SAMANTHA

AMONG THE BRETHREN. 

By

"Josiah Allen's Wife"

(Marietta Holley)

Part 5

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Josiah's face wuz smooth and placid, he hadn't took a mite of sense ofwhat I had been a-sayin', and I knew it. Men don't. They know at themost it is only _talk_, wimmen hain't got it in their power to _do_anything. And I s'pose they reason on it in this way--a little windstorm is soon over, it relieves old Natur and don't hurt anything. 

Yes, my pardner's face wuz as calm as the figger on the outside of thealmanac a-holdin' the bottle, and his axent wuz mildly wonderin' andgently sarcestickle. 

"How a steeple would look a-pintin' down! That is a true woman's idee. "

[Illustration: SISTER FILKINS. ]

Sez I, "I would have it a-pintin' down towards the depths of darknessthat wuz in that man's heart that roze it up, and the infamy of the deedthat kep him in the meetin' house and turned his victim out of it. "

"I d'no as she wuz his victim, " sez Josiah. 

Sez I, "Every one knows that in the first place Simeon Lathers wuz theman that led her astray. "

"It wuzn't proved, " sez Josiah, a-turnin' the almanac over and lookin'at the advertisement on the back side on't. 

"And why wuzn't it proved?" sez I, "because he held a big piece of goldagainst the mouths of the witnesses. "

"I didn't see any in front of my mouth, " sez Josiah, lookin' 'shamed butsome composed. 

"And you know what the story wuz, " sez he, "accordin' to that, he did itall to try her faith. "

I wouldn't encourage Josiah by even smilin' at his words, though I knewwell what the story wuz he referred to. 

It wuz at a Conference meetin', when Simeon Lathers wuz jest a-beginnin'to take notice of how pretty Irene Filkins wuz. 

She had gone forward to the anxious seat, with some other young females, their minds bein' wrought on, so it wuz spozed, by Deacon Lathers'seloquent exhortations, and urgin's to 'em to come forward and be saved. 

And they had gone up onto the anxious seat a-sheddin' tears, and theyall knelt down there, and Deacon Lathers he went right up and knelt downright by Sister Irene Filkins, and them that wuz there say, that rightwhile he wuz a-prayin' loud and strong for 'em all, and her specially, he put his arm round her and acted in such a way that she resented itbitterly. 

She wuz a good, virtuous girl then, any way. 

And she resented his overtoors in such a indignant and decided way thatit drawed the attention of a hull lot of brothers and sisters towards'em. 

And Deacon Lathers got right up from his knees and sez, "Bretheren andsisters, let us sing these lines:

 "He did it all to try her faith. "

I remembered this story, but I wuzn't goin' to encourage Josiah Allenby lettin' my attention be drawed off by any anectotes--nor I didn'tsmile--oh, no I But I went right on with a hull lot of burnin'indignatin in my axents, and sez I, "Josiah Allen, can you look me inthe face and say that it wuzn't money and bad men's influence that keepsuch men as Deacon Widrig and Simeon Lathers in the meetin' house?" SezI, "If they wuz poor men would they have been kep', or if it wuzn't forthe influence of men that like hard drink?"

"Wall, as it were, " sez Josiah, "I--that is--wall, it is a-gettin'bed-time, Samantha. "

And he wound up the clock and went to bed. 

And I set there, all rousted up in my mind, for more'n a hour--and Idropped more'n seven stitches in Josiah's heel, and didn't care if Idid. 

But I have episoded fearfully, and to resoom and go on. 

Miss Henn wuz mad, and she wuz one of our most enterprizen' sisters, andwe felt that she wuz a great loss. 

Things looked dretful dark. And Sister Bobbet, who is very tenderhearted, shed tears several times a-talkin' about the hard times thathad come onto our meetin' house, and how Zion wuz a-languishin', etc. , etc. 

And I told Sister Bobbet in confidence, and also in public, that it wuztime to talk about Zion's languishin' when we had done all we could tohelp her up. And I didn't believe Zion would languish so much if she hada little help gin her when she needed it. 

And Miss Bobbet said "she felt jest so about it, but she couldn't helpbein' cast down. " And so most all of the sisters said. Submit Tewksburywept, and shed tears time and agin, a-talkin' about it, and so severalof 'em did. But I sez to 'em--

"Good land!" sez I. "We have seen jest as hard times in the Methodistmeetin' house before, time and agin, and we wimmen have always laid holtand worked, and laid plans, and worked, and worked, and with the Lord'shelp have sailed the old ship Zion through the dark waters into safety, and we can do it agin. "

Though what we wuz to do we knew not, and the few male men who didn'tjine in the hardness, said they couldn't see no way out of it, but whatthe minister would have to go, and the meetin' house be shet up for aspell. 

But we female wimmen felt that we could not have it so any way. And wejined together, and met in each other's housen (not publickly, oh no! weknew our places too well as Methodist Sisters). 

We didn't make no move in public, but we kinder met round to eachother's housen, sort o' private like, and talked, and talked, andprayed--we all knew that wuzn't aginst the church rules, so we jestrastled in prayer, for help to pay our honest debts, and keep theMethodist meetin' house from disgrace, for the men wuz that worked upand madded, that they didn't seem to care whether the meetin' house cometo nothin' or not. 

Wall, after settin' day after day (not public settin', oh, no! we knewour places too well, and wouldn't be ketched a-settin' public till wehad a right to). 

After settin' and talkin' it over back and forth, we concluded the verybest thing we could do wuz to give a big fair and try to sell thingsenough to raise some money. 

It wuz a fearful tuff job we had took onto ourselves, for we had got tomake all the things to sell out of what we could get holt of, for, ofcourse, our husbands all kep the money purses in their own hands, asthe way of male pardners is. But we laid out to beset 'em when they wuzcleverer than common (owin' to extra good vittles) and get enough moneyout of 'em to buy the materials to work with, bedquilts (crazy, andotherwise), embroidered towels, shawl straps, knit socks and suspenders, rugs, chair covers, lap robes, etc. , etc. , etc. 

It wuz a tremendus hard undertakin' we had took onto ourselves, with allour spring's work on hand, and not one of us Sisters kep a hired girlat the time, and we had to do our own house cleanin', paintin' floors, makin' soap, spring sewin', etc. , besides our common housework. 

But the very worst on't wuz the meetin' house wuz in such a shape thatwe couldn't do a thing till that wuz fixed. 

The men had undertook to fix over the meetin' house jest before thehardness commenced. The men and wimmen both had labored side by side tofix up the old house a little. 

The men had said that in such church work as that wimmen had a perfectright to help, to stand side by side with the male brothers, and dohalf, or more than half, or even _all_ the work. They said it wuzn'taginst the Discipline, and all the Bishops wuz in favor of it, andalways had been. They said it wuz right accordin' to the Articles. Butwhen it come to the hard and arjuous duties of drawin' salleries with'em, or settin' up on Conferences with 'em, why there a line had tobe drawed, wimmen must not be permitted to strain herself in no suchways--nor resk the tender delicacy of her nature, by settin' in ameetin' house as a delegate by the side of a man once a year. It wuz tooresky. But we could lay holt and work with 'em in public, or in private, which we felt wuz indeed a privelege, for the interests of the Methodistmeetin' house wuz dear to our hearts, and so wuz our pardners'approvals--and they wuz all on 'em unanimus on this pint--we could_work_ all we wanted to. 

So we had laid holt and worked right along with the men from day to day, with their full and free consents, and a little help from 'em, till wehad got the work partly done. We had got the little Sabbath-school roompainted and papered, and the cushions of the main room new covered, andwe had engaged to have it frescoed, but the frescoer had turned out tobe a perfect fraud, and, of all the lookin' things, that meetin' housewuz about the worst. The plaster, or whatever it wuz he had put on, hadto be all scraped off before it could be papered, the paper wuz bought, and the scrapin' had begun. 

[Illustration: "APPEARIN' IN PUBLIC. "]

The young male and female church members had give a public concerttogether, and raised enough money to get the paper--it wuz very nice, and fifty cents a roll (double roll). These young females appearin' inpublic for this purpose wuz very agreeable to the hull meetin' house, and wuz right accordin' to the rules of the Methodist Meetin' House, forI remember I asked about it when the question first come up aboutsendin' female delegates to the Conference, and all the male members ofour meetin' house wuz so horrified at the idee. 

I sez, "I'll bet there wouldn't one of the delegates yell half so loudes she that wuz Mahala Gowdey at the concert. Her voice is a sulferinoof the very keenest edge and highest tone, and she puts in sights andsights of quavers. "

But they all said that wuz a _very_ different thing. 

And sez I, "How different? She wuz a yellin' in public for the goodof the Methodist Meetin' House (it wuz her voice that drawed the bigcongregatin, we all know). And them wimmen delegates would only have to'yea' and 'nay' in a still small voice for the good of the same. I can'tsee why it would be so much more indelicate and unbecomin' in them"--andsez I, "they would have bonnets and shawls on, and she that wuz Mahalahad on a low neck and short sleeves. " But they wouldn't yield, and Iwouldn't nuther. 

But I am a eppisodin fearful, and to resoom. Wall, as I said, thescrapin' had begun. One side of the room wuz partly cleaned so the papercould go on, and then the fuss come up, and there it wuz, as you maysay, neither hay nor grass, neither frescoed nor papered nor nuthin'. And of all the lookin' sights it wuz. 

Wall, of course, if we had a fair in that meetin' house, we couldn'thave it in such a lookin' place to disgrace us in the eyes of Baptistsand 'Piscopals. 

No, that meetin' house had got to be scraped, and we wimmen had got todo the scrapin' with case knives. 

It wuz a hard job. I couldn't help thinkin' quite a number of thoughtsas I stood on a barell with a board acrost it, afraid as death offallin' and a workin' for dear life, and the other female sisters astandin' round on similar barells, all a-workin' fur beyond theirstrengths, and all afraid of fallin', and we all a-knowin' what we hadgot ahead on us a paperin' and a gettin' up the fair. 

CHAPTER XIX. 

Couldn't help a-methinkin' to myself several times. It duz seem to methat there hain't a question a-comin' up before that Conference thatis harder to tackle than this plasterin' and the conundrum that is upbefore us Jonesville wimmen how to raise 300 dollars out of nuthin', andto make peace in a meetin' house where anarky is now rainin' down. 

But I only thought these thoughts to myself, fur I knew every womenthere wuz peacible and law abidin' and there wuzn't one of 'em butwhat would ruther fall offen her barell then go agin the rules of theMethodist Meetin' House. 

Yes, I tried to curb down my rebellous thoughts, and did, pretty muchall the time. And good land! we worked so hard that we hadn't timeto tackle very curius and peculier thoughts, them that wuz dretfulstrainin' and wearin' on the mind. Not of our own accord we didn't, furwe had to jest nip in and work the hull durin' time. 

[Illustration: "EVERY NIGHT JOSIAH WOULD TACKLE ME ON IT. "]

And then we all knew how deathly opposed our pardners wuz to our takin'any public part in meetin' house matters or mountin' rostrums, and thatthought quelled us down a sight. 

Of course when these subjects wuz brung up before us, and turned roundand round in front of our eyes, why we had to look at 'em and be roustedup by 'em more or less. It was Nater. 

And Josiah not havin' anything to do evenin's only to set and look atthe ceilin'. Every single night when I would go home from the meetin'house, Josiah would tackle me on it, on the danger of allowin' wimmento ventur out of her spear in Meetin' House matters, and specially theConference. 

It begin to set in New York the very day we tackled the meetin' inJonesville with a extra grip. 

So's I can truly say, the Meetin' House wuz on me day and night. Forworkin' on it es I did, all day long, and Josiah a-talkin' abut it tillbed time, and I a-dreamin' abut it a sight, that, and the Conference. 

Truly, if I couldn't set on the Conference, the Conference sot on me, from mornin' till night, and from night till mornin'. 

I spoze it wuz Josiah's skairful talk that brung it onto me, it wuzbrung on nite mairs mostly, in the nite time. 

He would talk _very_ skairful, and what he called deep, and repeat pagesof Casper Keeler's arguments, and they would appear to me (drawed alsoby nite mairs) every page on 'em lookin' fairly lurid. 

I suffered. 

Josiah would set with the _World_ and other papers in his hand, a-perusin' of 'em, while I would be a-washin' up my dishes, and the veryminute I would get 'em done and my sleeves rolled down, he would tackleme, and often he wouldn't wait for me to get my work done up, or evensupper got, but would begin on me as I filled up my tea kettle, and keepup a stiddy drizzle of argument till bed time, and as I say, when heleft off, the nite mairs would begin. 

I suffered beyond tellin' almost. 

The secont night of my arjuous labors on the meetin' house, he beganwild and eloquent about wimmen bein' on Conferences, and mountin'rostrums. And sez he, "That is suthin' that we Methodist men can'tstand. "

[Illustration: "IS ROSTRUMS MUCH HIGHER THAN THEM BARELLS TO STAND ON?"]

And I, havin' stood up on a barell all day a-scrapin' the ceilin', andnot bein' recuperated yet from the skairtness and dizziness of my day'swork, I sez to him:

"Is rostrums much higher than them barells we have to stand on to themeetin' house?"

And Josiah said, "it wuz suthin' altogether different. " And he assuredme agin, "That in any modest, unpretendin' way the Methodist Church wuz willin'to accept wimmen's work. It wuzn't aginst the Discipline. And that iswhy, " sez he, "that wimmen have all through the ages been allowed to domost all the hard work in the church--such as raisin' money for churchwork--earnin' money in all sorts of ways to carry on the different kindsof charity work connected with it--teachin' the children, nursin' thesick, carryin' on hospital work, etc. , etc. But, " sez he, "this isfur, fur different from gettin' up on a rostrum, or tryin' to set on aConference. Why, " sez he, in a haughty tone, "I should think they'd knowwithout havin' to be told that laymen don't mean women. "

Sez I, "Them very laymen that are tryin' to keep wimmen out of theConference wouldn't have got in themselves if it hadn't been forwimmen's votes. If they can legally vote for men to get in why can't menvote for them?"

"That is the pint, " sez Josiah, "that is the very pint I have beentryin' to explain to you. Wimmen can help men to office, but men can'thelp wimmen; that is law, that is statesmanship. I have been a-tryin' toexplain it to you that the word laymen _always_ means woman when she canhelp men in any way, but _not_ when he can help her, or in any othersense. "

Sez I, "It seemed to mean wimmen when Metilda Henn wuz turned out of themeetin' house. "

"Oh, yes, " sez Josiah in a reasonin' tone, "the word laymen always meanswimmen when it is used in a punishin' and condemnatory sense, or in thecase of work and so fourth, but when it comes to settin' up in highplaces, or drawin' sallerys, or anything else difficult, it alweys meansmen. "

Sez I, in a very dry axent, "Then the word man, when it is used inchurch matters, always means wimmen, so fur as scrubbin' is concerned, and drowdgin' round?"

"Yes, " sez Josiah haughtily, "And it always means men in the higher andmore difficult matters of decidin' questions, drawin' sallerys, settin'on Conferences, etc. It has long been settled to be so, " sez he. 

"Who settled it?" sez I. 

"Why the men, of course, " sez he. "The men have always made the rulesof the churches, and translated the Bibles, and everything else that isdifficult, " sez he. Sez I, in fearful dry axents, almost husky ones, "Itseems to take quite a knack to know jest when the word laymen means menand when it means wimmen. "

"That is so, " sez Josiah. "It takes a man's mind to grapple with it;wimmen's minds are too weak to tackle it It is jest as it is with thatword 'men' in the Declaration of Independence. Now that word 'men', inthat Declaration, means men some of the time, and some of the time menand wimmen both. It means both sexes when it relates to punishment, taxin' property, obeyin' the laws strictly, etc. , etc. , and then it goesright on the very next minute and means men only, as to wit, namely, votin', takin' charge of public matters, makin' laws, etc. 

"I tell you it takes deep minds to foller on and see jest to a hairwhere the division is made. It takes statesmanship. 

"Now take that claws, 'All men are born free and equal. '

"Now half of that means men, and the other half men and wimmen. Now tounderstand them words perfect you have got to divide the tex. 'Men areborn. ' That means men and wimmen both--men and wimmen are both born, nobody can dispute that. Then comes the next claws, 'Free and equal. 'Now that means men only--anybody with one eye can see that. 

"Then the claws, 'True government consists. ' That means men and wimmenboth--consists--of course the government consists of men and wimmen, 'twould be a fool who would dispute that. 'In the consent of thegoverned. ' That means men alone. Do you see, Samantha?" sez he. 

I kep' my eye fixed on the tea kettle, fer I stood with my tea-pot inhand waitin' for it to bile--"I see a great deal, Josiah Allen. "

[Illustration: CHURCH WORK. ]

"Wall, " sez he, "I am glad on't. Now to sum it up, " sez he, with somethe mean of a preacher--or, ruther, a exhauster--"to sum the matter allup, the words 'bretheren, ' 'laymen, ' etc. , always means wimmen so furas this: punishment for all offenses, strict obedience to the rules ofthe church, work of any kind and all kinds, raisin' money, givin' moneyall that is possible, teachin' in the Sabbath school, gettin' upmissionary and charitable societies, carryin' on the same with no helpfrom the male sect leavin' that sect free to look after their half ofthe meanin' of the word--sallerys, office, makin' the laws that bindboth of the sexes, rulin' things generally, translatin' Bibles to suittheir own idees, preachin' at 'em, etc. , etc. Do you see, Samantha?" sezhe, proudly and loftily. 

"Yes, " sez I, as I filled up my tea-pot, for the water had at lastbiled. "Yes, I see. "

And I spoze he thought he had convinced me, for he acted high headederand haughtier for as much as an hour and a half. And I didn't sayanything to break it up, for I see he had stated it jest as he and allhis sect looked at it, and good land! I couldn't convince the hull malesect if I tried--clergymen, statesmen and all--so I didn't try, and Iwuz truly beat out with my day's work, and I didn't drop more than oneidee more. I simply dropped this remark es I poured out his tea and putsome good cream into it--I merely sez:

"There is three times es many wimmen in the meetin' house es there ismen. "

"Yes, " sez he, "that is one of the pints I have been explainin' to you, "and then he went on agin real high headed, and skairt, about the oldground, of the willingness of the meetin' house to shelter wimmen in itsfolds, and how much they needed gaurdin' and guidin', and about theirdelicacy of frame, and how unfitted they wuz to tackle anything hard, and what a grief it wuz to the male sect to see 'em a-tryin' to set onConferences or mount rostrums, etc. , etc. 

And I didn't try to break up his argument, but simply repeated thequestion I had put to him--for es I said before, I wuz tired, andskairt, and giddy yet from my hard labor and my great and hazarduselevatin'; I had not, es you may say, recovered yet from myrecuperation, and so I sez agin them words--

"Is rostrums much higher than them barells to stand on?" And Josiah saidagin, "it wuz suthin' entirely different;" he said barells and rostrumswuz so fur apart that you couldn't look at both on 'em in one dayhardly, let alone a minute. And he went on once more with a longargument full of Bible quotations and everything. 

And I wuz too tuckered out to say much more. But I did contend for it tothe last, that I didn't believe a rostrum would be any more tottlin' andskairful a place than the barell I had been a-standin' on all day, northe work I'd do on it any harder than the scrapin' of the ceilin' ofthat meetin house. 

And I don't believe it would, I stand jest as firm on it to-day as I didthen. 

CHAPTER XX. 

Wall, we got the scrapin' done after three hard and arjous days' works, and then we preceeded to clean the house. The day we set to clean themeetin' house prior and before paperin', we all met in good season, forwe knew the hardships of the job in front of us, and we all felt that wewanted to tackle it with our full strengths. 

Sister Henzy, wife of Deacon Henzy, got there jest as I did. She wuz inmiddlin' good spirits and a old yeller belzerine dress. 

Sister Gowdy had the ganders and newraligy and wore a flannel for 'emround her head, but she wuz in workin' spirits, her will wuz up in arms, and nerved up her body. 

Sister Meechim wuz a-makin' soap, and so wuz Sister Sypher, and SisterMead, and me. But we all felt that soap come after religion, not before. "Cleanliness _next_ to godliness. "

So we wuz all willin' to act accordin' and tackle the old meetin' housewith a willin' mind. 

Wall, we wuz all engaged in the very heat of the warfare, as you maysay, a-scrubbin' the floors, and a-scourin' the benches by the door, and a-blackin' the 2 stoves that stood jest inside of the door. We wuzworkin' jest as hard as wimmen ever worked--and all of the wimmen whowuzn't engaged in scourin' and moppin' wuz a-settin' round in the pewsa-workin' hard on articles for the fair--when all of a suddin theoutside door opened and in come Josiah Allen with 3 of the other menbretheren. 

They had jest got the great news of wimmen bein' apinted forDeaconesses, and had come down on the first minute to tell us. She thatwuz Celestine Bobbet wuz the only female present that had heard of it. 

Josiah had heard it to the post-office, and he couldn't wait till noonto tell me about it, and Deacon Gowdy wuz anxius Miss Gowdy should hearit as soon es possible. Deacon Sypher wanted his wife to know at oncethat if she wuzn't married she could have become a deaconess under hisderectin'. 

And Josiah wanted me to know immegietly that I, too, could have had theprivilege if I had been a more single woman, of becomin' a deaconess, and have had the chance of workin' all my hull life for the meetin'house, with a man to direct my movements and take charge on me, and tellme what to do, from day to day and from hour to hour. 

And Deacon Henzy was anxious Miss Henzy should get the news as quick asshe could. So they all hastened down to the meetin' house to tell us. 

And we left off our work for a minute to hear 'em. It wuzn't nowherenear time for us to go home. 

Josiah had lots of further business to do in Jonesville and so had theother men. But the news had excited 'em, and exhilerated 'em so, thatthey had dropped everything, and hastened right down to tell us, andthen they wuz a-goin' back agin immegietly. 

I, myself, took the news coolly, or as cool as I could, with mytemperature up to five or five and a half, owin' to the hard work andthe heat. 

[Illustration: THE LAST NEWS FROM THE CONFERENCE. ]

Miss Gowdy also took it pretty calm. She leaned on her mop handle, partly for rest (for she was tuckered out) and partly out of goodmanners, and didn't say much. 

But Miss Sypheris such a admirin'woman, she looked fairly radiant at thenews, and she spoke up to her husband in her enthusiastik warm-heartedway--

"Why, Deacon Sypher, is it possible that I, too, could become a deacon, jest like you?"

"No, " sez Deacon Sypher solemnly, "no, Drusilly, not like me. But youwimmen have got the privelege now, if you are single, of workin' allyour days at church work under the direction of us men. "

"Then I could work at the Deacon trade under you, " sez she admirin'ly, "I could work jest like you--pass round the bread and wine and thecontribution box Sundays?"

"Oh, no, Drusilly, " sez he condesendinly, "these hard and arjuous dutysbelong to the male deaconship. That is their own one pertickiler work, that wimmen can't infringe upon. Their hull strength is spent in theseduties, wimmen deacons have other fields of labor, such as relievin'the wants of the sick and sufferin', sittin' up nights with small-poxpatients, takin' care of the sufferin' poor, etc. , etc. "

"But, " sez Miss Sypher (she is so good-hearted, and so awful fond of thedeacon), "wouldn't it be real sweet, Deacon, if you and I could worktogether as deacons, and tend the sick, relieve the sufferers--work forthe good of the church together--go about doin' good?"

"No, Drusilly, " sez he, "that is wimmen's work. I would not wish for amoment to curtail the holy rights of wimmen. I wouldn't want to stand inher way, and keep her from doin' all this modest, un-pretendin' work, for which her weaker frame and less hefty brain has fitted her. 

"We will let it go on in the same old way. Let wimmen have the privelegeof workin' hard, jest as she always has. Let her work all the time, dayand night, and let men go on in the same sure old way of superentendin'her movements, guardin' her weaker footsteps, and bossin' her roundgenerally. "

Deacon Sypher is never happy in his choice of language, and his methodof argiment is such that when he is up on the affirmative of a question, the negative is delighted, for they know he will bring victery to theirside of the question. Now, he didn't mean to speak right out about men'susual way of bossin' wimmen round. It was only his unfortunate andtransparent manner of speakin'. 

And Deacon Bobbet hastened to cover up the remark by the statement that"he wuz so highly tickled that wimmen wuzn't goin' to be admitted to theConference, because it would _weaken_ the Conference. "

"Yes, " sez my Josiah, a-leanin' up aginst the meetin' house door, andtalkin' pretty loud, for Sister Peedick and me had gone to liftin' roundthe big bench by the door, and it wuz fearful heavy, and our minds wuzexcersised as to the best place to put it while we wuz a-cleanin' thefloor. 

"You see, " sez he, "we feel, we men do, we feel that it would beweakenin' to the Conference to have wimmen admitted, both on account ofher own lack of strength and also from the fact that every woman youwould admit would keep out a man. And that, " sez he (a-leanin' back ina still easier attitude, almust a luxurious one), "that, you see, wouldtend naterally to weakenin' the strength of a church. "

[Illustration: "WALL, " SEZ I, "MOVE ROUND A LITTLE, WON'T YOU, FOR WEWANT TO SET THE BENCH. "]

"Wall, " sez I, a-pantin' hard for breath under my burden, "move round alittle, won't you, for we want to set the bench here while we scrubunder it. And, " sez I, a-stoppin' a minute and rubbin' the perspiratinand sweat offen my face, "Seein' you men are all here, can't you layholt and help us move out the benches, so we can clean the floor under'em? Some of 'em are very hefty, " sez I, "and all of us Sisters almostare a-makin' soap, and we all want to get done here, so we can go homeand bile down; we would dearly love a little help, " sez I. 

"I would help, " sez Josiah in a willin' tone, "I would help in a minute, if I hadn't got so much work to do at home. "

And all the other male bretheren said the same thing--they had got togit to get home to get to work. (Some on 'em wanted to play checkers, and I knew it. )

But some on 'em did have lots of work on their hands, I couldn't disputeit. 

CHAPTER XXI. 

Why, Deacon Henzy, besides all his cares about the buzz saw mill, andhis farm work, had bought a steam threshin' machine that made him sightsof work. It was a good machine. But it wuz fairly skairful to see ita-steamin' and a-blowin' right along the streets of Jonesville withoutthe sign of a horse or ox or anything nigh it to draw it. A-puffin' outthe steam, and a-tearin' right along, that awful lookin' that it skairtshe that wuz Celestine Bobbet most into fits. 

She lived in a back place where such machines wuz unknown, and she hadcome home to her father's on a visit, and wuz goin' over to visit someof his folks that day, over to Loontown. 

And she wuz a-travellin' along peacible, with her father's old mair, anda-leanin' back in the buggy a readin' a article her father had sent overby her to Deacon Widrig, a witherin' article about female Deaconesses, and the stern necessity of settin' 'em apart and sanctifyen' 'em to thisone work--deacon work--and how they mustn't marry, or tackle any otherhard jobs whatsumever, or break off into any other enterprize, only jestplain deacon work. 

It wuz a very flowery article. And she wuz enjoyin' of it first rate, and a-thinkin', for she is a little timid and easily skairt, and thepiece had convinced her--

She wuz jest a-thinkin' how dretful it would be if sum female deaconessshould ever venter into some other branch of business, and what wouldbe apt to become of her if she did. She hated to think of what her doomwould most likely be, bein' tender hearted. 

[Illustration: "SHE SEE THIS WILD AND SKAIRFUL MACHINE APPROACHIN'. "]

When lo, and behold! jest as she wuz a-thinkin' these thoughts, she seethis wild and skairful machine approachin', and Deacon Henzy a-standin'up on top of it a-drivin'. He looked wild and excited, bein' verytickled to think that he had threshed more with his machine, by twentybushels, than Deacon Petengill had with his. There was a bet upon thesetwo deacons, so it wuz spozed, and he wuz a-hastenin' to the next placewhere he wuz to be setup, so's to lose no time, and he was kinderhollerin'. 

And the wind took his gray hair back, and his long side whiskers, andkinder stood 'em out, and the skirts of his frock the same. 

His mean wuz wild. 

And it wuz more than Celestine's old mair and she herself could bear;she cramped right round in the road (the mair did) and set sail back toold Bobbet'ses, and that great concern a-puffin' and a-steamin' alongafter 'em. 

And by the time that she that wuz Celestine got there she wuz almost ina fit, and the mair in a perfect lather. 

Wall, Celestine didn't get over it for weeks and weeks, nor the mairnuther. 

And besides this enterprize of Deacon Henzy's, he had got up a greatinvention, a new rat trap, that wuz peculier and uneek in the extreme. 

It wuz the result of arjous study on his part, by night and day, for along, long time, and it wuz what he called "A Travellin' Rat Trap. " Itwuz designed to sort o' chase the rats round and skair 'em. 

[Illustration: DEACON HENZY'S RAT TRAP (LIKE A CIRCUS FOR THE RATS). ]

It was spozed he got the idee in the first place from his threshin'machine. It had to be wound up, and then it would take after 'em--ratsor mice, or anything--and they do say that it wuz quite a success. 

Only it had to move on a smooth floor. It would travel round pretty muchall night; and they say that when it wuz set up in a suller, it wouldchase the rats back into their holes, and they would set there and lookout on it, for the biggest heft of the night. It would take up theirminds, and kep 'em out of vittles and other mischief. 

It wuz somethin' like providin' a circus for 'em. 

But howsumever, the Deacon wuz a-workin' at this; he wuzn't quitesatisfied with its runnin' gear, and he wuz a-perfectin' this rat trapevery leisure minute he had outside of his buzz saw and threshin'machine business, and so he wuz fearful busy. 

Deacon Sypher had took the agency for "The Wild West, or The Leaping CowBoy of the Plain, " and wuz doin' well by it. 

And Deacon Bobbet had took in a lot of mustangs to keep through thewinter. And he wuz a ridin' 'em a good deal, accordin' to contract, andtryin' to tame 'em some before spring. And this work, with the buzz saw, took up every minute of his time. For the mustangs throwed him a gooddeal, and he had to lay bound up in linements a good deal of the time, and arneky. 

[Illustration: "HE HAD TO LAY BOUND UP IN LINEMENTS A GOOD DEAL OF THETIME. "]

So, as I say, it didn't surprise me a mite to have 'em say they couldn'thelp us, for I knew jest how these jobs of theirn devoured their time. 

And when my Josiah had made his excuse, it wuzn't any more than I hadlooked out for, to hear Deacon Henzy say he had got to git home to ilehis threshin' machine. One of the cogs wuz out of gear in some way. 

He wanted to help us, so it didn't seem as if he could tear himselfaway, but that steam threshin' machine stood in the way. And then onhis way down to Jonesville that very mornin' a new idee had come to himabout that travellin' rat trap, and he wanted to get home jest as quickas he could, to try it. 

And Deacon Bobbet said that three of them mustangs he had took in tobreak had got to be rid that day, they wuz a gettin' so wild he didn'thardly dast to go nigh 'em. 

And Deacon Sypher said that he must hasten back, for a man wuz a-comin'to see him from way up on the State road, to try to get a agency underhim for "The Leaping Cow Boy of the Plain. " And he wanted to show the"Leaping Cow Boy" to some agents to the tavern in Jonesville on his wayhome, and to some wimmen on the old Plank road. Two or three of thewimmen had gin hopes that they would take the "Leaping Cow Boy. "

And then they said--the hull three of the deacons did--that any minutethem other deacons who wuz goin' into partnership with 'em in the buzzsaw business wuz liable to drive down to see 'em about it. 

And some of the other men brethren said their farms and their live stockdemanded the hull of their time--every minute of it. 

So we see jest how it wuz, we see these male deacons couldn't devote anyof their time to the meetin' house, nor those other brethren nuther. 

We see that their time wuz too valuable, and their own business devouredthe hull on it. And we married Sisters, who wuz acestemed to the strangeand mysterius ways of male men, we accepted the situation jest es wewould any other mysterius dispensation, and didn't say nothin'. 

Good land! We wuz used to curius sayin's and doin's, every one on us. Curius as a dog, and curiuser. 

But Sister Meechim (onmarried), she is dretful questinin' and inquirin'(men don't like her, they say she prys into subjects she's no businessto meddle with). She sez to Josiah:

"Why is it, Deacon Allen, that men deacons can carry on all sorts ofbusiness and still be deacons, while wimmen deacons are obleeged to giveup all other business and devote themselves wholly to their work?"

"It is on account of their minds, " sez Josiah. "Men have got strongerminds than wimmen, that is the reason. "

And Sister Meechim sez agin--

"Why is it that wimmen deacons have to remain onmarried, while mendeacons can marry one wife after another through a long life, that is, if they are took from 'em by death or a divorce lawyer?"

"Wall, " sez Josiah, "that, too, is on account of their brains. Theirbrains hain't so hefty es men's. "

But I jest waded into the argument then. I jest interfered, and sez in aloud, clear tone, "Oh, shaw!"

And then I sez further, in the same calm, clear tones, but dry as ever adry oven wuz in its dryest times. Sez I, "If you men can't help us any about the meetin' house, you'd better getout of our way, for we wimmen have got to go to scrubbin' right whereyou are a-standin'. "

"Certainly, " sez Josiah, in a polite axent, "certainly. "

And so the rest of the men said. 

And Josiah added to his remarks, as he went down the steps, "You'd better get home, Samantha, in time to cook a hen, and make somepuddin', and so forth. "

And I sez, with quite a lot of dignity, "Have I ever failed, JosiahAllen, to have good dinners for you, and on time too?"

"No, " sez he, "but I thought I would jest stop to remind you of it, and also to tell you the last news from the Conference, about thedeaconesses. "

And so they trailed down one after another, and left us to our workin the meetin' house; but as they disapered round the corner, SisterArvilly Lanfear, who hain't married, and who has got a sharp tongue(some think that is why, but I don't; I believe Arvilly has hadchances). 

But any way, she sez, as they went down the steps, "I'll bet them men wuz a-practisen' their new parts of mensuperentendents, and look on us as a lot of deaconesses. "

[Illustration: "JOSIAH ADDED TO HIS REMARKS. "]

"Wall, " sez Sister Gowdy--she loves to put on Arvilly--"wall, you havegot one qualificatin', Arvilly!"

"Yes, thank the Lord, " sez she. 

And I never asked what she meant, but knew well enough that she spoke ofher single state. But Arvilly has had chances, _I_ think. 

CHAPTER XXII. 

I got home in time to get a good supper, though mebbe I ortn't to sayit. 

Sure enough, Josiah Allen had killed a hen, and dressed it ready for meto brile, but it wuz young and tender, and I knew it wouldn't take long, so I didn't care. 

Good land! I love to humor him, and he knows it. Casper Keeler come injest as I wuz a-gettin' supper and I thought like as not he would stayto supper; I laid out to ask him. But I didn't take no more pains on hisaccount. No, I do jest as well by Josiah Allen from day to day, as if hewuz company, or lay out to. 

Casper came over on a errent about that buzz saw mill. He wuz in dretfulgood spirits, though he looked kinder peaked. 

He had jest got home from the city. 

It happened dretful curius, but jest at this time Casper Keeler had hadto go to New York on business. He had to sign some papers that nobodyelse couldn't sign. 

[Illustration: CASPER KEELER. ]

His mother had hearn of a investment there that promised to pay dretfulwell, so she had took a lot of stock in it, and it had riz right uppowerful. Why the money had increased fourfold, and more too, and Casperbein' jest come of age, had to go and sign suthin' or other. 

Wall, he went round and see lots of sights in New York. His ma's moneythat she had left him made him fairly luxurius as to comfort, and he hadplenty of money to go sight seein' as much as he wanted to. 

He went to all the theatres, and operas, and shows of all kinds, andmuseums, and the Brooklyn Bridge, and circuses, and receptions, and etcetery, et cetery. 

He wuz a-tellin' me how much money he spent while he wuz there, kinderboastin' on it; he had went to one of the biggest, highest taverns inthe hull village of New York, where the price wuz higher than the veryhighest pinakle on the top of it, fur higher. 

And I sez, "Did you go to the Wimmen's Exchange and the Workin' Wimmen'sAssociation, that wuz held there while you wuz there?"

And he acted real scorfin'. 

"Wimmen's work!" sez he. "No, indeed! I had too much on my hands, andtoo much comfort to take in higher circles, than to take in any suchlittle trifles as wimmen's work. "

Sez I, "Young man, it is a precious little you would take in in life ifit hadn't been for wimmen's work. Who earned and left you the money youare a-usin'?" sez I, "who educated you and made your life easy beforeyou?"

And then bein' fairly drove into a corner, he owned up that his motherwuz a good woman. 

But his nose wuz kinder lifted up the hull of the time he wuz a-sayin'it, as if he hated to own it up, hated to like a dog. 

But he got real happified up and excited afterwards, in talkin' overwith Josiah what he see to the Conference. ' He stayed to supper; I wuza seasonin' my chicken and mashed potatoes, and garnishin' 'em for thetable. I wuz out to one side a little, but I listened with one side ofmy brain while the other wuz fixed on pepper, ketchup, parsley, etc. , etc. 

[Illustration: "HE SEEMED TO HAVE A HORROW OF WOMAN A-RAISIN' OUT OF HERSPEAR. "]

Sez Casper, "It wuz the proudest, greatest hour of my life, " sez he, "when I see a nigger delegate git up and give his views on wimmenkeepin' down in their place. When I see a black nigger stand up there inthat Conference and state so clearly, so logically and so powerfully thereasons why poor weak wimmen should _not_ be admitted into that sacredenclosure--

"When I see even a nigger a-standin' there and a-knowin' so well whatwimmen's place wuz, my heart beat with about the proudest emotions Ihave ever experienced. Why, he said, " sez Casper, "that if wimmen wuzallowed to stand up in the Conference, they wouldn't be satisfied. Thenext thing they would want to do would be to preach. It wuz a masterlyargument, " sez Casper. 

"It must have been, " sez my Josiah. 

"He seemed to have such a borrow of a weak-minded, helpless womana-raisin' herself up out of her lower spear. "

"Well he might, " sez Josiah, "well he might. "

Truly, there are times when women can't, seeminly, stand no more. Thiswuz one on 'em, and I jest waded right into the argiment. I sez, realsolemn like, a-holdin' the sprig of parsley some like a septer, onlymore sort o' riz up like and mysteriouser. Yes, I held that green sprigsome as the dove did when it couldn't find no rest for the soles of itsfeet--no foundation under it and it sailed about seekin' some mount oftruth it could settle down on. Oh how wobblin' and onsubstantial andcurius I felt hearin' their talk. 

"And, " sez I, "nobody is tickleder than I be to think a colored man hashad the right gin him to stand up in a Conference or anywhere else. Ihave probable experienced more emotions in his behalf, " sez I, "deepand earnest, than any other female, ancient or modern. I have bore hisburdens for him, trembled under his lashes, agonized with him in hisunexampled griefs and wrongs and indignities, and I have rejoiced at thevery depths of my soul at his freedom. 

"But, " sez I, "when he uses that freedom to enchain another and asdeservin' a race, my feelin's are hurt and my indignations are riz up. 

"Yes, " sez I, a-wavin' that sprig some like a warlike banner, as myemotions swelled up under my bask waste, "When that negro stands there a-advocatin' the slavery of another race, and a-sayin' that women ortn't to say her soul is her own, and wimmenare too weak and foolish to lift up their right hands, much less preach, I'd love to ask him where he and his race wuz twenty-five years ago, andwhere they would be to-day if it wuzn't for a woman usin' her right handand her big heart and brain in his behalf, and preachin' for him allover the world and in almost every language under the sun. Everybodysays that 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' wuz the searchin' harrow that loosened theold, hard ground of slavery so the rich seed of justice could be plantedand bring forth freedom. 

"If it hadn't been for that woman's preachin', that negro exhausterwould to-day most likely be a hoin' cotton with a overseer a-lashin' himup to his duties, and his wife and children and himself a-bein' boughtand sold, and borrowed and lent and mortgaged and drove like so manyanimals. And I'd like to have riz right up in that Conference and toldhim so. "

"Oh, no, " sez Josiah, lookin' some meachin', "no, you wouldn't. "

"Yes, I would, " sez I. "And I'd 've enjoyed it _richly_" sez I, es Iturned and put my sprig round the edge of the platter. 

[Illustration: SAMANTHA EXPRESSES HER VIEWS. ]

Casper wuz demute for as much as half a minute, and Josiah Allen lookedmachin' for about the same length of time. 

But, good land! how soon they got over it. They wuz as chipper as ever, a-runnin' down the idee of women settin', before they got half throughdinner. 

After hard and arjuous work we got the scrapin' done, and the scrubbin'done, and then we proceeded to make a move towards puttin' on the paper. 

But the very day before we wuz to put on our first breadth, SisterBobbet, our dependence and best paperer, fell down on a apple parin'and hurt her ankle jint, so's she couldn't stand on a barell for more'nseveral days. 

And we felt dretful cast down about it, for we all felt as if the workmust stop till Sister Bobbet could be present and attend to it. 

But, as it turned out, it wuz perfectly providential, so fur as I wuzconcerned, for on goin' home that night fearfully deprested on accountof Sister Sylvester Bobbet, lo and behold! I found a letter there on myown mantletry piece that completely turned round my own plans. It comeentirely onexpected to me, and contained the startlin' intelligence thatmy own cousin, on my mother's own side, had come home to Loontown tohis sister's, and wuz very sick with nervous prostration, neuralgia, rheumatism, etc. , and expected paralasys every minute, and heartfailure, and such. 

[Illustration: "SISTER BOBBET, OUR DEPENDENCE, FELL DOWN ON A APPLEPARIN'". ]

And his sister, Miss Timson, who wrote the letter, beset me to come overand see him. She said, Jane Ann did (Miss Timson'ses name is Jane Ann), and sez she in Post scriptum remark to me, sez she--

"Samantha, I know well your knowledge of sickness and your powers oftakin' care of the sick. Do come and help me take care of Ralph, for itseems as if I can't let him go. Poor boy, he has worked so hard, and nowI wuz in hopes that he wuz goin' to take some comfort in life, unbeknownto him. Do come and help him for my sake, and for Rosy's sake. " Rosy wuzRalph's only child, a pretty girl, but one ruther wild, and needin' jestnow a father's strong hand. 

Rosy's mother died when she wuz a babe, and Ralph, who had alwaysbeen dretful religius, felt it to be his duty to go and preach to thesavages. So Miss Timson took the baby and Ralph left all his propertywith Miss Timson to use for her, and then he girded up his lions, tookhis Bible and him book and went out West and tackled the savages. 

Tackled 'em in a perfectly religius way, and done sights of good, sightsand sights. For all he wuz so mild and gentle and religius, he got theupper hand of them savages in some way, and he brung 'em into the churchby droves, and they jest worshipped him. 

Wall, he worked so hard a-tryin' to do good and save souls that wuzlost--a-tryin' single-handed to overthrow barberus beliefs and habits, and set up the pure and peaceful doctrines of the Master. 

[Illustration: RALPH SMITH ROBINSON. ]

He loved and followed, that his health gin out after a time--he feltweak and mauger. 

And jest about this time his sister wrote to him that Rosy havin' gotin with gay companions, wuz a gettin' beyond her influence, and she_needed_ a father's control and firm hand to guide her right, or elseshe would be liable to go to the wrong, and draw lots of others withher, for she wuz a born leader amongst her mates, jest as her fatherwuz--so wouldn't Ralph come home. 

Wall, Ralph come. His sister and girl jest worshipped him, and lookedand longed for his comin', as only tender-hearted wimmen can loveand worship a hero. For if there wuz ever a hero it wuz Ralph SmithRobinson. 

Wall, Ralph had been in the unbroken silences of nature so long, thatthe clack, and crash, and clamor of what we call civilized life almostcrazed him. 

He had been where his Maker almost seemed to come down and walk withhim through the sweet, unbroken stillnesses of mornin' and evenin'. Theworld seemed so fur off to him, and the Eternal Verities of life sonear, that truly, it sometimes seemed to him as if, like one of old, "hewalked with God. " Of course the savages war-whooped some, but theywuz still a good deal of the time, which is more than you can say forYankees. 

And Loontown when he got home was rent to its very twain with aPresidential election. 

Ralph suffered. 

But above all his other sufferin's, he suffered from church bells. 

Miss Timson lived, as it wuz her wish, and often her boast, right underthe droppin's of the sanctuary. 

She lotted on it when she bought the place. The Baptist steeple toweredup right by the side of her house. Her spare bed wuz immegietly underthe steeple. 

Wall, comin' as he did from a place where he wuz called to worship bythe voice of his soul and his good silver watch--this volume of clamor, this rushin' Niagara of sound a-pourin' down into his ears, wuzperfectly intolerable and onbeerable. He would lay awake till mornin'dreadin' the sound, and then colapse under it, till it run along and hecome down with nervous fever. 

He wuz worn out no doubt by his labors before he come, and any way hewuz took bed-sick, and couldn't be moved so's the doctor said, and hebein' outside of his own head, delerius, couldn't of course advance noidees of his own, so he lay and suffered.