LETTERS TO A DAUGHTERANDA LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS. 

BYHELEN EKIN STARRETT, Author of "The Future of Educated Women, " etc. 

CHICAGO:JANSEN, McCLURG, & COMPANY. 1886. 

COPYRIGHT, BY JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO. A. D. 1885. 

CONTENTS. 

LETTER I. BEHAVIOR AND MANNERS 5LETTER II. SELF-CONTROL AND SELF-CULTURE 16LETTER III. AIMS IN LIFE 27LETTER IV. PERSONAL HABITS 35LETTER V. SOCIETY--CONVERSATION 46LETTER VI. ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS 59LETTER VII. TACT--UNOBTRUSIVENESS 71LETTER VIII. WHO ARE THE CULTIVATED? 81LETTER IX. RELIGIOUS CULTURE AND DUTY 88

A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS 101

LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER. 

LETTER I. 

BEHAVIOR AND MANNERS. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--One of the greatest blessings I could wish for you, as you pass out from the guardianship of home into life with its dutiesand trials, is that you should possess the power of winning love andfriends. With this power, the poor girl is rich; without it, the richestgirl is poor. In the main, this power of winning friends and lovedepends upon two things: behavior and manners. Between these there is animportant distinction, but one is the outgrowth of the other. The rootof good manners is good behavior. Consider with me for a little whateach implies. 

Behavior is a revealer of real character. It has especially to do withthe more serious duties and relations of life. Its greatest importanceis in the home. How well do I remember a visit, made in my youth, to aschool friend whom I had learned to admire greatly for her superiorintellect, quick wit, power of acquiring knowledge, and ability torecite well in class. In her home she was rude and disrespectful andeven disobedient to her parents; cross and sarcastic with her brothersand sisters; selfish and indolent in all matters pertaining to the workof the household. What a disenchantment was my experience! That greatand good man, who has written so many noble precepts about the conductof life, Mr. Emerson, in speaking of and praising a noble citizen, says:"Never was such force, good meaning, good sense, good action, combinedwith such lovely domestic behavior, such modesty, and persistentpreference for others. " This was what was lacking in my school friend:lovely domestic behavior. Nothing could compensate for this deficiency. 

What was needed in this young girl in order that she might haveexhibited in her daily life a "lovely domestic behavior"? An almosttotal reconstruction of character; such a cultivation of the moral senseas would have made it a matter of conscience with her to "honor herfather and mother, " to be respectful to them and desirous of pleasingand serving them. Selfishness was the main cause of her ill-treatment ofher brothers and sisters, as it was of her indolence, and herindifference to the performance of her share of the household duties. Her behavior in the home was such that she repelled, rather thanattracted, affection. Her own personal preference, mood, feeling, wereconstantly allowed to control her conduct; and the deep underlyingdeficiency in her character was lack of a tender conscience and of asense of duty. 

Lovely domestic behavior is the natural outgrowth and expression of abeautiful, harmonious, and lovely character In order to behavebeautifully, we must cultivate assiduously the graces of the spirit. Wemust persistently strive against selfishness, ill-temper irritability, indolence. It is impossible for the selfish or ill-tempered girl to winlove and friends. Generosity, kindness, self-denial, industry--these arethe traits which inspire love and win friends. These are the graces thatwill make the humblest home beautiful and happy, and without which thecostliest mansion is a mere empty shell. 

One more point in regard to behavior I wish to impress upon your mind asof very great importance, although it relates less to the home and moreto general society. I mean that of modest behavior as distinguishedfrom forwardness and boldness. One of the greatest charms of younggirlhood is modesty; one of the greatest blemishes in the character ofany young person, especially of any young girl or woman, is forwardness, boldness, pertness. The young girl who acts in such a manner as toattract attention in public; who speaks loudly, and jokes and laughs andtells stories in order to be heard by others than her immediatecompanions; who dresses conspicuously; who enjoys being the object ofremark; who expresses opinions on all subjects with forwardself-confidence, is rightly regarded by all thoughtful and cultivatedpeople as one of the most disagreeable and obnoxious characters to bemet with in society. Modesty is one of the loveliest of graces, andshould be constantly cultivated. 

And now you will see what I mean by saying that the root of goodmanners is good behavior. In other words, good manners have their timeand living root in moral qualities and the Christian graces. There is acertain surface display of manners which may be acquired and which maydeceive and pass with those who do not know us intimately; but there isall the difference between such superficial good manners and those whichare real, that there is between the cut bouquet of flowers whichdelights for an hour or two and then withers away, and the living, growing plant which constantly delights us with fresh beauty and bloom. 

What are the characteristics of the agreeable and beautiful manners thatare the ornament and charm of the well-behaved girl? First we shouldplace gentleness, quietness, and serenity or self-possession. It hasbeen well said by an observing social critic, that the person who hasno manners at all has good manners. What is meant by this, and there isa deep truth in it, is that gentle and quiet manners do not attractattention at all. Their greatest charm is their unobtrusiveness, just asthe charm and distinguishing mark of a well-dressed person is that thedress is not striking or obtrusive. You can infer from this howinconsistent with good manners is heat and exaggeration in conversation. It is a just complaint among refined and cultivated people that many, even of the well-educated young women of the present day, talk tooloudly and vehemently; are given to exaggeration of statement and slangexpressions. The greatest blemish of the conversation and manners of theyoung people of to-day is obtrusiveness and exaggeration. Byobtrusiveness I mean a style of speech and manners that attractsattention and remark; by exaggeration I mean the too constant use ofthe superlative in conversation, and a certain incongruity andinappropriateness of expression which is very offensive to thecultivated taste. Such expressions as "perfectly awful, " "perfectlybeautiful, " "too lovely for anything, " "hateful, " "horrible, " mayconstantly be heard in conversation upon trivial and unimportantsubjects in companies of young people whose educational opportunitiesand social advantages would lead us to expect a very different style ofconversation. So of incongruous and inappropriate expressions. "Mygrandfather and grandmother died on the same day of the year? wasn't itfunny?" said a young miss to a companion She meant that it was a strangecircumstance or coincidence. It was the wise remark of a great man that"culture kills exaggeration. " True and careful culture should also weedout from our beautiful and expressive English language all suchincongruities and blemishes of speech as I have indicated. 

Referring once more to what I have said about obtrusiveness, forwardness, or boldness, being an unpleasant characteristic of themanners of many young people of the present day, I want to impress uponyou that much of this boldness arises from lack of deference orreverence for parents, teachers, and older people. This lack ofdeference is a great defect of character in any young person. It ispainfully noticeable in many homes where children never seem to think ofpaying any respect to the presence of their parents or older people;where they will monopolize conversation at table, interrupt theirparents and guests to ask irrelevant questions or relate irrelevantincidents, enter a room abruptly, and, without waiting to learn whetherany one is speaking, at once begin to speak of something pertaining totheir own affairs. All this is bad behavior and bad manners. It ismorally wrong as well. God has commanded that we shall honor our fatherand mother; and one beautiful precept of scripture is, "Thou shalt riseup before the hoary head and honor the face of the old man. "

To sum up in the short space of one letter the more important truths Iwould impress upon your mind in regard to behavior and manners, let mesay this: There are good manuals of etiquette and social form whichshould be read and studied by all young people. There are, also, constant opportunities for observation of the conduct and manners ofpolite people, by which young people may and should profit and learn toobserve the outward forms of society. These are easily learned andpracticed; but the finest, best, most genuine good manners can never beacquired except as they become the natural expression of gentleness, kindness intelligence, respect for parents and elders, and an earnestdesire to do good to our fellow beings. Strive, my dear child, tocherish these graces in your heart, and good behavior and good mannerswill naturally follow. 

LETTER II. 

SELF-CONTROL AND SELF-CULTURE. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--One great and difficult lesson is given to each ofus to learn in this life, which must be learned if we ever hope to livehappy or useful lives. It is the lesson of self-control. Parents andteachers and circumstances may help or hinder in the learning of thislesson; but it depends mainly upon yourself, upon your own individualwill, whether you shall learn it or not. It is the first lesson whichwise parents and teachers strive to teach a child. It is thefundamental, the all-important lesson of life. It extends to everydepartment of our nature and affects every act and-event of our lives. Take notice with me how the possession or non-possession of the power ofself-control affects the lives of young people in a few particulars. 

Certain self-evident duties are imposed upon every rational being. Oneof the first of these is the duty of being usefully employed a largeportion of our time. It is probable that nearly all young people have acertain dislike for work, and self-control must come in to help them dothe work that belongs to them to do. It may help you in acquiring thisself-control to reflect often what a really great thing it is to be ableto compel yourself to do from a sense of duty what you are naturallydisinclined to do? also what an unworthy and, indeed, contemptible thingit is not to be able to make yourself do what you know you ought to do. You are perhaps disinclined, for instance, to rise when you should inthe morning. You feel disposed to indulge your ease and comfort, and tolie in bed when you know you should be awake and preparing for the day. Here is one of the very instances in which if you will learn to controland compel yourself you will soon reap substantial reward. The more youindulge yourself, the harder does the task of rising and getting readyfor the day become. But say to yourself, "I will waken right away, " riseand walk around a little, and you will be surprised to find how soon thehabit of prompt rising will become easy. You have your morning duties toperform, or your lessons to learn. If you say to yourself, when it istime you should begin, "I will not loiter, but immediately set about mywork or study, " you will find in the very act and determination a helpand strength, and pleasure even, which you can never imagine before youhave experienced it. God has so made us that in the very performance ofduty, however trivial, there is a reward and strength and a very highkind of pleasure. But we need firm self-control to compel ourselvesthus to do our duty. I shall rejoice if any words of mine lead you totest for yourself the truth of what I have said. 

Self-control should extend to our speech, temper, and pleasures. To beable to control the tongue is rightly esteemed one of the greatest ofmoral achievements. You remember what the apostle James says, that "ifany man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also tobridle [control] the whole body. " It is so easy to say cross or unkindwords; so easy to make slighting or gossiping remarks about companionsor friends; so hard to efface the painful effects of such hasty orill-considered speech. It is so easy to make a petulant or disrespectfulreply to parents or teachers when they reprove; so much harder, yet somuch better, to acknowledge a fault and feel and express sorrow forwrong-doing. Your own conscience and consciousness tell you how muchhappier you feel when you have done the latter. Yet you need, over andover again, to fortify yourself against temptation to hasty orill-natured or improper speech by determining beforehand that you willnot give way to the temptation; that you will control yourself. Andwhenever you have allowed yourself to be overcome by such temptation youshould make it the occasion of serious reflection and earnest resolve tobe more guarded in future. You will have attained a great deal in thedirection of high and noble character when you have learned to controlyour speech. It is the same in regard to controlling your temper. Butthere is one truth of which I can assure you: If you will learn to besilent and not speak at all when you feel that your temper is getting orhas gotten the better of you, you will soon get the better of yourtemper. There is no such efficient discipline for a hasty temper asdetermined, self-imposed silence. Then, too, there is a dignity aboutsilence under provocation that is impressive and effective. The greatestdisadvantage at which any person can be placed in the eyes of companionsand friends is that of losing control of one's tongue as well as ofone's temper. In nearly every case where we receive provocation oraffront, speech may be silver, but "silence is golden. " The person whokeeps control of his temper controls everyone. 

Self-control, once acquired, will be the most important factor inhelping to shape your life rightly in every direction It will keep youfrom hurtful indulgence in mere pleasure; from harmful indulgence inrich or improper foods; from too much dissipation of time and thought insocial enjoyment It will help you to leave the society of companions andother pleasures in order to put your mind upon your studies or yourtasks; help you, when you find lessons hard and long, and that earnestwork is required to learn them, to perform that long and earnest work;help you, when you feel disposed to give way to indisposition orindolence, to hold steadily on till your tasks, no matter what they are, are accomplished. 

And as good behavior is the root of good manners, so self-control is theroot of all true self-culture. We hear a great deal now-a-days aboutculture, cultured people, cultivated society, etc. , and it is a good andnatural wish to possess culture and to be classed among cultured people. Intelligence and good manners are the only passport into the charmedcircle. Self-control will enable us to become possessed of both. It willenable us to restrain ourselves from all rude, loud, hasty, ungentlespeech and action, help us to modulate our voices, and even cultivateour laughter. It will also enable us, through mental application andeffort, to acquire knowledge. So abundant are the intellectual treasuresnow brought within the reach of everyone by the cheapness of standardeducational works of every kind, that the young person who is notintelligent through reading and study has only himself or herself toblame. Self-control will help you to study and learn faithfully when youare in school; it will help you to decide upon and carry out some usefulcourse of reading and study if you are not in school; and this, eventhough you have many other duties to perform. In every town and villagemay be found persons competent to advise and direct courses of study andreading for those who have the energy to pursue them. You will have noexcuse at any period of your life for failure to progress and improveintellectually, except your own inability to compel yourself to makeuse of the opportunities that lie all around you. 

It is hardly necessary for me to remind you of what you know so well, that in reading you should choose only the best books. We may withoutharm divert the mind for a little each day by light miscellaneousreading, but young people especially need to be warned againstindiscriminate novel or story reading. Here again the virtue ofself-control comes in to help do the right and avoid the wrong. If youdiscover that your taste is more for the improbable highly-wrought pagesof fiction than for such works as are known to everyone as standard andimproving, let it be a sign to you that you should summon yourself-control and compel yourself to a different sort of reading. If youfind that you cannot relish or fix your mind upon standard works ofhistory biography, travel, or any of the many excellent books writtento bring scientific knowledge within the comprehension of the generalreader, then you may conclude rightly that your mind is in a veryuncultivated state. 

Your own efforts and determination--in other words, your power ofself-control--alone can effect anything worthy in self-culture. Toattain the power of self-control in a high degree is one of the greatestand most important aims we can set before us in life. I do not believeit can ever be attained in our own strength. To rightly control temperand speech and conduct requires help from the divine Spirit which isalways around and over us, and within us, if we will but let our heartsbe receptive to its influences. The greatest possible help toself-control is to learn in the moment of temptation to lift the heartto God in earnest aspiration for His help and guidance. A sense of thepresence of God is always a strength, and help when we are conscious ofearnest effort to do right. The Bible says: "It is God that worketh inyou both to will and to do of his good pleasure. " It is one of the greatmysteries and yet one of the most evident truths of life, that we mustwork ourselves, and that God works in and with us, to accomplish anygood thing. That you may know and realize this truth, and learn to findfor yourself the comfort and support and strength of soul that comesfrom seeking after God, is my most earnest hope and prayer for you. 

LETTER III. 

AIMS IN LIFE. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--There is no disputing the fact that in making plansfor life very different motives and aims influence young girls fromthose which influence young men. Every right-minded andaffectionate-natured young girl looks forward to, and hopes most of allto have, a home of her own, which it shall be her life-work to keep andguide. To prepare herself rightly to fulfill all the duties that belongto the mistress of a home, should be the one all-embracing aim of anyyoung girl's life; but with this should be other aims, which may help toprepare her for vicissitudes, emergencies, or disasters, and also giveher worthy occupation and interest in life should she never be calledto the duties of a wife and mother. 

To speak first of preparation to become the mistress of a home, shouldProvidence have such a future in store. What qualities are needed toinsure that a woman shall be a happy home-keeper? Certainly, a goodtemper, a cheerful disposition, a willingness to give time and thoughtto the details of home-keeping, commonly called domestic cares, habitsof order and neatness, and good health, so that one may both give andreceive pleasure while discharging the duties of the home. 

This thought of a possible future home, the abode of love and happiness, should be the greatest safeguard to every young girl in her acquaintanceand association with young men. A high ideal of the exclusiveness ofthat affection which must be the foundation of every true and happyhome, should constrain every young girl to exercise the greatestpossible caution in regard to the advances of acquaintances of theopposite sex. Not that there should be a prudish self-consciousness ofmanner, or a disposition to suspect matrimonial intentions in everyyoung gentleman who is friendly and polite to her, but that all youngmen should be firmly prevented from coming into any intimacy ofacquaintance or relationship that might cause unhappy and mortifyingreflection in after-time. Treat all young men kindly and respectfully, if they are polite and respectful to you. Scorn to encourage any to makeadvances which you know you will one day repel. But in discouraging suchadvances, be kind and respectful. Never do or say anything wilfully towound and give pain to the feelings. Remember that the sharpest grief oflife, as well as its greatest happiness, is connected with thelove-making period in the life of all good young people, and nevertreat with frivolity or rudeness any earnest feeling on the part ofanyone. The young girl who can rudely repulse the sincere advance of anyhonorable young man has some defect in her moral and affectional natureAnd as for any advance by a gentleman, young or old, that is notrespectful or sincere, a young girl is much to blame if it ever happensmore than once. Chaffing and teasing about beaux and courtship andmarriage are very unbecoming, and blur that delicacy of feeling which isthe greatest charm in the relation between young people of oppositesexes. 

Cherishing as the happiest ideal of life the possible future home ofyour own, you should still remember that it may never be yours, andshould make such other provision for living your life as shall help youto the next best thing. The first and highest good, next after a home ofyour own, is to be able to render to the world some service for whichit will pay you, thus making you independent and enabling you to shapeyour life as you wish. You and all young girls of the present generationare happy in having avenues of useful remunerative occupation open toyou on every hand, and society smiles and approves if you work atsomething to win independence and make money. It is scarcely necessaryto remind you that in order to do effective paying work you must choosesome specialty and acquire skill in its exercise before you can hope toearn any considerable wages or salary. While perfecting yourself in thespecialty you will have abundant opportunity to observe that it takespatience, perseverance, and determination, to do any kind of work well. One great reason why so many fail of making any success in life is thatthey have not the power of sticking steadily to their work. They gettired, and want to stop; whereas the true worker works though he istired--works till it doesn't tire him to work; works on, unheeding thenumerous temptations to turn aside to this or that diversion. There arenow so many fields of honorable and profitable employment open to younggirls that it is only necessary for you to choose what you will do. Butmake a choice to do something useful and worthy of your powers. You willbe happier, and you will be a better and nobler woman, for so doing. Youwill be spared the discontent and restlessness of spirit whichcharacterize the girl with nothing in particular to do, and who oftenbecomes on this account a nuisance to all earnest people around her. 

In order to fulfill aright the duties of any relation of life, the firstrequirement the greatest necessity, next to a firm resolution and will, is good health. Without good health there is no substantial foundationfor anything earthly. Good health is the fountain of human enjoyment andthe greatest of earthly riches. It is the great beautifier; it is thegreat preservative of good looks. How strange, then, that so many girlsare so careless, so provokingly careless, of this priceless blessing!How strange that they will wear clothing that they know tends to breakdown their health; tight corsets that compress the lungs and spoil thenatural shape of the body; tight shoes that interfere with thecirculation of blood, and make their noses and hands red, and give thempredisposition to colds and coughs and nervous headaches, all of whichput to severe tests the patience and affection of those around them. Good health is always attractive; ill-health, invalidism, nervousness, are very apt to be repellant. Better good health than beauty, if onewere obliged to choose--which one is not, for good health is one of thechief elements of beauty. 

So, if you aim first to be good and kind and intelligent and industriousand skillful, so that you may be fitted to guide and adorn a home shouldyou be blessed with one, or to be fitted to shape your life tousefulness and independence if you never have a home of your own, and ifin connection with these aims you seek to obtain and preserve goodhealth, you will, so far as this life is concerned, "be thoroughlyfurnished unto all good works. " You will become a noble woman, whoseadorning will be not alone of the outward appearance, but of the innerlife and of the soul--an adorning which, according to St. Paul, "is inthe sight of God of great price. "

LETTER IV. 

PERSONAL HABITS. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--The power of winning love and friends, which issuch a precious possession to all young people especially to younggirls, will, in connection with good behavior and good manners, dependvery largely upon certain personal habits, chief among which are order, neatness, promptness, and cheerfulness. 

The girl or woman who is personally disorderly and untidy in her roomand dress puts a great strain upon the patience and affection of allthose associated with her who are possessed of refined and cultivatedtastes. In fact, I believe there is nothing so disenchanting, socontrary to ideal young womanhood as a lack of neatness and tidiness inperson and dress. This wonderful physical organism with which we havebeen endowed depends for its perfection and health and attractivenessupon the care we give it. The teeth, the hair, the complexion, are alldependent for their beauty--and it is quite right that we should striveto make them beautiful--upon constant attention to those conditionswhich insure their health and perfection. And the most important ofthese conditions is cleanliness. At the present time, no young girl canhope for recognition or welcome in refined and cultivated society, uponwhose teeth tartar and other discoloring deposits are allowed toaccumulate; whose breath is not pure and sweet; whose hair is muggy anduntidily kept; whose finger nails are neglected and dark at the edges. These things may seem trifles, but they are not, for they are theoutward expression of an inward grace; all these marks really revealcharacter. An untidy girl may be talented and good-tempered, but shelacks one of the most essential qualities for gaining and retainingrespect and affection. 

The room of any young girl is a great revealer of character in respectto real refinement and purity of taste, especially if one comes upon itsomewhat unawares. Not very long since, I was called by unexpectedcircumstances to spend a day or two at the house of a friend, where, owing to the severe illness of two members of the family, the sparerooms were not available and I was without delay or warning shown to theprivate room of a young lady member of the family. It was a low atticroom with a deep dormer window, and, seen unfurnished, might be regardedas unattractive in size and shape. But the impression it made as Ientered and surveyed it was of refinement, beauty, repose, and purity. The furniture was plain, but the bed was made up so beautifully, andlooked so inviting in its snowy covering that I did not notice whetherthe bedstead was fine or plain. The carpet and papering of the room wereof light neutral tints, and the broad sloping walls which made the sidesof the dormer window were ornamented, the one with a long branch ofdogwood blossoms, the other with graceful groupings of poppies and swampgrass, painted thereon by the occupant of the room herself. A wickerrocking-chair had a cushion of bright-colored satine firmly tied in, andmatching the ribbons which were drawn through the bordering intersticesof the chair. A small table, another chair, a footstool, and two orthree simple pictures on the walls, along with wash-stand and bureau, completed the furnishing of a room that instantly attracted anddelighted the beholder. But the impression above all others that theroom gave was of perfect purity and sweetness and health; and this wasdue to the beautiful tidiness and cleanliness everywhere apparent. Wash-stand and bureau were in perfect order, with their white mats, clean towels, and every accessory of a refined lady's toilet. The widedeep closet was filled with the appurtenances of a young lady'swardrobe, but was strikingly neat and attractive. Shoes and slipperswere laid neatly in a certain place on the shelves; articles of clothingthat are usually difficult to dispose of in an orderly manner, all hadan appropriate place, and so neatly and tidily was everything arrangedthat one felt sure the purity and order extended to the most secretrecesses of every place in the room. There was no danger in anydirection of coming upon anything that was not in keeping with the roomof a refined and delicate young girl. The drawers of bureau andwash-stand, as I happened to have opportunity to observe them, were assweet and clean and orderly as the rest of the room. I felt betteracquainted with the character of that young girl after two daysoccupation of her beautifully kept and appointed room than a year ofordinary acquaintance would have given me. 

And while I am on the subject of an orderly and daintily kept room, letme tell you that the modern bane of order and neatness in a house is toomany trivial and useless things, intended perhaps for ornament, butconfusing to the eye, offensive to good taste, and more effective forcatching dust than for anything else. The multiplication of cheappicture-cards, wall-pockets, brackets, and all sorts of little uselessknicknacks, has helped on this confusion, till one is almost tempted toregard them as nuisances. A few of these ornamental trifles, arrangedwith an eye to a certain unity of design, may do very well; but, asWilliam Morris, the great apostle of true decorative art in England, hassaid, "Better pure empty space than unworthy and confusing ornament. "You may have heard it related of the great naturalist, Thoreau, that hemade a collection of stones during his rambles, and placed them on hiswriting-table; but when he found he had to dust them every day, he threwthem away. 

This same general principle applies to dress. Too many little trivialornaments will destroy the character and dignity of any costume. Betterone or two ornaments of good quality, or better none at all, than half adozen of poor quality. And in regard to a young girl's wardrobe, thesame fundamental rule prevails: if every article of apparel is notdaintily clean, it is unbecoming and unworthy a refined personality. Soiled laces and soiled ribbons are to be shunned; but betteruntidiness and soil of the outward apparel than of that which we know bythe general name of underwear, which is far more personal and importantthan the outward costume. The more refined the character and taste ofany young girl, the more particular will she be in the matter of allarticles of apparel that are private to herself, that they shall atleast be daintily neat and clean. I need not say to you howdisenchanting it is to see a young lady's foot with a shoe half buttonedbecause half the buttons are gone; or to see a slipper slip off anddisclose neglected and untidy hose. No young girl of proper self-respector refinement will ever tolerate any such blemishes in her wardrobe. 

Next in importance to habits of order and personal neatness comes thehabit of promptness. The girl who loiters and dawdles and keeps peoplewaiting, who is behindhand with her work as well as in keeping herappointments, who is never ready at meal-time, but who is always readywith some excuse for such annoying conduct, is a household nuisance, areally painful trial to all who are brought into intimate relations withher. How often have I wished it were possible to arouse theconsciousness of daughters in comfortable homes to the pain andinconvenience they give their parents and friends by a habitual lack ofpromptness! For my own part, I remember how my conscience was firstaroused, in my youth, on this point. I was reading a book written foryoung girls by Jane Taylor--a writer I wish were in print now--when Icame across this instruction: "When you hear the bell ring for meals, rise immediately, leave whatever you are doing, and at once go to thetable. " Just as I was reading this sentence the bell rang, and Iimmediately obeyed the summons. I noticed that my mother needed my helpin seating the younger children at the table and attending to theirwants, and I gave her my assistance. Somehow the meal seemed to pass offmore pleasantly than usual, and I felt my conscience prick me that I hadso often given my mother trouble by loitering and delaying at meal-time. I resolved that henceforth I would be promptly on hand to help her. Fromthat time there was a marked change for the better in the ease withwhich our family meals were served, and all because I was alwayspromptly on hand to help my mother. I do not know that she or any of thefamily knew or noticed the reason, but I was very well aware of it. Itwas really a kind of turning-point in my habits of life and usefulnessat home. To this day I never hear a bell ring for meals, without theinjunction of Jane Taylor coming into my mind: "Rise immediately, leavewhatever you are doing, and go at once to the table. " I can assure you, my child, it would add greatly to the comfort and happiness of manyhouses, and greatly relieve many an overtaxed mother, if this goodold-fashioned direction were heeded not only by daughters but by othermembers of the family also. 

And if now, in addition to these good habits, you cultivate the habit ofcheerfulness and earnestly guard against temptation to fretfulness, moroseness, or impatience, you will be well started on the way towards auseful and lovely womanhood. A good daughter in a home is a well-springof joy, an ever-fresh source of delight and consolation to her parents. Especially is she the stay and support and strength of her mother, thehappiness of whose life depends so largely upon the respectful andaffectionate conduct and attentions of her children. 

LETTER V. 

SOCIETY--CONVERSATION. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--To give and receive pleasure in those pleasantassemblages and meetings of acquaintances and friends known by thegeneral name of society, is one of the worthy minor aims of life. It isone of the marks of an advancing state of intelligence and culture, whenan assemblage of gentlemen and ladies can pass delightful hours in themere interchange of thought in conversation. And while games and otheramusements may serve for a temporary variety (always excepting gamesknown as "kissing-games, " which should be promptly tabooed anddenounced, and ever will be in truly refined society), yet animated andintelligent conversation must always hold the first place in the listof the pleasures of any refined society circle. 

How shall a young girl fit herself to enjoy and to afford enjoyment ingeneral society? Certainly the first requisites are intelligence, a goodknowledge of standard literature, a general knowledge of the moreimportant events that are taking place in the world, and such aknowledge of the best current literature as may be obtained from theregular reading of one or two of the standard monthly magazines. 

And here it may help you if I particularize a little in regard to aknowledge of important events of the day and also of general and currentliterature. Of course the main source of knowledge of the more importantevents that are going on in the world is the daily or weekly newspaper;and yet there is scarcely any reading so utterly demoralizing to goodmental habits as the ordinary daily paper. More than three-fourths ofthe matter printed in the "great city dailies" is not only of no use toanyone, but it is a positive damage to habits of mental application toread it. It is a waste of time even to undertake to sift the importantfrom the unimportant. The most that any earnest person should attempt todo with a daily paper is to glance over the headlines which give thegist of the news, and then to read such editorial comments as enable thereader to understand the more important events and affairs that aretranspiring in the world so that reference to them in conversation wouldbe intelligent and intelligible. But if one should never see a dailypaper, yet should every week carefully read a digest of news preparedfor a good weekly paper, one would be thoroughly furnished with allnecessary knowledge of contemporaneous events, and the time thus savedfrom daily papers could be profitably employed in other reading. 

The field of literature is now so vast that no one can hope to be wellacquainted with more than a small portion of it. Yet every well-informedyoung person should know the general character of the principal writerssince the time of Shakespere, even though one should never read theirworks. You may remember how, in the recently finished novel of "The Riseof Silas Lapham, " the novelist, with a few sentences, shows howridiculous a really beautiful and amiable girl with a high-schooleducation may make herself in conversation by her lack of knowledge ofstandard literature. She was telling a young gentleman where thebook-shelves were to be in the splendid new house being built by herfather, and suggesting that the shelves would look nice if the books hadnice bindings. 

"'Of course, I presume, ' said Irene, thoughtfully, 'we shall have tohave Gibbon. '

"'If you want to read him, ' said Corey, with a laugh of sympathy for animaginable joke. 

"'We had a good deal about him in school. I believe we had one of hisbooks. Mine's lost, but Pen will remember. '

"The young man looked at her, and then said seriously, 'You'll wantGreen, of course, and Motley, and Parkman. '

"'Yes. What kind of writers are they?'

"'They're historians, too. '

"'Oh, yes; I remember now. That's what Gibbon was. Is it Gibbon orGibbons?'

"The young man decided the point with apparently superfluous delicacy. 'Gibbon, I think. '

"'There used to be so many of them, ' said Irene, gaily. 'I used to getthem mixed up with each other, and I couldn't tell them from the poets. Should you want to have poetry?'

"'Yes. I suppose some edition of the English poets. '

"'We don't any of us like poetry. Do you like it?'

"'I'm afraid I don't, very much, ' Corey owned. 'But of course there wasa time when Tennyson was a great deal more to me than he is now. '

"'We had something about him at school, too. I think I remember thename. I think we ought to have all the American poets. '

"'Well, not all. Five or six of the best; you want Longfellow, andBryant, and Whittier, and Emerson, and Lowell. '

"'And Shakespere, ' she added. 'Don't you like Shakespere's plays?. . . Wehad ever so much about Shakespere. Weren't you perfectly astonished whenyou found out how many other plays there were of his? I always thoughtthere was nothing but "Hamlet, " and "Romeo and Juliet, " and "Macbeth, "and "Richard III. , " and "King Lear, " and that one that Robson and Cranehave--oh, yes, "Comedy of Errors!"'"

So you see how ridiculous this young girl, by the betrayal of suchignorance, made herself in conversation with a cultured young gentlemanwhose good opinion she was most anxious to win. And yet, to talk toomuch about books is not well; it often marks the pedantic and egotisticcharacter. It is safe to say that unless one happens to meet a verycongenial mind among conversers in general society, to introduce thesubject of books is liable to be misconstrued. It is not very long sinceanother popular modern novelist held up to scorn and ridicule the youngwoman whose particular ambition seemed to be to let society know what animmense number of books she had been reading. Nevertheless, one musthave a good groundwork of knowledge of books in order to avoid mistakessuch as poor Irene made in talking with young Corey. 

Directions and suggestions for aiding young people to become agreeableand pleasant conversers must necessarily be mainly negative. Taken forgranted that a young person possesses animation good sense, intelligence, and a genuine interest in her companions and the worldaround her; is observing, and can speak grammatically withouthesitating; knows the difference between "you and I" and "you and me"(which I am sorry to say a great many young girls of my acquaintance donot, for I constantly hear them saying, "He brought you and I abouquet, " or, "You and me are invited to tea this evening"), she canalmost certainly be a pleasant and entertaining converser if she avoidscertain things, as, for instance:

1. She must avoid talking about herself, her exploits, her acquirements, her entertainments, her beaux, etc. Especially should she avoid seekingto make an impression by frequent mention of advantageous friends orcircumstances. The greatest observer and commentator upon manners thatever wrote was Mr. Emerson. In one of his essays he says: "You shall notenumerate your brilliant acquaintances, nor tell me by their titles whatbooks you have read. I am to infer that you keep good company by yourgood manners and better information; and to infer your reading from thewealth, and accuracy of your conversation. "

2. She must avoid a loud tone of voice, and also avoid laughing too muchand too easily. To laugh aloud is a dangerous thing, unless all noiseand harshness have been cultivated out of the voice, as ought to be donein every good school. The culture of the voice is one of the mostimportant elements in making a pleasant converser. American girls andwomen are accused by cultivated foreigners of having loud, harsh, strident voices; and there is too much truth in the accusation. Nor isthere any excuse for unpleasant, harsh, rough, nasal tones of voice inthese days when in every good school instruction is given in themanagement of the voice for reading and conversation. The cause ofharshness and loudness is often mere carelessness on the part of youngpeople. But talking in too loud a tone is scarcely less unpleasant tothe listeners than the use of too low a tone, which is generally anaffectation. 

3. She must avoid frequent attempts at wit; avoid punning, which is thecheapest possible form of wit; and avoid sarcasm. The talent for beingsarcastic is a most dangerous one. 'No one ever knew a sarcastic womanwho could keep friends. The temptation to be bright and interesting andto attract attention by the use of sarcasm is very strong, for nearlyall will be interested in it and enjoy it for a little. But were Iobliged to choose between sarcasm and dullness in a young girl, I shouldprefer dullness. Happily, this is not a necessary alternative. 

4. She must avoid a kind of joking and badinage that should never beheard among well-bred young people in society--that about courtship andmarriage. Much harm, much blunting of fine sensibilities, muchdestruction of that delicate modesty which is the priceless dower ofyoung girlhood, comes of such jesting and joking where it is permittedwithout restraint or reproof. A young girl may not be called upon toreprove it, but she certainly can shun the company of those who aregiven to such vulgarity (for no other term will rightly describe it), and she can certainly refrain from joining in any conversation of thisdescription. 

Always remember that to be a good converser you must be a good listener. Very often people acquire a pleasant reputation and popularity insociety by the exercise of this talent alone--that of listening withattention and interest to what other people say. Be especially carefulto avoid interrupting one who is speaking. Many a fine and noblethought, many an interesting discussion, is broken off and lost by theirrelevant interruption of some thoughtless person. One reason why theart of conversation has so degenerated in these days is that so few havea real interest in hearing the fine thoughts of good thinker andtalkers. So many people want to talk about themselves, or their affairs, that it is in many circles almost an impossibility to maintain a highand elevating conversation. Until years and experience, as well as widereading and information, have given you the right to express freely youropinions in society, it will be well to listen a great deal more thanyou speak, especially when in the company of your elders. Avoid allsentimentality, or the discussion of subjects that would expose theprivate and sacred feelings of the heart. Do not quote poetry; do notask people's opinions on delicate and individual questions. I have hearda young boarding-school graduate embarrass a whole room-full ofexcellent and educated people by asking a young gentleman if he did notthink Longfellow very inferior to Lowell in his love poems. Among thoseof your own age let what you have to say relate to everything more thanto the doings or sayings of other people. In this way you will avoidthat bane of social conversation--gossip. In all social relations striveto throw your influence for that which is faithful, sincere, kind, generous, and just. Have a special thought and regard for those who maylabor under disadvantages? be especially kind to the shrinking andtimid, to the poor and unfortunate. Strive to be worthy of theconfidence and respect and love of your associates, and all yourrelations to society will be easily and naturally and happily adjusted. 

LETTER VI. 

ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--When I was a young girl, I well remember that myparents judged who were and who were not desirable and proper associatesfor their children, chiefly by reference to the parents and family ofour young companions. It was taken for granted that the children ofgood, honorable, Christian people, who strove to train their children toobedience and a conscientious life, would be suitable companions for us;and this criterion in nearly every instance proved to be a true one. Inonly one instance, indeed, did it fail; and I well remember the shock itgave a whole circle of young people, when a young companion, the son ofan eminent clergyman, was sent home on account of his language andconduct after one week's visit among friends, when it had been expectedby all that he would stay two or three months. 

But in these days this criterion of family and parentage isinsufficient; for, sad as it may seem, the children of really excellentparents are often so derelict in duty, so lacking in conscientiousness, so idle and aimless and frivolous that their companionship should bedreaded for susceptible young people especially for young girls. Onething is very certain: that in these days young people, when out ofsight of their parents, often act and talk in a way which they certainlywould not do in their parents' presence. And that is truly a distressingfear which often comes to the hearts of excellent and faithful parents, that the conduct of their children when out of their sight and restraintmay be totally at variance with all they have been taught in regard toright and proper conduct. 

Now all people, old or young, are influenced in conduct somewhat bytheir associates and friends; but young people especially aresusceptible to the influence of example. And it is a painful but wellknown fact that young people are much more easily and quickly influencedby bad example than by good. One frivolous, vain, forward, pert younggirl, coming for a season into association with a company of youngpeople, may in a few short weeks make her impress on the manners andconversation of the whole of them. Her slang expressions will beadopted; her loud manners and eccentricities of dress will be imitated;her frivolity and dislike for any of the serious duties of life willprove contagious. 

For you, and for any young girl, I would consider dangerous and harmfulintimate association with:

1. The young girl who, either from circumstances or naturaldisposition, does not compel herself, or is not compelled to dosomething--to study her lessons and take some useful share in every-dayduties. "Nothing to do is worse than nothing to eat, " said a great man, Thomas Carlyle; and observing parents or teachers know this to beespecially true of young people. It makes no difference that they don'twant to do anything or to exert themselves. The very absence of exertionmakes them weak and indisposed to effort. It is a lamentable lack at thepresent time among a large proportion of the daughters of comfortableand refined homes, that they have small physical strength and noqualities of endurance at all. They are "all tired out" if they sweepand dust or do housework for an hour or two, or take a half-mile walk onan errand, or sew continuously for an hour. Very likely they will wantto lie down and rest an hour after such exertion. This is all theresult of unexercised muscles and mental indolence. That mother wasquite right, who, when her boarding-school daughter complained that itmade her arms ache to sweep, replied: "Well, you must sweep till itdoesn't make them ache. " Mind and body both grow strong throughexercise. Unexercised muscles, of course, will be weak and flabby andtire easily. But the young girl whom it tires to work is most likely onthe _qui vive_ about some folly or other nearly all the time. Lack ofhealthful mental and bodily occupation and stimulus will almostcertainly produce a craving for unhealthy excitement. Such a girl is aptto be constantly planning for mere pleasure and to have "a good time. "And, oh! what an unsatisfying, unworthy aim in life is this, and howpernicious in its effects! Pleasure and "a good time" are all verywell, but unless they are partaken of sparingly they produce a mentaleffect similar to that which the constant use of desserts andsweetmeats, instead of plain substantial food, would produce in thephysical system. Association with the idle and the mere pleasure-seekeris therefore to be guarded against, for their influence cannot but beharmful. 

2. Although perfection is not to be expected in any companion orassociate, yet there are certain defects of character which are so gravethat parents cannot afford to encourage their children in associatingwith those who exhibit these in a marked degree. Untruthfulness; thehabit of gossiping about friends or acquaintances or divulging familyprivacies; sullenness and moroseness under reproof; rebellious anddisrespectful expressions and conduct toward parents and teachers;indifference to the good opinion of sensible people, as shown byunusual and startling conduct in public places; all such things mark theundesirable associate for young girls. But there are young girls againstwhom none of these complaints could be made, who are undesirablecompanions because they are wholly absorbed in love of dress and displayand desire to be admired and noticed. It is generally among this classthat we find young girls who prefer to an altogether unreasonable andunbecoming extent, the society of young men to the society of their ownsex. It is among these that we find the young lady who does not know howto prevent undue familiarity in the conduct of young men; who willtolerate without disapprobation or protest, rude conduct on the part ofyoung men. This over-eagerness for their society, and easy toleration oftoo familiar conduct and conversation, young men, who are quickdiscerners in such matters, are very apt to take advantage of. Only thebest and most high-principled among them will refrain from doing so. 

I have spoken of the influence that a frivolous, vain, selfish companionwill be sure to exercise over those with whom she is intimatelyassociated. For you, as for any young girl, I would seek to prevent suchassociations. On the other hand, I should rejoice to see you formfriendships with good, high-minded, intelligent, gentle-mannered girlsof your own age, and should hope that you would mutually emulate andstimulate each other in all worthy aims and ambitions. Such friendships, however, are seldom hastily formed. The gushing and violent attachmentsthat sometimes spring up between young girls are sure to be of mushroomgrowth and duration, unless there is genuine character and merit inboth. During the period of the continuance of such friendships, a greatdeal of "selfishness for two" is often developed and manifested. Veryoften when young people are visiting together their attentions to eachother seem to make them forget their duties and the attentions due toother people. Here is one of the best tests of the true character of ayoung girl: her conduct in the house where she is a visitor. If she istruly well-mannered and kind-hearted she will certainly be on her guardto conform to the hours and habits of the household where she is aguest; she will avoid making any demands upon the time of her friendthat would cause that friend to neglect her daily duties or put toinconvenience the other members of the family. She will divide herattentions with all the members of the family, having special regard forthe very young or the very old. She will, above all things, be promptand punctual at meal-time. Her own tact and judgment will enable her tojudge how much assistance she should offer, if any, to the friends shevisits--a matter which must always be determined by circumstances. Insome families and under some circumstances it might be a breach ofdecorum and an act of officiousness on the part of a visitor to make anyoffer of assistance in the matter of the daily household arrangements. In other families and under other circumstances it might be an act ofthe kindest and best politeness to undertake every day during her visita portion of the daily home-duties. That which a young girl who is avisitor in any family should first of all observe, is the wishes andconvenience of the older people of the household. If the friend she isvisiting should show too much disposition to make everything about thehouse bend to the occasion of the visit, the visitor should deprecatethis, both by word and example. Every mother of young daughters knowsthe difference between visitors who are thoughtful and deferential andhelpful, and those whose overweening interest in self and selfish plansmakes them oblivious to the convenience and wishes and preferences oftheir hostess and other members of the family. 

If one wished thoroughly to understand the character of any young girl, no better test could be applied than to invite her to a three weeks'family visit. By daily observation one could then learn how near incharacter and disposition, in habits and manners, she approached thatbeautiful ideal of the poet Lowell which I wish every young girl mightconstantly strive to imitate and attain to:

 "In herself she dwelleth not, Although no home were half so fair; No simplest duty is forgot, Life hath no dim and lowly spot That doth not in her sunshine share. 

 "She doeth little kindnesses Which most leave undone or despise; For naught that sets our heart at ease, And giveth happiness or peace, Is low esteemed in her eyes. 

 "She hath no scorn of common things, And, though she seem of other birth, Round us her heart entwines and clings, And patiently she folds her wings To tread the humble paths of earth. 

 "Blessing she is; God made her so, And deeds of week-day holiness Fall from her noiseless as the snow, Nor hath she ever chanced to know That aught were easier than to bless. 

 "She is most fair, and thereunto Her life doth brightly harmonize; Feeling or thought that was not true Ne'er made less beautiful the blue Unclouded heaven of her eyes. "

LETTER VII. 

TACT--UNOBTRUSIVENESS. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--In one of my letters to you, I said that there werecertain excellent manuals which contained important general and specialdirections concerning the forms and manners or etiquette of politesociety, and that all young people should study and profit by somestandard works of this kind. But there are a great many thingspertaining to the conduct of life, that go to make up character andaffect the impression we make upon those around us, which are not setdown in books and cannot be imparted by set forms and rules. Forinstance, one of the most desirable possessions for any person, young orold, is tact--a power of moving on through life without constantlycoming into collision with people and things and opinions. And yet norules were ever laid down by which anyone can learn to acquire tact. Itis rather the natural result of a disposition to make people with whomwe are associated comfortable and happy, since in order to do this wemust constantly guard against arousing antagonisms or wounding thesusceptibilities of those around us. 

Now, to illustrate by some instances of lack of tact: A lady guest at atable where broiled ham was the meat provided, declined to take any, andthen added, "I don't think pork is fit food for any human stomach. " Ofcourse an embarrassment fell upon host and hostess and all the company, and the rest of the meal-time was passed in an ineffectual endeavor torestore conversation to a harmonious basis. What caused this lady tomake such a remark? Simply lack of tact, which means that she had notthe fine sensitiveness that would prevent her from wounding the feelingsof her friends. She had no delicacy of perception as to the reflectionshe cast upon her host and hostess by so brusquely condemning somethingto which they were habituated. This is one instance of lack of tact, buthere is another of different character: A company of educated people satdown at table together, and the conversation happened to turn on thequestion of the authorship of Shakespeare's plays. One lady, who was arecent college graduate and supposed to be possessed of an unusualdegree of culture, said in a most positive manner: "I think theadvocates of the theory that some one other than Shakespeare wrote theplays attributed to him, simply show their ignorance and shallowness. "An uncomfortable pause fell upon, the company, for two of the bestinformed people present were entirely convinced that some one otherthan Shakespeare wrote the plays. It was simply lack of tact thatbetrayed this lady into a positiveness and obtrusiveness of statementthat made others uncomfortable and aroused their antagonism. Here isstill another instance: One lady was introduced to another lady who wasthe wife of a gentleman much older than herself. After catching the namethe lady said: "Are you the wife of old Mr. C----?" Of course everybodyaround who had any sensibility was pained and embarrassed by such ablunt, brusque question. Yet the lady who displayed this want of tactwas a college graduate and the principal teacher in an important school. 

Now, no rule or rules will ever prevent anyone from doing and sayingthings which show lack of tact. Nothing will do it but the cultivationof a spirit of sympathy which will enable one to realize how otherpeople feel when their opinions and peculiarities or circumstances areso bluntly antagonized or alluded to. I know an excellent andhigh-minded lady, of superior intellectual culture, who often complainsthat she has few friends. She says that she longs for the affection andesteem of her friends, yet, as she expresses it, she has "no personalmagnetism. " I was once present in a literary society of which this lady, Mrs. A. , was a member. Another member, Mrs. B. , made a statement about amatter under discussion in the society, when Mrs. A. Arose and said, bluntly: "That is not true. " Everybody was astonished, and listenedalmost indignantly while Mrs. A. Went on to show that Mrs. B. Had simplybeen misinformed and was mistaken. It would have been entirely easy andproper for Mrs. A. To ask permission to correct a misapprehension on thepart of Mrs. B. , and she could have done it in such a way as would havewounded nobody's feelings. Mrs. A. , while she complains that she has fewfriends, frequently asserts that she believes in saying just what shethinks. This is all well enough, but she says it with so little tact asto constantly wound the feelings and antagonize the opinions of everyonearound her. 

Tact is as important in manners as in speech. The word is closely alliedto the word _touch_, and a person who has good tact is really one whocan touch people gently, carefully, kindly, in all the relations oflife. In the animal creation no creature has more perfect tact than awell-bred kindly-treated household cat. You may have seen one of theseenter a room where perhaps a circle of people were seated around a stoveor open fire. Puss wants her warm place in front of the fire or stove, but she does not brusquely and rudely push her way there. No. Sheglides gently, purringly around the circle, rubs caressingly againstthis one and that, as though gently saying, "By your leave"; and whenfinally she reaches the desired spot, she lays herself down sogracefully and quietly and curls herself up so deftly that to witnessthe act really affords pleasure to the observer. A creature of less tactand grace would only appear obtrusive and offend and antagonize thecompany, and probably rightfully receive reproof and be ejected from theroom. 

And so I would wish to see you and all young people cultivate tact;study how to speak and act so as to touch gently all with whom you areassociated. Behind the best tact lies the wish to be kind and to makepeople comfortable and happy, to avoid wounding and irritating; and soit is true that the basis of true tact is, after all, the moralsentiment. 

The young person who would cultivate tact in speech and manners willcarefully guard against obtrusiveness. This is a defect in the mannersof so many people, both young and old, and includes such a multitude ofthings, that it is worth while to particularize a little upon it. Quietness, repose, order, are distinguishing marks of cultivated sociallife everywhere, and to people who are habituated to these conditions oflife it is painful to have incongruous or inappropriate acts or soundsthrust upon their attention. Here is a generalization that explains thereason why many things, harmless in themselves are unpleasant to andoffend the taste of cultivated people. No really cultivated young girlwill, for instance, open and play upon a piano in a hotel parlor or anyother parlor at inappropriate times or when it is occupied by strangers. She will never perform in public any of the duties of the toilet, suchas cleaning her nails or using a tooth-pick. She will not eat peanuts orfruit or candy, or chew gum, in public places. In fact, I cannot imaginea really refined young lady chewing gum even in the privacy of her ownroom, so offensive is it to good taste. She will not descant upon bodilyailments in the drawing-room or at the table. She will not rush noisilyup and down stairs or through the house, clashing doors and startlingeveryone with unpleasant noises. She will not interrupt people who areconversing, to ask an irrelevant question or one pertaining to her ownaffairs. She will not slap an acquaintance familiarly on the shoulder, or make special displays of affection or intimacy before people. Shewill if possible suppress the sudden sneeze, and use every effort toquiet a cough. She will not go uninvited into the private room ofanyone, nor into the kitchen of her hostess where she is a visitor. Allsuch things really inflict pain upon sensitive people; they offendbecause they obtrude; and all similar actions and obtrusiveness are tobe carefully avoided by everyone who desires to acquire a true andgenuine culture of action, speech, and manners. It is well worth yourwhile to think earnestly and often upon these things; to learn tounderstand why so many thoughtless actions on the part of young peopleare set down to a general lack of cultivation. All such obtrusivenessmust be done away with before we shall be able to realize the prayer ofDavid, "that our daughters may be like corner-stones, polished after thesimilitude of a palace. "

LETTER VIII. 

WHO ARE THE CULTIVATED?

_My Dear Daughter:_--No words in the English language are so muchbandied about in efforts to describe or classify society at the presentday as are the words "culture, " "cultured, " "cultivated" and theirantitheses. These are the terms that intimidate the vain, selfish, illiterate rich; for to be described as "rich but uncultivated" isregarded as a greater slur upon the social standing of families than tobe reported as having gained wealth by dishonesty or trickery. And thenthe matter is made all the harder for those willing to acquire ahypocritical polish at any expense if they can only be called"cultivated, " from the fact that they do not know what true culture is, nor are they able to recognize it when they see it. They are like aperson lacking in all artistic sense, who wishes to buy pictures--at themercy of every impostor. 

What, then, is the secret that lies behind the demeanor and manners ofthe cultivated man or woman, or the cultivated family? What power orwhat sentiment modulates the voice to kind and gentle tones; restrainsthe boisterous conversation or laughter; gives such a delicateperception of the rights of others as to make impossible the dictatorialor arrogant form of address the impertinent question, the personalfamiliarity, the curiosity about private affairs, the forwardness ingiving advice or expressing unasked opinions, the boastful statement ofpersonal possessions or qualities, the action that causes pain orinconvenience or discomfort to associates or dependents, all of whichare the most common forms of transgression among the uncultivated?

In his famous address on "The Progress of Culture, " delivered before acelebrated college society in Cambridge in 1867, Emerson summed up thewhole matter in one sentence: "The foundation of culture, as ofcharacter, is at last the moral sentiment. " Here is the whole secret ina single sentence. The restraining grace is "at last the moralsentiment. " It is a fine genuine unselfishness that, observing how allthese things may pain and wound, refrains from doing any of them. Theman or woman or family who can avoid transgressing in these particularscan do so habitually only as the result of a fine moral sentimentunderlying the whole nature. And those who possess or have cultivated inthemselves this fine moral sentiment of unselfishness, justice, andconsiderateness, will be surrounded by an atmosphere of culture thoughtheir dwelling-place be an uncarpeted cabin, while those who lack thisrestraining grace will be "uncultivated" though their surroundingsafford every comfort, beauty, and luxury. It should be a thought ofencouragement to us, and an inspiration of hope that we may possess thetrue and imperishable riches of a cultivated spirit, however poor andstruggling our lives may be, or however barren of external beauty oursurroundings. Culture depends not on material possessions. In fact, thevery abundance of conveniences and comforts and elegances often seems tohave an injurious and deteriorating effect on individuals and familiesby producing in them a selfish love of personal ease and exclusiveness. On the other hand, the painful and patient economizing of humble toilersoften produces an unselfishness and patience and gentleness of demeanorwhich is in effect the very finest culture. 

In these days of specialists and artists and architects andupholsterers, anyone who has money can possess himself of the materialsurroundings of taste and culture. His house may be "a poem in stone"exteriorly, and a "symphony in color" in its interior adornments. Thismuch of the products of genuine culture he may buy with money. But nomoney can buy the pearl of great price, the cultured spirit in theindividual or family, without which the most palatial mansion is but adead and lifeless shell. Lacking this moral sentiment and culture, howmany a handsomely appointed home is the abode of rudeness, unkindness, selfishness, and misery! The rude speech or cutting retort or selfishact are doubly and trebly incongruous when pictured walls and frescoedceilings and luxurious surroundings of artistic beauty are the silentwitnesses of the vulgarity. On the other hand, there is opportunity forthe display of the best and kindest and most cultivated manners in thehumble home where lack of suitable furnishings and dearth ofconveniences puts everyone's unselfishness to the test. 

I have frequently heard wise parents and teachers speak of theperplexity of spirit which they feel when they see that in so manyinstances the acquirement of accomplishments, as they are termed, failsto add any moral strength or beauty to the character of the young peoplein whose welfare and advancement their hearts are so entirely absorbed. This young girl sings and plays beautifully, paints and draws in agenuinely artistic manner, speaks French and German like a native, andyet she is ill-tempered and shrewish if circumstances happen to crossher inclination. Here is a young man who is possessed of a finecollegiate education, and who is also an excellent musician. Yet he canbe rude and disrespectful to his mother, insolent to his father, overbearing and arrogant towards servants and subordinates, and aperfect boor to his younger brothers and sisters. Both these youngpersons have uncultivated spirits. So we see that the cultivation of theintellectual nature, the acquirement of accomplishments, the practice ofany art, the advantages of travel, the surroundings of elegance, may ormay not tend to the genuine culture of the spirit; and as wise andearnest parents and teachers perceive this truth, they realize more andmore that the great problem of culture, alike for parent and teacher, ishow to develop the moral sentiment. 

LETTER IX. 

RELIGIOUS CULTURE AND DUTY. 

_My Dear Daughter:_--I have endeavored in my previous letters to giveyou a kind of outline series of directions and instructions in mattersthat pertain to the ordinary every day duties of life. I have spoken ofthe motives that should influence your actions, and have tried to showyou that all truly lovely and beautiful conduct must have a basis in themoral sentiment. I have reserved till this last letter what I have tosay to you on the most important subject of all: the infinitelymomentous subject of religious culture and duty. 

In the first place I must explain that there is a great differencebetween the methods and circumstances of religious instruction now andthose which surrounded the youth of the maturer generation. When peopleof the age of your parents were young, the habits of family life weresuch that religious observances held a place of first importance. Allhousehold affairs were arranged with reference to morning and eveningworship, which consisted of singing, reading the Bible, and prayer. Nomatter how much work was to be done, the family must rise in time toallow for the performance of this service. Children heard so much aboutGod, and heaven, and the life beyond death, that often a morbid andunnatural frame of mind was induced. Parents and instructors oftenforgot to make allowance for the fact that youth naturally and rightlyloves and enjoys this life, and rightly and naturally dreads death. Somuch was said about the other world that it seemed almost a sin to thinkabout or plan much for this. God and heaven were imagined as closeabove in the sky? the judgment day was ever held threateningly beforeus; and pictures of a literal lake of fire and brimstone, into whichwicked people would be cast, were painted for the imagination ofchildren, till, as the experience of hundreds testifies, even the mostconscientious of them feared to close their eyes in sleep at night lestthey should awake in that terrible place of torment. 

From this doubtless too severe and harsh religious regime, a reactionhas taken place which has thrown the customs of family life and thereligious education of the young people of to-day far into the oppositeextreme. The hurry and railroad rush of modern social and commerciallife have shortened or even cut off entirely the hours for familyworship. In the modern effort to emphasize the fact that God is love, the other fact that sin deserves and receives punishment has beenthrown too far into the background, or is ignored altogether. Regularreading of the Bible has become as rare as it formerly was universal. Irreverence and skepticism in regard to its truths and teachingspermeate a large portion of society, and the general influence of thesocial life of young people is opposed to the cultivation or expressionof the religious spirit or aspiration. All this involves the loss of amost valuable mental and spiritual discipline, and earnest parents ofto-day are at a loss how to supply it. 

I will press upon your attention only one argument for the culture of areligious spirit, and that is the argument of experience. What is theuniversal testimony of those whose lives are really governed by the fearand love of a divine Creator? It is that in the consciousness of adesire to obey God and live in harmony with His laws they find theirhighest happiness. 

To everyone who lives beyond the earliest period of childhood, comes atsome time or other sorrow, disappointment, sickness, loss, bereavement. The great fact of death looms up at the end of every pathway, howeverbright and happy. The universal testimony of the human race, from theearliest records of human experience to the present time, is that onlyfaith and hope in a beneficent God ruling over all events can sustainand comfort the human heart through all the changes and vicissitudes oflife, and reconcile to the thought of death. 

Early youth is naturally happy, gay, care-free, and indifferent tosorrows and fears of which it knows nothing. But there comes a time toevery sensible and earnest young heart when it realizes thetransitoriness of all earthly things, and longs for something on whichthe heart can take hold and rest. I do not believe any young personfails of this experience sooner or later. It is a hunger of the heartwhich nothing but the love of God can fill, and if, when it is firstfelt, the heart only humbly and earnestly turns to God with high andfirm resolve to seek a knowledge of Him and His laws, to bring allactions and plans of life into harmony with His revealed will, thefoundation of an enduring happiness is laid for this life, and doubtlessfor the life to come. 

But this desire and effort after a knowledge of God and obedience to Hiswill do not come without a struggle. We are strange and mysteriouscreatures, having within us a nature that is most susceptible totemptations, to do evil. Every one of us is conscious of a struggleconstantly going on in our hearts and lives between evil and good. Thetemptations to selfishness, greed, unkindness, untruthfulness, irreverence, indolence, are constant and severe until we have by longconflict and repeated victory habituated our hearts to choosing theright. Yet every victory over self and temptation helps us toward thatspiritual attainment which will in time enable us to say, with the sweetpsalmist of Israel: "The Lord is the portion of my soul; the Lord is thestrength of my heart; the Lord is my light and my salvation. "

Most usually the heart first turns toward God with deep earnestnessthrough sorrow. There are many griefs and burdens of life which cannotbe alleviated or lightened in any way except by spiritual comfort andhelp. And this spiritual comfort and help are among the deepestrealities of life. There is a strength, a happiness, a peace and asupport in sorrow which the world can neither give nor take away. Howpriceless a blessing to possess! The saddest, darkest, most sufferinglife can be irradiated and uplifted and enriched by this spiritualblessing. The most fortunately circumstanced life may be made poor byits absence. Dean Stanley tells us of a sister who for perhaps fortyyears was a constant sufferer from spinal disease, and during thatperiod almost constantly confined to her couch. Yet her countenance wasirradiated with cheerfulness, and she seemed to inspire everyone whocame near her with comfort, and with ardor and enthusiasm for goodness. Such examples are not rare. Every community knows some person or personssustained in deep affliction, though long continued trial and sorrow andloss, by this unseen spiritual power. On the other hand, experience andobservation show us constantly recurring examples of discontent, peevishness, unhappiness, on the part of those who appear to bespecially favored in the possession of the comforts and riches of thislife. Lord Chesterfield said that, having seen and experienced all thepomps and pleasures of life, he was disgusted with and hated them all, and only desired, like a weary traveler, to be allowed "to sleep in thecarriage" until the end came. But Paul the apostle, contemplating theclose of his eventful life of sorrow and suffering, said: "I have foughtthe good fight? I have finished the course? I have kept the faith:henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness. "

So it seems only a reasonable appeal to every young heart, as soon as itis mature enough to understand and make choice among the realities andverities of life, to choose this better part; to keep the heartreceptive to and expectant of this divine comfort and help; to seek toknow and obey the will of this God of all consolation. But this choiceis a purely individual matter. No one can make another person good anymore than he can make him happy. All that anyone, all that the wisestand best teachers and parents can do, is to present the arguments forand urge the choice of the better part. 

But if it is chosen, or if there is a desire to be enabled to choose it, what a help and stimulus comes from the reading and study of the Bible, especially of the Psalms and the New Testament! Therein are recordedevery phase of the spiritual experiences of humanity in its aspirationafter a knowledge of God. Therein are recorded the words and precepts of"the Great Teacher sent from God, " who said that he and the Father wereone, and that he was sent of God to seek and save the lost. Here are therecords of the compassionate expressions that fell from his lips as heproclaimed his message as the Son of God. Whatever other opinion men mayhave of Christ, all must confess that in his words to and about sinningand sorrowing and suffering men and women, he displayed a love andsympathy such as earth had never known before, and such as it has knownsince, in kind, only in the devoted followers of Christ. To have thememory stored with these expressions or teachings, or with the prayersand aspirations of the psalms and the prophecies, is to have a fountainof comfort and consolation for the heart, that passes all understanding. But this fact of human experience you must accept on the testimony ofthose who have experienced it, until you have experienced it foryourself. 

And thus, my daughter, while I wish for you the possession of all thegraces and adornments of person and character that pertain to and arepossible for the life that now is, how infinitely more do I desire foryou that you may know God and the comforts and consolations of His wordand spirit. To know that you had sought and found for yourself thisknowledge, that you knew and sought the help of the divine spirit inresisting temptation to do wrong, that in disappointment your heartwould turn to God for comfort, that in sorrow you would seek consolationin communion with God, would be to feel that your future happiness wasabsolutely assured. In this seeking after God, all things would beyours. And even though you had made but a small and weak beginning tofollow on and know the Lord, I should rejoice in the assurance that thegood work, having been begun, would be completed unto the end. And so Iclose these letters with the same summing up of all advice, allinstruction, which more than four thousand years ago a prophet of Godgave to his reflections upon the vicissitudes of human life: "Let ushear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep hiscommandments, for this is the whole duty of man. "

A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS. 

 Be kindly affectioned one toward another with brotherly love, in honor preferring one another. 

 --_Rom. _ xii. 10. 

 Whose adorning . . . Let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price. 

 --1 _Peter_, iii. 4. 

Wherever people are associated together it will always be found thatsome are more popular and beloved than others. Taking it for grantedthat all my young readers would wish to be lovely and beloved by thosewith whom they are associated, I wish to make a short study of some ofthose characteristics which always distinguish a lovely or loveableperson, and also of some characteristics which tend to make peopleunlovely and disagreeable. 

But if anyone should at the outset say, "I do not care whether peoplelike me or not, I have no particular wish to be lovely or beloved, " whatcould I answer? Nothing. I could only express my sorrow that the betterand higher nature of such an one was so undeveloped, and that thegreatest source of true happiness was so unknown and unappreciated. Icould only hope that the conscience and the moral nature of such an onemight be aroused and quickened by some good and faithful admonition orword of instruction. And right here I wish to call the special attentionof my young friends to this fact: Youth is a period given up largely tothe work of obtaining an education; but education is of a two-foldnature. We have an intellectual nature and we have a spiritual or moralnature. The intellectual powers and faculties it is possible to educatealmost in spite of even the distaste or aversion of the pupil toreceiving that education. We can, in a measure, force a knowledge of thesciences upon even reluctant pupils. We can prove to them that threeangles of a triangle are equal to two right angles, or that an acid andan alkali will combine to form a salt; but we can never force anantagonistic nature to receive a spiritual truth. Your parents orteacher may instruct you that it is wrong to be untruthful or unkind ordeceitful, but your own inner natures alone can receive such truths andassimilate them. No human being can compel another human being to begood. Here is where one of the chief anxieties and chief sorrows ofparents and teachers arises. There is no anxiety so deep as the anxietyof the good that those they love may be good also; no sorrow so poignantas the sorrow of the heart over the willful wrong-doing of those nearand dear. If at the close of your prescribed school course you shouldreturn to your homes, skilled in all the sciences, possessed ofextensive knowledge of literature, fine musicians, fine artists, and yetselfish, ungentle, proud or haughty in demeanor, wanting inthoughtfulness for the rights and feelings of others, careless of beingunkind, the time spent in your education would largely have been spentin vain. 

Among the first characteristics of a person who is lovely and beloved, we must place a kind and gentle manner toward all, kind words and kinddeeds, and a restraint of hasty speech or action. In order to possessthese qualities, it is not necessary ever to be obtrusive with ourattentions. Sometimes people pain us by thrusting upon us attentionswhich we do not want. There is a kind of officious attentiveness whichis really the expression of a species of vanity. It is true we ought tobe observant, and if we see where we can really help others by offeringkind acts or services, we ought to be willing to do it. But to youngpeople associated together as schoolmates, the opportunity forexercising gentleness and kindness towards one another comes mostly inthe line of daily work. Some pupils are more advanced in their studiesthan others: some have had greater advantages in their homes thanothers: and these differences afford an opportunity for exercisingtoward each other a spirit of kindness and gentleness. It is one of themost common occurrences in schools for pupils to come in who have nothad the advantages which enable them to know how to conduct themselvesgracefully in society; how to dress themselves; how to use knife, fork, napkin, etc. , properly at the table; and while it is of course the dutyof teachers to instruct them in all these things, it is also theimperative duty of their companions to refrain from unkind criticism orlaughing at and making sport of blunders which may arise only from lackof information. Very often these students are "jewels in the rough, " ofthe rarest and finest quality. You may have heard the story of DanielWebster, when he came in from his father's farm to enter upon hiscollegiate course, and went to board with one of the professors who hadseveral students boarding in his family. Daniel had certainly never beentaught good manners at the table, however many other good things he hadbeen taught in his home, for he immediately attracted the attention ofall the other boarders by sitting with his knife and fork held uprightin each hand and resting on the table while he masticated his food. Theprofessor quelled the rising laughter among his fellow-students by afirm glance of reproof, but said nothing to Daniel. He had observedthat the boy was sensitive, and he now had the problem before him how heshould correct this awkwardness in Daniel without wounding his feelings;and he took the following method: Calling one of the senior boarders tohim before the next meal, he said: "We want to break our young friend ofhis awkward way of holding his knife and fork, and we don't want to hurthis feelings. Now I want you, at supper to-night, to hold your knife andfork the same way, and then I will call your attention to it and tellyou it is not the right and proper way to do. " The student agreed, andso between the kind intention of the professor and the kind willingnessof the student the embryo statesman was taught an important lessonwithout being pained and abashed by his ignorance. 

In marked contrast with this incident is one which personally I knew tohappen in a school. A little country girl who had recently become aninmate of the school knocked at the room of her neighbor, a young ladywho had been brought up amid all the refinements of life, and asked herif she would lend her her hair-brush. Two or three other girls happenedto be in the room, and this young lady replied, "Hadn't you better askme for my tooth-brush? In this school, hair-brushes are privateproperty. " Never did the little country girl forget this rude rebuke, although she very shortly learned that among cultivated and refinedpeople hair-brushes are considered private property. But howevercultivated externally the young lady was who thus rudely rebuffed eventhe ignorance of her companion, her conduct showed a spirit uncultivatedin gentleness and kindness. 

It often happens in schools that some become general favorites becauseperhaps they are blessed with good looks, or are able to dress withgood taste and becomingly, or are possessed of a certain piquancy ofmanner and conversational powers which attract and entertain. There areothers equally good and talented who are not blessed with comeliness, who are not bright and winning in conversation, who are awkward in dressand manner. What kindness and considerateness is due from the morefavored to the less favored! How careful should school-girls, and notschool-girls only, but everybody be to extend courtesy and kindness tothose of their number who are apt to be neglected, to be left lonely andforgotten while more favored ones enjoy special pleasures! I do not meanby this that we are to be equally intimate and equally fond of all ourdaily associates, but we ought to be equally kind. Our especialendearments and kindnesses and attentions to our particular friendsought to be in a measure kept for private expression, so that we may notwound the feelings of those less attractive, or less endowed with bodilyand mental graces, by contrast or comparison. 

To aid us in cultivating this spirit of kindness, no maxim is moreuseful than that laid down by Christ: "Whatsoever ye would that othersshould do unto you, do ye even so unto them. " One of the best tests wecan apply to ourselves is to imagine ourselves in the place of others. Suppose we were conscious of homely features, ungainly forms and awkwardmanners, or of lack of information or knowledge; suppose we were in suchstraitened circumstances that we were obliged to wear coarse, cheap, unsuitable or unbecoming garments how would we feel and how would wewish to be treated? And if we find within ourselves an unwillingness tobe judged by this standard, or to conform our conduct to it, then weshould realize that we do wrong, that we are wrong in spirit. Thenshould come the conscious effort to do right, to change our spirit fromselfishness to unselfishness, from unkindness to kindness. This is thework that no human being can do for us. Every individual soul must passthrough that struggle alone. Whenever we are conscious of the necessityof a decision between doing right and doing wrong, even though we mayfeel indisposed to do the right and disposed to do the wrong, yet if wecan _will_ to do the right we have taken a step toward God and heaven;we have begun the unfolding of the moral and spiritual nature. 

Now I have before said that an intellectual culture may be, so to speak, veneered upon us, but a spiritual culture must come from within outward. In botany you learn of two kinds of plants--those which grow by externalaccretions, as bulbs, which, are called exogenous? and plants whichgrow within outward, which are called endogenous A great philosopher hassaid that "man is that noble endogenous plant which grows, like thepalm, from within outward. " The culture of the heart and the growth ofthe spiritual nature is wholly individual; it depends on ourselvesalone. Parents and teachers can furnish the surroundings and theaccessories which they hope will most help to nourish this spiritualgrowth, but they can do no more. And often how bitterly are theydisappointed when they see that, in spite of admonition and instructionand entreaty and example, and every external help and incentive, theinner nature, the heart, the soul of child or pupil is not assimilatingspiritual truth, is not growing "in grace and in the nurture andadmonition of the Lord. "

And now I pass from the consideration of that experience which is thefoundation of a lovely character to consider some of the forms ofoutward expression of this inward character. I have said that we mayfeel indisposed to do right; we may really prefer and like best thewrong; nevertheless if we _will_ to do what is right we have gained avictory. So it may be a great help to us in gaining this inward victoryto familiarize ourselves with rules for conduct or expression. Suppose, for instance we know we are liable to give way to bad tempers and tospeak hastily and harshly. We may even feel that it is a relief to speakthus hastily or harshly, but if we _will_ to control our tempers we mayfind a great help in resolving never to speak in a loud or harsh tone ofvoice. You all know that the scolding or quarreling tone of voice isloud and harsh. If we resolve never to allow ourselves to use this tone, it will help us to control our tempers, and it will also be anobedience to one of the rules of good manners. 

We call a well-mannered person a cultivated person; and this cultureconsists mainly in kindness and gentleness of manner, in self-restraint, and in unobtrusiveness The real reason for every true rule of goodmanners is some moral reason. The true reason why we are forbidden bygood manners to do certain things is that the doing of such things givespain or causes inconvenience to some one. Why do the rules of goodmanners forbid the slamming of doors, or noisy running along halls or upand down stairs, or loud talking or boisterous laughter? Because suchnoises inflict pain on those who hear them, if they are of refinedsensibilities. For the same reason it is bad manners to drum on a piano, or to drum on table or desk or chair, or to shuffle the feet, or to makeany noise that distracts or obtrudes. Why is it bad manners to comelate to meals, to be unpunctual, to keep people waiting? Because weinflict pain and inconvenience upon those who are in a certain measuredependent for their comfort on our promptness and punctuality. Why is itbad manners to sprawl in one's seat, to assume ungainly attitudes, tomake grimaces, or to munch peanuts or apples in the cars or in publicplaces? For the same reason. We make those who witness such conductuncomfortable, and inflict pain upon them. 

One very common cause of discomfort and pain caused by young people totheir parents and teachers is want of thoughtfulness and consideration. For one-half the faults for which young people need to be reproved thereply is, "I didn't think. " Now, while we cannot expect young folks toexercise the thoughtfulness and judgment of maturer people, we certainlyhave a right to expect that they will endeavor to acquire a habit ofthoughtfulness in regard to the convenience and interests of others. Itis this want of thoughtfulness that often betrays young people intodoing very improper and injurious things. Parents and teachers areconstantly troubled by finding that their children and pupils do thingswhich they never thought of forbidding them to do. That which all goodand faithful teachers strive to do is to develop in their pupils such asense of propriety and thoughtfulness and such a high moral sense aswill make them _a law for right unto themselves_. They want to cultivateand to see them cultivating in themselves a strong practicalcommon-sense and a wise sense of propriety. Without such common-senseand innate sense of propriety, the longest set of rules would beuseless. For instance, if your teachers were to set about making a setof rules do you suppose any one of them would have thought of makingsuch rules as: "Young ladies are not permitted to go to the roof of thehouse and sit with their feet dangling over the railings of thebalcony;" or "Young ladies must not go into people's pastures and catchtheir ponies to go riding;" or "When young ladies are out riding in abuggy it is not allowable for one of the young ladies to ride on thehorse which the others are driving. "

A hundred rules might be gotten up forbidding the doing of a hundredthings, the only evil of which is that they are outlandish andunbecoming; not modest, or ill-mannered, and behind which there is noevil intent--only thoughtlessness. The same endowment of common senseought to teach young people to do those things which will promote theirhealth, and not to do those things which would injure it. The greatestblessing to a young person, especially to a young woman, is goodhealth; but unless she will take care of it herself, it is an almosthopeless task to attempt to take care of it for her. You may have heardthe somewhat slangy expression sometimes made about stupid and conceitedyoung men, that they "don't know enough to come in when it rains. " Itis, however, an almost just complaint of many a pretty and otherwisesensible young woman that she apparently doesn't know enough to put onovershoes when it rains, or to change thin clothing for thick when itgrows cold. There is needed among young girls everywhere such adevelopment of common-sense as will prevent this senseless andthoughtless conduct. 

And now let us consider some of the rewards that will come to those whogive attention to the culture of the spirit. Emerson says that "it isour manners that associate us, " and this is one of his truestobservations. We all wish, or we all should wish, to become fitted forassociation with the good, the refined, the intelligent, the cultivated, with those who have a noble purpose in life. Into such society there isbut one passport--intelligence, and gentle, quiet, cultivated manners, coupled with a like noble and earnest purpose. Possessed of these, anyperson may be sure of a welcome in the best society, however plain inappearance or dress. Wanting in these, good looks and fine dress are ofno avail to secure the coveted association. Remember I am now speakingof the society of intellectual, refined, and cultivated people, and notof mere fashionable society. But to gain friendly and equal access tothis best society, the culture of heart and mind must be genuine; itmust be thorough, deep, sincere. The young person whose education ofmind and heart is shallow and superficial, who has no definite aim inlife, may well fear to submit to the critical tests sure to be appliedby such society. 

I cannot better illustrate my meaning than by relating to you twoincidents that have come under my own personal observation. You all knowthat in our old Eastern cities, which have so long been the homes ofwealth and learning, is to be found a society almost unequalled for itshigh standard of intellectual culture and refined manners as well as forbeneficent actions. Two young Western women whom I have known, aspiredto gain access to and meet with recognition in a certain famous circleof such people in one of these Eastern cities. Both young women weregraduates of Western universities, and had had really exceptionaladvantages for acquiring a thorough collegiate education. One had beensurrounded by every possible helpful condition. Fond parents, possessedof abundance of this world's goods, and admiring friends, had doneeverything in their power to secure for her freedom from all other careswhile she was pursuing her studies. Being thus helped and petted andpraised and encouraged she seemed to feel that all circumstances andeverybody's convenience and comfort must give way for her plans andinterests. The other young girl was the eldest daughter of a poor widow. She struggled through the university by teaching in vacation; renting apoor little room in the town where the university was situated, andcooking her own food, doing her own washing and ironing, living in theplainest way, wearing cheap clothing, and eating the plainest food, while she was pursuing her studies. Her struggles with poverty andbitter circumstances taught her sympathy and kindness and helpfulness;and though she was plain, very plain, in face and figure, the gentlekindness of her spirit was apparent to all. As time passed on aftertheir graduation, both of these young women gained the goal of theirhopes and ambitions: an introduction to this brilliant and cultivatedcircle of people through certain literary clubs. And furthermore, bothsecured an invitation to read a paper before the same literary societyduring the same winter. The first-named young lady was visiting friends, while the second had secured a position as teacher. When the first younglady appeared before the society, her dress of velvet, point lace, anddiamonds, was so striking as to be obtrusive. Her paper was fairly good, but contained nothing of any permanent value. Her self-consciousness andevident desire to be conspicuous had the effect of repelling the earnestand thoughtful men and women who composed the society. Her essay andherself were alike quietly dropped; and to this day she cannotunderstand why. She calls the members of the society proud, haughty, andexclusive, and denounces the city where these people live as pedantic, disagreeable, and unsocial. Before this same club came our quiet, unostentatious, plain young friend of the toilsome life. Her dress wasas plain as her face, but her paper was rich in information and filledwith the results of a deep and earnest observation. Around her gatheredthe good men and women who knew how to appreciate such a spirit, andfrom thenceforward she was one of them. Every winter since the readingof her first essay I have found her name among the list of those who areleaders in the world of thought and of benevolent action. With pride inthe success, of a genuine Western girl, I have often observed her nameamong the invited guests present at receptions given to distinguishedauthors and philanthropists both of our own country and of Europe. Whydid she succeed against such odds, when the other failed with all heradvantages? Simply because she was possessed of the true, deep, thoroughgenuine culture, both of mind and heart, which alone associates, thebest people together. To her, "plain living and high thinking" was alife-long practice, and she was at home and happy with the good and thelearned. 

Would you be prepared to attain a like reward? Cultivate her spirit;imitate her example. 

WE TWO ALONE IN EUROPE. 

By MARY L. NINDE. Illustrated from Original Designs. 

12MO. , 348 PAGES. PRICE $1. 50. 

The foreign travels which gave rise to this volume were of a novel andperhaps unprecedented kind. Two young American girls started for "thegrand tour" with the father of one of them, and, he being compelled toreturn home from London, they were courageous enough to continue theirjourneyings alone. They spent two years in travel--going as far north asthe North Cape and south to the Nile, and including in their itinerarySt. Petersburgh and Moscow. Miss Ninde's narrative is written in a freshand sprightly but unsensational style, which, with the unusualexperiences portrayed, renders the work quite unlike the ordinary booksof travel. 

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BIOGRAPHIES OF MUSICIANS. 

LIFE OF LISZT. With Portrait. LIFE OF HAYDN. With Portrait. LIFE OF MOZART. With Portrait. LIFE OF WAGNER. With Portrait. LIFE OF BEETHOVEN. With Portrait. 

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SHORT HISTORY OF FRANCE, FOR YOUNG PEOPLE, By Miss E. S. KIRKLAND, author of "Six Little Cooks, " "Dora's Housekeeping, " etc. 

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--_The Nation, New York. _

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FAMILIAR TALKS ON ENGLISH LITERATURE. A Manual embracing the GreatEpochs of English Literature, from the English conquest of Britain, 449, to the death of Walter Scott, 1832. By ABBY SAGE RICHARDSON. Fourthedition, revised. Price $1. 50. 

THE BOSTON TRANSCRIPT SAYS:

 "The work shows thorough study and excellent judgment, and we can warmly recommend it to schools and private classes for reading as an admirable text-book. "

THE NEW YORK EVENING MAIL SAYS:

 "What the author proposed to do was to convey to her readers a clear idea of the variety, extent, and richness of English literature. . . . She has done just what she intended to do, and done it well. "

THE NEW YORK NATION SAYS:

 "It is refreshing to find a book designed for young readers which seeks to give only what will accomplish the real aim of the study: namely, to excite an interest in English literature, cultivate a taste for what is best in it, and thus lay a foundation on which they can build after reading. "

PROF. MOSES COIT TYLER SAYS:

 "I have had real satisfaction in looking over the book. There are some opinions with which I do not agree; but the main thing about the book is a good thing; namely its hearty, wholesome love of English literature, and the honest, unpretending, but genial and conversational, manner in which that love is uttered. It is a charming book to read, and it will breed in its readers the appetite to read English literature for themselves. "

_Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by_JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO. , PUBLISHERS, COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST. , CHICAGO.