MEMOIRS OF FANNY HILL

By John Cleland

_A new and genuine edition from the original text (London, 1749). _

PARIS - ISIDORE LISEUX

Of this Edition, privately printed, there are 350 numbered copies, ofwhich this is number 111. 

LETTER THE FIRST

I sit down to give you an undeniable proof of my considering yourdesires as indispensable orders. Ungracious then as the task may be, Ishall recall to view those scandalous stages of my life, out of which Iemerged, at length, to the enjoyment of every blessing in the power oflove, health and fortune to bestow; whilst yet in the flower of youth, and not too late to employ the leisure afforded me by great ease andaffluence, to cultivate an understanding, naturally not a despicableone, and which had, even amidst the whirl of loose pleasures I had beentossed in, exerted more observation on the characters and manners ofthe world than what is common to those of my unhappy profession, who, looking on all though or reflection as their capital enemy, keep it atas great a distance as they can, or destroy it without mercy. 

Hating, as I mortally do, all long unnecessary prefaces, I shall giveyou good quarter in this, and use no farther apology, than to prepareyou for seeing the loose part of my life, written with the same libertythat I led it. 

Truth! stark, naked truth, is the word; and I will not so much astake the pains to bestow the strip of a gauze wrapper on it, but paintsituations such as they actually rose to me in nature, careless ofviolating those laws of decency that were never made for such unreservedintimacies as ours; and you have too much sense, too much knowledge ofthe originals, to sniff prudishly and out of character at the picturesof them. The greatest men, those of the first and most leading taste, will not scruple adorning their private closets with nudities, though, in compliance with vulgar prejudices, they may not think them decentdecorations of the staircase, or salon. 

This, and enough, premised, I go souse into my personal history. My maiden name was Frances Hill. I was born at a small village nearLiverpool, in Lancashire, of parents extremely poor, and, I piouslybelieve, extremely honest. 

My father, who had received a maim on his limbs, that disabled himfrom following the more laborious branches of country drudgery, got, by making nets, a scanty subsistence, which was not much enlarged by mymother's keeping a little day-school for the girls in her neighborhood. They had had several children; but none lived to any age except myself, who had received from nature a constitution perfectly healthy. 

My education, till past fourteen, was no better than very vulgar:reading, or rather spelling, an illegible scrawl, and a little ordinaryplain work, composed the whole system of it; and then all my foundationin virtue was no other than a total ignorance of vice, and the shytimidity general to our sex, in the tender age of life, when objectsalarm or frighten more by their novelty than anything else. But then, this is a fear too often cured at the expense of innocence, when Miss, by degrees, begins no longer to look on a man as a creature of prey thatwill eat her. 

My poor mother had divided her time so entirely between her scholarsand her little domestic cares, that she had spared very little to myinstruction, having, from her own innocence from all ill, no hint orthought of guarding me against any. 

I was now entering on my fifteenth year, when the worst of ills befellme in the loss of my fond, tender parents, who were both carried off bythe small-pox, within a few days of each other; my father dying first, and thereby by hastening the death of my mother: so that I was now leftan unhappy friendless orphan (for my father's coming to settle there, was accidental, he being originally a Kentisrman). That cruel distemperwhich had proved so fatal to them, had indeed seized me, but with suchmild and favourable symptoms, that I was presently out of danger, andwhat then I did not know the value of, was entirely unmarked I skip overhere an account of the natural grief and affliction which I felt onthis melancholy occasion. A little time, and the giddiness of that age, dissipated too soon my reflections on that irreparable loss; but nothingcontributed more to reconcile me to it, than the notions that wereimmediately put into my head, of going to London, and looking out fora service, in which I was promised all assistance and advice from oneEsther Davis, a young woman that had beer down to see her friends, andwho, after the stay of a few days, was returned to her place. 

As I had now nobody left alive in the village, who had concerned enoughabout what should become of me, to start any objections to this scheme, and the woman who took care of me after my parents' death, ratherencouraged me to pursue it, I soon came to a resolution of making thislaunch into the wide world, by repairing to London, in order to seek myfortune, a phrase which, by the bye, has ruined more adventurers of bothsexes, from the country, than ever it made or advanced. 

Nor did Esther Davis a little comfort and inspirit me to venture withher, by piquing my childish curiosity with the fine sights that were tobe seen in London: the Tombs, the Lions, the King, the Royal Family, the fine Plays and Operas, and, in short, all the diversions which fellwithin her sphere of life to come at; the detail of all which perfectlyturned the little head of me. 

Nor can I remember, without laughing, the innocent admiration, notwithout a spice of envy, with which we poor girls, whose church-goingclothes did not rise above dowlas shifts and stuff gowns, beplaced withsilver: all which we imagined grew in London, and entered for a greatdeal into my determination of trying to come in for my share of them. 

The idea however of having the company of a towns-woman with her, wasthe trivial, and all the motives that engaged Esther to take charge ofme during my journey to town, where she told me, after the manner andstyle, "as how several maids out of the country had made themselves andall their kind for ever: that by preserving their virtue, some hadtaken so with their masters, that they had married them, and kept themcoaches, and lived vastly grand and happy; and some, may-hap, came to beDuchesses; luck was all, and why not I, as well as another?"; with otheralmanacs to this purpose, which set me a tip-toe to begin this promisingjourney, and to leave a place which, though my native one, contained norelations that I had reason to regret, and was grown insupportable tome, from the change of the tenderest usage into a cold air of charity, with which I was entertained, even at the only friend's house that I hadthe least expectation of care and protection from. She was, however, sojust to me, as to manage the turning into money the little matters thatremained to me after the debts and burial charges were allowed for, and, at my departure, put my whole fortune into my hands; which consistedof a very slender wardrobe, packed up in a very portable box, and eightguineas, with seventeen shillings in silver, stowed in a spring-pouch, which was a greater treasure than I ever had seen together, and which Icould not conceive there was a possibility of running out; and indeed, Iwas so entirely taken up with the joy of seeing myself mistress of suchan immence sum, that I gave very little attention to a world of goodadvice which was given me with it. 

Places, then, being taken for Esther and me in the Chester waggon, Ipass over a very immaterial scene of leave-taking, at which I dropeda few tears betwixt grief and joy; and, for the same reasons ofinsignificance, skip over all that happened to me on the road, such asthe waggoner's looking liquorish on me, the schemes laid for me by someof the passengers, which were defeated by the valiance of my guardianEsther; who, to do her justice, took a motherly care of me, at thesame time that she taxed me for the protection by making me bear alltravelling charges, which I defrayed with the unmost cheerfulness, andthought myself much obliged to her into the bargain. 

She took indeed great care that we were not overrated, or imposed on, aswell as of managing as frugally as possible; expensiveness was not hervice. 

It was pretty late in a summer evening when we reached the town, in ourslow conveyance, though drawn by six at length. As we passed throughthe greatest streets that led to our inn, the noise, of the coaches, thehurry, the crowds of foot passengers, in short, the new scenery of theshops and houses, at once pleased and amazed me. 

But guess at my mortification and surprise when we came to the inn, andour things were landed and delivered to us, when my fellow traveller andprotectress, Esther Davis, who had used me with the utmost tendernessduring the journey, and prepared me by no preceedings signs for thestunning blow I was to receive, when I say, my only dependence andfriend, in this strange place, all of a sudden assumed a strange andcool air towards me, as if she dreaded my becoming a burden to her. 

Instead, then, of proffering me the continuance of her assistance andgood offices, which I relied upon, and never more wanted, she thoughtherself, it seems, abundantly acquitted of her engagements to me, byhaving brought me safe to my journey's end, and seeing nothing in herprocedure towards me but what natural and in order, began to embrace meby the way of taking leave, whilst I was so confounded, so struck, that I had not spirit or sense enough so much as to mention my hopesor expectations from her experience, and knowledge of the place she hadbrought me to. 

Whilst I stood thus stupid and mute, which she doubtless attributed tonothing more than a concern at parting, this idea procured me perhaps aslight alleviation of it, in the following harangue: "That now we weregot safe to London, and that she was obliged to go to her place, sheadvised me by all means to get into one as soon as possible; that I neednot fear getting one; there were more places than parish-churches; thatshe advised me to go to an intelligence office; that if she heard ofany thing stirring, she would find me out and let me know; that in themeantime, I should take a private lodging, and acquaint her where tosend to me; that she wished me good luck, and hoped I should alwayshave the grace to keep myself honest, and not bringing a disgrace onmy parentage. " With this; she took her leave of me, and left me, as itwere, on my own hands, full as lightly as I had been put into hers. 

Left thus alone, absolutely destitute and friendless I began then tofeel most bitterly the severity of this separation, the scene of whichhad passed in a little room in the inn; and no sooner was her backturned, but the affliction I felt at my helpless strange circumstances, burst out into a flood of tears, which infinitely relieved the oppressionof my heart; though I still remained stupified, and most perfectlyperplexed how to dispose of myself. 

One of the waiters coming in, added yet more to my uncertainty, byasking me, in a short way, if I called for anything? to which I repliedinnocently: "No. " But I wished him to tell me where I might get alodging for that night. He said he would go and speak to his mistress, who accordingly came, and told me drily, without entering in the leastinto the distress she saw me in, that I might have a bed for a shilling, and that, as she supposed I had some friends in town (there I fetched adeep sigh in vain!), I might provide for myself in the morning. 

It is incredible what trifling consolations the human mind will seizein its greatest afflictions. The assurance of nothing more than a bed tolie on that night, calmed my agonies; and being ashamed to acquaintthe mistress of the inn that I had no friends to apply to in town, Iproposed to myself to proceed, the very next morning, to an intelligenceoffice, to which I was furnished with written directions on the back ofa ballad, Esther had given me. There I counted on getting informationof any place that such a country girl as I might be fit for, and whereI could get into any sort of being, before my little stock should beconsumed; and as to a character, Esther had often repeated to me, that Imight depend on her managing me one; nor, however affected I was ather leaving me thus, did I entirely cease to rely on her, as I began tothink, good-naturedly, that her procedure was all in course, and that iswas only my ignorance of life that had made me take it in the light I atfirst did. 

Accordingly, the next morning I dressed myself as clean and as neat asmy rustic wardrobe would permit me; and having left my box, with specialrecommendation, with the landlady, I ventured out by myself, and withoutany more difficulty than can be supposed of a young country girl, barelyfifteen, and to whom every sign or shop was a gazing trap, I got to thewished for intelligence office. 

It was kept by an elderly woman, who sat at the receipt of custom, witha book before her in great form and order, and several scrolls made out, of directions for places. 

I made up then to this important personage, without lifting up my eyesor observing any of the people round me, who were attending there on thesame errand as myself, and dropping her curtsies nine deep, just made ashift to stammer out my business to her. 

Madam heard me out, with all the gravity and brow of a petty ministerof State, and seeing at one glance over my figure what I was, made me noanswer, but to ask me the preliminary shilling, on receipt of which shetold me places for women too slight built for hard work: but that shewould look over her book, and see what was to be done for me, desiringme to stay a little, till she had dispatched some other customers. 

On this I drew back a little, most heartily mortified at a declarationwhich carried with it a killing uncertainly, that my circumstances couldnot well endure. 

Presently, assuming more courage, and seeking some diversion from myuneasy thoughts, I ventured to lift up my head a little, and sent myeyes on a course round the room, where they met full tilt with thoseof a lady (for such my extreme innocence pronounced her) sitting in acorner of the room, dressed in a velvet mantle (in the midst of summer), with her bonnet off; squat, fat, red-faced, and at least fifty. 

She looked as if she would devour me with her eyes, staring at me fromhead to foot, without the least regard to the confusion and blushes hereyeing me so fixedly put me to, and which were to her, no doubt, thestrongest recommendation and marks of my being fit for her purpose. After a little time, in which my air, person and whole figure hadundergone a strict examination, which I had, on my part, tried to renderfavourable to me, by primming, drawing up my neck, and setting my bestlooks, she advanced and spoke to me with the greatest demureness:

"Sweet-heart, do you want a place?

"Yes, and please you, " (with a curtsey down to the ground). 

Upon this she acquainted me she was actually come to the office herself, to look out for a servant; that she believed I might do, with a littleof her instruction; that she could take my very looks for a sufficientcharacter; that London was a very wicked, vile, place; that she hoped Iwould be tractable, and keep out of bad company; in short, she said allto me that an old experienced practitioner in town could think of, and which was much more than was necessary to take in an artlessinexperienced country maid, who was even afraid of becoming a wandererabout the streets, and therefore gladly jumped at the first offer of ashelter, especially from so grave and matron-like a lady, for suchmy flattering fancy assured me this new mistress of mine was, I beingactually hired under the nose of the good woman that kept the office, whose shrewed smiles and shrugs I could not help observing, andinnocently interpreted them as marks of being pleased at my gettinginto place so soon: but, as I afterwards came to know, these Beldamsunderstood one another very well, and this was a market where Mrs. Brown, my mistress, frequently attended, on the watch for any freshgoods that might offer there, for the use of her customers, and her ownprofit. 

Madam was, however, so well pleased with her bargain that fearing Ipresume, lest better advice or some accident might occasion my slippingthrough her fingers, she would officiously take me in a coach to my inn, where, calling herself for my box, it was, I being present, deliveredwithout the least scruple or explanation as to where I was going. 

This being over, she bid the coachman drive to a shop in St. Paul'sChurchyard, where she bought a pair of gloves, which she gave me, andthence renewed her directions to the coachman to drive to her house in------ street, who accordingly landed us at the door, after I had beencheered up and entertained by the way with the most plausible flams, without one syllable from which I could conclude anything but that I was, by the greatest luck, fallen into the hands of kindest mistress, not tosay friend, that the vast world could afford; and accordingly I enteredher doors with most complete confidence and exultation, promising, myself that, as soon as I could be a little settled, I would acquaintEsther Davis with my rare good fortune. 

You may be sure the good opinion of my place was not lessened by theappearance of a very handsome back parlor, into which I was led andwhich seemed to me magnificently furnished, who had never seen betterrooms than the ordinary ones in inns upon the road. There were two giltpier-glasses, and a buffet, on which a few pieces of plate, set out tothe most shew, dazzled, and altogether persuaded me that I must be gotinto a very reputable family. 

Here my mistress first began her part, with telling me that I must havegood spirits, and learn to be free with her; that she had not taken meto be a common servant, to do domestic drudgery, but to be a kind ofcompanion to her; and that if I would be a good girl, she would domore than twenty mothers for me; to all which I answered only by theprofoundest and the awkwardest curtsies, and a few monosyllables, suchas "'yes! no! to be sure!"

Presently my mistress touched the bell, and in came a strappingmaid-servant, who had let us in. "Here, Martha, " said Mrs. Brown, "Ihave just hired this young woman to look after my linen; so step up andshow her her chamber; and I charge you to use her with as much respectas you would myself, for I have taken a prodigious liking to her, and Ido not know what I shall do for her. "

Martha, who was an arch-jade, and, being used to this decoy, had hercue perfect, made me a kind of half curtsy, and asked me to walk upwith her; and accordingly showed me a neat room, two pair of stairsbackwards, in which there was a handsome bed, where Martha told me I wasto lie with a young gentlewoman, a cousin of my mistress, who she wassure would be vastly good to me. Then she ran out into such affectedencomiums on her good mistress! her sweet mistress! and how happy Iwas to light upon her! and that I could not have bespoke a better; withother the like gross stuff, such as would itself have started suspicionsin any but such an unpractised simpleton, who was perfectly new tolife, and who took every word she said in the very sense she laid outfor me to take it; but she readily saw what a penetration she had todeal with, and measured me very rightly in her manner of whistling tome, so as to make me pleased with my cage, and blind to the wires. 

In the midst of these false explanations of the nature of my futureservice, we were rung for down again, and I was reintroduced into thesame parlour, where there was a table laid with three covers; and mymistress had now got with her one of her favourite girls, a notablemanager of her house, and whose business it was to prepare andbreak such young fillies as I was to the mounting block; and she wasaccordingly, in that view, alloted me for a bed-fellow, and, to give herthe more authority, she had the title of cousin conferred on her by thevenerable president of this college. 

Here I underwent a second survey, which ended in the full approbationof Mrs. Phoebe Ayres, the name of my tutoress elect, to whose care andinstruction I was affectionately recommended. 

Dinner was now set on table, and in pursuance of treating me asa companion, Mrs. Brown, with a tone to cut off all dispute, soonover-ruled my most humble and most confused protestations againstsitting down with her Ladyship, which my very short breeding justsuggested to me could not be right, or in the order of things. 

At table, the conversation was chiefly kept up by the two madams andcarried on in double meaning expressions, interrupted every now and thenby kind assurances to me, all tending to confirm and fix my satisfactionwith my present condition: augment it they could not, so very a novicewas I then. 

It was here agreed that I should keep myself up and out of sight for afew days, till such clothes could be procured for me as were fit forthe character I was to appear in, of my mistress's companion, observingwithal, that on the first impressions of my figure much might depend;and, as they rightly judged, the prospect of exchanging my countryclothes for London finery, made the clause of confinement digestperfectly well with me. But the truth was, Mrs. Brown did not care thatI should be seen or talked to by any, either of her customers, or herDoes (as they called the girls provided for them), till she secured agood market for my maidenhead, which I had at least all the appearancesof having brought into her Ladyship's service. 

To slip over minutes of no importance to the main of my story, I passthe interval to bed time, in which I was more and more pleased with theviews that opened to me, of an easy service under these good people; andafter supper being shewed up to bed, Miss Phoebe, who observed a kindof reluctance in me to strip and go to bed, in my shift, before her, nowthe maid was withdrawn, came up to me, and beginning with unpinningmy handkerchief and gown, soon encouraged me to go on with undressingmyself; and, blushing at now seeing myself naked to my shift, I hurriedto get under the bed-clothes out of sight. 

Phoebe laughed and was not long before she placed herself by my side. She was about five and twenty, by her most suspicious account, in which, according to all appearances, she must have sunk at least ten goodyears; allowance, too, being made for the havoc which a long course ofhackneyship and hot waters must have made of her constitution, and whichhad already brought on, upon the spur, that stale stage in which thoseof her profession are reduced to think of showing company, instead ofseeing it. 

No sooner then was this precious substitute of my mistress laid down, but she, who was never out of her way when any occasion of lewdnesspresented itself, turned to me, embraced and kissed me with greateagerness. This was new, this was odd; but imputing it to nothing butpure kindness, which, for ought I knew, it might be the London way toexpress in that manner, I was determined not to be behind-hand with her, and returned her the kiss and embrace, with all the fervour that perfectinnocence knew. 

Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, and wandered overmy whole body, with touches, squeezes, pressures, that rather warmed andsurprised me with their novelty, than they either shocked or alarmed me. 

The flattering praises she intermingled with these invasions, contributed also not a little to bribe my passiveness; and, knowing noill, I feared none, especially from one who had prevented all doubtsof her womanhood, by conducting my hands to a pair of breasts that hungloosely down, in a size and volume that full sufficiently distinguishedher sex, to me at least, who had never made any other comparison. 

I lay then all tame and passive as she could wish, whilst her freedomraised no other emotion but those of a strange, and, till then, unfeltpleasure. Every part of me was open and exposed to the licentiouscourses of her hands, which, like a lambent fire, ran over my wholebody, and thawed all coldness as they went. 

My breasts, if it is not too bold a figure to call so two hard, firm, rising hillocks, that just began to shew themselves, or signify anythingto the touch, employed and amused her hands awhile, till, slipping downlower, over a smooth track, she could just feel the soft silky down thathad but a few months before put forth and garnished the mount-pleasantof those parts, and promised to spread a grateful shelter over the sweetseat of the most exquisite sensation, and which had been, till thatinstant, the seat of the most insensible innocence. Her fingers playedand strove to twine in the young tendrils of that moss, which nature hascontrived at once for use and ornament. 

But, not contented with these outer posts, she now attempts the mainspot, and began to twitch, to insinuate, and at length to force anintroduction of a finger into the quick itself, in such a manner, thathad she not proceeded by insensible gradations that inflamed me beyondthe power of modesty to oppose its resistance to their progress, Ishould have jumped out of bed and cried for help against such strangeassaults. 

Instead of which, her lascivious touches had lighted up a new fire thatwantoned through all my veins, but fixed with violence in that centerappointed them by nature, where the first strange hands were now busiedin feeling, squeezing, compressing the lips, then opening them again, with a finger between, till an "Oh!" expressed her hurting me, where thenarrowness of the unbroken passage refused it entrance to any depth. 

In the meantime, the extension of my limbs, languid stretching, sighs, short heavings, all conspired to as-ure that experienced wanton that Iwas more pleased than offended at her proceedings, which she seasonedwith repeated kisses and exclamations, such as "Oh! what a charmingcreature thou art! What a happy man will he be that first makes a womanof you! Oh! that I were a man for your sake!" with the like brokenexpressions, interrupted by kisses as fierce and salacious as ever Ireceived from the other sex. 

For my part, I was transported, confused, and out of myself; feelings sonew were too much for me. My heated and alarmed senses were in a tumultthat robbed me of all liberty of thought; tears of pleasure gushed frommy eyes, and somewhat assuaged the fire that raged all over me. 

Phoebe, herself, the hackneyed, thorough-bred Phoebe, to whom all modesand devices of pleasure were known and familiar, found, it seems, in this exercise her those arbitrary tastes, for which there is noaccounting. Not that she hated men, or did not even prefer them to herown sex; but when she met with such occasions as this was, a satietyof enjoyments in the common road, perhaps, too a great secret bias, inclined her to make the most of pleasure, wherever she could find it, without distinction of sexes. In this view, now well assured that shehad, by her touches, sufficiently inflamed me for her purpose, sherolled down the bed clothes gently, and I saw myself stretched naked, my shift being turned up to my neck, whilst I had no power or sense tooppose it. Even my growing blushes expressed more desire than modesty, whilst the candle, left (to be sure not undesignedly) burning, threw afull light on my whole body. 

"No!" says Phoebe, "you must not, my sweet girl, think to hide all thesetreasures from me. My sight must be feasted as my touch. I must devourwith my eyes this springing bosom. Suffer me to kiss it. I have not seenit enough. Let me kiss it once more. What firm, smooth, white flesh ishere! How delicately shaped! Then this delicious down! Oh! let me viewthe small, dear, tender cleft! This is too much, I cannot bear it! Imust! I must!" Here she took my hand, and in a transport carried itwhere you will easily guess. But what a difference in the state of thesame thing! A spreading thicket of bushy curls marked the full grown, complete woman. Then the cavity to which she guided my hand easilyreceived it; and as soon as she felt it within her, she moved herself toand fro, with so rapid a friction, that I presently withdrew it, wetand clammy, when instantly Phoebe grew more composed, after two orthree sighs, and heart-fetched Oh's! and giving me a kiss that seemed toexhale her soul through her lips, she replaced the bed-clothes over us. What pleasure she had found I will not say; but this I know, that thefirst sparks of kindling nature, the first ideas of pollution, werecaught by me that night; and that the acquaintance and communicationwith the bad of our sex, is often as fatal to innocence as all theseductions of the other. But to go on. When Phoebe was restored to thatcalm, which I was far from the enjoyment of myself, she artfully soundedme on all the points necessary to govern the designs of my virtuousmistress on me, and by my answers, drawn from pure undissembled nature, she had no reason but to promise herself all imaginable success, so faras it depended on my ignorance, easiness and warmth of constitution. 

After a sufficient length of dialogue, my bedfellow left me to my rest, and I fell asleep, through pure weariness, from the violent emotionsI had been led into, when nature which had been too warmly stirred andfermented to subside without allaying by some means or other relievedme by one of those luscious dreams, the transports of which are scarceinferior to those of waking real action. 

In the morning I awoke about ten, perfectly gay and refreshed. Phoebewas up before me, and asked me in the kindest manner how I did, how Ihad rested, and if I was ready for breakfast? carefully, at the sametime, avoiding to increase the confusion she saw I was in, at lookingher in the face, by any hint of the night's bed scene. I told her if shepleased I would get up, and begin any work she would be pleased to setme about. She smiled; presently the maid brought in the tea equipage, and I just huddled my clothes on, when in waddled my mistress. Iexpected no less than to be told of, if not chid for, my late rising, when I was most agreeably disappointed by her compliments on my pureand fresh looks. I was "a bud of beauty" (this was her style), "and howvastly all the fine men would admire me!" to all which my answers didnot, I can assure you, wrong my breeding; they were as simple and sillyas they could wish, and, no doubt, flattered them infinitely more thanhad they proved me enlightened by education and a knowledge of theworld. 

We breakfasted, and the tea things were scarce removed, when in werebrought two bundles of linen and wearing apparel: in short, all thenecessaries for rigging me out, as they termed it, completely. 

Imagine to yourself, Madam, how my little coquet heart fluttered withjoy at the sight of a white lutestring, flowered with silver, scouredindeed, but passed on me for spick and span new, a Brussels lace cap, braited shoes, and the rest in proportion, all second-hand finery, andprocured instantly for the occasion, by the diligence and industry ofthe good Mrs. Brown, who had already a chapman for me in the house, before whom my charms were to pass in review; for he had not only, in course, insisted on a previous sight of the premises, but alsoon immediate surrendering to him, in case of his agreeing for me;concluding very wisely, that such a place as I was in, was of thehottest to trust the keeping of such a perishable commodity in, as amaidenhead. 

The care of dressing and tricking me out for the market, was then leftto Phoebe, who acquitted herself, if not well, at least perfectly to thesatisfaction of everything but my impatience of seeing myself dressed. When it was over, and I viewed myself in the glass, I was no doubt, toonatural, too artless, to hide my childish joy at the change: a change, in the real truth, for much the worse, since I must have much betterbecome the neat easy simplicity of my rustic dress than the awkward, untoward, tawdry finery that I could not conceal my strangeness to. 

Phoebe's compliments, however, in which her own share in dressing me wasnot forgot, did not a little confirm me in the first notions I had everentertained concerning my person; which, be it said without vanity, wasthen tolerable to justify a taste for me, and of which it may not be outof place here to sketch you an unflattered picture. 

I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which, as I before remarked, was barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectly straight, thin waisted, and light and free without owing anything to stays; my hair was a glossyauburn, and as soft as silk, flowing down my neck in natural curls, anddid not a little to set off the whiteness of a smooth skin; my face wasrather too ruddy, though its features were delicate, and the shape was aroundish oval, except where a pit on my chin had far from a disagreeableeffect; my eyes were as black as can be imagined, and rather languishingthan sparkling, except on certain occasions, when I have been told theystruck fire fast enough; my teeth, which I ever carefully preserved, were small, even and white; my bosom was finely raised, and one mightthen discern rather the promise than the actual growth of the round, firm breast, that in a little time made that promise good. In short, allthe points of beauty that are most universally in request, I had, or atleast my vanity forbid me to appeal from the decision of our sovereignjudges the men, who all, that I ever knew at last, gave it thus highlyin my favour; and I met with, even in my own sex, some that wereabove denying me that justice, whilst others praised me yet moreunsuspectedly, by endeavouring to detract from me, in points of personand figure that I obviously excelled in. This is, I own, too strongof self praise; but I should be ungrateful to nature, and to a form towhich I owe such singular blessings of pleasure and fortune, were Ito suppress, through an affectation of modesty, the mention of suchvaluable gifts. 

Well then, dressed I was, and little did it then enter into my headthat all this gay attire was no more than decking the victim out forsacrifice, whilst I innocently attributed all to mere friendship andkindness in the sweet good Mrs. Brown; who, I was forgetting to mention, had, under pretence of keeping my money safe, got from me, without theleast hesitation, the driblet (so I now call it) which remained to meafter the expenses of my journey. 

After some little time most agreebly spent before the glass, in scarceself-admiration, since my new dress had by much the greatest share init, I was sent for down to the parlour, where the old lady saluted me, and wished me joy of my new clothes, which she was not ashamed to say, fitted me as if I had worn nothing but the finest all my life-time; butwhat was it she could not see me silly enough to swallow? At the sametime, she presented me to another cousin of her own creation, an elderlygentleman, who got up, at my entry into the room, and on my dropping acurtsy to him, saluted me, and seemed a little affronted that I hadonly presented my cheek to him: a mistake, which, if one, he immediatelycorrected, by gluing his lips to mine, with an ardour which his figurehad not at all disposed me to thank him for: his figure, I say, thanwhich nothing could be more shocking or detestable: for ugly anddisagreeable were terms too gentle to convey a just idea of it. 

Imagine to yourself, a man rather past threescore, short and ill-made, with a yellow cadaverous hue, great goggle eyes, that stared as if hewas strangled; an out-mouth from two more properly tusks than teeth, livid lips, and breath like a Jake's: then he had a peculiar ghastlinessin his grin, that made him perfectly frightful, if not dangerous towomen with child; yet, made as he was thus in mock of man, he wasso blind to his own staring deformities, as to think himself born toplease, and that no woman could see him with impunity: in consequenceof which idea, he had lavished great sums on such wretches as could gainupon themselves to pretend love to his person, whilst to those who hadnot art or patience to dissemble the horror it inspired, he behaved evenbrutally. Impotence, more than necessity, made him seek in variety, theprovocative that was wanting to raise him to the pitch of enjoyment, which he too often saw himself baulked of, by the failure of his powers:and this always threw him into a fit of rage, which he wreaked, as faras he durst, on the innocent objects of his fit of momentary desire. 

This then was the master to which my conscientious benefactress, who hadlong been his purveyor in this way, had doomed me, and sent for me downpurposely for his examination. Accordingly she made me stand up beforehim, turned me round, unpinned my handkerchief, remarked to him the riseand fall, the turn and whiteness of a bosom just beginning to fill; thenmade me walk, and took even a handle from the rusticity of my charms: inshort, she omitted no point of jockeyship; to which he only answered bygracious nods of approbation, whilst he looked goats and monkeys atme: for I sometimes stole a corner glance at him, and encountering hisfiery, eager stare, looked another way from pure horror and affright, which he, characteristically, attributed to nothing more than maidenmodesty, or at least the affectation of it. 

However, I was soon dismissed, and reconducted to my room by Phoebe, who stuck close to me, not leaving me alone, and at leisure to make suchreflections as might naturally rise to any one, not an idiot, on such ascene as I had just gone through; but to my shame be it confessed, thatjust was my invincible stupidity, or rather portentous innocence, thatI did not yet open my eyes to Mrs. Brown's designs, and saw nothing inthis titular cousin of hers but a shockingly hideous person, which didnot at all concern me, unless that my gratitude for my benefactress mademe extend my respect to all her cousinhood. 

Phoebe, however, began to sift the state and pulses of my heart towardthis monster, asking me how I should approve of such a fine gentelmanfor a husband. (Fine gentleman, I suppose she called him, from his beingdaubed with lace. ) I answered her very naturally, that I had no thoughtsof a husband, but that if I was to choose one, it should be among my owndegree, sure! so much had my aversion to that wretch's hideous figureindisposed me to all "fine gentlemen, " and confounded my ideas, as ifthose of that rank had been necessarily cast in the same mould thathe was. But Phoebe was not to be put off so, but went on with herendeavours to melt and soften me for the purposes of my reception intothat hospitable house: and whilst she talked of the sex in general, shehad no reason to despair of a compliance, which more than one reasonshowed her would be easily enough obtained of me; but then she had toomuch experience not to discover that my particular fixed aversion tothat frightful cousin would be a block not so readily to be removed, assuited the consummation of their bargain, and sale of me. 

Mother Brown had in the meantime agreed the terms with this loquoriceold goat, which I afterwards understood were to be fifty guineasperemptory, for the liberty of attempting me, and a hundred more at thecomplete gratification of his desires, in the triumph over my virginity:and as for me, I was to be left entirely at the discretion of his likingand generosity. This unrighteous contract being thus settled, he was soeager to be put in possession, that he insisted on being introduced todrink tea with me that afternoon, when we were to be left alone; norwould he hearken to the procuress's remonstrances, that I was notsufficiently prepared, and ripened for such an attack; that I was toogreen and untamed, having been scarce twenty-four hours in the house:it is the character of lust to be impatient, and his vanity arming himagainst any supposition of other than the common resistance of a maidon those occasions, made him reject all proposals of a delay, and mydreadful trial was thus fixed, unknown to me, for that very evening. 

At dinner, Mrs. Brown and Phoebe did nothing but run riot in praise ofthis wonderful cousin, and how happy that woman would be that he wouldfavour with his addresses; in short my two gossips exhausted alltheir rhetoric to persuade me to accept them: "that the gentleman wasviolently smitten with me at first sight; that he would make my fortuneif I would be a good girl and not stand in my own light; that I shouldtrust his honour; that I should be made for ever, and have a chariot togo abroad in, " with all such stuff as was fit to turn the head of sucha silly ignorant girl as I then was: but luckily here my aversion hadtaken already such deep root in me, my heart was so strongly defendedfrom him by my senses, that wanting the art to mask my sentiments, Igave them no hopes of their employer succeeding, at least very easily, with me. The glass too marched pretty quick, with a view, I suppose, tomake a friend of the warmth of my constitution, in the minutes of theimminent attack. 

Thus they kept me pretty long at table, and about six in the evening, after I had retired to my apartment, and the tea board was set, entersmy venerable mistress, followed close by that satyr, who came ingrinning in a way peculiar to him, and by his odious presence, confirmedme in all the sentiments of detestation which his first appearance hadgiven birth to. 

He sat down fronting me, and all tea time kept ogling me in a mannerthat gave me the utmost pain and confusion, all the mark of which hestill explained to be my bashfulness, and not being used to see company. 

Tea over, the commoding old lady pleady urgent business (which indeedwas true) to go out, and earnestly desired me to entertain her cousinkindly till she came back, both for my own sake and her; and then, witha "Pray, sir, be very good, be very tender to the sweet child, " she wentout of the room, leaving me staring, with my mouth open, and unpreparedby the suddenness of her departure, to oppose it. 

We were now alone; and on that idea a sudden fit of trembling seizedme. I was so afraid, without a precise notion of why, and what I hadto fear, that I sat on the settee, by the fire side, motionless andpetrified, without life or spirit, not knowing how to look or how tostir. 

But long I was not suffered to remain in this state of stupefaction: themonster squatted down by me on the settee, and without farther ceremonyor preamble, flings his arms about my neck, and drawing me prettyforcibly towards him, obliged me to receive, in spite of my strugglesto disengage from him, his pestilential kisses, which quite overcame me. Finding me then next to senseless, and unresisting, he tears off my neckhandkerchief, and laid all open there, to his eyes and hands: stillI endured all without flinching, till emboldened by my sufferance andsilence, for I had not the power to speak or cry out, he attempted tolay me down on the settee, and I felt his hand on the lower part of mynaked thighs, which were crossed, and which he endeavoured to unlock. Ohthen! I was roused out of my passive endurance, and springing from himwith an activity he was not prepared for, threw myself at his feet, andbegged him, in the most moving tone, not to be rude, and that he wouldnot hurt me. "Hurt you, my dear?" says the brute, "I intend you noharm. Has not the old lady told you that I love you? that I shall dohandsomely by you?"

"She has indeed, sir, " said I, "but I cannot love you, indeed I cannot!pray let me alone! yes! I will love you dearly if you will let me aloneand go away. " But I was talking to the wind, for whether my tears, my attitude, or the disorder of my dress proved fresh incentives, orwhether he was now under the dominion of desires he could not bridle, but snorting and foaming with lust and rage, he renews his attack, seizes me, and again attempts to extend and fix me on the settee:in which he succeeded so far as to lay me along, and even to toss mypetticoats over my head, and lay my thighs bare, which I obstinatelykept close, nor could he, though he attempted with his knee to forcethem open, effect it so as to stand fair for being master of the mainavenue; he was unbuttoned, both waistcoat and breeches, yet I onlyfelt the weight of his body upon me, whilst I lay struggling withindignation, and dying with terrors; but he stopped all of a sudden, andgot off, panting, blowing, cursing, and repeating "old and ugly!" for soI had very naturally called him in the heat of my defence. 

The brute had, it seems, as I afterwards understood, brought on, byhis eagerness and struggle, the ultimate period of his hot fit oflust, which his power was too short-lived to carry him through the fullexecution of; of which my thighs and linen received the effusion. 

When it was over he bid me, with a tone of displeasure, get up: "that hewould not do me the honour to think of me any more; that the old b----hmight look out for another cully; that he would not be fooled so byever a country mock modesty in England; that he supposed I had left mymaidenhead with some hobnail in the country, and was come to dispose ofmy skim-milk in town" with a volley of the like abuse; which I listenedto with more pleasure than ever fond woman did to protestations oflove from her darling minion: for, incapable as I was of receiving anyaddition to my perfect hatred and aversion to him, I looked on thisrailing, as my security against his renewing his most odious caress. 

Yet, plain as Mrs. Brown's views were now come out, I had not theheart, or spirit to open my eyes to them: still I could not part withmy dependence on that beldam, so much did I think myself hers, soul andbody: or rather, I sought to deceive myself with the continuation of mygood opinion of her, and choose to wait the worst at her hands, soonerthan be turned out to starve in the streets, without a penny of money ora friend to apply to these fears were my folly. 

While this confusion of ideas was passing in my head, and I satpensively by the fire, with my eyes brimming with tears, my neck stillbare, and my cap fallen off in the struggle, so that my hair was in thedisorder you may guess, the villain's lust began, I suppose, to be againin flow, at the sight of all that bloom of youth which presented itselfto his view, a bloom yet unenjoyed, and of course not yet indifferent tohim. 

After some pause, he asked me with a tone of voice mightily softer, whether I would make it up with him before the old lady returned, andall should be well; he would restore me to his affections, at thesame time offering to kiss me and feel my breasts. But now my extremeaversion, my fears, my indignation, all acting upon me, gave me a spiritnot natural to me, so that breaking loose from him, I ran to the belland rang it, with such violence and effect as to bring up the maid toknow what was the matter, or whether the gentleman wanted anything; andbefore he could proceed to greater extremities, she bounced into theroom, and seeing me stretched on the floor, my hair all dishevelled, mynose gushing out blood, which did not a little tragedize the scene, andmy odious persecutor still intent of pushing his brutal point, unmovedby all my cries and distress, she was herself confounded and did notknow what to do. 

As much, however, as Martha might be prepared and hardened totransactions of this sort, all womanhood must have been out of her heartcould she have seen this unmoved. Besides that, on the face of things, she imagined that matters had gone greater lengths than they really had, and that the courtesy of the house had been actually consummated on me, and flung: me into the condition I was in: in this notion she instantlytook my part, and advised the gentleman to go down and leave me torecover myself, and "that all would be soon over with me; that whenMrs. Brown and Phoebe, who were gone out, were returned, they would takeorder for everything to his satisfaction; that nothing would be lost bya little patience with the poor tender thing; that for her part she wasfrightened; she could not tell what to say to such doings; but that shewould stay by me till my mistress came home. " As the wench said allthis in a resolute tone, and the monster himself began to perceive thatthings would not mend by his staying, he took his hat and went out ofthe room murmuring and pitting his brows like an old ape, so that I wasdelivered from the horrors of his detestable presence. 

As soon as he was gone, Martha very tenderly offered me her assistancein anything, and would have got me some hartshorn drops and put me tobed; which last I, at first, positively refused, in the fear that themonster might return and take me at that disadvantage. However, withmuch persuasion and assurances that I should not be molested that nightshe prevailed on me to lie down; and indeed I was so weakened by mystruggles, so dejected by my fearful apprehension, so terror-struck, that I had not power to sit up, or hardly to give answers to thequestions with which the curious Martha plied and perplexed me. 

Such too, and so cruel was my fate, that I dreaded the sight of Mrs. Brown, as if I had been the criminal, and she the person injured; amistake which you will not think so strange, on distinguishing thatneither virtue nor principles had the least share in the defence I hadmade, but only the particular aversion I had conceived against thisfirst brutal and frightful invader of my tender innocence. 

I passed then the time till Mrs. Brown came home, under all theagitations of fear and despair that may easily be guessed. 

About eleven at night my two ladies came home, and having receivedrather a favourable account from Martha, who had run down to let themin, for Mr. Crofts (that was the name of my brute) was gone out of thehouse, after waiting till he had tired his patience for Mrs. Brown'sreturn, they came thundering up stairs, and seeing me pale, my facebloody, and all the marks of the most thorough dejection, they employedthemselves more to comfort and re-inspirit me than in making me thereproaches I was weak enough to fear, I who had so many juster andstronger to retort upon them. 

Mrs. Brown withdrawn, Phoebe came presently to bed to me, and whatwith the answers she drew from me, what with her own method of palpablysatisfying herself, she soon discovered that I had been more frightenedthan hurt; upon which I suppose, being herself seized with sleep, andreserving her lectures and instructions till the next morning, she leftme, properly speaking, to my unrest; for, later tossing and turningthe greatest part of the night, and tormenting myself with the falsestnotions and apprehensions of things, I fell, through mere fatigue intoa kind of delirious doze, out of which I waked late in the morning, ina violent fever: a circumstance which was extremely critical to reprieveme, at least for a time, from the attacks of a wretch, infinitely moreterrible to me than death itself. 

The interested care that was taken of me during my illness, in order torestore me to a condition of making good the bawd's engagements, or ofenduring further trials, had, however, such an effect on my gratefuldisposition that I even thought myself obliged to my un-doers for theirattention to promote my recovery; and, above all, for the keeping outof my sight of that brutal ravisher, the author of my disorder, on theirfinding I was too strongly moved at the bare mention of his name. 

Youth is soon raised, and a few days were sufficient to conquer the furyof my fever: but, what contributed most to my perfect recovery and to myreconciliation with life, was the timely news that Mr. Crofts, who was amerchant of considerable dealings, was arrested at the King's suit, for nearly forty thousand pounds, on account of his driving a certaincontraband trade, and that his affairs were so desperate, that even wereit in his inclination, it would not be in his power to renew his designsupon me: for he was instantly thrown into a prison, which it was notlikely he would get out of in haste. 

Mrs. Brown, who had touched his fifty guineas, advanced to so littlepurpose, and lost all hopes of the remaining hundred, began to look uponmy treatment of him with a more favourable eye; and as they had observedmy temper to be perfectly tractable and conformable to their views, allthe girls that composed her flock were suffered to visit me, and hadtheir cue to dispose me, by their conversation, to a perfect resignationof myself to Mrs. Brown's direction. 

Accordingly they were let in upon me, and all that frolic andthoughtless gaiety in which those giddy creatures consume eitherleisure, made me envy a condition of which I only saw the fair side;insomuch, that the being one of them became even my ambition: adisposition which they all carefully cultivated; and I wanted nownothing but to restore my health, that I might be able to undergo theceremony of the initiation. 

Conversation, example, in short all, contributed, in that house, tocorrupt my native parity, which had taken no root in education; whilstnow the inflammable principal of pleasure, so easily fired at my age, made strange work within me, and all the modesty I was brought up in thehabit, not the instruction of, began to melt away like dew before thesun's heat; not to mention that I made a vice of necessity, from theconstant fears I had of being turned out to starve. 

I was soon pretty well recovered, and at certain hours allowed to rangeall over the house, but cautiously kept from seeing any company till thearrival of Lord B----, from Bath, to whom Mrs. Brown, in respect to hisexperienced generosity on such occasions, proposed to offer the perusalof that trinket of mine, which bears so great an imaginary value; andhis lordship being expected in town in less than a fortnight, Mrs. Brownjudged I would be entirely renewed in beauty and freshness by that time, and afforded her the chance of a better bargain than she had driven withMr. Crofts. 

In the meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it, brought over, sotame to their whistle, that, had my cage door been set open, I had noidea that I ought to fly anywhere, sooner than stay where I was; nor hadI the least sense of regretting my condition, but waited very quietlyfor whatever Mrs. Brown should order concerning me; who on her side, byherself and her agents, took more than the necessary precautions to lulland lay asleep all just reflections on my destiny. 

Preachments of morality over the left shoulder; a life of joy painted inthe gayest colours; caresses, promises, indulgent treatment; nothing, in short, was wanting to domesticate me entirely and to prevent my goingout anywhere to get better advice. Alas! I dreamed of no such thing. 

Hitherto I had been indebted only to the girls of the house for thecorruption of my innocence: their luscious talk, in which modesty wasfar from respected, their description of their engagements with men, had given me a tolerable insight into the nature and mysteries of theirprofession, at the same time that they highly provoked an itch of floridwarm-spirited blood through every vein: but above all, my bed fellowPhoebe, whose pupil I more immediately was, exerted her talents ingiving me the first tinctures of pleasure: whilst nature, now warmedand wantoned with discoveries so interesting, piqued a curiosity whichPhoebe artfully whetted, and leading me from question to question of herown suggestion, explained to me all the mysteries of Venus. But I couldnot long remain in such a house as that, without being an eye-witness ofmore than I could conceive from her descriptions. 

One day, about twelve at noon, being thoroughly recovered of my fever, Ihappened to be in Mrs. Brown's dark closet, where I had not been halfan hour, resting upon the maid's bed, before I heard a rustling in thebed-chamber, separated from the closet only by two sash doors, beforethe glasses of which were drawn two yellow damask curtains, but not soclose as to exclude the full view of the room from any person in thecloset. 

I instantly crept softly and posted myself so, that seeing everythingminutely, I could not myself be seen; and who should come in but thevenerable mother Abbess herself! handed in by a tall, brawny youngHorse-grenadiers, moulded in the Hercules style: in fine, the choice ofthe most experienced dame, in those affairs, in all London. 

Oh! how still and hush did I keep at my stand, lest any noise shouldbaulk my curiosity, or bring Madam into the closet!

But I had not much reason to fear either, for she was entirely taken upwith her present great concern, that she had no sense of attention tospare to anything else. 

Droll was it to see that clumsy fat figure of her's flop down on thefoot of the bed, opposite to the closet door so that I had a full frontview of all her charms. 

Her paramour sat down by her: he seemed to be a man of very few words, and a great stomach; for proceeding instantly to essentials, he gave hersome hearty smacks, and thrusting his hands into her breasts, disengagedthem from her stays, in scorn of whose confinement they broke loose, andsagged down, navel-low at least. A more enormous pair did my eyesnever behold, nor of a worse colour, flagging, soft, and most lovinglycontiguous: yet such as they were, this great beef-eater seemed to pawthem with a most unenviable lust, seeking in vain to confine or coverone of them with a hand scarce less than a shoulder of mutton. Aftertoying with them thus some time, as if they had been worth it, he laidher down pretty briskly, and canting up her petticoats, made barelya mask of them to her broad red face, that blushed with nothing butbrandy. 

As he stood on one side, unbuttoning his waistcoat and breeches, her fatbrawny thighs hung down, and the whole greasy landscape lay fairly opento my view; a wide open mouthed gap, overshaded with a grizzly bush, seemed held out like a beggar's wallet for its provision. 

But I soon had my eyes called off by a more striking object thatentirely engrossed them. 

Her sturdy stallion had now unbuttoned, and produced naked, stiff anderect, that wonderful machine, which I had never seen before, and which, for the interest my own seat of pleasure began to take furiously in it, I stared at with all the eyes I had: however, my senses were too muchflurried, too much concentered in that now burning spot of mine, to observe anything more than in general the make and turn of thatinstrument; from which the instinct of nature, yet more than all I hadheard of it, now strongly informed me, I was to expect that supremepleasure which she had placed in the meeting of those parts so admirablyfitted for each other. 

Long, however, the young spark did not remain before giving it two orthree shakes, by way of brandishing it, he threw himself upon her, andhis back being now towards me, I could only take his being ingulphed forgranted, by the directions he moved in, and the impossibility of missingso staring a mark; and now the bed shook, the curtains rattled so thatI could scarce hear the sighs and murmurs, the heaves and pantings thataccompanied the action, from the beginning to the end; the sound andsight of which thrilled to the very soul of me, and made every vein ofmy body circulate liquid fires: the emotion grew so viol-lent that italmost intercepted my respiration. 

Prepared then, and disposed as I was by the discourse of my companions, and Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder that such a sightgave the last dying blow to my native innocence. 

Whilst they were in the heat of the action, guided by nature only, Istole my hand up my petticoats, and with fingers on fire, seized and yetmore inflamed that center of all my senses: my heart palpitated, as ifit would force its way through my bosom: I breathed with pain; I twistedmy thighs, squeezed and compressed the lips of that virgin slit, andfollowing mechanically the example of Phoebe's manual operation onit, as far as I could find admission, brought on at last the criticalecstasy, the melting flow, into which nature, spent with excess ofpleasure, dissolves and dies away. 

After which, my senses recovered coolness enough to observe the rest ofthe transaction between this happy pair. 

The young fellow had just dismounted, when the old lady immediatelysprung up, with all the vigour of youth, derived, no doubt, from herlate refreshment; and making him sit down, began in her turn to kisshim, to pat and pinch his cheeks, and play with his hair: all which hereceived with an air of indifference and coolness that showed him to bemuch altered from what he was when he first went on to the breach. 

My pious governess, however, not being above calling in auxiliaries, unlocks a little case of cordials that stood near the bed, and made himpledge her in a very plentiful dram: after which, and a little amorousparley, Madam set herself down upon the same place, at the bed's foot;and the young fellow standing sidewise by her, she, with the greatesteffrontery imaginable, unbuttons his breeches, and removing his shirt, draws out his affair, so shrunk and diminished, that I could not butremember the difference, now crest-fallen, or just faintly liftingits head: but our experience matron very soon, by chaffing it with herhands, brought it to swell to that size and erection I had before seenit up to. 

I admired then, upon a fresh account, and with a nicer survey, thetexture of that capital part of man: the flaming red head as it stooduncapt, the whiteness of the shaft, and the shrub growth of curling hairthat embrowned the foots of it, the roundish bag that dangled down fromit, all exacted my eager attention, and renewed my flame. But, as themain affair was now at the point the industrious dame had laboured tobring it to, she was not in the humour to put off the payment of herpains, but laying herself down, drew him gently upon her, and thus theyfinished, in the same manner as before, the old last act. 

This over, they both went out lovingly together, the old lady havingfirst made him a present, as near as I could observe, of three or fourpieces; he being not only her particular favourite on account of hisperformances, but a retainer to the house; from whose sight she hadtaken great care hitherto to secret me, lest he might not have hadpatience to wait for my lord's arrival, but have insisted on being histaster, which the old lady was under too much subjection to him to daredispute with him; for every girl of the house fell to him in course, and the old lady only now and then got her turn, in consideration of themaintenance he had, and which he could scarce be accused of not earningfrom her. 

As soon as I heard them go down-stairs, I stole up softly to my ownroom, out of which I had luckily not been missed; there I began tobreathe more free, and to give a loose to those warm emotions which thesight of such an encounter had raised in me, I laid me down on the bed, stretched myself out, joining and ardently wishing, and requiring anymeans to divert or allay the rekindled rage and tumult of my desires, which all pointed strongly to their pole: man. I felt about the bed asif I sought for something that I grasped in my waking dream, and notfinding it, could have cried for vexation; every part of me plowing withsimulated fires. At length, I resorted to the only present remedy, thatof vain attempts at digitation, where the small-ness of the theatre didnot yet afford room enough for action, and where the pain my fingersgave me, in striving for admission, though they procured me a slightsatisfaction for the present, started an apprehension which I could notbe easy till I had communicated to Phoebe and received her explanationsupon it. 

The opportunity, however, did not offer till next morning, for Phoebedid not come to bed till long after I was gone to sleep. As soon then aswe were both awake, it was but in course to bring our ly-a-bed chat tohand, on the subject of my uneasiness: to which a recital of the lovescene I had thus, by chance, been spectatress of, served for a preface. 

Phoebe could not hear it to the end without more than one interruptionby peals of laughter, and my ingenuous way of relating matters did not alittle heighten the joke to her. 

But, on her sounding me how the sight had affected me, without mincingor hiding the pleasurable emotions it had inspired me with, I toldher at the same time that one remark had perplexed me, and that veryconsiderably. "Aye!" says she, "what was that?" "Why, " replied I, "having very curiously and attentively compared the size of thatenormous machine, which did not appear, at least to my fearfulimagination, less than my wrist, and at least three of my hand-fulslong, to that of the tender small part of me which was framed to receiveit, I could not conceive its being possible to afford it entrancewithout dying, perhaps in the greatest pain, since she well knewthat even a finger thrust in there hurt me beyond bearing. As to mymistress's and yours, I can very plainly distinguish the differentdimensions of them from mine, palpable to the touch, and visible tothe eye; so that, in short, great as the promised pleasure may be, I amafraid of the pain of the experiment. "

Phoebe at this redoubled her laugh, and whilst I expected a very serioussolution of my doubts and apprehensions in this matter, only told methat "she never heard of a mortal wound being given in those parts, bythat terrible weapon, and that some she knew younger, and as delicatelymade as myself, had outlived the operation; that she believed, at theworst, I should take a great deal of liking; that true it was, there wasa great diversity of sizes in those parts, owing to nature, child-bearing, frequent over-stretching with unmerciful machines, but that at a certainage and habit of body, even the most experienced in those affairs couldnot well distinguish between the maid and the woman, supposing too anabsence of all artifice, in their natural situation: but that sincechance had thrown in my way one sight of that sort, she would procure meanother, that should feast my eyes more delicately, and go a great wayin the cure of my fears from that imaginary disproportion". 

On this she asked me if I knew Polly Phillips? "Undoubterly, " says I, "the fair girl which was so tender of me when I was sick, and has been, as you told me, but two months in the house. " "The same, " says Phoebe. "You must know then, she is kept by a young Genoes merchant, whom hisuncle, who is immensely rich, and whose darling he is, on a pretex ofsettling some accounts, but in reality to humour his inclinations fortravelling, and seeing the world. He met casually with this Polly oncein company, and taking a likning to her, makes it worth her while tokeep entirely to him. He comes to her here twice or thrice a week, andshe receives him in the light closet up one pair of stairs, where heenjoys her in a taste, I suppose, peculiar to the heat, or perhaps thecaprices of his own country, I say no more, but to-morrow being his day, you shall see what passes between them, from a place only known to yourmistress and myself. "

You may be sure, in the ply I was now taking, I had no objection to theproposal, and was rather a tip-toe for its accomplishments. 

At five in the evening next day, Phoebe, punctual to her promise, cameto me as I sat alone in my own room, and beckoned me to follow her. 

We went down the back stairs very softly, and opening the door of adark closet, where there was some old furniture kept, and some cases ofliquor, she drew me in after her, and fastened the door upon us, we hadno light but what came through a long crevice in the partition betweenours and the light closet, where the scene of action lay; so thatsitting on those low cases, we could, with the greatest ease, as well asclearness, see all objects (ourselves unseen), only by applying oureyes close to the crevice, where the moulding of a panel had warped, orstarted a little on the other side. 

The young gentleman was the first person I saw, with his back directlytowards me, looking at a print. Polly was not yet come: in less than aminute though, the door opened, and she came in; and at the noise thedoor made he turned about, and come to meet her, with an air of thegreatest tenderness and satisfaction. 

After saluting her, he led her to a coach that fronted us, where theyboth sat down, and the young Genoes helped her to a glass of wine, withsome Naples biscuits on a salver. 

Presently, when they had exchanged a few kisses, and questions in brokenEnglish on one side, he began to unbutton, and, in fine, stript unto hisshirt. 

As if this had been the signal agreed on for pulling off all theirclothes, a scheme which the heat of the season perfectly favoured, Pollybegan to draw her pins, and as she had no stays to unlace, she was in atrice, with her gallant's officious assistance, undressed to all but hershift. 

When he saw this, his breeches were immediately loosened, waist andknee bands, and slipped over his ankles, clean off; his shirt collar wasunbottoned too: then, first giving Polly an encouraging kiss, he stole, as it were, the shift off the girl, who being, I suppose, broke andfamiliarized to this humour, blushed indeed, but less than I did at theapparition of her, now standing stark naked, just as she came ont ofthe hands of pure nature, with her black hair loose and a-float down herdazzling white neck and shoulders, whilst the deepened carnation of hercheeks went off gradually into the hue of glazed snow: for such were theblended tints polish of her skin. 

This girl could not be above eighteen: her face regular and sweetfeatured, her shape exquisite; nor could I help envying her two ripeenchanting breasts, finely plumped out in flesh, but withal so round, sofirm, that they sustained themselves, in scorn of any stay: then theirnipples, pointing different ways, marked their pleasing separation;beneath them lay the delicious tract of the belly, which terminated ina parting of rift scarce discerning, that modesty seemed to retiredownward, and seek shelter between two plump fleshy thighs: the curlinghair that overspread its delightful front, clothed it with the richestsable fur in the universe: in short, she was evidently a subject for thepainters to court her, sitting to them for a pattern female beauty, inall the true pride and pomp of nakedness. 

The young Italian (still in his shirt) stood gazing and transported atthe sight of beauties that might have fired a dying hermit; his eagereyes devoured her, as she shifted attitudes at his discretion: neitherwere his hands excluded their share of the high feast, but wandered, onthe hunt of pleasure, over every part and inch of her body, so qualifiedto afford the most exquisite sense of it. 

In the mean time time, one could not help observing the swell of hisshirt before, that bolstered out, and pointed out the condition ofthings behind the curtain: but he soon removed it, by slipping his shirtover his head; and now, as to nakedness, they had nothing to reproachone another. 

The young gentleman, by Phoebe's guess, was about two and twenty; talland well limbed. His body was finely formed, and of a most vigorousmake, square shouldered, and broad chested: his face was not remarkableany way, but for a nose inclining to the Roman, eyes large, black, andsparkling, and a ruddiness in his cheeks that was the more a grace; forhis complexion was of the brownest, not of that dusky dun colour whichexcludes, the idea of freshness, but of that clear, olive gloss, whichglowing with life, dazzles perhaps less than fairness, and yet pleasesmore, when it pleases at all. His hair being too short to tie fell nolower than his neck, in short easy curls; and he had a few sprigs abouthis paps, that garnished his chest in a style of strength and manliness. Then his grand movement, which seemed to rise out of a thicket ofcurling hair, that spread from the root all over his thighs and belly upto the navel, stood stiff and upright, but of a size to frighten me, bysympathy for the small tender part which was the object of its fury, and which now lay exposed to my fairest view; for he had, immediatelyon stoppings off his shirt, gently pushed her down on the couch, whichstood conveniently to break her willing fall. Her thighs were spread outto their utmost extention, and discovered between them the mark of thesex, the red-centered cleft of flesh, whose lips vermillioning inwards, expressed a small ruby line in sweet miniature, such as Guide's touch orcolouring: could never attain to the life or delicacy of. 

Phoebe, at this, gave me a gentle jog, to prepare me for a whisperquestion: "Whether I thought my little maiden-head was much less?" Butmy attention was too much engrossed, too much inwrapped with all I saw, to be able to give her any answer. 

By this time the young gentelman had changed her posture from lyingbreadth to length-wise on the coach: but her thighs were still spread, and the mark lay fair for him, who now kneeling between them, displayedto us a side view of that fierce erect machine of his, which threatenedno less than splitting the tender victim, who lay smiling at theuplifted stroke, nor seemed to decline it. He looked upon his weaponhimself with some pleasure, and guiding it with his hand to theinviting; slit, drew aside the lips, and lodged it (after some thrusts, which Polly seemed even to assist) about half way; but there it stuck, Isuppose from its growing thickness: he draws it again, and just wettingit with spittle, re-enters, and with ease sheathed it now up to thehilt, at which Polly gave a deep sigh, which was quite another tone thanone of pain; he thrusts, she heaves, at first gently, and in a regularcadence; but presently the transport began to be too violent to observeany order or measure; their motions were too rapid, their kisses toofierce' and fervent for nature to support such fury long: both seemed tome out of themselves: their eyes darted fires: "Oh! oh! I can't bear it. It is too much. I die. I am going, " were Polly's expressions of extasy:his joys were more silent: but soon broken murmurs, sighs heart-fetched, and at length a dispatching thrust, as if he would have forced himselfup her body, and then the motionless languor of all his limbs, allshewed that the die-away moment was come upon him; which she gave signsof joining with by, the wild throwing of her hands about, closing hereyes, and giving a deep sob, in which she seemed to expire in an agonyof bliss. 

When he had finished his stroke, and got from off her, she lay stillwithout the least motion, breathless, as it should seem, with pleasure. He replaced her again breadth-wise on the couch, unable to sit up, withher thighs open, between which I could observe a kind of white liquid, like froth, hanging about the outward lips of that recently openedwound, which now glowed with a deeper red. Presently she gets up, andthrowing her arms round him, seemed far undelighted with the trial hehad put her to, to judge, at least by the fondness with which she eyed, and hung upon him. 

For my part, I will not pretend to describe what I felt over me duringthis scene; but from that instant, adieu all fears of what man cando unto me! they were now changed into such ardent desires, suchungovernable longings, that I could have by the sleeve, and offered himthe bauble, which I now imagined the loss of would be a gain I could nottoo soon procure myself. 

Phoebe, who had more experience, and to whom such sights were not sonew, could not however, be unmoved at so warm a scene; and drawing meaway softly from the peeping hole, for fear of being overheard, guidedme as the door as possible, all passive and obedient to her leastsignals. 

Here was no room either to sit or lie, but making me stand with my backtowards the door, she lifted up my petticoats, and with her busy fingersfell to visit and explore that part of me, where I was perfectly sickand ready to die with desire; that the bare touch of her finger, inthat critical place, had the effect of a fire to a train, and her handinstantly made her sensible to what a pitch I was wound up, and meltedby the sight she had thus procured me. Satisfied then with her success, in allaying a heat that would have made me impatient of seeing thecontinuation of the transactions between our amourous couple, shebrought me again to the crevice, so favourable to our curiosity. 

We had certainly been but a few instants away from it, and yet on ourreturn we saw everything in good forwardness for recommencing the tenderhostilities. 

The young foreigner was sitting down, fronting us, on the coach, withPolly upon one knee, who had her arms round his neck, whilst the extremewhiteness of her skin was not undelightfully contrasted by the smoothglossy brown of her lover's. 

But who could count the fierce, unnumbered kisses given and taken?In which I could often discover their mouths were double tongued, and seemed to favour the mutual insertion with the greatest gust anddelight. 

In the meantime, his red-headed champion, that had so lately fled thepit, quelled and abashed, was now recovered to the top of his condition, perked and crested up between Polly's thighs, who was not wanting, onher part, to coax and keep it in good humour, stroking it, with herhead down, and receiving even its velvet tip between the lips of notits proper mouth: whether it was to render it more glib and easy ofentrance, I could not tell; but it had such an effect, that the younggentleman seemed by his eyes, that sparkled with more excited lustre, and his inflamed countenance, to receive increase of pleasure. He gotup, and taking Polly in his arms, embraced her, and said something toosoftly for me to hear, leading her withal to the foot of the couch, andtaking delight to slap her thighs and posteriors with that stiff sinewof his, which hit them with a spring that he gave it with his hand, andmade them resound again, but her about as much as he meant to hurt her, for she seemed to have as frolic a taste as himself. 

But guess my surprise, when I saw the lazy young rogue lie down on hisback, and gently pull down Polly upon him, who giving way to his humour, stradled, and with her hands conducted her blind favourite to the rightplace; and following her impulse, ran directly upon the flaming point ofthis weapon of pleasure, which she staked herself upon, up pierced, andinfixed to the extremest hair breadth of it: thus she sat on him a fewinstants, enjoying and relishing her situation, whilst he toyed withher provoking breasts. Sometimes she would stoop to meet his kiss: butpresently the sting of pleasure spurred them up to fiercer action; thenbegan the storm of heaves, which, from the undermost combatant, werethrust at the same time, he crossing his hands over her, and drawingher home to him with a sweet violence: the inverted strokes of anvilover hammer soon brought on the critical period, in which all the signsof a close conspiring extasy informed us of the point they were at. 

For me, I could bear to see no more; I was so overcome, so inflamed atthe second part of the same play, that, mad to an intolerable degree, I hugged, I clasped Phoebe, as if she had wherewithal to relieve me. Pleased however with, and pitying the taking she could feel me in, shedrew towards the door, and opening it softly as she could, we both gotoff undiscovered, and reconducted me to my own room, where, unable tokeep my legs, in the agitation I was in, I instantly threw myself downon the bed, where I lay transported, though ashamed at what I felt. 

Phoebe lay down by me, and asked me archly, "if, now that I had seenthe enemy, and fully considered him, I was still afraid of him? or didI think I could come to a close engagement with him?" To all which, not aword on my side; I sighed, and could scarcely breathe. She takes holdof my hand, and having rolled up her own petticoats, forced it halfstrivingly, towards those parts, where, now grown more knowing, I missedthe main object of my wishes; and finding not even the shadow of what Iwanted, where every thing was so fiat, or so hollow, in the vexationI was in at it. I should have withdrawn my hand, but for fear ofdisobliging her. Abandoning it then entirely to her management, she madeuse of it as she thought proper, to procure herself rather the shadowthan the substance of any pleasure. For my part, I now pined for moresolid food, and promised tacitly to myself that I would not be put offmuch longer with this foolery of woman to woman, of Mrs. Brown did notsoon provide me with the essential specific. In short, I had all the airof not being able to wait the arrival of my lord B----, though he wasnow expected in a very fews days: nor did I wait for him, for loveitself took charge of the disposal of me, in spite of interest, or grosslust. 

It was now two days after the closet scene, that I got up about six inthe morning, and leaving my bedfellow fast asleep, stole down, with noother thought than of taking a little fresh air in a small garden, whichour back parlour opened into, and from which my confinement debarred me, at the times company came to my house; but now sleep and silence reignedall over it. 

I opened the parlour door, and well surprised was I at seeing, by theside of a fire half-out, a young gentleman in the old lady's elbowchair, with his legs laid upon another, fast asleep, and left there byhis thoughtless companions, who had drank him down, and then went offwith every one but his mistress, whilst he stayed behind by the courtesyof the old matron, who would not disturb or turn him out in thatcondition at one in the morning; and beds, it is more than probablethere were none to spare. On the table still remained the punch bowl andglasses, stewed about in their usual disorder after a drunken revel. 

But when I drew nearer, to view the sleeping estray, heavens! whata sight! No! term of years, no turn of fortune could ever eraze thelightninglike impression his form made on me. Yes! dearest object ofmy earliest passion, I command for ever the remembrance of thy firstappearance to my ravished eyes, it calls thee up, present; and I seethee now. 

Figure to yourself, Madam, fair stripling between eighteen and nineteen, with his head reclined on one of the sides of the chair, his hairdisordered curls, irregularly shading a face, on which all the roseatebloom of youth and all the manly graces conspired to fix my eyesand heart; even the languour and paleness of his face, in which themomentary triumph of the lily over the rose was owing to the excessesof the night, gave an inexpressible sweetness to the finest featuresimaginable: his eyes, closed in sleep, displayed the meeting edges oftheir lids beautifully bordered with long eye-lashes; over which nopencil could have described two more regular arches than those thatgraced his forehead, which was high, perfectly white and smooth; then apair of vermilion lips, pouting and swelling to the touch, as if a beehad freshly stung them, seemed to challenge me to get the gloves offthis lovely sleeper, had not the modesty and respect, which in bothsexes are inseparable from a true passion, checked my impulses. 

But on seeing his shirt collar unbottoned, and bosom whiter than a driftof snow, the pleasure of considering it could not bribe me to lengthenit, at the hazard of a health that began to be my life's concern. Love, that made me timid, taught me to be tender too: with a trembling handI took hold of one of his, and waking him as gently as possible, hestarted, and looking, at first a little wildly, said with a voice thatsent its harmonious sound to my heart: "Pray, child, what-a-clock isit?" I told him, and added that he might catch cold if he slept longerwith his breast open in the cool of the morning air. On this he thankedme with a sweetness perfectly agreeing with that of his features andeyes; the last now broad open, and eagerly surveying me, carried thesurightly fires they sparkled with directly to my heart. 

It seems, that having drank too freely before he came upon the rake withsome of his young companions, he had put himself out of a condition togo through all the weapons with them, and crown the night with a gettinga mistress; so that seeing me in a loose undress, he did not doubt but Iwas one of the misses of the house, sent in to repair his loss of time;but though he seized that notion, and a very obvious one it was, withouthesitation, yet, whether my figure made a more than ordinary impressionon him, or whether it was his natural politeness, he addressed me ina manner far from rude, though still on the foot of one of the housepliers come to amuse him; and giving me the first kiss that I everrelished from man in my life, asked me if I could favour him with mycompany, assuring me that he would make it worth my while: but hadnot even new-born love, that true refiner of lust, opposed so sudden asurrender, the fear of being surprised by the house was a sufficient barto my compliance. 

I told him then, in a tone set by love itself, that for reasons I hadnot time to explain to him. I could not stay with him, and might evenever see him again, with a sigh at these words, which broke from thebottom of my heart. My conqueror, who, as he afterwards told me, hadbeen struck with my appearance, and liked me as much as he could thinkof liking any one in my supposed way of life, asked me briskly at once, if I would be kept by him, and that he would take a lodging for medirectly, and relieve me from any engagements he presumed I might beunder to the house. 

Rash, sudden, undigested, even dangerous as this offer might be from aperfect stranger, and that stranger a giddy boy, the prodigious loveI was struck with for him, had put a charm into every objection: I notresisting, and blinded me to every objection; I could, at that instant, have died for him: think if I could resist an invitation to live withhim! Thus my heart, beating strong to the proposal, dictated my answer, after scarce a minute's pause, that I would accept of his offer, andmake my escape to him in what way he pleased, and that I would beentirely at his disposal, let it be good or bad. I have often sincewondered that so great an easiness did not disgust him, or make me toocheap in his eyes, but my fate had so appointed it, that in his fears ofthe hazzard of the town, he had been some time looking out for a girl totake into keeping, and my person happening to hit his fancy, it was byone of those miracles reserved to love, that we struck the bargain inthe instant, which we sealed by an exchange of kisses, that the hopes ofa more uninterrupted enjoyment engaged him to content himself with. 

Never, however, did dear youth carry in his head more wherewithto justify the turning of a girl's head, and making her set allconsequences at defiance, for the sake of following a gallant. 

For, besides all the perfections of manly beauty which were assembled inhis form, he had an air of neatness and gentility, certain smartness inthe carriage and port of his head, that yet more distinguished him; hiseyes were sprightly and full of meaning; his looks had in them somethingat once sweet and commanding; his complexion out-bloomed the lovelycoloured rose, whilst its inimitable tender vivid glow clearly savedit from the reproach of wanting life, of raw and dough-like, which iscommonly made of those so extremely fair as he was. 

Our little plan was, that I should get out about seven the next morning(which I could readily promise, as I knew where to get the key of thestreet door) and he would wait at the end of the street with a coachto convey me safe off; after which, we would send, and clear any debtincurred by my stay at Mrs. Brown's, who, he only judged, in gross, might not care to part with one, he thought, so fit to draw custom tothe house. 

I then just hinted to him not to mention in the house his having seensuch a person as me, for reasons I would explain to him more at leisure. And then, for fear of miscarrying, by being seen together, I tore myselffrom him with a bleeding heart, and stole up softly to my room, whereI found Phoebe still fast asleep, and hurrying off my few clothes, lay down by her, with a mixture of joy and anxiety, that may be easierconceived than expressed. 

The risks of Mrs. Brown's discovering my purpose, of disappointments, misery, ruin, all vanished before this new-kindled flame. The seeing, the touching, the being, if but for a night, with this idol of myfond virgin heart, appeared to me a happiness above the purchase of myliberty or life. He might use me ill, let him: he was the master, happy, too happy, even to receive death at so dear a hand. 

To this purpose were the reflections of the whole day, of which everyminute seemed to me a little eternity. How often did I visit the clock!nay, was tempted to advance the tedious hand, as if that would haveadvanced the time with it! Had those of the house had the leastobservations on me, they must have remarked something extraordinary fromthe discomposure I could not help betraying; especially when at dinnermention was made of the charmingest youth having been there, and stayedbreakfast. "Oh! he was such a beauty!. .. I should have died for him!. .. They would pull caps for him!. .. " and the like fooleries; which, however, was throwing oil on a fire I was sorely put to it to smotherthe blaze of. 

The fluctuations of my mind, the whole day, produced one good effect:which was, that, through mere fatigue, I slept tolerably well till fivein the morning, when I got up, and having dressed myself, waited, underthe double tortures of fear and impatience, for the appointed hour. It came at last, the dear, critical, dangerous hour came; and now, supported only by the courage love lent me, I ventured, a tip-toe, downstairs, leaving my box behind, for fear of being surprized with it ingoing out. 

I got to the street door, the key whereof was always laid on thechair by our bed side, in trust with Phoebe, who having not the leastsuspicion of my entertaining any design to go from them (nor, indeed, had I, but the day before), made no reserve or concealment of it fromme. I opened the door with great ease; love, that emboldened, protectedme too: and now, got safe into the street, I saw my new guardian angelwaiting at a coach door, ready open. How I got to him I know not: Isuppose I flew; but I was in the coach in a trice, and he by the side ofme, with his arms clasped round me, and giving me the kiss of welcome. The coachman had his orders, and drove to them. 

My eyes were instantly filled with tears, but tears of the mostdelicious delight; to find myself in the arms of that beauteous youth, was a rapture that my little hear swam in; past or future were equallyout of the question with me; the present was as much as all my powersof life were sufficient to bear the transport of, without fainting. Norwere the most tender embraces, the most soothing expressions wantingon his side, to assure me of his love, and of never giving me cause torepent the bold step I had taken, in throwing myself thus entirely uponhis honour and generosity. But, alas! this was no merit in me, for I wasdrove to it by a passion too impetuous for me to resist, and, I did whatI did, because I could not help it. 

In an instant, for time was now annihilated with me, we were landed at apublic house in Chelsea, hospitably commodious for the reception of duetparties of pleasure, where a breakfast of chocolate was prepared for us. 

An old jolly stager, who kept it, and understood life perfectly well, breakfasted with us, and leering archly at me, gave us both joy, andsaid, "we were well paired, i' faith! that a great many gentlemen andladies used his house, but he had never seen a handsomer couple. .. Hewas sure I was a fresh piece. .. I looked so country, so innocent! wellmy spouse was a lucky man!. .. " all which, common landlord's cant, notonly pleased and soothed me, but helped to diver my confusion at beingwith my new sovereign, whom, the minute approached, I began to fear tobe alone with: a timidity which true love had a greater share in thaneven maiden bashful-ness. 

I wished, I doated, I could have died for him; and yet, I know not how, or why I dreaded the point which had been the object of my fiercestwishes; my pulses beat fears, amidst a flush of the warmest desires. This struggle of the passions, however, this conflict betwixt modestyand lovesick longings, made me burst again into tears; which he took, ashe had done before, only for the remains of concern and emotion at thesuddenness of my change of condition, in committing myself to his care;and, in consequence of that idea, did and said all that he thought wouldmost comfort and re-inspirit me. 

After breakfast, Charles (the dear familiar name I must take the libertyhenceforward to distinguish my Adonis by), with a smile full of meaning, took me gently by the hand, and said: "Come, my dear, I will show youa room that commands a fine prospect over some gardens"; and withoutwaiting for an answer, in which he relieved me extremely, he led me upinto a chamber, airy and lightsome, where all seeing of prospects wasout of the question, except that of a bed, which had all the air ofrecommending the room to him. 

Charles had just slipped the bolt of the door, and running, caught me inhis arms, and lifting me from the ground, with his lips glued to mine, bore me trembling, panting, dying with soft fears and tender wishes, tothe bed; where his impatience would not suffer him to undress me, morethan just unpinning my handkerchief and gowns, and unlacing my stays. 

My bosom was now bare, and rising in the warmest throbs, presented tohis sight and feeling the firm hard swell of a pair of young breast, such as may be imagined of a girl not sixteen, fresh out of the country, and never before handled: but even their pride, whiteness, fashion, pleasing resistance to the touch, could not bribe his restless handsfrom roving; but, giving them the loose, my petticoats and shift weresoon taken up, and their stronger center of attraction laid open totheir tender invasion. My fears, however, made me mechanically closemy thighs; but the very touch of his hand insinuated between them, disclosed them and opened a way for the main attack. 

In the mean time, I lay fairly exposed to the examination of his eyesand hands, quiet and unresisting; which confirmed him the opinion heproceeded so cavalierly upon, that I was no novice in these matters, since he had taken me out of a common bawdy house, nor had I said onething to prepossess him of my virginity; and if I had, he would soonerhave believed that I took him for a cully that would swallow such animprobability, than that I was still mistress of that darling treasure, that hidden mine, so eagerly sought after by the men, and which theynever dig for, but to destroy. 

Being now too high wound up to bear a delay, he unbuttoned, and drawingout the engine of love assaults, drove it currently, as at a readymade breach. .. Then! then! for the first time, did I feel that stiffhorn-hard gristle, battering against the tender part; but imagine toyourself his surprise, when he found, after several vigorous pushes, which hurt me extremely, that he made not the least impression. 

I complained, but tenderly complained: "I could not bear it. .. Indeedhe hurt me!. .. " Still he thought no more, than that being so young, thelargeness of his machine (for few men could dispute size with him) madeall the difficulty; and that possibly I had not been enjoyed by any soadvantageously made in that part as himself: for still, that my virginflower was yet un-cropped, never entered into his head, and he wouldhave thought it idling with time and words, to have questioned me uponit. 

He tried again, still no admittance, still no penetration; but he hadhurt me yet more, while my extreme love made me bear extreme pain, almost without a groan. At length, after repeated fruitless trials, helay down panting by me, kissed my falling tears, and asked me tenderly"what was the meaning of so much complaining? and if I had not borne itbetter from other than I did from him?" I answered, with a simplicityframed to persuade, that he was the first mam that ever served me so. Truth is powerful, and it is not always that we do not believe what weeagerly wish. 

Charles, already disposed by the evidence, of his senses to think mypretences to virginity not entirely apocryphal, smothers me with kisses, begs me, in the-name of love, to have a little patience, and that hewilt be as tender of hurting me as he would be of himself. . 

Alas! it was enough I knew his pleasure to submit joyfully to him, whatever pain I foresaw it would cost, me. 

He now resumes his attempts in more form: first, he put one of thepillows under me, to give the blank of his aim a more favourableelevation, and another Under my head, in ease of it; then spreading mythighs, and placing himself standing betwen them, made them rest uponhis; applying then the point of his machine to the slit, into which hesought entrance, it was so small, he could scarce assure himself of itsbeing rightly pointed. He looks, he feels, and satisfies himself:there driving on with fury, its prodigious stiffness, thus impacted, wedgelike, breaks the union of those parts, and gained him just theinsertion of the tip of it, lip deep; which being sensible of, heimproved his advantage, and following well his stroke, in a straightline, forcibly deepens his penetration; but put me to such intolerablepain, from the separation of the sides of that soft passage by a hardthick body, I could have screamed out; but, as I was unwilling to alarmthe house, I held in my breath, and crammed my petticoat, which was;turned up over my face, into my mouth, and bit it through in the agony. At length, the tender texture of that tract giving way to such fiercetearing and rending, he pierced something further into me: and now, outrageous and no longer his own master, but borne headlong away by thefury and over-mettle of that member, now exerting itself with a kindof native rage, he breaks in, carries all before him, and one violentmerciless lunge, sent it, imbrued, and reeking with virgin blood, upto the very hilt in me. .. Then! then all my resolution deserted me: Iscreamed out, and fainted away with the sharpness of the pain; and, ashe told me afterwards, on his drawing out, when emission was over withhim, my thighs were instantly all in a stream of blood, that flowed fromthe wounded torn passage. 

When I recovered my senses, I found myself undressed and a-bed, in thearms of the sweet relenting murderer of my virginity, who hung mourningtenderly over me, and holding in his hand a cordial, which, coming fromthe still dear author of so much pain, I could not refuse; my eyes, however, moistened with tears, and languishingly turned upon him, seemedto reproach him with his cruelty, and ask him, if such were the rewardsof love. But Charles, to whom I was now infinitely endeared by hiscomplete triumph over a maidenhead, where he so little expected to findone, in tenderness to that pain which he had put me to, in procuringhimself the height of pleasure, smothered his exultation, and employedhimself with so much sweetness, so much warmth, to sooth, to caress, andcomfort me in my soft complainings, which breathed, indeed, more lovethan resentment, that I presently drowned all sense of pain in thepleasure of seeing him, of thinking that I belonged to him: he who wasnow the absolute disposer of my happiness, and, in one word, my fate. 

The sore was, however, too tender, the wound too bleeding fresh, forCharles's good-nature to put my patience presently to another trial; butas I could not stir, or walk a-cross the room, he ordered the dinnerto be brought to the bed side, where it could not be otherwise than mygetting down the wing of a fowl, and two or three glasses of wine, sinceit was my adored youth who both served, and urged them on me, with thatsweet irresistible authority with which love had invested him over me. 

After dinner, and everything but the wine was taken away, Charles veryimpudently asks a leave, he might read the grant of in my eyes, to cometo bed to me, and accordingly falls to undressing; which I could not seethe progress of without strange emotions of fear and pleasure. 

He is now in bed with me the first time, and in broad day; but whenthrusting up his own shirt and my shift, he laid his naked glowing bodyto mine. .. Oh insupportable delight! oh! superhuman rapture! what paincould stand before a pleasure so transporting? I felt no more the smartof my wounds below; but, curling round him like the tendril of a vine, as if I feared any part of him should be untouched or unpressed by me, Ireturned his strenuous embraces and kisses with a fervour and gust onlyknown to true love, and which mere lust never rise to. 

Yes, even at this time, that all the tyranny of the passions is fullyover, and that my veins roll no longer but a cold tranquil stream, theremembrance of those passages that most affected me in my youth, stillcheers and refreshes me; let me proceed then. My beauteous youth was nowglued to me in all the folds and twists that we could make our bodiesmeet in; when, no longer able to rein in the fierceness of refresheddesires, he gives his steed the head, and gently insinuating his thighsbetween mine, stopping my mouth with kisses of humid fire, makes a fresheruption, and renewing his thrusts, pierces, tears, and forces his wayup the torn tender folds, that yielded him admission with a smart littleless severe that when the breach was first made I stifled, however, mycries, and bore him with the passive fortitude of an heroine; soon histhrusts, more and more furious, cheeks flushed with a deeper scarlet, his eyes turned up in the fervent fit, some dying sighs, and anagonizing shudder, announced the approaches of that extatic pleasure, Iwas yet in too much pain to come in for my share of. 

Nor was it till after a few enjoyments had numbed and blunted thesense of the smart, and given me to feel the titillating inspersion ofbalsamic sweets, drew from me the delicious return, and brought down allmy passion, that I arrived at excess of pleasure through excess of pain. But, when successive engagements had broke and inured me, I began toenter into the true unalloyed relish of that pleasure of pleasures, whenthe warm gush darts through all the ravished inwards; what floods ofbliss! what melting transports! what agonies of delight! too fierce, too mighty for nature to sustain?. .. Well has she therefore, no doubtprovided the relief of a delicious momentary dissolution, the approachesof which are intimated by a dear delirium, a sweet thrill, on the pointof emitting those liquid sweets, in which enjoyment itself is drowned, when one gives the languishing stretch out, and die at the discharge. 

How often, when the rage and tumult of my senses had subsided, afterthe melting flow, have I, in a tender meditation, asked myself cooly thequestion, if it was in nature for any of its creatures to be so happy asI was? Or, what were all fears of the consequence, put in the scale ofone night's enjoyment, of any thing so transcendently the taste of myeyes and heart, as that delicious, fond, matchless youth. 

Thus we spent the whole afternoon, till supper time in a continuedcircle of love delights, kissing, turtle-billing, toying, and all therest of the feast. At length, supper was served in, before which Charleshad, for I do not know what reason, slipped his clothes on; and sittingdown by the bed side, we made table and tablecloth of the bed andsheets, whilst he suffered nobody to attend or serve but himself. Heate with a very good appetite, and seemed charmed to see me eat. Formy part, I was so transported with the comparison of the delights Inow swam in, with the insipidity of all my past scenes of life, that Ithought them sufficiently cheap, at even the price of my ruin, or therisk of their not lasting. The present possession was all my little headcould find room for. 

We lay together that night, when, after playing repeated prizes ofpleasure, nature, overspent and satisfied, gave us up to the arms ofsleep: those of my dear youth encircled me, the consciousness of whichmade even that sleep more delicious. 

Late in the morning I waked, first; and observing my lover sleptprofoundly, softly disengaged myself from his arms, scarcely daring tobreathe, for fear of shortening his repose; my cap, my hair, my shift, were all in disorder, from the rufflings I had undergone; and I tookthis opportunity to adjust and set them as well as I could: whilst, every now and then, looking at the sleeping youth, with inconceivablefondness and delight, and reflecting on all the pain he had put me to, tacitly owned that the pleasure had overpaid me for my sufferings. 

It was then broad day. I was sitting up in the bed, the clothes ofwhich were all tossed, or rolled off, by the unquietness of our motions, from the sultry heat of the weather; nor could I refuse myself apleasure that solicited me so irresistibly, as this fair occasion offeasting my sight with all those treasures of youthful beauty I hadenjoyed, and which lay now almost entirely naked, his shirt beingtrussed up in a perfect wisp, which the warmth of the season and roommade me easy about the consequence of. I hung over him enamoured indeed!and devoured all his naked charms with only two eyes, when I could havewished them at least an hundred for the fuller enjoyment of the gaze. 

Oh! could I paint his figure as I see it now, still present to mytransported imagination! a whole length of an all perfect manly beautyin full view. Think of a face without a fault, glowing with all theopening bloom and verdant freshness of an age, in which beauty is ofeither sex, and which the first down over his upper lip scarce began todistinguish. 

The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seemed to exhale an airsweeter and purer than what it drew in: ah! what violence did it notcost me to refrain the so tempted kiss!

Then a neck exquisitely turned, graved behind and on the sides with faishair, playing freely in natural ringlets, connected his head to a bodyof the most perfect form, and of the most vigorous contexture, in whichall the strength of manhood was concealed, and softened to appearanceby the delicacy of his complexion, the smoothness of his skin, and theplumpness of his flesh. 

The platform of his snow white bosom, that was laid out in a manlyproportion, presented, on the vermilion summit of each pap, the idea ofa rose about to blow. 

Nor did his shirt hinder me from observing the symmetry of his limbs, that exactness of shape, in the fall of it towards the loins, where thewaist ends and the rounding swell of the hips commences; where the skin, sleek, smooth, and dazzling white, burnishes on; the stretch-over firm, plump, ripe flesh, that crimped' and ran into dimples at the leastpressure, or that the touch could not rest upon, but slid over on thesurface of the most polished ivory. 

His thighs, finely fashioned, and with a florid glossy roundness, gradually tapering away to the knees, seemed pillars worthy to supportthat beauteous frame at the bottom of which I could not, withoutsome remains of terror, some tender emotions too, fix my eyes on thatterrible machine, which had, not long before, with such fury broke into, torn, and almost ruined those soft, tender parts of mine, that had notyet done smarting with the effects of its rage; but behold it now! crestfallen, reclining its half-caped vermilion head over one of his thighs, quiet, pliant, and to all appearances incapable of the mischiefs andcruelty it had committed. Then the beautiful growth of the hair, inshort and soft curls round its roots, its whiteness, branched veins, thesupple softness of the shaft, as it lay foreshortened, rolled andshrunk up into a squat thickness, languid, and borne up from betweenhis thighs, by its globular appendage, that wondrous treasure bagof nature's sweets, which revelled round, and pursed up in theonly wrinkles that are known to please, perfected the prospect, andaltogether formed the most interesting moving picture in nature, andsurely infinitely superior to those nudities furnished by the painters, statuaries, or any art, which are purchased at immense prices; whilstthe sight of them in actual life is scarce sovereignly tasted by anybut the few whom nature has endowed with a fire of imagination, warmlypointed by a truth of judgment to the spring-head, the originals ofbeauty, of nature's unequalled composition, above all the imitations ofart, or the reach of wealth to pay their price. 

But every thing must have an end. A motion made by this angelic youth, in the listlessness of goingoff sleep, replaced his shirt and the bedclothes in a posture that shut up that treasury from longer view. 

I lay down then, and carrying my hands to that part of me in which theobjects just seen had begun to raise a mutiny, that prevailed over thesmart of them, my fingers now opened themselves an easy passage; butlong I had not time to consider the wide difference there, betweenthe maid and the now finished woman, before Charles waked, and turningtowards me, kindly enquired how I had rested? and, scarce giving me timeto answer, imprinted on my lips one of his burning rapture kisses, whichdarted a flame to my heart, that from thence radiated to every part ofme; and presently, as if he had proudly meant revenge for the survey Ihad smuggled of all his naked beauties, he spurns off the bed clothes, and trussing up my shift as high as it would go, took his turn to feasthis eyes on all the gifts nature had bestowed on my person; his busyhands, too, ranged intemperately over every part of me. The deliciousausterity and hardness of my yet unripe budding breasts, the whitenessand firmness of my flesh, the freshness and regularity of my features, the harmony of my limbs, all seemed to confirm him in his satisfactionwith his bargain; but when curious to explore the havock he had madein the centre of his over fierce attack, he not only directed his handsthere, but with a pillow put under, placed me favourably for hiswanton purpose of inspection. Then, who can express the fire his eyesglistened, his hands glowed with! whilst sighs of pleasure, and tenderbroken exclamations, were all the praises he could utter. By this timehis machine, stiffly risen at me, gave me to see it in its highest stateand bravery. He feels it himself, seems pleased at its condition, and, smiling loves and graces, seizes one of my hands, and carries it, withgentle compulsion, to this pride of nature, and its richest masterpiece. 

I, struggling faintly, could not help feeling what I could not grasp, acolumn of the whitest ivory, beautifully streaked with blue veins, andcarrying, fully un-capt, a head of the liveliest vermilion: no horncould be harder or stiffer; yet no velvet more smooth or delicious tothe touch. Presently he guided my hand lower, to that part in whichnature, and pleasure keep their stores in concert, so aptly fastenedand hung on to the root of their first instrument and minister, that notimproperly he might be styled their purse-bearer too: there he mademe feel distinctly, through their soft cover, the contents, a pair ofroundish balls, that seemed to play within, and elude all pressure, butthe tenderest, from without. 

But now this visit of my soft, warm hand, in those so sensible parts, had put every thing into such ungovernable fury, disdaining all furtherpreluding, and taking advantage of my commodious posture, he made thestorm fall where I scarce patiently expected, and where he was sureto lay it: presently, then, I felt the stiff intersection betwen theyielding, divided lips of the wound, now open for life; where thenarrowness no longer put me to intolerable pain, and afforded my loverno more difficulty than what heightened his pleasure, in the strictembrace of that tender, warm sheath, round the instrument it was sodelicately adjusted to, and which now cased home, so gorged me withpleasure, that it perfectly suffocated me and took away my breath; thenthe killing thrusts! the unnumbered kisses! every one of which was a joyinexpressible; and that joy lost in a crowd of yet greater blisses! Butthis was a disorder too violent in nature to last long: the vessels, sostirred and intensely heated, soon boiled over, and for that timeput out the fire; meanwhile all this dalliance and disport had sofar consumed the morning, that it became a kind of necessity to laybreakfast and dinner into one. 

In our calmer intervals Charles gave the following account of himself, every tittle of which was true. He was the only son of a father, who, having a small post in the revenue, rather overlived his income, and hadgiven this young gentleman a very slender education: no professionhad he bred him up to, but designed to provide for him in the army, bypurchasing him an ensign's commission, that is to say, provided he couldraise the money, or procure it by interest, either of which clauses wasrather to be wished than hoped for by him. On no better a plan, however, had his improvident father suffered this youth, a youth of greatpromise, to run up to the age of manhood, or near it at least, in nextto idleness; and had, besides, taken no sort of pains to give him eventhe common premonitions against the vices of the town, and the dangersof all sorts which wait the unexperienced and unwary in it. He lived athome, and at discretion with his father, who himself kept a mistress;and for the rest, provided Charles did not ask him for money, he wasindolently kind to him: he might lie out when he pleased, any excusewould serve, and even his reprimands were so slight, that they carriedwith them rather an air of connivance at the fault, than any seriouscontrol or constraint. But, to supply his calls for money, Charles, whose mother was dead, had, by her side, a grandmother, who doatedupon him. She had a considerable annuity to live on, and very regularlyparted with every shilling she could spare, to this darling of her's, tothe no little heart-burn of his father; who was vexed, not that she, bythis means, fed his son's extravagance, but that she preferred Charlesto himself; and we shall too soon see what a fatal turn such a mercenaryjealousy could operate on the breast of a father. 

Charles was, however, by the means of his grandmother's lavish fondness, very sufficiently enabled to keep a mistress, so easily contented as mylove made me; and my good fortune, for such I must ever call it, threwme in his way, in the manner above related, just as he was on thelook-out for one. 

As to temper, the even sweetness of it made him seem born for domestichappiness: tender, naturally polite, and gentle-manner'd; it could neverbe his fault, if ever jars, or animosities ruffled a calm he was soqualified every way to maintain or restore. Without those great orshining qualities that constitute a genius, or are fit to make a noisein the world, he had all those humble ones that compose the softersocial merit: plain common sense, set off with every grace of modestyand good nature, made him, if not admired, what is much happier:universally beloved and esteemed. But, as nothing but the beautiesof his person had at first attracted my regard and fixed my passion, neither was I then a judge of the internal merit, which I had afterwardsfull occasion to discover, and which, perhaps, in that season ofgiddiness and levity, would have touched my heart very little, had itbeen lodged in a person less the delight of my eyes, and idol of mysenses. But to return to our situation. 

After dinner, which we ate a-bed in most voluptuous disorder, Charlesgot up, and taking a passionate leave of me for a few hours, went totown, where concerting matters with a young sharp lawyer, they wenttogether to my late venerable mistress's, from whence I had, but theday before, made my elopement, and with whom he was determined to settleaccounts, in a manner that should cut off all after reckonings from thatquarter. 

Accordingly they went; but by the way, the Templar, his friend, onthinking over Charles's information, saw reason to give their visitanother turn, and, instead of offering satisfaction, to demand it. 

On being let in, the girls of the house flocked round Charles, whom theyknew, and from the earlyness of my escape, and their perfect ignoranceof his ever having so much as seen me, not having the least suspicion ofhis being accessory to my flight, they were, in their way, making up tohim; and as to his companion, they took him probably for a fresh cully. But the Templar soon checked their forwardness, by enquiring for the oldlady, with whom he said, with a grave-like countenance, that he had somebusiness to settle. 

Madam was immediately sent for down, and the ladies being desired toclear the room, the lawyer asked her, severely, if she did know, or hadnot decoyed, under pretence of hiring as a servant, a young girl, justcome out of the country, called Frances or Fanny Hill, describing mewithal as particularly as he could from Charlie's description. 

It is peculiar to vice to tremble at the enquiries of justice; andMrs. Brown, whose conscience was not entirely clear upon my account, as knowing as she was of the town as hackneyed as she was in bluffingthrough all the dangers of her vocation, could not help being alarmed atthe questions, especially when he went on to talk of a Justice of peace, Newgate, the Old Bailey, indictments for keeping a disorderly house, pillory, carting, and the whole process of that nature. She, who, it islikely, imagined I had lodged an information against her house, lookedextremely blank, and began to make a thousand protestations and excuses. However, to abridge, they brought away triumphantly my box of things, which, had she not ben under an awe, she might have disputed with them;and not only that, but a clearance and discharge of any demands on thehouse, at the expense of no more than a bowl of arrack-punch, thetreat of which, together with the choice of the house conveniences, was offered and not accepted. Charles all the time acted the chancecompanion of the lawyer, who had brought him there, as he knew thehouse, and appeared in no wise interested in the issue; but he had thecollateral pleasure of hearing all that I told him verified, as far asthe bawd's fears would give her leave to enter into my history, which, if one may guess by the composition she so readily came into, were notsmall. 

Phoebe, my kind tutoress Phoebe, was at the time gone out, perhaps insearch of me, or their cooked-up story had not, it is probable, passedsmoothly. 

This negociation had, however, taken up some time, which would haveappeared much longer to me, left as I was, in a strange house, if thelandlady, a motherly sort of a woman, to whom Charles had liberallyrecommended me, had not come up and borne me company. We drank tea, andher chat helped to pass away the time very agreeably, since he was ourtheme; but as the evening deepened, and the hour set for his return waselapsed, I could not dispel the gloom of impatience, and tender fearswhich gathered upon me, and which our timid sex are apt to feel inproportion to their love. 

Long, however, I did not suffer: the sight of him over-paid me; and thesoft reproach I had prepared for him, expired before it reached my lips. 

I was still a-bed, yet unable to use my legs otherwise than awkwardly, and Charles flew to me, catches me in his arms, raised and extendingmine to meet his dear embrace, and gives me an account, interrupted bymany a sweet parenthesis of kisses, of the success of his measures. 

I could not help laughing at the fright of the old woman had been putinto, which my ignorance, and indeed my want of innocence, had far fromprepared me from bespeaking. She had, it seems, apprehended that I fledthe shelter to some relation I had recollected in town, on my dislikeof their ways and proceedings towards me, and that this application camefrom thence; for, as Charles had rightly judged, not one neighbour had, at that still hour, seen the circumstance of my escape into the coach, or, at least, noticed him; neither had any in the house, the least hintof suspicion of my having spoken to him, much less of my having claptup such a sudden bargain with a perfect stranger, thus the greatestimprobability is not always what we should most mistrust. 

We supped with all the gaiety of two young giddy creatures at the top oftheir desires; and as I had given up to Charles the whole charge of myfuture happiness, I thought of nothing beyond the exquisite pleasure ofpossessing him. 

He came to bed in due time; and this second night, the pain being prettywell over, I tasted, in full draught, all the transports of perfectenjoyment: I swam, I bathed in bliss, till both fell asleep, through thenatural consequences of satisfied desires, and appeased flames; nor didwe wake but to renewed raptures. 

Thus, making the most of love, and life did we stay in this lodgingin Chelsea about ten days; in which time Charles took care to give hisexcursions from home a favourable gloss, and to keep his footingwith his fond indulgent grand-mother, from whom he drew constant andsufficient supplies for the charge I was to him, and which was verytrifling, in comparison with his former less regular course of pleasure. 

Charles removed me then to a private ready furnished lodging in D. .. . Street, St. James's, where he paid half a guinea a week for two roomsand a closet on the second floor, which he had been some time lookingout for, and was more convenient for the frequency of his visits, thanwhere he had at first placed me, in a house, which I cannot say butI left with regret, as it was infinitely endeared to me by the firstpossession of my Charles, and the circumstance of losing, there, thatjewel, which can never be twice lost. The landlord, however, had noreason to complain of any thing, but of a procedure in Charles tooliberal not to make him regret the loss of us. 

Arrived at our new lodging, I remember I thought them extremely fine, though ordinary enough, even at that price; but, had it been a dungeonthat Charles had brought me to, his presence would have made a littleVersailles. 

The landlady, Mrs. Jones, waited on us to our apartment, and with greatvolubility of tongue, explained to us all its conveniences: "that herown maid should wait on us. .. That the best of quality had lodged ather house. .. That her first floor was let to a foreign secretary of anembassy, and his lady. .. That I looked like a very good natured lady. .. "At the word lady, I blushed out of flattered vanity: this was strongfor a girl of my condition; for though Charles had the precaution ofdressing me in a less tawdry flaunting style than were the clothes Iescaped to him in, and of passing me for his wife, that she had secretlymarried, and kept private (the old story) on account of his friends, Idare swear this appeared extremely apocryphal to a woman who knew thetown so well as she did; but that was the least of her concern: it wasimpossible to be less scruple-ridden than she was; and the advantage ofletting her rooms being her sole object, the truth itself would have farfrom scandalized her, or broke her bargain. 

A sketch of her picture, and personal history, will dispose you toaccount for the part she is to act in my concern. 

She was about forty six years old, tall, meagre, red-haired, with oneof those trivial ordinary faces you meet with every where, and goabout unheeded and un-mentioned. In her youth she had been kept by agentleman, who, dying, left her forty pounds a year during her life, inconsideration of a daughter he had by her: which daughter, at the ageof seventeen, she sold, for not a very considerable sum neither, to agentleman who was going on envoy abroad, and took his purchase with him, where he used her with the utmost tenderness, and it is thought, wassecretly married to her: but had constantly made a point of her notkeeping up the least correspondence with a mother base enough to make amarket of her own flesh and blood. However, as she had not nature, nor, indeed, any passion but that of money, this gave her no furtheruneasiness, then, as she thereby lost a handle of squeezing pres-sents, or other after-advantages, out of the bargain. Indifferent then, bynature of constitution, to every other pleasure but that of increasingthe lump, by any means whatever, she commenced a kind of privateprocuress, for which she was not amiss fitted, by her grave decentappearance, and sometimes did a job in the match-making way; in short, there was, nothing that appeared to her under the shape of gain, thatshe would not have undertaken. She knew most of the ways of the town, having not only herself been upon, but kept up constant intelligences inpromoting a harmony between the two sexes, in private pawn-broking, andother profitable secrets. She rented the house she lived in, and madethe most of it, by letting it out in lodgings; though she was worth, atleast, near three or four thousand pounds, she would not allow herselfeven the necessaries, of life, and pinned her subsistence entirely onwhat she could squeeze out of her lodgers. 

When she saw such a young pair come under her roof, her immediatenotions, doubtless, were how she should make the most money of us, byevery means that money might be made, and which, she rightly judged, oursituations and inexperience would soon beget her occasions of. 

In this hopeful sanctuary, and under the clutches of this harpy, didwe pitch our residence. It will not be might material to you, or verypleasant to me, to enter into a detail of all the petty cut-throat waysand means with which she used to fleece us; all which Charles indolentlychose to bear with, rather than take the trouble of removing, thedifference of expense being scarce attended to by a young gentleman whohad no ideas of stint, or even economy, and a raw country girl who knewnothing of the matter. 

Here, however, under the wings of my sovereignly beloved, did the mostdelicious hours of my life flow on; my Charles I had, and, in him, every thing my fond heart could wish or desire. He carried me to plays, operas, masquerades, and every diversion of the town; all which pleasedme, indeed, but pleased me infinitely the more for his being with me, and explaining every thing to me, and enjoying perhaps, the naturalimpressions of surprise and admiration, which such sights, at the first, never fail to excite in a country girl, new to the delights of them; butto me, they sensibly proved the power and dominion of the sole passionof my heart over me, a passion in which soul and body were concentered, and left me no room for any other relish of life but love. 

As to the men I saw at those places, or at any other, they suffered somuch in the comparison my eyes made of them with my all-perfect Adonis, that I had not the infidelity even of one wandering thought to reproachmyself with upon his account. He was the universe to me, and all thatwas not him, was nothing to me. 

My love, in fine, was so excessive, that is arrived at annihilatingevery suggestion or kindling spark of jealousy; for, one idea only, tending that way, gave me such exquisite torment, that my self-love, anddread of worse than death, made me for ever renounce and defy it: norhad I, indeed, occasion; for, were I to enter here on the recital ofseveral instances wherein Charles sacrificed to me women of much greaterimportance than I dare hint (which, considering his form, was no suchwonder), I might, indeed, give you full proof of his unshaken constancyto me; but would not you accuse me of warming up against a feast, whichmy vanity ought long ago to have been satisfied with?

In our cessations from active pleasure, Charles framed himself one, ininstructing me, as far as his own lights reached, in a great manypoints of life, that I was, in consequence of my no-education, perfectlyignorant of: nor did I suffer one word to fall in vain from the mouth ofmy lovely teacher: I hung on every syllable he uttered, and received, as oracles, all he said; whilst kisses were all the interruption I couldnot refuse myself the pleasure of admitting, from lips that breathedmore than Arabian sweetness, I was in a little time enabled, by theprogress I had made, to prove the deep regard I had paid to all that hehad said to me: repeating it to him almost word for word; and to shewthat I was not entirely the parrot, but that I reflected upon, that Ientered into it, I joined my own comments, and asked him questions ofexplanation. 

My country accent, and the rusticity of my gait, manners, anddeportment, began now sensibly to wear off: so quick was my observation, and so efficacious my desire of growing every day worthier of his heart. 

As to money, though, he brought me constantly all he received, it waswith difficulty he even got me to give it room in my bureau; and whatclothes I had, he could prevail on me to accept of on no other foot, than that of pleasing him by the greater neatness in my dress, beyondwhich I had no ambition. I could have made a pleasure of the greatesttoil, and worked my fingers to the bone, with joy, to have supportedhim: guess, then, if I could harbour any idea of being burthensome tohim, and this disinterested turn in me was so unaffected, so much thedictate of my heart, that Charles could not but feel it: and if he didnot love me as much as I did him (which was the constant and only matterof sweet contention between us), he managed so, at least, as to give methe satisfaction of believing it impossible for man to be more tender, more true, more faithful than he was. 

Our landlady, Mrs. Jones, came frequently up to my apartment, fromwhence I never stirred on any pretext without Charles; nor was itlong before she wormed out, without much art, the secret of our havingcheated the church of a ceremony, and, in course, of the terms we livedtogether upon; a circumstance which far from displeased her, consideringthe designs she had upon me, and which, alas! she will have too soon, room to carry into execution. But in the meantime, her own experienceof life let her see, that any attempt, however indirect or disguised, to divert or break, at least presently, so strong a cement of heartsas ours was, could only end in losing two lodgers, of whom she had madevery competent advantages, if either of us came to smoke her commission, for a commission she had from one of her customers, either to debauch, or get me away from my keeper at any rate. 

But the barbarity of my fate soon saved her the task of disuniting us. I had now been eleven months with this life of my life, which had passedin one continued rapid stream of delight: but nothing so violent wasever made to last. I was about three months gone with a child by him, a circumstances would have added to his tenderness, had he ever leftme room to believe it could receive an addition, when the mortal, theunexpected blow of separation fell upon us. I shall gallop post-overthe particulars, which I shudder yet to think of, and cannot; to thisinstant, reconcile myself how, or by what means I could out-live it. 

Two live-long days had I lingered through without hearing from him, Iwho breathed, who existed but in him, and had never yet seen twenty-fourhours pass without seeing or hearing from him. The third day myimpatience was so strong, my alarms had been so severe, that I perfectlysickened with them; and being unable to support the shock longer, I sunkupon the bed, and ringing for Mrs. Jones, who had far from comfortedme under my anxieties, she came up, and I had scarce breath and spiritenough to find words to beg of her, if she would save my life, to fallupon some means of finding out, instantly, what was become of itsonly prop and comfort. She pitied me in a way that rather sharpened myaffliction than suspended it, and went out upon this commission. 

For she had but to go to Charles's house, who lived but an easydistance, in one of the streets that run into Covent Garden. There shewent into a public house, and from thence sent for a mid servant, whosename I had given her, as the properest to inform her. 

The maid readily came, and as readily, when Mrs. Jones enquired of herwhat had become of Mr. Charles, or whether he was gone out of town, acquainted her with the disposal of her master's son, which, the veryday after, was no secret to the servants. Such sure measures had hetaken, for the most cruel punishment of his child for having moreinterest with his grandmother than he had, though he made use of apretence, plausible enough, to get rid of him in this secret abruptmanner, for fear her fondness should have interposed a bar to hisleaving England, and proceeding on a voyage he had concerted for him;which pretext was, that it was indispensably necessary to secure aconsiderable inheritance that devolved to him by the death of a richmerchant (his own brother) at one of the factories in the South Seas, ofwhich he had lately received advice, together with a copy of the will. 

In consequence of which resolution, to send away his son, he had, unknown to him, made the necessary preparations for fitting him out, struck a bargain with the captain of a ship, whose punctual execution ofhis orders he had secured, by his interest with his principal ownersand patron; and, in short, concerted his measures so secretly, andeffectually, that whilst the son thought he was going down to theriver, that would take him a few hours, he was stopt on board of a ship, debarred from writing, and more strictly watched than a State criminal. 

Thus was the idol of my soul torn from me, and forced on a long voyage, without taking leave of one friend, or receiving one line of comfort, except a dry explanation and instructions, from his father, how toproceed when he should arrive at his destined port, enclosing, withal, some letters of recommendation to a factor there: all these particularsI did not learn minutely till some time after. 

The maid, at the same time, added, that she was sure this usage of hersweet young master would be the death of his grand-mamma, as indeed itproved true; for the old lady, on hearing it, did not survive the newsa whole month, and as her fortune consisted in an annuity, out of whichshe had laid up no reserves, she left nothing worth mentioning to her sofatally envied darling, but absolutely refused to see his father beforeshe died. 

When Mrs. Jones returned, and I observed her looks, they seemed sounconcerned, and even nearest to pleased, that I half flattered myselfshe was going to set my tortured heart at ease, by bringing me goodnews; but this, indeed, was a cruel delusion of hope: the barbarian, with all the coolness imaginable, stabs me to the heart, in tellingme, succinctly, that he was sent away, at least, on a four years' voyage(here she stretched maliciously), and that I could not expect, in reason, ever to see him again: and all this with such pregnantcircumstances, that I could not escape giving them credit, as they were, indeed, too true!

She had hardly finished her report before I fainted away, and afterseveral successive fits, all the while wild and senseless, I miscarriedof the dear pledge of my Charles's love; but the wretched never die whenit is fittest they should die, and women are hard-lived! to a proverb. 

The cruel and interested care taken to recover me, saved an odious life:which, instead of the happiness and joys it had overflower in, all ofa sudden presented no view before me of any thing but the depth ofmisery, horror, and the sharpest affliction. 

Thus I lay six weeks, in the struggles of youth and constitution, against the friendly efforts of death, which I constantly invoked tomy relief and deliverance, but which proved too weak for my wish. Irecovered at length, but into a state of stupefaction and despair, thatthreatened me with the loss of my senses, and a mad house. 

Time, however, that great comforter in ordinary, began to assuage theviolence of my suffering, and to-numb my feeling of them. My healthreturned to me, though I still retained an air of grief, dejection, andlanguor, which taking off from the ruddiness of my country complexion, rendered it rather more delicate and affecting. 

The landlady had all this while officiously provided, and seen that Iwanted for nothing: and as soon as she saw me retrieved into a conditionof answering her purpose, one day, after we had dined together, shecongratulated me on my recovery, the merit of which she took entirelyto herself, and all this by way of introduction to a most terrible, andscurvy epilogue: "You are now, " says she, "Miss Fanny, tolerably well, and you are very welcome to stay in these lodgings as; long as youplease! you see I have asked you for nothing this long time, but trulyI have a call to make up a sum of money, which must be answered. "And, with that, presents me with a bill of arrears for rent, diet, apothecaries' charges, nurse, etc. , sum total twenty-three pounds, seventeen and six-pence: towards discharging of which I had not in theworld (which she well knew) more than seven guineas, left by chance, ofmy dear Charles's common stock, with me. At the same time, she desiredme to tell her what course I would take for payment. I burst out intoa flood of tears, and told her my condition: that I would sell whatfew clothes I had, and that, for the rest, would pay her as soon aspossible. But my distress, being favourable to her view, only stiffenedher the more. 

She told me, very cooly, that "she was indeed sorry for my misfortunes, but that she must do herself justice, though it would go to the veryheart of her to send such a tender young creature to prison. .. . " At theword "prison!" every drop of my blood chilled, and my fright acted sostrongly upon me, that, turning as pale and faint as a criminal at thefirst sight of his place of execution, I was on the point of swooning. My landlady, who wanted only to terrify me to a certain point, and notto throw me into a state of body inconsistent with her designs upon it, began to sooth me again, and told me, in a tone composed to more pityand gentleness, that "it would be my own fault, if she was forced toproceed to such extremities; but she believed there was a friend to befound in the world, who would make up matters to both our satisfactions, and that she would bring him to drink tea with us that very afternoon, when she hoped we would come to a right understanding in our affairs. "To all this, not a word of answer; I sat mute, confounded, terrified. 

Mrs. Jones, however, judging rightly that it was time to strike whilethe impressions were so strong upon me, left me to myself and to allthe terrors of an imagination, wounded to death by the idea of going toprison, and, from a principle of self-preservation, snatching at everyglimpse of redemption from it. 

In this situation I sat near half an hour, swallowed up in grief anddespair, when my landlady came in, and observing a death-like dejectionin my countenance, still in pursuance of her plan, put on a false pity, and bidding me be of good heart: "Things, " she said, "would be butmy own friend"; and closed with telling me "she had brought a veryhonourable gentleman to drink tea with me, who would give me the bestadvice how to get rid of all my troubles. " Upon which, without waitingfor a reply, she goes out, and returns with this very honourablegentleman, whose very honourable procuress she had been, on this, aswell as other occasions. 

The gentleman, on his entering the room, made me a very civil bow, whichI had scarce strength, or presence of mind enough to return a curtseyto; when the landlady, taking upon her to do all the honours of thefirst interview (for I had never, that I remember, seen the gentlemanbefore), sets a chair for him, another for herself. All this while not aword on either side; a stupid stare was all the face I could put on thisstrange visit. 

The tea was made, and the landlady, unwilling, I suppose, to lose anytime, observing my silence and shyness before this entire stranger:"Come, Miss Fanny, " says she, in a coarse familiar style, and tone ofauthority, "hold up your head, child, and do not let sorrow spoil thatpretty face of yours. What! sorrows are only for a time; come, be free, here is a worthy gentleman who has heard of your misfortunes, and iswilling to serve you; you must be better acquainted with him, do not younow stand upon your punctilios, and this and that, but make your marketwhile you may. "

At this so delicate, and eloquent harangue, the gentleman, who saw Iloooked frighted and amazed, and, indeed, incapable of answering, tookher up for breaking things in so abrupt a manner, as rather to shockthan incline me to an acceptance of the good he intended me then, addressing himself to me, told me "he was perfectly acquainted with mywhole story, and every circumstance of my distress which he owned was acruel plunge for one of my youth and beauty to fall into. .. . That he hadlong taken a liking to my person, for which he appealed to Mrs. Jones, there present; but finding me so deeply engaged to another, he had lostall hopes of succeeding, till he had heard the sudden reverse of fortunethat had happened to me, on which he had given particular orders to mylandlady to see that I should want for nothing; and that, had he notbeen forced abroad to the Hague, on affairs he could not refuse himselfto, he would himself have attended me during my sickness;. .. That onhis return, which was the day before, he had, on learning my recovery, desired my landlady's good offices to introduce him to me, and wasas angry, at least, as I was shocked, at the manner in which she hadconducted herself towards obtaining him that happiness; but, that toshow me how much he disdained her procedure, and how far he was fromtaking any ungenerous advantage of my situation, and from exactingany security for my gratitude, he would before my face, that instant, discharge my debt entirely to my landlady, and give me her receipt infull; after which I should be at liberty either to reject or grant hissuit, as he was much above putting any force upon my inclinations. "

Whilst he was exposing his sentiments to me, I ventured just to look upto him, and observed his figure, which was that of a very well-lookinggentleman, well made, of about forty, dressed in a suit of plainclothes, with a large diamond ring on one of his fingers, the lustre ofwhich played in my eyes as he waved his hand in talking, and raised mynotions of his importance. In short, he might pass for what is commonlycalled a comely black man, with an air of distinction natural to hisbirth and condition. 

To all his speeches, however, I answered only in tears that flowerplentifully to my relief, and choking up my voice, excused me fromspeaking, very luckily, for I should not have known what to say. 

The sight, however, moved him, as he afterwards told me, irresistibly, and by way of giving me some reason to be less powerfully afflicted, hedrew out his purse, and calling for pen and ink, which the landlady wasprepared for, paid her every farthing of her demand, independent of aliberal gratification which was to follow unknown to me, and taking areceipt in full, very tenderly forced me to secure it, by guiding myhand, which he had thrust it into, so as to make me passively put itinto my pocket. 

Still I continued in a state of stupidity, or melancholic despair, asmy spirits could not yet recover from the violent shocks that they hadreceived; and the accommodating landlady had actually left the room, andme alone with this strange gentleman, before I had observed it, and thenI observed it without alarm, for I was now lifeless, and indifferent toevery thing. 

The gentleman, however, no novice in affairs of this sort, drew near me;and, under the pretence of comforting me, first with his handkerchiefdried my tears as they ran down my cheeks: presently he ventured to kissme on my part, neither resistance nor compliance. I sat stock still; andnow looking on myself as bought by the payment that had been transactedbefore me. 

I did not care what became of my wretched body: and wanting life, spirits, or courage to oppose the least struggle, even that of themodesty of my sex, I suffered, tamely, whatever the gentleman pleased;who proceeding insensibly from freedom to freedom, insinuating his handbetween my handkerchief and bosom, which he handled at discretion:finding thus no repulse, and that every thing favoured, beyondexpectation, the completion of his desires, he took me in his arms, andbore me, without life or motion, to the bed, on which laying me gentlydowned, and having me at what advantage he pleased, I did not so muchas know what he was about, till recovering from a trance of lifelessinsensibility, I found him buried in me, whilst I lay passive andinnocent of the least sensations of pleasure: a death-cold corpse couldscarce have less life or sense in it. As soon as he had thus pacifieda passion which had too little respected the condition I was in, he gotoff, and after recomposing the disorder of my clothes, employed himselfwith the utmost tenderness to calm the transports of remorse and madnessat myself, with which I was seized, too late, I confess, for havingsuffered on that bed, the embraces of an utter stranger I tore my hair, wrung my hands, and beat my breast like a mad woman. But when my newmaster, for in that light I then viewed him, applied himself to appeaseme, as my whole rage was levelled at myself, no part of which I thoughtmyself permitted to aim at him, I begged of him with more submissionthan anger, to leave me alone, that I might, at least, enjoy myaffliction in quiet. This he positively refused, for fear, as hepretended, I should do myself a mischief. Violent passions seldom lastlong, and those of women least of any. A dead still calm succeeded thisstorm, which ended in a profuse shower of tears. 

Had any one, but a few instants before, told me that I should have everknown any man but Charles, I would have spit in his face or had I beenoffered infinitely a greater sum of money than that I saw paid for me, I had spurned the proposal in cold blood. But our virtues and our vicesdepend too much on our circumstances; unexpectedly beset as I was, betrayed by a mind weakened by a long severe affliction, and stunnedwith the terrors of a goal, my defeat will appear the more excusable, since I certainly was not present at, or a party in any sense to it. However, as the first enjoyment is decisive, and he was now over thebar, I thought I had no longer a right to refuse the caresses of onethat had got that advantage over me, no matter how obtained; conformingmyself then to this maxim, I considered myself as so much in his power, that I endured his kisses and embraces without affecting struggles oranger; not that he, as yet, gave me any pleasure, or prevailed over theaversion of my soul, to give myself up to any sensation of that sort;what I suffered, I suffered out of a kind of gratitude, and as a matterof course what had passed. 

He was, however, so regardful as not to attempt the renewal of thoseextremities which had thrown me, just before, into such violentagitations; but, now secure of possession, contented himself withbringing me to temper by degrees, and waiting at the hand of timefor those fruits of generosity and courtship, which he since oftenreproached himself with having gathered much too green, when, yieldingto the inability to resist him, and overborne by desires, he had wreakedhis passion on a mere lifeless, spiritless body, dead to all purpose ofjoy, since taking none, it ought to be supposed incapable of giving any. This is, however, certain; my heart never thoroughly forgave him themanner in which I had fallen to him, although, in point of interest, I had fallen to him, I had reason to be pleased that he found, in myperson, wherewithal to keep him from leaving me as easily as he had hadme. 

The evening was, in the mean time, so far advanced, that the maid camein to lay the cloth for supper, when I understood, with joy, that mylandlady, whose sight was present poison to me, was not to be with us. 

Presently a neat and elegant supper was introduced, and a bottle ofBurgundy, with the other necessaries, were set on a dumb-waiter. 

The maid quitting the room, the gentleman insisted, with a tenderwarmth, that I should sit up in the elbow chair by the fire, and see himeat, if I could not be prevailed on to eat myself. I obeyed with a heartfull or affliction, at the comparison it made between those delicioustete-a-tetes with my very dear youth, and this forced situation, thisnew awkward scene, imposed and obtruded on me a cruel necessity. 

At supper, after a great many arguments used to comfort and reconcileme to my fate, he told me that his name was H. .. , brother to the Earlof L. .. . And that having, by the suggestions of my landlady, been ledto see me, he had found me perfectly to his taste, and given hera commission to procure me at any rate, and that at length he hadsucceeded, as much to his satisfaction as he passionately wished itmight be to mine adding, withal, some flattering assurances, that Ishould have no cause to repent my knowledge of him. 

I had now got down at least half a partridge, and three or four glassesof wine, which he compelled me to drink by way of restoring nature, butwhether there was any thing extraordinary put into the wine, or whetherthere wanted no more to revive the natural warmth of my constitution, and give fire to the old train, I began no longer to look with thatconstraint, not to say disguise, on Mr. H. .. . , which I had hithertodone but, withal, there was not the least grain of love mixed with thissoftening of my sentiments: any other man would have been just the sameto me as Mr. H. .. , that stood in the same circumstances, and had donefor me, and with me, what he had done. 

There are not, on earth at least, eternal griefs; mine were, if not atan end, at least suspended: my heart, which had been so long overloadedwith anguish and vexation, began to dilate and open to the last gleamof diversion or amusement. I wept a little, and my tears relieved me; Isighed, and my sighs seemed to lighten me of a load that oppressed me;my countenance grew, if not cheerful, at least more composed and free. 

Mr. H. .. , who had watched, perhaps brought on this change, knew too wellnot to seize it: he thrust the table imperceptibly from between us, andbringing his chair to face me, he soon began, after preparing me by allthe endearments of assurance and protestations, to lay hold of my hands, to kiss me, and once more to make free with my bosom, which, being atfull liberty from the disorder of a loose dishabile, now panted andthrobbed, less with indignation than with fear and bashfulness, at beingused so familiarly by still a stranger. But he soon gave me greateroccasion to exclaim, by stooping down and slipping his hands above mygarters; thence he strove to regain the pass, which he had before foundso open, and unguarded; but now he could not unlock the twist of mythighs; I gently complained, and begged him to let me alone; told himI was not well. However, he saw there was more form and ceremony in myresistance, than good earnest; he made his conditions for desisting frompursuing his point, that I should be put instantly to bed, whilst hegave certain orders to the landlady, and that he would return in anhour, when he hoped to find me more reconciled to his passion for me, than I seemed at present. I neither assented nor denied, but my air andmanner of receiving his proposal, gave him to see that I did not thinkmyself enough my own mistress to refuse it. 

Accordingly he went out and left me, when a minute or two after, beforeI could recover myself into any composure for thinking, the maid camein with her mistress's service, and a small silver orringer of what shecalled a bridal posset, and desired me to eat it as I went to bed, which consequently I did, and felt immediately a heat, a fire run like ahue-and-cry through every part of my body; I burnt, I glowed, and wantedeven little of wishing for any man. 

The maid, as soon as I was lain down, took the candle away, and wishingme a good night, went out of the room, and shut the door after her. 

She had hardly time to get down stairs, before Mr. H. .. . Opened my roomdoor softly, and came in, now undressed, in his night-gown and cap, with two lighted wax candles, and bolting the door, gave me, though Iexpected him, some sort of alarm. He came a tip-toe to the bed side, andsaying with a gentle whisper: "Pray, my dear, do not be startled. .. Iwill be very tender and kind to you. " He then hurried off his clothes, and leaped into bed, having given me openings enough, whilst he wasstripping, to observe his brawny structure, strong made limbs, and roughshaggy breast. 

The bed shook again when it received this new load. He lay onthe outside, where he kept the candles burning, no doubt for thesatisfaction of every sense, for as soon as he had kissed me, he rolleddown the bed clothes, and seemed transported with the view of all myperson at full length, which he covered with a profusion of kisses, sparing no part of me. Then, being on his knees between my thighs, hedrew up his shirt, and bared all his hairy thighs, and stiff staringtruncheon, red top, and rooted into a thicket of curls, which coveredhis belly to the novel, and gave it the air of a flesh brush; and soonI feel it joining close to mine, when he had drove the nail up to thehead, and left no partition but the intermediate hair on both sides. 

I had it now, I felt it now, and, beginning to drive, he soon gavenature such a powerful summons down to her favourite quarters, that shecould no longer refuse repairing thither; all my animals spirits thenrushed mechanically to that center of attraction, and presently, inlywarmed, and stirred as I was beyond bearing, I lost all restraint, andyielding to the force of the emotion, gave down, as mere woman, thoseeffusions of pleasure, which, in the strictness of still faithful love, I could have wished to have kept in. 

Yet oh! what an immense difference did I feel between this impression ofa pleasure merely animal, and struck out of the collision of the sexes, by a passive bodily effect, from that sweet fury, that rage of activedelight which crowns the enjoyments of a mutual love passion, where twohearts, tenderly and truly united, club to exalt the joy, and give ita spirit and soul that bids defiance to that end which mere momentarydesires generally terminate in, when they die of a surfeit ofsatisfaction!

Mr. H. .. , whom no distinctions of that sort seemed to distract, scarcegave himself or me breathing time from the last encounter, but, as if hehad tasked himself to prove that the appearances of his vigour wereno signs hung out in vain, in a few minutes he was in a condition forrenewing the onset; to which, preluding with a storm of kisses, he drovethe same course as before, with unbated fervour; and thus, in repeatedengagements, kept me constantly in exercise, till dawn of morning, inall which time he made me fully sensible of the virtues of his firmtexture of limbs, his square shoulders, broad chest, compact hardmuscles, in short a system of manliness, that might pass for no badimage of our ancient sturdy barons, whose race is now so thoroughlyrefined and frittered away into the more delicate and modern built frameof our pap-nerved softlings, who are as pale, as pretty, and almost asmasculine as their sisters. 

Mr. H. .. , content, however, with having the day break upon his triumph, resigned me up to the refreshment of a rest we both wanted, and we soondropped into a profound sleep. 

Though he was some time awake before me, yet he did not offer to disturba repose he had given me so much occasion for; but on my first stirring, which was not till past ten o'clock, I was obliged to endure one moretrial of his manhood. 

About eleven, in came Mrs. Jones, with two basins of the richest soup, which her experience in these matters had moved her to prepare. I passover the fulsome compliments, the cant of the decent procuress, withwhich she saluted us both; but though my blood rose at the sight of her, I supprest my emotions, and gave all my concerne to reflections on whatwould be the consequence of this new engagement. 

But Mr. H. .. , who penetrated my uneasiness, did not suffer me tolanguish under it, and acquainted me, that having taken a solid sincereaffection to me, he would begin by giving me one leading mark of it, inremoving me out of a house which must, for many reasons, be irksome anddisagreeable to me, into convenient lodgings, where he would take allimaginable care of me; and desiring not to have any explanations withmy landlady, or be impatient till he returned, he dressed and went out, having left me a purse with two and twenty guineas in it, being allhe had about him, as he express it, to keep my pocket still furthersupplied. 

As soon as he was gone, I felt the usual consequence of the first launchinto vice (for my love attachment to Charles never appeared to me inthat light). I was instantly borne away down the stream without makingback to the shore. My dreadful necessities, my gratitude, and above all, to say the plain truth, the dissipation and diversion I began to findin this new acquaintance, from the black corroding thoughts my heart hadbeen a prey to, ever since the absence of my dear Charles, concurred tostun all my contrary reflections. If I now thought of my first, my onlycharmer, it was still with the tenderness and regret of the fondestlove, embittered with the consciousness that I was no longer worthyof him. I could have begged my bread with him all over the world, butwretch that I was! I had neither the virtue or courage requisite not tooutlive my separation from him. 

Yet, had not my heart been thus preengaged, Mr. H. .. Might probably havebeen the sole master of it; but the place was full, and the force ofconjectures alone had made him the possessor of my person; the charmsof which had, by the bye, been his sole object and passion, and were, ofcourse, no foundation for a love either very delicate or very durable. 

He did not return till six in the evening', to take me away to mynew lodgings; and my moveables being soon packed, and conveyed intoa hackney coach, it cost me but little regret to take my leave of alandlady whom I thought I had so much reason not to be over pleasedwith; and as for her part, she made no other difference to my staying orgoing, but what that of the profit created. 

We soon got to the house appointed for me, which was that of a plaintradesman, who, on the score of interest, was entirely at Mr. H. .. 'sdevotion, and who let him the first floor, very genteelly furnished, for two guineas a week, of which I was instated mistress, with a maid toattend me. 

He stayed with me that evening, and we had a supper from a neighbouringtavern, after which, and a gay glass or two, the maid put me to bed. Mr. H. .. . Soon followed, and notwithstanding the fatigues of the precedingnight, I found no quarter nor remission from him: he piquet himself, ashe told me, on doing the honours of my new apartment. 

The morning being pretty well advanced, we got to breakfast; and the icenow broke, my heart, no longer engrossed by love, began to take ease, and to please itself with such trifles Mr. H. .. . 's liberal liking ledhim to make his court to the usual vanity of our sex. Silks, laces:ear rings, pearl necklace, gold watch, in sort, all the trinkets andarticles of dress were lavishly heaped upon me; the sence of which, ifit did not create returns of love, forced a kind of grateful fondness, something like love: a distinction which it would be spoiling thepleasure of nine tenths of the keepers in the town to make, and is, Isuppose, the very good reason why so few of them ever do make it. 

I was now established the kept mistress in form, well lodged, with avery sufficient allowance, and lighted up with all the lustre of dress. 

Mr. H. .. . Continued kind and tender to me; yet, with all this, I wasfar from happy: for, besides my regrets for my dear youth, which, though often suspended or diverted, still returned upon me in certainmelancholic moments with redoubled violence, I wanted more society, more dissipation. 

As to Mr. H. .. . He was so much my superior in every sense, that I feltit too much to the disadvantage of the gratitude I owed him. Thus hegained my esteem, though he could not raise my taste; I was qualifiedfor no sort of conversation with him, except one sort, and that is asatisfaction which leaves tiresome intervals, if not filled up by love, or other amusements. 

Mr. H. .. . , so experienced, so learned in the ways of women, numbersof whom had passed through his hands, doubtless, soon perceived thisuneasiness, and, without approving, or liking me the better for it, hadthe complaisance to indulge me. 

He made suppers at my lodging, where he brought several companions ofhis pleasures, with their mistresses; and by this means I got into acircle of acquaintance, that soon stripped me of all the remains ofbashfulness and modesty which might be yet left of my country education, and were, to a just taste, perhaps, the greatest of my charms. 

We visited one another in form, and mimicked, as near as we could, allthe miseries, the follies, and impertinencies of the women in quality, in the round of which they trifle away their time, without it everentering their little heads, that on earth there cannot subsist anything more silly, more flat, more insipid and worthless, than, generallyconsidered, their system of life is: they ought to treat the men astheir tyrants, indeed! were they to condemn them to it. 

But though, amongst the kept mistresses (and I was now acquainted witha good many, besides some useful matrons, who live by their connexionswith them), I hardly knew one that did not perfectly detest theirkeepers, and, of course, made little or no scruple of any infidelitythey could safely accomplish, I had still no notion of wronging mine:for, besides that no mark of jealousy on his side started me the hint, or gave me the provocation to play him a trick of that sort, and thathis constant generosity, politeness, and tender attention to please me, forced a regard to him, that, without affecting my heart, insured him myfidelity, no object had yet presented that could overcome the habitualliking I had contracted for him and I was on the eve of obtaining, fromthe movements of his own voluntary generosity, a modest provision forlife, when an accident happened which broke all the measures he hadresolved upon in my favour. 

I had now lived near seven months with Mr. H. .. . When one day returningto my lodgings, from a visit in the neighbourhood, where I used to staylonger, I found the street door open, and the maid of the house standingat it, talking with some of her acquaintance, so that I came in withoutknocking and, as I passed by, she told me Mr. H. .. . Was above. I sleptup stairs into my own bed-chamber, with no other thought than of pullingoff my hat etc. , and then to wait upon him in the dining room, intowhich my bed-chamber had a door, as is common enough. Whilst I wasuntying my hat strings, I fancied I heard my maid Hannah's voice and asort of tustle, which raised my curiosity; I stole softly to the door, where a knot in the wood had been slipped out, and afforded a verycommanding peep-hole to the scene then in agitation, the actors of whichhad been to earnestly employed to hear my opening my own door, from thelanding place of the stairs, into my bedchamber. 

The first sight that struck me was Mr. H. .. . Pulling and hauling thiscoarse country strammel towards a couch that stood in a corner of thedining-room; to which the girl made only a sort of awkward holdeningresistance, crying out so loud, that I, who listened at the door, couldscarce hear her: "Pray Sir, don't. . , let me alone. .. I am not for yourturn. .. You cannot, sure, demean yourself with such a poor body as I. .. Lord! Sir, my mistress may come home. .. I must not indeed. .. I willcry out. .. " All of which did not hinder her from insensibly sufferingherself to be brought to the foot of the couch, upon which a push of nomighty violence served to give her a very easy fall, and my gentlemanhaving got up his hands to the strong hold of her Virtue, she, nodoubt, thought it was time to give up the argument, and that all furtherdefense would be vain: and he, throwing her petticoats over her face, which was now as red as scarlet, discovered a pair of stout, plump, substantial thighs, and tolerably white; he mounted them round his haps, and coming out with his drawn weapon, stuck it in the cloven sport, where he seemed to find a less difficult entrance than perhaps he hadflattered himself with (for, by the way, this blouse had left her placein the country, for a bastard), and, indeed, all his motions shewed hewas lodged pretty much at large. After he had done, his Deare gets up, drops her petticoats down, and smooths her apron and handkerchief. Mr. H. .. . Looked a little silly, and taking out some money, gave it her, with an air indifferent enough, bidding her be a good girl, and saynothing. 

Had I loved this man, it was not in nature for me to have had patienceto see the whole scene through: I should have broke in and played thejealous princess with a vengeance. But that was not the case: my pridealone was hurt, my heart not, and I could easier win upon myself to seehow far he would go, till I had no uncertainty upon my conscience. 

The least delicate of all affairs of this sort being now over, I retiredsoftly into my closet, where I began to consider what I should do. Myfirst scheme naturally, was to rush in and upbraid them; this, indeed, flattered my present emotions and vexations, as it would have givenimmediate vent to them; but, on second thoughts, not being so clearas to the consequence to be apprehended from such a step, I began mydiscovery still a safer season, when dissembly my discovery till a saferseason, when Mr. H. .. . Should have perfected the settlement he hadmade overtures to me of, and which I was not to think such a violentexplanation, as I was indeed not equal to the management of, couldpossibly forward, and might destroy. On the other hand, the provocationseemed too gross, too flagrant not to give me some thoughts of revenge;the very start of which idea restored me to perfect composure; anddelighted as I was with the confused plan of it in my head, I waseasily mistress enough of myself to support the part of ignorance Ihad prescribed to myself; and as all this circle of reflections wasinstantly over, I stole a tip-toe to the passage door, and opening itwith a noise, passed for having that moment come home; and after a shortpause, as if to pull off my things, I opened the door into the diningroom, where I fund the dowdy blowing the fire, and my faithful shepherdwalking about the room, and wistling, as cool and unconcerned as ifnothing had happened. I think, however, he had not much to brag ofhaving out-dissembled me: for I kept up, nobly, the character of our sexfor art, and went up to him with the same open air of frankness as I hadever received him. He stayed but a little while, made some excuse fornot being able to stay the evening with me, and went out. 

As for the wench, she was now spoiled, at least for my servant; andscarce eight and forty hours were gone round, before her insolence, onwhat had passed betwen Mr. H. .. . And her, gave me so fair an occasionto turn her away, at a minute's warning, that, not to have done it wouldhave been the wonder; so that he could neither disapprove it nor findin it the least reason to suspect my original motive. What became of herafterwards, I know not; but generous as Mr. H. .. . Was, he undoubtedlymade her amends: though, I dare answer, that he kept up no furthercommerce with her of that sort; as his stooping to such a coarse morsel, was only a sudden sally of lust, on seeing a wholesome looking, buxomcountry wench, and no more strange than hunger, or even a whimsicalappetite's making a fling meal of neck-beef, for change of diet. 

Had I considered this escapade of Mr. H. .. . In no more than that lightand contented myself with turning away the wench, I had thought andacted right; but, flushed as I was with imaginary wrongs, I should haveheld Mr. H. .. To have been cheaply off, if I had not pushed my revengefarther, and repaid him, as exactly as could for the soul of me, in thesame coin. 

Nor was this worthy act of justice long delayed: I had it too much atheart. Mr. H. .. Had, about a fortnight before, taken into his servicea tenant's son, just come out the country, a very handsome young lad, scarce turned of nineteen, fresh as a rose, well sharped and clearlimbed: in short, a very good excuse for any woman's liking, eventhough revenge had been out of the question; any woman, I say, whowas disprejudiced, and that wit and spirit enough to prefer a point ofpleasure to a point of pride. 

Mr. H. .. Had clapped a livery upon him; and his chief employ was, afterbeing shewn my lodgings, to bring and carry letters or messages betweenhis master and me; and as the situation of all kept ladies is notthe fittest to inspire respect, even to the meanest of mankind, and, perhaps, less of it from the most ignorant, I could not help observingthat this lad, who was, I suppose, acquainted with my relation to hismaster by his fellow servants, used to eye me in that bashful confusedway, more expressive, more moving and readier caught at by our sex, thanany other declarations whatever: my figure had, it seems, struck him, and modest and innocent as he was, he did not himself know that thepleasure he took in looking at me was love, or desire; but his eyes, naturally wanton, and now inflamed with passion, spoke a great deal morethan he durst have imagined they did. Hitherto, indeed, I had only takennotice of the comeliness of the youth, but without the least design: mypride alone would have guarded me from a thought that way, had notMr. H. .. . 's condescension with my maid, where there was not half thetemptation, in point of person, set me a dangerous example; but now Ibegan to look on this stripling as every way a delicious instrumentof my designed retaliation upon Mr. H. .. . Of an obligation for which Ishould have made a conscience to die in his debt. 

In order then to pave the way for the accomplishment of my scheme, fortwo or three times that the young fellow came to me with messages, Imanaged so, or without affectation to have him admitted to my bed side, or brought to me at my toilet, where I was dressing; and by carelesslyshewing or letting him, as if without meaning or design, sometimes mybosom rather more bare than it should be; sometimes my hair, of which Ihad a very fine head, in the natural flow of it while combing; sometimesa neat leg, that had unfortunately slipt its garter, which I made noscruple of tying before him, easily gave him the impressions favourableto my purpose, which I could perceive to sparkle in his eyes, and glowin his cheeks: then certain slight squeezes by the hand, as I tookletters from him, did his business completely. 

When I saw him thus moved, and fired for my purpose, I inflamed himyet more, by asking him several leading questions, such as: "Had he amistress?. .. Was she prettier than me?. .. Could he love such a one as Iwas?. .. " and the like; to all which the blushing simpleton answered tomy wish, in a strain of perfect nature, perfect undebauched innocence, but with all the awkwardness and simplicity of country breeding. 

When I thought I had sufficiently ripened him for the laudable point Ihad in view, one day that I expected him at a particular hour, I tookcare to have the coast clear for the reception I designed him; and, asI laid it, he came to the dining room door, tapped at it, and, in mybidding him come in; he did so, and shut the door after him. I desiredhim, then, to bolt it on the inside, pretending it would not otherwisekeep shut. 

I was then lying at length upon that very couch, the scene of Mr. H. .. . 's polite joys, in an undress, which was with all the art ofnegligence flowing loose, and in a most tempting disorder: no stays, no hoop. .. , no incumbrance whatever. On the other hand, he stood at alittle distance, that gave me a full view of a fine featured, shapely, healthy country lad, breathing the sweets of fresh blooming youth;his hair, which was of a perfect shining black, played to his face innatural side curls, and was set out with a smart tuck-up behind; newbuckskin breechs, that, clipping close, shewed the shape of a plump, well made thigh; white stockings, garter-laced livery, shoulder knot, altogether composed a figure of pure flesh and blood, and appearedunder no disgrace from the lowness of a dress, to which a certain spruceneatness seems peculiarly fitted. 

I bid him come towards me, and give me his letter, at the same timethrowing down, carelessly, a book I had in my hands. He coloured, and came within reach of delivering me the letter, which he held out, awkwardly enough, for me to take, with his eyes rivetted on mybosom, which was, through the designed disorder of my handkerchief, sufficiently bare, and rather than hid. 

I, smiling in his face, took the letter, and immediately catchinghold of his shirt sleeve, drew him towards me, blushing, and almosttrembling; for surely his extreme bashfulness, and utter inexperiencecalled for, at least, all the advances to encourage him: his bodywas now conveniently inclined toward me, and just softly chucking hisbeardless chin, I asked him: "If he was afraid of a lady?. .. " and withthat took, and carrying his hands to my breasts, I press it tenderlyto them. They were now finely furnished, and raised in flesh, so that, panting with desire, they rose and fell, in quick heaves, under histouch: at this, the boy's eyes began to lighten with all the fires ofinflamed nature, and his cheeks flushed with a deep scarlet: tongue-tiedwith joy, rapture, and bashfulness, he could not speak, but then hislooks, his emotion, sufficiently satisfied me that my train had taken, and that I had no disappointment to fear. 

My lips, which I threw in his way, so that he could not escape kissingthem, fixed, fired, and emboldened him: and now, glancing my eyestowards that part of his dress which covered the essential object ofenjoyment, I plainly discovered the swell and commotion there; and asI was now too far advanced to stop in so fair a way, and was indeed nolonger able to contain myself, or wait the slower progress of his maidenbash-fulness (for such it seemed, and really was), I stole my hands uponhis thighs, down one of which I could both see and feel a stiff hardbody, confined by his breeches, that my fingers could discover no endto. Curious then, and eager to unfold so alarming a mystery, playing, as it were, with his buttons, which were bursting ripe from the activeforce within, those of his waistband and fore-flap flew open at a touch, when out IT started; and now, disengaged from the shirt, I saw, withwonder and surprise, what? not the play thing of a boy, not the weaponof a man, but a Maypole, of so enormous a standard, that had proportionsbeen observed, it must have belonged to a young giant. Yet I could not, without pleasure, behold, and even venture to feel, such a length, sucha breadth of animated ivory! perfectly well turned and fashioned, theproud stiffness of which distented its skin, whose smooth polish andvelvet softness might vie with that of the most delicate of our sex, andwhose exquisite whiteness was not a little set off by a sprout of blackcurling hair round the root: through the jetty springs of which the fairskin shewed as in a fine evening you may have remarked the clear lightthrough the branchwork of distant trees over-topping the summit of ahill: then the broad of blueish-casted incarnate of the head, andblue serpentines of its veins, altogether composed the most strikingassemblage of figure and colours in nature. In short, it stood an objectof terror and delight. 

But what was yet more surprising, the owner of this natural curiosity, through the want of occasions in the strictness of his home breeding, and the little time he had been in town not having afforded him one; washitherto an absolute stranger, in practice at least, to the use of allthat manhood he was so nobly stocked with; and it now fell to my lot tostand his first trial of it, if I could resolve to run the risks of itsdisproportion to that tender part of me, which such an oversized machinewas very fit to lay in ruins. 

But it was now of the latest to deliberate, for, by this time, the youngfellow, over heated with the present objects, and too high metled to belonger curbed in by that modesty and awe which had hitherto restrainedhim, ventured, under the stronger impulse, and instructive promptershipof nature alone, to slip his hands, trembling with eager impetuousdesires, under my petticoats; and seeing, I suppose, nothing extremelysevere in my looks, to stop or dash him, he feels out, and seizes, gently, the center spot of his ardours. Oh then! the fiery touch ofhis lingers determines me, and my fears melting away before the glowingintolerable heat, my thighs disclose of themselves, and yield allliberty to his hand: and now, a favourable movement giving my petticoatsa toss, the avenue lay too fair, too open to be missed. He is now uponme: I had placed myself with a jerk under him, as commodious and open aspossible to his attempts, which were untoward enough, for his machine, meeting with no inlet, bore and battered stiffly against me in randompushes, now above, now below, now beside his point; till, burning withimpatience from its irritating touches, I guided gently, with my hand, this furious fescue to where my young novice was now to be taughthis first lesson of pleasure. Thus he nicked, at length, the warm andinsufficient orifice; but he was made to find no breach impracticable, and mine, though so often entered, was still far from wide enough totake him easily in. 

By my direction, however, the head of his unwieldy machine was socritically pointed, that, feeling him fore-right against the tenderopening, a favourable motion from me met his timely thrust, by whichthe lips of it, strenuously dilated, gave way to his thus assistedimpetuosity, so that we might both feel that he had gained a lodgment. Pursuing then his point, he soon, by violent, and, to me, most painfulpiercing thrusts, wedges himself at length so far in, as to be nowtolerably secure of his entrance: here he stuck, and I now felt such amixture of pleasure and pain, as there is no giving a definition of. Idreaded alike his splitting me farther up, or his withdrawing; I couldnot bear either to keep or part with him. The sense of pain, however, prevailing, from his prodigious size and stiffness, acting upon mein those continued rapid thrusts, with which he furiously pursued hispenetration, made me cry out gently: "Oh, my dear, you hurt me!" Thiswas enough to check the tender respectful boy even in his mid-career;and he immediately drew out the sweet cause of my complaint, whilst hiseyes eloquently expressed, at once, his grief for hurting me, andhis reluctance at dislodging from quarters, of which the warmth andcloseness had given him a gust of pleasure, that he was now desire madto satisfy, and yet too much a novice not to be afraid of my withholdinghis relief, on account of the pain he had put me to. 

But I was, myself, far from being pleased with his having too muchregarded my tender exclaims; for now, more fired with the object beforeme, as it still stood with the fiercest erection, unbonneted, and displayed its broad vermilion head, I first gave the youth are-encouraging kiss, which he repaid me with a fervour that seemed atonce to thank me, and bribe my further compliance; and soon replacedmyself in a posture to receive, at all risk, the renewed invasion, whichhe did not delay an instant: for, being presently remounted, I oncemore felt the smooth hard gristle forcing an entrance, which he achievedrather easier than before. Pained, however, as I was, with his effortsof gaining a complete admission, which he was so regardful as to manageby gentle degrees, I took care not to complain. In the mean time, thesoft strait passage gradually loosens, yields, and, stretched to itsutmost bearing, by the stick, thick, indriven engine, sensible, at once, to the ravishing pleasure of the feel and the pain of the distension, let him in about half way, when all the most nervous activity he nowexerted, to further his penetration, gained him not an inch of hispurpose: for, whilst he hesitated there, the crisis of pleasure overtookhim, and the close compressure of the warm surrounding flow drew fromhim the ecstatic gush, even before mine was ready to meet it, kept upby the pain I had endured in the course of the engagement, from theinsufferable size of his weapon, though it was not as yet in above halfits length. 

I expected then, but without wishing it, that he would draw, but waspleasingly disappointed: for he was not to be let off so. The wellbreathed youth, hot-mettled, and flush with genial juices, was nowfairly in for making me know my driver. As soon, then, as he had made ashort pause, waking, as it were, out of the trance of pleasure (in whichevery sense seemed lost for a while, whilst, with his eyes shut, andshort quick breathings, he had yielded down his maiden tribute), hestill kept his post, yet unsated with enjoyment, and solacing in theseso new delights; till his stiffness, which had scarce perceptiblyremitted, being thoroughly recovered to him, who had not onceunsheathed, he proceeded afresh to cleave and open to himself an entireentry into me, which was not a little made easy to him by the balsamicinjection, with: which he had just plentifully moistened the wholeinternals of the passage. Redoubling, then, the active energy of histhrusts, favoured by the fervid appetency of my motions, the soft oiledwards can no longer stand so effectual a picklock, but yield, and openhim an entrance. And now, with conspiring nature, and my industry, strong to aid him, he pierces, penetrates, and at length, winning hisway inch by inch, gets entirely in, and finally, a home made thrustsheaths it up to the guard; on the information of which, from the closejointure of our bodies (insomuch that the hair on both sides perfectlyinterweaved and incircled together), the eyes of the transportedyouth sparkled with more joyous fires, and all his looks and motionsacknowledged excess of pleasure, which I now began to share, for I felthim in my very vitals! I was quite sick with delight! stirred beyondbearing with its furious agitations within me, and gorged and crammed, even to a surfeit. Thus I lay gasping, panting under him, till hisbroken breathings, faultering accents, eyes twinkling with humid fires, lunges more furious, and an increased stiffness, gave me to hailthe approaches of the second period: it came. .. And the sweet youth, overpowered with the ecstasy, died away in my arms, melting a floodthat shot in genial warmth into the innermost recesses of my body; everyconduit of which, dedicated to that pleasure, was on flow to mix withit. Thus we continued for some instants, lost, breathless, senseless ofevery thing, and in every part but those favourite ones of nature, in which all that we enjoyed of life and sensation was now totallyconcentered. 

When our mutual trance was a little over, and the young fellow hadwithdrawn that delicious stretcher, with which he had most plentifullydrowned all thoughts of revenge, in the sense of actual pleasure, thewidened wounded passage refunded a stream of pearly liquids, whichflowed down my thighs, mixed with streaks of blood, the marks of theravage of that monstrous machine of his, which had now triumphed overa kind of second maidenhead. I stole, however, my handkerchief to thoseparts, and wiped them as dry as I could, whilst he was re-adjusting andbuttoning up. 

I made him sit down by me, and as he had gathered courage from suchextreme intimacy, he gave me an aftercourse of pleasure, in a naturalburst of tender gratitude and joy, at the new scenes of bliss I hadopened to him: scenes positively new, as he had never before had theleast acquaintance with that mysterious mark, the cloven stamp of femaledistinction, though nobody better qualified than he to penetrate into itsdeepest recesses, or do it nobler justice. But when, by certain motions, certain unquietness of his hands, that wandered not without design, Ifound he languished for satisfying a curiosity, natural enough, to viewand handle those parts which attract and concenter the warmest forceof imagination, charmed, as I was, to have any occasion of obliging andhumouring his young desires, I suffered him to proceed as he pleased, without check or control, to the satisfaction of them. 

Easily, then, reading in my eyes the full permission of myself toall his wishes, he scarce pleased himself more than me; when, havinginsinuated his hand under my petticoat and shift, he presently removedthose bars to the sight, by slily lifting them upwards, under favourof a thousand kisses, which he thought, perhaps, necessary to divert myattention from what he was about. All my drapery being now rolled up tomy waist, I threw myself into such a posture upon the couch, as gave upto him, in full view, the whole region of delight, and all the luxuriouslandscape around it. The transported youth devoured every thing withhis eyes, and tried, with his fingers, to lay more open to his sightthe secrets of that dark and delicious deep: he opens the folding lips, the softness of which, yielding entry to any thing of a hard body, closeround it, and oppose the sight; and feeling further, meets with, andwonder at, a soft fleshy excrescence, which, limber and relaxed afterthe late enjoyment, now grew, under the touch and examination ofhis fiery fingers, more and more stiff and considerable, till thetitillating ardours of that so sensible part made me sigh, as if he hadhurt me; on which he withdrew his curious probing fingers, asking mepardon, as it were, in a kiss that rather increased the flame there. 

Novelty ever makes the strongest impressions, and in pleasures, especially; no wonder then, that he was swallowed up in raptures ofadmiration of things so interesting by their nature, and now seen andhandled for the first time. On my part, I was richly overpaid for thepleasure I gave him, in that of examining the power of those objectsthus abandoned to him, naked and free to his loosest wish, over theartless, natural stripling: his eyes streaming fire, his cheeksglowing with a florid red, his fervid frequent sighs, whilst his handsconvulsively squeezed, opened, pressed together again the lips andsides of that deep flesh wound, or gently twitched the over-growingmoss; and all proclaimed the excess, the riot of joys, in having hiswantonness thus humoured. But he did not long abuse my patience, for theobjects before him had now put him by all his, and, coming out withthat formidable machine of his, he lets the fury loose, and pointing itdirectly to the pouting-lip mouth, that bid him sweet defiance in dumbshew, squeezes in his head, and, driving with refreshed rage, breaks in, and plugs up the whole passage of that soft pleasure-conduit pipe, wherehe makes all shake again, and put, once more, all within me into suchan uproar, as nothing could still, but a fresh inundation from thevery engine of those flames, as well as from all the springs with whichnature floats that reservoir of joy, when risen to its floodmark. 

I was now so bruised, so battered, so spent with this overmatch, thatI could hardly stir, or raise myself, but lay palpitating, till theferment of my senses subsiding by degrees, and the hour striking atwhich I was obliged to dispatch my young man, I tenderly advised him ofthe necessity there was for parting; at which I felt so much displeasureas he could do, who seemed eagerly disposed to keep the field, and toenter on a fresh action. But the danger was too great, and after somehearty kisses of leave, and recommendations of secrecy and discretion, I forced myself to send him away, not without assurances of seeing himagain, to the same purpose, as soon as possible, and thrust a guineainto his hands: not more, less, being too flush of money, a suspicionor discovery might arise from thence; having everything to fear from thedangerous indiscretion of that age in which young fellows would be tooirresistible, too charming, if we had not that terrible fault to guardagainst. 

Giddy and intoxicated as I was with such satiating draughts of pleasure, I still lay on the couch, supinely stretched out, in a delicious languordiffused over all my limbs, hugging myself for being thus revenged tomy heart's content, and that in a manner so precisely alike, and onthe identical spot in which I had received the supposed injury. Noreflections on the consequences ever once perplexed me, nor did I makemyself one single reproach for having, by this step, completely enteredmyself into a profession more decried than disused. I should have heldit ingratitude to the pleasure I had received, to have repented of it;and since I was now over the bar, I thought, by plunging head and earsinto the stream I was hurried away by, to drown all sense of shame orreflection. 

Whilst I was thus making these laudable dispositions, and whisperingto myself a kind of tacit vow of incontinency, enters Mr. H. .. Theconsciousness of what I had been doing deepened yet the glowing of mycheeks, flushed with the warmth of the late action, which, joined tothe piquant air of my dishabile, drew from Mr. H. .. . A compliment on mylooks, which he was proceeding to bask the sincerity of with proofs, andthat with so brisk an action, as made me tremble for fear of a discoveryfrom the condition those parts were left in from their late severehandling: the orifice dilated and inflamed, the lips swollen with theiruncommon distension, the ringlets pressed down, crushed and uncurledwith the over flowing moisture that had wet everything round it; inshort, the different feel and state of things would hardly have passedupon one of Mr. H. .. .. 's nicety and experience unaccounted for but bythe real cause. But here the woman saved me: I pretended a violentdisorder of my head, and a feverish heat, that indisposed me too much toreceive his embraces. He gave in to this, and good naturedly desisted. Soon after, an old lady coming in made a third, very apropos for theconfusion I was in, and Mr. H. .. . , after bidding me take care of myself, and recommending me to my repose, left me much at ease and relieved byhis absence. 

In the close of the evening, I took care to have prepared for me awarm bath of aromatik and sweet herbs; in which having fully laved andsolaced myself, I came out voluptuously refreshed in body and spirit. 

The next morning waking pretty early, after a night's perfect rest andcomposure, it was not without some dread and uneasiness that I thoughtof what innovation that tender soft system of mine might have sustained, from the shock of a machine so sized for its destruction. 

Struck with this apprehension, I scarce dared to carry my hand thither, to inform myself of the state and posture of things. 

But I was soon agreeably cured of my fears. 

The silky hair that covered round the borders, now smoothed andre-pruned, had resumed its wonted curl and trimness; the fleshy poutinglips that had stood the brunt of the engagement, were no longer swollenor moisture-drenched; and neither they, nor the passage into which theyopened, that had suffered so great a dilation, betrayed any the leastalteration, outwardly or inwardly, to the most curious research, notwithstanding the laxity that naturally follows the warm bath. 

This continuation of that grateful stricture which is in us, to the men, the very jet of their pleasure, I owed, it seems, to a happy habit ofbody, juicy, plump and furnished, towards the texture of those parts, with a fullness of soft springy flesh, that yielding sufficiently, as itdoes, to almost any distension soon recovers itself so as to re-tightenthat strict compression of its mantlings and folds, which form the sidesof the passage, wherewith it so tenderly embraces and closely clips anyforeign body introduced into it, such as my exploring finger then was. 

Finding then every thing in due tone and order, I remember my fears, only to make a jest of them to myself. And now, palpably mistress ofany size of man, and triumphing in my double achievement of pleasure andrevenge, I abandoned myself entirely to the ideas of all the delight Ihad swam in. I lay stretching out, glowingly alive all over, and tossingwith burning impatience for the renewal of joys that had sinned but ina sweet excess; nor did I lose my longing, for about ten in the morning, according to expectation, Will, my new humble sweetheart, came with amessage from his master, Mr. H. .. . , to know how I did. I had taken careto send my maid on an errand into the city, that I was sure would takeup time enough; and, from the people of the house, I had nothing tofear, as they were plain good sort of folks, and wise enough to mind nomore other people's business than they could well help. 

All dispositions then made, not forgetting that of lying in bed toreceive him, when he was entered the door of my bed chamber, a latch, that I governed by a wire, descended and secured it. 

I could not but observe that my young minion was as much spruced out ascould be expected from one in his condition: a desire of pleasing thatcould not be indifferent to me, since it proved that I pleased him;which, I assure you, was now a point I was not above having in view. 

His hair trimly dressed, clean linen, and, above all, a hale, ruddy, wholesome country look, made him out as pretty a piece of woman's meatas you could see, and I should have thought any one much out of taste, that could not have made a hearty meal of such a morsel as nature seemedto have designed for the highest diet of pleasure. 

And why should I here suppress the delight I received from thisamiable creature, in remarking each artless look, each motion ofpure indissembled nature, betrayed by his wanton eyes; or shewing, transparently, the glow and suffusion of blood through his fresh, clearskin, whilst even his stury rustic pressure wanted not their peculiarcharm? Oh! but, say you, this was a young fellow of too low a rank oflife to deserve so great a display. May be so: but was my condition, strictly considered, one jot more exalted? or, had I really been muchabove him, did not his capacity of giving such exquisite pleasuresufficiently raise and enoble him, to me, at least? Let who would, for me cherish, respect, and reward the painter's, the statuary's, themusician's art, in proportion to the delight taken in them: but at myage, and with my taste for pleasure, a taste strongly constitutionalto me, the talent of pleasing, with which nature has endowed a handsomeperson, formed to me the greatest of all merits; compared to which, thevulgar prejudices in favour of titles, dignities, honours, and the like, held a very low rank indeed. Nor perhaps would the beauties of the bodybe so much affected to be held cheap, were they, in their nature, to bebought and delivered. But for me, whose natural philosophy all residedin the favourite center of sense, and who was ruled by its powerfulinstinct in taking pleasure by its right handle, I could scarce havemade a choice more to my purpose. 

Mr. H. .. . 's loftier qualifications of birth, fortune and sense, laidme under a sort of subjection and constraint, that were far from makingharmony in the concert of love; nor had he, perhaps, thought me worthsoftening that superiority to; but, with this lad, I was more on thelevel which love delights in. 

We may say what we please, but those we can be the easiest and freestwith, are ever those we like, not to say love the best. 

With this stripling, all whose art of love was the action of it, Icould, without check of awe or restraint, give a loose to jay, andexecute every scheme of dalliance my fond fancy might put me on, inwhich he was, in every sense, a most exquisite companion. And now mygreat pleasure lay in humouring all the petulances, all the wantonfrolic of a raw novice just fledged, and keen on the burning scent ofhis game, but unbroken to the sport: and, to carry on the figure, whocould better read the wood than he, or stand fairer for the heart of thehunt?

He advanced then to my bed side, and whilst he faultered out hismessage, I could observe his colour rise, and his eyes lighten with joy, in seeing me in a situation as favourable to his loosest wishes, as ifhe had bespoke the play. 

I smiled, and put out my hand towards him, which he kneeled down to(a politeness taught him by love alone, that great master of it) andgreedily kissed. After exchanging a few confused questions and answers, I asked him if he would come to bed to me, for the little time I couldventure to detain him. This was just asking a person, dying with hunger, to feast upon the dish on earth the most to his palate. Accordingly, without further reflection, his clothes were off in an instant; when, blushing still more at this new liberty, he got under the bed clothesI held up to receive him, and was now in bed with a woman for the firsttime in his life. 

Here began the usual tender preliminaries, as delicious, perhaps, as thecrowning act of enjoyment itself; which they often beget an impatienceof, that makes pleasure destructive of itself, by hurrying on thefinal period, and closing that scene of bliss, in which the actorsare generally too well pleased with their parts, not to wish them aneternity of duration. 

When we had sufficiently graduated our advances towards the main point, by toying, kissing, clipping, feeling my breasts, now round andplump, feeling that part of me I might call a furnace mouth, from theprodigious intense heat his fiery touches had rekindled there, my youngsportsman, emboldened by the very freedom he could wish, wontonly takesmy hand, and carries it to that enormous machine of his, that stood witha stiffness! a hardness! an upward bend of erection! and which, togetherwith it bottom dependence, the inestimable bulse of ladies jewels, formed a grand showout of goods indeed! Then its dimensions, mockingeither grasp or span, almost renewed my terrors. 

I could not conceive how, or by what means I could take, or put sucha bulk out of sight. I stroked it gently, on which the mutinous rogueseemed to swell, and gather a new degree of fierceness and insolence; sothat finding it grew not to be trifled with any longer, I prepared forrubbers in good earnest. 

Slipping then a pillow under me, that I might give him the fairest play, I guided officiously with my hand this furious battering ram, whose rubyhead, presenting nearest the resemblance of a heart, I applied to itsproper mark, which lay as finely elevated as we could wish; my hipsbeing borne up, and my thighs at their utmost extension, the gleamywarmth that shot from it, made him feel that he was at the mouth of theindraught, and driving fore right, the powerfully divided lips of thatpleasure-thirsty channel received him. He hesitated a little; then, settled well in the passage, he makes his way up the straights of it, with a difficulty nothing more than pleasing, widening as he went soas to distend and smooth each soft furrow: our pleasure increasingdeliciously, in proportion to our points of mutual touch increased inthat so vital part of me which I had now taken him, all indriven, andcompletely sheathed; and which, crammed as it was, stretched splittingripe, gave it so gratefully straight an accommodation! so strict a fold!a suction so fierce! that gave and took unutterable delight. We had nowreached the closest point of union; but when he beckened to come on thefiercer, as if I had ben actuated by a fear of losing him, in the heightof my fury, I twist my legs round his naked loins, the flesh of which, so firm, so springy to the touch, quivered again under the pressure; andnow I had him every way encircled and begirt; and having drawn him hometo me, I kept him fast there, as if I had sought to unite bodies withhim at that point. This bred a pause of action, a pleasure stop, whilstthat delicate glutton, my nether mouth, as full as it could hold, keptpalating, with exquisite relish, the morsel that so deliciously ingorgedit. But nature could not long endure a pleasure that it so highlyprovoked without satisfying it: pursuing then its darling end, thebattery recommenced with redoubled exertion; nor lay I inactive on myside, but encountering him with all the impetuosity of motion I wasmistress of, the downy cloth of our meeting mount was now of real useto break the violence of the tilt; and soon, indeed! the highwroughtagitation, the sweet urgency of this to-and-fro friction, raised thetitillation on me to its height; so that finding myself on the pointof going, and loath to leave the tender partner of my joys behind me, Iemployed all the forwarding motions and arts my experience suggested tome, to promote his keeping me company to our journey's end. I not onlythen tightened the pleasure-girth round my restless inmate, by a secretspring of friction and compression that obeys the will in those parts, but stole my hand softly to that store bag of nature's prime sweets, which is so pleasingly attached to its conduit pipe, from which wereceive them; there feeling, and most gently indeed, squeezing thosetender globular reservoirs, the magic touch took instant effect, quickened, and brought on upon the spur the symptoms of that sweetagony, the melting moment of dissolution, when pleasure dies bypleasure, and the mysterious engine of it overcomes the titillationit has raised in those parts, by plying them with the stream of a warmliquid, that in itself the highest of all titillations, and which theythirstily express and draw in like the hot natured leach, which, tocool itself, tenaciously extracts all the moisture within its sphere ofexecution. Chiming then to me, with exquisite consent, as I melted away, his oily balsamic injection, mixing deliciously with the sluices in flowfrom me, sheathed and blunted all the stings of pleasure, whilst avoluptuous languor possest, and still maintained us motionless, and fastlocked in one another's arms. Alas! that these delights should be nolonger-lived; for now the point of pleasure, unedged by enjoyment, andall the brisk sensations flattened upon us, resigned us up to the coolcares of insipid life. Disengaging myself then from his embrace, I madehim sensible of the reasons there were for his present leaving me; onwhich, though reluctantly, he put on his clothes, with as littleexpedition, however, as he could help, wantonly interrupting himself, between whiles, with kisses, touches and embraces I could not refusemyself to. Yet he happily returned to his master before he was missed;but, at taking leave, I forced him (for he had sentiments enough torefuse it) to receive money enough to buy a silver watch, that greatarticle of subaltern finery, which he at length accepted of, as aremembrance he was carefully to preserve of my affections. 

And here, Madam, I ought, perhaps, to make you an apology for thisminute detail of things, that dwelt so strongly upon my memory, afterso deep an impression; but, besides that this intrigue bred one greatrevolution in my life, which historical truth requires I should not sinkfrom you, may I not presume that so exalted a pleasure ought not to beungratefully forgotten, or suppressed by me, because I found it in acharacter in low life; where, by the by, it is oftener met with, purer, and more unsophisticated, than among the false, ridiculous refinementswith which the great suffer themselves to be so grossly cheated by theirpride: the great! than whom, there exist few amongst those they callthe vulgar, who are more ignorant of, or who cultivate less, the art ofliving than they do; they, I say, who for ever mistake things the mostforeign to the nature of pleasure itself; whose capital favourite objectis enjoyment of beauty, wherever that rare incaluable gift is found, without distinction of birth, or station. 

As love never had, so now revenge had no longer any share in my commercein this handsome youth. The sole pleasures of enjoyment were now thelink I held to him by: for though nature had done such great matersfor him in his outward form, and especially in that superb piece offurniture she had so liberally enriched him with; though he was thusqualified to give the senses their richest feast, still there wassomething more wanting to create in me, and constitute the passion oflove. Yet Will had very good qualities too: gentle, tractable, and, aboveall, grateful; silentious, even to a fault: he spoke, at any time, verylittle, but made it up emphatically with action; and, to do him justice, he never gave me the least reason to complain, either of any tendency toencroach upon me for the liberties I allowed him, or of his indiscretionin blabbing them. There is, then, a fatality in love, or have loved himI must; for he was really a treasure, a bit for the Bonne Bouche of aduchess; and, to say the truth, my liking for him was so extreme, thatit was distinguishing very nicely to deny that I loved him. 

My happiness, however, with him did not last long, but found an endfrom my own imprudent neglect. After having taken even superfluousprecautions against a discovery, our success in repeated meetingsemboldened me to omit the barely necessary ones. About a month afterour first intercourse, one fatal morning (the season Mr. H. .. . Rarelyor never visited me in) I was in my closet, where my toilet stood, innothing but my shift, a bed gown and under petticoat. Will was with me, and both ever too well disposed to baulk an opportunity. For my part, a whim, a wanton toy had just taken me, and I had challenged my man toexecute it on the spot, who hesitated not to comply with my humour:I was set in the arm chair, my shift and petticoat up, my thighs widespread and mounted over the arms of the chair, presenting the fairestmark to Will's drawn weapon, which he stood in act to plunge into me, when, having neglected to secure the chamber door, and that of thecloset standing a-jar, Mr. H. .. . Stole in upon us, before either of uswas aware, and saw us precisely in these convicting attitudes. 

I gave a great scream, and dropped my petticoat: the thunder-strucklad stood trembling and pale, waiting his sentence of death. Mr. H. .. . Looked sometimes at one, sometimes at the other, with a mixture ofindignation and scorn; and, without saying a word, spun upon his heeland went out. 

As confused as I was, I heard him very distinctly turn the key, and lockthe chamber door upon us, so that there was no escape but throughthe dining room, where he himself was walking about with distemperedstrides, stamping in a great chafe, and doubtless debating what he woulddo with us. 

In the mean time, poor William was frightened out of his senses, and, asmuch need as I had of spirits myself, I was obliged to employ them allto keep his a little up. The misfortune I had now brought upon him, endeared him the more to me, and I could have joyfully suffered anypunishment he had not shared in. I watered, plentifully, with my tears, the face of the frightened youth, who sat, not having strength to stand, as cold and as lifeless as a statue. 

Presently Mr. H. .. . Comes in to us again, and made us go before him intothe dining room, trembling and dreading the issue, Mr. H. .. .. Sat down ona chair whilst we stood like criminals under examination; and, beginningwith me, asked me, with an even firm tone of voice, neither soft norsevere, but cruelly indifferent, what I could say for myself, for havingabused him in so unworthy a manner, with his own servant too, and how hehad deserved this of me?

Without adding to the guilt of my infidelity, that of an audaciousdefence of it, in the old style of a common kept miss, my answer wasmodest, and often interrupted by my tears, in substance as follows:"That I never had a single thought of wronging him" (which was true), "till I had seen him taking the last liberties with my servant wench"(here he coloured prodigiously), "and that my resentment at that, whichI was over-awed from giving vent to by complaints, or explanations withhim, had driven me to a course that I did not pretend to justify; butthat as to the young man, he was entirely faultless; for that, inthe view of making him the instrument of my revenge, I had down rightseduced him to what he had done; and therefore hoped, whatever hedetermined about me, he would distinguish between the guilty and theinnocent; and that; for the rest, I was entirely at his mercy. "

Mr. H. .. . On hearing what I said, hung his head a little; but instantlyrecovering himself, he said to me, as near as I can retain, to thefollowing purpose:

"Madam, I owe shame to myself, and confess you have fairly turnedthe tables upon me. It is not with one of your cast of breeding andsentiments, that I allow you so much reason on your side, as greatdifference of the provocations: be it sufficient that I should enterinto a discussion of the very to have changed my resolution, inconsideration of what you reproach me with; and I own, too, that yourclearing that rascal there, is fair and honest in you. Renew with you Icannot: the affront is too gross. I give you a week's warning to get outof these lodgings; whatever I have given you, remains to you; and as Inever intend to see you more, the landlord will pay you fifty pieces onmy account, with which, and every debt paid, I hope you will own I donot leave you in a worse condition than what I took you up in, or thatyou deserve of me. Blame yourself only that it is no better. "

Then, without giving me time to reply, he addressed himself to the youngfellow:

"For you, spark, I shall, for your father's sake, take care of you: thetown is no place for such an easy fool as thou art; and to-morrow youshall set out, under the charge of one of my men, well recommended, inmy name, to your father, not to let you return and be spoil'd here. "

At these words he went out, after my vainly attempting to stop him, bythrowing myself at his feet. He shook me off, though he seemed greatlymoved too, and took Will away with him, who, I dare swear, thoughthimself very cheaply off. 

I was now once more a-drift, and left upon my own hands, by a gentlemanwhom I certainly did not deserve. And all the letters, arts, friends, entreaties that I employed within the week of grace in my lodging, could never win on him so much as to see me again. He had irrevocablypronounced my doom, and submission to it was my only part. Soon after hemarried a lady of birth and fortune, to whom, I have heard he proved anirreproachable husband. 

As for poor Will, he was immediately sent down to the country to hisfather, who was an easy farmer, where he was not four months before aninn-keepers' buxom young widow, with a very good stock, both inmoney and trade, fancied, and perhaps pre-acquainted with his secretexcellencies, married him: and I am sure there was, at least, one goodfoundation for their living happily together. 

Though I should have been charmed to see him before he went, suchmeasures were taken, by Mr. H. .. . 's orders, that it was impossible;otherwise I should certainly have endeavoured to detain him in town, andwould have spared neither offers nor expense to have procured myself thesatisfaction of keeping him with me. He had such powerful holds upon myinclinations as were not easily to be shaken off, or replaced; as to myheart, it was quite out of the question: glad, however, I was from mysoul, that nothing worse, and as things turned out, nothing better couldhave happened to him. 

As to Mr. H. .. , though views of conveniency made me, at first, exertmyself to regain his affection, I was giddy and thoughtless enough to bemuch easier reconciled to my failure than I ought to have been; but as Inever had loved him, and his leaving me gave me a sort of liberty that Ihad often longed for, I was soon comforted; and flattering myself, thatthe stock of youth and beauty I was going to trade with, could hardlyfail of procuring me a maintenance, I saw myself under the necessity oftrying my fortune with them, rather, with pleasure and gaiety, than withthe least idea of despondency. 

In the mean time, several of my acquaintances among the sisterhood, who had soon got wind of my misfortune, flocked to insult me with theirmalicious consolations. Most of them had long envied me the affluenceand splendour I had been maintained in; and though there was scarceone of them that did not at least deserve to be in my case, and wouldprobably, sooner or later, come to it, it was equally easy to remark, even in their affected pity, their secret pleasure at seeing methus discarded, and their secret grief that it was no worse with me. Unaccountable malice of the human heart! and which is not confined tothe class of life they were of. 

But as the time approached for me to come to some resolution how todispose of myself, and I was considering, round where to shift myquarters to, Mrs. Cole, a middle aged discreet sort of woman, who hadbeen brought into my acquaintance by one of the misses that visited me, upon learning my situation, came to offer her cordial advice and serviceto me; and as I had always taken to her more than to any of my femaleacquaintances, I listened the easier to her proposals. And, as ithappened, I could not have put myself into worse, or into better handsin all London: into worse, because keeping a house of conveniency, therewere no lengths in lewdness she would not advise me to go, in compliancewith her customers; no schemes, or pleasure, or even unboundeddebauchery, she did not take even a delight in promoting: into a better, because nobody having had more experience of the wicked part of thetown than she had, was fitter to advise and guard one against the worstdangers of our profession; and what was rare to be met with in thoseof her's, she contented herself with a moderate living profit upon herindustry and good offices, and had nothing of their greedy rapaciousturn. She was really too a gentlewoman born and bred, but through atrain of accidents reduced to this course, which she pursued, partlythrough necessity, partly through choice, as never woman delighted morein encouraging a brisk circulation of the trade, for the sake of thetrade itself, or better understood all the mysteries and refinementsof it, than she did; so that she was consummately at the top of herprofession, and dealt only with customers of distinction: to answer thedemands of whom she kept a competent number of her daughters in constantrecruit (so she called those whom their youth and personal charmsrecommended to her adoption and management: several of whom, by hermeans, and through her tuition and instructions, succeeded very well inthe world). 

This useful gentlewoman upon whose protection I now threw myself, havingher reasons of state, respecting Mr. H. .. . , for not appearing too muchin the thing herself, sent a friend of her's, on the day appointed formy removal, to conduct me to my new lodgings at a brush-maker's in E----street, Covent Garden, the very next door to her own house, where shehad no conveniences to lodge me herself: lodgings that, by having beenfor several successions tenanted by ladies of pleasures, the landlordof them was familiarized to their ways; and provided the rent was paid, every thing else was as easy and commodious as one could desire. 

The fifty guineas promised me by Mr. H. .. . , at his parting with me, having been duly paid me, all my clothes and moveables chested up, whichwere at least of two hundred pounds value, I had them conveyed into acoach, where I soon followed them, after taking a civil leave of thelandlord and his family, with whom I had never lived in a degreeof familiarity enough to regret the removal; but still, the verycircumstance of its being a removal, drew tears from me. I left, too, a letter of thanks for Mr. H. .. . , from whom I concluded myself, as Ireally was, irretrievably separated. 

My maid I had discharged the day before, not only because I had her ofMr. H. .. . , but that I suspected her of having some how or other been theoccasion of his discovering me, in revenge, perhaps, for my not havingtrusted her with him. 

We soon got to my lodgings, which, though not so handsomely furnished, nor so showy as those I left, were to the full as convenient, and athalf price, though on the first floor. My trunks were safely landed, andstowed in my apartments, where my neighbour, and now gouvernante, Mrs. Cole, was ready with my landlord to receive me, to whom she took care toset me out in the most favourable light, that of one from whom there wasthe clearest reason to expect the regular payment of his rent: all thecardinal virtues attributed to me, would not have had half the weight ofthat recommendation alone. 

I was now settled in lodgings of my own, abandoned to my own conduct, and turned loose upon the town, to sink or swim, as I could manage withthe current of it; and what were the consequences, together withthe number of adventures which befell me in the exercise of my newprofession, will compose the mater of another letter: for surely it ishigh time to put a period! to this. 

I am, MADAM, Yours, etc. , etc. , etc. 

 THE END OF THE FIRST LETTER

LETTER THE SECOND

Madam:

If I have delayed the sequel of my history, it has been purely to allowmyself a little breathing time not without some hopes, that, instead ofpressing me to a continuation, you would have acquitted me of the taskof pursuing a confession, in the course of which my self-esteem has somany wounds to sustain. 

I imagined, indeed, that you would have been cloyed and tired withuniformity of adventures and expressions, inseparable from a subject ofthis sort, whose bottom, or groundwork being, in the nature of thingseternally one and the same, whatever variety of forms and modes thesituations are susceptible of, there is no escaping a repetition ofnear the same images, the same figures, the same expressions, with thisfurther inconvenience added to the disgust it creates, that the wordsJoys, Ardours, Transports, Extasies and the rest of those pathetic termsso congenial to, so received in the Practice of Pleasure, flattenand lose much of their due spirit and energy by the frequency theyindispensably recur with, in a narrative of which that Practiceprofessedly composes the whole basis. I must therefore trust to thecandour of your judgment, for your allowing for the disadvantage Iam necessarily under in that respect; and to your imagination andsensibility, the pleasing taks of repairing it, by their supplements, where my descriptions flag or fail: the one will readily place thepictures I present before your eyes; the other give life to the colourswhere they are dull, or worn with too frequent handling. 

What you say besides, by way of encouragement concerning the extremedifficulty of continuing so long in one strain, in a mean tempered withtaste, between the revoltingness of gross, rank and vulgar expressions, and the ridicule of mincing metaphors and affected circumlocutions, isso sensible, as well as good-natured, that you greatly justify me tomyself for my compliance with a curiosity that is to be satisfied soextremely at my expense. 

Resuming now where I broke off in my last, I am in my way to remark toyou, that it was late in the evening before I arrived at my lodgings, and Mrs. Cole, after helping me to range and secure my things, spentthe whole evening with me in my apartment, where we supped together, ingiving me the best advice and instruction with regard to the new stageof my profession I was now to enter upon; and passing thus from aprivate devotee to pleasure into a public one, to become a more generalgood, with all the advantages requisite to put my person out to use, either for interest or pleasure, or both. "But then, " she observed, "asI was a kind of new face upon the town, that is, was an established ruleand myster of trade, for me to pass for a maid and dispose of myselfas such on the first good occasion, without prejudice, however, to suchdiversions as I might have a mind to in the interim; for that nobodycould be a greater enemy than she was to the losing of time. That shewould, in the mean time, do her best to find out a proper person, andwould undertake to manage this nice point for me, if I would acceptof her aid and advice to such good purpose, that, in the loss of afictitious maidenhead, I should reap all the advantages of a nativeone. "

As too great a delicacy of sentiments did not extremely belong to mycharacter at that time, I confess, against myself, that I perhaps tooreadily closed with a proposal which my candor and ingenuity gave mesome repugnance to: but not enough to contradict the intention of one towhom I had now thoroughly abandoned the direction of all my steps. ForMrs. Cole had, I do not know how unless by one of those unaccountableinvincible sympathies that, nevertheless, from the strongest links, especially of female friendship, won and got entire possession of me. Onher side, she pretended that a strict resemblance, she fancied she sawin me, to an only daughter whom she had lost at my age, was the firstmotive of her taking to me so affectionately as she did. It might be so:there exist a slender motives of attachment, that, gathering force fromhabit and liking, have proved often more solid and durable than thosefounded on much stronger reasons; but this I know, that though I hadno other acquaintance with her, than seeing her at my lodgings, whenI lived with Mr. H. .. , where she had made errands to sell me somemillinery ware, she had by degrees insinuated herself so far into myconfidence, that I threw myself blindly into her hands, and came, at length, to regard, love, and obey her implicitly; and, to do herjustice, I never experienced at her hands other than a sincerity oftenderness, and care for my interest, hardly heard of in those ofher profession. We parted that night, after having settled a perfectunreserved agreement; and the next morning Mrs. Cole came, and took mewith her to her house for the first time. 

Here, at the first sight of things, I found every thing breathe an airof decency, modesty and order. 

In the outer parlour, or rather shop, sat three young women, ratherdemurely employed on millinery work, which was the cover of a traffic inmore precious commodities; but three beautifuller creatures could hardlybe seen. Two of them were extremely fair, the eldest not above nineteen;and the third, much about that age, was a piquant brunette, whose blacksparking eyes, and perfect harmony of features and shape, left hernothing to envy in her fairer companions. Their dress too had the moredesign in it, the less it appeared to have, being in a taste of uniformcorrect neatness, and elegant simplicity. These were the girls thatcomposed the small domestic flock, which my governess trained up withsurprising order and management, considering the giddy wildness of younggirls once got upon the loose. But then she never continued any in herhouse, whom, after a due noviciate, she found un-tractable, or unwillingto comply with the rules of it. Thus she had insensibly formed a littlefamily of love, in which the members found so sensibly their account, in a rare alliance of pleasure and interest, and of a necessary outwarddecency, with unbounded secret liberty, that Mrs. Cole, who had pickedthem as much for their temper as their beauty, governed them with easeto herself and them too. 

To these pupils then of hers, whom she had prepared, she presented meas a new boarder, and one that was to be immediately admitted to all theintimacies of the house; upon which these charming girls gave me all themarks of a welcome reception, and indeed of being perfectly pleased withmy figure, that I could possibly expect from any of my own sex: but theyhad been effectually brought to sacrifice all jealousy, or competitionof charms, to a common interest, and considered me a partner that wasbringing no despicable stock of goods into the trade of the house. Theygathered round me, viewed me on all sides; and as my admission into thisjoyous troop made a little holiday, the shew of work was laid aside; andMrs. Cole giving me up, with special recommendation, to their caressesand entertainment, went about her ordinary business of the house. 

The sameness of our sex, age, profession, and views, soon creasedas unreserved a freedom and intimacy as if we had been for yearsacquainted. They took and shewed me the house, their respectiveapartments, which were furnished with every article of convenience andluxury; and above all, a spacious drawing-room, where a select revellingband usually met, in general parties of pleasure; the girls suppingwith their sparks, and acting their wanton pranks with unboundedlicentiousness; whilst a defiance of awe, modesty or jealousy were theirstanding rules, by which, according to the principles of their society, whatever pleasure was lost on the side of sentiment, was abundantly madeup to the senses in the poignancy of variety, and the charms of ease andluxury. The authors and supporters of this secret institution would, inthe height of their humour, style themselves the restorers of the goldenage and its simplicity of pleasures, before their innocence became sounjustly branded with the names of guilt and shame. 

As soon then as the evening began, and the shew of a shop was shut, theacademy opened; the mask of mock-modesty was completely taken off, andall the girls delivered over to their respective calls of pleasureor interest with their men: and none of that sex was promiscuouslyadmitted, but only such as Mrs. Cole was previously satisfied with theircharacter and discretion. In short, this was the safest, politest, and, at the same time, the most thorough house of accommodation in town:every thing being conducted so, that decency made no intrenchment uponthe most libertine pleasures; in the practice of which, too, the choicefamiliars of the house had found the secret so rare and difficult, ofreconciling even all the refinements of taste and delicacy, with themost gross and determinate gratifications of sensuality. 

After having consumed the morning in the dear endearments andinstructions of my new acquaintance, we went to dinner, when Mrs. Cole, presiding at the head of her club, gave me the first idea of hermanagement and address, in inspiring these girls with so sensible alove and respect for her. There was no stiffness, no reserve, no airs ofpique, or little jealousies, but all was unaffectedly gay, cheerful andeasy. 

After dinner, Mrs. Cole, seconded by the young ladies, acquainted methat there was a chapter to be held that night in form, for the ceremonyof my reception into the sisterhood; and in which, with all due reserveto my maidenhead, that was to be occasionally cooked up for the firstproper chapman. I was to undergo a ceremonial of initiation they weresure I should not be displeased with. 

Embarked as I was, and moreover captivated with the charms of my newcompanions, I was too much prejudiced in favour of any proposal theycould make, to as much as hesitate an assent; which, therefore, readilygiving in the style of a carte blanche, I received fresh kisses ofcompliment from them all, in approval of my docility and good nature. Now I was "a sweet girl. .. I came into things with a good grace. .. I wasnot affectedly coy. .. I should be the pride of the house, " and the like. 

This point thus adjusted, the young women left Mrs. Cole to talk andconcert matters with me, when she explained to me, that "I should beintroduced that very evening, to four of her best friends, one ofwhom she had, according to the custom of the house, favoured with thepreference of engaging me in the first party of pleasure;" assuring me, at the same time, "that they were all young gentlemen agreeable in theirpersons, and unexceptionable in every respect; that united, and holdingtogether by the band of common pleasures, they composed the chiefsupport of her house, and made very liberal presents to the girls thatpleased and humoured them, so that they were, properly speaking, thefounders and patrons of this little seraglio. Not but that she had, atproper seasons, other customers to deal with, whom she stood less uponpunctilio with, than with these; for instance, it was not on one of themshe could attempt to pass me for a maid; they were not only too knowing, too much town-bred to bite at such a bait, but they were such generousbenefactors to her, that it would be unpardonable to think of it. "

Amidst all the flutter and emotion which this promise of pleasure, forsuch I conceived it, stirred up in me, I preserved so much of the woman, as to feign just reluctance enough to make some merit, of sacrificing itto the influence of my patroness, whom I likewise, still in character, reminded of it perhaps being right for me to go home and dress, infavour of my first impressions. 

But Mrs. Cole, in opposition to this, assured me, "that the gentlemenI should be presented to were, by their rank and taste of things, infinitely superior to the being touched with any glare of dress orornaments, such slick women rather confound and overlay than set offtheir beauty with; that these veteran voluptuaries knew better than notto hold them in the highest contempt: they with whom the pure nativecharms alone could pass current, and who would at any time leave asallow, washy, painted duchess on her own hands, for a ruddy, healthyfirm fleshed country maid; and as for my part, that nature haddone enough for me, to set me above owing the least favour to art;"concluding withal, that for the instant occasion, there was no dresslike an undress. 

I thought my governess too good a judge of these matters, not tobe easily overruled by her: after which she went on preaching verypathetically the doctrine of passive obedience and non-resistance toall those arbitrary tastes of pleasure, which are by some styled therefinements, and by others the depravations of it; between whom it wasnot the business of a simple girl, who was to profit by pleasing, todecide, but to conform to. Whilst I was edifying by these wholesomelessons, tea was brought in, and the young ladies, returning, joinedcompany with us. 

After a great deal of mixed chat, frolic and humour, one of them, observing that there would be a good deal of time on and before theassembly hour, proposed that each girl should entertain the companywith that critical period of her personal history, in which she firstexchanged the maiden state for womanhood. The proposal was approved, with only one restriction of Mrs. Cole, that she, on account of her age, and I, on account of my titular maidenhead, should be excused, atleast till I had undergone the forms of the house. This obtained me adispensation, and the promotress of this amusement was desired to begin. 

Her name was Emily; a girl fair to excess, and whose limbs were, ifpossible, too well made, since their plump fulness was rather to theprejudice of that delicate slimness required by the nicer judges ofbeauty; her eyes were blue, and streamed inexpressible sweetness, andnothing could be prettier than her mouth and lips, which closed over arange of the evenest and whitest teeth. Thus she began:

"Neither my extraction, nor the most critical adventure of my life, issublime enough to impeach me of any vanity in the advancement of theproposal you have approved of. My father and mother were, and for aughtI know, are still, farmers in the country, not above forty miles fromtown: their barbarity to me, in favour of a son, on whom alone theyvouchsafed to bestow their tenderness, had a thousand times determinedme to fly their house, and throw myself on the wide world; but, atlength, an accident forced me on this desperate attempt at the age offifteen. I had broken a chinabowl, the pride and idol of both theirhearts; and as an unmerciful beating was the least I had to depend on attheir hands, in the silliness of these tender years, I left the house, and, at all adventures, took the road to London. How my loss wasresented I do not know, for till this instant I have not hearda syllable about them. My whole stock was two broad pieces of mygodmother's, a few shillings, silver shoe-buckles and a silver thimble. Thus equipped, with no more clothes than the ordinary ones I had on myback, and frightened at every foot or noise I heard behind me, I hurriedon; and I dare sweare, walked a dozen miles before I stopped, throughmere weariness and fatigue. At length I sat down on a style, weptbitterly, and yet was still rather under increased impressions of fearon the account of my escape; which made me dread, worse than death, thegoing back to my unnatural parents. Refreshed by this little repose, andrelieved by my tears, I was proceeding onward, when I was overtaken by asturdy country lad, who was going to London to see what he could do forhimself there, and, like me, had given his friends the slip. He couldnot be above seventeen, was ruddy, well featured enough, with uncombedflaxen hair, a little flapped hat, kersey frock, yarn stockings, inshort, a perfect plough boy. I saw him come whistling behind me, with abundle tied to the end of a stick, his travelling equipage. We walked byone another for some time without speaking; at length we joined company, and agreed to keep together till we got to our journey's end; what hisdesigns or ideas were, I know not: the innocence of mine I can solemnlyprotest. 

"As night drew on, it became us to look out for some inn or shelter; towhich perplexity another was added, and that was, what we should say forourselves, if we were questioned. After some puzzle, the young fellowstarted a proposal, which I thought the finest that could be; and whatwas that? why, that we should pass for husband and wife: I never dreamedof consequences. We came presently, after having agreed on this notableexperience, to one of those hedge accommodations for foot passengers, at the door of which stood an old crazy beldam, who seeing us trudge by, invited us to lodge there. Glad of any cover, we went in, and my fellowtraveller, taking all upon him, called for what the house afforded, andwe supped together as man and wife; which, considering our figures andages, could not have passed on any one but such as any thing couldpass on. But when bed-time came on, we had neither of us the courageto contradict our first account of ourselves; and what was extremelypleasant, the young lad seemed as perplexed as I was how to evade lyingtogether, which was so natural for the state we had pretended to. Whilstwe were in this quandary, the landlady takes the candles, and lightsus to our apartment, through a long yard, at the end of which it stood, separate from the body of the house. Thus we suffered ourselves to beconducted, without saying a word in opposition to it; and there, in awretched room, with a bed answerable, we were left to pass the nighttogether, as a thing quite of course. For my part, I was so incrediblyinnocent, as not even to think much more harm of going into bed with theyoung man, than with one of our dairy wenches; nor had he, perhaps, anyother notions than those of innocence, till such a fair occasion putthem into his head. 

"Before either of us undressed, however, he put out the candle; and thebitterness of the weather made it a kind of necessity for me to go intobed: slipping then my clothes off, I crept under the bedclothes, whereI found the young stripling already nestled, and the touch of his warmflesh rather pleased than alarmed me. I was indeed too much disturbedwith the novelty of my condition to be able to sleep; but then I hadnot the least thought of harm. But oh! how powerful are the instinctsof nature! how little is there wanting to set them in action! The youngman, sliding his arm under my body, drew me gently towards him, as ifto keep himself and me warmer; and the heat I felt from joining ourbreasts, kindled another that I had hitherto never felt, and was, even then, a stranger to the nature of. Emboldened, I suppose, by myeasiness, he ventured to kiss me, and I insensibly returned it; withoutknowing the consequence of returning it: for, on this encouragement, heslipped his hand all down from my breast to that part of me where thesense of feeling is so exquisitely critical, as I then experienced byits instant taking fire upon the touch, and glowing with a strangetickling heat: there he pleased himself and me, by feeling, till growinga little too bold with me, he hurt me, and made me complain. Then hetook my hand, which he guided, not unwillingly on my side, between thetwist of his closed thighs, which were extremely warm; there he lodgedand pressed it, till raising it by degrees, he made me feel the prouddistinction of his sex from mine. I was frightened at the novelty, and drew back my hand; yet, pressed and spurred on by sensations of astrange pleasure, I could not help asking him what that was for? Hetold me he would shew me if I would let him; and without waiting formy answer, which he prevented by stopping my mouth with kisses I wasfar from disrelishing, he got upon me, and inserting one of his thighsbetween mine, opened them so as to make way for himself, and fixed me tohis purpose; whilst I was so much out of my usual sense, so subduedby the present power of a new one, that, between far and desire, I layutter passive, till the piercing pain rouzed and made me cry out. Butit was too late: he was too firm fixed in the saddle for me to compassflinging him, with all the struggles I could use, some of which onlyserved to further his point, and at length an irresistible thrustmurdered at once my maidenhead, and almost me. I now lay a bleedingwitness of the necessity imposed on our sex, to gather the first honeyoff the thorns. 

"But the pleasure rising as the pain subsided, I was soon reconciled tofresh trials, and before morning, nothing on earth could be dearer to methan this rifler of my virgin sweets: he was every thing to me now. 

"How we agreed to join fortunes: how we came up to town together, wherewe lived some time, till necessity-parted us, and drove me into thiscourse of life, to which I had been long ago bettered and torn to piecesbefore I came to this age, as much through my easiness, as throughinclination, had it not been for my finding refuge in this house: theseare all circumstances which pass the mark I proposed, so that here mynarrative ends. "

In the order of our sitting, it was Harriet's turn to go on. Amongstall the beauties of our sex, that I had before, or have since seen, fewindeed were the forms that could dispute excellence with her's; it wasnot delicate, but delicacy itself incarnate, such was the symmetry ofher small but exactly fashioned limbs. Her complexion, fair as itwas, appeared yet more fair, from the effect of two black eyes, thebrilliancy of which gave her face more vivacity than belonged to thecolour of it, which was only defended from paleness, by a sweetlypleasing blush in her cheeks, that grew fainter and fainter, till atlength it died away insensibly into the overbearing white. Then herminiature features joined to finish the extreme sweetness of it, whichwas not belied by that of a temper turned to indolence, languor, andthe pleasures of love. Pressed to subscribe her contingent, she smiled, blushed a little, and thus complied with our desires:

"My father was neither better nor worse than a miller near the city ofYork; and both he and my mother dying whilst I was an infant, I fellunder the care of a widow and childless aunt, housekeeper to my lordN. .. , at his seat in the county of. .. , where she brought me up with allimaginable tenderness. I was not seventeen, as I am not now eighteen, before I had, on account of my person purely (for fortune I hadnotoriously none), several advantageous proposals; but whether naturewas slow in making me sensible in her favourite passion, or that I hadnot seen any of the other sex who had stirred up the least emotionor curiosity to be better acquainted with it, I had, till that age, preserved a perfect innocence, even of thought: whilst my fears of Idid not now well know what, made me no more desirous of marrying than ofdying. My aunt, good woman, favoured my timorousness, which she loookedon as childish affection, that her own experience might probably assureher would wear off in time, and gave my suitors proper answers for me. 

"The family had not been down at that seat for years, so that it wasneglected, and committed entirely to my aunt, and two old domestics totake care of it. Thus I had the full range of a spacious lonely houseand gardens, situated at about half a mile distance from any otherhabitation, except, perhaps, a straggling cottage or so. 

"Here, in tranquillity and innocence, I grew up without any memorableaccident, till one fatal day I had, as I had often done before, left myaunt asleep, and secure for some hours, after dinner; and resorting to akind of ancient summer house, at some distance from the house, I carriedmy work with me, and sat over a rivulet, which its door and window facedupon. Here I fell into a gentle breathing slumber, which stole upon mysenses, as they fainted under the excessive heat of the season atthat hour; a cane couch, with my work basked for a pillow, were all theconveniences of my short repose; for I was soon awaked and alarmed by aflounce, and noise of splashing in the water. I got up to see what wasthe matter; and what indeed should it be but the son of a neighbouringgentleman, as I afterwards found (for I had never seen him before), who had strayed that way with his gun, and heated by his sport, and thesultriness of the day, had been tempted by the freshness of the clearstream; so that presently stripping, he jumped into it on the otherside, which bordered on a wood, some trees whereof, inclined down to thewater, formed a pleasing shady recess, commodious to undress and leavehis clothes under. 

"My first emotions at the sight of this youth, naked in the water, were, with all imaginable respect to truth, those of surprise and fear;and, in course, I should immediately have run out, had not my modesty, fatally for itself, interposed the objection of the door and windowbeing so situated, that it was scarce possible to get out, and make myway along the bank to the house, without his seeing me: which I couldnot bear the thought of, so much ashamed and confounded was I at havingseen him. Condemned then to stay till his departure should release me, I was greatly embarrassed how to dispose of myself: I kept some timebetwixt terror and modesty, even from looking through the window, whichbeing an old fashioned casement, without any light behind me, couldhardly betray any one's being there to him from within; then the doorwas so secure, that without violence, or my own consent, there was noopening it from without. 

"But now, by my own experience, I found it too true, that objects whichaffright us, when we cannot get from them, draw our eyes as forcibly asthose that please us. I could not long withstand that nameless impulse, which, without any desire of this novel sight, compelled me towardsit; emboldened too by my certainty of being at once unseen and safe, I ventured by degrees to cast my eyes on an object so terrible andalarming to my virgin modesty as a naked man. 

"But as I snatched a look, the first gleam that struck me, was in generalthe dewy lustre of the whitest skin imaginable, which the sun playingupon made the reflection of it perfectly beamy. His face, in theconfusion I was in, I could not well distinguish the lineamints of, anyfarther than that there was a great deal of youth and freshness in it. The frolic and various play of all his fine polished limbs, as theyappeared above the surface, in the course of his swimming or wantoningwith the water, amused and insensibly delighted me; sometimes he laymotionless, on his back, waterborne, and dragging after him a fine headof hair, that, floating, swept the stream in a bush of black curls. Thenthe overflowing water would make a separation between his breast andglossy white belly; at the bottom of which I could not escape observingso remarkable a distinction, as a black mossy tuft, out of whichappeared to emerge a round, softish, limber, white something, thatplayed every way, with ever the least motion or whirling eddy. I cannotsay but that part chiefly, by a kind of natural instinct, attracted, detained, captivated my attention: it was out of the power of all mymodesty to command my eye away from it; and seeing nothing so verydreadful in its appearance, I insensibly looked away all my fears: butas fast as they gave way, new desires and strange wishes took place, andI melted as I gazed. The fire of nature, that had so long lain dormantor concealed, began to break out, and made me feel my sex for the firsttime. He had now changed his posture, and swam prone on his belly, striking out with his legs and arms; finer modeled than which couldnot have been cast, whilst his floating locks played over a neck andshoulders whose whiteness they delightfully set off. Then the luxuriantswell of flesh that rose from the small of his back, and terminates itsdouble cope at where the thighs are set off, perfectly dazzled one withits watery glistening gloss. 

"By this time I was so affected by this inward involution of sentiments, so softened by this sight, that now, betrayed into a sudden transitionfrom extreme fears to extreme desires, I found these last so strong uponme, the heat of the weather too perhaps conspiring to exalt theirrage, that nature almost fainted under them. Not that I so much as knewprecisely what was wanting to me: my only thought was, that so sweeta creature, as this youth seemed to me, could only make me happy; butthen, the little likelihood there was of compassing an acquaintance withhim, or perhaps of ever seeing him again, dashed my desires, and turnedthem into torments. I was still gazing, with all the powers of my sight, on this bewitching object, when, in an instant, down he went. I hadheard of such things as a cramp seizing on even the best swimmers, andoccasioning their being drowned; and imagining this so sudden eclipseto be owing to it, the inconceivable fondness this unknown lad had givenbirth to, distracted me with the most killing terrors; insomuch, that myconcern giving the wings, I flew to the door, opened it, ran down tothe canal, guided thither by the madness of my fears for him, and theintense desire of being an instrument to save him, though I was ignoranthow, or by what means to effect it: but was it for fears, and a passionso sudden as mine, to reason! All this took up scarce the space of a fewmoments. I had then just life enough to reach the green borders of thewaterpiece, where wildly looking round for the young man, and missinghim still, my fright and concern sunk me down in a deep swoon, whichmust have lasted me some time; for I did not come to myself, till I wasroused out of it by a sense of pain that pierced me to the vitals, andawaked me to the the most surprising circumstance of finding myself notonly in the arms of this very young gentleman I had been so solicitousto save; but taken at such an advantage in my unresisting condition, that he had actually completed his entrance into me so far, thatweakened as I was by all the preceding conflicts of mind I had suffered, and struck dumb by the violence of my surprise, I had neither the powerto cry out, nor the strength to disengage myself from his strenuousembraces, before, urging his point, he had forced his way and completelytriumphed over my virginity, as he might now as well see by thestreams of blood that followed his drawing out, as he had felt by thedifficulties he had met with consummating his penetration. But thesight of the blood, and the sense of my condition, had (as he told meafterwards), since the ungovernable rage of his passion was somewhatappeased, now wrought so far on him, that at all risks, even of theworst consequences, he could not find in his heart to leave me, and makeoff, which he might easily have done. I still lay all discomposedin bleeding ruin, palpitating, speechless, unable to get off, andfrightened, and fluttering like a poor wounded partridge, and readyto faint away again at the sense of what had befallen me. The younggentleman was by me, kneeling, kissing my hand, and with tears in hiseyes, beseeching me to forgive him, and offering all the reparation inhis power. It is certain that could I, at the instant of regaining mysenses, have called out, or taken the bloodiest revenge, I would notbe stuck at it; the violation was attended too with such aggravatingcircumstances, though he was ignorant of them, since it was to myconcern for the preservation of his life, that I owed my ruin. 

"But how quick is the shift of passions from one extreme to another! andhow little are they acquainted with the human heart who dispute it! Icould not see this amiable criminal, so suddenly the first object of mylove, and as suddenly of my just hate, on his knees, bedewing my handswith his tears, without relenting. He was still stark-naked, but mymodesty had been already too much wounded, in essentials, to be so muchshocked as I should have otherwise been with appearances only; in short, my anger ebbed so fast, and the tide of love returned so strong uponme, that I felt it a point of my own happiness to forgive him. Thereproaches I made him were murmured in so soft a tone, my eyes met hiswith such glances, expressing more languor than resentment, that hecould not but presume his forgiveness was at no desperate distance; butstill he would not quit his posture of submission, till I hadpronounced his pardon in form; which after the most fervent entreaties, protestations, and promises, I had not the power to withhold. On which, with the utmost marks of a fear of again offending, he ventured tokiss my lips, which I neither declined nor resented: but on my mildexpostulation with him upon the barbarity of his treatment, he explainedthe mystery of my ruin, if not entirely to the clearance, at least muchto the alleviation of his guilt, in the eyes of a judge so partial inhis favour as I was grown. 

"It seems that the circumstance of his going down, or sinking, whichin my extreme ignorance I had mistaken for something very fatal, was noother than a trick of diving, which I had not ever heard, or at leastattended o, the mention of: and he was so long-breathed at it, that inthe few moments in which I ran out to save him, he had not yet emerged, before I fell into the swoon, in which, as he rose, seeing me extendedon the bank, his first idea was, that some young woman was upon somedesign of frolic or diversion with him, for he knew I could not havefallen asleep there without his having seen me before: agreebly to whichnotion he had ventured to approach, and finding me without sign of life, and still perplexed as he was what to think of the adventure, he tookme in his arms at all hazards, and carried me into the summer-house, ofwhich he observed the door open: there he laid me down on the couch, andtried, as he protested in good faith, by several means to bring me tomyself again, till fired, as he said, beyond all bearing by the sightand touch of several parts of me, which were unguardedly exposed to him, he could no longer govern his passion; and the less, as he was not quitesure that his first idea of this swoon being a feint, was not the verytruth of the case; seduced then by this flattering notion, and overcomeby the present, as he styled them, super-human temptations, combinedwith the solitude and seeming security of the attempt, he was not enoughhis own master not to make it. Leaving me then just only whilst hefastened the door, he returned with redoubled eagerness to his prey:when, finding me still entranced, he ventured to place me as he pleased, whilst I felt, no more than the dead, what he was about, till the painhe put me to roused me just in time enough to be witness of a triumph Iwas not able to defeat, and now scarce regretted: for as he talked, the tone of his voice sounded, methought, so sweetly in my ears, thesensible nearness of so new and interesting an object to me, wrought sopowerfully upon me, that, in the rising perception of things in a newand pleasing light, I lost all sense of the past injury. The younggentleman soon discerned the symptoms of a reconciliation in my softenedlooks, and hastening to receive the seal of it from my lips, pressedthem tenderly to pass his pardon in the return of a kiss so meltingfiery, that the impression of it being carried to my heart, and thenceto my new discovered sphere of Venus, I was melted into a softnessthat could refuse him nothing. When now he managed his caresses andendearments so artfully, as to insinuate the most soothing consolationsfor the past pain and the most pleasing expectations of future pleasure, but whilst mere modesty kept my eyes from seeing his and rather declinedthem, I had a glimpse of that instrument of mischief which was now, obviously even to me, who had scarce had snatches of a comparativeobservation of it, resuming its capacity to renew it, and grew greatlyalarming with its increase of size, as he bore it no doubt designedly, hard and stiff against one of my hands carelessly dropt; but then heemployed such tender prefacing, such winning progressions, that myreturning passion of desire being now so strongly prompted by theengaging circumstances of the sight and incendiary touch of hisnaked glowing beauties, I yield at length at the force of the presentimpressions, and he obtained of my tacit blushing consent all thegratifications of pleasure left in the power of my poor person tobestow, after he had cropt its richest flower, during my suspension oflife, and abilities to guard it. Here, according to the rule laid down, I should stop; but I am so much in notion, that I could not if I would. I shall only add, however, that I got home without the least discovery, or suspicion of what had happened. I met my young ravisher several timesafter, whom I now passionately loved and who, though not of age toclaim a small but independent fortune, would have married me; but as theaccident that prevented it, and its consequences, which threw me on thepublic, contain matters too moving and serious to introduce at present, I cut short here. "

Louisa, the brunette whom I mentioned at first, now took her turn totreat the company with her history. I have already hinted to you thegraces of her person, than which nothing could be more exquisitelytouching; I repeat touching, as a just distinction from striking, whichis ever a less lasting effect, and more generally belongs to the faircomplexions; but leaving that decision to every one's taste, I proceedto give you Louisa's narrative as follows:

"According to practical maxims of life, I ought to boast of my birth, since I owe it to pure love, without marriage; but this I know, it wasscarce possible to inherit a stronger propensity to that cause of mybeing than I did. I was the rare production of the first essay of ajourneyman cabinet-maker, on his master's maid: the consequence of whichwas a big belly, and the loss of a place. He was not in circumstances todo much for her; and yet, after all this blemish, she found means, aftershe had dropt her burthen, and disposed of me to a poor relation inthe country, to repair it by marrying a pastry-cook here in London, in thriving business; on whom she soon, under favour of the completeascendant he had given her over him, passed me for a child she had byher first husband. I had, on that footing, been taken home, and wasnot six years old when this father-in-law died, and left my motherin tolerable circumstances, and without any children by him. As to mynatural father, he had betaken himself to the sea; where, when the truthof things came out, I was told that he died, not immensely rich you maythink, since he was no more than a common sailor. As I grew up, underthe eyes of my mother, who kept on the business, I could not but see, in her severe watchfulness, the marks of a slip, which she did notcare should be hereditary; but we no more choose our passions thanour features or complexions, and the bent of mine was so strong to theforbidden pleasure, that it got the better, at length, of all her careand precaution. I was scarce twelve years old, before that partwhich she wanted so much to keep out of harm's way, made me feel itsimpatience to be taken notice of, and come into play; already had itput forth the signs of forwardness in the sprout of a soft down over it, which had often fluttered, and I might also say, grown under my constanttouch and visitation, so pleased was I with what I took to be a kindof title to womanhood, that state I pined to be entered of, for thepleasures I conceived were annexed to it; and now the growing importanceof that part to me, and the new sensations in it, demolished at once allmy girlish play-things and amusements. Nature now pointed me stronglyto more solid diversions, while all the stings of desire settled sofiercely in that little centre of them, that I could not mistake thespot I wanted a playfellow in. 

"I now shunned all company in which there was no hopes of coming atthe object of my longings, and used to shut myself up, to indulge insolitude some tender meditation on the pleasure I strongly perceived theoverture of, in feeling and examining what nature assured me must be thechosen avenue, the gates for unknown bliss to enter at, that I pantedafter. 

"But these meditations only increased my disorder, and blew the firethat consumed me. I was yet worse when, yielding at length to theinsupportable irritations of the little fairy charm that tormented me, I seized it with my fingers, teazing it to no end. Sometimes, in thefurious excitations of desire, I threw myself on the bed, spread mythighs abroad, and lay as it were expecting the longed-for relief, tillfinding my illusion, I shut and squeezed them together again, burningand fretting. In short, this develish thing, with its impetuous girdsand itching fires, led me such a life, that I could neither, night orday, be at peace with it or myself. In time, however, I thought I hadgained a prodigious prize, when figuring to myself that my fingers weresomething of the shape of what I pined for, I worked my way in with oneof them with great agitation and delight; yet not without pain too did Ideflower myself as far as it could reach; proceeding with such a fury ofpassion, in this solitary and last shift of pleasure, as extended me atlength breathless on the bed in an amorous melting trance. 

"But frequency of use dulling the sensation, I soon began to perceivethat this work was but a paultry shallow expedient, that went but alittle way to relieve me, and rather raised more flame than its dry andinsignificant titillation could rightly appease. 

"Man alone, I almost instinctively knew, as well as by what I hadindustriously picked up at weddings and christenings, was possessed ofthe only remedy that could reduce this rebellious disorder; but watchedand overlooked as I was, how to come at it was the point, and that, toall appearance, an invincible one; not that I did not rack my brains andinvention how at once to elude my mothers vigilance, and procure myselfthe satisfaction of my impetuous curiosity and longings for this mightyand untasted pleasure. At length, however, a singular chance did at oncethe work of a long course of alertness. One day that we had dined atan acquaintance over the way, together with a gentlewoman-lodger thatoccupied the first floor of our house, there started an indispensablenecessity for my mother's going down to Greenwich to accompany her: theparty was settled, when I do not know what genius whispered me to pleada headache, which I certainly had not, against my being included in ajaunt that I had not the least relish for. The pretext, however, passed, and my mother, with much reluctance, prevailed with herself to gowithout me; but took particular care to see me safe home, where sheconsigned me into the hands of an old trusty maidservants, who served inthe shop, for we had not a male creature in the house. 

"As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up and lie down onour lodger's bed, mine not being made, with a charge to her at the sametime not to disturb me, as it was only rest I wanted. This injunctionprobably proved of eminent service to me. As soon as I was got into thebedchamber, I unlaced my stays, and threw myself on the outside of thebedclothes, in all the loosest undress. Here I gave myself up to the oldinsipid privy shifts of my self-viewing, self-touching self-enjoying, in fine, to all the means of self knowledge I could devise, in searchof the pleasure that fled before me, and tantalized with that unknownsomething that was out of my reach; thus all only served to enflamemyself, and to provoke violently my desires, whilst the one thingneedful to their satisfaction was not at hand, and I could have bit myfinger for representing it so ill. After then wearying and fatiguingmyself with grasping shadows, whilst that most sensible part of medisdained to content itself with less than realities, the strongyearnings, the urgent struggles of nature towards the melting relief, and the extreme self-agitations I had used to come at it, had weariedand thrown me into a kind of unquiet sleep: for, if I tossed and threwabout my limbs in proportion to the distraction of my dreams, as I hadreason to believe I did, a bystander could not have helped seeing allfor love. And one there was it seems; for waking out of my very shortslumber, I found my hand locked in that of a young man, who was. Kneeling at my bed-side, and begging my pardon for his boldness: butthat being a son to the lady to whom, this bed-chamber, he knew, belonged, he had slipped by the servant of the shop, as he supposed, unperceived, when finding me asleep, his first ideas were to withdraw;but that he had been fixed and detained there by a power he could betteraccount for, than resist. 

"What shall I say? my emotions of fear and surprise were instantlysubdued by those of the pleasure I bespoke in great presence of mindfrom the turn this adventure might take. He seemed to me no other than apitying angel, dropt out of the clouds: for he was young and perfectlyhandsome, which was more than even I had asked for, man, in general, being all that my utmost desires had pointed at. I thought then I couldnot put too much encouragement into my eyes and voice; I regretted noleading advances; no matter for his after-opinion of my forwardness, so it might bring him to the point of answering my pressing demands ofpresent case; it was not now with his thoughts but his actions that mybusiness immediately lay. I raised then my head, and told him, in a softtone, that tended to prescribe the same key to him, that his mamma wasgone out and would not return till late at night: which I thought nobad hint; but as it proved, I had nothing of a novice to deal with. Theimpressions I had made on him from the discoveries I had betrayed of myperson in the disordered motions of it, during his view of me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me, so fixed and charmingly preparedhim, that, had I known his dispositions, I had more to hope from hisviolence, than to fear from his respect; and even less than the extremetenderness which I threw into my voice and eyes, would have served toencourage him to make the most of the opportunity. Finding then that hiskisses, imprinted on my hand, were taken as tamely as he could wish, he rose to my lips; and glewing his to them, made me so faint withovercoming joy and pleasure, that I fell back, and he with me, incourse, on the bed, upon which I had, by insensibly shifting from theside to near the middle, invitingly, made room for him. He is now laindown by me, and the minutes being too precious to consume in ultimateceremony, or dalliance, my youth proceeds immediately to thoseextremities, which all my looks, humming and palpitations, had assuredhim he might attempt without the fear of a repulse: those rogues themen, read us admirably on these occasions. I lay then at length pantingfor the imminent attack, with wishes far beyond my fears, and for whichit was scarce possible for a girl, barely thirteen, but tall and wellgrown, to have better dispositions. He threw up my petticoat and shift, whilst my thighs were, by an instinct of nature, unfolded to their best;and my desires had so thoroughly destroyed all modesty in me, that eventheir being now naked and all laid open to him, was part of the preludethat pleasure deepened my blushes at, more than same. But when his hand, and touches, naturally attracted to their center, made me feel all theirwantonness and warmth in, and round it, oh! how immensely different asense of things, did I perceive there, than when under my own insipidhandling! And now his waistcoat was unbuttoned, and the confinementof the breeches burst through, when out started to view the amazing, pleasing object of all my wishes, all my dreams, all my love, the kingmember indeed! I gazed at, I devoured it, at length and breadth, withmy eyes intently directed to it, till his; getting upon me, and placingbetween my thighs, took from me the enjoyment of its sight, to give me afar more grateful one, in its touch, in that part where its touch is soexquisitely affecting. Applying it then to the minute opening, for suchat that age it certainly was, I met with too much good will, I felt withtoo great a rapture of pleasure the first insertion of it, to heed muchthe pain that followed: I thought nothing too dear to pay for this therichest treat of the sense; so that, split up, torn, bleeding, mangledI was still superiorly pleased, and hugged the author of all thisdelicious ruin. But when, soon after, he made his second attack, sore asevery thing was, the smart was soon put away by the sovereign cordial;all my soft complainings were silenced, and the pain melting fast awayinto pleasure. I abandoned myself over to all its transports, and gaveit the full possession of my whole body and soul; for now all thoughtwas at an end with me; I lived in what I felt only. And who coulddescribe those feelings, those agitations, yet exalted by the charm oftheir novelty and surprise? when that part of me which had so hungeredfor the dear morsel that now so delightfully crammed, forced all myvital sensations to fix their home there, during the stay of my belovedguest; who too soon paid me for his hearty welcome, in a dissolvent, richer far than that I have heard of some queen treating her paramourwith, in liquified pearl, and ravishingly poured into me, where, nowmyself too much melted to give it a dry reception, I hailed it with thewarmest confluence on my side, amidst all those ecstatic raptures, notunfamiliar I presume to this good company. Thus, however, I arrived atthe very top of all my wishes, by an accident unexpected indeed, butnot so wonderful; for this young gentleman was just arrived in town fromcollege, and came familiarly to his mother at her apartment, where hehad once before been, though, by mere chance. I had not seen him: sothat we knew one another by hearing only; and finding me stretched onhis mother's bed, he readily concluded from her description, who it was. The rest you know. 

"This affair had however no ruinous consequences, the young gentlemanescaping then, and many more times undiscovered. But the warmth of myconstitution, that made the pleasures of love a kind of necessary oflife to me, having betrayed me into indiscretions fatal to my privatefortune, I fell at length to the public; from which, it is probable, Imight have met with the worst of ruin, if my better fate had not thrownme into this safe and agreeable refuge. "

Here Louisa ended; and these little histories having brought the timefor the girls to retire, and to prepare for the revels of the evening, Istaid with Mrs. Cole, till Emily came, and told us the company was met, and waited for us. 

Mrs. Cole on this, taking me by the hand, with a smile of encouragement, led me up stairs, preceded by Louisa, who was come to hasten us, andlighted us with two candles, one in each hand. 

On the landing-place of the first pair of stairs, we were met by a younggentleman, extremely well dressed, and a very pretty figure, to whom Iwas to be indebted for the first essay of the pleasures of the house. He saluted me with great gallantry, and handed me into the drawing room, the floor of which was overspread with a Turkey carpet, and all itsfurniture voluptuously adapted to every demand of the most studiedluxury; now too it was, by means of a profuse illumination, enlivenedby a light scarce inferior, and perhaps more favourable to joy, moretenderly pleasing, than that of broad sunshine. 

On my entrance into the room, I had the satisfaction! to hear a buzz ofapprobation run through the whole company, which now consisted of fourgentlemen, including my particular (this was the cant term of thehouse for one's gallant for the time), the three young-women, in aneat flowing dishabille, the mistress of the academy, and myself. I waswelcomed and saluted by a kiss all round, in which, however, it was easyto-discover, in the superior warmth of that of the men, the distinctionof the sexes. 

Awed, and confounded as I was, at seeing myself surrounded, caressed, and made court to by so many strangers, I could not immediatelyfamiliarize myself to all that air of gaiety and joy, which dictatedtheir compliments, and animated their caresses. 

They assured me that I was so perfectly to their taste, as to have butone fault against me, which I might easily be cured of, and that wasmy modesty: this, they observed, might pass for a beauty the more withthose who wanted it for a heigh tener; but their maxim was, that it wasan impertinent mixture, and dashed the cup so as to spoil the sinceredraught of pleasure; they considered it accordingly as their mortalenemy, and gave it no quarter wherever they met with it. This was aprologue not unworthy of the revels that ensued. 

In the midst of all the frolic and wantonness, which this joyous bandhad presently, and all naturally, run into, an elegant supper was servedin, and we sat down to it, my spark elect placing himself next to me, and the other couples without order or ceremony. The delicate cheer andgood wine soon banished all reserve; the conversation grew as lively ascould be wished, without taking too loose a turn: these professors ofpleasure knew too well, how to stale impressions of it, or evaporatethe imagination of words, before the time of action. Kisses however weresnatched at times, or where a handkerchief round the neck interposedits feeble barrier, it was not extremely respected: the hands of the menwent to work with their usual petulance, till the provocation on bothsides rose to such a pitch, that my particulars's proposal for beginningthe country dances was received with instant assent: for, as helaughingly added, he fancied the instruments were in tune. This was asignal for preparation, that the complaisant Mrs. Cole, who understoodlife, took for her cue of disappearing; no longer so fit for personalservice herself, and content with having settled the order of battle, she left us the field, to fight it out at discretion. 

As soon as she was gone, the table was removed from the middle, andbecame a side-board; a couch was brought into its place, of which when Iwhisperingly inquired the reason, of my particular, he told me, "thatas it was chiefly on my account that his convention was met, the partiesintended at once to humour their taste of variety in pleasures, and byan open public enjoyment, to see me broke of any taint of reserve ormodesty, which they looked on as the poison of joy; that though theyoccasionally preached pleasure, and lived up to the text, they did notenthusiastically set up for missionaries, and only indulged themselvesin the delights of a practical instruction of all the pretty women theyliked well enough to bestow it upon, and who fell properly in the way ofit; but that as such a proposal might be too violent, too shocking for ayoung beginner, the old standers were to set an example, which he hopedI would not be averse to follow, since it was to him I was devolved infavour of the first experiment; but that still I was perfectly at myliberty to refuse the party, which being in its nature one of pleasure, supposed an exclusion of all force or constraint. "

My countenance expressed, no doubt, my surprise as my silence did myacquiescence. I was now embarked, and thoroughly determined on anyvoyage the company would take me on. 

The first that stood up, to open the ball, were a cornet of horse, andthat sweetest of olive-beauties, the soft and amorous Louisa. He led herto the couch (nothing loth), on which he gave her the fall, and extendedher at length with an air of roughness and vigour, relishing high ofamorous eagerness and impatience. The girl, spreading herself to thebest advantage, with her head upon the pillow, was so concentered inthat she was about, that our presence was the least of her care andconcern. Her petticoats, thrown up with her shift, discovered to thecompany the finest turned legs and thighs that could be imagined, andin broad display, that gave us a full view of that delicious cleft offlesh, into which the pleasing hair, grown mount over it, parted andpresented a most inviting entrance, between two close hedges, delicatelysoft and pouting. Her gallant was now ready, having disencumberedhimself from his clothes, overloaded with lace, and presently, his shirtremoved, shewed us his forces at high plight, bandied and ready foraction. But giving us no time to consider the dimensions, he threwhimself instantly over his charming antagonist who received him as hepushed at once dead at mark, like a heroine, without flinching; forsurely never was girl constitutionally truer to the taste of joy, orsincerer in the expressions of its sensations, than she was: wecould observe pleasure lighten in her eyes, as he introduced hisplenipotentiary instrument into her; till, at length, having indulgedher to its utmost reach, its irritations grew so violent, and gave herthe spurs so furiously, that collected within herself, and lost to everything but the enjoyment of her favourite feelings, she retarded histhrusts with a just concert of spring heaves, keeping time so exactlywith the most pathetic sighs, that one might have numbered the strokesin agitation by their distinct murmurs, whilst her active limbs keptwreathing and intertwisting with his, in convulsive folds: then theturtle-billing kisses, and the poignant painless lovebites, which theyboth exchanged, in a rage of delight, all conspiring towards themelting period. It soon came on, when Louisa, in the ravings of herpleasure-frensy, impotent of all restraint, cried out: "Oh Sir!. .. GoodSir! pray do not spare me! ah! ah!. .. " All her accents now faulteringinto heart-fetched sighs, she closed her eyes in the sweet death, inthe instant of which we could easily see the signs in the quiet, dying, languid posture of her late so furious driver, who was stopped of asudden, breathing short, panting, and, for that time, giving up thespirit of pleasure. As soon as he was dismounted, Louisa sprung up, shook her petticoats, and running up to me, gave me a kiss, and drew meto the side-board, to which she was herself handed by her gallant, wherethey made me pledge them in a glass of wine, and toast a droll health ofLouisa's proposal in high frolic. 

By this time the second couple was ready to enter the lists: which werea young baronet, and that delicatest of charmers, the winning, tenderHarriet. My gentle esquire came to acquaint me with it, and brought meback to the scene of action. 

And, surely, never did one of her profession accompany her dispositions, for the barefaced part she was engaged to play, with such a peculiargrace of sweetness, modesty and yielding coyness, as she did. All herair and motions breathed only unreserved, unlimited complaisance withoutthe least mixture of impudence, or prostitution. But what was yet moresurprising, her spark elect, in the midst of the dissolution of a publicopen enjoyment, doated on her to distraction, and had, by dint of loveand sentiments, touched her heart, though for a while the restraintof their engagement to the house laid him under a kind of necessity ofcomplying with an institution which himself had had the greatest shareestablishing. 

Harriet was then led to the vacant couch by her gallant, blushing asshe looked at me, and with eyes made to justify any thing, tenderlybespeaking of me the most favourable construction of the step she wasthus irresistibly drawn into. 

Her lover, for such he was, sat her down at the foot of the couch, andpassing his arm round her neck, preluded with a kiss fervently appliedto her lips, that visibly gave her life and spirit to go through withthe scene; and as he kissed, he gently inclined her head, till it fellback on a pillow disposed to receive it, and leaning himself down allthe way with her, at once countenanced and endeared her fall to her. There, as if he had guessed our wishes, or meant to gratify at once hispleasure and his pride, in being the master, by the title of presentpossession, of beauties delicate beyond imagination, he discovered herbreast to his own touch, and our common view; but oh! what deliciousmanual of love devotion; how inimitable fine moulded! small, round, firm, and excellently white; then the grain of their skin, so soothing, so flattering to the touch! and of beauty. When he had feasted his eyeswith the their nipples, that crowned them, the sweetest buds touch andperusal, feasted his lips with kisses of the highest relish, imprintedon those all delicious twin-orbs, he proceeded downwards. 

Her legs still kept the ground; and now, with the tenderest attentionnot to shock or alarm her too suddenly, he, by degrees, rather stolethan rolled up her petticoats; at which, as if a signal had been given, Louisa and Emily took hold of her legs, in pure wantonness, and, in easeto her, kept them stretched wide abroad. Then lay exposed, or, to speakmore properly, displayed the greatest parade in nature of female charms. The whole company, who, except myself, had often seen them, seemed asmuch dazzled, surprised and delighted, as any one could be who had nowbeheld them for the first time. Beauties so excessive could not butenjoy the privileges of eternal novelty. Her thighs were so exquisitelyfashioned, that either more in, or more out of flesh than they were, they would have declined from that point of perfection they presented. But what infinitely enriched and adorned them, was the sweetintersection formed, where they met, at the bottom of the smoothest, roundest, whitest belly, by that central furrow which nature had sunkthere, between the soft relievo of two pouting ridges, and which, inthis girl, was in perfect symmetry of delicacy and miniature with therest of her frame. No! nothing in nature could be of a beautifuller cut;then, the dark umbrage of the downy spring moss that over-arched it, bestowed, on the luxury of the landscape, a touching warmth, a tenderfinishing, beyond the expression of words, or even the paint of thought. 

Her truly enamoured gallant, who had stood absorbed and engrossed by thepleasure of the sight long enough to afford us time to feast ours (nofear of glutting!) addressed himself at length to the materials ofenjoyment, and lifting the linen veil that hung between us and hismaster member of the revels, exhibited one whose eminent size proclaimedthe owner a true woman's hero. He was, besides in every other respect, an accomplished gentleman, and in the bloom and vigour of youth. Standing then between Harriet's legs, which were supported by her twocompanions at their widest extension, with one hand he gently disclosedthe lips of that luscious mouth of nature, whilst with the other, hestooped his mighty machine to its lure, from the height of his stiffstand-up towards his belly; the lips, kept open by his fingers, receivedits broad shelving head of coral hue: and when he had nestled it in, hehovered there a little, and the girls then delivered over to his hipsthe agreeable office of supporting her thighs; and now, as if he meantto spin out his pleasure, and give it the more play for its life, hepassed up his instrument so slow that we lost sight of it inch by inch, till at length it was wholly taken into the soft laboratory of love, andthe mossy mounts of each fairly met together. In the mean time, we couldplainly mark the prodigious effect the progressions of this delightfulenergy wrought in this delicious girl, gradually heightening her beautyas they heightened her pleasure. Her countenance and whole frame grewmore animated; the faint blush of her cheeks, gaining ground on thewhite, deepened into a florid vivid vermillion glow, her naturallybrilliant eyes now sparkled with ten-fold lustre; her languor wasvanished, and she appeared quick, spirited and alive all over. He hadnow fixed, nailed, this tender creature, with his home-driven wedge, so that she lay passive by force, and unable to stir, till beginningto play a strain of arms against this vein of delicacy, as he urged theto-and-fro con-friction, he awakened, roused, and touched her so to theheart, that unable to contain herself, she could not but reply to hismotions, as briskly as her nicety of frame would admit of, till theraging stings of the pleasure rising towards the point, made her wildwith the intolerable sensations of it, and she now threw her legs andarms about at random, as she lay lost in the sweet transport; which onhis side declared itself by quicker, eager thrusts, convulsive gasps, burning sighs, swift laborious breathing, eyes darting humid fires: allfaithful tokens of the imminent approaches of the last gasp of joy. It came on at length: the baronet led the extasy, which she criticallyjoined in, as she felt the melting symptoms from him, in the nick ofwhich, gluing more ardently than ever his lips to hers, he shewed allthe signs of that agony of bliss being strong upon him, in which he gaveher the finishing titillation; inly thrilled with which, we saw plainlythat she answered it down with all effusion of spirit and matter she wasmistress of, whilst a general soft shudder ran through all her limbs, which she gave a stretch out, and lay motionless, breathless, dying withdear delight; and in the height of its expression, showing, through thenearly closed lids of her eyes, just the edges of their black, the restbeing rolled strongly upwards in their extasy; then her sweet mouthappeared languish-ingly open, with the tip of her tongue leaningnegligently towards the lower range of her white teeth, whilst naturalruby colour of her lips glowed with heightened life. Was not this asubject to dwell upon? And accordingly her lover still kept on her, withan abiding delectation, till compressed, squeezed and distilled to thelast drop, he took leave with one fervent kiss, expressing satisfieddesires, but unextinguished love. 

As soon as he was off, I ran to her, and sitting down on the couch byher, rais'd her head, which she declined gently, and hung on my bosom, to hide her blushes and confusion at what had passed, till by degreesshe re-composed herself, and accepted of a restorative glass of winefrom my spark, who had left me to fetch it to her, whilst her ownwas readjusting his affaire and buttoning up; after which he led her, leaning languish-ingly upon him, to oar stand of view round the couch. 

And now Emily's partner had taken her out for her share in the dance, when this transcendently fair and sweet tempered creature readily stoodup; and if a com-extreme pretty features, and that florid health andcomplexion to put the rose and lily out of countenance, extreme prettyfeatures, and that florid health and bloom for which the country girlsare so lovely, might pass her for a beauty, this she certainly was, andone of the most striking of the fair ones. 

Her gallant began first, as she stood, to disengage, her breasts, andrestore them to the liberty of nature, from the easy confinement of nomore than a pair of jumps; but on their coming out to view, we thoughta new light was added to the room, so superiourly shining was theirwhiteness; then they rose in so happy a swell as to compose her a wellhorned fullness of bosom, that had such an effect on the eye as to seemflash hardened into marble, of which it emulated the polished gloss, andfar surpassed even the whitest, in the life and lustre of itscolours, white weined with blue. Who could refrain from such provokingenticements in reach? he touched her breasts, first lightly, when theglossy smoothness of the skin eluded his hand, and made it slip alongthe surface; he pressed them, and the springy flesh that filled them, thus pitted by force, rose again reboundingly with his hand, and on theinstant defaced the pressure: and alike indeed was the consistenceof all those parts of her body throughout, where the fulness of fleshcompacts and constitutes all that fine firmness which the touch is sohighly attached to. When he had thus largely pleased himself with thisbranch of dalliance and delight, he trussed up her petticoat and shift, in a wisp to her waist, where being tucked in, she stood fairly nakedon every side; a blush at this overspread her lovely face, and her eyesdowncast to the ground, seemed to be for quarter, when she had so greata right to triumph in all the treasures of youth and beauty that she nowso victoriously displayed. Her legs were perfectly well shaped andher thighs, which she kept pretty close, shewed so white, so round, sosubstantial and abounding in firm flesh, that nothing could afford astronger recommendation to the luxury of the touch, which he accordinglydid not fail to indulge in. Then gently removing her hand, which in thefirst emotion of natural modesty, she had carried thither, he gaveus rather a glimpse than a view of that soft narrow chink runningits little length downwards, and hiding the remains of it between herthighs; but plain was to be seen the fringe of light-brown curls, inbeauteous growth over it, that with their silk gloss created a pleasingvariety from the surrounding white, whose lustre too, their gentleembrowning shade, considerably raised. Her spark then endeavoured, asshe stood, by disclosing her thighs, to gain us a completer sight ofthat central charm of attraction, but not obtaining it so convenientlyin that attitude, he led her to the foot of the couch, and bringingit to one of the pillows gently inclined her head down, so that as sheleaned with it over her crossed hands, straddling with her thighs widespread, and jutting her body out, she presented a full back view ofher person, naked to her waist. Her posteriors, plump, smooth, andprominent, formed luxuriant tracts of animated snow, that splendidlyfilled the eye, till it was commanded down the parting or separationof those exquisitely white cliffs, by their narrow vale, and was therestopt, and attracted by the embowered bottom-savity, that terminatedthis delightful vista and stood moderately gaping from the influence ofher bended posture, so that the agreeable interior red of the sides ofthe orifice came into view, and with respect to the white that dazzledround it, gave somewhat the idea of a pink slash in the glossiest whitesatin. Her gallant, who was a gentleman about thirty, somewhat inclinedto a fatness that was in no sort displeasing, improving the hint thustendered him of this mode of enjoyment, after setting her well in thisposture, and encouraging her with kisses and caresses to stand himthro', drew out his affair ready erected, and whose extreme length, rather disproportioned to its breadth, was the more surprising, as thatexcess is not often the case with those of his corpulent habit; makingthen the right and direct application, he drove it up to the guard, whilst the round bulge of those Turkish beauties of her's, tallyingwith the hollow made with the bent of his belly and thighs, as he curvedinwards, brought all those parts, surely not un-delightfully, into warmtouch, and close conjunction; his hands he kept passing round her body, and employed in toying with her enchanting breasts. As soon too as shefelt him at home as he could reach, she lifted her head a little fromthe pillow, and turning her neck, without much straining, but hercheeks glowing with the deepest scarlet, and a smile of the tenderestsatisfaction, met the kiss he pressed forward to give her as they werethus close joined together: when leaving him to pursue his delights, shehid again her face and blushes with her hands and pillow, and thus stoodpassively and as favourably too as she could, whilst he kept laying ather with repeated thrusts and making the meeting flesh on both sidesresound again with the violence of them; then ever as he backened fromher, we could see between them part of his long white staff foamingly inmotion, till, as he went on again and closed with her, the interposinghillocks took it out of sight. Sometimes he took his hands from thesemi-globes of her bosom, and transferred the pressure of them tothose large ones, the present subjects of his soft blockade, which hesqueezed, grasped and played with, till at length in pursuit of driving, so hotly urged, brought on the height of the fit, with such overpoweringpleasure, that his fair partner became now necessary to support him, panting, fainting and dying as he discharged; which she no sooner feltthe killing sweetness of, than unable to keep her legs, and yielding tothe mighty intoxication, she reeld, and falling forward on the couch, made it a necessity for him, if he would preserve the warm-pleasurehold, to fall upon her, where they perfected, in a continued conjunctionof body and extatic flow, their scheme of joys for that time. 

As soon as he had disengaged, the charming Emily got up, and we crowdedround her with congratulations and other officious little services; forit is to be noted, that though all modesty and reserve were banishedfrom the transaction of these pleasures, good manners and politenesswere inviolably observed: there was no gross ribaldry, no offensiveor rude behaviour, or ungenerous reproaches to the girls for theircompliance With the humours and desires of the men. On the contrary, nothing was wanting to soothe, encourage, and soften the sense of theircondition to them. Men know not in general how much they destroy oftheir own pleasure, when they break through the respect and tendernessdue to our sex, and even to those of it who live only by pleasingthem. And this was a maxim perfectly well understood by these politevoluptuaries, these profound adepts in the great art and science ofpleasure, who never shewed these votaries of theirs a more tenderrespect than at the time of those exercises of their complaisance, whenthey unlocked their treasures of concealed beauty, and shewed out in thepride of their native charms, ever more touching surely than when theyparade it in the artificial ones of dress and ornament. 

The frolic was now come round to me, and it being my turn ofsubscription to the will and pleasure of my particular elect, as wellas to that of the company, he came to me, and saluting me very tenderly, with a flattering eagerness, put me in mind of the compliances mypresence there authorized the hopes of, and at the same time repeated tome, "that if all this force of example had not surmounted any repugnanceI might have to concur with the humours and desires of the company, thatthough the play was bespoke for my benefit, and great as his own privatedisappointment might be, he would suffer any thing, sooner than be theinstrument of imposing a disagreeable task. "

To this I answered, without the least hesitation, or mincing grimace, "that had I not even contracted a kind of engagement to be at hisdisposal without the least reserve, the example of such agreeablecompanions would alone determine me, and that I was in no pain about anything but my appearing to so great a disadvantage after such superiorbeauties. " And take notice that I thought, as I spoke. The franknessof the answer pleased them all; my particular was complimented on hisacquisition, and, by way of indirect flattery to me, openly envied me. 

Mrs. Cole, by the way, could not have given me a greater mark of herregard than in managing for me the choice of this young gentleman formy master of the ceremonies: for, independent of his noble birth and thegreat fortune he was heir to, his person was even uncommonly pleasing, well shaped and tall; his face marked with the small-pox, but no morethan what added a grace of more manliness to features rather turned tosoftness and delicacy, was marvellously enlivened by eyes which were ofthe clearest sparkling black; in short he was one whom any woman would, in the familiar style, ready call a very pretty fellow. 

I was now handed by him to the cockpit of our match, where, as I wasdressed in nothing but a white morning gown, he vouchsafed to play themale Abigail on this occasion, and spared me the confusion that wouldhave attended the forwardness of undressing myself: my gown then wasloosen'd in a trice, and I divested of it; my stays next offered anobstacle which readily gave way, Louisa very readily furnished a pair ofscissors to cut the lace; off went that shell and dropping my uppercoat, I was reduced to my under one and my shift, the open bosom of which gavethe hands and eyes all the liberty they could wish. Here I imagined thestripping was to stop, but I reckon short; my spark, at the desire ofthe rest, tenderly begged, that I would not suffer the small remains ofa covering to rob them of a full view of my whole person; and for me, who was too flexibly obsequious to dispute any point with them, and whoconsidered the little more that remained as very immaterial, I readilyassented to whatever he pleased-In an instant, then, my under petticoatwas untied and at my feet, and my shift drawn over my head, so that mycap, slightly fastened, came off with it, and brought all my hair down(of which, be it again remembered without vanity, that I had a very finehead) in loose disorderly ringlets, over my neck and shoulders, to theno unfavourable set-off of my skin. 

I now stood before my judges in all the truth of nature, to whom I couldnot appear a very disagreeable figure, if you please to recollect whatI have beforesaid of my person, which time, that at certain periods oflife robs use every instant of our charms, had, at that of mine, thengreatly improved into full and open, bloom, for I wanted some monthsof eighteen. My breasts, which in the state of nudity are ever capitalpoints, now in no more than in graceful plenitude, maintained a firmnessand steady independence of any stay or support, that dared and invitedthe test of the touch. Then I was as tall, as slim-shaped as couldbe consistent with all that juicy plumpness of flesh, ever the mostgrateful to the senses of sight and touch, which I owed to thehealth and youth of my constitution. I had not, however, so thoroughlyrenounced all innate shame, as not to suffer great confusion at thestate I saw myself in; but the whole troop round me, men and women, relieved me with every mark of applause and satisfaction, evenflattering attention to raise and inspire me with even sentimentsof pride on the figure I made, which my friend gallantly protested, infinitely outshone all other birthday finery whatever; so that had Ileave to set down, for sincere, all the compliments these connoisseursoverwhelmed me with upon this occasion, I might flatter myself withhaving passed my examination with the approbation of the learned. 

My friend, however, who for this time had alone the disposal of me, humoured their curiosity, and perhaps his own, so far, that he placed mein all the variety of postures and lights imaginable, pointing outevery beauty under every aspect of it, not without such parentheses, of kisses, such inflammatory liberties of his roving hands, as made allshame fly before them, and a blushing glow give place to a warmer oneof desire, which led me even to find some relish in the present scene. 

But in this general survey, you may be sure, the most material spot ofme was not excused the strictest visitation; nor was it but agreed, thatI had not the least reason to be diffident of passing even for a maid, on occasion; so inconsiderable a flaw had my preceding adventurescreated there, and so soon had the blemish of an over-stretch beenrepaired and worn out at any age, and in my naturally small make in thatpart. 

Now, whether my partner had exhausted all the modes of regaling thetouch or sight, or whether he was now ungovernably wound up to strike, Iknow not; but briskly throwing off his clothes, the prodigious heatbred by a close room, a great fire, numerous candles, and even theinflammatory warmth of these scenes, induced him to lay aside his shirttoo, when his breeches, before loosened, now gave up their contentsto view, and shew'd in front the enemy I had to engage with, stifflybearing up the port of its head imhooded, and glowing red. Then Iplainly saw what I had to trust to: it was one of those just true-sizedinstruments, of which the masters have a better command than the moreunwieldy, inordinate sized one are generally under. Straining me thenclose to his bosom, as he stood up foreright against me, and applying tothe obvious niche its peculiar idol, he aimed at inserting it, which, as I forwardly favoured, he effected at once, by canting up my thighsover his naked hips, and made me receive every inch, and close home;so-that stuck upon the pleasure-pivot, add clinging round his neck, inwhich and in his hair I hid my face, burn-ingly flushing with presentfeeling as much as with shame, my bosom glued to him; he carried me onceround the couch, on which he then, without quitting the middle-fastness, or dischannelling, laid me down, and began with pleasure-grist. But soprovokingly predisposed and primed as we were, by all the moving sightsof the night, our imagination was too much heated not to melt us of thesoonest; and accordingly I no sooner felt the warm spray darted up myinwards-, from him, but I was punctually on flow, to share the momentaryextasy; but I had yet greater reason to boast of our harmony: forfinding that all the flames of desire were not yet quenched withinme, but that rather, like wetted coals, I glowed the fiercer for thissprinkling, my hot-mettled spark, sympathizing with me, and loaded for adouble fire, recontinued the sweet battery with undying vigour; greatlyencouraged to accommodate all my motions to his best advantage anddelight; kisses, squeezes, tender murmurs, all came into play, till ourjoys growing more turbulent and riotous, threw us into a fond disorder, and as they raged to a point, bore us far from our selves into anocean of boundless pleasures, into which we both plunged together in atransport of taste. Now all the impressions of burning desire, fromthe lively scenes I had been spectatress of, ripened the heat of thisexercise, and collecting to a head, throbbed and agitated me withinsupportable irritations: I perfectly fevered and maddened with theirexcess. I bid not now enjoy a calm of reason enough to perceive, butI extatically, indeed, felt the power of such rare and exquisiteprovocatives, as the examples of the night had proved towards thusexalting our pleasures: which, with great joy. I sensibly found mygallant shared in, by his nervous and home expressions of it: his eyesflashing eloquent flames, his action infuriated with the stings of it, all conspiring to raise my delight, by assuring me of his. Lifted thento the utmost pitch of joy that human life can bear, undestroyed byexcess, I touched that sweetly critical point, whence scarce preventedby the injection from my partner, I dissolved, and breaking out into adeep drawn sigh, sent my whole sensitive soul down to that passage whereescape was denied it, by its being so deliciously plugged and choked up. Thus we lay a few blissful instants, overpowered, still, and languid;till, as the sense of pleasure stagnated, we recovered from our trance, and he slipt out of me, not however before he had protested his extremesatisfaction by the tenderest kiss and embrace, as well as by the mostcordial expressions. 

The company, who had stood round us in a profound silence, when all wasover, helped me to hurry on my clothes in an instant, and complimentedme on the sincere homage they could not escape observing had been doneas they termed it--to the sovereignty of my charms, in my receiving adouble payment of tribute at one juncture. But my partner, now dressedagain, signalized, above all, a fondness unbated by the circumstance ofrecent enjoyment; the girls too kissed and embraced me, assuring methat for that time, or indeed any other, unless I pleased, I was togo through no farther public trials, and that I was now consummatedlyinitiated, and one of them. 

As it was an inviolable law for every gallant to keep to his partner, for the night especially, and even till he relinquished possession overto the community, in order to preserve a pleasing property, and to avoidthe disgusts and indelicacy of another arrangement, the company, aftera short refection of biscuits and wine, tea and chocolate, served in atnow about one in the morning, broke up, and went off in pairs. Mrs. Colehad prepared my spark and me an occasion field-bed, to which we retired, and there ended the night in one continued strain of pleasure, sprightlyand uncloyed enough for us not to have formed one wish for its everknowing an end. In the morning, after a restorative breakfast in bed, he got up, and with very tender assurance of a particular regard for me, left me to the composure and refreshment of a sweet slumber; waking outof which, and getting up to dress before Mrs. Cole should come in, Ifound in one of my pockets a purse of guineas, which he had slipt there;and just as I was musing on a liberality I had certainly not expected, Mrs. Cole came in, to whom I immediately communicated the present, andnaturally offered her whatever share she pleased: but assuring me thatthe gentleman had very nobly rewarded her, she would on no terms, noentreaties, no shape I could put it in, receive any part of it. Herdenial, she observed, was no affectation of grimace, and proceeded toread me such admirable lessons on the economy of my person and my purse, as I became amply paid for my general attention and conformity to inthe course of my acquaintance with the town. After which, changing thediscourse, she fell on the pleasures of the preceding night, where Ilearned, without much surprise, as I began to enter on her character, that she had seen every thing that had passed, from a convenient placemanaged solely for that purpose, and of which she readily made me theconfidante. 

She had scarce finished this, when the little troop of love girls, mycompanions, broke in, and renewed their compliments and caresses. . Iobserved with pleasure, that the fatigues and exercises of the nighthad not usurped in the least on the life of their complexion, or thefreshness of their bloom: this I found, by their confession, was owingto the management and advice of our rare directress. They went down thento figure it, as usual, in the shop; whilst I repaired to my lodging, where I employed myself till I returned to dinner at Mrs. Cole's. 

Here I staid in constant amusement, with one or other of these charminggirls, till about five in the evening; when seized with a sudden drowsyfit, I was prevailed on to go up and doze it off on Harriet's bed, wholeft me on it to my repose. There then I laid down in my clothes, andfell fast asleep, and had now enjoyed, by guess, about an hour's rest, when I was pleasingly disturbed by my new and favourite gallant, who, enquiring for me, was readily directed where to find me. Coming theninto my chamber, and seeing me lie alone, with my face turned from thelight towards the inside of the bed, he, without more ado, just slippedoff his breeches, for the greater ease and enjoyment of the nakedtouch; and softly turning up my petticoats and shift behind, opened theprospect of the back avenue to the genial seat of pleasure; where, as Ilay at my side length, inclining rather face downward, I appeared fullfair, and liable to be entered. Laying himself gently down by me, heinvested me behind, and giving me to feel the warmth of his body, ashe applied his thighs and belly close to me, and the endeavours of thatmachine, whose touch has something so exquisitely singular in it, tomake its way good into me. I awaked pretty much startled at first, atseeing who it was, disposed myself to turn to him, when he gave me akiss, and desiring me to keep my posture, just lifted up my upper thigh, and ascertaining the right opening, soon drove it up to the farthest:satisfied with which, and solacing himself with lying so close in thoseparts, he suspended motion, and thus steeped in pleasure, kept me lyingon my side, into him, spoon-fashion, as he termed it, from the snugindent of the back part of my thighs, and all upwards, into the spaceof the bending between his thighs and belly; till, after some time, that restless and turbulent inmate, impatient by nature of longer quiet, urged him to action, which now prosecuting with all the usual train oftoying, kissing, and the like, ended at length in the liquid proof onboth sides, that we had not exhausted, or at less were quickly recruitedof last night's draughts of pleasure in us. 

With this noble and agreeable youth lived I in perfect joy andconstancy. He was full bent on keeping me to himself, for thehoney-month at least; but his stay in London was not even so long, hisfather, who had a post in Ireland, taking him abruptly with him, onhis repairing thither. Yet even then I was near keeping hold of hisaffection and person, as he had proposed, and I had consented to followhim in order to go to Ireland after him, as soon as he could be settledthere; but meeting with an agreeable and advantageous match in thatkingdom, he chose the wiser part, and forebore sending for me, butat the same time took care that I should receive a very magnificentpresent, which did not however compensate for all my deep regret on myloss of him. 

This event also created a chasm in our little society, which Mrs. Cole, on the foot of her usual caution, was in no haste to fill up; but thenit redoubled her attention to procure me, in the advantages of a trafficfor a counterfeit maidenhead, some consolation for the sort of widowhoodI had been left in; and this was a scheme she had never lost prospectof, and only waited for a proper person to bring it to bear with. 

But I was, it seems, fated to be my own caterer in this, as I had beenin my first trial of the market. 

I had now passed near a month in the enjoyment of all the pleasures offamiliarity and society with my companions, whose particular favourites(the baronet excepted, who soon after took Harriet home) had all, on theterms of community established in the house, solicited the gratificationof their taste for variety in my embraces; but I had with the utmost artand address, on various pretexts, eluded their pursuit, without givingthem cause to complain; and this reserve I used neither out of dislikeof them, nor disgust of the thing, but my true reason was my attachmentto my own, and my tenderness of invading the choice of my companions, who outwardly exempt, as they seemed, from jealousy, could not but insecret like me the better for the regard I had for, without making amerit of it to them. Thus easy, and beloved by the whole family, did Iget on; when one day, that, about five in the afternoon, I stepped overto a fruit shop in Covent Garden, to pick some table fruit for myselfand the young women, I met with the following adventure. 

Whilst I was chaffering for the fruit I wanted, I observed myselffollowed by a young gentleman, whose rich dress first attracted mynotice; for the rest, he had nothing remarkable in his person, exceptthat he was pale, thin-made, and ventured himself upon legs rather ofthe slenderest. Easy was it to perceive, without seeming to perceiveit, that it was me he wanted to be at; and keeping his eyes fixed onme, till he came to the same basket that I stood at, and cheapening, orrather giving the first price asked for the fruit, began his approaches. Now most certainly I was not at all out of figure to pass for a modestgirl. I had neither the feathers, nor fumet of a taudry town-miss: astraw hat, a white gown, clean linen, and above all, a certain naturaland easy air of modesty (which the appearances of never forsook me, evenon those occasions that I most brouke in upon it, in practice) were allsigns that gave him no opening to conjecture my condition. He spoke tome; and this address from a stranger throwing a blush into my cheeks, that still set him wider of the truth, I answered him, with anawkwardness and confusion the more apt to impose, as there really wasa mixture of the genuine in them. But when proceeding, on the foot ofhaving broken the ice, to join discourse, he went into other leadingquestions, I put so much innocence, simplicity, and even childishness, into my answers, that on no better foundation, liking my person as hedid, I will not answer for it, he would have been sworn for my modesty. There is, in short, in the men, when once they are caught, by the eyeespecially, a fund of cullibility that their lordly wisdom little dreamsof, and in virtue of which the most sagacious of them are seen so oftenour dupes. Amongst other queries he put to me, one was, whether I wasmarried? I replied, that I was too young to think of that this many ayear. To that of my age, I answered, and sunk a year upon him, passingmyself for not above seventeen. As to my way of life, I told him I hadserved an apprenticeship to a milliner in Preston, and was come to townafter a relation, that I had found, on my arrival, was dead, and nowlived journey-woman to a milliner in town. That last article, indeed, was not much of the side of what I pretended to pass for; but it didpass, under favour of the growing passion I had inspired him with. Afterhe had next got out of me, very dexterously as he thought, what I had nosort of design to make reserve of, my own, my mistress's name, and placeof abode, he loaded me with fruit, all the rarest and dearest he couldpick out and sent me home, pondering on what might be the consequence ofthis adventure. 

As soon then as I came to Mrs. Cole's, I related to her all that passed, on which she very judiciously concluded, that if he did not come afterme there was no harm done, and that, if he did, as her presage suggestedto her he would, his character and his views should be well sifted, soas to know whether the game was worth the springes; that in the meantime nothing was easier than my part in it, since no more rested on methan to follow her cue and promptership throughout, till the last act. 

The next morning, after an evening spent on his side, as we afterwardslearnt, in perquisitions into Mrs. Cole's character in the neighbourhood(than which nothing could be more favourable to her designs upon him), my gentleman came in his chariot to the shop, where Mrs. Cole alonehad an inkling of his errand. Asking then for her, he easily made abeginning of acquaintance by bespeaking some millinery ware; when, as Isat without lifting my eyes, and pursuing the hem of a ruffle with theutmost composure and simplicity of industry, Mrs. Cole took notice, thatthe first impressions I made on him ran no risk of being destroyed bythose of Louisa and Emily, who were then sitting at work by me. Aftervainly endeavouring to catch my eyes in rencounter with him (I held myhead down, affecting a kind of consciousness of guilt for having, byspeaking to him given him encouragement and means of following me), andafter giving Mrs. Cole direction when to bring the things home herself, and the time he should expect them, he went out, taking with himsome goods, that he paid for liberally, for the better grace of hisintroduction. 

The girls all this time did not in the least smoak the mystery of thisnew customer; but Mrs. Cole, as soon as we were conveniently alone, insured me, in virtue of her long experience in these matters, "thatfor this bout my charms had not missed fire; for by his eagerness, hismanner and looks, she was sure he had it: the only point now in doubtwas his character and circumstances, which her knowledge of the townwould soon gain her the sufficient acquaintance with, to take measureupon. "

And effectively, in a few hours, her intelligence served her so well, that she learned that this conquest of mine was no other than Mr. Norbert, a gentleman originally of great fortune, which, with aconstitution naturally not the best, he had vastly impaired by hisover-violent pursuit of the vices of the town; in the course of which, having worn out and staled all the more common modes of debauchery, hehad fallen into a taste of maiden-hunting; in which chase he had ruineda number of girls, sparing no expense to compass his ends, and generallyusing them well till tired, or cooled by enjoying, or springing a newface, he could with more ease disembarrass himself of the old ones, andresign them to their fate, as his sphere of achievements of that sortlay only amongst such as he could proceed with by way of bargain andsale. 

Concluding from these premises, Mrs. Cole observed, that a character ofthis sort was ever a lawful prize; that the sin would be, not to makethe best of our market of him; and that she thought such a girl as Ionly too good for him at any rate, and on any terms. 

She went then, at the hour appointed, to his lodgings in one of our innsof court, which were furnished in a taste of grandeur that had a specialeye to all the conveniences of luxury and pleasure. Here she found himin ready waiting; and after finishing her business of pretence, and along conduit of discussions concerning her trade, which she said wasvery bad, the qualities of her servants, apprentices, journey-women, the discourse naturally landed at length on me, when Mrs. Cole, actingadmirably the good old prating gossip, who lets every thing escape herwhen her tongue is set in motion, cooked him up a story so plausibleof me, throwing in every now and then such strokes of art, with all thesimplest air of nature, in praise of my person and temper, as finishedhim finely for her purpose, whilst nothing could be better counterfeitedthan her innocence of his. But when now fired and on edge, he proceededto drop hints of his design and views upon me, after he had with muchconfusion and pains brought her to the point (she kept as long alooffrom it as she thought proper) of understanding him, without nowaffecting to pass for a dragoness of virtue, by flying out into thoseviolent and ever suspicious passions, she stuck with the better graceand effect to the character of a plain, good sort of woman, that knewno harm, and that getting her bread in an honest way, was made of stuffeasy and flexible enough to be wrought to his ends, by his superiorskill and address; but, however, she managed so artfully that three orfour meetings took place, before he could obtain the least favourablehope of her assistance; without which, he had, by a number of fruitlessmessages, letters, and other direct trials of my disposition, convincedhimself there was no coming at me, all which too raised at once mycharacter and price with him. 

Regardful, however, of not carrying these difficulties to such alength as might afford time for starting discoveries, or incidents, unfavourable to her plan, she at last pretended to be won over by meredint of entreaties, promises, and, above all, by the dazzling sum shetook care to wind him up to the specification of, when it was now even apiece of art to feign, at once, a yielding to the allurements of a greatinterest, as a pretext for her yielding at all, and the manner of itsuch as might persuade him she had never dipped her virtuous fingers inan affair of that sort. 

Thus she led him through all the gradations of difficulty, andobstacles, necessary to enhance the value of the prize he aimed at; andin conclusion, he was so struck with the little beauty I was mistressof, and so eagerly bent on gaining his ends of me, that he left her noroom to boast of her management in bringing him up to her mark, he droveso plump of himself into every thing tending to make him swallow thebait. Not but, in other respects, Mr. Norbert was not clear sightedenough, or that he did not perfectly know the town, and even byexperience, the very branch of imposition now in practice upon him: butwe had his passion our friend so much, he was so blinded and hurried onby it, that he would have thought any undeception a very ill office doneto his pleasure. Thus concurring, even precipitately, to the point shewanted him at, Mrs. Cole brought him at last to hug himself on the cheapbargain he considered the purchase of my imaginary jewel was to him, at no more than three hundred guineas to myself, and a hundred to thebrokers: being a slender recompense for all her pains, and all thescruples of conscience she had now sacrificed to him for this first timeof her life; which sums were to be paid down on the nail, upon deliveryof my person, exclusive of some no inconsiderable presents that had beenmade in the course of the negociation: during which I had occasionally, but sparingly been introduced into his company, at proper times andhours; in which it is incredible how little it seemed necessary tostrain my natural disposition to modesty higher, in order to pass itupon him for that a very maid: all my looks and gestures ever breathingnothing but that innocence which the men so ardently require in us, forno other end than to feast themselves with the pleasure of destroyingit, and which they are so grievously, with all their skill, subject tomistakes in. 

When the articles of the treaty had been fully agreed on, the stipulatedpayments duly secured, and nothing now remained but the execution of themain point, which centered in the surrender of my person up to his freedisposal and use, Mrs. Cole managed her objections, especially to hislodgings, and insinuations so nicely, that it became his own mere notionand urgent request, that this copy of a wedding should be finished ather house: "At first, indeed, she did not care, not she, to have suchdoings in it. .. She would not for a thousand pounds have any of theservants or apprentices know it. .. Her precious good name would be gonefor ever. .. , " with the like excuses. However, on superior objections toall other expedients, whilst she took care to start none but those whichwere most liable to them it came round at last to the necessity of herobliging' him in that conveniency, and of doing a little more where shehad already done so much. 

The night then was fixed, with all possible respect to the eagernessof his impatience, and in the mean time Mrs. Cole had omitted noinstructions, nor even neglected any preparation, that might enable meto come off with honour, in regard to the appearance of my virginity, except that, favoured as I was by nature with all the narrownessof stricture in that part requisite to conduct my designs, I had nooccasion to borrow those auxiliaries of art that create a momentaryone, easily discovered by the test of a warm bath; and as to the usualsanguinary symptoms of defloration, which, if not always, are generallyattendants on it, Mrs. Cole had made me the mistress of an invention ofher own, which could hardly miss its effect, and of which more in itsplace. 

Every thing then being disposed and fixed for Mr. Norbert's reception, he was, at the hour of eleven at night, with all the mysteries ofsilence and secrecy, let in by Mrs. Cole herself, and introduced intoher bedchamber, where, in an old-fashioned bed of her's, I lay, fullyundressed, and panting, if not with the fears of a real maid, at leastwith those perhaps greater of a dissembled one which gave me an air ofconfusion and bashfulness that maiden-modesty had all the honour of, and was indeed scarce distinguishable from it, even by less partial eyesthan those of my lover: so let me call him, for I ever thought the term"cully" too cruel a reproach to the men, for their abused weakness forus. 

As soon as Mrs. Cole, after the old gossipery, on these occasions, usedto young women abandoned for the first time to the will of man, hadleft us alone in her room, which, by the bye was well lighted up, athis previous desire, that seemed to bode a stricter examination thanhe afterwards made, Mr. Norbert, still dressed, sprung towards the bed, where I got my head under the clothes, and defended them a good whilebefore he could even get at my lips, to kiss them: so true it is, that afalse virtue, on this occasion, even makes & greater rout and resistancethan a true one. From thence he descended to my breasts, the feel Idisputed tooth and nail with him till tired with my resistance, andthinking probable to give a better account to me, he hurried his clothesoff in an instant, and came into bed. 

Mean while by the glimpse I stole of him, I could easily discover aperson far from promising any such doughty performances as the stormingof maidenheads generally requires, and whose flimsy consumptivetexture gave him more the air of an invalid that was pressed, than of avolunteer, on such hot service. 

At scarce thirty he had already reduced his strength of appetite downto a wretched dependance on forced provocatives, very little secondedby the natural power of a body jaded, and racked off to the less byconstant repeated over draughts of pleasure, which had done the work ofsixty winters on his springs of live: leaving him at the same time allthe fire and head of youth in his imagination, which served at once totorment and spur him down the precipice. 

As soon as he was in bed, he threw off the bedclothes, which I sufferedhim to force from my hold, and I now lay as exposed as he could wish, not only to his attacks, but his visitation of the sheets; where in thevarious agitations of the body, through my endeavours to defend myself, he could easily assure himself there was no preparation, though, to dohim justice, he seemed a less strict examinant than I had apprehendedfrom so experienced a practitioner. My shift then he fairly tore open, finding I made too much use of it to barricade my breasts, as well asthe more important avenue: yet in every thing else he proceeded with allthe marks of tenderness and regard to me, whilst the art of my play wasto shew none for him, I acted them all the niceties, apprehensions, andterrors, supposable for a girl perfectly innocent to feel, at so greata novelty as a naked man in bed with her for the first time. He scarceeven obtained a kiss but what he ravished; I put his hand away twentytimes from my breasts, where he had satisfied himself of their hardnessand consistence, with passing for hitherto unhandled goods. But whengrown impatient upon the main point, he now threw himself upon me, and first trying to examine me with his finger, sought to make himselffurther way, I complained of his usage bitterly: "I thought he wouldnot have served a body so. .. I was ruined. .. I did not know what I haddone. .. , I would get up, so I would. .. ;" and at the same time kept mythighs so fast locked, that it was not for strength like his to forcethem open, or do any good. Finding thus my advantages, and that I hadboth my own and his motions at command, the deceiving him came so easy, that it was perfectly playing upon velvet. In the mean time his machine, which was one of those sizes that slip in and out without being minded, kept pretty stiffly bearing against that part, which the shutting mythighs barred access to; but finding, at length he could do no good bymere dint of bodily strength, he resorted to entreaties and arguments:to which I only answered, with a tone of shame and timidity, "that Iwas afraid he would kill me. .. Lord!. .. , would not be served so. .. I wasnever so used in all my born days. .. , I wondered he was not ashamed ofhimself, so I did. .. , " with such silly infantine moods of repulseand complaint as I judged best adapted to express the character ofinnocence, and affright. Pretending, however, to yield at length to thevehemence of his insistence, in action and words, I sparing disclosed mythighs, so that he could just touch the cloven inlet with the tip of hisinstrument: but as he fatigued and toiled to get in, a twist of my body, so as to receive it obliquely, not only thwarted his admission, butgiving a scream, as if he had pierced me to the heart, I shook him offme, with such violence that he could not with all his might to it, keepthe saddle: vexed indeed at this he seemed, but not in the style ofdispleasure with me for my skittishness; on the contrary, I dare swearhe held me the dearer, and hugged himself for the difficulties that evenhurt his instant pleasure. Fired, however, now beyond all bearance ofdelay, he remounts, and begged of me to have patience, stroking andsoothing me to it by all the tenderest endearments and protestationsof what he would moreover do for me; at which, feigning to be somewhatsoftened, and abating of the anger that I had shewn at his hurting me soprodigiously, I suffered him to lay my thighs aside, and make way for anew trial; but I watched the directions and management of his point sowell, that no sooner was the orifice in the least open to it, but Igave such a timely jerk as seemed to proceed not from the evasion of hisentry, but from the pain his efforts at it put me to: a circumstance toothat I did not fail to accompany with proper gestures, sighs and criesof complaint, of which, "that he had hurt me. .. He killed me. .. I shoulddie. .. , " were the most frequent interjections. But now, after repeatedattempts, in which he had not made the least impression towards gaininghis point, at least for that time, the pleasure rose so fast upon him, that he could not check or delay it, and in the vigour and furywhich the approaches of the height of it inspired him, he made onefierce-thrust, that had almost put me by my guard, and lodged it so farthat I could feel the warm inspersion just within the exterior orifice, which I had the cruelty not to let him finish there, but threw him outagain, not without a most piercing loud exclamation, as if the pain hadput me beyond all regard of being overheard. It was then easy to observethat he was more satisfied, more highly pleased with the supposedmotives of his baulk of consummation, than he would have-been at thefull attainment of it. It was on this foot that I solved to myself allthe falsity I employed to procure him that blissful pleasure in it, which most certainly he would not have tasted in the truth of things. Eased, however, and relieved by one discharge, he now applied himselfto sooth, encourage, and to put me into humour and patience to bear hisnext attempt, which he began to prepare and gather force for, fromall the incentives of the touch and sight which he could think of, byexamining every individual part of my whole body, which he declaredhis satisfaction with, in raptures of applause, kisses universallyimprinted, and sparing no part of me, in all the eagerest wantonnessof feeling, seeing, and toying. His vigour, however, did not return sosoon, and I felt him more than once pushing at the door, but so littlein a condition to break in, that I question whether he had the powerto enter, had I held it ever so open; but this he then thought me toolittle acquainted with the nature of things, to have any regret orconfusion about, and he-kept fatiguing himself and me for a long time, before he was in any state to resume his attacks with any prospect ofsuccess and then I breathed him so warmly, and kept him so at bay, thatbefore he had made any sensible progress in point of penetration, he wasdeliciously sweated, and wearied out indeed: so that it was deep inthe morning before he achieved his second let-go, about half way ofentrance, I all the while crying and complaining of his prodigiousvigour, and the immensity of what I appeared to suffer splittingup with. Tired, however, at length, with such athletic drudgery, mychampion began now to give out, and to gladly embrace the refreshment ofsome rest. Kissing me then with much affection, and recommending me tomy repose, he presently fell fast asleep, which, as soon as I had wellsatisfied myself of, I with much composure of body, so as not to wakehim by any motion, with much ease and safety too, played of Mrs. Cole'sdevice for perfecting the signs of my virginity. In each of the headbed-posts, just above where the bedsteads are inserted into them, there was a small drawer, so artfully adapted to the mouldings of thetimber-work, that it might have escaped even the most curious search:which drawers were easily opened or shut by the touch of a spring, andwere fitted each with a shallow glass tumbler, full of a prepared fluidblood, in which lay soaked, for ready use, a sponge, that required nomore than gently reaching the hand to it, taking it out and properlysqueezing between the thighs, when it yelded a great deal more of thered liquid than would save a girl's honour; after which, replacingit, and touching the spring, all possibility of discovery, or even ofsuspicion, was taken away; and this was not the work of the fourth partof a minute, and of which ever side one lay, the thing was equally easyand practicable, by the double care taken to have each bed-post providedalike. True it is, that had he waked and caught me in the act, it wouldat least have covered me with shame and confusion; but them, that he didnot, was, with the precautions I took, a risk of a thousand to one in myfavour. 

At ease now, and out of all fear of any doubt or suspicion on his side, I addressed myself in good earnest to my repose, but could obtain none;and in about half an hour's time my gentleman waked again, and turningtowards me, I feigned a sound sleep, which he did not long respect; butgirding himself again to renew the onset, he began to kiss and caressme, when now making as if I just waked, I complained of the disturbance, and of the cruel pain that this little rest had stole my senses from. Eager, however, for the pleasure, as well of consummating an entiretriumph over my virginity, he said every thing that could overcome myresistance, and bribe my patience to the end, which now I was ready tolisten to, from being secure of the bloody proofs I had prepared of hisvictorious violence, though I still thought it good policy not to lethim in yet a while. I answered then only to his importunities in sighsand moans, "that I was so hurt, I could not bear it. .. I was sure hehad done me a mischief; that he had. .. He was such a bad man!" At this, turning down the clothes, and viewing the field of battle by the glimmerof a dying taper, he saw plainly my thighs, shift, and sheet, allstained with what he readily took for a virgin effusion, proceeding fromhis last half penetration: convinced, and transported at which, nothingcould equal his joy and exultation. The illusion was complete, no otherconception entered his head, but that of his having been at work upon anunopened mine; which idea, upon so strong an evidence, redoubled at oncehis tenderness for me, and his ardour for breaking it wholly up. Kissingme then with the utmost rapture, he comforted me, and begged my pardonfor the pain he had put me to: observing withal, that it was only athing in course; but the worst was certainly past, and that with alittle courage and constancy, I should get it once well over, and neverafter experience any thing but the greatest pleasure. By little andlittle I suffered myself to be prevailed on, and giving, as it were, upto the point of him, I made my thighs, insensibly spreading them, yieldhim liberty of access, which improving, he got a little within me, whenby a well managed reception I worked the female screw so nicely, that Ikept him from the easy mid-channel direction, and by dexterous wreathingand contortions, creating an artificial difficulty of entrance, made himwin it inch by inch, with the most laborious struggles, I all the whilesorely complaining: till at length, with might and main, winding his wayin, he got it completely home, and giving my virginity, as he thought, the coup le grace, furnished me with the cue of setting up a terribleoutcry, whilst he, triumphant and like a cock clapping his wings overhis down-trod mistress, pursued his pleasure: which presently rose, invirtue of this idea of a complete victory, to a pitch that made mesoon sensible of his melting period; whilst I now lay acting the deepwounded, breathless, frightened, undone, no longer maid. 

You would ask me, perhaps, whether all this time I enjoyed anyperception of pleasure? I assure you, little or none, till just towardsthe latter end, a faintish sense of it came on mechanically, from solong a struggle and frequent fret in that ever sensible part; but, in the first place, I had no taste for the person I was suffering theembraces of, on a pure mercenary account; and then, I was not entirelydelighted with myself for the jade's part I was playing, whateverexcuses I might plead for my being brought into it; but then thisinsensibility kept me so much the mistress of my mind and motions, thatI could the better manage so close a counterfeit, through the wholescene of deception. 

Recovered at length to a more shew of life, by his tender condolences, kisses and embraces, I upbraided him, and reproached him with my ruin, in such natural terms, as added to his satisfaction with himself, forhaving accomplished it; and guessing, by certain observations of mine, that it would be rather favourable to him, to spare him, when he sometime after, feebly enough, came on again to the assault, I resolutelywithstood any further endeavours, on a pretext that flattered hisprowess, of my being so violently hurt and sore, that I could notpossibly endure a fresh trial. He then graciously granted me a respite, and the next morning soon after advancing, I got rid of furtherimportunity, till Mrs. Cole, being rung for by him, came in and was madeacquainted, in terms of the utmost joy and rapture, with his triumphantcertainty of my virtue, and the finishing stroke he had given it, in thecourse of the night: of which, he added, she would see proof enough inbloody characters, on the sheets. 

You may guess how a woman of her turn of address and experience humouredthe jest, and played him off with mixed exclamations of shame, danger, compassion for me, and of her being pleased that all was so well over:in which last, I believe, she was certainly sincere. And now, as theobjection which she had represented as an invincible one, to me lyingthe first night at his lodgings (which were studiously calculated forfreedom of intrigues), on the account of my maiden fears and terrors, atthe thought of going to a gentleman's chambers, and being alone with himin bed, was surmounted, she pretended to persuade me, in favour to him, that I should go there to him, whenever he pleased, and still keep upall the necessary appearances of working with her, that I might notlose, with my character, the prospect of getting a good husband, andat the same time her house would be kept safer from scandal. All thisseemed so reasonable, so considerate to Mr. Norbert, that he never onceperceived that she did not want him to resort to her house, lest hemight in time discover certain inconsistencies with the character shehad set out with to him: besides that this plan greatly flattered hisown ease, and views of liberty. 

Leaving me then to my much wanted rest, he got up, and Mrs. Cole, aftersettling with him all points relating to me, got him undiscovered outof the house. After which, as I was awake, she came in, and gave medue praises for my success. Behaving too with her usual moderation anddisinterestedness, she refused any share of the sum I had thus earned, and put me into such a secure and easy way of disposing of my affairs, which now amounted to a kind of little fortune, that a child of tenyears old might have kept the account and property of them safe in itshands. 

I was now restored again to my former state of a kept mistress, and usedpunctually to wait on Mr. Norbert at his chambers whenever he sent amessenger for me, which I constantly took care to be in the way of, andmanaged with so much caution, that he never once penetrated the natureof my connections with Mrs. Cole; but indolently given up to ease andthe town dissipations, the perpetual hurry of them hindered him fromlooking into his own affairs, much less to mine. 

In the mean time, if I may judge from my own experience, none are betterpaid, or better treated, during their reign, than the mistress of thosewho, enervate by nature, debaucheries, or age, have the least employmentfor the sex: sensible that a woman must be satisfied some way, theyply her with a thousand little tender attentions, presents, caresses, confidences, and exhaust their inventions in means and devices to makeup for the capital deficiency; and even towards lessening that, whatarts, what modes, what refinements of pleasure have they not recourseto, to raise their languid powers, and press nature into the service oftheir sensuality? But here is their misfortune, that when by a course ofteasing, worrying, handling, wanton postures, lascivious motions, theyhave at length accomplished a flashy enervate enjoyment, they at thesame time light up a flame in the object of their passion, that, nothaving the means themselves to quench, drives her for relief into thenext person's arms, who can finish their work; and thus they becomebawds to some favourite, tried and approved of, for a more vigorous andsatisfactory execution; for with women, of our turn especially, howeverwell our hearts may be disposed, there is a controlling part, orqueen-seat in us, that governs itself by its own maxims of state, amongst which not one is stronger, in practice with it, than, in thematter of is dues, never to accept the will for the deed. 

Mr. Norbert, who was much in this ungracious case, though he professedto like me extremely, could but seldom consummate the main-joy itselfwith me, without such a length and variety of preparations, as were atonce wearisome and inflammatory. 

Sometimes he would strip me stark naked on a carpet, by a good fire, when he would contemplate me almost by the hour, disposing me in all thefigures and attitudes of body that it was susceptible of being viewed in;kissing me in every part, the most secret and critical one so farfrom excepted that it received most of that branch of homage. Thenhis touches were so exquisitely wanton, so luxuriously diffusedand penetrative at times, that he had made me perfectly rage withtitillating fires, when, after all, and much ado, he had gained ashort-lived erection, he would perhaps melt it away in a washy sweat, ora premature abortive effusion, that provokingly mocked my eager desires:or, if carried home, how faultered and unnervous the execution! howinsufficient the sprinkle of a few heat-drops to extinguish all theflames he had kindled!

One evening, I cannot help remembering, that returning home from him, with a spirit he had raised in a circle his wand had proved too weakto lay, as I turned the corner of a street, I was overtaken by a youngsailor, I was then in that spruce, neat, plain dress, which Iever affected and perhaps might have, in my trip, a certain air ofrestlessness unknown to the composure of cooler thoughts. However, heseized me as a prize, and without farther ceremony threw his arms roundmy neck, and kissed me boisterously and sweetly. I looked at him with abeginning of anger and indignation at his rudeness, that softened awayinto other sentiments as I viewed him: for he was tall, manly carriaged, handsome of body and face, so that I ended my stare, with asking him, in a tone turned to tenderness, what he meant; at which, with the samefrankness and vivacity as he had begun with me, he proposed treating mewith a glass of wine. Now, certain it is, that had I been in a calmerstate of blood than I was, had I not been under the dominion ofunappeased irritation; but I do not know how it was, my pressing calls, his figure, the occasion, and if you will, the powerful combination ofall these, with a start of curiosity to see the end of an adventure, sonovel too as being treated like a common street-plyer, made me givea silent consent; in short, it was not my head that I now obeyed, Isuffered myself to be towed along as it were by this man-of-war, who took me under his arm as familialry as if he had known me all hislifetime, and led me into the next convenient tavern, where we wereshown into a little room on one side of the passage. Here, scarceallowing himself patient till the drawer brought in the wine calledfor, he fell directly on board me: when, untucking my handkerchief, andgiving me a snatching buss, he laid my breasts bare at once, which hehandled with that keenness of gust that abridges a ceremonial evermoretiresome than pleasing on such pressing occasions; and now, hurryingtowards the main point, we found no conveniency to our purpose, twoor three disabled chairs, and a rickety table, composing the wholefurniture of the room. Without more ado, he plans me with my backstanding against the wall, and my petticoats up; and coming out witha splitter indeed, made it shine, as he brandished it, in my eyes; andgoing to work with an impetuosity and eagerness, bred very likely bya long fast at seat, went to give me a taste of it. I straddled, Ihumoured my posture, and did my best in short to buckle to it; I tookpart of it in, but still things did not go to his thorough liking;changing them in a trice his system of battery, he leads me to the tableand with a master-hand lays my head down on the edge of it, and, withthe other canting up my petticoats and shift, bares my naked posteriorsto his blind and furious guide; it forces its way between them, and Ifeeling pretty sensibly that it was not going by the right door, andknocking desperately at the wrong one, I told him of it:--"Pooh!" sayshe, "my dear, any port in a storm. " Altering, however, directly hiscourse, and lowering his point, he fixed it right, and driving it upwith a delicious stiffness, made all foam again, and gave me the toutwith such fire and spirit, that in the fine disposition I was in when Isubmitted to him and stirred up so fiercely as I was, I got the start ofhim, and went away into the melting swoon, and squeezing him, whilst inthe convulsive grasp of it, drew from him such a plenteous bedewal, aspointed to my own effusion, perfectly floated those parts, and drownedin a deluge all my raging conflagration of desire. 

When this was over, how to make my retreat was my concern; for, thoughI had been so extremely pleased with the difficult between this warmbroadside, poured so briskly into me, and the tiresome pawing and toyingto which I had owed the unappeased flames that had driven me into thisstep, now I was cooler, I began to apprehend the danger of contractingan acquaintance with this, however agreeable stranger; who, on his side, spoke of passing the evening with me and continuing our intimacy, withan air of determination that made me afraid of its being not so easyto get away from him as I could wish. In the mean time I carefullyconcealed my uneasiness, and readily pretended to consent to stay withhim, telling him I should only step to my lodgings to leave a necessarydirection, and then instantly return. This he very glibly swallowed, onthe notion of my being one of those unhappy street-errants, who devotethemselves to the pleasure of the first ruffian that will stoop to pickthem up, and of course, that I would scarce bilk myself of the hire, by not returning make the most of the job. Thus he parted with me, notbefore, however, he had ordered in my hearing a supper, which I had thebarbarity to disappoint him of my company too. 

But when I got home, and told Mrs. Cole my adventure, she representedso strongly to me the nature and dangerous consequences of my folly, particularly the risks to my health, in being so openlegged and free, that I not only took resolutions never to venture so rashly again, which I inviolably preserved, but passed a good many days in continualuneasiness, lest I should have met with other reasons, besides thepleasure of that rencounter, to remember it; but these fears wronged mypretty sailor, for which I gladly make him this reparation. 

I had now lived with Mr. Norbert near a quarter of a year, in whichspace I circulated my time very pleasantly, between my amusements atMrs. Cole's, and a proper attendance on that gentleman, who paid meprofusely for the unlimited complaisance with which I passively humouredevery caprice of pleasure, and which had won upon him so greatly, thatfinding, as he said, all that variety in me alone, which he had soughtfor in a number of women, I had made him lose his taste for inconstancy, and new faces. But what was yet at least agreeable, as well as morenattering, the love I had inspired him with, bred a deference to me, that was of great service to his health: for having by degrees, and withmuch pathetic representations brought him to some husbandry of it, andto insure the duration of his pleasures by moderating their use, andcorrecting those excesses in them he was so addicted to, and which hadshattered his constitution and destroyed his powers of life in the verypoint for which he seemed desirous to live, he was grown more delicate, more temperate, and in course more healthy; his gratitude for which wastaking a turn very favourable for my fortune, when once more the capriceof it dashed the cup from my lips. 

His sister, lady L. .. , for whom he had a great affection, desiring himto accompany her down to Bath for her health, he could not refuse hersuch a favour; and accordingly, though he counted on staying away fromme no more than a week at farthest, he took his leave of me with anominous heaviness of heart, and left me a sum far above the state ofhis fortune, and very inconsistent with the intended shortness of hisjourney; but it ended in the longest that can be, and is never but oncetaken: for, arrived at Bath, he was not there two days before he fellinto a debauch of drinking with some gentlemen, that threw him into ahigh fever, and carried him off in four days' time, never once out ofa delirium. Had he been in his senses to make a will, perhaps he mighthave made favourable mention of me in it. Thus, however, I lost him; andas no condition of life is more subject to revolutions than that ofa woman of pleasure, I soon recovered my cheerfulness, and now beheldmyself once more struck off the list of kept mistresses, and returnedinto the bosom of the community, from which I had been in some mannertaken. 

Mrs. Cole still continued her friendship, and offered me her assistanceand advice towards another choice; but I was now in ease and affluenceenough to look about me at leisure; and as to any constitutional callsof pleasure, their pressure, or sensibility, was greatly lessened by aconsciousness of the east with which they were to be satisfied at Mrs. Cole's house, where Louisa and Emily still continued in the old way; andmy great favourite Harriet used often to come and see me, and entertainme, with her head and heart full of the happiness she enjoyed withher dear baronet, whom she loved with a tenderness and constancy, even though he was her keeper, and what is yet more, had made herindependent, by a handsome provision for her and hers. I was then inthis vacancy from any regular employ of my person in my way of business, when one day, Mrs. Cole, in the course of the constant confidence welived in, acquainted me that there was one Mr. Barville, who used herhouse, just come to town, whom she was not a little perplexed aboutproviding a suitable companion for; which was indeed a point ofdifficulty, as he was under the tyranny of a cruel taste: that of anardent desire, not only of being unmercifully whipped himself, but ofwhipping others, in such sort, that though he paid extravagantly thosewho had the courage and complaisance to submit to his humour, therewere few, delicate as he was in the choice of his subjects, who wouldexchange turns with him so terribly at the expense of their skin. But, what yet increased the oddity of this strange fancy was the gentlemanbeing young; whereas it generally attacks, it seems, such as are, through age, obliged to have recourse to this experiment, for quickeningthe circulation of their sluggish juices, and determining a conflux ofthe spirits of pleasure towards those flagging shrivelly parts, thatrise to life only by virtue of those titillating ardours created bythe discipline of their opposites, with which they have so surprising aconsent. 

This Mrs. Cole could not well acquaint me with, in any expectation ofmy offering for service: for, sufficiently easy as I was in mycircumstances, it must have been the temptation of an immense interestindeed, that could have induced me to embrace such a job, neither had Iever expressed, nor indeed, felt the least impulse or curiosity to knowmore of a taste, that promised so much more pain than pleasure to thosethat stood in no need of such violent goads: what then should move meto subscribe myself voluntarily to a party of pain, foreknowing it such?Why, to tell the plain truth, it was a sudden caprice, a gust of fancyfor trying a new experiment, mixed with the vanity of approving mypersonal courage to Mrs. Cole, that determined me, at all risks, to propose myself to her and relieve her from any farther lookout. Accordingly, I at once pleased and surprised her, with a frank andunreserved tender of my person to her and her friend's absolute disposalon this occasion. 

My good temporal mother was, however, so kind as to use all thearguments she could imagine to dissuade me: but, as I found they onlyturned on a motive of tenderness to me, I persisted in my resolution, and thereby acquitted my offer of any suspicion of its not having beensincerely made, or out of compliment only. Acquiescing then thankfullyin it, Mrs. Cole assured me "that bating the pain I should be put to, she had no scruple to engage me to this party, which she assured me Ishould be liberally paid for, and which, the secrecy of the transactionpreserved safe from the ridicule that otherwise vulgarly attended it;that for her part, she considered pleasure, of one sort or other, as theuniversal port of destination, and every wind that blew thither a goodone, provided it blew nobody any harm; that she rather compassionated, than blamed those unhappy persons, who are under a subjection theycannot shake off, to those arbitrary tastes that rule their appetitesof pleasures with an unaccountable control: tastes too, as infinitelydiversified, as superior to, and independent of all reasoning as thedifferent relishes or palates of mankind in their viands, somedelicate stomach nauseating plain meats, and finding no savour but inhighseasoned, luxurious dishes, whilst others again pique themselvesupon detesting them. "

I stood now in no need of this preamble of encouragement, orjustification: my word was given, and I was determined to fulfill myengagements. Accordingly the night was set, and I had all the necessaryprevious instructions how to act and conduct myself. The dining room wasduly prepared and lighted up, and the young; gentleman posted there inwaiting, for my introduction to him. 

I was then, by Mrs. Cole, brought in, and presented to him, in a loosedishabille fitted, by her direction, to the exercise I was to gothrough, all in the finest linen and a thorough white uniform:gown, petticoat, stocking, and satin slippers, like a victim led tosacrifice; whilst my dark auburn hair, falling in drop-curls over myneck, created a pleasing distinction of colour from the rest of mydress. 

As soon as Mr. Barville saw me, he got up, with a visible air ofpleasure and surprise, and saluting me, asked Mrs. Cole, if so fineand delicate a creature would voluntarily submit to such sufferingsand rigours, as were the subject of his assignation. She answered himproperly, and now, reading in his eyes that she could not too soon leaveus together, she went out, after recommending to him to use moderationwith so tender a novice. 

But whilst she was employing his attention, mine had been taken up withexamining the figure and person of this unhappy young gentleman, who wasthus unaccountably condemned to have his pleasure lashed into him, asboys have their learning. 

He was exceedingly fair, and, smooth complexioned, and appeared to me nomore than twenty at most, though he was three years older than whatmy conjectures gave him; but then he owed this favourable mistake toa habit of fatness, which spread through a short, squab stature; anda round, plump, fresh coloured face gave him greatly the look ofa Bacchus, had not an air of austerity, not to say sternness, veryunsuitable even to his shape of face, dashed that character of joy, necessary to complete the resemblance. His dress was extremely neat, butplain, and far inferior to the ample fortune he was in full possessionof; this too was a taste in him, and not avarice. 

As soon as Mrs. Cole was gone, he seated me near him, when now his facechanged upon me, into an expression of the most pleasing sweetness andgood humour, the most remarkable for its sudden shift from the otherextreme, which I found afterwards, when I knew more of his character, was owing to a habitual state of conflict with, and dislike ofhimself, for being enslaved to so peculiar a lust, by the fatality of aconstitutional ascendant, that rendered him incapable of receiving anypleasure, till he submitted to these extraordinary means of procuringit at the hands of pain, whilst the constancy of this repiningconsciousness stamped at length that cast of sourness and severity onhis features: which was, in fact, very foreign to the natural sweetnessof his temper. 

After a competent preparation by apologies, and encouragement to gothrough my part with spirit and constancy, he stood up near the fire, whilst I went to fetch the instruments of discipline out of a closethard by: these were several rods, made each of two or three strong twigsof birch tied together, which he took, handled, and viewed with as muchpleasure, as I did with a kind of shuddering presage. 

Next we took from the side of the room a long broad bench, made easy tolie at length on by a soft cushion in a callico-cover; and everythingbeing now ready, he took his coat and waistcoat off; and at his motionand desire, I unbuttoned his breeches, and rolling up his shirt ratherabove his waist, tucked it on securely there; when directing naturallymy eyes to that humoursone master-movement, in whose favaur all thesedispositions were making, it seemed almost shrunk into his body, scarceshowing its tip above the sprout of hairy curls that clothed thoseparts, as you may have-seen a wren peeping its head out of the grass. 

Stooping them to untie his garters, he gave them to me for the useof tying him down to the legs of the bench: a circumstance no farthernecessary than, as I suppose, it made part of the humour of the thing, since he prescribed it to himself, amongst the rest of the ceremonial. 

I led him then to the bench, and according to my cue, played at forcinghim to lie down: which, after-some little show of reluctance, forform-sake, he submitted to; he was straightway extended flat upon his:belly, on the bench, with a pillow under his face; and as he thus tamelylay, I tied him slightly hand and feet, to the legs of it; which done, his shirt remaining-trussed up over the small of his back, I drew hisbreeches quite down to his knees; and now he lay, in all the fairest, broadest display of that part of the back-view; in which a pair ofchubby, smooth-cheeked and passing white posteriors rose cushioningupwards from two stout, fleshful thighs, and ending their cleft, orseparation by an union at the small of the back, presented a bold mark, that swelled, as it were, to meet the scourge. 

Seizing now one of the rods, I stood over him, and according to hisdirection, gave him in one breath, ten lashes with much good-will, andthe utmost nerve and vigour of arm that I could put to them, so as tomake those fleshy orbs quiver again under them; whilst he himself seemedno more concerned, or to mind them, than a lobster would a flea-bite. Inthe mean time, I view intently the effect of them, which to me at lastappeared surprisingly cruel: every lash had skimmed the surface of thosewhite cliffs, which they deeply reddened, and lapping round the sideof the furthermost from me, cut specially, into the dimple of it, suchlivid weals, as the blood either spun out from, or stood in large dropson; and, from some of the cuts, I picked out even the splinters of therod that had stuck in the skin. Nor was this raw work to be wonderedat, considering the greenness of the twigs and the severity of theinfliction, whilst the whole surface of the skin was so smooth-stretchedover the hard and firm pulp of flesh that filled it, as to yield noplay, or elusive swagging under the stroke: which thereby took place themore plump, and cut into the quick. 

I was however already so moved at the piteous sight, that I from myheart repented the undertaking, and would willing had given over, thinking he had full enough; but, he encouraging and beseeching meearnestly to proceed, I gave him ten more lashes; and then resting, surveyed the increase of bloody appearances. And at length, steeled tothe height, by his stoutness in suffering, I continued the discipline, by intervals, till I observed him wreathing and twisting his body, ina way that I could plainly perceive was not the effect of pain, but ofsome new and powerful sensation: curious to dive into the meaning ofwhich, in one of my pauses of intermission, I approached, as he stillkept working, and grinding his belly against the cushion under him: andfirst stroking the untouched and unhurt side of the flesh-mount next me, then softly insinuating my hand under his thigh, felt the posture thingswere in forwards, which was indeed surprising: for that machine of him, which I had, by its appearance, taken for an impalpable, or at least avery diminutive subject, was now, in virtue of all that smart andhavoc of his skin behind, grown not only to a prodigious stiffness oferection, but to a size that frighted even me: a non-pareil thicknessindeed! the head of it alone filled the utmost capacity of my grasp. And when, as he heaved and wriggled to and fro, in the agitation of hisstrange pleasure, it came into view, it had something of the air of around fillet of veal, and like its owner, squab, and short in proportionto its breadth; but when he felt my hand there, he begged I would go onbriskly with my jerking, or he should never arrive at the last stage ofpleasure. 

Resuming then the rode and the exercise of it, I had fairly worn outthree bundles, when, after an increase of struggles and motion, and adeep sigh or two, I saw him lie still and motionless; and now he desiredme to desist, which I instantly did; and proceeding to untie him, Icould not but be amazed at his passive fortitude, on viewing the skin ofhis butchered, mangled posteriors, late so white, smooth and polished, now all one side of them a confused cut-work of weals, livid flesh, gashes and gore, insomuch that when he stood up, he could scarce walk;in short, he was in sweet-briars. 

Then I plainly perceived, on the cushion, the marks of a plenteouseffusion, and already had his sluggard member run up to its oldnestling-place, and enforced itself again, as if ashamed to shew itshead; which nothing, it seems, could raise but stripes inflicted on itsopposite neighbours, who were thus constantly obliged to suffer for hiscaprice. 

My gentleman had now put on his clothes and recomposed himself, whengiving me a kiss, and placing me by him, he sat himself down as gingerlyas possible, with one side off the cushion, which was too sore for himto bear resting any part of his weight on. 

Here he thanked me for the extreme pleasure I had procured him, andseeing, perhaps, some marks in my countenance of terror and apprehensionof retaliation on my own skin, for what I had been the instrument ofhis suffering in his, he assured me, "he was ready to give up to me anyengagement I might deem myself under to stand him, as he had done me, but that if I proceeding in my consent to it, he would consider thedifference of my sex, its greater delicacy and incapacity to undergopain. " Reheartened at which, and piqued in honour, as I thought, notto flinch so near the trial, especially as I well knew Mrs. Cole was aneye-witness, from her stand of espial, to the whole of our transaction, I was now less afraid of my skin, than of his not furnishing me with anopportunity of signalizing my resolution. 

Consonant to this disposition was my answer, but my courage was stillmore in my head, than in my heart; and as cowards rush into danger theyfear, in order to be the sooner rid of the pain of that sensation, Iwas entirely pleased with his hastening matters into execution. 

He had then little to do, but to unloose the strings of my petticoats, and lift them, together with my shift, navel-high, where he just tuckedthem up loosely, and might be slipt up higher at pleasure. Then viewingme round with great seeming delight, he laid me at length on my faceupon the bench, and when I expected he would tie me, as I had done him, and held out my hands, not without fear and a little trembling, hetold me, "he would by no means terrify me unnecessarily with such aconfinement; for that though he meant to put my constancy to a trial, the standing it was to be completely voluntary on my side, and thereforeI might be at full liberty to get up whenever I found the pain too muchfor me. " You cannot imagine how much I thought myself bound, by beingthus allowed to remain loose, and how much spirit this confidence inme gave me, so that I was even from my heart careless how much my fleshmight suffer in honour of it. 

All my back parts, naked half way up, were now fully at his mercy: andfirst, he stood at a convenient distance, delighting himself with agloating survey of the attitude I lay in, and of all the secret stores Ithus exposed to him in fair display. Then, springing eagerly towards me, he covered all those naked parts with a fond profusion of kisses;and now, taking hold of the rod, rather wantoned with me, in gentleinflictions on those tender trembling masses of my flesh behind, than inany way hurt them, till by degrees, he began to tingle them with smarterlashes, so as to provoke a red colour into them, which I knew, aswell by the flagrant glow I felt there, as by his telling me, they nowemulated the native roses of my other cheeks. When he had thus amusedhimself with admiring, and toying with them, he went on to strikeharder, and more hard, so that I needed all my patience not to cry out, or complain at least. At last, he twigged me so smartly as to fetchblood in more than one lash: at sight of which he flung down the rod, flew to me, kissed away the starting drops, and sucking the wounds easeda good deal of my pain. But now raising me on my knees, and making mekneel with them straddling wide, that tender part of me, naturally theprovince of pleasure, not of pain, came in for its share of suffering:for now, eyeing it wistfully, he directed the rod so that the sharp endsof the twigs lighted there, so sensibly, that I could not help wincing, and writhing my limbs with smart; so that my contortions of body mustnecessarily throw it into infinite variety of postures and points ofview, fit to feast the luxury of the eye. But still I bore every thingwithout crying out: when presently giving me another pause, he rushed, as it were, on that part whose lips, and round about, had felt thiscruelty, and by way of reparation, glued his own to them; then heopened, shut, squeezed them, plucked softly the overgrowing moss, andall this in a style of wild passionate rapture and enthusiasm, thatexpressed excess of pleasure; till betaking himself to the rod again, encouraged by my passiveness, and infuriated with this strange taste ofdelight, he made my poor posteriors pay for the ungovernableness of it;for now showing them no quarter, the traitor cut me so, that I wantedbut little of fainting away, when he gave over. And yet I did not utterone groan, or angry expostulation; but in my heart I resolved nothing soseriously, as never to expose myself again to the like severities. 

You may guess then in what a curious pickle those soft flesh-cushions ofmine were, all so red, raw, and in fine, terribly clawed off; but so farfrom feeling any pleasure in it, that the recent smart made me pouta little, and not with the greatest air of satisfaction receive thecompliments, and after-caresses of the author of my pain. 

As soon as my clothes were huddled on in a little decency, a supper wasbrought in by the discreet Mrs. Cole herself, which might have piquedthe sensuality of a cardinal, accompanied with a choice of the richestwines: all which she set before us, and went out again, without having, by a word or even by a smile, given us the least interruption orconfusion, in those moments of secrecy, that we were not yet ripe to theadmission of a third too. 

I sat down then, still scarce in charity with my butcher, for such Icould not help considering him, and was moreover not a little piquedat the gay, satisfied air of his countenance, which I thought myselfinsulted by. But when the now necessary refreshment to me of a glass ofwine, and a little eating (all the time observing a profound silence)had somewhat cheered and restored me to spirits, and as the smart beganto go off, my good humour returned accordingly: which alteration notescaping him, he said and did every thing that could confirm me in, andindeed exalt it. 

But scarce was supper well over, before a change so incredible waswrought in me, such violent, yet pleasingly irksome sensations tookpossession of me that I scarce knew how to contain myself; the smartof the lashes was now converted into such a prickly heat, such fierytinglings, as made me sigh, squeeze my thighs together, shift andwriggle about my seat, with a furious restlessness; whilst these itchingardours, thus excited in those parts on which the storm of disciplinehad principally fallen, detached legions of burning, subtile, stimulating spirits, to their opposite spot and centre of assemblage, where their titillation raged so furiously, that I was even stingingmade with them. No wonder then that in such a taking, and devoured byflames that licked up all modesty and reserve, my eyes, now chargedbrimful of the most intense desire, fired on my companion veryintelligible signal of distress: my companion, I say, who grew in themevery instant more amiable, and more necessary to my urgent wishes andhopes of immediate ease. 

Mr. Barville, no stranger, by experience, to these situations, soon knewthe pass I was brought to soon perceived my extreme disorder; in favourof which, removing the table out of the way, he began a prelude thatflattered me with instant relief, to which I was not, however, so nearas I imagined: for as he was unbuttoned to me, and tried to provoke androuse to action his unactive torpid machine, he blushingly owned that nogood was to be expected from it, unless I took it in hand to re-exciteits languid loitering powers, by just refreshing the smart of the yetrecent blood-raw cuts, seeing it could, no more than a boy's top, keepup without lashing. Sensible then that I should work as much for my ownprofit as his, I hurried my compliance with his desire, and abridgingthe ceremonial, whilst he leaned his head against the back of a chair, Ihad scarce gently made him feel the lash, before I saw the object of mywishes give signs of life, and presently, as it were with a magic touch, is started up into a noble size and distinction indeed. Hastening thento give me the benefit of it, he threw me down on the bench; but suchwas the refreshed soreness of those parts behind, on my leaning so hardon them, as became me to compass the admission of that stupendous headof his machine, that I could not possibly bear it. I got up then, andtried, by leaning forwards, and turning the crupper on my assailant, tolet him at the back avenue: but here it was likewise impossible to standhis bearing so fiercely against me, in his agitations and endeavours toenter that way, whilst his belly battered directly against the recentsore. What should we do now? both intolerably heated: both in a fury;but pleasure is ever inventive for its own ends: he strips me in a tricestark naked, and placing a broad settee-cushion on the carpet before thefire, oversets me gently, topsy turvy, on it; and handling me onlyat the waist, whilst you may be sure I favoured all my dispositions, brought my legs round his neck; so that my head was kept from the flooronly by my hands and the velvet cushion, which was now bespread withmy flowing hair: thus I stood on my head and hands, supported by him insuch manner, that whilst my thighs clung round him, so as to exposeto his sight all my back figure, including the theatre of his bloodypleasure, the centre of my fore pair fairly bearded the ob-jest of itsrage, that now stood in fine condition to give me satisfaction for theinjuries of its neighbours. But as this posture was certainly not theeasiest, and our imaginations, wound up to the height, could suffer nodelay, he first, with the utmost eagerness and effort, just lip-lodgedthat broad acorn-fashioned head of his instrument; and still befriendedby the fury with which he had made that impression, he soon stuffedin the rest; when now, with a pursuit of thrusts, fiercely urged, heabsolutely overpowered and absorbed all sense of pain and uneasiness, whether from my wounds behind, my most untoward posture, or the oversizeof his stretcher, in an infinitely predominant delight; when now allmy whole spirits of life and sensation rushing, impetuously tothe cock-pit, where the prize of pleasure was hotly in dispute andclustering to a point there, I soon received the dear relief of naturefrom these over-violent strains and provocations of it; harmonizing withwhich, my gallant spouted into me such a potent overflow of the balsamicinjection, as softened and unedged all those irritating stings of a newspecies of titillation, which I had been so intolerably maddened with, and restored the ferment of my senses to some degree of composure. 

I had now achieved this rare adventure ultimately much more to mysatisfaction than I had bespoken the nature of it to turn out; norwas it much lessened, you may think, by spark's lavish praises of myconstancy and complaisance, which he gave weight to by a present thatgreatly surpassed my utmost expectation, besides his gratification toMrs. Cole. 

I was not, however, at any time re-enticed to renew with him, or resortagain to the violent expedient of lashing nature into more haste thangood speed: which, by the way, I conceive acts somewhat in the mannerof a dose of Spanish flies; with more pain perhaps, but less danger;and might be necessary to him, but was nothing less so than to me, whoseappetite wanted the bridle more than the spur. 

Mrs. Cole, to whom this adventurous exploit had more and more endearedme, looked on me now as a girl after her own heart, afraid of nothing, and, on a good account, hardly enough to fight all the weapons ofpleasure through. Attentive then, in consequence of these favourableconceptions, to promote either my profit or pleasure, she had specialregard for the first, in a new gallant of a very singular turn, that sheprocured for and introduced to me. 

This was a grave staid, solemn, elderly gentleman, whose peculiar humourwas a delight in combing fine tresses of hair; and as I was perfectlyheaded to his taste, he used to come constantly at my toilet hours, whenI let down my hair as loose as nature, and abandoned it to him to dowhat he pleased with it; and accordingly he would keep me an hour ormore in play with it, drawing the comb through it, winding the curlsround his fingers, even kissing it as he smoothed it; and all this ledto no other use of my person, or any other liberties whatever, any morethan if a distinction of sexes had not existed. 

Another peculiarity of taste he had, which was to present me with adozen pairs of the whitest kid gloves at a time: these he would diverthimself with drawing on me, and then biting off their finger ends;all which fooleries of a silly appetite, the old gentleman paid moreliberally for, than most others did for more essential favours. Thislasted till a violent cough, seizing and laying him up, delivered mefrom this most innocent and insipid trifler, for I never heard more ofhim after his first retreat. 

You may be sure a by-jod of this sort interfered with no other pursuit, or plan of life; which I led, in truth, with a modesty and reservethat was less the work of virtue than of exhausted novelty, a glutof pleasure, and easy circumstances, that made me indifferent to anyengagements in which pleasure and profit were not eminently united; andsuch I could, with the less impatience, wait for at the hands of timeand fortune, as I was satisfied I could never mend my pennyworths, having evidently been served at the top of the market, and evenbeen pampered with dainties: besides that, in the sacrifice of a fewmomentary impulses, I found a secret satisfaction in respecting myself, as well as preserving the life and freshness of my complexion. Louisaand Emily did not carry indeed their reserve so high as I did; but stillthey were far from cheap or abandoned, though two of their adventuresseemed to contradict this general character, which, for theirsingularity, I shall give you in course, beginning first with Emily's:

Louisa and she went one night to a ball, the first in the habit of ashepherdess, Emily in that of a shepherd: I saw them in their dressesbefore they went, and nothing in nature could represent a prettierboy than this last did, being so fair and well limbed. They had kepttogether for some time, when Louisa, meeting an old acquaintance ofhers, very cordially gives her companion the slip, and leaves herunder the protection of her boy's habit, which was not much, and ofher discretion, which was, it seems, still less. Emily, finding herselfdeserted, sauntered thoughtless about a while, and, as much for coolnessand air as any thing else, at length pulled off her mask and went to thesideboard; where, eyed and marked out by a gentleman in a very handsomedomino, she was accosted by, and fell into chat with him. The domino, after a little discourse, in which Emily doubtless distinguished hergood nature and easiness more than her wit, began to make violent loveto her, and drawing her insensibly to some benches at the lower end ofthe masquerade room, got her to sit by him, where he squeezed her hands, pinched her cheeks, praised and played with her fine hair, admiredher complexion, and all in a style of courtship dashed with a certainoddity, that not comprehending the mystery of, poor Emily attributed tohis falling in with the humour of her disguise; and being naturally notthe cruellest of her profession, began to incline to a parley on thoseessentials. But here was the stress of the joke: he took her reallyfor what she appeared to be, a smock-faced boy; and she, forgetting herdress, and of course ranging quite wide of his ideas, took all thoseaddress to be paid to herself as a woman, which she precisely owed tohis not thinking her one. However, this double error was pushed tosuch a height on both sides, that Emily, who saw nothing in him but agentleman of distinction by those points of dress to which his disguisedid not extend, warmed too by the wine he had plyed her with, and thecaresses he had lavished upon her, suffered herself to be persuaded togo to a bagnio with him; and thus, losing sight of Mrs. Cole's cautions, with a blind confidence, put herself into his hands, to be carriedwherever he pleased. For his part, equally blinded by his wishes, whilsthere gregious simplicity favoured his deception more than the mostexquisite art could have done, he supposed, no doubt, that he hadlighted on some soft simpleton, fit for his; purpose, or some keptminion broken to his hand, who understood him perfectly well, andentered into his designs. But, be that as it would, he led her toa coach, went into it with her, and brought her to a very handsomeapartment, with a bed in it; but whether it was a bagnio or not, shecould not tell, having spoken to nobody but himself. But when they werealone together, and her inamorato began to proceed to those extremitieswhich instantly discover the sex, she remarked, that no descriptioncould paint up to the life, the mixture of pique, confusion anddisappointment, that appeared in his countenance, joined to the mournfulexclamation: "By heavens, a woman!" This at once opened her eyes, whichhad been shut in downright stupidity. However, as if he had meant toretrieve that escape, he still continued to toy with and fondle her, but with so staring an alteration from extreme warmth into a chill andforced civility, that even Emily herself could not but take noticeof it, and now began to wish she had paid more regard to Mrs. Cole'spremonitions against ever engaging with a stranger. And now an excess oftimidity succeeded to an excess of confidence, and she thought herselfso much at his mercy and discretion, that she stood passive throughoutthe whole progress of his prelude: for now, whether the impressionsof so great a beauty had even made him forgive her sex, or whether herappearance or figure in that dress still humoured his first illusion, herecovered by degrees a good part of his first warmth, and keeping Emilywith her breeches still unbuttoned, stript them down to her knees, andgently impelling her to lean down, with her face against the bed-side, placed her so, that the double way, between the double rising behind, presented the choice fair to him, and he was so fairly set on amis-direction, as to give the girl no small alarms for fear of losinga maidenhead she had not dreamt of. However, her complaints, and aresistance, gentle, but firm, checked and brought him to himself again;so that turning his steed's head, he drove him at length in the rightroad, in which his imagination having probably made the most of thoseresemblances that flattered his taste, he got, with much ado, to hisjourney's end: after which, he led her out himself, and walking with hertwo or three streets length, got her a chair, when making her a presentnot any thing inferior to what she could have expected, he left her, well recommended to the chairmen, who, on her directions, brought herhome. 

This she related to Mrs. Cole and me the same morning, not without thevisible remains of the fear and confusion she had been in, still stampedon her countenance. Mrs. Cole's remark was, that her indiscretionproceeding from a constitutional facility, there were little hopes ofany thing curing her of it, but repeated severe experience. Mine was, that I could not conceive how it was possible for mankind to run intoa taste, not only universally odious, but absurd, and impossible togratify; since, according to the notions and experience I had of things, it was not in nature to force such immense disproportions. Mrs. Coleonly smiled at my ignorance, and said nothing towards my undeception, which was not affected but by ocular demonstration, some months after, which a most singular accident furnished me, and which I will here setdown, that I may not return again to so disagreeable a subject. 

I had, on a visit intended to Harriet, who had taken lodgings atHampton-court, hired a chariot to go out thither, Mrs. Cole having, promised to accompany me; but some indispensable business intervening, to detain her, I was obliged to set out alone; and scarce had I got athird of my way, before the axle-tree broke down, and I was well off toget out, safe and unhurt, into a public-house, of a tolerable handsomeappearance, on the road. Here the people told me that the stage wouldcome by in a couple of hours at farthest, upon; which, determining towait for it, sooner than lose the jaunt I had got so far forward on, Iwas carried into a very clean decent room, up one pair of stairs, whichI took possession of for the time I had to stay, in right of calling forsufficient to do the house justice. 

Here, whilst I was amusing myself with looking out of the window, asingle horse-chaise stopt at the door, out of which lightly leaped twoyoung' gentlemen, for so they seemed, who came in only as it were tobait and refresh a little, for they gave their horse to be held! inreadiness against they came out. And presently I heard the door of thenext room, where they were let in, and called about them briskly; and assoon as they were served, I could just hear that they shut and fastenedthe door on the inside. 

A spirit of curiosity, far from sudden, since I do not know when I waswithout it, prompted me, without any particular suspicion, or otherdrift or view, to see what they were, and examine their persons andbehaviour. The partition of our rooms was one of those moveable onesthat, when taken down, served occasionally to lay them into one, for theconveniency of as larger company; and now, my nicest search could notshew me the shadow of a peep-hole, a circumstance which probably had notescaped the review of the parties on the other side, whom much it stoodupon not to be deceived in it; but at length I observed a paper patch ofthe same colour as the wainscot, which I took to conceal some flaw; butthen it was so high, that I was obliged to stand upon a chair to reachit, which I did as soft as possible, and, with a point of a bodkin, soonpierced it, and opened myself espial room sufficient. And now, applyingmy eye close, I commanded the room perfectly, and could see my twoyoung sparks romping and pulling one another about, entirely, to myimagination, in frolic and innocent play. 

The eldes might be, on my nearest guess, towards nineteen, a tall comelyyoung man, in a white fustian frock, with a green velvet cape, and cutbob-wig. 

The youngest could not be above seventeen, fair, ruddy, completely wellmade, and to say the truth, a sweet pretty stripling: he was too, Ifancy, a country lad, by his dress, which was a green plush frock, andbreeches of the same, white waistcoat and stockings, a jockey cap, withhis fellowish hair, long and loose, in natural curls. 

But after a look of circumspection, which I saw the eldest cast everyway round the room, probably in too much hurry and heat not to overlookthe very small opening I was posted at, especially at the height itwas, whilst my eye close to it kept the light from shining through andbetraying it, he said something to his companion that presently changedthe face of things. 

For now the elder began to embrace, to press and kiss the younger, toput his hands into his bosom, and give him such manifest signs ofan amorous intention, as made me conclude the other to be a girl indisguise: a mistake that nature kept me in countenance for, for she hadcertainly made one, when she gave him the made stamp. 

In the rashness then of their age, and bent as they were to accomplishtheir project of preposterous pleasure, at the risk of the very worst ofconsequences, where a discovery was nothing less than improbable, theynow proceeded to such lengths as soon satisfied me what they were. 

For presently the eldest unbuttoned the other's breeches, and removingthe linen barrier, brought out to view a white shaft, middle sized, andscarce fledged, when after handling and playing with it a little, withother dalliance, all received by the boy without other opposition thancertain wayward coyness, ten times-more alluring than repulsive, he gothim so turned round, with his face from him, to a chair that stood hardby; when knowing, I suppose, his office, the Ganymede now obsequiouslyleaned his head against the back of it, and projecting his body, made afair mark, still covered with his shirt. As he thus stood in a side viewto me, but fronting his companion, who, presently unmasking his battery, produced an engine that certainly deserved to be put to a better use, and very fit to confirm me in my disbelief of the possibility ofthings; being pushed to odious extremities, which I had built on thedisproportion of parts; but this disbelief I was now cured of, as by myconsent all young men should likewise be, that their innocence may notbe betrayed into such snares, for want of knowing the extent of theirdanger: for nothing is more certain than that ignorance of advice is byno means a guard against it. 

Slipping, then, aside the young lad's shirt, and tucking it up underhis clothes behind, he shewed to the open air those globular fleshyeminences that compose the Mount Peasants of Rome, and which now, withall the narrow vale that intersects them, stood displayed and exposedto his attack; nor could I without a shudder behold the dispositions hemade for it. First, then, moistening well with spittle his instrument, obviously to make it glib, he pointed, he introduced it, as I couldplainly discern, not only from its direction and my losing sight of it, but by the writhing, twisting and soft murmured complaints of the youngsufferer; but at length, the first straits of entrance being pretty wellgo through, every thing seemed to move and go pretty currently on, as ona carpet road, without much rub or resistance; and now, passing one handround his minions' hips, he got hold of his red-topped ivory toy, that stood perfectly stiff, and shewed, that if he was like his motherbehind, he was like his father before; this he diverted himself with, whilst, with the other he wantoned with his hair, and leaning forwardover his back, drew his face, from which the boy shook the loose curlsthat fell over it, in the posture he stood him in, and brought himtowards his, so as to receive a long breathed kiss; after which, renewing his driving, and thus continuing to harass his rear, the heightof the fist came on with its usual symptoms, and dismissed the action. 

The criminal scene they acted, I had the patience to see to an end, purely that I might gather more facts and certainty against them in mydesign to do their deserts instant justice; and accordingly, when theyhad re-adjusted themselves; and were preparing to go out, burning as Iwas with rage and indignation, I jumped down from the chair, in orderto raise the house upon them, but with such an unlucky impetuosity, thatsome nail or ruggedness in the floor caught my foot, and flung me on myface with such violence, that I fell senseless on the ground, and laythere some time before any one came to my relief: so that they, alarmed, I suppose, by the noise of my fall, had more than the necessary timeto make a safe retreat. This they effected, as I learnt, with aprecipitation nobody could account for, until, when come to myself, andcomposed enough to speak, I acquainted those of the house with the wholetransaction I had been evidence to. 

When I came home again, and told Mrs. Cole this adventure, she verysensibly observed to me, that "there was no doubt of the due vengeanceone time or other overtaking these miscreants, however they might escapefor the present; and that, had I been the temporal instrument of it, Ishould have been put to a great deal more trouble and confusion thanI imagined; that, as to the thing itself, the less said of it was thebetter; but that though she might be suspected of partiality, from itsbeing the common cause of womankind, out of whose mouths this practicetended to take something more than bread, yet she protested against anymixture of passion, with a declaration extorted from her by pure regardto truth; which was, that whatever effect this infamous passion had inother ages and other countries, it seemed a peculiar blessing on our airand climate, that there was a plaguespot visibly imprinted on all thatare tainted with it, in this nation at least, for that among numbers ofthat stamp whom she had known, or at least were universally under thescandalous suspicion of it, she would not name an exception hardly toone of them, whose character was not, in all other respects, the mostworthless and despicable that could be; stript of all the manly virtuesof their own sex, and filled up with only the worst vices and follies ofours; that, in fine, they were scarce less execrable than ridiculous intheir monstrous inconsistence, of loathing and contemning women, and atthe same time apeing all their manners, airs, lisps, scuttle, and, ingeneral, all their little modes of affectation, which become them atleast better, than they do these unsexed, male misses. "

But here, washing my hands of them, I re-plunge into the stream of myhistory, which I may very properly ingraft a terrible sally of Louisa's, since I had some share in it myself, and have besides engaged myself torelate it, in point of countenance to poor Emily. It will add, too, onemore example to thousands, in confirmation of the maxim, that women getonce out of compass, there are no lengths of licentiousness, that theyare not capable of running. 

One morning then, that both Mrs. Cole and Emily were gone out for theday, and only Louisa and I (not to mention the house-maid) were left incharge of the house, whilst we were loitering away the time, in lookingthrough the shop windows, the son of a poor woman, who earned very hardbread indeed by mending of stockings, in a stall in the neighbourhood, offered us some nosegays, ranged round a small basket; by selling ofwhich the poor boy eked out his mother's maintenance of them both: norwas he fit for any other way of livelihood, since he was not onlya perfect changeling, or idiot, but stammered so that there was nounderstanding even those sounds his half-dozen animals ideas, at most, prompted him to utter. 

The boys and servants in the neighbourhood had given him the nick-nameof good-natured Dick, from the soft simpleton's doing every thing hewas bid at the first word, and from his naturally having no turnto mischief; then, by the way, he was perfectly well made, stout, clean-limbed, tall of his age, as strong as a horse, and, withal, prettyfeatured; so that he was not, absolutely, such a figure to be snuffledat neither, if your nicety could, in favour of such essentials, havedispensed with a face unwashed, hair tangled for want of combing, andso ragged a pliht, that he might have disputed points of shew with anyheathen philosopher of them all. 

This boy we had often seen, and bought his flowers, out of purecompassion, and nothing more; but just at this time as he stoodpresenting us his basket, a sudden whim, a start of wayward fancy, seized Louisa; and, without consulting me, she calls him in, andbeginning to examine his nosegays, culls out two, one for herself, another for me, and pulling out half a crown, very currently gives ithim to change, as if she had really expected he could have changed it:but the boy, scratching his head, made his signs explain his inabilityin place of words, which he could not, with all his struggles, articulate. 

Louisa, at this, says: "Well, my lad, come up stairs with me, and I willgive you your due, " winking at the same time to me, and beckoning me toaccompany her, which I did, securing first the street-door, that by thismeans, together with the shop, became wholly the care of the faithfulhouse-maid. 

As we went up, Louisa whispered me "that she had conceived a strangelonging to be satisfied, whether the general rule held good with regardto this changeling, and how far nature had made him amends, in her bestbodily gifts, for her denial of the sublimer intellectual ones; begin, at the same time, my assistance in procuring her this satisfaction. " Awant of complaisance was never my vice, and I was so far from opposingthis extravagant frolic, that now, bit with the same maggot, and mycuriosity conspiring with hers, I entered plump into it, on my ownaccount. 

Consequently, soon as we came into Louisa's bed-chamber, whilst she wasamusing him with picking out his nosegays, I undertook the lead, andbegan the attack. As it was not then very material to keep much measureswith a mere natural, I made presently free with him, though at my firstmotion of meddling, his surprise and confusion made him receive myadvances but awkwardly: nay, insomuch that he bashfully shied, and shiedback a little; till encouraging him with my eyes, plucking him playfullyby the hair, sleeking his cheeks, and forwarding my point by a numberof little wantonnesses, I soon turned him familiar, and gave natureher sweetest alarm: so that aroused, and beginning to feel himself, wecould, amidst all the innocent laugh and grin I had provoked him into, perceive the fire lighting in his eyes, and, diffusing over his cheeks, blend its glow with that of his blushes. The emotion in short of animalpleasure glared distinctly in the simpleton's countenance; yet struckwith the novelty of the scene, he did not know which way to look ormove; but tame, passive, simpering, with his mouth half open, in stupidrapture, stood and tractably suffered me to do what I pleased with him. His basket was dropt out of his hands, which Louisa took care of. 

I had now, through more than one rent, discovered and felt his thighs, the skin of which seemed the smoother and fairer for the coarseness, andeven the dirt of his dress, as the teeth of negroes seem the whiter forthe surrounded black; and poor indeed of habit, poor of understanding, he was, however, abundantly rich in personal treasures, such as flesh, firm, plump, and replete with the juices of youth, and robust well-knitlimbs. My fingers too had now got within reach of the true, the genuinesensitive plant, which, instead of shrinking from the touch, joys tomeet it, and swells and vegetates under it: mine pleasingly informed methat matters were so ripe for the discovery we meditated, that they weretoo mighty for the confinement they were ready to break. A waistbandthat I unskewered, and a rag of a shirt that I removed, and which couldnot have covered a quarter of it, revealed the whole of the idiot'sstandard of distinction, erect, in full pride and display: but such aone! it was positively of so tremendous a size, that prepared as we wereto see something extraordinary, it still, out of measure, surpassed ourexpectation, and astonished even me, who had not been used to trade intrifles. In fine, it might have answered very well the making a skew of;its enormous head seemed, in hue and size, not unlike a common sheep'sheart; then you might have trolled dice securely along the broad backof the body of it; the length of it too was prodigious; then the richappendage of the treasure-bag beneath, large in proportion, gatheredand crisped up round in shallow furrows, helped to fill the eye, andcomplete the proof of his being a natural, not quite in vain; since itwas full manifest that he inherited, and largely too, the prerogative ofmajesty which distinguishes that otherwise most unfortunate condition, and gave rise to the vulgar saying "That a fool's bauble is a lady'splayfellow. " Not wholly without reason: for, generally speaking, it isin love as it is in war, where the longest weapon carries it. Nature, in short, had done so much for him in those parts, that she perhaps heldherself acquitted in doing so little for his head. 

For my part, who had sincerely no intention to push the joke furtherthan simply satisfying my curiosity with the sight of it alone, I wascontent, in spite of the temptation that stared me in the face, withhaving raised a May-pole for another to hang a garland on: for, by thistime, easily reading Louisa's desires in her wishful eyes, I acted thecommodious part, and made her, who sought no better sport, significantterms of encouragement to go through stitch with her adventure;intimating too that I would stay and see fair play: in which, indeed, Ihad in view to humour a new born curiosity, to observe what appearancesactive nature would put on in a natural, in the course of this herdarling operation. 

Louisa, whose appetite was up, and who, like the industrious bee, was, it seems, not above gathering the sweet of so rare a flower, though shefound it planted on a dunghill, was but too readily disposed to takethe benefit of my cession. Urged then strongly by her own desires, andemboldened by me, she presently determined to risk a trial of parts withthe idiot, who was by this time nobly inflamed for her purpose, by allthe irritation we had used to put the principles of pleasure effectuallyinto motion, and to wind up the springs of its organ to their supremepitch; and it stood accordingly stiff and straining, ready to burst withthe blood and spirits that swelled it. .. To a bulk! No! I shall neverforget it. 

Louisa then, taking and holding the fine handle that so invitinglyoffered itself, led the ductile youth, by that mastertool of his, as shestept backward towards the bed; which he joyfully gave way to, underthe incitations of instinct, and palpably delivered up to the goad ofdesire. 

Stopped then by the bed, she took the fall she loved, and leaned to themost, gently backward upon it, still holding fast what she held, andtaking care to give her clothes a convenient toss up, so that her thighsduly disclosed, and elevated, laid open all the outward prospect of thetreasury of love: the rose-lipt overture presenting the cockpit so fair, that it was not in nature even for a natural to miss it. Nor did he: forLouisa, fully bent on grappling with it, and impatient of dalliance ordelay, directed faithfully the point of the battering-piece, and boundedup with a rage of so varocious appetite, to meet and favour the thrustof insertion, that the fierce activity on both sides effected it withsuch pain of distention, that Louisa cried out violently, that she washurt beyond bearing, that she was killed. But it was too late: the stormwas up, and force was on her to give way to it; for now the man-machine, strongly worked upon by the sensual passion, felt so manfully hisadvantages and superiority, felt withal the sting of pleasure sointolerable, that maddening with it, his joys began to assume acharacter of furiousness, which made me tremble for the too tenderLouisa. He seemed, at this juncture, greater than himself; hiscountenance, before so void of meaning, or expression, now grew big withthe importance of the act he was upon. In short, it was not now that hewas to be played the fool with. But, what is pleasant enough, I myselfwas awed into a sort of respect for him, by the comely terrors hismotions dressed him in: his eyes shooting sparks of fire; his faceglowing with ardours that gave another life to it; his teeth churning;his whole frame agitated with a raging ungovernable impetuosity: allsensibly betraying the formidable fierceness with which the genialinstinct acted upon him. Butting then and goring all before him, and madand wild like an ower-driven steer, he ploughs up the tender furrow allinsensible to Louisa's complaints; nothing can stop, nothing can keepout a fury like his: with which, having once got its head in, its blindrage soon made way for the rest, piercing, rending, and breaking openall obstruction. The torn, split, wounded girl cries, struggles, invokesme to her rescue, and endeavours to get from under the young savage, or shake him off, but alas! in vain: her breath, might as soon havestrength to have quelled his rough assault, or put him out of hiscourse. And indeed, all her efforts and struggles were managed with suchdisorder, that they served rather to entangle, and fold her the fasterin the twine of his boisterous arms; so that she was tied to the stake, and obliged to fight the match out, if she died for it. For his part, instinct-ridden as he was, the expressions of his animal passion, partaking something of ferocity, were rather worrying than kisses, intermixed with ravenous love-bites on her cheeks and necks, the printsof which did not wear out for some days after. 

Poor Louisa, however, bore up at length better than could have beenexpected: and though she suffered, and greatly too, yet, ever true tothe good old cause, she suffered with pleasure and enjoyed her pain. Andsoon now, by dint of an enraged enforcement, the brute-machine, drivenlike a whirlwind, made all smoke again, and wedging its way up, to theutmost extremity, left her, in point of penetration, nothing to fear orto desire: and now, "Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth, " (Shakespeare. )

Louisa lay, pleased to the heart, pleased to her utmost capacity ofbeing so, with every fibre in those parts, stretched almost to breaking, on a rack of joy, whilst the instrument of all this over-fullnesssearched her senses with its sweet excess, till the pleasure gained uponher so, its point stung her so home, that catching at length the ragefrom her furious driver and sharing the riot of his wild rapture, shewent wholly out of her mind into that favourite part of her body, thewhole intenseness of which was so fervously filled, and employed:there alone she existed, all lost in those delirious transports, thoseextasies of the senses, which her winking eyes, the brightened vermilionof her lips and cheeks, and sighs of pleasure deeply fetched, sopathetically expressed. In short, she was now as mere a machine as muchwrought on, and had her motions as little at her own command, as thenatural himself, who, thus broke in upon her, made her feel with avengeance his tempestuous mettle he battered with; their active loinsquivered again with the violence of their conflict, till the surge ofpleasure, foaming and raging to a height, drew down the pearly showerthat was, to allay this hurricane. The purely sensitive idiot then firstshed those tears of joy that attend its last moments, not without anagony of delight, and even almost a roar of rapture, as the gush escapedhim; so sensibly too for Louisa, that she kept him faithful company, going off, in consent, with the old symptoms: a delicious delirium, atremendous convulsive shudder, and the critical dying: Oh! And now, onhis getting off she lay pleasure-drenched, and regorging its essentialsweets; but quite spent, and gasping for breath, without other sensationof life than in those exquisite vibrations that trembled still on thestrings of delight; which had been too intensively touched, and whichnature had so ravishingly stirred with, for the senses to be quickly atpeace from. 

As for the changeling, whose curious engine had been thus successfullyplayed off, his shift of countenance and gesture had even somethingdroll, or rather tragi-comic in it: there was now an air of sad repiningfoolishness, superadded to his natural one of no meaning and idiotism, as he stood with his label of manhood, now lank, unstiffened, becalmed, and flapping against his thighs, down which it reached half way, terrible even in its fall, whilst under the dejection of spirit andflesh, which naturally followed his eyes, by turns, cast down towardshis struck standard, or piteously lifted to Louisa, seemed to require ather hands what he had so sensibly parted from to her, and now ruefullymissed. But the vigour of nature, soon returning, dissipated the blastof faintness which the common law of enjoyment had subjected him to;and now his basket re-became his main concern, which I looked for, andbrought him, whilst Louisa restored his dress to its usual condition, and afterwards pleased him perhaps more by taking all his flowersoff his hands, and paying him, at his rate, for them, than if she hadembarrassed him by a present, that he would have been puzzled to accountfor, and might have put others on tracing the motives of. 

Whether she ever returned to the attack I know not, and, to say truth, I believe not. She had had her freak out, and had pretty plentifullydrowned her curiosity in a glut of pleasure, which, as it happened, hadno other consequence than that the lad, who retained only a confusedmemory of the transaction, would, when he saw her, forget her in favourof the next woman, tempted, on the report of his parts, to take him in. Louisa herself did not long outstay this adventure at Mrs. Cole's (towhom, by the bye, we took care not to boast of our exploit, till allfear of consequences were clearly over): for an occasion presentingitself of proving her passion for a young fellow, at the expense of herdiscretion, proceeding all in character, she packed up her toilet, athalf a day's warning, and went with him abroad, since which I entirelylost sight of her, and it never fell in my way to hear what became ofher. 

But a few days after she had left us, two very occasion, not to wrongour training at Mrs. Cole's, especially favourites, and free of heracademy, easily obtained her consent for Emily's and my acceptance of aparty of pleasure, at a little but agreeable house, belonging to one ofthem situated not far up the river Thames, on the Surrey side. 

Every thing being settled, and it being a fine summer day, but ratherof the warmest, we set out after dinner, and got to our rendezvous aboutfour in the afternoon; where, landing at the foot of a neat, joyouspavilion, Emily and I were handed into it by our esquires, and theredrank tea with a cheerfulness and gaiety, that the beauty of theprospect, the serenity of the weather, and the tender politeness of oursprightly gallants, naturally led us into. 

After tea, and taking a turn in the garden, my particular, who was themaster of the house, and had in no sense schemed this party of pleasurefor a dry one, proposed to us, with that frankness which his familiarityat Mrs. Cole's entitled him to, as the weather was excessively hot, to bathe together, under a commodious shelter that he had preparedexpressly for that purpose, in a creek of the river, with which aside-door of the pavilion immediately communicated, and where we mightbe sure of having our diversion out, safe from interruption, and withthe utmost privacy. 

Emily, who never refused anything, and I, who ever delighted in bathing, and had no exception to the person who proposed it, or to those pleasureit was easy to guess it implied, took care, on this occasion, not towrong our training at Mrs. Cole's, and agreed to it with as good a graceas we could. Upon which, without loss of time, we returned instantly tothe pavilion, one door of which opened into a tent, pitched before it, that with its marquise, formed a pleasing defense again the sun, or theweather, and was besides as private as we could wish. The lining of it, embossed cloth, represented a wild forest foliage, from the top, down tothe sides, which, in the same stuff, were figured with fluted pilasters, with their spaces between filled with flower vases, the whole having apay effect croon the eye, wherever you turned it. 

Then it reached sufficiently into the water, yet contained convenientbenches round it, on the dry ground, either to keep our clothes, or. .. , or. .. , in short for more uses than resting upon. There was a side-tabletoo, loaded with sweetmeats, jellies, and other eatables, and bottlesof wine and cordials, by way of occasional relief from any rawness, orchill of the water, or from any faintness from whatever cause; and infact, my gallant, who understood chere entiere perfectly, and who, fortaste (even if you would not approve this specimen of it) might havebeen comptroller of pleasures to a Roman emperor, had left no requisitetowards convenience or luxury unprovided. 

As soon as we had looked round this inviting spot, and every preliminaryof privacy was duly settled, strip was the word: when the younggentlemen soon dispatched the undressing each his partner and reducedus to the naked confession of all those secrets of person which dressgenerally hides, and which the discovery of was, naturally speaking, notto our disadvantage. Our hands, indeed, mechanically carried towardsthe most interesting part of us, screened, at first, all from the tuftedcliff downwards, till we took them away at their desire, and employedthem in doing them the same office, of helping off with their clothes;in the process of which, there passed all the little wantonnesses andfrolics that you may easily imagine. 

As for my spark, he was presently undressed, all to his shirt, thefore-lappet of which as he leaned languishingly on me, he smilinglypointed to me to observe, as it bellied out, or rose and fell, accordingto the unruly starts of the motion behind it; but it was soon fixed, fornow taking off his shirt, and naked as a Cupid, he shewed it me at soupright a stand, as prepared me indeed for his application to me forinstant ease; but, though the sight of its fine size was fit enough tofire me, the cooling air, as I stood in this state of nature, joinedto the desire I had of bathing-first, enabled me to put him off, andtranquillize him, with the remark, that a little suspense would onlyset a keener edge on the pleasure. Leading them the way, and shewing ourfriends an example of continency, which they were giving signs of losingrespect to, we went hand in hand into the stream, till it took us up toour necks, where the no more than grateful coolness of the wafer gavemy senses a delicious refreshment from the sultriness of the season, andmade more alive, more happy in myself, and, in course, more alert, andopen to voluptuous impressions. 

Here I laved and wantoned with the water, or sportively played withmy companion, leaving Emily to deal with hers at discretion. Mine, atlength, not content with making me take the plunge over head and ears, kept splashing me, and provoking me with all the little playful trickshe could devise, and which I strove not to remain in his debt for. Wegave, in short, a loose to mirth; and now, nothing would serve him butgiving his hand the regale of going over every part of me, neck, breast, belly, thighs, and all the et caetera, so dear to the imagination, underthe pretext of washing and rubbing them; as we both stood in the water, no higher now than the pit of our stomachs, and which did not hinder himfrom feeling, and toying with that leak that distinguishes our sex, andit so wonderfully water-tight: for his fingers, in vain dilating andopening it, only let more flame than water into it, be it said withouta figure. At the same time he made me feel his own engine, which was sowell wound up, as to stand even the working in water, and he accordinglythrew one arm round my neck, and was endeavouring to get the betterof that harsher construction bred by the surrounding fluid; and had ineffect one hiway so far as to make me sensible of the pleasing stretchof those nether lips, from the in-driving machine; when, independentof my not liking that awkward mode of enjoyment, I could not helpinterrupting him, in order to become joint spectators of a plan of joy, in hot operation between Emily and her partner; who impatient of thefooleries and dalliance of the bath, had led his nymph to one of thebenches on the green bank, where he was very cordially proceeding toteach her the difference betwixt jest and earnest. 

There, setting her on his knee, and gliding one hand over the surfaceof that smooth polished snow-white skin of hers, which now doubly shonewith a dew-bright lustre, and presented to the touch something like whatone would imagine of animated ivory, especially in those ruby-nippledglobes, which the touch is so fond of and delights to make love to, with the other h was lusciously exploring the sweet secret of nature, in order to make room for a stately piece of machinery, that stoodup-reared, between her thighs, as she continued siting on his lap, andpressed hard for instant intromission, which the tender Emily, in afit of humour deliciously protracted, affected to decline, and elude thevery pleasure she sighed for, but in a style of waywardness, so prettilyput on, and managed, as to render it ten times more poignant; then hereyes, all amidst the softest dying languishment, expressed, ait once amock denial and extreme desire, whilst her sweetness was zested with acoyness so pleasingly provoking, her moods of keeping him off wereso attractive, that they redoubled the impetuous rage with, which, hecovered her with kisses: and kisses that, whilst she seemed to shy fromor scuffle for, the cunning wanton contrived such sly returns, of, aswere, doubtless the sweeter for the gust she gave them, of being stolenravished. 

Thus Emily, who knew no art but that which nature itself, in favourof her principal end, pleasure, had inspired her with, the art ofyielding, coyed it indeed, but coyed it to the purpose; for with allher straining, her wrestling, and striving to break from the claspof his arms, she was so far wiser yet than to mean it, that in herstruggles, it was visible she aimed at nothing more than multiplyingpoints of touch with him, and drawing yet closer the folds that heldthem every where entwined, like two tendrils of a vine intercurling:together: so that the same effect, as when Louisa strove in good earnestto disengage from the idiot, was-now produced by different motives. 

Mean while, their emersion out of the cold water had caused a generalglow, a tender suffusion of heightened carnation over their bodies;both equally white and smoothskinned; so that as their limbs were-thusamorously interwoven, in sweet confusion, it was scarce possible todistinguish who they respectively belonged to, but for the brawnier, bolder muscles of the stronger sex. 

In a little time, however, the champion was fairly in with her, and hadtied at all points the true lover's knot; when now, adieu all the littlerefinements of a finessed reluctance; adieu the friendly feint! She waspresently driven forcibly out of the power of using any art; andindeed, what art must not give way, when nature, corresponding with herassailant, invaded in the heart of her capital and carried by storm, layat the mercy of the proud conqueror, who had made his entry triumphantlyand completely? Soon, however, to become a tributary: for the engagementgrowing hotter and hotter, at close quarters, she presently brought himto the pass of paying down the dear debt to nature; which she had nosooner collected in, but, like a duellist who has laid his antagonist athis feet, when he has himself received a mortal wound, Emily hadscarce time to plume herself upon her victory, but, shot with the samedischarge, she, in a loud expiring sigh, in the closure of her eyes, the stretch-out of her limbs, and a remission of her whole frame, gavemanifest signs that all was as it should be. 

For my part, who had not with the calmest patience stood in the waterall this time, to view this warm action, I leaned tenderly on mygallant, and at the close of it, seemed to ask him with my eyes, what hethought of it; but he, more eager to satisfy me by his actions than bywords or looks, as we shoaled the water towards the shore, showed me thestaff of love so intensely set up, that had not even charity, beginningat home in this case, urged me to our mutual relief, it would have beencruel indeed to have suffered the youth to burst with straining, whenthe remedy was so obvious and so near at hand. 

Accordingly we took a bench, whilst Emily and her spark, who belonged itseems to the sea, stood at the side-board, drinking to our good voyage:for, as the last observed, we were well under weigh, with a fair wind upchannel, and full-freighted; nor indeed were we long before we finishedour trip to Cythera, and unloaded in the old haven; but, as thecircumstances-did not admit of much variation, I shall spare you thedescription. 

At the same time, allow me to place you here an excuse I am conscious ofowing you, for having, perhaps, too much affected the figurative style;though surely, it can pass nowhere more allowable than in a subjectwhich is so properly the province of poetry, nay, is poetry itself, pregnant with every flower of imagination and loving metaphors, evenwere not the natural expressions, for respects of fashion and sound, necessarily forbidden. 

Resuming now my history, you may please to know, that what with acompetent number of repetitions, all in the same strain (and, by thebye, we have a certain natural sense that those repetitions are verymuch to the taste), what with a circle of pleasures delicately varied, there was not a moment lost to joy all the time we staid there, till late in the night we were re-escorted home by our esquires, whodelivered us safe to Mrs. Cole, with generous thanks for our company. 

This too was Emily's last adventure in our way: for scarce a week after, she was, by an accident too trivial to detail to you the particulars, found out by her parents, who were in good circumstances, and who hadbeen punished for their partiality to their son, in the loss of him, occasioned by a circumstance of their over indulgence to his appetite;upon which the so long engrossed stream of fondness, running violentlyin favour of this lost and inhumanly abandoned child whom if they hadnot neglected enquiry about, they might long before have recovered, theywere now so over-joyed at the retrieval of her, that, I presume, it madethem much less strict in examining the bottom of things: for they seemedvery glad to take for granted, in the lump, every thing that the graveand decent Mrs. Cole was pleased to pass upon them; and soon afterwardssent her, from the country, handsome acknowledgment. 

But it was not so easy to replace to our community the loss of so sweeta member of it: for, not to mention her beauty, she was one of thosemild, pliant characters, that if one does not entirely esteem, one canscarce help loving, which is not such a bad compensation neither. Owingall her weaknesses to good nature, and an indolent facility that kepther too much at the mercy of first impressions, she had just senseenough to know that she wanted leading strings, and thought herself somuch obliged to any who would take the pains to think for her, and guideher, that with a very little management, she was capable of being made amost agreeable, nay a most virtuous wife: for vice, it is probable, hadnever been her choice, or her fate, if it had not been for occasion, or example, or had she not depended less upon herself than upon hercircumstances. This presumption her conduct afterwards verified: forpresently meeting with a match, that was ready cut and dry for her, witha neighbour's son of her own rank, and a young man of sense and order, who took as the widow of one lost at sea (for so it seems one of hergallants, whose name she had made free with, really was), she naturallystruck into all the duties of her domestic life, with as much simplicityof affection, with as much constancy and regularity, as if she had neverswerved from a state of undebauched innocence from her youth. 

These desertions had, however, now so far thinned Mrs. Cole's cluck thatshe was left with only me, like a hen with one chicken; but though shewas earnestly entreated and encouraged to recruit her crops, her growinginfirmities, and, above all, the tortures, of a stubborn hip gout, which she found would yield to no remedy, determined her to break up herbusiness, and retire with a decent pittance into the country, where Ipromised myself, nothing so sure, as my going down to live with her, assoon as I had seen a little more of life, and improved my small mattersinto a competency that would create in me an independence on the world:for I was now, thanks to Mrs. Cole, wise enough to keep that essentialin view. 

Thus was I then to lose my faithful preceptress, as did the philosophersof the town the white crow of her profession. For besides that she neverransacked her customers, whose tastes too she ever studiously consulted, she never racked her pupils with unconscionable extortions, nor everput their hard earnings, as she called them, under the contribution ofpoundage. She was a severe enemy to the seduction for innocence, andconfined her acquisitions solely to those unfortunate young women, who, having lost it, were but the juster objects of compassion: among these, indeed, she picked out such as suited her views and taking them underher protection, rescued them from the danger of the public sinks of ruinand misery, to place, or for them, well or ill, in the manner you haveseen. Having then settled her affairs, she set out on her journey, aftertaking the most tender leave of me, and at the end of some excellentinstructions, recommending me to myself, with an anxiety perfectlymaternal. In short, she affected me so much, that I was not presentlyreconciled to myself for suffering her at any rate to go without me; butfate had, it seems, otherwise disposed of me. 

I had, on my separation from Mrs. Cole, taken a pleasant convenienthouse at Marylebone, but easy to rent and manage from its smallness, which I furnished neatly and modestly. There, with a reserve of eighthundred pounds, the fruit of my deference to Mrs. Cole's counsels, exclusive of clothes, some jewels, and some plate, I saw myself in pursefor a long time, to wait without impatience for what the chapter ofaccidents might produce in my favour. 

Here, under the new character of a young gentlewoman whose husband wasgone to sea, I had marked me out such lines of life and conduct, asleaving me a competent liberty to pursue my views either out of pleasureor fortune, bounded me nevertheless strictly within the rules of decencyand discretion: a disposition, in which you cannot escape observing atrue pupil of Mrs. Cole. 

I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, when going out onemorning pretty early to enjoy the freshness of it, in the pleasingoutlet of the fields, accompanied only by a maid, whom I had newlyhired, as we were carelessly walking among the trees, we were alarmedwith the noise of a violent coughing: turning our heads towards which, we distinguished a plain well dressed elderly gentleman, who, attackedwith a sudden fit, was so much overcome, as to be forced to give way toit and sit down at the foot of a tree, where he seemed suffocating withthe severity of it, being perfectly black in the face; not less movedthan frightened with which, I flew on the instant to his relief, andusing the rote of practice I had observed on the like occasion, Iloosened his cravat and clapped him on the back; but whether to anypurpose, or whether the cough had had its course, I know not, but thefit immediately went off; and now recovered to his speech and legs, hereturned me thanks with as much emphasis as if I had saved his life. This naturally engaging a conversation, he acquainted me where he lived, which was at a considerable distance from where I met him, and where hehad strayed insensibly on the same intention of a morning walk. 

He was, as I afterwards learned in the course of the intimacy which thislittle accident gave birth to, an old bachelor, turned of sixty, butof a fresh vigorous complexion, insomuch that he scarce marked five andforty, having never racked his constitution by permitting his desires toover-tax his ability. 

As to his birth and conditions, his parents, honest and failedmechanics, had, by the best traces he could get of them, left him aninfant orphan on the parish; so that it was from a charity-school, that, by honesty and industry, he made his way into a merchant's countinghouse, from whence, being sent to a house in Cadiz, he there, by histalents and activity, acquired not only a fortune, but an immenseone, with which he returned to his native country; where he could not, however, fish out so much as one single relation out of the obscurityhe was born in. Taking then a taste for refinement, and pleased to enjoylife, like a mistress in the dark, he flowed his days in all the easeof opulence, without the least parade of it; and, rather studyingthe concealment than the shew of a fortune, looked down on a world heperfectly knew himself, to his wish, unknown and unmarked by. 

But, as I propose to devote a letter entirely to the pleasure ofretracing to you all the particulars of my acquaintance with this ever, to me, memorable friend, I shall, in this, transiently touch on nomore than may serve, as mortar, to cement, or form the connection of myhistory, and to obviate your surprise that one of my blood and relish oflife, should count a gallant of three score such a catch. 

Referring then to a more explicit narrative, to explain by whatprogressions our acquaintance, certainly innocent at first, insensiblychanged nature, and run into unplatonic length, as might well beexpected from one of my condition of life, and above all, from thatprinciple of electricity that scarce ever fails of producing fire whenthe sexes meet. I shall only here acquaint you, that as age had notsubdued his tenderness for our sex, neither had it robbed him of thepower of pleasing, since whatever he wanted in the bewitching charms ofyouth, he atoned for, or supplemented with the advantages of experience, the sweetness of his manners, and above all, his flattering address intouching the heart, by an application to the understanding. From him itwas I first learned, to any purpose, and not without infinite pleasure, that I had such a portion of me worth bestowing some regard on; from himI received my first essential encouragement, and instructions how to putit in that train of cultivation, which I have since pushed to the littledegree of improvement you see it at; he it was, who first taught me tobe sensible that the pleasures of the mind were superior to those ofthe body; at the same time, that they were so far from obnoxious to, or, incompatible with each other, that, besides the sweetness in the varietyand transition, the one served to exalt and perfect the taste of theother, to a degree that the senses alone can never arrive at. 

Himself a rational pleasurist; as being much too wise to be ashamed ofthe pleasures of humanity, loved me indeed, but loved me with dignity;in a mean equally removed from the sourness, of forwardness, by whichage is unpleasingly characterized, and from that childish silly dotagethat so often disgraces it, and which he himself used to turn intoridicule, and compare to an old goat affecting the frisk of a young kid. 

In short, every thing that is generally unamiable in his season of life, was, in him, repaired by so many advantages, that he existed a proof, manifest at least to me, that it is not out of the power of age toplease, if it lays out to please, and if, making just allowance, thosein that class do not forget, that if must cost them more pains andattention, than what youth, the natural spring-time of joy, stands inneed of: as fruits out of season require proportionally more skill andcultivation, to force them. 

With this gentleman, who took me home soon after our acquaintancecommenced, I lived near eight months in which time, my constantcomplaisance and docility, my attention to deserve his confidence andlove, and a conduct, in general, devoid of the least art and founded onmy sincere regard and esteem for him, won and attached him so firmly tome, that, after having generously trusted me with a genteel, independentsettlement, proceeding to heap marks of affection on me, he appointedme, by an authentic will, his sole heiress and executrix: a dispositionwhich he did not outlive two months, being taken from me by a violentcold that he contracted, as he unadvisedly ran to the window, on analarm of fire at some streets distant, and stood there naked-breasted, and exposed to the fatal impressions of a damp night air. 

After acquitting myself of the duty towards my deceased benefactor, andpaying him a tribute of un-feigned sorrow, which a little time changedinto a most tender, graceful memory of him, which I shall ever retain, Igrew somewhat comforted by the prospect that now opened to me, if not ofhappiness, at least of affluence and independence. 

I saw myself then in the full bloom and pride of youth (for I was notyet nineteen), actually at the head of so large a fortune, as it wouldhave been even the height of impudence in me to have raised my wishes, much more my hopes to; and that this unexpected elevation did not turnmy head, I owed to the pains my benefactor had taken to form andprepare me for it, as I owed his opinion of my management of the vastpossessions he left me, to what he had observed of the prudentialeconomy I had learned under Mrs. Cole, the reserve of which he saw I hadmade, was a proof and encouragement to him. 

But, alas! how easily in the enjoyment of the greatest sweets in life, in present possession, poisoned by the regret of an absent one! But myregret was a mighty and just one, since it had my only truly belovedCharles for its object. 

Given him up I had, indeed, completely, having never once heard fromhim since our separation; which, as I found afterwards, had been mymisfortune, and not his neglect, for he wrote me several letters whichhad all miscarried; but forgotten him I never had. And amidst all mypersonal infidelities, not one had made a pin's point impression on aheart impenetrable to the true love passion, but for him. 

As soon, however, as I was mistress of this unexpected fortune, I feltmore than ever how dear he was to me, from its insufficiency to makeme happy, whilst he was not to share it with me. My earliest care, consequently, was to endeavour at getting some account of him; but allmy researches produced me no more light, than that his father had beendead for some time, not so well as even with the world; and that Charleshad reached his port of destination in the South Seas, where, findingthe estate he was sent to recover, dwindled to a trifle, by the loss oftwo ships in which the bulk of his uncle's fortune lay, he was comeaway with the small remainder, and might, perhaps, according to the bestadvice, in a few months return to England, from whence he had, at thetime of this my inquiry, been absent two years and seven months. Alittle eternity in love!

You cannot conceive with what joy I embraced the hopes thus given meof seeing the delight of my heart again. But, as the term of months wasassigned it, in order to divert and amuse my impatience for his return, after settling my affairs with much ease and security, I set out on ajourney for Lancashire, with an equipage suitable to my fortune, andwith a design purely to revisit my place of nativity, for which I couldnot help retaining a great tenderness; and might naturally not be sorryto shew myself there, to the advantage I was now in pass to do, afterthe report Esther Davis had spread of my being spirited away to theplantations; for on no other supposition could she account for thesuppression of myself to her, since her leaving me so abruptly at theinn. Another favourite intention I had, to look out for my relations, though I had none but distant ones, and prove a benefactress to them. Then Mrs. Cole's place of retirement lying in my way, was not amongstthe least of the pleasures I had proposed to myself in this expedition. 

I had taken nobody with me but a discreet decent woman, to figure it asmy companion, besides my servants; and was scarce got into an inn, abouttwenty miles from London, where I was to sup and pass the night, whensuch a storm of wind and rain come on, as made me congratulate myself onhaving got under shelter before it began. 

This had continued a good half an hour, when bethinking me of somedirections to be given to the coachman, I sent for him, not caring thathis shoes should soil the very clean parlour, in which the cloth waslaid, I stept into the hall kitchen, where he was, and where, whilst Iwas talking to him, I slantingly observed two horsemen driven in by theweather, and both wringing wet; one of whom was asking if they could notbe assisted with a change, while their clothes were dried. But, heavens!who can express what I felt at the sound of a voice, ever present to myheart, and that it now rebounded at! or when pointing my eyes towardsthe person it came from, they confirmed its information, in spite of solong an absence, and of a dress one would have studied for a disguise: ahorseman's great coat, with a stamp-up cape, and his hat flapped. .. But what could escape the alertness of a sense truly guided by love?A transport then like mine was above all consideration, or schemes ofsurprise; and I, that instant, with the rapidity of the emotions that Ifelt the spur of, shot into his arms, crying out, as I threw mine roundhis neck: "My life!. .. My soul!. .. My Charles!. . " and without furtherpower of speech, swooned away, under the pressing agitation of joy andsurprise. 

Recovered out of my entrancement, I found myself in my charmer's arms, but in the parlour, surrounded by a crowd which this event had gatheredround us, and which immediately, on a signal from the discreet landlady, who currently took him for my husband, cleared the room, and desirablyleft us alone to the raptures of this reunion; my joy at which had liketo have proved, at the expense of my life, its power superior to that ofgrief at our fatal separation. 

The first object then, that my eyes opened on, was their supreme idol, and my supreme wish, Charles, on one knee, holding me fast by the handand gazing on me with a transport of fondness. Observing my recovery, he attempted to speak, and give vent to his patience of hearing my voiceagain, to satisfy him once more that it was I; but the mightiness andsuddenness Of the surprise continuing to stun him, choked his utterance:he could only stammer out a few broken, half-formed, filtering accents, which my ears greedily drinking in, spelt, and put together, so as tomake out their sense: "After so long!. .. So cruel an absence!. .. Mydearest Fanny!. .. Can it?. .. Can it be you?. .. " stifling me at the timewith kisses, that, stopping my opening mouth, at once prevented theanswer that he panted for, and increased the delicious disorder inwhich all my senses were rapturously lost. However, amidst this crowd ofideas, and all blissful ones, there obtruded only one cruel doubt thatpoisoned nearly all the transcendant happiness: and what was it, but mydread of its being too excessive to be real? I trembled now with myfear of its being no more than a dream, and of waking out of it intothe horrors of finding it one. Under this fond apprehension, imaginingI could not make too much of the present prodigious joy, before it wouldvanish and leave me in the desert again, nor verify its reality toostrongly, I clung to him, I clasped him, as if to hinder him fromescaping me again: "Where have you been?. .. How could you. .. Could youleave me?. .. Say you are still mine. .. That you still love me. .. Andthus! thus!" (kissing him as if I would consolidated lips with him) "Iforgive you. .. Forgive my hard fortune in favour of this restoration. "

All these interjections breaking from me, in that wildness of expressionthat justly passes for eloquence in love, drew from him all the returnsmy fond heart could wish or require. Our caresses, our questions, ouranswers, for some time observed no order; all crossing, or interruptingone another in sweet confusion, whilst we exchanged hearts at our eyes, and renewed the ratifications of a love unabated by time or absence:not a breath, not a motion, not a gesture on either side, but what wasstrongly impressed with it. Our hands, locked in each other, repeatedthe most passionate squeezes, so that their fiery thrill went to theheart again. 

Thus absorbed, and concentered in this unutterable delight, I had notattended to the sweet author of it being thoroughly wet, and in dangerof catching cold; when, in good time, the landlady, whom the appearanceof my equipage (which, bye the bye Charles knew nothing of) had gainedme an interest in, for me and mine interrupted us by bringing in adecent shift of linen and clothes; which now, somewhat recovered intoa calmer composure by the coming in of a third person, I pressed himto take the benefit of, with a tender con-cern and anxiety that made metremble for his health. 

The landlady leaving us again, he proceeded to shift; in the act ofwhich, though he proceeded with all that modesty which became thesefirst solemner instants of our re-meeting, after so long an absence, I could not refrain certain snatches of my eyes, lured by the dazzlingdiscoveries of his naked skin, that escaped him as he changed his linen, and which I could not observe the unfaded life and complexion of withoutemotions of tenderness and joy, that had himself too purely for theirobject, to partake of a loose or mis-timed desire. 

He was soon dressed in these temporary clothes, which neither fittedhim, nor became the light my passion placed him in, to me at least; yet, as they were on him, they looked extremely well, in virtue of that magiccharm which love put into every thing that he-touched, or had relationto him: and where, indeed, was that dress that a figure like his wouldnot give grace to? For now, as I eyed him more in detail, I could notbut observe the even favourable alteration which the time of his absencehad produced in his person. 

There were still the requisite lineaments, still the same vividvermillion and bloom reigning in his face; but now the roses weremore fully blown; the tan of his travels, and a beard somewhat moredistinguishable, had, at the expense of no more delicacy than what hecould well spare, given it an air of becoming manliness and maturity, that symmetrized nobly with that air of distinction and empire withwhich nature had stamped it, in a rare mixture with the sweetness ofit; still nothing had he lost of that smooth plumpness of flesh, which, glowing with freshness, blooms florid to the eye, and delicious to thetouch; then his shoulders were grown more square, his shape more formed, more portly, but still free and airy. In short, his figure showed riper, greater, and perfecter to the experienced eye, than in his tender youth;and now he was not much more than two and twenty. 

In this interval, however, I picked out of the broken, often pleasinglyinterrupted account of himself, that he was, at that instant, actuallyon his road to London, in not a very paramount plight or condition, having been wrecked on the Irish coast for which he had prematurelyembarked, and lost the little all he had brought with him from the SouthSeas: so that he had not till after great shifts and hardships, in thecompany of his fellow-traveller, the captain, got so far on his journey;that so it was (having heard of his father's death and circumstances, )he had now the world to begin again, on a new account: a situation, which he assured me, in a vein of sincerity, that flowing from hisheart, penetrated mine, gave him to farther pain, than that he had nothis power to make me as happy as he could wish. My fortune, you willplease to observe, I had not entered upon any overture of, reserving, tofeast myself with the surprise of it to him, in calmer instants. And, asto my dress, it could give him no idea of the truth, not only as it wasmourning, but likewise in a style of plainness and simplicity that I hadever kept to with studied art. He pressed me indeed tenderly to satisfyhis ardent curiosity, both with regard to my past and present state oflife, since his being torn away from me: but I found means to eludehis questions, by answers that shewing his satisfaction at no greatdistance, won upon him to waive his impatience, in favour of thethorough confidence he had in my not delaying it, but for respect Ishould in good time acquaint him with. 

Charles, however, thus returned to my longing arms, tender, faithful, and in health, was already a blessing too mighty for my conception: butCharles in distress!. .. Charles reduced, and broken down to his nakedpersonal merit, was such a circumstance, in favour of the sentiments Ihad for him, as exceeded my utmost desire; and accordingly I seemed sovisibly charmed, so out of time and measure pleased at his mention ofhis ruined fortune, that he could account for it no way, but that thejoy of seeing him again had swallowed up every other sense of concern. 

In the mean time, my woman had taken, all possible care of Charles'stravelling companion; and as supper was coming in, he was introducedto me, when I received him as became my regard for all of Charles'sacquaintance or friends. 

We four then supped together, in the style of joy, congratulation, andpleasing disorder that you may guess. For my part, though all theseagitations had left me not the least stomach, but for that uncloyingfeast, the sight of my adored youth, I endeavoured to force it, by wayof example for him, who I conjectured must want such a recruit afterriding; and, indeed, he; ate like a traveller, but gazed at, andaddressed me all the time like a lover. 

After the cloth was taken away, and the hour of repose came on, Charlesand I were, without further ceremony, in quality of man and wife, shownup together to a very handsome apartment, and, all in course, the bed, they said, the best in the inn. 

And here, Decency, forgive me! if once more I violate thy laws andkeeping the curtains undrawn, sacrifice thee for the last time to thatconfidence, without reserve, with which I engaged to recount to you themost striking circumstances of my youthful disorders. 

As soon, then, as we were in the room together, left to ourselves, thesight of the bed starving the remembrance of our first joys, and thethought of my being instantly to share it with the dear possessor of myvirgin heart, moved me so strongly, that it was well I leaned upon him, or I must have fainted again under the overpowering sweet alarm. Charlessaw into my confusion, and forgot his own, that was scarce less, toapply himself to the removal of mine. 

But now the true refining passion had regained throughout possessionof me, with all its train of symptoms: a sweet sensibility, a tendertimidity, love-sick yearnings tempered with diffidence and modesty, allheld me in a subjection of soul, incomparably dearer to me than theliberty of heart which I had been long, too long! the mistress of, inthe course of those grosser gallantries, the consciousness of which nowmade me sigh with a virtuous confusion and regret. No real virgin, inshort, in view of the nuptial bed, could give more bashful blushes tounblemished innocence, than I did to a sense of guilt; and indeed Iloved Charles too truly not to feel severely that I did not deserve him. 

As I kept hesitating and disconcerted under this soft distraction, Charles, with a fond impatience, took the pains to undress me; and all Ican remember amidst the nutter and discomposure of my senses, was, someflattering exclamation of joy and admiration, more specially at the feelof my breasts, now set at liberty from my stays, and which panting andrising in tumultous throbs, swelled upon his dear touch, and gave it thewelcome pleasure of finding them well formed, and un-failed in firmness. 

I was soon laid in bed, and scarce languished an instant for the darlingpartner of it, before he was undressed and got between the sheets, withhis arms clasped round me, giving and taking, with gust inexpressible, a kiss of welcome, that my heart rising to my lips stamped with itswarmest impression, concurring to my bliss, with that delicate andvoluptuous emotion which Charles alone had the secret to excite, andwhich constitutes the very life, the essence of pleasure. 

Mean while, two candles lighted on a side-table near us, and a joyouswood fire, threw a light into the bed, that took from one sense, ofgreat importance to our joys, all pretext for complaining of its beingshut out of its share of them; and, indeed, the sight of my idolizedyouth was alone, from the ardour with which I had wished for it, withoutother circumstance, a pleasure to die of. 

But as action was now a necessity to desires so much on edge as ours, Charles, after a very short prelusive dalliance, lifting up my linen andhis own, laid the broad treasures of his manly chest close to my bosom, both beating with the tenderest alarms: when now, the sense of hisglowing body, in naked touch with mine, took all power over my thoughtsout of my own disposal, and delivered up every faculty of the soulto the sensiblest of joys, that affecting me infinitely more withmy distinction of the person, than of the sex, now brought my heartdeliriously into play: my heart, which, eternally constant to Charles, had never taken any part in my original sacrifices to the calls ofconstitution, complaisance, or interest. But ah! what became of me, when as the powers of solid pleasure thickened upon me, I could not helpfeeling the stiff stake that had been adorned with the trophies ofmy despoiled virginity, bearing hard and inflexible against one of mythighs, which I had not yet opened, from a true principle of modesty, revived by a passion too sincere to suffer any aiming at the false meritof difficulty, or my putting on an impertinent mock coyness. 

I have, I believe, somewhere before remarked, that feel of thatfavourite piece of manhood has, in the very nature of it, somethinginimitably pathetic. Nothing can be dearer to the touch, nor can affectit with a more delirious sensation. Think then! as a love thinks, whatmust be the consummate transport of that quickest of our senses, intheir central seat too! when, after so long a deprival, it felt itselfre-inflamed under the pressure of that peculiar sceptre-member, whichcommands us all: but especially my darling, elect from the face of thewhole earth. And now, at its mightiest point of stiffness, it felt to mesomething so subduing so active, so solid and agreeable, that I knownot what name to give its singular impression: but the sentiment ofconsciousness of its belonging to my supremely beloved youth, gave meso pleasing an agitation, and worked so strongly on my soul, that it sentall its sensitive spirits to that organ of bliss in me, dedicated to itsreception. There, concentering to a point, like rays in a burning glass, they glowed, they burnt with the intensest heat; the springs ofpleasure were, in short, wound up to such a pitch, I panted now with soexquisitely keen an appetite for the eminent enjoyment, that I was evensick with desire, and unequal to support the combination of two distinctideas, that delightfully distracted me: for all the thought I wascapable of, was that I was now in touch, at once, with the instrumentof pleasure, and the great seal of love. Ideas that, mingling streams, poured such an ocean of intoxicating bliss on a weak vessel, all toonarrow to contain it, that I lay overwhelmed, absorbed, lost in an abyssof joy, and dying of nothing but immoderate delight. 

Charles then roused me somewhat out of this extatic distraction, witha complaint softly murmured, amidst a crowd of kisses, at the position, not so favourable to his desires, in which I received his urgentinsistance for admission, where that insistance was alone so engrossinga pleasure, that it made me inconsistently suffer a much dearer one tobe kept out; but how sweet to correct such a mistake! My thighs, nowobedient to the intimations of love and nature, gladly disclose, andwith a ready submission, resign up the soft gateway to the entrance ofpleasure: I see, I feel the delicious velvet tip!. .. He enters me mightand main, with. .. Oh! my pen drops from here in the extasy now presentto my faithful memory! Description too deserts me, and delivers over atask, above its strength of wing, to the imagination: but it must be animagination exalted by such a flame as mine that can do justice to thatsweetest, noblest of all sensations, that hailed and accompaniedthe stiff insinuation all the way up, till it was at the end of itspenetration, sending up, through my eyes, the sparks of the love-firethat ran all over me and blazed in every vein and every pore of me; asystem incarnate of joy all over. 

I had now totally taken in love's true arrow from the point up tothe feather, in that part, where making no new wound, the lips or theoriginal one of nature, which had owed its first breathing to this dearinstrument, clung, as if sensible of gratitude, in eager suction roundit, whilst all its inwards embraced it tenderly, with a warmth of gust, a compressive energy, that gave it, in its way, the heartiest welcomein nature; every fibre there gathering tight round it, and strainingambitiously to come in for its share of the blissful touch. 

As we were giving them a few moments pause to the the delectations ofthe senses, in dwelling with the highest relish on this intimatest pointof re-union, and chewing the cud of enjoyment, the impatience natural tothe pleasure soon drove us into action. Then began the driving tumulton his side, and the responsive heaves on mine, which kept me up tohim; whilst, as our joys grew too great for utterance, the organs ofour voices, voluptuously intermixing, became organs of the touch. .. Howdelicious!. .. How poignantly luscious!. .. And now! now I felt, to theheart of me! I felt the prodigious keen edge, with which love, presidingover this act, points the pleasure: love! that may be styled the Atticsalt of enjoyment; and indeed, without it, the joy, great as it is, is still a vulgar one, whether in a king or a beggar; for it is, undoubtedly, love alone that refines, ennobles, and exalts it. 

Thus, happy, then, by the heart, happy by the senses, it was beyond allpower, even of thought, to form the conception of a greater delight thanwhat I now am consummating the fruition of. 

Charles, whose whole frame was convulsed with the agitation of hisrapture, whilst the tenderest fires trembled in his eyes, all assured meof a perfect concord of joy, penetrated me so profoundly, touched meso vitally, took me so much out of my own possession, whilst he seemedhimself so much in mine, that in a delicious enthusiasm, I imagined sucha transfusion of heart and spirit, as that coalescing, and making onebody and soul with him, I was he, and he me. 

But all this pleasure tending, like life from its first instants, towards its own dissolution, lived too fast not to bring on upon thespur its delicious moment of mortality; for presently the approachof the tender agony discovered itself by its usual signals, that werequickly followed by my dear lover's emanation of himself, that spun out, and shot, feelingly indeed! up the ravished indraught: where the sweetlysoothing balmy titillation opened all the juices of joy on my side, which extatic-ally in flow helped to allay the prurient glow, anddrowned our pleasure for a while. Soon, however, to be on floatagain! for Charles, true to nature's laws, in one breath, expiringand ejaculating, languished not long in the dissolving trance, butrecovering spirit again, soon gave me to feel that the true mettlespring! of his instrument of pleasure, were, by love, and perhaps, by along vacation, wound up too high to be let down by a single explosion:his stiffnesss till stood my friend. Resuming then the action afresh, without dislodging, or giving me the trouble of parting from my sweettenant, we played over again the same opera, with the same harmony andconcert: our ardours, like our love, knew no remission; and all thetide serving my lover, lavish of his stores, and pleasure-milked, heover-flowed me once more from the fulness of his oval reservoirs of thegenial emulsion: whilst, on my side, a convulsive grasp, in theinstant of my giving down the liquid contribution, rendered me sweetlysubservient at once to the increase of joy, and to its effusions:moving me so, as to make me exert all those springs of the compressiveexsuction, with which the sensitive mechanism of that part thirstilydraws and drains the nipple of Love; with much such an instinctiveeagerness and attachment, as to compare great with less, kind natureengages infants at the breasts, by the pleasure they find in the motionof their little mouths and cheeks, to extract the milky stream preparedfor their nourishment. 

But still there was no end of his vigour: this double discharge had sofar from extinguished his desires, for that time, that it had not evencalmed them; and at his age, desires are power. He was proceeding thenamazingly to push it to a third triumph, still without uncasing, if atenderness, natural to true love, had not inspired me with self-denialenough to spare, and not over-strain him: and accordingly, entreatinghim to give himself and me quarter, I obtained, at length, a shortsuspension of arms, but not before he had exult-ingly satisfied me thathe gave out standing. 

The remainder of the night, with what we borrowed upon the day, weemployed with unwearied fervour in celebrating thus the festival of ourremeeting; and got up pretty late in the morning, gay, brisk and alert, though rest had been a stranger to us: but the pleasures of love hadbeen to us, what the joy of victory is to an army: repose, refreshment, every thing. 

The journey into the country being now entirely out of the question, andorders having been given overnight for turning the horses' heads towardsLondon, we left the inn as soon as we had breakfasted, not without aliberal distribution of the tokens of my grateful sense of the happinessI had met with in it. 

Charles and I were in my coach; the captain and my companion in a chaisehired purposely for them, to leave us the conveniency of a tete a tete. 

Here, on the road, as the tumult of my senses was tolerably composed, Ihad command enough of head to break properly to his the course of lifethat the consequences of my separation from him had driven me into:which, at the same time that he tenderly deplored with me, he was theless shocked at; as, on reflecting how he had left me circumstances, hecould not be entirely unprepared for it. 

But when I opened the state of my fortune to him, and with thatsincerity which, from me to him, was so much a nature in me, I begedof him his acceptance of it, on his own terms. I should appear to youperhaps too partial to my passion, were I to attempt the doing hisdelicacy justice, I shall content myself then with assuring you, thatafter his flatly refusing the unreserved, unconditional donation that Ilong persecuted him in vain to accept, it was at length, in obedience tohis serious commands (for I stood out unaffectedly, till he exerted thesovereign authority which love had given him over me), that I yielded myconsent to waive the remonstrance I did not fail of making stronglyto him, against his degrading himself, and incurring the reflection, however unjust, of having, for respects of fortune, bartered his honourfor infamy and prostitution, in making one his wife, who thought herselftoo much honoured in being but his mistress. 

The plea of love then over-ruling all objections, for him, which hecould not but read the sincerity of in a heart ever open to him, obligedme to receive his hand, by which means I was in pass, among otherinnumerable blessings, to bestow a legal parentage on those finechildren you have seen by this happiest of matches. 

Thus, at length, I got snug into port, where, in the bosom of virtue, Igathered the only uncorrupt sweets: where, looking back on the courseof vice I had run, and comparing its infamous blandishments with theinfinitely superior joys of innocence, I could not help pitying, even inpoint of taste, those who, immersed in gross sensuality, are insensibleto the so delicate charms of VIRTUE, than which even PLEASURE has nota greater friend, nor VICE a greater enemy. Thus temperance makes menlords over those pleasures that intemperance enslaves them to: theone, parent of health, vigour fertility cheerfulness, and every otherdesirable good of life; the other, of diseases, debility, barrenness, self-loathing, with only every evil incident to human nature. 

You laugh, perhaps, at this tail-piece of morality, extracted from me bythe force of truth, resulting from compared experiences: you thinkit, no doubt, out of character; possibly too you may look on it as thepaultry finesse of one who seeks to mask a devotee to vice under a ragof a veil, impudently smuggled from the shrine of Virtue: just as if onewas to fancy one's self completely disguised at a masquerade, with noother change of dress than turning one's shoes into slippers; or, as ifa writer should think to shield a treasonable libel, by concluding itwith a formal prayer for the King. But, independent of my flatteringmyself that you have a juster opinion of my sense and sincerity, giveme leave to represent to you, that such a supposition is even moreinjurious to Virtue than to me: since, consistently with candour andgood nature, it san have no foundation but in the falsest of fears, thatits pleasures cannot stand in comparison with those of Vice; but lettruth dare to hold it up in its most alluring light: then mark, howspurious, how low of taste, how comparatively inferior its joys are tothose which Virtue gives sanction to, and whose sentiments are not abovemaking even a sauce for the senses, but a sauce of the highest relish;whilst Vices are the harpies that infect and foul the feast. The pathsof Vice are sometimes strewed with roses, but then they are for everinfamous for many a thorn, for many a cankerworm: those of Virtue arestrewed with roses purely, and those eternally unfading ones. 

If you do me then justice, you will esteem me perfectly consistent inthe incense I burn to Virtue. If I have painted Vice in all its gayestcolours, if I have decked it with flowers, it has been solely in orderto make the worthier, the solemner sacrifice of it to Virtue. 

You know Mr. C*** O***, you know his estate, his worth, and good sense:can you, will you pronounce it ill meant, at least of him, when anxiousfor his son's morals, with a view to form him to virtue, and inspire himwith a fixed, a rational contempt for vice, he condescended to be hismaster of the ceremonies, and led him by the hand through the most notedbawdy-houses in town, where he took care he should be familiarized withall those scenes of debauchery, so fit to nauseate a good taste? Theexperiment, you will cry, is dangerous. True, on a fool: but are foolsworth so much attention. 

I shall see you soon, and in the mean time think candidly of me, andbelieve me ever, MADAM, Yours, etc. , etc. , etc. X X X. 

 THE END