SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS EXPOSITION

BY

JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE (MARIETTA HOLLEY)

ILLUSTRATIONS BY CH. GRUNWALD

1904

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

[Transcriber's note: These are the captioned halftone illustrations. There are several other uncaptioned line drawings. ]

He showed 'em in a careless way as much as fifteen dollars in cash

Josiah's good nater returnin' with every mouthful he took

It is the big crowd that is surgin' through the Pike to and fro, fro andto

"I hain't Theodore. I'm President of a Gas Company. "

She laid her pretty head in my lap, sobbin' out, "What shall I do? Whatshall I do?"

Good land! I couldn't sort 'em out and describe them that passed by inan hour. _Frontispiece_

SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS EXPOSITION

CHAPTER I. 

I had noticed for some time that Josiah Allen had acted queer. He wouldseem lost in thought anon or oftener, and then seemin'ly roust himselfup and try to act natural. 

And anon he would drag his old tin chest out from under the backstairway and pour over musty old deeds and papers, drawed up by hisgreat-grandpa mebby. 

He did this last act so often that I said to him one day, "What underthe sun do you find in them yeller old papers to attract you so, Josiah?"

But he looked queer at me, queer as a dog, as if he wuz lookin' throughme to some distant view that interested him dretfully, and answeredevasive, and mebby he wouldn't answer at all. 

And then I'd see him and Uncle Sime Bentley, his particular chum, withtheir heads clost together, seemin'ly plottin' sunthin' or ruther, though what it wuz I couldn't imagine. 

And then they would bend their heads eagerly over the daily papers, andmore'n once Josiah got down our old Olney's Atlas and he and Uncle Simewould pour over it and whisper, though what it wuz about I couldn'timagine. And if I'd had the curosity of some wimmen it would drove meinto a caniption fit. 

And more'n a dozen times I see him and Uncle Sime down by the backpaster on the creek pacin' to and fro as if they wuz measurin' land. Andmost of all they seemed to be measurin' off solemn like and importantthe lane from the creek lot up to the house and takin' measurements, asqueer lookin' sights as I ever see, and then they would consult thepapers and atlas agin, and whisper and act. 

And about this time he begun to talk to me about the St. LouisExposition. He opened the subject one day by remarkin' that he spozed Ihad never hearn of the Louisana Purchase. He said that the minds offemales in their leisure hours bein' took up by more frivolous things, such as tattin' and crazy bed-quilts, he spozed that I, bein' a femalewoman, had never hearn on't. 

And my mind bein' at that time took up in startin' the seams in a blueand white sock I wuz knittin' for him, didn't reply, and he went on andtalked and talked about it. 

But good land! I knowed all about the Louisana Purchase; I knowed itcome into our hands in 1803, that immense tract of land, settlin'forever in our favor the war for supremacy on this continent betweenourselves and England, and givin' us the broad highway of theMississippi to sail to and fro on which had been denied us, besides theenormous future increase in our wealth and population. 

I knowed that between 1700 and 1800 this tract wuz tossted back andforth between France and Spain and England some as if it wuz a immenseatlas containing pictured earth and sea instead of the real land andwater. 

It passed backwards and forwards through the century till 1803 when itbein' at the time in the hands of France, we bought it of NapoleonBonaparte who had got possession of it a few years before, and Heavenonly knows what ambitious dreams of foundin' a new empire in a newFrance filled that powerful brain, under that queer three-cornered hatof hisen when he got it of Spain. 

But 'tennyrate he sold it in 1803 to our country, the writin's bein'drawed up by Thomas Jefferson, namesake of our own Thomas Jefferson, Josiah's child by his first wife. Napoleon, or I spoze it would soundmore respectful to call him Mr. Bonaparte, he wanted money bad, and hedidn't want England to git ahead, and so he sold it to us. 

He acted some as Miss Bobbett did when she sot up her niece, Mahala Hen, in dressmakin' for fear Miss Henzy's girl would git all the custom andgit rich. She'd had words with Miss Henzy and wanted to bring down herpride. And we bein' some like Miss Hen in sperit (she had had troublewith Miss Henzy herself, and wuz dretful glad to have Mahala sot up), wewuz more'n willin' to buy it of Mr. Bonaparte. You know he didn't likeEngland, he had had words with her, and almost come to hands and blows, and it did come to that twelve years afterwards. 

But poor creeter! I never felt like makin' light of his reverses, for donot we, poor mortals! have to face our Waterloo some time durin' ourlives, when we have fought the battle and lost, when the ground iscovered with slain Hopes, Ambition, Happiness, when the music isstilled, the stringed instruments and drums broken to pieces, or givin'out only wailin' accompaniments to the groans and cries of the dyin'layin' low in the dust. 

We marched onward in the mornin' mebby with flyin' colors towardsVictory, with gaily flutterin' banners and glorious music. Then come theInevitable to crush us, and though we might not be doomed to a desertisland in body, yet our souls dwell there for quite a spell. 

Till mebby we learn to pick up what is left of value on the lost field, try to mend the old instruments that never sound as they did before. Sewwith tremblin' fingers the rents in the old tattered banners which Hopenever carries agin with so high a head, and fall into the ranks andmarch forward with slower, more weary steps and our sad eyes bent towardthe settin' sun. 

But to stop eppisodin' and resoom. I had hearn all about how it wuzbought and how like every new discovery, or man or woman worth while, the Purchase had to meet opposition and ridicule, though some propheticsouls, like Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Livingstone and others, seemed to lookforward through the mists of the future and see fertile fields andstately cities filled with crowds of prosperous citizens, where wuz thenalmost impassable swamps and forests inhabited by whoopin' savages. 

And Mr. Bonaparte himself, let us not forgit in this proud year offulfilled hopes and achievement and progress how he always seemed to setstore by us and his words wuz prophetic of our nation's gloriousdestiny. 

I had knowed all about this but Josiah seemed to delight to instruct meas carefully as a mother would guide a prattlin' child jest beginnin' towalk on its little feet. And some times I would resent it, and sometimes when I wuz real good natured, for every human bein' no matter howhigh principled, has ebbs and flows in their moral temperatures, sometimes I would let him instruct me and take it meekly like a childlearnin' its A-B abs. 

But to resoom. Day by day Josiah's strange actions continued, and atintervals growin' still more and more frequent and continuous he acted, till at last the truth oozed out of him like water out of a tub that hasbeen filled too full, it wuz after an extra good meal that he confidedin me. 

He said the big celebration of the Louisana Purchase had set him tothinkin' and he'd investigated his own private affairs and haddiscovered important facts that had made him feel that he too must makea celebration of the Purchase of the Allen Homestead. 

"On which we are now dwellin', Samantha, " sez he. "Seventy-four acresmore or less runnin' up to a stake and back agin, to wit, as the papersez. "

Sez I, "You needn't talk like a lawyer to me, Josiah Allen, but tell meplain as a man and a deacon what you mean. "

"Well, I'm tellin' you, hain't I, fast as I can? I've found out by myown deep research (the tin trunk wuzn't more'n a foot deep but I didn'tthrow the trunk in his face), I've discovered this remarkable fact thatthis farm the very year of the Louisana Purchase came into the Allenfamily by purchase. My great-great-grandfather, Hatevil Allen, bought itof Ohbejoyful Gowdey, and the papers wuz signed the very day the othermomentous purchase wuz made. 

"There wuz fourteen children in the family of old Hatevil, jest as manyas there is States in the purchase they are celebratin' to St. Louis. 

"And another wonderful fact old Hatevil Allen paid jest the same amountfor this farm that our Government paid for the Louisiana Purchase. "

"Do you mean to tell me, Josiah, that Hatevil Allen paid fifteenmillions for this farm. Will you tell me that? You, a member of themeetin' house and a deacon?"

"Well, what you might call the same, it is the same figgers with the sixorts left out. Great-granther Allen paid fifteen dollars for this pieceof land, it wuz all woods then. "

"Another of these most remarkable series of incidents that have evertook place on this continent, Thomas Jefferson wuz a main actor in theLouisana Purchase. He has left this spear some years ago, and who, whois the father of Thomas Jefferson to-day?"

I didn't say nothin', for I wuz engrossed in my knittin', I wuz jestturnin' the heel of his sock and needed my hull mind. 

"And, " sez he, smitin' his breast agin, "I ask you, Samantha, who is thefather of Thomas Jefferson to-day?"

I had by this time turned the heel and I sez, "Why, I spoze he's got thesame father now he always had, children don't change their fathers veryoften as a general thing. "

"Well, you needn't be so grumpy about it. Don't you see that thesewonderful coincidences are enough to apall a light-minded person. Why, I, even I with my cast iron strength of mind, have almost felt my brainstagger and reel as I onraveled the momentous affair. 

"And I am plannin' a celebration, Samantha, that will hist up the nameof Allen where it ort to be onto the very top of Fame's towerin' pillow, and keep it in everlastin' remembrance. 

"And I, Samantha, " and here he smote himself agin in the breast, "I, Josiah Allen, havin' exposed these circumstances, the most remarkable inAmerican history, I lay out to name my show the Exposition of JosiahAllen. And I've thought some times that in order to mate mine with theSt. Louis show, as you may say, I'd mebby ort to call myself St. Josiah. "

"Saint Josiah!" sez I, and my axent wuz that icy cold that he shiveredimperceptibly and added hastily, "Well, we will leave that to the futureto decide. "

"But, " sez he firmly, spruntin' up agin, "if the nation calls on me toname myself thus I shall respond, and expose myself at my Exposition asSaint Josiah. "

Sez I anxiously, "I wouldn't expose myself too much, Josiah. Youremember the pa that took his weak-minded child to the ball, and toldhim to set still and not speak or they would find him out. 

"And they asked him question after question and he didn't say a word, and finally they begun to scoff at him and told him he wuz a fool, andhe called out, 'Father, father, they've found me out. '"

Josiah sez snappishly, "What you mean by bringin' that old chestnut up Icant see. "

"Well, " sez I, "I shan't sew the moral on any tighter. " But he kep' onignorin' my sarcastick allusion. 

"To keep up the train of almost miraclous incidents marchin' alongthrough the past connecting the St. Louis and the Allen Purchase likehistorical twins, I'm goin' to spend on the Exposition of Josiah Allenjest the amount paid for the other original purchase, and I may, forthere is no tellin' what a Allen may do when his blood is rousted up, Imay swing right out and pay jest the same amount St. Louis is payin' forher Exposition. "

"Fifty millions!" sez I with emotions of or--or to think I had a pardnerthat would tell such a gigantic falsehood, and instinctively I thoughtof a story I'd hearn Thomas Jefferson tell the evenin' before. 

He said three commercial travelers wuz talkin' before an old man fromthe country whose loose fittin' clothes were gently scattered withhay-seed. The first one told with minute particulars of a Westerncyclone that had lifted a house and sot it down in a neighborin'township. The next one said that he wuz knowin' to the circumstances andhow the cyclone swep back and brought the suller and sot it down underthe house. And the third one remembered vividly how the cyclone wentback the second time and brought the hole the suller left anddistributed it round under the new site. 

The old man listened with deep interest, and said he wuz glad he'd hadthe privelige of hearin' 'em, for their talk had cleared up a Bibleverse he'd long pondered over. 

They wuz astounded to think their talk had awakened religiousmeditations. But the old gentleman said their conversation had clearedup that passage where it said:

"Annanias come forth. "

He said it wuz now plain to him that it meant that these three drummersshould stand before Annanias, the Prince of Liars, he takin' his placebehind 'em, the fourth in the rank of liars. 

But this is neither here or there I only mention it as comin' into mymind instinctively and onbeknown to myself as I hearn Josiah Allen'sremark, it came and went, as thoughts will, like a lightning flash, evenas I wuz repeatin' the words agin in wonderment and horrow. 

"Fifty million dollars!"

"No, I said to you, Samantha, that in our conversation we would leaveout the orts, fifty dollars wuz what I meant. But as I said this is whatI've thought when my brain wuz fired with ambition and glory of histin'the name of Allen up where it ort to be and will be. But when my bloodhas quieted down and I took a dispassionate view of the affair I havethought it would be more in keepin' with the old traditions of the Allenfamily, to spend jest fifteen, I can do a noble job with Uncle Sime'shelp and Ury's, with exactly the same sum that wuz paid for thesepurchases. "

I see he wuz jest bound to ignore the millions. But I knowed it wouldn'tdo any good to keep twittin' him of it. And then he went on to describemore fully the Exposition of Josiah Allen that he'd been plottin' forweeks and weeks. He said that he and uncle Sime had used up two hullpads of writin' paper at a cost of five cents each, plannin' andfigurin'. But he didn't begrech the outlay, he said. He wuz layin' outto have the lower paster used as a tentin' ground for the hull Allenrace, and the Gowdeys if he decided they wuz worthy to jine in, hehadn't settled on that yet. The cow paster wuz to be used forEquinomical and Agricultural displays and also Peaceful Industries andInventions, and the lane leadin' up to the barn from the lower paster helaid out to use as a Pike for all sorts of amusements, pitchin' quaits, bull-in-the-barnyard, turnin' hand-springs and summer sets, etc. , etc. 

Sez I coldly, "It would draw quite a crowd to see you and Deacon Gowdeystandin' on your two old bald heads turnin' a summer set. "

"Oh, I laid out to have younger people in such thrillin' seens, Ury andothers. " And then he went on to describe at length his Peaceful IndustryShow. 

I couldn't sot still to hear it only I felt I wanted to know the worstand cope with it as a surgeon probes to the quick in order to cure. 

He thought he could git Aunt Huldy Wood, who wove carpets, to set up herloom for a few days under the big but-nut tree, and be weavin' therebefore the crowds. He said she wuz a peaceful old critter and would showoff well in it. And Bildad Shoecraft, another good-natured creeter, hecould bring his shoe-making bench and be tappin' boots. He could notonly show off but make money at the same time, for he spozed that many aboot would be wore down to the quick walkin' round viewin' theattractions. And Blandina Teeter he spozed she could run my sewin'machine under the sugar maple. And he thought mebby I would set outunder the slippery ellum makin' ginger cookies or fryin' nut-cakes, ineither capacity he said I wuz a study for an artist and would drawcrowds. 

"The wife of Josiah Allen fryin' nut-cakes, what a sound it would havethrough the world. "

"No, Josiah, " sez I, "I shan't try to fry nut-cakes in a open lotwithout ingregients or fire. "

"Well, mebby you'd ruther be one of the attractions of the Pike, Samantha. I hain't goin' to limit you to one thing. As the pardner ofthe originator of this stupengous scheme you are entitled to respect. There is where Napoleon, the other great actor in these twin dramas, missed it, he didn't use his wife as he ort to. But jest see thewonderful similarity in these cases. He had two step-children; the wifeof Josiah had two; I am smaller in statute than my wife; so wuzNapoleon. "

"You spoke of your Peaceful Inventions, Josiah, " sez I, wantin' to githis mind off, for truly I begun to fairly feel sick to the stomach tohear his talk about himself and the Great Conqueror. 

"Oh, yes, Samantha, that in itself will be worth double the price ofadmission. "

"Then you expect to ask pay, Josiah?"

"Certainly, why not? Do they not ask pay at the twin celebration?

"But you spoke of inventions; I shall let the rest of the Allens showoff. Lots of 'em have invented things, but of course my inventions willrank number one. There is my button on the suller door I cut it out ofan old boot leg. Who ever hearn of a leather button before, and it workswell if you don't want to fasten the door tight. Then there is that selfactin' hen-coop of mine that lets a stick fall down and shuts the doorwhen the hen walks up the ladder. "

"But no hen has ever clim the ladder yet, Josiah. "

"No, perhaps they hain't yet, but I'm expectin' to see 'em every day, 'tennyrate paint that coop a bright red and yaller and it will attract acrowd. 

"And then there is that travelin' rat trap of brother Henzy's, you knowhis grandmother wuz an Allen, I shall mayhap let him appear. And thenthere is all my farmin' implements and the rest of the Allen's I lay outto be just to all, and let 'em all come and show off in my Agriculturalshow. 

"But of course there has got to be a head to it; Napoleon wuz the headof the other Purchase, and I'm the head of this. In short, Samantha, Iam _It_. "

Oh, how full of pride and vain glory he wuz, and I knowed such feelin'swould have to be brung down for his spiritual good. I realized it as hewent on, "I tell you, Napoleon and I would have made a span, Samantha, if hecould been spared till now. "

Oh how shamed I wuz to hear such talk, but I sot demute for reasonsnamed, and he sez agin, "I thought mebby you would want to be one of theattractions of the Pike, Samantha; I lay out to have livin' statutesadornin' the side of the lane leadin' up from the beaver medder to thehorse trough. "

"Livin' statutes!" sez I, coldly, "I don't know what you mean by them. "

[Illustration]

"Why, I thought for a few cents I could git a lot of children and oldfolks to be white-washed for a day or two and pose as statutes. It wouldbe a new thing and a crackin' good idee, for livin' statutes that canwink, and bow, and talk, and walk round some, I don't believe wuz everhearn on before. "

"No indeed, " sez I, "but I can tell you, Josiah Allen, I've played manystrange parts in the role of life at your request, but I tell you oncefor all I shall never, _never_ be whitewashed and set up for a statute, you can set your mind to rest on that to once. "

"Mebby you'd ruther be a Historical Tabloo, Samantha; I lay out to havebeautiful ones, and I thought I wouldn't confine myself to the States, but would branch out and have the foreign nations representedfiguratively. 

"A naval battle between Russia and Japan would draw; if I could fix somefloats on the creek my stun boat could represent Russia, and DeaconHuffer's Japan, I jest as lives mine would be blowed up and sunk as not, 'tain't good for much. And if I did have that I would have the RussianBear set on the shore growlin', and the Powers furder back lookin'pleasantly on. You might be a Power, Samantha, if you wuzn't a female. "

"No, thank you, Josiah, I don't hanker after the responsibility for goodor evil that ort to hang onto a Power. "

"I'd be the Russian Bear myself, Samantha, with our old buffalo robe, only I've got everything else to do; I could grasp holt of things andsqueeze 'em tight and growl and paw first rate. "

"I wouldn't try to take that Russian Bear's job of graspin' and growlin'and pawin' onto me, Josiah, if I wuz in your place; it would tuckeranybody out. "

"The Eagle of France, " sez he dreamily, "could be represented in reducedform, as artists say, by Solomon Bobbett's old Bramy rooster with someclaws tied on. And Scotland, the land knows there is thistles enoughalong the cow path to represent her if they're handled right. And forIreland I might have two fellers fightin' with shelalays, Ury could makethe shelalays if he had a pattern. "

I knit away with a look of cold mockery on my face that I spose worriedhim, for he sez, "I wish I could git you interested in my show, Samantha. Mebby you'd want to represent Britanny scourin' the blue seas, you always thought so much of the Widder Albert. You could enact it inthe creek where the water is shaller. You've got a long scrubbin' brush, I always thought you looked some like Britanny, and you do scrub andscour so beautiful, Samantha. "

"No, Josiah, you'll never git me into that scrape, not but what Britannymay need help with her scrubbin' brush. But I shan't catch my death coldmakin' a fool of myself by tacklin' that job. "

"Oh, you could wear my rubber boots. But I shall not urge the matter, Ionly thought we two countries are such clost friends and I wanted you tohave the foremost character, but I can probable git someone else toenact it. But the strain is fearful on me, Samantha, to have everythinggo on as it should. "

His looks wuz strange. I could see that he wuz all nerved up, and hismind (what he had) wuz all wrought up to its highest tension; I knowedwhat happened when the tension to my sewin' machine wuz drawed tootight--it broke. And my machine wuz strong in comparison to some otherthings I won't mention out of respect to my pardner. I felt that I mustbe cautious and tread carefully if I would influence him for his good, so I brought forth the argument that seldom failed with him, and sez I:

"If I hadn't no other reason for jinin' in these doin's, cookin' has gotto be done and how can a statute or a Historical Tabloo bile potatoesand brile steak and make yeast emptin's bread perked up on a pedestal orposin' in the creek, and you know, Josiah, that no matter how furambition or vain glory may lead a man, his appetite has got to besquenched, and vittles has got to be cooked else how can he squench it. "

And to this old trustworthy weepon I held in all his different plans toinviggle me into his preposterous idees and found it answered betterthan reason or ridicule. But even this failed to break up his crazyplan. His hull mind (what he had) wuz sot on it. 

CHAPTER II. 

I felt dretful and how I wuz goin' to break it up and git his mind off Icouldn't tell; I talked it over with the children. They wuz goin' to bemortified to death by the idee if carried out and they told me inconfidence and the woodhouse kitchen, "It must be stopped!"

And I sez, "How is it goin' to be stopped? I've handled every weepon Iknow how to lay holt on. I've pompied him, cooked the very best ofvittles, argued with him, eppisoded, but all to no use, he's as sot as ahen turkey on a brick bat, and I've got to the end of my chain. "

Sez Tirzah Ann, "Have you tried readin' historical novels to him?"

"No, " sez I, "I don't dast to be _too_ hash with him, your pa's healthhain't what it wuz, I dassent take too hash measures. "

Sez she, "Have you tried readin' poetry?"

"Yes, " sez I, "I have read Pollock's Course of Time most through to him, and the biggest heft of 'Paradise Lost, ' and I read the last named withdeep feelin', I can tell you. "

"Didn't it do any good?"

"Not a mite, " sez I. "He would choke me off in the soarinest passages toboast about some crazy side-show at his Exposition. "

Tirzah Ann sithed and sez, "I don't know what can be done. "

Thomas J. Is more practical and sez, "Can't you git his mind on somework? Hain't there sunthin' that ort to be done round the farm? Or inthe house?"

"Id'no, " sez I. "He can't plow or reap in February or pick gooseberriesor wash sheep. But I know what ort to be done in the house, I tried mybest to git him at it in the fall, I do want a furnace and hot waterpipes put in to heat the house. We most freeze these cold days, and itis too much for your pa when Ury is away to tend to the fires. "

"That's just the thing!" sez Thomas J. , "get him interested in that andhe will forgit all about the Allen Exposition by the time it is done. "

But I sez in a discouraged way, "If I couldn't git him at it in the fallId'no how I'm goin' to now. "

"But it is worth tryin', " sez Thomas J. , "for his scheme must be brokeup, and if you git your furnace in now it will be all ready for anotherfall. "

"Well, " sez I, "I can try. " And so I begun that very night on a newtact, or ruther the old tact in a new way, I told him how sot Thomas J. Wuz on our havin' a furnace and hot water pipes put in. 

Josiah thinks his eyes of his only son, and I see it kinder moved him, but he wouldn't give his consent, and sez:

"What do you want hot water pipes and a furnace for in the summer?"

Sez I pintin' to the snowy fields, "Do you call this summer, Josiah? AndThomas J. Sez it will be so nice to have it all ready in the fall. And Ido wish, Josiah, you would hear to me. "

"Well, well, I am hearin' you, hain't I, and been hearin' for a yearback, I hain't deef as an adder!" And he jammed his hat down over hisears and went to the barn. But there wuz a sort of a waverin' expressionto his linement that made me have hopes. 

Well, when I had, with the children's help and an enormous expenditureof good vittles and eloquence, brought him round to the idee, I found Ihad another trial worse than the first to contend with. Instead ofhirin' a first rate workman who knew his bizness, he wuz bound, onaccount of cheapness, to hire a conceited creeter who thought he coulddo anything better than anyone else could. 

He knew how to milk, Jabez Wind did, and how to clean stables, andplough and hoe corn. But he felt he could do plumbin' better than themwho had handled plumbs for years. And when I see Josiah wuz sot onhirin' him to do the job I felt dretful, for he wuz no more fit for itthan our brindle cow to do fine sewin', or our old steer to give musiclessons on the banjo. He wuz a creeter I never liked, always tryin' toinvent sunthin' and always failin. But Josiah insisted on havin' himbecause he wuz so much cheaper. 

And I sez, "You'll sup sorrow yet, Josiah Allen, with your tendency tosave and scrimp. Jabez Wind don't know nothin' about such work; hehain't got any shop or tools and I don't want him meddlin' round myhouse. We want the rooms warmed good and we don't want a big noise andracket, as I've hearn they make sometimes, I couldn't stand it with suchnoise and cracklin' goin' on day and night. "

"Oh, " sez Josiah, "that's one great beauty of Jabezeses invention, it isperfectly noiseless, not a murmur or gurgle from one year's end to theother, and so easy to tend. Jest twice a year, he sez, to put a pail ofwater in the upper tank, two pails of water a year to insure summerwarmth, no dirt, no noise, not much like luggin' in wood from mornin'till night, breakin' your back cuttin' and splittin' it and litterin' upthe house. "

The idee of the perfect stillness did tempt me, I so love comfort andquiet, and also not havin' to sweep up after chips and kindlin' wood. But yet how did we know these things wuz so? And agin I sez, "How do youknow he can do all this? He hain't got any tools. "

Sez Josiah, "He's got idees if he hain't got tools. A man can borrytools, but he can't dicker for such idees as Jabez has got. See thethings he's undertook. "

Sez I, "Anybody can undertake things; his idees hain't made him rich orfamous. That air ship of hisen he wuz goin' to sail to Europe on, raredup and spilt him in his uncle's back yard. And his automobile, when hesot off on it and headed it for the road it backed up and took him downthat steep hill back of the barn into the creek, where it kep onploughin' up dirt and slate stuns till his uncle stopped it by mainforce and lifted Jabez out from under it drippin' like a water rat. Andhis machine for perpetual motion, his ma uses it now for clothes bars, "sez I. "What has he ever done to merit your encomiums?"

"Well, " sez he, "he's bound to succeed this time. His idees are somelike the hardware man's at Jonesville only Jabez'es are more deep andnot nigh so expensive. " I never liked Jabez Wind and shouldn't if I'dseen him settin' swingin' his legs off the very top of Fame's pillow. Hewuz oncongenial to me, made so from the beginin'. I never knew anyparticular hurt of him, but he seemed so much like his own sir name, sopuffed up and onsubstantial. He wuz middlin' well off to start with, orhis ma wuz, but he had used up all her property in his differententerprises. 

Now I dote on inventors, they wear a halo in my partial eyes. They'rethe greatest men of our day, and I mentally kneel at their feet, butgold always has counterfeits. The real inventor, made by the Deity tocarry out his plans, is modest, silent, broodin' over his great secrets, away from the multitude where angels minister to him. But Jabez wuzloud, boastin', arrogant, his pert impudent face proclaimin' the greatthings he wuz goin' to do, but never did. He wuz in love, too, or whathe called love, with a girl that wuz a prime favorite of mine, sweetlittle Rosamond Nickleson, she and I wuz such great friends she oftenused to come and stay a week at a time with me. 

When Jabez Wind came to Jonesville, Rosy wuz about the same as engagedto a good sensible young farmer, Royal Nelson, who lived three mildsabove Jonesville on the old stage road. He wuz a stiddy, likely youngman, who owned a nice farm well stocked, wuz good lookin', goodappearin', but ruther bashful and retirin', which made him some times incompany a little awkwud in his manners, and most offish where he wantedto please most. But he had a good mind, and his heart wuz pure gold, andhe loved Rosy with the deep earnest love, such undemonstrative men oftencherish for the one woman in the world for them. His calm gray eyeswould light up with the pure light of deathless love when they rested onthe sweet face of little Rosy. And he wuz always tryin' to help her insome way, lookin' out for her interest, he seemed to love to protect andwait on her in a way that argued well for the future, but mebby it wuzthis constant and almost slavish devotion that made her slight him, shehad got so used to his stiddy love that she didn't appreciate it asshe'd ort to. 

He had paid attention to Rosy for most three years. I thought mebby hewuz such a manly chap he didn't want to hurry her, she wuz so young, buteverybody spozed they wuz as good as engaged when Jabez Wind come toJonesville to live with his uncle, old Kellup Wind. He lost his wife, and Miss Wind, his brother's widder, come to keep house for him andbrung Jabez with her. I hurn it wuz the bargain she wuz to have twodollars a week and Jabez'es board. That showed me what he wuz, a youngman twenty-five years old hangin' on to his mother's apron strings tosupport him, or ruther hangin' onto her hard workin' fingers, she wuz agood housekeeper. 

Well, Jabez made such a splurge in the social pool of Jonesvillesociety, he made such florid eloquent boasts of the wonderful things hewuz goin' to do in the near future; his clothes wuz so showy, and hislooks so showy (shaller I called it), with beady shiny black eyes, redcheeks, mustache and whiskers naturally red like his hair, but dyedblack, and he played the fiddle so sweet, the girls said, and he sungcomic songs so bea-eu-ti-ful, and he danced so light that he become ageneral favorite in Jonesville society and the girls all seemed to seekafter him. But from the first he singled out Rosy as the object of hisspecial patronizin' affection. She wuz well off, her pa left her a goodproperty in money besides bein' so pretty and good herself. 

And she, girls are so queer, the best of 'em, from the very fact thathis affection wuz so patronizin' and down stoopin' to her, and kinderoncertain, for onlike Royal he would have spells of slightin' her andwaitin' on other girls, why mebby for this very reason she seemed to becarried some distance away with him, and believed all his grand ideesand looked forward to the realization of his stupendious schemes, highsoundin' schemes, which had took him no furder than the middle of thecreek and his uncle's back yard. 

His uncle didn't believe in him no more than I did, but stood it withhim on account of Karen, bein' a man that loved domestic comfort, andhavin' lived in dirt, on pan-cakes and canned meats durin' differentrains of incompetence materialized in hired girl form, before Karencome. But Karen worshipped Jabez, his highest mounts of future eminenceseemed too low for his footstool in her adorin' eyes, somehow the veryloftiness of his airs to her, his own mother who supported him andbought his clothes, seemed to render him more precious in her eyes. Wimmen are queer, queer as dogs. 

Well, Jabez knew I wuz onwillin' to have him tackle the job of warmin'our house with his new water pipe invention, because I had spoke my mindabout it when he and Karen had been over to spend the evenin', and Karencome over the next mornin' ostensibly to borry a cup of molasses, shewuz lookin' wore out, she'd worked so hard the day before, doin' a bigwashin' and bringin' the water from the creek, and I sez, "Why didn'tJabez bring it for you?"

"Oh, he wuz so busy with his inventions I couldn't bear to disturb him, "sez she, holdin' her hand to her achin' side, "my son is the greatestgenius in the world and folks will admit it yet, he's a young man of athousand. "

Sez I, "I should think more on him, Karen, if he should go to work andtake care of you instead of you at your age workin' so hard to take careof him. "

She married when she wuz quite well along in years and wuz gittin' oldnow and hadn't ort to work so hard. But her pale face lit up, "Oh, hewill take care of me luxuriously when he's completed some of hisinventions. "

"But, " sez I pityin'ly, "you know they hain't worked yet, any on 'em. You hung your washin' yesterday on the remains of his Perpetual Motion, and his motor carriage bein' dug up from the creek, his uncle uses it asa hen coop. "

"Oh, but they will be successful, they will. "

"I hope so, but I feel it my duty to tell you that I feel dubersomeabout it, dretful dubersome. "

"But, " sez she, "the New Perpetually Gushing Hot Water Tank is goin' tomake us independently rich. He's takin' the plans now of Luman Heath'skitchen stove and riggin' up the machinery; Luman is to pay himlavishly, you know Luman's wife is my own cousin. "

I see how it wuz, Karen's friends, to please her, wuz willin' to offerup their sure comforts and solid foundations as a sacrifice on the altarof friendship and the thought come over me, mebby I'd ort to. But it didseem as if I couldn't. 

Sez Karen, "If it is a success at cousin Luman's, as it is dead sure tobe, Jabez is goin' to take it to the St. Louis Exposition. "

"He thinks the foreign powers will want to treat with him for it. But Itold him I would ruther he would let our Government have it. But'tennyrate he won't let the Powers git the better of him in the contractand control it and enrich themselves at his expense. He will get hisonparelled idees patented before he takes it to St. Louis, it wouldn'tbe safe not to. I spoze the papers will be full of it. "

Such talk didn't seem to move me a mite, but it impressed Josiahdretfully and he sez, "I shall have this new invention stand next to myhen coop at the Exposition of St. Josiah. "

I shuddered and turned the subject round quick as I could. Well, Karenlabored with me over two hours, dwellin' in particular on the perfectstillness of the heatin' apparatus, and agin as before that thoughttempted me awfully, for I'd hearn the cracklin' snappin' sounds thatsometimes comes from steam heat and dreaded to have it reproduced in myhome, and seein' my looks Karen amplified on the idee, How sweet itwould be in December to set down in a rockin' chair in the still warmthof a day in July and go through the winter in that luxurious lovely way. She talked till she had to go home almost on the run, for she saidJabez'es mind worked so hard it exhausted his body completely so she hadto have the most nourishin' food ready for him at the very minute or hewould break right down. But to the last she praised up Jabez'es work. But I wouldn't say a encouragin' word furder than this, "I feeldubersome about it, Karen, dretful dubersome. "

That afternoon Rosy come over to stay all night, and she too tackled meon the subject. He had asked her to, always hangin' onto some woman forhelp. But with her too I used the same tick-tacks I had with Karen, Isaid mildly after each modest plea for his great genius, and how well hewould do the work, "I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome. "

Then she, too, sweetly spoke of the summer warmth, and the entireabsence of noise, and agin that thought tempted me, but I sez, "How doyou know, Rosy, that it will be entirely noiseless?"

"Oh, I know it will, Jabez sez so. He is sure to succeed, and it willhelp him so to have your influence, he expects to publish a book of thegreater eulogies from noted people on this new invention, and he intendsto have your name head the list. When you say this perfectly noiselessmachine heats your house too warm in the coldest weather, what a help itwill be to him, and your name will be first, " she repeated agin. 

"He'd better have the President and Cabinet come first, " sez I dryly, dry as a chip in dog days. 

"No, he spoke about that, but thought he would have them come next toyours, and I approved of it, " sez she affectionately, "and so did hisma. 

"He will git out the book as soon as he comes home from the St. LouisExposition with all the big eulogies he gits there on his inventions. "

I groaned to myself and got up quick and went into the buttery and tooka drink of cold water, I felt so kinder sickish. Well at modestintervals she would politely and gently tackle me about it, at the tableand while she wuz washin' dishes, but I held firm, though veryconsiderate and tender to her. I mogulated my axent low and gentle andlooked mild at her over my specs, as I washed and she wiped, but mywords wuz ever the same. 

"I feel dubersome about it, Rosy, dretful dubersome. "

At last Josiah's temper riz up and he vowed he wouldn't dally anylonger, sez he, "I earned this money by the sweat of my brow and I'mgoin' to use it as I'm a minter, and I'm a minter have these water pipesput in by Jabez Wind. " (He got the money by sellin' a colt, Id'no asthere wuz any great sweat about it). 

But he wuz bound to have it done, and he did. And for reasons named Idassent cross him too fur and put my foot right down on the plan. Andthe children sez, "Better anything, mother, than his celebration. If hedon't tear the house down over your head let him go on. " (_Let him_! Iguess I _had_ to let him. )

Jabez come on with all his riggin'. He'd borrowed tools of the hardwareman at Zoar, another of Karen's cousins, and obtained the furnace andpipes on credit, I spozed. 

I made all the preparations I could in case of disaster. Took up thecarpets in that part of the house, took down the curtains and moved thefurniture, used all the precautions I could to escape with life and limbif possible, and insure the safety of my dear but misguided pardner, andthen I sot down in the parlor bedroom, the furthest I could git withoutgoin' upstairs, and let the tide of events sweep by me or sweep me away, and I didn't know which it would be. I had to be downstairs anyway, for(though Philury helped), I had to stand with my hand on the hellum, soto speak, and see to everything. What made it worse, too, it come on thecoldest snap we'd had all winter. 

Well, one of the main arguments by Jabez and Josiah wuz the speed withwhich this work wuz to be accomplished. The hull thing wuz to be doneand we settin' down fannin' ourselves inside of three days, but for overfour weeks our house wuz a perfect pandemonium of noise and confusion. 

Iron pipes lay round in every direction, screws and vises, nuts andhammers, wrenches and irons of all shapes and descriptions strewed thehouse from top to bottom, and ashes, dirt and dust wuz rampant, andJabez rennin' up and down stairs, to and fro, talkin' loud about what asuccess he wuz makin' of it and how everything wuz workin' jest as hewanted it to, and boasted in particular every time he come acrost me, ashakin' with the cold, how perfectly still and noiseless it wuz goin'to be, and how luxurious and almost enervatin' would be the warmth. AndI sez, rubbin' my cold hands and pullin' my heavy woolen shawl closterround me, "It would be a little different than it is now if it wuzstill, or if it wuz warm. " And agin I shivered in the frigid air andsez:

"You guaranteed we wouldn't be torn up here over three days, and it wuzfour weeks yesterday. "

"That is because I have took such extra precautions to have it perfectlynoiseless. Never, " sez he impressively, "from one year's end to theother will you ever hear a sound from that apparatus, not the leastmurmur or echo of a sound. "

"Well, I hope not, " sez I, "and I hope to gracious it will be finishedsome time, for I'm most freezin' and Josiah is takin' cold, as I cansee. "

"No I hain't nuther, " sez Josiah, his voice soundin' real wheezy andhusky out from under his heavy wool comforter. 

Sez I, "You be cold, Josiah Allen, your nose is blue this minute. "

"Well, what if it is! I always liked that color anyway, I'd ruther haveit blue that red as madder, " sez he glancin' at my most prominentfeature. 

Sez I, "It is the bitter cold that has turned our noses, Josiah Allen, and when is it goin' to end?"

"It is going to end to-morrow mornin', at seven A. M. We start the fire, and then, " sez he proudly, "I will set down in perfect summer heat, calmand happy, and you, too. " For I spoze my oncomplainin' misery appealedto his latent manhood; and it had been latent in him for some time. Buthe wuz driv most beyend his strength, and the cold wuz almost Klondikey, I could make allowance for him. Well, the next day passed, and the nextand the next, and finally, jest four weeks and four days after he hadguaranteed to have it finished, Jabez hautily announced, and Josiahproudly proclaimed, a fire could be started. Karen wanted to be with usin the first trial of the heat, so she appeared on the seen, sotriumphant and overjoyed it fairly made her worn haggard face lookconsiderable brighter. 

Rosy had come to spend the day and stay all night, invited by Karen towitness her son's triumph. But I onbeknown to anybody, feelin' I neededa strong arm and cool brain to depend on, had beset Royal Nelson to comeand stand by me that day and night, I didn't say Rosy wuz to be therefor fear he wouldn't come, for I could see by his white cheeks and sad, yet cool lookin' eyes, that he'd about gin her up. He said to once thathe would come, and his sad eyes kinder laughed as he added, "I willstand by you in your affliction. "

Well, Jabez, with his face gay and joyous and his tongue waggin', weighted down with big, boastful words, headed the procession downsuller; Josiah and Ury filled up the furnace and built the fire, Jabezseemin'ly willin' they should do the work, he's so lazy. Rosy, Karen andI remained upstairs, Philury and I tryin' to mop and sweep up some ofthe dirt, and before long I hearn a buggy drive up, and see it wuz RoyalNelson, and in a few minutes he come in lookin' solid and reliable asever. 

Well, the upper tank had been filled, and at the welcome news the firewuz beginnin' to burn bright we all went upstairs watchin' to see thegrateful heat come up, and some of our hands wuz on the pipes everyminute, when a low hollow rumblin' wuz hearn down in the suller, growin'louder and louder every minute till it got to be perfectly terrific, andJabez run down there, his coat tails almost layin' level in his haste, and Josiah most fallin' over him, and Royal follerin' on more tranquillookin' but excited all through I could see. 

Ury stayed by us a spell, but as the deep hollow noise strengthened to aloud roar, accompanied by a strange rushin', gurglin' sound, comin'nearer and nearer, he seized Philury by the arm and rushed her outdoorsthrough the snow, not stoppin' till they got to the barn, then he leggoof her and stood in the barn door to reconnoiter. It wuz a awful andskairful seen. I couldn't blame Ury, but like Sara of old, I felt that Imust stay by my stuff, and Rosy and Karen hung to each other, and bothhung onto me, all on us tremblin' like three popple leaves. 

Finally, jest as the three men come hurryin' back into the room torescue or die with us I spoze, the boilin' water gin a louder, angrierroar, and riz up out of the tank three feet into the air and poured andsteamed and deluged all over the floor. Well wuz it I took up thecarpet. But Josiah Allen, to prove he feared no danger, had insisted onleavin' the dressin' gown he worshipped hangin' up in the clothes presswhere the tank wuz. Alas! alas! as he brung it out drippin' and steamin'from the fiery bath, where wuz the once gay colors? Them tossels and redpalm leaves on yeller ground that had so lately been the light of hiseyes and desire of his heart? Who could tell which wuz palm leaves andwhich wuz yeller ground? And as for the red tossels, their glory haddeparted forever. Josiah groaned aloud as he bore it out leavin' awatery wake of red and yeller all the way to the kitchen, where Ifollered him and told him, so strong is woman's love in the hour oftrouble, "Dear Josiah, I am sorry for you, but I told you jest how itwould be. "

He dashed it onto the floor and hollered out, "You didn't tell menothin' about it! you never said the word dressin' gown! and I'd like toknow what you're sorry about, it is nothin', only a valve has bust orsunthin'. "

"Yes, " sez I sadly, "I guess it is a sunthin'. " Here he kicked aginstthe suller door so hard one of the panels has been shaky to this day, and run down there, Jabez follerin' him, while I seized a dipper and atwelve quart pail and hurried up to the flooded deestrick, which wecommenced to bail out like a sinkin' boat, Royal, Karen and Rosy helpin'me, and Ury havin' his first fears squenched by the overflow of water(which he expected he said would blow off the hull ruff and top story ofthe house), he and Philury laid to and helped. 

CHAPTER III. 

Well, Jabez said it wuz the sudden change from cold to hot water thathad caused the overflow, so we put the biler on the kitchen stove andthe caldron kettle in the woodhouse, and het water bilin' hot and filledthe empty tank, Josiah groanin' loud as he lugged it up and sayin' whenhe thought I didn't hear him, "Oh, gracious Heavens! is this two pails ayear?"

Then we all gathered in the front chamber agin watchin' events to come, Jabez boastin' louder than ever how like a charm it would work, andKaren opholdin' him. But Josiah looked anxious as I could see. When aginthat loud angry roar begun in the suller, and agin Ury ketched Philuryround the waist, for she wanted to stand her ground, but he yanked herdown stairs and half way acrost the back yard. He loves her dearly andthinks it a man's place to protect his pardner. He didn't go so fur thistime, but had almost onbeknown to himself sought safety for his dearPhilury in flight. 

Agin Jabez and Josiah and Royal rushed down suller. The dretful roarended in a higher more steaminer volume of water than before, agin welaid to and bailed it out, our ranks bein' reinforced anon by thereturnin' Ury and Philury, and anon furder by Josiah, Royal, and Jabez. Jabez didn't boast quite so loud now, and I wuz glad to see that Rosykinder cuddled up closter to Royal as she wielded the dipper, as if shethought him a refuge in time of storm. 

Well, from that time, about three in the afternoon, till ten P. M. Theprogrammy wuz stidy over and over. Fillin' the tank, low snortin' andrushin' of the waters up and down, chasin' along the pipes in everyroom, hammerin', kickin', shootin', like enraged artillery, at lastthundering like the most skairful clap of thunder and then with afearful roar the volume of water would mount up and pour into the spareroom and drizzle down into the settin' room below, takin' off theplasterin' in spite of our very best efforts to bail it out. Over andover agin wuz the wearisome and soul tuckerin' job carried out, variedevery time by Ury ketchin' Philury and fleein' with her, but thedistance shortened every time, till at last he fled with her no furderthan the top of the kitchen stairs. Karen's horrow struck, mortifiedlooks, Jabez'es entire absence of boastin', which in itself wuz dogqueer, and Rosy's instinctive turning to Royal for protection, which wuzgladly granted. 

Over and over the seen wuz enacted, Jabez every time turnin' some screwor valve or sunthin' and prophesyin' every time it would go right thenext time, but said it with feathers droopin', so to speak, more humblelike and doubtful. My poor pardner as he lugged up two heavy pails ofwater at half-past nine P. M. , I hearn him say:

"Oh, gracious, Peter! is this two pails a year? This makes more'n ahundred pails I've carried up to-night myself besides Ury's andJabezs'es. " It wuzn't so, he hadn't carried up more'n thirty or fortytwelve quart pails. But yet I pitied him. Well, that also thundered anddeluged and guyzered out onto the floor accompanied by the drips anddrizzles into the settin' room, Ury's flight with Philury, Karen'smourns, and Josiah's groans, for he had lost his pride and openlygroaned and jawed at Jabez and sez to him:

"You dum fool you! you don't know beans from a broom stick! I wouldn'ttrust you to make splinters to do up a dog's leg!" And Jabez jawed backagain, and Josiah sez, "I'll make you pay heavy damages for this job, and I've as good a mind as I ever had to eat, to give you a goodfloggin' with a rawhide. " And as he grew madder and madder he went on:

"This is your perfectly noiseless apparatus is it?" sez he pintin' downtowards the thunderin' roar, "this is your summer heat, hain't it?"pintin' to the shiverin' crowd. "This is your freedom fromlabor-two-pails-a-year job! one hundred pails of water have I luggedupstairs to-night if I have a pint! Now, " sez he, makin' towards him, "do you start out of this house before I fall on you and rend you. "Karen screamed and rushed between 'em and fell onto Jabez and draggedhim off with her, he seemin' glad to go. 

Well, we let the fire go down as low as we could without goin' out, andwent to bed shiverin' and half froze, but with soap stuns and hot-waterbags we made out to git through the night. In the mornin' a sorry seengreeted us, coldness, discomfort, broken plasterin' and dirt, and noprospect to all appearance of havin' any better times. The only gleam oflight I could see in the hull prospect wuz that Josiah in his excitementand wretchedness had seemin'ly forgot that he'd ever mentioned theExposition of St. Josiah. 

Well, right after breakfast Karen come over lookin' as if she hadn'tslep' a wink and sez she, "Jabez lay awake all night studyin' on it andhe knows now where he made the mistake, he pinted one small lead pipe upwhere it ort to been pinted down, he can make it all right in an hour. "

Well, Josiah, so sure it is that the hottest love soonest cools, vowedthat Jabez should never step his foot into the house agin. And I wuzglad enough to see that Rosy agreed with him. 

But I wuz naterally made more megum, and thought, any port in a storm, and a hour won't be much anyway. If we've stood all this dirt andconfusion for five weeks we could stand it a hour longer. 

"Well, " sez Josiah, "I shall go into the woods for a jag of maple, Iwon't see him, I dassent, for I should fall on him and destroy him if Idid. "

So he went after a load of maple wood and Jabez come and tinkered andhammered and pounded and then sayin' with some of his pride returnedinto his port:

"It will go now like clock work. "

He filled the tank and lit the fire agin with Ury's help. But I wuz gladenough that Josiah wuz absent, for this time the noise wuz so skairfulthat when Ury ketched Philury round the waist and absconded with her, hedidn't stop till they had ploughed through the snow clear past the oldhen house. 

I, too, ketched Rosy by the arm and run and stumbled along most to thebarn before I remembered myself and regained my faculties, so to speak, it wuz so turrible this time the loud, angry, roarin', hissin' noise. 

Karen nobly stood by Jabez, who I must say stood by his job in thatrespect, but I guess they went out into the hall, I thought I ketched aglimpse of 'em, as I havin' regained my faculty, run in. We got in jestafter the deluge poured out agin, higher, louder and more steaminer thanever, and when what few scraps of plaster remained on the settin' roomhad fell victims to the bilin' flood. Well, we let the fire go down aginand cowered over the kitchen stove that day, and agin went shiverin' tobed. That night the weather moderated, and with a low fire in thefurnace, and the heat from the kitchen stove, we kep' middlin' warm. Wecleaned up the plaster, mopped the floor and wuz comparitivelycomfortable for three days. The fourth night the fire in the furnace rizup onbeknown to us in the night, and the first we knew we wuz waked upby what we thought a loud clap of thunder overhead, accompanied by aloud roar, and shakin' of the walls, and Josiah started up in bed andsez, "Is the house struck, Samantha? Who ever heard of thunder at thistime of year? Or is it a earthquake?"

But I gittin' holt of my conscientiousness quicker than he did, sez, "Josiah Allen, it is that heatin' apparatus. " And to confirm my words wehearn the angry loud roar and the water splurgin' out over our heads anddrizzlin' down through the laths in the next room. Even as I spoke Rosycome down stairs in her pretty pink wrapper, and sez she half asleep, but wholly afraid, "Oh, Aunt Samantha, I do wish Royal was here! what afearful time!" sez she. 

And if you'll believe it, so onselfish is a woman's heart, even in themidst of her deepest tribulations, and so kinder sentimental, her wordssent a faint ray of joy over my heart, some like the pale light of astar shinin' out over a wild western tornado. But before I could replyUry come runnin' down stairs holdin' Philury, faithful critter that hewuz, and Josiah yelled at him: "Do you go over to Kellup Wind's andbring that cussed fool over here, and if he don't take out thatinvention of his under ten minutes I will have the law on him, and whiphim within an inch of his life!"

It wuz half-past three and we all got up, and I got breakfast by lamplight. Ury come back and said Jabez had been studyin' for the hull ofthe last three days and said he wuz absolutely sure now he knew whatailed it, it wuz the little piece of pipe that led to the tank, it wuzset in the wrong place, it would take about twenty minutes to fix it soit would be entirely right. Josiah hollered out, "Be we goin' to be usedby that dum fool to try his experiments on? Let him take it out or Iwill take it out and throw it at him!"

But Karen had writ a note to me, pleadin' with me as a sister in themeetin' house, to let Jabez have this sole chance, and I showed thisnote to Josiah and sez, "For Karen's sake mebby we'd better let him tryit. "

"For Karen's sake!" he yelled out, "why should we pompey her? It is all_her_ fault. What did she let him live for when he wuz a babe? She is tothe bottom of it, if it hadn't been for her lettin' him live weshouldn't be in this state, up at midnight, hungry as bears, cold asfrogs, and our house a wreck!"

But how true it is the noisest grief is soonest squenched. At last hegin in and Jabez attacked it agin, and tinkered and puttered at it allday, I watchin' Josiah clost for fear he would surround Jabez and fallon him and demolish him in his anger. But all the difference his workmade it seemed as if the noise wuz a little louder and the flood moretumultious and rushin' if it could be tumultiouser and rushiner. And bymy advice Jabez fled out of the suller door and streaked it for homecross lots, for I feared that my beloved pardner might be led by hisrighteous wrath, even into salt and buttery. 

Jest as Jabez streaked it home, I watchin' him from the buttery windowand also keepin' my pardner at bey in the milk room, I see a buggy driveinto the yard, and wuz I not glad to see the manly form and calm quietface of Royal Nelson. After he drove his handsome span of grays into thehorse barn he come in and I see his linement looked considerablebrighter and happier, brightenin' still more as he met Rosy's sweetsmiles and cordial words. 

She wuz sick of Jabez, sick as lobely could make her. And her old loveand leanin' on Royal Nelson had come back in full force. Her fancy forJabez had been light and transitory as his sir-name. And as I see theirhappy means as they met, I felt that even the wreck and ruin about uswuz mebby not too dear a price to pay for their future happiness. Thefirst thing Royal and Ury did, Josiah helpin' 'em, wuz to take out thefurnace and pipes, the hull caboodle on 'em, and then went over toJonesville and bought a new furnace and got a good responsible man toput it in that very day. They telephoned to that hardware man to Zoar tocome and take away the remains of that invention, and how he settledwith Jabez I never knew, for Karen hushed it up, but I know there is acoldness between 'em and they don't speak. 

Well, the places all bein' made in the walls, and this man bein' a goodworkman, who had learnt his trade, that night about eight P. M. The hulljob wuz done, and stillness and genial warmth made the place seem almostlike Heaven compared to what it had been. The next day a man come andplastered overhead, Ury and Philury helped clean the floors and put downthe carpets, and in three day's time everything wuz happy and calm andquiet, and Josiah wuz beginnin' to recover from the effects of toovoylent wrath upon his nerve. 

Our noses had regained their natural color, and on the third day Rosywith a last warm kiss and sweet smile on me and visey versey went home, Royal carryin' her in his new covered buggy, drawed by them two handsomegray horses. They wuz engaged, and their plans all made, they wuz to bemarried in the summer and go to the St. Louis Exposition on theirweddin' tower. 

And I thought, as I see 'em drive off, happy as a king and queen in thebright moonlight, how true it is our brightest joys often come throughdarkest tribulations. Rosy's and Royal's happiness wuz enough in itselfto pay me abundantly for my tribulations. And then my settin' room newplastered and Josiah would never consented to tear it off, and it wuzlumpy and streaked and broken, and here it wuz new plastered over smoothas glass. 

Oh! thinkses I how thankful I ort to be and how I ort to forgit thetroubles of the night in the joys of the mornin'. 

And crownin' blessin' of all Josiah had seemin'ly forgot all about theExposition of Josiah Allen. He hadn't mentioned it for days and thechildren and I wuz full of hope, it wuz broke up. But, alas! in thisworld how little you can tell what is broke and what hain't. 

And the news Josiah brung home, what comfort there wuz in the thought--Ilike Karen and felt to rejoice with her. It seemed that Luman Heath, nothavin' heard of our afflictions, had let Jabez go on with his work thevery next day after he finished here. And the Perpetually Gushing HotWater Tank wuz the death blow to Jabez Wind's inventive ambition, andalas! proved almost the death blow to Luman Heath's beloved ones, thehull family circle on 'em. 

He attached it to the kitchen stove, which wuz a perfect steamer to burnand heat up. And fixed it so that instead of the hot water goin' acrostthe room to the kitchen sink as he meant to have it, it jest squirtedright up into the air bilin' hot, so they had a perfect fiery geyserthere in their kitchen. Jabez run for his life, it had hit him in theface. 

They wuz Methodist folks with lots of children well brung up and theynever thought of havin' such doin's in their house, but the bilin'crater pourin' down hot water come so sudden and onexpected onto 'emthat three of the little children wuz scalded most to-death as they soton the floor readin' Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress. " And Luman, bald-headed, too, the fiery flood descended onto him while he wuz tryin'to bear his wife, who fell into hystericks, into the settin' room, hewuz hit on top by the bilin' torrent and blistered right on his barehead as big as your hand. 

He laid his wife down half faintin', told the screamin' children to lookout for her and keep out of the kitchen, hollered for the hired man togo after a doctor, and fell back into a kind of spazzum. He bein' a goodman who wouldn't swear, or rare round kep in his feelin's more. Thechildren got over it before he did, bad as they wuz scalded, theyscreamed and yelled and let off considerable steam that way. But he wuzbed sick for weeks holdin' onto his wrath and bein' too good to jaw andkick Jabez, the doctor said made it worse than if he had kicked some. 

But to resoom backwards. The hired girl wuz the coolest of any of 'em, she went into the kitchen with a waterproof and umbrella, and tried toturn the nozzle of the Perpetual Gushing Hot Water Tank out-doors, andhavin' to use both hands, and bein' smart and quick witted, she put thecoal scuttle on bottom side up, and though blinded by it and somescalded, she made out to turn the fury of it out through the kitchenwinder where it steamed and squirted and poured out bilin' water ontothe flower beds and acrost 'em into the road, scaldin' passers by, andbein' a perfect horrow and mystery to 'em. It wuz big and powerful, there hain't no doubt of that. 

Well, owin' to the hired girl's courage, by the time the doctor gotthere the tank wuz emptied, and the torrent had subsided into a drizzle. Luman Heath didn't prosecute Jabez, bein' such a good man, and how Ihonor him for it, how I honor him for not actin' and swearin'. Thedoctor may say what he wants to, he wuz noble to bear it as he did. Ihave seen kickin' and actin' in times of trial, and how I honor a manwho can refrain, and he got well as quick, I believe, as though he hadacted. 

But as I wuz sayin' the greatest relief that come to the community fromour trials wuz as follers. Take it with his doin's at our house andLuman Heath's, Jabez Wind had evidently had enough of inventions. Hehired out for a year the very next day after the eppisode, to work fortwenty dollars a month on a farm, house rent, wood, and cow furnished. Kellup Wind is goin' to live with a daughter, and Karen is blissful atthought of keepin' house for Jabez. Good creeter! I hope she will have alittle rest now. I said I meant to go and see her jest as soon as shewuz settled. 

Well, for two days my feelin's of joy and thankfulness wuz onclouded. But alas, poor mortals! that plant the flowers of their happiness onearthly sile, they must see 'em wither before their face and eyes anonor oftener like Jonah's gourd. 

The third day, whilst I wuz settin' happy and calm in my frame in mywarm peaceful settin' room often liftin' my eyes contentedly to thesatin smooth ceilin'. 

What wuz my emotions of grief and horrow to see Josiah rise up, haul outhis tin trunk where he'd carefuly stored away the plans of the St. Josiah Exposition, and go to studyin' 'em agin with renewed vigor, sayin':

"I hope to gracious I can have my mind clear now to go on and plan myExposition; this dum work has set me back turribly. "

I let my work fall into my lap and gin vent to some sithes, so deep theywuz almost groans, whilst the bitter waters of disappintment trickledover my hopes and drownded 'em out. Had I got to go through anothersiege of argument and persuasion and extra vittles? Could my too hardworked oratory hold out, and also my provisions?

I see the children next day and told 'em how it wuz, that their Paseemed more sot on his plan than ever, and talked more excited andearnest about it than I had ever seen him. For it did seem as if hisdeep ambitions dammed up for a time by furnaces and Jabezeses, had brokeloose into a wider, deeper current than ever. He talked incessantlyabout it day and night, laid on his plans, and reached out onto newones. 

The children sez to me agin: "Mother, it must be stopped at allhazards!"

And agin I wep', and sez to 'em: "How can it be stopped?"

Tirzah Ann looked completely squelched and could do nothin' only weaklyask: "If I spozed I could git him to play on a accordeon, she kinderthought that some time she'd hearn of some man, somewhere havin' hismind soothed by one. "

"Accordeon!" sez I. "You couldn't git his mind offen that plan if yougin him one of the golden harps we read about. "

Tirzah Ann subsided, only sayin': "We would all be the town's talk, andit would probable kill her with mortification. "

Thomas J. Sot still with his brow knit in deep thought and sez "I willtry one thing more. "

I never knew exactly how Thomas J. Worked it, or what he paid 'em, but Iknow that a day or two after, the prices them livin' statutes askedJosiah for bein' whitewashed, wuz sunthin' perfectly exorbitant, and sowith the Powers and the Peaceful Inventors. He never could stood it withhis closeness. 

Thomas J. Didn't appear outwardly, but wuz the power behind the thrones, so I spoze. When Josiah wuz taxed with these fearful expenses (they writit in letters to him) his plan tottled ready to fall. And of course Istood ready and follered it up with eloquent arguments, tenderness andthe very best of vittles. Neither on 'em could carried the day alone, but all together conquered. He gin in. The plan tottered over and fellonto him, and my pardner, to continue the metafor, lay under the ruinsas squshed and mute as if he wuz never goin' to git up agin. 

But when his wild emotions of ambition and vanity and display wuz allbroke up a settled melancholy hovered down onto him and draped him likea black mantilly. He seemed all onstrung, and all my efforts to stringhim up agin seemed vain. 

I strove to hide my apprehensions under a holler veil of calmness andeven hilarity; I give him catnip with a smile on my lip but deepforebodin' in my mind, and the same with thoroughwert. But catnip didn'tnip his ambition and thoroughwort wuzn't thorough enough to restore hischeerfulness. 

I encouraged him to go to the lake fishin' with Deacon Henzy, though I'dsuffered more than I had ever told from similar occasions. Deacon Henzyloves hard cider and keeps a kag on tap durin' the summer, he sez it isfor his liver, but liver or no liver it hain't right. 

I hain't goin' to make no insinuations about their doin's though sisterHenzy has approached me on the subject time and agin, she hain't soclost mouthed as I am. But I will merely say that when they got backtheir two breaths didn't smell as two deacon's breaths ort to smell. ButI didn't say nothin' about it outside and shan't, I use tack. I spokeon't to Josiah at the time, yes indeed I hearn the call of Duty andobeyed. 

But as I wuz sayin', though it trompled on all my feelin's andforebodin's I urged 'em to go agin and they went. And I shan't tell howtheir breaths smelt when they got back--it hain't best, only simplysayin' that Josiah took an empty pint fruit can with him that mornin'when he went over to the Deacon's to start, and I never inquired what hetook it for, so fur will a female let even her principles be outragedwhen the life of her beloved companion is at the stake--I tried to thinkhe wuz goin' to take milk in it. 

But the small string of tiny fish wuz all he ketched out of the deepwaters, he didn't ketch any cheerfulness or happiness for himself or me, only disappintment and shagrin for I felt if I didn't use all my tackmebby the meetin' house would try to set down on him. Two deacons! thevery idee on't!

But I kep' mum and dressed the fish myself and fried 'em in butter, onlyhopin' I wouldn't lose 'em in the fryin' pan, but Josiah didn't seem torelish 'em no better than he would side pork, and agin I felt baffled, and rememberin' the fruit can, a element of guilt also mingled with thebaffle. Biled vittles with a bag puddin' which he loved almost toidolatry I put before him in vain; I petted him; I called him "dearJosiah" repeatedly; I fairly pompeyed him, but no change could I see, Ifelt turrible. 

He still kep' a runnin' down and I didn't know when he would stoprunnin' and I shuddered to think where he might run to. At last in spiteof Josiah's onwillingness I sent for Doctor Bombus. He come and took hiswrist in hisen and Josiah sez kinder mad actin': "What do you want tofeel of my polt for? My polt beats all right!"

He looked at his tongue, Josiah stickin' it out as if he wuz makin' aface at him. He inquired about symptoms, all of which Josiah answeredsnappishly, the examination over, the doctor walked the floor back andforth with one hand under his coat tail and the other in his breast indeep thought and then said:

[Illustration]

"My diagnosis denotes no diametrical and insurmountable difficulties butI would recommend a temporary transition or in other words a change ofclimate. "

"Change of climate!" muttered Josiah, "I guess anybody that lives inthis state gits changes enough, from torrid to zero in twenty-four hourslots of times--I'd like to know where you wintered!"

"Nevertheless and notwithstanding, " sez Doctor Bombus, blandly ignoringJosiah's muttering impatience, "I can but recapitulate my formerprescription, a temporary translation from surrounding environment. "

And he gathered up his saddle bags and went out, bagoning me out intothe hall as he did so. And then he advised me to take him to the St. Louis Exposition. 

But I sez, "I dassent, I'm afraid it would open his woonds afresh, heknowed all the circumstances that had caused his sickness. " But he wuz aHomeopath and believed in takin' the same kind of medicine backward andforward as it were, sunthin' as the poem runs:

Tobacco hic when you're well will make you sick, Tobacco hic will make you well when you're sick. 

I told him I thought it wuz a hazardous undertakin', and I hardly dast, but he informed me in words more'n two inches long that he could donothing more for him, and if I didn't foller his advice it would be atmy own peril. 

CHAPTER IV. 

I felt turrible. What wuz I to do to do right? How wuz I to handle thisenormous prescription, St. Louis Exposition, and give it in proper dosesto the beloved patient? I knowed the size of the mind I had to dealwith, I knowed the size of the medicine I wuz told to deal out to thatmind. 

Could it stand the strain? Could that small citadel stand a assault ofsuch magnitude without crumplin' and crumblin' right down? Dast Iventer? And then agin dast I disobey the imperative advice of DoctorBombus? So I wuz tossted to and fro like the waves of the sea. 

But one thing I wuz determined on, I wouldn't start alone with him inthe state he wuz in, for if he should lose his mind in that immenseplace how could I find it with no one to help me? It would be worse thanlookin' for a cambric needle in a hay-mow. 

I knew how the shafts of calumny and envy might be aimed at me by hisrelations, so I would take along one on his side to share myresponsibility, so if he did lose his mind and couldn't find it agin, they couldn't find fault with me and say I hadn't done my best. So Iproposed that his niece, Blandina Teeter, should go with us, she is welloff and a willin' creeter. 

[Illustration]

Josiah didn't seem to care either way, but languidly remarked that if hedid go he wanted a sky blue neck-tie. That wuz the first sign ofinterest he had took in anything, and I hailed it as a good omen but gotthe tie as dark a blue as I dast. 

Blandina Teeter, formerly Allen, is a widder with a tall spindlin'figger pale complected, with big light blue eyes that ruther stand outof her head, and a tall peaked forehead with light hair combed downsmooth on both sides with scalops made in it by hand. She is goodnatered to a fault, you know you can kill yourself on milk porridge, andthough folks don't philosophize on it you can be too good to becomfortable. 

She is a natural lover of mankind, nothin' light in it, jest a deepmeetin' house love. She wuz born that way onbeknown to her I spoze, andso I d'no as I ort to blame her for her soft ways. I hadn't seen her forsome years and had kinder forgot how soft and squshy she wuz in hernater, and I declare for't when I got her and Josiah both together, hadmarshaled my forces, as you may say before my mind's review, I didn'tknow how I wuz goin' to git 'em to St. Louis and back agin hull. It didseem to me that if I got through all right with Josiah, she wuz thatsoft and meller she would spile on my hands anyway. 

But she wuz the only one on his side available in the position of secondchaperone to Josiah and so I took my chances. 

She had been a widder some years; Teeter had used her shameful, spenther property and throwed her round considerable, but still she kep' upher perennial love and passionate adoration of man. And thinkses I itwill work well anyway with her Uncle Josiah, for lovin' all mankind asshe did from infancy to age, I knowed that bein' the only male in theparty she would keep her eye on him. 

Blandina wuz more than willin' when I explained matters to her. She saidshe felt that men wuz such precious creeters that too much care couldnot be took of 'em, and that it would give her the greatest pleasure tosurround her Uncle Josiah with all the care that a most devotedaffection could dictate. 

She's an awful clever critter, it hain't good nater that she lacks. Butthere is sunthin' wantin' in her, I believe it is common sense. 

But we sot out, I with considerable misgivin' at heart, but calm andcool on the outside, clad as I wuz in dignity and a gray braize delainedress and a bunnet of the same color, I also wore my costly cameo pinfastened in my linen collar. Some gray lisle thread gloves and a richPaisley shawl completed my _toot a sembly_. 

Blandina had on a soft yellerish dress, I guess it wuz lawn it lookedmost as soft as she did, and a hat that kinder drooped 'round her facetrimmed with crushed strawberry roses. She also wore some open-workmitts, and a lace long shawl that had been her ma's. 

Josiah had on his pepper and salt costoom, and in my partial eyes he wuzbeautiful, but, oh, so sad, so deprested. Would the gloom ever be liftedfrom his beloved liniment? So my heart questioned itself as we helpedourselves out of the Democrat, Ury tendin' to the trunks. 

It wuz a Monday mornin', for I felt that I wanted to tackle this jobjest as I would a three weeks' washin', the first day of the week. Uryshook our hands firmly but sadly, promisin' to the last to see to thingsand not let the cows into the garden, and keep the buttery door shet upnights, for though the cat is not a habitual snooper, yet she willsometimes snoop. 

The car wuz crowded, mebby folks had hearn of our goin' and wanted toride a spell with us. 'Tennyrate Josiah and I had to be separated at theoutset of our journey, he settin' with a man acrost the aisle; Blandinagot a seat with an aged gentleman while I sot down with a palecomplected woman in deep mournin'. Or at least what mournin' she had wuzdeep. She wore a thick crape veil and black cotton gloves. But her dresswuz chocklate delaine. The mournin' wuz borryed, she told me most assoon as I sot down. 

She wuz on the way to the funeral of her father. He had lived with her, but died while he wuz on a visit to her sister. She wuz feelin' dretfuland said she didn't know what she would do without him; she took on realbad, and I sez, "Yes, losin' a pa is an awful loss. "

"Yes, " sez she, "pa wuz a dretful good man. I don't see what we're goin'to do without him; we shall miss him so makin' line fences. He knew allabout where they ort to stand. "

I wuz kinder took back. But then come to think it over I see it wuzbetter to be missed in line fences than not at all. She got out at thenext station, and my own pardner took the vacant seat by my side, and onand on we wuz whirled from the peaceful shores of Jonesville to thepleasures and dangers of the great city. 

As I said, I wanted to get to St. Louis the first of the week, butJosiah took it into his head that he wanted to visit his nephew, OrangeAllen, who lives in the Ohio, and under the circumstances it wuz not forme to cross him in anything that wuz more or less reasonable. So westopped there and had a good visit. He keeps a dairy farm and owns fortycows besides a wife and three young children; he is doing well. His pahavin' a horticultural and floral turn of mind, named his two boys Lemonand Orange. His girls are Lily, Rose and Violet. Lily is dark complectedand so fat that she looks like a pillar with a string tied in themiddle, and Rose and Violet are as humbly as they make but respectable. Folks ort to be more cautious in namin' children, but they're allmarried quite well, and we had a good visit with 'em, stayin' most ofthe time at Orange's. 

And I see with joy that the shadder on my pardner's face lifted quite alittle durin' our stay there, but of course this belated us and wedidn't git to St. Louis till Saturday late in the afternoon. St. Louisis a big sizeable place. Mr. Laclede cut the tree for the firstlog-house in the forest where St. Louis now stands in 1764. America hadseveral cities all started at that time, but St. Louis jest put in andgrowed, and now it is the fourth city in the United States. It's anawful worker, why it produces more in its factories than is produced bythe hull of thirty-seven States, jest think on't! And it has thirty-twomillion folks to buy the things it produces. Twenty-seven railways runinto it; the city rules itself and leads the world in many manufactures. They say it is the richest community in the world, and I couldn'tdispute it, for they seemed jest rollin' in riches all the while I wuzthere; wuzn't put to it for a thing so fur as I could see. 

It is noted for its charities; it has the biggest Sunday-school in theworld, two thousand three hundred and forty-four children in oneschool--jest think on't! Its Union railroad station is the finest in theUniverse, so they say, and jest the buildin' covers twenty acres. And ithas the greatest bridge over the greatest river in the world. 

But everything has its drawbacks, the water there hain't like Jonesvillewater; I don't say it to twit 'em, but it is a solemn truth, the wateris riley, they can't dispute it. I'd love to hand 'em out a pailful nowand then from our well, and would if I had the chance--how they wouldenjoy it. 

Blandina and I wanted to go to once to Miss Huff's, a woman we used toknow in Jonesville who keeps a small boardin' house. 

But Josiah, who had seen pictures on't, wanted to go to the Inside Inn. He said they'd advertised cheap rooms, it would have a stylish sound totell on't in Jonesville and it would be so handy and equinomical for wewouldn't have to pay entrance fees. So to please him, which wuz the maineffort of us two chaperones, we went there. We wuz tired to death thatnight anyway, and wanted a quiet haven and wanted it to once, for trulywhen Josiah pinted out the elegant buildin's that we passed I lookedcoldly on 'em, and said that there wuzn't one that looked so good to meas a goose feather piller would. And I had made up my mind that Iwouldn't take a note or act as a Observer at all till Monday mornin'. SoI faced the crowd and the Fair ground as not seein' 'em as it were, carryin' out my firm idee to begin' the job as Observer and Delineatorthe first day of the week. 

The Inside Inn we found wuz a buildin' as big as the hull of ourneighborhood and I d'no but part of Loontown and Zoar, it wuz immense. And everywhere you'd look you would see this sign pasted up:

"Pay In Advance! Pay In Advance!"

Josiah acted real puggicky about it, he said he believed they had hearnwe wuz comin' and got them signs printed for fear we would cheat 'em outof their pay or wuzn't able to pay. And he sez, "I'll let 'em know I ama solid man and have got money!" And he took out his little leather bagwhere he keeps the most of his money and showed 'em in a careless way, as much as fifteen dollars in cash. 

I told him it wuz venturesome to show off so much money, but he said hewuzn't goin' to have 'em insinuatin' in this mean underhanded way thatwe couldn't pay our bills. 

Blandina would pay her own bills, but then she's got plenty and Josiahsaid, "Let her pay for herself if she wants to. " And I said:

"Well, I spoze it will make her feel better to pay her way. "

"Yes, " he sez, "and it makes me feel better too. "

A young chap took our satchel bags and went to show us our room, and wewent through one long hall after another, and walked and walked andwalked, till I thought we should drop down. And finally Josiah stoppedin his tracks and faced the feller, and sez he:

"Look here, young man, what do you take us for? We hain't runnin' formail carriers, and we hain't niggers trainin' for a cake walk. We'd loveto git a room and set down some time to-day!"

"Yes, sir, " sez the man, "we are most to your rooms. " And he turned andbegun to go down stairs, and we follered him down two flights andstarted for a third one, and then Josiah faced him agin:

"What in Tunket ails you, anyway? Because we come from the country wedon't propose to be put down suller amongst your cabbages and turnips! Iwant you to take us to some good rooms; I've paid in advance, dum you!and I'm goin' to stand for my rights. "

"Yes, sir, " sez the man, "they're good rooms. "

And I knowin' we wuz three to one and if he wuz leadin' us off into atrap to git Josiah's money we could overpower him, I wunked for Josiahto keep still, but he wouldn't, but kep' on mutterin' whilst the man ledus down two more flights, and into some quite good rooms, only if you'llbelieve it there wuz a tree growin' right up through our room as big asJosiah's waist. 

And that made Josiah as mad as a hen agin, and he told the man, "We'vebeen imposed upon ever since we entered this house. You knew we lived onthe outskirts of Jonesville, and you've took liberties with us that youwouldn't if we had come from the heart of the village. But I'll let youknow we're knowed and respected, and Jonesville will resent it to thinkyou've put us in with trees, tryin' to make out we're green, I spoze. "

But the man wuz up two flights of stairs by this time. And I quelledJosiah down by sayin' we would try to make the best on't. The hotel isbuilt on a side hill, that's why we had to come down stairs; there arefour stories more in the back than in front, and they wouldn't let 'emcut down all the trees so they had to build right round 'em. 

But I ruther enjoyed it, and hung my mantilly up on it, there wuz somenails that somebody had left in it, and the tabs hung down noble. And asI told Josiah, "Trees are kinder sociable things anyway. "

"Sociable!" he groaned. "We don't need trees in order to be sociable. "And sure enough, on both sides on us wuz goin' on private conversationsthat we could hear every word on. It wuz a very friendly place. 

Well, I het up my little alcohol lamp and made a cup of tea and we hadlots left in our lunch basket. So I called Blandina, her room wuz onlyjest a little ways from ourn, and we had a good lunch and feltrecooperated. 

We slep' as well as we could considerin' the size and hardness of themattress and pillows, and the confidences that wuz bein' poured into usonbeknown from both sides. 

The house is built dretful shammy. Why I hearn that a man weighin' mostthree hundred took a room there, and comin' in one evenin' dretful tiredfrom the day's tramp on the Fair ground leaned up heavy aginst the wallto pull off his boots, and broke right through into the next room. 

And that room wuz occupied by a young married couple. You know it wuzdretful fashionable to marry and go to St. Louis on your tower. Sothey'd follered Fashion and the star of Love and wuz havin' a first ratetime. 

They had been there several days, and this evenin', he thinkin' his eyesof her, and feelin' very sentimental as wuz nateral, wuz readin' poetryto her, she settin' the picture of happiness and contentment with herfeet on a foot-stool, her pretty hands clasped in her lap, and her eyeslookin' up adorin'ly into hisen as he read:

"Oh, beautious love, sweet realm of joy, No wild alarm shall ere thy sweet calm break. "

When crash! bang! down come the partition with a half dressed man ontop, brandishin' aloft a boot and screamin' like a painter, as wuz onlynatural. He broke right into Love's Sweet Realm and skairt 'em intofits. 

She fell to once into highstericks, and he, when he recoveredconscientiousness threatened to lick the man, and everybody in St. Louis, and made the air blue with conversation that the Realm of Lovenever ort to hearn on, and wouldn't probable for years and years if ithadn't been for this _contrary temps_. 

I hearn this, but don't say it is so; you can hear most anything and itheld us in all right. 

The next day, bein' Sunday, Josiah thought it would be our duty to stayon the Fair ground and see the Pike, etc. But I sez: "Josiah, we willbegin this hefty job right, we will go to meetin'. "

So we went out into the city and hunted up a M. E. Meetin' house andhearn a good sermon and went into class meetin' and gin testimonies bothon us. And Blandina bein' asked to by a man went forward for prayers andsot for a spell on the sinners' bench. She's been a member for years, but she's such a clever creeter she wants to obleege everybody. 

Well, havin' done our three duties we went back peaceful and pious inframe and went to walk in of course to our own temporary home. But whatdo you think! that misuble, cheatin' man at the gate asked us to pay togit in. We hearn afterward that this wuz a dishonest man and wuz sentoff. 

"Pay!" sez Josiah. "Pay to come home from meetin'? Did you want us tohang round the meetin' house all day and sleep on the steps? Or what didyou want?"

The man kep' that stuny look onto him and sez, "Fifty cents each. "

Josiah fairly trembled with rage as he handed out the money, and sez hein a threatenin' way, "You hain't hearn the last of this, young man. Square Baker of Jonesville will git onto your tracks, and you'd betterhave a tiger after you than have him when he's rousted up. Pay forcomin' home from meetin', it is a disgrace to the nation! Call this aland of liberty when you have to pay for comin' home from meetin'!"

And sez he, as he took his change back, "Do you know what you're doin'?You're drivin' Samantha and me away from this place, and Blandina. " Andsez he, with an air of shootin' his sharpest arrer, "We shall go to MissHuff's to-morry. "

And so we did. Blandina and I wanted to go there in the first place, sowe felt well about it. We had fulfilled our duties as chaperones to thefullest extent, and had also got our own two ways in the end, which isalways comfortin' to a woman. 

We found Miss Huff settled in a pleasant street in a good comfortablehome, not so very fur away from the Fair ground. She's a widder with oneson, young and good lookin', jest home from school; and a aged parent, toothless and no more hair on his head than on the cover of my glassbutter dish. And I'll be hanged if I knowed which one on 'em Blandinapaid the most devoted attention to whilst we wuz there, but nothin'light and triflin'. 

She is likely, her morals mebby bein' able to stand more bein' so sorto' withy and soft than if they wuz more hard and brittle, they couldbend round considerable without breakin'. 

And Miss Huff had also a little grand-niece, Dorothy Evans, whose motherhad passed away, and Miss Huff bein' next of kin had took into herfamily to take care of. Dretful clever I thought it wuz of Miss Huff. Dorothy's mother, I guess, didn't have much faculty and spent everythingas she went along; she had an annuity that died with her, but she hadbeen well enough off so she could hire a nurse for the child, an elderlycolored woman, Aunt Tryphena by name, who out of love for the little onehad offered to come to Miss Huff's just to be near the little girl. 

And Dotie, as they well called her, for everyone doted on her, wuz assweet a little fairy as I ever see, her pretty golden head carriedsunshine wherever it went. And her big blue eyes, full of mischiefsometimes, wuz also full of the solemn sweetness of them "Who do alwaysbehold the face of the Father. "

I took to her from the very first, and so did Josiah and Blandina. Thehull family loved and petted her from Miss Huff and her old father downto Billy, who alternately petted and teased her. 

To Aunt Tryphena she wuz an object of perfect adoration. And AuntTryphena wuz a character uneek and standin' alone. When she wuz made themould wuz throwed away and never used afterwards. She follered Dorothyround like her shadow and helped make the beds and keep the rooms tidy, a sort of chamber-maid, or ruther chamber-woman, for she wuz sixty ifshe wuz a day. 

Besides Aunt Tryphena Miss Huff had two more girls to cook and clean. She had good help and sot a good table, and Aunt Feeny as they calledher wuz a source of constant amusement and interest; but of her moreanon. 

We got to Miss Huff's in the afternoon and rested the rest of that dayand had a good night's sleep. 

In the mornin' Josiah, who went out at my request before breakfast tobuy a little peppermint essence, come in burnin' with indignation, hismorals are like iron (most of the time). 

He said a man had been advisin' him to take the Immoral Railway as thebest way of seein' the Fair grounds as a hull before we branched out tosee things more minutely one by one. 

"Immoral Railway!" he snorted out agin. 

"I hope you didn't fall in with any such idee, Josiah Allen. " And Isithed as I thought how many took that kind of railway and wuz whirledinto ruin on't. 

"Fall in with it! I guess the man that spoke to me about it thought Ididn't fall in with it. I gin that feller a piece of my mind. "

"I hope you didn't give him too big a piece, " sez I anxiously; "you knowyou hain't got a bit to spare, specially at this time. "

Oh, how I watched over that man day by day! I wanted the peppermint morefor him than for me. I laid out if he seemed likely to break down togive him a peppermint sling. 

Not that I am one of them who when fur away from home dash out intoforbidden paths and dissipation, but I didn't consider peppermint slingwrong anyway, there hain't much stimulant to it. 

Well, we started out for the Fair in pretty good season in the mornin', Billy Huff offered to go and put us on the right car, so he walked aheadwith Blandina, Josiah and I follerin' clost in their rears. Blandinalooked up at him and follered his remarks as clost and stiddy as asunflower follers the sun. She had told me that mornin' whilst I wuzgittin' ready to start that he wuz the loveliest young man she had evermet, and a woman would be happy indeed who won him for her consort. AndI said, as I pinned my collar on more firmly with my cameo pin, that Ipresoomed that he would make a good man and pardner when he growed up. 

And she said, "Difference in age don't count anything when there is truelove. " Sez she, "Look at Aaron Burr and Lord Baconsfield, " and she brungup a number more for me to look at mentally, whilst I wuz drapin' mymantilly round my frame in graceful folds. 

But I told her I didn't seem to want to spend my time on them old ghoststhat mornin', havin' such a big job on my hands to tackle that day asfirst chaperone to Josiah, and I got her mind off for the time bein', bythe time I had fastened on my mantilly so the tabs hung as I wanted 'emto hang. 

CHAPTER V. 

Josiah wuz for goin' into the show by the entrance nighest to MissHuff's, but I said, "No, that may do for other times, but when I firstenter this Fair ground as a Observer" (for in our visit to the Inside Innwe wuz only weary wayfarers, too tired to observe, and the Sabbath wefelt wuz no time to jot down impressions). No, this day I felt wuz inreality our _dayboo_, and I sez impressively, "I will not go sneakin' inby any side door or winder, I'm goin' to enter by the main gateway. "

Josiah kinder hummed:

"Broad is the road that leads to deathAnd thousands walk together there. "

But when he found we could go in there at the same price he didn'tparley further, and Billy took us to the car that would leave us where Iwanted to be. 

The main entrance is in itself a noble sight worth goin' milds and mildsto see, a long handsome buildin' curvin' round gracefully some in shapelike a mammoth U only bendin' round more at the ends, and endin' withhandsome buildin's, and tall pillars decorate the hull length and flagswave out nobly all along on top. 

Mebby it wuz meant for a U and meant Union, a name good enough forentrance into anything or anywhere. And if it wuz I approved on't, andwould encouraged 'em by tellin' 'em so if they'd asked me beforehand. Union! a name commandin' world-wide respect, writ in blue and gray onmillions of hearts, sealed with precious blood. 

The centre of the long buildin' peaks up and arches over you in such alofty and magnificent way that you feel there some as Miss Sheba musthave felt when she went to visit Mr. And Miss Solomon or the MissesSolomon, I spoze I ort to say, he had a variety of wives, though it isnothin' I ever approved on, and would told him so if I'd had the chance. 

But good land! Mr. Solomon never had any sights to show Miss Shebaapproachin' this Fair, I wouldn't been afraid to take my oath on't. 

We riz the flight of steps which hundreds and hundreds could risesimiltaneously and abreast, paid our three fares and went in. And whenyou first stand inside of that gate the beauty jest strikes you in yourface some like a great flash of lightnin', only meller and happifyin'instead of blindin'. 

And the vastness of it as you look on every side on you impresses you soyou feel sunthin' as you would if you wuz sot down on the Desert ofSara, and Sara wuz turned into vistas of bewilderin' beauty towardsevery pint of her compass. 

There wuz broad, smooth paths leadin' out on every side all on 'em fullof folks from every country in the world, and clad in every costoom youever see or ever didn't see before. Folks in plain American dress sideby side with dark complected folks wropped up seemin'ly in white sheets, jest their black-bearded faces and flashin' eyes gleamin' at you fromthe drapery. Then there would be mebby a pretty young girl with arose-bud face under a lace parasol. Two sweet-faced nuns in sombry blackwith their pure white night caps on under their clost black bunnets andveils, and follerin' them some fierce lookin' creeters in red baggytrousers embroidered jackets and skull caps with long tossels on 'em;Persians mebby, or Arabs. 

As Josiah looked at these last I hearn him murmur as if to himself, "Whyunder the sun didn't Samantha put in my dressin' gown with tossels, andthe smokin' cap Thomas J. Gin me, I could showed off some then. "

But I pretended not to hear him for my eyes wuz fastened on the passin'pageant. Smart lookin' bizness men with handsome well-dressed wives andchildren, then a Injun with striped blanket, beaded moccasins andhead-dress of high feathers. Then a American widder, mebby a plain one, and mebby grass; then some more wimmen. Then some Chinamen with longdresses and pig-tails follered by some gawky, awkwud country folks; somemore smart-lookin' Americans. Some English tourists with field-glassesstrapped over one shoulder. Some Fillipinos in yellerish costoom. Then akodak fiend ready to aim at anything or nothin' and hit it; then someScotchmen in Tarten dress and follerin' clost some Japans, lots and lotsof them scattered along. Then some brown children and their mothers, thechildren dressed mostly in a sash and some beads, and some more prettywhite children dressed elaborate, and some niggers, and some soldiers, and some more wimmen, and more folks, and some more, and some more, in astiddy and endless stream. 

Good land! I couldn't sort out and describe them that passed by in anhour even, no more than I could sort out and describe the slate stuns inJonesville creek, and you well know that wagon loads could be took outof one little spot. 

Josiah said to me, "Why jest to look at this crowd, Samantha, paysanybody for comin' here clear from the Antipathies. "

Sez I, "Josiah, you mean the Antipodes. "

"I mean what I say!" he snapped out, "and les's be movin' on, no usestandin' here all day. "

He don't love to be corrected. But truly that immense and strangelyassorted crowd constantly comin', constantly goin' and changin' all thetime wuz a sight well worth comin' from Jonesville to see, even if wedidn't see a thing more. But, oh, what didn't we see! what a glorioussight as our eyes left the crowd and looked 'round us. Why the wonderand beauty on't fairly struck you in the face some like a flash oflightnin' only more meller and happifyin'. 

There you are in the beautiful Court of St. Louis. And right in thecentre sets Saint Louis himself on a prancin' horse, holdin' up a cross, I wuz glad to see that cross held up as if in benediction over all theimmense crowd below, it seemed as if it begun the Fair right, jest as itbegins the week right to go to meetin' Sunday. 

I always sot store by Saint Louis. Leadin' them Crusades of hisen toprotect Christians and free the Holy Land from lawless invaders. Howmuch I thought on him for it. Though I could advised him for his good inlots of things if I'd been 'round. 

Now his marryin' a girl twelve years old who ort to been in pantalettesand high aprons, I should tried to break it up, I should told him plainand square that I wouldn't have heard for a minute to his marryin' ourTirzah Ann at that age. She shouldn't married him if he'd been KingLouis twenty or thirty instead of nine. But I wuzn't there and he wenton and had his way, as men will. 

But he acted noble in lots of things, made a wise ruler and a generousone, lived and died like a hero. And I was glad to see him riz up insuch a sightly place, holdin' up the cross he wuz willin' to give hislife for. 

He looked first rate, he wore a sort of a helmet and had a cloak on, shaped some like my long circle cape, only it didn't set so good, and Iwuz sorry they didn't have my pattern to cut it by. Hisen kinder curledup at the back, they ort to cut it ketterin'. Two noble statutes stoodon each side on him, kinder guardin' him as it were, though he didn'tneed it as long as he clung to the cross. Scattered all along by theside of the broad paths wuz little green oasises, on which thesplendor-tired and people-tired eyes could rest and recooperate alittle. 

In front of you quite a little ways off on each side stood immensesnow-white palaces each one on 'em seemin' more beautiful than the lastone you looked at, full of sculptured beauty and with long, long rows ofpearl white collumns and ornaments of all kinds. Beyond, but still as itwere in the foreground, as it ort to, high up on a lofty pedestal stoodthe statute of Peace. 

My pardner, who for reasons named, wuz inclined to pick flaws in thisglorious Exposition, sez to me:

"What's the use of sculpin' Peace up on so high a monument and showin'her off as if she wuz safe and sound, and then histin' cannons up rightby her throwin' balls that will travel twenty milds and then knock hersky high. "

I sithed, but almost onbeknown to myself looked at the Cross, and hopedthat that divine light would go ahead through the wilderness of worldwarfare makin' a safe path, so Peace could git down from her highmonument bime-by and walk round some through the world without gittin'her head blowed off. 

Smilin' and gleamin' jest beyond wuz the bright sunny waters on whichlittle boats painted in bright colors with gay awnin's wuz glidin' abouthere and there, and bursts of melodious song come from the gayly attiredboatmen anon or oftener. And furder on wuz the Grand Basin, a largebeautiful piece of water, and back on't down a green hill seventy feethigh leaps and bounds and gurgles and sings three glitterin' cascades, each one seemin' to start out from a splendid buildin' up on the hill. 

The ones on the side smaller, but the middle one a grand and statelypalace called Festival Hall, and jinin' these three buildin's togetherare what they call the Collonnade of States. A impressive row ofsnow-white pillows, and on them pillows, settin' up in the place ofhonor, are big statutes of female wimmen, fourteen in number, symbolicof the original States of the Louisiana Purchase. 

I wanted to go right up to Festival Hall the first minute, it didn'tseem fur it wuz through such seens of bewilderin' beauty, but abystander standin' by said it wuz half a mild. 

But Josiah kinder nudged me and said, "Mebby we'd better take theImmoral Railway. With you by my side, Samantha, I feel I can face itsdangers. "

Sez I, "Where has your principle gone that you had this mornin', Josiah?"

"I have got it, Samantha, jest the same; I hain't used none this time o'day. But I thought I would kinder love to tell the brethren I'd rid onit. " And before I could parley with him he asked that same bystander, agood lookin' iron gray man, "Where is the Immoral Railway?"

"The Intre Moral Railway starts there, " sez he, pintin' to a place quitenigh to us. 

"Intre Moral, " sez I to myself; "that is a good name. " And as we wendedour way to it through the crowds of folks of every name and nation I sezto myself, "I'd love to ride on it. " For havin' naterally so scientificand deep a mind I love to trace back words like little rivulets, totheir source, and see where they spring from. For meandering through theages they gather lots of foreign stuff and take queer turns. 

Intre Moral, I took it that that meant extra moral. I liked the soundon't, and we got on and rode quite a spell, and see everything we could, and when we went clear 'round on that, we got onto a big ortomobile andrid 'round on that so's we could see the hull Fair as it were in onepicture, before we examined its glories more minutely one by one. 

[Illustration]

And I should have took sights of comfort viewin' the magnificent seensspread out and growin' and changin' every minute if I hadn't had to kep'one eye onto Josiah Allen all the time, or as you may say two eyes, onemy own gray orb and the other the eye of my specs. The seen wuz sohugely grand, so magnificently stupendous, and the mind that it wuz myduty as first chaperone to guard wuz so small I sez to myself, could itbe bombarded by that immense grandeur and not utterly collapse. ButBlandina wuz on the other side on him, so I didn't feel as I should hadthe responsibility devolved on me alone. 

But he bore it well. He looked off on the seen grander than anythingFairy Land ever dremp on or ever will, I believe. And then he lookedpensively at my silk bag where I'd stored all the cookies and nut-cakesit would hold, to keep up his strength between meals. 

And so gradually I dropped my agonizing anxiety and let my eyes drink inthe onequalled beauty of the seen as we went by the tall gloriouspalaces towerin' up in white magnificence. Past sparklin' water spacesfilled with gay pleasure craft full of happy white-robed voyagers. Pastthe spans of arched bridges leadin' from one seen of glory to another, past tall white shafts carryin' up to the listenin' Heavens deeds ofglory and valor. 

Past white statutes more beautiful than poet's dreams, risin' up fromgreen velvet lawns or marble terraces. Broad highways would dawn on ourvision, anon vistas of incomparable beauty way off, way off as fur as wecould see would open up other views jest as fair. Anon the columnedwalls of some nearby palace would seem to close in the view, and thenagin the fur vision, and anon the blue waters flowin' on and on. Andscattered all over the ground roamed the happy people, men, wimmen andchildren of every name and nation, clothed in every garb that folks everwore under the sun, and some, it seemed to me, made up jest for thatoccasion, as Eve started her new fashion of fall dress, only this wuzn'tmade of leaves, no indeed! fur from it. 

But I believe the foreign costoom we see most of all wuz the Japan. Andall through the Fair that nation seemed to show off in the very firstrank. Well, I wuz willin', I always kinder liked 'em, they're so politeand courteous to everybody, and as for makin' storks and folks settin'on nothin' and lookin' perfectly comfortable settin' on it, they go furahead of anybody else, and they have lots of other noble qualities. Incleanin' house time, now I have fairly begreched the ease and comfort ofthem Japanese housewives who jest take up their mat and sweep out, movetheir paper walls a little mebby and there it is done. 

No heavy, dirt-laden carpets to clean, no papered walls and ceilings tobreak their back over, no trumpery brickaty brack to take care of anddust and make life a burden. Kind hearted, reverent to equals andsuperiors--trained to kindness and courtesy and reverence in childhoodwhen American mothers are ruled and badgered by short skirted androundabout clad tyrants. 

I set store by the Japans and am glad to hear how fast they're pressin'forwards in every path civilization has opened; science, art and thebest education. And wuz glad to see so many of 'em here. They could giveUncle Sam a good many lessons if he wuz willin' to take 'em. But good ashe is he is a heady old creeter, and won't be driv into anything and hasa powerful good opinion of himself. 

But to resoom forwards. After we'd gone the complete 'round of the IntreMoral Railway and ortemobile we got out agin on the Plaza not fur fromwhere we embarked, and at my request we took a boat. Josiah chose one ofthe handsomest ones with the front end kinder bowin' up and abright-colored awnin' over it; they called it a gondola. 

The gondolier had bold flashin' black eyes and a gay suit that struckJosiah's fancy, and I knowed by his looks he wuz meditatin' on whatMight Have Been. I felt that he wuz in fancy rowin' a boat up our creekin a red coat and green hat with yeller feathers mebby, carryin' sisterSubmit Tewksbury or sister Gowdey, sailin' towards his own Exposition ofSt. Josiah. There wuz a sad pensive look on his liniment that belongedto ruined hopes and blighted emotions. 

Blandina whispered to me she thought the gondolier a image of beauty andwondered if he had a companion; she said she believed he would bedevoted to a wife if he had one that looked up to him. 

I answered her like one talkin' onbeknown to herself, two of my eyes andmy spectacles furtively watchin' the liniment of my beloved pardner, andmy speritual eyes feastin' on the perfect loveliness of the seen. Broadsmooth waters how beautiful they were, dotted with craft similar to ournand freighted with happy voyagers dartin' here and there, and some ofthe boats wuz the queerest shapes, one on 'em looked jest exactly like abig white swan, and there wuz one, if you'll believe it, that lookedlike a sea serpent, I wouldn't have rid in it for a dollar bill, thoughJosiah said he'd love to tell Deacon Henzy that he'd straddled the oldsea serpent and rid to shore on it. 

But I sez, "Good land, Josiah, you don't ride on the outside on it, there is a place fixed inside somewhere for passengers. "

But most of the boats wuz handsome. Anon the water lay smooth and fairabout us, and fur off we could see immense fountains risin' right up outof the glassy surface, sprayin' up and glitterin' down floods of rainbowglory. 

Agin we landed on terry firmy I a feelin' as if we wuz roamin' throughFancy's fields, for it seemed as if cold Reality never could haveplanned anything approachin' what wuz all round us. For as you draw nighthe glittering Cascades you fairly stop bewildered by the beauty, andmost want to shet your eyes on it, not knowin' what path to choose whereall are so bagonin' full of allurements and the hull world seemin' to beallured there by 'em. On one side the glory of the waters dashing, sparkling, bounding along down, with fountains sprayin' up every littlewhile, and white statutes smilin' down on us nigher by. On the otherside green verdure and beyond and on every side the glory of the water, and above us the most magnificent buildin' in the world flanked on eachside with the long Colonnade of States. 

And speakin' of statutes, jest think of the sculptured groups we passedby that eventful day, more'n I could describe in a month of Sundays. Louis and Clark, the very men I'd read about in Gasses Journal, how Iwished their eyes could see and their ears hear me. How interested andproud they would have been to hear me tell how even as a child I lovedto hear mother Smith read about their journeyin's into the new andonexplored country, findin' swamps and stumps and savages, where now wuzsmilin' gardens and palaces. Then there was Robert Livingstone, andFranklin, noble high souled old creeter, I always loved him in a meetin'house sense, drawin' down lightnin' and so forth--he wuz the very Pa ofelectricity as you may say. 

And James Monroe, and Boone, and Settin' Bull, yes there wuz Settin'Bull settin' or ruther standin' right in that great company. And all on'em mute and onafraid, onmindful of the presence of a Samantha andJosiah, I felt to pity 'em. 

But the noblest meanin' statute of all in my eyes wuz right in front ofthe main Cascade. There stood a immense statute of Liberty, raisin' theveil of Ignorance and protectin' Truth and Justice. Ignorance don't wanther eyes oncovered, she'd 'drather keep on blind as a bat. But Libertyhain't goin' to mind her, she wuz bound to git the bandages off; Iwanted to encourage her in it and I waved my hand towards her and smiledin lovin' greetin'. Josiah thought I wuz flirtin', and asked meanxiously if I'd got sight of any man from Jonesville. I wouldn't dainto reply to him--at my age! and with my reputation to carry round! Theidee!

Well, when we stood on the stun balcony over the spot where the centralcascade gushes out, what a seen lay spread out before us. You can lookoff two milds one way and most a mild another. And wuz there ever in theworld milds so crowded full of beauty and each beauty differin' from theother as one star differs from another in glory. Eight magnificentpalaces are in full sight, their walls bathed by the blue waters, andbeyond 'em, interspersed by green foliage, wuz a perfect wilderness oftowers, minarets, domes, banners, battlements. 

I hain't goin' to describe what I looked down on, for I can't. No, if Ihad a big book of synonyms to the words Grand and Glorious and usedevery one on 'em tryin' to describe that seen I couldn't begin to dojustice to it, and so what is the use of tryin' with the Jonesvillevocabulary. 

And if I can't describe it, don't for pity sake ask Josiah Allen to, foryou might know that if I couldn't he wouldn't stand no chance. But Ihearn him gin a sort of gaspin' sithe as he looked, and Blandina Ibelieve forgot for a few minutes her passionate though chaste, overrulin' passion. 

As magnificent as the hull of St. Louis Exposition is, it naterally hasone spot handsomer than the rest, a particular beauty spot as you maysay. Why every house has it. The beauty of my parlor kinder branchesout, as you may say, from my new rep rocker, a lovely work of art thatcost over six dollars. I keep it in the sightliest place, where the eyeof man can fall on it at first. And the central beauty spot of the Fairwuz centered in the place I have been talkin' about. 

I'd hearn that it wuz some the shape of a fan and we had talked it overbetween us, whether it would look like my best paper fan I carry tomeetin' Sundays, or my big turkey feather fan. But, good land! theydwindled down so in my mind while I stood there that I might be said tonever have sot my eyes on a turkey's feather, or a turkey or anything. It is a spectacle that once seen is never forgot. 

The central spot, or handle of the fan (in allegory), is occupied byFestival Hall and on either side stretches out the beautiful Collonnadeof States with its lovely and heroic female wimmen settin' up there asif sort o' takin' care of the hull concern. I spoke to Blandina aboutit, how pleased I wuz to see my sect settin' up so high in the place ofhonor, and she sez:

"Oh, Aunt Samantha, I cannot rejoice with you, it rasps my very soul tosee men slighted! What would the world do without men?"

"Well, " sez I, wantin' to please her, "men do come handy lots of times. But, " sez I reasonably, "the world wouldn't last long if it wuzn't forwimmen. " But to resoom. 

At each end of the Collonnade, peakin' up a little higher, is a sort ofa round shaped buildin', beautiful in structure, where food can beobtained. And knowin' the effect on men of good food I knowed this wuz asensible idea, for no matter how festivious a man may be, and probablyis in Festival Hall, yet his appetite stretches out on both sides on himjest as it wuz depicted here. And female wimmen stand between him andstarvation most of the time. I considered the hull thing highlysymbolical and loved to see it. 

But jest think of a magnificent picture containin' all that is mostbeautiful in land and water, extendin' in a graceful, curvin' way threethousand feet. Why that's as fur as from our house over the EbenezerBobbettses, and I d'no but furder, and every foot and inch of itperfectly beautiful. How much land do you spoze is took up by thiscentral spot of beauty? Now if I should ask sister Sylvester Gowdey, whoalways thinks she knows everything worth knowin', if I should say, "Howmuch land do you spoze, sister Gowdey, is took up by jest this centralbeauty spot of the Fair?" I'll bet she'd say, "Mebby half an acre. "

But I'd say, "Melissy, it occupies six hundred acres. "

I d'no as sister Gowdey would believe me, but it's so, the livin' truth. Why, the three Cascades are three hundred feet long. Beautiful in thedaytime as a dream of Paradise! fancy it in the evening when thousandsand thousands of colored lights lend their glowin' charm to the seen. Why you almost cover your eyes from the bewilderin' glory on't. And as Isaid to Josiah, "We shall never see another seen so beautiful till wesee Jerusalem the Golden descend before our rapt vision. " And he bein'kinder fraxious, sez:

"I hain't seen that yet, nor you nuther. "

"By the eye of Faith I have, Josiah. "

"Well, tain't no time or place for preachin', we better be gittin'along!"

Right under the main Cascade we went down into a beautiful grotto alllighted up, with one hull side of the room made of fallin' water. Inever expected to step into such a place. I have felt perfectlysatisfied when I've papered over my dining-room with paper a shillin' aroll, and it did look well. But what wuz it to this? Refreshments areserved down there clost to the sparklin' liquid side of the room, andJosiah wantin' to go the hull figure, set down and eat a nut-cake whichI gin him. 

They say stimulants can be obtained down here. And mebby they can, themthat seek can generally find, there wuz a serpent in Paradise; but _I_didn't see any, I spoze the noble look on my face would dant any dealerin such pizen from displayin' it to me. And it ain't likely that Josiahwith two chaperones would set eyes on any. 

CHAPTER VI. 

The two side cascades represent the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Josiahsez in a kinder patronizing way, "They're likely Cascades, but I can'tsee in what way they represent oceans. "

And I sez, "It hain't _for_ you to know everything, Josiah, you hain'texpected to. Such knowledge would be more than you with your small framecould stand up under. "

"Oh, keep throwin' my size in my face. It's a pity I hain't a giraffe, then mebby I'd suit you. " And he added snappishly, "I'll bet you can'ttell yourself how they look like oceans. "

And I sez, "I wuz never any hand to tell all I knew, I always thought itwuz best to keep one story back. "

But to tell the truth I couldn't see how they represented oceans, onlythey wuz both water, but so is a teacupful of water, or a spunful. Another way they differed from the ocean, the water hain't there all thetime, only once in awhile. Josiah, bent on findin' fault, sez:

"Pretty oceans they be! Dry land most all the time. "

But I sez, "I've always wished the Atlantic would dry up long enough forme to go over afoot or with the old mair, like the Israelites over theRed Sea, I'd start to-morry. " I'm afraid of deep water. Why half thetime I'm afraid of our creek and dassent go acrost the foot bridge. 

But the water wuz there when we see 'em, and the Cascades wuz beautifulas a dream and more beautiful than lots of mine, specially when I'mtired out. 

As to representin' the two oceans, I spoze it means them beautifulgolden tinted statutes, the Spirit of the Atlantic and the Spirit of thePacific that stands at the head of the Cascades. 

Well, we hung round there a long time, and finally at my request we wentinto Festival Hall and sot down a spell and rested. And I thought as Isot there I'd like to ask Sister Gowdey how big she thought thisbuildin' wuz. She would never dream it covered two hull acres, but itduz, three or four thousand people can set in it, and its organ is thebiggest in the world, more than ten thousand pipes in it and each pipeas full of music as an egg is of meat. 

The two pipes havin' the lowest notes a small horse can walk through ortwo good-sized men standin' side by side. So you can imagine the streamsof melody that can float through them immense channels. It has onehundred and forty stops, every one on 'em that will stop if told toquick as a wink. 

It took a train of ten cars to bring it from Los Angelus where it wuzmade. You can imagine how its music fairly shakes the ground and carriesyou off your feet, seemin'ly like the very music of the spears. 

Good land! what's Tirzah Ann's organ compared to it? And I thought thatwuz as good as any they make, the agent said it wuz; we paid over sixtydollars for it. 

And who do you think dedicated this most beautiful structure that wuzever built, to the music of the biggest organ in the world'? Why, it wuzwoman, my own female sect. I tell you it made me proud to think on't. Itwuz told me by one that wuz there that it wuz filled with wimmen on thatoccasion, and as many men as could git in after the wimmen wuz seated. 

Jest think on't, oh, my sect! who have been used to sneakin' up backstairs to look down on men seated in state at banquet tables, or peakfrom the gallery at the Capitol to see 'em nobly engaged in makin' lawsto govern her, tellin' her how to spend the money she earned herself, and how long to send her to jail, and where and when to hang her, andetcetery; while she could only jest peak at 'em. Oh, my soul! wuzn't ita agreeable state of affairs the doin's here at Festival Hall? As I saidto Josiah as we sot there, "Don't it show my sect is lookin' up?"

And he said he never found wimmen backward in lookin' up, he said henever see a place that would dant 'em and stop their tongues fromwaggin'. He made light of the great incident and would been glad to hadmen dedicate it; indeed he jest the same as told me he felt theExposition had stood in its own light in not havin' a certain leadin'man in Jonesville, who wuz way up in political and moral life, havin'held the offices of path-master and deacon. "But, " sez he, with somebitterness of sperit and speakin' skornfully:

"What if wimmen did dedicate it? They can git up dressed in their silksand shiffoniers, and talk, talk, but they can't vote no matter how welloff they be. They've got to pony up and pay taxes and toe the mark inlaw jest as men tell 'em to. "

"Why, " sez he, warmin' with his subject, "we men can set on you injuries and you can't help yourselves, and hang you and so forth. And youW. C. T. U. Wimmen would have to let your tax money go to pay for drinkin'shacks if we men of Jonesville, and the world, took it into our heads tomake you. Why, " sez he, lookin' more and more big feelin' as he went on, as why shouldn't he, as he recounted men's glorious advantages, "Nate Flanders, who is most a fool, can vote and make you knuckle downand do as he tells you to. And don't you remember that time the 'lectionrun so clost they got up old bed-ridden Nate Haskins, whose brain hadbeen softenin' for years, and his wife had to dress him and git himready for the pole, he callin' on his wife, Nancy, to put on everyidentical garment and tell where it went, and when they got him to thepole he wouldn't vote because Nance wuzn't there to tell him whichticket to vote. She'd jest kep' that voter alive for years, and beenhead and hands for him, but she couldn't vote and he could. "

Everybody has seen hosses run off the track when they wuz goin' toofast; Josiah wuz so engaged in runnin' wimmen's pride down, he didn'trealize where he wuz gallopin' to. "And there wuz Jane Ellis who losther husband and two boys through drinkin', she had to let her tax moneybe used to help nominate a license man, who opened a liquor saloon rightunder her nose, and the last boy she had took to drinkin' and killedhimself last week drunk as a fool. "

"I'd be ashamed to boast of that, Josiah Allen, I'd be ashamed on't. "

"Well, " sez he, lookin' kinder meachin', "I didn't say I approved ofthat, I only said it to prove how weak and triflin' a thing woman reallyis in the eyes of the law. " And the rubber-like self-esteem of a male, havin' sprung back in full force, he went on:

"Why, Miss Corkins, up to Zoar, that pays bigger taxes than any man intown, earnt it all herself too in the millionary bizness, why, thatsnub-nosed nigger that drives for her can vote, and she can't. And thenI'd talk about dedicatin' the biggest buildin' in the world, singin'hims on the biggest organ and lettin' a few men into the back door--Iwouldn't feel so big about it if I wuz you. 

"Why, we men jest throw such little compliments in the way of females tokeep you contented, jest as I throw crumbs from the table to Bruno tohome and pat him on the back. He knows he can't come to the table. Wemen jest hang onto the ballot; wimmen hain't goin' to git holt of thatin a hurry and boss us round, no indeed!"

Oh, how obstrepolous and important he did talk and act! And Blandinalookin' up so admirin' at him and agreein' to every word he said, jestfor all the world like an anty, seemed to rile me worse than anythingelse. But as long as I couldn't dispute a word he said, knowin' it wuzas true as gospel, I kep' demute, and hoped he would take it for adignified silence that wouldn't dain to argy. 

Well, we had our lunch in a box and a bottle of cold tea, and we eat it, and rested quite a spell, Josiah's good nater returnin' with everymouthful he took, till by the time we got ready to start out agin, hewuz as clever a critter as I want to see. 

I wanted to tackle the Palace of Arts next, as it wuz quite nigh byconsiderin'. The Fair grounds are so immense that you have to travelquite a distance to git anywhere. But Josiah said he wanted to seesunthin' that wuz of practical use, ondervaluin' beauty, the greatPower, as some do. He wanted to see sunthin' solid, such as mines andmetals. And of course Blandina jined in with him, and though that iswhat I wanted of her, as second chaperone, it provoked me time and agin;queer, hain't it?

So as that too wuz quite nigh by, we went to the Palace of Mines andMetals. It wuz a beautiful buildin', the walls covered with ornamentalcarvin' and ornaments, and two tall pillars standin' up each side of theentrance as if they wuz two Genis jealously guardin' the Under Worldfrom intrusion. But we got by 'em. And what didn't we see there?Everything that wuz ever dug out of the earth, and the way it wuzdiscovered, mined and made useful to man. 

Gems, precious stuns, granite, marble and all the processes for cuttingand polishing. Minerals of all kinds, natural mineral paints andfertilizers, cement, luminants and waters. Asbestos, mica, coal, coaloil and all the machinery for refining and storing it. Displays fornatural gas, petroleum; everything relating to lighting mines; safetylamps; oils; electricity; acetyline. Most interestin' display ingeology; all kinds of rocks; crystal; clay; ores; nickel and all themetals for making iron and steel and makin' 'em right there before you. Explosives used in the Under World. Everything relating to the workin'of salt mines; oil wells; metals, photographs; maps, illustrating howthese riches of the earth wuz deposited, and all the machinery forcollecting and making them useful to man. 

And there wuz a place where we could see a miner's cabin, and miners atwork, blasting, draining, driving tunnels, drilling, travelingunderground. A gold mill; a New Mexican turquoise mine; a lead, zinc andcopper mine, all working there before us; and a coal mine discoveredthere on the Exposition grounds, an underground railway connected thesetwo mines. And all sorts of mineral waters, queer things they be flowin'side by side out of the same ground as different as water and wine. Andthere wuz a foundry and mint for makin' money. 

Imagine a buildin' coverin' nine acres full of such interestin' sights, and thirteen acres out-doors. For you must remember that it wuz not onlythe riches of America's Under World, but the wealth of England, France, Germany, Sweden, Italy, Japan and in fact every foreign nation. Josiahreveled in it, and so did Blandina vicariously. And I enjoyed it too, for I always wuz wonderin' what wuz goin' on under my feet, and now Ihad a glimpse on't. 

Well, we stayed there a long time and went from there into ManufacturesBuildin', when who should we meet but Uncle Giles Petigrew, a M. E. Deacon who used to live in Zoar but who had moved to St. Louis someyears before. We used to know him well. He wuz a old man when he leftZoar, and had lost four wives a runnin' before he left there, and ofcourse I didn't know how many he'd lost since he come West, I see hewore a mournin' weed, and mistrusted he'd lost another, and so it turnedout. It beats all what bad luck he has had. He wuzn't to blame for anyone on 'em, 'tennyrate them that passed away at Zoar, and I spozed itwuz jest the same here. Never pizened any of 'em, or divorced 'em oranything, it wuz jest his bad luck. 

He seemed real glad to see us and wuz dretful chipper for a man most ahundred; he got hold of my hand and shook it as if he never would leggo, and went right on confidin' in me about his lost companion, what atreasure she wuz, and what a loss. 

And I sez, "Your wives wuz real nice wimmen, most all on 'em wuz, orthem that I knowed. "

"Oh, yes, " sez he, "and these blows that has fell on me has mostonmanned me. "

And I sez in pityin' axents, "You won't try to git another wife, willyou, Uncle Giles?"

"Yes, I shall, as long as the Lord keeps a takin', I shall--is thatwoman with Josiah a widder?"

I answered evasive, and kinder stepped in between him and Blandina, Ididn't want her to hear what he wuz sayin', I dassent. It wouldn't beenbest for her to married a man most a hundred. And I knowed her softnater made her a willin' martyr to widower's wiles. Age made nodifference to Blandina. And I dassent venter to let him git nearer toher. So I bid him a hasty good-by and linked my arm into hern and ledher away. She lookin' back and sayin', "How agreeable and willin' alookin' man that wuz, " and I hurried her on fast to ManufacturesBuildin'--stoppin' by the way to see the beautiful Sunken Garden. 

The display in Manufactures is so large that they fill two immensepalaces, Manufacturers and Varied Industries, and you'd git lost youcouldn't help it, amongst the bewilderin' and endless native and foreigndisplays, only the aisles are divided off into streets and squares, allthe same width, so you can git 'round first-rate. And if you had ten orfifteen years you could spend here you might possibly see most of thedisplays of your own native land and all the foreign countries. Thesetwo palaces cover twenty-eight acres, as big as Luman Gowdey's farm thathe gits a good livin' on, and the hull twenty-eight acres are full ofinterestin' sights. You can walk nine miles in it right ahead--as fur asfrom Jonesville way up to Zoar, and back agin. 

And jest think of every single thing that wuz ever manufactured from ahatpin to a rose-wood bedstead, and from a needle to a piano, and thereit wuz in plain sight if you could git to it, for truly you gotbewildered amongst the endless displays. Furniture, upholstery, allsorts of cloth, silk, wool and cotton that wuz ever woven, all kinds ofsilver and gold, and pearl and jet and shell and ivory articles that wuzever used, clocks, watches, jewels, embroideries, laces, carpets, curtains, wall paper, stationery, hardware, glass and crystal, furs, bronze, ironware, leather goods, stained glass, artists' supplies, tailor shop, rubber store, toy store. 

But good land! what is the use of tryin' to name 'em over? I couldn't doit if I had a blank book as big as a dictionary and writ it full. Butyou can jest think of everything manufactured you ever see, or everdidn't see and there it wuz, and more and more and more, and I mightfill pages with "mores, " but what use would it be. 

But one of the best things we see at the hull Fair wuz there in thePalace of Varied Industries. For to the thinkin' mind, the countlessdisplay of articles, the marvels and magnificence of this Exposition isnot its main value, but its educational worth, its power to inspire andteach the people of the world better ways of living and working, how tomake the most and best of life for themselves and others. And among theeducational exhibits one of the most interestin' to my mind is the one Ispeak on in the Varied Industries Palace. 

The company that displays this has other interestin' exhibits atdifferent places at the Exposition, but here they have a display that Iwish the head of every big concern that employs labor could see andstudy and take to heart. This company employs thousands of men andwimmen in makin' a machine that wonderfully simplifies labor. 

But where the real educational value comes in hain't in the machineitself, or the makin' on't, though that's interestin', but the way thiscompany treats its employees. 

You sit in a neat little theatre, fitted up with easy seats, andelectric fans and every comfort, and right in front of you, throwed ontoa big screen, are pictures from real life showin' Capital and Labordwellin' together like a lion and a lamb, and the child Justice leadin''em. 

Here you see and hear in the interestin' talk of the lecturer picturesfrom the old time, when the company first begun its work up to thegigantic plant and immense buildings of to-day. You see a woman tryin'to warm some coffee over a radiator, they say the president of thecompany see that, and it first made him think of furnishin' a lunch roomwith a kitchen and every convenience for his employees. 

You see pictures of the women employees goin' to their work a half hourlater than the men, so the cars won't be so crowded. You see 'em attheir recreation time of fifteen minutes, at ten in the forenoon andthree in the afternoon, goin' through their physical exercises, or someother recreation to brighten 'em up for the rest of the day. 

Then you see 'em at their clubs and classes, or playing tennis orbaseball, or in the big auditorium built for their use, listenin' tosome great orator or fine musician. These employees are not drudges, butjoy is labor and labor is joy. 

Then there is a picture showing a street of the homes of theseemployees, pretty houses with windows and doorways covered with vinesand bright blossoms, makin' a picture of what some say is the mostbeautiful street in the world. 

And there are pictures of noted people who have been there to study andlearn their methods, folks from foreign countries, who will carry theblessed and beautiful example seen here to other lands. In one view is aPrince and Princess who went there to learn their ways, lookin'admirin'ly on. In another is a Cardinal givin' his benediction tothousands of the happy workers. 

It is a sermon better than is often preached, what you see there in thatlittle theatre. It is Love and Labor and Beauty and Joy walkin' hand inhand. I wuz highly tickled with it, and spent a glad hour here. 

But Josiah and I thought we'd seen enough for one day, and would gohome. But Blandina wanted to look over the articles of men's wearin'apparell a little more; I don't see what comfort they wuz to her but shesaid, "They brought back memories. " And I spoze they did make her thinkof Teeter and mebby his possible successor. But one thing, I believe, that made her want to stay, we met Billy Huff jest as we wuz comin' outof the buildin', and Blandina proposed that she should stay a littlelonger with him and I gin a willin' consent, more willin' it seemed tome than Billy wuz, though he couldn't refuse to escort home a guest ofthe house. 

But Josiah and I went home and both on us used some anarky on our tiredlimbs, and he cleaned the mud offen our shoes, for truly it wuz faithfuland stuck by us. 

It had rained the night before and that made it dretful muddy, Josiahacted real grouty about it and sot there mutterin' and complainin' aboutthe mud till I got kinder wore out and sez:

"For mercy sake! I guess you've seen mud before, Josiah Allen. Think ofour Jonesville streets after a heavy rain. "

"Well, they never wuz so muddy that I lost the old mair in 'em, and aman told me to-day that they lost a elephant here the other day, it wentright down in the mud out of sight, and they never see hide or hair ofhim agin. "

"Don't you believe that, Josiah Allen; it hain't no such thing, I hearnall about it, the elephant didn't go clear in. He didn't go more thanhalf in, they could see his back all the time and they got him out allright. "

"Well, that's furder in the mud than the old mair ever went enoughsight, and I never could have faced my country agin, if the streets hadbeen so muddy at my Exposition. "

"Don't be pickin' flaws all the time, Josiah. There is enough of beautyand grandeur here to satisfy any common man. "

"But I hain't a common man, Samantha, and never wuz called so. "

"Well, oncommon then, there is enough beauty here to satisfy an oncommonman. "

That seemed to molify him, and he gin in that it wuz a pretty good show. But in many things inferior to what hisen would have been if he'dcarried it out. But I discouraged all such morbid idees and led his mindoff onto sunthin' else. 

That evenin' whilst Josiah went out to mail a letter Blandina come intomy room and sez the first thing, "Aunt Samantha, I love him passionatelybut my love is scorned by him. "

And she busted into tears. I didn't ask no questions, but from Billy'sicy demeanor at supper table and Blandina's sentimental grief-strickenlinement I mistrusted she'd made overtoors to him that had beenrejected. 

But I tried to turn her mind 'round by showin' her a letter I'd jest gotfrom Maggie, my son, Thomas Jefferson's wife, tellin' me that her sisterMolly, who had been visitin' a college friend in the South, had comehome much sooner than she had been expected and seemed run down and mostsick. 

But she wuz bound to go to the Fair and they thought it wouldn't hurther to go, as there didn't seem to be anything serious the matter withher only she seemed melancholy and out of sperits, it seemed to be hermind that wuz ailin' more than her body. And would I if there wuz roomin my boardin' place take her in and mother her a little. Maggiecouldn't come herself, she wuzn't feelin' strong enough, and Thomas J. Won't leave her, specially if anything ails her, no indeed! he jestworships her, and visey versey she him. 

I can't deny my first thought on readin' the letter wuz, another strawto be laid on the back of the camel, meanin' myself in metafor. But mysecond thought wuz I should be glad to have her come, for she is alovely girl and I set store by her. She's been away to school andcollege for years, but I had often seen her durin' her vacations atThomas Jefferson's. 

Maggie had showed her letters to me that she had writ whilst she wuzaway South on this visit to her friend. One young man's name run through'em like the theme to a great melody, and then all to once stopped, andthough Maggie and I hadn't passed a word on the subject I mistrustedmore than Maggie mistrusted I did about the cause of Molly bein' sodeprested. 

Young folks will be young folks! young blood can't run slow and stiddy, and how young hearts can ache, ache. The tide that youth sails out on isa restless one, it has its passionate tides, lit by glowing sunshine, and anon by the glare of the tempest. It flows ever and anon smooth, andthen agin rough rocks of disappointment checks its swift glad flow, andwhat it calls despair, but which dwindles down into nothin' more thanregret time and agin. It has its low tides, full of the sobbin' ofwaters that are flowin' back to the depths, and everything seems lostand gone. But anon the tide flows back again and so it goes on, stormand dull calm, sunshine and tempest, and they don't know which is thehardest to endure. That's why youth is so beautiful, so glorious, sotragic. 

How I wished I could take Molly (for I loved her) and lift her clearover the breakers into the calm of the deeper, smoother waters that thehome going boat finds when it is nearing the nightfall. The calm waterslit by a light, soft and stiddy but sort o' sad like, not like thedancin' sunlight of the mornin', oh no! when the tired mariner looksback over the voyage and gits ready to cast anchor in the Home Haven. 

But I knowed I wuz onreasonable to even wish it, for grim old Experiencemust stand at the hellum every time in everybody's life, and folkshadn't ort to expect dyin' grace to live by; Molly had got to weatherthe storm of life whether or no and I couldn't help it. But to stopeppisodin' and resoom. 

I made a practice of writin' down mornings before I started for the Fairthe places I wanted to see that day if the rest of the party consented, and I writ down that mornin' Liberal Arts, Fisheries, EducationalBuildin', Electricity, Machinery, Transportation, Horticultural andAgricultural Buildin's and etcetery. 

Josiah wanted to know what etcetery meant, and I told him any otherplace we wanted to see which he said wuz reasonable, and he thoughtprobable he should have to go to some shows on the Pike, he said he hadmet Uncle Sime Bentley the day before and they talked it over anddecided that it seemed to be their duty as solid stiddy men to go tosome of the worst shows, specially them that had pretty girls in 'em, sothey could be convinced of their iniquity and warn the youngJonesvillians. He said they would take their advice as quick agin ifthey could warn 'em from experience. 

"But Josiah, " sez I, "I wouldn't take such a distasteful, hateful jobonto me, it hain't your duty to make such a martyr of yourself, specially as you hain't well. "

But Josiah said he'd always said "He wouldn't put his hand to the plowand look back, " and he and Uncle Sime had talked it all over and agreedthey would make the sacrifice for the good of Jonesville. But I meant tobreak it up; I knowed it wuzn't his duty to nasty up his mind, hopin' todo good by it, when I could never git it cleaned up agin as clean as itwuz before. 

CHAPTER VII. 

Aunt Tryphena come in to make up our room whilst we wuz argyin' aboutit. She come earlier than common, for she said she wuz goin' herself tothe Fair that day and take Dotie, who hadn't been at all. I told her itwould be a job to take care of a child in that big crowd. 

But she said, "I'd rather take care of Miss Dotie than to eat any time. And as for the crowd it wuz nothin' to crowds she'd been in when shelived in Paris with Miss Louise and Prince Arthur. She had took him whenhe wuz a little boy to the Boy Bolony and the Champin Eliza when therewuz millions of folks there. " She wuz always talking of Prince Arthur, which I fancied wuz a pet name for a child, and still given to the youngman she wuz constantly talkin' about through her pride and love for him. 

Aunt Tryphena wuz from slave parentage, but she had always lived inwhite families since a child, so she had little of the peculiar dialectof her race. But she wuz black as the Founder of Evil himself, tall andthin with a mighty head of wool white as snow, which she covered with ayellow turban about her work. She had abnormal powers of falsehood, notfor profit or to make trouble, but jest simple lying for lie's sake. Themost incredible stories she would string off, and nothing pleased Billymore than to git her to goin', as he called it. 

He would call our attention silently and reach behind her when she wuzabout her work and turn an imaginary crank in her back, and then in thesame pantomime would jump back as if in fear of the fatal power he'dinvoked, but would wickedly delight in the endless stream of talk letforth, occasionally asking a few questions, enough to keep her going. She would lean on top of her broom and tell of her former adventuresthrilling enough and lengthy enough to fill a dozen lives. Buteverything had happened to her personally, very few noted people but shehad seen and been on intimate terms with, very few far distant countriesbut what she had visited, "Santered through, " as she termed it. 

In a fine disregard for geography she would tell of stepping fromChicago over to the Phillippines, and so on to London and then toEurope. She detailed many adventures in Paris and described places thatmade us think that she had some time lived there. She said she wentthere with Miss Louise and her son, Prince Arthur, when he wuz little, as his nurse. And she described him as having all the virtues of his sexwith none of its frailties. She said she had his picture which she wouldshow us some day. She described his mother as a "proud piece, " almostputting her down on a level with "poor white trash, " which wuz thedeepest depth her plummet of contumely could reach. And she describedher as holding her son by her apron string, as she termed it. 

She said he had been home this summer on bizness down South and had cometo see her, which Billy said wuz true, a very handsome and elegant younggentleman having called twice to see his old nurse during the spring andsummer. 

She said he come to see her on his arrival at St. Louis on some biznessconnected with the Fair, and then he santered off to Saratoga for a fewweeks, and then on to ole Virginny and New Zealand, and then back to St. Louis to attend to his bizness agin about the Fair. She said he wuz paleand sad the last time she see him, and she mistrusted his ma had beencuttin' up. She sez:

"You know she _lacks_. " That wuz Aunt Tryphena's greatest condemnationto say folks lacked. She never told what they lacked, but left it to theimagination of the hearer; from her expression you would imagine theylacked all the cardinal virtues and them that wuzn't cardinal. She saidhis ma wuz sick and kep' the Prince right under her feet, and he'd goneback now to be with her leaving St. Louis only a week or so before wecome. 

Bein' asked why she left Miss Louise she wuz more reticent, onlyremarking that after Prince Arthur went to college she wanted a change, so she had strolled over to South America, and from there to Asia and soon to Chicago where she wuz hired as nurse to Miss Dotie, and when herma died and the child wuz taken by its great-aunt, Miss Huff, she hadbeen willing to help the latter through the Exposition, for she wuz anice woman and didn't lack. 

But we could see that her real reason wuz to be with the child--faithfulcreeter she wuz, though queer, queer as they make. And to see the littlecreature's white snow and rose face resting lovingly and confidinglyaginst the black cheeks, you knew that Aunt Tryphena had good in her. Little children are good detectives, like the sun that photographshidden virtues and failings in the human face, so a child's intuitionbrought from the heaven they have so lately left, takes the bestimpressions of a person's real character. Children and animals live sonear Nature's heart they can detect real diamonds from the false, nopaste glitter can deceive 'em. Aunt Pheeny had qualities, or Dotiewouldn't have loved her so well, and I felt it a great compliment thatshe seemed to like me. 

Well, as observed heretofore we had took a hefty job that day, and weproceeded first to the Educational Buildin'. It wuz a noble lookin'structure with a row of snowy pillows all 'round it; a good many thinkit is the handsomest buildin' on the Fair ground, and as I said toJosiah, it ort to be considerin' the greatness and importance of thework it displays, for our free schools, our educational advantages, arethe pride and glory of our country. 

"Yes, Samantha, " sez he, "I hearn a man say yesterday education wuz thevery bull work of our country, meanin' you know, Samantha, it wuz strongas a bull. "

"Oh, you hain't got it jest right, Josiah, bulwark don't mean jest that, but you've got the sperit of it, " I hastened to say, for he don't loveto be corrected. 

And here in this buildin' we see everything relating to schools fromkindergarten to university, training schools, where children wuz towork, schools for the blind, deaf and dumb in operation; the work oflabratories going on before you; departments in drawing, music, agricultural colleges; experiment stations, forestry, engineeringschools and institutions, libraries, museums, education of the Indianand negro, evening industrial schools, business and commercial schools, people's institutes, and every way and manner of mind training. Photograph, charts, maps, and not only all our own educational exhibits, but England, France, Germany, Russia, China, and in short all theforeign countries. 

We stayed a good while there and I would have loved to stay longer, butJosiah got worrisome and wanted to go on to Electricity Buildin' whichwuz next in our programmy. And here I took more solid comfort than inany place I'd been, beholdin' the marvelous works wrought by thegreatest discovery of the ages. That wonderful Force that has power toovercome space, save or slay. It is intelligent, can talk over the oceanand under it, talk with wires, and if a wire hain't handy it will take abeam of light and talk on that, and it can git along without either one, for here is the biggest wireless telegraph station ever built; visitorscan talk on it from city and city, jest throwin' their words out intothe air and this onseen agency carries 'em along to the one sent to andnobody else--wonderful hain't it? Wonderful to meditate on the greatonseen forces all about us, mysterious viewless shapes, nigh to us, helpin' us, journeyin' on errents of mercy to and fro on paths we can'tsee, leadin' up and down from star to star from heaven to earth mebby. 

And curious, hain't it, that the noble and ardent discoverers who havetried to git friendly with them Great Forces and introduce 'em to theworld have been called ignorant and pagan, when if these scoffers knowedit there is no paganism or ignorance to be compared to that of bigotryand intolerance. 

And we see there dynamos of all kinds, motors, storage batteries, allsorts of power machines. Electric railway equipments of every kind, telephone stations for talking with wires and without 'em, all kinds ofelectric lighting, arc lamps, electro-chemical displays. And in oneplace they show the way Niagara wuz made to yield up her resistlesspower to work for mankind. Labratories for all sorts of electricalexhibits and research work. Electricity purifying water, making it safeto drink, wuz one of its best exhibits. 

There wuz everything there it wuz possible to show in electricity andmagnetism, not only in our own country, but the work and discoveries ofall the foreign countries in this most interestin' of fields. 

There is another wireless telegraph and telephone station in the ModelCity that we visited another time. You walk into this room and you don'thear anything more than the ordinary noise the big crowd makes passin'to and fro. And the air about you don't seem any different from jestplain Jonesville air. Your human eyes and ears can't discover anydifference. 

But you jest take up a receiver and put it to your ear and lo, andbehold the atmosphere all about you is full of voices, near and fur off, strains of music. It's a sight. 

And I sez to Josiah, "Who knows but some happy soul some happy day maydiscover the secret of _seeing_? Who knows what divine visitors are thisminute coming and going over these onseen routes connecting our soulswith distant ones, connecting one land to another, one planet to anotherlike as not. "

And growin' some eloquent, I kep' on, "We don't hear the sound of theirfootsteps lighter and more noiseless than the down of a blossom, shod asthey are with the softness of silence. We don't hear the rustle of theirgarments, woven of frabic [sic] lighter than air. We can't see theirtender faces no more than we can see the sweet breath of the rose. Ifthey lay their tender hands on our foreheads they rest there so lightand tender we fancy it is only a breath of air touchin' our feveredbrows bringing a sudden rest and comfort. 

"If they speak to us when we're tired out and heartbroken we hear theirvoices only in our souls that are suddenly and strangely consoled. Iftheir eyes ever look into our eyes filled with the divine pity andsweetness of their all comprehendin' love and sympathy, we only know itby the sudden sunshiny light and warmth that fills our being. Butsometime, somewhere, some happy soul may see and comprehend what we nowfaintly apprehend. "

Josiah whispered, "Samantha Allen, do you realize what you're doin'?You're attractin' attention and makin' talk, come along! this is no timefor eppisodin', if there ever _is_ a right time. "

And bein' brung down to earth agin I found to my great surprise I wuzsayin' this out loud entirely unbeknown to myself. And I follered mypardner out of the buildin'. 

But to resoom backwards. We thought we would go from the Palace ofElectricity to that of Transportation, and I feelin' real tired thoughtI would take a chair a spell (eloquence is tuckerin' specially whenyou're walkin' afoot), and I proposed that we should all take chairs fora spell. But Josiah said he didn't want any chair, and Blandina ofcourse follered suit and said she felt jest like Uncle Josiah, shewouldn't set down if she could. 

But I sez, "Well, I think I will take one, " and Josiah rutheronwillin'ly said he would git one for me, and sez he, "I'll see how muchthe man will throw off if I push the chair myself. "

Sez I, "The man wouldn't trust a perfect stranger with a chair. "

Then Josiah wondered if he couldn't borry the loan of a wheelbarru thatwould hold me up. He could trundle me along as well as not. 

Sez I, "I shall not enter the Palace of Transportation, Josiah Allen, ina wheelbarrow. "

"Well, I could probable git in Machinery Hall a pair of big castors andfix 'em onto your shoes, and Blandina and I could push you 'round like aburo. What do you think of that?" sez he anxiously. 

"I shall not enter into any such operation!" sez I. "How it would look!"

"I d'no as it would look so dretful, you standin' up straight and easy, and Blandina and I pushin' you along, and 'tennyrate I guess it wouldlook as well as bein' throwed onto the town! chairs cost like the oldHarry. "

Sez I, "Don't worry, I shall pay with my own butter money. " And so Idid, and rid to Transportation Buildin' with Josiah and Blandina walkin'by my side. We entered one of its sixty doors, and the first thing wesot our eyes on up in plain sight, but fur ahead wuz the wheels of agreat locomotive weighin' more than two hundred thousand pounds, revolvin' 'round in dizzy speed. They said it went by compressed air, another wonder, jest common air that you could dip up in your hand andnot think you had anything in it, and yet if managed right had powerenough to turn all the machinery we see goin'. Around this monsterengine wuz electric head-lights throwin' dazzlin' beams in everydirection. The hull thing well named, the Spirit of the TwentiethCentury. And all 'round it wuz grouped models showing the development ofthe inventor's dream from the first rough effort at an engine up to themost perfect specimen of to-day. All sorts of electrical railways, freight and work cars, tracks, switches, signals, carriages, ortomobiles, motor vehicles, naval architecture, models, boats, steamships, men-of-war, battleships of the line. 

Exhibits of all sorts, illustrating inland transportation in India, France, Germany, Switzerland, Spain and every other foreign country. Youcould see to once that there wuz ways enough to travel, and if youstayed to home it wuz your own fault. 

Well, we went from there to Machinery Buildin', that bein' writ downnext on my pad. But as we walked along, I considerable riz up in mymind, owin' to what I'd seen, who should we come acrost but the widderWhisher of Loontown, a woman we knew well. She wuz settin' on a benchcryin' as if her heart would break, and I sez:

"Why, sister Whisher, what is the matter?" (She wuz sister in themeetin' house. )

She had a paper in her hand and held it out to us, "Jest see that! Ifound it in the pocket of my innocent boy!" pintin' to a coat layin' byher. 

"Why, " sez I, "that paper is took more than any other almost; I like itmyself first-rate, its editorials are the brightest and smartest you'llfind anywhere. "

"Oh, but it is so sensational! so vulgar, so demoralizin' to the tenderand innocent heart of youth. And to think that my spotless child that Ihave guarded so sedgously from every breath of evil should have itconcealed in his pocket. I have always burnt every copy I've found. " Andagin she sobbed, and agin I sez:

"Sister Whisher, don't take it so to heart; he'll have to weather worststorms than this on the sea of life. And you can't expect to be with himalways and stand to the hellum. "

"Oh, but Reginald Heber is so innocent, so pure-hearted; almost anangel, " sez she, "I have been so afraid that he wuz too perfect for thissinful world!" And her tears flowed afresh. 

Well, I see I couldn't plug up this flowin' fountain of tears withsympathy or reason, so we mogged along. Widder Whisher wuz always kindersoft and she'd made a perfect idol of Reginald, who wuzn't any betterthan common children so fur as I could see. 

And after goin' a few steps, Josiah and I in advance, Blandina a littlein our rears, who should we see comin' directly towards us but ReginaldHeber himself. He evidently didn't notice who we wuz, but wuz merelytakin' note of a new victim, for after takin' fair aim at my stomach hebent his head down and went, "Choo, choo!--choo, choo!" like a engineand run towards me at full speed, and bunted his round shingled headright into my stomach with almost the force of an arrer shot out of acatamount, yellin' all the while like a demon. 

"Git out of the way, you old four-eyed devil you!"

Makin' light of my spectacles, I spoze, though truly I wuz too weak toreason. After doublin' me up in agony he sought safety in flight. But myindignant pardner ketched him by his little short-tailed coat anddragged him back to his ma, hollerin' at her:

"I'll give you a specimen of your innocent boy! He's jest the kind of aninnocent angel I'd love to take a hemlock shingle to, and would, if itwuzn't for makin' talk. " And he told the hull thing before I couldinterfere. 

She wept afresh, but sez she, lookin' at the whimperin' and strugglin'Reginald H. , "How soon the demoralizin' effects of that paper shows----"

But Josiah continued on in that same loud axent, his liniment red asblood with anger, "If I had your darling to deal with a spell, therewould be a change in him, or a funeral appinted, and the body would beready at the time sot, I can tell you that!"

Josiah wuz fearful excited and by the side of himself. Such voylentlanguage is almost a perfect stranger to him, but he feared for mybones. But I found after walkin' 'round a spell that they wuz intact, but the pain in my stomach hung about me all day, and that night, nomatter how high my standin' wuz in the W. C. T. U. , I had to take apeppermint sling. 

But to resoom backward. Machinery Buildin' wuz an immense beautifulpalace. And when I tell you its contents are valued at eight millionsyou won't expect me to disscribe the hull on 'em, no, it hain'treasonable. When we entered we see the first thing a engine of overfifty thousand horse-power. 

Now, jest think on't, a one horse-power hain't to be despised. Why, I'vethought our old mair power when she wuz hitched onto a bob sled wuzpowerful. But jest think of fifty thousand horse-power. Why, if they wuzhitched in front of each other with lines about the usual length, theline would reach more than a hundred miles. Why, the very idee isstaggerin' to the intellect. 

But, there it was right there before our eyes grindin' out power to runthis monster Exposition, and not complainin' or needin' the whip as thefifty thousand horses would, only jest knucklin' down stiddy to thework, groanin' considerable loud, and who blames it. And you could seeeverything in the line of engines from the little half horse-power gasengine, about half the mair's strength, about cow power, mebby, and fromthis up to a steam turbin of eight thousand horse-power, a rotary steamengine. And in the Belgian exhibit wuz a gas engine of three thousandhorse-power, a common sized horse can be driv through its cylinders, ittakes about thirty tons of coal a day to run it. And there wuz a bigFrench steam engine turnin' three hundred and thirty times a minute. Andthere wuz a great hydraulic press from Germany that exerts the terrificpressure of ninety thousand pounds to the square inch--what would it beto the yard? My brain hain't powerful enough to tackle the idee. 

Well, there wuz every kind of machinery in the world from all theforeign countries as well as ours, and the methods of making and runningthem. And we stayed there till my head seemed to turn 'round and 'round, and I told my pardner I must git out into the open air or I should beginto turn 'round and revolve in spite of me. I spoze I did look bad, andJosiah said we would go and have lunch. He said there wuz a caff right'round the corner, as he pronounced cafe it sounded like a young cow. But the idee wuz good, and after we eat quite a good meal and rested alittle we started to tackle Agricultural Buildin' which wuz writ next onmy pad. 

It wuz quite a journey there, in fact, as I've said before, you have towalk a long distance to git anywhere, but jest before we got there wesee sunthin' that made us forgit for the moment our achin' limbs. On theside of a slopin' hill at the bottom of the long flight of stairs, thatlead up to the north entrance of Agricultural Hall is the most wonderfulclock that wuz ever seen on this globe, and I don't believe they've gotanything to beat it in Mars or Saturn. 

I can't give you much idee of it by writin', nobody can, but I canprobably describe it so you can see it goes ahead of your own clock onthe kitchen wall or mantelry piece. To begin with how long do you spozethe minute hand is? The minute hand on our clock is about three incheslong, and the minute hand to this is fifty feet long, and its face isabout three hundred feet 'round and all made of the most beautifulposies. 

Why, the figures that mark the hours are fifteen feet long, most threetimes as long as my pardner, if he lay flat as a pan-cake to be measuredby a pole, jest think of that and these figgers are all made of brightcolored foliage plants. The ornaments 'round the face of the clock is aborder of twenty-five different plants, each one fifteen feet wide. Somedifferent from the ornamental wreath 'round our clock face, that hain'tmore'n half an inch wide, if it is that. Our clock has a pictureunderneath of old Time with his scythe a mowin' down the hours andminutes as his nater his. And I told Josiah how beautiful and symbolicalit wuz to think old Time had laid down his scythe for a spell, and wuzmeasurin' off the hours here in this Fairy Land with beautiful posies. 

And Josiah said, "The hours ort to be marked here with canes andcrutches, " he said his legs ached like the toothache. 

The distances are awful and I couldn't deny it, and you do git tuckeredout, but then, as I told Josiah, jest think what you're tuckered for. 

And he said, "When you're as dead as a door-nail he didn't know whatgood some steeples and flags wuz goin' to do you, or floral clocks. " Imistrusted he'd walked too fur lately, and had strained the cords of hislegs, and his patience too much, though the last-named wuz easy hurt andalways wuz. 

But Josiah took out his watch and looked at it and said he'd promised tomeet a man on important bizness, and he'd meet us at a certain spot inAgricultural Hall in jest one hour. 

I asked him what bizness it wuz, and he hesitated a little and said ashe hurried away that it wuz "Bizness connected with the meetin' house, "and I asked him "What meetin' house?" and he didn't answer me, he wuzwalkin' off so fast--_mebby_ he didn't hear me. 

Well, Blandina and I stayed lookin' at this wonderful clock for sometime, and she said that the man that invented this clock wuz a powerfulgenius and how she did wish she could meet him. She said such a manneeded a kind and lovin' companion to take every care offen him and pethim and make of him. 

The machinery of this clock, what makes it go, is up above a little wayson the hill in a small pavilion. There are glass doors, and you can lookin and see the works of the clock. A great bell there strikes off thehours and quarter hours, and there is a big hour-glass there too. Onethousand electric lights light it up at night so folks can see day ornight jest how time is passin' away. 

Agricultural Building is the largest on the ground. The two palaces ofAgriculture and Horticulture stand up on a beautiful hill surrounded byorchards, gardens, vineyards, shrubs, vines of all sorts. This outsideexhibit covers fifty acres. There are beautiful lakes full of the rarestaquatic plants, from the great Egyptian lotus, whose leaves are largeand strong enough to hold up a good-sized child, and all kinds ofsmaller plants, but jest as beautiful; indeed, there is everything rareand lovely in that display that ever grew in water or on land, and theymake it one of the most beautiful places of the hull Exposition. 

The enormous display outside and inside covers seventy acres, and everyinch on 'em beautiful and instructive. The twenty acres covered byAgricultural Hall contains everything relating to the soil and itscultivation, everything that Mother Earth gives to man, all the tools, implements of every kind used in agriculture, ploughs, reapers, mowers, threshers, etc. , run by horse-power, steam or electricity. 

Among the ploughs we see a small old-fashioned one made of wood, used byDaniel Webster when he wuz a poor farmer boy. Workin' hard at his humblework but his boyish mind, most probable, sot on sunthin' fur above, lookin' at the hard soil ahead on him that he must break up, with themwonderful, sad, eloquent eyes of hisen, and seein' visions, no doubt, and dreamin' dreams. Callin' out to his oxen or horses, "gee, " or "whoa"as the case might be, and they not sensin' the fact that this voice wuzgoin' to give utterance to silver-tongued, heart thrillin' eloquence inthe highest places of Europe and his native land. 

As I looked at it pensively I pictured the tired boy holdin' the onhandyhandles of the plow and trudgin' along behind his team through the longsultry days, and thought to myself, what hopes and dreams and ambitionswuz turned over by that old plow as well as green-sward. 

Right by that little plow wuz a big powerful one that went byelectricity. A sight that would probable looked as strange to Daniel, could it have appeared to him then, as any of his wildest day-dreamsmaterilized. 

And there wuz all the methods of irrigation, draining, engines, wind-mills, pumps, farm wagons, all kinds of fruit, sugar canes, vegetable sugar, candy stores, confectionery displays, vegetables of allkinds that wuz ever hearn on, some on 'em of such monster size that younever dremp on 'em, unless it wuz in a night-mair. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Well, the time had arrived when we promised to meet Josiah at theappinted rondevoo. Indeed Blandina, went a little ahead of time, for assecond chaperone she said it might be he would get there a little early, and bein' naturally high-sperited he might get impatient, and she saidmen ort to be guarded from anything that would wear on their tempers, jest as much as possible. 

So I looked 'round a little more, and when I got to the place appinted, there sot Blandina readin' extracts from "The Noble Achievements of Men"in a paper cover, which she carried 'round in her pocket. But no Josiahwuz there. 

Minutes passed; my happiness and peace of mind passin' off faster thanthe minute hand, and no Josiah. A quarter of a hour passed, and still nosign of that dear man. And when half an hour had gone by I busted intotears, and Blandina I could see wuz torn with anxiety and offered to goout into the streets of St. Louis and hunt for him. She mistrusted hehad wandered off the Fair ground, and that clever creeter wuz willin' toleave all the allurements that wuz allurin' her here to hunt for him. 

I sez, "I don't believe he is there. But, oh, where shall we find him?and what state will he be in when found!" Knowin' the past as we did, wefeared for the worst. But jest then Billy Huff happened to pass by andstopped and asked what wuz the matter. 

"Oh!" sez I, with the tears runnin' down my cheeks in copious astorrents, "my pardner is lost!"

"Where did you lose him?" sez he. 

I told him how it wuz and he sez, "I'll bet I can find him for you; Iremember his talkin' last night about a certain place. "

[Illustration]

Sez I in tearful axents, "Oh, do! do try, and ease the heart of adistracted companion. "

But when he mentioned the place he thought he wuz I repelled theinsinuation with scorn. It wuz one of the most hilarious and vain placesof revelry at the Fair, where there wuz lots of bally girls andetcetery, and I sez:

"No, indeed! He may have gone into some meetin' house and wandered upinto the steeple onbeknown to him, or some educational exhibit, or Biblerooms, but never, never in that place. "

But yieldin' to his arguments I consented to go with him sayin' we wouldstay at the door while he reconoitered. But jest as we got to the doorwho should we see comin' out radiant and smilin' but Josiah Allen andUncle Sime Bentley. 

Billy sez, "What did I tell you?"

I couldn't frame a reply, I had no frame that fitted the remark, but asBilly disappeared to once it didn't matter. When Josiah ketched my eyeand the look it wore, the blush of shame mantiled his cheek--or wuz itremorse?--I couldn't tell, they look some alike. 

And he sez, "We went in, Samantha, to look for a missin' man, and mycorn ached like furiation jest as we wuz passin' the door, and Icouldn't seem to walk another step, and it looked some like rain and Iknew you wouldn't want me to spile my new coat----"

And Uncle Sime chimed in, "We wuz took faint both on us jest as we gotto the door and had to set down, and I mistrusted I should find cousinZekiel there, " and then happenin' to remember, both at the same time, they begun to say how they went for the good of the meetin' house. 

Sez I in frigid axents, "Say no more!" And I turned onto my heel andwalked coldly away. 

But Blandina whispered to me, "Oh, be merciful, Aunt Samantha, men havesuch powerful intellects, that Shows that would almost ruin a woman, don't affect them hardly any. Speak tenderly to him, " sez she, "and Imyself will gently accost Mr. Bentley. "

So she stepped back to his side and Josiah advanced and walked by mestill pourin' out excuses. Why he gin enough reasons to excuse aregiment let alone one small deacon. 

But Blandina seemed to lose her efforts, for Uncle Sime talked realgrouty to her, he has never had a idee of marryin' anybody since hiswife died and he mistrusts wimmen are runnin' after him. You know malewidowers do git that idee into their heads, them that are as humbly asTime in the Primer, and a onmarried woman can't ask 'em about theweather, or sheep, or anything but what they mistrust some hiddenwarmth, and pride themselves on how attractive they be. It's a sight. 

As nigh as I could find out the minute Josiah Allen left me he took therailway and hurried to the wicked place where he and Uncle Sime wuz tomeet, expectin' to git back in ample time to meet us. But they wuz sotook up with the show they dallied, and so retribution and a indignantpardner overtook 'em. Well, we took the Intremoral railway and went backto finish Agricultural Hall, for that bein' writ on my pad I wanted tocomplete it so fur as we could, of course it would took months to dojustice to it. 

We got there in a few minutes, and Josiah, as might be expected, wantedto see the food exhibits, so we went where there wuz all kinds of foodmade of vegetable products, all kind of grain, flour mills where youcould see wheat go in one end and bread come out the other, bakeries, kitchens, tea and coffee pavilions and every sort of animal foodproducts, milk and cream in every form, fresh and preserved cheese andbutter dairies, all sorts of dairy tools, churns, separators, cheesepresses and vats, everything connected with makin' butter and cheese, transporting and distributing. Starch factories, broom factories, marketgardening in all branches. 

Grasses, all sorts of fodder for cattle, raised in every country of theworld, and the best methods of raising. Everything relating to poultry, artificial hatching and raising. Every kind of crop raised in everycountry of the world and the best methods of raising and handling them. As in cotton, you can see it from the tiny seed clear to the cottonmill, so in corn, you see everything that is manufactured from it andhow it is done--meal, breakfast foods, starch, bread, pastry, bakingpowders, yeast, from a kernel of corn up to mills and manufactories. Andso it wuz in everything raised in our own country and all over theworld. 

And there wuz a display of insects, bees and everything relating tohoney and wax. Silk worms and their work and products, cochineal and allkinds of useful insects and their work, and hurtful insects and methodsof destroying them, and so on and so on and so on. I couldn't tell all Isee if I should try a week, and what we see wuzn't a drop to a fountain. The immense buildin' is divided off into streets and blocks jest like acity, and you might roam through them streets a month and find sunthin'new and interestin' every day and hour. 

Well, from there we went to Horticultural Hall, or we had started forthere when Josiah made a observation about the size of a potato he hadseen in Agricultural Hall, that I had to in the cause of Truth and Dutyobject to, the size he mentioned was a twelve-quart pail, and I said:

"Josiah, take off a few quarts from that pail. For the good of your soultake off two quarts anyway. "

"Not a quart!" sez he, "nor a spunful. "

Well, we had words about it, Blandina as usual siding with her uncle, and it ended with their goin' back with a string, which Josiah producedfrom his pocket to measure it, I offering to stay by a certain statutetill they got back. And as I stood there lookin' at the stiddy passin'crowd and philosophizin' on it as my nater is, I wuz accosted by astrange lookin' man, as I took it to be (I say It for reasons namedhereafter). 

"Josiah Allen's wife, I am happy to meet you; I knew you at once thoughit is so long since we met. " In the meantime it had gripped holt of myhand with fervor. 

I drawed back and sez, "Sir!" (I thought it favored that gender most)"Sir, I think you are mistook. "

"Oh, no, you are Josiah Allen's wife; I am Dr. Mary Walker. "

"Oh!" sez I in a relieved axent, as I returned the warm grasp of herhand, "I am glad to meet you, Mary. "

She's done some good things in her life, takin' care of poor woundedsoldiers, etc. , and I honored her for 'em. Though I don't approve of hercostoom, as I told her in the conversation that ensued, after we'dtalked considerable about the Fair and kindred matters. For I see as westood there behavin' ourselves, curious eyes wuz bent on her andonbecomin' epithets hurled at her by them who knowed no better. Sheseemed oblivious to 'em, but I asked her if she wouldn't rather wearless noticeable attire. 

And she said she cared not for ribald remarks as long as her motives wuzpure. 

And I said we could carry pure motives under a headdress of peacock'sfeathers standin' up straight over our foreheads, but wouldn't it bebetter to carry 'em under a bunnet?

"No better!" sez she. "Not a whit. "

"Well, easier?" sez I. "Wouldn't it be easier for ourselves andbystanders?"

Sez she, "I care not for Public Opinion!"

"But, " sez I, "as long as we've got to live clost neighbor to PublicOpinion wouldn't it be easier for us to fall in with his idees a littleon comparatively unimportant things than to keep him riled up all thetime? It seems to me that if folks want to impress their personality onthe world it is better to do it by noble deeds and words than bystartlin' costooms. "

Sez she, "My dress is fur more comfortable than the ordinary dress offemales. "

Sez I reasonably, "Short dresses are a boon and a blessin', but in myopinion they can be short enough for comfort and still not infringe onman's chosen raiment. And as for pantaloons, men are welcome to 'em sofur as I'm concerned, and also tall hats, they hain't nothin' I hankerfor either on 'em. "

Sez she, "We have a right to wear any clothes we see fit. "

Sez I, "We have a right to plow green sword, shingle a steep barn ruff, or break a yoke of steers. But the question is, will it pay in comfortor economy to do this? As for me, I'd ruther be in the house in acomfortable dress and clean apron, cookin' a good dinner for Josiah, orsettin' down knittin' his socks whilst he duz the harder work he is bynater and education fitted for. But everybody to their own mind. And sofur as I am concerned I'd ruther attract attention by doin' sunthin'worth while, sunthin' really noble and good, than by tyin' a red raground my fore-top. But as I say, folks are different, and I am fur fromsayin' that my way is the only right way. "

Mary kinder waived off some of my idees and went on and spoke of herwork on the battlefield and how necessary her dress wuz in such a place. 

And I sez, "Mary, I've always honored you for your noble work there. ButI believe I could lift up the head of a dyin' man easier in a loosegingham dress and straw bunnet tied on, than I could in your tightpantaloons and high hat, but howsumever the main thing is that the manis lifted, and he doubtless wouldn't quarrel about the costoom of hispreserver. The main thing in this world, Mary, is the work we do, theliftin', or tryin' to lift; the day's work we do in the harvest field ofEndeavor. And I spoze a few trousers more or less hain't goin' to countwhen we carry in our sheaves. Though I must say to the last, MaryWalker, I could carry 'em easier in my dress than I could in yourn. "

[Illustration]

In the heat of our good-natered conversation Mary had slipped her handthrough my arm and neither of us noticed it, so wropped up wuz we in thetopics under discussion, when I hearn Blandina's voice behind me sayin', "Oh, what a noble lookin' man Aunt Samantha is talkin' to and howaffectionate actin'; how sweet it will be to meet him. " And then I hearna sharp raspin' voice clost to me sayin':

"Sir, I will thank you to onhand my wife!"

I wouldn't hardly have knowed my pardner's voice, such burnin' angershowed in it and wuz depictered on his liniment as I turned round andfaced him. And he went on:

"Samantha, have I lived with you most a century to be deceived in younow?"

His turrible emotions had onhinged his reasonin' faculties, we hain'tlived together so long as that, but I didn't dane to argy, I only sezwith calm dignity:

"Miss Walker, this is my pardner, Josiah Allen. "

"_Miss_!" sez he in a overbearin' axent, "_Miss_ Walker!" He looked asif he thought it wuz a conspiracy hatched up between us to deceive him. 

"Yes, " sez I coolly, "Miss Walker, Dr. Mary Walker. "

"Oh!" sez Josiah, in his surprise and relief not offerin' to bow orshake hands or nothin'. "Dear Samantha, I've hearn on her. " And heturned and linked his hand in my other arm so for a minute we lookedlike three twins perambulatin' along. In the meantime I introducedBlandina, who looked bewildered and disappointed. 

But Dr. Mary Walker remembered a engagement, and to my relief took leaveon us. And I said a few words to Josiah on the danger and cruelty to meof his hasty opinion and suspicion and in the cause of Duty I mentionedthe late eppisode of himself and Uncle Sime, and he seemed mortified andapologetic for as many as three minutes. But it didn't last, it neverduz with his sect. And we went on to Horticultural Hall, Josiah on theway reluctantly showin' me the string he had measured the potato with. He had to take off several quarts offen that pail, jest as I told him hewould, and it made him fraxious. 

But he lost his shagrin on the way, it wuz buried under the acres ofposies and beautiful shrubs and trees through which we wuz passin'. Every rare posy you ever hearn on wuz there and them you never dremp on, and trees, some beautiful and familiar, and them with strange andbeautiful foliage. Little lakes, where gold and silver fish played anddotted over with the rarest and loveliest water plants and blossoms, shrubs runnin' over with bloom, why, there wuz acres of jest rosies. Andin the middle of a six-acre rose garden stood a handsome statute of oneof my own sect, Flora by name, jest lookin' down as if she owned thehull on't, and wuz proud and happy to be there, as well shemight--she'll never git into such a delightful spot agin, I don'tbelieve. 

And there wuz pleasant walks windin' round every which way and once inawhile a big tree shadin' a cozy nook where you could sit down and enjoythe beauty and perfume. It wuz good to be there, and it seemed as if thehull world had the same mind about comin' and wuz all there walkin'about or else settin' down enjoyin' themselves. 

Horticultural Buildin' is big enough and full enough to keep folks busya month. Right in the centre, in a place as long as from our house clearover to she that wuz Submit Tewksbury's and I d'no but furder, wuz adisplay of fruit, all kinds of fruit of every shape and size that growin every climate from frigid to torrid, and every country from Greenlandto Asia, it wuz a sight. Then there wuz a display of every kind ofhorticultural machinery and implements, glass housen, aquariums, ferneries, all sorts of ornaments for gardens. 

All kinds of small fruits and how to grow 'em, everything relating tothe culture of vines, vineyards, wine cellars. All sorts of ornamentalplants and flowers, models of fruit in wax and plaster, baskets andbunches of flowers, conservatories, all flowering plants from everycountry and the way to grow them. All sorts of seeds, grass, fruit treesof all kinds, and the best way to prune and plant them. 

Josiah told me he thought we could git round and see what wuz in thisbuildin' in four weeks, but I felt dubersome about it and told him wewould have to go a pretty good jog if we did. Blandina thought she couldgit round in three weeks if she had some good man's arm to lean on themost of the time. 

But 'tennyrate, after stayin' there and lookin' round a long time, Itold Josiah I wuz tired enough to go home, so we went. 

I wuz most melted too, for St. Louis weather is tuckering to them thatcan't stand heat. It made Josiah real worrisome time and agin. And onething he said about it put a idee into my head that I never had thoughton, I thought it wuz real smart. 

Somebody wuz lamentin' the fact in our hearin' that so many thieves andvillains of all sorts had congregated at St. Louis this summer, andJosiah sez:

"It's a first rate thing for sinners to come here to git acclimated, asit were, before they die. "

I hadn't thought on't, but felt there wuz sunthin' in it, for truly theburnin' climate of the place I don't want to speak on by name, must beeasier to bear after visitin' St. Louis than to plunge into it fromcooler and more northern States. And still I don't know why we shouldwant to make it easier for 'em, I spoze it wuz our pityin' naters thatmade us think ont. 

The weather wuz simply burnin' hot, no other word describes it, oveny, furnacy hot! and Josiah said, and well said, it set folks to thinkin'and inclined 'em to take warnin' and mend their ways. Sez he, "Two daysof St. Louis weather wuz worth more to sinners than the sermons of amonth of winter Sundays. "

Truly in heat it wuz a great object lesson. I wore my brown lawn dressday after day, havin' no chance to wear my rich alpacky, as I wanted to, to kinder show off before Miss Huff, and Blandina presented the wiltedappearance of a long slim cabbage leaf plunged in bilin' water. 

I believe Josiah's groanin's and takin's on and mutterin's helped him tobear it better than if he had held in. Not that I told him so, no, Itold him it wuz onmanly to carry on so. But truly the heat wuz fearful, our clothin' stuck to us and prespiration and sweat run down our faces. 

The next day it wuz so hot I felt kinder mauger and stayed to home. Blandina and Miss Huff went half a day, and in the afternoon Blandinawent to a big department store in the city to git some thinnerunderwear, and I got awful skairt about her. Miss Huff gin her the mostminute directions about where it wuz and what car to take, it wuzn't agreat ways off, and she ort to got back at four o'clock anyway. 

But time run along, four struck, then five and then six, and I wuzgittin' dretful worried about her when she come in tired enough. 

Sez I, "I wuz awful worried about you, Blandina. Did you git lost?"

"No. " She said she got onto the right car and the conductor wuz adretful handsome and fascinatin' man, and she went to git off at theright street, and kinder backed off, she always duz git off that way, and the conductor thinkin' she wanted to git on, he smiled so sweet andheld out his hand to help her on so she would git on again. And thathappened over and over. She not wantin' to hurt his feelin's and slighthim by not takin' holt of his hand and climbin' on agin. Till finallyshe did show some good sense, she asked the man standin' on the platformif he would help her off, for she had been tryin' to git off for thelast five stations. So she had to take a car back, but the conductor wuzhumbly and gruff and she got along all right, but it belated her. 

Sez I, "What made you do it, Blandina?"

"Oh, " sez she, "he looked so winnin' and invitin' I didn't want to hurthis feelin's. "

Sez I, "You'll sup sorrer yet, Blandina, by your wantin' to obleegeeverybody. You ort to look out for yourself some, you're alltogether toogood to be comfortable. "

CHAPTER IX. 

Well, Josiah went that day with Billy Huff, he santered off without anysystem or plan, and wouldn't take my pad though I offered it to him. ButI guess they jest poked round miscelaneous, as you may say, seein' jestwhat they happened to run into. And in some of their travels they metBarzelia Trimble, a woman lecturer, she's young and good lookin' andsmart as a whip, and I guess she made much of Josiah, 'tennyrate she ginhim tickets to her lecture. 

She said she'd met a man whose brother-in-law's cousin had bought a dogonce of a neighbor of mine, and so feelin' so well acquainted with meshe sent me the tickets, and did hope we would come. She said she feltthat she knew us both so well that it would be a treat to her. 

The way she come to see Josiah that day, Billy had met her at schoolwhere she lectured. 

Josiah wuz very anxious that we should both go. He remembered the dog. 

But I sez, "I thought you didn't believe in wimmen's lecturin' andhavin' rights, Josiah. "

"Well, I don't believe in 'em, but the tickets wuz gin to us, fiftycents right out of her pocket, and she'll expect us. She said it wouldmake her feel more homelike to have us present. "

"Well, " sez I, "I don't know as I feel so very intimate with her, Inever see the dog, but her idees on wimmen's rights is sensible, I'veread about 'em. "

And that kinder headed Josiah off onto a new tact; we had had a dretfulgood supper, and I believe Miss Trimble had made a sight on him, Ibelieve she had flattered and pompeyed him and for the time bein' hefelt soft in sperit towards the sex. 

And 'tennyrate men's moods are like the onfathomable sea, sometimesturbulent, throwin' up stunny arguments and sandy ones, and agin flowin'calm and smooth as ile, and this wuz one of the gently swashin' ones. 

"Id'no, " sez he, "and I told her so, what wimmen want rights for, or tovote; I never wanted wimmen to vote, I told her they wuz too good, theywuz too near angels to have rights. You know I've always said so, Samantha, and I wuz readin' a piece a day or two ago, writ by one of thefirst ministers in the country, and he said that wimmen hadn't ort towant any rights; they ort to be riz up on a pedestal and I say so too. "

And I sez, "No, Josiah, I can't go into that with all the rest I have todo, and it seems onreasonable in that minister to want wimmen to climbup onto pedestals when they have to do their own housework. "

"Well, I say it hain't onreasonable. You ort to be up on one, Samantha. "

(How much Miss Trimble must have made on him. He wuz so oncommon clever, and he never wuz megum, poor creeter!) I didn't really want to git intoan argument at that time o' day, but I see he wuz on the wrong tact, andI felt I must convince him, so I sez in reasonable axents:

"I jest as lives be on a pedestal as not, I'd kinder love to if I couldset, I always did enjoy bein' riz up, if I had nothin' to do only tostay up there some time, but wimmen have to git round so much itwouldn't work. How could I take a tower histed up like the car ofJuggernaut or a Pope in a procession. I couldn't get carriers for onething, and I wouldn't give a cent to be carried round anyway with mydizzy spells, I should more'n as likely as not fall off. But that hain'tthe main reason I'm agin it, it is too tuckerin' a job for wimmen. "

"Tuckerin' to be enthroned on a pedestal with the male sect lookin' upto you and worshippin' you. You call that tuckerin'?" sez he. 

"Yes, " sez I, "I do. How under the sun can I or any other woman be up ona pedestal and do our own housework, cookin', washin' dishes, sweepin', moppin', cleanin' lamps, blackin' stoves, washin', ironin', makin' beds, quiltin' bed quilts, gittin' three meals a day, day after day, bileddinners and bag puddin's and mince pies and things, to say nothin' ofcustard and pumpkin pies that will slop over on the level, do the bestyou can; how could you keep 'em inside the crust histin' yourself up anddown? And cleanin' house time----"

"Mebby, " sez I honestly, "it would come handy in whitewashin' or fixin'the stovepipe, but where would it be in cleanin' mop-boards, or puttin'down carpets, or washin' winders, or doin' a three weeks washin', orbilin' soap? or pickin' geese? They act like fury shot up on the barnfloor. How could you git our old gander up on a pedestal? His temper isthat fiery, to say nothin' of settin' or standin' on it and holdin' onto the old thing and pickin' it. And raisin' chickens and washin' oldtrousers and overalls, and cleanin' sullers and paintin' floors andpaperin', and droudgin' round all the time, as a woman has to to keepher house comfortable. 

"And pickin' black-caps and strawberries, and churnin' big churnin's ofbutter, and pickin' wool, to say nothin' of onexpected company comin', and no girl. Let a lot of company come to stay all day the relations onyour side and the work not done, and me posin' like a statute, lookin'down on you and your sect, you'd feel like a fool and jaw, you know youwould. I presoom you'd throw your boot-jack at me and threaten to partwith me, and how mean that would be in you when I did it at yourrequest. 'Tain't anything any woman would go into if she wuz let alone. "

"And then think of the thrashers and silo fillers comin' in hungry asbears, what would they say? No dinner cookin' and I on a pedestal, whyit would be the town's talk. Or you comin' home from Jonesville on acold night fraxious as a dog and sayin' you should die off if you didn'thave supper in ten minutes. How could I git it on time perched up there?

"I say it can't be done, and it is onreasonable for men to want it, andat the same time want wimmen to do her own housework. For these men, every one on 'em, would act like fury if their house wuzn't clean andtheir clothes in order, and meals on time. And you must know it wouldjest about kill a woman to be doin' all this and histin' herself up anddown a hundred times a day, and mebby half dead with rumatiz too. Why, it would be worse for me than all the rest of my work, and you hadn'tort to ask it of me. "

Josiah looked real huffy and sez, "I hain't the only man that's wantin'it done; men have always been sot on it. There's been more'n a wagonload of poetry writ on it and you know it. Men have always said a sightabout it, I hain't alone in it, " he snapped out. 

"No, " sez I honestly, "I've hearn it before. But you see it wouldn'twork, don't you? And I believe I could convince every man if I could gitto 'em and talk it over with 'em. And I don't see where the beauty on'twould come in; of course a woman couldn't change her clothes and put onGreek drapery right in the midst of cleanin' the buttery shelves ormoppin' off the back steps. And to see a woman standin' up on a pedestalwith an old calico dress pinned up round her waist and a slat sunbunneton and her pardner's rubber boots, and her sleeves rolled up, and herface red as blood with hard work, and her hands all swelled up with hotsoap suds and lye, what beauty would there be in it? It always did seemonreasonable besides bein' so tuckerin' no woman could stand it for aday. "

He looked mad as a hen and sez he, "They could manage it if their mindswuz strong enough. "

Sez I, "It seems to me it would depend more on the strength of theirlegs, specially if the pedestal wuz a high one. I never could git uponto it at all if I should go into it without gittin' up on a chair andthen on a table. No woman no matter how strong she wuz could git morethan two meals a day under the circumstances. "

Josiah looked worried and sez, "Well, mebby there has been too much saidabout it, mebby it would be jest as well to leave pedestals tostatters. "

And I sez, "It is as well agin. Wimmen couldn't stand it with all theyhave to do. "

And so we ended by bein' real congenial in our two minds and thinkin'considerable alike, which is indeed a comfort to pardners. And we readour chapter in the Bible and had family prayers jest as we do to home. For I would not leave off all the good old habits of my life because mybody wuz moved round a little. And we had a good night's rest and sotout in good season the next mornin' for the Exposition. 

The next mornin' grandpa Huff said to the breakfast table that he didwish he had someone to read to him that day, everybody wuz goin' to theFair and he wuz goin' to be left alone. So Blandina, clever creeter thatshe is, said she would stay and read to him from his favorite volume, Foxe's Book of Martyr's, and also from Lamentations and Job. Billy saidhis grandpa wuz never happy only when he wuz perfectly miserable. Wehave all seen such folks. 

So Josiah and I sot off alone, and he bein' in good sperits and bein'gin to new and strange projects, proposed that we should take anortomobile. I didn't favor the idee and said:

"Id'no about it, Josiah, I feel kinder skairful about ortos, I fear thatit might prove our last ride. "

"But, " sez he, "with a good shuffler there hain't any danger. "

But I still wuz dubersome and sez, "Mebby it would end by our shufflin'off our mortal coils, as Mr. Shakespeare tells on. "

"You don't wear 'em, Samantha, nor never did, nor I don't wear apompodoor" (he meant this for a joke for his head is most as bare as asass plate). 

And he went on, "It would be a very stylish and genteel ride. I'd loveto tell brother Gowdey about it. The bretheren will expect it of me as alive progressive Jonesvillian minglin' here with the noblest in the landto cut sunthin' of a dash. "

But seein' that I still looked dubersome he sez, "I don't feel veryrugged this mornin' and I dread the crowded car; Id'no but I shouldfaint away in 'em if I sot out. "

That of course settled the matter. As his anxious chaperone I consentedto the project and he went and got the showiest one he could find. Hedidn't look for character or stability, only for gildin' and red paint. And we embarked, Josiah with a proud liniment, as if he wuz introducin'me into gay life and fashionable amusements. The man wuz to take us tothe Fair ground for so much, and Josiah feelin' so neat had paid him inadvance, and there wuz another party waitin' for him. And the speed thatshuffler put on wuz sunthin' awful. 

The first few minutes before we got to goin' that terrific speed Josiahliked it, and seemed to look patronizin'ly down on the people walkin'afoot that we passed by and pity 'em. But anon the man got to goin'faster and faster and Josiah's liniment underwent a change and hehollered out to me, for the noise wuz so loud and skairful he had toyell:

"Samantha, I don't believe it is right for members of the meetin' houseto be goin' at such a gait. "

And I hollered back to him, "It hain't none of my doin's, it hain'tnothin' I wanted, " I a hangin' onto my bunnet strings and tryin' to keepmy bunnet on. As for the tabs of my mantilly I had gin up tryin' to curb'em down, and they waved out like a pirate's flag in a cyclone only adifferent color. 

Finally Josiah hollered to the shuffler, "I want you to curb in yourmachine! I'm a deacon, and have got my station in the Jonesville meetin'house to think on. Hold it in, I say!"

The shuffler glanced round at us as calm as a goggle-eyed clam and neverdained to answer, and seemin'ly urged on the orto to redoubled speed. 

Oh, the awfulness of the seen! the terrific noise soundin' on my earpans till it seemed as if them pans must break down, the dirt a flyin', my pardner standin' up with his whiskers and coat tails wavin' in thebreeze. His hat blowed off and by almost superhuman exertions I ketchedit and carried it in my hand, thinkin' it wuz safer than on his head. 

He a yellin', "Stop, I tell you! Whoa! back up! Dum your dum picter, whoa I say!"

For the last few milds Josiah rid standin' all I could do and say. Yellin' at the shuffler, hollerin' whoa to him, and appealin' to Heavenand me simultaneous as it were, for mercy and succor. 

[Illustration]

And that shuffler payin' no more attention to him than as if he wuz afly, not a hoss fly, but jest a common fly. Only he would look back atus once in awhile through them big goggles of hisen that most curdled myblood to see 'em. 

At last Josiah, seemin' to give up all hope, sunk back and grasped holtof my tab and sez, "Good-bye, Samantha, if you git through aliveremember I died tryin' to save you. " His emotions and the dirt chokedhim, and he faintly added:

"Tell the bretheren and see that it is put in the Jonesville Augur, thatI died a hero's death tryin' to save my pardner. " And his grasp on mytabs become almost hysterical. 

But at that minute the entrance gate wuz reached and the orto stopped soabruptly, that Josiah who had got up agin, wuz precipitated into my lap. But he got out immegiately, and the minute he and I stepped onto terryfirmy he turned and shook his fist at the man and sez he, "If it wuzn'tfor the crowd and Samantha's feelin's, I would whip you within an inchof your life! Oh, if I only had you in a ten acre lot you'd feel thewrath of a lion when it wuz rousted up!"

But I laid my hand on him and led him away, I knowed such seens wuz badfor his nerve. He trembled like a popple leaf, and the minute we gotthrough the gate I had to set down with him and deal out four nut-cakesbefore he wuz himself agin. 

I wuz determined this day to go to the Palace of Fine Arts, so we didand I put in a time of almost perfect happiness there. We went intoGovernment Building entrance that day, and I proposed to Josiah that weshould stop at Liberal Arts Building on the way, and he at firstdemurred and sez:

"Samantha, you're too liberal by half now for folks with our means andId'no as I want you to spend your time in such a display. " He said hewould rather take me to the display of Economics, and sez he, wantin' topersuade me to go with him, "Wimmen has countless virtues, but to mymind her crownin' excelence is to be equinomical. "

But I explained to him that exhibit didn't mean bein' liberal with moneybut it wuz jest a step behind Fine Arts, and sez I, "I should think youwould want to see the place where this Exposition wuz dedicated in thepresence of one of the biggest crowds that wuz ever gathered together. "

So we stopped there a little while, and could have spent days there withinterest and profit. The foreign countries have splendid exhibits hereas well as our own. 

Everything in typography and books, everything possible in photography;models of light-houses; dams; geographical maps; Egyptian, Hebrew andImperial surveys. Scientific demonstrations in liquid hydrogen and thatqueer substance, radium. 

I wuz dretfully interested in that wonderful new discovery and sez I tomyself as I looked at it, "As little as there is of you there is enoughto overturn big systems of science and philosophy, and begin a newhistory of the inside of the world. " I wuz glad my sect had discoveredthis and thought it wuz one of the best things she had done in a numberof years. 

And there wuz all kinds of hygienic displays, chemical and engineeringworks. China had a dretful interestin' exhibit, ancient manuscripts, books published thousands of years before our kind of type wuz invented. Weapons that wuz old when Mr. Confucious wuz livin'. Armor, costumes, musical instruments, queer lookin' things them wuz as I ever see andnothin' I would want to play on. Photo engineering, electrotyping, lithography, typewriting; telescopes of all kinds from tiny ones up toones that weigh four thousand pounds. The latest medical and surgicalinstruments. The piano from the first one made up to the presentautomatic instruments of all kinds; stringed instruments, church organs;displays in civil and military engineering; machinery for making goodroads; rock crushers, water purifying, and so on and so on and so on. 

The time spent in this buildin' is full of education as well asinterest. There wuz some beautiful statutes too decoratin' thisbuildin', most on 'em I wuz proud to see wuz figgers of my own sect. 

But having sot out for the Palace of Fine Arts we anon wended our waythither. It is a beautiful building, or ruther there are four massivebuildings connected together to form this Palace of Art. There are threebig buildings in front and an annex, the central building built of stoneand brick is the only permanent buildin' in this enormous Exposition sonaturally they would make it as perfect as possible. 

And it is crowded full of beauty. In fact turn where you would you wouldsee such glowing landscapes, such beautiful faces, such perfectsculpture that you git all mixed up, and when you thought it over youcouldn't remember whether some picture or statute that stood out in yourmemory wuz in the U. S. Exhibit or the French, or German, or Italian, oretc. , etc. 

In lookin' back and thinkin' on't and tryin' to git 'em in the rightplace in your mind it is as difficult as it would be in walking througha big clover meadow and tryin' to sort out the clover blossoms anddescribe 'em one by one and tell in jest what corner of the lot youfound 'em. It can't be done; in such an immense field of art your brainsort o' fills up and turns round and round and you git mixed. But as Isay some of the pictures and statutes stayed in my memory so I couldn'tdislodge 'em and don't want to, no indeed!

Now there are three noble figgers at the entrance that you can't forgit. Inspiration standin' up above the main entrance is jest where she shouldbe. Inspiration, breath of the Most High breathed into some of Hischildren below anon or oftener, and then on each side is Truth andNature. Nature, the kind All Mother, Truth, the divine one. How sweet tofind 'em all there together guardin' and consecratin' these walls. Youwent in feelin' safer with such gardeens at the portal. 

I must say though that Truth didn't have any clothes on, she wuz jestsettin' there on top of the world jest as naked as she could be, shecould have wore one of my bib aprons as well as not, durin' the Fairanyway, whilst there wuz so many folks round and she would have lookedenough sight better to me and been jest as truthful. But howsumever Iknew she wuz likely, her face wuz innocent and beautiful. 

As I said it is some of the pictures and statutes that stand outclearest in my memory, but there wuz everything else there admirable andchoice in art, paintings in oil, wax; on canvas, wood, enamel, metal, fresco paintings on walls and ceilings. Water colors, chalk, pastel, ivory, pyrography. Engravings, etchings, figgers in marble, metal, plaster. Carvings in ivory, stone, wood, etc. Architectural designs ofall kinds; mosaics; art work in glass, earthen ware, leather, metal;artistic book binding and etc. , etc. , etc. , and I might spread these outinto volumes. 

And didn't my soul jest spread her wings here in delight, to speak inflowery language. What pictures of beauty dawned on my rapt eyesight, faces sweet as wuz ever dremp on, sad faces, tragic faces, old faces andyoung faces; children sweet and bonny as wuz ever seen. Youth and love, age and manhood and gratified ambition, princes and paupers, life anddeath. 

Landscapes full of the dewy freshness and joy of the morning, nightseens dark and full of mystery and melancholy. Mountain and valley, hilland dale, ocean and rivulet. Every phase of human joy and sorrow wuzdepictered there, and every phase of peaceful and warlike life. It wuz asight. If I could stayed there a year right in them walls I might havegot round mebby and seen what I wanted to and as long as I wanted to. 

But of course this wuzn't to be, for one thing the Fair would be closedbefore and then Josiah wouldn't gin his consent anyway. He got kinderworrisome as it wuz and didn't want to stay so long as we did, and aftera hour or so I compromised with him, gin him nut cakes occasionally andanon when we would enter a new gallery he would set down by the doortill I had got through lookin'. 

As I said some of the pictures and statutes clung to my memory as ifthey'd been throwed at my mind so powerful that they jest stuck thereand couldn't be dislodged even by all the later multitude of sightsthrowed over 'em. 

There wuz one by Whistler full of the subtle mystery that he wrops roundhis figgers. Why you know he has painted one that to them that aresympathetic, the Little Lady in Black, will walk right out of thepicture and come towards 'em, time and agin she's done it, I'm tellin'the truth that can be proved. 

In the "Mystery of the Night, " the female figger dimly discerned throughthe veil of mist seems the incarnation of the mystery of sky and sea, the infinite solemnity, and peace and loneliness of the night. 

There wuz pictures that made you happy, and some that sort o' sent achill to your sperit, like Millais' "Chill October, " as you looked at ityou almost felt the chill, mournful breeze that you knew wuz sweepin'along. 

Some queer pictures like the "Ghost Dance" kinder lingered in thevestibule of your mind. You know your mind has got more different roomsin it than any house that wuz ever built, and some pictures and folksdon't git into the very inmost rooms; they never git furder than thedoorstep. 

There are three pictures by the King and Queen of Portugal, all on 'empicturin' humble life. The King's show a peasant drivin' cattle towater. I wondered if he didn't wish, when he painted it, that he wuzthat care-free herder, who could sing and whistle and wear easy shues, and throw on any old clothes, and santer out into the dewy mornin' anddo as he wanted to. 

One of the Queen's wuz a farm wagon, such as they carry farm produce in, but sometimes I spoze load up with merry girls and boys for a happyouting in the green woods. 

I shouldn't wonder if when she wuz dead tired of the cares, formalitiesand burdens of a queen, she wished she wuz one of them happy young girlsriding off in a cotton frock on the old farm wagon into some joyouspicnic. 

The other one of hern wuz a cute little donkey and over all on 'em wuzbright sunlight and soft shadow. They done well. I wished I couldencouraged 'em by tellin' 'em so--a word of praise sometimes duz so muchgood, to anybody from peasant to king. 

Among the statutes that I see to the Fair that stood up straight in mymind wuz Light and Darkness. Darkness wuz in the form of two men, one on'em crouched low with his arm over his face drawin' his mantle to hidefrom the light. The other male is liftin' his head but his eyes arestill shot, evidently he feels the dawn of sunthin' better and he'swaking up, while standin' erect is the graceful figger of a female, beautiful and noble, full of boundin' life and light, holdin' up highover her head a star. She wants to wake up the hull world to the light. 

Dakota wuz pictured as a lady with precious few clothes on; she lookedold in her face, and I told Josiah it wuz a shame to see a woman thatage with such a low-necked dress on. It wuz cut down to the bottom ofher waist. And lots of the men staters wuz wearin' low necks. I didn'tlike it, but Josiah remarked that he'd always said:

"A vest and coat cut low neck would make a man look dressy, and hebelieved he should have one made for best. "

I looked coldly at him and said it looked bad enough to see young folksdress in that way without old folks cuttin' up and actin'. 

Lots of the statutes would looked as well agin if they'd had me toadvise 'em about their clothes, but still take the pictures and statutesof the Fair as a hull they're magnificent and a honor to the nations. There are a thousand statutes, all beautiful and inspirin', to be seenthere on the Exposition grounds. 

I wuz glad to see the statute of Dr. Jenner, who discovered vaccination, tryin' it first on his own son. When it is the law for doctors to trytheir medicine first on their own folks, miscelaneous patients will feelsafer. Dr. Jenner acted honorable toward humanity at large. I toldJosiah I hoped the boy got along well and didn't git hit on the armwhile it wuz sore. 

And he said, "I wouldn't worry over folks I never neighbored with, andI'd better tend to my own companion, who wuz starvin' slowly by myside. "

He couldn't been so very hungry havin' eat so many nut-cakes sincebreakfast, but I dealt out some more to him. 

Well, we stayed in the Art Gallery a long time, so long that Josiahcomplained bitterly and sez, "If you stay as long in every buildin' whenwill we git round to see the Pike?" Truly Josiah longed for that placeday by day, but as first chaperone of the party I tried to delay himfrom goin', knowin' that it must come sometime but gladly puttin' offthe day. 

But I sez soothin'ly, "I shan't want to stay so long at any otherplace. " And it bein' past our lunch time we went and had a good meal, and of course Josiah's crossness subsided with every mouthful he tookand his liniment looked like a cosset lamb's in amiability when Iproposed we should go to the Fishery Buildin', it wuzn't so very furfrom there considerin', though as I have said before every place is agood ways off from anywhere else. You'd have knowed the buildin' by thegreat fish that wuz sculped over the entrance. It wuz a bigger fish thanwuz ever lied about in male fish stories, and that's sayin' enough;connected with this is also an exhibit of forestry and game. We wentinto the part devoted to forestry first, there are several acresoutdoors as well as inside devoted to this display, and what didn't wesee there in trees, plants, woods of every kind, forest growth treeplanting, all sorts of useful wood, pine, spruce, hemlock, cedar, allthe hard woods, and everything made of wood; wood pulp, barrels, baskets, turpentine, alcohol. 

In the United States exhibit wuz immense pictures illustrating ourforests, methods of lumbering, lumber camps, forest fires, etc. , etc. There wuz displays of different species of trees and plants, forestbotany, structure and anatomy of woods, saw-mills, seeds and plants ofall kinds, and all the different woods and products of wood from Egyptto Japan, barks, roots, cork, rubber, gums, oils, quinine, camphor, varnish, wax, dye-woods, lumber, staves, why there wuz over two hundreddifferent kinds of wood from Argentina alone. 

Josiah, who wuz real interested here, sez, "I'd love to have brotherGowdey step in here a minute; he's proud as a peacock of his strip ofwoodland, he thought he covered the hull field of forestry with his woodpulp and maple sugar. I guess his pride would be took down a little. "

"Well, " sez I, "let's look on it as showin' the greatness and wonder ofProvidence and be humble and admire. "

"I shall look at it as I'm a minter!" he sez. But I guess he wuz morereverential for a spell. 

And there wuz all the plants and leaves used in medicine, and mushrooms, truffles, seeds and plants and implements for gathering and preserving;drying houses, nurseries, basket work, grass work. It seemed as ifeverything that could be known about trees and plants could be learnthere, and though we knowed we hadn't time or convenience to take all theknowledge in, no, our heads wuzn't big enough, but they felt crowdedfull as we left this buildin'. And that I felt wuz the crownin' glory ofthis fair, the new idees and knowledge of better ways and things thatwuz learnt in all these exhibits, and wuz destined in the future to bearfruit and bless the world. 

In the Fishery department we see all the products of the great waterworld that makes up more than half of our earth. Every kind of fish thatever swum, from a whale to a minnie, salt water and fresh water fish, and them that are half fish and half animal, and aquatic birds andaquatic plants of all kinds, and plants that seem half way betweenvegetable and animal. Sea grass, shells of all kinds, pearls, pearl-shells, corals, sponges, skins and furs, illustrations, paintingsand casts illustrating water life of all kinds, fishing grounds. Allkinds of boats, nets, traps, rods, reels, lines, fish curingestablishments, aquariums, and so and so on and so on, and I might writethem "so ons, " indefinitely but what would be the use?

Jest imagine everything that is discovered and brought to light by themthat go down to the sea in ships and there it wuz. 

CHAPTER X. 

West of the forestry buildin' growin' right out of the ground is aimmense map of the United States covering five acres of ground, gravelwalks mark the State and coast lines, and each State is sot out in itsown native flowers. 

There it wuz, you could look right down onto it jest like a map, fromthe rocky shores of Maine down to Florida. 

Josiah wuz simply infatuated with the sight and I myself thought it wuza great idee and I sez:

"Josiah, this is a plan worthy of Uncle Sam to immortalize what isdearest to him in living colors. "

"Yes, indeed!" sez he, and after a minute's thought he added, "Otherscan foller suit and set them that are dearest to 'em out-doors. If Ilive till another spring, Samantha, " sez he firmly, "I will set you outin the paster. The dooryard would be too small to do justice to you. Uryand I will plant you in the middle of the ten acre lot. "

I wuz touched by the tenderness underlyin' the idee, but sez I, "Haveyou counted the cost, Josiah?"

"I know it will cost, you're hefty and big boneded and I'd want youheroic size, but we needn't have your hull frame made in posies, I couldplant you in different seeds and raise you like a crop, and sell you inthe fall. Beans would look well in different colors. "

He see my look of cold irony as he spoke of sellin' me, and added, "Or Icould set you out mostly in pusley if you'd ruther, the garden is fullof it. "

"I shall never be sot out in pusley, Josiah Allen, I always hated it. The hull thing is as crazy as anything you ever undertook. "

"Crazy or not it will be did; summer squash would look well and beequinomical, I could probable train 'em so you'd seem to be holdin' thesquashes in your arms. "

"Give up the hull skeem, Josiah Allen; don't try to combine love andeconomy so clost. "

But he vowed he wouldn't give it up, and I spoze I may see troubleweanin' him from the idee. 

That night whilst I wuz restin' a little in my room after supper, Josiahhavin' stayed down in the parlor a spell talkin' to granpa Huff andBilly, Blandina come into my room. She wuz all fagged out, but under thefag you could see that expression of perennial good nature and love toman. 

She said she'd been readin' all day to grandpa Huff and as near as Icould make out he'd kep' her right down to them blood-curdlin' chapterswhere they fried the martyrs in ile and briled 'em on grid-irons. Shelooked dretful tired and I told her I wouldn't gin in and read suchstuff all day. 

But she said Mr. Huff wuz anxious to hear it and she wuz perfectlywillin' and more than willin' to please him, for sez she smilin' in aqueer sort of a way and sort o' bridlin' a little, "I'm anxious to doanything for him I can because I love him devotedly. "

I wuz fairly stunted. "Love him?" sez I, "why how long ago wuz it thatyou loved his grandchild passionately? Why, " sez I, "Blandina, you seemto rob the cradle and the grave for objects of affection. "

"Yes, I did love Billy with perfect devotion till I found that myaffection wuz driven back like a dove from the rest it fain would madein his youthful heart, and now it has settled down upon his grandpa'sbosom. Mr. Huff needs a companion, Aunt Samantha. He needs a tenderfemale companion to journey by his side over the rough pathway of life. And, oh, I do feel that this world is a cold rough place and my heart, like that wanderin' dove I spoke on, sithes to find rest. "

"Well, " sez I reasonably, "mebby a dove would be safe to rest on grandpaHuff, but I don't believe he could stand the weight of a hen. Why, he'sninety if he's a day, Blandina. "

She didn't reply but sot lookin' mournful but clever, and agin she sez, "This is a cold world. "

"Not here it hain't, not in St. Louis, " sez I, wipin' my heated forward, but she went on:

"My heart has gone out to him without any will of my own. I feel that hehas the makin' of a noble man in him. "

And I sez, "I guess he's made about all he can be on this spear. " Butseein' her mournful looks I added, "You're a clever critter, Blandina, that's what's the matter with you, you're so good hearted you mistakegood nater and pity for love more'n half the time. I don't believe, " sezI feelin'ly, "I ever see a cleverer creeter than you are. " And I meantit, every word I said. 

But she repeated agin, "I love him, Aunt Samantha, with a pure, deepdevotion. "

"Well, " sez I, "if I wuz in your place I would take a little catnip teaand go to bed. I'll steep some for you over my alcohol lamp. " I knowedit wuz her good nater and her nerves that wuz wrought up instead of herheart, though catnip is good for the heart for all I know. She'd got allnerved up readin' them dretful things and felt queer, I wuz sorry forBlandina to think she wuz so very sensitive to masculine influence. Sherefused the catnip tea but took the other half of my advice and went tobed, and I sez to myself, I declare I don't know what the good nater ofthat creeter will lead her into and I most wished she wuz back inJonesville where that trait of hern wouldn't have so much room forshowin' off and so many objects to practice on, but I felt safe aboutgrandpa Huff, for I knowed that even if he'd been strong enough to standup to be married, his grandchildren and great-grandchildren wouldn't lethim. 

Well, the next morning Molly come, havin' arrived on a sleeper. Iwelcomed her warmly. She's a sweet girl, with big eyes soft and brown asthe shallers in our trout brook and a shadder in 'em now some like thedark places where the deep water is. Hair about the same color, done upin a shinin' coil on the top of her head, but where it would git loose alittle kinder curlin' and crinklin' about her white forward and roundwhite neck. A sweet sad expression on her lips, cheeks white as snow nowbut meant to be pink and a pretty plump figger. She wuz very beautifuland called so by good judges. 

And I wuzn't surprised that Billy Huff fell immegiately and voylently inlove with her to his own discomfiture and the great enrichment of themthat sold perfumery and hair-oil. But I knowed it wouldn't hurt him any, it wuz only a new face to hang up for the present in the gallery of aboy's Fancy. Aunt Tryphena fairly worshipped her. She immegiately roseto the top place in her gallery of perfect beings. Nothing wuz too goodfor her, no service she could render her wuz too hard, she almost soaredup to that pinnacle on which her Prince Arthur dwelt. Dotie became herwillin' adorer and Miss Huff couldn't do enough for her. 

But to resoom backward a little. Molly didn't want to go to the Fairground that morning, wantin' to rest and recooperate, so Josiah, Blandina and I sot forth a little later than common. There wuz astoppage of the cars some ways from the gate and we got out and walkedthinkin' we'd git there quicker, Josiah started to step off first whenBlandina rushed past him, waved him back, and descended herself rightinto the midst of horses heads and huffs and yells and profanity fromtwo drivers who wuz stoppin' the way and wuz revilin' each other, andafter we got safe onto the sidewalk and wuz walkin' along I sez to her:

"You ort to be more careful, Blandina, or you'll find yourself killedsome day and trompled on, I wuz skairt for you. "

"Oh, I didn't think about myself, I wuz only thinkin' of savin' dearuncle Josiah, it wuzn't so much matter about me. A woman's life you knowis not worth anything compared to a man's. "

"Oh, shaw!" I sez, I wuz driv to it, and I sez it agin, "Oh, shaw!"

"Why, Aunt Samantha, you know it has been decided that that is so. Ithas been settled by law that a female's life is worth only half as muchas a man's. Don't you remember last spring in Brooklyn it wuz settledonce for all that a female child's life wuzn't worth only half as muchas a male child?"

Sez I, "I remember a man's saying so, I don't remember it wuz proved; Imyself thought it wuz about as hefty a thing as a judge ever undertookto try to set a value on two human lives with all their glorious andterrible possibilities, and, " sez I, eppisodin' a little but walkin'along all the time, "how did that man know but the soul of a FlorenceNightingale would wake up in that girl and bless the world for all time?And how did he know but the boy would prove a Benedict Arnold or aGuiteau? An evil influence to curse the world forever. It wuz a heftyjob, and if Josiah had been judge I wouldn't let him undertook it, or ifhe had I'd had him set an equal value on what God and nater and humanaffection had made equal. "

"Well, well, " sez Josiah, "le'ss git along unless you want to stay hereand preach all day on the sidewalk. "

"But, " sez I, "I'm not preachin', Josiah, I'm eppisodin'. "

"Well, there is a time for eppisodin' and a time for common sense, andle'ss git along. "

He acted real grumpy, I guess he'd thought more on me, if I hadpretended I thought his life wuz worth double mine. But I wouldn't say Ithought so not even for love's sake. And mebby he squirmed because Isaid I would have him do thus and so. Men are so queer! you can't alwaystell jest where the shue pinches, but you know by their actin' andbehavin' that it pinches somewhere. 

But Blandina sez, evidently reconnoitering the past seen in her memory, "No livin' bein' will ever make me think a man's life is not worth morethan a woman's. " Well, she felt so and I couldn't make her over at thislate day, she'd been made too long, so Common Sense, with whom I alwaystry to be on the most intimate terms, told me I hadn't better multiplyany more words with her. Josiah's liniment wuz some clouded till hismind wuz took up by seein' some horses with hats on which truly wuzneeded in that torrid heat, and he forgot his temporary shagrin invisions of the future. 

Sez he, "The first work I do when I git home will be to git a hat forthe old mair; I won't have to buy one, Tirzah Ann's last summer hat willbe jest the thing. You know that one trimmed with red roses and shiffonand long lace streamers. Your hats ain't dressy enough; why the old mairhain't quite twenty-one, hain't old enough to vote even if her sect hadthe privelige. She's young and ort to dress young. That hat will be jestthe thing. And what a sensation we will make enterin' Jonesville on aSunday mornin', the mair, myself and you, we shall attract world-wideattention. " But that minute we got to the gate and entered in. I nevershall ride after the mair with a hat on, and pink roses and long lacestreamers, never. But didn't argey about it. 

Well, Josiah couldn't be held off any longer, he would go to the Pikethat mornin'; I told him it wuzn't writ in my pad. 

And he sez, "Dum that pad! Am I goin' to be held in by that pad, and ledround by it all summer? I'm goin' to the Pike to-day and you can do asyou're a minter. " And Blandina jined in of course and said that if dearUncle Josiah's mind wuz sot on it it wuz best to go, and she sez kinderlow to me, "it wuzn't right to cross a man unless it wuz absolutelynecessary. "

I wuz goin' to twit her and tell her that as first chaperone I wuz theone to settle these matters, but I see Josiah wuz gittin' too agitated, one look at his gloomy face made me think of the past, and I gin in asgracefully as I could, and we wended our way thither with no moreparley, and Josiah, as soon as our heads wuz turned that way, begun tobrighten up and look better, and so about one-half of my mind and speritwuz satisfied. And sometimes I think you can't be satisfied any morethan that on this spear wherever you go, and whatever you see, speciallyif you have a man to deal with that is more or less fraxious andworrisome. To ease his mind and temper you'll git led into strange anddevious paths time and agin. 

But to resoom forward. The Four Cowboys on a Tear guardin' the entranceto the Pike confronted us and in their wild and boysterous hilarityseemed to my agitated and forebodin' sperit to shadow forth what wewould find inside their domain. They wuz a strange and skairful set, their clothes wuz rough and disheveled and so wuz their linements. Theyall on 'em brandished aloft a pistol, seemin' to be on the lookout forsomeone to shoot. Their horses wuz on the dead gallop and you knowed bythe expression on their faces jest what blood curdlin' yells wuz issuin'from their throats. 

Why, if you'll believe it they wuz goin' at such a gallopin' prancin'gait that the feet of one of their horses never touched the ground, allfour of his feet wuz gallopin' through the air. Josiah sez as he lookedat it:

"I would give a dollar bill to Ury in a minute if he could learn thecolt to do that trick, gallop along without his feet touchin' theground. Jest think what a sensation it would make to the Jonesvillefair. The old mair is too old of course to git the trick. "

"Yes, " sez I, "I guess her feet will never be lifted altogether from theground till they are turned up in their last rest. But I wouldn't try, Josiah Allen, to imitate that roarin' and rakish set if I wuz in yourplace, you a member of the meetin' house. "

"Oh, keep throwin' that meetin' house in my face, I should think you'dgit tired ont but don't spoze you will. "

And Blandina sez, "Oh, Aunt Samantha, don't be too harsh on them happyyoung men, it is only their high sperits. They would probable settledown and make the best of husbands if they had a tender and lovingcompanion. I wonder, " sez she, "if they wuz took from life and ifthey're here to the Fair I do so like the looks of one on 'em, I believewe would be congenial. "

I hurried 'em along, the one she pinted out had his pistol raised thehighest of the lot and he looked the most rakish. 

But you forgot the looks of the cow-boys as you stood at the entranceand got a full view of the Pike. A perfect flood of all the colors ofthe rainbow, and towers and steeples and domes and crescents, andornaments of all kinds busts on your vision, and at the same time yourear-pans are assailed by a noise like the sound of many waters, it isthe big crowd that is surgin' through the Pike to and fro, fro and to, and keep at it night and day. 

The great crowd seen here all the time shows how much the average humancraves amusement and recreation. For the Pike is the amusement street ofthe Exposition. And a bystander standin' by told us that it extended amild and a half from the Lindel entrance where we entered clear up tothe Skinker road. 

"What Skinker is that?" sez Josiah to the man. "Is he any relation tothe Skinkerses up in Zoar? Old Ethan Skinker had a boy who come West. Most probable you've seen him here; I know most every stranger thatcomes to Jonesville. "

"Where is Zoar?" sez the man, an uppish lookin' creeter, but sunk inignorance, for when Josiah sez, "Zoar is four milds from Jonesville, "sez the man:

"Where is Jonesville?"

And Josiah sez to me, "I'll be jiggered, Samantha, if this man at thisage of the world don't know where Jonesville is. "

"Well, " sez I coolly, "we hain't expected to civilize all creation, Josiah. " And as we had jest come to the entrance of the Tyoleran Alps Iwouldn't let Josiah stop and parley with him any furder. He wuz kindersnickerin' to himself, a ignorant onmannerly creeter. 

I had told Josiah and he fell in with the idee to once (he is clost)that we wouldn't try to see all the sights of the Pike. But this bein'the first one we come to we thought we would enter and we found it wuz ahighly interestin' spectacle. 

There wuz lofty snow-crowned mountains, some on 'em that seemed furaway, and some nigher by, a lake lyin' smooth and placid at their feet. Its shore wuz dotted with trees, and little picturesque cottages nestledon its banks. 

Anon a large fair city spread out at the foot of the serene mountains. Then you would come to an immense castle, so nigh the mountain that itseemed to grow out of it with its ivied walls and lofty towers piercedwith quaintly paned windows. Crowds of sightseers passin' in and out itslofty arched entrance and walking through the grounds outside. 

Another castle, handsomer yet, wuz the castle of Linderhof, which standsin stately magnificence at the foot of the mountain, but furder awayfrom it. Rows of clipped evergreens stand along its white terraces andmasses of foliage on each side. A white monument towered up to the skyin the centre of its beautiful lawn in front, and nigher by there wuz abig leapin' fountain guarded on each side by statutes of female wimmenreclining at ease but seemin' to have their eye on the hull beautifulseen and tendin' to things, as wimmen have to. 

Then anon you would come to a little village with pretty houses, mostlygables. There wuz a mountain torrent with several bridges over it thatfoamed and dashed along through the quaint little place. Pretty girls intheir gay national costume accosted us from the verandas anon or oftenerwantin' to sell sooveneers. 

Josiah noticed the price they asked and hurried me onwards. They wuzreal pretty girls so I didn't mind so much goin' on (married wimmen willunderstand my feelin's. We have to keep one eye out more or less). 

There is a little chapel and below it cut from solid rock is a statuteof Andreas Hofer, victorious soldier, lover of country, but like manyanother hero he had to suffer martyrdom for it. But his gratefulcountrymen keeps his memory green. I wuz glad to see it. 

It wuz a pretty place: the lofty mountain side with cow bells tinklingalong the winding roads, the cool pretty villages below, chimes soundingfrom high towers, the peasants singing their national songs, the bandsringing out their stirring melodies. And you could take a tram car andgo through some of the loveliest seens in the Alps. We stayed there sometime. 

I have hearn since that them mountains wuz holler and they keep beer andstimulants there, Id'no how true it is. But I sez, "If it is so it issymbolical of where such stuff and its dealers will find themselves ifthey don't repent, down in the dirt and the dark, keepin' company withthe Prince of Darkness. But I didn't see hide nor hair of any of 'em anddon't know as there wuz anything to see. "

I kinder wanted to go into the Irish Village, and said so; I remarkedthat you could buy Irish linen and lace there right on the spot. ButJosiah sez, thrustin' his portmoney deeper in his pocket, "Id'no why weshould go in there, we hain't Irish. "

But I sez, "Miss Huff said it wuz dretful interestin', Josiah, I'dkinder like to see it. "

But Josiah gin another deeper thrust to his portmoney and must havestrained his pocket and sez in terser, hasher axents:

"We hain't Irish!"

And I sez kinder short, "Id'no as we're Alps. " But I didn't argy therewuz so many folks round, wimmen have to choke off time and agin andconceal their shagrin' and their pardner's actin'. 

Miss Huff had told me a lot about it. She said they had a real House ofParliament and you could drive in jaunting cars through Lake Kilarneyregion and the rocky road to Dublin that we've all hearn about. 

Blarney Castle is used here as a theatre with stirring national playsgoing on and there is an Irish arch over nine hundred years old, and ina village here is an Irish national exhibit together with a Scotchdisplay, laces, linens, carpets, etc. , and there is a gallery of famousIrish beauties. She said it wuz as good as a visit to Ireland to studythe country and the looks and ways of the people. 

But as I say, Josiah hurried me past the long, many windowed front ofthe Irish Industrial Exhibit with its gay flags wavin' out on topbagonin' us to come in, past the famous St. Lawrence gate, Droggeda, oneof the most famous relics in all Ireland, with its tall towers and itsnoble archway filled with crowds of sightseers, for he had seen right bythe side of that gate a big roundin' entrance arch with the round worldpoised above it and above the arch in letters as high as he wuz:

Under and Over the Sea. 

And of course he wuz bound to indulge in that luxury. And it wuzthrillin' in the extreme though I stood it better than he did. 

The first thing you see is a submarine boat, you can see this plain fromthe Pike and the passengers embarkin' on it, two hundred and fifty canbe carried by this boat at one time, and Josiah led us onto it with aexcited linement, but he tried to look brave and fearless. 

But the sights we see down there wuz enough to dismay a man weighin' farmore than Josiah. You could look right out of the boat on the dashin'waves, water above you and on every side and see the strange monsters ofthe deep, and the queer marine growths and blossoms. Imagine seein'whales up over your head comin' right towards you, and Id'no but therewuz leviathians, I guess there wuz, they wuz big enough. 

Anon you come to the river Seine in Paris and swoop up to the top ofEiffel Tower. Blandina sez holdin' onto my tabs, "From the bowels of theearth up to the vaulted heavings!"

I said tabs, but I meant tab, for Josiah had holt of the other with analmost frenzied grasp, and sez he, "Where will we go next, Samantha?"

And I sez, "Id'no, mebby to the moon or Mars. "

And Blandina in trembling axents sez, "I wish I wuz safe at Mars. "

Her ma is old but got her faculties. And Josiah sez with chatterin'teeth and quaverin' voice as he looked down from the dizzy hite ontoParis, "If I git through this alive I shall be glad to tell the brethrenabout it. "

Far below us lay the illuminated city, for it wuz night, and a beautifulseen but sort o' melancholy. And sure enough, as if to prove my wordstrue, here at the very top of the tower wuz an air-ship on which we tookflight through the boundless fields of air. Paris died on our vision, then we floated over many cities and harbors, up the English Channel, anon the lights of London are passed and we are high up above the ocean. Weird and wild is the seen, the moon comes up, black clouds rise, andthe voice of the winds is heard, then the rumbling of thunder and theforked lightning darts its baleful glare at us. 

Josiah whispers, "Samantha, have you got on your gold beads?"

[Illustration]

I wear 'em under my collar but most always take 'em off in a thunderstorm not wantin' to be struck in my neck. And I seen him furtivelygittin' ready to throw away his jack-knife. But at that minute the stormcalms down and Josiah replaces his knife jest as we enter New Yorkharbor. A flight over sea and land, forest and city, and we land agin atthe Exposition. 

As we disembarked Josiah grasped holt of my hand ostensibly to help mebut really in tender greeting, and sez in fervid axents, "I wouldn'thave you take that trip alone, Samantha, without me with you to protectyou, not for worlds. "

"No, " sez Blandina, "what would we have done without dear Uncle Josiahby our side?"

I didn't argy but felt that he wouldn't with his size and weight mademuch headway agin them whales and water monsters to say nothin' ofdanger by drowndin' and fallin' from the sky. But he felt neat and wewended our way on. 

Josiah said he didn't care about goin' to Asia, and I said it wuz a pitynot to when we wuz so nigh, but he kinder hurried me on. 

I told him that the Streets of Seville interested me, for it wuz plannedby a woman, the only woman who ever received a concession in a amusementstreet of a Exposition. 

And Josiah sez, "I shall spend my money on sunthin' of more importance;it probable all runs to crazy quilts and tattin. "

But it wuz no such thing, it wuz perfectly beautiful, as I've hearnfolks say that have been there. But I see he wuz beginnin' to lookkinder mauger, and as first chaperone I sez anxiously, "Where do youwant to go, dear Josiah? Do you want to go to Hagenbecks Animal Show?"

"No, I don't; I shall see animals enough when I git home in my ownbarnyard. "

"Well, do you want to go to the Hereafter, Josiah?"

"No, we shall git there all right if we keep on without my payin' outmoney. I told you I wuzn't goin' to pay to go in to all these places. "

"Well, do you want to go to France or Ceylon or Persia? Or Cairo? Orwhere do you want to go?"

Sez he, cross as a bear, "I want to go where I can git sunthin' to eat. "

And I sez, "Dear Josiah, I've been so took up I forgot your appetite; wewill go to once. " And havin' heard that good food could be got in Japanwe hastened thither. 

CHAPTER XI. 

We entered Fair Japan through a big gateway a hundred feet high. It wuzcalled the Temple of Kiko, it wuz all covered with carvin' and goldornaments. And they say it couldn't be made now of the same materialsfor a million dollars. It would been magnificent lookin' if it hadn'tbeen for what looked like serpents wreathin' up the pillars in front. Ihate snakes! and they're the last ornaments I would ever sculp over myfront door. 

Blandina said they wuz dragons, and mebby they wuz. 'Tennyrate they wuzfastened to the pillars and didn't offer to hurt us. We got quite a goodmeal, but queer, in a tea-house on the borders of the lake. They had thebest tea I ever drinked. I asked 'em how long they steeped it, and howmuch they put in for a drawin', but they bein' ignorant didn't seem tounderstand me. But I enjoyed bein' there, for whilst our inner men andwimmen wuz bein' refreshed our minds wuz enriched by this real pictureof life in Japan, for in there it is jest as if we had traveledthousands of milds and wuz sot down in the real Japan. 

After the edge of Josiah's hunger wuz squenched he begun to look abouthim and praise up the looks of the Geisha girls that wuz dancin' orrather posterin' in their pretty modest way, and some on 'em playin' onqueer lookin' instruments that looked some like my carpet sweeper. 

These girl musicians wuz settin' on the floor dressed in what seemed tobe gay colored night gowns, and they looked well enough, kinder innocentand modest lookin'. But I told him it wuzn't becomin' in a old man and aprofessor to be so enthusiastick over young girls dancin' and playin'. 

And he sez, "Oh, well, fetch on your girl blinders and I'll put 'em on. But till you git 'em for me and harness me up in 'em I've got to lookround some. "

But I told him there wuz enough for him to see besides girls and therewuz. For it beats all what long strides the Japans have made in everybranch of education and culture. If they keep on in the next century asthey have in this some of the so-called advanced nations will have totake a back seat and let this little brown, polite people stand to thehead. But then they have been cultured for hundreds of years, thoughlots of folks don't seem to know it. 

But I am sorry to say it wuzn't the high art and culture of Japan thatJosiah wuz most interested in, but the queer things, such as the strangestunted trees trained into forms of men and animals hundreds of yearsold and no higher than a common chair, and lots of 'em not so high. Andthere wuz roosters with tails twenty-five feet long. 

Josiah said he wuz bound to git an egg and see if he could hatch one. 

And I sez, "Where would it roost? It's tail is long agin as the henhouse is high. "

Well, he said in the summer it could roost on top of the barn with itstail kinder hangin' down and out over the smoke house. 

But it wuzn't a minute before his eyes wuz took up with some images, some big ones covered with the most exquisite carvin', down to them sosmall, if you'll believe it, they wuz carved out of a single kernel ofrice. And there wuz gold fish and a hundred other kinds of fishes, andyou see there the common houses of the people and people livin' in themjest as they do in their own country, and a royal palace, archedbridges, lanterns hangin' everywhere, pagodas, temples, lagoons withornamental boats, cascades, etc. All made a pretty picture, thoughcurious. 

Then in Asakusa, a native village of Japan, is forty stores and thereyou see the most beautiful display of rugs, carved ivory and wood, porcelain, jewels, fans, paintings, etc. , and the workmen busy making'em right before your eyes. And in the narrer streets jugglers, acrobats, fortune tellers are giving their mysterious performances. There are bands of music, jinrikishaws with men harnessed up in 'em, andyou can ride in 'em if so inclined. 

There wuz quite a number of places on the Pike that we passed that Ikinder wanted to see, but Josiah wuzn't willin' to pay out too muchmoney, and what interested me most wuz the foreign countries that I hadnever had a chance to see, they havin' the misfortune to be so fur fromJonesville. But when we got to the Chinese Village, it had such amagnificent and showy front that Josiah never made an objection to goin'inside. 

I wuz dretful glad to go there, you know it is nater to want to do whatyou can't. And China has been so determined to keep Josiah and I and theworld out of her empire, I wuz glad enough to git in, and wuz realinterested lookin' at them queer yeller pig-tailed little creeters withdresses on, and their funny little houses. 

There wuz a big Chinese theatre, and a Joss house where they worshipJoss, whoever he or she may be, I wanted to have their religionexplained to me, there wuz a guide there to do it. 

But Josiah said that as a deacon he wouldn't countenance it, for I mightbe led into idolatry. And when I argued with him he whispered to me:

"Samantha, if you insist on hangin' round their meetin' house here anylonger I shall say out loud, 'By Joss!'"

At that fearful threat I started on, I wouldn't let him demean himselfbefore the heathen. 

You can see here in this country, as in Japan, native workers plyin'their different trades, mechanics, painters, jewelers, etc. , etc. Silkweavers usin' the same old, onhandy looms they used centuries ago, ivorycarvers fashionin' elephants and other animals, and all on 'em tryin' tosell to us in their high-pitched voices. 

I had quite a number of emotions here in China a musin' on the oldnessand strangeness of their civilization, and wonderin' if it would ever bemerged into a newer, fresher life. 

Blandina didn't share my lofty emotions, she simpered some and said, "Ibelieve they would make lovely husbands if their eyes wuz sot instraighter and they dressed different. "

And I sez, "I wouldn't admire 'em in that capacity, but after all theywould be equinomical husbands. If you had a calico dress kinder wore offround the bottom you could cut it off and make 'em wear it, men'sclothes are so expensive it would be quite a savin'. And you could passhim off for the hired girl if strangers come onexpected, though that issunthin' I wouldn't approve on, fur from it, a hauty sperit goes beforea fall, as I told Josiah once when he got on a new kind of collar thatheld his head up so high he fell over the wood-box. "

But to resoom. The Chinese are curious lookin', but equinomical, theycan live on a few grains of rice a day, and America owes 'em a debt ofgratitude anyway for tunnelin' her Rocky Mountains, buildin' her bigrailroads and diggin' ditches to water the land and make it beautifulthat they're shet out of. 

Blandina sez to me as we wended our way out, "No man ort to be turnedback out of this country. " She said the Chinee wuz good, industrious, equinomical and peaceable. 

And I sez, "Yes, they work well and don't go round like some otherforeigners with a chip on their shoulder. But, " sez I, "Blandina, I willnot tell the nation what to do in this matter; there is so much to besaid on both sides it must not depend on me to settle it, and theyneedn't ask me to. "

I hadn't more than said these words as we wuz strollin' along when whoshould we meet but Royal and Rosy Nelson. I knowed they wuz to bemarried the very day after we left for St. Louis. We wuz invited butcouldn't go, our plans bein' all laid and tickets bought, but I sent 'ema handsome present, for I wuz highly tickled with the match. 

Truly no rose ever looked sweeter hangin' on its bough than did RosyNelson hangin' onto the arm of her devoted consort, and he I thought wuzwell named, so royal and proud wuz his mean as he introduced his wife. 

I kissed her warmly right there in China and promised to make her a allday's visit soon as I got home, I'm lottin' on't. 

We talked a little about past troubles caused by Jabezeses andinventions, and the glories of the Fair, and then they strolled offhappy as two turkle doves, not needin' or desirin' any other companythan their own, and showin' it plain by their actions. Josiah was putout about it for he wanted to find out about how things wuz to home, bein' highly tickled to meet a male Jonesvillian. 

Blandina sez as they walked away, bound up in each other and both on 'emwropped up in the glowin' mantilly of youth and joy: "Oh, happy, happywedded souls! how I envy you. "

And Josiah sez in a fraxious axent, "How queer it is that two such smartyoung folks can look and act so spooney, but thank heaven! it won'tlast. It won't be long before Royal will be willin' to pass the time o'day with a Jonesvillian. "

I told him there wuz nothin' so beautiful as love. "No, nor nothin' thatmakes folk act so like pesky fools, they don't act as though they knewputty. "

I hated such oncongenial idees. But couldn't deny they wuz spooney, forthey wuz, not a small teaspoon but a big silver dinner spoon, and Ibelieve it will last. Not the outward form of the spoon, oh, no, thatwould be too wearisome to the world and themselves, but the preciousmetal that forms it. Love is the greatest thing in the world. 

Blandina had always lived in a back place and had never heard agraphophone, so bein' kinder tired, and bein' nigh a place where theyhad one, we went in at her request and sot for quite a spell. 

And we heard voices and songs gay and sad, marches and melodies, loftiest oratory, maddest mirth and profoundest feeling all comin' outof a little square box, what a idee!

What a man that Edison is. It seems always like watchin' the wonderfulonseen secrets of nater, like seein' the mortal made immortal to thinkthat voices we've loved and mourned as they wuz hushed in the laststillness can sound out agin, breakin' our hearts with the same oldechoes, the same old sweetness of the voice we loved and lost, talkin'in mortal words and axents to us when they've long, long ago learnt theimmortal language, beheld the immortal seens. 

Why Cleopatra's voice might have been stored up as she made love toAntony, or the voice of the relation on her own side, old Mr. Pharohimself orderin' the Hebrews to git out of his premises, and their backtalk about plaguin' him till he wuz willin' they should go. 

Why even Eve scoldin' Adam about slackness in gittin' kindlin' wood orher pardner complainin' about her wastefulness and extravagance in usin'so many fig leaves for her fall suit. Oh, how nateral, how nateral thatwould sound to wimmen. 

Or old Noah's voice as he stood in the Ark door bagonin and shoutin' tothe animals to walk in male and female. Or his voice kinder soothin' andpatronizin' tellin' the female dove to go out and shirk round on thewater and see if it wuz safe for the males in the party to go out. Oh, how nateral that would sound to wimmen, soundin' out through thecenturies. 

And on and on down the long years, Job's voice complainin' of the bittercomfort of his friend's familiar talk. He'd stood losin' family andfortune and had stood biles but the seven days' visitation and the "Itold-you-sos" and the advice of well wishers wuz too much for him. 

And Solomon's talk to Miss Sheba and hem to him. And Daniel's talk bythe deep waters, and mebby the Great Voice that said to him:

"Understand!"

And brave Queen Esther's voice facin' her enemies and a drunken king, and sweet Ruth's, and Paul's incomparable words, and St. John's. Or thelofty voices of the Patriot fathers as they nobly shrieked for freedomas they threw their pardner's tea overboard, while they hung onto theirwhiskey and tobacco that wuz taxed twice as high. 

Oh, how their impassioned cries for liberty, and how they wouldwillin'ly sacrifice their wives favorite beveridge ruther than to yieldto the tyrant. How nateral, how nateral them noble yells would sound totheir descendant females, the Daughters of the Revolution, and all therest. What would it be for us all to hear them axents, and it could havebeen done if Edison had been born sooner and that little box had beenround. 

I didn't wonder that Blandina wuz enthused, it is enough to enthuseanybody that never has hearn it, she said she laid out to go every daythree or four times a day and stay jest as long as she could. 

One of the most remarkable sights we see on the Pike wuz Jim Key, ahorse that is valued at a hundred thousand dollars, who travels in hisown private car. A horse that can read and write, spell, understandmathematics, go to the post office, git mail from any box, give chapterand verse of Bible text where the horse is mentioned, uses thetelephone, and is so intelligent you expect him to break out in oratoryany time. 

Josiah wuz spell bound here, I could hardly tear him away. And sez he:

"The first thing I do when I go home will be to send the colt to thedeestrick school. "

I told him the teacher wouldn't want him whinnerin' round amongst herscholars, and mebby gallopin' and snortin' round the schoolroom. 

But he wuz as firm as adamant in his idee. And Id'no what I shall doabout it. But spoze the trustees will have to head him off. 

Josiah wanted to go and see the Fire Fighters, he said he thought hecould git some idees to tell the brethren that wuz in the fire company, and Blandina and I wanted to see the Esquimeaux Village. We went on, Josiah promisin' to meet us there. And as we went I said:

"I've sung for years about Greenland's icy mountains, but never spozed Ishould set my eyes on 'em. " For there towerin' up to the skies wuzimmense ice mountains peaked and desolate lookin', and inside it lookedworse yet. A bare snowy place broken by cold lookin' water dotted withice islands and surrounded by tall ice peaks. I don't spoze it wuz realice and snow, but looked like it. 

And there wuz reindeers hitched to sleds, and the low round huts of thenatives lookin' jest like the pictures in our old Gography. And therewuz some white bears natural as life, and dog teams haulin' sledges, toiling up the steep cliffs hitched tantrum. The natives wuz queerlookin' little creeters, dark complexioned, dressed in furs and thickcostooms. But little Nancy Columbus born at the World's Fair, Chicago, wuz cute as she could be. 

There wuz a big street show at the other end of the Pike and this placewuz most deserted by sight-seers, and Blandina and I sot down on a benchby the side of one of these little housen to rest. As we did so we hearnthe voice of oratory comin' from the other side, where some Esquimeauxseemed to be gathered with open mouths and wonderin' linements. Theorator seemed to be finishin' his address in words as follers:

"Let us not permit ourselves to be spiritually incapacitated byquandaries regarding the control of earthly matter. Let uscircumnavigate the ethereal realms of unexplored ether, quander theunquanderable until the everlastin' stupendiousness of the whyness ofthe what shall dawn on the enraptured vision, and precipitate theeffulgent tissues of ethereal matter in one glorious pulchritude oftranscendentalism. "

As the speaker paused for needed breath Blandina clasped her hands andsithed out, "Oh, what glorious eloquence! I never hearn anything likeit!"

And I sez, "I never did but once, I know that voice, though I hain'thearn it for twenty years; that is Prof. Aspire Todd. " And I thought tomyself, he is practicin' over a speech, and thought the Esquimeaux wouldstand it better than tribes less humble and good natered. And so itturned out; he hoped he would be invited to speak at a scientificmeetin' to take place in Festival Hall in a day or two, and bein' to theInside Inn he'd tried to orate his speech in his own room, but it isbuilt so shammy you can hear things from one end to the other, and theythreatened him with horse whippin' on one side and lynchin' on theother, and bein' drove to it he tried it on the Esquimeauxs. They stoodit pretty well, though I noticed one or two on 'em weepin' bitterly, notknowin' what ailed 'em. 

Well, to resoom backward, I sez to Blandina, "I hearn Aspire Todd at aFourth of July celebration in Josiah's sugar bush. "

"Oh, " sez Blandina, claspin' her hands, "would it be possible for you tointroduce me to that noble being?"

Sez I, "You like his talk then?"

"Oh, yes!" sez she, shutting her eyes and clasping her hands. "Hismatchless eloquence is beyond praise. "

"So 'tis, " sez I, "way beyond my praise. But I can introduce you if youwant me to; he visited me that time he wuz in Jonesville and stayed tosupper. " So as he come round the corner of the buildin' follered by somebewildered lookin' natives I put out my hand and sez, "I don't know asyou know me, Professor Aspire Todd, but you visited me in Jonesville. Iam Josiah Allen's wife. "

He grasped my hand almost warmly and sez, "Indeed my memory retroactsreadily on that delightsome remembrance. "

And then I introduced Blandina, knowin' I wuz makin' her perfectly happyby so doin'. He'd growed old considerable, which I didn't blame him forand didn't see as he could help it, twenty years havin' gone by. Hishair, which wuz still long and hung down over his turn-down collar, wuzstreaked with gray. But he still had the same kind of a curious, sentimental, high-flown look to him. 

I didn't admire his looks, but Blandina's manners to him wuz worshipful, and it seemed to agree with him first rate, he seemed really to take toher. And as he asked to accompany and go with us to the next exhibit, Ifell in with it, and when my pardner come walked ahead with him whileProfessor Todd follered with a perfectly blissful Blandina, and beforethey parted he arranged a rondevoo next day with Blandina. 

I wuz beat out when I got home and Miss Huff sent Aunt Pheeny up to myroom with a glass of hot lemonade and some crackers, supper not bein'quite ready owin' to shiftless works in the kitchen. Molly wuz in myroom also sweet as a June rosy. Aunt Tryphena wuz quiverin' withexcitement, and she sez, "Lazy, good for nothin' things! but it hain'twhat they _do_ that I mind but it is their iggorance I despise. "

Sez Molly, "If they are ignorant you ought to overlook it, Aunt Pheeny. "

[Illustration]

"Overlook it!" sez she, turnin' an' facin' us with her hands on herportly hips. "I hain't used to no such trash. When anybody has livedwith the highest nobility they can't stomach such low down niggers. Why, I used to have 'em kneelin' at my feet, four or five at a time, askin'what I'd have for dinner. And that poor, iggorent, low-down cook in thekitchen told me jest now I lied about Prince Arthur, that there neverwuz such a prince, and I sez to her, 'How any black nigger can standmakin' bakin' powder biscuit and tell such lies is a mystery to me. '"

"Well, you know Princes are not common in this country, " sez I. 

She drew herself up more hautily, "Such a Prince as that hain't commonin no country! Why he's so handsome and good the very birds in the treeswill stop singin' to listen to his talk, and the grass turn brightergreen where he's stepped on it, and the May-flowers peek up and blushwith happiness if he looks at 'em. "

"How come you to leave him, Aunt Pheeny, if he wuz so perfect?"

"I tole you before, " sez she with dignity, "that when he went off toschool I wuzn't in no ways bound to stay with ole Miss. She wuz jealous, you know, jealous of me. Prince Arthur made more of me, we used to singtogether, you know I've sung in Concorts and Operations, been a star in'em. Ole Miss couldn't sing no more than a green frog. And he alwayssaid when he got married I wuz to live with him, that nachully sot uphis Ma's back, and I santered off one day, never tole her I wuz goin', but jest lifted up my train, I wore long pink and blue satin dressesthen, and I jest santered out the house over to Californy and Asia andso on to Chicago, and then hired out to Miss Dotie's ma. And here I is!"sez she firmly, and took up the empty tray and departed. 

She wuz a good singer, her voice full of the sweetness and heartsearchin' pathos of her race. And her wild flights of imagination neverhurt anyone but herself. 

Well, after supper, which they called dinner, I felt considerablebetter. Josiah stayed down in the parlor talkin' to Grandpa Huff andBilly, and Molly come up in my room agin and sot with me, whilsttwilight let down her soft gray mantilly round us and pinned it to theearth with silver stars (metafor). 

I always take it as a great compliment when folks confide the deepestsecrets of their heart to me. And Id'no why it is, but they most alwaysdo; I mean them that I take to nachully. Sometimes I've felt first rateby it and spozed it wuz because I had such a noble riz up look to myface. But Josiah sez it is because I have such a soft look that folksthink they can pour their griefs into me and they will sink in, somelike water into cotton battin, and they can lose sight of their sorrowsfor a spell and relieve 'em some. Well, Id'no which it is, but'tennyrate as Molly sot there with me lookin' as wan and pale as a whiterose on a cold November evenin' she told me the whole story, hid fromher own folks but revealed unto a Samantha. 

Josiah may say what he's a mind to, but I believe it is the naturalnobility of my linement that drawed it from her. While she wuz awayvisitin' this school chum in a southern city she met a young chaphandsome as Appolyan, I knew from what she said, and so talented andgifted, I could see in a minute they had fell in love voylently from thevery first time they met, and day by day the attraction growed till theywuz completely wropped up in each other. She said he seemed to worshipher. 

But strange, strange thing! with all the love he showed her, in everyword and act, he left her without a word, only a sort of a wild notesaying he could not endure the wretchedness of seeing a heaven so nearthat he could not hope to enter, and after that silence, deep, dark andonbroken silence and despair. "And my heart is broken!" sez she, as shelaid her pretty head in my lap sobbin' out, "What shall I do! Oh, whatshall I do!"

She wep' and cried and cried and wep', and I wep' with her, my snowyhandkerchief held in one hand, the other hand tenderly caressin' thebowed head in my lap. But as she said the word Silence it brung upsunthin' I had read that very day, and I sez:

"Dear, did you ever hear of enterin' into the Silence?"

"Yes, " sez Molly, liftin' her tear wet, sweet face, "I have a friend whoenters into the Silence for hours, and she says that everything shegreatly desires and asks for at that time, is given her. She calls itthe New Thought. "

"And I call it the Old Thought, Molly, older than the creation of man. And what they call Entering into the Silence, I call Waiting on theLord. And what I call prayer, they, from what I read, most probable callwaking up the solar plexus, whatever that may be. But it don't make muchdifference what a thing is called, the name is but a pale shadowcompared to the reality. Disciples of the New Thought, ChristianScientists, Healers, Spiritualists, etc. , are, I believe, reaching outand feeling for the Light as posies growin' in a dark suller send outlittle pale shoots huntin' for the sunlight. And so I feel kinder softand meller towards the hull caboodle on 'em though I can't foller alltheir beliefs. 

"For I, as a member of the M. E. Meetin' house, call this greatbeneficient over-rulin' Power that sot the world spinnin' on itsaxletrees and holds it up, lest it dashes aginst the planets, anddirects the flight of the tiny bird fleeing before the snows; thisMighty Force that controls us from the cradle to the grave, but which wecannot see no more than we can see His servants, the cold and wind thatfreezes us or the warmth and love that blesses us. This Power, thatwhether we scoff or pray, holds us all in the hollow of His mighty hand, I call God the Father, Son and Holy Guest, and believe it once tookmortal shape and dwelt with humanity to uplift and bless it. And thatlove, that torture, crucifixion and death could not slay still yearnsover this sad old world, still as the comforting Guest makes its home inhuman hearts that love and trust. "

Molly sot still with her pretty head leaning aginst me and I went on, "In the story of His life and death, that volume that holds the wisdomof the old and ripened glory of the new, that holy book sez, 'He thatdwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under shadowof the Almighty. '

"What a place to abide in, Molly, the shadow of the All Loving, the AllMighty one, a shadow that casts glowing light instead of darkness likeour earthly shadows, a pure white light in which, lookin' through theeye-glass of faith we can read the meanin' of all the sorrows andperplexities and troubles he permits us to endure, and find every wordon 'em gilt edged with glory. 

"Spiritualists, Christian Healers, etc. , may name this what they will. Disciples of the New Thought may call it the Silence, but I shall keepright on callin' it the Secret Place of the Most High. And He whoinhabits that sacred place has promised that if you reverently andobediently enter and dwell therein and trust in Him, He will give youthe desire of your heart. 

"So all you've got to do, Molly, is to do as he tells you to, obey andtrust Him jest as the child trusts his pa, and asks him for what hewants most, you must ask Him for the desire of your heart, and if it isbest for you, dear, He will bring it to pass. "

"Do you think so?" sez she, brightenin' up more'n considerable. 

"No, I don't think so. I _know_ it. "

Well, them consolin' words, for thought is a _real thing_, and I jestwropped her round with my tenderness and compassion, I guess theycomforted her some, 'tennyrate she promised me sweetly that she wouldobey and trust, and I felt considerable better about her. 

I wuz sorry for her as sorry as I could be, but I had a strong feelin'inside of my heart (mebby some wise, sweet angel whispered it to me)that everything would come out right in the end, and Molly would git thedesire of her heart. 

She's belonged to the meetin' house for years. But sometimes members gitsome shock that jars 'em and sends 'em out of the narrer road for quitea spell and they git kinder lost gropin' through the dark shadders ofearthly disappointment and sorrow. Nothin' but the light that streamsdown from above can pierce them glooms, and I knowed by the sweet lightthat lit up Molly's linement that her face wuz turned in the rightdirection and she wouldn't look sideways, behind or before, but wouldseek for light and help from above. 

CHAPTER XII. 

Well, for the next week we had a busy time, goin' to the Fair most everyday, sometimes all together, but not stayin' together long, for mostalways we'd meet Professor Todd somewhere and he and Blandina would pairoff together (I jest as willin' as anybody ever wuz). 

Molly had a young schoolmate who lived in St. Louis, and sometimes theywould spend the day together at some reception or other. But most of thetime Josiah and I paid our two attentions to the Fair stiddy, atravelin' about and seein' all we could. 

And one mornin' Josiah asked me before breakfast, jest as cool as if hewuz proposin' a glass of lemonade with ice in it, if I didn't want to goto Jerusalem that mornin'. 

Jerusalem! City of our Lord! Oh, my soul, think on't! As he said thewords I looked at him and then some distance through him and beyond, andentirely onbeknown to myself I begun to hum over that old him:

"Jerusalem the golden, with milk and honey blest, Beneath thy contemplation sink heart and soul oppressed. We know not, oh, we know not what joys await us there. "

And Josiah broke in and sung the last line with me (or what he calledsingin'). 

"What radiancy of glory, what bliss beyond compare. "

But I knowed that singin' that time of day would be apt to drawattention, specially as Josiah's singin' wuz very base and my sulferinohain't what it wuz, and I hastened to say:

"Yes, Josiah, I want to go. "

Breakfast wuz kinder late that mornin', and little Dorothy come into myroom, she slep' jest acrost from us, and she begun to tell me to onceabout a meetin' she'd been to the night before with Aunt Pheeny. And tomake talk with her I asked her what the text wuz, and she sez:

"Jesus the quilt. "

Josiah wuz horrified, and it did sound bad, and he begun to reprimandher sharp, but I sez:

"Tell me all about it, Dotie. "

And come to find out, it wuz "Jesus the Comforter, " and her littlebedspread wuz sometimes called a quilt and sometimes a comforter. And Itold Josiah how necessary it wuz not to condemn children beforesearching into their motives. But Dotie wuz evidently thinkin' about thesermon she had hearn so lately, and she went on to ask, "Was Jesus aJew?"

And I sez, "Yes, dear. "

"Why, " sez she, "I always thought Dod wuz a Presbyterium. "

That wuz her Aunty Huff's persuasion, which she nachully thoughtcouldn't be improved on. 

Dotie had a little straw hat on that time o' day and I asked her what itwuz for, and she sez, "Oh, I carry my papers in it, I'm writin' a book. "

Grandpa Huff always carried papers in his hat, and she copied him. Iasked her what her book wuz about, and how she wuz gittin' on with itand she said:

"It wuz about a lady, a buggler and a ghost, and I've killed 'em all andthat's as fur as I've got. "

Killin' a ghost! a burglar and a heroine, I thought what a noble startfor a sensational novel. 

But the breakfast bell rung jest then, and I took the little warm handin mine and led her down to breakfast. 

Well, after breakfast Josiah and I sot out in good season for Jerusalem. 

Molly wanted to go to the British Building to see a school friend ofhern that she thought might be there, and Blandina offered to accompanyher. They wuz goin' to stop at a number of places on the way, and weagreed to meet at noon sharp at the English Building. 

We went into the walled city of Jerusalem by the Jaffa Gate, through atall arched entrance in the stun wall. Within wuz lots of carriages andhorses and camels and donkeys and men, wimmen and children, some instrange and startlin' costooms, but the first thing Josiah spoke on wuzthe name of a restaurant, "A Fast, " it wuz over a door clost by. 

"A fast, " sez he, "that don't look very encouragin' in a eatin' house. If it wuz Brek Fast it would look more hopeful. "

"You've had your breakfast, Josiah, and a good one. Don't be thinkin' ofvittles so much in such a place as this. "

"I shall think of what I'm a minter, and you can't break it up, mom!"

Truly he spoke the truth; I could cling to his arm, drink out of thesame cup, set in the same chair, lay my head on the same piller, andyet, he might be millions of milds from me in sperit, 'round with otherwimmen for all I knew. Queer, hain't it?

Yes, he wuz thinkin' of food right here in this Holy City. As for me, aperfect troop of lofty emotions wuz sweepin' through my mind, as Ilooked 'round me on the very same seen our Lord had looked at. Lowold-fashioned stun housen such as He might have entered in, men andwimmen clad in long robes such as He wore. 

And to think of seein' the Via Dolorosa, the Way of Sorrows, that Hewalked, carryin' the agony of humanity, and the pityin' compassion ofdivinity. 

And the Nine Stations of the Cross where our Lord stopped to rest onthat bitter journey, toiling up the steep hill carrying up the heavycross and the woes and sins of the world, awful! beautiful Calvary!sacred, heart-breaking, holy place. How my soul burnt within me thinkin'of all this as I stood in the Holy City. 

And there wuz the Tower of David, the Shepherd king. I always likedDavid, though I could advised him for his good in lots of things. Hedidn't do right by Ury, and he ortn't to had so many wives, if he'dscrimped himself a little in 'em, mebby his son, Solomon, wouldn't hadso many, and one is enough, as I told Josiah. 

"Yes, " sez he with intense conviction in his tone. "One wife is enoughfor any man, heaven knows, and anybody that hankers after more than oneis a fool!"

I didn't really like his axent; he'd been layin' it up, I guess what Isaid about vittles, but I didn't mind it. 

And we went through the different quarters of the city. The littlestores and bazars by the side of the street wuz full of real nice thingsto sell, rich Eastern woven goods, embroideries, cushions, curtains, rugs, lamps, jewels, ornaments, trinkets of all kinds, etc. , etc. Thereis more than a hundred of these little booths and stores in Jerusalem, and all full of handsome things. I loved to look at 'em, though Josiahtried to draw me away. 

Sez he, "You don't want to buy here; you can do as well agin inJonesville tradin' off your butter and eggs, and probable git a chromothrowed in. "

I didn't argy, but I bought a string of beads for Tirzah Ann and a pipefor Thomas J. , the wood of which growed on the Mount of Olives, so theman said. 

I told Josiah they would prize 'em high havin' come from Jerusalem. 

And he said, "They never see Jerusalem, " he said they wuz growed over inNew Jersey, and when I asked him how he knew, he said he re_cog_nizedthe berries and the grain of the wood. 

But he couldn't no such thing, and I presoom the man told considerabletruth. And we see Rabbis, Turkish cavalry, common people livin' in thequeer little housen jest as they did in Jerusalem, and the priests goin'through their religious ceremonies jest the same. And we went throughthe Citadel and the different public buildin's. 

There wuz lots of wimmen and girls on the streets, some on 'em sellin'posies for charity, I bought two little bunches, one on 'em I put inJosiah's buttonhole, though he objected and said it would probable maketalk for a man of his age and dignity to be trimmed with flowers. 

They wuz real pretty girls, with white veils on over their dark hair, their lustrous eyes lookin' out at us as they might have looked at thePostles. 

And there wuz cunnin' little donkeys that anybody could ride if theywanted to, and camels with gorgeous trappings kneelin' down ready forfolks to mount and be carried 'round the streets. Josiah stood ready topay the ten cents apiece to give us the pleasure of a ride. 

But I declined the treat. I sez, "We don't ride the old mair hoss backto home, and I don't hanker after bein' histed up onto a camel's hump, or to see you in that perilous poster. "

He said he'd love to tell the bretheren we'd rid 'em, but seein' I wuzsot agin it he gin up. 

The streets smell bad and are so narrer I don't see how they wouldmanage if two buggies met; one would have to back out, they couldn't gitby each other. 

The old Roman barracks are bare and dreary lookin', but dretfulinterestin' to me for there our Lord stood to be judged by Caesar like alamb before the shearer, and he said, "I wash my hands of this matter, Ifind no fault in this man. "

I wish Caesar had had more gumption. His wife could see furder aheadthan he could. But that is often the case, as I tell Josiah. 

And we went through St. John's Hospice, and the Mosque of Omar. That isa monstrous big building with a great round dome on top, two broadflights of steps lead up into it, we clumb the nighest one and wentinside. The high dome is lined with colored mosaic, and looksfirst-rate, but I didn't pay much attention to that for right underneaththe centre is an exact reproduction of the rock where Abraham offered upIsaac, or got ready to. How Love and Duty tugged at Abraham's heart andmost tore it into as he stood there, and what faith he had. It isheart-breakin' to think on't, though it all come out right in the end, as the hardest things will if we cling to Duty. 

But Josiah wuz gittin' worrisome and wanted to go, but I sez, "Josiah, Imust see Solomon's Temple. "

It wuz quite a few steps away, but I didn't begrech the time or journey, and jest as we wuz goin' up the steps, who should we meet comin' out butJane Olive Perkins (_nay_ Gowdey) once a Jonesvillian, but now livin' inChicago, but visitin' her old home and relation quite often. 

She wuz dressed beautiful, her neck and bosom sparklin' with diamonds. Idon't approve of such dressin' in the street, but Jane Olive wuz alwaysshowy. 

She held out both hands in joyful greetin' (the meanin' of which Imistrusted afterwards). We talked about the splendor of the Fair and ourown two healths, and the Jonesvillians, and then she sez:

"I am so delighted to meet you, Josiah Allen's wife, for I know you willwant to give to a noble cause I am workin' for, you and dear Mr. Allen. It is a cause that ort to be first in every feelin' heart, and I knewyou'd give liberal. "

I'd forgot my portmoney that mornin' and didn't want right there inSolomon's Temple to dicker with Josiah for money, I knowed it would makehim fraxious. And I wuz havin' such a lot of lofty emotions there atJerusalem, I didn't want to bring 'em down by havin' words with mypardner. And I knowed too that "dear Mr. Allen" would be apt to say hashthings that would bring him down in Jane Olive's estimation, he's soclost and he never liked her to begin with. 

So I said I couldn't very well stop and tend to it right there inSolomon's Temple, and she asked me for my address and told me she shouldcome and see me. She wuz stayin' at a big tarven not so very fur fromMiss Huff's, and said she'd brought her orto and shuffler with her fromChicago. 

Well, she bid us a tender adoo, sayin' the last thing "_owe Revwah_, " orsunthin' like that and Josiah sez to me:

"Who's she twittin' us on? I don't owe nobody by that name, nor neverdid, not a cent, I'm a man that pays my debts. "

And I sez, "Dear Josiah, nobody that knows you can dispute it. "

Jane Olive kinder smiled and passed on, and I'dno but in Fancy I and thepublic may as well set down on the steps of Solomon's Temple, and I'lltell about who Jane Olive Perkins wuz. She wuz Jane Olive Gowdey, andmarried Samuel Perkins, old Eliphilet Perkinses second boy, and folksthought she done mizable when she married him. Sam hadn't been put towork much bein' sort o' weakly so his folks thought, he looked kinderpeaked. 

But I spoze Sam enjoyed pretty good health all the time onbeknown to hisfolks and wuz kinder savin' up his strength, layin' it up as you may sayfor the time o' need, so he had it all when he wuz married. A masterhand he wuz to save things and make 'em count. For all he never did anywork to speak on, he had more proppity laid up than any of the Perkinsboys when he wuz married, he had saved so and sort o' speculated andlaid up. 

He wuz kinder mean too, runnin' after wimmen at that time, thoughonbeknown to Jane Olive or his folks, but it come out afterwards, he wuzawful sly. When he married Jane Olive Gowdey that wuz a surprise too, for Bill, the oldest boy, wanted her the worst way and everybody spozedthey wuz engaged. A good creeter Bill wuz, virtuous as Joseph, or any ofthe old Bible Patriarchs, and virtuouser than lots of 'em. 

But Sam, in jest that way of hisen, laid low and sort o' did the best hecould with what he had to do with, sort o' speculated and increased herlikin' for him on the sly (mean fellers will git ahead of good ones fivetimes out of ten, wimmen are so queer). And lo and behold! the firstJonesville knew they up and got married. 

They moved to a big city where Sam got a chance to travel for a grocerystore, and Jane Olive opened a inteligence office, where for an ampleconsideration she furnished incompetent help to distracted housekeepers, receivin' pay from both victims, and they laid up money fast. Then hewent into pork and first we knew Sam wuz a very rich man, lived in greatstyle, kep' his carriage, but wuz awful mean, so we heard, hadn't nomorals at all to speak on so fur as wimmen wuz concerned, and we hadhearn that Jane Olive not bein' over and above happy in marriage, andforgittin' to all appearance she had ever dickered with mistress andmaid, wuz tryin' her best to work her way in among the aristockracy, shewuz dretful ambitious and so wuz Sam, they wanted to go with the first. 

She did everything she could to foller their example, she dressed up insatin and diamonds and trailed 'round to theatres and operas and hungover dry goods counters, and kep' her maid and coachman and butler, orthat's what folks say, I don't even know what a butler is expected todo, or Josiah don't. "Butler, " sez I when I hearn on't, "I can't imaginewhat a butler duz. "

And Josiah sez, "A coachman is to coach, and a waiter is to wait, and abutler must be to buttle. "

Sez I, "Buttle what? Or who? Or when?" But he couldn't tell. Well, Samhe did everything to git into the first and be fashionable, he embezzleda lot, broke down two or three times with enormous profit to himself, spent his money like water, wuz jest as mean as he could be, went overto Europe now and then, did everything he could do to be fashionable andact like a man of the world, and finally he led astray a little girlthat lived with 'em, a motherless little girl they had took, pretty as apink too, and affectionate dispositioned. Jane Olive turned heroutdoors, of course, when she found it out. It wuz in the fall of theyear, and the night before Christmas the girl with her baby in her armsjumped into the river and wuz drownded. 

Her father had some spunk and took Sam up, but he wuz always sly andlooked ahead, and he proved that she wuz a day or two older than the ageof consent, and he got let off triumphant and her father had to pay thecost, besides the funeral expenses, and grave stun. 

Such smartness riz Sam up considerable amongst his mates and he wuz sentto Congress most immegiately afterwards, and it wuz owin' to hispowerful arguments that the age of consent wuz lowered a year or two; Ibelieve he brought it down to about ten years. He wuz thought a sight onby his genteel male friends, so they say, he worked so powerful fortheir interest. He brought down the licenses on saloons and bad housen asight, and made almost Herculanean efforts to have saloons scatteredbroadcast through the country without _any_ license to pay. I spozethere never wuz a more popular statesman. He worked too hard though, andhad to retire to more private life to reap the fruits of his efforts. And he kep' right on, so they say reapin' 'em ever since, cuttin' up andactin', but always actin' jest inside the law and always cuttin' up thesame. 

He had the gift of gab and he made eloquent public speeches, tellin'what boons saloons and kindred places wuz to the community. I spozethere never wuz a more popular legislator. 

But, of course, such high honors cast dark shadders, and one night afterhe'd made a powerful speech at the openin' of a saloon he owned, a oldone made over into gorgeous beauty, he got a good hoss whippin', and bysome wimmen too. 

Perkins had made a great speech himself and wantin' to show off to theworld that it wuz real respectable (they had this saloon kinder gradedoff, weaker drinks in one place leadin' up gradual to brandy andwhiskey), he got a minister, a well-meanin' man, so I hearn, who made aprayer and then they all sung the Doxology:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow--

Askin' God to bless what He'd cursed. What must God thought on't! For Heand they well knew all the sin and pain, poverty and crime that flowedout of saloons, the ontold losses and danger to community, thebrutality, fights, murders, crimes of all kinds. 

Praise Him all creatures here below--

When that minister knowed the stuff he wuz dedicatin' rendered allcreeters here below, no matter how smart they wuz nachully, incapable oftellin' whether they wuz on their head or their heels, blessin' orcussin'. When a man is drunk as a fool how can he praise anything? It isall he can do to navigate his own legs within' and weavin' along underhim, ready to crumple down any minute into the gutter. He'd look welltryin' to sing gospel hims when he can't tell what his own name is, orspeak it if he could. 

Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts

Why, I don't see how they dasted to sing that when they knowed that theHeavenly Host couldn't have flowed through such places without bein'liable to git their feathers pulled out in some of the drinkin' carousesheld there. As liable agin for their pure eyes must be dimmed withtears, tears for the eighty thousand victims turned out yearly fromthese resorts. Innocent youth changed to reckless wickedness, noblemanhood turned to brutes falling from honorable places in society downinto drunkards' loathsome lives, drunkards' dishonored graves. 

How could these pityin' sperits help weepin' over it? And the long, agonized procession follerin' on--pale, wretched mothers, once happywives, now hungry, broken-hearted wrecks, with pinched, starved childrenclingin' to their ragged skirts. The idee of askin' this pure heavenlyHost to praise God for what brought all this to pass!

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. 

Why, I believe that Satan himself, though he loved to see the work goon, would be ashamed to sing the Doxology there. I don't believe you'dketch him at it, for he is so smart he would see in a minute how itwould look to praise God for such a place as that when he had saidplain:

"Cursed is he that putteth the cup to his neighbor's lips. "

And Satan knowed jest as well as Josiah and I and the world did, thatsaloons wuz made a purpose for this. 

"And no drunkard hath eternal life. " And that minister wuz ordained tohelp people attain that life, not to help 'em lose it. 

I don't see what he wuz thinkin' on. Of course, the top of the longslippery descent to ruin is quite cheerful lookin', lit up with falselights, hollow mirth, false hopes and dreams lurin' the victims on anddown. But he knowed how slippery it wuz, how impossible it wuz forordinary men to stand up when they got to slidin' down. He knew thatnothin' but God's grace wuz strong enough to reach down and haul 'em upagin to level ground. 

A few men are so strong-footed they can grip on and stay 'round the topfor some time, and I presoom this minister, bein' a good-natered manwould been glad to had 'em all hung on there, but he must have knowedthey wouldn't and couldn't. He'd seen 'em leggo thousands and thousandsevery year, he knowed what made 'em fall. And he might jest as well madea prayer and sung a hymn over a murderer's knife, because he wanted itto cut bread but knowed it would and did murder, as to done this. 

For no matter what he wanted he knowed intemperance is evil and onlyevil. And pattin' a pizen viper and callin' it "angel" and singin' theDoxology over it hain't goin' to change its nater, its nater is tosting, and its bite is death. 

And the God they dasted to invoke said of the drink the place wuz madeto sell, "It biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder, " and theend thereof is death. 

I don't know what that good man could be thinkin' on to dast. But thenas long as our Government opholds it, I spoze he thought he might. 

But I wish I'd been there to told him how it wuz goin' to look to me andJosiah and the world, and what slurs wuz goin' to be cast onto thesacred cause of religion by it. 

I couldn't tell him what harm it wuz goin' to do; no, eternity is nonetoo soon to count that up. Awful waves of influence sweepin'along--sweepin' along clear from to-day to the Day of Judgment; I can'tbear to think on't; I'm kinder sorry for him, and am glad enough ithain't my Josiah that has got that ahead on him. I wish he'd ondo nowwhat he's done as fur as he can, he'd feel better, I believe, I knowthat I and the meetin' house would and Josiah. 

But, 'tennyrate, no matter how Satan wuz laughin' and sneerin' andangels bendin' down from the gold bars of Heaven lookin' through theirpityin' tears hopin' it must be a mistake, not believin' it possiblethat them prayers and hims could come from a man-killin' saloon. Andcoverin' their eyes with their droopin' wings when they found it wuzso--they sung it through and the minister, for he wuz a stiddy man, wenthome in good season. And Perkins also started home walkin' afoot, it wuzso little ways. 

And as I said, some wimmen sot on him and hoss-whipped him. Some ofthese wimmen's husbands had been ruined and killed by the Poor Man'sClub. And there wuz some mothers whose little boys of seven and eighthad been coaxed with brandy-soaked candy into another saloon Perkinsowned. For this saloonkeeper had boasted, Perkins backin' him, thatmoney spent enticin' the young and innocent to drink, whilst they wuzeasily influenced, wuz money well spent. 

For of course, as good calculators, they had to in the interest of theirprofession provide new recruits to take the place in the staggerin'ranks of the hundred thousand they annually killed off. And thissaloonkeeper, helped on by Perkins, had the name of the most active boyand girl ruiner among the thousands in the city, though they all did aflourishin' bizness. 

Two or three of Perkins' saloons made a specialty of sellin' drink togirls, and their mothers who lay their heads on their pillows at nightand found 'em like thorns and fire under their heads, thinkin' of thepretty warm-hearted girls who had to be away from mother's care to earntheir livin', out to service and in manufactories and elsewhere. Andsome rich mothers, whose girls wuz away to school----

These mothers thinkin' what a weak thing a girl's will wuz when drinkhad drownded out the small self-control they had, and youthful passionand temptation urgin' 'em on, and the company Perkins nachully drawed'round him. 

These mothers whose boys and girls wuz like pieces of their own hearts, and these wives in the grief made recklessness of despair, made a hashvow that they would break up Perkinses saloons or die in the attempt, sothey sot on him that night and gin him good drubbin'. 

But they couldn't do much, for the police, of course, horrified by theironparalelled and onprovoked crime, hustled the wimmen off to jail, andescorted Perkins home with honor. But to resoom backwards. 

I will git up (in fancy) from the steps of Solomon's Temple and go onin. 

This is a complete copy of the magnificent temple built by Solomon, thewisest man in the world. Though like all wise men he had his foolishstreaks, seven hundred wives is too many for one man to git along with, I should told him so if I had lived neighbor to him. I'd say:

"Mr. Solomon, if you have the name of knowin' so much show yoursmartness by gittin' rid of six hundred and niney-nine on 'em; keep jestone, pick her out, take your choice, but discharge the rest. Set 'em upin dressmakin' or millionary or sunthin' to git a livin' by, and settledown peaceable with one. " Mebby he'd hearn to me and mebby not, men areso sot in their way. 

But to resoom. Here we stood in that splendid temple which was thewonder of the world, and see the tabernacle the old Hebrews carried with'em through the parted waves of the Red Sea and their journeyin'sthrough the wilderness for forty years, led by the pillow of fire. 

What feelin's I had as I looked on it and meditated, what riz upfeelin's them old four fathers that carried it must have had, and themthat follered on, led as they wuz by heavenly light, fed by heavenlyfood. How could they acted as they did, rambelous often and often, wanderin' from the right road, but still not gittin' away from theDivine care. 

And there wuz a picture forty feet long, as long as our barn, showingthe old Hebrews encamped before Mount Sinai, where Moses received theLaw that rules the world to-day (more or less). Heaven drawin' so nighto earth that hour that its light fallin' on Moseses face made it tooglorious for mortal eyes to look on. 

And I'dno but one of them mountains we see wuz where Moses stood afterhis forty years journey, castin' wishful eyes onto the Promised Land, not bein' able to enter in because of some past error and ignorance. AndI thought, as I stood there, how many happy restin' places we plan andtoil for and then can't enter in and possess through some past error andmistake caused by ignorance as dense as Moseses ignorance. What a lot ofemotions I had thinkin' this, and how on top of another mount the greatprophet and law-giver wuz not, for God took him. 

I wuz lost and by the side of myself, but Josiah's voice reached me upin the realm of Reverie and brought me back. 

"What ails you, Samantha? Do you lay out to stand here all day?" And Itore myself away. 

Well, there wuz movin' pictures describin' the Holy Land and we see 'emmove, and dissolvin' views of the same and we see 'em dissolve, and atlast Josiah got so worrisome I had to go on with him. We laid out tostop to Japan and France, they bein' right on our way, and I sez, "Wemight as well stop at Morrocco. " For as I told Josiah, while we wuztravelin' through foreign countries we might as well see what we couldof the people, their looks and habits. 

But he sez to once, "You don't want to buy any Morrocco shues, Samantha, they don't wear nigh so well as calf-skin and cost as much agin. " Andsez he, "We won't have more than time to go through Japan and France anddo justice to 'em. " So we went on. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

The Japan exhibit is on a beautiful hill south of Machinery Palace. There are seven large buildin's besides the small pagodas and all filledwith objects of interest. It seems as if the hull kingdom of Japan musthave taken hold to make this display what it is. And how they could doit with a big war goin' on in their midst is a wonder, and shows beyendwords what wonderful people the Japans are. 

There are two kinds of exhibits, one by the allied business interests orGovernment and the other by individuals. But they all seem to work inharmony, havin' but one idee, to show off Japan and her resources to thebest advantage, and the display wuz wonderful, from a royal pavilion, rich in the most exquisite and ornate decorations down to a small bit ofcarving that mebby represented the life long labor of some onknownworkman. 

In the Transportation Buildin' is a map one hundred feet long, showingthe transportation facilities of the Empire, a perfect network ofrailways and telegraph and telephone wires, showin' they have other waysof gettin' 'round there besides man-carts and jinrikshas, yes, indeed!it is a wonder what they have done in that direction in fifty years. 

The postal exhibit shows they delivered eight hundred and sixteenmillion pieces of mail last year, and every post-office has a bank, theschool children have deposited in them eleven millions. I wish ourcountry would do as well. The exhibit of the steamships show jest asmuch enterprise, and how world-wide is their commerce. The saloon of oneof the steamships is a dream of beauty and luxury. 

The Temple of Nikko is ornamented by wonderful carving in catalpa, chrysantheums, etc. , and in it in glass cases are the most beautifulspecimens of their embroidery, tapestry, pottery. One pair of vases areworth ten thousand dollars. As you leave this Temple you see on eachside the finest specimens of Japanese art, painted and embroideredscreens, all kinds of metal, laquear and ivory work; exquisite vases andpriceless old delft wear, and there is a model Japanese house, you feelthat you'd love to live in it. There is one spring room in it that holdsthe very atmosphere of spring. The tapestry and crape hangings areembroidered with cherry blossoms, its one picture is a sweet springlandscape. Low green stools take the place of stuffy chairs and sofas. And there wuz an autumn room, autumn leaves of rich colors wuz woven inthe matting and embroidered in the hangings, the screens and walls whitewith yellow chrysantheums. 

Then there wuz a gorgeous Japan room with walls of exquisitely carvedlaquear wood, massive gilt furniture, rich embroidered silk hangings, and the ceiling wuz a beautifully carved flowery heaven with angelsflying about amidst the flowers. This one room cost forty-five thousanddollars. 

And we see lovely embroidered cloths, porcelain, shrines, urns, cabinets, chairs all wrought in the highest art, silks of everydescription, and sights and sights of it. Fans, parasols, lanterns, fireworks of all kinds, mattings, straw goods, cameras, etc. , etc. 

In the mining display is a model of one of their copper mines, and yousee they have the largest furnace in the world, and they not only mineon land but under the sea, it beats all how them Japanese do go ahead. There are tall gold and silver bars showing how much they have mined inthese metals. 

Their educational exhibit shows the same wonderful energy andadvancement. There is a compulsory educational law and twenty-two percent. Of the children attend school. There are schools for the blind, deaf and feeble-minded, and a display of all their excellent methods ofeducation, from kindergarten to the imperial university. 

In the Palace of Electricity on a map thirty feet high and twenty-fivefeet wide, you see pictures of Japan's great engineering work, Lake BiwaCanal, connecting the Lake with Kioto. Irrigating, electricity making, electrical apparatus invented by them, they have nearly twenty-fivethousand telephones, long and short distance. 

In the tea exhibit you see everything relating to this beverage, teahouses, experimental farms and over one hundred different kinds of teaare shown. Rice is shown in every stage of its growth, tobacco, fruit, canned goods. 

You can enter the Forestry and Fish departments through a temple builtof twenty different kinds of wood. Here you see all the native forestwoods, bamboo takin' the lead. Their fish and their methods of fishingare shown off, charts of their fishing grounds and boats. The Japanesesection of the Palace of Fine Arts has the best samples of sculpture, painting and pottery. 

But the crownin' beauty of the Japanese display is the Enchanted Garden(well-named). A charmin' little lake lies in the midst of flower bedsand hedges, dotted by aquatic flowers. Beds of hydrangeas andchrysantheums and other bright flowers glow in the sunlight. A prettysummer house stands on a little island and bending over the water aredwarf pine trees brought from Japan. At one end is a waterfall, andthere is a pleasant tea house where pretty Japan girls serve tea on thebroad galleries. 

Beyend the lake you see a model Japanese house and not fur off is theheadquarters of the Japanese commission. Near the top of the hill is alarge pavilion made of wood and bamboo. It is used as a reception room, and here you see Japanese costooms from the earliest day to the present. Here are pictures of the Emperor and Empress. There is a display herealso of the Red Cross society, medical boxes of army and navy, etc. Thisis the only hint this courteous country gives of the great war going onat home that would stop the exhibit of most any other country. They area wonderful people and are making swift strides to the front in everydirection. I took sights of comfort here and so did Josiah. 

I said a big war would stop the exhibit of most every country--it hasstopped Russia--she don't have much show here to the Fair, they wantedto, and laid out to, but couldn't on account of havin' to go to war. Itis dretful busy this year, killin' off men, and sendin' out men all thetime to be killed, so of course, it can't devour the same time in morepeaceful occupations. 

I wuz really sorry, for I always liked the Zar. Of course, we don'tvisit back and forth, he havin' the misfortune to not live neighbor tous. But I always thought he wuz likely, real smart and good-natered, lovin' his wife and babies devotedly, settin' a splendid example in thisdirection to other high potentates who act and behave more or less. 

And his Peace Proclamation, like a tall white monument riz up for menand angels to admire. How its pure luminous light lit up this dark earthand streamed clear up to heaven, the blessed influence it shed abroadwuz so beneficient and divine. How much I and the hull world thoughton't. 

And here it is all broke to smash, for of course, it wuz right in hisway and he had to tromple on over it, he and the squadrons he called towar. 

I don't know exactly the right or wrong on't, it is hard sometimes tokeep track of ethics in a Jonesville quarrel, and when two big Empiresgit to cuttin' up and actin' and sassin', and dastin' each other to dothus and so, I can't be expected to know all the ins and outs of theirdispute. 

But I do know this, that the beautiful Peace Monument is smashed all topieces under the feet of the thousands and thousands of men sent out tomurder and be murdered, and it is doubtful to me if the Zar can evercontoggle it up agin to be as strong as it wuz before. You know he willnachully git his muscles and will and temper kinder stiff jinted leadin'the armies and gittin' so awful mad. 

But, there they be, these two great nations, Japan and Russia, sendin'out their peaceable and well-behaved sons by the thousands and hundredsof thousands to cut each other to-pieces, shoot, maim and murder eachother, for that is what war is, it is on purpose to kill men, thegreatest crime in the civil calendar. 

As I told Josiah one night to Miss Huff's, as I laid down a paper givin'the details of a bloody battle which wuz headed "A Great Victory. "

Victory! the idee! hundreds of men borne bleeding from the fieldsuffering tortures worse than death and every pang they felt twicesuffered by them that loved 'em, watching and waiting at home inagonized suspense, hundreds more layin' with their white, dead facesupturned to heaven as if in mute appeal and wonder that such a horror aswar could be in a world where the words of the gentle Christ had beenhearn. 

Sez I, "I can't understand it, Josiah, John Jones gits mad and kills oneman, a small boneded man too, and weakly, couldn't live long anyway, andJohn had been abused by him shameful and wuz dretful mad at him. Ahorrified state law clutches John Jones and kills him. Public Opinionsez good enough for John, it will keep other murderous-minded men at baymebby. 

"But I always loved justice, and if a king gits mad and kills or causesto be killed hundreds of thousands of men I can't see why he ifsuccessful should be admired for it, have a monument riz up to showforth his nobility and school boys be taught to emulate his greatness. "

Josiah said, "That wuz different, a war between nations wuz plannedahead, it wuzn't murder. "

"But, " sez I, "if John Jones had planned killin' his man he would githung the sooner. "

"Well, " sez Josiah, "great national quarrels has to be settled some way. Nations wouldn't go to war unless they wuz aggravated. "

Sez I, "John Jones wuz aggravated. Murders hain't generally planned orcommitted in class meetin's, and love feasts. "

"Well, " sez Josiah, scratchin' his head, "it is different. "

But I sez, "How different, Josiah, they are both murders. "

Sez Josiah, "I guess I'll go down to Grandpa Huff's room and borry theWorld. " But I kep' thinkin' on't after he left about war and what itwuz. Rivers of human blood flowin' through ruined countries, follered bythe horrible specters of pestilence, disease and famine, moral andfinancial ruin. Acres and acres of graves filled with forms once full ofthrobbing life and hope and dreams of future happiness, cut down likegrass before the mower. Wives, mothers, sisters, sweethearts see the sunof their life's joy go down in blackness, their heaven of love andhappiness changed into a hell of misery by somebody's quarrel, somebody's greed and ambition. How many of the common soldiers who makeup the great body of the army know or care about the right or wrong oftheir cause. They go into the fight like dumb-driven cattle, suffer anddie and make their loved ones die a hundred deaths jest because they arehired to do it, hired to murder their fellow men, jest as you would hirea man to cut down a grove of underbrush. They go out to this wholesaleslaughter to kill or be killed, to meet all the black awful influencesthat foller the armies, go gayly to the sound of bugle and drum. 

It is the common people who bleed and die, it is the hearts of thecommon people that are wrung; it is their wives and orphan children whohave to struggle along and strive and die, or live and suffer by thiscause. 

And who can tell the moral, physical and financial ruin, the sickenin'and terrible effects of evil habits formed there, the sin and woe thatlike a black cloud follers the army? The recordin' angel himself can'tdo the sum till the day of judgment, not till then can he add up thebroad, ever-widenin' effects of evil and sorrow that follers a great warand that shall go on and on till time shall be no more. 

Calm judicial eyes lookin' back at this problem from the happy days whenPeace and Love shall rule the world, from the era when Courts ofArbitration will settle national differences, will look back on thebloody godless warfare of to-day with more horrow than we do on theoncivilized doin's of our savage ancestors. 

It is strange, hain't it, to think eighteen centuries of Christianteaching hain't wiped the blood stains off the face of the earth, as itwould like to? Yes, indeed! our Lord's words are luminous with Charity, Peace and Love. But the vengeful black clouds of war sweep up betweenthe nations and the Sermon on the Mount and hides its words so theycan't, or don't heed 'em. 

And I d'no what's goin' to be done. I guess them that don't believe inwar must keep on givin' in their testimony, keep peggin' away at PublicOpinion and constant droppin' will wear away stun. 

But to resoom backwards. We stayed so long in Japan that I couldn'tdevote so much time to France as I wanted to, for they too had a finedisplay. The most beautiful exhibit we saw was the reproduction of theGrand Trienon, the favorite home of Napoleon, brought from allappearances from Versailles with its famous garden and sot down here inSt. Louis. 

There is a big central pavilion and on each side wings, each terminatingin a pavilion joined by tall marble columns. The ruff is surrounded by abalustrade ornamented by vases and beautiful statutes. The samebalustrade extends the hull length of the building below, five hundredand thirty-four feet. 

And below it stretches the beautiful garden, terraces, lake, fountains, statutes, rare flowers, shrubs and trees. Winding walks in which thegreat Conqueror might have walked with his brain teemin' with ambitiousplans. I didn't want to leave the garden it was so beautiful, but timewuz passin' and we went inside and went through room after room, eachone seemin'ly more beautiful than the one we had seen last. Thepicture-room wuz specially beautiful filled as it is with treasures ofFrench art. And all the rooms wuz gorgeous with tapestries, elaboratecarving, sculpture, painting, the most exquisite decorations of allkinds showing what a beauty and pleasure-loving race can gather about itof beauty and grandeur if it sets out to. 

And France shows off well also in manufactures, electricity, machinery, transportation, etc. All together this is the best exhibit she has evermade, and she has reason to be proud on't. 

England makes a good show in products and processes in every Expositionbuilding. In the Palace of Varied Industries she gives a model of one ofher charming country houses, a model indeed of comfort and luxury. 

Her national pavilion is built of red brick and stone and is areproduction of the Orangery, a building two hundred years old. It wuzQueen Ann's favorite home, and I didn't blame Ann a mite for lovin' it. As I walked through the beautiful and stately rooms I thought I wouldhave loved to neighbor with Ann and spend some time with her. 

The gardens outside are so beautiful you don't want to leave 'em, shadedavenues, terraces, flower beds, yew and box shrubs trained into shapesof lions and big birds. Josiah wuz entranced here, and as he stood lostin admiration of them green animals growin' right out of the ground, hesez:

"My first job in Jonesville is cut out, Samantha. "

As first chaperone I looked at him tenderly and sez, "Don't jar yourmind too much, Josiah, don't dwell on tuckerin' things. "

"But, " sez he, pintin' to the green form of the lion growin' right outof the ground, "do you see what a impressive and noble figger the oldmair is goin' to cut when Ury and I sculp her out of the pig-nose appletree? We can do it by odd jobs, and the apples hain't good for nothin'anyway. "

But I sez, "You can't prune apple trees into figgers, Josiah, it takesdifferent trees, and that is too big anyway. "

"That's a woman's way of talkin'; I want her in heroic size, she'sworthy on't. I expect, " he went on, "the road will be jest lined withJonesvillians, and we'l see 'em hangin' over the orchard fence lookin'on and admirin' the beautiful statter, I think I can see her now, headup, tail out, mane a flutterin'--you'll see, Samantha. "

"Oh, dear!" sez I, "I expect I will see more than I want to. "

But goin' on a little furder we see what put such vain and onpracticalidees out of his head. We wandered into a spot where there wuzold-fashioned flowers, such as grow in the green meadows and hedges ofold England, and there wuz some old wimmen wrinkled and gray, poorlyclad, lookin' at them daisies and cow-slips and laughin' and cryin' over'em. 

They wuz fur from the old home and the summer time of youth and love, ahalf century of years and dreary wastes of sea and land lay between 'em, but these cow-slip blows and daisies took them back to their youth andthe sunny fields they wandered in with the young lover whose eyes wuz asblue as the English violets, while their own cheeks wuz as rosy as thethorn flowers. 

When the hull world lay hid in a rosy mist, and they wuz the centre ofit, and life wuz new, and hope and happiness gilded the future, and theFairy land of America wuz beckonin' to 'em out of the rosy mist. 

Fifty years of dusty, smoky tenement life, hard work, child-birth, rearing children, toil, disappointment, pain--where wuz they? They hadall gone. They wuz eighteen agin; they wuz pickin' the rosy blooms inthe dear home land, and love wuz whisperin' to 'em that they wuz sweeterthan the flowers. 

I took out my snowy handkerchief and almost cried myself, the tears justrun down my face, and Josiah blowed his nose on his bandanna, and Ibelieve furtively wiped his eyes. But men never love to betray suchsentimental emotion, and most immegiately he asked me in a gruff tonefor a fried cake, and I handed him one absently and as one who dreams, and we went on and met the girls at the rondevoo appointed. 

I'd had my supper and wuz restin' in my room, Molly and Blandina hadgone for a walk accompanied by Billy Huff, and Josiah had gone down toset with grandpa Huff a spell, when Aunt Tryphena come in and said alady wuz there to see me; I asked her who it wuz, and she said:

"I don't know, but guess it is some 'big bug trash, ' 'tennyrate she comein a antymobile that stands to the door without hitchin'. "

I knowed in a minute it wuz Jane Olive Perkins and told her to bring herup to my room. And she entered with more than her usual gushin' warmthof manner, and told me the first thing that I grew better and youngerlookin' every year. 

But I kinder waved the idee off and told her, I didn't feel so young asI did twenty or thirty years ago. 

I acted well. (But then I spoze I do look remarkable young for one of myyears, and I admired her good horse sense in seein' it so plain. ) Butshe looked real mauger, and I sez:

"You look kinder beat out, Jane Olive, hain't you well?"

Yes, she said she wuz well, but had so many cares that they wore on her. 

"Why, " sez I, "you don't try to do your housework alone, do you?"

No, she said she had ten servants. 

So I knowed she didn't have to do the heaviest of her work, but her facelooked dretful tired and disappinted and I knowed it wuz caused by herefforts to git into fashionable society, for I'd hearn more about itsince I come here, Miss Huff knowed a woman that lived neighbor to her, she said that in spite of all Sam Perkinses money and Jane Olive'sefforts she couldn't git so fur into the circle of the first as shewanted to, though she had done everything a woman could do. 

Went off summers where the first went and winters too. When it wuzfashionable to go to springs and seasides she went and ocean trips andsouth and north, and when it wuz the fashion to go into the quietcountry she come to Jonesville. 

And now she wuz tryin' a new skeem to git into the first, she got up aname for bein' very charitable. That took her in, or that is part wayin, for her money went jest as fur and wuz jest as welcome to heathensand such as if it wuzn't made out of pork. It went jest as fur as themoney that wuz handed down from four fathers or even five or six fatherswho wuz small farmers and trappers in Manhattan years and years ago. Hermoney went jest as fur as though it had descended onto her from the saleof the mink skins and cabbages of the grandpas of the 400. 

Well, as I say, this did more than all her other efforts put together, and took her inside furder, for givin' as much as she did they had toinvite her to set down on the same charitable boards where these genteelfemales wuz settin'. And when a passel of wimmen are settin' down on oneboard they have to be more sociable and agreeable like, than if they wuzsettin' round on different piles of lumber. 

So Jane Olive wuz highly tickled and gin money freely. And now I don'twant it understood that Jane Olive done every mite of this work and ginevery cent of money for the speech of people or to git on in fashionablelife. No, she wuz kinder good hearted and felt sorry for the afflicted. Her motives wuz mebby about half and half, half goodness and halfambition, and that is I spoze a little worse than the average, thoughmotives will git dretfully mixed up, evil is worse than Canada thistlesto git mixed with good wheat. 

When some good object rises up and our souls burn within us aginst wrongand injustice and bigotry and such, we may think in our wropped momentsthat our motives are all good. But most always some little onworthyselfish motive will come sneakin' in by some back door of the heart andwiggle its way along till it sets down right by the side of our highestwhitest motives and stays there onbeknown to us. It is a pity that it isso, but human nater is human nater and we are all on us queer, queer asdogs. Once in awhile you'll see some rare soul that seems as if allonworthy motives have been driv out by the angels of divine Purity andEndeavor, but they're scurce, scurce as hen's teeth. 

Jane Olive wuz highly tickled with her success, and then, as is the wayof human creeters, when she'd done well she wanted to do better. Shewanted to outdo the other females settin' on the boards with her, shewanted her board to tip higher than theirn, so she took it into her headto build a Home for Fallen Wimmen in that end of the city where shelived. She said that there wuz sights and sights of wimmen that hadfallen round there, and sights that wuz fallin', and I spozed there wuz. I spozed that anywhere that Sam Perkins lived there would be apt to be, and she took the idee of buildin' a home for 'em, it wuz a first ratethought, but in my opinion it didn't go fur enough, it didn't cover thehull ground. 

Well, Jane Olive had gin of her own money ten thousand dollars and hadraised nine thousand more, twenty thousand would build it, and she wuzcollectin' round even in St. Louis when she met anybody she thoughtwould give; she knowed how the welfare of humanity, specially femalehumanity, lay down on my heart, therefore she tackled me. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

She talked real eloquent about it, and kinder begun to shed tears. She'sa capital hand to git money, she could always cry when she wanted towhen she went to school, did it by holdin' her breath or sunthin'. 

And when I say that I don't want it understood that I believe she didall her cryin' that way. No, I spoze she could draw on her imaginationand feelin's to that extent and git 'em so rousted up that she didactually shed tears, wet tears jest like anybody, some of the time, andsome she made, so I spoze. 

Well, when she begun to cry I looked keen at her and sez, how much shemade me think of herself when we went to school together. And shestopped sheddin' tears to once and acted more natural and went on totell about her skeem. She said female vice wuz stalkin' round fearful, fallen wimmen appeared on the streets with shockin' frequency, sunthin'must be done for these lost souls or their blood would be on our dressskirts. 

She told me how much she'd gin to this object and how much ministers hadgin and how they wuz all goin' to preach sermons about these poor lostwimmen and try to wake the public up to the fact of the enormity oftheir sins and the burnin' need of such an institution. 

She talked powerful about it, and I sez: "Jane Olive, I've gin a gooddeal of thought to this subject, and I think this house of yourn is agood idee, but to my mind it don't cover the hull ground. Now I willgive five dollars for the Home for Fallen Wimmen and the other five forthe Home for Fallen Men. "

Sez she, and she screamed the words right out: "There hain't any suchinstitution in the hull city!"

"Why, there must be!" sez I. "It hain't reasonable that there shouldn'tbe. Why, if a man and a woman go along over a bridge together, and bothfall through, and are maimed and broke to pieces, they are carried to amale and female hospital to be mended up. Or if they fall through asidewalk or anywhere else they have to both be doctored up and have thesame splints on and rubbed with the same anarky, etc. "

"That's very different, " sez Jane Olive. 

"Why different?" sez I. "If they both fall morally their morals ort tobe mended up agin both on 'em. The woman ort to be carried to the Homefor Fallen Wimmen, the Home for Magdalenes, and the men to the Home forFallen Men, the Home for Mikels. "

"There hain't no such place!" sez Jane Olive agin decidedly. 

Sez I, "Did you ever inquire?"

"No, " sez she, "I wouldn't make a fool of myself by inquirin' for such athing as that, Home for Mikels! I don't know what you mean by thatanyway. "

"Why, " sez I, "fallen men angels. You know Mikel wuz a angel once and hefell. "

"Well, there is no such place, " sez she, tossin' her head a little. 

"Well, " sez I, "you ort to know, you're from the city and I hain't; butI know that if there hain't such a place it's a wicked thing. Just lookat them poor fallen men that are walkin' the streets night after night, poor creeters goin' right down to ruin and nobody trying to lead 'em upagin to the way of safety and virtue--poor fallen, ruined men! I feel topity 'em. "

Sez Jane Olive, "Oh, shaw! they don't feel ruined, they're all right, I'll resk them. "

"How do you know how they feel? Take a tender hearted, innocent man, that some bad, designin' woman has led astray, led him on till she hasbetrayed and ruined him, and he feels that the screen door of society isshet aginst him----"

"Oh, shaw!" sez Jane Olive agin. "The door of society hain't shet aginstthe man, it never is. "

"Then, " sez I, "there is sunthin' wrong with the door and it ort to betended to. "

Sez she, "Things are winked at in a bad man that hain't in a bad woman. "

"Not by me, " sez I firmly. "The man won't git a wink out of me more orless than I would give to the woman. "

"It don't hurt a man, " sez Jane Olive. "And, " sez she, "no selfrespectin' man goes to any place that hain't licensed and respectable. "

"If such houses are respectable, " sez I, "and the law makes 'em so, whyhain't the wimmen called so that keep 'em? Why hain't the wimmen lookedup to that work there?"

Sez Jane Olive, "You don't talk no good sense at all. "

Sez I, "Jane Olive, I am spozin'. Mark you well, I don't say they arerespectable; I say they are the depths of infamy. But I am talkin' fromthe standpoint of legislators and highest officials, and if they call'em respectable, and throw the mantilly of law and order over 'em it isonly justice to let the mantilly spread out, so it will cover the malesand females too. Agin I quote the words of the poet to you, 'what issass for the goose ort to be sass for the gander. '"

Says she, "Such things are looked on so different in a man, they canhold their heads up jest as high as they did before. "

"Not if I had my way, " sez I. "If the female is dragged off to the Homefor Fallen Wimmen let the same team come back and haul the men off tothe Home for Fallen Men, tie 'em up with the same rope, preach to 'emfrom the same text, let 'em out when they've both repented and want todo better. That's my scheme, " sez I. 

"Oh, shaw!" sez Jane Olive, "it wouldn't work. "

"Why not?" sez I. "I'll bet if that course wuz took for the next fiveyears with fallen men you wouldn't have to raise so much money forfallen wimmen; I'll bet it would ameliorate their condition more thananything else would. "

"It don't hurt a man, " sez Jane Olive agin. 

"Why don't it hurt 'em?" sez I. "If it makes a woman so bad the hullworld calls her ruined and lost, and prints her name out in the dailypapers, as they always do, givin' her full name and address and sayin'some wild young man (but nameless) of respectable family was implicated, and talks of her as if Heaven wuz shet aginst her, and she has got topray and repent in sack-cloth and ashes all the rest of her days, andnever, never git her old place back in the eyes of the community, ithain't reasonable to spoze it don't hurt a man a mite to fall at thesame time and in the same way. There is no sense in it, and I'll bet ifyou hunt round in your city you'll find where fallen men are kep' hidaway till they can repent and reform. 

"Why, " sez I, "men's hearts and souls and morals are made out of exactlythe same stuff that wimmens be. And as I said before, let a man and awoman fall out of a high winder together it smashes him jest as bad asit duz her. They have to be carried off to hospitals jest the same, thesame doctor tends 'em, the same medicine has to be administered to 'emand they have to come back slowly to health agin. It takes the samelength of time to lose the marks of the woonds and bruises, and theyhave to hobble round on the same kind of crutches. And why under thesun, moon and stars there is any difference in the woonds on their soulsand morals I can't see, nor I don't believe you can. "

Agin she snorted and acted real high headed, and sez she, "There hain'tno such a Home as that you're talkin' about, and never wuz. "

"Well, " sez I, "then it is high time there wuz. " And I went on realeloquent, "Poor fallen men have been neglected too long and their ruinwill lay on our doorsteps if we don't do sunthin' to help 'em; I won'tgive a cent to help fallen wimmen, who have had ten times as muchpreachin' to 'em and as much done for 'em, till justice has been done tofallen men. Poor mizable creeters! They'll find out they've got onefriend that will stand by 'em if they've never had a mite of pity orhelp or encouragement held out to 'em before in the world. It is hightime sunthin' wuz done for 'em; and when you who live right in the midstof fallen men come here and say you've started a home for 'em, wherethere will be preachin' to 'em, and encouragement gin 'em to repent andreform, when you've come and told me you've started this job I'll give, and give liberal. "

She sot kinder demute for a minute, and I went right on, and sez I, "I'dhave a immense big house built if I had my way so's to accommodate 'emif I could git a house big enough. And I would set 'em there in immenserows and let 'em meditate on their sins a spell and I'd have good likelypreachers of both sects go and preach to 'em about fallen men and fallenwimmen, and how they could git up agin with God's help if they triedhard enough to. And I'd have pictures hung on the wall of Mikel andMagdaline and them old fallen men castin' stuns at fallen wimmen andwhat the Lord said about it. And then to kinder encourage 'em and show'em to what they might rise up to, if they repented and reformed, Iwould have pictures of some likely he angels flyin' round up in a purerair and----"

I wuz almost carried away and by the side of myself with this beautifuland inspirin' picture I'd cunjered up in my heated brain, when she brokein all wrought up with excitement and horrow with a new thought that haddawned on her:

"Why, " sez she, "if you did that, if you shet up such men there wouldn'tbe a man left outside. " And she sort o' screamed out, "Where would I gita coachman to drive for me or a butler?"

"Drive yourself, " sez I sternly, "and buttle too; if that is so, but Idon't believe it. "

But she still looked most wild with excitement and horrow, and agin shesez, "It would take away every man in the world! and what would we dofor men?" sez she. 

"Do!" sez I, all wrought up, "Do without 'em if that is the case, thoughI don't believe it; but if it is so it's high time we begun fresh, educate and bring up men babys in the right way, and begin agin; start anew world with 'em, jest as you'd start a new kind of gooseberry oranything. But I don't believe a word on't, not a word. I believe thereare good men in the world, lots and lots of 'em. "

"I know there hain't, " sez she. 

And I sez, "I know there is. "

And we disputed back and forth several times but didn't convince eachother. You can see jest how it wuz, it wuz the example of our owncompanions that wuz influencin' us in our opinions. She havin' livedwith a perfect sardeen and he-wretch, thought all men wuz like him, Inerved up by the thought of my noble-minded (though small) companionheld my faith firm as a iron anchor that the world wuz full of good men, scattered here and there like good wheat among the tares, and I felt andknowed that the tearers wuz fur scurser than the wheat. 

But Jane Olive riz up and kinder let her train flop out over the floor, she'd held it up as she come in. 

I bid her a cordial good-by and told her to come and see me inJonesville, but she acted kinder cold and hauty and I hain't much hopesthat she will foller my advice. 

Josiah came in pretty soon, and when I told him about it he acted realhuffy and agreed with Jane Olive, and resented the idee of a Home forFallen Men. Blandina, who come while we wuz talkin' about it to borry afew needlefuls of white thread, she shed tears and said she wouldn'tmortify men by namin' a home like that for thousands of worlds likethis. 

And Josiah acted puggicky all the evenin'. But I knowed I wuz in theright on't. Truly the path of duty is a thorny one anon or oftener. 

We went into the Fair the next mornin' by what they call the SkinkerEntrance, and we hadn't hardly got in when Josiah sez to me, pintin' toa small low house, "What do you spoze they show there, Samantha? It mustbe pretty poor if they can't afford shingles or a tar ruff. "

And sure enough the ruff wuz covered with straw. It wuz a low buildin'built of sunthin' that looked like stun. But come to find out it wuz thecottage of Robert Burns, and I hastened my steps, Josiah and Blandinafollerin' on. 

For low as that buildin' is, lookin' like a ant hill almost by the sideof the high red granite administration buildin', that little cabin holdsmemories that soar up higher than the peakedest, highest ruffs on theFair ground. The Home of Robert Burns, the Poet of the People. How hisinimitable poetry come troopin' through my mind as I walked through thelow rooms, there is only four on 'em, kitchen, settin' room, store roomand stables. 

I didn't approve of havin' the stables so nigh the livin' rooms, andshould have advised Robert's wife to stood her ground and not had it. But I wuzn't there, and she gin in probable, and mebby she wanted it so, it wuz handy, you could open the door and milk into your coffee cup ifso inclined. The bed is built in the kitchen wall; I spoze they couldn'tafford anything better, and 'tennyrate that humble bed pillowed the formthat will walk down the ages crowned with honor and lovin' memories, while many monarchs who at that time rested on carved rose-wood havesunk into oblivion. 

The people are not goin' to forgit their poet. He who taught that nomatter what the rank, a man wuz a man "for a' that. " Who sung anddignified the humble pleasures of the poor. "The Cotter's SaturdayNight" will be remembered when many a scientific tome and eloquent poemwrit in long words is dust and ashes. And the scathing irony and witsatirizing the ignorant rich, the scorn of meanness and bigotry, thelove of liberty and justice the melting tenderness of his love poems, the People he loved and wrote for, will not forget. 

The big open fireplace might have been the one immortalized in hispoetry. There wuz a high clock like the one that told him the hours, anxious hours, weary hours, happy hours, hours radiant with the poet'sinspiration. Despairin' hours full of anxiety and dread for the wife andchildren he loved. It told the hours of day and night too, for Robertdid love what he called a good time, and I presoom Bonnie Jean read theface of that old clock with anxiety and weariness writ in her own facewhen the small hours struck and her Robbie wuz away with gay companions. 

And with what despairin' grief did she read its calm old face while herpoet writ this sad truth:

"I'm wearin' awa' to the Land o' the Leal. "

And there wuz a cupboard with blue and white dishes and a sugar bowlthat he and Bonnie Jean had used. Oh, warm fingers, tired fingers! howlong you've been dust, and the little piece of metal still endures. Oh, my soul! the wonder and the pity on't. 

There are chairs, tables, spinning wheel, etc. , similar to those thatwere in the Burns cottage. But there is a reel that wuz used by BonnieJean herself, I took holt on't tryin' to bring to my mind what emotionsshe had time and agin as she reeled her threads on and off, love, anxiety, ambition, fear, hopes and sorrows; how they twined and ontwinedin her faithful breast as the reel turned, emotions stilled long ago, long ago. 

And there wuz the very griddle and toaster with which Bonnie Jeantoasted the bread for her Robbie. Many and many a time her heart, Ipresoom to say seemin' to git seared in the burnin' fires of jealousywhilst the bread wuz toastin'. For Robert wuz a man of many fancies, andthough a wife through pride or affection may seem blind to such things, yet burns will smart and "jealousy is as cruel as the grave. "

But many a time also whilst she toasted her bread her heart would boundwith joy and pride thinkin' of some triumph the man she loved had won, or rememberin' some words of love and appreciation he had whispered inher ear, which made the dark world over in a minute into a bright one, for wimmen's hearts beat the same in Ayr or Jonesville, and Bonnie Jeanwuz proud of her poet lover and loved him. And he loved her the biggestheft of the time, and mebby all the time; men are queer in such thingsand their ways past findin' out. 

'Tennyrate my heart bent in homage to his genius and his bravely bornepoverty and sufferin'. And I wished, oh, how I wished that some of thepride and honor showered on him now the world over could have brightenedhis hard life when it wuz needed. But it wuzn't to be, I wuzn't there toadvise folks, or to cheer him and Jean up by my warm appreciation andgood vittles. And I reluctantly tore myself away from the memory-hantedspot. 

Molly wuz dretful interested here too, but naterally wanted to ride inthe Intremoral railway and see all she could, it bein' her first visit. So as I had spoke of wantin' to see the air-ships we went there next andthen to the Philippines. 

Sister Sylvester Bobbett laughed when I told her that probable Josiahand I would go to the next Exposition through the air. 

Sez she, "You might jest as well talk about goin' through the ground. "

But I wuz glad to see that other folks realized the importance of thesubject, for they have given as much space to air navigation as for allthe other modes of transportation put together. The buildin' coversabout fourteen acres--I wonder what Sister Bobbett would say to that, the walls are thirty feet high, the lower twelve feet, air tight, theupper eighteen feet lattice work. 

Part on't is a sort of a harbor for their air-ships to light in. Theysay they need a still harbor away from boisterous winds jest as much aswater ships do. This is the first Air-Ship harbor ever built. Josiahsaid it wuz the humbliest buildin' on the Fair ground, and it wuzn't abeauty so fur as architecture goes. 

But I sez, "Handsome is as handsome duz! I don't spoze, " sez I, "thatNoah's Ark wuz a beauty, but he started a new world with it, and Ibelieve this buildin' holds the great hope and promise of the future inthe way of transportation, and it looks good to me. "

It stands between Physical Culture Hall and the Hall of Lady Managers. Iwuz glad it wuz where wimmen could keep an eye on 'em and keep 'em frombein' run on. In one corner on't is two stalls, jest as they have horsestalls in barns, but these stalls are one hundred and eighty feet longand forty feet wide. There wuz most ninety entries for the contest. Ifthey make a speed of twenty milds an hour they git a prize of onehundred thousand. I would like to know what Sister Bobbett would thinkof that. 

Josiah said he believed they wuz dangerous, but the head of this companytold me with his own mouth that he had traveled over fifteen States inair-ships and had never been hurt or even skairt, and I told Josiah thatwuz more than he could say of our wheel-barrow that had never been outof Jonesville. Josiah went out one dark night to shet the barn door andfell over it, and it rared up on him and throwed him; he wuz skairt todeath thinkin' it wuz a burglar who wuz tryin' to fight him. 

I had to take the lantern and go out and rescue him, and I hain't goin'to tell how he kicked that wheel-barrow when he re_cog_nized it, and thelanguage he hurled at it. It wuz onbecomin' a deacon, and I told him so. 

Next to the Hall of Electricity, the great onseen Wizard that sways theworld, this Hall of Air-Ships wuz interestin' to me, for it is thetransportation of the future. Baby eyes blinkin' now at the canopys oftheir cribs will look up and see the blue sky above 'em cleft by thewhite wings of great ships of the air sailin' to and fro with notreacherous rocks to dash aginst, no forests to subdue or mountains totunnel, no roads to break, to and fro, back and forth shining whiteaginst the crimson sunset, aginst the rosy dawn, and the cloudless noon. Oh, what a sight for the eyes that will behold 'em! I wish I could standit till then, but most probable I can't, and I wouldn't want to anywayif Josiah couldn't be there to see 'em with me; and his health hain'twhat it wuz, his liver is bad. But I think sometimes that Josiah and Imay look on and behold this glorious sight from some cloudy terrace ofthe Better Country; I'd love to if we could. But 'tennyrate it will beseen by them that live long enough. 

I took solid comfort and lots and lots of it wandering round seeingthese immense Travelers of the Sky and askin' questions and lookin'forward towards the glories that is to be. 

Josiah and Blandina didn't enjoy it so much as I did, though Josiah, always wantin' to embark in some new enterprise, thought he should go upin one whilst he wuz there. He said he wanted to brag on't to DeaconHenzy and Deacon Huffer. And I told him that wuzn't the right sperit toshow, it wuzn't the sperit of a true Discoverer tryin' to solve theproblems of the future through love for God and humanity. 

And he said he guessed he knew what he took comfort in and what hedidn't. 

Well, we rid round considerable so's to give Molly a view of theCascades and big buildin's, and then we went on to the Philippines. Thisis the largest single exhibit at the Fair and covers forty-seven acresof beautiful woodland and water spaces, and is the largest colonialdisplay ever made. I told Josiah as we walked towards it, Molly andBlandina goin' a little ahead, "What wuz the use of travelin' so fur tosee our new possessions?"

"Yes, " sez he; "no use spendin' so much money. "

This wuz to me one of the most interestin' exhibits at the Fair. And Ithought it a first rate idee to show off to the world the almostlimitless wealth as well as the hard problems that face Uncle Sam in hisnew possessions, for like a careful pa he will see that they learn howto take care of themselves before he sets 'em up in independenthousekeepin'. 

We went over a fine bridge, copied from one of their own into the walledcity of Manila. Here in one room you see all of its war exhibits, immense cannons, the blow guns of the Negritos; axes the Iggorotehead-hunters used to cut off the heads of their enemies. The Moro cris, the wooden guns and bamboo cannons and home-made powder used in 'em bythe insurgent army with the rough machinery used in makin' it. 

Wanderin' on you see the nita huts of the Visayans, big handsome fellowsthey are and pretty refined wimmen, and hear their weird melodies asthey are at work making their beautiful bamboo furniture, and weavingtheir handsome blankets, etc. 

You see on the hillside the huts of the Negritos, black little creeters. Then you see the Iggrotes, a real village, some of the housen broughtfrom their own land and the rest built here by them from their ownmaterials. It is jest as though you stepped over to the mountains ofLuzon and see 'em at their simple housekeepin'. 

I whispered anxiously to Josiah to keep clost watch of his own head, forthough they promised to not pursue their favorite pastime till they gotback home agin, yet I didn't know what might happen, though I felt hewuzn't in so much danger, his bald head bein' so slippery and nothin' tolay holt on, still I kep' a clost watch on that dear head all the whilewe wuz there. 

Josiah didn't sense his own danger, but whispered, "I'm glad enoughBruno is to home. " They will eat dogs and dance their war dances, but Ispoze I couldn't hender 'em, so didn't try to advise 'em. Some on 'emdidn't have clothes enough on to be decent unless you call the tatooin'on their naked bodies, clothes. I see Josiah looked at 'em withinterest, and he wondered if common ink and diamond dyes could be used, and if Ury could handle 'em. 

And I hurried him on to the encampment of the Moros. Here we see the menand wimmen dressed in silk and satin, but cut after patterns I wouldnever let Josiah wear or wear myself. Some of these Moro girls are quitehandsome in their bright striped mantillys, their long hair hanging downunder their gay turbans. One of these villages is on land and one builton bamboo poles over the water. Jest open sheds covered with nipaleaves. Anyone with rumatiz couldn't stand it in 'em. 

But what took Josiah most of all wuz the tree dwellers, their houses arebuilt up in the highest trees they can find, and they git to 'em byladders they pull up after 'em; as he looked on 'em I see in Josiah'sreminescent eye dreams of summer housen in our ellums and maples, and Ihurried him on. Blandina said she could be perfectly happy up there witha congenial companion, and I knowed she wuz thinkin' of Aspire Todd; butshe never could git him up there, for his tongue is the strongest parton him. 

We all admired the Native Scouts; they live in a little village of tentsin a beautiful piece of woodland. There are four companies, Visayan, Tagalog, Maccabebe and Ilicano. Their band of music, and the band ofeighty pieces of the native constabulary are called the finest at theExposition. When they march they all seem to be one body; so smooth andeven are their movements, they are called the most perfectly drilledsoldiers in the country. 

Jest think on't, if they show off so now what will they do at the nextExposition. There are ten large buildings containing their enormousdisplay of art and science, education, agriculture, horticulture, manufactures, commerce, etc. Some of the statutes and pictures arebeautiful; you couldn't tell some of 'em from them brought from abroad. But folks don't seem to realize that some of the Filippinos are asrefined and cultured as if they come from the middle of Boston. 

Their forestry exhibit is the finest ever brought to any Exposition andcontains everything relating to the fifty million acres of Philippineforests, splendid timber, over fifteen hundred different kinds of wood, rattans, gutta percha, dye stuffs, trees yielding oil, gums, rosin, etc. The mineral exhibit shows how rich these islands are in gold, copper, coal and other minerals. In agriculture you see the great display offibres, Manila hemp which brought 'em over twenty-two millions lastyear, ropes made from bamboo, cocoa-nut, rattan. Sugar, tobacco, coffee, hats, baskets and other articles made from palm leaves, bamboo, rattanand nito, colored by their own native dyes. In the flower display arethe most rare and exquisite orchids growing jest as common there asweeds along the Jonesville road. One interestin' display wuz a map builtout doors showin' more than 2, 000 islands, their shape and comparitivesize. 

But most of all I wuz interested in the educational exhibit. So anxioushave they been to learn night schools have had to be established. Thebig normal school building in Manila is handsome enough for any Americancity, and the smaller district and industrial schools are doing jest asgood work. Our Government sent five hundred and forty teachers there in1901, and now we have about seven hundred there. I took comfort inseein' the great work they have done, as well as the church and privateschools, and how well they're learning and getting along. 

Anyone could spend five weeks at least jest at the Philippine display, and find abundance to interest 'em all the time in the educational, art, manufacturing, horticultural, agricultural and other displays, but wehadn't no five weeks to spend, so we had to move on, but I felt proudenough to see what my revered Uncle Sam had done and wuz doing. 

Truly he took a big job on his hands to take care of such an immensefamily, and differin' so widely in cultivation, temperament and clothes, to lead the ignorant ones into civilization and keep peace in the familyand among his own folks. 

He'll have as hard work to do it as that widower I hearn on who hadthree or four children of his own, and married a widow who also had anumber, and then they had several, and one day she came callin' to herhusband, "Come quick! come quick! Your children and my children arefightin' with our children. "

But Uncle Sam will be on hand, he'll wade right in with a birch gad or aspellin' book, jest which he thinks they need most at the time, andsettle the differences all right, and I believe it will be a star in hiscrown in time to come: turning the savages and cannibals that inhabitpart of these new possessions into good American citizens. 

I don't spoze I shall see the day when this shall fully come to pass, and mebby the babies of to-day will be great-grandpas before it takesplace, but it will be, I believe, and so duz Josiah. 

Yes, he's doin' a good job by his step-children, I guess they would becalled that seein' he stepped in when they wuz poor and oppressed andtook 'em under his care. 

I honor him for it, but wish he would do as well by his steal children, the dark complexioned ones stole away from their own land to be slavesand drudges for his white children. 

He'll mebby tell me they wuz ignorant and degraded and wuz better offhere than in their own land, but I'll say back to him, "Samuel, Josiahand I would probable be in a better house and more high-toned society ifsome king or other should steal us and carry us away from our humblefarm to their palace. But do you spoze we would enjoy ourselves as well?No indeed!"

And 'tennyrate they're here, the problem that lays so heavy on theSouthern and Northern heart and conscience and the riddle gits harderand harder to solve. The lurid blaze of livin' torches makes bloodyblindness in the eyes of them that look on and light them fires. Thedisgraceful glare flames out, shamin' you in the eyes of the world, andstreams up to the pityin' heavens askin' for justice. 

Mebby you'll tell me you don't see how you can help it, but Samuel, youmust try, for though there are here and there oasises in the gloomlighted up by education and inteligence still there remains the greatmultitude of your steel children that you ort to help, you ort to do aswell by them settin' in long rows right on your very doorstep as you'redoin' for them six thousand milds off. Sinners must be punished by law, else what is law made for? Order must be kep', the helpless protected, but you know, Samuel, that if some of the disgraceful seens that arebein' enacted here right under your dear old nose took place amongstyour adopted Philippine children or even amongst your protejays inTurkey or China you would send out a warship to once. I am sorry foryou, Samuel, and think the world on you, but faithful are the woonds ofa friend; you must hear the truth once in awhile or who knows what wouldbecome on you, you might puff up with proud flesh and have to have anoperation, and I guess you will anyway before you git through with thisproblem. 

I presoom you want me to advise you what to do, only bein' a man youhain't really wanted to come out and ask me. Josiah acts jest like thatlots of times. 

So I'll say to you, I honor you, Samuel, for what you're doin' for theseforeign children, but I want you to do jest as much to home. I want youto send teachers and found schools at your own expense; you're fourhanded and able to do it. And Id'no but you had better buy land in theirown home you stole them from, buy a small farm for each one that wantsto go. Travelers say that in the Valley of the Nile, a country withsimilar climate and soil to the south land where they wuz born, is anunoccupied place big enough for each one to have a small farm of theirown. I want you, Samuel, to buy this land for 'em, take 'em back thereat your own expense, all that want to go. There are plenty of the youngand enterprising who would go full of the hope of foundin' a newrepublic for their own race, where they can expand and grow strong awayfrom parlyzing influence of racial and social hatred. 

There would be lots of 'em who wouldn't want to go, and why can't you, Samuel, I'd say, buy them a little home here, for instance, on the vastunoccupied area of Florida? Let 'em have the hull state if necessary;let each family have their little piece of land, and then make 'em workit; send teachers, found schools, teach 'em to be self sustaining andself respecting. 

Samuel would probable sass me back and say, You can't teach a nigger torespect himself and stand upright. 

And I'd say, "'Tain't so, Sam, but if it wuz, centuries have been spentby the white race in teachin' this people to be dependent and helpless, to not think for themselves, to lean entirely on the judgment andjustice of the white people (weak reeds to lean on anon or oftener). "

And then I'd say, "Samuel, you did a foolish thing after the Civil war, you did it with the best of motives, and you needn't be skairt, I hain'tgoin' to scold you for it, but it wuz jest like turnin' a company ofbabies out into the world and tellin' 'em they wuz jest as tall andinteligent as their pas and mas and they must go on and take care ofthemselves, and with their utter lack of all knowledge and strength takean equal part in public affairs. How could these babies do it, Samuel, Iwould say. But you wuz gropin' along most blind in them dark days, andyou did the best you knowed how to then. But when you see you've made amis-step you must draw your foot back and start off agin jest like aelephant crossin' a weak bridge, I've seen 'em go down into the waterand wade ruther than resk it. You may have to wade through deep watersto fix it all right, but that would be better than to fall through aweak bridge and break your neck. 

"It is because I think so much on you, Samuel, that I talk so plain toyou, for I don't want you to git the name Miss Eben Simmons got. Shejest spent her hull mind and income on foreign missions and let her ownchildren go so dirty and ragged they wuz a disgrace to Jonesville. Iwant you and Miss Simmons to not scrimp in your foreign charities butbegin to home and make your own dependent ones comfortable. "

I presume I could convince him if I had time enough, but we are busycreeters, Samuel and I, both on us, and Id'no as he'd have time to argyback and forth with me, but it would be well for him if he did, men musthave wimmen advise 'em if they ever expect to amount to anything. 

But to resoom forwards. These thoughts wuz runnin' through my head as wewended our way around, it did my soul good, as I said, to see theprogress these Filipinos are makin', and to meditate on the fact howenterprisin' Uncle Samuel is when he sets out. Why jest think on't, he'staught them Filipinos more English in four years than the Spaniardstaught 'em their language in the four hundred years they took care on'em. 

I wuz so proud and happy as I thought on't that I stepped considerablehigh as I walked along, and I hearn a profane bystander say (wickedcreeter to think on't), "That woman has took too much stimulant. "

And Josiah sez, "What ails you, Samantha? You walk as if you wuzfollerin' a band of music. "

And I wuz, it wuz the music of the Future that sounds out in my earsanon or oftener, sweet inspirin' strains that even Josiah can't hear ifhis head lays on the same piller. 

It sings of an ignorant, oppressed race changed into an enlightenedprosperous one, this great work done by our own country, this song comesfloatin' into my ears over the wide Pacific. And another louder straincomes from nigher by made tender and pathetic by years of oppression andsuppressed suffering that could find expression in no other way thanthis heart searching pathos. And blending with it, ringing over andabove it, triumphant happy echoes telling of real freedom of mind andconscience, the true liberty. 

CHAPTER XV. 

Well, Blandina wanted to go to the Anthropological Buildin'. She saidProfessor Todd had recommended it. I should knowed he would choose thatspot in preference to any other. I hadn't a idee what it meant, butdidn't feel obleeged to tell her so, but spozed it wuz sunthin' hard totackle, judgin' from the name, but told her I wuz willin' to go to see_it_ or _her_ or _him_, not knowin' which it would turn out to be. Butcome to find out it wuz everything relatin' to the history of man, andspozed that wuz one reason why Blandina wuz interested in it. 

It wuz a monstrous big buildin', and in it and outside on't wuz exhibitsfrom all the different countries of the world, showin' the difference inthe races of mankind, their difference through all the ages, anatomy, industries, customs, education, different religious rites, games, booksand pictures, maps illustrating mankind and his works, etc. , and I couldfill a dozen pages with etcs. , and not half exhaust the contents of theimmense buildin'. 

Blandina wuz in her glory here, she wuz studyin' in full magesty thehistory of her idol, man. But as I told her, I spozed the term, man, included woman also. But she looked dubersome, she didn't like the ideeI could see, and Josiah didn't. But I knowed I wuz right, and I guessMolly thought so too. 

This is the most complete gathering of the world's people and races thathas ever been got together, and includes different types, from thesmallest pigmies from Central Africa to the Patagonian giants. Josiahwuz delighted to learn of the strength of these pigmies, how they killelephants and rhinocerhorses, and sez he, "I tell you, Samantha, ithain't size that counts, it is most always the smallest men that are thesmartest, looked at Napoleon and me. "

But I whispered to him to keep still, for he wuz attractin' attention, and I led the way to see the giants. But he looked coldly on 'em, andsez he:

"They hain't thought much on, it speaks about their mean statter in theguide books. "

But I thought to myself how handy it would be to have one on 'em in theneighborhood to rent out by the day to whitewash overhead or shingle thebarn; they wouldn't even have to git up in a chair, and Id'no but theycould lay a chimbly standin' on the ground; they wuz immense. 

And there wuz displays of the works and habits and native surroundin'sof the lowest types from the beginnin' of the stun age up to the presentfinished glory of Jonesville and the world at large. And I wonderedwhat, what would be the glory showed off a hundred years from now, whathites would men stand on, sailin' round through the air and comin' fromother planets to the show like as not jest as easy as we come fromJonesville. And where will Josiah and I be then? That wuz anotherthought that hanted me, and what would we be lookin' on? 'Tennyrate Ihope we will be together wherever it is. 

But to resoom. There wuz the skin housen of the Indians from Mexico andthe display of the Ainu tribes from Japan; red negroes from CentralAfrica, and all the Indian tribes left in North America, so fast meltin'away like the leaves of the forest before the march of winter. Basketmakers from California and Arizonia, bead workers, arrow workers, allcarryin' on their work before us and goin' through their ceremonies andplayin' their games. 

And there wuz the tradin' post, with the agent cheatin' the Injuns jestas nateral as life, so I spoze. Mexico had a wonderful collection, native books on Maguey paper, amulets of gold, sculpture, carved idols, remarkable lookin', though I wouldn't worship one on 'em not for adollar bill. 

Egypt, where Civilization first started, had to crumple down and sendher best treasures to the fur away West. Oh, how fur, how furCivilization has traveled since she left the Lotus land. And she hadn'tbetter set down yet and fold her hands. She's got a good many jobsbefore her that I could pint out to her right here in America. 

And there wuz a hull Egyptian tomb, mummies, ancient pottery, necklacesand beads took out of old Egyptian tombs. Oh, where wuz the throbbin'hearts that beat agin them with boundin' life and joy? So much strongerand greater than the fragile things, yet gone to dust and ashescenturies ago, while these senseless toys outlive 'em and are broughtthousands of milds to be looked on by a strange race. And there wuzscarabes, symbols, strange lookin' things as I ever see and piles on'em. 

And there wuz a display showing how they first started fire, which theyworshipped when first discovered as the Red Flower God, and everythingup to its present development. And so with the earliest attempts atmakin' weapons, blades of bamboo and wood, hammered copper up to thedeadly life destroyers of to-day. 

And in one room wuz the priceless treasures of the Vatican, and aexquisite collection of the Jubilee presents of the Widder Albert carvedivory gems, beautifully set jewels, fans, feathers, leather work andwrought gold, carved ebony, sandal-wood, embroidered silk and velvetcaskets, silver prayer wheel (though she never used it I'll warrant, noquicker than I would) gold boxes from Africa, Burmah and all herprovinces; gold and velvet harnesses and saddle cloths, chains andplumes; a chair of state of carved ivory; kneeling cushion in richembroidered velvet; elephants' tusks mounted on ebony and on rosewood;there are thirty cases in all, and as I looked on 'em, lent to thisExposition by his Gracious Majesty, King Edward VII, jest as willin' asI'd lend sister Bobbett a drawin' of tea, my feelin's pretty nighoverpowered me and I almost bust into tears, but knowin' Josiah's stateof nerves I kep' up and restrained myself in a measure. 

But I noticed Blandina wuz beginin' to act restless and looked at herwatch, and finally she said that Professor Todd had promised to meet herat the Anthropometric Display. 

Sez I, "I should know that of all the places in the world that would behis chosen rondevoo. "

"Yes, " sez she, "he has got such exquisite taste--in dress. "

I don't believe she had a idee what it wuz, I believe she thought fromwhat she said that it wuz some kind of men's clothes, or scarf pinsmebby. I myself didn't even hazard a inward guess, but made up my mindto be resigned to the sight whatever it wuz and bear up under it thebest I could. 

But we found out it included all kinds of measures, attitudes andangles, photographs, moulds, casts and rates of pulsation, measurementsof respiration, tryin' to measure and estimate as well as they can thedifferent physical values of the different races and people, it wuz asight to see it. 

Sure enough Professor Todd wuz there, and I willin'ly resigned her intohis care. He offerin' to see her home after the illumination. I knowedhe wuz to be trusted, and they went off, Blandina lookin' up happy andadorin', he happy, patronizin' and lookin' down. Both on 'em contentedcreeters. He leadin' her a willin' victim to where the biggest namedarticles wuz and explainin' 'em to her in words more'n two inches long, I'll bet, but if anybody is happy that's enough. And though it isputtin' the wagon considerable ways before the horse, I may as well tella conversation I overheard between Professor Todd and Blandina later inthe day. Molly and Josiah wuz interested in lookin' at a display alittle ways off, and I'd sot down for a spell restin' my tired head onmy hand, and closed my eyes, for they too wuz so weary I felt I shouldalmost be ashamed to face them two gray orbs in the lookin'-glass, for Iknowed I had worked 'em too hard, and no knowin' when they would git anyrest, for it seemed as though the more we see the more there wuz to see. 

And I sot there lost in wistful retrospection of the view from our backdoor where there wuz but one object in front of me, and that wuz a plainbarn with no cupolas or minarets, or towers or domes on it. No, jest aplain barn with a slidin' door enriched and bejeweled when open only bythe form of my beloved pardner. And the only vista visible the grassypath that led round the hen house to the ash-barrel, and the onlyornamental water, the waterin' trough embellished only by the green mosson its sides. 

I felt I'd seen too many ornaments, I most knowed I should never hankeragin for a minaret or a mosque, or a steeple or a crescent, or a wavin'banner, or gildin', I felt that my heart would never more long and pinefor water to squirt up in the air or drizzle down three or four hundredfeet, nor for statutes or peaks or pillers. No, I almost felt I shouldhave Dave Yerden saw off the top of the whatnot because it riz up in asort of ornamental fashion, and I almost despised the thought of the M. E. Steeple in Jonesville, to such wicked and reckless lengths willover-weariness lead one. But jest as I wuz rebukin' myself to myself, Ihearn jest on the other side on me the voices of Blandina and ProfessorAspire Todd. He wuz evidently continuing a conversation begun sometimebefore. 

"Oh, that lost companion of mine! oh, that beauchious female sohumilitous in her sweet humility, so super-conscious of man's superiorattainments, she seemingly only existed to minister to my corporialnecessities. "

"Well she might, Professor, well she might, " sez Blandina. "Any woman ofright feelin' would feel only too blest and honored to do the same. "

"I experienced from the first moment my eyes rested on you, " sez theProfessor in solemn axents, "a sensation, or a feeling, as you may say, that you wuz my affinity, that your soul wuz congenial, and everytransitory period of time that has progressively advanced since then hasbut intensified the impression. "

Though I couldn't see her, I could feel Blandina simper. But at thatminute Josiah interrupted the dialogue by askin' where Samantha wuz, andI come forward and jined 'em. Blandina looked radiantly happy, and Imotioned to Molly and Josiah to come on, I knowed they would rather haveour room than our company. For I remembered I wuz onmarried myself once, and though my sperit wuz never incarnated in the personality of aBlandina, yet I had a vivid remembrance of the time when Love first laidholt on me, and I well remembered the feelin's I felt at the ardentattentions of a Josiah. 

Professor Todd might not be an object of admiration to me, indeed he wuznot, fur from it! But one of the last things we learn in life is not tojudge other folks attachments and desires by our own liking, and not tocondemn other people for having fur different ideals than our own. I hadfound out that Professor Todd wuz likely and respectable and well off, and if Blandina had got to git along through life without knowin' much, she had better git along with a protector and under comfortablecircumstances. So I stood ready to give away the bride at any time, forto tell the truth I had worried about her future, not knowin' but I hadher on my hands for life. But true to my principles I felt that I wouldmake no matches nor break none, but would only smooth the path for TrueLove to trundle along in. 

Josiah wuz blind as a bat to what I see, and wanted to know, "WhatBlandina wuz pokin' round with that fool for?"

Truly men can't see through a stun wall or a matrimonial movement withanything like the clearness of a woman. As I wended my way onwards Ifelt jest as sure in my mind how it would end as I did two monthsafterwards when I see 'em at the altar. 

But to resoom backwards. Josiah, Molly and I wended our way off toanother department of the immense buildin', goin' from one display toanother, and could have stayed a week and seen sunthin' new everyminute. 

I took sights of comfort at the Indian schools. Seein' on one side theold poor oncivilized way of living, habits and customs; and then to seewhat education and culture had done and wuz doing for 'em, what swiftstrides they wuz makin' along the road that leads upwards. And to see'em workin' away right before us at all the industrial trades, to seeinteligence in the eyes that had held savagery, to hear the inteligentconversation in place of gutteral axents, I wuz highly tickled. 

And I sez to Josiah and Molly, "I hope Uncle Sam will do well by all thefolks he's gardeen over, the Indians, Negroes, Philippinos and all, Ibelieve he means well by the hull on 'em, but he has so much on hishands he don't know which way to turn, and I spoze it will be some timebefore he gits 'round to do what he wants to for all on 'em, and, " sezI, "they had better in the mean time try to git along and do all theycan for themselves, it will be best for 'em anyway. "

I wuz walkin' along with my Josiah in a quiet part of the grounds, ifany of 'em can be called so, 'tennyrate there wuzn't many round when Ihearn some workmen passin' along say, "There is the President. "

And lookin' round eagerly and anxiously I see a good-lookin' man witheye glasses settin' on a bench readin' a paper. And I knowed to oncethat it wuz our Teddy, so dear to the heart of them that set store bymanliness, fearlessness, bravery, bright badges from Heaven's mintshinin' on the breast of a man faithful to wife, children and country. He didn't look exactly like his pictures, but I knowed pictures didn'talways favor their originals, specially in newspapers. I wuz highlytickled to see him, for I had some errents for him, and wanted to advisehim for his good, and I advanced with outstretched hand and sez "Mr. President, I am delighted to see you!"

He shook hands and said polite, "You have the advantage of me, mom. "

"Yes, " sez I, "folks see your face in the papers. " I mentioned my nameand then went right on to say, "I wanted to tell you the first thing, Ihadn't nothin' to do with that slightin' piece about you you probableread in the Jonesville Auger. The Nation knew I had writ for it, and forthe Gimlet, and I wuz awful afraid you'd think it wuz me, and be mad atme, but I'm as innocent as a infant babe. Keturah Snyder writ it, andshe's been through with trials enough to make her bitter but bein' somad she sez things she can't prove. Now she thinks you could kep' herfrom bein' turned out of the Jonesville post-office and you could keepthe price of meat down. No use arguin' with her, she sez you had it inyour power to squelch some of the Trusts, and didn't do nothin' buttalk. 

"And that Post-Office scandal, she said she spozed you wuz goin' to makepublic samples of them stealers, but it all squizzled out, nothin' doneabout it, only jest talk. And you remember she said in her piece, 'shewuz turned out of the post-office for borryin' five cents from theGovernment, and bein' backward with another five, ten cents in all, andthem post-office clerks in Washington stealin' hundreds of thousands andnothin' done. '" Here Theodore tried to say sunthin', and knowin' he wuzsuch a fluent talker I wuz bound to git my explanation in before hebegun, for I wouldn't interrupted him for the world after he got togoin'. 

Sez I, "I wanted you to know jest what reason she had for bein' so madand writin' it, for I knowed you wouldn't feel so mortified about it. The way on't wuz, she wuz in the Office, and hadn't baked that weekowin' to the cat tippin' over her yeast, she's so petickular she won'tuse boughten, and a hull load of company driv up onexpected at levenforty-five. The baker come and not havin' a cent of change by her, andhe refusin' to trust her jest out of meanness, she knowin' she wuz tohave some money paid her in the mornin', jest borrowed five cents fromUncle Sam. I don't say it wuz right, she'd better made biscuit, but Isay she wuz punished pretty hash for that and two other small things, for bein' half distracted by her cares, she forgot to cancel threeletters, the first mistake she'd made in the three years she'd been inoffice. One wuz a drop letter, so Uncle Sam wuz only out five cents. Well, you know Theodore, that when trials come, they come as Shakespearesaid, 'Not as single spiders but hull battles on 'em, ' or words to thateffect. 

"Right on top of that Baker come the Inspector. He discovered thedeficit of ten cents, and also that other incident, where I got mixed upin the Jonesville P. O. Scandal. Keturah had to have help in the officeonce in awhile, and two men wanted to work for her, Nate Yerden and SamPendergrast. She didn't like Nate, and she did like Sam, and I don'tspoze it made much difference in her feelin's, but Sam kep' sheep anddid gin her yarn for a pair of stockin's, and jest out of pure kindnessI colored it for her in my indigo dye tub. 

"I never thought of committin' any sin, let alone one with such a bigname, Misprision of Treason and Maladministration of Justice, I believehe called it. Why, for a spell I thought I should have to be shot up, Josiah wuz skairt to death, and told him he never hearn of such crimes, and sez he, 'I'll bet you can't find 'em in the Velosipeder. '

"He meant the Encyclepeder, but poor man he wuz most crazy. I emptiedout my blue dye and don't know as I shall ever set up another. AndKeturah raveled out her stockin's and gin back the yarn, I got off withthe awfulest talkin' to I ever had, and warnin's never, never to triflein such a heedless and wicked way with Public Matters and the sacredrights of the people. But Keturah, poor thing! wuz jest turned right outof office root and branch. She knowed what high influence duz inpolitics, and she got Thomas Jefferson to argy with the Inspector andtell him jest how it wuz. But he said the dignity of a great Nation wuzat stake and out she must go. 

"Keturah wep' and cried, and reminded him the yarn wuz gin back and howsmall the sum wuz. And he said, 'A straw showed which way the windblowed, and the Nation must trust its public servants implicitly, orwhere would be the safety of the people. '

"Then Keturah sassed him and said if a straw showed the direction of thewind in Jonesville, how wuz it with the dead loads and stacks of strawin Washington, sez she, they're so heavy with rottenness and corruptionthey can't blow. You'll remember that powerful figger of speech in thearticle. I told her it would make you mad as a hen and I spoze it did. And I felt it my duty to molify you and tell you that a honester creeternever lived than Keturah, and it wuz only these extronnery circumstancesthat made her borry the ten cents. And workin' out by the day and eatin'codfish as she duz, makes her more morbid, kinder salts her blood Ibelieve, and she lays it to you onjustly, for meat bein' so high thatshe can't buy any. 

"Ive told her time and agin it wuzn't your fault. But she sez you mighthold in the Trusts some if you wuz a minter. 

"She sez you had 'em in your power once and could made a sample on 'embut didn't, and so, sez she, I've got to live on codfish, and the flourtrust is bringin' up flour so Id'no but I'll have to eat saw-dust bread. You remember them powerful metafors in the Auger. I wanted to explainall this and I also had some errents of my own. "

He made another effort to speak, but knowin' his remarkable eloquence, and that I wouldn't try to git a word in after he begun, I should enjoyhis talk so, I kep' on:

"I want to be open and above board, Theodore, jest as you are nachelly. And that other piece you remember that come out about the same time inthe Jonesville Gimlet I'll tell you plain that I approved on it, thoughI didn't write it. You remember it begun with this quotation:

"'They enslave their children's childrenWho make compromise with sin. '

"And it went on to talk about our great dignified Nation bein' a pardnerin Saloons, ruinin' men, breakin' wimmen's hearts, starvin' children, committin' theft, murder, adultery, arson, helpin' on fights, death andruin, jest goin' in snux, as you may say with all this for the money gotout of it; it said that though there wuz many great evils to face andoverthrow, there wuz none that brutalized the race and agonized thehearts of the people like this, and though all sin left its mark, noother sin changed a man so into the loathsome body and soul wrecks, thatdrunkenness did, and all for a little money. 

"It wuz a powerful piece, and as full of facts as a brick is of sand. Ittold jest how much money Uncle Sam got out of every drunkard he made. Mymemory hain't what it wuz, Theodore, and I can't tell exactly jest howmuch money it would be in Uncle Sam's pocket to make your four brightgood boys drunkards, and finish up the job and land 'em in thedrunkard's grave, via the saloon and gutter. But if you stood by and seeit goin' on before your face as so many thousands of proud and lovin'fathers have to, you would think a million dollars of such blood moneywuz too cheap, yes indeed!

"That tells the hull story, Theodore, I could throw statistics at youtill you wuz black and blue, about our country spendin' for what isuseless and ruinous to soul, body and estate, one billion four hundredmillions a year, and about the hundred thousand drunkards that stumblealong into the staggerin' slobberin' ranks every year, and drop into thedrunkard's grave. I could eppisode eloquent to you about all this butwhat's the use; you're real smart and you know all about it. You've seenon every side on you the beast drivin' out the angel in man, you've seenthe staggerin' army march by you to ruin. You've seen the saloons springup by the thousands on every side, for the purpose of makin' drunkards, you've seen wives murdered by them that promised to protect 'em, you'veseen children driv to starvation and the streets by it; you've seenPoverty drive Prosperity out everywhere the curse fell. And you've seennothin' good come from it, nothin' at all, only the money that Uncle Samtakes with one hand, and pays out with the other, for law's machinery topunish the criminals he makes, and prisons, jails, reformatories, poorhouses, orphan's homes, cheap coffins, etc. 

"No use my tellin' you all this for you know it, but you love your boys, and I want you to promise me to do by other boys as you'd want me to doby yourn if I see the Saloon tryin' its best to entice 'em, and seetheir bright innocent eyes beginnin' to enjoy the deathly glitter on't. You'd want me to slam that door to and keep 'em out. Put my shoulderblade agin it, prop it up with all the strength I could git holt on inlaw and gospel, so they couldn't git in. And that's what I want you todo, Theodore, I want you to help keep out other children jest as dear totheir fathers and mothers as your children are to you. And you know thatyou and their mother would ruther see 'em lay dead at your feet, than tosee 'em enter that door with the doom of the place on 'em. 

"It's a heavy door, Theodore, loaded down with greed and lowestpassions, you can't shet it alone, nor I can't, but I would feel guiltyas a dog if I didn't try my very best. Public Opinion backed by Law iswhat has got to slam that door to and lock it. But you and I can help, and you can do more than I can, and I want you to promise me to do allyou can. "

Agin I see he wuz strugglin' for speech, and I hurried to git my lastwords in, "I believe you want to do right, and I will encourage you bytellin' you that Josiah is goin' to vote for you, though we hain't gotnothin' agin Mr. Parker. He's close-mouthed, which is a good quality, though it can be carried too fur. 

"A neighbor of ourn had warned her girl to not be too familiar with thehired man, a good Christian he wuz too. And once when her ma wuz gone heasked her where the milk pail wuz, and she wantin' to be on the safeside wouldn't say a word. That wuz bein' too cautious, and a good manythink he's been a little too mute about some things, he didn't tell jestwhere his politics wuz. But then the tongue is a onruly member and hasto be curbed in, and I guess he means well. And Mr. Davis, too, ofcourse he's gittin' along in years. But jest think of Methusaler, Mr. Methusaler's folks would call Mr. Davis nothin' but a child. "

Here he blurted right out, "I hain't Theodore, though I've been took forhim before, I'm President of a Gas Company. "

I wuz mortified for most a minute, but come to think it over I knowedsuch seeds of truth as I'd been a scatterin' couldn't help but do goodeven if the sile wuzn't so rich as I'd spozed. 

CHAPTER XVI. 

Well, the next week we had a busy time, Josiah and Molly and I wentmostly together, Blandina most always meetin' Professor Aspire Toddsomewhere nigh the entrance, I guess it wuz planned, but 'tennyrate Iwuz willin', plan or no plan. 

And we visited every interestin' spot from Morocco to the Model City andfrom Physicial Culture Hall to Nevada. 

There wuz a meetin' that scientific folks held there, and its main aimseemed to be to make light of the religion of Christ. It madded Josiahdretfully, and he sez, "I feel it my duty as a deacon to go and give inmy testimony and break up such wicked doin's. "

Sez I, "Josiah you let 'em alone. You couldn't break it up, nothin' butthe power of the God they deny could do it. But we'll punish 'em by notgoin' near 'em. That will mortify 'em and mebby make 'em see where theystand, denyin' the power that gives em the breath they spend in suchfolly. " So when Sunday come agin we went to the same M. E. Meetin' houseand hearn a splendid sermon on what the Christian Religion had done forthe World. And we visited Lincoln's Cabin and I had probable fiftyemotions a minute all the time I wuz there thinkin' of that wise, child-hearted man and what he did for humanity. 

And I had about the same emotions in Grant's Log Cabin. Noble creeters, both on 'em! They wuz cramped for room in these humble homes, and wuzprobable put to it for comforts. But they have room enough now, theGreat World claims 'em, and they will walk down the ages togethercrowned with the love and reverence of the people. 

And Josiah wanted to see the Boer War, and though a war wuz nothin' Iwanted to see I felt I musn't cross him. And all the while I sot thereseein' them contendin' armies contend I wuz thinkin' of poor Oom Pauland his brave fight for liberty, and at last losin' all and dyin'broken-hearted in a strange land. 

But onbeknown to myself these words come to me:

"The mills of the gods grind slowlyBut they grind exceedingly small. "

I can't look ahead and see jest what they're grindin' out for this bravepeople and them that conquered 'em, nor Josiah can't. 

And I took solid comfort in the Hall of Lady Managers seein' how wellthey managed. In this Exposition there is no seperate place fenced offfor wimmen's exhibit. They carry the idee here that good work is equallyvaluable when done by man or woman. They claim that works of art, invention, manufacture, etc. , are as sexless as religion, and you knowour Lord said plain of men and wimmen, "Ye are one in Christ. "

I wuz glad enough to see it, it seems to bring us nigher to the day ofjustice and true liberty for all. That glorious day hain't dawned yet(wimmen are still classed in law with idiots, criminals and lunaticks). But by standin' on tip-toe I can catch a faint glow in the East showin'that the day is goin' to break in rosy splendor bime-by. 

I cant begin to tell jest where we went or what we see, enough'tennyrate I felt to last me through life, but time hurried on jest asusual and brought the last days of our stay here. 

I told Josiah that I never would go home without seein' PresidentFrancis and thankin' him for the treat he'd gin us. 

Josiah didn't want to go but I sez, "David will expect it of me, it'sonly showin' him common politeness. You know I brought the children upto always thank the folks that entertained 'em. And such a entertainmentas this! Do you spoze I am goin' to slight and mortify him by notnoticin' it and thankin' him? No, indeed!"

Josiah argyed and said that "he guessed if everybody follered David upand thanked him he would have his hands full. "

"But, " I sez, "Other folks can do as they're a mind to, I shall do myduty, " so I went up to his office follered by a onwillin' Josiah, andadvanced towards him where he sot alone at his desk. 

He's a dretful handsome man, sometimes smart men are humbly, and it is atreat to find one that combines beauty, smartness, and faculty, for ittook more than smartness alone to plan this show, it took faculty andtack, sights and sights of tack. For as I told him, after I'd introducedmyself and shook hands cordially with him, sez I:

"I couldn't leave without thankin' you for the great treat you've ginus, and to tell you how I appreciate what you've done for us. " Sez I, "I'm a housekeeper and know what it is to fix up for company and howmuch work it is to git two or three rooms and the front steps and dooryard all right for half a dozen folks for jest one afternoon, and thento clear up and ornament as you have more'n twelve hundred acres, andhave so many visitors come right onto you and settle down for a sixmonths' stay, I don't see how you stand it. 

"Why last winter I had six of the relation on my side and on hisen, snowbound to our house for a week, and I thought I should go distractedtryin' to keep the house clean, and suit 'em all in vittles, and some on'em jealous thinkin' I gin the others a better bed, and the otherrelation comin' in to see 'em and kinder disputin' and twittin' 'em asrelation will, and kinder jealous of me because they wuz visitin' meinstead of them, and my folks callin' me extravagant in vittles--I had adretful time. And what wuz it compared to what you're goin' through withfifteen thousand visitors settlin' right down on you for a six months'visit, some on 'em smart and high headed, some not knowin' putty, somegood-natered and easy to please, some quarrelsome, some awful petickularand fussy about their vittles, some that will eat dogs, some too dressy, some that will go most naked, and hundreds of millions comin' and goin'all the time, and more than thirty millions of your own folkscomplainin' and sassin' you as your own folks will. Payin' out fiftymillions and mebby called extravagant for it--why what a time you'rehavin'!

"And I wanted to tell you how I appreciated what you're goin' through, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for givin' me and Josiah sucha great treat, and also Blandina. 

"And if you ever come to Jonesville I want you to feel free to comeright to our house and stay as long as you can. Though of course I can'tdo for you what you've done for me, but I'll kill a hen and make a bagpuddin', and do the best I can. "

He thanked me real polite and said "if he wuz ever in Jonesville heshould certainly come and see me. "

And I sez, "How I do wish it wuz so you could come this fall. We'regoin' to have a big Harvest Entertainment for the benefit of the Grange, and you do have such a talent for gittin' up sunthin' interestin', youradvice would be onvaluable about ornamentin' the hall and givin' 'em alla equal show. Of course every mother wants her children to speak theopenin' piece, and every man wants the best place to show off hissquashes and rutabagers. Pomona wants the hall trimmed one way, andCerius 'tother way, whilst Flora and Hygea are settin' on the fence. Id'no how it will turn out and whether or not it will lead to bloodshed. 

"If we only had your faculty and your tack to fall back on what a boonit would be, for you must have gone through with as much agin witheverybody wantin' the best place. 

"But I know it is too much to ask of you with all this doin's on yourhands, millions of visitors comin' and goin' and thousands of help tolook after, and I shan't say a word to you about it, only wishin' youcould be there to enjoy it with us when it is ready. 

"And now thankin' you agin for all you've done for us I will bid youadoo. " And I shook hands with him almost warmly. 

He seemed glad and relieved about sunthin' as we took leave, I guess itwuz because I thought so high on him. 

And bein' wunk at by me, Josiah Allen advanced and held out his hand andsaid, "how de do, " and "good-bye, " at the same time, and I sez to kindersmooth it over, "In this world, Mr. Francis, it is hail and farewelltime and agin. "

And then we bowed ourselves out, I'd told Josiah to be sure and not turnhis back. And we got along first-rate, only onfortinat'ly jest as we gotto the door we backed into the Chinese Minister and his party who wuzjest comin' in. 

But then, as I told Josiah as we went down the steps when he wuz blamin'me for this _contrary temps_, as men always will blame their pardnersfor most everything, I sez:

"China is used to bein' backed into by foreigners, I guess they'lloverlook it. "

I didn't bandy words with Josiah, I knowed I'd done my duty and thatkep' me serene. When you're follerin' a star you don't mind the bite ofa nat. 

The last week of our stay in St. Louis Aunt Trypheny on leavin' the Fairground one day wuz struck by the twenty-mule team that perambulates theground, was knocked down and carried to an emergency hospital on theFair ground. The head doctor there wuz Miss Huff's nephew, and she got alittle room for her till she could be moved with safety. 

The day before we went home Josiah went down into the city to do a fewerrents for the bretheren, Blandina had gone with Aspire Todd to visit asister of hisen (they wuz engaged), and I had been to work gittin' readyto leave the next mornin', and Molly and I wuz goin' in the afternoon totake a last look at the Fair, and she come into my room as I wuz gittin'my bunnet on with her hands full of the most beautiful flowers she couldget, and proposed that we should go and see Aunt Pheeny and cheer her upa little. 

Sweet creeter, I hadn't thought on't. The hospital wuz quite a distanceoff from where we had laid out to go, and I knowed I would be tired as adog anyway. But not wantin' to be behind hand in good works I said Iwould go with her, and I selected some of the nicest of the fruit I hadbought to take home to the grandchildren, and put in my silk bag forher, and put on my mantilly and told her I wuz ready. And then that dearchild proposed we should take Dorothy with us, knowin' Aunt Tryphenywould ruther see her than any Emperor or Zar, and I gin my consent tothat, and we sot off, Dotie happy as a Queen at goin' with us. 

Well, Aunt Pheeny wuz glad enough to see us, specially Dorothy. But wefound her blissful in mind anyway for she told us the first thing herPrince Arthur had been there to see her and had been gone only a fewminutes, and she showed us a couple of gold pieces he had gin her, bigenough to bear witness to his goodness of heart as well as his wealth. She said with her linement all aglow (she never liked her) that hismother had died two months ago leaving him a free man, he had stayedwith her and devoted himself to her because he thought it wuz his duty, and since her death he had been on a long journey, it seemed, she said, as if he wuz hunting for something or other, though what she didn'tknow. And he had promised her that some time in the future she shouldcome and live with him, and sez she, with her characterestic irreligion, "If I had my choice to live with him or in heaven I wouldn't look atheaven. " The idee! We give her the fruit and flowers and asked her ifshe had everything for her comfort, and she said:

"Yes, indeed! 'tain't much here like the ironfirmary I wuz sent to inChicago. I wuz jest as white as you are, Miss Molly, when I went there, and them iggorent doctors jest turned my skin black as tar; I wuz somortified when I come to my senses and found what they'd done and I wuza nigger, I jest leaped out o' bed and rushed right out into the street, I wuz so mortified. But 'twuzn't no use, I wuz a nigger, and so I'vebeen ever since. "

And all the time she wuz tellin' this, Dotie's little white arms wuz'round her neck and she was pattin' the black cheeks. And as shefinished she said lovingly, "Pheeny is nice! Pheeny is pretty! Pheenyhas got white teef!" And indeed they did glisten like ivory in theblackness of her face as she held the baby clost to her heart with broadsmiles. 

Well, we made quite a long call and cheered her up considerable bylistenin' to some more of her most eloquent and unlikely fabrications, and then bid her good-bye. A man's gray kid glove lay on the table and alittle book, and she said Prince Arthur had forgot them. 

Well, jest as we passed out of the long corridor, Dotie, who wuz lookingback, cried out, "There is Pheeny's Prince Arthur!" And refused to stiranother step till she went back to see him. She said Aunt Pheeny hadshowed her his picture and that wuz the Prince that could do anything. Aunt Pheeny I spoze had filled her mind full of stories of hisperfections, she said he'd gone back to git his glove and book, and shewould wait and see him. 

I wuz in a hurry and wuz for goin' on, but Molly, sweet-natured thing, said we might sit down on the bench for a few minutes and then Dotiewould be willing to go. So we sot down and Dotie begun to state withmuch excitement her reasons for wanting to stay, sez she:

"Billy has been bolsting to me that he see a Prince to the Fair, a reallive meat Prince. He wuz bolsting about it, and said Aunt Pheeny didn'thave no Prince, but I see his picture my own self, and I'll let Billyknow that Aunt Pheeny did have a nice live, meat Prince and I see him. And there he comes now!" sez she, she wuz a little in advance of us andcould see furder. And sure enough we hearn a quick light step comingdown the corridor, it come nigher and nigher, a handsome elegant-lookingyoung man turned the corner right by us, Molly looked up--and had thedesire of her heart. 

 * * * * *

He left his friend's house and Molly, thinking his duty kept him by hismother, and he had decided it was wrong to ask a young happy girl toenter the shadow of selfish invalidism with him. He didn't say jestthat, but I knowed it from what he didn't say as well as from what hedid. The minute he wuz free he had flown to his friends where they hadmet. The house wuz closed, the family in Europe, he didn't know where, he had tried in vain to find her, and wuz jest on the eve of departingfor Europe that afternoon to try to find his friends hoping to get aclue of her. Had she not gone to the hospital that day, had she come alittle earlier or a little later, had she not humored Dorothy bywaiting, they would not have met. That's what worldlings might say, butI didn't say it even to myself. She wuz safe, she could not have beeneither too early or too late. She had like a little child, asking its pafor a gift, asked her Lord for the desire of her heart and jest as hepromised, he brought it to pass, usin' that bare corridor jest as hemight the Valley of the Nile, or the Rocky Mountains if necessary. Thehull world is but a tiny doorstep leadin' up to the shinin' pavilion ofdivine love. 

They wuz led towards each other, she couldn't miss her way, he couldn't. The broad ocean rolled between 'em and mountain and valley, but they wuzboth led by the hand like two little children out May-flowering withtheir ma--they _had_ to meet. 

Well, Josiah met us, accordin' to promise in front of Festival Hall, andwe stayed to the illumination, Dotie havin' gone home with Miss Huffbefore dark. 

Molly and Arthur stood on the high terrace with light fallin' all 'round'em and before 'em, their faces needin' no light, so bright wuz theywith heart sunshine. Josiah and I sot a little in the shadder, but wherewe could see plain. And one by one like brilliant jewels dropped from anendless storehouse of glory, lights sprung out along the front of thestately white palaces, adown the broad avenues they shone in gleamin'lines and clusters, and starred with brilliance all the long gloriousvistas. Broad beams of crimson, gold and azure changin' every minutefell on the cascades, the flowers gleamed out from the emerald grasslike jewels of every color. 

Music riz softly from the lagoon, the great organ pealed out intriumphant notes, and my heart boyed up on waves of beauty and melodyfollered the strains heavenward as if it didn't ever want to come backagin to earth and Jonesville. 

But as my eye fell on Josiah's face I knowed that where the star of Lovewent it wuz my duty and joy to foller it. He wuz gittin' worrisome andwanted to go, and so I sez:

"Beautiful! beautiful! Ivory City, farewell!"