OUT OF THE FOG A Story of the Sea C. K. OBER Introduction By Dr. Wilfred T. Grenfell FOREWORD Since I am permitted to consider myself in some way responsible for thisnarrative's being put on record, it is with the very heartiest good willthat I accept the publishers' kind invitation to write a brief forewordto it. I have, during twenty years, been working against a problem that Irecognized called for all--yes, and more, than--I had to give it. For Ihave been endeavoring, through my own imperfect attainments, totranslate into undeniable language on the Labrador Coast, the message ofGod's personal fatherhood over and love for the humblest of Hiscreatures. During these years, often of overwork, I have considered itworth while to lay aside time and energy and strength to improve thecharting and pilot directions of our devious and sometimes dangerouswaterways. How much more gladly shall I naturally avail myself of any chance bywhich to contribute to the knowledge of that seemingly ever evasivepathway leading to that which to me is the supreme motive power of humanlife--faith in the divine Redeemer and Master. The best helps to reachthe haven we are in search of, over the unblazed trails of Labrador, areever the tracks of those who have found the way before us. Just such tome is this simple and delightful story of Mr. Ober's. It has my mosthearty prayers for its unprecedented circulation. WILFRED T. GRENFELL. [Illustration] OLD SALTS The lure of the sea prevailed, and at nineteen I shipped for afour-months' fishing trip on the Newfoundland Banks. These banks are notthe kind that slope toward some gentle stream where the weary fishermancan rest between bites, protected from the sun by the shade of anoverhanging tree; they are thirty to forty fathoms beneath the surfaceof the Atlantic Ocean, a thousand miles out from the Massachusettscoast. The life that had long appealed to my imagination now came in with ashock and a realism that was in part a disillusionment and in part anintense satisfaction of some of my primal instincts and cravings. Oldsalts are more picturesque and companionable spinning yarns about thestove in a shoemaker's shop than they are when one is obliged to live, eat and sleep with them for four months in the crowded forecastle of afishing schooner. An ocean storm is a sublime spectacle, witnessed froma position of safety on the land; but a storm on the ocean, experiencedin its very vortex from the deck of a tiny fishing boat, is thrillingbeyond description. "Ships that pass in the night" make interestingreading; but if they pass near you, in a foggy night, on the Banks, theyare better than the muezzin of the Moslem in reminding a man that it istime to pray. I recall with vividness the scene on such a night, andstill feel the compelling power of the panic in the voice of themild-mannered old sea dog on anchor watch, as he yelled down thecompanionway, "All hands on deck. " In six seconds we were all there; andthere was the great hulk of a two-thousand-ton ship looming up out ofthe night. She had evidently sighted our little craft just in time tochange her course, and was passing us with not more than a hundred andfifty feet to spare. I can see them tonight, as they vanished into thefog--three men and a big Newfoundland dog, looking over the rail anddown on us who, a moment before, were about to die. Storm, fog, icebergs, cold, exposure, the alert and strenuous life, withhis own life the forfeit of failure, are a part of the normal experienceof a deep sea fisherman. Two members of our crew were father and son, Uncle Ike Patch and his son, Frank. The old man had been a fisherman inhis youth, but had been on shore for thirty years. When we were makingup our crew, Frank caught the fishing fever and wanted to go, and hisfather decided to go along with him. They were out in their dory, onefoggy day, and when the boats came back to the vessel from hauling theirtrawls, Uncle Ike and Frank were missing. We rang the bell, fired oursmall cannon, shouted and sent boats out after them. As night came on, we were huddled together in the forecastle, wondering about their fate, while the old fishermen told stories of the fog and its fearful toll ofhuman life. It seemed a terrible thing for the old man and his boy to beout there, drifting no one knew where; and though we were accustomed todanger, there was a gloomy crew and little sleep on our schooner thatnight. In the morning the weather cleared and soon our missing boat camealongside; we received them as men alive from the dead. They had foundshelter on another fishing vessel that happened to be lying at anchornot more than two or three miles away. There was reason for our solicitude, for we knew very well that a largeproportion of the men who get adrift in the fog are never found alive. Shortly before this experience we had spoken a Gloucester vessel andlearned that her crew had picked up, a short time before, one of theboats of a Provincetown schooner that had been adrift four days. One ofthe two men was dead and the other insane. Each day brought its owndangers, which the fishermen met as part of the day's work, thinkinglittle of them when they were past, and ready for whatever another daymight bring. But four months is a long time to be out of sight of land, on a freshfish and "salt hoss" diet, with molasses instead of sugar in your tea, and fresh water too much needed for drinking purposes to waste inpersonal ablutions. We all swore that we would never go to sea again;and when, after gliding into harbor in the night, we looked, one clearSeptember morning, on the seemingly unnatural green of the grass andtrees of the old North Shore, I said to myself, "This is God's country, if there ever was one, and I, for one, will never get out of sight of itagain. " But I had tasted fog and brine, and the "landlubber's" lot was toomonotonously tame for me. The next spring saw me on the deck of the sameschooner headed for the Newfoundland Banks, the home of the codfish andthe fog. A seafaring ancestry and a boyhood spent within sound of the surfdoubtless had much to do with my love of the salt water. My grandfatherwas one of six brothers who were sea captains, and our family had clungto the North Shore of Massachusetts Bay almost since the first whitesettler had moored his bark in that vicinity, more than two hundredyears before. My boyhood home was originally a fishing town, since changed tomanufacturing, and was fragrant with traditions of the sea. Many of theneighborhood homes in which I visited as a boy had souvenirs of theocean displayed on the mantelpiece or on the everlasting solitude of theparlor table. There were great conch shells that a boy could put to hisear and hear the surf roaring on the beaches from which they had beentaken; articles made of sandalwood; curiously wrought things underglass; miniature pagodas; silk scarfs; bow-legged idols; and a wonderfulmodel of the good ship Dolphin, or of some other equally staunch craft, in which the breadwinner, father or son, had sailed on some eventfulvoyage. These had all been "brought from over sea, " I was told, and thisgave me the impression that "over sea" must be a very rich andinteresting place. But the souvenirs of the sea were not as interesting to me as itssurvivors. We had in our town, and especially in our end of it, whichwas called "the Cove, " a choice assortment of old sea dogs who hadsailed every sea, in every clime--had seen the world, in fact, and werenot averse, under the stimulus of good listeners, to telling all theyknew about it and sometimes a little more. Scattered through the Cove were many little shoemakers' shops, intowhich, especially in the long winter evenings, these old salts woulddrift. There around the little cylinder stove, with its leather-chipfire, leaking a fragrance the memory of which makes me homesick as Iwrite about it, they would swap their stories of the sea, many of whichhad originally been based on fact. These old derelicts--and some of the younger seafaring men--were betterthan dime novels to us boys, for we could always question them and drawout another story. Some of them were unconscious heroes who had oftenrisked their lives for their comrades and the vessel owners; and for thesupport and comfort of their families no dangers or hardships had seemedtoo great to be undertaken or endured. We boys held these old salts inhigh esteem, and never forgot to give to each his appropriate title of"Captain" or "Skipper, " as the case might be. We also occasionally hadsome fun with them. We never thought of any of them as bad men, though some of them, bytheir own testimony, had lived wild and reckless lives. One or two, according to persistent rumor, had carried out cargoes of New Englandrum and brought back shiploads of "black ivory" from the West coast ofAfrica. Not a few of them were picturesquely profane. Old Skipper TomBowman had a very original oath, "tender-eyed Satan!" which he must havehad copyrighted, as he was the only one that I ever heard use it. Weboys would sometimes bait him, provoking him to exasperation, that wemight hear it in all its original force and fervor. [Illustration: Old Salts Are More Picturesque and Companionable SpinningYarns about the Stove in a Shoemaker's Shop than when One Is Obliged toLive, Eat and Sleep with Them] We knew his habits well. He eked out a scanty sustenance by fishing offthe shore and would frequently come in on the ebb tide and leave hisboat half way up the beach, going home to dinner and returning when theflood tide had about reached his boat, to bring it up to its moorings. So one day we dug a "honey pot" by the side of his boat, at the veryspot where we knew he would approach it, covered it over with dryseaweed and about the time he was due we were lying out of sight, butwithin earshot, behind the rocks. He drifted down, at peace with all theworld, went in over the tops of his rubber boots, and then, for oneblissful moment, we had our reward. Some of these old salts were so thoroughly salted, being drenched withthe brine of many stormy voyages, that they kept in good condition wellbeyond their allotted time of three score years and ten. Some were ofuncertain age, but were evidently well beyond the century mark, asproved by the aggregate time consumed on their many voyages, the storiesof which they had reiterated with such convincing detail. One of these, Captain Sam Morris, was patiently stalked by the boysthrough a long season of yarn spinning, careful tally being kept. Whenthe tale was complete, the boys closed in on him. "How old are you, Captain Sam?" "Oh, I dunno, I ain't kep' count. " "Are you seventy?" "I swan! I dunno. " "Well, you were on the Old Dove with Skipper Jimmie Stone, weren't you?" "Sartin. " "You were on the Constitution, when she fought the Guerriere, weren'tyou?" How could he deny it? "Well, weren't you with Captain Lovett on four of his three-year tradingvoyages to Australia and China?" "Course I was. " "How about those trips 'round the Horn, on the clipper ship 'Mary Jane'from '49 to '55?" "I was thar. " They kept relentlessly on down the list, and then showedhim the tally. Allowing for infancy, an abbreviated boyhood on land, andthe time they had known him since he had quit the sea, he was onehundred and thirty-five years old. The showing did not disconcert him, however. He was interested, but he had told those stories so often andhad come to believe each of them so implicitly that he could not doubtthem in the aggregate. He simply exclaimed: "Well, I'll be darned! Ifeel like a young chap o' sixty. " But while some of these old sailors liked to "spin yarns" and some hadtheir frailties, they were, as a rule, strong characters, rugged, honest, courageous, unselfish--real men, in fact, whose sterlingqualities stood out in strong contrast against the unreality of manytimid and non-effective lives about them. It was not their romancing, but their reality, and the achieving power of their lives that appealedto me as a boy, and I was drawn to the kind of life that had helped toproduce such men. Then, too, the ocean itself, with its immensity, its mystery, its moods, the danger in it, and the man's work in mastering it, was almostirresistibly attractive to me. On graduating from high school I declined my father's offer to send meto college, thinking that the life I had in view did not require acollege education. Then he made me a very attractive businessproposition, but it looked to me like slavery, and what I wanted mostwas freedom. My father and mother were both Christians, but I had becomeskeptical, profane and reckless of public opinion. I had left home for aboarding house in the same town at eighteen, and at nineteen I hadslipped the moorings and was heading out to sea. ADRIFT My second trip to the Banks was made in response to the same kind ofimpulse as that which drives the nomad out of his winter quarters in thespringtime or brings the wild geese back to their summer feedinggrounds. To one who really loves the ocean, the return to it after aperiod of exile on the land, is an indescribable satisfaction. There wasat least one of our crew who experienced this emotion as our staunchlittle craft turned her nose to the blue water, and with all sail setand lee rail almost under water, leaped away from the petty restrictionsof the shore into the practically limitless expanse of the Atlantic. Ina week we were on the fishing ground and sentiment gave way to business. Our schooner was a trawler, equipped with six dories and a crew offifteen, including the skipper, the cook, the boy and two men for eachboat. Each trawl had a thousand hooks, a strong ground line six thousandfeet long, with a smaller line two and a half feet in length, with hookattached, at every fathom. These hooks were baited and the trawl was seteach night. The six trawls stretched away from the vessel like thespokes from the hub of a wheel, the buoy marking the outer anchor ofeach trawl being over a mile away. I was captain of a dory this year, passing as a seasoned fisherman with my experience of the year before. My helper or "bow-man" was John Hogan, a young Irishman about my ownage, red-headed, but green at the fishing business. John's mother kept alittle oasis for thirsty neighbors, in a city adjacent to my home town, and his father was a man of unsteady habits. But John was a good fellow, active and willing, and, though he had not inherited a ruggedconstitution, he could pull a good steady stroke. Soon after we reached the Banks, a storm swept our decks and nearlycarried away our boats. As a result, the dories, particularly my own, were severely strained and leaked badly. For two weeks, however, we hadno fog, but on the morning of the second of June, just as we went overthe schooner's side and shaped our course for our outer buoy, a bank offog with an edge as perpendicular as the side of a house moved down onus like a great glacier, though much more rapidly, shutting us in andeverything else out from sight. It was ugly and thick, as if all the fogfactories from Grand Manan to Labrador had been working overtime for thetwo weeks before and had sent their whole output in one consignment. Wehad just passed our inner buoy when the fog struck us, but we kept onfor the outer buoy, as was customary in foggy weather, since it wassafer to get that and pull in toward the vessel, rather than take theinner buoy, pull out, and find ourselves with a boatload of fish andugly weather over a mile from the vessel. We had our bearings, I hadoften found the buoy in the fog and believed that we could do it again. We kept on rowing and knew when we had rowed far enough, though we hadnot counted the strokes; but we found nothing. "Guess we have drifted too far to leeward; pull up to windward a little. That's strange, we must have passed it, this blamed fog is so thick. What's that over there?" We zigzagged back and forth for some time andthen realized that we had missed it and must go back to the vessel andget our inner buoy. This seemed easy, but we found that it is asimportant to have a point of departure as it is to have a destination, and not knowing just where we were we could not head our boat to wherethe vessel was. We shouted, and listened, rowed this way and that waybut not a sound came to us through the fog, although we knew that theboy must be at his post ringing the bell, so that the boats could harktheir way back to the vessel. I learned afterward that the tide thatmorning was exceptionally strong. I had noted its direction and madeallowance for it, before leaving the schooner, but we were where theGulf Stream and the Arctic Current are not very far apart and theresulting tides are strong and changeable. We were in the grip of twogreat elemental and relentless forces, the impenetrable fog, cutting offall our communications, and the strong ocean current sweeping us awayinto the uninhabited waste of waters. From my experience of the yearbefore, I knew what it meant to be lost in the fog on the Banks, practically in mid-ocean; I understood that if the fog lasted for a weekor ten days as it sometimes did, especially at that season of the year, it was a fight for our lives. I soon realized that we were lost and thatthe fight was on. We were certainly stripped for it, without impedimenta, no anchor, compass, provisions, water, no means of catching fish or fowl, and withrather light clothing, as we were dressed for work and not forprotection against cold. But youth is optimistic and claims what iscoming to it, with a margin for luck, and we started on our new voyageof discovery with good courage and a cheerful disregard of thehardships, dangers and possible death in the fog, with which and intowhich we were drifting. It would not be strictly accurate to say that we saw nothing during allthe time we were adrift, but the things we saw were of the same stuffthat the fog was made of. Early in the first day I saw a sail dimlyoutlined in the misty air. I called John's attention to it with a shout, and he saw it too, but, as we rowed toward it, the sail retreated andthen disappeared. We thought that this was strange, for the wind was notstrong enough to take a vessel away from us faster than we could row, and we were near enough to make ourselves heard. Soon, the sail appearedagain, and again we shouted and rowed toward it, and again it glidedaway from us and disappeared, and again, and again, through theseemingly endless procession of the slow-moving hours of that first day, we chased the phantom ship. When night came on, there came with it a deepening sense of lonelinessand isolation. The night was also very cold, the chill penetrated ourthin clothing, and we were compelled to row the boat to keep ourselves, not warm, but a little less cold. The icebergs coming down on the ArcticCurrent hold the season back, and early June on the Banks is much likeApril on the Massachusetts coast. We tried to sleep lying down in thebottom of the boat with our heads in a trawl tub, but we were stiff withcold, the boat leaked badly, and it was necessary to get up frequentlyand bail out the water. The thought also that we might drift withinsight or sound of a vessel, or within sight of a trawl buoy, made usafraid to sleep. The night finally wore away, the second day and night were like thefirst, the third like the first and second and the fourth day likeanother "cycle of Cathay. " These four days and nights were like solitaryconfinement to the prisoner, the grim monotony and lack of incidentcontributing to the cumulative effect and accentuating the sense ofhelplessness and isolation. There was nothing to relieve the situation. We were like an army lying in trenches in the face of the enemy, waitingfor the enemy's move. The fourth night we were startled by the sound of the fog horn of asailing vessel. The wind was blowing almost a gale. We listened to getthe direction, then sprang to the oars and rowed hard to intercept her, shouting, listening, rowing with all our strength, and willing, if needbe, to be run down, in the chance of being seen and rescued. The hornfinally sounded so near that it seemed that we could almost see thevessel, and we felt sure that they could hear our call. But our heartssank as the sounds grew fainter and soon we were alone again with thewind and fog. The fifth day we heard the whistle of an ocean steamship. "We can surely head this one off, " we thought, but she quickly passedus, too far away to see or hear. It was a bitter disappointment as thisfloating hotel, full of warmth, food, water, shelter and companionship, for the lack of each and all of which we were perishing, rushed by, sonear, yet unconscious and unheeding, in too great a hurry to stop andlisten to our cry for help. I have thought of this since, as I havehurried along with the crowd in the street of a great city and wondered, if we stopped to listen, what cry might come to us out of the deep. The fifth night the sea was running high. We were drifting with a trawltub fastened to the "painter" as a drag to keep the boat headed to thewind, when it began to rain. I spread my oil jacket to catch the water, and we waited until we could collect enough for a drink, watching thedrops eagerly, as we had tasted neither food nor water since leaving thevessel five days before. Just as we were about to drink, however, ourboat shipped a sea, filling the oil jacket with salt water, and therewas no more rain. Every day we passed great flocks of sea fowl floating on the water, coming frequently almost within an oar's length, but always just out ofreach. We were in worse condition than the Ancient Mariner, with food aswell as water everywhere about us, and not a morsel or a drop to eat ordrink. Thirst is harder to endure than hunger, and yet hunger finallywakes up the wolf; and the time comes when even the thought ofcannibalism can be entertained without horror. About this time Johnasked me, "Well, what do you think?" "Oh, " I said, "I think that one of us will come out of it all right. " He started, as if he thought that I had premature designs on him. "You need not be afraid, " I said, "I'll not take advantage of you. " He knew that I was the stronger and perhaps thought that if I felt as hedid, his chances were very small. The sixth day, John seemed like a man overwhelmed with the horror of asituation that had gotten beyond his control. He cowered at the oppositeend of the boat and had said nothing for a long time. Finally he openeda conversation with a person of whose presence I had not been conscious. "Jim, " he said, "come, give me a piece. " "Jim who?" I asked. "Piece of what? Where is he?" "Jim Woodbury, " he answered, "don't you see him? There he is, hidingunder that oil jacket. He's been there over half an hour, eating pie, and he won't give me any. " I tried to laugh him out of his delusion, but the thing was real to him. Soon he jumped up and said: "I'm going on board; I'm tired of stayingout here. " "How will you get there?" I asked. "Walk, " he answered, "the water ain't deep, " and he started to getoverboard. I caught him and pulled him back into the boat, not any too soon, for ifhe had gone overboard, the sharks would probably have gotten him, forthey were not very far away. Every now and then I had seen their finscutting the surface of the water, as they patrolled back and forth, waiting their time, or ours, as if they knew that it was only a questionof time. Soon John started again to get overboard. This time I punishedhim so severely that he did not try it again. After that, I had to keepmy eye on him constantly. His ravings about food were not particularlysoothing to my feelings, for I was as hungry as he, only not sodemonstrative about it. The seventh day drifted slowly by and the fog still held us captive. Fora week we had had no food, no water, and scarcely any sleep; having ourboots on continuously stopped the circulation in our feet with the sameeffect as if they had been frozen; we were chilled to the bone; my boatmate was insane. Since the whistle of the steamship had died away in thedistance, two days before, no sound had come to us out of the fog butthe voices of the wind and the swash of the waves. I knew the chart ofthe Banks and had a general idea as to where we were. There is a greatbarren tract on the Banks where few fish are found and fishermen seldomgo, and we had drifted into this man-forsaken place. I had almost said"God-forsaken" too, but something began to shape itself in my mind aboutthat time, that makes it difficult for me now to say this. Rather, as Ilook back on our experience, I feel more like claiming fellowship withthe "wanderer" who called the place of his hardship "Bethel" because itwas there, at the end of self and of favoring conditions, that he foundGod. THE PILOT I was near "the end of my rope"--I was not frightened, or discouraged;my mind was perfectly clear; I was not stampeded. Of course, I hadthought of God and of prayer, but I was a skeptic, as I supposed, andconsidered both not proven. But the steady contemplation of theprobability of death, for seven successive days, under conditions thatcompelled candor, raised questions that skepticism could not answer, andgave to my questions answers that skepticism could not refute. Therecomes a time, under such conditions, when common sense asserts itselfand sophistry fails to satisfy. Since I made this discovery in mypersonal experience, I have learned that my case was not peculiar, butin keeping with a general law in human experience, long understood andadmirably stated in the 107th Psalm. Such words as these have come "outof the depths" and it is sometimes necessary to go down into the depthsto prove them to be true. "They wandered. .. . In a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in. Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them. Then they cried unto theLord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses, and he led them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city ofhabitation. .. . Such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, beingbound in affliction and iron; because they rebelled against the words ofGod, and contemned the counsel of the Most High: therefore he broughtdown their heart with labor; they fell down and there was none to help. Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them out oftheir distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow ofdeath, and brake their bands in sunder. .. .. They that go down to the seain ships, that do business in great waters; these see the works of theLord, and his wonders in the deep. For he commandeth, and raiseth thestormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof. They mount up to theheaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted becauseof trouble. .. They are at their wits' end. Then they cry unto the Lordin their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. Hemaketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then arethey glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desiredhaven. " I had drifted into the "secret place, " the door was shut, and it was theright time and place for me to pray. I saw that my life had been afailure, that I was absolutely worthless, and that, if death came then, there was not one good thing that I had ever done that would survive. Infact, I could think of nothing in my life that was worth remembering. Iwas not so much concerned about my own salvation as for another chanceto live and to do an unselfish work in the world. And so I did what Ithought then (and think still) was the only sane thing to do, I signaledfor the Pilot. That night the rain came. I spread my oil jacket and caught an abundanceof water of which we drank deeply. With this refreshment came new hopeand new courage for the final struggle, if safety could be gained thatway. I reviewed the situation and considered one by one the possiblecourses we might take. We seemed to be shut in to three things. Thefirst possibility was to row to land; but the nearest land, theNewfoundland coast, was nearly three hundred miles away, and I decidedthat we did not have the time or the strength to reach it. The secondpossibility was to be picked up by a passing vessel; but this did notlook encouraging, for two had already passed us. The third and last hopewas to find a fishing vessel at anchor, and within a reasonabledistance. This last possibility seemed almost probable. But _how_probable? Possibly within ten miles, probably within twenty-five, certainly within _fifty_, some fishermen were plying their trade, but _where_? There are thirty-two points of the compass, and bydeviating one point at the center, a distance of fifty miles would bringus ten miles out of the way at the circumference. We could row fiftymiles, but we cannot take chances. Yet there is a snug little fishingcraft out there on the rim of the circle, waiting for us to find her!But _which way_ shall we go? I finally decided that this was aproblem for the Pilot, and I left it with Him, satisfied that Heunderstood His business and that if He had any orders for me, He knewhow to communicate them. The eighth day came, and with it came an impulse to row the boat in acertain direction. This impulse was not unlike the thousands that hadcome to me before. There was nothing about it to indicate that itssource was any higher than my own imagination. If this was a voice fromabove the fog, it was certainly a still, small one. It was unheeded atfirst, not unrecognized. Reason said that to conserve our strength weshould sit still and wait for the lifting of the fog. Fear whisperedthat if I obeyed the impulse, we might be rowing directly away fromsafety. But the impulse persisted and prevailed. "Get up, John, " I said, "we have a day's work ahead of us. We are goingto row off in this direction. " John responded automatically, fear acting in place of reason, but he wassoon exhausted and lay down again. I kept on, however, resting now andthen, and returning to the oars with the thought that fifty miles was along distance and that we had a very small margin of time to our credit. Our course was with the wind, and nature worked with us all that eighthday and on into the night, as the pressure on me drove us toward ourgoal. About the middle of the eighth night I realized that I had reached thelimit of my fighting strength. John was in worse condition than I, for Istill had hope, but my hope was not in myself. Then I talked thesituation over with the Pilot. We had nowhere else to go; we had come asfar as we could; our time was nearly up--what of the night? and what ofthe morning? John was asleep; the world was a long way off: the sea andthe mist seemed to have rolled over us and to have buried us tenthousand fathoms deep. But "out of the depths I cried, " and I found thecommunication open. Between midnight and dawn the fog lifted and from the overhanging cloudsthe rain fell gently through the remainder of the night. John lay in hisend of the boat, but I sat watching. Finally, as if in response to somesecret signal, the darkness began its inevitable retreat and, as thenight horizon receded, out of the gray of the morning, growing more andmore distinct as the shadows fell away, appeared a dark object less thantwo miles distant, nebulous at first, then unmistakable in itscharacter. It was a solitary fishing vessel lying at anchor, towardwhich we had been rowing and drifting unerringly all through the nightand the day before. There it was! only a clumsy old fisherman, but it was the best thing inall the world to us, and it was anchored and could not get away! I do not recall the experience of any tumultuous emotion as thismessenger of hope appeared on our horizon, but we knew that we weresafe. How easy it is to write this simple word of four letters! but, torealize it, one must have a background of despair. Since that morning, the words "safe, " "safety, " "salvation, " have always come to mefreighted with reality. It is doubtful if any of the vessel's crew had seen our boat, as it wasscarcely daylight and such a small object lying close to the water wouldnot be readily discernible. I had thought, a few hours before, that mystrength was entirely exhausted, but the sight of the vessel called outa reserve sufficient for the final effort. As I slowly brought our boat alongside, some of the crew were inevidence, getting ready for their day's work, and they seemed perplexedto account for our early morning call. But, when we came close to thevessel, our emaciated appearance evidently told the main outlines of ourstory. They called to the others in a foreign tongue and the whole crewcrowded to the rail. One strong fellow jumped into our boat and liftedJohn up while others reached down to help. Then, with their assistance, I tumbled on board, stiff with cold and with feet like stone. They gaveus brandy and took us to the warm cabin where breakfast was beingprepared and it is difficult to say which was more grateful, the smellof food or the warmth of the fire. John was put into the captain's bunk. It was a good exchange for he was not far from "Davy Jones' locker. " Wehad been on board only a few hours when the fog rolled back again andcontinued for some time afterward. The vessel was a French fishing brig from the island of St. Malo in theEnglish Channel. None of the crew understood English and neither of uscould speak French, but they understood the language of distress andkindness needs no interpreter. The captain showed me a calendar andpointed to the tenth of June, and when I pointed to the second heevidently found it hard to believe me, but John's condition helped tocorroborate my statement. They let us eat as much as we wished, butnature protected us, for the process of eating was so painful at firstthat I felt like a sword swallower who had partaken too freely of hisfavorite dish. Fortunately, also, our hosts were living the simple life. Their menu consisted chiefly of sliced bread over which had been pouredthe broth of fish cooked in water and light wine, the same fish cookedin oil as a second course, bread and hardtack, and an occasional dish ofbeans, which seemed to be regarded by them as a luxury. They had anabundance of beer and light wine and in the morning before going to haultheir trawls, coffee was served with brandy. Cooking was done on a brickplatform, or fireplace, in the cabin, and the captain, the mate and allhands sat around one large dish placed on the cabin floor and eachhelped himself with his own spoon. A loaf of bread was passed around, each cutting off a slice with his own sheath knife. But notwithstandingsimple food, frugal meals and primitive conditions, the hospitality wasgenuine and against the background of our recent hunger, thirst andgeneral wretchedness, the place was heaven and our hosts were angels inthin disguise. In about ten days we were brought into St. Pierre, the French fishingtown on the small rocky island of Miquelon, off the Newfoundland coast, the depot of the French fishing fleet and the only remaining footholdfor the French of the vast empire once held by them between the NorthAtlantic and the Mississippi Valley. The American consul took us incharge, sending us to a sailors' boarding house and giving each of us achange of clothing. In another week we were sent on by steamer toHalifax, consigned to the American consul at that port. There John'sfeet proved to be in such bad condition that it was necessary to sendhim to the hospital, and, as gangrene had set in, a portion of each footwas amputated. He was "queer" for several weeks, but, with returningphysical health, gradually recovered his mental equilibrium. After a fewdays in Halifax, I was sent on by steamer to Boston, bringing the firstnews of either our loss or our rescue. On reaching my home town I did not go to a boarding house; there wasplenty of room for me in the home and I was contented to stay there fora while. The old salts received me as a long-lost brother, and while theofficial notice was never handed me, I was made to feel that somewherein their inner consciousness I had been elected a regular member of theAmalgamated Society of Sea Dogs, and was entitled to an inside seat, ifI could find one, about the stove of any shoemaker's shop in the Cove. The Banks were revisited in memory, and all the old fog experiences werebrought out, amplified and elongated as far as possible, but it wasconceded that we had established a new record in the nautical traditionsof the Cove. It took several years for me to inch my way back tophysical solvency from the effects of my exposure, and this delayed thecarrying out of my plans, to which my fishing trips had been a prelude. The strange thing that I now have to record is that I soon forgot, orwillfully ignored, my whole experience of God, prayer and deliverance, and became apparently more skeptical and indifferent than before. Theonly way I can explain this is that I had not become a Christian, and mydominant mental attitude reasserted itself when danger was past. Ipractically never attended church. My position and influence, however, were not merely negative; I was positively antagonistic to Christianity, and this attitude continued up to the April following. [Illustration: Dave Lived in a Beautiful Old Place Near the Shore and IHad Been in the Habit of Spending Many of My Sundays with Him] But while I forgot, I was not forgotten. God had begun a work in me, thecontinuation and completion of which waited on my willingness tocooperate, and the most powerful force in the world, that of believingand persistent prayer, was being released in my behalf. My mother was awoman of remarkable Christian character, with rare qualities of mind andheart, knowledge and love of the Scriptures, and a deep and genuineprayer life. Notwithstanding my lack of sympathy with her in the thingsmost fundamental, she had confidence that the tide would turn with me. Her confidence, however, was not based on me. She knew the Lord andunderstood that it was not the sheep that went out after the Shepherdwho was lost until it found Him. So she kept a well-worn path to theplace of prayer. She was wise and said little to me on the subject, but I knew her lifeand what it was for which she was most deeply solicitous. She had taughtme from the Bible as a boy, and many a cold winter night, though wearywith a day filled with household cares, she had come to my room and"tucked me in" with prayer. My attitude toward Christianity in the winter following my secondfishing trip on the Newfoundland Banks was different from that of theyear before. Then I had been a skeptic, as I assumed, and declinedresponsibility for what to me was unknown and seemed to be unknowable. But, in the meantime, something had happened that had lifted this wholequestion with me from the realm of speculation to that of experience. The Pilot's response to my signal might, for the time, be ignored, butit could not be forgotten. But, by deliberately putting aside my convictions of God, prayer anddeliverance, treating them as if they had no existence in fact, I hadintroduced an element of distrust of my own mental processes. The willhad taken the place of judgment, and the result was confusion; I was inthe fog. I never attended prayer meeting, but one Sunday night I waspassing the chapel where such a meeting was being held. I had been therewith my mother, as a boy, and while the meetings were "slow, " they werepervaded with a true devotional spirit and a something real, though tome intangible and difficult to describe. Whether I was influenced by the memory of these boyhood glimpses intothe spiritual world, or by the spirit of the scoffer and the cynicpossessing me at that time, or by the still small voice that had pointedthe way to safety only a few months before, I never fully knew, but Iwent in. The room was filled with people and a meeting was in progress, duringwhich two men, old neighbors, whose lives I knew well, told the story oftheir recent conversion. One was Skipper Andrew Woodbury, a man ofblameless life, but who had lived sixty-five years without religion. Theother was my uncle by marriage, twenty years my senior, a close personalfriend and familiarly called "Dave. " I had been in the habit of spendingmany of my Sundays with him, as he was a non-church goer, companionable, genuine and open-hearted as the day. It was evident that he had foundsomething that he wanted to share with his friends, and while I madelight of it at the time, his testimony made a profound impression on me. Toward the close of the meeting the leader gave the invitation to those"who want to become Christians" to rise. No one stood up. Then he camewithin closer range and invited those "who would like to becomeChristians, " but still no one responded. I was becoming interested andwas almost disappointed when no one answered to this second invitation. Then he put up the proposition to those "who _have no objections_to becoming Christians. " "He will get a lot of them on this call, " Isaid to myself, but to my surprise, no one stirred. "Well, " I thought, "this is too bad, but why couldn't I help him out? I have no objectionsto becoming a Christian, " and I stood up. I slipped out of the meetingahead of the crowd, but in my room that night before I went to bed, Ifound myself on my knees, trying to pray. I did not succeed very well. "Oh, what's the use?" I said, "there's nothing in it. " But I lay awakefar into the night, thinking, feeling the beating of my heart, wonderingwhat kept it going and "what if it should stop suddenly?" But in less than a day these impressions had passed. I laughed them offand kept on in my own way. For six weeks I steered clear of Dave, but Idid not want to lose his friendship, and then, too, I was rather curiousto find out what, if anything, he had really discovered. So, one Sundaymorning in early April, I drifted down to his home, as I had done somany times before. I stopped at my father's house on the way, and aftera short visit, went on to Dave's. It was a pleasant morning, and I leftmy overcoat at home, as I had but a short distance to go. Dave lived in a beautiful old farmhouse near the shore, overlooking theharbor, and our Sunday program had been walking along the beach, orsitting around the house smoking, eating apples, drinking cider andkilling time in the most unconventional way possible. "It's too bad, " Ithought, "that Dave has got religion, it spoils all our good times"; butI was hoping to find him less strenuous on the subject than when I hadheard him in the chapel six weeks before. But Dave's conversion was sogenuine and his enthusiasm so real that it was impossible for meentirely to resist and beat back the impact of his testimony. I concealed my impressions, however, and told him that no doubt heneeded it, it was probably a good thing for him, I wouldn't say a wordto discourage him, but as for me, I did not need that kind of medicine. He urged me to go to church with him, but I declined his invitation sopositively that he did not renew it. "I'll walk along with you as far asthe corner, " I said, but when we came to the point of parting an impulsecame to me to go with him. "Walk slow, Dave, " I said, "I'll go in andget my coat and go to church with you. " We were both surprised, he, because he had given up all hope of my going with him, and I, becauseten seconds before I had no thought of going. I have often thought of itsince, and never without a sense of profound thankfulness for theimpulse that came to me that bright Sunday morning, at the parting ofthe ways. I went with Dave to church that morning, came back and spent theafternoon with him and went with him again to the evening service, afterwhich I remained for personal conversation. Dave had exhausted hisammunition, but the man who talked with me had been practicing theChristian life for twenty-five years and was a man of fine personality, culture and business experience. He knew the Gospel and also knew humannature, and mine in particular, while I knew that he was genuine. "Charlie, " he said, "don't you think it is time for you to be aChristian?" "No, " I answered, "I can't be a hypocrite; I can't pretend to believewhat I don't believe. " "What is there that you can't believe?" "Well, there is the Bible, for instance. " "Don't you believe the Bible?" "About as I believe Robinson Crusoe. " "Do you think the trouble is with the Bible, or with yourself? Don't youthink that, if you had faith, as a Christian man, the Bible would be adifferent book to you?" "That looks easy; of course, if I had faith I would be just as you are. But how can a man believe what he does not believe?" "Did you ever hear about prayer?" "Yes, I have heard something about it. " "Don't you think that there is something in it?" "Yes, I am inclined to think there is. " (I could not honestly deny it inthe light of my experience. ) "Well, don't you think that if you were to pray to God for faith, Godwould give it to you?" This question touched the spring of memory, and conscience showed mewhat it thought of me. I was ashamed of my littleness and of myunscientific attitude of mind in wilfully ignoring the greatest facts ofmy experience, and I was also ashamed of my ingratitude. And so, in anunguarded moment, that is, in a moment when my will was off its guardand my judgment asserted its right to be heard, I gave my answer to thequestion and the answer was, "Yes, I believe that He would. " And then came the question, "Won't you do it?" This questionprecipitated the fight of my life. I do not remember how long my friendwaited for my answer, but judging from the struggle in my mind, it musthave been a long time. What would it mean for me to answer this questionin the affirmative? First, it would mean the sacrifice of myindependence; next, it would mean fellowship with a lot of so-calledChristians, whose Christianity was not of a manly type; third, it wouldmean a step in the dark, and this seemed to me to be unreasonable. Onthe other hand, it might mean the winning of something better than thatwhich I called independence; it might also mean fellowship with thereally great characters of the Christian Church, and these men hadalways appeared very attractive to me. With this last thought came thequestion, How did these men live the victorious life? and it was clearto me that they lived it by faith. Then came the thought, How did theybegin to have faith? and it seemed to me that this step in the dark, which I hesitated to take, was probably the very step by which thesegreat men had passed from a life of unbelief to their victory of faith. This last thought came as a revelation. It had always seemed to me thatfaith was an experience of the emotions or a satisfying of theintellect, and that one might _obtain_ faith by the _initiativeof the will_ was a new idea to me. If this was true, the step in thedark was not unreasonable but scientific and psychological. I wascertainly in the dark then. It could be no darker if I went forward inthe path to which my friend invited me. I decided therefore to take thestep and to pray for faith, hoping that in the process I should find aChristian experience. And so I answered, "Yes, I'll do it. " My friend prayed with me and then I prayed, but all that I could say was"Lord, show me the way. " I was not conscious of any special interest, Ihad simply willed to pray and wanted to believe. I had won the fightwith myself, however, to the extent of getting the consent of my will topray and to trust, but I realized that the battle with myself was onlybegun and I knew also that I had another fight ahead of me, or a seriesof them, with the conditions that hemmed me in and seemed to make theChristian life impracticable. One of these adverse conditions was my relations with the men in myboarding house. How could I go back and tell them that I had decided todo the thing that I had ridiculed and scoffed at in their presence? Ofcourse this was pure cowardice; I was afraid of their ridicule. But thebreak was made easier for me than I feared it would be. I found onentering the smoking room of the boarding house, that "Uncle Dick Moss, "a rank spiritualist, had the floor. He was on his high horse and wascharging up and down the room in the midst of a bitter and blatantIngersollian tirade against Christianity and the Bible. The crowd wascheering him on. The day before, this probably would have amused me andI might have followed him, supporting his arguments, or ratherassertions--there were no arguments. But during the twelve hours that had just passed I had been facingrealities and Uncle Dick's exhibition disgusted me. So when he hadquieted down, I decided that it was time for me to run up my colors. Ifthe break had to come, it had better come then. "Uncle Dick, " I said, "you have been talking about something that you don't know anythingabout. Here you are swallowing spiritualism, hook, bob and sinker, andhaving trouble with the Bible and the only religion that can do thebusiness that we need to have done. The trouble with you is that you areafraid that the Bible will upset your spiritualism, and you don't dareto investigate the Bible and stand by the result of your investigation. I'm tired of this whole business, and I have made up my mind toinvestigate the Bible and, if it is what I think it is, to try to liveby it. I am going to be a Christian. " A shout and a laugh went up. I was called "Deacon, " and it was suggestedthat I lead in prayer or at least make a few remarks. But I had saidenough to put myself on record and it was hardly to be expected thatthey would take me seriously on such short notice. When it came time togo to bed I felt that in order not to be misunderstood I must pray inthe presence of my roommate. He was a cynic and a nothingarian and Ifelt sure that he would neither understand nor appreciate it. It washard to bring it about, as he kept on talking in a way that seemed togive me no opportunity to turn the subject naturally. I was tempted tolet it pass, but felt that, if I did, it would be fatal to my new-formedpurpose. So finally, in almost an agony of awkwardness, I blurted out, "Jim, I don't care what you think about it, I'm going to pray. " Jimproved to be entirely mild and agreeable about it, however, and gave mehis blessing in a patronizing sort of a way. The next day I burned mybridges behind me by packing my trunk and going home. Up to this time I was conscious of nothing unusual. What things hadtaken place I had done myself and it had been entirely within my ownoption and power to do or not to do them. I had received the testimonyof at least four witnesses of the fact of conversion and the reality ofthe Christian life; I had relaxed the opposition of my will and given myjudgment a chance to act; I had taken advice from experience; I hadprayed; I had turned my face toward the Christian life; I had cut loosefrom conditions unfriendly to Christian experience, and I was trying tobe a Christian. But I was still in the fog. For the next three days I worked very hard trying to be a Christian. Iattended a meeting each night, rose for prayer, prayed, did everything Iwas told to do, and as much more as I could think of. The burden of myprayer and of my requests for prayer was that I might have faith. Iwanted to get something that I thought every Christian had, or must havein order to be a Christian, and so far as I knew, I was willing to paythe price. But nothing resulted, except the natural weariness from myown exertions. I was still in the fog. The fifth day was "Fast Day, " a good old New England institution, with aprayer meeting in the morning, which I attended and at which I rose forprayer. In the afternoon was a union service, with a civic orsemi-religious topic, but I attended it, as I did not want anything toget by me that might contribute to the solution of my problem. There wasscarcely anything about the service that was calculated to make aspiritual impression. The address was poor, as also was the music. Itried to follow the argument, but finally gave it up and began to thinkabout that which had been uppermost in my mind for the five days past. The thing baffled me; the object of my quest had eluded my every effortto grasp it. The experience of the five days was new, but it containednothing but that which could be accounted for by purely natural causes. I reviewed the whole period to see if I had left out any essential partof the formula. Was it possible that my skepticism had been wellfounded, that there was nothing in the so-called "Christian experience"after all? It was about four o'clock in the afternoon of the fifth daysince I had set my face toward the Christian life and I was still in thefog. But I was weary with the effort, and as I thought it over, I said tomyself "What are you trying to do?" and the answer was, "I am trying tobe a Christian. " Then it dawned upon me that _trying_ was not_trusting_; that, if I succeeded in my effort, I should have only aself-made product and not the religion of the Bible and that it wasunreasonable for me to expect the results of faith before exercisingfaith itself. I was stumbling at the very simplicity of faith. I wasworking to win what God was waiting to give, while my latent faculty offaith, the greatest asset in personality, was lying worthless throughdisuse. I thought of my experience on the ocean, when finally, helplessto help myself, I had left my whole problem with the Pilot and He hadtaken command and brought us through to safety, and so I deliberatelygave up the struggle and said to myself, "It is right for me to serveGod and to live for Him, and I will do it whether I have what they callan 'experience' or not. " And, having settled the question, I dismissedit and waited for instructions. [Illustration: It Came as Quietly as the Daylight Comes When the Nightis Done] And then something happened, for, from without, surprising me with itspresence, like the discovery of a welcome but unexpected guest, therecame into my life a deep, great, overflowing peace. I had never known itbefore, and therefore I could not by any possibility have imagined it;but, I recognized it as something from God. It was not sensational, itcame quietly; as quietly "as the daylight comes when the night is done. "It was not emotional, unless it was in itself an emotion. But emotionsare transient and this had come to stay. With the peace, there came also something that seemed to be areinforcement of my life principle, an achieving power, a disposition todare and an ability to do that which hitherto had seemed impossible; andthe petty pessimism of the past gave way before this new consciousness. With this deep incoming tide of peace and power came a clearing of themental atmosphere, and I saw that the fog had lifted. When I saw this, Isaid to myself quietly, "I think I am a Christian, " and almostimmediately added, "I am a Christian!" The fog had passed, and the drifting was over; I had come within sightof land. What land it was I did not then know, but it proved to be a newworld. How great it is I do not yet fully understand, but I have beenexploring it thirty years and I think it is a continent.