[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of thefile for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making anentire meal of them. D. W. ]

THE CONFESSIONS OF HARRY LORREQUER, Vol. 3

[By Charles James Lever (1806-1872)]

Dublin

MDCCCXXXIX. 

Volume 3. (Chapter XVIII-XXIII)

Contents:

CHAPTER XVIIIDetachment Duty--An Assize Town

CHAPTER XIXThe Assize Town

CHAPTER XXA Day in Dublin

CHAPTER XXIA Night at Howth

CHAPTER XXIIThe Journey

CHAPTER XXIIICalais

CHAPTER XVIII. 

DETACHMENT DUTY--AN ASSIZE TOWN. 

As there appeared to be but little prospect of poor Fitzgerald everrequiring any explanation from me as to the events of that morning, forhe feared to venture from his room, lest he might be recognised andprosecuted for abduction, I thought it better to keep my own secret also;and it was therefore with a feeling of any thing but regret, that Ireceived an order which, under other circumstances, would have renderedme miserable--to march on detachment duty. To any one at all conversantwith the life we lead in the army, I need not say how unpleasant such achange usually is. To surrender your capital mess, with all itswell-appointed equipments--your jovial brother officers--hourlyflirtations with the whole female population--never a deficient one in agarrison town--not to speak of your matches at trotting, coursing, andpigeon-shooting, and a hundred other delectable modes of getting overthe ground through life, till it please your ungrateful country and theHorse Guards to make you a major-general--to surrender all these, I say, for the noise, dust, and damp disagreeables of a country inn, with baconto eat, whiskey to drink, and the priest, or the constabulary chief, toget drunk with--I speak of Ireland here--and your only affair, paramours, being the occasional ogling of the apothecary's daughteropposite, as often as she visits the shop, in the soi disant occupationof measuring out garden seeds and senna. These are indeed, theexchanges with a difference, for which there is no compensation; and, for my own part, I never went upon such duty, that I did not exclaimwith the honest Irishman, when the mail went over him, "Oh, Lord! whatis this for?"--firmly believing that in the earthly purgatory of suchduties, I was reaping the heavy retribution attendant on past offences. 

Besides, from being rather a crack man in my corps, I thought it somewhathard that my turn for such duty should come round about twice as often asthat of my brother officers; but so it is--I never knew a fellow a littlesmarter than his neighbours, that was not pounced upon by his colonel fora victim. Now, however, I looked at these matters in a very differentlight. To leave head-quarters was to escape being questioned; whilethere was scarcely any post to which I could be sent, where somethingstrange or adventurous might not turn up, and serve me to erase thememory of the past, and turn the attention of my companions in anyquarter rather than towards myself. 

My orders on the present occasion were to march to Clonmel; from whence Iwas to proceed a short distance to the house of a magistrate, upon whoseinformation, transmitted to the Chief Secretary, the present assistanceof a military party had been obtained; and not without every appearanceof reason. The assizes of the town were about to be held, and manycapital offences stood for trial in the calendar; and as it was stronglyrumoured that, in the event of certain convictions being obtained, arescue would be attempted, a general attack upon the town seemed a toonatural consequence; and if so, the house of so obnoxious a person as himI have alluded to, would be equally certain of being assailed. Such, atleast, is too frequently the history of such scenes, beginning with noone definite object: sometimes a slight one--more ample views and widerconceptions of mischief follow; and what has begun in a drunken riot--acasual rencontre--may terminate in the slaughter of a family, or theburning of a village. The finest peasantry--God bless them--are a vifpeople, and quicker at taking a hint than most others, and have, withal, a natural taste for fighting, that no acquired habits of other nationscan pretend to vie with. 

As the worthy person to whose house I was now about to proceed was, andif I am rightly informed is, rather a remarkable character in the localhistory of Irish politics, I may as well say a few words concerning him. Mr. Joseph Larkins, Esq. --(for so he signed himself)--had only beenlately elevated to the bench of magistrates. He was originally one ofthat large but intelligent class called in Ireland "small farmers;"remarkable chiefly for a considerable tact in driving hard bargains--agreat skill in wethers--a rather national dislike to pay all species ofimposts, whether partaking of the nature of tax, tithe, grand jury cess, or any thing of that nature whatsoever. So very accountable--I hadalmost said, (for I have been long quartered in Ireland, ) so verylaudable a propensity, excited but little of surprise or astonishmentin his neighbours, the majority of whom entertained very similar views--none, however, possessing any thing like the able and lawyer-likeability of the worthy Larkins, for the successful evasion of theseinroads upon the liberty of the subject. Such, in fact, was his talent, and so great his success in this respect, that he had established what, if it did not actually amount to a statute of exemption in law, servedequally well in reality; and for several years he enjoyed a perfectimmunity on the subject of money-paying in general. His "littlehouldin', " as he unostentatiously called some five hundred acres of bog, mountain, and sheep-walk, lay in a remote part of the county, the roadswere nearly impassable for several miles in that direction, land was oflittle value; the agent was a timid man, with a large family; of threetithe-proctors who had penetrated into the forbidden territory, twolaboured under a dyspepsia for life, not being able to digest parchmentand sealing-wax, for they usually dined on their own writs; and thethird gave five pounds out of his pocket, to a large, fresh-looking man, with brown whiskers and beard, that concealed him two nights in ahay-loft, to escape the vengeance of the people, which act ofphilanthropy should never be forgotten, if some ill-natured people werenot bold enough to say the kind individual in question was no other manthan--

However this may be, true it is that this was the last attempt made tobring within the responsibilities of the law so refractory a subject; andso powerful is habit, that although he was to be met with at every marketand cattle-fair in the county, an arrest of his person was no morecontemplated than if he enjoyed the privilege of parliament to go atlarge without danger. 

When the country became disturbed, and nightly meetings of the peasantrywere constantly held, followed by outrages against life and property tothe most frightful extent, the usual resources of the law were employedunavailingly. It was in vain to offer high rewards. Approvers could notbe found; and so perfectly organized were the secret associations, thatfew beyond the very ringleaders knew any thing of consequence tocommunicate. Special commissions were sent down from Dublin; additionalpolice force, detachments of military; long correspondences took placebetween the magistracy and the government--but all in vain. Thedisturbances continued; and at last to such a height had they risen, thatthe country was put under martial law; and even this was ultimately foundperfectly insufficient to repel what now daily threatened to become anopen rebellion rather than mere agrarian disturbance. It was at thisprecise moment, when all resources seemed to be fast exhaustingthemselves, that certain information reached the Castle, of the mostimportant nature. The individual who obtained and transmitted it, hadperilled his life in so doing--but the result was a great one--no lessthan the capital conviction and execution of seven of the mostinfluential amongst the disaffected peasantry. Confidence was at onceshaken in the secrecy of their associates; distrust and suspicionfollowed. Many of the boldest sunk beneath the fear of betrayal, andthemselves, became evidence for the crown; and in five months, a countyshaken with midnight meetings, and blazing with insurrectionary fires, became almost the most tranquil in its province. It may well bebelieved, that he who rendered this important service on this tryingemergency, could not be passed over, and the name of J. Larkins soonafter appeared in the Gazette as one of his Majesty's justices of thepeace for the county; pretty much in the same spirit in which a countrygentleman converts the greatest poacher in his neighbourhood by makinghim, his gamekeeper. 

In person he was a large and powerfully built man, considerably above sixfeet in height, and possessing great activity, combined with powers ofenduring fatigue almost incredible. With an eye like a hawk, and a heartthat never knew fear, he was the person, of all others, calculated tostrike terror into the minds of the country people. The reckless daringwith which he threw himself into danger--the almost impetuous quicknesswith which he followed up a scent, whenever information reached him of animportant character--had their full effect upon a people who, longaccustomed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law were almostparalyzed at beholding detection and punishment follow on crime, ascertainly as the thunder-crash follows the lightning. 

His great instrument for this purpose was the obtaining information fromsworn members of the secret societies, and whose names never appeared inthe course of a trial or a prosecution, until the measure of theiriniquity was completed, when they usually received a couple of hundredpounds, blood-money, as it was called, with which they took themselvesaway to America or Australia--their lives being only secured while theyremained, by the shelter afforded them in the magistrate's own house. And so it happened that, constantly there numbered from ten to twelve ofthese wretches, inmates of his family, each of whom had the burden ofparticipation in one murder at least, waiting for an opportunity to leavethe country, unnoticed and unwatched. 

Such a frightful and unnatural state of things, can hardly be conceived;and yet, shocking as it was, it was a relief to that which led to it. Ihave dwelt, perhaps too long upon this painful subject; but let my readernow accompany me a little farther, and the scene shall be changed. Doeshe see that long, low, white house, with a tall, steep roof, perforatedwith innumerable narrow windows. There are a few straggling beech trees, upon a low, bleak-looking field before the house, which is called, parexcellence, the lawn; a pig or two, some geese, and a tethered goat are, here and there musing over the state of Ireland, while some rosycurly-headed noisy and bare-legged urchins are gamboling before thedoor. This is the dwelling of the worshipful justice, to which myselfand my party were now approaching, with that degree of activity whichattends on most marches of twenty miles, under the oppressive closenessof a day in autumn. Fatigued and tired as I was, yet I could not enterthe little enclosure before the house, without stopping for a moment toadmire the view before me. A large tract of rich country, undulating onevery side, and teeming with corn fields, in all the yellow gold ofripeness; here and there, almost hid by small clumps of ash and alder, were scattered some cottages, from which the blue smoke rose in acurling column into the calm evening's sky. All was graceful, andbeautifully tranquil; and you might have selected the picture asemblematic of that happiness and repose we so constantly associate withour ideas of the country; and yet, before that sun had even set, whichnow gilded the landscape, its glories would be replaced by the luridglare of nightly incendiarism, and--but here, fortunately for my reader, and perhaps myself, I am interrupted in my meditations by a rich, mellifluous accent saying, in the true Doric of the south--

"Mr. Loorequer! you're welcome to Curryglass, sir. You've had a hot dayfor your march. Maybe you'd take a taste of sherry before dinner? Wellthen, we'll not wait for Molowny, but order it up at once. "

So saying, I was ushered into a long, low drawing-room, in which werecollected together about a dozen men, to whom I was specially andseverally presented, and among whom I was happy to find my boarding-houseacquaintance, Mr. Daly, who, with the others, had arrived that same day, for the assizes, and who were all members of the legal profession, eitherbarristers, attorneys, or clerks of the peace. 

The hungry aspect of the convives, no less than the speed with whichdinner made its appearance after my arrival, showed me that my coming wasonly waited for to complete the party--the Mr. Molowny before alluded to, being unanimously voted present. The meal itself had but slightpretensions to elegance; there were neither vol au vents, nor croquettes;neither were there poulets aux truffes, nor cotelletes a la soubise butin their place stood a lordly fish of some five-and-twenty pounds weight, a massive sirloin, with all the usual armament of fowls, ham, pigeon-pie, beef-steak, &c. Lying in rather a promiscuous order along either side ofthe table. The party were evidently disposed to be satisfied, and Iacknowledge, I did not prove an exception to the learned individualsabout me, either in my relish for the good things, or my appetite toenjoy them. Dulce est desipere in loco, says some one, by which Isuppose is meant, that a rather slang company is occasionally good fun. Whether from my taste for the "humanities" or not, I am unable to say, but certainly in my then humour, I should not have exchanged my positionfor one of much greater pretensions to elegance and ton. There was firsta general onslaught upon the viands, crashing of plates, jingling ofknives, mingling with requests for "more beef, " "the hard side of thesalmon, " or "another slice of ham. " Then came a dropping fire ofdrinking wine, which quickly increased, the decanters of sherry for aboutten minutes resting upon the table, about as long as Taglioni touchesthis mortal earth in one of her flying ballets. Acquaintances werequickly formed between the members of the bar and myself, and I foundthat my momentary popularity was likely to terminate in my downfall; for, as each introduction was followed by a bumper of strong sherry, I did notexpect to last till the end of the feast. The cloth at lengthdisappeared, and I was just thanking Providence for the respite fromhob-nobbing which I imagined was to follow, when a huge, square decanterof whiskey appeared, flanked by an enormous jug of boiling water, andrenewed preparations for drinking upon a large scale seriouslycommenced. It was just at this moment that I, for the first time, perceived the rather remarkable figure who had waited upon us at dinner, and who, while I chronicle so many things of little import, deserves aslight mention. He was a little old man of about fifty-five or sixtyyears, wearing upon his head a barrister's wig, and habited in clotheswhich originally had been the costume of a very large and bulky person, and which, consequently, added much to the drollery of his appearance. He had been, for forty years, the servant of Judge Vandeleur, and hadentered his present service rather in the light of a preceptor than amenial, invariably dictating to the worthy justice upon every occasionof etiquette or propriety, by a reference to what "the judge himself"did, which always sufficed to carry the day in Nicholas's favour, opposition to so correct a standard, never being thought of by thejustice. 

"That's Billy Crow's own whiskey, the 'small still, '" said Nicholas, placing the decanter upon the table, "make much of it, for there isn'tsuch dew in the county. "

With this commendation upon the liquor, Nicholas departed, and weproceeded to fill our glasses. 

I cannot venture--perhaps it is so much the better that I cannot--to giveany idea of the conversation which at once broke out, as if the barriersthat restrained it had at length given way. But law talk in all itsplenitude, followed; and for two hours I heard of nothing but writs, detainers, declarations, traverses in prox, and alibis, with sundry hintsfor qui tam processes, interspersed, occasionally, with sly jokes aboutpacking juries and confusing witnesses, among which figured the usualnumber of good things attributed to the Chief Baron O'Grady and the othersayers of smart sayings at the bar. 

"Ah!" said Mr. Daly, drawing a deep sigh at the same instant--"the bar issadly fallen off since I was called in the year seventy-six. There wasnot a leader in one of the circuits at that time that couldn't puzzleany jury that ever sat in a box; and as for driving through an act ofparliament, it was, as Sancho Panza says, cakes and gingerbread to them. And then, there is one especial talent lost for ever to the presentgeneration--just like stained glass and illuminated manuscripts, and slowpoisons and the like--that were all known years ago--I mean the beautifulart of addressing the judge before the jury, and not letting them knowyou were quizzing them, if ye liked to do that same. Poor Peter Purcellfor that--rest his ashes--he could cheat the devil himself, if he hadneed--and maybe he has had before now, Peter is sixteen years dead lastNovember. "

"And what was Peter's peculiar tact in that respect, Mr. Daly?" said I. 

"Oh, then I might try for hours to explain it to you in vain; butI'll just give you an instance that'll show you better than all mydissertations on the subject, and I was present myself when it happened, more by token, it was the first time I ever met him on circuit;--"

"I suppose there is scarcely any one here now, except myself, thatremembers the great cause of Mills versus Mulcahy, a widow and others, that was tried in Ennis, in the year '82. It's no matter if there isnot. Perhaps it may be more agreeable for me, for I can tell my story myown version, and not be interrupted. Well, that was called the oldrecord, for they tried it seventeen times. I believe, on my conscience, it killed old Jones, who was in the Common Pleas; he used to say, if heput it for trial on the day of judgment, one of the parties would be sureto lodge an appeal. Be that as it may, the Millses engaged Peterspecial, and brought him down with a great retainer, in a chaise andfour, flags flying, and favors in the postillions' hats, and a fiddler onthe roof playing the 'hare in the corn. ' The inn was illuminated thesame evening, and Peter made a speech from the windows upon the libertyof the press and religious freedom all over the globe, and there wasn't aman in the mob didn't cheer him, which was the more civil, because few ofthem knew a word of English, and the others thought he was a play-actor. But it all went off well, nevertheless, for Peter was a clever fellow;and although he liked money well, he liked popularity more, and he neverwent any where special that he hadn't a public meeting of some kind orother, either to abolish rents, or suppress parsons, or some such popularand beneficial scheme, which always made him a great favourite with thepeople, and got him plenty of clients. But I am wandering from therecord. Purcell came down, as I said before, special for Mills; and whenhe looked over his brief, and thought of the case, he determined to haveit tried by a gentlemen jury, for although he was a great man with themob, he liked the country gentlemen better in the jury box, for he wasalways coming out with quotations from the classics, which, whether thegrand jury understood or not, they always applauded very much. Well, when he came into court that morning, you may guess his surprise andmortification to find that the same jury that had tried a commonejectment case, were still in the box, and waiting, by the chiefjustice's direction, to try Mills versus Mulcahy, the great case of theassizes. 

"I hear they were a set of common clod-hopping wretches, with frize coatsand brogues, that no man could get round at all, for they were as cunningas foxes, and could tell blarney from good sense, rather better thanpeople with better coats on them. 

"Now, the moment that Mr. Purcell came into the court, after bowingpolitely to the judge, he looked up to the box, and when he saw the dirtyfaces of the dealers in pork and potatoes, and the unshaven chins of thesmall farmers, his heart fell within him, and he knew in a minute howlittle they'd care for the classics--if he quoted Caesar's Commentariesitself for them--ignorant creatures as they were!

"Well, the cause was called, and up gets Peter, and he began to'express', (as he always called it himself, ) 'the great distress hisclient and himself would labour under, if the patient and mostintelligent jury then on the panel should come to the consideration of sovery tedious a case as this promised to be, after their already mostfatiguing exertions;' he commented upon their absence from their wivesand families, their farms neglected, their crops hazarded, and in aboutfifteen minutes he showed them they were, if not speedily released andsent home, worse treated and harder used than many of the prisonerscondemned to three months imprisonment; and actually so far worked uponthe feelings of the chief himself, that he turned to the foreman of thejury, and said, 'that although it was a great deviation from his habitualpractice, if at this pressing season their prospects were involved to theextent the learned counsel had pictured, why then, that he would so farbend his practice on this occasion, and they should be dismissed. ' NowPeter, I must confess, here showed the most culpable ignorance in notknowing that a set of country fellows, put up in a jury box, would ratherlet every glade of corn rot in the ground, than give up what they alwayssupposed so very respectable an appointment; for they invariably imaginein these cases that they are something very like my lord the judge, 'barrin' the ermine;' besides, that on the present occasion, Peter'sargument in their favour decided them upon staying, for they now feltlike martyrs, and firmly believed that they were putting the chiefjustice under an obligation to them for life. 

"When, therefore, they heard the question of the court, it did not take amoment's time for the whole body to rise en masses and bowing to thejudge, call out, 'We'll stay, my lord, and try every mother's son of themfor you; ay, if it lasted till Christmas. 

"'I am sure, my lord, ' said Peter, collecting himself for an effort, 'Icannot sufficiently express my gratitude for the great sacrifice thesegifted and highly intelligent gentlemen are making in my client's behalf;for being persons who have great interests in the country at stake, theirconduct on the present occasion is the more praiseworthy; and I amcertain they fully appreciate, as does your lordship, the difficulty ofthe case before us, when documents will be submitted, requiring a certaindegree of acquaintance with such testimonials sufficiently to comprehend. Many of the title deeds, as your lordship is aware, being obtained underold abbey charters, are in the learned languages; and we all know howhome to our hearts and bosoms comes the beautiful line of the Greek poet'vacuus viator cantabit ante latronem. '" The sound of the quotationroused the chief justice, who had been in some measure inattentive to thepreceding part of the learned counsel's address, and he called out rathersharply, 'Greek! Mr. Purcell--why I must have mistaken--will you repeatthe passage?'

"'With pleasure, my lord. I was just observing to your lordship and thejury, with the eloquent poet Hergesius, 'vacuus viator cantabit antelatronem. '

"'Greek, did you call it?'

"'Yes, my lord, of course I did. '

"'Why, Mr. Purcell, you are quoting Latin to me--and what do you mean bytalking of the learned Hergesius, and Greek all this time?--the line isJuvenal's. '

"'My lord, with much submission to your lordship, and every deference toyour great attainments and very superior talents, let me still assure youthat I am quoting Greek, and that your lordship is in error. '

"'Mr. Purcell, I have only to remark, that if you are desirous of makinga jest of the court, you had better be cautious, I say, sir;' and herethe judge waxed exceeding wroth. 'I say the line is Latin--Latin, sir, Juvenal's Latin, sir--every schoolboy knows it. '

"'Of course, my lord, ' said Peter, with great humility, 'I bow myself tothe decision of your lordship; the line is, therefore, Latin. Yet I maybe permitted to hint that were your lordship disposed to submit thisquestion, as you are shortly about to do another and a similar one, tothose clear-sighted and intelligent gentlemen there, I am satisfied, mylord, it would be Greek to every man of them. '

"The look, the voice, and the peculiar emphasis with which Peter gavethese words, were perfectly successful. The acute judge anticipated thewish of the counsel--the jury were dismissed, and Peter proceeded to hiscase before those he knew better how to deal with, and with whom theresult was more certain to be as he wished it. "

To this anecdote of the counsellor, succeeded many others, of which, asthe whiskey was potent and the hour late, my memory is not overretentive: the party did not break up till near four o'clock; and eventhen, our seance only concluded, because some one gravely remarked "thatas we should be all actively engaged on the morrow, early hours wereadvisable. "

CHAPTER XIX. 

THE ASSIZE TOWN. 

I had not been above a week in my new quarters, when my servant presentedme, among my letters one morning, with a packet, which with considerablepains, I at length recognised to be directed to me. The entire envelopewas covered with writing in various hands, among which I detectedsomething which bore a faint resemblance to my name; but the addresswhich followed was perfectly unreadable, not only to me, as it appeared, but also to the "experts" of the different post-offices, for it had beenfollowed by sundry directions to try various places beginning with T, which seemed to be the letter commencing the "great unknown locality:"thus I read "try Tralee, " "try Tyrone, " "try Tanderagee, " &c. &c. Iwonder that they didn't add, "try Teheran, " and I suppose they would atlast, rather than abandon the pursuit. 

"But, Stubber, " said I, as I conned over the various addresses on thisincomprehensible cover, "are you sure this is for me?"

"The postmaster, sir, desired me to ask you if you'd have it, for he hasoffered it to every one down in these parts lately; the waterguardofficers will take it at 8d. Cir, if you won't, but I begged you mighthave the refusal. "

"Oh! very well; I am happy to find matters are managed so impartially inthe post-office here. Nothing like a public cant for making matters findtheir true level. Tell the postmaster, then, I'll keep the letter, andthe rather, as it happens, by good luck, to be intended for me. "

"And now for the interior, " said I, as I broke the seal and read:

 "Paris, Rue Castiglione. 

 "My dear Mr. Lorrequer--As her ladyship and my son have in vain essayed to get any thing from you in the shape of reply to their letters, it has devolved upon me to try my fortune, which were I to augur from the legibility of my writing, may not, I should fear, prove more successful than the"--(what can the word be?) "the--the" --why, it can't be damnable, surely?--no, it is amiable, I see --"than the amiable epistle of my lady. I cannot, however, permit myself to leave this without apprising you that we are about to start for Baden, where we purpose remaining a month or two. Your cousin Guy, who has been staying for some time with us, has been obliged to set out for Geneva, but hopes to join in some weeks hence. He is a great favourite with us all, but has not effaced the memory of our older friend, yourself. Could you not find means to come over and see us--if only a flying visit? Rotterdam is the route, and a few days would bring you to our quarters. Hoping that you may feel so disposed, I have enclosed herewith a letter to the Horse Guards, which I trust may facilitate your obtaining leave of absence. I know of no other mode of making your peace with the ladies, who are too highly incensed at your desertion to send one civil postscript to this letter; and Kilkee and myself are absolutely exhausted in our defence of you. Believe me, yours truly, "Callonby. "

Had I received an official notification of my being appointed paymasterto the forces, or chaplain to Chelsea hospital, I believe I should havereceived the information with less surprise than I perused this letter--that after the long interval which had elapsed, during which I hadconsidered myself totally forgotten by this family, I should now receivea letter--and such a letter, too--quite in the vein of our formerintimacy and good feeling, inviting me to their house, and againprofessing their willingness that I should be on the terms of our oldfamiliarity--was little short of wonderful to me. I read, too--with whatpleasure?--that slight mention of my cousin, whom I had so long regardedas my successful rival, but who I began now to hope had not beenpreferred to me. Perhaps it was not yet too late to think that all wasnot hopeless. It appeared, too, that several letters had been writtenwhich had never reached me; so, while I accused them of neglect andforgetfulness, I was really more amenable to the charge myself; for, fromthe moment I had heard of my cousin Guy's having been domesticatedamongst them, and the rumours of his marriage had reached me, I sufferedmy absurd jealousy to blind my reason, and never wrote another lineafter. I ought to have known how "bavarde" [boasting] Guy always was--that he never met with the most commonplace attentions any where, thathe did not immediately write home about settlements and pin-money, andportions for younger children, and all that sort of nonsense. Now I sawit all plainly, and ten thousand times quicker than my hopes wereextinguished before were they again kindled, and I could not refrainfrom regarding Lady Jane as a mirror of constancy, and myself the mostfortunate man in Europe. My old castle-building propensities came backupon me in an instant, and I pictured myself, with Lady Jane as mycompanion, wandering among the beautiful scenery of the Neckar, beneaththe lofty ruins of Heidelberg, or skimming the placid surface of theRhine, while, "mellowed by distance, " came the rich chorus of astudent's melody, filling the air with its flood of song. Howdelightful, I thought, to be reading the lyrics of Uhland, or Buerger, with one so capable of appreciating them, with all the hallowedassociations of the "Vaterland" about us! Yes, said I aloud, repeatingthe well-known line of a German "Lied"--

 "Bakranzt mit Laub, den lieben vollen Becher. "

"Upon my conscience, " said Mr. Daly, who had for some time past been insilent admiration of my stage-struck appearance--"upon my conscience, Mr. Lorrequer, I had no conception you knew Irish. "

The mighty talisman of the Counsellor's voice brought me back in a momentto a consciousness of where I was then standing, and the still morefortunate fact that I was only a subaltern in his majesty's __th--. 

"Why, my dear Counsellor, that was German I was quoting, not Irish. "

"With all my heart, " said Mr. Daly, breaking the top off his third egg--"with all my heart; I'd rather you'd talk it than me. Much conversationin that tongue, I'm thinking, would be mighty apt to loosen one's teeth. "

"Not at all, it is the most beautiful language in Europe, and the mostmusical too. Why, even for your own peculiar taste in such matters, where can you find any language so rich in Bacchanalian songs as German?"

"I'd rather hear the "Cruiskeen Lawn" or the "Jug of Punch" as my oldfriend Pat. Samson could sing them, than a score of your high Dutchjawbreakers. "

"Shame upon ye, Mr. Daly; and for pathos, for true feeling, where isthere anything equal to Schiller's ballads?"

"I don't think I've ever heard any of his; but if you will talk ofballads, " said the Counsellor, "give me old Mosey M'Garry's: what's finerthan"--and here began, with a most nasal twang and dolorous emphasis, tosing--

 "'And I stepp'd up unto her, An' I made a congee-- And I ax'd her, her pardon For the making so free. '

"And then the next verse, she says--

 "'Are you goin' to undo me, In this desert alone?'--

"There's a shake there. "

"For Heaven's sake, " I cried, "stop; when I spoke of ballads, I nevermeant such infernal stuff as that. "

"I'll not give up my knowledge of ballads to any man breathing, " said Mr. Daly; "and, with God's blessing, I'll sing you one this evening, afterdinner, that will give you a cramp in the stomach. "

An animated discussion upon lyrical poetry was here interrupted by asummons from our host to set out for the town. My party were, by thedesire of the magistracy, to be in readiness near the court-house, in theevent of any serious disturbance, which there existed but too much reasonto fear from the highly excited state of feeling on the subject of theapproaching trials. The soldiers were, under the guidance of Mr. Larkins, safely ensconced in a tan-yard; and I myself, having consignedthem for the present to a non-commissioned officer, was left at perfectliberty to dispose of my time and person as it might please me. 

While these arrangements were taking place, I had entirely lost sight ofMr. Daly, under whose guidance and protection I trusted to obtain a placewithin the bar to hear the trials; so that I was now perfectly alone, formy host's numerous avocations entirely precluded any thought of myputting myself under his care. 

My first object was to reach the court-house, and there could be littledifficulty in finding it, for the throng of persons in the street wereall eagerly bending their way thither. I accordingly followed with thestream, and soon found myself among an enormous multitude of frize-coatedand red-cloaked people, of both sexes, in a large open square, whichformed the market-place, one side of which was flanked by thecourt-house--for as such I immediately recognized a massive-looking greystone building--in which the numerous windows, all open and filled withpeople, exhaled a continued steam from the crowded atmosphere within. To approach it was perfectly impossible: for the square was packed soclosely, that as the people approached, by the various streets, theywere obliged to stand in the avenues leading to it, and regard what wasgoing on from a distance. Of this large multitude I soon became one, hoping that at length some fortunate opportunity might enable me toobtain admission through some of my legal acquaintances. 

That the fate of those who were then upon their trial for their livesabsorbed the entire feelings of those without, a momentary glance at thehundreds of anxious and care-worn faces in the crowd, would completelysatisfy. Motionless and silent they stood: they felt no fatigue--no wantof food or refreshment--their interest was one and undivided--all theirhopes and fears were centered in the events then passing at a shortdistance from them, but to which their ignorance imparted an additionaland more painful excitement--the only information of how matters weregoing on being by an occasional word, sometimes a mere gesture from someone stationed in the windows to a friend in the crowd. 

When the contemplation of this singularly impressive scene was beginningto weary from the irksomeness of my position, I thought of retiring: butsoon discovered how impossible was such a step. The crowd had blocked upso completely all the avenues of approach, that even had I succeeded ingetting from the market-place, it would be only to remain firmly impactedamong the mob in the street. 

It now also occurred to me, that although I had been assured by Larkinsno call could possibly be made upon my services or those of my party, till after the trial, yet, were that to conclude at any moment, I shouldbe perfectly unable to regain the place where I had stationed them, andthe most serious consequences might ensue from the absence of theirofficer, if the men were required to act. 

From the time this thought took possession of me, I became excessivelyuncomfortable. Every expression of the people that denoted the progressof the trial, only alarmed me for the conclusion, which I supposed, mightnot be distant, and I began, with all my ingenuity, to attempt myretreat, which, after half an hour's severe struggle, I completelyabandoned, finding myself scarcely ten yards from where I started. 

At length, the counsel for the crown, who had been speaking to evidence, ceased; and an indistinct murmur was heard through the court-house, whichwas soon repressed by the voice of the crier calling "silence. " All nowseemed still and silent as the grave--yet, on listening attentively, forsome time, you could catch the low tones of a voice speaking, as itappeared, with great deliberation and slowness. This was the judgeaddressing the jury. In a short time this also ceased; and, for abouthalf an hour, the silence was perfectly unbroken, and both within andwithout there reigned one intense and aching sense of anxiety thatabsorbed every feeling, and imparted to every face an expression ofalmost agonizing uncertainty. It was, indeed, a space well calculated toexcite such emotions. The jury had retired to deliberate upon theirverdict. At length a door was heard to open, and the footsteps of thejury, as they resumed their places, sounded through the court, and wereheard by those without. How heavily upon many a stout heart thosefootsteps fell! They had taken their seats--then came another pause--after which the monotonous tones of the clerk of the court were heard, addressing the jury for their verdict. As the foreman rises every ear isbent--every eye strained--every heart-string vibrates: his lips move, buthe is not heard; he is desired by the judge to speak louder; the colourmounts to his before bloodless face; he appears to labour for a fewseconds with a mighty effort, and, at last, pronounces the words, "Guilty, my Lord--all guilty!"

I have heard the wild war-whoop of the red Indian, as, in his own pineforest, he has unexpectedly come upon the track of his foe, and thealmost extinguished hope of vengeance has been kindled again in his cruelheart--I have listened to the scarcely less savage hurra of a stormingparty, as they have surmounted the crumbling ruins of a breach, anddevoted to fire and sword, with that one yell, all who await them--andonce in my life it has been my fortune to have heard the last yell ofdefiance from a pirate crew, as they sunk beneath the raking fire of afrigate, rather than surrender, and went down with a cheer of defiancethat rose even above the red artillery that destroyed but could notsubdue them;--but never, in any or all of these awful moments, did myheart vibrate to such sounds as rent the air when the fatal "Guilty" washeard by those within, and repeated to those without. It was not grief--it was not despair--neither was it the cry of sharp and irrepressibleanguish, from a suddenly blighted hope--but it was the long pent-up andcarefully-concealed burst of feeling which called aloud for vengeance--red and reeking revenge upon all who had been instrumental in thesentence then delivered. It ceased, and I looked towards thecourt-house, expecting that an immediate and desperate attack upon thebuilding and those whom it contained would at once take place. Butnothing of the kind ensued; the mob were already beginning to disperse, and before I recovered perfectly from the excitement of these few andterrible moments, the square was nearly empty, and I almost felt as ifthe wild and frantic denunciation that still rang through my ears, hadbeen conjured up by a heated and fevered imagination. 

When I again met our party at the dinner table, I could not help feelingsurprised on perceiving how little they sympathized in my feeling for theevents of the day; which, indeed, they only alluded to in a professionalpoint of view--criticising the speeches of the counsel on both sides, andthe character of the different witnesses who were examined. 

"Well, " said Mr. Daly, addressing our host, "you never could have had aconviction to-day if it wasn't for Mike. He's the best evidence I everheard. I'd like to know very much how you ever got so clever a fellowcompletely in your clutches?"

"By a mere accident, and very simply, " replied the justice. "It was uponone of our most crowded fair days--half the county was in town, when theinformation arrived that the Walshes were murdered the night before, atthe cross-roads above Telenamuck mills. The news reached me as I wassigning some tithe warrants, one of which was against Mickey. I sent forhim into the office, knowing that as he was in the secret of all the evildoings, I might as well pretend to do him a service, and offer to stopthe warrant, out of kindness as it were. Well, one way or another, hewas kept waiting for several hours while I was engaged in writing, andall the country people, as they passed the window, could look in and seeMickey Sheehan standing before me, while I was employed busily writingletters. It was just at this time, that a mounted policeman rode in withthe account of the murder; upon which I immediately issued a warrant toarrest the two MacNeills and Owen Shirley upon suspicion. I thought Isaw Mike turn pale, as I said the names over to the serjeant of police, and I at once determined to turn it to account; so I immediately begantalking to Mickey about his own affairs, breaking off, every now andthen, to give some directions about the men to be captured. The crowdoutside was increasing every instant, and you need not have looked attheir faces twice, to perceive that they had regarded Mickey as anapprover; and the same night that saw the MacNeills in custody, witnessedthe burning of Sheehan's house and haggart, and he only escaped by amiracle over to Curryglass, where, once under my protection, with theimputation upon his character of having turned King's evidence, I hadlittle trouble in persuading him that he might as well benefit by thereport as enjoy the name without the gain. He soon complied, and theconvictions of this day are partly the result. "

When the applause which greeted this clever stroke of our host hadsubsided, I enquired what results might, in all likelihood, follow theproceedings of which I had that day been a witness?

"Nothing will be done immediately, " replied the justice, "because wehave a large force of police and military about us; but let either, orunhappily both, be withdrawn, and the cry you heard given in themarket-place to-day will be the death-wail for more than one of thosewho are well and hearty at this moment. "

The train of thought inevitably forced upon me by all I had been aspectator of during the day, but little disposed me to be a partaker inthe mirth and conviviality which, as usual, formed the staple of theassize dinners of Mr. Larkins; and I accordingly took an earlyopportunity to quit the company and retire for the night. 

CHAPTER XX. 

A DAY IN DUBLIN. 

On the third day of my residence at Curryglass, arrived my friend, Mortimer, to replace me, bringing my leave from the colonel, and a mosthandsome letter, in which he again glanced at the prospect before me inthe Callonby family, and hinted at my destination, which I had notalluded to, adding, that if I made the pretence of study in Germany thereason for my application at the Horse Guards, I should be almost certainto obtain a six months' leave. With what spirits I ordered Stubber topack up my portmanteau, and secure our places in the Dublin mail for thatnight, while I myself hurried to take leave of my kind entertainer andhis guests, as well as to recommend to their favor and attention myexcellent friend Mortimer, who, being a jovial fellow, not at all inlove, was a happy exchange for me, who, despite Daly's capital stories, had spent the last two days in watching the high road for my successor'sarrival. 

Once more then, I bade adieu to Curryglass and its hospitable owner, whose labours for "justice to Ireland" I shall long remember, anddepositing myself in the bowels of his majesty's mail, gave way to thefull current of my hopes and imaginings, which at last ended in a soundand refreshing sleep, from which I only awoke as we drew up at the doorof the Hibernian, in Dawson-street. 

Even at that early hour there was considerable bustle and activity ofpreparation, which I was at some loss to account for, till informed bythe waiter that there were upwards of three hundred strangers in thehouse, it being the day of his majesty's expected arrival on his visit toIreland, and a very considerable section of the county Galway being atthat moment, with their wives and families, installed, for the occasion, in this, their favourite hotel. 

Although I had been reading of this approaching event every day for thelast three months, I could not help feeling surprised at the intenseappearance of excitement it occasioned, and, in the few minutes'conversation I held with the waiter, learned the total impossibility ofprocuring a lodging anywhere, and that I could not have a bed, even wereI to offer five guineas for it. Having, therefore, no inclination forsleep, even upon easier terms, I ordered my breakfast to be ready at ten, and set out upon a stroll through the town. I could not help, in myshort ramble through the streets, perceiving how admirably adapted werethe worthy Dublinites for all the honors that awaited them; garlands offlowers, transparencies, flags, and the other insignia of rejoicing, wereeverywhere in preparation, and, at the end of Sackville-street, aconsiderable erection, very much resembling an impromptu gallows, wasbeing built, for the purpose, as I afterwards learnt, of giving theworshipful the lord mayor the opportunity of opening the city gates toroyalty; creating the obstacle where none existed; being a very ingeniousconceit, and considerably Irish into the bargain. I could not helpfeeling some desire to witness how all should go off, to use thetheatrical phrase; but, in my anxiety to get on to the continent, I at once abandoned every thought of delay. When I returned to thecoffee-room of my hotel, I found it crowded to excess; every littletable, originally destined for the accommodation of one, having at leasttwo, and sometimes three occupants. In my hurried glance round theroom, to decide where I should place myself, I was considerably struckwith the appearance of a stout elderly gentleman, with red whiskers, anda high, bald forehead; he had, although the day was an oppressively hotone, three waistcoats on, and by the brown York tan of his long toppedboots, evinced a very considerable contempt either for weather orfashion; in the quick glance of his sharp grey eye, I read that helistened half doubtingly to the narrative of his companion, whose backwas turned towards me, but who appeared, from the occasional words whichreached me, to be giving a rather marvellous and melodramatic version ofthe expected pleasures of the capital. There was something in the toneof the speaker's voice that I thought I recognised; I accordingly drewnear, and what was my surprise to discover my friend Tom O'Flaherty. After our first salutation was over, Tom presented me to his friend, Mr. Burke, of somewhere, who, he continued to inform me, in a stage whisper, was a "regular dust, " and never in Dublin in his life before. 

"And so, you say, sir, that his majesty cannot enter without thepermission of the lord mayor?"

"And the aldermen, too, " replied Tom. "It is an old feudal ceremony;when his majesty comes up to the gate, he demands admission, and the lordmayor refuses, because he would be thus surrendering his greatprerogative of head of the city; then the aldermen get about him, andcajole him, and by degrees he's won over by the promise of beingknighted, and the king gains the day, and enters. "

"Upon my conscience, a mighty ridiculous ceremony it is, after all, " saidMr. Burke, "and very like a bargain for sheep in Ballinasloe fair, whenthe buyer and seller appear to be going to fight, till a mutual friendsettles the bargain between them. "

At this moment, Mr. Burke suddenly sprung from his chair, which wasnearest the window, to look out; I accordingly followed his example, andbeheld a rather ludicrous procession, if such it could be called, consisting of so few persons. The principal individual in the group wasa florid, fat, happy-looking gentleman of about fifty, with a profusionof nearly white whiskers, which met at his chin, mounted upon a sleekcharger, whose half-ambling, half-prancing pace, had evidently beenacquired by long habit of going in procession; this august figure washabited in a scarlet coat and cocked hat, having aiguillettes, and allthe other appanage of a general officer; he also wore tight buckskinbreeches, and high jack-boots, like those of the Blues and Horse Guards;as he looked from side to side, with a self-satisfied contented air, heappeared quite insensible of the cortege which followed and preceded him;the latter, consisting of some score of half-ragged boys, yelling andshouting with all their might, and the former, being a kind of instalmentin hand of the Dublin Militia Band, and who, in numbers and equipment, closely resembled the "army which accompanies the first appearance ofBombastes. " The only difference, that these I speak of did not play "theRogue's March, " which might have perhaps appeared personal. 

As this goodly procession advanced, Mr. Burke's eyes became riveted uponit; it was the first wonder he had yet beheld, and he devoured it. "MayI ask, sir, " said he, at length, "who that is?"

"Who that is!" said Tom, surveying him leisurely as he spoke; "why, surely, sir, you must be jesting, or you would not ask such a question;I trust, indeed, every one knows who he is. Eh, Harry, " said he, lookingat me for a confirmation of what he said, and to which, of course, Iassented by a look. 

"Well, but, my dear Mr. O'Flaherty, you forget how ignorant I am of everything here--"

"Ah, true, " said Tom, interrupting; "I forgot you never saw him before. "

"And who is he, sir?"

"Why, that's the Duke of Wellington. "

"Lord have mercy upon me, is it?" said Mr. Burke, as he upset the table, and all its breakfast equipage, and rushed through the coffee-room likeone possessed. Before I could half recover from the fit of laughing thisevent threw me into, I heard him as he ran full speed down Dawson-street, waving his hat, and shouting out at the top of his lungs, "God bless yourgrace--Long life to your grace--Hurra for the hero of Waterloo; the greatcaptain of the age, " &c. &c. ; which I grieve to say, for the ingratitudeof the individual lauded, seemed not to afford him half the pleasure, andnone of the amusement it did the mob, who reechoed the shouts andcheering till he was hid within the precincts of the Mansion House. 

"And, now, " said Tom to me, "finish your breakfast as fast as possible;for, when Burke comes back he will be boring me to dine with him, or somesuch thing, as a kind of acknowledgment of his gratitude for showing himthe Duke. Do you know he has seen more wonders through my poorinstrumentality, within the last three days in Dublin than a six months'trip to the continent would show most men. I have made him believe thatBurke Bethel is Lord Brougham, and I am about to bring him to a soiree atMi-Ladi's, who he supposes to be the Marchioness of Conyngham. Aproposto the Bellissima, let me tell you of a 'good hit' I was witness to a fewnights since; you know, perhaps, old Sir Charles Giesecke, eh?"

"I have seen him once, I think--the professor of mineralogy. "

"Well, poor old Sir Charles, one of the most modest and retiring men inexistence, was standing the other night among the mob, in one of thedrawing-rooms, while a waltzing-party were figuring away, at which, withthat fondness for 'la danse' that characterizes every German of any age, he was looking with much interest, when my lady came tripping up, and thefollowing short dialogue ensued within my ear-shot:--"

"Ah, mon cher, Sir Charles, ravi de vous voir. But why are you notdancing?"

"Ah, mi ladi, Je ne puis pas, c'est a dire, Ich kann es nicht; I am tooold; Ich bin--"

"Oh, you horrid man; I understand you perfectly. You hate ladies, thatis the real reason. You do--you know you do. "

"Ah, my ladi, Gnaedige frau; glauben sie mir; I do loave de ladies; I doadore de sex. Do you know, my ladi, when I was in Greenland I did keepfour womans. "

"Oh, shocking, horrid, vile Sir Charles, how could you tell me such astory? I shall die of it. "

"Ah, mine Gott, mi ladi; sie irren sich, vous, vous trompez. You arequite in mistake; it was only to row my boat!"

"I leave you to guess how my lady's taste for the broad-side of thestory, and poor Sir Charles's vindication of himself, in regard to hisestimation of 'le beau sexe, ' amused all who heard it; as for me, I hadto leave the room, half-choked with suppressed laughter. And, now, letus bolt, for I see Burke coming, and, upon my soul I am tired of tellinghim lies, and must rest on my oars for a few hours at least. "

"But where is the necessity for so doing?" said I, "surely, where thereis so much of novelty as a large city presents to a visitor for the firsttime, there is little occasion to draw upon imagination for your facts. "

"Ah, my dear Harry, how little do you know of life; there is a kind ofman whose appetite for the marvellous is such, that he must be crammedwith miracles or he dies of inanition, and you might as well attempt tofeed a tiger upon pate de foie gras, as satisfy him by mere nakedunvarnished truth. I'll just give you an easy illustration; you saw hisdelight this morning when the 'Duke' rode past; well I'll tell you theconverse of that proposition now. The night before last, having nothingbetter to do, we went to the theatre; the piece was 'La Perouse, ' whichthey have been playing here for the last two months to crowded houses, toexhibit some North American Indians whom some theatrical speculatorbrought over 'expres', in all the horrors of fur, wampum, and yellowochre. Finding the 'spectacle' rather uninteresting I leaned back in mybox, and fell into a doze. Meanwhile, my inquiring friend, Mr. Burke, who felt naturally anxious, as he always does, to get au fond at matters, left his place to obtain information about the piece, the audience, and, above all, the authenticity of the Indians, who certainly astonished himconsiderably. 

"Now it so happened that about a fortnight previously some violentpassion to return home to their own country had seized these interestingindividuals, and they felt the most irresistible longing to abandon thesavage and unnatural condiments of roast beef and Guinness's porter, andresume their ancient and more civilized habits of life. In fact, likethe old African lady, mentioned by the missionary at the Cape, they feltthey could die happy if they 'could only once more have a roast child forsupper, ' and as such luxuries are dear in this country, stay another weekthey would not, whatever the consequences might be; the manager reasoned, begged, implored and threatened, by turns; all would not do, go they weredetermined, and all that the unfortunate proprietor could accomplish was, to make a purchase of their properties in fur, belts, bows, arrows, andfeathers, and get them away quietly, without the public being the wiser. The piece was too profitable a one to abandon, so he looked aboutanxiously, to supply the deficiency in his corps dramatique. For severaldays nothing presented itself to his thoughts, and the public werebecoming more clamorous for the repetition of a drama which had greatlydelighted them. What was to be done? In a mood of doubt and uncertaintythe wretched manager was taking his accustomed walk upon the light-housepier, while a number of unfortunate country fellows, bare legged andlanky, with hay ropes fastening their old grey coats around them, werestanding beside a packet about to take their departure for England, forthe harvest. Their uncouth appearance, their wild looks, their violentgestures, and, above all, their strange and guttural language, for theywere all speaking Irish, attracted the attention of the manager; theeffect, to his professional eye was good, the thought struck him at once. Here were the very fellows he wanted. It was scarcely necessary to alterany thing about them, they were ready made to his hand, and in manyrespects better savages than their prototypes. Through the mediation ofsome whiskey, the appropriate liquor in all treaties of this nature, abargain was readily struck, and in two hours more, 'these forty thieves'were rehearsing upon the classic boards of our theatre, and once more, LaPerouse, in all the glory of red capital letters, shone forth in themorning advertisements. The run of the piece continued unabated; theIndians were the rage; nothing else was thought or spoken of in Dublin, and already the benefit of Ashewaballagh Ho was announced, who, by theby, was a little fellow from Martin's estate in Connemara, and one of thedrollest dogs I ever heard of. Well, it so happened that it was upon oneof their nights of performing that I found myself, with Mr. Burke, aspectator of their proceedings; I had fallen into an easy slumber, whilea dreadful row in the box lobby roused me from my dream, and the loud cryof 'turn him out, ' 'pitch him over, ' 'beat his brains out, ' and otherhumane proposals of the like nature, effectually restored me toconsciousness; I rushed out of the box into the lobby, and there, to myastonishment, in the midst of a considerable crowd, beheld my friend, Mr. Burke, belaboring the box-keeper with all his might with a cottonumbrella of rather unpleasant proportions, accompanying each blow with anexclamation of 'well, are they Connaughtmen, now, you rascal, eh? arethey all west of Athlone, tell me that, no? I wonder what's preventingme beating the soul out of ye. ' After obtaining a short cessation ofhostilities, and restoring poor Sharkey to his legs, much more dead thanalive from pure fright, I learned, at last, the teterrima causa belli. Mr. Burke, it seems, had entered into conversation with Sharkey, thebox-keeper, as to all the particulars of the theatre, and the presentpiece, but especially as to the real and authentic history of theIndians, whose language he remarked, in many respects to resemble Irish. Poor Sharkey, whose benefit-night was approaching, thought he mightsecure a friend for life, by imparting to him an important state secret;and when, therefore, pressed rather closely as to the 'savages'whereabout' resolved to try a bold stroke, and trust his unknowninterrogator. 'And so you don't really know where they come from, norcan't guess?' 'Maybe, Peru, ' said Mr. Burke, innocently. 'Try again, sir, ' said Sharkey, with a knowing grin. 'Is it Behring's Straits?'said Mr. Burke. 'What do you think of Galway, sir?' said Sharkey, witha leer intended to cement a friendship for life; the words were nosooner out of his lips, than Burke, who immediately took them as a pieceof direct insolence to himself and his country, felled him to the earth, and was in the act of continuing the discipline when I arrived on thefield of battle. "

CHAPTER XXI. 

A NIGHT AT HOWTH. 

"And must you really leave us so soon, " said Tom as we issued forth intothe street; "why I was just planning a whole week's adventure for you. Town is so full of all kinds of idle people, I think I could manage tomake your time pass pleasantly enough. "

"Of that, " I replied, "I have little doubt; but for the reasons I havejust mentioned, it is absolutely necessary that I should not lose amoment; and after arranging a few things here, I shall start to-morrow bythe earliest packet, and hasten up to London at once. "

"By Jupiter, " said Tom, "how lucky. I just remember something, whichcomes admirably apropos. You are going to Paris--is it not so?"

"Yes, direct to Paris. "

"Nothing could be better. There is a particularly nice person, a greatfriend of mine, Mrs. Bingham, waiting for several days in hopes of achaperon to take care of herself and daughter--a lovely girl, onlynineteen, you wretch--to London, en route to the continent: the mammaa delightful woman, and a widow, with a very satisfactory jointure--youunderstand--but the daughter, a regular downright beauty, and a ward inchancery, with how many thousand pounds I am afraid to trust myself tosay. You must know then they are the Binghams of--, upon my soul, Iforget where; but highly respectable. "

"I regret I have not the pleasure of their acquaintance, and the morebecause I shall not be able to make it now. "

"As why?" said Tom gravely. 

"Because, in the first place, I am so confoundedly pressed for time thatI could not possibly delay under any contingency that might arise; andyour fair friends are, doubtless, not so eagerly determined upontravelling night and day till they reach Paris. Secondly, to speakcandidly, with my present hopes and fears weighing upon my mind, I shouldnot be the most agreeable travelling companion to two ladies with suchpretensions as you speak of; and thirdly, --"

"Confound your thirdly. I suppose we shall have sixteenthly, like aPresbyterian minister's sermon, if I let you go on. Why, they'll notdelay you one hour. Mrs. Bingham, man, cares as little for the road asyourself; and as for your petits soins, I suppose if you get the fairladies through the Custom-House, and see them safe in a London hotel, it is all will be required at your hands. "

"Notwithstanding all you say, I see the downright impossibility of mytaking such a charge at this moment, when my own affairs require all thelittle attention I can bestow; and when, were I once involved with yourfair friends, it might be completely out of my power to prosecute my ownplans. "

As I said this, we reached the door of a handsome looking house inKildare-street; upon which Tom left my arm, and informing me that hedesired to drop a card, knocked loudly. 

"Is Mrs. Bingham at home, " said he, as the servant opened the door. 

"No sir, she's out in the carriage. "

"Well, you see Harry, your ill luck befriends you; for I was resolved onpresenting you to my friends and leaving the rest to its merits. "

"I can safely assure you that I should not have gone up stairs, " said I. "Little as I know of myself, there is one point of my character I havenever been deceived in, the fatal facility by which every new incidentor adventure can turn me from following up my best matured and longestdigested plans; and as I feel this weakness and cannot correct it; thenext best thing I can do is fly the causes. "

"Upon my soul, " said Tom, "you have become quite a philosopher since wemet. There is an old adage which says, 'no king is ever thoroughlygracious if he has not passed a year or two in dethronement;' so Ibelieve your regular lady-killer--yourself for instance--becomes a veryquiet animal for being occasionally jilted. But now, as you have somecommissions to do, pray get done with them as fast as possible, and letus meet at dinner. Where do you dine to-day?"

"Why, upon that point, I am at your service completely. "

"Well, then, I have got a plan which I think will suit you. You said youwished to go by Holyhead, for fear of delay; so, we'll drive down at sixo'clock to Skinner's and dine with him on board the packet at Howth. Bring your luggage with you, and it will save you a vast deal of fuss andtrouble in the morning. "

Nothing could be better management for me than this, so I accordinglypromised acquiescence; and having appointed a rendezvous for six o'clock, bade O'Flaherty good by, inwardly rejoicing that my plans were so farforwarded, and that I was not to be embarrassed with either Mrs. Binghamor her daughter, for whose acquaintance or society I had no peculiarambition. 

My commissions, though not very numerous, occupied the few hours whichremained, and it was already a few minutes past six o'clock when I tookmy stand under the piazza of the Post Office to wait for O'Flaherty. Ihad not long to do so, for immediately after I had reached the spot, hearrived in an open barouche and four posters, with three other young men, to whom he severally introduced me, but whose names I have totallyforgotten; I only remember that two of the party were military men thenquartered in town. 

When I had taken my seat, I could not help whispering to Tom, thatalthough his friend Skinner might be "bon" for a visitation or two at hisdinner, yet as we were now so strong a party, it might be as well to dineat the hotel. 

"Oh, " said he, "I have arranged all that; I have sent him a specialmessenger two hours since, and so make your mind easy--we shall not bedisappointed, nor be short-taken. "

Our drive, although a long one, passed quickly over, and before we hadreached our destination, I had become tolerably intimate with all theparty, who were evidently picked men, selected by O'Flaherty for apleasant evening. 

We drove along the pier to the wharf, where the steamer lay, and werereceived at once by Tom's friend with all the warm welcome andhospitality of a sailor, united with the address and polish of a veryfinished gentleman. As we descended the companion-ladder to the cabin, my mind became speedily divested of any fears I might have indulged in, as to the want of preparation of our entertainer. The table was coveredwith all the appanage of handsome plate and cut glass, while theside-tables glittered with a magnificent dessert, and two largewine-coolers presented an array of champagne necks shining with theirleaden cravats that would have tempted an anchorite. 

I remember very little else of that evening than the coup d'oeil I havementioned; besides, were my memory more retentive, I might scruple totrespass farther on my reader's patience, by the detail of thosepleasures, which, like love-letters, however agreeable to the partiesimmediately concerned, are very unedifying to all others. I do remember, certainly, that good stories and capital songs succeeded each other witha rapidity only to be equalled by the popping of corks; and have also avery vague and indistinct recollection of a dance round the table, evidently to finish a chorus, but which, it appears, finished me too, forI saw no more that night. 

How many men have commemorated the waking sensations of their fellow-men, after a night's debauch; yet at the same time, I am not aware of any onehaving perfectly conveyed even a passing likeness to the mingled throngof sensations which crowd one's brain on such an occasion. The doubt ofwhat has passed, by degrees yielding to the half-consciousness of thetruth, the feeling of shame, inseparable except to the habituallyhard-goer, for the events thus dimly pictured, the racking headache andintense thirst, with the horror of the potation recently indulged in: therecurring sense of the fun or drollery of a story or an incident whichprovokes us again to laugh despite the jarring of our brain from theshaking. All this and more most men have felt, and happy are they whentheir waking thoughts are limited to such, at such times as these--thematter becomes considerably worse, when the following morning calls forsome considerable exertion, for which even in your best and calmestmoments, you only find yourself equal. 

It is truly unpleasant, on rubbing your eyes and opening your ears, todiscover that the great bell is ringing the half-hour before yourquarterly examination at college, while Locke, Lloyd, and Lucian aredancing a reel through your brain, little short of madness; scarcely lessagreeable is it, to learn that your friend Captain Wildfire is at thedoor in his cab, to accompany you to the Phoenix, to stand within twelvepaces of a cool gentleman who has been sitting with his arm in Eau deCologne for the last half-hour, that he may pick you out "artist-like. "There are, besides these, innumerable situations in which ourpreparations of the night would appear, as none of the wisest; but Iprefer going at once to my own, which, although considerably inferior indifficulty, was not without its own "desagremens. "

When I awoke, therefore, on board the "Fire-fly, " the morning after ourdinner-party, I was perfectly unable, by any mental process within myreach, to discover where I was. On ship-board I felt I must be--thenarrow berth--the gilded and panelled cabin which met my eye, through myhalf-open curtains, and that peculiar swelling motion inseparable from avessel in the water, all satisfied me of this fact. I looked about me, but could see no one to give me the least idea of my position. Could itbe that we were on our way out to Corfu, and that I had been ill for sometime past?

But this cabin had little resemblance to a transport; perhaps it might bea frigate--I knew not. Then again, were we sailing, or at anchor, forthe ship was nearly motionless; at this instant a tremendous noise likethunder crashed through my head, and for a moment I expected we hadexploded, and would be all blown up; but an instant after I discovered itmust be the escape of the steam, and that I was on board a packet ship. Here, then, was some clue to my situation, and one which would probablyhave elicited all in due season; but just at this moment a voice on decksaved me from any further calculations. Two persons were conversingwhose voices were not altogether unknown to me, but why I knew not. 

"Then, Captain, I suppose you consider this as an excellent passage. "

"Yes, of course I do, " replied the captain, "it's only five hours sincewe left Howth, and now you see we are nearly in; if we have this run ofthe tide we shall reach the Head before twelve o'clock. "

"Ha! ha!" said I to myself, "now I begin to learn something. So we havecrossed the channel while I was sleeping--not the least agreeable thingfor a man to hear who suffers martyrdom from sea sickness--but let melisten again. "

"And that large mountain there--is that Snowdon?"

"No. You cannot see Snowdon; there is too much mist about it; thatmountain is Capel Carrig; and there that bold bluff to the eastward, thatis Penmen Mawr. "

"Come, there is no time to be lost, " thought I; so springing out of myberth, accoutred as I was, in merely trowsers and slippers, with a redhandkerchief fastened night-cap fashion round my head, I took my waythrough the cabin. 

My first thought on getting upon my legs was how tremendously the vesselpitched, which I had not remarked while in my berth, but now I couldscarce keep myself from falling at every step. I was just about to callthe steward, when I again heard the voices on deck. 

"You have but few passengers this trip. "

"I think only yourself and a Captain Lorrequer, " replied the captain, "who, by-the-by, is losing all this fine coast, which is certainly agreat pity. "

"He shall not do so much longer, " thought I; "for as I find that there areno other passengers, I'll make my toilet on deck, and enjoy the viewbesides. " With this determination I ascended slowly and cautiously thecompanion ladder, and stepped out upon the deck; but scarcely had I doneso, when a roar of the loudest laughter made me turn my head towards thepoop, and there to my horror of horrors, I beheld Tom O'Flaherty seatedbetween two ladies, whose most vociferous mirth I soon perceived waselicited at my expense. 

All the party of the preceding night were also there, and as I turnedfrom their grinning faces to the land, I saw, to my shame and confusion, that we were still lying beside the pier at Howth; while the band-boxes, trunks, and imperials of new arrivals were incessantly pouring in, astravelling carriages kept driving up to the place of embarkation. Istood perfectly astounded and bewildered--shame for my ridiculous costumewould have made me fly at any other time--but there I remained to belaughed at patiently, while that villain O'Flaherty leading me passivelyforward, introduced me to his friends--"Mrs. Bingham, Mr. Lorrequer; Mr. Lorrequer, Miss Bingham. Don't be prepossessed against him, ladies, forwhen not in love, and properly dressed, he is a marvellously well-lookingyoung gentleman; and as--"

What the remainder of the sentence might be, I knew not, for I rusheddown into the cabin, and locking the door, never opened it till I couldperceive from the stern windows that we were really off on our way toEngland, and recognized once more the laughing face of O'Flaherty, who, as he waved his hat to his friends from the pier, reminded them that"they were under the care and protection of his friend Lorrequer, who, hetrusted, would condescend to increase his wearing apparel under thecircumstances. "

CHAPTER XXII. 

THE JOURNEY. 

When I did at last venture upon deck, it was with a costume studiouslyaccurate, and as much of manner as I could possibly muster, to endeavourat once to erase the unfortunate impression of my first appearance; this, however, was not destined to be a perfectly successful manoeuvre, and Iwas obliged after a few minutes to join the laugh, which I found couldnot be repressed, at my expense. One good result certainly followed fromall this. I became almost immediately on intimate terms with Mrs. Bingham and her daughter, and much of the awkwardness in my position astheir chaperon, which bon gre, mal gre I was destined to be, was at oncegot over. Mrs. Bingham herself was of that "genre" of widow which comesunder the "fat, fair, and forty" category, with a never-ceasing flow ofhigh, almost boisterous, spirits--an excellent temper, good health--and a well-stocked purse. Life to her was like a game of her favourite"speculation. " When, as she believed, the "company honest, " and knew hercards trumps, she was tolerably easy for the result. She likedKingstown--she liked short whist--she liked the military--she liked "thejunior bar, " of which she knew a good number--she had a well furnishedhouse in Kildare-street--and a well cushioned pew in St. Anne's--she wasa favourite at the castle--and Dr. Labatt "knew her constitution. " Why, with all these advantages, she should ever have thought of leaving the"happy valley" of her native city, it was somewhat hard to guess. Was itthat thoughts of matrimony, which the continent held out more prospectfor, had invaded the fair widow's heart? was it that the alteredcondition to which politics had greatly reduced Dublin, had effected thischange of opinion? or was it like that indescribable longing for theunknown something, which we read of in the pathetic history of the fairlady celebrated, I believe, by Petrarch, but I quote from memory:

 "Mrs. Gill is very ill, Nothing can improve her, But to see the Tuillerie, And waddle through the Louvre. "

None of these, I believe, however good and valid reasons in themselves, were the moving powers upon the present occasion; the all-sufficient onebeing that Mrs. Bingham had a daughter. Now Miss Bingham was Dublin too--but Dublin of a later edition--and a finer, more hot-pressed copy thanher mamma. She had been educated at Mrs. Somebody's seminary inMountjoy-square--had been taught to dance by Montague--and had learnedFrench from a Swiss governess--with a number of similar advantages--a very pretty figure--dark eyes--long eye-lashes and a dimple--and last, but of course least, the deserved reputation of a large fortune. She hadmade a most successful debut in the Dublin world, where she was muchadmired and flattered, and which soon suggested to her quick mind, as ithas often done in similar cases to a young provincial debutante, not towaste her "fraicheur" upon the minor theatres, but at once to appear uponthe "great boards;" so far evidencing a higher flight of imaginationand enterprise than is usually found among the clique of her earlyassociates, who may be characterized as that school of young ladies, who like the "Corsair" and Dunleary, and say, "ah don't!"

She possessed much more common sense than her mamma, and promised underproper advantages to become speedily quite sufficiently acquainted withthe world and its habitudes. In the meanwhile, I perceived that she rana very considerable risque of being carried off by some mustachoed Pole, with a name like a sneeze, who might pretend to enjoy the entree into thefashionable circles of the continent. 

Very little study of my two fair friends enabled me to see thus much; andvery little "usage" sufficed to render me speedily intimate with both;the easy bonhommie of the mamma, who had a very methodisticalappreciation of what the "connexion" call "creature comforts, " amused memuch, and opened one ready path to her good graces by the opportunityafforded of getting up a luncheon of veal cutlets and London porter, ofwhich I partook, not a little to the evident loss of the fair daughter'sesteem. 

While, therefore, I made the tour of the steward's cell in search ofHarvey's sauce, I brushed up my memory of the Corsair and Childe Harold, and alternately discussed Stilton and Southey, Lover and lobsters, HaynesBayley and ham. 

The day happened to be particularly calm and delightful, so that we neverleft the deck; and the six hours which brought us from land to land, quickly passed over in this manner; and ere we reached "the Head, " I hadbecome the warm friend and legal adviser of the mother; and with thedaughter I was installed as chief confidant of all her griefs andsorrows, both of which appointments cost me a solemn promise to take careof them till their arrival in Paris, where they had many friends andacquaintances awaiting them. Here, then, as usual, was the invinciblefacility with which I gave myself up to any one who took the trouble toinfluence me. One thing, nevertheless, I was determined on, to let nocircumstance defer my arrival at Paris a day later than was possible:therefore, though my office as chaperon might diminish my comforts enroute, it should not interfere with the object before me. Had my mindnot been so completely engaged with my own immediate prospects, when hopesuddenly and unexpectedly revived, had become so tinged with fears anddoubts as to be almost torture, I must have been much amused with mypresent position, as I found myself seated with my two fair friends, rolling along through Wales in their comfortable travelling carriage--giving all the orders at the different hotels--seeing after theluggage--and acting en maitre in every respect. 

The good widow enjoyed particularly the difficulty which my preciseposition, with regard to her and her daughter, threw the differentinnkeepers on the road into, sometimes supposing me to be her husband, sometimes her son, and once her son-in-law; which very alarmingconjecture brought a crimson tinge to the fair daughter's cheek, anexpression, which, in my ignorance, I thought looked very like aninclination to faint in my arms. 

At length we reached London, and having been there safely installed at"Mivart's, " I sallied forth to present my letter to the Horse Guards, and obtain our passport for the continent. 

"Number nine, Poland-street, sir" said the waiter, as I inquired theaddress of the French Consul. Having discovered that my interview withthe commander-in-chief was appointed for four o'clock, I determined tolose no time, but make every possible arrangement for leaving London inthe morning. 

A cab quietly conveyed me to the door of the Consul, around which stoodseveral other vehicles, of every shape and fashion, while in the doorwaywere to be seen numbers of people, thronging and pressing, like the Operapit on a full night. Into the midst of this assemblage I soon thrustmyself, and, borne upon the current, at length reached a small backparlour, filled also with people; a door opening into another small roomin the front, showed a similar mob there, with the addition of a smallelderly man, in a bag wig and spectacles, very much begrimed with snuff, and speaking in a very choleric tone to the various applicants forpassports, who, totally ignorant of French, insisted upon interlardingtheir demands with an occasional stray phrase, making a kind oftesselated pavement of tongues, which would have shamed Babel. Nearestto the table at which the functionary sat, stood a mustachoed gentleman, in a blue frock and white trowsers, a white hat jauntily set upon oneside of his head, and primrose gloves. He cast a momentary glance of avery undervaluing import upon the crowd around him, and then, turning tothe Consul, said in a very soprano tone--

"Passport, monsieur!"

"Que voulez vous que je fasse, " replied the old Frenchman, gruffly. 

"Je suis j'ai--that is, donnez moi passport. "

"Where do you go?" replied the Consul. 

"Calai. "

"Comment diable, speak Inglis, an I understan' you as besser. Yourname?"

"Lorraine Snaggs, gentilhomme. "

"What age have you?--how old?"

"Twenty-two. "

"C'est ca, " said the old consul, flinging the passport across the table, with the air of a man who thoroughly comprehended the applicant'spretension to the designation of gentilhomme Anglais. 

"Will you be seated ma'mselle?" said the polite old Frenchman, who hadhitherto been more like a bear than a human being--"Ou allez vous donc;where to, ma chere?"

"To Paris, sir. "

"By Calais?"

"No, sir; by Boulogne"--

"C'est bon; quel age avez vous. What old, ma belle?"

"Nineteen, sir, in June. "

"And are you alone, quite, eh?"

"No, sir, my little girl. "

"Ah! your leetel girl--c'est fort bien--je m'appercois; and your name?"

"Fanny Linwood, sir. "

"C'est fini, ma chere, Mademoiselle Fanni Linwood, " said the old man, ashe wrote down the name. 

"Oh, sir, I beg your pardon, but you have put me down Mademoiselle, and--and--you see, sir, I have my little girl. "

"A c'est egal, mam'selle, they don't mind these things in France--auplaisir de vous voir. Adieu. "

"They don't mind these things in France, " said I to myself, repeating theold consul's phrase, which I could not help feeling as a whole chapter onhis nation. 

My business was soon settled, for I spoke nothing but English--verylittle knowledge of the world teaching me that when we have any favour, however slight, to ask, it is always good policy to make the amende bygratifying the amour propre of the granter--if, happily, there be anopportunity for so doing. 

When I returned to Mivart's, I found a written answer to my letter of themorning, stating that his lordship of the Horse Guards was leaving townthat afternoon, but would not delay my departure for the continent, tovisit which a four month's leave was granted me, with a recommendation tostudy at Weimar. 

The next day brought us to Dover, in time to stroll about the cliffsduring the evening, when I again talked sentiment with the daughter tillvery late. The Madame herself was too tired to come out, so that we hadour walk quite alone. It is strange enough how quickly this travellingtogether has shaken us into intimacy. Isabella says she feels as if Iwere her brother; and I begin to think myself she is not exactly like asister. She has a marvellously pretty foot and ancle. 

The climbing of cliffs is a very dangerous pastime. How true the Frenchadage--"C'est plus facile de glisser sur la gazon que sur la glace. " Butstill nothing can come of it; for if Lady Jane be not false, I mustconsider myself an engaged man. 

"Well, but I hope, " said I, rousing myself from a reverie of someminutes, and inadvertently pressing the arm which leaned upon me--"yourmamma will not be alarmed at our long absence?"

"Oh! not in the least; for she knows I'm with you. "

And here I felt a return of the pressure--perhaps also inadvertentlygiven, but which, whether or not, effectually set all my reasonings andcalculations astray; and we returned to the hotel, silent on both sides. 

The appearance of la chere mamma beside the hissing tea-urn brought usboth back to ourselves; and, after an hour's chatting, we wished goodnight, to start on the morrow for the continent. 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

CALAIS. 

It was upon a lovely evening in autumn, as the Dover steam-boat roundedthe wooden pier at Calais, amid a fleet of small boats filled with eagerand anxious faces, soliciting, in every species of bad English and"patois" [vulgar] French, the attention and patronage of the passengers. 

"Hotel de Bain, mi lor'. "

"Hotel d'Angleterre, " said another, in a voice of the most imposingsuperiority. "C'est superbe--pretty well. "

"Hotel du Nord, votre Excellence--remise de poste and 'delays' (quererelays) at all hours. "

"Commissionaire, mi ladi, " sung out a small shrill treble from the midstof a crowded cock-boat, nearly swamped beneath our paddle-wheel. 

What a scene of bustle, confusion, and excitement does the deck of asteamer present upon such an occasion. Every one is running hither orthither. "Sauve qui peut" is now the watch-word; and friendships, thatpromised a life-long endurance only half an hour ago, find here a speedydissolution. The lady who slept all night upon deck, enveloped in thefolds of your Astracan cloak, scarcely deigns an acknowledgment of you, as she adjusts her ringlets before the looking-glass over the stove inthe cabin. The polite gentleman, that would have flown for a reticule ora smelling-bottle upon the high seas, won't leave his luggage in theharbour; and the gallantry and devotion that stood the test of half agale of wind and a wet jacket, is not proof when the safety of acarpet-bag or the security of a "Mackintosh" is concerned. 

And thus here, as elsewhere, is prosperity the touchstone of goodfeeling. All the various disguises which have been assumed, per viaggio, are here immediately abandoned, and, stripped of the travelling costumeof urbanity and courtesy, which they put on for the voyage, they standforth in all the unblushing front of selfishness and self-interest. 

Some tender scenes yet find their place amid the debris of this chaoticstate. Here may be seen a careful mother adjusting innumerable shawlsand handkerchiefs round the throat of a sea-green young lady with acough; her maid is at the same instant taking a tender farewell of thesteward in the after-cabin. 

Here is a very red-faced and hot individual, with punch-coloured breechesand gaiters, disputing "one brandy too much" in his bill, and vowing thatthe company shall hear of it when he returns to England. There, a tall, elderly woman, with a Scotch-grey eye, and a sharp cheek-bone, isdepositing within her muff various seizable articles, that, until now, had been lying quietly in her trunk. Yonder, that raw-looking younggentleman, with the crumpled frock-coat, and loose cravat, and sea-sickvisage, is asking every one "if they think he may land without apassport. " You scarcely recognise him for the cigar-smoking dandy ofyesterday, that talked as if he had lived half his life on the continent. While there, a rather pretty girl is looking intently at some object inthe blue water, beside the rudder post. You are surprised you cannotmake it out; but then, she has the advantage of you, for the tall, well-looking man, with the knowing whiskers, is evidently whisperingsomething in her ear. 

"Steward, this is not my trunk--mine was a leather--"

"All the 'leathers' are gone in the first boat, sir. "

"Most scandalous way of doing business. "

"Trouble you for two-and-sixpence, sir. "

"There's Matilda coughing again, " says a thin, shrewish woman, with akind of triumphant scowl at her better half; "but you would have her wearthat thin shawl!"

"Whatever may be the fault of the shawl, I fancy no one will reproach herancles for thinness, " murmurs a young Guard's man, as he peeps up thecompanion-ladder. 

Amid all the Babel of tongues, and uproar of voices, the thorough bass ofthe escape steam keeps up its infernal thunders, till the very brainreels, and, sick as you have been of the voyage, you half wish yourselfonce more at sea, if only to have a moment of peace and tranquillity. 

Numbers now throng the deck who have never made their appearance before. Pale, jaundiced, and crumpled, they have all the sea-sick look andhaggard cheek of the real martyr--all except one, a stout, swarthy, brown-visaged man, of about forty, with a frame of iron, and a voice likethe fourth string of a violincello. You wonder why he should have takento his bed: learn, then, that he is his Majesty's courier from theforeign office, going with despatches to Constantinople, and that as heis not destined to lie down in a bed for the next fourteen days, he isglad even of the narrow resemblance to one, he finds in the berth of asteam-boat. At length you are on shore, and marched off in a longstring, like a gang of convicts to the Bureau de l'octroi, and here isbegun an examination of the luggage, which promises, from its minuteness, to last for the three months you destined to spend in Switzerland. Atthe end of an hour you discover that the soi disant commissionaire willtransact all this affair for a few francs; and, after a tiresome wait ina filthy room, jostled, elbowed, and trampled upon, by boors with sabots, you adjourn to your inn, and begin to feel that you are not in England. 

Our little party had but few of the miseries here recounted to contendwith. My "savoir faire, " with all modesty be it spoken, has been longschooled in the art and practice of travelling; and while our lessexperienced fellow-travellers were deep in the novel mysteries of cottonstockings and petticoats, most ostentatiously displayed upon every tableof the Bureau, we were comfortably seated in the handsome saloon of theHotel du Nord, looking out upon a pretty grass plot, surrounded withorange trees, and displaying in the middle a jet d'eau about the size ofa walking stick. 

"Now, Mr. Lorrequer, " said Mrs. Bingham, as she seated herself by theopen window, "never forget how totally dependent we are upon your kindoffices. Isabella has discovered already that the French of Mountjoysquare, however intelligible in that neighbourhood, and even as far asMount-street, is Coptic and Sanscrit here; and as for myself, I intend toaffect deaf and dumbness till I reach Paris, where I hear every one canspeak English a little. "

"Now, then, to begin my functions, " said I, as I rung for the waiter, andran over in my mind rapidly how many invaluable hints for my new positionmy present trip might afford me, "always provided" (as the lawyers say, )that Lady Jane Callonby might feel herself tempted to become mytravelling companion, in which case--But, confound it, how I amcastle-building again. Meanwhile, Mrs. Bingham is looking as hungry andfamished as though she would eat the waiter. Ha! this is the "carte. "

"Allons faire petit souper. "

"Cotelettes d'Agneau. "

"Maionnaise d'homard. "

"Perdreaux rouges aux truffes--mark that, aux truffes. "

"Gelee au maraschin. "

"And the wine, sir, " said the waiter, with a look of approval at myselection, "Champagne--no other wine, sir?"

"No, " said I, "Champagne only. Frappe de glace, of course, " I added, andthe waiter departed with a bow that would have graced St. James's. 

As long as our immaterial and better part shall be doomed to keep companywith its fleshy tabernacle, with all its attendant miseries of gout andindigestion, how much of our enjoyment in this world is dependent uponthe mere accessory circumstances by which the business of life is carriedon and maintained, and to despise which is neither good policy nor soundphilosophy. In this conclusion a somewhat long experience of the life ofa traveller has fully established me. And no where does it press moreforcibly upon the mind than when first arrived in a continental inn, after leaving the best hotels of England still fresh in your memory. Ido not for a moment dispute the very great superiority in comfort of thelatter, by which I would be understood to mean all those resemblances toone's own home which an English hotel so eminently possesses, and everyother one so markedly wants; but I mean that in contrivances to elevatethe spirit, cheer the jaded and tired wayfarer by objects which, howeverthey may appeal to the mere senses, seem, at least, but little sensual, give me a foreign inn; let me have a large spacious saloon, with itslofty walls and its airy, large-paned windows, (I shall not object if thecornices and mouldings be gilded, because such is usually the case, )--letthe sun and heat of a summer's day come tempered through the deeplattices of a well-fitting "jalousie, " bearing upon them the rich incenseof a fragrant orange tree in blossom--and the sparkling drops of aneighbouring fountain, the gentle plash of which is faintly audible amidthe hum of the drone-bee--let such be the "agremens" without--whilewithin, let the more substantial joys of the table await, in such guiseas only a French cuisine can present them--give me these, I say, and Ishall never sigh for the far-famed and long-deplored comforts of a box ina coffee-room, like a pew in a parish church, though certainly not sowell cushioned, and fully as dull, with a hot waiter and a coldbeefsteak--the only thing higher than your game being your bill, and theonly thing less drinkable than your port being the porter. 

With such exotic notions, figures vous, my dear reader, whether or not Ifelt happy as I found myself seated between my two fair friends doing thehonours of a little supper, and assisting the exhilaration of ourchampagne by such efforts of wit as, under favourable circumstances likethese, are ever successful--and which, being like the foaming liquidwhich washes them down, to be swallowed without waiting, are everesteemed good, from the excitement that results, and never seriouslycanvassed for any more sterling merit. Nothing ever makes a man soagreeable as the belief that he is so: and certainly my fair companionsappeared to have the most excellent idea of my powers in that respect;and I fancy, that I made more bon mots, hit off more epigrams, andinvented more choice incidents on that happy evening, than, if nowremembered, would suffice to pay my tailor's bill, when collated forBentley's Miscellany, and illustrated by Cruikshank--alas! that, like thegood liquor that seasoned them, both are gone by, and I am left but tochronicle their memory of the fun, in dulness, and counterfeit theeffervescence of the grape juice, by soda water. One thing, however, iscertain--we formed a most agreeable party; and if a feeling of gloom evermomentarily shot through my mind, it was, that evenings like these cameso rarely in this work-a-day world--that each such should be looked on, as our last. 

If I had not already shown myself up to my reader as a garcon volage ofthe first water, perhaps I should now hesitate about confessing that Ihalf regretted the short space during which it should be my privilege toact as the guide and mentor of my two friends. The impetuous haste whichI before felt necessary to exercise in reaching Paris immediately, wasnot tempered by prudent thoughts about travelling at night, andreflections about sun-stroke by day; and even moments most devoted to theobject of my heart's aspirations were fettered by the very philosophicidea, that it could never detract from the pleasure of the happiness thatawaited me, if I travelled on the primrose path to its attainment. Iargued thus: if Lady Jane be true--if--if, in a word, I am destined tohave any success in the Callonby family, then will a day or two more notrisk it. My present friends I shall, of course, take leave of at Paris, where their own acquaintances await them; and, on the other hand, shouldI be doomed once more to disappointment, I am equally certain I shouldfeel no disposition to form a new attachment. Thus did I reason, andthus I believed; and though I was a kind of consultation opinion among myfriends in "suits of love, " I was really then unaware that at no time isa man so prone to fall in love as immediately after his being jilted. Ifcommon sense will teach us not to dance a bolero upon a sprained ancle, so might it also convey the equally important lesson, not to expose ourmore vital and inflammatory organ to the fire the day after its beingsinged. 

Reflections like these did not occur to me at this moment; besides that Iwas "going the pace" with a forty-horse power of agreeability that leftme little time for thought--least of all, if serious. So stood matters. I had just filled our tall slender glasses with the creaming and"petillan" source of wit and inspiration, when the loud crack, crack, crack of a postillion's whip, accompanied by the shaking trot of a heavyteam, and the roll of wheels, announced a new arrival. "Here they come, "said I, "only look at them--four horses and one postillion, allapparently straggling and straying after their own fancy, but yet goingsurprisingly straight notwithstanding. See how they come through thatnarrow archway--it might puzzle the best four-in-hand in England to do itbetter. "

"What a handsome young man, if he had not those odious moustaches. Why, Mr. Lorrequer, he knows you: see, he is bowing to you. "

"Me! Oh! no. Why, surely, it must be--the devil--it is Kilkee, LadyJane's brother. I know his temper well. One five minutes' observationof my present intimacy with my fair friends, and adieu to all hopes forme of calling Lord Callonby my father-in-law. There is not therefore, amoment to lose. "

As these thoughts revolved through my mind, the confusion I felt hadcovered my face with scarlet; and, with a species of blundering apologyfor abruptly leaving them for a moment, I ran down stairs only in timesufficient to anticipate Kilkee's questions as to the number of myapartments, to which he was desirous of proceeding at once. Our firstgreetings over, Kilkee questioned me as to my route--adding, that his nowwas necessarily an undecided one, for if his family happened not to be atParis, he should be obliged to seek after them among the Germanwatering-places. "In any case, Mr. Lorrequer, " said he, "we shall huntthem in couples. I must insist upon your coming along with me. "

"Oh! that, " said I, "you must not think of. Your carriage is a coupe, and I cannot think of crowding you. "

"Why, you don't seriously want to affront me, I hope, for I flattermyself that a more perfect carriage for two people cannot be built. Hobson made it on a plan of my own, and I am excessively proud of it, I assure you. Come, that matter is decided--now for supper. Are theremany English here just now?--By-the-by, those new 'natives' I think I sawyou standing with on the balcony--who are they?"

"Oh! the ladies--oh! Yes, people I came over with--"

"One was pretty, I fancied. Have you supped? Just order something, willyou--meanwhile, I shall write a few lines before the post leaves. "--Saying which, he dashed up stairs after the waiter, and left me to mymeditations. 

"This begins to be pleasant, " thought I, as the door closed, leaving mealone in the "salon. " In circumstances of such moment, I had never feltso nonplussed as now, how to decline Kilkee's invitation, withoutdiscovering my intimacy with the Binghams--and yet I could not, by anypossibility, desert them thus abruptly. Such was the dilemma. "I seebut one thing for it, " said I, gloomily, as I strode through thecoffee-room, with my head sunk and my hands behind my back--"I see butone thing left--I must be taken ill to-night, and not be able to leavemy bed in the morning--a fever--a contagious fever--blue and red spotsall over me--and be raving wildly before breakfast time; and if everany discovery takes place of my intimacy above stairs, I must onlyestablish it as a premonitory symptom of insanity, which seized me inthe packet. And now for a doctor that will understand my case, andlisten to reason, as they would call it in Ireland. " With this ideauppermost, I walked out into the court-yard to look for a commissionaireto guide me in my search. Around on every side of me stood the variouscarriages and voitures of the hotel and its inmates, to the full asdistinctive and peculiar in character as their owners. "Ah! there isKilkee's, " said I, as my eye lighted upon the well-balanced and elegantlittle carriage which he had been only with justice encomiumizing. "Itis certainly perfect, and yet I'd give a handful of louis-d'ors it waslike that venerable cabriolet yonder, with the one wheel and no shafts. But, alas! these springs give little hope of a break down, and thatconfounded axle will outlive the patentee. But still, can nothing bedone?--eh? Come, the thought is a good one--I say, garcon, who greasesthe wheels of the carriage here?"

"C'est moi, monsieur, " said a great oaf, in wooden shoes and a blouse. 

"Well, then, do you understand these?" said I, touching the patentaxle-boxes with my cane. 

He shook his head. 

"Then who does, here?"

"Ah! Michael understands them perfectly. "

"Then bring him here, " said I. 

In a few minutes, a little shrewd old fellow, with a smith's apron, madehis appearance, and introduced himself as M. Michael. I had not muchdifficulty in making him master of my plan, which was, to detach one ofthe wheels as if for the purpose of oiling the axle, and afterwardsrender it incapable of being replaced--at least for twenty-four hours. 

"This is my idea, " said I; "nevertheless, do not be influenced by me. All I ask is, disable the carriage from proceeding to-morrow, and hereare three louis-d'ors at your service. "

"Soyez bien tranquille, monsieur, mi lor' shall spend to-morrow inCalais, if I know any thing of my art"--saying which he set out in searchof his tools, while I returned to the salon with my mind relieved, andfully prepared to press the urgency of my reaching Paris without anydelay. 

"Well, Mr. Lorrequer, " said Kilkee, as I entered, "here is supperwaiting, and I am as hungry as a wolf. "

"Oh! I beg pardon--I've been getting every thing in readiness for ourstart to-morrow morning, for I have not told you how anxious I am to getto Paris before the 8th--some family business, which requires my lookingafter, compelling me to do so. "

"As to that, let your mind be at rest, for I shall travel to-morrow nightif you prefer it. Now for the Volnay. Why you are not drinking yourwine. What do you say to our paying our respects to the fair ladiesabove stairs? I am sure the petits soins you have practised coming overwould permit the liberty. "

"Oh! hang it, no. There's neither of them pretty, and I should ratheravoid the risk of making a regular acquaintance with them" said I. 

"As you like, then--only, as you'll not take any wine, let us have astroll through the town. "

After a short stroll through the town, in which Kilkee talked the entiretime, but of what I know not, my thoughts being upon my own immediateconcerns, we returned to the hotel. As we entered the porte-couchere, myfriend Michael passed me, and as he took off his hat in salutation, gaveme one rapid glance of his knowing eye that completely satisfied me thatHobson's pride in my friend's carriage had by that time received quitesufficient provocation to throw him into an apoplexy. 

"By-the-by, " said I, "let us see your carriage. I am curious to look atit"--(and so I was. )

"Well, then come along, this way; they have placed it under some of thesesheds, which they think coach-houses. "

I followed my friend through the court till we arrived near the fatalspot; but before reaching, he had caught a glimpse of the mischief, andshouted out a most awful imprecation upon the author of the deed whichmet his eye. The fore-wheel of the coupe had been taken from the axle, and in the difficulty of so doing, from the excellence of theworkmanship, two of the spokes were broken--the patent box was a mass ofrent metal, and the end of the axle turned downwards like a hoe. 

I cannot convey any idea of poor Kilkee's distraction; and, in reality, my own was little short of it; for the wretch had so far out-stripped myorders, that I became horrified at the cruel destruction before me. Weboth, therefore, stormed in the most imposing English and French, firstseparately and then together. We offered a reward for the apprehensionof the culprit, whom no one appeared to know, although, as it happened, every one in a large household was aware of the transaction but theproprietor himself. We abused all--innkeeper, waiters, ostlers, andchambermaids, collectively and individually--condemned Calais as a den ofiniquity, and branded all Frenchmen as rogues and vagabonds. This seemedto alleviate considerably my friend's grief, and excite my thirst--fortunately, perhaps for us; for if our eloquence had held out muchlonger, I am afraid our auditory might have lost their patience; and, indeed, I am quite certain if our French had not been in nearly asdisjointed a condition as the spokes of the caleche, such must have beenthe case. 

"Well, Mr. Lorrequer, I suppose, then, we are not destined to befellow-travellers--for if you must go to-morrow--"

"Alas! It is imperative, " said I. 

"Then in any case, let us arrange where we shall meet, for I hope to bein Paris the day after you. "

"I'll stop at Meurice. "

"Meurice, be it, " said he, "so now good night, till we meet in Paris. "

EBOOK EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

A c'est egal, mam'selle, they don't mind these things in FranceAccustomed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the lawDelectable modes of getting over the ground through lifeDisputing "one brandy too much" in his billEnjoy the name without the gainListen to reason, as they would call it in IrelandNothing ever makes a man so agreeable as the belief that he isRather better than people with better coats on themSixteenthly, like a Presbyterian minister's sermonThe "fat, fair, and forty" categoryWhiskey, the appropriate liquor in all treaties of this nature