[Transcriber's note: The spelling irregularities of the original havebeen retained in this etext. ]

KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK

COMPLETE

BY

WASHINGTON IRVING

CHICAGO

W. B. CONKEY COMPANY

PUBLISHERS

INTRODUCTION. 

KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK is the book, published in December, 1809, with which Washington living, at the age of twenty-six, first wonwide credit and influence. Walter Scott wrote to an American friend, whosent him the second edition----

 "I beg you to accept my best thanks for the uncommon degree of entertainment which I have received from the most excellently jocose History of New York. I am sensible that, as a stranger to American parties and politics, I must lose much of the concealed satire of the piece, but I must own that, looking at the simple and obvious meaning only, I have never read anything so closely resembling the style of Dean Swift as the annals of Diedrich Knickerbocker. I have been employed these few evenings in reading them aloud to Mrs. S. And two ladies who are our guests, and our sides have been absolutely sore with laughing. I think, too, there are passages which indicate that the author possesses powers of a different kind, and has some touches which remind me much of Sterne. "

Washington Irving was the son of William Irving, a sturdy native of theOrkneys, allied to the Irvines of Drum, among whose kindred was an oldhistoriographer who said to them, "Some of the foolish write themselvesIrving. " William Irving of Shapinsha, in the Orkney Islands, was a pettyofficer on board an armed packet ship in His Majesty's service, when hemet with his fate at Falmouth in Sarah Sanders, whom he married atFalmouth in May, 1761. Their first child was buried in England beforeJuly, 1763, when peace had been concluded, and William Irving emigrated toNew York with his wife, soon to be joined by his wife's parents. 

At New York William Irving entered into trade, and prospered fairly untilthe outbreak of the American Revolution. His sympathy, and that of hiswife, went with the colonists. On the 19th of October, 1781, LordCornwallis, with a force of seven thousand men, surrendered at Yorktown. In October, 1782, Holland acknowledged the independence of the UnitedStates in a treaty concluded at The Hague. In January, 1783, an armisticewas concluded with Great Britain. In February, 1783, the independence ofthe United States was acknowledged by Sweden and by Denmark, and in Marchby Spain. On the 3rd of April in that year an eleventh child was born toWilliam and Sarah Irving, who was named Washington, after the hero underwhom the war had been brought to an end. In 1783 the peace was signed, NewYork was evacuated, and the independence of the United States acknowledgedby England. 

Of the eleven children eight survived. William Irving, the father, wasrigidly pious, a just and honorable man, who made religion burdensome tohis children by associating it too much with restrictions and denials. Oneof their two weekly half-holidays was devoted to the Catechism. Themother's gentler sensibility and womanly impulses gave her the greaterinfluence; but she reverenced and loved her good husband, and when heryoungest puzzled her with his pranks, she would say, "Ah, Washington, ifyou were only good!"

For his lively spirits and quick fancy could not easily be subdued. Hewould get out of his bed-room window at night, walk along a coping, andclimb over the roof to the top of the next house, only for the highpurpose of astonishing a neighbor by dropping a stone down his chimney. Asa young school-boy he came upon Hoole's translation of Ariosto, andachieved in his father's back yard knightly adventures. "Robinson Crusoe"and "Sindbad the Sailor" made him yearn to go to sea. But this wasimpossible unless he could learn to lie hard and eat salt pork, which hedetested. He would get out of bed at night and lie on the floor for anhour or two by way of practice. He also took every opportunity that camein his way of eating the detested food. But the more he tried to like itthe nastier it grew, and he gave up as impracticable his hope of going tosea. He fastened upon adventures of real travelers; he yearned for travel, and was entranced in his youth by first sight of the beauties of theHudson River. He scribbled jests for his school friends, and, of course, he wrote a school-boy play. At sixteen his schooling was at an end, and hewas placed in a lawyer's office, from which he was transferred to another, and then, in January, 1802, to another, where he continued his clerkshipwith a Mr. Hoffman, who had a young wife, and two young daughters by aformer marriage. With this family Washington Irving, a careless student, lively, clever, kind, established the happiest relations, of whichafterwards there came the deep grief of his life and a sacred memory. 

Washington Irving's eldest brothers were beginning to thrive in business. A brother Peter shared his frolics with the pen. His artist pleasure inthe theater was indulged without his father's knowledge. He would go tothe play, come home for nine o'clock prayers, go up to bed, and climb outof his bed-room window, and run back and see the after-piece. So comeevasions of undue restraint. But with all this impulsive liveliness, youngWashington Irving's life appeared, as he grew up, to be in grave danger. When he was nineteen, and taken by a brother-in-law to Ballston springs, it was determined by those who heard his incessant night cough that he was"not long for this world. " When he had come of age, in April, 1804, hisbrothers, chiefly his eldest brother, who was prospering, provided moneyto send him to Europe that he might recover health by restful travel inFrance, Italy and England. When he was helped up the side of the vesselthat was to take him from New York to Bordeaux, the captain looked at himwith pity and said, "There's a chap who will go overboard before we getacross. " But Washington Irving returned to New York at the beginning ofthe year 1806 with health restored. 

What followed will be told in the Introduction to the of her volume ofthis History of New York, by Diedrich Knickerbocker. 

H. M. 

THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. 

The following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplatedthan a temporary _jeu-d'esprit_, was commenced in company with my brother, the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was to parody a small hand-book whichhad recently appeared, entitled, "A Picture of New York. " Like that, ourwork was to begin an historical sketch; to be followed by notices of thecustoms, manners and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comicvein, and treating local errors, follies and abuses with good-humoredsatire. 

To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American works, ourhistorical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world; and welaid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevantor irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before thiscrude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brotherdeparted for Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enterprise alone. 

I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the"Picture of New York, " I determined that what had been originally intendedas an introductory sketch should comprise the whole work, and form a comichistory of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations anddisquisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book; but itsoon became evident to me that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I hadbegun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, Imust reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to theperiod of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress and decline, presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period, also, at that time almost a _terra incognita_ in history. In fact, I wassurprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New Yorkhad ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its earlyDutch governors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors. 

This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city; poetic from itsvery obscurity, and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome, to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city asfortunate above all other American cities in having an antiquity thusextending back into the regions of doubt and fable; neither did I conceiveI was committing any grievous historical sin in helping out the few factsI could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of myown brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few namesconnected with it which I might dig up from oblivion. 

In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer, besotted with his own fancies; and my presumptuous trespasses into thissacred, though neglected, region of history have met with deserved rebukefrom men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaftthus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, Ican only say with Hamlet----

 "Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil Free me so far in your most generous thoughts That I have shot my arrow o'er the house, And hurt my brother. "

I will say this in further apology for my work: that if it has taken anunwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at leastturned attention to that history, and provoked research. It is only sincethis work appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have beenrummaged, and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from thedust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may actuallypossess. 

The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aimof history, but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence frompoetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusingform; to illustrate its local humors, customs and peculiarities; to clothehome scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative andwhimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but whichlive like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding theheart of the native inhabitant to his home. 

In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Beforethe appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city wereunrecorded; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from ourDutch progenitors were unnoticed, or regarded with indifference, oradverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and arebrought forward on all occasions; they link our whole community togetherin good-humor and good-fellowship; they are the rallying points of homefeeling; the seasoning of our civic festivities; the staple of local talesand local pleasantries; and are so harped upon by our writers of popularfiction that I find myself almost crowded off the legendary ground which Iwas the first to explore by the host who have followed in my footsteps. 

I dwell on this head because, at the first appearance of my work, its aimand drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutchworthies, and because I understand that now and then one may still befound to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, Ihave reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in thesame temper with which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapseof nearly forty years, this haphazard production of my youth stillcherished among them; when I find its very name become a "household word, "and used to give the home stamp to everything recommended for popularacceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurancecompanies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses, Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice; and when I find New Yorkers ofDutch descent priding themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbockers, " Iplease myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord; thatmy dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usagesderived from them, are n harmony with the feelings and humors of mytownsmen; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaintcharacteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitantswill not willingly suffer to pass away; and that, though other historiesof New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and maytake their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library, Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humoredindulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside. 

Sunnyside, 1848. 

W. I. 

Notices. 

WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK. 

_From the "Evening Post" of October_ 26, 1809. 

DISTRESSING. 

Left his lodgings some time since, and has not since been heard of, asmall elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, bythe name of _Knickerbocker_. As there are some reasons for believing he isnot entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained abouthim, any information concerning him, left either at the Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfullyreceived. 

P. S. --Printers of newspapers will be aiding the cause of humanity ingiving an insertion to the above. 

 * * * * *

_From the same, November_ 6, 1809. 

_To the Editor of the "Evening Post. "_

SIR, --Having read, in your paper of the 26th of October last, a paragraphrespecting an old gentleman by the name of _Knickerbocker_, who wasmissing from his lodgings; if it would be any relief to his friends, orfurnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform themthat a person answering the description given was seen by the passengersof the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since, resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. Hehad in his hand a small bundle tied in a red bandana handkerchief: heappeared to be traveling northward, and was very much fatigued andexhausted. 

A TRAVELER. 

 * * * * *

_From the same, November_ 16, 1809. 

_To the Editor of the "Evening Post. "_

SIR, --You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about_Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker_, who was missing so strangely some timesince. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since; buta _very curious kind of a written book_ has been found in his room, inhis own handwriting. Now, I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive, that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging, I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same. 

I am, Sir, your humble servant, SETH HANDASIDE, Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street. 

 * * * * *

_From the same, November_ 28, 1809. 

LITERARY NOTICE. 

INSKEEP and BRADFORD have in the press, and will shortly publish, A History of New York, In two volumes, duodecimo. Price three dollars. 

Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internalpolicies, manners, customs, wars, &c. &c. , under the Dutch government, furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never beforepublished, and which are gathered from various manuscript and otherauthenticated sources, the whole being interspersed with philosophicalspeculations and moral precepts. 

This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, the oldgentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. Itis published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind. 

 * * * * *

_From the "American Citizen" December_ 6, 1809. 

Is this day published, By INSKEEP and BRADFORD, No. 128, Broadway, A History of New York, &c. &c. 

(Containing same as above. )

ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR

It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the fall of1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent ColumbianHotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small, brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair ofolive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairsplaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of someeight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he boreabout him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles; and all hisbaggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under hisarm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run; and mywife, who is a very shrewd little body, at once set him down for someeminent country schoolmaster. 

As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a littlepuzzled at first where to put him; but my wife, who seemed taken with hislooks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set offwith the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two greatpainters, Jarvis and Wood: and commands a very pleasant view of the newgrounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor House andBridewell, and the full front of the Hospital; so that it is thecheerfulest room in the whole house. 

During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy, good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He wouldkeep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried, ormade a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, withhis hands full of papers, and say something about "deranging his ideas;"which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether _compos_. Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his roomwas always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying aboutat sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch; for he saidhe had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might knowwhere to find them; though, for that matter, he was half his time worryingabout the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefullyput out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made, because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and puteverything to rights; for he swore he would never be able to get hispapers in order again in a twelve-month. Upon this my wife ventured to askhim, what he did with so many books and papers? and he told her, that hewas "seeking for immortality"; which made her think, more than ever, thatthe poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked. 

He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continuallypoking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything thatwas going on; this was particularly the case about election time, when hedid nothing but bustle about him from poll to poll, attending all wardmeetings and committee-rooms; though I could never find that he took partwith either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home andrail at both parties with great wrath--and plainly proved one day to thesatisfaction of my wife, and three old ladies who were drinking tea withher, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at the skirtof the nation; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off itsback, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among theneighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon, as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door; and I really believehe would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of thequestion, if they could ever have found out what it was. 

He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, aboutthe most trifling matter, and to do him justice, I never knew anybody thatwas a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman whocalled now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. Butthis is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is thecity librarian; and, of course, must be a man of great learning; and Ihave my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history. 

As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received anypay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who andwhat he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friendthe librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that he was one of the_Literati_; which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scornto push a lodger for his pay, so I let day after day pass on withoutdunning the old gentleman for a farthing; but my wife, who always takesthese matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, atlast got out of patience, and hinted, that she thought it high time "somepeople should have a sight of some people's money. " To which the oldgentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not makeherself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to hissaddle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answerwe could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways inwhich women find out everything, learnt that he was of very greatconnections, being related to the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, andcousin german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treathim uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of makingthings easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the childrentheir letters; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send theirchildren also; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemedso affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared tospeak on the subject again. 

About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in hishand--and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were madeafter him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but theysent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last, when he had a great dispute with the Congressman about politics, and leftthe place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of himfrom that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poorold gentleman; for I thought something bad must have happened to him, thathe should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. Itherefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholyadvertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have neverbeen able to learn anything satisfactory about him. 

My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if hehad left anything behind in his room, that would pay us for his board andlodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings, and his pair of saddle-bags; which, being opened in the presence of thelibrarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a largebundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us, hehad no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoke about;as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York, which he advised us by all means to publish; assuring us that it would beso eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that he had no doubt it wouldbe enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a verylearned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for thepress, which he accordingly has done; and has, moreover, added to it anumber of notes of his own; and an engraving of the city, as it was at thetime Mr. Knickerbocker writes about. 

This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this workprinted, without waiting for the consent of the author; and I heredeclare, that if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accidenthas befallen him), I stand ready to account with him like a true andhonest man. Which is all at present----

From the public's humble servant, SETH HANDASIDE. 

INDEPENDENT COLUMBIAN HOTEL, NEW YORK. 

 * * * * *

The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition ofthis work. Shortly after its publication, a letter was received from him, by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of theHudson, whither he had traveled for the purpose of inspecting certainancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages, intowhich newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise, that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisementsthat were made concerning him; and that he should learn of the publicationof his history by mere accident. 

He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, as thereby he wasprevented from making several important corrections and alterations: aswell as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected duringhis travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn atHaverstraw and Esopus. 

Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return toNew York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations atScaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, forwhich city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He foundit, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroadsand improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent declineof the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that theseintruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the State; wherethey had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers, by the introduction of turnpike-gates and country school-houses. It issaid, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticingthe gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden palace; but was highlyindignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in themiddle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit. 

The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having reached even to Albany, hereceived much flattering attention from its worthy burghers; some of whom, however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into, particularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albanytea-tables, which they assured him had been discontinued for some yearspast. Several families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that theirancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy oftheir neighbors who had thus been distinguished; while the latter, it mustbe confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon; considering theserecordings in the lights of letters patent of nobility, establishing theirclaims to ancestry, which, in this republican country, is a matter of nolittle solicitude and vain-glory. 

It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from thegovernor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times toshake hands with him when they met in the street; which certainly wasgoing great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed, certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could ventureto speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us that heprivately entertained a considerable good-will for our author--nay, heeven once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his owntable, just after dinner, that "Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sortof an old gentleman, and no fool. " From all which may have been led tosuppose, that, had our author been of different politics, and written forthe newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might haverisen to some post of honor and profit: peradventure to be a notarypublic, or even a justice in the ten-pound court. 

Besides the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressedby the _literati_ of Albany; particularly by Mr. John Cook, whoentertained him very hospitably at his circulating library andreading-room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about theancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart--of great literaryresearch, and a curious collector of books At parting, the latter, intestimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in hiscollection; which were, the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism, and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands; by thelast of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his secondedition. 

Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded toScaghtikoke; where, it is but justice to say, he was received with openarms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked up toby the family, being the first historian of the name; and was consideredalmost as great a man as his cousin the Congressman--with whom, by-the-by, he became perfectly reconciled, and contracted a strong friendship. 

In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and their greatattention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless anddiscontented. His history being published, he had no longer any businessto occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes andanticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorablesituation; and had he not been a man of inflexible morals and regularhabits, there would have been great danger of his taking to politics ordrinking--both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by merespleen and idleness. 

It is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition ofhis history, wherein he endeavored to correct and improve many passageswith which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that hadcrept into it; for he was particularly anxious that his work should benoted for its authenticity; which, indeed, is the very life and soul ofhistory. But the glow of composition had departed--he had to leave manyplaces untouched which he would fain have altered; and even where he didmake alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for thebetter or the worse. 

After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strongdesire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmestaffection; not merely because it was his native city, but because hereally considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his returnhe entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages of a literaryreputation. He was continually importuned to write advertisements, petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import; and, although henever meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writinginnumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, andall sides of the question, in all which he was clearly detected "by hisstyle. "

He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the postoffice, inconsequence of the numerous letter he received from authors and printerssoliciting his subscription--and he was applied to by every charitablesociety for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, consideringthese applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a greatcorporation dinner; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman atthe court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become, that hecould no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of thecity, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted; butseveral times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usualrambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the littleboys at play have been known to cry, "There goes Diedrich!" at which theold gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutationsin the light of the praise of posterity. 

In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors anddistinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium, passed on his in thePortfolio (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so muchoverpowered, that he was sick for two or three days) it must be confessedthat few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, orhave so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality. 

After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residenceat a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on thefamily domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor. It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshesbeyond Corlear's Hook; subject, indeed, to be occasionally over-flowed, and much infested, in the summer-time, with mosquitoes; but otherwisevery agreeable, producing abundant crops of salt grass and bulrushes. 

Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill ofa fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his endapproaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of hisfortune to the New York Historical Society; his Heidelberg Catechism andVander Donck's work to the City Library; and his saddle-bags to Mr. Handaside. He forgave all his enemies--that is to say, all that bore anyenmity towards him; for as to himself, he declared he died in good-will toall the world. And, after dictating several kind messages, to hisrelations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantialDutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian. 

His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark'sChurchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant; andit is rumored that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect awooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green. 

TO THE PUBLIC. 

"To rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render ajust tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of ourDutch progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York, produces this historical essay. "[1] Like the great Father of History, whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which thetwilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night offorgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With great solicitude had Ilong beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city graduallyslipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, andday by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I, and those revered Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments ofgood old times, will be gathered to their fathers; their children, engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of thepresent age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past, and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of thePatriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, andeven the names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, andPeter Stuyvesant be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulusand Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Boulogne. 

Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, Iindustriously set myself to work to gather together all the fragments ofour ancient history which still existed; and, like my revered prototype, Herodotus, where no written records could be found, I have endeavored tocontinue the chain of history by well-authenticated traditions. 

In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a longand solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I haveconsulted, and all to but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, thoughsuch multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country, there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of theearly history of New York, or of its three first Dutch Governors. I have, however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaboratemanuscript, written in exceeding pure and classic low Dutch, excepting afew errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of theStuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have Ilikewise gleaned in my researches among the family chests and lumbergarrets of our respectable Dutch citizens; and I have gathered a host ofwell-authenticated traditions from divers excellent old ladies of myacquaintance, who requested that their names might not be mentioned. Normust I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by thatadmirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society, to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments. 

In the conduct, of this inestimable work I have adopted no individualmodel, but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combiningand concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians. Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality, and thestrictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it, after the manner of Sallust, with various characters of ancient worthies, drawn at full length and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it withprofound political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with thegraces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity, the grandeur and magnificence of Livy. 

I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned andjudicious critics for indulging too frequently in the bold excursivemanner of my favorite Herodotus. And, to be candid, I have found itimpossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes, which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of thehistorian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from hiswayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I have always resumed mystaff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, sothat both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation. 

Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rivalPolybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of History, yet theloose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recordedhave come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. Thisdifficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplatedin my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutionsin these best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy, with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement. 

But the chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for futureregard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled thisinvaluable little work; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis, and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up andchoke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious tocaptivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surfaceof literature; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to thepampered palates of literary epicures, I might have availed myself of theobscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce athousand pleasing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pithytale and marvelous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolencemight be enthralled; jealously maintaining that fidelity, gravity, anddignity which should ever distinguish the historian. "For a writer of thisclass, " observes an elegant critic, "must sustain the character of a wiseman writing for the instruction of posterity; one who has studied toinform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and addresseshimself to our judgment rather than to our imagination. "

Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city, in having incidentsworthy of swelling the theme of history; and doubly thrice happy is it inhaving such an historian as myself to relate them. For, after all, gentlereader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, arenothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records theirprosperity as they rise--who blazons forth the splendor of their noontidemeridian--who props their feeble memorials as they totter to decay--whogathers together their scattered fragments as they rot--and who piously, at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work, and rearsa triumphant monument to transmit their renown to all succeeding ages. 

What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose namelessruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitlessinquiry of the traveler? They have sunk into dust and silence--they haveperished from remembrance for want of a historian! The philanthropist mayweep over their desolation--the poet may wander among their moulderingarches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary flights of hisfancy--but alas! alas! the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, isdoomed to confine itself to dull matter of fact, seeks in vain amongtheir oblivious remains for some memorial that may tell the instructivetale of their glory and their ruin. 

"Wars, conflagrations, deluges, " says Aristotle, "destroy nations, andwith them all their monuments, their discoveries, and their vanities. Thetorch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled--a fewindividuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread ofgenerations. "

The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities willhappen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine-tenths of those whichnow flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time forrecording their history is gone by: their origin, their foundation, together with the early stages of their settlement, are for ever buried inthe rubbish of years; and the same would have been the case with this fairportion of the earth if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the verynick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were aboutentering into the widespread insatiable maw of oblivion--if I had notdragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster'sadamantine fangs were closing upon them for ever! And here have I, asbefore observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scripand scrap, "_punt en punt, gat en gat_, " and commenced in this littlework, a history to serve as a foundation on which other historians mayhereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, untilKnickerbocker's New York may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's Rome, orHume and Smollett's England!

And now indulge me for a moment: while I lay down my pen, skip to somelittle eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead; and, casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to rollbetween, discover myself--little I--at this moment the progenitor, prototype, and precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host ofliterary worthies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back, pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality. 

Such are the vain-glorious misgivings that will now and then enter intothe brain of the author--that irradiate, as with celestial light, hissolitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him topersevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to theserhapsodies whenever they have occurred; not, I trust, from an unusualspirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an ideahow an author thinks and feels while he is writing--a kind of knowledgevery rare and curious, and much to be desired. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [1] Beloe's Herodotus. 

HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

_BOOK I. _

CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECULATIONS, CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THEHISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

CHAPTER I. 

According to the best authorities, the world in which we dwell is a huge, opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean ofinfinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid, curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two imaginarypoles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the center; thusforming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnalrevolution. 

The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations ofday and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successivelypresenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. Thelatter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest, accounts aluminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, from which this worldis driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn bya centripetal or attractive force; otherwise called the attraction ofgravitation; the combination, or rather the counteraction, of these twoopposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolution. Hence resultthe different seasons of the year--viz. , spring, summer, autumn, andwinter. 

This I believe to be the most approved modern theory on the subject;though there be many philosophers who have entertained very differentopinions; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their greatantiquity and illustrious characters. Thus it was advanced by some of theancient sages that the earth was an extended plain, supported by vastpillars; and by others that it rested on the head of a snake, or the backof a huge tortoise; but as they did not provide a resting place for eitherthe pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground for wantof proper foundation. 

The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun andmoon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west byday, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stationsduring the night;[2] while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is avast plain, encircled by seven oceans of mild, nectar, and other deliciousliquids; that it is studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in thecenter by a mountainous rock of burnished gold; and that a great dragonoccasionally swallows up the moon, which accounts for the phenomena oflunar eclipses. [3]

Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profoundconjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son ofAbderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud el-Hadheli, who is commonlycalled Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbeddin, but who takes the humble title ofLaheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. Hehas written a universal history, entitled, "Mouroudge-ed-dharab or theGolden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones. "[4] In this valuable workhe has related the history of the world, from the creation down to themoment of writing; which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in themonth Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the Hegira or flight of theProphet. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medinaconstitute the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog theleft wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us moreover, that an earth hasexisted before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7, 000years), that it has undergone divers deluges, and that, according to theopinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance; it will berenovated every seventy thousandth hazarouam; each hazarouam consisting of12, 000 years. 

These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophersconcerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equalperplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophershave affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire;[5] others that itis merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal;[6] and a third class, at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was nothing buta huge ignited mass of iron or stone--indeed he declared the heavens to bemerely a vault of stone--and that the stars were stones whirled upwardfrom the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions. [7] ButI give little attention to the doctrines of this philosopher, the peopleof Athens having fully refuted them by banishing him from their city; aconcise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in formerdays. Another sect of philosophers do declare, that certain fieryparticles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concentrating in asingle point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, but beingscattered and rambling about in the dark at night, collect in variouspoints, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished, not unlike to the lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply ofexhalations for the next occasion. [8]

It is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure periods, inconsequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun has been completely burntout, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholycircumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heraclitus, thatworthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these variousspeculations, it was the opinion of Herschel that the sun is amagnificent, habitable abode; the light it furnishes arising from certainempyreal, luminous or phosphoric clouds, swimming in its transparentatmosphere. [9]

But we will not enter further at present into the nature of the sun, thatbeing an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of thishistory; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endlessdisputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but contentourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter, andwill proceed to illustrate by experiment the complexity of motion thereindescribed to this our rotatory planet. 

Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be renderedinto English) was long celebrated in the University of Leyden for profoundgravity of deportment and a talent at going to sleep in the midst ofexaminations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students, who therebyworked their way through college with great ease and little study. In thecourse of one of his lectures, the learned professor seizing a bucket ofwater swung it around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which hethrew the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of hisarm operating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was asubstitute for the earth, describing a circular orbit round about theglobular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formedno bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were dulyexplained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them, moreover, that the same principle of gravitation which retained the waterin the bucket restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapidrevolutions; and he farther informed them that should the motion of theearth be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall into the sun, through the centripetal force of gravitation: a most ruinous event to thisplanet, and one which would also obscure, though it most probably wouldnot extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of thosevagrant geniuses who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy menof the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of theexperiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the momentthat the bucket was in its zenith, which immediately descended withastonishing precision upon the philosophic head of the instructor ofyouth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but thetheory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucketperished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor VonPoddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever withunutterable indignation, whereby the students were marvelously edified, and departed considerably wiser than before. 

It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many apainstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his mostprofound and elaborate efforts; so that often after having invented oneof the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have theperverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatlycontradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmeritedgrievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and unlearnedentirely upon the philosopher; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed tohis theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness ofDame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, iscontinually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to takepleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learnedand indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to theforegoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet; it appearsthat the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while itsantagonist remains in undiminished potency: the world, therefore, according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict proprietyto tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced that it would do so, and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfillment of their prognostics. But the untoward planet pertinaciously continued her course, notwithstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole university oflearned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this invery ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slightand affront which they conceived put upon them by the world had not agood-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between theparties, and effected a reconciliation. 

Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wiselydetermined to accommodate the theory to the world; he therefore informedhis brother philosophers that the circular motion of the earth round thesun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above describedthan it became a regular revolution independent of the cause which gave itorigin. His learned brethren readily joined in the opinion, beingheartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them fromtheir embarrassment; and ever since that memorable era the world has beenleft to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbitas she thinks proper. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [2] Faria y Souza: Mick. Lus. Note b. 7. 

 [3] Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod. 

 [4] MSS. Bibliot. Roi. Fr. 

 [5] Plutarch de Plac. Philos. Lib. Ii. Cap. 20

 [6] Achill. Tat. Isag. Cap. 19; Ap. Petav. T. Iii. P. 81; Stob. Eclog. Phys. Lib. I. P. 56; Plut. De Plac. Philos. 

 [7] Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. Ii. Sec. 8; Plat Apol. T. I. P. 26; Plut. De Plac. Philos; Xenoph. Mem. 1. Iv. P. 815. 

 [8] Aristot. Meteor. 1. Ii. C. 2; Idem. Probl. Sec. 15; Stob. Ecl. Phys. 1. I. P. 55; Bruck. Hist. Phil, t. I. P. 1154, etc. 

 [9] Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72; Idem. 1801, p. 265; Nich. Philos. Journ. I. P. 13. 

CHAPTER II. 

Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him someidea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know fromwhence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up ofthese points is absolutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if thisworld had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renownedisland, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had anexistence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that Ishould proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe. 

And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for achapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian wasperplexed withal; therefore, I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts, and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand nor to theleft, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligible learning, orhave their brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names which willbe flying about in all directions. But should any of them be too indolentor chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they hadbetter take a short cut round, and wait for me at the beginning of somesmoother chapter. 

Of the creation of the world we have a thousand contradictory accounts;and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revelation, yet every philosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with abetter. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty to notice theirseveral theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified andinstructed. 

Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and thewhole system of the universe was the Deity himself;[10] a doctrine moststrenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Eleatics, asalso by Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythagoraslikewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, andtriad; and by means of his sacred quaternary, elucidated the formation ofthe world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music andmorals. [11] Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares andtriangles; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere; the tetrahedron, theoctahedron, the icosahedron, and the dodecahedron. [12] While othersadvocated the great elementary theory, which refers the construction ofour globe and all that it contains to the combinations of four materialelements, air, earth, fire, and water; with the assistance of a fifth, animmaterial and vivifying principle. 

Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschusbefore the siege of Troy; revived by Democritus of laughing memory;improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows; and modernized by thefanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring, whether the atoms, of whichthe earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent; whether they areanimate or inanimate; whether, agreeably, to the opinion of Atheists, theywere fortuitously aggregated, or, as the Theists maintain, were arrangedby a supreme intelligence. [13] Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensateclod, or whether it be animated by a soul, [14] which opinion wasstrenuously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whomstands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water ofphilosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrineof Platonic love--an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much betteradapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis thanto the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and blood, whichpopulates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit. 

Besides these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of oldHesiod, who generated the whole universe in the regular mode ofprocreation; and the plausible opinion of others, that the earth washatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and wascracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this lastdoctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth, [15] has favored us with anaccurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of thismundane egg, which is found to bear a marvelous resemblance to that of agoose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of thisour planet will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages ofantiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Latinshave alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and thattheir cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones andinflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present day. 

But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems of ancient sages, letme not pass over, with neglect, those of other philosophers, which, thoughless universal than renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equalchance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the Brahmins in the pagesof their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bistnoo transformed himself intoa great boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth onhis tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise and a mighty snake; andBistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and heplaced the earth upon the head of the snake. [16]

The negro philosophers of Congo affirm, that the world was made by thehands of angels, excepting their own country, which the Supreme Beingconstructed himself that it might be supremely excellent. And he tookgreat pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black and beautiful;and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, andsmoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all hisdescendants, became flat. 

The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant woman fell down fromheaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every placewas covered with water; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise, paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence itfinally happened that the earth became higher than the water. [17]

But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandishphilosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all theirerudition, compelled them to write in languages which but few of myreaders can understand; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few moreintelligible and fashionable theories of their modern successors. 

And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who conjectures that thisglobe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body ofthe sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by thecollision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by grossvapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted, according to their densities, earth, water, and air, which graduallyarranged themselves, according to their respective gravities, round theburning or vitrified mass that formed their center. 

Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first wereuniversally paramount; and he terrifies himself with the idea that theearth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, andmountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in otherwords, absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime idea! far surpassing thatof the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into afountain; or the good dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility oftongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred thousand andthirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at her eyes before halfthe hideous task was accomplished. 

Whistorn, the same ingenious philosopher who rivaled Ditton in hisresearches after the longitude (for which the mischief-loving Swiftdischarged on their heads a most savory stanza), has distinguished himselfby a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that itwas originally a chaotic comet, which, being selected for the abode ofman, was removed from its eccentric orbit; and whirled round the sun inits present regular motion; by which change of direction, order succeededto confusion in the arrangement of its component parts. The philosopheradds that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute from the waterytail of another comet; doubtless through sheer envy of its improvedcondition; thus furnishing a melancholy proof that jealousy may prevaileven among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestialharmony of the spheres so melodiously sung by the poets. 

But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those ofBurnet, and Woodward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely that my timewill not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve; and shallconclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who isas much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credulityas serious research, and who has recommended himself wonderfully to thegood graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gallantries, amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora, has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. Accordingto his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode, like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act exploded the sun--which, inits flight, by a similar convulsion, exploded the earth, which in likeguise exploded the moon--and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, thewhole solar system was produced, and set most systematically inmotion![18]

By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, ifthoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all itsparts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude that thecreation of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined. I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world couldbe constructed; and I have no doubt that had any of the philosophers abovequoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophicalwarehouse, chaos, at his command, he would engage to manufacture, a planetas good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this weinhabit. 

And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Providence in creatingcomets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By theirassistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in thesystem of nature than are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by thewonder-working sword of harlequin. Should one of our modern sages, in histheoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds, and in danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he hasbut to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of its tail, and away hegallops in triumph like an enchanter on his hippogriff, or a Connecticutwitch on her broomstick, "to sweep the cobwebs out of the sky. "

It is an old and vulgar saying about a "beggar on horseback" which I wouldnot for the world have applied to these reverend philosophers; but I mustconfess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fierysteeds, are as wild in their curvettings as was Phaeton of yore, when heaspired to manage the chariot of Phoebus. One drives his comet at fullspeed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the mightyconcussion; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast ofburden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and faggots; a third, ofmore combustible disposition, threatens to throw his comet like abombshell into the world, and blow it up like a powder magazine; while afourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants, insinuates that some day or other his comet--my modest pen blushes while Iwrite it--shall absolutely turn tail upon our world and deluge it withwater! Surely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifullyprovided by Providence for the benefit of philosophers to assist them inmanufacturing theories. 

And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occurto my recollection, I leave my judicious readers at full liberty tochoose among them. They are all serious speculations of learned men--alldiffer essentially from each other--and all have the same title to belief. It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish theworks of their predecessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in theirstead, which in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castlesof a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius, of which we make such great parade, consist but in detecting the errorsand absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors andabsurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theoriesare the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of scienceamuse themselves while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupidadmiration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom!Surely Socrates was right in his opinion, that philosophers are but asoberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totallyincomprehensible, or which, if they could be comprehended, would be foundnot worthy the trouble of discovery. 

For my own part, until the learned have come to an agreement amongthemselves, I shall content myself with the account handed down to us byMoses; in which I do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbors ofConnecticut; who at their first settlement proclaimed that the colonyshould be governed by the laws of God--until they had time to make better. 

One thing, however, appears certain--from the unanimous authority of thebefore quoted philosophers, supported by the evidence of our own senses(which, though very apt to deceive us, may be cautiously admitted asadditional testimony)--it appears, I say, and I make the assertiondeliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really wascreated, and that it is composed of land and water. It further appearsthat it is curiously divided and parceled out into continents and islands, among which I boldly declare the renowned island of New York will be foundby any one who seeks for it in its proper place. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [10] Aristot. Ap, Cic. Lib. I. Cap. 3. 

 [11] Aristot. Metaph. Lib. I. C. 5. ; Idem, de Coelo, 1. Iii, c. I; Rousseau mem. Sur Musique ancien. P. 39; Plutarch de Plac. Philos. Lib. I. Cap. 3. 

 [12] Tim. Locr. Ap. Plato. T. Iii. P. 90. 

 [13] Aristot. Nat. Auscult. I. Ii. Cap. 6; Aristoph. Metaph. Lib. I. Cap. 3; Cic. De Nat. Deor. Lib. I. Cap. 10; Justin Mart. Orat. Ad gent. P. 20. 

 [14] Mosheim in Cudw. Lib. I. Cap. 4; Tim. De anim. Mund. Ap. Plat. Lib. Iii. ; Mem. De l'Acad. Des Belles-Lettr. T. Xxxii. P. 19. 

 [15] Book i. Ch. 5. 

 [16] Holwell, Gent. Philosophy. 

 [17] Johannes Megapolensis. Jun. Account of Maquaas or Mohawk Indians. 

 [18] Drw. Bot. Garden, part i. Cant. I. 1. 105. 

CHAPTER III. 

Noah, who is the first seafaring man we read of, begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting who affirm that thepatriarch had a number of other children. Thus Berosus makes him father ofthe gigantic Titans; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus(who was the first inventor of Johnny cakes); and others have mentioned ason, named Thuiscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, or, inother words, the Dutch nation. 

I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me togratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating minutelythe history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking would beattended with more trouble than many people would imagine; for the goodold patriarch seems to have been a great traveler in his day, and to havepassed under a different name in every country that he visited. TheChaldeans, for instance, give us his story, merely altering his name intoXisuthrus--a trivial alteration, which to an historian skilled inetymologies will appear wholly unimportant. It appears, likewise, that hehad exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for thegorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their annals. The Egyptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris; the Indians as Menu;the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges; and the Theban withDeucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the mostextensive and authentic historians, inasmuch as they have known the worldmuch longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi;and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is that it is afact, admitted by the most enlightened _literati_, that Noah traveled intoChina, at the time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably toimprove himself in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shuckfordgives us the additional information that the ark rested on a mountain onthe frontiers of China. 

From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses manysatisfactory deductions might be drawn; but I shall content myself withthe simple fact stated in the Bible--viz. , that Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscurecontingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events themost distant, and to the common observer unconnected, are inevitablyconsequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discoverthese mysterious affinities, and it is the proudest triumph of his skillto detect and drag forth some latent chain of causation, which at firstsight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of myreaders will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah canpossibly have with this history; and many will stare when informed thatthe whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its character andcourse from the simplest circumstance of the patriarch's having but threesons--but to explain. 

Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming solesurviving heir and proprietor of the earth, in fee simple, after thedeluge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children. To Shem he gave Asia; to Ham, Africa; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is athousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had therebeen a fourth he would doubtless have inherited America, which, ofcourse, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion;and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have beenspared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the firstdiscovery and population of this country. Noah, however, having providedfor his three sons, looked in all probability upon our country as merewild unsettled land, and said nothing about it; and to this unpardonabletaciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that Americadid not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe. 

It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towardsposterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it wasthe opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of thatponderosity of thought and profoundness of reflection so peculiar to hisnation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of theglobe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passionfor the seafaring life, superintended the transmigration. The pious andenlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for hisaversion to the marvelous, common to all great travelers, is conclusivelyof the same opinion; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon themanner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and underthe immediate direction of the great Noah. "I have already observed, "exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, "that it isan arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able topenetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect, I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriouslybelieve that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, andthat the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, a shipwhich was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoalsand quicksands to guard against, should be ignorant of, or should nothave communicates to his descendants, the art of sailing on the ocean?Therefore, they did sail on the ocean--therefore, they sailed toAmerica--therefore, America was discovered by Noah!"

Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikinglycharacteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, ratherthan the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares ita real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertainedthe thought of discovering America; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I aminclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with theworthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed ofmore accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimatehistorians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men ofantiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned areparticularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with theancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers should gravelygive us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, farmore copious and accurate than the Bible; and that, in the course ofanother century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current amonghistorians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history ofRobinson Crusoe. 

I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additionalsuppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the firstdiscovery of this country, with which unhappy historians overloadthemselves in their endeavors to satisfy the doubts of an incredulousworld. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting, and toiling, and sweating under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works, which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle ofstraw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have establishedthe fact, to the satisfaction of all the world, that this country hasbeen discovered I shall avail myself of their useful labors to beextremely brief upon this point. 

I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America was firstdiscovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet, which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by thatCarthaginian expedition which, Pliny the naturalist informs us, discoveredthe Canary Islands; or whether it was settled by a temporary colony fromTyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whetherit was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdnessadvances; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biron; nor be Behem theGerman navigator, as Mr. Otto has endeavored to prove to the savants ofthe learned city of Philadelphia. 

Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded onthe voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who, having neverreturned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone toAmerica, and that for a plain reason if he did not go there, where elsecould he have gone?--a question which most Socratically shuts out allfurther dispute. 

Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with amultitude of others equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted thevulgar opinion that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492, by Christopher Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus, but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures ofthis Colon I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficientlyknown. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have beencalled Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident. 

Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picturethem to myself, all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land ofpromise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it intotheir possession. But if I do, may I ever forfeit the reputation of aregular bred historian! No--no--most curious and thrice-learned readers(for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, andnine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after), we haveyet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of thisfair quarter of the globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find acountry ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they mightrevel at their ease? No such thing. They had forests to cut down, underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. Inlike manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, andparadoxes to explain before I permit you to range at random; but thesedifficulties once overcome we shall be enabled to jog on right merrilythrough the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo thenature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has beenfound by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense--this being animprovement in history which I claim the merit of having invented. 

CHAPTER IV. 

The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our historyis to ascertain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled--apoint fruitful of incredible embarrassments; for unless we prove that theaborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediatelyasserted in this age of scepticism, that they did not come at all; and ifthey did not come at all, then was this country never populated--aconclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but whollyirreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it mustsyllogistically prove fatal to the innumerable aborigines of this populousregion. 

To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation somany millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have beenplundered! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained! and how manycapacious heads of learned historians have been addled and for everconfounded! I pause with reverential awe when I contemplate the ponderoustomes in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solvethis question, so important to the happiness of society, but so involvedin clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engagedin the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and, after leading us aweary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at theend of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtlesssome philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poetMacrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematises mostheartily as "an irksome, agonising care, a superstitious industry aboutunprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, andto be doing what signifies nothing when it is done. " But to proceed. 

Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of thiscountry I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in mylast chapter. The claimants next in celebrity are the descendants ofAbraham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), when he firstdiscovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, immediately concluded, with ashrewdness that would have done honor to a philosopher, that he had foundthe ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishingthe temple at Jerusalem; nay, Colon even imagined that he saw the remainsof furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining theprecious ore. 

So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, wastoo tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons oflearning; and, accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready toswear to its correctness, and to bring in their usual load of authoritiesand wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vatablus and Robert Stephensdeclared nothing could be more clear; Arius Montanus, without the leasthesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the earlysettlers of the country. While Possevin, Becan, and several othersagacious writers lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras, which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the keystone of anarch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability. 

Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure when intrudges a phalanx of opposite authors with Hans de Laet, the greatDutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric abouttheir ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israelitish claimsto the first settlement of this country, attributing all those equivocalsymptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said tobe found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, who hasalways effected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. "A remark, "says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, "made by all good authors who havespoken of the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded, besides, on the authority of the fathers of the church. "

Some writers again, among whom it is with much regret I am compelled tomention Lopez de Gomara and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites, being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such apanic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to takebreath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neithertheir national language, manners, nor features with them it is supposedthey left them behind in the hurry of their flight. I cannot give myfaith to this opinion. 

I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, who being both anambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, thatNorth America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and thatPeru was founded by a colony from China--Manco or Mungo Capac, the firstIncas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely mention thatFather Kircher ascribes the settlement of America to the Egyptians, Budbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to askating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celtæ, Marinocus the Sicilianto the Romans, Le Comte to the Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martind'Angleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage surmise of De Laet, that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor. 

Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America isthe fairy region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveler MarcoPolo the Venetian; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis, described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenishassertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originallyfurnished with an Adam and Eve. Or the more flattering opinion of Dr. Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of theIndian race; or the startling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin, so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species isaccidentally descended foam a remarkable family of monkeys!

This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and veryungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazingin stupid wonder at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at onceelectrified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders. Little did I think at such times that it would ever fall to my lot to betreated with equal discourtesy, and that while I was quietly beholdingthese grave philosophers emulating the eccentric transformations of thehero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, andwith one hypocritical flourish metamorphose us into beasts! I determinedfrom that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories, but content myself with detailing the different methods by which theytransported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys tothis great field of theoretical warfare. 

This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water. Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land, first by thenorth of Europe, secondly by the north of Asia, and, thirdly, by regionssouthward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches hisNorwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea, through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; and variouswriters, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Buffon, anxious for theaccommodation of these travelers, have fastened the two continentstogether by a strong chain of deductions--by which means they could passover dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that industrious oldgentleman, who compiles books and manufactures geographies, hasconstructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at thedistance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits-for which he isentitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who everdid or ever will pass over it. 

It is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers abovequoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaringhostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. Inthis particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird, which, in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of allthe birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously toimpede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittleproductions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take carethat, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crackeach other. 

My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no onehas attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon--orthat the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as whitebears cruise about the northern oceans--or that they were conveyed hitherby balloons, as modern aeronauts pass from Dover to Calais--or bywitchcraft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars--or after the manner ofthe renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the New England witches onfull-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard-of journeys on the back of agolden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo. 

But there is still one mode left by which this country could have beenpeopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worthall the rest; it is--by accident! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, NewGuinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes: "Infine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have beenso by accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might itnot have been at the same time, and by the same means, with the otherparts of the globe?" This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusionsfrom possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and provesthe good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the worldwithout anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by thedexterity with which the sturdy old Jesuit in another place cuts thegordian knot--"Nothing, " says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of bothhemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The commonfather of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people theworld, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about it wasnecessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also beenovercome!" Pious logician! how does he put all the herd of laborioustheorists to the blush, by explaining in five words what it has cost themvolumes to prove they knew nothing about!

From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I haveconsulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearnedreader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however, are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world hasactually been peopled (Q. E. D. ) to support which we have living proofs inthe numerous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Secondly, that it has beenpeopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors, who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have beeneye-witnesses to the fact. Thirdly, that the people of this country had avariety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their creditby the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better. The question, therefore, I trust, is for ever at rest. 

CHAPTER V. 

The writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto anadventurous knight, who having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way ofestablishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry to turn back forno difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemyhe may encounter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, andfall to with might and main at those doughty questions and subtleparadoxes which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entranceto my history, and would fain repulse me from the very threshold. And atthis moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take bythe beard and utterly subdue before I can advance another step in myhistoric undertaking; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shallhave to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled toconduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work. 

The question which has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the firstdiscoverers of America to land and take possession of a country withoutfirst gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequatecompensation for their territory?--a question which has withstood manyfierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to multitudes ofkind-hearted folk. And, indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put torest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil theyinhabit with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied conscience. 

The first source of right by which property is acquired in a country isdiscovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to anything which hasnever before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers anuninhabited country, and takes possession thereof, is considered asenjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein. [19]

This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly that the Europeans whofirst visited America were the real discoverers of the same; nothing beingnecessary to the establishment of this fact but simply to prove that itwas totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a pointof some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the worldabounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, hadsomething of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligiblesounds, very much like language; in short, had a marvelous resemblance tohuman beings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied thediscoverers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven byestablishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up thispoint, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the Pope and of allChristian voyagers and discoverers. 

They plainly proved, and, as there were no Indian writers arose on theother side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established, that the two-legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals, detestable monsters, and many of them giants--which last description ofvagrants have, since the time of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been consideredas outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, orsong. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Americans to bepeople proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarouscustom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh. 

Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism; among many otherwriters of discernment, Ulla tells us, "their imbecility is so visiblethat one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has ofthe brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equallyinsensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are ascontented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes noimpression on them, and respect as little. " All this is furthermoresupported by the authority of M. Boggier. "It is not easy, " says he, "todescribe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all itsadvantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them whenone would persuade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money;they answer they are not hungry. " And Vane gas confirms the whole, assuring us that "ambition they have none, and are more desirous of beingthought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us--honor, fame, reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions--are unknown among them. Sothat this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seeming good andreal evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappymortals may be compared to children, in whom the development of reason isnot completed. "

Now all these peculiarities, although in the unenlightened states ofGreece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, ashaving reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the meretalking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputation of sagesand philosophers; yet were they clearly proved in the present instance tobetoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the humancharacter. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn theseunhappy savages into dumb beasts by dint of argument, advanced stillstronger proofs; for as certain divines of the sixteenth century, andamong the rest Lullus, affirm, the Americans go naked, and have no beards!"They have nothing, " says Lullus, "of the reasonable animal, except themask. " And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it wassoon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion--and being of acopper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes--andnegroes are black, "and black, " said the pious fathers, devoutly crossingthemselves, "is the color of the devil!" Therefore, so far from being ableto own property, they had no right even to personal freedom--for libertyis too radiant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All whichcircumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes andPizarro that these miscreants had no title to the soil that theyinfested--that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless, black-seed--mere wild beasts of the forests and, like them, should eitherbe subdued or exterminated. 

From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equallyconclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that thisfair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howlingwilderness, inhabited by nothing but wild beasts; and that thetransatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein, bythe right of discovery. 

This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is theright acquired by cultivation. "The cultivation of the soil, " we are told, "is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world isappointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants; but it would beincapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obligedby the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share. Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, havingfertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live byrapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be exterminated assavage and pernicious beasts. "[20]

Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture whenfirst discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly, unrighteous life, rambling from place to place, and prodigally riotingupon the spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity toyield them anything more; whereas it has been most unquestionably shownthat Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured, and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country seats, andpleasure grounds, and public gardens, all which the Indians knew nothingabout--therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence hadbestowed on them--therefore they were careless stewards--therefore, theyhad no right to the soil--therefore, they deserved to be exterminated. 

It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits fromthe land which their simple wants required--they found plenty of game tohunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth, furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts; and that asHeaven merely designed the earth to form the abode and satisfy the wantsof man, so long as those purposes were answered the will of Heaven wasaccomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of theblessings around them--they were so much the more savages for not havingmore wants; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires, and itis this superiority both in the number and magnitude of his desires thatdistinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not havingmore wants, were very unreasonable animals; and it was but just that theyshould make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one, and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivatingit more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides--Grotius and Lauterbach, and Puffendorf, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have consideredthe matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannotbe acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it--nothing butprecise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, canestablish the possession. Now as the savages (probably from never havingread the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of thesenecessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil, but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who hadmore knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial, desires than themselves. 

In entering upon a newly discovered, uncultivated country, therefore, thenew comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaiddoctrine, was their own property--therefore in opposing them, the savageswere invading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of nature, and counteracting the will of Heaven--therefore, they were guilty ofimpiety, burglary, and trespass on the case--therefore, they were hardenedoffenders against God and man--therefore, they ought to be exterminated. 

But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and onewhich will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he beblessed with bowels of charity and philanthropy, is the right acquired bycivilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poorsavages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but, whatis still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries oftheir situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europebehold their sad condition than they immediately went to work toameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy, and the other comforts of life--and it is astonishing to read how soon thepoor savages learn to estimate those blessings--they likewise made knownto them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases arealleviated and healed; and that they might comprehend the benefits andenjoy the comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced amongthem the diseases which they were calculated to cure. By these and avariety of other methods was the condition of these poor savageswonderfully improved; they acquired a thousand wants of which they hadbefore been ignorant, and as he has most sources of happiness who has mostwants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier raceof beings. 

But the most important branch of civilization, and which has moststrenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the RomanChurch, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sightthat might well inspire horror, to behold these savages tumbling among thedark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance ofreligion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded; they were sober, frugal, continent, and faithful to their word; but though they acted righthabitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The newcomers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace andpractice the true religion--except, indeed, that of setting them theexample. 

But not withstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such wasthe unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that theyungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors, and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate;most insolently alleging that, from their conduct, the advocates ofChristianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this toomuch for human patience? Would not one suppose that the benign visitantsfrom Europe, provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by theirstiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have abandoned their shores, andconsigned them to their original ignorance and misery? But no: so zealouswere they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of thesepagan infidels that they even proceeded from the milder means ofpersuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution--letloose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furiousbloodhounds--purified them by fire and sword, by stake and faggot; inconsequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian loveand charity was so rapidly advanced that in a few years not one fifth ofthe number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found thereat the time of its discovery. 

What stronger right need the European settlers advance to the country thanthis? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquaintedwith a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts of which theywere before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted andsmoked out of the dens and lurking places of ignorance and infidelity, andabsolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, thevain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engagetheir worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them; andhave they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections onthings above? And finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father, in a letter to his superior in Spain: "Can any one have the presumption tosay that these savage pagans have yielded anything more than aninconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them alittle pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for aglorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven. "

Here then are three complete and undeniable sources of right established, any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in thenewly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certainparts of this delightful quarter of the globe that the right of discoveryhas been so strenuously asserted--the influence of cultivation soindustriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization sozealously persecuted; that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions, oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on theskirts of great benefits--the savage aborigines have, somehow or other, been utterly annihilated--and this all at once brings me to a fourthright, which is worth all the others put together. For the originalclaimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining toinherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediateoccupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeedsto the clothes of the malefactor--and as they have Blackstone[21] and allthe learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actionsof ejectment at defiance--and this last right may be entitled the right byextermination, or in other words, the right by gunpowder. 

But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and tosettle the question of right for ever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI. Issued a mighty Bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discoveredquarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese; who, thus having lawand gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal, showed the pagan savages neither favor nor affection, but persecuted thework of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with tentimes more fury than ever. 

Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearlyentitled to the soil, and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise tothe eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far, endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains, for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, andheathenish condition; for having made them acquainted with the comforts oflife; for having introduced among them the light of religion; and, finally, for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its reward!

But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as whenit comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that thisquestion should be put to rest for ever, I will suppose a parallel case, by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers. 

Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the moon, by astonishingadvancement in science, and by profound insight into that ineffable lunarphilosophy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled thefeebled optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of ourglobe--let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon, by thesemeans, had arrived at such a command of their energies, such an enviablestate of perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navigate theboundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaringphilosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among thestars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I begmy readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is toofrequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the gravespeculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive veinat present; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many maydeem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, andmany a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelming cares andcontrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, haveI lain awake whole nights debating in my mind whether it were mostprobable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moondiscover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing inthe air or cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing andincomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navigatingfloating castles through the world of waters to the simple savages. Wehave already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of ourplanet by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along theirsea-coasts in canoes; and the disparity between the former and the aerialvehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than thatbetween the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of theirdiscoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations;but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to myreader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of hisattentive consideration. 

To return, then, to my supposition--let us suppose that the aerialvisitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge toourselves--that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art ofextermination--riding on hippogriffs--defended with impenetrablearmor--armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines, to hurl enormous moonstones; in short, let us suppose them, if our vanitywill permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, andconsequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when theyfirst discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only ourself-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise; and I warrant the poorsavages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all theterrors of glittering steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectlyconvinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous, powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are at this present moment thelordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, oreven the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic. 

Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, finding this planet tobe nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us poor savages and wildbeasts, shall take formal possession of it, in the name of his mostgracious and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding howeverthat their numbers are incompetent to hold it in complete subjection, onaccount of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take ourworthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mightyBonaparte, and the great King of Bantam, and, returning to their nativeplanet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about asspectacles in the courts of Europe. 

Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, theyshall address the puissant Man in the Moon in, as near as I canconjecture, the following terms:----

"Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eyecan reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass, and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We, thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in thecourse of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure littledirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouthmonsters which we have brought into this august present were once veryimportant chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beingstotally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing ineverything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry theirheads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms--have two eyesinstead of one--are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety ofunseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead ofpea-green. 

"We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of theutmost ignorance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his ownwife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that communityof wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophersof the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophyamong them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians. Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunarywretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, tointroduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon. Wehave treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitrousoxide, which they swallowed with incredible voracity, particularly thefemales; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the preceptsof lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing thecontemptible shackles of religion and common sense, and adoring theprofound, omnipotent, and all perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable, immovable perfection. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of thesewretched savages that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, andadhering to their religion, and absolutely set at nought the sublimedoctrines of the moon--nay, among other abominable heresies they even wentso far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made ofnothing more nor less than green cheese!"

At these words, the great Man in the Moon (being a very profoundphilosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equalauthority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilome hisholiness the Pope, shall forthwith issue a formidable Bull, specifying, "That whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered and takenpossession of a newly-discovered planet called the earth; and that whereasit is inhabited by none but a race of two-legged animals that carry theirheads on their shoulders instead of under their arms; cannot talk theLunatic language; have two eyes instead of one; are destitute of tails, and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green--therefore, and for avariety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable ofpossessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and titleto it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And, furthermore, thecolonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet areauthorised and commanded to use every means to convert these infidelsavages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough andabsolute Lunatics. "

In consequence of this benevolent Bull, our philosophic benefactors go towork with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge usfrom our rightful possessions, relieve us from our wives, and when we areunreasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say, "Miserable barbarians! ungrateful wretches! have we not come thousands ofmiles to improve your worthless planet? have we not fed you withmoonshine! have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide? does not ourmoon give you light every night? and have you the baseness to murmur, whenwe claim a pitiful return for all these benefits?" But finding that we notonly persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief intheir philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property, their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superiorpowers of argument; hunt us with hippogriffs, transfix us withconcentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moonstones; until havingby main force converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permitus to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions ofLapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms oflunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightenedsavages of this country are kindly suffered to inhabit the inhospitableforests of the north, or the impenetrable wilderness of South America. 

Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strikingly illustrated, the rightof the early colonists to the possession of this country; and thus is thisgigantic question completely vanquished: so having manfully surmounted allobstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I shouldforthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in amanner besieging? But hold: before I proceed another step I must pause totake breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, inpreparing to begin this most accurate of histories. And in this I do butimitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took astart of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but havingrun himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himselfquietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at hisleisure. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [19] Grotius: Puffendorf, b. V. C. 4, Vattel, b. I. C. 18, etc. 

 [20] Vattel, b. I. Ch. 17. 

 [21] Bl. Com. B. Ii. C. 1. 

_BOOK II. _

TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW NEDERLANDTS. 

CHAPTER I. 

My great-grandfather by the mother's side, Hermanus Van Clattercop, whenemployed to build the large stone church at Rotterdam, which stands aboutthree hundred yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, andwhich is so conveniently constructed that all the zealous Christians ofRotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any other church inthe city--my great-grandfather, I say, when employed to build that famouschurch, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; thenhaving purchased a new spitting-box and a hundredweight of the bestVirginia, he sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of threemonths but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three monthsmore in trudging on foot, and voyaging in the trekschuit, from Rotterdamto Amsterdam--to Delft--to Haerlem--to Leyden--to the Hague, knocking hishead and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did headvance gradually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in fullsight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then didhe spend three months longer in walking round it and round it;contemplating it, first from one point of view and then from another--nowhe would be paddled by it on the canal--now would he peep at it through atelescope, from the other side of the Meuse--and now would he take abird's-eye glance at it, from the top of one of those gigantic windmillswhich protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were onthe tiptoe of expectation and impatience--notwithstanding all the turmoilof my great-grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen;they even began to fear it would never be brought into the world, but thatits great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan hehad conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffingand paddling, and talking and walking--having traveled over all Holland, and even taken a peep into France and Germany--having smoked five hundredand ninety-nine pipes and three hundredweight of the best Virginiatobacco--my great-grandfather gathered together all that knowing andindustrious class of citizens who prefer attending to anybody's businesssooner than their own, and having pulled off his coat and five pair ofbreeches, he advanced sturdily up, and laid the corner-stone of thechurch, in the presence of the whole multitude--just at the commencementof the thirteenth month. 

In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor fullbefore my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history. The honest Rotterdammers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doingnothing at all to the purpose, while he was making such a world ofprefatory bustle about the building of his church; and many of theingenious inhabitants of this fair city will unquestionably suppose thatall the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, population, and finalsettlement of America, were totally irrelevant and superfluous--and thatthe main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advancedthan if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mistakenin their conjectures. In consequence of going to work slowly anddeliberately, the church came out of my grandfather's hands one of themost sumptuous, goodly, and glorious edifices in the knownworld--excepting that, like our magnificent capitol at Washington, it wasbegun on so grand a scale that the good folk could not afford to finishmore than the wing of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am able tofinish this work on the plan I have commenced (of which, in simple truth, I sometimes have my doubts), it will be found that I have pursued thelatest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of all the greatAmerican historians, and wrought a very large history out of a smallsubject--which nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs ofhistoric skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story. 

In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, thefive-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that "worthy andirrecoverable discoverer (as he has justly been called), Master HenryHudson, " set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half Moon, being employed by the Dutch East India Company to seek a north-westpassage to China. 

Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was aseafaring man of renown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under Sir WalterRaleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland, which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to findgreat favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses the Lords StatesGeneral, and also of the Honorable West India Company. He was a short, square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff mouth, and abroad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired itsfiery hue from the constant neighborhood of his tobacco pipe. 

He wore a true Andrea Ferrara tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore'scocked hat on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerkingup his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded notunlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, owing to the number of hardnorth-westers which he had swallowed in the course of his seafaring. 

Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know solittle; and I have been thus particular in his description, for thebenefit of modern painters and statuaries, that they may represent him ashe was; and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, makehim look like a Cæsar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere. 

As chief mate and favorite companion, the commodore chose Master RobertJuet, of Limehouse, in England. By some his name has been spelt Chewit, and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man thatever chewed tobacco; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy; moreespecially as certain of his progeny are living at this day, who writetheir names Juet. He was an old comrade and early schoolmate of the greatHudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip boats in aneighboring pond, when they were little boys; from whence, it is said, thecommodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it isthat the old people about Limehouse declared Robert Juet to be a unluckyurchin prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows. 

He grew up as boys of that kind often grow up, a rambling, heedlessvarlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, meeting with moreperils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit morewise, prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune he comforted himselfwith a quid of tobacco, and the truly philosophic maxim that "it will beall the same thing a hundred years hence. " He was skilled in the art ofcarving anchors and true lovers' knot on the bulk-heads and quarterrailings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence ofhis playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even making awry face at old Hendrick when his back was turned. 

To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerningthis voyage, of which he wrote a history, at the request of the commodore, who had an unconquerable aversion to writing himself, from having receivedso many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies ofMaster Juet's journal, which is written with true log-book brevity, I haveavailed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from mygreat-great-grandfather, who accompanied the expedition in the capacity ofcabin-boy. 

From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in thevoyage; and it mortifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted anexpedition into my work without making any more of it. 

Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous and tranquil--the crew, beinga patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but littletroubled with the disease of thinking--a malady of the mind, which is thesure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin andsour-krout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unlessthe wind blew. True it is, some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two orthree occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus, for instance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light and theweather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutchseamen as certain weather-breeders, or prognostics, that the weather wouldchange for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to thatancient and sage rule of the Dutch navigators, who always took in sail atnight, put the helm a-port, and turned in; by which precaution they had agood night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning, and stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark. Helikewise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and sixpair of breeches, under pretence of rendering them more alert; and no manwas permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, asis the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances, though they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tranquillity ofthe honest Dutch tars, made but transient impression; they ate hugely, drank profusely, and slept immeasurably; and being under the especialguidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to the coast ofAmerica; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off andon, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majesticbay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York, and which had never before been visited by any European. [22]

It has been traditionary in our family that when the great navigator wasfirst blessed with a view of this enchanting island, he was observed, forthe first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms ofastonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to master Juet, anduttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise ofthe new world--"See! there!"--and thereupon, as was always his way when hewas uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense tobacco smokethat in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and Master Juetwas fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog. 

"It was indeed, " as my great-grandfather used to say, though in truth Inever heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was born--"itwas indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled for ever, in evernew and never-ending beauties. " The island of Manna-hata spread widebefore them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation ofindustrious magic. Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one aboveanother, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth; some pointing theirtapering foliage towards the clouds which were gloriously transparent, andothers loaded with a verdant burden of clambering vines, bowing theirbranches to the earth that was covered with flowers. On the gentledeclivities of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog-wood, thesumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossomsglowed brightly among the deep green of the surrounding foliage; and hereand there a curling column of smoke rising from the little glens thatopened along the shore seemed to promise the weary voyagers a welcome atthe hands of their fellow-creatures. As they stood gazing with entrancedattention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers, issued from one of these glens, and after contemplating in silent wonderthe gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silverlake, sounded the war-whoop, and bounded into the woods like a wild deer, to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heardsuch a noise or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives. 

Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how thelatter smoked copper pipes and ate dried currants; how they brought greatstore of tobacco and oysters; how they shot one of the ship's crew, andhow he was buried, I shall say nothing, being that I consider themunimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in orderto refresh themselves after their seafaring, our voyagers weighed anchor, to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it issaid, was known among the savages by the name of the Shatemuck; though weare assured in an excellent little history published in 1674, by JohnJosselyn, gent. , that it was called the Mohegan;[23] and Master RichardBloome, who wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same--so that I verymuch incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Bethis as it may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, littledoubting but it would turn to be the much-looked-for passage to China!

The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crewand the natives in the voyage up the river; but as they would beimpertinent to my history, I shall pass over them in silence, except thefollowing dry joke, played off by the old commodore and his schoolfellowRobert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophythat I cannot refrain from inserting it. "Our master and his matedetermined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey whether they hadany treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gavethem so much wine and acqua vitæ that they were all merrie; and one ofthem had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as any of our countreywomen would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke, which had been aboarde of our ship all the time that we had been there, and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it. "[24]

Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the nativeswere an honest, social race of jolly roysterers, who had no objection toa drinking bout, and were very merry in their cups, the old commodorechuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in hischeek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for thesatisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the University ofLeyden--which done, he proceeded on his voyage with greatself-complacency. After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up theriver, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallowand confined, the current more rapid and perfectly fresh--phenomena notuncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchmanprodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberatedfull six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship'srunning aground--whereupon they unanimously concluded that there was butlittle chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, wasdespatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return, confirmed the opinion; upon this the ship was warped off and put aboutwith great difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard togovern; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the account of mygreat-great-grandfather, returned down the river--with a prodigious fleain his ear!

Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China, unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took afresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Holland, where he wasreceived with great welcome by the Honorable East India Company, who werevery much rejoiced to see him come back safe--with their ship; and at alarge and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters ofAmsterdam it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent reward forthe eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he hadmade, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name; and itcontinues to be called Hudson River unto this very day. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [22] True it is, and I am not ignorant of the fact, that in a certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hackluyt, is to be found a letter written to Francis the First, by one Giovanni, or John Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined to found a belief that this delightful bay had been visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enterprising Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the countenance of certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in utter disbelief, and that for various good and substantial reasons: First, because on strict examination it will be found that the description given by this Verazzani applies about as well to the bay of New York as it does to my nightcap. Secondly, because that this John Verazzani, for whom I already begin to feel a most bitter enmity, is a native of Florence, and everybody knows the crafty wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched away the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon (vulgarly called Columbus), and bestowed them on their officious townsman, Amerigo Vespucci; and I make no doubt they are equally ready to rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this beauteous island, adorned by the city of New York, and placing it beside their usurped discovery of South America. And, thirdly, I award my decision in favor of the pretensions of Hendrick Hudson, inasmuch as his expedition sailed from Holland, being truly and absolutely a Dutch enterprise; and though all the proofs in the world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at nought as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not sufficient to satisfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I can say is they are degenerate descendants from their venerable Dutch ancestors, and totally unworthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, therefore, the title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned discovery is fully vindicated. 

 [23] This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as Manhattan--Noordt, Montaigne, and Mauritius river. 

 [24] Juet's Journ. Purch. Pil. 

CHAPTER II. 

The delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and Master Juet of thecountry they had discovered excited not a little talk and speculationamong the good people of Holland. Letters patent were granted byGovernment to an association of merchants, called the West India Company, for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, on which they erected atrading-house called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring thegreat city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commercial andcolonizing enterprises which took place; among which was that of MynheerAdrian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famousfor its cheese--and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birthto this renowned city. 

It was some three or four years after the return of the immortal Hendrickthat a crew of honest Low Dutch colonists set sail from the city ofAmsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history, and a great proof of the darkness of the age and the lamentable neglect ofthe noble art of book-making, since so industriously cultivated by knowingsea-captains and learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interestingand important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To mygreat-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabledto give concerning it--he having once more embarked for this country, witha full determination, as he said, of ending his days here--and ofbegetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in theland. 

The ship in which these illustrious adventurers set sail was called theGoede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the president ofthe West India Company, who was allowed by everybody, except her husband, to be a sweet-tempered lady--when not in liquor. It was in truth a mostgallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by theablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always modeltheir ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordingly, ithad one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and onehundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the taffrail. Like thebeauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam, it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous catheads, a copperbottom, and withal a most prodigious poop. 

The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far from decoratingthe ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune or Hercules, whichheathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes andshipwreck of many a noble vessel, he I say, on the contrary, did laudablyerect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low, broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk hose, and a pipe thatreached to the end of the bow-sprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the staunchship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of thegreat city of Amsterdam, and all the bells that were not otherwiseengaged, rung a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion. 

My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonlyprosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St. Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown tocommon vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get alongvery nearly as fast with the wind a head as when it was a-poop, and wasparticularly great in a calm; in consequence of which singular advantageshe made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came toanchor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island. 

Here lifting up their eyes they beheld, on what is at present called theJersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove ofspreading elms, and the natives all collected on the beach, gazing instupid admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately dispatched toenter into a treaty with them, and, approaching the shore, hailed themthrough a trumpet in the most friendly terms; but so horribly confoundedwere these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the LowDutch language that they one and all took to their heels, and scamperedover the Bergen Hills: nor did they stop until they had buried themselves, head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miserablyperished to a man; and their bones being collected and decently covered bythe Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular mound calledRattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the center of the salt marshes alittle to the east of the Newark Causeway. 

Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore intriumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of theirHigh Mightinesses the Lords States General; and marching fearlesslyforward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, not withstanding thatit was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws andpappooses. On looking about them they were so transported with theexcellences of the place that they had very little doubt the blessed St. Nicholas had guided them thither as the very spot whereon to settle theircolony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving ofpiles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities forthe constructing of dykes and dams; the shallowness of the shore waspeculiarly favorable to the building of docks; in a word, this spotabounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch City. On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw, they one and all determined that this was the destined end of theirvoyage. Accordingly, they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women andchildren, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, andformed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by theIndian name Communipaw. 

As all the world is doubtless perfectly acquainted with Communipaw, it mayseem somewhat superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but myreaders will please to recollect, that not withstanding it is my chiefdesire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, andhave to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score ofcenturies yet to come; by which time, perhaps, were it not for thisinvaluable history, the great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh, and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct--sunk and forgotten inits own mud--its inhabitants turned into oysters, [25] and even itssituation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard-headedinvestigation among indefatigable historians. Let me, then, piously rescuefrom oblivion the humble relics of a place which was the egg from whencewas hatched the mighty city of New York!

Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated amongrural scenery, on that beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was knownin ancient legends by the name of Pavonia, [26] and commands a grandprospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour'ssail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may bedistinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well known fact, which I cantestify from my own experience, that on a clear still summer evening youmay hear from the battery of New York the obstreperous peals ofbroad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like mostother negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is peculiarly thecase on Sunday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious andobservant philosopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhoodof this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to thecircumstance of their having their holiday clothes on. 

These negroes, in fact, like the monks in the dark ages, engross all theknowledge of the place, and, being infinitely more adventurous, and moreknowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade, makingfrequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk andcabbages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes ofweather almost as accurately as an almanac; they are, moreover, exquisiteperformers on three-stringed fiddles; in whistling they almost boast thefar-famed powers of Orpheus' lyre, for not a horse nor an ox in the place, when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hearsthe well known whistle of his black driver and companion. And from theiramazing skill at casting up accounts upon their fingers they are regardedwith as much veneration as were the disciples of Pythagoras of yore wheninitiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers. 

As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and soundphilosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their headsabout any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood; so that they livein profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, anxieties, andrevolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among themdo verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much fromtradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island; that Spiking-devil andthe Narrows are the two ends of the world; that the country is still underthe dominion of their High Mightinesses, and that the city of New Yorkstill goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturdayafternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign asquare-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silentpipe by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mugof cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, whom they imagine is stillsweeping the British Channel with a broom at his masthead. 

Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little villages in thevicinity of this most beautiful of cities, which are so many strongholdsand fastnesses whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers haveretreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulousstrictness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolatefrom father to son--the identical broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat, and broad-bottomed breeches continue from generation to generation; andseveral gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear that madegallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The languagelikewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innovations; and socritically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect that hisreading of a Low Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as thefiling of a hand-saw. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [25] Men by inaction degenerate into oysters. --Kaimes. 

 [26] Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country extending from about Hoboken to Amboy. 

CHAPTER III. 

Having in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapterdischarged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw, as being the mother settlement; and having given a faithful picture of itas it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment ofself-approbation to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the GoedeVrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importations from Holland, thesettlement went jollily on increasing in magnitude and prosperity. Theneighboring Indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth soundof the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place betweenthem and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, andthe Dutch to long silence; in this particular, therefore, theyaccommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speechesabout the big bull, the wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the otherswould listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her;whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed thenew settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while thelatter in return, made them drunk with true Hollands, and then taught themthe art of making bargains. 

A brisk trade for furs was soon opened. The Dutch traders werescrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight, establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois that the hand of aDutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true the simpleIndians were often puzzled by the great disproportion between bulk andweight, for let them place a bundle of furs never so large in one scale, and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure tokick the beam; never was a package of furs known to weigh more than twopounds in the market of Communipaw!

This is a singular fact; but I have it direct from mygreat-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable importance in thecolony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on account of theuncommon heaviness of his foot. 

The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a verythriving appearance, and were comprehended under the general title ofNieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of theirgreat resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, which indeed was trulyremarkable, excepting that the former was rugged and mountainous, and thelatter level and marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutchcolonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, CaptainSir Samuel Argal, sailing under a commission from Dale, Governor ofVirginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demandedtheir submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To thisarrogant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submittedfor the time, like discreet and reasonable men. 

It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement ofCommunipaw; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove insight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic that they fellto smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence; insomuch that theyquickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods andmarshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village, andoverhung the fair regions of Pavonia--so that the terrible Captain Argalpassed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement laysnugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. Incommemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabitants havecontinued to smoke almost without intermission unto this very day, whichis said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs overCommunipaw of a clear afternoon. 

Upon the departure of the enemy our magnanimous ancestors took full sixmonths to recover their wind, having been exceedingly discomposed by theconsternation and hurry of affairs. They then called a council of safetyto smoke over the state of the provinces. At this council presided oneOloffe Van Kortlandt, who had originally been one of a set of peripateticphilosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the sideof the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland; enjoying, like Diogenes, afree and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland orLackland) was supposed, like that of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, toindicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that hehad great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita; and he had come outto the new world to look after them. 

Like all land speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never didanything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he hadpreviously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predictevents after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highlyvalued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations ofantiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than hiswaking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook anygreat exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it; and the same may besaid of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe theDreamer. 

As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit;and he was as much a lackland as ever. Still he carried a high head in thecommunity: if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set itoft with a taller cock's tail; if his shirt was none of the cleanest, hepuffed it out the more at the bosom; and if the tail of it peeped out of ahole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and wasnot a mere ruffle. 

The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy ofemerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible sitefor the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St. Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before, and whom hehad known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which hebore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw. 

Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye, because hehad arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who wasanxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might bepresent at the distribution of "town lots. " But we must not give heed tosuch insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against those worthygentlemen engaged in laying out towns and in other land speculations. 

This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself, who choseas lieutenants, or coadjutors, Mynheers Abraham Harden Broeck, Jacobus VanZandt, and Winant Ten Broeck--three indubitably great men, but of whosehistory, although I have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but littleprevious to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise;for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, haveseldom much celebrity in their own countries; but this much is certainthat the overflowings and offscourings of a country are invariablycomposed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I cannot helpremarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and greatfamilies of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroesof yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestlyannounced themselves descended from a god, and who never visited a foreigncountry but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their beingkings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it hasbeen occasionally played off by some pseudo marquis, baronet, and otherillustrious foreigner, in our land of good-natured credulity, has beencompletely discountenanced in this sceptical, matter-of-fact age; and Ieven question whether any tender virgin, who was accidentally andunaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlorfiresides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, ashower of gold, or a river god. 

Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, Ishould have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to thatof the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, Van Zandt--that is to say, from the dirt--gave reasons to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themis, theCyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra or the Earth! Thissupposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well knownthat all the progeny of Mother Earth were of a gigantic stature; and VanZandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, withan astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious VanZandt a whit more improbable or repugnant to belief than what is relatedand universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest, men, who we are told with the utmost gravity did originally spring from adunghill!

Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time, which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling littleman; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, wasfamiliarly dubbed Harden Broeck, or Tough Breeches. 

Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventurers. It is a singular butludicrous fact, which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth, I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence, as incompatible withthe gravity and dignity of history, that this worthy gentleman shouldlikewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered themost ignoble part of the dress. But, in truth, the small-clothes seems tohave been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors, in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has beenpronounced "the seat of honor. "

The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was sometimes spelt, Tin Broeck, hasbeen indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. The mostelegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, orrather Thin, Breeches; whence they infer that the original bearer of itwas a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest, and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that trulyphilosophical stanza:----

 "Then why should we quarrel for riches, Or any such glittering toys? A light heart and thin pair of breeches Will go through the world, my brave boys!"

The High Dutch commentators, however, declare in favor of the otherreading, and affirm that the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man, who, in sheer ostentation of his venerable progenitors, was the first tointroduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair ofbreeches. 

Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompanyhim in this voyage into unknown realms; as to the names of his crews theyhave not been handed down by history. 

Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air, among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, Oloffe had becomefamiliar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determinewhen a storm was brewing or a squall rising as a dutiful husband canforesee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering abouthis ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage, when the skiesappeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night'srest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills; precautionstaken by our forefathers, even in after times when they became moreadventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, orany other far country, beyond the great waters of the Tappen Zee. 

CHAPTER IV. 

And now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the east, and soon therising sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed hisblithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was thatdelicious season of the year when Nature, breaking from the chillingthraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of asordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, intothe arms of youthful Spring. Every tufted copse and blooming groveresounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as theysipped the dew that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in thejoyous epithalamium--the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, "thevoice of the turtle was heard in the land, " and the heart of man dissolvedaway in tenderness. Oh, sweet Theocritus! had I thine oaten reed, wherewith thou erst did charm the gay Sicilian plains; or, oh, gentleBion! thy pastoral pipe wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle somuch delighted, then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligentIdyllium, the rural beauties of the scene; but having nothing, save thisjaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must fain resign allpoetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose;comforting myself with the hope, that though it may not steal so sweetlyupon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself, with virginmodesty, to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb oftruth. 

No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows ofCommunipaw than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued fromhis castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew afar-resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then didthey trudge resolutely down to the water side, escorted by a multitude ofrelatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expressesit, "to see them off. " And this shows the antiquity of those long familyprocessions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, andsexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting some bevy of countrycousins about to depart for home in a market-boat. 

The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, andhoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike atub, which had formerly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now, all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon thebeach, who continued shouting after them, even when out of hearing, wishing them a happy voyage, advising them to take good care ofthemselves, not to get drowned--with an abundance of other of those sageand invaluable cautions generally given by landsmen to such as go down tothe sea in ships, and adventure upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile thevoyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay, and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia. 

And first they touched at two small islands which lie nearly oppositeCommunipaw, and which are said to have been brought into existence aboutthe time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through theHighlands and made its way to the ocean. [27] For, in this tremendousuproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of rock and landwere rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, forsixty or seventy miles; where some of them ran aground on the shoals justopposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, whileothers drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more. A sufficientproof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islandsis exactly similar to that of the Highlands; and moreover, one of ourphilosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of theirrespective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence, that Gibbet Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart onAnthony's nose. [28]

Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor'sIsland, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries. They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubtedmuch it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days didgreatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country. 

Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by, turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny elementin sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage Oloffe mark this than he wasgreatly rejoiced. "This, " exclaimed he, "if I mistake not, augurswell--the porpoise is a fat, well-conditioned fish--a burgomaster amongfishes--his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity. I greatly admirethis round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the successof our undertaking. " So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in thetrack of these alderman fishes. 

Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait, vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which coursesthrough this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore VanKortlandt had embarked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled ina Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen; insomuch that the good commodore, whohad all his life long been accustomed only to the drowsy navigation ofcanals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of somesupernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to somefair haven that was to fulfill all their wishes and expectations. 

Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterouspoint of land since called Corlear's Hook, [29] and leaving to the rightthe rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificentexpanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure wasexceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking aroundthem, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld ata distance a crew of painted savages busily employed in fishing, whoseemed more like the genii of this romantic region--their slender canoelightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay. 

At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a littletroubled. But as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore'sboat was stationed a valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, beinginterpreted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage). 

No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens, than he trembled withexcessive valor, and although a good half mile distant, he seized amusketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it mostintrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled, and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostratewith uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect ofthis tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck withconsternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into oneof the deep inlets of the Long Island shore. 

This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers, and in honor of theachievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay, and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present. The heart of the good Van Kortlandt--who, having no land of his own, was agreat admirer of other people's--expanded to the full size of a peppercornat the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, andfalling into a delicious reverie, he straightway began to riot in thepossession of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches ofcabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by thesudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from thisland of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer forshore; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights ofBellevue--that happy retreat where our jolly aldermen eat for the good ofthe city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities. 

Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ransparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils ofthe seas by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had providedfor this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their deliberatepowers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was further to bedone. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue byChristian burghers; and here, as tradition relates, did originate thegreat family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Tenbroecks, whichafterwards had a singular influence on the building of the city. Thesturdy Harden Broeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with thesalt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at thebottom of Kip's Bay, counseled by all means to return thither, and foundthe intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending TenBroeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars ofthis controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented; thismuch is certain, that the sage Oloffe put an end to the dispute, bydetermining to explore still farther in the route which the mysteriousporpoises had so clearly pointed out; whereupon the sturdy Tough Breechesabandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in afit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continuedto be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day. 

By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on theside of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens; andnow, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians againcommitted themselves to its discretion, and coasting along the westernshores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island. 

And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a littlemarvel and perplexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they becaught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, wouldwind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island ofManna-hata; now were they hurried narrowly by the very bases of impendingrocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves, which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath; and anon they were borneaway into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very muchdiscomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftlyreceding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra firma wasgiving them the slip. 

Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloomaround. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildnessof Nature, who here reveled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, nowbristled like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstartplants! minions of wealth and fashion!), were then adorned with thevigorous natives of the soil--the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, thegraceful elm--while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestichead, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats ofluxury--villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous fluteoft breathes the sighings of some city swain--there the fish-hawk builthis solitary nest, on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. Thetimid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lover'smoonlight walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savagesolitude extended over those happy regions, where now are reared thestately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders. 

Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown scenes, thegallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, whichstrutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them asthey brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modernmariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, likean elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view awild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteouslyintermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off eachother's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island, dressed in the fresh garniture of living green; beyond it stretched thepleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the nameof Hallet's Cove--a place infamous in latter days, by reason of its beingthe haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards andwater-melon patches, and insulting gentlemen navigators when voyaging intheir pleasure boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefullyreceded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vistathrough which were beheld the sylvan regions of Haerlem, Morrissania, andEast Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly weededcountry, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving linesof upland, swelling above each other; while over the whole the purplemists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness. 

Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend, wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure thatseemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertilityprevailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze oftwilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, heightened the charms which it half concealed. 

Ah! witching scenes of foul delusion! Ah! hapless voyagers, gazing withsimple wonder on these Circean shores! Such, alas! are they, poor easysouls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world; treacherous are itssmiles, fatal its caresses! He who yields to its enticements launches upona whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of awhirlpool! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, littlemistrusting the guileful sense before them, drifted quietly on, until theywere aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. Fornow the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves toboil and foam with horrible fury. Awakened as if from a dream, theastonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amidthe roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direfulconsternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity amongtumultuous breakers; at another, hurried down boisterous rapids. Now theywere nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks! morevoracious than Scylla and her whelps!); and anon they seemed sinking intoyawning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All theelements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged--thewinds howled--and as they were hurried along several of the astonishedmariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores drivingthrough the air!

At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt was drawn into thevortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirledabout in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crewwere overpowered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of therevolution. 

How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of thismodern Charybdis has never been truly made known, for so many survived totell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so manydifferent ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinionson the subject. 

As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses theyfound themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore, indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures inthis time of peril; how that he saw specters flying in the air, and heardthe yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they werewhirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld severaluncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles;but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the loselporpoises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on theGridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan!

These, however, were considered by many as mere phantasies of thecommodore, while he lay in a trance, especially as he was known to begiven to dreaming; and the truth of them has never been clearlyascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of Oloffe andhis followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of thismarvelous strait--as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride ofthe Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle--how he broils fish there beforea storm; and many other stories, in which we must be cautious of puttingtoo much faith. In consequence of all these terrific circumstances, thePavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat, or, as it hasbeen interpreted, Hell-gate;[30] which it continues to bear at the presentday. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [27] It is a matter long since established by certain of our philosophers, that is to say, having been often advanced and never contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a settled fact, that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the Highlands. In process of time, however, becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by reason of their extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and after a violent struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to pass in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art of running up hill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not pretend to be skilled, not withstanding that I do fully give it my belief. 

 [28] A promontory in the Highlands. 

 [29] Properly spelt Hoeck (i. E. A point of land). 

 [30] This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under the care of skillful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, shelves, and whirlpools. These have received sundry appellations, such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, etc. , and are very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth to give the devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name into Hell-gate, forsooth! Let those take care how they venture into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by our author, is supported by the map of Vander Donck's history, published in 1656--by Ogilvie's History of America, 1671--as also by a journal still extant, written in the sixteenth century, and to be found in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS, written in French, speaking of various alterations, in names about this city, observes, "De Hellegat, trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait Hell-gate, porte d'Enfer. "

CHAPTER V. 

The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a dolefulnight was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantlyassailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of thehobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morningdawned the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away, rapids, breakers and whirlpools had disappeared, the stream again ran smooth anddimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back towards thequarter where lay their much regretted home. 

The woebegone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with ruefulcountenances; their squadrons had been totally dispersed by the latedisaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by oneRuleff Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about thesix-mile-stone, which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing. 

The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where, having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled toconciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern; whence, it is said, did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants have eversince continued to be reputable publicans. As to the Suydams, they werethrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts. But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, fallingoverboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by the multitude of hisnether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, orlike an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he wasfound the next morning busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine. 

I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe with his remainingfollowers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a cityin so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, thatthey once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the brinyelement, and steered their course back again through the scenes of theiryesterday's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distantsites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia. 

Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when theywere encountered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homewardvoyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oaragainst the stream; until, as if to settle the strife, half a score ofpotent billows rolled the tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry onthe long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay. 

Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Neptune to strand theexpedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in thiswestern world; others, more pious, attribute everything to theguardianship of the good St. Nicholas; and after events will be found tocorroborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman. Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him; and his first thoughton finding him once more on dry ground was how he should contrive tocelebrate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by asolemn banquet. The stores which had been provided for the voyage by thegood housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted; but in casting hiseyes about the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. Agreat store of these was instantly collected; a fire was made at the footof a tree; all hands fell to roasting, and broiling, and stewing, andfrying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to bethe origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all ourpublic affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure toplay an important part. 

On the present occasion the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to beparticularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher; for having thecares of the expedition especially committed to his care he deemed itincumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In proportion ashe filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him didthe heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until heseemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good nature. And atsuch times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may moretruly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness andgood fellowship. Thus, having swallowed the last possible morsel, andwashed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning, and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence. Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful; and laying hishands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half-closedeyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, heexclaimed, in a fat, half-smothered voice, "What a charming prospect!" Thewords died away in his throat--he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for amoment--his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs--his head drooped uponhis bosom--he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stolegradually over him. 

And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream--and, lo! the good St. Nicholas cameriding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein hebrings his yearly presents to children. And he descended hard by where theheroes of Communipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe bythe fire, and sat himself down and smoked; and as he smoked the smoke fromhis pipe ascended into the air, and spread like a cloud overhead. AndOloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one ofthe tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent ofcountry--and as he considered it more attentively he fancied that thegreat volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvelous forms, where in dimobscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all ofwhich lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolledoff, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas hadsmoked his pipe he twisted it in his hatband, and laying his finger besidehis nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look, thenmounting his wagon, he returned over the treetops and disappeared. 

And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed, and he arousedhis companions, and related to them his dream, and interpreted it that itwas the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build thecity here; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast would bethe extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spreadover a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented tothis interpretation excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaningto be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a greatsmoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city--both whichinterpretations have strangely come to pass!

The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thushappily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, wherethey were received with great rejoicings. And here calling a generalmeeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they relatedthe whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe VanKortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St. Nicholas, and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in morehonor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced amost useful citizen, and a right good man--when he was asleep. 

CHAPTER VI. 

The original name of the island whereon the squadron of Communipaw wasthus propitiously thrown is a matter of some dispute, and has alreadyundergone considerable vitiation--a melancholy proof of the instability ofall sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame; forwho can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names ofmighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty!

The name most current at the present day, and which is likewisecountenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan, which issaid to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the earlysettlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes. "Hence, " as we are told by an old governor, who was somewhat of a wag, andflourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits ofPhiladelphia, "hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given tothe Indians, and afterwards to the island"--a stupid joke!--but wellenough for a governor. 

Among the more venerable sources of information on this subject is thatvaluable history of the American possessions, written by Master RichardBlome, in 1687, wherein it is called the Manhadaes and Manahanent; normust I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of thatauthentic historian, John Josselyn, gent. , who expressly calls itManadaes. 

Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance ofour ever to be lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in certain letters, still extant, [31] which passed between the early governors and theirneighboring powers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes, Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations ofthe same name; for our wise forefathers set little store by thoseniceties, either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study andambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. Thislast name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, whowas supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of itsuncommon delights. For the Indian traditions affirm that the bay was oncea translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst ofwhich lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits andflowers, but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste theseblissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters ofOntario. 

These, however, are very fabulous legends, to which very cautiouscredence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last quotedorthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another whichI peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, andsignificant--and which we have on the authority of Master Juet, who, inhis account of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata--thatis to say, the island of manna--or, in other words, a land flowing withmilk and honey. 

Still my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of theworthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunkenbout, held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they madecertain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in theirlives; who, being delighted with their jovial entertainment, gave theplace the name of Mannahattanink--that is to say, the Island of JollyTopers--a name which it continues to merit to the present day. [32]

FOOTNOTES:

 [31] Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap. 

 [32] MSS. Of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the New York Historical Society. 

CHAPTER VII. 

It having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be removedfrom the green shores of Pavonia to the pleasant island of Manna-hata, everybody was anxious to embark under the standard of Oloffe the Dreamer, and to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A day wasappointed for the grand migration, and on that day little Communipaw as ina buzz and a bustle like a hive in swarming time. Houses were turnedinside out, and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come fromHolland; all the community, great and small, black and white, man, woman, and child, was in commotion, forming lines from the houses to the waterside, like lines of ants from an ant-hill; everybody laden with somearticle of household furniture; while busy housewifes plied backwards andforwards along the lines, helping everything forward by the nimbleness oftheir tongues. 

By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with all kinds ofhousehold articles; ponderous tables; chests of drawers, resplendent withbrass ornaments, quaint corner cupboards; beds and bedsteads; with anyquantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boatembarked a whole family, from the robustious burgher down to the cats anddogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of theHudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standardon the leading boat. 

This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was longcited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piouslyobserved among the "sons of the pilgrims of Communipaw, " by turning theirhouses topsy-turvy, and carrying all the furniture through the streets, inemblem of the swarming of the parent hive; and this is the real origin ofthe universal agitation and "moving" by which this most restless of citiesis literally turned out of doors on every May-day. 

As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the shores ofManna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, appeared tooppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were forchastising this insolence with the powder and ball, according to theapproved mode of discoverers; but the sage Oloffe gave them thesignificant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose andwinking hard with one eye; whereupon his followers perceived that therewas something sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the Indians in theblandest terms, and made such tempting display of beads, hawks's bells, and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great landspeculation ensued. And here let me give the true story of the originalpurchase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has beensaid and written. Some affirm that the first cost was, but sixty guilders. The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition[33] that the Dutchdiscoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide of a bullock wouldcover; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child'sfinger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in theIndians into the bargain This, however, is an old fable which the worthyDominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that OloffeVan Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man could cover withhis nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his friendMynheer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches were to be used inmeasurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garmentshad never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech clout, stared withastonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgherpeeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over theland until they covered the actual site of this venerable city. 

This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the Island ofManhattan was bought for sixty guilders; and in corroboration of it I willadd that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorableoccasion, was elevated to the office of land measurer; which he everafterwards exercised in the colony. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [33] MSS. Of the Rev. John Heckwelder: New York Historical Society. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance veryunusual in the history of colonization, and strongly illustrative of thehonesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading house wereforthwith erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St. Nicholas had appeared in a vision to Oloffe the Dreamer; and which, as hasalready been observed, was the identical place at present known as theBowling Green. 

Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, with tiled roofsand weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls forprotection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings ofthe mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strongpalisadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. Outsideof these extended the corn-fields and cabbage-gardens of the community, with here and there an attempt at a tobacco plantation; all covering thosetracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street, and Pearl Street, I must not omit to mention, that in portioning out theland a goodly "bowerie" or farm was allotted to the sage Oloffe, inconsideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talentat dreaming; and the site of his "bowerie" is known by the name ofKortlandt (or Cortland) Street to the present day. 

And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature, it wasthought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto ithad gone by the original Indian name of Manna-hata, or, as some will haveit, "The Manhattoes;" but this was now decried as savage and heathenish, and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originallypossessed it. Many were the consultations held upon the subject withoutcoming to a conclusion, for though everybody condemned the old name, nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was almost indespair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head, proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition tookeverybody by surprise; it was so striking, so apposite, so ingenious. Thename was adopted by acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis wasthenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the provincecontinued to call it by the general appelation of "The Manhattoes, " andthe poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata; but those area kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for nothing in mattersof this kind. 

Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the next was to give itan armorial bearing or device, as some cities have a rampant lion, othersa soaring eagle; emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flyingqualities of the inhabitants: so after mature deliberation a sleek beaverwas emblazoned on the city standard as indicative of the amphibious originand patient persevering habits of the New Amsterdamers. 

The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soonmade it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should bebuilt; but at the very first consultation on the subject a violentdiscussion arose; and I mention it with much sorrowing as being the firstaltercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, abreaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had existed betweenthose two eminent burghers, Mynheers Ten Broeck and Harden Broeck, eversince their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great HardenBroeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful from his domains, whichembraced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched along thegulf of Kip's Bay, and from part of which his descendants have beenexpelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and theSchermerhornes. 

An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Harden Broeck, whoproposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after themanner of the most admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Ten Broeckwas diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof that they shouldrun out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of theriver, on which the town should be built. "By these means, " said he, triumphantly, "shall we rescue a considerable space of territory fromthese immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice, or any amphibious city in Europe. " To this proposition Harden Broeck (orTough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possiblyassume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, asbeing preposterous, and against the very order of things, as he wouldleave to every true Hollander. "For what, " said he, "is a town withoutcanals?--it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish forwant of a free circulation of the vital fluid. "--Ten Breeches, on thecontrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat ofan arid, dry-boded habit; he remarked, that as to the circulation of theblood being necessary to existence, Mynheer Tough Breeches was a livingcontradiction to his own assertion; for everybody knew there had not adrop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good tenyears, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony. Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument; norhave I ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of deformity. At least such was not the case at present. If Ten Breeches was very happyin sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave upthe last word, rejoined with increasing spirit; Ten Breeches had theadvantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had thatinvaluable coat of mail in argument called obstinacy; Ten Breeches had, therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom--so thatthough Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, andbattered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet ToughBreeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, asis usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, withoutcoming to any conclusion; but they hated each other most heartily for everafter, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet andMontague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and ToughBreeches. 

I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that myduty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular; and, intruth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like ayoung twig, first received the twists and turns which have sincecontributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot betoo minute in detailing their first causes. 

After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find thatanything further was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. Thecouncil, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, metregularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous subject; but, eitherthey were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they werenaturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequentexercise of the brains--certain it is, the most profound silence wasmaintained--the question, as usual, lay on the table--the members quietlysmoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, andin the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on--as it pleased God. 

As most of the council were but little skilled in the mystery ofcombining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not topuzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. Thesecretary, however, kept the minutes of the council with tolerableprecision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps; thejournal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch that"the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of thecolony. " By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulatetheir time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measuredistances in Holland at this very time; an admirably exact measurement, asa pipe in the mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable to thoseaccidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks outof order. 

In this manner did the profound council of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze, and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in whatmanner they should construct their infant settlement; meanwhile the towntook care of itself, and, like a sturdy brat which is suffered to runabout wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations bywhich your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure thechildren of men, increased so rapidly in strength and magnitude, thatbefore the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan it was too lateto put it in execution--whereupon they wisely abandoned the subjectaltogether. 

CHAPTER IX. 

There is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back, through thelong vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse of the fairy realmsof antiquity. Like a landscape melting into distance, they receive athousand charms from their very obscurity, and the fancy delights to fillup their outlines with graces and excellences of its own creation. Thusloom on my imagination those happier days of our city, when as yet NewAmsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores andwillows, and surrounded by trackless forests and wide-spreading waters, that seemed to shut out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world. 

In those days did this embryo city present the rare and noble spectacle ofa community governed without laws; and thus being left to its own course, and the fostering care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though ithad been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage laws usuallyheaped on the backs of young cities--in order to make them grow. And inthis particular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of humannature displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellowlegislators. For my part, I have not so bad an opinion of mankind as manyof my brother philosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry apiece of workmanship as they would make it out to be; and as far as I haveobserved, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to himself, would aboutas readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in hisears that it is his duty to go right which makes him go the very reverse. The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intolerable tyrannyof law, and the perpetual interference of officious morality, which areever besetting his path with finger-posts and directions to "keep to theright, as the law directs;" and like a spirited urchin, he turns directlycontrary, and gallops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches, merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading-strings. And these opinions are amply substantiated by what I have above said ofour worthy ancestors; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, andguided and governed by statutes and laws and by-laws, as are their moreenlightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves honestly andpeaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other words--because they knew nobetter. 

Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures of this infantsettlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that, like good Christians, they were always ready to serve God, after they hadfirst served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, andprovided for their own comfort, they bethought themselves of testifyingtheir gratitude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for his protectingcare in guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they built afair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to hisname; whereupon he immediately took the town of New Amsterdam under hispeculiar patronage, and he has even since been, and I devoutly hope willever be, the tutelar saint of this excellent city. 

At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, still religiouslyobserved in all our ancient families of the right breed, of hanging up astocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas Eve; which stocking is alwaysfound in the morning miraculously filled; for the good St. Nicholas hasever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to children. 

I am moreover told that there is a little legendary book somewhere extant, written in Low Dutch, which says that the image of this renowned saint, which whilom graced the bow-sprit of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated infront of this chapel, in the center of what in modern days is called theBowling Green--on the very spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision toOloffe the Dreamer. And the legend further treats of divers miracleswrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth; a whiff ofwhich was a sovereign cure for an indigestion--an invaluable relic in thiscolony of brave trenchermen. As however, in spite of the most diligentsearch, I cannot lay my hands upon this little book, I must confess thatI entertain considerable doubt on the subject. 

Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the infant city thrivedapace. Hordes of painted savages, it is true, still lurked about theunsettled parts of the island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skinsand bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady glens, whilehere and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indianwigwams whose smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and floated in thetransparent atmosphere. A mutual good-will, however, existed between thesewandering beings and the burghers of New Amsterdam. Our benevolentforefathers endeavored as much as possible to ameliorate their situation, by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in exchange for their peltries;for it seems the kind-hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friendshipfor their savage neighbors, on account of their being pleasant men totrade with, and little skilled in the art of making a bargain. 

Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would maketheir appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically paintedand decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with anair of listless indifference--sometimes in the marketplace, instructingthe little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow--at other times, inflamed with liquor, swaggering, and whooping, and yelling about the townlike so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good wives, who wouldhurry their children into the house, fasten the doors, and throw waterupon the enemy from the garret windows. It is worthy of mention here thatour forefathers were very particular in holding up these wild men asexcellent domestic examples--and for reasons that may be gathered from thehistory of Master Ogilby, who tells us that "for the least offence thebridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marriesanother, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife. " Whetherthis awful example had any influence or not history does not mention; butit is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity andobedience. 

True it is that the good understanding between our ancestors and theirsavage neighbors was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have heardmy grandmother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in thehistory of these parts, tell a long story of a winter's evening, about abattle between the New-Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known bythe name of the Peach War, and which took place near a peach orchard, in adark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murderer's Valley. 

The legend of this sylvan war was long current among the nurses, oldwives, and other ancient chroniclers of the place; but time andimprovement have almost obliterated both the tradition and the scene ofbattle; for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the center ofthis populous city, and known by the name of Dey Street. 

I know not whether it was to this "Peach War, " and the acquisitions ofIndian land which may have grown out of it, that we may ascribe the firstseeds of the spirit of "annexation" which now began to manifestthemselves. Hitherto the ambition of the worthy burghers had been confinedto the lovely island of Manna-hata; and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, andHell-gate on the Sound, were to them the pillars of Hercules, the _ne plusultra_ of human enterprise. Shortly after the Peach War however, arestless spirit was observed among the New Amsterdammers, who began tocast wistful looks upon the wild lands of their Indian neighbors; forsomehow or other wild Indian land always looks greener in the eyes ofsettlers than the land they occupy. It is hinted that Oloffe the Dreamerencouraged these notions; having, as has been shown, the inherent spiritof a land speculator, which had been wonderfully quickened and expandedsince he had become a landholder. Many of the common people, who had neverbefore owned a foot of land, now began to be discontented with the townlots which had fallen to their shares; others who had snug farms andtobacco plantations found they had not sufficient elbow-room, and began toquestion the rights of the Indians to the vast regions they pretended tohold--while the good Oloffe indulged in magnificent dreams of foreignconquest and great patroonships in the wilderness. 

The result of these dreams were certain exploring expeditions sent forthin various directions to "sow the seeds of empire, " as it was said. Theearliest of these were conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigatorfamous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see land when it wasquite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and who had a spy-glass coveredwith a bit of tarpaulin, with which he could spy up the crookedest river, quite to its head waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, asland measurer, in case of any dispute with the Indians. 

What was the consequence of these exploring expeditions? In a little whilewe find a frontier post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, establishedfar to the south on Delaware River; another called Fort Goed Hoop (or GoodHope), on the Varsche or Fresh, or Connecticut River; and another calledFort Aurania (now Albany) away up the Hudson River; while the boundariesof the province kept extending on every side, nobody knew whither, farinto the regions of Terra Incognita. 

Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambitious little provincebrought upon itself by these indefinite expansions of its territory weshall treat at large in the after pages of this eventful history;sufficient for the present is it to say, that the swelling importance ofthe Nieuw Nederlandts awakened the attention of the mother country, who, finding it likely to yield much revenue and no trouble, began to take thatinterest in its welfare which knowing people evince for rich relations. 

But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of New Amsterdam I will hereput an end to this second book of my history, and will treat of thematernal policy of the mother country in my next. 

_BOOK III. _

IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLER. 

CHAPTER I. 

Grievous and very much to be commiserated is the task of the feelinghistorian who writes the history of his native land. If it fell to his lotto be the recorder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered withhis tears--nor can he recall the most prosperous and blissful era withouta melancholy sigh at the reflection that it has passed away for ever! Iknow not whether it be owing to an immoderate love for the simplicity offormer times, or to that certain tenderness of heart incident to allsentimental historians, but I candidly confess that I cannot look back onthe happier days of our city, which I now describe, without greatdejection of spirits. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain ofoblivion that veils the modest merit of our venerable ancestors, and astheir figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before their mightyshades. 

Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion of theKnickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang theportraits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust like the forms theyrepresent. With pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of thoserenowned burghers who have preceded me in the steady march ofexistence--whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins, flowing slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shallsoon be stopped for ever!

These I say to myself are but frail memorials of the mighty men whoflourished in the days of the patriarchs: but who, alas! have long sincesmouldered in that tomb towards which my steps are insensibly andirresistibly hastening. As I pace the darkened chamber, and lose myself inmelancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal oncemore into existence, their countenances to assume the animation oflife--their eyes to pursue me in every movement! Carried away by thedelusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades ofthe departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity!Ah, hapless Diedrich! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to thebuffetings of fortune--a stranger and weary pilgrim in thy nativeland--blest with no weeping wife, nor family of helpless children; butdoomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed byforeign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors heldsovereign empire!

Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the dotingrecollections of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity onthe virtuous days of the patriarchs--on those sweet days of simplicity andease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna-hata. 

These melancholy reflections have been forced from me by the growingwealth and importance of New Amsterdam, which, I plainly perceive, are toinvolve it in all kinds of perils and disasters. Already, as I observed atthe close of my last book, they had awakened the attention of the mothercountry. The usual mark of protection shown by mother countries to wealthycolonies was forthwith manifested; a governor being sent out to rule overthe province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue as possible. Thearrival of a governor of course put an end to the protectorate of Oloffethe Dreamer. He appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose duringhis sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon on a great landedestate on the banks of the Hudson, having virtually forfeited all right tohis ancient appellation of Kortlandt, or Lackland. 

It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller wasappointed governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlands, under thecommission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States Generalof the United Netherlands and the privileged West India Company. 

This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amsterdam in the merry month ofJune, the sweetest month in all the year; when Dan Apollo seems to danceup the transparent firmament--when the robin, the thrush, and a thousandother wanton songsters make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, andthe luxurious little boblicon revels among the clover blossoms of themeadows--all which happy coincidence persuaded the old dames of NewAmsterdam who were skilled in the art of foretelling events, that this wasto be a happy and prosperous administration. 

The renowned Wouter, or Walter, Van Twiller was descended from a long lineof Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, andgrown fat upon the bench of magistracy in Rotterdam; and who had empoweredthemselves with such singular wisdom and propriety that they were nevereither heard or talked of--which, next to being universally applauded, should be the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. There aretwo opposite ways by which some men make a figure in the world; one bytalking faster than they think, and the other by holding their tongues andnot thinking at all. By the first many a smatterer acquires the reputationof a man of quick parts; by the other many a dunderpate, like the owl, thestupidest of birds, comes to be considered the very type of wisdom. This, by the way, is a casual remark, which I would not for the universe haveit thought I apply to Governor Van Twiller. It is true he was a man shutup within himself, like an oyster, and rarely spoke except inmonosyllables; but then it was allowed he seldom said a foolish thing. Soinvincible was his gravity that he was never known to laugh, or even tosmile, through the whole course of a long and prosperous life. Nay, if ajoke were uttered in his presence, that set light-minded hearers in aroar, it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. Sometimeshe would deign to inquire into the matter, and when, after muchexplanation, the joke was made as plain as a pike-staff, he would continueto smoke his pipe in silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, wouldexclaim, "Well! I see nothing in all that to laugh about. "

With all his reflective habits he never made up his mind on a subject. Hisadherents accounted for this by the astonishing magnitude of his ideas. Heconceived every subject on so grand a scale that he had not room in hishead to turn it over and examine both sides of it. Certain it is that ifany matter were propounded to him, on which ordinary mortals would rashlydetermine at first glance, he would put on a vague mysterious look, shakehis capacious head, smoke some time in profound silence, and at lengthobserve that "he had his doubts about the matter;" which gained him thereputation of a man slow of belief, and not easily imposed upon. What ismore, it gained him a lasting name, for to this habit of the mind has beenattributed his surname of Twiller, which is said to be a corruption of theoriginal Twijfler, or, in plain English, Doubter. 

The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed and proportioned, as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary, as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet sixinches in height and six feet five inches in circumference. His head wasa perfect sphere, and of such stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature, with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neckcapable of supporting it; wherefore, she wisely declined the attempt, andsettled it firmly on the top of his backbone; just between the shoulders. His body was oblong and particularly capacious at bottom, which was wiselyordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, andvery averse to the idle labor of walking. 

His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had tosustain; so that, when erect, he had not a little the appearance of a beerbarrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented avast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines and angles which disfigurethe human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyestwinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazyfirmament; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll ofeverything that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streakedwith dusky red, like a Spitzenberg apple. 

His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four statedmeals; appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eighthours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such wasthe renowned Wouter Van Twiller--a true philosopher, for his mind waseither elevated above, or tranquilly settled below, the cares andperplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, without feelingthe least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or it roundthe sun; and he had watched for at least half century the smoke curlingfrom his pipe to the ceiling, without once troubling his head with any ofthose numerous theories by which a philosopher would have perplexed hisbrain in accounting for its rising above the surrounding atmosphere. 

In his council he presided with great state and solemnity. He sat in ahuge chair of solid oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague, fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Amsterdam, and curiously carvedabout the arms and feet into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws. Instead of a scepter he swayed a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasminand amber, which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland, at theconclusion of a treaty, with one of the petty Barbary Powers. In thisstately chair would he sit, and this magnificent pipe would he smoke, shaking his right knee with a constant motion, and fixing his eye forhours together upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in a blackframe against the opposite wall of the council chamber. Nay, it has evenbeen said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary length andintricacy was on the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes forfull two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed by externalobjects--and at such times the internal commotion of his mind was evincedby certain regular guttural sounds, which his admirers declared weremerely the noise of conflict made by his contending doubts and opinions. 

It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled to collect thesebiographical anecdotes of the great man under consideration. The factsrespecting him were so scattered and vague, and divers of them soquestionable in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up thesearch after many, and decline the admission of still more, which wouldhave tended to heighten the coloring of his portrait. 

I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the person and habits ofWouter Van Twiller, from the consideration that he was not only the first, but also the best governor, that ever presided over this ancient andrespectable province; and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that Ido not find throughout the whole of it a single instance of any offenderbeing brought to punishment--a most indubitable sign of a mercifulgovernor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign of theillustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twillerwas a lineal descendant. 

The very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate wasdistinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave flattering presageof a wise and equitable administration. The morning after he had beeninstalled in office, and at the moment that he was making his breakfastfrom a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and Indian pudding, hewas interrupted by the appearance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very importantold burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one BarentBleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts, seeing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle. Governor Van Twiller, as I have already observed, was a man of few words;he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writings, or being disturbedat his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of WandleSchoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shoveled a spoonful ofIndian pudding into his mouth--either as a sign that he relished the dishor comprehended the story--he called unto his constable, and pulling outof his breeches proper a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after thedefendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco box as a warrant. 

This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the sealring of the great Haroun Alraschid among the true believers. The twoparties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts, written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a HighDutch commentator, or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sageWouter took them one after the other, and having poised them in his hands, and attentively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into avery great doubt, and smoked for half an hour without saying a word; atlength, laying his finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for amoment, with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by thetail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column oftobacco smoke, and with marvelous gravity and solemnity pronounced--thathaving carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it wasfound that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other--therefore, itwas the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equallybalanced--therefore, Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barentshould give Wandle a receipt--and the constable should pay the costs. 

This decision being straightway made known, diffused general joythroughout New Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that theyhad a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But itshappiest effect was, that not another lawsuit took place throughout thewhole of his administration--and the office of constable fell into suchdecay, that there was not one of those losel scouts known in the provincefor many years. I am the more particular in dwelling on this transaction, not only because I deem it one of the most sage and righteous judgments onrecord, and well worthy the attention of modern magistrates, but becauseit was a miraculous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, being theonly time he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course ofhis life. 

CHAPTER II. 

In treating of the early governors of the province I must caution myreaders against confounding them, in point of dignity and power, withthose worthy gentlemen who are whimsically denominated governors in thisenlightened republic--a set of unhappy victims of popularity, who are infact the most dependent, henpecked beings in the community, doomed tobear the secret goadings and corrections of their own party, and thesneers and revilings of the whole world beside--set up, like geese atChristmas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster andvagabond in the land. On the contrary, the Dutch governors enjoyed thatuncontrolled authority, vested in all commanders of distant colonies orterritories. They were in a manner absolute despots in their littledomains, lording it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, andaccountable to none but the mother-country; which, it is well known, isastonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided theydischarge the main duty of their station--squeezing out a good revenue. This hint will be of importance to prevent my readers from being seizedwith doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the course of this authentichistory, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor actingwith independence, and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude. 

To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of legislation, aboard of magistrates was appointed, which presided immediately over thepolice. This potent body consisted of a schout, or bailiff, with powersbetween those of the present mayor and sheriff--five burgermeesters, whowere equivalent to aldermen, and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs, sub-devils, or bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same manner asdo assistant aldermen to their principals at the present day; it beingtheir duty to fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt themarkets for delicacies for corporation dinners, and to discharge suchother little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was, moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that theyshould consider themselves as butts for the blunt wits of theburgermeesters, and should laugh most heartily at all their jokes; butthis last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is atpresent, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death ofa fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessfuleffort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes. 

In return for these humble services, they were permitted to say "yes" and"no" at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run ofthe public kitchen--being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, andsmoke, at all those snug junketing and public gormandisings, for which theancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. Thepost of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerlycoveted by all your burghers of a certain description, who have a hugerelish for good feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men in a smallway--who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them theterror of the almshouse and the bridewell--that shall enable them to lordit over obsequious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, andhunger-driven dishonesty--that shall give to their beck a hound-like packof catshpolls and bumbailiffs--tenfold greater rogues than the culpritsthey hunt down! My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which I confessis unbecoming of a grave historian; but I have a mortal antipathy tocatchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little great men. 

The ancient magistrates of this city corresponded with those of thepresent time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect, than inprerogative and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, weregenerally chosen by weight--and not only the weight of the body, butlikewise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically observed in allhonest, plain-thinking, regular cities, that an alderman should be fat;and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty. That the body is insome measure an image of the mind, or rather that the mind is moulded tothe body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has beeninsisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature theirpeculiar study; for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes, "there is a constant relation between the moral character of allintelligent creatures, and their physical constitution--between theirhabits and the structure of their bodies. " Thus we see that a lean, spare, diminutive body is generally accompanied by a petulant, restless, meddlingmind; either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion; orelse the body, not affording the mind sufficient house-room, keeps itcontinually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from theuneasiness of its situation. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldlyperiphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and atease; and we may alway observe, that your well-fed, robustious burghersare in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort; being greatenemies to noise, discord, and disturbance--and surely none are morelikely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful oftheir own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding togetherin turbulent mobs! No--no--it is your lean, hungry men who are continuallyworrying society, and setting the whole community by the ears. 

The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not sufficiently attended to byphilosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls--oneimmortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook andregulate the body; a second, consisting of the surly and irasciblepassions which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the heart; athird, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in itspropensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb thedivine soul by its ravenous howlings. Now, according to this excellenttheory, what can be more clear, than that your fat alderman is mostlikely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head islike a huge spherical chamber, containing a prodigious mass of softbrains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on afeather-bed; and the eyes which are the windows of the bedchamber, areusually half-closed, that its slumberings may not be disturbed by externalobjects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from disturbance, is manifestly most like to perform its functions with regularly and ease. By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which isconfined in the belly, and which, by its raging and roaring, puts theirritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intolerable passion, and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completelypacified, silenced, and put to rest; whereupon a host of honest, good-fellow qualities and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue, slily peeping out of the loopholes of the heart, finding this Cerberusasleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holidaysuits, and gambol up and down the diaphragm--disposing their possessor tolaughter, good humor, and a thousand friendly offices towards hisfellow-mortals. 

As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, think but verylittle, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favoriteopinions; and, as they generally transact business upon a hearty dinner, they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in theadministration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, andtherefore ordered in his cartularies, that no judge should hold a court ofjustice except in the morning on an empty stomach. A pitiful rule which Ican never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poorculprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of thepresent day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that thealderman are the best fed men in the community; feasting lustily on thefat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles, that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and theform, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as Ihave just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcetequanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that theirtransactions are proverbial for unvarying monotony; and the profound lawswhich they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion, are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced whenawake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fedmastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always athand to watch over its safety; but as to electing a lean, meddlingcandidate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as liefput a greyhound to watch the house, or a racehorse to draw an ox-wagon. 

The burgomasters then, as I have already mentioned, were wisely chosen byweight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were appointed to attendupon them, and help them eat; but the latter, in the course of time, whenthey had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsinessof brain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs, having fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into acomfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed milk, New Englandcheese. Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that took placebetween the renowned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it bethe sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit forhours smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking a word tointerrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Underthe sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors, theinfant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swampsand forests, and exhibiting that mingled appearance of town and countrycustomary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in thecity of Washington; that immense metropolis, which makes so glorious anappearance on paper. 

It was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the honest burgher, likea patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashedhouse, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow. Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the softsouthern breeze and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking ofhis hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of hisswine; that combination of farmyard melody, which may truly be said tohave a silver sound, inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance ofprofitable marketing. 

The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populouscity, can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presentedin the primitive days of the doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, theshouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling ofaccursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawling commerce, were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly inthe highways--the bleating sheep and frolicksome calves sported about theverdant ridge, where now the Broadway loungers take their morningstroll--the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where noware to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity ofmoney-brokers--and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields, where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martlingecho with the wranglings of the mob. 

In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and propertyprevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servilityand heart-burnings of repining poverty--and what in my mind is still moreconducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality ofintellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of NewAmsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be thosehonest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, are made by thegross, and considered as exceedingly good for common use. 

Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred forpublic employ, and especially promoted to city honors; your keenintellects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. Iknow that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, asthe great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings; whereas, formy part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect thatprevails, that embroils communities more than anything else; and I haveremarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybodyelse, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for NewAmsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls--the very wordsof learning, education, taste, and talents were unheard of--a brightgenius was an animal unknown, and a blue-stocking lady would have beenregarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man infact seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more thanan honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but hisown; the parson and the council clerk were the only men that could read inthe community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed his name with across. 

Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh! existing in all thesecurity of harmless insignificance--unnoticed and unenvied by the world, without ambition, without vain-glory, without riches, without learning, and all their train of carking cares; and as of yore, in the better daysof man, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his ruralhabitations, so we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amsterdam, thegood St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, ofa holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the treetops, or over the roofsof houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from hisbreeches pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of his favorites. Whereas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass he never shows us thelight of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year;when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of the patriarchs, confining his presents merely to the children, in token of the degeneracyof the parents. 

Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. Theprovince of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a sweettranquillity that wealth could never purchase. There were neither publiccommotions, nor private quarrels; neither parties, nor sects, nor schisms;neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments; nor were therecounsellors, attorneys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man attended to whatlittle business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if hepleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobodymeddled with concerns above his comprehension, nor thrust his nose intoother people's affairs, nor neglected to correct his own conduct andreform his own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters ofothers; but in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was nothungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when thesun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he were sleepy or not; allwhich tended so remarkably to the population of the settlement, that I amtold every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enrichingher husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace--thissuperabundance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury oflife, according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that "more than enoughconstitutes a feast. " Everything, therefore, went on exactly as it shoulddo, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfareof a country, "the profoundest tranquillity and repose reigned throughoutthe province. "

CHAPTER III. 

Manifold are the tastes and dispositions of the enlightened _literati_ whoturn over the pages of history. Some there be whose hearts are brimful ofthe yeast of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam withuntried valor, like a barrel of new cider, or a train-band captain freshfrom under the hands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can besatisfied with nothing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters; theymust be continually storming forts, sacking cities, springing mines, marching up to the muzzles of cannon, charging bayonet through every page, and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial, but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, are little given to themarvelous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on descriptions ofprodigies, unheard of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, andall those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary lineof possibility. A third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, are ofa lighter turn, and skim over the records of past times, as they do overthe edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and innocentamusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions, Sabine rapes, Tarquin outrages, conflagrations, murders, and all the other catalogues ofhideous crimes, which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency andflavor to the dull detail of history; while a fourth class, of morephilosophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time, to investigate the operations of the human kind, and watch the gradualchanges in men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, thevicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation. 

If the three first classes find but little wherewithal to solacethemselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them toexert their patience for a while, and bear with the tedious picture ofhappiness, prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful historianobliges me to draw; and I promise them that as soon as I can possiblyalight upon anything horrible, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go hardbut I will make it afford them entertainment. This being premised, I turnwith great complacency to the fourth class of my readers, who are men, or, if possible, women after my own heart; grave, philosophical, andinvestigating; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a start from firstcauses, and so haunting a nation down, through all the mazes of innovationand improvement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the firstdevelopment of the newly-hatched colony, and the primitive manners andcustoms prevalent among its inhabitants, during the halcyon reign of VanTwiller, or the Doubter. 

I will not grieve their patience, however, by describing minutely theincrease and improvement of New Amsterdam. Their own imaginations willdoubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many painstaking andpersevering beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors--they willbehold the prosperous transformation from the rude log hut to the statelyDutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof; from thetangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbage garden; and from the skulkingIndian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a word, they will picture tothemselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of prosperity, incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fatgovernment, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry. 

The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not beingable to determine upon any plan for the building of their city, the cows, in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, andas they went to and from pasture, established paths through the bushes, oneach side of which the good folks built their houses; which is one causeof the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths, which distinguishcertain streets of New York at this very day. 

The houses of the higher class were generally constructed of wood, excepting the gable end, which was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks, and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, like their descendants, were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the bestleg foremost. The house was always furnished with abundance of large doorsand small windows on every floor, the date of its erection was curiouslydesignated by iron figures on the front, and on the top of the roof wasperched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the importantsecret which way the wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the topsof our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every man could havea wind to his mind;--the most staunch and loyal citizens, however, alwayswent according to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house, which was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant employedevery morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter. 

In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion for cleanlinesswas the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test ofan able housewife--a character which formed the utmost ambition of ourunenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never opened except onmarriages, funerals, new year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, orsome such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker, curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and sometimes of alion's head, and was daily burnished with such religious zeal, that it wasoft-times worn out by the very precautions taken for its preservation. Thewhole house was constantly in a state of inundation, under the disciplineof mops and brooms and scrubbing brushes; and the good housewives of thosedays were a kind of amphibious animal, delighting exceedingly to bedabbling in water--insomuch that an historian of the day gravely tells us, that many of his townswomen grew to have webbed fingers like unto a duck;and some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into, would be found to have the tails of mermaids; but this I look upon to be amere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrepresentation. 

The grand parlor was the _sanctum sanctorum_, where the passion forcleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one waspermitted to enter excepting the mistress and her confidential maid, whovisited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thorough cleaning, and putting things to rights; always taking the precaution of leavingtheir shoes at the door, and entering devoutly on their stocking feet. After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which wascuriously stroked into angles, and curves, and rhomboids with a broom;after washing the windows, rubbing and polishing the furniture, andputting a bunch of evergreens in the fireplace--the window shutters wereagain closed to keep out the flies, and the room carefully locked up untilthe revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day. 

As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generallylived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous household assembled roundthe fire, one would have imagined that he was transported back to thosehappy days of primeval simplicity, which float before our imaginationslike golden visions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude, where the whole family, old and young, master and servant, black andwhite, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privilege, and had each a right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit inperfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking into the fire with half-shuteyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together; the goede vrouw, on theopposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn orknitting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth, listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro, who wasthe oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in the corner of achimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string ofincredible stories about New England witches, grisly ghosts, horseswithout heads, and hair-breadth escapes and bloody encounters among theIndians. 

In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn, dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably aprivate meal, and the fat old burghers showed incontestable signs ofdisapprobation and uneasiness at being surprised by a visit from aneighbor on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors were thussingularly averse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social bands ofintimacy by occasional banquettings, called tea-parties. 

These fashionable parties were generally confined to the higher classes, or noblesse: that is to say, such as kept their own cows and drove theirown waggons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and wentaway about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fashionable hourswere a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before dark. Thetea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices offat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. Thecompany being seated round the genial board, and each furnished with afork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in thismighty dish--in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea, or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was gracedwith immense apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears;but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweeteneddough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks--a deliciouskind of cake, at present scarce known in this city, except in genuineDutch families. 

The tea was served out of a majestic delf teapot, ornamented withpaintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses, tending pigs, with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundryother ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves bytheir adroitness in replenishing this pot from a huge copper tea-kettle, which would have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweatmerely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of sugar was laidbeside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and sipped with greatdecorum; until an improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic oldlady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table by astring from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth--aningenious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany, but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Bergen Flatbush, andall our uncontaminated Dutch villages. 

At these primitive tea parties the utmost propriety and dignity ofdeportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting--no gambling of oldladies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of young ones--noself-satisfied struttings of wealthy gentlemen with their brains in theirpockets--nor amusing conceits and monkey divertissements of smart younggentlemen with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seatedthemselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their ownwoollen stockings; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say "_yahMynheer_, " or "_yah ya Vrouw_, " to any question that was asked them;behaving, in all things, like decent, well-educated damsels. As to thegentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost incontemplation of the blue and white tiles with which the fireplaces weredecorated; wherein sundry passages of Scripture were piouslyportrayed--Tobit and his dog figured to great advantage, Haman swungconspicuously on his gibbet, and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing outof the whale like Harlequin through a barrel of fire. 

The parties broke up without noise and without confusion. They werecarried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehiclesnature had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford tokeep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to theirrespective abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door;which, as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfectsimplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, norshould it at the present. If our great-grandfathers approved of thecustom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants tosay a word against it. 

CHAPTER IV. 

In this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous island ofManna-hata presented a scene the very counterpart of those glowingpictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have beforeobserved, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among itsinhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but littleunderstood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even thefemale sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, andgrey-beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselveswith incredible sobriety and comeliness. 

Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulouslypomatomed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with alittle cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to their heads. Theirpetticoats of linsey-woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeousdyes--though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short, scarce reaching below the knee; but then they made up in the number, whichgenerally equalled that of the gentleman's small clothes; and what isstill more praiseworthy, they were all of their own manufacture--of whichcircumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain. 

These were the honest days, in which every woman stayed at home, read theBible, and wore pockets--ay, and that too of a goodly size, fashioned withpatchwork into many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on theoutside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all goodhousewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have athand, by which means they often came to be incredibly crammed; and Iremember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady ofWouter Van Twiller once had occasion to empty her right pocket in searchof a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, andthe utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner; but wemust not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of thoseremote periods being very subject to exaggeration. 

Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pincushionssuspended from their girdles by red ribands, or among the more opulent andshowy classes by brass, and even silver, chains, indubitable tokens ofthrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much invindication of the shortness of the petticoats; it doubtless wasintroduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen, which were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks; orperhaps to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat though serviceablefoot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and splendidsilver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown thesame disposition to infringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in orderto betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocent love of finery. 

From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothersdiffered considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from theirscantily-dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in thosetimes, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than wouldhave clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the lessadmired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof. On the contrary, thegreatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to themagnitude of its object; and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozenpetticoats, was declared by a low Dutch sonneteer of the province to beradiant as a sunflower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain itis that in those day the heart of a lover could not contain more than onelady at a time, whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often roomenough to accommodate half a dozen; the reason of which I conclude to be, that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the personsof the ladies smaller; this, however, is a question for physiologists todetermine. 

But there was a secret charm in these petticoats, which, no doubt, enteredinto the consideration of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of a lady wasin those days her only fortune; and she who had a good stock of petticoatsand stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kamschatka damsel witha store of bear-skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. Theladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractionsto the greatest advantage; and the best rooms in the house, instead ofbeing adorned with caricatures of Dame Nature, in water-colors andneedlework, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments, the manufacture and the property of the females; a piece of laudableostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages. 

The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world inthese ancient times, corresponded in most particulars with the beauteousdamsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, theirmerits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of amodern fair; they neither drove their curricles nor sported their tandems, for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; neither did theydistinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and theirconsequent rencontres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of toopacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soulthroughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither didthey establish their claims to gentility at the expense of their tailorsfor as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and thetranquillity of all aspiring young gentlemen were unknown in NewAmsterdam; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband andfamily, and even the goede vrouw of Van Twiller himself thought it nodisparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligaskins. 

Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested thefirst dawning of what is called fire and spirit, who held all labor incontempt, skulked about docks and market-places, loitered in the sunshine, squandered what little money they could procure at hustle cap and chuckfarthing; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbor's horses;in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of thetown, had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by anaffair of honor with a whipping post. 

Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days; hisdress, which served for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room, was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of themistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of largebrass buttons--half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of hisfigure--his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles--a lowcrowned, broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage, and his hairdangled down his back in a prodigious queue of sulskin. 

Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth with pipe in mouth to besiegesome fair damsel's obdurate heart--not such a pipe, good reader, as thatwhich Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true delfmanufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco. With thiswould he resolutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarelyfailed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrenderupon honorable terms. 

Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller, celebrated in many a longforgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being nothing butcounterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delightful period a sweet and holycalm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe inpeace; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toilswere done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apronof snowy white without being insulted by ribald street walkers or vagabondboys--those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying underthe roses of youth the thorns and briars of iniquity. Then it was that thelover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score, indulged in all the innocent endearments of virtuous love without fear andwithout reproach; for what had that virtue to fear which was defended by ashield of good linsey-woolsey, equal at least to the seven bull-hides ofthe invincible Ajax?

Ah! blissful and never to be forgotten age! when everything was betterthan it has ever been since, or ever will be again--when ButtermilkChannel was quite dry at low water--when the shad in the Hudson were allsalmon, and when the moon shone with a pure and resplendent whiteness, instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of hersickening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degeneratecity!

Happy would it have been for New Amsterdam could it always have existed inthis state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity; but, alas! the daysof childhood are too sweet to last. Cities, like men, grow out of them intime, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, andmiseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself when he beholds thechild of his bosom, or the city of his birth, increasing in magnitude andimportance, let the history of his own life teach him the dangers of theone, and this excellent little history of Manna-hata convince him of thecalamities of the other. 

CHAPTER V. 

It has already been mentioned that, in the early times of Oloffe theDreamer, a frontier post, or trading house, called Fort Aurania, had beenestablished on the upper waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site ofthe present venerable city of Albany, which was at time considered at thevery end of the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote possession, withwhich, for a long time, New Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Now andthen the "Company's Yacht, " as it was called, was sent to the Fort withsupplies, and to bring away the peltries which had been purchased of theIndians. It was like an expedition to the Indias, or the North Pole, andalways made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes an adventurous burgherwould accompany the expedition, to the great uneasiness of his friends;but, on his return, had so many stories to tell of storms and tempests onthe Tappan Zee, of hobgoblins in the Highlands and at the Devil's DaneKammer, and of all the other wonders and perils with which the riverabounded in those early days, that he deterred the less adventurousinhabitants from following his xample. 

Matters were in this state, when, one day, as Walter the Doubter and hisburgermeesters were smoking and pondering over the affairs of theprovince, they were roused by the report of a cannon. Sallying forth, theybeheld a strange vessel at anchor in the bay; it was unquestionably ofDutch build, broad-brimmed and high-pooped, and bore the flag of theirHigh Mightinesses at the masthead. 

After a while a boat put off for land, and a stranger stepped on shore, alofty, lordly kind of man, tall and dry, with a meager face, furnishedwith hug mustachios. He was clad in Flemish doublet and hose, and aninsufferably tall hat, with a cocktail feather. Such was the patroonKillian Van Rensellaer, who had come out from Holland to found a colony orpatroonship on a great tract of wild land, granted to him by their HightMightinesses the Lords States General, in the upper regions of the Hudson. 

Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine day's wonder in New Amsterdam, for hecarried a high head, looked down upon the portly, short-leggedburgomasters, and owned no allegiance to the governor himself; boastingthat he held his patroonship directly from the Lords States General. 

He tarried but a short time in New Amsterdam merely to beat up recruitsfor his colony. Few, however, ventured to enlist for those remote andsavage regions; and when they embarked, their friends took leave of themas if they should never see them more; and stood gazing with tearful eyesas the stout, round-sterned little vessel ploughed and splashed its way upthe Hudson, with great noise and little progress, taking nearly a day toget out of sight of the city. 

And now, from time to time, floated down tidings to the Manhattoes of thegrowing importance of this new colony. Every account represented KillianVan Rensellaer as rising in importance and becoming a mighty patroon inthe land. He had received more recruits from Holland. His patroonship ofRensellaerwick lay immediately below Fort Aurania, and extended forseveral miles on each side of the Hudson, beside embracing the mountainousregion of the Helderberg. Over all this he claimed to hold separatejurisdiction independent of the colonial authorities at New Amsterdam. 

All these assumptions of authority were duly reported to Governor VanTwiller and his council, by dispatches from Fort Aurania, at each newreport the governor and his counsellors looked at each other, raised theireyebrows, gave an extra puff or two of smoke, and then relapsed intotheir usually tranquillity. 

At length tidings came that the patroon of Rensellaerwick had extended hisusurpations along the river, beyond the limits granted him by their HighMightinesses, and that he had even seized upon a rocky island in theHudson, commonly known by the name of Beern or Bear's Island, where he waserecting a fortress, to be called by the lordly name of Rensellaersteen. 

Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this intelligence. After consulting withhis burgomasters, he dispatched a letter to the patroon of Rensellaerwick, demanding by what right he had seized upon this island, which lay beyondthe bounds of his patroonship. The answer of Killian Van Rensellaer was inhis own lordly style, "By _wapen recht!_" that is to say, by the right ofarms, or in common parlance, by club-law. This answer plunged the worthyWouter in one of the deepest doubts he had in the whole course of hisadministration. In the meantime, while Wouter doubted, the lordly Killianwent on to finish his fortress of Rensellaersteen, about which I foresee Ishall have something to record in a future chapter of this most eventfulhistory. 

CHAPTER VI. 

In the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and four, on a fineafternoon in the glowing month of September, I took my customary walk uponthe battery, which is at once the pride and bulwark of this ancient andimpregnable city of New York. The ground on which is I trod was hallowedby recollections of the past, and as I slowly wandered through the longalley of poplars, which, like so many birch-brooms standing on end, diffused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my imagination drew a contrastbetween the surrounding scenery, and what it was in the classic days ofour forefathers. Where the government house by name, but the customhouseby occupation, proudly reared its brick walls and wooden pillars, therewhilom stood the low, but substantial red-tiled mansion of the renownedWouter Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of Fort Amsterdamfrowned defiance to every absent foe; but, like many a whiskered warriorand gallant militia captain, confined their martial deeds to frowns alone. The mud breastworks had long been leveled with the earth, and their siteconverted into the green lawns and leafy alleys of the battery, where thegay apprentice sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic, relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the week, poured his weekly tale oflove into the half averted ear of the sentimental chambermaid. Thecapacious bay still presented the same expansive sheet of water, studdedwith islands, sprinkled with fishing boats, and bounded by shores ofpicturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once clothed those shoreshad been violated by the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangledmazes and impenetrable thickets had degenerated into teeming orchards, andwaving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smiling gardenappertaining to the sovereigns of the province, was now covered withfortifications, inclosing a tremendous block house; so that this oncepeaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat, breathing gunpowder and defiance to the world!

For some time did I indulge in a pensive train of thought, contrasting insober sadness the present day with the hallowed years behind themountains, lamenting the melancholy progress of improvement, and praisingthe zeal with which our worthy burghers endeavor to preserve the wrecks ofvenerable customs, prejudices, and errors, from the overwhelming tide ofmodern innovation; when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, and Iinsensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me. 

It was one of those rich autumnal days, which heaven particularly bestowsupon the beauteous island of Mannahata and its vicinity; not a floatingcloud obscured the azure firmament; the sun rolling in glorious splendorthrough his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest Dutch countenanceinto an unusual expression of benevolence, as he smiled his eveningsalutation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteousbeams; the very winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute attention, lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour; and the wavelessbosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which Nature beheldherself and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved like a choicehandkerchief for days of gala, hung motionless on the flag-staff whichforms the handle of a gigantic churn; and even the tremulous leaves of thepoplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everythingseemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of Nature. The formidableeighteen-pounders slept in the embrasures of the wooden batteries, seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their countryon the next fourth of July; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgotto call the garrison to the shovels; the evening gun had not yet soundedits signal for all the regular well-meaning poultry throughout the countryto go to roost; and the fleet of canoes at anchor between Gibbet Islandand Communipaw slumbered on their rakes, and suffered the innocent oystersto lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks. Myown feelings sympathized with the contagious tranquillity, and I shouldinfallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches which ourbenevolent magistrates have provided for the benefit of convalescentloungers had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set allrepose at defiance. 

In the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to ablack speck, peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of Bergensteeple; gradually it augments and overhangs the would-be cities ofJersey, Harsimus, and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are starting onthe course of existence, and jostling each other at the commencement ofthe race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading itswide shadows from the high settlements of Weehawk quite to the lazarettoand quarantine, erected by the sagacity of our police for theembarrassment of commerce; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloudrolling over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening the vast expanse, and bearing thunder, and hail, and tempest, in its bosom. The earth seemsagitated at the confusion of the heavens--the late waveless mirror islashed into furious waves, that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore--theoyster boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of Gibbet Island, now hurry affrighted to the land--the poplar writhes and twists, andwhistles in the blast--torrents of drenching rain and sounding hail delugethe battery walks--the gates are thronged by apprentices, servant-maids, and little Frenchmen, with pocket-handkerchiefs over their hats, scampering from the storm--the late beauteous prospect presents one sceneof anarchy and wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, andwas hurling back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of Nature. 

Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or remained bodly at my post, as our gallant train-band captains, who march their soldiers through therain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of thereader. It is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know thereason why I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity ofmy work. On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his ignorance. The panorama view of the battery was given to gratify the reader with acorrect description of that celebrated place, and the parts adjacent;secondly, the storm was played off partly to give a little bustle and lifeto this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers fromfalling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuoustimes which are about to assail the pacific province of Nieuw Nederlandts, and which overhang the slumbrous administration of the renowned Wouter VanTwiller. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, theFrench-horns, the kettle drums, and trumpets of his orchestra, inrequisition, to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproarscalled melodrames; and it is thus he discharges his thunder, hislightning, his rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost, or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history. 

Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to the contrary, I am of opinionthat, as to nations, the old maxim, that "honesty is the best policy, " isa sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough in thehonest times when it was made; but, in these degenerate days, if a nationpretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will faresomething like the honest man who fell among thieves, and found hishonesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was thecase with the guileless government of the New Netherlands; which, like aworthy, unsuspicious old burgher, quietly settled itself down in the cityof New Amsterdam as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell into a comfortablenap, while, in the meantime, its cunning neighbors stepped in and pickedhis pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes ofthis great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquilsecurity, or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty of itsgovernment. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my historytowards the end of a chapter; and as my readers, like myself, mustdoubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken, andthe tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke apipe, and having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a newchapter. 

CHAPTER VII. 

That my readers may the more fully comprehend the extent of the calamityat this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province ofNieuw Nederlandts and its dubious governor, it is necessary that I shouldgive some account of a horde of strange barbarians bordering upon theeastern frontier. 

Now so it came to pass that, many years previous to the time of which weare treating, the sage Cabinet of England had adopted a certain nationalcreed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, inwhich every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, taking care topay the toll-gatherers by the way. 

Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulgetheir own opinions on all manner of subjects (a propensity exceedinglyoffensive to your free governments of Europe), did most presumptuouslydare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what theyconsidered a natural and unextinguishable right-the liberty of conscience. 

As, however, they possessed that ingenuous habit of mind which alwaysthinks aloud--which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is for evergalloping into other people's ears--it naturally followed that theirliberty of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which beingfreely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the piousindignation of the vigilant fathers of the Church. 

The usual methods were adopted, to reclaim them, which in those days wereconsidered efficacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; that isto say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, theywere buffeted--line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, herea little and there a great deal, were exhausted without mercy and withoutsuccess; until worthy pastors of the Church, wearied out by theirunparalleled stubbornness, were driven in the excess of their tender mercyto adopt the Scripture text, and literally to "heap live embers on theirheads. "

Nothing, however, could subdue that independence of the tongue which hasever distinguished this singular race, so that, rather than subject thatheroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for thewilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right oftalking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of thisfree-spoken country, than they all lifted up their voices, and made such aclamor of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird and beastout of the neighborhood, and struck such mute terror into certain fish, that they have been called dumb-fish ever since. 

This may appear marvelous, but it is nevertheless true; in proof of whichI would observe, that the dumb-fish has ever since become an object ofsuperstitious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every trueYankee. 

The simple aborigines of the land for a while contemplated these strangefolk in utter astonishment, but discovering that they wielded harmless, though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humored race ofmen, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name ofYanokies, which in the Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language signifiessilent men--a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiarepithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day. 

True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not allow me to pass overthe fact, that having served a regular apprenticeship in the school ofpersecution, these ingenious people soon showed that they had becomemasters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode ofthinking in matters of religion; but, to their great surprise andindignation, they found that divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists werespringing up among them, and all claiming to use the liberty of speech. This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience, which they now insisted was nothing more than the liberty to think as onepleased in matters of religion, provided one thought right; for otherwiseit would be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as they, themajority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it consequentlyfollowed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong: andwhoever thought wrong, and obstinately persisted in not being convincedand converted, was a flagrant violator of the inestimable liberty ofconscience, and a corrupt and infestious member of the body politic, anddeserved to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The consequence of allwhich was a fiery persecution of divers sects, and especially of Quakers. 

Now I'll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift uptheir hands and eyes, with that virtuous indignation with which wecontemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at thepreposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body, andestablishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intolerantpersecution. But, in simple truth, what are we doing at this very day, andin this very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same principlein our political controversies? Have we not, within but a few years, released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly deniedus the privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full latitude thatinvaluable member, the tongue? and are we not at this very moment strivingour best to tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin thefortunes of one another? What are our great political societies but merepolitical inquisitions--our pot-house committees but little tribunals ofdenunciation--our newspapers but mere whipping-posts and pillories, whereunfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs--and our council ofappointment but a grand auto-da-fe, where culprits are annually sacrificedfor their political heresies?

Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and thoseyou are so ready to condemn among the people I am treating of? There isnone; the difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we denounce, insteadof banishing--we libel, instead of scourging--we turn out of office, instead of hanging--and where they burnt an offender in proper person, weeither tar and feather, or burn him in effigy--this political persecutionbeing, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and anincontrovertible proof that this is a free country!

But not withstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war wasprosecuted against the whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that thepopulation of this new colony was in anywise hindered thereby; on thecontrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any manunacquainted with the marvelous fecundity of this growing country. 

This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed to a singular customprevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bundling--asuperstitious rite observed by the young people of both sexes, with whichthey usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up withreligious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. Thisceremony was likewise, in those primitive times, considered as anindispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing whereours usually finish; by which means they acquired that intimateacquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which hasbeen pronounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thusearly did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of makinga bargain which has ever since distinguished them, and a strict adherenceto the good old vulgar maxim about "buying a pig in a poke. "

To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute theunparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race: for it is a certainfact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, thatwherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing numberof sturdy brats annually born unto the state, without the license of thelaw or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birthoperate in the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, they grew upa long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whalers, wood-cutters, fishermen, and pedlars, and strapping corn-fed wenches, who, by their united efforts, tended marvelously toward peopling those notable tracts of country calledNantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

In the last chapter I have given a faithful and unprejudiced account ofthe origin of that singular race of people inhabiting the country eastwardof the Nieuw Nederlandts, but I have yet to mention certain peculiarhabits which rendered them exceedingly annoying to our ever-honored Dutchancestors. 

The most prominent of these was a certain rambling propensity with which, like the sons of Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by Heaven, andwhich continually goads them on to shift their residence from place toplace, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration, tarrying occasionally here and there, clearing lands for other people toenjoy, building houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner may beconsidered the wandering Arab of America. 

His first thought, on coming to the years of manhood, is to settle himselfin the world--which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles. To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress, passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock-tortoiseshell combs, with a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in themystery of making apple sweetmeats, long sauce, and pumpkin pie. 

Having thus provided himself, like a pedlar, with a heavy knapsack, wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, heliterally sets out on the peregrination. His whole family, householdfurniture, and farming utensils are hoisted into a covered cart; his ownand his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin; which done, he shouldershis axe, takes his staff in hand, whistles "Yankee doodle, " and trudgesoff to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence, andrelying as cheerfully upon his own resources, as did ever a patriarch ofyore, when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Havingburied himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears awaya corn-field and potato patch, and, Providence smiling upon his labors, issoon surrounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headedurchins, who, by their size, seem to have sprung all at once out of theearth like a crop of toadstools. 

But it is not the nature of this most indefatigable of speculators to restcontented with any state of sublunary enjoyment; improvement is hisdarling passion, and having thus improved his lands, the next care is toprovide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace ofpine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness, largeenough for a parish church, and furnished with windows of all dimensions, but so rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit of theague. 

By the time the outside of this mighty air castle is completed, either thefunds or the zeal of our adventurer are exhausted, so that he barelymanages to half finish one room within, where the whole family burrowtogether, while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing ofpumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated withfanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The outside, remainingunpainted, grows venerably black with time; the family wardrobe is laidunder contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches, to stuff intothe broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling andhowling about this aerial palace, and play as many unruly gambols as theydid of yore in the cave of old Æolius. 

The humble log hut which whilom nestled this improving family snuglywithin its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by, in ignominiouscontrast, degraded into a cow-house or pig-sty; and the whole scenereminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never beenrecorded, of an aspiring snail who abandoned his humble habitation, whichhe had long filled with great respectability, to crawl into the emptyshell of a lobster, where he would no doubt have resided with great styleand splendor, the envy and the hate of all the painstaking snails in theneighborhood, had he not perished with cold in one corner of hisstupendous mansion. 

Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, "to rights, " onewould imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation, to read newspapers, talk politics, neglect his own business, and attendto the affairs of the nation like a useful and patriotic citizen; but nowit is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate. He soon growstired of a spot where there is no longer any room for improvement--sellshis farm, air castle, petticoat windows and all, reloads his cart, shoulders his axe, puts himself at the head of his family, and wandersaway in search of new lands--again to fell trees--again to clearcorn-fields--again to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off andwander. 

Such were the people of Connecticut, who bordered upon the easternfrontier of Nieuw Nederlandts, and my readers may easily imagine whatuncomfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must havebeen to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if theyhave ever known one of our regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom ithath pleased Heaven to afflict with the neighborhood of a Frenchboarding-house? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe onthe bench before his door but he is persecuted with the scraping offiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children; he cannotsleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who chooses toserenade the moon, and display his terrible proficiency in execution onthe clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument; nor can heleave the street door open, but his house is defiled by the unsavoryvisits of a troop of pug dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsomeravages into the _sanctum sanctorum_, the parlor. 

If my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family, sosituated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressedby their mercurial neighbors of Connecticut. 

Gangs of these marauders, we are told, penetrated into the New-Netherlandsettlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by theirunparalleled volubility, and their intolerable inquisitiveness--two evilhabits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred; forour ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, andwho neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own. Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffendingburghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses, which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does themodern right of search on the high seas. 

Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their intermeddling andsuccesses among the divine sex, for being a race of brisk, likely, pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of thesimple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideouscustoms, they attempted to introduce among them that bundling, which theDutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty andforeign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined tofollow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, andbetter acquainted with men and things, strenuously discountenanced allsuch outlandish innovations. 

But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folkwas an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering inhordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settlingthemselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in themanner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possessionof new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived theappellation of squatters, a name odious in the ears of all greatlandholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seizeupon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to itafterward. 

All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating, tended to form that dark and portentious cloud which, as I observed in aformer chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of NewNetherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will beperceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds totheir immortal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to thisincreasing mass of wrongs, like that mighty man of old, who by dint ofcarrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued to carry itwithout difficulty when he had grown to be an ox. 

CHAPTER IX. 

By this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I haveundertaken--exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which hadlain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totallyforgotten; raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, andendeavoring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them totheir original form and connection; now lugging forth the character of analmost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue: now deciphering ahalf-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript, which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal. 

In such cases how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probityof his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon himsome spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic from antiquity, or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings, thatit is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction withwhich it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once hadto lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of myfellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the factsrespecting this country, and particularly respecting the great province ofNew Netherlands, as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble tocompare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds offable, with this authentic history. 

I have had more vexations of the kind to encounter, in those parts of myhistory which treat of the transactions on the eastern border than in anyother, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested thosequarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlands no mercy intheir works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declaresthat "the Dutch were always mere intruders. " Now, to this I shall make noother reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, whichwill contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possessionin the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfullydispossessed thereof, but, likewise, that they have been scandalouslymaltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty historiansof New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth andimpartiality, and a regard to immortal fame; for I would not wittinglydishonor my work by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice, though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England. 

I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my history that theterritories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east quite to theVarsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, hadbeen established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called FortGoed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. Itwas placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as somehistorians will have it, a doughty soldier, of that stomachful classfamous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in thelimb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's legs. He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an extent, that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack theGiant Killer; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers weresometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot. 

But not withstanding the erection of this fort, and the appointment ofthis ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued theinterlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacityto squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop. 

The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against theseunwarrantable encroachments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way ofinspiring more terror, and forthwith dispatched a copy of the protest tothe governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account ofthe aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, wentto bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity, that greatly animated his adherents, and, no doubt, struck sore dismay andaffright into the hearts of the enemy. 

Now it came to pass that, about this time, the renowned Wouter VanTwiller, full of years and honors, and council dinners, had reached theperiod of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver, entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. Heemployed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe amid an assemblage of sagesequally enlightened, and nearly as venerable, as himself, and who, fortheir silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious aversenessto coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled bycertain profound corporations which I have known in my time. Upon readingthe protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, His Excellencyfell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known toencounter; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest; he closedhis eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with greatattention to the discussion that was going on in his belly, and which allwho knew him declared to be the huge courthouse or council chamber of histhoughts, forming to his head what the House of Representatives does tothe Senate. An inarticulate sound, very much resembling a snore, occasionally escaped him; but the nature of this internal cogitation wasnever known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman orchild. In the meantime, the protect of Van Curlet lay quietly on thetable, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembledin council; and, in the great smoke which they raised, the gallantJacobus, his protest, and his mighty fort Goed Hoop, were soon ascompletely beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergencyswallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session ofCongress. 

There are certain emergencies when your profound legislators and sagedeliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when anounce of hair-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautiousdiscussion. Such, at least, was the case at present; for while therenowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and hisresolution growing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushedfarther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidableappearance in the neighborhood of the Fort Goed Hoop. Here they foundedthe mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called, Weathersfield--a place which, if we may credit the assertions of thatworthy historian, John Josselyn, gent. , "hath been infamous by reason ofthe witches therein. " And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, thatthey extended those plantations of onions, for which their town isillustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop, insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarterwithout tears in their eyes. 

This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallantJacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the violence of thischoler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulentin their workings from the length of the body in which they were agitated. He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten hisbreastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double rowof abattis; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of hisperilous situation. 

The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily little man, asbeing less liable to be worn out or to lose leather on the journey; and, to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest wagon horse in thegarrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardnessof trot; and so tall, that the little messenger was obliged to climb onhis back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did hemake, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month, though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred andtwenty miles. 

With an appearance of great hurry and business, and smoking a shorttraveling pipe, he proceeded on a long swing trot through the muddy lanesof the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt pies which the littleDutch children were making in the road, and for which kind of pastry thechildren of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor'shouse, he climbed down from his steed, roused the gray-headed doorkeeper, old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative, the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rattled at thedoor of the council chamber, and startled the members as they were dozingover a plan for establishing a public market. 

At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, washeard from the chair of the governor, a whiff of smoke was at the sameinstant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend fromthe bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deepsleep for the good of the community, and according to custom, in all suchcases established, every man bawled out "Silence!" when, of a sudden, thedoor flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, casedto the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for thesake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominousdispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of hisgalligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion ofdescending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and, with more hurry than perspicuity, delivered his message. But, fortunately, his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this mosttranquil of rulers. His venerable Excellency had just breathed and smokedhis last; his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and hispeaceful soul having escaped in the last whiff that curled from histobacco pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so oftenslumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, andWilhelmus Kieft governed in his stead. 

_BOOK IV. _

CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY. 

CHAPTER I. 

When the lofty Thucydides is about to enter upon his description of theplague that desolated Athens, one of his modern commentators assures thereader that the history is now going to be exceedingly solemn, serious andpathetic; and hints, with that air of chuckling gratulation with which agood dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale afavorite, that this plague will give his history a most agreeable variety. 

In like manner did my heart leap within me when I came to the dolorousdilemma of Fort Good Hope, which I at once perceived to be the forerunnerof a series of great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the truesubjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind ofNewgate Calendar--a register of the crimes and miseries that man hasinflicted on his fellow-men? It is a huge libel on human nature to whichwe industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we werebuilding up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy, of ourspecies. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man haswritten of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellationof great, and held up to the admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers, conquerors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds and thestupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind--warriors, who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not from motives ofvirtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenseless, but merelyto gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacringtheir fellow-beings! What are the great events that constitute a gloriousera? The fall of empires, the desolation of happy countries, splendidcities smoking in their ruins, the proudest works of art tumbled in thedust, the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven!

It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the miseries ofmankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fattenon the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland locknavigation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans were only formed to feedcanals. In like manner I am tempted to believe that plots, conspiracies, wars, victories, and massacres are ordained by Providence only as food forthe historian. 

It is a source of great delight to the philosophers, in studying thewonderful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies ofthings--how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the mostnoxious and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarmsof flies which are so often execrated as useless vermin are created forthe sustenance of spiders; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidentlymade to devour flies. So those heroes who have been such scourges to theworld were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and historian, while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievementsof heroes!

These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took upmy pen to commence the reign of William Kieft; for now the stream of ourhistory, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about todepart, for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many aturbulent and rugged scene. 

As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover field, dozing andchewing the cud, will bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so theprovince of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign ofthe Doubter, needed cuffs and kicks to rouse it into action. The readerwill now witness the manner in which a peaceful community advances towardsa state of war; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum, with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong endforemost. 

Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, to borrow afavorite though clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists, was of alofty descent, his father being inspector of windmills in the ancient townof Saardam; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curiousinvestigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which wasone reason why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name, according to the most authentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver;that is to say, a wrangler or scolder; and expressed the characteristic ofhis family, which for nearly two centuries had kept the windy town ofSaardam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than anyten families in the place; and so truly did he inherit this familypeculiarity that he had not been a year in the government of the provincebefore he was universally denominated William the Testy. His appearanceanswered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman, such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in abroad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back ofhis head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but hisfeatures were sharp; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red, by twofiery little gray eyes, his nose turned up, and the corners of his mouthturned down pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog. 

I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human physiology that ifa woman waxes fat with the progress of years her tenure of life issomewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old, she livesfor ever. Such promised to be the case with William the Testy, who grewtough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through theprocess of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burntlike a vehement rushlight in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broilsand bickerings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of thegallant inroads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had madecaptive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich bootyin ancient saws and apophthegms, which he was wont to parade in his publicharangues, as a triumphant general of yore his _spolia opima_. Ofmetaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into thebargain. In logic, he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas, and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evidentfact to pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got intoan argument without getting into a perplexity, and then into a passionwith his adversary for not being convinced gratis. 

He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of thesciences, was fond of experimental philosophy, and prided himself uponinventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a bowery, orcountry seat, at a short distance from the city, just at what is nowcalled Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity; patentsmoke jacks that required a horse to work them; Dutch ovens that roastedmeat without fire; carts that went before the horses; weathercocks thatturned against the wind; and other wrong-headed contrivances thatastonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset withparalytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy; andthe yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy victims of science, whileaiding in the pursuit of knowledge, soon gained for the place the name of"Dog's Misery, " by which it continues to be known even at the present day. 

It is in knowledge as in swimming, he who flounders and splashes on thesurface makes more noise and attracts more attention than the pearl diverwho quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vastacquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simpleburghers of New Amsterdam; he figured about the place as learned a man asa Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one-half of the Chinese alphabet; andwas unanimously pronounced a "universal genius!"

I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp; but, to speak my mindfreely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worthhis weight in straw. In this respect a little sound judgment and plaincommon sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry orinvented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of Williamthe Testy aided him in the affairs of government. 

CHAPTER II. 

No sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown by a whiff offortune into the seat of government than he called his council together tomake them a speech on the state of affairs. 

Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace, modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft, not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musicalorgan or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face; inother words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose; apreliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators. 

He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthinessof the high post to which he had been appointed, which made some of thesimple burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that it is a pointof etiquette with a public orator never to enter upon office withoutdeclaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded, in amanner highly classic and erudite, to speak of government generally, andof the governments of ancient Greece in particular; together with the warsof Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry outlandish empireswhich the worthy burghers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, afterthe manner of your learned orators, treated of things in general, he cameby a natural roundabout transition to the matter in hand, namely, thedaring aggressions of the Yankees. 

As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate has of handlinghis enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has thetalk all on his own side, they may rest assured that William the Testy didnot let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yankees what is called "ataste of his quality. " In speaking of their inroads into the territoriesof their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the Gauls, who desolatedRome; the Goths and Vandals, who overran the fairest plains of Europe; butwhen he came to speak of the unparalleled audacity with which they atWeathersfield had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort GoedHoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of ragestarted into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question. 

Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most belligerentlook, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument potent inits effects, and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from theland. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of hisbroad-skirted coat and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but aninstrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table. 

The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewifedoes at a gun, fearful it may go off half-cocked. The document in questionhad a sinister look, it is true; it was crabbed in text, and from a broadred ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of abuckwheat pancake. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention. The document in question was a proclamation, ordering the Yankees todepart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, underpain of suffering all the forfeitures and punishments in such case madeand provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrumentthat Wilhelmus Kieft calculated; pledging his valor as a governor that, once fulminated against the Yankees, it would in less than two monthsdrive every mother's son of them across the borders. 

The council broke up in perfect wonder, and nothing was talked of for sometime among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius ofthe governor and his new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation. 

As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to thefrontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small clothes, and, mounting a tall, raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat ofDog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils ofstate, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Egeria, but fromthe honored wife of his bosom, who was one of that class of females, sentupon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins ofmankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which wasa great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandalat more than half the tea tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like manyother great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years; and this was, that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men thatever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neitherlaid down in Aristotle or Plato; in short, it partook of the nature of apure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat government. An absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days, was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made aboutthe domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case onrecord. 

The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of hisparticular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore pointsof the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, towhich he submitted through choice; adding, at the same time, a profoundmaxim which he had found in an ancient author, that "he who would aspireto govern should first learn to obey. "

CHAPTER III. 

Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is stillbetter, a more economical measure devised than this of defeating theYankees by proclamation--an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane, there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding; but then, therewas one chance to ten that it would not succeed. As the ill-natured Fateswould have it, that single chance carried the day! The proclamation wasperfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, andwell published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that theYankees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treatedit with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose, and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end--a fatewhich I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors. 

So far from abandoning the country, those varlets continued theirencroachments, squatting along the green banks of the Varsche river, andfounding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border towns. I havealready shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eyesore to JacobusVan Curlet and his garrison, but now these moss troopers increased intheir atrocities, kidnaping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimesgrievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers couldscarcely stir abroad without danger of being outjockeyed in horseflesh, ortaken in in bargaining; while, in their absence, some daring Yankee pedlarwould penetrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewiveswith tinware and wooden bowls. [34]

I am well aware of the perils which environ me in this part of myhistory. While raking, with curious hand but pious heart, among themouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey ofwisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, inmeddling with the carcase of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about hisears. Thus, while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankeerace, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities ofcertain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly out and raise sucha buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the toughhide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from theirstings. 

Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament--not mymisfortune in giving offence--but the wrong-headed perverseness of anill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That theirancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. Iwould, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise; but as I am recordingthe sacred events of history, I'd not bate one nail's breadth of thehonest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would bebought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecticut. And in sooth, now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to gofarther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which weimpartial historians are sent into the world--to redress wrongs, andrender justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerfulnation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner orlater an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it inreturn. 

Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll warrant it, while they were harassing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Nederlandts, and driving its unhappy governor to his wits' end, that an historian wouldever arise, and give them their own with interest. Since, then, I am butperforming my bounden duty as a historian in avenging the wrongs of ourreverend ancestors, I shall make no further apology; and, indeed, when itis considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in mypower, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted Iconduct myself with great humanity and moderation. 

It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded that hismuch-vaunted war measure was ineffectual; on the contrary, he flew in apassion whenever it was doubted, swearing that though slow in operating, yet when it once began to work it would soon purge the land of thoseinvaders. When convinced at length of the truth, like a shrewd physician, he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality of themedicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, asecond proclamation more vehement than the first, forbidding allintercourse with these Yankee intruders; ordering the Dutch burghers onthe frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, applesweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish themwith no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sourkrout. 

Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation was as littleregarded as the first, and the non-intercourse was especially set atnought by the young folks of both sexes. 

At length one day inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furiousbarking of dogs, great and small, and beheld to their surprise the wholegarrison of Fort Good Hope straggling into town all tattered and way-worn, with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholyintelligence of the capture of Fort Good Hope by the Yankees. 

The fate of this important fortress is an impressive warning to allmilitary commanders. It was neither carried by storm nor famine; nor wasit undermined, nor bombarded, nor set on fire by red-hot shot, but wastaken by a stratagem no less singular than effectual, and which can neverfail of success whenever an opportunity occurs of putting it in practice. 

It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the garrison ofJacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one-eighth by the death of twoof his most corpulent soldiers, who had over-eaten themselves on fatsalmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition was immediatelyset on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the habitsof the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners andsmoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noonstide of a sultry summer'sday, and surprised them in the midst of their slumbers. 

In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was lowered, and theYankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by way of aspread eagle. A strong garrison was appointed of long-sided, hard-fistedYankees, with Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As toJacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck, conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in thecrupper, as Charles XII dismissed the heavy-bottomed Russians at thebattle of Narva; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in considerationof his official dignity. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [34] The following cases in point appear in Hazard's "Collection of State Papers:"--"In the meantime, they of Hartford have not onely usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although uprighteously and against the lawes of nations, but have hindered our nation in sowing theire own purchased broken-up lands, but have also sowed them with corne in the night, which the Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe; and have beaten the servants of the high and mighty the honored companie, which were labouring upon theire masters' lands, from theire lands, with sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and, among the rest, struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyckink] a hole in his head with a stick, so that the bloode ran downe very strongly downe upon his body. "

 "Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the honored companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde grass, when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered the hogg for 5s. If the commissioners would have given 5s. For damage; which the commissioners denied, because noe man's own hogg (as men used to say), can trespass upon his owne master's grounde. "

CHAPTER IV. 

Language cannot express the awful ire of William the Testy on hearing ofthe catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. For three good hours his rage was toogreat for words, or rather the words were too great for him (being a verysmall man), and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, nine-cornered Dutchoaths and epithets which crowded at one into his gullet. At length hiswords found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant discharge, anathematising the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven, schobbejacken, deugenieten, twist-zoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schalken, kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unfortunately forposterity, history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that he wouldhave nothing more to do with such a squatting, bundling, guessing, questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, molasses-daubing, shingle-splitting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying, notion-peddlingcrew--that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he woulddirty his hands by attempting to drive them away; in proof of which heordered the new-raised troops to be marched forthwith into winterquarters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondencynow fell upon the city of New Amsterdam. It was feared that the conquerorsof Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple-brandy, might march onto the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole province toConnecticut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the NieuwNederlanders as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans, insomuch thatthe good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith tofrighten their unruly children. 

Everybody clamored round the governor, imploring him to put the city in acomplete posture of defence, and he listened to their clamors. Nobodycould accuse William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at anyother time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very littlepurpose. When a youngling he had been impressed with the words of Solomon, "Go to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, " inconformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn;hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or wherefore, busying himselfabout small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, andtoiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he wasmoving a mountain. In the present instance he called in all his inventivepowers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, makingdiagrams, and worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors at hisheels. At length, after a world of consultation and contrivance, his plansof defence ended in rearing a great flag-staff in the center of the fort, and perching a windmill on each bastion. 

These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm, especially after an additional means of securing the safety of the cityhad been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted inthis most authentic history that in the domestic establishment of Williamthe Testy "the grey mare was the better horse;" in other words, that hiswife "ruled the roast, " and, in governing the governor, governed theprovince, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government. 

Now it came to pass that this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly, robustious trumpeter, named Anthony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind;and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrumentthat the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to theScotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose. 

This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant, burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little bowery, orretreat in the country, where he led a roystering life, giving dances tothe wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch thathe became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He issaid to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fairsex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hell-gate. [35]

To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this timeof darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out the plansof defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith heldat the government house, at which the governor's lady presided: and thislady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the resultof these councils was the elevation of Anthony the Trumpeter to the postof commandant of windmills and champion of New Amsterdam. 

The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one'sheart good to see the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting withdelight, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts twangingdefiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all theprincipalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the handsof Anthony Van Corlear this windy instrument appeared to him as potent asthe horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto;nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' hornscelebrated in Holy Writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jerichofell down. 

Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hostilities from the eastgradually died away. The Yankees made no further invasion; nay, theydeclared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erectedwithin their territories. So far from manifesting hostility, theycontinued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent countenancesimaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to tradewith the Netherlands as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to thewindward of them in a bargain. 

The old wives of the Manhattoes who took tea with the governor's ladyattributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by themilitary preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Anthonythe Trumpeter. 

There were not wanting illiberal minds, however, who sneered at thegovernor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere wind;but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his windmills; he had seenthem perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam; and waspersuaded they were connected with the great science of defence; nay, somuch piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that heintroduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day, quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and mementoof his policy. 

I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of theManhattoes, skilful in expounding signs and mysteries, after events havecome to pass, consider this early intrusion of the windmill into theescutcheon of our city, which before had been wholly occupied by thebeaver, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman wouldbe elbowed aside by the enterprising Yankee, and patient industryovertopped by windy speculation. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [35] The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists; but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowadays excepting on sleighing parties, by the descendants of the patriarchs, who still preserve the traditions of the city. 

CHAPTER V. 

Among the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated downthe stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by thosehumble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, wefind a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legislator. Anxious topreserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendmentsof country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that, whoeverproposed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck; whereby, incase his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up--and there thematter ended. 

The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but onetrifling alteration in the judicial code; and legal matters were so clearand simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want ofemployment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement tolitigation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people thatthey make scarce any figure in history; it being only your litigatous, quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world. 

I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of theinternal policy of William the Testy. Well would it have been for him hadhe in the course of his universal acquirements stumbled upon theprecaution of the good Charondas; or had he looked nearer home at theprotectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governedwithout laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy, meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that thetrue wisdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. Heaccordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishmentsfor little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up byditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even thesequestered paths of private life so beset by petty rules and ordinances, too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large withoutthe risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap. 

In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent; aclass of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts wereinstituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began toabound, and the community was soon set together by the ears. 

Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the professionof the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order. Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthygentlemen, the knights-errant of modern days, who go about redressingwrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doinggood. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up myink-bottle for ever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon thedignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On thecontrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latterdays of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreantCornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry; who, under itsauspices, commit flagrant wrongs; who thrive by quibbles, by quirks andchicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they areengendered. 

Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent passions as the facility ofgratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty, vexatious, and disgraceful suits were it not for the herds ofpettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and moreignorant classes; who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery initself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks inmedicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure toaugment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution the pettifoggerexhausts the purse; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quackis for ever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself withinfallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever afterprone to embroil himself with his neighbors, and impoverish himself withsuccessful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which Ihave been unwarily betrayed; but I could not avoid giving a cool andunprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellentcity, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted, having beennearly ruined by a lawsuit which was decided against me; and my ruinhaving been completed by another, which was decided in my favor. 

To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moraloffences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was morestrenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it theroot of all evil, and determined to cut it up root and branch, andextirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of histravels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those noticesposted up in country towns, that "any vagrant found begging there would beput in the stocks, " and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen inthese neighborhoods; having doubtless thrown off their rags and theirpoverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined toimprove upon this hint. In a little while a new machine of his owninvention was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor lessthan a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction, far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishmentof poverty. It was for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, sorenowned in Bible history; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that theculprit, instead of being suspended by the neck according to venerablecustom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawlingbetween heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time, to the infiniteentertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usuallyattend exhibitions of the kind. 

Such was the punishment of all petty delinquents, vagrants, and beggarsand others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way. As to thosewho had offended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrantmisfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stoodconvicted of large debts which they were unable to pay, William Kieft hadthem straightway enclosed within the stone walls of a prison, there toremain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient, however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under William theTesty than in more modern days, it being found that the longer a poordevil was kept in prison the poorer he grew. 

END OF VOLUME I. 

KNICKERBOCKER'S

HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

VOLUME II. 

INTRODUCTION. 

The playful devices by which attention was directed to the comingpublication of the History of Diedrich Knickerbocker are represented inthe author's opening to the first volume. Irving joined afterward inbusiness as a sleeping partner, visited England in 1815, and, whilecordially welcomed here by Thomas Campbell, Walter Scott, and others, thefailure of his brother's business obliged him to make writing hisprofession. The publishers at first refused to take one of the mostcharming of his works, the "Sketch Book"; but John Murray yielded at lastto the influence of Walter Scott, and paid £200 for the copyright of it, asum afterward increased to £400. "Bracebridge Hall" and the "Tales of aTraveler" followed. Irving went to Spain with the American Ambassador totranslate documents and acquire experience which he used afterward insuccessive books. "The Life and Voyages of Columbus" appeared in 1828, andwas followed by "Voyages of the Companions of Columbus. "

In 1829 Washington Irving came again to England, this time as Secretary tothe American Legation. He published the "Conquest of Granada. " In 1831 hereceived the honorary degree of LL. D. From the University of Oxford. Thenhe returned to America, published in 1832 "The Alhambra;" in 1835 "Legendsof the Conquest of Spain. " In 1842 he went again to Spain, this time asAmerican Minister. Other works were produced, and at the close of his lifehe achieved his early ambition, by writing a Life of Washington, afterwhom he had been named, and who had laid his hand upon his head andblessed him when he was a child of five. Although the first of the fivevolumes of the Life of Washington did not appear until he was more thanseventy years old, he lived to complete his work, and died on the 28th ofNovember, 1859. Washington Irving never married. He had loved in his earlyyears a daughter of his friend Mrs. Hoffman, had sat by her death-bed whenshe was a girl of seventeen, and waited until his own death restored herto him. 

H. M. 

HISTORY OF NEW YORK

_BOOK IV_. (_continued. _)

CHAPTER VI. 

Next to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed thoseof William the Testy for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomonof whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emulous, had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets ofJerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to theprecious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streetsof New Amsterdam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less thanstrings of beads wrought out of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish, and called seawant or wampum. These had formed a native currency among thesimple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in exchangefor peltries. In an unlucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this moneyof easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin ofthe province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, whoused it to ornament their robes and moccasins; but among the honestburghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form thepaper currency of modern days. This consideration, however, had no weightwith William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the company andall the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries tosweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modernSolomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads toNew Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation. 

And now for a time affairs went on swimmingly; money became as plentifulas in the modern days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase, "a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity. " Yankee traderspoured into the province, buying everything they could lay their hands on, and paying the worthy Dutchmen their own price--in Indian money. If thelatter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for theirtinware and wooden bowls the case was altered; nothing would do but Dutchguilders, and such-like "metallic currency. " What was worse, the Yankeesintroduced an inferior kind of wampum, made of oyster shells, with whichthey deluged the province, carrying off all the silver and gold, the Dutchherrings and Dutch cheeses: thus early did the knowing men of the Eastmanifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of theoyster, and leaving them the shell. [36]

It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible howcompletely his grand project of finance was turned against him by hiseastern neighbors; nor would he probably have ever found it out had nottidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a descent upon LongIsland, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they werecoining up all the oyster banks. 

Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense, financial and gastronomical. Ever since the council dinner of Oloffe theDreamer, at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oysterfigured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kindof superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes; as witness the templeserected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is thestandard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, the softcrab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington. 

The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on thepockets, but on the larders of the New Amsterdammers; the whole communitywas aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against theYankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the standard; nay, some ofthe most corpulent burgomasters and schepens joined the expedition as a_corps de reserve_, only to be called into action when the sackingcommenced. 

The conduct of the expedition was entrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who, for size and weight, might have matched with Colbrand, the Danishchampion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the provincefor strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was namedStoffel Brinkerhoff; or rather, Brinkerhoofd; that is to say, Stoffel theHead-breaker. 

This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, ledhis troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, andPatch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering anydifficulty of note, though it is said that some of the burgomasters gaveout at Hard-scramble Hill and Hungry Hollow; and that others lost heart, and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march untilhe arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay. 

Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors, headed by PreservedFish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, andDetermined Cock! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verilybelieved the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones had been let looseupon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the "select men"of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed onlyto meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode ofarguing--that was with the cudgel; but he used it with such effect that herouted his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven theinhabitants into the sea, if they had not managed to escape across theSound to the mainland by the Devil's Stepping-stones, which remain to thisday monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees. 

Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined anduncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grandtriumph, after the manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by Williamthe Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on aNarraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from theenemy, were borne before him; and an immense store of oysters and clams, Weathersfield onions, and Yankee "notions" formed the _spolia opima;_while several coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace thehero's triumph. 

The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes, performing on the popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells, while Anthony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts. 

A great banquet was served up in the Stadthouse from the clams and oysterstaken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to themint, and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid histroops. 

It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice amongthe ancients to honor their victorious generals with public statues, passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted topaint the head of Stoffel Brinkerhoff upon his sign!

FOOTNOTES:

 [36] In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Library of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of Indian money:--"Seawant, alias wampum. Beads manufactured from the Quahang or whelk, a shell-fish formerly abounding on our coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence of two colors, black and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of the white and three of the black for an English penny. The seawant depreciates from time to time. The New England people make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large quantity of beavers' and other furs, by which the company is defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed in making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet their engagements; while their commissioners and the inhabitants remain overstocked with seawant, a sort of currency of no value except with the New Netherland savages, " etc. 

CHAPTER VII. 

It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of theinhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that theybecame very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of thelittle governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequentexacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry; andthe council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to abatch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people atlarge being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappycommotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam;insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation andperplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, andabominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis isdisfigured. 

The fact was, that about this time the community, like Balaam's ass, beganto grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition forwhat is called "self-government. " This restive propensity was firstevinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of NewAmsterdam met to talk and smoke over the complicated affairs of theprovince, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and tobaccosmoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hangloose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblersabandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy; blacksmithssuffered their fires to go out, while they stirred up the fires offaction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity, neglected their own measures to criticise the measures of government. 

Strange! that the science of government, which seems to be so generallyunderstood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon toexercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his wordfor it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William theTesty. 

Under the instructions of these political oracles, the good people of NewAmsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened; and, as a matter of course, exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful error inwhich they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest people increation; and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary notwithstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruinedpeople!

We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginarycauses of lamentation. Like lubberly monks, we belabor our own shoulders, and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is thissaid by way of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of theseobservations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a mangroaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is easier than to render himwretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity: as it would be an herculeantask to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child couldtopple him off thence. 

I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings were generallyheld at some noted tavern; these public edifices possessing what in moderntimes are thought the true fountains of political inspiration. The ancientGermans deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it whensober. Mob politicians in modern times dislike to have two minds upon asubject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk; by this means a worldof delay is spared; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunksees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well as hissober neighbors. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Wilhelmus Kieft, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on asmall scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had beengreatly annoyed by the facetious meetings of the good people of NewAmsterdam, but observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever intheir mouth, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of theaffair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics andtobacco smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he beganforthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in allits uses; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon thepublic pocket, a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally, heissued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the NewNetherlands. Ill-fated Kieft! Had he lived in the present age, andattempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not havestruck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, infact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the NewNetherlander. It was his constant companion and solace--was he gay, hesmoked: was he sad, he smoked; his pipe was never out of his mouth; it wasa part of his physiognomy; without it, his best friends would not knowhim. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose!

The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popularcommotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and animmense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor'shouse, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy Williamissued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this lawlessfumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, andpuffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that thegovernor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle. 

A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Anthony the Trumpeter. Thegovernor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smokedinto terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but heabolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller, denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these hecondemned as incompatible with the despatch of business; in place whereofhe substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which, he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in thehatband, and would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarminginsurrection, which was long known by the name of the Pipe Plot, andwhich, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plotsand seditions, in mere smoke. 

But mark, O reader! the deplorable evils which did afterward result. Thesmoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloudabout the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up allthe kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who used them asvaporish and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, frombeing goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became, like our Dutchyeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried, leather-hided race. 

Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco pipes we may date therise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-importantburghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adheredto the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the LongPipes; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as moreconvenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeianname of Short Pipes. 

A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, thecompanion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether, and tookup chewing tobacco; hence they were called Quids; an appellation sincegiven to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between twogreat parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass. 

And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in savingthe people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides mankind intothree classes--those who think for themselves, those who think as othersthink, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises thegreat mass of society; for most people require a set creed and afile-leader. Hence the origin of party, which means a large body ofpeople, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take thelead and discipline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what theymust approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, aboveall, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan who isnot a thoroughgoing hater. 

The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, therefore, being dividedinto parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. Andnow the great business of politics went bravely on, the Long Pipes andShort Pipes assemblings in separate beer-houses, and smoking at eachother with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state andprofit of the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespattertheir adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell sostrong in the Dutch language; believing, like true politicians, that theyserved their party and glorified themselves in proportion as they bewrayedtheir neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, allparties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governorof their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them. 

Unhappy William Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesantmanuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped, and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreignexpeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees;all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by "numerous andrespectable meetings" of pot-house politicians. 

In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but themultitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to WilliamKieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject toperpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passionwith every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, however, thatyour passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easilyupset or blown out of their course; so was it with William the Testy, whowas prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into hisear. The consequence was that though a projector of the first class, yet, by continually changing his projects, he gave none a fair trial; and byendeavoring to do everything, he, in sober truth, did nothing. 

In the meantime the sovereign people, having got into the saddle, showedthemselves, as usual, unmerciful riders; spurring on the little governorwith harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials andreproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unluckydevil of a hack-horse; so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or agallop throughout the whole of his administration. 

CHAPTER IX. 

If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where like avigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts ofthoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by anevil; and that however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, thetime will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune, infact, is a pestilent shrew, and, withal, an inexorable creditor; andthough for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us inlong credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with avengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. "Since, " says goodold Boethius, "no man can retain her at his pleasure, what are her favorsbut sure prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity?"

This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, theCroakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other menrejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient; that thehigher one is elevated on the see-saw balance of fortune, the lower mustbe his subsequent depression; that he who is on the uppermost round of aladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runsvery little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top. 

Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulged indismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter, and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will notbe surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during hisdays should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William theTesty. 

The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to thediscoveries and annexations of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, andWynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days ofOloffe the Dreamer, by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts werecarried far to the south, to Delaware River and parts beyond. Theconsequence was many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now andthen reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, likethe muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, without, however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William theTesty that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the littlegovernor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from theYankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony ofSwedes in the South, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware, anddisplayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and takenpossession of the country in her name. These had been guided in theirexpedition by one Peter Minuits or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman, formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses; but who now declaredhimself governor of all the surrounding country, to which was given thename of the province of New Sweden. 

It is an old saying, that "a little pot is soon hot, " which was the casewith William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, andonce in a passion he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on thereceipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech thathad been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches andTough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, heresorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and despatched adocument of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang ofSwedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain ofvengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of thepotentates of the Manhattoes. 

This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessorswhich had been thundered against the Yankees, and William Kieft waspreparing to follow it up with something still more formidable, when hereceived intelligence of other invaders on his southern frontier, who hadtaken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there. They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedinglyexpert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of therough-and-tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from theirprototypes and cousins-german the Virginians, to whom they have ever borneconsiderable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisterers, muchgiven to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple toddy; whencetheir newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland, which, with a slight modification, it retains to the present day. 

In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, wererepresented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock ashis bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee, tribes of the east; having bothcome over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in otherwords, to live as they pleased; the Yankees taking to praying andmoney-making and converting Quakers, and the Southerners to horse-racingand cock-fighting and breeding negroes. 

Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a navalarmament of two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who wasarmed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerfulspeeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch. 

Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came uponthe enemy just as they were engaged in a great "barbecue, " a king offestivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them withthe speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy, canting, julep-tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-driving, tavern-haunting, Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts: andconcluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately; to whichthey laconically replied in plain English, "They'd see him d----d first!"

Now this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor WilhelmusKieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totallyunprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, theadmiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and reportprogress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, wherehe arrived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at smallexpense of treasure, and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him theuniversal appellation of the Savior of his Country, and his services weresuitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on thetop of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three wholeyears, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for firewood. 

CHAPTER X. 

About this time, the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appearsto have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to havebeen kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of followingup the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent measuresagainst the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly calledaway by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds ofwhich had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter. 

The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacificgovernor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of BearnIsland by _wapen recht_. While the governor doubted and did nothing, thelordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum ofRensellaersteen, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from theHelderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardestfists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the patroon, accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitatehis lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His dutyit was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed, unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, to strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to the Lord of Rensellaersteen. 

This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the LordsStates General, however it might have been tolerated by Walter theDoubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy, on coming intooffice and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to KillianVan Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus by degreesa sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been established inthe irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at thevery name of Rensellaersteen. 

Now it came to pass that, on a fine sunny day, the company's yacht, theHalf Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, wasquietly tiding it down the Hudson; the commander, Govert Lockerman, aveteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on thehigh poop, quietly smoking his pipe, under the shadow of the proud flagof Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by astentorian voice from the shore, "Lower thy flag, and be d----d to thee!"

Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up hiseye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thusdiscourteously. There, on the ramparts of the forts, stood Nicholas Koorn, armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while asteeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, formerly worn by Killian VanRensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor. 

Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to bedismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, "To whom should I lowermy flag?" demanded he. "To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, thelord of Rensellaersteen!" was the reply. 

"I lower it to none but the Prince Orange and my masters, the Lords StatesGeneral. " So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of doggeddetermination. 

Bang! went a gun from the fortress; the ball cut both sail and rigging. Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly. 

Bang! went another gun; the shot whistling close astern. 

"Fire, and be d----d, " cried Govert Lockerman, cramming a new charge oftobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehemence. 

Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole inthe "princely flag of Orange. "

This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of GovertLockerman; he maintained a stubborn though swelling silence, but hissmothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smokeemitted from his pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as heslowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. In fact, henever gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the Highlands ofthe Hudson, when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are saidto linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to giveparticular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood. 

It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at Dog's Misery, bearingin his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention ofWilliam the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against themarauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe the passion of thelittle man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaersteen. Suffice it tosay, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Miserytopsy-turvy, kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of thewindow; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he wentinto a council of war with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted byAnthony Van Corlear, the trumpeter. 

CHAPTER XI. 

The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the endof this direful feud between William the Testy and the patron ofRensellaerwick; and some, observing the consultations of the governor withthe skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land. The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick toevaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and cracklingfor a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates, his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts fordiplomacy. 

Accordingly Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in thecompany's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Anthony the Trumpeter asambassador, to treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaersteen. Inthe fulness of time the yacht arrived before Bearn Island, and Anthony theTrumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parly to the forces. In a littlewhile the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, roseabove the battlements, followed by his iron visage, and ultimately hiswhole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth; while one by one awhole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall, and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothingdaunted by this formidable array, Anthony Van Corlear drew forth and readwith audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting againstthe usurpation of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit thepremises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate ofthe Manhattoes. 

In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the endof his nose, and the thumb of the left hand to the little finger of theright, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish withhis fingers. Anthony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand thissign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking tobetray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive ofWilliam the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his righthand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the littlefinger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. AnthonyVan Corlear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign orsymbol, current in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible to a newdiplomat like himself, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect ofWilliam the Testy. Considering his embassy therefore at an end, he soundedhis trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on his return down theriver, every now and then practising this mysterious sign of thewacht-meester, to keep it accurately in mind. 

Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report of his embassy to thegovernor, accompanied by a manual exhibition of the response of NicholasKoorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his ambassador. He wasdeeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry, but they threw no light onthe matter. He knew ever variety of windmill and weathercock, but was nota whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled inEgyptian hieroglyphics, and the mystic symbols of the obelisk, but nonefurnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of hiscouncil. Anthony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting thethumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to thefinger of the right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign. Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been putin capitals, but all in vain, the worthy burgomasters were equallyperplexed with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of hisnose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Anthony VanCorlear, then smoked on in dubious silence. Several times was Anthonyobliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each timea circle of nasal weathercocks might be seen in the council chamber. 

Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the soothsayersand fortune tellers and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none couldinterpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up insore perplexity. The matter got abroad; Anthony Van Corlear was stopped atevery corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, eachof whom departed with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, tocarry the story home of his family. For several days all business wasneglected in New Amsterdam; nothing was talked of but the diplomaticmission of Anthony the Trumpeter, nothing was to be seen but knots ofpoliticians with their thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the fiercefeud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at firsthad menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other warquestions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy. 

Still, to this early affair of Rensellaersteen may be traced the remoteorigin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of theHelderberg, and have well nigh shaken the great patroonship of the VanRensellaers to its foundation: for we are told that the bully boys of theHelderberg, who served under Nicholas Koorn, the wacht-meester, carriedback to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzledAnthony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes; so that to thepresent day, the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to bethe reply of the Helderbergers whenever called upon for any long arrearsof rent. 

CHAPTER XII. 

It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times who had a neareropportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palacelay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes;and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned, and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Nederlandts; for aboutthis time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north, incessant forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut upon thepig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two somebroad-bottomed express rider, covered with mud and mire, would comefloundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new taleof aggression from the frontier; whereupon Anthony Van Corlear, seizinghis trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days, would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes anddisastrous cadence, as to throw half the old women in the city intohysterics; all which tended greatly to increase his popularity, therebeing nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequentlytreated to a panic--a secret well known to modern editors. 

But oh, ye powers! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage ofthe Yankees throw the choleric little governor! Letter after letter, protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch, were incessantly fulminated upon them, and the four-and-twenty letters ofthe alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constantcampaigning. All, however, was ineffectual; even the recent victory atOyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds ofhis foul weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering upof those clouds and indications of more portentous tempests; for theYankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorableoccasion their incompetency to cope in fair fight with the sturdy chivalryof the Manhattoes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of theirbrethren who inhabit the east country, which from them has derived thename of Yankee land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequencewas a great confederacy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, NewPlymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the "United Colonies of NewEngland;" the pretended object of which was mutual defense against thesavages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts. 

For, to let the reader into one of the greatest secrets of history, theNieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as themodern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar peopledestined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of it. In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people; of that class whoonly require an inch to gain an ell; or a halter to gain a horse. From thetime they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate, progressing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, makinga little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, thata rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have facetiously received thenickname of "The Pilgrims, " that is to say, a people who are alwaysseeking a better country than their own. 

The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with dismay, and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagreeablepiece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all that hehad read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that thiswas a counterpart of the Amphictyonic League, by which the states ofGreece attained such power and supremacy; and the very idea made his heartquake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes. 

The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council ofdelegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of thistruly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility tothe New Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with theIndians, with carrying on a traffic in "guns, powther, and shott--a tradedamnable and injurious to the colonists. " It is true the Connecticuttraders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic; but thenthey always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, ingeniously calculatedto burst in the pagan hands which used them. 

The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory ofWilliam the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head, but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmentedin power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills ofNew Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continuedoccasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd seacaptain fires his guns into a water spout, but, alas! they had no moreeffect than so many blank cartridges. 

Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy, for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times, he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped for everthrough the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concernthat such obscurity should hang over his latter days; for he was in trutha mighty and great little man, and worthy of being utterly renowned, seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land theart of fighting by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters andwindmills. 

It is true that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there weregreat numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his mysteriousexit, have fabled that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, andforms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the crab;while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had experienced a fatesimilar to that of the good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancientbards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairyland, where hestill exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or anotherreturn to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity, which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table. [37]

All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions ofthose dreaming varlets the poets, to which I would not have my judiciousreader attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancientand rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmuswas annihilated by the blowing down of one of his windmills, nor a writerof later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment innatural history, having the misfortune to break his neck from a garretwindow of the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinklingsalt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition thathe perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore, discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskillmountains. [38]

The most probable account declares, that what with the constant troubleson his frontiers--the incessant schemings and projects going on in his ownpericranium--the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces ofadvice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refractorydisposition of his councillors, who were sure to differ from him on everypoint, and uniformly to be in the wrong--his mind was kept in a furnaceheat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe whichhas passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner didhe undergo a kind of animal combustion consuming away like a farthingrushlight, so that when grim Death finally snuffed him out, there wasscarcely left enough of him to bury!

FOOTNOTES:

 [37] "The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead, but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where he sholde remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne in as great authority as ever. "--_Holinshed_. 

 "The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all Britaigne; for, certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn--He say'd that his deth shall be doubteous; and said soth, for men thereof yet have doubte and shullen for evermore, for men wyt not whether that he lyveth or is dede. "--_De Leew Chron_. 

 [38] Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which border a little on the marvelous. The story of the golden ore rests on something better than mere tradition. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of the New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment, the weight and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump and gave it to be proved by a skillful doctor of medicine, Johannes de la Montagne, one of the councillors of the New Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces of gold worth about three guilders. All this, continues Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with the Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain, in the region of the Kaatskill, under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful of ore, which, being submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the first. William Kieft now thought the discovery certain. He sent a confidential person, Arent Corsen, with a bagful of the mineral to New Haven, to take passage in an English ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board perished. [A]

 In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the _Princess_, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral. The ship was never heard of more!

 Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but pyrites; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an eye-witness, and the experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New Netherlands, declared, in Holland, that he had tested several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory. It would appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill always brought ill luck; as is evidenced in the fate of Arent Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines have never since been explored, but remain among the mysteries of the Kaatskill mountains, and under the protection of the goblins which haunt them. 

 [A] See Van der Donck's description of the New Netherlands, Collect. New York Hist. Society, vol. I. , p. 161. 

_BOOK V. _

CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HISTROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL. 

CHAPTER I. 

To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through asubject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but half way, there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a greatman is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think ofourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, itis certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceedinglysmall space in the world; and it is equally certain, that even that smallspace is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. "Of what consequence isit, " said Pliny, "that individuals appear, or make their exit? the worldis a theater whose scenes and actors are continually changing. " Never didphilosopher speak more correctly, and I only wonder that so wise a remarkcould have existed so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more toheart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage; one hero just steps outof his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him; and ofthe proudest monarch it is merely said that, "he slept with his fathers, and his successor reigned in his stead. "

The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss, and, if left to itself, would soon forget to grieve; and though a nationhas often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man, yet it is ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the occasion, excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian, the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief tosustain; who, kind souls! like undertakers in England, act the part ofchief mourners; who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, anddeluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while thepatriotic author is weeping and howling in prose, in blank verse, and inrhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as intoa lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eatingand drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitterlamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John Doe andRichard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased tobecome sureties. 

The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have moulderedinto oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not somehistorian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name toposterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled, andturmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, Iquestion seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentichistory for all his future celebrity. 

His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor itsvicinity; the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from theirspheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fainpersuade us they have been, on the death of a hero; the rocks(hard-hearted varlets!) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hangtheir heads in silent sorrow; and as to the sun, he lay abed the nextnight just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose, as he everdid, on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. Thegood people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been avery busy, active, bustling little governor; that he was "the father ofhis country;" that he was "the noblest work of God;" that "he was a man, take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again;"together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches, regularly saidon the death of all great men; after which they smoked their pipes, thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station. 

Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, the best of our ancient Dutch governors; Wouter having surpassed all whopreceded him, and Pieter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the oldDutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having neverbeen equalled by any successor. He was, in fact, the very man fitted byNature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had notthe Fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters, destined them to inextricable confusion. 

To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice; hewas, in truth, a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, raw-bonedmake, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Herculeswould have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when he undertookto ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describesCoriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise forhis voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel; and, like theself-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereignpeople, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the verybowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martialexcellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidentaladvantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil havegraced any of their heroes. 

This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he hadgained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he wasso proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than allhis other limbs put together; indeed, so highly did he esteem it, that hehad it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which causedit to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silverleg. [39]

Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extemporebursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites andattendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken after the manner ofhis illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulderswith his walking staff. 

Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, orBacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest ashrewdness and sagacity in his measures that one would hardly expect froma man who did not know Greek and had never studied the ancients. True itis, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion toexperiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplestmanner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did theerudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, toassist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but very fewlaws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly andimpartially enforced; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was aswell administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutesyearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten. 

He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neithertranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting, like William the Testy; but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommonactivity and decision of mind, that he never sought nor accepted theadvice of others, depending bravely upon his single head, as would a heroof yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties anddangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete himas a statesman than to think always right, for no one can say but that healways acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he foundhimself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting, by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, hepossessed in an eminent degree that great quality in a statesman, calledperseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar. Awonderful salve for official blunders; since he who perseveres in errorwithout flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while hewho wavers, in seeking to do what is right, gets stigmatised as a trimmer. This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of alllegislators great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolutewhich way to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself, while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs greatrisk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one'sfoot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. Theclock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours, while others may keep going continually, and be continually going wrong. 

Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good peopleof Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contrary, so much were they struck with theindependent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions bytheir new governor, that they universally called him Hard Koppig Piet, orPeter the Headstrong, a great compliment to the strength of hisunderstanding. 

If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, thatPeter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome, obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull atdrawing conclusions. 

This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th ofMay, 1647; a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacks ofthe time which have come down to us by the name of "Windy Friday. " As hewas very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inauguratedinto office with great ceremony, the goodly oaken chair of the renownedWouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in likemanner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Scone, inScotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs. 

I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements, together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed "hanging day, "did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers very reasonableapprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants; andseveral of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled inthe mysteries of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare outright thatthey were omens of a disastrous administration; an event that came to belamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom ofattending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams andvisions, the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, onwhich the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance; or tothose shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, howlings of dogs, andflarings of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the oracularSibyls of our day, who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimateinheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This muchis certain, that Governor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at aturbulent period, when foes thronged and threatened from without, whenanarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when theauthority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, thoughsupported by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, andproclamations, yet tottered to its very center; and when the great city ofNew Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills, seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, andready to yield to the first invader. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [39] See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome. 

CHAPTER II. 

The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins ofgovernment, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a littlemarvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himselfconstantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of hisprivy council, the members of which had acquired the unreasonable habit ofthinking and speaking to themselves during the preceding reign, hedetermined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of officeall the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy;in place of whom he chose unto himself councillors from those fat, somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered underthe easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnishedwith abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequentcorporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for thegood of the nation, while he took the burden of government upon his ownshoulders--an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. 

Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions andexpedients of his learned predecessor--rooting up his patent gallows, where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband; demolishing hisflag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the rampartsof New Amsterdam; pitching to the Duyvel whole batteries of Quaker guns;and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, andwindmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam. 

The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of theirmatchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigiousfavor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, andeyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that wouldhave appalled anything else than a sounder of brass--"Pr'ythee, who andwhat art thou?" said he. "Sire, " replied the other, in no wise dismayed, "for my name, it is Antony Van Corlear--for my parentage, I am the son ofmy mother--for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this greatcity of New Amsterdam. " "I doubt me much, " said Peter Stuyvesant, "thatthou art some scurvy costard-monger knave: how didst thou acquire thisparamount honor and dignity?" "Marry, sir, " replied the other, "like manya great man before me, simply by sounding my own trumpet. " "Ay, is it so?"quoth the governor; "why, then, let us have a relish of thy art. "Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded acharge with such tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such atriumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out ofone's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger, grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks uphis ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did theheroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him mighttruly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England, "there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than tohear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth theirsteeled weapons. " Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdyVan Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in hisdiscourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightwayconceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from thetroublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, everafter retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidentialenvoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrousnotes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while athis repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of gloriouschivalry; and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the peoplewith warlike melody, thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. 

But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitationin the community was his laying his hand upon the currency. He hadold-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered thetrue standards of wealth and mediums of commerce, and one of his firstedicts was that all duties to government should be paid in those preciousmetals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender. 

Here was a blow at public prosperity! All those who speculated on the riseand fall of this fluctuating currency found their calling at an end;those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found theircapital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who wereaccustomed to flood the market with newly-coined oyster-shells, and toabstract Dutch merchandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying this"tampering with the currency. " It was clipping the wings of commerce; itwas checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at anend; goods would moulder on the shelves; grain would rot in the granaries;grass would grow in the marketplace. In a word, no one who has not heardthe outcries and howlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon "papermoney, " can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong forchecking the circulation of oyster-shells. 

In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels; but then the stream wasdeep as it was broad. The honest Dutchman sold less goods; but then theygot the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tinware, apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles ofYankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnifiedthemselves in another way for having to abandon the coinage ofoyster-shells, for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs madetheir first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of theDutch housewives. 

 NOTE. 

 From a manuscript record of the province (Lib, N. Y. Hist, Soc. ). --"We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser, and prevent their being, further imposed upon, than to declare, absolutely and peremptorily, that henceforward seawant shall be bullion--not longer admissable in trade, without any value, as it is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no longer away his wares and merchandise for these baubles; at least not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity, than as they may want them in their trade with the savages. 

 "In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be enabled to draw the best wares and merchandise from our country for nothing; the beavers and furs not excepted. This has, indeed, long since been insufferable; although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent. 

 "27th January, 1662, "Seawant falls into disrepute; duties to be paid in silver coin. "

CHAPTER III. 

Now it came to pass, that while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating theinternal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had causedsuch tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent andpower. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston, where it spun a web which threatened to link within it all the mightyprincipalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by thisformidable combination was mutual protection and defence against theirsavage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grandcrusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts and to get possession of the city ofthe Manhattoes--as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to theYankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient Crusaders. 

In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, agrand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for itsdusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of RhodeIsland, praying to be admitted into the league. 

The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records ofthe council. [40]

"Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented thisinsewing request to the commissioners in wrighting----

 "Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Iland, that wee the ilanders of Rhoode Iland may be rescauied into combination with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall safety and wellfaire, etc. 

 "WILL COTTINGTON. "ALICXSANDER PARTRIDG. "

There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this documentthat might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, howevermis-spelt, has been warlike in every age, and though its fierceness is insome measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen ofPartridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding greatresemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter, moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by thenoble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we maypicture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent inthe field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated amongthat learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not countbeyond the number four. 

The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the partof the moss-troopers of Connecticut, pushing their encroachments fartherand farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so that eventhe inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath, and to findthemselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room. 

Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; hisfirst impulse was to march at once to the frontier, and kick thesesquatting Yankees out of the country; but, bethinking himself in time thathe was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for oncecooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand atnegotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him and the greatcouncil of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from eitherside should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, adjust grievances, and establish a "perpetual and happy peace. "

The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according toimmemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the "wisest andweightiest" men of the community; that is to say, men with the oldestheads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, HansReinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the timeof Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of thekind; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he firstspied the mouth of the Connecticut river from his masthead, and all theworld knows that the discovery of the mouth of the river gives prior rightto all the lands drained by its waters. 

It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of theManhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing onthis embassy; men whose word on 'Change was oracular, and in whosepresence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat: whenit was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them withhis spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted thatmen of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees noalternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wifeand children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their HighMightinesses on which they had squatted. 

In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in nowise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two leanYankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of nosubstance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was nojingling of money in their pockets; it is true they had longer heads thanthe Dutchmen; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they werebroad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made upby a double chin. 

The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of originaldiscovery; according to the principle that he who first sees a new countryhas an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteranOothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with theidentical tarpaulin spy-glass in his hand with which he had discovered themouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled backin their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got theweather-gauge of the Yankees, but what was their dismay when the latterproduced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass, twice as long, with which hediscovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes: and so crookedthat he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river. This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to thewhole country bordering on the Sound; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was amere Dutch squatting-place on their territories. 

I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners atfinding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neitherwill I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at theManhattoes when they learnt how their commissioner, had been out-trumpedby the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates ofNew Amsterdam. 

Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept ina state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary questions, when the claims of the opposite parties are irreconcilable. One is by anappeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right, and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise, or mutual concession--that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims, and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps most gets most, andthe whole is pronounced an equitable division, "perfectly honorable toboth parties. "

The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave upclaims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts which they had never seen, and all right to the island of Manna-hata and the city of New Amsterdam, to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed thatthe Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they hadsquatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river. 

When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city wasin an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be nowar, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from invasion; whilethe political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over theYankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they hadbeen "fobbed off with. "

And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter, congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer beharassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impoundedhogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties thatdisgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in suchexpectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in theparadoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which I solicit hisserious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that PeterStuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics, and, byeffecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of theprovince. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [40] Haz. Coll. Stat. Pap. 

CHAPTER IV. 

It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucretius, that war wasthe original state of man, whom he described as being, primitively, asavage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with hisown species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated bysociety. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes;[41] nor have therebeen wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it. 

For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, socomplimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined totake the proposition by halves, believing with Horace, [42] that though warmay have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious employmentof our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far frombeing ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement andcivilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towardsthat state of perfection which is the _ne plus ultra_ of modernphilosophy. 

The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physicalforce, unaided by auxiliary weapons--his arm was his buckler, his fist washis mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battleof unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones andclubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement, as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became moreexquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art ofmurdering his fellow beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend andto assault--the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart, and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch theblow. Still urging on, in the career of philanthropic invention, heenlarges and heightens his powers of defense and injury. The aries, thescorpio, the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sublimity towar, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Stillinsatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits ofdestructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate evenwith the desires of revenge--still deeper researches must be made in thediabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of theearth; he toils midst poisonous minerals, and deadly salts--the sublimediscovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world; and finally, the dreadfulart of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war withubiquity and omnipotence!

This, indeed, is grand!--this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, andbespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from theanimals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves withthe native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull buttswith his horns, as did his progenitors before him; the lion, the leopard, and the tiger, seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratifytheir sanguinary fury; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom, and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery, enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction; arrogates thetremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him inmurdering his brother worm!

In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the artof preserving peace advanced in equal ratio; and as we have discovered, inthis age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the mostformidable engine of war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious modeof maintaining peace by perpetual negotiations. 

A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, therefore, accordingto the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, isno longer an attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, andto establish an equitable exchange of kind offices; but a contest of skillbetween two powers which shall overreach and take in the other it is acunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre and the chicanery ofcabinets those advantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested byforce of arms; in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reformsand becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself withcheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seizedwith open violence. 

In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state ofperfect amity is when a negotiation is open and a treaty pending. Then, when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain thewill, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of rightimplanted in our nature; when each party has some advantage to hope andexpect from the other; then it is that the two nations are wonderfullygracious and friendly, their ministers professing the highest mutualregard, exchanging _billets-doux_, making fine speeches, and indulging inall those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, thatdo so marvelously tickle the good humor of the respective nations. Thus itmay paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understandingbetween two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding--and thatso long as they are on terms at all they are on the best terms in theworld!

I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the abovediscovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certainenlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories, privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious gentlemanwho has been member of congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence ofheads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderfulingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interruptingnegotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as ambassador somepolitical pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions, and dexterous in the art of baffling argument; or some blunderingstatesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing toratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient, sopopular with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassadors, between whom, having each an individual will to consult, character toestablish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity andconcord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone, or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement, therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in consequenceof which the negotiation goes on swimmingly, inasmuch as there is noprospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delaysand obstacles but time; and in a negotiation, according to the theory Ihave exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained; with whatdelightful paradoxes does modern political economy abound!

Now all that I have here advanced, is so notoriously true, that I almostblush to take up the time of my readers, with treating of matters whichmust many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition towhich I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that though anegotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet atreaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitfulsources of war. 

I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individualsthat did not produce jealousies, bickerings and often downright rupturesbetween them; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that didnot occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy countryneighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship foryears, have been thrown into a state of distrust, caviling, and animosity, by some ill-starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and straycattle! and how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise haveremained in the most amicable disposition towards each other, have beenbrought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction ofsome treaty, which in an evil hour they had concluded, by way of makingtheir amity more sure!

Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires theirfulfilment; consequently they are virtually binding on the weaker partyonly, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation willwantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby, andtherefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence; and if it haveanything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of therighteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strongthat it could not thrust the sword through; nay, I would hold ten to onethe treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had tofind a pretext for hostilities. 

Thus, therefore, I conclude--that though it is the best of all policiesfor a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet itis the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty; for thencomes on non-fulfillment and infraction, then remonstrance, thenaltercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war. In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallantspeeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses--but the marriage ceremony isthe signal for hostilities. 

If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination ofthe foregoing passage, he will perceive at a glance that the great Peter, in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty oflamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may betraced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, aboutfancied or pretended infringements of treaty stipulations; in all whichthe Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a "dig into the sides"of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit theygave great annoyance to the good burghers of Mannahata, were so pitiful intheir nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the timespent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires, would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is, therefore, to take it for granted--though I scorn to waste in the detailthat time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me isinvaluable--that all the while the great Peter was occupied in thosetremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was acontinued series of little, dirty, sniveling scourings, broils, andmaraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers ofConnecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous DonQuixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of anhistorian, while I reserve my prowess and my pen for achievements ofhigher dignity; for at this moment I hear a direful and portentous noteissuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and resoundingthroughout the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes ofPeter Stuyvesant; I call, therefore, upon the reader to leave behind himall the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forwardwith me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will bewofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [41] Hobbes, Leviathan, part i. , ch. 13. 

 [42] "Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris, Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter, Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque its porro Pugnabaut armis, quæ post fabricaverat usus. " --Hor. _Sat. _ lib. I. S. 3. 

CHAPTER V. 

That the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing PeterStuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advancedin the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that theNederlanders were carrying on a trade "damnable and injurious to thecolonists, " in furnishing the savages with "guns, powther, and shott. "This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacyto have a snug cause of war _in petto_, in case any favorable opportunityshould present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands, the greatobject of Yankee ambition. 

Accordingly, we now find, when every other ground of complaint hadapparently been removed by treaty, this nefarious charge revived withtenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of PeterStuyvesant; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash, was proof against such missiles. 

To be explicit, we are told that, in the years 1651, the great confederacyof the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart ofsteel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate theNarroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians to surprise and massacre theYankee settlements. "For, " as the grand council observed, "the Indiansround about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe ofan intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English, whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects. "

This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians, who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside inthe bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had beenso many Christian troopers. 

Though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the loselYankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen andhis best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and abloody nose in one of these border wars; and my grandfather, when a verylittle boy tending pigs, having been kidnaped and severely flogged by along-sided Connecticut schoolmaster--yet I should have passed over allthese wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion--I could even have sufferedthem to have broken Everett Ducking's head; to have kicked the doughtyJacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors; to have carriedevery hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face ofthe earth with perfect impunity--but this wanton attack upon one of themost gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much evenfor me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of thehistorian and the forbearance of the Dutchman. 

Oh, reader, it was false! I swear to thee, it was false! If thou hast anyrespect to my word, if the undeviating character for veracity, which Ihave endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight withthee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I pledgemy honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesantwas not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered hisright arm, or even his wooden leg, to consume with slow and everlastingflames, rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any other way thanopen, generous warfare. Beshrew those caitiff scouts that conspired tosully his honest name by such an imputation!

Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight errant, had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of KingArthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noblevirtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wildflowers among rocks. He was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off byNature at a single heat, and though little care may have been taken torefine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all hisdealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above board; if there wasanything in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunningand secret wile; "straight forward" was his motto, and he at any timerather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get roundit. 

Such was Peter Stuyvesant, and if my admiration of him has on thisoccasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes thephilosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology thatthough a little grey-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill oflife, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which kindles in theeye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessedthrice, and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeedescaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyses everyglow of enthusiasm. 

The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderouscharge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in thechivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it acrossthe table to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited aproud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them withgiving ear to the slanders of heathen savages against a Christian, asoldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plotin question lied in his throat; to prove which he offered to meet thepresident of the council, or any of his compeers; or their champion, Captain Alexander Partridge, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat;wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm. 

This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Anthony VanCorlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day, sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he carried the vindication ofhis patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Anthony accomplished hismission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He deliveredhis missive with becoming ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish ofdefiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significantand nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridge, who nearly jumpedout of his skin in an ecstasy of astonishment. 

The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be putreadily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to runa tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew theadvantage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war inreserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading; so theydevised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the "raw" whichthey had established. 

On receiving this answer, Anthony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders marewhich he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacinghimself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trumpet like a verydevil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut, resoundedwith the warlike melody; bringing all the folks to the windows as hepassed through Hartford and Pyquag and Middletown, and all the otherborder towns; ogling and winking at the women, and making aerialwindmills from the end of his nose at their husbands; and stoppingoccasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at countryfrolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses, whom he rejoiced exceedinglywith his soul-stirring instrument. 

CHAPTER VI. 

The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in thecoolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that "his confidentdenials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh littleagainst the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians;" that "hisguilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction, " so that they must stillrequire and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with--"so we rest, sir--Yours in ways of righteousness. "

I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at findinghimself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn roundhim by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross anaspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to thecouncil, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, andoffering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. Hisoffer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence toan august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed ofhigh-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of theconfederate plantations, where the matter might be investigated by hispeers in a manner befitting his rank and dignity. 

While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, onesunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes twolean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, withsaddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, wholooked marvelously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof fromone county court to another in quest of lawsuits; and, in sooth, thoughthey may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason tosuspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the worthyDutch commissioners out of the Connecticut river. 

It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries never to let the grassgrow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the inn anddeposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence ofthe governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoonpipe on the "stoop, " or bench at the porch of his house, and announcedthemselves at once as commissioners sent by the grand council of the eastto investigate the truth of certain charges advanced against him. 

The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for amoment in mute astonishment. By way of expediting business, they wereproceeding on the spot to put some preliminary questions; asking him, peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty; considering himsomething in the light of a culprit at the bar; when they were brought toa pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with hiswalking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half acrown for both the crowns of the commissioners; but Peter Stuyvesantrepressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand; he scanned the varletsfrom head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn; thenstrode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that theyshould never again be admitted to his presence. 

The knowing commissioners winked to each other and made a certificate onthe spot that the governor had refused to answer their interrogatories orto submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about thecity for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence, perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning until theyhad stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphaltales, rumors, and calumnies; with these they mounted their Narragansetpacers, and travelled back to the grand council. Neither did theproud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impedetheir departure; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys;but I warrant me had they played the same tricks with William the Testy, he would have had them tucked up by the waistband, and treated to anaerial gambol on his patent gallows. 

CHAPTER VII. 

The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of theirenvoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, everythingwent against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of thecommissioners was construed into a consciousness of guilt. The contents ofthe satchels and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council, andappeared a mountain of evidence. A pale bilious orator took the floor, anddeclaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furiouszealots who blow the bellows of faction until the whole furnace ofpolitics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. What was it to him if heshould set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze?He was from the borders of Connecticut; his constituents lived bymarauding their Dutch neighbors, and were the greatest poachers inChristendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had itseffect, and it was determined to set on foot an expedition against theNieuw Nederlandts. 

It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure. Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit forseveral succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against PeterStuyvesant and his devoted city. 

This is the first we hear of the "drum ecclesiastic" beating up forrecruits in worldly warfare in our country. It has since been called intofrequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe;things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled together, likedrugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, thesimple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrustdown his throat, labeled with a pious text from Scripture. 

And now nothing was talked of but an expedition against the Manhattoes. Itpleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch, considering them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new world forthe lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience: who were mere hereticsand infidels, inasmuch as the refused to believe in witches andsea-serpents, and had, faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to thedoor; ate pork without molasses; held pumpkins in contempt, and were inperpetual breach of the eleventh commandment of all true Yankees, "Thoushalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays. "

No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing inthe east, than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of thoseeconomical rulers who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemyis at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies andcrows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with alldiligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence. 

Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy werethe militia laws, by which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twicea year, with such military equipments as it pleased God; and were putunder the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, though on ordinaryoccasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin-hearted little menin the world, were very devils at parades, when they had cocked hats ontheir heads and swords by their sides. Under the instructions of theseperiodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooledin iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they couldmarch through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, withoutflinching; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right, wheel to the left, and fare without winking or blinking. 

Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smeltgunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops: however, he determinedto give them a trial, and accordingly called for a general muster, inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona! what a turning-out washere! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on hisshoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side; and BarentDirkson, with something that looked like a copper kettle, turned upsidedown on his head, and a couple of old horse pistols in his belt; and DirkVolkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod, and a hostmore, armed higgledy-piggledy with swords, hatchets, snickersnees, crowbars, broomsticks, and what not; the officers distinguished from therest by having their slouched hats cocked up with pins and surmounted withcocktail feathers. 

The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspectas a man would eye the devil, and determined to give his feather-bedsoldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put them through their manualexercise over and over again, trudged them backwards and forwards aboutthe streets of New Amsterdam, until their short legs ached and their fatsides sweated again, and finally encamped them in the evening on thesummit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life, intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But soit came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, andmelted away the army, so that in the morning when Gaffer Phoebus shed hisfirst beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained, excepting PeterStuyvesant and his trumpeter, Van Corlear. 

This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander ofless nerve; but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in themilitia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke--for hesometimes indulged in a joke--William the Testy's broken reed. He now tookinto his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered, broad-bottomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whomhe boasted that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at leastwater-proof. 

He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending acrossthe island from river to river; and above all cast up mud batteries orredoubts on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosomof the bay. 

These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrunby a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elmsand sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build theirnests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees, too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplating thegolden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end towardwhich they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens ofthe town take their evening stroll, watching the silver moon beams as theytrembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail of somegliding bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft vows of honestaffection; for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most ofthe marriages in New Amsterdam. 

Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, The Battery, which, thoughostensibly devoted to the stern purposes of war, has ever been consecratedto the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happychildhood--of many a tender assignation in riper years--of many a soothingwalk in declining age--the healthful resort of the feeble invalid--theSunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman--in fine, the ornament anddelight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, andguarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a heartypinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council ofAmphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander Partridg, atdefiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriorsof New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag--otherwise called Weathersfield, famous for its onions and its witches--and of all the other border towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shoutingaloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests and glorious rummaging ofthe fat little Dutch villages. 

In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received thechilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them inthis righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant, the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous spirit of hisdefiance, though lost upon the grand council of the league, had carriedconviction to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused tobelieve him guilty of the villainous plot laid at his door. [43]

The defection of so important a colony paralysed the councils of theleague. Some such dissension arose among its members as prevailed of yorein the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusadeagainst the Manhattoes was abandoned. 

It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were sorely disappointed;well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified, for, bymy faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict withall the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful heroes of Pyquagwould have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns ofConnecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter andhis robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not have had thestomach to squat on the land, or invade the hen-roost of a Nederlander fora century to come. 

But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their unholycrusade that confounded the councils of the league; for about this timebroke out in the New England provinces the awful plague of witchcraft, which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a howling abominationcould not be suffered to remain long unnoticed; it soon excited the fieryindignation of those guardians of the commonwealth, who whilom had evincedsuch active benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. Thegrand council of the league publicly set their faces against the crime, and bloody laws were enacted against all "solem conversing or compactingwith the devil by the way of conjuracion or the like. "[44] Strict search, too, was made after witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches;by being able to weep but three tears, and those out of the left eye; andby having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks!What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art, which has baffled the studies and researches of philosophers, astrologers, theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant, decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brainsthan the broomsticks they rode upon. 

When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in apanic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow fever, and immediately every headache, indigestion, and overflowing of the bileis pronounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every unluckycur in the street is in jeopardy; so in the present instance, whoever wastroubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched; and woe to anyunlucky old woman living in the neighborhood. 

It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, "for every oneof which, " says the Reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, theHistory of New England, "we have such a sufficient evidence, that noreasonable man in this whole country ever did question them; and it willbe unreasonable to do it in any other. "[45]

Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John Josselyn, gent. , furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. "There are none, "observes he, "that beg in this country, but there be witches toomany--bottle-bellied witches and others, that produce many strangeapparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned withwomen--and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast; theship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden, " etc. 

The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were notmore remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in themost solemn, persuasive and affectionate manner, to confess themselvesguilty, and be burnt for the good of religion, and the entertainment ofthe public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting theirinnocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediatepunishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that theywere in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But theirjudges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none thatwere not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed anyevidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experiencedjudges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughlysatisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them;but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, toquiet those praying quidnuncs who should come after them--in short, theworld must be satisfied. Oh, the world! the world! all the world knows theworld of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The worthy judges, therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting and makingevident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearlyunderstood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums; so that itmay truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace ofthe day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world thatshould come after them. 

Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendlyentreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to themore urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung thetruth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo theroasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some evencarried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture, protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon asthoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious bystandersonly lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished inthe flames. 

In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled bystoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as beingthe evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be ademon by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by measuresequally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. Thewitches were all burnt, banished, or panic-stuck, and in a little whilethere was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England; whichis doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome. Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations graduallyrecovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches, which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheumatism, ciatics, and lumbagos; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study ofthe occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocuspocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning apenny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even untothis day, in their characters; witches occasionally start up among them indifferent disguises, as physicians, civilians and divines. The people atlarge show a keenness, a cleverness and a profundity of wisdom, thatsavors strongly of witchcraft; and it has been remarked, that whenever anystones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble intoNew England. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [43] Hazard's State Papers. 

 [44] New Plymouth Record. 

 [45] Mather's Hist. New Eng. B. Vi. Ch. 7. 

CHAPTER IX. 

When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of theStuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the goodSt. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions whichbroke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft whichfilled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness. 

A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of theeast; the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the soundsof rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silentglen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange voices were heardin solitary places, and the border towns were so occupied in detecting andpunishing losel witches, that for a time all talk of war was suspended, and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten. 

I must not conceal the fact, that at one time there was some danger ofthis plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands; and certainwitches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking inthe air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders; but the worthyNederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to their doors, whichit is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin ofthe kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at this very day onancient mansions and barns, remaining from the days of the patriarchs;nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutchyeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches andYankees out of the country. 

And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to apprehend fromthe east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southernfrontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebootingSwedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part ofthe reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the proclamations ofthat veritable potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan JensenAlpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes, Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the commandof it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen togreat importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if historiesspeak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he andhis warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received morekicks, in a certain honorable part, than any of his comrades; inconsequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he had beenpromoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, andsuffered in his country's cause. 

It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven infuses intosome men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold; into others, ofintellectual silver; while others are intellectually furnished with ironand brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh, and it wouldseem as if Dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brassenough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to passoff upon William the Testy for genuine gold; and the little governor wouldsit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which leftthose of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and theDragon, quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft tothe command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to hisstation by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, always styling himselfCommander-in-Chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands; though in sobertruth these Armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle-bruising ragamuffins. 

In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round: neither did hisbulk proceed from his being fat, but windy; being blown up by a prodigiousconviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags ofwind given by Æolus, in an incredible fit of generosity to that vagabondwarrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the admiration ofAntony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to Williamthe Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general, he had spoiled anadmirable trumpeter. 

As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description ofthe arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word uponthe dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his character, being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, thathe seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within. He was swathed too in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of afishing-net; doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting throughhis ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair ofwell-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce outof a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of alobster. 

I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not thiswarrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen himaccoutred cap-a-pie--booted to the middle--sashed to the chin--collared tothe ears--whiskered to the teeth--crowned with an overshadowing cockedhat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which traileda falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, hestrutted about, as bitter looking a man of war as the far-famed More, ofMore Hall, when he sallied forth to slay the Dragon of Wantley. For whatsays the ballad?

 "Had you but seen him in this dress, How fierce he looked and how big, You would have thought him for to be Some Egyptian porcupig. He frighted all--cats, dogs, and all, Each cow, each horse, and each hog; For fear did flee, for they took him to be Some strange outlandish hedgehog. "[46]

I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity, wasnot exactly an officer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood foremostin the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter, who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had his militarynotions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of provinghis right to his dignities. 

To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the troopsdestined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he departed fromhis station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing hisundaunted march through savage deserts over insurmountable mountains, across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conqueringvast tracts of uninhabited country, and encountering more perils than didXenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians. 

Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent dispatches with a dubiousscrewing of the mouth and shaking of the head; but Antony Van Corlearrepeated these contents in the streets and market-places with anappropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of thegeneral resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam. 

On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh proceeded to erect afortress, or stronghold, on the South of Delaware river. At first hebethought him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor, alowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, militarycommanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to bestudded with the names of political patrons and temporary great men; inthe present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowlydegree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it issaid, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his excellency. 

As this fort will be found to give rise to important events, it may beworth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw-Amstel, and wasthe germ of the present flourishing town of Newcastle, or, more properlyspeaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises. 

His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good tobehold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in and outa dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side andon that; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full regimentals, on the top of the ramparts, like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon, swelling andvaporing on the top of a dovecote. 

There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow unrulyin the stomachs of newly-made soldiers, compelling them to box-lobbybrawls and brokenheaded quarrels, unless there can be found some moreharmless way to give it vent. It is recorded, in the delectable romance ofPierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, didincontinently gallop into an adjacent forest, and belabor the trees withsuch might and main, that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescenceof his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potentand courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner thecommander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hotwithin him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about him mostlustily with his sabre; decapitating cabbages by platoons; hewing downlofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes; and if, perchance, heespied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, "Ah!caitiff Yankees!" would he roar, "have I caught ye at last?" So saying, with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables fromtheir chins to their waist-bands; by which warlike havoc, his choler beingin some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the fullconviction that he was a very miracle of military prowess. 

He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unluckysoldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade;or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having oneday, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and hismelancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country aboundingwith forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe; hetherefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of bothofficers and men throughout the garrison. 

Now so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran namedKeldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not alittle resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a queuelike the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head thathis eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up tothe top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessorof so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemningit to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempestof veteran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums--swore he wouldbreak any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail--queued itstiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as thetail of a crocodile. 

The eelskin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of theutmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officernot to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination andgood order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlands, the consequent safety ofthe whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of theirHigh Mightinesses the Lords States General, imperiously demanded thedocking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that oldKeldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of thewhole garrison--the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive-whereuponhe was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, andall the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending witha "videlicet, in wearing an eelskin queue, three feet long, contrary toorders. " Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings; and thewhole garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it iswell known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of actingpretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteranwould have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill ofa fever, through mere chagrin and mortification--and deserted from allearthly command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remainedunshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should becarried to his grave with his eelskin queue sticking out of a hole in hiscoffin. 

This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as adisciplinarian; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject tobad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly spectrumof old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the handle. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [46] Ballad of Dragon of Wantley. 

_BOOK VI. _

CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HISGALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE. 

CHAPTER I. 

Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee theadministration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine ofpeace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now thewar-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note, and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of comingtroubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose--from golden visionsand voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet "piping time of peace, " hesought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in Beauty's siren lapreclined he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows; no more entwineswith flowers his shining sword nor through the livelong lazy summer's daychants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurnsthe amorous flute, doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, andclothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, wherelate the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rearsthe beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the bright shield, and shakesthe ponderous lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burnsfor deeds of glorious chivalry. 

But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine that any _preuxchevalier_, thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of NewAmsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroicwriters always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposingaspect; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, andsuch-like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchancethey had never seen or heard of; in the same manner that a cunningstatuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of aCæsar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratoricalflourish is this: that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden foundit necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in itsscabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, inwhich his mighty soul so much delighted. 

Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination; or rather, Ibehold his goodly portrait, which still hangs in the family mansion of theStuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. Hisregimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show oflarge brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin; thevoluminous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantlybehind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-coloredtrunk-breeches, a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of ourday, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, whoscorned to defend themselves in rear. His face, rendered exceedingterrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios; his hair strutting outon each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tailqueue below his waist; a shining stock of black leather supporting hischin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and fieryair over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter theHeadstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on hissolid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver a little inadvance, in order to strengthen his position, his right hand grasping agold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword, his headdressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favoredfrown upon his brow, he presented altogether one of the most commanding, bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas. Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation. 

In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort Casimir, and of the merciless warfare waged by its commander upon cabbages, sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword. Now it came to pass that higher up the Delaware, at his stronghold ofTinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled himself Governor of NewSweden. If history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthyof the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir; for Master DavidPieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, describes him as"weighing upwards of four hundred pounds, " a huge feeder, and bouser inproportion, taking three potations, pottle-deep, at every meal. He had agarrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, guzzling, deep-drinkingswashbucklers, who made the wild woods ring with their carousals. 

No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of FortCasimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off theland, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction. 

To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land belonged to theirHigh Mightinesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives asdiscoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their landmeasurer, Ten Broeck. 

To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold bythe Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petticoatgovernment of her Swedish majesty, Christina; and woe be to any mortalthat wore a breeches who should dare to meddle even with the hem of hersacred garment. 

I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some timeby these windy commanders; Van-Poffenburgh, however, had served underWilliam the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare. GovernorPrintz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots, nowdetermined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly he descended theriver in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just oneSwedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the name of Helsenburg. 

And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughtycommanders, striving to outstrut and outswell each other, like a couple ofbelligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up thetallest flag-staff and display the broadest flag; all day long there was afurious rolling of drums and twanging of trumpets in either fortress, and, whichever had the wind in its favor, would keep up a continual firing ofcannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gunpowder. 

On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched;but so it happened that the Swedish fortress being lower down the river, all the Dutch vessels, bound to Fort Casimir with supplies, had to passit. Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance, andcompelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of hisbattery. 

This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh, andsorely would he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casimir he beheld theflag of their High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress. To heightenhis vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a hugetrencherman, took the liberty of having the first rummage of every Dutchmerchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison all thelittle round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the gingerbread, thesweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the other Dutchluxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible hemay have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their commodities, but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh and his garrison, who thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and diverted into thelarders of the hostile camps? For some time this war of the cupboard wascarried on to the great festivity and jollification of the Swedes, whilethe warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs, daily failing them. At length the summer heats and summer showers set in, and now, lo and behold! a great miracle was wrought for the relief of theNederlands, not a little resembling one of the plagues of Egypt; for itcame to pass that a great cloud of mosquitos arose out of the marshyborders of the river, and settled upon the fortress of Helsenburg, beingdoubtless attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of the Swedishgormandisers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which wasas big and as full of blood as that of a prize ox, was sufficient toattract the mosquito from every part of the country. For some time thegarrison endeavored to hold out, but it was all in vain; the mosquitospenetrated into every chink and crevice, and gave them no rest day nornight; and as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, withmosquito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to the very end of hisnose. Finally, the garrison was fairly driven out of the fortress, andobliged to retreat to Tinnekonk; nay, it is said that the mosquitosfollowed Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out of thecountry; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden shortly afterward, and JanClaudius Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead. 

Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, of which General VanPoffenburgh would fain have been the hero; but the devout people of theNieuw-Nederlands always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to themiraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of Helsenburg, it fell to ruin, but the story of its strange destruction was perpetuatedby the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquito Castle. [47]

FOOTNOTES:

 [47] Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some notices of this miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N. Y. Hist. Col. , new series, vol. I. , p. 412. 

CHAPTER II. 

Jan Claudius Risingh, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, loomslargely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not beenrather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of aSamson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal, ascrafty as he was rapacious, so that there is very little doubt that, hadhe lived some four or five centuries since, he would have figured as oneof those wicked giants, who took a cruel pleasure in pocketing beautifulprincesses and distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, andlocking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen, or any other convenience. In consequence of which enormities they fellunder the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallantknights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant theymight happen to find above six feet high; which is doubtless one reasonwhy the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latterages are so exceedingly small. 

Governor Risingh, not withstanding his giantly condition, was, as I havehinted, a man of craft. He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of GeneralVan Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against the grain. On thecontrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir, displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. Thesalute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns beendismounted; as it was, a veteran sentinel who had been napping at hispost, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment bydischarging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade. Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated thefortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to bemarvelously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them somany acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to land with amilitary retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilderness. 

And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, toreceive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposingappearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped tothe best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do duty, by turns, with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in alittle man's coat, with the buttons between his shoulders; the skirtsscarce covering his bottom; his hands hanging like spades out of thesleeves; and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pairof red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head, and decorated with a bunch of cocks' tails; a third had a pair of rustygaiters hanging about his heels; while a fourth, a little duck-leggedfellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's cast-off breeches, whichhe held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other. Therest were accoutred in similar style, excepting three ragamuffins withoutshirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them; whereforethey were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, that theymight not disgrace the fortress. 

His men being thus gallantly arrayed--those who lacked musketsshouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck inhis shirttail and pull up his brogues--General Van Poffenburgh first tooka sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More, ofMore Hall, [48] was his invariable practice on all great occasions; thisdone, he put himself at their head, and issued forth from his castle likea mighty giant just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met, then began a scene of warlike parade that beggars all description. Theshrewd Risingh, who had grown grey much before his time, in consequenceof his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great VanPoffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous fantasies. 

Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other, theycarried arms and they presented arms, they gave the standing salute andthe passing salute, they rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes, and they waved their colors; they faced to the left, and they faced to theright, and they faced to the right about; they wheeled forward, and theywheeled backward, and they wheeled into echelon; they marched and theycountermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and bysubdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files; in quick time, inslow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all theevolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres ofDundas; having exhausted all that they could recollect or image ofmilitary tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions, thelike of which were never seen before or since, excepting among certain ofour newly-raised militia, the two commanders and their respective troopscame at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war. Never did two valiant train-band captains, or two buskined theatricheroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any otherheroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged, heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration. 

These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburghescorted his illustrious visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort, attended him throughout the fortifications, showed him the horn-works, crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks, or rather the placeswhere they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if hepleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of "great capability, "and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently aformidable fortress in embryo. This survey over, he next had the wholegarrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed, and concluded byordering the three Bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole, brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged for the amusement of hisvisitors, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian. 

The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright withthe puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of theincompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a wink to his trustyfollowers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstreperouslyin their sleeves. 

The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjournedto the table; for, among his other great qualities, the general wasremarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaignwould leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the wholecourse of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodlessvictories do still remain on record, and the whole province was oncethrown in amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it wasstated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to backhim, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterlyannihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousandcabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fiftykilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-fivepipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron, besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden stuff: anachievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and hisall-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let VanPoffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a littlewhile they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants. 

No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit ofGovernor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, andprivately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans to roball the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigstyes undercontribution: a service which they discharged with such zeal andpromptitude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of theirspoils. 

I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant VanPoffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet: it was a sightworth beholding: there he sat in his greatest glory, surrounded by hissoldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtueshe did most ably imitate, telling astounding stories of his hair-breadthadventures and heroic exploits; at which, though all his auditors knewthem to be incontinent lies and outrageous gasconades, yet did they castup their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections of astonishment. Nor could the general pronounce anything that bore the remotestresemblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fistupon the table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in thechair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horribly it wasthe best joke he ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry andhideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburghply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself and hiswhole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain, dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotictoasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea inChancery. 

No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh and his Swedes, whohad cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied themneck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort and all itsdependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering atthe same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could bemade sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications inorder, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schute, otherwisecalled Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command, and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and itspuissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, boreno little resemblance to a "deboshed fish, " or bloated sea-monster, caughtupon dry land. 

The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission ofintelligence to New Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh exulted inhis stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy PeterStuyvesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood as didwhilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies theTurks. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [48] "As soon as he rose, To make him strong and mighty, He drank by the tale, six pots of ale, And a quart of aqua vitæ. "

 _Dragon of Wantley. _

CHAPTER III. 

Whoever first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sagersex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain femininequalities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxietyto take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually huntingafter secrets and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openlyand in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of; butwhenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shroudedin mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wits' end to find it out, andtakes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to theworld. 

It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually to beprying into the cabinets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senatechambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our worthycongress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozenexcellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her sobaneful to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders--such astumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions; betrayingthem by means and instruments which never would have been thought of byany but a female head. 

Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt thecunning Risingh imagined, that, by securing the garrison he should for along time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of thegallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he leastexpected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected ofenlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity. 

This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to thegarrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to beself-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark aboutthe world, as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest theskirts of society like poachers and interlopers. Every garrison andcountry village has one or more scapegoats of this kind, whose life is akind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lordknows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for noother earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order ofidleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian bloodin his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian complexion and castof countenance, but more especially by his propensities and habits. He wasa tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was generallyequipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasins. Hishair hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and added not a littleto his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indianmixture, are half civilized, half savage, and half devil--a third halfbeing provided for their particular convenience. It is for similarreasons, and probably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentuckyare styled half man, half horse, and half alligator by the settlers on theMississippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhorrence. 

The above character may have presented itself to the garrison asapplicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk. Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one--was an utter enemy towork, holding it in no manner of estimation--but lounging about the fort, depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he couldget liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day ortwo he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors;which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scruplednot to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented. Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond fromthe garrison, and be absent for a month at a time; skulking about thewoods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying inambush for game, or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond catchingfish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notablebird of the crane family, yclept the mudpoke. When he thought his crimeshad been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with abundle of skins or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, andwould exchange them for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcase, he would lie in the sun, and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of thatswinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards inthe country, into which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he wouldmake his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the wholeneighborhood at his heels; like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected inhis maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler; andfrom the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, andfrom his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever havedreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh. 

When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the bravePoffenburgh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room toroom, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound whom nobodynoticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people, his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings heoverheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in hisown mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played theperfect jack-of-both-sides--that is to say, he made a prize of everythingthat came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cockedhat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair ofRisingh's jack-boots under his arms, and took to his heels, just beforethe catastrophe and confusion at the garrison. 

Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, hedirected his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he hadformerly been obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence ofmisfortune in business--that is to say, having been detected in the act ofsheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling throughswamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and encountering a worldof hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, abackwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lankas a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddledover to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired to GovernorStuyvesant, and in more words than he had ever spoken before in the wholecourse of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair. 

On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from hisseat--dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of thechimney--thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek--pulledup his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as wascustomary with him when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. But, asI have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing. His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stumpupstairs to a huge wooden chest which served as his armory, from whence hedrew forth that identical suit of regimentals described in the precedingchapter. In these portentous habiliment she arrayed himself, like Achillesin the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appalling silence, knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth. Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor, and jerked downhis trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended;but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and ashis eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his ironvisage; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for fivelong weeks; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soonbe warm work in the province!

Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, hisvery cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly puthimself upon the alert, and dispatched Antony Van Corlear hither andthither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crookedlanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers toassemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters, according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle, shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, andstumping up and downstairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessantmotion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times, the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooperhooping a flour-barrel. 

A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was notto be trifled with; the sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber, seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and lighting their longpipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his excellency and hisregimentals; being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment with alofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of hissword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue. 

I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides, Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told, with the speeches of all their heroes taken down in short-hand by the mostaccurate stenographers of the time, whereby they were enabled wonderfullyto enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strainsof eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possiblypronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap hisrugged subject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trickeries ofphrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned toshrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter invery deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing hisdetermination to lead on his troops in person, and rout thesecostard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To thishardy resolution, such of his council as were awake gave their usualsignal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about themiddle of the harangue (their "usual custom in the afternoon"), they madenot the least objection. 

And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle andpreparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions ofthe Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory; for Iwould have you note that you warlike heroes who trudge in the rear ofconquerors are generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who areequal candidates for the army or the bridewell, the halberds or thewhipping-post, for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die whether theyshall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen. 

But, not withstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks ofhonor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers ofNew Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond thathome which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the greatPeter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war, and sweet revenge, determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oilycitizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought upamong woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilousexpeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trustysquire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and dulyvictualed; which being performed, he attended public service at the greatchurch of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor; and then leavingperemptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoesmarshaled out and appointed against his return, departed upon hisrecruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson. 

CHAPTER IV. 

Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face ofnature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolificwarmth, when that miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the dauntlessPeter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from thefair island of Manna-hata. The galley in which he embarked wassumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, whichfluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of thestream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight, after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids withperiwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowersthe like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being thematchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer, unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood anddiscolorers of canvas. 

Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of theManhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosomof the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean, seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of theillustrious burden it sustained. 

But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to thecontemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at thisdegenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of thismighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the darkforest and tamed the features of the landscape, nor had the frequent sailof commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Hereand there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of themountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparentatmosphere, but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savagechildren, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost asfaintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azurevault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice, the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as itpassed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound awayinto the thickets of the forest. 

Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Nowdid they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which sprang uplike everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and werefashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mightyspirit of Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyesof mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of TappanBay, whose wide extended shores present a variety of delectable scenery;here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing intothe bay; there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in richluxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, while at a distance, a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across thewater. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, openingamong these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protectioninto the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a ruralparadise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties; the velvet-tuftedlawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the freshand vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter. 

The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunningmagic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovialsun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems; while along theborders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which, like midnightcaitiffs, disturbed at his reproach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling insullen reluctance upon the mountains. As such times all was brightness, and life, and gayety; the atmosphere was of an indescribable pureness andtransparency; the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and thefreshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when thesun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and theearth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, andmagnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast; theseamen, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in thatinvoluntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in therudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffledmirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens; excepting that nowand then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with paintedsavages, whose gay feathers glared brightly, as perchance a lingering rayof the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains. 

But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then didthe face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthyheart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker areinexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed justserved to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery. The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern, in the broadmasses of shade, the separating line between the land and water, or todistinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did thebusy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industriouscraft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocksfrowned upon the watery waste, in the semblance of lofty towers, and highembattled castles; trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, andthe inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousandshadowy beings. 

Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety ofinsects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert;while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whip-poor-will, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with hisincessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listenedwith pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguelyechoed from the shore--now and then startled, perchance, by the whoop ofsome straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forthupon his nightly prowlings. 

Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon thoseawful defiles denominated the Highlands, where it would seem that thegigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling upcliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. Butin sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capped mountains. These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manethoconfined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound inadamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderousrocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the conquering Hudson, inits career toward the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling itstide triumphantly through the stupendous ruins. 

Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes; and these itis, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resoundthroughout these awful solitudes, which are nothing but their angryclamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For whenthe elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and thethunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubledspirits, making the mountains to re-bellow with their hideous uproar; forat such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returningonce more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerablecaptivity. 

But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallantStuyvesant; nought occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proudanticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew troubletheir heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at thehelm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, orto come; those of his comrades who were not industriously smoking underthe hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear, who, seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvelous history ofthose myriads of fireflies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon thedusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a raceof pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long beforethe memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically calledbrimstones; and who, for their innumerable sins against the children ofmen, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed toinfest the earth in the shade of these threatening and terrible littlebugs; enduring the internal torments of that fire, which they formerlycarried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now aresentenced to bear about for ever--in their tails!

And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers willhesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe aword in this whole history--for nothing which it contains is more true. Itmust be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a verylusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain ofGolconda, being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other preciousstones, the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchusgrants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened, that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed hisburly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the galley, contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment theillustrious sun, breaking in all his splendor from behind a high bluff ofthe Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon therefulgent nose of the sounder of brass; the reflection of which shotstraightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mightysturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster being withinfinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all thecrew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound, where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity, was thefirst time that ever sturgeon was eaten in those parts by Christianpeople. [49]

When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant, and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed, marveled exceedingly: and as a monument thereof, he gave the name ofAntony's Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood; and it hascontinued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time. 

But hold, whither am I wandering? By the mass, if I attempt to accompanythe good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end; fornever was there a voyage so fraught with marvelous incidents, nor a riverso abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severallyrecorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crewwere most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the Highlands, by agang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock, which projected into the river, and which is called the Duyvel'sDans-Kamer to this very day. But no! Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomesthee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. 

Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over thesefairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and thecharms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thychildhood--recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting momentswhich should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time, relentless Time!shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass beforethee?--hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be runere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes. 

Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyalcrew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt, will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the greatcity of New Amsterdam. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [49] The learned Hans Megapolonsis, treating of the country about Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the settlement thereof, says, "There is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily. "

CHAPTER V. 

While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up theshores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutchsettlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriorswas assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluablefragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonlyparticular; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious hostthat encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at presentdenominated the Bowling Green. 

In the center, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of themanhattoes, who being the inmates of the metropolis, composed thelifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant StoffelBrinkerhoff, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay;they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, beingthe arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and theamphibious origin of the Nederlanders. [50]

On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer, Michael Paw[51], who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia, and the lands away south, even unto the Navesink Mountains, [52] and was, moreover, patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trustysquire, Cornelius Van Vorst, consisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon asea-green field, being the armorial bearings of his favorite metropolis, Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavilyarmed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, andovershadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in theirhat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores ofPavonia, being of the race of genuine copper-heads, and were fabled tohave sprung from oysters. 

At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from theneighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams and theVan Dams, incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken; they wereterrible looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of thatcurious colored cloth called thunder and lightning, and bore as a standardthree devil's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored field. 

Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of theWaale-Boght[53] and the country thereabouts; these were of a sour aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They werethe first institutors of that honorable order of knighthood, calledFlymarket shirks; and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce thefar-famed step in dancing, called "double trouble. " They were commanded bythe fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had, moreover, a jolly band ofBreuckelen[54] ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells. 

But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on todescribe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, andsundry other places, well known in history and song--for now do the notesof martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar frombeyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little whilerelieved; for, lo! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they recognizedthe brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of PeterStuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at thehead of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of theHudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesantmanuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces, as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by thehead of Wall Street. 

First of all came the Van Brummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders ofthe Bronx: these were short fat men, wearing exceeding largetrunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher; they were thefirst inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marchedthe Van Vlotens, or Kaats-kill, horrible quavers of new cider, and arrantbraggarts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopusbreed; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came theword Peltry. Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'nests, as their name denotes; to these, if report may be believed, are weindebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the VanHigginbottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferrules andbirchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered themarvelous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect. Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fairround little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of theircanteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson andthereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats: such as robbingwater-melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, andby being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails; these were the ancestors ofthe renowned congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing, great choristers and players upon the jewsharp; these marched two and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens of SleepyHollow; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who firstdiscovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pintbottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of theCroton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of fortheir skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, ofNyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick with the leftfoot; they were gallant bush-whackers and hunters of raccoons bymoonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, andnoted for running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns; theywere the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came theKnickerbockers, of the great town of Schaghtikoke, where the folk laystones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown away. These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker, agoblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but, in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken, books; plainlymeaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books; from them diddescend the writer of this history. 

Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grandgate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscript, indeed, speaks of manymore, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hastento matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martialpride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host ofwarriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of hismuch-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir. 

But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events, which will befound in the sequel of this faithful history, let us pause to notice thefate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of thearmies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness ofhuman nature that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorablediscomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were setafloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in realitya treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander; that he had longbeen in the practice of privately communicating with the Swedes; togetherwith divers hints about "secret service money. " To all which deadlycharges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve. 

Certain it is that the general vindicated his character by the mostvehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks ofhonor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to NewAmsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearersat his heels--sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, andwho were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice--heroes ofhis own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-lookingswaggerers--not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarreled all hisquarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every manthat turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour himalive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns, and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thunderingexecration, like a patriotic toast honored with a discharge of artillery. 

All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincingcertain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero, ofunmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul; particularly as he wascontinually protesting on the honor of a soldier--a marvelouslyhigh-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went sofar as to propose they should immortalise him by an imperishable statue ofplaster of Paris. 

But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sendingprivately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heardall his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejaculations--"Harkee, comrade, " cried he, "though by your ownaccount you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the wholeprovince, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced, and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish aman for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totallyinnocent of the crimes laid to your charge; yet as heaven, doubtless forsome wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of yourinnocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, Icannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise, nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust. Retire therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of publiclife, with this comforting reflection--that if guilty, you are butenjoying your just reward--and if innocent, you are not the first greatand good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in thiswicked world--doubtless to be better treated in a better world, wherethere shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime, let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to thecountenances of unfortunate great men like yourself. "

FOOTNOTES:

 [50] This was likewise a great seal of the New Netherlands, as may still be seen in ancient records. 

 [51] Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS. , I have found mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript, which says, "De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about 10th Aug. , 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island. N. B. --The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch call a colonie at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York: and his overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst. "

 [52] So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink, or Neversunk, mountains. 

 [53] Since corrupted into the Wallabout, the bay where the navy-yard is situated. 

 [54] Now spelt Brooklyn. 

CHAPTER VI. 

As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever aconfederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into itis meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury alldifferences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the endof the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely Ihave altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. Iwarrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent little son ofa Dutchman; for I scarcely ever gave them a civil word, nor so much astouched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we joggedalong together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse, until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind ofregard for them. This is just my way--I am always a little cold andreserved at first, particularly to people whom I neither know nor care forand am only to be completely won by long intimacy. 

Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-doacquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many weremerely attracted by a new face; and having stared me full in the titlepage walked off without saying a word; while others lingered yawninglythrough the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one, but more especially to try their mettle, Ihad recourse to an expedient, similar to one which, we are told, was usedby that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur; who, before he admittedany knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himselfsuperior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say aword of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle didI cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knottychapters, where they were most woefully belabored and buffeted by a hostof pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very graveman, yet could I scarce refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utterconfusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead(asleep) on the field; others threw down my book in the middle of thefirst chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until theyhad fairly run it out of sight; when they stopped to take breath, to telltheir friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all othersfrom venturing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranksmore and more; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but acomparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly batteredcondition, through the five introductory chapters. 

What, then! would you have had me take such sunshine, faint-heartedrecreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No--no; I reserved myfriendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore mecompany, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as tothose who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the hand. Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried comrades! who havefaithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings--I salute youfrom my heart--I pledge myself to stand by you to the last; and to conductyou (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between myfingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking. 

But, hark! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in abustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are strikingtheir tents; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin toresound with portentous clangour--the drums beat--the standards of theManhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw wave proudly in the air. Andnow behold where the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails ofyon topsail schooner and those clump-built sloops which are to waft thearmy of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware!

The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out tobehold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previousto embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows, many afair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. Thegrief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Grenada could not havebeen more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe ofAbencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Amsterdamon the departure of their intrepid warriors. Every love-sick maiden fondlycrammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and doughnuts; many acopper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge ofeternal constancy: and there remain extant to this day some love verseswritten on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incomprehensible toconfound the whole universe. 

But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses how they hung about thedoughty Antony Van Corlear; for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lustybachelor, fond of his joke, and withall a desperate rogue among the women. Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away, forbesides what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to add that hewas a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comfortingdisconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands; and this made himto be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothingcould keep the valiant Antony from following the heels of the oldgovernor, whom he loved as he did his very soul: so embracing all theyoung vrouws, and giving every one of them, that had good teeth and rosylips, a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes. 

Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes ofpublic distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to thefollies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he hadbecome strangely popular among the people. There is something socaptivating in personal bravery that, with the common mass of mankind, ittakes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Amsterdamlooked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, thattrophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence andadmiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tellabout the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his childrenof a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight andexaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures ofold General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed, Old Put) during ourglorious revolution. 

Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match forBeelzebub himself; and there was even a story told, with great mystery, and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet onedark stormy night as he was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate; but thisI do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would letfall a drop to discolor the pure stream of history!

Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered PeterStuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the publicwelfare was secure, so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising, then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavyhearts they dragged at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to theriverside to embark. The governor from the stern of his schooner gave ashort but truly patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein herecommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects--to go tochurch regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the weekbesides. That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to theirhusbands--looking after nobody's concerns but their own, eschewing allgossipings and morning gaddings, and carrying short tongues and longpetticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in publicconcerns, intrusting the cares of government to the officers appointed tosupport them--staying at home, like good citizens, making money forthemselves, and getting children for the benefit of the country. That theburgomasters should look well to the public interest--not oppressing thepoor nor indulging the rich--not tasking their ingenuity to devise newlaws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made--ratherbending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it; everrecollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more asguardians of public morals than ratcatchers, employed to entrap publicdelinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, richand poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them thatif they faithfully and conscientiously complied with this golden rule, there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves wellenough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Anthonysounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up ashout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down thebay. 

The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery--that blestresort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many afair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick damsel, after the lessening barque, bearing her adventurous swain to distantclimes! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallantsquadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening landat the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silenttongues and downcast countenances. 

A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city; the honest burghers smokedtheir pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful look to theweathercock on the church of St. Nicholas; and all the old women, havingno longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered theirchildren home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sundown. 

In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously onits voyage, and after encountering about as many storms, and waterspouts, and whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as generally befalladventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind; and after undergoinga severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady, calledsea-sickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. 

Without so much as dropping anchor, and giving his wearied ships time tobreathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursuedhis course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before FortCasimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast fromthe trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone ofthunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte, the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, byreason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through abroken bellows--"that he had no very strong reason for refusing, exceptthat the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered tomaintain his post to the last extremity. " He requested time, therefore, toconsult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose. 

The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherouslytaken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposedarmistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacredfire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in tenminutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison runthe gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickledshad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trustysword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion thatdoubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightenedterror into the eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men tobring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, threemuskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two braces of horse-pistols. 

In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshaled all his forces, andcommenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a veryBoreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet--the lustychoristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle--thewarriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astoundingblast on their conch shells, altogether forming as outrageous a concertoas though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in amodern overture. 

Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote thegarrison with sore dismay--or whether the concluding terms of the summons, which mentioned that he should surrender "at discretion, " were mistaken bySuen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-temperedman, as a compliment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say;certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand. Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had goneafter a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on therampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction ofboth parties; who, not withstanding their great stomach for fighting, hadfull as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange blackeyes and bloody noses. 

Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination oftheir High Mightinesses; Skytte and his garrison of twenty men wereallowed to march out with the honors of war; and the victorious Peter, whowas as generous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all theirarms and ammunition--the same on inspection being found totally unfit forservice, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even beforeit was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh. But I mustnot omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the serviceof his faithful squire Van Corlear, in the reduction of this greatfortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in thevicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook untothis very day. 

The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards the Swedesoccasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam; nay, certainfactious individuals, who had been enlightened by political meetings inthe days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge theirmeddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now emboldened byhis absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heardin the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam; and there is no knowingwhether they might not have broken out into downright speeches andinvectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walking-stickto be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst ofhis counsellors, who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever afterheld their peace. 

CHAPTER VII. 

Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonfulof turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfoldquickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while hisprojecting eyes rolled greedily round, devouring everything at table; sodid the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger for martial glory, which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, therefore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina. [55]

This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as itis improperly termed, creek) of the same name; and here that craftygovernor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a grey-bearded spider inthe citadel of his web. 

But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meetingof two such potent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, andhold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed intoprecipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by thegeneral and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engagedthe enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers byanimating harangues; spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them ofthe protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in theprowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention andenlist the passions of his readers; and having set them all on fire withthe importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight. 

An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror ofhistorians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out ofthe Peloponnesian War, one of his commentators observes that "he soundsthat charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues theallies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages ourattention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going tobe decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself isinterested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to laborwith the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out. Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states;and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a greatand noble method. "

In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril:having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions, surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, at thisimportant moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that areto follow. 

And here I would premise one great advantage, which, as historian, Ipossess over my reader; and this it is, that though I cannot save the lifeof my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (bothwhich liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the presentreign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I cannow and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficientto fell a giant; though, in honest truth, he may never have done anythingof the kind; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round thefield, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroonround the walls of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered oneanother in the Elysian Fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had tomake the most humble apology. 

I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out, "foulplay!" whenever I render a little assistance to my hero; but I consider itone of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one whichhas never been disputed. An historian is in fact, as it were, bound inhonor to stand by his hero--the fame of the latter is intrusted to hishands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there ageneral, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving an account ofany battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy; and I have nodoubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements, they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount. Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me todo them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happento be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of theirdescendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to takefair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. 

Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses! My pen hath longitched for a battle--siege after siege have I carried on without blows orbloodshed; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven andSt. Nicholas that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian did everrecord a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are nowabout to engage. 

And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, Icould cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy--trust thefate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me; for by the rood, come what may, I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him drive about theselosels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreantCornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fightanother battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberlySwedes pay for it. 

No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Forth Christina, than heproceeded without delay to entrench himself, and immediately on runninghis first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortressto surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinkedat the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish andonions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes werehere uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of GovernorRisingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with aleathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set offwith a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair offoxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of theColossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himselfwith a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him tomake a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly thegrisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, thegrim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his mosthard-favored contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at theglass. 

This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, anddemanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a fewwords, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from hisexcellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with arecapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concludingwith a peremptory demand of instant surrender; which done, he turnedaside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendousblast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, which it haddoubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with thatmelodious instrument. 

Governor Risingh heard him through trumpet and all, but with infiniteimpatience; leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel ofhis sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snappinghis fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that PeterStuyvesant and his summons might go to the d----, whither he hoped to sendhim and his crew of ragamuffins before supper time. Then unsheathing hisbrass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard, "'Fore gad, " quoth he, "but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a scabbard of thesmoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman. " Then having flung afierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of hismessenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal, with all theceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador, of sogreat a commander; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissedwith a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message. 

No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply, than he letfly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infalliblyhave battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder magazineabout the ears of the fiery Swede had not the ramparts been remarkablystrong, and the magazine bomb proof. Perceiving that the works withstoodthis terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible, as it really wasin those unphilosophic days, to carry on a war with words, he ordered hismerry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strangemurmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the VanBummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man toman, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. Foronce in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale; for heverily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of periloustrial, and thus to tarnish forever the fame of the province of NewNetherlands. 

But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion hedeeply wronged this most undaunted army; for the cause of this agitationand uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand, and itwould almost have broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors tohave broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, itwas an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a fullstomach, and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance thatthey came to be so renowned in arms. 

And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less heartycomrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with thecontents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of theircanteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to be thelast. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advisemy readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter toa close; giving them my word of honor that no advantage shall be taken ofthis armistice to surprise, or in anywise molest the honest Nederlanderswhile at their vigorous repast. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [55] At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post road to Baltimore. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

"Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast, " and finding themselveswonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, expectation nowstood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the affray, like a round-bellied alderman watchingthe combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of allmankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Cristina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about theheavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peepbetween the unmannerly clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. Thehistorians filled their inkhorns; the poets went without their dinners, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they couldnot get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave to seeitself outdone; while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasyof retrospection on the eventful field. 

The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the "affair" of Troy, now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, ormingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have afinger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmithto have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by herchastity to patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trullparaded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as asergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully Mars stuck twohorse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantlyswaggered at their elbow as a drunken corporal, while Apollo trudged intheir rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune. 

On the other side the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyesover night, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed herhaughty beauties on a baggage wagon; Minerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, tacked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, inexceeding bad Dutch, (having but lately studied the language), by way ofkeeping up the spirits of the soldiers; while Vulcan halted as aclub-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. Allwas silent awe or bustling preparation, war reared his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristlingbayonets. 

And now the mighty chieftains marshaled out their hosts. Here stood stoutRisingh, firm as a thousand rocks, incrusted with stockades and intrenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined thebreastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, andhis hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above theramparts like a grisly death's head. 

There came on the intrepid Peter, his brows knit, his teeth set, his fistsclenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the firethat raged within his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear trudgedvaliantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red andyellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were theVan Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks; the Van Nesses, the VanTassels, the Van Grolls; the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the VanBlarcoms; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams; the Van Pelts, theVan Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Hornes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the VanBummels; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the VanderLyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles; there came the Hoffmans, the Hooglands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, theHogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, theOnderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, theBrinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the TenBreecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whosenames are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it wouldbe impossible for man to utter--all fortified with a mighty dinner, and, to use the words of a great Dutch poet, "Brimful of wrath and cabbage. "

For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, andmounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhortingthem to fight like _duyvels_, and assuring them that if they conquered, they should get plenty of booty; if they fell, they should be allowed thesatisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service oftheir country; and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribedin the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the othergreat men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he sworeto them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt itfor a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, orplaying craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of itlike a snake in spring time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, hebrandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound acharge, and shouting the words, "St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes!"courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed theinterval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke. 

The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire untilthey could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood inhorrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascendedthe glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley that thevery hills quaked around, and were terrified even into an incontinence ofwater, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, whichcontinue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would havebitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting Minervakindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usualcustom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads at the momentof discharge. 

The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and fallingtooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seenprodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdyStoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staff like the giant Blanderonhis oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming ahorrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were theVan Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were sojustly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men ofSing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the great songof St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent on amarauding party, laying waste the neighboring water-melon patches. 

In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Anthony's Nose, struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed ina defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. Soalso the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking withthe left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence ofthe hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter routbut for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of theHoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must Iomit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for agood quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedishdrummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he wouldinfallibly have annihilated on the spot, but that he had come into thebattle with no other weapon but his trumpet. 

But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger andthe fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van Pelts ofEsopus, together with the Van Riepers and the Van Brunts, bearing down allbefore them; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward withmany a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad intheir thunder and lightning gaberdines; and, lastly, the standard-bearersand body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of theManhattoes. 

And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddeningferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion, and self-abandonment ofwar. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. Theheavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns;whack! went the broad-swords! thump! went the cudgels; crash! went themusket-strocks; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloodynoses swelling the horrors of the scene! Thick thwack, cut and hack, helter skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough andtumble! Dunder and blixum! swore the Dutchmen; splitter and splutter!cried the Swedes. Storm the works, shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire themine, roared stout Risingh. Tanta-ra-ra-ra! twanged the trumpet of AntonyVan Corlear, until all voice and sound became unintelligible; grunts ofpain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits; andeven Christina Creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill inbreathless terror!

Long hung the contest doubtful; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent bythe "cloud-compelling Jove, " in some measure cooled their ardor, as dotha bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they butpause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just atthis juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rollingtoward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing inmute astonishment until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed theflaunting banner of Michael Paw, the patroon of Communipaw. That valiantchieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fedPavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, whohad remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. Thesenow trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned; but marchingexceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. 

And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders, having unthinkingly left the field and stepped into a neighboring tavernto refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe hadwell-night ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained thefront of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at thisassault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderouswarriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants, broke throughthe ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in thesurge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipawwas trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-sternedfugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear, and applying their feet _aparte poste_ of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor thatprodigiously accelerated their movements; nor did the renowned Michael Pawhimself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations ofshoe leather. 

But what, O Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he sawhis army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar, enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up newcourage at the sound; or rather, they rallied at the voice of theirleader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes inChristendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, swordin hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievementsworthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrankbefore him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into the own ditch; but, as he pushed forward singly with headlongcourage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blowfull at his heart; but the protecting power which watches over the greatand the good turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it to a sidepocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like theshield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from bearing theportrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like anangry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeasurablequeue, "Ah, whoreson caterpillar, " roared he, "here's what shall makeworms' meat of thee!" So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blowthat would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struckshort, and shaved the queue for ever from his crown. At this moment anarquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim;but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter, seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows, who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the primingfrom the touch-hole. 

Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying the field fromthe top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, andkicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion, and uttering athousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some suchthundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when hestrode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans. 

When the rival heroes came face to face, each made prodigious start, inthe style of a veteran stage champion. Then did they regard each other fora moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of aclapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, theninto another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the rightside, then on the left; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in thisdireful encounter--an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles ofAjax with Hector, of Aeneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy ofWarwick and Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owenof the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports andholiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching hisopportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the verychine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly, that glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which hecarried his liquor: thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off adeep coat pocket, stored with bread and cheese which provant rolling amongthe armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes andDutchmen, and made the general battle wax ten times more furious thanever. 

Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The bitingsteel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked thecrown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but thebrittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet, shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly visage. 

The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up his eyes, beheld athousands suns, beside moons and stars, dancing about the firmament; atlength, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came onhis seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, andmight have wrecked his frame had he not been received into a cushionsofter than velvet, which Providence or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or somekindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception. 

The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all trueknights, that "fair play is a jewel, " hastened to take advantage of thehero's fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesantdealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chimeof bells ringing triple bob majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swedestaggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol whichlay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Letnot my reader mistake; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powderand ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with adouble dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlearcarried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had droppedfrom his wallet during his furious encounter with the drummer. The hideousweapon sang through the air, and true to its course, as was the fragmentof a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of thegigantic Swede with matchless violence. 

This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium ofGeneral Jan Risingh sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under him; adeath-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth withsuch violence that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should havebroken through the roof of his infernal palace. 

His fall was the signal of defeat and victory; the Swedes gave way, theDutch pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter hotlypursued. Some entered with them pell mell through the sallyport, othersstormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in alittle while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another Troy, hadstood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the lossof a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a giganticox-fly, sat perched on the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant; and itwas declared by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of hisexpedition that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity ofglory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom!

CHAPTER IX. 

Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle. Let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in aprodigious sweat and agitation. Truly this fighting of battles is hotwork! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they givetheir historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so manyhorrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain that throughoutthis boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a singleindividual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of hisqueue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all of which, heobserves, as a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to theinterest of the narration. 

This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises entirelyfrom the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which Ihave undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance ofthe object, and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have beenterrible carnage and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls ofChristina, yet, not withstanding that I have consulted every history, manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgottenbattle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded inthe whole affair. 

This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of theirachievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a mostembarrassing predicament; for, having promised my readers a hideous andunparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike andblood-thirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc andslaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon amultitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balkthem by a reprieve. 

Had the Fates allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had beencontent; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the oldentime, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct; any one of whom, if wemay believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies, like sheep before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his singlearm. 

But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was leftme was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, andcuffs, and bruises, and such-like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot butcompare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who, having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against eachother, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make theend of his battle answer to the beginning; inasmuch as, being merespirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to anyof his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, whenI had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midstof the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time had I torestrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the verywaistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword, like somany sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives flying in theair, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest itshould have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman. 

The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in amanner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I hadto wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recordedin history or song. 

From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticityof many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that when he had oncelaunched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cutdown many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, exceptingthat he presented a fair mark; and that often a poor fellow was sent togrim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give asounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties:let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fightharder than myself, but since the various records I consulted did notwarrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St. Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business! My enemies, the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they candiscover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright; and Ishould have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict thanmanslaughter!

And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smokingour pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at thismoment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain areall those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in thisworld of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has amassed with somany weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift heir may squanderaway in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has everreared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble intoruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, maywither, and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. "Howmany illustrious heroes, " says the good Boetius, "who were once the prideand glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternaloblivion!" And this it was that induced the Spartans, when they went tobattle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that theirachievements might be worthily recorded. Had not Homer turned his loftylyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remainedunsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, afterall the gallant actions he had achieved, such too had nearly been the fateof the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in andengraved his name on the indellible tablet of history, just as the caitiffTime was silently brushing it away for ever!

The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character ofthe historian. He is the sovereign censor, to decide upon the renown orinfamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors on whomit depends whether they shall live in after ages, or be forgotten as weretheir ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the object ofhis tyranny exists; but the historian possesses superior might, for hispower extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed andlong-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes, watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their nameswith neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even thedrop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dashupon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings--that very drop, which to himis not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculablevalue to some departed worthy--may elevate half a score, in one moment, toimmortality, who would have given worlds, had they possessed them, toensure the glorious meed. 

Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vain-gloriousboastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. Onthe contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility wehistorians assume; I shudder to think what direful commotions andcalamities we occasion in the world; I swear to thee, honest reader, as Iam a man, I weep at the very idea! Why, let me ask, are so manyillustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of theirfamilies, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements offortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war? Why are kingsdesolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, whatinduces all great men, of all ages and countries, to commit so manyvictories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and uponthemselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take theminto notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume? For, in short, the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, and privations, isnothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame? Why, half a page ofdirty paper! Alas, alas! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of sogreat a man as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so little aman as Diedrich Knickerbocker!

And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of thefield, it behoves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, andinquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress ofChristina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to NewSweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of theprovince. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteousdeportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet inthe hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful andhumane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat moregalling by unmanly insults; for, like that mirror of knightly virtue, therenowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than totalk of them after they were done. He put no man to death, ordered nohouses to be burnt down, permitted no ravages to be perpetrated on theproperty of the vanquished, and even gave one of his bravest officers asevere punishment with his walking-staff, for having been detected in theact of sacking a hen-roost. 

He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit tothe authority of their High Mightinesses, but declaring, with unexampledclemency, that whoever refused should be lodged, at the public expense, ina goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue towait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms, about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath ofallegiance; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remainon the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this veryday. I am told, however, by divers observant travelers, that they havenever been able to get over the chap-fallen looks of their ancestors; butthat they still do strangely transmit, from father to son, manifest marksof the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers. 

The whole country of New Sweden having thus yielded to the arms of thetriumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placedunder the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the controlof the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dignitary wascalled Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck-man, who derived hissurname, as did Ovidius Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of hisnose, which projected from the center of his countenance like the beak ofa parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one ofthe most ancient and honorable families of the province; the members ofwhich do gratefully commemorate the origin of their dignity, nor as yournoble families in England would do by having a glowing proboscisemblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodlynose stuck in the very middle of their faces. 

Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss ofonly two men--Wolfet Van Horne, a tall spare man, who was knockedoverboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom VanBummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion; both, however, were immortalized as having bravely fallen in the service of theircountry. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terriblyfractured in the act of storming the fortress; but as it was fortunatelyhis wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed. 

And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention thatthis immaculate hero and his victorious army returned joyously to theManhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing withthem the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew who hadrefused allegiance; for it appears that the gigantic Swede had onlyfallen into a swoon at the end of the battle, from which he was speedilyrestored by a wholesome tweak of the nose. 

These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of thegovernor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, being theprison of state of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror ofOyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained inthe possession of his descendants. [56]

It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of NewAmsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war inthe wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gavethe whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saving that hetook the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially ofvanquishing the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearlyentitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle. 

The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little urchinswho followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads andsticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war. As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesantwherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting, "Hardkoppig Piet forever!"

It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner wasprepared at the stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where wereassembled, in one glorious constellation, the great and little luminariesof New Amsterdam. There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious deputy, the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows, thesubaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so on, down to thelowest hanger-on of police; every tag having his rag at his side, tofinish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights ofimmortal dulness. In short--for a city feast is a city feast all over theworld, and has been a city feast ever since the creation--the dinner wentoff much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth ofJuly banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured, oceans ofliquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored withmuch obstreperous fat-sided laughter. 

I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed victory Peter Stuyvesantwas indebted for another of his many titles, for so hugely delighted werethe honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honoredhim with the name of Pieter de Groodt; that is to say, Peter the Great;or, as it was translated into English by the people of New Amsterdam, forthe benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig--an appellationwhich he maintained even unto the day of his death. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [56] This castle, though very much altered, and modernized, is still in being and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing Coentie's Slip. 

_BOOK VII. _

CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG--HISTROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCHDYNASTY. 

CHAPTER I. 

The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying pictureof the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemnwarning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Thoughreturning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exultation was checkedon observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during hisshort absence. His walking-staff which he had sent home to act as hisvicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council chamber in order; thecounsellors eyeing it with awe as it lay in grim repose upon the table, and smoking their pipes in silence; but its control extended not out ofdoors. 

The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slackthough fitful reign of William the Testy; and though upon the accession ofPeter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobsas well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed intostronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champingupon, the bit in restive silence. 

Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes, than the whole factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust theirheads above water. Pot-house meetings were again held to "discuss thestate of the nation, " where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, theself-dubbed "friends of the people, " once more felt themselves inspiredwith the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movementof government. 

Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern the provinceby his individual will, his first move on his return, was to put a stop tothis gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, one evening, when an inspiredcobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Petersuddenly made his appearance with his ominous walking staff in his hand, and a countenance sufficient to petrify a millstone. The whole meeting wasthrown into confusion--the orators stood aghast, with open mouth andtrembling knees, while "Horror!" "Tyranny!" "Liberty!" "Rights!" "Taxes!""Death!" "Destruction!" and a host of other patriotic phrases, were boltedforth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of theskulking throng, but strode up to the brawling, bully-ruffian, and pullingout a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as atown-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a familycuriosity, requested the orator to mend it and set it going. The oratorhumbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquaintedwith the nature of its construction. "Nay, but, " said Peter, "try youringenuity, man; you see all the springs and wheels and how easily theclumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces, and why should it notbe equally easy to regulate as to stop it?" The orator declared that histrade was wholly different--that he was a poor cobbler, and had nevermeddled with a watch in his life--that there were men skilled in the artwhose business it was to attend to those matters, but for his part heshould only mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion. "Why, harkee, master of mine, " cried Peter, turning suddenly upon him with acountenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfectlapstone, "dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government toregulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated machine, theprinciples of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplestoperations too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct atrifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of whichis open to thy inspection?--Hence with thee to the leather and stone, which are emblems of thy head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself tothe vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee; but, " elevating his voiceuntil it made the welkin ring, "if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe, meddling again with affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I'll haveevery mother's bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched fordrumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some purpose!"

This threat and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused thewhole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on hishead like his own swine's bristles; and not a knight of the thimblepresent but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could haveverily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed insilent consternation: the pseudo-statesmen who had hitherto undertaken toregulate public affairs were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues, and take care of their families; and party feuds died away to such adegree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops were utterlyruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desiredeffect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up, yet did it tend to injure the popularity of the great Peter with thethinking part of the community; that is to say, that part which think forothers instead of for themselves; or, in other words, who attend toeverybody's business but their own. These accused the old governor ofbeing highly aristocratical, and in truth there seems to have been someground for such an accusation, for he carried himself with a lofty, soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in his dress, appearing, when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the antique flaundish cut, and wasespecially noted for having his sound leg, which was a very comely one, always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe. 

Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal way, seated on the"stoep" before the door, under the shade of a great button-wood tree, butall visits of form and state were received with something of courtceremony in the best parlor, where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as highchamberlain. On public occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage, and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels. 

These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have hinted, were much caviledat by the thinking, and talking, part of the community. They had beenaccustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and inparticular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with William the Testy, and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of assuming too much dignity andreserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, havepretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the oldgovernor. It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that acountry should be governed by wise men; but then it is almost equallyimportant that the people should think them wise; for this belief alonecan produce willing subordination. To keep up, however, this desirableconfidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little ofthem as possible. It is the mystery which envelopes great men that givesthem half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence foroffice which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and tosuppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gainsaccess to cabinets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world isgoverned. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in everythingelse; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, andare not so wonderfully superior as he had imagined, since even he mayoccasionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence, confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Suchwas the case, say they, with William the Testy. By making himself too easyof access, he enabled every scrub-politician to measure wits with him, andto find out the true dimensions not only of his person, but of his mind;and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to bea very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, byconducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with greatreverence. As he never gave his reasons for anything he did, the publicgave him credit for very profound ones; every movement, howeverintrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation; and his very redstockings excited some respect, as being different from the stockings ofother men. 

Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was, that he had a great leaningin favor of the patricians; and, indeed, in his time rose many of thosemighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branchedout so luxuriantly in our state. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date, such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the HardenBroecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of"Discoverers, " from having been engaged in the nautical expedition fromCommunipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gateand Buttermilk-channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam. 

Others claimed to themselves the appellation of Conquerors, from theirgallant achievements in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees atOyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated, beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, andextending to the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and theSchermerhorns; a roll equal to the Doomsday Book of William the Conqueror, and establishing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristocratical Dutchfamily. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords ofthe soil; these are the real "beavers of the Manhattoes;" and much does itgrieve me in modern days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders, and more especially by those ingenious people, "the Sons of the Pilgrims;"who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the exchange, out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high, that thetallest Dutch family mansion has not wind enough left for its weathercock. 

In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the good old Dutcharistocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, inround-crowned flaunderish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portlygaberdine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his "stoep" andsmoked his pipe in lordly silence; nor did it ever enter his brain thatthe active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyesworrying about in dog day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was oneday to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however, the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankeessneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the"Copper-heads;" while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity, and observing the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping like anempty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobriousappellation of "Platter-breeches. "

CHAPTER II. 

From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I would not have itimagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, ruling with arod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, heabounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawlingmultitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them inrighteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers togive thirteen loaves to the dozen--a golden rule which remains a monumentof his beneficence. So far from indulging in unreasonable austerity, hedelighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice; and for thispurpose he was a great promoter of holidays. Under his reign there was agreat cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter; Whitsuntide or Pinxter alsoflourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings better filled on theeve of the blessed St. Nicholas. 

New Year's Day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in bythe ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountainsof hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged withcherry-brandy, true hollands, and mulled cider; every house was a templeto the jolly god; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of pureeconomy, taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a yearafterwards. 

The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whitherrepaired all the burghers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters, pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter wasdevoutly observant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the women-kind fora happy new year; and it is traditional that Antony the trumpeter, whoacted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, asthey passed through the ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus happilyintroduced, was followed with such zeal by high and low that on New Year'sDay, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam was the mostthoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom. 

Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was thedistribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in thehands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to everypart of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested byAntony the Trumpeter, and the effect was marvelous. Instead of those"indignation meetings" set on foot in the time of William the Testy, wheremen met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of thetimes, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of thetwo sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted "quilting bees, "and "husking bees, " and other rural assemblages, where, under theinspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety andfollowed up by the dance. "Raising bees" also were frequent, where housessprang up at the wagging of the fiddle-stick, as the walls of Thebessprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion. 

Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in thosedays a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor camedancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout theland. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Nederlands were merryrather than wise; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers ofgood humor and good will, resounded at the close of the day from everyhamlet along the Hudson!

Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced hisfavorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired thatpotent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. Weeklyassemblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but onSaturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn ofthe Battery; with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Herewould the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among theold burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here wouldhe smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war, inthe sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation tothose of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously; and nowand then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass whoheld out longest, and tired down every competitor--infallible proof of herbeing the best dancer. 

Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger ofinterruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who ofcourse led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozenpetticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ranthrough the assembly. The young men of course were lost in admiration, butthe old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who hadmarriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively forthe "poor thing, " and even the governor himself appeared to be in somekind of perturbation. 

To complete the confusion of the good folk she undertook, in the course ofa jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing-masterat Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet, somevagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces tookplace, at which all the ladies present were thrown into greatconsternation; several grave country members were not a little moved, andthe good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized. 

The shortness of the female dresses, which had continued in fashion eversince the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye; and thoughextremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet heimmediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a flounceto the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed thegentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than "shuffle and turn, "and "double trouble;" and forbade, under pain of his high displeasure, anyyoung lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed "exhibiting the graces. "

These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and thesewere considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with thatbecoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges areinvaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shown, was asagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a private occasionto intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was forming among the youngvrouws of New Amsterdam; and that, if the matter were pushed any further, there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether; whereupon thegood Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever aftersuffered the women to wear their petticoats, and cut their capers as highas they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in theManhattoes unto the present day. 

CHAPTER III. 

In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectablepicture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an interval of peace. It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds areagain gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I am notmistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuingchapters. 

It is with some communities, as it is with certain meddlesomeindividuals--they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes; and Ihave always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have theleast talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to theexcessive valor of those states; for I have likewise noticed that thisrampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most confined; whichaccounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little men andugly little women more especially. 

Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlands; which, by its exceeding valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies;has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size, and is in afair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woebegonelittle province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest andsublimity to this pathetic history. 

The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was causedby hostile intelligence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaersteen. Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was again in the field, atthe head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg seeking to annex the whole ofthe Catskill mountains to his domains. The Indian tribes of thesemountains had likewise taken up the hatchet, and menaced the venerableDutch settlements of Esopus. 

Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of PeterStuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold allIndian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which hasrecorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderbergcommotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to timeafflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, andwhich I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence. 

The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthyMynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, thanenemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable raceof savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, ofwhom the following mention is made by Master Hariot in his excellenthistory:----

"The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior, and attire--their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Theirtobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long; carved at the great endwith a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains ofa horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three-quarters of ayard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable. "[57]

These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mindof Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land;but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colonyof Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland; so called becausethe inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, wereprone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. Theywere, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers andjumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim tobe the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail, stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomicalmerits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks. 

This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, a British nobleman, wasmanaged by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall, that is to say, "offend all, " a name given him for his bullyingpropensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threateninghim, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as therightful lord of the soil, to come at the head of the roaring boys ofMerryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and hisNederlanders out of the country. 

The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard, whenhe received missives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggeringmenaces of the bully Fendall; and as to the giantly warriors of theSusquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand tohand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in thewhole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh assuch, and he was but a little one. 

Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River, and enactingscenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessityof first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of theYankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he wrote to MynheerBeekman to keep up a bold front and a stout heart, promising, as soon ashe had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south withhis burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, andmar the merriment of the Merrylanders. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [57] Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims. 

CHAPTER IV. 

To explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against thecrafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his campaignson the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the CatskillMountains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usuallyactive in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the NieuwNederlands. 

Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattingsalong the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, intothe very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth intothe land of Canaan, with their wives and their children, theirmen-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settlethemselves down in the land and possess it; so these chosen people ofmodern days would progress through the country in patriarchal style, conducting carts and waggons laden with household furniture, with womenand children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At thetail of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sidedvarlets with axes on their shoulders, and packs on their backs, resolutelybent upon "locating" themselves, as they termed it, and improving thecountry. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true theywere guilty of no overt acts of hostility; but it was notorious that, wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchmen gradually disappeared, retiring slowly as do the Indians before the white men; being in some wayor other talked and chaffered, and bargained and swapped, and, in plainEnglish, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in whichour Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle themselves. 

Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, bywhich the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions. 

He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are aptto be; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threwdiplomacy to the dogs, determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but torepair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing thesword in one hand and the olive-branch in the other, and giving themtheir choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war. 

His privy council were astonished and dismayed when he announced hisdetermination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth therashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange andbarbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rustyweathercock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of theiron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kinds of courage described byAristotle, and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verilybelieved he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valorcalled discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropicaltemperament. 

Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony VanCorlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany himthe following morning on this his hazardous enterprise. 

Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, yetby dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow(having never been married), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund, gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribedto his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which PeterStuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir. 

Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than thiscommand of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-heartedold governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty--and he moreoverstill remembered the frolicing, and dancing, and bundling, and otherdisports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections ofnumerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again toencounter. 

Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendantbut his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises everrecorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to ventureopenly among a whole nation of foes--but, above all, for a plain, downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of NewEngland!--never was there known a more desperate undertaking! Ever since Ihave entered upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hithertouncelebrated, chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action andanxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh, fora chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might reposeon it as on a feather-bed!

Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued theefrom the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing thepowers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough that I have followedthee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horridbattle of Fort Christina? That I have been put incessantly to my trumps tokeep them safe and sound--now warding off with my single pen the shower ofdastard blows that fell upon thy rear--now narrowly shielding thee from adeadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box--now casing thy dauntless skull withadamant, when even thy stubborn ram beaver failed to resist the sword ofthe stout Risingh--and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, buttriumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperatemeans of a paltry stone pottle? Is not all this enough, but must thoustill be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlongenterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian?

And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chambermaid, draws aside thesable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jollyred-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces ofDame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footedsteeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like aloitering coachman, half-an-hour behind his time. And now behold that impof fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned, switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracingon his thigh that trusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought suchfearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. 

Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on abroken-winded, walleyed, calico mare; his stone pottle, which had laid lowthe mighty Risingh, slung under his arm; and his trumpet displayedvauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on whichis emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuingout of the city gate, like an iron clad hero of yore, with his faithfulsquire at his heels; the populace following with their eyes, and shoutingmany a parting wish and hearty cheering, Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet!Farewell, honest Antony! pleasant be your wayfaring, prosperous yourreturn!--the stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiesttrumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather!

Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurersin this their adventurous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript, which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on theoccasion by Dominie Ægidius Luyck, [58] who appears to have been the poetlaureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that itwas a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal followerhailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of Nature, as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael; which inthose days was a sweet and rural valley, beautiful with many a brightwild flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here andthere by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some slopinghill, and almost buried in embowering trees. 

Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where theyencountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they wereassailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mountedon goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing themexceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place, hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great andmighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them fiveshillings for traveling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive toa neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees; but these thevaliant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that theybestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving theircocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did heescape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag; who, with undauntedperseverance and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodlyswitch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, founderedNarraganset pacer. 

But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily alongthe course of the soft flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says thesong, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain; now reflecting thelofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of thehumble hamlet; now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with thecheerful song of the peasant. 

At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy Antony to sound a courteous salutation; though themanuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismaywhen they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incomparableachievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, andthey dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifoldtransgressions. 

But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, wavinghis hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he verilybelieved that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust intotheir broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches whichornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honorof his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry tocompliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeousfurniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed, so much does prowess in arms delight the gentler sex. The little children, too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, hisbrimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must Iomit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholdingthe jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with histrumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. Thekind-hearted Antony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them allwith infinite loving kindness, and was right pleased to see a crew oflittle trumpeters crowding round him for his blessing, each of whom hepatted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buymolasses candy. 

FOOTNOTES:

 [58] This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to Ægidius Luyck in D. Selyn's MSS. Of poesies, upon his marriage with Judith Isendoorn. (Old MSS. )

CHAPTER V. 

Now so it happened, that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant, followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress throughthe east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his belovedprovince was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the BritishCabinet. 

This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secretinstigations of the great council of the league; who, finding themselvestotally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of theManhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the BritishGovernment, setting forth in eloquent language the wonders and delights ofthis delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might besent out to invade it by sea, while they should co-operate by land. 

These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lionwas beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail; for we are assuredby the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript that the astoundingvictory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughoutEurope, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened thejealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. Thisjealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore, who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands grantedto him by the British Crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, orLond Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now thekitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be Britishterritory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by theNederlanders. 

The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal onthe part of his Majesty Charles the Second for the safety and well-beingof his transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of theNew Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be acontinuity of the territory taken possession of for the British Crown bythe pilgrims when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from Britishoppression. All this goodly land thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, hepresented, in a fit of affection, to his brother the Duke of York, adonation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to giveaway what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not bemerely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightwaydespatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and puthis brother in complete possession of the premises. 

Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. Whilethe honest burghers are smoking their pipes in somber security, and theprivy councillors are snoring in the council chamber, while Peter theHeadstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country, in theconfident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand councilto terms, a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across theAtlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozingNederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial. 

But come what may, I here pledge my veracity that in all warlike conflictsand doubtful perplexities he will every acquit himself like a gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge! Shineout, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes; and theblessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, honest Peter Stuyvesant. 

CHAPTER VI. 

Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatnessis seldom known until they get in trouble; adversity, therefore, has beenwisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, cannever receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace. In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an individual(possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils andmisfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur; and even when sinkingunder calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display thanever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity. 

The vast Empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing andconcentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession ofdrowsy ages; and were it not for its internal revolution, and thesubversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presentednothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii andHerculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of theircontemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano. The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years'distress and final conflagration. Paris rose in importance by the plotsand massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even themighty London has skulked through the records of time, celebrated fornothing of moment excepting the Plague, the Great Fire, and Guy Faux'sGunpowder Plot! Thus cities and empires creep along, enlarging in silentobscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calamity, and snatch, as it were, immortality from the explosion. 

The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive thatthe city of New Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the high roadto greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it isreally a matter of astonishment how so small a State has been able in soshort a time to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since theprovince was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in thetranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increasing inhistoric importance: and never could it have had a more appropriatechieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant. 

This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected his daringprogress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approachedBoston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amphictyons, whichwas to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony VanCorlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a littlein the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great mind, heplaced himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over hisleft eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and, with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rodeinto the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpetbefore him in a manner to electrify the whole community. 

Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion; never such ahurrying hither and thither about the streets; such popping of heads outof windows; such gathering of knots in market-places Peter Stuyvesant wasa straightforward man, and prone to do everything above board. He wouldhave ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded aparley; but the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they had to dealwith, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sentforth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a stylebefitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multiply allkinds of honors, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other courteousimpediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equalto thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches were made him, wherein hewas entertained with the surpassing virtues, long sufferings, andachievements of the Pilgrim Fathers; and it is even said he was treated toa sight of Plymouth Rock, that great corner-stone of Yankee empire. 

I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by whichtime was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infiniteannoyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwellingon his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought themto business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomaticnegotiations; a great deal was said and very little done; one conversationled to another; one conference begot misunderstandings which it took adozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties foundthemselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come toan agreement. 

In the midst of these perplexities, which bewildered the brain andincensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of thedark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding factthat a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam bysea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling himwith subtleties, were actually prepared to co-operate by land!

Oh! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar when he found himselfthus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil! Now did he draw histrusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of theAmphictyons, and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did heresolve to fight his way throughout all the regions of the east, and tolay waste Connecticut river. 

Gallant, but unfortunate Peter! Did I not enter with sad forebodings onthis ill-starred expedition? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with noother councillor than thine own head; no other armour but an honesttongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector butSt. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter--did I not tremblewhen I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powersof New England?

It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony VanCorlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower thespirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tone, andprevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston. With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for thepresent; to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations;and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for thesalvation of the Manhattoes. 

The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom; heforthwith dispatched a secret message to his councillors at New Amsterdam, apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in aposture of defense, promising to come as soon as possible to theirassistance. This done, he felt marvelously relieved, rose slowly, shookhimself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the samemanner as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle, in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress. 

And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in thisimminent jeopardy; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is goingon at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in aturmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one thingwith heart and soul he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes andsevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to thosethings in person which in modern days are trusted to generals andambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in anuproar--all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect whichinduced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him therenowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong. 

CHAPTER VII. 

There is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a communitywhere every individual has a voice in public affairs; where everyindividual considers himself the Atlas of the nation; and where everyindividual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of hiscountry--I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher thansuch a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues--suchpatriotic bawling--such running hither and thither--everybody in ahurry--everybody in trouble--everybody in the way, and everybodyinterrupting his neighbor--who is busily employed in doing nothing! It islike witnessing a great fire, where the whole community are agog--somedragging about empty engines, others scampering with full buckets, andspilling the contents into their neighbors' boots, and others ringing thechurch bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen, like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and downscaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing theattack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of theunfortunate, catches up some article of no value, and gallants it off withan air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of money;there another throws looking-glasses and china out of the window, to savethem from the flames; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and downthe streets, keeping up an incessant cry of "Fire! fire! fire!"

"When the news arrived at Sinope, " says Lucian--though I own the story israther trite-"that Philip was about to attack them, the inhabitants werethrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms; othersrolled stones to build up the walls; everybody, in short, was employed, and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could findnothing to do; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his countrywas at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub withmight and main up and down the Gymnasium. " In like manner did everymother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving themissives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting thingsin confusion, and assisting the general uproar. "Every man, " said theStuyvesant manuscript, "flew to arms!" by which is meant that not one ofour honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without anold-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutchfowling-piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night without alantern, nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round, lest heshould come unawares upon a British army; and we are informed that StoffelBrinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man asthe governor himself, actually had two one-pound swivels mounted in hisentry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back. 

But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and onewhich has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popularmeetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown, wereextremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant; but as this was a moment ofunusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repressthem, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, theorators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, andexceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in resolutionsto uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it wasresolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the mostformidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth. This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediatelyproposed--whether it were not possible and politic to exterminate GreatBritain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and onlyone arose to suggest some doubts, who, as a punishment for his treasonablepresumption, was immediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feathered, which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwardsconsidered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing. The question, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, itwas recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which wasaccordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large werewonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceeding choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, theold women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, andtheir husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, the communitybegan even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in LowDutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most woefullybeaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein itwas proved to a certainty that the fate of Old England depended upon thewill of the New Amsterdammers. 

Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, amultitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and having purchased allthe British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a hugebonfire, and in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present whohad a hat or breeches of English workmanship pulled it off, and threw itinto the flames, to the irreparable detriment, loss and ruin of theEnglish manufacturers! In commemoration of this great exploit they erecteda pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to represent theprovince of Nieuw Nederlandts destroying Great Britain, under thesimilitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of theglobe; but either through the unskillfulness of the sculptor, or hisill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainlystriving to get hold of a dumpling. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

It will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways ofthat wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that notwithstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, thecity of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before. The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this; and, havingreceived his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture ofdefense, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers toassist them with their wisdom. These were of that order of citizenscommonly termed "men of the greatest weight in the community;" theirweight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of theirpurses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hanglike a millstone round the neck of the community. 

Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:first, that the city required to be put in a state of defense; and second, that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost; whichpoints being settled, they fell to making long speeches, and belaboringone another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time wasthis unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent inthis country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number ofwise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches; caused, as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method ofmeasuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being consideredthe ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellentinvention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutchcritic who judged of books by their size. 

This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with thecustomary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed bycertain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers otherbarbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors, who were peculiarlynoted for long talks and council fires; and never undertook any affair ofthe least importance without previous debates and harangues among theirchiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electingtheir representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosingthem for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether theypossessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times important talent ofholding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative bodywas composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As theyconsidered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that hisduty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them, required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understoodit or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by everysoldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mightymound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in thisassembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words. 

We are told that disciples on entering the school of Pythagoras were fortwo years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions or makeremarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding theirtongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally tocommunicate their own opinions. 

With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras beintroduced in modern legislative bodies--and how wonderfully would it havetended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes. 

At this perilous juncture the fatal word economy, the stumbling block ofWilliam the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which thecheapest plan of defense was insisted upon as the best; it being deemed agreat stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economise in ball. 

Thus old Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorouslypersonified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting thevenerable councillors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the oldfactions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled bythe Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor. Whatever was proposed by a Short Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe ofLong Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effectthe downfall of their rivals, their second to elevate themselves, andtheir third to consult the public good; though many left the thirdconsideration out of question altogether. 

In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number ofprojects that were struck out; projects which threw the windmill system ofWilliam the Testy completely in the background. These were almostuniformly opposed by the "men of the greatest weight in the community;"your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at"negativing. " Among these were a set of fat, self-important old burghers, who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan ofdefence proposed. These were that class of "conservatives" who, havingamassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as itwere, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwellingbeatitude of conscious wealth; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swalloweda pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of itslife to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed tothese worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legionof locusts preying upon the public property; to fit out a naval armamentwas to throw their money into the sea; to build fortifications was to buryit in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long astheir pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick leftno scar; a broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of allmaladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for thepatient. 

Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away their time, whichthe urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls andlong-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point withwhich they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delaywas ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on their distractedsituation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that inthe midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject offortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads inconsequence of not being able to convince each other, the question washappily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who informed themthat a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay!

CHAPTER IX. 

Like as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling, eyeing one another with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in eachother's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenlyput to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a house-dog, sowas the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, andtotally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddledhome as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went withcorpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded thestreet-door, and buried himself in the cider-cellar, without venturing topeep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon ball. 

The sovereign people crowded into the marketplace, herding together withthe instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's company when theshepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold. Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other'sterrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbor's face, in search ofencouragement, but only found in its woebegone lineaments a confirmationof his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering GreatBritain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy--while theold women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing theirfate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant. 

Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter! and howdid they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed agloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Dayafter day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor withoutbringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture washazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they notbeen devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? Had theynot been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons? Had theynot been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag? In the midstof this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mightynightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of NewAmsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the distantsound of a trumpet;--it approached--it grew louder and louder--and now itresounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in thewell-known sound; a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallantPeter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, camegalloping into the marketplace. 

The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered roundthe honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greetings andcongratulations. In breathless accents, he related to them the marvelousadventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in makingtheir escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though theStuyvesant manuscript, with its customary minuteness where anythingtouching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to theincidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs willnot allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say, that, while Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his mind how hecould make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the shipssent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern portsto obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for itspromised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitatedecampment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turnhis back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth escapes and diversperilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scourged, without sound oftrumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the country inan uproar with hostile preparation, and they were obliged to take a largecircuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of theDevil's Backbone; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth, one day like alion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of threegenerations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to takepossession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antonyhad great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess ofhis wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword inhand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were marshaling forth theirdraggle-tailed militia. 

The first movement of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mountthe roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron. This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stoutfrigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, gent. , informs us, "threehundred valiant red coats. " Having taken this survey, he sat himself down, and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of hisanchoring in the harbor without obtaining previous permission so to do. This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, thoughI have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and hehad a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Havingdespatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town, with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breechespockets, and whistling a low Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no smallresemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is brewing. Thevery dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay; while all the old andugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him tosave them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment!

The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who commanded the invaders, was couched interms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor, declaring theright and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmedthe Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts, etc. , should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience andprotection; promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and freetrade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty'sgovernment. 

Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony ofaspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of JohnStiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however, to betaken by surprise; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket, stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with greatvehemence, and then, loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answerthe next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privycouncillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for confident inhis own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to givethem a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct. 

His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold thelate valiant burgomasters, who had demolished the whole British empire intheir harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places; crawlingcautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys; starting atevery little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers;and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidablesoldiers, levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms! Having, however, indespite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took theirseats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In afew moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular andstout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayedin full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded onhis thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equippedhimself in this portentious manner unless something of martial nature wereworking within his pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as ifthey saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light theirpipes in breathless suspense. 

His first words were to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idledebate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to puttingthe city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at thosebrawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by emptybickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enemy. He nowcalled upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they haddefied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of thesummons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defendthe province as long as Heaven was on his side, and he had a wooden leg tostand upon; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a thwack with the flatof his sword upon the table that quite electrified his auditors. 

The privy councillors who had long since been brought into as perfectdiscipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew therewas no use in saying a word, so lighted their pipes, and smoked away insilence like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, beinginflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency acquired atpopular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit, when they found there was some chance of escaping from their presentjeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requesteda copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a generalmeeting of the people. 

So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have rousedthe gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself--what, then, must have beenits effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, agovernor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man ofthe most stomachful and gunpowder disposition? He burst forth into a blazeof indignation--swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable ofit; that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff oftobacco for either; that they might go home and go to bed like old women, for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistanceof them or their adherents! So saying, he tucked his sword under his arm, cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumpedindignantly out of the council chamber, everybody making room for him ashe passed. 

No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters called a public meetingin front of the stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one DofueRoerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign ofWilliam the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on takingthe reins of government. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in theland, and reverenced by the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeingthat he was the first to imprint New-year cakes with the mysterioushieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such-like magical devices. 

This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against PeterStuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech, informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had received tosurrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying thepublic even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditionshighly to the honor and advantage of the province. 

He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in high-sounding terms ofvituperation, suited to the dignity of his station; comparing him to Nero, Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore; assuring the people thatthe history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to thepresent; that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the blood-stainedtablet of history; that ages would roll back with sudden horror when theycame to view it; that the womb of time (by the way, your orators andwriters take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some wouldfain have us believe that time is an old gentleman)--that the womb oftime, pregnant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce aparallel enormity: with a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirringtropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate; neither, indeed, need I, forthey were of the kind which even to the present day form the style ofpopular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoricunder the general title of Rigmarole. 

The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster was a memorialaddressed to the governor, remonstrating in good round terms on hisconduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearerof this memorial; but this he warily declined, having no inclination ofcoming again within kicking distance of his excellency. Who did deliverit has never been named in history; in which neglect he has sufferedgrievous wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with himperpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of Bell-the-cat. Allwe know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grimPeter to light his pipe, which, from the vehemence with which he smokedit, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace. 

CHAPTER X. 

Now did the high-minded Peter de Groodt shower down a pannier load ofmaledictions upon his burgomaster for a set of self-willed, obstinate, factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did heomit to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sovereign people, asa heard of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hardships andillustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, andeat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortality and abroken head. 

Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite evenof itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was hisright-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take hiswar-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the countrynight and day--sounding the alarm along the pastoral border of theBronx--startling the wild solitudes of Croton--arousing the ruggedyeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken--the mighty men of battle of TappanBay--and the brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, andSleepy-Hollow--charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns, shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes. 

Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, thatAntony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So juststopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle, well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from thecity gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway;sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through thewinding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas! never more were they to begladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter. 

It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek(sagely denominated Haerlem river) which separates the island ofManna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in anuproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder ofbrass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatientghost upon the brink, and then, bethinking himself of the urgency of hiserrand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorouslythat he would swim across in spite of the devil (_spyt den duyvel_), anddaringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony! scarce had he buffetedhalf-way over when he was observed to struggle violently, as if battlingwith the spirit of the waters. Instinctively he put his trumpet to hismouth, and giving a vehement blast sank for ever to the bottom. 

The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renownedPaladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Roncesvalles, rangfar and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, whohurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for hisveracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them themelancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow of givingbelief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge mossbonker, seizethe sturdy Antony by the leg and drag him beneath the waves. Certain itis, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into theHudson, has been called _Spyt den Duyvel_ ever since; the ghost of theunfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trumpethas often been heard by the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with thehowling of the blast. 

Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark; on the contrary, a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in thefuture; and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence that notrue Dutchman will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hatesthe devil. 

Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear--a man deserving of a better fate. He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor, until theday of his death; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behindsome two or three dozen children in different parts of the country--fine, chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends speaktrue (and they are not apt to lie), did descend the innumerable race ofeditors who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paidby the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable. It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the east he didmuch towards promoting the population of the country, in proof of which isadduced the notorious propensity of the people of those parts to soundtheir own trumpet. 

As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, andnight is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion andsolace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did thegenerous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end ofAntony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps;he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and themartial melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinchingloyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap. Hewas gone for ever! and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur wasskulking from his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to try thyfortitude; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shineforth--Peter the Headstrong!

The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the stormy night; stillall was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behindlugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious, yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was theeventful morning when the Great Peter was to give his reply to the summonsof the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sittingin grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anonboiling with indignation as the insolence of his recreant burgomastersflashed upon his mind. While in this state of irritation, a courierarrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut, counseling him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, tosurrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and calamities to whicha refusal would subject him. What a moment was this to intrude officiousadvice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life! The fiery oldgovernor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made thebosoms of his councillors to quake with awe; railing at his unlucky fate, that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects and jesuiticaladvisers. 

Just at this ill-chosen juncture the officious burgomasters, who had heardof the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into theroom, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, andabruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for thespleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces--threwit in the face of the nearest burgomaster--broke his pipe over the headof the next--hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was justretreating out at the door; and finally prorogued the whole meeting _sinedie_, by kicking them downstairs with his wooden leg. 

As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion, and hadtime to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at fulllength, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic andvindictive deportment of the governor, declaring that, for their ownparts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled bythe timber toe of his excellency, but that they felt for the dignity ofthe sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on theseat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the haranguecame home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride ofcharacter vested in all true mobs; who, though they may bear injurieswithout a murmur, yet are marvelously jealous of their sovereign dignity;and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have beenprovoked, had they not been somewhat more afright of their sturdy oldgovernor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English, or the d----lhimself. 

CHAPTER XI. 

There is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectaclewhich the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious andvenerable little city--the metropolis of a vast extent of uninhabitedcountry--garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men, burgomasters, schepens, and old women--governed by a determined andstrong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, andresolutions--blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened withdireful desolation from without; while its very vitals are torn withinternal faction and commotion! Never did historic pen record a page ofmore complicated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted theIsraelites during the siege of Jerusalem, where discordant parties werecutting each other's throats at the moment when the victorious legions ofTitus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and swordinto the very _sanctum sanctorum_ of the temple!

Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout, and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers, despatcheda categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron, wherein heasserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords StatesGeneral to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in therighteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance!

My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous scenesprevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concludedin these manly and affectionate terms:----

 "As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as merciful) shall lay upon us; all things being in His gracious disposal, and we may as well be preserved by Him with small forces as by a great army, which makes us to wish you all happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to His protection. --My lords, your thrice humble and affectionate servant and friend, "P. STUYVESANT. "

Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair ofhorse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side, thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce littlewar-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house, determined to defend his beloved city to the last. 

While all these struggles and dissentions were prevailing in the unhappycity of New Amsterdam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor wasframing the above quoted letter, the English commanders did not remainidle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors ofthe populace; and moreover circulated far and wide through the adjacentcountry a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out intheir summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simpleNederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions. Theypromised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of hisBritish Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch, wear as many beeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the spot. That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language, nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any other way than bycasting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown ofhis hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. Thatevery man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat, shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other personal appendage; and that no manshould be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, or any othermodern innovations; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build hishouse, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate hischildren, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from timeimmemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade, and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the calendarthan St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered thetutelar saint of the city. 

These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people, who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a mostsingular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could gain littlemore than honor and broken heads: the first of which they held inphilosophic indifference, the latter in utter detestation. By theseinsidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating theconfidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor, whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideousmisadventures; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abusehim most heartily, behind his back. 

Like as a mighty grampus, when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves andbrawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above theboisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did theinflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise, contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble. 

But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance, they despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh, and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had beensubdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff, stirring up the progeny ofPreserved Fish and Determined Cock, and those other New England squatters, to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile shipsprepared for an assault by water. 

The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay andconsternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm andassemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. Thewhole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changedinto arrant old women--a metamorphosis only to be paralleled by theprodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach ofHannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted intosheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street. 

Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence, blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankeeinvasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gaveway, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat untilit nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender. 

Words cannot express the transports of the populace on receiving thisintelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they couldnot have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with theircongratulations--they extolled their governor as the father and delivererof his country--they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, andwere ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, withvictory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of FortChristina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and tookrefuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hearthe ignoble rejoicings of the rabble. 

Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation wasspeedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should besigned by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for thispurpose they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlikeaccoutrements were laid aside; an old Indian night-gown was wrapped abouthis rugged limbs; a red nightcap overshadowed his frowning brow; aniron-grey beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness to hisvisage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to signthe loathsome paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horriblecountenance, as though a dose of rhubarb-senna, and ipecacuanha, had beenoffered to his lips. At length, dashing it from him, he seized hisbrass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St. Nicholas to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven. 

For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, duringwhich his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorousrevilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted tosoothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by theburgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear thecapitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castlestrongly barricaded, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cockedhat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret window. 

There was something in this formidable position that struck even theignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could notbut reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, whenthey beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to hispost, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungratefulcity to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed bythe recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arrangedthemselves before the house, taking off their hats with most respectfulhumility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of oratorsdescribed by Sallust as being "talkative rather than eloquent, " steppedforth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length, detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of theprovince, and urging him, in a constant repetition of the same argumentsand words, to sign the capitulation. 

The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence. Now andthen his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignantgrin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. Butthough a man of most undaunted mettle--though he had a heart as big as anox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn--yet after all he wasa mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternalharanguing, and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants wouldfollow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting forhis consent; or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pourin their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered themto hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of apole, and having scrawled his hand at the bottom of it, he anathematisedthem all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons--threw thecapitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heardstumping downstairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinentlytook to their heels; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating thepremises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, andgreet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure. 

Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of British beef-fedwarriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort andbatteries. And now might be heard from all quarters the sound of hammersmade by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, toprotect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplatedin silent sullenness from the garret windows as they paraded through thestreets. 

Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces, enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm, as _locum tenens_ forthe Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than thatof changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforthwere denominated New York, and so have continued to be called unto thepresent day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were allowed tomaintain quiet possession of their property, but so inveterately did theyretain their abhorrence of the British nation that in a private meeting ofthe leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any oftheir conquerors to dinner. 

 NOTE. 

 Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens, a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by one Garret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and cabbage gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers among the mountains of Asturias. Here their descendants have remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed corn, to repeople the city with the genuine breed, whenever it shall be effectually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York still look with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern mountains of Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliverance is to come. 

CHAPTER XII. 

Thus then have I concluded this great historical enterprise; but before Ilay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty. If, among the variety of readers who may peruse this book, there shouldhaply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow withcelestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they willdoubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. Togratify one such sterling heart of gold, I would go more lengths than toinstruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers. 

No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles ofcapitulation, than, determined not to witness the humiliation of hisfavorite city, he turned his back on its walls, and made a growlingretreat to his bowery, or country seat, which was situated about two milesoff; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal retirement. There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amidthe distracting cares of government, and tasted the sweets of absolute anduncontrolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashedwith the bitterness of opposition. 

No persuasion should ever induce him to revisit the city; on the contrary, he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to thewindows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees, planted by his own hand, grew up and formed a screen that effectuallyexcluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the degenerateinnovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors--forbade a wordof their detested language to be spoken in his family, a prohibitionreadily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anything butDutch, and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his housebecause it consisted of English cherry trees. 

The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vastprovince under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though innarrower limits. He patroled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries ofhis little territory, repelled every encroachment with intrepidpromptness: punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or hisfarmyard with inflexible severity, and conducted every stray hog or cow intriumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendlessstranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, andhis capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart, had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception tothis, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were anEnglishman or a Yankee; to whom, though he might extend the hand ofassistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality. Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop athis door, with his cart-load of tinware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peterwould issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furiousclattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of "notions" wasfain to betake himself to instant flight. 

His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, was carefully hungup in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair day ofevery month, and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grimrepose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full-lengthportrait of the renowned admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire hemaintained strict discipline, and a well organized despotic government;but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjectswas his constant object. He watched over not merely their immediatecomforts, but their morals and their ultimate welfare; for he gave themabundance of excellent admonition; nor could any of them complain, that, when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowingwholesome correction. 

The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of anoverflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuseamong my fellow citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion ofGovernor Stuyvesant. New year was truly a day of open-handed liberality, of jocund revelry and warm-hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelledwith genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with anunceremonious freedom and honest broad-mouthed merriment unknown in thesedays of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulouslyobserved throughout his dominions; nor was the day of St. Nicholassuffered to pass by without making presents, hanging the stocking in thechimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies. 

Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in fullregimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into NewAmsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind ofsaturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves atliberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased, for on this daytheir master was always observed to unbend and become exceedingly pleasantand jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's errandsfor pigeons' milk; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, andhumored his old master's jokes, as became a faithful and well disciplineddependent. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land, injuring no man, envying no man, molested by no outward strifes, perplexedby no internal commotions; and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who werevainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind bywar and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to thelittle island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from thedomestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant. 

In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children ofmortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak, which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and stillretains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan, with everyblast--so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore the portand semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame--but hisheart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. Withmatchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligenceconcerning the battles between the English and Dutch; still would hispulse beat high, whenever he heard of the victories of De Ruyter--and hiscountenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor ofthe English. At length, as on a certain day he had just smoke his fifthpipe, and was napping after dinner in his arm-chair, conquering the wholeBritish nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing ofbells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood ina ferment. But when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honor of agreat victory obtained by the combined English and French fleets over thebrave De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heartthat he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought todeath's door by a violent cholera morbus! Even in this extremity he stilldisplayed the unconquerable sprit of Peter the Headstrong--holding out tothe last gasp with inflexible obstinacy against a whole army of old women, who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutchmode of defense, by inundation. 

While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was broughthim that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat with little loss, and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of theold warrior kindled with martial fire at the words. He partly raisedhimself in bed, clinched his withered hand as if he felt within his gripethat sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Port Christina, andgiving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and expired. Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an uprightgovernor, and an honest Dutchman, who wanted only a few empires todesolate to have been immortalized as a hero!

His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur andsolemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowdedin throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All hissterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollection, while thememory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancientburghers contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall; thepopulace strove who should walk nearest to the bier, and the melancholyprocession was closed by a number of gray-bearded negroes, who hadwintered and summered in the household of their departed master for thegreater part of a century. 

With sad and gloomy countenances the multitude gathered round the grave. They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signalservices, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled, with secret upbraiding, their own factious oppositions to his government;and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never beenknown to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff apensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek; while he muttered, with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head, "Well, den!--Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last!"

His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which hehad piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, andwhich stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark'schurch, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bowery, asit was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants, who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherenceto the customs and manners that prevailed in the "good old times, " haveproved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time andoft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money-diggers, inquest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor, though I cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by theirresearches; and who is there, among my native-born fellow-citizens, thatdoes not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, heconceived it a great exploit to rob "Stuyvesant's orchard" on a holidayafternoon?

At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials ofthe immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrorsfrom the parlor wall, his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the bestbed-room; his brimstone-colored breeches were for a long while suspendedin the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between anew-married couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasuredup in the store-room as an invaluable relique. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direfuland melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting andauthentic history, there is none that occasions such deep andheart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mightyempires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion thedisastrous events by which the great dynasties of the world have beenextinguished? While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins ofstates and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that wroughttheir overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathycommensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, andpowers, have each had their rise, their progress, and their downfall; eachin its turn has swayed a potent sceptre; each has returned to its primevalnothingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their HighMightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter theDoubter, the fretful reign of William the Testy, and the chivalric reignof Peter the Headstrong. 

Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered overattentively; for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departedgreatness that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found and the lampof wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warnagainst yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that overweeningfondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state ofprosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation; to destroy its prideof character; to render it patient of insult; deaf to the calls of honorand of justice; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to hispillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Suchsupineness ensures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yieldedup produces the usurpation of a second; one encroachment passivelysuffered makes way for another; and the nation which thus, through adoting love of peace, has sacrificed honor and interest, will at lengthhave to fight for existence. 

Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary warningagainst that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts withoutsystem, depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies;which hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with the rashness ofignorance and imbecility; which stoops for popularity by courting theprejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than commanding therespect, of the rabble; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors, and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions;which mistakes procrastination for weariness--hurry fordecision--parsimony for economy--bustle for business, and vaporing forvalor; which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitatein action, and feeble in execution; which undertakes enterprises withoutforethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them withoutenergy, and ends them in confusion and defeat. 

Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor anddecision, even when destitute of cool judgment, and surrounded byperplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled couragewill command respect and secure honor, even where success is unattainable. But, at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on thegood faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the lovingprofessions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when they mostmean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions andwishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed and led, orapprehension will overpower the deference to authority. 

Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects, their intemperateharangues, their violent "resolutions, " their hectorings against an absentenemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to distrust anddespise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech, destituteof real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, andbespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them cautionus against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling anoble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foewith courtesy and proud punctilio; a contrary conduct but takes from themerit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful. 

But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn fromthe ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively willdiscover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, andare invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But before I conclude let mepoint out a solemn warning furnished in the subtle chain of events bywhich the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions ofour globe. 

Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which, if thou art aking, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasureup in thy heart, though little expectation have I that my work will fallinto such hands; for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to keep allgrave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs, lest peradventure they should read them and learn wisdom. 

By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedesenjoy a transient triumph; but drew upon their heads the vengeance ofPeter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By theconquest of New Sweden Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of LordBaltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued thewhole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement, the wholeextent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was renderedone entire dependency upon the British crown. But mark the consequence:the hitherto-scattered colonies being thus consolidated, and having norival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, andfinally becoming too strong for the mother country, were enabled to shakeoff its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire. But the chain of effects stopped not here; the successful revolution inAmerica produced the sanguinary revolution in France which produced thepuissant Bonaparte, who produced the French despotism, which has thrownthe whole world in confusion! Thus have these great Powers beensuccessively punished for their ill-starred conquests; and thus, as Iasserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disastersthat overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little FortCasimir, as recorded in this eventful history. 

And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, which, alas! must befor ever--willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thykind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of thedays of the patriarchs is not my fault; had any other person written oneas good, I should not have attempted it at all. That many will hereafterspring up and surpass me in excellence I have very little doubt, and stillless care; well knowing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who isvulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end every one attable could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should anyreader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve, though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him hewas mistaken--his good-nature by telling him he was captious--or his pureconscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when soingenious in finding offence where none was intended, it were a thousandpities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery. 

I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens tothink of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-willto forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those cynics whodespise the world, because it despises them; on the contrary, though butlow in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, andmy only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of theunbounded love I bear it. 

If, however, in this my historic production, the scanty fruit of a longand laborious life, I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for meeven to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterilesnows upon my brow; in a little while, and this genial warmth which stilllingers around my heart, and throbs, worthy reader, throbs kindly towardthyself, will be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compound of dust, which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds, may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wildflower, to adorn my beloved island of Mannahata!

THE END.