MARIA or The Wrongs of Woman by MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT (1759-1797) After the edition of 1798 ============================================================ Original Etext Editor's Note: In editing the electronic text I have put footnotes at the bottom of the paragraph to which they refer. This sometimes means that I have moved the text of the footnote to maintain proximity to the text to which it refers. Spellings as in the original are retained; only obvious typographical errors have been corrected. ============================================================= CONTENTS Preface by William S. Godwin Author's Preface Maria MARIA or The Wrongs of Woman PREFACE THE PUBLIC are here presented with the last literary attempt of anauthor, whose fame has been uncommonly extensive, and whose talents haveprobably been most admired, by the persons by whom talents are estimatedwith the greatest accuracy and discrimination. There are few, to whomher writings could in any case have given pleasure, that would havewished that this fragment should have been suppressed, because it isa fragment. There is a sentiment, very dear to minds of taste andimagination, that finds a melancholy delight in contemplating theseunfinished productions of genius, these sketches of what, if they hadbeen filled up in a manner adequate to the writer's conception, wouldperhaps have given a new impulse to the manners of a world. The purpose and structure of the following work, had long formed afavourite subject of meditation with its author, and she judged themcapable of producing an important effect. The composition had been inprogress for a period of twelve months. She was anxious to do justiceto her conception, and recommenced and revised the manuscript severaldifferent times. So much of it as is here given to the public, she wasfar from considering as finished, and, in a letter to a friend directlywritten on this subject, she says, "I am perfectly aware that some ofthe incidents ought to be transposed, and heightened by more harmoniousshading; and I wished in some degree to avail myself of criticism, before I began to adjust my events into a story, the outline of whichI had sketched in my mind. "* The only friends to whom the authorcommunicated her manuscript, were Mr. Dyson, the translator of theSorcerer, and the present editor; and it was impossible for the mostinexperienced author to display a stronger desire of profiting by thecensures and sentiments that might be suggested. ** * A more copious extract of this letter is subjoined to the author's preface. ** The part communicated consisted of the first fourteen chapters. In revising these sheets for the press, it was necessary for the editor, in some places, to connect the more finished parts with the pages of anolder copy, and a line or two in addition sometimes appeared requisitefor that purpose. Wherever such a liberty has been taken, the additionalphrases will be found inclosed in brackets; it being the editor's mostearnest desire to intrude nothing of himself into the work, but to giveto the public the words, as well as ideas, of the real author. What follows in the ensuing pages, is not a preface regularly drawnout by the author, but merely hints for a preface, which, though neverfilled up in the manner the writer intended, appeared to be worthpreserving. W. GODWIN. AUTHOR'S PREFACE THE WRONGS OF WOMAN, like the wrongs of the oppressed part of mankind, may be deemed necessary by their oppressors: but surely there are a few, who will dare to advance before the improvement of the age, and grantthat my sketches are not the abortion of a distempered fancy, or thestrong delineations of a wounded heart. In writing this novel, I have rather endeavoured to pourtray passionsthan manners. In many instances I could have made the incidents more dramatic, would Ihave sacrificed my main object, the desire of exhibiting the misery andoppression, peculiar to women, that arise out of the partial laws andcustoms of society. In the invention of the story, this view restrained my fancy; andthe history ought rather to be considered, as of woman, than of anindividual. The sentiments I have embodied. In many works of this species, the hero is allowed to be mortal, andto become wise and virtuous as well as happy, by a train of events andcircumstances. The heroines, on the contrary, are to be born immaculate, and to act like goddesses of wisdom, just come forth highly finishedMinervas from the head of Jove. [The following is an extract of a letter from the author to a friend, towhom she communicated her manuscript. ] For my part, I cannot suppose any situation more distressing, than for awoman of sensibility, with an improving mind, to be bound to such a manas I have described for life; obliged to renounce all the humanizingaffections, and to avoid cultivating her taste, lest her perception ofgrace and refinement of sentiment, should sharpen to agony the pangs ofdisappointment. Love, in which the imagination mingles its bewitchingcolouring, must be fostered by delicacy. I should despise, or rathercall her an ordinary woman, who could endure such a husband as I havesketched. These appear to me (matrimonial despotism of heart and conduct) to bethe peculiar Wrongs of Woman, because they degrade the mind. What aretermed great misfortunes, may more forcibly impress the mind of commonreaders; they have more of what may justly be termed stage-effect;but it is the delineation of finer sensations, which, in my opinion, constitutes the merit of our best novels. This is what I have inview; and to show the wrongs of different classes of women, equallyoppressive, though, from the difference of education, necessarilyvarious. CHAPTER 1 ABODES OF HORROR have frequently been described, and castles, filledwith spectres and chimeras, conjured up by the magic spell of geniusto harrow the soul, and absorb the wondering mind. But, formed of suchstuff as dreams are made of, what were they to the mansion of despair, in one corner of which Maria sat, endeavouring to recall her scatteredthoughts! Surprise, astonishment, that bordered on distraction, seemed to havesuspended her faculties, till, waking by degrees to a keen sense ofanguish, a whirlwind of rage and indignation roused her torpid pulse. One recollection with frightful velocity following another, threatenedto fire her brain, and make her a fit companion for the terrificinhabitants, whose groans and shrieks were no unsubstantial sounds ofwhistling winds, or startled birds, modulated by a romantic fancy, whichamuse while they affright; but such tones of misery as carry a dreadfulcertainty directly to the heart. What effect must they then haveproduced on one, true to the touch of sympathy, and tortured by maternalapprehension! Her infant's image was continually floating on Maria's sight, and thefirst smile of intelligence remembered, as none but a mother, an unhappymother, can conceive. She heard her half speaking half cooing, and feltthe little twinkling fingers on her burning bosom--a bosom burstingwith the nutriment for which this cherished child might now be piningin vain. From a stranger she could indeed receive the maternal aliment, Maria was grieved at the thought--but who would watch her with amother's tenderness, a mother's self-denial? The retreating shadows of former sorrows rushed back in a gloomy train, and seemed to be pictured on the walls of her prison, magnified bythe state of mind in which they were viewed--Still she mourned for herchild, lamented she was a daughter, and anticipated the aggravated illsof life that her sex rendered almost inevitable, even while dreading shewas no more. To think that she was blotted out of existence was agony, when the imagination had been long employed to expand her faculties;yet to suppose her turned adrift on an unknown sea, was scarcely lessafflicting. After being two days the prey of impetuous, varying emotions, Mariabegan to reflect more calmly on her present situation, for she hadactually been rendered incapable of sober reflection, by the discoveryof the act of atrocity of which she was the victim. She could nothave imagined, that, in all the fermentation of civilized depravity, asimilar plot could have entered a human mind. She had been stunned byan unexpected blow; yet life, however joyless, was not to be indolentlyresigned, or misery endured without exertion, and proudly termedpatience. She had hitherto meditated only to point the dart of anguish, and suppressed the heart heavings of indignant nature merely by theforce of contempt. Now she endeavoured to brace her mind to fortitude, and to ask herself what was to be her employment in her dreary cell? Wasit not to effect her escape, to fly to the succour of her child, and tobaffle the selfish schemes of her tyrant--her husband? These thoughts roused her sleeping spirit, and the self-possessionreturned, that seemed to have abandoned her in the infernal solitudeinto which she had been precipitated. The first emotions of overwhelmingimpatience began to subside, and resentment gave place to tenderness, and more tranquil meditation; though anger once more stopt the calmcurrent of reflection when she attempted to move her manacled arms. Butthis was an outrage that could only excite momentary feelings of scorn, which evaporated in a faint smile; for Maria was far from thinkinga personal insult the most difficult to endure with magnanimousindifference. She approached the small grated window of her chamber, and for aconsiderable time only regarded the blue expanse; though it commandeda view of a desolate garden, and of part of a huge pile of buildings, that, after having been suffered, for half a century, to fall to decay, had undergone some clumsy repairs, merely to render it habitable. Theivy had been torn off the turrets, and the stones not wanted to patch upthe breaches of time, and exclude the warring elements, left in heapsin the disordered court. Maria contemplated this scene she knew not howlong; or rather gazed on the walls, and pondered on her situation. To the master of this most horrid of prisons, she had, soon after herentrance, raved of injustice, in accents that would have justified histreatment, had not a malignant smile, when she appealed to his judgment, with a dreadful conviction stifled her remonstrating complaints. Byforce, or openly, what could be done? But surely some expedient mightoccur to an active mind, without any other employment, and possessed ofsufficient resolution to put the risk of life into the balance with thechance of freedom. A woman entered in the midst of these reflections, with a firm, deliberate step, strongly marked features, and large black eyes, whichshe fixed steadily on Maria's, as if she designed to intimidate her, saying at the same time "You had better sit down and eat your dinner, than look at the clouds. " "I have no appetite, " replied Maria, who had previously determined tospeak mildly; "why then should I eat?" "But, in spite of that, you must and shall eat something. I have hadmany ladies under my care, who have resolved to starve themselves;but, soon or late, they gave up their intent, as they recovered theirsenses. " "Do you really think me mad?" asked Maria, meeting the searching glanceof her eye. "Not just now. But what does that prove?--Only that you must be the morecarefully watched, for appearing at times so reasonable. You havenot touched a morsel since you entered the house. "--Maria sighedintelligibly. --"Could any thing but madness produce such a disgust forfood?" "Yes, grief; you would not ask the question if you knew what it was. "The attendant shook her head; and a ghastly smile of desperate fortitudeserved as a forcible reply, and made Maria pause, before she added--"YetI will take some refreshment: I mean not to die. --No; I will preservemy senses; and convince even you, sooner than you are aware of, that myintellects have never been disturbed, though the exertion of them mayhave been suspended by some infernal drug. " Doubt gathered still thicker on the brow of her guard, as she attemptedto convict her of mistake. "Have patience!" exclaimed Maria, with a solemnity that inspired awe. "My God! how have I been schooled into the practice!" A suffocation ofvoice betrayed the agonizing emotions she was labouring to keep down;and conquering a qualm of disgust, she calmly endeavoured to eat enoughto prove her docility, perpetually turning to the suspicious female, whose observation she courted, while she was making the bed andadjusting the room. "Come to me often, " said Maria, with a tone of persuasion, inconsequence of a vague plan that she had hastily adopted, when, aftersurveying this woman's form and features, she felt convinced that shehad an understanding above the common standard, "and believe me mad, till you are obliged to acknowledge the contrary. " The woman was nofool, that is, she was superior to her class; nor had misery quitepetrified the life's-blood of humanity, to which reflections on our ownmisfortunes only give a more orderly course. The manner, rather than theexpostulations, of Maria made a slight suspicion dart into her mind withcorresponding sympathy, which various other avocations, and the habitof banishing compunction, prevented her, for the present, from examiningmore minutely. But when she was told that no person, excepting the physician appointedby her family, was to be permitted to see the lady at the end of thegallery, she opened her keen eyes still wider, and uttered a--"hem!"before she enquired--"Why?" She was briefly told, in reply, that themalady was hereditary, and the fits not occurring but at very long andirregular intervals, she must be carefully watched; for the lengthof these lucid periods only rendered her more mischievous, when anyvexation or caprice brought on the paroxysm of phrensy. Had her master trusted her, it is probable that neither pity norcuriosity would have made her swerve from the straight line of herinterest; for she had suffered too much in her intercourse withmankind, not to determine to look for support, rather to humouringtheir passions, than courting their approbation by the integrity of herconduct. A deadly blight had met her at the very threshold of existence;and the wretchedness of her mother seemed a heavy weight fastened on herinnocent neck, to drag her down to perdition. She could not heroicallydetermine to succour an unfortunate; but, offended at the baresupposition that she could be deceived with the same ease as a commonservant, she no longer curbed her curiosity; and, though she neverseriously fathomed her own intentions, she would sit, every moment shecould steal from observation, listening to the tale, which Maria waseager to relate with all the persuasive eloquence of grief. It is so cheering to see a human face, even if little of the divinityof virtue beam in it, that Maria anxiously expected the return ofthe attendant, as of a gleam of light to break the gloom of idleness. Indulged sorrow, she perceived, must blunt or sharpen the faculties tothe two opposite extremes; producing stupidity, the moping melancholy ofindolence; or the restless activity of a disturbed imagination. Shesunk into one state, after being fatigued by the other: till the wantof occupation became even more painful than the actual pressure orapprehension of sorrow; and the confinement that froze her into anook of existence, with an unvaried prospect before her, the mostinsupportable of evils. The lamp of life seemed to be spending itselfto chase the vapours of a dungeon which no art could dissipate. --Andto what purpose did she rally all her energy?--Was not the world a vastprison, and women born slaves? Though she failed immediately to rouse a lively sense of injusticein the mind of her guard, because it had been sophisticated intomisanthropy, she touched her heart. Jemima (she had only a claim to aChristian name, which had not procured her any Christian privileges)could patiently hear of Maria's confinement on false pretences; she hadfelt the crushing hand of power, hardened by the exercise of injustice, and ceased to wonder at the perversions of the understanding, whichsystematize oppression; but, when told that her child, only fourmonths old, had been torn from her, even while she was discharging thetenderest maternal office, the woman awoke in a bosom long estrangedfrom feminine emotions, and Jemima determined to alleviate all in herpower, without hazarding the loss of her place, the sufferings of awretched mother, apparently injured, and certainly unhappy. A sense ofright seems to result from the simplest act of reason, and to presideover the faculties of the mind, like the master-sense of feeling, torectify the rest; but (for the comparison may be carried still farther)how often is the exquisite sensibility of both weakened or destroyed bythe vulgar occupations, and ignoble pleasures of life? The preserving her situation was, indeed, an important object to Jemima, who had been hunted from hole to hole, as if she had been a beast ofprey, or infected with a moral plague. The wages she received, thegreater part of which she hoarded, as her only chance for independence, were much more considerable than she could reckon on obtaining anywhere else, were it possible that she, an outcast from society, couldbe permitted to earn a subsistence in a reputable family. Hearing Mariaperpetually complain of listlessness, and the not being able to beguilegrief by resuming her customary pursuits, she was easily prevailed on, by compassion, and that involuntary respect for abilities, which thosewho possess them can never eradicate, to bring her some books andimplements for writing. Maria's conversation had amused and interestedher, and the natural consequence was a desire, scarcely observedby herself, of obtaining the esteem of a person she admired. Theremembrance of better days was rendered more lively; and the sentimentsthen acquired appearing less romantic than they had for a long period, aspark of hope roused her mind to new activity. How grateful was her attention to Maria! Oppressed by a dead weight ofexistence, or preyed on by the gnawing worm of discontent, with whateagerness did she endeavour to shorten the long days, which left notraces behind! She seemed to be sailing on the vast ocean of life, without seeing any land-mark to indicate the progress of time; to findemployment was then to find variety, the animating principle of nature. CHAPTER 2 EARNESTLY as Maria endeavoured to soothe, by reading, the anguish of herwounded mind, her thoughts would often wander from the subject she wasled to discuss, and tears of maternal tenderness obscured the reasoningpage. She descanted on "the ills which flesh is heir to, " withbitterness, when the recollection of her babe was revived by a taleof fictitious woe, that bore any resemblance to her own; and herimagination was continually employed, to conjure up and embody thevarious phantoms of misery, which folly and vice had let loose on theworld. The loss of her babe was the tender string; against other cruelremembrances she laboured to steel her bosom; and even a ray of hope, in the midst of her gloomy reveries, would sometimes gleam on the darkhorizon of futurity, while persuading herself that she ought to ceaseto hope, since happiness was no where to be found. --But of her child, debilitated by the grief with which its mother had been assailed beforeit saw the light, she could not think without an impatient struggle. "I, alone, by my active tenderness, could have saved, " she wouldexclaim, "from an early blight, this sweet blossom; and, cherishing it, I should have had something still to love. " In proportion as other expectations were torn from her, this tender onehad been fondly clung to, and knit into her heart. The books she had obtained, were soon devoured, by one who had noother resource to escape from sorrow, and the feverish dreams ofideal wretchedness or felicity, which equally weaken the intoxicatedsensibility. Writing was then the only alternative, and she wrote somerhapsodies descriptive of the state of her mind; but the events of herpast life pressing on her, she resolved circumstantially to relate them, with the sentiments that experience, and more matured reason, wouldnaturally suggest. They might perhaps instruct her daughter, and shieldher from the misery, the tyranny, her mother knew not how to avoid. This thought gave life to her diction, her soul flowed into it, and shesoon found the task of recollecting almost obliterated impressionsvery interesting. She lived again in the revived emotions of youth, and forgot her present in the retrospect of sorrows that had assumed anunalterable character. Though this employment lightened the weight of time, yet, never losingsight of her main object, Maria did not allow any opportunity to slipof winning on the affections of Jemima; for she discovered in her astrength of mind, that excited her esteem, clouded as it was by themisanthropy of despair. An insulated being, from the misfortune of her birth, she despised andpreyed on the society by which she had been oppressed, and loved not herfellow-creatures, because she had never been beloved. No mother had everfondled her, no father or brother had protected her from outrage; andthe man who had plunged her into infamy, and deserted her when she stoodin greatest need of support, deigned not to smooth with kindness theroad to ruin. Thus degraded, was she let loose on the world; andvirtue, never nurtured by affection, assumed the stern aspect of selfishindependence. This general view of her life, Maria gathered from her exclamations anddry remarks. Jemima indeed displayed a strange mixture of interestand suspicion; for she would listen to her with earnestness, and thensuddenly interrupt the conversation, as if afraid of resigning, bygiving way to her sympathy, her dear-bought knowledge of the world. Maria alluded to the possibility of an escape, and mentioned acompensation, or reward; but the style in which she was repulsed madeher cautious, and determine not to renew the subject, till she knewmore of the character she had to work on. Jemima's countenance, anddark hints, seemed to say, "You are an extraordinary woman; but let meconsider, this may only be one of your lucid intervals. " Nay, the veryenergy of Maria's character, made her suspect that the extraordinaryanimation she perceived might be the effect of madness. "Should herhusband then substantiate his charge, and get possession of her estate, from whence would come the promised annuity, or more desired protection?Besides, might not a woman, anxious to escape, conceal some of thecircumstances which made against her? Was truth to be expected from onewho had been entrapped, kidnapped, in the most fraudulent manner?" In this train Jemima continued to argue, the moment after compassionand respect seemed to make her swerve; and she still resolved not to bewrought on to do more than soften the rigour of confinement, till shecould advance on surer ground. Maria was not permitted to walk in the garden; but sometimes, from herwindow, she turned her eyes from the gloomy walls, in which she pinedlife away, on the poor wretches who strayed along the walks, andcontemplated the most terrific of ruins--that of a human soul. Whatis the view of the fallen column, the mouldering arch, of the mostexquisite workmanship, when compared with this living memento of thefragility, the instability, of reason, and the wild luxuriancy ofnoxious passions? Enthusiasm turned adrift, like some rich streamoverflowing its banks, rushes forward with destructive velocity, inspiring a sublime concentration of thought. Thus thought Maria--Theseare the ravages over which humanity must ever mournfully ponder, with adegree of anguish not excited by crumbling marble, or cankering brass, unfaithful to the trust of monumental fame. It is not over the decayingproductions of the mind, embodied with the happiest art, we grieve mostbitterly. The view of what has been done by man, produces a melancholy, yet aggrandizing, sense of what remains to be achieved by humanintellect; but a mental convulsion, which, like the devastation of anearthquake, throws all the elements of thought and imagination intoconfusion, makes contemplation giddy, and we fearfully ask on whatground we ourselves stand. Melancholy and imbecility marked the features of the wretches allowed tobreathe at large; for the frantic, those who in a strong imaginationhad lost a sense of woe, were closely confined. The playful tricks andmischievous devices of their disturbed fancy, that suddenly broke out, could not be guarded against, when they were permitted to enjoy anyportion of freedom; for, so active was their imagination, that every newobject which accidentally struck their senses, awoke to phrenzy theirrestless passions; as Maria learned from the burden of their incessantravings. Sometimes, with a strict injunction of silence, Jemima would allowMaria, at the close of evening, to stray along the narrow avenues thatseparated the dungeon-like apartments, leaning on her arm. What a changeof scene! Maria wished to pass the threshold of her prison, yet, whenby chance she met the eye of rage glaring on her, yet unfaithful to itsoffice, she shrunk back with more horror and affright, than if she hadstumbled over a mangled corpse. Her busy fancy pictured the misery ofa fond heart, watching over a friend thus estranged, absent, thoughpresent--over a poor wretch lost to reason and the social joys ofexistence; and losing all consciousness of misery in its excess. Whata task, to watch the light of reason quivering in the eye, or withagonizing expectation to catch the beam of recollection; tantalized byhope, only to feel despair more keenly, at finding a much loved faceor voice, suddenly remembered, or pathetically implored, only to beimmediately forgotten, or viewed with indifference or abhorrence! The heart-rending sigh of melancholy sunk into her soul; and when sheretired to rest, the petrified figures she had encountered, the onlyhuman forms she was doomed to observe, haunting her dreams with tales ofmysterious wrongs, made her wish to sleep to dream no more. Day after day rolled away, and tedious as the present moment appeared, they passed in such an unvaried tenor, Maria was surprised to find thatshe had already been six weeks buried alive, and yet had such fainthopes of effecting her enlargement. She was, earnestly as she had soughtfor employment, now angry with herself for having been amused by writingher narrative; and grieved to think that she had for an instant thoughtof any thing, but contriving to escape. Jemima had evidently pleasure in her society: still, though she oftenleft her with a glow of kindness, she returned with the same chillingair; and, when her heart appeared for a moment to open, some suggestionof reason forcibly closed it, before she could give utterance to theconfidence Maria's conversation inspired. Discouraged by these changes, Maria relapsed into despondency, when shewas cheered by the alacrity with which Jemima brought her a fresh parcelof books; assuring her, that she had taken some pains to obtain themfrom one of the keepers, who attended a gentleman confined in theopposite corner of the gallery. Maria took up the books with emotion. "They come, " said she, "perhaps, from a wretch condemned, like me, to reason on the nature of madness, by having wrecked minds continually under his eye; and almost to wishhimself--as I do--mad, to escape from the contemplation of it. " Herheart throbbed with sympathetic alarm; and she turned over the leaveswith awe, as if they had become sacred from passing through the hands ofan unfortunate being, oppressed by a similar fate. Dryden's Fables, Milton's Paradise Lost, with several modernproductions, composed the collection. It was a mine of treasure. Somemarginal notes, in Dryden's Fables, caught her attention: they werewritten with force and taste; and, in one of the modern pamphlets, therewas a fragment left, containing various observations on the presentstate of society and government, with a comparative view of the politicsof Europe and America. These remarks were written with a degree ofgenerous warmth, when alluding to the enslaved state of the labouringmajority, perfectly in unison with Maria's mode of thinking. She read them over and over again; and fancy, treacherous fancy, beganto sketch a character, congenial with her own, from these shadowyoutlines. --"Was he mad?" She reperused the marginal notes, andthey seemed the production of an animated, but not of a disturbedimagination. Confined to this speculation, every time she re-read them, some fresh refinement of sentiment, or acuteness of thought impressedher, which she was astonished at herself for not having before observed. What a creative power has an affectionate heart! There are beings whocannot live without loving, as poets love; and who feel the electricspark of genius, wherever it awakens sentiment or grace. Maria had oftenthought, when disciplining her wayward heart, "that to charm, was to bevirtuous. " "They who make me wish to appear the most amiable and goodin their eyes, must possess in a degree, " she would exclaim, "the gracesand virtues they call into action. " She took up a book on the powers of the human mind; but, her attentionstrayed from cold arguments on the nature of what she felt, while shewas feeling, and she snapt the chain of the theory to read Dryden'sGuiscard and Sigismunda. Maria, in the course of the ensuing day, returned some of the books, with the hope of getting others--and more marginal notes. Thus shut outfrom human intercourse, and compelled to view nothing but the prison ofvexed spirits, to meet a wretch in the same situation, was more surelyto find a friend, than to imagine a countryman one, in a strange land, where the human voice conveys no information to the eager ear. "Did you ever see the unfortunate being to whom these books belong?"asked Maria, when Jemima brought her slipper. "Yes. He sometimeswalks out, between five and six, before the family is stirring, in themorning, with two keepers; but even then his hands are confined. " "What! is he so unruly?" enquired Maria, with an accent ofdisappointment. "No, not that I perceive, " replied Jemima; "but he has an untamed look, a vehemence of eye, that excites apprehension. Were his hands free, he looks as if he could soon manage both his guards: yet he appearstranquil. " "If he be so strong, he must be young, " observed Maria. "Three or four and thirty, I suppose; but there is no judging of aperson in his situation. " "Are you sure that he is mad?" interrupted Maria with eagerness. Jemimaquitted the room, without replying. "No, no, he certainly is not!" exclaimed Maria, answering herself;"the man who could write those observations was not disordered in hisintellects. " She sat musing, gazing at the moon, and watching its motion as it seemedto glide under the clouds. Then, preparing for bed, she thought, "Ofwhat use could I be to him, or he to me, if it be true that he isunjustly confined?--Could he aid me to escape, who is himself moreclosely watched?--Still I should like to see him. " She went to bed, dreamed of her child, yet woke exactly at half after five o'clock, andstarting up, only wrapped a gown around her, and ran to the window. Themorning was chill, it was the latter end of September; yet she did notretire to warm herself and think in bed, till the sound of the servants, moving about the house, convinced her that the unknown would not walkin the garden that morning. She was ashamed at feeling disappointed; andbegan to reflect, as an excuse to herself, on the little objects whichattract attention when there is nothing to divert the mind; and howdifficult it was for women to avoid growing romantic, who have no activeduties or pursuits. At breakfast, Jemima enquired whether she understood French? for, unlessshe did, the stranger's stock of books was exhausted. Maria replied inthe affirmative; but forbore to ask any more questions respecting theperson to whom they belonged. And Jemima gave her a new subject forcontemplation, by describing the person of a lovely maniac, just broughtinto an adjoining chamber. She was singing the pathetic ballad ofold Rob* with the most heart-melting falls and pauses. Jemima hadhalf-opened the door, when she distinguished her voice, and Maria stoodclose to it, scarcely daring to respire, lest a modulation should escapeher, so exquisitely sweet, so passionately wild. She began with sympathyto pourtray to herself another victim, when the lovely warbler flew, asit were, from the spray, and a torrent of unconnected exclamations andquestions burst from her, interrupted by fits of laughter, sohorrid, that Maria shut the door, and, turning her eyes up to heaven, exclaimed--"Gracious God!" * A blank space about ten characters in length occurs here in the original edition [Publisher's note]. Several minutes elapsed before Maria could enquire respecting the rumourof the house (for this poor wretch was obviously not confined without acause); and then Jemima could only tell her, that it was said, "shehad been married, against her inclination, to a rich old man, extremelyjealous (no wonder, for she was a charming creature); and that, inconsequence of his treatment, or something which hung on her mind, shehad, during her first lying-in, lost her senses. " What a subject of meditation--even to the very confines of madness. "Woman, fragile flower! why were you suffered to adorn a world exposedto the inroad of such stormy elements?" thought Maria, while the poormaniac's strain was still breathing on her ear, and sinking into hervery soul. Towards the evening, Jemima brought her Rousseau's Heloise; and she satreading with eyes and heart, till the return of her guard to extinguishthe light. One instance of her kindness was, the permitting Maria tohave one, till her own hour of retiring to rest. She had read this worklong since; but now it seemed to open a new world to her--the onlyone worth inhabiting. Sleep was not to be wooed; yet, far from beingfatigued by the restless rotation of thought, she rose and opened herwindow, just as the thin watery clouds of twilight made the longsilent shadows visible. The air swept across her face with a voluptuousfreshness that thrilled to her heart, awakening indefinable emotions;and the sound of a waving branch, or the twittering of a startled bird, alone broke the stillness of reposing nature. Absorbed by the sublimesensibility which renders the consciousness of existence felicity, Mariawas happy, till an autumnal scent, wafted by the breeze of morn from thefallen leaves of the adjacent wood, made her recollect that the seasonhad changed since her confinement; yet life afforded no variety tosolace an afflicted heart. She returned dispirited to her couch, andthought of her child till the broad glare of day again invited her tothe window. She looked not for the unknown, still how great was hervexation at perceiving the back of a man, certainly he, with his twoattendants, as he turned into a side-path which led to the house!A confused recollection of having seen somebody who resembledhim, immediately occurred, to puzzle and torment her with endlessconjectures. Five minutes sooner, and she should have seen his face, andbeen out of suspense--was ever any thing so unlucky! His steady, boldstep, and the whole air of his person, bursting as it were from acloud, pleased her, and gave an outline to the imagination to sketch theindividual form she wished to recognize. Feeling the disappointment more severely than she was willing tobelieve, she flew to Rousseau, as her only refuge from the idea of him, who might prove a friend, could she but find a way to interest him inher fate; still the personification of Saint Preux, or of an ideal loverfar superior, was after this imperfect model, of which merely a glancehad been caught, even to the minutiae of the coat and hat of thestranger. But if she lent St. Preux, or the demi-god of her fancy, his form, she richly repaid him by the donation of all St. Preux'ssentiments and feelings, culled to gratify her own, to which heseemed to have an undoubted right, when she read on the margin of animpassioned letter, written in the well-known hand--"Rousseau alone, thetrue Prometheus of sentiment, possessed the fire of genius necessary topourtray the passion, the truth of which goes so directly to the heart. " Maria was again true to the hour, yet had finished Rousseau, and begunto transcribe some selected passages; unable to quit either the authoror the window, before she had a glimpse of the countenance she dailylonged to see; and, when seen, it conveyed no distinct idea to hermind where she had seen it before. He must have been a transientacquaintance; but to discover an acquaintance was fortunate, could shecontrive to attract his attention, and excite his sympathy. Every glance afforded colouring for the picture she was delineating onher heart; and once, when the window was half open, the sound of hisvoice reached her. Conviction flashed on her; she had certainly, ina moment of distress, heard the same accents. They were manly, andcharacteristic of a noble mind; nay, even sweet--or sweet they seemed toher attentive ear. She started back, trembling, alarmed at the emotion a strangecoincidence of circumstances inspired, and wondering why she thought somuch of a stranger, obliged as she had been by his timely interference;[for she recollected, by degrees all the circumstances of their formermeeting. ] She found however that she could think of nothing else; or, ifshe thought of her daughter, it was to wish that she had a father whomher mother could respect and love. CHAPTER 3 WHEN PERUSING the first parcel of books, Maria had, with her pencil, written in one of them a few exclamations, expressive of compassion andsympathy, which she scarcely remembered, till turning over the leaves ofone of the volumes, lately brought to her, a slip of paper dropped out, which Jemima hastily snatched up. "Let me see it, " demanded Maria impatiently, "You surely are not afraidof trusting me with the effusions of a madman?" "I must consider, "replied Jemima; and withdrew, with the paper in her hand. In a life of such seclusion, the passions gain undue force; Mariatherefore felt a great degree of resentment and vexation, which she hadnot time to subdue, before Jemima, returning, delivered the paper. "Whoever you are, who partake of my fate, accept my sincere commiseration--I would have said protection; but the privilege of man is denied me. "My own situation forces a dreadful suspicion on my mind--I may not always languish in vain for freedom-- say are you--I cannot ask the question; yet I will remember you when my remembrance can be of any use. I will enquire, why you are so mysteriously detained-- and I will have an answer. "HENRY DARNFORD. " By the most pressing intreaties, Maria prevailed on Jemima to permit herto write a reply to this note. Another and another succeeded, in whichexplanations were not allowed relative to their present situation; butMaria, with sufficient explicitness, alluded to a former obligation;and they insensibly entered on an interchange of sentiments on the mostimportant subjects. To write these letters was the business of the day, and to receive them the moment of sunshine. By some means, Darnfordhaving discovered Maria's window, when she next appeared at it, he madeher, behind his keepers, a profound bow of respect and recognition. Two or three weeks glided away in this kind of intercourse, duringwhich period Jemima, to whom Maria had given the necessary informationrespecting her family, had evidently gained some intelligence, whichincreased her desire of pleasing her charge, though she could not yetdetermine to liberate her. Maria took advantage of this favourablecharge, without too minutely enquiring into the cause; and such was hereagerness to hold human converse, and to see her former protector, stilla stranger to her, that she incessantly requested her guard to gratifyher more than curiosity. Writing to Darnford, she was led from the sad objects before her, andfrequently rendered insensible to the horrid noises around her, whichpreviously had continually employed her feverish fancy. Thinking itselfish to dwell on her own sufferings, when in the midst of wretches, who had not only lost all that endears life, but their very selves, herimagination was occupied with melancholy earnestness to trace the mazesof misery, through which so many wretches must have passed to thisgloomy receptacle of disjointed souls, to the grand source of humancorruption. Often at midnight was she waked by the dismal shrieks ofdemoniac rage, or of excruciating despair, uttered in such wild tones ofindescribable anguish as proved the total absence of reason, and rousedphantoms of horror in her mind, far more terrific than all that dreamingsuperstition ever drew. Besides, there was frequently something soinconceivably picturesque in the varying gestures of unrestrainedpassion, so irresistibly comic in their sallies, or so heart-piercinglypathetic in the little airs they would sing, frequently bursting outafter an awful silence, as to fascinate the attention, and amuse thefancy, while torturing the soul. It was the uproar of the passions whichshe was compelled to observe; and to mark the lucid beam of reason, like a light trembling in a socket, or like the flash which divides thethreatening clouds of angry heaven only to display the horrors whichdarkness shrouded. Jemima would labour to beguile the tedious evenings, by describing thepersons and manners of the unfortunate beings, whose figures or voicesawoke sympathetic sorrow in Maria's bosom; and the stories she toldwere the more interesting, for perpetually leaving room to conjecturesomething extraordinary. Still Maria, accustomed to generalize herobservations, was led to conclude from all she heard, that it was avulgar error to suppose that people of abilities were the most apt tolose the command of reason. On the contrary, from most of the instancesshe could investigate, she thought it resulted, that the passions onlyappeared strong and disproportioned, because the judgment was weak andunexercised; and that they gained strength by the decay of reason, asthe shadows lengthen during the sun's decline. Maria impatiently wished to see her fellow-sufferer; but Darnford wasstill more earnest to obtain an interview. Accustomed to submit to everyimpulse of passion, and never taught, like women, to restrain the mostnatural, and acquire, instead of the bewitching frankness of nature, afactitious propriety of behaviour, every desire became a torrent thatbore down all opposition. His travelling trunk, which contained the books lent to Maria, had beensent to him, and with a part of its contents he bribed his principalkeeper; who, after receiving the most solemn promise that he wouldreturn to his apartment without attempting to explore any part of thehouse, conducted him, in the dusk of the evening, to Maria's room. Jemima had apprized her charge of the visit, and she expected withtrembling impatience, inspired by a vague hope that he might again proveher deliverer, to see a man who had before rescued her from oppression. He entered with an animation of countenance, formed to captivate anenthusiast; and, hastily turned his eyes from her to the apartment, which he surveyed with apparent emotions of compassionate indignation. Sympathy illuminated his eye, and, taking her hand, he respectfullybowed on it, exclaiming--"This is extraordinary!--again to meet you, and in such circumstances!" Still, impressive as was the coincidence ofevents which brought them once more together, their full hearts did notoverflow. --* * The copy which had received the author's last corrections breaks off in this place, and the pages which follow, to the end of Chap. IV, are printed from a copy in a less finished state. [Godwin's note] [And though, after this first visit, they were permitted frequently torepeat their interviews, they were for some time employed in] a reservedconversation, to which all the world might have listened; excepting, when discussing some literary subject, flashes of sentiment, inforcedby each relaxing feature, seemed to remind them that their minds werealready acquainted. [By degrees, Darnford entered into the particulars of his story. ] In afew words, he informed her that he had been a thoughtless, extravagantyoung man; yet, as he described his faults, they appeared to be thegenerous luxuriancy of a noble mind. Nothing like meanness tarnishedthe lustre of his youth, nor had the worm of selfishness lurked in theunfolding bud, even while he had been the dupe of others. Yet hetardily acquired the experience necessary to guard him against futureimposition. "I shall weary you, " continued he, "by my egotism; and did not powerfulemotions draw me to you, "--his eyes glistened as he spoke, and atrembling seemed to run through his manly frame, --"I would not wastethese precious moments in talking of myself. "My father and mother were people of fashion; married by their parents. He was fond of the turf, she of the card-table. I, and two or threeother children since dead, were kept at home till we became intolerable. My father and mother had a visible dislike to each other, continuallydisplayed; the servants were of the depraved kind usually found in thehouses of people of fortune. My brothers and parents all dying, I wasleft to the care of guardians; and sent to Eton. I never knew the sweetsof domestic affection, but I felt the want of indulgence and frivolousrespect at school. I will not disgust you with a recital of the vices ofmy youth, which can scarcely be comprehended by female delicacy. I wastaught to love by a creature I am ashamed to mention; and the otherwomen with whom I afterwards became intimate, were of a class of whichyou can have no knowledge. I formed my acquaintance with them at thetheaters; and, when vivacity danced in their eyes, I was not easilydisgusted by the vulgarity which flowed from their lips. Having spent, a few years after I was of age, [the whole of] a considerable patrimony, excepting a few hundreds, I had no resource but to purchase a commissionin a new-raised regiment, destined to subjugate America. The regretI felt to renounce a life of pleasure, was counter-balanced by thecuriosity I had to see America, or rather to travel; [nor had anyof those circumstances occurred to my youth, which might have beencalculated] to bind my country to my heart. I shall not trouble you withthe details of a military life. My blood was still kept in motion; till, towards the close of the contest, I was wounded and taken prisoner. "Confined to my bed, or chair, by a lingering cure, my only refuge fromthe preying activity of my mind, was books, which I read with greatavidity, profiting by the conversation of my host, a man of soundunderstanding. My political sentiments now underwent a total change;and, dazzled by the hospitality of the Americans, I determined to takeup my abode with freedom. I, therefore, with my usual impetuosity, soldmy commission, and travelled into the interior parts of the country, tolay out my money to advantage. Added to this, I did not much like thepuritanical manners of the large towns. Inequality of condition wasthere most disgustingly galling. The only pleasure wealth afforded, wasto make an ostentatious display of it; for the cultivation of the finearts, or literature, had not introduced into the first circles thatpolish of manners which renders the rich so essentially superior to thepoor in Europe. Added to this, an influx of vices had been let in bythe Revolution, and the most rigid principles of religion shaken to thecentre, before the understanding could be gradually emancipated from theprejudices which led their ancestors undauntedly to seek an inhospitableclime and unbroken soil. The resolution, that led them, in pursuitof independence, to embark on rivers like seas, to search for unknownshores, and to sleep under the hovering mists of endless forests, whose baleful damps agued their limbs, was now turned into commercialspeculations, till the national character exhibited a phenomenon in thehistory of the human mind--a head enthusiastically enterprising, with cold selfishness of heart. And woman, lovely woman!--they charmeverywhere--still there is a degree of prudery, and a want of taste andease in the manners of the American women, that renders them, in spiteof their roses and lilies, far inferior to our European charmers. In thecountry, they have often a bewitching simplicity of character; but, inthe cities, they have all the airs and ignorance of the ladies who givethe tone to the circles of the large trading towns in England. They arefond of their ornaments, merely because they are good, and not becausethey embellish their persons; and are more gratified to inspire thewomen with jealousy of these exterior advantages, than the men withlove. All the frivolity which often (excuse me, Madam) renders thesociety of modest women so stupid in England, here seemed to throw stillmore leaden fetters on their charms. Not being an adept in gallantry, I found that I could only keep myself awake in their company by makingdownright love to them. "But, not to intrude on your patience, I retired to the track of landwhich I had purchased in the country, and my time passed pleasantlyenough while I cut down the trees, built my house, and planted mydifferent crops. But winter and idleness came, and I longed for moreelegant society, to hear what was passing in the world, and to dosomething better than vegetate with the animals that made a veryconsiderable part of my household. Consequently, I determined to travel. Motion was a substitute for variety of objects; and, passing overimmense tracks of country, I exhausted my exuberant spirits, withoutobtaining much experience. I every where saw industry the fore-runnerand not the consequence, of luxury; but this country, everything beingon an ample scale, did not afford those picturesque views, which acertain degree of cultivation is necessary gradually to produce. The eyewandered without an object to fix upon over immeasureable plains, andlakes that seemed replenished by the ocean, whilst eternal forestsof small clustering trees, obstructed the circulation of air, andembarrassed the path, without gratifying the eye of taste. No cottagesmiling in the waste, no travellers hailed us, to give life to silentnature; or, if perchance we saw the print of a footstep in our path, itwas a dreadful warning to turn aside; and the head ached as if assailedby the scalping knife. The Indians who hovered on the skirts of theEuropean settlements had only learned of their neighbours to plunder, and they stole their guns from them to do it with more safety. "From the woods and back settlements, I returned to the towns, andlearned to eat and drink most valiantly; but without entering intocommerce (and I detested commerce) I found I could not live there; and, growing heartily weary of the land of liberty and vulgar aristocracy, seated on her bags of dollars, I resolved once more to visit Europe. Iwrote to a distant relation in England, with whom I had been educated, mentioning the vessel in which I intended to sail. Arriving in London, my senses were intoxicated. I ran from street to street, from theaterto theater, and the women of the town (again I must beg pardon for myhabitual frankness) appeared to me like angels. "A week was spent in this thoughtless manner, when, returning very lateto the hotel in which I had lodged ever since my arrival, I was knockeddown in a private street, and hurried, in a state of insensibility, intoa coach, which brought me hither, and I only recovered my senses tobe treated like one who had lost them. My keepers are deaf to myremonstrances and enquiries, yet assure me that my confinement shall notlast long. Still I cannot guess, though I weary myself with conjectures, why I am confined, or in what part of England this house is situated. Iimagine sometimes that I hear the sea roar, and wished myself again onthe Atlantic, till I had a glimpse of you. "* A few moments were only allowed to Maria to comment on this narrative, when Darnford left her to her own thoughts, to the "never ending, stillbeginning, " task of weighing his words, recollecting his tones of voice, and feeling them reverberate on her heart. * The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria in a former instance, appears to have been an after-thought of the author. This has occasioned the omission of any allusion to that circumstance in the preceding narration. EDITOR. [Godwin's note] CHAPTER 4 PITY, and the forlorn seriousness of adversity, have both beenconsidered as dispositions favourable to love, while satirical writershave attributed the propensity to the relaxing effect of idleness; whatchance then had Maria of escaping, when pity, sorrow, and solitude allconspired to soften her mind, and nourish romantic wishes, and, from anatural progress, romantic expectations? Maria was six-and-twenty. But, such was the native soundness of herconstitution, that time had only given to her countenance the characterof her mind. Revolving thought, and exercised affections had banishedsome of the playful graces of innocence, producing insensibly thatirregularity of features which the struggles of the understanding totrace or govern the strong emotions of the heart, are wont to imprint onthe yielding mass. Grief and care had mellowed, without obscuring, thebright tints of youth, and the thoughtfulness which resided on her browdid not take from the feminine softness of her features; nay, suchwas the sensibility which often mantled over it, that she frequentlyappeared, like a large proportion of her sex, only born to feel; and theactivity of her well-proportioned, and even almost voluptuous figure, inspired the idea of strength of mind, rather than of body. There was asimplicity sometimes indeed in her manner, which bordered on infantineingenuousness, that led people of common discernment to underrate hertalents, and smile at the flights of her imagination. But those whocould not comprehend the delicacy of her sentiments, were attachedby her unfailing sympathy, so that she was very generally beloved bycharacters of very different descriptions; still, she was too much underthe influence of an ardent imagination to adhere to common rules. There are mistakes of conduct which at five-and-twenty prove thestrength of the mind, that, ten or fifteen years after, woulddemonstrate its weakness, its incapacity to acquire a sane judgment. Theyouths who are satisfied with the ordinary pleasures of life, and do notsigh after ideal phantoms of love and friendship, will never arrive atgreat maturity of understanding; but if these reveries are cherished, as is too frequently the case with women, when experience ought to havetaught them in what human happiness consists, they become as useless asthey are wretched. Besides, their pains and pleasures are so dependenton outward circumstances, on the objects of their affections, that theyseldom act from the impulse of a nerved mind, able to choose its ownpursuit. Having had to struggle incessantly with the vices of mankind, Maria'simagination found repose in pourtraying the possible virtues theworld might contain. Pygmalion formed an ivory maid, and longed for aninforming soul. She, on the contrary, combined all the qualities of ahero's mind, and fate presented a statue in which she might enshrinethem. We mean not to trace the progress of this passion, or recount how oftenDarnford and Maria were obliged to part in the midst of an interestingconversation. Jemima ever watched on the tip-toe of fear, and frequentlyseparated them on a false alarm, when they would have given worlds toremain a little longer together. A magic lamp now seemed to be suspended in Maria's prison, and fairylandscapes flitted round the gloomy walls, late so blank. Rushing fromthe depth of despair, on the seraph wing of hope, she found herselfhappy. --She was beloved, and every emotion was rapturous. To Darnford she had not shown a decided affection; the fear ofoutrunning his, a sure proof of love, made her often assume a coldnessand indifference foreign from her character; and, even when giving wayto the playful emotions of a heart just loosened from the frozen bond ofgrief, there was a delicacy in her manner of expressing her sensibility, which made him doubt whether it was the effect of love. One evening, when Jemima left them, to listen to the sound of a distantfootstep, which seemed cautiously to approach, he seized Maria'shand--it was not withdrawn. They conversed with earnestness of theirsituation; and, during the conversation, he once or twice gently drewher towards him. He felt the fragrance of her breath, and longed, yetfeared, to touch the lips from which it issued; spirits of purity seemedto guard them, while all the enchanting graces of love sported on hercheeks, and languished in her eyes. Jemima entering, he reflected on his diffidence with poignant regret, and, she once more taking alarm, he ventured, as Maria stood near hischair, to approach her lips with a declaration of love. She drew backwith solemnity, he hung down his head abashed; but lifting his eyestimidly, they met her's; she had determined, during that instant, andsuffered their rays to mingle. He took, with more ardour, reassured, ahalf-consenting, half-reluctant kiss, reluctant only from modesty; andthere was a sacredness in her dignified manner of reclining her glowingface on his shoulder, that powerfully impressed him. Desire was lost inmore ineffable emotions, and to protect her from insult and sorrow--tomake her happy, seemed not only the first wish of his heart, but themost noble duty of his life. Such angelic confidence demanded thefidelity of honour; but could he, feeling her in every pulsation, couldhe ever change, could he be a villain? The emotion with which she, fora moment, allowed herself to be pressed to his bosom, the tear ofrapturous sympathy, mingled with a soft melancholy sentiment ofrecollected disappointment, said--more of truth and faithfulness, thanthe tongue could have given utterance to in hours! They were silent--yetdiscoursed, how eloquently? till, after a moment's reflection, Mariadrew her chair by the side of his, and, with a composed sweetness ofvoice, and supernatural benignity of countenance, said, "I must open mywhole heart to you; you must be told who I am, why I am here, and why, telling you I am a wife, I blush not to"--the blush spoke the rest. Jemima was again at her elbow, and the restraint of her presence did notprevent an animated conversation, in which love, sly urchin, was ever atbo-peep. So much of heaven did they enjoy, that paradise bloomed around them; orthey, by a powerful spell, had been transported into Armida's garden. Love, the grand enchanter, "lapt them in Elysium, " and every sense washarmonized to joy and social extacy. So animated, indeed, were theiraccents of tenderness, in discussing what, in other circumstances, wouldhave been commonplace subjects, that Jemima felt, with surprise, a tearof pleasure trickling down her rugged cheeks. She wiped it away, halfashamed; and when Maria kindly enquired the cause, with all theeager solicitude of a happy being wishing to impart to all nature itsoverflowing felicity, Jemima owned that it was the first tear thatsocial enjoyment had ever drawn from her. She seemed indeed to breathemore freely; the cloud of suspicion cleared away from her brow; she feltherself, for once in her life, treated like a fellow-creature. Imagination! who can paint thy power; or reflect the evanescent tintsof hope fostered by thee? A despondent gloom had long obscured Maria'shorizon--now the sun broke forth, the rainbow appeared, and everyprospect was fair. Horror still reigned in the darkened cells, suspicionlurked in the passages, and whispered along the walls. The yells ofmen possessed, sometimes, made them pause, and wonder that they feltso happy, in a tomb of living death. They even chid themselves for suchapparent insensibility; still the world contained not three happierbeings. And Jemima, after again patrolling the passage, was so softenedby the air of confidence which breathed around her, that she voluntarilybegan an account of herself. CHAPTER 5 "MY FATHER, " said Jemima, "seduced my mother, a pretty girl, with whomhe lived fellow-servant; and she no sooner perceived the natural, thedreaded consequence, than the terrible conviction flashed on her--thatshe was ruined. Honesty, and a regard for her reputation, had been theonly principles inculcated by her mother; and they had been so forciblyimpressed, that she feared shame, more than the poverty to which itwould lead. Her incessant importunities to prevail upon my father toscreen her from reproach by marrying her, as he had promised in thefervour of seduction, estranged him from her so completely, that hervery person became distasteful to him; and he began to hate, as well asdespise me, before I was born. "My mother, grieved to the soul by his neglect, and unkind treatment, actually resolved to famish herself; and injured her health by theattempt; though she had not sufficient resolution to adhere to herproject, or renounce it entirely. Death came not at her call; yetsorrow, and the methods she adopted to conceal her condition, stilldoing the work of a house-maid, had such an effect on her constitution, that she died in the wretched garret, where her virtuous mistress hadforced her to take refuge in the very pangs of labour, though my father, after a slight reproof, was allowed to remain in his place--allowed bythe mother of six children, who, scarcely permitting a footstep to beheard, during her month's indulgence, felt no sympathy for the poorwretch, denied every comfort required by her situation. "The day my mother, died, the ninth after my birth, I was consigned tothe care of the cheapest nurse my father could find; who suckled her ownchild at the same time, and lodged as many more as she could get, in twocellar-like apartments. "Poverty, and the habit of seeing children die off her hands, had sohardened her heart, that the office of a mother did not awaken thetenderness of a woman; nor were the feminine caresses which seem a partof the rearing of a child, ever bestowed on me. The chicken has a wingto shelter under; but I had no bosom to nestle in, no kindred warmth tofoster me. Left in dirt, to cry with cold and hunger till I was weary, and sleep without ever being prepared by exercise, or lulled by kindnessto rest; could I be expected to become any thing but a weak and ricketybabe? Still, in spite of neglect, I continued to exist, to learn tocurse existence, [her countenance grew ferocious as she spoke, ] andthe treatment that rendered me miserable, seemed to sharpen my wits. Confined then in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of the succeedingtribe, I looked like a little old woman, or a hag shrivelling intonothing. The furrows of reflection and care contracted the youthfulcheek, and gave a sort of supernatural wildness to the ever watchfuleye. During this period, my father had married another fellow-servant, who loved him less, and knew better how to manage his passion, than mymother. She likewise proving with child, they agreed to keep a shop: mystep-mother, if, being an illegitimate offspring, I may venture thusto characterize her, having obtained a sum of a rich relation, for thatpurpose. "Soon after her lying-in, she prevailed on my father to take me home, tosave the expense of maintaining me, and of hiring a girl to assisther in the care of the child. I was young, it was true, but appeared aknowing little thing, and might be made handy. Accordingly I was broughtto her house; but not to a home--for a home I never knew. Of thischild, a daughter, she was extravagantly fond; and it was a part ofmy employment, to assist to spoil her, by humouring all her whims, andbearing all her caprices. Feeling her own consequence, before she couldspeak, she had learned the art of tormenting me, and if I ever dared toresist, I received blows, laid on with no compunctious hand, or was sentto bed dinnerless, as well as supperless. I said that it was a part ofmy daily labour to attend this child, with the servility of a slave;still it was but a part. I was sent out in all seasons, and from placeto place, to carry burdens far above my strength, without being allowedto draw near the fire, or ever being cheered by encouragement orkindness. No wonder then, treated like a creature of another species, that I began to envy, and at length to hate, the darling of thehouse. Yet, I perfectly remember, that it was the caresses, andkind expressions of my step-mother, which first excited my jealousdiscontent. Once, I cannot forget it, when she was calling in vainher wayward child to kiss her, I ran to her, saying, 'I will kiss you, ma'am!' and how did my heart, which was in my mouth, sink, what wasmy debasement of soul, when pushed away with--'I do not want you, pert thing!' Another day, when a new gown had excited the highest goodhumour, and she uttered the appropriate dear, addressed unexpectedly tome, I thought I could never do enough to please her; I was all alacrity, and rose proportionably in my own estimation. "As her daughter grew up, she was pampered with cakes and fruit, whileI was, literally speaking, fed with the refuse of the table, with herleavings. A liquorish tooth is, I believe, common to children, and Iused to steal any thing sweet, that I could catch up with a chance ofconcealment. When detected, she was not content to chastize me herselfat the moment, but, on my father's return in the evening (he wasa shopman), the principal discourse was to recount my faults, andattribute them to the wicked disposition which I had brought into theworld with me, inherited from my mother. He did not fail to leave themarks of his resentment on my body, and then solaced himself by playingwith my sister. --I could have murdered her at those moments. To savemyself from these unmerciful corrections, I resorted to falshood, andthe untruths which I sturdily maintained, were brought in judgmentagainst me, to support my tyrant's inhuman charge of my naturalpropensity to vice. Seeing me treated with contempt, and always beingfed and dressed better, my sister conceived a contemptuous opinion ofme, that proved an obstacle to all affection; and my father, hearingcontinually of my faults, began to consider me as a curse entailedon him for his sins: he was therefore easily prevailed on to bind meapprentice to one of my step-mother's friends, who kept a slop-shop inWapping. I was represented (as it was said) in my true colours; but she, 'warranted, ' snapping her fingers, 'that she should break my spirit orheart. ' "My mother replied, with a whine, 'that if any body could make mebetter, it was such a clever woman as herself; though, for her own part, she had tried in vain; but good-nature was her fault. ' "I shudder with horror, when I recollect the treatment I had now toendure. Not only under the lash of my task-mistress, but the drudgeof the maid, apprentices and children, I never had a taste of humankindness to soften the rigour of perpetual labour. I had been introducedas an object of abhorrence into the family; as a creature of whom mystep-mother, though she had been kind enough to let me live in the housewith her own child, could make nothing. I was described as a wretch, whose nose must be kept to the grinding stone--and it was held therewith an iron grasp. It seemed indeed the privilege of their superiornature to kick me about, like the dog or cat. If I were attentive, Iwas called fawning, if refractory, an obstinate mule, and like a muleI received their censure on my loaded back. Often has my mistress, forsome instance of forgetfulness, thrown me from one side of the kitchento the other, knocked my head against the wall, spit in my face, withvarious refinements on barbarity that I forbear to enumerate, thoughthey were all acted over again by the servant, with additional insults, to which the appellation of bastard, was commonly added, with tauntsor sneers. But I will not attempt to give you an adequate idea of mysituation, lest you, who probably have never been drenched with thedregs of human misery, should think I exaggerate. "I stole now, from absolute necessity, --bread; yet whatever else wastaken, which I had it not in my power to take, was ascribed to me. I wasthe filching cat, the ravenous dog, the dumb brute, who must bear all;for if I endeavoured to exculpate myself, I was silenced, without anyenquiries being made, with 'Hold your tongue, you never tell truth. 'Even the very air I breathed was tainted with scorn; for I was sentto the neighbouring shops with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on myforehead. This was, at first, the most bitter punishment; but sullenpride, or a kind of stupid desperation, made me, at length, almostregardless of the contempt, which had wrung from me so many solitarytears at the only moments when I was allowed to rest. "Thus was I the mark of cruelty till my sixteenth year; and then I haveonly to point out a change of misery; for a period I never knew. Allow me first to make one observation. Now I look back, I cannot helpattributing the greater part of my misery, to the misfortune of havingbeen thrown into the world without the grand support of life--a mother'saffection. I had no one to love me; or to make me respected, to enableme to acquire respect. I was an egg dropped on the sand; a pauper bynature, hunted from family to family, who belonged to nobody--and nobodycared for me. I was despised from my birth, and denied the chance ofobtaining a footing for myself in society. Yes; I had not even thechance of being considered as a fellow-creature--yet all the people withwhom I lived, brutalized as they were by the low cunning of trade, andthe despicable shifts of poverty, were not without bowels, though theynever yearned for me. I was, in fact, born a slave, and chained byinfamy to slavery during the whole of existence, without having anycompanions to alleviate it by sympathy, or teach me how to rise above itby their example. But, to resume the thread of my tale-- "At sixteen, I suddenly grew tall, and something like comelinessappeared on a Sunday, when I had time to wash my face, and put on cleanclothes. My master had once or twice caught hold of me in the passage;but I instinctively avoided his disgusting caresses. One day however, when the family were at a methodist meeting, he contrived to be alone inthe house with me, and by blows--yes; blows and menaces, compelled me tosubmit to his ferocious desire; and, to avoid my mistress's fury, I wasobliged in future to comply, and skulk to my loft at his command, inspite of increasing loathing. "The anguish which was now pent up in my bosom, seemed to open a newworld to me: I began to extend my thoughts beyond myself, and grieve forhuman misery, till I discovered, with horror--ah! what horror!--that Iwas with child. I know not why I felt a mixed sensation of despair andtenderness, excepting that, ever called a bastard, a bastard appeared tome an object of the greatest compassion in creation. "I communicated this dreadful circumstance to my master, who was almostequally alarmed at the intelligence; for he feared his wife, and publiccensure at the meeting. After some weeks of deliberation had elapsed, Iin continual fear that my altered shape would be noticed, my mastergave me a medicine in a phial, which he desired me to take, telling me, without any circumlocution, for what purpose it was designed. I burstinto tears, I thought it was killing myself--yet was such a self asI worth preserving? He cursed me for a fool, and left me to my ownreflections. I could not resolve to take this infernal potion; but Iwrapped it up in an old gown, and hid it in a corner of my box. "Nobody yet suspected me, because they had been accustomed to view me asa creature of another species. But the threatening storm at last brokeover my devoted head--never shall I forget it! One Sunday evening whenI was left, as usual, to take care of the house, my master came homeintoxicated, and I became the prey of his brutal appetite. His extremeintoxication made him forget his customary caution, and my mistressentered and found us in a situation that could not have been morehateful to her than me. Her husband was 'pot-valiant, ' he feared her notat the moment, nor had he then much reason, for she instantly turned thewhole force of her anger another way. She tore off my cap, scratched, kicked, and buffetted me, till she had exhausted her strength, declaring, as she rested her arm, 'that I had wheedled her husband fromher. --But, could any thing better be expected from a wretch, whom shehad taken into her house out of pure charity?' What a torrent of abuserushed out? till, almost breathless, she concluded with saying, 'that Iwas born a strumpet; it ran in my blood, and nothing good could come tothose who harboured me. ' "My situation was, of course, discovered, and she declared that I shouldnot stay another night under the same roof with an honest family. I wastherefore pushed out of doors, and my trumpery thrown after me, whenit had been contemptuously examined in the passage, lest I should havestolen any thing. "Behold me then in the street, utterly destitute! Whither could I creepfor shelter? To my father's roof I had no claim, when not pursuedby shame--now I shrunk back as from death, from my mother's cruelreproaches, my father's execrations. I could not endure to hear himcurse the day I was born, though life had been a curse to me. Of deathI thought, but with a confused emotion of terror, as I stood leaningmy head on a post, and starting at every footstep, lest it should bemy mistress coming to tear my heart out. One of the boys of the shoppassing by, heard my tale, and immediately repaired to his master, to give him a description of my situation; and he touched the rightkey--the scandal it would give rise to, if I were left to repeat mytale to every enquirer. This plea came home to his reason, who had beensobered by his wife's rage, the fury of which fell on him when I was outof her reach, and he sent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, desiring himto conduct me to a house, where beggars, and other wretches, the refuseof society, nightly lodged. "This night was spent in a state of stupefaction, or desperation. Idetested mankind, and abhorred myself. "In the morning I ventured out, to throw myself in my master's way, athis usual hour of going abroad. I approached him, he 'damned me for ab----, declared I had disturbed the peace of the family, and that hehad sworn to his wife, never to take any more notice of me. ' He left me;but, instantly returning, he told me that he should speak to his friend, a parish-officer, to get a nurse for the brat I laid to him; and advisedme, if I wished to keep out of the house of correction, not to make freewith his name. "I hurried back to my hole, and, rage giving place to despair, soughtfor the potion that was to procure abortion, and swallowed it, witha wish that it might destroy me, at the same time that it stopped thesensations of new-born life, which I felt with indescribable emotion. Myhead turned round, my heart grew sick, and in the horrors of approachingdissolution, mental anguish was swallowed up. The effect of the medicinewas violent, and I was confined to my bed several days; but, youth anda strong constitution prevailing, I once more crawled out, to ask myselfthe cruel question, 'Whither I should go?' I had but two shillings leftin my pocket, the rest had been expended, by a poor woman who slept inthe same room, to pay for my lodging, and purchase the necessaries ofwhich she partook. "With this wretch I went into the neighbouring streets to beg, and mydisconsolate appearance drew a few pence from the idle, enabling mestill to command a bed; till, recovering from my illness, and taughtto put on my rags to the best advantage, I was accosted from differentmotives, and yielded to the desire of the brutes I met, with the samedetestation that I had felt for my still more brutal master. I havesince read in novels of the blandishments of seduction, but I had noteven the pleasure of being enticed into vice. "I shall not, " interrupted Jemima, "lead your imagination into all thescenes of wretchedness and depravity, which I was condemned to view; ormark the different stages of my debasing misery. Fate dragged me throughthe very kennels of society: I was still a slave, a bastard, a commonproperty. Become familiar with vice, for I wish to conceal nothing fromyou, I picked the pockets of the drunkards who abused me; and proved bymy conduct, that I deserved the epithets, with which they loaded me atmoments when distrust ought to cease. "Detesting my nightly occupation, though valuing, if I may so use theword, my independence, which only consisted in choosing the street inwhich I should wander, or the roof, when I had money, in which I shouldhide my head, I was some time before I could prevail on myself to acceptof a place in a house of ill fame, to which a girl, with whom I hadaccidentally conversed in the street, had recommended me. I had beenhunted almost into a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter of the town Ifrequented; one, whom I had unwittingly offended, giving the word tothe whole pack. You can scarcely conceive the tyranny exercised by thesewretches: considering themselves as the instruments of the very lawsthey violate, the pretext which steels their conscience, hardens theirheart. Not content with receiving from us, outlaws of society (letother women talk of favours) a brutal gratification gratuitously as aprivilege of office, they extort a tithe of prostitution, and harrasswith threats the poor creatures whose occupation affords not the meansto silence the growl of avarice. To escape from this persecution, I oncemore entered into servitude. "A life of comparative regularity restored my health; and--do notstart--my manners were improved, in a situation where vice sought torender itself alluring, and taste was cultivated to fashion the person, if not to refine the mind. Besides, the common civility of speech, contrasted with the gross vulgarity to which I had been accustomed, wassomething like the polish of civilization. I was not shut out from allintercourse of humanity. Still I was galled by the yoke of service, andmy mistress often flying into violent fits of passion, made me dreada sudden dismission, which I understood was always the case. I wastherefore prevailed on, though I felt a horror of men, to accept theoffer of a gentleman, rather in the decline of years, to keep his house, pleasantly situated in a little village near Hampstead. "He was a man of great talents, and of brilliant wit; but, a worn-outvotary of voluptuousness, his desires became fastidious in proportion asthey grew weak, and the native tenderness of his heart was undermined bya vitiated imagination. A thoughtless career of libertinism and socialenjoyment, had injured his health to such a degree, that, whateverpleasure his conversation afforded me (and my esteem was ensured byproofs of the generous humanity of his disposition), the being hismistress was purchasing it at a very dear rate. With such a keenperception of the delicacies of sentiment, with an imaginationinvigorated by the exercise of genius, how could he sink into thegrossness of sensuality! "But, to pass over a subject which I recollect with pain, I must remarkto you, as an answer to your often-repeated question, 'Why my sentimentsand language were superior to my station?' that I now began to read, to beguile the tediousness of solitude, and to gratify an inquisitive, active mind. I had often, in my childhood, followed a ballad-singer, to hear the sequel of a dismal story, though sure of being severelypunished for delaying to return with whatever I was sent to purchase. I could just spell and put a sentence together, and I listened to thevarious arguments, though often mingled with obscenity, which occurredat the table where I was allowed to preside: for a literary friend ortwo frequently came home with my master, to dine and pass the night. Having lost the privileged respect of my sex, my presence, instead ofrestraining, perhaps gave the reins to their tongues; still I had theadvantage of hearing discussions, from which, in the common course oflife, women are excluded. "You may easily imagine, that it was only by degrees that I couldcomprehend some of the subjects they investigated, or acquire from theirreasoning what might be termed a moral sense. But my fondness of readingincreasing, and my master occasionally shutting himself up in thisretreat, for weeks together, to write, I had many opportunities ofimprovement. At first, considering money (I was right!" exclaimedJemima, altering her tone of voice) "as the only means, after my loss ofreputation, of obtaining respect, or even the toleration of humanity, Ihad not the least scruple to secrete a part of the sums intrusted tome, and to screen myself from detection by a system of falshood. But, acquiring new principles, I began to have the ambition of returningto the respectable part of society, and was weak enough to suppose itpossible. The attention of my unassuming instructor, who, without beingignorant of his own powers, possessed great simplicity of manners, strengthened the illusion. Having sometimes caught up hints for thought, from my untutored remarks, he often led me to discuss the subjects hewas treating, and would read to me his productions, previous to theirpublication, wishing to profit by the criticism of unsophisticatedfeeling. The aim of his writings was to touch the simple springs ofthe heart; for he despised the would-be oracles, the self-electedphilosophers, who fright away fancy, while sifting each grain of thoughtto prove that slowness of comprehension is wisdom. "I should have distinguished this as a moment of sunshine, a happyperiod in my life, had not the repugnance the disgusting libertinism ofmy protector inspired, daily become more painful. --And, indeed, I soondid recollect it as such with agony, when his sudden death (for he hadrecourse to the most exhilarating cordials to keep up the convivial toneof his spirits) again threw me into the desert of human society. Had hehad any time for reflection, I am certain he would have left the littleproperty in his power to me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy intown, his heir, a man of rigid morals, brought his wife with him to takepossession of the house and effects, before I was even informed of hisdeath, --'to prevent, ' as she took care indirectly to tell me, 'such acreature as she supposed me to be, from purloining any of them, had Ibeen apprized of the event in time. ' "The grief I felt at the sudden shock the information gave me, which atfirst had nothing selfish in it, was treated with contempt, and I wasordered to pack up my clothes; and a few trinkets and books, given me bythe generous deceased, were contested, while they piously hoped, with areprobating shake of the head, 'that God would have mercy on hissinful soul!' With some difficulty, I obtained my arrears of wages;but asking--such is the spirit-grinding consequence of poverty andinfamy--for a character for honesty and economy, which God knows Imerited, I was told by this--why must I call her woman?--'that it wouldgo against her conscience to recommend a kept mistress. ' Tears startedin my eyes, burning tears; for there are situations in which a wretch ishumbled by the contempt they are conscious they do not deserve. "I returned to the metropolis; but the solitude of a poor lodging wasinconceivably dreary, after the society I had enjoyed. To be cut offfrom human converse, now I had been taught to relish it, was to wander aghost among the living. Besides, I foresaw, to aggravate the severity ofmy fate, that my little pittance would soon melt away. I endeavoured toobtain needlework; but, not having been taught early, and my handsbeing rendered clumsy by hard work, I did not sufficiently excel tobe employed by the ready-made linen shops, when so many women, betterqualified, were suing for it. The want of a character prevented mygetting a place; for, irksome as servitude would have been to me, I should have made another trial, had it been feasible. Not that Idisliked employment, but the inequality of condition to which I musthave submitted. I had acquired a taste for literature, during the fiveyears I had lived with a literary man, occasionally conversing withmen of the first abilities of the age; and now to descend to the lowestvulgarity, was a degree of wretchedness not to be imagined unfelt. I hadnot, it is true, tasted the charms of affection, but I had been familiarwith the graces of humanity. "One of the gentlemen, whom I had frequently dined in company with, while I was treated like a companion, met me in the street, and enquiredafter my health. I seized the occasion, and began to describe mysituation; but he was in haste to join, at dinner, a select party ofchoice spirits; therefore, without waiting to hear me, he impatientlyput a guinea into my hand, saying, 'It was a pity such a sensible womanshould be in distress--he wished me well from his soul. ' "To another I wrote, stating my case, and requesting advice. He wasan advocate for unequivocal sincerity; and had often, in my presence, descanted on the evils which arise in society from the despotism of rankand riches. "In reply, I received a long essay on the energy of the human mind, withcontinual allusions to his own force of character. He added, 'That thewoman who could write such a letter as I had sent him, could never be inwant of resources, were she to look into herself, and exert her powers;misery was the consequence of indolence, and, as to my being shut outfrom society, it was the lot of man to submit to certain privations. ' "How often have I heard, " said Jemima, interrupting her narrative, "inconversation, and read in books, that every person willing to work mayfind employment? It is the vague assertion, I believe, of insensibleindolence, when it relates to men; but, with respect to women, I amsure of its fallacy, unless they will submit to the most menial bodilylabour; and even to be employed at hard labour is out of the reach ofmany, whose reputation misfortune or folly has tainted. "How writers, professing to be friends to freedom, and the improvementof morals, can assert that poverty is no evil, I cannot imagine. " "No more can I, " interrupted Maria, "yet they even expatiate onthe peculiar happiness of indigence, though in what it can consist, excepting in brutal rest, when a man can barely earn a subsistence, Icannot imagine. The mind is necessarily imprisoned in its own littletenement; and, fully occupied by keeping it in repair, has not time torove abroad for improvement. The book of knowledge is closely clasped, against those who must fulfil their daily task of severe manual labouror die; and curiosity, rarely excited by thought or information, seldommoves on the stagnate lake of ignorance. " "As far as I have been able to observe, " replied Jemima, "prejudices, caught up by chance, are obstinately maintained by the poor, to theexclusion of improvement; they have not time to reason or reflect toany extent, or minds sufficiently exercised to adopt the principlesof action, which form perhaps the only basis of contentment in everystation. "* * The copy which appears to have received the author's last corrections, ends at this place. [Godwin's note] "And independence, " said Darnford, "they are necessarily strangers to, even the independence of despising their persecutors. If the poor arehappy, or can be happy, _things_ _are_ _very_ _well_ _as_ _they_ _are_. And I cannot conceive on what principle those writers contend for achange of system, who support this opinion. The authors on the otherside of the question are much more consistent, who grant the fact; yet, insisting that it is the lot of the majority to be oppressed in thislife, kindly turn them over to another, to rectify the false weightsand measures of this, as the only way to justify the dispensations ofProvidence. I have not, " continued Darnford, "an opinion more firmlyfixed by observation in my mind, than that, though riches may fail toproduce proportionate happiness, poverty most commonly excludes it, byshutting up all the avenues to improvement. " "And as for the affections, " added Maria, with a sigh, "how gross, andeven tormenting do they become, unless regulated by an improving mind!The culture of the heart ever, I believe, keeps pace with that of themind. But pray go on, " addressing Jemima, "though your narrative givesrise to the most painful reflections on the present state of society. " "Not to trouble you, " continued she, "with a detailed description of allthe painful feelings of unavailing exertion, I have only to tell you, that at last I got recommended to wash in a few families, who did me thefavour to admit me into their houses, without the most strict enquiry, to wash from one in the morning till eight at night, for eighteen ortwenty-pence a day. On the happiness to be enjoyed over a washing-tubI need not comment; yet you will allow me to observe, that this wasa wretchedness of situation peculiar to my sex. A man with half myindustry, and, I may say, abilities, could have procured a decentlivelihood, and discharged some of the duties which knit mankindtogether; whilst I, who had acquired a taste for the rational, nay, inhonest pride let me assert it, the virtuous enjoyments of life, was castaside as the filth of society. Condemned to labour, like a machine, onlyto earn bread, and scarcely that, I became melancholy and desperate. "I have now to mention a circumstance which fills me with remorse, andfear it will entirely deprive me of your esteem. A tradesman becameattached to me, and visited me frequently, --and I at last obtainedsuch a power over him, that he offered to take me home to hishouse. --Consider, dear madam, I was famishing: wonder not that I becamea wolf!--The only reason for not taking me home immediately, was thehaving a girl in the house, with child by him--and this girl--I advisedhim--yes, I did! would I could forget it!--to turn out of doors: and onenight he determined to follow my advice. Poor wretch! She fell upon herknees, reminded him that he had promised to marry her, that her parentswere honest!--What did it avail?--She was turned out. "She approached her father's door, in the skirts of London, --listened atthe shutters, --but could not knock. A watchman had observed her go andreturn several times--Poor wretch!--[The remorse Jemima spoke of, seemedto be stinging her to the soul, as she proceeded. ] "She left it, and, approaching a tub where horses were watered, shesat down in it, and, with desperate resolution, remained in thatattitude--till resolution was no longer necessary! "I happened that morning to be going out to wash, anticipating themoment when I should escape from such hard labour. I passed by, justas some men, going to work, drew out the stiff, cold corpse--Let me notrecall the horrid moment!--I recognized her pale visage; I listened tothe tale told by the spectators, and my heart did not burst. I thoughtof my own state, and wondered how I could be such a monster!--I workedhard; and, returning home, I was attacked by a fever. I suffered both inbody and mind. I determined not to live with the wretch. But he did nottry me; he left the neighbourhood. I once more returned to the wash-tub. "Still this state, miserable as it was, admitted of aggravation. Liftingone day a heavy load, a tub fell against my shin, and gave me greatpain. I did not pay much attention to the hurt, till it became a seriouswound; being obliged to work as usual, or starve. But, finding myselfat length unable to stand for any time, I thought of getting into anhospital. Hospitals, it should seem (for they are comfortless abodes forthe sick) were expressly endowed for the reception of the friendless;yet I, who had on that plea a right to assistance, wanted therecommendation of the rich and respectable, and was several weekslanguishing for admittance; fees were demanded on entering; and, whatwas still more unreasonable, security for burying me, that expencenot coming into the letter of the charity. A guinea was the stipulatedsum--I could as soon have raised a million; and I was afraid to applyto the parish for an order, lest they should have passed me, I knewnot whither. The poor woman at whose house I lodged, compassionatingmy state, got me into the hospital; and the family where I received thehurt, sent me five shillings, three and six-pence of which I gave at myadmittance--I know not for what. "My leg grew quickly better; but I was dismissed before my cure wascompleted, because I could not afford to have my linen washed toappear decently, as the virago of a nurse said, when the gentlemen (thesurgeons) came. I cannot give you an adequate idea of the wretchednessof an hospital; every thing is left to the care of people intent ongain. The attendants seem to have lost all feeling of compassion in thebustling discharge of their offices; death is so familiar to them, that they are not anxious to ward it off. Every thing appeared to beconducted for the accommodation of the medical men and their pupils, whocame to make experiments on the poor, for the benefit of the rich. Oneof the physicians, I must not forget to mention, gave me half-a-crown, and ordered me some wine, when I was at the lowest ebb. I thoughtof making my case known to the lady-like matron; but her forbiddingcountenance prevented me. She condescended to look on the patients, andmake general enquiries, two or three times a week; but the nurses knewthe hour when the visit of ceremony would commence, and every thing wasas it should be. "After my dismission, I was more at a loss than ever for a subsistence, and, not to weary you with a repetition of the same unavailing attempts, unable to stand at the washing-tub, I began to consider the rich andpoor as natural enemies, and became a thief from principle. I couldnot now cease to reason, but I hated mankind. I despised myself, yet Ijustified my conduct. I was taken, tried, and condemned to six months'imprisonment in a house of correction. My soul recoils with horrorfrom the remembrance of the insults I had to endure, till, branded withshame, I was turned loose in the street, pennyless. I wandered fromstreet to street, till, exhausted by hunger and fatigue, I sunk downsenseless at a door, where I had vainly demanded a morsel of bread. Iwas sent by the inhabitant to the work-house, to which he had surlilybid me go, saying, he 'paid enough in conscience to the poor, ' when, with parched tongue, I implored his charity. If those well-meaningpeople who exclaim against beggars, were acquainted with the treatmentthe poor receive in many of these wretched asylums, they would notstifle so easily involuntary sympathy, by saying that they have allparishes to go to, or wonder that the poor dread to enter the gloomywalls. What are the common run of workhouses, but prisons, in which manyrespectable old people, worn out by immoderate labour, sink into thegrave in sorrow, to which they are carried like dogs!" Alarmed by some indistinct noise, Jemima rose hastily to listen, andMaria, turning to Darnford, said, "I have indeed been shocked beyondexpression when I have met a pauper's funeral. A coffin carried on theshoulders of three or four ill-looking wretches, whom the imaginationmight easily convert into a band of assassins, hastening to conceal thecorpse, and quarrelling about the prey on their way. I know it is oflittle consequence how we are consigned to the earth; but I am led bythis brutal insensibility, to what even the animal creation appearsforcibly to feel, to advert to the wretched, deserted manner in whichthey died. " "True, " rejoined Darnford, "and, till the rich will give more than apart of their wealth, till they will give time and attention to thewants of the distressed, never let them boast of charity. Let themopen their hearts, and not their purses, and employ their minds inthe service, if they are really actuated by humanity; or charitableinstitutions will always be the prey of the lowest order of knaves. " Jemima returning, seemed in haste to finish her tale. "The overseerfarmed the poor of different parishes, and out of the bowels of povertywas wrung the money with which he purchased this dwelling, as a privatereceptacle for madness. He had been a keeper at a house of the samedescription, and conceived that he could make money much more readilyin his old occupation. He is a shrewd--shall I say it?--villain. Heobserved something resolute in my manner, and offered to take me withhim, and instruct me how to treat the disturbed minds he meant tointrust to my care. The offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit aworkhouse, was not to be despised, though the condition of shutting myeyes and hardening my heart was annexed to it. "I agreed to accompany him; and four years have I been attendant on manywretches, and"--she lowered her voice, --"the witness of many enormities. In solitude my mind seemed to recover its force, and many of thesentiments which I imbibed in the only tolerable period of my life, returned with their full force. Still what should induce me to be thechampion for suffering humanity?--Who ever risked any thing for me?--Whoever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"-- Maria took her hand, and Jemima, more overcome by kindness than she hadever been by cruelty, hastened out of the room to conceal her emotions. Darnford soon after heard his summons, and, taking leave of him, Mariapromised to gratify his curiosity, with respect to herself, the firstopportunity. CHAPTER 6 ACTIVE as love was in the heart of Maria, the story she had just heardmade her thoughts take a wider range. The opening buds of hope closed, as if they had put forth too early, and the the happiest day of her lifewas overcast by the most melancholy reflections. Thinking of Jemima'speculiar fate and her own, she was led to consider the oppressed stateof women, and to lament that she had given birth to a daughter. Sleep fled from her eyelids, while she dwelt on the wretchedness ofunprotected infancy, till sympathy with Jemima changed to agony, whenit seemed probable that her own babe might even now be in the very stateshe so forcibly described. Maria thought, and thought again. Jemima's humanity had rather beenbenumbed than killed, by the keen frost she had to brave at her entranceinto life; an appeal then to her feelings, on this tender point, surelywould not be fruitless; and Maria began to anticipate the delight itwould afford her to gain intelligence of her child. This project was nowthe only subject of reflection; and she watched impatiently for the dawnof day, with that determinate purpose which generally insures success. At the usual hour, Jemima brought her breakfast, and a tender note fromDarnford. She ran her eye hastily over it, and her heart calmly hoardedup the rapture a fresh assurance of affection, affection such as shewished to inspire, gave her, without diverting her mind a moment fromits design. While Jemima waited to take away the breakfast, Mariaalluded to the reflections, that had haunted her during the night tothe exclusion of sleep. She spoke with energy of Jemima's unmeritedsufferings, and of the fate of a number of deserted females, placedwithin the sweep of a whirlwind, from which it was next to impossibleto escape. Perceiving the effect her conversation produced on thecountenance of her guard, she grasped the arm of Jemima with thatirresistible warmth which defies repulse, exclaiming--"With your heart, and such dreadful experience, can you lend your aid to deprive my babeof a mother's tenderness, a mother's care? In the name of God, assist meto snatch her from destruction! Let me but give her an education--let mebut prepare her body and mind to encounter the ills which await her sex, and I will teach her to consider you as her second mother, and herselfas the prop of your age. Yes, Jemima, look at me--observe me closely, and read my very soul; you merit a better fate;" she held out her handwith a firm gesture of assurance; "and I will procure it for you, as atestimony of my esteem, as well as of my gratitude. " Jemima had not power to resist this persuasive torrent; and, owning thatthe house in which she was confined, was situated on the banks of theThames, only a few miles from London, and not on the sea-coast, asDarnford had supposed, she promised to invent some excuse for herabsence, and go herself to trace the situation, and enquire concerningthe health, of this abandoned daughter. Her manner implied an intentionto do something more, but she seemed unwilling to impart her design; andMaria, glad to have obtained the main point, thought it best to leaveher to the workings of her own mind; convinced that she had the power ofinteresting her still more in favour of herself and child, by a simplerecital of facts. In the evening, Jemima informed the impatient mother, that on the morrowshe should hasten to town before the family hour of rising, and receivedall the information necessary, as a clue to her search. The "Goodnight!" Maria uttered was peculiarly solemn and affectionate. Gladexpectation sparkled in her eye; and, for the first time since herdetention, she pronounced the name of her child with pleasureablefondness; and, with all the garrulity of a nurse, described her firstsmile when she recognized her mother. Recollecting herself, a stillkinder "Adieu!" with a "God bless you!"--that seemed to include amaternal benediction, dismissed Jemima. The dreary solitude of the ensuing day, lengthened by impatientlydwelling on the same idea, was intolerably wearisome. She listenedfor the sound of a particular clock, which some directions of the windallowed her to hear distinctly. She marked the shadow gaining onthe wall; and, twilight thickening into darkness, her breath seemedoppressed while she anxiously counted nine. --The last sound was a strokeof despair on her heart; for she expected every moment, without seeingJemima, to have her light extinguished by the savage female who suppliedher place. She was even obliged to prepare for bed, restless as she was, not to disoblige her new attendant. She had been cautioned not to speaktoo freely to her; but the caution was needless, her countenance wouldstill more emphatically have made her shrink back. Such was the ferocityof manner, conspicuous in every word and gesture of this hag, that Mariawas afraid to enquire, why Jemima, who had faithfully promised to seeher before her door was shut for the night, came not?--and, when the keyturned in the lock, to consign her to a night of suspence, she felt adegree of anguish which the circumstances scarcely justified. Continually on the watch, the shutting of a door, or the sound of afoot-step, made her start and tremble with apprehension, something likewhat she felt, when, at her entrance, dragged along the gallery, shebegan to doubt whether she were not surrounded by demons? Fatigued by an endless rotation of thought and wild alarms, she lookedlike a spectre, when Jemima entered in the morning; especially as hereyes darted out of her head, to read in Jemima's countenance, almostas pallid, the intelligence she dared not trust her tongue to demand. Jemima put down the tea-things, and appeared very busy in arranging thetable. Maria took up a cup with trembling hand, then forcibly recoveringher fortitude, and restraining the convulsive movement which agitatedthe muscles of her mouth, she said, "Spare yourself the pain ofpreparing me for your information, I adjure you!--My child is dead!"Jemima solemnly answered, "Yes;" with a look expressive of compassionand angry emotions. "Leave me, " added Maria, making a fresh effort togovern her feelings, and hiding her face in her handkerchief, to concealher anguish--"It is enough--I know that my babe is no more--I will hearthe particulars when I am"--calmer, she could not utter; and Jemima, without importuning her by idle attempts to console her, left the room. Plunged in the deepest melancholy, she would not admit Darnford'svisits; and such is the force of early associations even on strongminds, that, for a while, she indulged the superstitious notion that shewas justly punished by the death of her child, for having for an instantceased to regret her loss. Two or three letters from Darnford, fullof soothing, manly tenderness, only added poignancy to these accusingemotions; yet the passionate style in which he expressed, what he termedthe first and fondest wish of his heart, "that his affection might makeher some amends for the cruelty and injustice she had endured, " inspireda sentiment of gratitude to heaven; and her eyes filled with delicioustears, when, at the conclusion of his letter, wishing to supply theplace of her unworthy relations, whose want of principle he execrated, he assured her, calling her his dearest girl, "that it should henceforthbe the business of his life to make her happy. " He begged, in a note sent the following morning, to be permitted tosee her, when his presence would be no intrusion on her grief, and soearnestly intreated to be allowed, according to promise, to beguile thetedious moments of absence, by dwelling on the events of her past life, that she sent him the memoirs which had been written for her daughter, promising Jemima the perusal as soon as he returned them. CHAPTER 7 "ADDRESSING these memoirs to you, my child, uncertain whether I shallever have an opportunity of instructing you, many observations willprobably flow from my heart, which only a mother--a mother schooled inmisery, could make. "The tenderness of a father who knew the world, might be great; butcould it equal that of a mother--of a mother, labouring under a portionof the misery, which the constitution of society seems to have entailedon all her kind? It is, my child, my dearest daughter, only such amother, who will dare to break through all restraint to provide foryour happiness--who will voluntarily brave censure herself, to ward offsorrow from your bosom. From my narrative, my dear girl, you may gatherthe instruction, the counsel, which is meant rather to exercise thaninfluence your mind. --Death may snatch me from you, before you can weighmy advice, or enter into my reasoning: I would then, with fond anxiety, lead you very early in life to form your grand principle of action, tosave you from the vain regret of having, through irresolution, letthe spring-tide of existence pass away, unimproved, unenjoyed. --Gainexperience--ah! gain it--while experience is worth having, and acquiresufficient fortitude to pursue your own happiness; it includes yourutility, by a direct path. What is wisdom too often, but the owl of thegoddess, who sits moping in a desolated heart; around me she shrieks, but I would invite all the gay warblers of spring to nestle in yourblooming bosom. --Had I not wasted years in deliberating, after Iceased to doubt, how I ought to have acted--I might now be useful andhappy. --For my sake, warned by my example, always appear what you are, and you will not pass through existence without enjoying its genuineblessings, love and respect. "Born in one of the most romantic parts of England, an enthusiasticfondness for the varying charms of nature is the first sentiment Irecollect; or rather it was the first consciousness of pleasure thatemployed and formed my imagination. "My father had been a captain of a man of war; but, disgusted with theservice, on account of the preferment of men whose chief merit was theirfamily connections or borough interest, he retired into the country;and, not knowing what to do with himself--married. In his family, toregain his lost consequence, he determined to keep up the same passiveobedience, as in the vessels in which he had commanded. His orders werenot to be disputed; and the whole house was expected to fly, at the wordof command, as if to man the shrouds, or mount aloft in an elementalstrife, big with life or death. He was to be instantaneously obeyed, especially by my mother, whom he very benevolently married for love;but took care to remind her of the obligation, when she dared, inthe slightest instance, to question his absolute authority. My eldestbrother, it is true, as he grew up, was treated with more respect bymy father; and became in due form the deputy-tyrant of the house. Therepresentative of my father, a being privileged by nature--a boy, andthe darling of my mother, he did not fail to act like an heir apparent. Such indeed was my mother's extravagant partiality, that, in comparisonwith her affection for him, she might be said not to love the restof her children. Yet none of the children seemed to have so littleaffection for her. Extreme indulgence had rendered him so selfish, thathe only thought of himself; and from tormenting insects and animals, hebecame the despot of his brothers, and still more of his sisters. "It is perhaps difficult to give you an idea of the petty cares whichobscured the morning of my life; continual restraint in the most trivialmatters; unconditional submission to orders, which, as a mere child, I soon discovered to be unreasonable, because inconsistent andcontradictory. Thus are we destined to experience a mixture ofbitterness, with the recollection of our most innocent enjoyments. "The circumstances which, during my childhood, occurred to fashion mymind, were various; yet, as it would probably afford me more pleasureto revive the fading remembrance of newborn delight, than you, my child, could feel in the perusal, I will not entice you to stray with meinto the verdant meadow, to search for the flowers that youthful hopesscatter in every path; though, as I write, I almost scent the freshgreen of spring--of that spring which never returns! "I had two sisters, and one brother, younger than myself, my brotherRobert was two years older, and might truly be termed the idol of hisparents, and the torment of the rest of the family. Such indeed is theforce of prejudice, that what was called spirit and wit in him, wascruelly repressed as forwardness in me. "My mother had an indolence of character, which prevented her frompaying much attention to our education. But the healthy breeze of aneighbouring heath, on which we bounded at pleasure, volatilized thehumours that improper food might have generated. And to enjoy openair and freedom, was paradise, after the unnatural restraint of ourfireside, where we were often obliged to sit three or four hourstogether, without daring to utter a word, when my father was outof humour, from want of employment, or of a variety of boisterousamusement. I had however one advantage, an instructor, the brother of myfather, who, intended for the church, had of course received a liberaleducation. But, becoming attached to a young lady of great beauty andlarge fortune, and acquiring in the world some opinions not consonantwith the profession for which he was designed, he accepted, with themost sanguine expectations of success, the offer of a nobleman toaccompany him to India, as his confidential secretary. "A correspondence was regularly kept up with the object of hisaffection; and the intricacies of business, peculiarly wearisome to aman of a romantic turn of mind, contributed, with a forced absence, to increase his attachment. Every other passion was lost in thismaster-one, and only served to swell the torrent. Her relations, suchwere his waking dreams, who had despised him, would court in their turnhis alliance, and all the blandishments of taste would grace the triumphof love. --While he basked in the warm sunshine of love, friendship alsopromised to shed its dewy freshness; for a friend, whom he loved next tohis mistress, was the confident, who forwarded the letters from one tothe other, to elude the observation of prying relations. A friend falsein similar circumstances, is, my dearest girl, an old tale; yet, let notthis example, or the frigid caution of coldblooded moralists, make youendeavour to stifle hopes, which are the buds that naturally unfoldthemselves during the spring of life! Whilst your own heart is sincere, always expect to meet one glowing with the same sentiments; for to flyfrom pleasure, is not to avoid pain! "My uncle realized, by good luck, rather than management, a handsomefortune; and returning on the wings of love, lost in the most enchantingreveries, to England, to share it with his mistress and his friend, hefound them--united. "There were some circumstances, not necessary for me to recite, whichaggravated the guilt of the friend beyond measure, and the deception, that had been carried on to the last moment, was so base, it producedthe most violent effect on my uncle's health and spirits. His nativecountry, the world! lately a garden of blooming sweets, blasted bytreachery, seemed changed into a parched desert, the abode of hissingserpents. Disappointment rankled in his heart; and, brooding over hiswrongs, he was attacked by a raging fever, followed by a derangement ofmind, which only gave place to habitual melancholy, as he recovered morestrength of body. "Declaring an intention never to marry, his relations were everclustering about him, paying the grossest adulation to a man, who, disgusted with mankind, received them with scorn, or bitter sarcasms. Something in my countenance pleased him, when I began to prattle. Sincehis return, he appeared dead to affection; but I soon, by showing himinnocent fondness, became a favourite; and endeavouring to enlarge andstrengthen my mind, I grew dear to him in proportion as I imbibed hissentiments. He had a forcible manner of speaking, rendered more so bya certain impressive wildness of look and gesture, calculated to engagethe attention of a young and ardent mind. It is not then surprising thatI quickly adopted his opinions in preference, and reverenced him asone of a superior order of beings. He inculcated, with great warmth, self-respect, and a lofty consciousness of acting right, independent ofthe censure or applause of the world; nay, he almost taught me to brave, and even despise its censure, when convinced of the rectitude of my ownintentions. "Endeavouring to prove to me that nothing which deserved the name oflove or friendship, existed in the world, he drew such animated picturesof his own feelings, rendered permanent by disappointment, as imprintedthe sentiments strongly on my heart, and animated my imagination. Theseremarks are necessary to elucidate some peculiarities in my character, which by the world are indefinitely termed romantic. "My uncle's increasing affection led him to visit me often. Still, unable to rest in any place, he did not remain long in the country tosoften domestic tyranny; but he brought me books, for which I had apassion, and they conspired with his conversation, to make me form anideal picture of life. I shall pass over the tyranny of my father, muchas I suffered from it; but it is necessary to notice, that it underminedmy mother's health; and that her temper, continually irritated bydomestic bickering, became intolerably peevish. "My eldest brother was articled to a neighbouring attorney, theshrewdest, and, I may add, the most unprincipled man in that part of thecountry. As my brother generally came home every Saturday, to astonishmy mother by exhibiting his attainments, he gradually assumed a right ofdirecting the whole family, not excepting my father. He seemed to take apeculiar pleasure in tormenting and humbling me; and if I ever venturedto complain of this treatment to either my father or mother, I wasrudely rebuffed for presuming to judge of the conduct of my eldestbrother. "About this period a merchant's family came to settle in ourneighbourhood. A mansion-house in the village, lately purchased, hadbeen preparing the whole spring, and the sight of the costly furniture, sent from London, had excited my mother's envy, and roused my father'spride. My sensations were very different, and all of a pleasurable kind. I longed to see new characters, to break the tedious monotony of mylife; and to find a friend, such as fancy had pourtrayed. I cannot thendescribe the emotion I felt, the Sunday they made their appearance atchurch. My eyes were rivetted on the pillar round which I expectedfirst to catch a glimpse of them, and darted forth to meet a servant whohastily preceded a group of ladies, whose white robes and waving plumes, seemed to stream along the gloomy aisle, diffusing the light, by which Icontemplated their figures. "We visited them in form; and I quickly selected the eldest daughterfor my friend. The second son, George, paid me particular attention, andfinding his attainments and manners superior to those of the young menof the village, I began to imagine him superior to the rest of mankind. Had my home been more comfortable, or my previous acquaintance morenumerous, I should not probably have been so eager to open my heart tonew affections. "Mr. Venables, the merchant, had acquired a large fortune by unremittingattention to business; but his health declining rapidly, he was obligedto retire, before his son, George, had acquired sufficient experience, to enable him to conduct their affairs on the same prudential plan, hisfather had invariably pursued. Indeed, he had laboured to throw off hisauthority, having despised his narrow plans and cautious speculation. The eldest son could not be prevailed on to enter the firm; and, tooblige his wife, and have peace in the house, Mr. Venables had purchaseda commission for him in the guards. "I am now alluding to circumstances which came to my knowledge longafter; but it is necessary, my dearest child, that you should know thecharacter of your father, to prevent your despising your mother; theonly parent inclined to discharge a parent's duty. In London, George hadacquired habits of libertinism, which he carefully concealed from hisfather and his commercial connections. The mask he wore, was so completea covering of his real visage, that the praise his father lavished onhis conduct, and, poor mistaken man! on his principles, contrasted withhis brother's, rendered the notice he took of me peculiarly flattering. Without any fixed design, as I am now convinced, he continued to singleme out at the dance, press my hand at parting, and utter expressions ofunmeaning passion, to which I gave a meaning naturally suggested by theromantic turn of my thoughts. His stay in the country was short; hismanners did not entirely please me; but, when he left us, the colouringof my picture became more vivid--Whither did not my imagination lead me?In short, I fancied myself in love--in love with the disinterestedness, fortitude, generosity, dignity, and humanity, with which I had investedthe hero I dubbed. A circumstance which soon after occurred, renderedall these virtues palpable. [The incident is perhaps worth relating onother accounts, and therefore I shall describe it distinctly. ] "I had a great affection for my nurse, old Mary, for whom I used oftento work, to spare her eyes. Mary had a younger sister, married to asailor, while she was suckling me; for my mother only suckled my eldestbrother, which might be the cause of her extraordinary partiality. Peggy, Mary's sister, lived with her, till her husband, becoming a matein a West-Indian trader, got a little before-hand in the world. Hewrote to his wife from the first port in the Channel, after his mostsuccessful voyage, to request her to come to London to meet him; he evenwished her to determine on living there for the future, to save himthe trouble of coming to her the moment he came on shore; and to turn apenny by keeping a green-stall. It was too much to set out on a journeythe moment he had finished a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was worsethan a thousand leagues by sea. "She packed up her alls, and came to London--but did not meet honestDaniel. A common misfortune prevented her, and the poor are bound tosuffer for the good of their country--he was pressed in the river--andnever came on shore. "Peggy was miserable in London, not knowing, as she said, 'the faceof any living soul. ' Besides, her imagination had been employed, anticipating a month or six weeks' happiness with her husband. Danielwas to have gone with her to Sadler's Wells, and Westminster Abbey, andto many sights, which he knew she never heard of in the country. Peggytoo was thrifty, and how could she manage to put his plan in executionalone? He had acquaintance; but she did not know the very name of theirplaces of abode. His letters were made up of--How do you does, and Godbless yous, --information was reserved for the hour of meeting. "She too had her portion of information, near at heart. Molly and Jackywere grown such little darlings, she was almost angry that daddy did notsee their tricks. She had not half the pleasure she should have had fromtheir prattle, could she have recounted to him each night the prettyspeeches of the day. Some stories, however, were stored up--and Jackycould say papa with such a sweet voice, it must delight his heart. Yetwhen she came, and found no Daniel to greet her, when Jacky called papa, she wept, bidding 'God bless his innocent soul, that did not know whatsorrow was. '--But more sorrow was in store for Peggy, innocent as shewas. --Daniel was killed in the first engagement, and then the papa wasagony, sounding to the heart. "She had lived sparingly on his wages, while there was any hope ofhis return; but, that gone, she returned with a breaking heart to thecountry, to a little market town, nearly three miles from our village. She did not like to go to service, to be snubbed about, after being herown mistress. To put her children out to nurse was impossible: how farwould her wages go? and to send them to her husband's parish, a distantone, was to lose her husband twice over. "I had heard all from Mary, and made my uncle furnish a little cottagefor her, to enable her to sell--so sacred was poor Daniel's advice, nowhe was dead and gone a little fruit, toys and cakes. The minding of theshop did not require her whole time, nor even the keeping her childrenclean, and she loved to see them clean; so she took in washing, andaltogether made a shift to earn bread for her children, still weepingfor Daniel, when Jacky's arch looks made her think of his father. --Itwas pleasant to work for her children. --'Yes; from morning till night, could she have had a kiss from their father, God rest his soul! Yes; hadit pleased Providence to have let him come back without a leg or anarm, it would have been the same thing to her--for she did not love himbecause he maintained them--no; she had hands of her own. ' "The country people were honest, and Peggy left her linen out to dryvery late. A recruiting party, as she supposed, passing through, madefree with a large wash; for it was all swept away, including her own andher children's little stock. "This was a dreadful blow; two dozen of shirts, stocks andhandkerchiefs. She gave the money which she had laid by for half ayear's rent, and promised to pay two shillings a week till all wascleared; so she did not lose her employment. This two shillings a week, and the buying a few necessaries for the children, drove her so hard, that she had not a penny to pay her rent with, when a twelvemonth'sbecame due. "She was now with Mary, and had just told her tale, which Mary instantlyrepeated--it was intended for my ear. Many houses in this town, producing a borough-interest, were included in the estate purchased byMr. Venables, and the attorney with whom my brother lived, was appointedhis agent, to collect and raise the rents. "He demanded Peggy's, and, in spite of her intreaties, her poor goodshad been seized and sold. So that she had not, and what was worse herchildren, 'for she had known sorrow enough, ' a bed to lie on. She knewthat I was good-natured--right charitable, yet not liking to ask formore than needs must, she scorned to petition while people could any howbe made to wait. But now, should she be turned out of doors, she mustexpect nothing less than to lose all her customers, and then she mustbeg or starve--and what would become of her children?--'had Daniel notbeen pressed--but God knows best--all this could not have happened. ' "I had two mattresses on my bed; what did I want with two, when such aworthy creature must lie on the ground? My mother would be angry, but Icould conceal it till my uncle came down; and then I would tell him allthe whole truth, and if he absolved me, heaven would. "I begged the house-maid to come up stairs with me (servants always feelfor the distresses of poverty, and so would the rich if they knew whatit was). She assisted me to tie up the mattrass; I discovering, at thesame time, that one blanket would serve me till winter, could I persuademy sister, who slept with me, to keep my secret. She entering in themidst of the package, I gave her some new feathers, to silence her. We got the mattrass down the back stairs, unperceived, and I helped tocarry it, taking with me all the money I had, and what I could borrowfrom my sister. "When I got to the cottage, Peggy declared that she would not take whatI had brought secretly; but, when, with all the eager eloquence inspiredby a decided purpose, I grasped her hand with weeping eyes, assuring herthat my uncle would screen me from blame, when he was once more in thecountry, describing, at the same time, what she would suffer in partingwith her children, after keeping them so long from being thrown on theparish, she reluctantly consented. "My project of usefulness ended not here; I determined to speak tothe attorney; he frequently paid me compliments. His character did notintimidate me; but, imagining that Peggy must be mistaken, and thatno man could turn a deaf ear to such a tale of complicated distress, Idetermined to walk to the town with Mary the next morning, and requesthim to wait for the rent, and keep my secret, till my uncle's return. "My repose was sweet; and, waking with the first dawn of day, I boundedto Mary's cottage. What charms do not a light heart spread over nature!Every bird that twittered in a bush, every flower that enlivened thehedge, seemed placed there to awaken me to rapture--yes; to rapture. The present moment was full fraught with happiness; and on futurityI bestowed not a thought, excepting to anticipate my success with theattorney. "This man of the world, with rosy face and simpering features, receivedme politely, nay kindly; listened with complacency to my remonstrances, though he scarcely heeded Mary's tears. I did not then suspect, that myeloquence was in my complexion, the blush of seventeen, or that, ina world where humanity to women is the characteristic of advancingcivilization, the beauty of a young girl was so much more interestingthan the distress of an old one. Pressing my hand, he promised to letPeggy remain in the house as long as I wished. --I more than returnedthe pressure--I was so grateful and so happy. Emboldened by my innocentwarmth, he then kissed me--and I did not draw back--I took it for a kissof charity. "Gay as a lark, I went to dine at Mr. Venables'. I had previouslyobtained five shillings from my father, towards re-clothing the poorchildren of my care, and prevailed on my mother to take one of the girlsinto the house, whom I determined to teach to work and read. "After dinner, when the younger part of the circle retired to the musicroom, I recounted with energy my tale; that is, I mentioned Peggy'sdistress, without hinting at the steps I had taken to relieve her. MissVenables gave me half-a-crown; the heir five shillings; but George satunmoved. I was cruelly distressed by the disappointment--I scarcelycould remain on my chair; and, could I have got out of the roomunperceived, I should have flown home, as if to run away from myself. After several vain attempts to rise, I leaned my head against the marblechimney-piece, and gazing on the evergreens that filled the fire-place, moralized on the vanity of human expectations; regardless of thecompany. I was roused by a gentle tap on my shoulder from behindCharlotte's chair. I turned my head, and George slid a guinea into myhand, putting his finger to his mouth, to enjoin me silence. "What a revolution took place, not only in my train of thoughts, butfeelings! I trembled with emotion--now, indeed, I was in love. Suchdelicacy too, to enhance his benevolence! I felt in my pocket every fiveminutes, only to feel the guinea; and its magic touch invested my herowith more than mortal beauty. My fancy had found a basis to erect itsmodel of perfection on; and quickly went to work, with all the happycredulity of youth, to consider that heart as devoted to virtue, whichhad only obeyed a virtuous impulse. The bitter experience was yet tocome, that has taught me how very distinct are the principles of virtue, from the casual feelings from which they germinate. " CHAPTER 8 "I HAVE perhaps dwelt too long on a circumstance, which is only ofimportance as it marks the progress of a deception that has been sofatal to my peace; and introduces to your notice a poor girl, whom, intending to serve, I led to ruin. Still it is probable that I wasnot entirely the victim of mistake; and that your father, graduallyfashioned by the world, did not quickly become what I hesitate to callhim--out of respect to my daughter. "But, to hasten to the more busy scenes of my life. Mr. Venables and mymother died the same summer; and, wholly engrossed by my attention toher, I thought of little else. The neglect of her darling, my brotherRobert, had a violent effect on her weakened mind; for, though boys maybe reckoned the pillars of the house without doors, girls are oftenthe only comfort within. They but too frequently waste their healthand spirits attending a dying parent, who leaves them in comparativepoverty. After closing, with filial piety, a father's eyes, they arechased from the paternal roof, to make room for the first-born, theson, who is to carry the empty family-name down to posterity; though, occupied with his own pleasures, he scarcely thought of discharging, inthe decline of his parent's life, the debt contracted in his childhood. My mother's conduct led me to make these reflections. Great as was thefatigue I endured, and the affection my unceasing solicitude evinced, ofwhich my mother seemed perfectly sensible, still, when my brother, whomI could hardly persuade to remain a quarter of an hour in her chamber, was with her alone, a short time before her death, she gave him a littlehoard, which she had been some years accumulating. "During my mother's illness, I was obliged to manage my father's temper, who, from the lingering nature of her malady, began to imagine thatit was merely fancy. At this period, an artful kind of upper servantattracted my father's attention, and the neighbours made many remarkson the finery, not honestly got, exhibited at evening service. But I wastoo much occupied with my mother to observe any change in her dress orbehaviour, or to listen to the whisper of scandal. "I shall not dwell on the death-bed scene, lively as is the remembrance, or on the emotion produced by the last grasp of my mother's cold hand;when blessing me, she added, 'A little patience, and all will be over!'Ah! my child, how often have those words rung mournfully in my ears--andI have exclaimed--'A little more patience, and I too shall be at rest!' "My father was violently affected by her death, recollected instances ofhis unkindness, and wept like a child. "My mother had solemnly recommended my sisters to my care, and bid mebe a mother to them. They, indeed, became more dear to me as they becamemore forlorn; for, during my mother's illness, I discovered the ruinedstate of my father's circumstances, and that he had only been able tokeep up appearances, by the sums which he borrowed of my uncle. "My father's grief, and consequent tenderness to his children, quicklyabated, the house grew still more gloomy or riotous; and my refuge fromcare was again at Mr. Venables'; the young 'squire having taken hisfather's place, and allowing, for the present, his sister to preside athis table. George, though dissatisfied with his portion of the fortune, which had till lately been all in trade, visited the family as usual. He was now full of speculations in trade, and his brow became clouded bycare. He seemed to relax in his attention to me, when the presence ofmy uncle gave a new turn to his behaviour. I was too unsuspecting, toodisinterested, to trace these changes to their source. "My home every day became more and more disagreeable to me; my libertywas unnecessarily abridged, and my books, on the pretext that they mademe idle, taken from me. My father's mistress was with child, and he, doating on her, allowed or overlooked her vulgar manner of tyrannizingover us. I was indignant, especially when I saw her endeavouring toattract, shall I say seduce? my younger brother. By allowing women butone way of rising in the world, the fostering the libertinism of men, society makes monsters of them, and then their ignoble vices are broughtforward as a proof of inferiority of intellect. "The wearisomeness of my situation can scarcely be described. Thoughmy life had not passed in the most even tenour with my mother, it wasparadise to that I was destined to endure with my father's mistress, jealous of her illegitimate authority. My father's former occasionaltenderness, in spite of his violence of temper, had been soothing tome; but now he only met me with reproofs or portentous frowns. Thehouse-keeper, as she was now termed, was the vulgar despot of thefamily; and assuming the new character of a fine lady, she could neverforgive the contempt which was sometimes visible in my countenance, whenshe uttered with pomposity her bad English, or affected to be well bred. "To my uncle I ventured to open my heart; and he, with his wontedbenevolence, began to consider in what manner he could extricate me outof my present irksome situation. In spite of his own disappointment, or, most probably, actuated by the feelings that had been petrified, notcooled, in all their sanguine fervour, like a boiling torrent oflava suddenly dash ing into the sea, he thought a marriage of mutualinclination (would envious stars permit it) the only chance forhappiness in this disastrous world. George Venables had the reputationof being attentive to business, and my father's example gave greatweight to this circumstance; for habits of order in business would, heconceived, extend to the regulation of the affections in domestic life. George seldom spoke in my uncle's company, except to utter a short, judicious question, or to make a pertinent remark, with all duedeference to his superior judgment; so that my uncle seldom left hiscompany without observing, that the young man had more in him thanpeople supposed. "In this opinion he was not singular; yet, believe me, and I am notswayed by resentment, these speeches so justly poized, this silentdeference, when the animal spirits of other young people were throwingoff youthful ebullitions, were not the effect of thought or humility, but sheer barrenness of mind, and want of imagination. A colt of mettlewill curvet and shew his paces. Yes; my dear girl, these prudent youngmen want all the fire necessary to ferment their faculties, and arecharacterized as wise, only because they are not foolish. It is true, that George was by no means so great a favourite of mine as during thefirst year of our acquaintance; still, as he often coincided inopinion with me, and echoed my sentiments; and having myself no otherattachment, I heard with pleasure my uncle's proposal; but thought moreof obtaining my freedom, than of my lover. But, when George, seeminglyanxious for my happiness, pressed me to quit my present painfulsituation, my heart swelled with gratitude--I knew not that my uncle hadpromised him five thousand pounds. "Had this truly generous man mentioned his intention to me, I shouldhave insisted on a thousand pounds being settled on each of my sisters;George would have contested; I should have seen his selfish soul;and--gracious God! have been spared the misery of discovering, whentoo late, that I was united to a heartless, unprincipled wretch. All myschemes of usefulness would not then have been blasted. The tendernessof my heart would not have heated my imagination with visions of theineffable delight of happy love; nor would the sweet duty of a motherhave been so cruelly interrupted. "But I must not suffer the fortitude I have so hardly acquired, to beundermined by unavailing regret. Let me hasten forward to describe theturbid stream in which I had to wade--but let me exultingly declarethat it is passed--my soul holds fellowship with him no more. He cutthe Gordian knot, which my principles, mistaken ones, respected; hedissolved the tie, the fetters rather, that ate into my very vitals--andI should rejoice, conscious that my mind is freed, though confined inhell itself, the only place that even fancy can imagine more dreadfulthan my present abode. "These varying emotions will not allow me to proceed. I heave sigh aftersigh; yet my heart is still oppressed. For what am I reserved? Why was Inot born a man, or why was I born at all?" CHAPTER 9 "I RESUME my pen to fly from thought. I was married; and we hastened toLondon. I had purposed taking one of my sisters with me; for a strongmotive for marrying, was the desire of having a home at which I couldreceive them, now their own grew so uncomfortable, as not to deserve thecheering appellation. An objection was made to her accompanying me, that appeared plausible; and I reluctantly acquiesced. I was howeverwillingly allowed to take with me Molly, poor Peggy's daughter. Londonand preferment, are ideas commonly associated in the country; and, asblooming as May, she bade adieu to Peggy with weeping eyes. I did noteven feel hurt at the refusal in relation to my sister, till hearingwhat my uncle had done for me, I had the simplicity to request, speakingwith warmth of their situation, that he would give them a thousandpounds a-piece, which seemed to me but justice. He asked me, giving mea kiss, 'If I had lost my senses?' I started back, as if I had founda wasp in a rose-bush. I expostulated. He sneered: and the demon ofdiscord entered our paradise, to poison with his pestiferous breathevery opening joy. "I had sometimes observed defects in my husband's understanding; but, led astray by a prevailing opinion, that goodness of disposition is ofthe first importance in the relative situations of life, in proportionas I perceived the narrowness of his understanding, fancy enlarged theboundary of his heart. Fatal error! How quickly is the so much vauntedmilkiness of nature turned into gall, by an intercourse with the world, if more generous juices do not sustain the vital source of virtue! "One trait in my character was extreme credulity; but, when my eyeswere once opened, I saw but too clearly all I had before overlooked. Myhusband was sunk in my esteem; still there are youthful emotions, which, for a while, fill up the chasm of love and friendship. Besides, itrequired some time to enable me to see his whole character in a justlight, or rather to allow it to become fixed. While circumstances wereripening my faculties, and cultivating my taste, commerce and grossrelaxations were shutting his against any possibility of improvement, till, by stifling every spark of virtue in himself, he began to imaginethat it no where existed. "Do not let me lead you astray, my child, I do not mean to assert, thatany human being is entirely incapable of feeling the generous emotions, which are the foundation of every true principle of virtue; but they arefrequently, I fear, so feeble, that, like the inflammable quality whichmore or less lurks in all bodies, they often lie for ever dormant; thecircumstances never occurring, necessary to call them into action. "I discovered however by chance, that, in consequence of some losses intrade, the natural effect of his gambling desire to start suddenly intoriches, the five thousand pounds given me by my uncle, had beenpaid very opportunely. This discovery, strange as you may think theassertion, gave me pleasure; my husband's embarrassments endeared him tome. I was glad to find an excuse for his conduct to my sisters, and mymind became calmer. "My uncle introduced me to some literary society; and the theatres werea never-failing source of amusement to me. My delighted eye followedMrs. Siddons, when, with dignified delicacy, she played Califta; andI involuntarily repeated after her, in the same tone, and with along-drawn sigh, 'Hearts like our's were pair'd--not match'd. ' "These were, at first, spontaneous emotions, though, becoming acquaintedwith men of wit and polished manners, I could not sometimes helpregretting my early marriage; and that, in my haste to escape from atemporary dependence, and expand my newly fledged wings, in an unknownsky, I had been caught in a trap, and caged for life. Still the noveltyof London, and the attentive fondness of my husband, for he had somepersonal regard for me, made several months glide away. Yet, notforgetting the situation of my sisters, who were still very young, Iprevailed on my uncle to settle a thousand pounds on each; and to placethem in a school near town, where I could frequently visit, as well ashave them at home with me. "I now tried to improve my husband's taste, but we had few subjects incommon; indeed he soon appeared to have little relish for my society, unless he was hinting to me the use he could make of my uncle's wealth. When we had company, I was disgusted by an ostentatious display ofriches, and I have often quitted the room, to avoid listening toexaggerated tales of money obtained by lucky hits. "With all my attention and affectionate interest, I perceived that Icould not become the friend or confident of my husband. Every thing Ilearned relative to his affairs I gathered up by accident; and I vainlyendeavoured to establish, at our fire-side, that social converse, which often renders people of different characters dear to each other. Returning from the theatre, or any amusing party, I frequently began torelate what I had seen and highly relished; but with sullen taciturnityhe soon silenced me. I seemed therefore gradually to lose, in hissociety, the soul, the energies of which had just been in action. Tosuch a degree, in fact, did his cold, reserved manner affect me, that, after spending some days with him alone, I have imagined myself the moststupid creature in the world, till the abilities of some casual visitorconvinced me that I had some dormant animation, and sentiments above thedust in which I had been groveling. The very countenance of my husbandchanged; his complexion became sallow, and all the charms of youth werevanishing with its vivacity. "I give you one view of the subject; but these experiments andalterations took up the space of five years; during which period, Ihad most reluctantly extorted several sums from my uncle, to save myhusband, to use his own words, from destruction. At first it was toprevent bills being noted, to the injury of his credit; then to bailhim; and afterwards to prevent an execution from entering the house. Ibegan at last to conclude, that he would have made more exertions of hisown to extricate himself, had he not relied on mine, cruel as was thetask he imposed on me; and I firmly determined that I would make use ofno more pretexts. "From the moment I pronounced this determination, indifference on hispart was changed into rudeness, or something worse. "He now seldom dined at home, and continually returned at a late hour, drunk, to bed. I retired to another apartment; I was glad, I own, toescape from his; for personal intimacy without affection, seemed, to methe most degrading, as well as the most painful state in which awoman of any taste, not to speak of the peculiar delicacy of fosteredsensibility, could be placed. But my husband's fondness for women was ofthe grossest kind, and imagination was so wholly out of the question, asto render his indulgences of this sort entirely promiscuous, and of themost brutal nature. My health suffered, before my heart was entirelyestranged by the loathsome information; could I then have returned tohis sullied arms, but as a victim to the prejudices of mankind, who havemade women the property of their husbands? I discovered even, by hisconversation, when intoxicated that his favourites were wantons of thelowest class, who could by their vulgar, indecent mirth, which he callednature, rouse his sluggish spirits. Meretricious ornaments and mannerswere necessary to attract his attention. He seldom looked twice at amodest woman, and sat silent in their company; and the charms of youthand beauty had not the slightest effect on his senses, unless thepossessors were initiated in vice. His intimacy with profligate women, and his habits of thinking, gave him a contempt for female endowments;and he would repeat, when wine had loosed his tongue, most of thecommon-place sarcasms levelled at them, by men who do not allow them tohave minds, because mind would be an impediment to gross enjoyment. Men who are inferior to their fellow men, are always most anxious toestablish their superiority over women. But where are these reflectionsleading me? "Women who have lost their husband's affection, are justly reproved forneglecting their persons, and not taking the same pains to keep, as togain a heart; but who thinks of giving the same advice to men, thoughwomen are continually stigmatized for being attached to fops; and fromthe nature of their education, are more susceptible of disgust? Yet whya woman should be expected to endure a sloven, with more patience thana man, and magnanimously to govern herself, I cannot conceive; unlessit be supposed arrogant in her to look for respect as well as amaintenance. It is not easy to be pleased, because, after promising tolove, in different circumstances, we are told that it is our duty. I cannot, I am sure (though, when attending the sick, I never feltdisgust) forget my own sensations, when rising with health and spirit, and after scenting the sweet morning, I have met my husband at thebreakfast table. The active attention I had been giving to domesticregulations, which were generally settled before he rose, or a walk, gave a glow to my countenance, that contrasted with his squallidappearance. The squeamishness of stomach alone, produced by the lastnight's intemperance, which he took no pains to conceal, destroyed myappetite. I think I now see him lolling in an arm-chair, in a dirtypowdering gown, soiled linen, ungartered stockings, and tangled hair, yawning and stretching himself. The newspaper was immediately calledfor, if not brought in on the tea-board, from which he would scarcelylift his eyes while I poured out the tea, excepting to ask for somebrandy to put into it, or to declare that he could not eat. In answerto any question, in his best humour, it was a drawling 'What do you say, child?' But if I demanded money for the house expences, which I put offtill the last moment, his customary reply, often prefaced with an oath, was, 'Do you think me, madam, made of money?'--The butcher, the baker, must wait; and, what was worse, I was often obliged to witness his surlydismission of tradesmen, who were in want of their money, and whom Isometimes paid with the presents my uncle gave me for my own use. "At this juncture my father's mistress, by terrifying his conscience, prevailed on him to marry her; he was already become a methodist; andmy brother, who now practised for himself, had discovered a flaw inthe settlement made on my mother's children, which set it aside, and heallowed my father, whose distress made him submit to any thing, a titheof his own, or rather our fortune. "My sisters had left school, but were unable to endure home, which myfather's wife rendered as disagreeable as possible, to get rid of girlswhom she regarded as spies on her conduct. They were accomplished, yetyou can (may you never be reduced to the same destitute state!)scarcely conceive the trouble I had to place them in the situation ofgovernesses, the only one in which even a well-educated woman, with morethan ordinary talents, can struggle for a subsistence; and even this isa dependence next to menial. Is it then surprising, that so many forlornwomen, with human passions and feelings, take refuge in infamy? Alonein large mansions, I say alone, because they had no companions with whomthey could converse on equal terms, or from whom they could expect theendearments of affection, they grew melancholy, and the sound of joymade them sad; and the youngest, having a more delicate frame, fell intoa decline. It was with great difficulty that I, who now almost supportedthe house by loans from my uncle, could prevail on the _master_ of it, to allow her a room to die in. I watched her sick bed for some months, and then closed her eyes, gentle spirit! for ever. She was pretty, withvery engaging manners; yet had never an opportunity to marry, exceptingto a very old man. She had abilities sufficient to have shone in anyprofession, had there been any professions for women, though she shrunkat the name of milliner or mantua-maker as degrading to a gentlewoman. I would not term this feeling false pride to any one but you, my child, whom I fondly hope to see (yes; I will indulge the hope for a moment!)possessed of that energy of character which gives dignity to anystation; and with that clear, firm spirit that will enable you to choosea situation for yourself, or submit to be classed in the lowest, if itbe the only one in which you can be the mistress of your own actions. "Soon after the death of my sister, an incident occurred, to prove tome that the heart of a libertine is dead to natural affection; and toconvince me, that the being who has appeared all tenderness, to gratifya selfish passion, is as regardless of the innocent fruit of it, asof the object, when the fit is over. I had casually observed an old, meanlooking woman, who called on my husband every two or three monthsto receive some money. One day entering the passage of his littlecounting-house, as she was going out, I heard her say, 'The child isvery weak; she cannot live long, she will soon die out of your way, soyou need not grudge her a little physic. ' "'So much the better, ' he replied, ' and pray mind your own business, good woman. ' "I was struck by his unfeeling, inhuman tone of voice, and drew back, determined when the woman came again, to try to speak to her, not outof curiosity, I had heard enough, but with the hope of being useful to apoor, outcast girl. "A month or two elapsed before I saw this woman again; and then she hada child in her hand that tottered along, scarcely able to sustain herown weight. They were going away, to return at the hour Mr. Venableswas expected; he was now from home. I desired the woman to walk intothe parlour. She hesitated, yet obeyed. I assured her that I should notmention to my husband (the word seemed to weigh on my respiration), thatI had seen her, or his child. The woman stared at me with astonishment;and I turned my eyes on the squalid object [that accompanied her. ] Shecould hardly support herself, her complexion was sallow, and her eyesinflamed, with an indescribable look of cunning, mixed with the wrinklesproduced by the peevishness of pain. "Poor child!' I exclaimed. 'Ah! you may well say poor child, ' repliedthe woman. 'I brought her here to see whether he would have the heartto look at her, and not get some advice. I do not know what they deservewho nursed her. Why, her legs bent under her like a bow when she came tome, and she has never been well since; but, if they were no better paidthan I am, it is not to be wondered at, sure enough. ' "On further enquiry I was informed, that this miserable spectacle wasthe daughter of a servant, a country girl, who caught Mr. Venables' eye, and whom he seduced. On his marriage he sent her away, her situationbeing too visible. After her delivery, she was thrown on the town;and died in an hospital within the year. The babe was sent to aparish-nurse, and afterwards to this woman, who did not seem muchbetter; but what was to be expected from such a close bargain? She wasonly paid three shillings a week for board and washing. "The woman begged me to give her some old clothes for the child, assuring me, that she was almost afraid to ask master for money to buyeven a pair of shoes. "I grew sick at heart. And, fearing Mr. Venables might enter, andoblige me to express my abhorrence, I hastily enquired where she lived, promised to pay her two shillings a week more, and to call on her ina day or two; putting a trifle into her hand as a proof of my goodintention. "If the state of this child affected me, what were my feelings at adiscovery I made respecting Peggy--?"* * The manuscript is imperfect here. An episode seems to have been intended, which was never committed to paper. EDITOR. [Godwin's note] CHAPTER 10 "MY FATHER'S situation was now so distressing, that I prevailed on myuncle to accompany me to visit him; and to lend me his assistance, toprevent the whole property of the family from becoming the prey ofmy brother's rapacity; for, to extricate himself out of presentdifficulties, my father was totally regardless of futurity. I took downwith me some presents for my step-mother; it did not require an effortfor me to treat her with civility, or to forget the past. "This was the first time I had visited my native village, since mymarriage. But with what different emotions did I return from the busyworld, with a heavy weight of experience benumbing my imagination, toscenes, that whispered recollections of joy and hope most eloquently tomy heart! The first scent of the wild flowers from the heath, thrilledthrough my veins, awakening every sense to pleasure. The icy handof despair seemed to be removed from my bosom; and--forgetting myhusband--the nurtured visions of a romantic mind, bursting on me withall their original wildness and gay exuberance, were again hailed assweet realities. I forgot, with equal facility, that I ever felt sorrow, or knew care in the country; while a transient rainbow stole athwartthe cloudy sky of despondency. The picturesque form of several favouritetrees, and the porches of rude cottages, with their smiling hedges, wererecognized with the gladsome playfulness of childish vivacity. I couldhave kissed the chickens that pecked on the common; and longed to patthe cows, and frolic with the dogs that sported on it. I gazed withdelight on the windmill, and thought it lucky that it should be inmotion, at the moment I passed by; and entering the dear green lane, which led directly to the village, the sound of the well-known rookerygave that sentimental tinge to the varying sensations of my active soul, which only served to heighten the lustre of the luxuriant scenery. But, spying, as I advanced, the spire, peeping over the withered tops of theaged elms that composed the rookery, my thoughts flew immediately tothe churchyard, and tears of affection, such was the effect of myimagination, bedewed my mother's grave! Sorrow gave place to devotionalfeelings. I wandered through the church in fancy, as I used sometimesto do on a Saturday evening. I recollected with what fervour I addressedthe God of my youth: and once more with rapturous love looked abovemy sorrows to the Father of nature. I pause--feeling forcibly all theemotions I am describing; and (reminded, as I register my sorrows, ofthe sublime calm I have felt, when in some tremendous solitude, my soulrested on itself, and seemed to fill the universe) I insensibly breathesoft, hushing every wayward emotion, as if fearing to sully with a sigh, a contentment so extatic. "Having settled my father's affairs, and, by my exertions in his favour, made my brother my sworn foe, I returned to London. My husband's conductwas now changed; I had during my absence, received several affectionate, penitential letters from him; and he seemed on my arrival, to wish byhis behaviour to prove his sincerity. I could not then conceive why heacted thus; and, when the suspicion darted into my head, that it mightarise from observing my increasing influence with my uncle, I almostdespised myself for imagining that such a degree of debasing selfishnesscould exist. "He became, unaccountable as was the change, tender and attentive; and, attacking my weak side, made a confession of his follies, and lamentedthe embarrassments in which I, who merited a far different fate, mightbe involved. He besought me to aid him with my counsel, praised myunderstanding, and appealed to the tenderness of my heart. "This conduct only inspired me with compassion. I wished to be hisfriend; but love had spread his rosy pinions and fled far, far away;and had not (like some exquisite perfumes, the fine spirit of whichis continually mingling with the air) left a fragrance behind, to markwhere he had shook his wings. My husband's renewed caresses then becamehateful to me; his brutality was tolerable, compared to his distastefulfondness. Still, compassion, and the fear of insulting his supposedfeelings, by a want of sympathy, made me dissemble, and do violence tomy delicacy. What a task! "Those who support a system of what I term false refinement, and willnot allow great part of love in the female, as well as male breast, tospring in some respects involuntarily, may not admit that charms areas necessary to feed the passion, as virtues to convert the mellowingspirit into friendship. To such observers I have nothing to say, anymore than to the moralists, who insist that women ought to, and can lovetheir husbands, because it is their duty. To you, my child, I mayadd, with a heart tremblingly alive to your future conduct, someobservations, dictated by my present feelings, on calmly reviewing thisperiod of my life. When novelists or moralists praise as a virtue, awoman's coldness of constitution, and want of passion; and make heryield to the ardour of her lover out of sheer compassion, or to promotea frigid plan of future comfort, I am disgusted. They may be good women, in the ordinary acceptation of the phrase, and do no harm; but theyappear to me not to have those 'finely fashioned nerves, ' which renderthe senses exquisite. They may possess tenderness; but they want thatfire of the imagination, which produces _active_ sensibility, and_positive_ _virtue_. How does the woman deserve to be characterized, whomarries one man, with a heart and imagination devoted to another? Is shenot an object of pity or contempt, when thus sacrilegiously violatingthe purity of her own feelings? Nay, it is as indelicate, when she isindifferent, unless she be constitutionally insensible; then indeed itis a mere affair of barter; and I have nothing to do with the secrets oftrade. Yes; eagerly as I wish you to possess true rectitude of mind, and purity of affection, I must insist that a heartless conduct is thecontrary of virtuous. Truth is the only basis of virtue; and we cannot, without depraving our minds, endeavour to please a lover or husband, butin proportion as he pleases us. Men, more effectually to enslave us, mayinculcate this partial morality, and lose sight of virtue in subdividingit into the duties of particular stations; but let us not blush fornature without a cause! "After these remarks, I am ashamed to own, that I was pregnant. Thegreatest sacrifice of my principles in my whole life, was the allowingmy husband again to be familiar with my person, though to this cruel actof self-denial, when I wished the earth to open and swallow me, you oweyour birth; and I the unutterable pleasure of being a mother. There wassomething of delicacy in my husband's bridal attentions; but nowhis tainted breath, pimpled face, and blood-shot eyes, were not morerepugnant to my senses, than his gross manners, and loveless familiarityto my taste. "A man would only be expected to maintain; yes, barely grant asubsistence, to a woman rendered odious by habitual intoxication; butwho would expect him, or think it possible to love her? And unless'youth, and genial years were flown, ' it would be thought equallyunreasonable to insist, [under penalty of] forfeiting almost everything reckoned valuable in life, that he should not love another:whilst woman, weak in reason, impotent in will, is required to moralize, sentimentalize herself to stone, and pine her life away, labouringto reform her embruted mate. He may even spend in dissipation, andintemperance, the very intemperance which renders him so hateful, herproperty, and by stinting her expences, not permit her to beguile insociety, a wearisome, joyless life; for over their mutual fortune shehas no power, it must all pass through his hand. And if she be a mother, and in the present state of women, it is a great misfortune to beprevented from discharging the duties, and cultivating the affections ofone, what has she not to endure?--But I have suffered the tendernessof one to lead me into reflections that I did not think of making, tointerrupt my narrative--yet the full heart will overflow. "Mr. Venables' embarrassments did not now endear him to me; still, anxious to befriend him, I endeavoured to prevail on him to retrench hisexpences; but he had always some plausible excuse to give, to justifyhis not following my advice. Humanity, compassion, and the interestproduced by a habit of living together, made me try to relieve, andsympathize with him; but, when I recollected that I was bound to livewith such a being for ever--my heart died within me; my desire ofimprovement became languid, and baleful, corroding melancholy tookpossession of my soul. Marriage had bastilled me for life. I discoveredin myself a capacity for the enjoyment of the various pleasuresexistence affords; yet, fettered by the partial laws of society, thisfair globe was to me an universal blank. "When I exhorted my husband to economy, I referred to himself. I wasobliged to practise the most rigid, or contract debts, which I hadtoo much reason to fear would never be paid. I despised this paltryprivilege of a wife, which can only be of use to the vicious orinconsiderate, and determined not to increase the torrent that wasbearing him down. I was then ignorant of the extent of his fraudulentspeculations, whom I was bound to honour and obey. "A woman neglected by her husband, or whose manners form a strikingcontrast with his, will always have men on the watch to soothe andflatter her. Besides, the forlorn state of a neglected woman, notdestitute of personal charms, is particularly interesting, and rousesthat species of pity, which is so near akin, it easily slides into love. A man of feeling thinks not of seducing, he is himself seduced byall the noblest emotions of his soul. He figures to himself all thesacrifices a woman of sensibility must make, and every situation inwhich his imagination places her, touches his heart, and fires hispassions. Longing to take to his bosom the shorn lamb, and bid thedrooping buds of hope revive, benevolence changes into passion: andshould he then discover that he is beloved, honour binds him fast, though foreseeing that he may afterwards be obliged to pay severedamages to the man, who never appeared to value his wife's society, tillhe found that there was a chance of his being indemnified for the lossof it. "Such are the partial laws enacted by men; for, only to lay a stresson the dependent state of a woman in the grand question of the comfortsarising from the possession of property, she is [even in this article]much more injured by the loss of the husband's affection, than he bythat of his wife; yet where is she, condemned to the solitude of adeserted home, to look for a compensation from the woman, who seduceshim from her? She cannot drive an unfaithful husband from his house, norseparate, or tear, his children from him, however culpable he may be;and he, still the master of his own fate, enjoys the smiles of a world, that would brand her with infamy, did she, seeking consolation, ventureto retaliate. "These remarks are not dictated by experience; but merely by thecompassion I feel for many amiable women, the _outlaws_ of the world. For myself, never encouraging any of the advances that were made to me, my lovers dropped off like the untimely shoots of spring. I did noteven coquet with them; because I found, on examining myself, I could notcoquet with a man without loving him a little; and I perceived that Ishould not be able to stop at the line of what are termed _innocent__freedoms_, did I suffer any. My reserve was then the consequence ofdelicacy. Freedom of conduct has emancipated many women's minds; butmy conduct has most rigidly been governed by my principles, till theimprovement of my understanding has enabled me to discern the fallacy ofprejudices at war with nature and reason. "Shortly after the change I have mentioned in my husband's conduct, myuncle was compelled by his declining health, to seek the succour of amilder climate, and embark for Lisbon. He left his will in the hands ofa friend, an eminent solicitor; he had previously questioned me relativeto my situation and state of mind, and declared very freely, that hecould place no reliance on the stability of my husband's professions. Hehad been deceived in the unfolding of his character; he now thoughtit fixed in a train of actions that would inevitably lead to ruin anddisgrace. "The evening before his departure, which we spent alone together, he folded me to his heart, uttering the endearing appellation of'child. '--My more than father! why was I not permitted to perform thelast duties of one, and smooth the pillow of death? He seemed by hismanner to be convinced that he should never see me more; yet requestedme, most earnestly, to come to him, should I be obliged to leave myhusband. He had before expressed his sorrow at hearing of my pregnancy, having determined to prevail on me to accompany him, till I informed himof that circumstance. He expressed himself unfeignedly sorry thatany new tie should bind me to a man whom he thought so incapable ofestimating my value; such was the kind language of affection. "I must repeat his own words; they made an indelible impression on mymind: "'The marriage state is certainly that in which women, generallyspeaking, can be most useful; but I am far from thinking that awoman, once married, ought to consider the engagement as indissoluble(especially if there be no children to reward her for sacrificing herfeelings) in case her husband merits neither her love, nor esteem. Esteem will often supply the place of love; and prevent a woman frombeing wretched, though it may not make her happy. The magnitude of asacrifice ought always to bear some proportion to the utility in view;and for a woman to live with a man, for whom she can cherish neitheraffection nor esteem, or even be of any use to him, excepting in thelight of a house-keeper, is an abjectness of condition, the enduring ofwhich no concurrence of circumstances can ever make a duty in the sightof God or just men. If indeed she submits to it merely to be maintainedin idleness, she has no right to complain bitterly of her fate; or toact, as a person of independent character might, as if she had a titleto disregard general rules. "But the misfortune is, that many women only submit in appearance, andforfeit their own respect to secure their reputation in the world. Thesituation of a woman separated from her husband, is undoubtedly verydifferent from that of a man who has left his wife. He, with lordlydignity, has shaken of a clog; and the allowing her food and raiment, isthought sufficient to secure his reputation from taint. And, should shehave been inconsiderate, he will be celebrated for his generosity andforbearance. Such is the respect paid to the master-key of property! Awoman, on the contrary, resigning what is termed her natural protector(though he never was so, but in name) is despised and shunned, forasserting the independence of mind distinctive of a rational being, andspurning at slavery. ' "During the remainder of the evening, my uncle's tenderness led himfrequently to revert to the subject, and utter, with increasing warmth, sentiments to the same purport. At length it was necessary to say'Farewell!'--and we parted--gracious God! to meet no more. " CHAPTER 11 "A GENTLEMAN of large fortune and of polished manners, had latelyvisited very frequently at our house, and treated me, if possible, with more respect than Mr. Venables paid him; my pregnancy was not yetvisible, his society was a great relief to me, as I had for some timepast, to avoid expence, confined myself very much at home. I everdisdained unnecessary, perhaps even prudent concealments; and myhusband, with great ease, discovered the amount of my uncle's partingpresent. A copy of a writ was the stale pretext to extort it from me;and I had soon reason to believe that it was fabricated for the purpose. I acknowledge my folly in thus suffering myself to be continuallyimposed on. I had adhered to my resolution not to apply to my uncle, on the part of my husband, any more; yet, when I had received a sumsufficient to supply my own wants, and to enable me to pursue a plan Ihad in view, to settle my younger brother in a respectable employment, I allowed myself to be duped by Mr. Venables' shallow pretences, andhypocritical professions. "Thus did he pillage me and my family, thus frustrate all my plans ofusefulness. Yet this was the man I was bound to respect and esteem: asif respect and esteem depended on an arbitrary will of our own! But awife being as much a man's property as his horse, or his ass, she hasnothing she can call her own. He may use any means to get at what thelaw considers as his, the moment his wife is in possession of it, evento the forcing of a lock, as Mr. Venables did, to search for notes inmy writing-desk--and all this is done with a show of equity, because, forsooth, he is responsible for her maintenance. "The tender mother cannot _lawfully_ snatch from the gripe of thegambling spendthrift, or beastly drunkard, unmindful of his offspring, the fortune which falls to her by chance; or (so flagrant is theinjustice) what she earns by her own exertions. No; he can rob her withimpunity, even to waste publicly on a courtezan; and the laws of hercountry--if women have a country--afford her no protection or redressfrom the oppressor, unless she have the plea of bodily fear; yet howmany ways are there of goading the soul almost to madness, equallyunmanly, though not so mean? When such laws were framed, shouldnot impartial lawgivers have first decreed, in the style of a greatassembly, who recognized the existence of an _etre_ _supreme_, to fixthe national belief, that the husband should always be wiser and morevirtuous than his wife, in order to entitle him, with a show of justice, to keep this idiot, or perpetual minor, for ever in bondage. But I musthave done--on this subject, my indignation continually runs away withme. "The company of the gentleman I have already mentioned, who had ageneral acquaintance with literature and subjects of taste, was gratefulto me; my countenance brightened up as he approached, and I unaffectedlyexpressed the pleasure I felt. The amusement his conversation affordedme, made it easy to comply with my husband's request, to endeavour torender our house agreeable to him. "His attentions became more pointed; but, as I was not of the numberof women, whose virtue, as it is termed, immediately takes alarm, Iendeavoured, rather by raillery than serious expostulation, to give adifferent turn to his conversation. He assumed a new mode of attack, andI was, for a while, the dupe of his pretended friendship. "I had, merely in the style of _badinage_, boasted of my conquest, andrepeated his lover-like compliments to my husband. But he begged me, for God's sake, not to affront his friend, or I should destroy all hisprojects, and be his ruin. Had I had more affection for my husband, Ishould have expressed my contempt of this time-serving politeness: nowI imagined that I only felt pity; yet it would have puzzled a casuist topoint out in what the exact difference consisted. "This friend began now, in confidence, to discover to me the real stateof my husband's affairs. 'Necessity, ' said Mr. S----; why should Ireveal his name? for he affected to palliate the conduct he could notexcuse, 'had led him to take such steps, by accommodation bills, buyinggoods on credit, to sell them for ready money, and similar transactions, that his character in the commercial world was gone. He was considered, 'he added, lowering his voice, 'on 'Change as a swindler. ' "I felt at that moment the first maternal pang. Aware of the evils mysex have to struggle with, I still wished, for my own consolation, to bethe mother of a daughter; and I could not bear to think, that the _sins_of her father's entailed disgrace, should be added to the ills to whichwoman is heir. "So completely was I deceived by these shows of friendship (nay, Ibelieve, according to his interpretation, Mr. S---- really was myfriend) that I began to consult him respecting the best mode ofretrieving my husband's character: it is the good name of a woman onlythat sets to rise no more. I knew not that he had been drawn into awhirlpool, out of which he had not the energy to attempt to escape. Heseemed indeed destitute of the power of employing his faculties in anyregular pursuit. His principles of action were so loose, and his mind souncultivated, that every thing like order appeared to him in the shapeof restraint; and, like men in the savage state, he required the strongstimulus of hope or fear, produced by wild speculations, in which theinterests of others went for nothing, to keep his spirits awake. He onetime professed patriotism, but he knew not what it was to feel honestindignation; and pretended to be an advocate for liberty, when, with aslittle affection for the human race as for individuals, he thought ofnothing but his own gratification. He was just such a citizen, as afather. The sums he adroitly obtained by a violation of the laws ofhis country, as well as those of humanity, he would allow a mistress tosquander; though she was, with the same _sang_ _froid_, consigned, aswere his children, to poverty, when another proved more attractive. "On various pretences, his friend continued to visit me; and, observingmy want of money, he tried to induce me to accept of pecuniary aid; butthis offer I absolutely rejected, though it was made with such delicacy, I could not be displeased. "One day he came, as I thought accidentally, to dinner. My husband wasvery much engaged in business, and quitted the room soon after the clothwas removed. We conversed as usual, till confidential advice led againto love. I was extremely mortified. I had a sincere regard for him, andhoped that he had an equal friendship for me. I therefore beganmildly to expostulate with him. This gentleness he mistook for coyencouragement; and he would not be diverted from the subject. Perceivinghis mistake, I seriously asked him how, using such language to me, hecould profess to be my husband's friend? A significant sneer excited mycuriosity, and he, supposing this to be my only scruple, took a letterdeliberately out of his pocket, saying, 'Your husband's honour is notinflexible. How could you, with your discernment, think it so? Why, he left the room this very day on purpose to give me an opportunity toexplain myself; _he_ thought me too timid--too tardy. "I snatched the letter with indescribable emotion. The purport of it wasto invite him to dinner, and to ridicule his chivalrous respect forme. He assured him, 'that every woman had her price, and, with grossindecency, hinted, that he should be glad to have the duty of a husbandtaken off his hands. These he termed _liberal_ _sentiments_. He advisedhim not to shock my romantic notions, but to attack my credulousgenerosity, and weak pity; and concluded with requesting him to lend himfive hundred pounds for a month or six weeks. ' I read this letter twiceover; and the firm purpose it inspired, calmed the rising tumult of mysoul. I rose deliberately, requested Mr. S---- to wait a moment, andinstantly going into the counting-house, desired Mr. Venables to returnwith me to the dining-parlour. "He laid down his pen, and entered with me, without observing any changein my countenance. I shut the door, and, giving him the letter, simplyasked, 'whether he wrote it, or was it a forgery?' "Nothing could equal his confusion. His friend's eye met his, andhe muttered something about a joke--But I interrupted him--'It issufficient--We part for ever. ' "I continued, with solemnity, 'I have borne with your tyranny andinfidelities. I disdain to utter what I have borne with. I thought youunprincipled, but not so decidedly vicious. I formed a tie, in the sightof heaven--I have held it sacred; even when men, more conformable to mytaste, have made me feel--I despise all subterfuge!--that I was notdead to love. Neglected by you, I have resolutely stifled the enticingemotions, and respected the plighted faith you outraged. And you darenow to insult me, by selling me to prostitution!--Yes--equally lost todelicacy and principle--you dared sacrilegiously to barter the honour ofthe mother of your child. ' "Then, turning to Mr. S----, I added, 'I call on you, Sir, to witness, 'and I lifted my hands and eyes to heaven, 'that, as solemnly as I tookhis name, I now abjure it, ' I pulled off my ring, and put it on thetable; 'and that I mean immediately to quit his house, never to enter itmore. I will provide for myself and child. I leave him as free as I amdetermined to be myself--he shall be answerable for no debts of mine. ' "Astonishment closed their lips, till Mr. Venables, gently pushinghis friend, with a forced smile, out of the room, nature for a momentprevailed, and, appearing like himself, he turned round, burning withrage, to me: but there was no terror in the frown, excepting whencontrasted with the malignant smile which preceded it. He bade me'leave the house at my peril; told me he despised my threats; I had noresource; I could not swear the peace against him!--I was not afraid ofmy life!--he had never struck me!' "He threw the letter in the fire, which I had incautiously left in hishands; and, quitting the room, locked the door on me. "When left alone, I was a moment or two before I could recollectmyself--One scene had succeeded another with such rapidity, I almostdoubted whether I was reflecting on a real event. 'Was it possible? WasI, indeed, free?'--Yes; free I termed myself, when I decidedly perceivedthe conduct I ought to adopt. How had I panted for liberty--liberty, that I would have purchased at any price, but that of my own esteem! Irose, and shook myself; opened the window, and methought the air neversmelled so sweet. The face of heaven grew fairer as I viewed it, and theclouds seemed to flit away obedient to my wishes, to give my soul roomto expand. I was all soul, and (wild as it may appear) felt as if Icould have dissolved in the soft balmy gale that kissed my cheek, or have glided below the horizon on the glowing, descending beams. Aseraphic satisfaction animated, without agitating my spirits; and myimagination collected, in visions sublimely terrible, or soothinglybeautiful, an immense variety of the endless images, which natureaffords, and fancy combines, of the grand and fair. The lustre of thesebright picturesque sketches faded with the setting sun; but I was stillalive to the calm delight they had diffused through my heart. "There may be advocates for matrimonial obedience, who, making adistinction between the duty of a wife and of a human being, may blamemy conduct. --To them I write not--my feelings are not for themto analyze; and may you, my child, never be able to ascertain, byheart-rending experience, what your mother felt before the presentemancipation of her mind! "I began to write a letter to my father, after closing one to myuncle; not to ask advice, but to signify my determination; when I wasinterrupted by the entrance of Mr. Venables. His manner was changed. Hisviews on my uncle's fortune made him averse to my quitting his house, or he would, I am convinced, have been glad to have shaken off even theslight restraint my presence imposed on him; the restraint of showingme some respect. So far from having an affection for me, he really hatedme, because he was convinced that I must despise him. "He told me, that 'As I now had had time to cool and reflect, he did notdoubt but that my prudence, and nice sense of propriety, would lead meto overlook what was passed. ' "'Reflection, ' I replied, 'had only confirmed my purpose, and no poweron earth could divert me from it. ' "Endeavouring to assume a soothing voice and look, when he wouldwillingly have tortured me, to force me to feel his power, hiscountenance had an infernal expression, when he desired me, 'Not toexpose myself to the servants, by obliging him to confine me in myapartment; if then I would give my promise not to quit the houseprecipitately, I should be free--and--. ' I declared, interrupting him, 'that I would promise nothing. I had no measures to keep with him--I wasresolved, and would not condescend to subterfuge. ' "He muttered, 'that I should soon repent of these preposterous airs;'and, ordering tea to be carried into my little study, which had acommunication with my bed-chamber, he once more locked the door uponme, and left me to my own meditations. I had passively followed him upstairs, not wishing to fatigue myself with unavailing exertion. "Nothing calms the mind like a fixed purpose. I felt as if I had heaveda thousand weight from my heart; the atmosphere seemed lightened; and, if I execrated the institutions of society, which thus enable mento tyrannize over women, it was almost a disinterested sentiment. Idisregarded present inconveniences, when my mind had done strugglingwith itself, --when reason and inclination had shaken hands and were atpeace. I had no longer the cruel task before me, in endless perspective, aye, during the tedious for ever of life, of labouring to overcome myrepugnance--of labouring to extinguish the hopes, the maybes of a livelyimagination. Death I had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; but, while existence had still so many charms, and life promised happiness, Ishrunk from the icy arms of an unknown tyrant, though far more invitingthan those of the man, to whom I supposed myself bound without any otheralternative; and was content to linger a little longer, waiting for Iknew not what, rather than leave 'the warm precincts of the cheerfulday, ' and all the unenjoyed affection of my nature. "My present situation gave a new turn to my reflection; and I wondered(now the film seemed to be withdrawn, that obscured the piercingsight of reason) how I could, previously to the deciding outrage, haveconsidered myself as everlastingly united to vice and folly! 'Had anevil genius cast a spell at my birth; or a demon stalked out ofchaos, to perplex my understanding, and enchain my will, with delusiveprejudices?' "I pursued this train of thinking; it led me out of myself, to expatiateon the misery peculiar to my sex. 'Are not, ' I thought, 'the despots forever stigmatized, who, in the wantonness of power, commanded even themost atrocious criminals to be chained to dead bodies? though surelythose laws are much more inhuman, which forge adamantine fetters to bindminds together, that never can mingle in social communion! Whatindeed can equal the wretchedness of that state, in which there is noalternative, but to extinguish the affections, or encounter infamy?'" CHAPTER 12 "TOWARDS midnight Mr. Venables entered my chamber; and, with calmaudacity preparing to go to bed, he bade me make haste, 'for that wasthe best place for husbands and wives to end their differences. He hadbeen drinking plentifully to aid his courage. "I did not at first deign to reply. But perceiving that he affected totake my silence for consent, I told him that, 'If he would not go toanother bed, or allow me, I should sit up in my study all night. ' Heattempted to pull me into the chamber, half joking. But I resisted; and, as he had determined not to give me any reason for saying that he usedviolence, after a few more efforts, he retired, cursing my obstinacy, tobed. "I sat musing some time longer; then, throwing my cloak around me, prepared for sleep on a sopha. And, so fortunate seemed my deliverance, so sacred the pleasure of being thus wrapped up in myself, that I sleptprofoundly, and woke with a mind composed to encounter the struggles ofthe day. Mr. Venables did not wake till some hours after; and then hecame to me half-dressed, yawning and stretching, with haggard eyes, asif he scarcely recollected what had passed the preceding evening. Hefixed his eyes on me for a moment, then, calling me a fool, asked 'Howlong I intended to continue this pretty farce? For his part, he wasdevilish sick of it; but this was the plague of marrying women whopretended to know something. ' "I made no other reply to this harangue, than to say, 'That he ought tobe glad to get rid of a woman so unfit to be his companion--and that anychange in my conduct would be mean dissimulation; for maturer reflectiononly gave the sacred seal of reason to my first resolution. ' "He looked as if he could have stamped with impatience, at being obligedto stifle his rage; but, conquering his anger (for weak people, whosepassions seem the most ungovernable, restrain them with the greatestease, when they have a sufficient motive), he exclaimed, 'Very pretty, upon my soul! very pretty, theatrical flourishes! Pray, fair Roxana, stoop from your altitudes, and remember that you are acting a part inreal life. ' "He uttered this speech with a self-satisfied air, and went down stairsto dress. "In about an hour he came to me again; and in the same tone said, 'Thathe came as my gentleman-usher to hand me down to breakfast. "'Of the black rod?' asked I. "This question, and the tone in which I asked it, a little disconcertedhim. To say the truth, I now felt no resentment; my firm resolution tofree myself from my ignoble thraldom, had absorbed the various emotionswhich, during six years, had racked my soul. The duty pointed out by myprinciples seemed clear; and not one tender feeling intruded to makeme swerve: The dislike which my husband had inspired was strong; but itonly led me to wish to avoid, to wish to let him drop out of my memory;there was no misery, no torture that I would not deliberately havechosen, rather than renew my lease of servitude. "During the breakfast, he attempted to reason with me on the folly ofromantic sentiments; for this was the indiscriminate epithet he gaveto every mode of conduct or thinking superior to his own. He asserted, 'that all the world were governed by their own interest; those whopretended to be actuated by different motives, were only deeper knaves, or fools crazed by books, who took for gospel all the rodomantadenonsense written by men who knew nothing of the world. For his part, he thanked God, he was no hypocrite; and, if he stretched a pointsometimes, it was always with an intention of paying every man his own. ' "He then artfully insinuated, 'that he daily expected a vessel toarrive, a successful speculation, that would make him easy for thepresent, and that he had several other schemes actually depending, thatcould not fail. He had no doubt of becoming rich in a few years, thoughhe had been thrown back by some unlucky adventures at the setting out. ' "I mildly replied, 'That I wished he might not involve himself stilldeeper. ' "He had no notion that I was governed by a decision of judgment, not tobe compared with a mere spurt of resentment. He knew not what it was tofeel indignation against vice, and often boasted of his placable temper, and readiness to forgive injuries. True; for he only considered thebeing deceived, as an effort of skill he had not guarded against; andthen, with a cant of candour, would observe, 'that he did not know howhe might himself have been tempted to act in the same circumstances. 'And, as his heart never opened to friendship, it never was wounded bydisappointment. Every new acquaintance he protested, it is true, was'the cleverest fellow in the world; and he really thought so; till thenovelty of his conversation or manners ceased to have any effect on hissluggish spirits. His respect for rank or fortune was more permanent, though he chanced to have no design of availing himself of the influenceof either to promote his own views. "After a prefatory conversation, --my blood (I thought it had beencooler) flushed over my whole countenance as he spoke--he alluded to mysituation. He desired me to reflect--'and act like a prudent woman, as the best proof of my superior understanding; for he must own I hadsense, did I know how to use it. I was not, ' he laid a stress on hiswords, 'without my passions; and a husband was a convenient cloke. --Hewas liberal in his way of thinking; and why might not we, like manyother married people, who were above vulgar prejudices, tacitly consentto let each other follow their own inclination?--He meant nothing more, in the letter I made the ground of complaint; and the pleasure which Iseemed to take in Mr. S. 's company, led him to conclude, that he was notdisagreeable to me. ' "A clerk brought in the letters of the day, and I, as I often did, whilehe was discussing subjects of business, went to the _piano_ _forte_, andbegan to play a favourite air to restore myself, as it were, to nature, and drive the sophisticated sentiments I had just been obliged to listento, out of my soul. "They had excited sensations similar to those I have felt, in viewingthe squalid inhabitants of some of the lanes and back streets ofthe metropolis, mortified at being compelled to consider them as myfellow-creatures, as if an ape had claimed kindred with me. Or, as whensurrounded by a mephitical fog, I have wished to have a volley of cannonfired, to clear the incumbered atmosphere, and give me room to breatheand move. "My spirits were all in arms, and I played a kind of extemporaryprelude. The cadence was probably wild and impassioned, while, lost inthought, I made the sounds a kind of echo to my train of thinking. "Pausing for a moment, I met Mr. Venables' eyes. He was observing mewith an air of conceited satisfaction, as much as to say--'My lastinsinuation has done the business--she begins to know her own interest. 'Then gathering up his letters, he said, 'That he hoped he should hearno more romantic stuff, well enough in a miss just come from boardingschool;' and went, as was his custom, to the counting-house. I stillcontinued playing; and, turning to a sprightly lesson, I executed itwith uncommon vivacity. I heard footsteps approach the door, and wassoon convinced that Mr. Venables was listening; the consciousness onlygave more animation to my fingers. He went down into the kitchen, andthe cook, probably by his desire, came to me, to know what I wouldplease to order for dinner. Mr. Venables came into the parlour again, with apparent carelessness. I perceived that the cunning man wasoverreaching himself; and I gave my directions as usual, and left theroom. "While I was making some alteration in my dress, Mr. Venables peeped in, and, begging my pardon for interrupting me, disappeared. I took up somework (I could not read), and two or three messages were sent to me, probably for no other purpose, but to enable Mr. Venables to ascertainwhat I was about. "I listened whenever I heard the street-door open; at last I imagined Icould distinguish Mr. Venables' step, going out. I laid aside my work;my heart palpitated; still I was afraid hastily to enquire; and I waiteda long half hour, before I ventured to ask the boy whether his masterwas in the counting-house? "Being answered in the negative, I bade him call me a coach, andcollecting a few necessaries hastily together, with a little parcelof letters and papers which I had collected the preceding evening, Ihurried into it, desiring the coachman to drive to a distant part of thetown. "I almost feared that the coach would break down before I got out of thestreet; and, when I turned the corner, I seemed to breathe a freer air. I was ready to imagine that I was rising above the thick atmosphere ofearth; or I felt, as wearied souls might be supposed to feel on enteringanother state of existence. "I stopped at one or two stands of coaches to elude pursuit, and thendrove round the skirts of the town to seek for an obscure lodging, whereI wished to remain concealed, till I could avail myself of my uncle'sprotection. I had resolved to assume my own name immediately, and openlyto avow my determination, without any formal vindication, the momentI had found a home, in which I could rest free from the daily alarm ofexpecting to see Mr. Venables enter. "I looked at several lodgings; but finding that I could not, withouta reference to some acquaintance, who might inform my tyrant, getadmittance into a decent apartment--men have not all this trouble--Ithought of a woman whom I had assisted to furnish a little haberdasher'sshop, and who I knew had a first floor to let. "I went to her, and though I could not persuade her, that the quarrelbetween me and Mr. Venables would never be made up, still she agreed toconceal me for the present; yet assuring me at the same time, shakingher head, that, when a woman was once married, she must bear everything. Her pale face, on which appeared a thousand haggard lines anddelving wrinkles, produced by what is emphatically termed fretting, inforced her remark; and I had afterwards an opportunity of observingthe treatment she had to endure, which grizzled her into patience. Shetoiled from morning till night; yet her husband would rob the till, and take away the money reserved for paying bills; and, returning homedrunk, he would beat her if she chanced to offend him, though she had achild at the breast. "These scenes awoke me at night; and, in the morning, I heard her, asusual, talk to her dear Johnny--he, forsooth, was her master; no slavein the West Indies had one more despotic; but fortunately she was of thetrue Russian breed of wives. "My mind, during the few past days, seemed, as it were, disengaged frommy body; but, now the struggle was over, I felt very forcibly the effectwhich perturbation of spirits produces on a woman in my situation. "The apprehension of a miscarriage, obliged me to confine myself to myapartment near a fortnight; but I wrote to my uncle's friend for money, promising 'to call on him, and explain my situation, when I was wellenough to go out; mean time I earnestly intreated him, not to mentionmy place of abode to any one, lest my husband--such the law consideredhim--should disturb the mind he could not conquer. I mentioned myintention of setting out for Lisbon, to claim my uncle's protection, themoment my health would permit. ' "The tranquillity however, which I was recovering, was soon interrupted. My landlady came up to me one day, with eyes swollen with weeping, unable to utter what she was commanded to say. She declared, 'That shewas never so miserable in her life; that she must appear an ungratefulmonster; and that she would readily go down on her knees to me, tointreat me to forgive her, as she had done to her husband to spare herthe cruel task. ' Sobs prevented her from proceeding, or answering myimpatient enquiries, to know what she meant. "When she became a little more composed, she took a newspaper out ofher pocket, declaring, 'that her heart smote her, but what could shedo?--she must obey her husband. ' I snatched the paper from her. Anadvertisement quickly met my eye, purporting, that 'Maria Venables had, without any assignable cause, absconded from her husband; and any personharbouring her, was menaced with the utmost severity of the law. ' "Perfectly acquainted with Mr. Venables' meanness of soul, this stepdid not excite my surprise, and scarcely my contempt. Resentment in mybreast, never survived love. I bade the poor woman, in a kind tone, wipeher eyes, and request her husband to come up, and speak to me himself. "My manner awed him. He respected a lady, though not a woman; and beganto mutter out an apology. "'Mr. Venables was a rich gentleman; he wished to oblige me, but he hadsuffered enough by the law already, to tremble at the thought; besides, for certain, we should come together again, and then even I should notthank him for being accessary to keeping us asunder. --A husband and wifewere, God knows, just as one, --and all would come round at last. ' Heuttered a drawling 'Hem!' and then with an arch look, added--'Mastermight have had his little frolics--but--Lord bless your heart!--menwould be men while the world stands. ' "To argue with this privileged first-born of reason, I perceived, wouldbe vain. I therefore only requested him to let me remain another day athis house, while I sought for a lodging; and not to inform Mr. Venablesthat I had ever been sheltered there. "He consented, because he had not the courage to refuse a person forwhom he had an habitual respect; but I heard the pent-up choler burstforth in curses, when he met his wife, who was waiting impatiently atthe foot of the stairs, to know what effect my expostulations would haveon him. "Without wasting any time in the fruitless indulgence of vexation, Ionce more set out in search of an abode in which I could hide myself fora few weeks. "Agreeing to pay an exorbitant price, I hired an apartment, without anyreference being required relative to my character: indeed, a glance atmy shape seemed to say, that my motive for concealment was sufficientlyobvious. Thus was I obliged to shroud my head in infamy. "To avoid all danger of detection--I use the appropriate word, my child, for I was hunted out like a felon--I determined to take possession of mynew lodgings that very evening. "I did not inform my landlady where I was going. I knew that she had asincere affection for me, and would willingly have run any risk to showher gratitude; yet I was fully convinced, that a few kind words fromJohnny would have found the woman in her, and her dear benefactress, as she termed me in an agony of tears, would have been sacrificed, torecompense her tyrant for condescending to treat her like an equal. Hecould be kind-hearted, as she expressed it, when he pleased. And thisthawed sternness, contrasted with his habitual brutality, was the moreacceptable, and could not be purchased at too dear a rate. "The sight of the advertisement made me desirous of taking refuge withmy uncle, let what would be the consequence; and I repaired in a hackneycoach (afraid of meeting some person who might chance to know me, had Iwalked) to the chambers of my uncle's friend. "He received me with great politeness (my uncle had already prepossessedhim in my favour), and listened, with interest, to my explanation of themotives which had induced me to fly from home, and skulk in obscurity, with all the timidity of fear that ought only to be the companion ofguilt. He lamented, with rather more gallantry than, in my situation, I thought delicate, that such a woman should be thrown away on a maninsensible to the charms of beauty or grace. He seemed at a loss what toadvise me to do, to evade my husband's search, without hastening to myuncle, whom, he hesitating said, I might not find alive. He uttered thisintelligence with visible regret; requested me, at least, to wait forthe arrival of the next packet; offered me what money I wanted, andpromised to visit me. "He kept his word; still no letter arrived to put an end to my painfulstate of suspense. I procured some books and music, to beguile thetedious solitary days. 'Come, ever smiling Liberty, 'And with thee bring thy jocund train:' I sung--and sung till, saddened by the strain of joy, I bitterlylamented the fate that deprived me of all social pleasure. Comparativeliberty indeed I had possessed myself of; but the jocund train laggedfar behind!" CHAPTER 13 "BY WATCHING my only visitor, my uncle's friend, or by some other means, Mr. Venables discovered my residence, and came to enquire for me. Themaid-servant assured him there was no such person in the house. A bustleensued--I caught the alarm--listened--distinguished his voice, andimmediately locked the door. They suddenly grew still; and I waitednear a quarter of an hour, before I heard him open the parlour door, and mount the stairs with the mistress of the house, who obsequiouslydeclared that she knew nothing of me. "Finding my door locked, she requested me to open it, and prepare to gohome with my husband, poor gentleman! to whom I had already occasionedsufficient vexation. ' I made no reply. Mr. Venables then, in an assumedtone of softness, intreated me, 'to consider what he suffered, and myown reputation, and get the better of childish resentment. ' He ran onin the same strain, pretending to address me, but evidently adapting hisdiscourse to the capacity of the landlady; who, at every pause, utteredan exclamation of pity; or 'Yes, to be sure--Very true, sir. ' "Sick of the farce, and perceiving that I could not avoid the hatedinterview, I opened the door, and he entered. Advancing with easyassurance to take my hand, I shrunk from his touch, with an involuntarystart, as I should have done from a noisome reptile, with more disgustthan terror. His conductress was retiring, to give us, as she said, anopportunity to accommodate matters. But I bade her come in, or I wouldgo out; and curiosity impelled her to obey me. "Mr. Venables began to expostulate; and this woman, proud of hisconfidence, to second him. But I calmly silenced her, in the midst of avulgar harangue, and turning to him, asked, 'Why he vainly tormented me?declaring that no power on earth should force me back to his house. ' "After a long altercation, the particulars of which, it would be tono purpose to repeat, he left the room. Some time was spent in loudconversation in the parlour below, and I discovered that he had broughthis friend, an attorney, with him. * * In the original edition the paragraph following is preceded by three lines of asterisks [Publisher's note]. "The tumult on the landing place, brought out a gentleman, who hadrecently taken apartments in the house; he enquired why I was thusassailed?* The voluble attorney instantly repeated the trite tale. Thestranger turned to me, observing, with the most soothing politeness andmanly interest, that 'my countenance told a very different story. ' Headded, 'that I should not be insulted, or forced out of the house, byany body. ' * The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria, in an early stage of the history, is already stated (Chap. III. ) to have been an after-thought of the author. This has probably caused the imperfectness of the manuscript in the above passage; though, at the same time, it must be acknowledged to be somewhat uncertain, whether Darnford is the stranger intended in this place. It appears from Chap. XVII, that an interference of a more decisive nature was designed to be attributed to him. EDITOR. [Godwin's note] "'Not by her husband?' asked the attorney. "'No, sir, not by her husband. ' Mr. Venables advanced towards him--Butthere was a decision in his attitude, that so well seconded that of hisvoice, * They left the house: at the same time protesting, that any onethat should dare to protect me, should be prosecuted with the utmostrigour. * Two and a half lines of asterisks appear here in the original [Publisher's note]. "They were scarcely out of the house, when my landlady came up to meagain, and begged my pardon, in a very different tone. For, though Mr. Venables had bid her, at her peril, harbour me, he had not attended, I found, to her broad hints, to discharge the lodging. I instantlypromised to pay her, and make her a present to compensate for my abruptdeparture, if she would procure me another lodging, at a sufficientdistance; and she, in return, repeating Mr. Venables' plausible tale, Iraised her indignation, and excited her sympathy, by telling her brieflythe truth. "She expressed her commiseration with such honest warmth, that I feltsoothed; for I have none of that fastidious sensitiveness, which avulgar accent or gesture can alarm to the disregard of real kindness. Iwas ever glad to perceive in others the humane feelings I delightedto exercise; and the recollection of some ridiculous characteristiccircumstances, which have occurred in a moment of emotion, has convulsedme with laughter, though at the instant I should have thought itsacrilegious to have smiled. Your improvement, my dearest girl, beingever present to me while I write, I note these feelings, because women, more accustomed to observe manners than actions, are too much alive toridicule. So much so, that their boasted sensibility is often stifled byfalse delicacy. True sensibility, the sensibility which is the auxiliaryof virtue, and the soul of genius, is in society so occupied with thefeelings of others, as scarcely to regard its own sensations. With whatreverence have I looked up at my uncle, the dear parent of my mind! whenI have seen the sense of his own sufferings, of mind and body, absorbedin a desire to comfort those, whose misfortunes were comparativelytrivial. He would have been ashamed of being as indulgent to himself, as he was to others. 'Genuine fortitude, ' he would assert, 'consisted ingoverning our own emotions, and making allowance for the weaknesses inour friends, that we would not tolerate in ourselves. ' But where is myfond regret leading me! "'Women must be submissive, ' said my landlady. 'Indeed what could mostwomen do? Who had they to maintain them, but their husbands? Everywoman, and especially a lady, could not go through rough and smooth, asshe had done, to earn a little bread. ' "She was in a talking mood, and proceeded to inform me how she had beenused in the world. 'She knew what it was to have a bad husband, orshe did not know who should. ' I perceived that she would be very muchmortified, were I not to attend to her tale, and I did not attempt tointerrupt her, though I wished her, as soon as possible, to go out insearch of a new abode for me, where I could once more hide my head. "She began by telling me, 'That she had saved a little money in service;and was over-persuaded (we must all be in love once in our lives) tomarry a likely man, a footman in the family, not worth a groat. Myplan, ' she continued, 'was to take a house, and let out lodgings; andall went on well, till my husband got acquainted with an impudent slut, who chose to live on other people's means--and then all went to rack andruin. He ran in debt to buy her fine clothes, such clothes as I neverthought of wearing myself, and--would you believe it?--he signed anexecution on my very goods, bought with the money I worked so hard toget; and they came and took my bed from under me, before I heard a wordof the matter. Aye, madam, these are misfortunes that you gentlefolksknow nothing of, --but sorrow is sorrow, let it come which way it will. "'I sought for a service again--very hard, after having a house of myown!--but he used to follow me, and kick up such a riot when he wasdrunk, that I could not keep a place; nay, he even stole my clothes, andpawned them; and when I went to the pawnbroker's, and offered to take myoath that they were not bought with a farthing of his money, they said, 'It was all as one, my husband had a right to whatever I had. ' "'At last he listed for a soldier, and I took a house, making anagreement to pay for the furniture by degrees; and I almost starvedmyself, till I once more got before-hand in the world. "'After an absence of six years (God forgive me! I thought he was dead)my husband returned; found me out, and came with such a penitent face, I forgave him, and clothed him from head to foot. But he had not beena week in the house, before some of his creditors arrested him; and, heselling my goods, I found myself once more reduced to beggary; for Iwas not as well able to work, go to bed late, and rise early, as when Iquitted service; and then I thought it hard enough. He was soon tired ofme, when there was nothing more to be had, and left me again. "I will not tell you how I was buffeted about, till, hearing for certainthat he had died in an hospital abroad, I once more returned to my oldoccupation; but have not yet been able to get my head above water: so, madam, you must not be angry if I am afraid to run any risk, when I knowso well, that women have always the worst of it, when law is to decide. ' "After uttering a few more complaints, I prevailed on my landlady to goout in quest of a lodging; and, to be more secure, I condescended to themean shift of changing my name. "But why should I dwell on similar incidents!--I was hunted, like aninfected beast, from three different apartments, and should not havebeen allowed to rest in any, had not Mr. Venables, informed of myuncle's dangerous state of health, been inspired with the fear ofhurrying me out of the world as I advanced in my pregnancy, by thustormenting and obliging me to take sudden journeys to avoid him; andthen his speculations on my uncle's fortune must prove abortive. "One day, when he had pursued me to an inn, I fainted, hurrying fromhim; and, falling down, the sight of my blood alarmed him, and obtaineda respite for me. It is strange that he should have retained any hope, after observing my unwavering determination; but, from the mildness ofmy behaviour, when I found all my endeavours to change his dispositionunavailing, he formed an erroneous opinion of my character, imaginingthat, were we once more together, I should part with the money hecould not legally force from me, with the same facility as formerly. My forbearance and occasional sympathy he had mistaken for weaknessof character; and, because he perceived that I disliked resistance, he thought my indulgence and compassion mere selfishness, and neverdiscovered that the fear of being unjust, or of unnecessarily woundingthe feelings of another, was much more painful to me, than any thing Icould have to endure myself. Perhaps it was pride which made me imagine, that I could bear what I dreaded to inflict; and that it was ofteneasier to suffer, than to see the sufferings of others. "I forgot to mention that, during this persecution, I received a letterfrom my uncle, informing me, 'that he only found relief from continualchange of air; and that he intended to return when the spring was alittle more advanced (it was now the middle of February), and then wewould plan a journey to Italy, leaving the fogs and cares of Englandfar behind. ' He approved of my conduct, promised to adopt my child, and seemed to have no doubt of obliging Mr. Venables to hear reason. He wrote to his friend, by the same post, desiring him to call onMr. Venables in his name; and, in consequence of the remonstrances hedictated, I was permitted to lie-in tranquilly. "The two or three weeks previous, I had been allowed to rest in peace;but, so accustomed was I to pursuit and alarm, that I seldom closed myeyes without being haunted by Mr. Venables' image, who seemed to assumeterrific or hateful forms to torment me, wherever I turned. --Sometimesa wild cat, a roaring bull, or hideous assassin, whom I vainly attemptedto fly; at others he was a demon, hurrying me to the brink of aprecipice, plunging me into dark waves, or horrid gulfs; and I woke, inviolent fits of trembling anxiety, to assure myself that it was alla dream, and to endeavour to lure my waking thoughts to wander to thedelightful Italian vales, I hoped soon to visit; or to picture someaugust ruins, where I reclined in fancy on a mouldering column, and escaped, in the contemplation of the heart-enlarging virtues ofantiquity, from the turmoil of cares that had depressed all the daringpurposes of my soul. But I was not long allowed to calm my mind bythe exercise of my imagination; for the third day after your birth, mychild, I was surprised by a visit from my elder brother; who came in themost abrupt manner, to inform me of the death of my uncle. He had leftthe greater part of his fortune to my child, appointing me its guardian;in short, every step was taken to enable me to be mistress of hisfortune, without putting any part of it in Mr. Venables' power. Mybrother came to vent his rage on me, for having, as he expressedhimself, 'deprived him, my uncle's eldest nephew, of his inheritance;'though my uncle's property, the fruit of his own exertion, being all inthe funds, or on landed securities, there was not a shadow of justice inthe charge. "As I sincerely loved my uncle, this intelligence brought on a fever, which I struggled to conquer with all the energy of my mind; for, in mydesolate state, I had it very much at heart to suckle you, my poorbabe. You seemed my only tie to life, a cherub, to whom I wished to bea father, as well as a mother; and the double duty appeared to me toproduce a proportionate increase of affection. But the pleasure I felt, while sustaining you, snatched from the wreck of hope, was cruellydamped by melancholy reflections on my widowed state--widowed by thedeath of my uncle. Of Mr. Venables I thought not, even when I thought ofthe felicity of loving your father, and how a mother's pleasure mightbe exalted, and her care softened by a husband's tenderness. --'Ought tobe!' I exclaimed; and I endeavoured to drive away the tenderness thatsuffocated me; but my spirits were weak, and the unbidden tears wouldflow. 'Why was I, ' I would ask thee, but thou didst not heed me, --'cutoff from the participation of the sweetest pleasure of life?' I imaginedwith what extacy, after the pains of child-bed, I should have presentedmy little stranger, whom I had so long wished to view, to a respectablefather, and with what maternal fondness I should have pressed them bothto my heart!--Now I kissed her with less delight, though with the mostendearing compassion, poor helpless one! when I perceived a slightresemblance of him, to whom she owed her existence; or, if any gesturereminded me of him, even in his best days, my heart heaved, and Ipressed the innocent to my bosom, as if to purify it--yes, I blushed tothink that its purity had been sullied, by allowing such a man to be itsfather. "After my recovery, I began to think of taking a house in the country, or of making an excursion on the continent, to avoid Mr. Venables; andto open my heart to new pleasures and affection. The spring was meltinginto summer, and you, my little companion, began to smile--that smilemade hope bud out afresh, assuring me the world was not a desert. Yourgestures were ever present to my fancy; and I dwelt on the joy I shouldfeel when you would begin to walk and lisp. Watching your wakening mind, and shielding from every rude blast my tender blossom, I recovered myspirits--I dreamed not of the frost--'the killing frost, ' to which youwere destined to be exposed. --But I lose all patience--and execrate theinjustice of the world--folly! ignorance!--I should rather call it; but, shut up from a free circulation of thought, and always pondering on thesame griefs, I writhe under the torturing apprehensions, which ought toexcite only honest indignation, or active compassion; and would, couldI view them as the natural consequence of things. But, born a woman--andborn to suffer, in endeavouring to repress my own emotions, I feel moreacutely the various ills my sex are fated to bear--I feel that the evilsthey are subject to endure, degrade them so far below their oppressors, as almost to justify their tyranny; leading at the same time superficialreasoners to term that weakness the cause, which is only the consequenceof short-sighted despotism. " CHAPTER 14 "AS MY MIND grew calmer, the visions of Italy again returned with theirformer glow of colouring; and I resolved on quitting the kingdom fora time, in search of the cheerfulness, that naturally results from achange of scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow with us, and only seewhat we feel. "During the period necessary to prepare for a long absence, I sent asupply to pay my father's debts, and settled my brothers in eligiblesituations; but my attention was not wholly engrossed by my family, though I do not think it necessary to enumerate the common exertions ofhumanity. The manner in which my uncle's property was settled, preventedme from making the addition to the fortune of my surviving sister, thatI could have wished; but I had prevailed on him to bequeath her twothousand pounds, and she determined to marry a lover, to whom she hadbeen some time attached. Had it not been for this engagement, I shouldhave invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I might have escapedthe pit, so artfully dug in my path, when I was the least aware ofdanger. "I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but thisstate of freedom was too peaceful to last, and I had soon reason to wishto hasten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the same attorneywho had accompanied him in several excursions to hunt me from my hidingplaces, waited on me to propose a reconciliation. On my refusal, heindirectly advised me to make over to my husband--for husband he wouldterm him--the greater part of the property I had at command, menacingme with continual persecution unless I complied, and that, as a lastresort, he would claim the child. I did not, though intimidated by thelast insinuation, scruple to declare, that I would not allow him tosquander the money left to me for far different purposes, but offeredhim five hundred pounds, if he would sign a bond not to torment me anymore. My maternal anxiety made me thus appear to waver from my firstdetermination, and probably suggested to him, or his diabolical agent, the infernal plot, which has succeeded but too well. "The bond was executed; still I was impatient to leave England. Mischiefhung in the air when we breathed the same; I wanted seas to divide us, and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had the meansof helping him through a new scheme. Disturbed by the late occurrences, I instantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was waiting for amaid-servant, who spoke French fluently, and had been warmly recommendedto me. A valet I was advised to hire, when I fixed on my place ofresidence for any time. "My God, with what a light heart did I set out for Dover!--It was notmy country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart seemedto bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on whichthey twirled. I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming 'And you will besafe--quite safe--when--we are once on board the packet. --Would we werethere!' I smiled at my idle fears, as the natural effect of continualalarm; and I scarcely owned to myself that I dreaded Mr. Venables'scunning, or was conscious of the horrid delight he would feel, atforming stratagem after stratagem to circumvent me. I was already inthe snare--I never reached the packet--I never saw thee more. --I growbreathless. I have scarcely patience to write down the details. Themaid--the plausible woman I had hired--put, doubtless, some stupefyingpotion in what I ate or drank, the morning I left town. All I know is, that she must have quitted the chaise, shameless wretch! and taken (frommy breast) my babe with her. How could a creature in a female formsee me caress thee, and steal thee from my arms! I must stop, stop torepress a mother's anguish; lest, in bitterness of soul, I imprecate thewrath of heaven on this tiger, who tore my only comfort from me. "How long I slept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at theclose of day, in a strange confusion of thought. I was probably rousedto recollection by some one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting to ask where I was, my voice died away, and I tried toraise it in vain, as I have done in a dream. I looked for my babewith affright; feared that it had fallen out of my lap, while I had sostrangely forgotten her; and, such was the vague intoxication, I cangive it no other name, in which I was plunged, I could not recollectwhen or where I last saw you; but I sighed, as if my heart wanted roomto clear my head. "The gates opened heavily, and the sullen sound of many locks andbolts drawn back, grated on my very soul, before I was appalled by thecreeking of the dismal hinges, as they closed after me. The gloomy pilewas before me, half in ruins; some of the aged trees of the avenue werecut down, and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached somemouldering steps, a monstrous dog darted forwards to the length of hischain, and barked and growled infernally. "The door was opened slowly, and a murderous visage peeped out, with alantern. 'Hush!' he uttered, in a threatning tone, and the affrightedanimal stole back to his kennel. The door of the chaise flew back, thestranger put down the lantern, and clasped his dreadful arms around me. It was certainly the effect of the soporific draught, for, instead ofexerting my strength, I sunk without motion, though not without sense, on his shoulder, my limbs refusing to obey my will. I was carried up thesteps into a close-shut hall. A candle flaring in the socket, scarcelydispersed the darkness, though it displayed to me the ferociouscountenance of the wretch who held me. "He mounted a wide staircase. Large figures painted on the walls seemedto start on me, and glaring eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering along gallery, a dismal shriek made me spring out of my conductor's arms, with I know not what mysterious emotion of terror; but I fell on thefloor, unable to sustain myself. "A strange-looking female started out of one of the recesses, andobserved me with more curiosity than interest; till, sternly bidretire, she flitted back like a shadow. Other faces, strongly marked, or distorted, peeped through the half-opened doors, and I heard someincoherent sounds. I had no distinct idea where I could be--I looked onall sides, and almost doubted whether I was alive or dead. "Thrown on a bed, I immediately sunk into insensibility again; andnext day, gradually recovering the use of reason, I began, startingaffrighted from the conviction, to discover where I was confined--Iinsisted on seeing the master of the mansion--I saw him--and perceivedthat I was buried alive. -- "Such, my child, are the events of thy mother's life to this dreadfulmoment--Should she ever escape from the fangs of her enemies, she willadd the secrets of her prison-house--and--" Some lines were here crossed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptlywith the names of Jemima and Darnford. APPENDIX ADVERTISEMENT* THE performance, with a fragment of which the reader has now beenpresented, was designed to consist of three parts. The preceding sheetswere considered as constituting one of those parts. Those persons who inthe perusal of the chapters, already written and in some degree finishedby the author, have felt their hearts awakened, and their curiosityexcited as to the sequel of the story, will, of course, gladly accepteven of the broken paragraphs and half-finished sentences, which havebeen found committed to paper, as materials for the remainder. Thefastidious and cold-hearted critic may perhaps feel himself repelledby the incoherent form in which they are presented. But an inquisitivetemper willingly accepts the most imperfect and mutilated information, where better is not to be had: and readers, who in any degree resemblethe author in her quick apprehension of sentiment, and of the pleasuresand pains of imagination, will, I believe, find gratification, incontemplating sketches, which were designed in a short time to havereceived the finishing touches of her genius; but which must now forever remain a mark to record the triumphs of mortality, over schemes ofusefulness, and projects of public interest. * Presumed to have been written by Godwin [Publisher's note]. CHAPTER 15 DARNFORD returned the memoirs to Maria, with a most affectionate letter, in which he reasoned on "the absurdity of the laws respecting matrimony, which, till divorces could be more easily obtained, was, " he declared, "the most insufferable bondage. " Ties of this nature could not bind mindsgoverned by superior principles; and such beings were privileged to actabove the dictates of laws they had no voice in framing, if they hadsufficient strength of mind to endure the natural consequence. In hercase, to talk of duty, was a farce, excepting what was due to herself. Delicacy, as well as reason, forbade her ever to think of returning toher husband: was she then to restrain her charming sensibility throughmere prejudice? These arguments were not absolutely impartial, for hedisdained to conceal, that, when he appealed to her reason, he feltthat he had some interest in her heart. --The conviction was not moretransporting, than sacred--a thousand times a day, he asked himself howhe had merited such happiness?--and as often he determined to purify theheart she deigned to inhabit--He intreated to be again admitted to herpresence. He was; and the tear which glistened in his eye, when he respectfullypressed her to his bosom, rendered him peculiarly dear to theunfortunate mother. Grief had stilled the transports of love, only torender their mutual tenderness more touching. In former interviews, Darnford had contrived, by a hundred little pretexts, to sit nearher, to take her hand, or to meet her eyes--now it was all soothingaffection, and esteem seemed to have rivalled love. He adverted to hernarrative, and spoke with warmth of the oppression she had endured. --Hiseyes, glowing with a lambent flame, told her how much he wished torestore her to liberty and love; but he kissed her hand, as if it hadbeen that of a saint; and spoke of the loss of her child, as if it hadbeen his own. --What could have been more flattering to Maria?--Everyinstance of self-denial was registered in her heart, and she loved him, for loving her too well to give way to the transports of passion. They met again and again; and Darnford declared, while passion suffusedhis cheeks, that he never before knew what it was to love. -- One morning Jemima informed Maria, that her master intended to wait onher, and speak to her without witnesses. He came, and brought a letterwith him, pretending that he was ignorant of its contents, though heinsisted on having it returned to him. It was from the attorney alreadymentioned, who informed her of the death of her child, and hinted, "thatshe could not now have a legitimate heir, and that, would she make overthe half of her fortune during life, she should be conveyed to Dover, and permitted to pursue her plan of travelling. " Maria answered with warmth, "That she had no terms to make with themurderer of her babe, nor would she purchase liberty at the price of herown respect. " She began to expostulate with her jailor; but he sternly bade her "Besilent--he had not gone so far, not to go further. " Darnford came in the evening. Jemima was obliged to be absent, andshe, as usual, locked the door on them, to prevent interruption ordiscovery. --The lovers were, at first, embarrassed; but fell insensiblyinto confidential discourse. Darnford represented, "that they mightsoon be parted, " and wished her "to put it out of the power of fate toseparate them. " As her husband she now received him, and he solemnly pledged himself asher protector--and eternal friend. -- There was one peculiarity in Maria's mind: she was more anxious not todeceive, than to guard against deception; and had rather trust withoutsufficient reason, than be for ever the prey of doubt. Besides, whatare we, when the mind has, from reflection, a certain kind of elevation, which exalts the contemplation above the little concerns of prudence! Wesee what we wish, and make a world of our own--and, though reality maysometimes open a door to misery, yet the moments of happiness procuredby the imagination, may, without a paradox, be reckoned among the solidcomforts of life. Maria now, imagining that she had found a being ofcelestial mould--was happy, --nor was she deceived. --He was then plasticin her impassioned hand--and reflected all the sentiments which animatedand warmed her. * * Two and a half lines of dashes follow here in the original [Publisher's note]. CHAPTER 16 ONE morning confusion seemed to reign in the house, and Jemima camein terror, to inform Maria, "that her master had left it, with adetermination, she was assured (and too many circumstances corroboratedthe opinion, to leave a doubt of its truth) of never returning. I amprepared then, " said Jemima, "to accompany you in your flight. " Maria started up, her eyes darting towards the door, as if afraid thatsome one should fasten it on her for ever. Jemima continued, "I have perhaps no right now to expect the performanceof your promise; but on you it depends to reconcile me with the humanrace. " "But Darnford!"--exclaimed Maria, mournfully--sitting down again, andcrossing her arms--"I have no child to go to, and liberty has lost itssweets. " "I am much mistaken, if Darnford is not the cause of my master'sflight--his keepers assure me, that they have promised to confine himtwo days longer, and then he will be free--you cannot see him; but theywill give a letter to him the moment he is free. --In that informhim where he may find you in London; fix on some hotel. Give me yourclothes; I will send them out of the house with mine, and we willslip out at the garden-gate. Write your letter while I make thesearrangements, but lose no time!" In an agitation of spirit, not to be calmed, Maria began to write toDarnford. She called him by the sacred name of "husband, " and bade him"hasten to her, to share her fortune, or she would return to him. "--Anhotel in the Adelphi was the place of rendezvous. The letter was sealed and given in charge; and with light footsteps, yetterrified at the sound of them, she descended, scarcely breathing, andwith an indistinct fear that she should never get out at the gardengate. Jemima went first. A being, with a visage that would have suited one possessed by a devil, crossed the path, and seized Maria by the arm. Maria had no fear but ofbeing detained--"Who are you? what are you?" for the form was scarcelyhuman. "If you are made of flesh and blood, " his ghastly eyes glared onher, "do not stop me!" "Woman, " interrupted a sepulchral voice, "what have I to do withthee?"--Still he grasped her hand, muttering a curse. "No, no; you have nothing to do with me, " she exclaimed, "this is amoment of life and death!"-- With supernatural force she broke from him, and, throwing her arms roundJemima, cried, "Save me!" The being, from whose grasp she had loosedherself, took up a stone as they opened the door, and with a kind ofhellish sport threw it after them. They were out of his reach. When Maria arrived in town, she drove to the hotel already fixed on. Butshe could not sit still--her child was ever before her; and all that hadpassed during her confinement, appeared to be a dream. She went to thehouse in the suburbs, where, as she now discovered, her babe had beensent. The moment she entered, her heart grew sick; but she wondered notthat it had proved its grave. She made the necessary enquiries, and thechurch-yard was pointed out, in which it rested under a turf. A littlefrock which the nurse's child wore (Maria had made it herself) caughther eye. The nurse was glad to sell it for half-a-guinea, and Mariahastened away with the relic, and, reentering the hackney-coach whichwaited for her, gazed on it, till she reached her hotel. She then waited on the attorney who had made her uncle's will, andexplained to him her situation. He readily advanced her some of themoney which still remained in his hands, and promised to take the wholeof the case into consideration. Maria only wished to be permitted toremain in quiet--She found that several bills, apparently with hersignature, had been presented to her agent, nor was she for a momentat a loss to guess by whom they had been forged; yet, equally averse tothreaten or intreat, she requested her friend [the solicitor] to call onMr. Venables. He was not to be found at home; but at length his agent, the attorney, offered a conditional promise to Maria, to leave her inpeace, as long as she behaved with propriety, if she would give up thenotes. Maria inconsiderately consented--Darnford was arrived, and shewished to be only alive to love; she wished to forget the anguish shefelt whenever she thought of her child. They took a ready furnished lodging together, for she was abovedisguise; Jemima insisting on being considered as her house-keeper, andto receive the customary stipend. On no other terms would she remainwith her friend. Darnford was indefatigable in tracing the mysterious circumstances ofhis confinement. The cause was simply, that a relation, a very distantone, to whom he was heir, had died intestate, leaving a considerablefortune. On the news of Darnford's arrival [in England, a person, intrusted with the management of the property, and who had the writingsin his possession, determining, by one bold stroke, to strip Darnfordof the succession, ] had planned his confinement; and [as soon as he hadtaken the measures he judged most conducive to his object, this ruffian, together with his instrument, ] the keeper of the private mad-house, left the kingdom. Darnford, who still pursued his enquiries, at lastdiscovered that they had fixed their place of refuge at Paris. Maria and he determined therefore, with the faithful Jemima, to visitthat metropolis, and accordingly were preparing for the journey, whenthey were informed that Mr. Venables had commenced an action againstDarnford for seduction and adultery. The indignation Maria felt cannotbe explained; she repented of the forbearance she had exercised ingiving up the notes. Darnford could not put off his journey, withoutrisking the loss of his property: Maria therefore furnished him withmoney for his expedition; and determined to remain in London till thetermination of this affair. She visited some ladies with whom she had formerly been intimate, butwas refused admittance; and at the opera, or Ranelagh, they could notrecollect her. Among these ladies there were some, not her most intimateacquaintance, who were generally supposed to avail themselves of thecloke of marriage, to conceal a mode of conduct, that would for everhave damned their fame, had they been innocent, seduced girls. Theseparticularly stood aloof. --Had she remained with her husband, practicinginsincerity, and neglecting her child to manage an intrigue, she wouldstill have been visited and respected. If, instead of openly livingwith her lover, she could have condescended to call into play a thousandarts, which, degrading her own mind, might have allowed the people whowere not deceived, to pretend to be so, she would have been caressed andtreated like an honourable woman. "And Brutus* is an honourable man!"said Mark-Antony with equal sincerity. * The name in the manuscript is by mistake written Caesar. EDITOR. [Godwin's note] With Darnford she did not taste uninterrupted felicity; there was avolatility in his manner which often distressed her; but love gladdenedthe scene; besides, he was the most tender, sympathizing creature in theworld. A fondness for the sex often gives an appearance of humanity tothe behaviour of men, who have small pretensions to the reality;and they seem to love others, when they are only pursuing their owngratification. Darnford appeared ever willing to avail himself of hertaste and acquirements, while she endeavoured to profit by his decisionof character, and to eradicate some of the romantic notions, which hadtaken root in her mind, while in adversity she had brooded over visionsof unattainable bliss. The real affections of life, when they are allowed to burst forth, arebuds pregnant with joy and all the sweet emotions of the soul; yet theybranch out with wild ease, unlike the artificial forms of felicity, sketched by an imagination painful alive. The substantial happiness, which enlarges and civilizes the mind, may be compared to the pleasureexperienced in roving through nature at large, inhaling the sweet galenatural to the clime; while the reveries of a feverish imaginationcontinually sport themselves in gardens full of aromatic shrubs, whichcloy while they delight, and weaken the sense of pleasure they gratify. The heaven of fancy, below or beyond the stars, in this life, or inthose ever-smiling regions surrounded by the unmarked ocean of futurity, have an insipid uniformity which palls. Poets have imagined scenes ofbliss; but, sencing out sorrow, all the extatic emotions of the Soul, and even its grandeur, seem to be equally excluded. We dose over theunruffled lake, and long to scale the rocks which fence the happy valleyof contentment, though serpents hiss in the pathless desert, and dangerlurks in the unexplored wiles. Maria found herself more indulgent asshe was happier, and discovered virtues, in characters she had beforedisregarded, while chasing the phantoms of elegance and excellence, which sported in the meteors that exhale in the marshes of misfortune. The heart is often shut by romance against social pleasure; and, fostering a sickly sensibility, grows callous to the soft touches ofhumanity. To part with Darnford was indeed cruel. --It was to feel most painfullyalone; but she rejoiced to think, that she should spare him the care andperplexity of the suit, and meet him again, all his own. Marriage, asat present constituted, she considered as leading to immorality--yet, as the odium of society impedes usefulness, she wished to avow heraffection to Darnford, by becoming his wife according to establishedrules; not to be confounded with women who act from very differentmotives, though her conduct would be just the same without the ceremonyas with it, and her expectations from him not less firm. The beingsummoned to defend herself from a charge which she was determined toplead guilty to, was still galling, as it roused bitter reflections onthe situation of women in society. CHAPTER 17 SUCH was her state of mind when the dogs of law were let loose on her. Maria took the task of conducting Darnford's defence upon herself. Sheinstructed his counsel to plead guilty to the charge of adultery; but todeny that of seduction. The counsel for the plaintiff opened the cause, by observing, "that hisclient had ever been an indulgent husband, and had borne with severaldefects of temper, while he had nothing criminal to lay to the chargeof his wife. But that she left his house without assigning any cause. Hecould not assert that she was then acquainted with the defendant; yet, when he was once endeavouring to bring her back to her home, this manput the peace-officers to flight, and took her he knew not whither. After the birth of her child, her conduct was so strange, and amelancholy malady having afflicted one of the family, which delicacyforbade the dwelling on, it was necessary to confine her. By somemeans the defendant enabled her to make her escape, and they had livedtogether, in despite of all sense of order and decorum. The adultery wasallowed, it was not necessary to bring any witnesses to prove it; butthe seduction, though highly probable from the circumstances which hehad the honour to state, could not be so clearly proved. --It was of themost atrocious kind, as decency was set at defiance, and respect forreputation, which shows internal compunction, utterly disregarded. " A strong sense of injustice had silenced every motion, which a mixtureof true and false delicacy might otherwise have excited in Maria'sbosom. She only felt in earnest to insist on the privilege of hernature. The sarcasms of society, and the condemnations of a mistakenworld, were nothing to her, compared with acting contrary to thosefeelings which were the foundation of her principles. [She thereforeeagerly put herself forward, instead of desiring to be absent, on thismemorable occasion. ] Convinced that the subterfuges of the law were disgraceful, she wrote apaper, which she expressly desired might be read in court: "Married when scarcely able to distinguish the nature of the engagement, I yet submitted to the rigid laws which enslave women, and obeyed theman whom I could no longer love. Whether the duties of the state arereciprocal, I mean not to discuss; but I can prove repeated infidelitieswhich I overlooked or pardoned. Witnesses are not wanting to establishthese facts. I at present maintain the child of a maid servant, swornto him, and born after our marriage. I am ready to allow, that educationand circumstances lead men to think and act with less delicacy, than thepreservation of order in society demands from women; but surely I maywithout assumption declare, that, though I could excuse the birth, Icould not the desertion of this unfortunate babe:--and, while Idespised the man, it was not easy to venerate the husband. With properrestrictions however, I revere the institution which fraternizes theworld. I exclaim against the laws which throw the whole weight ofthe yoke on the weaker shoulders, and force women, when they claimprotectorship as mothers, to sign a contract, which renders themdependent on the caprice of the tyrant, whom choice or necessity hasappointed to reign over them. Various are the cases, in which a womanought to separate herself from her husband; and mine, I may be allowedemphatically to insist, comes under the description of the mostaggravated. "I will not enlarge on those provocations which only the individual canestimate; but will bring forward such charges only, the truth of whichis an insult upon humanity. In order to promote certain destructivespeculations, Mr. Venables prevailed on me to borrow certain sums of awealthy relation; and, when I refused further compliance, he thought ofbartering my person; and not only allowed opportunities to, but urged, a friend from whom he borrowed money, to seduce me. On the discovery ofthis act of atrocity, I determined to leave him, and in the mostdecided manner, for ever. I consider all obligations as made void by hisconduct; and hold, that schisms which proceed from want of principles, can never be healed. "He received a fortune with me to the amount of five thousand pounds. On the death of my uncle, convinced that I could provide for my child, Idestroyed the settlement of that fortune. I required none of my propertyto be returned to me, nor shall enumerate the sums extorted from meduring six years that we lived together. "After leaving, what the law considers as my home, I was hunted like acriminal from place to place, though I contracted no debts, and demandedno maintenance--yet, as the laws sanction such proceeding, and makewomen the property of their husbands, I forbear to animadvert. Afterthe birth of my daughter, and the death of my uncle, who left avery considerable property to myself and child, I was exposed to newpersecution; and, because I had, before arriving at what is termed yearsof discretion, pledged my faith, I was treated by the world, as boundfor ever to a man whose vices were notorious. Yet what are the vicesgenerally known, to the various miseries that a woman may be subject to, which, though deeply felt, eating into the soul, elude description, andmay be glossed over! A false morality is even established, whichmakes all the virtue of women consist in chastity, submission, and theforgiveness of injuries. "I pardon my oppressor--bitterly as I lament the loss of my child, tornfrom me in the most violent manner. But nature revolts, and my soulsickens at the bare supposition, that it could ever be a duty to pretendaffection, when a separation is necessary to prevent my feeling hourlyaversion. "To force me to give my fortune, I was imprisoned--yes; in a privatemad-house. --There, in the heart of misery, I met the man charged withseducing me. We became attached--I deemed, and ever shall deem, myselffree. The death of my babe dissolved the only tie which subsistedbetween me and my, what is termed, lawful husband. "To this person, thus encountered, I voluntarily gave myself, neverconsidering myself as any more bound to transgress the laws of moralpurity, because the will of my husband might be pleaded in my excuse, than to transgress those laws to which [the policy of artificial societyhas] annexed [positive] punishments. --While no command of a husband canprevent a woman from suffering for certain crimes, she must be allowedto consult her conscience, and regulate her conduct, in some degree, byher own sense of right. The respect I owe to myself, demanded my strictadherence to my determination of never viewing Mr. Venables in the lightof a husband, nor could it forbid me from encouraging another. If I amunfortunately united to an unprincipled man, am I for ever to be shutout from fulfilling the duties of a wife and mother?--I wish my countryto approve of my conduct; but, if laws exist, made by the strong tooppress the weak, I appeal to my own sense of justice, and declarethat I will not live with the individual, who has violated every moralobligation which binds man to man. "I protest equally against any charge being brought to criminate theman, whom I consider as my husband. I was six-and-twenty when I leftMr. Venables' roof; if ever I am to be supposed to arrive at an age todirect my own actions, I must by that time have arrived at it. --I actedwith deliberation. --Mr. Darnford found me a forlorn and oppressedwoman, and promised the protection women in the present state of societywant. --But the man who now claims me--was he deprived of my society bythis conduct? The question is an insult to common sense, consideringwhere Mr. Darnford met me. --Mr. Venables' door was indeed open tome--nay, threats and intreaties were used to induce me to return; butwhy? Was affection or honour the motive?--I cannot, it is true, diveinto the recesses of the human heart--yet I presume to assert, [borne out as I am by a variety of circumstances, ] that he was merelyinfluenced by the most rapacious avarice. "I claim then a divorce, and the liberty of enjoying, free frommolestation, the fortune left to me by a relation, who was well awareof the character of the man with whom I had to contend. --I appeal to thejustice and humanity of the jury--a body of men, whose private judgmentmust be allowed to modify laws, that must be unjust, because definiterules can never apply to indefinite circumstances--and I deprecatepunishment upon the man of my choice, freeing him, as I solemnly do, from the charge of seduction. "I did not put myself into a situation to justify a charge of adultery, till I had, from conviction, shaken off the fetters which bound me toMr. Venables. --While I lived with him, I defy the voice of calumny tosully what is termed the fair fame of woman. --Neglected by my husband, I never encouraged a lover; and preserved with scrupulous care, what istermed my honour, at the expence of my peace, till he, who should havebeen its guardian, laid traps to ensnare me. From that moment I believedmyself, in the sight of heaven, free--and no power on earth shall forceme to renounce my resolution. " The judge, in summing up the evidence, alluded to "the fallacy ofletting women plead their feelings, as an excuse for the violation ofthe marriage-vow. For his part, he had always determined to oppose allinnovation, and the newfangled notions which incroached on the good oldrules of conduct. We did not want French principles in public or privatelife--and, if women were allowed to plead their feelings, as an excuseor palliation of infidelity, it was opening a flood-gate for immorality. What virtuous woman thought of her feelings?--It was her duty to loveand obey the man chosen by her parents and relations, who were qualifiedby their experience to judge better for her, than she could forherself. As to the charges brought against the husband, they were vague, supported by no witnesses, excepting that of imprisonment in a privatemadhouse. The proofs of an insanity in the family, might render thathowever a prudent measure; and indeed the conduct of the lady did notappear that of a person of sane mind. Still such a mode of proceedingcould not be justified, and might perhaps entitle the lady [in anothercourt] to a sentence of separation from bed and board, during the jointlives of the parties; but he hoped that no Englishman would legalizeadultery, by enabling the adulteress to enrich her seducer. Too manyrestrictions could not be thrown in the way of divorces, if we wished tomaintain the sanctity of marriage; and, though they might bear a littlehard on a few, very few individuals, it was evidently for the good ofthe whole. " CONCLUSION BY THE EDITOR * * i. E. , Godwin [Publisher's note]. VERY FEW hints exist respecting the plan of the remainder of the work. I find only two detached sentences, and some scattered heads for thecontinuation of the story. I transcribe the whole. I. "Darnford's letters were affectionate; but circumstances occasioneddelays, and the miscarriage of some letters rendered the reception ofwished-for answers doubtful: his return was necessary to calm Maria'smind. " II. "As Darnford had informed her that his business was settled, hisdelaying to return seemed extraordinary; but love to excess, excludesfear or suspicion. " The scattered heads for the continuation of the story, are as follow. * * To understand these minutes, it is necessary the reader should consider each of them as setting out from the same point in the story, viz. The point to which it is brought down in the preceding chapter. [Godwin's note] I. "Trial for adultery--Maria defends herself--A separation from bed andboard is the consequence--Her fortune is thrown into chancery--Darnfordobtains a part of his property--Maria goes into the country. " II. "A prosecution for adultery commenced--Trial--Darnford sets outfor France--Letters--Once more pregnant--He returns--Mysteriousbehaviour--Visit--Expectation--Discovery--Interview--Consequence. " III. "Sued by her husband--Damages awarded to him--Separation from bedand board--Darnford goes abroad--Maria into the country--Provides forher father--Is shunned--Returns to London--Expects to see her lover--Therack of expectation--Finds herself again with child--Delighted--Adiscovery--A visit--A miscarriage--Conclusion. " IV. "Divorced by her husband--Her loverunfaithful--Pregnancy--Miscarriage--Suicide. " [The following passage appears in some respects to deviate from thepreceding hints. It is superscribed] "THE END. "She swallowed the laudanum; her soul was calm--the tempest hadsubsided--and nothing remained but an eager longing to forgetherself--to fly from the anguish she endured to escape fromthought--from this hell of disappointment. "Still her eyes closed not--one remembrance with frightful velocityfollowed another--All the incidents of her life were in arms, embodiedto assail her, and prevent her sinking into the sleep of death. --Hermurdered child again appeared to her, mourning for the babe of which shewas the tomb. --'And could it have a nobler?--Surely it is better todie with me, than to enter on life without a mother's care!--Icannot live!--but could I have deserted my child the moment it wasborn?--thrown it on the troubled wave of life, without a hand to supportit?'--She looked up: 'What have I not suffered!--may I find a fatherwhere I am going!--Her head turned; a stupor ensued; a faintness--'Havea little patience, ' said Maria, holding her swimming head (she thoughtof her mother), 'this cannot last long; and what is a little bodily painto the pangs I have endured?' "A new vision swam before her. Jemima seemed to enter--leading a littlecreature, that, with tottering footsteps, approached the bed. The voiceof Jemima sounding as at a distance, called her--she tried to listen, tospeak, to look! "'Behold your child!' exclaimed Jemima. Maria started off the bed, andfainted. --Violent vomiting followed. "When she was restored to life, Jemima addressed her with greatsolemnity: '----- led me to suspect, that your husband and brotherhad deceived you, and secreted the child. I would not torment you withdoubtful hopes, and I left you (at a fatal moment) to search for thechild!--I snatched her from misery--and (now she is alive again) wouldyou leave her alone in the world, to endure what I have endured?' "Maria gazed wildly at her, her whole frame was convulsed with emotion;when the child, whom Jemima had been tutoring all the journey, utteredthe word 'Mamma!' She caught her to her bosom, and burst into a passionof tears--then, resting the child gently on the bed, as if afraid ofkilling it, --she put her hand to her eyes, to conceal as it were theagonizing struggle of her soul. She remained silent for five minutes, crossing her arms over her bosom, and reclining her head, --thenexclaimed: 'The conflict is over!--I will live for my child!'" A few readers perhaps, in looking over these hints, will wonder how itcould have been practicable, without tediousness, or remitting in anydegree the interest of the story, to have filled, from these slightsketches, a number of pages, more considerable than those which havebeen already presented. But, in reality, these hints, simple as theyare, are pregnant with passion and distress. It is the refuge of barrenauthors only, to crowd their fictions with so great a number of events, as to suffer no one of them to sink into the reader's mind. It isthe province of true genius to develop events, to discover theircapabilities, to ascertain the different passions and sentiments withwhich they are fraught, and to diversify them with incidents, that givereality to the picture, and take a hold upon the mind of a reader oftaste, from which they can never be loosened. It was particularlythe design of the author, in the present instance, to make her storysubordinate to a great moral purpose, that "of exhibiting the misery andoppression, peculiar to women, that arise out of the partial laws andcustoms of society. --This view restrained her fancy. "* It was necessaryfor her, to place in a striking point of view, evils that are toofrequently overlooked, and to drag into light those details ofoppression, of which the grosser and more insensible part of mankindmake little account. * See author's preface. [Godwin's note] THE END.