SAMANTHA

AMONG THE BRETHREN. 

By

"Josiah Allen's Wife"

(Marietta Holley)

Part 3

CHAPTER VII. 

But along about the middle of the fifth week I see a change. Lodemahad been uncommon exasperatin', and I expected she would set Josiah togoin', and I groaned in spirit, to think what a job wuz ahead of me, topart their two tongues--when all of a sudden I see a curius change comeover my pardner's face. 

I remember jest the date that the change in his mean wuz visible, andmade known to me--for it wuz the very mornin' that we got the invitationto old Mr. And Miss Pressley's silver weddin'. And that wuz thefifteenth day of the month along about the middle of the forenoon. 

And it wuz not half an hour after Elnathen Pressley came to the door andgive us the invitations, that I see the change in his mean. 

And when I asked him about it afterwards, what that strange and curiuslook meant, he never hung back a mite from tellin' me, but sez right outplain:

"Mebby, Samantha, I hain't done exactly as I ort to by cousin Lodema, and I have made up my mind to make her a happy surprise before she goesaway. "

"Wall, " sez I, "so do. "

I thought he wuz goin' to get her a new dress. She had been a-hintin'to him dretful strong to that effect. She wanted a parmetty, or abalzereen, or a circassien, which wuz in voge in her young days. But Iwuz in hopes he would get her a cashmere, and told him so, plain. 

But I couldn't get him to tell what the surprise wuz. He only sez, sezhe:

"I am goin' to make her a happy surprise. "

And the thought that he wuz a-goin' to branch out and make a change, wuzconsiderable of a comfort to me. And I needed comfort--yes, indeed Idid--I needed it bad. For not one single thing did I do for her that Idone right, though I tried my best to do well by her. 

But she found fault with my vittles from mornin' till night, though I amcalled a excellent cook all over Jonesville, and all round the adjoiningcountry, out as far as Loontown, and Zoar. It has come straight back tome by them that wouldn't lie. But it hain't made me vain. 

But I never cooked a thing that suited Lodema, not a single thing. Mostof my vittles wuz too fresh, and then if I braced up and salted 'emextra so as to be sure to please her, why then they wuz briny, and hurther mouth. 

Why, if you'll believe it, I give her a shawl, made her a present of it;it had even checks black and white, jest as many threads in the blackstripes as there wuz in the white, for I counted 'em. 

And she told me, after she had looked it all over and said it wuz kinderthin and slazy, and checkered shawls had gone out of fashion, and theblack looked some as if it would fade with washin', and the white wuzn'tover clear, and the colors wuzn't no ways becomin' to her complexion, and etcetery, etcetery. 

"But, " sez she, after she had got all through with the rest of hercomplaints--"if the white stripes wuz where the black wuz, and the blackwhere the white wuz, she should like it quite well. " And there it wuz, even check, two and two. Wall, that wuz a sample of her doin's. Ifanybody had a Roman nose she wanted a Greecy one. 

[Illustration: "IF THE WHITE STRIPES WUZ WHERE THE BLACK WUZ. "]

And if the nose wuz Greece, why then she wanted Rome. 

Why, Josiah sez to me along about the third week, he said (to ourselves, in private), "that if Lodema went to Heaven she would be dissatisfiedwith it, and think it wuz livelier, and more goin' on down to the otherplace. " And he said she would get the angels all stirred up a findin'fault with their feathers. 

I told him "I would not hear such talk. "

"Wall, " sez he, "don't you believe it?"

And I kinder turned him off, and wouldn't tell, and told him it wuzwicked to talk so. 

"Wall, " sez Josiah, "you dassent say she wouldn't. "

And I dassent, though I wouldn't own it up to him, I dassent. 

And if she kinder got out of other occupations for a minute durin' themfirst weeks she would be a quarrelin' with Josiah Allen about age. 

I s'pose she and Josiah wuzn't far from the same age, for they wuzchildren together. But she wanted to make out she wuz young. 

And she would tell Josiah that "he seemed jest like a father to her, andalways had. " And sometimes when she felt the most curius, she would callhim "Father, " and "Pa, " and "Papa. " And it would mad Josiah Allen sothat I would have all I could do to quell him down. 

Now I didn't feel so, I didn't mind it so much. Why, there would bedays, when she felt the curiusest, that she would call me "Mother, " and"Ma, " and foller me round with foot-stools and things, when I went toset down, and would kinder worry over my fallin' off the back step, andwould offer to help me up the suller stairs, and so forth, and watchin'over what I et, and tellin' me folks of my age ort to be careful, andnot over-eat. 

And Josiah asked me to ask her "How she felt about that time?" For shewuz from three to four years older than I wuz. 

But I wouldn't contend with her, and the footstools come kinder handy, Ihad jest as lieve have 'em under my feet as not, and ruther. And as forrich vittles not agreein' with me, and my not over-eatin', I broke thattip by fallin' right in with her, and not cookin' such good things--thatquelled her down, and gaulded Josiah too. 

But, as I said, it riled Josiah the worst of anything to have Lodemacall him father, for he wants to make out that he is kinder younghimself. 

And sez he to her one day, about the third week, when she was a-goin'on about how good and fatherly he looked, and how much he seemed likea parent to her, and always had, sez he: "I wonder if I seemed like afather to you when we wuz a-kickin' at each other in the same cradle?"Sez he: "We both used to nuss out of the same bottle, any way, forI have heard my mother say so lots of times. There wuzn't ten days'difference in our ages. You wuz ten days the oldest as I have alwaysmade out. "

She screamed right out, "Why, Josiah Allen, where is your conscience totalk in that way--and your heart?"

"In here, where everybody's is, " sez Josiah, strikin' himself with hisright hand--he meant to strike against his left breast, but struck toolow, kinder on his stomach. 

And sez I, "That is what I have always thought, Josiah Allen. I havealways had better luck reachin' your conscience through your stomachthan in any other way. And now, " sez I coldly, "do you go out and bringin a pail of water. "

I used to get beat out and sick of their scufflin's and disagreein's, and broke 'em up whenever I could. 

But oh! oh! how she did quarrel with Josiah Allen and that buzz sawscheme of his'n. How light she made of that enterprise, how she demeanedthe buzz, and run the saws--till I felt that bad as I hated theenterprise myself, I felt that a variety of loud buzz saws would be awelcome relief from her tongue--from their two tongues; for as fur downas she would run them buzz saws, jest so fur would Josiah Allen praise'em up. 

[Illustration: LODEMA AND JOSIAH IN YOUTH. ]

She never agreed with Josiah Allen but in jest one thing while she wasunder his ruff. I happened to mention one day how extremely anxious Iwuz to have females set on the Conference; and then, wantin' to disputeme, and also bein' set on that side, she run down the project, andcalled it all to nort--and when too late she see that she had got overon Josiah Allen's side of the fence. 

But it had one good effect. When that man see she wuz there, he wadedoff, way out of sight of the project, and wouldn't mention it--it maddedhim so to be on the same side of the fence she wuz--so that it seemedto happen all for the best. 

Why, I took her as a dispensation from the first, and drawed all sortsof morels from her, and sights of 'em--sights. 

But oh, it wuz tuff on me, fearful tuff. 

And when she calculated and laid out to make out her visit and go, wuzmore than we could tell. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

For two weeks had passed away like a nite mair of the nite--and threeweeks, and four weeks--and she didn't seem to be no nigher goin' thanshe did when she came. 

And I would not make a move towards gettin' rid of her, not if I haddropped down in my tracts, because she wuz one of the relatives on hisside. 

But I wuz completely fagged out; it did seem, as I told Tirzah Ann oneday in confidence, "that I never knew the meanin' of the word 'fag'before. "

And Tirzah Ann told me (she couldn't bear her) that if she wuz in myplace, she would start her off. Sez she:

"She has plenty of brothers and sisters, and a home of her own, and whyshould she come here to torment you and father;" and sez she, "I'll talkto her, mother, I'd jest as leve as not. " Sez I, "Tirzah Ann, if yousay a word to her, I'll--I'll never put confidence in you agin;" sez I, "Life is full of tribulations, and we must expect to bear our crosses;"sez I, "The old martyrs went through more than Lodema. "

Sez Tirzah Ann, "I believe Lodema would have wore out John Rogers. "

And I don't know but she would, but I didn't encourage her by ownin' itup that she would; but I declare for't, I believe she would have beenmore tegus than the nine children, and the one at the breast, any way. 

Wall, as I said, it wuz durin' the fifth week that Josiah Allen turnedright round, and used her first rate. 

And when she would talk before folks about how much filial affection shehad for him, and about his always havin' been jest like a parent to her, and everything of the kind--he never talked back a mite, but lookedclever, and told me in confidence, "That he had turned over a new leaf, and he wuz goin' to surprise her--give her a happy surprise. "

And he seemed, instead of lovin' to rile her up, as he had, to jest puthis hull mind on the idee of the joyful surprise. 

Wall, I am always afraid (with reason) of Josiah Allen's enterprizes. But do all I could, he wouldn't tell me one word about what he wuz goin'to do, only he kep it up, kep a-sayin' that, "It wuz somethin' I couldn't help approvin' of, and it wuz somethin'that would happify me, and be a solid comfort to her, and a great gainand honor. "

So (though I trembled some for the result) I had to let it go on, forshe wuz one of the relations on his own side, and I knew it wouldn't dofor me to interfere too much, and meddle. 

Why, he did come right out one day and give hints to me to that effect. 

Sez I, "Why do you go on and be so secret about it? Why don't you tellyour companion all about it, what you are a-goin' to do, and advise withher?"

And he sez, "I guess I know what I am about. She is one of the relationson my side, and I guess I have got a few rights left, and a littlespunk. "

"Yes, " sez I, sadly, "you have got the spunk. "

"Wall, " sez he, "I guess I can spunk up, and do somethin' for one of myown relations, without any interference or any advice from any of theSmith family, or anybody else. "

Sez I, "I don't want to stop your doin' all you can for Lodema, but whynot tell what you are a-goin' to do?"

"It will be time enough when the time comes, " sez he. "You will find itout in the course of next week. "

Wall, it run along to the middle of the next week. And one day I hadjest sot down to tie off a comforter. 

It wuz unbleached cheese cloth that I had bought and colored with tealeaves. It wuz a sort of a light mice color, a pretty soft gray, and Iwuz goin' to tie it in with little balls of red zephyr woosted, and workit in buttonhole stitch round the edge with the same. 

It wuz fur our bed, Josiah's and mine, and it wuz goin' to be soft andwarm and very pretty, though I say it, that shouldn't. 

[Illustration: "I HAD JEST SOT DOWN TO TIE OFF A COMFORTER. "]

It wuzn't quite so pretty as them that hain't colored. I had 'em for myspare beds, cream color tied with pale blue and pink, that wuz perfectlybeautiful and very dressy; but I thought for everyday use a colored onewould be better. 

Wall, I had brought it out and wuz jest a-goin' to put it onto theframes (some new-fashioned ones I had borrowed from Tirzah Ann for theoccasion). 

And Cousin Lodema had jest observed, "that the new-fashioned frames withlegs wuzn't good for nothin', and she didn't like the color of gray, it looked too melancholy, and would be apt to depress our feelin's toomuch, and would be tryin' to our complexions. "

And I told her "that I didn't spoze there would be a very greatcongregation in our bedroom, as a general thing in the dead of night, tosee whether it wuz becomin' to Josiah and me or not. And, it bein' asdark as Egypt, our complexions wouldn't make a very bad show any way. "

"Wall, " she said, "to tie it with red wuzn't at all appropriate, it wuztoo dressy a color for folks of our age, Josiah's and mine. " "Why, " sezshe, "even _I_, at _my_ age, would skurcely care to sleep under one sogay. And she wouldn't have a cheese cloth comforter any way. " She sorto' stopped to ketch breath, and Josiah sez:

"Oh, wall, Lodema, a cheese cloth comforter is better than none, and Ishould think you would be jest the one to like any sort of a frame onlegs. "

But I wunk at him, a real severe and warnin' wink, and he stopped shortoff, for all the world as if he had forgot bein' on his good behavior;he stopped short off, and went right to behavin', and sez he to me:

"Don't put on your comforter to-day, Samantha, for Tirzah Ann andWhitfield and the babe are a-comin' over here bimeby, and Maggie isa-comin', and Thomas Jefferson. "

"Wall, " sez I, "that is a good reason why I should keep on with it; thegirls can help me if I don't get it off before they get here. "

And then he sez, "Miss Minkley is a-comin', too, and the Elder. "

"Why'ee, " sez I, "Josiah Allen, why didn't you tell me before, so Icould have baked up somethin' nice? What a man you are to keep things;how long have you known it?"

"Oh, a week or so!"

"A week!" sez I; "Josiah Allen, where is your conscience? if you havegot a conscience. "

"In the same old place, " sez he, kinder hittin' himself in the pit ofhis stomach. 

"Wall, I should think as much, " sez I. 

And Lodema sez, sez she: "A man that won't tell things is of allcreeters that walks the earth the most disagreeable. And I should thinkthe girls, Maggie and Tirzah Ann, would want to stay to home and cleanhouse such a day as this is. And I should think a Elder would want tostay to home so's to be on hand in case of anybody happenin' to beexercised in their minds, and wantin to talk to him on religioussubjects. And if I wuz a Elder's wife, I should stay to home with him;I should think it wuz my duty and my privilege. And if I wuz a marriedwoman, I would have enough baked up in the house all the time, so's notto be afraid of company. "

But I didn't answer back. I jest sot away my frames, and went out andstirred up a cake; I had one kind by me, besides cookies and jell tarts. 

But I felt real worked up to think I hadn't heard. Wall, I hadn't more'ngot that cake fairly into the oven when the children come, and ElderMinkley and his wife. And I thought they looked queer, and I thought theElder begun to tell me somethin', and I thought I see Josiah wink athim. But I wouldn't want to take my oath whether he wunk or not, but I_thought_ he wunk. 

I wuz jest a turnin' this over in my mind, and a carryin' away theirthings, when I glanced out of the settin' room winder, and lo, andbehold! there wuz Abi Adsit a comin' up to the front door, and rightbehind her wuz her Pa and Ma Adsit, and Deacon Henzy and his wife, and Miss Henn and Metilda, and Lute Pitkins and his wife, and MissPetengill, and Deacon Sypher and Drusilly, and Submit Tewksbury--a hullstring of 'em as long as a procession. 

Sez I, and I spoke it right out before I thought--sez I--

"Why'ee!" sez I. "For the land's sake!" sez I, "has there been afuneral, or anything? And are these the mourners?" sez I. "Are theystoppin' here to warm?"

For it wuz a cold day--and I repeated the words to myself mechanicallyas it wuz, as I see 'em file up the path. 

"They be mourners, hain't they?"

"No, " sez Josiah, who had come in and wuz a standin' by the side of me, as I spoke out to myself unbeknown to me--sez he in a proud axent--

"No, they hain't mourners, they are Happyfiers; they are Highlariers;they have come to our party. We are givin' a party, Samantha. We arehavin' a diamond weddin' here for Lodema. "

"A diamond weddin'!" I repeated mechanically. 

"Yes, this is my happy surprise for Lodema. "

I looked at Lodema Trumble. She looked strange. She had sunk back in herchair. I thought she wuz a-goin' to faint, and she told somebody thenext day, "that she did almost lose her conscientiousness. "

"Why, " sez I, "she hain't married. "

[Illustration: "WE ARE GIVIN' A PARTY, SAMANTHA. "]

"Wall, she ort to be, if she hain't, " sez he. "I say it is high time forher to have some sort of a weddin'. Everybody is a havin' 'em--tin, andsilver and wooden, and basswood, and glass, and etc. --and I thought itwuz a perfect shame that Lodema shouldn't have none of no kind--and Ithought I'd lay to, and surprise her with one. Every other man seemedto be a-holdin' off, not willin' seemin'ly that she should have one, andI jest thought I would happify her with one. "

"Wall, why didn't you make her a silver one, or a tin?" sez I. 

"Or a paper one!" screamed Lodema, who had riz up out of her almostfaintin' condition. "That would have been much more appropriate, " sezshe. 

"Wall, I thought a diamond one would be more profitable to her. For Iasked 'em all to bring diamonds, if they brought anything. And then Ithought it would be more suitable to her age. "

"Why!" she screamed out. "They have to be married seventy-five yearsbefore they can have one. "

"Yes, " sez he dreemily, "I thought that would be about the rightfigure. "

Lodema wuz too mad to find fault or complain or anything. She jestmarched up-stairs and didn't come down agin that night. And the youngfolks had a splendid good time, and the old ones, too. 

Tirzah Ann and Maggie had brought some refreshments with 'em, and so hadsome of the other wimmen, and, with what I had, there wuz enough, andmore than enough, to refresh ourselves with. 

Wall, the very next mornin' Lodema marched down like a grenideer, andordered Josiah to take her to the train. And she eat breakfast with herthings on, and went away immegiately after, and hain't been back heresense. 

And I wuz truly glad to see her go, but wuz sorry she went in such away, and I tell Josiah he wuz to blame, But he acts as innocent as you pleese. And he goes all over thearguments agin every time I take him to do about it. He sez "she wuz oldenough to have a weddin' of some kind. "

And of course I can't dispute that, when he faces me right down, andsez:

"Hain't she old enough?"

And I'll say, kinder short--

"Why, I spoze so!"

"Wall, " sez he, "wouldn't it have been profitable to her if they hadbrought diamonds? Wouldn't it have been both surprisin' and profitable?"And sez he, "I told 'em expressly to bring diamonds if they had morethan they wanted. I charged old Bobbet and Lute Pitkins specially on thesubject. I didn't want 'em to scrimp themselves; but, " sez I, "if youhave got more diamonds than you want, Lute, bring over a few to Lodema. "

[Illustration: "IF YOU HAVE GOT MORE DIAMONDS THAN YOU WANT. "]

"Yes, " sez I, coldly, "he wuz dretful likely to have diamonds more thenhe wanted, workin' out by day's work to support his family. You knowthere wuzn't a soul you invited that owned a diamond. "

"How did I know what they owned? I never have prowled round into theirbureau draws and things, tryin' to find out what they had; they mighthave had quarts of 'em, and I not know it. "

Sez I, "You did it to make fun of Lodema and get rid of her. And it onlymakes it worse to try to smooth it over. " Sez I, "I'd be honorable aboutit if I wuz in your place, and own up. "

"Own up? What have I got to own up? I shall always say if my orders wuzcarried out, it would have been a profitable affair for Lodema, and itwould--profitable and surprisin'. "

And that is all I can get him to say about it, from that day to this. 

CHAPTER IX. 

But truly the labors that descended onto my shoulders immegiately afterLodema's departure wuz hard enough to fill up my hull mind, and taxevery one of my energies. 

Yes, my labors and the labors of the other female Jonesvillians wuz deepand arjuous in the extreme (of which more and anon bimeby). 

I had been the female appinted in a private and becomin' female way, togo to Loontown to see the meetin' house there that we heard they hadfixed over in a cheap but commojous way. And for reasons (of which moreand anon) we wanted to inquire into the expense, the looks on't, etc. , etc. 

So I persuaded Josiah Allen to take me over to Loontown on this pressin'business, and he gin his consent to go on the condition that we shouldstop for a visit to Cephas Bodley'ses. Josiah sets store by 'em. Yousee they are relations of ourn and have been for some time, entirelyunbeknown to us, and they'd come more'n a year ago a huntin' of us up. They said they "thought relations ought to be hunted up and hangedtogether. " They said "the idea of huntin' us up had come to 'em afterreadin' my books. " They told me so, and I said, "Wall!" I didn't add nordiminish to that one "wall, " for I didn't want to act too backward, nortoo forward. I jest kep' kinder neutral, and said, "Wall!"

You see Cephas'ses father's sister-in-law wuz stepmother to my aunt'ssecond cousin on my father's side. And Cephas said that "he had feltmore and more, as years went by, that it wuz a burnin' shame forrelations to not know and love each other. " He said "he felt that heloved Josiah and me dearly. "

I didn't say right out whether it wuz reciprokated or not I kinder said, "Wall!" agin. 

And I told Josiah, in perfect confidence and the wood-house chamber, "that I had seen nearer relations than Mr. Bodley'ses folks wuz to us, "

[Illustration: "CEPHAS SAID IT WUZ A BURNIN' SHAME FOR RELATIONS TONOT KNOW AND LOVE EACH OTHER. "]

Howsumever, I done well by 'em. Josiah killed a fat turkey, and I bakedit, and done other things for their comfort, and we had quite a goodtime. Cephas wuz ruther flowery and enthusiastick, and his mouth andvoice wuz ruther large, but he meant well, I should judge, and we hadquite a good time. 

She wuz very freckled, and a second-day Baptist by perswasion, and wuzpiecin' up a crazy bedquilt. She went a-visitin' a good deal, and gotpieces of the women's dresses where she visited for blocks. So it wuzquite a savin' bedquilt, and very good-lookin', considerin'. 

But to resoom and continue on. Cephas'ses folks made us promise on ourtwo sacred honors, Josiah's honor and mine, that we would pay back thevisit, for, as Cephas said, "for relatives to live so clost to eachother, and not to visit back and forth, wuz a burnin' shame and adisgrace. " And Josiah promised that we would go right away aftersugerin'. 

We wouldn't promise on the New Testament, as Cephas wanted us to (he isdretful enthusiastick); but we gin good plain promises that we would go, and laid out to keep our two words. 

Wall, we got there onexpected, as they had come onto us. And we found'em plunged into trouble. Their only child, a girl, who had married ayoung lawyer of Loontown, had jest lost her husband with the typus, andthey wuz a-makin' preparations for the funeral when we got there. Sheand her husband had come on a visit, and he wuz took down bed-sick thereand died. 

I told 'em I felt like death to think I had descended down onto 'em atsuch a time. 

But Cephas said he wuz jest dispatchin' a messenger for us when wearrove, for, he said, "in a time of trouble, then wuz the time, if ever, that a man wanted his near relations clost to him. "

And he said "we had took a load offen him by appearin' jest as wedid, for there would have been some delay in gettin' us there, if themessenger had been dispatched. "

He said "that mornin' he had felt so bad that he wanted to die--itseemed as if there wuzn't nothin' left for him to live for; but now hefelt that he had sunthin' to live for, now his relatives wuz gatheredround him. "

Josiah shed tears to hear Cephas go on. I myself didn't weep none, but Iwuz glad if we could be any comfort to 'em, and told 'em so. 

And I told Sally Ann, that wuz Cephas'ses wife, that I would do anythingI could to help 'em. And she said everything wuz a-bein' done thatwuz necessary. She didn't know of but one thing that wuz likely to beoverlooked and neglected, and that wuz the crazy bedquilt. She said"she would love to have that finished to throw over a lounge in thesettin'-room, that wuz frayed out on the edges, and if I felt like it, it _would_ be a great relief to her to have me take it right offen herhands and finish it. "

So I took out my thimble and needle (I always carry such necessarieswith me, in a huzzy made expressly for that purpose), and I sot down andwent to piecin' up. There wuz seventeen blocks to piece up, each onecrazy as a loon to look at, and it wuz all to set together. 

She had the pieces, for she had been off on a visitin' tower the weekbefore, and collected of 'em. 

So I sot in quiet and the big chair in the settin'-room, and pieced up, and see the preparations goin' on round us. 

I found that Cephas'ses folks lived in a house big and showy-lookin', but not so solid and firm as I had seen. 

It wuz one of the houses, outside and inside, where more pains had beentook with the porticos and ornaments than with the underpinnin'. 

It had a showy and kind of a shaky look. And I found that that extendedto Cephas'ses business arrangements. Amongst the other ornaments of hisbuildin's wuz mortgages, quite a lot of'em, and of almost every variety. He had gin his only child, S. Annie (she wuz named after her mother, Sally Ann, but spelt it this way), he had gin S. Annie a showyeducation, a showy weddin', and a showy settin'-out. But she hadhad the good luck to marry a sensible man, though poor. 

[Illustration: "So I SOT IN QUIET AND THE BIG CHAIR. "]

He took S. Annie and the brackets, the piano and hangin' lamps andbaskets and crystal bead lambrequins, her father had gin her, moved'em all into a good, sensible, small house, and went to work to get apractice and a livin'. He was a lawyer by perswasion. 

Wall, he worked hard, day and night, for three little children come to'em pretty fast, and S. Annie consumed a good deal in trimmin's andcheap lace to ornament 'em; she wuz her father's own girl for ornament. But he worked so hard, and had so many irons in the fire, and kep' 'emall so hot, that he got a good livin' for 'em, and begun to lay up moneytowards buyin' 'em a house--a home. 

He talked a sight, so folks said that knew him well, about his consumin'desire and aim to get his wife and children into a little home of theirown, into a safe little haven, where they could live if he wuz calledaway. They say that that wuz on his mind day and night, and wuz whatnerved his hand so in the fray, and made him so successful. Wall, he hadlaid up about nine hundred dollars towards a home, every dollar onit earned by hard work and consecrated by this deathless hope andaffection. The house he had got his mind on only cost about a thousanddollars. Loontown property is cheap. 

Wall, he had laid up nine hundred, and wuz a-beginnin' to save on thelast hundred, for he wouldn't run in debt a cent any way, when he wuztook voyalent sick there to Cephas'ses; he and S. Annie had come homefor a visit of a day or two, and he bein' so run down, and weak with hishard day work and his night work, that he suckumbed to his sickness, andpassed away the day before I got there. 

Wall, S. Annie wuz jest overcome with grief the day I got there, but theday follerin' she begun to take some interest and help her father inmakin' preparations for the funeral. 

The body wuz embalmed, accordin' to Cephas'ses and S. Annie's wish, andthe funeral wuz to be on the Sunday follerin', and on that Cephas and S. Annie now bent their energies. 

To begin with, S. Annie had a hull suit of clear crape made for herself, with a veil that touched the ground; she also had three other suitscommenced, for more common wear, trimmed heavy with crape, one of whichshe ordered for sure the next week, for she said, "she couldn't stir outof the house in any other color but black. "

I knew jest how dear crape wuz, and I tackled her on the subject, andsez I--

"Do you know, S. Annie, these dresses of your'n will cost a sight?"

"Cost?" sez she, a-bustin' out a-cryin'. "What do I care about cost? Iwill do everything I can to respect his memory. I do it in remembranceof him. "

Sez I, gently, "S. Annie, you wouldn't forget him if you wuz dressed inwhite. And as for respect, such a life as his, from all I hear of it, don't need crape to throw respect on it; it commands respect, and getsit from everybody. "

"But, " sez Cephas, "it would look dretful odd to the neighbors if shedidn't dress in black. " Sez he in a skairful tone, and in his intenseway--

[Illustration: "WHAT IS LIFE WORTH WHEN FOLKS TALK?"]

"I would ruther resk my life than to have her fail in duty in this way;it would make talk. And. " sez he, "what is life worth when folks talk?"I turned around the crazed block and tackled it in a new place (moreluny than ever it seemed to me), and sez I, mekanickly--

"It is pretty hard work to keep folks from talkin'; to keep 'em fromsayin' somethin'. "

But I see from their looks it wouldn't do to say anything more, so I hadto set still and see it go on. 

At that time of year flowers wuz dretful high, but S. Annie and Cephashad made up their minds that they must have several flower-pieces fromthe city nighest to Loontown. 

One wuz a-goin' to be a gate ajar, and one wuz to be a gate wide open, and one wuz to be a big book. Cephas asked what book I thought would bepreferable to represent. And I mentioned the Bible. 

But Cephas sez, "No, he didn't think he would have a Bible; he didn'tthink it would be appropriate, seein' the deceased wuz a lawyer. " Hesaid "he hadn't quite made up his mind what book to have. But anyway itwuz to be in flowers--beautiful flowers. " Another piece wuz to be hisname in white flowers on a purple background of pansies. His name wuzWellington Napoleon Bonaparte Hardiman. And I sez to Cephas--"To saveexpense, you will probable have the moneygram W. N. B. H. ?"

"Oh, no, " sez he. 

Sez I, "hen the initials of his given names, and the last name infull. "

"Oh, no, " he said; "it wuz S. Annie's wish, and hisen, that the hullname should be put on. They thought it would show more respect. "

I sez, "Where Wellington is now, that hain't a goin' to make anydifference, and, " sez I, "Cephas, flowers are dretful high this time ofyear, and it is a long name. "

But Cephas said agin that he didn't care for expense, so long as respectwuz done to the memory of the deceased. He said that he and S. Annieboth felt that it wuz their wish to have the funeral go ahead of anyother that had ever took place in Loontown or Jonesville. He said thatS. Annie felt that it wuz all that wuz left her now in life, the memoryof such a funeral as he deserved. 

Sez I, "There is his children left for her to live for, " sez I--"threelittle bits of his own life, for her to nourish, and cherish, and lookout for. "

"Yes, " sez Cephas, "and she will do that nobly, and I will help her. They are all goin' to the funeral, too, in deep-black dresses. " He said"they wuz too little to realize it now, but in later and maturer yearsit would be a comfort to 'em to know they had took part in such afuneral as that wuz goin' to be, and wuz dressed in black. "

"Wall, " sez I (in a quiet, onassumin' way I would gin little hints of mymind on the subject), "I am afraid that will be about all the comfortsof life the poor little children will ever have, " sez I. "It will be ifyou buy many more flower-pieces and crape dresses. "

Cephas said "it wouldn't take much crape for the children's dresses, they wuz so little, only the baby's; that would have to be long. "

Sez I, "The baby would look better in white, and it will take sights ofcrape for a long baby dress. "

"Yes, but S. Annie can use it afterwards for veils. She is veryeconomical; she takes it from me. And she feels jest as I do, that thebaby must wear it in respect to her father's memory. "

Sez I, "The baby don't know crape from a clothes-pin. "

"No, " sez Cephas, "but in after years the thought of the respect sheshowed will sustain her. "

"Wall, " sez I, "I guess she won't have much besides thoughts to live on, if things go on in this way. "

I would give little hints in this way, but they wuzn't took. Things wentright on as if I hadn't spoke. And I couldn't contend, for truly, as abad little boy said once on a similar occasion, "it wuzn't my funeral, "so I had to set and work on that insane bedquilt and see it go on. ButI sithed constant and frequent, and when I wuz all alone in the room Iindulged in a few low groans. 

CHAPTER X. 

We dressmakers wuz in the house, to stay all the time till the dresseswuz done; and clerks would come around, anon, if not oftener, withpackages of mournin' goods, and mournin' jewelry, and mournin'handkerchiefs, and mournin' stockings, and mournin' stockin'-supporters, and mournin' safety-pins, and etc. , etc. , etc. , etc. , etc. 

Every one of 'em, I knew, a-wrenchin' boards offen the sides of thathouse that Wellington had worked so hard to get for his wife and littleones. 

Wall, the day of the funeral come. It wuz a wet, drizzly day, but Cephaswuz up early, to see that everything wuz as he wanted it to be. 

As fur as I wuz concerned, I had done my duty, for the crazy bedquiltwuz done; and though brains might totter as they looked at it, I feltthat it wuzn't my fault. Sally Ann spread it out with complacency overthe lounge, and thanked me, with tears in her eyes, for my noble deed. 

Along quite early in the mornin', before the show commenced, I went into see Wellington. 

He lay there calm and peaceful, with a look on his face as if he had gotaway at last from a atmosphere of show and sham, and had got into thegreat Reality of life. 

It wuz a good face, and the worryment and care that folks told me hadbeen on it for years had all faded away. But the look of determination, and resolve, and bravery, --that wuz ploughed too deep in his face to besmoothed out, even by the mighty hand that had lain on it. The resolvedlook, the brave look with which he had met the warfare of life, toiledfor victory over want, toiled to place his dear and helpless ones in aposition of safety, --that look wuz on his face yet, as if the deathlesshope and endeavor had gone on into eternity with him. 

And by the side of him, on a table, wuz the big high flower-pieces, beginnin' already to wilt and decay. 

Wall, it's bein' such an uncommon bad day, there wuzn't many to thefuneral. But we rode to the meetin'-house in Loontown in a state andsplendor that I never expect to again. Cephas had hired eleven mournin'coaches, and the day bein' so bad, and so few a-turnin' out to thefuneral, that in order to occupy all the coaches--and Cephas thought itwould look better and more popular to have 'em all occupied--we dividedup, and Josiah went in one, alone, and lonesome as a dog, as he saidafterwards to me. And I sot up straight and oncomfortable in another oneon 'em, stark alone. 

Cephas had one to himself, and his wife another one, and two old maids, sisters of Cephas'ses who always made a point of attendin' funerals, they each one of 'em had one. S. Annie and her children, of course, hadthe first one, and then the minister had one, and one of the trustees inthe neighborhood had another; so we lengthened out into quite a crowd, all a-follerin' the shiny hearse, and the casket all covered with showyplated nails. I thought of it in jest that way, for Wellington, I knew, the real Wellington, wuzn't there. No, he wuz fur away--as fur as theReal is from the Unreal. Wall, we filed into the Loontown meetin'-housein pretty good shape. The same meetin'-house I had been sent toreconoiter. But Cephas hadn't no black handkerchief, and he lookedworried about it. He had shed tears a-tellin' me about it, what aoversight it wuz, while I wuz a fixin' on his mournin' weed. He took itinto his head to have a deeper weed at the last minute, so I fixed iton. He had the weed come up to the top of his hat and lap over. I neversee so tall a weed. But it suited Cephas; he said "he thought it showeddeep respect. "

"Wall, " sez I, "it is a deep weed, anyway--the deepest I ever see. " Andhe said as I wuz a sewin' it on, he a-holdin' his hat for me, "thatWellington deserved it; he deserved it all. "

But, as I say, he shed tears to think that his handkerchief wuzn'tblack-bordered. He said "it wuz a fearful oversight; it would probablymake talk. "

"But, " I sez, "mebby it won't be noticed. "

[Illustration: "AS A PROCESSION WE WUZ MIDDLIN' LONG, BUT RUTHERTHIN. "]

"Yes, it will, " sez he. "It will be noticed. " And sez he, "I don't careabout myself, but I am afraid it will reflect onto Wellington. I amafraid they will think it shows a lack of respect for him. ForWellington's sake I feel cut down about it. "

And I sez, "I guess where Wellington is now, the color of a handkerchiefborder hain't a-goin' to make much difference to him either way. "

And I don't spoze it wuz noticed much, for there wuzn't more'n ten or adozen folks there when we went in. We went in in Injin file mostly byCephas'ses request, so's to make more show. And as a procession we wuzmiddlin' long, but ruther thin. 

The sermon wuz not so very good as to quality, but abundant as toquantity. It wuz, as nigh as I could calkerlate, about a hour andthree-quarters long. Josiah whispered to me along about the last that"we had been there over seven hours, and his legs wuz paralyzed. "

And I whispered back that "seven hours would take us into the night, andto stretch his feet out and pinch 'em, " which he did. 

But it wuz long and tegus. My feet got to sleep twice, and I had hardwork to wake 'em up agin. The sermon meant to be about Wellington, Is'pose; he did talk a sight about him, and then he kinder branched offonto politics, and then the Inter-State bill; he kinder favored it, Ithought. 

Wall, we all got drippin' wet a-goin' home, for Cephas insisted on ourgettin' out at the grave, for he had hired some uncommon high singers(high every way, in price and in notes) to sing at the grave. 

And so we disembarked in the drippin' rain, on the wet grass, and formeda procession agin. And Cephas had a long exercise light there in therain. But the singin' wuz kinder jerky and curius, and they had gottheir pay beforehand, so they hurried it through. And one man, thetenor, who wuz dretful afraid of takin' cold, hurried through his partand got through first, and started on a run for the carriage. The othersstood their grounds till the piece wuz finished, but they put on somedretful curius quavers. I believe they had had chills; it sounded likeit. 

Take it altogether, I don't believe anybody got much satisfaction out ofit, only Cephas. S. Annie sp'ilt her dress and bonnet entirely--they wuzwilted all down; and she ordered another suit jest like it beforeshe slept. Wall, the next mornin' early two men come with plans formonuments. Cephas had telegrafted to 'em to come with plans and bid forthe job of furnishin' the monument. 

And after a good deal of talk on both sides, Cephas and S. Annieselected one that wuz very high and p'inted. 

The men stayed to dinner, and I said to Cephas out to one side--

"Cephas, that monument is a-goin' to cost a sight. "

"Wall, " sez he, "we can't raise too high a one. Wellington deserved itall. "

Sez I, "Won't that and all these funeral expenses take about all themoney he left?"

"Oh, no!" sez he. "He had insured his life for a large amount, and itall goes to his wife and children. He deserves a monument if a man everdid. "

"But, " sez I, "don't you believe that Wellington would ruther have S. Annie and the children settled down in a good little home with sumthin'left to take care of 'em, than to have all this money spent in perfectlyuseless things?"

"_Useless!_" sez Cephas, turnin' red. "Why, " sez he, "if you wuzn't anear relation I should resent that speech bitterly. "

"Wall, " sez I, "what do all these flowers, and empty carriages, andsilver-plated nails, and crape, and so forth--what does it all amountto?"

"Respect and honor to his memory, " sez Cephas, proudly. 

Sez I, "Such a life as Wellington's had them; no body could take 'emaway nor deminish 'em. Such a brave, honest life is crowned with honorand respect any way. It don't need no crape, nor flowers, nor monumentsto win 'em. And, at the same time, " sez I dreamily, "if a man is mean, no amount of crape, or flower-pieces, or flowery sermons, or obituries, is a-goin' to cover up that meanness. A life has to be lived out-doorsas it were; it can't be hid. A string of mournin' carriages, no matterhow long, hain't a-goin' to carry a dishonorable life into honor, andno grave, no matter how low and humble it is, is a-goin' to cover up ahonorable life. 

"Such a life as Wellington's don't need no monument to carry up thestory of his virtues into the heavens; it is known there already. Andthem that mourn his loss don't need cold marble words to recall hisgoodness and faithfulness. The heart where the shadow of his eternalabsence has fell don't need crape to make it darker. 

"Wellington wouldn't be forgot if S. Annie wore pure white from daytoday. No, nobody that knew Wellington, from all I have hearn of him, needs crape to remind 'em that he wuz once here and now is gone. 

"Howsomever, as fur as that is concerned, I always feel that mournersmust do as they are a mind to about crape, with fear and tremblin'--thatis, if they are well off, and _can_ do as they are a mind to; and thesame with monuments, flowers, empty coaches, etc. But in this case, Cephas Bodley, I wouldn't be a doin' my duty if I didn't speak my mind. When I look at these little helpless souls that are left in a cold worldwith nothin' to stand between them and want but the small means their paworked so hard for and left for the express purpose of takin' care of'em, it seems to me a foolish thing, and a cruel thing, to spend allthat money on what is entirely onnecessary. "

"Onnecessary!" sez Cephas, angrily. "Agin I say, Josiah Allen's wife, that if it wuzn't for our close relationship I should turn on you. Aworm will turn, " sez he, "if it is too hardly trampled on. "

"I hain't trampled on you, " sez I, "nor hain't had no idea on't. I wuzonly statin' the solemn facts and truth of the matter. And you will seeit some time, Cephas Bodley, if you don't now. "

Sez Cephas, "The worm has turned, Josiah Allen's wife! Yes, I feel thatI have got to look now to more distant relations for comfort. Yes, theworm has been stomped on too heavy. "

He looked cold, cold as a iceickle almost. And I see that jest the fewwords I had spoke, jest the slight hints I had gin, hadn't been took asthey should have been took. So I said no more. For agin the remark ofthat little bad boy came up in my mind and restrained me from sayin' anymore. 

Truly, as the young male child observed, "it wuzn't my funeral. "

We went home almost immegiately afterwards, my heart nearly a-bleedin'for the little children, poor little creeters, and Cephas actin' coldand distant to the last And we hain't seen 'em sence. But news has comefrom them, and come straight. Josiah heerd to Jonesville all about it. And though it is hitchin' the democrat buggy on front of the mare--totell the end of the funeral here--yet I may as well tell it now and bedone with it. 

The miller at Loontown wuz down to the Jonesville mill to get the loanof some bags, and Josiah happened to be there to mill that day, andheerd all about it. 

Cephas had got the monument, and the ornaments on it cost fur more thanhe expected. There wuz a wreath a-runnin' round it clear from the bottomto the top, and verses a kinder runnin' up it at the same time. And itcost fearful. Poetry a-runnin' up, they say, costs fur more than it duzon a level. 

Any way, the two thousand dollars that wuz insured on Wellington's lifewuzn't quite enough to pay for it. But the sale of his law library andthe best of the housen' stuff paid it. The nine hundred he left went, every mite of it, to pay the funeral expenses and mournin' for thefamily. 

[Illustration: CARRIED TO THE COUNTY POOR HOUSE. ]

And as bad luck always follers on in a procession, them mortgages ofCephas'ses all run out sort o' together. His creditors sold him out, and when his property wuz all disposed of it left him over fourteenhundred dollars in debt. 

The creditors acted perfectly greedy, so they say--took everything theycould; and one of the meanest ones took that insane bedquilt that Ifinished. That _wuz_ mean. They say Sally Ann crumpled right downwhen that wuz took. Some say that they got hold of that tall weed ofCephas'ses, and some dispute it; some say that he wore it on the lastride he took in Loontown. 

But, howsomever, Cephas wuz took sick, Sally Ann wuzn't able to doanything for their support, S. Annie wuz took down with the typhus, andso it happened the very day the monument wuz brought to the Loontowncemetery, Cephas Bodley's folks wuz carried to the county house, S. Annie, the children and all. 

And it happened dretful curius, but the town hired that very team thatdrawed the monument there, to take the family back. 

It wuz a good team. 

The monument wuzn't set up, for they lacked money to pay for theunderpinnin'! (Wuz n't it curius, Cephas Bodley never would think of theunderpinnin' to anything?) But it lay there by the side of the road, agreat white shape. 

And they say the children wuz skairt, and cried when they went byit--cried and wept. 

But I believe it wuz because they wuz cold and hungry that made 'em cry. I don't believe it wuz the monument. 

CHAPTER XI. 

[Illustration:]

A few days follerin' on and ensuin' after thiseppisode, Submit Tewksburv wuz a takin' supper with me. She had comehome with me from the meetin' house where we had been to work all day. 

I had urged her to stay, for she lived a mile further on the road, andhad got to walk home afoot. 

And she hain't any too well off, Submit hain't--she has to work hard forevery mite of food she eats, and clothes she wears, and fuel and lights, etc. , etc. 

So I keep her to dinners and suppers all I can, specially when we areengaged in meetin' house work, for as poor as Submit is, she will insiston doin' for the meetin' house jest as much as any other female woman inJonesville. 

She is quite small boneded, and middlin' good lookin' for a women of heryears. She has got big dark eyes, very soft and mellow lookin' inexpression--and a look deep down into 'em, as if she had been waitin'for something, for some time. Her hair is gettin' quite gray now, butits original color was auburn, and she has got quite a lot of it--kindercrinkly round her forward. Her complexion is pale. She is a very goodlookin' woman yet, might marry any day of the week now, I hain't nodoubt of it. She is a single woman, but is well thought on inJonesville, and the southern part of Zoar, where she has relatives onher mother's side. 

[Illustration: SUBMIT TEWKSBURY. ]

She has had chances to my certain knowledge (widowers and such). 

But if all the men in the world should come and stand in rows in frontof her gate with gilded crowns in their hands all ready to crown her, and septers all ready for her to grasp holt of, and wield over theworld, she would refuse every one of 'em. 

She has had a disappointment, Submit has. And she looked at the world solong through tears, that the world got to lookin' sort o' dim like andshadowy to her, and the whole men race looked to her fur off and misty, as folks will when you look at 'em through a rain. 

She couldn't marry one of them shadows of men, if she tried, and shehain't never tried. No, her heart always has been, and is now, fur away, a-travellin' through unknown regions, unknown, and yet more real to herthan Jonesville or Zoar, a-follerin' the one man in the world who is areality to her. Submit wuz engaged to a young Methodist minister by thename of Samuel Danker. I remember him well. A good lookin' young fellowat the time, with blue eyes and light hair, ruther long and curly, andkinder wavin' back from his forward, and a deep spiritual look in hiseyes. In fact, his eyes looked right through the fashions and follys ofthe civilized world, into the depths of ignorance, rivers of ruin anddespair, that wuz a-washin' over a human race, black jungles where nakedsin and natural depravities crouched hungry for victims. 

Samuel Danker felt that he had got to go into heathen lands as amissionary. He wuz engaged to Submit, and loved her dearly, and he urgedher to go too. 

But Submit had a invalid father on her hands, a bed rid grandfather, andthree young brothers, too young to earn a thing, and they all on 'emtogether hadn't a cent of money to their names. They had twenty-fiveacres of middlin' poor land, and a old house. 

Wall, Submit felt that she couldn't leave these helpless ones and goto more foreign heathen lands. So, with a achin' heart, she let SamuelDanker go from her, for he felt a call, loud, and she couldn't counselhim to shet up his ears, or put cotton into 'em. Submit Tewksbury hadalways loved and worked for the Methodist meetin' house (she jined iton probation when she wuz thirteen). But although she always had beenextremely liberal in givin', and had made a practice of contributin'every cent she could spare to the meetin' house, it wuz spozed thatSamuel Danker wuz the biggest offerin' she had ever give to it. 

Fur it wuz known that he went to her the night before he sot sail, tooksupper with her, and told her she should decide the matter for him, whether he went or whether he staid. 

It wuz spozed his love for Submit wuz so great that it made him waverwhen the time come that he must leave her to her lot of toil andsacrifice and loneliness. 

But Submit loved the Methodist meetin' house to that extent, she leanedso hard on the arm of Duty, that she nerved up her courage anew, refusedto accept the sacrifice of his renunciation, bid him go to his greatwork, and quit himself like a man--told him she would always love him, pray for him, be constant to him. And she felt that the Master they bothwanted to serve would some day bring him back to her. 

So he sailed away to his heathens--and Submit stayed to home with herfive helpless males and her achin' heart. And if I had to tell whichmade her the most trouble, I couldn't to save my life. 

She knew the secret of her achin' heart, and the long dark nights shekep awake with it. The neighbors couldn't understand that exactly, forthere hain't no language been discovered yet that will give voice tothe silent crys of a breakin' heart, a tender heart, a constant heart, cryin' out acrost the grayness of dreary days acrost the blackness oflonely nights. 

But we could see her troubles with the peevish paralasys of age, withthe tremendus follys of undisciplined youth. 

But Submit took care of the hull caboodle of 'em; worked out some bydays' works, to get more necessaries for 'em than the poor littlefarm would bring in; nursed the sick on their sick-beds and on theirdeath-beds, till she see 'em into Heaven--or that is where we spozethey went to, bein' deservin' old males both on 'em, her father and hergrandfather, and in full connectin with the Methodist Episcopel meetin'house. 

She took care of her young brothers, patient with 'em always, ready tomend bad rents in their clothin' and their behavior--tryin' to prop uptheir habits and their morals, givin' 'em all the schoolin' she could, givin' 'em all a good trade, all but the youngest, him she kep with heralways till the Lord took him (scarlet fever), took him to learn themysterius trade of the immortals. 

Submit had a hard fit of sickness after that. And when she got up agin, there wuz round her pale forward a good many white hairs that wuz orburnbefore the little boy went away from her. 

Sense that, the other boys have married, and Submit has lived alone inthe old farm-house, lettin' the farm out on shares. It is all rundown; she don't get much from it; it don't yield much but trouble andburdocks, but as little as she gets, she always will, as I say, do herfull share, and more than her share, for the meetin' house. 

[Illustration: "HE TOOK SUPPER WITH HER FOR THE LAST TIME. "]

Some think it is on account of her inherient goodness, and some thinkit is on account of Samuel Danker. 

We all spose she hain't forgot Samuel. And they do say that every yearwhen the day comes round, that he took supper with her for the lasttime, she puts a plate on for him--the very one he eat on last---a pinkedged chiny plate, with gilt sprigs, the last one left of her mother'sfirst set of chiny. 

That is what they _say_, I hain't never seen the plate. 

It is now about twenty years sense Samuel Danker went to heathen lands. And as it wuz a man-eatin' tribe he went to preach to, and as he hain'tbeen heern of from that day to this, it is spozed that they eat him upsome years ago. 

But it is thought that Submit hain't gin up hope yet. We spoze so, butdon't know, on account of her never sayin' anything on the subject. Butwe judge from the plate. 

Wall, as I say (and I have episoded fearfully, fearfully), Submit tooksupper with me that night. And after Josiah had put out his horse (hehad been to Jonesville for the evenin' mail, and stopped for us at themeetin' house on his way back), he took the _World_ out of his pocket, and perused it for some time, and from that learned the great news thatwimmen wuz jest about to be held up agin, to see if her strength wuzsufficient to set on the Conference. 

And oh! how Josiah Allen went on about it to Submit and me, all thewhile we wuz a eatin' supper--and for more'n a hour afterwuds. 

CHAPTER XII. 

Submit wuz very skairt to heern him go on (she felt more nervous onaccount of an extra hard day's work), and I myself wuz beat out, but Iwuzn't afraid at all of him, though he did go on elegant, and dretfulempressive and even skairful. 

He stood up on the same old ground that men have always stood up on, the ground of man's great strength and capability, and wimmen's utterweakness, helplessness, and incapacity. Josiah enlarged almost wildly onthe subject of how high, how inaccessibley lofty the Conference wuz, andthe utter impossibility of a weak, helpless, fragaile bein' like a womenever gettin' up on it, much less settin' on it. And then, oh how vividlyhe depictered it, how he and every other male Methodist in the landloved wimmen too well, worshipped 'em too deeply to put such a wearin'job onto 'em. Oh how Josiah Allen soared up in eloquence. Submit shedtears, or, that is, I thought she did--I see her wipe her eyes any way. Some think that about the time the Samuel Danker anniversary comesround, she is more nervous and deprested. It wuz very near now, andtake that with her hard work that day, it accounts some for her extradepression--though, without any doubt, it wuz Josiah's talk that startedthe tears. 

I couldn't bear to see Submit look so mournful and deprested, and so, though I wuz that tired myself that I could hardly hold my head up, yetI did take my bits in my teeth, as you may say, and asked him--

What the awful hard job wuz that he and other men wuz so anxus to wardoffen wimmen. 

And he sez, "Why, a settin' on the Conference. "

And I sez, "I don't believe that is such a awful hard job to tackle. "

"Yes, indeed, it is, " sez Josiah in his most skairful axent, "yes, itis. "

And he shook his head meenin'ly and impressively, and looked at me andSubmit in as mysterius and strange a way, es I have ever been looked atin my life, and I have had dretful curius looks cast onto me, from firstto last. And he sez in them deep impressive axents of hisen, "You jest try it once, and see--I have sot on it, and I know. "

Josiah wuz sent once as a delegate to the Methodist Conference, so Ispozed he did know. 

But I sez, "Why you come home the second day when you sot as happy as aking, and you told me how you had rested off durin' the two days, andhow you had visited round at Uncle Jenkins'es, and Cousin Henn's, andyou said that you never had had such a good time in your hull life, asyou did when you wuz a settin'. You looked as happy as a king, and actedso. "

Josiah looked dumbfounded for most a quarter of a minute. For he knew mywords wuz as true es anything ever sot down in Matthew, Mark, or Luke, or any of the other old patriarks. He knew it wuz Gospel truth, thathe had boasted of his good times a settin', and as I say for nearly aquarter of a minute he showed plain signs of mortification. 

But almost imegietly he recovered himself, and went on with the doggyobstinacy of his sect: "Oh, wall! Men can tackle hard jobs, and get someenjoyment out of it too, when it is in the line of duty. One thing thatboys em' up, and makes em' happy, is the thought that they are a keepin'trouble and care offen wimmen. That is a sweet thought to men, andalways wuz. And there wuz great strains put onto our minds, us men thatsot, that wimmen couldn't be expected to grapple with, and hadn't ort totry to. It wuz a great strain onto us. "

"What was the nater of the strain?" sez I. "I didn't know as you did athing only sot still there and go to sleep. _You_ wuz fast asleep theremost the hull of the time, for it come straight to me from them thatknow. And all that Deacon Bobbet did who went with you wuz to hold uphis hand two or three times a votin'. I shouldn't think that wuz soawful wearin'. "

And agin I sez, "What wuz the strain?"

But Josiah didn't answer, for that very minute he remembered a pressin'engagement he had about borrowin' a plow. He said he had got to go up toJoe Charnick's to get his plow. (I don't believe he wanted a plow thattime of night. ) But he hurried away from the spot. And soon after Submitwent home lookin' more deprested and down-casted than ever. 

And Josiah Allen didn't get home till _late_ at night. I dare persume tosay it wuz as late as a quarter to nine when that man got back to thebosom of his family. 

And I sot there all alone, and a-meditatin' on things, and a-wonderin'what under the sun he wuz a-traipsin up to Joe Charnick's for at thattime of night, and a-worryin' some for fear he wuz a-keepin' MissCharnick up, and a-spozin' in my mind what Miss Charnick would do, toget along with the meetin' house, and the Conference question, if shewuz a member. (She is a _very_ sensible woman, Jenette Charnick is, _very_, and a great favorite with me, and others. )

And I got to thinkin' how prosperus and happy she is now, and how muchshe had went through. And I declare the hull thing come back to me, allthe strange and curius circumstances connected with her courtship andmarriage, and I thought it all out agin, the hull story, from beginnin'to end. 

The way it begun wuz--and the way Josiah Allen and me come to have anyconnectin with the story wuz as follers:

Some time ago, and previus, we had a widder come to stay with us aspell, she that wuz Tamer Shelmadine, Miss Trueman Pool that now is. 

Her husband died several years ago, and left her not over and abovewell off. And so she goes round a-visitin', and has went ever sense hisdeath. And finds sights of faults with things wherever she is, sights ofit. 

Trueman wuz Josiah's cousin, on his own side, and I always made apractice of usin' her quite well. She used to live neighbor to me beforeI wuz married, and she come and stayed nine weeks. 

She is a tall spindlin' woman, a Second Adventist by perswasion, andweighs about ninety-nine pounds. 

Wall, as I say, she means middlin' well, and would be quite agreeableif it wuzn't for a habit she has of thinkin' what she duz is a leetlebetter than anybody else can do, and wantin' to tell a leetle betterstory than anybody else can. 

Now she thinks she looks better than I do. But Josiah sez she can'tbegin with me for looks, and I don't spoze she can, though of course ithain't to be expected that I would want it told of that I said so. No, Iwouldn't want it told of pro or con, especially con. But I know JosiahAllen has always been called a pretty good judge of wimmen's looks. 

[Illustration: "SHE IS A TALL SPINDLIN' WOMAN. "]

And now she thinks she can set hens better than I can--and make betterriz biscuit. She jest the same as told me so. Any way, the first timeI baked bread after she got here, she looked down on my loaves realhaughty, yet with a pityin' look, and sez:

"It is very good for yeast, but I always use milk emptin's. "

And she kinder tested her head, and sort o' swept out of the room, notwith a broom, no, she would scorn to sweep out a room with a broom orhelp me in any way, but she sort o' swept it out with her mean. But Ididn't care, I knew my bread wuz good. 

Now if anybody is sick, she will always tell of times when she has beensicker. She boasts of layin' three nights and two days in a fit. But wedon't believe it, Josiah and me don't. That is, we don't believe she laythere so long, a-runnin'. 

We believe she come out of 'em occasionally. 

But you couldn't get her to give off a hour or a minute of the time. Three nights and two days she lay there a-runnin', so she sez, and shehas said it so long, that we spoze, Josiah and me do, that she believesit herself now.