The Authors' Press Series of the Works of Elinor Glyn

 RED HAIR

 THE AUTHORS' PRESS, PUBLISHERS AUBURN, N. Y. 

 Copyright, 1905, by ELINOR GLYN

 When copyrighted by Elinor Glyn in 1905, this book was published under the title "The Vicissitudes of Evangeline. "

 BRANCHES PARK, _November 3. _

I wonder so much if it is amusing to be an adventuress, because that isevidently what I shall become now. I read in a book all about it; it isbeing nice looking and having nothing to live on, and getting a pleasanttime out of life--and I intend to do that! I have certainly nothing tolive on, for one cannot count £300 a year; and I am extremely pretty, andI know it quite well, and how to do my hair, and put on my hats, and thosethings--so, of course, I am an adventuress! I was not intended for thisrôle--in fact, Mrs. Carruthers adopted me on purpose to leave me herfortune, as at that time she had quarrelled with her heir, who was boundto get the place. Then she was so inconsequent as not to make a properwill--thus it is that this creature gets everything, and I nothing!

I am twenty, and up to the week before last, when Mrs. Carruthers got illand died in one day, I had had a fairly decent time at odd moments whenshe was in a good temper. 

There is no use pretending even when people are dead, if one is writingdown one's real thoughts. I detested Mrs. Carruthers most of the time. Aperson whom it was impossible to please. She had no idea of justice, or ofanything but her own comfort, and what amount of pleasure other peoplecould contribute to her day. 

How she came to do anything for me at all was because she had been in lovewith papa, and when he married poor mamma--a person of no family--and thendied, she offered to take me, and bring me up, just to spite mamma, shehas often told me. As I was only four I had no say in the matter, and ifmamma liked to give me up that was her affair. Mamma's father was a lord, and her mother I don't know who, and they had not worried to get married, so that is how it is poor mamma came to have no relations. After papa wasdead, she married an Indian officer and went off to India, and died, too, and I never saw her any more--so there it is; there is not a soul in theworld who matters to me, or I to them, so I can't help being anadventuress, and thinking only of myself, can I?

Mrs. Carruthers periodically quarrelled with all the neighbors, so beyondfrigid calls now and then in a friendly interval, we never saw them much. Several old, worldly ladies used to come and stay, but I liked none ofthem, and I have no young friends. When it is getting dark, and I am uphere alone, I often wonder what it would be like if I had--but I believe Iam the kind of cat that would not have got on with them too nicely--soperhaps it is just as well. Only, to have had a pretty--aunt, say--to loveone--that might have been nice. 

Mrs. Carruthers had no feelings like this; "stuff and nonsense, ""sentimental rubbish, " she would have called them. To get a suitablehusband is what she brought me up for, she said, and for the last yearshad arranged that I should marry her detested heir, ChristopherCarruthers, as I should have the money and he the place. 

He is a diplomat, and lives in Paris, and Russia, and amusing places likethat, so he does not often come to England. I have never seen him. He isquite old--over thirty--and has hair turning gray. 

Now he is master here, and I must leave--unless he proposes to marry me atour meeting this afternoon, which he probably won't do. 

However, there can be no harm in my making myself look as attractive aspossible under the circumstances. As I am to be an adventuress, I must dothe best I can for myself. Nice feelings are for people who have money tolive as they please. If I had ten thousand a year, or even five, I wouldsnap my fingers at all men, and say, "No, I make my life as I choose, andshall cultivate knowledge and books, and indulge in beautiful ideas ofhonor and exalted sentiments, and perhaps one day succumb to a noblepassion. " (What grand words the thought, even, is making me write!) But asit is, if Mr. Carruthers asks me to marry him, as he has been told to doby his aunt, I shall certainly say yes, and so stay on here, and have acomfortable home. Until I have had this interview it is hardly worth whilepacking anything. 

What a mercy black suits me! My skin is ridiculously white. I shall sticka bunch of violets in my frock--that could not look heartless, I suppose. But if he asks me if I am sad about Mrs. Carruthers's death, I shall notbe able to tell a lie. 

I am sad, of course, because death is a terrible thing, and to die likethat, saying spiteful things to every one, must be horrid--but I can't, Ican't regret her. Not a day ever passed that she did not sting some partof me; when I was little, it was not only with her tongue--she used topinch me, and box my ears until Dr. Garrison said it might make me deaf, and then she stopped, because she said deaf people were a bore, and shecould not put up with them. 

I shall not go on looking back. There are numbers of things that even nowmake me raging to remember. 

I have only been out for a year. Mrs. Carruthers got an attack ofbronchitis when I was eighteen, just as we were going up to town for theseason, and said she did not feel well enough for the fatigues, and off wewent to Switzerland. And in the autumn we travelled all over the place, and in the winter she coughed and groaned, and the next season would notgo up until the last court, so I have only had a month of London. Thebronchitis got perfectly well--it was heart-failure that killed her, brought on by an attack of temper because Thomas broke the Carruthersvase. I shall not write of her death, or the finding of the will, or thesurprise that I was left nothing but a thousand pounds and a diamond ring. 

Now that I am an adventuress, instead of an heiress, of what good tochronicle all that! Sufficient to say if Mr. Carruthers does not obey hisorders and offer me his hand this afternoon, I shall have to pack mytrunks and depart by Saturday, but where to is yet in the lap of the gods. 

He is coming by the 3. 20 train, and will be in the house before four, anugly, dull time; one can't offer him tea, and it will be altogethertrying and exciting. 

He is coming ostensibly to take over his place, I suppose, but in realityit is to look at me, and see if in any way he will be able to persuadehimself to carry out his aunt's wishes. I wonder what it will be like tobe married to some one you don't know and don't like? I am not greatlyacquainted yet with the ways of men. We have not had any that you couldcall that here, much--only a lot of old wicked sort of things, in theautumn, to shoot the pheasants, and play bridge with Mrs. Carruthers. Themarvel to me was how they ever killed anything, such antiques they were!Some politicians and ambassadors, and creatures of that sort; and mostlyas wicked as could be. They used to come trotting down the passage to theschool-room, and have tea with mademoiselle and me on the slightestprovocation, and say such things! I am sure lots of what they said meantsomething else, mademoiselle used to giggle so. She was rather agood-looking one I had the last four years, but I hated her. There wasnever any one young and human who counted. 

I did look forward to coming out in London, but being so late, every onewas preoccupied when we got there, and no one got in love with me much. Indeed, we went out very little; a part of the time I had a swollen nosefrom a tennis-ball at Ranelagh, and people don't look at girls withswollen noses. 

I wonder where I shall go and live! Perhaps in Paris--unless, of course, Imarry Mr. Carruthers. I don't suppose it is dull being married. In Londonall the married ones seemed to have a lovely time, and had not to botherwith their husbands much. 

Mrs. Carruthers always assured me love was a thing of absolutely noconsequence in marriage. You were bound to love some one some time, butthe very fact of being chained to him would dispel the feeling. It was athing to be looked upon like measles, or any other disease, and was betterto get it over and then turn to the solid affairs of life. But how sheexpected me to get it over when she never arranged for me to see any one, I don't know. 

I asked her one day what I should do if I got to like some one after I ammarried to Mr. Carruthers, and she laughed one of her horrid laughs, andsaid I should probably do as the rest of the world. And what do they do, Iwonder? Well, I suppose I shall find out some day. 

Of course there is the possibility that Christopher (do I like the name ofChristopher, I wonder?)--well, that Christopher may not want to follow herwill. 

He has known about it for years, I suppose, just as I have, but I believemen are queer creatures, and he may take a dislike to me. I am not a typethat would please every one. My hair is too red--brilliant, dark, fieryred, like a chestnut when it tumbles out of its shell, only burnished likemetal. If I had the usual white eyelashes I should be downright ugly, but, thank goodness! by some freak of nature mine are black and thick, andstick out when you look at me sideways, and I often think when I catchsight of myself in the glass that I am really very pretty--all puttogether--but, as I said before, not a type to please every one. 

A combination I am that Mrs. Carruthers assured me would cause anxieties. "With that mixture, Evangeline, " she often said, "you would do well tosettle yourself in life as soon as possible. Good girls don't have yourcoloring. " So you see, as I am branded as bad from the beginning, it doesnot much matter what I do. My eyes are as green as pale emeralds, andlong, and not going down at the corners with the Madonna expression ofCicely Parker, the vicar's daughter. I do not know yet what is being good, or being bad; perhaps I shall find out when I am an adventuress, ormarried to Mr. Carruthers. 

All I know is that I want to _live_, and feel the blood rushing through myveins. I want to do as I please, and not have to be polite when I amburning with rage. I want to be late in the morning if I happen to fancysleeping, and I want to sit up at night if I don't want to go to bed! So, as you can do what you like when you are married, I really hope Mr. Carruthers will take a fancy to me, and then all will be well! I shallstay up-stairs until I hear the carriage wheels, and leave Mr. Barton--thelawyer--to receive him. Then I shall saunter down nonchalantly while theyare in the hall. It will be an effective entrance. My trailing blackgarments, and the great broad stairs--this is a splendid house--and if hehas an eye in his head he must see my foot on each step! Even Mrs. Carruthers said I have the best foot she had ever seen. I am getting quiteexcited--I shall ring for Véronique and begin to dress!. .. I shall writemore presently. 

 _Thursday evening. _

It is evening, and the fire is burning brightly in my sitting-room, whereI am writing. _My_ sitting-room!--did I say? Mr. Carruthers'ssitting-room, I meant--for it is mine no longer, and on Saturday, the dayafter to-morrow, I shall have to bid good-bye to it forever. 

For--yes, I may as well say it at once--the affair did not walk; Mr. Carruthers quietly, but firmly, refused to obey his aunt's will, and thusI am left an old maid!

I must go back to this afternoon to make it clear, and I must say my earstingle as I think of it. 

I rang for Véronique, and put on my new black afternoon frock, which hadjust been unpacked. I tucked in the violets in a careless way, saw that myhair was curling as vigorously as usual, and not too rebelliously for ademure appearance, and so, at exactly the right moment, began to descendthe stairs. 

There was Mr. Carruthers in the hall. A horribly nice-looking, tall man, with a clean-shaven face and features cut out of stone, a square chin, anda nasty twinkle in the corner of his eye. He has a very distinguishedlook, and that air of never having had to worry for his things to fit;they appear as if they had grown on him. He has a cold, reserved manner, and something commanding and arrogant in it that makes one want tocontradict him at once; but his voice is charming--one of that cultivated, refined kind, which sounds as if he spoke a number of languages, and sodoes not slur his words. I believe this is diplomatic, for some of the oldambassador people had this sort of voice. 

He was standing with his back to the fire, and the light of the big windowwith the sun getting low was full on his face, so I had a good look athim. I said in the beginning that there was no use pretending when one iswriting one's own thoughts for one's own self to read when one is old, andkeeping them in a locked-up journal, so I shall always tell the truthhere--quite different things to what I should say if I were talking tosome one and describing to them this scene. Then I should say I found himutterly unattractive, and, in fact, I hardly noticed him! As it was, Inoticed him very much, and I have a tiresome inward conviction that hecould be very attractive indeed, if he liked. 

He looked up, and I came forward with my best demure air as Mr. Bartonnervously introduced us, and we shook hands. I left him to speak first. 

"Abominably cold day, " he said, carelessly. That was English andpromising!

"Yes, indeed, " I said. "You have just arrived?"

And so we continued in this _banal_ way, with Mr. Barton twirling histhumbs, and hoping, one could see, that we should soon come to thebusiness of the day; interposing a remark here and there which added tothe _gêne_ of the situation. 

At last Mr. Carruthers said to Mr. Barton that he would go round and seethe house, and I said tea would be ready when they got back. And so theystarted. 

My cheeks would burn, and my hands were so cold, it was awkward andannoying--not half the simple affair I had thought it would be up-stairs. 

When it was quite dark and the lamps were brought, they came back to thehall, and Mr. Barton, saying he did not want any tea, left us to findpapers in the library. 

I gave Mr. Carruthers some tea, and asked the usual things about sugar andcream. His eye had almost a look of contempt as he glanced at me, and Ifelt an angry throb in my throat. When he had finished he got up and stoodbefore the fire again. Then, deliberately, as a man who has determined todo his duty at any cost, he began to speak. 

"You know the wish, or, rather, I should say, the command, my aunt leftme, " he said. "In fact, she states that she had always brought you up tothe idea. It is rather a tiresome thing to discuss with a stranger, butperhaps we had better get it over as soon as possible, as that is what Icame down here to-day for. The command was I should marry you. " He pauseda moment. I remained perfectly still, with my hands idly clasped in mylap, and made myself keep my eyes on his face. 

He continued, finding I did not answer, just a faint tone of resentmentcreeping into his voice--because I would not help him out, I suppose. Ishould think not! I loved annoying him!

"It is a preposterous idea in these days for any one to dispose ofpeople's destinies in this way, and I am sure you will agree with me thatsuch a marriage would be impossible. "

"Of course I agree, " I replied, lying with a tone of careless sincerity. Ihad to control all my real feelings of either anger or pleasure for solong in Mrs. Carruthers's presence that I am now an adept. 

"I am so glad you put it so plainly, " I went on, sweetly. "I was wonderinghow I should write it to you, but now you are here it is quite easy forus to finish the matter at once. Whatever Mrs. Carruthers may haveintended me to do, I had no intention of obeying her; but it would havebeen useless for me to say so to her, and so I waited until the time forspeech should come. Won't you have some more tea?"

He looked at me very straightly, almost angrily, for an instant;presently, with a sigh of relief, he said, half laughing:

"Then we are agreed; we need say no more about it!"

"No more, " I answered; and I smiled, too, although a rage of anger wasclutching my throat. I do not know who I was angry with--Mrs. Carruthersfor procuring this situation, Christopher for being insensible to mycharms, or myself for ever having contemplated for a second thepossibility of his doing otherwise. Why, when one thinks of it calmly, should he want to marry me, a penniless adventuress with green eyes andred hair that he had never seen before in his life? I hoped he thought Iwas a person of naturally high color, because my cheeks from the moment Ibegan to dress had been burning and burning. It might have given him theidea the scene was causing me some emotion, and that he should never know!

He took some more tea, but he did not drink it, and by this I guessedthat he also was not as calm as he looked!

"There is something else, " he said--and now there was almost anawkwardness in his voice--"something else which I want to say, thoughperhaps Mr. Barton could say it for me, but which I would rather saystraight to you, and that is, you must let me settle such a sum of moneyon you as you had every right to expect from my aunt, after the promises Iunderstand she always made to you----"

This time I did not wait for him to finish. I bounded up from my seat, some uncontrollable sensation of wounded pride throbbing and thrillingthrough me. 

"Money! Money from you!" I exclaimed. "Not if I were starving. " Then I satdown again, ashamed of this vehemence. How would he interpret it! But itgalled me so--and yet I had been ready an hour ago to have accepted him asmy husband! Why, then, this revolt at the idea of receiving a fairsubstitute in gold? Really, one is a goose, and I had time to realize, even in this tumult of emotion, that there can be nothing so inconsistentas the feelings of a girl. 

"You must not be foolish!" he said, coldly. "I intend to settle the moneywhether you will or no, so do not make any further trouble about it!"

There was something in his voice so commanding and arrogant, just as Inoticed at first, that every obstinate quality in my nature rose to answerhim. 

"I do not know anything about the law in the matter; you may settle whatyou choose, but I shall never touch any of it, " I said, as calmly as Icould. "So it seems ridiculous to waste the money, does it not? You maynot, perhaps, be aware I have enough of my own, and do not in any wayrequire yours. "

He became colder and more exasperated. 

"As you please, then, " he said, snappishly, and Mr. Barton fortunatelyentering at that moment, the conversation was cut short, and I left them. 

They are not going back to London until to-morrow morning, and dinner hasyet to be got through. Oh, I do feel in a temper! and I can never tell ofthe emotions that were throbbing through me as I came up the great stairsjust now. A sudden awakening to the humiliation of the situation! How hadI ever been able to contemplate marrying a man I did not know, just tosecure myself a comfortable home! It seems preposterous now. I suppose itwas because I have always been brought up to the idea, and, until I cameface to face with the man, it did not strike me as odd. Fortunately he cannever guess that I had been willing to accept him; my dissimulation hasstood me in good stead. Now I am animated by only one idea--to appear asagreeable and charming to Mr. Carruthers as possible. The aim and objectof my life shall be to make him regret his decision. When I hear himimploring me to marry him, I shall regain a little of my self-respect! Andas for marriage, I shall have nothing to do with the horrid affair! Oh, dear, no! I shall go away free and be a happy adventuress. I have read the_Trois Mousquetaires_ and _Vingt Ans Après_--mademoiselle had them--and Iremember milady had only three days to get round her jailer, starting withhis hating her; whereas Mr. Carruthers does not hate me, so that countsagainst my only having one evening. I shall do my best!

 _Thursday night. _

I was down in the library, innocently reading a book, when Mr. Carrutherscame in. He looked even better in evening dress, but he appearedill-tempered, and no doubt found the situation unpleasant. 

"Is not this a beautiful house?" I said, in a velvet voice, to break theawkward silence, and show him I did not share his unease. "You had notseen it before, for ages, had you?"

"Not since I was a boy, " he answered, trying to be polite. "My auntquarrelled with my father--she was the direct heiress of all this--andmarried her cousin, my father's younger brother--but you know the familyhistory, of course----"

"Yes. "

"They hated each other, she and my father. "

"Mrs. Carruthers hated all her relations, " I said, demurely. 

"Myself among them?"

"Yes, " I said, slowly, and bent forward so that the lamplight should fallupon my hair. "She said you were too much like herself in character foryou ever to be friends. "

"Is that a compliment?" he asked, and there was a twinkle in his eye. 

"We must speak no ill of the dead, " I said, evasively. 

He looked slightly annoyed--as much as these diplomats ever let themselveslook anything. 

"You are right, " he said. "Let her rest in peace. "

There was silence for a moment. 

"What are you going to do with your life now?" he asked, presently. It wasa bald question. 

"I shall become an adventuress, " I answered, deliberately. 

"A _what_?" he exclaimed, his black eyebrows contracting. 

"An adventuress. Is not that what it is called? A person who sees life, and has to do the best she can for herself. "

He laughed. "You strange little lady!" he said, his irritation with memelting. And when he laughs you can see how even his teeth are; but thetwo side ones are sharp and pointed, like a wolf's. 

"Perhaps, after all, you had better have married me!"

"No, that would clip my wings, " I said, frankly, looking at him straightin the face. 

"Mr. Barton tells me you propose leaving here on Saturday. I beg you willnot do so. Please consider it your home for so long as you wish--untilyou can make some arrangements for yourself. You look so very young to begoing about the world alone!"

He bent down and gazed at me closer--there was an odd tone in his voice. 

"I am twenty, and I have been often snubbed, " I said, calmly. "Thatprepares one for a good deal. I shall enjoy doing what I please. "

"And what are you going to please?"

"I shall go to Claridge's until I can look about me. "

He moved uneasily. 

"But have you no relations--no one who will take care of you?"

"I believe none. My mother was nobody particular, you know--a Miss Tonkinsby name. "

"But your father?" He sat down now on the sofa beside me; there was apuzzled, amused look in his face; perhaps I was amazing him. 

"Papa? Oh, papa was the last of his family. They were decent people, butthere are no more of them. "

He pushed one of the cushions aside. 

"It is an impossible position for a girl--completely alone. I cannot allowit. I feel responsible for you. After all, it would do very well if youmarried me. I am not particularly domestic by nature, and should be verylittle at home, so you could live here and have a certain position, and Iwould come back now and then and see you were getting on all right. "

One could not say if he was mocking or no. 

"It is too good of you, " I said, without any irony. "But I like freedom, and when you were at home it might be such a bore----"

He leaned back and laughed merrily. 

"You are candid, at any rate!" he said. 

Mr. Barton came into the room at that moment, full of apologies at beinglate. Immediately after, with the usual ceremony, the butler entered andpompously announced, "Dinner is served, sir. " How quickly they recognizethe new master!

Mr. Carruthers gave me his arm, and we walked slowly down thepicture-gallery to the banqueting-hall, and there sat down at the small, round table in the middle, that always looks like an island in a lake. 

I talked nicely at dinner. I was dignified and grave, and quite frank. Mr. Carruthers was not bored. The chef had outdone himself, hoping to be kepton. I never felt so excited in my life. 

I was apparently asleep under a big lamp, after dinner, in the library, abook of silly poetry in my lap, when the door opened and he--Mr. Carruthers--came in alone, and walked up the room. I did not open myeyes. He looked for just a minute--how accurate I am! Then he said, "Youare very pretty when asleep!"

His voice was not caressing or complimentary--merely as if the fact hadforced this utterance. 

I allowed myself to wake without a start. 

"Was the '47 port as good as you hoped?" I asked, sympathetically. 

He sat down. I had arranged my chair so that there was none other in itsimmediate neighborhood. Thus he was some way off, and could realize mywhole silhouette. 

"The '47 port? Oh yes; but I am not going to talk of port. I want you totell me a lot more about yourself, and your plans----"

"I have no plans--except to see the world. "

He picked up a book and put it down again; he was not perfectly calm. 

"I don't think I shall let you. I am more than ever convinced you ought tohave some one to take care of you--you are not of the type that makes italtogether safe to roam about alone. "

"Oh! as for my type, " I said, languidly, "I know all about that. Mrs. Carruthers said no one with this combination of color could be good, so Iam not going to try. It will be quite simple. "

He rose quickly from his chair and stood in front of the great log fire, such a comical expression on his face. 

"You are the quaintest child I have ever met, " he said. 

"I am not a child, and I mean to know everything I can. "

He went over towards the sofa again and arranged the cushions--great, splendid, fat pillows of old Italian brocade, stiff with gold and silver. 

"Come!" he pleaded. "Sit here beside me, and let us talk; you are milesaway there, and I want to--make you see reason. "

I rose at once and came slowly to where he pointed. I settled myselfdeliberately. There was one cushion of purple and silver right under thelight, and there I rested my head. 

"Now talk!" I said, and half closed my eyes. 

Oh, I was enjoying myself! The first time I have ever been alone with areal man! They--the old ambassadors and politicians and generals--usedalways to tell me I should grow into an attractive woman--now I meant totry what I could do. 

Mr. Carruthers remained silent, but he sat down beside me, and looked andlooked right into my eyes. 

"Now talk, then, " I said again. 

"Do you know, you are a very disturbing person, " he said, at last, by wayof a beginning. 

"What is that?" I asked. 

"It is a woman who confuses one's thoughts when one looks at her. I do notnow seem to have anything to say, or too much----"

"You called me a child. "

"I should have called you an enigma. "

I assured him I was not the least complex, and that I only wantedeverything simple, and to be left in peace, without having to get marriedor worry to obey people. 

We had a nice talk. 

"You won't leave here on Saturday, " he said, presently, apropos ofnothing. "I do not think I shall go myself to-morrow. I want you to showme all over the gardens, and your favorite haunts. "

"To-morrow I shall be busy packing, " I said, gravely, "and I do not thinkI want to show you the gardens; there are some corners I rather loved; Ibelieve it will hurt a little to say good-bye. "

Just then Mr. Barton came into the room, fussy and ill at ease. Mr. Carruthers's face hardened again, and I rose to say good-night. 

As he opened the door for me--"Promise you will come down to give me mycoffee in the morning, " he said. 

"Qui vivra verra, " I answered, and sauntered out into the hall. Hefollowed me, and watched as I went up the staircase. 

"Good-night!" I called, softly, as I got to the top, and laughed alittle--I don't know why. 

He bounded up the stairs, three steps at a time, and before I could turnthe handle of my door he stood beside me. 

"I do not know what there is about you, " he said, "but you drive me mad. Ishall insist upon carrying out my aunt's wish, after all! I shall marryyou, and never let you out of my sight--do you hear?"

Oh, such a strange sense of exaltation crept over me--it is with me still!Of course, he probably will not mean all that to-morrow, but to have madesuch a stiff block of stone rush up-stairs and say this much now isperfectly delightful!

I looked at him up from under my eyelashes. "No, you will not marry me, " Isaid, calmly, "or do anything else I don't like; and now, really, good-night, " and I slipped into my room and closed the door. I could hearhe did not stir for some seconds. Then he went off down the stairs again, and I am alone with my thoughts!

My thoughts! I wonder what they mean! What did I do that had this effectupon him? I intended to do something, and I did it, but I am not quitesure what it was. However, that is of no consequence. Sufficient for me toknow that my self-respect is restored and I can now go out and see theworld with a clear conscience. 

_He_ has asked me to marry him--and _I_ have said I won't!

 BRANCHES PARK, [1]

 Thursday night, _November 3. _

 DEAR BOB, --

 A quaint thing has happened to me! Came down here to take over the place, and to say decidedly I would not marry Miss Travers, and I find her with red hair and a skin like milk, and a pair of green eyes that look at you from a forest of black eyelashes with a thousand unsaid challenges. I should not wonder if I commit some folly. One has read of women like this in the _cinque-cento_ time in Italy, but up to now I had never met one. She is not in the room ten minutes before one feels a sense of unrest, and desire for one hardly knows what--principally to touch her, I fancy. Good Lord! what a skin! pure milk and rare roses--and the reddest Cupid's bow of a mouth! You had better come down at once (these things are probably in your line) to save me from some sheer idiocy. The situation is exceptional--she and I practically alone in the house, for old Barton does not count. She had nowhere to go, and as far as I can make out has not a friend in the world. I suppose I ought to leave. I will try to on Monday; but come down to-morrow by the 4. 00 train. 

 Yours, CHRISTOPHER. 

 P. S. --'47 port A1, and two or three brands of the old aunt's champagne exceptional, Barton says--we can sample them. Shall send this up by express; you will get it in time for the 4. 00 train. 

[Footnote 1: A letter from Mr. Carruthers which came into Evangeline'spossession later, and which she put into her journal at thisplace. --EDITOR'S NOTE. ]

 BRANCHES, Friday night, _November 4th. _

This morning Mr. Carruthers had his coffee alone. Mr. Barton and Ibreakfasted quite early, before nine o'clock, and just as I was callingthe dogs in the hall for a run, with my out-door things already on, Mr. Carruthers came down the great stairs with a frown on his face. 

"Up so early!" he said. "Are you not going to pour out my tea for me, then?"

"I thought you said coffee! No, I am going out, " and I went on down thecorridor, the wolf-hounds following me. 

"You are not a kind hostess!" he called after me. 

"I am not a hostess at all, " I answered back--"only a guest. "

He followed me. "Then you are a very casual guest, not consulting thepleasure of your host. "

I said nothing. I only looked at him over my shoulder as I went down themarble steps--looked at him and laughed, as on the night before. 

He turned back into the house without a word, and I did not see him againuntil just before luncheon. 

There is something unpleasant about saying good-bye to a place, and Ifound I had all sorts of sensations rising in my throat at various pointsin my walk. However, all that is ridiculous and must be forgotten. As Iwas coming round the corner of the terrace, a great gust of wind nearlyblew me into Mr. Carruthers's arms. Odious weather we are having thisautumn!

"Where have you been all the morning?" he said, when we had recoveredourselves a little. "I have searched for you all over the place. "

"You do not know it all yet, or you would have found me, " I said, pretending to walk on. 

"No, you shall not go now!" he exclaimed, pacing beside me. "Why won't yoube amiable, and make me feel at home?"

"I do apologize if I have been unamiable, " I said, with great frankness. "Mrs. Carruthers always brought me up to have such good manners. "

After that he talked to me for half an hour about the place. 

He seemed to have forgotten his vehemence of the night before. He askedall sorts of questions, and showed a sentiment and a delicacy I should nothave expected from his hard face. I was quite sorry when the gong soundedfor luncheon and we went in. 

I have no settled plan in my head. I seem to be drifting--tasting for thefirst time some power over another human being. It gave me deliciousthrills to see his eagerness when contrasted with the dry refusal of myhand only the day before. 

At lunch I addressed myself to Mr. Barton; he was too flattered at myattention, and continued to chatter garrulously. 

The rain came on and poured and beat against the window-panes with asudden, angry thud. No chance of further walks abroad. I escaped up-stairswhile the butler was speaking to Mr. Carruthers, and began helpingVéronique to pack. Chaos and desolation it all seemed in my cosey rooms. 

While I was on my knees in front of a great wooden box, hopelessly tryingto stow away books, a crisp tap came to the door, and without more ado myhost--yes, he is that now--entered the room. 

"Good Lord! what is all this?" he exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"Packing, " I said, not getting up. 

He made an impatient gesture. 

"Nonsense!" he said. "There is no need to pack. I tell you I will not letyou go. I am going to marry you and keep you here always. "

I sat down on the floor and began to laugh. 

"You think so, do you?"

"Yes. "

"You can't force me to marry you, you know--can you? I want to see theworld. I don't want any tiresome man bothering after me. If I ever domarry, it will be because--oh, because--" and I stopped and began fiddlingwith the cover of a book. 

"What?"

"Mrs. Carruthers said it was so foolish--but I believe I should prefer tomarry some one I liked. Oh, I know you think that silly--" and I stoppedhim as he was about to speak--"but of course, as it does not last, anyway, it might be good for a little to begin like that--don't you think so?"

He looked round the room, and on through the wide-open double doors intomy dainty bedroom, where Véronique was still packing. 

"You are very cosey here; it is absurd of you to leave it, " he said. 

I got up off the floor and went to the window and back. I don't know why Ifelt moved--a sudden sense of the cosiness came over me. The world lookedwet and bleak outside. 

"Why do you say you want me to marry you, Mr. Carruthers?" I said. "Youare joking, of course. "

"I am not joking. I am perfectly serious. I am ready to carry out myaunt's wishes. It can be no new idea to you, and you must have worldlysense enough to realize it would be the best possible solution of yourfuture. I can show you the world, you know. "

He appeared to be extraordinarily good-looking as he stood there, his faceto the dying light. Supposing I took him at his word, after all!

"But what has suddenly changed your ideas since yesterday? You told me youhad come down to make it clear to me that you could not possibly obey herorders. "

"That was yesterday, " he said. "I had not really seen you--to-day I thinkdifferently. "

"It is just because you are sorry for me; I suppose I seem so lonely, " Iwhispered, demurely. 

"It is perfectly impossible, what you propose to do--to go and live byyourself at a London hotel--the idea drives me mad. "

"It will be delightful--no one to order me about from day to night!"

"Listen, " he said, and he flung himself into an arm-chair. "You can marryme, and I will take you to Paris, or where you want, and I won't order youabout--only I shall keep the other beasts of men from looking at you. "

But I told him at once that I thought that would be very dull. "I havenever had the chance of any one looking at me, " I said, "and I want tofeel what it is like. Mrs. Carruthers always assured me I was very pretty, you know, only she said that I was certain to come to a bad end, becauseof my type, unless I got married at once, and then if my head was screwedon it would not matter; but I don't agree with her. "

He walked up and down the room impatiently. 

"That is just it, " he said. "I would rather be the first--I would ratheryou began by me. I am strong enough to ward off the rest. "

"What does 'beginning by you' mean?" I asked, with great candor. "Old LordBentworth said I should begin with him, when he was here to shootpheasants last autumn; he said it could not matter, he was so old; but Ididn't----"

Mr. Carruthers bounded up from his chair. 

"You didn't what! Good Lord! what did he want you to do?" he asked, aghast. 

"Well, " I said, and I looked down for a moment; I felt stupidly shy. "Hewanted me to kiss him. "

Mr. Carruthers looked almost relieved. It was strange. 

"The old wretch! Nice company my aunt seems to have kept!" he exclaimed. "Could she not take better care of you than that--to let you be insultedby her guests?"

"I don't think Lord Bentworth meant to insult me. He only said he hadnever seen such a red, curly mouth as mine; and as I was bound to go tothe devil some day with that, and such hair, I might begin by kissinghim--he explained it all. "

"And were you not very angry?" his voice wrathful. 

"No, not very; I could not be, I was shaking so with laughter. If youcould have seen the silly old thing, like a wizened monkey, with dyed hairand an eye-glass--it was too comic! I only told you because you said thesentence 'begin with you, ' and I wanted to know if it was the samething----"

Mr. Carruthers's eyes had such a strange expression--puzzle and amusement, and something else. He came over close to me. 

"Because, " I went on, "if so--I believe if that is always the beginning, Idon't want any beginnings. I haven't the slightest desire to kiss any one. I should simply hate it. "

Mr. Carruthers laughed. "Oh, you are only a baby child, after all!" hesaid. 

This annoyed me. I got up with great dignity. "Tea will be ready in thewhite drawing-room, " I said, stiffly, and walked towards my bedroom door. 

He came after me. 

"Send your maid away, and let us have it up here, " he said. "I like thisroom. "

But I was not to be appeased thus easily, and deliberately calledVéronique and gave her fresh directions. 

"Poor old Mr. Barton will be feeling so lonely, " I said, as I went outinto the passage. "I am going to see that he has a nice tea, " and I lookedback at Mr. Carruthers over my shoulder. Of course, he followed me, and wewent together down the stairs. 

In the hall a footman with a telegram met us. He tore it open impatiently. Then he looked quite annoyed. 

"I hope you won't mind, " he said, "but a friend of mine, Lord RobertVavasour, is arriving this afternoon. He is a--er--great judge ofpictures. I forgot I asked him to come down and look at them; it cleanwent out of my head. "

I told him he was host, and why should I object to what guests he had. 

"Besides, I am going myself to-morrow, " I said, "if Véronique can get thepacking done. "

"Nonsense! How can I make you understand that I do not mean to let you goat all?"

I did not answer--only looked at him defiantly. 

Mr. Barton was waiting patiently for us in the white drawing-room, and wehad not been munching muffins for five minutes when the sound of wheelscrunching the gravel of the great sweep--the windows of this room look outthat way--interrupted our made conversation. 

"This must be Bob arriving, " Mr. Carruthers said, and went reluctantlyinto the hall to meet his guest. 

They came back together presently, and he introduced Lord Robert to me. 

I felt at once he was rather a pet. Such a shape! Just like the ApolloBelvedere! I do love that look, with a tiny waist and nice shoulders, andlooking as if he were as lithe as a snake, and yet could break pokers inhalf like Mr. Rochester in _Jane Eyre_. 

He has great, big, sleepy eyes of blue, and rather a plaintive expression, and a little fairish mustache turned up at the corners, and the nicestmouth one ever saw; and when you see him moving, and the back of his head, it makes you think all the time of a beautifully groomed thorough-bredhorse. I don't know why. At once--in a minute--when we looked at eachother, I felt I should like "Bob. " He has none of Mr. Carruthers'scynical, hard expression, and I am sure he can't be nearly as old--notmore than twenty-seven or so. 

He seemed perfectly at home--sat down and had tea, and talked in the mostcasual, friendly way. Mr. Carruthers appeared to freeze up, Mr. Barton gotmore _banal_, and the whole thing entertained me immensely. 

I often used to long for adventures in the old days with Mrs. Carruthers, and here I am really having them!

Such a situation! I am sure people would think it most improper! I alonein the house with these three men! I felt I really would have to go--butwhere?

Meanwhile I have every intention of amusing myself. 

Lord Robert and I seemed to have a hundred things to say to each other. Ido like his voice--and he is so perfectly _sans gêne_ it makes nodifficulties. By the end of tea we were as old friends. Mr. Carruthers gotmore and more polite and stiff, and finally jumped up and hurried hisguest off to the smoking-room. 

I put on such a duck of a frock for dinner--one of the sweetest, chastened simplicity, in black, showing peeps of skin through the thinpart at the top. Nothing could be more demure or becoming, and my hairwould not behave, and stuck out in rebellious waves and curls everywhere. 

I thought it would be advisable not to be in too good time, so sauntereddown after I knew dinner was announced. 

They were both standing on the hearth-rug. I always forget to count Mr. Barton; he was in some chair, I suppose, but I did not notice him. 

Mr. Carruthers is the taller--about one inch. He must be a good deal oversix feet, because the other one is very tall, too; but now that one sawthem together, Mr. Carruthers's figure appeared stiff and set besides LordRobert's, and he hasn't got nearly such a little waist. But they reallyare lovely creatures, both of them, and I don't yet know which I likebest. 

We had such an engaging time at dinner! I was as provoking as I could bein the time, sympathetically, absorbingly interested in Mr. Barton's longstories, and only looking at the other two now and then from under myeyelashes; while I talked in the best demure fashion that I am sure evenLady Katherine Montgomerie--a neighbor of ours--would have approved of. 

They should not be able to say I could not chaperone myself in anysituation. 

"Dam good port this, Christopher, " Lord Robert said, when the '47 washanded round. "Is this what you asked me down to sample?"

"I thought it was to give your opinion about the pictures?" I exclaimed, surprised. "Mr. Carruthers said you were a great judge. "

They looked at each other. 

"Oh--ah--yes, " said Lord Robert, lying transparently. "Pictures areawfully interesting. Will you show me them after dinner?"

"The light is too dim for a connoisseur to investigate them properly, " Isaid. 

"I shall have it all lit by electricity as soon as possible; I wrote aboutit to-day, " Mr. Carruthers announced, sententiously. "But I will show youthe pictures myself, to-morrow, Bob. "

This at once decided me to take Lord Robert round to-night, and I told himso in a velvet voice while Mr. Barton was engaging Christopher'sattention. 

They stayed such a long time in the dining-room after I left that I was onmy way to bed when they came out into the hall, and could with difficultybe persuaded to remain--for a few moments. 

"I am too awfully sorry, " Lord Robert said. "I could not get away. I donot know what possessed Christopher; he would sample ports, and talked thehind-leg off a donkey, till at last I said to him straight out I wanted tocome to you. So here I am. Now you won't go to bed, will you?--please, please. "

He has such pleading blue eyes, imploring pathetically, like a baby indistress, it is quite impossible to resist him--and we started down thegallery. 

Of course, he did not know the difference between a Canaletto and aTurner, and hardly made a pretence of being interested; in fact, when wegot to the end where the early Italians hang, and I was explaining thewonderful texture of a Madonna, he said:

"They all look sea-sick and out of shape. Don't you think we might sit inthat comfy window-seat and talk of something else?" Then he told me heloved pictures, but not this sort. 

"I like people to look human, you know, even on canvas, " he said. "Allthese ladies appear as if they were getting enteric, like people used inAfrica; and I don't like their halos and things; and all the men are oldand bald. But you must not think me a Goth. You will teach me theirpoints, won't you?--and then I shall love them. "

I said I did not care a great deal for them myself, except the color. 

"Oh, I am so glad!" he said. "I should like to find we admired the samethings; but no picture could interest me as much as your hair. It is theloveliest thing I have ever seen, and you do it so beautifully. "

That did please me. He has the most engaging ways--Lord Robert--and he isvery well informed, not stupid a bit, or thick, only absolutely simple anddirect. We talked softly together, quite happy for a while. 

Then Mr. Carruthers got rid of Mr. Barton and came towards us. I settledmyself more comfortably on the velvet cushions. Purple velvet cushions andcurtains in this gallery, good old relics of early Victorian taste. Lotsof the house is awful, but these curtains always please me. 

Mr. Carruthers's face was as stern as a stone bust of Augustus Cæsar. I amsure the monks in the Inquisition looked like that. I do wonder what hewas going to say, but Lord Robert did not give him time. 

"Do go away, Christopher, " he said. "Miss Travers is going to teach methings about Italian Madonnas, and I can't keep my attention if there is athird person about. "

I suppose if Mr. Carruthers had not been a diplomat he would have sworn, but I believe that kind of education makes you able to put your face howyou like, so he smiled sweetly and took a chair near. 

"I shall not leave you, Bob, " he said. "I do not consider you are a goodcompanion for Miss Evangeline. I am responsible for her, and I am going totake care of her. "

"Then you should not have asked him here if he is not a respectableperson, " I said, innocently. "But Italian Madonnas ought to chasten andelevate his thoughts. Anyway, your responsibility towards me isself-constituted. I am the only person whom I mean to obey, " and I settledmyself deliberately in the velvet pillows. 

"Not a good companion!" exclaimed Lord Robert. "What dam cheek, Christopher! I have not my equal in the whole Household Cavalry, as youknow. "

They both laughed, and we continued to talk in a sparring way--Mr. Carruthers sharp and subtle, and fine as a sword-blade; Lord Robertdownright and simple, with an air of a puzzled baby. 

When I thought they were both wanting me very much to stay, I got up andsaid good-night. 

They both came down the gallery with me, and insisted upon each lighting acandle from the row of burnished silver candlesticks in the hall, whichthey presented to me with great mock-homage. It annoyed me--I don't knowwhy--and I suddenly froze up and declined them both, while I saidgood-night again stiffly, and walked in my most stately manner up thestairs. 

I could see Lord Robert's eyebrows puckered into a more plaintiveexpression than ever while he let the beautiful silver candlestick hang, dropping the grease onto the polished oak floor. 

Mr. Carruthers stood quite still, and put his light back on the table. Hisface was cynical and rather amused. I can't say what irritation I felt, and immediately decided to leave on the morrow--but where to, fate or thedevil could only know. 

When I got to my room a lump came in my throat. Véronique had gone to bed, tired out with her day's packing. 

I suddenly felt utterly alone--all the exaltation gone. For the moment Ihated the two down-stairs. I felt the situation equivocal and untenable, and it had amused me so much an hour ago. 

It is stupid and silly, and makes one's nose red, but I felt like crying alittle before I got into bed. 

 BRANCHES, Saturday afternoon, _November 5th. _

This morning I woke with a headache, to see the rain beating against mywindows, and mist and fog--a fitting day for the 5th of November. I wouldnot go down to breakfast. Véronique brought me mine to my sitting-roomfire, and, with Spartan determination, I packed steadily all the morning. 

About twelve a note came up from Lord Robert. I put it in. 

 DEAR MISS TRAVERS, --

 Why are you hiding? Was I a bore last night? Do forgive me and come down. Has Christopher locked you in your room? I will murder the brute if he has!

 Yours very sincerely, ROBERT VAVASOUR. 

"Can't; I am packing, " I scribbled in pencil on the envelope, and gaveit back to Charles, who was waiting in the hall for the answer. Twominutes after, Lord Robert walked into the room, the door of which thefootman had left open. 

"I have come to help you, " he said, in that voice of his that sounds sosure of a welcome you can't snub him. "But where are you going?"

"I don't know, " I said, a little forlornly, and then bent down andvigorously collected photographs. 

"Oh, but you can't go to London by yourself!" he said, aghast. "Lookhere, I will come up with you, and take you to my aunt, Lady Merrenden. She is such a dear, and I am sure when I have told her all about you shewill be delighted to take care of you for some days until you can huntround. "

He looked such a boy, and his face was so kind, I was touched. 

"Oh no, Lord Robert! I cannot do that, but I thank you. I don't want tobe under an obligation to any one, " I said, firmly. "Mr. Carrutherssuggests a way out of the difficulty--that I should marry him, and stayhere. I don't think he means it, really, but he pretends he does. "

He sat down on the edge of a table already laden with books, most ofwhich overbalanced and fell crash on the floor. 

"So Christopher wants you to marry him--the old fox?" he said, apparently oblivious of the wreck of literature he had caused. "But youwon't do that, will you? And yet I have no business to say that. He is adam good friend, Christopher. "

"I am sure you ought not to swear so often, Lord Robert; it shocks me, brought up as I have been, " I said, with the air of a little angel. 

"Do I swear?" he asked, surprised. "Oh no, I don't think so--at least, there is no 'n' to the end of the 'dams, ' so they are only an innocentornament to conversation. But I won't do it, if you don't wish me to. "

After that he helped me with the books, and was so merry and kind I soonfelt cheered up, and by lunchtime all were finished and in the boxesready to be tied up and taken away. Véronique, too, had made greatprogress in the adjoining room, and was standing stiff and _maussade_ bymy dressing-table when I came in. She spoke respectfully in French, andasked me if I had made my plans yet, for, as she explained to me, herown position seemed precarious, and yet, having been with me for fiveyears, she did not feel she could leave me at a juncture like this. Atthe same time she hoped mademoiselle would make some suitable decision, as she feared, respectfully, it was "une si drôle de position pour unedemoiselle du monde, " alone with "ces messieurs. "

I could not be angry; it was quite true what she said. 

"I shall go up this evening to Claridge's, Véronique, " I assuredher--"by about the 5. 15 train. We will wire to them after luncheon. "

She seemed comforted, but she added--in the abstract--that a richmarriage was what was obviously mademoiselle's fate, and she felt suregreat happiness and many jewels would await mademoiselle if mademoisellecould be persuaded to make up her mind. Nothing is sacred from one'smaid. She knew all about Mr. Carruthers, of course. Poor old Véronique!I have a big, warm corner for her in my heart. Sometimes she treats mewith the frigid respect one would pay to a queen, and at others I amalmost her _enfant_, so tender and motherly she is to me. And she putsup with all my tempers and moods, and pets me like a baby just when I amthe worst of all. 

Lord Robert had left me reluctantly when the luncheon gong sounded. 

"Haven't we been happy?" he said, taking it for granted I felt the sameas he did. This is a very engaging quality of his, and makes one feelsympathetic, especially when he looks into one's eyes with his sleepyblue ones. He has lashes as long and curly as a gypsy's baby. 

Mr. Carruthers was alone in the dining-room when I got in; he waslooking out of the window, and turned round sharply as I came up theroom. I am sure he would like to have been killing flies on the panes ifhe had been a boy. His eyes were steel. 

"Where have you been all the time?" he asked, when he had shaken handsand said good-morning. 

"Up in my room, packing, " I said, simply. "Lord Robert was so kind hehelped me. We have got everything done; and may I order the carriage forthe 5. 15 train, please?"

"Certainly not. Confound Lord Robert!" Mr. Carruthers said. "Whatbusiness is it of his? You are not to go. I won't let you. Dear, sillylittle child!--" his voice was quite moved. "You can't possibly go outinto the world all alone. Evangeline, why won't you marry me? I--do youknow, I believe--I shall love you----"

"I should have to be _perfectly sure_ that the person I married lovedme, Mr. Carruthers, " I said, demurely, "before I consented to finish upmy life like that. "

He had no time to answer, for Mr. Barton and Lord Robert came into theroom. 

There seemed a gloom over luncheon. There were pauses, and Lord Roberthad a more pathetic expression than ever. His hands are a niceshape--but so are Mr. Carruthers's; they both look very much likegentlemen. 

Before we had finished, a note was brought in to me. It was from LadyKatherine Montgomerie. She was too sorry, she said, to hear of my lonelyposition, and she was writing to ask if I would not come over and spenda fortnight with them at Tryland Court. 

It was not well worded, and I had never cared much for Lady Katherine, but it was fairly kind, and fitted in perfectly with my plans. 

She had probably heard of Mr. Carruthers's arrival, and was scandalizedat my being alone in the house with him. 

Both men had their eyes fixed on my face when I looked up, as I finishedreading the note. 

"Lady Katherine Montgomerie writes to ask me to Tryland, " I said. "So ifyou will excuse me I will answer it, and say I will come thisafternoon, " and I got up. 

Mr. Carruthers rose, too, and followed me into the library. Hedeliberately shut the door and came over to the writing-table where Isat down. 

"Well, if I let you go, will you tell her then that you are engaged tome, and I am going to marry you as soon as possible?"

"No, indeed I won't, " I said, decidedly. "I am not going to marry you, or any one, Mr. Carruthers. What do you think of me? Fancy my consentingto come back here forever, and live with you, when I don't know you abit! And having to put up with your--perhaps--kissing me, and--and--things of that sort. It is perfectly dreadful to think of!"

He laughed as if in spite of himself. "But supposing I promised not tokiss you?"

"Even so, " I said, and I couldn't help biting the end of my pen. "Itcould happen that I might get a feeling I wanted to kiss some oneelse--and there it is! Once you're married, everything nice is wrong!"

"Evangeline! I won't let you go--out of my life--you strange littlewitch! You have upset me, disturbed me--I can settle to nothing. I seemto want you so very much. "

"Pouf!" I said, and I pouted at him. 

"You have everything in your life to fill it--position, riches, friends. You don't want a green-eyed adventuress. "

I bent down and wrote steadily to Lady Katherine. I would be there aboutsix o'clock, I said, and thanked her in my best style. 

"If I let you go, it is only for the time, " Mr. Carruthers said as Isigned my name. "I _intend_ you to marry me--do you hear?"

"Again I say, 'Qui vivre verra!'" I laughed and rose with the note in myhand. 

Lord Robert looked almost ready to cry when I told him I was off in theafternoon. 

"I shall see you again, " he said. "Lady Katherine is a relation of myaunt's husband, Lord Merrenden. I don't know her myself, though. "

I do not believe him. How can he see me again? Young men do talk a lotof nonsense!

"I shall come over on Wednesday to see how you are getting on, " Mr. Carruthers said. "Please do be in. "

I promised I would, and then I came up-stairs. 

And so it has come to an end, my life at Branches. I am going to start anew phase of existence, my first beginning as an adventuress!

How completely all one's ideas can change in a few days! This day threeweeks ago Mrs. Carruthers was alive. This day two weeks ago I foundmyself no longer a prospective heiress, and only three days ago I wascontemplating calmly the possibility of marrying Mr. Carruthers; andnow, for heaven, I would not marry any one! And so, for fresh woods andpastures new! Oh, I want to see the world, and lots of different humanbeings; I want to know what it is makes the clock go round--that greatbig clock of life. I want to dance and to sing and to laugh, and to_live_--and--and--yes, perhaps some day to kiss some one I love!

 TRYLAND COURT HEADINGTON, Wednesday, _November 9th. _

Goodness gracious! I have been here four whole days, and I continually askmyself how I shall be able to stand it for the rest of the fortnight. Before I left Branches, I began to have a sinking at the heart. There werehorribly touching farewells with housekeepers and people I have knownsince a child, and one hates to have that choky feeling, especially asjust at the end of it, while tears were still in my eyes, Mr. Carrutherscame out into the hall and saw them; so did Lord Robert!

I blinked and blinked, but one would trickle down my nose. It was ahorribly awkward moment. 

Mr. Carruthers made profuse inquiries as to my comforts for the drive, ina tone colder than ever, and insisted upon my drinking some cherry brandy. Such fussing is quite unlike his usual manner, so I suppose he, too, feltit was a tiresome _quart d'heure_. Lord Robert did not hide his concern;he came up to me and took my hand while Christopher was speaking to thefootman who was going with me. 

"You are a dear, " he said, "and a brick, and don't you forget I shall comeand stay with Lady Katherine before you leave, so you won't feel you areall among strangers. "

I thanked him, and he squeezed my hand so kindly. I do like Lord Robert. 

Very soon I was gay again and _insouciante_, and the last they saw of mewas smiling out of the brougham window as I drove off in the dusk. Theyboth stood upon the steps and waved to me. 

Tea was over at Tryland when I arrived--such a long, damp drive! And Iexplained to Lady Katherine how sorry I was to have had to come so late, and that I could not think of troubling her to have up fresh for me; butshe insisted, and after a while a whole new lot came, made in a hurry withthe water not boiling, and I had to gulp down a nasty cup--Ceylon tea, too! I hate Ceylon tea! Mr. Montgomerie warmed himself before the fire, quite shielding it from us, who shivered on a row of high-backed chairsbeyond the radius of the hearth-rug. 

He has a way of puffing out his cheeks and making a noise like "Burrrr, "which sounds very bluff and hearty until you find he has said a mean thingabout some one directly after. And while red hair looks very well on me, Ido think a man with it is the ugliest thing in creation. His face is red, and his nose and cheeks almost purple, and fiery whiskers, fierce enoughto frighten a cat in a dark lane. 

He was a rich Scotch manufacturer, and poor Lady Katherine had to marryhim, I suppose; though, as she is Scotch herself, I dare say she does notnotice that he is rather coarse. 

There are two sons and six daughters--one married, four grown-up, and oneat school in Brussels--and all with red hair! But straight and coarse, andwith freckles and white eyelashes. So, really, it is very kind of LadyKatherine to have asked me here. 

They are all as good as gold on top, and one does poker-work, and anotherbinds books, and a third embroiders altar-cloths, and the fourth knitsties--all for charities, and they ask every one to subscribe to themdirectly they come to the house. The tie and the altar-cloth ones weresitting working hard in the drawing-room--Kirstie and Jean are theirnames; Jessie and Maggie, the poker-worker and the bookbinder, have asitting-room to themselves--their work-shop they call it. They were therestill, I suppose, for I did not see them until dinner. We used to meetonce a year at Mrs. Carruthers's Christmas parties ever since ages andages, and I remember I hated their tartan sashes, and they generally hadcolds in their heads, and one year they gave every one mumps, so theywere not asked the next. The altar-cloth one, Jean, is my age, the otherthree are older. 

It was really very difficult to find something to say, and I can quiteunderstand common people fidgeting when they feel worried like this. Ihave never fidgeted since eight years ago, the last time Mrs. Carruthersboxed my ears for it. Just before going up to dress for dinner Mr. Montgomerie asked blank out if it was true that Mr. Carruthers hadarrived. Lady Katherine had been skirting round this subject for a quarterof an hour. 

I only said yes, but that was not enough, and, once started, he asked astring of questions, with "Burrrr" several times in between. Was Mr. Carruthers going to shoot the pheasants in November? Had he decided tokeep on the chef? Had he given up diplomacy? I said I really did not knowany of these things, I had seen so little of him. 

Lady Katherine nodded her head, while she measured a comforter she wasknitting, to see if it was long enough. 

"I am sure it must have been most awkward for you, his arriving at all; itwas not very good taste on his part, I am afraid, but I suppose he wishedto see his inheritance as soon as possible, " she said. 

I nearly laughed, thinking what she would say if she knew which part ofhis inheritance he had really come to see. I do wonder if she has everheard that Mrs. Carruthers left me to him, more or less, in her will!

"I hope you had your old governess with you, at least, " she continued, aswe went up the stairs, "so that you could feel less uncomfortable--reallya most shocking situation for a girl alone in the house with an unmarriedman!"

I told her Mr. Barton was there, too, but I had not the courage to sayanything about Lord Robert; only that Mr. Carruthers had a friend of hisdown who was a great judge of pictures, to see them. 

"Oh, a valuer, I suppose. I hope he is not going to sell the Correggios, "she exclaimed. 

"No, I don't think so, " I said, leaving the part about the valuerunanswered. 

Mr. Carruthers's being unmarried seemed to worry her most; she went onabout it again before we got to my bedroom door. 

"I happened to hear a rumor at Miss Sheriton's" (the wool-shop inHeadington, our town) "this morning, " she said, "and so I wrote at once toyou. I felt how terrible it would be for one of my own dear girls to beleft alone with a bachelor like that. I almost wonder you did not stay upin your own rooms. "

I thanked her for her kind thought, and she left me at last. 

If she only knew! The unmarried ones who came down the passage to talk tomademoiselle were not half so saucy as the old fellows with wivessomewhere. Lord Bentworth was married, and he wanted me to kiss him, whereas Colonel Grimston had no wife, and he never said Bo! to a goose. And I do wonder what she thought Mr. Carruthers was going to do to me, that it would have been wise for me to stay up in my rooms. Perhaps shethinks diplomats, having lived in foreign places, are sort of wild beasts. 

My room is frightful after my pretty rosy chintzes at Branches. Nastyyellowish wood furniture, and nothing much matching; however, there areplenty of wardrobes, so Véronique is content. 

They were all in the drawing-room when I got down, and Malcolm, the eldestson, who is in a Highland militia regiment, had arrived by a seven-o'clocktrain. 

I had that dreadful feeling of being very late and Mr. Montgomerie wantingto swear at me, though it was only a minute past a quarter to eight. 

He said "Burrrr" several times, and flew off to the dining-room with metucked under his arm, murmuring it gave no cook a chance to keep thedinner waiting. So I expected something wonderful in the way of food, butit is not half so good as our chef sent up at Branches. And the footmenare not all the same height, and their liveries don't fit like Mrs. Carruthers always insisted that ours should do. 

Malcolm _is_ a titsy pootsy man. Not as tall as I am, and thin as a rail, with a look of his knees being too near together. He must be awful in akilt, and I am sure he shivers when the wind blows--he has that air. Idon't like kilts--unless men are big, strong, bronzed creatures that don'tseem ashamed of their bare bits. I saw some splendid specimens marching, once, in Edinburgh, and they swung their skirts just like the beautifulladies in the Bois, when mademoiselle and I went out of the Allée Mrs. Carruthers told us to try always to walk in. 

Lady Catherine talked a great deal at dinner about politics and herdifferent charities, and the four girls were so respectful and interested, but Mr. Montgomerie contradicted her whenever he could. I was glad when wewent into the drawing-room. 

That first evening was the worst of all, because we were all so strange;one seems to get acclimatized to whatever it is after a while. 

Lady Katherine asked me if I had not some fancy-work to do. Kirstie hadbegun her ties, and Jean the altar-cloth, again. 

"Do let Maggie run to your room and fetch it for you, " she said. 

I was obliged to tell her I never did any. "But I--I can trim hats, " Isaid; it really seemed awful not to be able to do anything like them, Ifelt I must say this as a kind of defence for myself. 

However, she seemed to think that hardly a lady's employment. 

"How clever of you!" Kirstie exclaimed. "I wish I could, but don't youfind that intermittent? You can't trim them all the time. Don't you feelthe want of a constant employment?"

I was obliged to say I had not felt like that yet, but I could not tellthem I particularly loved sitting perfectly still, doing nothing. 

Jessie and Maggie played Patience at two tables which folded up, and whichthey brought out and sat down to with a deliberate accustomed look whichmade me know at once they did this every night, and that I should seethose tables planted exactly on those two spots of carpet every eveningduring my whole stay. I suppose it is because they cannot bring thepoker-work and the bookbinding into the drawing-room. 

"Won't you play us something?" Lady Katherine asked, plaintively. Evidently it was not permitted to do nothing, so I got up and went to thepiano. 

Fortunately I know heaps of things by heart, and I love them, and wouldhave gone on and on, so as to fill up the time, but they all said "Thankyou" in a chorus after each bit, and it rather put me off. 

Mr. Montgomerie and Malcolm did not come in for ages, and I could see LadyKatherine getting uneasy. One or two things at dinner suggested to me thatthese two were not on the best terms, perhaps she feared they had come toblows in the dining-room. The Scotch, Mrs. Carruthers said, have all kindsof rough customs that other nations do not keep up any longer. 

They did turn up at last, and Mr. Montgomerie was purple all over hisface, and Malcolm a pale green, but there were no bruises on him; only onecould see they had had a terrible quarrel. 

There is something in breeding, after all, even if one is of a barbarouscountry. Lady Katherine behaved so well, and talked charities and politicsfaster than ever, and did not give them time for any further outburst, though I fancy I heard a few "damns" mixed with the "burrrrs, " and notwithout the "n" on just for ornament, like Lord Robert's. 

It was a frightful evening. 

 Wednesday, _November 9th. _ (Continued. )

Malcolm walked beside me going to church the next day. He looked a littleless depressed, and I tried to cheer him up. 

He did not tell me what his worries were, but Jean had said somethingabout it when she came into my room as I was getting ready. It appears hehas got into trouble over a horse called Angela Grey--Jean gathered thisfrom Lady Katherine; she said her father was very angry about it, as hehad spent so much money on it. 

To me it does not sound like a horse's name, and I told Jean so, but shewas perfectly horrified, and said it must be a horse, because they werenot acquainted with any Angela Grey, and did not even know any Greys atall. So it must be a horse!

I think that a ridiculous reason, as Mrs. Carruthers said all young menknew people one wouldn't want to; and it was silly to make a fuss aboutit, and that they couldn't help it, and they would be very dull if theywere as good as gold, like girls. 

But I expect Lady Katherine thinks differently about things to Mrs. Carruthers, and the daughters the same. 

I shall ask Lord Robert when I see him again if it is a horse or not. 

Malcolm is not attractive, and I was glad the church was not far off. 

No carriages are allowed out on Sunday, so we had to walk; and coming backit began to rain, and we could not go round the stables, which Iunderstand is the custom here every Sunday. 

Everything is done because it is the custom, not because you want to amuseyourself. 

"When it rains and we can't go round the stables, " Kirstie said, "we lookat the old _Illustrated London News_, and go on our way from afternoonchurch. "

I did not particularly want to do that, so stayed in my room as long as Icould. The four girls were seated at a large table in the hall, each witha volume in front of her when I got down at last. They must know everypicture by heart, if they do it every Sunday it rains--they stay inEngland all the winter. 

Jean made room for me beside her. 

"I am at the 'Sixties, '" she said. "I finished the 'Fifties' last Easter. "So they evidently do even this with a method. 

I asked her if there were not any new books they wanted to read, but shesaid Lady Katherine did not care for their looking at magazines or novelsunless she had been through them first, and she had not time for many, sothey kept the few they had to read between tea and dinner on Sunday. 

By this time I felt I should do something wicked; and if the luncheon gonghad not sounded, I do not know what would have happened. 

Mr. Montgomerie said rather gallant things to me when the cheese and portcame along, while the girls looked shocked, and Lady Katherine had a stonystare. I suppose he is like this because he is married. I wonder, though, if young married men are the same. I have never met any yet. 

By Monday night I was beginning to feel the end of the world would comesoon. It is ten times worse than ever having had to conceal all myfeelings and abjectly obey Mrs. Carruthers. Because she did say cynical, entertaining things sometimes to me, and to her friends, that made onelaugh. And one felt it was only she who made the people who were dependentupon her do her way, because she herself was so selfish, and that the restof the world were free if once one got outside. 

But Lady Katherine and the whole Montgomerie _milieu_ give you theimpression that everything and everybody must be ruled by rules; and noone could have a right to an individual opinion in any sphere of society. 

You simply can't laugh--they asphyxiate you. I am looking forward to thisafternoon and Mr. Carruthers coming over. I often think of the days atBranches, and how exciting it was, with those two, and I wish I were backagain. 

I have tried to be polite and nice to them all here, and yet they don'tseem absolutely pleased. 

Malcolm gazes at me with sheep's eyes. They are a washy blue, with thefamily white eyelashes (how different to Lord Robert's!). He has the mostprecise, regulated manner, and never says a word of slang; he ought tohave been a young curate, and I can't imagine his spending money on anyAngela Greys, even if she is a horse or not. 

He speaks to me when he can, and asks me to go for walks round the golfcourse. The four girls play for an hour and three-quarters every morning. They never seem to enjoy anything--the whole of life is a solid duty. I amsitting up in my room, and Véronique has had the sense to have my firelighted early. I suppose Mr. Carruthers won't come until about four--anhour more to be got through. I have said I must write letters, and sohave escaped from them and not had to go for the usual drive. 

I suppose he will have the sense to ask for me, even if Lady Katherine isnot back when he comes. 

This morning it was so fine and frosty a kind of devil seemed to creepinto me. I have been _so_ good since Saturday, so when Malcolm said, inhis usual prim, priggish voice, "Miss Travers, may I have the pleasure oftaking you for a little exercise, " I jumped up without consulting LadyKatherine, and went and put my things on, and we started. 

I had a feeling that they were all thinking I was doing something wrong, and so, of course, it made me worse. I said every kind of simple thing Icould to Malcolm to make him jump, and looked at him now and then fromunder my eyelashes. So when we got to a stile, he did want to help me, andhis eyes were quite wobblish. He has a giggle right up in the treble, andit comes out at such unexpected moments, when there is nothing to laughat. I suppose it is being Scotch--he has just caught the meaning of someformer joke. There would never be any use in saying things to him like toLord Robert and Mr. Carruthers, because one would have left the placebefore he understood, if even then. 

There was an old Sir Thomas Farquharson who came to Branches, and hegrasped the deepest jokes of Mrs. Carruthers--so deep that even I did notunderstand them--and he was Scotch. It may be they are like that only whenthey have red hair. 

When I was seated on top of a stile, Malcolm suddenly announced:

"I hear you are going to London when you go. I hope you will let me comeand see you; but I wish you lived here always. "

"I don't, " I said, and then I remembered that sounded rather rude, andthey had been kind to me. "At least, you know, I think the country isdull; don't you--for always?"

"Yes, " he replied, primly, "for men, but it is where I should always wishto see the woman I respected. "

"Are towns so wicked?" I asked, in my little-angel voice. "Tell me oftheir pitfalls, so that I may avoid them. "

"You must not believe everything people say to you, to begin with, " hesaid, seriously. "For one so young as you, I am afraid you will find yourpath beset with temptations. "

"Oh, do tell me what!" I implored. "I have always wanted to know whattemptations were. Please tell me. If you come to see me--would you be atemptation, or is temptation a thing and not a person?" I looked at himso beseechingly he never for a second saw the twinkle in my eye. 

He coughed pompously. "I expect I should be, " he said modestly. "Temptations are--er--er--Oh, I say, you know, I say--I don't know what tosay. "

"Oh, what a pity!" I said, regretfully. "I was hoping to hear all about itfrom you, especially if you are one yourself; you must know. "

He looked gratified, but still confused. 

"You see, when you are quite alone in London, some man may make love toyou. "

"Oh, do you think so, _really_?" I asked, aghast. "That, I suppose, wouldbe frightful, if I were by myself in the room. Would it do, do you think, if I left the sitting-room door open and kept Véronique on the otherside?"

He looked at me hard, but he only saw the face of an unprotected angel, and, becoming reassured, he said, gravely:

"Yes, it might be just as well. "

"You do surprise me about love, " I said. "I had no idea it was a violentkind of thing like that. I thought it began with grave reverence andrespect, and after years of offering flowers and humble compliments, andbread-and-butter at tea-parties, the gentleman went down upon one knee andmade a declaration--'Clara Maria, I adore you; be mine'--and then one putout a lily-white hand and, blushing, told him to rise; but that can't beyour sort, and you have not yet explained what temptation means. "

"It means more or less wanting to do what you ought not to. "

"Oh, then, " I said, "I am having temptation all the time; aren't you? Forinstance, I want to tear up Jean's altar-cloth, and rip Kirstie's ties, and tool bad words on Jessie's bindings, and burn Maggie's wood-boxes. "

He looked horribly shocked and hurt, so I added at once:

"Of course, it must be lovely to be able to do these things; they areperfect girls, and so clever, only it makes me feel like that because Isuppose I am--different. "

He looked at me critically. "Yes, you are different; I wish you would tryand be more like my sisters, then I should not feel so nervous about yourgoing to London. "

"It is too good of you to worry, " I said, demurely. "But I don't think youneed, you know. I have rather a strong suspicion I am acquainted with theway to take care of myself, " and I bent down and laughed right in hisface, and jumped off the stile onto the other side. 

He did look such a teeny shrimp climbing after me! But it does not matterwhat is their size, the vanity of men is just the same. I am sure hethought he had only to begin making love to me himself and I would droplike a ripe peach into his mouth. 

I teased him all the way back, until when we got in to lunch he did notknow whether he was on his head or his heels. Just as we came up to thedoor he said:

"I thought your name was Evangeline; why did you say it was Clara Maria?"

"Because it is not!" I laughed over my shoulder, and ran into the house. 

He stood on the steps, and if he had been one of the stable-boys he wouldhave scratched his head. 

Now I must stop and dress. I shall put on a black tea-frock I have. Mr. Carruthers shall see I have not caught frumpdom from my hosts. 

 _Night. _

I do think men are the most horrid creatures--you can't believe what theysay or rely upon them for five minutes! Mrs. Carruthers was right; shesaid, "Evangeline, remember, it is quite difficult enough to trust one'sself without trusting a man. "

Such an afternoon I have had! That annoying feeling of waiting forsomething all the time and nothing happening. For Mr. Carruthers did notturn up, after all. How I wish I had not dressed and expected him!

He is probably saying to himself he is well out of the business, now Ihave gone. I don't suppose he meant a word of his protestations to me. Well, he need not worry. I had no intention of jumping down his throat;only I would have been glad to see him, because he is human, and not likeany one here. 

Of course, Lord Robert will be the same, and I shall probably never seeeither of them again. How can Lord Robert get here when he does not knowLady Katherine? No; it was just said to say something nice when I wasleaving, and he will be as horrid as Mr. Carruthers. 

I am thankful, at least, that I did not tell Lady Katherine; I should havefelt such a goose. Oh! I do wonder what I shall do next. I don't know atall how much things cost; perhaps three hundred a year is very poor. I amsure my best frocks always were five or six hundred francs each, and Idare say hotels run away with money. But for the moment I am rich, as Mr. Barton kindly advanced some of my legacy to me; and, oh, I am going to seelife! and it is absurd to be sad! I shall go to bed, and forget how crossI feel. 

They are going to have a shoot here next week--pheasants. I wonder if theywill have a lot of old men. I have not heard all who are coming. 

Lady Katherine said to me after dinner this evening that she was sorry, asshe was afraid it would be most awkward for me their having a party, onaccount of my deep mourning, and I, if I felt it dreadfully, I need notconsider they would find me the least rude if I preferred to have dinnerin my room. 

I don't want to have dinner in my room. Think of the stuffiness of it! Andperhaps hearing laughter going on down-stairs. 

I can always amuse myself watching faces, however dull they are. I thankedher, and said it would not be at all necessary, as I must get accustomedto seeing people. I could not count upon always meeting hostesses withsuch kind thoughts as hers, and I might as well get used to it. 

She said "Yes, " but not cordially. 

To-morrow Mrs. Mackintosh, the eldest daughter, is arriving with her fourchildren. I remember her wedding five years ago. I have never seen hersince. 

She was very tall and thin, and stooped dreadfully, and Mrs. Carrutherssaid Providence had been very kind in giving her a husband at all. Butwhen Mr. Mackintosh tittuped down the aisle with her, I did not think so. 

A wee, sandy fellow about up to her shoulder!

Oh, I would hate to be tied to that! I think to be tied to anything couldnot be very nice. I wonder how I ever thought of marrying Mr. Carruthersoffhand!

I feel now I shall never marry, for years. Of course one can't be an oldmaid, but for a long time I mean to see life first. 

 TRYLAND, Thursday, _November 10th. _

 BRANCHES, _Wednesday. _

 DEAR MISS TRAVERS, --

 I regret exceedingly I was unable to come over to Tryland to-day, but hope to do so before you leave. I trust you are well, and did not catch cold on the drive. 

 Yours, very truly, CHRISTOPHER CARRUTHERS. 

_This_ is what I get this morning! Pig!

Well, I sha'n't be in if he does come. I can just see him pullinghimself together once temptation (it makes me think of Malcolm!) is outof his way; he no doubt feels he has had an escape, as I am nobody verygrand. 

The letters come early here, as everywhere, but in a bag which only Mr. Montgomerie can open, and one has to wait until every one is seated atbreakfast before he produces the key and deals them all out. 

Mr. Carruthers's was the only one for me, and it had "Branches" on theenvelope, which attracted Mr. Montgomerie's attention, and he began to"burrrr, " and hardly gave me time to read it before he commenced to askquestions apropos of the place, to get me to say what the letter wasabout. He is a curious man. 

"Carruthers is a capital fellow, they tell me--er. You had better askhim over quietly, Katherine, if he is all alone at Branches"--this withone eye on me in a questioning way. 

I remained silent. 

"Perhaps he is off to London, though?"

I pretended to be busy with my coffee. 

"Best pheasant-shoot in the county, and a close borough under the oldrégime. Hope he will be more neighborly--Er--suppose he must shoot 'embefore November?"

I buttered my toast. 

Then the "burrrrs" began. I wonder he does not have a noise that endswith d--n simply. It would save him time. 

"Couldn't help seeing your letter was from Branches. Hope Carruthersgives you some news?"

As he addressed me deliberately, I was obliged to answer:

"I have no information. It is only a business letter, " and I ate toastagain. 

He "burrred" more than ever, and opened some of his own correspondence. 

"What am I to do, Katherine, " he said, presently--"that confoundedfellow Campion has thrown me over for next week, and he is my best gun?At short notice like this, it's impossible to replace him with the sameclass of shot. "

"Yes, dear, " said Lady Katherine, in that kind of voice that has notheard the question. She was deep in her own letters. 

"Katherine!" roared Mr. Montgomerie. "Will you listen when Ispeak--burrrr!" and he thumped his fist on the table. 

Poor Lady Katherine almost jumped, and the china rattled. 

"Forgive me, Anderson, " she said, humbly; "you were saying----?"

"Campion has thrown me over, " glared Mr. Montgomerie. 

"Then I have perhaps the very thing for you, " Lady Katherine said, in arelieved way, returning to her letters. "Sophia Merrenden writes thismorning, and among other things tells me of her nephew, Lord RobertVavasour--you know, Torquilstone's half-brother. She says he is the mostcharming young man and a wonderful shot--she even suggests" (lookingback a page), "that he might be useful to us, if we are short of a gun. "

"Damned kind of her!" growled Mr. Montgomerie. 

I hope they did not notice, but I had suddenly such a thrill of pleasurethat I am sure my cheeks got red. I felt frightfully excited to hearwhat was going to happen. 

"Merrenden, as you know, is the best judge of shooting in England, " LadyKatherine went on, in an injured voice. "Sophia is hardly likely torecommend his nephew so highly if he were not pretty good. "

"But you don't know the puppy, Katherine. "

My heart fell. 

"That is not the least consequence; we are almost related. Merrenden ismy first cousin, you forget that, I suppose!"

Fortunately I could detect that Lady Katherine was becoming obstinateand offended. I drank some more coffee. Oh, how lovely if Lord Robertcomes!

Mr. Montgomerie "burrred" a lot first, but Lady Katherine got him round, and before breakfast was over it was decided she should write to LordRobert and ask him to come to the shoot. As we were all standing lookingout of the window at the dripping rain, I heard her say, in a low voice:

"Really, Anderson, we must think of the girls sometimes. Torquilstone isa confirmed bachelor and a cripple--Lord Robert will certainly one daybe duke. "

"Well, catch him if you can, " said Mr. Montgomerie. He is coarsesometimes. 

I am not going to let myself think much about Lord Robert. Mr. Carruthers has been a lesson to me. But if he does come, I wonder ifLady Katherine will think it funny of me not saying I knew him when shefirst spoke of him. It is too late now, so it can't be helped. 

The Mackintosh party arrived this afternoon. Marriage must have quitedifferent effects on some people. Numbers of the married women we saw inLondon were lovely--prettier, I always heard, than they had beenbefore--but Mary Mackintosh is perfectly awful. She can't be more thantwenty-seven, but she looks forty, at least; and stout, and sticking outall in the wrong places, and flat where the stick-outs ought to be. Andthe four children. The two eldest look much the same age, the next alittle smaller, and there is a baby, and they all squall, and althoughthey seem to have heaps of nurses, poor Mr. Mackintosh has to be a kindof under one. He fetches and carries for them, and gives hishandkerchief when they slobber, but perhaps it is he feels proud that aperson of his size had these four enormous babies almost all at oncelike that. 

The whole thing is simply dreadful. 

Tea was a pandemonium! The four aunts gushing over the infants, andfeeding them with cake, and gurgling with "tootsie-wootsie popsy-wopsy"kind of noises. They will get to do "burrrrs, " I am sure, when they getolder. I wonder if the infants will come down every afternoon when theshoot happens. The guests will enjoy it. 

I said to Jean as we came up-stairs that I thought it seemed terrible toget married; did not she? But she was shocked, and said no, marriage andmotherhood were sacred duties, and she envied her sister. 

This kind of thing is not my idea of bliss. Two really well-behavedchildren would be delicious, I think; but four squalling imps all aboutthe same age is _bourgeois_, and not the affair of a lady. 

I suppose Lord Robert's answer cannot get here till about Saturday. Iwonder how he arranged it? It is clever of him. Lady Katherine said thisMr. Campion who was coming is in the same regiment, the 3d Life Guards. Perhaps when---- But there is no use my thinking about it, only somehowI am feeling so much better to-night--gay, and as if I did not mindbeing very poor--that I was obliged to tease Malcolm a little afterdinner. I _would_ play Patience, and never lifted my eyes from thecards. 

He kept trying to say things to me to get me to go to the piano, but Ipretended I did not notice. A palm stands at the corner of a highChippendale writing-bureau, and Jessie happened to have put thePatience-table behind that rather, so the rest of them could not seeeverything that was happening. Malcolm at last sat very near beside me, and wanted to help with the aces--but I can't bear people being close tome, so I upset the board, and he had to pick up all the cards on thefloor. Kirstie, for a wonder, played the piano then--a cake-walk--andthere was something in it that made me feel I wanted to move--to dance, to undulate--I don't know what--and my shoulders swayed a little in timeto the music. Malcolm breathed quite as if he had a cold, and said, right in my ear, in a fat voice:

"You know you are a devil--and I----"

I stopped him at once, and looked up for the first time, absolutelyshocked and surprised. 

"Really, Mr. Montgomerie, I do not know what you mean, " I said. 

He began to fidget. 

"Er--I mean--I mean--I awfully wish to kiss you. "

"But I do not a bit wish to kiss you, " I said, and I opened my eyes wideat him. 

He looked like a spiteful bantam, and fortunately at that moment Jessiereturned to the Patience, and he could not say any more. 

Lady Katherine and Mrs. Mackintosh came into my room on the way up tobed. She--Lady Katherine--wanted to show Mary how beautifully they hadhad it done up; it used to be hers before she married. They looked allround at the dead-daffodil-colored cretonne and things, and at last Icould see their eyes often straying to my night-gown, and dressing-gown, laid out on a chair beside the fire. 

"Oh, Lady Katherine, I am afraid you are wondering at my having pinksilk, " I said, apologetically, "as I am in mourning; but I have not hadtime to get a white dressing-gown yet. "

"It is not that, dear, " said Lady Katherine, in a grave duty voice. "I--I--do not think such a night-gown is suitable for a girl. "

"Oh, but I am very strong, " I said. "I never catch cold. "

Mary Mackintosh held it up, with a face of stern disapproval. Of courseit has short sleeves ruffled with Valenciennes, and is fine linencambric nicely embroidered. Mrs. Carruthers was always very particularabout them, and chose them herself at Doucet's. She said one never couldknow when places might catch on fire. 

"Evangeline, dear, you are very young, so you probably cannotunderstand, " Mary said. "But I consider this garment not in any way fitfor a girl, or for any good woman for that matter. Mother, I hope mysisters have not seen it. "

I looked so puzzled. 

She examined the stuff, one could see the chair through it, beyond. 

"What _would_ Alexander say if I were to wear such a thing!"

This thought seemed to almost suffocate them both; they looked genuinelypained and shocked. 

"Of course it would be too tight for you, " I said, humbly; "but it isotherwise a very good pattern, and does not tear when one puts up one'sarms. Mrs. Carruthers made a fuss at Doucet's because my last set toreso soon, and they altered these. "

At the mention of my late adopted mother, both of them pulled themselvesup. 

"Mrs. Carruthers, we know, had very odd notions, " Lady Katherine said, stiffly. "But I hope, Evangeline, you have sufficient sense tounderstand now for yourself that such a--a--garment is not at allseemly. "

"Oh, why not, dear Lady Katherine?" I said, "You don't know how becomingit is. "

"Becoming!" almost screamed Mary Mackintosh, "But no nice-minded womanwants things to look becoming in bed!"

The whole matter appeared so painful to them I covered up the offending"nighty" with my dressing-gown, and coughed. It made a break, and theywent away, saying good-night frigidly. 

And now I am alone. But I do wonder why it is wrong to look pretty inbed, considering nobody sees one, too!

 TRYLAND COURT, Monday, _November 14th. _

I have not felt like writing; these last days have been so stodgy--sticky, I was going to say. Endless infant talk. The methods of head nurses, teething, the knavish tricks of nursemaids, patent foods, bottles, bibs--everything. Enough to put one off forever from wishing to getmarried. And Mary Mackintosh sitting there all out of shape, expoundingtheories that can have no results in practice, as there could not beworse-behaved children than hers. 

They even try Lady Katherine, I can see, when the two eldest, who come inwhile we are at breakfast each day, take the jam-spoon, or somethingequally horrid, and dab it all over the cloth. Yesterday they put theirhands in the honey-dish which Mr. Montgomerie was helping himself to, andthen after smearing him (the "burrrs" were awful), they went round thetable to escape being caught, and fingered the backs of every one's chairand the door-handle, so that one could not touch a thing without gettingsticky. 

"Alexander, dearie, " Mary said. "Alec must have his mouth wiped. "

Poor Mr. Mackintosh had to get up and leave his breakfast, catch theseimps, and employ his table-napkin in vain. 

"Take 'em up-stairs, do--burrrr, " roared their fond grandfather. 

"Oh, father, the poor darlings are not really naughty, " Mary said, offended. "I like them to be with us all as much as possible. I thoughtthey would be such a pleasure to you. "

Upon which, hearing the altercation, both infants set up a yell of fearand rage, and Alec, the cherub of four and a half, lay on the floor andkicked and screamed until he was black in the face. 

Mr. Mackintosh is too small to manage two, so one of the footmen had tocome and help him to carry them up to their nursery. Oh, I would not be inhis place for the world!

Malcolm is becoming so funny. I suppose he is attracted by me. He makeskind of love in a priggish way whenever he gets the chance, which is notoften, as Lady Katherine contrives to send one of the girls with us on allour walks; or if we are in the drawing-room, she comes and sits downbeside us herself. I am glad, as it would be a great bore to listen to aquantity of it. 

How silly of her, though! She can't know as much about men as even I do;of course, it only makes him all the more eager. 

It is quite an object-lesson for me. I shall be impossibly difficultmyself if I meet Mr. Carruthers again, as he has no mother to play thesetricks for him. 

Lord Robert's answer came on Saturday afternoon. It was all done throughLady Merrenden. 

He will be delighted to come and shoot on Tuesday, to-morrow. Oh, I am soglad, but I do wonder if I shall be able to make him understand not to sayanything about having been at Branches while I was there. Such a simplething, but Lady Katherine is so odd and particular. 

The party is to be a large one--nine guns. I hope some will be amusing, though I rather fear. 

 _Tuesday night. _

It is quite late, nearly twelve o'clock, but I feel so wide awake I mustwrite. 

I shall begin from the beginning, when every one arrived. 

They came by two trains early in the afternoon, and just at tea-time, andLord Robert was among the last lot. 

They are mostly the same sort as Lady Katherine, looking as good as gold;but one woman, Lady Verningham, Lady Katherine's niece, is different, andI liked her at once. 

She has lovely clothes, and an exquisite figure, and her hat on the rightway. She has charming manners, too, but one can see she is on a dutyvisit. 

Even all this company did not altogether stop Mary Mackintosh laying downthe law upon domestic--infant domestic--affairs. We all sat in the bigdrawing-room, and I caught Lady Verningham's eye, and we laughed together. The first eye with a meaning in it I have seen since I left Branches. 

Everybody talked so agreeably, with pauses, not enjoying themselves atall, when Jean and Kirstie began about their work, and explained it, andtried to get orders, and Jessie and Maggie too, and specimens of it allhad to be shown, and prices fixed. I should hate to have to beg, even fora charity. 

I felt quite uncomfortable for them, but they did not mind a bit, andtheir victims were noble over it. 

Our parson at Branches always got so red and nervous when he had to askfor anything, one could see he was quite a gentleman; but women aredifferent, I suppose. 

I longed for tea. 

While they are all very kind here, there is that asphyxiating atmosphereof stiffness and decorum which affects every one who comes to Tryland. Asort of "the gold must be tried by fire and the heart must be wrung bypain" kind of suggestion about everything. 

They are extraordinarily cheerful, because it is a Christian virtue, cheerfulness; not because they are brimming over with joy, or that lovelyfeeling of being alive and not minding much what happens, you feel sosplendid, like I get on fine days. 

Everything they do has a reason, or a moral, in it. This party is becausepheasants have to be killed in November, and certain people have to beentertained, and their charities can be assisted through them. Oh, if Ihad a big house, and were rich, I would have lovely parties, with allsorts of nice people, because I wanted to give them a good time and laughmyself. Lady Verningham was talking to me just before tea, when the secondtrain-load arrived. 

I tried to be quite indifferent, but I did feel dreadfully excited whenLord Robert walked in. Oh, he looked such a beautiful creature, so smart, and straight, and lithe!

Lady Katherine was frightfully stiff with him; it would have discouragedmost people, but that is the lovely part about Lord Robert, he is alwaysabsolutely _sans gêne_!

He saw me at once, of course, and came over as straight as a die themoment he could. 

"How do, Robert?" said Lady Verningham, giving him her fingers in such anattractive way. "Why are you here, and why is our Campie not? Therebyhangs some tale, I feel sure. "

"Why, yes, " said Lord Robert, and he held her hand. Then he looked at mewith his eyebrow up. "But won't you introduce me to Miss Travers? To mygreat surprise she seems to have forgotten me. "

I laughed, and Lady Verningham introduced us, and he sat down beside us, and every one began tea. 

Lady Verningham had such a look in her eye!

"Robert, tell me about it, " she said. 

"I hear they have five thousand pheasants to slay, " Lord Robert said, looking at her with his innocent smile. 

"Robert, you are lying, " she said, and she laughed. She is so pretty whenshe laughs; not very young, over thirty I should think, but such acharm--as different as different can be from the whole Montgomerie family. 

I hardly spoke; they continued to tease one another, and Lord Robert atemost of a plate of bread-and-butter that was near. 

"I am damed hungry, Lady Ver!" he said. She smiled at him; she evidentlylikes him very much. 

"Robert! You must not use such language here!" she said. 

"Oh, doesn't he say them often?--those dams!" I burst out, not thinkingfor a moment; then I stopped, remembering. She did seem surprised. 

"So you have heard them before. I thought you had only just met casually, "she said, with such a comic look of understanding, but not absolutelypleased. I stupidly got crimson. It did annoy me, because it shows sodreadfully on my skin. She leaned back in her chair and laughed. 

"It is delightful to shoot five thousand pheasants, Robert, " she said. 

"Now, isn't it?" replied Lord Robert. He had finished thebread-and-butter. 

Then he told her she was a dear, and he was glad something had suggestedto Mr. Campion that he would have other views of living for this week. 

"You are a joy, Robert, " she said. "But you will have to behave here. Noneof the tricks you played at Fotherington in October, my child. AuntKatherine would put you in a corner. Miss Travers has been here a week, and can tell you I am truthful about it. "

"Indeed, _yes_, " I said. 

"But I _must_ know how you got here!" she commanded. 

Just then, fortunately, Malcolm, who had been hovering near, came up andjoined us, and would talk too; but if he had been a table or a chair hecould not have mattered less to Lord Robert. He is quite wonderful. He isnot the least rude, only perfectly simple and direct, always getting justwhat he wants, with rather an appealing expression in his blue eyes. In aminute or two he and I were talking together, and Malcolm and LadyVerningham a few yards off. I felt so happy. He makes one like that, Idon't know for what reason. 

"Why did you look so stonily indifferent when I came up?" he asked. "I wasafraid you were annoyed with me for coming. "

Then I told him about Lady Katherine, and my stupidly not having mentionedmeeting him at Branches. 

"Oh, then I stayed with Christopher after you left, I see, " he said. "HadI met you in London?"

"We won't tell any stories about it. They can think what they please. "

"Very well, " he laughed. "I can see I shall have to manoeuvre a gooddeal to talk quietly to you here, but you will stand with me, won't you, out shooting to-morrow?"

I told him I did not suppose we should be allowed to go out, exceptperhaps for lunch, but he said he refused to believe in such cruelty. 

Then he asked me a lot of things about how I had been getting on, and whatI intended to do next. He has the most charming way of making one feelthat one knows him very well, he looks at one every now and then straightin the eyes, with astonishing frankness. I have never seen any person soquite without airs. I don't suppose he is ever thinking a bit the effecthe is producing. Nothing has two meanings with him, like with Mr. Carruthers. If he had said I was to stay and marry him, I am sure he wouldhave meant it, and I really believe I should have stayed. 

"Do you remember our morning packing?" he said, presently, in such acaressing voice. "I was so happy; weren't you?"

I said I was. 

"And Christopher was mad with us. He was like a bear with a sore headafter you left, and insisted upon going up to town on Monday, just for theday. He came over here on Tuesday, didn't he?"

"No, he did not, " I was obliged to say, and I felt cross about it still, Idon't know why. 

"He is a queer creature, " said Lord Robert, "and I am glad you have notseen him. I don't want him in the way. I am a selfish brute, you know. "

I said Mrs. Carruthers had always brought me up to know men were that, sosuch a thing would not prejudice me against him. 

He laughed. "You must help me to come and sit and talk again afterdinner, " he said. "I can see the red-haired son means you for himself, butof course I shall not allow that. "

I became uppish. 

"Malcolm and I are great friends, " I said, demurely. "He walks me roundthe golf-course in the park, and gives me advice. "

"Confounded impertinence!" said Lord Robert. 

"He thinks I ought not to go to Claridge's alone when I leave here, incase some one made love to me. He feels if I looked more like his sistersit would be safer. I have promised that Véronique shall stay at the otherside of the door if I have visitors. "

"Oh, he is afraid of that, is he? Well, I think it is very probable hisfears will be realized, as I shall be in London, " said Lord Robert. 

"But how do you know, " I began, with a questioning, serious air--"how doyou know I should listen? You can't go on to deaf people, can you?"

"Are you deaf?" he asked. "I don't think so; anyway, I would try to cureyour deafness. " He bent close over to me, pretending to pick up a book. 

Oh, I was having such a nice time!

All of a sudden I felt I was really living, the blood was jumping in myveins, and a number of provoking, agreeable things came to the tip of mytongue to say, and I said them. We were so happy. 

Lord Robert is such a beautiful shape, that pleased me too; the perfectlines of things always give me a nice emotion. The other men look thickand clumsy beside him, and he does have such lovely clothes and ties. 

We talked on and on. He began to show me he was deeply interested in me. His eyes, so blue and expressive, said even more than his words. I like tosee him looking down; his eyelashes are absurdly long and curly, not jetblack like mine and Mr. Carruthers's, but dark brown and soft and shaded, and, oh! I don't know how to say quite why they are so attractive. Whenone sees them half resting on his cheek it makes one feel it would be niceto put out the tip of one's finger and touch them. I never spent such adelightful afternoon. Only, alas! it was all too short. 

"We will arrange to sit together after dinner, " he whispered, as evenbefore the dressing-gong had rung, Lady Katherine came and fussed about, and collected every one, and more or less drove them off to dress, saying, on the way up-stairs, to me, that I need not come down if I had rathernot. 

I thanked her again, but remained firm in my intention of accustomingmyself to company. 

Stay in my room, indeed, with Lord Robert at dinner--never!

However, when I did come down he was surrounded by Montgomeries, andpranced into the dining-room with Lady Verningham. 

I had such a bore! A young Mackintosh, cousin of Mary's husband, and onthe other side the parson. The one talked about botany in a hoarsewhisper, with a Scotch accent, and the other gobbled his food, and madekind of pious jokes in between the mouthfuls. 

I said, when I had borne it bravely up to the ices, I hated knowing whatflowers were composed of, I only liked to pick them. The youth stared, anddid not speak much more. For the parson, "Yes" now and then did, and likethat we got through dinner. 

Malcolm was opposite me, and he gaped most of the time. Even he might havebeen better than the botanist, but I suppose Lady Katherine felt these twowould be a kind of half mourning for me. No one could have felt gay withthem. 

After dinner Lady Verningham took me over to a sofa with her, in a corner. The sofas here don't have pillows, as at Branches, but fortunately thisone is a little apart, though not comfortable, and we could talk. 

"You poor child!" she said; "you had a dull time. I was watching you. Whatdid that Mactavish creature find to say to you?"

I told her, and that his name was Mackintosh, not Mactavish. 

"Yes, I know, " she said. "But I call the whole clan Mactavish; it is nearenough, and it does worry Mary so, she corrects me every time. Now don'tyou want to get married, and be just like Mary?" There was a twinkle inher eye. 

I said I had not felt wild about it yet. I wanted to go and see lifefirst. 

But she told me one couldn't see life unless one were married. 

"Not even if one is an adventuress, like me?" I asked. 

"A _what_?"

"An adventuress, " I said. "People do seem so astonished when I say that. Ihave got to be one, you know, because Mrs. Carruthers never left me themoney after all, and in the book I read about it, it said you were that ifyou had nice clothes, and--and--red hair--and things--and no home. "

She rippled all over with laughter. 

"You duck!" she said. "Now you and I will be friends. Only you must notplay with Robert Vavasour. He belongs to me. He is one of my special andparticular own pets. Is it a bargain?"

I do wish now I had the pluck then to say straight out that I rather likedLord Robert, and would not make any bargain, but one is foolish sometimeswhen taken suddenly. It is then when I suppose it shows if one's head isscrewed on, and mine wasn't to-night. But she looked so charming, and Ifelt a little proud, and perhaps ashamed to show that I am very muchinterested in Lord Robert, especially if he belongs to her, whatever thatmeans; and so I said it was a bargain, and of course I had never thoughtof playing with him; but when I came to reflect afterwards, that is apromise, I suppose, and I sha'n't be able to look at him any more under myeyelashes. And I don't know why I feel very wide awake and tired, andrather silly, and as if I wanted to cry to-night. 

However, she was awfully kind to me, and lovely, and has asked me to goand stay with her, and lots of nice things, so it is all for the best, nodoubt. But when Lord Robert came in, and came over to us, it did feel hardhaving to get up at once and go and pretend I wanted to talk to Malcolm. 

I did not dare to look up often, but sometimes, and I found Lord Robert'seyes were fixed on me with an air of reproach and entreaty, and the lasttime there was wrath as well. 

Lady Verningham kept him with her until every one started to go to bed. 

There had been music and bridge, and other boring diversions happening, but I sat still. And I don't know what Malcolm had been talking about; Ihad not been listening, though I kept murmuring "Yes" and "No. "

He got more and more _empressé_, until suddenly I realized he was saying, as we rose:

"You have promised! Now remember, and I shall ask you to keepit--to-morrow. "

And there was such a loving, mawkish, wobbly look in his eyes, it made mefeel quite sick. The horrible part is I don't know what I have promisedany more than the man in the moon. It may be something perfectly dreadful, for all I know. Well, if it is a fearful thing, like kissing him, I shallhave to break my word, which I never do for any consideration whatever. 

Oh, dear, oh, dear! It is not always so easy to laugh at life as I oncethought. I almost wish I were settled down, and had not to be anadventuress. Some situations are so difficult. I think now I shall go tobed. 

I wonder if Lord Robert---- No, what is the good of wondering; he is nolonger my affair. 

I shall blow out the light. 

 300 PARK STREET, Saturday night, _November 19th. _

I do not much care to look back to the rest of my stay at Tryland. It isan unpleasant memory. 

That next day after I last wrote, it poured with rain, and every one camedown cross to breakfast. The whole party appeared, except Lady Verningham, and breakfast was just as stiff and boring as dinner. I happened to beseated when Lord Robert came in, and Malcolm was in the place beside me. Lord Robert hardly spoke, and looked at me once or twice with his eyebrowsright up. 

I did long to say it was because I had promised Lady Ver I would not playwith him that I was not talking to him now like the afternoon before. Iwonder if he ever guessed it. Oh, I wished then, and I have wished ahundred times since, that I had never promised at all. It seemed as if itwould be wisest to avoid him, as how could I explain the change in myself?I hated the food, and Malcolm had such an air of proprietorship it annoyedme as much as I could see it annoyed Lady Katherine. I sniffed at him, andwas as disagreeable as could be. 

The breakfasts there don't shine, and porridge is pressed upon people byMr. Montgomerie. "Capital stuff to begin the day--burrrr, " he says. 

Lord Robert could not find anything he wanted, it seemed. Every one waspeevish. Lady Katherine has a way of marshalling people on every occasion;she reminds me of a hen with chickens, putting her wings down and cluckingand chasing till they are all in a corner. And she is rather that shape, too, very much rounded in front. The female brood soon found themselves inthe morning-room, with the door shut, and no doubt the male things faredthe same with their host--anyway, we saw no more of them till we caughtsight of them passing the windows in scutums and mackintoshes, a depressedcompany of sportsmen. 

The only fortunate part was that Malcolm had found no opportunity toremind me of my promise, whatever it was, and I felt safer. 

Oh, that terrible morning! Much worse than when we were alone; nearly allof them, about seven women beyond the family, began fancy-work. 

One, a Lady Letitia Smith, was doing a crewel silk blotting-book that mademe quite bilious to look at, and she was very short-sighted, and had suchan irritating habit of asking every one to match her threads for her. Theyknitted ties and stockings, and crocheted waistcoats and comforters andhoods for the North Sea fishermen, and one even tatted. Just likehousemaids do in their spare hours to trim Heaven knows what garment ofunbleached calico. 

I asked her what it was for, and she said for the children's pinafores inher "guild" work. If one doesn't call that waste of time, I wonder whatis. 

Mrs. Carruthers said it was much more useful to learn to sit still and notfidget than to fill the world with rubbish like this. 

Mary Mackintosh dominated the conversation. She and Lady Letitia Smith, who have both small babies, revelled in nursery details, and thenwhispered bits for us, the young girls not to hear. We caught scrapsthough, and it sounded grewsome, whatever it was about. Oh, I do wonderwhen I get married if I shall grow like them!

I hope not. 

It is no wonder married men are obliged to say gallant things to otherpeople, if, when they get home, their wives are like that. 

I tried to be agreeable to a lady who was next me. She was a ChristianScientist, and wore glasses. She endeavored to convert me, but I wasabnormally thick-headed that day, and had to have things explained overand over, so she gave it up at last. 

Finally, when I felt I should do something desperate, a footman came tosay Lady Verningham wished to see me in her room, and I bounded up, but asI got to the door I saw them beginning to shake their heads over her. 

"Sad that dear Ianthe has such irregular habits of breakfasting in herroom; so bad for her, " etc. , etc. But, thank Heaven, I was soon outside inthe hall, where her maid was waiting for me. 

One would hardly have recognized that it was a Montgomerie apartment, thebig room overlooking the porch, where she was located, so changed did itsaspect seem. She had numbers of photographs about, and the loveliest goldtoilet things, and lots of frilled garments, and flowers, andscent-bottles; and her own pillows propping her up, all blue silk, andlovely muslin embroideries; and she did look such a sweet, cosey thingamong it all, her dark hair in fluffs round her face, and an angelic lacecap over it. She was smoking a cigarette, and writing numbers of letterswith a gold stylograph pen. The blue silk quilt was strewn withcorrespondence, and newspapers, and telegraph forms. And her garment waslow-necked, of course, and thin like mine. I wondered what Alexander wouldhave thought if he could have seen her in contrast to Mary. I know which Iwould choose if I were a man. 

"Oh, there you are!" she exclaimed, looking up, and puffing smoke clouds. "Sit on the bye-bye, snake-girl. I felt I must rescue you from the hoardof holies below, and I wanted to look at you in the daylight. Yes, youhave extraordinary hair, and real eyelashes and complexion, too. You are awitch thing, I can see, and we shall all have to beware of you. "

I smiled. She did not say it rudely, or I should have been uppish at once. She has a wonderful charm. 

"You don't speak much, either, " she continued. "I feel you are dangerous. That is why I am being so civil to you; I think it wisest. I can't standgirls as a rule. " And she went into one of her ripples of laughter. "Nowsay you will not hurt me. "

"I should not hurt any one, " I said. "Unless they hurt me first, and Ilike you, you are so pretty. "

"That is all right, " she said. "Then we are comrades. I was frightenedabout Robert last evening, because I am so attached to him; but you were adarling after dinner, and it will be all right now. I told him you wouldprobably marry Malcolm Montgomerie, and he was not to interfere. "

"I shall do nothing of the kind!" I exclaimed, moving off the bed. "Iwould as soon die as spend the rest of my life here at Tryland. "

"He will be fabulously rich one day, you know, and you could get roundpère Montgomerie in a trice, and revolutionize the whole place. You hadbetter think of it. "

"I won't, " I said, and I felt my eyes sparkle. She put up her hands as ifto ward off an evil spirit, and she laughed again. "Well, you sha'n'tthen. Only don't flash those emeralds at me; they give me quivers allover. "

"Would _you_ like to marry Malcolm?" I asked and I sat down again. "Fancybeing owned by that! Fancy seeing it every day! Fancy living with a personwho never sees a joke from week's end to week's end! Oh!"

"As for that--" and she puffed smoke. "Husbands are a race apart--thereare men, women, and husbands; and if they pay bills, and shoot big game inAfrica, it is all one ought to ask of them; to be able to see jokes issuperfluous. Mine is most inconvenient, because he generally adores me, and at best only leaves me for a three weeks' cure at Homburg, and now andthen a week at Paris; but Malcolm could be sent to the Rocky Mountains, and places like that, continuously; he is quite a sportsman. "

"That is not my idea of a husband, " I said. 

"Well, what is your idea, snake-girl?"

"Why do you call me 'snake-girl'?" I asked. "I hate snakes. "

She took her cigarette out of her mouth, and looked at me for someseconds. 

"Because you are so sinuous; there is not a stiff line about yourmovements, you are utterly wicked-looking and attractive, too, andun-English, and what in the world Aunt Katherine asked you here for withthose hideous girls I can't imagine. I would not have, if my three angelswere grown up, and like them--" Then she showed me the photographs of herthree angels--they are pets. 

But my looks seemed to bother her, for she went back to them. 

"Where do you get them from? Was your mother some other nation?"

I told her how poor mamma had been rather an accident, and was nobodymuch. "One could not tell, you see; she might have had any quaint creaturebeyond the grand-parents--perhaps I am mixed with Red Indian or nigger. "

She looked at me searchingly. 

"No, you are not; you are Venetian. That is it--some wicked, beautifulfriend of a Doge, come to life again. "

"I know I am wicked, " I said. "I am always told it; but I have not doneanything yet, or had any fun out of it, and I do want to. "

She laughed again. 

"Well, you must come to London with me when I leave here on Saturday, andwe will see what we can do. "

This sounded so nice, and yet I had a feeling that I wanted to refuse; ifthere had been a tone of patronage in her voice, I would have in a minute. We sat and talked a long time, and she did tell me some interestingthings. The world, she assured me, was a delightful place if one couldescape bores, and had a good cook and a few friends. After a while I lefther, as she suddenly thought she would come down to luncheon. 

"I don't think it would be safe, at the present stage, to leave you alonewith Robert, " she said. 

I was angry. 

"I have promised not to play with him; is that not enough?" I exclaimed. 

"Do you know, I believe it is, snake-girl, " she said, and there wassomething wistful in her eyes; "but you are twenty, and I am past thirty, and--he is a man. So one can't be too careful. " Then she laughed, and Ileft her putting a toe into a blue satin slipper and ringing for hermaid. 

I don't think age can matter much; she is far more attractive than anygirl, and she need not pretend she is afraid of me. But the thing thatstruck me then, and has always struck me since, is that to have to _hold_a man by one's own manoeuvres could not be agreeable to one'sself-respect. I would _never_ do that under any circumstances; if he wouldnot stay because it was the thing he wanted to do most in the world, hemight go. I should say, "Je m'en fiche!"

At luncheon, for which the guns came in--no nice picnic in a lodge as atBranches--I purposely sat between two old gentlemen, and did my best to berespectful and intelligent. One was quite a nice old thing, and at the endbegan paying me compliments. He laughed and laughed at everything I said. Opposite me were Malcolm and Lord Robert, with Lady Ver between them. Theyboth looked sulky. It was quite a while before she could get them gay andpleasant. I did not enjoy myself. 

After it was over, Lord Robert deliberately walked up to me. 

"Why are you so capricious?" he asked. "I won't be treated like this. Youknow very well I have only come here to see you. We are such friends--orwere. Why?"

Oh, I did want to say I was friends still, and would love to talk to him. He seemed so adorably good-looking, and such a shape! And his blue eyeshad the nicest flash of anger in them. 

I could have kept my promise to the letter, and yet broken it in thespirit, easily enough, by letting him understand by inference; but ofcourse one could not be so mean as that when one was going to eat hersalt, so I looked out of the window and answered coldly that I was quitefriendly and did not understand him, and I immediately turned to my oldgentleman and walked with him into the library. In fact, I was as cool asI could be without being actually rude, but all the time there was a flat, heavy feeling round my heart. He looked so cross and reproachful, and Idid not like him to think me capricious. 

We did not see them again until tea--the sportsmen, I mean. But tea atTryland is not a friendly time; it is just as stiff as other meals. LadyVer never let Lord Robert leave her side, and immediately after teaeverybody who stayed in the drawing-room played bridge, where they wereplanted until the dressing-bell rang. 

One would have thought Lady Katherine would have disapproved of cards, butI suppose every one must have one contradiction about them, for she lovesbridge, and played for the lowest stakes with the air of a "needyadventurer" as the books say. 

I can't write the whole details of the rest of the visit. I was miserable, and that is the truth. Fate seemed to be against Lord Robert speaking tome, even when he tried, and I felt I must be extra cool and nasty becauseI--oh, well, I may as well say it--he attracts me very much. I never oncelooked at him from under my eyelashes, and after the next day he did noteven try to have an explanation. 

He glanced with wrath sometimes, especially when Malcolm hung over me, andLady Ver said his temper was dreadful. 

She was so sweet to me, it almost seemed as if she wanted to make up to mefor not letting me play with Lord Robert. 

(Of course, I would not allow her to see I minded that. )

And finally Friday came, and the last night. 

I sat in my room from tea until dinner. I could not stand Malcolm anylonger. I had fenced with him rather well up to then, but that promise ofmine hung over me. I nipped him every time he attempted to explain what itwas, and to this moment I don't know, but it did not prevent him fromsaying tiresome, loving things, mixed with priggish advice. I don't knowwhat would have happened, only when he got really horribly affectionate, just after tea, I was so exasperated I launched this bomb. 

"I don't believe a word you are saying--your real interest is AngelaGrey. "

He nearly had a fit, and shut up at once. So, of course, it is not ahorse. I felt sure of it. Probably one of those people Mrs. Carrutherssaid all young men knew--their adolescent measles and chicken-pox, shecalled them. 

All the old men talked a great deal to me, and even the other two youngones; but these last days I did not seem to have any of my usual spirits. Just as we were going to bed on Friday night Lord Robert came up to LadyVer; she had her hand through my arm. 

"I can come to the play with you on Saturday night, after all, " he said. "I have wired to Campion to make a fourth, and you will get some otherwoman, won't you?"

"I will try, " said Lady Ver, and she looked right into his eyes; then sheturned to me. "I shall feel so cruel leaving you alone, Evangeline" (atonce, almost, she called me Evangeline; I should never do that withstrangers), "but I suppose you ought not to be seen at a play just yet. "

"I like being alone, " I said. "I shall go to sleep early. "

Then they settled to dine all together at her house, and go on; so, knowing I should see him again, I did not even say good-bye to LordRobert, and he left by the early train. 

A number of the guests came up to London with us. 

My leave-taking with Lady Katherine had been coldly cordial. I thanked herdeeply for her kindness in asking me there. She did not renew theinvitation; I expect she felt a person like me, who would have to lookafter themselves, was not a suitable companion to her altar-cloth andpoker workers. 

Up to now, she told Lady Ver, of course I had been most carefully broughtup and taken care of by Mrs. Carruthers, although she had not approved ofher views. And having done her best for me at this juncture, saving mefrom staying alone with Mr. Carruthers, she felt it was all she was calledupon to do. She thought my position would become too unconventional fortheir circle in future! Lady Ver told me all this with great glee. Shewas sure it would amuse me, it so amused her, but it made me a teeny bitremember the story of the boys and the frogs!

Lady Ver now and then puts out a claw which scratches, while she rippleswith laughter. Perhaps she does not mean it. 

This house is nice, and full of pretty things, as far as I have seen. Wearrived just in time to fly into our clothes for dinner. I am in a weeroom four stories up, by the three angels. I was down first, and LordRobert and Mr. Campion were in the drawing-room. Sir Charles Verningham isin Paris, by-the-way, so I have not seen him yet. 

Lord Robert was stroking the hair of the eldest angel, who had not gone tobed. The loveliest thing she is, and so polite, and different to MaryMackintosh's infants. 

He introduced Mr. Campion stiffly, and returned to Mildred--the angel. 

Suddenly mischief came into me, the reaction from the last dull days; so Ilooked straight at Mr. Campion from under my eyelashes, and it had theeffect it always has on people--he became interested at once. I don't knowwhy this does something funny to them. I remember I first noticed it inthe school-room at Branches. I was doing a horrible exercise upon the_participe passé_, and feeling very _égarée_, when one of the oldambassadors came in to see mademoiselle. I looked up quickly, with my heada little down, and he said to mademoiselle, in a low voice, in German, that I had the strangest eyes he had ever seen, and that uplook under theeyelashes was the affair of the devil!

Now I knew even then the affair of the devil is something attractive, so Ihave never forgotten it, although I was only about fifteen at the time. Ialways determined I would try it when I grew up and wanted to createemotions. Except Mr. Carruthers and Lord Robert, I have never had muchchance, though. 

Mr. Campion sat down beside me on a sofa, and began to say at once that Iought to be going to the play with them. I spoke in my velvet voice, andsaid I was in too deep mourning, and he apologized so nicely, ratherconfused. 

He is quite a decent-looking person, smart and well groomed, like LordRobert, but not that lovely shape. We talked on for about ten minutes. Isaid very little, but he never took his eyes off my face. All the time Iwas conscious that Lord Robert was fidgeting and playing with a china cowthat was on a table near, and just before the butler announced Mrs. Fairfax he dropped it on the floor and broke its tail off. 

Mrs. Fairfax is not pretty; she has reddish-gold hair, with brown roots, and a very dark skin, but it is nicely done--the hair, I mean, and perhapsthe skin too, as sideways you can see the pink sticking up on it. It mustbe rather a nuisance to have to do all that, but it is certainly betterthan looking like Mary Mackintosh. She doesn't balance nicely--bits of herare too long or too short. I do like to see everything in the rightplace--like Lord Robert's figure. Lady Ver came in just then, and we allwent down to dinner. Mrs. Fairfax gushed at her a good deal. Lady Ver doesnot like her much--she told me in the train--but she was obliged to wireto her to come, as she could not get any one else Mr. Campion liked on soshort a notice. 

"The kind of woman every one knows, and who has no sort of pride, " shesaid. 

Well, even when I am really an adventuress I sha'n't be like that. 

Dinner was very gay. 

Lady Ver, away from her decorous relations, is most amusing. She saysanything that comes into her head. Mrs. Fairfax got cross because Mr. Campion would speak to me; but as I did not particularly take to her, Idid not mind, and just amused myself. As the party was so small, LordRobert and I were obliged to talk a little, and once or twice I forgotand let myself be natural and smile at him. His eyebrows went up in thatquestioning, pathetic way he has, and he looked so attractive--that mademe remember again, and instantly turn away. When we were coming into thehall, while Lady Ver and Mrs. Fairfax were up putting on their cloaks, Lord Robert came up close to me and whispered:

"I _can't_ understand you. There is some reason for your treating me likethis, and I will find it out. Why are you so cruel, little, wicked tigercat?" and he pinched one of my fingers until I could have cried out. 

That made me so angry. 

"How dare you touch me!" I said. "It is because you know I have no one totake care of me that you presume like this. "

I felt my eyes blaze at him, but there was a lump in my throat. I wouldnot have been hurt if it had been any one else, only angry; but he hadbeen so respectful and gentle with me at Branches, and I had liked him somuch. It seemed more cruel for him to be impertinent now. 

His face fell; indeed, all the fierceness went out of it, and he lookedintensely miserable. 

"Oh, don't say that!" he said, in a choked voice. "I--oh, that is the onething you know is not true. "

Mr. Campion, with his fur coat fastened, came up at that moment, sayinggallant things, and insinuating that we must meet again, but I saidgood-night quietly, and came up the stairs without a word more to LordRobert. 

"Good-night, Evangeline, pet, " Lady Ver said, when I met her on thedrawing-room landing, coming down. "I do feel a wretch, leaving you, butto-morrow I will really try and amuse you. You look very pale, child; thejourney has tried you, probably. "

"Yes, I am tired, " I tried to say in a natural voice, but the end wordshook a little, and Lord Robert was just behind, having run up the stairsafter me, so I fear he must have heard. 

"Miss Travers--please--" he implored, but I walked on up the next flight, and Lady Ver put her hand on his arm and drew him down with her, and as Igot up to the fourth floor I heard the front door shut. 

And now they are gone and I am alone. My tiny room is comfortable, and thefire is burning brightly. I have a big arm-chair and books, and this, myjournal, and all is cosey--only I feel so miserable. 

I won't cry and be a silly coward. 

Why, of course it is amusing to be free. And I am _not_ grieving over Mrs. Carruthers's death--only perhaps I am lonely, and I wish I were at thetheatre. No, I don't--I--Oh, the thing I do wish is that--that--_no_, Iwon't write it even. 

Good-night, journal!

 300 PARK STREET, Wednesday, _November 23d. _

Oh, how silly to want the moon! But that is evidently what is the matterwith me. Here I am in a comfortable house with a kind hostess, and noimmediate want of money, and yet I am restless, and sometimes unhappy. 

For the four days since I arrived Lady Ver has been so kind to me, takenthe greatest pains to try and amuse me and cheer me up. We have drivenabout in her electric brougham and shopped, and agreeable people have beento lunch each day, and I have had what I suppose is a _succès_. At leastshe says so. 

I am beginning to understand things better, and it seems one must have noreal feelings, just as Mrs. Carruthers always told me, if one wants toenjoy life. 

On two evenings Lady Ver has been out, with numbers of regrets at leavingme behind, and I have gathered that she has seen Lord Robert, but he hasnot been here, I am glad to say. 

I am real friends with the angels, who are delightful people, and verywell brought up. Lady Ver evidently knows much better about it than MaryMackintosh, although she does not talk in that way. 

I can't think what I am going to do next. I suppose soon this kind ofdrifting will seem quite natural, but at present the position galls me forsome reason. I _hate_ to think people are being kind out of charity. Howvery foolish of me, though!

Lady Merrenden is coming to lunch to-morrow. I am interested to see her, because Lord Robert said she was such a dear. I wonder what has become ofhim. He has not been here--I wonder--No, I am _too_ silly. 

Lady Ver does not get up to breakfast, and I go into her room and havemine on another little tray, and we talk, and she reads me bits out of herletters. 

She seems to have a number of people in love with her--that must be nice. 

"It keeps Charlie always devoted, " she said, "because he realizes he ownswhat the other men want. "

She says, too, that all male creatures are fighters by nature; they don'tvalue things they obtain easily, and which are no trouble to keep. Youmust always make them realize you will be off like a snipe if they relaxtheir efforts to please you for one moment. 

Of course there are heaps of humdrum ways of living, where the husband isquite fond, but it does not make his heart beat, and Lady Ver says shecouldn't stay on with a man whose heart she couldn't make beat when shewanted to. 

I am curious to see Sir Charles. 

They play bridge a good deal in the afternoon, and it amuses me a littleto talk nicely to the man who is out for the moment, and make him not wantto go back to the game. 

I am learning a number of things. 

 _Night. _

Mr. Carruthers came to call this afternoon. He was the last person Iexpected to see when I went into the drawing-room after luncheon, to waitfor Lady Ver. I had my out-door things on, and a big black hat, which israther becoming, I am glad to say. 

"You here!" he exclaimed, as we shook hands. 

"Yes, why not me?" I said. 

He looked very self-contained and reserved, I thought, as if he had notthe least intention of letting himself go to display any interest. Itinstantly aroused in me an intention to change all that. 

"Lady Verningham kindly asked me to spend a few days with her when we leftTryland, " I said, demurely. 

"Oh, you are staying here! Well, I was over at Tryland the day beforeyesterday--an elaborate invitation from Lady Katherine to 'dine and sleepquietly, ' which I only accepted as I thought I should see you. "

"How good of you, " I said, sweetly. "And did they not tell you I had gonewith Lady Verningham?"

"Nothing of the kind. They merely announced that you had departed forLondon, so I supposed it was your original design of Claridge's, and Iintended going round there some time to find you. "

Again I said it was so good of him, and I looked down. 

He did not speak for a second or two, and I remained perfectly still. 

"What are your plans?" he asked, abruptly. 

"I have no plans. "

"But you must have--that is ridiculous--you must have made some decisionas to where you are going to live!"

"No, I assure you, " I said, calmly, "when I leave here on Saturday I shalljust get into a cab and think of some place for it to take me to, Isuppose, as we turn down Park Lane. "

He moved uneasily, and I glanced at him up from under my hat. I don't knowwhy he does not attract me now as much as he did at first. There issomething so cold and cynical about his face. 

"Listen, Evangeline, " he said, at last. "Something must be settled foryou. I cannot allow you to drift about like this. I am more or less yourguardian, you know--you must feel that. "

"I don't a bit, " I said. 

"You impossible little--witch. " He came closer. 

"Yes, Lady Verningham says I am a witch, and a snake, and all sorts ofbad, attractive things, and I want to go somewhere where I shall be ableto show these qualities. England is dull. What do you think of Paris?"

Oh, it did amuse me launching forth these remarks; they would never comeinto my head for any one else!

He walked across the room and back. His face was disturbed. 

"You shall not go to Paris--alone. How can you even suggest such a thing?"he said. 

I did not speak. He grew exasperated. 

"Your father's people are all dead, you tell me, and you know nothing ofyour mother's relations. But who was she? What was her name? Perhaps wecould discover some kith and kin for you. "

"My mother was called Miss Tonkins, " I said. 

"_Called_ Miss Tonkins?"

"Yes. "

"Then it was not her name. What do you mean?"

I hated these questions. 

"I suppose it was her name. I never heard she had another. "

"Tonkins, " he said--"Tonkins, " and he looked searchingly at me with hismonk-of-the-Inquisition air. 

I can be so irritating, not telling people things, when I like, and it wasquite a while before he elicited the facts from me, which Mrs. Carruthershad often hurled at my head in moments of anger, that poor mamma's fatherhad been Lord de Brandreth and her mother, Heaven knows who!

"So you see, " I ended with, "I haven't any relations, after all, have I?"

He sat down upon the sofa. 

"Evangeline, there is nothing for it; you must marry me, " he said. 

I sat down opposite him. 

"Oh, you are funny!" I said. "You, a clever diplomat, to know so little ofwomen! Who in the world would accept such an offer?" and I laughed andlaughed. 

"What am I to do with you?" he exclaimed, angrily. 

"Nothing. " I laughed still, and I looked at him with my"affair-of-the-devil" look. He came over and forcibly took my hand. 

"Yes, you are a witch, " he said--"a witch who casts spells and destroysresolutions and judgments. I determined to forget you, and put you out ofmy life--you are most unsuitable to me, you know--but as soon as I see youI am filled with only one desire. I _must_ have you for myself. I want tokiss you--to touch you. I want to prevent any other man from looking atyou--do you hear me, Evangeline?"

"Yes, I hear, " I said; "but it does not have any effect on me. You wouldbe awful as a husband. Oh, I know all about them!" and I looked up. "I sawseveral sorts at Tryland, and Lady Verningham has told me of the rest, andI know you would be no earthly good in that rôle!"

He laughed, in spite of himself, but he still held my hand. 

"Describe their types to me, that I may see which I should be, " he said, with great seriousness. 

"There is the Mackintosh kind--humble and 'titsy pootsy, ' and a sort ofunder-nurse, " I said. 

"That is not my size, I fear. "

"Then there is the Montgomerie--selfish and bullying, and near aboutmoney. "

"But I am not Scotch. "

"No--well, Lord Kestervin was English, and he fussed and worried, andlooked out trains all the time. "

"I will have a groom of the chambers. "

"And they were all casual and indifferent to their poor wives--andboresome--and bored! And one told long stories, and one was stodgy, andone opened his wife's letters before she was down!"

"Tell me the attributes of a perfect husband, then, that I may learnthem, " he said. 

"They have to pay all the bills----"

"Well, I could do that. "

"And they have not to interfere with one's movements. And one must be ableto make their hearts beat. "

"Well, you could do _that_!" and he bent nearer to me. I drew back. 

"And they have to take long journeys to the Rocky Mountains for monthstogether, with men friends. "

"Certainly not!" he exclaimed. 

"There, you see!" I said; "the most important part you don't agree to. There is no use talking further. "

"Yes, there is! You have not said half enough. Have they to make yourheart beat, too?"

"You are hurting my hand. "

He dropped it. 

"Have they?"

"Lady Ver said no husband could do that. The fact of their being one keptyour heart quite quiet, and often made you yawn; but she said it was notnecessary, as long as you could make theirs so that they would do all youasked. "

"Then do women's hearts never beat--did she tell you?"

"Of course they beat. How simple you are for thirty years old! They beatconstantly for--oh--for people who are not husbands. "

"That is the result of your observations, is it? You are probably rightand I am a fool. "

"Some one said at lunch yesterday that a beautiful lady in Paris had herheart beating for you, " I said, looking at him again. 

He changed--so very little. It was not a start, or a wince even--justenough for me to know he felt what I said. 

"People are too kind, " he said. "But we have got no nearer the point. Whenwill you marry me?"

"I shall marry you--never! Mr. Carruthers, " I said, "unless I get into anold maid soon and no one else asks me! Then if you go on your knees I mayput out the tip of my fingers, perhaps!" and I moved towards the door, making him a sweeping and polite courtesy. 

He rushed after me. 

"Evangeline!" he exclaimed. "I am not a violent man as a rule; indeed, Iam rather cool, but you would drive any one perfectly mad. Some day someone will strangle you--witch!"

"Then I had better run away to save my neck, " I said, laughing over myshoulder as I opened the door and ran up the stairs, and I peeped at himfrom the landing above. He had come out into the hall. "Good-bye, " Icalled, and, without waiting to see Lady Ver, he tramped down the stairsand away. 

"Evangeline, what _have_ you been doing?" she asked, when I got into herroom, where her maid was settling her veil before the glass, and tremblingover it. Lady Ver is sometimes fractious with her--worse than I am withVéronique, far. 

"Evangeline, you look naughtier than ever--confess at once. "

"I have been as good as gold, " I said. 

"Then why are those two emeralds sparkling so, may one ask?"

"They are sparkling with conscious virtue, " I said, demurely. 

"You have quarrelled with Mr. Carruthers--go away, Welby! Stupid woman, can't you see it catches my nose!"

Welby retired meekly. (After she is cross, Lady Ver sends Welby to thetheatre. Welby adores her. )

"Evangeline, how dare you! I see it all. I gathered bits from Robert. Youhave quarrelled with the very man you must marry!"

"What does Lord Robert know about me?" I said. That made me angry. 

"Nothing; he only said Mr. Carruthers admired you at Branches. "

"Oh!"

"He is too attractive--Christopher! He is one of the 'married women'spets, ' as Ada Fairfax says, and has never spoken to a girl before. Youought to be grateful we have let him look at you--minx!--instead ofquarrelling, as I can see you have. " She rippled with laughter, while shepretended to scold me. 

"Surely I may be allowed that chastened diversion!" I said. "I can't go totheatres!"

"Tell me about it, " she commanded, tapping her foot. 

But early in Mrs. Carruthers's days I learned that one is wiser when onekeeps one's own affairs to one's self, so I fenced a little, and laughed, and we went out to drive finally, without her being any the wiser. Goinginto the park, we came upon a troop of the 3d Life Guards, who had beenescorting the king to open something, and there rode Lord Robert in hisbeautiful clothes and a floating plume. He did look so lovely, and _my_heart suddenly began to beat--I could feel it, and was ashamed, and it didnot console me greatly to reflect that the emotion caused by a uniform isnot confined to nursemaids. 

Of course it must have been the uniform and the black horse--Lord Robertis nothing to me. But I hate to think that, mamma's mother having beennobody, I should have inherited these common instincts!

 300 PARK STREET, Thursday evening, _November 24th. _

Lady Merrenden is so nice--one of those kind faces that even a tightfringe in a net does not spoil. She is tall and graceful, past fiftyperhaps, and has an expression of Lord Robert about the eyes. At luncheonshe was sweet to me at once, and did not look as if she thought I must bebad just because I have red hair, like elderly ladies do generally. 

I felt I wanted to be good and nice directly. She did not allude to mydesolate position or say anything without tact, but she asked me to lunchas if I had been a queen and would honor her by accepting. For some reasonI could see Lady Ver did not wish me to go--she made all sorts of excusesabout wanting me herself--but also, for some reason, Lady Merrenden wasdetermined I should, and finally settled it should be on Saturday, whenLady Ver is going down to Northumberland to her father's, and I amgoing--where? Alas! as yet I know not. 

When she had gone Lady Ver said old people without dyed hair or bridgeproclivities were tiresome, and she smoked three cigarettes, one afterthe other as fast as she could. (Welby is going to the theatre againto-night!)

I said I thought Lady Merrenden was charming. She snapped my head off forthe first time, and then there was silence, but presently she began totalk, and fix herself in a most becoming way on the sofa--we were in herown sitting-room, a lovely place, all blue silk and French furniture andattractive things. She said she had a cold and must stay in-doors. She hadchanged immediately into a tea-gown, but I could not hear any cough. 

"Charlie has just wired he comes back to-night, " she announced, at length. 

"How nice for you!" I sympathized; "you will be able to make his heartbeat!"

"As a matter of fact, it is extremely inconvenient, and I want you to benice to him, and amuse him, and take his attention off me, like a pet, Evangeline, " she cooed; and then: "What a lovely afternoon for November! Iwish I could go for a walk in the park, " she said. 

I felt it would be cruel to tease her further, and so announced myintention of taking exercise in that way with the angels. 

"Yes, it will do you good, dear child, " she said, brightly, "and I willrest here and take care of my cold. "

"They have asked me to tea in the nursery, " I said, "and I have accepted. "

"Jewel of a snake-girl!" she laughed--she is not thick. 

"Do you know the Torquilstone history?" she said, just as I was going outof the door. 

I came back--why, I can't imagine, but it interested me. 

"Robert's brother--half-brother, I mean--the duke, is a cripple, you know, and he is _toqué_ on one point too--their blue blood. He will never marry, but he can cut Robert off with almost the bare title if he displeaseshim. "

"Yes, " I said. 

"Torquilstone's mother was one of the housemaids. The old duke married herbefore he was twenty-one, and she, fortunately, joined her beery ancestorsa year or so afterwards; and then much later he married Robert's mother, Lady Etheldrida Fitz Walter. There is sixteen years between them--Robertand Torquilstone, I mean. "

"Then what is he _toqué_ about blue blood for, with a _tache_ like that?"I asked. 

"That is just it. He thinks it is such a disgrace that even if he werenot a humpback he says he would never marry to transmit this stain to thefuture Torquilstones--and if Robert ever marries any one without apedigree enough to satisfy an Austrian prince, he will disown him andleave every sou to charity. "

"Poor Lord Robert!" I said, but I felt my cheeks burn. 

"Yes, is it not tiresome for him? So, of course, he cannot marry until hisbrother's death, there is almost no one in England suitable. "

"It is not so bad, after all, " I said; "there is always the delicious rôleof the 'married woman's pet, ' open to him, isn't there?" and I laughed. 

"Little cat!" but she wasn't angry. 

"I told you I only scratched when I was scratched first, " I said, as Iwent out of the room. 

The angels had started for their walk, and Véronique had to come with meat first to find them. We were walking fast down the path beyond StanhopeGate, seeing their blue velvet pelisses in the distance, when we met Mr. Carruthers. 

He stopped and turned with me. 

"Evangeline, I was so angry with you yesterday, " he said. "I very nearlyleft London and abandoned you to your fate, but now that I have seen youagain--" He paused. 

"You think Paris is a long way off!" I said, innocently. 

"What have they been telling you?" he said, sternly, but he was not quitecomfortable. 

"They have been saying it is a fine November, and the Stock Exchange is noplace to play in, and if it weren't for bridge they would all commitsuicide. That is what we talk of at Park Street. "

"You know very well what I mean. What have they been telling you aboutme?"

"Nothing, except that there is a charming French lady who adores you, andwhom you are devoted to--and I am so sympathetic. I like Frenchwomen, theyput on their hats so nicely. "

"What ridiculous gossip! I don't think Park Street is the place for you tostay. I thought you had more mind than to chatter like this. "

"I suit myself to my company. " I laughed, and waited for Véronique, whohad stopped respectfully behind. She came up reluctantly. She disapprovesof all English unconventionality, but she feels it her duty to encourageMr. Carruthers. 

"Should she run on and stop the young ladies, " she suggested, pointing tothe angels in front. 

"Yes, do, " said Mr. Carruthers, and before I could prevent her she wasoff. 

Traitress! She was thinking of her own comfortable quarters at Branches, Iknow. 

The sharp, fresh air got into my head. I felt gay, and without care. Isaid heaps of things to Mr. Carruthers, just as I had once before toMalcolm, only this was much more fun, because Mr. Carruthers isn't ared-haired Scotchman and can see things. 

It seemed a day of meetings, for when we got down to the end weencountered Lord Robert walking leisurely in our direction. He looked asblack as night when he caught sight of us. 

"Hello, Bob!" said Mr. Carruthers, cheerfully. "Ages since I saw you. Willyou come and dine to-night? I have a box for this winter opera that is on, and I am trying to persuade Miss Travers to come. She says Lady Verninghamis not engaged to-night, she knows, and we might dine quietly and all go;don't you think so?"

Lord Robert said he would, but he added, "Miss Travers would never comeout before--she said she was in too deep mourning. " He seemed aggrieved. 

"I am going to sit in the back of the box and no one will see me, " I said. "And I do love music so. "

"We had better let Lady Verningham know at once then, " said Mr. Carruthers. 

Lord Robert announced he was going there now, and would tell her. 

I knew that. The blue tea-gown with the pink roses, and the lace cap, andthe bad cold were not for nothing. (I wish I had not written this; it isspiteful of me, and I am not spiteful, as a rule. It must be the eastwind. )

 Thursday night, _November 24th. _

"Now that you have embarked upon this--" Lady Ver said, when I venturedinto her sitting-room, hearing no voices, about six o'clock. (Mr. Carruthers had left me at the door at the end of our walk, and I had beenwith the angels at tea ever since. ) "Now that you have embarked upon thisopera, I say, you will have to dine at Willis's with us. I won't be inwhen Charlie arrives from Paris. A blowy day like to-day his temper issure to be impossible. "

"Very well, " I said. 

Of what use, after all, for an adventuress like me to have sensitivefeelings. 

"And I am leaving this house at a quarter to seven, I wish you to know, Evangeline, pet, " she called after me, as I flew off to dress. As a ruleLady Ver takes a good hour to make herself into the attractive darling sheis in the evening. She has not to do much, because she is lovely bynature, but she potters and squabbles with Welby, to divert herself, Isuppose. 

However, to-night, with the terror upon her of a husband fresh from arough Channel passage going to arrive at seven o'clock, she was actuallydressed and down in the hall when I got there punctually at 6. 45, and inthe twinkle of an eye we were rolling in the electric to Willis's. I haveonly been there once before, and that to lunch in Mrs. Carruthers's dayswith some of the ambassadors; and it does feel gay going to a restaurantat night. I felt more excited than ever in my life, and such a situation, too!

Lord Robert--_fruit défendu!_--and Mr. Carruthers--_empressé_--and to bekept in bounds!

More than enough to fill the hands of a maiden of sixteen fresh from aconvent, as old Count Someroff used to say when he wanted to express areally difficult piece of work. 

They were waiting for us just inside the door, and again I noticed thatthey were both lovely creatures, and both exceptionally distinguishedlooking. 

Lady Ver nodded to a lot of people before we took our seats in a nicelittle corner. She must have an agreeable time with so many friends. Shesaid something which sounds so true in one of our talks, and I thought ofit then. 

"It is wiser to marry the life you like, because after a little the mandoesn't matter. " She has evidently done that, but I wish it could bepossible to have both--the man and the life. Well! Well!

One has to sit rather close on those sofas, and as Lord Robert was not thehost, he was put by me. The other two at a right-angle to us. 

I felt exquisitely gay--in spite of having an almost high black dress onand not even any violets. 

It was dreadfully difficult not to speak nicely to my neighbor, hisdirectness and simplicity are so engaging, but I did try hard toconcentrate myself on Christopher and leave him alone, only--I don't knowwhy--the sense of his being so near me made me feel, I don't quite knowwhat. However, I hardly spoke to him--Lady Ver shall never say I did notplay fair--though, insensibly, even she herself drew me into a friendlyconversation, and then Lord Robert looked like a happy school-boy. 

We had a delightful time. 

Mr. Carruthers is a perfect host. He has all the smooth and exquisitemanners of the old diplomats, without their false teeth and things. I wishI were in love with him, or even I wish something inside me would only letme feel it was my duty to marry him; but it jumps up at me every time Iwant to talk to myself about it, and says, "Absolutely impossible. "

When it came to starting for the opera, "Mr. Carruthers will take you inhis brougham, Evangeline, " Lady Ver said, "and I will be protected byRobert. Come along, Robert, " as he hesitated. 

"Oh, I say, Lady Ver!" he said, "I would love to come with you, but won'tit look rather odd for Miss Evangeline to arrive alone with Christopher?Consider his character!"

Lady Ver darted a glance of flame at him and got into the electric, whileChristopher, without hesitation, handed me into his brougham. Lord Robertand I were two puppets, a part I do not like playing. 

I was angry altogether. She would not have dared to have left me go likethis if I had been any one who mattered. Mr. Carruthers got in, and tuckedhis sable rug round me. I never spoke a word for a long time, and CoventGarden is not far off, I told myself. I can't say why I had a sense of_malaise_. 

There was a strange look in his face as a great lamp threw a light on it. "Evangeline, " he said, in a voice I have not yet heard, "when are yougoing to finish playing with me? I am growing to love you, you know. "

"I am very sorry to hear it, " I said, gently. "I don't want you to. Oh, please _don't_!" as he took my hand. "I--I--if you only knew how I _hate_being touched!"

He leaned back and looked at me. There is something which goes to the heada little about being in a brougham with nice fur rugs alone with some oneat night. The lights flashing in at the windows, and that faint scent of avery good cigar. I felt fearfully excited. If it had been Lord Robert, Ibelieve--well----

He leaned over very close to me. It seemed in another moment he would kissme, and what could I do then? I couldn't scream, or jump out in LeicesterSquare, could I?

"Why do you call me Evangeline?" I said, by way of putting him off. "Inever said you might. "

"Foolish child!--I shall call you what I please. You drive me mad. I don'tknow what you were born for. Do you always have this effect on people?"

"What effect?" I said, to gain time; we had got nearly into Long Acre. 

"An effect that causes one to lose all discretion. I feel I would give mysoul to hold you in my arms. "

I told him I did not think it was at all nice or respectful of him to talkso--that I found such love revolting. 

"You tell me in your sane moments I am most unsuitable to you--you try tokeep away from me--and then when you get close you begin to talk thisstuff! I think it is an insult!" I said, angry and disdainful. "When Iarouse devotion and tenderness in some one, then I shall listen, but toyou and to this--never!"

"Go on, " he said. "Even in the dim light you look beautiful when cross. "

"I am not cross, " I answered. "Only absolutely disgusted. "

By that time, thank goodness, we had got into the stream of carriagesclose to the opera-house. Mr. Carruthers, however, seemed hardly to noticethis. 

"Darling, " he said, "I will try not to annoy you; but you are so fearfullyprovoking. I--tell you truly, no man would find it easy to keep cool withyou. "

"Oh, I don't know what it is, being cool, or not cool, " I said, wearily. "I am tired of every one. Even as tiny a thing as Malcolm Montgomerie getsodd like this!"

He leaned back and laughed, and then said, angrily: "Impertinence! I willwring his neck!"

"Thank Heaven we have arrived!" I exclaimed, as we drove under theportico. I gave a great sigh of relief. 

Really, men are very trying and tiresome, and if I shall always have toput up with these scenes through having red hair, I almost wish it weremouse-colored, like Cicely Parker's. Mrs. Carruthers often said, "Youneed not suppose, Evangeline, that you are going to have a quiet life withyour coloring; the only thing one can hope for is that you will screw onyour head. "

Lady Ver and Lord Robert were already in the hall waiting for us, but thesecond I saw them I knew she had been saying something to Lord Robert. Hisface, so gay and _debonnaire_ all through dinner, now looked set andstern, and he took not the slightest notice of me as we walked to thebox--the big one next the stage on the pit tier. 

Lady Ver appeared triumphant--her eyes were shining with big blacks in themiddle, and such bright spots of pink in her cheeks--she looked lovely;and I can't think why, but I suddenly felt I hated her. It was horrid ofme, for she was so kind, and settled me in the corner behind the curtainwhere I could see and not be seen, rather far back, while she and LordRobert were quite in the front. It was "Carmen"--the opera. I had neverseen it before. 

Music has such an effect--every note seems to touch some emotion in me. Ifeel wicked, or good, or exalted, or--or--oh, some queer feeling that Idon't know what it is--a kind of electric current down my back, and asif--as if I would like to love some one and have them to kiss me. Oh, itsounds perfectly dreadful what I have written, but I can't help it--thatis what some music does to me, and I said always I should tell the truthhere. 

From the very beginning note to the end I was feeling--feeling--Oh, how Iunderstand her--Carmen!--_fruit défendu_ attracted her so--the beautiful, wicked, fascinating snake. I also wanted to dance, and to move like that, and I unconsciously quivered perhaps. I was cold as ice, and fearfullyexcited. The back of Lord Robert's beautifully set head impeded my view attimes. How exquisitely groomed he is! And one could see at a glance _his_mother had not been a housemaid! I never have seen anything look so wellbred as he does. 

Lady Ver was talking to him in a cooing, low voice after the first act, and the second act, and indeed even when the third act had begun. Heseemed much more _empressé_ with her than he generally does. It--it hurtme, that and the music and the dancing, and Mr. Carruthers whisperingpassionate little words at intervals, even though I paid no attention tothem; but altogether I, too, felt a kind of madness. 

Suddenly Lord Robert turned round, and for five seconds looked at me, hislovely, expressive blue eyes swimming with wrath and reproach and--oh, howit hurt me!--contempt. Christopher was leaning over the back of my chair, quite close, in a devoted attitude. 

Lord Robert did not speak, but if a look could wither I must have turnedinto a dead oak-leaf. It awoke some devil in me. What had _I_ done to beannihilated so! _I_ was playing perfectly fair--keeping my word to LadyVer, and--oh, I felt as if it were breaking my heart. 

But that look of Lord Robert's! It drove me to distraction, and everyinstinct to be wicked and attractive that I possess came up in me. Ileaned over to Lady Ver, so that I must be close to him, and I said littlethings to her, never one word to him; but I moved my seat, making itcertain the corner of his eye must catch sight of me, and I allowed myshoulders to undulate the faintest bit to that Spanish music. Oh, I candance as Carmen, too! Mrs. Carruthers had me taught every time we went toParis. She loved to see it herself. 

I could hear Christopher breathing very quickly. "My God!" he whispered, "a man would go to hell for you. "

Lord Robert got up abruptly and went out of the box. 

Then it was as if Don José's dagger plunged into my heart, not Carmen's. That sounds high-flown, but I mean it--a sudden, sick, cold sensation, asif everything was numb. Lady Ver turned round pettishly to Christopher. "What on earth is the matter with Robert?" she said. 

"There is a Persian proverb which asserts a devil slips in between twowinds, " said Christopher. "Perhaps that is what has happened in this boxto-night. "

Lady Ver laughed harshly, and I sat there still as death. And all the timethe music and the movement on the stage went on. I am glad she is murderedin the end--glad! Only I would like to have seen the blood gush out. I amfierce--fierce--sometimes. 

 300 PARK STREET, Friday morning, _November 25th. _

I know just the meaning of dust and ashes, for that is what I felt I hadhad for breakfast this morning, the day after "Carmen. "

Lady Ver had given orders she was not to be disturbed, so I did not gonear her, and crept down to the dining-room, quite forgetting the masterof the house had arrived. There he was, a strange, tall, lean man withfair hair, and sad, cross, brown eyes, and a nose inclined to pink at thetip--a look of indigestion about him, I feel sure. He was sitting in frontof a _Daily Telegraph_ propped up on the teapot, and some cold, untastedsole on his plate. 

I came forward. He looked very surprised. 

"I--I'm Evangeline Travers, " I announced. 

He said "How d'you do?" awkwardly. One could see without a notion whatthat meant. 

"I'm staying here, " I continued. "Did you not know?"

"Then won't you have some breakfast? Beastly cold, I fear, " politenessforced him to utter. "No, Ianthe never writes to me. I had not heard anynews for a fortnight, and I have not seen her yet. "

Manners have been drummed into me from early youth, so I said, politely, "You only arrived from Paris late last night, did you not?"

"I got in about seven o'clock, I think, " he replied. 

"We had to leave so early--we were going to the opera, " I said. 

"A Wagner that begins at unearthly hours, I suppose?" he murmured, absently. 

"No, it was 'Carmen, ' but we dined first with my--my--guardian, Mr. Carruthers. "

"Oh!"

We both ate for a little. The tea was greenish black--and lukewarm. Nowonder he has dyspepsia. 

"Are the children in, I wonder?" he hazarded, presently. 

"Yes, " I said. "I went to the nursery and saw them as I came down. "

At that moment the three angels burst into the room, but came forwarddecorously and embraced their parent. They do not seem to adore him asthey do Lady Ver. 

"Good-morning, papa, " said the eldest, and the other two repeated it inchorus. "We hope you have slept well and had a nice passage across thesea. "

They evidently had been drilled outside. 

Then, nature getting uppermost, they patted him patronizingly. 

"Daddie, darling, have you brought us any new dolls from Paris?"

"And I want one with red hair, like Evangeline, " said Yseult, theyoungest. 

Sir Charles seemed bored and uncomfortable; he kissed his three exquisitebits of Dresden china, so like and yet unlike himself--they have LadyVer's complexion, but brown eyes and golden hair like his. 

"Yes; ask Harbottle for the packages, " he said. "I have no time to talk toyou. Tell your mother I will be in for lunch, " and making excuses to mefor leaving so abruptly--an appointment in the City--he shuffled out ofthe room. 

I wonder how Lady Ver makes his heart beat! I _don't_ wonder sheprefers--Lord Robert. 

"Why is papa's nose so red?" said Yseult. 

"Hush!" implored Mildred. "Poor papa has come off the sea. "

"I don't love papa, " said Corisande, the middle one. "He's cross, andsometimes he makes darling mummie cry. "

"We must always love papa, " chanted Mildred, in a lesson voice. "We mustalways love our parents, and grandmamma, and grandpapa, and aunts andcousins--amen. " The "amen" slipped out unawares, and she looked confused, and corrected herself when she had said it. 

"Let's find Harbottle. Harbottle is papa's valet, " Corisande said, "and heis much thoughtfuller than papa. Last time he brought me a Highland boydoll, though papa had forgotten I asked for it. "

They all three went out of the room, first kissing me, and courtesyingsweetly when they got to the door. They are never rude or boisterous, thethree angels--I love them. 

Left alone, I did feel like a dead fish. The column "London Day by Day"caught my eye in the _Daily Telegraph_, and I idly glanced down it, nottaking in the sense of the words, until "The Duke of Torquilstone hasarrived at Vavasour House, St. James's, from abroad, " I read. 

Well, what did it matter to me--what did anything matter to me?--LordRobert had met us in the hall again, as we were coming out of the opera;he looked very pale, and he apologized to Lady Ver for his abruptdeparture. He had got a chill, he said, and had gone to have a glass ofbrandy, and was all right now, and would we not come to supper, andvarious other _empressé_ things, looking at her with the greatestdevotion. I might not have existed. 

She was capricious, as she sometimes is. "No, Robert, I am going home tobed. I have got a chill, too, " she said. 

And the footman announcing the electric at that moment, we flew off andleft them, Christopher having fastened my sable collar with an air ofpossession which would have irritated me beyond words at another time, butI felt cold and dead, and utterly numb. 

Lady Ver did not speak a word on the way back, and kissed me frigidly asshe went into her room; then she called out:

"I am tired, snake-girl; don't think I am cross. Good-night. " And so Icrept up to bed. 

To-morrow is Saturday and my visit ends. After my lunch with LadyMerrenden, I am a wanderer on the face of the earth. 

Where shall I wander to? I feel I want to go away by myself, away where Ishall not see a human being who is English. I want to forget what theylook like; I want to shut out of my sight their well-groomed heads; Iwant--oh, I do not know what I do want. 

Shall I marry Mr. Carruthers? He would eat me up, and then go back toParis to the lady he loves. But I should have the life I like--and theCarruthers's emeralds are beautiful--and I love Branches--and--and----

"Her ladyship would like to see you, miss, " said a footman. 

So I went up the stairs. 

Lady Ver was in a darkened room, soft pink blinds right down beyond thehalf-drawn blue silk curtains. 

"I have a fearful head, Evangeline, " she said. 

"Then I will smooth your hair, " and I climbed up behind her and began torun over her forehead with the tips of my fingers. 

"You are really a pet, snake-girl, " she said, "and you can't help it. "

"I can't help what?"

"Being a witch. I knew you would hurt me when I first saw you, and I triedto protect myself by being kind to you. "

"Oh, dear Lady Ver!" I said, deeply moved. "I would not hurt you for theworld, and indeed you misjudge me. I have kept the bargain to the veryletter--and spirit. "

"Yes, I know you have to the letter, at least, but why did Robert go outof the box last night?" she demanded, wearily. 

"He said he had got a chill, did not he?" I replied, lamely. She claspedher hands passionately. 

"A chill! You don't know Robert. He never had a chill in his life, " shesaid. "Oh, he is the dearest, dearest being in the world. He makes mebelieve in good and all things honest. He isn't vicious, and isn't a prig, and he knows the world, and he lives in its ways like the rest of us, andyet he doesn't begin by thinking every woman is fair game and underminingwhat little self-respect she may have left to her. "

"Yes, " I said. I found nothing else to say. 

"If I had had a husband like that I would never have yawned, " she went on;"and besides, Robert is too masterful and would be too jealous to let onedivert one's self with another. "

"Yes, " I said again, and continued to smooth her forehead. 

"He has sentiment, too--he is not matter-of-fact and brutal--and oh, youshould see him on a horse!--he is too, too beautiful. " She stretched outher arms in a movement of weariness that was pathetic and touched me. 

"You have known him a long, long time?" I said, gently. 

"Perhaps five years, but only casually until this season. I was busy withsome one else before. I have played with so many. " Then she rousedherself up. "But Robert is the only one who has never made love to me. Always dear and sweet, and treating me like a queen, as if I were too highfor that, and having his own way, and not caring a pin for any one'sopinion. And I have wanted him to make love to me often. But now I realizeit is no use. Only, you sha'n't have him, snake-girl! I told him as wewere going to the opera you were as cold as ice, and were playing withChristopher, and I am going to take him down to Northumberland with meto-morrow out of your way. He shall be my devoted friend, at any rate. Youwould break his heart, and I shall still hold you to your promise. "

I said nothing. 

"Do you hear? I say: _You_ would break his heart. He would be only capableof loving straight to the end. The kind of love any other woman would diefor--but--you--You are Carmen. "

At all events, not _she_, nor any other woman, shall ever see what I am oram not. My heart is not for them to peck at. So I said, calmly:

"Carmen was stabbed!"

"And serve her right! Fascinating, fiendish demon!" Then she laughed, hermood changing. 

"Did you see Charlie?" she said. 

"We breakfasted together. "

"Cheerful person, isn't he?"

"No, " I said. "He looked cross and ill. "

"Ill!" she said, with a shade of anxiety. "Oh, you only mean dyspeptic. "

"Perhaps. "

"Well, he always does when he comes from Paris. If you could go into hisroom and see the row of photographs on his mantelpiece, you might guesswhy. "

"Pictures of 'Sole Dieppoise' and 'Poulet à la Victoria aux Truffes, ' nodoubt, " I hazarded. 

She doubled up with laughter. "Yes, just that, " she said. "Well, he adoresme in his way, and will bring me a new Cartier ring to make up for it--youwill see at luncheon. "

"He is a perfect husband, then. "

"About the same as you will find Christopher. Only Christopher will startby being an exquisite lover. There is nothing he does not know, andCharlie has not an idea of that part. Heavens!--the dulness of myhoneymoon!"

"Mrs. Carruthers said all honeymoons were only another parallel to goingto the dentist or being photographed. Necessary evils to be got throughfor the sake of the results. "

"The results!"

"Yes, the nice house and the jewels and the other things. "

"Oh! Yes, I suppose she was right, but if one had married Robert one wouldhave had both. " She did not say both what--but oh, I knew!

"You think Mr. Carruthers will make a fair husband, then?" I asked. 

"You will never really know Christopher. I have been acquainted with himfor years. You will never feel he would tell you the whole truth aboutanything. He is an epicure, and an analyst of sensations. I don't know ifhe has any gods--he does not believe in them if he has; he believes in noone, and nothing, but perhaps himself. He is violently in love with youfor the moment, and he wants to marry you, because he cannot obtain you onany other terms. "

"You are flattering, " I said, rather hurt. 

"I am truthful. You will probably have a delightful time with him, andkeep him devoted to you for years, because you are not in love with him;and he will take good care you do not look at any one else. I can imagineif one were in love with Christopher he would break one's heart, as he hasbroken poor Alicia Verney's. "

"Oh, but how silly! People don't have broken hearts now; you are talkinglike out of a book, dear Lady Ver. "

"There are a few cases of broken hearts, but they are not for bookreasons--of death and tragedy, etc. --they are because we cannot have whatwe want, or keep what we have--" and she sighed. 

We did not speak for a few minutes, then she said, quite gayly:

"You have made my head better; your touch is extraordinary; in spite ofall, I like you, snake-girl. You are not found on every gooseberry-bush. "

We kissed lightly, and I left her and went to my room. 

Yes, the best thing I can do is to marry Christopher. I care for him solittle that the lady in Paris won't matter to me, even if she is like SirCharles's "Poulet à la Victoria aux Truffes. " He is such a gentleman, hewill at least be kind to me and refined and considerate--and theCarruthers emeralds are divine, and just my stones. I shall have themreset by Cartier. The lace, too, will suit me, and the sables, and I shallhave the suite that Mrs. Carruthers used at Branches done up with pale, pale green, and burn all the early Victorians! And no doubt existencewill be full of triumphs and pleasure. 

But oh--I wish--I wish it were possible to obtain--"both!"

 300 PARK STREET, _Friday night. _

Luncheon passed off very well. Sir Charles returned from the City improvedin temper, and, as Lady Ver had predicted, presented her with a Cartierjewel. It was a brooch, not a ring, but she was delighted, and purred tohim. 

He was a little late, and we were seated, a party of eight, when he camein. They all chaffed him about Paris, and he took it quitegood-humoredly--he even seemed pleased. He has no wit, but he looks like agentleman, and I dare say as husbands go he is suitable. 

I am getting quite at home in the world, and can speak to any one. Ilisten, and I do not talk much, only when I want to say something thatmakes them think. 

A very nice man sat next me to-day; he reminded me of the old generals atBranches. We had quite a war of wits, and it stimulated me. 

He told me, among other things, when he discovered who I was, that he hadknown papa--papa was in the same Guards with him--and that he was thebest-looking man of his day. Numbers of women were in love with him, hesaid, but he was a faithless being, and rode away. 

"He probably enjoyed himself--don't you think so?--and he had the goodluck to die in his zenith, " I said. 

"He was once engaged to Lady Merrenden, you know. She was Lady SophiaVavasour then, and absolutely devoted to him, but Mrs. Carruthers camebetween them and carried him off--she was years older than he was, too, and as clever as paint. "

"Poor papa seems to have been a weak creature, I fear. "

"All men are weak, " he said. 

"And then he married and left Mrs. Carruthers, I suppose?" I asked. Iwanted to hear as much as I could. 

"Ye-e-s, " said my old colonel. "I was best man at the wedding. "

"And what was she like, my mamma?"

"She was the loveliest creature I ever saw, " he said--"as lovely as you, only you are the image of your father, all but the hair--his was fair. "

"No one has ever said I was lovely before. Oh, I am so glad if you thinkso, " I said. It did please me. I have often been told I am attractive andextraordinary, and wonderful and divine, but never just lovely. He wouldnot say any more about my parents, except that they hadn't a sou to liveon, and were not very happy--Mrs. Carruthers took care of that. 

Then, as every one was going, he said: "I am awfully glad to have met you. We must be pals, for the sake of old times, " and he gave me his card forme to keep his address, and told me if ever I wanted a friend to send hima line--Colonel Tom Carden, The Albany. 

I promised I would. 

"You might give me away at my wedding, " I said, gayly. "I am thinking ofgetting married, some day!"

"That I will, " he promised; "and, by Jove! the man will be a fortunatefellow. "

Lady Ver and I drove after luncheon--me paid some calls, and went in totea with the Montgomeries, who had just arrived at Brown's Hotel for aweek's shopping. 

"Aunt Katherine brings those poor girls up always at this time, and takesthem to some impossible old dressmaker of her own in the daytime, and toShakespeare or a concert at night, and returns with them equipped in morehideous garments each year. It is positively cruel, " said Lady Ver, as wewent up the stairs to their _appartement_. 

There they were, sitting round the tea-table just as at Tryland--Kirstieand Jean embroidering and knitting, and the other two reading newcatalogues of books for their work. 

Lady Ver began to tease them. She asked them all sorts of questions abouttheir new frocks, and suggested they had better go to Paris once in a way. Lady Katherine was like ice. She strongly disapproved of my being with herniece, one could see. 

The connection with the family she hoped would be ended with my visit toTryland. Malcolm was arriving in town, too, we gathered, and Lady Ver lefta message to ask him to dine to-night. 

Then we got away. 

"If one of those lumps of suet had a spark of spirit they would gostraight to the devil, " Lady Ver said as we went down the stairs. "Thinkof it--ties and altar-cloths in London! Mercifully they could not dineto-night. I had to ask them, and they generally come once while they areup--the four girls and Aunt Katherine--and it is with the greatestdifficulty I can collect four young men for them if they get the leasthint whom they are to meet. I generally secure a couple of sociallybudding Jews, because I feel the subscriptions for their charities whichthey will pester whoever they do sit next for are better filched from theHebrew than from some pretty, needy Guardsman. Oh, what a life!"

She was so kind to me on the way back; she said she hated leaving me aloneon the morrow, and that I must settle now what I was going to do or shewould not go. I said I would go to Claridge's, where Mrs. Carruthers and Ihad always stayed, and remain quietly alone with Véronique. I could affordit for a week. So we drove there and made the arrangement. 

"It is absolutely impossible for you to go on like this, dear child, " shesaid. "You must have a chaperone; you are far too pretty to stay alone ina hotel. What _can_ I do for you?"

I felt so horribly uncomfortable I was really at my wits' end. Oh, it isno fun being an adventuress, after all, if you want to keep your friendsof the world as well. 

"Perhaps it won't matter if I don't see any one for a few days, " I said. "I will write to Paris. My old mademoiselle is married there to aflourishing poet, I believe--perhaps she would take me as a paying guestfor a little. "

"That is very visionary--a French poet! Horrible, long-haired, frowsycreature! Impossible! Surely you see how necessary it is for you to marryChristopher as soon as you can, Evangeline, don't you?" she said, and Iwas obliged to admit there were reasons. 

"The truth is, you can't be the least eccentric or unconventional if youare good-looking and unmarried, " she continued. "You may snap your fingersat society, but if you do you won't have a good time, and all the men willeither foolishly champion you or be impertinent to you. "

"Oh, I realize it, " I said, and there was a lump in my throat. 

"I shall write to Christopher to-morrow, " she went on, "and thank him forour outing last night, and I shall say something nice about you and yourloneliness, and that he, as a kind of relation, may go and see you onSunday, as long as he doesn't make love to you, and he can take you to theZoo--don't see him in your sitting-room. That will give him just the extrafillip, and he will go, and you will be demure, and then by thosestimulating lions' and tigers' cages you can plight your troth. It will bequite respectable. Wire to me at once on Monday to Sedgwick, and you mustcome back to Park Street directly I return on Thursday, if it is allsettled. "

I thanked her as well as I could. She was quite ingenuous and quitesincere. I should be a welcome guest as Christopher's fiancée, and therewas no use my feeling bitter about it--she was quite right. 

As I put my hand on Malcolm's skinny arm going down to the dining-room, the only consolation was my fate had not got to be him. I would rather beanything in the world than married to that!

I tried to be agreeable to Sir Charles. We were only a party of six. Anold Miss Harpenden, who goes everywhere to play bridge, and Malcolm, andone of Lady Ver's young men, and I. Sir Charles is absent, and bringshimself back. He fiddles with the knives and forks, and sprawls on thetable rather, too. He looks at Lady Ver with admiration in his eyes. It istrue, then, in the intervals of Paris, I suppose, she can make his heartbeat. 

Malcolm made love to me after dinner. We were left to talk when the otherssat down to bridge in the little drawing-room. 

"I missed you so terribly, Miss Travers, " he said, priggishly, "when youleft us that I realized I was extremely attracted by you. "

"No, you don't say so!" I said, innocently. "Could one believe a thinglike that?"

"Yes, " he said, earnestly. "You may, indeed, believe it. "

"Do not say it so suddenly, then, " I said, turning my head away so that hecould not see how I was laughing. "You see, to a red-haired person like methese compliments go to my head. "

"Oh, I do not want to flurry you, " he said, affably. "I know I have been agood deal sought after--perhaps on account of my possessions"--this witharrogant modesty--"but I am willing to lay everything at your feet if youwill marry me. "

"Everything?" I asked. 

"Yes, everything. "

"You are too good, Mr. Montgomerie--but what would your mother say?"

He looked uneasy and slightly unnerved. 

"My mother, I fear, has old-fashioned notions, but I am sure if you wentto her dressmaker--you--you would look different. "

"Should you like me to look different, then? You wouldn't recognize me, you know, if I went to her dressmaker. "

"I like you just as you are, " he said, with an air of great condescension. 

"I am overcome, " I said, humbly. "But--but--what is this story I hearabout Miss Angela Grey? A lady, I see in the papers, who dances at theGaiety, is it not? Are you sure she will permit you to make thisdeclaration without her knowledge?"

He became petrified. 

"Who has told you about her?" he asked. 

"No one, " I said. "Jean said your father was angry with you on account ofa horse of that name, but I chanced to see it in the list of attractionsat the Gaiety, so I conclude it is not a horse; and if you are engaged toher, I don't think it is quite right of you to try and break my heart. "

"Oh, Evangeline--Miss Travers!" he spluttered. "I am greatly attached toyou--the other was only a pastime--a--a--Oh, we men, you know--youngand--and--run after--have our temptations, you know. You must thinknothing about it. I will never see her again, except just to finally saygood-bye. I promise you. "

"Oh, I could not do a mean thing like that, Mr. Montgomerie, " I said. "Youmust not think of behaving so on my account. I am not altogetherheartbroken, you know; in fact, I rather think of getting married, myself. "

He bounded up. 

"Oh, you have deceived me, then!" he said, in self-righteous wrath. "Afterall I said to you that evening at Tryland, and what you promised then!Yes, you have grossly deceived me. "

I could not say I had not listened to a word he had said that night andwas utterly unconscious of what I had promised. Even his self-appreciationdid not deserve such a blow as that, so I softened my voice and naturalanger at his words, and said, quite gently:

"Do not be angry. If I have unconsciously given you a wrong impression Iam sorry, but if one came to talking of deceiving, you have deceived meabout Miss Grey, so do not let us speak further upon the matter. We arequits. Now, won't you be friends as you have always been?" and I put outmy hand and smiled frankly in his face. The mean little lines in itrelaxed, he pulled himself together, and took my hand and pressed itwarmly. From which I knew there was more in the affair of Angela Grey thanmet the eye. 

"Evangeline, " he said. "I shall always love you; but Miss Grey is anestimable young woman--there is not a word to be said against her moralcharacter--and I have promised her my hand in marriage, so perhaps we hadbetter say good-bye. "

"Good-bye, " I said; "but I consider I have every reason to feel insultedby your offer, which was not, judging from your subsequent remarks, wortha moment's thought. "

"Oh, but I love you!" he said, and by his face, for the time, this wasprobably true. So I did not say any more, and we rose and joined thebridge players. And I contrived that he should not speak to me again alonebefore he said good-night. 

"Did Malcolm propose to you?" Lady Ver asked as we came up to bed. "Ithought I saw a look in his eye at dinner. "

I told her he had done it in a kind of a way, with a reservation in favorof Miss Angela Grey. 

"That is too dreadful!" she said. "There is a regular epidemic in some ofthe Guards regiments just now to marry these poor, common things with highmoral characters and indifferent feet. But I should have thought thecuteness of the Scot would have protected Malcolm from their designs. PoorAunt Katherine!"

 CLARIDGE'S, Saturday, _November 26th. _

Lady Ver went off early to the station to catch her train toNorthumberland this morning, and I hardly saw her to say good-bye. Sheseemed out of temper, too, on getting a note--she did not tell me who itwas from or what it was about, only she said immediately after that I wasnot to be stupid. "Do not play with Christopher further, " she said, "oryou will lose him. He will certainly come and see you to-morrow. He wroteto me this morning in answer to mine of last night, but he says he won'tgo to the Zoo, so you will have to see him in your sitting-room, afterall. He will come about four. "

I did not speak. 

"Evangeline, " she said, "promise me you won't be a fool. "

"I--won't be a fool, " I said. 

Then she kissed me and was off, and a few moments after I also started forClaridge's. 

I have a very nice little suite right up at the top, and if only it wererespectable for me, and I could afford it, I could live here verycomfortably by myself for a long time. 

At a quarter to two I was ringing the bell at 200 Carlton HouseTerrace--Lady Merrenden's house--with a strange feeling of excitement andinterest. Of course, it must have been because once she had been engagedto papa. In the second thoughts take to flash, I remembered Lord Robert'swords when I talked of coming to London alone at Branches--how he wouldbring me here, and how she would be kind to me until I could "hunt round. "

Oh, it came to me with a sudden stab. He was leaning over Lady Ver in thenorthern train by now. 

Such a stately, beautiful hall it is when the doors open, with a finestaircase going each way, and full of splendid pictures, and the wholeatmosphere pervaded with an air of refinement and calm. 

The footmen are tall, and not too young, and even at this time of the yearhave powdered hair. 

Lady Merrenden was up-stairs in the small drawing-room, and she rose tomeet me, a book in her hand, when I was announced. 

Her manners are so beautiful in her own home--gracious, and not the leastpatronizing. 

"I am so glad to see you, " she said. "I hope you won't be bored, but Ihave not asked any one to meet you, only my nephew Torquilstone iscoming. He is a great sufferer, poor fellow, and numbers of faces worryhim at times----"

I said I was delighted to see her alone. No look more kind could beexpressed in a human countenance than is expressed in hers. She has thesame exceptional appearance of breeding that Lord Robert has--tiny earsand wrists and head; even dressed as a char-woman Lady Merrenden wouldlook like a great lady. 

Very soon we were talking without the least restraint. She did not speakof people or of very deep things, but it gave one the impression of anelevated mind and a knowledge of books, and wide thoughts. Oh, I couldlove her so easily. 

We had been talking for nearly a quarter of an hour. She had incidentallyasked me where I was staying now, and had not seemed surprised or shockedwhen I said Claridge's, and by myself. 

All she said was: "What a lonely little girl! But I dare say it is veryrestful sometimes to be by one's self, only you must let your friends comeand see you, won't you?"

"I don't think I have any friends, " I said. "You see, I have been out solittle, but if you would come and see me--oh, I should be so grateful. "

"Then you must count me as one of your rare friends!" she said. 

Nothing could be so rare or so sweet as her smile. Fancy papa throwingover this angel for Mrs. Carruthers! Men are certainly unaccountablecreatures. 

I said I would be too honored to have her for a friend, and she took myhand. 

"You bring back the long ago, " she said. "My name is Evangeline, too--Sophia Evangeline--and I sometimes think you may have been called soin remembrance of me. "

What a strange, powerful factor love must be! Here were these two women, Mrs. Carruthers and Lady Merrenden--the very opposites of each other--andthey had evidently both adored papa, and both, according to their natures, had taken an interest in me in consequence, the child of a third woman whohad superseded them both! Papa must have been extraordinarily fascinating, for to the day of her death Mrs. Carruthers had his miniature on hertable, with a fresh rose beside it--his memory the only soft spot, itseemed, in her hard heart. 

And this sweet lady's eyes melted in tenderness when she spoke of the longago, although she does not know me well enough yet to say anythingfurther. To me papa's picture is nothing so very wonderful--just agood-looking young Guardsman, with eyes shaped like mine, only gray, andlight, curly hair. He must have had "a way with him, " as the servants say. 

At that moment the Duke of Torquilstone came in. Oh, such a sad sight!

A poor, humpbacked man, with a strong face and head and a soured, suspicious, cynical expression. He would evidently have been very tall butfor his deformity--a hump stands out on his back almost like Mr. Punch. Hecan't be much over forty, but he looks far older; his hair is quite gray. 

Not a line or an expression in him reminded me of Lord Robert, I am gladto say. 

Lady Merrenden introduced us, and Lord Merrenden came in then, too, and weall went down to luncheon. 

It was a rather small table, so we were all near one another and couldtalk. 

The dining-room is immense. 

"I always have this little table when we are such a small party, " LadyMerrenden said. "It is more cosey, and one does not feel so isolated. "

How I agreed with her!

The duke looked at me searchingly, often, with his shrewd little eyes. One could not say if it was with approval or disapproval. 

Lord Merrenden talked about politics and the questions of the day. He hasa courteous manner, and all their voices are soft and refined. And nothingcould have been more smooth and silent than the service. 

The luncheon was very simple and very good, but not half the number ofrich dishes like at Branches, or Lady Ver's. There was only one bowl ofviolets on the table, but the bowl was gold, and a beautiful shape, andthe violets nearly as big as pansies. My eyes wandered to thepictures--Gainsborough's and Reynolds's and Romney's--of stately men andwomen. 

"You met my other nephew, Lord Robert, did you not?" Lady Merrenden said, presently. "He told me he had gone to Branches, where I believe youlived. "

"Yes, " I said, and--oh, it is too humiliating to write!--I felt my cheeksget crimson at the mention of Lord Robert's name. What could she havethought? Can anything be so young-ladylike and ridiculous!

"He came to the opera with us the night before last, " I continued. "Mr. Carruthers had a box, and Lady Verningham and I went with them. " Then, recollecting how odd this must sound in my deep mourning, I added, "I amso fond of music. "

"So is Robert, " she said. "I am sure he must have been pleased to meet akindred spirit there. "

Sweet, charming, kind lady! If she only knew what emotions were reallyagitating us in that box that night! I fear the actual love of music wasthe least of them. 

The duke, during this conversation and from the beginning mention of LordRobert's name, never took his eyes off my face--it was very disconcerting;his look was clearer now, and it was certainly disapproving. 

We had coffee up-stairs, out of such exquisite Dresden cups, and then LordMerrenden showed me some miniatures. Finally it happened that the duke andI were left alone for a minute looking out of a window onto the Mall. 

His eyes pierced me through and through. Well, at all events, my nose andmy ears and my wrists are as fine as Lady Merrenden's--poor mamma's oddmother does not show in me on the outside, thank goodness! He did not saymuch, only commonplaces about the view. I felt afraid of him, and ratherdepressed. I am sure he dislikes me. 

"May I not drive you somewhere?" my kind hostess said. "Or, if you havenowhere in particular to go, will you come with me?"

I said I should be delighted. An ache of loneliness was creeping over me. I wanted to put off as long as possible getting back to the hotel. Iwanted to distract my thoughts from dwelling upon to-morrow and what I wasgoing to say to Christopher. To-morrow--that seems the end of the world!

She has beautiful horses, Lady Merrenden, and the whole turn-out, exceptshe herself, is as smart as can be. She really looks a little frumpishout-of-doors, and perhaps that is why papa went on to Mrs. Carruthers. Goodness and dearness like this do not suit male creatures as well ascaprice, it seems. 

She was so good to me, and talked in the nicest way. I quite forgot I wasa homeless wanderer, and arrived at Claridge's about half-past four inalmost good spirits. 

"You won't forget I am to be one of your friends, " Lady Merrenden said, asI bid her good-bye. 

"Indeed I won't, " I replied, and she drove off, smiling at me. 

I do wonder what she will think of my marriage with Christopher. 

Now it is night. I have had a miserable, lonely dinner in mysitting-room. Véronique has been most gracious and coddling--she feels Mr. Carruthers in the air, I suppose--and so I must go to bed. 

Oh, why am I not happy, and why don't I think this is a delightful andunusual situation, as I once would have done? I only feel depressed andmiserable, and as if I wished Christopher at the bottom of the sea. I havetold myself how good-looking he is, and how he attracted me at Branches, but that was before--Yes, I may as well write what I was going to--beforeLord Robert arrived. Well, he and Lady Ver are talking together on a nicesofa by now, I suppose, in a big, well-lit drawing-room, and--Oh, I_wish_, I _wish_ I had never made any bargain with her--perhaps, now, inthat case--Ah, well----

 _Sunday afternoon. _

No, I can't bear it. All the morning I have been in a fever, first hot andthen cold. What will it be like? Oh, I shall faint when he kisses me. AndI know he will be dreadful like that; I have seen it in his eye. He willeat me up. Oh, I am sure I shall hate it. No man has ever kissed me in mylife, and I can't judge, but I am sure it is frightful--unless--I feel asif I shall go crazy if I stay here any longer. I can't--I can't stop andwait and face it. I must have some air first. There is a misty fog. Iwould like to go out and get lost in it, and I _will_, too! Not get lost, perhaps, but go out in it, and alone. I won't have even Véronique. I shallgo by myself into the park. It is growing nearly dark, though only threeo'clock. I have got an hour. It looks mysterious, and will soothe me, andsuit my mood, and then, when I come in again, I shall perhaps be able tobear it bravely, kisses and all. 

 CLARIDGE'S, Sunday evening, _November 27th. _

I have a great deal to write, and yet it is only a few hours since I shutup this book and replaced the key on my bracelet. 

By a quarter-past three I was making my way through Grosvenor Square. Everything was misty and blurred, but not actually a thick fog--or anychance of being lost. By the time I got into the park it had lifted alittle. It seemed close and warm, and as I went on I got more depressed. Ihave never been out alone before--that in itself seemed strange, and oughtto have amused me. 

The image of Christopher kept floating in front of me; his face seemed tohave the expression of a satyr. Well, at all events, he would never beable to break my heart like "Alicia Verney's"--nothing could ever make mecare for him. I tried to think of all the good I was going to get out ofthe affair, and how really fond I was of Branches. 

I walked very fast; people loomed at me, and then disappeared in the mist. It was getting almost dusk, and suddenly I felt tired and sat down on abench. 

I had wandered into a side path where there were no chairs. On the benchbefore mine I saw, as I passed, a tramp huddled up. I wondered what histhoughts were, and if he felt any more miserable than I did. I dare say Iwas crouching in a depressed position, too. 

Not many people went by, and every moment it grew darker. In all my life, even on the days when Mrs. Carruthers taunted me about mamma being nobody, I have never felt so wretched. Tears kept rising in my eyes, and I did noteven worry to blink them away. Who would see me, and who in the worldwould care if they did see?

Suddenly I was conscious that a very perfect figure was coming out of themist towards me, but not until he was close to me, and stopping, with astart, peered into my face, did I recognize it was Lord Robert. 

"Evangeline!" he exclaimed, in a voice of consternation. "I--what, oh!what is the matter?"

No wonder he was surprised. Why he had not taken me for some tramp, too, and passed on, I don't know. 

"Nothing, " I said, as well as I could, and tried to tilt my hat over myeyes. I had no veil on, unfortunately. 

"I have just been for a walk. Why do you call me Evangeline and why areyou not in Northumberland?"

He looked so tall and beautiful, and his face had no expression ofcontempt or anger now, only distress and sympathy. 

"I was suddenly put on guard yesterday, and could not get leave. I amgoing to-morrow, " he said, not answering the first part, "but, oh, I can'tbear to see you sitting here alone and looking so, so miserable. Mayn't Itake you home? You will catch cold in the damp. "

"Oh no, not yet. I won't go back yet, " I said, hardly realizing what I wassaying. He sat down beside me and slipped his hand into my muff, pressingmy clasped fingers, the gentlest, friendliest caress a child might havemade in sympathy. It touched some foolish chord in my nature, some want ofself-control inherited from mamma's ordinary mother, I suppose; anyway thetears poured down my face. I could not help it. Oh, the shame of it! Tosit crying in the park, in front of Lord Robert, of all people in theworld, too!

"Dear, dear little girl, " he said, "tell me about it, " and he held my handin my muff with his strong, warm hand. 

"I--I have nothing to tell, " I said, choking down a sob. "I am ashamedfor you to see me like this, only--I am feeling so very miserable. "

"Dear child!" he said. "Well, you are not to be--I won't have it. Has someone been unkind to you? Tell me, tell me. " His voice was trembling withdistress. 

"It's--it's nothing, " I mumbled. 

I dared not look at him, I knew his eyebrows would be up in that way thatattracts me so dreadfully. 

"Listen, " he whispered almost, and bent over me. "I want you to be friendswith me so that I can help you. I want you to go back to the time wepacked your books together. God knows what has come between us since--itis not of my doing. But I want to take care of you, dear little girl, to-day. It--oh, it hurts me so to see you crying here!"

"I--would like to be friends, " I said. "I never wanted to be anythingelse, but I could not help it, and I can't now. "

"Won't you tell me the reason?" he pleaded. "You have made me sodreadfully unhappy about it. I thought all sorts of things. You know I ama jealous beast. "

There can't in the world be another voice as engaging as Lord Robert's, and he has a trick of pronouncing words that is too attractive; and theway his mouth goes when he is speaking, showing his perfectly chiselledlips under the little mustache! There is no use pretending. I was sittingthere on the bench going through thrills of emotion and longing for him totake me in his arms. It is too frightful to think of. I must be bad, afterall. 

"Now you are going to tell me everything about it, " he commanded. "Tobegin with: what made you suddenly change at Trylands after the firstafternoon--and then, what is it that makes you so unhappy now?"

"I can't tell you either, " I said, very low. I hoped the commongrandmother would not take me as far as doing mean tricks to Lady Ver. 

"Oh, you have made me wild!" he exclaimed, letting go my hand and leaningboth elbows on his knees, while he pushed his hat to the back of hishead--"perfectly mad with fury and jealousy! That brute Malcolm! And thenlooking at Campion at dinner, and, worst of all, Christopher in the box at'Carmen'! Wicked, naughty little thing! And yet underneath I have afeeling it is for some absurd reason, and not for sheer devilment. If Ithought that, I would soon get not to care. I did think it at 'Carmen. '"

"Yes, I know, " I said. 

"You know what?" he looked up, startled; then he took my hand again andsat close to me. 

"Oh, please, please don't, Lord Robert!" I said. 

It really made me quiver so with the loveliest feeling I have ever known, that I knew I should never be able to keep my head if he went on. 

"Please, please don't hold my hand, " I said. "It--it makes me not able tobehave nicely. "

"Darling, " he whispered, "then it shows that you like me, and I sha'n'tlet go until you tell me every little bit. "

"Oh, I can't, I can't!" I felt too tortured, and yet, waves of joy wererushing over me. That _is_ a word, "darling, " for giving feelings down theback. 

"Evangeline, " he said, quite sternly, "will you answer this question, then: Do you like me, or do you hate me? Because, as you must know verywell, I love you. "

Oh, the wild joy of hearing him say that! What in the world did anythingelse matter? For a moment there was a singing in my ears, and I forgoteverything but our two selves. Then the picture of Christopher waiting forme, with his cold cynic's face and eyes blazing with passion, rushed intomy vision, and the duke's critical, suspicious, disapproving scrutiny, and I felt as if a cry of pain, like a wounded animal, escaped me. 

"Darling, darling, what is it? Did I hurt your dear little hand?" LordRobert exclaimed, tenderly. 

"No, " I whispered, brokenly; "but I cannot listen to you. I am going backto Claridge's now, and I am going to marry Mr. Carruthers. "

He dropped my hand as if it stung him. 

"Good God! Then it is true, " was all he said. 

In fear I glanced at him, his face looked gray in the quickly gatheringmist. 

"Oh, Robert!" I said, in anguish, unable to help myself. "It isn't becauseI want to. I--I--oh, probably I love you, but I must; there is nothingelse to be done. "

"Isn't there?" he said, all the life and joy coming back to his face. "Doyou think I will let Christopher, or any other man in the world have you, now that you have confessed that?" and, fortunately, there was no one insight, because he put his arms round my neck and drew me close and kissedmy lips. 

Oh, what nonsense people talk of heaven! Sitting on clouds and singingpsalms and things like that! There can't be any heaven half so lovely asbeing kissed by Robert. I felt quite giddy with happiness for severalexquisite seconds, then I woke up. It was all absolutely impossible, Iknew, and I must keep my head. 

"Now you belong to me, " he said, letting his arm slip down to my waist, "so you must begin at the beginning, and tell me everything. "

"No, no, " I said, struggling feebly to free myself, and feeling so glad heheld me tight. "It is impossible, all the same, and that only makes itharder. Christopher is coming to see me at four, and I promised Lady Ver Iwould not be a fool, and would marry him. "

"A fig for Lady Ver, " he said, calmly. "If that is all, you leave her tome--she never argues with me. "

"It is not only that; I--I promised I would never play with you. "

"And you certainly never shall, " he said, and I could see a look in hiseye as he purposely misconstrued my words, and then he deliberately kissedme again. Oh, I like it better than anything else in the world! How couldany one keep their head with Robert quite close, making love like that?

"You certainly never--never--shall, " he said again, with a kiss betweeneach word. "I will take care of that. Your time of playing with people isover, mademoiselle. When you are married to me, I shall fight with any onewho dares to look at you. "

"But I shall never be married to you, Robert, " I said, though as I couldonly be happy for such a few moments I did not think it necessary to moveaway out of his arms. How thankful I was to the fog! and no one passing! Ishall always adore fogs. 

"Yes, you will, " he announced, with perfect certainty, "in about afortnight, I should think. I can't and won't have you staying atClaridge's by yourself. I shall take you back this afternoon to AuntSophia. Only all that we can settle presently; now for the moment I wantyou to tell me you love me, and that you are sorry for being such a littlebrute all this time. "

"I did not know it until just now, but I think--I probably do loveyou--Robert, " I said. 

He was holding my hand in my muff again, the other arm round my waist. Absolutely disgraceful behavior in the park. We might have been Susan Janeand Thomas Augustus, and yet I was perfectly happy, and felt it was theonly natural way to sit. 

A figure appeared in the distance--we started apart. 

"Oh, really, really--" I gasped--"we---- you--must be different. "

He leaned back and laughed. 

"You sweet darling! Well, come, we will go for a drive in a hansom; wewill choose one without a light inside. Albert Gate is quite close--come!"and he rose, and taking my arm, not offering his to me, like in books, hedrew me on down the path. 

I am sure any one would be terribly shocked to read what I have written, but not so much if they knew Robert, and how utterly adorable he is, andhow masterful, and simple, and direct. He does not split straws or bandywords. I had made the admission that I loved him, and that was enough togo upon. 

As we walked along I tried to tell him it was impossible, that I must goback to Christopher, that Lady Ver would think I had broken my word aboutit. I did not, of course, tell him of her bargain with me over him, but heprobably guessed that, because before we got into the hansom even, he hadbegun to put me through a searching cross-examination as to the reasonsfor my behavior at Tryland, and Park Street, and the opera. I felt like achild with a strong man, and every moment more idiotically happy and inlove with him. 

He told the cabman to drive to Hammersmith, and then put his arm round mywaist again, and held my hand, pulling my glove off backward first. It isa great, big, granny muff of sable I have, Mrs. Carruthers's present on mylast birthday. I never thought then to what charming use it would be put. 

"Now I think we have demolished all your silly little reasons for makingme miserable, " he said. "What others have you to bring forward as to whyyou can't marry me in a fortnight?"

I was silent--I did not know how to say it--the principal reason of all. 

"Evangeline, darling, " he pleaded. "Oh, why will you make us both unhappy?Tell me, at least. "

"Your brother, the duke, " I said, very low. "He will never consent to yourmarrying a person like me, with no relations. "

He was silent for a second, then: "My brother is an awfully good fellow, "he said; "but his mind is warped by his infirmity. You must not thinkhardly of him; he will love you directly he sees you, like every oneelse. "

"I saw him yesterday, " I said. 

Robert was so astonished. 

"Where did you see him?" he asked. 

Then I told him about meeting Lady Merrenden, and her asking me toluncheon, and about her having been in love with papa, and about the dukehaving looked me through and through with an expression of dislike. 

"Oh, I see it all, " said Robert, holding me closer. "Aunt Sophia and I aregreat friends, you know; she has always been like my mother, who died whenI was a baby. I told her all about you when I came from Branches, and howI had fallen deeply in love with you at first sight, and that she musthelp me to see you at Tryland; and she did, and then I thought you hadgrown to dislike me, so when I came back she guessed I was unhappy aboutsomething, and this is her first step to find out how she can do me a goodturn. Oh, she is a dear!"

"Yes, indeed, she is, " I said. 

"Of course she is extra interested in you if she was in love with yourfather. So that is all right, darling; she must know all about yourfamily, and can tell Torquilstone. Why, we have nothing to fear!"

"Oh yes, we have, " I said. "I know all the story of what your brother is_toqué_ about. Lady Ver told me. You see, the awkward part is mamma wasreally nobody; her father and mother forgot to get married, and althoughmamma was lovely and had been beautifully brought up by two old ladies atBrighton, it was a disgrace for papa marrying her. Mrs. Carruthers hasoften taunted me with this. "

"Darling!" he interrupted, and began to kiss me again, and that gave mesuch feeling I could not collect my thoughts to go on with what I wassaying for a few minutes. We both were rather silly, if it is silly to bemadly, wildly happy, and oblivious of everything else. 

"I will go straight to Aunt Sophia now, when I take you back toClaridge's, " he said, presently, when we had got a little calmer. 

I wonder what kisses do that it makes one have that perfectly lovelysensation down the back, just like certain music does, only much, muchmore so. I thought they would be dreadful things when it was a question ofChristopher, but Robert! Oh, well, as I said before, I can't think of anyother heaven. 

"What time is it?" I had sense enough to ask presently. 

He lit a match and looked at his watch. 

"Ten minutes past five, " he exclaimed. 

"And Christopher was coming about four, " I said; "and if you had notchanced to meet me in the park by now I should have been engaged to him, and probably trying to bear his kissing me. "

"My God!" said Robert, fiercely; "it makes me rave to think of it, " and heheld me so tight for a moment I could hardly breathe. 

"You won't have any one else's kisses ever again in this world, and that Itell you, " he said, through his teeth. 

"I--I don't want them, " I whispered creeping closer to him. "And I neverhave had any, never any one but you, Robert. "

"Darling, " he said, "how that pleases me!"

Of course, if I wanted to I could go on writing pages and pages of all thelovely things we said to each other, but it would sound, even to read tomyself, such nonsense that I can't, and I couldn't make the tone ofRobert's voice, or the exquisite fascination of his ways--tender, andadoring, and masterful. It must all stay in my heart, but oh! it is as ifa fairy with a wand had passed and said "bloom" to a winter tree. Numbersof emotions that I had never dreamed about were surging through me--thefloodgates of everything in my soul seemed opening in one rush of love andjoy. While we were together nothing appeared to matter, all barriersmelted away. 

Fate would be sure to be kind to lovers like us. 

We got back to Claridge's about six, and Robert would not let me go up tomy sitting-room until he had found out if Christopher had gone. 

Yes, he had come at four, we discovered, and had waited twenty minutes, and then left, saying he would come again at half-past six. 

"Then you will write him a note, and give it to the porter for him, sayingyou are engaged to me and can't see him, " Robert said. 

"No, I won't do that. I am not engaged to you, and cannot be until yourfamily consent and are nice to me, " I said. 

"Darling!" he faltered, and his voice trembled with emotion. "Darling, love is between you and me--it is our lives. However, that can go. Theways of my family--nothing shall ever separate you from me or me from you, I swear it! Write to Christopher. "

I sat down at a table in the hall and wrote:

"DEAR MR. CARRUTHERS, --

"I am sorry I was out, " then I bit the end of my pen. "Don't come and seeme this evening. I will tell you why in a day or two. 

 "Yours sincerely, "EVANGELINE TRAVERS. 

"Will that do?" I said, and I handed it to Robert, while I addressed theenvelope. 

"Yes, " he said, and waited while I sealed it up and gave it to the porter. Then, with a surreptitious squeeze of the hand, he left me to go to LadyMerrenden. 

I have come up to my little sitting-room a changed being. The whole worldrevolves for me upon another axis, and all within the space of three shorthours. 

 CLARIDGE'S, Sunday night, _November 27th. _

Late this evening, about eight o'clock, when I had relocked my journal, Igot a note from Robert. I was just going to begin my dinner. 

I tore it open, inside was another; I did not wait to look who from, I wastoo eager to read his. I paste it in:

 "CARLTON HOUSE TERRACE. 

 "MY DARLING, --

 "I have had a long talk with Aunt Sophia, and she is everything that is sweet and kind, but she fears Torquilstone will be a little difficult (_I don't care_, _nothing_ shall separate us now). She asks me not to go and see you again to-night as she thinks it would be better for you that I should not go to the hotel so late. Darling, read her note, and you will see how nice she is. I shall come round to-morrow, the moment the beastly stables are finished, about twelve o'clock. Oh, take care of yourself! What a difference to-night and last night! I was feeling horribly miserable and reckless, and to-night! Well, you can guess. I am not half good enough for you, darling beautiful queen, but I think I shall know how to make you happy. I love you. 

 "Good-night my own. 

 "ROBERT. "

 "Do please send me a tiny line by my servant. I have told him to wait. "

I have never had a love-letter before. What lovely things they are. I feltthrills of delight over bits of it. Of course I see now that I must havebeen dreadfully in love with Robert all along, only I did not know itquite. I fell into a kind of blissful dream, and then I roused myself upto read Lady Merrenden's. I sha'n't put hers in, too; it fills up toomuch, and I can't shut the clasp of my journal. It is a perfectly sweetlittle letter, just saying Robert had told her the news, and that she wasprepared to welcome me as her dearest niece, and to do all she could forus. She hoped I would not think her very tiresome and old-fashionedsuggesting Robert had better not see me again to-night, and, if it wouldnot inconvenience me, she would herself come round to-morrow morning anddiscuss what was best to be done. 

Véronique said Lord Robert's valet was waiting outside the door, so I flewto my table and began to write. My hand trembled so I made a blot, andhad to tear that sheet up; then I wrote another. Just a little word. I wasfrightened; I couldn't say loving things in a letter; I had not evenspoken many to him--yet. 

"I loved your note, " I began; "and I think Lady Merrenden is quite right. I will be here at twelve, and very pleased to see you. " I wanted to say Iloved him, and thought twelve o'clock a long way off, but of course onecould not write such things as that, so I ended with just, "Love from

 "EVANGELINE. "

Then I read it over, and it did sound "missish" and silly. However, withthe man waiting there in the passage, and Véronique fussing in and out ofmy bedroom, besides the waiters bringing up my dinner, I could not gotearing up sheets and writing others, it looked so flurried, so it was putinto an envelope. Then, in one of the seconds I was alone, I nipped off aviolet from a bunch on the table and pushed it in, too. I wonder if hewill think it sentimental of me! When I had written the name, I had not anidea where to address it. His was written from Carlton House Terrace, buthe was evidently not there now, as his servant had brought it. I felt sonervous and excited, it was too ridiculous--I am very calm as a rule. Icalled the man, and asked him where was his lordship now? I did not liketo say I was ignorant of where he lived. 

"His Lordship is at Vavasour House, madam, " he said, respectfully, butwith the faintest shade of surprise that I should not know. "His lordshipdines at home this evening with his grace. "

I scribbled a note to Lady Merrenden. I would be delighted to see her inthe morning at whatever time suited her. I would not go out at all, and Ithanked her. It was much easier to write sweet things to her than toRobert. 

When I was alone I could not eat. Véronique came in to try and persuademe. I looked so very pale, she said, she feared I had taken cold. She wasin one of her "old-mother" moods, when she drops the third personsometimes, and calls me "_mon enfant_. "

"Oh, Véronique, I have not got a cold; I am only wildly happy, " I said. 

"Mademoiselle is doubtless fiancée to Mr. Carruthers. _Oh, mon enfantadorée_, " she cried, "_que je suis contente!_"

"Gracious, no!" I exclaimed. This brought me back to Christopher with astart. What would he say when he heard?

"No, Véronique, to some one much nicer--Lord Robert Vavasour. "

Véronique was frightfully interested. Mr. Carruthers she would havepreferred, to me, she admitted, as being more solid, more "_rangé_, ""_plus à la fin de ses bêtises_, " but, no doubt, "milor" was charming too, and for certain one day mademoiselle would be duchess. In the meanwhilewhat kind of coronet would mademoiselle have on her trousseau?

I was obliged to explain that I should not have any, or any trousseau, foran indefinite time, as nothing was settled yet. This damped her a little. 

"_Un frère de duc, et pas de couronne!_" After seven years in England shewas yet unable to understand these strange habitudes, she said. 

She insisted upon putting me to bed directly after dinner, "to be prettierfor _milor demain_!" and then when she had tucked me up, and was turningout the light in the centre of the room, she looked back. "Mademoiselle istoo beautiful like that, " she said, as if it slipped from her. "_Mon Dieu!il ne s'embêterai pas, le monsieur!_"

 CLARIDGE'S, _Monday morning. _

I wonder how I lived before I met Robert. I wonder what use were the days. Oh, and I wonder, I wonder, if the duke continues to be obdurate about me, if I shall ever have the strength of mind to part from him so as not tospoil his future. 

Such a short time ago--not yet four weeks--since I was still at Branches, and wondering what made the clock go round, the great, big clock of life. 

Oh, now I know. It is being in love--frightfully in love, as we are. Imust try and keep my head, though, and remember all the remarks of LadyVer about things and men. Fighters all of them, and they must never feelquite sure. It will be dreadfully difficult to tease Robert, because he isso direct and simple, but I must try, I suppose. Perhaps being so verypretty as I am, and having all the male creatures looking at me withinterest, will do, and be enough to keep him worried, and I won't have tobe tiresome myself. I hope so, because I really do love him so extremely, I would like to let myself go, and be as sweet as I want to. 

I am doing all the things I thought perfectly silly to hear of before. Ikissed his letter, and slept with it on the pillow beside me, and thismorning woke at six, and turned on the electric light to read it again. The part where the "darlings" come is quite blurry, I see, indaylight--that is where I kissed most, I know. 

I seem to be numb to everything else. Whether Lady Ver is angry or notdoes not bother me. I did play fair. She could not expect me to go onpretending when Robert had said straight out he loved me. But I am sureshe will be angry, though, and probably rather spiteful about it. 

I will write her the simple truth in a day or two, when we see how thingsgo. She will guess by Robert not going to Sedgwick. 

 CLARIDGE'S

 _Monday afternoon. _

At half-past eleven this morning Lady Merrenden came, and the room was allfull of flowers that Robert had sent, bunches and bunches of violets andgardenias. She kissed me, and held me tight for a moment, and we did notspeak. Then she said, in a voice that trembled a little:

"Robert is so very dear to me--almost my own child--that I want him to behappy; and you, too, Evangeline--I may call you that, may not I?"

I squeezed her hand. 

"You are the echo of my youth, when I, too, knew the wild spring-time oflove. So, dear, I need not tell you that you may count upon my doing whatI can for you both. "

Then we talked and talked. 

"I must admit, " she said at last, "that I was prejudiced in your favor foryour dear father's sake, but in any case my opinion of Robert's judgmentis so high, I would have been prepared to find you charming, even withoutthat. He has the rarest qualities, he is the truest, most untarnishedsoul in this world. 

"I don't say, " she went on, "that he is not just as the other young men ofhis age and class; he is no Galahad, as no one can be with truth who ishuman and lives in the world. And I dare say kind friends will tell youstories of actresses and other diversions, but I who know him tell you, you have won the best and greatest darling in London. "

"Oh, I am sure of it, " I said. "I don't know why he loves me so much, hehas seen me so little; but it began from the very first minute, I think, with both of us. He is such a nice shape. "

She laughed. Then she asked me if she was right in supposing all these_contretemps_ we had had were the doing of Lady Ver. "You need not answer, dear, " she said. "I know Ianthe. She is in love with Robert herself; shecan't help it; she means no harm, but she often gets these attacks, andthey pass off. I think she is devoted to Sir Charles, really. "

"Yes, " I said. 

"It is a queer world we live in, child, " she continued, "and true love andsuitability of character are such a rare combination, but from what I canjudge, you and Robert possess them. "

"Oh, how dear of you to say so!" I exclaimed. 

"You don't think I _must_ be bad, then, because of my coloring?"

"What a ridiculous idea, you sweet child!" she laughed. "Who has told youthat!"

"Oh, Mrs. Carruthers always said so--and--and the old gentlemen, and--evenMr. Carruthers hinted I probably had some odd qualities. But you do thinkI shall be able to be fairly good--don't you?"

She was amused, I could see, but I was serious. 

"I think you probably might have been a little wicked if you had married aman like Mr. Carruthers, " she said, smiling, "but with Robert I am sureyou will be good. He will never leave you a moment, and he will love youso much you won't have time for anything else. "

"Oh, that is what I shall like--being loved, " I said. 

"I think all women like that, " she sighed. "We could all of us be good ifthe person we love went on being demonstrative. It is the cold, matter-of-fact devotion that kills love, and makes one want to lookelsewhere to find it again. "

Then we talked of possibilities about the duke. I told her I knew his_toquade_, and she, of course, was fully acquainted with mamma's history. 

"I must tell you, dear, I fear he will be difficult, " she said. "He is astrangely prejudiced person, and obstinate to a degree, and he worshipsRobert, as we all do. "

I would not ask her if the duke had taken a dislike to me, because I_knew_ he had. 

"I asked you to meet him on Saturday on purpose, " she continued. "I feltsure your charm would impress him, as it had done me, and as it did myhusband, but I wonder now if it would have been better to wait. He saidafter you were gone that you were much too beautiful for the peace of anyfamily, and he pitied Mr. Carruthers if he married you. I don't mean tohurt you, child; I am only telling you everything, so that we may consulthow best to act. "

"Yes, I know, " I said, and I squeezed her hand again; she does not put outclaws like Lady Ver. 

"How did he know anything about Mr. Carruthers"--I asked--"or me, oranything?" She looked ashamed. 

"One can never tell how he hears things. He was intensely interested tomeet you, and seemed to be acquainted with more of the affair than I am. Ialmost fear he must obtain his information from the servants. "

"Oh, does not that show the housemaid in him? Poor fellow!" I said. "Hecan't help it, then, any more than I could help crying yesterday beforeRobert in the park. Of course we would neither of us have done thesethings if it were not for the _tache_ in our backgrounds, only, fortunately for me, mine wasn't a housemaid, and was one generationfarther back, so I would not be likely to have any of those tricks. "

She leaned back in her chair and laughed. "You quaint, quaint child, Evangeline, " she said. 

Just then it was twelve o'clock, and Robert came in. 

Oh, talk of hearts beating! If mine is going to go on jumping like thisevery time Robert enters a room, I shall get a disease in it in less thana year. 

He looked too intensely attractive. He was not in London clothes; justserge things, and a guard's tie, and his face was beaming, and his eyesshining like blue stars. 

We behaved nicely--he only kissed my hand, and Lady Merrenden looked awayat the clock even for that. She has tact. 

"Isn't my Evangeline a darling, Aunt Sophia?" he said. "And don't you loveher red hair?"

"It is beautiful, " said Lady Merrenden. 

"When you leave us alone I am going to pull it all down"; and hewhispered, "Darling, I love you, " so close that his lips touched my ear, while he pretended he was not doing anything. I say, again, Robert hasways that would charm a stone image. 

"How was Torquilstone last night?" Lady Merrenden asked, "and did you tellhim anything?"

"Not a word, " said Robert. "I wanted to wait and consult you both whichwould be best. Shall I go to him at once, or shall he be made to meet myEvangeline again, and let her fascinate him, as she is bound to do, andthen tell him?"

"Oh, tell him straight!" I exclaimed, remembering his proclivities aboutthe servants and that Véronique knows. "Then he cannot ever say we havedeceived him. "

"That is how I feel, " said Robert. 

"You take Evangeline to lunch, Aunt Sophia, and I will go back and feedwith him, and tell him, and then come to you after. "

"Yes, that will be best, " she said, and it was settled that she shouldcome in again and fetch me in an hour, when Robert should leave to go toVavasour House. He went with her to the lift, and then he came back. 

No--even in this locked book I am not going to write of that hour--it wastoo divine. If I had thought just sitting in the park was heaven, I nowknow there are degrees of heaven, and that Robert is teaching me uptowards the seventh. 

 _Monday afternoon. _ (Continued. )

I forgot to say a note came from Christopher by this morning's post--itmade me laugh when I read it, then it went out of my head; but when LadyMerrenden returned for me, and we were more or less sane again--Robert andI--I thought of it; so apparently did he. "Did you by chance hear fromChristopher, whether he got your note last night or no?" he said. 

I went and fetched it from my bedroom when I put on my hat. Robert read italoud:

 "TRAVELLER'S CLUB

 "_Sunday night. _

 "'_Souvent femme varie--fol qui se fie!_' Hope you found your variation worth while!

 C. C. "

"What dam cheek!" he said, in his old way. He hasn't used any "ornamentsto conversation" since we have been--oh, I want to say it--engaged!

Then his eyes flashed. "Christopher had better be careful of himself! Hewill have to be answerable to me now. "

"Do be prudent, Evangeline dear, " Lady Merrenden said, gayly, "or you willhave Robert breaking the head of every man in the street who even glancesat you. He is frantically jealous. "

"Yes, I know I am, " said Robert, rearranging the tie on my blouse withthat air of _sans gêne_ and possession that pleases me so. 

I belong to him now, and if my tie isn't as he likes he has a perfectright to retie it, no matter who is there. That is his attitude--not the_least_ ceremony or stuff, everything perfectly simple and natural. 

It does make things agreeable. When I was, "Miss Travers" and he "LordRobert, " he was always respectful and unfamiliar--except that one nightwhen rage made him pinch my finger. But now that I am _his_ Evangeline andhe is _my_ Robert (thus he explained it to me in our paradise hour), I amhis queen and his darling, but at the same time his possession andbelonging, just the same as his watch or his coat--I adore it--and it doesnot make me the least "uppish, " as one might have thought. 

"Come, come, children, " Lady Merrenden said at last, "we shall all belate. "

So we started, dropping Robert at Vavasour House on our way. It is asplendid place, down one of those side streets looking on the Green Park, and has a small garden that side. I had never been down to the littlesquare where it is before, but, of course, every one can see its splendidfrontage from St. James's Park, though I had never realized it wasVavasour House. 

"Good luck!" whispered Lady Merrenden as Robert got out, and then we droveon. 

Several people were lunching at Carlton House Terrace: cabinet ministers, and a clever novelist, and the great portrait painter, besides two orthree charming women--one as pretty and smart as Lady Ver, but the othersmore ordinary looking, only so well mannered. No real frumps like theMontgomeries. We had a delightful lunch, and I tried to talk nicely and domy best to please my dear hostess. When they had all left I think we bothbegan to feel excited, and long apprehensively for the arrival of Robert. So we talked of the late guests. 

"It amuses my husband to see a number of different kinds of people, " shesaid; "but we had nothing very exciting to-day, I must confess, thoughsometimes the authors and authoresses bore me, and they are often verydisappointing--one does not any longer care to read their books afterseeing them. "

I said I could quite believe that. 

"I do not go in for budding geniuses, " she continued. "I prefer to waituntil they have arrived, no matter their origin; then they have acquired acertain outside behavior on the way up, and it does not _froissé_ one so. Merrenden is a great judge of human nature, and variety entertains him. Left to myself, I fear I should be quite contented with less gifted peoplewho were simply of one's own world. "

In all her talk one can see her thought and consideration for LordMerrenden and his wishes and tastes. 

"I always feel it is so cruel for him, our having no children, " she said. "The earldom becomes extinct, so I must make him as happy as I can. "

What a dear and just woman!

At last we spoke of Robert, and she told me stories of his boyhood, amusing Eton scrapes, and later feats. And how brave and splendid he hadbeen in the war; and how the people all adored him at Torquilstone; and ofhis popularity and influence with them. "You must make him go intoParliament, " she said. 

Then Robert came into the room. Oh, his darling face spoke, there was noneed for words. The duke, one could see, had been obdurate. 

"Well, " said Lady Merrenden. 

Robert came straight over to me and took my face in his two hands. "Darling, " he said, "before everything I want you to know I love youbetter than anything else in the world, and nothing will make anydifference, " and he kissed me deliberately before his aunt. His voice wasso moved, and we all felt a slight lump in our throats I know; then hestood in front of us, but he held my hand. 

"Torquilstone was horrid, I can see, " said Lady Merrenden. "What did hesay, Robert? Tell us everything. Evangeline would wish it too, I am sure, as well as I. "

Robert looked very pale and stern; one can see how firm his jaw is inreality, and how steady his dear, blue eyes. 

"I told him I loved Evangeline, whom I understood he had met yesterday, and that I intended to marry her. "

"And he said?" asked Lady Merrenden, breathless. 

I only held tighter Robert's hand. 

"He swore like a trooper, he thumped his glass down on the table andsmashed it--a disgusting exhibition of temper--I was ashamed of him. Thenhe said never, as long as he lived and could prevent it; that he had heardsomething of my infatuation, so as I am not given that way he had madeinquiries, and found the family was most unsatisfactory. Then he had comehere yesterday on purpose to see you--darling, " turning to me, "and thathe had judged for himself. The girl was a 'devilish beauty' (his words, not mine), with the naughtiest, provoking eyes, and a mouth--No, I can'tsay the rest, it makes me too mad, " and Robert's eyes flashed. 

Lady Merrenden rose from her seat and came and took my other hand. I feltas if I could not stand too tall and straight. 

"The long and short of it is, he has absolutely refused to have anythingto do with the matter, says I need expect nothing further from him, and wehave parted for good and all. "

"Oh, Robert!" It was almost a cry from Lady Merrenden. 

Robert put his arms round me, and his face changed to radiance. 

"Well, I don't care; what does it matter? A few places and thousands inthe dim future--the loss of them is nothing to me if I only have myEvangeline now. "

"But, Robert dearest, " Lady Merrenden said, "you can't possibly livewithout what he allows you--what have you of your own? About eighteenhundred a year, I suppose, and you know, darling boy, you are often indebt. Why, he paid five thousand for you as lately as last Easter. Oh, what is to be done?" and she clasped her hands. 

I felt as if turned to stone. Was all this divine happiness going to slipfrom my grasp? Yes, it looked like it, for I could never drag Robert intopoverty and spoil his great future. 

"He can't leave away Torquilstone, and those thousands of profitlessacres, " Lady Merrenden went on; "but, unfortunately, all the Londonproperty is at his disposition. Oh, I must go and talk to him!"

"No, " said Robert. "It would not be the least use, and would look as if wewere pleading. " His face had fallen to intense sadness as Lady Merrendenspoke of his money. 

"Darling, " he said, in a broken voice. "No, it is true it would not befair to make you a beggar. I should be a cad to ask you. We must think ofsome way of softening my brother after all. "

Then I spoke. 

"Robert, " I said, "if you were only John Smith I would say I wouldwillingly go and live with you in a cottage, or even in a slum; but youare not, and I would not for _anything in the world_ drag you down out ofwhat is your position in life. That would be a poor sort of love. Oh, mydear, " and I clasped tight his hand, "if everything fails, then we mustpart and you must forget me. "

He folded me in his arms, and we heard the door shut. Lady Merrenden hadleft us alone. Oh, it was anguish and divine bliss at the same time thenext half-hour. 

"I will never forget you, and never in this world will I take anotherwoman, I swear to God!" he said, at the end of it. "If we must part, thenlife is finished for me of all joy. "

"And for me, too, Robert!"

We said the most passionate vows of love to each other, but I will notwrite them here; there is another locked book where I keep them--the bookof my soul. 

"Would it be any good if Colonel Tom Carden went and spoke to him?" Iasked, presently. "He was best man at papa's wedding, and knows all thereis to be known of poor mamma; and do you think that as mamma's father wasLord de Brandreth--a very old barony I believe it is--oh, can it make anydifference to the children's actual breeding, their parents not havingbeen through the marriage ceremony? I--I--don't know much of that sort ofthings. "

"My sweet, " said Robert, and through all our sorrow he smiled and kissedme--"my sweet, sweet Evangeline. "

"But does the duke know all the details of the history?" I asked, when Icould speak; one can't when one is being kissed. 

"Every little bit, it seems. He says he will not discuss the matter ofthat--I must know it is quite enough, as I have always known his views;but if it was not sufficient, your wild, wicked beauty is. You would notbe faithful to me for a year, he said. I could hardly keep from killinghim when he hurled that at my head. "

I felt my temper rising. How frightfully unjust--how cruel! I went overand looked in the glass--a big mirror between the windows--drawing Robertwith me. 

"Oh, tell me, tell me, what is it? Am I so very bad looking? It is acurse, surely, that is upon me. "

"Of course you are not bad looking, my darling!" exclaimed Robert. "You are perfectly beautiful--a slender, stately, exquisitetiger-lily--only--only--you don't look cold--and it is just your red hair, and those fascinating green eyes, and your white, lovely skin and blackeyelashes that, that--Oh, you know, you sweetheart! You don't look likebread-and-butter, you are utterly desirable, and you would make any one'sheart beat. "

I thought of the night at "Carmen. "

"Yes, I am wicked, " I said; "but I never will be again--only just enoughto make you always love me, because Lady Ver says security makes yawns. But even wicked people can love with a great, great love, and that cankeep them good. Oh, if he only knew how utterly I love you, Robert, I amsure, sure, he would be kind to us!"

"Well, how shall we tell him?"

Then a thought came to me, and I felt all over a desperate thrill ofexcitement. 

"Will you do nothing until to-morrow?" I said. "I have an idea which Iwill tell to no one. Let us go back to Claridge's now, and do not come andsee me again until to-morrow at twelve. Then, if this has failed we willsay good-bye. It is a desperate chance. "

"And you won't tell me what it is?"

"No. Please trust me; it is my life as well as yours, remember. "

"My queen!" he said. "Yes, I will do that, or anything else you wish, only_never, never_ good-bye. I am a man, after all, and have numbers ofinfluential relations. I can do something else in life just be aGuardsman, and we shall get enough money to live quite happily on, thoughwe might not be very grand people. I will never say good-bye--do you hear?Promise me you will never say it, either. "

I was silent. 

"Evangeline, darling!" he cried in anguish, his eyebrows right up in theold way, while two big tears welled up in his beautiful eyes. "My God!won't you answer me?"

"Yes, I will, " I said, and I threw all my reserve to the winds, and flungmy arms round his neck, passionately. 

"I love you with my, heart and soul, and pray to God we shall never saygood-bye. "

When I got back to Claridge's, for the first time in my life I felt alittle faint. Lady Merrenden had driven me back herself, and left me withevery assurance of her devotion and affection for us. I had said good-byeto Robert for the day at Carlton House Terrace. 

They do not yet know me, either of them, quite; or what I can and willdo. 

 CLARIDGE'S

 _Monday night. _

I felt to carry out my plan I must steady my mind a little, so I wrote myjournal, and that calmed me. 

Of all the things I was sure of in the world, I was most sure that I lovedRobert far too well to injure his prospects. On the other hand, to throwhim away without a struggle was too cruel to both of us. If mamma's motherwas nobody, all the rest of my family were fine old fighters andgentlemen, and I really prayed to their shades to help me now. 

Then I rang and ordered some iced water, and when I had thought deeply fora few minutes while I sipped it, I sat down to my writing-table. My handdid not shake, though I felt at a deadly tension. I addressed the envelopefirst, to steady myself:

 "To "His Grace "The Duke of Torquilstone, "Vavasour House, "St. James's, S. W. "

Then I put that aside. 

"I am Evangeline Travers who writes, " I began, without any preface;"and I ask if you will see me--either here in my sitting-room thisevening, or I will come to you at Vavasour House. I understand yourbrother, Lord Robert, has told you that he loves me and wishes to marryme, and that you have refused your consent, partly because of thehistory of my family, but chiefly because my type displeases you. Ibelieve, in days gone by, the prerogative of a great noble like you wasto dispense justice. In my case it is still your prerogative bycourtesy, and I ask it of you. When we have talked for a little, if youthen hold to your opinion of me, and _convince me_ that it is for yourbrother's happiness, I swear to you on my word of honor I will never seehim again. "

 "Believe me, "Yours faithfully, "EVANGELINE TRAVERS. "

I put it hastily in the envelope and fastened it up. Then I rang the bell, and had it sent by a messenger in a cab, who was to wait for an answer. Oh, I wonder if in life I shall ever have to go through anothertwenty-five minutes like those that passed before the waiter brought anote up to me in reply. 

Even if the journal won't shut I must put it in:

 "VAVASOUR HOUSE, ST. JAMES'S

 "_November 28th. _ "DEAR MADAM, --

 "I have received your letter, and request you to excuse my calling upon you at your hotel this evening, as I am unwell; but if you will do me the honor to come to Vavasour House on receipt of this, I will discuss the matter in question with you, and trust you will believe that you may rely upon my _justice_. 

 "I remain, madam, "Yours truly, "TORQUILSTONE. "

"His grace's brougham is waiting below for you, madam, " the waiter said, and I flew to Véronique. 

I got her to dress me quickly. I wore the same things, exactly, as he hadseen me in before--deep mourning they are, and extremely becoming. 

In about ten minutes Véronique and I were seated in the brougham androlling on our way. I did not speak. 

I was evidently expected, for as the carriage stopped the great doors flewopen and I could see into the dim and splendid hall. 

A silver-haired, stately old servant led me along through a row ofpowdered footmen, down a passage all dimly lit with heavily shaded lights. (Véronique was left to their mercies. ) Then the old man opened a door, andwithout announcing my name, merely, "The lady, your grace, " he held thedoor, and then went out and closed it softly. 

It was a huge room splendidly panelled with dark, carved _boiserie_ LouisXV. , the most beautiful of its kind I had ever seen--only it was so dimlylit with the same shaded lamps one could hardly see into the corners. 

The duke was crouching in a chair and looked fearfully pale and ill, andhad an inscrutable expression on his face. Fancy a man so old-looking, andcrippled, being even Robert's half-brother. 

I came forward--he rose with difficulty, and this is the conversation wehad. 

"Please don't get up, " I said. "If I may sit down opposite you. "

"Excuse my want of politeness, " he said, pointing to a chair; "but my backis causing me great pain to-day. "

He looked such a poor, miserable, soured, unhappy creature, I could nothelp being touched. 

"Oh, I am so sorry!" I said. "If I had known you were ill I would not havetroubled you now. "

"Justice had better not wait, " he replied, with a whimsical, cynical, soursmile. "State your case. "

Then he suddenly turned on an electric lamp near me, which made a blaze oflight in my face. I did not jump, I am glad to say; I have pretty goodnerves. 

"My case is this: To begin with, I love your brother better than anythingelse in the world. "

"Possibly--a number of women have done so, " he interrupted. "Well?"

"And he loves me, " I continued, not noticing the interruption. 

"Agreed. It is a situation that happens every day among young fools. Youhave known each other about a month, I believe. "

"Under four weeks, " I corrected. 

He laughed--bitterly. 

"It cannot be of such vital importance to you, then, in that short time. "

"It is of vital importance to me, and you know your brother's character;you will be able to judge as well as I if, or not, it is a matter of vitalimportance to him. "

He frowned. "Well, your case?"

"First, to demand on what grounds you condemned me as a 'devilish beauty'?And why you assume that I should not be faithful to Robert for a year?"

"I am a rather good judge of character, " he said. 

"You cannot be, or you would see that whatever accident makes me have thisobjectionable outside, the me that lives within is an honest person whonever breaks her word. "

"I can only see red hair, and green eyes, and a general look of thedevil. "

"Would you wish people always to judge by appearances, then?" I said;"because, if so, I see before me a prejudiced, narrow-minded, cruel-tempered, cynical man--jealous of youth's joys. But _I_ would not beso unjust as to stamp you with these qualities because of that!"

He looked straight at me, startled. "I may be all these things, " he said. "You are probably right. "

"Then, oh, please don't be!" I went on quickly. "I want you to be kind tous. We--oh, we do, do so wish to be happy, and we are both so young, andlife will be so utterly blank and worthless for all those years to the endif you part us now. "

"I did not say I would part you, " he said, coldly. "I merely said Irefused to give Robert any allowance, and I shall leave everything in mypower away from the title. If you like to get married on those terms youare welcome to. "

Then I told him that I loved Robert far too much to like the thought ofspoiling his future. 

"We came into each other's lives, " I said. "We did not ask it of fate, shepushed us there, and I tried not to speak to him because I had promised afriend of mine I would not, as she said she liked him herself, and it madeus both dreadfully unhappy; and every day we mattered more to each otheruntil yesterday, when I thought he had gone away for good and I was toomiserable for words, we met in the park, and it was no use pretending anylonger. Oh, you _can't_ want to crush out all joy and life for us, justbecause I have red hair! It is so horribly unjust. "

"You beautiful siren!" he said. "You are coaxing me. How you know how touse your charms and your powers, and what _man_ could resist your temptingface!"

I rose in passionate scorn. 

"How dare you say such things to me!" I said. "I would not stoop to coaxyou. I will not again ask you for any boon. I only wanted you to do me thejustice of realizing you had made a mistake in my character--to do yourbrother the justice of conceding the point that he has some right to lovewhom he chooses. But keep your low thoughts to yourself--evil, cruel man!Robert and I have got something that is better than all your lands andmoney--a dear, great love, and I am glad--glad he will not in the futurereceive anything that is in your gift. I shall give him the gift ofmyself, and we shall do very well without you;" and I walked to the door, leaving him huddled in the chair. 

Thus ended our talk on justice. 

Never has my head been so up in the air. I am sure had Cleopatra beendragged to Rome in Augustus's triumph she would not have walked with morepride and contempt than I through the hall of Vavasour House. 

The old servant was waiting for me, and Véronique, and the brougham. 

"Call a hansom, if you please, " I said, and stood there like a statuewhile one of the footmen had to run into St. James's Street for it. 

Then we drove away, and I felt my teeth chatter while my cheeks burned. Oh, what an end to my scheme and my dreams of, perhaps, success!

But what a beast of a man! What a cruel, warped, miserable creature. Iwill not let him separate me from Robert--never, never! He is not worthit. I will wait for him--my darling--and if he really loves me, some daywe can be happy, and if he does not--but, oh, I need not fear. 

I am still shaking with passion, and shall go to bed. I do not want anydinner. 

 Tuesday morning, _November 29th. _

Véronique would not let me go to bed, she insisted upon my eating, andthen after dinner I sat in an old but lovely wrap of white crêpe, and shebrushed out my hair for more than an hour--there is such a tremendous lotof it, it takes time. 

I sat in front of the sitting-room fire and tried not to think. One doesfeel a wretch after a scene like that. At about half-past nine I heardnoises in the passage of people, and with only a preliminary tap Robertand Lady Merrenden came into the room. I started up, and Véronique droppedthe brush in her astonishment, and then left us alone. 

Both their eyes were shining and excited, and Robert looked crazy withjoy; he seized me in his arms, and kissed me, and kissed me, while LadyMerrenden said, "You darling Evangeline! you plucky, clever girl! Tell usall about it!"

"About what?" I said, as soon as I could speak. 

"How you managed it. "

"Oh, I must kiss her first, Aunt Sophia!" said Robert. "Did you ever seeanything so divinely lovely as she looks with her hair all floating likethis, and it is all mine, every bit of it!"

"Yes, it is, " I said, sadly, "and that is about all of value you willget. "

"Come and sit down, " said Robert, "Evangeline, you darling--and look atthis. "

Upon which he drew from his pocket a note. I saw at once it was the duke'swriting, and I shivered with excitement. He held it before my eyes. 

"Dear Robert, " it began. "I have seen her. I am conquered. She will make amagnificent duchess. Bring her to lunch to-morrow. Yours, TORQUILSTONE. "

I really felt so intensely moved I could not speak. 

"Oh, tell us, dear child, how did it happen, and what did you do, andwhere did you meet!" said Lady Merrenden. 

Robert held my hand. 

Then I tried to tell them as well as I could, and they listenedbreathlessly. "I was very rude, I fear, " I ended with, "but I was soangry. "

"It is glorious, " said Robert. "But the best part is that you intended togive me yourself with no prospect of riches. Oh, darling, that is the bestgift of all!"

"Was it disgustingly selfish of me?" I said. "But when I saw your poorbrother so unhappy-looking, and soured, and unkind, with all hisgrandeur, I felt that to us, who know what love means, to be together wasthe thing that matters most in all the world. "

Lady Merrenden then said she knew some people staying here who had anapartment on the first floor, and she would go down and see if they werevisible. She would wait for Robert in the hall, she said, and she kissedus good-night and gave us her blessing. 

What a dear she is! What a nice pet, to leave us alone!

Robert and I passed another hour of bliss, and I think we must have got tothe sixth heaven by now--Robert says the seventh is for the end, when weare married. Well, that will be soon. Oh, I am too happy to writecoherently!

I did not wake till late this morning, and Véronique came and said mysitting-room was again full of flowers. The darling Robert is!

I wrote to Christopher and Lady Ver in bed, as I sipped my chocolate. Ijust told Lady Ver the truth, that Robert and I had met by chance anddiscovered we loved each other, so I knew she would understand, and Ipromised I would not break his heart. Then I thanked her for all herkindness to me, but I felt sad when I read it over; poor, dear LadyVer--how I hope it won't really hurt her, and that she will forgive me!

To Christopher I said I had found my "variation" worth while, and I hopedhe would come to my wedding some day soon. 

Then I sent Véronique to post them both. 

To-day I am moving to Carlton House Terrace. What a delight that will be!and in a fortnight--or at best three weeks--Robert says we shall quietlygo and get married, and Colonel Tom Carden can give me away after all. 

Oh, the joy of the dear, beautiful world, and this sweet, dirty, entrancing, fog-bound London! I love it all--even the smuts!

 CARLTON HOUSE TERRACE, _Thursday night. _

Robert came to see me at twelve, and he brought me the loveliest, splendiddiamond and emerald ring, and I danced about like a child with delightover it. He has the most exquisite sentiment, Robert--every little triflehas some delicate meaning, and he makes me _feel_ and _feel_. 

Each hour we spend together we seem to discover some new bit of us whichis just what the other wants. And he is so deliciously jealous andmasterful and--oh, I love him--so there it is!

I am learning a lot of things, and I am sure there are lots to learnstill. 

At half-past one Lady Merrenden came and fetched us in the barouche, andoff we went to Vavasour House, with what different feelings to lastevening!

The pompous servants received us in state, and we all three walked on tothe duke's room. 

There he was, still huddled in his chair, but he got up--he is betterto-day. 

Lady Merrenden went over and kissed him. 

"Dear Torquilstone, " she said. 

"Morning, Robert, " he mumbled, after he had greeted his aunt. "Introduceme to your fiancée. "

And Robert did, with great ceremony. 

"Now, I won't call you names any more, " I said, and I laughed in his face. He bent down and kissed my forehead. 

"You are a beautiful tiger-cat, " he said; "but even a year of you would bewell worth while. "

Upon which Robert glared, and I laughed again, and we all went in tolunch. 

He is not so bad, the duke, after all. 

 CARLTON HOUSE TERRACE, _December 21st. _

Oh, it is three weeks since I wrote, but I have been too busy and toohappy for journals. I have been here ever since, getting my trousseau, and Véronique is becoming used to the fact that I can have no coroneton my lingerie. 

It is the loveliest thing in the world being engaged to Robert. 

He has ways! Well, even if I really were as bad as I suppose I look, Icould never want any one else. He worships me, and lets me order himabout, and then he orders me about, and that makes me have the loveliestthrills. And if any one even looks at me in the street--which of coursethey always do--he flashes blue fire at them, and I feel--oh, I feel, allthe time!

Lady Merrenden continues her sweet kindness to us, and her tact is beyondwords, and now I often do what I used to wish to--that is, touch Robert'seyelashes with the tips of my fingers. 

It is perfectly lovely. 

Oh, what in the world is the good of anything else in life but beingfrantically in love as we are!

It all seems, to look back upon, as if it were like having porridge forbreakfast, and nothing else every day, before I met Robert. 

Perhaps it is because he is going to be very grand in the future, butevery one has discovered I am a beauty, and intelligent. It is much nicerto be thought that than just to be a red-haired adventuress. 

Lady Katherine, even, has sent me a cairngorm brooch and a cordial letter. (I should now adorn her circle!)

But oh, what do they all matter--what does anything matter but Robert! Allday long I know I am learning the meaning of "to dance and to sing and tolaugh and _to live_. "

The duke and I are great friends. He has ferreted out about mamma'smother, and it appears she was a Venetian music-mistress of the name ofTonquini, or something like that, who taught Lord de Brandreth'ssisters--so perhaps Lady Ver was right after all, and far, far back insome other life I was the friend of a Doge. 

Poor, dear Lady Ver! She has taken it very well after the first spitefulletter, and now I don't think there is even a tear at the corner of hereye. 

Lady Merrenden says it is just the time of the year when she usually getsa new one, so perhaps she has now, and so that is all right. 

The diamond serpent she has given me has emerald eyes--and such a pointedtongue. 

"It is like you, snake-girl, " she said; "so wear it at your wedding. "

The three angels are to be my only bridesmaids. 

Robert loads me with gifts, and the duke is going to let me wear all theTorquilstone jewels when I am married, besides the emeralds he has givenme himself. I really love him. 

Christopher sent me this characteristic note with the earrings which arehis gift, great big emeralds set with diamonds:

 "So sorry I shall not see you on the happy day, but Paris, I am fortunate enough to discover, still has joys for me. 

 "C. C. 

 "Wear them; they will match your eyes. "

And to-morrow is my wedding-day, and I am going away on a honeymoon withRobert--away into the seventh heaven. And oh, and oh, I am certain, _sure_, neither of us will yawn!

 THE END