey were telling the truth, and the judges let them pass free. Ithappened, however, that one man, when they came to take his declaration, swore and said that by the oath he took he was going to die upon thatgallows that stood there, and nothing else. The judges held aconsultation over the oath, and they said, 'If we let this man pass freehe has sworn falsely, and by the law he ought to die; but if we hang him, as he swore he was going to die on that gallows, and therefore swore thetruth, by the same law he ought to go free. ' It is asked of your worship, senor governor, what are the judges to do with this man? For they arestill in doubt and perplexity; and having heard of your worship's acuteand exalted intellect, they have sent me to entreat your worship on theirbehalf to give your opinion on this very intricate and puzzling case. "

To this Sancho made answer, "Indeed those gentlemen the judges that sendyou to me might have spared themselves the trouble, for I have more ofthe obtuse than the acute in me; but repeat the case over again, so thatI may understand it, and then perhaps I may be able to hit the point. "

The querist repeated again and again what he had said before, and thenSancho said, "It seems to me I can set the matter right in a moment, andin this way; the man swears that he is going to die upon the gallows; butif he dies upon it, he has sworn the truth, and by the law enacteddeserves to go free and pass over the bridge; but if they don't hang him, then he has sworn falsely, and by the same law deserves to be hanged. "

"It is as the senor governor says, " said the messenger; "and as regards acomplete comprehension of the case, there is nothing left to desire orhesitate about. "

"Well then I say, " said Sancho, "that of this man they should let passthe part that has sworn truly, and hang the part that has lied; and inthis way the conditions of the passage will be fully complied with. "

"But then, senor governor, " replied the querist, "the man will have to bedivided into two parts; and if he is divided of course he will die; andso none of the requirements of the law will be carried out, and it isabsolutely necessary to comply with it. "

"Look here, my good sir, " said Sancho; "either I'm a numskull or elsethere is the same reason for this passenger dying as for his living andpassing over the bridge; for if the truth saves him the falsehood equallycondemns him; and that being the case it is my opinion you should say tothe gentlemen who sent you to me that as the arguments for condemning himand for absolving him are exactly balanced, they should let him passfreely, as it is always more praiseworthy to do good than to do evil;this I would give signed with my name if I knew how to sign; and what Ihave said in this case is not out of my own head, but one of the manyprecepts my master Don Quixote gave me the night before I left to becomegovernor of this island, that came into my mind, and it was this, thatwhen there was any doubt about the justice of a case I should lean tomercy; and it is God's will that I should recollect it now, for it fitsthis case as if it was made for it. "

"That is true, " said the majordomo; "and I maintain that Lycurgushimself, who gave laws to the Lacedemonians, could not have pronounced abetter decision than the great Panza has given; let the morning'saudience close with this, and I will see that the senor governor hasdinner entirely to his liking. "

"That's all I ask for--fair play, " said Sancho; "give me my dinner, andthen let it rain cases and questions on me, and I'll despatch them in atwinkling. "

The majordomo kept his word, for he felt it against his conscience tokill so wise a governor by hunger; particularly as he intended to havedone with him that same night, playing off the last joke he wascommissioned to practise upon him. 

It came to pass, then, that after he had dined that day, in opposition tothe rules and aphorisms of Doctor Tirteafuera, as they were taking awaythe cloth there came a courier with a letter from Don Quixote for thegovernor. Sancho ordered the secretary to read it to himself, and ifthere was nothing in it that demanded secrecy to read it aloud. Thesecretary did so, and after he had skimmed the contents he said, "It maywell be read aloud, for what Senor Don Quixote writes to your worshipdeserves to be printed or written in letters of gold, and it is asfollows. "

DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA'S LETTER TO SANCHO PANZA, GOVERNOR OF THE ISLANDOF BARATARIA. 

When I was expecting to hear of thy stupidities and blunders, friendSancho, I have received intelligence of thy displays of good sense, forwhich I give special thanks to heaven that can raise the poor from thedunghill and of fools to make wise men. They tell me thou dost govern asif thou wert a man, and art a man as if thou wert a beast, so great isthe humility wherewith thou dost comport thyself. But I would have theebear in mind, Sancho, that very often it is fitting and necessary for theauthority of office to resist the humility of the heart; for the seemlyarray of one who is invested with grave duties should be such as theyrequire and not measured by what his own humble tastes may lead him toprefer. Dress well; a stick dressed up does not look like a stick; I donot say thou shouldst wear trinkets or fine raiment, or that being ajudge thou shouldst dress like a soldier, but that thou shouldst arraythyself in the apparel thy office requires, and that at the same time itbe neat and handsome. To win the good-will of the people thou governestthere are two things, among others, that thou must do; one is to be civilto all (this, however, I told thee before), and the other to take carethat food be abundant, for there is nothing that vexes the heart of thepoor more than hunger and high prices. Make not many proclamations; butthose thou makest take care that they be good ones, and above all thatthey be observed and carried out; for proclamations that are not observedare the same as if they did not exist; nay, they encourage the idea thatthe prince who had the wisdom and authority to make them had not thepower to enforce them; and laws that threaten and are not enforced cometo be like the log, the king of the frogs, that frightened them at first, but that in time they despised and mounted upon. Be a father to virtueand a stepfather to vice. Be not always strict, nor yet always lenient, but observe a mean between these two extremes, for in that is the aim ofwisdom. Visit the gaols, the slaughter-houses, and the market-places; forthe presence of the governor is of great importance in such places; itcomforts the prisoners who are in hopes of a speedy release, it is thebugbear of the butchers who have then to give just weight, and it is theterror of the market-women for the same reason. Let it not be seen thatthou art (even if perchance thou art, which I do not believe) covetous, afollower of women, or a glutton; for when the people and those that havedealings with thee become aware of thy special weakness they will bringtheir batteries to bear upon thee in that quarter, till they have broughtthee down to the depths of perdition. Consider and reconsider, con andcon over again the advices and the instructions I gave thee before thydeparture hence to thy government, and thou wilt see that in them, ifthou dost follow them, thou hast a help at hand that will lighten forthee the troubles and difficulties that beset governors at every step. Write to thy lord and lady and show thyself grateful to them, foringratitude is the daughter of pride, and one of the greatest sins weknow of; and he who is grateful to those who have been good to him showsthat he will be so to God also who has bestowed and still bestows so manyblessings upon him. 

My lady the duchess sent off a messenger with thy suit and anotherpresent to thy wife Teresa Panza; we expect the answer every moment. Ihave been a little indisposed through a certain scratching I came in for, not very much to the benefit of my nose; but it was nothing; for if thereare enchanters who maltreat me, there are also some who defend me. Let meknow if the majordomo who is with thee had any share in the Trifaldiperformance, as thou didst suspect; and keep me informed of everythingthat happens thee, as the distance is so short; all the more as I amthinking of giving over very shortly this idle life I am now leading, forI was not born for it. A thing has occurred to me which I am inclined tothink will put me out of favour with the duke and duchess; but though Iam sorry for it I do not care, for after all I must obey my callingrather than their pleasure, in accordance with the common saying, amicusPlato, sed magis amica veritas. I quote this Latin to thee because Iconclude that since thou hast been a governor thou wilt have learned it. Adieu; God keep thee from being an object of pity to anyone. 

Thy friend, DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA. 

Sancho listened to the letter with great attention, and it was praisedand considered wise by all who heard it; he then rose up from table, andcalling his secretary shut himself in with him in his own room, andwithout putting it off any longer set about answering his master DonQuixote at once; and he bade the secretary write down what he told himwithout adding or suppressing anything, which he did, and the answer wasto the following effect. 

SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO DON QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA. 

The pressure of business is so great upon me that I have no time toscratch my head or even to cut my nails; and I have them so long-God senda remedy for it. I say this, master of my soul, that you may not besurprised if I have not until now sent you word of how I fare, well orill, in this government, in which I am suffering more hunger than when wetwo were wandering through the woods and wastes. 

My lord the duke wrote to me the other day to warn me that certain spieshad got into this island to kill me; but up to the present I have notfound out any except a certain doctor who receives a salary in this townfor killing all the governors that come here; he is called Doctor PedroRecio, and is from Tirteafuera; so you see what a name he has to make medread dying under his hands. This doctor says of himself that he does notcure diseases when there are any, but prevents them coming, and themedicines he uses are diet and more diet until he brings one down to barebones; as if leanness was not worse than fever. 

In short he is killing me with hunger, and I am dying myself of vexation;for when I thought I was coming to this government to get my meat hot andmy drink cool, and take my ease between holland sheets on feather beds, Ifind I have come to do penance as if I was a hermit; and as I don't do itwillingly I suspect that in the end the devil will carry me off. 

So far I have not handled any dues or taken any bribes, and I don't knowwhat to think of it; for here they tell me that the governors that cometo this island, before entering it have plenty of money either given tothem or lent to them by the people of the town, and that this is theusual custom not only here but with all who enter upon governments. 

Last night going the rounds I came upon a fair damsel in man's clothes, and a brother of hers dressed as a woman; my head-carver has fallen inlove with the girl, and has in his own mind chosen her for a wife, so hesays, and I have chosen youth for a son-in-law; to-day we are going toexplain our intentions to the father of the pair, who is one Diego de laLlana, a gentleman and an old Christian as much as you please. 

I have visited the market-places, as your worship advises me, andyesterday I found a stall-keeper selling new hazel nuts and proved her tohave mixed a bushel of old empty rotten nuts with a bushel of new; Iconfiscated the whole for the children of the charity-school, who willknow how to distinguish them well enough, and I sentenced her not to comeinto the market-place for a fortnight; they told me I did bravely. I cantell your worship it is commonly said in this town that there are nopeople worse than the market-women, for they are all barefaced, unconscionable, and impudent, and I can well believe it from what I haveseen of them in other towns. 

I am very glad my lady the duchess has written to my wife Teresa Panzaand sent her the present your worship speaks of; and I will strive toshow myself grateful when the time comes; kiss her hands for me, and tellher I say she has not thrown it into a sack with a hole in it, as shewill see in the end. I should not like your worship to have anydifference with my lord and lady; for if you fall out with them it isplain it must do me harm; and as you give me advice to be grateful itwill not do for your worship not to be so yourself to those who haveshown you such kindness, and by whom you have been treated so hospitablyin their castle. 

That about the scratching I don't understand; but I suppose it must beone of the ill-turns the wicked enchanters are always doing your worship;when we meet I shall know all about it. I wish I could send your worshipsomething; but I don't know what to send, unless it be some very curiousclyster pipes, to work with bladders, that they make in this island; butif the office remains with me I'll find out something to send, one way oranother. If my wife Teresa Panza writes to me, pay the postage and sendme the letter, for I have a very great desire to hear how my house andwife and children are going on. And so, may God deliver your worship fromevil-minded enchanters, and bring me well and peacefully out of thisgovernment, which I doubt, for I expect to take leave of it and my lifetogether, from the way Doctor Pedro Recio treats me. 

Your worship's servant

SANCHO PANZA THE GOVERNOR. 

The secretary sealed the letter, and immediately dismissed the courier;and those who were carrying on the joke against Sancho putting theirheads together arranged how he was to be dismissed from the government. Sancho spent the afternoon in drawing up certain ordinances relating tothe good government of what he fancied the island; and he ordained thatthere were to be no provision hucksters in the State, and that men mightimport wine into it from any place they pleased, provided they declaredthe quarter it came from, so that a price might be put upon it accordingto its quality, reputation, and the estimation it was held in; and hethat watered his wine, or changed the name, was to forfeit his life forit. He reduced the prices of all manner of shoes, boots, and stockings, but of shoes in particular, as they seemed to him to run extravagantlyhigh. He established a fixed rate for servants' wages, which werebecoming recklessly exorbitant. He laid extremely heavy penalties uponthose who sang lewd or loose songs either by day or night. He decreedthat no blind man should sing of any miracle in verse, unless he couldproduce authentic evidence that it was true, for it was his opinion thatmost of those the blind men sing are trumped up, to the detriment of thetrue ones. He established and created an alguacil of the poor, not toharass them, but to examine them and see whether they really were so; formany a sturdy thief or drunkard goes about under cover of a make-believecrippled limb or a sham sore. In a word, he made so many good rules thatto this day they are preserved there, and are called The constitutions ofthe great governor Sancho Panza. 

CHAPTER LII. 

WHEREIN IS RELATED THE ADVENTURE OF THE SECOND DISTRESSED OR AFFLICTEDDUENNA, OTHERWISE CALLED DONA RODRIGUEZ

Cide Hamete relates that Don Quixote being now cured of his scratchesfelt that the life he was leading in the castle was entirely inconsistentwith the order of chivalry he professed, so he determined to ask the dukeand duchess to permit him to take his departure for Saragossa, as thetime of the festival was now drawing near, and he hoped to win there thesuit of armour which is the prize at festivals of the sort. But one dayat table with the duke and duchess, just as he was about to carry hisresolution into effect and ask for their permission, lo and beholdsuddenly there came in through the door of the great hall two women, asthey afterwards proved to be, draped in mourning from head to foot, oneof whom approaching Don Quixote flung herself at full length at his feet, pressing her lips to them, and uttering moans so sad, so deep, and sodoleful that she put all who heard and saw her into a state ofperplexity; and though the duke and duchess supposed it must be some joketheir servants were playing off upon Don Quixote, still the earnest waythe woman sighed and moaned and wept puzzled them and made them feeluncertain, until Don Quixote, touched with compassion, raised her up andmade her unveil herself and remove the mantle from her tearful face. Shecomplied and disclosed what no one could have ever anticipated, for shedisclosed the countenance of Dona Rodriguez, the duenna of the house; theother female in mourning being her daughter, who had been made a fool ofby the rich farmer's son. All who knew her were filled with astonishment, and the duke and duchess more than any; for though they thought her asimpleton and a weak creature, they did not think her capable of crazypranks. Dona Rodriguez, at length, turning to her master and mistresssaid to them, "Will your excellences be pleased to permit me to speak tothis gentleman for a moment, for it is requisite I should do so in orderto get successfully out of the business in which the boldness of anevil-minded clown has involved me?"

The duke said that for his part he gave her leave, and that she mightspeak with Senor Don Quixote as much as she liked. 

She then, turning to Don Quixote and addressing herself to him said, "Some days since, valiant knight, I gave you an account of the injusticeand treachery of a wicked farmer to my dearly beloved daughter, theunhappy damsel here before you, and you promised me to take her part andright the wrong that has been done her; but now it has come to my hearingthat you are about to depart from this castle in quest of such fairadventures as God may vouchsafe to you; therefore, before you take theroad, I would that you challenge this froward rustic, and compel him tomarry my daughter in fulfillment of the promise he gave her to become herhusband before he seduced her; for to expect that my lord the duke willdo me justice is to ask pears from the elm tree, for the reason I statedprivately to your worship; and so may our Lord grant you good health andforsake us not. "

To these words Don Quixote replied very gravely and solemnly, "Worthyduenna, check your tears, or rather dry them, and spare your sighs, for Itake it upon myself to obtain redress for your daughter, for whom itwould have been better not to have been so ready to believe lovers'promises, which are for the most part quickly made and very slowlyperformed; and so, with my lord the duke's leave, I will at once go inquest of this inhuman youth, and will find him out and challenge him andslay him, if so be he refuses to keep his promised word; for the chiefobject of my profession is to spare the humble and chastise the proud; Imean, to help the distressed and destroy the oppressors. "

"There is no necessity, " said the duke, "for your worship to take thetrouble of seeking out the rustic of whom this worthy duenna complains, nor is there any necessity, either, for asking my leave to challenge him;for I admit him duly challenged, and will take care that he is informedof the challenge, and accepts it, and comes to answer it in person tothis castle of mine, where I shall afford to both a fair field, observingall the conditions which are usually and properly observed in suchtrials, and observing too justice to both sides, as all princes who offera free field to combatants within the limits of their lordships are boundto do. "

"Then with that assurance and your highness's good leave, " said DonQuixote, "I hereby for this once waive my privilege of gentle blood, andcome down and put myself on a level with the lowly birth of thewrong-doer, making myself equal with him and enabling him to enter intocombat with me; and so, I challenge and defy him, though absent, on theplea of his malfeasance in breaking faith with this poor damsel, who wasa maiden and now by his misdeed is none; and say that he shall fulfillthe promise he gave her to become her lawful husband, or else stake hislife upon the question. "

And then plucking off a glove he threw it down in the middle of the hall, and the duke picked it up, saying, as he had said before, that heaccepted the challenge in the name of his vassal, and fixed six daysthence as the time, the courtyard of the castle as the place, and forarms the customary ones of knights, lance and shield and full armour, with all the other accessories, without trickery, guile, or charms of anysort, and examined and passed by the judges of the field. "But first ofall, " he said, "it is requisite that this worthy duenna and unworthydamsel should place their claim for justice in the hands of Don Quixote;for otherwise nothing can be done, nor can the said challenge be broughtto a lawful issue. "

"I do so place it, " replied the duenna. 

"And I too, " added her daughter, all in tears and covered with shame andconfusion. 

This declaration having been made, and the duke having settled in his ownmind what he would do in the matter, the ladies in black withdrew, andthe duchess gave orders that for the future they were not to be treatedas servants of hers, but as lady adventurers who came to her house todemand justice; so they gave them a room to themselves and waited on themas they would on strangers, to the consternation of the otherwomen-servants, who did not know where the folly and imprudence of DonaRodriguez and her unlucky daughter would stop. 

And now, to complete the enjoyment of the feast and bring the dinner to asatisfactory end, lo and behold the page who had carried the letters andpresents to Teresa Panza, the wife of the governor Sancho, entered thehall; and the duke and duchess were very well pleased to see him, beinganxious to know the result of his journey; but when they asked him thepage said in reply that he could not give it before so many people or ina few words, and begged their excellences to be pleased to let it waitfor a private opportunity, and in the meantime amuse themselves withthese letters; and taking out the letters he placed them in the duchess'shand. One bore by way of address, Letter for my lady the DuchessSo-and-so, of I don't know where; and the other To my husband SanchoPanza, governor of the island of Barataria, whom God prosper longer thanme. The duchess's bread would not bake, as the saying is, until she hadread her letter; and having looked over it herself and seen that it mightbe read aloud for the duke and all present to hear, she read out asfollows. 

TERESA PANZA'S LETTER TO THE DUCHESS. 

The letter your highness wrote me, my lady, gave me great pleasure, forindeed I found it very welcome. The string of coral beads is very fine, and my husband's hunting suit does not fall short of it. All this villageis very much pleased that your ladyship has made a governor of my goodman Sancho; though nobody will believe it, particularly the curate, andMaster Nicholas the barber, and the bachelor Samson Carrasco; but I don'tcare for that, for so long as it is true, as it is, they may all say whatthey like; though, to tell the truth, if the coral beads and the suit hadnot come I would not have believed it either; for in this villageeverybody thinks my husband a numskull, and except for governing a flockof goats, they cannot fancy what sort of government he can be fit for. God grant it, and direct him according as he sees his children stand inneed of it. I am resolved with your worship's leave, lady of my soul, tomake the most of this fair day, and go to Court to stretch myself at easein a coach, and make all those I have envying me already burst their eyesout; so I beg your excellence to order my husband to send me a smalltrifle of money, and to let it be something to speak of, because one'sexpenses are heavy at the Court; for a loaf costs a real, and meat thirtymaravedis a pound, which is beyond everything; and if he does not want meto go let him tell me in time, for my feet are on the fidgets to be off;and my friends and neighbours tell me that if my daughter and I make afigure and a brave show at Court, my husband will come to be known farmore by me than I by him, for of course plenty of people will ask, "Whoare those ladies in that coach?" and some servant of mine will answer, "The wife and daughter of Sancho Panza, governor of the island ofBarataria;" and in this way Sancho will become known, and I'll be thoughtwell of, and "to Rome for everything. " I am as vexed as vexed can be thatthey have gathered no acorns this year in our village; for all that Isend your highness about half a peck that I went to the wood to gatherand pick out one by one myself, and I could find no bigger ones; I wishthey were as big as ostrich eggs. 

Let not your high mightiness forget to write to me; and I will take careto answer, and let you know how I am, and whatever news there may be inthis place, where I remain, praying our Lord to have your highness in hiskeeping and not to forget me. 

Sancha my daughter, and my son, kiss your worship's hands. 

She who would rather see your ladyship than write to you, Your servant, TERESA PANZA. 

All were greatly amused by Teresa Panza's letter, but particularly theduke and duchess; and the duchess asked Don Quixote's opinion whetherthey might open the letter that had come for the governor, which shesuspected must be very good. Don Quixote said that to gratify them hewould open it, and did so, and found that it ran as follows. 

TERESA PANZA'S LETTER TO HER HUSBAND SANCHO PANZA. 

I got thy letter, Sancho of my soul, and I promise thee and swear as aCatholic Christian that I was within two fingers' breadth of going mad Iwas so happy. I can tell thee, brother, when I came to hear that thouwert a governor I thought I should have dropped dead with pure joy; andthou knowest they say sudden joy kills as well as great sorrow; and asfor Sanchica thy daughter, she leaked from sheer happiness. I had beforeme the suit thou didst send me, and the coral beads my lady the duchesssent me round my neck, and the letters in my hands, and there was thebearer of them standing by, and in spite of all this I verily believedand thought that what I saw and handled was all a dream; for who couldhave thought that a goatherd would come to be a governor of islands? Thouknowest, my friend, what my mother used to say, that one must live longto see much; I say it because I expect to see more if I live longer; forI don't expect to stop until I see thee a farmer of taxes or a collectorof revenue, which are offices where, though the devil carries off thosewho make a bad use of them, still they make and handle money. My lady theduchess will tell thee the desire I have to go to the Court; consider thematter and let me know thy pleasure; I will try to do honour to thee bygoing in a coach. 

Neither the curate, nor the barber, nor the bachelor, nor even thesacristan, can believe that thou art a governor, and they say the wholething is a delusion or an enchantment affair, like everything belongingto thy master Don Quixote; and Samson says he must go in search of theeand drive the government out of thy head and the madness out of DonQuixote's skull; I only laugh, and look at my string of beads, and planout the dress I am going to make for our daughter out of thy suit. I sentsome acorns to my lady the duchess; I wish they had been gold. Send mesome strings of pearls if they are in fashion in that island. Here is thenews of the village; La Berrueca has married her daughter to agood-for-nothing painter, who came here to paint anything that might turnup. The council gave him an order to paint his Majesty's arms over thedoor of the town-hall; he asked two ducats, which they paid him inadvance; he worked for eight days, and at the end of them had nothingpainted, and then said he had no turn for painting such trifling things;he returned the money, and for all that has married on the pretence ofbeing a good workman; to be sure he has now laid aside his paint-brushand taken a spade in hand, and goes to the field like a gentleman. PedroLobo's son has received the first orders and tonsure, with the intentionof becoming a priest. Minguilla, Mingo Silvato's granddaughter, found itout, and has gone to law with him on the score of having given herpromise of marriage. Evil tongues say she is with child by him, but hedenies it stoutly. There are no olives this year, and there is not a dropof vinegar to be had in the whole village. A company of soldiers passedthrough here; when they left they took away with them three of the girlsof the village; I will not tell thee who they are; perhaps they will comeback, and they will be sure to find those who will take them for wiveswith all their blemishes, good or bad. Sanchica is making bonelace; sheearns eight maravedis a day clear, which she puts into a moneybox as ahelp towards house furnishing; but now that she is a governor's daughterthou wilt give her a portion without her working for it. The fountain inthe plaza has run dry. A flash of lightning struck the gibbet, and I wishthey all lit there. I look for an answer to this, and to know thy mindabout my going to the Court; and so, God keep thee longer than me, or aslong, for I would not leave thee in this world without me. 

Thy wife, TERESA PANZA. 

The letters were applauded, laughed over, relished, and admired; andthen, as if to put the seal to the business, the courier arrived, bringing the one Sancho sent to Don Quixote, and this, too, was read out, and it raised some doubts as to the governor's simplicity. The duchesswithdrew to hear from the page about his adventures in Sancho's village, which he narrated at full length without leaving a single circumstanceunmentioned. He gave her the acorns, and also a cheese which Teresa hadgiven him as being particularly good and superior to those of Tronchon. The duchess received it with greatest delight, in which we will leaveher, to describe the end of the government of the great Sancho Panza, flower and mirror of all governors of islands. 

CHAPTER LIII. 

OF THE TROUBLOUS END AND TERMINATION SANCHO PANZA'S GOVERNMENT CAME TO

To fancy that in this life anything belonging to it will remain for everin the same state is an idle fancy; on the contrary, in it everythingseems to go in a circle, I mean round and round. The spring succeeds thesummer, the summer the fall, the fall the autumn, the autumn the winter, and the winter the spring, and so time rolls with never-ceasing wheel. Man's life alone, swifter than time, speeds onward to its end without anyhope of renewal, save it be in that other life which is endless andboundless. Thus saith Cide Hamete the Mahometan philosopher; for thereare many that by the light of nature alone, without the light of faith, have a comprehension of the fleeting nature and instability of thispresent life and the endless duration of that eternal life we hope for;but our author is here speaking of the rapidity with which Sancho'sgovernment came to an end, melted away, disappeared, vanished as it werein smoke and shadow. For as he lay in bed on the night of the seventh dayof his government, sated, not with bread and wine, but with deliveringjudgments and giving opinions and making laws and proclamations, just assleep, in spite of hunger, was beginning to close his eyelids, he heardsuch a noise of bell-ringing and shouting that one would have fancied thewhole island was going to the bottom. He sat up in bed and remainedlistening intently to try if he could make out what could be the cause ofso great an uproar; not only, however, was he unable to discover what itwas, but as countless drums and trumpets now helped to swell the din ofthe bells and shouts, he was more puzzled than ever, and filled with fearand terror; and getting up he put on a pair of slippers because of thedampness of the floor, and without throwing a dressing gown or anythingof the kind over him he rushed out of the door of his room, just in timeto see approaching along a corridor a band of more than twenty personswith lighted torches and naked swords in their hands, all shouting out, "To arms, to arms, senor governor, to arms! The enemy is in the island incountless numbers, and we are lost unless your skill and valour come toour support. "

Keeping up this noise, tumult, and uproar, they came to where Sanchostood dazed and bewildered by what he saw and heard, and as theyapproached one of them called out to him, "Arm at once, your lordship, ifyou would not have yourself destroyed and the whole island lost. "

"What have I to do with arming?" said Sancho. "What do I know about armsor supports? Better leave all that to my master Don Quixote, who willsettle it and make all safe in a trice; for I, sinner that I am, God helpme, don't understand these scuffles. "

"Ah, senor governor, " said another, "what slackness of mettle this is!Arm yourself; here are arms for you, offensive and defensive; come out tothe plaza and be our leader and captain; it falls upon you by right, foryou are our governor. "

"Arm me then, in God's name, " said Sancho, and they at once produced twolarge shields they had come provided with, and placed them upon him overhis shirt, without letting him put on anything else, one shield in frontand the other behind, and passing his arms through openings they hadmade, they bound him tight with ropes, so that there he was walled andboarded up as straight as a spindle and unable to bend his knees or stira single step. In his hand they placed a lance, on which he leant to keephimself from falling, and as soon as they had him thus fixed they badehim march forward and lead them on and give them all courage; for withhim for their guide and lamp and morning star, they were sure to bringtheir business to a successful issue. 

"How am I to march, unlucky being that I am?" said Sancho, "when I can'tstir my knee-caps, for these boards I have bound so tight to my bodywon't let me. What you must do is carry me in your arms, and lay meacross or set me upright in some postern, and I'll hold it either withthis lance or with my body. "

"On, senor governor!" cried another, "it is fear more than the boardsthat keeps you from moving; make haste, stir yourself, for there is notime to lose; the enemy is increasing in numbers, the shouts grow louder, and the danger is pressing. "

Urged by these exhortations and reproaches the poor governor made anattempt to advance, but fell to the ground with such a crash that hefancied he had broken himself all to pieces. There he lay like a tortoiseenclosed in its shell, or a side of bacon between two kneading-troughs, or a boat bottom up on the beach; nor did the gang of jokers feel anycompassion for him when they saw him down; so far from that, extinguishing their torches they began to shout afresh and to renew thecalls to arms with such energy, trampling on poor Sancho, and slashing athim over the shield with their swords in such a way that, if he had notgathered himself together and made himself small and drawn in his headbetween the shields, it would have fared badly with the poor governor, as, squeezed into that narrow compass, he lay, sweating and sweatingagain, and commending himself with all his heart to God to deliver himfrom his present peril. Some stumbled over him, others fell upon him, andone there was who took up a position on top of him for some time, andfrom thence as if from a watchtower issued orders to the troops, shoutingout, "Here, our side! Here the enemy is thickest! Hold the breach there!Shut that gate! Barricade those ladders! Here with your stink-pots ofpitch and resin, and kettles of boiling oil! Block the streets withfeather beds!" In short, in his ardour he mentioned every little thing, and every implement and engine of war by means of which an assault upon acity is warded off, while the bruised and battered Sancho, who heard andsuffered all, was saying to himself, "O if it would only please the Lordto let the island be lost at once, and I could see myself either dead orout of this torture!" Heaven heard his prayer, and when he least expectedit he heard voices exclaiming, "Victory, victory! The enemy retreatsbeaten! Come, senor governor, get up, and come and enjoy the victory, anddivide the spoils that have been won from the foe by the might of thatinvincible arm. "

"Lift me up, " said the wretched Sancho in a woebegone voice. They helpedhim to rise, and as soon as he was on his feet said, "The enemy I havebeaten you may nail to my forehead; I don't want to divide the spoils ofthe foe, I only beg and entreat some friend, if I have one, to give me asup of wine, for I'm parched with thirst, and wipe me dry, for I'mturning to water. "

They rubbed him down, fetched him wine and unbound the shields, and heseated himself upon his bed, and with fear, agitation, and fatigue hefainted away. Those who had been concerned in the joke were now sorrythey had pushed it so far; however, the anxiety his fainting away hadcaused them was relieved by his returning to himself. He asked whato'clock it was; they told him it was just daybreak. He said no more, andin silence began to dress himself, while all watched him, waiting to seewhat the haste with which he was putting on his clothes meant. 

He got himself dressed at last, and then, slowly, for he was sorelybruised and could not go fast, he proceeded to the stable, followed byall who were present, and going up to Dapple embraced him and gave him aloving kiss on the forehead, and said to him, not without tears in hiseyes, "Come along, comrade and friend and partner of my toils andsorrows; when I was with you and had no cares to trouble me exceptmending your harness and feeding your little carcass, happy were myhours, my days, and my years; but since I left you, and mounted thetowers of ambition and pride, a thousand miseries, a thousand troubles, and four thousand anxieties have entered into my soul;" and all the whilehe was speaking in this strain he was fixing the pack-saddle on the ass, without a word from anyone. Then having Dapple saddled, he, with greatpain and difficulty, got up on him, and addressing himself to themajordomo, the secretary, the head-carver, and Pedro Recio the doctor andseveral others who stood by, he said, "Make way, gentlemen, and let me goback to my old freedom; let me go look for my past life, and raise myselfup from this present death. I was not born to be a governor or protectislands or cities from the enemies that choose to attack them. Ploughingand digging, vinedressing and pruning, are more in my way than defendingprovinces or kingdoms. 'Saint Peter is very well at Rome; I mean each ofus is best following the trade he was born to. A reaping-hook fits myhand better than a governor's sceptre; I'd rather have my fill ofgazpacho' than be subject to the misery of a meddling doctor who me withhunger, and I'd rather lie in summer under the shade of an oak, and inwinter wrap myself in a double sheepskin jacket in freedom, than go tobed between holland sheets and dress in sables under the restraint of agovernment. God be with your worships, and tell my lord the duke that'naked I was born, naked I find myself, I neither lose nor gain;' I meanthat without a farthing I came into this government, and without afarthing I go out of it, very different from the way governors commonlyleave other islands. Stand aside and let me go; I have to plaster myself, for I believe every one of my ribs is crushed, thanks to the enemies thathave been trampling over me to-night. "

"That is unnecessary, senor governor, " said Doctor Recio, "for I willgive your worship a draught against falls and bruises that will soon makeyou as sound and strong as ever; and as for your diet I promise yourworship to behave better, and let you eat plentifully of whatever youlike. "

"You spoke late, " said Sancho. "I'd as soon turn Turk as stay any longer. Those jokes won't pass a second time. By God I'd as soon remain in thisgovernment, or take another, even if it was offered me between twoplates, as fly to heaven without wings. I am of the breed of the Panzas, and they are every one of them obstinate, and if they once say 'odds, 'odds it must be, no matter if it is evens, in spite of all the world. Here in this stable I leave the ant's wings that lifted me up into theair for the swifts and other birds to eat me, and let's take to levelground and our feet once more; and if they're not shod in pinked shoes ofcordovan, they won't want for rough sandals of hemp; 'every ewe to herlike, ' 'and let no one stretch his leg beyond the length of the sheet;'and now let me pass, for it's growing late with me. "

To this the majordomo said, "Senor governor, we would let your worship gowith all our hearts, though it sorely grieves us to lose you, for yourwit and Christian conduct naturally make us regret you; but it is wellknown that every governor, before he leaves the place where he has beengoverning, is bound first of all to render an account. Let your worshipdo so for the ten days you have held the government, and then you may goand the peace of God go with you. "

"No one can demand it of me, " said Sancho, "but he whom my lord the dukeshall appoint; I am going to meet him, and to him I will render an exactone; besides, when I go forth naked as I do, there is no other proofneeded to show that I have governed like an angel. "

"By God the great Sancho is right, " said Doctor Recio, "and we should lethim go, for the duke will be beyond measure glad to see him. "

They all agreed to this, and allowed him to go, first offering to bearhim company and furnish him with all he wanted for his own comfort or forthe journey. Sancho said he did not want anything more than a littlebarley for Dapple, and half a cheese and half a loaf for himself; for thedistance being so short there was no occasion for any better or bulkierprovant. They all embraced him, and he with tears embraced all of them, and left them filled with admiration not only at his remarks but at hisfirm and sensible resolution.