[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of thefile for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making anentire meal of them. D. W. ]

THE CONFESSIONS OF HARRY LORREQUER, Volume 1

[By Charles James Lever (1806-1872)]

Dublin

MDCCCXXXIX. 

[Note: Though the title page has no author's name inscribed, this work is generally attributed to Charles James Lever. ]

Volume 1. (Chapters I. To X. )

 "We talked of pipe-clay regulation caps-- Long twenty-fours--short culverins and mortars-- Condemn'd the 'Horse Guards' for a set of raps, And cursed our fate at being in such quarters. Some smoked, some sighed, and some were heard to snore; Some wished themselves five fathoms 'neat the Solway; And some did pray--who never prayed before-- That they might get the 'route' for Cork or Galway. "

ToSir George Hamilton Seymour, G. C. H. &c. &c. 

My Dear Sir Hamilton, If a feather will show how the wind blows, perhaps my dedicating to youeven as light matter as these Confessions may in some measure prove howgrateful I feel for the many kindnesses I have received from you in thecourse of our intimacy. While thus acknowledging a debt, I must alsoavow that another motive strongly prompts me upon this occasion. I amnot aware of any one, to whom with such propriety a volume of anecdoteand adventure should be inscribed, as to one, himself well known as aninimitable narrator. Could I have stolen for my story, any portion ofthe grace and humour with which I have heard you adorn many of your own, while I should deem this offering more worthy of your acceptance, Ishould also feel more confident of its reception by the public. 

 With every sentiment of esteem and regard, Believe me very faithfully yours, THE AUTHORBruxelles, December, 1839. 

PREFATORY EPISTLE. 

Dear Public, When first I set about recording the scenes which occupy these pages, Ihad no intention of continuing them, except in such stray and scatteredfragments as the columns of a Magazine (FOOTNOTE: The Dublin UniversityMagazine. ) permit of; and when at length I discovered that some interesthad attached not only to the adventures, but to their narrator, I wouldgladly have retired with my "little laurels" from a stage, on which, having only engaged to appear between the acts, I was destined to comeforward as a principal character. 

Among the "miseries of human life, " a most touching one is spoken of--thebeing obliged to listen to the repetition of a badly sung song, becausesome well-wishing, but not over discreet friend of the singer has calledloudly for an encore. 

I begin very much to fear that something of the kind has taken placehere, and that I should have acted a wiser part, had I been contentedwith even the still small voice of a few partial friends, and retiredfrom the boards in the pleasing delusion of success; but unfortunately, the same easy temperament that has so often involved me before, has beenfaithful to me here; and when you pretended to be pleased, unluckily, Ibelieved you. 

So much of apology for the matter--a little now for the manner of myoffending, and I have done. I wrote as I felt--sometimes in goodspirits, sometimes in bad--always carelessly--for, God help me, I can dono better. 

When the celibacy of the Fellows of Trinity College, Dublin, became anactive law in that University, the Board proceeded to enforce it, bysummoning to their presence all the individuals who it was well known hadtransgressed the regulation, and among them figured Dr. S. , many of whosesons were at the same time students in the college. "Are you married, Dr. S-----r?" said the bachelor vice-provost, in all the dignity andpride of conscious innocence. "Married!" said the father of tenchildren, with a start of involuntary horror;--"married?" "Yes sir, married. " "Why sir, I am no more married than the Provost. " This wasquite enough--no further questions were asked, and the head of theUniversity preferred a merciful course towards the offender, torepudiating his wife and disowning his children. Now for theapplication. Certain captious and incredulous people have doubted theveracity of the adventures I have recorded in these pages; I do not thinkit necessary to appeal to concurrent testimony and credible witnesses fortheir proof, but I pledge myself to the fact that every tittle I haverelated is as true as that my name is Lorrequer--need I say more?

Another objection has been made to my narrative, and I cannot pass it bywithout a word of remark;--"these Confessions are wanting in scenes oftouching and pathetic interest" (FOOTNOTE: We have the author'spermission to state, that all the pathetic and moving incidents of hiscareer he has reserved for a second series of "Confessions, " to beentitled "Lorrequer Married?"--Publisher's Note. )--true, quite true; butI console myself on this head, for I remember hearing of an author whoseparaphrase of the book of Job was refused by a publisher, if he could notthrow a little more humour into it; and if I have not been more miserableand more unhappy, I am very sorry for it on your account, but you mustexcuse my regretting it on my own. Another story and I have done;--theNewgate Calendar makes mention of a notorious housebreaker, who closedhis career of outrage and violence by the murder of a whole family, whosehouse he robbed; on the scaffold he entreated permission to speak a fewwords to the crowd beneath, and thus addressed them:--"My friends, it isquite true I murdered this family; in cold blood I did it--one by onethey fell beneath my hand, while I rifled their coffers, and took forththeir effects; but one thing is imputed to me, which I cannot die withoutdenying--it is asserted that I stole an extinguisher; the contemptiblecharacter of this petty theft is a stain upon my reputation, that Icannot suffer to disgrace my memory. " So would I now address you for allthe graver offences of my book; I stand forth guilty--miserably, palpablyguilty--they are mine every one of them; and I dare not, I cannot denythem; but if you think that the blunders in French and the hash ofspelling so widely spread through these pages, are attributable to me;on the faith of a gentleman I pledge myself you are wrong, and that I hadnothing to do with them. If my thanks for the kindness and indulgencewith which these hastily written and rashly conceived sketches have beenreceived by the press and the public, are of any avail, let me add, inconclusion, that a more grateful author does not exist than

HARRY LORREQUER

CONTENTS:

Volume 1. 

CHAPTER IArrival in Cork--Civic Festivities--Private Theatricals

CHAPTER IIDetachment Duty--The Burton Arms--Callonby

CHAPTER IIILife at Callonby--Love-making--Miss O'Dowd's Adventure

CHAPTER IVBotanical Studies--The Natural System preferable to the Linnaean

CHAPTER VPuzzled--Explanation--Makes bad worse--The Duel

CHAPTER VIThe Priest's Supper--Father Malachi and the Coadjutor--Major Jones andthe Abbe

CHAPTER VIIThe Lady's Letter--Peter and his Acquaintances--Too late

CHAPTER VIIICongratulations--Sick Leave--How to pass the Board

CHAPTER IXThe Road--Travelling Acquaintances--A Packet Adventure

CHAPTER XUpset--Mind and Body

Volume 2. 

CHAPTER XICheltenham--Matrimonial Adventure--Showing how to make love for a friend

CHAPTER XIIDublin--Tom O'Flaherty--A Reminiscence of the Peninsula

CHAPTER XIIIDublin--The Boarding-house--Select Society

CHAPTER XIVThe Chase

CHAPTER XVMems Of the North Cork

CHAPTER XVITheatricals

CHAPTER XVI* (The chapter # is a repeat)The Wager

CHAPTER XVIIThe Elopement

Volume 3. 

CHAPTER XVIIIDetachment Duty--An Assize Town

CHAPTER XIXThe Assize Town

CHAPTER XXA Day in Dublin

CHAPTER XXIA Night at Howth

CHAPTER XXIIThe Journey

CHAPTER XXIIICalais

Volume 4. 

CHAPTER XXIVThe Gen d'Arme

CHAPTER XXVThe Inn at Chantraine

CHAPTER XXVIMr O'Leary

CHAPTER XXVIIParisCHAPTER XXVIIIParis

Volume 5. 

CHAPTER XXIXCaptain Trevanion's Adventure

CHAPTER XXXDifficulties

CHAPTER XXXIExplanation

CHAPTER XXXIIMr O'Leary's First Love

CHAPTER XXXIIIMr O'Leary's Second Love

CHAPTER XXXIVThe Duel

CHAPTER XXXVEarly Recollections--A First Love

CHAPTER XXXVIWise Resolves

CHAPTER XXXVIIThe Proposal

CHAPTER XXXVIIIThoughts upon Matrimony in general, and in the Army in particular--TheKnight of Kerry and Billy M'Cabe

CHAPTER XXXIXA Reminiscence

CHAPTER XLThe Two Letters

CHAPTER XLIMr O'Leary's Capture

Volume 6. 

CHAPTER XLII. The Journey

CHAPTER XLIII. The Journey

CHAPTER XLIV. A Reminscence of the East

CHAPTER XLV. A Day in the Phoenix

CHAPTER XLVI. An Adventure in Canada

CHAPTER XLVII. The Courier's Passport

CHAPTER XLVIII. A Night in Strasbourg

CHAPTER XLIX. A Surprise

CHAPTER L. Jack Waller's Story

CHAPTER LI. Munich

CHAPTER LII. Inn at Munich

CHAPTER LIII. The Ball

CHAPTER LIV. A Discovery

CHAPTER LV. Conclusion

A WORD OF INTRODUCTION. 

"Story! God bless you; I have none to tell, sir. "

It is now many--do not ask me to say how many--years since I receivedfrom the Horse Guards the welcome intelligence that I was gazetted to aninsigncy in his Majesty's __th Foot, and that my name, which had figuredso long in the "Duke's" list, with the words "a very hard case" appended, should at length appear in the monthly record of promotions andappointments. 

Since then my life has been passed in all the vicissitudes of war andpeace. The camp and the bivouac--the reckless gaiety of the mess-table--the comfortless solitude of a French prison--the exciting turmoils ofactive service--the wearisome monotony of garrison duty, I have alikepartaken of, and experienced. A career of this kind, with a temperamentever ready to go with the humour of those about him will always be sureof its meed of adventure. Such has mine been; and with no greaterpretension than to chronicle a few of the scenes in which I have borne apart, and revive the memory of the other actors in them--some, alas! Nowno more--I have ventured upon these "Confessions. "

If I have not here selected that portion of my life which most aboundedin striking events and incidents most worthy of recording, my excuse issimply, because being my first appearance upon the boards, I preferredaccustoming myself to the look of the house, while performing the "Cock, "to coming before the audience in the more difficult part of Hamlet. 

As there are unhappily impracticable people in the world, who, as Curranexpressed it, are never content to know "who killed the gauger, if youcan't inform them who wore his corduroys"--to all such I would, in deephumility, say, that with my "Confessions" they have nothing to do--I haveneither story nor moral--my only pretension to the one, is the detail ofa passion which marked some years of my life; my only attempt at theother, the effort to show how prolific in hair-breadth 'scapes may aman's career become, who, with a warm imagination and easy temper, believes too much, and rarely can feign a part without forgetting that heis acting. Having said thus much, I must once more bespeak theindulgence never withheld from a true penitent, and at once begin my"Confessions. "

CHAPTER I. 

ARRIVAL IN CORK--CIVIC FESTIVITIES--PRIVATE THEATRICALS. 

It was on a splendid morning in the autumn of the year 181_ that theHoward transport, with four hundred of his Majesty's 4_th Regt. , droppedanchor in the beautiful harbour of Cove; the sea shone under the purplelight of the rising sun with a rich rosy hue, beautifully in contrastwith the different tints of the foliage of the deep woods already tingedwith the brown of autumn. Spike Island lay "sleeping upon its broadshadow, " and the large ensign which crowns the battery was wrapped aroundthe flag-staff, there not being even air enough to stir it. It was stillso early, that but few persons were abroad; and as we leaned over thebulwarks, and looked now, for the first time for eight long years, uponBritish ground, many an eye filled, and many a heaving breast told howfull of recollections that short moment was, and how different ourfeelings from the gay buoyancy with which we had sailed from that sameharbour for the Peninsula; many of our best and bravest had we leftbehind us, and more than one native to the land we were approaching hadfound his last rest in the soil of the stranger. It was, then, with amingled sense of pain and pleasure, we gazed upon that peaceful littlevillage, whose white cottages lay dotted along the edge of the harbour. The moody silence our thoughts had shed over us was soon broken: thepreparations for disembarking had begun, and I recollect well to thishour how, shaking off the load that oppressed my heart, I descended thegangway, humming poor Wolfe's well-known song--

 "Why, soldiers, why Should we be melancholy, boys?"

And to this elasticity of spirits--whether the result of my profession, or the gift of God--as Dogberry has it--I know not--I owe the greaterportion of the happiness I have enjoyed in a life, whose changes andvicissitudes have equalled most men's. 

Drawn up in a line along the shore, I could scarce refrain from a smileat our appearance. Four weeks on board a transport will certainly notcontribute much to the "personnel" of any unfortunate therein confined;but when, in addition to this, you take into account that we had notreceived new clothes for three years--if I except caps for ourgrenadiers, originally intended for a Scotch regiment, but found to beall too small for the long-headed generation. Many a patch of brown andgrey, variegated the faded scarlet, "of our uniform, " and scarcely a pairof knees in the entire regiment did not confess their obligations to ablanket. But with all this, we shewed a stout, weather-beaten front, that, disposed as the passer-by might feel to laugh at our expense, verylittle caution would teach him it was fully as safe to indulge it in hissleeve. 

The bells from every steeple and tower rung gaily out a peal of welcomeas we marched into "that beautiful city called Cork, " our band playing"Garryowen"--for we had been originally raised in Ireland, and stillamong our officers maintained a strong majority from that land of punch, priests, and potatoes--the tattered flag of the regiment proudly wavingover our heads, and not a man amongst us whose warm heart did not boundbehind a Waterloo medal. Well--well! I am now--alas, that I should sayit--somewhat in the "sear and yellow;" and I confess, after theexperience of some moments of high, triumphant feeling, that I neverbefore felt within me, the same animating, spirit-filling glow ofdelight, as rose within my heart that day, as I marched at the headof my company down George's-street. 

We were soon settled in barracks; and then began a series ofentertainments on the side of the civic dignities of Cork, which soon ledmost of us to believe that we had only escaped shot and shell to fallless gloriously beneath champagne and claret. I do not believe there isa coroner in the island who would have pronounced but the one verdictover the regiment--"Killed by the mayor and corporation, " had we sofallen. 

First of all, we were dined by the citizens of Cork--and, to do themjustice, a harder drinking set of gentlemen no city need boast; then wewere feasted by the corporation; then by the sheriffs; then came themayor, solus; then an address, with a cold collation, that left eight ofus on the sick-list for a fortnight; but the climax of all was a grandentertainment given in the mansion-house, and to which upwards of twothousand were invited. It was a species of fancy ball, beginning by adejeune at three o'clock in the afternoon, and ending--I never yet metthe man who could tell when it ended; as for myself, my finale partook alittle of the adventurous, and I may as well relate it. 

After waltzing for about an hour with one of the prettiest girls I everset eyes upon, and getting a tender squeeze of the hand, as I restoredher to a most affable-looking old lady in a blue turban and a red velvetgown who smiled most benignly on me, and called me "Meejor, " I retired torecruit for a new attack, to a small table, where three of ours werequaffing "ponche a la Romaine, " with a crowd of Corkagians about them, eagerly inquiring after some heroes of their own city, whose deeds ofarms they were surprised did not obtain special mention from "the Duke. "I soon ingratiated myself into this well-occupied clique, and dosed themwith glory to their hearts' content. I resolved at once to enter intotheir humour; and as the "ponche" mounted up to my brain I graduallyfound my acquaintanceship extend to every family and connexion in thecountry. 

"Did ye know Phil Beamish of the 3_th, sir?" said a tall, red-faced, red-whiskered, well-looking gentleman, who bore no slight resemblanceto Feargus O'Connor. 

"Phil Beamish!" said I. "Indeed I did, sir, and do still; and there isnot a man in the British army I am prouder of knowing. " Here, by theway, I may mention that I never heard the name till that moment. 

"You don't say so, sir?" said Feargus--for so I must call him, forshortness sake. "Has he any chance of the company yet, sir?"

"Company!" said I, in astonishment. "He obtained his majority threemonths since. You cannot possibly have heard from lately, or you wouldhave known that?"

"That's true, sir. I never heard since he quitted the 3_th to go toVersailles, I think they call it, for his health. But how did he get thestep, sir?"

"Why, as to the company, that was remarkable enough!" said I, quaffingoff a tumbler of champagne, to assist my invention. "You know it wasabout four o'clock in the afternoon of the 18th that Napoleon orderedGrouchy to advance with the first and second brigade of the Old Guard andtwo regiments of chasseurs, and attack the position occupied by Pictonand the regiments under his command. Well, sir, on they came, masked bythe smoke of a terrific discharge of artillery, stationed on a smalleminence to our left, and which did tremendous execution among our poorfellows--on they came, Sir; and as the smoke cleared partially away wegot a glimpse of them, and a more dangerous looking set I should notdesire to see: grizzle-bearded, hard-featured, bronzed fellows, aboutfive-and-thirty or forty years of age; their beauty not a whit improvedby the red glare thrown upon their faces and along the whole line by eachflash of the long twenty-fours that were playing away to the right. Justat this moment Picton rode down the line with his staff, and stoppingwithin a few paces of me, said, 'They're coming up; steady, boys; steadynow: we shall have something to do soon. ' And then, turning sharplyround, he looked in the direction of the French battery, that wasthundering away again in full force, 'Ah, that must be silenced, ' saidhe, 'Where's Beamish?'--"Says Picton!" interrupted Feargus, his eyesstarting from their sockets, and his mouth growing wider every moment, ashe listed with the most intense interest. "Yes, " said I, slowly; andthen, with all the provoking nonchalance of an Italian improvisatore, whoalways halts at the most exciting point of his narrative, I begged alistener near me to fill my glass from the iced punch beside him. Not asound was heard as I lifted the bumper to my lips; all were breathless intheir wound-up anxiety to hear of their countryman who had been selectedby Picton--for what, too, they knew not yet, and, indeed, at this instantI did not know myself, and nearly laughed outright, for the two of ourmen who had remained at the table had so well employed their interval ofease as to become very pleasantly drunk, and were listening to myconfounded story with all the gravity and seriousness in the world. 

"'Where's Beamish?' said Picton. 'Here, sir, ' said Phil stepping outfrom the line and touching his cap to the general, who, taking him apartfor a few minutes, spoke to him with great animation. We did not knowwhat he said; but before five minutes were over, there was Phil withthree companies of light-bobs drawn up at our left; their muskets at thecharge, they set off at a round trot down the little steep which closedour flank. We had not much time to follow their movements, for our ownamusement began soon; but I well remember, after repelling the Frenchattack, and standing in square against two heavy charges of cuirassiers, the first thing I saw where the French battery had stood, was PhilBeamish and about a handful of brave fellows, all that remained from theskirmish. He captured two of the enemy's field-pieces, and was 'CaptainBeamish' on the day after. "

"Long life to him, " said at least a dozen voices behind and about me, while a general clinking of decanters and smacking of lips betokened thatPhil's health with all the honours was being celebrated. For myself, Iwas really so engrossed by my narrative, and so excited by the "ponche, "that I saw or heard very little of what was passing around, and have onlya kind of dim recollection of being seized by the hand by "Feargus, " whowas Beamish's brother, and who, in the fullness of his heart, would havehugged me to his breast, if I had not opportunely been so overpowered asto fall senseless under the table. 

When I first returned to consciousness, I found myself lying exactlywhere I had fallen. Around me lay heaps of slain--the two of "ours"amongst the number. One of them--I remember he was the adjutant--held inhis hand a wax candle (three to the pound). Whether he had himselfseized it in the enthusiasm of my narrative of flood and field, or it hadbeen put there by another, I know not, but he certainly cut a drollfigure. The room we were in was a small one off the great saloon, andthrough the half open folding-door I could clearly perceive that thefestivities were still continued. The crash of fiddles and French horns, and the tramp of feet, which had lost much of their elasticity since theentertainments began, rang through my ears, mingled with the sounds "downthe middle, " "hands across, " "here's your partner, Captain. " What hourof the night or morning it then was, I could not guess; but certainly thevigor of the party seemed little abated, if I might judge from thespecimens before me, and the testimony of a short plethoric gentleman, who stood wiping his bald head, after conducting his partner downtwenty-eight couple, and who, turning to his friend, said, "Oh, thedistance is nothing, but it is the pace that kills. "

The first evidence I shewed of any return to reason, was a stronganxiety to be at my quarters; but how to get there I knew not. The faintglimmering of sense I possessed told me that "to stand was to fall, " andI was ashamed to go on all-fours, which prudence suggested. 

At this moment I remembered I had brought with me my cane, which, from aperhaps pardonable vanity, I was fond of parading. It was a present fromthe officers of my regiment--many of them, alas, since dead--and had amost splendid gold head, with a stag at the top--the arms of theregiment. This I would not have lost for any consideration I canmention; and this now was gone! I looked around me on every side; Igroped beneath the table; I turned the sleeping sots who lay about in novery gentle fashion; but, alas, it was gone. I sprang to my feet andonly then remembered how unfit I was to follow up the search, as tables, chairs, lights, and people seemed all rocking and waving before me. However, I succeeded in making my way, through one room into another, sometimes guiding my steps along the walls; and once, as I recollect, seeking the diagonal of a room, I bisected a quadrille with suchill-directed speed, as to run foul of a Cork dandy and his partner whowere just performing the "en avant:" but though I saw them lie tumbledin the dust by the shock of my encounter--for I had upset them--I stillheld on the even tenor of my way. In fact, I had feeling for but oneloss; and, still in pursuit of my cane, I reached the hall-door. Now, be it known that the architecture of the Cork Mansion House has but onefault, but that fault is a grand one, and a strong evidence of howunsuited English architects are to provide buildings for a people whosetastes and habits they but imperfectly understand--be it known, then, that the descent from the hall-door to the street was by a flight oftwelve stone steps. How I should ever get down these was now mydifficulty. If Falstaff deplored "eight yards of uneven ground as beingthree score and ten miles a foot, " with equal truth did I feel thatthese twelve awful steps were worse to me than would be M'GillicuddyReeks in the day-light, and with a head clear from champagne. 

While I yet hesitated, the problem resolved itself; for, gazing down uponthe bright gravel, brilliantly lighted by the surrounding lamps, I lostmy balance, and came tumbling and rolling from top to bottom, where Ifell upon a large mass of some soft substance, to which, in allprobability, I owe my life. In a few seconds I recovered my senses, andwhat was my surprise to find that the downy cushion beneath, snored mostaudibly! I moved a little to one side, and then discovered that inreality it was nothing less than an alderman of Cork, who, from hisposition, I concluded had shared the same fate with myself; there he lay, "like a warrior taking his rest, " but not with his "martial cloak aroundhim, " but a much more comfortable and far more costly robe--a scarletgown of office--with huge velvet cuffs and a great cape of the samematerial. True courage consists in presence of mind; and here mine cameto my aid at once: recollecting the loss I had just sustained, andperceiving that all was still about me, with that right Peninsular maxim, that reprisals are fair in an enemy's camp, I proceeded to strip theslain; and with some little difficulty--partly, indeed, owing to myunsteadiness on my legs--I succeeded in denuding the worthy alderman, whogave no other sign of life during the operation than an abortive effortto "hip, hip, hurra, " in which I left him, having put on the spoil, andset out on my way the the barrack with as much dignity of manner as Icould assume in honour of my costume. And here I may mention (enparenthese) that a more comfortable morning gown no man ever possessed, and in its wide luxuriant folds I revel, while I write these lines. 

When I awoke on the following day I had considerable difficulty intracing the events of the past evening. The great scarlet cloak, however, unravelled much of the mystery, and gradually the whole of mycareer became clear before me, with the single exception of the episodeof Phil Beamish, about which my memory was subsequently refreshed--but Ianticipate. Only five appeared that day at mess; and, Lord! Whatspectres they were!--yellow as guineas; they called for soda waterwithout ceasing, and scarcely spoke a word to each other. It was plainthat the corporation of Cork was committing more havoc among us thanCorunna or Waterloo, and that if we did not change our quarters, therewould be quick promotion in the corps for such as were "seasonedgentlemen. " After a day or two we met again together, and then whatadventures were told--each man had his own story to narrate; and from theoccurrences detailed, one would have supposed years had been passing, instead of the short hours of an evening party. Mine were indeed amongthe least remarkable; but I confess that the air of vraisemblanceproduced by my production of the aldermanic gown gave me the palm aboveall competitors. 

Such was our life in Cork--dining, drinking, dancing, riding steeplechases, pigeon shooting, and tandem driving--filling up any littleinterval that was found to exist between a late breakfast, and the timeto dress for dinner; and here I hope I shall not be accused of a tendencyto boasting, while I add, that among all ranks and degrees of men, andwomen too, there never was a regiment more highly in estimation than the4_th. We felt the full value of all the attentions we were receiving;and we endeavoured, as best we might, to repay them. We got up GarrisonBalls and Garrison Plays, and usually performed one or twice a weekduring the winter. Here I shone conspicuously; in the morning I wasemployed painting scenery and arranging the properties; as it grew later, I regulated the lamps, and looked after the foot-lights, mediatingoccasionally between angry litigants, whose jealousies abound to the fullas much, in private theatricals, as in the regular corps dramatique. Then, I was also leader in the orchestra; and had scarcely to speak theprologues. Such are the cares of greatness: to do myself justice, I didnot dislike them; though, to be sure, my taste for the drama did cost mea little dear, as will be seen in the sequel. 

We were then in the full career of popularity. Our balls pronounced thevery pleasantest; our plays far superior to any regular corps that hadever honoured Cork with their talents; when an event occurred which threwa gloom over all our proceedings, and finally put a stop to every projectfor amusement, we had so completely given ourselves up to. This was noless than the removal of our Lieutenant-Colonel. After thirty years ofactive service in the regiment he then commanded, his age andinfirmities, increased by some severe wounds, demanded ease and repose;he retired from us, bearing along with him the love and regard of everyman in the regiment. To the old officers he was endeared by longcompanionship, and undeviating friendship; to the young, he was in everyrespect as a father, assisting by his advice, and guiding by his counsel;while to the men, the best estimate of his worth appeared in the fact, that corporeal punishment was unknown in the corps. Such was the man welost; and it may well be supposed, that his successor, who, or whateverhe might be, came under circumstances of no common difficulty amongst us;but, when I tell, that our new Lieutenant-Colonel was in every respecthis opposite, it may be believed how little cordiality he met with. 

Lieutenant-Colonel Carden--for so I shall call him, although not his realname--had not been a month at quarters, when he proved himself a regularmartinet; everlasting drills, continual reports, fatigue parties, andball practice, and heaven knows what besides, superseded our formermorning's occupation; and, at the end of the time I have metioned, we, who had fought our way from Albuera to Waterloo, under some of theseverest generals of division, were pronounced a most disorderly andill-disciplined regiment, by a Colonel, who had never seen a shot firedbut at a review in Hounslow, or a sham-battle in the Fifteen Acres. Thewinter was now drawing to a close--already some little touch of springwas appearing; as our last play for the season was announced, everyeffort to close with some little additional effort was made; and eachperformer in the expected piece was nerving himself for an effort beyondhis wont. The Colonel had most unequivocally condemned these plays; butthat mattered not; they came not within his jurisdiction; and we took nonotice of his displeasure, further than sending him tickets, which wereas immediately returned as received. From being the chief offender, Ihad become particularly obnoxious; and he had upon more than oneoccasion expressed his desire for an opportunity to visit me with hisvengeance; but being aware of his kind intentions towards me, I tookparticular care to let no such opportunity occur. 

On the morning in question, then, I had scarcely left my quarters, whenone of my brother officers informed me that the Colonel had made a greatuproar, that one of the bills of the play had been put up on his door--which, with his avowed dislike to such representations, he considered asintended to insult him: he added, too, that the Colonel attributed it tome. In this, however, he was wrong--and, to this hour, I never knew whodid it. I had little time, and still less inclination, to meditate uponthe Colonel's wrath--the theatre had all my thoughts; and indeed it was aday of no common exertion, for our amusements were to conclude with agrand supper on the stage, to which all the elite of Cork were invited. Wherever I went through the city--and many were my peregrinations--thegreat placard of the play stared me in the fact; and every gate andshuttered window in Cork, proclaimed, "THE PART OF OTHELLO, BY MR. LORREQUER. "

As evening drew near, my cares and occupations were redoubled. My IagoI had fears for--'tis true he was an admirable Lord Grizzle in Tom Thumb--but then--then I had to paint the whole company, and bear all theirabuse besides, for not making some of the most ill-looking wretches, perfect Apollos; but, last of all, I was sent for, at a quarter toseven, to lace Desdemona's stays. Start not, gentle reader--my fairDesdemona--she "who might lie by an emperor's side, and command himtasks"--was no other than the senior lieutenant of the regiment, and whowas a great a votary of the jolly god as honest Cassio himself. But Imust hasten on--I cannot delay to recount our successes in detail. Letit suffice to say, that, by universal consent, I was preferred to Kean;and the only fault the most critical observer could find to therepresentative of Desdemona, was a rather unlady-like fondness forsnuff. But, whatever little demerits our acting might have displayed, were speedily forgotten in a champagne supper. There I took the head ofthe table; and, in the costume of the noble Moor, toasted, madespeeches, returned thanks, and sung songs, till I might have exclaimedwith Othello himself, "Chaos was come again;"--and I believe I owe myever reaching the barrack that night to the kind offices of Desdemona, who carried me the greater part of the way on her back. 

The first waking thoughts of him who has indulged over-night, was notamong the most blissful of existence, and certainly the pleasure is notincreased by the consciousness that he is called on to the discharge ofduties to which a fevered pulse and throbbing temples are but ill-suited. My sleep was suddenly broken in upon the morning after the play, but a"row-dow-dow" beat beneath my window. I jumped hastily from my bed, andlooked out, and there, to my horror, perceived the regiment under arms. It was one of our confounded colonel's morning drills; and there he stoodhimself with the poor adjutant, who had been up all night, shiveringbeside him. Some two or three of the officers had descended; and thedrum was now summoning the others as it beat round the barrack-square. I saw there was not a moment to lose, and proceeded to dress with alldespatch; but, to my misery, I discovered every where nothing buttheatrical robes and decorations--there lay a splendid turban, here apair of buskins--a spangled jacket glittered on one table, and a jewelledscimitar on the other. At last I detected my "regimental small-clothes, "&c. Most ignominiously thrust into a corner, in my ardour for my Moorishrobes the preceding evening. 

I dressed myself with the speed of lightning; but as I proceeded in myoccupation-guess my annoyance to find that the toilet-table and glass, ay, and even the basin-stand, had been removed to the dressing-room ofthe theatre; and my servant, I suppose, following his master's example, was too tipsy to remember to bring them back; so that I was unable toprocure the luxury of cold water--for now not a moment more remained--thedrum had ceased, and the men had all fallen in. Hastily drawing on mycoat, I put on my shako, and buckling on my belt as dandy-like as mightbe, hurried down the stairs to the barrack-yard. By the time I got down, the men were all drawn up in line along the square; while the adjutantwas proceeding to examine their accoutrements, &c. As he passed down. The colonel and the officers were standing in a group, but no conversing. The anger of the commanding officer appeared still to continue, and therewas a dead silence maintained on both sides. To reach the spot wherethey stood, I had to pass along part of the line. In doing so, how shallI convey my amazement at the faces that met me--a general titter ranalong the entire rank, which not even their fears for consequences seemedable to repress--for an effort, on the part of many, to stifle the laugh, only ended in a still louder burst of merriment. I looked to the farside of the yard for an explanation, but there was nothing there toaccount for it. I now crossed over to where the officers were standing, determining in my own mind to investigate the occurrence thoroughly, whenfree from the presence of the colonel, to whom any representation of illconduct always brought a punishment far exceeding the merits of the case. 

Scarcely had I formed this resolve, when I reached the group of officers;but the moment I came near, one general roar of laughter saluted me, --thelike of which I never before heard--I looked down at my costume, expecting to discover that, in my hurry to dress, I had put on some ofthe garments of Othello--No: all was perfectly correct. I waited for amoment, till the first burst of their merriment over, I should obtain aclue to the jest. But their mirth appeared to increase. Indeed poorG----, the senior major, one of the gravest men in Europe, laughed tillthe tears ran down his cheeks; and such was the effect upon me, that Iwas induced to laugh too--as men will sometimes, from the infectiousnature of that strange emotion; but, no sooner did I do this, than theirfun knew no bounds, and some almost screamed aloud, in the excess oftheir merriment; just at this instant the Colonel, who had been examiningsome of the men, approached our group, advancing with an air of evidentdispleasure, as the shouts of loud laughter continued. As he came up, I turned hastily round, and touching my cap, wished him good morning. Never shall I forget the look he gave me. If a glance could haveannihilated any man, his would have finished me. For a moment his facebecame purple with rage, his eye was almost hid beneath his bent brow, and he absolutely shook with passion. 

"Go, Sir, " said he at length, as soon as he was able to find utterancefor his words; "Go, sir, to your quarters; and before you leave them, acourt-martial shall decide, if such continued insult to your commandingofficer, warrants your name being in the Army List. "

"What the devil can all this mean?" I said, in a half-whisper, turning tothe others. But there they stood, their handkerchiefs to their mouths, and evidently choking with suppressed laughter. 

"May I beg, Colonel C_____, " said I----

"To your quarters, sir, " roared the little man, in the voice of a lion. And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented all further attempt on mypart to seek explanation. 

"They're all mad, every man of them, " I muttered, as I betook byselfslowly back to my rooms, amid the same evidences of mirth my firstappearance had excited--which even the Colonel's presence, feared ashe was, could not entirely subdue. 

With the air of a martyr I trod heavily up the stairs, and entered myquarters, meditating within myself, awful schemes for vengeance, on thenow open tyranny of my Colonel; upon whom, I too, in my honest rectitudeof heart, vowed to have "a court-martial. " I threw myself upon a chair, and endeavoured to recollect what circumstance of the past evening couldhave possibly suggested all the mirth in which both officers and menseemed to participate equally; but nothing could I remember, capable ofsolving the mystery, --surely the cruel wrongs of the manly Othello wereno laughter-moving subject. 

I rang the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened. 

"Stubbes, " said I, "are you aware"----

I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one of the mostdiscreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned away towards the door tohide his face. 

"What the devil does this mean?" said I, stamping with passion; "he is asbad as the rest. Stubbes, " and this I spoke with the most grave andsevere tone, "what is the meaning of the insolence?"

"Oh, sir, " said the man; "Oh, sir, surely you did not appear on paradewith that face?" and then he burst into a fit of the most uncontrollablelaughter. 

Like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind. I sprung over to thedressing-glass, which had been replaced, and oh: horror of horrors!There I stood as black as the king of Ashantee. The cursed dye which Ihad put on for Othello, I had never washed off, --and there with a hugebear-skin shako, and a pair of black, bushy whiskers, shone my huge, black, and polished visage, glowering at itself in the looking-glass. 

My first impulse, after amazement had a little subsided, was to laughimmoderately; in this I was joined by Stubbes, who, feeling that hismirth was participated in, gave full vent to his risibility. And, indeed, as I stood before the glass, grinning from ear to ear, I feltvery little surprise that my joining in the laughter of my brotherofficers, a short time before, had caused an increase of their merriment. I threw myself upon a sofa, and absolutely laughed till my sides ached, when, the door opening, the adjutant made his appearance. He looked fora moment at me, then at Stubbes, and then burst out himself, as loud aseither of us. When he had at length recovered himself, he wiped his facewith his handkerchief, and said, with a tone of much gravity:--

"But, my dear Lorrequer, this will be a serious--a devilish seriousaffair. You know what kind of man Colonel C____ is; and you are aware, too, you are not one of his prime favourites. He is firmly convincedthat you intended to insult him, and nothing will convince him to thecontrary. We told him how it must have occurred, but he will listen tono explanation. "

I thought for one second before I replied, my mind, with the practisedrapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the pros and cons of the case;I saw at a glance, it were better to brave the anger of the Colonel, comein what shape it might, than be the laughing-stock of the mess for life, and with a face of the greatest gravity and self-possession, said, "Well, adjutant, the Colonel is right. It was no mistake! You know Isent him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, he returned them; thisdid not annoy me, but on one account, I had made a wager with AldermanGullable, that the Colonel should see me in Othello--what was to be done?Don't you see, now, there was only one course, and I took it, old boy, and have won my bet!"

"And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I suppose, " said theadjutant. 

"Never mind, my dear fellow, " I repled; "I shall get out of this scrape, as I have done many others. "

"But what do you intend doing?"

"Oh, as to that, " said I, "I shall, of course, wait on the Colonelimmediately; pretend to him that it was a mere blunder, from theinattention of my servant--hand over Stubbes to the powers that punish, (here the poor fellow winced a little, ) and make my peace as well as Ican. But, adjutant, mind, " said I, "and give the real version to all ourfellows, and tell them to make it public as much as they please. "

"Never fear, " said he, as he left the room still laughing, "they shallall know the true story; but I wish with all my heart you were well outof it. "

I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented myself at theColonel's quarters. It is no pleasure for me to recount these passagesin my life, in which I have had to hear the "proud man's contumely. " Ishall therefore merely observe, that after a very long interview, theColonel accepted my apologies, and we parted. 

Before a week elapsed, the story had gone far and near; everydinner-table in Cork had laughed at it. As for me, I attained immortalhonour for my tact and courage. Poor Gullable readily agreed to favourthe story, and gave us a dinner as the lost wager, and the Colonel wasso unmercifully quizzed on the subject, and such broad allusions to hisbeing humbugged were given in the Cork papers, that he was obliged tonegociate a change of quarters with another regiment, to get out of thecontinual jesting, and in less than a month we marched to Limerick, torelieve, as it was reported, the 9th, ordered for foreign service, but, in reality, only to relieve Lieut. -Colonel C____, quizzed beyondendurance. 

However, if the Colonel had seemed to forgive, he did not forget, for thevery second week after our arrival in Limerick, I received one morning atmy breakfast-table, the following brief note from our adjutant:--

 "My Dear Lorrequer--The Colonel has received orders to despatch two companies to some remote part of the county Clare; as you have 'done the state some service, ' you are selected for the beautiful town of Kilrush, where, to use the eulogistic language of the geography books, 'there is a good harbour, and a market plentifully supplied with fish. ' I have just heard of the kind intention in store for you, and lose no time in letting you know. 

 "God give you a good deliverance from the 'garcons lances, ' as the Moniteur calls the Whiteboys, and believe me ever your's, Charles Curzon. "

I had scarcely twice read over the adjutant's epistle, when I receivedan official notification from the Colonel, directing me to proceed toKilrush, then and there to afford all aid and assistance in suppressingillicit distillation, when called on for that purpose; and other similarduties too agreeable to recapitulate. Alas! Alas! Othello'soccupation: was indeed gone! The next morning at sun-rise saw me on mymarch, with what appearance of gaiety I could muster, but in reality verymuch chopfallen at my banishment, and invoking sundry things upon thedevoted head of the Colonel, which he would by no means consider as"blessings. "

How short-sighted are we mortals, whether enjoying all the pump and stateof royalty, or marching like myself at the head of a company of hisMajesty's 4_th. 

Little, indeed, did I anticipate that the Siberia to which I fancied Iwas condemned should turn out the happiest quarters my fate ever threw meinto. But this, including as it does, one of the most important eventsof my life, I reserve for another chapter. --

"What is that place called, Sergeant?"--"Bunratty Castle, sir, "

"Where do we breakfast?"--"At Clare Island, sir. "

"March away, boys!"

CHAPTER II. 

DETACHMENT DUTY--THE BURTON ARMS--CALLONBY. 

For a week after my arrival at Kilrush, my life was one of the mostdreary monotony. The rain, which had begun to fall as I left Limerick, continued to descend in torrents, and I found myself a close prisoner inthe sanded parlour of "mine inn. " At no time would such "durance vile"have been agreeable; but now, when I contrasted it with all I had leftbehind at head quarters, it was absolutely maddening. The pleasantlounge in the morning, the social mess, and the agreeable evening party, were all exchanged for a short promenade of fourteen feet in onedirection, and twelve in the other, such being the accurate measurementof my "salle a manger. " A chicken, with legs as blue as a Highlander'sin winter, for my dinner; and the hours that all Christian mankind weredevoting to pleasant intercourse, and agreeable chit-chat, spent inbeating that dead-march to time, "the Devil's Tattoo, " upon my rickettytable, and forming, between whiles, sundry valorous resolutions to reformmy life, and "eschew sack and loose company. "

My front-window looked out upon a long, straggling, ill-paved street, with its due proportion of mud-heaps, and duck pools; the houses oneither side were, for the most part, dingy-looking edifices, withhalf-doors, and such pretension to being shops as a quart of meal, orsalt, displayed in the window, confers; or sometimes two tobacco-pipes, placed "saltier-wise, " would appear the only vendible article in theestablishment. A more wretched, gloomy-looking picture of woe-begonepoverty, I never beheld. 

If I turned for consolation to the back of the house, my eyes fell uponthe dirty yard of a dirty inn; the half-thatched cow-shed, where twofamished animals mourned their hard fate, --"chewing the cud of sweet andbitter fancy;" the chaise, the yellow post-chaise, once the pride andglory of the establishment, now stood reduced from its wheels, andignominiously degraded to a hen-house; on the grass-grown roof a cock hadtaken his stand, with an air of protective patronage to the featheredinhabitants beneath:

 "To what base uses must we come at last. "

That chaise, which once had conveyed the blooming bride, all blushes andtenderness, and the happy groom, on their honeymoon visit to Ballybunionand its romantic caves, or to the gigantic cliffs and sea-girt shores ofMoher--or with more steady pace and becoming gravity had borne along the"going judge of assize, "--was now become a lying-in hospital for fowl, and a nursery for chickens. Fallen as I was myself from my high estate, it afforded me a species of malicious satisfaction to contemplate thesesad reverses of fortune; and I verily believe--for on such slightfoundation our greatest resolves are built--that if the rain hadcontinued a week longer, I should have become a misanthropist for life. I made many inquiries from my landlady as to the society of the place, but the answers I received only led to greater despondence. Mypredecessor here, it seemed, had been an officer of a veteran battalion, with a wife, and that amount of children which is algebraically expressedby an X (meaning an unknown quantity). He, good man, in his two years'sojourn here, had been much more solicitous about his own affairs, thanmaking acquaintance with his neighbours; and at last, the few persons whohad been in the habit of calling on "the officer, " gave up the practice;and as there were no young ladies to refresh Pa's memory on the matter, they soon forgot completely that such a person existed--and to this happyoblivion I, Harry Lorrequer, succeeded, and was thus left without benefitof clergy to the tender mercies of Mrs. Healy of the Burton arms. 

As during the inundation which deluged the whole country around I wasunable to stir from the house, I enjoyed abundant opportunity ofcultivating the acquaintance of my hostess, and it is but fair that myreader, who has journeyed so far with me, should have an introduction. 

Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the "Burton Arms, " was of some fiveand fifty--"or by'r lady, " three score years, of a rubicund and halecomplexion; and though her short neck and corpulent figure might have sether down as "doubly hazardous, " she looked a good life for many years tocome. In height and breadth she most nearly resembled a sugar-hogshead, whose rolling, pitching motion, when trundled along on edge, she emulatedin her gait. To the ungainliness of her figure her mode of dressing nota little contributed. She usually wore a thick linsey-wolsey gown, withenormous pockets on either side, and, like Nora Creina's, it certainlyinflicted no undue restrictions upon her charms, but left

 "Every beauty free, To sink or swell as heaven pleases. "

Her feet--ye gods! Such feet--were apparelled in listing slippers, overwhich the upholstery of her ancles descended, and completely relieved themind of the spectator as to the superincumbent weight beingdisproportioned to the support; I remember well my first impression onseeing those feet and ancles reposing upon a straw footstool, while shetook her afternoon dose, and I wondered within myself if elephants wereliable to the gout. There are few countenances in the world, that ifwishing to convey an idea of, we cannot refer to some well-knownstandard; and thus nothing is more common than to hear comparisons with"Vulcan--Venus--Nicodemus, " and the like; but in the present case, I amtotally at a loss for any thing resembling the face of the worth Mrs. Healy, except it be, perhaps, that most ancient and sour visage we usedto see upon old circular iron rappers formerly--they make none of themnow--the only difference being, that Mrs. Healy's nose had no ringthrough it; I am almost tempted to add, "more's the pity. "

Such was she in "the flesh;" would that I could say, she was morefascinating in the "spirit!" but alas, truth, from which I never maydepart in these "my confessions, " constrains me to acknowledge thereverse. Most persons in this miserable world of ours, have someprevailing, predominating characteristic, which usually gives the toneand colour to all their thoughts and actions, forming what we denominatetemperament; this we see actuating them, now more, now less; but rarely, however, is this great spring of action without its moments of repose. Not so with her of whom I have been speaking. She had but one passion--but, like Aaron's rod, it had a most consuming tendency--and that was toscold, and abuse, all whom hard fate had brought within the unfortunatelimits of her tyranny. The English language, comprehensive as it is, afforded not epithets strong enough for her wrath, and she sought amongthe more classic beauties of her native Irish, such additional ones asserved her need, and with this holy alliance of tongues, she had been foryears long, the dread and terror of the entire village. 

"The dawning of morn, the day-light sinking, " ay, and even the "night'sdull hours, " it was said, too, found her labouring in her congenialoccupation; and while thus she continued to "scold and grow fat, " herinn, once a popular and frequented one, became gradually less and lessfrequented, and the dragon of the Rhine-fells did not more effectuallylay waste the territory about him, than did the evil influence of hertongue spread desolation and ruin around her. Her inn, at the time of myvisit, had not been troubled with even a passing traveller for manymonths; and, indeed, if I had any, even the least foreknowledge of thecharacter of my hostess, its privacy should have still remained uninvadedfor some time longer. 

I had not been many hours installed, when I got a specimen of her powers;and before the first week was over, so constant and unremitting were herlabours in this way, that I have upon the occasion of a slight lull inthe storm, occasioned by her falling asleep, actually left my room toinquire if anything had gone wrong, in the same was as the miller is saidto awake, if the mill stops. I trust I have said enough, to move thereader's pity and compassion for my situation--one more miserable it isdifficult to conceive. It may be though that much might be done bymanagement, and that a slight exercise of the favourite Whig plan ofconcilliation, might avail. Nothing of the kind. She was proof againstall such arts; and what was still worse, there was no subject, nopossible circumstance, no matter, past, present, or to come, that shecould not wind by her diabolical ingenuity, into some cause of offence;and then came the quick transition to instant punishment. Thus, myapparently harmless inquiry as to the society of the neighbourhood, suggested to her--a wish on my part to make acquaintance--therefore todine out--therefore not to dine at home--consequently to escape payinghalf-a-crown and devouring a chicken--therefore to defraud her, andbehave, as she would herself observe, "like a beggarly scullion, with hisfour shillings a day, setting up for a gentleman, " &c. 

By a quiet and Job-like endurance of all manner of taunting suspicions, and unmerited sarcasms, to which I daily became more reconciled, Iabsolutely rose into something like favour; and before the first month ofmy banishment expired, had got the length of an invitation to tea, in herown snuggery--an honour never known to be bestowed on any before, withthe exception of Father Malachi Brennan, her ghostly adviser; and evenhe, it is said, never ventured on such an approximation to intimacy, until he was, in Kilrush phrase, "half screwed, " thereby meaning morethan half tipsy. From time to time thus, I learned from my hostess suchparticulars of the country and its inhabitants as I was desirous ofhearing; and among other matters, she gave me an account of the greatlanded proprietor himself, Lord Callonby, who was daily expected at hisseat, within some miles of Kilrush, at the same time assuring me that Ineed not be looking so "pleased and curling out my whiskers;" "thatthey'd never take the trouble of asking even the name of me. " This, though neither very courteous, nor altogether flattering to listen to, was no more than I had already learned from some brother officers whoknew this quarter, and who informed me that the Earl of Callonby, thoughonly visiting his Irish estates every three or four years, never took theslightest notice of any of the military in his neighbourhood; nor, indeeddid he mix with the country gentry, confining himself to his own familyl, or the guests, who usually accompanied him from England, and remainedduring his few weeks' stay. My impression of his lordship was thereforenot calculated to cheer my solitude by any prospect of his rendering tilighter. 

The Earl's family consisted of her ladyship, an only son, nearly of age, and two daughters; the eldest, Lady Jane, had the reputation of beingextremely beautiful; and I remembered when she came out in London, onlythe year before, hearing nothing but praises of the grace and elegance ofher manner, united to the most classic beauty of her face and figure. The second daughter was some years younger, and said to be also veryhandsome; but as yet she had not been brought into society. Of the son, Lord Kilkee, I only heard that he had been a very gay fellow at Oxford, where he was much liked, and although not particularly studious, hadgiven evidence of talent. 

Such were the few particulars I obtained of my neighbours, and thuslittle did I know of those who were so soon to exercise a most importantinfluence upon my future life. 

After some weeks' close confinement, which, judging from my feelingsalone, I should have counted as many years, I eagerly seized theopportunity of the first glimpse of sunshine to make a short excursionalong the coast; I started early in the morning, and after a long strollalong the bold headlands of Kilkee, was returning late in the evening tomy lodgings. My path lay across a wild, bleak moor, dotted with lowclumps of furze, and not presenting on any side the least trace ofhabitation. In wading through the tangled bushes, my dog "Mouche"started a hare; and after a run "sharp, short, and decisive, " killed itat the bottom of a little glen some hundred yards off. 

I was just patting my dog, and examining the prize, when I heard acrackling among the low bushes near me; and on looking up, perceived, about twenty paces distant, a short, thick-set man, whose fustian jacketand leathern gaiters at once pronounced him the gamekeeper; he stoodleaning upon his gun, quietly awaiting, as it seemed, for any movement onmy part, before he interfered. With one glance I detected how mattersstood, and immediately adopting my usual policy of "taking the bull bythe horns, " called out, in a tone of very sufficient authority, "I say, my man, are you his lordship's gamekeeper?"

Taking off his hat, the man approached me, and very respectfully informedme that he was. 

"Well then, " said I, "present this hare to his lordship with my respects;here is my card, and say I shall be most happy to wait on him in themorning, and explain the circumstance. "

The man took the card, and seemed for some moments undecided how to act;he seemed to think that probably he might be ill-treating a friend of hislordship's if he refused; and on the other hand might be merely"jockeyed" by some bold-faced poacher. Meanwhile I whistled my dog closeup, and humming an air, with great appearance of indifference, steppedout homeward. By this piece of presence of mind I saved poor "Mouche;"for I saw at a glance, that, with true gamekeeper's law, he had beendestined to death the moment he had committed the offence. 

The following morning, as I sat at breakfast, meditating upon the eventsof the preceding day, and not exactly determined how to act, whether towrite to his lordship explaining how the matter occurred, or callpersonally, a loud rattling on the pavement drew me to the window. Asthe house stood at the end of a street, I could not see in the directionthe noise came; but as I listened, a very handsome tandem turned thecorner of the narrow street, and came along towards the hotel at a long, sling trot; the horses were dark chestnuts, well matched, and shewing adeal of blood. The carriage was a dark drab, with black wheels; theharness all of the same colour. The whole turn-out--and I was an amateurof that sort of thing--was perfect; the driver, for I come to him last, as he was the last I looked at, was a fashionable looking young fellow, plainly, but knowingly, dressed, and evidently handling the "ribbon, "like an experienced whip. 

After bringing his nags up to the inndoor in very pretty style, he gavethe reins to his servant, and got down. Before I was well aware of it, the door of my room opened, and the gentleman entered with a certain easyair of good breeding, and saying, "Mr. Lorrequer, I presume--" introduced himself as Lord Kilkee. 

I immediately opened the conversation by an apology for my dog'smisconduct on the day before, and assured his lordship that I knew thevalue of a hare in a hunting country, and was really sorry for thecircumstance. 

"Then I must say, " replied his lordship, "Mr. Lorrequer is the onlyperson who regrets the matter; for had it not been for this, it is morethan probable we should never have known we were so near neighbours; infact, nothing could equal our amazement at hearing were playing the'Solitaire' down here. You must have found it dreadfully heavy, 'ad havethought us downright savages. ' But then I must explain to you, that myfather has made some 'rule absolute' about visiting when down here. Andthough I know you'll not consider it a compliment, yet I can assure youthere is not another man I know of he would pay attention to, butyourself. He made two efforts to get here this morning, but the gout'would not be denied, ' and so he deputed a most inferior 'diplomate;' andnow will you let me return with some character from my first mission, andinform my friends that you will dine with us to-day at seven--a merefamily party; but make your arrangements to stop all night and to-morrow:we shall find some work for my friend there on the hearth; what do youcall him, Mr. Lorrequer?"

"'Mouche'--come here, 'Mouche. '"

"Ah 'Mouche, ' come here, my fine fellow--a splendid dog, indeed; verytall for a thorough-bred; and now you'll not forget, seven, 'tempsmilitaire, ' and so, sans adieu. "

And with these words his lordship shook me heartily by the hand; andbefore two minutes had elapsed, had wrapped his box-coat once more acrosshim, and was round the corner. 

I looked for a few moments on the again silent street, and was almosttempted to believe I was in a dream, so rapidly had the preceding momentspassed over; and so surprised was I to find that the proud Earl ofCallonby, who never did the "civil thing" any where, should think properto pay attention to a poor sub in a marching regiment, whose only claimon his acquaintance was the suspicion of poaching on his manor. Irepeated over and over all his lordship's most polite speeches, trying tosolve the mystery of them; but in vain: a thousand explanations occurred, but none of them I felt at all satisfactory; that there was some mysterysomewhere, I had no doubt; for I remarked all through that Lord Kilkeelaid some stress upon my identity, and even seemed surprised at my beingis such banishment. "Oh, " thought I at last, "his lordship is about toget up private theatricals, and has seen my Captain Absolute, or perhapsmy Hamlet"--I could not say "Othello" even to myself--"and is anxious toget 'such unrivalled talent' even 'for one night only. '"

After many guesses this seemed the nearest I could think of; and by thetime I had finished my dressing for dinner, it was quite clear to me Ihad solved all the secret of his lordship's attentions. 

The road to "Callonby" was beautiful beyond any thing I had ever seen inIreland. For upwards of two miles it led along the margin of the loftycliffs of Moher, now jutting out into bold promontories, and againretreating, and forming small bays and mimic harbours, into which theheavy swell of the broad Atlantic was rolling its deep blue tide. Theevening was perfectly calm, and at a little distance from the shore thesurface of the sea was without a ripple. The only sound breaking thesolemn stillness of the hour, was the heavy plash of the waves, as inminute peals they rolled in upon the pebbly beach, and brought back withthem at each retreat, some of the larger and smoother stones, whosenoise, as they fell back into old ocean's bed, mingled with the din ofthe breaking surf. In one of the many little bays I passed, lay three orfour fishing smacks. The sails were drying, and flapped lazily againstthe mast. I could see the figures of the men as they passed backwards adforwards upon the decks, and although the height was nearly eight hundredfeet, could hear their voices quite distinctly. Upon the golden strand, which was still marked with a deeper tint, where the tide had washed, stood a little white cottage of some fisherman--at least, so the netbefore the door bespoke it. Around it, stood some children, whose merryvoices and laughing tones sometimes reached me where I was standing. Icould not but think, as I looked down from my lofty eyrie, upon thatlittle group of boats, and that lone hut, how much of the "world" to thehumble dweller beneath, lay in that secluded and narrow bay. There, thedeep sea, where their days were passed in "storm or sunshine, "--there, the humble home, where at night they rested, and around whose hearth layall their cares and all their joys. How far, how very far removed fromthe busy haunts of men, and all the struggles and contentions of theambitious world; and yet, how short-sighted to suppose that even they hadnot their griefs and sorrows, and that their humble lot was devoid of theinheritance of those woes, which all are heirs to. 

I turned reluctantly, from the sea-shore to enter the gate of the park, and my path in a few moments was as completely screened from all prospectof the sea, as though it had lain miles inland. An avenue of tall andancient lime trees, so dense in their shadows as nearly to conceal theroad beneath, led for above a mile through a beautiful lawn, whosesurface, gently undulating, and studded with young clumps, was dottedover with sheep. At length, descending by a very steep road, I reached abeautiful little stream, over which a rustic bridge was thrown. As Ilooked down upon the rippling stream beneath, on the surface of which thedusky evening flies were dipping, I made a resolve, if I prospered in hislordship's good graces, to devote a day to the "angle" there, before Ileft the country. It was now growing late, and remember Lord Kilkee'sintimation of "sharp seven, " I threw my reins over my cob, "Sir Roger's"neck, (for I had hitherto been walking, ) and cantered up the steep hillbefore me. When I reached the top, I found myself upon a broad tableland, encircled by old and well-grown timber, and at a distance, mosttastefully half concealed by ornamental planting, I could catch someglimpse of Callonby. Before, however, I had time to look about me, Iheard the tramp of horses' feet behind, and in another moment two ladiesdashed up the steep behind, and came towards me, at a smart gallop, followed by a groom, who, neither himself nor his horse, seemed to relishthe pace of his fair mistresses. I moved off the road into the grass topermit them to pass; but no sooner had they got abreast of me, than SirRoger, anxious for a fair start, flung up both heels at once, pricked uphis ears, and with a plunge that very nearly threw me from the saddle, set off at top speed. My first thought was for the ladies beside me, and, to my utter horror, I now saw them coming alongin full gallop; theirhorses had got off the road, and were, to my thinking, become quiteunmanageable. I endeavoured to pull up, but all in vain. Sir Roger hadgot the bit between his teeth, a favourite trick of his, and I wasperfectly powerless to hold him by this time, they being mounted onthoroughbreds, got a full neck before me, and the pace was nottremendous, on we all came, each horse at his utmost stretch; they wereevidently gaining from the better stride of their cattle, and will it bebelieved, or shall I venture to acknowledge it in these my confessions, that I, who a moment before, would have given my best chance ofpromotion, to be able to pull in my horse, would now have "pledged mydukedom" to be able to give Sir Roger one cut of the whip unobserved. Ileave it to the wise to decipher the rationale, but such is the fact. Itwas complete steeple-chasing, and my blood was up. 

On we came, and I now perceived that about two hundred yards before mestood an iron gate and piers, without any hedge or wall on either side;before I could conjecture the meaning of so strange a thing in the midstof a large lawn, I saw the foremost horse, now two or three lengthsbefore the other, still in advance of me, take two or three shortstrides, and fly about eight feet over a sunk fence--the second followedin the same style, the riders sitting as steadily as in the gallop. Itwas now my turn, and I confess, as I neared the dyke, I heartily wishedmyself well over it, for the very possibility of a "mistake" wasmaddening. Sir Roger came on at a slapping pace, and when within twoyards of the brink, rose to it, and cleared it like a deer. By the timeI had accomplished this feat, not the less to my satisfaction, that bothladies had turned in the saddles to watch me, they were already far inadvance; they held on still at the same pace, round a small copse whichconcealed them an instant from my view, and which, when I passed, Iperceived that they had just reached the hall door, and were dismounting. 

On the steps stood a tall, elderly-looking, gentleman-like person, who Irightly conjectured was his lordship. I heard him laughing heartily as Icame up. I at last succeeded in getting Sir Roger to a canter, and whenabout twenty yards from where the group were standing, sprung off, andhastened up to make my apologies as I best might, for my unfortunaterunaway. I was fortunately spared this awkwardness of an explanation, for his lordship, approaching me with his hand extended, said--

"Mr. Lorrequer is most welcome at Callonby. I cannot be mistaken, I amsure--I have the pleasure of addressing the nephew of my old friend, SirGuy Lorrequer of Elton. I am indeed most happy to see you, and not theless so, that you are safe and sound, which, five minutes since, I assureyou I had my fears for--"

Before I could assure his lordship that my fears were all for mycompetitors in the race--for such in reality they were--he introduced meto the two ladies, who were still standing beside him--"Lady JaneCallonby; Mr. Lorrequer; Lady Catherine. "

"Which of you, young ladies, may I ask, planned this escapade, for I seeby your looks, it was no accident?"

"I think, papa, " said Lady Jane, "you must question Mr. Lorrequer on thathead; he certainly started first. "

"I confess, indeed, " said I, "such was the case. "

"Well, you must confess, too, you were distanced, " said Lady Jane, at thesame time, most terribly provoked, to be quizzed on such a matter; thatI, a steeple-chase horseman of the first water, should be twitted by acouple of young ladies, on the score of a most manly exercise. "Butcome, " said his lordship, "the first bell has rung long since, and I amlonging to ask Mr. Lorrequer all about my old college friend of fortyyears ago. So, ladies, hasten your toilet, I beseech you. "

With these words, his lordship, taking my arm, led me into thedrawing-room, where we had not been many minutes till we were joinedby her ladyship, a tall stately handsome woman, of a certain age;resolutely bent upon being both young and beautiful, in spite of timeand wrinkles; her reception of me, though not possessing the franknessof his lordship, was still very polite, and intended to be evengracious. I now found by the reiterated inquiries for my old uncle, SirGuy, that he it was, and not Hamlet, to whom I owed my present notice, and I must include it among my confessions, that it was about the firstadvantage I ever derived from the relationship. After half an hour'sagreeable chatting, the ladies entered, and then I had time to remarkthe extreme beauty of their appearance; they were both wonderfully like, and except that Lady Jane was taller and more womanly, it would havebeen almost impossible to discriminate between them. 

Lady Jane Callonby was then about twenty years of age, rather above themiddle size, and slightly disposed towards embonpoint; her eye was of thedeepest and most liquid blue, and rendered apparently darker, by longlashes of the blackest jet--for such was the colour of her hair; her noseslightly, but slightly, deviated from the straightness of the Greek, andher upper lip was faultless, as were her mouth and chin; the whole lowerpart of the face, from the perfect "chiselling, " and from the characterof her head, had certainly a great air of hauteur, but the extrememelting softness of her eyes took from this, and when she spoke, therewas a quiet earnestness in her mild and musical voice, that disarmed youat once of connecting the idea of self with the speaker; the word"fascinating, " more than any other I know of, conveys the effect of herappearance, and to produce it, she had more than any other woman I evermet, that wonderful gift, the "l'art de plaire. "

I was roused from my perhaps too earnest, because unconscious gaze, atthe lovely figure before me, by his Lordship saying, "Mr. Lorrequer, herLadyship is waiting for you. " I accordingly bowed, and, offering my arm, led her into the dinner-room. And here I draw rein for the present, reserving for my next chapter--My Adventure at Callonby. 

CHAPTER III. 

LIFE AT CALLONBY--LOVE-MAKING--MISS O'DOWD'S ADVENTURE. 

My first evening at Callonby passed off as nearly all first evenings doevery where. His lordship was most agreeable, talked much of my uncle, Sir Guy, whose fag he had been at Eton half a century before, promised mesome capital shooting in his preserves, discussed the state of politics;and, as the second decanter of port "waned apace, " grew wondrousconfidential, and told me of his intention to start his son for thecounty at the next general election, such being the object which hadnow conferred the honour of his presence on his Irish estates. 

Her ladyship was most condescendingly civil, vouchsafed much tendercommiseration for my "exile, " as she termed my quarters in Kilrush;wondered how I could possibly exist in a marching regiment, (who hadnever been in the cavalry in my life!) Spoke quite feelingly on mykindness in joining their stupid family party, for they were living, touse her own phrase, "like hermits;" and wound up all by a playfulassurance that as she perceived, from all my answers, that I was bent onpreserving a strict incognito, she would tell no tales about me on herreturn to "Town. " Now, it may readily be believed, that all this, andmany more of her ladyship's allusions, were a "Chaldee manuscript" to me;that she knew certain facts of my family and relations, was certain; butthat she had interwoven in the humble web of my history, a very prettyembroidery of fiction was equally so; and while she thus ran on, withinnumerable allusions to Lady Marys and Lord Johns, who she pretended tosuppose were dying to hear from me, I could not help muttering to myselfwith good Christopher Sly, "And all this be true--then Lord be thankedfor my good amends;" for up to that moment I was an ungrateful man forall this high and noble solicitude. One dark doubt shot for an instantacross my brain. Maybe her ladyship had "registered a vow" never tosyllable a name unchronicled by Debrett, or was actually only mystifyingme for mere amusement. A minute's consideration dispelled this fear;for I found myself treated "en Seigneur" by the whole family. As forthe daughters of the house, nothing could possibly be more engaging thantheir manner. The eldest, Lady Jane, was pleased from my nearrelationship to her father's oldest friend to receive me, "from thefirst, " on the most friendly footing; while, with the younger, LadyCatherine, from her being less 'maniere' than her sister, my progress waseven greater; and thus, before we separated for the night, I contrived to"take up my position" in such a fashion, as to be already looked upon asone of the family party, to which object, Lord and indeed Lady Callonbyseemed most willing to contribute, and made me promise to spend theentire of the following day at Callonby, and as many of the succeedingones as my military duties would permit. 

As his lordship was wishing me "good night" at the door of thedrawing-room, he said, in a half whisper, "We were ignorant yesterday, Mr. Lorrequer, how soon we should have hadthe pleasure of seeing you here; and you are therefore condemned to asmall room off the library, it being the only one we can insure you asbeing well aired. I must therefore apprize you that you are not to beshocked at finding yourself surrounded by every member of my family, hung up in frames around you. But as the room is usually my ownsnuggery, I have resigned it without any alteration whatever. "

The apartment for which his lordship had so strongly apologized, stood invery pleasing contrast to my late one in Kilrush. The soft Persiancarpet, on which one's feet sank to the very ankles; the brightlypolished dogs, upon which a blazing wood fire burned; the wellupholstered fauteuils which seemed to invite sleep without the trouble oflying down for it; and last of all, the ample and luxurious bed, uponwhose rich purple hangings the ruddy glare of the fire threw a mostmellow light, was all a pleasing exchange for the "garniture" of the"Hotel Healy. "

"Certes, Harry Lorrequer, " said I, as I threw myself upon a small ottomanbefore the fire in all the slippered case, and abandon of a man who haschanged a dress-coat for a morning-gown; "Certes, thou art destined forgreat things; even here, where fate had seemed 'to do its worst' to thee, a little paradise opens, and what, to ordinary mortals had proved but a'flat, stale, and most unprofitable' quarter, presents to thee all theaccumulated delight of a hospitable mansion, a kind, almost friendly, host, a condescending Madame Mere, and daughters too! Ah ye Gods! Butwhat is this;" and here, for the first time, lifting up my eyes, Iperceived a beautiful water-colour drawing in the style of "Chalon, "which was placed above the chimney-piece. I rose at once, and taking acandle, proceeded to examine it more minutely. It was a portrait of LadyJane, a full-length too, and wonderfully like; there was more complexion, and perhaps more roundness in the figure than her present appearancewould justify; but if any thing was gained in brilliancy, it wascertainly lost in point of expression; and I infinitely preferred herpale, but beautifully fair countenance, to the rosy cheek of the picture;the figure was faultless; the same easy grace, the result of perfectsymmetry and refinement together, which only one in a thousand of evenhandsome girls possess, was pourtrayed to the life. The more I looked, the more I felt charmed with it. Never had I seen any thing so trulycharacteristic as this sketch, for it was scarcely more. It was afternearly an hour's quiet contemplation, that I began to remember thelateness of the night; an hour, in which my thoughts had rambled from thelovely object before me, to wonder at the situation in which I foundmyself placed; for there was so much of "empressement" towards me, in themanner of every member of the family, coupled with certain mistakes as tomy habits and acquaintances, as left me perfectly unable to unravel themystery which so evidently surrounded me. "Perhaps, " thought I, "Sir Guyhas written in my behalf to his lordship. Oh, he would never do anything half so civil. Well, to be sure, I shall astonish them at headquarters; they'll not believe this. I wonder if Lady Jane saw my'Hamlet;' for they landed in Cork from Bristol about that time. She isindeed a most beautiful girl. I wish I were a marquis, if it were onlyfor her sake. Well, my Lord Callonby, you may be a very wise man in theHouse of Lords; but, I would just ask, is it exactly prudent to introduceinto your family on terms of such perfect intimacy, a young, fascinating, well-looking fellow, of four-and-twenty, albeit only a subaltern, withtwo such daughters as you have? Peut etre! One thing is certain--I haveno cause of complaint; and so, good night, Lady Jane"--and with thosewords I fell asleep, to dream of the deepest blue eyes, and the mostmelting tones that ever reduced a poor lieutenant in a marching regimentto curse his fate, that he could not call the Commander of the Forces hisfather. 

When I descended to the breakfast-room, I found the whole familyassembled in a group around Lord Kilkee, who had just returned from adistant part of the county, where he had been canvassing the electors, and spouting patriotism the day before. He was giving an account of hisprogress with much spirit and humour as I entered, but, on seeing me, immediately came forward, and shook hands with me like an oldacquaintance. By Lord Callonby and the ladies I was welcomed alsowith much courtesy and kindness, ad some slight badinage passed upon mysleeping, in what Lord Kilkee called the "Picture Gallery, " which, forall I knew to the contrary, contained but one fair portrait. I am not abeliever in Mesmer; but certainly there must have been some influence atwork--very like what we hear of "magnetism"--for before the breakfast wasconcluded, there seemed at once to spring up a perfect understandingbetween this family and myself, which made me feel as much 'chez moi', as I had ever done in my life; and from that hour I may date an intimacywhich every succeeding day but served to increase. 

After breakfast Lord Callonby consigned me to the guidance of his son, and we sallied forth to deal destruction amongst the pheasants, withwhich the preserves were stocked; and here I may observe, 'en passant', that with the single exception of fox-hunting, which was ever a passionwith me, I never could understand that inveterate pursuit of game towhich some men devote themselves--thus, grouse-shooting, and itsattendant pleasures, of stumping over a boggy mountain from day-lighttill dark, never had much attraction for me; and, as to the delights ofwidgeon and wild-duck shooting, when purchased by sitting up all night ina barrel, with your eye to the bung, I'll none of it--no, no! Give meshooting or angling merely as a divertimento, a pleasant interludebetween breakfast and luncheon-time, when, consigning your Manton to acorner, and the game keeper "to the dogs, " you once more humanize yourcostume to take a canter with the daughters of the house; or, if the daylook loweringly, a match of billiards with the men. 

I have ever found that the happiest portions of existence are the mostdifficult to chronicle. We may--nay, we must, impart our miseries andannoyances to our many "dear friends, " whose forte is sympathy orconsolation--and all men are eloquent on the subject of their woes; notso with their joys: some have a miser-like pleasure in hoarding them upfor their own private gratification; others--and they are prudent--feelthat the narrative is scarcely agreeable even to their best friends; anda few, of whom I confess myself one, are content to be happy withoutknowing why, and to have pleasant souvenirs, without being able toexplain them. 

Such must be my apology for not more minutely entering upon an account ofmy life at Callonby. A fortnight had now seen me 'enfonce', the dailycompanion of two beautiful girls in all their walks and rides, through aromantic, unfrequented country, seeing but little of the other members ofthe family; the gentlemen being entirely occupied by their electiontactics, and Lady Callonby being a late riser, seldom appeared before thedinner hour. There was not a cliff upon the bold and rocky coast we didnot climb, not a cave upon the pebbly beach unvisited; sometimes my faircompanions would bring a volume of Metastasio down to the little riverwhere I used to angle; and the "gentle craft" was often abandoned for theheart-thrilling verses of that delightful poet. Yes, many years havepassed over, and these scenes are still as fresh in my memory as thoughthey had been of yesterday. In my memory, I say, as for thee

 "Qui sa si te Ti sovrerai di me. "

At the end of three weeks the house became full of company, from thegarret to the cellar. Country gentlemen and their wives and daughterscame pouring in, on every species of conveyance known since the flood;family coaches, which, but for their yellow panels, might have beenmistaken for hearses, and high barouches, the "entree" to which wasaccomplished by a step-ladder, followed each other in what appeared anever-ending succession; and here I may note an instance of the anomalouscharacter of the conveyances, from an incident to which I was a witnessat the time. 

Among the visitors on the second day came a maiden lady from theneighbourhood of Ennistimon, Miss Elizabeth O'Dowd, the last of a veryold and highly respectable family in the county, and whose extensiveproperty, thickly studded with freeholders, was a strong reason for herbeing paid every attention in Lord Callonby's power to bestow; Miss BettyO'Dowd--for so she was generally styled--was the very personification ofan old maid; stiff as a ramrod, and so rigid in observance of theproprieties of female conduct, that in the estimation of the Claregentry, Diana was a hoyden compared to her. 

Miss Betty lived, as I have said, near Ennistimon, and the road fromthence to Callonby at the time I speak of--it was before Mr. Nimmo--was alike the bed of a mountain torrent as a respectable highway; there wereholes that would have made a grave for any maiden lady within fiftymiles; and rocks thickly scattered, enough to prove fatal to thestrongest wheels that ever issued from "Hutton's. " Miss O'Dowd knew thiswell; she had upon one occasion been upset in travelling it--and aslate-coloured silk dress bore the dye of every species of mud and mireto be found there, for many a year after, to remind her of hermisfortune, and keep open the wound of her sorrow. When, therefore, theinvitation to Callonby arrived, a grave council of war was summoned, todeliberate upon the mode of transit, for the honour could not bedeclined, "coute qui coute. " The chariot was out of the question;Nicholas declared it would never reach the "Moraan Beg, " as the firstprecipice was called; the inside car was long since pronounced unfit forhazardous enterprise; and the only resource left, was what is called inHibernian parlance, a "low-backed car, " that is, a car without any backwhatever; it being neither more nor less than the common agriculturalconveyance of the country, upon which, a feather bed being laid, thefarmers' wives and daughters are generally conveyed to fairs, wakes, andstations, &c. Putting her dignity, if not in her pocket, at leastwherever it could be most easily accommodated, Miss O'Dowd placed herfair self, in all the plenitude of her charms and the grandeur of a"bran new green silk, " a "little off the grass, and on the bottle, "(I love to be particular, ) upon this humble voiture, and set out on herway, if not "rejoicing, " at least consoled by Nicholas, that "It 'id beblack dark when they reached the house, and the devil a one 'id be thewiser than if she came in a coach and four. " Nicholas was right; it wasperfectly dark on their arrival at Callonby, and Miss O'Dowd havingdismounted, and shook her plumage, a little crumpled by herhalf-recumbent position for eight miles, appeared in the drawing-room, to receive the most courteous attentions from Lady Callonby, and fromhis lordship the most flattering speeches for her kindness in riskingherself and bringing her horses on such a dreadful road, and assured herof his getting a presentment the very next assizes to repair it; "For weintend, Miss O'Dowd, " said he, "to be most troublesome neighbours to youin future. "

The evening passed off most happily. Miss O'Dowd was delighted with herhosts, whose character she resolved to maintain in spite of theirreputation for pride and haughtiness. Lady Jane sang an Irish melody forher, Lady Callonby gave her slips of a rose geranium she got from thePrincess Augusta, and Lord Kilkee won her heart by the performance ofthat most graceful step 'yclept "cover the buckle" in an Irish jig. But, alas! how short-lived is human bliss, for while this estimable ladyrevelled in the full enjoyment of the hour, the sword of Damocles hungsuspended above her head; in plain English, she had, on arriving atCallonby, to prevent any unnecessary scrutiny into the nature of herconveyance, ordered Nicholas to be at the door punctually at eleven; andthen to take an opportunity of quietly slipping open the drawing-roomdoor, and giving her an intimation of it, that she might take her leaveat once. Nicholas was up to time, and having disposed the conveyanceunder the shadow of the porch, made his way to the door of thedrawing-room unseen and unobserved. He opened it gently andnoiselessly, merely sufficient to take a survey of the apartment, inwhich, from the glare of the lights, and the busy hum of voices, he wasso bewildered that it was some minutes before he recognized hismistress. At last he perceived her; she was seated at a card-table, playing whist with Lord Callonby for her partner. Who the other playerswere, he knew not. A proud man was Nicholas, as he saw his mistressthus placed, actually sitting, as he afterwards expressed it, "forenintthe Lord, " but his thoughts were bent on other matters, and it was notime to indulge his vauntings. 

He strove for some time patiently, to catch her eye, for she was sosituated as to permit of this, but without success. He then made aslight attempt to attract her attention by beckoning with his finger; allin vain. "Oh murther, " said he, "what is this for? I'll have to spakeafther all. "

"Four by honours, " said his lordship, "and the odd trick. Anotherdouble, I believe, Miss O'Dowd. "

Miss O'Dowd nodded a graceful assent, while a sharp-looking old dowagerat the side of the table called out, "a rubber of four on, my Lord;" andnow began an explanation from the whole party at once. Nicholas saw thiswas his time, and thought that in the melee, his hint might reach hismistress unobserved by the remainder of the company. He accordinglyprotruded his head into the room, and placing his finger upon the side ofhis nose, and shutting one eye knowingly, with an air of great secrecy, whispered out, "Miss Betty--Miss Betty, alanah!" For some minutes thehum of the voices drowned his admonitions--but as, by degrees waxingwarmer in the cause, he called out more loudly, --every eye was turned tothe spot from whence these extraordinary sounds proceeded; and certainlythe appearance of Nicholas at the moment was well calculated to astonishthe "elegans" of a drawing room. With his one eye fixed eagerly in thedirection of his mistress, his red scratch wig pushed back off hisforehead, in the eagerness of his endeavour to be heard, there he stood, perfectly unmindful of all around, save Miss O'Dowd herself. It may wellbe believed, that such an apparition could not be witnessed with gravity, and, accordingly a general titter ran through the room, the whist partystill contending about odd tricks and honours, being the only personsinsensible to the mirth around them--"Miss Betty, arrah, Miss Betty, "said Nicholas with a sigh that converted the subdued laughter of theguests into a perfect burst of mirth. 

"Eh, " said his lordship, turning round; "what is this? We are losingsomething excellent, I fear. "

At this moment, he caught a glimpse of Nicholas, and, throwing himselfback in this chair, laughed immoderately. It was now Miss Betty's turn;she was about to rise from the table, when the well-known accents ofNicholas fell upon her ear. She fell back in her seat--there he was: themessenger of the foul fiend himself would have been more welcome at thatmoment. Her blood rushed to her face and temples; her hands tingled; sheclosed her eyes, and when she opened them, there stood the accursedNicholas glowering at her still. 

"Man--man!" said she at length; "what do you mean, what do you wanthere?"

Poor Nicholas, little guessing that the question was intended to throw adoubt upon her acquaintance with him, and conceiving that the hour forthe announcement had come, hesitated for an instant how he shoulddesignate the conveyance. He could not call it a coach! It certainlywas not a buggy--neither was it a jaunting car--what should he say--helooked earnestly, and even imploringly at his mistress, as if to conveysome sense of his difficulty, and then, as it were, catching a suddeninspiration, winked once more--as he said:--

"Miss Betty--the--the--the--, " and here he looked indescribably droll;"the thing, you know, is at the door. "

All his Lordship's politeness was too little for the occasion, and MissO'Dowd's tenantry were lost to the Callonby interest for ever. 

CHAPTER IV. 

BOTANICAL STUDIES--THE NATURAL SYSTEM PREFERABLE TO THE LINNEAN. 

"The carriage is at the door, my lord, " said a servant, entering theluncheon-room where we were all assembled. 

"Now then, Mr. Lorrequer, " said Lord Callonby, "allons, take anotherglass of wine, and let us away. I expect you to make a most brilliantspeech, remember!"

His lordship here alluded to our intention of visiting a remote barony, where a meeting of the freeholders was that day to be held, and at whichI was pledged for a "neat and appropriate" oration in abuse of the cornlaws and the holy alliance. 

"I beg pardon, my lord, " said her ladyship in a most languishing tone;"but Mr. Lorrequer is pre-engaged; he has for the last week beenpromising and deterring his visit to the new conservatory with me; wherehe is to find out four or five of the Swiss shrubs that Collins cannotmake out--and which I am dying to know all about. "

"Mr. Lorrequer is a false man then, " said Lady Catherine, "for he said atbreakfast, that we should devote this afternoon to the chalk caves--asthe tide will be so far out, we can see them all perfectly. "

"And I, " said Lord Kilkee, "must put in my plea, that the aforesaid Mr. Lorrequer is booked for a coursing match--'Mouche versus Jessie. '--Guiltyor not guilty?"

Lady Jane alone of all said not a word. 

"Guilty on every count of the indictment, " said I; "I throw myself on themercy of the court. "

"Let his sentence then be banishment, " said Lady Catherine with affectedanger, "and let him go with papa. "

"I rather think, " said Lord Kilkee, "the better plan is to let him visitthe conservatory, for I'd wager a fifty he finds it more difficult toinvent botany, than canvass freeholders; eh?"

"I am sure, " said Lady Jane, for the first time breaking silence, "thatmamma is infinitely flattered by the proposal that Mr. Lorrequer'scompany is to be conferred upon her for his sins. "

"I am not to be affronted, nor quizzed out of my chaperon; here, Mr. Lorrequer, " said Lady Callonby rising, "get Smith's book there, and letme have your arm; and now, young ladies, come along, and learn something, if you can. "

"An admirable proviso, " said Lord Kilkee, laughing; "if his botany beonly as authentic as the autographs he gave Mrs. MacDermot, and all ofwhich he wrote himself, in my dressing-room, in half an hour. Napoleonwas the only difficult one in the number. "

Most fortunately this unfair disclosure did not reach her ladyship'sears, as she was busily engaged putting on her bonnet, and I was yetunassailed in reputation to her. 

"Good bye, then, " said Lord Callonby; "we meet at seven;" and in a fewmoments the little party were scattered to their several destinations. 

"How very hot you have this place, Collins, " said Lady Callonby as weentered the conservatory. 

"Only seventy-five, my lady, and the Magnolias require heat. "

I here dropped a little behind, as if to examine a plant, and in ahalf-whisper said to Lady Jane--

"How came it that you alone, Lady Jane, should forget I had made anotherappointment? I thought you wished to make a sketch of Craigmoran Abbey--did you forget that we were to ride there to-day?"

Before she could reply, Lady Callonby called out--"Oh, here it is, Mr. Lorrequer. Is this a heath? that is the question. "

Here her ladyship pointed to a little scrubby thing, that looked verylike a birch rod. I proceeded to examine it most minutely, while Collinswaited with all the intense anxiety of a man whose character depended onthe sentence. 

"Collins will have it a jungermania, " said she. 

"And Collins is right, " said I, not trusting myself with thepronunciation of the awful word her ladyship uttered. 

Collins looked ridiculously happy. 

"Now that is so delightful, " said Lady Callonby, as she stopped to lookfor another puzzle. 

"What a wretch it is, " said Lady Catherine, covering her face with ahandkerchief. 

"What a beautiful little flower, " said Lady Jane, lifting up the bell ofa "lobelia splendens. "

"You know, of course, " said I, "what they call that flower in France--L'amour tendre. "

"Indeed!"

"True, I assure you; may I present you with this sprig of it, " cuttingoff a small twig, and presenting it at the same instant unseen by theothers. 

She hesitated for an instant, and then extending her fair and taper handtook it. I dared not look at her as she did so, but a proud swellingtriumph at my heart nearly choked me. 

"Now Collins, " said Lady Callonby, "I cannot find the Alpen tree Ibrought home from the Grundenwald. "

Collins hurried forward to her ladyship's side. 

Lady Catherine was also called to assist in the search. 

I was alone with Lady Jane. 

"Now or never, " thought I; I hesitated--I stammered--my voice faltered. She saw my agitation; she participated in, and increased it. At last Isummoned up courage to touch her hand; she gently withdrew it--but sogently, it was not a repulse. 

"If Lady Jane, " said I at length, "if the devoted--"

"Holloa, there, " said a deep voice without; "is Mr. Lorrequer there?"

It was Lord Kilkee, returned from his coursing match. None but he whohas felt such an interruption, can feel for me. I shame to say that hisbrotherhood to her, for whom I would have perilled my life, restrained menot from something very like a hearty commendation of him to the powersthat burn--

"Down, dogs, there--down, " continued he, and in a moment after enteredthe conservatory flushed and heated with the chace. 

"Mouche is the winner--two to one--and so, Master Shallow, I owe you athousand pounds. "

Would to heaven that I had lost the wager, had it only taken a littlelonger to decide it! I of course appeared overjoyed at my dog's success, and listened with great pretence of interest to the narrative of the"run;" the more so, because that though perhaps more my friend than theolder members of the family, Lord Kilkee evidently liked less than them, my growing intimacy with his sister; and I was anxious to blind him onthe present occasion, when, but for his recent excitement, very littlepenetration would have enabled him to detect that something unusual hadtaken place. 

It was now so nearly dark, that her ladyship's further search for thealpine treasure became impossible, and so we turned our steps towards thegarden, where we continued to walk till joined by Lord Callonby. And nowbegan a most active discussion upon agriculture, rents, tithes, andtoryism, in which the ladies took but little part; and I had themortification to perceive that Lady Jane was excessively 'ennuyee', andseized the first opportunity to leave the party and return to the house;while her sister gave me from time to time certain knowing glances, as ifintimating that my knowledge of farming and political economy was prettymuch on a par with my proficiency in botany. 

One has discovered me at least, thought I; but the bell had rung to dressfor dinner, and I hastened to my room to think over future plans, andonce more wonder at the singular position into which fate and the "rulesof the service" had thrown me. 

CHAPTER V. 

PUZZLED--EXPLANATION--MAKES BAD WORSE--THE DEED

"Any letters?" said her ladyship to a servant, as she crossed the hall. 

"Only one, my lady--for Mr. Lorrequer, I believe. "

"For me!" thought I; "how is this?" My letters had been hitherto alwaysleft in Kilrush. Why was this forwarded here? I hurried to thedrawing-room, where I found a double letter awaiting me. The writing wasCurzon's and contained the words "to be forwarded with haste" on thedirection. I opened and read as follows:--

"Dear Lorrequer, --Have you any recollection, among your numerous'escapades' at Cork, of having grievously insulted a certain Mr. GilesBeamish, in thought, word, or deed? If you have, I say, let me know withall convenient despatch, whether the offence be one admitting of apology--for if not, the Lord have mercy on your soul--a more wrothy gentlemanthan the aforesaid, it having rarely been my evil fortune to foregatherwith. He called here yesterday to inquire your address, and at mysuggestion wrote a note, which I now enclose. I write in great haste, and am ever yours faithfully, C. Curzon. 

"N. B. --I have not seen his note, so explain all and every thing. "

The inclosed letter ran thus:

"Sir, --It can scarcely have escaped your memory, though now nearly twomonths since, that at the Mayor's 'dejeune' in Cork, you were pleased tomake merry at my expense, and expose me and my family for your amusement. This is to demand an immediate apology, or that satisfaction which, as anofficer, you will not refuse your most obedient servant, Giles Beamish, Swinburne's Hotel. "

"Giles Beamish! Giles Beamish!" said I, repeating the name in everyvariety of emphasis, hoping to obtain some clue to the writer. Had Ibeen appointed the umpire between Dr. Wall and his reviewers, in the latecontroversy about "phonetic signs, " I could not have been more completelypuzzled than by the contents of this note. "Make merry at his expense!"a great offence truly--I suppose I have laughed at better men than everhe was; and I can only say of such innocent amusement, as Falstaff did ofsack and sugar, if such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked. " But Iwish I knew who he is, or what he alludes to, provided he is not mad, which I begin to think not improbable. "By the bye, my Lord, do you knowany such person in the south as a Mr. Beamish--Giles Beamish?"

"To be sure, " said Lord Callonby, looking up from his newspaper, "thereare several of the name of the highest respectability. One is analderman of Cork--a very rich man, too--but I don't remember hisChristian name. "

"An alderman, did you say?"

"Yes. Alderman Beamish is very well known. I have seen him frequently--a short florid, little man. "

"Oh, it must be him, " said I, musingly, "it must have been this worthyalderman, from whose worshipful person I tore the robe of office on thenight of the fete. But what does he mean by 'my exposing him and hisfamily?' Why, zounds, his wife and children were not with him on thepavement. Oh, I see it; it is the mansion-house school of eloquence; didnot Sir William Curtis apologise for not appearing at court, from havinglost an eye, which he designated as an awful 'domestic calamity. '"

It being now settled to my satisfaction, that Mr. Beamish and the greatuncloaked were "convertible terms, " I set about making the 'amende' inthe most handsome manner possible. I wrote to the alderman a mostpacific epistle, regretting that my departure from Cork deprived me ofmaking reparation before, and expressing a most anxious hope that "hecaught no cold, " and a fervent wish that "he would live many years tograce and ornament the dignity of which his becoming costume was theemblem. " This I enclosed in a note to Curzon, telling him how the matteroccurred, and requesting that he would send it by his servant, togetherwith the scarlet vestment which he would find in my dressing-room. Having folded and sealed this despatch, I turned to give Lord Callonby anaccount of the business, and showed him Beamish's note, at which he wasgreatly amused: and, indeed, it furnished food for mirth for the wholeparty during the evening. The next morning I set out with Lord Callonbyon the long-threatened canvassing expedition--with the details of which Ineed not burden my "Confessions. " Suffice it to say, that when LordKilkee was advocating Toryism in the west, I, his accredited ambassador, was devoting to the infernal gods the prelacy, the peerage, and thepension list--a mode of canvass well worthy of imitation in thesetroublesome times; for, not to speak of the great prospect of successfrom having friends on both sides of the question, the principal canalways divest himself of any unpleasant consequences as regardsinconsistency, by throing the blame on this friend, "who went too far, "as the appropriate phrase is. 

Nothing could be more successful than our mission. Lord Callonby wasdelighted beyond bounds with the prospect, and so completely carried awayby high spirits, and so perfectly assured that much of it was owing to myexertions, that on the second morning of our tour--for we proceededthrough the county for three days--he came laughing into mydressing-room, with a newspaper in his hand. 

"Here, Lorrequer, " said he, "here's news for you. You certainly mustread this, " and he handed me a copy of the "Clare Herald, " with anaccount of our meeting the evening before. 

After glancing my eye rapidly over the routine usual in such cases--Humph, ha--nearly two hundred people--most respectable farmers--roomappropriately decorated--"Callonby Arms"--"after the usual loyal toasts, the chairman rose"--Well, no matter. Ah! here it is: "Mr. Lorrequer hereaddressed the meeting with a flow of eloquence it has rarely, if ever, been our privilege to hear equalled. He began by"--humph--

"Ah, " said his lordship, impatiently, "you will never find it out--lookhere--'Mr. Lorrequer, whom we have mentioned as having made the highlyexciting speech, to be found in our first page, is, we understand, theson of Sir Guy Lorrequer, of Elton, in Shropshire--one of the wealthiestbaronets in England. If rumour speak truly, there is a very nearprospect of an alliance between this talented and promising younggentleman, and the beautiful and accomplished daughter of a certainnoble earl, with whom he has been for some time domesticated. "

"Eh, what think you? Son of Sir Guy Lorrequer. I always thought my oldfriend a bachelor, but you see the 'Clare Herald' knows better. Not tospeak of the last piece of intelligence, it is very good, is it not?"

"Capital, indeed, " said I, trying to laugh, and at the same time blushingconfoundedly, and looking as ridiculously as need be. 

It now struck me forcibly that there was something extremely odd in hislordship's mention of this paragraph, particularly when coupled with hisand Lady Callonby's manner to me for the last two months. They knewenough of my family, evidently, to be aware of my station and prospects--or rather my want of both--and yet, in the face of this, they not onlyencouraged me to prolong a most delightful visit, but by a thousand dailyand dangerous opportunities, absolutely threw me in the way of one of theloveliest of her sex, seemingly without fear on their parts. "'Eh bien, '"thought I, with my old philosophy, "Time, that 'pregnant old gentleman, 'will disclose all, and so 'laisse, aller. '"

My reveries on my good and evil fortune were suddenly interrupted by aletter which reached me that evening, having been forwarded from Callonbyby a special messenger. "What! Another epistle from Curzon, " said I, asmy eye caught the address, and wondering not a little what pressingemergency had called forth the words on the cover--"to be forwarded withhaste. " I eagerly broke the seal and read the following:

"My Dear Harry, --I received yours on the 11th, and immediately despatchedyour note and the raiment to Mr. Beamish. He was from home at the time, but at eight o'clock I was sent for from the mess to see two gentlemen onmost pressing business. I hurried to my quarters, and there found theaforesaid Mr. B. Accompanied by a friend, whom he introduced as Dr. DeCourcy Finucane, of the North Cork Militia--as warlike looking agentleman, of his inches, some five feet three, as you would wish to see. The moment I appeared, both rose, and commenced a narrative, for such Ijudge it to be, but so energetically and so completely together, that Icould only bow politely, and at last request that one, or the other, would inform me of the object of their visit. Here began the tug of war, the Doctor saying, 'Arrah, now Giles'--Mr. Beamish interrupting by'Whisht, I tell ye--now, can't you let me! Ye see, Mr. Curzoin'--for sothey both agreed to designate me. At last, completely worn out, I said, 'Perhaps you have not received my friend's note?' At this Mr. Beamishreddened to the eyes, and with the greatest volubility poured forth aflood of indignant eloquence, that I thought it necessary to check; butin this I failed, for after informing me pretty clearly, that he knewnothing of your story of the alderman, or his cloak, added, that hefirmly believed your pretended reparation was only a renewed insult, andthat--but in a word, he used such language, that I was compelled to takehim short; and the finale is, that I agreed you should meet him, thoughstill ignorant of what he calls the 'original offence. '--But heavenknows, his conduct here last night demands a reprimand, and I hope youmay give it; and if you shoot him, we may worm out the secret from hisexecutors. Nothing could exceed the politeness of the parties on myconsenting to this arrangement. Dr. Finucane proposed Carrigaholt, asthe rendezvous, about 12 miles, I believe, from Kilrush, and Tuesdayevening at six as the time, which will be the very earliest moment we canarrive there. So, pray be up to time, and believe me yours, C. Curzon, Saturday Evening. "

It was late on Monday evening when this letter reached me, and there wasno time to be lost, as I was then about 40 Irish miles from the placementioned by Curzon; so after briefly acquainting Lord Callonby that Iwas called off by duty, I hurried to my room to pack my clothes, andagain read over this extraordinary epistle. 

I confess it did appear something droll, how completely Curzon seemed toimbibe the passion for fighting from these "blood-thirsty Irishmen. "For by his own showing he was utterly ignorant of my ever having offendedthis Mr. Beamish, of whom I recollected nothing whatever. Yet when thegentleman waxes wrothy, rather than inconvenience him, or perhaps anxiousto get back to the mess, he coolly says, "Oh, my friend shall meet you, "and then his pleasant jest, "find out the cause of quarrel from hisexecutors!"

Truly, thought I, there is no equanimity like his who acts as your secondin a duel. The gentlemanlike urbanity with which he waits on theopposite friend--the conciliating tone with which he proffers implacableenmity--the killing kindness with which he refuses all accommodation--theTalleyrand air of his short notes, dated from the "Travellers, " or"Brookes, " with the words 3 o'clock or 5 o'clock on the cover, allindicative of the friendly precipitancy of the negociation. Then, whenall is settled, the social style with which he asks you to take a"cutlet" with him at the "Clarendon, " not to go home--are only to beequalled by the admirable tact on the ground--the studiously elegantsalute to the adverse party, half a la Napoleon, and half Beau Brummell--the politely offered snuff-box--the coquetting raillery about 10 pacesor 12--are certainly the beau ideal of the stoicism which preludessending your friend out of the world like a gentleman. 

How very often is the face of external nature at variance with thethoughts and actions--"the sayings and doings" we may be most intent uponat the moment. How many a gay and brilliant bridal party has wended itsway to St. George's, Hanover-square, amid a downpour of rain, one wouldsuppose sufficient to quench the torch of Hymen, though it burned asbrightly as Capt. Drummond's oxygen light; and on the other hand, howfrequently are the bluest azure of heaven and the most balmy airs shedupon the heart bursting with affliction, or the head bowed with grief;and without any desire to impugn, as a much high authority has done, themoral character of the moon, how many a scene of blood and rapine has itsmild radiance illumined. Such reflections as these came thronging to mymind, as on the afternoon of Tuesday I neared the little village of ourrendezvous. 

The scene which in all its peaceful beauty lay before me, was truly abitter contrast to the occasion that led me thither. I stood upon alittle peninsula which separates the Shannon from the wide Atlantic. Onone side the placed river flowed on its course, between fields of wavingcorn, or rich pasturage--the beautiful island of Scattery, with itspicturesque ruins reflected in the unrippled tide--the cheerful voices ofthe reapers, and the merry laugh of the children were mingled with theseaman's cry of the sailors, who were "heaving short" on their anchor, to take the evening tide. The village, which consisted of merely a fewsmall cabins, was still from its situation a pleasing object in thepicture, and the blue smoke that rose in slender columns from the humbledwellings, took from the scene its character of loneliness, and suggestedfeelings of home and homely enjoyments, which human habitations, however, lowly, never fail to do. 

"At any other time, " thought I, "and how I could have enjoyed all this, but now--and, ha, I find it is already past five o'clock, and if I amrightly informed I am still above a mile from 'Carrigaholt, ' where wewere to meet. "

I had dismissed my conveyance when nearing the village, to avoidobservation, and now took a foot-path over the hills. Before I hadproceeded half a mile, the scene changed completely. I found myselftraversing a small glen, grown over with a low oak scrub, and notpresenting, on any side, the slightest trace of habitation. I saw thatthe ground had been selected by an adept. The glen, which grew narrow asI advanced, suddenly disclosed to my view a glimpse of the Atlantic, uponwhich the declining sun was pouring a flood of purple glory. I hadscarcely turned from the contemplation of this beautiful object, when along low whistle attracted my attention. I looked in the direction fromwhence it proceeded, and discovered at some distance from me threefigures standing beside the ruin of an old Abbey, which I now for thefirst time perceived. 

If I had entertained any doubt as to who they were, it had been speedilyresolved, for I now saw one of the party waving his hat to me, whom, Isoon recognized to be Curzon; he came forward to meet me, and, in the fewhundred yards that intervened before our reaching the others, told me asmuch as he knew of the opposite party; which, after all, was but little. Mr. Beamish, my adversary, he described as a morose, fire-eatingsouthern, that evidently longed for an "affair" with a military man, thenconsidered a circumstance of some eclat in the south; his second, thedoctor, on the contrary, was by far "the best of the cut-throats, " a mostamusing little personage, full of his own importance, and profuse in hislegends of his own doings in love and war, and evidently disposed to takethe pleasing side of every occurrence in life; they both agreed in butone point--a firm and fixed resolve to give no explanation of the quarrelwith me. "So then, " said I, as Curzon hurried over the precedingaccount, "you absolutely know nothing whatever of the reason for which Iam about to give this man a meeting. "

"No more than you, " said Curzon, with imperturbable gravity; "but onething I am certain of--had I not at once promised him such, he would haveposted you in Limerick the next morning; and as you know our mess rule inthe 4_th, I thought it best--"

"Oh, certainly, quite right; but now are you quite certain I am the manwho offended him? For I solemnly assure you, I have not the most remoterecollection of having ever heard of him. "

"That point, " said Curzon, "there can be no doubt of, for he not onlydesignated you as Mr. Harry Lorrequer, but the gentleman that made allCork laugh so heartily, by his representation of Othello. "

"Stop!" said I, "say not a word more; I'm his man. "

By this time we had reached the ruins, and turning a corner came in fullcontact with the enemy; they had been resting themselves on a tombstoneas we approached. 

"Allow me, " said Curzon, stepping a little in advance of me; "allow me tointroduce my friend Mr. Lorrequer, Dr. Finicane, --Dr. Finicane, Mr. Lorrequer. "

"Finucane, if quite agreeable to you; Finucane, " said the littlegentleman, as he lifted his hat straight off his head, and replaced itmost accurately, by way of salute. "Mr. Lorrequer, it is with sincerepleasure I make your acquaintance. " Here Mr. Beamish bowed stiffly, inreturn to my salutation, and at the instant a kind of vague sensationcrossed my mind, that those red whiskers, and that fiery face were notseen for the first time; but the thumbscrews of the holy office wouldhave been powerless to refresh my memory as to when. 

"Captain, " said the doctor, "may I request the favour of your companythis way, one minute;" they both walked aside; the only words whichreached me as I moved off, to permit their conference, being an assuranceon the part of the doctor, "that it was a sweet spot he picked out, for, by having them placed north and south, neither need have a patch of skybehind him. " Very few minutes sufficed for preliminaries, and they bothadvanced, smirking and smiling, as if they had just arranged a new planfor the amelioration of the poor, or the benefit of the manufacturingclasses, instead of making preparations for sending a gentleman out ofthe world. 

"Then if I understand you, captain, " said the doctor, "you step thedistance, and I give the word. "

"Exactly, " said Curzon. 

After a joking allusion to my friend's length of limb, at which we alllaughed heartily, we were placed, Curzon and the doctor standing andbreaking the line between us; the pistols were then put into our hands, the doctor saying--"Now, gentlemen, I'll just retire six paces, and turnround, which will be quite time enough to prepare, and at the word'fire, ' ye'll blaze away; mind now. " With a knowing wink, the doctordelivered this direction, and immediately moved off; the word "fire"followed, and both pistols went off together. My hat was struck near thetop, and, as the smoke cleared away, I perceived that my ball had takeneffect upon my adversary; he was wounded a little below the knee andappeared to steady himself with the greatest difficulty. "You friend ishit, " said Curzon, to the doctor, who now came forward with anotherpistol. "You friend is hit. "

"So I perceive, " said he, placing his finger on the spot; "but it is noharm in life; so we proceed, if you please. "

"You don't mean to demand another shot?" said Curzon. 

"Faith, do I, " said the doctor coolly. 

"Then, " said Curzon, "I must tell you most unequivocally, I refuse, andshall now withdraw my friend; and had it not been for a regulationpeculiar to our regiment, but never intended to include cases of thisnature, we had not been here now; for up to this hour my principal andmyself are in utter ignorance of any cause of offence ever having beenoffered by him to Mr. Beamish. "

"Giles, do you hear this?" said the doctor. 

But Giles did not hear it, for the rapid loss of blood from his wound hadso weakened him, that he had fainted, and now lay peaceably on the grass. Etiquette was now at an end, and we all ran forward to assist the woundedman; for some minutes he lay apparently quite senseless, and when he atlast rallied and looked wildly about him, it appeared to be withdifficulty that he recalled any recollection of the place, and the peoplearound him; for a few seconds he fixed his eyes steadily upon the doctor, and with a lip pale and bloodless, and a voice quivering from weakness, said, "Fin! Didn't I tell ye, that pistol always threw high--oh!" and this hesaid with a sigh that nearly overpowered him, "Oh, Fin, if you had onlygiven me the saw-handled one, that I AM USED TO; but it is no goodtalking now. "

In my inmost heart I was grateful to the little doctor for his mistake, for I plainly perceived what "the saw-handled one he was used to" mighthave done for me, and could not help muttering to myself with good SirAndrew--"If I had known he was so cunning of fence, I'd have seen himdamned before that I fought with him. "

Our first duty was now to remove the wounded man to the high road, aboutwhich both he himself and his second seemed disposed to make somedifficulty; they spoke together for a few moments in a low tone of voice, and then the doctor addressed us--"We feel, gentlemen, this is not atime for any concealment; but the truth is, we have need of greatcircumspection here, for I must inform you, we are both of us boundover in heavy recognizances to keep the peace. "

"Bound over to keep the peace!" said Curzon and myself together. 

"Nothing less; and although there is nobody hereabout would tell, yet ifthe affair got into the papers by any means, why there are some people inCork would like to press my friend there, for he is a very neat shot whenhe has the saw-handle, " and here the doctor winked. 

We had little time permitted us, to think upon the oddity of meeting aman in such circumstances, for we were now obliged to contribute our aidin conveying him to the road, where some means might be procured for histransfer to Kilrush, or some other town in the neighbourhood, for he wasby this time totally unable to walk. 

After half an hour's toiling, we at last did reach the highway, by whichtime I had ample opportunity, short as the space was, to see something ofthe character of our two opponents. It appeared the doctor exercised themost absolute control over his large friend, dictating and commanding ina tone which the other never ventured to resist; for a moment or two Mr. Beamish expressed a great desire to be conveyed by night to Kilrush, where he might find means to cross the Shannon into Kerry; this, however, the doctor opposed strenuously, from the risque of publicity; and finallysettled that we should all go in a body to his friend, Father MalachiBrennan's house, only two miles off, where the sick man would have themost tender care, and what the doctor considered equally indispensable, we ourselves a most excellent supper, and a hearty welcome. 

"You know Father Malachi, of course, Mr. Lorrequer?"

"I am ashamed to say I do not. "

"Not know Malachi Brennan and live in Clare! Well, well, that isstrange; sure he is the priest of this country for twelve miles in everydirection of you, and a better man, and a pleasanter, there does not livein the diocese; though I'm his cousin that says it. "

After professing all the possible pleasure it would afford my friend andmyself to make the acquaintance of Father Malachi, we proceeded to placeMr. Beamish in a car that was passing at the time, and started for theresidence of the good priest. The whole of the way thither I wasoccupied but by one thought, a burning anxiety to know the cause of ourquarrel, and I longed for the moment when I might get the doctor apartfrom his friend, to make the inquiry. 

"There--look down to your left, where you see the lights shining sobrightly, that is Father Malachi's house; as sure as my name isDe Courcy Finucane, there's fun going on there this night. "

"Why, there certainly does seem a great illumination in the valleythere, " said I. 

"May I never, " said the doctor, "if it isn't a station--"

"A station!--pray may I ask--"

"You need not ask a word on the subject; for, if I am a true prophet, you'll know what it means before morning. "

A little more chatting together, brought us to a narrow road, flanked oneither side by high hedges of hawthorn, and, in a few minutes more, westood before the priest's residence, a long, white-washed, thatchedhouse, having great appearance of comfort and convenience. Arrived here, the doctor seemed at once to take on him the arrangement of the wholeparty; for, after raising the latch and entering the house, he returnedto us in a few minutes, and said, "Wait a while now; we'll not go in to Father Malachi, 'till we've putGiles to bed. "

We, accordingly, lifted him from off the car, and assisted him into thehouse, and following Finucane down a narrow passage, at last reached amost comfortable little chamber, with a neat bed; here we placed him, while the doctor gave some directions to a bare-headed, red-leggedhussey, without shoes or stockings, and himself proceeded to examine thewound, which was a more serious one than it at first appeared. 

After half an hour thus occupied, during which time, roars of merrimentand hearty peals of laughter burst upon us every time the door opened, from a distant part of the house, where his reverence was entertaininghis friends, and which, as often as they were heard by the doctor seemedto produce in him sensations not unlike those that afflicted the "weddingguest" in the "Ancient Mariner, " when he heard the "loud bassoon, " and ascertainly imparted an equally longing desire to be a partaker in themirth. We arranged every thing satisfactorily for Mr. Beamish's comfort, and with a large basin of vinegar and water, to keep his knee cool, and astrong tumbler of hot punch, to keep his heart warm--homeopathic medicineis not half so new as Dr. Hahnneman would make us believe--we left Mr. Beamish to his own meditations, and doubtless regrets that he did not get"the saw-handled one, he was used to, " while we proceeded to make ourbows to Father Malachi Brennan. 

But, as I have no intention to treat the good priest with ingratitude, Ishall not present him to my readers at the tail of a chapter. 

CHAPTER VI. 

THE PRIEST'S SUPPER--FATHER MALACHI AND THE COADJUTOR--MAJOR JONES AND THE ABBE

At the conclusion of our last chapter we left our quondam antagonist, Mr. Beamish, stretched at full length upon a bed practising homeopathyby administering hot punch to her fever, while we followed our chaperon, Doctor Finucane, into the presence of the Reverend Father Brennan. 

The company into which we now, without any ceremony on our parts, introduced ourselves, consisted of from five and twenty to thirtypersons, seated around a large oak table, plentifully provided withmaterials for drinking, and cups, goblets, and glasses of every shape andform. The moment we entered, the doctor stepped forward, and, touchingFather Malachi on the shoulder, --for so I rightly guessed him to be, --presented himself to his relative, by whom he was welcomed with everydemonstration of joy. While their recognitions were exchanged, and whilethe doctor explained the reasons of our visit, I was enabled, undisturbedand unnoticed, to take a brief survey of the party. 

Father Malachi Brennan, P. P. Of Carrigaholt, was what I had oftenpictured to myself as the beau ideal of his caste; his figure was short, fleshy, and enormously muscular, and displayed proportions which wantedbut height to constitute a perfect Hercules; his legs so thick in thecalf, so taper in the ancle, looked like nothing I know, except perhaps, the metal balustrades of Carlisle--bridge; his face was large and rosy, and the general expression, a mixture of unbounded good humour andinexhaustible drollery, to which the restless activity of his black andarched eye--brows greatly contributed; and his mouth, were it not for acharacter of sensuality and voluptuousness about the nether lip, had beenactually handsome; his head was bald, except a narrow circle close abovethe ears, which was marked by a ring of curly dark hair, sadlyinsufficient however, to conceal a development behind, that, if there betruth in phrenology, bodes but little happiness to the disciples of MissMartineau. 

Add to these external signs a voice rich, fluent, and racy, with themellow "doric" of his country, and you have some faint resemblance of one"every inch a priest. " The very antipodes to the 'bonhomie' of thisfigure, confronted him as croupier at the foot of the table. This, as I afterwards learned, was no less a person than Mister Donovan, thecoadjutor or "curate;" he was a tall, spare, ungainly looking man ofabout five and thirty, with a pale, ascetic countenance, the onlyreadable expression of which vibrated between low suspicion and intensevulgarity: over his low, projecting forehead hung down a mass of straightred hair; indeed--for nature is not a politician--it almost approached anorange hue. This was cut close to the head all around, and displayed intheir full proportions a pair of enormous ears, which stood out in"relief, " like turrets from a watch-tower, and with pretty much the sameobject; his skin was of that peculiar colour and texture, to which, notall "the water in great Neptune's ocean" could impart a look ofcleanliness, while his very voice, hard, harsh, and inflexible, wasunprepossessing and unpleasant. And yet, strange as it may seem, he, too, was a correct type of his order; the only difference being, thatFather Malachi was an older coinage, with the impress of Donay or St. Omers, whereas Mister Donovan was the shining metal, fresh stamped fromthe mint of Maynooth. 

While thus occupied in my surveillance of the scene before me, I wasroused by the priest saying--

"Ah, Fin, my darling, you needn't deny it; you're at the old game as sureas my name is Malachi, and ye'll never be easy nor quiet till ye're sentbeyond the sea, or maybe have a record of your virtues on half a ton ofmarble in the church--yard, yonder. "

"Upon my honour, upon the sacred honour of a De Courcy--. "

"Well, well, never mind it now; ye see ye're just keeping your friendscooling themselves there in the corner--introduce me at once. "

"Mr. Lorrequer, I'm sure--. "

"My name is Curzon, " said the adjutant, bowing. 

"A mighty pretty name, though a little profane; well, Mr. Curse-on, " forso he pronounced it, "ye're as welcome as the flowers in May; and it'smighty proud I am to see ye here. 

"Mr. Lorrequer, allow me to shake your hand--I've heard of ye before. "

There seemed nothing very strange in that; for go where I would throughthis country, I seemed as generally known as ever was Brummell inBond-street. 

"Fin tells me, " continued Father Malachi, "that ye'd rather not be knowndown here, in regard of a reason, " and here he winked. "Make yourselvesquite easy; the king's writ was never but once in these parts; and the'original and true copy' went back to Limerick in the stomach of theserver; they made him eat it, Mr. Lorrequer; but it's as well to becautious, for there are a good number here. A little dinner, a littlequarterly dinner we have among us, Mr. Curseon, to be social together, and raise a 'thrifle' for the Irish college at Rome, where we have aprobationer or two, ourselves. 

"As good as a station, and more drink, " whispered Fin into my ear. "Andnow, " continued the priest, "ye must just permit me to re-christen yeboth, and the contribution will not be the less for what I'm going to do;and I'm certain you'll not be worse for the change Mr. Curseon--though'tis only for a few hours, ye'll have a dacent name. "

As I could see no possible objection to this proposal, nor did Curzoneither, our only desire being to maintain the secrecy necessary for ourantagonist's safety, we at once assented; when Father Malachi took me bythe hand, but with such a total change in his whole air and deportmentthat I was completely puzzled by it; he led me forward to the companywith a good deal of the ceremonious reverence I have often admired in SirCharles Vernon, when conducting some full--blown dowager through themazes of a castle minuet. The desire to laugh outright was almostirresistible, as the Rev. Father stood at arm's length from me, stillholding my hand, and bowing to the company pretty much in the style of amanager introducing a blushing debutante to an audience. A moment more, and I must have inevitably given way to a burst of laughter, when whatwas my horror to hear the priest present me to the company as their"excellent, worthy, generous, and patriotic young landlord, Lord Kilkee. Cheer every mother's son of ye; cheer I say;" and certainly precept wasnever more strenuously backed by example, for he huzzaed till I thoughthe would burst a blood--vessel; may I add, I almost wished it, such wasthe insufferable annoyance, the chagrin, this announcement gave me; andI waited with eager impatience for the din and clamour to subside, todisclaim every syllable of the priest's announcement, and take theconsequences of my baptismal epithet, cost what it might. To this I wasimpelled by many and important reasons. Situated as I was with respectto the Callonby family, my assumption of their name at such a momentmight get abroad, and the consequences to me, be inevitable ruin; andindependent of my natural repugnance to such sailing under false colours, I saw Curzon laughing almost to suffocation at my wretched predicament, and (so strong within me was the dread of ridicule) I thought, "what apretty narrative he is concocting for the mess this minute. " I roseto reply; and whether Father Malachi, with his intuitive quickness, guessed my purpose or not, I cannot say, but he certainly resolved toout-maneuver me, and he succeeded: while with one hand he motioned to theparty to keep silence, with the other he took hold of Curzon, but with nopeculiar or very measured respect, and introduced him as Mr. MacNeesh, the new Scotch steward and improver--a character at that time whosepopularity might compete with a tithe proctor or an exciseman. Socompletely did this tactique turn the tables upon the poor adjutant, whothe moment before was exulting over me, that I utterly forgot my ownwoes, and sat down convulsed with mirth at his situation--an emotioncertainly not lessened as I saw Curzon passed from one to the other attable, "like a pauper to his parish, " till he found an asylum at the veryfoot, in juxta with the engaging Mister Donovan. A propinquity, if Imight judge from their countenances, uncoveted by either party. 

While this was performing, Doctor Finucane was making his recognitionswith several of the company, to whom he had been long known during hisvisits to the neighbourhood. I now resumed my place on the right of theFather, abandoning for the present all intention of disclaiming my rank, and the campaign was opened. The priest now exerted himself to theutmost to recall conversation with the original channels, and if possibleto draw off attention from me, which he still feared, might, perhaps, elicit some unlucky announcement on my part. Failing in his endeavoursto bring matters to their former footing, he turned the whole brunt ofhis attentions to the worthy doctor, who sat on his left. 

"How goes on the law, " said he, "Fin? Any new proofs, as they call them, forthcoming?"

What Fin replied, I could not hear, but the allusion to the "suit" wasexplained by Father Malachi informing us that the only impediment betweenhis cousin and the title of Kinsale lay in the unfortunate fact, that hisgrandmother, "rest her sowl, " was not a man. 

Doctor Finucane winced a little under the manner in which this wasspoken: but returned the fire by asking if the bishop was down lately inthat quarter? The evasive way in which "the Father" replied havingstimulated my curiosity as to the reason, little entreaty was necessaryto persuade the doctor to relate the following anecdote, which was notrelished the less by his superior, that it told somewhat heavily on Mr. Donovan. 

"It is about four years ago, " said the doctor, "since the Bishop, Dr. Plunkett, took it into his head that he'd make a general inspection, 'areconnoisance, " as we'd call it, Mr. Lor--that is, my lord! Through thewhole diocese, and leave no part far nor near without poking his nose init and seeing how matters were doing. He heard very queer stories abouthis reverence here, and so down he came one morning in the month of July, riding upon an old grey hack, looking just for all the world like anyother elderly gentleman in very rusty black. When he got near thevillage he picked up a little boy to show him the short cut across thefields to the house here; and as his lordship was a 'sharp man and ashrewd, ' he kept his eye on every thing as he went along, remarking this, and noting down that. 

"'Are ye regular in yer duties, my son?' said he to the gossoon. 

"'I never miss a Sunday, ' said the gossoon; 'for it's always walking hisreverence's horse I am the whole time av prayers. '

"His lordship said no more for a little while, when he muttered betweenhis teeth, 'Ah, it's just slander--nothing but slander and lyingtongues. ' This soliloquy was caused by his remarking that on every gatehe passed, or from every cabin, two or three urchins would come out halfnaked, but all with the finest heads of red hair he ever saw in his life. 

"'How is it, my son, ' said he, at length; 'they tell very strange storiesabout Father Malachi, and I see so many of these children with red hair. Eh--now Father Malachi's a dark man. '

"'True for ye, ' said the boy; 'true for ye, Father Malachi's dark; butthe coadjutor!--the coadjutor's as red as a fox. '"

When the laugh this story caused had a little subsided, Father Malachicalled out, "Mickey Oulahan! Mickey, I say, hand his lordship over 'thegroceries'"--thus he designated a square decanter, containing about twoquarts of whiskey, and a bowl heaped high with sugar--"a dacent boy isMickey, my lord, and I'm happy to be the means of making him known toyou. " I bowed with condescension, while Mr. Oulahan's eyes sparkled likediamonds at the recognition. 

"He has only two years of the lease to run, and a 'long charge, '(anglice, a large family, ) continued the priest. 

"I'll not forget him, you may depend upon it, " said I. 

"Do you hear that, " said Father Malachi, casting a glance of triumphround the table, while a general buzz of commendation on priest andpatron went round, with many such phrases as, "Och thin, it's hisriv'rance can do it, " "na bocklish, " "and why not, " &c. &c. As for me, I have already "confessed" to my crying sin, a fatal, irresistibleinclination to follow the humour of the moment wherever it led me; andnow I found myself as active a partizan in quizzing Mickey Oulahan, asthough I was not myself a party included in the jest. I was thus fairlylaunched into my inveterate habit, and nothing could arrest my progress. 

One by one the different individuals round the table were presented tome, and made known their various wants, with an implicit confidence in mypower of relieving them, which I with equal readiness ministered to. Ilowered the rent of every man at table. I made a general jail delivery, an act of grace, (I blush to say, ) which seemed to be peculiarlyinteresting to the present company. I abolished all arrears--made a newline of road through an impassable bog, and over an inaccessiblemountain--and conducted water to a mill, which (I learned in the morning)was always worked by wind. The decanter had scarcely completed its thirdcircuit of the board, when I bid fair to be most popular specimen of thepeerage that ever visited the "far west. " In the midst of my career ofuniversal benevolence, I was interrupted by Father Malachi, whom I foundon his legs, pronouncing a glowing eulogium on his cousin's lateregiment, the famous North Cork. 

"That was the corps!" said he. "Bid them do a thing, and they'd neverleave off; and so, when they got orders to retire from Wexford, it'slittle they cared for the comforts of baggage, like many anotherregiment, for they threw away every thing but their canteens, and neverstopped till they ran to Ross, fifteen miles farther than the enemyfollowed them. And when they were all in bed the same night, fatiguedand tired with their exertions, as ye may suppose, a drummer's boy calledout in his sleep--'here they are--they're coming'--they all jumped up andset off in their shirts, and got two miles out of town before theydiscovered it was a false alarm. "

Peal after peal of laughter followed the priest's encomium on thedoctor's regiment; and, indeed, he himself joined most heartily in themirth, as he might well afford to do, seeing that a braver or bettercorps than the North Cork, Ireland did not possess. 

"Well, " said Fin, "it's easy to see ye never can forget what they did atMaynooth. "

Father Malachi disclaimed all personal feeling on the subject; and I wasat last gratified by the following narrative, which I regret deeply I amnot enabled to give in the doctor's own verbiage; but writing as I dofrom memory, (in most instances, ) I can only convey the substance:

It was towards the latter end of the year '98--the year of the troubles--that the North Cork was ordered, "for their sins" I believe, to marchfrom their snug quarters in Fermoy, and take up a position in the town ofMaynooth--a very considerable reverse of fortune to a set of gentlemenextremely addicted to dining out, and living at large upon a verypleasant neighbourhood. Fermoy abounded in gentry; Maynooth at that, time had few, if any, excepting his Grace of Leinster, and he lived veryprivately, and saw no company. Maynooth was stupid and dull--there wereneither belles nor balls; Fermoy (to use the doctor's well rememberedwords) had "great feeding, " and "very genteel young ladies, that carriedtheir handkerchiefs in bags, and danced with the officers. "

They had not been many weeks in their new quarters, when they began topine over their altered fortunes, and it was with a sense of delight, which a few months before would have been incomprehensible to them, theydiscovered, that one of their officers had a brother, a young priest inthe college: he introduced him to some of his confreres, and the naturalresult followed. A visiting acquaintance began between the regiment andsuch of the members of the college as had liberty to leave the precincts:who, as time ripened the acquaintance into intimacy, very naturallypreferred the cuisine of the North Cork to the meagre fare of "therefectory. " At last seldom a day went by, without one or two of theirreverences finding themselves guests at the mess. The North Corkianswere of a most hospitable turn, and the fathers were determined thevirtue should not rust for want of being exercised; they would just dropin to say a word to "Captain O'Flaherty about leave to shoot in thedemesne, " as Carton was styled; or, they had a "frank from the Duke forthe Colonel, " or some other equally pressing reason; and they wouldcontrive to be caught in the middle of a very droll story just as the"roast beef" was playing. Very little entreaty then sufficed--a shortapology for the "dereglements" of dress, and a few minutes more foundthem seated at table without further ceremony on either side. 

Among the favourite guests from the college, two were peculiarly held inestimation--"the Professor of the Humanities, " Father Luke Mooney; and theAbbe D'Array, "the Lecturer on Moral Philosophy, and Belles Lettres;" andcertain it is, pleasanter fellows, or more gifted with the "convivialbump, " there never existed. He of the Humanities was a droll dog--amember of the Curran club, the "monks of the screw, " told an excellentstory, and sang the "Cruiskeen Lawn" better than did any before or sincehim;--the moral philosopher, though of a different genre, was also a mostagreeable companion, an Irishman transplanted in his youth to St. Omers, and who had grafted upon his native humour a considerable share of Frenchsmartness and repartee--such were the two, who ruled supreme in all thefestive arrangements of this jovial regiment, and were at last as regularat table, as the adjutant and the paymaster, and so might they havecontinued, had not prosperity, that in its blighting influence upon theheart, spares neither priests nor laymen, and is equally severe upon mice(see Aesop's fable) and moral philosophers, actually deprived them, forthe "nonce" of reason, and tempted them to their ruin. You naturallyask, what did they do? Did they venture upon allusions to the retreatupon Ross? Nothing of the kind. Did they, in that vanity which wineinspires, refer by word, act, or inuendo, to the well-known order oftheir Colonel when reviewing his regiment in "the Phoenix, " to "advancetwo steps backwards, and dress by the gutter. " Far be it from them:though indeed either of these had been esteemed light in the balancecompared with their real crime. "Then, what was their failing--come, tell it, and burn ye?" They actually, "horresco referens, " quizzed theMajor coram the whole mess!--Now, Major John Jones had only latelyexchanged into the North Cork from the "Darry Ragement, " as he called it. He was a red--hot orangeman, a deputy--grand something, and vice-chairmanof the "'Prentice Boys" beside. He broke his leg when a school--boy, bya fall incurred in tying an orange handkerchief around King William'sAugust neck in College-green, on one 12th of July, and three severaltimes had closed the gates of Derry with his own loyal hands, on thefamed anniversary; in a word, he was one, that if his church had enjoinedpenance as an expiation for sin, would have looked upon a trip toJerusalem on his bare knees, as a very light punishment for the crime onhis conscience, that he sat at table with two buck priests from Maynooth, and carved for them, like the rest of the company!

Poor Major Jones, however, had no such solace, and the canker-worm eatdaily deeper and deeper into his pining heart. During the three or fourweeks of their intimacy with his regiment, his martyrdom was awful. Hisfigure wasted, and his colour became a deeper tinge of orange, and allaround averred that there would soon be a "move up" in the corps, for themajor had evidently "got his notice to quit" this world, and its pompsand vanities. He felt "that he was dying, " to use Haines Bayley'sbeautiful and apposite words, and meditated an exchange, but that, fromcircumstances, was out of the question. At last, subdued by grief, andprobably his spirit having chafed itself smooth by such constantattrition, he became, to all seeming, calmer; but it was only the calm ofa broken and weary heart. Such was Major Jones at the time, when, "suadente diabolo, " it seemed meet to Fathers Mooney and D'Array to makehim the butt of their raillery. At first, he could not believe it; thething was incredible--impossible; but when he looked around the table, when he heard the roars of laughter, long, loud, and vociferous; when heheard his name bandied from one to the other across the table, with somevile jest tacked to it "like a tin kettle to a dog's tail, " he awoke tothe full measure of his misery--the cup was full. Fate had done herworst, and he might have exclaimed with Lear, "spit, fire-spout, rain, "there was nothing in store for him of further misfortune. 

A drum-head court-martial--a hint "to sell out"--ay, a sentence of"dismissed the service, " had been mortal calamities, and, like a man, hewould have borne them; but that he, Major John Jones, D. G. S. C. P. B. , &c. &c, who had drank the "pious, glorious, and immortal, " sitting astride of"the great gun of Athlone, " should come to this! Alas, and alas! Heretired that night to his chamber a "sadder if not a wiser man;" hedreamed that the "statue" had given place to the unshapely figure of LeoX. , and that "Lundy now stood where Walker stood before. " He humped fromhis bed in a moment of enthusiasm, he vowed his revenge, and he kept hisvow. 

That day the major was "acting field officer. " The various patroles, sentries, picquets, and out-posts, were all under his especial control;and it was remarked that he took peculiar pains in selecting the men fornight duty, which, in the prevailing quietness and peace of that time, seemed scarcely warrantable. 

Evening drew near, and Major Jones, summoned by the "oft-heard beat, "wended his way to the mess. The officers were dropping in, and true as"the needle to the pole, " came Father Mooney and the Abbe. They werewelcomed with the usual warmth, and strange to say, by none more than themajor himself, whose hilarity knew no bounds. 

How the evening passed, I shall not stop to relate: suffice it to say, that a more brilliant feast of wit and jollification, not even the NorthCork ever enjoyed. Father Luke's drollest stories, his very quaintesthumour shone forth, and the Abbe sang a new "Chanson a Boire, " thatBeranger might hav envied. 

"What are you about, my dear Father D'Array?" said the Colonel; "you aresurely not rising yet; here's a fresh cooper of port just come in; sitdown, I entreat. "

"I say it with grief, my dear colonel, we must away; the half-hour hasjust chimed, and we must be within 'the gates' before twelve. The truthis, the superior has been making himself very troublesome about our'carnal amusements' as he calls our innocent mirth, and we must thereforebe upon our guard. "

"Well, if it must be so, we shall not risk losing your societyaltogether, for an hour or so now; so, one bumper to our next meeting--to-morrow, mind, and now, M. D'Abbe, au revoir. "

The worthy fathers finished their glasses, and taking a most affectionateleave of their kind entertainers, sallied forth under the guidance ofMajor Jones, who insisted upon accompanying them part of the way, as, "from information he had received, the sentries were doubled in someplaces, and the usual precautions against surprise all taken. " Much asthis polite attention surprised the objects of it, his brother officerswondered still more, and no sooner did they perceive the major and hiscompanions issue forth, than they set out in a body to watch where thismost novel and unexpected complaisance would terminate. 

When the priests reached the door of the barrack-yard, they again turnedto utter their thanks to the major, and entreat him once more, "not tocome a step farther. There now, major, we know the path well, so justgive us the pass, and don't stay out in the night air. "

"Ah oui, Monsieur Jones, " said the Abbe, "retournez, je vous prie. Weare, I must say, chez nous. Ces braves gens, les North Cork know us bythis time. "

The major smiled, while he still pressed his services to see them pastthe picquets, but they were resolved and would not be denied. 

"With the word for the night, we want nothing more, " said Father Luke. 

"Well, then, " said the major, in the gravest tone, and he was naturallygrave, "you shall have your way, but remember to call out loud, for thefirst sentry is a little deaf, and a very passionate, ill--temperedfellow to boot. "

"Never fear, " said Father Mooney, laughing; "I'll go bail he'll hear me. "

"Well--the word for the night is--'Bloody end to the Pope, '--don'tforget, now, 'Bloody end to the Pope, '" and with these words he bangedthe door between him and the unfortunate priests; and, as bolt wasfastened after bolt, they heard him laughing to himself like a fiend overhis vengeance. 

"And big bad luck to ye, Major Jones, for the same, every day ye see apaving stone, " was the faint sub-audible ejaculation of Father Luke, whenhe was recovered enough to speak. 

"Sacristi! Que nous sommes attrappes, " said the Abbe, scarcely able toavoid laughing at the situation in which they were placed. 

"Well, there's the quarter chiming now; we've no time to lose--MajorJones! Major, darling! Don't now, ah, don't! sure ye know we'll beruined entirely--there now, just change it, like a dacent fellow--thedevil's luck to him, he's gone. Well, we can't stay here in the rain allnight, and be expelled in the morning afterwards--so come along. "

They jogged on for a few minutes in silence, till they came to that partof the "Duke's" demesne wall, where the first sentry was stationed. Bythis time the officers, headed by the major, had quietly slipped out ofthe gate, and were following their steps at a convenient distance. 

The fathers had stopped to consult together, what they should do in thistrying emergency--when their whisper being overheard, the sentinel calledout gruffly, in the genuine dialect of his country, "who goes that?"

"Father Luke Mooney, and the Abbe D'Array, " said the former, in his mostbland and insinuating tone of voice, a quality he most eminentlypossessed. 

"Stand and give the countersign. "

"We are coming from the mess, and going home to the college, " said FatherMooney, evading the question, and gradually advancing as he spoke. 

"Stand, or I'll shot ye, " said the North Corkian. 

Father Luke halted, while a muttered "Blessed Virgin" announced his stateof fear and trepidation. 

"D'Array, I say, what are we to do. "

"The countersign, " said the sentry, whose figure they could perceive inthe dim distance of about thirty yards. 

"Sure ye'll let us pass, my good lad, and ye'll have a friend in FatherLuke the longest day ye live, and ye might have a worse in time of need;ye understand. "

Whether he did understand or not, he certainly did not heed, for his onlyreply was the short click of his gun-lock, that bespeaks a preparation tofire. 

"There's no help now, " said Father Luke; "I see he's a haythen; and badluck to the major, I say again;" and this in the fulness of his heart heuttered aloud. 

"That's not the countersign, " said the inexorable sentry, striking thebutt end of the musket on the ground with a crash that smote terror intothe hearts of the priests. 

Mumble--mumble--"to the Pope, " said Father Luke, pronouncing the lastwords distinctly, after the approved practice of a Dublin watchman, onbeing awoke from his dreams of row and riot by the last toll of thePost-office, and not knowing whether it has struck "twelve" or "three, "sings out the word "o'clock, " in a long sonorous drawl, that wakes everysleeping citizen, and yet tells nothing how "time speeds on his flight. "

"Louder, " said the sentry, in a voice of impatience. 

_____ "to the Pope. "

"I don't hear the first part. "

"Oh then, " said the priest, with a sigh that might have melted the heartof anything but a sentry, "Bloody end to the Pope; and may the saints inheaven forgive me for saying it. "

"Again, " called out the soldier; "and no muttering. "

"Bloody end to the Pope, " cried Father Luke in bitter desperation. 

"Bloody end to the Pope, " echoed the Abbe. 

"Pass bloody end to the Pope, and good night, " said the sentry, resuminghis rounds, while a loud and uproarious peal of laughter behind, told theunlucky priests they were overheard by others, and that the story wouldbe over the whole town in the morning. 

Whether it was that the penance for their heresy took long inaccomplishing, or that they never could summon courage sufficient to facetheir persecutor, certain it is, the North Cork saw them no more, norwere they ever observed to pass the precincts of the college, while thatregiment occupied Maynooth. 

Major Jones himself, and his confederates, could not have more heartilyrelished this story, than did the party to whom the doctor heartilyrelated it. Much, if not all the amusement it afforded, however, resulted from his inimitable mode of telling, and the power of mimicry, with which he conveyed the dialogue with the sentry: and this, alas, mustbe lost to my readers, at least to that portion of them not fortunateenough to possess Doctor Finucane's acquaintance. 

"Fin! Fin! your long story has nearly famished me, " said the padre, asthe laugh subsided; "and there you sit now with the jug at your elbowthis half-hour; I never thought you would forget our old friend MartinHanegan's aunt. "

"Here's to her health, " said Fin; "and your reverence will get us thechant. "

"Agreed, " said Father Malachi, finishing a bumper, and after giving a fewpreparatory hems, he sang the following "singularly wild and beautifulpoem, " as some one calls Christabel:--

"Here's a health to Martin Hanegan's aunt, And I'll tell ye the reason why!She eats bekase she is hungry, And drinks bekase she is dry. 

"And if ever a man, Stopped the course of a can, Martin Hanegan's aunt would cry--'Arrah, fill up your glass, And let the jug pass;How d'ye know but what your neighbour's dhry?"

"Come, my lord and gentlemen, da capo, if ye please--Fill up your glass, "and the chanson was chorussed with a strength and vigour that wouldhave astonished the Philharmonic. 

The mirth and fun now grew "fast and furious;" and Father Malachi, risingwith the occasion, flung his reckless drollery and fun on every side, sparing none, from his cousin to the coadjutor. It was not that peculiarperiod in the evening's enjoyment, when an expert and practical chairmangives up all interference or management, and leaves every thing to takeits course; this then was the happy moment selected by Father Malachi topropose the little "contrhibution. " He brought a plate from a sidetable, and placing it before him, addressed the company in a very briefbut sensible speech, detailing the object of the institution he wasadvocating, and concluding with the following words:--"and now ye'll justgive whatever ye like, according to your means in life, and what ye canspare. "

The admonition, like the "morale" of an income tax, having the immediateeffect of pitting each man against his neighbour, and suggesting to theiralready excited spirits all the ardour of gambling, without, however, a prospect of gain. The plate was first handed to me in honour of my"rank, " and having deposited upon it a handful of small silver, thepriest ran his finger through the coin, and called out:--

"Five pounds! at least; not a farthing less, as I am a sinner. Look, then, --see now; they tell ye, the gentlemen don't care for the like ofye! but see for yourselves. May I trouble y'r lordship to pass the plateto Mr. Mahony--he's impatient, I see. "

Mr. Mahony, about whom I perceived very little of the impatience alludedto, was a grim-looking old Christian, in a rabbit-skin waistcoat, withlong flaps, who fumbled in the recesses of his breeches pocket for fiveminutes, and then drew forth three shillings, which he laid upon theplate, with what I fancied very much resembled a sigh. 

"Six and sixpence, is it? or five shillings?--all the same, Mr. Mahony, and I'll not forget the thrifle you were speaking about this morning anyway;" and here he leaned over as interceding with me for him, but inreality to whisper into my ear, "the greatest miser from this toCastlebar. "

"Who's that put down the half guinea in goold?" (And this time he spoketruth. ) "Who's that, I say?"

"Tim Kennedy, your reverence, " said Tim, stroking his hair down with onehand, and looking proud and modest at the same moment. 

"Tim, ye're a credit to us any day, and I always said so. It's a gaugerhe'd like to be, my lord, " said he, turning to me, in a kind of stagewhisper. I nodded and muttered something, when he thanked me mostprofoundly as if his suit had prospered. 

"Mickey Oulahan--the lord's looking at ye, Mickey. " This was saidpiannisime across the table, and had the effect of increasing Mr. Oulahan's donation from five shillings to seven--the last two beingpitched in very much in the style o a gambler making his final coup, andcrying "va banque. " "The Oulahans were always dacent people--dacentpeople, my lord. "

"Be gorra, the Oulahans was niver dacenter nor the Molowneys, any how, "said a tall athletic young fellow, as he threw down three crown pieces, with an energy that made every coin leap from the plate. 

"They'll do now, " said Father Brennan; "I'll leave them to themselves;"and truly the eagerness to get the plate and put down the subscription, fully equalled the rapacious anxiety I have witnessed in an old maid atloo, to get possession of a thirty-shilling pool, be the same more orless, which lingered on its way to her, in the hands of many a faircompetitor. 

"Mr. M'Neesh"--Curzon had hitherto escaped all notice--"Mr. M'Neesh, toyour good health, " cried Father Brennan. "It's many a secret they'll begetting out o'ye down there about the Scotch husbandry. "

Whatever poor Curzon knew of "drills, " certainly did not extend to themwhen occupied by turnips. This allusion of the priest's being caught upby the party at the foot of the table, they commenced a series ofinquiries into different Scotch plans of tillage--his brief andunsatisfactory answers to which, they felt sure, were given in order toevade imparting information. By degrees, as they continued to press himwith questions, his replies grew more short, and a general feeling ofdislike on both sides was not very long in following. 

The father saw this, and determining with his usual tact to repress it, called on the adjutant for a song. Now, whether he had but one in theworld, or whether he took this mode of retaliating for the annoyances hehad suffered, I know not; but true it is, he finished his tumbler at adraught, and with a voice of no very peculiar sweetness, thoughabundantly loud, began "The Boyne Water. "

He had just reached the word "battle, " in the second line upon which hewas bestowing what he meant to be a shake, when, as if the word suggestedit, it seemed the signal for a general engagement. Decanters, glasses, jugs, candlesticks, --aye, and the money-dish, flew right and left--alloriginally intended, it is ture, for the head of the luckless adjutant, but as they now and then missed their aim, and came in contact with the"wrong man, " invariably provoked retaliation, and in a very few minutesthe battle became general. 

What may have been the doctor's political sentiments on this occasion, Icannot even guess; but he seemed bent upon performing the part of a"convivial Lord Stanley, " and maintaining a dignified neutrality. Withthis apparent object, he mounted upon the table, to raise himself, Isuppose, above the din and commotion of party clamour, and brandishing ajug of scalding water, bestowed it with perfect impartiality on thecombatants on either side. This Whig plan of conciliation, however wellintended, seemed not to prosper with either party; and many were themissiles directed at the ill-starred doctor. Meanwhile Father Malachi, whether following the pacific instinct of his order, in seeking an asylumin troublesome times, or equally moved by old habit to gather coin in lowplaces, (much of the money having fallen, ) was industriously endeavouringto insert himself beneath the table; in this, with one vigorous push, heat last succeeded, but in so doing lifted it from its legs, and thusdestroying poor "Fin's" gravity, precipitated him, jug and all, into thethickest part of the fray, where he met with that kind reception such abenefactor ever receives at the hands of a grateful public. I meanwhilehurried to rescue poor Curzon, who, having fallen to the ground, wasgetting a cast of his features taken in pewter, for such seemed theoperation a stout farmer was performing on the adjutant's face with aquart. With considerable difficulty, notwithstanding my supposed"lordship, " I succeeded in freeing him from his present position; and heconcluding, probably, that enough had been done for one "sitting, " mostwillingly permitted me to lead him from the room. I was soon joined bythe doctor, who assisted me in getting my poor friend to bed; which beingdone, he most eagerly entreated me to join the company. This, however, I firmly but mildly declined, very much to his surprise; for as heremarked--"They'll all be like lambs now, for they don't believe there'sa whole bone in his body. "

Expressing my deep sense of the Christian-like forbearance of the party, I pleaded fatigue, and bidding him good night, adjourned to my bed-room;and here, although the arrangements fell somewhat short of the luxuriousones appertaining to my late apartment at Callonby, they were mostgrateful at the moment; and having "addressed myself to slumber, " fellfast asleep, and only awoke late on the following morning to wonder whereI was: from any doubts as to which I was speedily relieved by theentrance of the priest's bare-footed "colleen, " to deposit on my table abottle of soda water, and announce breakfast, with his reverence'scompliments. 

Having made a hasty toilet, I proceeded to the parlour, which, howeverlate events might have impressed upon my memory, I could scarcelyrecognise. Instead of the long oak table and the wassail bowl, therestood near the fire a small round table, covered with a snow--whitecloth, upon which shone in unrivalled brightness a very handsome teaequipage--the hissing kettle on one hob was vis a vis'd by a gridironwith three newly taken trout, frying under the reverential care of FatherMalachi himself--a heap of eggs ranged like shot in an ordnance yard, stood in the middled of the table, while a formidable pile of butteredtoast browned before the grate--the morning papers were airing upon thehearth--every thing bespoke that attention to comfort and enjoyment onelikes to discover in the house where chance may have domesticated him fora day or two. 

"Good morning, Mr. Lorrequer. I trust you have rested well, " said FatherMalachi as I entered. 

"Never better; but where are our friends?"

"I have been visiting and comforting them in their affliction, and I maywith truth assert it is not often my fortune to have three as sicklylooking guests. That was a most unlucky affair last night, and I mustapologise. "

"Don't say a word, I entreat; I saw how it all occurred, and am quitesure if it had not been for poor Curzon's ill-timed melody--"

"You are quite right, " said the father interrupting me. "Your friend'staste for music--bad luck to it--was the 'teterrima causa belli. '"

"And the subscription, " said I; "how did it succeed?"

"Oh, the money went in the commotion; and although I have got some sevenpounds odd shillings of it, the war was a most expensive one to me. Icaught old Mahony very busy under the table during the fray; but let ussay no more about it now--draw over your chair. Tea or coffee? there'sthe rum if you like it 'chasse. '"

I immediately obeyed the injunction, and commenced a vigorous assaultupon the trout, caught, as he informed me, "within twenty perches of thehouse. "

"Your poor friend's nose is scarcely regimental, " said he, "this morning;and as for Fin, he was never remarkable for beauty, so, though they mightcut and hack, they could scarcely disfigure him, as Juvenal says--isn'tit Juvenal?

"'Vacuus viator cantabit ante Latronem;'

"or in the vernacular:

"'The empty traveller may whistleBefore the robber and his pistil' (pistol). "

"There's the Chili vinegar--another morsel of the trout?"

"I thank you; what excellent coffee, Father Malachi!"

"A secret I learned at St. Omer's some thirty years since. Any letters, Bridget?"--to a damsel that entered with a pacquet in her hand. 

"A gossoon from Kilrush, y'r reverence, with a bit of a note for thegentleman there. "

"For me!--ah, true enough. Harry Lorrequer, Esq. Kilrush--tryCarrigaholt. " So ran the superscription--the first part being in alady's handwriting; the latter very like the "rustic paling" of theworthy Mrs. Healy's style. The seal was a large one, bearing a coronetat top, and the motto in old Norman--French, told me it came fromCallonby. 

With what a trembling hand and beating heart I broke it open, and yetfeared to read it--so much of my destiny might be in that simple page. For once in my life my sanguine spirit failed me; my mind could take inbut one casualty, that Lady Jane had divulged to her family the nature ofmy attentions, and that in the letter before me lay a cold mandate ofdismissal from her presence for ever. 

At last I summoned courage to read it; but having scrupled to present tomy readers the Reverend Father Brennan at the tail of a chapter, let menot be less punctilious in the introduction of her ladyship's billet. 

CHAPTER VII. 

THE LADY'S LETTER--PETER AND HIS ACQUAINTANCES--TOO LATE. 

Her ladyship's letter ran thus--

"Callonby, Tuesday morning. 

"My dear Mr. Lorrequer, --My lord has deputed me to convey to you ouradieus, and at the same time to express our very great regret that weshould not have seen you before out departure from Ireland. A suddencall of the House, and some unexpected ministerial changes, require LordCallonby's immediate presence in town; and probably before this reachesyou we shall be on the road. Lord Kilkee, who left us yesterday, wasmuch distressed at not having seen you--he desired me to say you shallhear from him from Leamington. Although writing amid all the hasteand bustle of departure, I must not forget the principal part of mycommission, nor lady-like defer it to a postscript: my lord entreats thatyou will, if possible, pass a month or two with us in London this season;make any use of his name you think fit at the Horse-Guards, where he hassome influence. Knowing as I do, with what kindness you ever accede tothe wishes of your friends, I need not say how much gratification thiswill afford us all; but, sans response, we expect you. Believe me toremain, yours very sincerely, "Charlotte Callonby. "

"P. S. --We are all quite well, except Lady Jane, who has a slight cold, and has been feverish for the last day or two. "

Words cannot convey any idea of the torrent of contending emotions underwhich I perused this letter. The suddenness of the departure, without anopportunity of even a moment's leave-taking, completely unmanned me. What would I not have given to be able to see her once more, even for aninstant--to say "a good bye"--to watch the feeling with which she partedfrom me, and augur from it either favourably to my heart's dearest hope, or darkest despair. As I continued to read on, the kindly tone of theremainder reassured me, and when I came to the invitation to London, which plainly argued a wish on their part to perpetuate the intimacy, I was obliged to read it again and again, before I could convince myselfof its reality. There it was, however, most distinctly and legiblyimpressed in her ladyship's fairest calligraphy; and certainly great aswas its consequence to me at the time, it by no means formed theprincipal part of the communication. The two lines of postscriptcontained more, far more food for hopes and fears than did all therest of the epistle. 

Lady Jane was ill then, slightly however--a mere cold; true, but she wasfeverish. I could not help asking myself what share had I causing thatflushed cheek and anxious eye, and pictured to myself, perhaps with morevividness than reality, a thousand little traits of manner, all proofsstrong as holy writ to my sanguine mind, that my affection was returned, and that I loved not in vain. Again and again I read over the entireletter; never truly did a nisi prius lawyer con over a new act ofparliament with more searching ingenuity, to detect its hidden meaning, than did I to unravel through its plain phraseology the secret intentionof the writer towards me. 

There is an old and not less true adage, that what we wish we readilybelieve; and so with me--I found myself an easy convert to my own hopesand desires, and actually ended by persuading myself--no very hard task--that my Lord Callonby had not only witnessed but approved of myattachment to his beautiful daughter, and for reasons probably known tohim, but concealed from me, opined that I was a suitable "parti, " andgave all due encouragement to my suit. The hint about using hislordship's influence at the Horse guards I resolved to benefit by; not, however, in obtaining leave of absence, which I hoped to accomplish moreeasily, but with his good sanction in pushing my promotion, when Iclaimed him as my right honorable father-in-law--a point, on thepropriety of which, I had now fully satisfied myself. What visions ofrising greatness burst upon my mind, as I thought on the prospect thatopened before me; but here let me do myself the justice to record, thatamid all my pleasure and exultation, my proudest thought, was in theanticipation of possessing one in every way so much my superior--the veryconsciousness of which imparted a thrill of fear to my heart, that suchgood fortune was too much even to hope for. 

How long I might have luxuriated in such Chateaux en Espagne, heavenknows; thick and thronging fancies came abundantly to my mind, and itwas with something of the feeling of the porter in the Arabian Nights, as he surveyed the fragments of his broken ware, hurled down in a momentof glorious dreaminess, that I turned to look at the squat andunaristocratic figure of Father Malachi, as he sat reading his newspaperbefore the fire. How came I in such company; methinks the Dean ofWindsor, or the Bishop of Durham had been a much more seemly associatefor one destined as I was for the flood-tide of the world's favour. 

My eye at this instant rested upon the date of the letter, which was thatof the preceding morning, and immediately a thought struck me that, asthe day was a louring and gloomy one, perhaps they might have deferredtheir journey, and I at once determined to hasten to Callonby, and, ifpossible, see them before their departure. 

"Father Brennan, " said I, at length, "I have just received a letter whichcompels me to reach Kilrush as soon as possible. Is there any publicconveyance in the village?"

"You don't talk of leaving us, surely, " said the priest, "and a haunch ofmutton for dinner, and Fin says he'll be down, and your friend, too, andwe'll have poor Beamish in on a sofa. "

"I am sorry to say my business will not admit of delay, but, if possible, I shall return to thank you for all you kindness, in a day or two--perhaps tomorrow. "

"Oh, then, " said Father Brennan, "if it must be so, why you can have'Pether, ' my own pad, and a better you never laid leg over; only give himhis own time, and let him keep the 'canter, ' and he'll never draw up frommorning till night; and now I'll just go and have him in readiness foryou. "

After professing my warm acknowledgments to the good father for hiskindness, I hastened to take a hurried farewell of Curzon before going. I found him sitting up in bed taking his breakfast; a large strip ofblack plaster, extending from the corner of one eye across the nose, andterminating near the mouth, denoted the locale of a goodly wound, whilethe blue, purple and yellow patches into which his face was partitionedout, left you in doubt whether he now resembled the knave of clubs or anew map of the Ordnance survey; one hand was wrapped up in a bandage, andaltogether a more rueful and woe-begone looking figure I have rarelylooked upon; and most certainly I am of opinion that the "glorious, piousand immortal memory" would have brought pleasanter recollections toDaniel O'Connell himself, than it would on that morning to the adjutantof his majesty's 4_th. 

"Ah, Harry, " said he, as I entered, "what Pandemonium is this we've gotinto? did you ever witness such a business as last night's?"

"Why truly, " said I, "I know of no one to blame but yourself; surely youmust have known what a fracas your infernal song would bring on. "

"I don't know now whether I knew it or not; but certainly at the momentI should have preferred anything to the confounded cross-examination Iwas under, and was glad to end it by any coup d'etat. One wretch waspersecuting me about green crops, and another about the feeding ofbullocks; about either of which I knew as much as a bear does of aballet. "

"Well, truly, you caused a diversion at some expense to your countenance, for I never beheld anything--"

"Stop there, " said he, "you surely have not seen the doctor--he beats mehollow--they have scarcely left so much hair on his head as would do foran Indian's scalp lock; and, of a verity, his aspect is awful thismorning; he has just been here, and by-the-bye has told me all about youraffair with Beamish. It appears that somewhere you met him at dinner, and gave a very flourishing account of a relative of his who you informedhim was not only selected for some very dashing service, but actually thepersonal friend of Picton; and, after the family having blazed the matterall over Cork, and given a great entertainment in honor of their kinsman, it turns out that, on the glorious 19th, he ran away to Brussels fasterthan even the French to Charleroi; for which act, however, there was noaspersion ever cast upon his courage, that quality being defended at theexpense of his honesty; in a word, he was the paymaster of the company, and had what Theodore Hook calls an 'affection of his chest, ' thatrequired change of air. Looking only to the running away part of thematter, I unluckily expressed some regret that he did not belong to theNorth Cork, and I remarked the doctor did not seem to relish theallusion, and as I only now remember, it was his regiment, I supposeI'm in for more mischief. "

I had no time to enjoy Curzon's dilemma, and had barely informed him ofmy intended departure, when a voice from without the room proclaimed that"Pether" was ready, and having commissioned the adjutant to say the"proper" to Mr. Beamish and the doctor, hurried away, and after a heartyshake of the hand from Father Brennan, and a faithful promise to returnsoon, I mounted and set off. 

Peter's pace was of all others the one least likely to disturb thelucubrations of a castle-builder like myself; without any admonition fromwhip or spur he maintained a steady and constant canter, which, I am freeto confess, was more agreeable to sit, than it was graceful to behold;for his head being much lower than his tail, he every moment appeared inthe attitude of a diver about to plunge into the water, and more thanonce I had misgivings that I would consult my safety better if I sat withmy face to the tail; however, what will not habit accomplish? before Ihad gone a mile or two, I was so lost in my own reveries and reflections, that I knew nothing of my mode of progression, and had only thoughts andfeelings for the destiny that awaited me; sometimes I would fancy myselfseated in the House of Commons, (on the ministerial benches, of course, )while some leading oppositionist was pronouncing a glowing panegyric uponthe eloquent and statesmanlike speech of the gallant colonel--myself;then I thought I was making arrangements for setting out for my newappointment, and Sancho Panza never coveted the government of an islandmore than I did, though only a West Indian one; and, lastly, I saw myselfthe chosen diplomate on a difficult mission, and was actually engaged inthe easy and agreeable occupation of outmaneuvering Talleyrand and Pozzodi Borgo, when Peter suddenly drew up at the door of a small cabin, andconvinced me that I was still a mortal man, and a lieutenant in hisMajesty's 4_th. Before I had time afforded me even to guess at thereason of this sudden halt, an old man emerged from the cabin, which Isaw now was a road-side ale-house, and presented Peter with a bucket ofmeal and water, a species of "viaticum" that he evidently was accustomedto, at this place, whether bestrode by a priest or an ambassador. Beforeme lay a long straggling street of cabins, irregularly thrown, as ifriddled over the ground; this I was informed was Kilkee; while my goodsteed, therefore, was enjoying his potation, I dismounted, to stretch mylegs and look about me, and scarcely had I done so when I found half thepopulation of the village assembled round Peter, whose claims tonotoriety, I now learned, depended neither upon his owner's fame, noreven my temporary possession of him. Peter, in fact, had been a racer, once--when, the wandering Jew might perhaps have told, had he evervisited Clare--for not the oldest inhabitant knew the date of histriumphs on the turf; though they were undisputed traditions, and neverdid any man appear bold enough to call them in question: whether it wasfrom his patriarchal character, or that he was the only race-horse everknown in his county I cannot say, but, of a truth, the Grand Lama couldscarcely be a greater object of reverence in Thibet, than was Peter inKilkee. 

"Musha, Peter, but it's well y'r looking, " cried one. 

"Ah, thin, maybe ye an't fat on the ribs, " cried another. 

"An' cockin' his tail like a coult, " said a third. 

I am very certain, if I might venture to judge from the faces about, that, had the favourite for the St. Leger, passed through Kilkee at thatmoment, comparisons very little to his favor had been drawn from theassemblage around me. With some difficulty I was permitted to reach mymuch admired steed, and with a cheer, which was sustained and caught upby every denizen of the village as I passed through, I rode on my way, not a little amused at my equivocal popularity. 

Being desirous to lose no time, I diverged from the straight road whichleads to Kilrush, and took a cross bridle-path to Callonby; this, Iafterwards discovered was a detour of a mile or two, and it was alreadysun-set when I reached the entrance to the park. I entered the avenue, and now my impatience became extreme, for although Peter continued tomove at the same uniform pace, I could not persuade myself that he wasnot foundering at every step, and was quite sure we were scarcelyadvancing; at last I reached the wooden bridge, and ascended the steepslope, the spot where I had first met her, on whom my every thought nowrested. I turned the angle of the clump of beech trees from whence thefirst view of the house is caught--I perceived to my inexpressibledelight that gleams of light shone from many of the windows, and couldtrace their passing from one to the other. I now drew rein, and with aheart relieved from a load of anxiety, pulled up my good steed, and beganto think of the position in which a few brief seconds would place me. I reached the small flower-garden, sacred by a thousand endearingrecollections. Oh! of how very little account are the many words ofpassing kindness, and moments of light-hearted pleasure, when spoken orfelt, compared to the memory of them when hallowed by time or distance. 

"The place, the hour, the sunshine and the shade, " all reminded me of thehappy past, and all brought vividly before me every portion of that dreamof happiness in which I was so utterly--so completely steeped--everythought of the hopelessness of my passion was lost in the intensity ofit, and I did not, in the ardour of my loving, stop to think of itspossible success. 

It was strange enough that the extreme impatience, the hurried anxiety, Ihad felt and suffered from, while riding up the avenue, had now fledentirely, and in its place I felt nothing but a diffident distrust ofmyself, and a vague sense of awkwardness about intruding thusunexpectedly upon the family, while engaged in all the cares andpreparations for a speedy departure. The hall-door lay as usual wideopen, the hall itself was strewn and littered with trunks, imperials, and packing-cases, and the hundred et ceteras of travelling baggage. I hesitated a moment whether I should not ring, but at last resolved toenter unannounced, and, presuming upon my intimacy, see what effect mysudden appearance would have on Lady Jane, whose feelings towards mewould be thus most unequivocally tested. I passed along the widecorridor, entered the music-room--it was still--I walked then to the doorof the drawing-room--I paused--I drew a full breath--my hand trembledslightly as I turned the lock--I entered--the room was empty, but theblazing fire upon the hearth, the large arm-chairs drawn around, thescattered books upon the small tables, all told that it had beeninhabited a very short time before. Ah! thought I, looking at my watch, they are at dinner, and I began at once to devise a hundred differentplans to account for my late absence and present visit. I knew that afew minutes would probably bring them into the drawing-room, and I feltflurried and heated as the time drew near. At last I heard voiceswithout--I started from the examination of a pencil drawing but partlyfinished, but the artist of which I could not be deceived in--I listened--the sounds drew near--I could not distinguish who were the speakers--the door-lock turned, and I rose to make my well-conned, buthalf-forgotten speech; and oh, confounded disappointment, Mrs. Herbert, the house-keeper, entered. She started, not expecting to see me, andimmediately said, "Oh! Mr. Lorrequer! then you've missed them. "

"Missed them!" said I; "how--when--where?"

"Did you not get a note from my lord?"

"No; when was it written?"

"Oh, dear me, that is so very unfortunate. Why, sir, my lord sent off aservant this morning to Kilrush, in Lord Kilkee's tilbury, to request youwould meet them all in Ennis this evening, where they had intended tostop for to-night; and they waited here till near four o'clock to-day, but when the servant came back with the intelligence that you were fromhome, and not expected to return soon, they were obliged to set out, andare not going to make any delay now, till they reach London. The lastdirection, however, my lord gave, was to forward her ladyship's letter toyou as soon as possible. "

What I thought, said, or felt, might be a good subject of confession toFather Malachi, for I fear it may be recorded among my sins, as I doubtnot that the agony I suffered vented itself in no measured form of speechor conduct; but I have nothing to confess here on the subject, being sototally overwhelmed as not to know what I did or said. My first gleam ofreason elicited itself by asking, "Is there, then, no chance of their stopping in Ennis to-night?" As Iput the question my mind reverted to Peter and his eternal canter. 

"Oh, dear, no, sir; the horses are ordered to take them, since Tuesday;and they only thought of staying in Ennis, if you came time enough tomeet them--and they will be so sorry. "

"Do you think so, Mrs. Herbert? do you, indeed, think so?" said I, in amost insinuating tone. 

"I am perfectly sure of it, sir. "

"Oh, Mrs. Herbert, you are too kind to think so; but perhaps--that is--may be, Mrs. Herbert, she said something--"

"Who, sir?"

"Lady Callonby, I mean; did her ladyship leave any message for me abouther plants? or did she remember--"

Mrs. Herbert kept looking at me all the time, with her great wide greyeyes, while I kept stammering and blushing like a school-boy. 

"No, sir; her ladyship said nothing, sir; but Lady Jane--"

"Yes; well, what of Lady Jane, my dear Mrs. Herbert?"

"Oh, sir! but you look pale; would not you like to have a little wine andwater--or perhaps--"

"No, thank you, nothing whatever; I am just a little fatigued--but youwere mentioning--"

"Yes, sir; I was saying that Lady Jane was mighty particular about asmall plant; she ordered it to be left in her dressing-room, thoughCollins told her to have some of the handsome ones of the green-house, she would have nothing but this; and if you were only to hear half thedirections she gave about keeping it watered, and taking off dead leaves, you'd think her heart was set on it. "

Mrs. Herbert would have had no cause to prescribe for my paleness had sheonly looked at me this time; fortunately, however, she was engaged, housekeeper-like, in bustling among books, papers, &c. Which she had comein for the purpose of arranging and packing up. She being left behind tobring up the rear, and the heavy baggage. 

Very few moments' consideration were sufficient to show me that pursuitwas hopeless; whatever might have been Peter's performance in the reignof "Queen Anne, " he had now become like the goose so patheticallydescribed by my friend Lover, rather "stiff in his limbs, " and the oddswere fearfully against his overtaking four horses, starting fresh everyten miles, not to mention their being some hours in advance already. Having declined all Mrs. Herbert's many kind offers, anent food and rest, I took a last lingering look at the beautiful pictures, which still heldits place in the room lately mine, and hurried from a place so full ofrecollections; and, notwithstanding the many reasons I had forself-gratulation, every object around and about, filled me with sorrowand regret for hours that had passed--never, never to return. 

It was very late when I reached my old quarters at Kilrush; Mrs. Healyfortunately was in bed asleep--fortunately I say, for had she selectedthat occasion to vent her indignation for my long absence, I greatly fearthat, in my then temper I should have exhibited but little of thatJob-like endurance for which I was once esteemed; I entered my littlemean-looking parlour, with its three chairs and lame table, and, as Iflung myself upon the wretched substitute for a sofa, and thought uponthe varied events which a few weeks had brought about; it required theaid of her ladyship's letter, which I opened before me, to assure me Iwas not dreaming. 

The entire of that night I could not sleep; my destiny seemed upon itsbalance; and, whether the scale inclined to this side or that, good orevil fortune seemed to betide me. How many were my plans andresolutions, and how often abandoned; again to be pondered over, and oncemore given up. The grey dawn of the morning was already breaking, andfound me still doubting and uncertain. At last the die was thrown; Idetermined at once to apply for leave to my commanding officer, (which hecould, if he pleased, give me, without any application to the HorseGuards, ) set out for Elton, tell Sir Guy my whole adventure, andendeavour, by a more moving love story than ever graced even the MinervaPress, to induce him to make some settlement on me, and use his influencewith Lord Callonby in my behalf; this done, set out for London, and then--and then--what then?--then for the Morning Post--"Cadeau de noces"--"happy couple"--"Lord Callonby's seat in Hampshire, " &c. &c. 

"You wished to be called at five, sir, " said Stubber. 

"Yes; is it five o'clock?"

"No, sir; but I heard you call out something about 'four horses, ' and Ithought you might be hurried, so I came a little earlier. "

"Quite right, Stubber; let me have my breakfast as soon as possible, andsee that chestnut horse I brought here last night, fed. "

"And now for it, " said I, after writing a hurried note to Curzon, requesting him to take command of my party at Kilrush, till he heard fromme, and sending my kindest remembrance to my three friends; I despatchedthe epistle by my servant on Peter, while I hastened to acquire a place inthe mail for Ennis, on the box seat of which let my kind reader supposeme seated, as wrapping my box-coat around me, I lit my cigar and turnedmy eyes towards Limerick. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

CONGRATULATIONS--SICK LEAVE--HOW TO PASS THE BOARD. 

I had scarcely seated myself to breakfast at Swinburn's hotel inLimerick, when the waiter presented me with a letter. As my first glanceat the address showed it to be in Colonel Carden's handwriting, I feltnot a little alarmed for the consequences of the rash step I had taken inleaving my detachment; and, while quickly thronging fancies of arrest andcourtmartial flitted before me, I summoned resolution at last to breakthe seal, and read as follows:--

 "My dear Lorrequer, " ("dear Lorrequer!" dear me, thought I; cool certainly, from one I have ever regarded as an open enemy)--"My dear Lorrequer, I have just accidentally heard of your arrival here, and hasten to inform you, that, as it may not be impossible your reasons for so abruptly leaving your detachment are known to me, I shall not visit your breach of discipline very heavily. My old and worthy friend, Lord Callonby, who passed through here yesterday, has so warmly interested himself in your behalf, that I feel disposed to do all in my power to serve you; independently of my desire to do so on your own account. Come over here, then, as soon as possible, and let us talk over your plans together. 

 "Believe me, most truly yours, "Henry Carden. "Barracks, 10 o'clock. "

However mysterious and difficult to unravel, have been some of thecircumstances narrated in these "Confessions, " I do not scruple to avowthat the preceding letter was to me by far the most inexplicable piece offortune I had hitherto met with. That Lord Callonby should haveconverted one whom I believed an implacable foe, into a most obligingfriend, was intelligible enough, seeing that his lordship had throughlife been the patron of the colonel; but why he had so done, and whatcommunications he could possibly have made with regard to me, thatColonel Carden should speak of "my plans" and proffer assistance in themwas a perfect riddle; and the only solution, one so ridiculouslyflattering that I dared not think of it. I read and re-read the note;misplaced the stops; canvassed every expression; did all to detect ameaning different from the obvious one, fearful of a self-deception whereso much was at stake. Yet there it stood forth, a plain straightforwardproffer of services, for some object evidently known to the writer; andmy only conclusion, from all, was this, that "my Lord Callonby was thegem of his order, and had a most remarkable talent for selecting ason-in-law. "

I fell into a deep reverie upon my past life, and the prospects which Inow felt were opening before me. Nothing seemed extravagant to hopes sowell founded--to expectations so brilliant--and, in my mind's eye, Ibeheld myself at one moment leading my young and beautiful bride throughthe crowded salons of Devonshire House; and, at the next, I wascontemplating the excellence and perfection of my stud arrangements atMelton, for I resolved not to give up hunting. While in this pleasurableexercise of my fancy, I was removing from before me some of the breakfastequipage, or, as I then believed it, breaking the trees into bettergroups upon my lawn, I was once more brought to the world and its dullreality, by the following passage which my eye fell upon in the newspaperbefore me--"We understand that the 4_th are daily expecting the route forCork, from whence they are to sail, early in the ensuing month forHalifax, to relieve the 99th. " While it did not take a moment'sconsideration to show me that though the regiment there mentioned was theone I belonged to, I could have no possible interest in the announcement;it never coming into my calculation that I should submit to suchexpatriation; yet it gave me a salutary warning that there was no timeto be lost in making my application for leave, which, once obtained, I should have ample time to manage an exchange into another corps. The wonderful revolution a few days had effected in all my tastes anddesires, did not escape me at this moment. But a week or two before andI should have regarded an order for foreign service as anything ratherthan unpleasant--now the thought was insupportable. Then there wouldhave been some charm to me in the very novelty of the locale, and theindulgence of that vagrant spirit I have ever possessed; for, likeJustice Woodcock, "I certainly should have been a vagabond if Providencehad not made me a justice of the peace"--now, I could not evencontemplate the thing as possible; and would have actually refused thecommand of a regiment, if the condition of its acceptance were to sailfor the colonies. 

Besides, I tried--and how ingenious is self-deception--I tried to findarguments in support of my determination totally different from thereasons which governed me. I affected to fear climate, and to dread theeffect of the tropics upon my health. It may do very well, thought I, for men totally destitute of better prospects; with neither talent, influence or powerful connexion, to roast their cheeks at Sierra Leone, or suck a sugar-cane at St. Lucia. But that you, Harry Lorrequer, shouldwaste your sweetness upon planters' daughters--that have only to beknown, to have the world at your feet! The thing is absurd, and not tobe thought of! Yes, said I half aloud--we read in the army list, thatMajor A. Is appointed to the 50th, and Capt. B. To the 12th; but how muchmore near the truth would it be, to say--"That His Majesty, inconsideration of the distinguished services of the one, has beengraciously pleased to appoint him to--a case of blue and collapsedcholera, in India; and also, for the bravery and gallant conduct of theother, in his late affair with the 'How-dow-dallah Indians, ' has promotedhim to the--yellow fever now devastating and desolating Jamaica. " Howfar my zeal for the service might have carried me on this point, I knownot; for I was speedily aroused from my musings by the loud tramp of feetupon the stairs, and the sound of many well-known voices of my brotherofficers, who were coming to visit me. 

"So, Harry, my boy, " said the fat major as he entered; "is it true we arenot to have the pleasure of your company to Jamaica this time?"

"He prefers a pale face, it seems, to a black one; and certainly, withthirty thousand in the same scale, the taste is excusable. "

"But, Lorrequer, " said a third, "we heard that you had canvassed thecounty on the Callonby interest. Why, man, where do you mean to pullup?"

"As for me, " lisped a large-eyed, white-haired ensign of three months'standing, "I think it devilish hard, old Carden didn't send ME downthere, too, for I hear there are two girls in the family. Eh, Lorrequer?"

Having with all that peculiar bashfulness such occasions are sure toelicit, disclaimed the happiness my friends so clearly ascribed to me, I yet pretty plainly let it be understood that the more brilliant theysupposed my present prospects to be, the more near were they to estimatethem justly. One thing certainly gratified me throughout. All seemedrejoiced at my good fortune, and even the old Scotch paymaster made nomore caustic remark than that he "wad na wonder if the chiel's blackwhiskers wad get him made governor of Stirling Castle before he'd dee. "

Should any of my most patient listeners to these my humble confessions, wonder either here, or elsewhere, upon what very slight foundations Ibuilt these my "Chateaux en Espagne, " I have only one answer--"that frommy boyhood I have had a taste for florid architecture, and would ratherput up with any inconvenience of ground, than not build at all. "

As it was growing late I hurriedly bade adieu to my friends, and hastenedto Colonel Carden's quarters, where I found him waiting for me, incompany with my old friend, Fitzgerald, our regimental surgeon. Ourfirst greetings over, the colonel drew me aside into a window, and saidthat, from certain expressions Lord Callonby had made use of--certainhints he had dropped--he was perfectly aware of the delicate position inwhich I stood with respect to his lordship's family. "In fact, my dearLorrequer, " he continued, "without wishing in the least to obtrude myselfupon your confidence, I must yet be permitted to say, you are theluckiest fellow in Europe, and I most sincerely congratulate you on theprospect before you. "

"But, my dear Colonel, I assure you--"

"Well, well, there--not a word more; don't blush now. I know there isalways a kind of secrecy thought necessary on these occasions, for thesake of other parties; so let us pass to your plans. From what I havecollected, you have not yet proposed formally. But, of course you desirea leave. You'll not quit the army, I trust; no necessity for that; suchinfluence as yours can always appoint you to an unattached commission. "

"Once more let me protest, sir, that though for certain reasons mostdesirous to obtain a leave of absence, I have not the most remote--"

"That's right, quite right; I am sincerely gratified to hear you say so, and so will be Lord Callonby; for he likes the service. "

And thus was my last effort at a disclaimer cut short by the loquaciouslittle colonel, who regarded my unfinished sentence as a concurrence withhis own opinion. 

"Allah il Allah, " thought I, "it is my Lord Callonby's own plot; and hisfriend Colonel Cardon aids and abets him. "

"Now, Lorrequer, " resumed the colonel, "let us proceed. You have, ofcourse, heard that we are ordered abroad; mere newspaper report for thepresent; nevertheless, it is extremely difficult--almost impossible, without a sick certificate, to obtain a leave sufficiently long for yourpurpose. "

And here he smirked, and I blushed, selon les regles. . 

"A sick certificate, " said I in some surprise. 

"The only thing for you, " said Fitzgerald, taking a long pinch of snuff;"and I grieve to say you have a most villainous look of good health aboutyou. "

"I must acknowledge I have seldom felt better. "

"So much the worse--so much the worse, " said Fitzgerald despondingly. "Is there no family complaint; no respectable heir-loom of infirmity, youcan lay claim to from your kindred?"

"None, that I know of, unless a very active performance on the severaloccasions of breakfast, dinner, and supper, with a tendency towards port, and an inclination to sleep ten in every twenty-four hours, be a sign ofsickness; these symptoms I have known many of the family suffer foryears, without the slightest alleviation, though, strange as it mayappear, they occasionally had medical advice. "

Fitz. Took no notice of my sneer at the faculty, but proceeded to strikemy chest several times, with his finger tips. "Try a short cough now, "said he. "Ah, that will never do!"

"Do you ever flush. Before dinner I mean?"

"Occasionally, when I meet with a luncheon. "

"I'm fairly puzzled, " said poor Fitz. Throwing himself into a chair;"gout is a very good thing; but, then, you see you are only a sub. , andit is clearly against the articles of war, to have it before being afield officer at least. Apoplexy is the best I can do for you; and, tosay the truth, any one who witnesses your performance at mess, may putfaith in the likelihood of it. 

"Do you think you could get up a fit for the medical board, " said Fitz. , gravely. 

"Why, if absolutely indispensable, " said I, "and with good instruction--something this way. Eh, is it not?"

"Nothing of the kind: you are quite wrong. "

"Is there not always a little laughing and crying, " said I. 

"Oh, no, no; take the cue from the paymaster any evening after mess, andyou'll make no mistake--very florid about the cheeks; rather a lazy lookin one eye, the other closed up entirely; snore a little from time totime, and don't be too much disposed to talk. "

"And you think I may pass muster in this way. "

"Indeed you may, if old Camie, the inspector, happen to be (what he isnot often) in a good humour. But I confess I'd rather you were reallyill, for we've passed a great number of counterfeits latterly, and we maybe all pulled up ere long. "

"Not the less grateful for your kindness, " said I; "but still, I'd rathermatters stood as they do. "

Having, at length, obtained a very formidable statement of my 'case' fromthe Doctor, and a strong letter from the Colonel, deploring the temporaryloss of so promising a young officer, I committed myself and myportmanteau to the inside of his Majesty's mail, and started for Dublinwith as light a heart and high spirits, as were consistent with so muchdelicacy of health, and the directions of my Doctor. 

CHAPTER IX. 

THE ROAD--TRAVELLING ACQUAINTANCES--A PACKET ADVENTURE. 

I shall not stop now to narrate the particulars of my visit to theworthies of the medical board; the rather, as some of my "confessionsto come" have reference to Dublin, and many of those that dwell therein. I shall therefore content myself here with stating, that without anydifficulty I obtained a six months' leave, and having received muchadvice and more sympathy from many members of that body, took arespectful leave of them, and adjourned to Bilton's where I had ordereddinner, and (as I was advised to live low) a bottle of Sneyd's claret. My hours in Dublin were numbered; at eight o'clock on the evening of myarrival I hastened to the Pidgeon House pier, to take my berth in thepacket for Liverpool; and here, gentle reader, let me implore you if youhave bowels of compassion, to commiserate the condition of a sorry mortallike myself. In the days of which I now speak, steam packets were not--men knew not then, of the pleasure of going to a comfortable bed inKingstown harbour, and waking on the morning after in the Clarence dockat Liverpool, with only the addition of a little sharper appetite forbreakfast, before they set out on an excursion of forty miles per hourthrough the air. 

In the time I have now to commemorate, the intercourse between the twocountries was maintained by two sailing vessels of small tonnage, andstill scantier accommodation. Of the one now in question I wellrecollect the name--she was called the "Alert, " and certainly a moreunfortunate misnomer could scarcely be conceived. Well, there was nochoice; so I took my place upon the crowded deck of the little craft, andin a drizzling shower of chilly rain, and amid more noise, confusion, andbustle, than would prelude the launch of a line-of-battle ship, we"sidled, " goose-fashion, from the shore, and began our voyage towardsEngland. 

It is not my intention, in the present stage of "my Confessions, " todelay on the road towards an event which influenced so powerfully, and sopermanently, my after life; yet I cannot refrain from chronicling aslight incident which occurred on board the packet, and which, I have nodoubt, may be remembered by some of those who throw their eyes on thesepages. 

One of my fellow-passengers was a gentleman holding a high officialappointment in the viceregal court, either comptroller of the household, master of the horse, or something else equally magnificent; however, whatever the nature of the situation, one thing is certain--one possessedof more courtly manners, and more polished address, cannot be conceived, to which he added all the attractions of a very handsome person and amost prepossessing countenance. The only thing the most scrupulouscritic could possibly detect as faulty in his whole air and bearing, wasa certain ultra refinement and fastidiousness, which in a man ofacknowledged family and connections was somewhat unaccountable, andcertainly unnecessary. The fastidiousness I speak of, extended toeverything round and about him; he never eat of the wrong dish, nor spoketo the wrong man in his life, and that very consciousness gave him a kindof horror of chance acquaintances, which made him shrink within himselffrom persons in every respect his equals. Those who knew Sir StewartMoore, will know I do not exaggerate in either my praise or censure, andto those who have not had that pleasure, I have only to say, theirs wasthe loss, and they must take my word for the facts. 

The very antithesis to the person just mentioned, was another passengerthen on board. She, for even in sex they were different--she was ashort, squat, red-faced, vulgar-looking woman, of about fifty, possessedof a most garrulous tendency, and talking indiscriminately with every oneabout her, careless what reception her addresses met with, and quiteindifferent to the many rebuffs she momentarily encountered. To me bywhat impulse driven Heaven knows this amorphous piece of womanhood seemeddetermined to attach herself. Whether in the smoky and almostimpenetrable recesses of the cabin, or braving the cold and penetratingrain upon deck, it mattered not, she was ever at my side, and not onlymartyring me by the insufferable annoyance of her vulgar loquacity, butactually, from the appearance of acquaintanceship such constantassociation gave rise to, frightening any one else from conversing withme, and rendering me, ere many hours, a perfect Paria among thepassengers. By not one were we--for, alas, we had become Siamese--sothoroughly dreaded as by the refined baronet I have mentioned; heappeared to shrink from our very approach, and avoided us as though wehad the plagues of Egypt about us. I saw this--I felt it deeply, and asdeeply and resolutely I vowed to be revenged, and the time was not longdistant in affording me the opportunity. 

The interesting Mrs. Mulrooney, for such was my fair companion called, was on the present occasion making her debut on what she was pleased tocall the "says;" she was proceeding to the Liverpool market as proprietorand supercargo over some legion of swine that occupied the hold of thevessel, and whose mellifluous tones were occasionally heard in allparts of the ship. Having informed me on these, together with somecircumstances of her birth and parentage, she proceeded to narrate someof the cautions given by her friends as to her safety when making such along voyage, and also to detail some of the antiseptics to that dreadscourge, sea-sickness, in the fear and terror of which she had come onboard, and seemed every hour to be increasing in alarm about. 

"Do you think then sir, that pork is no good agin the sickness? Mickey, that's my husband, sir, says it's the only thing in life for it, av it'stoasted. "

"Not the least use, I assure you. "

"Nor sperits and wather?"

"Worse and worse, ma'am. "

"Oh, thin, maybe oaten mail tay would do? it's a beautiful thing for thestomick, any how. "

"Rank poison on the present occasion, believe me. "

"Oh, then, blessed Mary, what am I to do--what is to become of me?"

"Go down at once to your berth, ma'am; lie still and without speakingtill we come in sight of land; or, " and here a bright thought seized me, "if you really feel very ill, call for that man there, with the furcollar on his coat; he can give you the only thing I ever knew of anyefficacy; he's the steward, ma'am, Stewart Moore; but you must be on yourguard too as you are a stranger, for he's a conceited fellow, and hassaved a trifle, and sets up for a half gentleman; so don't be surprisedat his manner; though, after all, you may find him very different; somepeople, I've heard, think him extremely civil. "

"And he has a cure, ye say?"

"The only one I ever heard of; it is a little cordial of which you take, I don't know how much, every ten or fifteen minutes. "

"And the naygur doesn't let the saycret out, bad manners to him?"

"No, ma'am; he has refused every offer on the subject. '

"May I be so bowld as to ax his name again?"

"Stewart Moore, ma'am. Moore is the name, but people always call himStewart Moore; just say that in a loud clear voice, and you'll soon havehim. "

With the most profuse protestations of gratitude and promises of pork "adiscretion, " if I ever sojourned at Ballinasloe, my fair friend proceededto follow my advice, and descended to the cabin. 

Some hours after, I also betook myself to my rest, from which, however, towards midnight I was awoke by the heavy working and pitching of thelittle vessel, as she laboured in a rough sea. As I looked forth from mynarrow crib, a more woe-begone picture can scarcely be imagined than thatbefore me. Here and there through the gloomy cabin lay the victims ofthe fell malady, in every stage of suffering, and in every attitude ofmisery. Their cries and lamentings mingled with the creaking of thebulk-heads and the jarring twang of the dirty lamp, whose irregular swingtold plainly how oscillatory was our present motion. I turned from theunpleasant sight, and was about again to address myself to slumber withwhat success I might, when I started at the sound of a voice in the veryberth next to me--whose tones, once heard, there was no forgetting. Thewords ran as nearly as I can recollect thus:--

"Oh, then, bad luck to ye for pigs, that ever brought me into the like ofthis. Oh, Lord, there it is again. " And here a slight interruption toeloquence took place, during which I was enabled to reflect upon theauthor of the complaint, who, I need not say, was Mrs. Mulrooney. 

"I think a little tay would settle my stomach, if I only could get it;but what's the use of talking in this horrid place? They never mind meno more than if I was a pig. Steward, steward--oh, then, it's wishingyou well I am for a steward. Steward, I say;" and this she really didsay, with an energy of voice and manner that startled more than onesleeper. "Oh, you're coming at last, steward. "

"Ma'am, " said a little dapper and dirty personage, in a blue jacket, witha greasy napkin negligently thrown over one arm "ex officio, " "Ma'am, didyou call?"

"Call, is it call? No; but I'm roaring for you this half hour. Comehere. Have you any of the cordial dhrops agin the sickness?--you knowwhat I mean. "

"Is it brandy, ma'am?"

"No, it isn't brandy;"

"We have got gin, ma'am, and bottled porter--cider, ma'am, if you like. "

"Agh, no! sure I want the dhrops agin the sickness. "

"Don't know indeed, ma'am. "

"Ah, you stupid creature; maybe you're not the real steward. What's yourname?"

"Smith, ma'am. "

"Ah, I thought so; go away, man, go away. "

This injunction, given in a diminuendo cadence, was quickly obeyed, andall was silence for a moment or two. Once more was I dropping asleep, when the same voice as before burst out with--

"Am I to die here like a haythen, and nobody to come near me? Steward, steward, steward Moore, I say. "

"Who calls me?" said a deep sonorous voice from the opposite side of thecabin, while at the same instant a tall green silk nightcap, surmountinga very aristocratic-looking forehead, appeared between the curtains ofthe opposite berth. 

"Steward Moore, " said the lady again, with her eyes straining in thedirection of the door by which she expected him to enter. 

"This is most strange, " muttered the baronet, half aloud. "Why, madam, you are calling me!"

"And if I am, " said Mrs. Mulrooney, "and if ye heerd me, have ye nomanners to answer your name, eh? Are ye steward Moore?"

"Upon my soul ma'am I thought so last night, when I came on board; butyou really have contrived to make me doubt my own identity. "

"And is it there ye're lying on the broad of yer back, and me as sick asa dog fornent ye?"

"I concede ma'am the fact; the position is a most irksome one on everyaccount. "

"Then why don't ye come over to me?" and this Mrs. Mulrooney said with avoice of something like tenderness--wishing at all hazards to conciliateso important a functionary. 

"Why, really you are the most incomprehensible person I ever met. "

"I'm what?" said Mrs. Mulrooney, her blood rushing to her face andtemples as she spoke--for the same reason as her fair townswoman isreported to have borne with stoical fortitude every harsh epithet of thelanguage, until it occurred to her opponent to tell her that "the divil abit better she was nor a pronoun;" so Mrs. Mulrooney, taking "omneignotum pro horribili, " became perfectly beside herself at the unluckyphrase. "I'm what? repate it av ye dare, and I'll tear yer eyes out? Yedirty bla--guard, to be lying there at yer ease under the blankets, grinning at me. What's your thrade--answer me that--av it isn't to waiton the ladies, eh?"

"Oh, the woman must be mad, " said Sir Stewart. 

"The devil a taste mad, my dear--I'm only sick. Now just come over tome, like a decent creature, and give me the dhrop of comfort ye have. Come, avick. "

"Go over to you?"

"Ay, and why not? or if it's so lazy ye are, why then I'll thry and crossover to your side. "

These words being accompanied by a certain indication of change ofresidence on the part of Mrs. Mulrooney, Sir Stewart perceived there wasno time to lose, and springing from his berth, he rushed half-dressedthrough the cabin, and up the companion-ladder, just as Mrs. Mulrooneyhad protruded a pair of enormous legs from her couch, and hung for amoment pendulous before she dropped upon the floor, and followed him tothe deck. A tremendous shout of laughter from the sailors and deckpassengers prevented my hearing the dialogue which ensued; nor do I yetknow how Mrs. Mulrooney learned her mistake. Certain it is, she no moreappeared among the passengers in the cabin, and Sir Stewart's manner thefollowing morning at breakfast amply satisfied me that I had had myrevenge. 

CHAPTER X. 

UPSET--MIND--AND BODY. 

No sooner in Liverpool, than I hastened to take my place in the earliestconveyance for London. At that time the Umpire Coach was the perfectionof fast travelling; and seated behind the box, enveloped in a sufficiencyof broad-cloth, I turned my face towards town with as much anxiety and asardent expectations as most of those about me. All went on in theregular monotonous routine of such matters until we reached Northampton, passing down the steep street of which town, the near wheel-horsestumbled and fell; the coach, after a tremendous roll to one side, toppled over on the other, and with a tremendous crash, and sudden shock, sent all the outsides, myself among the number, flying through the airlike sea-gulls. As for me, after describing a very respectable parabola, my angle of incidence landed me in a bonnet-maker's shop, having passedthrough a large plate-glass window, and destroyed more leghorns anddunstables than a year's pay would recompense. I have but lightrecollection of the details of that occasion, until I found myself lyingin a very spacious bed at the George Inn, having been bled in both arms, and discovering by the multitude of bandages in which I was enveloped, that at least some of my bones were broken by the fall. That such fatehad befallen my collar-bone and three of my ribs I soon learned; and washorror-struck at hearing from the surgeon who attended me, that four orfive weeks would be the very earliest period I could bear removal withsafety. Here then at once was a large deduction from my six months'leave, not to think of the misery that awaited me for such a time, confined to my bed in an inn, without books, friends, or acquaintances. However even this could be remedied by patience, and summoning up all Icould command, I "bided my time, " but not before I had completed a termof two months' imprisonment, and had become, from actual starvation, something very like a living transparency. 

No sooner, however, did I feel myself once more on the road, than myspirits rose, and I felt myself as full of high hope and buoyantexpectancy as ever. It was late at night when I arrived in London. I drove to a quiet hotel in the west-end; and the following morningproceeded to Portman-square, bursting with impatience to see my friendsthe Callonbys, and recount all my adventures--for as I was too ill towrite from Northampton, and did not wish to entrust to a stranger theoffice of communicating with them, I judged that they must be exceedinglyuneasy on my account, and pictured to myself the thousand emotions myappearance so indicative of illness would give rise to; and couldscarcely avoid running in my impatience to be once more among them. HowLady Jane would meet me, I thought of over again and again; whether thesame cautious reserve awaited me, or whether her family's approval wouldhave wrought a change in her reception of me, I burned to ascertain. Asmy thoughts ran on in this way, I found myself at the door; but was muchalarmed to perceive that the closed window-shutters and dismantled lookof the house proclaimed them from home. I rung the bell, and soonlearned from a servant, whose face I had not seen before, that the familyhad gone to Paris about a month before, with the intention of spendingthe winter there. I need not say how grievously this piece ofintelligence disappointed me, and for a minute or two I could notcollect my thoughts. At last the servant said:

"If you have any thing very particular, sir, that my Lord's lawyer cando, I can give you his address. "

"No, thank you--nothing;" at the same time I muttered to myself, "I'llhave some occupation for him though ere long. The family were all quitewell, didn't you say?"

"Yes sir, perfectly well. My Lord had only a slight cold, "

"Ah--yes--and there address is 'Meurice;' very well. "

So saying I turned from the door, and with slower steps than I had come, returned to my hotel. 

My immediate resolve was to set out for Paris; my second was to visit myuncle, Sir Guy Lorrequer, first, and having explained to him the natureof my position, and the advantageous prospects before me, endeavour toinduce him to make some settlement on Lady Jane, in the event of myobtaining her family's consent to our marriage. This, from his likinggreat people much, and laying great stress upon the advantages ofconnexion, I looked upon as a matter of no great difficulty; so that, although my hopes of happiness were delayed in their fulfilment, Ibelieved they were only about to be the more securely realized. The sameday I set out for Elton, and by ten o'clock at night reached my uncle'shouse. I found the old gentleman looking just as I had left him threeyears before, complaining a little of gout in the left foot--praising hisold specific, port-wine--abusing his servants for robbing him--anddrinking the Duke of Wellington's health every night after supper; whichmeal I had much pleasure in surprising him at on my arrival--not havingeaten since my departure from London. 

"Well, Harry, " said my uncle, when the servants had left the room, and wedrew over the spider table to the fire to discuss our wine with comfort, "what good wind has blown you down to me, my boy? for it's odd enough, five minutes before I heard the wheels on the gravel I was just wishingsome good fellow would join me at the grouse--and you see I have had mywish! The old story, I suppose, 'out of cash. ' Would not come down herefor nothing--eh? Come, lad, tell truth; is it not so?"

"Why, not exactly, sir; but I really had rather at present talk aboutyou, than about my own matters, which we can chat over tomorrow. How doyou get on, sir, with the Scotch steward?"

"He's a rogue, sir--a cheat--a scoundrel; but it is the same with themall; and your cousin, Harry--your cousin, that I have reared from hisinfancy to be my heir, (pleasant topic for me!) he cares no more for methan the rest of them, and would never come near me, if it were not that, like yourself, he was hard run for money, and wanted to wheedle me out ofa hundred or two. "

"But you forget, sir--I told you I have not come with such an object. "

"We'll see that--we'll see that in the morning, " replied he, with anincredulous shake of the head. 

"But Guy, sir--what has Guy done?"

"What has he not done? No sooner did he join that popinjay set offellows, the __th hussars, than he turned out, what he calls afour-in-hand drag, which dragged nine hundred pounds out of my pocket--then he has got a yacht at Cowes--a grouse mountain in Scotland--andhas actually given Tattersall an unlimited order to purchase theWreckinton pack of harriers, which he intends to keep for the use of thecorps. In a word, there is not an amusement of that villanous regiment, not a flask of champagne drank at their mess, I don't bear my share inthe cost of; all through the kind offices of your worthy cousin, GuyLorrequer. "

This was an exceedingly pleasant expose for me, to hear of my cousinindulged in every excess of foolish extravagance by his rich uncle, whileI, the son of an elder brother who unfortunately called me by his ownname, Harry, remained the sub. In a marching regiment, with not threehundred pounds a year above my pay, and whom any extravagance, if suchhad been proved against me would have deprived of even that smallallowance. My uncle however did not notice the chagrin with which Iheard his narrative, but continued to detail various instances of wildand reckless expense the future possessor of his ample property hadalready launched into. 

Anxious to say something without well-knowing what, I hinted thatprobably my good cousin would reform some of these days, and marry. 

"Marry, " said my uncle; "yes, that, I believe, is the best thing we cando with him; and I hope now the matter is in good train--so the latestaccounts say, at least. "

"Ah, indeed, " said I, endeavouring to take an interest where I reallyfelt none--for my cousin and I had never been very intimate friends, andthe differences in our fortunes had not, at least to my thinking, beencompensated by any advances which he, under the circumstances, might havemade to me. 

"Why, Harry, did you not hear of it?" said my uncle. 

"No--not a word, sir. "

"Very strange, indeed--a great match, Harry--a very great match, indeed. "

"Some rich banker's daughter, " thought I. "What will he say when hehears of my fortune?"

"A very fine young woman, too, I understand--quite the belle of London--and a splendid property left by an aunt. "

I was bursting to tell him of my affair, and that he had another nephew, to whom if common justice were rendered, his fortune was as certainlymade for life. 

"Guy's business happened this way, " continued my uncle, who was quiteengrossed by the thought of his favourite's success. "The father of theyoung lady met him in Ireland, or Scotland, or some such place, where hewas with his regiment--was greatly struck with his manner and address--found him out to be my nephew--asked him to his house--and, in fact, almost threw this lovely girl at his head before they were two monthsacquainted. "

"As nearly as possible my own adventure, " thought I, laughing to myself. 

"But you have not told me who they are, sir, " said I, dying to have hisstory finished, and to begin mine. 

"I'm coming to that--I'm coming to that. Guy came down here, but did nottell me one word of his having ever met the family, but begged me to givehim an introduction to them, as they were in Paris, where he was going ona short leave; and the first thing I heard of the matter was a letterfrom the papa, demanding from me if Guy was to be my heir, and asking'how far his attentions in his family, met with my approval. '"

"Then how did you know sir that they were previously known to eachother?"

"The family lawyer told me, who heard it all talked over. "

"And why, then, did Guy get the letter of introduction from you, when hewas already acquainted with them?"

"I am sure I cannot tell, except that you know he always does every thingunlike every one else, and to be sure the letter seems to have excitedsome amusement. I must show you his answer to my first note to know howall was going on; for I felt very anxious about matters, when I heardfrom some person who had met them, that Guy was everlastingly in thehouse, and that Lord Callonby could not live without him. "

"Lord who, sir?" said I in a voice that made the old man upset his glass, and spring from his chair in horror. 

"What the devil is the matter with the boy. What makes you so pale?"

"Whose name did you say at that moment, sir, " said I with a slowness ofspeech that cost me agony. 

"Lord Callonby, my old schoolfellow and fag at Eton. "

"And the lady's name, sir?" said I, in scarcely an audible whisper. 

"I'm sure I forget her name; but here's the letter from Guy, and I thinkhe mentions her name in the postscript. "

I snatched rudely the half-opened letter from the old man, as he wasvainly endeavouring to detect the place he wanted, and read as follows:

"My adored Jane is all your fondest wishes for my happiness couldpicture, and longs to see her dear uncle, as she already calls you onevery occasion. " I read no more--my eyes swam--the paper, the candles, every thing before me, was misty and confused; and although I heard myuncle's voice still going on, I knew nothing of what he said. 

For some time my mind could not take in the full extent of the basetreachery I had met with, and I sat speechless and stupified. By degreesmy faculties became clearer, and with one glance I read the wholebusiness, from my first meeting with them at Kilrush to the presentmoment. I saw that in their attentions to me, they thought they werewinning the heir of Elton, the future proprietor of fifteen thousand perannum. From this tangled web of heartless intrigue I turned my thoughtsto Lady Jane herself. How had she betrayed me! for certainly she had notonly received, but encouraged my addresses--and so soon, too. --To thinkthat at the very moment when my own precipitate haste to see her hadinvolved me in a nearly fatal accident, she was actually receiving theattentions of another! Oh, it was too, too bad. 

But enough--even now I can scarcely dwell upon the memory of that moment, when the hopes and dreams of many a long day and night were destined tobe thus rudely blighted. I seized the first opportunity of bidding myuncle good night; and having promised him to reveal all my plans on themorrow, hurried to my room. 

My plans! alas, I had none--that one fatal paragraph had scattered themto the winds; and I threw myself upon my bed, wretched and almostheart-broken. 

I have once before in these "Confessions" claimed to myself theprivilege, not inconsistent with a full disclosure of the memorabilia ofmy life, to pass slightly over those passages, the burden of which wasunhappy, and whose memory is painful. I must now, therefore, claim the"benefit of this act, " and beg of the reader to let me pass from this sadportion of my history, and for the full expression of my mingled rage, contempt, disappointment, and sorrow, let me beg of him to receiveinstead, what a learned pope once gave as his apology for not reading arather polysyllabic word in a Latin letter--"As for this, " said he, looking at the phrase in question, "soit qui'l dit, " so say I. And now--en route. 

EBOOK EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

A rather unlady-like fondness for snuffAmount of children which is algebraically expressed by an XAnd some did pray--who never prayed beforeAnnoyance of her vulgar loquacityBrought a punishment far exceeding the merits of the caseChateaux en EspagneEnding--I never yet met the man who could tell when it endedEscaped shot and shell to fall less gloriously beneath champagneExclaimed with Othello himself, "Chaos was come again;"Fearful of a self-deception where so much was at stakeGreen silk, "a little off the grass, and on the bottle"Had a most remarkable talent for selecting a son-in-lawHad to hear the "proud man's contumely"Has but one fault, but that fault is a grand oneHow ingenious is self-deceptionIf such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked"Indifferent to the many rebuffs she momentarily encounteredMemory of them when hallowed by time or distanceNo equanimity like his who acts as your second in a duelNothing seemed extravagant to hopes so well foundedNow, young ladies, come along, and learn something, if you canOh, the distance is nothing, but it is the pace that killsOpportunely been so overpowered as to fall senselessProfuse in his legends of his own doings in love and warRespectable heir-loom of infirmityStoicism which preludes sending your friend out of the worldSuppose I have laughed at better men than ever he wasThat land of punch, priests, and potatoesThat vanity which wine inspiresThat "to stand was to fall, "The divil a bit better she was nor a pronounThere are unhappily impracticable people in the worldTime, that 'pregnant old gentleman, ' will disclose allVagabond if Providence had not made me a justice of the peaceWhat will not habit accomplishWhen you pretended to be pleased, unluckily, I believed youWhose paraphrase of the book of Job was refusedWretched, gloomy-looking picture of woe-begone povertyWhat we wish we readily believe