SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING

SOME THINGS THAT ALL SANE PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT SEX NATURE ANDSEX FUNCTIONING; ITS PLACE IN THE ECONOMY OF LIFE, ITS PROPER TRAININGAND RIGHTEOUS EXERCISE

H. W. LONG, M. D. 

_AUTHORIZED EDITION_

EUGENICS PUBLISHING CO. , INC. 

NEW YORK

1919

MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

TO MY FELLOW-MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION INTO WHOSE HANDS THISBOOK MAY COME, AND TO ALL WHO MAY READ IT UNDER THEIR DIRECTION, THISVOLUME IS MOST SINCERELY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR. 

NOTE TO THE READER

IN ORDER TO GAIN A CORRECT IMPRESSION OF THE BOOK, IT IS ESSENTIALTHAT IT BE READ FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT ANY SKIPPINGWHATSOEVER. ONCE READ, IT CAN BE RE-READ, HERE AND THERE, AS THEREADER MAY DESIRE. BUT FOR A FIRST READING, IT IS THE EARNEST WISHOF THE AUTHOR THAT EVERY WORD BE READ, FOR IN NO OTHER WAY CAN THEPURPOSE OF THE BOOK BE REALIZED. 

INTRODUCTION

As we have moved down the ages, now and then, from the religiousteacher, the statesman, the inventor, the social worker, or from thedoctor, surgeon, or sexologist, there has been a "_vox clamantis indeserto_. " Usually these voices have fallen on unheeding ears; butagain and again some delver in books, some student of men, someinspired, self-effacing, or altruistic one has taken up the cry; andat last unthinking, unheeding, superficial, self-satisfied humanityhas turned to listen. 

Aristotle by the sure inductive method learned and taught much, concerning the sex relations of men and women, that it would profitus today to heed. Balzac, Luther, Michelet, Spencer, and later, atour very doors, Krafft-Ebbing, Forel, Bloch, Ellis, Freud, Hall, andscores of others have added their voices. All these have seen whitherwe were drifting, and have made vigorous protests according to theirlights. Many of these protests should have been heard, but were not, and only now are just beginning to be heeded. Such pioneers in thefield of proper, healthful, ethical, religious, sane daily sex living, have been Sturgis and Malchow, who talked earnestly to an unheedingprofession of these things, and now, I have the honor to writean introductory word to a book in this field, that is sane, wise, practical, entirely truthful, and unspeakably necessary. 

I can endorse the teachings in Dr. Long's book more fully because Ihave, for nearly a quarter of a century, been holding similar views, and dispensing similar, though perhaps less explicit, information. I know from long observation that the teaching is wholesome andnecessary, and that the results are universally uplifting. Suchteachings improve health, prolong life, and promote virtue, adding tothe happiness and lessening the burdens of men, on the one hand; onthe other, reducing their crimes and vices. A book like this wouldhave proved invaluable to me on my entrance to the married state; buthad I had it, I might not have been forced to acquire the knowledgewhich enables me now to state with all solemnity, that I personallyknow hundreds of couples whose lives were wrecked for lack of suchknowledge, and that I more intimately know hundreds of others towhom verbal teaching along the lines he has laid down, has broughthappiness, health and goodness. 

Dr. Long advances no theories; neither do I. He has found by studyinghimself and other people, a sane and salutary way of sex living, andfearlessly has prescribed this to a limited circle for a long time. Icongratulate him for his perspicacity, temerity, and wisdom. He offersno apology, and there is no occasion for any. He says, "All has beenset down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to be, in thehope of helping them on toward a divine consummation. " That is, he hasdeveloped these ideas at home, and then spread them abroad, or, he hasfound them abroad and brought them home; and they worked. 

I also speak somewhat _ex experientia_ and have some intimate personalknowledge of many of these things. Therefore, I advocate his doctrine, the more readily, and maintain that humanity needs these ideas asmuch today as when M. Jules Lemaitre wrote his late introduction toMichelet's _L'Amour_. He said: "_Il ne parait pas, apres quarante anspasses, que les choses aillent mieux, ni que le livre de Micheletait rien perdu de son a-propos_. " Twenty years more have elapsedand things have not yet become much better. Frank sex talks like Dr. Long's teaching are as a-propos today as was Michelet's book when itwas written, or when, after forty years had passed M. Lemaitre wrotehis introduction. 

Idealism is right, and we all approve it; so much so, that many of uscannot see that ultra-idealism, extremism in right, (it is foolishto attempt to attain anything better than the best) may be wrong. Undoubtedly, entire devotion to the material and physical, is alsowrong; but we never must lose sight of the palpable fact that, unlesswe have a proper, stable, natural, well-regulated physical ormaterial foundation, we must fall short of all ideals. Proper physicaladjustments enable the realization of realizable ideals. Unrealizableideals are chimeras pursued into futurity, while a world that shouldbe human and happy waits in vice and misery. I gather that Dr. Longbelieves that reducing this vice and misery, and increasing humanhappiness and improving health are suitable works with which tocompanion a faith in the Arbiter of our destinies. 

If thus he develops his idea of the integrity of the universe, I agreewith him fully. His book, since it delineates the numerous details ofa normal sex life, can be sold, thanks to our prudish public, only tothe profession. I believe it should go to the larger public as it hasgone formerly to his smaller community. 

In spite of imperfect ideals the Orient has endured, while we of theOccident are fast becoming decadent. We, by learning something ofthe art of love, and of the natural life of married people, from theHindoos, may perpetuate our civilization. They, by adopting the bestof our transcendentalism, may reach higher development than we yethave attained. 

The time has come for a book like this to command the attention ofmedical men, since now an awakened public demands from them, as theconservers of life and the directors of physiological living, explicitdirections in everything pertaining to the physician's calling, notomitting the intimate, intricate, long taboo and disdained details ofsex life and procreation. 

W. F. ROBIE, M. D. 

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

By Dr. W. F. Robie, author of "The Art of Love"

Need for facts about sex and love--Present ignorance of sexrelations--Sex information improves health, prolongs life, promotesvirtue, adds to happiness--Frank talks needed--This book describesdetails of normal sex life, describes art of love, gives explicitinstructions pertaining to intimacies of sex life. 

FOREWORD

Answers problems of sex life in the delicate relations ofmarriage--Most people too timid to reveal reasons for their sexualdifficulties--Knowledge in a book less embarrassing to gain--Neverbefore could people find facts they wanted to know most--This bookprepared especially to help husbands and wives to live wholesome sexlives--Gives them facts all married people should know--Explainshow to use that information to make marriage a success--Especiallyvaluable for newlyweds if read on honeymoon--Those now married who donot get on well together will find in this book relief from sufferingand woe. 

EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION

Wrong teachings about sex--Children brought up in ignorance on sexmatters--No information given by parents, schools, churches--Butchildren will find out even if they go to wrong sources--Some one musttell the truth--This book does it. 

THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION

Until recently it was a crime to give knowledge concerning sexrelations--Sex knowledge denied through selfishness or prudery--Thisis wrong because sex is of highest importance to human beings--Ills, crimes, misfortunes are result when people are forced to be ignorantof knowledge they need--Condemned to suffer tortures when they mightenjoy delights--Sex is clean and natural--At last sex knowledge maybe given freely--Advice in this book gained from personal andprofessional experience. 

THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE

Definite information now given which will help husbands and wivesto find perpetual and increasing happiness all their lives--Duty ofbrides and grooms to acquaint themselves with each other's sexualneeds--No man or woman should be ashamed of the sexual make-up--Theyshould be proud of their sexual functions and virility--Read the bookwithout shame or shock--Gaining honest truth about these matters ismost essential to life. 

THE SEX ORGANS

Male sex organs are penis and testicles--Size and form of penis whenat rest and during sexual excitement--Position of testicles--Why oneteste is larger--Pubic regions in men and women. 

Female sex organs are vulva, vaginal passage, womb, andovaries--Length of vaginal passage compared with distended penis--Sizeand formation of womb--Position of ovaries. 

FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS

Primary purpose of sex in the human race--Life is the result of unionof two forces--Birth the same in human beings as in other forms oflife--Process of conception in female--How female ovum is fertilizedby male--When puberty begins and ends in women. 

Menstruation, its cause and meaning--When ovum may beimpregnated--Origin of sperm in man--Purpose of prostate gland--Whatsemen is--For birth of new life union of male and female sex organsnecessary--Glans penis in man and clitoris in woman are "exciting"focal points--Climax of coitus. 

Use of sexual organs to produce offspring same in mankind as inanimals--One way in which human beings differ from animals in sexrelations--Coitus possible in animals only in "rutting" season--Inhuman beings coitus enjoyable at any time--What this difference meansto happiness--The basis of real success in marriage--Married peoplecan reach highest conditions of wedlock when they know and practicewhat is right in sex--No "rights" conferred in sex relations throughthe ceremony of marriage. 

Different views of sexual relations for purpose of happiness--Padlocksto prevent exercise of sexual functions--Effect of falsehoods aboutsex relations--Innocent brides and goody-good husbands--Differencesof opinion by brides and grooms lead to terrible wrongs on marriagenight--False teaching often results in the "rape of the weddingnight"--How definite knowledge prevents this shock to bride and makesfor perfect bliss--The second kind of coitus reserved only for humanbeings can bring highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. 

THE ACT OF COITUS

Coitus consists of four parts or acts--Where ninety-nineone-hundredths of all married troubles begin--Usually husband's faultdue to ignorance or carelessness. 

First part of act of coitus--Difference between men and women in timeneeded for sexual readiness--Women usually slower--Prostatic flowand pre-coital secretion--Coitus harmful when either partner not fullyready for sexual union--Taking time most important feature--Specialinformation for newlyweds--Woman's fear of "something new" and ofpregnancy--Husband should not insist upon "rights"--Evils whichfollow this wrong attitude--True marriage based on mutual love--Keyto married happiness--Married love needs continual care by husband andwife--Instructions for performing first part of act of coitus. 

Second part of act of coitus--Many positions possible--Bestposition--Instructions for performing second part of act of coitus. 

Third part of act of coitus--A common mistake made by many wives, especially young brides--Need for complete freedom on part ofwoman--Length of time required--Skill and intensity needed by husbandand wife--Instructions for performing third part of act of coitus. 

Fourth and final part of act of coitus--When done correctly greatestof all human experiences--What happens to the man--What occurs in thewoman--No connection with possibility of pregnancy--Designed by natureespecially for woman's satisfaction and pleasure--Special instructionfor husband and wife--Review of all the four parts of the act ofcoitus. 

THE FIRST UNION

Special conditions which must be considered when bride is tohave first sexual congress--Her state of mind--Need for betteracquaintance--What both bride and groom should know about the woman'ssex organs; where located, parts, how constructed, sensitivity--Howshape and size of mouth indicate shape and size of woman's sex organs. 

The hymen or "maidenhead"--Meaning of its presence or absence--Howit may be removed without danger or pain--First union should beaccomplished by mutual desire and effort--Chances of conception incoitus--Desire for children. 

The right to have children when wanted--A matter of choice--Differencebetween infanticide, abortion and prevention of pregnancy--How husbandand wife can tell when there is no danger of impregnation--A ruleof coitus which should never be violated--What information aboutpregnancy may be gained from menstrual period--Most women have twoweeks of "free time" each month--Freedom from fear an accomplishmentwhich adds to happiness of marriage. 

THE ART OF LOVE

Must be learned and mastered because partners in marriage oftennot matched physically or psychically--Ordinary cases of physicalmismatching--Difference in size of sex organs may produce unfortunateresults--How to discover physical mismatching--How to correctit--Instructions for overcoming physical mismatching. 

Psychical mismatching--Differences between men and women cause forgreat dissatisfaction if not known and corrected--Instructions forcorrecting psychical mismatching if husband is at fault; if wife isat fault--Extending time of first part of coitus--Inducing pre-coitalflow in woman--Essential that first part of coitus be continued untilwoman is ready for second part--Necessity for husband to know ways toextend time of third part of coitus--"Keeping the cap on"--What wifecan do to correct physical and psychical mismatching. 

Sex stimulation is right and wholesome--Instructions if normal sexrelations are impossible--Special information on sex stimulation forbrides and grooms--Valuable addition to sex knowledge. 

COITUS RESERVATUS

A mental and spiritual love embrace--Fulfillment ofcourting--Specially valuable during time when woman is not"free"--Value of sexual stimulation if not carried to excess. 

Frequency of coitus--Men who wear themselves out--Women who wear outtheir husbands--Mismatching in sexual temperament and desire--Howto correct it--Women who are anesthetic to sexual desire, and how toovercome it--Impotence in men. 

How late in life can coitus be practiced with benefit tohealth--Danger of withholding sex functioning--Sex organs able tofunction until late in life--Sexual desires in women after "change inlife"--Proof that Art of Love must be learned and that it can bringlifelong happiness. 

CLEANLINESS

Need for keeping body clean, sexual reaction--Parts of body womanshould be specially careful to keep clean--Portion of body man shouldbe specially careful to clean--Effect of mouth and armpit odors. 

PREGNANCY

Complete home with children supreme attainment of life--Begettingchildren should be deliberate choice by parents--Proper time forbegetting children--Danger of waiting too long to have children--Whenfirst child should be born--At what age of parents should children beborn. 

Is coitus wise during pregnancy--How the Art of Love provides forthis time--Passions of women during period of pregnancy--Criminal forhusband to compel coitus upon wife unless desired by her. 

CONCLUSION

Book written with purpose of helping lover on towards divineconsummation--Two final instructions--Become master of the Art ofLove--Learn science of Procreation. 

About married people who cannot have children--A guide tohappiness--Chief facts of true marriage. 

FOREWORD

_To Members of the Medical Profession into Whose Hands This Book MayCome_:

The following pages are more in the nature of a manuscript, orheart-to-heart talk between those who have mutual confidence in eachother, than of a technical, or strictly scientific treatise of thesubject in hand; and I cannot do better, for all parties concerned, than to explain, just here in the beginning, how this came about, and why I have concluded to leave the copy practically as it wasoriginally written. 

In common with nearly all members of our profession who are engagedin the general practice of medicine, I have had numbers of married menand women, husbands and wives, patients and otherwise, who have cometo me for counsel and advice regarding matters which pertain to theirsex-life, as that problem presented itself to them personally. As weall know, many of the most serious and complicated cases we have todeal with have their origins in these delicate relations which sooften exist among wedded people, of all classes and varieties. 

For a number of years I did what I could for these patrons of mine, byway of confidential talks and the like, my experience in this regardprobably being about on a par with that of my medical brethren who areengaged in the same kind of work. It is needless to say that I found, as you have doubtless found under the same conditions, many obstaclesto prevent satisfactory results, by this method of procedure. Mypatients were often so reticent, or timid and shame-faced, that it wasfrequently difficult to get at the real facts in their cases, and, aswe all know, many of these would, for these and other reasons, concealmore than they revealed, thereby keeping out of evidence the mostvital and significant items in their individual cases. All thesethings, of course, tended to make bad matters worse, or resulted innothing that was really worth while. 

After some years of this sort of experience, and meditating much onthe situation, I came to the conclusion that a very large percentageof all this trouble which I and my patrons had to go up against, wasalmost entirely the result of ignorance on the part of those who cameto consult me; and because knowledge is always the antidote for notknowing, I came to the conclusion that, if it were possible to "putthese people wise" where they were now so uninformed, I might atonce save them from a deal of harm and myself from much trouble andannoyance. 

Further than this, I remembered once hearing a wise man say that often"what cannot be said may be sung"; and I realized that it is equallytrue that much which would be awkward, or embarrassing, if said to aperson, face to face, might be got to them in writing with impunity. This I found to be especially true of my women patients, some of whommight become suspicious of a wrong intent from the things said in aprivate conversation, when they would have no such fears or doubtsif they read the same words from a printed page. It was theseconsiderations which first suggested to me the writing of thefollowing pages. 

Still other reasons why I did as I did were as follows: You see, at once, if you stop to think about it, that the writing out of theknowledge I proposed to impart was really a matter of necessity forme, because of the _saving of time_ which would thereby be secured. Toget any results that would be worth while in these matters, I would berequired to tell about ever so many things concerning which they weretotally ignorant; and to tell about ever so many things, by word ofmouth, to each individual patient, _takes time_--ever so much time, ifthe work is well done, and it had better not be done at all if it isnot well done. So I really was forced to write out what I wanted toteach these patients of mine. 

And let me say further that I was compelled to write these things outfor my people as I have written them, because, in all the range ofliterature on this vital subject, I knew of nothing which would tellthem just what it seemed to me they ought to be told, and what theyought to know. 

And so it was that I wrote the manuscript which is now printed in thefollowing pages. I did not write it at first just as it now stands, because experience showed me, from time to time, where my firstefforts could be modified and improved. So what is here presented isthe result of many practical demonstrations of the real working valueof what the manuscript contains. 

My method of using the copy has been something as follows: As I havealready suggested, what I have written has been prepared for the soleand express purpose of helping husbands and wives to live sane andwholesome sex-lives--to give them the requisite knowledge for sodoing; knowledge of themselves and of each other as sexual beings; thecorrect ideas regarding such right manner of living; to disabuse theirminds of wrong sex-teaching, or no teaching at all, of ignorance, or prudery, or carelessness, or lust--in a word, to get to them thethings that all sane married people ought to know, and to help them topractice these things, to the best of their several abilities. 

(Perhaps I ought to say that there is not a line of what I havewritten that deals with the subject of venereal diseases, any ofthem. This field is already so well covered by a literature especiallydevoted to this subject that it needs no word of mine to make it assatisfactory as possible, as far as discoveries regarding the samehave progressed. My attempt is toward making marriage more of asuccess than it now is, under existing conditions; and we all knowthat there is a limitless field for exploration and exploitation rightthere. )

Speaking somewhat generally, I have found what I have written to beof special value to two classes of my patrons: First, to the"newly-weds"; and, second, to those who have been married for a longeror shorter period, and who "have not got on well together. " A word ortwo regarding each of these:

It is a wise old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth a poundof cure, " and in no other experience of life is this so true as inthe ills to which married people are peculiarly subject. Many a newlywedded couple have wrecked the possibilities of happiness of a lifetime on their "honeymoon trip"; and it is a matter of common knowledgeto the members of our profession that the great majority of brides arepractically raped on their entrance into the married relation. Furtherthan this, we all know that these things are as they are chieflybecause of the ignorance of the parties concerned, rather than becausethey deliberately meant to do wrong. They were left to travel, aloneand unguided, over what was to them an unknown way, one that wasbeset with pitfalls and precipices, and where dangers lurked in everyforward step they took. It is to these that I have found what I havewritten to be a great help at the time of their utmost need; and thethanks I have received from such parties have been beyond the power ofwords to express. 

As to just when it is best to put this information into the hands ofyoung married people, my experience has varied with the personalityof the parties concerned. In some cases I have put the copy into theirhands some time before their marriage; in others, not till some timethereafter; but, as a rule, I have got the best results by putting themanuscript into their hands just at the time of their marriage, and inmost of these cases the greatest success has come from their readingit together during their honeymoon. However, this is a matter on whichI do not care to advise, and regarding which each practitioner mustact to the best of his own judgment. 

Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married peopleare already possessed of the _details_ of the essential knowledgewhich they ought to possess, and because such _details_ are the _veryheart_ of the whole matter, I have made these details as simpleand explicit as possible, more so than might seem necessary to theprofessional reader. But my experience has proven that I was wise inthis regard, as these very details have saved the day in more than onecase, as the parties who have reported to me, after having read whatI have written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride andgroom would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a singlereading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for sometime, and to read it again and again, especially some parts of it, till they were well posted on all that it contains. I found, too, thatthose who had received help from the reading of the manuscriptwere glad to tell others of their friends of the benefits they hadreceived, and that thus there was a constantly widening circle. 

Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading thisbook with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of them are, and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your own good senseand experience will determine who these latter are, and these you canfavor as they deserve. It is because of this situation that this bookcan only be used professionally that it needs the guiding hand ofan expert physician to insure its reaching only those who can bebenefited by its reading. 

As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on wellin the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of these islegion) my experience in getting to them what I have written has beenquite varied; but, on the whole, the results have been good--manytimes they have been most excellent. Of course, it is harder tocorrect errors than to prevent them; but as most of the errors I havehad to deal with among this class of patients have been made throughignorance rather than otherwise, I have found that the establishmentof knowledge in the premises has generally brought relief where beforewas only suffering and woe. 

Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the greatest valuewith these cases of unsatisfactory marital relations is the fact that, often, by the parties _reading the copy together_ they have come toa mutual understanding by so doing, and have established a _modusvivendi_ which could not have been attained in any other way. Whensuch parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a prejudicedview is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if ever, cometogether to consult a physician regarding their troubles. But the_reading of the book together_ makes a condition of affairs which isvery apt to work out for the best interests of all parties concerned. Certainly, this is true, that in no case has the reading of the bookmade bad matters worse, and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all ofthem) it has been of untold value and benefit to the readers. 

And because these things are so, because what I have written hasproved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded to givethe copy a larger field in which it may be used by other members ofthe profession besides myself. I confide it to my fellow-members inthe profession feeling sure that they will use it among their patientswith wisdom and discretion; and my hope is that their so doing mayyield for them and theirs the most excellent results which have cometo me and mine, on these lines, in the years that have gone by. 

Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of thebook, the large percentage of italics, and not a few capitalized wordsthat appear in the pages, comes from a duplication of the copy I haveused with my patients. I wrote the original copy in this way for thesake of giving special emphasis to special points for my readers, and the results attained I believe were very largely due to thetypographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in thisway, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus presented tothe eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is to establish aheart-to-heart relation between the author and the reader which couldnot be attained in any other way. 

All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical words, neverusing such a term without explaining its meaning in plain Englishin the words that immediately follow it. I found this an absolutenecessity in writing so that the lay reader could understand, insaying things that would produce results. 

I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject matterof the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely to get myreaders into a proper _mental attitude_ for a reasonable recognitionand understanding of what follows it. There are so many wrongteachings and biased ideas in the premises that these had to becounteracted or removed, to a degree, at least, before the rest of thecopy could be rightly read. My experience is, that the preface, as itstands, has been the means of putting the readers of the book into aright mental attitude for its successful study and consideration. Forthe good of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to thosewho need help in the most sacred and significant affairs of theirlives, may the book go on its way, if not rejoicing in itself, yetcausing rejoicing in the lives and hearts of all who read what itspages contain. 

H. W. L. 

SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING

I

AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION

A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to reconcile sexwith the purity of Providence. " He never could understand why Godarranged for sex anyway. Why something else might not have been done. Why children might not have come in some other fashion. 

Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of historythat was not done for money was done for sex. And even the deviltrythat was done and is done for money had, and has sex back of it. Takesex out of man and you have something worth while. God must have beenshort of expedients when God, in sex, conceived sex. It certainlylooks as if the Divine fell down this time. As if infinity was atthe end of its tether. As if the adept creator for once was caughtnapping, or for once botched a job. 

So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had theascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some places. Toolittle sex other places. Some people swearing on and some swearingoff. The prostitute giving away that which was meant to be kept. The virgin keeping that which was meant to be given away. A forcecontending with a force. Drawing in opposite directions when theyshould be pulling together. Through it all, motherhood misunderstood. And fatherhood misunderstood. The body cheapened to the soul. And thesoul cheapened to the body. Every child being a slap in the face ofvirtue. 

Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to? Thisphilosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing surrender?

The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in the ageof hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are not to givesex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance. They are alwaysasking questions. But we don't answer their questions. The churchdon't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the schools. Not even mothersand fathers. Nobody who could answer answers them. But they don't gounanswered. They get answered. And they get answered wrong insteadof right. They get answered, smutched instead of washed. They getanswered blasphemously instead of reverently. They get answered sothat the body is suspected instead of being trusted. 

A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl who knowsnothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing nothing comes. Menwho have been such boys know nothing. Women who have been such girlsknow nothing. From nothing nothing comes. They have become familiarwith sex circumstances. They are parents. They have done the bestthey knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized itsfundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They werelost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took sex asthey took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush. They had gotpast the ascetics. But they had not got to be men and women. Theydidn't refuse sex. But though embracing its privileges, they stillseemed to regard it as something not to be gloried in. The leastsaid about it the soonest mended. Mothers and fathers would say tochildren: "You'll know about it soon enough. " Teachers would say:"Ask your questions at home. " Home would say: "What ever started youthinking about such things?"

The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex thateverybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with my bodythat I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful to me. I liketo look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell it. But I'm alwayshurried into my clothes. My body is so mysteriously precious I musttake care of it. But how am I to take care of it if I don't getacquainted with it?

I find that having a body has something to do with being a father anda mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a mother. But how canI be a father or mother if some one who knows doesn't tell me whatprecedes fatherhood and motherhood? I should prepare for it. How canI if all the books are closed? How can I if I am blanked every time Iexpress my curiosity? Is there no one anywhere who'll be honest withme?

If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like somethingwhich God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like something notpolluted, but purified. Like something having everything, instead ofonly an occasional thing, to do with life. But the world shakes itshead. The world is nasty. But it puts on airs. The world has eaten. But the world says it's best to starve. Folks will say they've got tobe parents. But they say they will regret it. They say sex is here. They say we're up against its mandates or its passions. But let'sbe as decent as we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on itsmargins. Let's not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Whowould eat if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. Tosay that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternaldesires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a sin. 

Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an ascent. That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion. You neversuppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid to assumeheaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract from my anatomy. I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my soul. I must withdrawmy body from the public eye. From discussion. From its instinctiveavowals. Our bodies must be coffined. Treated as dead before they areborn. Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body isonly for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that littlewhile not as holy as forever? They don't say. They cavalierly settlethe case of the body against itself. 

So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the anomaloussituation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex into the worseit seems. _Someone's got to peach. _ Someone's got to tell the truth. In a world of liars who are hushers? In a world of hushers who areliars? _Someone's got to tell the truth. _ Someone's got to give sexits due. _You can't give spirit its due until you give sex its due. _You can't accept one and cast aside one. They go together. They areinseparable. 

You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops and theother commences. Maybe neither stops and neither commences. Maybe theyare not two things but two names. Maybe when you put a body into agrave you put a soul there too. And maybe you put neither there. It'snot so easy to say. 

I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more marvelousthan what you call the physical birth of a baby from a mother. Maybeyou know all about it. I don't. I know nothing about it. To me it'smysterious. To me it's the supreme demonstration of the spiritual. 

How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept clean. It starts clean. Why do we corrupt it? You who disparage it corruptit. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous roues anywhere. You corruptit. By your excesses. You who never say yes. You who never say no. Youcorrupt it. 

You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to you. What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly closed thequestion. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God by silence. Iwould praise God by speech. 

II

THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION

No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages, buta brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear, from theoutset, the reasons why it has been written. 

It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race thatthe knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to thegenerations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in thebetterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends canmake a steady and reliable advance. 

Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the vegetableor animal kingdom, where _instinct_ is the only means for thetransmission of acquired knowledge. It is this feature thatdifferentiates man from all other created beings. 

But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences, in allChristian civilized countries, it has been considered wrong, even insome cases being counted a criminal offense, punishable by fine andimprisonment, for anyone to make any record of, or transmit toanyone else, any knowledge that may have been acquired regarding sexrelations in the human family. 

To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a bodyof _professional_ knowledge of this sort, made and prepared byphysicians, but _confined strictly to that class of people_. Noattempt has been made to disseminate such knowledge among those whomost need it--the common people. On the contrary, every possibleeffort is put forth to keep such knowledge from them. This is whollyat variance with the practice regarding all other forms of humanknowledge, which is to spread, as widely as possible, all known datathat have so far been obtained. 

There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the reasonsfor this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief cause of itsstatus, past and present, is grounded on two sources: The first ofthese is a brutal selfishness which has come over to modern times froma savage past; the second is a sort of pious prudery. 

The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject of sexin the human family, with its functions and mission in human affairs, together with its proper training, discipline and exercise--to makeall these things _tabu_, something to be ashamed of and ignoredas much as possible, and all the knowledge regarding them that onegeneration has been permitted to transmit to those who come after, maybe summed up in these words, namely "_Thou shalt not_. "

Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things, _all_this is just as bad as it can possibly be. For, of all phenomena withwhich the human race has to do, that of the highest importance, so faras the well-being of the race is concerned, is that which has to dowith sex in men and women. A large percentage of all the physicalailments in mankind and womenkind arise from errors in sexual life, and these are but trifles compared with the mental and spiritualdisasters which come upon humanity from the same source. It isprobably true that more than one-half of all the crimes that arecommitted in the civilized world are more or less directly connectedwith sex affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity assex aberrations. 

And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise because of_ignorance_ in the matter of sex in which the rank and file of therace are forced to live. Few of these ever acquire any positive anddefinite knowledge in the premises, and if they do learn anythingfor sure, _they keep it to themselves_, inspired to do so by a falsebelief regarding the rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, bya false modesty, or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone elsewhat they have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters. And so the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairsin life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of theirpredecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go by. Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die everygeneration, and other millions suffer the tortures of the damned whilethey live, when they should enjoy the delights of the elect, and woulddo so if they only knew the actual facts in the case, and would act inaccordance with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs. 

But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will slowlycome a change in these conditions. The fact is that the intelligentworld is beginning to emerge from a condition of conformity to thesay-so of some one supposed to speak with authority, and to come intoa realm of obedience only to a law that has a scientific basis ofactual knowledge for its foundation. 

For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have beendirected and determined by the clergy and by _their_ teachings andpronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right. There is no need ofsaying hard things about such a fact; nevertheless, it is true that, for the most part, all the dicta of these men have originated amongstthose who knew nothing of the _scientific_ conditions regarding thesubject on which they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead theblind, and the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowingwith the dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause, have fallen therein. 

This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that theessential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling blockand a rock of offense for the children of men. We are coming to seethat sex is no more unclean and to be denied a scientific knowledgeof, than any other part of the human body--the eye, the ear orwhatsoever. Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamorfor a knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown bythe frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the bestnewspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similardiscussions in the literature, the works and scientific books that nowgo into the hands of the common people. It also shows in the attemptsthat are occasionally being made to introduce the subject of sexualhygiene into our public schools and other educational institutions. "The world do move!"

It is for these reasons--because it is right to transfer to you and tothose who come after, the sex knowledge that has been acquired by theauthor, by reading scientific and professional literature upon thesubject, by conference with men and women who know, and by personaland professional experience, that what follows is written. 

III

THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE

So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in hand. Itis more the especial purpose of what follows, however, to treat of thematter of marriage in particular, _to say something definite to younghusbands and wives that shall be of real benefit to them_, not only byway of starting them out right in the new and untried way upon whichthey have entered, but to help them to make that way a realmof perpetual and ever increasing joy to both parties concerned, throughout its entire course, their whole lives long. 

Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride and groom, before they engage in sexual commerce with each other, to acquaintthemselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology of the sexorgans of human beings, both male and female, and to make theacquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and matter-of-factan affair as though they were studying the nature, construction andfunctions of the stomach, or the digestive processes entire, or thenature and use of any of the other bodily organs. "Clear and clean amI within and without; clear and clean is every scrap and part of me, and no part shall be held more sacred or preferred above another. Fordivine am I, and all I am, or contain. "

Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would pursue astudy of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that they havebeen taught, time out of mind, that to do this is immodest, not tosay indecent or positively wicked. They have longed to be possessedof such knowledge, all their lives; in most cases more than any otherform of wisdom that it was possible for them to make their own. Butits acquirement has been placed beyond their possible reach, and itis only by the most clandestine and often nasty means that they haveattained what little they know. But the quotation made in the lastparagraph, sounds the key note of what is _right_ in this matter, and the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be toestablish in himself or herself the _condition of mind which theselines embody. _

And it had better be said, right here, that for most young people thiswill be found to be no _easy_ thing to do. Nor should the reader feelashamed or chagrined, or at odds with himself or herself if he or shefinds such condition of affairs existing in his or her case. For itis nothing for which they are to blame. It is a misfortune and nota fault. It is only the result of inherited and inculcated (the wordinculcated means _kicked in_) ideas to which all "well bred" youthshave been subjected for centuries; the idea being that the closer theywere kept in the realm of innocence, which is only another name forignorance, the better "bred" they are. And to pry one's self loose, tobreak or tear one's self away from such a mental view and conditionas heredity and such years of rigorous restraint have developed, is nosmall task. Indeed, it often takes months, and sometimes years, whollyto rid one's self of these deep seated and powerful, wrong views andprejudices. 

Remember this: that _to the pure all things are pure. _ But do notmake the mistake of thinking that this much abused sentence means thatpurity means _emptiness_! It does no such thing. On the contrary, it means _fullness_, to _perfection_. It means that one should bepossessed of the right kind of stuff, and that the stuff should be ofsupreme quality. So, in studying to obtain a knowledge of sex organsand sex functions, in the human family, the reader should not try todivest himself or herself of all sex-passion and desire; but, on thecontrary, to make these of a sort of which he or she can be _proud_, rather than _ashamed_ of, rejoice in, rather than suffer from. 

So, then, let the reader of these lines, first, get a correct _mentalattitude_ toward what is about to be said. Banish all prurientcuriosity, put aside all thought of shame or shock, (these two willbe hardest for young women to overcome, because of their training infalse modesty and prudishness) and endeavor to approach the subject ina reverent, open-eyed, conscientious spirit, as one who wishes, aboveeverything else, to know the honest truth in these most essentialmatters that pertain to human life. Get into this frame of mind, and_keep in it_, and what is here written will be read with both pleasureand profit. 

Once more, for we must make haste slowly in these delicate affairs, ifthe reader should find himself or herself unduly excited, or perhapsshocked, while reading some parts of what is here written, so that theheart beats too fast, or the hand trembles, it may be well to suspendthe reading for a time, divert the mind into other channels for awhile, and resume the reading after one has regained poise and masteryof one's self. That is, "_keep your head_" while you read theselessons, and you will be all right. 

IV

THE SEX ORGANS

And now, having given these cautionary directions, the way is clearfor the making of definite statements and the giving of positiveinstruction. 

Here, then, is a brief description of the sex organs in man and woman. At first, only the names of the parts will be given, with such slightcomments and explanations as are necessary for making this part of thesubject clear. A detailed setting forth of the functions and properexercise of these organs will be given later. 

The sex organs in a male human being consists, broadly speaking, ofthe penis and the testicles. All these are located at the base of theabdomen, between the thighs and on the forward part of the body. Thepenis is a fleshy, muscular organ, filled with most sensitive nerves, and blood vessels that are capable of extension to a much greaterdegree than any of their similars in other parts of the body. In aquiescent, or unexcited condition, in the average man, this organ isfrom three to four inches long and about an inch or more in diameter. It hangs limp and pendent in this state, retired and in evidence notat all. In its excited, or tumescent condition (the word tumescentmeans swelled, and is the technical word for describing the erectcondition of the penis) it becomes enlarged and rigid, its size inthis state being, on an average, six or seven inches long, and froman inch-and-a-half to two inches in diameter. It is almost perfectlycylindrical, slightly thicker at the base than at its forward part. 

The testicles are two kidney shaped glands, not far from the size ofa large hickory nut, and are contained in a sort of sack, or pocket, called the scrotum, which is made for their comfortable and safecarrying. The scrotum hangs directly between the thighs, at the baseof the penis, and in it are the testicles, suspended by vital cordsthat are suspended from the body above. The left testicle hangs alittle higher in the sack than the right, so that, in case the thighsare crowded together, one testicle will slip over the other, and sothe danger of crushing them will be avoided. This is one of the manyways which the Maker of the human body has devised to insure theproper preservation of the vital organs from harm, a fact whichshould inspire all human beings with profound reverence for this mostwonderful of all life forms, the beautiful human body, the "temple ofthe Holy Spirit. "

The part of the body upon which the sex organs, male and female, arelocated is known as the pubic region. It is covered with hair, which, in both sexes, extends well up the lower belly. This is known as pubichair, and in general corresponds in quality and quantity to the hairupon the individual head, being coarse or fine, soft or bristly, tomatch, the head covering, in each case. This hair is usually more orless curly, and forms a covering an inch or more in depth over thewhole pubic region, extending back between the thighs slightly beyondthe rectum. In occasional cases this hair is straight and silky, andsometimes grows to great length, instances being known, in some women, where it has extended to the knees. A well-grown and abundant supplyof fine pubic hair is a possession highly prized by women, of whichthey are justly proud, though few of them would acknowledge the fact, even to themselves. None the less it is a fact. 

The female sex organs, speaking generally also, are as follows: Thevulva, or outward portion of the parts; the vaginal passage; theuterus, or womb, and the ovaries. All but the first named lie withinthe body of the woman. The vulva is made up of several parts whichwill be named and described later. The vaginal passage is a tube, orcanal leading from the vulva to the womb. In length and diameter itcorresponds almost exactly with that of the penis, being six or seveninches in depth, and capable of a lateral extension which willreadily admit the entrance of the male organ when the two are broughttogether. The vaginal passage opens into, and terminates in theuterine, or womb cavity. 

The womb is a pear shaped sack which is suspended in the womb cavityby cords and muscles from above. It hangs, neck downwards, and is, inits unimpregnated condition, about two and a half inches in diameterat its upper, or widest part, tapering to a thin neck at its lowerend. It is hard and muscular in its quiescent state, filled withdelicate and most sensitive nerves and capacious blood vessels. At itslower, or neck end, it opens directly into the vaginal passage. 

The ovaries are two in number, and are situated on each side of, andabove the womb, in the region of the upper groins. They are small, fanshaped glands, and are connected with the uterus by small ducts whichare known as the fallopian tubes. 

As already stated, the exterior parts of the body, in which the femalesex organs are located, are covered with hair for their adornment andprotection. 

Such in brief, are the male and female sex organs in human beings. Afurther description of them and their functions and proper use we arenow ready to consider. 

V

THE FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS

It hardly need be stated here, for it is a matter of common knowledge, that the _primary_ purpose of sex in the human family is thereproduction of the race. In this respect, considered merely on itsmaterial, or animal side, mankind differs little from all other formsof animate life. As Whitman says, we see "everywhere sex, everywherethe urge of procreation. " The flowers are possessed of this quality, and with them all vegetable forms. In the animal kingdom the same istrue. Always "male and female" is everything created. 

And the chief facts in reproduction are practically the same whereverthe phenomena occur. Here, as everywhere else in the world, when anew life-form appears, it is always the result of the union of _two_forces, elements, germs or whatsoever. These two elements differin nature and in function, and each is incomplete and worthless byitself. It is only by the combining of the two that any new resultis obtained. It is this fact that has led to the most suggestive andbeautiful phrase "The duality of all unity in nature. "

Many centuries ago an old Latin philosopher wrote the now celebratedphrase, _Omne ex ovo_, which, translated, means _everything is from anegg_. This is practically true of all life-forms. Their beginningis always from an ovum, or egg. In this respect, the reproduction ofhuman beings is the same as that of any other life-form. 

Now in this process of producing a new life-form, the female is alwaysthe source of the egg, out of which the new creation is to come. Thisegg, however, is infertile of itself, and must be given life to, bymingling with its germ, an element which only the male can produceand supply. This element is technically known as a sperm, or aspermatozoa. Its function is to fertilize the dormant germ in theegg produced by the female, and thus to start a new and independentlife-form. This life-form, thus started, grows according to the lawsof its becoming more and more, until, at the expiration of a fixedperiod, which varies greatly in different animals, it becomes acomplete young individual, of the nature and kind of its parents. The fertilization of the ovum in the female is called conception;its growing state is called gestation, and its birth, on becoming aseparate being, is called parturition. In its growing condition, andbefore its birth, the new young life form is known as the foetus. 

Now it is the fertilization of the ovum in the female (and from nowon, it is only of the male and female in the human family that mentionwill be made) by the male, in the woman, by the man, that is ofsupreme interest and importance to both the parties concerned inproducing this result. How this is brought about is substantially asfollows:

As already stated, the infertile ovum, or egg, is produced by thewoman. Such production begins at what is known as the age of puberty, or when the hair begins to grow upon the pubic parts of the femalebody. The time of the appearance of this phenomenon in feminine lifevaries from the age of nine or ten years to fifteen or sixteen. Theaverage, for most girls, is fourteen years of age. At this timethe formation of ova, or eggs, in the female body begins, and itcontinues, in most women, at regular intervals of once in twenty-eightdays, except during pregnancy and lactation, for a period of aboutthirty years. During all this time, under favorable conditions, it ispossible for the ovum produced by the woman to become fertilized, ifit can meet the sperm of the male. 

In a general way, this meeting of the infertile ovum of the woman withthe sperm of the man can be brought about, as follows:

The ova are produced by the ovaries (the word ovaries means eggproducers) where they slowly develop from cells which originatein these glands. When they have reached maturity, or are ready forfertilization, they pass out of the ovaries and down into the womb, byway of the fallopian tubes. As already stated, such passage of the ovafrom the ovaries into the womb occurs every twenty-eight days, andit is accomplished by a more or less copious flow of blood, a sort ofhemorrhage, which carries the ova down through the fallopian tubes, and deposits them in the womb. This blood, after performing itsmission of carrying the ova down into the womb, escapes from thebody through the vaginal passage and is cared for by the wearing ofa bandage between the thighs. This flow of blood continues for aboutfive days, and is known as a menstrual flow; and this time in awoman's life is known as the menstrual period. It is so named becauseof the regularity of its recurrence, the word _mensa_ meaning a_month_. In common parlance, these periods are often spoke of as the"monthlies. "

After the ovum has reached the womb it remains there for a period ofabout ten days, after which, if it is not fertilized during that time, it passes out of the womb into the vaginal passage, and so out of thebody. But if, at any time after it is ripe for fertilization, that is, from the time it begins its journey from the ovaries to the womb, and while it is in the womb, the ovum is met by the male sperm, it is_liable_ to become fertilized--conception is possible. These are factsof the _utmost importance_, to be thoroughly understood and kept wellin mind by all married people who would live happily together, as willbe hereafter shown. 

So much regarding the female part of the meeting of the ovum and thesperm. The male part of this mutual act is as follows:

The sperm, or spermatozoa, originate in the testicles. Each sperm isan individual entity and _several thousands_ of them are producedand in readiness for use, _at each meeting_ of the male and femalegenerative organs; and if _any one_ of the countless number comes incontact with the unfertilized ovum in the womb, conception is _liable_to result. 

These sperms are so small that they are not visible to the naked eye, but they are readily seen by the use of a microscope. In shape theymuch resemble tad-poles in their earliest stages. 

At the base of the penis, well up in the man's body, there is a largegland which surrounds the penis like a thick ring, and which is calledthe prostate gland. It secretes a mucous fluid which looks much like, and is about the consistency of the white of an egg. Close to thisgland, and almost a part of it, is a sack, or pocket, into which themucous secretion from the prostate gland is poured, and where it iskept, ready for use, in performing its part of the germinal act. 

Now it is the business of this mucous fluid, which comes from theprostate gland, to form a "carrying medium" for the spermatozoa whichoriginate in the testicles. There are small ducts leading from thetesticles into the pocket which contains the prostate fluid. These areknown as the seminal ducts, and through them the spermatozoa passfrom the testicles into the prostate pocket. Here they mingle with theprostate fluid, in which they can move about freely, and by means ofwhich they can be carried wherever this fluid goes. The combination ofprostate fluid and spermatozoa is called "semen. "

Seen under a microscope, a single drop of semen reveals a multitude ofspermatozoa swimming about in the prostate-carrying medium. It is inthis form that the vitalizing male element meets the female infertileovum. This mass of live and moving germs is poured all around andabout the region in which the ovum lies waiting to be fertilized, andevery one of them seems to be "rushing about like mad" to find what itis sent to do, namely, to meet and fertilize the ovum. The manner ofdepositing the semen where it can come in contact with the ovum is asfollows:

In order that this mingling of the male and female sources of life maybe possible, it is necessary that there be a union of the male and thefemale generative organs. For such meeting, the penis is filled withblood, all its blood vessels being distended to their utmost capacity, till the organ becomes stout and hard, and several times its dormantsize, as has been already told. In this condition it is able topenetrate, to its utmost depths, the vaginal passage of the female, which is of a nature to perfectly contain the male organ in thisenlarged and rigid condition. Under such conditions, the penisis inserted into the widened and distended vaginal passage. Oncetogether, a mutual back and forth, or partly in and out movement, ofthe organs is begun and carried on by the man and woman, which actionfurther enlarges the parts and raises them to a still higher degreeof tension and excitement. It is supposed by some that this frictionalmovement of the parts develops an electrical current, which increasesin tension as the act is continued; and that it is the mission of thepubic hair, which is a non-conductor, to confine these currents to theparts in contact. 

Now there are two other glands in these organs; one in the male andone in the female, which performs a most wonderful function in thispart of the sexual act. These are the "glans penis" in the male andthe "clitoris" in the female. The first is located at the apex of themale organ, and the other at the upper-middle and exterior part of thevulva. These glands are covered with a most delicate cuticle, andare filled with highly sensitive nerves. As the act progresses, theseglands become more and more sensitized, and nervously surcharged, until, as a climax, they finally cause a sort of nervous explosion ofthe organs involved. This climax is called an "orgasm" in scientificlanguage. Among most men and women it is spoken of as "spending. "

On the part of the man, this orgasm causes the semen, which till thisinstant has remained in the prostate pocket, to be suddenly drivenout of this place of deposit, and thrown in jets, and with spasmodicforce, through the entire length of the penis, and, as it were, shotinto the vaginal passage and the uterine cavity, till the whole regionis literally deluged with the life-giving fluid. At the same time, the mouth of the womb opens wide; and into it pours, or rushes, this"father stuff, " entirely surrounding and flooding the ovum, if it bein the womb. This is the climax of the sexual act, which is called"coitus, " a word which means, going together. 

With the myriads of spermatozoa swarming about it, if the vital partof the ovum comes in contact with some one of them, any one of which, brought into such contact, will fertilize it, conception results. Thewoman is then pregnant, and the period of gestation is begun. 

This is a brief description of the act of coitus and of the means bywhich pregnancy takes place. It is, however, only a small part of thestory of the sex relations of husbands and wives; and, be it said, a_very_ small part of that, as will now be shown. 

As has already been said, this use of the sex organs, merely toproduce progeny, and so insure a continuance of the race, is a qualitythat mankind shares with all the rest of the animal kingdom. In allessentials, so far as the material parts of the act are concerned, thebeginnings of the new life in the human family differ not a whit fromthat of any other mammals. In each case the ovum is produced by theovaries of the female, passes into the womb, is there met by the semenfrom the male, fertilized by the spermatozoa, and so the foetus getsits start. This is the universal means by which the beginnings of allanimal reproductive life takes place. 

But there is another phase in the sex life of human beings, which is_entirely different_ from that of all other animals, and which musttherefore be considered beyond all that needs to be said regarding theact of coitus for reproductive purposes only. This we are now ready toconsider and study. 

Now in all animals, except human beings, the act of coitus is onlypermitted by the female, (it would seem is only _possible_ for her)when the ovum is present in the womb and ready to be fertilized. _Atall other times, all female animals, except woman, are practicallysexless_. Their sexual organs are dormant, and _nothing can arousethem_ to activity. Not only do they fail to show any desire forcoitus, but if an attempt should be made to force it upon them, _theywould resist it_ to the utmost of their strength. 

But when the ovum is present in the womb, these same female animalsare beside themselves with desire for coitus. They are then spoken ofas "in heat. " And until they are satisfied, by meeting the male andprocuring from him the vitalizing fluid which will fertilize theirinfertile ovum; or, failing in this, until the ovum passes away fromthem, out of the womb, they know no rest. At such times they willrun all risks, incur all sorts of danger, do every possible thing tosecure pregnancy. The thousand-and-one ways which female animals useto make known to their male mates their sexual desire and needs, whenin heat, is a most interesting and wonderful story, a record made upof facts which would be well worth any student's knowing. But as allsuch knowledge can readily be procured from books which are within thereach of all, there is no need of noting the data here. 

But now, _in woman, all these things are different!_ As a matter offact, the presence of the ovum in the womb of a normally made woman_makes little, and, in many cases, no difference whatever_ as regardsher status concerning the act of coitus! That is, women are never"in heat, " in the same sense in which other female animals are. To besure, in some cases, though they are rare, some women are consciousof a greater desire for coitus just after the ceasing of the menstrualflow; that is, when the ovum is in the womb. But such cases are soinfrequent that they may well be counted atavistic, that is, of thenature of a tendency to return to a previous merely animal condition. For the most part, it is true of all normal women that the presence ofthe ovum in the womb makes little difference, one way or another, inregard to their desire for, or aversion to, the act of coitus. 

Now the fact of this remarkable difference in the sex-status of womenand the same quality in all other female animals leads us to a greatnumber of interesting, not to say startling, conclusions, some ofwhich are as follows:

In the first place, the phenomenon clearly establishes the fact thatsex in the female human being _differs, pronouncedly_, from that ofall other female life. For, whereas, among all females except woman, coitus is _impossible_, except at certain times and seasons, amongwomen the act can not only be permitted, but is as much possible or_desired_ at one time as any other, regardless of the presence orabsence of the ovum in the womb. That is (and this point should benoted well by the reader) there is a _possibility_, on the part ofthe female humanity, for coitus, _under conditions that do not at allobtain in any other female animal life_. 

This is a conclusion which is of such far-reaching importance that itslimits are but dimly recognized, even in the clear thinking of mostmarried people. The fact of such difference is known to them, andtheir practices in living conform to the conditions; but what it allmeans, they are entirely ignorant of, _and they never stop to thinkabout it_. 

And yet, _right here is the very center and core of the real successor failure of married life_! Around this fact are grouped all thetroubles that come to husbands and wives. About it are gathered allthe joys and unspeakable delights of the happily married--the onlytruly married. It is these items which make a knowledge of the realconditions which exist, regarding this part of married life, of suchsupreme importance. If these conditions could be rightly understood, and the actions of husbands and wives could be brought to conform tothe laws which obtain under them, _the divorce courts would go out ofbusiness_, their occupation, like Othello's, would be "gone indeed. "

The first conclusion, then, one that is forced upon the thoughtfulmind by the fact of this difference in the sex possibilities of womenand other female animals, is, as already stated, but which is hererepeated for emphasis, that coitus _can_ be engaged in _by women_ when_pregnancy_ is _not_ its purpose, on her part; and that _this neveroccurs in any other form of female life!_

In view of this fact, is it too much to raise the question whether ornot sex in woman is designed to fulfill any other purpose than that ofthe reproduction of the race? True it is, that the _only_ functionof sex in all other females is merely that of producing offspring--ofperpetuating its kind. Under no circumstances does it _ever_ serve_any_ other end, fulfill any other design. _There is no possibility ofits doing so_!

But one can help wondering if it is not true that, with the existenceof the _possibility_ of engaging in coitus _at will_, rather thanat the bidding of _instinct_ alone, there has also come a _new_ and_added_ function for the sex-natures that are capable of engagingin such before-unknown experiences? To a fair-minded person, suchconclusion seems not only logical, but irresistible! That is in viewof this conclusion, it naturally follows that sex in the human familyis _positively designed to fulfill a function that is entirely unknownto all other forms of animal life_. And from this, it is but a step tothe establishment of the fact that _sex exercise in the human familyserves a purpose other than that of reproduction_!

Now, this fact established, a whole world of new issues arises anddemands settlement. Among these, comes the supreme question: _What isthe nature of this new experience that has been conferred upon humanbeings, over and above what is vouchsafed to any other form of animallife? What purpose can it serve? How can it be properly exercised?What is right and what is wrong under these new possibilities_? Theseare some of the issues that _force_ themselves upon all thoughtfulpeople, _those who wish to do right under any and all circumstances inwhich they are placed_. 

Of course, here as elsewhere, the unthinking, the happy-go-lucky andthe "don't-give-a-damn, " can blunder along in almost any-old-way. But they can, and will, reap only the reward which always followsblundering and ignorance. In these days of scientific clear-thinking, we have come to understand that _salvation from sin comes by the wayof positive knowledge and not at the hands of either ignoranceor innocence_! If husbands and wives ever attain to the highestconditions of married life, it can only be after they _know andpractice, what is right in all their sex relations, both forreproductive purposes and in all other respects! Note that well_!

As things are now, especially in all civilized countries, andparticularly among Christian people, this _secondary_ function of sexin the human family, while blindly recognized as a fact, is none theless abused, to a most shameful degree. For ages, the whole situationhas been left in a condition of most deplorable, not to say damnable, ignorance; and no honest endeavor has been made to find out and actup to the truth in the premises. Husbands and wives have engaged incoitus _ad libitum_, utterly regardless of whether it was rightor wrong for them to do so! They have taken it for granted that_marriage_ conferred on them the _right_ to have sexual intercoursewhenever they chose, (especially when the man chose, ) and they haveacted accordingly. This is especially true of men, and the practicehas been carried to such length that the right of a man to engage incoitus with his wife _has been established by law_, and the wife whorefuses to yield this "right" to her husband can be divorced by him, if she persists in such way of living! It is such a fact as this whichcaused Mr. Bernard Shaw to write: "Marriage is the most licentiousinstitution in all the world. " And he might rightfully have added "itis also the most brutal, " though it is an insult to the brute to sayit that way, for brutes are never guilty of _coitus under compulsion. But a husband can force his wife to submit to his sexual embraces, andshe has no legal right to say him nay!_ This doesn't seem quite right, does it?

Now there are several different ways of viewing this new and addedsexual possibility in the human family, namely, the act of coitus forother than reproductive purposes. The Catholic church has _always_counted it as a sin. Popes have issued edicts regarding it, andconclaves of Bishops have discussed it and passed resolutionsregarding it. There has always been a difference of opinion upon thesubject amongst these dignitaries and authorities, but they allagree in one respect, namely, that it is a _sin_. The only point ofdifference has been as to the extent or enormity of the sin! By someit has been reckoned as a "deadly sin, " punishable by eternal hellfire, if not duly absolved before death; by others it has been heldto be only a "venial sin, " one that must always be confessed to thepriest when coitus is engaged in, and which can be pardoned by thepractice of due penance. _But, always, it was a sin_!

The Protestant church has never issued edicts regarding this matter, but, for the most part, it has tacitly held to the Catholic teachingin _theory_, while universally _practicing_ the reverse, in actualmarried life. Protestants have looked upon it as a necessity, but havetaught that it was _regrettable_ that such was the case. They haveheld, with Paul, that, "it is better to marry than to burn. " And mostof them have chosen the marriage horn of the dilemma. 

Among some European nations, attempts have been made to make itimpossible for husbands and wives to cohabit except for reproductivepurposes. In one of these nations, padlocks were used for preventingthe act. A slit was made through the foreskin of the penis, andthrough this slit the ring of a padlock was passed, much as anear-ring is passed through the lobe of a lady's ear. The padlockwas made so large that it could not be introduced into the vaginalpassage, and so coitus was impossible when it was worn. It could onlybe removed by the magistrate into whose hands the regulation of thispart of the citizens' life was given. Specimens of these padlocks arestill to be seen in European museums. 

Now the terribly immoral thing in all this way of living has alwaysbeen the fact that it _compelled_ people to continually _violate theirconsciences_, by _pretending_ to _believe_ one thing and constantly_practicing_ the reverse of their proclaimed belief. That is, it luredthem into _living a continual lie, and such can never be for the goodof the soul_! It goes without saying that the sooner this abominableway of living can be ended, the better it will be for all partiesconcerned--the individuals who are the victims of such falsehood, andthe communities of which they form a part. 

From all this it follows that the first thing every new husband andwife _ought_ to do is to _settle clearly in their own minds the issueas to whether it is right or wrong for them to engage in coitus forany other than procreative purposes_. Having settled this point, oneway or the other, then _let them conscientiously act accordingly. Foronly so can they live righteous lives_!

In settling this point, so far as available authorities for the youngpeople to study and consider are concerned, these are all _against_coitus except for begetting of off-spring. All the "purity" writersand Purity Societies are ranged together on the negative side. Likewise are all the books of "advice to young wives and husbands, "especially those addressed to young _wives_. 

Now all these "authorities" base their whole argument upon the purely_animal_ facts in the premises. Probably a certain Dr. C. Is morelargely read for information on these matters than any other author, especially among young women. He has written a large, and fromthe view-point he takes, a very plausible volume; and it is veryextensively advertised, especially in papers which young women read. The result is that it has come to be almost a standard authority inthese affairs. 

Dr. C. 's argument is, baldly, as follows:--(a) Among animals, theuniversal practice is a single act of coitus for each begetting ofoff-spring, (b) Human beings are animals, (c) Therefore, human beingsshould only engage in coitus for reproductive purposes. 

To this syllogism he adds a corollary, which is, that, therefore, allsexual commerce in the human family, for any other than reproductivepurposes, is _wrong. _ These are his texts, so to speak, and throughseveral hundred pages he preaches, _don't, don't, don't, _ sermons. Theentire volume is one of denial and prohibition. He proclaims the act, even for the one purpose he allows to be right, as low, and in itselfdegrading, to be engaged in only after "prayer and fasting" and"mortifying the flesh, " and even then, in the most passionless, andonly done-because-it-has-to-be manner; as a mere matter of duty; to bepermitted by sufferance; joyless, disgusting in itself; a somethingto be avoided, even in thought, other than it is a necessity for thecontinuance of the race. 

_It is from such data as this that thousands of "innocent" bridesannually make up their minds as to what is right or wrong in thematter of sexual intercourse. _

In doing this, most of these young women are perfectly conscientious, and want to do the right thing, and there are two items in the countthat naturally lead them to accept Dr. C. 's teachings as correct. Thefirst is, that it coincides with all they have ever heard about suchmatters; the second, that the Doctor flavors all his text with areligious quality, of the alleged most sacred sort. He instancessaintly women who have lived the most ascetic lives, and whosereligious status was achieved because, and by means of, their perfectchastity. In fact, this word "chastity" (which he translates as entirerenunciation of the whole sex nature) becomes the test word of hiswhole treatise, and its practice is upheld as the true road to allgoodness and virtue. 

Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are naturallyreligious (and not a word should be said against their being so) andthey are anxious to time their lives to everything that the highestreligious demands prescribe. It is, therefore, most natural that, being thus taught by an authority for which they have the highestregard, they enter marriage with the _fixed opinion_ in accordancewith their teaching. How could it be otherwise?

On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now and thena "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of the wholelot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any such theory, much less to live any such life as this theory would impose. These"don't care what the book says, " and, from the manner of theirbringing up, from all they have learned or heard by hearing _men_ talkabout married life, (which is usually of the most vulgar sort) theyhave come to the conclusion that marriage confers upon the parties the_right_ to engage in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, thatthe husband has the _right_ to the body of his wife _whenever hechooses_. For, indeed, does not the law give him that right! And solong as one "keeps inside the law" what more could be asked! Yea, verily! What more could be asked?

So it is that _most brides and bridegrooms go to their marriage bedwith the most widely diverse views as to what is right and wrong inthe premises_--as to the life they will lead in their new estate. Theyoung wife is for "purity" and "chastity. " The young husband, drivenby a passion which he has long held in thrall, in the belief that hecan now give the fullest vent to it, when he has got where such reliefis possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, whichhe fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases! Whatwonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most extensiveobserver of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "_As a matter offact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape their brides attheir first sexual meeting. " Could anything be more horrible, orcriminally wicked_? And it is all so needless! It is all the result ofignorance, of "innocence, " and the worst of false teaching. The pityof it!

True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by "mothernature, " who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in a measure, controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with passion, which, to a degree, will assert itself over and above all false modesty, herreligious scruples and her fear of pregnancy; and so she _may_ comethrough the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairlysane condition of mind, even though she may have practically been_raped_! But, too often, the result of such first contact is _a shockto the bride from which she may not recover during all the subsequentyears of married life_! And "here is where the trouble lies, " foruntold thousands of married men and women, all over the civilizedworld, to-day. And it might all be so different! It ought, _in everycase_, to be all so different! But if it ever does become different, _knowledge_ has got to take the place of "_innocence"_ on the part ofthe _bride_, and of _ignorance_ on the part of the _bridegroom_, bothof whom must be _taught_ to "_Know what they are about_" before theyengage in the sexual act, and be able to meet each other sanely, _righteously, lovingly, _ because they both _desire_ what each has togive to the other; in a way in which neither claims any _rights_, ormakes any _demands_ of the other--in a word, in _perfect concord_of agreement and action, of which mutual love is the inspirer, and_definite knowledge_ the directive agent. 

Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping affair. There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or thought of shame;but as perfectly as two drops of water flow together and become one, the bodies and souls of the parties to the act will mingle in a unitythe most perfect and blissful that can ever be experienced by humanbeings in this world. This is no dream! It is a most blessed reality, which all normally made husbands and wives can attain to, if only theyare properly _taught and educated_, if only they will learn how toreach such blissful condition. 

However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the askingmerely. _Instinct can never bring it about; "innocence"_ will neveryield such a result; and _force_, or the declaration of a "_right_"in the premises will forever banish it to the realm of thenever-to-be-realized. It can only come as a result of clear-headedthinking, scientific investigation, honest study, wise and righteousaction under the given conditions; and, above all, _a love, each forthe other, that knows no bounds_. All these things _must_ obtain, _on the part of both parties concerned_, or the desired results can_never_ be attained. 

Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to how suchestate may be reached by the readers of these pages. 

But first, let us finish Dr. C. , and all of his tribe--banish them fromall our reckoning in these matters, forever. 

As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on. Thesewriters treat the whole situation as though men and women were _mereanimals! Men and women are far more than mere animals, and God hathmade them so_! And for these reasons we will have respect for men andwomen as _God has made them_, rather than as Dr. C. And the "purityleagues" say God _should_ have made them!

As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the human familyis something _far above_ mere animality; it is something that mereanimals know nothing about, that they can never experience, or in anyway attain to, and these _fundamental differences_ in the premisesremove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with any forms orfunctions of mere animal life. As well reason that animals never eatcooked food, and so men ought never to eat cooked food (and there aresome people who do so reason, strange to say) or that animals donot wear clothes, and so men ought not to wear clothes--as well makethese, or a score more of comparisons, between the human race and mereanimals, as to try to compare them in the item of their sex functions. 

In only the single fact that, on the physical plane merely, coitusfor the purpose of procreation is common to all animal life, mankindincluded, is there a point of comparison between humanity and thebrute creation. _Beyond that point there is nothing comparable betweenthe two_! As well say that because beasts can hear, therefore theycan comprehend and enjoy a Beethoven Sonata, or because they have eyesthey can delight in a picture by Corot!

This is only another way of saying that sex has functions and uses inthe human family that are entirely apart from the possibilities of allother animal life--functions as much above mere animality as music isabove mere physical hearing, as painting above mere physical sight. 

These facts forever upset and overthrow all the theories of Dr. C. AndCo. , they entirely eliminate the whole bunch from any part or lot inthe issue on which they have essayed to speak with such authority, but whose main point, whose essential elements they have _entirelymisunderstood_, and hence have treated in a way that is wholly atvariance with the truth in the premises, and it is the truth that weare looking for. 

Once more (for it is well to go to the bottom of this matter while weare about it) the honest truth is, that _it is the universal practiceof the human race for men and women to cohabit for other purposes thanreproduction, and it has always been so_, since men and women were menand women! It is true among the most savage and barbarous tribes ofthe earth, and it is more emphatically true of the highly civilizedpeople in all lands and climes. And is it reasonable to suppose thatsuch a universal phenomenon should _not_ have been intended to be asit is! As well say that appetite for food is a mistake, one that oughtto be eliminated!

Again, the experiences of men and women, all over the world, provethat, where this act is engaged in properly, according to the lawsthat obtain in the premises, _it conduces to the highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being of the parties concerned_. Indeed, itis beyond doubt true that the men and women who have never known thismost perfect of all human experiences, have never reached the summitof human attainment, have never arrived at the perfection of manhoodand womanhood. Length of life, health of the highest sort, andhappiness, the most delectable--all come, these and more, to men andwomen by this route, _if it is rightly traveled_. Hell and damnationresult if that road is wrongly trod!

And that's what makes the manner of traveling it so important. 

VI

THE ACT OF COITUS

Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as composedof four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama. Not that thereis a sharp line of demarcation between each act or part, for the_four_ really blend into _one_ composite whole, when taken together, seriatim; but there are _four phases_ of the act which may well bestudied separately, in making a detailed review of a sexual meeting ofa man and a woman. 

These four parts are: _first_, the preparation for the act; _second_, the _union_ of the organs; _third_, the motion of the organs;_fourth_, the orgasm. 

In what immediately follows, these _four_ stages of the act of coituswill be studied and traced in detail, with the utmost care, in thehope that such pursuit may result in the best possible good to thestudent. 

Regarding the _first_ part of the act, let it be said that here, aboveall other situations in the world "_haste makes waste_. " _Put thatdown as the most fundamental fact in this whole affair!_ Right here iswhere ninety-nine one-hundredths of all the troubles of married lifebegin! And the fault, right here, is usually (though not always) withthe husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in a thousandtimes does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is simply thevictim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an _ignorance_which results in stupid blundering, or carelessness, orthoughtlessness. What such a husband practically does is to rushblindly and furiously along a way he knows nothing of, but which hehas been led to think he has a _right_ to travel _when and how hewill_! The ordinary figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintlydescribe the smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicatesituation that can occur in all human experiences, that result fromsuch action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled fromtheir lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that werebeyond the power of words to express go out in despair; dreams becomea hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as crystal waters, ismuddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool! _And all this because ofignorance_ or careless hurrying, of making haste where the utmost oftime, caution and intelligent care should have obtained!

As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to beengaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo greatchanges. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious quantities, till they become gorged. The result is that the penis is enlarged toseveral times its dormant size, and the vulva and vagina should, and will, under right conditions, undergo similar changes andtransformation. 

_But there is usually a great difference in the length of time ittakes for these changes to take place in men and women_. On the partof the man, as soon as his passion is aroused to any considerableextent, the penis at once makes itself ready for action. It"tumesces, " or swells itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far asits mere physical stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter thevagina then as ever, even if it has to force itself in. 

On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is usually, (especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a matter ofconsiderable time, not infrequently several minutes, and now and then, of _half-an-hour or more_! This is not always so, for in some verypassionate women they are ready for action almost instantly. Indeed, there are some women whose sex organs tumesce if they (the women) eventouch a man--any man--and occasionally a case occurs where a womanwill experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Suchcases are, of course, abnormal. But, _for the most part_, it is truethat women are _much slower_ in making ready for the sexual act thanmen are. 

Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has provided amost wonderful means for bringing about their easy and happy union. Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or pour out, a sortof lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes almost floods theparts. This is a clear and limpid substance, that looks much like thewhite of an egg, and is much like the saliva that is secreted inthe mouth, only it is a thicker substance. Chemically, it is almostidentical with saliva. That generated by the man is called "prostaticflow;" that produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion. "

Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and exuded, allthe parts become covered or saturated with it, and they are admirablyequipped for easy union. The glans penis is then covered with theslippery fluid, and the vulva and all the walls of the vagina arelaved with the substance. At the same time, the vaginal walls havewidened and grown soft, and all the parts of the vulva (which are yetto be named and described in detail) are in like condition. The resultis that, though the penis be what might at first seem of such size asto make its entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact, such entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to bejoined. _But not before or otherwise!_

So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in haste, if hedoes not wait for the wife to become ready to meet him; if he forceshis large, hard penis into the vagina before either is fully readyfor such union--when there is no prostatic fluid on its glans, and thevagina is shrunken and its walls are dry--if coitus is engaged in inthis way, it is perfectly easy to see that _only disaster can result_!The woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality getsonly a beastly gratification from the act. _Of all bad things in allthe world, such manner of coition is the worst_!

And so, in this _first_ part of the act, the one foremost thought toremember and observe is, _take plenty of time!_

There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time shouldbe extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in thesematters, and that is, that her "innocence, " and all her education, make her feel that she is _doing wrong_, or at least permitting awrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of herpassion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flowof the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properlyprepared for her share of the mutual act. 

Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming intoa proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause forher failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All ofwhich items must be taken into account by both husband and wife, and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for bothparties are attained. 

As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be madeof this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the timebeing, because its consideration can be better provided for after someother points have been studied. 

Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood)direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitusis: _do as lovers do when they are "courting. "_ And everybody knowswhat that is! And note this--that _nobody ever hurries when they arecourting!_ They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "foolaround, " they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossibleways. They kiss each other--"long and passionate kisses, they againand again give and receive"--they hug each other, nestle into eachother's arms--in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-oneways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-bloodedcall nonsense or foolishness, but which all _lovers_ know is an_unspeakable delight_ ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to_talk_ when these blissful experiences are going on!). 

Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply, should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that thispart of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play shouldbe wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the playwill end in _tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon thestage_!

Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supremeact of married life is not always preluded in this way is found inthe _false view_ of what the _marriage ceremony means_, and a wrongimpression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" toits prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of"marriage vows" bestows certain _rights_ and imposes certain _duties_upon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makescertain acts _right_ which would _otherwise_ be _wrong_, and that itestablishes the _right_ to engage in such acts, _with or without anyfurther consultation or consent in the premises_. It makes love amatter of _contract_, a something _bound by promise and pledge ratherthan a free and unfettered effusion of the soul_. 

The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony boththe man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their powerto increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after theyhave been granted a "license, " and the minister has put their handstogether and prayed over them--after this, they both think they havea "_cinch_" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond thatcannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further lookingafter, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and whichmay therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of itspronouncement! Nothing _could be further from the truth than this is_. And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people!

Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of themarriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact thatmarriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of itsoriginal status yet remains--all these things tend to establish thesewrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it. 

Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage allconfined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they areabout evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a fewillustrations, as follows:

A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, norwere there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to spend hisevenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One evening, as hewas making ready to go out, his wife said: "What makes you go outevenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use to do it!" And thehusband replied:

"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! Youused to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, fixedup your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't come off, would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me and kiss me, and now you never do anything of the kind. " And before he could saymore, the wife responded: "_Oh, but we are married now, and it's yourduty to stay with me!_"

What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming the doorafter him! The wonder is that he ever came back. 

Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College andwho had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the "firstfamilies" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the highestculture and refinement, finally married a Western business man. Ontheir bridal night, as they were retiring, the man laid his hand onthe woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it off, and said: "Don'tbe disgusting! I married you because I was tired of taking care ofmyself, or of having my relatives take care of me. You are worth fiftythousand dollars, and one-third of all that was made mine just as soonas the preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't helpit! That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best ofit!"

These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of the sortthat could be told. 

On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant andcareless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their bridesbecause they think _the law_ and the _contract_ give them the right!There is no need to go into details. The whole evil is revealed by thewords of the woman just quoted: "_Oh, but we are married now_. "

These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that _marriageconfers no rights, to either the bride or the bridegroom, in thehighest meaning of the word_. So far as its outward and formalobservance is concerned, marriage is merely a sort of protection forsociety which has grown up through the years, and which is probablyfor the best, for the present, things being as they are. But it shouldbe well understood that it can _never_ lead to _true happiness_ if itis viewed and utilized _merely_ on its _legal and formal side. Truemarriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be tradedupon, or made an item of formal agreement and contract. _ People maycontract to live together and to cohabit, and they may faithfullycarry out their agreements; _but this is not marriage_! It is simply_legalized prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It isblasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!_

Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound. " Indeed itcannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And if theparties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, pledgesand agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker will it escapefrom all its holdings and fly away and _stay away_!

And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there should beno hurrying or haste here) let married people understand that the keyto married happiness is _to keep on "courting" each other_. Indeed, to make courting continually grow to more and more. During the wholeextent of married life, never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, and to show, _by all your acts_, that you are lovers, and great shallbe your reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough. Do it!

And be careful _not_ to do anything that a careful lover ought notto do! This direction should be heeded by both husband and wife. Makeyourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and keep yourself so. As between the public, or your friends, or society, give them what ofyourself you can spare, after you have given to your lover all thatyou can bestow upon him, or he can wish you to bestow. Don't giveto everybody and everything else, church, society, work, children, friends, or what-so-ever--don't give _all_ of yourself to these, andlet your husband "take what there is left. " Don't do that, as youvalue your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but we aremarried now, " and let it go at that!

The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be watchedand tended with the most skilful care, _continually_, by both husbandand wife. Treated in this way, they will not only be fragrant andlovely through all the years of wedded life; but as, one by one, theblossoms shed their petals and change their forms so that lusciousfruits may come in turn--as these changes take place, new, morebeautiful and more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end ofthe longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as youhope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, andact accordingly _all the time_--days, nights and Sundays. 

Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so firmlyand deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, we will moveon. 

So, then, the _first_ part of _every_ act of coitus should always be a_courting_ act, in which there should be _no haste_, but in which theparties should "_make delays_, " as John Burroughs says. 

And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting has a farwider range of possibilities than it has for the unmarried. Previousto marriage, there are conventionalities and clothes in the way! Afterthat, neither of these need be in evidence, and this makes a lot ofdifference, and all in favor of the best results, if rightly used, and made the most of. One hardly need to go into details here, (thoughthis may be done later on in this writing). If the lovers will be asfree with each other unclothed as clothed; if they will utterly ignoreall conventionalities, and do with and for each other anything andeverything that their _impulses_ and _inclinations_ suggest, ortheir desires prompt; if they will, _with the utmost abandon_ givethemselves up to petting each other in every possible way that _mothernature_ has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss and"spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to do--if theywill do this, and not _hurry_ about it--then, in due course, theywill successfully execute the _first act_ of the great play they areperforming; the sex organs will become fully ready for the union theyare both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erectcondition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the areaof the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth andslippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" andeverything will be in _perfect readiness_ for the next part of theperformance, namely the union of the organs. 

And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position ofthe parties in making such union. There are a large number of thesepossible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the mostcommon one will be considered (it is said there are more than fortydifferent positions possible in this act). 

The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back, with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that theangle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less thana right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be nopillow under it. 

Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lovershould come. His body will thus be over and above her, and _he shouldsustain himself on his elbows and knees_, so that little or _none_ ofhis weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (andit should be noted that only in the human family is this position ofcoitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the backof the female. They--mere animals--can never look each other in theeye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked andvery significant difference between human beings and all other animalsin this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs togo together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. Thewoman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover'slegs, and clasp his body with her arms. 

The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too abrupt, unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and itis _the wish of the wife_ that it be made in this way. It is onlyfair to say, though, that such bold and pronounced entrance is often_greatly desired by the woman_, if her passion has been fully arousedat this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of thegreatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its beingso made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the comingtogether, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the penis working itsway into the vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encasedtherein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and uterine cavitywill still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will befitted together perfectly, a single unit, _one_, in the highest senseof unity. 

This is the _second_ act in this wonderful play. 

Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adaptedto each other, the _third_ act begins, namely, _the motion of theorgans_--the sliding of the penis back and forth, partly in and out ofthe vagina, though this is not really the best way of describing justwhat should take place. What _should_ actually be done is, that the_two_ organs should engage in this motion, which is _common to themboth_. They should _mutually_ slip a few inches, back and forth, _eachparty to the motion doing a fair half_. 

It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent"wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband--thathe should slide his penis in and out of the vagina, while the womanshould lie still and "_let him do it all_. " This is, however, a_great_ mistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill tountold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons:

In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around herlover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supportshimself by his elbows and knees over and above her, resting _none_ ofhis weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips upand down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling"round-and-round" motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus_originate_ her half of the in-and-out motion--a something she willdelight to do, _if given a fair chance. _ If, however, the man liesheavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, thepossibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this resultsdisastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, thehusband should take the _utmost care_ to give his wife the _full andcomplete freedom_ to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successfulclimax demands that she should. 

Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and thein-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows willvary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, orlast act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes, may require a mere half dozen motions, or _several hundred!_ Alldepends on the intensity of the passions of the husband and wife, especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part ofthe act. 

The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still moredistend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster andfaster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs willpossibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricatingfluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all atonce, the orgasm, or _fourth stage_, is reached!

It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is nobodily sensation that at all corresponds to it, unless it be a sneeze, and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort ofnervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an orgasm). A sexualorgasm is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosionswhich defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control ofthe will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces isdelectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all humanexperiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactlythe same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled inhuman life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands andwives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual possibilities. 

On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and allabout the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus dischargedat a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flushand flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action therehave already been described, and so need not be repeated here. 

On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding emissionof fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the semen. Yet thespasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as nervous explosions areconcerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation followspalpitation, through all the sexual area; the mouth of the womb opensand closes convulsively, the vagina dilates and contracts again andagain, and the vulva undergoes similar actions. The sensations areall of the most delectable nature, the whole of the woman's body beingthrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible. This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the orgasm in woman. _It has nothing whatever to do with conception_; though many people, especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon, believe that it is an _essential_ to pregnancy. _But such is by nomeans the case. _ All that is needed to bring about conception in awoman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting sementhere, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant isconcerned, the _woman_ need have _no pleasure at all_ in the act ofcoitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh semenfrom some man and injecting it into the vagina with an ordinary femalesyringe!

The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes theform that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless theorgasm is _simultaneous on the part of the man and woman_, has causedmany a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result tobe impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the sameinstant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated hiswife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he aloneexperienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was impossible. 

Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it ispossible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! The writer onceknew a case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligentand well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and towhom were born six children, who, at the end of that time werewholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it byaccident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for manyyears. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience thissensation at all, but of this more will be said later. 

All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as womenare concerned, _the orgasm is entirely for her delectation anddelight. It forms no part of the act of conception_, and its onlypossible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of theexceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women toengage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, andthat it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers. Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk ofbecoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But more ofthis later. 

As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband andwife takes place. They are truly "spent, " a most expressive word, which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the manthe up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost instantly limpand shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A mostdelightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of thewhole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep at once, comes uponthem irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselvesof such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should alwayshave at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with whichto care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as theorgans are separated, will, in greater or less quantity, flow from thevagina. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the penis whenit is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remainswith him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, andimmediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wife_perfectly free_, to do as she will. She should arrange the towelbetween her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making noattempt to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and goto sleep _immediately_. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep onher _back_, after coition, she thereby increases the _probability_, of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desiremotherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay onher back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnantafter all other means had failed. )

Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, toimmediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and unsanitary. But this is not at all true, and for this reason: _The semen is a mostpowerful stimulant to all the female sex-organs, and to the whole bodyof the woman_. The organs themselves will absorb quantities of semen, if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial tothem, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause thatmany women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are marriedand so can avail themselves of this _healthful food. _ As a matterof fact, _there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is aspotent to woman-kind as semen_. There are multitudes of "nervous"women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in goodhealth, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and theabsorption of semen, when both these items are present in perfection. On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills, when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied. The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, andits products utilized. 

So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage"into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long, so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presenceof the semen and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she maybathe the vulva region with warm water; but there is no need of, noris it wise to try to cleanse the vagina and the uterine tract by theuse of a vaginal syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into thevagina, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some womenuse a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surerway to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested withblood at such times, and to pour _cold_ water upon them is as though, when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a coldbath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the sementhat remains in the vagina. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanseand care for themselves. 

Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at itsbest estate, and in a general way. _Its perfect accomplishment is anart to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attainedby wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and aloving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the partiesto the act. It is no mere animal function. _ It is a _union_, a _unity_of "two _souls_ with but a single thought, two hearts that beat asone. " There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what itought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highestand best estate. It is _God-designed, God-born, God-bestowed!_ As suchit should be thankfully received and _divinely used_ by all the sonsand daughters of men. 

VII

THE FIRST UNION

And now, although so much has been said, there is much that remains tobe said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject justice. Someof these things are as follows:

Something more ought to be told about the second part of the act ofcoitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the _first_ timeon the part of the woman. 

At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be avirgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, thatare not present in after-meetings, and these must be understood andrightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results may ensue. 

Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries prescribed asforming the _first_ movement of the act should be carried out _to thelimit_. It is not too much to say that these should be prolonged for_some days_! Do not start, young husband, at this statement! Well didAlexander Dumas, père, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in thefirst overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from whatshe feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to shut outthe sight; but do not forget that she is a woman, and so is filledwith _curiosity_, under any and all circumstances! And you may set itdown as sure, that, though she blinds herself with her hands as shescales the dizzy heights you are leading her over, nevertheless, _she will peek through her fingers!_ So she will watch you with mostcritical eyes, and note every show of _selfishness or blundering onyour part! So have a care!_ You may think you are aiming your arrowat the sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good wordsthese, and to be heeded, come what may!

As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to _let plenty of timeelapse before engaging in the full act of coitus!_ Delay here willlead to a possible loving speed, later on. The young people shouldtake time enough to get better acquainted with each other than everbefore; to become, in a measure, accustomed to the uncovered presenceof each other, and to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playingtogether" that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitusshould not be attempted till the bride is at least _willing_. Ifshe can be brought to become _anxious_ for the meeting, so much thebetter. 

And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the act, wecome to the first union of the organs for a newly married couple, thebride being a virgin. And here is where an explanation is called for. 

The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a mouthshaped aperture, located laterally between the forward part of thethighs. In shape, size and structure, it much resembles the externalparts of the mouth proper. It begins just in front of the anus, andextends forward above the pubic bone and a little ways up the belly. Its entire lateral length is about four or more inches. 

This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, orlabiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the vaginalopening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, and are knownas labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the thicker and thinner, orlarger and smaller lips. They extend almost the entire length of thevulva, the outer lips folding over the inner ones when the thighs aretogether. The outer parts of the larger lips are covered with hair. Inthickness and quality these labiae are much like the lips of the faceof each individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a largevulva and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland thatis located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds, almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of themale organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part of thevulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper. 

All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, andthey are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly sensitiveskin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the mouth. Both theclitoris and the lips are filled with expandable blood vessels, andin a state of tumescence they are greatly enlarged by a flow ofblood into the parts. The clitoris, in this condition, undergoes anenlargement, or "erection, " which is exactly like that of the glanspenis. So much as to the physiology of this part of the female sexorgans, all of which should be well understood by every bride andbridegroom, though often it is not. 

Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet named, and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly known. Thisis a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper part of thevaginal opening, and so _closes up_ nearly all that part of thevulva. This hymen is not always present, however, even in a state ofundoubted virginity. Sometimes it is torn away in childhood by thelittle girl's fingers, as she "plays with herself. " Sometimes itis ruptured by lifting, again it is broken away by the use of alarge-sized female syringe. _For all these reasons, it is not right toconclude that a bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not presentand in evidence at the first coition. _

Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly ignorant ofthe _existence_ of the hymen, and of the troubles it may cause at thesecond part of the sexual act, in a first meeting. This membrane isoften quite tough and strong. It is grown fast to the lower part ofthe clitoris and to the inside surfaces of the smaller lips, andit covers so much of the vaginal opening that it is practicallyimpossible for the erect penis to enter the vagina so long as itis present. Now if, under these conditions, the bride and groom(especially the latter) are ignorant of the real construction of theparts, and so should try to make a union of the organs, they wouldfind such union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man, puzzled, and impatient, and passion-driven, should _force_ a hastyentrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he wouldhurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to _bleed_ freely from thewounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of which would be a scoreagainst the husband, would brand him as a brute, or a bungler, and sotend to make his "sun-aimed arrow alight in the mud. "

The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation and totalk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that can be doneabout it. If the conditions are fully understood by the bride andgroom, they can, in almost every case, by working and moving togethercarefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the hymen with little or nopain or loss of blood. 

As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all the factsare known, and the husband will hold his erect penis still and steadyagainst the hymen, the bride will so press against it, and "wigglearound" it, that _by her own motions_, she will break the membrane andso be rid of it. She knows how much pain she can endure, and when thepressure is too hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow, what is done _she does_ herself, and so can never charge up againsther husband!

It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire andmutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be eliminatedwith satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, however, careful andwell-executed efforts fail to remove it, the services of a surgeonshould be procured, and he, by a very simple and almost painlessoperation, can remove the difficulty. But never, _no never_, shouldit be brutally torn away by the force of the husband, and without thefull willingness of the wife. _Mark this well_. As a matter of fact, the wise and practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go toa surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the hymenfor her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very easily done. Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity on the part of thehusband and so this is a point to be careful about!

The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as "defloration"--thetearing to pieces of a flower. The term is not fortunate. Nothingworth while has been taken away by removing the hymen, but much thatis useful has been acquired. An organ that has outlived whateverusefulness it might once have had has been removed, and its goinghas made possible new and beautiful uses in life. If this has beenaccomplished by the mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom, it is a cause for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not ofmourning. As well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix asfor the destruction of the hymen. 

With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus offersno situation that calls for further remark or explanation. 

And now a few words about the probabilities of conception resultingfrom coitus, and some matters which are very closely related thereto. 

In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for husbandand wife should desire to have children, and should act in accordancewith such wish. This is not only in harmony with the primary purposeof sex in the human family, but it is a response to a natural demandof the human soul, in both man and woman. As Bernard Shaw makes JackTanner say: "There is a father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and_parenthood is the supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-mindedmen and women. _ It is not an "instinct, " but something far above thatquality. 

Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and of thatalone, but not so in the human race. Human beings naturally desire tomake a home for themselves, and a home, in the fullest meaning of thatword, means _children_ and a "family circle. " This is something thatanimals know nothing about. Animal mothers forget and ignore theirprogeny as soon as they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in manycases, kill them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance todo so. These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, issomething much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. Indeed, the whole matter of comparing this quality, as it exists in humanity, with that of animals merely, is only a continuance of the similarabomination of comparing the sex functions of these two forms of life. In the real essentials of existence, they are in no way comparable;and to make such is not only folly, but approaches the positivelycriminal. The results of doing so certainly lead to crime. 

Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the purposeand hope of having a family of children. They may not put it that way, may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or to themselves; butif married people find that they _cannot_ produce, it is a source ofunspeakable regret to them both. In such cases, the inherent desirefor parenthood will "cry aloud and spare not. " A "barren" womangreatly mourns her inability, and will shed bitter tears over thefact, if she be truly human; and an "impotent" man will be practicallydespised by all who are aware of his incompetence. 

And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have children, it is only right that they should desire to have them _as they wantthem_, and _when_ they want them, and not _whenever they may happento come!_ That is, sensible and thoughtful people, who plan definitelyfor the future, want to make the coming of children to them an affairof _deliberate_ arrangement, and not of _chance_. 

This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right waythat children should be begotten and born. Which statement calls fora few special words on the right of parents to regulate the productionof progeny. 

There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide, " andthe wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of children in afamily. Such talking and writing arouse anxious questionings in theminds of conscientious young married men and women who are desiring todo the right thing in the premises, but are uncertain as to what theright thing is, and for such are the following words:

Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus by name, discovered and announced the fact that the rate of natural increasein the human race was several times greater than that of the possiblerate of production of food supply for their support. Scientificallyphrased, his statement was that "the rate of increase in humanityis in geometrical ratio, while the rate of increase of possible foodsupply is in arithmetical ratio. " And from this basis, he reasonedthat, unless the surplus of human production was in some way cut offand destroyed, the whole human race would ultimately demand more foodsupply than could possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time, the whole race would perish from starvation!

Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, plague, pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off and destroythe _surplus_ of humanity, and hence all these alleged evils werein reality blessings in disguise, and that _it would be wrong tointerfere_ with their really beneficent workings! Volumes could bewritten, and they could not tell the half of the misery and evil thatthe promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world, but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need thisbe done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made to makeready for what is to follow. 

Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, _since thepossibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband and wifemay produce has been given them_; that since such result can be, forthem, made a matter of _choice_, of an _exercise of the will_, andnot of _blind instinct_--under these circumstances, all of whichundoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that it isthe _purpose of the Creator_ that the limiting of the number of humanbeings in the world should be brought about by _curbing the birthrate_, rather than by _killing the surplus_ after they are born!

There can be but one answer made to this question, by any intelligentman or woman. 

These facts, then, establish the _rightfulness of determining thenumber and size of a family by every husband and wife_. But this doesnot mean that they are to entirely refrain from cohabiting, in orderto keep from having children! This phase of the argument has alreadybeen gone over and disposed of. But it _does_ mean that husbands andwives have a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of thenumber of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all partiesconcerned--themselves, their circumstances, the born or unbornchildren, the state, the nation. Let the bride and groom be wellconvinced and established in their own minds on these points, asearly in their relation as possible. They should be so from the veryoutset--_must_ be so, to reach the best results. 

The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and wilfuldetermination of the number of children a husband and wife may have, be brought about?

And the answer is, that _it can never be accomplished by careless andhap-hazard cohabiting!_ On the contrary, it can only be compassed bythe most _careful_ and _watchful_ processes of engaging in coitus, andby a _full knowledge_ of physiological facts, and by acting, _always_, in accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but itis a way worth going in, for all that. 

On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent men andwomen agree that anything even approaching _infanticide_ is nothingshort of a crime, and that abortion, except for the purpose of savingthe life of the mother, is practically murder. 

But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two germswhich, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in a livinghuman form, is _quite another affair_. 

It is only this aspect of the situation which will be considered inwhat follows. 

Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception consistof having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting the sementhere. The corollary of this is, that whenever these coincidences takeplace, there is a _possibility_ for conception. 

But in all _normal_ cases, the ovum only passes into the womb once inevery twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only remains in the wombfor about half that period of time, that is, for about 14 or 15 daysin each month. And so, since the menstrual flow ceases after aboutfive days from its beginning, in about ten days _after_ its stopping, the ovum will have passed out of the womb, and hence that organcontains nothing that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semenmay be deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This isa simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known. 

However, it must be said that these _generally_ common conditions _donot always obtain_--that is, they are _not_ true in the case of _all_women. There are women who will conceive at _any_ time in the month, if they are given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for suchpossibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the ovaries, in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once a month do anyof these pass down into the womb; but, in exceptional cases, sometimesthese ova are so partially held in the ovaries that, under theexcitement of coitus, and because all these parts dilate so muchduring the act, an ovum may slip its moorings, under such conditions, pass down into the uterus at an untimely season, meet the semen there, and pregnancy result. Such are the facts _in some cases_. 

How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, in_their_ particular case?

The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that should bedone as follows:

The _first_ sexual meeting of the bride and groom should _never_ takeplace until at least _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flowin the bride! This is a rule that should never be violated_ if theparties wish to "_test out_" the real condition as to whether or notthe bride has any "free time. " The chances are several to one that she_has_ such leeway; but the fact can only be established by "provingup" and this can _never_ be done if any _chances_ are taken. Put thisdown as rule number one. 

For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding day; and, if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the probably immuneperiod. And the nearer she can bring this day to the _beginning_ ofsuch period of freedom from danger of pregnancy, the better. For, ifit should happen that the first coitus should take place only a_day or two before_ the time when another "monthly" was due, suchexcitement might hasten the passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into theuterus, and conception might occur. In which case, "all the fat wouldbe in the fire, " nothing would be proved, and the parties would be asignorant as ever regarding the facts in _their_ case. 

And so, the _first_ sexual meeting of a bride and bridegroom should benot _earlier_ than _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flowand not later than three days before the next monthly is due. Putthat_ _down as rule number two, never to be violated. _

And if marriage takes place before this period of probable immunityon the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to do is to"patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may "require fortitude"on the part of both parties, but it is the only safe thing to do. Andto do just that, will amply repay such waiting. The writer knows of acase where the wedding took place just three days before the bride'snext monthly was due, and she and her husband waited for more than_two weeks_ before they met sexually! But it paid to wait, for theirdoing so proved that the bride had _two weeks_ of "_free time_" in_each month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take time!_

And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for ahusband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a result ofcoitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman than for the man, for it is she who has to bear the burden of what follows, if followingthere be. The husband can "do the deed" and go about his business. Thewife, if "the fertile seed" takes root, has before her months of careand anxiety, and she risks her very life in what may come of it all. For these reasons, she has a _right to dictate all the terms_ whichare liable to cause her to become a mother. _And yet she shoulddo this with full regard for the husband, in love, in truewifely-womanhood. _ On this point, do not fail to read "The Helpmate, "by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and bridegroom shouldfail to read and study, carefully. 

The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and avoidpregnancy may be summed up as follows:--The attainment of sucha condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and honestlypains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not reached, its lackwill be a source of endless contentions and differences between thehusband and wife. It will lead to jealousies, quarrels, and all sortsof marital woes. But, the situation once mastered, by the most lovingand accurate of scientific methods of procedure, a happy married lifeis certain to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always bein a condition of "unstable equilibrium. " So let every bride andbridegroom begin, _from the first_, to try to establish the greatly tobe desired accomplishment. If anything further on this point should bedesired, consult a reliable physician. 

VIII

THE ART OF LOVE

And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art islong!" _And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the mostdifficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!_

It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequentoccurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are _not wellmatched_; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature, results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treatedsanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficultycan be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned. 

In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that thepenis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the wife. This isvery apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with asmall mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling, " largemouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be takeninto account before marriage, and which should figure in determiningwhether the parties are "suited" to each other. They _would_ beregarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they mostsurely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence"get in their work, and make trouble in married life!

In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully inserted in thetoo-short vagina, and especially when, at the orgasm, the two organsare crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both partiesdemands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the penisis driven against the rear walls of the vagina, often furiously, thusstretching and straining the vaginal passage longitudinally, pressingagainst the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it outof place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hencecausing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results. 

Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wifeshould be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in the_second_ part of the act, the first putting together of the organs. This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will"fit, " and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to beperfect!

But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the naturejust described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means areused. 

(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relativesize of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by the size of thebody of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally largeand long penis, and many a little woman has a large vulva and a longvagina; and the reverse of all this is true, in the case of many menand women. These items in the count are among the things that cannever be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is notpossible, as things are now. )

And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it canbe provided for, in most cases as follows:

Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already beendescribed--the woman on her back and the man over and above her--let_this_ be done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on hisleft side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawnup so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, andthe knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her rightside, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip inthe angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that _hisleft leg_ supports _her hips_, by being under them; put her right legbetween his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her rightarm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his bodyunder his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waistfrom below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, ashe may choose. Now in _this_ position, the man's hips make a sort ofsaddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with thegreatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported bythe bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintainthe position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he overand above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, andwith the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, andthus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment'sconsideration will disclose the fact that this position has manypoints in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman, in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on herright side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on herhusband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below himeasily supports them both. 

Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely together andtheir union is easily accomplished. But see! It is _now_ the _woman_, and not the _man_ who has _full control_ of such meeting, and so canregulate it to _her liking_, or _needs_. Her hips are perfectly freeto move towards, or from, those of the man; and so _she can determinejust how much or how little of his penis shall enter her vagina!_ Andif his penis is too long for her, she can accommodate her action tosuch fact!

As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if notgreater than it would be were he in the other position. The easeafforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear ofhurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is ofreal value, and which will make for his delectation as much as forthat of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easilyperformed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, theorgans can be crowded together passionately, and still without hurtingthe woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips thatthe pelvic bone, the _mons veneris_, as it is technically called, willreceive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle whichis thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the peniswill keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and sowill protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. Theorgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is justas _natural_ as the other position, and has only to be tried to beproved worthy. 

And now one other point. (Curious how these details protractthemselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that wehave begun. )

A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of the_difference of time_ that it takes for the husband and wife to come tothe climax, the orgasm. As has already been noted, the highest delightin the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactlythe same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easyin all cases, and hence what follows:

As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are men. Thisis not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are sopassionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands'once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularlyexperience the orgasm four or five times to her husband's once. She isa lovely wife and a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or"worldly minded. " The situation is that her sex organs are exceedinglysensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed"differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are"timed" slower than men. 

Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases, impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, andbring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from thefact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually detumescence ofthe penis at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of excitingthe woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off"_first_, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climaxat that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her sex organscongested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme. On the other hand, if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulvaand vagina detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it isperfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come tothe climax, even if his partner has already "spent. "

Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is"keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite oftenthe case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one inwhich the _husband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little or_NONE--_a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially forthe wife. _ The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife livedtogether to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never onceexperienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her severaltimes a month, during the most of their married life. There was nogood reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was"quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had neversynchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety, never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wishedfor. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people. _Theysimply didn't know!_ One was ignorant and the other innocent, andthere you are again!

Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the partiesto "get together. " And the way to do this is, first, to _prolong theFIRST part_ of the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, butis even _ahead_ of her husband in the state of her passion. To bringabout this condition, _the husband should use every means to stimulatehis wife's sex-nature and increase her desire for coition. _ Here aresome things he can do, which will tend to produce such results:

A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her reproductivenerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is todirectly excite all of her sex organs. The lips and tongue are alsothus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if thehusband will "play" with his wife's breasts, especially with hernipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, withhis lips and tongue--at the same time, if he will stroke her vulvawith his fingers, especially the clitoris, _and if she will encouragehim to do this_, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it aboutas her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, herhusband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, shewill spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost, and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since shehas a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis withit and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva--if they willdo this, the cases are rare in which passion will not grow in the wifeto almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting, " the parts willall enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and, in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. Thispart of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entireperformance. 

If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearingon the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as the husbandstrokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To dothis, let him moisten his _fingers_ from his mouth, and transfer thisto the vulva, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening thevulva with saliva may be repeated _several_ times, _if necessary_, always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselvesrenders any further moistening needless. _The stroking of the dryvulva will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing thepre-coital flow_. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed, both these desired results will follow, except in _very_ rare cases. 

And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus moistening thevulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It is neither. On thecontrary, it is nature's way of helping to perfection an act which, but for such timely assistance, might never be brought to a successfulissue. As has already been noted, chemically, saliva and thepre-coital fluid are almost identical. They are both a naturalsecretion of a mucous membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their nativepurpose is lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva isas natural an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to theinterior of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice ofapplying saliva to the genitals before coition is very general, so much so that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It ismentioned here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in thesophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more tobe deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, such asmoistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's fingersafter eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth might becondemned by the "over-nice, " but it is quite universally practiced, and it is neither unwholesome nor unsanitary. 

It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet oilor vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts beforeengaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be recommended. Oilis not a natural product of the parts to which it is applied, it ischemically unlike their secretions, and to smear the delicate organswith a fluid that is foreign to their nature, is unwise, unsanitary, not to say filthy. It is like greasing the mouth to make food slipdown easily. And it is easy to understand how such application ofan unguent to the mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves ofsensation, and greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses ofthe oral cavity. 

So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the vulva andthe vagina for the reception of their natural mate. 

And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slowertimed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by themanipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily carriedto such length--the lips and tongue playing with the nipple, and thefinger-stroking of the vulva--that the woman could be brought toan orgasm without the union of the organs at all! This is a form ofmasturbation (this word has a bad meaning attached to it, but it is agood word, as will shortly be shown, and it has its legitimate uses;but, as a preparation for coition, it should not be carried anyfurther than is essential for bringing the laggard passion of thewoman up to an equal tension of that of her lover. ) A few weeks', ormonths', practice will enable a wife to determine just how muchof this form of "courting" will bring her to the desired point ofexcitement; and, when this point is reached, she should invite herhusband to "come up over, " if the first position is to be adopted forthe rest of the act; or, she should throw herself into her lover'sarms, if the second position is used. 

Just a little more--If, after getting into one position or the other, it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly abreast of her husbandin the intensity of her passion, let her _still further_ seek toadvance it, as follows:

If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, after hehas gotten into place and before the organs are united, have his wifetake his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his hips up and down, stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with the glans penis--notentering the vagina at once, but continuing this form of _exterior_contact of the organs, for a longer or shorter time--slipping past thewide open vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and, as it were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point ofdistraction--till, finally, she will "take no for an answer" nolonger, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into the vagina, andthus consummate their union. 

If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance may bemade at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But if the vulvaand vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance should be carefullymade, gently made, as she can bear it, as _she_ wishes it to be. 

Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the externalstroking of the organs may be continued to the very verge of theorgasm, so that, especially if the entrance can be made, as it were, in a frenzy of passionate delight, the organs coming into full lengthunion at a single impulse, or rushing together--then the simultaneousclimax _may_ be reached with one or two in-and-out motions--or, perhaps the single master-plunge may win the goal instanter! If so, aconsummation devoutly to be wished has been successfully reached!

Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play for"getting together, " it will enable the man to greatly extend andprotract what might be called the time of his possible _retention_, if he can keep the foreskin over the glans penis. Some men cannot dothis. If they have been circumcised, of course they cannot! But if theglans penis can be covered with the foreskin during all this playingtogether, it will enable the husband to prolong his "retentionaltime" far beyond what he otherwise could. Some men have the power of"retaining" to almost any length of time by the exercise of their willpower, and so they can _wait_ for their wives. If the wife is slowertimed than the husband, he should _carefully cultivate the "art ofretaining"_ and so wait for her. _To do this successfully will greatlyincrease married happiness_. 

This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with equal forceto the possibilities of the man's retention after the organs areunited, and all through the third part of the act. If the penis canenter the vagina with its "natural cap on, " the husband can give hiswife the pleasure of many times the amount of in-and-out motion thanhe could otherwise bestow upon her. And if the wife is the slower ofthe two (as is generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such afavor, and will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocalmotions which she will LAVISH upon her _considerate_ lover. 

This is an item of almost supreme importance--this "keeping thecap on" the penis, during the act, _if the wife is slower than thehusband_--if they need to have a care, to insure their "getting offtogether. "

And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that MotherNature has especially provided a blissful reward for both the husbandand wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if the husband willbe careful to have the glans penis covered with the foreskin (and, ofcourse, this can _never_ be, if the organs are united when the vulvaand vagina are dry) when it enters the vagina, and will so engage inthe in-and-out motion that it will _stay covered_ as the _third_ actprogresses--if this is done, when the climax comes, if the two"spend together, " the womb will open its mouth as it were, claspthe foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the supremeinstant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct and blissfulcontact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! This is a mostwonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, and enjoy it to itsutmost, is the maximum of human delight!

Again, if after the organs are well together, in the man-superiorposition, and the in-and-out motion has begun, it should be foundthat the wife is still behind in the game, she can gain greatly in"catching up" if she is permitted to _originate_ the larger part ofthe motion. To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his bodyquite well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to moveher hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband will, inlarge measure, "hold still, " and keep his penis in such position thatit presses against the _upper part_ of the vulva, that is against theclitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he will "ride high") and then permithis _wife_ to make "long strokes, " sliding the organs together fortheir full possible length, with the clitoris in constant contact withthe penis, during the whole of each stroke--all of this will greatlyand rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the climax. 

Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to theirfullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis presses firmlyagainst the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and labiae almost clasptheir mate; and then, in this position, if the husband will maintainthe _status quo_, while she lifts her hips hard against his, and_swings them about_, in a sort of circular motion "round and round, "as it were--this will also greatly increase her passion, and soonbring her to the climax. 

In both these last described ways of courting, the husband should be_extra careful not_ to permit the weight of his body to press downheavily upon his wife. He should _wholly_ sustain himself on hiselbows and knees, and permit her to lift herself, at least her hips, by the help of her arms around his waist. This is no hardship for thehusband, if he be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is hisstrength for but to delight his sweetheart? _A true, devoted, virileand manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To delighther, is to doubly delight himself_. This is another point of whichmere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all their nature whichresponds to the like of this, in any way. The whole experience is_human_; it is productive of a joy, of a _spiritual elevation_, whichmere animality knows nothing of--can know nothing of. 

Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through allthese actions, a line of _complete mutualness must run_! The husbandmay _seem_ to be specially accommodating himself, and all he does, tohis wife's whims or necessities; but, even so, this will be more ofa delight to _him_ than it is to _her_, viewed from the _spiritualplane_, on the principle that "it is more blessed to give than toreceive"--and no truer words than these were ever spoken--while, at the same time, the wife, though _seeming_ only to be gratifyingherself, to be reaching after what she alone desires, yet, as a matterof fact, by her very so doing--and the more perfectly, completely, shedoes this, the better--she is gratifying and delighting her husband tothe utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, the lovers willlearn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, each knowing just whenthe other is fully ready, by a sort of _spiritual consciousness_, asit were, and so a perfect climax can be reached. 

Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS; _Let thehusband keep his head, and_ THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE HERS, throwing itto the winds, to be wholly swept away by the whirlwind of her passion;feeling free, delighting, to let it go, go, go, no one cares where!Do these things, and married life will be glorious! Of such is thekingdom of heaven, for the truly wedded lovers!

This will be "all Greek, " or "foolishness" to the selfish andmaterially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be _lifeimmeasurable_. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to tell thegreatest truths!

So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, when thewife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt this method, and the accompanying means for "getting together. " Now, if the otherposition is taken, that of the wife semi-superior, in the husband'sarms, as he lies partly on his back and partly on his left side, etc. , here are a few points to be noted to advantage. 

Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, it isentirely possible that when she has "come over" and has gotten intoposition, that she may not yet be fully ready for the union of theorgans. The very time that it takes for her to get into position, thechanging of the position of her body, from her back to her right side;the temporary cessation of the stroking of the vulva by her husbands's[sic] fingers; all these things will have a tendency to retard herpassion, for the time being, and all this loss ought to be made good, if not added to, before the _second_ part of the act is entered upon. And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought about, asfollows:--

Lying in each other's arms, in this _second_ described position, theorgans naturally _come_ into contact in such a way as to make thefurther excitation of the vulva and clitoris most natural and easy. The spreading of the wife's hips, caused by her throwing her left legover her husband's right and drawing up of her left knee, opens thevulva wide; and, at the same time, the penis, from the very natureof its position, will lie at full length in the opening, thusexposed--not entering the vagina, but remaining "without the gate" asyet. 

By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and elongated, thelips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state of tumescence, andall covered with the pre-coital fluid; the lips so distended that, when thus parted, they form the sides of a labial canal, as it were (adelectable, and most delicately smooth-walled channel). Now, in thisextended condition, which is fully as long as the penis, from endto end of its pathway of dalliance, every part covered with the mostdelicately sensitive nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasyof keenness to the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love'sstrolling way, "--if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong, in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both innerand outer labiae, the clitoris and all, for a space of five or sixinches in length; while the protruded and well-moistened lips of thevulva as it were reach out, and clasp themselves at least half wayaround their suitor, laving him with their luscious kisses--in thisposition, the wife being partly above, and so, perfectly free to moveher "love way" as she will, she can slide the pathway itself a fullsix or more inches, up and down, stroking all the area against thepenis as she moves; that, again, by its very position, being heldfirmly in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penisthrobbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at theextreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just then, to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping past thenow wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every down stroke toengulf it--dallying, delaying, coquetting, tantalizing, both man andwoman; playing the game in almost a swoon of ecstatic delight--undersuch conditions the wife's passion will rush to its fullestdevelopment, till, when she will, she can drop her vagina upon thepenis in such a way that the _two will be made one_, in absoluteperfection, on a single move, and from this to the finish it is but afew motions distant. 

In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of "going offtogether" is unsurpassed. 

Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the best forthe full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all positions, the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not quite "up tograde, " she can enjoy an embrace of this sort without fatigue, evento the full. For the organs can be united in this position quiteperfectly, though the penis will not penetrate the vagina to as greata length as in the other position. Still, the climax can be perfectlyreached in this way, and it is one of the best ways to make sure ofperfect "timing, " of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly inits favor. 

If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the wife beingtoo short for her husband's penis, this is a most excellent way formeeting and overcoming that difficulty. 

This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:--It might seemto the reader that the different "strokings" of the vulva, with thefingers, or the penis, all the contact being outside the vagina, thatall of these methods of excitation smack of masturbation, and so areof doubtful rightness. In reply to which, note the following:

The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been shownto be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is theexercise of functions that belong _only to mankind_, and hence isnot amenable to _any_ merely _animal_ laws or restrictions! It is thesource of numberless human joys, and _any_ method of engaging inthe act of mutual delight, that is, of _mutually happifying_, islegitimate and _altogether right_. And so, if the parties choose toincrease their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouseand intensify his wife's passion by stroking her vulva with hissaliva-moistened fingers, and _she wishes him to do so_, such act isas right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-be_only_ way of its exercise. Let this never be doubted. 

The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means of thehand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has receiveda black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no waydeserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened tosuch acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned farbeyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file arewholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation fromthe point of view which insists that _all_ the sex functions should beunder the control of the _will_, then light is thrown upon theentire subject. Seen in this way, _any_ form of sex stimulation, orauto-erotism even (auto-erotism means _self_ sex-excitation) which isNOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is _right_ and _wholesome_! But we have beentaught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us torealize that it is true. _But it is_!

Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arriveat the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her toan orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be _perfectlyright for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way_. Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would havebeen could she have met him simultaneously, but it is _far better thanfor her not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman_ SUFFERS ALL NIGHTLONG _with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent, because she has been left_ UNSATISFIED _by a husband who has spentbefore she was ready_, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might be_entirely relieved_, if the parties _knew the truth_, and were not too_ignorant_, or _prejudiced_, or _ashamed_ to do what should be done tomake the best of a situation. 

Of course, no husband should make a _practice_ of gratifying himselffully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Sucha practice would be _selfish_ and _wrong_. But as an _emergency_ wayof escape, the method is to be commended. 

Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has theadvantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the insertion ofthe penis into the vagina, _after_ his wife has spent, if shearrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distendedcondition permits such action on his part, for some time after she haspassed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his penisshrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition itcannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to anorgasm. 

Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet herhusband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness, or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help thesituation wonderfully if _she_ would take _his_ penis in _her_ handand "play with it" till he _spent_. He would love her for it, kiss herfor it, give her his soul for it!

_If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to thedelights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by external excitationof the organs with their hands a few times before they united theorgans at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This isespecially true for the bride_. If her lover would take her in hisarms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in theirbridal chamber, alone, and stroke her vulva till she "_spent, _" thechances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such ajoy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such methodis _infinitely superior_ to _raping_ a bride, as is so frequentlydone by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon his_rights_!"

Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her ownsex possibilities that she had never experienced an orgasm--had never"spent"--could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could beinstructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism, bringing herself to an orgasm with her own hand, _just for the sakeof the experience it would give her, and so that she would have someclear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the armsof her lover--if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, itwould be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition toher stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latentwithin her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be asnothing compared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience. When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, andthat knowledge takes its place!_

As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he willbe ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, since allhealthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if nototherwise!

Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may bepracticed by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, whensexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when_carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The onlydanger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the meansfor self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it isquite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, ofcourse, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad. _ On thecontrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome. 

There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows, who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form ofauto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced tobe much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionallysatisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with lovingthoughts of the absent one the while. 

There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As amatter of fact, all boys masturbate, and many girls also. Someauthors claim that more than half of all women engage in some formof auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate isprobably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the actto excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they maymake the act a means of great good to themselves. _The sex organs arealive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, asall other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as theirnature requires they should be. _ If this cannot be accomplished asthe most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next bestthing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in allthings. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, ormasturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse, " noris there any need that it should ever do so. It should beself-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus. 

IX

COITUS RESERVATUS

This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on thepart of the husband and wife, as follows:--

It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties tocontinually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, merephysical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition canbe reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known, in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus, "_ which, translated, means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it toits climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader isnow familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first andsecond stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, andstopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right norwise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of mosthappily married people have proved. 

Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites thefirst two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply onecontinuous piece of "courting, " merely that, and nothing more. Itis almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in itsperfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights ofmental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_. 

To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should bemade to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as hasalready been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The orgasmis not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightfulexpression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracingkiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. They_kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting, " parexcellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of anykind. 

In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chattingwith each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of athousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body, " the husband'sright hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke hiswife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe. 

As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in theworld that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should bea flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organsquietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when theyare duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wifecome over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, andthe organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _letthem stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third partof the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy theembrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy!

This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the loverslearn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a fewminutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties gettired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep. Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fullylearned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sexorgans united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, thepenis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, whilethe vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experienceis most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by thehusband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutualbenefit. 

This method is of special service during the "unfree time. " If rightlyused, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending, " butit will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, mostperfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should"get run away with, " and feel that it is better to go on and have theclimax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying theact only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due timebe well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and lovingart will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month orso, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as oftenas the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as theyelect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if, on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "littlecourt, " this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute, " is amost excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, andmost people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_!

To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part ofthe husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is ofgreat value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If, during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up, " and feel the needof sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a waythat will be a great relief to each. This is specially true forthe husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet herhusband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for himto meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship!

Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which timethe union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help herlover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love directthe way here, and all will be well_. 

And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produceeffects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced inany other way. Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand fora given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will beeffected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let hiswife take his penis in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and theflow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whetherthe penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband'slimp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organremains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The sameis true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife'svulva. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would besecreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin. 

This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and itis one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfya wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, farbetter than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone. This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts ofhusband and wife. 

As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire promptsor suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this, let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_

Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitusbe engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _bothparties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of thephysical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere. We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food. The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise. _Satisfy the calls ofnature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY!_Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your bestjudgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_. 

And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one theother. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) andgreatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives. Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out oftheir husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them forsex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" muchfaster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a manmust spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This drawson his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, thereis no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and soshe can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not haveher vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatchedpeople meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjustthemselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the bestwelfare, each of the other. 

There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in asingle night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabitwith his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was anabnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon whowould have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, forseven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He wasalso abnormal. 

Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a verycommon practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except foreach couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds ofcommon sense and true temperance. 

There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or bytemperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their actsof coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twicea month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on theirvitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost everycase. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they"see stars, " and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severelydebilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night afterengaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or twoafterwards. 

Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergosimilar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care shouldbe taken never to reach the point of excess. 

It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in thisregard, especially so if the difference between the two is of apronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous andvirile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to anyconsiderable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, the best should be made of the situation, the more robust partyaccommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability ofthe other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done tostrengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _thechances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will growmore and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weakerone more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, andonly the best results trill come of it all_. 

Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic, " that is, they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Manyphysicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _whoare reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engagein coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reachthe orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldomsecrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, ortheir motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers, and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to beregretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause. 

It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted asthus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married lifewholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in thisregard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives arenot properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACTIS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabitslike a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own_lust_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fairchance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyondtelling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on thepart of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mentalattitude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TOBOTH. 

But if almost any woman will get the _right mental attitude_ towardsex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in thesepages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is_really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against"such a condition, try "courting, " as herewith laid down, _in a propermood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt ofit_. 

On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of hisever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to onethat he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may bea "good man, " in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in thefull meaning of that word. 

On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, orposition, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything butlove_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deservesto! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She maybe a "good woman, " but she can never be a good _wife_. 

The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organscan function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned. And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends onthe individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of theindividual during the years of active life will persist, even toold age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is nofunction of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, andever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treatedrightly. 

And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, _if deniedall functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detrimentof the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual_. The body willbecome "dried up, " the sex organs shriveled, and a correspondingshrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, isvery apt to follow. 

On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprivethe individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in hiscomparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescenceentirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or fromtoo frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunateconditions are liable to arise. However, for reasons that have alreadybeen stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronouncedamorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercisewithout suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should soindulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wearthe life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can anabnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife. 

But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared forduring the years of active life, neither too much restrained or tooprofusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs willremain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers andsensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leadsto a conclusion, as follows:--

This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning, even to old age, is the _supreme_ proof of the fact that sex, in thehuman family, _serves a purpose other than reproduction_!

For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the"turn of life, " when her menses cease, that is, when she is betweenforty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves onlyto induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing theprobability of her becoming pregnant, if this is the _sole_ purposeof desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure, _ought tocease_ at that period of feminine life. _But this is by no means thecase_! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually, and has neither abusedher sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman, she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score andten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engagein the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is wellcourted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are stillhers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is trueof her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abusedhimself or been abused. 

This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big premium onrighteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, _it is a proof, beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is somethingmore than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love, and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband andwife, in their early married life_. 

X

CLEANLINESS

It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many experiences ofhusbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, that both partiesshould take great pains to keep their bodies, all parts of them, always sweet and clean. Strange as it may seem, many wives areexceedingly careless in this respect! It is a matter of common reportamong men, that harlots take more pains to make and keep their bodies, and especially their genitals, clean and attractive, than many wivesdo! Surely, this ought not to be so, and yet it often is. 

And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that springs fromthe feeling of "Oh, we are married now. " The wife or the husband feelsthat there is no longer any need of wooing each other. All of whichleads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep her whole body so sweetand clean that her husband can kiss her from top to toe, if he wantsto--and the chances are that he will want to, if she so keeps herself!In the one case, such a caress is a bit of heaven to a husband, in theother it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight. And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married lifehas come!

The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water beforeretiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the morning, afterurination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts before union takesplace. Let her be _ever_ mindful to keep her "love cup" worthy to meetits lover. 

And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body sweet andclean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with soap and water, at least once every day, drawing the foreskin back so as to fullycleanse the indenture above the gland, which secretes a substance thatvery soon emits an offensive odor unless removed. Both parties shouldkeep their arm pits so that they will not be "smelly, " and the feetshould likewise be kept inodorous. 

One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is that itspoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife, whereas itshould be most attractive. In a word, both the husband and wifecannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and keeping their bodiesmutually attractive. As has already been said, the sole aim of allthe sexual experience of a husband and wife should be to raisethe function more and more _away_ from the plane of _physical_gratification and elevate it continually towards the realm of _mental_and _spiritual delight_. This is a mission of sex in the human familythat should be made the most of. It involves the cultivation of theArt of Love, which is truly the art of arts, par excellence. 

The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sexrelations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man, that_all his actions should be those of a loving gentleman_. This doesnot mean effeminacy on his part--he must be virile, bold, strong, aggressive, positive, _compelling_. And yet, all these manly virtuesmust be expressed in terms of _loving and gentle_ ACTS. This is aparadox, but it is true!

On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for herto attain a _correct mental and spiritual attitude toward herown sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their commonexpression_. All her training and environment now hinder her from suchachievement; but if she be a true woman, her nature will reveal thetruth to her, and if she will trust to that--do what that prompts herto do, she will come out all right. It will take time to reach suchresults; but if she will persist, she will succeed. Let her cometo the realization of the fact that sex in men and women is _not_unclean, vulgar, lowdown, sinful; but that it is _clean, pure, lofty_, GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being ofboth the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical, mentaland spiritual noblest and best. Let the wife get this view ofthe situation, which is the only true view, and then let her actaccordingly, and she will have attained. A husband and wife who havereached this _modus vivendi_ have established a heaven on earth. 

EDITOR'S NOTE

Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly understoodby the readers of this book. Since it is practically impossible toconduct exact scientific tests under strict control (the reason forwhich can be readily understood) there is much difference of opinionamong physicians and sexologists on this subject. 

Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time. " Others agree with Dr. Long that there is a period of "Free Time. " Still a third grouptake the conservative viewpoint that further proof is necessary. Thepublishers offer this explanation as a necessary comment. 

XI

PREGNANCY

And now just a few words about having children, and this treatise willend. 

As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are wellenough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished with thisworld's goods, ought to have and rear at least two children. The worldneeds at least so many, even if all children lived and grew up, tokeep up the constant number of people on the earth. But, far more thanthis, the husband and wife need children _to make a home complete, anda complete home is the supreme attainment of human life!_

This does not mean that people should not marry unless they can havechildren; there are many women who should never even try to becomemothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual joys for thisreason. On the contrary, it is for their best good, in most cases, that they should marry and so live normal sex lives, in all respectsexcept parenthood. 

But, for the most part, husbands and wives _can_ have children, ifthey so desire, _and they_ SHOULD _so desire_. 

And, so desiring, the question is, How can they best fulfil suchdesire?

As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known aboutthe begetting of children, and the securing of the best results fromsuch action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet, for the mostpart, unknown. But common sense would seem to indicate a few thingsthat must be best in the premises. 

Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and wifeshould be in good physical condition when a child is begotten. Morethan this, it would seem right that the act of begetting should be a_deliberate_, and not a mere _chance_ begetting. Hence, in general, it is well for the husband and wife to _agree_ upon a time for thebegetting of a child, and _deliberately accomplish a sex-meetingfor such purpose_. Although, one instinctively feels that such adeliberate meeting might be too matter of fact--too cold and formal, lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the probabilitiesare that even this could be overcome, if kept in mind and "providedfor. "

Referring to the things that have already been said, of course anembrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the mostperfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in an ecstasyof love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls and bodies intoa perfect oneness--it would seem that from such a meeting the best, and only the best results could come. 

And so if the husband and wife will agree that from a given timeon, they will cease to have a care to prevent conception; and then, sometime _immediately following the fifth day after the beginning ofthe menstrual flow_, they will naturally meet in a _perfect embrace_, the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible tosecure the highest attainable results from the act of begetting achild. 

As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the _fifth_and the _tenth_ day after the beginning of the menstrual flow. It issometimes best, however, to make the meeting earlier than this, evenbefore the flow has ceased. Some women will conceive then who cannotdo so at any other time. And so, if a wife should be unable toconceive between the fifth and the tenth day, as noted, let an earlierdate be tried. If this should fail, consult a reliable physician. 

It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children _too long_, is very apt to result in the sterility of the wife. Many a young wife, who has really wanted to have children _sometime_, and who would begreatly grieved if she thought she could _not_ bear a child, has keptputting it off, and has done this _so often_, and for _so long_, that, when the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinnedaway her day of grace. "

Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much later thantwo years after marriage. There are, of course, exceptions to this, but it is a good rule to go by. 

_Have your children when you are young_! This is common sense, it comes out best in the long run, and is the best thing to do, ninety-nine times in a hundred. Then, you are nearer the age of yourchildren as they grow up than if you waited till you were in the latethirties before the children came. If your son or daughter is onlytwenty-some years younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them. If you are forty years old when they are born, you will always be "oldfolks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far betterso. 

If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife consulta good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the parties is toblame--or even otherwise, make the best of the situation, love eachother, and make the most of wedded life with what is left. 

Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times better with)make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the human family, whatmarried life is for--to make a home. Nearly all that makes a homeis centered around sex. No two normal _men_ can make a home! No twonormal _women_ can make a home! _It takes a man and a woman to makea home. It takes father, mother and children to make the most perfecthome. Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do yourutmost to reach that goal_!

The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands andwives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during pregnancy. On this point authorities differ, though most of them hold againstsuch practice. The reasons they give for such adverse decision are allbased on the same old infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man isa mere animal, and so is subject to the laws and practices of mereanimality. This is the worst outrage ever perfected by a falsephilosophy, which is heralded as the will of God. Out on it, altogether!

The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have _mastered theArt of Love_, so that they _mutually desire each other, and both longfor sex exercise during the gestation period_, it is _perfectly right_and WISE for them to satisfy their _natural_ COMMON wishes. 

Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken notto press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in thisregard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by theprospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of anorgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently againsther husband, and so possible harm might result. Especially if thehusband-superior position is taken during the act, he should be doublycareful not to permit the weight of his body to rest upon the enlargedpart of the wife's anatomy, not in the least. 

Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is, the womanon her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below hers, so thatthere is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen, which is perfectlyfree, in this position. In this position, the act may be engaged in, during pregnancy, as often as mutually desired, to the benefit of bothparties. 

Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during the periodof gestation. This is especially the case when the wife is happy inher condition, when she rejoices with exceeding great joy that she ison the way to experience the divine crown of wifehood--maternity! Whensuch a woman desires her husband in love's embrace, it is cruel todeprive her of her longed-for delight. 

Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to remainso, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she meetsher husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play, therebymissing the utmost delights of an embrace--but if she be pregnant, and so has no fear on this score, she can give herself up to utterabandonment to her impulses. 

On this point, the final word is, use _common sense_, in a _spirit ofabsolute_ MUTUALITY. 

It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a crime, for a husband to _compel_ his wife to engage in coitus duringpregnancy, against her will. On the other hand, many a wife has firstexperienced an orgasm when meeting her husband during pregnancy. Thereason for this is that her fear of becoming pregnant is not thenpresent--a condition which has before kept her from the climax. 

It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and delighther husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she will relievehim with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in mutual relief bythis means during pregnancy. 

XII

CONCLUSION

In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in opening, thatno apology is offered for what has been written or said herewith. Allhas been set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet tobe, _in the hope of helping them on towards a divine consummation_. 

As a final direction _Master the Art of Love_, which is _the divinestart in all the world; then study, and do your best to master theScience of Procreation_. It is these two, the Art of Love and theScience of Procreation, that, together, make married life a success. Without these, or, surely, without the first, there can be no suchthing as true marriage. Hence, this is the _first_ to learn, tomaster. It is worthy of the most careful study, the most faithfulexperiment. 

It is right for people who never can have children to marry, and toshare with each other mutual sex delights. It is far better fora husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to havechildren--and a home. 

Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of thissentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if, out of suchlove exchanges children are begotten and born, and a perfect home isestablished, then married life is worth living. God has joined suchtogether and nothing can put them asunder. 

 * * * * *

This volume is not something to be read once, and then put aside andforgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon, read again andagain, especially by those who have difficulties in married life toovercome. And for _all_ young married people, it should be a sortof Guide to Happiness that should be frequently consulted and itsdirections "tried out" and followed to the limit. 

The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor the wifecan be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself, on the partof either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow. There can be notrue marriage under such circumstances, because there is no supremacyin true love, and it is only true love that can make an abiding truemarriage. In true marriage, such as both God and Nature design shouldbe, there is perfect comradery, equals walking with equals, with theprinciple of love and mutual helpfulness shared alike by both. Letno reader of this book forget these primal facts, or fail to act inaccordance with them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven!

[Advertisement]

#WOMAN: HER SEX and LOVE LIFE#

By Dr. William J. Robinson

416 Pages

Cloth

$3. 00

No matter what books you have read on sex information, no matterwhat question is agitating your mind, the information given in thiswonderful book will solve your problem. Dr. Robinson not only gives afull treatise on the delicate formation of woman's wonderful body, buthe also explains the changes which follow the intimate experiencesof her sexual life. Men as well as women must know what these changesare. No one, married or single, can afford to be ignorant of theknowledge contained in this wonderful book. One woman writes: "Woman:Her Sex and Love Life has been a life saver to me. It has prevented aserious error that would have been a blot upon my life. "

A FEW OF THE 53 CHAPTERS

Reasons why a misstep in a girl is more serious than in a boy

Sex knowledge of paramount importance to girls and women

The wife's attitude toward the marital relations

The female sex organs

The sex instinct

How to keep a husband's love

Who may and may not marry

Advice to girls approaching womanhood

Illegitimate motherhood

Advice to parents of unfortunate girls

What is love?

Late marriages and chastity in men

Harmful advice to young women

Birth control

Regarding flirtation

What a girl has a right to demand of her future husband

Advice to the married or those about to be

Importance of first few weeks of married life

Infatuation mistaken for love

Woman as man's chattel

Advice to the wife of the flirtatious man

The place love occupies in woman's life

Abortion and miscarriage

Three venereal diseases

Measures for prevention after sexual relations

Marital relations and frigid woman

The girl who lost her virginity

Treatment of sterility

Justifiable innocent deception

ORDER YOUR COPY of this important and valuable book at once. You willnever regret it. Certain single chapters are alone worth the priceasked for the entire book. 

[Advertisement]

#SEXUAL TRUTHS#

Dr. Wm. J. Robinson, Editor

400 Pages

Cloth

NOW ONLY $3. 00

This is one of the most unique books ever printed. Its value cannotbe judged simply from this brief description. You must read it, becomefamiliar with it, before you can understand why so many of itsreaders tell us that it is one of the few books they refuse to lendanybody--because they always want it available. 

"Sexual Truths" comes as an answer to the repeated requests from sane, sensible people for the honest, straightforward information aboutsex which they cannot find elsewhere. In this book the full light ofscientific reason penetrates every corner of the sex question. Thephysical misery and the mental torture caused by false teachings arebanished. Get a copy of this fascinating and daring book. Learn whatthe greatest Sexologists have to say about this great question oflife. Read the apt and brilliant comments of Dr. Robinson. 

One of the most valuable chapters of this remarkable book is thatwhich contains a reprint of a famous letter by Benjamin Franklin, known as "Advice to a Young Man on Choosing a Mistress. " Few peopleare aware that this letter exists. The United States Government issaid to have paid $30, 000 for the original. This Secret FranklinLetter, in the estimation of many people, is alone worth the price ofthe entire book. 

#Partial Table of Contents#

Misalliances and unhappy marriages: an important but never referred tocause

Sexual abstinence and nervousness

Coitus interruptus as cause of nervous disease

Sexual hypochondria and morbid scrupulousness

Double standard of morality

Continence in the two sexes

Is it really impossible to make prostitution harmless?

A problem in sexual ethics

Eugenics, sexual sin, ignorance, and superstition

Is Platonic love normal?

Female sex instinct in relation to morality

Regulation of offspring and sexual morality

Coitus and nightmares

Distinctions between male and female sex instinct

Death during sexual intercourse

False accusation of rape

Strikes against marriage in ancient times

Remarkable experiment in venereal prophylaxis

Effects of masturbation; a genuine human document

A remarkable letter by Benjamin Franklin

[Advertisement]

#LOVE#

_A Treatise on the Science of Sex Attraction_

By Bernard S. Talmey, M. D. 

512 Pages

131 Illustrations

Cloth

_Formerly $5. 00_--NOW ONLY $3. 00

Because of the thoroughness and completeness of its contents and theminute details discussed in each chapter, the sale of this volumewas formerly restricted to physicians. Now, however, this unusuallyvaluable book has been made available to the general public; to thosethoughtful men and women who desire to know the real truths and theintimate details about sex and love. 

Partial Table of Contents

Love and civilization

Sex worship

Male internal sex organs

Female internal sex organs

Male external genitals

Female external genitals

Function of testicles, spermatogenesis, function of seminal vesicles, prostate, urethral glands, semen, erection, ejaculation, nervouscontrol, organism

Function of ovaries, ovum, menstruation, uterus, female ejaculation, function of vagina, of clitoris, course of the sexual act

Quality of pleasure, symptoms of pleasure, orgasm, symptoms ofafter-lust, intensity of libido, duration of copulation

Love and passion, development of individual love, characteristic ofthe ideal woman's love

Emotions of eros and libido in men and in women, difference in the twosexes, emotion of jealousy, woman's former love-affairs

Sexual desires in the old, in infants, causes of early masturbation

Impotence in male, satyriasis, nymphomania, continence and impotence, excesses in copulation, practice of withdrawal, four types ofimpotencies in males, female impotence, frigidity, sterility

Engagement rules, wedding day, positions of conjugation, sequels ofgreat frequency, pain of defloration, conjugation during menstruation, conjugation during pregnancy, preparation of the woman's muliebrain partial frigidity, offspring and sexual life, sterile time forconjugation

History of marriage, promiscuity, consanguineous family, femalechastity, adultery, female morality and reason

Prostitution, clandestine vice, injury of abstinence, ethics ofevolution

This volume has never been sold at any time for less than $5. 00. But, in order to insure its widespread introduction, we offer it at aspecial reduced price of only $3. 00.