[Illustration] SAMANTHA

AMONG THE BRETHREN. 

BY

"JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE"

(MARIETTA HOLLEY). 

_WITH ILLUSTRATIONS_. 

1890

TO

All Women

WHO WORK, TRYING TO BRING INTO DARK LIVES

THE BRIGHTNESS AND HOPE OF A

BETTER COUNTRY, _THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED_. 

PREFACE. 

Again it come to pass, in the fulness of time, that my companion, JosiahAllen, see me walk up and take my ink stand off of the manteltry piece, and carry it with a calm and majestick gait to the corner of the settin'room table devoted by me to literary pursuits. And he sez to me:

"What are you goin' to tackle now, Samantha?"

And sez I, with quite a good deal of dignity, "The Cause of EternalJustice, Josiah Allen. "

"Anythin' else?" sez he, lookin' sort o' oneasy at me. (That manrealizes his shortcomin's, I believe, a good deal of the time, he duz. )

"Yes, " sez I, "I lay out in petickuler to tackle the Meetin' House. Sheis in the wrong on't, and I want to set her right. "

Josiah looked sort o' relieved like, but he sez out, in a kind of a pertway, es he set there a-shellin corn for the hens:

"A Meetin' House hadn't ort to be called she--it is a he. "

And sez I, "How do you know?"

And he sez, "Because it stands to reason it is. And I'd like to knowwhat you have got to say about him any way?"

Sez I, "That 'him' don't sound right, Josiah Allen. It sounds more rightand nateral to call it 'she. ' Why, " sez I, "hain't we always hearn aboutthe Mother Church, and don't the Bible tell about the Church bein'arrayed like a bride for her husband? I never in my life hearn it calleda 'he' before. "

"Oh, wall, there has always got to be a first time. And I say it soundsbetter. But what have you got to say about the Meetin' House, anyway?"

"I have got this to say, Josiah Allen. The Meetin' House hain't a-actin'right about wimmen. The Founder of the Church wuz born of woman. It wuzon a woman's heart that His head wuz pillowed first and last. Whileothers slept she watched over His baby slumbers and His last sleep. Awoman wuz His last thought and care. Before dawn she wuz at the door ofthe tomb, lookin' for His comin'. So she has stood ever sense--waitin', watchin', hopin', workin' for the comin' of Christ. Workin', waitin' forHis comin' into the hearts of tempted wimmen and tempted men--fallen menand fallen wimmen--workin', waitin', toilin', nursin' the baby goodin the hearts of a sinful world--weepin' pale-faced over itscrucefixion--lookin' for its reserection. Oh how she has worked allthrough the ages!"

"Oh shaw!" sez Josiah, "some wimmen don't care about anythin' but crazywork and back combs. "

I felt took down, for I had been riz up, quite considerble, but I sez, reasonable:

"Yes, there are such wimmen, Josiah, but think of the sweet and saintlysouls that have given all their lives, and hopes, and thoughts to theMeetin' House--think of the throngs to-day that crowd the aisles ofthe Sanctuary--there are five wimmen to one man, I believe, in all themeetin' houses to-day a-workin' in His name. True Daughters of the King, no matter what their creed may be--Catholic or Protestant. 

"And while wimmen have done all this work for the Meetin' House, theMeetin' House ort to be honorable and do well by her. "

"Wall, hain't _he_?" sez Josiah. 

"No, _she_ hain't, " sez I. 

"Wall, what petickuler fault do you find? What has _he_ done lately torile you up?"

Sez I, "_She_ wuz in the wrong on't in not lettin' wimmen set on theConference. "

"Wall, I say _he_ wuz right, " sez Josiah. "_He_ knew, and I knew, thatwimmen wuzn't strong enough to set. "

"Why, " sez I, "it don't take so much strength to set as it duz to standup. And after workin' as hard as wimmen have for the Meetin' House, sheort to have the priveledge of settin'. And I am goin' to write out jestwhat I think about it. "

"Wall, " sez Josiah, as he started for the barn with the hen feed, "don'tbe too severe with the Meetin' House. "

And then, after he went out, he opened the door agin and stuck his headin and sez:

"Don't be too hard on _him_"

And then he shet the door quick, before I could say a word. But goodland! I didn't care. I knew I could say what I wanted to with myfaithful pen--and I am bound to say it. 

 JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE, Bonny View, near Adams, New York, Oct. 14th, 1890. 

CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER I. 

CHAPTER II. 

CHAPTER III. 

CHAPTER IV. 

CHAPTER V. 

CHAPTER VI. 

CHAPTER VII. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

CHAPTER IX. 

CHAPTER X. 

CHAPTER XI. 

CHAPTER XII. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

CHAPTER XV. 

CHAPTER XVI

CHAPTER XVII

CHAPTER XVIII

CHAPTER XIX

CHAPTER XX

CHAPTER XXI

CHAPTER XXII

CHAPTER XXIII

CHAPTER XXIV

CHAPTER XXV

CHAPTER XXVI

CHAPTER XXVII

CHAPTER XXVIII

_Publishers' Appendix_

CHAPTER I. 

When I first heard that wimmen wuz goin' to make a effort to set on aConference, it wuz on a Wednesday, as I remember well. For my companion, Josiah Allen, had drove over to Loontown in a Democrat and in a greathurry, to meet two men who wanted him to go into a speculation with 'em. 

And it wuz kinder curious to meditate on it, that they wuz all deacons, every one on 'em. Three on 'em wuz Baptis'es, and two on 'em had jinedour meetin' house, deacons, and the old name clung to 'em--we spozebecause they wuz such good, stiddy men, and looked up to. 

Take 'em all together there wuz five deacons. The two foreign deaconsfrom 'way beyond Jonesville, Deacon Keeler and Deacon Huffer, andour own three Jonesvillians--Deacon Henzy, Deacon Sypher, and my ownparticular Deacon, Josiah Allen. 

It wuz a wild and hazardous skeme that them two foreign deacons wuza-proposin', and I wuz strongly in favor of givin' 'em a negativeanswer; but Josiah wuz fairly crazy with the idee, and so wuz DeaconHenzy and Deacon Sypher (their wives told me how they felt). 

The idee was to build a buzz saw mill on the creek that runs throughJonesville, and have branches of it extend into Zoar, Loontown, andother more adjacent townships (the same creek runs through 'em all). 

As near as I could get it into my head, there wuz to be a buzz saw millapiece for the five deacons--each one of 'em to overlook their ownparticular buzz saw--but the money comin' from all on 'em to be dividedup equal among the five deacons. 

[Illustration: "A WILD AND HAZARDOUS SKEME. "]

They thought there wuz lots of money in the idee. But I wuz very setagainst it from the first. It seemed to me that to have buzz sawsa-permeatin' the atmosphere, as you may say, for so wide a space, wouldmake too much of a confusion and noise, to say nothin' of the jarin'that would take place and ensue. I felt more and more, as I meditated onthe subject, that a buzz saw, although estimable in itself, yet it wuznot a spear in which a religious deacon could withdraw from the world, and ponder on the great questions pertainin' to his own and the world'ssalvation. 

I felt it wuz not a spear that he could revolve round in and keep thatapartness from this world and nearness to the other, that I felt thatdeacons ought to cultivate. 

But my idees wuz frowned at by every man in Jonesville, when I venturedto promulgate 'em. They all said, "The better the man, the better thedeed. "

They said, "The better the man wuz, the better the buzz saw he would belikely to run. " The fact wuz, they needed some buzz saw mills bad, andwuz very glad to have these deacons lay holt of 'em. 

[Illustration: TALKING OVER THE BUZZ-SAW. ]

But I threw out this question at 'em, and stood by it--"If bein' setapart as a deacon didn't mean anything? If there wuzn't any deacon-workthat they ought to be expected to do--and if it wuz right for 'em togo into any world's work so wild and hazardous and engrossin', as thisenterprise?"

And again they sez to me in stern, decided axents, "The better the man, the better the deed. We need buzz saws. "

And then they would turn their backs to me and stalk away veryhigh-headed. 

And I felt that I wuz a gettin' fearfully onpopular all throughJonesville, by my questions. I see that the hull community wuz so sot onhavin' them five deacons embark onto these buzz saws that they would notbrook any interference, least of all from a female woman. 

But I had a feelin' that Josiah Allen wuz, as you may say, my lawfulprey. I felt that I had a right to question my own pardner for the goodof his own soul, and my piece of mind. 

And I sez to him in solemn axents:

"Josiah Allen, what time will you get when you are fairly started onyour buzz saw, for domestic life, or social, or for religious duties?"

And Josiah sez, "Dumb 'em! I guess a man is a goin' to make money whenhe has got a chance. " And I asked him plain if he had got so low, and ifI had lived with him twenty years for this, to hear him in the end dumbreligious duties. 

And Josiah acted skairt and conscience smut for most half a minute, andsaid, "he didn't dumb 'em. "

"What wuz you dumbin'?" sez I, coldly. 

"I wuz dumbin' the idee, " sez he, "that a man can't make money when hehas a chance to. "

But I sez, a haulin' up this strong argument agin--

"Every one of you men, who are a layin' holt of this enterprise anda-embarkin' onto this buzz saw are married men, and are deacons in ameetin' house. Now this work you are a-talkin' of takin' up will devourall of your time, every minute of it, that you can spare from yourfarms. 

"And to say nothin' of your wives and children not havin' any chanceof havin' any comfort out of your society. What will become of theinterests of Zion at home and abroad, of foreign and domestic missions, prayer meetin's, missionary societies, temperance meetin's and goodworks generally?"

And then again I thought, and it don't seem as if I can be mistaken, Imost know that I heerd Josiah Allen mutter in a low voice, "Dumb good works!"

[Illustration: "I HEERD JOSIAH MUTTER, 'DUMB GOOD WORKS!'"]

But I wouldn't want this told of, for I may be mistook. I didn't fairlyketch the words, and I spoke out agin, in dretful meanin' and harrowin'axents, and sez, "What will become of all this gospel work?"

And Josiah had by this time got over his skare and conscience smite (mencan't keep smut for more'n several minutes anyway, their consciences areso elastic; good land! rubber cord can't compare with 'em), and he hadcollected his mind all together, and he spoke out low and clear, and ina tone as if he wuz fairly surprised I should make the remark:

"Why, the gospel work will get along jest as it always has, the wimmenwill 'tend to it. "

And I own I was kinder lost and by the side of myself when I asked thequestion--and very anxious to break up the enterprise or I shouldn'thave put the question to him. 

For I well knew jest as he did that wimmen wuz most always the ones togo ahead in church and charitable enterprises. And especially now, forthere wuz a hardness arozen amongst the male men of the meetin' house, and they wouldn't do a thing they could help (but of this more anon andbimeby). 

There wuz two or three old males in the meetin' house, too old to getmad and excited easy, that held firm, and two very pious old malebrothers, but poor, very poor, had to be supported by the meetin' house, and lame. They stood firm, or as firm as they could on such legs astheirs wuz, inflammatory rheumatiz and white swellin's and such. 

But all the rest had got their feelin's hurt, and got mad, etc. , andwouldn't do a thing to help the meetin' house along. 

Well, I tried every lawful, and mebby a little on-lawful way to breakthis enterprise of theirs up--and, as I heern afterwards, so did SisterHenzy. 

Sister Sypher is so wrapped up in Deacon Sypher that she would embrace abuzz saw mill or any other enterprise he could bring to bear onto her. 

"She would be perfectly willin' to be trompled on, " so she often sez, "if Deacon Sypher wuz to do the tromplin'. "

Some sez he duz. 

Wall, in spite of all my efforts, and in spite of all Sister Henzy'sefforts, our deacons seemed to jest flourish on this skeme of theirn. And when we see it wuz goin' to be a sure thing, even Sister Sypherbegin to feel bad. 

She told Albina Widrig, and Albina told Miss Henn, and Miss Henn toldme, that "what to do she didn't know, it would deprive her of so much ofthe deacon's society. " It wuz goin' to devour so much of his time thatshe wuz afraid she couldn't stand it. She told Albina in confidence (andAlbina wouldn't want it told of, nor Miss Henn, nor I wouldn't) that shehad often been obleeged to go out into the lot between breakfast anddinner to see the deacon, not bein' able to stand it without lookin' onhis face till dinner time. 

And when she was laid up with a lame foot it wuz known that the deaconleft his plowin' and went up to the house, or as fur as the door step, four or five times in the course of a mornin's work, it wuz spozedbecause she wuz fearful of forgettin' how he looked before noon. 

She is a dretful admirin' woman. 

She acts dretful reverential and admirin' towards men--always callsher husband "the Deacon, " as if he was the one lonely deacon who wasperambulatin' the globe at this present time. And it is spozed thatwhen she dreams about him she dreams of him as "the Deacon, " and not asSamuel (his given name is Samuel). 

[Illustration: "THE INITIALS STOOD FOR 'MISS DEACON SYPHER. '"]

But we don't know that for certain. We only spoze it. For the land ofdreams is a place where you can't slip on your sun-bonnet and follerneighbor wimmen to see what they are a-doin' or what they are a-sayin'from hour to hour. 

No, the best calculator on gettin' neighborhood news can't even lookinto that land, much less foller a neighborin' female into it. 

No, their barks have got to be moored outside of them mysterious shores. 

But, as I said, this had been spozen. 

But it is known from actual eyesight that she marks all her sheets, andnapkins, and piller-cases, and such, "M. D. S. " And I asked her one daywhat the M. Stood for, for I 'spozed, of course, the D. S. Stood forDrusillia Sypher. 

And she told me with a real lot of dignity that the initials stood for"Miss Deacon Sypher. "

Wall, the Jonesville men have been in the habit of holdin' her up as apattern to their wives for some time, and the Jonesville wimmenhain't hated her so bad as you would spoze they all would underthe circumstances, on account, we all think, of her bein' such agood-hearted little creeter. We all like Drusilly and can't help it. 

Wall, even she felt bad and deprested on account of her Deacon's goin'into the buzz saw-mill business. 

But she didn't say nothin', only wept out at one side, and wiped upevery time he came in sight. 

They say that she hain't never failed once of a-smilin' on the Deaconevery time he came home. And once or twice he has got as mad as a hen ather for smilin'. Once, when he came home with a sore thumb--he had jestsmashed it in the barn door--and she stood a-smilin' at him on the doorstep, there are them that say the Deacon called her a "infernal fool. "

But I never have believed it. I don't believe he would demean himself solow. 

But he yelled out awful at her, I do 'spoze, for his pain wuz intense, and she stood stun still, a-smilin' at him, jest accordin' to the storybooks. And he sez:

"Stand there like a----fool, will you! Get me a _rag!_"

I guess he did say as much as that. 

But they say she kept on a-smilin' for some time--couldn't seem tostop, she had got so hardened into that way. 

[Illustration: "ONCE, WHEN HER FACE WUZ ALL SWELLED UP, SHE SMILED ATHIM. "]

And once, when her face wuz all swelled up with the toothache, shesmiled at him accordin' to rule when he got home, and they say theeffect wuz fearful, both on her looks and the Deacon's acts. They say hewas mad again, and called her some names. But as a general thing theyget along first rate, I guess, or as well as married folks in general, and he makes a good deal of her. 

I guess they get along without any more than the usual amount ofdifficulties between husbands and wives, and mebby with less. I knowthis, anyway, that she just about worships the Deacon. 

Wall, as I say, it was the very day that these three deacons went toLoontown to meet Deacon Keeler and Deacon Huffer, to have a conferencetogether as to the interests of the buzz saw mill that I first heardthe news that wimmen wuz goin' to make a effort to set on the MethodistConference, and the way I heerd on't wuz as follows:

Josiah Allen brought home to me that night a paper that one of theforeign deacons, Deacon Keeler, had lent him. It contained a articlethat wuz wrote by Deacon Keeler's son, Casper Keeler--a witherin'article about wimmen's settin' on the Conference. It made all sorts offun of the projeck. 

We found out afterwards that Casper Keeler furnished nearly all thecapital for the buzz saw mill enterprise at his father's urgent request. His father, Deacon Keeler, didn't have a cent of money of his own; itfell onto Casper from his mother and aunt. They had kept a big millinerystore in the town of Lyme, and a branch store in Loontown, and wuz greatworkers, and had laid up a big property. And when they died, the aunt, bein' a maiden woman at the time, the money naturally fell onto Casper. He wuz a only child, and they had brung him up tender, and fairlyworshipped him. 

They left him all the money, but left a anuety to be paid yearly to hisfather, Deacon Keeler, enough to support him. 

The Deacon and his wife had always lived happy together--she loved towork, and he loved to have her work, so they had similar tastes, and wuzvery congenial--and when she died he had the widest crape on his hatthat wuz ever seen in the town of Lyme. (The crape was some she had leftin the shop. )

He mourned deep, both in his crape and his feelin's, there hain't adoubt of that. 

Wall, Miss Keelerses will provided money special for Casper to beeducated high. So he went to school and to college, from the time he wasborn, almost. So he knew plenty of big words, and used 'em fairly lavishin this piece. There wuz words in it of from six to seven syllables. Why, I hadn't no idee till I see 'em with my own eye, that there wuzany such words in the English language, and words of from four to sixsyllables wuz common in it. 

His father, Deacon Keeler, wouldn't give the paper to my companion, hethought so much of it, but he offered to lend it to him, because he saidhe felt that the idees it promulgated wuz so sound and deep they oughtto be disseminated abroad. 

The idees wuz, "that wimmen hadn't no business to set on the Conference. She wuz too weak to set on it. It wuz too high a place for her tooventur' on, or to set on with any ease. There wuzn't no more than roomup there for what men would love to set on it. Wimmen's place wuz in thesacred precinks of home. She wuz a tender, fragile plant, that neededguardin' and guidin' and kep by man's great strength and tender carefrom havin' any cares and labors whatsoever and wheresoever andhowsumever. "

Josiah said it wuz a masterly dockument. And it wuz writ well. Itpainted in wild, glarin' colors the fear that men had that wimmen wouldstrain themselves to do anything at all in the line of work--or wouldweaken her hull constitution, and lame her moral faculties, and ruinherself by tryin' to set up on a Conference, or any other high andtottlin' eminence. 

The piece wuz divided into three different parts, with a headin' in bigletters over each one. 

The _first_ wuz, wimmen to have no labors and cares WHATSOEVER;

_Secondly_, NONE WHERESOEVER;

_Thirdly_, NONE HOWSUMEVER. 

The writer then proceeded to say that he would show first, _what_ caresand labors men wuz willin' and anxious to ward offen women. And heproved right out in the end that there wuzn't a thing that they wantedwimmen to do--not a single thing. 

Then he proceeded to tell _where_ men wuz willin' to keep their laborsand cares offen wimmen. And he proved it right out that it wuz every_where_. In the home, the little sheltered, love-guarded home of thefarmer, the mechanic and the artizen (makin' special mention of the buzzsawyers). And also in the palace walls and the throne. There and every_where_ men would fain shelter wimmen from every care, and every labor, even the lightest and slightest. 

Then lastly came the _howsumever_. He proceeded to show _how_ this couldbe done. And he proved it right out (or thought he did) that the firstgreat requisit' to accomplish all this, wuz to keep wimmen in herplace. Keep her from settin' on the Conference, and all other tottlin'eminences, fitted only for man's stalwart strength. 

And the end of the article wuz so sort of tragick and skairful thatJosiah wept when he read it. He pictured it out in such strong colors, the danger there wuz of puttin' wimmen, or allowin' her to put herselfin such a high and percipitous place, such a skairful and dangerousposture as settin' up on a Conference. 

[Illustration: "JOSIAH WEPT WHEN HE READ IT. "]

"To have her set up on it, " sez the writer, in conclusion, "wouldendanger her life, her spiritual, her mental and her moral growth. Itwould shake the permanency of the sacred home relations to its downfall. It would hasten anarchy, and he thought sizm. " Why, Josiah Allenhandled that paper as if it wuz pure gold. I know he asked me anxiouslyas he handed it to me to read, "if my hands wuz perfectly clean, " and wehad some words about it. 

And till he could pass it on to Deacon Sypher to read he kep it in theBible. He put it right over in Galatians, for I looked to see--SecondGalatians. 

And he wrapped it up in a soft handkerchief when he carried it over toDeacon Sypherses. And Deacon Sypher treasured it like a pearl of greatprice (so I spoze) till he could pass it on to Deacon Henzy. 

And Deacon Henzy was to carry it with care to a old male Deacon in Zoar, bed rid. 

Wall, as I say, that is the very first I had read about their bein' anyidee promulgated of wimmens settin' up on the Conference. 

And I, in spite of Josiah Allen's excitement, wuz in favor on't from thevery first. 

Yes, I wuz awfully in favor of it, and all I went through durin' thenext and ensuin' weeks didn't put the idee out of my head. No, far fromit. It seemed as if the severer my sufferin's wuz, the much more thisidee flourished in my soul. Just as a heavy plow will meller up the soilso white lilies can take root, or any other kind of sweet posies. 

And oh! my heart! wuz not my sufferin's with Lodema Trumble, a hard plowand a harrowin' one, and one that turned up deep furrows?

But of this, more anon and bimeby. 

CHAPTER II. 

Wall, it wuz on the very next day--on a Thursday as I remember well, forI wuz a-thinkin' why didn't Lodema's letter come the next day--Fridaysbein' considered onlucky--and it being a day for punishments, hangin's, and so forth. 

But it didn't, it came on a Thursday. And my companion had been toJonesville and brung me back two letters; he brung 'em in, leavin' theold mair standin' at the gate, and handed me the letters, ten pounds ofgranulated sugar, a pound of tea, and the request I should have supperon the table by the time that he got back from Deacon Henzy's. 

(On that old buzz-saw business agin, so I spozed, but wouldn't ask. )

Wall, I told him supper wuz begun any way, and he had better hurry back. But he wuz belated by reason of Deacon Henzy's bein' away, so I setthere for some time alone. 

Wall, I wuz goin' to have some scolloped oysters for supper, so thefirst thing I did wuz to put 'em into the oven--they wuz all ready, Ihad scolloped 'em before Josiah come, and got 'em all ready for theoven--and then I set down and read my letters. 

Wall, the first one I opened wuz from Lodema Trumble, Josiah's cousin onhis own side. And her letter brought the sad and harrowin' intelligencethat she was a-comin' to make us a good long visit. The letter had beendelayed. She was a-comin' that very night, or the next day. Wall, Isithed deep. I love company dearly, but--oh my soul, is there not adifference, a difference in visitors?

Wall, suffice it to say, I sithed deep, and opened the other letter, thinkin' it would kind o' take my mind off. 

And for all the world! I couldn't hardly believe my eyes. But it wuz! Itwuz from Serena Fogg. It wuz from the Authoress of "Wedlock's PeacefulRepose. "

I hadn't heard a word from her for upwards of four years. And the letterbrung me startlin' intelligence. 

It opened with the unexpected information that she wuz married. She hadbeen married three years and a half to a butcher out to the Ohio. 

And I declare my first thought wuz as I read it, "Wall, she has wrotedretful flowery on wedlock, and its perfect, onbroken calm, and peacefulrepose, and now she has had a realizin' sense of what it really is. "

But when I read a little further, I see what the letter wuz writ for. Isee why, at this late day, she had started up and writ me a letter. Isee it wuz writ on duty. 

She said she had found out that I wuz in the right on't and she wuzn't. She said that when in the past she had disputed me right up and down, and insisted that wedlock wuz a state of perfect serenity, never brokenin upon by any cares or vexations whatsomever, she wuz in the wrongon't. 

She said she had insisted that when anybody had moored their barks intothat haven of wedded life, that they wuz forever safe from any rudebuffetin's from the world's waves; that they wuz exempt from any toil, any danger, any sorrow, any trials whatsomever. And she had found shewas mistook. 

She said I told her it wuz a first-rate state, and a satisfactory onefor wimmen; but still it had its trials, and she had found it so. Shesaid that I insisted its serenity wuz sometimes broken in upon, and shehad found it so. The last day at my house had tottled her faith, and herown married experience had finished the work. Her husband wuz a worthyman, and she almost worshipped him. But he had a temper, and he ravedround considerable when meals wuzn't ready on time, and she havin' hadtwo pairs of twins durin' her union (she comes from a family on hermother's side, so I had hearn before, where twins wuz contagious), shecouldn't always be on the exact minute. She had to work awful hard; thisbroke in on her serenity. 

Her husband devotedly loved her, so she said; but still, she said, hisbootjack had been throwed voyalent where corns wuz hit onexpected. 

[Illustration: "FOUR TWINS BROKE IN ALSO ON HER WAVELESS CALM. "]

Their souls wuz mated firm as they could be in deathless ties ofaffection and confidence, yet doors _had_ been slammed and oathsemitted, when clothin' rent and buttons tarried not with him. Strangeactions and demeanors had been displayed in hours of high-headedness andimpatience, which had skaired her almost to death before gettin'accustomed to 'em. 

The four twins broke in also on her waveless calm. They wuz lovelycherubs, and the four apples of her eyes. But they did yell at times, they kicked, they tore round and acted; they made work--lots of work. And one out of each pair snored. It broke up each span, as you may say. The snorin' filled each room devoted to 'em. 

_He_ snored, loud. A good man and a noble man he wuz, so she repeatedit, but she found out too late--too late, that he snored. The house wuzsmall; she could _not_ escape from snores, turn she where she would. Shegot tired out with her work days, and couldn't rest nights. Her husband, as he wuz doin' such a flourishin' business, had opened a cattle-yardnear the house. She wuz proud of his growin' trade, but the bellerin'of the cattle disturbed her fearfully. Also the calves bleating and thelambs callin' on their dams. 

It wuz a long letter, filled with words like these, and it ended up bysaying that for years now she had wanted to write and tell me that I hadbeen in the right on't and she in the wrong. I had been megum and shehadn't. And she ended by sayin', "God bless me and adoo. "

[Illustration: THE LECTURE. ]

The fire crackled softly on the clean hearth. The teakettle sung a songof welcome and cheer. The oysters sent out an agreeable atmosphere. Thesnowy table, set out in pretty china and glassware, looked invitin', andI set there comfortable and happy and so peaceful in my frame, that theevents of the past, in which Serena Fogg had flourished, seemed but asyesterday. 

I thought it all over, that pleasant evenin' in the past, when JosiahAllen had come in unexpected, and brung the intelligence to me thatthere wuz goin' to be a lectur' give that evenin' by a young female atthe Jonesville school-house, and beset me to go. 

And I give my consent. Then my mind travelled down that pleasant road, moongilded, to the school-house. It stopped on the door-step whileJosiah hitched the mair. 

We found the school-house crowded full, fur a female lecturer wuz ararity, and she wuz a pretty girl, as pretty a girl as I ever see in mylife. 

And it wuz a pretty lecture, too, dretful pretty. The name of thelecture wuz, "Wedlock's Peaceful and Perfect Repose. "

A pretty name, I think, and it wuz a beautiful lecture, very, andextremely flowery. It affected some of the hearers awfully; they wuzall carried away with it. Josiah Allen wept like a child durin' therehearsin' of it. I myself didn't weep, but I enjoyed it, some of it, first rate. 

I can't begin to tell it all as she did, 'specially after this length oftime, in such a lovely, flowery way, but I can probably give a few ofthe heads of it. 

It hain't no ways likely that I can give the heads half the stylish, eloquent look that she did as she held 'em up, but I can jest give thebare heads. 

She said that there had been a effort made in some directions to try tospeak against the holy state of matrimony. The papers had been full ofthe subject, "Is Marriage a Failure, or is it not?"

She had even read these dreadful words--"Marriage is a Failure. " Shehated these words, she despised 'em. And while some wicked people spokeagainst this holy institution, she felt it to be her duty, as well asprivilege, to speak in its praise. 

I liked it first rate, I can tell you, when she went on like that. Forno living soul can uphold marriage with a better grace that can shewhose name vuz once Smith. 

I _love_ Josiah Allen, I am _glad_ that I married him. But at the sametime, my almost devoted love doesn't make me blind. I can see on everyside of a subject, and although, as I said heretofore, and prior, I loveJosiah Allen, I also love megumness, and I could not fully agree withevery word she said. 

But she went on perfectly beautiful--I didn't wonder it brought theschool-house down--about the holy calm and perfect rest of marriage, andhow that calm wuz never invaded by any rude cares. 

How man watched over the woman he loved; how he shielded her from everyrude care; kept labor and sorrow far, far from her; how woman's life wuzlike a oneasy, roarin', rushin' river, that swept along discontented andonsatisfied, moanin' and lonesome, until it swept into the calm sea ofRepose--melted into union with the grand ocian of Rest, marriage. 

And then, oh! how calm and holy and sheltered wuz that state! Howpeaceful, how onruffled by any rude changes! Happiness, Peace, Calm! Oh, how sweet, how deep wuz the ocian of True Love in which happy, unitedsouls bathed in blissful repose!

[Illustration: "HE HAD ON A NEW VEST. "]

It was dretful pretty talk, and middlin' affectin'. There wasn't a dryeye in Josiah Allen's head, and I didn't make no objection to his givin'vent to his feelin's, only when I see him bust out a-weepin' I jestslipped my pocket-handkerchief 'round his neck and pinned it behind. (His handkerchief wuz in constant use, a cryin' and weepin' as he wuz. )And I knew that salt water spots black satin awfully. He had on a newvest. 

Submit Tewksbury cried and wept, and wept and cried, caused byremembrances, it wuz spozed. Of which, more anon, and bimeby. 

And Drusilly Sypher, Deacon Sypherses wife, almost had a spazzum, causedby admiration and bein' so highly tickled. 

I myself didn't shed any tears, as I have said heretofore. And what kep'me calmer wuz, I _knew_, I knew from the bottom of my heart, that shewent too fur, she wuzn't megum enough. 

And then she went on to draw up metafors, and haul in illustrations, comparin' married life and single--jest as likely metafors as I eversee, and as good illustrations as wuz ever brung up, only they every oneof 'em had this fault--when she got to drawin' 'em, she drawed 'em toofur. And though she brought the school-house down, she didn't convinceme. 

[Illustration: "I MYSELF DIDN'T SHED ANY TEARS. "]

Once she compared single life to a lonely goose travellin' alone acrostthe country, 'cross lots, lonesome and despairin', travellin' alongover a thorny way, and desolate, weighed down by melancholy and gloomyforebodin's, and takin' a occasional rest by standin' up on one coldfoot and puttin' its weery head under its wing, with one round eyelookin' out for dangers that menaced it, and lookin', also, perhaps, fora possible mate, for the comin' gander--restless, wobblin', oneasy, miserable. 

Why, she brought the school-house down, and got the audience all wroughtup with pity, and sympathy. Oh, how Submit Tewksbury did weep; she weptaloud (she had been disappointed, but of this more bimeby). 

And then she went on and compared that lonesome voyager to two blissfulwedded ones. A pair of white swans floatin' down the waveless calm, bathed in silvery light, floatin' down a shinin' stream that wuz neverbroken by rough waves, bathed in a sunshine that wuz never darkened by acloud. 

And then she went on to bring up lots of other things to compare the twostates to--flowery things and sweet, and eloquent. 

She compared single life to quantities of things, strange, weird, melancholy things, and curius. Why, they wuz so powerful that every oneof 'em brought the school-house down. 

And then she compared married life to two apple blossoms hangin'together on one leafy bough on the perfumed June air, floatin' back andforth under the peaceful benediction of summer skies. 

And she compared it to two white lambs gambolin' on the velvetyhill-side. To two strains of music meltin' into one dulcet harmony, perfect, divine harmony, with no discordant notes. 

Josiah hunched me, he wanted me to cry there, at that place, but Iwouldn't. He did, he cried like an infant babe, and I looked close andsearchin' to see if my handkerchief covered up all his vest. 

He didn't seem to take no notice of his clothes at all, he wuz a-weepin'so--why, the whole schoolhouse wept, wept like a babe. 

But I didn't. I see it wuz a eloquent and powerful effort. I see it wasbeautiful as anything could be, but it lacked that one thing I havementioned prior and before this time. It lacked megumness. 

I knew they wuz all impressive and beautful illustrations, I couldn'tdeny it, and I didn't want to deny it. But I knew in my heart that thelonely goose that she had talked so eloquent about, I knew that thoughits path might be tegus the most of the time, yet occasionally itstepped upon velvet grass and blossomin' daisies. And though the happywedded swans floated considerable easy a good deal of the time, yetoccasionally they had their wings rumpled by storms, thunder storms, sudden squalls, and et cetery, et cetery. 

And I knew the divine harmony of wedded love, though it is the sweetestthat earth affords, I knew that, and my Josiah knew it--the verysweetest and happiest strains that earthly lips can sing. 

Yet I knew that it wuz both heavenly sweet, and divinely sad, blendeddiscord and harmony. I knew there wuz minor chords in it, as well asmajor, I knew that we must await love's full harmony in heaven. Thereshall we sing it with the pure melody of the immortals, my Josiah andme. But I am a eppisodin', and to continue and resoom. 

Wall, we wuz invited to meet the young female after the lecture wuzover, to be introduced to her and talk it over. 

She wuz the Methodist minister's wive's cousin, and the minister's wifetold me she wuz dretful anxious to get my opinion on the lecture. Ispoze she wanted to get the opinion of one of the first wimmen of theday. For though I am fur from bein' the one that ort to mention it, Ihave heard of such things bein' said about me all round Jonesville, andas far as Loontown and Shackville. And so, I spoze, she wanted to gethold of my opinion. 

Wall, I wuz introduced to her, and I shook hands with her, and kissedher on both cheeks, for she is a sweet girl and I liked her looks. 

I could see that she was very, VERY sentimental, but she had a sweet, confidin', innocent look to her, and I give her a good kissin' and Imeant it. When I like a person, I _do_ like 'em, and visy-versey. 

But at the same time my likin' for a person mustn't be strong enough tooverthrow my principles. And when she asked me in her sweet axents, "HowI liked her lecture, and if I could see any faults in it?" I leaned upagainst Duty, and told her, "I liked it first-rate, but I couldn't agreewith every word of it. "

Here Josiah Allen give me a look sharp enough to take my head clear off, if looks could behead anybody. But they can't. 

And I kept right on, calm and serene, and sez I, "It wuz very full ofbeautiful idees, as full of 'em as a rose-bush is full of sweetness inJune, but, " says I, "if I speak at all I must tell the truth, and I mustsay that while your lecture is as sweet and beautiful a effort as I eversee tackled, full of beautiful thoughts, and eloquence, still I must saythat in my opinion it lacked one thing, it wuzn't mean enough. "

"Mean enough?" sez she. "What do you mean?"

"Why, " sez I, "I mean, mean temperature, you know, middleinness, megumness, and whatever you may call it; you go too fur. "

She said with a modest look "that she guessed she didn't, she guessedshe didn't go too far. "

And Josiah Allen spoke up, cross as a bear, and, sez he, "I know shedidn't. She didn't say a word that wuzn't gospel truth. "

Sez I, "Married life is the happiest life in my opinion; that is, whenit is happy. Some hain't happy, but at the same time the happiest of 'emhain't _all_ happiness. "

"It is, " sez Josiah (cross and surly), "it is, too. "

[Illustration: "YOU GO TOO FUR. "]

And Serena Fogg said, gently, that she thought I wuz mistaken, "shethought it wuz. " And Josiah jined right in with her and said:

"He _knew_ it wuz, and he would take his oath to it. "

But I went right on, and, sez I, "Mebby it is in one sense the mostpeaceful; that is, when the affections are firm set and stabled it makes'em more peaceful than when they are a-traipsin' round and a-wanderin'. But, " sez I, "marriage hain't _all_ peace. "

Sez Josiah: "It is, and I'll swear to it. "

Sez I, goin' right on, cool and serene, "The sunshine of true love gildsthe pathway with the brightest radiance we know anything about, but ithain't all radiance. "

"Yes, it is, " sez Josiah, firmly, "it is, every mite of it. "

And Serena Fogg sez, tenderly and amiably, "Yes, I think Mr. Allen isright; I think it is. "

"Wall, " sez I, in meanin' axcents, awful meanin', "when you are marriedyou will change your opinion, you mark my word. "

And she said, gently, but persistently, "That she guessed she shouldn't;she guessed she was in the right of it. "

Sez I, "You think when anybody is married they have got beyend allearthly trials, and nothin' but perfect peace and rest remains?"

And she sez, gently, "Yes, mem!"

"Why, " sez I, "I am married, and have been for upwards of twenty years, and I think I ought to know somethin' about it; and how can it be calleda state of perfect rest, when some days I have to pass through as manychanges as a comet, and each change a tegus one. I have to wabble roundand be a little of everything, and change sudden, too. 

"I have to be a cook, a step-mother, a housemaid, a church woman, a wetnurse (lots of times I have to wade out in the damp grass to take careof wet chickens and goslins). I have to be a tailoress, a dairy-maid, a literary soarer, a visitor, a fruit-canner, a adviser, a soother, adressmaker, a hostess, a milliner, a gardener, a painter, a surgeon, adoctor, a carpenter, a woman, and more'n forty other things. 

"Marriage is a first-rate state, and agreeable a good deal of the time;but it haint a state of perfect peace and rest, and you'll find out ithaint if you are ever married. "

But Miss Fogg said, mildly, "that she thought I wuz mistaken--shethought it wuz. "

"You do?" sez I. 

"Yes, mem, " sez she. 

I got up, and sez I, "Come, Josiah, I guess we had better be a-goin'. "I thought it wouldn't do no good to argue any more with her, and Josiahstarted off after the mair. He had hitched it on the barn floor. 

She didn't seem willin' to have me go; she seemed to cling to me. Sheseemed to be a good, affectionate little creetur. And she said she wouldgive anything almost if she could rehearse the hull lecture over to me, and have me criticise it. Sez she:

"I have heard so much about you, and what a happy home you have. "

"Yes, " sez I, "it is as happy as the average of happy homes, any way. "

And sez she, "I have heard that you and your husband wuz just devoted toeach other. " And I told her "that our love for each other wuz like tworocks that couldn't be moved. "

And she said, "On these very accounts she fairly hankered after myadvice and criticism. She said she hadn't never lived in any house wherethere wuz a livin' man, her father havin' died several months before shewas born; and she hadn't had the experience that I had, and she presumedthat I could give her several little idees that she hadn't thought on. "

And I told her calmly "that I presumed I could. "

It seemed that her father died two months after marriage, right in themidst of the mellow light of the honeymoon, before he had had time todrop the exstatic sweetness of courtship and newly-married bliss andcome down into the ordinary, everyday, good and bad demeanors of men. 

And she had always lived with her mother (who naturally worshippedand mentally knelt before the memory of her lost husband) and threesentimental maiden aunts. And they had drawed all their knowledge ofmanhood from Moore's poems and Solomon's Songs. So Serena Fogg's ideesof men and married life wuz about as thin and as well suited to standthe wear and tear of actual experience as a gauze dress would be to facea Greenland winter in. 

And so, after considerable urgin' on her part (for I kinder hung backand hated to tackle the job, but not knowin' but that it wuz duty'scall), I finally consented, and it wuz arranged this way:

She wuz to come down to our house some day, early in the mornin', andstay all day, and she wuz to stand up in front of me and rehearse thelecture over to me, and I wuz to set and hear it, and when she came to aplace where I didn't agree with her I wuz to lift up my right hand andshe wuz to stop rehearsin', and we wuz to argue with each other back andforth and try to convince each other. 

And when we got it all arranged Josiah and I set out for home, I calm inmy frame, though dreadin' the job some. 

CHAPTER III. 

But Josiah Allen wuz jest crazy over that lecture--crazy as a loon. Heraved about it all the way home, and he would repeat over lots of itto me. About "how a man's love was the firm anchor that held a woman'shappiness stiddy; how his calm and peaceful influence held her mind ina serene calm--a waveless repose; how tender men wuz of the fair sect, how they watched over 'em and held 'em in their hearts. "

"Oh, " sez he, "it went beyond anything I ever heard of. I always knewthat men wuz good and pious, but I never realized how dumb pious theywuz till to-night. "

"She said, " sez I, in considerable dry axents--not so dry as I keep byme, but pretty dry--"No true man would let a woman perform any manuellabor. "

"Wall, he won't. There ain't no need of your liftin' your little fingerin emanuel labor. "

"Manuel, Josiah. "

"Wall, I said so, didn't I? Hain't I always holdin' you back from work?"

"Yes, " sez I. "You often speak of it, Josiah. You are as good, " sez I, firmly, "full as good as the common run of men, and I think a littlebetter. But there are things that have to be done. A married woman thathas a house and family to see to and don't keep a hired girl, can't getalong without some work and care. "

"Wall I say, " sez he, "that there hain't no need of you havin' a care, not a single care. Not as long as I live--if it wuzn't for me, you mighthave some cares, and most probable would, but not while I live. "

I didn't say nothin' back, for I don't want to hurt his feelin's, andwon't, not if I can help it. And he broke out again anon, or nearlyanon--

[Illustration: "OH, WHAT A LECTURE THAT WUZ. "]

"Oh, what a lecture that wuz. Did you notice when she wuz goin' onperfectly beautiful, about the waveless sea of married life--did younotice how it took the school house down? And I wuz perfectly mortifiedto see you didn't weep or even clap your hands. "

"Wall, " sez I, firmly, "when I weep or when I clap, I weep and clapon the side of truth. And I can't see things as she duz. I have beena-sailin' on that sea she depictured for over twenty years, and havenever wanted to leave it for any other waters. But, as I told her, andtell you now, it hain't always a smooth sea, it has its ups and downs, jest like any other human states. "

Sez I, soarin' up a very little ways, not fur, for it wuz too cold, andI was too tired, "There hain't but one sea, Josiah Allen, that is calmforever, and one day we will float upon it, you and me. It is the seaby which angels walk and look down into its crystal depths, and beholdtheir blessed faces. It is the sea on whose banks the fadeless liliesblow--and that mirrors the soft, cloudless sky of the Happy Morning. Itis the sea of Eternal Repose, that rude blasts can never blow up intobillows. But our sea--the sea of married life--is not like that, it isofttimes billowy and rough. "

"I say it hain't, " sez he, for he was jest carried away with thelecture, and enthused. "We have had a happy time together, Josiah Allen, for over twenty years, but has our sea of life always been perfectlysmooth?"

"Yes, it has; smooth as glass. "

"Hain't there never been a cloud in our sky?"

"No, there hain't; not a dumb cloud. "

Sez I, sternly, "There has in mine. Your wicked and profane swearin' hascast many and many a cloud over my sky, and I'd try to curb in my tongueif I was in your place. "

"'Dumb' hain't swearin', " sez he. And then he didn't say nothin' moretill anon, or nearly at that time, he broke out agin, and sez he:

"Never, never did I hear or see such eloquence till to-night I'll havethat girl down to our house to stay a week, if I'm a living JosiahAllen. "

"All right, " sez I, cheerfully. "I'd love to have her stay a week orten days, and I'll invite her, too, when she comes down to rehearse herlecture. "

Wall we got home middlin' tired, and the subject kinder dropped down, and Josiah had lots of work come on the next day, and so did I, andcompany. And it run along for over a week before she come. And when shedid come, it wuz in a dreadful bad time. It seems as if she couldn'thave come in a much worse time. 

It wuz early one mornin', not more than nine o'clock, if it wuz that. There had come on a cold snap of weather unexpected, and Josiah wuza-bringin' in the cook stove from the summer kitchen, when she come. 

Josiah Allen is a good man. He is my choice out of a world full of men, but I can't conceal it from myself that his words at such a time arealways voyalent, and his demeanor is not the demeanor that I would wishto have showed off to the public. 

He wuz at the worst place, too. He had got the stove wedged into theentry-way door, and couldn't get it either way. He had acted awkwardwith it, and I told him so, and he see it when it wuz too late. 

He had got it fixed in such a way that he couldn't get into the kitchenhimself without gettin' over the stove, and I, in the course of duty, thought it wuz right to tell him that if he had heerd to me he wouldn'thave been in such a fix. Oh! the voyalence and frenzy of his demeanor ashe stood there a-hollerin'. I wuz out in the wood-house shed a-bilin' mycider apple sass in the big cauldron kettle, but I heard the racket, and as I come a-runnin' in I thought I heard a little rappin' at thesettin'-room door, but I didn't notice it much, I wuz that agitated tosee the way the stove and Josiah wuz set and wedged in. 

There the stove wuz, wedged firm into the doorway, perfectly sot there. There wuz sut all over the floor, and there stood Josiah Allen, on thewood-house side, with his coat off, his shirt all covered with black, and streaks of black all over his face. And oh! how wild and almostfrenzied his attitude wuz as he stood there as if he couldn't move norbe moved no more than the stove could. And oh! the voyalence of thelanguage he hurled at me acrost that stove. 

"Why, " sez I, "you must come in here, Josiah Allen, and pull it fromthis side. "

And then he hollered at me, and asked me:

"How in thunder he was a goin' to _get_ in. " And then he wanted to know"if I wanted him squshed into jelly by comin' in by the side of it--orif I thought he wuz a crane, that he could step over it or a streamof water that he could run under it, or what else do you think?" Hehollered wildly. 

"Wall, " sez I, "you hadn't ort to got it fixed in that shape. I toldyou what end to move first, " sez I. "You have moved it in side-ways. Itwould go in all right if you had started it the other way. "

"Oh, yes! It would have been all right. You love to see me, Samantha, with a stove in my arms. You love it dearly. I believe you would beperfectly happy if you could see me a luggin' round stoves every day. But I'll tell you one thing, if this dumb stove is ever moved either wayout of this door--if I ever get it into a room agin, it never shallbe stirred agin so much as a hair's breadth--not while I have got thebreath of life in me. "

Sez I, "Hush! I hear somebody a-knockin' at the door. "

"I won't hush. It is nothin' but dumb foolishness a movin' round stoves, and if anybody don't believe it let 'em look at me--and let 'em look atthat stove set right here in the door as firm as a rock. "

[Illustration: "WON'T YOU BE STILL?"]

Sez I agin in a whisper, "Do be still, and I'll let 'em in, I don't wantthem to ketch you a talkin' so and a-actin'. " "Wall, I want 'em toketch me, that is jest what I want 'em to do. If it is a man he'll sayevery word I say is Gospel truth, and if it is a woman it will make herperfectly happy to see me a-swelterin' in the job--seven times a year doI have to move this stove back and forth--and I say it is high time Isaid a word. So you can let 'em in just as quick as you are a mind to. "

Sez I, a whisperin' and puttin' my finger on my lip:

"Won't you be still?"

"No, I won't be still!" he yelled out louder than ever. "And you may gothrough all the motions you want to and you can't stop me. All you havegot to do is to walk round and let folks in, happy as a king. Nothin'under the heavens ever made a woman so happy as to have some mana-breakin' his back a-luggin' round a stove. "

I see he wouldn't stop, so I had to go and open the door, and therestood Serena Fogg, there stood the author of "Wedlock's PeacefulRepose. " I felt like a fool. For I knew she had heard every word, I seeshe had by her looks. She looked skairt, and as surprised and sort o'awe-stricken as if she had seen a ghost. I took her into the parlor, andtook her things, and I excused myself by tellin' her that I should haveto be out in the kitchen a-tendin' to things for a spell, and went backto Josiah. 

And I whispered to him, sez I: "Miss Fogg has come, and she has heardevery word you have said, Josiah Allen. And what will she think nowabout Wedlock's Peaceful Repose?"

But he had got that wild and reckless in his demeanor and acts, thathe went right on with his hollerin', and, sez he, "She won't find muchrepose here to-day, and I'll tell her that. This house has got to be alltore to pieces to get that stove started. "

Sez I, "There won't be nothin' to do only to take off one side of thedoor casin'. And I believe it can be done without that. "

"Oh, you believe! you believe! You'd better take holt and lug and liftfor two hours as I have, and then see. "

Sez I, "You hain't been here more'n ten minutes, if you have that. Andthere, " sez I, liftin' up one end a little, "see what anybody can do whois calm. There I have stirred it, and now you can move it right along. ""Oh, _you_ did it! I moved it myself. "

I didn't contend, knowin' it wuz men's natural nater to say that. 

[Illustration: "AND HE SAID I HAD RUBBED 'EM OUT. "]

Wall, at last Josiah got the stove in, but then the stove-pipe wouldn'tgo together, it wouldn't seem to fit. He had marked the joints withchalk, and the marks had rubbed off, and he said I had "rubbed 'em out. "I wuz just as innocent as a babe, but I didn't dispute him much, for Isee a little crack open in the parlor door, and I knew the author of"Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" was a-listenin'. 

But when he told me for the third time that I rubbed 'em out on purposeto make him trouble, and that I had made a practice of rubbin' 'em outfor years and years--why, then I _had_ to correct him on the subject, and we had a little dialogue. 

I spoze Serena Fogg heard it. But human nater can't bear only just somuch, especially when it has stoves a dirtien up the floor, and applesass on its mind, and unexpected company, and no cookin' and a threshin'machine a-comin'. 

CHAPTER IV. 

Never knew a word about the threshin' machine a-comin' till about halfan hour before. Josiah Allen wuzn't to blame. It come just as onexpectedonto him as it did onto me. 

Solomon Gowdey wuz a-goin' to have 'em first, which would have left meample time to cook up for 'em. But he wuz took down bed sick, so theyhad to come right onto us with no warnin' previous and beforehand. 

They wuz a drivin' up just as Josiah got the stove-pipe up. They had togo right by the side of the house, right by the parlor winders, to getto the side of the barn where they wanted to thresh; and just as theywuz a-goin' by one of the horses got down, and of all the yellin' I everheard that was the cap sheaf. 

Steve Yerden is rough on his horses, dretful rough. He yells at 'emenough to raise the ruff. His threshin' machine is one of the kind wherethe horses walk up and look over the top. It is kinder skairful any way, and it made it as bad agin when you expected to see the horse fall outevery minute. 

Wall, that very horse fell out of the machine three times that day. Itwuz a sick horse, I believe, and hadn't ort to have been worked. Butthree times it fell, and each time the yellin' wuz such that it skairtthe author of "Peaceful Repose, " and me, almost to death. 

The machine wuz in plain sight of the house, and every time we see thehorse's head come a mountin' up on top of the machine, we expected thatover it would go. But though it didn't fall out only three times, as Isaid, it kep' us all nerved up and uneasy the hull of the time expectin'it. And Steve Yerden kep' a-yellin' at his horses all the time; therewuzn't no comfort to be took within a mile of him. 

I wuz awful sorry it happened so, on her account. 

[Illustration: "IT DIDN'T FALL OUT ONLY THREE TIMES. "]

Wall, I had to get dinner for nine men, and cook if all from the verybeginnin'. If you'll believe it, I had to begin back to bread. I hadn'tany bread in the house, but I had it a-risin', and I got two loaves outby dinner time. But I had to stir round lively, I can tell you, to makepies and cookies and fried cakes, and cook meat, and vegetables of allkinds. 

The author of "Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" came out into the kitchen. Itold her she might, if she wanted to, for I see I wuzn't goin' to have aminute's time to go into the parlor and visit with her. 

She looked pretty sober and thoughtful, and I didn't know as she likedit, to think I couldn't do as I promised to do, accordin' to agreement, to hear her lecture, and lift my hand up when I differed from her. 

But, good land! I couldn't help it. I couldn't get a minute's time tolift my hand up. I could have heard the lecture, but I couldn't spare myhands. 

And then Josiah would come a-rushin' in after one thing and another, actin' as was natural, accordin' to the nater of man, more like a wildman than a Christian Methodist. For he was so wrought up and excited byhavin' so much on his hands to do, and the onexpectedness of it, that hecouldn't help actin' jest as he did act. I don't believe he could. Andthen Steve Yerden is enough to distract a leather-man, any way. 

[Illustration: "TO FIND A PIECE OF OLD ROPE TO TIE UP THE HARNESS. "]

Twice I had to drop everything and find cloths to do up the horse'slegs, where it had grazed 'em a-fallin' out of the machine. And once Itook my hands out of the pie-crust to find a piece of old rope to tie upthe harness. It seemed as if I left off every five minutes to wait onJosiah Allen, to find somethin' that he wanted and couldn't find, orelse to do somethin' for him that he couldn't do. 

Truly, it was a wild and harrowin' time, and tegus. But I kept a firmholt of my principles, and didn't groan--not when anybody could hear me. I won't deny that I did, out in the buttery by myself, give vent to agroan or two, and a few sithes. But immegiately, or a very little after, I was calm again. 

Wall, worse things wuz a-comin' onto me, though I didn't know it. I oweda tin peddler; had been owin' him for four weeks. I owed him twenty-fivepounds of paper rags, for a new strainer. I had been expectin' him forover three weeks every day. But in all the three hundred and sixty-fivedays of the year, there wuzn't another day that would satisfy him; hehad got to come on jest that day, jest as I wuz fryin' my nut cakes fordinner. 

I tried to put him off till another day. But no! He said it wuz his lasttrip, and he must have his rags. And so I had to put by my work, and lugdown my rag-bag. His steel-yards wuz broke, so he had to weigh 'em inthe house. It wuz a tegus job, for he wuz one of the perticuler kind, and had to look 'em all over before he weighed 'em, and pick out everylittle piece of brown paper, or full cloth--everything, he said, thatwouldn't make up into the nicest kind of writin' paper. 

And my steel-yards wuz out of gear any way, so they wouldn't weigh butfive pounds at a time, and he wuz dretful perticuler to have 'em justright by the notch. 

And he would call on me to come and see just how the steel-yards stoodevery time. (He wuz as honest as the day; I hain't a doubt of it. )

But it wuz tegus, fearful tegus, and excitin'. Excitin', but notexhileratin', to have the floor all covered with rags of differentshapes and sizes, no two of a kind. It wuz a curius time before he come, and a wild time, but what must have been the wildness, and the curositywhen there wuz, to put a small estimate on it, nearly a billion of crazylookin' rags scattered round on the floor. 

[Illustration: "SHE LOOKED CURIUS, CURIUSER THAN THE FLOOR LOOKED. "]

But I kep' calm; I have got giant self-control, and I used every mite ofit, every atom of control I had by me, and kep' calm. I see I must--forI see that Miss Fogg looked bad; yes, I see that the author of"Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" wuz pretty much used up. She looked curius, curiuser than the floor looked, and that is goin' to the complete end ofcurosity, and metafor. 

Wall, I tussled along and got dinner ready. The tin peddler had to stayto dinner, of course. I couldn't turn him out jest at dinner time. Andsometimes I almost think that he delayed matters and touzled 'roundamongst them rags jest a purpose to belate himself, so he would have tostay to dinner. 

I am called a good cook. It is known 'way out beyend Loontown andZoar--it is talked about, I spoze. Wall, he stayed to dinner. But heonly made fourteen; there wuz only thirteen besides him, so I got along. And I had a good dinner and enough of it. 

I had to wait on the table, of course--that is, the tea and coffee. AndI felt that a cup of good, strong tea would be a paneky. I wuz that woreout and flustrated that I felt that I needed a paneky to soothe. 

And I got the rest all waited on and wuz jest a liftin' my cup to mylips, the cup that cheers everybody but don't inebriate 'em--good, strong Japan tea with cream in it. Oh, how good it smelt. But I hadn'tfairly got it to my mouth when I wuz called off sudden, before I haddrinked a drop, for the case demanded help at once. 

Miss Peedick had unexpected company come in, jest as they wuz a-settin'down to the dinner-table, and she hadn't hardly anything for dinner, andthe company wuz very genteel--a minister and a Justice of the Peace--soshe wanted to borrow a loaf of bread and a pie. 

She is a good neighbor and is one that will put herself out for aneighborin' female, and I went into the buttery, almost on the run, toget 'em for her, for her girl said she wanted to get 'em into the houseand onto the table before Mr. Peedick come in with 'em from the horsebarn, for they knew that Mr. Peedick would lead 'em out to dinner thevery second they got into the house, and Miss Peedick didn't want herhusband to know that she had borrowed vittles, for he would be sure tolet the cat out of the bag, right at the table, by speakin' about 'emand comparin' 'em with hern. 

I see the necessity for urgent haste, and the trouble wuz that I hurriedtoo much. In takin' down a pie in my awful hurry, I tipped over a pan ofmilk right onto my dress. It wuz up high and I wuz right under theshelf, so that about three tea-cupsful went down into my neck. But themost went onto my dress, about five quarts, I should judge besides thatthat wuz tricklin' down my backbone. 

[Illustration: "I SEE THE NECESSITY FOR URGENT HASTE. "]

Wall, I started Serintha Ann Peedick off with her ma's pie and bread, and then wiped up the floor as well as I could, and then I had to go andchange my clothes. I had to change 'em clear through to my wrapper, forI wuz wet as sop--as wet as if I had been takin' a milk swim. 

CHAPTER V. 

Wall, the author of "Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" wuz a-waitin' for me tothe table; the men had all got through and gone out. She sot right byme, and she had missed me, I could see. Her eyes looked bigger thanever, and more sad like. 

She said, "she was dretful sorry for me, " and I believed her. 

She asked me in a awe-stricken tone, "if I had such trials every day?"

And I told her "No, I didn't. " I told her that things would run alongsmooth and agreeable for days and days, but that when things got tohappenin', they would happen right along for weeks at a time, sometimes, dretful curius. A hull batch of difficulties would rain down on anybodyto once. Sez I, "You know Mr. Shakespeare says that' Sorrows never comea-spyin' along as single fighters, but they come in hull battles of'em, ' or words to that effect. "

Sez I, in reasonable axents, "Mebby I shall have a hull lot of goodthings happen to me right along, one after another, some dretfulagreeable days, and easy. "

Sez she in the same sad axents, and wonderin', "Did you ever haveanother day in your hull life as hard as this you are a-passin'through?"

"Oh, yes, " sez I, "lots of'em--some worse ones, and, " sez I, "the dayhas only jest begun yet, I presume I shall have lots and lots of newthings happen to me before night. Because it is jest as I tell you, whenthings get to happenin' there hain't no tellin' when they will everstop. "

Miss Fogg groaned, a low, deep groan, and that is every word she said, only after a little while she spoke up, and sez:

"You hain't eaten a bit of dinner; it all got cold while you wuz achangin' your dress. "

"Oh, wall, " sez I, "I can get along some way. And I must hurry up andget the table cleared off any way, and get to my work agin', for I havegot to do a lot of cookin' this afternoon. It takes a sight of pies andcakes and such to satisfy twelve or a dozen men. "

So I went to work vigorously agin. But well might I tell Miss Fogg "thatthe day had only jest begun, and there wuz time for lots of thingsto happen before night, " for I had only jest got well to work on theingregiences of my pies when Submit Tewksbury sent over "to see if Icould let her have them sturchien seeds I had promised her--she wanted'em to run up the inside of her bedroom winder, and shade her throughthe winter. She wuz jest a-settin' out her winter stock of flower rootsand seeds, and wanted 'em immegiatly, and to once, that is, if it wasperfectly convenient, " so the boy said. 

Submit is a good creeter, and she wouldn't have put that burden on me onsuch a time for nothin', not if she had known my tribulations; but shedidn't, and I felt that one trial more wouldn't, as the poet hath wellsaid, "either make or break me. "

So I went to huntin' for the seeds. Wall, it wuz a good half-hour beforeI could find 'em, for of course it wuz natural nater, accordin' to thetotal deprivity of things, that I should find 'em in the bottom of thelast bag of seeds that I overhauled. 

But Submit had been disappointed, and I didn't want to make her burdensany heavier, so I sent her the sturchien seeds. 

But it wuz a trial I do admit to look over more than forty bags ofgarden and flower seeds in such a time as that. But I sent 'em. I sentSubmit the sturchien seeds, and then I laid to work again fast as Ipossibly could. 

But I sez to the author of "Peaceful Repose, " I sez to her, sez I:

"I feel bad to think I hain't gettin' no time to hear you rehearse yourlecture, but you can see jest how it is; you see I hain't had a minute'stime today. Mebby I will get a few minutes' time before night; I willtry to, " sez I. 

"Oh, " sez she, "it hain't no matter about that; I--I--I somehow--I don'tfeel like rehearsin' it as it was. " Sez she, "I guess I shall make somechanges in it before I rehearse it agin. "

Sez I, "You lay out to make a more mean thing of it, more megum. "

"Yes, " sez she, in faint axents, "I am a-thinkin' of it. "

[Illustration: "AS I STARTED FOR THE BUTTERY. "]

"Wall, " sez I cheerfully, as I started for the buttery with a pile ofcups in one hand, the castor and pickle dish in the other, and a pile ofnapkins under my arm, "I believe I shall like it as well again if youdo, any way, " sez I, as I kicked away the cat that wuz a-clawin' mydress, and opened the door with my foot, both hands bein' full. 

"Any way, there will be as much agin truth in it. "

Wall, I went to work voyalently, and in two hours' time I had got mywork quelled down some. But I had to strain nearly every nerve in theeffort. 

And I am afraid I didn't use the colporter just exactly right, who comewhen I wuz right in the midst of puttin' the ingregiences into my teacakes. I didn't enter so deep into the argument about the RevisedNew Testament as I should in easier and calmer times. I conversedconsiderable, I argued some with him, but I didn't get so engaged asmebby I had ort to. He acted disappointed, and he didn't stay and talkmore'n an hour and three quarters. 

He generally spends half a day with us. He is a master hand to talk;he'll make your brain fairly spin round he talks so fast and handlessuch large, curius words. He talked every minute, only when I wuza-answerin' his questions. 

[Illustration: "THERE WUZ SOMETHIN' WRONG ABOUT 'EM. "]

Wall, he had jest gone, the front gate had just clicked onto him, whenMiss Philander Dagget came in at the back door. She had her press-boardin her hand, and a coat over her arm, and I see in a minute that I hadgot another trial onto me. I see I had got to set her right. 

I set her a chair, and she took off her sun-bonnet and hung it over theback of her chair, and set down, and then she asked me if I could spendtime to put in the sleeves of her husband's coat. She said "there wuzsomethin' wrong about em', but she didn't know what. "

She said "she wouldn't have bothered me that day when I had so muchround, but Philander had got to go to a funeral the next day, as one ofthe barriers, and he must have his coat. "

Wall, I wrung my hands out of the dish-water they was in at the time, and took the coat and looked at it, and the minute I set my eyes on itI see what ailed it I see she had got the sleeves sot in so the elbowscome right in front of his arms, and if he had wore it in that conditionto the funeral or anywhere else he would have had to fold up his armsright acrost his back; there wuzn't no other possible way. 

And then I turned tailoress and helped her out of her trouble. I sotthe sleeves in proper, and fixed the collar. She had got it sot on as aruffle. I drawed it down smooth where it ort to be and pinned it--andshe went home feelin' first rate. 

I am very neighborly, and helpful, and am called so. Jonesville wouldmiss me if any thing should happen. 

[Illustration: "SHE IS APT TO GET THINGS WRONG. "]

I have often helped that woman a sight. She is a good, willin' creeter, but she is apt to get things wrong, dretful apt. She made her littleboy's pantaloons once wrong side before, so it would seem that he wouldhave to set down from the front side, or else stand up. 

And twice she got her husband's pantaloons sewed up so there wuz no wayto get into em' only to crawl up into 'em through the bottom of thelegs. But I have always made a practice of rippin' and tearin' andbastin', and settin' her right, and I did now. 

Wall, she hadn't hardly got out of the back door, when Josiah Allen camein in awful distress, he had got a thorn in his foot, he had put on anold pair of boots, and there wuz a hole in the side of one of 'em, andthe thorn had got in through the hole. It pained him dretfully, and hewuz jest as crazy as a loon for the time bein'. And he hollered thefirst thing that "he wanted some of Hall's salve. " And I told him "therewuzn't a mite in the house. "

And he hollered up and says, "There would be some if there wuz any sensein the head of the house. "

[Illustration: "HE WANTED SOME OF HALL'S SALVE. "]

I glanced up mechanically at his bald head, but didn't say nothin', forI see it wouldn't do. And he hollered out agin, "Why hain't there anyHall's salve?" Sez I, "Because old Hall has been dead for years andyears, and hain't made any salve. "

"Wall, he wouldn't have been dead if he had had any care took of him, "he yelled out. 

"Why, " sez I, "he wuz killed by lightnin'; struck down entirelyonexpected five years ago last summer. "

"Oh, argue and dispute with a dying man. Gracious Peter! what willbecome of me!" he groaned out, a-holdin' his foot in his hand. 

Sez I, "Let me put some Pond's Extract on it, Josiah. "

"Pond's Extract!" he yelled, and then he called that good remedy words Iwuz ashamed to hear him utter. 

And he jumped round and pranced and kicked just as it is the nater ofman to act under bodily injury of that sort. And then he ordered me totake a pin and get the thorn out, and then acted mad as a hen at meall the time I wuz a-doin' it; acted jest as if I wuz a-prickin' hima-purpose. 

He talked voyalent and mad. I tried to hush him down; I told him theauthor of "Wedlock's Peaceful Repose" would hear him, and he holleredback "he didn't care a cent who heard him. He wuz killed, and heshouldn't live to trouble anybody long if that pain kept up. "

His acts and words wuz exceedingly skairful to anybody who didn'tunderstand the nater of a man. But I wuzn't moved by 'em so much as thewidth of a horse hair. Good land! I knew that jest as soon as the painsubsided he would be good as gold, so I kep' on, cool and collected, andgot the thorn out, and did up the suffering toe in Pond's Extract, and Ihadn't only jest got it done, when, for all the world! if I didn't see adouble team stop in front of the house, and I peeked through the winderand see as it wuz the livery stable man from Jonesville, and he hadbrung down the last straws to be lifted onto the camel's back--a hulllot of onexpected company. A hull load of 'em. 

There wuz the Baptist minister and his wife and their three children, and the minister's wife's sister-in-law from the West, who wuz therea-visitin', and the editor of the _Augur'ses_ wife (she wuz related tothe visitor from the West by marriage) and three of the twins. And oldMiss Minkley, she wuz acquainted with the visitor's mother, used to goto school with her. And Drusilly Sypher, she wuz the visitor from theWest's bosom friend, or used to be. 

Wall, they had all come down to spend the afternoon and visit with eachother, and with me and Josiah, and stay to supper. 

CHAPTER VI. 

The author of "Peaceful Repose" sez to me, and she looked pale andskairt; she had heard every word Josiah had said, and she wuz dretfulskairt and shocked (not knowin' the ways of men, and not understandin', as I said prior and before, that in two hours' time he would be jest asgood as the very best kind of pie, affectionate, and even spoony, if Iwould allow spoons, which I will not the most of the time). Wall, sheproposed, Miss Fogg did, that she should ride back with the livery man. And though I urged her to stay till night, I couldn't urge her as hardas I would otherwise, for by that time the head of the procession ofvisitors had reached the door-step, and I had to meet 'em with smiles. 

[Illustration: "SHE PROPOSED THAT SHE SHOULD RIDE BACK WITH THE LIVERYMAN. "]

I smiled some, I thought I must. But they wuz curius smiles, very, strange-lookin' smiles, sort o' gloomy ones, and mournful lookin'. Ihave got lots of different smiles that I keep by me for differentoccasions, every woman has, and this wuz one of my most mournfulest andcuriusest ones. 

Wall, the author of "Wedlock's Peaceful and Perfect Repose" insisted ongoin', and she went. And I sez to her as she went down the steps, "Thatif she would come up some other day when I didn't have quite so muchwork round, I would be as good as my word to her about hearin' herrehearse the lecture. "

But she said, as she hurried out to the gate, lookin' pale an' wan (aswan agin as she did when she came, if not wanner): "That she should make_changes_ in it before she ever rehearsed it agin--_deep changes_!"

And I should dare to persume to say that she did. Though, as I say, shewent off most awful sudden, and I hadn't seen nor heard from her sencetill I got this letter. 

Wall, jest as I got through with the authoresses letter, and LodemaTrumble's, Josiah Allen came. And I hurried up the supper. I got it allon the table while I wuz a steepin' my tea (it wuz good tea). And we sotdown to the table happy as a king and his queen. I don't s'pose queensmake a practice of steepin' tea, but mebby they would be better off ifthey did--and have better appetites and better tea. Any way we feltwell, and the supper tasted good. And though Josiah squirmed some when Itold him Lodema wuz approachin' and would be there that very night orthe next day--still the cloud wore away and melted off in the glowin'mellowness of the hot tea and cream, the delicious oysters and othergood things. 

[Illustration: "MY PARDNER ENJOYS GOOD VITTLES. "]

My pardner, though, as he often says, is not a epicack, still he duzenjoy good vittles dretful well and appreciates 'em. And I make a stiddypractice of doin' the best I can by him in this direction. 

And if more females would foller on and cipher out this simple rule, andget the correct answer to it, the cramp in the right hands of divorcelawyers would almost entirely disappear. 

For truly it seems that _no_ human man _could be_ more worrysome, andcurius, and hard to get along with than Josiah Allen is at times; still, by stiddy keepin' of my table set out with good vittles from day to day, and year to year, the golden cord of affection has bound him to me byties that can't never be broken into. 

He worships me! And the better vittles I get, the more he thinks on me. For love, however true and deep it is, is still a tumultous sea; it hasits high tides, and its low ones, its whirlpools, and its calms. 

He loves me a good deal better some days than he does others; I see itin his mean. And mark you! mark it well, female reader, these days arethe ones that I cook up sights and sights of good food, and with acheerful countenance and clean apron, set it before him in a brightroom, on a snowy table-cloth!

Great--great is the mystery of men's love. 

I have often and often repeated this simple fact and truth thatunderlies married life, and believe me, dear married sisters, too muchcannot be said about it, by those whose hearts beat for the good offemale and male humanity--and it _cannot_ be too closely followed up andpractised by female pardners. 

But I am a-eppisodin'; and to resoom. 

Wall, Lodema Trumble arrove the next mornin' bright and early--I meanthe mornin' wuz bright, not Lodema--oh no, fur from it; Lodema is neverbright and cheerful--she is the opposite and reverse always. 

She is a old maiden. I do think it sounds so much more respectful tocall 'em so rather than "old maid" (but I had to tutor Josiah dretfulsharp before I could get him into it). 

I guess Lodema is one of the regular sort. There is different kinds ofold maidens, some that could marry if they would, and some thatwould but couldn't. And I ruther mistrust she is one of the"would-but-couldn't's, " though I wouldn't dast to let her know I saidso, not for the world. 

Josiah never could bear the sight of her, and he sort o' blamed her forbein' a old maiden. But I put a stop to that sudden, for sez I:

"She hain't to blame, Josiah. "

And she wuzn't. I hain't a doubt of it. 

Wall, how long she calculated to stay this time we didn't know. But wehad our fears and forebodin's about it; for she wuz in the habit ofmakin' awful long visits. Why, sometimes she would descend right downonto us sudden and onexpected, and stay fourteen weeks right along--jestlike a famine or a pestilence, or any other simely that you are a mindto bring up that is tuckerin' and stiddy. 

And she wuz disagreeable, I'll confess, and she wuz tuckerin', but Idone well by her, and stood between her and Josiah all I could. He lovedto put on her, and she loved to impose on him. I don't stand up foreither on 'em, but they wuz at regular swords' pints all the timea'most. And it come fearful tuff on me, fearful tuff, for I had to standthe brunt on it. 

But she is a disagreeable creeter, and no mistake. She is one of themthat can't find one solitary thing or one solitary person in this wideworld to suit 'em. If the weather is cold she is pinin' for hot weather, and if the weather is hot she is pantin' for zero. 

[Illustration: "BUT SHE IS A DISAGREEABLE CREETER. "]

If it is a pleasant day the sun hurts her eyes, and if it is cloudy shegroans aloud and says "she can't see. "

And no human bein' wuz ever known to suit her. She gets up early in themornin' and puts on her specs, and goes out (as it were) a-huntin' upfaults in folks. And she finds 'em, finds lots of 'em. And then shespends the rest of the day a-drivin' 'em ahead of her, and groanin' at'em. 

You know this world bein' such a big place and so many different sort o'things in it that you can generally find in it the perticuler sort ofgame you set out to hunt in the mornin'. 

If you set out to hunt beauty and goodness, if you take good aim and areperseverin'--if you jest track 'em and foller 'em stiddy from mornin'till night, and don't get led away a-follerin' up some other game, such as meanness and selfishness and other such worthless head o'cattle--why, at night you will come in with a sight of good game. Youwill be a noble and happy hunter. 

[Illustration: "BUT FIT WITH THEIR TONGUES, FEARFUL. "]

At the same time, if you hunt all day for faults you will come in atnight with sights of pelts. You will find what you hunt for, track 'emright along and chase 'em down. Wall, Lodema never got led away fromher perticuler chase. She just hunted faults from mornin' till night, and done well at it. She brought in sights of skins. 

But oh! wuzn't it disagreeable in the extreme to Samantha, who hadalways tried to bend her bow and bring down Beauty, to have her familiarhuntin' grounds turned into so different a warpath. It wuz disagreeable!It wuz! It wuz!

And then, havin' to stand between her and Josiah too, wuz fearfulwearin' on me. I had always stood there in the past, and now in thisvisit it wuz jest the same; all the hull time, till about the middle ofthe fifth week, I had to stand between their two tongues--they didn'tfight with their hands, but fit with their tongues, fearful. 

CHAPTER VII. 

But along about the middle of the fifth week I see a change. Lodemahad been uncommon exasperatin', and I expected she would set Josiah togoin', and I groaned in spirit, to think what a job wuz ahead of me, topart their two tongues--when all of a sudden I see a curius change comeover my pardner's face. 

I remember jest the date that the change in his mean wuz visible, andmade known to me--for it wuz the very mornin' that we got the invitationto old Mr. And Miss Pressley's silver weddin'. And that wuz thefifteenth day of the month along about the middle of the forenoon. 

And it wuz not half an hour after Elnathen Pressley came to the door andgive us the invitations, that I see the change in his mean. 

And when I asked him about it afterwards, what that strange and curiuslook meant, he never hung back a mite from tellin' me, but sez right outplain:

"Mebby, Samantha, I hain't done exactly as I ort to by cousin Lodema, and I have made up my mind to make her a happy surprise before she goesaway. "

"Wall, " sez I, "so do. "

I thought he wuz goin' to get her a new dress. She had been a-hintin'to him dretful strong to that effect. She wanted a parmetty, or abalzereen, or a circassien, which wuz in voge in her young days. But Iwuz in hopes he would get her a cashmere, and told him so, plain. 

But I couldn't get him to tell what the surprise wuz. He only sez, sezhe:

"I am goin' to make her a happy surprise. "

And the thought that he wuz a-goin' to branch out and make a change, wuzconsiderable of a comfort to me. And I needed comfort--yes, indeed Idid--I needed it bad. For not one single thing did I do for her that Idone right, though I tried my best to do well by her. 

But she found fault with my vittles from mornin' till night, though I amcalled a excellent cook all over Jonesville, and all round the adjoiningcountry, out as far as Loontown, and Zoar. It has come straight back tome by them that wouldn't lie. But it hain't made me vain. 

But I never cooked a thing that suited Lodema, not a single thing. Mostof my vittles wuz too fresh, and then if I braced up and salted 'emextra so as to be sure to please her, why then they wuz briny, and hurther mouth. 

Why, if you'll believe it, I give her a shawl, made her a present of it;it had even checks black and white, jest as many threads in the blackstripes as there wuz in the white, for I counted 'em. 

And she told me, after she had looked it all over and said it wuz kinderthin and slazy, and checkered shawls had gone out of fashion, and theblack looked some as if it would fade with washin', and the white wuzn'tover clear, and the colors wuzn't no ways becomin' to her complexion, and etcetery, etcetery. 

"But, " sez she, after she had got all through with the rest of hercomplaints--"if the white stripes wuz where the black wuz, and the blackwhere the white wuz, she should like it quite well. " And there it wuz, even check, two and two. Wall, that wuz a sample of her doin's. Ifanybody had a Roman nose she wanted a Greecy one. 

[Illustration: "IF THE WHITE STRIPES WUZ WHERE THE BLACK WUZ. "]

And if the nose wuz Greece, why then she wanted Rome. 

Why, Josiah sez to me along about the third week, he said (to ourselves, in private), "that if Lodema went to Heaven she would be dissatisfiedwith it, and think it wuz livelier, and more goin' on down to the otherplace. " And he said she would get the angels all stirred up a findin'fault with their feathers. 

I told him "I would not hear such talk. "

"Wall, " sez he, "don't you believe it?"

And I kinder turned him off, and wouldn't tell, and told him it wuzwicked to talk so. 

"Wall, " sez Josiah, "you dassent say she wouldn't. "

And I dassent, though I wouldn't own it up to him, I dassent. 

And if she kinder got out of other occupations for a minute durin' themfirst weeks she would be a quarrelin' with Josiah Allen about age. 

I s'pose she and Josiah wuzn't far from the same age, for they wuzchildren together. But she wanted to make out she wuz young. 

And she would tell Josiah that "he seemed jest like a father to her, andalways had. " And sometimes when she felt the most curius, she would callhim "Father, " and "Pa, " and "Papa. " And it would mad Josiah Allen sothat I would have all I could do to quell him down. 

Now I didn't feel so, I didn't mind it so much. Why, there would bedays, when she felt the curiusest, that she would call me "Mother, " and"Ma, " and foller me round with foot-stools and things, when I went toset down, and would kinder worry over my fallin' off the back step, andwould offer to help me up the suller stairs, and so forth, and watchin'over what I et, and tellin' me folks of my age ort to be careful, andnot over-eat. 

And Josiah asked me to ask her "How she felt about that time?" For shewuz from three to four years older than I wuz. 

But I wouldn't contend with her, and the footstools come kinder handy, Ihad jest as lieve have 'em under my feet as not, and ruther. And as forrich vittles not agreein' with me, and my not over-eatin', I broke thattip by fallin' right in with her, and not cookin' such good things--thatquelled her down, and gaulded Josiah too. 

But, as I said, it riled Josiah the worst of anything to have Lodemacall him father, for he wants to make out that he is kinder younghimself. 

And sez he to her one day, about the third week, when she was a-goin'on about how good and fatherly he looked, and how much he seemed likea parent to her, and always had, sez he: "I wonder if I seemed like afather to you when we wuz a-kickin' at each other in the same cradle?"Sez he: "We both used to nuss out of the same bottle, any way, forI have heard my mother say so lots of times. There wuzn't ten days'difference in our ages. You wuz ten days the oldest as I have alwaysmade out. "

She screamed right out, "Why, Josiah Allen, where is your conscience totalk in that way--and your heart?"

"In here, where everybody's is, " sez Josiah, strikin' himself with hisright hand--he meant to strike against his left breast, but struck toolow, kinder on his stomach. 

And sez I, "That is what I have always thought, Josiah Allen. I havealways had better luck reachin' your conscience through your stomachthan in any other way. And now, " sez I coldly, "do you go out and bringin a pail of water. "

I used to get beat out and sick of their scufflin's and disagreein's, and broke 'em up whenever I could. 

But oh! oh! how she did quarrel with Josiah Allen and that buzz sawscheme of his'n. How light she made of that enterprise, how she demeanedthe buzz, and run the saws--till I felt that bad as I hated theenterprise myself, I felt that a variety of loud buzz saws would be awelcome relief from her tongue--from their two tongues; for as fur downas she would run them buzz saws, jest so fur would Josiah Allen praise'em up. 

[Illustration: LODEMA AND JOSIAH IN YOUTH. ]

She never agreed with Josiah Allen but in jest one thing while she wasunder his ruff. I happened to mention one day how extremely anxious Iwuz to have females set on the Conference; and then, wantin' to disputeme, and also bein' set on that side, she run down the project, andcalled it all to nort--and when too late she see that she had got overon Josiah Allen's side of the fence. 

But it had one good effect. When that man see she wuz there, he wadedoff, way out of sight of the project, and wouldn't mention it--it maddedhim so to be on the same side of the fence she wuz--so that it seemedto happen all for the best. 

Why, I took her as a dispensation from the first, and drawed all sortsof morels from her, and sights of 'em--sights. 

But oh, it wuz tuff on me, fearful tuff. 

And when she calculated and laid out to make out her visit and go, wuzmore than we could tell. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

For two weeks had passed away like a nite mair of the nite--and threeweeks, and four weeks--and she didn't seem to be no nigher goin' thanshe did when she came. 

And I would not make a move towards gettin' rid of her, not if I haddropped down in my tracts, because she wuz one of the relatives on hisside. 

But I wuz completely fagged out; it did seem, as I told Tirzah Ann oneday in confidence, "that I never knew the meanin' of the word 'fag'before. "

And Tirzah Ann told me (she couldn't bear her) that if she wuz in myplace, she would start her off. Sez she:

"She has plenty of brothers and sisters, and a home of her own, and whyshould she come here to torment you and father;" and sez she, "I'll talkto her, mother, I'd jest as leve as not. " Sez I, "Tirzah Ann, if yousay a word to her, I'll--I'll never put confidence in you agin;" sez I, "Life is full of tribulations, and we must expect to bear our crosses;"sez I, "The old martyrs went through more than Lodema. "

Sez Tirzah Ann, "I believe Lodema would have wore out John Rogers. "

And I don't know but she would, but I didn't encourage her by ownin' itup that she would; but I declare for't, I believe she would have beenmore tegus than the nine children, and the one at the breast, any way. 

Wall, as I said, it wuz durin' the fifth week that Josiah Allen turnedright round, and used her first rate. 

And when she would talk before folks about how much filial affection shehad for him, and about his always havin' been jest like a parent to her, and everything of the kind--he never talked back a mite, but lookedclever, and told me in confidence, "That he had turned over a new leaf, and he wuz goin' to surprise her--give her a happy surprise. "

And he seemed, instead of lovin' to rile her up, as he had, to jest puthis hull mind on the idee of the joyful surprise. 

Wall, I am always afraid (with reason) of Josiah Allen's enterprizes. But do all I could, he wouldn't tell me one word about what he wuz goin'to do, only he kep it up, kep a-sayin' that, "It wuz somethin' I couldn't help approvin' of, and it wuz somethin'that would happify me, and be a solid comfort to her, and a great gainand honor. "

So (though I trembled some for the result) I had to let it go on, forshe wuz one of the relations on his own side, and I knew it wouldn't dofor me to interfere too much, and meddle. 

Why, he did come right out one day and give hints to me to that effect. 

Sez I, "Why do you go on and be so secret about it? Why don't you tellyour companion all about it, what you are a-goin' to do, and advise withher?"

And he sez, "I guess I know what I am about. She is one of the relationson my side, and I guess I have got a few rights left, and a littlespunk. "

"Yes, " sez I, sadly, "you have got the spunk. "

"Wall, " sez he, "I guess I can spunk up, and do somethin' for one of myown relations, without any interference or any advice from any of theSmith family, or anybody else. "

Sez I, "I don't want to stop your doin' all you can for Lodema, but whynot tell what you are a-goin' to do?"

"It will be time enough when the time comes, " sez he. "You will find itout in the course of next week. "

Wall, it run along to the middle of the next week. And one day I hadjest sot down to tie off a comforter. 

It wuz unbleached cheese cloth that I had bought and colored with tealeaves. It wuz a sort of a light mice color, a pretty soft gray, and Iwuz goin' to tie it in with little balls of red zephyr woosted, and workit in buttonhole stitch round the edge with the same. 

It wuz fur our bed, Josiah's and mine, and it wuz goin' to be soft andwarm and very pretty, though I say it, that shouldn't. 

[Illustration: "I HAD JEST SOT DOWN TO TIE OFF A COMFORTER. "]

It wuzn't quite so pretty as them that hain't colored. I had 'em for myspare beds, cream color tied with pale blue and pink, that wuz perfectlybeautiful and very dressy; but I thought for everyday use a colored onewould be better. 

Wall, I had brought it out and wuz jest a-goin' to put it onto theframes (some new-fashioned ones I had borrowed from Tirzah Ann for theoccasion). 

And Cousin Lodema had jest observed, "that the new-fashioned frames withlegs wuzn't good for nothin', and she didn't like the color of gray, it looked too melancholy, and would be apt to depress our feelin's toomuch, and would be tryin' to our complexions. "

And I told her "that I didn't spoze there would be a very greatcongregation in our bedroom, as a general thing in the dead of night, tosee whether it wuz becomin' to Josiah and me or not. And, it bein' asdark as Egypt, our complexions wouldn't make a very bad show any way. "

"Wall, " she said, "to tie it with red wuzn't at all appropriate, it wuztoo dressy a color for folks of our age, Josiah's and mine. " "Why, " sezshe, "even _I_, at _my_ age, would skurcely care to sleep under one sogay. And she wouldn't have a cheese cloth comforter any way. " She sorto' stopped to ketch breath, and Josiah sez:

"Oh, wall, Lodema, a cheese cloth comforter is better than none, and Ishould think you would be jest the one to like any sort of a frame onlegs. "

But I wunk at him, a real severe and warnin' wink, and he stopped shortoff, for all the world as if he had forgot bein' on his good behavior;he stopped short off, and went right to behavin', and sez he to me:

"Don't put on your comforter to-day, Samantha, for Tirzah Ann andWhitfield and the babe are a-comin' over here bimeby, and Maggie isa-comin', and Thomas Jefferson. "

"Wall, " sez I, "that is a good reason why I should keep on with it; thegirls can help me if I don't get it off before they get here. "

And then he sez, "Miss Minkley is a-comin', too, and the Elder. "

"Why'ee, " sez I, "Josiah Allen, why didn't you tell me before, so Icould have baked up somethin' nice? What a man you are to keep things;how long have you known it?"

"Oh, a week or so!"

"A week!" sez I; "Josiah Allen, where is your conscience? if you havegot a conscience. "

"In the same old place, " sez he, kinder hittin' himself in the pit ofhis stomach. 

"Wall, I should think as much, " sez I. 

And Lodema sez, sez she: "A man that won't tell things is of allcreeters that walks the earth the most disagreeable. And I should thinkthe girls, Maggie and Tirzah Ann, would want to stay to home and cleanhouse such a day as this is. And I should think a Elder would want tostay to home so's to be on hand in case of anybody happenin' to beexercised in their minds, and wantin to talk to him on religioussubjects. And if I wuz a Elder's wife, I should stay to home with him;I should think it wuz my duty and my privilege. And if I wuz a marriedwoman, I would have enough baked up in the house all the time, so's notto be afraid of company. "

But I didn't answer back. I jest sot away my frames, and went out andstirred up a cake; I had one kind by me, besides cookies and jell tarts. 

But I felt real worked up to think I hadn't heard. Wall, I hadn't more'ngot that cake fairly into the oven when the children come, and ElderMinkley and his wife. And I thought they looked queer, and I thought theElder begun to tell me somethin', and I thought I see Josiah wink athim. But I wouldn't want to take my oath whether he wunk or not, but I_thought_ he wunk. 

I wuz jest a turnin' this over in my mind, and a carryin' away theirthings, when I glanced out of the settin' room winder, and lo, andbehold! there wuz Abi Adsit a comin' up to the front door, and rightbehind her wuz her Pa and Ma Adsit, and Deacon Henzy and his wife, and Miss Henn and Metilda, and Lute Pitkins and his wife, and MissPetengill, and Deacon Sypher and Drusilly, and Submit Tewksbury--a hullstring of 'em as long as a procession. 

Sez I, and I spoke it right out before I thought--sez I--

"Why'ee!" sez I. "For the land's sake!" sez I, "has there been afuneral, or anything? And are these the mourners?" sez I. "Are theystoppin' here to warm?"

For it wuz a cold day--and I repeated the words to myself mechanicallyas it wuz, as I see 'em file up the path. 

"They be mourners, hain't they?"

"No, " sez Josiah, who had come in and wuz a standin' by the side of me, as I spoke out to myself unbeknown to me--sez he in a proud axent--

"No, they hain't mourners, they are Happyfiers; they are Highlariers;they have come to our party. We are givin' a party, Samantha. We arehavin' a diamond weddin' here for Lodema. "

"A diamond weddin'!" I repeated mechanically. 

"Yes, this is my happy surprise for Lodema. "

I looked at Lodema Trumble. She looked strange. She had sunk back in herchair. I thought she wuz a-goin' to faint, and she told somebody thenext day, "that she did almost lose her conscientiousness. "

"Why, " sez I, "she hain't married. "

[Illustration: "WE ARE GIVIN' A PARTY, SAMANTHA. "]

"Wall, she ort to be, if she hain't, " sez he. "I say it is high time forher to have some sort of a weddin'. Everybody is a havin' 'em--tin, andsilver and wooden, and basswood, and glass, and etc. --and I thought itwuz a perfect shame that Lodema shouldn't have none of no kind--and Ithought I'd lay to, and surprise her with one. Every other man seemedto be a-holdin' off, not willin' seemin'ly that she should have one, andI jest thought I would happify her with one. "

"Wall, why didn't you make her a silver one, or a tin?" sez I. 

"Or a paper one!" screamed Lodema, who had riz up out of her almostfaintin' condition. "That would have been much more appropriate, " sezshe. 

"Wall, I thought a diamond one would be more profitable to her. For Iasked 'em all to bring diamonds, if they brought anything. And then Ithought it would be more suitable to her age. "

"Why!" she screamed out. "They have to be married seventy-five yearsbefore they can have one. "

"Yes, " sez he dreemily, "I thought that would be about the rightfigure. "

Lodema wuz too mad to find fault or complain or anything. She jestmarched up-stairs and didn't come down agin that night. And the youngfolks had a splendid good time, and the old ones, too. 

Tirzah Ann and Maggie had brought some refreshments with 'em, and so hadsome of the other wimmen, and, with what I had, there wuz enough, andmore than enough, to refresh ourselves with. 

Wall, the very next mornin' Lodema marched down like a grenideer, andordered Josiah to take her to the train. And she eat breakfast with herthings on, and went away immegiately after, and hain't been back heresense. 

And I wuz truly glad to see her go, but wuz sorry she went in such away, and I tell Josiah he wuz to blame, But he acts as innocent as you pleese. And he goes all over thearguments agin every time I take him to do about it. He sez "she wuz oldenough to have a weddin' of some kind. "

And of course I can't dispute that, when he faces me right down, andsez:

"Hain't she old enough?"

And I'll say, kinder short--

"Why, I spoze so!"

"Wall, " sez he, "wouldn't it have been profitable to her if they hadbrought diamonds? Wouldn't it have been both surprisin' and profitable?"And sez he, "I told 'em expressly to bring diamonds if they had morethan they wanted. I charged old Bobbet and Lute Pitkins specially on thesubject. I didn't want 'em to scrimp themselves; but, " sez I, "if youhave got more diamonds than you want, Lute, bring over a few to Lodema. "

[Illustration: "IF YOU HAVE GOT MORE DIAMONDS THAN YOU WANT. "]

"Yes, " sez I, coldly, "he wuz dretful likely to have diamonds more thenhe wanted, workin' out by day's work to support his family. You knowthere wuzn't a soul you invited that owned a diamond. "

"How did I know what they owned? I never have prowled round into theirbureau draws and things, tryin' to find out what they had; they mighthave had quarts of 'em, and I not know it. "

Sez I, "You did it to make fun of Lodema and get rid of her. And it onlymakes it worse to try to smooth it over. " Sez I, "I'd be honorable aboutit if I wuz in your place, and own up. "

"Own up? What have I got to own up? I shall always say if my orders wuzcarried out, it would have been a profitable affair for Lodema, and itwould--profitable and surprisin'. "

And that is all I can get him to say about it, from that day to this. 

CHAPTER IX. 

But truly the labors that descended onto my shoulders immegiately afterLodema's departure wuz hard enough to fill up my hull mind, and taxevery one of my energies. 

Yes, my labors and the labors of the other female Jonesvillians wuz deepand arjuous in the extreme (of which more and anon bimeby). 

I had been the female appinted in a private and becomin' female way, togo to Loontown to see the meetin' house there that we heard they hadfixed over in a cheap but commojous way. And for reasons (of which moreand anon) we wanted to inquire into the expense, the looks on't, etc. , etc. 

So I persuaded Josiah Allen to take me over to Loontown on this pressin'business, and he gin his consent to go on the condition that we shouldstop for a visit to Cephas Bodley'ses. Josiah sets store by 'em. Yousee they are relations of ourn and have been for some time, entirelyunbeknown to us, and they'd come more'n a year ago a huntin' of us up. They said they "thought relations ought to be hunted up and hangedtogether. " They said "the idea of huntin' us up had come to 'em afterreadin' my books. " They told me so, and I said, "Wall!" I didn't add nordiminish to that one "wall, " for I didn't want to act too backward, nortoo forward. I jest kep' kinder neutral, and said, "Wall!"

You see Cephas'ses father's sister-in-law wuz stepmother to my aunt'ssecond cousin on my father's side. And Cephas said that "he had feltmore and more, as years went by, that it wuz a burnin' shame forrelations to not know and love each other. " He said "he felt that heloved Josiah and me dearly. "

I didn't say right out whether it wuz reciprokated or not I kinder said, "Wall!" agin. 

And I told Josiah, in perfect confidence and the wood-house chamber, "that I had seen nearer relations than Mr. Bodley'ses folks wuz to us, "

[Illustration: "CEPHAS SAID IT WUZ A BURNIN' SHAME FOR RELATIONS TONOT KNOW AND LOVE EACH OTHER. "]

Howsumever, I done well by 'em. Josiah killed a fat turkey, and I bakedit, and done other things for their comfort, and we had quite a goodtime. Cephas wuz ruther flowery and enthusiastick, and his mouth andvoice wuz ruther large, but he meant well, I should judge, and we hadquite a good time. 

She wuz very freckled, and a second-day Baptist by perswasion, and wuzpiecin' up a crazy bedquilt. She went a-visitin' a good deal, and gotpieces of the women's dresses where she visited for blocks. So it wuzquite a savin' bedquilt, and very good-lookin', considerin'. 

But to resoom and continue on. Cephas'ses folks made us promise on ourtwo sacred honors, Josiah's honor and mine, that we would pay back thevisit, for, as Cephas said, "for relatives to live so clost to eachother, and not to visit back and forth, wuz a burnin' shame and adisgrace. " And Josiah promised that we would go right away aftersugerin'. 

We wouldn't promise on the New Testament, as Cephas wanted us to (he isdretful enthusiastick); but we gin good plain promises that we would go, and laid out to keep our two words. 

Wall, we got there onexpected, as they had come onto us. And we found'em plunged into trouble. Their only child, a girl, who had married ayoung lawyer of Loontown, had jest lost her husband with the typus, andthey wuz a-makin' preparations for the funeral when we got there. Sheand her husband had come on a visit, and he wuz took down bed-sick thereand died. 

I told 'em I felt like death to think I had descended down onto 'em atsuch a time. 

But Cephas said he wuz jest dispatchin' a messenger for us when wearrove, for, he said, "in a time of trouble, then wuz the time, if ever, that a man wanted his near relations clost to him. "

And he said "we had took a load offen him by appearin' jest as wedid, for there would have been some delay in gettin' us there, if themessenger had been dispatched. "

He said "that mornin' he had felt so bad that he wanted to die--itseemed as if there wuzn't nothin' left for him to live for; but now hefelt that he had sunthin' to live for, now his relatives wuz gatheredround him. "

Josiah shed tears to hear Cephas go on. I myself didn't weep none, but Iwuz glad if we could be any comfort to 'em, and told 'em so. 

And I told Sally Ann, that wuz Cephas'ses wife, that I would do anythingI could to help 'em. And she said everything wuz a-bein' done thatwuz necessary. She didn't know of but one thing that wuz likely to beoverlooked and neglected, and that wuz the crazy bedquilt. She said"she would love to have that finished to throw over a lounge in thesettin'-room, that wuz frayed out on the edges, and if I felt like it, it _would_ be a great relief to her to have me take it right offen herhands and finish it. "

So I took out my thimble and needle (I always carry such necessarieswith me, in a huzzy made expressly for that purpose), and I sot down andwent to piecin' up. There wuz seventeen blocks to piece up, each onecrazy as a loon to look at, and it wuz all to set together. 

She had the pieces, for she had been off on a visitin' tower the weekbefore, and collected of 'em. 

So I sot in quiet and the big chair in the settin'-room, and pieced up, and see the preparations goin' on round us. 

I found that Cephas'ses folks lived in a house big and showy-lookin', but not so solid and firm as I had seen. 

It wuz one of the houses, outside and inside, where more pains had beentook with the porticos and ornaments than with the underpinnin'. 

It had a showy and kind of a shaky look. And I found that that extendedto Cephas'ses business arrangements. Amongst the other ornaments of hisbuildin's wuz mortgages, quite a lot of'em, and of almost every variety. He had gin his only child, S. Annie (she wuz named after her mother, Sally Ann, but spelt it this way), he had gin S. Annie a showyeducation, a showy weddin', and a showy settin'-out. But she hadhad the good luck to marry a sensible man, though poor. 

[Illustration: "So I SOT IN QUIET AND THE BIG CHAIR. "]

He took S. Annie and the brackets, the piano and hangin' lamps andbaskets and crystal bead lambrequins, her father had gin her, moved'em all into a good, sensible, small house, and went to work to get apractice and a livin'. He was a lawyer by perswasion. 

Wall, he worked hard, day and night, for three little children come to'em pretty fast, and S. Annie consumed a good deal in trimmin's andcheap lace to ornament 'em; she wuz her father's own girl for ornament. But he worked so hard, and had so many irons in the fire, and kep' 'emall so hot, that he got a good livin' for 'em, and begun to lay up moneytowards buyin' 'em a house--a home. 

He talked a sight, so folks said that knew him well, about his consumin'desire and aim to get his wife and children into a little home of theirown, into a safe little haven, where they could live if he wuz calledaway. They say that that wuz on his mind day and night, and wuz whatnerved his hand so in the fray, and made him so successful. Wall, he hadlaid up about nine hundred dollars towards a home, every dollar onit earned by hard work and consecrated by this deathless hope andaffection. The house he had got his mind on only cost about a thousanddollars. Loontown property is cheap. 

Wall, he had laid up nine hundred, and wuz a-beginnin' to save on thelast hundred, for he wouldn't run in debt a cent any way, when he wuztook voyalent sick there to Cephas'ses; he and S. Annie had come homefor a visit of a day or two, and he bein' so run down, and weak with hishard day work and his night work, that he suckumbed to his sickness, andpassed away the day before I got there. 

Wall, S. Annie wuz jest overcome with grief the day I got there, but theday follerin' she begun to take some interest and help her father inmakin' preparations for the funeral. 

The body wuz embalmed, accordin' to Cephas'ses and S. Annie's wish, andthe funeral wuz to be on the Sunday follerin', and on that Cephas and S. Annie now bent their energies. 

To begin with, S. Annie had a hull suit of clear crape made for herself, with a veil that touched the ground; she also had three other suitscommenced, for more common wear, trimmed heavy with crape, one of whichshe ordered for sure the next week, for she said, "she couldn't stir outof the house in any other color but black. "

I knew jest how dear crape wuz, and I tackled her on the subject, andsez I--

"Do you know, S. Annie, these dresses of your'n will cost a sight?"

"Cost?" sez she, a-bustin' out a-cryin'. "What do I care about cost? Iwill do everything I can to respect his memory. I do it in remembranceof him. "

Sez I, gently, "S. Annie, you wouldn't forget him if you wuz dressed inwhite. And as for respect, such a life as his, from all I hear of it, don't need crape to throw respect on it; it commands respect, and getsit from everybody. "

"But, " sez Cephas, "it would look dretful odd to the neighbors if shedidn't dress in black. " Sez he in a skairful tone, and in his intenseway--

[Illustration: "WHAT IS LIFE WORTH WHEN FOLKS TALK?"]

"I would ruther resk my life than to have her fail in duty in this way;it would make talk. And. " sez he, "what is life worth when folks talk?"I turned around the crazed block and tackled it in a new place (moreluny than ever it seemed to me), and sez I, mekanickly--

"It is pretty hard work to keep folks from talkin'; to keep 'em fromsayin' somethin'. "

But I see from their looks it wouldn't do to say anything more, so I hadto set still and see it go on. 

At that time of year flowers wuz dretful high, but S. Annie and Cephashad made up their minds that they must have several flower-pieces fromthe city nighest to Loontown. 

One wuz a-goin' to be a gate ajar, and one wuz to be a gate wide open, and one wuz to be a big book. Cephas asked what book I thought would bepreferable to represent. And I mentioned the Bible. 

But Cephas sez, "No, he didn't think he would have a Bible; he didn'tthink it would be appropriate, seein' the deceased wuz a lawyer. " Hesaid "he hadn't quite made up his mind what book to have. But anyway itwuz to be in flowers--beautiful flowers. " Another piece wuz to be hisname in white flowers on a purple background of pansies. His name wuzWellington Napoleon Bonaparte Hardiman. And I sez to Cephas--"To saveexpense, you will probable have the moneygram W. N. B. H. ?"

"Oh, no, " sez he. 

Sez I, "hen the initials of his given names, and the last name infull. "

"Oh, no, " he said; "it wuz S. Annie's wish, and hisen, that the hullname should be put on. They thought it would show more respect. "

I sez, "Where Wellington is now, that hain't a goin' to make anydifference, and, " sez I, "Cephas, flowers are dretful high this time ofyear, and it is a long name. "

But Cephas said agin that he didn't care for expense, so long as respectwuz done to the memory of the deceased. He said that he and S. Annieboth felt that it wuz their wish to have the funeral go ahead of anyother that had ever took place in Loontown or Jonesville. He said thatS. Annie felt that it wuz all that wuz left her now in life, the memoryof such a funeral as he deserved. 

Sez I, "There is his children left for her to live for, " sez I--"threelittle bits of his own life, for her to nourish, and cherish, and lookout for. "

"Yes, " sez Cephas, "and she will do that nobly, and I will help her. They are all goin' to the funeral, too, in deep-black dresses. " He said"they wuz too little to realize it now, but in later and maturer yearsit would be a comfort to 'em to know they had took part in such afuneral as that wuz goin' to be, and wuz dressed in black. "

"Wall, " sez I (in a quiet, onassumin' way I would gin little hints of mymind on the subject), "I am afraid that will be about all the comfortsof life the poor little children will ever have, " sez I. "It will be ifyou buy many more flower-pieces and crape dresses. "

Cephas said "it wouldn't take much crape for the children's dresses, they wuz so little, only the baby's; that would have to be long. "

Sez I, "The baby would look better in white, and it will take sights ofcrape for a long baby dress. "

"Yes, but S. Annie can use it afterwards for veils. She is veryeconomical; she takes it from me. And she feels jest as I do, that thebaby must wear it in respect to her father's memory. "

Sez I, "The baby don't know crape from a clothes-pin. "

"No, " sez Cephas, "but in after years the thought of the respect sheshowed will sustain her. "

"Wall, " sez I, "I guess she won't have much besides thoughts to live on, if things go on in this way. "

I would give little hints in this way, but they wuzn't took. Things wentright on as if I hadn't spoke. And I couldn't contend, for truly, as abad little boy said once on a similar occasion, "it wuzn't my funeral, "so I had to set and work on that insane bedquilt and see it go on. ButI sithed constant and frequent, and when I wuz all alone in the room Iindulged in a few low groans. 

CHAPTER X. 

We dressmakers wuz in the house, to stay all the time till the dresseswuz done; and clerks would come around, anon, if not oftener, withpackages of mournin' goods, and mournin' jewelry, and mournin'handkerchiefs, and mournin' stockings, and mournin' stockin'-supporters, and mournin' safety-pins, and etc. , etc. , etc. , etc. , etc. 

Every one of 'em, I knew, a-wrenchin' boards offen the sides of thathouse that Wellington had worked so hard to get for his wife and littleones. 

Wall, the day of the funeral come. It wuz a wet, drizzly day, but Cephaswuz up early, to see that everything wuz as he wanted it to be. 

As fur as I wuz concerned, I had done my duty, for the crazy bedquiltwuz done; and though brains might totter as they looked at it, I feltthat it wuzn't my fault. Sally Ann spread it out with complacency overthe lounge, and thanked me, with tears in her eyes, for my noble deed. 

Along quite early in the mornin', before the show commenced, I went into see Wellington. 

He lay there calm and peaceful, with a look on his face as if he had gotaway at last from a atmosphere of show and sham, and had got into thegreat Reality of life. 

It wuz a good face, and the worryment and care that folks told me hadbeen on it for years had all faded away. But the look of determination, and resolve, and bravery, --that wuz ploughed too deep in his face to besmoothed out, even by the mighty hand that had lain on it. The resolvedlook, the brave look with which he had met the warfare of life, toiledfor victory over want, toiled to place his dear and helpless ones in aposition of safety, --that look wuz on his face yet, as if the deathlesshope and endeavor had gone on into eternity with him. 

And by the side of him, on a table, wuz the big high flower-pieces, beginnin' already to wilt and decay. 

Wall, it's bein' such an uncommon bad day, there wuzn't many to thefuneral. But we rode to the meetin'-house in Loontown in a state andsplendor that I never expect to again. Cephas had hired eleven mournin'coaches, and the day bein' so bad, and so few a-turnin' out to thefuneral, that in order to occupy all the coaches--and Cephas thought itwould look better and more popular to have 'em all occupied--we dividedup, and Josiah went in one, alone, and lonesome as a dog, as he saidafterwards to me. And I sot up straight and oncomfortable in another oneon 'em, stark alone. 

Cephas had one to himself, and his wife another one, and two old maids, sisters of Cephas'ses who always made a point of attendin' funerals, they each one of 'em had one. S. Annie and her children, of course, hadthe first one, and then the minister had one, and one of the trustees inthe neighborhood had another; so we lengthened out into quite a crowd, all a-follerin' the shiny hearse, and the casket all covered with showyplated nails. I thought of it in jest that way, for Wellington, I knew, the real Wellington, wuzn't there. No, he wuz fur away--as fur as theReal is from the Unreal. Wall, we filed into the Loontown meetin'-housein pretty good shape. The same meetin'-house I had been sent toreconoiter. But Cephas hadn't no black handkerchief, and he lookedworried about it. He had shed tears a-tellin' me about it, what aoversight it wuz, while I wuz a fixin' on his mournin' weed. He took itinto his head to have a deeper weed at the last minute, so I fixed iton. He had the weed come up to the top of his hat and lap over. I neversee so tall a weed. But it suited Cephas; he said "he thought it showeddeep respect. "

"Wall, " sez I, "it is a deep weed, anyway--the deepest I ever see. " Andhe said as I wuz a sewin' it on, he a-holdin' his hat for me, "thatWellington deserved it; he deserved it all. "

But, as I say, he shed tears to think that his handkerchief wuzn'tblack-bordered. He said "it wuz a fearful oversight; it would probablymake talk. "

"But, " I sez, "mebby it won't be noticed. "

[Illustration: "AS A PROCESSION WE WUZ MIDDLIN' LONG, BUT RUTHERTHIN. "]

"Yes, it will, " sez he. "It will be noticed. " And sez he, "I don't careabout myself, but I am afraid it will reflect onto Wellington. I amafraid they will think it shows a lack of respect for him. ForWellington's sake I feel cut down about it. "

And I sez, "I guess where Wellington is now, the color of a handkerchiefborder hain't a-goin' to make much difference to him either way. "

And I don't spoze it wuz noticed much, for there wuzn't more'n ten or adozen folks there when we went in. We went in in Injin file mostly byCephas'ses request, so's to make more show. And as a procession we wuzmiddlin' long, but ruther thin. 

The sermon wuz not so very good as to quality, but abundant as toquantity. It wuz, as nigh as I could calkerlate, about a hour andthree-quarters long. Josiah whispered to me along about the last that"we had been there over seven hours, and his legs wuz paralyzed. "

And I whispered back that "seven hours would take us into the night, andto stretch his feet out and pinch 'em, " which he did. 

But it wuz long and tegus. My feet got to sleep twice, and I had hardwork to wake 'em up agin. The sermon meant to be about Wellington, Is'pose; he did talk a sight about him, and then he kinder branched offonto politics, and then the Inter-State bill; he kinder favored it, Ithought. 

Wall, we all got drippin' wet a-goin' home, for Cephas insisted on ourgettin' out at the grave, for he had hired some uncommon high singers(high every way, in price and in notes) to sing at the grave. 

And so we disembarked in the drippin' rain, on the wet grass, and formeda procession agin. And Cephas had a long exercise light there in therain. But the singin' wuz kinder jerky and curius, and they had gottheir pay beforehand, so they hurried it through. And one man, thetenor, who wuz dretful afraid of takin' cold, hurried through his partand got through first, and started on a run for the carriage. The othersstood their grounds till the piece wuz finished, but they put on somedretful curius quavers. I believe they had had chills; it sounded likeit. 

Take it altogether, I don't believe anybody got much satisfaction out ofit, only Cephas. S. Annie sp'ilt her dress and bonnet entirely--they wuzwilted all down; and she ordered another suit jest like it beforeshe slept. Wall, the next mornin' early two men come with plans formonuments. Cephas had telegrafted to 'em to come with plans and bid forthe job of furnishin' the monument. 

And after a good deal of talk on both sides, Cephas and S. Annieselected one that wuz very high and p'inted. 

The men stayed to dinner, and I said to Cephas out to one side--

"Cephas, that monument is a-goin' to cost a sight. "

"Wall, " sez he, "we can't raise too high a one. Wellington deserved itall. "

Sez I, "Won't that and all these funeral expenses take about all themoney he left?"

"Oh, no!" sez he. "He had insured his life for a large amount, and itall goes to his wife and children. He deserves a monument if a man everdid. "

"But, " sez I, "don't you believe that Wellington would ruther have S. Annie and the children settled down in a good little home with sumthin'left to take care of 'em, than to have all this money spent in perfectlyuseless things?"

"_Useless!_" sez Cephas, turnin' red. "Why, " sez he, "if you wuzn't anear relation I should resent that speech bitterly. "

"Wall, " sez I, "what do all these flowers, and empty carriages, andsilver-plated nails, and crape, and so forth--what does it all amountto?"

"Respect and honor to his memory, " sez Cephas, proudly. 

Sez I, "Such a life as Wellington's had them; no body could take 'emaway nor deminish 'em. Such a brave, honest life is crowned with honorand respect any way. It don't need no crape, nor flowers, nor monumentsto win 'em. And, at the same time, " sez I dreamily, "if a man is mean, no amount of crape, or flower-pieces, or flowery sermons, or obituries, is a-goin' to cover up that meanness. A life has to be lived out-doorsas it were; it can't be hid. A string of mournin' carriages, no matterhow long, hain't a-goin' to carry a dishonorable life into honor, andno grave, no matter how low and humble it is, is a-goin' to cover up ahonorable life. 

"Such a life as Wellington's don't need no monument to carry up thestory of his virtues into the heavens; it is known there already. Andthem that mourn his loss don't need cold marble words to recall hisgoodness and faithfulness. The heart where the shadow of his eternalabsence has fell don't need crape to make it darker. 

"Wellington wouldn't be forgot if S. Annie wore pure white from daytoday. No, nobody that knew Wellington, from all I have hearn of him, needs crape to remind 'em that he wuz once here and now is gone. 

"Howsomever, as fur as that is concerned, I always feel that mournersmust do as they are a mind to about crape, with fear and tremblin'--thatis, if they are well off, and _can_ do as they are a mind to; and thesame with monuments, flowers, empty coaches, etc. But in this case, Cephas Bodley, I wouldn't be a doin' my duty if I didn't speak my mind. When I look at these little helpless souls that are left in a cold worldwith nothin' to stand between them and want but the small means their paworked so hard for and left for the express purpose of takin' care of'em, it seems to me a foolish thing, and a cruel thing, to spend allthat money on what is entirely onnecessary. "

"Onnecessary!" sez Cephas, angrily. "Agin I say, Josiah Allen's wife, that if it wuzn't for our close relationship I should turn on you. Aworm will turn, " sez he, "if it is too hardly trampled on. "

"I hain't trampled on you, " sez I, "nor hain't had no idea on't. I wuzonly statin' the solemn facts and truth of the matter. And you will seeit some time, Cephas Bodley, if you don't now. "

Sez Cephas, "The worm has turned, Josiah Allen's wife! Yes, I feel thatI have got to look now to more distant relations for comfort. Yes, theworm has been stomped on too heavy. "

He looked cold, cold as a iceickle almost. And I see that jest the fewwords I had spoke, jest the slight hints I had gin, hadn't been took asthey should have been took. So I said no more. For agin the remark ofthat little bad boy came up in my mind and restrained me from sayin' anymore. 

Truly, as the young male child observed, "it wuzn't my funeral. "

We went home almost immegiately afterwards, my heart nearly a-bleedin'for the little children, poor little creeters, and Cephas actin' coldand distant to the last And we hain't seen 'em sence. But news has comefrom them, and come straight. Josiah heerd to Jonesville all about it. And though it is hitchin' the democrat buggy on front of the mare--totell the end of the funeral here--yet I may as well tell it now and bedone with it. 

The miller at Loontown wuz down to the Jonesville mill to get the loanof some bags, and Josiah happened to be there to mill that day, andheerd all about it. 

Cephas had got the monument, and the ornaments on it cost fur more thanhe expected. There wuz a wreath a-runnin' round it clear from the bottomto the top, and verses a kinder runnin' up it at the same time. And itcost fearful. Poetry a-runnin' up, they say, costs fur more than it duzon a level. 

Any way, the two thousand dollars that wuz insured on Wellington's lifewuzn't quite enough to pay for it. But the sale of his law library andthe best of the housen' stuff paid it. The nine hundred he left went, every mite of it, to pay the funeral expenses and mournin' for thefamily. 

[Illustration: CARRIED TO THE COUNTY POOR HOUSE. ]

And as bad luck always follers on in a procession, them mortgages ofCephas'ses all run out sort o' together. His creditors sold him out, and when his property wuz all disposed of it left him over fourteenhundred dollars in debt. 

The creditors acted perfectly greedy, so they say--took everything theycould; and one of the meanest ones took that insane bedquilt that Ifinished. That _wuz_ mean. They say Sally Ann crumpled right downwhen that wuz took. Some say that they got hold of that tall weed ofCephas'ses, and some dispute it; some say that he wore it on the lastride he took in Loontown. 

But, howsomever, Cephas wuz took sick, Sally Ann wuzn't able to doanything for their support, S. Annie wuz took down with the typhus, andso it happened the very day the monument wuz brought to the Loontowncemetery, Cephas Bodley's folks wuz carried to the county house, S. Annie, the children and all. 

And it happened dretful curius, but the town hired that very team thatdrawed the monument there, to take the family back. 

It wuz a good team. 

The monument wuzn't set up, for they lacked money to pay for theunderpinnin'! (Wuz n't it curius, Cephas Bodley never would think of theunderpinnin' to anything?) But it lay there by the side of the road, agreat white shape. 

And they say the children wuz skairt, and cried when they went byit--cried and wept. 

But I believe it wuz because they wuz cold and hungry that made 'em cry. I don't believe it wuz the monument. 

CHAPTER XI. 

[Illustration:]

A few days follerin' on and ensuin' after thiseppisode, Submit Tewksburv wuz a takin' supper with me. She had comehome with me from the meetin' house where we had been to work all day. 

I had urged her to stay, for she lived a mile further on the road, andhad got to walk home afoot. 

And she hain't any too well off, Submit hain't--she has to work hard forevery mite of food she eats, and clothes she wears, and fuel and lights, etc. , etc. 

So I keep her to dinners and suppers all I can, specially when we areengaged in meetin' house work, for as poor as Submit is, she will insiston doin' for the meetin' house jest as much as any other female woman inJonesville. 

She is quite small boneded, and middlin' good lookin' for a women of heryears. She has got big dark eyes, very soft and mellow lookin' inexpression--and a look deep down into 'em, as if she had been waitin'for something, for some time. Her hair is gettin' quite gray now, butits original color was auburn, and she has got quite a lot of it--kindercrinkly round her forward. Her complexion is pale. She is a very goodlookin' woman yet, might marry any day of the week now, I hain't nodoubt of it. She is a single woman, but is well thought on inJonesville, and the southern part of Zoar, where she has relatives onher mother's side. 

[Illustration: SUBMIT TEWKSBURY. ]

She has had chances to my certain knowledge (widowers and such). 

But if all the men in the world should come and stand in rows in frontof her gate with gilded crowns in their hands all ready to crown her, and septers all ready for her to grasp holt of, and wield over theworld, she would refuse every one of 'em. 

She has had a disappointment, Submit has. And she looked at the world solong through tears, that the world got to lookin' sort o' dim like andshadowy to her, and the whole men race looked to her fur off and misty, as folks will when you look at 'em through a rain. 

She couldn't marry one of them shadows of men, if she tried, and shehain't never tried. No, her heart always has been, and is now, fur away, a-travellin' through unknown regions, unknown, and yet more real to herthan Jonesville or Zoar, a-follerin' the one man in the world who is areality to her. Submit wuz engaged to a young Methodist minister by thename of Samuel Danker. I remember him well. A good lookin' young fellowat the time, with blue eyes and light hair, ruther long and curly, andkinder wavin' back from his forward, and a deep spiritual look in hiseyes. In fact, his eyes looked right through the fashions and follys ofthe civilized world, into the depths of ignorance, rivers of ruin anddespair, that wuz a-washin' over a human race, black jungles where nakedsin and natural depravities crouched hungry for victims. 

Samuel Danker felt that he had got to go into heathen lands as amissionary. He wuz engaged to Submit, and loved her dearly, and he urgedher to go too. 

But Submit had a invalid father on her hands, a bed rid grandfather, andthree young brothers, too young to earn a thing, and they all on 'emtogether hadn't a cent of money to their names. They had twenty-fiveacres of middlin' poor land, and a old house. 

Wall, Submit felt that she couldn't leave these helpless ones and goto more foreign heathen lands. So, with a achin' heart, she let SamuelDanker go from her, for he felt a call, loud, and she couldn't counselhim to shet up his ears, or put cotton into 'em. Submit Tewksbury hadalways loved and worked for the Methodist meetin' house (she jined iton probation when she wuz thirteen). But although she always had beenextremely liberal in givin', and had made a practice of contributin'every cent she could spare to the meetin' house, it wuz spozed thatSamuel Danker wuz the biggest offerin' she had ever give to it. 

Fur it wuz known that he went to her the night before he sot sail, tooksupper with her, and told her she should decide the matter for him, whether he went or whether he staid. 

It wuz spozed his love for Submit wuz so great that it made him waverwhen the time come that he must leave her to her lot of toil andsacrifice and loneliness. 

But Submit loved the Methodist meetin' house to that extent, she leanedso hard on the arm of Duty, that she nerved up her courage anew, refusedto accept the sacrifice of his renunciation, bid him go to his greatwork, and quit himself like a man--told him she would always love him, pray for him, be constant to him. And she felt that the Master they bothwanted to serve would some day bring him back to her. 

So he sailed away to his heathens--and Submit stayed to home with herfive helpless males and her achin' heart. And if I had to tell whichmade her the most trouble, I couldn't to save my life. 

She knew the secret of her achin' heart, and the long dark nights shekep awake with it. The neighbors couldn't understand that exactly, forthere hain't no language been discovered yet that will give voice tothe silent crys of a breakin' heart, a tender heart, a constant heart, cryin' out acrost the grayness of dreary days acrost the blackness oflonely nights. 

But we could see her troubles with the peevish paralasys of age, withthe tremendus follys of undisciplined youth. 

But Submit took care of the hull caboodle of 'em; worked out some bydays' works, to get more necessaries for 'em than the poor littlefarm would bring in; nursed the sick on their sick-beds and on theirdeath-beds, till she see 'em into Heaven--or that is where we spozethey went to, bein' deservin' old males both on 'em, her father and hergrandfather, and in full connectin with the Methodist Episcopel meetin'house. 

She took care of her young brothers, patient with 'em always, ready tomend bad rents in their clothin' and their behavior--tryin' to prop uptheir habits and their morals, givin' 'em all the schoolin' she could, givin' 'em all a good trade, all but the youngest, him she kep with heralways till the Lord took him (scarlet fever), took him to learn themysterius trade of the immortals. 

Submit had a hard fit of sickness after that. And when she got up agin, there wuz round her pale forward a good many white hairs that wuz orburnbefore the little boy went away from her. 

Sense that, the other boys have married, and Submit has lived alone inthe old farm-house, lettin' the farm out on shares. It is all rundown; she don't get much from it; it don't yield much but trouble andburdocks, but as little as she gets, she always will, as I say, do herfull share, and more than her share, for the meetin' house. 

[Illustration: "HE TOOK SUPPER WITH HER FOR THE LAST TIME. "]

Some think it is on account of her inherient goodness, and some thinkit is on account of Samuel Danker. 

We all spose she hain't forgot Samuel. And they do say that every yearwhen the day comes round, that he took supper with her for the lasttime, she puts a plate on for him--the very one he eat on last---a pinkedged chiny plate, with gilt sprigs, the last one left of her mother'sfirst set of chiny. 

That is what they _say_, I hain't never seen the plate. 

It is now about twenty years sense Samuel Danker went to heathen lands. And as it wuz a man-eatin' tribe he went to preach to, and as he hain'tbeen heern of from that day to this, it is spozed that they eat him upsome years ago. 

But it is thought that Submit hain't gin up hope yet. We spoze so, butdon't know, on account of her never sayin' anything on the subject. Butwe judge from the plate. 

Wall, as I say (and I have episoded fearfully, fearfully), Submit tooksupper with me that night. And after Josiah had put out his horse (hehad been to Jonesville for the evenin' mail, and stopped for us at themeetin' house on his way back), he took the _World_ out of his pocket, and perused it for some time, and from that learned the great news thatwimmen wuz jest about to be held up agin, to see if her strength wuzsufficient to set on the Conference. 

And oh! how Josiah Allen went on about it to Submit and me, all thewhile we wuz a eatin' supper--and for more'n a hour afterwuds. 

CHAPTER XII. 

Submit wuz very skairt to heern him go on (she felt more nervous onaccount of an extra hard day's work), and I myself wuz beat out, but Iwuzn't afraid at all of him, though he did go on elegant, and dretfulempressive and even skairful. 

He stood up on the same old ground that men have always stood up on, the ground of man's great strength and capability, and wimmen's utterweakness, helplessness, and incapacity. Josiah enlarged almost wildly onthe subject of how high, how inaccessibley lofty the Conference wuz, andthe utter impossibility of a weak, helpless, fragaile bein' like a womenever gettin' up on it, much less settin' on it. And then, oh how vividlyhe depictered it, how he and every other male Methodist in the landloved wimmen too well, worshipped 'em too deeply to put such a wearin'job onto 'em. Oh how Josiah Allen soared up in eloquence. Submit shedtears, or, that is, I thought she did--I see her wipe her eyes any way. Some think that about the time the Samuel Danker anniversary comesround, she is more nervous and deprested. It wuz very near now, andtake that with her hard work that day, it accounts some for her extradepression--though, without any doubt, it wuz Josiah's talk that startedthe tears. 

I couldn't bear to see Submit look so mournful and deprested, and so, though I wuz that tired myself that I could hardly hold my head up, yetI did take my bits in my teeth, as you may say, and asked him--

What the awful hard job wuz that he and other men wuz so anxus to wardoffen wimmen. 

And he sez, "Why, a settin' on the Conference. "

And I sez, "I don't believe that is such a awful hard job to tackle. "

"Yes, indeed, it is, " sez Josiah in his most skairful axent, "yes, itis. "

And he shook his head meenin'ly and impressively, and looked at me andSubmit in as mysterius and strange a way, es I have ever been looked atin my life, and I have had dretful curius looks cast onto me, from firstto last. And he sez in them deep impressive axents of hisen, "You jest try it once, and see--I have sot on it, and I know. "

Josiah wuz sent once as a delegate to the Methodist Conference, so Ispozed he did know. 

But I sez, "Why you come home the second day when you sot as happy as aking, and you told me how you had rested off durin' the two days, andhow you had visited round at Uncle Jenkins'es, and Cousin Henn's, andyou said that you never had had such a good time in your hull life, asyou did when you wuz a settin'. You looked as happy as a king, and actedso. "

Josiah looked dumbfounded for most a quarter of a minute. For he knew mywords wuz as true es anything ever sot down in Matthew, Mark, or Luke, or any of the other old patriarks. He knew it wuz Gospel truth, thathe had boasted of his good times a settin', and as I say for nearly aquarter of a minute he showed plain signs of mortification. 

But almost imegietly he recovered himself, and went on with the doggyobstinacy of his sect: "Oh, wall! Men can tackle hard jobs, and get someenjoyment out of it too, when it is in the line of duty. One thing thatboys em' up, and makes em' happy, is the thought that they are a keepin'trouble and care offen wimmen. That is a sweet thought to men, andalways wuz. And there wuz great strains put onto our minds, us men thatsot, that wimmen couldn't be expected to grapple with, and hadn't ort totry to. It wuz a great strain onto us. "

"What was the nater of the strain?" sez I. "I didn't know as you did athing only sot still there and go to sleep. _You_ wuz fast asleep theremost the hull of the time, for it come straight to me from them thatknow. And all that Deacon Bobbet did who went with you wuz to hold uphis hand two or three times a votin'. I shouldn't think that wuz soawful wearin'. "

And agin I sez, "What wuz the strain?"

But Josiah didn't answer, for that very minute he remembered a pressin'engagement he had about borrowin' a plow. He said he had got to go up toJoe Charnick's to get his plow. (I don't believe he wanted a plow thattime of night. ) But he hurried away from the spot. And soon after Submitwent home lookin' more deprested and down-casted than ever. 

And Josiah Allen didn't get home till _late_ at night. I dare persume tosay it wuz as late as a quarter to nine when that man got back to thebosom of his family. 

And I sot there all alone, and a-meditatin' on things, and a-wonderin'what under the sun he wuz a-traipsin up to Joe Charnick's for at thattime of night, and a-worryin' some for fear he wuz a-keepin' MissCharnick up, and a-spozin' in my mind what Miss Charnick would do, toget along with the meetin' house, and the Conference question, if shewuz a member. (She is a _very_ sensible woman, Jenette Charnick is, _very_, and a great favorite with me, and others. )

And I got to thinkin' how prosperus and happy she is now, and how muchshe had went through. And I declare the hull thing come back to me, allthe strange and curius circumstances connected with her courtship andmarriage, and I thought it all out agin, the hull story, from beginnin'to end. 

The way it begun wuz--and the way Josiah Allen and me come to have anyconnectin with the story wuz as follers:

Some time ago, and previus, we had a widder come to stay with us aspell, she that wuz Tamer Shelmadine, Miss Trueman Pool that now is. 

Her husband died several years ago, and left her not over and abovewell off. And so she goes round a-visitin', and has went ever sense hisdeath. And finds sights of faults with things wherever she is, sights ofit. 

Trueman wuz Josiah's cousin, on his own side, and I always made apractice of usin' her quite well. She used to live neighbor to me beforeI wuz married, and she come and stayed nine weeks. 

She is a tall spindlin' woman, a Second Adventist by perswasion, andweighs about ninety-nine pounds. 

Wall, as I say, she means middlin' well, and would be quite agreeableif it wuzn't for a habit she has of thinkin' what she duz is a leetlebetter than anybody else can do, and wantin' to tell a leetle betterstory than anybody else can. 

Now she thinks she looks better than I do. But Josiah sez she can'tbegin with me for looks, and I don't spoze she can, though of course ithain't to be expected that I would want it told of that I said so. No, Iwouldn't want it told of pro or con, especially con. But I know JosiahAllen has always been called a pretty good judge of wimmen's looks. 

[Illustration: "SHE IS A TALL SPINDLIN' WOMAN. "]

And now she thinks she can set hens better than I can--and make betterriz biscuit. She jest the same as told me so. Any way, the first timeI baked bread after she got here, she looked down on my loaves realhaughty, yet with a pityin' look, and sez:

"It is very good for yeast, but I always use milk emptin's. "

And she kinder tested her head, and sort o' swept out of the room, notwith a broom, no, she would scorn to sweep out a room with a broom orhelp me in any way, but she sort o' swept it out with her mean. But Ididn't care, I knew my bread wuz good. 

Now if anybody is sick, she will always tell of times when she has beensicker. She boasts of layin' three nights and two days in a fit. But wedon't believe it, Josiah and me don't. That is, we don't believe she laythere so long, a-runnin'. 

We believe she come out of 'em occasionally. 

But you couldn't get her to give off a hour or a minute of the time. Three nights and two days she lay there a-runnin', so she sez, and shehas said it so long, that we spoze, Josiah and me do, that she believesit herself now. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Curius, hain't it? How folks will get to tellin' things, and finallytell 'em so much, that finally they will get to believin' of 'emthemselves--boastin' of bein' rich, etc. , or bad. Now I have seen folksboast over that, act real haughty because they had been bad and got overit. I've seen temperance lecturers and religious exhorters boast sightsand sights over how bad they had been. But they wuzn't tellin' thetruth, though they had told the same thing so much that probable theyhad got to thinkin' so. 

But in the case of one man in petickuler, I found out for myself, for Ididn't believe what he wuz a sayin' any of the time. 

Why, he made out in evenin' meetin's, protracted and otherwise, that hehad been a awful villain. Why no pirate wuz ever wickeder than he madehimself out to be, in the old times before he turned round and becomepious. 

[Illustration: "HIS FACE WUZ A GOOD MORAL FACE. "]

But I didn't believe it, for he had a good look to his face, all but thehigh headed look he had, and sort o' vain. 

But except this one look, his face wuz a good moral face, and I knewthat no man could cut up and act as he claimed that he had, withoutcarryin' some marks on the face of the cuttin' up, and also of theactin'. 

And so, as it happened, I went a visitin' (to Josiah's relations) to thevery place where he had claimed to do his deeds of wild badness, and Ifound that he had always been a pattern man--never had done a singlemean act, so fur as wuz known. 

Where wuz his boastin' then? As the Bible sez, why, it wuz all vaintalk. He had done it to get up a reputation. He had done it because hewuz big feelin' and vain. And he had got so haughty over it, and hadtold of it so much, that I spoze he believed in it himself. 

Curius! hain't it? But I am a eppisodin', and to resoom. Trueman's wifewould talk jest so, jest so haughty and high headed, about the worldcomin' to a end. 

She'd dispute with everybody right up and down if they disagreed withher--and specially about that religion of hern. How sot she wuz, howextremely sot. 

But then, it hain't in me, nor never wuz, to fight anybody for anypetickuler religion of theirn. There is sights and sights of differentreligions round amongst different friends of mine, and most all on 'emquite good ones. 

That is, they are agreeable to the ones who believe in 'em, and not overand above disagreeable to me. 

Now it seems to me that in most all of these different doctrines andbeliefs, there is a grain of truth, and if folks would only kinder holdonto that grain, and hold themselves stiddy while they held onto it, they would be better off. 

But most folks when they go to follerin' off a doctrine, they foller toofur, they hain't megum enough. 

Now, for instance, when you go to work and whip anybody, or hang 'em, orburn 'em up for not believin' as you do, that is goin' too fur. 

It has been done though, time and agin, in the world's history, andmebby will be agin. 

But it hain't reasonable. Now what good will doctrines o' any kind do toanybody after they are burnt up or choked to death?

You see such things hain't bein' megum. Because I can't believe jest assomebody else duz, it hain't for me to pitch at 'em and burn 'em up, oreven whip 'em. 

No, indeed! And most probable if I should study faithfully out theirbeliefs, I would find one grain, or mebby a grain and a half of realtruth in it. 

[Illustration: "EF I FELL ON A STUN. "]

Now, for instance, take the doctrines of Christian Healin', or MindCure. Now I can't exactly believe that if I fell down and hurt my headon a stun--I cannot believe as I am a layin' there, that I hain't fell, and there hain't no stun--and while I am a groanin' and a bathin' theachin' bruise in anarky and wormwood, I can't believe that there hain'tno such thing as pain, nor never wuz. 

No, I can't believe this with the present light I have got on thesubject. 

But yet, I have seen them that this mind cure religion had fairly rizright up, and made 'em nigher to heaven every way--so nigh to it thatseemin'ly a light out of some of its winders had lit up their faces withits glowin' repose, its sweet rapture. 

I've seen 'em, seen 'em as the Patent Medicine Maker observes sofrequently, "before and after takin'. "

Folks that wuz despondent and hopeless, and wretched actin', why, thisbelief made 'em jest blossom right out into a state of hopefulness, andcalmness, and joy--refreshin' indeed to contemplate. 

Wall now, the idee of whippin' anybody for believin' anything thatbrings such a good change to 'em, and fills them and them round 'em withso much peace and happiness. 

Why, I wouldn't do it for a dollar bill. And as for hangin' 'em, andbrilin' 'em on gridirons, etc. , why, that is entirely out of thequestion, or ort to be. 

And now, it don't seem to me that I ever could make a tree walk off, bylookin' at it, and commandin' it to--or call some posys to fall downinto my lap, right through, the plasterin'--

Or send myself, or one of myselfs, off to Injy, while the other one ofme stayed to Jonesville. 

Now, honestly speakin', it don't seem to me that I ever could learn todo this, not at my age, any way, and most dead with rheumatiz a gooddeal of the time. 

I most know I couldn't. 

But then agin I have seen believers in Theosiphy that could do wonders, and seemed indeed to have got marvelous control over the forces ofNatur. 

And now the idee of my whippin' 'em for it. Why you wouldn't ketch me atit. 

And Spiritualism now! I spoze, and I about know that there are lotsof folks that won't ever see into any other world than this, till thebreath leaves their body. 

Yet i've seen them, pure sweet souls too, as I ever see, whose eyesbeheld blessed visions withheld from more material gaze. 

Yes, i've neighbored with about all sorts of religius believers, andnever disputed that they had a right to their own religion. 

And I've seen them too that didn't make a practice of goin' to anymeetin' houses much, who lived so near to God and his angels that theyfelt the touch of angel hands on their forwards every day of theirlives, and you could see the glow of the Fairer Land in their rapt eyes. 

They had outgrown the outward forms of religion that had helped themat first, jest as children outgrow the primers and ABC books of theirchildhood and advance into the higher learnin'. 

I've seen them folks i've neighbored with 'em. Human faults they had, or God would have taken them to His own land before now. Theirimperfections, I spoze sort o' anchored 'em here for a spell to aimperfect world. 

But you could see, if you got nigh enough to their souls to see anythingabout 'em--you could see that the anchor chains wuz slight after all, and when they wuz broke, oh how lightly and easily they would sail away, away to the land that their rapt souls inhabited even now. 

Yes, I've seen all sorts of religius believers and I wuzn't goin' to betoo hard on Tamer for her belief, though I couldn't believe as she did. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

He come to our house a visitin' along the first week in June, and thelast day in June wuz the day they had sot for the world to come to anend. I, myself, didn't believe she knew positive about it, and Josiahdidn't either. And I sez to her, "The Bible sez that it hain't agoin'to be revealed to angels even, or to the Son himself, but only to theFather when that great day shall be. " And sez I to Trueman's wife, sezI, "How should _you_ be expected to know it?"

Sez she, with that same collected together haughty look to her, "My namewuzn't mentioned, I believe, amongst them that _wuzn't_ to know it!"

And of course I had to own up that it wuzn't. But good land! I didn'tbelieve she knew a thing more about it than I did, but I didn't disputewith her much, because she wuz one of the relatives on his side--youknow you have to do different with 'em than you do with them on your ownside--you have to. And then agin, I felt that if it didn't come to anend she would be convinced that she wuz in the wrong on't, and if shedid we should both of us be pretty apt to know it, so there wuzn't muchuse in disputin' back and forth. 

But she wuz firm as iron in her belief. And she had come up visitin' toour home, so's to be nigh when Trueman riz. Trueman wuz buried in theold Risley deestrict, not half a mile from us on a back road. And shenaterally wanted to be round at the time. 

She said plain to me that Trueman never could seem to get along withouther. And though she didn't say it right out, she carried the idea (andJosiah resented it because Trueman was a favorite cousin of his'n onhis own side. ) She jest the same as said right out that Trueman, if shewuzn't by him to tend to him, would be jest as apt to come up wrong endup as any way. 

Josiah didn't like it at all. 

Wall, she had lived a widowed life for a number of years, and had saidright out, time and time agin, that she wouldn't marry agin. But Josiahthought, and I kinder mistrusted myself, that she wuz kinder on thelookout, and would marry agin if she got a chance--not fierce, you know, or anything of that kind, but kinder quietly lookin' out and standin'ready. That wuz when she first come; but before she went away she actedfierce. 

[Illustration: "BURIED IN THE OLD RISLEY DEESIRICT. "]

Wall, there wuz sights of Adventists up in the Risley deestrict, andamongst the rest wuz an old bachelder, Joe Charnick. 

And Joe Charnick wuz, I s'poze, of all Advents, the most Adventy. Hejest _knew_ the world wuz a comin' to a end that very day, the last dayof June, at four o'clock in the afternoon. And he got his robe all madeto go up in. It wuz made of a white book muslin, and Jenette Finstermade it. Cut it out by one of his mother's nightgowns--so she told me inconfidence, and of course I tell it jest the same; I want it kep. 

She was afraid Joe wouldn't like it, if he knew she took the nightgownfor a guide, wantin' it, as he did, for a religious purpose. 

But, good land! as I told her, religion or not, anybody couldn't cutanything to look anyhow without sumpthin' fora guide, and she bein' anold maiden felt a little delicate about measurin' him. 

His mother wuz as big round as he wuz, her weight bein' 230 by thesteelyards, and she allowed 2 fingers and a half extra length--Joe istall. She gathered it in full round the neck, and the sleeves (at hisrequest) hung down like wings, a breadth for each wing wuz what sheallowed. Jenette owned up to me (though she wouldn't want it told offor the world, for it had been sposed for years, that he and she had alikin' for each other, and mebby would make a match some time, thoughwhat they had been a-waitin' for for the last 10 years nobody knew). Butshe allowed to me that when he got his robe on, he wuz the worst lookin'human bein' that she ever laid eyes on, and sez she, for she likes ajoke, Jenette duz: "I should think if Joe looked in the glass after hegot it on, his religion would be a comfort to him; I should think hewould be glad the world _wuz_ comin' to a end. "

But he _didn't_ look at the glass, Jenette said he didn't; he wanted tosee if it wuz the right size round the neck. Joe hain't handsome, buthe is kinder good-lookin', and he is a good feller and got plenty to dowith, but bein' kinder big-featured, and tall, and hefty, he musthave looked like fury in the robe. But he is liked by everybody, andeverybody is glad to see him so prosperous and well off. 

He has got 300 acres of good land, "be it more or less, " as the deedreads; 30 head of cows, and 7 head of horses (and the hull bodies of'em). And a big sugar bush, over 1100 trees, and a nice little sugarhouse way up on a pretty side hill amongst the maple trees. A good, big, handsome dwellin' house, a sort of cream color, with green blinds; bigbarn, and carriage house, etc. , etc. , and everything in the very best oforder. He is a pattern farmer and a pattern son--yes, Joe couldn't be amore pattern son if he acted every day from a pattern. 

He treats his mother dretful pretty, from day to day. She thinks thatthere hain't nobody like Joe; and it wuz s'pozed that Jenette thought sotoo. 

But Jenette is, and always wuz, runnin' over with common sense, and shealways made fun and laughed at Joe when he got to talkin' about hisreligion, and about settin' a time for the world to come to a end. Andsome thought that that wuz one reason why the match didn't go off, forJoe likes her, everybody could see that, for he wuz jest such a great, honest, open-hearted feller, that he never made any secret of it. And Jenette liked Joe _I_ knew, though she fooled a good many on thesubject. But she wuz always a great case to confide in me, and thoughshe didn't say so right out, which wouldn't have been her way, for, asthe poet sez, she wuzn't one "to wear her heart on the sleeves of herbask waist, " still, I knew as well es I wanted to, that she thought hereyes of him. And old Miss Charnick jest about worshipped Jenette, wouldhave her with her, sewin' for her, and takin' care of her--she wuz sicka good deal, Mother Charnick wuz. And she would have been tickled mostto death to have had Joe marry her and bring her right home there. 

And Jenette wuz a smart little creeter, "smart as lightnin', " as Josiahalways said. 

She had got along in years, Jenette had, without marryin', for she staidto hum and took care of her old father and mother and Tom. The othergirls married off, and left her to hum, and she had chances, so it wuzsaid, good ones, but she wouldn't leave her father and mother, who wuzgettin' old, and kinder bed-rid, and needed her. Her father, specially, said he couldn't live, and wouldn't try to, if Jenette left 'em, but hesaid, the old gentleman did, that Jenette should be richly paid for hergoodness to 'em. 

That wuzn't what made Jenette good, no, indeed; she did it out of thepure tenderness and sweetness of her nature and lovin'heart. But I usedto love to hear the old gentleman talk that way, for he wuz well off, and I felt that so far as money could pay for the hull devotion of alife, why, Jenette would be looked out for, and have a good home, andenough to do with. So she staid to hum, as I say, and took care of'emnight and day; sights of watching and wearisome care she had, poorlittle creeter; but she took the best of care of 'em, and kep 'em kindercomforted up, and clean, and brought up Tom, the youngest boy, by hand, and thought her eyes on him. 

And he wuz a smart chap--awful smart, as it proved in the end; for hemarried when he wuz 21, and brought his wife (a disagreeable creeter)home to the old homestead, and Jenette, before they had been there 2weeks, wuz made to feel that her room wuz better than her company. 

That wuz the year the old gentleman died; her mother had died 3 monthsprior and beforehand. 

Her brother, as I said, wur smart, and he and his wife got round the oldman in some way and sot him against Jenette, and got everything he had. 

He wuz childish, the old man wuz; used to try to put his pantaloons onover his head, and get his feet into his coat sleeves, etc. , etc. 

And he changed his will, that had gi'n Jenette half the property, a goodproperty, too, and gi'n it all to Tom, every mite of it, all but onedollar, which Jenette never took by my advice. 

For I wuz burnin' indignant at old Mr. Finster and at Tom. Curius, tothink such a girl as Jenette had been--such a patient, good creeter, andsuch a good-tempered one, and everything--to think her pa should haveforgot all she had done, and suffered, and gi'n up for 'em, and givethe property all to that boy, who had never done anything only to spendtheir money and make Jenette trouble. 

But then, I s'poze it wuz old Mr. Finster's mind, or the lack on't, andI had to stand it, likewise so did Jenette. 

But I never sot a foot into Tom Finster's house, not a foot after thatday that Jenette left it. I wouldn't. But I took her right to my house, and kep her for 9 weeks right along, and wuz glad to. 

That wuz some 10 years prior and before this, and she had gone roundsewin' ever sense. And she wuz beloved by everybody, and had gone roundhighly respected, and at seventy-five cents a day. 

Her troubles, and everybody that knew her, knew how many she had of 'em, but she kep 'em all to herself, and met the world and her neighbors witha bright face. 

If she took her skeletons out of the closet to air 'em, and I s'poze shedid, everybody duz; they have to at times, to see if their bones are ingood order, if for nothin' else. But if she ever did take 'em out anddust 'em, she did it all by herself. The closet door wuz shet up andlocked when anybody wuz round. And you would think, by her bright, laughin' face, that she never heard the word skeleton, or ever listenedto the rattle of a bone. 

And she kep up such a happy, cheerful look on the outside, that I s'pozeit ended by her bein' cheerful and happy on the inside. 

The stiddy, good-natured, happy spirit that she cultivated at firstby hard work, so I s'poze; but at last it got to be second nater, the qualities kinder struck in and she _wuz_ happy, and she _wuz_contented--that is, I s'poze so. 

Though I, who knew Jenette better than anybody else, almost, knew howtuff, how fearful tuff it must have come on her, to go round from hometo home--not bein' settled down at home anywhere. I knew jest what alovin' little home body she wuz. And how her sweet nater, like the sun, would love to light up one bright lovin' home, and shine kinder stiddythere, instead of glancin' and changin' about from one place to another, like a meteor. 

Some would have liked it; some like change and constant goin' about, andmovin' constantly through space--but I knew Jenette wuzn't made on themeteor plan. I felt sorry for Jenette, down deep in my heart, I did; butI didn't tell her so; no, she wouldn't have liked it; she kep a braveface to the world. And as I said, her comin' wuz looked for weeks andweeks ahead, in any home where she wuz engaged to sew by the day. 

Everybody in the house used to feel the presence of a sunshiny, cheerfulspirit. One that wuz determined to turn her back onto troubles shecouldn't help and keep her face sot towards the Sun of Happiness. Onewho felt good and pleasant towards everybody, wished everybody well. One who could look upon other folks'es good fortune without a miteof jealousy or spite. One who loved to hear her friends praised andadmired, loved to see 'em happy. And if they had a hundred times thegood things she had, why, she was glad for their sakes, that they had'em, she loved to see 'em enjoy 'em, if she couldn't. 

And she wuz dretful kinder cunnin' and cute, Jenette wuz. She would makethe oddest little speeches; keep everybody laughin' round her, when shegot to goin'. 

[Illustration: "Dretful kinder cunnin' and cute, Jenette wuz. "]

Yes, she wuz liked dretful well, Jenette wuz. Her face has a kind of apert look on to it, her black eyes snap, a good-natured snap, though, and her nose turns up jest enough to look kinder cunnin', and her haircurls all over her head. 

Smart round the house she is, and Mother Charnick likes that, for she isa master good housekeeper. Smart to answer back and joke. Joe is slow ofspeech, and his big blue eyes won't fairly get sot onto anything, beforeJenette has looked it all through, and turned it over, and examined iton the other side, and got through with it. 

Wall, she wuz to work to Mother Charnick's makin' her a black alpackadress, and four new calico ones, and coverin' a parasol. 

A good many said that Miss Charnick got dresses a purpose for Jenette tomake, so's to keep her there. Jenette wouldn't stay there a minute onlywhen she wuz to work, and as they always kep a good, strong, hired girl, she knew when she wuz needed, and when she wuzn't. But, of course, shecouldn't refuse to sew for her, and at what she wuz sot at, though shemust have known and felt that Miss Charnick wuz lavish in dresses. Shehad 42 calico dresses, and everybody knew it, new ones, besides woosted. But, anyway, there she was a sewin' when the word came that the worldwas a comin' to a end on the 30th day of June, at 4 o'clock in theafternoon. 

Miss Charnick wuz a believer, but not to the extent that Joe was. ForJenette asked her if she should stop sewin', not sposin' that she wouldneed the dresses, specially the four calico ones, and the parasol incase of the world's endin'. 

And she told Jenette, and Jenette told me, so's I know it is true, "thatshe might go right on, and get the parasol cover, and the trimmins tothe dresses, cambrick, and linin' and things, and hooks and eyes. "

And Miss Charnick didn't prepare no robe. But Jenette mistrusted, thoughMiss Charnick is close-mouthed, and didn't say nothin', but Jenettemistrusted that she laid out, when she sees signs, to use a nightgown. 

She had piles of the nicest ones, that Jenette had made for her fromtime to time, over 28, all trimmed off nice enough for day dresses, soJenette said, trimmed with tape trimmin's, some of 'em, and belted downin front. 

Wall, they had lots of meetin's at the Risley school-house, as the timedrew near. And Miss Trueman Pool went to every one on 'em. 

She had been too weak to go out to the well, or to the barn. She wanteddretfully to see some new stanchils that Josiah had been a makin', jestlike some that Pool had had in his barn. She wanted to see 'em dretful, but was too weak to walk. And I had had kind of a tussle in my own mind, whether or not I should offer to let Josiah carry her out; but kinderhesitated, thinkin' mebby she would get stronger. 

But I hain't jealous, not a mite. It is known that I hain't all throughJonesville and Loontown. No, I'd scorn it. I thought Pool's wife wouldget better and she did. 

One evenin' Joe Charnick came down to bring home Josiah's augur, andthe conversation turned onto Adventin'. And Miss Pool see that Joe wuzcongenial on that subject; he believed jest as she did, that the worldwould come to an end the 30th. This was along the first part of themonth. 

[Illustration: "Joe Charnick came down to bring home Josiah's augur. "]

He spoke of the good meetin's they wuz a-havin' to the Risleyschool-house, and how he always attended to every one on 'em. And thenext mornin' Miss Trueman Pool gin out that she wuz a-goin' thatevenin'. It wuz a good half a mile away, and I reminded her that Josiahhad to be away with the team, for he wuz a-goin' to Loontown, heavyloaded, and wouldn't get back till along in the evenin'. 

But she said "that she felt that the walk would do her good. "

I then reminded her of the stanchils, but she said "stanchils andreligion wuz two separate things. " Which I couldn't deny, and didn't tryto. And she sot off for the school-house that evenin' a-walkin' a foot. And the rest of her adventins and the adventins of Joe I will relate inanother epistol; and I will also tell whether the world come to an endor not. I know folks will want to know, and I don't love to keep folksin onxiety--it hain't my way. 

CHAPTER XV. 

Wall, from that night, Miss Trueman Pool attended to the meetins at theRisley school-house, stiddy and constant. And before the week wuz outJoe Charnick had walked home with her twice. And the next week hecarried her to Jonesville to get the cloth for her robe, jest likehis'n, white book muslin. And twice he had come to consult her on aBible passage, and twice she had walked up to his mother's to consultwith her on a passage in the Apockraphy. And once she went up to see ifher wings wuz es deep and full es his'n. She wanted 'em jest the samesize. 

Miss Charnick couldn't bear her. Miss Charnick wuz a woman who hadenjoyed considerble poor health in her life, and she had now, and hadbeen havin' for years, some dretful bad spells in her stomach--a sort ofa tightness acrost her chest. And Trueman's wife argued with her thather spells had been worse, and her chest had been tighter. And theold lady didn't like that at all, of course. And the old lady tookthoroughwert for 'em, and Trueman's wife insisted on't that thoroughwertwuz tightenin'. 

And then there wuz some chickens in a basket out on the stoop, that theold hen had deserted, and Miss Charnick wuz a bringin' 'em up by hand. And Mother Chainick went out to feed 'em, and Trueman's wife tosted herhead and said, "she didn't approve of it--she thought a chicken ought tobe brung up by a hen. "

But Miss Charnick said, "Why, the hen deserted 'em; they would haveperished right there in the nest. "

But Trueman's wife wouldn't gin in, she stuck right to it, "that it wuza hen's business, and nobody else's. "

And of course she had some sense on her side, for of course it is ahen's business, her duty and her prevelege to bring up her chickens. Butif she won't do it, why, then, somebody else has got to--they ought tobe brung. I say Mother Charnick wuz in the right on't. But Trueman'swife had got so in the habit of findin' fault, and naggin' at me, andthe other relations on Trueman's side and hern, that she couldn't seemto stop it when she knew it wuz for her interest to stop. 

And then she ketched a sight of the alpacker dress Jenette wuz a-makin'and she said "that basks had gone out. "

And Miss Charnick was over partial to 'em (most too partial, somethought), and thought they wuz in the height of the fashion. ButTrueman's wife ground her right down on it. 

"Basks _wuz out_, fer she knew it, she had all her new ones madepolenay. "

And hearin' 'em argue back and forth for more'n a quarter of an hour, Jenette put in and sez (she thinks all the world of Mother Charnick), "Wall, I s'pose you won't take much good of your polenays, if you havegot so little time to wear 'em. "

And then Trueman's wife (she wuz meen-dispositioned, anyway) saidsomethin' about "hired girls keepin' their place. "

And then Mother Charnick flared right up and took Jenette's part. AndJoe's face got red; he couldn't bear to see Jenette put upon, if she wuzmakin' fun of his religeon. And Trueman's wife see that she had gone toofur, and held herself in, and talked good to Jenette, and flattered upJoe, and he went home with her and staid till ten o'clock. 

They spent a good deal of their time a-huntin' up passages, to provetheir doctrine, in the Bible, and the Apockraphy, and Josephus, andothers. 

It beat all how many Trueman's wife would find, and every one she foundJoe would seem to think the more on her. And so it run along, till folkssaid they wuz engaged, and Josiah and me thought so, too. 

And though Jenette wuzn't the one to say anything, she begun to lookkinder pale and mauger. And when I spoke of it to her, she laid it toher liver. And I let her believe I thought so too. And I even went sofur as to recommend tansey and camomile tea, with a little catnip mixedin--I did it fur blinders. I knew it wuzn't her liver that ailed her. Iknew it wuz her heart. I knew it wuz her heart that wuz a-achin'. 

Wall, we had our troubles, Josiah and me did. Trueman's wife wuz dretfuldisagreeable, and would argue us down, every separate thing we tried todo or say. And she seemed more high-headed and disagreeable than eversence Joe had begun to pay attention to her. Though what earthly goodhis attention wuz a-goin' to do, wuz more than I could see, accordin' toher belief. 

But Josiah said, "he guessed Joe wouldn't have paid her any attention, if he hadn't thought that the world wuz a-comin' to a end so soon. Heguessed he wouldn't want her round if it wuz a-goin' to stand. "

Sez I, "Josiah, you are a-judgin' Joe by yourself. " And he owned up thathe wuz. 

Wall, the mornin' of the 30th, after Josiah and me had eat ourbreakfast, I proceeded to mix up my bread. I had set the yeastovernight, and I wuz a mouldin' it out into tins when Trueman's wifecome down-stairs with her robe over her arm. She wanted to iron it outand press the seams. 

I had baked one tin of my biscuit for breakfast, and I had kep 'em warmfor Trueman's wife, for she had been out late the night before to ameetin' to Risley school-house, and didn't come down to breakfast. Ihad also kep some good coffee warm for her, and some toast and steak. 

She laid her robe down over a chair-back, and sot down to her breakfast, but begun the first thing to find fault with me for bein' to work onthat day. She sez, "The idee, of the last day of the world, and youa-bein' found makin' riz biscuit, yeast ones!" sez she. 

"Wall, " sez I, "I don't know but I had jest as soon be found a-makin'riz biscuit, a-takin' care of my own household, as the Lord hescommanded me to, as to be found a-sailin' round in a book muslin MotherHubbard. "

"It hain't a Mother Hubbard!" sez she. 

"Wall, " sez I, "I said it for oritory. But it is puckered up some likethem, and you know it. " Hers wuz made with a yoke. 

And Josiah sot there a-fixin' his plantin' bag. He wuz a-goin' out thatmornin' to plant over some corn that the crows had pulled up. And shebitterly reproved him. But he sez, "If the world don't come to a end, the corn will be needed. "

"But it will, " she sez in a cold, haughty tone. 

[Illustration: "WALL, " SEZ HE, "IF IT DOES, I MAY AS WELL BE DOIN'THAT AS TO BE SETTIN' ROUND. "]

"Wall, " sez he, "if it does, I may as well be a-doin' that as to besettin' round. " And he took his plantin' bag and went out. And then shejawed me for upholdin' him. 

And sez she, as she broke open a biscuit and spread it with butterprevious to eatin' it, sez she, "I should think _respect_, respect forthe great and fearful thought of meetin' the Lord, would scare you outof the idea of goin' on with your work. "

Sez I calmly, "Does it scare you, Trueman's wife?"

"Wall, not exactly scare, " sez she, "but lift up, lift up far abovebread and other kitchen work. "

And again she buttered a large slice, and I sez calmly, "I don't s'pozeI should be any nearer the Lord than I am now. He sez He dwells insideof our hearts, and I don't see how He could get any nearer to us thanthat. And anyway, what I said to you I keep a-sayin', that I think Hewould approve of my goin' on calm and stiddy, a-doin' my best for theones He put in my charge here below, my husband, my children, and mygrandchildren. " (I some expected Tirzah Ann and the babe home that dayto dinner. )

"Wall, you feel very diffrent from some wimmen that wuz to theschool-house last night, and act very diffrent. They are good Christianfemales. It is a pity you wuzn't there. P'raps your hard heart wouldhave melted, and you would have had thoughts this mornin' that wouldsoar up above riz biscuit. "

And as she sez this she begun on her third biscuit, and poured outanother cup of coffee. And I, wantin' to use her well, sez, "What didthey do there?"

"Do!" sez she, "why, it wuz the most glorious meetin' we ever had. Threewimmen lay at one time perfectly speechless with the power. And some ofem' screemed so you could hear 'em fer half a mile. "

I kep on a-mouldin' my bread out into biscuit (good shaped ones, too, ifI do say it), and sez calmly, "Wall, I never wuz much of a screemer. Ihave always believed in layin' holt of the duty next to you, and doin'_some_ things, things He has _commanded_. Everybody to their own way. I don't condemn yourn, but I have always seemed to believe more in thesolid, practical parts of religion, than the ornimental. I have alwaysbelieved more in the power of honesty, truth, and justice, than in thepower they sometimes have at camp and other meetins. Howsumever, " sez I, "I don't say but what that power is powerful, to the ones that have it, only I wuz merely observin' that it never wuz _my_ way to lay speechlessor holler much--not that I consider hollerin' wrong, if you holler fromprinciple, but I never seemed to have a call to. "

"You would be far better if you did, " sez Trueman's wife, "far better. But you hain't good enough. "

"Oh!" sez I, reasonably, "I could holler if I wanted to, but the Lordhain't deef. He sez specilly, that He hain't, and so I never could seethe _use_ in hollerin' to Him. And I never could see the use of tellin'Him in public so many things as some do. Why He _knows_ it. He _knows_all these things. He don't need to have you try to enlighten Him as ifyou wuz His gardeen--as I have heard folks do time and time agin. He_knows_ what we are, what we need. I am glad, Trueman's wife, " sez I, "that He can look right down into our hearts, that He is right there in'em a-knowin' all about us, all our wants, our joys, our despairs, ourtemptations, our resolves, our weakness, our blindness, our defects, ourregrets, our remorse, our deepest hopes, our inspiration, our triumphs, our glorys. But when He _is_ right there, in the midst of our soul, ourlife, why, _why_ should we kneel down in public and holler at Him?"

"You would be glad to if you wuz good enough, " sez she; "if you hadattained unto a state of perfection, you would feel like it. "

That kinder riled me up, and I sez, "Wall, I have lived in this housewith them that wuz perfect, and that is bad enough for me, without bein'one of 'em myself. For more disagreeable creeters, " sez I, a prickin' mybiscuit with a fork, "more disagreeable creeters I never laid eyes on. "

Trueman's wife thinks she is perfect, she has told me so time andagin--thinks she hain't done anything wrong in upwards of a number ofyears. 

But she didn't say nothin' to this, only begun agin about the wickednessand immorality of my makin' riz biscuit that mornin', and the deepdisgrace of Josiah Allen keepin' on with his work. 

But before I could speak up and take his part, for I _will_ not hear mycompanion found fault with by any female but myself, she had gathered upher robe, and swept upstairs with it, leavin' orders for a flatiron tobe sent up. 

Wall, the believers wuz all a-goin' to meet at the Risley school-housethat afternoon. They wuz about 40 of 'em, men and wimmen. And I toldJosiah at noon, I believed I would go down to the school-house to themeetin'. And he a-feelin', I mistrust, that if they should happen to bein the right on't, and the world should come to a end, he wanted to beby the side of his beloved pardner, he offered to go too. But he neverhad no robe, no, nor never thought of havin'. 

The Risley school-house stood in a clearin', and had tall stumps roundit in the door-yard. And we had heard that some of the believers wuzgoin' to get up on them stumps, so's to start off from there. And sureenough, we found it wuz the calculation of some on 'em. 

The school-boys had made steps up the sides of some of the biggeststumps, and lots of times in political meetin's men had riz up on 'em totalk to the masses below. Why I s'poze a crowd of as many as 45 or 48, had assembled there at one time durin' the heat of the campain. 

But them politicians had on their usual run of clothes, they didn't haveon white book muslin robes. Good land!

CHAPTER XVI. 

Wall, lots of folks had assembled to the school-house when we got there, about 3 o'clock P. M. --afternoon. Believers, and world's people, alla-settin' round on seats and stumps, for the school-house wuz small andwarm, and it wuz pleasanter out-doors. 

We had only been there a few minutes when Mother Charnick and Jenettewalked in. Joe had been there for sometime, and he and the Widder Poolwuz a-settin' together readin' a him out of one book. Jenette lookedkinder mauger, and Trueman's wife looked haughtily at her, from over thetop of the him book. 

Mother Charnick had a woosted work-bag on her arm. There might have beena night gown in it, and there might not. It wuz big enough to hold one, and it looked sort o' bulgy. But it wuz never known--Miss Charnick is asmart woman. It never wuz known what she had in the bag. 

Wall, the believers struck up a him, and sung it through--as mournful, skairful sort of a him as I ever hearn in my hull life; and it swelledout and riz up over the pine trees in a wailin', melancholy sort of away, and wierd--dretful wierd. 

And then a sort of a lurid, wild-looking chap, a minister, got up andpreached the wildest and luridest discourse I ever hearn in my hulldays. It wuz enough to scare a snipe. The very strongest and toughestmen there turned pale, and wimmen cried and wept on every side of me, and wept and cried. 

I, myself, didn't weep. But I drawed nearer to my companion, and kinderleaned up against him, and looked off on the calm blue heavens, theserene landscape, and the shinin' blue lake fur away, and thought--jestas true as I live and breathe, I thought that I didn't care much, if Godwilled it to be so, that my Josiah and I should go side by side, thatvery day and minute, out of the certainties of this life into themysteries of the other, out of the mysteries of this life intothe certainties of the other. 

[Illustration: "A SORT OF A LURID, WILD-LOOKING CHAP. "]

For, thinks I to myself, we have got to go into that other world prettysoon, Josiah and me have. And if we went in the usual way, we had got togo alone, each on us. Terrible thought! We who had been together undershine and shade, in joy and sorrow. Our two hands that had joined at thealter, and had clung so clost together ever sence, had got to leggo ofeach other down there in front of the dark gateway. Solemn gateway! Sobig that the hull world must pass through it--and yet so small that thehull world has got to go through it alone, one at a time. 

My Josiah would have to stand outside and let me go down under the dark, mysterious arches, alone--and he knows jest how I hate to go anywherealone, or else I would have to stop at the gate and bid him good-by. Andno matter how much we knocked at the gate, or how many tears we shedonto it, we couldn't get through till our time come, we had _got_ to beparted. 

And now if we went on this clear June day through the crystal gateway ofthe bendin' heavens--we two would be together for weal or for woe. Andon whatever new, strange landscape we would have to look on, or wanderthrough, he would be right by me. Whatever strange inhabitants thecelestial country held, he would face 'em with me. Close, close by myside, he would go with me through that blue, lovely gateway of the softJune skies into the City of the King. And it wuz a sweet thought to me. 

Not that I really _wanted_ the world to come to a end that day. No, I kinder wanted to live along for some time, for several reasons: Mypardner, the babe, the children, etc. ; and then I kinder like to livefor the _sake_ of livin'. I enjoy it. 

But I can say, and say with truth, and solemnity, that the idee didn'tscare me none. And as my companion looked down in my face as the timeapproached, I could see the same thoughts that wuz writ in my eyesa-shinin' in his'n. 

Wall, as the pinter approached the hour, the excitement grew nearly, ifnot quite rampant. The believers threw their white robes on over theirdresses and coats, and as the pinter slowly moved round from half-pastthree to quarter to 4--and so on--they shouted, they sung, they prayed, they shook each other's hands--they wuz fairly crazed with excitementand fervor, which they called religion--for they wuz in earnest, nobodycould dispute that. 

Joe and Miss Pool kinder hung together all this time--though I ketchedhim givin' several wistful looks at Jenette, as much as to say, "Oh, howI hate to leave you, Jenette!"

But Miss Pool would roust him up agin, and he would shout and sing withthe frienziedest and most zealousest of 'em. 

Mother Charnick stood with her bag in her hand, and the other hand onthe puckerin' string. I don't say what she had in the bag, but I do saythis, that she had it fixed so's she could have ondone it in a secont'stime. And her eyes wuz intent on the heavens overhead. But they kepcalm and serene and cloudless, nothin' to be seen there--no sign, nochange--and Ma Charnick kep still and didn't draw the puckerin' string. 

But oh, how excitement reined and grew rampant around that school-house!Miss Pool and Joe seemin' to outdo all the rest (she always did try to), till at last, jest as the pinter swung round to the very minute, Joe, more than half by the side of himself, with the excitement he had beenin for a week, and bein' urged onto it by Miss Pool, as he sez to thisday, he jumped up onto the tall stump he had been a standin' by, andstood there in his long white robe, lookin' like a spook, if anybody hadbeen calm enough to notice it, and he sung out in a clear voice--hisvoice always did have a good honest ring to it:

 Farewell my friends, Farewell my foes; Up to Heaven Joe Charnick goes. 

And jest as the clock struck, and they all shouted and screamed, hewaved his arms, with their two great white wings a-flutterin', andsprung upwards, expectin' the hull world, livin' and dead, would follerhim--and go right up into the heavens. 

And Trueman's wife bein' right by the stump, waved her wings and jumpedtoo--jest the same direction es he jumped. But she only stood on a campchair, and when she fell, she didn't crack no bones, it only jarred herdretfully, and hurt her across the small of her back, to that extentthat I kep bread and milk poultices on day and night for three weeks, and lobelia and catnip, half and half; she a-arguin' at me every singlepoultice I put on that it wuzn't her way of makin' poultices, nor herway of applyin' of 'em. 

[Illustration: "FAREWELL MY FRIENDS, FAREWELL MY FOES. "]

I told her I didn't know of any other way of applyin' 'em to her back, only to put 'em on it. But she insisted to the last that I didn't apply'em right, and I didn't crumble the bread into the milk right, and thelobelia wuzn't picked right, nor the catnip. 

Not one word did she ever speak about the end of the world--not aword--but a-naggin' about everything else. 

Wall, I healed her after a time, and glad enough wuz I to see herhealed, and started off. 

But Joe Charnick suffered worse and longer. He broke his limb in twoplaces and cracked his rib. The bones of his arm wuz a good whilea-healin', and before they wuz healed he was wounded in a new place. 

He jest fell over head and ears in love with Jenette Finster. For bein'shet up to home with his mother and her (his mother wouldn't hear toJenette leavin' her for a minute) he jest seemed to come to a fullrealizin' sense of her sweet natur' and bright, obleegin' ways; and hisold affection for her bloomed out into the deepest and most idolatrouslove--Joe never could be megum. 

Jenette, and good enough for him, held him off for quite a spell--butwhen he got cold and relapsted, and they thought he wuz goin' to die, then she owned up to him that she worshipped him--and always had. 

And from that day he gained. Mother Charnick wuz tickled most to deathat the idea of havin' Jenette for her own girl--she thinks her eyes onher, and so does Jenette of her. So it wuz agreeable as anything everwuz all around, if not agreeabler. 

Jest as quick as she got well enough to walk, and before he got out ofhis bed, Trueman's wife walked over to see Joe. And Joe's mother hatin'her so, wouldn't let her step her foot into the house. And Joe wuz gladon't, so they say. 

Mother Charnick wuz out on the stoop in front of the house, whenTrueman's wife got there, and told her that they had to keep the housestill; that is, they say so, I don't know for certain, but they say thatMa Charnick offered to take Trueman's wife out to see her chickens, theones she had brought up by hand, and Trueman's wife wantin' to pleaseher, so's to get in, consented. And Miss Charnick showed her the hull 14of 'em, all fat and flourishing--they wuz well took care of. And MissCharnick looked down on 'em fondly, and sez:

"I lay out to have a good chicken pie the day that Joe and Jenette aremarried. "

[Illustration: "I LAY OUT TO HAVE A GOOD CHICKEN PIE THE DAY THAT JOEAND JENETTE ARE MARRIED. "]

"Married!" sez Trueman's wife, in faint and horrified axcents. "Yes, they are goin' to be married jest as soon as my son gets well enough. Jenette is fixin' a new dress for me to wear to the weddin'--with abask, " sez she with emphasis. And es she said it, they say she stoopeddown and gathered some sprigs of thoroughwert, a-mentionin' how muchstore she set by it for sickness. 

But if she did, Trueman's wife didn't sense it, she wuz dumbfounderedand sot back by the news. And she left my home and board the week beforethe weddin'. 

They had been married about a year, when Jenette wuz herea-visitin'--and she asked me in confidence (and it _must_ be kep, itstands lo reason it must), "if I s'posed that book muslin robe wouldmake two little dresses?"

And I told her, "Good land! yes, three on 'em, " and it did. 

She dresses the child beautiful, and I don't know whether she wouldwant the neighbors to know jest what and when and where she gets thematerials--

It looks some like her and some like Joe--and they both think their eyeson it--but old Miss Charnick worships it--Wall, though es I said (and Ihave eppisoded to a extent that is almost onprecidented and onheard on). 

Though Josiah Allen made a excuse of borrowin' a plow (a _plow_, thattime of night) to get away from my arguments on the Conference, andSubmit's kinder skairt face, and so forth, and so on--

He resumed the conversation the next mornin' with more energy than ever. (He never said nuthin' about the plow, and I never see no sign on it, and don't believe he got it, or wanted it. )

He resumed the subject, and kep on a-resumin' of it from day to day andfrom hour to hour. 

He would nearly exhaust the subject at home, and then he would tacklethe wimmen on it at the Methodist Meetin' House, while we Methodistwimmen wuz to work. 

After leavin' me to the meetin' house, Josiah would go on to thepost-office for his daily _World_, and then he would stop on his wayback to give us female wimmen the latest news from the Conference, andgive us his idees on't. 

[Illustration: "HE NEVER HAD TIME TO HELP. "]

And sometimes he would fairly harrow us to the very bone, with hisdretful imaginins and fears that wimmen would be allowed to overdoherself, and ruin her health, and strain her mind, by bein' permitted toset!

Why Submit Tewksbury, and some of the other weaker sisters, would lookfairly wild-eyed for some time after he would go. 

He never could stay long. Sometimes we would beset him to stay and dosome little job for us, to help us along with our work, such as liftin'somethin' or movin' some bench, or the pulpit, or somethin'. 

But he never had the time; he always had to hasten home to get to work. He wuz in a great hurry with his spring's work, and full of care aboutthat buzz saw mill. 

And that wuz how it wuz with every man in the meetin' house that wuzable to work any. They wuz all in a hurry with their spring's work, andtheir buzz saws, and their inventions, and their agencys, etc. , etc. , etc. 

And that wuz the reason why we wimmen wuz havin' such a hard job on themeetin' house. 

CHAPTER XVII. 

You see the way on't wuz: we had to do sumthin' to raise the minister'ssalary, which wuz most half a year behindhand, to say nothin' of theensuin' year a-comin'. And as I have hinted at before but hain't gi'npetickulers, the men in the meetin' house had all gi'n out, and saidthey had gi'n every cent they could, and they couldn't and they wouldn'tdo any more, any way. 

As I have said more formally, there wuz a hardness arozen amongst themale brethern. 

Deacon Peedick thought he had gi'n more than his part in proportion, andcome right out plain and said so. 

And Deacon Bobbet said "he wuzn't the man to stand it to be told rightto his face that he hadn't done his share, " and he said "he wuzn't theman either, to be hinted at from the pulpit about things. " I don'tbelieve he wuz hinted at, and Sister Bobbet don't And she felt likedeath to have him so riz up in his mind, and act so. I know what thetex' wuz; it wuz these words:

"The Lord loveth a cheerful giver. "

The minister didn't mean nothin' only pure gospel, when he preachedabout it. But it proved to be a tight-breasted, close-fittin' coatto several of the male brothers, and it fitted 'em so well it fairlypinched 'em. 

But there it wuz, Deacon Bobbet wouldn't gi'n a cent towards raisin' themoney. And there wuz them that said, and stuck to it, that he said "hewouldn't give a _darn_ cent. "

But I don't know as that is so. I wouldn't want to be the one that saidthat he had demeaned himself to that extent. 

Wall, he wouldn't give a cent, and Peedick wouldn't give, and DeaconHenzy and Deacon Sypher wouldn't. They said that there wuz certainmembers of the meetin' house that had said to certain people suthin'slightin' about buzz saws. 

I myself thought then, and think still, that the subject of buzz sawshad a great deal to do in makin' 'em act so riz up and excited. Ibelieve the subject rasped 'em, and made 'em nervous. But when thesevarious hardnesses aroze amongst some of the brethern, the rest of themen kinder joined in with 'em, some on one side, and some on the other, and they all baulked right out of the harness. (Allegory. ) And there theminister wuz, good old creeter, jest a-sufferin' for the necessities oflife, and most half a year's salery due. 

I tell you it looked dark. The men all said they couldn't see no way outof the trouble, and some of the wimmen felt about so. And old Miss Henn, one of our most able sisters, she had gi'n out, she wuz as mad as herown sirname about how her Metilda had been used. 

The meetin' house had just hauled her up for levity. And I thought then, and think now, that the meetin' house wuz too hard on Metilda Henn. 

She did titter right out in protracted meetin', Sister Henn don't denyit, and she felt dretful bad about it, and so did I. But Metilda said, and stuck to it, that she couldn't have helped laughin' if it had beento save her life. And though I realized the awfulness of it, still, whensome of the brethern wuz goin' on dretful about it, I sez to 'em:

"The Bible sez there is a time to laugh, and I don't know when that is, unless it is when you can't help it. "

What she wuz a-laughin' at wuz this:

There wuz a widder woman by the name of Nancy Lum that always come toevenin' meetin's. 

She wuz very tall and humbly, and she had been on the look out (so itwuz s'pozed) for a 3d husband for some time. 

She had always made a practice of saying one thing over and over to allthe protracted and Conference meetin's, and she would always bust outa-cryin' before she got it all out. 

She always said "she wanted to be found always at the foot of theCross. "

She would always begin this remark dretful kinder loud and hysterical, and then would dwindle down kinder low at the end on't, and bustin' outinto tears somewhere through it from first to last. 

But this evenin' suthin' had occurred to make her more hysterical andmelted down than usial. Some say it wuz because Deacon Henshaw wuzpresent for the first time after his wive's death. 

But any way, she riz up lookin' awful tall and humbly--she was most ahead taller than any man there--and she sez out loud and strong:

"I want to be found--"

And then she busted right out a-cryin' hard. And she sobbed for sometime. And then she begun agin, "I want to be found--"

And then she busted out agin. 

And so it went on for some time--she a-tellin' out ever and anon loudand firm, "that she wanted to be found--" and then bustin' into tears. 

Till finally Deacon Henshaw (some mistrust that he is on the point ofgettin' after her, and he always leads the singin' any way) he struckright out onto the him--

 "Oh, that will be joyful!"

And Sister Lum sot down. 

Wall, that wuz what made Metilda Henn titter. And that was what made mebring forward that verse of scripter. That the Bible said "'there wuz atime to laugh, ' and I didn't know when it wuz unless it wuz when youcouldn't help it--"

But I didn't say it to uphold Metilda--no, indeed. I only said itbecause they wuz so bitter on her, and laid the rules of the meetin'house down on her so heavy. 

But Josiah said, "What would become of the meetin' house if it didn'tpunish its unruly members?"

And I sez to Josiah, "Do you remember the case of Deacon Widrig over inLoontown. He wuz rich and influential, and when he wuz complained of, and the meetin' house sot on him, they sot light, and you know it, Josiah Allen. And he was kep in the church, the meen old creeter. AndMiss Henn is a widder and poor. "

"Yes, " sez Josiah, calmly, "she hain't been able to help the meetin'house much, and Brother Widrig contributes largely. "

Sez I, in a fearful meanin' axent, "I hearn he did at the time he wuzup--I hearn he contributed _lots_ to the male brethren who was a-judgin'him--but, " sez I, "do you spoze, Josiah Allen, that if wimmen wuzallowed their way in the matter, that that man would be allowed to stayin the meetin' house, and keep on a-makin' and a-sellin' the poisen thatis sendin' men to ruin all round him--

"Makin' his hard cider by the barell and hogset and fixin' it some wayso it will make a far worse drunk than whiskey, and then supplyin' everylow saloon fur and near with it, and peddlin' it out to every man andboy that wants it. 

"And boys think they can drink cider without doin' any harm--so he jestentices 'em down into the road to ruin--doin' as much agin harm as awhiskey seller. 

"And mothers have to set still and see it go on. It is men that arealways appinted to deal with sinners, male or female. Men are judged bytheir peers, but wimmen never are. 

"I wonder if that is just? I wonder how Deacon Widrig would have likedit to have had Miss Henn set on him? He wuz dretful excited, so I hearn, about Metilda's case--thought it wuz highly incumbient on the meetin'house to have her made a example of, so's to try to abolish such wickeddoin's as snickerin' out in meetin'. 

[Illustration: "SUPPLYIN' EVERY LOW SALOON FUR AND NEAR. "]

"I wonder how he would have liked it to have had Charley Lanfear'smother set on him? She is a Sister in the meetin' house and Charley isa ruined boy--and Deacon Widrig is jest as much the cause of his ruin--jest as guilty of murderin' all that wuz sweet and lovely in him es ifhe had fed arsenic to him with a teaspoon. "

Sez I, "In that very meetin' house to Loontown, there are mothers whohave to set and take the bread and wine tokens of the blood and body oftheir crucified Redeemer from a man's hands that they know are redwith the blood of their own sons. Fur redder than human blood anddeeper-stained with the ruin of their immortal souls. 

"What thoughts does these mothers keep on a-thinkin' as they set thereand see a man guilty of worse than murder set up as a example to otheryoung souls? What thoughts do they keep on a-thinkin' of the younghearts that wuz pure before this man laid holt of 'em. Young eyes thatwuz true and tender till this man made 'em look on his accursed drink. Young lips that smiled on their mothers till he gin 'em that thatchanged the smiles to curses?

"Would a delegation of wimmen keep such a man in the meetin' house if hepaved the hull floor with fine gold? No, you know they wouldn't. Let ajury of mothers set on such a man, and see if he could get up agin veryeasy. 

"They are the ones who have suffered by him, who have agonized, who wentdown into deeper than the Valley of Death led by his hand. They wentdown into that depth where they lose their boy. Lose him eternally. 

"Death, jest death, would give 'em a chance to meet their child again. But what hope does a mother have when down in the darkness that hasno mornin', her boy tears his hand from her weak grasp and plungesdownward?

"How does such a mother feel as she sets there in a still meetin' house, and the man who has done all this passes her the emblems of a deathlesslove, a divine purity?"

Josiah sat demute and, didn't say nuthin', and I went on, for I wuz veryroze up in my mind, and by the side of myself with emotions. 

And sez I, "Take the case of Simeon Lathers. Why wuz it that SisterIrene Filkins wuz turned out of the meetin' house and the man who wuzthe first cause of her goin' astray kep in--the handsome, smooth-faced hypocrite?--it wuz because he wuz rich as a Jew, and jestplastered over the consciences of them that tried him with his finespeeches and his money. "

[Illustration: "JOSIAH LOOKED UP AND SEZ, 'HOW A STEEPLE WOULD LOOKA-PINTIN' DOWN'"]

"Fixed over the meetin' house there in Zoar, built a new steeple, atowerin' one. If wimmen had had their way, that steeple would havepinted the other way. "

Josiah looked up from Ayers' Almanac, which he wuz calmly perusin', andsez he, "How a steeple would look a-pintin' down!"

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Josiah's face wuz smooth and placid, he hadn't took a mite of sense ofwhat I had been a-sayin', and I knew it. Men don't. They know at themost it is only _talk_, wimmen hain't got it in their power to _do_anything. And I s'pose they reason on it in this way--a little windstorm is soon over, it relieves old Natur and don't hurt anything. 

Yes, my pardner's face wuz as calm as the figger on the outside of thealmanac a-holdin' the bottle, and his axent wuz mildly wonderin' andgently sarcestickle. 

"How a steeple would look a-pintin' down! That is a true woman's idee. "

[Illustration: SISTER FILKINS. ]

Sez I, "I would have it a-pintin' down towards the depths of darknessthat wuz in that man's heart that roze it up, and the infamy of the deedthat kep him in the meetin' house and turned his victim out of it. "

"I d'no as she wuz his victim, " sez Josiah. 

Sez I, "Every one knows that in the first place Simeon Lathers wuz theman that led her astray. "

"It wuzn't proved, " sez Josiah, a-turnin' the almanac over and lookin'at the advertisement on the back side on't. 

"And why wuzn't it proved?" sez I, "because he held a big piece of goldagainst the mouths of the witnesses. "

"I didn't see any in front of my mouth, " sez Josiah, lookin' 'shamed butsome composed. 

"And you know what the story wuz, " sez he, "accordin' to that, he did itall to try her faith. "

I wouldn't encourage Josiah by even smilin' at his words, though I knewwell what the story wuz he referred to. 

It wuz at a Conference meetin', when Simeon Lathers wuz jest a-beginnin'to take notice of how pretty Irene Filkins wuz. 

She had gone forward to the anxious seat, with some other young females, their minds bein' wrought on, so it wuz spozed, by Deacon Lathers'seloquent exhortations, and urgin's to 'em to come forward and be saved. 

And they had gone up onto the anxious seat a-sheddin' tears, and theyall knelt down there, and Deacon Lathers he went right up and knelt downright by Sister Irene Filkins, and them that wuz there say, that rightwhile he wuz a-prayin' loud and strong for 'em all, and her specially, he put his arm round her and acted in such a way that she resented itbitterly. 

She wuz a good, virtuous girl then, any way. 

And she resented his overtoors in such a indignant and decided way thatit drawed the attention of a hull lot of brothers and sisters towards'em. 

And Deacon Lathers got right up from his knees and sez, "Bretheren andsisters, let us sing these lines:

 "He did it all to try her faith. "

I remembered this story, but I wuzn't goin' to encourage Josiah Allenby lettin' my attention be drawed off by any anectotes--nor I didn'tsmile--oh, no I But I went right on with a hull lot of burnin'indignatin in my axents, and sez I, "Josiah Allen, can you look me inthe face and say that it wuzn't money and bad men's influence that keepsuch men as Deacon Widrig and Simeon Lathers in the meetin' house?" SezI, "If they wuz poor men would they have been kep', or if it wuzn't forthe influence of men that like hard drink?"

"Wall, as it were, " sez Josiah, "I--that is--wall, it is a-gettin'bed-time, Samantha. "

And he wound up the clock and went to bed. 

And I set there, all rousted up in my mind, for more'n a hour--and Idropped more'n seven stitches in Josiah's heel, and didn't care if Idid. 

But I have episoded fearfully, and to resoom and go on. 

Miss Henn wuz mad, and she wuz one of our most enterprizen' sisters, andwe felt that she wuz a great loss. 

Things looked dretful dark. And Sister Bobbet, who is very tenderhearted, shed tears several times a-talkin' about the hard times thathad come onto our meetin' house, and how Zion wuz a-languishin', etc. , etc. 

And I told Sister Bobbet in confidence, and also in public, that it wuztime to talk about Zion's languishin' when we had done all we could tohelp her up. And I didn't believe Zion would languish so much if she hada little help gin her when she needed it. 

And Miss Bobbet said "she felt jest so about it, but she couldn't helpbein' cast down. " And so most all of the sisters said. Submit Tewksburywept, and shed tears time and agin, a-talkin' about it, and so severalof 'em did. But I sez to 'em--

"Good land!" sez I. "We have seen jest as hard times in the Methodistmeetin' house before, time and agin, and we wimmen have always laid holtand worked, and laid plans, and worked, and worked, and with the Lord'shelp have sailed the old ship Zion through the dark waters into safety, and we can do it agin. "

Though what we wuz to do we knew not, and the few male men who didn'tjine in the hardness, said they couldn't see no way out of it, but whatthe minister would have to go, and the meetin' house be shet up for aspell. 

But we female wimmen felt that we could not have it so any way. And wejined together, and met in each other's housen (not publickly, oh no! weknew our places too well as Methodist Sisters). 

We didn't make no move in public, but we kinder met round to eachother's housen, sort o' private like, and talked, and talked, andprayed--we all knew that wuzn't aginst the church rules, so we jestrastled in prayer, for help to pay our honest debts, and keep theMethodist meetin' house from disgrace, for the men wuz that worked upand madded, that they didn't seem to care whether the meetin' house cometo nothin' or not. 

Wall, after settin' day after day (not public settin', oh, no! we knewour places too well, and wouldn't be ketched a-settin' public till wehad a right to). 

After settin' and talkin' it over back and forth, we concluded the verybest thing we could do wuz to give a big fair and try to sell thingsenough to raise some money. 

It wuz a fearful tuff job we had took onto ourselves, for we had got tomake all the things to sell out of what we could get holt of, for, ofcourse, our husbands all kep the money purses in their own hands, asthe way of male pardners is. But we laid out to beset 'em when they wuzcleverer than common (owin' to extra good vittles) and get enough moneyout of 'em to buy the materials to work with, bedquilts (crazy, andotherwise), embroidered towels, shawl straps, knit socks and suspenders, rugs, chair covers, lap robes, etc. , etc. , etc. 

It wuz a tremendus hard undertakin' we had took onto ourselves, with allour spring's work on hand, and not one of us Sisters kep a hired girlat the time, and we had to do our own house cleanin', paintin' floors, makin' soap, spring sewin', etc. , besides our common housework. 

But the very worst on't wuz the meetin' house wuz in such a shape thatwe couldn't do a thing till that wuz fixed. 

The men had undertook to fix over the meetin' house jest before thehardness commenced. The men and wimmen both had labored side by side tofix up the old house a little. 

The men had said that in such church work as that wimmen had a perfectright to help, to stand side by side with the male brothers, and dohalf, or more than half, or even _all_ the work. They said it wuzn'taginst the Discipline, and all the Bishops wuz in favor of it, andalways had been. They said it wuz right accordin' to the Articles. Butwhen it come to the hard and arjuous duties of drawin' salleries with'em, or settin' up on Conferences with 'em, why there a line had tobe drawed, wimmen must not be permitted to strain herself in no suchways--nor resk the tender delicacy of her nature, by settin' in ameetin' house as a delegate by the side of a man once a year. It wuz tooresky. But we could lay holt and work with 'em in public, or in private, which we felt wuz indeed a privelege, for the interests of the Methodistmeetin' house wuz dear to our hearts, and so wuz our pardners'approvals--and they wuz all on 'em unanimus on this pint--we could_work_ all we wanted to. 

So we had laid holt and worked right along with the men from day to day, with their full and free consents, and a little help from 'em, till wehad got the work partly done. We had got the little Sabbath-school roompainted and papered, and the cushions of the main room new covered, andwe had engaged to have it frescoed, but the frescoer had turned out tobe a perfect fraud, and, of all the lookin' things, that meetin' housewuz about the worst. The plaster, or whatever it wuz he had put on, hadto be all scraped off before it could be papered, the paper wuz bought, and the scrapin' had begun. 

[Illustration: "APPEARIN' IN PUBLIC. "]

The young male and female church members had give a public concerttogether, and raised enough money to get the paper--it wuz very nice, and fifty cents a roll (double roll). These young females appearin' inpublic for this purpose wuz very agreeable to the hull meetin' house, and wuz right accordin' to the rules of the Methodist Meetin' House, forI remember I asked about it when the question first come up aboutsendin' female delegates to the Conference, and all the male members ofour meetin' house wuz so horrified at the idee. 

I sez, "I'll bet there wouldn't one of the delegates yell half so loudes she that wuz Mahala Gowdey at the concert. Her voice is a sulferinoof the very keenest edge and highest tone, and she puts in sights andsights of quavers. "

But they all said that wuz a _very_ different thing. 

And sez I, "How different? She wuz a yellin' in public for the goodof the Methodist Meetin' House (it wuz her voice that drawed the bigcongregatin, we all know). And them wimmen delegates would only have to'yea' and 'nay' in a still small voice for the good of the same. I can'tsee why it would be so much more indelicate and unbecomin' in them"--andsez I, "they would have bonnets and shawls on, and she that wuz Mahalahad on a low neck and short sleeves. " But they wouldn't yield, and Iwouldn't nuther. 

But I am a eppisodin fearful, and to resoom. Wall, as I said, thescrapin' had begun. One side of the room wuz partly cleaned so the papercould go on, and then the fuss come up, and there it wuz, as you maysay, neither hay nor grass, neither frescoed nor papered nor nuthin'. And of all the lookin' sights it wuz. 

Wall, of course, if we had a fair in that meetin' house, we couldn'thave it in such a lookin' place to disgrace us in the eyes of Baptistsand 'Piscopals. 

No, that meetin' house had got to be scraped, and we wimmen had got todo the scrapin' with case knives. 

It wuz a hard job. I couldn't help thinkin' quite a number of thoughtsas I stood on a barell with a board acrost it, afraid as death offallin' and a workin' for dear life, and the other female sisters astandin' round on similar barells, all a-workin' fur beyond theirstrengths, and all afraid of fallin', and we all a-knowin' what we hadgot ahead on us a paperin' and a gettin' up the fair. 

CHAPTER XIX. 

Couldn't help a-methinkin' to myself several times. It duz seem to methat there hain't a question a-comin' up before that Conference thatis harder to tackle than this plasterin' and the conundrum that is upbefore us Jonesville wimmen how to raise 300 dollars out of nuthin', andto make peace in a meetin' house where anarky is now rainin' down. 

But I only thought these thoughts to myself, fur I knew every womenthere wuz peacible and law abidin' and there wuzn't one of 'em butwhat would ruther fall offen her barell then go agin the rules of theMethodist Meetin' House. 

Yes, I tried to curb down my rebellous thoughts, and did, pretty muchall the time. And good land! we worked so hard that we hadn't timeto tackle very curius and peculier thoughts, them that wuz dretfulstrainin' and wearin' on the mind. Not of our own accord we didn't, furwe had to jest nip in and work the hull durin' time. 

[Illustration: "EVERY NIGHT JOSIAH WOULD TACKLE ME ON IT. "]

And then we all knew how deathly opposed our pardners wuz to our takin'any public part in meetin' house matters or mountin' rostrums, and thatthought quelled us down a sight. 

Of course when these subjects wuz brung up before us, and turned roundand round in front of our eyes, why we had to look at 'em and be roustedup by 'em more or less. It was Nater. 

And Josiah not havin' anything to do evenin's only to set and look atthe ceilin'. Every single night when I would go home from the meetin'house, Josiah would tackle me on it, on the danger of allowin' wimmento ventur out of her spear in Meetin' House matters, and specially theConference. 

It begin to set in New York the very day we tackled the meetin' inJonesville with a extra grip. 

So's I can truly say, the Meetin' House wuz on me day and night. Forworkin' on it es I did, all day long, and Josiah a-talkin' abut it tillbed time, and I a-dreamin' abut it a sight, that, and the Conference. 

Truly, if I couldn't set on the Conference, the Conference sot on me, from mornin' till night, and from night till mornin'. 

I spoze it wuz Josiah's skairful talk that brung it onto me, it wuzbrung on nite mairs mostly, in the nite time. 

He would talk _very_ skairful, and what he called deep, and repeat pagesof Casper Keeler's arguments, and they would appear to me (drawed alsoby nite mairs) every page on 'em lookin' fairly lurid. 

I suffered. 

Josiah would set with the _World_ and other papers in his hand, a-perusin' of 'em, while I would be a-washin' up my dishes, and the veryminute I would get 'em done and my sleeves rolled down, he would tackleme, and often he wouldn't wait for me to get my work done up, or evensupper got, but would begin on me as I filled up my tea kettle, and keepup a stiddy drizzle of argument till bed time, and as I say, when heleft off, the nite mairs would begin. 

I suffered beyond tellin' almost. 

The secont night of my arjuous labors on the meetin' house, he beganwild and eloquent about wimmen bein' on Conferences, and mountin'rostrums. And sez he, "That is suthin' that we Methodist men can'tstand. "

[Illustration: "IS ROSTRUMS MUCH HIGHER THAN THEM BARELLS TO STAND ON?"]

And I, havin' stood up on a barell all day a-scrapin' the ceilin', andnot bein' recuperated yet from the skairtness and dizziness of my day'swork, I sez to him:

"Is rostrums much higher than them barells we have to stand on to themeetin' house?"

And Josiah said, "it wuz suthin' altogether different. " And he assuredme agin, "That in any modest, unpretendin' way the Methodist Church wuz willin'to accept wimmen's work. It wuzn't aginst the Discipline. And that iswhy, " sez he, "that wimmen have all through the ages been allowed to domost all the hard work in the church--such as raisin' money for churchwork--earnin' money in all sorts of ways to carry on the different kindsof charity work connected with it--teachin' the children, nursin' thesick, carryin' on hospital work, etc. , etc. But, " sez he, "this isfur, fur different from gettin' up on a rostrum, or tryin' to set on aConference. Why, " sez he, in a haughty tone, "I should think they'd knowwithout havin' to be told that laymen don't mean women. "

Sez I, "Them very laymen that are tryin' to keep wimmen out of theConference wouldn't have got in themselves if it hadn't been forwimmen's votes. If they can legally vote for men to get in why can't menvote for them?"

"That is the pint, " sez Josiah, "that is the very pint I have beentryin' to explain to you. Wimmen can help men to office, but men can'thelp wimmen; that is law, that is statesmanship. I have been a-tryin' toexplain it to you that the word laymen _always_ means woman when she canhelp men in any way, but _not_ when he can help her, or in any othersense. "

Sez I, "It seemed to mean wimmen when Metilda Henn wuz turned out of themeetin' house. "

"Oh, yes, " sez Josiah in a reasonin' tone, "the word laymen always meanswimmen when it is used in a punishin' and condemnatory sense, or in thecase of work and so fourth, but when it comes to settin' up in highplaces, or drawin' sallerys, or anything else difficult, it alweys meansmen. "

Sez I, in a very dry axent, "Then the word man, when it is used inchurch matters, always means wimmen, so fur as scrubbin' is concerned, and drowdgin' round?"

"Yes, " sez Josiah haughtily, "And it always means men in the higher andmore difficult matters of decidin' questions, drawin' sallerys, settin'on Conferences, etc. It has long been settled to be so, " sez he. 

"Who settled it?" sez I. 

"Why the men, of course, " sez he. "The men have always made the rulesof the churches, and translated the Bibles, and everything else that isdifficult, " sez he. Sez I, in fearful dry axents, almost husky ones, "Itseems to take quite a knack to know jest when the word laymen means menand when it means wimmen. "

"That is so, " sez Josiah. "It takes a man's mind to grapple with it;wimmen's minds are too weak to tackle it It is jest as it is with thatword 'men' in the Declaration of Independence. Now that word 'men', inthat Declaration, means men some of the time, and some of the time menand wimmen both. It means both sexes when it relates to punishment, taxin' property, obeyin' the laws strictly, etc. , etc. , and then it goesright on the very next minute and means men only, as to wit, namely, votin', takin' charge of public matters, makin' laws, etc. 

"I tell you it takes deep minds to foller on and see jest to a hairwhere the division is made. It takes statesmanship. 

"Now take that claws, 'All men are born free and equal. '

"Now half of that means men, and the other half men and wimmen. Now tounderstand them words perfect you have got to divide the tex. 'Men areborn. ' That means men and wimmen both--men and wimmen are both born, nobody can dispute that. Then comes the next claws, 'Free and equal. 'Now that means men only--anybody with one eye can see that. 

"Then the claws, 'True government consists. ' That means men and wimmenboth--consists--of course the government consists of men and wimmen, 'twould be a fool who would dispute that. 'In the consent of thegoverned. ' That means men alone. Do you see, Samantha?" sez he. 

I kep' my eye fixed on the tea kettle, fer I stood with my tea-pot inhand waitin' for it to bile--"I see a great deal, Josiah Allen. "

[Illustration: CHURCH WORK. ]

"Wall, " sez he, "I am glad on't. Now to sum it up, " sez he, with somethe mean of a preacher--or, ruther, a exhauster--"to sum the matter allup, the words 'bretheren, ' 'laymen, ' etc. , always means wimmen so furas this: punishment for all offenses, strict obedience to the rules ofthe church, work of any kind and all kinds, raisin' money, givin' moneyall that is possible, teachin' in the Sabbath school, gettin' upmissionary and charitable societies, carryin' on the same with no helpfrom the male sect leavin' that sect free to look after their half ofthe meanin' of the word--sallerys, office, makin' the laws that bindboth of the sexes, rulin' things generally, translatin' Bibles to suittheir own idees, preachin' at 'em, etc. , etc. Do you see, Samantha?" sezhe, proudly and loftily. 

"Yes, " sez I, as I filled up my tea-pot, for the water had at lastbiled. "Yes, I see. "

And I spoze he thought he had convinced me, for he acted high headederand haughtier for as much as an hour and a half. And I didn't sayanything to break it up, for I see he had stated it jest as he and allhis sect looked at it, and good land! I couldn't convince the hull malesect if I tried--clergymen, statesmen and all--so I didn't try, and Iwuz truly beat out with my day's work, and I didn't drop more than oneidee more. I simply dropped this remark es I poured out his tea and putsome good cream into it--I merely sez:

"There is three times es many wimmen in the meetin' house es there ismen. "

"Yes, " sez he, "that is one of the pints I have been explainin' to you, "and then he went on agin real high headed, and skairt, about the oldground, of the willingness of the meetin' house to shelter wimmen in itsfolds, and how much they needed gaurdin' and guidin', and about theirdelicacy of frame, and how unfitted they wuz to tackle anything hard, and what a grief it wuz to the male sect to see 'em a-tryin' to set onConferences or mount rostrums, etc. , etc. 

And I didn't try to break up his argument, but simply repeated thequestion I had put to him--for es I said before, I wuz tired, andskairt, and giddy yet from my hard labor and my great and hazarduselevatin'; I had not, es you may say, recovered yet from myrecuperation, and so I sez agin them words--

"Is rostrums much higher than them barells to stand on?" And Josiah saidagin, "it wuz suthin' entirely different;" he said barells and rostrumswuz so fur apart that you couldn't look at both on 'em in one dayhardly, let alone a minute. And he went on once more with a longargument full of Bible quotations and everything. 

And I wuz too tuckered out to say much more. But I did contend for it tothe last, that I didn't believe a rostrum would be any more tottlin' andskairful a place than the barell I had been a-standin' on all day, northe work I'd do on it any harder than the scrapin' of the ceilin' ofthat meetin house. 

And I don't believe it would, I stand jest as firm on it to-day as I didthen. 

CHAPTER XX. 

Wall, we got the scrapin' done after three hard and arjous days' works, and then we preceeded to clean the house. The day we set to clean themeetin' house prior and before paperin', we all met in good season, forwe knew the hardships of the job in front of us, and we all felt that wewanted to tackle it with our full strengths. 

Sister Henzy, wife of Deacon Henzy, got there jest as I did. She wuz inmiddlin' good spirits and a old yeller belzerine dress. 

Sister Gowdy had the ganders and newraligy and wore a flannel for 'emround her head, but she wuz in workin' spirits, her will wuz up in arms, and nerved up her body. 

Sister Meechim wuz a-makin' soap, and so wuz Sister Sypher, and SisterMead, and me. But we all felt that soap come after religion, not before. "Cleanliness _next_ to godliness. "

So we wuz all willin' to act accordin' and tackle the old meetin' housewith a willin' mind. 

Wall, we wuz all engaged in the very heat of the warfare, as you maysay, a-scrubbin' the floors, and a-scourin' the benches by the door, and a-blackin' the 2 stoves that stood jest inside of the door. We wuzworkin' jest as hard as wimmen ever worked--and all of the wimmen whowuzn't engaged in scourin' and moppin' wuz a-settin' round in the pewsa-workin' hard on articles for the fair--when all of a suddin theoutside door opened and in come Josiah Allen with 3 of the other menbretheren. 

They had jest got the great news of wimmen bein' apinted forDeaconesses, and had come down on the first minute to tell us. She thatwuz Celestine Bobbet wuz the only female present that had heard of it. 

Josiah had heard it to the post-office, and he couldn't wait till noonto tell me about it, and Deacon Gowdy wuz anxius Miss Gowdy should hearit as soon es possible. Deacon Sypher wanted his wife to know at oncethat if she wuzn't married she could have become a deaconess under hisderectin'. 

And Josiah wanted me to know immegietly that I, too, could have had theprivilege if I had been a more single woman, of becomin' a deaconess, and have had the chance of workin' all my hull life for the meetin'house, with a man to direct my movements and take charge on me, and tellme what to do, from day to day and from hour to hour. 

And Deacon Henzy was anxious Miss Henzy should get the news as quick asshe could. So they all hastened down to the meetin' house to tell us. 

And we left off our work for a minute to hear 'em. It wuzn't nowherenear time for us to go home. 

Josiah had lots of further business to do in Jonesville and so had theother men. But the news had excited 'em, and exhilerated 'em so, thatthey had dropped everything, and hastened right down to tell us, andthen they wuz a-goin' back agin immegietly. 

I, myself, took the news coolly, or as cool as I could, with mytemperature up to five or five and a half, owin' to the hard work andthe heat. 

[Illustration: THE LAST NEWS FROM THE CONFERENCE. ]

Miss Gowdy also took it pretty calm. She leaned on her mop handle, partly for rest (for she was tuckered out) and partly out of goodmanners, and didn't say much. 

But Miss Sypheris such a admirin'woman, she looked fairly radiant at thenews, and she spoke up to her husband in her enthusiastik warm-heartedway--

"Why, Deacon Sypher, is it possible that I, too, could become a deacon, jest like you?"

"No, " sez Deacon Sypher solemnly, "no, Drusilly, not like me. But youwimmen have got the privelege now, if you are single, of workin' allyour days at church work under the direction of us men. "

"Then I could work at the Deacon trade under you, " sez she admirin'ly, "I could work jest like you--pass round the bread and wine and thecontribution box Sundays?"

"Oh, no, Drusilly, " sez he condesendinly, "these hard and arjuous dutysbelong to the male deaconship. That is their own one pertickiler work, that wimmen can't infringe upon. Their hull strength is spent in theseduties, wimmen deacons have other fields of labor, such as relievin'the wants of the sick and sufferin', sittin' up nights with small-poxpatients, takin' care of the sufferin' poor, etc. , etc. "

"But, " sez Miss Sypher (she is so good-hearted, and so awful fond of thedeacon), "wouldn't it be real sweet, Deacon, if you and I could worktogether as deacons, and tend the sick, relieve the sufferers--work forthe good of the church together--go about doin' good?"

"No, Drusilly, " sez he, "that is wimmen's work. I would not wish for amoment to curtail the holy rights of wimmen. I wouldn't want to stand inher way, and keep her from doin' all this modest, un-pretendin' work, for which her weaker frame and less hefty brain has fitted her. 

"We will let it go on in the same old way. Let wimmen have the privelegeof workin' hard, jest as she always has. Let her work all the time, dayand night, and let men go on in the same sure old way of superentendin'her movements, guardin' her weaker footsteps, and bossin' her roundgenerally. "

Deacon Sypher is never happy in his choice of language, and his methodof argiment is such that when he is up on the affirmative of a question, the negative is delighted, for they know he will bring victery to theirside of the question. Now, he didn't mean to speak right out about men'susual way of bossin' wimmen round. It was only his unfortunate andtransparent manner of speakin'. 

And Deacon Bobbet hastened to cover up the remark by the statement that"he wuz so highly tickled that wimmen wuzn't goin' to be admitted to theConference, because it would _weaken_ the Conference. "

"Yes, " sez my Josiah, a-leanin' up aginst the meetin' house door, andtalkin' pretty loud, for Sister Peedick and me had gone to liftin' roundthe big bench by the door, and it wuz fearful heavy, and our minds wuzexcersised as to the best place to put it while we wuz a-cleanin' thefloor. 

"You see, " sez he, "we feel, we men do, we feel that it would beweakenin' to the Conference to have wimmen admitted, both on account ofher own lack of strength and also from the fact that every woman youwould admit would keep out a man. And that, " sez he (a-leanin' back ina still easier attitude, almust a luxurious one), "that, you see, wouldtend naterally to weakenin' the strength of a church. "

[Illustration: "WALL, " SEZ I, "MOVE ROUND A LITTLE, WON'T YOU, FOR WEWANT TO SET THE BENCH. "]

"Wall, " sez I, a-pantin' hard for breath under my burden, "move round alittle, won't you, for we want to set the bench here while we scrubunder it. And, " sez I, a-stoppin' a minute and rubbin' the perspiratinand sweat offen my face, "Seein' you men are all here, can't you layholt and help us move out the benches, so we can clean the floor under'em? Some of 'em are very hefty, " sez I, "and all of us Sisters almostare a-makin' soap, and we all want to get done here, so we can go homeand bile down; we would dearly love a little help, " sez I. 

"I would help, " sez Josiah in a willin' tone, "I would help in a minute, if I hadn't got so much work to do at home. "

And all the other male bretheren said the same thing--they had got togit to get home to get to work. (Some on 'em wanted to play checkers, and I knew it. )

But some on 'em did have lots of work on their hands, I couldn't disputeit. 

CHAPTER XXI. 

Why, Deacon Henzy, besides all his cares about the buzz saw mill, andhis farm work, had bought a steam threshin' machine that made him sightsof work. It was a good machine. But it wuz fairly skairful to see ita-steamin' and a-blowin' right along the streets of Jonesville withoutthe sign of a horse or ox or anything nigh it to draw it. A-puffin' outthe steam, and a-tearin' right along, that awful lookin' that it skairtshe that wuz Celestine Bobbet most into fits. 

She lived in a back place where such machines wuz unknown, and she hadcome home to her father's on a visit, and wuz goin' over to visit someof his folks that day, over to Loontown. 

And she wuz a-travellin' along peacible, with her father's old mair, anda-leanin' back in the buggy a readin' a article her father had sent overby her to Deacon Widrig, a witherin' article about female Deaconesses, and the stern necessity of settin' 'em apart and sanctifyen' 'em to thisone work--deacon work--and how they mustn't marry, or tackle any otherhard jobs whatsumever, or break off into any other enterprize, only jestplain deacon work. 

It wuz a very flowery article. And she wuz enjoyin' of it first rate, and a-thinkin', for she is a little timid and easily skairt, and thepiece had convinced her--

She wuz jest a-thinkin' how dretful it would be if sum female deaconessshould ever venter into some other branch of business, and what wouldbe apt to become of her if she did. She hated to think of what her doomwould most likely be, bein' tender hearted. 

[Illustration: "SHE SEE THIS WILD AND SKAIRFUL MACHINE APPROACHIN'. "]

When lo, and behold! jest as she wuz a-thinkin' these thoughts, she seethis wild and skairful machine approachin', and Deacon Henzy a-standin'up on top of it a-drivin'. He looked wild and excited, bein' verytickled to think that he had threshed more with his machine, by twentybushels, than Deacon Petengill had with his. There was a bet upon thesetwo deacons, so it wuz spozed, and he wuz a-hastenin' to the next placewhere he wuz to be setup, so's to lose no time, and he was kinderhollerin'. 

And the wind took his gray hair back, and his long side whiskers, andkinder stood 'em out, and the skirts of his frock the same. 

His mean wuz wild. 

And it wuz more than Celestine's old mair and she herself could bear;she cramped right round in the road (the mair did) and set sail back toold Bobbet'ses, and that great concern a-puffin' and a-steamin' alongafter 'em. 

And by the time that she that wuz Celestine got there she wuz almost ina fit, and the mair in a perfect lather. 

Wall, Celestine didn't get over it for weeks and weeks, nor the mairnuther. 

And besides this enterprize of Deacon Henzy's, he had got up a greatinvention, a new rat trap, that wuz peculier and uneek in the extreme. 

It wuz the result of arjous study on his part, by night and day, for along, long time, and it wuz what he called "A Travellin' Rat Trap. " Itwuz designed to sort o' chase the rats round and skair 'em. 

[Illustration: DEACON HENZY'S RAT TRAP (LIKE A CIRCUS FOR THE RATS). ]

It was spozed he got the idee in the first place from his threshin'machine. It had to be wound up, and then it would take after 'em--ratsor mice, or anything--and they do say that it wuz quite a success. 

Only it had to move on a smooth floor. It would travel round pretty muchall night; and they say that when it wuz set up in a suller, it wouldchase the rats back into their holes, and they would set there and lookout on it, for the biggest heft of the night. It would take up theirminds, and kep 'em out of vittles and other mischief. 

It wuz somethin' like providin' a circus for 'em. 

But howsumever, the Deacon wuz a-workin' at this; he wuzn't quitesatisfied with its runnin' gear, and he wuz a-perfectin' this rat trapevery leisure minute he had outside of his buzz saw and threshin'machine business, and so he wuz fearful busy. 

Deacon Sypher had took the agency for "The Wild West, or The Leaping CowBoy of the Plain, " and wuz doin' well by it. 

And Deacon Bobbet had took in a lot of mustangs to keep through thewinter. And he wuz a ridin' 'em a good deal, accordin' to contract, andtryin' to tame 'em some before spring. And this work, with the buzz saw, took up every minute of his time. For the mustangs throwed him a gooddeal, and he had to lay bound up in linements a good deal of the time, and arneky. 

[Illustration: "HE HAD TO LAY BOUND UP IN LINEMENTS A GOOD DEAL OF THETIME. "]

So, as I say, it didn't surprise me a mite to have 'em say they couldn'thelp us, for I knew jest how these jobs of theirn devoured their time. 

And when my Josiah had made his excuse, it wuzn't any more than I hadlooked out for, to hear Deacon Henzy say he had got to git home to ilehis threshin' machine. One of the cogs wuz out of gear in some way. 

He wanted to help us, so it didn't seem as if he could tear himselfaway, but that steam threshin' machine stood in the way. And then onhis way down to Jonesville that very mornin' a new idee had come to himabout that travellin' rat trap, and he wanted to get home jest as quickas he could, to try it. 

And Deacon Bobbet said that three of them mustangs he had took in tobreak had got to be rid that day, they wuz a gettin' so wild he didn'thardly dast to go nigh 'em. 

And Deacon Sypher said that he must hasten back, for a man wuz a-comin'to see him from way up on the State road, to try to get a agency underhim for "The Leaping Cow Boy of the Plain. " And he wanted to show the"Leaping Cow Boy" to some agents to the tavern in Jonesville on his wayhome, and to some wimmen on the old Plank road. Two or three of thewimmen had gin hopes that they would take the "Leaping Cow Boy. "

And then they said--the hull three of the deacons did--that any minutethem other deacons who wuz goin' into partnership with 'em in the buzzsaw business wuz liable to drive down to see 'em about it. 

And some of the other men brethren said their farms and their live stockdemanded the hull of their time--every minute of it. 

So we see jest how it wuz, we see these male deacons couldn't devote anyof their time to the meetin' house, nor those other brethren nuther. 

We see that their time wuz too valuable, and their own business devouredthe hull on it. And we married Sisters, who wuz acestemed to the strangeand mysterius ways of male men, we accepted the situation jest es wewould any other mysterius dispensation, and didn't say nothin'. 

Good land! We wuz used to curius sayin's and doin's, every one on us. Curius as a dog, and curiuser. 

But Sister Meechim (onmarried), she is dretful questinin' and inquirin'(men don't like her, they say she prys into subjects she's no businessto meddle with). She sez to Josiah:

"Why is it, Deacon Allen, that men deacons can carry on all sorts ofbusiness and still be deacons, while wimmen deacons are obleeged to giveup all other business and devote themselves wholly to their work?"

"It is on account of their minds, " sez Josiah. "Men have got strongerminds than wimmen, that is the reason. "

And Sister Meechim sez agin--

"Why is it that wimmen deacons have to remain onmarried, while mendeacons can marry one wife after another through a long life, that is, if they are took from 'em by death or a divorce lawyer?"

"Wall, " sez Josiah, "that, too, is on account of their brains. Theirbrains hain't so hefty es men's. "

But I jest waded into the argument then. I jest interfered, and sez in aloud, clear tone, "Oh, shaw!"

And then I sez further, in the same calm, clear tones, but dry as ever adry oven wuz in its dryest times. Sez I, "If you men can't help us any about the meetin' house, you'd better getout of our way, for we wimmen have got to go to scrubbin' right whereyou are a-standin'. "

"Certainly, " sez Josiah, in a polite axent, "certainly. "

And so the rest of the men said. 

And Josiah added to his remarks, as he went down the steps, "You'd better get home, Samantha, in time to cook a hen, and make somepuddin', and so forth. "

And I sez, with quite a lot of dignity, "Have I ever failed, JosiahAllen, to have good dinners for you, and on time too?"

"No, " sez he, "but I thought I would jest stop to remind you of it, and also to tell you the last news from the Conference, about thedeaconesses. "

And so they trailed down one after another, and left us to our workin the meetin' house; but as they disapered round the corner, SisterArvilly Lanfear, who hain't married, and who has got a sharp tongue(some think that is why, but I don't; I believe Arvilly has hadchances). 

But any way, she sez, as they went down the steps, "I'll bet them men wuz a-practisen' their new parts of mensuperentendents, and look on us as a lot of deaconesses. "

[Illustration: "JOSIAH ADDED TO HIS REMARKS. "]

"Wall, " sez Sister Gowdy--she loves to put on Arvilly--"wall, you havegot one qualificatin', Arvilly!"

"Yes, thank the Lord, " sez she. 

And I never asked what she meant, but knew well enough that she spoke ofher single state. But Arvilly has had chances, _I_ think. 

CHAPTER XXII. 

I got home in time to get a good supper, though mebbe I ortn't to sayit. 

Sure enough, Josiah Allen had killed a hen, and dressed it ready for meto brile, but it wuz young and tender, and I knew it wouldn't take long, so I didn't care. 

Good land! I love to humor him, and he knows it. Casper Keeler come injest as I wuz a-gettin' supper and I thought like as not he would stayto supper; I laid out to ask him. But I didn't take no more pains on hisaccount. No, I do jest as well by Josiah Allen from day to day, as if hewuz company, or lay out to. 

Casper came over on a errent about that buzz saw mill. He wuz in dretfulgood spirits, though he looked kinder peaked. 

He had jest got home from the city. 

It happened dretful curius, but jest at this time Casper Keeler had hadto go to New York on business. He had to sign some papers that nobodyelse couldn't sign. 

[Illustration: CASPER KEELER. ]

His mother had hearn of a investment there that promised to pay dretfulwell, so she had took a lot of stock in it, and it had riz right uppowerful. Why the money had increased fourfold, and more too, and Casperbein' jest come of age, had to go and sign suthin' or other. 

Wall, he went round and see lots of sights in New York. His ma's moneythat she had left him made him fairly luxurius as to comfort, and he hadplenty of money to go sight seein' as much as he wanted to. 

He went to all the theatres, and operas, and shows of all kinds, andmuseums, and the Brooklyn Bridge, and circuses, and receptions, and etcetery, et cetery. 

He wuz a-tellin' me how much money he spent while he wuz there, kinderboastin' on it; he had went to one of the biggest, highest taverns inthe hull village of New York, where the price wuz higher than the veryhighest pinakle on the top of it, fur higher. 

And I sez, "Did you go to the Wimmen's Exchange and the Workin' Wimmen'sAssociation, that wuz held there while you wuz there?"

And he acted real scorfin'. 

"Wimmen's work!" sez he. "No, indeed! I had too much on my hands, andtoo much comfort to take in higher circles, than to take in any suchlittle trifles as wimmen's work. "

Sez I, "Young man, it is a precious little you would take in in life ifit hadn't been for wimmen's work. Who earned and left you the money youare a-usin'?" sez I, "who educated you and made your life easy beforeyou?"

And then bein' fairly drove into a corner, he owned up that his motherwuz a good woman. 

But his nose wuz kinder lifted up the hull of the time he wuz a-sayin'it, as if he hated to own it up, hated to like a dog. 

But he got real happified up and excited afterwards, in talkin' overwith Josiah what he see to the Conference. ' He stayed to supper; I wuza seasonin' my chicken and mashed potatoes, and garnishin' 'em for thetable. I wuz out to one side a little, but I listened with one side ofmy brain while the other wuz fixed on pepper, ketchup, parsley, etc. , etc. 

[Illustration: "HE SEEMED TO HAVE A HORROW OF WOMAN A-RAISIN' OUT OF HERSPEAR. "]

Sez Casper, "It wuz the proudest, greatest hour of my life, " sez he, "when I see a nigger delegate git up and give his views on wimmenkeepin' down in their place. When I see a black nigger stand up there inthat Conference and state so clearly, so logically and so powerfully thereasons why poor weak wimmen should _not_ be admitted into that sacredenclosure--

"When I see even a nigger a-standin' there and a-knowin' so well whatwimmen's place wuz, my heart beat with about the proudest emotions Ihave ever experienced. Why, he said, " sez Casper, "that if wimmen wuzallowed to stand up in the Conference, they wouldn't be satisfied. Thenext thing they would want to do would be to preach. It wuz a masterlyargument, " sez Casper. 

"It must have been, " sez my Josiah. 

"He seemed to have such a borrow of a weak-minded, helpless womana-raisin' herself up out of her lower spear. "

"Well he might, " sez Josiah, "well he might. "

Truly, there are times when women can't, seeminly, stand no more. Thiswuz one on 'em, and I jest waded right into the argiment. I sez, realsolemn like, a-holdin' the sprig of parsley some like a septer, onlymore sort o' riz up like and mysteriouser. Yes, I held that green sprigsome as the dove did when it couldn't find no rest for the soles of itsfeet--no foundation under it and it sailed about seekin' some mount oftruth it could settle down on. Oh how wobblin' and onsubstantial andcurius I felt hearin' their talk. 

"And, " sez I, "nobody is tickleder than I be to think a colored man hashad the right gin him to stand up in a Conference or anywhere else. Ihave probable experienced more emotions in his behalf, " sez I, "deepand earnest, than any other female, ancient or modern. I have bore hisburdens for him, trembled under his lashes, agonized with him in hisunexampled griefs and wrongs and indignities, and I have rejoiced at thevery depths of my soul at his freedom. 

"But, " sez I, "when he uses that freedom to enchain another and asdeservin' a race, my feelin's are hurt and my indignations are riz up. 

"Yes, " sez I, a-wavin' that sprig some like a warlike banner, as myemotions swelled up under my bask waste, "When that negro stands there a-advocatin' the slavery of another race, and a-sayin' that women ortn't to say her soul is her own, and wimmenare too weak and foolish to lift up their right hands, much less preach, I'd love to ask him where he and his race wuz twenty-five years ago, andwhere they would be to-day if it wuzn't for a woman usin' her right handand her big heart and brain in his behalf, and preachin' for him allover the world and in almost every language under the sun. Everybodysays that 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' wuz the searchin' harrow that loosened theold, hard ground of slavery so the rich seed of justice could be plantedand bring forth freedom. 

"If it hadn't been for that woman's preachin', that negro exhausterwould to-day most likely be a hoin' cotton with a overseer a-lashin' himup to his duties, and his wife and children and himself a-bein' boughtand sold, and borrowed and lent and mortgaged and drove like so manyanimals. And I'd like to have riz right up in that Conference and toldhim so. "

"Oh, no, " sez Josiah, lookin' some meachin', "no, you wouldn't. "

"Yes, I would, " sez I. "And I'd 've enjoyed it _richly_" sez I, es Iturned and put my sprig round the edge of the platter. 

[Illustration: SAMANTHA EXPRESSES HER VIEWS. ]

Casper wuz demute for as much as half a minute, and Josiah Allen lookedmachin' for about the same length of time. 

But, good land! how soon they got over it. They wuz as chipper as ever, a-runnin' down the idee of women settin', before they got half throughdinner. 

After hard and arjuous work we got the scrapin' done, and the scrubbin'done, and then we proceeded to make a move towards puttin' on the paper. 

But the very day before we wuz to put on our first breadth, SisterBobbet, our dependence and best paperer, fell down on a apple parin'and hurt her ankle jint, so's she couldn't stand on a barell for more'nseveral days. 

And we felt dretful cast down about it, for we all felt as if the workmust stop till Sister Bobbet could be present and attend to it. 

But, as it turned out, it wuz perfectly providential, so fur as I wuzconcerned, for on goin' home that night fearfully deprested on accountof Sister Sylvester Bobbet, lo and behold! I found a letter there on myown mantletry piece that completely turned round my own plans. It comeentirely onexpected to me, and contained the startlin' intelligence thatmy own cousin, on my mother's own side, had come home to Loontown tohis sister's, and wuz very sick with nervous prostration, neuralgia, rheumatism, etc. , and expected paralasys every minute, and heartfailure, and such. 

[Illustration: "SISTER BOBBET, OUR DEPENDENCE, FELL DOWN ON A APPLEPARIN'". ]

And his sister, Miss Timson, who wrote the letter, beset me to come overand see him. She said, Jane Ann did (Miss Timson'ses name is Jane Ann), and sez she in Post scriptum remark to me, sez she--

"Samantha, I know well your knowledge of sickness and your powers oftakin' care of the sick. Do come and help me take care of Ralph, for itseems as if I can't let him go. Poor boy, he has worked so hard, and nowI wuz in hopes that he wuz goin' to take some comfort in life, unbeknownto him. Do come and help him for my sake, and for Rosy's sake. " Rosy wuzRalph's only child, a pretty girl, but one ruther wild, and needin' jestnow a father's strong hand. 

Rosy's mother died when she wuz a babe, and Ralph, who had alwaysbeen dretful religius, felt it to be his duty to go and preach to thesavages. So Miss Timson took the baby and Ralph left all his propertywith Miss Timson to use for her, and then he girded up his lions, tookhis Bible and him book and went out West and tackled the savages. 

Tackled 'em in a perfectly religius way, and done sights of good, sightsand sights. For all he wuz so mild and gentle and religius, he got theupper hand of them savages in some way, and he brung 'em into the churchby droves, and they jest worshipped him. 

Wall, he worked so hard a-tryin' to do good and save souls that wuzlost--a-tryin' single-handed to overthrow barberus beliefs and habits, and set up the pure and peaceful doctrines of the Master. 

[Illustration: RALPH SMITH ROBINSON. ]

He loved and followed, that his health gin out after a time--he feltweak and mauger. 

And jest about this time his sister wrote to him that Rosy havin' gotin with gay companions, wuz a gettin' beyond her influence, and she_needed_ a father's control and firm hand to guide her right, or elseshe would be liable to go to the wrong, and draw lots of others withher, for she wuz a born leader amongst her mates, jest as her fatherwuz--so wouldn't Ralph come home. 

Wall, Ralph come. His sister and girl jest worshipped him, and lookedand longed for his comin', as only tender-hearted wimmen can loveand worship a hero. For if there wuz ever a hero it wuz Ralph SmithRobinson. 

Wall, Ralph had been in the unbroken silences of nature so long, thatthe clack, and crash, and clamor of what we call civilized life almostcrazed him. 

He had been where his Maker almost seemed to come down and walk withhim through the sweet, unbroken stillnesses of mornin' and evenin'. Theworld seemed so fur off to him, and the Eternal Verities of life sonear, that truly, it sometimes seemed to him as if, like one of old, "hewalked with God. " Of course the savages war-whooped some, but theywuz still a good deal of the time, which is more than you can say forYankees. 

And Loontown when he got home was rent to its very twain with aPresidential election. 

Ralph suffered. 

But above all his other sufferin's, he suffered from church bells. 

Miss Timson lived, as it wuz her wish, and often her boast, right underthe droppin's of the sanctuary. 

She lotted on it when she bought the place. The Baptist steeple toweredup right by the side of her house. Her spare bed wuz immegietly underthe steeple. 

Wall, comin' as he did from a place where he wuz called to worship bythe voice of his soul and his good silver watch--this volume of clamor, this rushin' Niagara of sound a-pourin' down into his ears, wuzperfectly intolerable and onbeerable. He would lay awake till mornin'dreadin' the sound, and then colapse under it, till it run along and hecome down with nervous fever. 

He wuz worn out no doubt by his labors before he come, and any way hewuz took bed-sick, and couldn't be moved so's the doctor said, and hebein' outside of his own head, delerius, couldn't of course advance noidees of his own, so he lay and suffered. 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

Miss Timson's letter wuz writ to me on the 6th day of his sickness, andJosiah and me set sail for Loontown on the follerin' day after we gotit. 

I laid the case before the female Sisters of the meetin' house, and theyall counselled me to go. For, as they all said, on account of SisterBobbet's fallin' on the apple parin' we could not go on with the workof paperin' the meetin' house, and so the interests of Zion wouldn'tlanguish on account of my absence for a day or two any way. And, as thefemale Sisters all said, it seemed as if the work I wuz called to inLoontown wuz a fair and square case of Duty, so they all counselledme to go, every one on 'em. Though, as wuz nateral, there wuz severeldivisions of opinions as to the road I should take a-goin' there, whatday I should come back, what remiedies wuz best for me to recommendwhen I got there, what dress I should wear, and whether I should weara hankerchif pin or not--or a bib apron, or a plain banded one, etc. , etc. , etc. , etc. 

But, as I sez, as to my goin' they wuz every one on 'em unanimus. Theymeen well, those sisters in the meetin' house do, every one on 'em. 

Josiah acted real offish at first about goin'. And he laid the casebefore the male brothers of the meetin' house, for Josiah wuz fearfulthat the interests of the buzz saw mill would languish in his absence. One or two of the weaker brethren joined in with him, and talked kinderdeprestin' about it. 

But Deacon Sypher and Deacon Henzy said they would guard his interestswith eagle visions, or somethin' to that effect, and they counselledJosiah warmly that it wuz his duty to go. 

We hearn afterwards that Deacon Sypher and Deacon Henzy wanted to gointo the North Woods a-fishin' and a-huntin' for 2 or 3 days, and it hasalways been spozed by me that that accounted for their religeus adviceto Josiah Allen. 

Howsumever, I don't _know_ that. But I do know that they started offa-fishin' the very day we left for Loontown, and that they come backhome about the time we did, with two long strings of trout. 

[Illustration: THE RETURN OF THE HUNTERS. ]

And there wuz them that said that they ketched the trout, and them thatsaid they bought 'em. 

And they brung back the antlers of a deer in their game bags, and somebones of a elk. And there are them that sez that they dassent, eitherone of 'em, shoot off a gun, not hardly a pop gun. But I don't know thetruth of this. I know what they _said_, they _said_ the huntin' wuzexcitin' to the last degree, and the fishin' superb. 

And there wuz them that said that they should think the huntin' would beexcitin', a-rummagin' round on the ground for some old bones, and theyshould think the fishin' would be superb, a-dippin' 'em out of a barelland stringin' 'em onto their own strings. 

But their stories are very large, that I know. And each one on 'em, accordin' to their tell, ketched more trouts than the other one, and furbigger ones, and shot more deers. 

Wall, Deacon Sypher'ses advice and Deacon Henzy's influenced Josiah agood deal, and I said quite a few words to him on the subject, and, suffice it to say, that the next day, about 10 A. M. , we set out on ourjourney to Loontown. 

[Illustration: "MISS TIMSON AND ROSY SEEMED DRETFUL GLAD TO SEE ME. "]

Miss Timson and Rosy seemed dretful glad to see me, but they wuz paleand wan, wanner fur than I expected to see 'em; but after I had beenthere a spell I see how it wuz. I see that Ralph wuz their hero as wellas their love, and they worshipped him in every way, with their heartsand their souls and their idealized fancies. 

Wall, he wuz a noble lookin' man as I ever see, fur or near, and as gooda one as they make, he wuz strong and tender, so I couldn't blame 'em. 

And though I wouldn't want Josiah to hear me say too much about it, ormebby it would be best that he shouldn't, before I had been there 24hours I begun to feel some as they did. 

But my feelin's wuz strictly in a meetin' house sense, strictly. 

But I begun to feel with them that the middle of the world wuz there inthat bedroom, and the still, white figure a-layin' there wuz the centre, and the rest of the world wuz a-revolvin' round him. 

His face wuz worn and marked by the hand of Time and Endeaver. But everymark wuz a good one. The Soul, which is the best sculptor after all, had chiselled into his features the marks of a deathless endeavor andstruggle toward goodness, which is God. Had marked it with the divinesweetness and passion of livin' and toilin' for the good of others. 

He had gi'n his life jest as truly to seek and save them that wuz lostas ever any old prophet and martyr ever had sense the world began. Butunder all these heavenly expressions that a keen eye could trace in hisgood lookin' face, could be seen a deathly weakness, the consumin' firethat wuz a-consumin' of him. 

Miss Timson wept when she see me, and Rosy threw herself into my armsand sobbed. But I gently ondid her arms from round my neck and give MissTimson to understand that I wuz there to _help_ 'em if I could. 

"For, " sez I softly, "the hull future time is left for us to weep in, but the present wuz the time to try to help Ralph S. Robinson. "

Wall, I laid to, Josiah a-helpin' me nobly, a-pickin' burdock leavesor beet leaves, as the case might be, and a-standin' by me nobly allthrough the follerin' night (that is, when he wuz awake). 

Josiah and I took care on him all that night, Miss Timson refusin' togive him into the charge of underlin's, and we a-offerin' and not to berefused. 

Wall, Josiah slept some, or that is, I s'poze he did. I didn't hear muchfrom him from 10 P. M. To 5 A. M. , only once I heard him murmer in hissleep, "buzz saw mill. "

[Illustration: "DIDN'T SEE HOW FOLKS NEEDED SO MUCH SLEEP. "]

But every time I would come out into the settin' room where he sot androust him up to get sunthin' for me, he would say, almost warmly--

"Samantha, that last remark of your'n wuz very powerful. " And I wouldn'twaste my time nor hisen by tellin' him that I hadn't made no remark, northought on't. I see it would hurt his feelin's, specilly as he would addin haste--

"That he didn't see how folks needed so much sleep; as for him, it wuz areal treat to keep awake all night, now and then. "

No, I would let it go, and ask him for burdock or beet, as the casemight be. Truly I had enugh on my mind and heart that night withoutdisputin' with my Josiah. 

Ralph S. Robinson would lay lookin' like a dead man some of the time, still and demute, and then he would speak out in a strange language, stranger than any I ever heard. He would preach sermons in thatlanguage, I a-knowin' it wuz a sermen by his gestures, and also by myfeelin's. And then he would shet up his eyes and pray in that strange, strange tongue, and anon breakin' out into our own language. And once hesaid:

"And now may the peace of God be with you all. Amen. The peace of God!the peace! the peace!"

His voice lingered sort o' lovin'ly over that word, and I felt that hewuz a-thinkin' then of the real peace, the onbroken stillness, outsideand inside, that he invoked. 

Rosy would steal in now and then like a sweet little shadow, and benddown and kiss her Pa, and cry a little over his thin, white hands whichwuz a-lyin' on the coverlet, or else lifted in that strange speech thatsounded so curius to us, a-risin' up out of the stillness of a Loontownspare bedroom on a calm moonlit evenin'. 

Wall, Friday and Saturday he wuz crazier'n a loon, more'n half the timehe wuz, but along Saturday afternoon the Doctor told us that the feverwould turn sometime the latter part of the night, and if he could sleepthen, and not be disturbed, there would be a chance for his life. 

Wall, Miss Timson and Rosy both told me how the ringin' of the bellsseemed to roust him up and skair him (as it were) and git him allexcited and crazy. And they both wuz dretful anxius about the mornin'bells which would ring when Ralph would mebby be sleepin'. So thinkin'it wuz a case of life and death, and findin' out who wuz the one totackle in the matter, I calmly tied on my bonnet and walked over andtackled him. 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

It wuz Deacon Garven and he wuz a close communion Baptist byperswaision, and a good man, so fur as firm morals and a sound creedgoes. 

Some things he lacked: he hadn't no immagination at all, not one speck. And in makin' him up, it seems as if he had a leetle more justice addedto him to make up a lack of charity and pity. And he had a good dealof sternness and resolve gin him, to make up, I spoze, for a lack oftenderness and sweetness of nater. 

A good sound man Deacon Garven wuz, a man who would cheat himself beforehe would cheat a neighber. He wuz jest full of qualities that wouldhender him from ever takin' a front part in a scandel and a tragedy. Yes, if more men wuz like Deacon Garven the pages of the daily paperswould fairly suffer for rapiners, embezzlers, wife whippers, etc. 

Wall, he wuz in his office when I tackled him. The hired girl asked meif I come for visitin' purposes or business, and I told her firmly, "business!"

So she walked me into a little office one side of the hall, where Ispoze the Deacon transacted the business that come up on his farm, andthen he wuz Justice of the Peace, and trustee of varius concerns (everyone of 'em good ones). 

He is a tall, bony man, with eyes a sort of a steel gray, and thin lipsruther wide, and settin' close together. And without lookin' like one, or, that is, without havin' the same features at all, the Deacon didmake me think of a steel trap. I spoze it wuz because he wuz so sound, and sort o' firm. A steel trap is real firm when it lays hold and triesto be. 

[Illustration: "THE DEACON DID MAKE ME THINK OF A STEEL TRAP. "]

Wall, I begun the subject carefully, but straight to the pint, as my wayis, by tellin' him that Ralph S. Robinson wuz a-layin' at death's door, and his life depended on his gettin' sleep, and we wuz afraid the bellsin the mornin' would roust him up, and I had come to see if he wouldomit the ringin' of 'em in the mornin'. 

"Not ring the bells!" sez he, in wild amaze. "Not ring the church bellson the Sabbath day?"

His look wuz skairful in the extreme, but I sez--

"Yes, that is what I said, we beg of you as a Christian to not ring thebells in the mornin'. "

"A Christian! A Christian! Advise me as a _Christian_ to not ring theSabbath bells!"

I see the idee skairt him. He wuz fairly pale with surprise and borrow. And I told him agin', puttin' in all the perticilers it needed to makethe story straight and good, how Ralph S. Robinson had labored forthe good of others, and how his strength had gin out, and he wuz nowa-layin' at the very pint of death, and how his girl and his sister wuza-breakin' their hearts over him, and how we had some hopes of savin'his life if he could get some sleep, that the doctors said his lifedepended on it, and agin I begged him to do what we asked. 

But the Deacon had begin to get over bein' skairt, and he looked firm asanybody ever could, as he sez: "The bells never hurt anybody, I know, for here I have lived right by the side of 'em for 20 years. Do I lookbroke down and weak?" sez he. 

"No, " sez I, honestly. "No more than a grannit monument, or a steeltrap. "

"Wall, " sez he, "what don't hurt me won't hurt nobody else. "

"But, " sez I, "folks are made up different. " Sez I, "The Bible sez so, and what might not hurt you, might be the ruin of somebody else. Wuz youever nervous?" sez I. 

"Never, " sez he. And he added firmly, "I don't believe in nerves. Inever did. There hain't no use in 'm. "

"It wuz a wonder they wuz made, then, " sez I. "As a generel thing theLord don't make things there hain't no use on. Howsumever, " sez I, "there hain't no use in disputin' back and forth on a nerve. But anyway, sickness is so fur apart from health, that the conditions of onestate can't be compared to the other; as Ralph S. Robinson is now, thesound of the bells, or any other loud noise means torture and agony tohim, and, I am afraid, death. And I wish you would give orders to nothave 'em rung in the mornin'. "

"Are you a professor?" sez he. 

"Yes, " sez I. 

"What perswaision?" sez he. 

"Methodist Episcopal, " sez I. 

"And do you, a member of a sister church, which, although it has manyerrors, is still a-gropin' after the light! Do you counsel me to setaside the sacred and time honored rules of our church, and allow theSabbath to go by unregarded, have the sanctuary desecrated, the causeof religion languish--I cannot believe it. Think of the widespreaddesolation it would cause if, as the late lamented Mr. Selkirk sung:

 "'The sound of the church-going bells, These valleys and hills never heard. '"

"No church, no sanctuary, no religius observances. "

"Why, " sez I, "that wouldn't hinder folks from goin' to church. Folksseem to get to theatres, lectures, and disolvin' views on time, andbetter time than they do to meetin', " sez I. "In your opinin' it hain'tnecessary to beat a drum and sound on a bugle as the Salvation Army duz, to call folks to meetin'; you are dretful hard on them, so I hear. "

"Yes, they make a senseless, vulgar, onnecessary racket, disturbin' andagrivatin' to saint and sinner. "

"But, " sez I, "they say they do it for the sake of religion. "

"Religion hain't to be found in drum-sticks, " sez he bitterly. 

"No, " sez I, "nor in a bell clapper. "

"Oh, " sez he, "that is a different thing entirely, that is to callworshippers together, that is necessary. "

Sez I, "One hain't no more necessary than the other in my opinion. "

Sez he, "Look how fur back in the past the sweet bells have soundedout. "

"Yes, " sez I candidly, "and in the sweet past they wuz necessary, " sezI. "In the sweet past, there wuzn't a clock nor a watch, the houses wuzfur apart, and they needed bells. But now there hain't a house but whatis runnin' over with clocks--everybody knows the time; they know it somuch that time is fairly a drug to 'em. Why, they time themselves rightalong through the day, from breakfast to midnight. Time their meals, their business, their pleasures, their music, their lessons, theirvisits, their visitors, their pulse beats, and their dead beats. Theytime their joys and their sorrows, and everything and everybody, allthrough the week, and why should they stop short off Sundays? Why nottime themselves on goin' to meetin'? They do, and you know it. Therehain't no earthly need of the bells to tell the time to go to meetin', no more than there is to tell the time to put on the tea-kettle to getsupper. If folks want to go to meetin' they will get there, bells or nobells, and if they don't want to go, bells hain't a-goin' to get 'emstarted. 

"Take a man with the Sunday _World_ jest brung in, a-layin' on a lounge, with his feet up in a chair, and kinder lazy in the first place, bellshain't a-goin' to start him. 

"And take a woman with her curl papers not took down, and a new religeusnovel in her hand, and a miliner that disapinted her the night before, and bells hain't a-goin' to start her. No, the great bell of Moscowwon't start 'em. 

[Illustration: "BELLS HAIN'T A-GOIN' TO START HIM. "]

"And take a good Christian woman, a widow, for instance, who loveschurch work, and has a good handsome Christian pasture, who is introuble, lost his wife, mebby, or sunthin' else bad, and the lack ofbells hain't a-goin' to keep that women back, no, not if there wuzn't abell on earth. "

"Oh, wall, wavin' off that side of the subject, " sez he (I had convincedhim, I know, but he wouldn't own it, for he knew well that if folkswanted to go they always got there, bells or no bells). "But, " sez hewavin' off that side of the subject, "the observance is so time honored, so hallowed by tender memories and associations all through the past. "

"Don't you 'spoze, Deacon Garven, " sez I, "that I know every singleemotion them bells can bring to anybody, and felt all those memorys andassociations. I'll bet, or I wouldn't be afraid to bet, if I believed inbettin', that there hain't a single emotion in the hull line of emotionsthat the sound of them bells can wake up, but what I have felt, and felt'em deep too, jest as deep as anybody ever did, and jest es many of 'em. But it is better for me to do without a upliftin', soarin' sort of afeelin' ruther than have other people suffer agony. "

"Agony!" sez he, "talk about their causin' agony, when there hain't amore heavenly sound on earth. "

[Illustration: "A-LEANIN' OVER THE FRONT GATE ON A STILL SPRINGMORNIN'. "]

"So it has been to me, " sez I candidly. "To me they have always soundedbeautiful, heavenly. Why, " sez I, a-lookin' kinder fur off, beyondDeacon Garven, and all other troubles, as thoughts of beauty andinsperation come to me borne out of the past into my very soul, by thetender memories of the bells--thoughts of the great host of believerswho had gathered together at the sound of the bells--the great army ofthe Redeemed--

 'Some of the host have crossed the flood, and some are crossin' now, '

thinks I a-lookin' way off in a almost rapped way. And then I sez toDeacon Garven in a low soft voice, lower and more softer fur, than I hadused to him, "Don't I know what it is to stand a-leanin' over the front gate on astill spring mornin', the smell of the lilacs in the air, and the brierroses. A dew sparklin' on the grass under the maples, and the sunshinea-fleckin' the ground between 'em, and the robins a-singin' and thehummin' birds a-hoverin' round the honeysuckles at the door. And overall and through all, and above all clear and sweet, comin' from furoff a-floatin' through the Sabbath stillness, the sound of the bells, a-bringin' to us sweet Sabbath messages of love and joy. Bringin'memories too, of other mornin's as fair and sweet, when other earslistened with us to the sound, other eyes looked out on the summerbeauty, and smiled at the sound of the bells. Heavenly emotions, sweetemotions come to me on the melody of the bells, peaceful thoughts, inspirin' thoughts of the countless multitude that has flocked togetherat the sound of the bells. The aged feet, the eager youthful feet, thechildren's feet, all, all walkin' to the sound of the bells. Thoughtsof the happy youthful feet that set out to walk side by side, at theirringin' sounds. Thoughts of the aged ones grown tired, and goin' totheir long dreamless sleep to their solemn sound. Thoughts of the bravehero's who set out to protect us with their lives while the bells wuzringin' out their approval of such deeds. Thoughts of how they pealedout joyfully on their return bearin' the form of Peace. Thoughts of howthe bells filled the mornin' and evenin' air, havin' throbbed and beatwith every joy and every pain of our life, till they seem a part of us(as it were) and the old world would truly seem lonesome without 'em. 

"As I told you, and told you truly, I don't believe there is a singleemotion in the hull line of emotions, fur or near, but what them bellshave rung into my very soul. 

"But such emotions, beautiful and inspirin' though they are, can bedispensed with better than justice and mercy can. Sweet and tendersentiment is dear to me, truly, near and dear, but mercy and pity andcommon sense, have also a powerful grip onto my right arm, and have tolead me round a good deal of the time. 

"Beautiful emotion, when it stands opposed to eternal justice, ort tostep gently aside and let justice have a free road. Sentiment is trulysweet, but any one can get along without it, take it right along throughthe year, better than they can without sleep. 

"You see if you can't sleep you must die, while a person can worry alonga good many years without sentiment. Or, that is, I have been told theycould. I don't know by experience, for I have always had a real lot ofit. You see my experience has been such that I could keep sentiment andcomfort too. But my mind is such, that I have to think of them thathain't so fortunate as I am. 

"I have looked at the subject from my own standpoint, and have triedalso to look at it through others' eyes, which is the only way we canget a clear, straight light on any subject. As for me, as I have said, I would love to hear the sweet, far off sound of the bells a-tremblin'gently over the hills to me from Jonesville; it sounds sweeter to methan the voices of the robins and swallers, a-comin' home from the Southin the spring of the year. And I would deerly love to have it go on andon as fur as my own feelins are concerned. But I have got to look at thesubject through the tired eyes, and feel it through the worn-out nervesof others, who are sot down right under the wild clamor of the bells. 

"What comes to me as a heavenly melody freighted full of beautifulsentiment and holy rapture comes to them as an intolerable agony, a-maddenin' discord, that threatens their sanity, that rouses 'em upfrom their fitful sleep, that murders sleep--the bells to them seemmurderus, strikin' noisily with brazen hands, at their hearts. 

[Illustration: "TOSSIN' ON BEDS OF NERVOUS SUFFERIN'. "]

"To them tossin' on beds of nervous sufferin', who lay for hours fillin'the stillness with horror, with dread of the bells, where fear and dreadof 'em exceed the agony of the clangor of the sound when it comes atlast. Long nights full of a wakeful horror and expectency, fur worsethan the realization of their imaginin's. To them the bells are ainstrument of torture jest as tuff to bear as any of the other old thumbscrews and racks that wrung and racked our old 4 fathers in the name ofReligion. 

"I have to think of the great crowd of humanity huddled together rightunder the loud clangor of the bells whose time of rest begins when thesun comes up, who have toiled all night for our comfort and luxury. Sowe can have our mornin' papers brought to us with our coffee. So we canhave the telegraphic messages, bringing us good news with our toast. So's we can have some of our dear ones come to us from distant lands inthe morning. I must think of them who protect us through the night so wecan sleep in peace. 

"Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of these, our helpers andbenafacters, work all night for our sakes, work and toil. The least wecan do for these is to help 'em to the great Restorer, sleep, all wecan. 

"Some things we can't do; we can't stop the creakin' sounds of theworld's work; the big roar of the wheel of business that rolls throughthe week days, can't be oiled into stillness; but Sundays they might geta little rest Sunday is the only day of rest for thousands of men andwimmen, nervous, pale, worn by their week's hard toil. 

"The creakin' of the wheels of traffic are stopped on this day. Theycould get a little of the rest they need to carry on the fight of lifeto help support wife, child, father, husband; but religeon is too muchfor 'em--the religeon that the Bible declares is mild, peacible, tender. It clangs and bangs and whangs at 'em till the day of rest is a torment. 

"Now the Lord wouldn't approve of this. I know He wouldn't, for He wasalways tender and pitiful full of compassion. I called it religeon fororitory, but it hain't religeon, it is a relict of old Barberism who, under the cloak of Religeon, whipped quakers and hung prophetic souls, that the secrets of Heaven had been revealed to, secrets hidden from thecoarser, more sensual vision. "

Sez Deacon Garven: "I consider the bells as missionarys. They helpspread the Gospel. "

"And, " sez I, for I waz full of my subject, and kep him down to it all Icould, "Ralph S. Robinson has spread the Gospel over acres and acres ofland, and brung in droves and droves of sinners into the fold withoutthe help of church or steeple, let alone bells, and it seems es if heortn't to be tortured to death now by 'em. "

"Wall, " he said, "he viewed 'em as Gospel means, and he couldn't, withhis present views of his duty to the Lord, omit 'em. "

Sez I, "The Lord didn't use 'em. He got along without 'em. "

"Wall, " he said, "it wuz different times now. "

Sez I, "The Lord, if He wuz here to-day, Deacon Garven, if He had bentover that form racked with pain and sufferin' and that noise of any kindis murderous to, He would help him, I know He would, for He wuz good tothe sick, and tender hearted always. "

"Wall, _I_ will help him, " sez Deacon Garven, "I will watch, and I willpray, and I will work for him. "

Sez I, "Will you promise me not to ring the bells to-morrow mornin'; ifhe gets into any sleep at all durin' the 24 hours, it is along in themornin', and I think if we could keep him asleep, say all the forenoon, there would be a chance for him. Will you promise me?"

"Wall, " sez he kinder meltin' down a little, "I will talk with thebretheren. "

Sez I, "Promise me, Deacon Eben Garven, before you see 'em. "

Sez he, "I would, but I am so afraid of bringin' the Cause of Religeoninto contempt. And I dread meddlin' with the old established rules ofthe church. "

Sez I, "Mercy and justice and pity wuz set up on earth before bells wuz, and I believe it is safe to foller 'em. "

But he wouldn't promise me no further than to talk with the bretheren, and I had to leave him with that promise. As things turned outafterwuds, I wuz sorry, sorry es a dog that I didn't shet up DeaconGarven in his own smoke house, or cause him to be shet, and mount aguard over him, armed nearly to the teeth with clubs. 

But I didn't, and I relied some on the bretheren. 

Ralph wuz dretful wild all the forepart of the night. He'd lay still fora few minutes, and then he would get all rousted up, and he would set upin bed and call out some words in that strange tongue. And he would liftup his poor weak right arm, strong then in his fever, and preach longsermons in that same strange curius language. He would preach his sermonright through, earnest and fervent as any sermon ever wuz. I would knowit by the looks of his face. And then he would sometimes sing a littlein that same singular language, and then he would lay down for a spell. 

But along towards mornin' I see a change, his fever seemed to abate andgo down some--very gradual, till just about the break of day, he fellinto a troubled sleep--or it wuz a troubled sleep at first--but growin'deeper and more peaceful every minute. And along about eight o'clock hewuz a-sleepin' sweet for the first time durin' his sickness; it wuz aquiet restful sleep, and some drops of presperation and sweat could beseen on his softened features. 

We all wuz as still, almost, as if we wuz automatoes, we wuz so afraidof makin' a speck of noise to disturb him. We kep almost breathless, in our anxiety to keep every mite of noise out of his room. But I didwhisper to Rosy in a low still voice--

[Illustration: "THE LORD BE PRAISED, WE SHALL PULL HIM THROUGH. "]

"Your father is saved, the Lord be praised, we shall pull him through. "

She jest dropped onto her knees, and laid her head in my lap and criedand wept, but soft and quiet so's it wouldn't disturb a mice. 

Miss Timson wuz a-prayin', I could see that. She wuz a-returnin' thanksto the Lord for his mercy. 

As for me, I sot demute, in that hushed and darkened room, a-watchin'every shadow of a change that might come to his features, with ateaspoon ready to my hand, to give him nourishment at the right time ifhe needed it, or medicine. 

When all of a sudden--slam! bang! rush! roar! slam! slam! ding! dong!bang!!! come right over our heads the wild, deafening clamor of thebells. 

Ralph started up wilder than ever because of his momentary repose. Henever knew us, nor anything, from that time on, and after sufferin' foranother 24 hours, sufferin' that made us all willin' to have it stop, hedied. 

And so he who had devoted his hull life to religeon wuz killed by it. He who had gin his hull life for the true, wuz murdered by the false. 

[Illustration: "AND I THOUGHT HE WUZ PRONOUNCIN' A BENEDICTION ON THESAVAGES. "]

His last move wuz to spread out his hands, and utter a few of themstrange words, as if in benediction over a kneelin' multitude. And Ithought then, and I think still, that he wuz pronouncin' a benedictionon the savages. And I have always hoped that the mercy he besought fromon High at that last hour brought down God's pity and forgiveness on allbenighted savages, and bigoted ones, Deacon Garven, and the hull on 'em. 

CHAPTER XXV. 

The very next day after I got home from Miss Timson'ses, we wimmen allmet to the meetin' house agin as usial, for we knew very well that thevery hardest and most arjuous part of our work lay before us. 

For if it had been hard and tuckerin' to what it seemed the utmost limitof tucker, to stand up on a lofty barell, and lift up one arm, andscrape the ceilin', what would it be, so we wildly questioned our souls, and each other, to stand up on the same fearful hites, and lift _both_arms over our heads, and get on them fearful lengths of paper smooth. 

I declare, when the hull magnitude of the task we had tackled riz beforeus, it skairt the hull on us, and nuthin' but our deathless devotion tothe Methodist meetin' house, kep us from startin' off to our differenthomes on the run. 

But lovin' it as we did, as the very apples in our eyes, and havin' inour constant breasts a determinate to paper that meetin' house, or diein the attempt, we made ready to tackle it. 

[Illustration: "WE HAD TO WAIT FOR THE PASTE TO BILE. "]

Yet such wuz the magnitude of the task, and our fearful apprehensions, that after we had looked the ceilin' all over, and examined thepaper--we all sot down, as it were, instinctivly, and had a sort of aconference meetin' (we had to wait for the paste to bile anyway, it wuzbein' made over the stove in the front entry). And he would lift up hispoor weak right arm, strong then in his fever, and preach long sermonsin that same strange curius language. He would preach his sermon rightthrough, earnest and fervent as any sermon ever wuz. I would know it bythe looks of his face. And then he would sometimes sing a little in thatsame singular language, and then he would lay down for a spell. 

But along towards mornin' I see a change, his fever seemed to abate andgo down some--very gradual, till just about the break of day, he fellinto a troubled sleep--or it wuz a troubled sleep at first--but growin'deeper and more peaceful every minute. And along about eight o'clock hewuz a-sleepin' sweet for the first time durin' his sickness; it wuz aquiet restful sleep, and some drops of presperation and sweat could beseen on his softened features. 

[Illustration: "WE ALL SET AND LAID ON OUR PLANS, AND CUT THE EDGESOFFEN THE PAPER. "]

We all wuz as still, almost, as if we wuz automatoes, we wuz so afraidof makin' a speck of noise to disturb him. We kep almost breathless, inour anxiety to keep every mite of noise out of his room. But I didwhisper to Rosy in a low still voice--it middlin calm, and Miss Gowdyoffered to be the one to carry it back to Jonesville, and change it thatvery afternoon--for we could not afford to buy a new one, and we had thetestimony of as many as twenty-one or two pairs of eyes, that the handledidn't come out by our own carelessness, but by its own inherientweakness--so we spozed he would swap it, we spozed so. But it wuzarrainged before we disbanded (the result of our conference), that thenext mornin' we would each one on us bring our offerin's to the fair, and hand 'em in to the treasurer, so's she would know in time what todepend on, and what she had to do with. 

And we agreed (also the result of our conference) that we would, eachone on us, tell jest how we got the money and things to give to thefair. 

And then we disbanded and started off home but I'll bet that each one onus, in a sort of secret unbeknown way, gin a look on that lofty ceilin', them dangerus barells, and that pile of paper, and groaned a lowmelancholy groan all to herself. 

[Illustration: "THE HANDLE COME OUT. "]

I know I did, and I know Submit Tewksbury did, for I stood close to herand heard her. But then to be exactly jest, and not a mite underhanded, I ort mebby to say, that her groan may be caused partly by the fact thatthat aniversery of hern wuz a-drawin' so near. Yes, the very next daywuz the day jest 20 years ago that Samuel Danker went away from SubmitTewksbury to heathen lands. Yes, the next day wuz the one that shealways set the plate on for him--the gilt edged chiny with pink sprigs. 

But I'll bet that half or three quarters of that low melancholy groan ofher'n wuz caused by the hardness of the job that loomed up in front ofus, and the hull of mine wuz. 

Wall, that night Josiah Allen wuz a-feelin' dretful neat, fer he hadsold our sorell colt for a awful big price. 

It wuz a good colt; its mother wuz took sick when it wuz a few days old, and we had brung it up as a corset, or ruther I did, fer Josiah Allenat that time had the rheumatiz to that extent that he couldn't step hisfoot on the floor for months, so the care of the corset come on me, mostthe hull on it, till it got big enough to run out in the lot and git itsown livin'. 

Night after night I used to get up and warm milk for it, when it wuzvery small, for it wuz weakly, and we didn't know as we could winter it. 

[Illustration: "I WOULD MEANDER OUT THERE IN A ICY NIGHT TO FEED IT. "]

We kep it in a little warm shed offen the wood house for quite a spell, but still I used to find it considerable cold when I would meander outthere in a icy night to feed it. But jest as it is always the way withwimmen, the more care I took on it, the more it needed me and dependedon me, the better I liked it. 

Till I got to likin' it so well that it wuzn't half so hard a job for meto go out to feed it in the night as it would have been to laid still inmy warm bed and think mebby it wuz cold and hungry. 

So I would pike out and feed it two or three times a night. 

That is the nater of wimmen, the weaker it wuz and the humblier it wuz, and the more it needed me, the more I thought on it. 

And as is the nater of man, Josiah Allen didn't seem to care so muchabout it while it wuz weak and humbly and spindlin'. 

He told me time and agin, that I couldn't save it, and it never wouldamount to anythin', and wuzn't nothin' but legs any way, and lots ofother slightin' remarks. And he'd call it "horse corset" in a kind ofa light, triflin' way, that wuz apt to gaul a woman when she come backwith icy night-gown and frosty toes and fingers, way along in the night. 

[Illustration: "BEEN OUT TO TEND TO YOUR 'HORSE CORSET, ' HAVE YOU?"]

He'd wake up, a-layin' there warm and comfortable on his soft goosefeather piller and say to me: "Been out to tend to your 'horse corset, 'have you?"

"_Horse corset_! 'Wall, what if it wuz?"

Such language way along in the night, from a warm comfortable pardner toa cold one, is apt to make some words back and forth. 

And then he'd speak of its legs agin, in the most slightin' terms--andhe'd ask me if didn't want its picter took--etc. , etc. , etc. 

(I believe one thing that ailed Josiah Allen wuz he didn't want me toget up and get my feet so cold). 

But, as I wuz a-sayin', though I couldn't deny some of his words, fortruly its legs did seem to be at the least calculation a yard and a halflong, specilly in the night, why they'd look fairly pokerish. 

And though I knew it wuz humbly still I persevered, and at last itgot to thrivin' and growin' fast. And the likelier it grew, and thestronger, and the handsomer, so Josiah Allen's likin' for it grew andincreased, till he got to settin' a sight of store by it. 

And now it wuz a two-year-old, and he had sold it for two hundred andfifteen dollars. It wuz spozed it wuz goin' to make a good trotter. 

Wall, seem' he had got such a big price for the colt, and knowin' wellthat I wuz the sole cause of its bein' alive at this day, I felt that itwuz the best time in the hull three hundred and sixty-five days of theyear to tackle him for sunthin' to give to the fair. I felt that theleast he could do would be to give me ten or fifteen dollars for it. Soconsequently after supper wuz out of the way, and the work done up, Itackled him. 

CHAPTER XXVI. 

He wuz jest a-countin' out his money prior to puttin' it away in his tinbox, and I laid the subject before him strong and eloquent, jest thewants and needs of the meetin' house, and jest how hard we femalesisters wuz a-workin', and jest how much we needed some money to buy ouringregiencies with for the fair. 

He set still, a-countin' out his money, but I know he heard me. Therewuz four fifty dollar bills, a ten, and a five, and I felt that at thevery least calculation he would hand me out the ten or the five, andmebby both on 'em. 

But he laid 'em careful in the box, and then pulled out his oldpocket-book out of his pocket, and handed me a ten cent piece. 

[Illustration: "HANDED ME A TEN CENT PIECE. "]

I wuz mad. And I hain't a-goin' to deny that we had some words. Or atleast I said some words to him, and gin him a middlin' clear idee ofhow I felt on the subject. 

Why, the colt wuz more mine than his in the first place, and I didn'twant a cent of money for myself, but only wanted it for the good of theMethodist meetin' house, which he ort to be full as interested in as Iwuz. 

Yes, I gin him a pretty lucid idee of what my feelin's wuz on thesubject--and spozed mebby I had convinced him. I wuz a-standin' with myback to him, a-ironin' a shirt for him, when I finished up my pieceof mind. And thought more'n as likely as not he'd break down and berepentent, and hand me out a ten dollar bill. 

But no, he spoke out as pert and cheerful as anything and sez he:

"Samantha, I don't think it is necessary for Christians to give such aawful sight. Jest look at the widder's mit. "

I turned right round and looked at him, holdin' my flat-iron in my righthand, and sez I:

"What do you mean, Josiah Allen? What are you talkin' about?"

[Illustration: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, JOSIAH ALLEN? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?"]

"Why the widder's mit that is mentioned in Scripter, and is talked aboutso much by Christians to this day. Most probable it wuz a odd one, Idare persume to say she had lost the mate to it. It specilly mentionsthat there wuzn't but one on 'em. And jest see how much that is talkedover, and praised up clear down the ages, to this day. It couldn't havebeen worth more'n five cents, if it wuz worth that. "

"How do you spell mit, Josiah Allen?" sez I. 

"Why m-i-t-e, mit. "

"I should think, " sez I, "that that spells mite. "

"Oh well, when you are a-readin' the Bible, all the best commentatersagree that you must use your own judgment. Mite! What sense is there inthat? Widder's mite! There hain't any sense in it, not a mite. "

And Josiah kinder snickered here, as if he had made a dretful cuteremark, bringin' the "mite" in in that way. But I didn't snicker, no, there wuzn't a shadow, or trace of anything to be heard in my linement, but solemn and bitter earnest. And I set the flat-iron down on thestove, solemn, and took up another, solemn, and went to ironin' on hisshirt collar agin with solemnety and deep earnest. "No, " Josiah Allencontinued, "there hain't no sense in that--but mit! there you havesense. All wimmen wear mits; they love 'em. She most probable had a goodpair, and lost one on 'em, and then give the other to the church. I tellyou it takes men to translate the Bible, they have such a realizin'sense of the weaknesses of wimmen, and how necessary it is to translateit in such a way as to show up them weaknesses, and quell her down, andmake her know her place, make her know that man is her superior in everyway, and it is her duty as well as privilege to look up to him. "

And Josiah Allen crossed his left leg over his right one, as haughtyand over bearin' a-crossin' as I ever see in my life, and looked uphaughtily at the stove-pipe hole in the ceilin', and resoomed, "But, as I wuz sayin' about her mit, the widder's, you know. That isjest my idee of givin', equinomical, savin', jest as it should be. "

"Yes, " sez I, in a very dry axent, most as dry as my flat-iron, and thatwuz fairly hissin' hot. "She most probable had some man to advise her, and to tell her what use the mit would be to support a big meetin'house. " Oh, how dry my axent wuz. It wuz the very dryest, and most ironyone I keep by me--and I keep dretful ironikle ones to use in cases ofnecessity. 

"Most probable, " sez Josiah, "most probable she did. " He thought I wuzpraisin' men up, and he acted tickled most to death. 

"Yes, some man without any doubt, advised her, told her that some otherwidder would lose one of hern, and give hers to the meetin' house, jestthe mate to hern. That is the way I look at it, " sez he "and I mean tomention that view of mine on this subject the very next time they takeup a subscription in the meetin' house and call on me. "

But I turned and faced him then with the hot flat-iron in my hand, andburnin' indignation in my eys, and sez I:

"If you mention that, Josiah Allen, in the meetin' house, or to anylivin' soul on earth, I'll part with you. " And I would, if it wuz thelast move I ever made. 

But I gin up from that minute the idea of gettin' anything out of JosiahAllen for the fair. But I had some money of my own that I had got bysellin' three pounds of geese feathers and a bushel of dried apples, every feather picked by me, and every quarter of apple pared and peeledand strung and dried by me. It all come to upwerds of seven dollars, andI took every cent of it the next day out of my under bureau draw andcarried it to the meetin' house and gin it to the treasurer, and told'em, at the request of the hull on 'em, jest how I got the money. 

And so the hull of the female sisters did, as they handed in theirmoney, told jest how they come by it. 

Sister Moss had seated three pairs of children's trouses for young MissGowdy, her children are very hard on their trouses (slidin' down thebanesters and such). And young Miss Gowdy is onexperienced yet inmendin', so the patches won't show. And Sister Moss had got forty-sevencents for the job, and brung it all, every cent of it, with theexception of three cents she kep out to buy peppermint drops with. Shehas the colic fearful, and peppermint sometimes quells it. 

Young Miss Gowdy wuz kep at home by some new, important business(twins). But she sent thirty-two cents, every cent of money she couldrake and scrape, and that she had scrimped out of the money her husbandhad gin her for a woosted dress. She had sot her heart on havin' aruffle round the bottom (he didn't give her enough for a overshirt), but she concluded to make it plain, and sent the ruffle money. 

And young Sister Serena Nott had picked geese for her sister, whomarried a farmer up in Zoar. She had picked ten geese at two centsapiece, and Serena that tender-hearted that it wuz like pickin' thefeathers offen her own back. 

[Illustration: "SHE HAD PICKED TEN GEESE AT TWO CENTS APIECE. "]

And then she is very timid, and skairt easy, and she owned up that whilethe pickin' of the geese almost broke her heart, the pickin' of theganders almost skairt her to death. They wuz very high headed andwarlike, and though she put a stockin' over their heads, they would lift'em right up, stockin' and all, and hiss, and act, and she said shepicked 'em at what seemed to her to be at the resk of her life. 

But she loved the meetin' house, so she grin and bore it, as the sayin'is, and she brung the hull of her hard earned money, and handed it overto the treasurer, and everybody that is at all educated knows that twiceten is twenty. She brung twenty cents. 

Sister Grimshaw had, and she owned it right out and out, got fourdollars and fifty-three cents by sellin' butter on the sly. She had tookit out of the butter tub when Brother Grimshaw's back wuz turned, andsold it to the neighbors for money at odd times through the year, andbesides gettin' her a dress cap (for which she wuz fairly sufferin'), she gin the hull to the meetin' house. 

There wuz quite dubersome looks all round the room when she handed inthe money and went right out, for she had a errent to the store. 

And Sister Gowdy spoke up and said she didn't exactly like to use moneygot in that way. 

But Sister Lanfear sprunted up, and brung Jacob right into the argument, and the Isrealites who borrowed jewelry of the Egyptians, and then shebrung up other old Bible characters, and held 'em up before us. 

But still we some on us felt dubersome. And then another sister spoke upand said the hull property belonged to Sister Grimshaw, every mite ofit, for he wuzn't worth a cent when he married her--she wuz the widderBettenger, and had a fine property. And Grimshaw hadn't begun to earnwhat he had spent sense (he drinks). So, sez she, it all belongs toSister Grimshaw, by right. 

Then the sisters all begin to look less dubersome. But I sez:

"Why don't she come out openly and take the money she wants for her ownuse, and for church work, and charity?"

"Because he is so hard with her, " sez Sister Lanfear, "and tears roundso, and cusses, and commits so much wickedness. He is willin' she shoulddress well--wants her to--and live well. But he don't want her to spenda cent on the meetin' house. He is a atheist, and he hain't willin' sheshould help on the Cause of religeon. And if he knows of her givin'any to the Cause, he makes the awfulest fuss, scolds, and swears, andthreatens her, so's she has been made sick by it, time and agin. "

"Wall, " sez I, "what business is it to him what she does with her ownmoney and her own property?"

I said this out full and square. But I confess that I did feel a littledubersome in my own mind. I felt that she ort to have took it moreopenly. 

And Sister Grimshaw's sister Amelia, who lives with her (onmarried andolder than Sister Grimshaw, though it hain't spozed to be the case, forshe has hopes yet, and her age is kep). She had been and contoggledthree days and a half for Miss Elder Minkley, and got fifty cents a dayfor contogglin'. 

She had fixed over the waists of two old dresses, and contoggled aold dress skirt so's it looked most as well as new. Amelia is a goodcontoggler and a good Christian. And I shouldn't be surprised any day tosee her snatched away by some widower or bachelder of proper age. Shewould be willin', so it is spozed. 

Wall, Sister Henn kinder relented at the last, and brung two pairs offowls, all picked, and tied up by their legs. And we thought it wuzkinder funny and providential that one Henn should bring four moreof'em. 

But we wuz tickled, for we knew we could sell 'em to the grocer man atJonesville for upwerds of a dollar bill. 

[Illustration: "SUBMIT TEWKSBURY DID BRING THAT PLATE. "]

And Submit Tewksbury, what should that good little creeter bring, and wecouldn't any of us hardly believe our eyes at first, and think she couldpart with it, but she did bring _that plate_. That pink edged, chinyplate, with gilt sprigs, that she had used as a memorial of SamuelDanker for so many years. Sot it up on the supper table and wept infront of it. 

Wall, she knew old china like that would bring a fancy price, and shehadn't a cent of money she could bring, and she wanted to do her fullpart towerds helpin' the meetin' house along--so she tore up hermemorial, a-weepin' on it for hours, so we spozed, and offered it up, aburnt chiny offerin' to the Lord. 

Wall, I am safe to say, that nothin' that had took place that day hadbegun to affect us like that. 

To see that good little creeter lookin' pale and considerble wan, handin that plate and never groan over it, nor nothin', not out loud shedidn't, but we spozed she kep up a silent groanin' inside of her, for weall knew the feelin' she felt for the plate. 

It affected all on us fearfully. 

But the treasurer took it, and thanked her almost warmly, and Submitmerely sez, when she wuz thanked: "Oh, you are entirely welcome to it, and I hope it will fetch a good price, so's to help the cause along. "

And then she tried to smile a little mite. But I declare that smile wuzmore pitiful than tears would have been. 

Everybody has seen smiles that seemed made up, more than half, of unshedtears, and withered hopes, and disappointed dreams, etc. , etc. 

Submit's smile wuz of that variety, one of the very curiusest of 'em, too. Wall, she gin, I guess, about two of 'em, and then she went and sotdown. 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

And now I am goin' to relate the very singulerist thing that everhappened in Jonesville, or the world--although it is eppisodin' to tellon it now, and also a-gettin' ahead of my story, and hitchin', as youmay say, my cart in front of my horse. But it has got to be told and Idon't know but I may as well tell it now as any time. 

Mebby you won't believe it. I don't know as I should myself, if it wuztold to me, that is, if it come through two or three. But any way it isthe livin' truth. 

That very night as Submit Tewksbury sat alone at her supper table, a-lookin' at that vacent spot on the table-cloth opposite to her, wherethe plate laid for Samuel Danher had set for over twenty years, sheheard a knock at the door, and she got up hasty and wiped away her tearsand opened the door. A man stood there in the cold a-lookin' into thewarm cosy little room. He didn't say nothin', he acted strange. He ginSubmit a look that pierced clear to her heart (so they say). A lookthat had in it the crystallized love and longin' of twenty years offaithfulness and heart hunger and homesickness. It wuz a strange look. 

Submit's heart begun to flutter, and her face grew red and then white, and she sez in a little fine tremblin' voice, "Who be you?"

And he sez, "I am Samuel Danker. "

And then they say she fainted dead away, and fell over the rockin'chair, he not bein' near enough to ketch her. 

And he brung her to on a burnt feather that fell out of the chaircushion when she fell. There wuz a small hole in it, so they say, andthe feather oozed out. 

I don't tell this for truth, I only say that _they say_ thus and so. 

[Illustration: "I AM SAMUEL DANKER. "]

But as to Samuel's return, that I can swear to, and so can Josiah. Andthat they wuz married that very night of his return, that too can beswore to. A old minister who lived next door to Submit--superanuated, but life enough in him to marry 'em safe and sound, a-performin' theceremony. 

It made a great stir in Jonesville, almost enormus. 

But they wuz married safe enough, and happy as two gambolin' lambs, sothey say. Any way Submit looks ten years younger than she did, and Idon't know but more. I don't know but she looks eleven or twelve yearsyounger, and Samuel, why they say it is a perfect sight to see how happyhe looks, and how he has renewed his age. 

The hull affair wuz very pleasin' to the Jonesvillians. Why there wuzn'tmore'n one or two villians but what wuz fairly delighted by it, and theywuz spozed to be envius. 

And I drew severel morals from it, and drew 'em quite a good ways too, over both religous and seckuler grounds. 

One of the seekuler ones wuz drawed from her not settin' the table forhim that night, for the first time for twenty years, givin' away theplate, and settin' on (with tears) only a stun chiny one for herself. How true it is that if a female woman keeps dressed up slick, piles ofextra good cookin' on hand, and her house oncommon clean, and she setsdown in a rockin' chair, lookin' down the road for company. 

[Illustration: "THEY DON'T COME!"] _They don't come!_

But let her on a cold mornin' leave her dishes onwashed, and her floorsonswept, and put on her husband's old coat over her meanest dress, andgo out (at his urgent request) to help him pick up apples before thefrost spiles 'em. She a-layin' out to cook up some vittles to put on toher empty shelves when she goes into the house, she not a-dreamin' ofcompany at that time of day. 

_They come!_

Another moral and a more religeus one. When folks set alone sheddin'tears on their empty hands, that seem to 'em to be emptied of allhope and happiness forever. Like es not some Divine Compensation isa-standin' right on the door steps, ready to enter in and dwell with'em. 

Also that when Submit Tewksbury thought she had gin away for conscience'sake, her dearest treasure, she had a dearer one gin to her--SamuelDanker by name. 

[Illustration: "THEY COME. "]

Also I drew other ones of various sizes, needless to recapitulate, fortime is hastenin', and I have eppisoded too fur, and to resoom, and takeup agin on my finger the thread of my discourse, that I dropped in theMethodist meetin' house at Jonesville, in front of the treasurer. 

Wall, Submit brought the plate. 

Sister Nash brought twenty-three cents all in pennys, tied up in thecorner of a old handkercif. She is dretful poor, but she had picked upthese here and there doin' little jobs for folks. 

And we hadn't hardly the heart to take 'em, nor the heart to refusetakin' 'em, she wuz so set on givin' 'em. And it wuz jest so with MahalaCrane, Joe Cranes'es widder. 

She, too, is poor, but a Christian, if there ever wuz one. She had madefive pair of overhawls for the clothin' store in Loontown, for which shehad received the princely revenue of fifty cents. 

She handed the money over to the treasurer, and we wuz all on usextremely worked upon and wrought up to see her do it, for she did itwith such a cheerful air. And her poor old calico dress she had on wuzso thin and wore out, and her dingy alpaca shawl wuz thin to mendin', and all darned in spots. We all felt that Mahala had ort to took themoney to get her a new dress. 

[Illustration: "SISTER ARVILLY LANFRAR, CANVASSIN' FOR A BOOK. "]

But we dasted none on us to say so to her. I wouldn't have been the one totell her that for a dollar bill, she seemed to be so happy a-givin' herpart towerds the fair, and for the good of the meetin' house she loved. 

Wall, Sister Meachim had earned two dollars above her wages--she is amillinner by perswasion, and works at a millinner's shop in Jonesville. She had earned the two dollars by stayin' and workin' nights after theday's work wuz done. 

And Sister Arvilly Lanfear had earned three dollars and twenty-eightcents by canvassin' for a book. The name of the book wuz: "The Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man. "

And Arvilly said she had took solid comfort a-sellin' it, though shehad to wade through snow and slush half way up to her knees some of thetime, a-trailin' round from house to house a-takin' orders fer it. Shesaid she loved to sell a book that wuz full of truth from the front pageto the back bindin'. 

As for me I wouldn't gin a cent for the book, and I remember we hadsome words when she come to our house with it. I told her plain that Iwouldn't buy no book that belittled my companion, or tried to--sez I, "Arvilly, men are _jest_ as good as wimmen and no better, not a mitebetter. "

And Arvilly didn't like it, but I made it up to her in other ways. Igin her some lamb's wool yarn for a pair of stockin's most immegictlyafterwerds, and a half bushel of but'nuts. She is dretful fond ofbut'nuts. 

[Illustration: "OLD MISS BALCH. "]

Wall, Sister Shelmadine had sold ten pounds of maple sugar, and broughtthe worth on it. 

And Sister Henzy brung four dollars and a half, her husband had gin herfor another purpose, but she took it for this, and thought there wuzn'tno harm in it, as she laid out to go without the four dollars and ahalt's worth. It was fine shoes he had gin the money for, and shecalculated to make the old ones do. 

And Sister Henzy's mother, old Miss Balch, she is eighty-three yearsold, and has inflamatery rheumatiz in her hands, which makes 'em allswelled up and painful. But Sister Henzy said her mother had knit threepairs of fringed mittens (the hardest work for her hands she could havelaid holt of, and which must have hurt her fearful). But Miss Henzy saida neighbor had offered her five dollars fer the three pairs, and so shefelt it wuz her duty to knit 'em, to help the fair along. She is a verystrong Methodist, and loved to forwerd the interests of Zion. 

She wuz goin' to give every cent of the money to the meetin' house, soSister Henzy said, all but ten cents, that she _had_ to have to getPond's Extract with, to bathe her hands. They wuz in a fearful state. Weall felt bad for old Miss Balch, and I don't believe there wuz a womanthere but what gin her some different receipt fer helpin' her hands, besides sympathy, lots and lots of it, and pity. 

Wall, Sister Sypher'ses husband is clost, very clost with her. She don'thave anythin' to give, only her labor, as well off as they be. And nowhe wuz so wrapped up in that buzz saw mill business that she wouldn'thave dasted to approach him any way, that is, to ask him for a cent. 

Wall, what should that good little creeter do but gin all the money shehad earned and saved durin' the past year or two, and had laid by foremergincies or bunnets. 

She had got over two dollars and seventy-five cents, which she handedright over to the treasurer of the fair to get materials for fancy work. When they wuz got she proposed to knit three pairs of men's socks outof zephyr woosted, and she said she was goin' to try to pick enoughstrawberrys to buy a pair of the socks for Deacon Sypher. She said itwould be a comfort for her to do it, for they would be so soft for theDeacon's feet. 

Wall, Sister Gowdy wuz the last one to gin in dress gin to her by heruncle out to the Ohio. It wuz gin her to mourn for her mother-in-law in. 

And what should that good, willin' creeter do but bring that dress andgin it to the fair to sell. 

We hated to take it, we hated to like dogs, for we knew Sister Gowdyneeded it. 

But she would make us take it; she said "if her Mother Gowdy wuz alive, she would say to her, "Sarah Ann, I'd ruther not be mourned for in bombazeen than to have thedear old meetin' house in Jonesville go to destruction. Sell the dressand mourn fer me in a black calico. "

_That_ Sister Gowdy said would be, she knew, what Mother Gowdy would sayto her if she wuz alive. 

And we couldn't dispute Sarah Ann, for we all knew that old Miss Gowdyworked for the meetin' house as long as she could work for anything. She loved the Methodist meetin' house better than she loved husband orchildren, though she wuz a good wife and mother. She died with cramps, and her last request wuz to have this hymn sung to her funeral:

 [Illustration: "I LOVE THY KINGDOM, LORD. "]

 "I love thy kingdom, Lord, The house of thine abode, The church our dear Redeemer bought With His most precious blood. "

The quire all loved Mother Gowdy, and sung it accordin' to her wishes, and broke down, I well remember, at the third verse--

 "For her my tears shall fall, For her my prayers ascend, For her my toil and life be given, Till life and toil shall end. "

The quire broke down, and the minister himself shed tears to think howshe had carried out her belief all her life, and died with the thoughtof the church she loved on her heart and its name on her lips. 

Wall, the dress would sell at the least calculation for eight dollars;the storekeeper had offered that, but Sarah Ann hoped it would bring tento the fair. 

It wuz a cross to Sarah Ann, so we could see, for she had loved MotherGowdy dretful well, and loved the uncle who had gin it to her, and shehadn't a nice black dress to her back. But she said she hadn't livedwith Mother Gowdy twenty years for nothin', and see how she would alwayssacrifice anything and everything but principle for the good of themeetin' house. 

Sister Gowdy is a good-hearted woman, and we all on us honored her forthis act of hern, though we felt it wuz almost too much for her to doit. 

Wall, Sister Gowdy wuz the last one to gin in her testimony, and havin'got through relatin' our experiences we proceeded to business andpaperin'. 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 

Sister Sylvester Bobbet and I had been voted on es the ones bestqualified to lead off in the arjeous and hazerdous enterprize. 

And though we deeply felt the honor they wuz a-heapin' on to us, yetes it hes been, time and agin, in other high places in the land, if ithadn't been fer duty that wuz a-grippin' holt of us, we would gladlyhave shirked out of it and gin the honor to some humble but worthyconstituent. 

Fer the lengths of paper wuz extremely long, the ceilin' fearfully high, and oh! how lofty and tottlin' the barells looked to us. And we both onus, Sister Sylvester Bobbet and I, had giddy and dizzy spells right onthe ground, let alone bein' perched up on barells, a-liftin' our arms upfur, fur beyond the strength of their sockets. 

[Illustration: "WE FELT NERVED UP TO DO OUR BEST. "]

But duty wuz a-callin' us, and the other wimmen also, and it wuzn't forme, nor Sister Sylvester Bobbet to wave her nor them off, or shirk outof hazerdous and dangerous jobs when the good of the Methodist Meetin'House wuz at the Bay. 

No, with as lofty looks as I ever see in my life (I couldn't see my own, but I felt 'em), and with as resolute and martyrous feelin's as everanimated two wimmen's breasts, Sister Sylvester Bobbet and I graspedholt of the length of paper, one on each end on it, Sister ArvillyLanfear and Miss Henzy a-holdin' it up in the middle like Aaron and Hura-holdin' up Moses'ses arms. We advanced and boldly mounted up onto ourtwo barells, Miss Gowdy and Sister Sypher a-holdin' two chairs stiddyfor us to mount up on. 

Every eye in the meetin' house wuz on us. We felt nerved up to do ourbest, even if we perished in so doin', and I didn't know some of thetime but we would fall at our two posts. The job wuz so much morewearin' and awful than we had foreboded, and we had foreboded about itday and night for weeks and weeks, every one on us. 

The extreme hite of the ceilin'; the slipperyness and fragility of thelengths of paper; the fearful hite and tottlin'ness of the barells; thedizzeness that swept over us at times, in spite of our marble efforts tobe calm. The dretful achin' and strainin' of our armpits, that bid fairto loosen 'em from their four sockets. The tremenjous responsibilitythat laid onto us to get the paper on smooth and onwrinkled. 

It wuz, takin' it altogether, the most fearful and wearisome hour of myhull life. 

Every female in the room held her breath in deathless anxiety (aboutthirty breaths). And every eye in the room wuz on us (about fifty-nineeyes--Miss Shelmadine hain't got but one workin' eye, the other isglass, though it hain't known, and must be kep). 

Wall, it wuz a-goin' on smooth and onwrinkled--smiles broke out on everyface, about thirty smiles--a half a minute more and it would be done, and done well. When at that tryin' and decisive moment when the fate ofour meetin' house wuz, as you may say, at the stake, we heard the soundof hurryin' feet, and the door suddenly opened, and in walked JosiahAllen, Deacon Sypher, and Deacon Henzy followed by what seemed to me atthe time to be the hull male part of the meetin' house. 

But we found out afterwerds that there wuz a few men in the meetin'house that thought wimmen ort to set; they argued that when wimmen hadbeen standin' so long they out to set down; they wuz good dispositioned. But as I sez at the time, it looked to us as if every male Methodist inthe land wuz there and present. 

They wuz in great spirits, and their means wuz triumphant and satisfied. 

They had jest got the last news from the Conference in New York village, and had come down in a body to disseminate it to us. 

They said the Methodist Conference had decided that the seven wimmenthat had been stood up there in New York for the last week, couldn'tset, that they wuz too weak and fraguile to set on the Conference. 

And then the hull crowd of men, with smiles and haughty linements, besetJosiah to read it out to us. 

So Josiah Allen, with his face nearly wreathed with a smile, a blissfulsmile, but as high headed a one as I ever see, read it all out to us. But he should have to hurry, he said, for he had got to carry the greatand triumphant news all round, up as fur as Zoar, if he had time. 

[Illustration: "THE METHODIST CONFERENCE HAD DECIDED THAT WIMMEN WUZTOO WEAK TO SET. "]

And so he read it out to us, and as we see that thatbreadth wuz spilte, we stopped our work for a minute and heard it. 

And after he had finished it, they all said it wuz a masterly dockument, the decision wuz a noble one, and it wuz jest what they had always said. They said they had always known that wimmen wuz too weak, her frame wuztoo tender, she was onfitted by Nater, in mind and in body to contendwith such hardship. And they all agreed that it would be puttin' the menin a bad place, and takin' a good deal offen their dignity, if the fairsex had been allowed by them to take such hardships onto 'em. And theysez, some on 'em, "Why! what are men in the Methodist meetin' house for, if it hain't to guard the more weaker sect, and keep cares offen 'em?"

And one or two on 'em mentioned the words, "cooin' doves" and "sweettender flowerets, " as is the way of men at such times. But they wuz intoo big a hurry to spread themselves (as you may say) in this direction. They had to hurry off to tell the great news to other places inJonesville and up as fer as Loontown and Zoar. 

But Sister Arvilly Lanfear, who happened to be a-standin' in the dooras they went off, she said she heard 'em out as fer as the gatea-congratilatin' themselves and the Methodist Meetin' House and thenation on the decesion, for, sez they, "Them angels hain't strong enough to set, and I've known it all thetime. "

And Sister Sylvester Gowdy sez to me, a-rubbin' herachin' armpits--

"If they are as beet out as we be they'd be glad to set down onanything--a Conference or anything else. "

And I sez, a-wipin' the presperatin of hard labor from my forwerd, "For the land's sake! Yes! I should think so. "

And then with giddy heads and strainin' armpits we tackled the meetin'house agin. 

[Illustration: The End]

PUBLISHERS' APPENDIX. 

In view of the frequent reference, in this work, to the discussion inand preceding the General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Churchof 1888, in regard to the admission of women delegates, the publishershave deemed it desirable to append the six following addresses deliveredon the floor of the Conference during the progress of that discussion. 

The General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church is the highestlegislative body of that denomination. It is composed of delegates, bothministerial and lay, the former being elected by the Annual Conferences, and the latter by Lay Electoral Conferences. The sessions of the GeneralConference are held quadrennially. 

Prior to the session held in May, 1888, in New York City, womendelegates were elected, one each, by the four following Lay ElectoralConferences--namely, The Kansas Conference, The Minnesota Conference, The Pittsburgh Conference, and The Rock River Conference. Protest wasmade against the admission of these delegates on the ground that theadmission of women delegates was not in accord with the constitutionalprovisions of the Church, embodied in what are termed the RestrictiveRules. A special Committee on the Eligibility of Women to Membership inthe General Conference was appointed, consisting of seventeen members, to whom the protest was referred. On May 3d the Committee reportedadversely to the admission of the four women delegates, the reportalleging "that under the Constitution and laws of the Church as they noware, women are not eligible as lay delegates in the General Conference. "From the discussion following this report, and lasting several days, thefollowing six addresses, three in favor of and three against theadmission of the women delegates, are selected and presented, with a fewverbal corrections, as published in the official journal of theConference. 

ADDRESS OF REV. DR. THEODORE L. FLOOD. 

I am in accord, in the main, with Dr. Potts and Dr. Brush in what theyhave said on this question, unless it may be where my friend who lastspoke said that these ladies, these elected delegates to this body, ought to be admitted. My judgment and my conscience before theDiscipline of the Methodist Episcopal Church and the Restrictive Rulesis that these women elected by these Electoral Conferences are in thisGeneral Conference. 

Their names may not have been called when the roll was called, and yetit was distinctly stated by the Bishop presiding that morning that theywould be called, and the challenges presented with their names; andafterward demanded it, the names of these delegates who were notenrolled with the others were called, and the protests were read. Theirnames have been called as members of this body, and they are simply hereas "challenged" members. From that standpoint this question must bediscussed, and any disposition of this case under the circumstances mustbe in this direction. These women delegates must be put out of thisGeneral Conference if they are not granted the rights and privilegesof members here. It is not a question of "admitting" them. Before thisreport, before the bar of history, we stand, and will be called upon tovote and act, and millions of people will hold us responsible, and Idare say that our votes will be recorded as to whether they shall be"put out" or "stay in. "

Why, sir, the government of the Methodist Episcopal Church existsfor the ministry and membership of the Church. The ministry and themembership of the Church do not exist for the government. The world wasmade for man, and not man for the world. That is the fundamental ideain the government of God, as He treats us as human beings. That is thefundamental idea in the government of the Methodist Episcopal Church, as we are enlisted in the support of that government as ministersand members of the Church. Now under this system of ecclesiasticalgovernment a time came in our history when we submitted a grave questionto the membership of the Church. It was not a question simply ofpetition, asking the membership to send petitions up to the GeneralConference. On the contrary, it was submitting a constitutional questionnot simply to the male members of the Church, for that grand and nobleman of the Methodist Church, Dr. David Sherman of the New EnglandConference, moved himself to strike out the word "male" from the reportof the Committee on Lay Delegation. It came to a vote, and it wasstricken out, two to one in the vote. When that was done, then theGeneral Conference of our Church submitted to the membership of theChurch the question of lay delegation. But back of the question of laydelegation was as grave a question, and that was granting the right ofsuffrage to the women of the Church. The General Conference assumedthe responsibility of giving to the women the right to vote. It may bequestioned this way; it may be explained that way; but the factsabide that the General Conference granted to the women of the Church theright to vote on a great and important question in ecclesiastical law. Now if you run a parallel along the line of our government--and it hasoften been said that there are parallels in the government of the UnitedStates corresponding to lines of legislation and legislative action inthe government of the Church--you will find that the right of suffragein the country at the ballot-box has been a gradual growth. One of themost sacred rights that a man, an American citizen, enjoys is the rightto cast a ballot for the man or men he would have legislate for him; andfor no trivial reason can that right, when once granted to the Americancitizen, be taken away from him. Go to the State of Massachusetts, andtrace the history of citizen suffrage, and you find it commenced in thisway: First, a man could vote under the government there who was a memberof the Church. Next, he could vote if he were a freeholder. A littlelater on he could vote if he paid a poll-tax. In the government, andunder the legislation of our Church, first the women were granted theright to vote on the principle of lay delegation, not on the "plan"of lay delegation, but on the "principle" of lay delegation. That wasdecided by Bishop Simpson in the New Hampshire Conference, and by BishopJanes afterward in one of the New York Conferences. On the principleof lay delegation, the women of the Church were granted the right ofsuffrage; presently they appeared in the Quarterly Conference, to voteas class-leaders, stewards, and Sunday-school superintendents; and itcreated a little excitement, a feverish state of feeling in the Church, and the General Conference simply passed a resolution or a ruleinterpreting that action on the part of women claiming this privilegein the Quarterly Conference as being a "right, " and it was continued. Presently, as the right of suffrage of women passed on and grew, theyvoted in the Electoral Conferences, and there was no outcry made againstit. I have yet to hear of any Bishop in the Church, or any presidingelder, or any minister challenging the right of women to vote inElectoral Conferences or Quarterly Conferences; and yet for sixteenyears they have been voting in these bodies; voting to send laymen hereto legislate; to send laymen to the General Conference to elect Bishopsand Editors and Book Agents and Secretaries. They come to where votescount in making up this body; they have been voting sixteen years, andonly now, when the logical result of the right of suffrage that theGeneral Conference gave to women appears and confronts us by womencoming here to vote as delegates, do we rise up and protest. I believethat it is at the wrong time that the protest comes. It should have comewhen the right to vote was granted to women in the Church. It is sixteenyears too late, and as was very wisely said by Dr. Potts, the objectioncomes not so much from the Constitution of the Church as from the"constitution of the men, " who challenge these women. 

Now, sir, another parallel. You take the United States Government justafter the war, when the colored people of the South, the freedmen of ourland, unable to take care of themselves, their friends, that had foughtthe battles of the war, in Congress determined that they should beprotected, if no longer by bayonets and cannon, that they shouldbe protected by placing the ballot in their hands, and the ballot wasplaced in the hands of the freedman of the South by the action of theNational Congress, Congress submitting a constitutional amendment to thelegislatures of the States; and when enough of them had voted in favorof it, and the President had signed the bill, it became an amendment tothe Constitution of the United States, granting to the people of theSouth, who had been disfranchised, the right of suffrage. 

Now, what does the right of suffrage do? It carries with it the rightto hold office. Where women have the privileges of voting on the schoolquestion, they are granted the privilege of being school directors, holding the office of superintendents, and the restriction on them stopsat that point under statute law. If you go a little further you willfind that when the freedmen were enfranchised, and they sent men oftheir own color to the House of Representatives, did that body say"stop!" "we protest, you cannot come in because of illegality"? No. Theywere admitted on the face of their credentials because they had firstbeen granted the right of suffrage. When men of their color went to theUnited States Senate and submitted their credentials, they were notprotested against, but they were admitted as members of the UnitedStates Senate on the face of their credentials. And why? Becausethe right of suffrage granted to the freedmen of the South under aconstitutional amendment of the nation, carried with it the right ofthe men whom we fought to free, and did free, in an awful war, to holdoffice in the nation. Now, sir, you must interpret the law somewhat bythe spirit of the times in which you live. That is a mistaken notionto say that you must always go to the men that made the law to get theinterpretation of it. If that were true, would it not always be wisefor legislators to give their affidavits and place on file theirinterpretation of the law they had confirmed, and placed on the statutebooks? There are legal gentlemen in this body who will tell you that itgoes for very little when you come to interpret law. And yet you willfind this to be true, that a law must be interpreted somewhat by thespirit of the time in which you live. Why, twenty years ago, when theGeneral Conference handed the question of lay delegation down to theAnnual Conferences, and the members of our Church, there was not awoman practising law in the Supreme Court of the United States. Go backthrough the history of jurisprudence of this country and in England, andyou will find that it had never been known that a woman practised law inthe Supreme Court of this country or England. But to-day women have beenadmitted to practise law in the Supreme Court of the United States. Noamendment to the Constitution of the United States had to be adoptedin order to secure this privilege for them. But this is true, that thejudges of the Supreme Court, by a more liberal interpretation of theConstitution of the United States, said, "Women may be officers of theSupreme Court, and may practise law there. " The same kind of a spirit, in interpreting the Discipline and the Restrictive Rules of theDiscipline of the Church, will place these women delegates in this bodywhere they have been sent. The same thing is true of the Supreme Courtof Pennsylvania and in the Courts of Philadelphia. There is no way out, as my judgment sees, and as my conscience tells me, since before thegovernment of God man and woman are equally responsible. There is no wayout of this dilemma for this General Conference, but to say that thesewomen delegates shall sit in this body, where they have been sent, andwhere their names have been called. 

Why, take the missionary operations. The Woman's Missionary Society isto-day raising more money and doing more missionary work than the ParentMissionary Society did fifty years ago. And yet men legislate concerningthe missionary operations of women, and give them no voice directly inthis body. 

We bring up the temperance question here against license and in favorof Prohibition, and we pass our resolutions after we have given ourdiscussions, and yet the Methodist Church has the honor of having in theranks of her membership--(Time called. )

ADDRESS OF REV. DR. JAMES M. BUCKLEY. 

Mr. President, while the last speaker was on the floor, a modificationof a passage of Scripture occurred to me, "The enemy cometh in likea flood, but I will lift up a standard against him. " It is somewhatpeculiar that he should begin by making a statement about one of themost honored names in American Methodism, a statement that has beenpublished in the papers, and that nine tenths of this body knew as wellas he did. It must have been intended as a part of his argument, and Iregard it as of as much force as anything he said after it. But inpoint of fact the question does not turn upon the person, but upon theprinciple. I have received an anonymous letter containing the followingamong other things, "Beware how you attack the holy cause of woman. Doyou not know that obstacles to progress are rem-o-o-v-e-d out of theway?" The signature of that letter is ingenious. I cannot tell whetherit was a man or a woman, for it reads as follows, "A Lover of your Souland of Woman. " Now, Mr. President, the only candlestick that ought to beremoved out of its place is the candlestick that contains a candle thatdoes not burn the pure oil of truth. And I believe, sir, that with thebest of intentions the three speakers who have appeared have given usthree chapters in different styles of a work of fiction, and it is myduty to undertake to show where they have slipped. The Apocrypha says, "An eloquent man is known far and near; but a man of understandingdiscerneth where he slippeth. " I have no claim to eloquence; neverpretended to have any; but I have a claim to some knowledge of Methodisthistory, to some ability to state my sentiments, and to be without anyfear of the results, either present or prospective. 

Now, Mr. President, you notice from my friends that if they cannotcommand the judgment of the Conference they propose to say the women arein, and defy us to put them out. I am sorry that my friend did not takein the full significance of that. And they say that everybody who hasa certificate in form is in until he is put out. Why, they do notdiscriminate between ordinary contested cases and a case where theconstitutional point is involved. If these women have a right here, they have had it from the beginning by the Constitution. It is not acontested case as to whether John Smith was voted for by the people whoought to vote for him, or in the right place. Now, they talk of bringingup documents here. I wrote to the Hon. George F. Edmunds, the mostdistinguished member of the United States Senate, and simply put thisquestion, If a certificate of election in the Senate shows anything thatwould prove the person unworthy of a seat, would he be seated pending aninvestigation or not? He did not know what it referred to, and I readit _verbatim_. I never mentioned the name of Methodist, and I read_verbatim_ from his letter:

"No officer of the Senate has any right to decide any such question, and, therefore, every person admitted to a seat is admitted by, in fact, a vote of the Senate. The ordinary course in the Senate is, whenthe credentials appear to be perfectly regular, and there is nonotorious and undisputed fact or circumstance against the qualificationsand election of a senator, to admit him at once and settle the questionof his right afterward. But there have been cases in which the Senatedeclined to admit a claimant holding a regular certificate upon theground that enough was known to the Senate to justify its declining toreceive him until an inquiry should be had. Very truly yours, "GEORGE F. EDMUNDS. "

Now, Mr. President, all this twaddle about the women being in is basedupon the pretence that one woman is there now. The certificate showsthat they were women, though as yet no action has been taken in regardto them at all. If they were in, they were in with a constitutionalchallenge. I champion the holy cause of women. I stand here to championtheir cause against their being introduced into this body without theirown sex having had the opportunity of expressing their opinion uponthe subject. I stand here to protect them against being connected withmovements without law or contrary to law, and those who wish to bringthem in and those who say it is the constitution of the man andprejudice (my friend, Dr. Potts, said prejudice), they are persons, indeed, to stand up here as, _par excellence_ the champions of women!Is it the constitution of the men? Have you read the letter ofMrs. Caroline Wright in the _Christian Advocate_, one of our mostdistinguished American Methodist women? She does not wish to see themhere. It is the constitution of the woman in that case, and I am opposedto their being admitted until the general sentiment of the women and themen of our Church have an opportunity of being heard upon it. 

Now, Mr. President, note these facts.... This is not a fact, butmy opinion. I solemnly believe that there was never an hour in theMethodist Episcopal Church when it was in so great danger as it isto-day, not on account of the admission of these women, two of whom Ibelieve to be as competent to sit in judgment on this question as anyman on this floor. That is not the question, as I propose to show. Iassert freely, here and now, if the women are in under the RestrictiveRules, no power ought to put them out. If they are not in under theRestrictive Rules, nothing has been done since, in my judgment, bearingupon it. I am astounded that these brethren fancy that this questionhas no bearing at all on the meaning of that rule. That is a wonderfulthing. But we affirm that when the Church voted to introduce laydelegation, it not only did not intend to introduce women, but it didintend to fill up the whole body with men. That is what we affirm. Ifwe can prove it, it is a tower of help to us. If we cannot prove it, wecannot make out our case. But our contention is, that the Church didnot undertake to put women in, and it did undertake to fill up thecapacities and relations of the body with men. Now, look at it. No mangoes to the dictionary to find the meaning of the word "layman. " Thereis not a man that can find out the meaning of our Restrictive Rules fromthe dictionary. No living man can make out the meaning of a word in theRestrictive Rules from Webster's dictionary. You must get it from thehistory of the Church. Who is the "General Superintendent" by Webster orWorcester? The Methodist Episcopacy is the thing that is protected bythe Restrictive Rules. The dictionary does not tell how the CharteredFund shall be taken care of. Now they talk about laymen. They do notseem, I think, to understand the history of the thing. Some of them donot appear to understand the history of the English language. Why wasthe word "layman" ever introduced? Because there was a separate class ofclergy men in the world, but there was not a class of clergywomen in theworld. If there had been, there would have been a term for laywomen andfor clergywomen. And the word was invented to distinguish the laymenfrom the _clergy_men. Had there been clergywomen, there would have beenlaywomen. The "laity" means all the people, men, women, and children. Awoman is one of the laity, and so is every child in the country or inthe Church one of the laity. But when you speak of man acting as a unithe is a layman, but you never say a laywoman. You say: a woman. AbrahamLincoln said, "All these things are done and suffered, that governmentof the people, for the people, and by the people should not perishfrom the earth. " Now, people, the dictionary says, are men, women, andchildren. Did Abraham Lincoln mean that any women or children can takeany part in the government of the nation? No, no, no! He meant this. When he stood up and delivered his inaugural speech, he said this, "Theintent of the lawmaker is the law. "

I give them something from one of the greatest lawyers that ever livedto think of awhile--John Selden: "The only honest meaning of any word isthe intent of the man that wrote it. " At the time that the plan of laydelegation was adopted, there was not a single Conference of the Churchon this wide globe, not one that distinguished between the ministry andthe laity that allowed women to take any part in its law-making body. Some one will talk about the Quakers. But they deny the existence of theChurch, the sacraments of the Church, and make no distinction betweenthe ministry and the laity. Let them get up and show that there was everone Church in the world worthy of the name that allowed women to makeits laws. There is not one to-day. Let them name a Church, let them nameone that has allowed women in its law-making body; and yet such is theblinding power of gush that men will say that our fathers all understoodit and proposed to put women in. The fact is, that they only proposed toallow them to put us in. As soon as the General Conference adjourned thewomen made an appeal in a public statement. They were asked to vote forlay delegation, and were told that then they could set the Church right. The opponents appealed to them to vote against it on the ground that itwould not make any difference to them. James Porter, Daniel Curry, Dr. Hodgson (Professor Little thinks he was the greatest of them all) wrotea series of articles in the _Advocate_, and it never occurred to themthat the women could come into the General Conference. Lay delegationwas only admitted by 33 votes. Had there been a change of 33 votes theywould not have come in. Every member of the New York East Conferenceknows that Dr. Curry's influence was so powerful that he could almostget a majority against it. And they know if any one had set up anopposition to it on this ground, the whole Conference would have votedagainst the movement, and that if it had not been for Bishop Ames andBishop Janes, who went to the Wyoming Conference where the majority wasopposed to lay delegation, and by their influence there converted myfriend Olin and others, he knows that if this matter of the women hadbeen in or understood, the whole Conference would have been against it. It would not have been possible. Dr. Potts says that it is prejudice. Nothing of the kind. Do you know there are 12, 000 Methodist ministersthat are ciphers all the time except when they vote for delegates? Areyou going to presume that when the Church has a multitude of members, that it is going to sit here and change, by an interpretation, aRestrictive Rule, or put in what was never in, and never understood tobe in? The Restrictive Rule fills up the ministerial delegates. Everytime you put a woman in, you put a man out. This subject has never comeup here before. The question is this, Do those Restrictive Rules meananything? If they do, you cannot put in anything that the fathers didnot put in. And if you put in women as lawmakers; if you can read thoseRules and put them in there, you can change any one of the RestrictiveRules by a majority of one. And I want to say to you, that if you doit, you will prove to the Methodist Episcopal Church that the soleprotection we have against the caprice of a majority of the GeneralConference is not worth the paper it is written on. All you have to dois to get a majority of the Conference against the Episcopacy, and thenput any interpretation, and then you get a few women admitted, and thisyou call the progress of the age. Mr. Chairman, I believe in progress, and when the Church progresses far enough, it can change this law ina constitutional way. But it has not yet gone far enough. These menbelieve that the Church has never done it, or that it is best. Dr. Floodsaid that they must be brought in in the light of progress. I affirmthat Dr. Flood's arguments all point in that direction--they must beinterpreted in the light of progress. When you do that you have got adespotism. I want to go back to my constituents and say this: I exerciseall the power that our Charter gives me. But at the moment that anythingis proposed, and we put in what the fathers did not have before theireyes, at that moment I stop and say, Thus far, but no farther. Adespotism is a despotism, whether it is a despotism without restraint, the Czar with his wife, the Czar without his wife. You will turn thishouse into a despotism, and you will find it difficult to defendMethodism by its peculiar Constitution before the American people. 

If you want women in, there is another way to bring them in. Send thequestion around as you did for lay delegation. There was only a doubt inthe General Conference of 1868, and yet they had a sense of candor. JohnM'Clintock fought in favor of taking them in. But he said, "I think itbest to send the question around. " True progress is not gained in anyother way. Some prefer a shorter cut. Let me say to you, "He that comethin by the door, " the same hath a right to come in; but he that cometh inanother way, is not as respectable as in the other case. 

ADDRESS OF REV. DR. A. B. LEONARD. 

Mr. Chairman, unfortunately for me, I have received no anonymousletters. And so I have nothing either sensational or startling withwhich to introduce my speech. I shall not speak this morning underany fear of being removed as an obstruction, or of having my futureprospects blasted. It is my privilege, therefore, to speak to you thismorning upon this subject calmly and dispassionately, having no motiveto either suppress or exaggerate the truth. The party who wrote Dr. Buckley, threatening to remove him as an obstruction, must be highlygratified to know that that obstruction has already been removed. Brother Hughey removed the obstruction, extinguished the candle, anddestroyed the candlestick. 

We are to approach this question this morning, to discuss it purely uponits merits. The ground of constitutional law was traversed thoroughlyyesterday morning in the opening speech by Dr. Potts, a speech that, though he did not hear it himself, was heard by this body, and willbe heard through the length and breadth of the Church everywhere. Itremains for us who follow him simply to turn on a few side-lights hereand there, or to give an opportunity of viewing this question from anew point of view. And, first, there is a line of argument that may behelpful to some that has already been presented in part touching theadministration of our law and the interpretation of terms that isworthy, I think, of still further consideration. 

Dr. Buckley said in the New York _Christian Advocate_ of March 15th, 1888:

"The question of eligibility turns, first, upon whether the personsclaiming seats are laymen; secondly, whether they have been members ofthe Church for five years consecutively, and are at least twenty-fiveyears of age; and, thirdly, upon whether they have been duly elected. Ifwomen are found to be eligible under the law, they would stand upon thesame plane with men, in this particular, that they must be twenty-fiveyears, etc. "

Now, then, is a woman legally qualified to sit in the General Conferenceas a lay delegate? Is she a layman in the sense of that word in theDiscipline? If she be not in, she cannot be introduced contrary to lawby a mere majority vote of the General Conference. The Doctor sometimeswrites more clearly than he speaks, and it was so in the occasion ofwriting this article. Over against this we have one of (as Dr. Hamiltonwould say) the "subtle insinuations" of the Episcopal Address, whichdeclares that no definition of "layman" settles the question ofeligibility as to any class of persons. For many are classed aslaymen for the purposes of lay representation, and have to do with itofficially as laymen, yet themselves are ineligible as delegates. Well, in this case, we have the Episcopal Board over against the editor. Bothare right and both are wrong. The editor is right when he said of awoman, if she be a lay member her right is clear as that of any dulyelected man. But he is wrong when he denies to her a right to a seat inthis body as a layman. The Episcopal Address is wrong when it saysthat "no definition of the word 'layman' settles the question ofeligibility. " But it is right when it says, "Many are classed as laymenfor purposes of lay representation, and have to do with it officially aslay members who are not themselves eligible as delegates. "

In the practical work of the Church, and in the administration of itslaws, women have been regarded as laymen from the beginning until now. They pay quarterage. If they did not pay quarterage some of our salarieswould be very short. They contribute to our benevolent collections, andif it were not for their contributions, we would not to-day be shoutingover the "Million dollars for Missions. " They pray and testify in ourclass-meetings and prayer-meetings, and but for their presence amongus, many of those meetings would be as silent as the grave. They areamenable to law, and must be tried by the very same process by which menare tried. They are subject to the same penalty. They may be suspended;they may be expelled. In all these respects they have been regarded aslaymen from the beginning. Indeed, we have never recognized more thantwo orders in our Church. We have laymen and ministers. Up to 1872 butone of these orders was represented in this General Conference. ThisGeneral Conference was strictly a clerical organization. But in 1872 wemarked a new epoch in Methodist history, and a new element came intothis body, and has been in all our sessions since that date. The firststep, as has been mentioned here before, was taken in 1868, when thequestion of lay delegation was sent down to the members of the Churchover twenty-one years of age, and to the Annual Conferences. Dr. Queal, if I understood him, made what is, in my judgment, a fatal concession onthis question. He distinctly stated, if I understood him correctly, and I have not had time to refer to the report of his speech (if Imisinterpret him he will correct me), that when the motion to strikeout the word "male" was made, it was done for the purpose of putting a"rider" on the motion and cause its defeat, and when that fact was madeknown to those in favor of lay delegation, they said they would acceptit then with that interpretation, and the interpretation was that theamendment would let women into the General Conference. 

Now, that being true, all this talk about the idea of the "women comingin" being never entertained until very recently falls to the ground. Itwas present on that occasion. It was understood by those that opposedlay delegation, and that favored it, that if they passed this amendmentand the laymen were allowed to come in, it would open the door to allowwomen to come in also. 

L. C. Queal said:

I think I am entitled now to correct this putting of the case. 

Bishop Foss:

Are you misrepresented?

L. C. Queal:

I am misrepresented in this, that while I stated that Dr. Shermanput that on as a "rider, " with a view to defeating the bill, thatimmediately after thinking so I thought it might be the occasion ofsecuring the approval of the principle in the laity of the Church. Thatis all I stated. All the rest of Dr. Leonard's statement is his owninference--a misconstruction of the fact. A. B. Leonard:

I understood Dr. Queal as I stated. I have not had time to refer tothe speech he made. I leave his statement with you, and you have theprivilege of consulting his speech as it is printed this morning, inreference to this matter. It came to my thought very distinctly that theidea of the possibility of women coming in was then lodged in the mindsthat were both in favor of and opposed to lay delegation. 

Now, then, this vote that was taken, in accordance with the order of1868, laid the foundation stone for the introduction of women into thisbody. That sent the question of lay delegation down to be voted on bythe laity of the Church. If the women were not to be recognized as laityhere, why allow them to vote on the question of the laity at all? And, having allowed them to vote on the question of the laity, settling thevery foundation principle itself, with what consistency can we disallowthem a place in this General Conference, when by their votes they openedthe way for the laymen coming into this General Conference? Do you notremember that we had a vote previously, and the men only voted, and thatthe lay delegation scheme was defeated, and the _Methodist_, that waspublished in this city, being the organ of the lay delegationists, saidthat "votes ought to be weighed, not counted"? And then the question wassent back to be voted upon by both the men and the women? And let thelaymen of this General Conference remember that they are in this bodyto-day by reason of the votes of the women of the Methodist EpiscopalChurch. In 1880 we went still further. We went into the work ofconstruing pronouns. There had been women in the Quarterly Conferencespreviously to that date; but there was a mist in the air with regardto their legality there. The General Conference by its action did notpropose to admit women to the Quarterly Conferences. It simply proposedto clear away the mist and recognize their legal right to sit in theQuarterly Conference. Being in the Quarterly Conference, and in theDistrict Conference, they have the right to vote on every question thatcomes before such bodies. They vote to license ministers, to recommendministers to Annual Conferences, to recommend local preachers fordeacons' and elders' orders. They vote on sending delegates to our LayElectoral Conferences, and they vote in elections for delegates to LayElectoral Conferences, and they vote in elections for delegates from LayElectoral Conferences to this General Conference. And there are menon this floor to-day that would not be in this at all if they hadnot received the support of women in Lay Electoral Conferences. Now, brethren, let it be remembered that the votes of the women to senddelegates to the Lay Electoral Conferences were never challenged untilthey came here asking for seats. They were good enough to elect laymento this body, but not good enough to take seats with laymen in thisbody. With what consistency can laymen accept seats by the votes of thewomen and then deprive women of their seats? I am surprised at some ofthe "subtle insinuations" of the Episcopacy concerning constitutionallaw. Allow me to say at this point that, having introduced into theQuarterly Conference these women, and having given them a right tovote there, and in the District Conferences, and in the Lay ElectoralConferences, in all honesty we must do one of two things, if we wouldbe consistent, we must go back and take up that old foundation of laydelegation that we laid in 1868, or we must go forward and allow thesewomen to have their seats. In a word, we must either lay again the"foundation of repentance from dead work, or go forward to perfection. "And I am not in favor of going back. 

If it is true that the body of the Constitution is outside of theRestrictive Rules, and cannot be changed except in the way prescribedfor altering the Restrictive Rules, then I say that this GeneralConference has again and again been both lawless and revolutionary. Every paragraph of the chapter, known as the Constitution, beginningwith §63, and closing with §69, was put into that Constitution withoutany voice from an Annual Conference of this foot-stool. Not one singleone of them was ever submitted to an Annual Conference; §20, ¶183, stoodfor many years in the Constitution of the Church, but was transferredbodily from that Constitution by the General Conference to the positionit now occupies. You come and tell us to-day that we cannot change theConstitution outside of the Restrictive Rules without going down to theAnnual Conferences; it is too late in the day to say that. We have madetoo much history on that point. The present plan of lay delegation wasnot submitted to the Annual Conferences. Bishop Simpson definitelystated when he reported to the General Conference the result of the voteordered in 1868 that the question simply of the introduction of thelaity into the General Conference was presented to be voted upon by thelaity and by the Annual Conferences, but the "plan" was not submittedto either to be voted upon, and the "plan" for lay delegation by whichthese lay brethren occupy their seats here this morning was made inevery jot and tittle by the General Conference without any reference tothe Annual Conferences at all. 

I want to know, then, by what propriety we come here in this GeneralConference to say that there can be no change of Part I. Of theConstitution outside of the Restrictive Rules. The General Conferencecannot alter our articles of faith, it cannot abolish our Episcopacy; itcannot deprive our members of a right to trial and appeal. These comeunder the Restrictive Rules, and cannot be touched by this body withoutthe consent of the Annual Conferences; but all else has been frombeginning, and is now in the hands of the General Conference. Let it beremembered that this General Conference is a unique body. It is at oncea legislative and a judicial body; in the former capacity it makes law;in the latter capacity it has the power to construe law. 

It is at once a Congress, if you please, to enact law, and a supremecourt to interpret law. Now, then, in admitting women to our GeneralConference, we are simply construing the Constitution, and not changingthe Constitution. The Supreme Court of the United States gives decisionson the construing of the Constitution, and who ever heard of a decisionof the Supreme Court being sent down to be ratified by the StateLegislatures? The Supreme Court of the United States construes theConstitution, without any reference to the State Legislatures, and sowe construe law without any reference to the Annual Conferences. If wetouch the law inside of the Restrictive Rules, we must go down to theAnnual Conferences. Outside we are free to legislate as we may. 

What is the Constitution for? The Constitution is designed simply tolimit the powers of the Legislature. In my own State of Ohio, forillustration, we have an article in our Constitution that forbids ourLegislature to license the liquor traffic, but our legislators give alicense under the guise of taxing, but they cannot give us a licenselaw in form. The Constitution prevents it. There are States that haveConstitutions that have no word to say about the liquor traffic at all, while they may either tax, license, or prohibit. 

This is a fact that is well settled, that the Constitution is alimitation of legislative power, and where there is no such limitationthere is no restriction. 

ADDRESS OF REV. DR. ALFRED WHEELER. 

Mr. President, it will be well for us, so far as we have progressed inthis discussion, to see how near and how far we agree. It is admitted bythe friends of the report, or by the committee, that this is a questionof law, and to be decided exclusively upon principles of law. So far asthose who are opposed to the report have spoken, they conceive, as Iunderstand it, that the position taken by the committee is taken bythose who are advocating its adoption. Then we are agreed that it is nota matter of sentiment, it is not a matter of chivalry. There is no placefor knighthood, or any of its laws, or any other of the principles thatdominated the contests of the knights of old. If it were a matter ofknighthood there is not a man on this floor that would deem it necessaryto bring a lance into this body. All would be peace and quiet. 

There are none that would hail with more joy and gladness the women ofthe Church to a seat in this body than those of us who now, under thecircumstances, oppose their coming in. 

It is not either a matter of progressive legislation regarding thefranchise of colored men, or of anybody else in the country. It is aquestion of law, Methodist law, and Methodist law alone. 

Now, so far as the intention is concerned of those who made the law, Ido not see how those who have kept themselves conversant with thehistory of lay delegation can for a moment claim that it was even themost remote intention of those who introduced lay delegation into theGeneral Conference to bring in the women, and for us to transfer thefield now toward women, in view of their magnificent work in the lastten or fifteen years, back to twenty years, is to commit an anachronismthat would be fatal to all just interpretation of law. 

I myself was in the very first meeting that was ever called to initiatethe movement that at last brought in lay delegation. I voted for it; Iwrote for it; I spoke for it in the General Conference and in the AnnualConferences. I was a member of the first lay committee, or Committee onLay Delegation, that was appointed here by the General Conference in1868. And during all these various processes of discussion, so far as Iknow, the thought was never suggested that under it women would come into represent the laity, nor was it ever suggested that it was desirablethat they should; so that the intention of the law-maker could neverhave embraced this design--the design of bringing women into the GeneralConference. I leave that. 

Now, I claim that the General Conference has no legal authority to admitthem here. We are not an omnipotent body. I know that the Supreme Courtof the United States, in that contest between the Northern Church, orthe Methodist Episcopal Church, and the Church South, decided that theGeneral Conference was the Methodist Episcopal Church. I used thatargument myself upon the Conference floor in 1868, that the GeneralConference could, without any other process, by mere legislation, introduce the laity into this body. I claimed there and then that, according to that decision, the Methodist Episcopal Church was in theGeneral Conference. The General Conference refused to accept thatendorsement of that Court, or that proposition concerning theprerogatives of this body. And through all the processes that havebeen ordered concerning the introduction of lay delegation thatinterpretation of the constitution of the Church has been repudiated. The Church herself rejected the interpretation that the Supreme Courtplaced upon her constitution, and as a loyal son of the Church Iaccepted her interpretation of her own constitution, so that now I claimthat the General Conference has no authority whatever to change the_personnel_ of the General Conference without the vote of the AnnualConferences. Before it can be done constitutionally, you must obtain theconsent of the brethren of the Annual Conferences, and I am in favor ofthat, and of receiving an affirmative vote on their part. But until thisis done I do not see how they can come in only as we trample the organiclaw of our Church under our feet. And to do this, there is nothing butperil ahead of us. 

A simple body may disregard law with comparative impunity, but anorganic body that is complicated, complex in its nature, will find itsown security in adhering earnestly, strictly, and everlastingly, to thelaw that that body passes for the government of its own conduct. 

Let us see, now, with regard to this Restrictive Rule. As I have said, it has been admitted all along that the action of the Annual Conferencesmust be secured. Here comes in the decision of the General Conference of1872. I do not need to recite it. But let us bear in mind two facts. Oneis, that this General Conference is a legislative body, and that itis also a judicial body. As a judicial body, it interprets law; asa legislative body, it makes law. The General Conference of 1872interpreted law, and the General Conference may reverse itself withjust as much propriety as a court can reverse itself. And if it bethe judgment of this General Conference that that interpretation wasincorrect, it is perfectly competent for this Conference to say so, andhave its action correspond with its own decision. 

There is another point. The case that was before the General Conferenceof 1876 was a specific case. It was the case of the relation thatlocal preachers sustain to the Church, a particular case. This is theprinciple of all decisions in law, that when a particular case isdecided in general terms, the scope and comprehension of the decisionmust be limited to the particular case itself. And if a court in itsdecision embraces more than was involved in the particular case, it hasno force whatever. And as this was a particular case submitted tothe General Conference, and the decision was in general terms, itcomprehends simply the case that was before it, and cannot be advancedto comprehend more. And the reason of this is very obvious; for if itwas not the case, then cases might be brought before the court for itsdecision that had never occurred. 

There is another point I wish to notice. The General Conference of 1880did not see the effect that legislation would have by admitting womento certain offices. Certain affirmative legislation is also negativelegislation. When saloons are permitted to sell in quantities of onegallon, it forbids to sell in quantities of less than one gallon; whenit says you can sell in quantities of one barrel, it forbids them tosell in quantities of two. When the General Conference of 1880decided that women should be eligible in the Quarterly Conferences assuperintendents of Sunday-schools, class-leaders, and as stewards, bythat very affirmative conclusion, the subject was passed upon abouttheir taking any other position. That, I think, must be regarded assound, and a just interpretation of the law. 

But suppose it is not; the General Conference of 1880 certainly did notunderstand the matter as the General Conference of 1872 did. For if ithad, there would have been no necessity for legislation at all, therewould have been no need for putting in the law as it now stands, that the pronoun "he, " wherever employed, shall not be consideredas prohibiting women from holding the offices of Sunday-schoolSuperintendent, Class Leader, and Steward. 

Now, for this reason, and for the further reason that it is a matter ofimmense importance that we guard against despotism, I oppose changingthe _personnel_ of the General Conference without my Annual Conferencehas a right to vote upon it, and it is voted upon. Despotism is asuitable term. A General Conference may become a despot, and just assoon as it goes outside of its legitimate province, then it usurps, andso far as it usurps, it becomes despotic, and is a despot; and you andI, so far as our Annual Conferences are concerned, do well to regardwith a deep jealousy an infringement upon our organic rights. Theonly safety of the Church is the equipoise that is constituted by therelation the Annual Conferences sustain to the General Conference, and far safer is it for us to bring these women of the Church, elect, honorable women, into the General Conference of the Church by the sameway that their husbands and brothers are here. 

There is another thought that I wish to suggest. What are thepossibilities with regard to lay delegation, supposing the design ofthose who wish to bring women in without further action is successful?You make lay delegation a farce in this body. The presiding elders andpastors of the Church may act in co-operation, and they can electtheir own wives as delegates to this General Conference, and thuslay delegation comes to be a farce. Some of you may laugh at thissuggestion, but it is an _in posse_, and it may easily be made an _inesse_. It is important to us that the laity should hold the place theyhave by the regulations we have, and they should be changed only to makethem more perfect. 

No body is safe without adherence to law. We may set lightly by law; wemay regard it as a thing to be laid aside at the command of excitementor passion, but the nation that does that is a doomed nation, and theChurch that does that has its history already written. The only safecourse for us to pursue is to pursue the wise, careful, judicious, and conservative--I mean every word--and conservative course we haveheretofore pursued through all our history. When we boast of whatMethodism has done, or what she is going to do, let us remember it isbecause of her firm adherence to law. 

It is with her as it is with the German nation and the Anglo-Saxonrace--everywhere our glory is in our adherence to wise laws, and if wepass unwise laws, in repealing them in the same wise. 

ADDRESS OF GENERAL CLINTON B. FISK. 

Mr. President and Brethren, to an onlooker of this remarkable scene, this great debate now in the third day of its progress must besuggestive of some of the marvellous plays, woven into song, which havemade the hearts of the thronging multitudes who have crowded this placeof meeting in the past throb alternately with emotions of hope and fearas to the outcome of the parties involved in plot and counterplot. Thevisitors to this General Conference, seated in their boxes and in thefamily circle, Will say surely these honored men of God who have beencalled as Superintendents of the affairs of our great conquering Church, these chosen ministers of reconciliation and peace, these _male_laymen called by their brethren to their high places in this GeneralConference, whose names at home are the synonym of chivalrousgoodness--surely all these of rank and talent and authority, whose ableand eloquent words have been ringing through the arches and dome of thistemple of music on the wrong side of the question, are but simply actingthe parts assigned them. In the final scene they will join hands aroundthe eligible women elect, who, in obedience to the call of the laity intheir several Conferences, are in their seats with us, and say, "WhomGod hath joined, let not _male_ put asunder. " My brothers, let usbriefly restate the case. Five noble women of the laymen of theMethodist Episcopal Church have been chosen as delegates to this GeneralConference under the Constitution and by the forms prescribed by thelaws of the Church. As they enter, or attempt to enter, the portals ofthis great assemblage they hear a voice from the platform, in words notto be misunderstood, "Thou shalt not, " and voices from all parts of thehouse take up the prohibitory words, and supplement the voices of theBishops, "Thou shalt not. " And one would think, from the vehementoratory of the resisting delegates of this General Conference, that thefoundations of the Church were in imminent peril by the presence ofthese "elect ladies" among us. 

Let us turn back a moment, and review the history of the rise, progress, and triumph of the cause of lay representation. I claim to know a littlesomething about it, as I was on the skirmish line in the conflict, andin all its battles fought until the day of victory. 

In 1861, to the male members of the Church, was submitted the questionof lay representation. It failed of securing a majority vote. Had itcarried, there would have been plausibility in the argument thisday made against the eligibility of women to seats in this GeneralConference. The evolution of the succeeding eight years lifted woman toa higher appreciation of her position in the Methodist Church, and herrights and privileges became the theme of discussion throughout thebounds of the Church. Among the champions for woman was that magnificentman, that grand old man, Dr. Daniel D. Whedon, who, in discussing thisquestion, said:

"If it is _rights_ they talk of, every competent member of the Church ofChrist, of either sex and of every shade of complexion, has equaloriginal rights. Those rights, they may be assured, when that questioncomes fairly up, will be firmly asserted and maintained. "

And in answer to the expected fling, "But you are a woman's rights man, "he replied:

"We are a human rights man. And our mother was a human being. And ourwives, sisters, and daughters are all human beings. And that these humanbeings are liable as any other human beings to be oppressed by thestronger sex, and as truly need in self-defence a check upon oppression, the history of all past governments and legislation does most terriblydemonstrate. What is best in the State is not indeed with us thequestion; but never, with our consent, shall the Church of the livingGod disfranchise her who gave to the world its divine Redeemer. Whenthat disfranchisement comes to the debate, may the God of eternalrighteousness give us strength equal to our will to cleave it to theground!"

The General Conference of 1868, after full discussion, submitted thequestion of Lay Representation to a vote of all the members of theChurch, male and female, thus recognizing the women as laymen, asbelonging to the great body of the laity, and as vitally interested inthe government of the Church, and having rights under that government. During the debate on the report of the Committee on the plan forsubmitting the question as in 1861, to the male members, Dr. Shermanmoved to strike out the word "male. " While that motion was underconsideration, Dr. Slicer, of Baltimore, said, "If it were the lastmoment I should spend, and the last articulate sound I should utter, I should speak for the wives, mothers, and daughters of the MethodistEpiscopal Church.... I am for women's rights, sir, _wherever churchprivileges are concerned_. "

Dr. Sherman's motion was carried by a vote of 142 to 70, and thequestion of lay representation was submitted to all the members of theChurch over twenty-one years of age. The General Conference did not askwomen to vote on a proposition that only male members of the Churchshould be represented in the General Conference, and it did not thenenter the thought of any clear-headed man that women were to be deprivedof their rights to a seat in the General Conference. There were a fewnoisy, disorderly brethren who cried out from their seats, "No, no, " butthey were silenced by the presiding Bishop and the indignation of theright thinking, orderly delegates. 

What does the Rev. Dr. David Sherman, the mover of the motion to strikeout the word "male, " now say of the prevailing sentiment on that day ofgreat debate? I have his freshly written words in response to an inquirymade a few weeks ago. On March 21st he made this statement:

"Some of us believed that women were laymen, that the term 'men' in theDiscipline, as elsewhere, often designated not sex, but genus; and thatthose who constituted a main part of many of our churches should have avoice in determining under what government they would live. We believedin the rightful equality of the sexes before the law, and hence thatwomen should have the same right as men to vote and hold office. TheConference of 1868 was a reform body, and it seemed possible to takethese views on a stage; hence the amendment was offered, and carriedwith a rush and heartiness even beyond my expectations.... The latterinterpretation of the Conference making all not members of Conferenceslaymen, fully carried out these views, as they were understood at themoment by the majority party. Some, to be sure, cried out against it, but their voices were not heard amid the roar of victory. Who can goback of the interpretation of the supreme court of the Church?"

It is amazing that brethren will stand here to-day and utterly ignorethe decision of our Supreme Court in defining who are laymen. Couldthe utterances of any Court be more definite and clear than those of theGeneral Conference when it said, "The General Conference holds thatin all matters connected with the election of lay delegates the word'laymen' must be understood to include all the members of the Church whoare not members of the Annual Conferences"? This decision must includewomen among the laity of the Church. I know it is said that this meansthe classification of local preachers. We respond that that only appearsfrom the debate. The General Conference was settling a great principlein which the personal rights and privileges of two thirds of themembership of our Church were involved. Surely, our Supreme Court wouldhave made a strange decision had they, in defining laymen, exceptedwomen. Let us see how it would look in cold type had they said, "TheGeneral Conference holds that in all matters connected with the electionof lay delegates the word laymen must be understood to include all themembers of the Annual Conferences, _and who are not women_. " We wouldhave become the laughing-stock of Christendom had we made such anutterance. The Church universal in all ages has always divided itsmembership into two great classes, and two only, the clergy andthe laymen, using the terms laity and laymen synonymously andinterchangeably. See Bingham's "Antiquities, " Blackstone's"Commentaries, " Schaffs "History, " and kindred authorities. It is sheertrifling for sensible males to talk about a distinction between lay_men_and lay_women_. 

Women were made class-leaders, stewards, and Sunday-schoolsuperintendents, and employed in these several capacities long beforethe specific interpretations of the pronouns were made. They were soappointed and employed in Saint Paul's Church in this city during thepastorate of that sainted man, John M'Clintock, in 1860, and could thevoice of that great leader and lover of the Church reach us to day fromthe skies it would be in protest against the views presented in thisdebate by the supporters of the committee's report and its amendment. 

It is a well-established and incontrovertible principle of law that anyelector is eligible to the office for which said elector votes, unlessthere be a _specific enactment discriminating against the elector_. Ourlaw says that a lay delegate shall be twenty-five years of age, and fiveyears a member of the Methodist Episcopal Church. It does not say that adelegate must not be a woman, or must be a man. 

Women are eligible to membership in this General Conference. Women havebeen chosen delegates as provided by law. They are here in their seatsready for any duty on committees, or otherwise, as they may be invited. We cannot turn them out and slam the door on their exit. It would berevolutionary so to do by a simple vote of this body. It would be aviolation of the guarantees of personal liberty, a holding of thejust rights of the laity of the Church. We cannot exclude them frommembership in the General Conference, except by directing the AnnualConferences to vote on the question of their exclusion. Are we ready tosend that question in that form down to the Annual Conferences for theiraction? I trust that a large majority of this General Conference willsay with emphasis we are not ready for any such action. The women of ourMethodism have a place in the heart of the Church from which they cannotbe dislodged. They are our chief working members. They are at the veryfront of every great movement of the Church at home or abroad. In thespirit of rejoicing consecration our matrons and maids uphold thebanner of our Lord in every conflict with the enemy of virtue andrighteousness. Looking down upon us from these galleries, tier upontier, are the magnificent leaders of the Woman's Foreign and the Woman'sHome Missionary Societies. Our women are at the front of the battle nowwaging against the liquor traffic in our fair land, and they will notcease their warfare until this nation shall be redeemed from the curseof the saloon. God bless all these women of our great conquering Churchof the Redeemer. 

Twenty years ago Bishop Hurst accompanied me on a leisurely tour ofcontinental Europe. In the old city of Nuremberg we wandered amongthe old churches and market-places, where may be seen the marvellousproductions of that evangel of art, Albert Durer. In an old schloss inthat city may be found the diary of Albert Durer, almost four centuriesold. In it you may read as follows: "Master Gebhart, of Antwerp, hasa daughter seventeen years old, and she has illuminated the head of aSaviour for which I gave a florin. It is a marvel that a woman coulddo so much. " Three and a half centuries later Rosa Bonheur hangs hermaster-piece in the chief places of the galleries of the world, andHarriet Hosmer's studio contributes many of the best marbles that adornthe parlors of Europe and America, and no one wonders that a woman cando so much. From that day when Martin Luther, the protesting monk, andCatherine Von Bora, the ex-nun, stood together at the altar and thetwain became one, woman has by her own heroism, by her faith in her sexand in God, who made her, fought a good fight against the organizedselfishness of those who would withhold from her any right or privilegeto which she is entitled, and has lifted herself from slavery andbarbarism to a place by the side of man, where God placed her inparadise, his equal in tact and talent, moving upon the world with herunseen influences, and making our Christian civilization what it isto-day. Let not our Methodism in this her chiefest council say or doought that shall lead the world to conclude that we are retreating fromour advanced position of justice to the laity of the Church. Let usrather strengthen our guarantee of loving protection of every right andprivilege of every member of our Church, without distinction of race, color, or sex. Amen and Amen. 

ADDRESS OF JUDGE Z. P. TAYLOR. 

Mr. President and Gentlemen, when elected a delegate I had no opinion onthe constitutional question here involved. But I had then, and I havenow, a sympathy for the women, and a profound admiration of their work. No man on this floor stands more ready and more willing to assist themby all lawful and constitutional means to every right and and to everyprivilege enjoyed by men. 

But, sir, notwithstanding this admiration and sympathy, I cannot losesight of the vital question before the General Conference now and here. 

That question is this: Under the Constitution and Restrictive Rules ofthe Methodist Episcopal Church are women eligible as lay delegates inthis General Conference? If they are, then this substitute offered byDr. Moore does them an injustice, because it puts a cloud upon theirright and title to seats upon this floor. If they are not, then thisbody would be in part an unconstitutional body if they are admitted. 

It follows that whoever supports this substitute either wrongs the electladies or violates the Constitution. If they are constitutionally a partof this body, seat them; if they are not, vote down this substitute, andadopt the report of the committee, with the amendment of Dr. Neely, andthen let them in four years hence in the constitutional way. Afterthe most careful study of the vital question in the light of history, ecclesiastical, common, and constitutional law, it is my solemn anddeliberate judgment that women are not eligible as lay delegates in thisbody. 

Facts, records, and testimonials conclusively prove that in 1868, whenthe General Conference submitted the matter of lay delegation to theentire membership of the Church, the idea of women being eligible wasnot the intent. The intent was to bring into the General Conference alarge number of men of business experience, who could render serviceby their knowledge and experience touching the temporal affairs of theChurch. When the principle of admitting lay delegates was voted uponby the laity, this idea, and no other, was intended. When the AnnualConferences voted for the principle and the plan, this and this only wastheir intent. 

When the General Conference, by the constitutional majority, acted infavor of admitting the lay delegates provisionally elected, this idea, and none other, actuated them. It was not the intent then to admitwomen, but to admit men only, and the intent must govern in construing aConstitution. 

Dr. Fisk said Judge Cooley is a high authority on constitutional law. Iadmit it, and am happy to say that I was a student of his over a quarterof a century ago, and ever since then have studied and practisedconstitutional law, and I am not here to stultify my judgment byallowing sentiment and impulse to influence my decision. 

Those opposing the report of the committee, with few exceptions, admitthat it was not the intent and purpose, when the Constitution andRestrictive Rules were amended, to admit women as lay delegates. Theyclaim, however, that times have changed, and now propose to force aconstruction upon the language not intended by the laity, the AnnualConferences, or the General Conference at the time of the amendment. Canthis be done without an utter violation of law? I answer, No. 

In the able address read by Bishop Merrill, containing the views of theBoard of Bishops, he says:

"For the first time in our history several 'elect ladies' appear, regularly certified from Electoral Conferences, as lay delegates to thisbody. In taking the action which necessitates the consideration of thequestion of their eligibility, the Electoral Conferences did not consultthe Bishops as to the law in the case, nor do we understand it to be ourduty to define the law for these Conferences; neither does it appearthat any one is authorized to decide questions of law in them. TheElectoral Conferences simply assumed the lawfulness of this action, being guided, as we are informed, by a declarative resolution of theGeneral Conference of 1872, defining the scope of the word 'laymen, " inanswer to a question touching the classification and rights of ordainedlocal and located ministers. Of course, the language of that resolutionis carried beyond its original design when applied to a subject notbefore the body when it was adopted, and not necessarily involved in thelanguage itself. This also should be understood, that no definition ofthe word 'laymen' settles the question of eligibility as to any classof persons, for many are classed as laymen for the purposes of layrepresentation, and have to do with it officially as laymen, who arethemselves not eligible as delegates. Even laymen who are confessedlyineligible, who are not old enough to be delegates, or have not beenmembers long enough, may be stewards, class-leaders, trustees, localpreachers and exhorters, and, as such, be members of the QuarterlyConference, and vote for delegates to the Electoral Conference withoutthemselves being eligible. 

"The constitutional qualifications for eligibility cannot be modified bya resolution of the General Conference, however sweeping, nor can theoriginal meaning of the language be enlarged. If women were included inthe original constitutional provision for lay delegates, they are hereby constitutional right. If they were not so included, it is beyond thepower of this body to give them membership lawfully, except by theformal amendment of the Constitution, which cannot be effected withoutthe consent of the Annual Conferences. In extending to women the highestspiritual privileges, in recognizing their gifts, and in providing forthem spheres of Christian activity, as well as in advancing them topositions of official responsibility, ours has been a leader of theChurches, and gratefully do we acknowledge the good results shown intheir enlarged usefulness, and in the wonderful developments of theirpower to work for God, which we take as evidences of the divine approvalof the high ground taken. In all reformatory and benevolent enterprises, especially in the Temperance, Missionary, and Sunday-school departmentsof Church-work, their success is marvellous, and challenges our highestadmiration. Happily no question of competency or worthiness is involvedin the question of their eligibility as delegates. Hitherto theassumption underlying the legislation of the Church has been that theywere ineligible to official positions, except by special provision oflaw. In harmony with this assumption, they have been made eligible, by special enactment, of the offices of steward, class-leader, andSunday-school superintendent, and naturally the question arises asto whether the necessity for special legislation, in order to theireligibility to those specified offices, does not indicate similarnecessity for special provision in order to their eligibility asdelegates, and if so it is further to be considered that the offices ofsteward, class-leader, and Sunday-school superintendent may be createdand filled by simple enactments of the General Conference itself; but toenter the General Conference, and form part of the law-making bodyof the Church, requires special provision in the Constitution, and, therefore, such provision as the General Conference alone cannot make. "

Now, sir, this language moves forward with a grasp of logic akin to thatused by Chief Justice Marshall, or that eminent jurist, Cooley, fromwhom I beg leave to quote. Cooley, in his great work on "ConstitutionalLimitations, " says:

"A Constitution is not made to mean one thing at one time, and anotherat some subsequent time, when the circumstances may have changed asperhaps to make a different rule in the case seem desirable. A principalshare of the benefit expected from written Constitutions would belost, if the rules they establish were so flexible as to bend tocircumstances, or be modified by public opinion. 

"The meaning of the Constitution is fixed when it is adopted, and is notdifferent at any subsequent time. "

This same great author says:

"Intent governs. The object of construction applied to a writtenconstitution is to give effect to the intent of the people in adoptingit. In the case of written laws it is the intent of the lawgiver that isto be enforced. 

"But it must not be forgotten in construing our constitutions that inmany particulars they are but the legitimate successors of the greatcharters of English liberty whose provisions declaratory of the rightsof the subject have acquired a well understood meaning which the peoplemust be supposed to have had in view in adopting them. We cannotunderstand these unless we understand their history. 

"It is also a very reasonable rule that a State Constitution shall beunderstood and construed in the light, and by the assistance of thecommon law, and with the fact in view that its rules are still in force. 

"It is a maxim with the Courts that statutes in derogation of the commonlaw shall be construed strictly. "

Here, sir, we have the language of Judge Cooley himself. It is as clearas the noonday's sun, and he utterly repudiates the pernicious doctrinethat the Constitution can grow and develop so as to mean one thing whenit is adopted, and something else at another time. You can never injectanything into a Constitution by construction which was not in it whenadopted. And you are bound, according to all rules of construction, togive it the construction which was intended when adopted. No man ofcommon honesty and common sense dares to assert on this floor that itwas the intent when the Constitution was amended to admit women as laydelegates. It follows inevitably that they are not constitutionallyeligible, and to admit them is to violate the Constitution of theChurch, which, as a Court, we are in honor bound not to do. 

It has been asserted with gravity that the right to vote for a personfor office carries with it the right to be voted for unless prohibitedby positive enactment. This proposition is not true, and never has been. We have seen, when the Constitution and Restrictive Rules were amended, the intent was to admit men only as lay delegates. No General Conferencecan, by resolution or decision, change the Constitution and RestrictiveRules. Grant, if you please, that the General Conference, by its actionin 1880, had power to make women eligible in the Quarterly Conference asstewards and class-leaders, this could not qualify her to become a laydelegate in the law-making body of the Church. The qualifications of laydelegates to this body must inhere in the Constitution and RestrictiveRules, according to their intent and meaning when adopted. It isfundamental law that where general disabilities exist, not simply bystatute, but by common law, the removal of lesser disabilities does notcarry with it the removal of the greater ones. 

Legislation qualifying women to vote in Wyoming and elsewhere had to becoupled also with positive enactments qualifying her to be voted for, otherwise she would have been ineligible to office. This is so, and Idefy any lawyer to show the contrary. 

§3, Article I, Constitution of the United States, reads:

"The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators fromeach State, chosen by the Legislature thereof for six years. No personshall be a Senator who shall not have attained to the age of thirtyyears, and been nine years a citizen of the United States, and who shallnot, when elected, be an inhabitant of the State for which he shall bechosen. "

These and no other qualifications are worded or found in theConstitution of the United States touching the qualification ofSenators. Is there a layman on this floor who will dare assert thatunder the Constitution of the United States women are eligible asRepresentatives or Senators? Words of common gender are exclusivelyused as applied to the qualification of Senators. The words persons andcitizens include women the same as they include men. Nevertheless, inthe light of the past, I am bold to assert, that any man who would darestand in the Senate of the United States, and contend that women areeligible to the office of United States Senators, would be regarded bythe civilized world as a person of gush and void of judgment. 

Article 14, United States Constitution, §1:

"All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to thejurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States, wherein theyreside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the_privileges_ or _immunities_ of citizens of the United States; nor shallany State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property without dueprocess of law, _nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction theequal protection of the laws_. "

(Tax case and what was decided. ) (Mrs. Minor _vs_. Judges of Election. 53 Mo. 68. )

The first case indicates that the word citizen when affecting propertyrights includes corporations. 

The second, that the word person, when it relates to the woman claimingthe right to vote, does not confer upon her that right. 

The language is: No State shall make or enforce any law which shallabridge the privileges or immunities of any citizen of the UnitedStates. Nevertheless, a Republican Circuit Judge held this language didnot entitle Mrs. Minor to vote. A democratic Supreme Court of Missouriheld the same, and the Supreme Court of the United States, in an ableopinion written by men known as the friends of women, conclusivelydemonstrated that these constitutional guarantees did not confer uponwoman the right to vote. Why? Because, from time immemorial, this righthad not obtained in favor of woman, and these words of common gendershould not be so construed as to confer this right, since it was notintended when made to affect their status in this regard.