THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU(In 12 books)

Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society

London, 1903

BOOK XI. 

Although Eloisa, which for a long time had been in the press, did notyet, at the end of the year, 1760, appear, the work already began to makea great noise. Madam de Luxembourg had spoken of it at court, and Madamde Houdetot at Paris. The latter had obtained from me permission forSaint Lambert to read the manuscript to the King of Poland, who had beendelighted with it. Duclos, to whom I had also given the perusal of thework, had spoken of it at the academy. All Paris was impatient to seethe novel; the booksellers of the Rue Saint Jacques, and that of thePalais Royal, were beset with people who came to inquire when it was tobe published. It was at length brought out, and the success it had, answered, contrary to custom, to the impatience with which it had beenexpected. The dauphiness, who was one of the first who read it, spoke ofit to, M. De Luxembourg as a ravishing performance. The opinions of menof letters differed from each other, but in those of any other classapprobation was general, especially with the women, who became sointoxicated with the book and the author, that there was not one in highlife with whom I might not have succeeded had I undertaken to do it. Of this I have such proofs as I will not commit to paper, and whichwithout the aid of experience, authorized my opinion. It is singularthat the book should have succeeded better in France than in the rest ofEurope, although the French, both men and women, are severely treated init. Contrary to my expectation it was least successful in Switzerland, and most so in Paris. Do friendship, love and virtue reign in thiscapital more than elsewhere? Certainly not; but there reigns in it anexquisite sensibility which transports the heart to their image, andmakes us cherish in others the pure, tender and virtuous sentiments we nolonger possess. Corruption is everywhere the same; virtue and moralityno longer exist in Europe; but if the least love of them still remains, it is in Paris that this will be found. --[I wrote this in 1769. ]

In the midst of so many prejudices and feigned passions, the realsentiments of nature are not to be distinguished from others, unless wewell know to analyze the human heart. A very nice discrimination, not tobe acquired except by the education of the world, is necessary to feelthe finesses of the heart, if I dare use the expression, with which thiswork abounds. I do not hesitate to place the fourth part of it upon anequality with the Princess of Cleves; nor to assert that had these twoworks been read nowhere but in the provinces, their merit would neverhave been discovered. It must not, therefore, be considered as a matterof astonishment, that the greatest success of my work was at court. Itabounds with lively but veiled touches of the pencil, which could not butgive pleasure there, because the persons who frequent it are moreaccustomed than others to discover them. A distinction must, however, bemade. The work is by no means proper for the species of men of wit whohave nothing but cunning, who possess no other kind of discernment thanthat which penetrates evil, and see nothing where good only is to befound. If, for instance, Eloisa had been published in a certain country, I am convinced it would not have been read through by a single person, and the work would have been stifled in its birth. 

I have collected most of the letters written to me on the subject of thispublication, and deposited them, tied up together, in the hands of Madamde Nadillac. Should this collection ever be given to the world, verysingular things will be seen, and an opposition of opinion, which showswhat it is to have to do with the public. The thing least kept in view, and which will ever distinguish it from every other work, is thesimplicity of the subject and the continuation of the interest, which, confined to three persons, is kept up throughout six volumes, withoutepisode, romantic adventure, or anything malicious either in the personsor actions. Diderot complimented Richardson on the prodigious variety ofhis portraits and the multiplicity of his persons. In fact, Richardsonhas the merit of having well characterized them all; but with respect totheir number, he has that in common with the most insipid writers ofnovels who attempt to make up for the sterility of their ideas bymultiplying persons and adventures. It is easy to awaken the attentionby incessantly presenting unheard of adventures and new faces, which passbefore the imagination as the figures in a magic lanthorn do before theeye; but to keep up that attention to the same objects, and without theaid of the wonderful, is certainly more difficult; and if, everythingelse being equal, the simplicity of the subject adds to the beauty of thework, the novels of Richardson, superior in so many other respects, cannot in this be compared to mine. I know it is already forgotten, and the cause of its being so; but it will be taken up again. All myfear was that, by an extreme simplicity, the narrative would befatiguing, and that it was not sufficiently interesting to engage theattention throughout the whole. I was relieved from this apprehension bya circumstance which alone was more flattering to my pride than all thecompliments made me upon the work. 

It appeared at the beginning of the carnival; a hawker carried it to thePrincess of Talmont--[It was not the princess, but some other lady, whose name I do not know. ]--on the evening of a ball night at the opera. After supper the Princess dressed herself for the ball, and until thehour of going there, took up the new novel. At midnight she ordered thehorses to be put into the carriage, and continued to read. The servantreturned to tell her the horses were put to; she made no answer. Herpeople perceiving she forgot herself, came to tell her it was twoo'clock. "There is yet no hurry, " replied the princess, still readingon. Some time afterwards, her watch having stopped, she rang to know thehour. She was told it was four o'clock. "That being the case, " shesaid, "it is too late to go to the ball; let the horses be taken off. "She undressed herself and passed the rest of the night in reading. 

Ever since I came to the knowledge of this circumstance, I have had aconstant desire to see the lady, not only to know from herself whether ornot what I have related be exactly true, but because I have alwaysthought it impossible to be interested in so lively a manner in thehappiness of Julia, without having that sixth and moral sense with whichso few hearts are endowed, and without which no person whatever canunderstand the sentiments of mine. 

What rendered the women so favorable to me was, their being persuadedthat I had written my own history, and was myself the hero of theromance. This opinion was so firmly established, that Madam de Polignacwrote to Madam de Verdelin, begging she would prevail upon me to show herthe portrait of Julia. Everybody thought it was impossible so stronglyto express sentiments without having felt them, or thus to describe thetransports of love, unless immediately from the feelings of the heart. This was true, and I certainly wrote the novel during the time myimagination was inflamed to ecstasy; but they who thought real objectsnecessary to this effect were deceived, and far from conceiving to whata degree I can at will produce it for imaginary beings. Without Madamd'Houdetot, and the recollection of a few circumstances in my youth, the amours I have felt and described would have been with fairy nymphs. I was unwilling either to confirm or destroy an error which wasadvantageous to me. The reader may see in the preface a dialogue, whichI had printed separately, in what manner I left the public in suspense. Rigorous people say, I ought to have explicity declared the truth. Formy part I see no reason for this, nor anything that could oblige me toit, and am of opinion there would have been more folly than candor in thedeclaration without necessity. 

Much about the same time the 'Paix Perpetuelle' made its appearance, of this I had the year before given the manuscript to a certain M. DeBastide, the author of a journal called Le Monde, into which he would atall events cram all my manuscripts. He was known to M. Duclos, and camein his name to beg I would help him to fill the Monde. He had heardspeak of Eloisa, and would have me put this into his journal; he was alsodesirous of making the same use of Emilius; he would have asked me forthe Social Contract for the same purpose, had he suspected it to bewritten. At length, fatigued with his importunities, I resolved uponletting him have the Paix Perpetuelle, which I gave him for twelve louis. Our agreement was, that he should print it in his journal; but as soon ashe became the proprietor of the manuscript, he thought proper to print itseparately, with a few retrenchments, which the censor required him tomake. What would have happened had I joined to the work my opinion ofit, which fortunately I did not communicate to M. De Bastide, nor was itcomprehended in our agreement? This remains still in manuscript amongstmy papers. If ever it be made public, the world will see how much thepleasantries and self-sufficient manner of M. De Voltaire on the subjectmust have made me, who was so well acquainted with the short-sightednessof this poor man in political matters, of which he took it into his headto speak, shake my sides with laughter. 

In the midst of my success with the women and the public, I felt I lostground at the Hotel de Luxembourg, not with the marechal, whose goodnessto me seemed daily to increase, but with his lady. Since I had hadnothing more to read to her, the door of her apartment was not sofrequently open to me, and during her stay at Montmorency, although Iregularly presented myself, I seldom saw her except at table. My placeeven there was not distinctly marked out as usual. As she no longeroffered me that by her side, and spoke to me but seldom, not having on mypart much to say to her, I was well satisfied with another, where I wasmore at my ease, especially in the evening; for I mechanically contractedthe habit of placing myself nearer and nearer to the marechal. 

Apropos of the evening: I recollect having said I did not sup at thecastle, and this was true, at the beginning of my acquaintance there; butas M. De Luxembourg did not dine, nor even sit down to table, it happenedthat I was for several months, and already very familiar in the family, without ever having eaten with him. This he had the goodness to remark, upon which I determined to sup there from time to time, when the companywas not numerous; I did so, and found the suppers very agreeable, as thedinners were taken almost standing; whereas the former were long, everybody remaining seated with pleasure after a long walk; and very goodand agreeable, because M. De Luxembourg loved good eating, and the honorsof them were done in a charming manner by madam de marechale. Withoutthis explanation it would be difficult to understand the end of a letterfrom M. De Luxembourg, in which he says he recollects our walks with thegreatest pleasure; especially, adds he, when in the evening we enteredthe court and did not find there the traces of carriages. The rake beingevery morning drawn over the gravel to efface the marks left by the coachwheels, I judged by the number of ruts of that of the persons who hadarrived in the afternoon. 

This year, 1761, completed the heavy losses this good man had sufferedsince I had had the honor of being known to him. As if it had beenordained that the evils prepared for me by destiny should begin by theman to whom I was most attached, and who was the most worthy of esteem. The first year he lost his sister, the Duchess of Villeroy; the second, his daughter, the Princess of Robeck; the third, he lost in the Duke ofMontmorency his only son; and in the Comte de Luxembourg, his grandson, the last two supporters of the branch of which he was, and of his name. He supported all these losses with apparent courage, but his heartincessantly bled in secret during the rest of his life, and his healthwas ever after upon the decline. The unexpected and tragical death ofhis son must have afflicted him the more, as it happened immediatelyafter the king had granted him for his child, and given him the promisefor his grandson, the reversion of the commission he himself then held ofthe captain of the Gardes de Corps. He had the mortification to see thelast, a most promising young man, perish by degrees from the blindconfidence of the mother in the physician, who giving the unhappy youthmedicines for food, suffered him to die of inanition. Alas! had myadvice been taken, the grandfather and the grandson would both still havebeen alive. What did not I say and write to the marechal, whatremonstrances did I make to Madam de Montmorency, upon the more thansevere regimen, which, upon the faith of physicians, she made her sonobserve! Madam de Luxembourg, who thought as I did, would not usurp theauthority of the mother; M. De Luxembourg, a man of mild and easycharacter, did not like to contradict her. Madam de Montmorency had inBorden a confidence to which her son at length became a victim. Howdelighted was the poor creature when he could obtain permission to cometo Mont Louis with Madam de Boufflers, to ask Theresa for some victualsfor his famished stomach! How did I secretly deplore the miseries ofgreatness in seeing this only heir to a immense fortune, a great name, and so many dignified titles, devour with the greediness of a beggar awretched morsel of bread! At length, notwithstanding all I could say anddo, the physician triumphed, and the child died of hunger. 

The same confidence in quacks, which destroyed the grandson, hastened thedissolution of the grandfather, and to this he added the pusillanimity ofwishing to dissimulate the infirmities of age. M. De Luxembourg had atintervals a pain in the great toe; he was seized with it at Montmorency, which deprived him of sleep, and brought on slight fever. I had courageenough to pronounce the word gout. Madam de Luxembourg gave me areprimand. The surgeon, valet de chambre of the marechal, maintained itwas not the gout, and dressed the suffering part with beaume tranquille. Unfortunately the pain subsided, and when it returned the same remedy washad recourse to. The constitution of the marechal was weakened, and hisdisorder increased, as did his remedies in the same proportion. Madam deLuxembourg, who at length perceived the primary disorder to be the gout, objected to the dangerous manner of treating it. Things were afterwardsconcealed from her, and M. De Luxembourg in a few years lost his life inconsequence of his obstinate adherence to what he imagined to be a methodof cure. But let me not anticipate misfortune: how many others have I torelate before I come to this!

It is singular with what fatality everything I could say and do seemed ofa nature to displease Madam de Luxembourg, even when I had it most atheart to preserve her friendship. The repeated afflictions which fellupon M. De Luxembourg still attached me to him the more, and consequentlyto Madam de Luxembourg; for they always seemed to me to be so sincerelyunited, that the sentiments in favor of the one necessarily extended tothe other. The marechal grew old. His assiduity at court, the caresthis brought on, continually hunting, fatigue, and especially that of theservice during the quarter he was in waiting, required the vigor of ayoung man, and I did not perceive anything that could support his in thatcourse of life; since, besides after his death, his dignities were to bedispersed and his name extinct, it was by no means necessary for him tocontinue a laborious life of which the principal object had been todispose the prince favorably to his children. One day when we three weretogether, and he complained of the fatigues of the court, as a man whohad been discouraged by his losses, I took the liberty to speak ofretirement, and to give him the advice Cyneas gave to Pyrrhus. Hesighed, and returned no positive answer. But the moment Madam deLuxembourg found me alone she reprimanded me severely for what I hadsaid, at which she seemed to be alarmed. She made a remark of which I sostrongly felt the justness that I determined never again to touch uponthe subject: this was, that the long habit of living at court made thatlife necessary, that it was become a matter of amusement for M. DeLuxembourg, and that the retirement I proposed to him would be less arelaxation from care than an exile, in which inactivity, weariness andmelancholy would soon put an end to his existence. Although she musthave perceived I was convinced, and ought to have relied upon the promiseI made her, and which I faithfully kept, she still seemed to doubt of it;and I recollect that the conversations I afterwards had with the marechalwere less frequent and almost always interrupted. 

Whilst my stupidity and awkwardness injured me in her opinion, personswhom she frequently saw and most loved, were far from being disposed toaid me in gaining what I had lost. The Abbe de Boufflers especially, ayoung man as lofty as it was possible for a man to be, never seemed welldisposed towards me; and besides his being the only person of the societyof Madam de Luxembourg who never showed me the least attention, I thoughtI perceived I lost something with her every time he came to the castle. It is true that without his wishing this to be the case, his presencealone was sufficient to produce the effect; so much did his graceful andelegant manner render still more dull my stupid propositi. During thefirst two years he seldom came to Montmorency, and by the indulgence ofMadam de Luxembourg I had tolerably supported myself, but as soon as hisvisits began to be regular I was irretrievably lost. I wished to takerefuge under his wing, and gain his friendship; but the same awkwardnesswhich made it necessary I should please him prevented me from succeedingin the attempt I made to do it, and what I did with that intentionentirely lost me with Madam de Luxembourg, without being of the leastservice to me with the abbe. With his understanding he might havesucceeded in anything, but the impossibility of applying himself, and histurn for dissipation, prevented his acquiring a perfect knowledge of anysubject. His talents are however various, and this is sufficient for thecircles in which he wishes to distinguish himself. He writes lightpoetry and fashionable letters, strums on the cithern, and pretends todraw with crayon. He took it into his head to attempt the portrait ofMadam de Luxembourg; the sketch he produced was horrid. She said it didnot in the least resemble her and this was true. The traitorous abbeconsulted me, and I like a fool and a liar, said there was a likeness. I wished to flatter the abbe, but I did not please the lady who noteddown what I had said, and the abbe, having obtained what he wanted, laughed at me in his turn. I perceived by the ill success of this mylate beginning the necessity of making another attempt to flatter 'invitaMinerva'. 

My talent was that of telling men useful but severe truths with energyand courage; to this it was necessary to confine myself. Not only I wasnot born to flatter, but I knew not how to commend. The awkwardness ofthe manner in which I have sometimes bestowed eulogium has done me moreharm than the severity of my censure. Of this I have to adduce oneterrible instance, the consequences of which have not only fixed my fatefor the rest of my life, but will perhaps decide on my reputationthroughout all posterity. 

During the residence of M. De Luxembourg at Montmorency, M. De Choiseulsometimes came to supper at the castle. He arrived there one day after Ihad left it. My name was mentioned, and M. De Luxembourg related to himwhat had happened at Venice between me and M. De Montaigu. M. DeChoiseul said it was a pity I had quitted that track, and that if I choseto enter it again he would most willingly give me employment. M. DeLuxembourg told me what had passed. Of this I was the more sensible as Iwas not accustomed to be spoiled by ministers, and had I been in a betterstate of health it is not certain that I should not have been guilty of anew folly. Ambition never had power over my mind except during the shortintervals in which every other passion left me at liberty; but one ofthese intervals would have been sufficient to determine me. This goodintention of M. De Choiseul gained him my attachment and increased theesteem which, in consequence of some operations in his administration, I had conceived for his talents; and the family compact in particular hadappeared to me to evince a statesman of the first order. He moreovergained ground in my estimation by the little respect I entertained forhis predecessors, not even excepting Madam de Pompadour, whom Iconsidered as a species of prime minister, and when it was reported thatone of these two would expel the other, I thought I offered up prayersfor the honor of France when I wished that M. De Choiseul might triumph. I had always felt an antipathy to Madam de Pompadour, even before herpreferment; I had seen her with Madam de la Popliniere when her name wasstill Madam d'Etioles. I was afterwards dissatisfied with her silence onthe subject of Diderot, and with her proceedings relative to myself, aswell on the subject of the 'Muses Galantes', as on that of the 'Devin duVillage', which had not in any manner produced me advantages proportionedto its success; and on all occasions I had found her but little disposedto serve me. This however did not prevent the Chevalier de Lorenzy fromproposing to me to write something in praise of that lady, insinuatingthat I might acquire some advantage by it. The proposition excited myindignation, the more as I perceived it did not come from himself, knowing that, passive as he was, he thought and acted according to theimpulsion he received. I am so little accustomed to constraint that itwas impossible for me to conceal from him my disdain, nor from anybodythe moderate opinion I had of the favorite; this I am sure she knew, andthus my own interest was added to my natural inclination in the wishes Iformed for M. De Choiseul. Having a great esteem for his talents, whichwas all I knew of him, full of gratitude for his kind intentions, andmoreover unacquainted in my retirement with his taste and manner ofliving, I already considered him as the avenger of the public and myself;and being at that time writing the conclusion of my Social Contract, I stated in it, in a single passage, what I thought of precedingministers, and of him by whom they began to be eclipsed. On thisoccasion I acted contrary to my most constant maxim; and besides, I didnot recollect that, in bestowing praise and strongly censuring in thesame article, without naming the persons, the language must be soappropriated to those to whom it is applicable, that the most ticklishpride cannot find in it the least thing equivocal. I was in this respectin such an imprudent security, that I never once thought it was possibleany one should make a false application. It will soon appear whether ornot I was right. 

One of my misfortunes was always to be connected with some female author. This I thought I might avoid amongst the great. I was deceived; it stillpursued me. Madam de Luxembourg was not, however; at least that I knowof, attacked with the mania of writing; but Madam de Boufflers was. Shewrote a tragedy in prose, which, in the first place, was read, handedabout, and highly spoken of in the society of the Prince Conti, and uponwhich, not satisfied with the encomiums she received, she wouldabsolutely consult me for the purpose of having mine. This she obtained, but with that moderation which the work deserved. She besides had withit the information I thought it my duty to give her, that her piece, entitled 'L'Esclave Genereux', greatly resembled the English tragedy of'Oroonoko', but little known in France, although translated into theFrench language. Madam de Bouffiers thanked me for the remark, but, however, assured me there was not the least resemblance between her pieceand the other. I never spoke of the plagiarisms except to herself, and Idid it to discharge a duty she had imposed on me; but this has not sinceprevented me from frequently recollecting the consequences of thesincerity of Gil Blas to the preaching archbishop. 

Besides the Abbe de Bouffiers, by whom I was not beloved, and Madam deBouffiers, in whose opinion I was guilty of that which neither women norauthors ever pardon, the other friends of Madam de Luxembourg neverseemed much disposed to become mine, particularly the President Henault, who, enrolled amongst authors, was not exempt from their weaknesses; alsoMadam du Deffand, and Mademoiselle de Lespinasse, both intimate withVoltaire and the friends of D'Alembert, with whom the latter at lengthlived, however upon an honorable footing, for it cannot be understood Imean otherwise. I first began to interest myself for Madam du Deffand, whom the loss of her eyes made an object of commiseration in mine; buther manner of living so contrary to my own, that her hour of going to bedwas almost mine for rising; her unbounded passion for low wit, theimportance she gave to every kind of printed trash, either complimentaryor abusive, the despotism and transports of her oracles, her excessiveadmiration or dislike of everything, which did not permit her to speakupon any subject without convulsions, her inconceivable prejudices, invincible obstinacy, and the enthusiasm of folly to which this carriedher in her passionate judgments; all disgusted me and diminished theattention I wished to pay her. I neglected her and she perceived it;this was enough to set her in a rage, and, although I was sufficientlyaware how much a woman of her character was to be feared, I preferredexposing myself to the scourge of her hatred rather than to that of herfriendship. 

My having so few friends in the society of Madam de Luxembourg would nothave been in the least dangerous had I had no enemies in the family. Of these I had but one, who, in my then situation, was as powerful as ahundred. It certainly was not M. De Villeroy, her brother; for he notonly came to see me, but had several times invited me to Villeroy;and as I had answered to the invitation with all possible politenessand respect, he had taken my vague manner of doing it as a consent, and arranged with Madam de Luxembourg a journey of a fortnight, in whichit was proposed to me to make one of the party. As the cares my healththen required did not permit me to go from home without risk, I prayedMadam de Luxembourg to have the goodness to make my apologies. Heranswer proves this was done with all possible ease, and M. De Villeroystill continued to show me his usual marks of goodness. His nephew andheir, the young Marquis of Villeroy, had not for me the same benevolence, nor had I for him the respect I had for his uncle. His harebrainedmanner rendered him insupportable to me, and my coldness drew upon me hisaversion. He insultingly attacked me one evening at table, and I had theworst of it because I am a fool, without presence of mind; and becauseanger, instead of rendering my wit more poignant, deprives me of thelittle I have. I had a dog which had been given me when he was quiteyoung, soon after my arrival at the Hermitage, and which I had calledDuke. This dog, not handsome, but rare of his kind, of which I had mademy companion and friend, a title which he certainly merited much morethan most of the persons by whom it was taken, became in great request atthe castle of Montmorency for his good nature and fondness, and theattachment we had for each other; but from a foolish pusillanimity I hadchanged his name to Turk, as if there were not many dogs called Marquis, without giving the least offence to any marquis whatsoever. The Marquisof Villeroy, who knew of the change of name, attacked me in such a mannerthat I was obliged openly at table to relate what I had done. Whateverthere might be offensive in the name of duke, it was not in my havinggiven but in my having taken it away. The worst of it all was, therewere many dukes present, amongst others M. De Luxembourg and his son; andthe Marquis de Villeroy, who was one day to have, and now has the title, enjoyed in the most cruel manner the embarrassment into which he hadthrown me. I was told the next day his aunt had severely reprimandedhim, and it may be judged whether or not, supposing her to have beenserious, this put me upon better terms with him. 

To enable me to support his enmity I had no person, neither at the Hotelde Luxembourg nor at the Temple, except the Chevalier de Lorenzy, whoprofessed himself my friend; but he was more that of D'Alembert, underwhose protection he passed with women for a great geometrician. He wasmore, over the cicisbe, or rather the complaisant chevalier of theCountess of Boufflers, a great friend also to D'Alembert, and theChevalier de Lorenzy was the most passive instrument in her hands. Thus, far from having in that circle any counter-balance to myinaptitude, to keep me in the good graces of Madam de Luxembourg, everybody who approached her seemed to concur in injuring me in her goodopinion. Yet, besides Emilius, with which she charged herself, she gaveme at the same time another mark of her benevolence, which made meimagine that, although wearied with my conversation, she would stillpreserve for me the friendship she had so many times promised me forlife. 

As soon as I thought I could depend upon this, I began to ease my heart, by confessing to her all my faults, having made it an inviolable maxim toshow myself to my friends such as I really was, neither better nor worse. I had declared to her my connection with Theresa, and everything that hadresulted from it, without concealing the manner in which I had disposedof my children. She had received my confessions favorably, and even toomuch so, since she spared me the censures I so much merited; and whatmade the greatest impression upon me was her goodness to Theresa, makingher presents, sending for her, and begging her to come and see her, receiving her with caresses, and often embracing her in public. Thispoor girl was in transports of joy and gratitude, of which I certainlypartook; the friendship Madam de Luxembourg showed me in hercondescensions to Theresa affected me much more than if they had beenmade immediately to myself. 

Things remained in this state for a considerable time; but at lengthMadam de Luxembourg carried her goodness so far as to have a desire totake one of my children from the hospital. She knew I had put a cipherinto the swaddling clothes of the eldest; she asked me for thecounterpart of the cipher, and I gave it to her. In this research sheemployed La Roche, her valet de chambre and confidential servant, whomade vain inquiries, although after only about twelve or fourteen years, had the registers of the foundling hospital been in order, or the searchproperly made, the original cipher ought to have been found. Howeverthis may be, I was less sorry for his want of success than I should havebeen had I from time to time continued to see the child from its birthuntil that moment. If by the aid of the indications given, another childhad been presented as my own, the doubt of its being so in fact, and thefear of having one thus substituted for it, would have contracted myaffections, and I should not have tasted of the charm of the realsentiment of nature. This during infancy stands in need of beingsupported by habit. The long absence of a child whom the father has seenbut for an instant, weakens, and at length annihilates paternalsentiment, and parents will never love a child sent to nurse, like thatwhich is brought up under their eyes. This reflection may extenuate myfaults in their effects, but it must aggravate them in their source. 

It may not perhaps be useless to remark that by the means of Theresa, thesame La Roche became acquainted with Madam le Vasseur, whom Grimm stillkept at Deuil, near La Chevrette, and not far from Montmorency. 

After my departure it was by means of La Roche that I continued to sendthis woman the money I had constantly sent her at stated times, and I amof opinion he often carried her presents from Madam de Luxembourg;therefore she certainly was not to be pitied, although she constantlycomplained. With respect to Grimm, as I am not fond of speaking ofpersons whom I ought to hate, I never mentioned his name to Madam deLuxembourg, except when I could not avoid it; but she frequently made himthe subject of conversation, without telling me what she thought of theman, or letting me discover whether or not he was of her acquaintance. Reserve with people I love and who are open with me being contrary to mynature, especially in things relating to themselves, I have since thattime frequently thought of that of Madam de Luxembourg; but never, exceptwhen other events rendered the recollection natural. 

Having waited a long time without hearing speak of Emilius, after I hadgiven it to Madam de Luxembourg, I at last heard the agreement was madeat Paris, with the bookseller Duchesne, and by him with Neaulme, ofAmsterdam. Madam de Luxembourg sent me the original and the duplicate ofmy agreement with Duchesne, that I might sign them. I discovered thewriting to be by the same hand as that of the letters of M. DeMalesherbes, which he himself did not write. The certainty that myagreement was made by the consent, and under the eye of that magistrate, made me sign without hesitation. Duchesne gave me for the manuscript sixthousand livres(two hundred and fifty pounds), half in specie, and one ortwo hundred copies. After having signed the two parts, I sent them bothto Madam de Luxembourg, according to her desire; she gave one toDuchesne, and instead of returning the other kept it herself, so that Inever saw it afterwards. 

My acquaintance with M. And Madam de Luxembourg, though it diverted me alittle from my plan of retirement, did not make me entirely renounce it. Even at the time I was most in favor with Madam de Luxembourg, I alwaysfelt that nothing but my sincere attachment to the marechal and herselfcould render to me supportable the people with whom they were connected, and all the difficulty I had was in conciliating this attachment with amanner of life more agreeable to my inclination, and less contrary to myhealth, which constraint and late suppers continually deranged, notwithstanding all the care taken to prevent it; for in this, as ineverything else, attention was carried as far as possible; thus, forinstance, every evening after supper the marechal, who went early to bed, never failed, notwithstanding everything that could be said to thecontrary, to make me withdraw at the same time. It was not until somelittle time before my catastrophe that, for what reason I know not, heceased to pay me that attention. Before I perceived the coolness ofMadam de Luxembourg, I was desirous, that I might not expose myself toit, to execute my old project; but not having the means to that effect, I was obliged to wait for the conclusion of the agreement for 'Emilius', and in the time I finished the 'Social Contract', and sent it to Rey, fixing the price of the manuscript at a thousand livres (forty-onepounds), which he paid me. 

I ought not perhaps to omit a trifling circumstance relative to thismanuscript. I gave it, well sealed up, to Du Voisin, a minister in thepays de Vaud and chaplain at the Hotel de Hollande, who sometimes came tosee me, and took upon himself to send the packet to Rey, with whom he wasconnected. The manuscript, written in a small letter, was but verytrifling, and did not fill his pocket. Yet, in passing the barriere, thepacket fell, I know not by what means, into the hands of the Commis, whoopened and examined it, and afterwards returned it to him, when he hadreclaimed it in the name of the ambassador. This gave him an opportunityof reading it himself, which he ingeniously wrote me he had done, speaking highly of the work, without suffering a word of criticism orcensure to escape him; undoubtedly reserving to himself to become theavenger of Christianity as soon as the work should appear. He resealedthe packet and sent it to Rey. Such is the substance of his narrative inthe letter in which he gave an account of the affair, and is all I everknew of the matter. 

Besides these two books and my dictionary of music, at which I still didsomething as opportunity offered, I had other works of less importanceready to make their appearance, and which I proposed to publish eitherseparately or in my general collection, should I ever undertake it. Theprincipal of these works, most of which are still in manuscript in thehands of De Peyrou, was an essay on the origin of Languages, which I hadread to M. De Malesherbes and the Chevalier de Lorenzy, who spokefavorably of it. I expected all the productions together would produceme a net capital of from eight to ten thousand livres (three to fourhundred pounds), which I intended to sink in annuities for my life andthat of Theresa; after which, our design, as I have already mentioned, was to go and live together in the midst of some province, withoutfurther troubling the public about me, or myself with any other projectthan that of peacefully ending my days and still continuing to do in myneighborhood all the good in my power, and to write at leisure thememoirs which I intended. 

Such was my intention, and the execution of it was facilitated by an actof generosity in Rey, upon which I cannot be silent. This bookseller, ofwhom so many unfavorable things were told me in Paris, is, notwithstanding, the only one with whom I have always had reason to besatisfied. It is true, we frequently disagreed as to the execution of myworks. He was heedless and I was choleric; but in matters of interestwhich related to them, although I never made with him an agreement inform, I always found in him great exactness and probity. He is also theonly person of his profession who frankly confessed to me he gainedlargely by my means; and he frequently, when he offered me a part of hisfortune, told me I was the author of it all. Not finding the means ofexercising his gratitude immediately upon myself, he wished at least togive me proofs of it in the person of my governante, upon whom he settledan annuity of three hundred livres (twelve pounds), expressing in thedeed that it was an acknowledgment for the advantages I had procured him. This he did between himself and me, without ostentation, pretension, ornoise, and had not I spoken of it to anybody, not a single person wouldever have known anything of the matter. I was so pleased with thisaction that I became attached to Rey, and conceived for him a realfriendship. Sometime afterwards he desired I would become godfather toone of his children; I consented, and a part of my regret in thesituation to which I am reduced, is my being deprived of the means ofrendering in future my attachment of my goddaughter useful to her and herparents. Why am I, who am so sensible of the modest generosity of thisbookseller, so little so of the noisy eagerness of many persons of thehighest rank, who pompously fill the world with accounts of the servicesthey say they wished to render me, but the good effects of which I neverfelt? Is it their fault or mine? Are they nothing more than vain; is myinsensibility purely ingratitude? Intelligent reader weigh anddetermine; for my part I say no more. 

This pension was a great resource to Theresa and considerable alleviationto me, although I was far from receiving from it a direct advantage, anymore than from the presents that were made her. 

She herself has always disposed of everything. When I kept her money Igave her a faithful account of it, without ever applying any part of thedeposit to our common expenses, not even when she was richer thanmyself. "What is mine is ours, " said I to her; "and what is thine isthine. " I never departed from this maxim. They who have had thebaseness to accuse me of receiving by her hands that which I refused totake with mine, undoubtedly judged of my heart by their own, and knew butlittle of me. I would willingly eat with her the bread she should haveearned, but not that she should have had given her. For a proof of thisI appeal to herself, both now and hereafter, when, according to thecourse of nature, she shall have survived me. Unfortunately, sheunderstands but little of economy in any respect, and is, besides, careless and extravagant, not from vanity nor gluttony, but solely fromnegligence. No creature is perfect here below, and since the excellentqualities must be accompanied with some detects; I prefer these to vices;although her defects are more prejudicial to us both. The efforts I havemade, as formerly I did for mamma, to accumulate something in advancewhich might some day be to her a never-failing resource, are not to beconceived; but my cares were always ineffectual. 

Neither of these women ever called themselves to an account, and, notwithstanding all my efforts, everything I acquired was dissipated asfast as it came. Notwithstanding the great simplicity of Theresa'sdress, the pension from Rey has never been sufficient to buy her clothes, and I have every year been under the necessity of adding something to itfor that purpose. We are neither of us born to be rich, and this Icertainly do not reckon amongst our misfortunes. 

The 'Social Contract' was soon printed. This was not the case with'Emilius', for the publication of which I waited to go into theretirement I meditated. Duchesne, from time to time, sent me specimensof impression to choose from; when I had made my choice, instead ofbeginning he sent me others. When, at length, we were fully determinedon the size and letter, and several sheets were already printed off, onsome trifling alteration I made in a proof, he began the whole again; andat the end of six months we were in less forwardness than on the firstday. During all these experiments I clearly perceived the work wasprinting in France as well as in Holland, and that two editions of itwere preparing at the same time. What could I do? The manuscript was nolonger mine. Far from having anything to do with the edition in France, I was always against it; but since, at length, this was preparing inspite of all opposition, and was to serve as a model to the other, it wasnecessary I should cast my eyes over it and examine the proofs, that mywork might not be mutilated. It was, besides, printed so much by theconsent of the magistrate, that it was he who, in some measure, directedthe undertaking; he likewise wrote to me frequently, and once came to seeme and converse on the subject upon an occasion of which I am going tospeak. 

Whilst Duchesne crept like a snail, Neaulme, whom he withheld, scarcelymoved at all. The sheets were not regularly sent him as they wereprinted. He thought there was some trick in the manoeuvre of Duchesne, that is, of Guy who acted for him; and perceiving the terms of theagreement to be departed from, he wrote me letter after letter full ofcomplaints, and it was less possible for me to remove the subject of themthan that of those I myself had to make. His friend Guerin, who at thattime came frequently to see my house, never ceased speaking to me aboutthe work, but always with the greatest reserve. He knew and he did notknow that it was printing in France, and that the magistrate had a handin it. In expressing his concern for my embarrassment, he seemed toaccuse me of imprudence without ever saying in what this consisted; heincessantly equivocated, and seemed to speak for no other purpose than tohear what I had to say. I thought myself so secure that I laughed at hismystery and circumspection as at a habit he had contracted with ministersand magistrates whose offices he much frequented. Certain of havingconformed to every rule with the work, and strongly persuaded that I hadnot only the consent and protection of the magistrate, but that the bookmerited and had obtained the favor of the minister, I congratulatedmyself upon my courage in doing good, and laughed at my pusillanimousfriends who seemed uneasy on my account. Duclos was one of these, and Iconfess my confidence in his understanding and uprightness might havealarmed me, had I had less in the utility of the work and in the probityof those by whom it was patronized. He came from the house of M. Bailleto see me whilst 'Emilius' was in the press; he spoke to me concerningit; I read to him the 'Profession of Faith of the Savoyard Vicar', to which he listened attentively and, as it seemed to me with pleasure. When I had finished he said: "What! citizen, this is a part of a worknow printing in Paris?"--"Yes, " answered I, and it ought to be printed atthe Louvre by order of the king. "--I confess it, " replied he; "but praydo not mention to anybody your having read to me this fragment. "

This striking manner of expressing himself surprised without alarming me. I knew Duclos was intimate with M. De Malesherbes, and I could notconceive how it was possible he should think so differently from him uponthe same subject. 

I had lived at Montmorency for the last four years without ever havinghad there one day of good health. Although the air is excellent, thewater is bad, and this may possibly be one of the causes whichcontributed to increase my habitual complaints. Towards the end of theautumn of 1767, I fell quite ill, and passed the whole winter insuffering almost without intermission. The physical ill, augmented by athousand inquietudes, rendered these terrible. For some time past mymind had been disturbed by melancholy forebodings without my knowing towhat these directly tended. I received anonymous letters of anextraordinary nature, and others, that were signed, much of the sameimport. I received one from a counsellor of the parliament of Paris, who, dissatisfied with the present constitution of things, and foreseeingnothing but disagreeable events, consulted me upon the choice of anasylum at Geneva or in Switzerland, to retire to with his family. Another was brought me from M. De -----, 'president a mortier' of theparliament of -----, who proposed to me to draw up for this Parliament, which was then at variance with the court, memoirs and remonstrances, andoffering to furnish me with all the documents and materials necessary forthat purpose. 

When I suffer I am subject to ill humor. This was the case when Ireceived these letters, and my answers to them, in which I flatly refusedeverything that was asked of me, bore strong marks of the effect they hadhad upon my mind. I do not however reproach myself with this refusal, asthe letters might be so many snares laid by my enemies, [I knew, for instance, the President de----- to be connected with the Encyclopedists and the Holbachiens]

and what was required of me was contrary to the principles from which Iwas less willing than ever to swerve. But having it within my power torefuse with politeness I did it with rudeness, and in this consists myerror. 

The two letters of which I have just spoken will be found amongst mypapers. The letter from the chancellor did not absolutely surprise me, because I agreed with him in opinion, and with many others, that thedeclining constitution of France threatened an approaching destruction. The disasters of an unsuccessful war, all of which proceeded from a faultin the government; the incredible confusion in the finances; theperpetual drawings upon the treasury by the administration, which wasthen divided between two or three ministers, amongst whom reigned nothingbut discord, and who, to counteract the operations of each other, let thekingdom go to ruin; the discontent of the people, and of every other rankof subjects; the obstinacy of a woman who, constantly sacrificing herjudgment, if she indeed possessed any, to her inclinations, kept frompublic employment persons capable of discharging the duties of them, toplace in them such as pleased her best; everything occurred in justifyingthe foresight of the counsellor, that of the public, and my own. This, made me several times consider whether or not I myself should seek anasylum out of the kingdom before it was torn by the dissensions by whichit seemed to be threatened; but relieved from my fears by myinsignificance, and the peacefulness of my disposition, I thought that inthe state of solitude in which I was determined to live, no publiccommotion could reach me. I was sorry only that, in this state ofthings, M. De Luxembourg should accept commissions which tended to injurehim in the opinion of the persons of the place of which he was governor. I could have wished he had prepared himself a retreat there, in case thegreat machine had fallen in pieces, which seemed much to be apprehended;and still appears to me beyond a doubt, that if the reins of governmenthad not fallen into a single hand, the French monarchy would now be atthe last gasp. 

Whilst my situation became worse the printing of 'Emilius' went on moreslowly, and was at length suspended without my being able to learn thereason why; Guy did not deign to answer my letter of inquiry, and I couldobtain no information from any person of what was going forward. M. DeMalesherbes being then in the country. A misfortune never makes meuneasy provided I know in what it consists; but it is my nature to beafraid of darkness, I tremble at the appearance of it; mystery alwaysgives me inquietude, it is too opposite to my natural disposition, inwhich there is an openness bordering on imprudence. The sight of themost hideous monster would, I am of opinion, alarm me but little; but ifby night I were to see a figure in a white sheet I should be afraid ofit. My imagination, wrought upon by this long silence, was now employedin creating phantoms. I tormented myself the more in endeavoring todiscover the impediment to the printing of my last and best production, as I had the publication of it much at heart; and as I always carriedeverything to an extreme, I imagined that I perceived in the suspensionthe suppression of the work. Yet, being unable to discover either thecause or manner of it, I remained in the most cruel state of suspense. I wrote letter after letter to Guy, to M. De Malesherbes and to Madam deLuxembourg, and not receiving answers, at least when I expected them, myhead became so affected that I was not far from a delirium. I unfortunately heard that Father Griffet, a Jesuit, had spoken of'Emilius' and repeated from it some passages. My imagination instantlyunveiled to me the mystery of iniquity; I saw the whole progress of it asclearly as if it had been revealed to me. I figured to myself that theJesuits, furious on account of the contemptuous manner in which I hadspoken of colleges, were in possession of my work; that it was they whohad delayed the publication; that, informed by their friend Guerin of mysituation, and foreseeing my approaching dissolution, of which I myselfhad no manner of doubt, they wished to delay the appearance of the workuntil after that event, with an intention to curtail and mutilate it, andin favor of their own views, to attribute to me sentiments not my own. The number of facts and circumstances which occurred to my mind, inconfirmation of this silly proposition, and gave it an appearance oftruth supported by evidence and demonstration, is astonishing. I knewGuerin to be entirely in the interest of the Jesuits. I attributed tothem all the friendly advances he had made me; I was persuaded he had, by their entreaties, pressed me to engage with Neaulme, who had giventhem the first sheets of my work; that they had afterwards found means tostop the printing of it by Duchesne, and perhaps to get possession of themanuscript to make such alterations in it as they should think proper, that after my death they might publish it disguised in their own manner. I had always perceived, notwithstanding the wheedling of Father Berthier, that the Jesuits did not like me, not only as an Encyclopedist, butbecause all my principles were more in opposition to their maxims andinfluence than the incredulity of my colleagues, since atheistical anddevout fanaticism, approaching each other by their common enmity totoleration, may become united; a proof of which is seen in China, and inthe cabal against myself; whereas religion, both reasonable and moral, taking away all power over the conscience, deprives those who assume thatpower of every resource. I knew the chancellor was a great friend to theJesuits, and I had my fears less the son, intimidated by the father, should find himself under the necessity of abandoning the work he hadprotected. I besides imagined that I perceived this to be the case inthe chicanery employed against me relative to the first two volumes, inwhich alterations were required for reasons of which I could not feel theforce; whilst the other two volumes were known to contain things of sucha nature as, had the censor objected to them in the manner he did to thepassages he thought exceptionable in the others, would have requiredtheir being entirely written over again. I also understood, and M. DeMalesherbes himself told me of it, that the Abbe de Grave, whom he hadcharged with the inspection of this edition, was another partisan of theJesuits. I saw nothing but Jesuits, without considering that, upon thepoint of being suppressed, and wholly taken up in making their defence, they had something which interested them much more than the cavillingsrelative to a work in which they were not in question. I am wrong, however, in saying this did not occur to me; for I really thought of it, and M. De Malesherbes took care to make the observation to me the momenthe heard of my extravagant suspicions. But by another of thoseabsurdities of a man, who, from the bosom of obscurity, will absolutelyjudge of the secret of great affairs, with which he is totallyunacquainted. I never could bring myself to believe the Jesuits were indanger, and I considered the rumor of their suppression as an artfulmanoeuvre of their own to deceive their adversaries. Their pastsuccesses, which had been uninterrupted, gave me so terrible an idea ofthe power, that I already was grieved at the overthrow of the parliament. I knew M. De Choiseul had prosecuted his studies under the Jesuits, thatMadam de Pompadour was not upon bad terms with them, and that theirleague with favorites and ministers had constantly appeared advantageousto their order against their common enemies. The court seemed to remainneuter, and persuaded as I was that should the society receive a severecheck it would not come from the parliament, I saw in the inaction ofgovernment the ground of their confidence and the omen of their triumph. 

In fine, perceiving in the rumors of the day nothing more than art anddissimulation on their part, and thinking they, in their state ofsecurity, had time to watch over all their interests, I had had not theleast doubt of their shortly crushing Jansenism, the parliament and theEncyclopedists, with every other association which should not submit totheir yoke; and that if they ever suffered my work to appear, this wouldnot happen until it should be so transformed as to favor theirpretensions, and thus make use of my name the better to deceive myreaders. 

I felt my health and strength decline; and such was the horror with whichmy mind was filled, at the idea of dishonor to my memory in the work mostworthy of myself, that I am surprised so many extravagant ideas did notoccasion a speedy end to my existence. I never was so much afraid ofdeath as at this time, and had I died with the apprehensions I then hadupon my mind, I should have died in despair. At present, although Iperceived no obstacle to the execution of the blackest and most dreadfulconspiracy ever formed against the memory of a man, I shall die much morein peace, certain of leaving in my writings a testimony in my favor, andone which, sooner or later, will triumph over the calumnies of mankind. 

M. De Malesherbes, who discovered the agitation of my mind, and to whom Iacknowledged it, used such endeavors to restore me to tranquility asproved his excessive goodness of heart. Madam de Luxembourg aided him inhis good work, and several times went to Duchesne to know in what statethe edition was. At length the impression was again begun, and theprogress of it became more rapid than ever, without my knowing for whatreason it had been suspended. M. De Malesherbes took the trouble to cometo Montmorency to calm my mind; in this he succeeded, and the fullconfidence I had in his uprightness having overcome the derangement of mypoor head, gave efficacy to the endeavors he made to restore it. Afterwhat he had seen of my anguish and delirium, it was natural he shouldthink I was to be pitied; and he really commiserated my situation. Theexpressions, incessantly repeated, of the philosophical cabal by which hewas surrounded, occurred to his memory. When I went to live at theHermitage, they, as I have already remarked, said I should not remainthere long. When they saw I persevered, they charged me with obstinacyand pride, proceeding from a want of courage to retract, and insistedthat my life was there a burden to me; in short, that I was verywretched. M. De Malesherbes believed this really to be the case, andwrote to me upon the subject. This error in a man for whom I had so muchesteem gave me some pain, and I wrote to him four letters successively, in which I stated the real motives of my conduct, and made him fullyacquainted with my taste, inclination and character, and with the mostinterior sentiments of my heart. These letters, written hastily, almostwithout taking pen from paper, and which I neither copied, corrected, nor even read, are perhaps the only things I ever wrote with facility, which, in the midst of my sufferings, was, I think, astonishing. I sighed, as I felt myself declining, at the thought of leaving in themidst of honest men an opinion of me so far from truth; and by the sketchhastily given in my four letters, I endeavored, in some measure, tosubstitute them to the memoirs I had proposed to write. They areexpressive of my grief to M. De Malesherbes, who showed them in Paris, and are, besides, a kind of summary of what I here give in detail, and, on this account, merit preservation. The copy I begged of them someyears afterwards will be found amongst my papers. 

The only thing which continued to give me pain, in the idea of myapproaching dissolution, was my not having a man of letters for a friend, to whom I could confide my papers, that after my death he might take aproper choice of such as were worthy of publication. 

After my journey to Geneva, I conceived a friendship for Moulton; thisyoung man pleased me, and I could have wished him to receive my lastbreath. I expressed to him this desire, and am of opinion he wouldreadily have complied with it, had not his affairs prevented him from sodoing. Deprived of this consolation, I still wished to give him a markof my confidence by sending him the 'Profession of Faith of the SavoyardVicar' before it was published. He was pleased with the work, but didnot in his answer seem so fully to expect from it the effect of which Ihad but little doubt. He wished to receive from me some fragment which Ihad not given to anybody else. I sent him the funeral oration of thelate Duke of Orleans; this I had written for the Abbe Darty, who had notpronounced it, because, contrary to his expectation, another person wasappointed to perform that ceremony. 

The printing of Emilius, after having been again taken in hand, wascontinued and completed without much difficulty; and I remarked thissingularity, that after the curtailings so much insisted upon in thefirst two volumes, the last two were passed over without an objection, and their contents did not delay the publication for a moment. I had, however, some uneasiness which I must not pass over in silence. Afterhaving been afraid of the Jesuits, I begun to fear the Jansenists andphilosophers. An enemy to party, faction and cabal, I never heard theleast good of parties concerned in them. The gossips had quitted theirold abode and taken up their residence by the side of me, so that intheir chamber, everything said in mine, and upon the terrace, wasdistinctly heard; and from their garden it would have been easy to scalethe low wall by which it was separated from my alcove. This was becomemy study; my table was covered with proofsheets of Emilius and the SocialContract and stitching these sheets as they were sent to me, I had all myvolumes a long time before they were published. My negligence and theconfidence I had in M. Mathas, in whose garden I was shut up, frequentlymade me forget to lock the door at night, and in the morning I severaltimes found it wide open; this, however, would not have given me theleast inquietude had I not thought my papers seemed to have beenderanged. After having several times made the same remark, I became morecareful, and locked the door. The lock was a bad one, and the key turnedin it no more than half round. As I became more attentive, I found mypapers in a much greater confusion than they were when I left everythingopen. At length I missed one of my volumes without knowing what wasbecome of it until the morning of the third day, when I again found itupon the table. I never suspected either M. Mathas or his nephew M. DuMoulin, knowing myself to be beloved by both, and my confidence in themwas unbounded. That I had in the gossips began to diminish. Althoughthey were Jansenists, I knew them to have some connection withD' Alembert, and moreover they all three lodged in the same house. Thisgave me some uneasiness, and put me more upon my guard. I removed mypapers from the alcove to my chamber, and dropped my acquaintance withthese people, having learned they had shown in several houses the firstvolume of 'Emilius', which I had been imprudent enough to lend them. Although they continued until my departure to be my neighbors I never, after my first suspicions, had the least communication with them. The'Social Contract' appeared a month or two before 'Emilius'. Rey, whom Ihad desired never secretly to introduce into France any of my books, applied to the magistrate for leave to send this book by Rouen, to whichplace he sent his package by sea. He received no answer, and his bales, after remaining at Rouen several months, were returned to him, but notuntil an attempt had been made to confiscate them; this, probably, wouldhave been done had not he made a great clamor. Several persons, whosecuriosity the work had excited, sent to Amsterdam for copies, which werecirculated without being much noticed. Maulion, who had heard of this, and had, I believe, seen the work, spoke to me on the subject with an airof mystery which surprised me, and would likewise have made me uneasy if, certain of having conformed to every rule, I had not by virtue of mygrand maxim, kept my mind calm. I moreover had no doubt but M. DeChoiseul, already well disposed towards me, and sensible of the eulogiumof his administration, which my esteem for him had induced me to make inthe work, would support me against the malevolence of Madam de Pompadour. 

I certainly had then as much reason as ever to hope for the goodness ofM. De Luxembourg, and even for his assistance in case of need; for henever at any time had given me more frequent and more pointed marks ofhis friendship. At the journey of Easter, my melancholy state no longerpermitting me to go to the castle, he never suffered a day to passwithout coming to see me, and at length, perceiving my sufferings to beincessant, he prevailed upon me to determine to see Friar Come. Heimmediately sent for him, came with him, and had the courage, uncommon toa man of his rank, to remain with me during the operation which was crueland tedious. Upon the first examination, Come thought he found a greatstone, and told me so; at the second, he could not find it again. Afterhaving made a third attempt with so much care and circumspection that Ithought the time long, he declared there was no stone, but that theprostate gland was schirrous and considerably thickened. He besidesadded, that I had a great deal to suffer, and should live a long time. Should the second prediction be as fully accomplished as the first, mysufferings are far from being at an end. 

It was thus I learned after having been so many years treated fordisorders which I never had, that my incurable disease, without beingmortal, would last as long as myself. My imagination, repressed by thisinformation, no longer presented to me in prospective a cruel death inthe agonies of the stone. 

Delivered from imaginary evils, more cruel to me than those which werereal, I more patiently suffered the latter. It is certain I have sincesuffered less from my disorder than I had done before, and every time Irecollect that I owe this alleviation to M. De Luxembourg, his memorybecomes more dear to me. 

Restored, as I may say, to life, and more than ever occupied with theplan according to which I was determined to pass the rest of my days, allthe obstacle to the immediate execution of my design was the publicationof 'Emilius'. I thought of Touraine where I had already been and whichpleased me much, as well on account of the mildness of the climate, as onthat of the character of the inhabitants. 

 'La terra molle lieta a dilettosa Simile a se l'habitator produce. '

I had already spoken of my project to M. De Luxembourg, who endeavored todissuade me from it; I mentioned it to him a second time as a thingresolved upon. He then offered me the castle of Merlon, fifteen leaguesfrom Paris, as an asylum which might be agreeable to me, and where he andMadam de Luxembourg would have a real pleasure in seeing me settled. Theproposition made a pleasing impression on my mind. But the first thingnecessary was to see the place, and we agreed upon a day when themarechal was to send his valet de chambre with a carriage to take me toit. On the day appointed, I was much indisposed; the journey waspostponed, and different circumstances prevented me from ever making it. I have since learned the estate of Merlou did not belong to the marechalbut to his lady, on which account I was the less sorry I had not gone tolive there. 

'Emilius' was at length given to the public, without my having heardfurther of retrenchments or difficulties. Previous to the publication, the marechal asked me for all the letters M. De Malesherbes had writtento me on the subject of the work. My great confidence in both, and theperfect security in which I felt myself, prevented me from reflectingupon this extraordinary and even alarming request. I returned all theletters excepting one or two which, from inattention, were left betweenthe leaves of a book. A little time before this, M. De Malesherbes toldme he should withdraw the letters I had written to Duchesne during myalarm relative to the Jesuits, and, it must be confessed, these lettersdid no great honor to my reason. But in my answer I assured him I wouldnot in anything pass for being better than I was, and that he might leavethe letters where they were. I know not what he resolved upon. 

The publication of this work was not succeeded by the applause which hadfollowed that of all my other writings. No work was ever more highlyspoken of in private, nor had any literary production ever had lesspublic approbation. What was said and written to me upon the subject bypersons most capable of judging, confirmed me in my opinion that it wasthe best, as well as the most important of all the works I had produced. But everything favorable was said with an air of the most extraordinarymystery, as if there had been a necessity of keeping it a secret. Madamde Boufflers, who wrote to me that the author of the work merited astatue, and the homage of mankind, at the end of her letter desired itmight be returned to her. D'Alembert, who in his note said the work gaveme a decided superiority, and ought to place me at the head of men ofletters, did not sign what he wrote, although he had signed every note Ihad before received from him. Duclos, a sure friend, a man of veracity, but circumspect, although he had a good opinion of the work, avoidedmentioning it in his letters to me. La Condomine fell upon theConfession of Faith, and wandered from the subject. Clairaut confinedhimself to the same part; but he was not afraid of expressing to me theemotion which the reading of it had caused in him, and in the most directterms wrote to me that it had warmed his old imagination: of all those towhom I had sent my book, he was the only person who spoke freely what hethought of it. 

Mathas, to whom I also had given a copy before the publication, lent itto M. De Blaire, counsellor in the parliament of Strasbourg. M. DeBlaire had a country-house at St. Gratien, and Mathas, his oldacquaintance, sometimes went to see him there. He made him read Emiliusbefore it was published. When he returned it to him, M. De Blaireexpressed himself in the following terms, which were repeated to me thesame day: "M. Mathas, this is a very fine work, but it will in a shorttime be spoken of more than, for the author might be wished. " I laughedat the prediction, and saw in it nothing more than the importance of aman of the robe, who treats everything with an air of mystery. All thealarming observations repeated to me made no impression upon my mind, and, far from foreseeing the catastrophe so near at hand, certain of theutility and excellence of my work, and that I had in every respectconformed to established rules; convinced, as I thought I was that Ishould be supported by all the credit of M. De Luxembourg and the favorof the ministry, I was satisfied with myself for the resolution I hadtaken to retire in the midst of my triumphs, and at my return to crushthose by whom I was envied. 

One thing in the publication of the work alarmed me, less on account ofmy safety than for the unburdening of my mind. At the Hermitage and atMontmorency I had seen with indignation the vexations which the jealouscare of the pleasures of princes causes to be exercised on wretchedpeasants, forced to suffer the havoc made by game in their fields, without daring to take any other measure to prevent this devastation thanthat of making a noise, passing the night amongst the beans and peas, with drums, kettles and bells, to keep off the wild boars. As I had beena witness to the barbarous cruelty with which the Comte de Charoloistreated these poor people, I had toward the end of Emilius exclaimedagainst it. This was another infraction of my maxims, which has notremained unpunished. I was informed that the people of the Prince ofConti were but little less severe upon his, estates; I trembled less thatprince, for whom I was penetrated with respect and gratitude, should taketo his own account what shocked humanity had made me say on that ofothers, and feel himself offended. Yet, as my conscience fully acquittedme upon this article, I made myself easy, and by so doing acted wisely:at least, I have not heard that this great prince took notice of thepassage, which, besides, was written long before I had the honor of beingknown to him. 

A few days either before or after the publication of my work, for I donot exactly recollect the time, there appeared another work upon the samesubject, taken verbatim from my first volume, except a few stupid thingswhich were joined to the extract. The book bore the name of a Genevese, one Balexsert, and, according to the title-page, had gained the premiumin the Academy of Harlem. I easily imagined the academy and the premiumto be newly founded, the better to conceal the plagiarism from the eyesof the public; but I further perceived there was some prior intriguewhich I could not unravel; either by the lending of my manuscript, without which the theft could not have been committed, or for the purposeof forging the story of the pretended premium, to which it was necessaryto give some foundation. It was not until several years afterwards, thatby a word which escaped D'Ivernois, I penetrated the mystery anddiscovered those by whom Balexsert had been brought forward. 

The low murmurings which precede a storm began to be heard, and men ofpenetration clearly saw there was something gathering, relative to me andmy book, which would shortly break over my head. For my part mystupidity was such, that, far from foreseeing my misfortune, I did notsuspect even the cause of it after I had felt its effect. It wasartfully given out that while the Jesuits were treated with severity, no indulgence could be shown to books nor the authors of them in whichreligion was attacked. I was reproached with having put my name toEmilius, as if I had not put it to all my other works of which nothingwas said. Government seemed to fear it should be obliged to take somesteps which circumstances rendered necessary on account of my imprudence. Rumors to this effect reached my ears, but gave me not much uneasiness:it never even came into my head, that there could be the least thing inthe whole affair which related to me personally, so perfectlyirreproachable and well supported did I think myself; having besidesconformed to every ministerial regulation, I did not apprehend Madam deLuxembourg would leave me in difficulties for an error, which, if itexisted, proceeded entirely from herself. But knowing the manner ofproceeding in like cases, and that it was customary to punish booksellerswhile authors were favored; I had some uneasiness on account of poorDuchesne, whom I saw exposed to danger, should M. De Malesherbes abandonhim. 

My tranquility still continued. Rumors increased and soon changed theirnature. The public, and especially the parliament, seemed irritated bymy composure. In a few days the fermentation became terrible, and theobject of the menaces being changed, these were immediately addressed tome. The parliamentarians were heard to declare that burning books was ofno effect, the authors also should be burned with them; not a word wassaid of the booksellers. The first time these expressions, more worthyof an inquisitor of Goa than a senator, were related to me, I had nodoubt of their coming from the Holbachiques with an intention to alarm meand drive me from France. I laughed at their puerile manoeuvre, and saidthey would, had they known the real state of things, have thought of someother means of inspiring me with fear; but the rumor at length becamesuch that I perceived the matter was serious. M. And Madam de Luxembourghad this year come to Montmorency in the month of June, which, for theirsecond journey, was more early than common. I heard but little there ofmy new books, notwithstanding the noise they made in Paris; neither themarechal nor his lady said a single word to me on the subject. However, one morning, when M. De Luxembourg and I were together, he asked me if, in the 'Social Contract', I had spoken ill of M. De Choiseul. "I?" saidI, retreating a few steps with surprise; "no, I swear to you I have not;but on the contrary, I have made on him, and with a pen not given topraise, the finest eulogium a minister ever received. " I then showed himthe passage. "And in Emilius?" replied he. "Not a word, " said I;"there is not in it a single word which relates to him. "--"Ah!" said he, with more vivacity than was common to him, "you should have taken thesame care in the other book, or have expressed yourself more clearly!""I thought, " replied I, "what I wrote could not be misconstrued; myesteem for him was such as to make me extremely cautious not to beequivocal. "

He was again going to speak; I perceived him ready to open his mind: hestopped short and held his tongue. Wretched policy of a courtier, whichin the best of hearts, subjugates friendship itself!

This conversation although short, explained to me my situation, at leastin certain respects, and gave me to understand that it was against myselfthe anger of administration was raised. The unheard of fatality, whichturned to my prejudice all the good I did and wrote, afflicted my heart. Yet, feeling myself shielded in this affair by Madam de Luxembourg and M. De Malesherbes, I did not perceive in what my persecutors could depriveme of their protection. However, I, from that moment was convincedequity and judgment were no longer in question, and that no pains wouldbe spared in examining whether or not I was culpable. The storm becamestill more menacing. Neaulme himself expressed to me, in the excess ofhis babbling, how much he repented having had anything to do in thebusiness, and his certainty of the fate with which the book and theauthor were threatened. One thing, however, alleviated my fears: Madamde Luxembourg was so calm, satisfied and cheerful, that I concluded shemust necessarily be certain of the sufficiency of her credit, especiallyif she did not seem to have the least apprehension on my account;moreover, she said not to me a word either of consolation or apology, andsaw the turn the affair took with as much unconcern as if she had nothingto do with it or anything else that related to me. What surprised memost was her silence. I thought she should have said something on thesubject. Madam de Boufflers seemed rather uneasy. She appearedagitated, strained herself a good deal, assured me the Prince of Contiwas taking great pains to ward off the blow about to be directed againstmy person, and which she attributed to the nature of presentcircumstances, in which it was of importance to the parliament not toleave the Jesuits an opening whereby they might bring an accusationagainst it as being indifferent with respect to religion. She did not, however, seem to depend much either upon the success of her own effortsor even those of the prince. Her conversations, more alarming thanconsolatory, all tended to persuade me to leave the kingdom and go toEngland, where she offered me an introduction to many of her friends, amongst others one to the celebrated Hume, with whom she had long beenupon a footing of intimate friendship. Seeing me still unshaken, she hadrecourse to other arguments more capable of disturbing my tranquillity. She intimated that, in case I was arrested and interrogated, I should beunder the necessity of naming Madam de Luxembourg, and that herfriendship for me required, on my part, such precautions as werenecessary to prevent her being exposed. My answer was, that should whatshe seemed to apprehend come to pass, she need not be alarmed; that Ishould do nothing by which the lady she mentioned might become asufferer. She said such a resolution was more easily taken than adheredto, and in this she was right, especially with respect to me, determinedas I always have been neither to prejudice myself nor lie before judges, whatever danger there might be in speaking the truth. 

Perceiving this observation had made some impression upon my mind, without however inducing me to resolve upon evasion, she spoke of theBastile for a few weeks, as a means of placing me beyond the reach of thejurisdiction of the parliament, which has nothing to do with prisoners ofstate. I had no objection to this singular favor, provided it were notsolicited in my name. As she never spoke of it a second time, Iafterwards thought her proposition was made to sound me, and that theparty did not think proper to have recourse to an expedient which wouldhave put an end to everything. 

A few days afterwards the marechal received from the Cure de Dueil, thefriend of Grimm and Madam d'Epinay, a letter informing him, as from goodauthority, that the parliament was to proceed against me with thegreatest severity, and that, on a day which he mentioned, an order was tobe given to arrest me. I imagined this was fabricated by theHolbachiques; I knew the parliament to be very attentive to forms, and that on this occasion, beginning by arresting me before it wasjuridically known I avowed myself the author of the book was violatingthem all. I observed to Madam de Boufflers that none but persons accusedof crimes which tend to endanger the public safety were, on a simpleinformation ordered to be arrested lest they should escape punishment. But when government wish to punish a crime like mine, which merits honorand recompense, the proceedings are directed against the book, and theauthor is as much as possible left out of the question. 

Upon this she made some subtle distinction, which I have forgotten, toprove that ordering me to be arrested instead of summoning me to be heardwas a matter of favor. The next day I received a letter from Guy, whoinformed me that having in the morning been with the attorney-general, hehad seen in his office a rough draft of a requisition against Emilius andthe author. Guy, it is to be remembered, was the partner of Duchesne, who had printed the work, and without apprehensions on his own account, charitably gave this information to the author. The credit I gave to himmaybe judged of. 

It was, no doubt, a very probable story, that a bookseller, admitted toan audience by the attorney-general, should read at ease scattered roughdrafts in the office of that magistrate! Madam de Boufflers and othersconfirmed what he had said. By the absurdities which were incessantlyrung in my ears, I was almost tempted to believe that everybody I heardspeak had lost their senses. 

Clearly perceiving that there was some mystery, which no one thoughtproper to explain to me, I patiently awaited the event, depending upon myintegrity and innocence, and thinking myself happy, let the persecutionwhich awaited me be what it would, to be called to the honor of sufferingin the cause of truth. Far from being afraid and concealing myself, I went every day to the castle, and in the afternoon took my usual walk. On the eighth of June, the evening before the order was concluded on, Iwalked in company with two professors of the oratory, Father Alamanni andFather Mandard. We carried to Champeaux a little collation, which we atewith a keen appetite. We had forgotten to bring glasses, and suppliedthe want of them by stalks of rye, through which we sucked up the winefrom the bottle, piquing ourselves upon the choice of large tubes to viewith each other in pumping up what we drank. I never was more cheerfulin my life. 

I have related in what manner I lost my sleep during my youth. I hadsince that time contracted a habit of reading every night in my bed, until I found my eyes begin to grow heavy. I then extinguished my waxtaper, and endeavored to slumber for a few moments, which were in generalvery short. The book I commonly read at night was the Bible, which, inthis manner I read five or six times from the beginning to the end. Thisevening, finding myself less disposed to sleep than ordinary, I continuedmy reading beyond the usual hour, and read the whole book which finishesat the Levite of Ephraim, the Book of judges, if I mistake not, for sincethat time I have never once seen it. This history affected meexceedingly, and, in a kind of a dream, my imagination still ran on it, when suddenly I was roused from my stupor by a noise and light. Theresacarrying a candle, lighted M. La Roche, who perceiving me hastily raisemyself up, said: "Do not be alarmed; I come from Madam de Luxembourg, who, in her letter incloses you another from the Prince of Conti. "In fact, in the letter of Madam de Luxembourg I found another, which anexpress from the prince had brought her, stating that, notwithstandingall his efforts, it was determined to proceed against me with the utmostrigor. "The fermentation, " said he, "is extreme; nothing can ward offthe blow; the court requires it, and the parliament will absolutelyproceed; at seven o'clock in the morning an order will be made to arresthim, and persons will immediately be sent to execute it. I have obtaineda promise that he shall not be pursued if he makes his escape; but if hepersists in exposing himself to be taken this will immediately happen. "La Roche conjured me in behalf of Madam de Luxembourg to rise and go andspeak to her. It was two o'clock and she had just retired to bed. "She expects you, " added he, "and will not go to sleep without speakingto you. " I dressed myself in haste and ran to her. 

She appeared to be agitated; this was for the first time. Her distressaffected me. In this moment of surprise and in the night, I myself wasnot free from emotion; but on seeing her I forgot my own situation, andthought of nothing but the melancholy part she would have to act should Isuffer myself to be arrested; for feeling I had sufficient couragestrictly to adhere to truth, although I might be certain of its beingprejudicial or even destructive to me, I was convinced I had not presenceof mind, address, nor perhaps firmness enough, not to expose her should Ibe closely pressed. This determined me to sacrifice my reputation to hertranquillity, and to do for her that which nothing could have prevailedupon me to do for myself. The moment I had come to this resolution, I declared it, wishing not to diminish the magnitude of the sacrifice bygiving her the least trouble to obtain it. I am sure she could notmistake my motive, although she said not a word, which proved to me shewas sensible of it. I was so much shocked at her indifference that I, for a moment, thought of retracting; but the marechal came in, and Madamde Bouffiers arrived from Paris a few moments afterwards. They did whatMadam de Luxembourg ought to have done. I suffered myself to beflattered; I was ashamed to retract; and the only thing that remained tobe determined upon was the place of my retreat and the time of mydeparture. M. De Luxembourg proposed to me to remain incognito a fewdays at the castle, that we might deliberate at leisure, and take suchmeasures as should seem most proper; to this I would not consent, no morethan to go secretly to the temple. I was determined to set off the sameday rather than remain concealed in any place whatever. 

Knowing I had secret and powerful enemies in the kingdom, I thought, notwithstanding my attachment to France, I ought to quit it, the betterto insure my future tranquillity. My first intention was to retire toGeneva, but a moment of reflection was sufficient to dissuade me fromcommitting that act of folly; I knew the ministry of France, morepowerful at Geneva than at Paris, would not leave me more at peace in oneof these cities than in the other, were a resolution taken to torment me. I was also convinced the 'Discourse upon Inequality' had excited againstme in the council a hatred the more dangerous as the council dared notmake it manifest. I had also learned, that when the New Eloisa appeared, the same council had immediately forbidden the sale of that work, uponthe solicitation of Doctor Tronchin; but perceiving the example not to beimitated, even in Paris, the members were ashamed of what they had done, and withdrew the prohibition. 

I had no doubt that, finding in the present case a more favorableopportunity, they would be very careful to take advantage of it. Notwithstanding exterior appearances, I knew there reigned against me inthe heart of every Genevese a secret jealousy, which, in the firstfavorable moment, would publicly show itself. Nevertheless, the love ofmy country called me to it, and could I have flattered myself I shouldthere have lived in peace, I should not have hesitated; but neither honornor reason permitting me to take refuge as a fugitive in a place of whichI was a citizen, I resolved to approach it only, and to wait inSwitzerland until something relative to me should be determined upon inGeneva. This state of uncertainty did not, as it will soon appear, continue long. 

Madam de Boufflers highly disapproved this resolution, and renewed herefforts to induce me to go to England, but all she could say was of noeffect; I had never loved England nor the English, and the eloquence ofMadam de Boufflers, far from conquering my repugnancy, seemed to increaseit without my knowing why. Determined to set off the same day, I wasfrom the morning inaccessible to everybody, and La Roche, whom I sent tofetch my papers, would not tell Theresa whether or not I was gone. SinceI had determined to write my own memoirs, I had collected a great numberof letters and other papers, so that he was obliged to return severaltimes. A part of these papers, already selected, were laid aside, and Iemployed the morning in sorting the rest, that I might take with me suchonly as were necessary and destroy what remained. 

M. De Luxembourg, was kind enough to assist me in this business, which wecould not finish before it was necessary I should set off, and I had nottime to burn a single paper. The marechal offered to take upon himselfto sort what I should leave behind me, and throw into the fire everysheet that he found useless, without trusting to any person whomsoever, and to send me those of which he should make choice. I accepted hisoffer, very glad to be delivered from that care, that I might pass thefew hours I had to remain with persons so dear to me, from whom I wasgoing to separate forever. He took the key of the chamber in which I hadleft these papers; and, at my earnest solicitation, sent for my pooraunt, who, not knowing what had become of me, or what was to become ofherself, and in momentary expectation of the arrival of the officers ofjustice, without knowing how to act or what to answer them, was miserableto an extreme. La Roche accompanied her to the castle in silence; shethought I was already far from Montmorency; on perceiving me, she madethe place resound with her cries, and threw herself into my arms. Oh, friendship, affinity of sentiment, habit and intimacy. 

In this pleasing yet cruel moment, the remembrance of so many days ofhappiness, tenderness and peace, passed together augmented the grief of afirst separation after an union of seventeen years during which we hadscarcely lost sight of each other for a single day. 

The marechal who saw this embrace, could not suppress his tears. He withdrew. Theresa determined never more to leave me out of her sight. I made her feel the inconvenience of accompanying me at that moment, andthe necessity of her remaining to take care of my effects and collect mymoney. When an order is made to arrest a man, it is customary to seizehis papers and put a seal upon his effects, or to make an inventory ofthem and appoint a guardian to whose care they are intrusted. It wasnecessary Theresa should remain to observe what passed, and geteverything settled in the most advantageous manner possible. I promisedher she should shortly come to me; the marechal confirmed my promise;but I did not choose to tell her to what place I was going, that, in caseof being interrogated by the persons who came to take me into custody, she might with truth plead ignorance upon that head. In embracing herthe moment before we separated I felt within me a most extraordinaryemotion, and I said to her with an agitation which, alas! was but tooprophetic: "My dear girl, you must arm yourself with courage. You havepartaken of my prosperity; it now remains to you, since you have chosenit, to partake of my misery. Expect nothing in future but insult andcalamity in following me. The destiny begun for me by this melancholyday will pursue me until my latest hour. "

I had now nothing to think of but my departure. The officers were toarrive at ten o'clock. It was four in the afternoon when I set off, andthey were not yet come. It was determined I should take post. I had nocarriage, The marechal made me a present of a cabriolet, and lent mehorses and a postillion the first stage, where, in consequence of themeasures he had taken, I had no difficulty in procuring others. 

As I had not dined at table, nor made my appearance in the castle, theladies came to bid me adieu in the entresol where I had passed the day. Madam de Luxembourg embraced me several times with a melancholy air;but I did not in these embraces feel the pressing I had done in those shehad lavished upon me two or three years before. Madam de Boufflers alsoembraced me, and said to me many civil things. An embrace whichsurprised me more than all the rest had done was one from Madam deMirepoix, for she also was at the castle. Madam la Marechale de Mirepoixis a person extremely cold, decent, and reserved, and did not, at leastas she appeared to me, seem quite exempt from the natural haughtiness ofthe house of Lorraine. She had never shown me much attention. Whether, flattered by an honor I had not expected, I endeavored to enhance thevalue of it; or that there really was in the embrace a little of thatcommiseration natural to generous hearts, I found in her manner and looksomething energetical which penetrated me. I have since that timefrequently thought that, acquainted with my destiny, she could notrefrain from a momentary concern for my fate. 

The marechal did not open his mouth; he was as pale as death. He wouldabsolutely accompany me to the carriage which waited at the wateringplace. We crossed the garden without uttering a single word. I had akey of the park with which I opened the gate, and instead of putting itagain into my pocket, I held it out to the marechal without saying aword. He took it with a vivacity which surprised me, and which has sincefrequently intruded itself upon my thoughts. 

I have not in my whole life had a more bitter moment than that of thisseparation. Our embrace was long and silent: we both felt that this wasour last adieu. 

Between Barre and Montmorency I met, in a hired carriage, four men inblack, who saluted me smilingly. According to what Theresa has sincetold me of the officers of justice, the hour of their arrival and theirmanner of behavior, I have no doubt, that they were the persons I met, especially as the order to arrest me, instead of being made out at seveno'clock, as I had been told it would, had not been given till noon. Ihad to go through Paris. A person in a cabriolet is not much concealed. I saw several persons in the streets who saluted me with an air offamiliarity but I did not know one of them. The same evening I changedmy route to pass Villeroy. At Lyons the couriers were conducted to thecommandant. This might have been embarrassing to a man unwilling eitherto lie or change his name. I went with a letter from Madam de Luxembourgto beg M. De Villeroy would spare me this disagreeable ceremony. M. DeVilleroy gave me a letter of which I made no use, because I did not gothrough Lyons. This letter still remains sealed up amongst my papers. The duke pressed me to sleep at Villeroy, but I preferred returning tothe great road, which I did, and travelled two more stages the sameevening. 

My carriage was inconvenient and uncomfortable, and I was too muchindisposed to go far in a day. My appearance besides was notsufficiently distinguished for me to be well served, and in Francepost-horses feel the whip in proportion to the favorable opinion thepostillion has of his temporary master. By paying the guides generouslythought I should make up for my shabby appearance: this was still worse. They took me for a worthless fellow who was carrying orders, and, for thefirst time in my life, travelling post. From that moment I had nothingbut worn-out hacks, and I became the sport of the postillions. I endedas I should have begun by being patient, holding my tongue, and sufferingmyself to be driven as my conductors thought proper. 

I had sufficient matter of reflection to prevent me from being weary onthe road, employing myself in the recollection of that which had justhappened; but this was neither my turn of mind nor the inclination of myheart. The facility with which I forget past evils, however recent theymay be, is astonishing. The remembrance of them becomes feeble, and, sooner or later, effaced, in the inverse proportion to the greater degreeof fear with which the approach of them inspires me. My cruelimagination, incessantly tormented by the apprehension of evils still ata distance, diverts my attention, and prevents me from recollecting thosewhich are past. Caution is needless after the evil has happened, and itis time lost to give it a thought. I, in some measure, put a period tomy misfortunes before they happen: the more I have suffered at theirapproach the greater is the facility with which I forget them; whilst, onthe contrary, incessantly recollecting my past happiness, I, if I may sospeak, enjoy it a second time at pleasure. It is to this happydisposition I am indebted for an exemption from that ill humor whichferments in a vindictive mind, by the continual remembrance of injuriesreceived, and torments it with all the evil it wishes to do its enemy. Naturally choleric, I have felt all the force of anger, which in thefirst moments has sometimes been carried to fury, but a desire ofvengeance never took root within me. I think too little of the offenceto give myself much trouble about the offender. I think of the injury Ihave received from him on account of that he may do me a second time, butwere I certain he would never do me another the first would be instantlyforgotten. Pardon of offences is continually preached to us. I knew notwhether or not my heart would be capable of overcoming its hatred, for itnever yet felt that passion, and I give myself too little concern aboutmy enemies to have the merit of pardoning them. I will not say to what adegree, in order to torment me, they torment themselves. I am at theirmercy, they have unbounded power, and make of it what use they please. There is but one thing in which I set them at defiance: which is intormenting themselves about me, to force me to give myself the leasttrouble about them. 

The day after my departure I had so perfectly forgotten what had passed, the parliament, Madam de Pompadour, M. De Choiseul, Grimm, andD'Alembert, with their conspiracies, that had not it been for thenecessary precautions during the journey I should have thought no more ofthem. The remembrance of one thing which supplied the place of all thesewas what I had read the evening before my departure. I recollect, also, the pastorals of Gessner, which his translator Hubert had sent me alittle time before. These two ideas occurred to me so strongly, and wereconnected in such a manner in my mind, that I was determined to endeavorto unite them by treating after the manner of Gessner, the subject of theLevite of Ephraim. His pastoral and simple style appeared to me butlittle fitted to so horrid a subject, and it was not to be presumed thesituation I was then in would furnish me with such ideas as would enlivenit. However, I attempted the thing, solely to amuse myself in mycabriolet, and without the least hope of success. I had no sooner begunthan I was astonished at the liveliness of my ideas, and the facilitywith which I expressed them. In three days I composed the first threecantos of the little poem I finished at Motiers, and I am certain of nothaving done anything in my life in which there is a more interestingmildness of manners, a greater brilliancy of coloring, more simpledelineations, greater exactness of proportion, or more antique simplicityin general, notwithstanding the horror of the subject which in itself isabominable, so that besides every other merit I had still that of adifficulty conquered. If the Levite of Ephraim be not the best of myworks, it will ever be that most esteemed. I have never read, nor shallI ever read it again without feeling interiorly the applause of a heartwithout acrimony, which, far from being embittered by misfortunes, issusceptible of consolation in the midst of them, and finds within itselfa resource by which they are counterbalanced. Assemble the greatphilosophers, so superior in their books to adversity which they do notsuffer, place them in a situation similar to mine, and, in the firstmoments of the indignation of their injured honor, give them a like workto compose, and it will be seen in what manner they will acquitthemselves of the task. 

When I set of from Montmorency to go into Switzerland, I had resolved tostop at Yverdon, at the house of my old friend Roguin, who had severalyears before retired to that place, and had invited me to go and see him. I was told Lyons was not the direct road, for which reason I avoidedgoing through it. But I was obliged to pass through Besancon, afortified town, and consequently subject to the same inconvenience. Itook it into my head to turn about and to go to Salins, under thepretense of going to see M. De Marian, the nephew of M. Dupin, who had anemployment at the salt-works, and formerly had given me many invitationsto his house. The expedition succeeded: M. De Marian was not in theway, and, happily, not being obliged to stop, I continued my journeywithout being spoken to by anybody. 

The moment I was within the territory of Berne, I ordered the postillionto stop; I got out of my carriage, prostrated myself, kissed the ground, and exclaimed in a transport of joy: "Heaven, the protector of virtue bepraised, I touch a land of liberty!" Thus blind and unsuspecting in myhopes, have I ever been passionately attached to that which was to makeme unhappy. The man thought me mad. I got into the carriage, and a fewhours afterwards I had the pure and lively satisfaction of feeling myselfpressed within the arms of the respectable Rougin. Ah! let me breathefor a moment with this worthy host! It is necessary I should gainstrength and courage before I proceed further. I shall soon find that inmy way which will give employment to them both. It is not without reasonthat I have been diffuse in the recital of all the circumstances I havebeen able to recollect. Although they may seem uninteresting, yet, whenonce the thread of the conspiracy is got hold of, they may throw somelight upon the progress of it; and, for instance, without giving thefirst idea of the problem I am going to propose, afford some aid insolving it. 

Suppose that, for the execution of the conspiracy of which I was theobject, my absence was absolutely necessary, everything tending to thateffect could not have happened otherwise than it did; but if withoutsuffering myself to be alarmed by the nocturnal embassy of Madam deLuxembourg, I had continued to hold out, and, instead of remaining at thecastle, had returned to my bed and quietly slept until morning, should Ihave equally had an order of arrest made out against me? This is a greatquestion upon which the solution of many others depends, and for theexamination of it, the hour of the comminatory decree of arrest, and thatof the real decree may be remarked to advantage. A rude but sensibleexample of the importance of the least detail in the exposition of facts, of which the secret causes are sought for to discover them by induction.