[Illustration: "And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that canblame Serepta for wantin' her rights. "]

 SAMANTHA ON THE

 WOMAN QUESTION

 BY

 MARIETTA HOLLEY

 "Josiah Allen's Wife"

 Author of

 "Samantha at Saratoga, " "My Opinions" and "Betsey Bobbet's, " etc. 

CONTENTS

 I. "SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS"

 II. "THEY CAN'T BLAME HER"

 III. "POLLY'S EYES GROWED TENDER"

 IV. "STRIVIN' WITH THE EMISSARY"

 V. "HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE"

 VI. "CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH"

 VII. "NO HAMPERIN' HITCHIN' STRAPS"

VIII. "OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN'"

 IX. THE WOMEN'S PARADE

 X. "THE CREATION SEARCHIN' SOCIETY"

ILLUSTRATIONS

"AND I WONDER IF THERE'S A WOMAN IN THE LAND THAT CAN BLAME SEREPTA FORWANTIN' HER RIGHTS" (p. 29). Frontispiece

"I WANTED TO VISIT THE CAPITOL OF OUR COUNTRY.... SO WE LAID OUT TO GO"

"HE'D ENTERED POLITICAL LIFE WHERE THE BIBLE WUZN'T POPULAR; HE'D NEVERREAD FURTHER THAN GULLIVER'S EPISTLE TO THE LILIPUTIANS"

"SEZ JOSIAH, 'DOES THAT THING KNOW ENOUGH TO VOTE?'"

I

"SHE WANTED HER RIGHTS"

Lorinda Cagwin invited Josiah and me to a reunion of the Allen family ather home nigh Washington, D. C. , the birthplace of the first Allen we knowedanything about, and Josiah said:

"Bein' one of the best lookin' and influential Allens on earth now, itwould be expected on him to attend to it. "

And I fell in with the idee, partly to be done as I would be done by ifit wuz the relation on my side, and partly because by goin' I could hittwo birds with one stun, as the poet sez. Indeed, I could hit four on 'em. 

My own cousin, Diantha Trimble, lived in a city nigh Lorinda's and I hadpromised to visit her if I wuz ever nigh her, and help bear her burdens fora spell, of which burden more anon and bom-by. 

Diantha wuz one bird, the Reunion another, and the third bird I had in mymind's eye wuz the big outdoor meeting of the suffragists that wuz to beheld in the city where Diantha lived, only a little ways from Lorinda's. 

And the fourth bird and the biggest one I wuz aimin' to hit from this towerof ourn wuz Washington, D. C. I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country, the center of our great civilization that stands like the sun in the solarsystem, sendin' out beams of power and wisdom and law and order, andjustice and injustice, and money and oratory, and talk and talk, and windand everything, to the uttermost points of our vast possessions, and fromthem clear to the ends of the earth. I wanted to see it, I wanted to like adog. So we laid out to go. 

[Illustration: "I wanted to visit the Capitol of our country.... So welaid out to go. "]

Lorinda lived on the old Allen place, and I always sot store by her, andher girl, Polly, wuz, as Thomas J. Said, a peach. She had spent one of hercollege vacations with us, and a sweeter, prettier, brighter girl I don'twant to see. Her name is Pauline, but everybody calls her Polly. 

The Cagwins are rich, and Polly had every advantage money could give, and old Mom Nater gin her a lot of advantages money couldn't buy, beautyand intellect, a big generous heart and charm. And you know the Cagwinscouldn't bought that at no price. Charm in a girl is like the perfume in arose, and can't be bought or sold. And you can't handle or describe eitheron 'em exactly. But what a influence they have; how they lay holt of yourheart and fancy. 

Royal Gray, the young man who wuz payin' attention to her, stopped oncefor a day or two in Jonesville with Polly and her Ma on their way to theCagwins' camp in the Adirondacks. And we all liked him so well that weagreed in givin' him this extraordinary praise, we said he wuz worthy ofPolly, we knowed of course that wuz the highest enconium possible for us togive. 

Good lookin', smart as a whip, and deep, you could see that by lookin' intohis eyes, half laughin' and half serious eyes and kinder sad lookin' toounder the fun, as eyes must be in this world of ourn if they look back fur, or ahead much of any. A queer world this is, and kinder sad and mysterious, behind all the good and glory on't. 

He wuz jest out of Harvard school and as full of life and sperits as acolt let loose in a clover field. He went out in the hay field, he andPolly, and rode home on top of a load of hay jest as nateral and easy andbare-headed as if he wuz workin' for wages, and he the only son of amillionaire--we all took to him. 

Well, when the news got out that I wuz goin' to visit Washington, D. C. , allthe neighbors wanted to send errents by me. Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey wanted adozen Patent Office books for scrap books for her poetry. 

Uncle Nate Gowdey wanted me to go to the Agricultural Buro and git him apaper of lettuce seed. And Solomon Sypher wanted me to git him a new kindof string beans and some cowcumber seeds. 

Uncle Jarvis Bentley, who wuz goin' to paint his house, wanted me to askthe President what kind of paint he used on the White House. He thought itort to be a extra kind to stand the sharp glare that wuz beatin' down on itconstant, and to ask him if he didn't think the paint would last longer andthe glare be mollified some if they used pure white and clear ile in it, and left off whitewash and karseen. 

Ardelia Rumsey, who is goin' to be married, wanted me, if I see any newkinds of bedquilt patterns at the White House or the Senator's housen, togit patterns for 'em. She said she wuz sick of sun flowers and blazin'stars. She thought mebby they'd have sunthin' new, spread eagle style. Shesaid her feller wuz goin' to be connected with the Govermunt and shethought it would be appropriate. 

And I asked her how. And she said he wuz goin' to git a patent on a newkind of jack knife. 

I told her that if she wanted a govermunt quilt and wanted it appropriateshe ort to have a crazy quilt. 

And she said she had jest finished a crazy quilt with seven thousandpieces of silk in it, and each piece trimmed with seven hundred stitchesof feather stitchin'--she'd counted 'em. And then I remembered seein' it. There wuz a petition fer wimmen's rights and I remember Ardelia couldn'tsign it for lack of time. She wanted to, but she hadn't got the quilt morethan half done. It took the biggest heft of two years to do it. And so lessimportant things had to be put aside. 

And Ardelia's mother wanted to sign it, but she couldn't owin' to abed-spread she wuz makin'. She wuz quiltin' in Noah's Ark and all theanimals on a Turkey red quilt. I remember she wuz quiltin' the camel thatday and couldn't be disturbed, so we didn't git the names. It took the oldlady three years, and when it wuz done it wuz a sight to behold, though Iwouldn't want to sleep under so many animals. But folks went from fur andnear to see it, and I enjoyed lookin' at it that day. 

Zebulin Coon wanted me to carry a new hen coop of hisen to git patented. And I thought to myself I wonder if they will ask me to carry a cow. 

And sure enough Elnathan Purdy wanted me to dicker for a calf from MountVernon, swop one of his yearlin's for it. 

But the errents Serepta Pester sent wuz fur more hefty and momentous thanall the rest put together, calves, hen coop, cow and all. 

And when she told 'em over to me, and I meditated on her reasons forsendin' 'em and her need of havin' 'em done, I felt that I would do theerrents for her if a breath wuz left in my body. She come for a all day'svisit; and though she is a vegetable widow and humbly, I wuz middlin' gladto see her. But thinkses I as I carried her things into my bedroom, "She'llwant to send some errent by me"; and I wondered what it would be. 

And so it didn't surprise me when she asked me if I would lobby a littlefor her in Washington. I spozed it wuz some new kind of tattin' or fancywork. I told her I shouldn't have much time but would try to git her someif I could. 

And she said she wanted me to lobby myself. And then I thought mebby it wuza new kind of dance and told her, "I wuz too old to lobby, I hadn't lobbieda step since I wuz married. "

And then she explained she wanted me to canvas some of the Senators. 

And I hung back and asked her in a cautious tone, "How many she wantedcanvassed, and how much canvas it would take?"

I had a good many things to buy for my tower, and though I wanted toobleege Serepta, I didn't feel like runnin' into any great expense forcanvas. 

And then she broke off from that subject, and said she wanted her rightsand wanted the Whiskey Ring broke up. 

And she talked a sight about her children, and how bad she felt to beparted from 'em, and how she used to worship her husband and how herhull life wuz ruined and the Whiskey Ring had done it, that and wimmen'shelpless condition under the law and she cried and wep' and I did. Andright while I wuz cryin' onto that gingham apron, she made me promise tocarry them two errents of hern to the President and git 'em done for her ifI possibly could. 

She wanted the Whiskey Ring destroyed and her rights, and she wanted 'emboth inside of two weeks. 

I told her I didn't believe she could git 'em done inside that length oftime, but I would tell the President about it, and I thought more'n likelyas not he would want to do right by her. "And, " sez I, "if he sets out to, he can haul them babies of yourn out of that Ring pretty sudden. "

And then to git her mind offen her sufferin's, I asked how her sister Azubawuz gittin' along? I hadn't heard from her for years. She married PhilemanClapsaddle, and Serepty spoke out as bitter as a bitter walnut, and sezshe:

"She's in the poor-house. "

"Why, Serepta Pester!" sez I, "what do you mean?"

"I mean what I say, my sister, Azuba Clapsaddle, is in the poor-house. "

"Why, where is their property gone?" sez I. "They wuz well off. Azuba hadfive thousand dollars of her own when she married him. "

"I know it, " sez she, "and I can tell you, Josiah Alien's wife, where theirproperty has gone, it has gone down Phileman Clapsaddle's throat. Look downthat man's throat and you will see 150 acres of land, a good house andbarn, twenty sheep and forty head of cattle. "

"Why-ee!" sez I. 

"Yes, and you'll see four mules, a span of horses, two buggies, a doublesleigh, and three buffalo robes. He's drinked 'em all up, and two horserakes, a cultivator, and a thrashin' machine. "

"Why-ee!" sez I agin. "And where are the children?"

"The boys have inherited their father's habits and drink as bad as he duzand the oldest girl has gone to the bad. "

"Oh dear! oh dear me!" sez I, and we both sot silent for a spell. And thenthinkin' I must say sunthin' and wantin' to strike a safe subject and agood lookin' one, I sez:

"Where is your Aunt Cassandra's girl? That pretty girl I see to your houseonce?"

"That girl is in the lunatick asylum. "

"Serepta Pester, " sez I, "be you tellin' the truth?"

"Yes, I be, the livin' truth. She went to New York to buy millinery goodsfor her mother's store. It wuz quite cool when she left home and she hadn'ttook off her winter clothes, and it come on brilin' hot in the city, and ingoin' about from store to store the heat and hard work overcome her and shefell down in a sort of faintin' fit and wuz called drunk and dragged off toa police court by a man who wuz a animal in human shape. And he misused herin such a way that she never got over the horror of what befell her whenshe come to to find herself at the mercy of a brute in a man's shape. Shewent into a melancholy madness and wuz sent to the asylum. "

I sithed a long and mournful sithe and sot silent agin for quite a spell. But thinkin' I must be sociable I sez:

"Your aunt Cassandra is well, I spoze?"

"She is moulderin' in jail, " sez she. 

"In jail? Cassandra in jail!"

"Yes, in jail. " And Serepta's tone wuz now like worm-wood and gall. 

"You know she owns a big property in tenement houses and other buildingswhere she lives. Of course her taxes wuz awful high, and she didn't expectto have any voice in tellin' how that money, a part of her own propertythat she earned herself in a store, should be used. But she had beentaxed high for new sidewalks in front of some of her buildin's. And thenanother man come into power in that ward, and he naterally wanted to makesome money out of her, so he ordered her to build new sidewalks. And shewouldn't tear up a good sidewalk to please him or anybody else, so she wuzput to jail for refusin' to comply with the law. "

Thinkses I, I don't believe the law would have been so hard on her if shehadn't been so humbly. The Pesters are a humbly lot. But I didn't think itout loud, and didn't ophold the law for feelin' so. I sez in pityin' tones, for I wuz truly sorry for Cassandra Keeler:

"How did it end?"

"It hain't ended, " sez she, "it only took place a month ago and she has gother grit up and won't pay; and no knowin' how it will end; she lays thereamoulderin'. "

I don't believe Cassanda wuz mouldy, but that is Serepta's way of talkin', very flowery. 

"Well, " sez I, "do you think the weather is goin' to moderate?"

I truly felt that I dassent speak to her about any human bein' under thesun, not knowin' what turn she would give to the talk, bein' so embittered. But I felt that the weather wuz safe, and cotton stockin's, and hens, andfactory cloth, and I kep' her down on them for more'n two hours. 

But good land! I can't blame her for bein' embittered agin men and the lawsthey've made, for it seems as if I never see a human creeter so afflictedas Serepta Pester has been all her life. 

Why, her sufferin's date back before she wuz born, and that's goin' prettyfur back. Her father and mother had some difficulty and he wuz took downwith billerous colick, voylent four weeks before Serepta wuz born. And somethink it wuz the hardness between 'em and some think it wuz the gripin' ofthe colick when he made his will, anyway he willed Serepta away, boy orgirl whichever it wuz, to his brother up on the Canada line. 

So when Serepta wuz born (and born a girl ontirely onbeknown to her) shewuz took right away from her mother and gin to this brother. Her mothercouldn't help herself, he had the law on his side. But it killed her. She drooped away and died before the baby wuz a year old. She wuz aaffectionate, tenderhearted woman and her husband wuz overbearin' andstern always. 

But it wuz this last move of hisen that killed her, for it is pretty toughon a mother to have her baby, a part of her own life, took right out ofher own arms and gin to a stranger. For this uncle of hern wuz a entirestranger to Serepta, and almost like a stranger to her father, for hehadn't seen him since he wuz a boy, but knew he hadn't any children andspozed that he wuz rich and respectable. But the truth wuz he had beenrunnin' down every way, had lost his property and his character, wuzdissipated and mean. But the will wuz made and the law stood. Men areashamed now to think that the law wuz ever in voge, but it wuz, and is nowin some of the states, and the poor young mother couldn't help herself. Ithas always been the boast of our American law that it takes care of wimmen. It took care of her. It held her in its strong protectin' grasp so tightthat the only way she could slip out of it wuz to drop into the grave, which she did in a few months. Then it leggo. 

But it kep' holt of Serepta, it bound her tight to her uncle while he runthrough with what property she had, while he sunk lower and lower until atlast he needed the very necessaries of life and then he bound her out towork to a woman who kep' a drinkin' den and the lowest hant of vice. 

Twice Serepta run away, bein' virtuous but humbly, but them strongprotectin' arms of the law that had held her mother so tight reached outand dragged her back agin. Upheld by them her uncle could compel her togive her service wherever he wanted her to work, and he wuz owin' thiswoman and she wanted Serepta's work, so she had to submit. 

But the third time she made a effort so voyalent that she got away. Agood woman, who bein' nothin' but a woman couldn't do anything towardsonclinchin' them powerful arms that wuz protectin' her, helped her to slipthrough 'em. And Serepta come to Jonesville to live with a sister of thatgood woman; changed her name so's it wouldn't be so easy to find her; grewup to be a nice industrious girl. And when the woman she wuz took by diedshe left Serepta quite a handsome property. 

And finally she married Lank Burpee, and did considerable well it wuzspozed. Her property, put with what little he had, made 'em a comfortablehome and they had two pretty children, a boy and a girl. But when thelittle girl wuz a baby he took to drinkin', neglected his bizness, gotmixed up with a whiskey ring, whipped Serepta--not so very hard. He wentaccordin' to law, and the law of the United States don't approve of a man'swhippin' his wife enough to endanger her life, it sez it don't. He madeevery move of hisen lawful and felt that Serepta hadn't ort to complainand feel hurt. But a good whippin' will make anybody feel hurt, law or nolaw. And then he parted with her and got her property and her two littlechildren. Why, it seemed as if everything under the sun and moon, thatcould happen to a woman, had happened to Serepta, painful things andgauldin'. 

Jest before Lank parted with her, she fell on a broken sidewalk: somethink he tripped her up, but it never wuz proved. But anyway Serepta felland broke her hip hone; and her husband sued the corporation and got tenthousand dollars for it. Of course the law give the money to him and shenever got a cent of it. But she wouldn't have made any fuss over that, knowin' that the law of the United States wuz such. But what made it soawful mortifyin' to her wuz, that while she wuz layin' there achin' insplints, he took that very money and used it to court up another womanwith. Gin her presents, jewelry, bunnets, head-dresses, artificial flowersout of Serepta's own hip money. 

And I don't know as anything could be much more gauldin' to a woman thanthat--while she lay there groanin' in splints, to have her husband take themoney for her own broken bones and dress up another woman like a doll withit. 

But the law gin it to him, and he wuz only availin' himself of the gloriousliberty of our free Republic, and doin' as he wuz a mind to. And it wuzspozed that that very hip money wuz what made the match. For before she wuzfairly out of splints he got a divorce from her and married agin. And bythe help of Serepta's hip money and the Whiskey Ring he got her two littlechildren away from her. 

II

"THEY CAN'T BLAME HER"

And I wonder if there is a woman in the land that can blame Serepta forgittin' mad and wantin' her rights and wantin' the Whiskey Ring broke up, when they think how she's been fooled round with by men; willed away, andwhipped, and parted with, and stole from. Why, they can't blame her forfeelin' fairly savage about 'em, as she duz. 

For as she sez to me once, when we wuz talkin' it over, how everything hadhappened to her. "Yes, " sez she, with a axent like bone-set and vinegar, "and what few things hain't happened to me has happened to my folks. "

And sure enough I couldn't dispute her. Trouble and wrongs and sufferin'sseemed to be epidemic in the race of Pester wimmen. Why, one of her auntson her father's side, Huldah Pester, married for her first husband, Eliphelet Perkins. He wuz a minister, rode on a circuit, and he took Huldahon it too, and she rode round with him on it a good deal of the time. Butshe never loved to, she wuz a woman that loved to be still, and kindersettled down at home. 

But she loved Eliphelet so well that she would do anything to please him, so she rode round with him on that circuit till she wuz perfectly faggedout. 

He wuz a dretful good man to her, but he wuz kinder poor and they had hardtimes to git along. But what property they had wuzn't taxed, so that helpedsome, and Huldah would make one dollar go a good ways. 

No, their property wuzn't taxed till Eliphelet died. Then the supervisortaxed it the very minute the breath left his body; run his horse, so it wuzsaid, so's to be sure to git it onto the tax list, and comply with the law. 

You see Eliphelet's salary stopped when his breath did. And I spoze thelaw thought, seein' she wuz havin' trouble, she might jest as well have alittle more; so it taxed all the property it never had taxed a cent forbefore. 

But she had this to console her that the law didn't forgit her in herwidowhood. No; the law is quite thoughtful of wimmen by spells. It sez itprotects wimmen. And I spoze that in some mysterious way, too deep forwimmen to understand, it wuz protectin' her now. 

Well, she suffered along and finally married agin. I wondered why she did. But she wuz such a quiet, home-lovin' woman that it wuz spozed she wantedto settle down and be kinder still and sot. But of all the bad luck shehad. She married on short acquaintance, and he proved to be a perfectwanderer. He couldn't keep still, it wuz spozed to be a mark. 

He moved Huldah thirteen times in two years, and at last he took her intoa cart, a sort of covered wagon, and traveled right through the westernstates with her. He wanted to see the country and loved to live in thewagon, it wuz his make. And, of course, the law give him control of herbody, and she had to go where he moved it, or else part with him. AndI spoze the law thought it wuz guardin' and nourishin' her when it wuzjoltin' her over them prairies and mountains and abysses. But it jest kep'her shook up the hull of the time. 

It wuz the regular Pester luck. 

And then another of her aunts, Drusilly Pester, married a industrious, hard-workin' man, one that never drinked, wuz sound on the doctrines, andgive good measure to his customers, he wuz a groceryman. And a master handfor wantin' to foller the laws of his country as tight as laws could befollered. And so knowin' that the law approved of moderate correction forwimmen, and that "a man might whip his wife, but not enough to endanger herlife"; he bein' such a master hand for wantin' to do everything faithfuland do his very best for his customers, it wuz spozed he wanted to do thebest for the law, and so when he got to whippin' Drusilly, he would whipher too severe, he would be too faithful to it. 

You see what made him whip her at all wuz she wuz cross to him. They hadnine little children, she thought two or three children would be about allone woman could bring up well by hand, when that hand wuz so stiff and sorewith hard work. 

But he had read some scareful talk from high quarters about Race Suicide. Some men do git real wrought up about it and want everybody to have all thechildren they can, jest as fast as they can, though wimmen don't all feelso. 

Aunt Hetty Sidman said, "If men had to born 'em and nuss 'em themselves, she didn't spoze they would be so enthusiastick about it after they hadhad a few, 'specially if they done their own housework themselves, " andAunt Hetty said that some of the men who wuz exhortin' wimmen to have bigfamilies, had better spend some of their strength and wind in tryin' tomake this world a safer place for children to be born into. 

She said they'd be better off in Nonentity than here in this world withsaloons on every corner, and war-dogs howlin' at 'em. 

I don't know exactly what she meant by Nonentity, but guess she meant theworld we all stay in, before we are born into this one. 

Aunt Hetty has lost five boys, two by battle and three by licensed saloons, that makes her talk real bitter, but to resoom. I told Josiah that menneedn't worry about Race Suicide, for you might as well try to stop a henfrom makin' a nest, as to stop wimmen from wantin' a baby to love and holdon her heart. But sez I, "Folks ort to be moderate and mejum in babies aswell as in everything else. "

But Drusilly's husband wanted twelve boys he said, to be law-abidin'citizens as their Pa wuz, and a protection to the Govermunt, and to beready to man the new warships, if a war broke out. But her babies wuzreal pretty and cunning, and she wuz so weak-minded she couldn't enjoythe thought that if our male statesmen got to scrappin' with some othernation's male law-makers and made another war, of havin' her grown-upbabies face the cannons. I spoze it wuz when she wuz so awful tired shefelt so. 

You see she had to do every mite of her housework, and milk cows, and makebutter and cheese, and cook and wash and scour, and take all the care ofthe children day and night in sickness and health, and make their clothesand keep 'em clean. And when there wuz so many of 'em and she enjoyin' realpoor health, I spoze she sometimes thought more of her own achin' back thanshe did of the good of the Govermunt--and she would git kinder discouragedsometimes and be cross to him. And knowin' his own motives wuz so high andloyal, he felt that he ort to whip her, so he did. 

And what shows that Drusilly wuzn't so bad after all and did have her goodstreaks and a deep reverence for the law is, that she stood his whippin'sfirst-rate, and never whipped him. Now she wuz fur bigger than he wuz, weighed eighty pounds the most, and might have whipped him if the law hadbeen such. But they wuz both law-abidin' and wanted to keep every preamble, so she stood it to be whipped, and never once whipped him in all theseventeen years they lived together. She died when her twelfth child wuzborn. There wuz jest ten months difference between that and the one nextolder. And they said she often spoke out in her last sickness, and said, "Thank fortune, I've always kep' the law!" And they said the same thoughtwuz a great comfort to him in his last moments. He died about a year aftershe did, leavin' his second wife with twins and a good property. 

Then there wuz Abagail Pester. She married a sort of a high-headed man, though one that paid his debts, wuz truthful, good lookin', and played wellon the fiddle. Why, it seemed as if he had almost every qualification formakin' a woman happy, only he had this one little eccentricity, he wouldlock up Abagail's clothes every time he got mad at her. 

Of course the law give her clothes to him, and knowin' that it wuz thelaw in the state where they lived, she wouldn't have complained only whenthey had company. But it wuz mortifyin', nobody could dispute it, to havecompany come and have nothin' to put on. Several times she had to withdrawinto the woodhouse, and stay most all day there shiverin', and under thesuller stairs and round in clothes presses. But he boasted in prayermeetin's and on boxes before grocery stores that he wuz a law-abidin'citizen, and he wuz. Eben Flanders wouldn't lie for anybody. 

But I'll bet Abagail Flanders beat our old revolutionary four-mothers inthinkin' out new laws, when she lay round under stairs and behind barrelsin her night-gown. When a man hides his wife's stockin's and petticoatsit is governin' without the consent of the governed. If you don't believeit you'd ort to peeked round them barrels and seen Abagail's eyes, theyhad hull reams of by-laws in 'em and preambles, and Declarations ofIndependence, so I've been told. But it beat everything I ever hearn on, the lawful sufferin's of them wimmen. For there wuzn't nothin' illegalabout one single trouble of theirn. They suffered accordin' to law, everyone on 'em. But it wuz tuff for 'em, very tuff. And their bein' so dretfulhumbly wuz another drawback to 'em, though that too wuz perfectly lawful, as everybody knows. 

And Serepta looked as bad agin as she would otherwise on account of herteeth. It wuz after Lank had begun to git after this other woman, and wuzindifferent to his wife's looks that Serepta had a new set of teeth on herupper jaw. And they sot out and made her look so bad it fairly made herache to look at herself in the glass. And they hurt her gooms too, and shecarried 'em back to the dentist and wanted him to make her another set, buthe acted mean and wouldn't take 'em back, and sued Lank for the pay. Andthey had a law-suit. And the law bein' such that a woman can't testify incourt, in any matter that is of mutual interest to husband and wife, andLank wantin' to act mean, said that they wuz good sound teeth. 

And there Serepta sot right in front of 'em with her gooms achin' and herface all swelled out, and lookin' like furiation, and couldn't say a word. But she had to give in to the law. And ruther than go toothless she wears'em to this day, and I believe it is the raspin' of them teeth aginst hergooms and her discouraged, mad feelin's every time she looks in the glassthat helps embitter her towards men, and the laws men have made, so's awoman can't have control of her own teeth and her own bones. 

Serepta went home about 5 P. M. , I promisin' sacred to do her errents forher. 

And I gin a deep, happy sithe after I shot the door behind her, and I sezto Josiah I do hope that's the very last errent we will have to carry toWashington, D. C. , for the Jonesvillians. 

"Yes, " says he, "an' I guess I will get a fresh pail of water and hang onthe tea kettle for you. "

"And, " I says, "it's pretty early for supper, but I'll start it, for I dofeel kinder gone to the stomach. Sympathy is real exhaustin'. Sometimes Ithink it tires me more'n hard work. And Heaven knows I sympathized withSerepta. I felt for her full as much as if she was one of the relations on_his_ side. "

But if you'll believe it, I had hardly got the words out of my mouth andJosiah had jest laid holt of the water pail, when in comes PhilanderDagget, the President of the Jonesville Creation Searchin' Society and, ofcourse, he had a job for us to do on our tower. This Society was startedby the leadin' men of Jonesville, for the purpose of searchin' out andcriticizin' the affairs of the world, an' so far as possible advisin' andcorrectin' the meanderin's an' wrong-doin's of the universe. 

This Society, which we call the C. S. S. For short, has been ruther quiet foryears. But sence woman's suffrage has got to be such a prominent question, they bein' so bitterly opposed to it, have reorganized and meet every oncein a while, to sneer at the suffragettes and poke fun at 'em and show inevery way they can their hitter antipathy to the cause. 

Philander told me if I see anything new and strikin' in the way of Societybadges and regalia, to let him know about it, for he said the C. S. S. Wasgoin' to take a decided stand and show their colors. They wuz goin' tohelp protect his women endangered sect, an' he wanted sunthin' showy andsuggestive. 

I thought of a number of badges and mottoes that I felt would be suitablefor this Society, but dassent tell 'em to him, for his idees and mine onthis subject are as fur apart as the two poles. He talked awful bitter tome once about it, and I sez to him:

"Philander, the world is full of good men, and there are also bad men inthe world, and, sez I, did you ever in your born days see a bad man thatwuzn't opposed to Woman's Suffrage? All the men who trade in, and profitby, the weakness and sin of men and women, they every one of 'em, toa man, fight agin it. And would they do this if they didn't think thattheir vile trades would suffer if women had the right to vote? It is thegreat-hearted, generous, noble man who wants women to become a real citizenwith himself--which she is not now--she is only a citizen just enough to betaxed equally with man, or more exhorbitantly, and be punished and executedby the law she has no hand in makin'. "

Philander sed, "I have always found it don't pay to talk with women onmatters they don't understand. "

An' he got up and started for the door, an' Josiah sed, "No, it don't pay, not a cent; I've always said so. "

But I told Philander I'd let him know if I see anything appropriate to theC. S. S. Holdin' back with a almost Herculaneum effort the mottoes andbadges that run through my mind as bein' appropriate to their society;knowin' it would make him so mad if I told him of 'em--he never wouldneighbor with us again. And in three days' time we sot sail. We got tothe depo about an hour too early, but I wuz glad we wuz on time, for itwould have worked Josiah up dretfully ef we hadn't been, for he had spentmost of the latter part of the night in gittin' up and walkin' out to theclock seein' if it wuz train time. Jest before we started, who should comerunnin' down to the depo but Sam Nugent wantin' to send a errent by me toWashington. He wunk me out to one side of the waitin' room, and ast "if I'dtry to git him a license to steal horses. "

It kinder runs in the blood of the Nugents to love to steal, and he ownedup it did, but he said he wanted the profit of it. But I told him Iwouldn't do any sech thing, an' I looked at him in such a witherin' waythat I should most probable withered him, only he is blind in one side, andI wuz on the blind side, but he argued with me, and said that it wuz noworse than to give licenses for other kinds of meanness. 

He said they give licenses now to steal--steal folkses senses away, andthen they could steal everything else, and murder and tear round into everykind of wickedness. But he didn't ask that. He wanted things done fair andsquare: he jest wanted to steal horses. He wuz goin' West, and he thoughthe could do a good bizness, and lay up somethin'. If he had a license heshouldn't be afraid of bein' shet up or shot. 

But I refused the job with scorn; and jest as I wuz refusin', the carssnorted, and I wuz glad they did. They seemed to express in that wild snortsomething of the indignation I felt. 

The idee!

III

"POLLY'S EYES CROWED TENDER"

Lorinda wuz dretful glad to see us and so wuz her husband and Polly. Butthe Reunion had to be put off on account of a spell her husband wuz havin'. Lorinda said she could not face such a big company as she'd invited whileHiram wuz havin' a spell, and I agreed with her. 

Sez I, "Never, never, would I have invited company whilst Josiah wuzsufferin' with one of his cricks. "

Men hain't patient under pain, and outsiders hain't no bizness to hearthings they say and tell on 'em. So Polly had to write to the relationsputtin' off the Reunion for one week. But Lorinda kep' on cookin' fruitcake and such that would keep, she had plenty of help, but loved to do hercompany cookin' herself. And seein' the Reunion wuz postponed and Lorindahad time on her hands, I proposed she should go with me to the big out-doormeetin' of the Suffragists, which wuz held in a nigh-by city. 

"Good land!" sez she, "nothin' would tempt me to patronize anything sobrazen and onwomanly as a out-door meetin' of wimmen, and so onhealthy andimmodest. " I see she looked reproachfully at Polly as she said it. Pollywuz arrangin' some posies in a vase, and looked as sweet as the posies did, but considerable firm too, and I see from Lorinda's looks that Polly wuzone who had to leave father and mother for principle's sake. 

But I sez, "You're cookin' this minute, Lorinda, for a out-door meetin'"(she wuz makin' angel cake). "And why is this meetin' any more onwomanly orimmodest than the camp-meetin' where you wuz converted, and baptized thenext Sunday in the creek?"

"Oh, them wuz religious meetin's, " sez she. 

"Well, " sez I, "mebby these wimmen think their meetin' is religious. Youknow the Bible sez, 'Faith and works should go together, ' and some of theleaders of this movement have showed by their works as religious a speritand wielded aginst injustice to young workin' wimmen as powerful a weeponas that axe of the 'Postles the Bible tells about. And you said you wentevery day to the Hudson-Fulton doin's and hearn every out-door lecture; youwrit me that there wuz probable a million wimmen attendin' them out-doormeetin's, and that wuz curosity and pleasure huntin' that took them, andthis is a meetin' of justice and right. "

"Oh, shaw!" sez Lorinda agin, with her eye on Polly. "Wimmen have all therights they want or need. " Lorinda's husband bein' rich and lettin' herhave her way she is real foot loose, and don't feel the need of any morerights for herself, but I told her then and there some of the wrongs andsufferin's of Serepta Pester, and bein' good-hearted (but obstinate andbigoted) she gin in that the errents wuz hefty, and that Serepta wuz to bepitied, but she insisted that wimmen's votin' wouldn't help matters. 

But Euphrasia Pottle, a poor relation from Troy, spoke up. "After myhusband died one of my girls went into a factory and gits about half whatthe men git for the same work, and my oldest girl who teaches in thepublic school don't git half as much for the same work as men do, and herschool rooms are dark, stuffy, onhealthy, and crowded so the children arehalf-choked for air, and the light so poor they're havin' their eyesightspilte for life, and new school books not needed at all, are demandedconstantly, so some-one can make money. "

"Yes, " sez I, "do you spoze, Lorinda, if intelligent mothers helped controlsuch things they would let their children be made sick and blind and themoney that should be used for food for poor hungry children be squanderedon _on_-necessary books they are too faint with hunger to study. "

"But wimmen's votin' wouldn't help in such things, " sez Lorinda, as shestirred her angel cake vigorously. 

But Euphrasia sez, "My niece, Ellen, teaches in a state where wimmen voteand she gits the same wages men git for the same work, and her school roomsare bright and pleasant and sanitary, and the pupils, of course, are welland happy. And if you don't think wimmen can help in such public mattersjust go to Seattle and see how quick a bad man wuz yanked out of his publicoffice and a good man put in his place, mostly by wimmen's efforts andvotes. "

"Yes, " sez I, "it is a proved fact that wimmen's votes do help in thesematters. And do you think, Lorinda, that if educated, motherly, thoughtfulwimmen helped make the laws so many little children would be allowed totoil in factories and mines, their tender shoulders bearin' the burden ofconstant labor that wears out the iron muscles of men?"

Polly's eyes growed tender and wistful, and her little white handslingered over her posies, and I knowed the hard lot of the poor, thewrongs of wimmen and children, the woes of humanity, wuz pressin' downon her generous young heart. And I could see in her sweet face the bravedetermination to do and to dare, to try to help ondo the wrongs, and try tolift the burdens from weak and achin' shoulders. But Lorinda kep' on withthe same old moth-eaten argument so broke down and feeble it ort to beallowed to die in peace. 

"Woman's suffrage would make women neglect their homes and housework andlet their children run loose into ruin. "

I knowed she said it partly on Polly's account, but I sez in surprise, "Why, Lorinda, it must be you hain't read up on the subject or you wouldknow wherever wimmen has voted they have looked out first of all for thechildren's welfare. They have raised the age of consent, have closedsaloons and other places of licensed evil, and in every way it has beentheir first care to help 'em to safer and more moral surroundin's, for whohas the interest of children more at heart than the mothers who bore them, children who are the light of their eyes and the hope of the future. "

Lorinda admitted that the state of the children in the homes of the poorand ignorant wuz pitiful. "But, " sez she, "the Bible sez 'ye shall alwayshave the poor with you, ' and I spoze we always shall, with all theirsufferin's and wants. But, " sez she, "in well-to-do homes the children aresafe and well off, and don't need any help from woman legislation. "

"Why, Lorinda, " sez I, "did you ever think on't how such mothers maywatch over and be the end of the law to their children with the father'sfull consent during infancy when they're wrastlin' with teethin', whoopin'-cough, mumps, etc. , can be queen of the nursery, dispensor ofpure air, sunshine, sanitary, and safe surroundin's in every way, and thenin a few years see 'em go from her into dark, overcrowded, unsanitary, carelessly guarded places, to spend the precious hours when they are themost receptive to influence and pass man-made pitfalls on their way to andfro, must stand helpless until in too many cases the innocent healthy childthat went from her care returns to her half-blind, a physical and moralwreck. The mother who went down to death's door for 'em, and had most to doin mouldin' their destiny during infancy should have at least equal rightswith the father in controllin' their surroundin's during their entireyouth, and to do this she must have equal legal power or her best effortsare wasted. That this is just and right is as plain to me as the nose on myface and folks will see it bom-bye and wonder they didn't before. 

"And wimmen who suffer most by the lack on't, will be most interested inopenin' schools to teach the fine art of domestic service, teachin' younggirls how to keep healthy comfortable homes and fit themselves to becapable wives and mothers. I don't say or expect that wimmen's votin' willmake black white, or wash all the stains from the legislative body at once, but I say that jest the effort to git wimmen's suffrage has opened hundredsof bolted doors and full suffrage will open hundreds more. And I'm goin' tothat woman's suffrage meetin' if I walk afoot. "

But here Josiah spoke up, I thought he wuz asleep, he wuz layin' on thelounge with a paper over his face. But truly the word, "Woman's Suffrage, "rousts him up as quick as a mouse duz a drowsy cat, so, sez he, "I can'tlet you go, Samantha, into any such dangerous and onwomanly affair. "

"Let?" sez I in a dry voice; "that's a queer word from one old pardner toanother. "

"I'm responsible for your safety, Samantha, and if anybody goes to thatdangerous and onseemly meetin' I will. Mebby Polly would like to go withme. " As stated, Polly is as pretty as a pink posy, and no matter how olda man is, nor how interestin' and noble his pardner is, he needs girlblinders, yes, he needs 'em from the cradle to the grave. But few, indeed, are the female pardners who can git him to wear 'em. 

He added, "You know I represent you legally, Samantha; what I do is jestthe same as though you did it. "

Sez I, "Mebby that is law, but whether it is gospel is another question. But if you represent me, Josiah, you will have to carry out my plans; Iwrit to Diantha Smith Trimble that if I went to the city I'd take care ofAunt Susan a night or two, and rest her a spell; you know Diantha is awidder and too poor to hire a nurse. But seein' you represent me you canset up with her Ma a night or two; she's bed-rid and you'll have to lifther round some, and give her her medicine and take care of Diantha's twins, and let her git a good sleep. "

"Well, as it were--Samantha--you know--men hain't expected to representwimmen in everything, it is mostly votin' and tendin' big meetin's andsuch. "

"Oh, I see, " sez I; "men represent wimmen when they want to, and when theydon't wimmen have got to represent themselves. "

"Well, yes, Samantha, sunthin' like that. "

He didn't say anything more about representin' me, and Polly said shewuz goin' to ride in the parade with some other college girls. Lorinda'slinement looked dark and forbiddin' as Polly stated in her gentle, but firmway this ultimatum. Lorinda hated the idee of Polly's jinin' in what shecalled onwomanly and immodest doin's, but I looked beamin'ly at her andgloried in her principles. 

After she went out Lorinda said to me in a complainin' way, "I shouldthink that a girl that had every comfort and luxury would be contented andthankful, and be willin' to stay to home and act like a lady. "

Sez I, "Nothin' could keep Polly from actin' like a lady, and mebby it isbecause she is so well off herself that makes her sorry for other younggirls that have nothin' but poverty and privation. "

"Oh, nonsense!" sez Lorinda. But I knowed jest how it wuz. Polly bein'surrounded by all the good things money could give, and bein' sotender-hearted her heart ached for other young girls, who had to spend thespringtime of their lives in the hard work of earnin' bread for themselvesand dear ones, and she longed to help 'em to livin' wages, so theycould exist without the wages of sin, and too many on 'em had to choosebetween them black wages and starvation. She wanted to help 'em to bettersurroundin's and she knowed the best weepon she could put into their handsto fight the wolves of Want and Temptation, wuz the ballot. Polly hain't amite like her Ma, she favors the Smiths more, her grand-ma on her pa's sidewuz a Smith and a woman of brains and principle. 

Durin' my conversation with Lorinda, I inquired about Royal Gray, for asstated, he wuz a great favorite of ourn, and I found out (and I could seeit gaulded her) that when Polly united with the Suffragists he shied offsome, and went to payin' attention to another girl. Whether it wuz to makePolly jealous and bring her round to his way of thinkin', I didn't know, but mistrusted, for I could have took my oath that he loved Polly deeplyand truly. To be sure he hadn't confided in me, but there is a languageof the eyes, when the soul speaks through 'em, and as I'd seen him lookat Polly my own soul had hearn and understood that silent language andtranslated it, that Polly wuz the light of his eyes, and the one woman inthe world for him. And I couldn't think his heart had changed so sudden. But knowin' as I did the elastic nature of manly affection, I feltdubersome. 

This other girl, Maud Vincent, always said to her men friends, it wuzonwomanly to try to vote. She wuz one of the girls who always gloried inbein' a runnin' vine when there wuz any masculine trees round to leanon and twine about. One who always jined in with all the idees theypromulgated, from neckties to the tariff, who declared cigar smoke wuz soagreeable and welcome; it did really make her deathly sick, but she wouldchoke herself cheerfully and willin'ly if by so chokin' she could gainmanly favor and admiration. 

She said she didn't believe in helpin' poor girls, they wuz well enoughoff as it wuz, she wuz sure they didn't feel hunger and cold as rich girlsdid, their skin wuz thicker and their stomachs different and stronger, andconstant labor didn't harm them, and working girls didn't need recreationas rich girls did, and woman's suffrage wouldn't help them any; in heropinion it would harm them, and anyway the poor wuz on-grateful. 

She had the usual arguments on the tip of her tongue, for old Miss Vincent, the aunt she lived with, wuz a ardent She Aunty and very prominent in thepublic meetin's the She Auntys have to try to compel the Suffragists notto have public meetin's. They talk a good deal in public how onwomanlyand immodest it is for wimmen to talk in public. And she wuz one of theforemost ones in tryin' to git up a school to teach wimmen civics, to provethat they mustn't ever have anything to do with civics. 

Yes, old Miss Vincent wuz a real active, ardent She Aunty, and MaudGenevieve takes after her. Royal Gray, his handsome attractive personality, and his millions, had long been the goal of Maud's ambition. And howardently did she hail the coolness growing between him and Polly, thelittle rift in the lute, and how zealously did she labor to make it larger. 

Polly and Royal had had many an argument on the subject, that is, he wouldbegin by makin' fun of the Suffragists and their militant doin's, which ifhe'd thought on't wuz sunthin' like what his old revolutionary forbearswent through for the same reasons, bein' taxed without representation, andbein' burdened and punished by the law they had no voice in making, onlythe Suffragettes are not nearly so severe with their opposers, they haven'tdrawed any blood yet. Why, them old Patriots we revere so, would considertheir efforts for freedom exceedingly gentle and tame compared to their ownbloody battles. 

And Royal would make light of the efforts of college girls to help workin'girls, and the encouragement and aid they'd gin 'em when they wuz strikin'for less death-dealin' hours of labor, and livin' wages, and so forth. Idon't see how such a really noble young man as Royal ever come to argy thatway, but spoze it wuz the dead hand of some rough onreasonable old ancestorreachin' up out of the shadows of the past and pushin' him on in the wrongdirection. 

So when he begun to ridicule what Polly's heart wuz sot on, when she feltthat he wuz fightin' agin right and justice, before they knowed it bothpairs of bright eyes would git to flashin' out angry sparks, and hash wordswould be said on both sides. That old long-buried Tory ancestor of hiseneggin' him on, so I spoze, and Polly's generous sperit rebellin' aginst theinjustice and selfishness, and mebby some warlike ancestor of hern pushin'her on to say hash things. 'Tennyrate he had grown less attentive to her, and wuz bestowin' his time and attentions elsewhere. 

And when she told him she wuz goin' to ride in the automobile parade of thesuffragists, but really ridin' she felt towards truth and justice to halfthe citizens of the U. S. , he wuz mad as a wet hen, a male wet hen, and wuzbound she shouldn't go. 

Some men, and mebby it is love that makes 'em feel so (they say it is), andmebby it is selfishness (though they won't own up to it), but they wantthe women they love to belong to them alone, want to rule absolutely overtheir hearts, their souls, their bodies, and all their thoughts and aims, desires, and fancies. They don't really say they want 'em to wear veils, and be shet in behind lattice-windowed harems, but I believe they wouldenjoy it. 

They want to be foot loose and heart loose themselves, but always afterUlysses is tired of world wandering, he wants to come back and open thebarred doors of home with his own private latch-key, and find Penelopeknitting stockings for him with her veil on, waitin' for him. 

That sperit is I spoze inherited from the days when our ancestor, the Caveman, would knock down the woman he fancied, with a club, and carry her offinto his cave and keep her there shet up. But little by little men areforgettin' their ancestral traits, and men and wimmen are gradually comin'out of their dark caverns into the sunshine (for women too have inheritedqueer traits and disagreeable ones, but that is another story). 

Well, as I said, Royal wuz mad and told Polly that he guessed that the dayof the Parade he would take Maud Vincent out in the country in his motor, to gather May-flowers. Polly told him she hoped they would have a goodtime, and then, after he had gone, drivin' his car lickety-split, haremskarum, owin' to his madness I spoze, Polly went upstairs and cried, for Ihearn her, her room wuz next to ourn. 

And I deeply respected her for her principles, for he had asked her firstto go May-flowering with him the day of the Suffrage meeting. But sherefused, havin' in her mind, I spoze, the girls that couldn't hunt flowers, but had to handle weeds and thistles with bare hands (metaforically) andwanted to help them and all workin' wimmen to happier and more prosperouslives. 

IV

"STRIVIN' WITH THE EMISSARY"

But I am hitchin' the horse behind the wagon and to resoom backwards. TheReunion wuz put off a week and the Suffrage Meetin' wuz two days away, so Itold Lorinda I didn't believe I would have a better time to carry SereptaPester's errents to Washington, D. C. Josiah said he guessed he would stayand help wait on Hiram Cagwin, and I approved on't, for Lorinda wuz gittin'wore out. 

And then Josiah made so light of them errents I felt that he would be adrawback instead of a help, for how could I keep a calm and noble frame ofmind befittin' them lofty errents, and how could I carry 'em stiddy with apardner by my side pokin' fun at 'em, and at me for carryin' 'em, jarrin'my sperit with his scorfin' and onbelievin' talk?

And as I sot off alone in the trolley I thought of how they must have feltin old times a-carryin' the Urim and Thumim. And though I hadn't no ideewhat them wuz, yet I always felt that the carriers of 'em must have feltsolemn and high-strung. Yes, my feelin's wuz such as I felt of the heftand importance of them errents not alone to Serepta Pester, but to thehull race of wimmen that it kep' my mental head rained up so high that Icouldn't half see and enjoy the sight of the most beautiful city in theworld, and still I spoze its grandeur and glory sort o' filtered downthrough my conscientiousness, as cloth grows white under the sun's raysonbeknown to it. 

Anon I left the trolley and walked some ways afoot. It wuz a lovely day, the sun shone down in golden splendor upon the splendor beneath it. Broad, beautiful clean streets, little fresh green parks, everywhere you couldturn about, and big ones full of flowers and fountains, and trees andstatutes. 

And anon or oftener I passed noble big stun buildings, where everything ismade for the nation's good and profit. Money and fish and wisdom and allsorts of patented things and garden seeds and tariffs and resolutions andtreaties and laws of every shape and size, good ones and queer ones andreputations and rates and rebates, etc. , etc. But it would devour too muchtime to even name over all that is made and onmade there, even if I knowedby name the innumerable things that are flowin' constant out of that greatreservoir of the Nation, with its vast crowd of law-makers settin' on thelid, regulatin' its flow and spreadin' it abroad over the country, thickand thin. 

But on I went past the Capitol, the handsomest buildin' on the Globe, standin' in its own Eden of beauty. By the Public Library as long as fromour house to Grout Hozleton's, and I guess longer, and every foot on't morebeautifler ornamented than tongue can tell. But I didn't dally tryin' topace off the size on't, though it wuz enormous, for the thought of what Iwuz carryin' bore me on almost regardless of my matchless surroundin's andthe twinges of rumatiz. 

And anon I arrived at the White House, where my hopes and the hopes ofmy sect and Serepta Pester wuz sot. I will pass over my efforts to gitinto the Presence, merely sayin' that they were arjous and extreme, and Iwouldn't probably have got in at all had not the Presence appeared with ahat on jest goin' out for a walk, and see me as I wuz strivin' with theemissary for entrance. I spoze my noble mean, made more noble fur by themagnitude of what I wuz carryin', impressed him, for suffice it to sayinside of five minutes the Presence wuz back in his augience room, and Iwuz layin' out them errents of Serepta's in front of him. 

He wuz very hefty, a good-lookin' smilin' man, a politer demeanoredgentlemanly appearner man I don't want to see. But his linement which hadlooked so pleasant and cheerful growed gloomy and deprested as I spreadthem errents before him and sez in conclusion:

"Serepta Pester sent these errents to you, she wanted intemperance doneaway with, the Whiskey Ring broke up and destroyed, she wanted you tohave nothin' stronger than root beer when you had company to dinner, sheofferin' to send you some burdock and dandeline roots and some emptins tostart it with, and she wanted her rights, and wanted 'em all by week afternext without fail. "

He sithed hard, and I never see a linement fall furder than hisen fell, and kep' a-fallin'. I pitied him, I see it wuz a hard stent for him to doit in the time she had sot, and he so fleshy too. But knowin' how muchwuz at the stake, and how the fate of Serepta and wimmen wuz tremblin' inthe balances, I spread them errents out before him. And bein' truthfuland above board, I told him that Serepta wuz middlin' disagreeable andvery humbly, but she needed her rights jest as much as though she wuz awax-doll. And I went on and told him how she and her relations had sufferedfrom want of rights, and how dretfully she had suffered from the Ring tillI declare talkin' about them little children of hern, and her agony, I gotabout as fierce actin' as Serepta herself, and entirely onbeknown to myselfI talked powerful on intemperance and Rings, and such. 

When I got down agin onto my feet I see he had a still more worried andanxious look on his good-natured face, and he sez: "The laws of the UnitedStates are such that I can't do them errands, I can't interfere. "

"Then, " sez I, "why don't you make the United States do right?"

He said sunthin' about the might of the majority, and the powerfulcorporations and rings, and that sot me off agin. And I talked verypowerful and allegored about allowin' a ring to be put round the UnitedStates and let a lot of whiskey dealers and corporations lead her round, a pitiful sight for men and angels. Sez I, "How duz it look before thenations to see Columbia led round half-tipsy by a Ring?"

He seemed to think it looked bad, I knew by his looks. 

Sez I, "Intemperance is bad for Serepta and bad for the Nation. "

He murmured sunthin' about the revenue the liquor trade brought theGovermunt. 

But I sez, "Every penny is money right out of the people's pockets; everydollar the people pay into the liquor traffic that gives a few cents intothe treasury, is costin' the people ten times that dollar in the lossintemperance entails, loss of labor, by the inability of drunken men to doanything but wobble and stagger, loss of wealth by the enormous losses ofproperty and taxation, of alms-houses, mad-houses, jails, police forces, paupers' coffins, and the diggin' of thousands and thousands of gravesthat are filled yearly by them that reel into 'em. " Sez I, "Wouldn't itbe better for the people to pay that dollar in the first place into thetreasury than to let it filter through the dram-seller's hands, a few centsof it fallin' into the national purse at last, putrid and heavy with allthese losses and curses and crimes and shames and despairs and agonies?"

He seemed to think it would, I see by the looks of his linement he did. Every honorable man feels so in his heart, and yet they let the Liquor Ringcontrol 'em and lead 'em round. "It is queer, queer as a dog. " Sez I, "Theintellectual and moral power of the United States are rolled up and thrustinto that Whiskey Ring and bein' drove by the whiskey dealers jest wherethey want to drive 'em. " Sez I, "It controls New York village and nobodydenies it, and the piety and philanthropy and culture and philosophy ofthat village has to be drawed along by that Ring. " And sez I, in low butstartlin' tones of principle:

"Where, where is it a-drawin' 'em to? Where is it drawin' the hull nationto? Is it drawin' 'em down into a slavery ten times more abject andsoul-destroyin' than African slavery ever wuz? Tell me, " sez I firmly, "tell me!"

He did not try to frame a reply, he could not find a frame. He knowed itwuz a conundrum boundless as truth and God's justice, and as solemnly deepin its sure consequences of evil as eternity, and as sure to come as thatis. 

Oh, how solemn he looked, and how sorry I felt for him, for I knowed worsewuz to come, I knowed the sharpest arrow Serepta Pester had sent wuz yetto pierce his sperit. But I sort o' blunted the edge on't what I couldconscientiously. Sez I, "I think myself Serepta is a little onreasonable, Imyself am willin' to wait three or four weeks. But she's suffered dretfulfrom intemperance from the Rings and from the want of rights, and hersufferin's have made her more voylent in her demands and impatienter, " andthen I fairly groaned as I did the rest of the errent, and let the sharpestarrow fly from the bo. 

"Serepta told me to tell you if you didn't do these errents you should notbe President next year. "

He trembled like a popple leaf, and I felt that Serepta wuz threatenin' himtoo hard. Sez he, "I do not wish to be President again, I shall refuse tobe nominated. At the same time I _do_ wish to be President and shallwork hard for the nomination if you can understand the paradox. "

"Yes, " sez I, "I understand them paradoxes. I've lived with 'em as you maysay, all through my married life. "

A clock struck in the next room and I knowed time wuz passin' swift. 

Sez the President, "I would be glad to do Serepta's errents, I think she isjustified in askin' for her rights, and to have the Ring destroyed, but Iam not the one to do them. "

Sez I, "Who is the man or men?"

He looked all round the room and up and down as if in hopes he could seesomeone layin' round on the floor, or danglin' from the ceilin', that wouldtake the responsibility offen him, and in the very nick of time the dooropened after a quick rap, and the President jumped up with a relieved lookon his linement, and sez:

"Here is the very man to do the errents. " And he hastened to introduce meto the Senator who entered. And then he bid me a hasty adoo, but cordialand polite, and withdrew himself. 

V

"HE WUZ DRETFUL POLITE"

I felt glad to have this Senator do Serepta's errents, but I didn't likehis looks. My land! talk about Serepta Pester bein' disagreeable, he wuz asdisagreeable as she any day. He wuz kinder tall and looked out of his eyesand wore a vest. He wuz some bald-headed, and wore a large smile all thewhile, it looked like a boughten one that didn't fit him, but I won't sayit wuz. I presoom he'll be known by this description. But his baldnessdidn't look to me like Josiah Allen's baldness, and he didn't have thenoble linement of the President, no indeed. He wuz dretful polite, goodland! politeness is no name for it, but I don't like to see anybody toogood. He drawed a chair up for me and himself and asked me:

If he should have the inexpressible honor and delightful joy of aiding mein any way, if so to command him to do it or words to that effect. I can'tput down his second-hand smiles and genteel looks and don't want to if Icould. 

But tacklin' hard jobs as I always tackle 'em, I sot down calm in frontof him with my umbrell on my lap and told him all of Serepta's errents, and how I had brought 'em from Jonesville on my tower. I told over all hersufferin's and wrongs from the Rings and from not havin' her rights, andall her sister's Azuba Clapsaddle's, and her Aunt Cassandra Keeler's, andHulda and Drusilly's and Abagail Flanderses injustices and sufferin's. Idid her errents as honorable as I'd love to have one done for me, I toldhim all the petickulars, and as I finished I said firmly:

"Now can you do Serepta Pesterses errents and will you?"

He leaned forward with that disagreeable boughten smile of hisen and tookup one corner of my mantilly, it wuz cut tab fashion, and he took up thetab and said in a low insinuatin' voice, lookin' clost at the edge of thetab:

"Am I mistaken, or is this beautiful creation pipein' or can it beKensington tattin'?"

I drawed the tab back coldly and never dained a reply; agin he sez, ina tone of amiable anxiety, "Have I not heard a rumor that bangs aregoing out of style? I see you do not wear your lovely hair bang-like ora-pompadouris? Ah, women are lovely creatures, lovely beings, every one of'em. " And he sithed, "You are very beautiful, " and he sithed agin, a sortof a deceitful lovesick sithe. I sot demute as the Spinks, and a chippin'bird tappin' his wing aginst her stuny breast would move it jest as much ashe moved me by his talk or his sithes. But he kep' on, puttin' on a sort ofa sad injured look as if my coldness wuz ondoin' of him. 

"My dear madam, it is my misfortune that the topics I introduce, howevercarefully selected by me, do not seem to be congenial to you. Have youa leanin' toward Natural history, madam? Have you ever studied into thehabits and traits of our American Wad?"

"What?" sez I. For truly a woman's curosity, however parlyzed by justindignation, can stand only just so much strain. "The what?"

"The wad. The animal from which is obtained the valuable fur that tailorsmake so much use of. "

Sez I, "Do you mean waddin' eight cents a sheet?"

"Eight cents a pelt--yes, the skins are plentiful and cheap, owing to thehardy habits of the animal. "

Sez I, "Cease instantly. I will hear no more. "

Truly, I had heard much of the flattery and little talk statesmen will useto wimmen, and I'd hearn of their lies, etc. ; but truly I felt that thehalf had not been told. And then I thought out-loud and sez:

"I've hearn how laws of eternal right and justice are sot one side inWashington, D. C. , as bein' too triflin' to attend to, while the Legislatorspondered over and passed laws regardin' hen's eggs and bird's nests. Butthis is goin' too fur--too fur. But, " sez I firmly, "I shall do Serepta'serrents, and do 'em to the best of my ability, and you can't draw off myattention from her wrongs and sufferin's by talkin' about wads. "

"I would love to obleege Serepta, " sez he, "because she belongs to such alovely sect. Wimmen are the loveliest, most angelic creatures that everwalked the earth; they are perfect, flawless, like snow and roses. "

Sez I firmly, "They hain't no such thing; they are disagreeable creeters agood deal of the time. They hain't no better than men, but they ort to havetheir rights all the same. Now Serepta is disagreeable and kinder fierceactin', and jest as humbly as they make wimmen, but that hain't no sign sheort to be imposed upon; Josiah sez she hadn't ort to have rights she is sohumbly, but I don't feel so. "

"Who is Josiah?" sez he. 

Sez I, "My husband. "

"Ah, your husband! Yes, wimmen should have husbands instead of rights. Theydo not need rights; they need freedom from all cares and sufferin'. Sweetlovely beings! let them have husbands to lift them above all earthly caresand trials! Oh! angels of our homes!" sez he, liftin' his eyes to theheavens and kinder shettin' 'em, some as if he wuz goin' into a spazzum. "Fly around, ye angels, in your native hants; mingle not with rings andvile laws, flee away, flee above them!"

And he kinder waved his hand back and forth in a floatin' fashion up in theair, as if it wuz a woman flyin' up there smooth and serene. It would haveimpressed some folks dretful, but it didn't me. I sez reasonably:

"Serepta would have been glad to flew above 'em, but the Ring and the vilelaws lay holt of her onbeknown to her and dragged her down. And thereshe is all bruised and broken-hearted by 'em. She didn't meddle with thepolitical Ring, but the Ring meddled with her. How can she fly when theweight of this infamous traffic is holdin' her down?"

"Ahem!" sez he. "Ahem, as it were. As I was saying, my dear madam, theseangelic angels of our homes are too ethereal, too dainty to mingle withrude crowds. We political men would fain keep them as they are now; we arewilling to stand the rude buffetin' of--of--voting, in order to guard thesesweet delicate creatures from any hardships. Sweet tender beings, we wouldfain guard thee--ah, yes, ah, yes. "

Sez I, "Cease instantly, or my sickness will increase, for such talk islike thoroughwort or lobelia to my moral and mental stomach. You know and Iknow that these angelic tender bein's, half-clothed, fill our streets onicy midnights, huntin' up drunken husbands and fathers and sons. They aredriven to death and to moral ruin by the miserable want liquor drinkin'entails. They are starved, they are froze, they are beaten, they aremade childless and hopeless by drunken husbands killin' their own fleshand blood. They go down into the cold waves and are drowned by drunkencaptains; they are cast from railways into death by drunken engineers; theygo up on the scaffold and die for crimes committed by the direct aid ofthis agent of Hell. 

"Wimmen had ruther be flyin' round than to do all this, but they can't. If men really believed all they say about wimmen, and I think some on 'emdo in a dreamy sentimental way--If wimmen are angels, give 'em the rightsof angels. Who ever hearn of a angel foldin' up her wings and goin' to apoor-house or jail through the fault of somebody else? Who ever hearn of aangel bein' dragged off to police court for fightin' to defend her childrenand herself from a drunken husband that had broke her wings and blackedher eyes, got the angel into the fight and then she got throwed into thestreets and imprisoned by it? Who ever hearn of a angel havin' to take inwashin' to support a drunken son or father or husband? Who ever hearn ofa angel goin' out as wet-nurse to git money to pay taxes on her home toa Govermunt that in theory idolizes her, and practically despises her, and uses that money in ways abominable to that angel. If you want to beconsistent, if you're bound to make angels of wimmen, you ort to furnish afree safe place for 'em to soar in. You ort to keep the angels from bein'tormented and bruised and killed, etc. "

"Ahem, " sez he, "as it were, ahem. "

But I kep' right on, for I begun to feel noble and by the side of myself:

"This talk about wimmen bein' outside and above all participation in thelaws of her country, is jest as pretty as anything I ever hearn, and jestas simple. Why, you might jest as well throw a lot of snowflakes into thestreet, and say, 'Some of 'em are female flakes and mustn't be trompledon. ' The great march of life tromples on 'em all alike; they fall from onecommon sky, and are trodden down into one common ground. 

"Men and wimmen are made with divine impulses and desires, and humanneeds and weaknesses, needin' the same heavenly light, and the same humanaids and helps. The law should mete out to them the same rewards andpunishments. 

"Serepta sez you call wimmen angels, and you don't give 'em the rights ofthe lowest beasts that crawl on the earth. And Serepta told me to tell youthat she didn't ask the rights of a angel; she would be perfectly contentedand proud, if you would give her the rights of a dog--the assured politicalrights of a yeller dog. ' She said yeller and I'm bound on doin' her 'errentjest as she wanted it done, word for word. 

"A dog, Serepta sez, don't have to be hung if it breaks the laws it is notallowed any hand in making; a dog don't have to pay taxes on its bone to aGovermunt that withholds every right of citizenship from it; a dog hain'tcalled undogly if it is industrious and hunts quietly round for its boneto the best of its ability, and tries to git its share of the crumbs thatfalls from that table bills are laid on. 

"A dog hain't preached to about its duty to keep home sweet and sacred, andthen see that home turned into a place of danger and torment under lawsthat these very preachers have made legal and respectable. A dog don't haveto see its property taxed to advance laws it believes ruinous, and thatbreaks its own heart and the heart of other dear dogs. A dog don't haveto listen to soul-sickening speeches from them that deny it freedom andjustice, about its bein' a damask rose and a seraph, when it knows ithain't; it knows, if it knows anything, that it is jest a plain dog. 

"You see Serepta has been embittered by the trials that politics, corruptlegislation have brought right onto her. She didn't want nothin' to do with'em, but they come onto her onexpected and onbeknown, and she feels thatshe must do everything she can to alter matters. She wants to help make thelaws that have such a overpowerin' influence over her. She believes theycan't be much worse than they are now, and may be a little better. "

"Ah, " interrupted the Senator, "if Serepta wishes to change politicalaffairs, let her influence her children, her boys, and they will carry herbenign and noble influence forward into the centuries. "

"But the law took her boy, her little boy and girl, away from her. Throughthe influence of the Whiskey Ring, of which her husband wuz a shinin'member, he got possession of her boy. And so the law has made it perfectlyimpossible for her to mould it indirectly through him, what Serepta duz shemust do herself. "

"Ah! my dear woman. A sad thing for Serepta; I trust _you_ have nogrievance of this kind, I trust that your estimable husband is, as it were, estimable. "

"Yes, Josiah Allen is a good man, as good as men can be. You know men orwimmen can't be only jest about so good anyway. But he's my choice, and hedon't drink a drop. "

"Pardon me, madam, but if you are happy in your married relations, and yourhusband is a temperate good man, why do you feel so upon this subject?"

"Why, good land! if you understood the nature of a woman you would know mylove for him, my happiness, the content and safety I feel about him and ourboy, makes me realize the sufferin's of Serepta in havin' her husband andboy lost to her; makes me realize the depth of a wife's and mother's agonywhen she sees the one she loves goin' down, down so low she can't reachhim; makes me feel how she must yearn to help him in some safe sure way. 

"High trees cast long shadows. The happier and more blessed a woman's lifeis, the more duz she feel for them that are less blessed than she. Highestlove goes lowest, like that love that left Heaven and descended to earth, and into it that He might lift up the lowly. The pityin' words of Him whowent about pleasin' not Himself, hants me and inspires me; I'm sorry forSerepta, sorry for the hull wimmen race of the nation, and for the men too. Lots of 'em are good creeters, better than wimmen, some on 'em. They wantto do right, but don't exactly see the way to do it. In the old slaverytimes some of the masters wuz more to be pitied than the slaves. They couldsee the injustice, feel the wrong they wuz doin', but old chains of Custombound 'em, social customs and idees had hardened into habits of thought. 

"They realized the size and heft of the evil, but didn't know how tograpple with it, and throw it. So now, many men see the evils of this time, want to help, but don't know the best way to lay holt of 'em. Life is acurious conundrum anyway, and hard to guess. But we can try to git theright answer to it as fur as we can. Serepta feels that one of the answersto the conundrum is in gittin' her rights. I myself have got all the rightsI need or want, as fur as my own happiness is concerned. My home is mycastle (a story and a half wooden one, but dear). My towers elevate me, the companionship of my friends give social happiness, our children areprosperous and happy. We have property enough for all the comforts of life. And above all other things my Josiah is my love and my theme. "

"Ah, yes!" sez he, "love is a woman's empire, and in that she should findher full content--her entire happiness and thought. A womanly woman willnot look outside that lovely and safe and beautious empire. "

Sez I firmly, "If she hain't a idiot she can't help it. Love is the mostbeautiful thing on earth, the most holy and satisfyin'. But I do not askyou as a politician, but as a human bein', which would you like best, thelove of a strong, earnest tender nature, for in man or woman 'the strongestare the tenderest, the loving are the daring, ' which would you like best, the love and respect of such a nature full of wit, of tenderness, ofinfinite variety, or the love of a fool?

"A fool's love is wearin', it is insipid at best, and it turns to vinegar. Why, sweetened water must turn to vinegar, it is its nater. And if a womanis bright and true-hearted, she can't help seein' through an injustice. Shemay be happy in her own home. Domestic affection, social enjoyments, thedelights of a cultured home and society, and the companionship of the manshe loves and who loves her, will, if she is a true woman, satisfy her ownpersonal needs and desires, and she would far ruther for her own selfishhappiness rest quietly in that love, that most blessed home. 

"But the bright quick intellect that delights you can't help seein' aninjustice, can't help seein' through shams of all kinds, sham sentiment, sham compliments, sham justice. The tender lovin' nature that blesses yourlife can't help feelin' pity for them less blessed than herself. She looksdown through the love-guarded lattice of her home from which your carewould fain bar out all sights of woe and squaler, she looks down and seesthe weary toilers below, the hopeless, the wretched. She sees the steephills they have to climb, carryin' their crosses, she sees 'em go down intothe mire, dragged there by the love that should lift 'em up. She would notbe the woman you love if she could restrain her hand from liftin' up thefallen, wipin' tears from weepin' eyes, speakin' brave words for them thatcan't speak for themselves. The very strength of her affection that wouldhold you up if you were in trouble or disgrace yearns to help all sorrowin'hearts. 

"Down in your heart you can't help admirin' her for this, we can't helprespectin' the one that advocates the right, the true, even if they are ourconquerors. Wimmen hain't angels; now to be candid, you know they hain't. They hain't any better than men. Men are considerable likely; and it seemscurious to me that they should act so in this one thing. For men ort to bemore honest and open than wimmen. They hain't had to cajole and wheedle anduse little trickeries and deceits and indirect ways as wimmen have. Why, cramp a tree limb and see if it will grow as straight and vigorous as itwould in full freedom and sunshine. 

"Men ort to be nobler than women, sincerer, braver. And they ort to beashamed of this one trick of theirn, for they know they hain't honest init, they hain't generous. Give wimmen two or three generations of moral andlegal freedom and see if men will laugh at 'em for their little deceits andaffectations. No, men will be gentler, and wimmen nobler, and they willboth come nearer bein' angels, though most probable they won't be any toogood then, I hain't a mite afraid of it. "

VI

"CONCERNING MOTH-MILLERS AND MINNY FISH"

The Senator kinder sithed, and that sithe sort o' brought me down onto myfeet agin as it were, and a sense of my duty, and I spoke out agin:

"Can you and will you do Serepta's errents?"

He evaded a direct answer by sayin', "As you alluded to the little indirectways of women, dearest madam, you will pardon me for saying that it ismy belief that the soft gentle brains of females are unfitted for thedeep hard problems men have to grapple with. They are too doll-like, tooangelically and sweetly frivolous. "

"No doubt, " sez I, "some wimmen are frivolous and some men foolish, foras Mrs. Poyser said, 'God made women to match the men, ' but these fewhadn't ort to disfranchise the hull race of men and wimmen. And as to softbrains, Maria Mitchell discovered planets hid from masculine eyes from thebeginnin' of time, and do you think that wimmen can't see the black spotson the body politic, that darkens the life of her and her children?

"Madame Curie discovered the light that looks through solid wood and iron, and you think wimmen can't see through unjust laws and practices, therampant evils of to-day, and see what is on the other side, see a remedyfor 'em. Florence Nightingale could mother and help cure an army, and whyhain't men willin' to let wimmen help cure a sick legislation, kindermother it, and encourage it to do better? She might much better be doin'that, than playin' bridge-whist, or rastlin' with hobble skirts, and itwouldn't devour any more time. "

He sot demute for a few minutes and then he sez, "While on the subject ofwomen's achievements, dearest madam, allow me to ask you, if they havereached the importance you claim for them, why is it that so few women aremade immortal by bein' represented in the Hall of Fame? And why are thefour or five females represented there put away by themselves in a remoteunadorned corner with no roof to protect them from the rough winds andstorms that beat upon them?"

Sez I, "That's a good illustration of what I've been sayin'. It wuz owin'to a woman's gift that America has a Hall of Fame, and it would seem thatcommon courtesy would give wimmen an equally desirable place amongstthe Immortals. Do you spoze that if women formed half the committee ofselection--which they should since it wuz a woman's gift that made such aplace possible--do you spoze that if she had an equal voice with men, thenames of noble wimmen would be tucked away in a remote unroofed corner?

"Edgar Allan Poe's genius wuz worthy a place among the Immortals, no doubt;his poems and stories excite wonder and admiration. But do they move thesoul like Mrs. Stowe's immortal story that thrilled the world and helpedfree a race?--yes, two races--for the curse of slavery held the white racein bondage, too. Yet she and her three or four woman companions face thestormy winds in an out-of-the-way corner, while Poe occupies his honorablesightly place among his fifty or more male companions. 

"Wimmen have always been admonished to not strive for right and justicebut to lean on men's generosity and chivalry. Here wuz a place where thatchivalry would have shone, but it didn't seem to materialize, and if wimmenhad leaned on it, it would have proved a weak staff, indeed. 

"Such things as this are constantly occurring and show plain that wimmenneeds the ballot to protect her from all sorts of wrongs and indignities. Men take wimmen's money, as they did here, and use it to uplift themselves, and lower her, like taxin' her heavily and often unjustly and usin' thismoney to help forward unjust laws which she abominates. And so it goes on, and will, until women are men's equals legally and politically. "

"Ahem--you present things in a new light. I never looked at this matterwith your eyes. "

"No, you looked at 'em through a man's eyes; such things are so customarythat men do 'em without thinkin', from habit and custom, like hushin' upchildren's talk, when they interrupt grown-ups. "

Agin he sot demute for a short space, and then said, "I feel that naturalhuman instinct is aginst the change. In savage races that knew nothin' ofcivilization, male force and strength always ruled. "

"Why, " sez I, "history tells us of savage races where wimmen always rule, though I don't think they ort to--ability and goodness ort to rule. "

"Nature is aginst it, " sez he. 

But I sez firmly, "Bees and lots of other insects and animals always havea female for queen and ruler. They rule blindly and entirely, right onthrough the centuries, but we are enlightened and should not encourage it. In my opinion the male bee has just as good a right to be monarch as hisfemale pardner has, if he is as good and knows as much. I never believed inthe female workin' ones killin' off the male drones to save winterin' 'em;they might give 'em some light chores to do round the hive to pay for theirboard. I love justice and that would be _my_ way. "

Agin he sithed. "Modern history don't seem to favor the scheme--" But hisaxent wuz as weak as a cat and his boughten smile seemed crackin' andwearin' out; he knowed better. 

Sez I, "We won't argy long on that p'int, for I might overwhelm you ifI approved of overwhelmin', but, will merely ask you to cast one eye onEngland. Was the rain of Victoria the Good less peaceful and prosperousthan that of the male rulers who preceded her? And you can then throw yourother eye over to Holland: is their sweet queen less worthy and belovedto-day than other European monarchs? And is her throne more shaky andtottlin' than theirn?"

He didn't try to dispute me and bowed his head on his breast in a almostmeachin' way. He knowed he wuz beat on every side, and almost to the end ofhis chain of rusty, broken old arguments. But anon he brightened up aginand sez, ketchin' holt of the last shackly link of his argument:

"You seem to place a great deal of dependence on the Bible. The Bible isaginst the idee. The Bible teaches man's supremacy, man's absolute powerand might and authority. "

"Why, how you talk, " sez I. "In the very first chapter the Bible tells howman wuz turned right round by a woman, tells how she not only turned manround to do as she wanted him to, but turned the hull world over. 

"That hain't nothin' I approve of; I don't speak of it because I like theidee. That wuzn't done in a open honorable manner as things should be done. No, Eve ruled by indirect influence, the gently influencing men way, thatpoliticians are so fond of. And she brought ruin and destruction onto thehull world by it. 

"A few years later when men and wimmen grew wiser, when we hear of wimmenrulin' Israel openly and honestly, like Miriam, Deborah and other likelyold four mothers, things went on better. They didn't act meachin' andtempt, and act indirect. "

He sithed powerful and sot round oneasy in his chair. And sez he, "Ithought wimmen wuz taught by the Bible to serve and love their homes. "

"So they be. And every true woman loves to serve. Home is my supremehappiness and delight, and my best happiness is found in servin' them Ilove. But I must tell the truth, in the house or outdoors. "

Sez he faintly, "The Old Testament may teach that women have some strengthand power. But in the New Testament in every great undertaken' and plan menhave been chosen by God to carry them through. "

"Why-ee!" sez I, "how you talk! Have you ever read the Bible?"

He said evasively, his grandmother owned one, and he had seen it in earlyyouth. And then he went on in a sort of apologizin' way. He had alwaysmeant to read it, but he had entered political life at an early age wherethe Bible wuzn't popular, and he believed that he had never read furtherthan the Epistles of Gulliver to the Liliputians. 

Sez I, "That hain't Bible, there hain't no Gulliver in it, and you meanGalatians. "

Well, he said, that might be it, it wuz some man he knew, and he had alwaysheard and believed that man wuz the only worker that God had chosen. 

"Why, " sez I, "the one great theme of the New Testament--the salvation ofthe world through the birth of Christ--no man had anything to do with. Ourdivine Lord wuz born of God and Woman. Heavenly plan of redemption forfallen humanity. God Himself called woman into that work, the divine workof saving a world, and why shouldn't she continue in it? God called her. Mary had no dream of publicity, no desire of a world's work of sufferingand renunciation. The soft air of Galilee wropped her about in its sweetcontent, as she dreamed her quiet dreams in maiden peace--dreamed, perhaps, of domestic love and happiness. 

"From that sweetest silence, the restful peace of happy innocent girlhood, God called her to her divine work of helpin' redeem a world from sin. Anddid not this woman's love and willin' obedience, and sufferin' set herapart, baptize her for this work of liftin' up the fallen, helpin' theweak?

[Illustration: "He'd entered political life where the Bible wuzn'tpopular; he'd never read further than Gulliver's Epistle to theLiliputians. "]

"Is it not a part of woman's life that she gave at the birth andcrucifixion? Her faith, her hope, her sufferin', her glow of divine pityand joyful martyrdom. These, mingled with the divine, the pure heavenly, have they not for nineteen hundred years been blessin' the world? The Godin Christ would awe us too much; we would shield our eyes from the tooblindin' glory of the pure God-like. But the tender Christ who wept over asinful city, and the grave of His friend, who stopped dyin' on the crossto comfort His mother's heart, provide for her future--it is this womanlyelement in our Lord's nature that makes us dare to approach Him, dare tokneel at His feet?

"And since woman wuz so blessed as to be counted worthy to be co-workerwith God in the beginnin' of the world's redemption; since He calledher from the quiet obscurity of womanly rest and peace into the blessedmartyrdom of renunciation and toil and sufferin', all to help a world thatcared nothin' for her, that cried out shame upon her. 

"He will help her carry on the work of helpin' a sinful world. He willprotect her in it, she cannot be harmed or hindered, for the cause sheloves of helpin' men and wimmen, is God's cause too, and God will take careof His own. Herods full of greed and frightened selfishness may try tobreak her heart by efforts to kill the child she loves, but she will holdit so clost to her bosom he can't destroy it; and the light of the Divinewill go before her, showin' the way through the desert and wildernessmebby, but she shall bear it into safety. "

"You spoke of Herod, " sez he dreamily, "the name sounds familiar to me. Wasnot Mr. Herod once in the United States Senate?"

"Not that one, " sez I. "He died some time ago, but I guess he has relativesthere now, judgin' from laws made there. You ask who Herod wuz, and as itall seems a new story to you, I will tell you. When the Saviour of theworld wuz born in Bethlehem, and a woman wuz tryin' to save His life, a manby the name of Herod wuz tryin' his best out of selfishness and greed tomurder Him. "

"Ah! that was not right in Herod. "

"No, it hain't been called so. And what wuzn't right in him hain't right inhis relations who are tryin' to do the same thing to-day. Sellin' for moneythe right to destroy the child the mother carries on her heart. Surroundin'him with temptations so murderous, yet so enticin' to youthful spirits, that the mother feels that as the laws are now, the grave is the only placeof safety that God Himself can find for her boy. But because Herod wuz somean it hain't no sign that all men are mean. Joseph wuz as likely as hecould be. "

"Joseph?" sez he pensively. "Do you allude to our venerable speaker, JoeCannon?"

"No, " sez I. "I'm talkin' Bible--I'm talkin' about Joseph; jest plainJoseph. "

"Ah! I see. I am not fully familiar with that work. Being so engrossed inpolitics, and political literature, I don't git any time to devote to lessimportant publications. "

Sez I candidly, "I knew you hadn't read it the minute you mentioned thebook of Liliputians. But as I wuz sayin', Joseph wuz a likely man. He hadthe strength to lead the way, overcome obstacles, keep dangers from Mary, protect her tenderer form with the mantilly of his generous devotion. 

"_But she carried the Child on her bosom_; ponderin' high things inher heart that Joseph never dreamed of. That is what is wanted now, andin the future. The man and the woman walkin' side by side. He a littleahead, mebby, to keep off dangers by his greater strength and courage. Shea-carryin' the infant Christ of Love, bearin' the baby Peace in her bosom, carryin' it into safety from them that seek to destroy it. 

"And as I said before, if God called woman into this work, He will enableher to carry it through. He will protect her from her own weaknesses, andthe misapprehensions and hard judgments and injustices of a gain-sayin'world. 

"Yes, the star of hope is risin' in the sky brighter and brighter, andwise men are even now comin' to the mother of the new Redeemer, led by thestar. "

He sot demute. Silence rained for some time; and finally I spoke outsolemnly through the rain:

"Will you do Serepta's errents? Will you give her her rights? And will youbreak the Whiskey Ring?"

He said he would love to do the errents, I had convinced him that it wouldbe just and right to do 'em, but the Constitution of the United Statesstood up firm aginst 'em. As the laws of the United States wuz, he couldnot make any move toward doin' either of the errents. 

Sez I, "Can't the laws be changed?"

"Be changed? Change the laws of the United States? Tamper with the gloriousConstitution that our fore-fathers left us--an immortal sacred legacy. "

He jumped up on his feet and his second-hand smile fell off. He kindershook as if he wuz skairt most to death and tremblin' with horrow. He didit to skair me, I knew, but I knowed I meant well towards the Constitutionand our old forefathers; and my principles stiddied me and held me firm andserene. And when he asked me agin in tones full of awe and horrow:

"Can it be that I heard my ear aright? Or did you speak of changin' theunalterable laws of the United States--tampering with the Constitution?"

"Yes, that is what I said. Hain't they never been changed?"

He dropped that skairful look and put on a firm judicial one. He see thathe could not skair me to death; an' sez he, "Oh, yes, they've been changedin cases of necessity. "

Sez I, "For instance durin' the Oncivil war it wuz changed to make Northernmen cheap bloodhounds and hunters. "

"Yes, " he said, "it seemed to be a case of necessity and economy. "

"I know it, " sez I; "men wuz cheaper than any other breed of bloodhoundsthe slave-holders could employ to hunt men and wimmen with, and morefaithful. "

"Yes, " he said, "it wuz a case of clear economy. "

And sez I: "The laws have been changed to benefit liquor dealers. "

"Well, yes, " he said, "it had been changed to enable whiskey dealers toutilize the surplus liquor they import. "

Sez he, gittin' kinder animated, for he wuz on a congenial and familartheme, "Nobody, the best calculators in drunkards, can exactly calculatehow much whiskey will be drunk in a year; and so, ruther than have thewhiskey dealers suffer loss, the law had to be changed. And then, " sez he, growin' still more candid in his excitement, "we are makin' a powerfuleffort to change the laws now so as to take the tax off of whiskey, so itcan be sold cheaper, and obtained in greater quantities by the masses. Anysuch great laws would justify a change in the Constitution and the laws;but for any frivolous cause, any trivial cause, madam, we male custodiansof the sacred Constitution stand as walls of iron before it, guarding itfrom any shadow of change. Faithful we will be, faithful unto death. "

Sez I, "As it has been changed, it can be agin. And you jest said I hadconvinced you that Serepta's errents wuz errents of truth and justice, andyou would love to do 'em. "

"Well, yes, yes--I would love to--as it were--. But, my dear madam, much asI would like to oblige you, I have not the time to devote to the cause ofRight and Justice. I don't think you realize the constant pressure of hardwork that is ageing us and wearing us out, before our day. 

"As I said, we have to watch the liquor interest constantly to see that theliquor dealers suffer no loss--we have to do that, of course. "

And he continued dreamily, as if losin' sight of me and talkin' to himself:"The wealthy Corporations and Trusts, we have to condemn them loudly toplease the common people, and help 'em secretly to please ourselves, or ourrichest perkisits are lost. The Canal Ring, the Indian Agency, the LandGrabbers, the political bosses. In fact, we are surrounded by a host ofbandits that we have to appease and profit by; oh, how these matters wearinto the gray matter of our brains!"

"Gray matter!" sez I, with my nose uplifted to its extremest height, "Ishould call it black matter!"

"Well, the name is immaterial, but these labors, though pocket filling, arebrain wearing. And of late I and the rest of our loyal henchmen have beenworn out in our labors in tariff revision. You know how we claim to helpthe common people by the revision; you've probable read about it in thepapers. "

"Yes, " sez I coldly, "I've hearn _talk_. "

"Yes, " sez he, "but if we do succeed, after the most strenious efforts ingetting the duty off champagne, green turtle, olives, etc. , and put on tosugar, tea, cotton cloth and such like, with all this brain fag and brainlabor--"

"And tongue labor!" sez I in a icy axent. 

"Yes, after all this ceaseless toil the common people will not show anygratitude; we statesmen labor oft with aching hearts. " And he leaned hisforward on his hand and sithed. 

But my looks wuz like ice-suckles on the north side of a barn. And Istopped his complaints and his sithes by askin' in a voice that demanded areply:

"Can you and will you do Serepta's errents? Errents full of truth andjustice and eternal right?"

He said he knew they wuz jest runnin' over with them qualities, but happyas it would make him to do 'em, he had to refuse owin' to the fur moreimportant matters he had named, and the many, many other laws and preamblesthat he hadn't time to name over to me. "Mebby you have heard, " sezhe, "that we are now engaged in making most important laws concerningmoth-millers, and minny fish, and hog cholera. And take it with theseimportant bills and the constant strain on our minds in tryin' to pass lawsto increase our own salaries, you can see jest how cramped we are for time. And though we would love to pass some laws of truth and righteousness--wefairly ache to--yet not havin' the requisite time we are forced to lay 'emon the table or under it. "

"Well, " sez I, "I guess I may as well be a-goin'. " And I bid him a coolgoodbye and started for the door. But jest as my hand wuz on the nub hejumped up and opened the door, wearin' that boughten second-hand smile aginon his linement, and sez he:

"Dear madam, perhaps Senator B. Will do the errents for you. "

Sez I, "Where is Senator B. ?" And he said I would find him at his Post ofDuty at the Capitol. 

"Well, " I said, "I will hunt up the Post, " and did. A grand enough placefor a Emperor or a Zar is the Capitol of our great nation where I foundhim, a good natured lookin' boy in buttons showin' me the Post. 

VII

"NO HAMPERIN' HITCHIN' STRAPS"

Well, Senator B. Wanted to do the errents but said it wuz not his place, and sent me to Senator C. , and he almost cried, he wanted to do 'em so bad, but stern duty tied him to his Post, he said, and he sent me to Senator D. , and he _did_ cry onto his handkerchief, he wanted to do the errents sobad, and said it would be such a good thing to have 'em done. He bust rightinto tears as he said he had to refuse to do 'em. Whether they wuz wettears or dry ones I couldn't tell, his handkerchief wuz so big, but I hearnhis sithes, and they wuz deep and powerful ones. 

But as I sez to him, "Wet tears, nor dry ones, nor windy sithes didn't helpdo the errents. " So I went on his sobbin' advice to Senator E. , and he wuzhuffy and didn't want to do 'em and said so. And said his wife had thirteenchildren, and wimmen instead of votin' ort to go and do likewise. 

And I told him it wouldn't look well in onmarried wimmen and widders, andif they should foller her example folks would talk. 

And he said, "They ort to marry. "

And I said, "As the fashion is now, wimmen had to wait for some man to ask'em, and if they didn't come up to the mark and ask 'em, who wuz to blame?"

He wouldn't answer, and looked sulky, but honest, and wouldn't tell me whoto go to to git the errents done. 

But jest outside his door I met the Senator I had left sobbin' over theerrents. He looked real hilarious, but drawed his face down when he ketchedmy eye, and sithed several times, and sent me to Senator F. And he sent meto Senator G. 

And suffice it to say I wuz sent round, and talked to, and cried at, andsulked to, and smiled at and scowled at, and encouraged and discouraged, 'till my head swum and my knees wobbled under me. And with all my effortsand outlay of oratory and shue leather not one of Serepta Pester's errentscould I git done, and no hopes held out of their ever bein' done. And aboutthe middle of the afternoon I gin up, there wuz no use in tryin' any longerand I turned my weary tracks towards the outside door. But as bad as Ifelt, I couldn't help my sperit bein' lifted up some by the grandeur aboutme. 

Oh, my land! to stand in the immense hall and look up, and up, and see allthe colors of the rain-bow and see what wonderful pictures there wuz upthere in the sky above me as it were. Why, it seemed curiouser than anyNorthern lights I ever see in my life, and they stream up dretful curioussometimes. And as I walked through that lofty and most beautiful place andrealized the size and majestic proportions of the buildin' I wondered tomyself that a small law, a little unjust law could ever be passed in suchgrand and magnificent surroundin's. And I sez to myself, it can't be thefault of the place anyway; the law-makers have a chance for their soulsto soar if they want to, here is room and to spare to pass laws big aselephants and camels, and I wondered that they should ever try to pass lawsas small as muskeeters and nats. Thinkses I, I wonder them little lawsdon't git to strollin' round and git lost in them magnificent corridors. But I consoled myself, thinkin' it wouldn't be no great loss if they did. But right here, as I wuz thinkin' on these deep and lofty subjects, I metthe good natured young chap that had showed me round and he sez:

"You look fatigued, mom. " (Soarin' even to yourself is tuckerin'. ) "Youlook very fatigued; won't you take something?"

I looked at him with a curious silent sort of a look; for I didn't knowwhat he meant. Agin he looked clost at me and sort o' pityin'; and sez he, "You look tired out, mom. Won't you take something? Let me treat you tosomething; what will you take, mom?"

I thought he wuz actin' dretful liberal, but I knew they had strange waysin Washington anyway. And I didn't know but it wuz their way to make somepresent to every woman that comes there, and I didn't want to act awkwardand out of style, so I sez:

"I don't want to take anything, and don't see any reason why you shouldinsist on't. But if I have got to take sunthin' I had jest as soon have afew yards of factory cloth as anything. That always comes handy. "

I thought that if he wuz determined to treat me to show his good feelin'stowards me, I would git sunthin' useful and that would do me some good, else what wuz the good of bein' treated? And I thought that if I had got totake a present from a strange man, I would make a shirt for Josiah out ofit. I thought that would save jealousy and make it right so fur as goodnesswent. 

"But, " sez he, "I mean beer or wine or liquor of some kind. "

I riz right up in my shues and dignity, and glared at him. 

Sez he, "There is a saloon right here handy in the buildin'. "

Sez I in awful axents, "It is very appropriate to have it here handy!" SezI, "Liquor duz more towards makin' the laws of the United States fromCaucus to Convention than anything else duz, and it is highly proper tohave it here so they can soak the laws in it right off before they lay 'emonto the table or under 'em, or pass 'em onto the people. It is highlyappropriate, " sez I. 

"Yes, " sez he. "It is very handy for the Senators and Congressmen, and letme get you a glass. "

"No, you won't!" sez I firmly. "The nation suffers enough from that roomnow without havin' Josiah Allen's wife let in. "

Sez he, "If you have any feeling of delicacy in goin' in there, let me makesome wine here. I will get a glass of water and make you some pure grapewine, or French brandy, or corn or rye whiskey. I have all the drugs righthere. " And he took a little box out of his pocket. "My father is a importerof rare old wines, and I know just how it is done. I have 'em all here, Capsicum, Coculus Indicus, alum, copperas, strychnine; I will make some ofthe choicest, oldest, and purest imported liquors we have in the country, in five minutes if you say so. "

"No!" sez I firmly, "when I want to foller Cleopatra's fashion and commitsuicide, I will hire a rattlesnake and take my pizen as she did, on theoutside. "

Well, I got back to Hiram Cagwin's tired as a dog, and Serepta's errentsondone. But my conscience opholded me and told me I had done my very best, and man or woman can do no more. 

Well, the next day but one wuz the big outdoor suffrage meetin'. And we sotoff in good season, Hiram feelin' well enough to be left with the hiredhelp. Polly started before we did with some of her college mates, lookin'pretty as a pink with a red rose pinned over a achin' heart, so I spoze, for she loved the young man who wuz out with another girl May-flowering. Burnin' zeal and lofty principle can't take the place in a woman's heart oflove and domestic happiness, and men needn't be afraid it will. There is nomore danger on't than there is of a settin' hen wantin' to leave her nestto be a commercial traveler. Nature has made laws for wimmen and hens thatno ballot, male or female, can upset. 

Josiah and Lorinda and I went in the trolley in good season, so's to git asightly place, Lorinda protestin' all the time aginst the indelicacy andimpropriety of wimmen's appearin' in outdoor meetin's, forgittin', I spose, the dense procession of wimmen that fills the avenues every day, follerin'Fashion and Display. As nigh as I could make out the impropriety consistedin wimmen's follerin' after Justice and Right. 

Josiah's face looked dubersome. I guess he wuz worryin' over his offer torepresent me, and thinkin' of Aunt Susan and the twins. 

But as it turned out I met Diantha while Josiah wuz in a shop buyin' somepeppermint lozengers, and she said her niece had come from the West, andthey got along all right. So that lifted my burden. But I thought best notto tell Josiah, as he wuz so bound to represent me. I thought it wouldn'tdo any hurt to let him think it over about the job a man took on himselfwhen he sot out to represent a woman. They wouldn't like it in lots ofways, as willin' as they seem to be in print. 

Wimmen go through lots of things calm and patient that would make a manflinch and shy off like a balky horse, and visey versey. I wouldn't wantto represent Josiah lots of times, breakin' colts, ploughin' greensward, cuttin' cord-wood etc. , etc. Men and wimmen want equal legal rights torepresent themselves and their own sex which are different, and always mustbe, and both sexes don't want to be hampered and sot down on by the otherone. That is gauldin' to human nater, male or female. 

We got a good place nigh the speakers' stand, and we hadn't stood therelong before the parade hove in sight, the yeller banners streamin' out likesunshine on a rainy day, police outriders, music, etc. 

More than a hundred automobiles led the parade and five times as manywimmen walkin' afoot. A big grand-stand with the lady speakers andtheir friends on it, all dressed pretty as pinks. For the old idee thatsuffragists don't care for attractive dress and domestic life wuz explodedlong ago, and many other old superstitions went up in the blaze. 

Those of us who have gray hair can remember when if a man spoke favorablyof women's rights the sarcastic question was asked him: "How old is SusanB. Anthony?"

And this fine wit and cuttin' ridicule would silence argument and quenchthe spirit of the upholder. 

But the world moves. Susan's memory is beloved and revered, and thecontemptious ridicule of the onthinkin' and ignorant only nourished thelaurels the world lays on her tomb. 

At that time accordin' to popular opinion a suffragist wuz a slatternlywoman with uncombed locks, dangling shoe strings, and bloomers, stridin'through an unswept house onmindful of dirty children or hungry husband, butthe world moves onward and public opinion with it. Suffragists are the bestmothers, the best housekeepers, the best dressers of any wimmen in theland. Search the records and you'll find it so, and why?

Because they know sunthin', it takes common sense to make a gooseberrypie as it ort to be. And the more a woman knows and the more justice shedemands, the better for her husband. The same sperit that rebels at tyrannyand injustice rebels at dirt, disorder, discomfort, and all unpleasantconditions. 

I looked ahead with my mind's eye and see them pretty college girls settleddown in pleasant homes of their own, where sanitary laws prevailed, where the babies wuzn't fed pickles and cabbage, and kep' in air-tightenclosures. Where the husbands did not have to go outside their own homesto find cheer and comfort, and intelligent conversation, and where Love andCommon Sense walked hand in hand toward Happiness and Contentment, Justice, with her blinders offen her eyes, goin' ahead on 'em. I never liked theidee of Justice wearin' them bandages over her eyes. She ort to have botheyes open; if anybody ever needed good eyesight she duz, to choose thestraight and narrer road, lookin' backward to see the mistakes she has madein the past, so's to shun 'em in the future, and lookin' all round her inthe present to see where she can help matters, and lookin' fur off in thefuture to the bright dawn of a Tomorrow. To the shinin' mount of EqualRights and full Liberty. Where she sees men and wimmen standin' side byside with no halters or hamperin' hitchin' straps on either on 'em. He moregentle and considerate, and she less cowardly and emotional. 

Good land! what could Justice do blind in one eye and wimmen on the blindside? But good sensible wimmen are reachin' up and pullin' the bandagesoffen her eyes. She's in a fair way to git her eyesight. But I'meppisodin', and to resoom forward. 

VIII

"OLD MOM NATER LISTENIN'"

There wuz some pleasant talkin' and jokin' between bystanders andsuffragettes, and then some good natured but keen and sensible speeches. And one pretty speaker told about the doin's at Albany and Washington. Howwomen's respectful pleas for justice are treated there. How the law-makers, born and nussed by wimmen and dependent on 'em for comfort and happiness, use the wimmen's tax money to help make laws makin' her of no legalimportance only as helpless figgers to hang taxation and punishment on. 

Old Mom Nater had been listenin' clost, her sky-blue eyes shinin' with joyto see her own sect present such a noble appearance in the parade. Butwhen these insults and indignities wuz brung up to her mind agin and sherealized afresh how wimmen couldn't git no more rights accorded to her thana dog or a hen, and worse. For a hen or a dog wouldn't be taxed to raisemoney for turkle soup and shampain to nourish the law-makers whilst theymade the laws agin 'em--Mom Nater's eyes clouded over with indignation andresentment, and she boo-hooed right out a-cryin'. Helpless tears, of nomore account than other females have shed, and will, as they set on theirhard benches with idiots, lunaticks, and criminals. 

Of course she wiped up her tears pretty soon, not willin' to lose any ofthe wimmen's bright speeches. But when her tear-drops fell fast, Josiah sezto me, "You'll see them wimmen run like hikers now, wimmen always thoughtmore of shiffon and fol-de-rols than they did of principle. "

But I sez, "Wait and see, " (we wuz under a awnin' and protected). 

But the young and pretty speaker who wore a light silk dress and exquisitebunnet, kep' right on talkin' jest as calmly as if she didn't know herpretty dress wuz bein' spilte and her bunnet gittin' wet as sop, and I sezto Josiah:

"When wimmen are so in earnest, and want anything so much they can standsoakin' in their best dresses, and let their Sunday bunnets be spilte ontheir heads, not noticin' 'em seemin'ly, but keep right on pleadin' forright and justice, they are in a fair way of gittin' what they are after. "

He looked kinder meachin' but didn't dispute me. 

The speeches wuz beautiful and convincin', and pretty soon old Mom Naterstopped cryin' to hear 'em, and she and I both listened full of joy andhappiness to see with what eloquence and justice our sect wuz pleadin' ourcause. Their arguments wuz so reasonable and convincin' that I said tomyself, I don't see how anybody can help bein' converted to this righteouscause, the liftin' up of wimmen from her uncomfortable crouchin' posterwith criminals and idiots, up to the place she should occupy by the sideof other good citizens of the United States, with all the legal and moralrights that go with that noble title. 

And right whilst I wuz thinkin' this, sunthin' wuz happenin' that provedI wuz right in my eppisodin', and somebody awful sot agin it wuz bein'converted then and there (but of this more anon and bom-bye). We stayedtill we heard the last word of the last speech, I happy and proud insperit, Lorinda partly converted, she couldn't help it, though she wouldn'town up to it at that juncter. And Josiah lookin' real deprested, thethought of representin' me wuz worryin' him I knew, for I hearn him say(soty vosy), "Represent wimmen or not, I hain't goin' to set up all nightwith no old woman, and lift her round, nor dry nuss no twins. "

And thinkin' his sperit wuz pierced to a sufficient depth by hisapprehension, so reason could be planted and take root, and he wouldn't beso anxious in the future to represent a woman, I told him what Diantha saidand we all went home in good sperits. The sun shone clear, the rain hadwashed the face of the Earth till it shone, and everything looked gay andjoyous. 

When we got to Lorinda's we see a auto standin' in front of the door fullof flowery branches in front and the pink posies lookin' no more bright androsy than the faces of the two young folks settin' there. It wuz Polly andRoyal. 

It seemed that when he and Maud got back from the country (and they didn'tstay long, Royal wuz so restless and oneasy) Maud insisted on his takin'her to the suffrage meetin' jest to make fun on't, so I spoze. She thoughtshe had rubbed out Polly's image and made a impression herself on Royal'sheart that only needed stompin' in a little deeper, and she thoughtridicule would be the stomper she needed. 

But when they got to the meetin' and he see Polly settin' like a lilyamongst flowers, and read in her lovely face the earnest desire to lift theburden from the heavy laden, comfort the sorrowful, right the wrong, and dowhat she could in her day and generation--

I spoze his eyes could only see her sweet face. But he couldn't help hisears from hearin' the reasonable, eloquent words of earnest and womanlywimmen, so full of good sense and truth and justice that no reasonableperson could dispute 'em, and when he contrasted all this with the sneerin'face, the sarcastic egotistic prattle of Maud, the veil dropped from hiseyes, and he see with the New Vision. 

You know how it wuz with Saul the Scoffer who went breathin' out vengeance, and Eternal Right stopped him on his way with its great light. Well, Ispoze it wuz a bright ray from that same light that shone down into Royal'sheart and made him see. He wuz always good hearted and generous--men havealways been better than the laws they have made. He left Maud at her homenot fur away and hastened back, way-laid Polly, and bore her home intriumph and a thirty-horse-power car. 

It don't make much difference I spoze how or where anybody is converted. The Bible speaks of some bein' ketched out of the fire, and I spoze it isabout the same if they are ketched out of the rain. 'Tennyrate the samerain that washed some of the color off Maud's cheeks, seemed to wash awaythe blindin' mist of prejudice and antagonism from Royal's mental vision, leavin' his sperit ready for the great white light of truth and justiceto strike in. And that very day and hour he come round to Polly's way ofthinkin', and bein' smart as a whip and so rich, I suppose he will be agreat accusation to the cause. 

Well, the next day but one the Allens met in a pleasant grove on the rivershore and we had a good growin' time. Royal bein' as you may say one of thefamily, took us all to the grove in his big tourin' car, and the fourthtrip he took Polly alone, and wuzn't it queer that, though the load wuz furlighter, it took him three times as long as the other three trips together?Why, they never got there till dinner wuz on the table, and then theydidn't seem to care a mite about the extra good food. 

But I made allowances, for as I looked into their glowin' faces I knowedthey wuz partakin' of fruit from the full branches of first love, truelove. Rich fruit that gives the divinest satisfaction of any this old earthaffords. Food that never changes through the centuries, though fashionoften changes, and riotous plenty or food famine may exalt or depress thesperit of the householder. Nothin' but time has any power over this divinefruitage. He gradually, as the light of the honeymoon wanes, whets his oldscythe and mows down some of the luxuriant branches, either cuttin' a fullswath, or one at a time, and the blessed consumers have to come down to theordinary food of mortals. But this wuz still fur away from them. 

And I knowed too that the ordinary food of ordinary mortals partook ofunder the full harvest moon of domestic comfort and contentment wuz not tobe despised, though fur different. And the light fur different from theglow and the glamour that wropped them two together and all the rest of theworld away from 'em. 

But I'm eppisodin' too much, and to resoom forward. 

As I said, we had a happy growin' time at the Reunion, Josiah bein' in finefeather to see the relation on his side presentin' such a noble appearance. And like a good wife I sympathized with him in his pride and happiness, though I told him they didn't present any better appearance than the samenumber of Smiths would. And their cookin', though excellent, wuz no betterthan the Smiths could cook if they sot out to. 

He bein' so good natered didn't dispute me outright, but said he thoughtthe Allens made better nut-cakes than the Smiths. 

But they don't, no such thing. In fact I think the Smith nut-cakes arelighter and have a more artistic twist to 'em and don't devour so much fata-fryin'. 

But I'd hate to set Josiah down to any better vittles. I d'no as I woulddast let him loose at the table at a Smith reunion, for he eat fur too muchas it wuz. I had to give him five pepsin lozengers and some pepper tea. Andthen I looked out all night for night mairs to ride on his chist. But hecome through it alive though with considerable pain. 

We stayed two or three days longer with Lorinda, and then she and Hiramwent part way with us as we visited our way home. We've got relationslivin' all along the river that we owed visits to. And we went to see anumber of 'em and enjoyed our four selves first rate. These things all tookplace more than a year ago and another man sets in the high chair, beforewhich I laid Serepta's errents, a man not so hefty mebby weighed by commonsteelyards, but one of noble weight judged by mental and moral scales. 

I d'no whether I'd had any better luck if I'd presented Serepta's errentsto him. Sometimes when I look in the kind eyes of his picter, and read hisnoble and eloquent words that I believe come from his very soul, I thinkmebby I'd been more lucky if he'd sot in the chair that day. But then Id'no, there are so many influences and hendrances planted like thorns inthe cushion of that chair that a man, no matter how earnest he strives todo jest right, can't help bein' pricked by 'em and held back. And I know hecould never done them errents in the time she sot, but I'm in hopes he'llthrow his powerful influence jest as fur as he can on the side of right, and justice to all the citizens of the U. S. , wimmen as well as men. 

'Tennyrate, he has showed more heroism now than many soldiers who risk lifeon the battle field. For the worst foe to fight and conquer is Ridicule;and he and others in high places have attackted Fashion so entrenched inthe solid armour of Habit that most public men wouldn't have dasted to takearms agin it. 

And the long waves of Time must swash up agin the shores of Eternity, before the good it has done can be estimated. How fur the influence hasextended. How many weak wills been strengthened. How many broken heartshealed. How many young lives inspired to nobler and saner living. 

But to resoom forward, I can't nor won't carry them errents of Serepta'sthere again. It is too wearin' for one of my age and my rheumatiz. What atedious time I did put in there. It wuz a day long to be remembered by me. 

IX

THE WOMEN'S PARADE

Josiah come home from Jonesville one day, all wrought up. He'd took off abig crate of eggs and got returns from several crates he'd sent to NewYork, an' he sez to me:

"That consarned Middleman is cheatin' me the worst kind. I know the yallerPlymouth Rock eggs ort to bring mor'n the white Leghorns; they're biggerand it stands to reason they're worth more, and he don't give nigh so much. I believe he eats 'em himself and that's why he wants to git 'em cheaper. "

"No Middleman, " sez I, "could eat fifty dozen a week. "

"He could if he eat enough at one time. 'Tennyrate, I'm goin' to New Yorkto see about it. "

"When are you goin'?" sez I. 

"I'm goin' to-morrow mornin'. I'm goin' in onexpected and I lay out tocatch him devourin' them big eggs himself. "

"Oh, shaw!" sez I. "The idee!"

"Well, I say the Trusts and Middlemen are dishonest as the old Harry. Don'tyou remember what one on 'em writ to Uncle Sime Bentley and what he writback? He'd sent a great load of potatoes to him and he didn't get hardlyanything for 'em, only their big bill for sellin' 'em. They charged him forfreightage, carage, storage, porterage, weightage, and to make their billlonger, they put in _ratage_ and _satage_. 

"Uncle Sime writ back 'You infarnel thief, you, put in "stealage" and keepthe whole on't. '"

But I sez, "They're not all dishonest. There are good men among 'em as wellas bad. "

"Well, I lay out to see to it myself, and if they ever charge me for'ratage' and 'satage' I'm goin' to see what they are, and how they look. "

"Well, " sez I, "if you're bound to go, I'll get up and get a good breakfastand go with you. " It was the day of the Woman's Suffrage Parade and Iwanted to see it. I wanted to like a dog, and had ever since I hearn of it. Though some of the Jonesvillians felt different. The Creation Searchin'Society wuz dretful exercised about it. The President's stepma is a strongShe Aunty and has always ruled Philander with an iron hand. I've alwaysnoticed that women who didn't want any rights always took the right to havetheir own way. But 'tennyrate Philander come up a very strong He Aunty. And he felt that the Creation Searchers ort to go to New York that day toassist the Aunties in sneerin' at the marchers, writin' up the parade, and helpin' count 'em. Philander wuz always good at figures, specially atsubtraction, and he and his Step Ma thought he ort to be there to help. 

I told Josiah I guessed the She Aunties didn't need no help at that. 

But Philander called a meetin' of the Creation Searchers to makearrangements to go. And I spoze the speech he made at the meetin' wuz apowerful effort. And the members most all on 'em believin' as he did--theysaid it wuz a dretful interestin' meetin'. Sunthin' like a love feast, onlymore wrought up and excitin'. 

The editor of the _Auger_ printed the whole thing in his paper, andsaid it give a staggerin' blow agin Woman's Suffrage, and he didn't knowbut it wuz a death blow--he hoped it wuz. 

"A Woman's Parade, " sez Philander, "is the most abominable sight ever seenon our planetary system. Onprotected woman dressed up in fine clothesstandin' up on her feet, and paradin' herself before strange men. Oh! howbold! Oh! how onwomanly! No wonder, " says he, "the She Aunties are shockedat the sight, and say they marched to attract the attention of men. Whycan't women stay to home and set down and knit? And then men would love'em. But if they keep on with these bold, forward actions, men won't love'em, and they will find out so. And it has always been, and is now, man'sgreatest desire and chiefest aim he has aimed at, to protect women, tothrow the shinin' mantilly of his constant devotion about her delikit formand shield her and guard her like the very apples in his eyes. 

"Woman is too sweet and tender a flower to have any such hardship put uponher, and it almost crazes a man, and makes him temporarily out of his head, to see women do anything to hazard that inheriant delicacy of hern, thatalways appealed so to the male man. 

"Let us go forth, clad in our principles (and ordinary clothing, ofcourse), and show just where we stand on the woman question, and do all wecan to assist the gentle feminine She Aunties. Lovely, retirin' femaleswhose pictures we so often see gracin' the sensational newspapers. Theirwhite womanly neck and shoulders, glitterin' with jewels, no brighter thantheir eyes. They don't appear there for sex appeal, or to win admiration. No indeed! No doubt they shrink from the publicity. And also shrink frommaking speeches in the Senate chambers or the halls of Justice, but will doso, angelic martyrs that they are, to hold their erring Suffrage sistersback from their brazen efforts at publicity and public speakin'. "

They said his speech wuz cheered wildly, give out for publication, andentered into the moments of the Society. 

But after all, it happened real curious the day of the Parade every leadin'Creation Searcher had some impediment in his way, and couldn't go, and ofcourse, the Society didn't want to go without its leaders. 

Mis' Philander Daggett, the president's wife, wuz paperin' her settin' roomand parlor overhead. She wuz expectin' company and couldn't put it off. And bein' jest married, and thinkin' the world of her, Philander said hedassent leave home for fear she'd fall offen the barrel and break her neck. She had a board laid acrost two barrels to stand up on. And every dayPhilander would leave his outside work and come into the house, and setround and watch her--he thought so much of her. I suppose he wanted tocatch her if she fell. But I didn't think she would fall. She is young andtuff, and she papered it real good, though it wuz dretful hard on her armsockets and back. 

And the Secretary's wife wuz puttin' in a piece of onions. She thought shewould make considerable by it, and she will, if onions keep up. But it isturrible hard on a woman's back to weed 'em. But she is ambitious; sheraised a flock of fifty-six turkeys last year besides doin' her housework, and makin' seventy-five yards of rag carpet. And she thought onionswouldn't be so wearin' on her as turkeys, for onions, she said, will staywhere they are put, but turkeys are born wanderers and hikers. And they ledher through sun and rain, swamp and swale, uphill and downhill, a-chasin''em up, but she made well by 'em. Well, in puttin' in her onion seed, sheoverworked herself and got a crick in her back, so she couldn't stir handnor foot for two days. And bein' only just them two, her husband had tostay home to see to things. 

And the Treasurer's wife is canvassin' for the life of William J. Bryan. And wantin' to make all she could, she took a longer tramp than common, anddidn't hear of the Parade or meetin' of the C. S. S. At all. She writ homea day or two before the meetin', that she wuz goin' as long as her legsheld out, and they needn't write to her, for she didn't know where shewould be. 

Well, of course, the Creation Searchers didn't want to go without theirofficers. They said they couldn't make no show if they did. So they give upgoin'. But I spoze they made fun of the Woman's Parade amongst theirselves, and mourned over their indelikit onwomanly actions, and worried about itbein' too hard for 'em, and sneered at 'em considerable. 

Well, Josiah always loves to have me with him, an' though he'd made lightof the Parade, he didn't object to my goin'. And suffice it to say that wearrove at that Middleman's safe and sound, though why we didn't git lost inthat grand immense depo and wander 'round there all day like babes in thewoods, is more'n I can tell. 

The Middleman wuzn't dishonest: he convinced Josiah on it. He had shippedthe colored eggs somewhere, and of course he couldn't pay as much, and henever had hearn of _Ratage_ or _Satage_. He wuz a real pleasantMiddleman, and hearing me say how much I wanted to see the Woman's Parade, he invited us to go upstairs and set by a winder, where there was a goodview on't. We'd eat our lunch on the train and we accepted his invitation, and sot down by a winder then and there, though it wuz a hour or so beforethe time sot for the Parade. And I should have taken solid comfort watchin'the endless procession of men and women and vehicles of all sorts anddescriptions, but Josiah made so many slightin' remarks on the dress ofthe females passin' below on the sidewalk, that it made me feel bad. Andto tell the truth, though I didn't think best to own up to it to him, I_did_ blush for my sect to see the way some on 'em rigged themselvesout. 

"See that thing!" Josiah sez, as a woman passed by with her hat drawed downover one eye, and a long quill standin' out straight behind more'n a foot, an' her dress puckered in so 'round the bottom, she couldn't have took along step if a mad dog wuz chasin' her--to say nothin' of bein' perched upon such high heels, that she fairly tottled when she walked. 

Sez Josiah: "Does that _thing_ know enough to vote?"

"No, " sez I, reasonably, "she don't. But most probable if she had biggerthings to think about she'd loosen the puckerin' strings 'round her ankles, push her hat back out of her eyes, an' get down on her feet again. "

"Why, Samantha, " says he, "if you had on one of them skirts tied 'roundyour ankles, if I wuz a-dyin' on the upper shelf in the buttery, youcouldn't step up on a chair to get to me to save your life, an' I'd haveto die there alone. "

"Why should you be dyin' on the buttery shelf, Josiah?" sez I. 

"Oh, that wuz jest a figger of speech, Samantha. "

"But folks ort to be mejum in figgers of speech, Josiah, and not go toofur. "

"Do you think, Samantha, that anybody can go too fur in describin' themfool skirts, and them slit skirts, and the immodesty and indecensy of someof them dresses?"

[Illustration: "Sez Josiah, 'Does that thing know enough to vote?'"]

"I don't know as they can, " sez I, sadly. 

"Jest look at that thing, " sez he again. 

And as I looked, the hot blush of shame mantillied my cheeks, for I feltthat my sect was disgraced by the sight. She wuz real pretty, but shedidn't have much of any clothes on, and what she did wear wuzn't in theright place; not at all. 

Sez Josiah, "That girl would look much more modest and decent if she wuznaked, for then she might be took for a statute. "

And I sez, "I don't blame the good Priest for sendin' them away from theLord's table, sayin', 'I will give no communion to a Jezabel. ' And the pityof it is, " sez I, "lots of them girls are innocent and don't realize whatconstruction will be put on the dress they blindly copy from some furrinfashion plate. "

Then quite an old woman passed by, also robed or disrobed in the prevailin'fashion, and Josiah sez, soty vosy, "I should think she wuz old enough toknow sunthin'. Who wants to see her old bones?" And he sez to me, realuppish, "Do you think them things know enough to vote?"

But jest then a young man went by dressed fashionably, but if he hadn't hadthe arm of a companion, he couldn't have walked a step; his face wuz redand swollen, and dissipated, and what expression wuz left in his face wuz afool expression, and both had cigarettes in their mouths, and I sez, "Does_that_ thing know enough to vote?" And jest behind them come a lotof furrin laborers, rough and rowdy-lookin', with no more expression intheir faces than a mule or any other animal. "Do _they_ know enoughto vote?" sez I. "As for the fitness for votin' it is pretty even on bothsides. Good intelligent men ortn't to lose the right of suffrage for thevice and ignorance of some of their sect, and that argument is jest asstrong for the other sect. "

But before Josiah could reply, we hearn the sound of gay music, and theParade began to march on before us. First a beautiful stately figure seatedfearlessly on a dancin' horse, that tossted his head as if proud of theburden he wuz carryin'. She managed the prancin' steed with one hand, and with the other held aloft the flag of our country. Jest as women ortto, and have to. They have got to manage wayward pardners, children anddomestics who, no matter how good they are, will take their bits in theirmouths, and go sideways some of the time, but can be managed by a sensible, affectionate hand, and with her other hand at the same time she can carryher principles aloft, wavin' in every domestic breeze, frigid or torrid, plain to be seen by everybody. 

Then come the wives and relations of Senators and Congressmen, showin' thatbein' right on the spot they knowed what wimmen needed. Then the wimmenvoters from free Suffrage states, showin' by their noble looks that votin'hadn't hurt 'em any. They carried the most gorgeous banner in the wholeParade. Then the Wimmen's Political Union, showin' plain in their facesthat understandin' the laws that govern her ain't goin' to keep woman fromlooking beautiful and attractive. 

On and on they come, gray-headed women and curly-headed children fromevery station in life: the millionairess by the working woman, and thefashionable society woman by the business one. Two women on horseback, and one blowin' a bugle, led the way for the carriage of Madam AntoinetteBlackwell. I wonder if she ever dreamed when she wuz tryin' to climb thehill of knowledge through the thorny path of sex persecution, that shewould ever have a bugle blowed in front of her, to honor her for herefforts, and form a part of such a glorious Parade of the sect she give heryouth and strength to free. 

How they swept on, borne by the waves of music, heralded by wavin' bannersof purple and white and gold, bearin' upliftin' and noble mottoes. Physicians, lawyers, nurses, authors, journalists, artists, social workers, dressmakers, milliners, women from furrin countries dressed in their quaintcostumes, laundresses, clerks, shop girls, college girls, all bearin' thepennants and banners of their different colleges: Vassar, Wellesley, Smith, etc. , etc. High-school pupils, Woman's Suffrage League, Woman's SocialLeague, and all along the brilliant line each division dressed in beautifulcostumes and carryin' their own gorgeous banners. And anon or oftener allalong the long, long procession bands of music pealin' out high and sweet, as if the Spirit of Music, who is always depictered as a woman, was gladand proud to do honor to her own sect. And all through the Parade you couldsee every little while men on foot and on horseback, not a great many, butjest enough to show that the really noble men wuz on their side. For, asI've said more formally, that is one of the most convincin' arguments forWoman's Suffrage. In fact, it don't need any other. That bad men fightagainst Women's Suffrage with all their might. 

Down by the big marble library, the grand-stand wuz filled with men seatedto see their wives march by on their road to Victory. I hearn and believe, they wuz a noble-lookin' set of men. They had seen their wives in the pastchasin' Fashion and Amusement, and why shouldn't they enjoy seein' themfollow Principle and Justice? Well, I might talk all day and not beginto tell of the beauty and splendor of the Woman's Parade. And the mostimpressive sight to me wuz to see how the leaven of individual right andjustice had entered into all these different classes of society, and howtheir enthusiasm and earnestness must affect every beholder. 

And in my mind I drawed pictures of the different modes of our Americanwomen and our English sisters, each workin' for the same cause, but in whata different manner. Of course, our English sisters may have more reason fortheir militant doin's; more unjust laws regarding marriage--divorce, andcare of children, and I can't blame them married females for wantin' tocontrol their own money, specially if they earnt it by scrubbin' floorsand washin'. I can't blame 'em for not wantin' their husbands to takethat money from them and their children, specially if they're loafers anddrunkards. And, of course, there are no men so noble and generous as ourAmerican men. But jest lookin' at the matter from the outside and comparin'the two, I wuz proud indeed of our Suffragists. 

While our English sisters feel it their duty to rip and tear, burn andpillage, to draw attention to their cause, and reach the gole (whichI believe they have sot back for years) through the smoke and fire ofcarnage, our American Suffragettes employ the gentle, convincin' arts ofbeauty and reason. Some as the quiet golden sunshine draws out the flowersand fruit from the cold bosom of the earth. Mindin' their own business, antagonizin' and troublin' no one, they march along and show to everybeholder jest how earnest they be. They quietly and efficiently answer thatargument of the She Auntys, that women don't want to vote, by a parade twohours in length, of twenty thousand. They answer the argument that theballot would render women careless in dress and reckless, by organizin'and carryin' on a parade so beautiful, so harmonious in color and designthat it drew out enthusiastic praise from even the enemies of Suffrage. They quietly and without argument answered the old story that women wasonbusiness-like and never on time, by startin' the Parade the very minuteit was announced, which you can't always say of men's parades. 

It wuz a burnin' hot day, and many who'd always argued that women hadn'tstrength enough to lift a paper ballot, had prophesied that woman wuz toodelicately organized, too "fraguile, " as Betsy Bobbet would say, to endurethe strain of the long march in the torrid atmosphere. 

But I told Josiah that women had walked daily over the burning plow sharesof duty and domestic tribulation, till their feet had got calloused, andcould stand more'n you'd think for. 

And he said he didn't know as females had any more burnin' plow shares totread on than men had. 

And I sez, "I didn't say they had, Josiah. I never wanted women to get morepraise or justice than men. I simply want 'em to get as much--just an evenamount; for, " sez I, solemnly, "'male and female created He them. '"

Josiah is a deacon, and when I quote Scripture, he has to listenrespectful, and I went on: "I guess it wuz a surprise even to the marchersthat of all the ambulances that kept alongside the Parade to pick up faintand swoonin' females, the only one occupied wuz by a man. "

Josiah denied it, but I sez, "I see his boots stickin' out of the ambulancemyself. " Josiah couldn't dispute that, for he knows I am truthful. But hesez, sunthin' in the sperit of two little children I hearn disputin'. Sezone: "It wuzn't so; you've told a lie. "

"Well, " sez the other, "You broke a piece of china and laid it to me. "

Sez Josiah, "You may have seen a pair of men's boots a-stickin' out of theambulance, but I'll bet they didn't have heels on 'em a inch broad, andfive or six inches high. "

"No, Josiah, " sez I, "you're right. Men think too much of their comfort andhealth to hist themselves up on such little high tottlin' things, and youdidn't see many on 'em in the Parade. "

But he went on drivin' the arrow of higher criticism still deeper intomy onwillin' breast. "I'll bet you didn't see his legs tied together atthe ankles, or his trouses slit up the sides to show gauze stockin's andanklets and diamond buckles. And you didn't see my sect who honored theParade by marchin' in it, have a goose quill half a yard long, standin'up straight in the air from a coal-scuttle hat, or out sideways, a hejussight, and threatenin' the eyes of friend and foe. "

"And you didn't see many on 'em in the Parade, " sez I agin. "Women, as theymarch along to Victory, have got to drop some of these senseless things. In fact, they are droppin' em. You don't see waists now the size of a hourglass. It is gettin' fashionable to breathe now, and women on their way totheir gole will drop by the way their high heels; it will git fashionableto walk comfortable, and as they've got to take some pretty long steps toreach the ballot in 1916, it stands to reason they've got to have a skirtwide enough at the bottom to step up on the gole of Victory. It is a highstep, Josiah, but women are goin' to take it. They've always tended tocleanin' their own house, and makin' it comfortable and hygenic for itsmembers, big and little. And when they turn their minds onto the best wayto clean the National house both sects have to live in to make it cleanand comfortable and safe for the weak and helpless as well as for thestrong--it stands to reason they won't have time or inclination to stand upon stilts with tied-in ankles, quilled out like savages. "

"Well, " said Josiah, with a dark, forebodin' look on his linement, "_weshall see_. "

"Yes, " sez I, with a real radiant look into the future. "_We shallsee_, Josiah. "

But he didn't have no idea of the beautiful prophetic vision I beheldwith the eyes of my sperit. Good men and good women, each fillin' theirdifferent spears in life, but banded together for the overthrow of evil, the uplift of the race. 

X

"THE CREATION SEARCHIN' SOCIETY"

It was only a few days after we got home from New York that Josiah comeinto the house dretful excited. He'd had a invitation to attend a meetin'of the Creation Searchin' Society. 

"Why, " sez I, "did they invite you? You are not a member?"

"No, " sez he, "but they want me to help 'em be indignant. It is aindignation meetin'. "

"Indignant about what?" I sez. 

"Fur be it from me, Samantha, to muddle up your head and hurt your feelin'sby tellin' you what it's fur. " And he went out quick and shet the door. ButI got a splendid dinner and afterwards he told me of his own accord. 

I am not a member, of course, for the president, Philander Daggett, said itwould lower the prestige of the society in the eyes of the world to haveeven one female member. This meetin' wuz called last week for the purposeof bein' indignant over the militant doin's of the English Suffragettes. Josiah and several others in Jonesville wuz invited to be present at thismeetin' as sort of honorary members, as they wuz competent to be jest asindignant as any other male men over the tribulations of their sect. 

Josiah said so much about the meetin', and his Honorary Indignation, thathe got me curious, and wantin' to go myself, to see how it wuz carried on. But I didn't have no hopes on't till Philander Daggett's new young wifecome to visit me and I told her how much I wanted to go, and she bein' realgood-natered said she would make Philander let me in. 

He objected, of course, but she is pretty and young, and his nater bein'kinder softened and sweetened by the honey of the honeymoon, she got roundhim. And he said that if we would set up in a corner of the gallery behindthe melodeon, and keep our veils on, he would let her and me in. But wemust keep it secret as the grave, for he would lose all the influence hehad with the other members and be turned out of the Presidential chair ifit wuz knowed that he had lifted wimmen up to such a hite, and gin 'em sucha opportunity to feel as if they wuz equal to men. 

Well, we went early and Josiah left me to Philander's and went on to dosome errents. He thought I wuz to spend the evenin' with her in becomin'seclusion, a-knittin' on his blue and white socks, as a woman should. Butafter visitin' a spell, jest after it got duskish, we went out the backdoor and went cross lots, and got there ensconced in the dark cornerwithout anybody seein' us and before the meetin' begun. 

Philander opened the meetin' by readin' the moments of the last meetin', which wuz one of sympathy with the police of Washington for their nobleefforts to break up the Woman's Parade, and after their almost Herculaneumlabor to teach wimmen her proper place, and all the help they got from thehoodlum and slum elements, they had failed in a measure, and the wimmen, though stunned, insulted, spit on, struck, broken boneded, maimed, and toreto pieces, had succeeded in their disgustin' onwomanly undertakin'. 

But it wuz motioned and carried that a vote of thanks be sent 'em andrecorded in the moments that the Creation Searchers had no blame but onlysympathy and admiration for the hard worked Policemen for they had done allthey could to protect wimmen's delicacy and retirin' modesty, and put herin her place, and no man in Washington or Jonesville could do more. He readthese moments, in a real tender sympathizin' voice, and I spoze the memberssympathized with him, or I judged so from their linements as I wentforward, still as a mouse, and peeked down on 'em. 

He then stopped a minute and took a drink of water; I spoze his sympatheticemotions had het him up, and kinder dried his mouth, some. And then he wenton to state that this meetin' wuz called to show to the world, abroad andnigh by, the burnin' indignation this body felt, as a society, at theturrible sufferin's and insults bein' heaped onto their male brethrenin England by the indecent and disgraceful doin's of the militantSuffragettes, and to devise, if possible, some way to help their malebrethren acrost the sea. "For, " sez he, "pizen will spread. How do we knowhow soon them very wimmen who had to be spit on and struck and tore topieces in Washington to try to make 'em keep their place, the sacred andtender place they have always held enthroned as angels in a man's heart--"

Here he stopped and took out his bandanna handkerchief, and wiped his eyes, and kinder choked. But I knew it wuz all a orator's art, and it didn'taffect me, though I see a number of the members wipe their eyes, for thistalk appealed to the inheriant chivalry of men, and their desire to protectwimmen, we have always hearn so much about. 

"How do we know, " he continued, "how soon they may turn aginst their bestfriends, them who actuated by the loftiest and tenderest emotions, anddetermination to protect the weaker sect at any cost, took their valuabletime to try to keep wimmen down where they ort to be, _angels of thehome_, who knows but they may turn and throw stuns at the Capitol an'badger an' torment our noble lawmakers, a-tryin' to make 'em listen totheir silly petitions for justice?"

In conclusion, he entreated 'em to remember that the eye of the world wuzon 'em, expectin' 'em to be loyal to the badgered and woman endangered sectabroad, and try to suggest some way to stop them woman's disgracefuldoin's. 

Cyrenus Presly always loves to talk, and he always looks on the dark sideof things, and he riz up and said "he didn't believe nothin' could be done, for by all he'd read about 'em, the men had tried everything possible tokeep wimmen down where they ort to be, they had turned deaf ears to theircomplaints, wouldn't hear one word they said, they had tried drivin'and draggin' and insults of all kinds, and breakin' their bones, andimprisonment, and stuffin' 'em with rubber tubes, thrust through their nosedown into their throats. And he couldn't think of a thing more that couldbe done by men, and keep the position men always had held as wimmen'sgardeens and protectors, and he said he thought men might jest as well keepstill and let 'em go on and bring the world to ruin, for that was what theywuz bound to do, and they couldn't be stopped unless they wuz killed off. "

Phileman Huffstater is a old bachelder, and hates wimmen. He had been on adrunk and looked dretful, tobacco juice runnin' down his face, his red hairall towsled up, and his clothes stiff with dirt. He wuzn't invited, but hadcome of his own accord. He had to hang onto the seat in front of him as heriz up and said:

"He believed that wuz the best and only way out on't, for men to rise upand kill off the weaker sect, for their wuzn't never no trouble of any nameor nater, but what wimmen wuz to the bottom on't, and the world would bebetter off without 'em. " But Philander scorfed at him and reminded him thatsuch hullsale doin's would put an end to the world's bein' populated atall. 

But Phileman said in a hicuppin', maudlin way that "the world had betterstop, if there had got to be such doin's, wimmen risin' up on every side, and pretendin' to be equal with men. "

Here his knee jints kinder gin out under him, and he slid down onto theseat and went to sleep. 

I guess the members wuz kinder shamed of Phileman, for Lime Peedick jumpedup quick as scat and said, "It seemed the Englishmen had tried mosteverything else, and he wondered how it would work if them militant wimmencould be ketched and a dose of sunthin' bitter and sickenin' poured down'em. Every time they broached that loathsome doctrine of equal rights, andtried to make lawmakers listen to their petitions, jest ketch 'em and pourdown 'em a big dose of wormwood or sunthin' else bitter and sickenin', andhe guessed they would git tired on't. "

But here Josiah jumped up quick and said, "he objected, " he said, "thatwould endanger the right wimmen always had, and ort to have of cookin' goodvittles for men and doin' their housework, and bearin' and bringin' uptheir children, and makin' and mendin' and waitin' on 'em. He said nothin'short of a Gatlin gun could keep Samantha from speakin' her mind about suchthings, and he wuzn't willin' to have her made sick to the stomach, andincapacitated from cookin' by any such proceedin's. "

The members argued quite awhile on this pint, but finally come round toJosiah's idees, and the meetin' for a few minutes seemed to come to astandstill, till old Cornelius Snyder got up slowly and feebly. He hasspazzums and can't hardly wobble. His wife has to support him, wash anddress him, and take care on him like a baby. But he has the use of histongue, and he got some man to bring him there, and he leaned heavy on hiscane, and kinder stiddied himself on it and offered this suggestion:

"How would it do to tie females up when they got to thinkin' they wuz equalto men, halter 'em, rope 'em, and let 'em see if they wuz?"

But this idee wuz objected to for the same reason Josiah had advanced, asPhilander well said, "wimmen had got to go foot loose in order to do thehousework and cookin'. "

Uncle Sime Bentley, who wuz awful indignant, said, "I motion that men shalltake away all the rights that wimmen have now, turn 'em out of the meetin'house, and grange. "

But before he'd hardly got the words out of his mouth, seven of the membersriz up and as many as five spoke out to once with different exclamations:

"That won't do! we can't do that! Who'll do all the work! Who'll git upgrange banquets and rummage sales, and paper and paint and put down carpetsin the meetin' house, and git up socials and entertainments to help pay theminister's salary, and carry on the Sunday School? and tend to its picnicsand suppers, and take care of the children? We can't do this, much as we'dlove to. "

One horsey, sporty member, also under the influence of liquor, riz up, andmade a feeble motion, "Spozin' we give wimmen liberty enough to work, leave'em hand and foot loose, and sort o' muzzle 'em so they can't talk. "

This seemed to be very favorably received, 'specially by the marriedmembers, and the secretary wuz jest about to record it in the moments asa scheme worth tryin', when old Doctor Nugent got up, and sez in a firm, decided way:

"Wimmen cannot be kept from talking without endangerin' her life; as amedical expert I object to this motion. "

"How would you put the objection?" sez the secretary. 

"On the ground of cruelty to animals, " sez the doctor. 

A fat Englishman who had took the widder Shelmadine's farm on shares, says, "I 'old with Brother Josiah Hallen's hargument. As the father of nine youngchildren and thirty cows to milk with my wife's 'elp, I 'old she musn't bekep' from work, but h'I propose if we can't do anything else that a cardof sympathy be sent to hold Hengland from the Creation Searchin' Societyof America, tellin' 'em 'ow our 'earts bleeds for the men's sufferin' and'ardships in 'avin' to leave their hoccupations to beat and 'aul round anddrive females to jails, and feed 'em with rubber hose through their nosesto keep 'em from starvin' to death for what they call their principles. "

This motion wuz carried unanimously. 

But here an old man, who had jest dropped in and who wuz kinder deef andslow-witted, asked, "What it is about anyway? what do the wimmen ask forwhen they are pounded and jailed and starved?"

Hank Yerden, whose wife is a Suffragist, and who is mistrusted to have aleanin' that way himself, answered him, "Oh, they wanted the lawmakers toread their petitions asking for the rights of ordinary citizens. They saidas long as their property wuz taxed they had the right of representation. And as long as the law punished wimmen equally with men, they had a rightto help make that law, and as long as men claimed wimmen's place wuz home, they wanted the right to guard that home. And as long as they broughtchildren into the world they wanted the right to protect 'em. And when thelawmakers wouldn't hear a word they said, and beat 'em and drove 'em roundand jailed 'em, they got mad as hens, and are actin' like furiation andwild cats. But claim that civil rights wuz never give to any class withoutwarfare. "

"Heavens! what doin's!" sez old Zephaniah Beezum, "what is the world comin'to!" "Angle worms will be risin' up next and demandin' to not be trod on. "Sez he, "I have studied the subject on every side, and I claim the bestway to deal with them militant females is to banish 'em to some barrenwilderness, some foreign desert where they can meditate on their crimes, and not bother men. "

This idee wuz received favorably by most of the members, but othersdiffered and showed the weak p'ints in it, and it wuz gin up. 

Well, at ten P. M. , the Creation Searchers gin up after arguin' pro and con, con and pro, that they could not see any way out of the matter, they couldnot tell what to do with the wimmen without danger and trouble to the malesect. 

They looked dretful dejected and onhappy as they come to this conclusion, my pardner looked as if he wuz most ready to bust out cryin'. And as Ilooked on his beloved linement I forgot everything else and onbeknown to meI leaned over the railin' and sez:

"Here is sunthin' that no one has seemed to think on at home or abroad. Howwould it work to stop the trouble by givin' the wimmen the rights they askfor, the rights of any other citizen?"

I don't spoze there will ever be such another commotion and upheaval inJonesville till Michael blows his last trump as follered my speech. Knowin'wimmen wuz kep' from the meetin', some on 'em thought it wuz a voice fromanother spear. Them wuz the skairt and horrow struck ones, and them thatthought it wuz a earthly woman's voice wuz so mad that they wuz by the sideof themselves and carried on fearful. But when they searched the galleryfor wimmen or ghosts, nothin' wuz found, for Philander's wife and I hadscooted acrost lots and wuz to home a-knittin' before the men got there. 

And I d'no as anybody but Philander to this day knows what, or who it wuz. 

And I d'no as my idee will be follered, but I believe it is the best wayout on't for men and wimmen both, and would stop the mad doin's of theEnglish Suffragettes, which I don't approve of, no indeed! much as Isympathize with the justice of their cause.