JONAH AND CO. 

BY

DORNFORD YATES

WARD, LOCK & CO. , LIMITED

LONDON AND MELBOURNE

LIBRARY EDITIONS OF "JONAH AND CO. "

 First Published September 1922 Reprinted 2, 000 October 1922 Reprinted 2, 000 October 1923 Reprinted 2, 000 September 1924 Reprinted 2, 000 May 1925 Reprinted 3, 000 February 1926 Reprinted 12, 000 June 1927 Reprinted 8, 000 March 1928 Reprinted 5, 000 August 1929 Reprinted 10, 000 August 1930 Reprinted 10, 000 February 1933 Reprinted 8, 000 December 1935 Reprinted 8, 000 March 1939 Reprinted 5, 000 February 1942 Reprinted 9, 000 December 1943

 BOOK PRODUCTION WAR ECONOMY STANDARD

 THE TYPOGRAPHY OF THIS BOOK CONFORMS TO THE AUTHORIZED ECONOMY STANDARD. 

MADE IN ENGLAND

Printed in Great Britain by Butler & Tanner Ltd. , Frome and London

To

ELM TREE ROAD

_MY LADY, _

_It is hard, sitting here, to believe that, if I would call for a cab, I could be in St. James's Street in less than ten minutes of time. Nevertheless, it is true. I have proved it so many times. Soon Ishall prove it for the last time. _

_Better men than I will sit in this study and pace the lawn in thegarden with the high walls. The lilies and laburnums and all the gayfellowship of flowers will find a new waterman. The thrushes andblackbirds and wood-pigeons will find a new victualler. The privateforecourt, so richly hung with creeper, will give back my footfalls nomore. Other eyes will dwell gratefully upon the sweet pretty house andlook proudly out of its leaded window-panes. _

_The old order changeth, my lady. And so I am going, before I amdriven out. _

_Nine years ago there was a farm upon the opposite side of the road--alittle old English farm. Going out of my door of a morning, I used tomeet ducks and geese that were taking the air. And horses came home ateven, and cows lowed. Now the farm is gone, and a garage has taken itsroom. And other changes have come, and others still are coming. _

_So, you see, my lady, it is high time I was gone. _

_This quiet study has seen the making of my books. This--the last itwill see--I make bold to offer to you for many reasons, but mainlybecause, for one thing, this house belongs to you and, for another, nohostess was ever so charming to the stranger within her gates. _

_I have the honour to be, _

 _Your ladyship's humble servant, DORNFORD YATES. _

_Number Six. _

CONTENTS

CHAP. 

 I HOW BERRY STEPPED INTO THE BREACH, AND JONAH CAME FIRST AND WAS FIRST SERVED

 II HOW THREE WAGERS WERE MADE, AND ADÈLE KILLED TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE

 III HOW A GOLDEN CALF WAS SET UP, AND NOBBY SHOWED HIMSELF A TRUE PROPHET

 IV HOW BERRY MADE AN ENGAGEMENT, JILL A PICTURE, AND ADÈLE A SLIP OF SOME IMPORTANCE

 V HOW LOVE CAME TO JILL, HERBERT TO THE RESCUE, AND A YOUNG MAN BY HIS RIGHT

 VI HOW BERRY RAN CONTRABAND GOODS, AND THE DUKE OF PADUA PLIGHTED JILL HIS TROTH

 VII HOW DAPHNE LOST HER BEDFELLOW, AND THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE PROVED IRRESISTIBLE

 VIII HOW ADÈLE BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF PERFUME WHICH HAD NO SMELL, AND I CUT EULALIE DEAD

 IX HOW JONAH TOOK OFF HIS COAT, AND BERRY FLIRTED WITH FORTUNE FOR ALL HE WAS WORTH

 X HOW BERRY SOUGHT COMFORT IN VAIN, AND NOBBY SLEPT UPON A QUEEN'S BED

 XI HOW BERRY PUT OFF HIS MANHOOD, AND ADÈLE SHOWED A FAIR PAIR OF HEELS

 XII HOW A TELEGRAM CAME FOR JILL, PIERS DEMANDED HIS SWEETHEART, AND I DROVE AFTER MY WIFE

 _All the characters in this story are imaginary and have no reference to any living person. _

JONAH AND CO. 

CHAPTER I

HOW BERRY STEPPED INTO THE BREACH, AND JONAH CAME FIRST AND WAS FIRSTSERVED. 

"Shall I massage it?" said Berry. The suggestion was loudly condemned. 

"Right, " replied my brother-in-law. "That reduces us to faith-healing. On the command 'One, ' make your mind a blank--that shouldn't bedifficult--realise that the agony you aren't suffering is imaginary, and close both legs. One! On the command 'Two'----"

"You can go, " I said wearily. "You can go. I'll write to you when Iwant you. Don't bother to leave your address. "

"But how vulgar, " said Berry. "How very vulgar. " He paused to glanceat his watch. "Dear me! Half-past ten, and I haven't had my beeryet. " He stepped to the door. "Should the pain become excruciating, turn upon the stomach and repeat Kipling's 'If. ' Should----"

My sister and Jill fairly bundled him out of the doorway. 

Sitting by my side upon the bed, Adèle laid her cheek against mine. 

"Is it any better, old chap?"

"The pain's practically stopped, " said I, "thank Heaven. Putting itup's done that. But I'm in for a stiff leg, dear. I know that. Notthat that matters really, but it means I can't drive. "

It was unfortunate that, before I had been upon French soil for half anhour, I should be kicked by a testy cab-horse of whose existence--muchless proximity--thanks to the poor lighting of Boulogne, I had beentotally unaware. I had been kicked upon the same knee in 1916. Onthat occasion I had gone with a stiff leg for a fortnight. It seemedunpleasantly probable that history would wholly repeat itself. 

"I can travel, " I continued. "I shall be able to walk with a stick, but I shan't be able to drive. And, as Jonah can't drive more than onecar at a time, Berry'll have to take the other. "

At my words Daphne started, and Jill gave a little cry. 

"B-but, Boy, he's only had three lessons. "

"I know, but he'll get through somehow. I'll sit by his side. It'llshorten my life, of course, but what else can we do? Even if Fitch washere, there's no room for a chauffeur. And you'd find towing tediousafter the first five hundred miles. "

With a white forefinger to her lips, my sister regarded me. 

"I know he's a disgrace, " she said slowly, "but he's--he's the onlyhusband I've got, Boy, and--he has his points, " she concluded softlywith the tenderest smile. 

I stretched out a hand and drew her towards me. 

"Isn't he my only brother, darling? Isn't he--Berry? I'll see hecomes to no harm. "

"You really think it's safe?"

"Perfectly. For one thing, I shall be able to reach the hand-brakerather more easily than he will.... "

My sister kissed me. 

"I like the sound of that, " she said cheerfully. 

It was the fifth day of November, and all six of us were for thePyrenees. 

A month ago Adèle and I, new-wed, had visited Pau. We had found theplace good, conceived the idea of spending the winter there, and wiredfor instructions. Within three days we had received four letters. 

The first was from Jill. 

_ADÈLE DARLING, _

_How sweet of you both to think of it! We're all simply thrilled. Tryand get one with a palm-tree and some wistaria. We miss you awfully. Tell Boy Nobby is splendid and sends his love. Oh, and he smells hiscoat every day. Isn't it pathetic P My hair won't go like yours, butI'm going to try again. All our love to you and your HUSBAND, _

_JILL. _

Then came Jonah's. 

_DEAR BOY, _

_What about tobacco? You might examine the chances of smuggling. I'msending you a hundred cigarettes conspicuously labelled BENGER'S FOOD, to see what happens. I suppose the roads are pretty bad. What aboutfishing?_

 _Yours, JONAH. _

(I subsequently received a curt communication to the effect that therewas a package, addressed to me and purporting to contain "Farine, "lying at the local custom-house. Adèle was horrified. I endeavouredto reassure her, tore up the notice, and cursed my cousin savagely. When three days had passed, and I was still at liberty, Adèle pluckedup heart, but, for the rest of our visit, upon sight of a gendarme shewas apt to become distrait and lose the thread of her discourse. )

A letter from Daphne had arrived the next day. 

_DEAREST ADÈLE, _

_We're all delighted with the idea. _

_I don't think six months would be too long. I agree that a villawould be much the best, and we're perfectly content to leave theselection to you. You know what room we must have. I suppose twobathrooms would be too much to expect. About servants: we can bringsome, but I think we ought to have a French cook to do the marketing, and perhaps one other to keep her company and help in the kitchen andhouse. Will you see what you can do? Plate and linen, of course, wecan bring. By the way, Madge Willoughby tells me that last year inFrance they had some difficulty about coal; so tell Boy to see if hecan order some now. All this, of course, if you can get a villa. _

 _Your loving sister, DAPHNE. _

Berry's came last. 

_DEAR BROTHER, _

_So we shall ourselves winter this year at Pau?_ Eh bien! _There are, perhaps, worse places. At least, the sun will shine. Ma foi, to thinkthat upon you depend all the arrangements. _ Tant pis! _My suite mustface itself south and adjoin the bathroom. Otherwise I cannot answerfor my health, or, for the matter of that, yours either. _

_Kindly omit from your next letter any reference to the mountains. "Impressions of the Pyrenees" by a fool who has been married for lessthan three weeks not only are valueless, but make my gorge rise--_uneélévation très dangereuse. 

_Which brings me to your wife. How is the shrew? Tell her I have somesocks for her to darn on her return. _

_It was thoughtful of you to emphasise the fact that the season ofgreen figs, to a surfeit of which I sincerely hope you will succumb, will be over before I reach Pau. I am inclined to think that the fivehundred cigars George sent you will be over even earlier. Besides, Ishall at once console and distend myself with_ foie gras. 

_We must have a French cook, of course--a very priestess ofGluttony--skilful to lure the timid appetite from the fastness ofsatiety. _ Enfin.... 

_I ask myself why I shall have made the trouble to write to you. Youhave, of course, an opportunity unique of making a mess with a copperbottom of my life for six months. _ Mais, mon Dieu, que vous serez puni!

Je t'embrasse, vieil haricot, sur les deux joues. 

 _BERRY_

_P. S. --This here letter is a talisman, and should be worn upon theexterior of the abdominal wall during a drought. _

Considering the nature of our holiday, Adèle and I did not do so badly. Before we left Pau, I had signed the lease of an attractive villa, standing well in its own grounds and commanding a prospect of themountains as fine as could be. Adèle had engaged a Frenchwoman and herdaughter, both of whom were well spoken of, and had been in the serviceof English and American families before the War. A supply of fuel hadbeen reserved and various minor arrangements had been concluded. Erewe were back at White Ladies, October was old. 

It had been Jonah's belated suggestion that our migration should beaccomplished by car. It was Jonah's enterprise that reduced theupheaval of our plans, consequent upon the instant adoption of hisidea, to order and convenience. By the third of November everythinghad been arranged. The heavier stuff had been embarked for Bordeaux;the servants were ready to accompany the rest of the luggage by way ofParis; the Rolls had been sold. In the latter's place we had purchasedtwo smaller cars--both new, both of the same make, both coupés, bothpainted blue. Indeed, but for their numbers, which were consecutive, we could not have told them apart. Each seated threeinside--comfortably, while a respectable quantity of baggage could beeasily bestowed in each of the capacious boots. 

Certainly my cousin's staff work had been superb. 

In the circumstances it seemed hardly fair that upon this, the firstnight of our venture, he should be faced with the labour of shepherdingboth cars, single-handed, first clear of the Customs, and then, one byone, through the cold, dark streets which led from the quay to thegarage of the hotel. 

As if she had read my thought--

"Poor Jonah!" said Adèle suddenly. "I wonder----"

A knock upon the door interrupted her. 

This, being opened, admitted Nobby, two porters, our luggage, twowaiters, a large dish of sandwiches, some beer, coffee and itsaccessories, Jonah, and finally Berry. 

"You must be tired, " said the latter. "Let's sit down, shall I?" Hesank into a chair. "And how's the comic _patella_? I well remember, when I was in Plumbago, a somewhat similar accident. A largecherry-coloured _gibus_, on its wrong side----"

"At the present moment, " said I, wrestling with the Sealyham'sadvances, "we're more concerned with your future than with your past. It's the Bank of England to a ha'p'orth of figs that to-morrow morningI shall have a stiff leg. Very good. " I paused. "Those three lessonsyou've had, " I added carelessly, "will come in useful. "

Jonah, who was filling a tumbler, started violently and spilled somebeer. Then he leaned against the wall and began to laugh helplessly. 

Coldly Berry regarded him. 

"I fail, " he said stiffly, "to see the point of your mirth. I gatherthat it is proposed to enjoy my services for the propulsion of one ofthe automobiles--that, while you will be responsible for the 'shoving'of Ping, these delicate hands will flick Pong across France. Verygood. Let the Press be informed; call forth the ballad-mongers. Whatwould have been a somewhat sordid drive will become a winged flight, sublime and deathless. "

"I trust so, " said Jonah. "Six hundred miles with a fool at the wheelis a tall order, but, if your companions survive the first two days, they ought to pull through. Try not to do more than five pounds' worthof damage to the gallon, won't you?"

"Sour grapes, " said Berry. "The professional reviles the distinguishedamateur. "

"Seriously, " said I, "it's no laughing matter. "

"I agree, " said Daphne. "You'll have to just crawl along all the way. After all, we've got six months to get there in. Promise me you won'ttry and pass anything. "

"I promise, " replied her husband. "Should another vehicle approach, I'll stop the engine and go and hide in a wood till it's gone. "

"Fool, " said his wife. "I meant 'overtake anything' of course. Youknow I did. Promise you won't try and rush past things just to get infront of them. "

I took up the cudgels. 

"We've got to get along, darling, and he can't give a promise likethat. You wouldn't want to do fifty miles behind a traction-engine, would you? Remember, I shall be by his side. He may be holding thewheel, but I shall be driving the car. Make him promise to obey meimplicitly, if you like. "

"That's right, " said Jill. "You will, won't you, Berry?"

The latter looked at Adèle. 

"Do you also subscribe to my humiliation?" he said. 

Adèle smiled and nodded. 

"Unquestionably, " she said. "By the time you get to Pau, you'll be anexpert. And then you can teach me. "

"The pill-gilder, " said my brother-in-law. "Well, well. So far as inme lies, I'll do as I'm told. But I insist upon plain English. I'mnot going to be suddenly yelled at to 'double-clutch, ' or 'feel thebrake, ' or 'close the throttle, ' or something. It makes me want toburst into tears. That fellow who was teaching me asked me, withoutany warning and in the middle of some sheep, what I should do if one ofmy 'big ends were to run out. ' I said I should consult a specialist, but the question upset me. Indirectly, it also upset the shepherd.... Which reminds me, I never knew a human being could jump so far. Themoment he felt the radiator.... "

"You never told us this, " said Daphne reproachfully. "If I'd knownyou'd knocked somebody down----"

"I never knocked him down, " said Berry. "I tell you he jumped.... Westopped, of course, and explained. He was a little nettled at first, but we parted on the best of terms. "

"It's all very well, " said my sister, "but I'd no idea----"

"Every dog must have his bite, " said I, laughing. "He won't do itagain. And now, since I'm tethered, will somebody give me some beer?"

Then and there supper was consumed. 

A vigorous discussion of the turn events had taken, and the advancementand scrutiny of a variety of high speculations regarding the probablestyle of our progress to Pau, prevailed until past twelve o'clock, butat length the others were evicted, and Adèle, Nobby, and I were able toprepare for the night. 

Out of the luxurious silence of a hot bath Adèle's voice came floatinginto the bedroom. 

"Boy!"

"Yes, lady?"

"I wish I was going with you to-morrow instead of Daphne. "

"So do I, " I said heartily. 

Adèle sighed. Then--

"It can't be helped, " she said. "I think, on the whole, she would haveworried more than I shall. "

"Not a doubt of it, " said I cheerfully. "As she said, Berry's the onlyhusband she's got. "

Adèle choked. Presently--

"The real reason, " she said, "is because she mistrusts her husband evenmore than I trust mine. "

When I had worked this out--

"Aha, " I said pleasedly. 

"But then, of course, " said Adèle, "she's been married much longer. "

 * * * * *

With Rouen as our objective, we left Boulogne the next morning at teno'clock. To speak more accurately, we left the hotel at ten o'clockand Boulogne itself some forty minutes later. The negotiation of anup-gradient leading out of the town was responsible for the delay. 

My sister and I shall remember that hill so long as we live. So, Iimagine, will Berry. We were half-way up when he stopped the enginefor the first time. We were still half-way up when he stopped it forthe eighth time. Indeed, it was at this juncture that I suggested thathe should rest from his labours and smoke a cigarette. 

My brother-in-law shook his head. 

"Shall I slide down backwards and begin again?" he inquired. 

"No, thanks, " said I. "I have a foolish preference for facing death. "

"D'you think we could push it up?" said Daphne. 

"Frankly, " said I, "I don't. You see, she weighs over a ton withoutthe luggage. "

Berry cleared his throat. 

"I am not, " he said, "going through the farce of asking what I dowrong, because I know the answer. It's not the right one, but you seemincapable of giving any other. "

"I am, " said I. 

"Well, don't say it, " said Berry, "because, if you do, I shall scream. No man born of woman could let in that clutch more slowly, and yet yousay it's too fast. The truth is, there's something wrong with the car. "

"There soon will be, " I retorted. "The starter will fail. Then everytime you stop the engine you'll have to get out and crank. That'llmake you think. "

"'Make me think'?" yelled Berry. "D'you think I haven't been thinking?D'you think I'm not thinking now? Haven't I almost burst my brainswith thinking?" Daphne began to laugh helplessly. "That's right, "added her husband savagely. "See the humorous side. I may go mad anyminute, but don't let that stop you. " And, with that, he set his footupon the self-starter. 

When he had stopped the engine another three times, he applied thehand-brake with unnecessary violence, sank back in his seat, and foldedhis hands. 

My sister and I clung to one another in an agony of stifled mirth. 

Berry closed his eyes. 

"My work, " he said quietly, "is over. I now see that it is ordainedthat we shall not leave this spot. There's probably an angel in theway with a drawn sword, and the car sees it, although we can't. Anyway, I'm not going to fight against Fate. And now don't speak to me. I'm going to dwell on bullock-carts and goat-chaises and otherhorse-drawn vehicles. I shan't last many minutes, and I should like todie in peace. "

With a swift rush, Ping drew up alongside. From its interior Adèle, Jill, Nobby and Jonah peered at us excitedly. 

"Hullo!" said the latter. "What's up?"

"Go away, " said Berry. "Drive on to your doom. An apparition hasappeared to us, warning us not to proceed. It was quite definite aboutit. Good-bye. "

"Jonah, old chap, " said I, "I'm afraid you're for it. Unless you takeus up, we shall be here till nightfall. "

With a groan my cousin opened his door and descended into the road.... 

One minute later we were at the top of the hill. 

"And now, " said Daphne, with the _Michelin Guide_ open upon her knees, "now for Montreuil. "

When five minutes had passed and my brother-in-law was breathingthrough his nose less audibly, I lighted a cigarette and ventured tolook about me. 

It was certainly a fine highway that we were using. Broad, direct, smooth beyond all expectation, it lay like a clean-cut sash upon thecountryside, rippling away into the distance as though it were indeedthat long, long lane that hath no turning. Presently a curve wouldcome to save the face of the proverb, but the bends were few in number, and, as a general rule, did little more than switch the road a point ortwo to east or west, as, the mood took them. There was little traffic, and the surface was dry. 

Something had been said about the two cars keeping together, but I wasnot surprised when Jonah passed us like a whirlwind before we werehalf-way to Samer. He explained afterwards that he had stuck it aslong as he could, but that to hold a car down to twenty on a road likea private racing-track was worse than "pulling. "

Fired by Jonah's example, Berry laid hold of the wheel, and we took thenext hill at twenty-five. 

It was a brilliant day, but the cold was intense, and I think we wereall glad that Pong was a closeable car. That Winter's reign had begunwas most apparent. There was a bleak look upon the country's face:birch-rods that had been poplars made us gaunt avenues: here and therethe cold jewellery of frost was sparkling. I fell to wondering how farsouth we must go to find it warmer. 

Presently we came to Montreuil. 

As we entered the little town--

"This, " said I, "was the headquarters of the British ExpeditionaryForce. From behind these walls----"

"Don't talk, " said Daphne, "or I shall make a mistake. Round to theleft here. Wait a minute. No, that's right. And straight on. What ablessing this _Michelin Guide_ is! Not too fast, Berry. Straight on. This ought to be _Grande Rue_. " She peered out of the window. "Yes, that's right. Now, in a minute you turn to the left.... "

After all, I reflected, we had to get to Rouen, and it was past mid-day. 

We had sworn not to lunch before we had passed Abbeville, so, since wehad breakfasted betimes, I furtively encouraged my brother-in-law to"put her along. " His response was to overtake and pass a lorry uponthe wrong side, drive an unsuspecting bicyclist into a ditch andswerve, like a drunken sea-gull, to avoid a dead fowl. As we weregoing over forty it was all over before we knew where we were, but theimpression of impending death was vivid and lasting, and nearly aminute had elapsed before I could trust my voice. 

"Are we still alive?" breathed Daphne. "I'm afraid to open my eyes. "

"I think we must be, " said I. "At least, I'm still thirsty, if that'sanything to go by. "

"I consider, " said Berry, "that the way in which I extricated us fromthat _impasse_ was little short of masterly. That cyclist ought toremember me in his prayers. "

"I don't want to discourage you, " I said grimly, "but I shouldn't bankon it. "

The plan of Abbeville, printed in the Guide, was as simple to read aswere my sister's directions to follow. At a critical moment, however, Berry felt unable to turn to the right. 

"The trouble is, " he explained, as we plunged into a maze of backstreets, "I've only got two hands and feet. To have got round thatcorner, I should have had to take out the clutch, go into third, release the brake, put out a hand, accelerate, sound the clarion andput the wheel over simultaneously. Now, with seven limbs I could havedone it. With eight, I could also have scratched myself--an operation, I may say, which can be no longer postponed. " He drew up before a_charcuterie_ and mopped his face. "What a beautiful bunch ofsausages!" he added. "Shall we get some? Or d'you think they'd bedead before we get to Rouen?"

In contemptuous silence Daphne lowered her window, accosted the firstpasser-by, and asked the way. An admission that it was possible toreach the Neufchatel road without actually retracing our steps was atlength extracted, and, after a prolonged study of the plan, my sistergave the word to proceed. Save that we twice mounted the pavement, grazed a waggon, and literally brushed an urchin out of the way, ouremergence from Abbeville was accomplished without further incident. 

With the knowledge that, barring accidents, we ought to reach Rouen byhalf-past five, we ventured to devour a wayside lunch some ten minuteslater. 

It was after Neufchatel that the surface of the great grey road arguedneglect in no uncertain terms. For mile after mile, fat bulls ofBasan, in the shape of gigantic pot-holes, gaped threateningly upon us. Berry, who was driving much better, did all that he could, but only atrick-cyclist could have picked his way between them. The carhiccoughed along piteously.... 

With the approach of darkness, driving became a burden, being driven aweariness of the flesh, and we were all thankful when we slid down apaved hill into the Cathedral City and, presently, past the greatchurch and on to the very bank of the River Seine. 

The others had been awaiting us for nearly two hours. 

 * * * * *

"With this sun, " said Adèle, "they ought to be glorious. "

Impiously I reflected that Berry was almost certainly enjoying hisbreakfast in bed. 

"I expect they will, " I said abstractedly. 

Adèle slid an arm through mine. 

"It's very sweet of you to come with me, Boy. "

I stood still and looked at her. 

"You're a wonderful child, " I said. "When you speak like that, I wantto kick myself and burst into song simultaneously. I suppose that'sLove. "

"I expect so, " said Adèle mischievously. 

Five minutes later we were standing beneath the shadow of ChartresCathedral. 

We had come, my wife and I, to see the windows. The day before hadbeen dull, and what light there was had been failing when we hadvisited the shrine. To-day, however, was all glorious. 

If we had risen early, we had our reward. 

The place had become a gallery with jewels for pictures. Out of thesombre depths the aged webs of magic glowed with the matchless flush ofprecious stones. From every side colours we had not dreamed ofenriched our eyes. To make the great west rose, the world herselfmight have been spoiled of her gems. Looking upon this mystery, no mancan wonder that the art is lost. Clearly it went the way of Babel. For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. Windows the sun was lightingwere at once more real and more magnificent. Crimsons and blues, purples and greens, yellows and violets, blazed with that ancientmajesty which only lives to-day in the peal of a great organ, the callof a silver trumpet, or the proud roll of drums. Out of the gorgeouspageant mote-ridden rays issued like messengers, to badge the cold greystone with tender images and set a smile upon the face of stateliness. "Such old, old panes, " says someone. "Six hundred years and more. Howwonderful!" Pardon me, but I have seen them, and it is not wonderfulat all. Beneath their spell, centuries shrink to afternoons. Thewindows of Chartres are above Time. They are the peepholes ofImmortality. 

We returned to the hotel in time to contribute to a heated argumentupon the subject of tipping. 

"It's perfectly simple, " said Berry. "You think of what you would hateto have given before the War, double it, add forty per cent. For theincreased cost of living, halve it because of the Exchange, ask themwhether they'd like it in notes or gold, and pay them inpostage-stamps. "

"I want to know, " said Daphne, "what to give the chambermaid. "

"Eight francs fifty. That's the equivalent of half-a-crown before theWar. "

"Nonsense, " said his wife. "Five francs is heaps, and you know it. "

"I think it's too much, " said Berry. "Give her one instead, and tellher you've hidden the rest in the bathroom and that, when she touchesthe towel-rail, she's warm. "

"As a matter of fact, " said Jill uneasily, "it's all over. I've doneit. "

There was a dreadful silence. Then--

"Tell us the worst, " said I, "and get it over. "

"I'm--I'm afraid I gave her rather a lot, but she had a nice face. "

"She had a nice step, " said Berry. "I noticed that about five thismorning. "

"How much?" said I relentlessly. 

Jill looked round guiltily. 

"I gave her fifty, " she said. 

There was a shriek of laughter. 

"Did she faint?" said Berry. "Or try to eat grass, or anything?"

Gravely Jill shook her head. 

"She talked a great deal--very fast. I couldn't follow her. And thenshe turned away and began to cry. I was so glad I'd done it. "

"So are we all, " said Daphne. 

She was supported heartily. 

Jonah looked at his watch. 

"I suggest, " he said, "that we start at eleven, then we shall fetch upin time to see the cathedral. "

"How far is Tours?" said Daphne. 

"Eighty-six miles. "

"Let's keep together to-day, " said Jill. "It's much more fun. "

Her brother shook his head. 

"I don't want, " he said, "to be arrested for loitering. "

"Don't you worry, " said Berry. "We wouldn't be seen with you. "

Jonah sighed. 

"Where there's a will there's a way, " he murmured. 

"More, " said Berry. "We regard you rather less than the dust beneathour detachable wheels. You pollute the road with your hoghood. Isuppose it's no use asking you to keep behind us. "

"None whatever, " replied our cousin. "Why should we?"

"Well, " said Berry, "supposing a tire discovers that I'm driving andbursts with pride, who's going to change the wheel?"

Jonah stifled a yawn. 

"You can't have it both ways, " he said. "If we're to warn people notto shoot at you, we must be in front. "

Berry regarded his finger-nails. 

"Perhaps you're right, " he said. "Think of me when you get your thirdpuncture, won't you? And remember that my heart goes out to you inyour tire trouble and that you have all my love. Then you won't sweatso much. "

Half an hour later Pong stormed out of the garage and into the _Placedes Epars_. 

Adèle's wish had been granted, and she was travelling with Berry and meinstead of with Jonah. 

For this new order of battle Nobby was solely responsible. Upon thefirst day's journey the terrier had whined all the way to Rouen becausehe had wanted to be with me. As one of his audience, Jonah had beenoffensively outspoken regarding this predilection. Upon the followingday the dog's desire had been gratified, whereupon he had whined allthe way to Chartres because he was apart from Adèle. Commenting uponthis unsuspected devotion, Berry had been quite as outspoken as Jonah, and much more offensive. Naturally, to withstand such importunity wasout of the question, and, since it was impossible for me to leaveBerry, the line of least resistance was followed, and Daphne and Adèlechanged places. 

Our way out of Chartres was short and simple, and, with the exceptionof temporarily obstructing two trams by the artless expedient ofremaining motionless upon the permanent way, Pong emerged from the citywithout a stain upon his character. 

The Vendôme road looked promising and proved excellent. Very soon wewere flying. For all that, Jonah overtook us as we were nearingBonneval.... 

It was some thirty minutes later, as we were leaving Châteaudun, that asour-faced _gendarme_ with a blue nose motioned to us to stop. Standing upon the near pavement, the fellow was at once conversing witha postman and looking malevolently in our direction. I think we allscented mischief. 

"What can he want?" growled Berry, as he brought the car to astandstill. 

"He's probably being officious, " said I, getting our papers ready. "We're strangers, and he's in a bad humour. Consequently, he's goingto scrutinise our _triptyque_, passports, passes and certificates, tosee if he can accuse us of anything. Happily they're all in order, sohe'll be disappointed. When he's thoroughly satisfied that he canbring no charge against us, he'll order us to proceed. "

"He's taking his time about it, " observed my brother-in-law. 

I looked up from the documents. 

My gentleman was still talking to the postman, while his pig's eyeswere still surveying the car. From his companion's demeanour, heseemed to be whetting his wit at our expense. 

"This is intolerable, " said I. "Ask him what he wants, lady. "

Adèle leaned forward and put her head out of the window. 

"I think you wished us to stop, _Monsieur_?"

The _gendarme_ waved his hand. 

"Wait, " he said insolently. 

The postman sniggered shamefacedly. 

Adèle sank back in her seat, her cheeks flaming. 

In a voice trembling with passion I conjured Berry to proceed. 

The moment the car moved, the official sprang forward, gesticulatingfuriously. 

As we passed him, I put out my head. 

"Now it's our turn, " I said warmly, "to make the postman laugh. "

From the hoarse yells which followed us, it was clear that we had leftthe fellow beside himself with rage. Looking back through the littlewindow, I could see him dancing. Suddenly he stopped, peered after us, and then swung about and ran ridiculously up the street. 

"Blast him, he's going to telephone!" said I. "Where's the map?"

Together Adèle and I pored over the sections. 

"If, " said Berry, "you're going to direct me to turn off, for Heaven'ssake be quick about it. At the present moment I'm just blinding alonginto the blue and, for all I know, an oversized hornets' nest. Ofcourse they mayn't sting when there's an 'r' in the month, but thenthey mightn't know that. Or am I thinking of oysters?"

"They'll stop us at Vendôme, " said I. "Not before. Right oh! We mustturn to the right at Cloyes and make for St. Calais. We can get roundto Tours that way. It'll take us about twenty miles out of our way, but----"

"Yes, and when we don't show up at Vendôme, they'll wire to Calais. Seriously, as Shakespeare says, I'm all of a doo-dah. "

That we should be stopped at St. Calais was not likely, and I said asmuch. What did worry me, because it was far more probable, was thatwhen they drew blank at Vendôme, the authorities would telephone toTours. Any apprehension, however, regarding our reception at that citywas soon mercifully, unmercifully, and somewhat paradoxicallyovershadowed by a more instant anxiety lest we should never arrivethere at all. From the moment we left the main road, the obstacles inthe shape of uncharted roads and villages, pavements, cattle, goats, ahorse fair, and finally a series of appalling gradients, opposed ourpassage. All things considered, my brother-in-law drove admirably. But it was a bad business, and, while my wife and Berry were verystaunch, I think we all regretted that I had been so high with BlueNose. 

Night had fallen ere we slunk into Tours. 

Fully expecting to find that the others had well-nigh given us up, wewere astounded to learn at the hotel that Ping had not yet arrived. Indeed, we had finished dinner, and were debating seriously whether weshould take a hired car and go to seek them, when there was a flurry ofsteps in the corridor, Nobby rushed to the door, and the next momentDaphne and Jill burst into the room. 

"My darling, " said Berry, advancing, "where on earth have you been?"

My sister put her arms about his neck and looked into his eyes. 

"Kiss me 'Good-bye, '" she said. "Jonah's just coming. "

Her husband stared at her. Then--

"Is it as bad as all that?" he said. "Dear, dear. And how did he getthe booze?"

Somebody cleared his throat. 

I swung round, to see Jonah regarding us. 

"You three beauties, " he said. "Four with Nobby. "

"But what do you mean?" said Adèle. "What have we done?"

"Done?" cried Jonah. "Done? Where d'you think we've been?"

"It can't have been goats that stopped you, " said Berry, "because I hadall the goats. There was a great rally of goats at St. Calais thisafternoon. It was a wonderful smell--I mean sight. "

"Guess again, " said Jonah grimly. 

"You haven't been waiting for us on the road?" said I. 

"You're getting warmer, " was the reply. 

Adèle gave a sudden cry. 

"O-o-oh, Jonah, " she gasped, "you've been at Vendôme!"

I started violently, and Berry, who was about to speak, choked. 

"That's right, " said Jonah shortly. "Nice little place--what I saw ofit.... Lovely view from the police-station. " He leaned against themantelpiece and lighted a cigarette. "It may amuse you to know, " headded, "that the expiation of your crime took us six and a half hoursand cost five hundred francs. "

In response to our thirsty enquiries, the tale came bubbling. 

My surmise that the blue-nosed _gendarme_ would telephone to Vendômehad been well-founded. He had forwarded an exact description of Pong, together with the letters and the first three figures of the fourappearing upon the number-plate. Six minutes later Ping had sailedinnocently into Vendôme--and up to her doom.... 

The Vendôme police could hardly believe their eyes. Here was theoffending car, corresponding in every particular to the one describedto them, admittedly fresh from Châteaudun, yet having covered thethirty-nine kilometres in eleven minutes. It was amazing ... Almostincredible ... Almost.... Of outlaws, however, all things werecredible--even a speed of one hundred and thirty-six miles an hour. For it was without doubt that outlaw which had flouted Authority atChâteaudun. Oh, indubitably. And, having thus flouted Authority, whatwas more natural than that it should endeavour to outstrip theconsequences of its deed? But, _mon Dieu_, what wickedness!

In vain had Jonah protested and Daphne declared their innocence. Thetelephone was again requisitioned, and the blue-nosed _gendarme_summoned and cross-examined. As luck would have it, he could not speakto the passengers, beyond affirming that they included one man and onewoman.... When he gratuitously added that the reason why he could notswear to the whole of the number was because of the terrible pace atwhich the car was moving, the game was up.... 

Finding that the accusation of travelling at a horrifying speed wasassuming a serious look, my sister and cousins at length decided thatthey had no alternative but to give us away. They had, of course, realised that Pong was implicated from the beginning. Consequently, with the flourish of one who has hit upon the solution of a problem, they divulged our existence. They were politely, but whollydisbelieved. In reply, they had politely, but confidently, invited thepolice to wait and see.... 

For over four hours they had anxiously awaited the arrival of Pong. When at last the humiliating truth began to dawn upon them, and itbecame evident that we had ruled Vendôme out of our itinerary, theshock of realising, not only that they were to be denied an opportunityof refuting the charges preferred, but that they were destined to leavethe town branded as three of the biggest and most unsuccessful liarsever encountered, had well-nigh reduced Daphne and Jill to tears. Andwhen, upon the sickly resumption of negotiations, it appeared highlyprobable that they would not be permitted to proceed, Jill had weptopenly.... 

France is nothing if not emotional. 

Visibly affected by her distress, the police had immediately becomeless hostile. Observing this, Daphne had discreetly followed hercousin's example. Before the sledge-hammer blows of their lamentationtwo gendarmes began to sniff and a third broke down. The girlsredoubled their sobs. They were practically there. 

"You never saw anything like it, " concluded Jonah. "Within threeminutes four of the police were crying, and the head bottle-washer wasbeating his breast and imploring me in broken accents to explain awaymy guilt. I threw five hundred francs on his desk and covered my eyes. With tears rolling down his cheeks, he pushed the notes under ablotting-pad and wrote laboriously upon a buff sheet. Then a woman wasproduced. Between explosions of distress she made us some tea. Incommon decency we couldn't push off for a while. Besides, I wasn'tquite sure that it was all over. However, everybody seemed tooovercome to say anything, so, after a bit, we chanced it and made amove for the car. To my relief, they actually helped us in, and two ofthem fought as to who should start us up. " He looked round coldly. "And now, perhaps, you'll be good enough to tell us what we've beenpunished for. "

I told what there was to tell. 

As I came to the end. Berry nodded at Jonah. 

"Yes, " he said unctuously, "and let this be a lesson to you, brother. "

Speechless with indignation, our cousin regarded him. 

At length--

"What d'you mean?" he demanded. 

Berry raised his eyebrows. 

"I hardly think, " he said, "the penalty for--er--loitering would havebeen so vindictive. "

CHAPTER II

HOW THREE WAGERS WERE MADE, AND ADÈLE KILLED TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE

We had slept, risen and breakfasted: we had visited Tours Cathedral:finally, we had mustered in the lounge of the hotel. It was when wehad there been insulting one another for nearly an hour, that Jonahlooked at his watch. 

"We have now, " he said, "wasted exactly forty-nine minutes in kickingagainst the pricks. Short of a European war, you can't alter thegeography of France, and the laws of Mathematics take a lot ofupsetting. It's no good wishing that Bordeaux was Biarritz, or thatPau was half the distance it is from Angoulême. If you don't want togo right through, you must stay at Bordeaux. It's the only possibleplace. If you don't want to stay at Bordeaux, you must go rightthrough. I don't care which we do, but I do want to see something ofPoitiers, and, if we don't get a move on, we shan't have time. "

All the way from Boulogne France had made an excellent host. So farshe had never failed to offer us a good night's lodging, with Historyas a bedfellow, at the end of a respectable run. Indeed, from thepoint of view of they that go down to the South in cars, her famouscapitals could hardly have been more conveniently disposed. This veryevening, by lodging us at Angoulême, she was to repeat such hospitalityfor the last time. Upon the morrow we should be faced with a choice ofmaking a dash for the villa which was awaiting our arrival at Pau, orbreaking the journey asunder--but by no means in half--by sleeping atBordeaux. 

"I must confess, " said Daphne, "that, for some reason or other, Bordeaux doesn't attract me. Incidentally, I'm getting rather tired ofunpacking and packing up. "

"So far, " said her husband, "as the bestowal and disinterment of myeffects are concerned, I can confirm that statement. Indeed, if we hadanother week on the road, you'd both be exhausted. You left my spongeand bedroom-slippers at Boulogne, my dressing-gown at Rouen, and mypyjamas at Chartres. I wish you'd tell me what you've left here. I'msimply dying to know. "

"No, " said Daphne. "You must wait till Angoulême. I wouldn't spoil itfor anything. "

"Jade, " said her husband. "And now, stand back, please, everybody. Iwant to do a little stock-taking. " With that, from every pocket heproduced French notes of all denominations, in all stages of decay, andheaped them upon the table. "Now, this one, " he added, gingerlyextracting a filthy and dilapidated rag, "is a particularly interestingspecimen. Apparently, upon close inspection, merely a valuablesecurity, worth, to be exact, a shade under twopence-half-penny, it isin reality a talisman. Whosoever touches it, cannot fail to contractat least two contagious diseases within the week. In view of thetemperature of my coffee this morning, I'm saving it for thehead-waiter. "

"When, " said I, "do you expect to go down?"

"The pure in heart, " said Berry, "are proof against its malignity. Don't you come too near. And look at this sere and yellow leaf. Now, that represents one franc. When I think that, upon offering that to abar-tender, I shall not only not be assaulted, but shall actuallyreceive a large bottle of beer and be lent a two-and-sixpenny glassfrom which to imbibe the same, I feel the deepest reverence for theFrench Government. No other authority in the world could possibly putup such a bluff and get away with it. "

"They are awful, " said Jill, peering. 

"They're perfectly beastly, " said Berry, "and wholly ridiculous. However, since they're also legal tender, I suppose I may as well tryand sort them out. What I really need is some rubber gloves and abox-respirator. Hullo! Just catch that one, will you? He's seen thatdog over there.... You know, I'm not at all sure that they get enoughair in my pocket. I suppose we couldn't get a hutch for the moreadvanced ones. I mean, I don't want to be cruel. "

Again Jonah looked at his watch. 

"We have now, " he said, "wasted fifty-six minutes in----"

"Excuse me, " said Berry, "but isn't this touching? Here's affectionateAlbert. " With the words, he laid a two-franc note tenderly upon mysleeve. "Now, I bet you don't get him off without tearing him. "

Disgustedly I managed to detach Albert, who instantly adhered to myfingers. 

There was a shriek of laughter. 

"Stick to him, " said Berry. "I've lost the bet. "

The injunction was unnecessary. 

After Albert had clung once to Adèle's--happily, gloved--fingers andtwice to each of my hands, I trod upon him. Some of Albert was stillupon my boot that evening at Angoulême. 

"For the last time, " said Jonah, "I appeal to you all to let thatdog-eared mountebank rake over his muck-heap, and attend to me. "

My brother-in-law addressed Adèle. 

"It is, " he said, "a discreditable but incontrovertible fact thatsaints have always been reviled. I suppose it's jealousy. " He turnedto his wife. "By the way, did you pack my _aureola_? I left ithanging on the towel-rail. "

"If, " said Daphne, "you're referring to your body-belt, it's with yourbed-socks. "

"And why not between your flannel vests?" said her husband. "The greyones we found at Margate, I mean. With the imitation bone buttons. Ah, here we are. Now, if half a franc's no earthly, what'll who giveme for two-thirds of fifty centimes?"

Jonah sank into a chair and closed his eyes. 

"Look here, " said I desperately. "Once for all, are we going to stayat Bordeaux, or are we going right through?"

"I think we'd all rather go right through, " said Jill. 

"I know I would, " said her brother. "And if Boy's leg was all right, Ishouldn't hesitate. I'll answer for Ping. But, frankly, with Berrydriving, I doubt if Pong'll fetch up. I mean, two hundred andtwenty-two miles takes some biting off. "

There was a pregnant silence. Then--

"He'll never do it, " said Daphne. 

Her husband, who was still busy with his paper, looked up defiantly. Then he took a thousand-franc note and laid it apart from its fellowsupon the table. 

"I will wager that shekel, " he said deliberately, "that, with a startof one hour to-morrow, Pong reaches Pau before Ping. "

There was a gasp of astonishment. 

"Done, " said Jonah. "What's more, I'll bet you another you don't getin before ten. "

Berry raised his eyes to heaven. 

"An insult, " he said. "Never mind. Your dross shall wipe it out. Itake you. "

"And I, " said I, not to be outdone, "will put another on Pong for thedouble. "

I felt that my honour was involved. After all, if I had not trainedthe mount, I was training the jockey. 

"Right, " said Jonah. "Will you both pay me now, or wait till you'reout of hospital?"

"I think, " said I, "we'll have a run for our money. "

The bets were made, and there was an end of it. But when we were againin the car, and my brother-in-law was threading his way out of Tours, Ibegan to repent my rashness. 

Considering that, when he took the wheel at Boulogne, Berry had hadonly three lessons in the management of a car, he had done mostcreditably. My brother-in-law was no fool. Moreover, on leavingRouen, he and I had joined forces. Sitting beside him in the coupé, Ihad driven the car with his hands--after a little practice--withastonishing results. In two days we had, we prided ourselves, raisedsuch collaboration from the ranks of the Mechanical to the society ofthe Fine Arts. My part was comparatively easy. Sinking his initiativehe had more nearly converted himself into an intelligent piece ofmechanism than I would have believed possible. It would, of course, bevain to suggest that Pong would not have gone faster if I had been ableto drive with my own hands, or Berry had had my experience. Still, wehad come very well, and with a start of a whole hour and a littleluck.... Another point in our favour was that Adèle, who with Nobbycompleted our crew, had a pronounced gift for map-reading. She had aneye to country. She seemed to be able to scent the line we ought totake. The frequent treachery of signposts she laughed to scorn. Uponthe morrow her confident assistance would be invaluable.... 

What, when I made my bet, I had entirely forgotten, was that we werenot always upon the open road. There was the rub. From Angoulême toPau towns would have to be penetrated--among them Bordeaux itself--andin the towns our system had broken down. In a crowded street, though Icould still administer, Berry could not execute. When I endeavoured toallow for his inexperience of traffic, I found it impossible accuratelyto gauge his capabilities. After a failure or two, it had been agreedthat he should negotiate such streets as we encountered without myinterference.... Of my haste to support Pong's honour, I had forgottenthe towns. 

With years of practice behind us, Jonah and I could thrust throughtraffic, happy enough with an odd inch to spare. Naturally enough, Berry had no such confidence. An inch was of no use to him. He musthave a good ell, and more also, before he would enter a gap. In thetrough of a narrow street he laboured heavily.... There was no doubtabout it. The towns through which we should have to pass on Wednesdaywould settle our chances. My money was as good as gone. 

It seemed equally probable that Berry would save his stake. Barringaccidents of the grosser sort, if we started betimes, we were bound toreach Pau before ten. Such a protasis robbed the bet of its savour. With a thousand francs at stake, it would be foolish not to takereasonable care. And the taking of reasonable care would all buteliminate the element of uncertainty.... There was no getting awayfrom it. Of the two wagers, only the first was worth winning. Toreach Pau before Jonah would be a veritable triumph. 

Moodily I communicated my reflections to Adèle. 

"I thought it was rather rash at the time, " she replied. "But I thinkthere's a sporting chance. "

"That's right, " said Berry. "Put your money on uncle. With enoughencouragement I can do anything. "

"Permit me to encourage you to blow your horn, " said I. "That child infront of you is too young to die. " My brother-in-law obeyed. "All thesame, I'm afraid we're for it. It isn't so much a question of pace, pure and simple, for Jonah's a careful driver. But his street work isbeautiful. "

Berry sighed. 

"I suppose he'd pass between those two waggons, " he said sarcastically. 

"He would, " said I. 

"I don't think you quite see where I mean, " said Berry, pointing. "Imean along that temporary passage, which would admit a smallperambulator. "

As he spoke, Ping brushed past us, slipped between the two wains, anddisappeared. 

Berry stared after it in silence. At length--

"I withdraw, " he said. "I'm not a conjurer. If everybody stood wellback I used to be able to produce an egg, broken or unbroken accordingto the temperature of my hands, from a handkerchief about six feetsquare. People were very nice about it, very nice. But an inabilityto introduce a quart into a pint pot has always been among my failings. Don't say I've got to turn to the left here, because I can't bear it. "

"No, " said Adèle, smiling. "Straight on. "

"What--past the steam roller? How very touching! Excuse me, messieurs, but would you mind suspending your somewhat boisterous_travail_? My little car is frightened.... No answer. I suppose Imust pass it. Or shall we turn back? You know, I didn't really halfsee the cathedral!"

"Go on, " I said mercilessly. "Jam your foot on the accelerator andshut your eyes. Oh, and you might hold Nobby a minute, will you? Iwant to light a cigarette. "

Adèle began to shake with laughter. 

"With pleasure, " said Berry acidly. "And then I'll help you on withyour coat. I may say that, if you touch me with that mammal, I shallpress and pull everything I can see and burst into tears. I'm allstrung up, I am. "

There was not much room, and the roller was ponderously closing in, butwith a protruding tongue our luckless chauffeur crept slowly past themonster in safety, and a moment later we were scudding up the Poitiersroad. 

Now that we were clear of the town, we set to work diligently. Adèlepored over the map and the Michelin Guide; Berry turned himself into amechanical doll; and I maintained a steady issue of orders until mythroat was sore. 

The weather was fair and the going was good. Her new-born stiffnessbeginning to wear off, Pong went better than ever. Berry excelledhimself. 

With every kilometre we covered my spirits rose, and when we overtookJonah on the outskirts of Chatellerault, I could have flung up my cap. 

The latter was clearly immensely surprised to see us, and when westopped, as was our custom, at a _charcuterie_ to buy our lunch, andPing had followed our example, leaned out of his window and asked mepointedly whether my leg was yet stiff. 

Concealing a smile, I regretted that it was. 

Jonah fingered his chin. 

"Of course, " he said warily, "it's a condition precedent that you don'tdrive to-morrow. "

"Of course, " I agreed. 

The confession of uneasiness, however, did my heart good. It was plainthat my imperturbable cousin was getting nervous. 

As we moved off again--

"We must lunch soon, " said Berry. "My mouth's watering so fast, Ican't keep up with it. "

I patted Adèle's arm. 

"Now you know the way to his heart, " I said. "Straight through thestomach, and----"

"But how gross!" said Berry. "And how untrue! Naturally ascetic, butfor the insistence of my physicians, I should long ago have let my hairgrow and subsisted entirely on locusts and motionless lemonade. But aharsh Fate ruled otherwise. Excuse me, but I think that that therebasket or ark in which the comfort is enshrined is rather near theconduit through which flows that sparkling liquid which, when vapoured, supplies our motive power. And _foie gras_ is notoriously susceptibleto the baneful influence of neighbouring perfumes. Thank you. Ifthose bits of heaven were to taste of petrol, it would shorten my life. And now, where was I?"

I turned to Adèle. 

"He's off, " said I. "The prospect of gluttony always loosens histongue. There's really only one way to stop him. What about lunchingat the top of this hill? Or can you bear it till we've passedPoitiers?"

A mischievous look came into Adèle's brown eyes. 

"It's not half-past twelve yet, " she said slowly. My brother-in-lawgroaned. "Still ... I don't know.... After all, we did havebreakfast rather early, didn't we?"

Berry smacked his lips. 

"A sensible woman, " he said, "is above boobies. "

As he spoke, Ping swept by stormily. 

There was a moment's silence. Then--

"Hurray, " cried Adèle excitedly; "we've got a rise!"

It was patently true. Jonah was wishful to reassure himself upon apoint which an hour ago he had taken for granted. The reflection thatat the moment we had not been trying to outdistance him increased ourdelight. All the same, his ability to out-drive us was unquestionable. But whether he could give us the start he had agreed to was anothermatter. 

We ate a festive lunch.... 

An hour with Poitiers is like a sip of old wine. 

The absence of the stir and bustle which fret her sister capitals isnotable. So reverend and thoughtful is the old grey-muzzled town thatit is hard to recognise the bristling war-dog that bestrode thetoughest centuries, snarled in the face of Fate, and pulled down Time. The old soldier has got him a cassock and become a gentle-faceddominie. The sleepy music of bells calling, the pensive air of study, the odour of simple piety, the sober confidence of great possessions, are most impressive. Poitiers has beaten her swords into crosiers andher spears into tuning-forks. Never was there an old age so ripe, somellow, so becoming. With this for evidence, you may look History inthe eyes and swear that you have seen Poitiers in the prime of her fulllife. The dead will turn in their graves to hear you; children unbornwill say you knew no better. And Poitiers will take the threefoldcompliment with a grave smile. She has heard it so often. 

Celt, Roman, Visigoth, Moor, Englishman--all these have held Poitiersin turn. Proud of their tenure, lest History should forget, three atleast of them have set up their boasts in stone. The place was, Iimagine, a favourite. Kings used her, certainly. Dread HarryPlantagenet gave her a proud cathedral. Among her orchards Coeur deLion worshipped Jehane, jousted, sang of a summer evening, and spenthis happiest days. Beneath her shadow the Black Prince lighted such acandle of Chivalry as has never yet been put out. Not without honourof her own countrymen, for thirteen years the High Court of Parliamentpreferred her to Paris. Within her walls the sainted Joan argued herinspiration. 

I have dived at random into her wallet, yet see what I have broughtforth. If memories are precious, Poitiers is uncommon rich. 

As if to console us for our departure, the road to Sister Angoulême wassuperb. Broad, straight, smooth as any floor, the great highwaystretched like a strip of marquetry inlaid upon the countryside. Itsinvitation was irresistible.... 

We reached the windy town in time for a late tea. 

As soon as this was over, Berry and I escaped and carried Pong off to agarage, there to be oiled and greased against the morrow's race. Somewhat to our amusement, before we had been there ten minutes, ourcousin arrived with Ping and the same object. Had the incidentoccurred at Poitiers, I should have been encouraged as well. It wasanother sign that Jonah did not despise his opponents, and his opinionwas worth having. As it was, the compliment left me unmoved.... 

The truth was, Berry had that afternoon contracted two habits. Againand again on the way from Poitiers he had shown a marked tendency tochoke his engine, and five times he had failed to mesh the gears whenchanging speed. Twice we had had to stop altogether and start again. He had, of course, reproached himself violently, and I had made lightof the matter. But, for all the comfort I offered him, I was seriouslyalarmed. In a word, his sudden lapse suggested that my brother-in-lawwas entering that most unpleasant stage which must be traversed by allwho will become chauffeurs and are taught, so to speak, to run beforethey can walk. 

It was after we had dined, and when my wife and I were seated--myself, by virtue of my injury, upon a couch, and she upon a cushion besideme--before the comfort of a glowing log-fire, that Adèle laid down theGuide and leaned her head against my knee. 

"I'm glad I married you, " she said. 

I looked at Nobby. 

"So are we both, " said I. 

"I wonder, " said Adèle, "whether you are really, or whether you're justbeing nice. "

"Personally, I'm just being nice. Nobby is really. Of course, he maybe making the best of a bad job. As a worldly good of mine, I justendowed you with him, and that was that. "

"You were both very happy before--before I came. "

"We thought we were. "

"O-o-oh, " said Adèle, twisting her head around, to see my face. "Youwere. You know you were. "

The gleeful accusation of the soft brown eyes was irresistible. Togain time, I swallowed. Then--

"So were you, " I said desperately. 

"I know I was, " was the disconcerting reply. 

"Well, then, why shouldn't we----"

"But you said you weren't. "

I called the Sealyham. 

"Nobby, " said I, "I'm being bullied. The woman we love is turning mywords against me. "

For a moment the dog looked at us. Then he sat up and begged. 

"And what, " said Adèle, caressing him, "does that mean?"

"He's pleading my cause--obviously. "

"I'm not so sure, " said Adèle. "I wish he could talk. "

"You're a wicked, suspicious girl. Here are two miserable males, allpale and trembling for love of you--you've only got to smile to makethem rich--and you set your small pink heel upon their devotion. Iadmit it's a soft heel--one of the very softest----"

"----I ever remember, " flashed Adèle. "How very interesting! 'Heels Ihave Held, ' by Wild Oats. Were the others pink, too?"

Solemnly I regarded her. 

"A little more, " said I, "and I shan't teach her to drive. "

Adèle tossed her head. 

"Berry's going to do that, " she said. "Directly we get to Pau. "

I laughed savagely. 

"I'm talking of automobiles, " I said, "not golf balls. "

"I know, " said my wife. "And Berry's going to----"

"Well, he's not!" I shouted. "For one thing, he can't, and, foranother, it's my right, and I won't give it up. I've been lookingforward to it ever since I knew you. I've dreamed about it. You'remiles cleverer than I am, you're wise, you're quick-witted, you canplay, you can sing like a nightingale, you can take me on at tennis, you can ride--driving a car's about the only thing I can teach you, and----"

Adèle laid a smooth hand upon my mouth. 

"Nobby and I, " she said, "are very proud of you. They're not in thesame street with their master, they know, but they're awfully proud tobe his wife and dog. "

To such preposterous generosity there was but one answer. 

As I made it--

"May I teach you to drive, lady?"

A far-away look came into the soft brown eyes. 

"If you don't, " said Adèle, "nobody shall. "

 * * * * *

The day of the race dawned, clear and jubilant. By eight o'clock thesun was high in a blue heaven, new-swept by a steady breeze. Limpinginto the courtyard before breakfast, I rejoiced to notice that the airwas appreciably warmer than any I had breathed for a month. 

We had hoped to leave Angoulême at nine o'clock. Actually it was aquarter to ten before the luggage was finally strapped into place andmy brother-in-law climbed into the car. With a sigh for a badbeginning, I reflected that if we could not cover the two-hundred andtwenty odd miles in twelve and a quarter hours, we ought to be shot. 

Jonah stood by, watch in hand. 

"Are you ready?" he said. 

I nodded. 

"Right, " said my cousin. "I'm not sure we've picked the best route, but it's too late now. No divergence allowed. "

"I agree. "

"And you don't drive. "

"It's out of the question. "

"Right. Like to double the bets?"

"No, " said Adèle, "they wouldn't. I won't allow it. But I'll bet withyou. I can't afford much, but I'll bet you a hundred francs we'rethere before you. "

"I'll give you tens, " said my cousin. "And I start in one hour from_Now_!"

When I say that, upon the word being given, Pong, whose manners hadbeen hitherto above reproach, utterly refused to start or be started, it will be seen that Fate was against us.... 

It took us exactly two minutes to locate the trouble--which was in themagneto--and just over two hours to put it right. 

As we slid out of Angoulême, an impatient clock announced that it wasmid-day. 

At least the delay had done something. So far as the second wager wasconcerned, it had altered the whole complexion of the case. We were nolonger betting upon anything approaching a certainty. Indeed, unlesswe could break the back of the distance before daylight failed, ourchances of reaching Pau before ten were worth little. If the road toBordeaux were as fine as that from Poitiers, and Berry could find hisform, we should probably run to time. We could not afford, however, togive a minute away. 

As luck would have it, the state of the road was, on the whole, ratherworse than any we had used since we left Boulogne. Presumablyuntouched for over six years, the wear and tear to which, as one of thearteries springing from a great port, it had been subjected, had turneda sleek highway into a shadow of itself. There was no flesh; the skinwas broken; the very bones were staring. 

For the first half hour we told one another that we had struck a badpatch. For the second we expressed nervous hopes that the going wouldgrow no worse. After that, Berry and I lost interest and suffered insilence. Indeed, but for Adèle, I think we should have thrown up thesponge and spent the night at Bordeaux. 

My lady, however, kept us both going. 

She had studied our route until she knew it by heart, and was justburning to pilot us through Bordeaux and thence across Gascony. 

"They're sure to make mistakes after Bordeaux. You know what thesign-posts are like. And the road's really tricky. But I spent twohours looking it up yesterday evening. I took you through Barbezieuxall right, didn't I?"

"Like a book, darling. "

"Well, I can do that every time. And I daresay they'll have tiretrouble. Besides, the road's no worse for us than it is for them, andafter Bordeaux it'll probably be splendid. Of course we'll be therebefore ten--we can't help it. I want to be there before Jonah. I'vegot a hundred----"

"My dear, " I expostulated, "I don't want to----"

"We've got a jolly good chance, any way. While you were getting herright, I got the lunch, and we can eat that without stopping. You canfeed Berry. We'll gain half an hour like that. "

Before such optimism I had not the face to point out that, if ouropponents had any sense at all, they had lunched before leavingAngoulême. 

"Here's a nice patch, " added Adèle. "Put her along, you two. "

Spurred by her enthusiasm, we bent again to the oars. 

Contrary to my expectation, my brother-in-law, if unusually silent, wasdriving well. But the road was against him. He had not sufficientexperience to be able to keep his foot steady upon the accelerator whena high speed and a rude surface conspired to dislodge it--a shortcomingwhich caused us all three much discomfort and lost a lot of mileage. Then, again, I dared not let him drive too close to the side of theroad. Right at the edge the surface was well preserved, and I knewthat Jonah's off wheels would make good use of it. Such finesse, however, was out of Berry's reach. We pelted along upon what remainedof the crown painfully. 

Seventy-three miles separate Bordeaux from Angoulême, and at the end oftwo hours fifty-four of them lay behind us. All things considered, this was extremely good, and when Adèle suggested that we should eatour lunch, I agreed quite cheerfully. 

The suggestion, however, that I should feed Berry proved impracticable. 

After four endeavours to introduce one end of a _petit pain_ into hismouth--

"Would it be asking too much, " said my brother-in-law, "if I suggestedthat you should suspend this assault? I don't know what part of yourface you eat with, but I usually use my mouth. I admit it's a bit of arosebud, but that's no excuse for all these 'outers. ' Yes, I know it'sa scream, but I was once told never to put _foie gras_ upon the nose orcheeks. They say it draws the skin. Oh, and don't let's have anycomic nonsense about the beer, " he added shortly. "Pour it straightinto my breast-pocket and have done with it. Then I can suck myhandkerchief. "

As he spoke, Nobby leaned forward and took the dishevelled sandwich outof my unready fingers. 

"That's right, " added Berry, with the laugh of a maniac. "Cast myportion to the dogs. " He dabbed his face with a handkerchief. "Nevermind. When his hour comes, you'll have to hold him out of the window. I'm not going to stop every time he wants to be sick. "

Eventually it was decided that, since we should have to stop forpetrol, Berry must seize that opportunity to devour some food. 

"Besides, " I concluded, "a rest of a quarter of an hour will do yougood. "

As the words left my mouth, I noticed for the first time that mybrother-in-law was tiring. 

For the moment I thought I was mistaken, for upon our previous runs hehad never turned a hair. Now, however, he seemed to be driving with aneffort. As if to confirm my suspicions, at the very next hill hemissed his change. 

"I think, " I said quickly, "you ought to have your lunch right away. It's no good getting done in for want of food. "

Berry shot me a pathetic glance. 

"It isn't that, old chap. It's---- Hang it all, it's my shoulder!That cursed muscular rheumatism cropped up again yesterday.... "

The murder was out. 

After a little he admitted that, ever since we had left Poitiers, anyquick movement of his left arm had caused him intense pain. 

Of course both Adèle and I besought him to stop there and then and letthe race go to blazes. Of this he would not hear, declaring that, solong as Jonah was behind, victory was not out of sight, and thatnothing short of paralysis would induce him to jilt the jade. After alittle argument, we let him have his way ... 

The road continued to offer an abominable passage, and when we stoppedat a garage in Bordeaux, it was five minutes to three of a beautifulafternoon. 

The third bidon was discharging its contents into Pong's tank, andBerry was sitting wearily upon the running-board, with his mouth fulland a glass of beer in his hand, when, with an apologetic cough, Pingemerged from behind an approaching tram and slid past us over thecobbles with a smooth rush. The off-side window was open, and, as thecar went by, Jonah waved to us. 

There was no doubt about it, my cousin was out to win. It was alsotransparently clear that Adèle and I, at any rate, had lost our money. We could not compete with an average of thirty-six miles an hour. 

"Boy!"

"Yes, darling?"

"Is that the last _bidon_?"

"Yes. But Berry won't have finished for at least ten minutes. Besides----"

"Couldn't I drive for a bit, just till he's finished his lunch?"

I stared at my wife. Then--

"I don't see why you shouldn't, dear, except that the streets ofBordeaux are rather rough on a beginner. "

"I'll be very careful, " pleaded Adèle, "and--and, after all, we shallbe moving. And it can't affect the bets. Nothing was said about Berryhaving to drive. "

I smiled ruefully. 

"As far as the bets are concerned, we might as well stay here thenight. We've got a hundred and fifty miles in front of us, and sevenhours--five of them after dark--to do them in. Berry's shoulder hasput the lid on. We shan't get in before midnight. "

"You never know, " said Adèle. 

Berry suspended the process of mastication to put his oar in. 

"Let her drive, " he said huskily. "One thing's certain. She can't doany worse than I have. "

"You never know, " said Adèle. 

A minute later she was in the driver's seat, and I had folded the rugand placed it behind her back. 

As Berry took his seat--

"That's right, " I said. "Now let in the clutch gently.... Well done. Change.... Good girl! Now, I shouldn't try to pass this lorryuntil----"

"I think you would, " said Adèle, changing into third, and darting infront of the monster. 

"Good Heavens!" I cried. Then: "Look out for that tram, lady. You'dbetter... "

As the tram was left standing, I caught my brother-in-law by the arm. 

"_She can drive!_" I said stupidly. 

"Nonsense, " said Berry, "I'm willing her. "

"_You fool!_" I shouted, shaking him. "_I tell you she can drive!_"We flashed between two waggons. "_Look at that! She's a first-classdriver, and she's going to save your stake!_"

"What's really worrying me, " said Adèle, "is how we're to pass Jonahwithout him seeing us. "

There was an electric silence. Then--

"_For-rard!_" yelled Berry. "_For-r-a-r-d!_ Out of the way, fat face, or we'll take the coat off your back. " A portly Frenchman leaped intosafety with a scream. "That's the style. For-rard! Fill the fife, dear heart, fill the blinkin' fife; there's a cyciclist on the horizon. For-rard!"

To sound the horn would have been a work of supererogation. Maddenedby our vociferous exuberance, Nobby lifted up his voice and barked likea demoniac. The ungodly hullaballoo with which we shook the dust ofBordeaux from off our tires will be remembered fearfully by all whowitnessed our exit from that city. 

When I had indulged my excitement, I left the terrier and Berry tofinish the latter's lunch and turned to my wife. 

Sitting there, with her little hands about the wheel, she made abewitching picture. She had thrown her fur coat open, and the breezefrom the open window was playing greedily with the embroidery about herthroat. Her soft hair, too, was now at the wind's mercy, and but for alittle suede hat, which would have suited Rosalind, the dark strandthat lay flickering upon her cheek would have been one of many. Chinin air, eyebrows raised, lids lowered, the faintest of smiles hoveringabout her small red mouth, my lady leaned back with an indescribableair of easy efficiency which was most attractive. Only the parted lipsat all betrayed her eagerness.... 

I felt very proud suddenly. 

The road was vile, but Pong flew over it without a tremor. Lookingupon his driver, I found it difficult to appreciate that a smallsilk-stockinged foot I could not see was setting and maintaining hisbeautiful steady pace. 

As I stared at her, marvelling, the smile deepened, and a little glovedhand left the wheel and stole into mine. 

I pulled the glove back and kissed the white wrist.... 

"And I was going to teach you, " I said humbly. 

"So was I, " wailed Berry. "I'd arranged everything. I was going to beso patient. "

"I was looking forward to it so much, " I said wistfully. 

"Oh, and don't you think I was?" cried Adèle. "It was so dear of you, lad. I was going to pretend----"

"It was much more dearer of me, " said Berry. "But then, I'm like that. Of course, " he added, "you ought to have driven from Boulogne. Don'ttell me why you held your peace, because I know. And I think it wasjust sweet of you, darling, and, but for your husband's presence, Ishould kiss you by force. "

The car fled on. 

There was little traffic, but thrice we came upon cows and once upon alarge flock of sheep. We could only pray that Jonah had endured thesame trials. 

As we slid through Langon, thirty miles distant from Bordeaux, I lookedat my watch. Two minutes to four. Adèle noticed the movement andasked the time. When I told her, she frowned. 

"Not good enough, " she said simply. 

The light was beginning to fail now, and I asked if she would have thelamps lit. 

She shook her head. 

"Not yet, Boy. "

At last the road was presenting a better surface. As we flashed up along incline, a glance at the speedometer showed me that we were doingfifty. As I looked again, the needle swung slowly to fifty-five.... 

I began to peer into the distance for Jonah's dust. 

With a low snarl we swooped into La Réole, whipped unhesitatingly toright and left, coughed at cross-streets, and then swept out of thetown ere Berry had found its name in the Michelin Guide. 

Again I asked my wife if she would have the headlights. 

"Not yet, Boy. "

"Shall I raise the wind screen?"

"Please. "

Together Berry and I observed her wish, while with her own right handshe closed the window. The rush of the cool air was more thanfreshening, and I turned up her coat collar and fastened the heavy furabout her throat. 

The car tore on. 

Lights began to appear--one by one, stabbing the dusk with their beams, steady, conspicuous. One only, far in the distance, seemedill-defined--a faint smudge against the twilight. Then it went outaltogether. 

"Jonah, " said Adèle quietly. 

She was right. 

Within a minute we could see the smear again--more clearly. It wasPing's tail-lamp. 

I began to tremble with excitement. Beside me I could hear Berrybreathing fast through his nose. 

Half a dozen times we lost the light, only to pick it up again a momentlater. Each time it was brighter than before. We were gainingrapidly.... 

We could not have been more than a furlong behind, when the suddenappearance of a cluster of bright pin-pricks immediately ahead showedthat we were approaching Marmande. 

Instantly Ping's tail-light began to grow bigger. Jonah was slowing upfor the town. In a moment we should be in a position to pass.... 

In silence Berry and I clasped one another. Somewhere between us Nobbybegan to pant. 

As we entered Marmande, there were not thirty paces between the twocars. And my unsuspecting cousin was going dead slow. A twitch of thewheel, and we should leave him standing.... 

Then, without any warning, Adèle slowed up and fell in behind Ping. 

I could have screamed to her to go by. 

Deliberately she was throwing away the chance of a lifetime. 

Desperately I laid my hand on her arm. 

"Adèle!" I cried hoarsely. "My darling, aren't you----"

By way of answer, she gave a little crow of rejoicing and turned sharpround to the right. 

Jonah had passed straight on. 

As Pong leaped forward, the scales fell from my eyes. 

Adèle was for the side-streets. If she could only rejoin the main roadat a point ahead of Jonah, the latter would never know that we hadpassed him. If... 

I began to hope very much that my wife knew the plan of Marmande ratherbetter than I. 

Through the dusk I could see that the street we were using ran on to abridge. It was there, I supposed, that we should turn to the left.... 

To my horror, Adèle thrust on to the bridge at an increased pace. 

"A-aren't you going to turn?" I stammered. "I mean, we'll never----"

"I said the road was tricky, " said Adèle, "but I hardly dared to hopethey'd make such a bad mistake. " We sailed off the bridge and on to abeautiful road. "Ah, this is more like it. I don't know where Jonah'sgoing, _but this is the way to Pau_.... And now I think it'll be safeto have the lights on. You might look behind first to see if they'recoming. You see, if they'd seen us go by, the game would have been up. As it is... "

 * * * * *

At half-past seven that evening we drove into Pau. 

Arrived at our villa, we put the car away and hurried indoors. 

It was almost eight o'clock when Ping discharged his passengers uponthe front steps. 

In silence and from the landing we watched them enter the hall. 

When they were all inside, I released Nobby. 

CHAPTER III

HOW A GOLDEN CALF WAS SET UP, AND NOBBY SHOWED HIMSELF A TRUE PROPHET

Five fat weeks had rolled by since Adèle had eased Jonah of sixtypounds, and the Antoinette ring we had given her to commemorate thefeat was now for the first time in danger of suffering an eclipse. Ina word, a new star had arisen. 

"I dreamed about it, " said Daphne. "I knew I should. "

I knitted my brows. 

"I wish, " said I, "I could share your enthusiasm. "

"Ah, but you haven't seen it. "

"I know, but I don't even want to. If you'd come back raving about apiece of furniture or a jewel or a picture, I should have beeninterested. But a shawl... A shawl leaves me cold. "

"I agree, " said Jonah. "I've learned to appear attentive to thedescription of a frock. I keep a special indulgent smile for theincoherence inspired by a hat. But when you pipe to me the praises ofa shawl--well, I'm unable to dance. "

"Wait till you see it, " said Adèle. "Besides, there were some lovelyrugs. "

"That's better, " said I. "I like a good rug. "

"Well, these were glorious, " said Jill. "They had the most lovelysheen. But, of course, the shawl... "

"If anyone, " said Jonah, "says that ugly word again, I shall scream. "

It was half-past nine of a very beautiful morning, and we werebreakfasting. 

The last two days had been wet. In the night, however, the clouds haddisappeared, leaving the great sky flawless, an atmosphere so rare astempted shy Distance to approach, and the mountains in all the powderedglory of their maiden snow. 

Seventy miles of magic--that is what Pau stares at. For the Pyrenees, viewed from this royal box, are purely magical. They do not rise sohigh--eleven thousand feet, as mountains go, is nothing wonderful. There is no might nor majesty about them--distant some thirty oddmiles. They are just an exquisite wall, well and truly laid, andcarved with that careless cunning of the great Artificer into thelikeness of some screen in Heaven. 

Where, then, is the magic? Listen. These mountains are never thesame. To-day they are very nigh; to-morrow they will stand fartherthan you have ever seen them. On Monday they will lie a mere ridgeabove the foot-hills; on Tuesday they will be towering, so that youmust lift up your eyes to find the summits. But yesterday youmarvelled at their stablishment; this morning they will be floatingabove the world. One week the clear-cut beauty of their lines andcurves gladdens your heart; the next, a mocking mystery of soft blurredbattlements will tease your vision. Such shifting sorcery is neverstale. Light, shade, and atmosphere play such fantastic tricks withPau's fair heritage that the grey town, curled comfortably in thesunshine upon her plateau's edge, looks not on one, but upon manyprospects. The pageant of the Pyrenees is never done. 

As for the wedding garment which they had put on in the night--it madeus all late for breakfast. 

The door opened to admit Berry. 

The look of resignation upon his face and the silence in which he tookhis seat where highly eloquent. 

There was no need to ask what was the matter. We knew. Big with theknowledge, we waited upon the edge of laughter. 

As he received his coffee--

"I'm not going on like this, " he said shortly. "It's insanitary. "

Adèle's lips twitched, and Jill put a hand to her mouth. 

"I can't think how it is, " said Daphne. "Mine was all right. "

"Of course it was, " retorted her husband. "So was Adèle's. So wasJill's. By the time you three nymphs are through, there's no hot waterleft. "

"That, " said I, "is where the geyser comes in. The agent was at somepains to point out that it was an auxiliary. "

"Was he, indeed?" said Berry. "Well, if he'd been at some pains topoint out that it leaked, stank, became white-hot, and was generallyabout the finest labour-wasting device ever invented, he'd 've beennearer the mark. If he'd added that it wasn't a geyser at all, but across between a magic lantern and a money-box----"

"Knack, " said Jonah. "That's all it needs. You haven't got the hangof it yet. "

The savagery with which my brother-in-law attacked a roll was almostfrightening. 

"W-why money-box?" said Jill tremulously. 

"Because, " said Berry, "it has to be bribed to devil you. Until you'veput ten centimes in the metre, you don't get any gas. It's a prettyidea. "

Adèle began to shake with laughter. 

"You must have done something wrong, " said I. 

Berry shrugged his shoulders. 

"Provided, " he said, "that you are fairly active and physically fit, you can't go wrong. But it's a strain on one's sanity.... No, I don'tthink I'll have any omelet. They're so impatient. "

I decided to apply the spur. 

"But the agent showed us exactly----"

"Look here, " said Berry, "you enter that bathroom, clothed--after afashion--and in your right mind. Then you leave it for some matches. On your return you turn on the gas. After wasting four matches, youlaugh pleasantly, put on your dressing-gown again, and go about thehouse asking everyone for a ten-centime piece... This you place in theslot. Then you go out again and try to remember where you put thematches. By the time you're back, the whole room is full of gas, soyou open the window wide and clean your teeth to fill up the time. Long before it's safe you strike another match. The thing lights withan explosion that shortens your life.... In about two minutes it emitsa roaring sound and begins to shake all over. By now all the taps arered-hot, and, by the time you've burnt yourself to hell, you'rewondering whether, if you start at once, you'll have time to leave thehouse before the thing bursts. Finally, you knock the gas off with thecork mat.... 

"After a decent interval you start again. This time you turn on thewater first. Stone cold, of course. When you've used enough gas toroast an ox, you hope like anything and reduce the flow. " He paused topass a hand wearily across his eyes. "Have you ever seen Vesuvius ineruption?" he added. "I admit no rocks were discharged--at least, Ididn't see any. There may be some in the bath. I didn't wait tolook.... Blinded by the steam, deafened by the noise, you make a rushfor the door. This seems to have been moved. You feel all over thewalls, like a madman. In the frenzy of despair--it's astonishing howone clings to life--you hurl yourself at the bath and turn on bothtaps.... As if by magic the steam disappears, the roaring subsides, and two broad streams of pure cold water issue, like crystal founts, into the bath. Now you know why I'm so jolly this morning. "

With tears running down her cheeks--

"You must have a bath in the dressing-room, " wailed Daphne. "Theothers do. "

"I won't, " said Berry. "It faces North. "

"Then you must have it at night. "

"Not to-night, " I interposed. "Nobby's bagged it. "

With the laugh of a maniac, my brother-in-law requested that the factsshould be laid before the Sealyham, and the latter desired to waive hisrights. 

"Of course, " he concluded, "if you want me to become verminous, justsay so. "

There was a shriek of laughter. 

"And now be quick, " said Daphne, "or we shall be late for the meet. And I particularly want to see Sally. "

Sarah Featherstone was the possessor of the coveted shawl. 

We had met her by chance upon the boulevard two days before. No one ofus had had any idea that she was not in Ireland, whither she hadretired upon her marriage, and where her passion for hunting kept hermost of the year, and when we learned that she had already spent sixmonths in the Pyrenees, and would be at Pau all the winter, we couldhardly believe our ears. Her little son, it appeared, had been ailing, and the air of the Pyrenees was to make him well. So their summer hadbeen passed in the mountains, and, with three good hunters fromIreland, the winter was to be supported under the shadow of the healinghills. 

"It hurts me to think of Ireland, but I'm getting to love this place. I want the rain on my face sometimes, and the earth doesn't smell sosweet; but the sun's a godsend--I've never seen it before--and the airmakes me want to shout. Oh, I've got a lot to be thankful for. Peter's put on a stone and a half to date, George'll be out forChristmas, and, now that you've come to stay... "

We were all glad of Sarah--till yesterday. 

Now, however, she had set up a golden calf, which our womenkind wereworshipping out of all reason and convenience. 

At the mention of the false prophet's name, Jonah and I pushed back ourchairs. 

"Don't leave me, " said Berry, "I know what's coming. I had it lastnight until I fell asleep. Then that harpy"--he nodded atDaphne--"dared to rouse me out of a most refreshing slumber to ask mewhether I thought 'the Chinese did both sides at once or one after theother. ' With my mind running on baths, I said they probably began ontheir feet and washed upwards. By the time the misunderstanding hadbeen cleared up, I was thoroughly awake and remained in a hideous andagonising condition of sleepless lassitude for the space of one hour. The tea came sharp at half-past seven, and the shawl rolled up twentyseconds later. I tell you I'm sick of the blasted comforter. "

A squall of indignation succeeded this blasphemy. 

When order had been restored--

"Any way, " said Jill, "Sally says the sailor who sold it her 'll beback with some more things next month, and she's going to send himhere. He only comes twice a year, and----"

"Isn't it curious, " said Jonah, "how a sailor never dies at sea?"

"Most strange, " said Berry. "The best way will be to ask him to stayhere. Then he can have a bath in the morning, and we can bury himbehind the garage. "

 * * * * *

With that confident accuracy which waits upon a player only when it isuncourted, Jill cracked her ball across the six yards of turf and intothe hole. 

"Look at that, " said Adèle. 

Jonah raised his eyes to heaven. 

"And the game, " he said, "means nothing to her. It never has. Yearsago she and I got into the final at Hunstanton. She put me dead on thegreen at the thirteenth, and I holed out. When I turned round to saywe were three up, she wasn't there. Eventually I found her looking forher iron. She'd laid it down, to start on a daisy chain. "

"I only put it down for a second, " protested Jill, "and you must admitthe daisies were simply huge. "

"What happened?" said Adèle, bubbling. 

"The daisy chain won us the match. She was much more interested in theformer, and actually continued its fabrication between her shots. "

We passed to the next tee. 

As I was addressing the ball--

"Don't top it, " said Jill. 

"Have I been topping them to-day?". 

"No, Boy. Only do be careful. I believe there's a lark's nest downthere, and it'd be a shame----"

"There you are, " said Jonah. 

"Now, " said I, "I'm dead certain to top it. "

"Well, then, drive more to the right, " said Jill. "After all, it'sonly a game. "

"I'll take your word for it, " said I. 

Of course, I topped the ball, but at the next hole my grey-eyed cousindiscovered that our caddie had a puppy in his pocket, so we won easily. 

As we made for the club-house--

"Only ten days to Christmas, " said Adèle. "Can you believe me?"

"With an effort, " said I. "It's almost too hot to be true. "

Indeed, it might have been a June morning. 

The valley was sleepy beneath the mid-day sun; the slopes of thesheltering foot-hills looked warm and comfortable; naked but unashamed, the woods were smiling; southward, a long flash spoke of the sunlitpeaks and the dead march of snow; and there, a league away, grey Pauwas basking contentedly, her decent crinoline of villas billowing abouther sides, lazily looking down on such a fuss and pother as might havebubbled out of the pot of Revolution, but was, in fact, the hospitablerite daily observed on the arrival of the Paris train. 

"I simply must get some presents, " continued my wife. "We'll startto-morrow. "

I groaned. 

"You can't get anything here, " I protested. "And people don't expectpresents when you're in the South of France. "

"That's just when they do, " said Adèle. "All your friends considerthat it's a chance in a lifetime, and, if you don't take it, they neverforgive you. "

"Well, I haven't got any friends, " said I. "So that's that. And youused to tell me you had very few. "

"Ah, " said Adèle, "that was before we were engaged. That was to exciteyour sympathy. "

I appealed to my cousins for support. 

"Nothing doing, " said Jonah. "If you didn't want this sort of thing, what did you marry for? For longer than I can remember you've seenyour brother-in-law led off like an ox to the shambles--he's therenow--financially crippled, and then compelled to tie up and addressinnumerable parcels, for the simple reason that, when they're at theshops Daphne's faculty of allotment invariably refuses to function. "

Jill slid an arm through her brother's, patted his hand affectionately, and looked at Adèle. 

"If Boy breaks down, " she said sweetly, "I'll lend you my ox. He'ssimply splendid at parcels. "

"You've got to find something to do up first, " said I. "This isn'tParis. "

A colour was lent to my foreboding within the hour. 

As we sat down to luncheon--

"Yes, " said Berry, "my vixen and I have spent a delightful morning. We've been through fourteen shops and bought two amethyst necklets anda pot of marmalade. I subsequently dropped the latter in the PlaceRoyale, so we're actually twelve down. "

"Whereabouts in the Place Royale?" I inquired. 

"Just outside the Club. Everybody I knew was either going in or comingout, so it went very well indeed. "

There was a gust of laughter. 

"N-not on the pavement?" whimpered Jill. 

"On the pavement, " said Daphne. "It was dreadful. I never was soashamed. Of course I begged him to pick it up before it ran out. D'you think he'd do it? Not he. Said it was written, and it was nogood fighting against Fate, and that he'd rather wash his hands of itthan after it, and that sort of stuff. Then Nobby began to lick itup.... But for Fitch, I think we should have been arrested. Mercifully, we'd told him to wait for us by the bandstand, and he sawthe whole thing. "

"It's all very fine, " said her husband. "It was I who furnished andsuggested the use of the current issue of _Le Temps_, and, withoutthat, Fitch couldn't have moved. As it was, one sheet made a shroud, another a pall, and Nobby's beard and paws were appropriately wipedupon the ever-burning scandal of 'Reparations. '"

"I gather, " said Jonah, "that the dissolution of the preserve turned anindifferent success into a howling failure. Of course, I haven't seenthe necklets but... "

"I can't pretend it's easy, " said Daphne. "It isn't that there aren'tany shops----"

"No, " said Berry emphatically, "it isn't that. "

"--but somehow... Still, if we go on long enough, we shall findsomething. "

"That's it, " said her husband. "We're going to put our backs into itthis afternoon. After we've done another twelve shops without buyinganything, we're going to have police protection. Not that we need it, you know, but it'll improve my morale. "

"If only Sally was here, " said Jill, "she could have told us where togo. "

"If only her sailor would turn up, " said Adèle, "we might be able toget all our presents from him. "

"That's an idea, " said Jonah. "What was the merchant's name?"

Amid a buzz of excitement, Daphne sent for the letter which hadannounced Sarah Featherstone's departure from Pau. When it arrived, she read the material portion aloud. 

"_... George, can't get away, so Peter and I are going home forChristmas. We'll be back the first week in January. I've told theMarats that if Planchet (the sailor who sold me the shawl, etc. ) turnsup before I get back, he's to be sent on to you. If he's got anythingextra-special that you're not keen on, you might get it for me... _"

"Well, I never thought I should live to say it, " said Berry, "but, after what I've gone through this morning, if Planchet were to totterin this afternoon, laden with at once cheap and pretentious goods, Ishould fall upon his bull neck. "

"Who, " said I, "are the Marats?"

"They're the married couple who run the flat. I believe they'rewonderful. Sally says she never knew what service was before. "

"I do hope, " said Jill, twittering, "they don't make any mistake. "

"I've no fear of that, " said Adèle. "I can't answer for the man, because we didn't see him, but Madame Marat's no fool. "

"Incidentally, " said I, "it's one thing giving Planchet our address, but it's quite another persuading him to fetch up. He may have othersheep to shear. "

"We can only pray that he hasn't, " said Daphne. "It's too much toexpect him to have another shawl, but I should like the first pick ofwhat he has. "

Berry regarded his wife. 

"If, " he said, "you will swear to select from his wares all theblinkin' presents with which you propose to signalise this Yuletide, I'll--I'll tie them all up without a word. "

"Same here, " said I. "Our gifts will cost us more, but we shall livethe longer. "

"Ditto, " said Jonah. 

The girls agreed cheerfully, and, before luncheon was over, it had beendecided to give Planchet three days in which to make his appearance, and that, if he had not arrived by that time, then and then only shouldwe resort to the shops. 

Less than an hour had elapsed, and we were just about to make ready totake the air by the simple expedient of proceeding at a high speed inthe direction of Biarritz, when Falcon entered the room. 

"There's an individual, madam, 'as come to the door----"

"Planchet? Is it Planchet?"

"I'm afraid I can 'ardly say, madam, but 'e 'as this address upon apiece of note-paper, madam, and----"

"All right, Falcon, I'll come. "

The butler's valiant endeavours to cope with the heritage of Babel werebetter known to us than he imagined. More than once his efforts toextract from strangers that information which was his due, and at thesame time, like a juggler of many parts, to keep the balls of Dignityand Courtesy rolling, had been overheard, and had afforded usgratification so pronounced as to necessitate the employment ofcushions and other improvised gags if our faithful servant's feelingswere to come to no harm. 

"I'll go, " said Jill and Adèle simultaneously. 

We all went, and we were all just in time to see our visitor precedethe Sealyham in the direction of the lodge. 

Aghast at such ill-timed pleasantry, we erupted pellmell into thedrive, all frantic by word or deed to distract the terrier from hispurpose. Shrieks, curses, and a copy of _La Fontaine's Fables_ werehurled simultaneously and in vain at our favourite, and it was Berry, to whom the fear of further acquaintance with the emporiums of Pau musthave lent wings, who actually overtook and discomfited the pursuer somethree yards from the road. 

It was with feelings of inexpressible relief that we presently beheldthe three returning--Berry alternately rebuking the Sealyham, who wasunder his arm, and apologising to his guest, the latter wide-eyed, something out of breath, and anything but easy, and Nobby apparentlytorn between an aggressively affectionate regard for his captor and astill furiously expressed suspicion of the stranger within our gates. 

As the trio drew nigh--

"It is Monsieur Planchet, " called Berry. "He's brought some things forus to see. His man's behind with a barrow. "

With beating hearts we trooped back into the house.... 

As I returned from thrusting Nobby into a bedroom, Monsieur Planchet'shireling staggered into the hall, a gigantic basket-trunk poisedprecariously upon his hunched shoulders. 

The inspection was held in the drawing-room. 

It was rather late in the day to assume that nonchalant air which has, from time immemorial, adorned the armouries of all accomplishedhucksters. 

Our instant recognition of the salesman, our energetic solicitude forhis safety, and our obvious anxiety to dissociate ourselves from thepolicy of direct action adopted by the terrier, had not only betrayed, but emphasised, the fact that the sailor's arrival was very much to ourtaste. Clearly, if we did not wish to pay through the nose for what wepurchased, our only course was to feign disappointment when the wareswere produced. 

For what it was worth I circulated a covert recommendation of thiswile, which was acknowledged with sundry nods and inaudibleassurances--the latter, so far as Jill was concerned, too readily givento inspire me with confidence. 

Sure enough, when the lid of the trunk was lifted, and Planchet pluckedforth a truly exquisite rug and flung it dexterously across a chair, mygrey-eyed cousin let out a gasp which an infant in arms could not havemisinterpreted. 

There was only one thing to be done, and Daphne did it. 

With a heroic disregard for her reputation, she shook her head. 

"Too bright, " she said shortly. "Don't you think so?" she added, turning to Berry. 

The latter swallowed before replying. 

"It's positively gaudy, " he said gloomily. 

Planchet shrugged his shoulders and began to unfasten a bale.... 

By the time seven more Persian rugs--all old and all more thanordinarily pleasing in design and colouring--were sprawling about thechamber, any organised depreciation was out of the question. Where allwere so beautiful, it required a larger output of moral courage thanany one of us could essay to decry the whole pack. By way of doing hisor her bit, everybody decided to praise one or two to the impliedcondemnation of the remainder. In the absence of collusion, it wasinevitable that those rugs which somebody had thus branded as goatsshould invariably include somebody else's sheep. The result was thatevery single rug had its following. A glance at their owner, who wasstanding aside, making no offer to commend his carpets, but fingeringhis chin and watching us narrowly with quick-moving eyes, showed thathe was solely engaged in considering how much he dared ask. 

I moved across to him. 

"You only come here twice a year?" I inquired. 

"That is so, _Monsieur_. "

"And how do you get these things? By barter?"

"Yes, _Monsieur_. "

After a little encouragement, he explained that before each voyage helaid in a stock of knives, gramophones, mirrors, trinkets, and thelike, these to exchange with the natives in the bazaars of the smallerEastern ports at which his ship touched. From Bordeaux he used to setout, and to Bordeaux he as regularly returned. An aunt dwelling at Pauwas responsible for his selection of the town as a market for hisgoods. I should not have taken him for a sailor, and said as much. With a shy smile, he confessed that he was a steward, adding that hewas a landsman at heart, and that, but for the opportunities of tradingwhich his occupation presented he should go to sea no more. 

Suddenly--

"What else have you got?" said Daphne. 

Six panels of Chinese embroidery--all powder-blue and gold, 'laboriousOrient ivories, ' a gorgeous hanging that had been the coat of a proudmandarin, three Chinese mats, aged and flawless, a set of silkendoilies--each one displaying a miniature landscape limned with asubtlety that baffled every eye--one by one these treasures were laidbefore us. 

Even Jonah went down before the ivories. 

Ere the trunk was empty, we had, one and all, dropped our masks andwere revelling openly. 

"Now, isn't that beautiful?" "Sally's got a ball like that, but itisn't so big. " "It's just as well she's in Ireland, or we shouldn'thave had those mats. " "You know, that rug on the chair's a devilishfine one. " "They all are. " "Yes, but that--my dear fellow, it's thesort of rug they put in the window and refuse to sell, because it'ssuch an advertisement. " "I'll tell you what, if we had those panelsmade into curtains, they'd look simply priceless in the drawing-room. ""Give me the ivories. "

It was Adèle who pulled the check-string. 

"What's the price of this rug?" she said quietly. 

There was an expectant and guilty hush. 

With a careless flourish we had called the tune--clamoured for it.... If the piper's fee was exorbitant, we had only ourselves to thank. 

Planchet hesitated. Then--

"Five hundred francs, _Madame_. "

Ten pounds. 

You could have heard a pin drop. 

The rug was worth sixty. In Regent Street or Fifth Avenue we shouldhave been asked a hundred. If this was typical of Planchet's prices, no wonder Sally had plunged.... 

I took out a pencil and picked up a pad of notepaper. 

"And the other rugs?" I inquired. 

"The same price, _Monsieur_. "

The rugs went down. 

Slowly, and without a shadow of argument, the prices of the othervaluables were asked, received, and entered. 

With a shaking hand I counted up the figures--eight thousand sixhundred francs. 

I passed the paper to Berry. 

"Will you pay him?" I said. "I haven't got enough at the bank here, and you can't expect him to take a foreign cheque. "

"Right oh!"

"He may not want to part with them all at one house, " said Daphne. "You'd better ask him. "

Adèle smiled very charmingly. 

"We like your pretty things very much, " she said. "May we have whatyou've shown us?"

Planchet inclined his head. 

"As _Madame_ pleases. "

I crossed to where he was standing and went through my list, identifying each article as I came to it, and making him confirm theprice. When we had finished, I insisted upon him checking my figures. He did so with some show of reluctance. The total, seemingly, was goodenough. 

When the reckoning was over, I hesitated. 

Then--

"You know, " I said slowly, "we'd have to pay much more than this in theshops. "

It seemed only fair. 

Planchet spread out his hands. 

"_Monsieur_ is very kind: but for me, I should not obtain more from themerchants. I know them. They are robbers. I prefer infinitely todeal with you. "

"All right. You don't mind a cheque?"

"A cheque, _Monsieur_?"

"Yes, on the bank here. We haven't so much money in the house. "

The little man hesitated. Nervously the big brown eyes turned from meto fall upon his possessions.... 

"That's all right, " said Berry. "The bank's still open. Fitch can runup in the car and get the money. He's probably had a dud cheque sometime or other. Anyway, considering he knows nothing of us, and Sally'sout of reach, I don't blame him. "

Such a way out of the difficulty was unanimously approved, and when Icommunicated our intention to Planchet, the latter seemed greatlyrelieved. It was not, he explained volubly, that he did not trust us, but when a poor sailor produced such a cheque to a bank.... 

As Berry left to give the chauffeur his instructions--

"Last time you came, " said Daphne, "you brought a beautiful shawl. Mrs. Featherstone bought it. "

Planchet frowned thoughtfully. Then his face lighted with recollection. 

"Perfectly, _Madame_. I remember it. It was very fine. I haveanother like it at home. "

My sister caught her breath. 

"For sale?"

"If _Madame pleases_. " Adèle and Jill clasped one another. "I willbring it to-morrow. "

With an obvious effort Daphne controlled her excitement. 

"I--we should like to have a look at it, " she said. 

Planchet inclined his head. 

"To-morrow morning, _Madame_. "

Without more ado he packed up his traps, announced that, as he wasreturning on the morrow, there was now no occasion for him to wait forhis money, and, thanking us profusely for our patronage and assuring usthat he was ever at our service, summoned his employee and withdrewhumbly enough. 

It was fully a quarter of an hour before the first wave of our pent-upenthusiasm had spent itself. After a positive debauch ofself-congratulation, amicable bickering with regard to the preciseorder of precedence in which an antiquary would place our acquisitions, and breathless speculation concerning their true worth, we sank intositting postures about the room and smiled affectionately upon oneanother. 

"And now, " said Berry, "what about tying them up?"

"What for?" said Jill. 

"Well, you can't send them through the post as they are. "

"You don't imagine, " said Daphne, in the horrified tone of one whorepeats a blasphemy, "you don't imagine that we're going to give thesethings away?"

Berry looked round wildly. 

"D'you mean to say you're going to keep them?" he cried. 

"Of course we are, " said his wife. 

"What, all of them?"

My sister nodded. 

"Every single one, " she said. 

With an unearthly shriek, Berry lay back in his chair and drummed withhis heels upon the floor. 

"I can't bear it!" he roared. "I can't bear it! I won't. It'sinsufferable. I've parted with the savings of a lifetime for a wholeroomful of luxuries, not one of which, in the ordinary way, we shouldhave dreamed of purchasing, not one of which we require, to not one ofwhich, had you seen it in a shop, you would have given a secondthought, all of which are probably spurious----"

"Shame!" cried Jill. 

"----only to be told that I've still got to prosecute the mutuallyrevolting acquaintance with infuriated shopkeepers forced upon me thismorning. It's cruelty to animals, and I shall write to the Y. M. C. A. Besides, it's more blessed----"

"I can't help it, " said Daphne. "The man had absolutely nothing thatwould have done for anybody. If----"

"One second, " said her husband. "I haven't parsed that sentence yet. And what d'you mean by 'done for'? Because----"

"If, " Daphne continued doggedly, "we sent one of those rugs to someonefor Christmas, they'd think we'd gone mad. "

Berry sighed. 

"I'm not sure we haven't, " he said. "Any way--" he nodded at Jonah andmyself--"I'll trouble each of you gents for a cheque for sixty pounds. As it is, I shall have to give up paying my tailor again, and what withLent coming on... " Wearily he rose to his feet. "And now I'm going tohave a good healthy cry. Globules the size of pigeons' eggs will wellfrom my orbs. "

"I know, " said Jill. "These things can be our Christmas presents toone another. "

Berry laughed hysterically. 

"What a charming idea!" he said brokenly. "And how generous! I shallalways treasure it. Every time I look at my pass-book... "

Overcome with emotion he stepped out of the room. 

A muffled bark reminded me that Nobby was still imprisoned, and I roseto follow my brother-in-law. 

As I was closing the door, I heard my wife's voice. 

"You know, I'm simply pining to see that shawl. "

 * * * * *

At ten o'clock the next morning the most beautiful piece of embroideryI have ever seen passed into our possession in return for theridiculously inadequate sum of two thousand francs. 

Obviously very old, the pale yellow silk of which the shawl was madewas literally strewn with blossoms, each tender one of them a work ofart. All the matchless cunning, all the unspeakable patience, all theinscrutable spirit of China blinked and smiled at you out of thosewonderful flowers. There never was such a show. Daring walkeddelicately. Daintiness was become bold. Those that wrought themarvel--for so magnificent an artifice was never the work of oneman--were painters born--painters whose paints were threads of silk, whose brushes, needles. Year after year they had toiled upon thesetwenty-five square feet of faded silk, and always perfectly. The thingwas a miracle--the blazing achievement of a reachless ideal. 

Upon both lovely sides the work was identical: the knottedfringe--itself bewildering evidence of faultless labour--was three feetdeep, and while the whole shawl could have been passed through abracelet, it scaled the remarkable weight of nearly six pounds. 

Daphne, Adèle, and Jill with one voice declared that it was finer thanSally's. As for Berry, Jonah, and myself, we humbly withdrew suchadverse criticism as we had levelled at the latter, and derived analmost childish glee from the possession of its fellow. 

It was, indeed, our joy over this latest requisition that stiffenedinto resolution an uneasy feeling that we ought to give Sally a sliceof our luck. 

After considerable discussion we decided to make her a present of thethree Chinese mats. She had bought three of Planchet upon his lastvisit, and those we had just purchased would bring her set up to six. Lest we should repent our impulse, we did them up there and then andsent them off by Fitch the same afternoon. 

 * * * * *

Christmas was over and gone. 

In the three days immediately preceding the festival, such popularitywith the tradesmen of the town as we had forfeited was more thanredeemed at the expense, so far as I was concerned, of an overdraft atthe bank. Absurdly handsome presents were purchased right and left. Adèle's acquaintance was extremely wide. Observing that it was also inevery instance domiciled in the United States, with the density of amale I ventured to point out that upon the day which my wife's presentswere intended to enrich, all of them would indubitably be lying in thecustody of the French postal authorities. Thereupon it was gentlyexplained to me that, so long as a parcel had been obviously postedbefore Christmas, its contents were always considered to have arrived"in time"--a conceit which I had hitherto imagined to be the propertyof bookmakers alone. In short, from first to last, my wife wasinexorable. But for the spectacle of Berry and Jonah beingrelentlessly driven along the same track, life would have lost itssavour. Indeed, as far as we three were concerned, most of the workinghours of Christmas Eve were spent at the post office. 

The registration of a postal packet in France is no laughing matter. When a coloured form has to be obtained, completed, and deliberatelyscrutinised before a parcel can be accepted, when there is only onepen, where there are twenty-seven people in front of you--each with twoor more packages to be registered--when there is only one registrationclerk, when mental arithmetic is not that clerk's _forte_, when it isthe local custom invariably to question the accuracy first of thepostage demanded and then of the change received, when the atmosphereof the post office is germane to poison-gas, and when, you are bearingtwelve parcels and leading a Sealyham, the act of registration and itspreliminaries are conducive to heart-failure. 

The miniature of herself, however, with which my wife presented me onChristmas Day atoned for everything.... 

And now--Christmas was over and gone. 

The New Year, too, had come in with a truly French explosion ofmerriment and good-will. 

It was, in fact, the fourth day of January, and, with the exception ofmy cousins, who were upon the links, we were proceeding gingerly downthe Rue du Lycée, en route for Lourdes, when my sister gave a cry andcalled upon me to stop. 

As I did so, I saw Mrs. Featherstone stepping towards us across theopen space which fronts the market. 

Berry climbed out of the dickey, and Adèle and Daphne got out of thecar. 

As I followed them--

"Sally, my dear, " said Daphne, "I never knew you were back. "

"I wasn't, till this morning, " panted Sally. "I only arrived at eight. For the last three hours I've been----"

"Before you tell us anything, " said Daphne, "we want to thank you. Since you've been away, Planchet's been. He's sold us the most lovelythings I've ever seen. We're so grateful to you, we don't know what todo. "

"Well, for goodness' sake, " rejoined Sally, "insure them to-day. I'vejust been cleaned out of everything I've got. "

"Cleaned out?" cried Daphne. "D'you mean to say you've been robbed?"

"That's right, " said Sally. "Peter and I got back this morning to findthe Marats gone and the place stripped. Of course, the furniturebelonging to the flat's there, but the only decent things were what I'dadded, and those have vanished. "

"Not all the things you got from Planchet?"

"Rather, " said Sally. "Shawl and everything. Jolly, isn't it?"

"What an awful shame!" cried Adèle. "But who's taken them? Not theMarats?"

"Must be, " said Mrs. Featherstone. She nodded over her shoulder. "I've just been to the police about it, but you know how hopeless theyare. "

"If I can do anything, " said Berry, "you know I'd only be too happy... "

"Thanks awfully, " was the reply, "but to tell you the truth, I don'tsee what there is to be done. As far as I can make out, they leftbefore Christmas, so they've got a pretty good start. "

"I'm terribly sorry, " said I. "Of course I never saw the goods, but, if they were anything like the things we bought, it's a cruel shame. "

Mrs. Featherstone laughed. 

"I do feel sore, " she admitted. "The maddening part of it is, I meantto take the shawl home to show George, and then, in the rush at thelast, I left it out. " She turned to my sister. "And you know Itrusted that couple implicitly. "

"I know you did. "

"The queer thing is, they seem to have suffered one solitary pang ofremorse. Did I show you those Chinese mats I was so crazy about?Well, after they'd gone, I suppose, their hearts smote them, becausethey did the three up and sent them back. "

For a moment we looked at one another. 

Then--

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sally, " said Daphne gently, "but youmustn't give the brutes that credit. We sent you the mats as aChristmas present. " Sally knitted her brows. "They're not yours. Webought them from Planchet. Directly I saw them, I thought howbeautifully they'd match yours, and we wanted you to have a set. "

Sally stared at her. 

"But I could have sworn-----"

"I know, " said Daphne. "It was because they were such a wonderfulmatch that we----"

"What else did he sell you?"

A sudden thought came to me, and I turned to catch Berry by the arm.... As men in a film, he and I looked at one another with open mouths.... 

Sublimely unconscious. Daphne and Adèle were reciting the list of ourtreasures. 

Mrs. Featherstone heard them out solemnly. Then--

"And what, " she said, "does Planchet look like?"

It became Daphne's turn to stare. 

I moistened my lips. 

"Slight, dark, clean-shaven, large brown eyes, nervous manner, scar onthe left temple--_or am I describing Marat?_"

Sally spread out her hands. 

"To the life, " she said simply. 

There was a dreadful silence. 

At length--

"'Sold, '" I said slowly. "'By order of the trustees. Owner goingabroad. ' Marat was with you when you bought them, of course? But whata smart bit of work!"

Sally covered her face and began to shake with laughter. Daphne andAdèle stared at her as if bewitched. 

At his third attempt to speak--

"Well, that's topping, " said Berry. "And now will you come back andget your things now, or shall we bring them over to-morrow? We'vetaken every care of them. " He sighed. "When I think, " he added, "that, but for my good offices, Nobby would have sent that treacherousdrawlatch away, not only empty, but with the modern equivalent of aflea in his ear, I could writhe. When I reflect that it was I whosupported the swine's predilection for hard cash, I could scream. Butwhen I remember that ever since our purchase of the shawl, my wife hasnever once stopped enumerating and/or indicating the many superioritieswhich distinguish it from yours, I want to break something. " He lookedround savagely. "Where's a grocer's?" he demanded. "I want somemarmalade. "

CHAPTER IV

HOW BERRY MADE AN ENGAGEMENT, JILL A PICTURE, AND ADÈLE A SLIP OF SOMEIMPORTANCE

A natural result of our traffic with Planchet was that we becametemporarily suspicious and careful to a fault. The horse had beenstolen. For the next three weeks we locked not only the stable door, but every single door to which a key could be fitted--and sufferedaccordingly. In a word, our convenience writhed. To complete ourdiscomfort, if ever one of us jibbed, the others were sure to lay thelash about his shoulders. The beginning of the end arrived one fineFebruary day. 

An early breakfast had made us ready for lunch. As we were taking ourseats--

"Are the cars locked?" said Daphne. 

Adèle held up a key. 

"Pong is, " she said. 

My sister fumed to Jonah. 

"And Ping?"

My cousin shook his head. 

"No, " he said shortly. "I omitted the precaution. If this was Paris, instead of Pau, if the cars were standing in an undesirablethoroughfare, instead of in the courtyard of the English Club, if----"

"It's all very well, " said Daphne, "but you know what happened to theRolls. "

Berry frowned. 

"Any reference, " he said, "to that distressing incident is bad for myheart. " He turned to Jonah. "As for you, you've lodged your protest, which will receive the deepest consideration. I shall dwell upon itduring the soup. And now push off and lock the vehicle. I know Lovelaughs at locksmiths, but the average motor-thief's sense of humour isless susceptible. "

When his sister threw her entreaties into the scale, my cousin took theline of least resistance and rose to his feet. 

"For converting a qualified blessing into an unqualified curse, " hesaid bitterly, "you three alarmists take the complete cracknel. Sincethe locks were fitted, I've done nothing but turn the key from morningtill night. Before the beastly things were thought of, the idea oflarceny never entered your heads. "

The indignation with which his words were received would have been morepronounced if we had had the room to ourselves. As it was, Jonah madehis way to the door amid an enraged murmur of expostulation, whosetemper was aggravated by suppression almost to bursting-point. 

There was much to be said for both points of view. 

It was a fact that since the theft of the Rolls we had never felt easyabout leaving a car unattended. Yet, though we had often discussed thematter, nothing had been done. Now, however, that we were in a strangecountry, where the tracing of a stolen car would, for a variety ofreasons, be an extremely difficult undertaking, and staying withal onlya handful of miles from the Spanish frontier, we all felt that actionof some sort must be taken without delay. 

An attempt to enlist the services of the Sealyham as a custodian hadfailed ignominiously. In the first place, unless fastened, he hadflatly declined to stay with either of the cars. The expedient ofclosing one of these altogether and leaving Nobby within had provedquite as unsatisfactory and more humiliating. Had we been able toeradicate from the dog's mind the conviction that he was beingwrongfully imprisoned, the result might have been different. As itwas, after barking furiously for five minutes, he had recourse toreprisal and, hardly waiting to remove the paper in which it waswrapped, devoured half a kilogramme of ripe Brie with a revengefulvoracity to which the condition of the interior of the car bore hideouswitness. Finally, when the urchin who was in our confidence, and hadengaged for the sum of five francs to endeavour to enter the car, opened its door, the captive leaped out joyously and, after caperingwith delight at his delivery, wiped his mouth enthusiastically upon atire and started on a reconnaissance of the neighbourhood in the hopeof encountering his gaolers. As for the car, our employee might havedriven it into the blue.... 

In the end, it was decided that a lock attached to the steering-columnwould offer the best security. Accordingly, a device was sent for, fitted to each of the cars, and proved. So far as we could see, therewas no fault in it. Once the key was withdrawn, the car concerned wasuseless. It could be driven, certainly, but it could not be steered. Indeed, short of getting it upon a trolley or taking 'the steering'down, its asportation could not be compassed. 

New brooms sweep clean. 

Delighted with the realisation that theft could now be erased from thelist of terrors of motoring, the girls insisted upon the observance ofthe new rite upon every possible occasion. As drivers of longstanding, Jonah and I found this eagerness hard to indulge. Use holds, and, try as we would, it was absurdly difficult to remember to do as wehad never done before, whenever we evacuated a car. Often enough, asnow, it was a work of supererogation. 

Berry turned to me. 

"I observe, " he said, "that for once you have not advanced youropinion. Is this because you realise that it's valueless? Or won'tyour mouth work?"

"Jonah was right, " said I. "Insurance has its advantages, but youdon't register every letter you post. The truth is, what little senseof proportion you have is failing. Of course you're not as young asyou were, and then, again, you eat too much. "

"In other words, " said my brother-in-law, "you attribute caution to theadvance of old age and gluttony. I see. To which of your physicalinfirmities do you ascribe a superabundance of treachery and bile?"

"That, " said I, "is due to external influence. The sewer-gas of yourtemperament----"

"I refuse, " said Berry, "to sit still and hear my soul compared to adrain at the very outset of what promises to be a toothsome repast. Itmight affect my appetite. "

I raised my eyebrows. 

"Needless anxiety again, " I sighed. "I don't know what's the matterwith you to-day. "

"By the way, " said Daphne, "I quite forgot. Did you cash your cheque?"

"I did, " said her husband. 

"What did they give you?" said Jill. 

"Fifty-three francs to the pound. "

"Fifty-_three_?" cried Daphne and Adèle in horror-stricken tones. 

"Fifty-three francs dead. If I'd cashed it yesterday, as, but for yourentreaties, I should have done, I should have got fifty-six. "

"But when you found it was down, why didn't you wait?"

"In the first place, " retorted my brother-in-law, "it isn't down; it'sup. In the second place, I was down--to four francs twenty-five. Inthe third place, to-morrow it may be up to fifty. "

"It's much more likely to go back to fifty-five. "

"My dear girl, " said Berry, "with the question of likelihood themovements of the comic Exchange have nothing to do. It's a law untoitself. Compared with the Money Market of to-day, Monte Carlo's aSunday-school. I admit we'd have more of a show if we didn't get thepaper a day late.... Still, that makes it more sporting. "

"I don't see any sport in losing six hundred francs, " said his wife. "It's throwing away money. " Here my cousin reappeared. "Jonah, whydid you let him do it?"

"Do what?" said Jonah. 

"Cash such a cheque when the franc's dropped. "

"It hasn't, " said Jonah. "It's risen. "

"How, " piped Jill, "can it have risen when it's gone down?"

"It hasn't gone down, " said I. 

"But fifty-three's less than fifty-six. "

"Let me explain, " said Berry, taking an olive from a dish. "You seethat salt-cellar?"

"Yes, " said Jill, staring. 

"Well, that represents a dollar. The olive is a franc, and this hereroll is a pound. " He cleared his throat. "When the imports exceed theexports, the roll rises"--up went his hand--"as good bread should. Butwhen the exports exceed the imports, or the President backs a winner, or something, then the olive begins to soar. In a word, the higher thefewer. "

Jill passed a hand across her sweet pretty brow. 

"But what's the salt-cellar got to do with it?"

"Nothing whatever, " said Berry. "That was to distract your attention. "

Jill choked with indignation. 

"I'll never ask you anything again, " she said severely. "After all, ifyou can't help yourself, it isn't likely you can help me. And, anyway, I wouldn't have been so silly as to go and cash a cheque when thefranc had gone down. "

"Up, " said I relentlessly. 

"But how can it----"

"Look here, " said I. "Imagine that all the francs in the world haveturned into herrings. "

"What a joy shopping would be!" said Berry. 

"Yes, " said Jill faithfully. 

"Well, on Monday you go and buy a pound's worth of herrings. Fish isplentiful, so you get fifty-six. "

"Yes. "

"During the night herrings rise. "

"Get quite high, " said Berry. "You have to get out of bed and put yourpurse on the landing. "

Adèle began to shake with laughter. 

"Yes, " said Jill earnestly. 

"So that the next morning, " I continued desperately, "when you come tobuy another pound's worth of herrings, you only get fifty-three. "

"That's right, " said Berry. "And while you're trying to decide whetherto have one or two pounds, they turn into bananas. Then you _are_done. "

Jonah took up the cudgels. 

"It's perfectly simple, " he said. "Think of a thermometer. "

Jill took a deep breath. 

Then--

"Yes, " she said. 

"Well, on Monday you find it's fifty-six. On Tuesday you look at itagain, and find it's fifty-three. That means it's gone down, doesn'tit?"

"Yes, " said his sister hopefully. 

"Well, with the franc it's just the opposite. It means it's gone up. "

"Yes. "

"That's all, " said Jonah brutally. 

Jill looked from him to Daphne and from Daphne to Adèle--dazedly. Theformer put a hand to her head. 

"My dear, " she said, "I can't help you. Before they startedexplaining, I had a rough idea of how the thing worked. Now I'mconfused for ever. If they are to be believed, in future we've got tosay 'up' when we feel inclined to say 'down. ' But don't ask me why. "

She stopped to speak with a member who was leaving the room and hadcome to pay his respects. After a word or two--

"Visitors' weather, " he said. "Perfect, isn't it? But, I say, what afall in the franc! Three points in a day.... Never mind. It'll go upagain. "

He made his adieus and passed on. 

It was no good saying anything. 

A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country. 

 * * * * *

It was three days later that we were bowling along the road to Biarritz. 

The morning was full and good to look upon. Sun, sky, and air offeredthe best they had. To match their gifts, a green and silver earthstrained at the leash of Winter with an eager heart. The valleyssmiled, high places lifted up their heads, the hasty Gave de Pauswirled on its shining way, a laughing sash of snow-broth, and all thecountryside glowed with the cheerful aspect of a well-treated slave. 

Wide, straight, and level, the well-built road thrust through thebeaming landscape with a directness that took Distance by the throat. The surface improving as we left Pau behind, I drew on the seven-leagueboots--surreptitiously. Very soon we were flying.... With a steadypurr of contentment, Pong, tuned to a hair, swallowed the flashingmiles so easily that pace was robbed of its sting. 

A dot on the soft bullock-walk that edged the road grew with fantasticswiftness into an ox-waggon, loomed for an instant life-size, and wasgone. A speck ahead leapt into the shape of a high-wheeled gig, joggedfor a moment to meet us, and vanished into space. A dolls'-house bythe wayside swelled into a villa ... A château ... A memory of tallthin windows ranged in a white wall. The future swooped into thepresent, only to be flicked into the past. The seven-league boots weregetting into their stride. 

Then came a level-crossing with the barriers drawn.... 

For a minute the lady responsible for the obstructions seemed uncertainwhether to withdraw them or no. After a long look up the line, however, she decided against us and shook her head with a benevolentsmile. 

"_Le train arrive_, " she explained. 

With a sigh, I stopped the engine and lighted a cigarette.... 

"What exactly, " said Daphne, "did Evelyn say?"

"That, " said Berry, "as I have already endeavoured to point out, willalways remain a matter for conjecture. We addressed one another formore than twenty minutes, but our possession of the line was disputedeffectively during the whole of that period. "

"Well, what did you hear her say?"

"I heard her say 'Yes' twice, and 'Delighted, ' and 'One o'clock. ' I'malmost certain that towards the end of our communion she said, 'Oh, hell!' Having regard to the prevailing conditions, she may beforgiven. "

Daphne sighed. 

"Well, I suppose she expects us, " she said. "After all, that's themain thing. You made her understand it was to-day, didn't you?"

"That, " was the reply, "remains to be seen. If I didn't, it's not myfault. It's no good pretending that 'Wednesday's' a good word toshout, but I made the most of it. I also said 'Woden's Day' with greatclarity, and '_Mardi_. '"

"_Mardi?_" shrieked his wife. 

"Oh, much louder than that. "

"B-but that's _Tuesday_!"

Berry started guiltily. 

"I--I mean '_Mercredi_, '" he said hurriedly. 

I began to shake with merriment. 

Suspiciously my sister regarded her husband. 

"Which did you say?" she demanded. 

"'_Mercredi_. '"

"I don't believe a word of it, " cried Daphne. "You said '_Mardi_. 'You know you did. "

Here a seemingly interminable freight-train started to lumber acrossour path.... 

As the rumble began to die--

"I think, " said I, "he must have got 'Wednesday' through. OtherwiseEvelyn would have rung up last night. "

Berry drew a case from his pocket and offered me a cigar. Then heturned to my sister and protruded his tongue.... 

We had known Evelyn Fairie for years. It was natural that we shouldwish to know Evelyn Swetecote. That wedlock could have diminished hercharm was not to be thought of. But we were forgivably curious to seeher in the married state and to make the acquaintance of the man whomshe had chosen out of so many suitors. Little knowing that we were atPau, Evelyn had written to us from Biarritz. In due season her letterhad arrived, coming by way of Hampshire. An answer in the shape of ageneral invitation to lunch had brought not so much a refusal as adefinite counter-proposal that we should suggest a day and come toBiarritz. In reply, the services of the telephone had beenrequisitioned, and, if my brother-in-law was to be believed, Mrs. Swetecote had been advised to expect us on Wednesday. 

In any event, expected or unexpected, here were we, all six, upon theroad--my wife and cousins in one car, and Daphne, Berry, and I withinthe other. 

As we swung into the paved streets of Orthez--

"And when, " said Berry, "when am I to drive?"

"From Peyrehorade, " I replied. 

"Oh. I suppose that's where the stones begin, or the road stops, orsomething. "

I shook my head. 

"Not that I know of. And you can drive all the way back. But--well, there's a hill or two coming, and--and I'd like just to take her sofar, " I concluded lamely. 

But for my sister's presence, I would have told him the truth. Thiswas that I had bet Jonah that I could get from Orthez to Peyrehorade intwenty minutes. The distance was exactly thirty kilometres, and theroad was perfect. There were no corners, and the bends were few. There were hills, certainly; but these were straightforward enough andcould be taken, so to speak, in our stride. Moreover, there were nocross-roads, and only two turnings worth thinking about. To some carsthe feat would have been nothing. Whether it was within the reach ofPing and Pong remained to be seen.... 

As we left Orthez, I looked at my watch. 

Ten minutes to eleven. 

I laid hold of the wheel.... 

To this hour I cannot tell why Daphne did not exercise the prerogativeof a passenger and protest against the pace. But neither at the timeor thereafter did she so much as mention it. Berry confessed laterthat he had been frightened to death. 

Three kilometres out, there was a bend, and the needle of thespeedometer, which, after rising steadily, had come to rest against thestop, retreated momentarily to record fifty-five.... We sang past awayside farm, dropped into a valley, soared up the opposite side, flashed in and out of an apparently deserted village, shot up a longincline, and slowed up for a curve.... Then some poultry demandedconsideration. As we left them behind, the agitation of two led horsesnecessitated a still further reduction of speed. We lost such time asI had made, and more also. Still, we were going downhill, and, as ifimpatient of the check, the car sprang forward.... We rose from thebottom with the smooth rush of a non-stop elevator. As we breasted therise, I saw another and steeper dale before us. The road was becominga switchback.... 

At the top of the opposite hill was a big grey cabriolet coming towardsus. At the foot was a panting lorry going our way. An approachingFord was about to pass it. The cabriolet and Pong fell down theirrespective slopes.... 

The Ford was abreast of the lorry, and the cabriolet was prepared topass the two when we arrived. It was a question of giving way--atleast, it ought to have been. It was, however, too late. Happily, there was more room than time at our disposal--a very little more. There was no time at all.... 

For one never-to-be-forgotten instant there were four vehicles in arow. I doubt if an ordinary matchbox could have been passed betweenour near-side running-board and that of the cabriolet. I couldcertainly have touched the lorry, had I put out my hand.... 

Then we swept on and up and over the crest. 

Thereafter all was plain sailing. 

As we ran into Peyrehorade, I glanced at my watch. 

I had lost my bet by about a quarter of a minute. But for the ledhorses, we should have run to time.... 

Upon one matter we were all agreed, and that was that the driver of thegrey cabriolet was going much too fast. 

So soon as we had passed through the town, Berry and I changed places. Almost immediately the road deteriorated. Its fine straightforwardrolling nature was maintained: the surface, however, was in tatters.... 

After ten kilometres of misery, my brother-in-law slowed up andstopped. Then he turned to me. 

"Have you ever driven upon this road (sic) before?"

I shook my head. 

"Well, you can start now, " was the reply. "I'm fed up, I am. I'drather drive on the beach. " With that he opened his door. "Oh, andgive me back that cigar. "

"Courage, " I said, detaining him. "It can't last. "

"Pardon me, " said Berry, "but it can last for blistering leagues. Iknow these roads. Besides, my right knee's getting tremulous. "

"It's quite good practice, " I ventured. 

"What for?" was the bitter reply. "My future estate? Possibly. Ihave no doubt that there it will be my blithesome duty continually toback a charabanc with a fierce clutch up an interminable equivalent ofthe Eiffel Tower. At present----"

"And you were driving so beautifully, " said his wife. 

"What--not with _finesse_?" said her husband. 

"Rather, " said I. "Ginger, too. "

"What d'you mean--'ginger'?"--suspiciously. 

"Determination, " said I hurriedly. 

"Not the b-b-bull-dog b-b-breed?"

"The same, " said I. "All underhung. 'Shove-me-and-I'll-shove-your-face' sort of air. It was mostnoticeable. "

Berry slammed the door and felt for the self-starter.... 

As we bucketed down the next slope--

"I only wish, " he said, "that we could encounter the deceitful mongerresponsible for including this road among _les grands itinéraires_. Ican stand pot-holes, but the remains of a railway platform which mighthave been brought from one of what we know as 'the stricken areas, 'laid, like linoleum, upon a foot of brickdust, tend to make you gird atLife. Incidentally, is this fast enough for you? Or are your liversstill sluggish?"

"I think, " said I, nodding at a huge pantechnicon, "that we might passthe furniture. "

I know no horn whose note is at once so compelling and offensive asthat of the usher with which Pong was equipped. I know no din at onceso obliterative and brain-shaking as that induced by the passage of aFrench pantechnicon, towed at a high speed over an abominable road. That the driver of the tractor failed to hear our demand was notremarkable. That he should have elected to sway uncertainly along thevery crown of the road was most exasperating.... 

Three times did Berry essay to push by; three times at the criticalmoment did the tractor lurch drunkenly across our bows; and three timesdid Pong fall back discomfited. The dust, the reek, the vibration, thepandemonium, were combining to create an atmosphere worthy of a placein the Litany. One's senses were cuffed and buffeted almost to astandstill. I remember vaguely that Daphne was clinging to my arm, wailing that "it was no good. " I know I was shouting. Berry washowling abusive incoherence in execrable French.... 

We were approaching the top of a hill.. 

Suddenly the tractor swung away to its right. With a yell of triumph, my unwitting brother-in-law thrust at the gap.... Pong leapt forward. 

Mercifully there was a lane on the left, and I seized the wheel andwrenched it round, at the same time opening the throttle as wide as Idared. I fancy we took the corner on two wheels. As we did so, a paleblue racer streaked by our tail-lamp with the roar of an avalanche. 

When Daphne announced that, if she reached Biarritz alive, she shoulddrive home with Jonah, I was hardly surprised. 

It was perhaps an hour later that, after passing grey-headed Bayonne, we came to her smart little sister and the villa we sought. 

The great lodge-gates were open, but Ping was without in the road, while Jonah was leaning languidly against the wall. As we slowed up, he took his pipe from his mouth. 

"I shouldn't drive in, " he said. "They're out. Won't be back beforesix, the servants say. "

 * * * * *

Black as was the evidence against him, my brother-in-law stoutlyrefused to be held responsible for the affair. All the way to theHotel du Palais he declared violently that the engagement had been welland truly made, and that if Evelyn and her husband chose to forget allabout it, that was no fault of his. Finally, when Jonah suggested thatafter luncheon we should return to the villa and inquire whether we hadindeed been expected the day before, he assented with disconcertingalacrity. As we passed into the restaurant--

"And I'll do the interrogating, " he concluded. "I don't want any ofyour leading questions. 'I quite expect we were expected yesterday, weren't we?' All sweet and slimy, with a five-franc note in the middledistance. "

"How dare you?" said Daphne. "Besides, I'd be only too relieved tofind it was their mistake. "

"Blow your relief, " replied her husband. "What about my bleedingheart?"

"I'm not much of a physician, " said I, "but there's some cold stuffedvenison on the sideboard. I don't know whether that, judiciouslyadministered.... "

Berry shook his head. 

"I doubt it, " he said mournfully. "I doubt it very much.... Still"--he looked round hungrily--"we can always try. "

We were at the villa again within the hour. 

Almost immediately we elicited the information that Major and Mrs. Swetecote had spent the previous day at San Sebastian. 

Turning a withering and glassy eye in our direction, my brother-in-lawexplained the position and desired permission to enter and write anote. This was granted forthwith. 

My sister and I followed him into a pleasant salon meekly enough. Whenhe had written his letter, he read it to us with the air of a cardinal. 

_DEAR EVELYN, _

"LEST WE FORGET. "

_Yes, I know. But you should be more careful. Old friends like us, too. Disgraceful, I call it. To have been unprepared to receive uswould have been bad enough, but to be actually absent from home.... Well, as Wordsworth says, that's bent it. _

_When I tell you that, in the belief that she was to enjoy a freelunch, my beloved yoke-fellow, who is just now very hot upon economy, forewent her breakfast and arrived upon your threshold faint andravening, you will conceive the emotion with which she hailed therealization that that same hunger which she had encouraged could onlybe appeased at an expensive hotel. _

_But that is nothing. _

_To bless your married life, I have hustled a valuable internalcombustion engine over one of the vilest roads in Europe, twice riskeda life, the loss of which would, as you know, lower half the flags inBethnal Green, and postponed many urgent and far more deserving callsupon my electric personality. I was, for instance, to have had my haircut. _

_Worse. _

_Upon hearing of your absence, the unnatural infidel above referred tocharged this to my account. As is my humble wont, I bent my head tothe storm, strong in the fearless confidence that France is France, andthat, late as we were, the ever-open bar would not be closed. _

"Tell me more of yourself, " I hear you say. 

_That may not be, che-ild. _

_For one thing, that venison has made me sleepy. Secondly, I am justoff to find a suitable and sheltered grove, within sound of theAtlantic, where I may spend an hour in meditation. Thirdly, I live forothers. _

_Jonah wants to know if your husband can play golf. He does, ofcourse. But can he?_

 _Your dear old friend, BERRY. _

_P. S. --D'you happen to know who owns a large grey cabriolet with a"G. B. " plate? I imagine it lives at Biarritz. Anyway, they ought tobe prosecuted. Driving about the country like a drunken hornet. Mercifully we were crawling. Otherwise ... I tell you, it made myb-b-blood b-b-boil. Not at the time, of course. _

 * * * * *

The pine woods were wholly delightful. 

The lisp of the wind among the branches, the faint thunder of theAtlantic, the soft sweet atmosphere showed us a side of Biarritz whichwe should have been sorry to miss. By rights, if music and perfumehave any power, we should have fallen asleep. The air, however, prevented us. Here was an inspiriting lullaby--a sleeping-draughtlaced with cordial. We plucked the fruit from off the Tree ofDrowsiness, ate it, and felt refreshed. Repose went by the board. Weleft the cars upon the road and went strolling.... 

"D'you think you could get me that spray?" said Jill suddenly. 

In my cousin's eyes flora have only to be inaccessible to becomedesirable. Remembering this, I did as Berry and Jonah weredoing--stared straight ahead and hoped very hard that she was notspeaking to me. 

"Boy!"

"Yes, dear?"

"D'you think you could... ?"

By the time I had torn my trousers, strained my right shoulder, swornthree times, and ruined the appearance of my favourite brogues, theothers were out of sight. 

"Thanks awfully, Boy. You are good to me. And that'll look lovely inthe drawing-room. The worst of it is, this stuff wilts almost at once. "

"Seems almost a shame to have picked it, " I said grimly, "doesn't it?"

"It does really, " Jill agreed. "Never mind, " she added cheerfully, slipping an arm through mine. "It was my fault. "

Subduing a desire to lie down on my back and scream, I relighted mypipe, and we strolled forward. 

A country walk with Jill is never dull. 

To do the thing comfortably, you should be followed by a file ofpioneers in marching order, a limbered waggon, and a portable pond. Before we had covered another two hundred yards, I had collected threemore sprays, two ferns, and a square foot of moss--the latter, much tothe irritation of its inhabitants, many of whom refused to evacuatetheir homes and therefore accompanied us. I drew the line at frogs, onthe score of cruelty to animals, but when we met one about the size ofa postage stamp, it was a very near thing. Finally, against my advice, my cousin stormed a bank, caught her foot in an invisible wire, andfell flat upon her face. 

"There now!" I cried testily, dropping our spoils and scrambling to herassistance. 

"I'm not a bit hurt, " she cried, getting upon her feet. "Not a scrap. And--and don't be angry with me, Boy. Jonah's been cross all day. Hesays my skirt is too short. And it isn't, is it?"

"Not when you don't fall down, " said I. "At least--well, it is rather, isn't it?"

Jill put her feet together and drew the cloth close about her silkstockings. It fell, perhaps, one inch below her knees. For a momentshe regarded the result. Then she looked up at me and put her head onone side.... 

I have grown up with Jill. I have seen her in habits, in ball-dresses, in dressing-gowns. I have seen her hair up, and I have seen it tumbledabout her shoulders. I have seen her grave, and I have seen her gay. I have seen her on horseback, and I have seen her asleep. But never inall my life shall I forget the picture which at this moment she made. 

One thick golden tress, shaken loose by her fall, lay curling down pastthe bloom of her cheek on to her shoulder. The lights in it blazed. From beneath the brim of her small tight-fitting hat her great graveeyes held mine expectantly. The stars in them seemed upon the edge ofdancing. Her heightened colour, the poise of her shapely head, theparted lips lent to that exquisite face the air of an elf. All thesweet grace of a child was welling out of her maidenhood. Herapple-green frock fitted the form of a shepherdess. Her pretty greylegs and tiny feet were those of a fairy. Its very artlessness trebledthe attraction of her pose. Making his sudden way between the boughs, the sun flung a warm bar of light athwart her white throat and thefallen curl. Nature was honouring her darling. It was the accolade. 

I could have sworn that behind me somebody breathed "Madonna!" butalthough I swung round and peered into the bushes, I could see no one. 

"When you've quite done, " said Jill. Clearly she had noticed nothing. 

I returned to my cousin. 

"Yes, " I said, "it's too short. Just a shade. As for you, you're muchtoo sweet altogether. Something'll have to be done about it. You'llbe stolen by fairies, or translated, or inveigled into an engagement, or something. "

Jill let her dress go and flung her arms round my neck. 

"You and Berry and Jonah, " she said, "are far too sweet to me. And----Oh, I can see myself in your eye, Boy. I can really. " For a momentshe stared at the reflection. "I don't think I look very nice, " sheadded gravely. "However... " She kissed me abstractedly and started tofix the tress errant. "If Jonah asks you, don't say it's too short. It's not good for him. I'll have it lengthened all right. "

For the second time I began to relight my pipe... 

After examining the scene of her downfall, the witch caught at a slipof a bough and swung herself athletically to the top of the bank. Thence she turned a glowing face in my direction. 

"No, I shan't, after all, " she announced. "It's much too convenient. "

Twenty minutes later we reached the point from which we had set out. 

Adèle was awaiting us with Ping. 

As soon as we saw her--

"Good Heavens!" cried Jill. "I quite forgot you were married. Youought to have been with Adèle. " She ran to the car. "Adèle darling, what do you think of me?"

"I am blind, " said Adèle, "with jealousy. Anyone would be. And nowjump in. Berry has taken the others to look at La Barre, and we're tofollow them. "

Such of the landscape as I was bearing was thereupon bestowed in theboot, I followed my cousin into the car, and a few minutes later wewere at the mouth of the Adour. Here we left Ping beside Pong, andproceeded to join three figures on the horizon, apparently absorbed inthe temper of a fretful sea. 

As we tramped heavily over the shingle--

"You're not cross with me, Adèle?"

"Why should I be, darling?"

"Well, you see, " panted Jill, "I've known him so long, and he's stillso exactly the same, that I can't always remember----"

"That he's not your property?" said my wife. "But he is, and alwayswill be. "

Jill looked at her gravely. 

"But he's yours, " she said. 

Adèle laughed lightly. 

"Subjects marry, of course, " she said, smiling, "but they've only onequeen. "

Which, I think, was uncommon handsome. 

Any way, I kissed her slight fingers.... 

As we reached our companions--

"I could stay here for ever, " said Berry. "Easily. But I'm not goingto. The wind annoys me, and the sea's not what it was before the War. "

"How can you?" said Daphne. She stretched out a pointing arm. "Justlook at that one--that great big fellow. It must be the ninth wave. "

"Nothing to the York Ham--I mean the Welsh Harp--on a dirty night, "replied her husband. "Why, I remember once ... "

In the confusion of a precipitate retreat before the menace of theroller, the reminiscence was lost. 

It was certainly a magnificent spectacle. 

There was a heavy sea running, and the everlasting battle between theriver and the Atlantic was being fought with long swift spasms ofunearthly fury. Continually recurring, shock, mellay and rallyoverlapped, attack and repulse were inextricably mingled, the verylulls between the paroxysms were big with wrath. There was a point, too, where the river's bank became coastline, a blunt corner of land, which seemed to exasperate the sea out of all reason. A stiff breezeabetting them, the gigantic waves crashed upon it with a concussionthat shook the air. All the royal rage of Ocean seemed to beconcentrated on this little prominence. The latter's indifferenceappeared to aggravate its assailant. Majesty was in a tantrum. 

With the exception of Berry, we could have watched the display till, asthey say, the cows come home. My brother-in-law, however, feltdifferently. The wind was offending him. 

After a violent denunciation of this element--

"Besides, " he added, "we ought to be getting back. It's nearlyhalf-past three, and if we're to avoid the playground of the Tanks andreturn by Bidache, we shall be longer upon the road. "

"Well, you go on, " said Daphne. "Ask Adèle nicely, first, if she'lltake my place, and then if she minds starting now. "

"Fair lady, " he said, "_The vay ith long, the vind ith cold, It maketh me feel infernal old. _"

"I'm sorry, " said Adèle hurriedly, "but I've left my purse at home. Try my husband. "

Berry put on his hat, cocked it, and turned to me. 

"D'you want a thick ear?" he demanded. "Or will you go quietly?"

"A little more, " I retorted, "and you ride in the dickey. "

Ten minutes later Pong was sailing into the outskirts of Bayonne. 

To emerge from the town upon the Briscous road proved unexpectedlyhard. The map insisted that we should essay a dark entry, by the sideof which a forbidding notice-board dared us to come on.... Adèle and Ipored over the print, while out of our bickering Berry plucked suchinstructions as his fancy suggested, and, alternately advancing andretiring, cruised to and fro about a gaunt church. After a while webegan to ask people, listen carefully to their advice, thank themeffusively, and then demonstrate to one another that they werecertainly ignorant and probably hostile. 

At length--

"How many times, " inquired Berry, "did they walk round Jericho beforethe walls went?"

"Thirteen, I think, " said Adèle. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing, " was the reply. "Only, if you aren't quick, we shallhave this church down. Besides, I'm getting giddy. "

"Then show some initiative, " I retorted. 

"Right, " said Berry, darting up a side-street. 

Calling upon him to stop, Adèle and I fought for the map.... A suddenlurch to the left flung us into the corner, whence, before we hadrecovered our equilibrium, a violent swerve to the right returned uspell-mell. At last, in response to our menaces, Berry slowed up beforea sign-post. 

Its legend was plain. 

 BRISCOUS 10

We stared at it in silence. Then we stared at one another. Finally westared at Berry. The latter spread out his hands and shrugged hisshoulders. 

"Instinct, " he said. "Just instinct. It's very wonderful. Hereditary, of course. One of my uncles was a water-waste preventer. With the aid of a cricket-bat and a false nose, he could find a swampupon an empty stomach. They tried him once, for fun, at agarden-party. Nobody could understand the host's uneasiness until, amid a scene of great excitement, my uncle found the cesspool under therefreshment marquee. "

Eventually we persuaded him to proceed. 

For a while the going was poor, but after we had passed Briscous allcause for complaint vanished. Not only was the surface of the road asgood as new, but the way itself, was winsome. The main road toPeyrehorade could not compare with it. At every twist and turn--andthere were many--some fresh attraction confronted us. The countryside, shy of the great highways, crept very close. We slipped up lanes, ranside by side with brooks, brushed by snug cottages. Dingles made boldto share with us their shelter, hill-tops their sweet prospects, hamlets their quiet content. 

An amazing sundown set our cup brimming. 

That this might run over, Bidache itself gave us a chateau--ruined, desolate, and superb. There is a stateliness of which Death holds thepatent: and then, again, Time can be kind to the dead. What Death hadgiven, Time had magnified. Years had added to the grey walls a peace, a dignity, a charm, such as they never knew while they were kept. Thegrave beauty of the place was haunting. We passed on reluctantly.... 

A quarter of an hour later we ran into Peyrehorade. 

Here Adèle relieved my brother-in-law and, encouraged by the promise ofa late tea, made the most of the daylight. 

Eighty minutes later we slid into Pau. 

As we swept up the drive of our villa--

"Well, " said Berry, "I must confess it's been a successful day. Ifwe'd lunched with Evelyn, we should have missed that venison, and ifthe main road hadn't been vile, we should have missed Bidache. Indeed, provided no anti-climax is furnished by the temperature of thebath-water, I think we may congratulate ourselves. "

Adèle and I agreed enthusiastically. 

Falcon met us in the hall with a note and a telephone message. 

The first was from Mrs. Swetecote. 

_DEAREST DAPHNE, _

_How awful of you! Never mind. I know how terribly easy it is toforget. And now you must come over to us instead. Falcon insistedthat you would wish us to have lunch, so we did--a jolly good one, too. And Jack smoked one of Berry's cigars, and, of course, we both lost ourhearts to Nobby. In fact, we made ourselves thoroughly at home. _

 _Your loving EVELYN. _

_P. S. --Try and find out who's staying at Pau with a blue all-weathercoupé. They went by us to-day like a flash of lightning. Fortunatelywe were going dead slow, so it was all right. But they ought to bestopped. _

The second was from Jonah. 

As rendered by Falcon, it ran:--

"Captain Mansel's compliments, sir, and, as Mrs. Adèle Pleydell was thelast to drive Ping, 'e thinks _she must 'ave 'is key_.... And asLove's the honly thing as laughs at locksmiths, sir, will you kindlyreturn this forthwith.... I asked Captain Mansel where 'e'd like youto meet 'im, sir, but 'e said _you'd_ know. "

From Pau to La Barre is seventy miles--as near as 'damn it. '

 * * * * *

I covered the distance alone. All the way a memory kept whisperingabove the rush of the tires.... 'Madonna!'.... 'Madonna!'... 

CHAPTER V

HOW LOVE CAME TO JILL, HERBERT TO THE RESCUE, AND A YOUNG MAN BY HISRIGHT

A week of fine days had slipped by. Most of these we had spent uponthe open road. For fifty miles about Pau we had proved the countrysideand found it lovely. This day we had determined to fare fartherafield. Perhaps because of this decision, Trouble had peered out ofthe bushes before we had gone twenty miles. 

Had we, however, been advised to expect a puncture and requested toselect the venue, we could not have chosen a more delightful spot. 

Immediately upon our right there was a garden, trim and pleasing as thefarmhouse it served. Stretched in the gateway lay a large white hound, regarding us sleepily. Beyond, on the greensward, a peacock preenedhimself in the hot sunshine. On the left, a wayside bank made aparapet, and a score of lime-trees a sweet balustrade. A glancebetween these natural balusters turned our strip of metalling into agallery. The car, indeed, was standing upon the edge of a brae. Whether this fell sheer or sloped steeply could not be seen, for thefirst thing which the down-looking eye encountered was a vast plain, rich, sun-bathed, rolling, three hundred feet below. North, south, andeast, as far as the sight could follow, was stretching Lilliput. Meadows and poplars and the flash of streams, steadings and villages, coppices, flocks and curling roads glinted or glowed in miniature. Close on our right two toy towers stood boldly up to grace a townlet. Due east a long, straight baby avenue led to a midget city. Northwarda tiny train stole like a snail into the haze of distance. Far to thesouth the mountains, blurred, snowy, ethereal, rose like a beckoningdream to point the fairy tale. 

It was only when we had gloated upon the prospect for several minutes, identified the townlet as Ibus and the city as Tarbes, and, taking outpowerful binoculars, subjected the panorama to a curious scrutiny, which might have shattered the illusion, but only turned Lilliput intoUtopia, that we pulled ourselves together and started to consider ourplight. 

This was not serious. A tire was flat, certainly, but we had two sparewheels. 

I drew a sou from my pocket and spun it into the air. 

"I maintain, " said Berry, "that the obverse will bite the dust. "

The coin tinkled to a settlement, and we both stooped to read ourrespective fates.... 

A moment later, with a self-satisfied grin, I climbed back into thecar, whilst Berry removed his coat with awful deliberation. 

Jill was in possession of the paper, so I lighted a cigarette andturned up Tarbes in the guide-book.... 

"Just listen to this, " said my cousin suddenly. 

"_Of the four properties, the villa Irikli is the most notable. Awell-known traveller once styled it 'the fairest jewel in Como'sdiadem. ' Occupying one of the choicest situations on the famous lake, surrounded by extensive gardens, the varied beauty of which beggarsdescription, the palace--for it is nothing less--has probably excitedmore envy than any dwelling in Europe.... _

"Then it speaks about the house.... Wait a minute.... Here we are

"_The heavily-shaded lawns, stretching to the very edge of the lake, the magnificent cedars, the sunlit terraces, the cascades, the chestnutgroves, the orange and lemon trellises, the exquisite prospects, go tothe making of a veritable paradise. _"

"Doesn't that sound maddening?"

"It does, indeed, " I agreed. "Whose is it?"

"I don't know, " said Jill absently, staring into the distance. "But Ican just see it all. Fancy living there, and going out beforebreakfast over the lawns to bathe... "

Idly I took the paper out of her hand. 

From this it appeared that the property had belonged to the Duke ofPadua. Reading further, I found that the latter's whole estate had, upon his death nine months ago, become the subject of an action at law. The deceased's legitimacy, it seemed, had been called in question. To-day the Appeal Court of Italy was to declare the true heir.... 

As I laid down the sheet--

"Somebody, " I said, "will drink champagne to-night. "

"Oranges and lemons, " murmured Jill. "Cascades.... "

A vicious grunt from below and behind suggested that my brother-in-lawwas standing no nonsense. 

I settled myself in my corner of the car, tilted my hat over my nose, and closed my eyes.... 

The sound of voices aroused me. 

"... Your silly eyes. Didn't you hear me say '_Non_'? _NONG_, man, _NONG_! You'll strip the blinkin' thread.... Look here.... "

"_A-a-ah! Oui, oui, Monsieur. Je comprends, je comprends. _"

"You don't listen, " said Berry severely. "That's what's the matterwith you. Valuable car like this, too. "

Jill buried her face in my sleeve and began to shake with laughter. "_Alors, en avant, mon brave. Mettez y votre derrière. _ Oh, very hot, very hot. "

"_C'est bien ça, Monsieur?_"

"Every time, " said Berry. "Now the next.... _D'abord avec lesdoigts_.... That's enough, fathead. What's the brace done?"

"_Mais, Monsieur----_"

"_Si vous disputez, _" said Berry gravely, "_vous ne l'aurez passeulement où le poulet a reçu la hache, mais je n'aurai pas de choixmais de vous demander de retourner à vos b-b-b-boeufs. _"

"_Pardon, Monsieur. _"

"Granted, Herbert, granted, " was the airy reply. "But you must takeoff that worried look. _Ca me rappelle la maison des singes.... Oh, terrible, terrible. Et le parfum_.... My dear Herbert, _il frappel'orchestre_.... And now, suppose we resume our improvement of theworking day. "

Except for the laboured breathing of Herbert, the remaining bolts wereaffixed in silence. 

"_Bien, _" said Berry. "_Maintenant le_ jack. I trust, Herbert, thatyou have a supple spine. _Voici. Tournez, mon ami, tournez.... Now, non, NONG!_ You bull-nosed idiot! _A gauche!_"

"_A-a-ah! Oui, oui, Monsieur! A gauche, à gauche. _"

"All right, " said Berry. "I said it first. It's my brain-wave.... That's right. Now pull back--_tirez_. _Bon_. Now shove it _ici, dansla bottine_.... And must you kneel upon the wing, Herbert? Must you?A-a-ah! Get off, you clumsy satyr!"

A yell of protest from Herbert suggested that Berry's protest had beenreinforced _vi et armis_. 

"_Non, non, Monsieur! Laissez-moi tranquil. Je ne fais quo ce quevous commandez.... _"

"Dog, " said my brother-in-law, "you lie! Never mind. Pick up thatwheel instead. _Prenez la roue, Herbert_.... _C'est bien. Alors, attachez-la ici. _ Yes, I know it's heavy, but _ne montrez pas lalangue_. _Respirez par le nez, man_. And don't stagger like that. Itmakes me feel tired.... So. Now, isn't that nice? Herbert, my Son, _void la fin de votre travail_. "

"_C'est tout, Monsieur?_"

"_C'est tout, mon ami_. Should you wish to remember me in yourprayers, _je suis le Comte Blowfly, du Rat Mort, Clacton-on-Sea_. Telegraphic address, Muckheap. And there's ten francs towards yournext shave. "

"_Oh, Monsieur, c'est trop gentil. J'ai été heureux----_"

"_Pas un mot_, Herbert. Believe me, it's cheap at the price. What'smore, _je suis enchanté d'avoir fait votre connaissance_. "

"_A votre service, Monsieur. _"

"Itch Deen, " said Berry. "Itch Deen. And if ever one of your bullocksbursts and you have to put in a new one, I only trust I shall be out ofearshot. _Au revoir, mon ami. Ne faites-pas attention au monsieuravec le nez rouge dans l'auto. Il est grise. _"

The reverent look with which Herbert favoured me, as he returned to hisoxen, I shall never forget. Clearly, to be in the arms of Dionysus byeleven o'clock in the morning was arguing at once an affluence and adiscretion which were almost sacred. 

"Ah, " said Berry, making his appearance, "you're awake, are you? I'vejust finished. Herbert's been watching me. Have you got thebeer-opener there? It's--it's tiring work. "

"What is?" said I grimly. "Instructing?"

"That's it, " said my brother-in-law. "I explained as I went along. Herbert was most interested. A little dense, you know, but such a nicefellow. He thinks the world of you. Now, I think the beer-opener's inthe left-hand----"

"In you get, " said I, starting the engine. "Philanthropy and beerdon't go together. "

With his foot upon the step, Berry regarded me. 

"I should like Herbert's ruling on that, " he said. "Besides, I've gota thirst which is above rubies. "

"Think what it'll be like by lunch-time, " said Jill. "Besides, " sheadded, searching for her bag, "I've got some acid drops somewhere. "

With an unearthly shriek Berry clawed at his temples.... For a momenthe rocked to and fro agonisedly. Then he climbed heavily into the car. 

As he sank back against the cushions--

"Murderess, " he said. "And it was the best I've had since Egypt. "

 * * * * *

Two hours later we ran into Montrejeau, crept by its exquisitemarket--roofed and pillared and carrying its four hundred years as theywere forty--dropped down a wicked hill, and swept over an infantGaronne on to the Luchon road. 

Before we had covered five kilometres we sighted our goal. 

'A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. '

Out of the blowing meadows rose up an eminence. But for the snow-cladheights beyond, you would have called it a mountain. Its slopes weretimbered, and if there was a road there, this could not be seen. Highup above the trees was a city wall, standing out boldly, as rampartsshould. Within the wall, still higher, were houses, white, ancient, stern-faced. And there, clear above them all, perched upon the verypoint of the hill, towered a cathedral. The size of it turned the cityinto a close. Its site, its bulwarks, however, turned the church intoa castle. Here was an abbot filling the post of constable. The longeryou gazed, the stronger the paradox became. Pictures of peace and warbecame inextricably confused. Men-at-arms mumbled their offices; steelcaps concealed tonsures: embrasures framed precious panes: trumpetssounded the Angelus: mail chinked beneath vestments: sallies becameprocessions: sentinels cried "_Pax vobiscum_".... Plainly mostvenerable, the tiny city and the tremendous church made up a livingrelic, of whose possession Memory can be very proud. Saint-Bertrand-de-Comminges ranks with the Leaning Tower of Pisa. There is nothing like it in all the world. 

Presently we passed through the meadows, climbed up the tree-cladslopes, and came to a little terrace under the city-wall. Full in thesunlight, sheltered from the wind, the pleasaunce made an idealrefectory. The view of the mountains, moreover, which it afforded wassuperb. I stole by the city gate and berthed Pong close to the lowparapet.... 

Ten minutes later Ping drew up behind us. 

"Isn't this just lovely?" cried Adèle, applying the hand-brake. 

"It's unique, " said I, advancing. "How did the car go?"

"Like a train, " said Jonah, helping Daphne to alight. "I may add thatI've enjoyed being driven. "

"Oh, Jonah, how nice of you!" cried Adèle. 

It was, indeed, a compliment worth having. 

"I told you so, " I said unctuously. 

"And now, " said Berry, "if you've quite done scratching one another'sbacks----"

"Vulgar brute!" said Daphne. 

"I beg your pardon?"

My sister repeated the appellative. 

Instantly her husband assumed an attitude of listening ecstasy. 

"Hark!" he exclaimed dramatically. "I he-ear my lo-ove calling. " Arapturous smile swept into his face. "It must be clo-osing time. " Hechanged his tone to one of indicative solicitude. "More to the left, sweet chuck. No. That's the water-trough. I've got the pram here. "

A master of pantomime, Berry can create an atmosphere with a look and aword. 'On the halls, ' he would probably be a complete failure. On theterrace beneath the walls of St. Bertrand he was simply side-splitting. Daphne and Jonah included, we collapsed tearfully.... 

As we did so there was a roar of laughter behind us. 

One and all, we turned blindly about, to see a slim figure in a greytweed suit dash for the gateway. As we looked, a grey hat flew off. The next moment its owner was within the walls. 

I ran to the gateway and stared up a little paved street. It was quiteempty. After a moment I returned to pick up the hat. Looking at this, I saw that it came from Bond Street. 

What was more remarkable was that twenty paces away was standing a greytwo-seater. It was quite evident that, for car and passenger toapproach without our knowledge, we must have been extremelypreoccupied, and the new-comer's engine uncannily silent. 

After some discussion of the incident, we placed the hat in thetwo-seater and proceeded to lunch.... 

The meal was over, and Jonah and I were washing the glasses, when--

"Now, no guide-books, please, " said my brother-in-law. "I've read itall up. Where we are now was the _ulularium_. "

"Whatever's that?" said Jill. 

"The howling-green, " said Berry. "The monks used to come and howl herebefore breakfast. "

"What did they howl for?" said Adèle. 

"It was a form, " was the reply, "of mortification, instituted byAitchless the 'Alf-baked and encouraged by his successor, who presentedan empty but still fragrant beer-barrel to be howled for uponMichaelmas Eve. " After the manner of a guide, the speaker preceded usto the gateway. "And now we come to the gate. Originally one-half itspresent width, it was widened by the orders of Gilbert the Gluttonous. The work, in which he took the deepest interest, was carried out underhis close supervision. Indeed, it was not until the demolition of thestructure had been commenced that he was able to be released from aposition which was embarrassing not only his digestion, but his peaceof mind, inasmuch as it was denying ingress to a cardinal who had muchinfluence at the Vatican and was wearing tight boots. "

The steep, narrow street was walled by great houses of the fifteenthand sixteenth centuries, while at the top a little archway buttressed amansion of obvious importance. 

"We now enter, " said Berry, with the time-honoured flourish of thehired conductor, "the famous Bishops' Row. At one time or another, inevery one of these dwellings prelates of all sizes and shapes havesnored, swallowed, and generally fortified the flesh. Upon that doorwere posted the bulletins announcing the progress towards recovery ofRudolph the Rash, who in the fifteenth year of his office decided totake a bath. His eventual restoration to health was celebrated withgreat rejoicing. From that window Sandwich, surnamed the Slop-pail, was wont to dispense charity in the shape of such sack as he foundhimself reluctantly unable to consume. Such self-denial surprised evenhis most devoted adherents, until it was discovered that the bishop hadno idea that he was pouring libations into the street, but, with somehazy intention of conserving the remains of his liquor, invariablymistook the window for the door of a cupboard. The house on the leftis of peculiar interest. Behind those walls----"

"I wouldn't interrupt you for worlds, " said Daphne, "and I'm sure thecathedral won't be half so interesting, but, perhaps, if we saw thatfirst.... "

"That's right, " said her husband. "Twist the sage's tail. Now I'velost my place. I shall have to begin all over again. " He paused topass his hand across his eyes. Then he flung out an arm. "We nowenter the famous Bishops' Row. At one time or another, in every one ofthese dwellings prelates of all.... "

We fairly fled up the street. 

We had visited the shrine: we had wondered at the silver eloquence ofarchitects: we had examined one by one sixty-six of the most exquisitestalls that ever graced a choir: we had stared at thrones, pulpit, organ-case and a great frieze--all of them carved with a cunning whichmoney could never buy, and to-day great love and piety are too poor topurchase--we had walked in the cloisters: we had been shown the relics:and whilst the others were picking over some picture postcards, I waslooking at an old fountain in the cathedral square. 

"I say, " said a pleasant voice. 

Upon the other side of the basin was a slim figure in a grey tweedsuit--a nice-looking boy of about twenty summers. His thick, dark hairwas uncovered, and there was a grave look in the big brown eyes. 

"Hullo, " said I. "You're the runaway. "

"That's right, " he said quickly. "I only want to apologise. I'mafraid I was awfully rude to laugh like that, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't listening. "

He turned away hurriedly. 

"Here, I say!" I cried, stepping after him. With his chin on hisshoulder the boy hesitated, like some wild thing. "Don't go, " I added. "It's quite all right. If my brother-in-law likes to make a fool ofhimself, why shouldn't you laugh?"

"I know, but----"

"My dear fellow, " said I, "the more the merrier. Besides, we use thesame hatter. So let's be friends. You're all alone, aren't you?"

"Er--yes. I'm really staying at Pau, and, as I'd got nothing----"

"I knew I'd seen your car before. Didn't you go to Lourdes on Tuesday?"

The boy started. 

"Yes, sir. I--I think I did. "

He was really extraordinarily nervous. 

"That's right, " I continued. "We were on the way back from Cauterets. By the way, I see you've got one of the new models. How does she go?"

We walked down to the gate, talking easily enough.... 

By the time the others arrived, the two-seater's bonnet was open, and Ihad promised to teach him to change speed without taking out the clutch. 

"Isn't that sweet?" said Jill's voice. 

My companion started upright. 

"You like it?" he said, flushing. 

"I think it's wonderful, " said my cousin. 

So it was. 

I have seen many mascots. But, seated upon the cap of the radiator, alittle silver reproduction of the Ares Ludovisi knocked memories ofnymphs, hounds, and urchins into a cocked hat. 

"I'd like you to have it, " said the boy suddenly. "Which is your car?"

"Oh, but I can't take it, " cried Jill breathlessly. "It's awfullygenerous of you, but I couldn't think of----"

"Well, let's just see how it looks. You were in the first car, weren'tyou?"

It was about a thousand to one against the two caps beinginterchangeable, but the miracle came off. Once Ares was in his newseat, nothing would induce his owner to disestablish him. 

"Keep him to-day, at least, " he insisted. "Please do. I thinkit--it'll bring me luck. "

"You're awfully kind, " said Jill. "Why did you run away?"

Daphne took my arm and called Berry. Together we strolled up theterrace. Jonah was showing Adèle the points of the two-seater. 

"Who, " said my sister, "is this attractive youth?"

"I've not the faintest idea, " said I. "But he's staying at Pau. "

"Well, Jill's got off, " was the reply. "They're like a couple ofchildren. "

"Ah!" said Berry unexpectedly. 

"What on earth's the matter?" said Daphne. 

"Listen, " rejoined her husband. "I've laid an egg--metaphorically. We're all terrified of Jill getting pinched--againmetaphorically--aren't we? Very good. Let's encourage thisfriendship. Let it swell into an attachment. They're far too young tothink about marriage. Of course, we shan't see so much of her, but, asthe sainted Martin said, half a cloak's better than no bags. "

"Dear lad, " said Daphne, slipping her arm through his, "you're notlaying at all. You're getting broody. " With that, she turned to me. "And what do you think about it?"

"He's a gentleman, " said I. "And he's a child. Children, I suppose, attract children. Let him be asked to tea, and they can play in thenursery. "

"Thank you, " said my sister. "Now I'll break it to you. Subject tothe usual formalities, Jill will marry that boy within the year. "

"B-but it's absurd, " bubbled Berry. "It's out of the question. They'dbe like the Babes in the Wood. What that he-child's doing on his own, I can't imagine. I should think he's a ward in Chancery who's givenhis guardians the slip. And the two together'd make a combinationabout as well fitted to cope with Life as a mute with a megaphone. "

"On the contrary, " said Daphne, "they'll get on splendidly. They'llturn the world into a playground. Wherever they go, everybody'll droptheir tools and go down on their knees and play with them. " Shelaughed delightedly. "I tell you, it'll be like a fairy tale. "

"Of course, " I said, "I see what it is. You're at your old games. "

"I'm not, " was the fierce retort. "D'you think I want to lose Jill?But she'll have to go some day. It's inevitable. And the only thingshe could ever really love is a playmate. The finest lover in theworld would never find the trick of Jill's heart. Only a child can dothat. She might marry him easily--the lover, I mean. And she'd behappy, of course. But she'd miss the biggest thing in life. Well, eligible playmates are pretty scarce. I've been watching for one foryears. Mind you, I don't say this boy's going to do. There may be ascore of reasons that put his suit out of court. But, on the face ofit, he's nearer the mark than anything I've seen. "

Thoughtfully we turned back the way we had come... 

After a long silence--

"Any way, " said Berry gloomily, "the first thing to do 's to find outwho he is. Perhaps Jill's done it. "

"That, " said my sister, "is the very last thing she'd think of. "

We returned to where Ping and Pong were standing, to find that Jonahand Adèle had disappeared, while Jill was being taught to drive thetwo-seater. The environs of Saint-Bertrand-de-Comminges do not make agood school, but master and pupil cared not for that. Indeed, theywere so engrossed in their exercise that our approach was unobserved. 

The two were at the top of their bent. 

Flushed with excitement, laughing, chattering like old friends, ladyand squire were having the time of their lives. They were, certainly, wonderfully matched. If Jill was a picture, so was the boy. Hisgravity was gone. The fine, frank face was fairly alight withhappiness, the brown eyes dancing, the strong white teeth flashingmerriment. From being good-looking, he had become most handsome. Ifhe was to find the trick of Jill's heart, she had laid a pink fingerupon the catch of his charm. 

For a moment we stood marvelling.... 

Then Jill saw us with the tail of her eye. 

"I say, " she cried, twittering, "he's going to teach me to drive. He'scoming to lunch to-morrow, and then we're going along the Morlaas road, because that'll be quiet. "

As Adèle and Jonah emerged from the gateway--

"You can't have the Morlaas road to-morrow, " said Berry, "because I'vegot it. I'm going to practise reversing through goats. It's allarranged. Five million of the best new-laid goats are to be in line oftroop columns two kilometres south of the 'L' of a 'ill by threeo'clock. "

Jill addressed her companion. 

"We'll go another way, " she said. "I don't suppose he's really goingthere, but, if he did.... Well, when he says he's going backwards onpurpose, we always get out of the car. "

The naïveté with which this unconsciously scathing criticism wasphrased and uttered trebled its poignancy. 

Berry collapsed amid a roar of laughter. 

Then Jonah pulled out his watch, and we began to arrange ourselves. That Jill might return with her brother and have her mascot too, we hadto swap cars; for, as the only two mechanics, Jonah and I nevertravelled together. I was sorry about it, for Pong was the apple of myeye. Seldom, if ever, had we been parted before. Jonah, I fancy, feltthe same about Ping. 

Our new friend was going straight back. We, however, were proposing toreturn by Bagnères-de-Bigorre, and suggested that he should accompanyus. He shook his head gravely. 

"No. I--I have to get back, " he said heavily. "I must. " Then hebowed to Daphne and to us all. "You've been very kind to me. Good-bye. "

As he turned--

"Till to-morrow, " I cried heartily. "You know where we live?"

"Oh, yes. You're Captain Pleydell. "

"That's right. Oh, and--er--by the way, I don't think we know yourname. "

For a moment the boy hesitated. Then he turned scarlet. 

"N-neither do I, " he said. 

 * * * * *

It was four o'clock by the time we reached Lannemezan, so, after alittle discussion, my wife and Berry and I determined to cutBagnères-de-Bigorre out of our itinerary and return to Pau by the wayby which we had come. Whether the others, who were ahead of us, hadcome to the same decision, we could not tell. 

Berry was driving like a professional. The fact, however, that betweenLannemezan and Tarbes the pleasant road was littered with moredog-carts and bullock-waggons than one would have expected any threedepartments of France to be able to furnish, tended to cramp his style. The uses, moreover, to which the occupants of these vehicles subjectedthe way argued a belief not so much in progress as in _esprit decorps_. As often as not the carts moved three abreast, their humancomplements comparing excited notes, gossiping and making merry with asmuch disregard of their whereabouts as if they were gathered in afamiliar tavern. As for the waggons, these were frequently unattended, their custodians trudging disinterestedly in rear, absorbed ingood-natured argument and leaving their bullocks to place their owninterpretation upon the rule of the road. Such confidence was seldommisplaced: still, for the driver of an approaching car to share it, demanded, I suppose, an experience of oxen which we did not possess. 

After a few miles my brother-in-law's patience began to show signs ofwear and tear, and by the time we had reached Tournay it was positivelythreadbare. For this Adèle and I paid almost as heavily as he. Butfor the horn by his side, many an infuriated chauffeur would have losthis reason. It is a kind of safety-valve. Berry's employment of thisconvenient accessory was characterised by a savagery which, ifdeplorable, is not uncommon. The frequency, however, with whichpassage simply had to be asked was truly terrible. Disapproval at onceso bitterly and constantly expressed was most distressing. Our headsbegan to ache violently.... 

To crown our annoyance, we picked up a cast shoe--with the inevitableresult. When, fortified by the knowledge that it was my turn to changethe wheel, Berry ventured to point out that such an acquisition wasextremely fortunate, the power of speech deserted me. 

Dusk was falling as we ran into Tarbes.... 

"D'you think, " said Adèle, "that we could find a chemist? My headfeels as if it was going to burst. "

We sought diligently without success. After a little we stopped andasked a postman. An apothecary of sorts, it appeared, was plying histrade two side-streets away. Adèle and I descended to go and visit him. 

I was rather sceptical about the virtue of the drug which waseventually produced to us, but, after a little discussion, we purchasedthe tablets and asked for some water with which to swallow them. 

I must confess that when we returned to find no sign of the car, I wasextremely annoyed. It was rapidly growing dark and it had become cold. Adèle was tired and had had no tea. The market was up, with the resultthat the streets were swarming. I cursed my brother-in-law withpardonable acerbity. 

"It's all right, old chap, " said Adèle, taking my arm. "He's probablyjust around somewhere. Let's go and look for him. "

He was not around anywhere. 

We struggled to the right, we fought our way to the left, we pushed andwere pushed back to the _pharmacie_, and we returned laboriously to ourstarting-point. All the time we were devilled by the lingering ideathat Berry was searching for us, and that we were just avoiding him atevery turn. After another two minutes, I took my protesting wife backto the chemist's shop, requested his hospitality on her behalf, and, after seeing her received by a glowing Frenchwoman into an inner room, turned up my collar and advanced blasphemously into the street. 

Almost immediately Berry stumbled into my arms. 

"_The car!_" he gasped. "_A plant! Quick! Or they'll do us down!_"

I stared at him stupidly. 

His coat was torn and he was streaming with sweat. Also his hat wasmissing, and there was a cut on his cheek. 

"You're hurt, " I cried. 

"Right as rain, " he panted. "Tell you 's we go. " He started to peltup the street. I ran by his side. "'Bout two minutes after you'dgone--fellow ran up t' the car in hell of a state--firs' couldn' makeout what matter was--talked too fast--then gathered, you'd senthim--Adèle had been taken ill--lie, of course--see now--never occurredto me at time--told him get on step and guide me--burst off upstreet--lef' ri' lef stunt--'fore knew where I was, cul de sac--pulledup--nex' second, both doors open and toughest cove 've ever seen toldme t' hop it--in bad American--round to t' left here--course I tumbledat once--dirty work--tried t' hit him--nothing doing--tried to lockcar--couldn't--hauled out anyhow--no good yelling--ran find you--oneray hope--out of petrol--I never stopped engine--petered out on itsown--can on step, I know--but they'll have to locate trouble--and thendecant--left again here ... No ... Wait. " He looked from side to sideanxiously. Then he swung round and glanced back. "Gad, I think we'rewrong. " He started back frantically. "No, that's right. I 'memberthat café. " We swung round again. Arrived once more at the corner, again he hesitated, twitching his lips nervously and sobbing for wantof breath. "These blasted streets, " he jerked out. "I tried tomemorise 'em, but---- _There they are, Boy! There they are!_"

It was true. 

Turning away from us into a street on our left, about forty paces away, was our own blue coupé.... 

But for the fact that a cart was presenting a momentary obstruction, our quarry would have been gone. As it was, I flung myself on to therunning-board as she was gathering speed.... 

Without a word, I thrust my arm in at the window and switched off theengine. As she slowed up I leapt for the bonnet, whipped it open andfelt for the high-tension wire. At that moment the enginere-started.... For a second whoever was driving fumbled with thegears.... As the wheels meshed with a chunk, my fingers found whatthey sought. The next instant the car lunged forward--and the wirebroke. 

I fell on my back, certainly, and my hand was bleeding, but I couldafford to smile. The gun was spiked. 

As I rose to my feet, the car came gently to rest twenty-five pacesaway. 

"All right?" panted Berry by my side. 

"Every time, " said I. "And now for it. " I turned to a gaping youth. "_Allez cherche la police, _" I flung at him. "_Vite!_"

As we came up to the car--

"And may I ask, " drawled a voice, "the meaning of this hold-up? Iguess you'll get tired of answering before you're through, but, as theowner of this vehicle, I'm just curious. "

"Cut it out, " said I shortly. "And just come out of that car. Both ofyou. "

So far as the speaker's companion was concerned, my injunction wassupererogatory. Even as I spoke, with a scream of agony the latteremerged from the car. Holding him fast by the wrist, Berry had almostbroken his arm across the jamb of the door. 

"And why?" said the voice imperturbably. 

"Because the game's up. " I opened the door. "Besides, to tell you thetruth, we're rather particular about our cushions. Till now, no onewith more than three previous convictions has ever sat on them. "

With narrowed eyes, a very square-faced gentleman regarded me grimly. 

"If you hadn't damaged my car, " he said slowly. "I'd get out andrefashion your physiognomy. But I guess I'll wait for the police. "And, with that, he drew a cigar from his pocket, bit off the end, spat, and then lighted the brand with great deliberation. 

I began to think rapidly. 

Violence was out of the question. The fellow was far heavier than I, and obviously as hard as nails. Moreover, I felt instinctively thatthe Queensberry Rules did not mean much to him. As for cunning--well, we were not in the same class. Here was an audacity such as I had notdreamed of. Having lost one throw, the fellow was doubling his stake. Hook having broken in his hand, he had dropped it and picked up Crook. _His game was to bluff the French police_. That was why he was stayingin the car--to give the impression of ownership. If he could maintainthis impression, make it easy for the police to wash their hands of adispute between foreigners, so find favour in their eyes, just turn thescale sufficiently to be allowed to proceed "pending the fullestinquiries"--it might go hard with us.... 

I fancy he read my thoughts, for he took the cigar from his mouth andlaughed softly. 

"Up against it, aren't you?" he said. 

At last a _gendarme_ arrived, and five minutes later we were all on theway to the police-station. 

This was not to my gentleman's taste, but he was too shrewd a knave topress his point. Honesty was his best policy. He did demand hotlythat I should be taken in charge, but I had the better of him inFrench, and after a moment he let that iron go. He fought very hardfor the services of a mechanic, but I was determined that the engineshould remain out of action, and, calling for volunteers upon the crowdof unlookers, soon satisfied the _gendarme_ that to push the car to thestation was easy enough. 

Holding fast to the accomplice, who, for reasons best known to himself, was adopting an injured air in sulky silence, Berry walked by my side. 

"What's his game?" he muttered. "In the face of our papers, he's done. "

"He'll swear they're his, for a monkey. They're in the car. Probablyread them through, while you were looking for me. And all the detailsare on the Travelling Pass. But he's got to get over the photograph. "

"Well, it's up to you, " said Berry. "I used to think I could bluff, but this--this is beyond me. "

When we arrived at the police-station the chief of the police wassummoned, and we told our respective tales. 

Our enemy spoke first--shortly, but much to the point. 

He was returning, he said, to Pau, where he was staying with friends. Finding that he had run out of petrol, while he was passing throughTarbes, he had turned into a side-street to refill without obstructinga main thoroughfare. As he was starting again, an assault had beenmade--an unprovoked assault--seriously damaging the car. Thereupon hehad sent for the police. Now, foiled in their enterprise, the thieves, he understood, were actually daring to say that he had assaulted them. One of them--he nodded at Berry--had certainly been roughly handled, but, Mon Dieu, what did they expect? (Here he took out his watch andfrowned at the dial. ) And now would the police get to work? Hisfriends at Pau would be wondering what had become of him. 

I admit that you could have pushed me over. 

Upon the question of ownership the rogue said not a word. The wholeonus of raising that issue he had thrust on to me. I was to broach thebarrel of improbability, and by so doing to taint my whole case... 

The police were manifestly impressed. 

There was no doubt at all that we were up against it. 

The asperity with which the official asked me what we had to say sentmy heart into my boots. 

I started to tell my story. 

The moment I said that the car belonged to us, police and robber staredat me as if bewitched. Then the latter exploded. 

It was certainly very well done. 

Such fulminations of outraged dignity, such out-pourings of righteousindignation, never were witnessed. It took the united sympathy andassurance of the whole personnel of the station, to smooth the ruffiandown. After a while, however, he condescended to see the humorousside. The police laughed with him.... 

Throughout my recital I had to endure the like. 

As for the chief of police, he was plainly extremely bored. Helistened, patently because it was his duty to let me speak. His cold, indifferent air, the way in which his eyes went straying about theroom, were simply maddening. 

Desperately endeavouring to keep my temper, I ploughed my way on. 

At last--

"Listen, " I said dramatically. "You do not believe me. I do not blameyou. My friend has told a good tale. At present it is my word againsthis. Supposing I bring some evidence?"

"What evidence can you bring?"

"The papers belonging to the car. " I pointed to the usurper. "On hisown showing I cannot have seen them. Yet I will tell you theircontents. I pray you, send for them. They're in the left----"

"Wrong, sonny, " said my antagonist, tapping his coat. "I always carry'em here. " And, with that, he drew out our wallet and flung it uponthe desk. 

With our Pass in his hands, the chief of the police blinked at me. 

"The chassis number?" he said. 

"P 1709. "

Up went his eyebrows. 

"And on the number-plates?"

"XD 2322. "

The official folded the Pass and shook his head. 

"Wrong, " he said shortly. 

As I stared at him, frowning--

"Yes, sonny, " said the jeering voice. "An' don't go putting it up thatyou're J. Mansel, 'cause the picture's against you. "

With the words the truth came to me. 

It was Ping--Jonah's car--that was standing without in the street. _And I had given Pong's numbers_.... 

With a grin of triumph the impostor rose to his feet. 

"So that's that, " he drawled. "Well, I guess I'll be moving. As forthese climbers----"

"Pardon me, sir, " said Berry, in pretty fair French, "but you will donothing of the sort. " He turned to the chief of the police andinclined his head. "I am a nobleman, and--I should like a chair. "

For a moment the other stared at him; then he sent for a seat. Had Istood in his shoes, I should have done the same. My brother-in-law'sair was irresistible. 

Berry sat down carefully. 

"I shall not, " he said, "keep you long. This is not my car. Itbelongs to my cousin, Captain Jonathan Mansel. Look at the Pass, please, and check me. Captain Mansel was born at Guildford, Surrey, isit not so? Good. Now I have given the birthplace. " He shot out anaccusing hand. "_Ask that gentleman the date. _"

For the second time the tough exploded, but with a difference. Thistime the wrath was genuine, the passion real. There was somethingbeastly about it. Beside this paroxysm the other outburst had beenalmost refined. 

The official who had been about to speak looked at the fellowcuriously, and when, a moment later, the latter stretched out his handfor the Pass, he held up a prohibitive palm. 

As the storm died down--

"Good, " said Berry. "The gentleman doesn't want to. The date isDecember the fifteenth, 1891. " He sighed profoundly. Then: "You havea _gendarme_ here, " he said musingly, "called Jean Laffargue. "

The chief of the police stared. 

"Yes, _Monsieur_. He is there, by the door. "

Berry nodded. 

"He has a twin brother, hasn't he?"

"Perfectly, _Monsieur_. He is called '_François. _'"

"Very likely, " said Berry. "Very likely. I call him _Herbert_!"

"_Monsieur le Comte_, " said Herbert, stepping into the room. 

"Ah, Herbert, " said Berry airily, "we meet again. " He nodded at theofficial. "Just tell this gentleman about this morning, will you? Hewould, I think, be interested. "

To say that Herbert came up to the scratch is to do scant justice tothe testimony which he gave and to the manner in which he gave it. Heswore to Berry: he swore to me: and in all honesty he swore to the car. For this, since Ping and Pong were duplicates, he may be forgiven. Hedescribed the morning's incident with a wealth of picturesque detailand an abundance of vivid imagery, while an astute cross-examinationonly served to adorn the sincerity of his tale. 

Finally, in response to his entreaties, police and all, we followed himinto the street, where, displaying a histrionic ability which was trulyFrench, he proceeded to reconstruct and rehearse his great adventurewith the enthusiasm of a zealot. 

Watch in hand, Berry touched the chief of the police upon the shoulder. 

"By now, " he said, "I think my cousin may have reached Pau. If youwould like to telephone.... "

He stopped suddenly to peer right and left into the darkness. 

The gentry had disappeared. 

 * * * * *

Ten minutes later, with a _gendarme_ on either step, we picked up ananxious Adèle. Then we filled up with petrol, had my makeshiftconnection replaced by a new wire, and started for home. 

As we passed the scene of our meeting with Herbert--

"Which goes to prove, " said my brother-in-law, "the wisdom of catchingat straws. I noticed his likeness to Herbert the moment we entered theroom, and, for what it was worth, I kept my eye on him. Then a_gendarme_ came in and whispered. I caught the words '_votre frère_. 'Laffargue shrugged his shoulders and glanced at the clock. It lookedas if his brother was waiting for him to come off duty. I began towonder whether the two were going to blow my ten francs. During one ofthe arguments I shot my bolt. I asked him to tell his twin-brotherthat the Count Blowfly was here and would be glad if he'd wait. Hestared rather, but, after a little hesitation, he slipped out of theroom. I think my heart stopped beating until he returned. When helooked at me and nodded, I could have screamed with delight.... "

For a kilometre or so we sat in silence. 

Then--

"It reminds me of poker on board ship, " said I. "Our friend of thesquare jaw cuts in and, with the luck of an outsider, picks up fourkings. "

"That's it, " said Berry. "And we hold three aces. "

"Exactly, " said I. 

"But four kings beat three aces, " said Adèle. 

"You're forgetting Herbert, " said I. 

"No, I'm not, " said my wife. "Herbert's the Ace of Spades. "

"No, sweetheart, " said Berry. "He's the joker. "

 * * * * *

It was early upon the following morning that a letter was brought byhand to our door. 

_DEAR MRS. PLEYDELL, _

_I'm afraid you must have thought all sorts of things about me afterI'd gone yesterday, but I've just this moment had a telegram, and I'mso excited I can hardly write. I know my name now. You see, I used tobe the Marquis Lecco. Then, when Father died, they said he'd neverbeen the Duke at all, and so I had no name. But now it's all settled, and they've lost their case. And I can sign myself always, _

 _Yours very sincerely, PADUA. _

CHAPTER VI

HOW BERRY RAN CONTRABAND GOODS, AND THE DUKE OF PADUA PLIGHTED JILL HISTROTH

That Jill was in love with the Duke of Padua was only less manifestthan that the Duke of Padua was in love with Jill. Something, however, was wrong. So much our instinct reported. Our reason refused tobelieve it, and, with one consent, we pretended that all was well. Forall that, there lay a shadow athwart the babies' path. Yet the sky wascloudless.... The thing was too hard for us. 

With a sigh, I opened my case and took out a cigarette. Then I handedthe case to Berry. The latter waved it aside and wrinkled his nose. 

"I'm through, " he said shortly. "Offal's all very well in anincinerator, if the wind's the right way, but, as a substitute fortobacco--well, it soon palls. "

I closed the case and slid it into my pocket. 

"I must confess, " I said, "that I'm nearing the breaking-point. "

"Well, I wish you'd be quick and reach it, " said Adèle. "How you cango on at all, after finding that fly, I can't imagine. "

She shuddered at the memory. 

Less than a week ago a suspicious protuberance in the line of a localcigarette had attracted my attention. Investigation had revealed thepresence of a perfect, if somewhat withered, specimen of the _muscadomestica_ imbedded in the vegetation which I had been proposing tosmoke. This was too much for the girls, none of whom had since toucheda cigarette, and when my brother-in-law suggested that the fly hadprobably desired cremation, and urged that, however obnoxious, thewishes of the dead should be respected, Daphne had reviled her husbandand requested Jonah to open the door, so that she could sit in adraught. 

We were in a bad way. 

Now that we were in France, the difficulty of obtaining cigars, cigarettes, or tobacco, such as we were used to enjoy, seemed to beinsuperable. The prohibitive duty, the uncertainty and by no meansinfrequent failure of the French mails, brought the cost of procuringsupplies from England to a figure we could not stomach: attempts atpostal smuggling had ended in humiliating failure: the wares whichFrance herself was offering were not at all to our taste. We weregetting desperate. Jonah, who had smoked the same mixture for thirteenyears, was miserable. Berry's affection for a certain brand of cigarsbecame daily more importunate. My liver was suffering.... 

"We'd better try getting a licence to import, " I said heavily. "It maydo something. "

"Ah, " said my brother-in-law, drawing a letter from his pocket, "I knewI had some news for you. I heard from George this morning. I admit Idon't often take advice, but this little missive sounds an unusuallycompelling call. 

"_Above all, do not be inveigled into obtaining or, worse still, actingupon, a so-called 'licence to import. ' It is a copper-bottomed have. I got one, when I was in Paris, gleefully ordered five thousandcigarettes from Bond Street, and started to count the days. I soon gottired of that. Three months later I got a dirty form from the Customs, advising me that there was a case of cigarettes, addressed to me, lyingon the wharf at Toulon--yes, Toulon. They added that the charges to bepaid before collection amounted to nine hundred francs by way of duty, eleven hundred and sixty-five by way of freight, and another threefrancs forty for every day they remained in the Custom House. In thisconnection, they begged to point out that they had already lain therefor six weeks. Friend, can you beat it? But what, then, did I do?Why, I took appropriate action. I wrote at once, saying that, as I wasshortly leaving for New York, I should be obliged if they would forwardthem via Liverpool to the Piraeus: I inquired whether they had anyobjection to being paid in roubles: and I advised them that I wasshortly expecting a pantechnicon, purporting to contain furniture, but, in reality, full of mines. These I begged them to handle with greatcare and to keep in a temperature never higher than thirty-sevendegrees Fahrenheit, as they were notoriously sensitive, and Iparticularly wished to receive them intact. I added that thepantechnicon would be consigned to me under another name. A fairknowledge of the French temperament suggests to me that the next two orthree furniture vans which arrive at Toulon will be very stickilywelcomed. _"

I threw away my cigarette and stared at the mountains. 

"'Though every prospect pleases, '" I murmured, "'and only fags arevile. '"

"The only thing to do, " said Adèle, "is to have a little sent out fromEngland from time to time, and ration yourselves accordingly. "

Berry shook his head. 

"Easier to stop altogether, " he said. "Tobacco's not like food. (I'mnot speaking of the stuff you get here. Some of that is extremely likefood--of a sort. I should think it would, as they say, 'eat lovely. ')Neither is it like liquor. You don't carry a flask or a bottle of beerin your hip-pocket--more's the pity. But nobody's equipment iscomplete without a case or a pouch. Why? So that the moment thisparticular appetite asserts itself, it can be gratified. No. Smoking's a vice; and as soon as you clap a vice in a strait-jacket, itloses its charm. A cigar three times a day after meals doesn't cut anyice with me. " He tilted his hat over his eyes and sank his chin uponhis chest. "And now don't talk for a bit. I want to concentrate. "

Adèle laid a hand upon his arm. 

"One moment, " she said. "If the car arrives before you've finished, are we to interrupt you?"

"Certainly not, darling. Signal to the driver to stop in the middledistance. Oh, and ask approaching pedestrians to keep on the grass. Should any children draw near, advise their nurse that I have themumps. "

We were sitting upon a seat in the Parc Beaumont, revelling in thetemper of the sunshine and the perfection of the air. A furlong away, Daphne, Jill, and Jonah were playing tennis, with Piers, Duke of Padua, to make a fourth. Nobby and a fox-terrier were gambolling upon anadjacent lawn. 

Pau has many virtues, all but one of which may, I suppose, be severallyencountered elsewhere upon the earth. The one, however, is herpeculiar. The place is airy, yet windless. High though she stands, and clear by thirty miles of such shelter as the mountains can give, bysome queer trick of Nature's, upon the map of Æolus Pau and herpleasant precincts are shown as forbidden ground. There is no stiffbreeze to rake the boulevard: there are no gusts to buffet you atcorners: there are no draughts in the streets. The flow of sweet freshair is rich and steady, but it is never stirred. A mile away you maysee dust flying; storm and tempest savage the Pyrenees: upon thegentlest day fidgety puffs fret Biarritz, as puppies plague an oldhound. But Pau is sanctuary. Once in a long, long while some errantblast blunders into the town. Then, for a second of time, the place isBedlam. The uncaught shutters are slammed, the unpegged laundry issent whirling, and, if the time is evening, the naked flames of lampsare blown out. But before a match can be lighted, the air is stillagain. And nobody cares. It was an accident, and Pau knows it. Probably the gust had lost its way and was frightened to death. Such athing will not happen again for two or three months.... 

"I like Piers, " said Adèle suddenly. "But I think he might kiss myhand. "

"How dare you?" said I. 

"I do really, " said Adèle. "He kisses Daphne's and he actually kissesJill's. "

"That's all wrong, " said I. "You don't kiss a maiden's hand. "

"Of course you do, " grunted Berry. "A well-bred son of Italy----"

"But he isn't a son of Italy. He's English on both sides. "

"I'm not talking of his sides, " said Berry. "It's a matter of bosom. You may have English forbears, but if they've been Italian dukes fortwo centuries, it's just possible that they've imbibed somethingbesides Chianti. Personally, I think it's a very charming custom. Itsaves wiping your mouth, and----"

"Well, why doesn't he kiss my hand?" said Adèle. 

"Because, sweetheart, you are--were American. And--he's verypunctilious--he probably thinks that a quondam citizen might have nouse for such circumstance. "

"I should, " said Adèle. "I should just love it. I like Piers. "

I looked across at my brother-in-law. 

"D'you hear that?" I inquired. "She likes him. "

Berry shrugged his shoulders. 

"I told her not to marry you, " he said. 

"No, you didn't, " said Adèle. "You egged me on. "

"Oh, you wicked story, " said Berry. "Why, I fairly spread myself onthe brutality of his mouth. "

"You said he was honest, sober, and hard-working. "

"Nonsense, " said Berry. "I was talking of somebody else. I have seenhim sober, of course, but---- Besides, you were so precipitate. Youhad an answer for everything. When I spoke of his ears, you said you'dget used to them: and when I asked you if you'd noticed----"

"I shan't, " said Adèle. "I mean, I didn't. However, it's done now. And, after all, he's very convenient. If we hadn't got married, Ishouldn't have wintered at Pau. And if I hadn't wintered at Pau, Ishouldn't have met Piers. "

"True, " said Berry, "true. There's something in that. " He nodded inmy direction. "D'you find he snores much?"

"Nothing to speak of, " said Adèle. "Used he to?"

"Like the devil, " said Berry. "The vibration was fearful. We had tohave his room underpinned. "

"Oh, he's quite all right now, " said my wife. "Indeed, as husbands go, he's--he's very charming. "

"You don't mean to say you still love him?"

"I--I believe I do. "

"Oh, the girl's ill, " said Berry. "Put your head between your knees, dear, and think of a bullock trying to pass through a turnstile. Andwhy 'as husbands go'? As a distinguished consort, I must protestagainst that irreverent expression. "

"Listen, " said Adèle, laughing. "All women adore ceremoniousattention--even Americans. The ceremonious attentions of the man theylove are the sweetest of all. It's the tragedy of every happy marriagethat, when comradeship comes in at the door, ceremony flies out of thewindow. Now, my husband's my king. Once he was my courtier. Iwouldn't go back for twenty million worlds, but--I've got a smile forthe old days. "

"I know, " said Berry softly. "I know. Years ago Daphne told me thesame. And I tried and tried.... But it wouldn't work somehow. Shewas very sweet about it, and very wise. 'Ceremony, ' she said, 'gets asfar as the finger-tips. ' I vowed I'd carry it further, but she onlysmiled.... We retired there and then, ceremoniously enough, to dressfor dinner. I'd bathed and changed and got as far as my collar, whenthe stud fell down my back. I pinched it between my shoulder-blades. At that moment she came to the door to see if I was ready.... " Hespread out expressive hands. "They talk about the step from thesublime to the ridiculous. We didn't use any stairs; we went down inthe lift. After that I gave up trying. A sense of humour, however, has pulled us through, and now we revile one another. "

"And so, you see, " said Adèle, slipping an arm through mine, "Piers haswares to offer me which you haven't. The shame of it is, he won'toffer them. Still, he's very nice. The way in which he solemnly takesus all for granted is most attractive. He's as natural as a baby ayear old. He just bows very courteously and then joins in the game. The moment it's over, he makes his bow and retires. We call him Piers:he calls us by our Christian names--and we haven't known him a week. It's not self-confidence; it's just pure innocence. "

"I confess it's remarkable, " said I. "And I don't wonder you like him. All the same, I'm sorry----"

"There!" cried Adèle suddenly, pointing across the lawn. "Boy, he'sgone in again. "

I reached the edge of the ornamental water in time to observe theSealyham emerge upon the opposite bank. 

"You naughty dog, " said I. "You naughty, wicked dog. " Nobby shookhimself gleefully. "No, don't come across. Go round the other way. Go back!"

The dog hesitated, and, by way of turning the scale, I threw my stickfor him to retrieve. As this left my hand, the hook caught in my cuff, and the cane fell into mid-stream.... 

As Nobby climbed out with the stick, the park-keeper arrived--a crabbedgentleman, in a long blue cloak and the deuce of a stew. 

The swans, he said, would be frightened. (There was one swan, threehundred yards away. ) Always they were being pursued by bold dogs. _Mon Dieu_, but it was shameful. That hounds should march unled in theParc Beaumont was forbidden--absolutely. Not for them to uproot werethe trees and flowers planted. Where, then, was my attachment? And Ihad encouraged my dog. Actually I had made sport for him. He had seenthe deed with his eyes.... 

One paw raised, ears pricked, his little head on one side, his smallframe quivering with excitement, his bright brown eyes alight withexpectation, a dripping Nobby regarded us.... 

I took a note from my pocket. 

"He is a wicked dog, " I said. "There. He pays his fine. As for me, Ishall be punished enough. My home is distant, and I was to havedriven. Now he is wet and must grow dry, so I must walk. I will thinkout his punishment as I go. " And, with that, I hooked my cane to thedelinquent's collar and turned away. 

"_Pardon, Monsieur. _" The old fellow came shambling after us. "_Pardon_, but do not punish him, I pray you. " Nobby screwed round hishead and looked at him. "Oh, but how handsome he is! Perhaps he didnot understand. And I should be sorry to think ... " Nobby startedtowards him and moved his tail. "See how he understands. He has theeyes of a dove. " He stooped to caress his _protégé_. "Ah, but you arecold, my beauty. Unleash him, _Monsieur_, I pray you, that he may warmhimself. I shall not notice him. " As I did his bidding, and Nobbycapered away, "_Bon, _" he said pleasedly. "_Bon. Au revoir, monbeau. _" He straightened his bowed shoulders and touched his hat. "_Avotre service, Monsieur. _"

I returned thoughtfully to where Adèle and Berry were sitting, watchingus closely and pretending that we did not belong to them. So far aspersonal magnetism was concerned, between Nobby and the Duke of Paduathere seemed to be little to choose. To judge by results, the two wereequally irresistible. In the race for the Popularity Stakes the restof the males of our party were simply nowhere. 

With a sigh, a blue coupé slid past me and then slowed down. The greytwo-seater behind it did the same. When I say that Daphne, who loathesmechanics, was seated in the latter conveyance, submitting zealously toan oral examination by Piers regarding the particular functions of thevarious controls, it will be seen that my recent conclusions were wellfounded. 

"Letters, " said Jill, getting out of the coupé. "One for Berry and twofor Adèle. " She distributed them accordingly. "Fitch brought them upon his bicycle. And Piers' aunt is coming--the one whose villa he'sat. I forgot her name, but he says she's awfully nice. "

"Splendid, " said I. "And now congratulate me. Having tramped the townall the morning, I've got to walk home. "

"Why?"

I pointed to Nobby. 

"That he may warm himself, " I said. 

My cousin gave a horrified cry. 

"Oh, Boy! And we only washed him last night. "

"I'll take him, " cried Piers. "I'd like to. And you can drive Daphneback. "

I shook my head, laughing. 

"It's his master's privilege, " I said. "Besides, he's had hisscolding, and if I deserted him he'd be hurt. And he's really a goodlittle chap. "

"But----"

"My dear Piers, " said Daphne, laying a hand on his arm, "rather thanrisk hurting that white scrap's feelings, my brother would walk toLyons. "

"You will all, " said Berry, "be diverted to learn that I am faced withthe positively filthy prospect of repairing to London forthwith. Afterspending a quarter of an hour in an overheated office in New Square, Lincoln's Inn, in the course of which I shall make two affidavits whichnobody will ever read, I shall be at liberty to return. Give me theLaws of England. "

"Never mind, old chap, " said Daphne. "We'll soon be back again. Ishall go with you, of course. Ought we to start to-night?"

Considering that there was snow in London, that the visit would entailalmost continuous travelling for nearly thirty hours each way, and thatmy sister cannot sleep in a train, it seemed as if Berry, at any rate, was pulling out of the ruck. 

"My sweet, " replied my brother-in-law, "I won't hear of it. However, we'll argue it out in private. Yes, I must start to-night. "

"You must go?" said Jonah softly. 

"Can't get out of it. "

"Right. " My cousin leaned out of the car. "I'll give you mytobacconist's address. The best way will be to have the stuff decantedand sewn in your coat. "

There was a pregnant silence. 

Then--

"Saved!" I cried exultantly. "Saved!"

"What d'you mean--'Saved'?" said Berry. 

"Hush, " said I, looking round. "Not an 'h' mute! This summons ofyours is a godsend. With a little ingenuity, you can bring enoughcontraband in to last us till May. "

 * * * * *

If our efforts to induce my brother-in-law to see reason wereeventually successful, this was no more than we deserved. We madelight of the risk of detection, we explained how the stuff could beconcealed, we told him the demeanour to assume, we said we wished wewere going, we declared it was done every day, we indemnified himagainst fines, we entreated, we flattered, we cajoled, we appealed tohim "as a sportsman, " we said it was "only right, " we lookedunutterable things, and at last, half an hour before it was time forhim to start for the station, he promised, with many misgivings andexpressions of self-reproach, to see what he could do. Instantly, frombeing his suppliants, we became his governors; and the next twentyminutes were employed in pouring into his ears the most explicitdirections regarding his purchase and disposal of our particularfancies. Finally we made out a list.... 

He had absolutely refused to allow my sister to accompany him, but weall went down to the station to see him off. 

As we were pacing the platform--

"Have you got the list?" said Jonah. 

The same question had been asked before--several times. 

"Yes, " said Berry, "I have. And if anybody asks me again, I shallproduce it and tear it into shreds before their eyes. "

"Well, for Heaven's sake, don't lose it, " said I, "because----"

"To hear you, " said Berry, "anybody would think that I was mentallydeficient. Anybody would think that I was going to enclose it in anote to the Customs, telling them to expect me on Saturday, disguisedin a flat 'at and a bag of gooseberries, and advising them to pull uptheir socks, as I should resist like a madman. I don't know what's thematter with you. "

We endeavoured to smooth him down. 

"And if, " purred Daphne, "if there should be any--that is--what I meanis, should any question arise----"

Berry laughed hysterically. 

"Yes, " he said, "go on. 'Any question. ' Such as whether they can giveme more than five years' hard labour. I understand. "

"--get on the telephone to Berwick. He knows the President personallyand can do anything. "

"Sweetheart, " replied her husband, "you may bet your most preciouslife.... If Berwick wasn't in Paris, I wouldn't touch the businesswith the end of a forty-foot pole. "

"I wish I was going with you, " said Daphne wistfully. 

Berry took off his hat. 

"You are, " he said gently, "you are. " He laid his hand upon his heart. "I wish I could put the tobacco in the same poor place. But that'simpossible. For one thing, lady, you've all the room there is. "

Which was pretty good for a king who hadn't been a courtier for nearlynine years. 

 * * * * *

It was upon the following afternoon that Adèle, who was brushing Nobby, sat back on her heels. 

"When Jill, " she said, "becomes the Duchess of Padua, what bloods weshall be. "

"She isn't there yet, " said I. 

"Where?"

"My sweet, " said I, "I apologise. I was using a figure of speech, which is at once slipshod and American. "

"That, " said my wife, "is the worst of being English. You're like theIndian tailor who was given a coat to copy and reproduced a tear in thesleeve. Imitation can be too faithful. Never mind. I forgive you. "

"D'you hear that, Nobby?" The terrier started to his feet. "Did youhear what the woman said? That we, who have founded precedents fromtime immemorial--that you and I, who taught America to walk----"

"He's Welsh, " said Adèle. 

"I don't care. It's scandalous. Who defiled the Well of English? Andnow we're blamed for drinking the water. "

Adèle looked out of the window and smiled at a cloud. 

"Once, " she said slowly, "once I asked you if you would have known Iwas an American.... And when you said 'Yes, ' I asked you why.... Doyou remember your answer? ... Of course, " she added swiftly, "that wasbefore we were married. "

"You beautiful witch, " said I. "You unkind, beautiful witch. You'veonly to touch the water with the tip of your little red tongue to makeit pure. You've only to put your lips to it to make it the sweetestmusic that ever a poor fool heard. You've only to smile like that tomake me proud to kiss your shining foot. "

"Nobby!" cried Adèle. "Oh, Nobby! Did you hear that? Did you hearwhat the man said? A real courtier's speech! But how can he kiss myfeet when I'm sitting on them?"

I stepped to her side, picked her up, and swung her on to a table. 

Then I kissed her sweet insteps. 

From her perch my wife addressed the Sealyham. 

"It's all right, Nobby, " she said relievedly. "He is a king, afterall. Only a king would have done that. "

As I sat down by her side--

"I'd love to be a queen, " cried a voice. "Love to. Wouldn't you liketo be a king?"

It was Jill speaking. 

The fresh tones came floating up and in at the open window. She couldnot have heard our words. It was pure coincidence. 

Adèle and I sat very still. 

"I don't know, " said Piers slowly. 

"I'll tell you what I'd do, " said Jill. "I'd--Piers, what is thematter?"

"Nothing, " said Piers. 

"There is, " said Jill accusingly. "You know there is. I can see it inyour eyes. What are you thinking about?"

"I--I don't know, " stammered her swain. 

"I think you might tell me, " said Jill aggrievedly. "I always tell youeverything. Once or twice lately you've got all quiet suddenly--Ican't think why. Is it because your aunt's coming?"

Piers laughed bitterly. 

"Good Heavens, no, " he said. 

"Well, why is it, then?"

For a moment there was no answer. 

Then all of a sudden the sluice-gate of speech was pulled up. 

"Oh, Jill, Jill, Jill... I could go on saying your name for the restof my life! I say it all the way home. I say it as I'm going tosleep. I say it when I wake in the morning... I saw you first atBiarritz. You never knew. I was staying with some Italian people. They've got a place there. And I was alone in the grounds. And then Isaw you--with Boy. You looked so wonderful.... All in green you were, standing with your feet close together, and your head on one side. Your hair was coming down, and the sun was shining on it.... I foundout who you were, and came to Pau. I wanted to get to know you. Ifelt I must. And, whenever you all went out, I followed in thetwo-seater. And then--I got to know you--at St. Bertrand--thatwonderful, wonderful day.... I--was--so--awfully--happy.... Andnow"--his voice sank to a wail--"I wish I hadn't. If only I'd stoppedto think.... But I didn't. I just knew I wanted to be with you, andthat was all. Oh, " he burst out suddenly, "why did I ever do it? Whydid I ever follow you--that wonderful day? If I'd dreamed howmiserable it'd make me, how miserably wretched I'd be... It's thedreadful hopelessness, Jill, the dreadful hopelessness.... But I can'thelp it. It's something stronger than me. It's not enough to be withyou. I want to touch you: I want to put my arms round your neck: Iwant to play with your hair.... Of course I'm terribly lucky to beable to kiss your hand, but---- Ah, don't be frightened. I was--onlyplaying, Jill, only pretending. And now I'm going to be all seriousagain--not quiet, but serious. Good-bye, Madonna. Have you ever seen_Pagliacci_? Where the fellow bursts into tears? I think I could dothat part this afternoon.... "

A light padding upon the gravel came to our ears. 

Then a car's door slammed. 

A moment later Piers' two-seater purred its way down the drive.... 

Adèle and I continued to sit very still. 

Presently I turned to her and raised my eyebrows. 

"Hopelessness?" I whispered. "Hopelessness? What on earth does hemean?"

My wife shrugged her shoulders helplessly. 

Then she laid a finger upon her lips. 

I nodded obediently. 

 * * * * *

"Yes, " said Berry, "you see in me a nervous wreck. My heart'smisfiring, I'm over at the knees, and with the slightest encouragementI can break into a cold sweat. "

He sank into a chair and covered his eyes.... 

I had meant to meet him at the station, but the early train had beatenme, so Fitch had gone with the car. Indeed, it was not yet eighto'clock, and Daphne was still abed. That had not prevented us fromfollowing Berry into her room, any more than had the fact that no oneof us was ready for breakfast. I had no coat or waistcoat: so far ascould be seen, Jonah was attired in a Burberry and a pair of trousers:a glance at Adèle suggested that she was wearing a fur coat, silkstockings, and a tortoise-shell comb, while Jill was wrapped in akimono, with her fresh fair hair tumbled about her shoulders. 

Jonah voiced our anxiety. 

"You--you've got the goods?"

"They're downstairs, " said Berry. "But don't question me. I can'tbear it. I'll tell you all in a minute, but you must let me alone. Above all, don't thwart me. I warn you, my condition is critical. "

He sighed heavily. 

Apparently impressed by his demeanour, Nobby approached, set his pawsupon his knee, and licked his face. 

"There you are, " said Berry, lifting the dog to his lap. "The veryfowls of the air pity me. No, it's not a sore, old chap. It's where Icut myself yesterday. But I'm just as grateful. And now lie still, mybeauty, and poor old Sit-tight the Smuggler will tell you such a taleas will thicken your blood. 

"Upon Friday morning last I purchased a uniform-case. Not a newone--the oldest and most weather-beaten relic I could procure. OnFriday evening I packed it. One thousand cigars, five thousandcigarettes, and six pounds of tobacco looked very well in it. Mysword, a pair of field boots, breeches, coat--carefully folded todisplay the staff badges--and my red hat looked even better. I filledup with socks, shirts, puttees, slacks, spurs and all the old emblemsof Mars that I could lay my hands on. Finally I leavened the lot witha pound of the best white pepper--to discourage the moths, my fellow, to discourage the moths. "

His tone suggesting the discomfiture of the wicked, the Sealyham barkedhis applause. 

"Quite so. Well, I locked the case up and corded it, and precisely atten o'clock I retired to bed. 

"I never remember feeling so full of beans as I did the next morning. I could have bluffed my way across Europe with a barrel of whiskey on alead. I felt ready for anything. Sharp at a quarter to eleven I wasat the station, and one minute later a porter, with the physique of ablacksmith, had the box on his shoulder and my dressing-case in hishand. 

"It was as he was preparing to lay his spoils at the feet of theregistration-monger that my bearer trod upon a banana-skin.... To saythat he took a toss, conveys nothing at all. It was the sort of fallyou dream of--almost too good to be true. And my uniform-case, ofwhich he never let go, described a very beautiful parabola, and thencame down upon the weigh-bridge, as the swiple of an uplifted flailcomes down upon grain.... 

"Both hinges went, of course. It says much for the box that the wholething didn't melt then and there. If I hadn't corded it, most of thestuff would have been all over the Vauxhall Bridge Road. 

"Well, I was so rattled that I could hardly think. I joinedmechanically in the laughter, I assured complete strangers that itdidn't matter at all, I carried through the registration like a man ina dream, and I tipped everybody I could see. It was as I was thrustingblindly towards the gates that I first realised that half the people inthe place were sneezing to glory. I was still digesting thisphenomenon when I sneezed myself.... 

"Still it never occurred to me. There are times when you have to betold right out. I didn't have to wait long. 

"As I presented my ticket, a truck full of luggage was pushed throughthe gate next to mine. The porters about it were sneezing bitterly. 'Snuff?' said one of them contemptuously. 'Snuff be blarsted! _It'spepper!_'

"Whether at that moment my stomach in fact slipped or not I am unableto say, but the impression that my contents had dropped several incheswas overwhelming. 

"I staggered into the Pullman, more dead than alive.... After a largebarley and a small water, I felt somewhat revived, but it was not untilthe train was half-way to Dover that I had myself in hand. I was justbeginning under the auspices of a second milk and soda, to consider myhideous plight, when a genial fool upon the opposite side of the tableasked me if I had 'witnessed the comedy at Victoria. ' Icily Iinquired: 'What comedy?' He explained offensively that 'some cuckoohad tried the old wheeze of stuffing pepper in his trunk to put off theCustoms, ' and that the intended deterrent had untimely emerged. Mybrothers, conceive my exhilaration. 'The old wheeze. ' I could havebroken the brute's neck. When he offered me a filthy-looking cigarwith a kink in it, and said with a leer that I shouldn't 'get many likethat on the other side of the Chops, ' I could have witnessed hismutilation unmoved.... 

"Still, it's an ill wind.... The swine's words were like a spur. Ibecame determined to get the stuff through. 

"Grimly I watched the case go on to the boat, to the accompaniment ofsuch nasal convulsions as I had never believed to be consistent withlife itself. By way of diverting suspicion, I asked one of the crewwhat was the matter. His blasphemous answer was charged with suchmalignity that I found it necessary to stay myself with yet anotherstill lemonade. 

"Arrived at Calais, I hurried on board the train. 

"The journey to Paris was frightful. The nearer we got, the moredishevelled became my wits. The power of concentration deserted me. Finally, as we were running in, I found that I had forgotten the Frenchfor 'moths. ' I'd looked it out the night before: I'd been murmuring itall day long: and now, at the critical moment, it had deserted me. Iclasped my head in my hands and thought like a madman. Nothing doing. I thought all round it, of course. I thought of candles and camphorand dusk. My vocabulary became gigantic, but it did not include theFrench equivalent for 'moths. ' In desperation I approached my_vis-à-vis_ and, in broken accents, implored him to tell me 'the Frenchfor the little creatures which you find in your clothes. '... 

"I like the French. If I'd asked an Englishman, he'd have pulled thecommunication-cord, but this fellow never so much as stared. He justreleased a little spurt of good-will and then started in, as if hisfuture happiness depended on putting me straight. 'But I was meaningthe fleas. Oh, indubitably. Animals most gross. Only last Novemberhe himself.... ' It took quite a lot of persuasion to get him offfleas. Then he offered me lice. I managed to make him understand thatthe attack was delivered when the clothes were unoccupied. Instantlyhe suggested rats. With an effort I explained that the things I meantwere winged. As the train came to a standstill, he handed me'_chauvesouris_. ' Bats! I ask you.... 

"I stepped on to the platform as if I was descending into my tomb. HowI got to the baggage-room, I'm hanged if I know; but I rememberstanding there, shivering and wiping the sweat off my face. Truck bytruck the registered baggage appeared.... 

"I heard my case coming for about a quarter of a mile. 

"The architecture of the baggage-room at the _Gare du Nord_ may becrude, but its acoustic properties are superb. The noise whichaccompanied the arrival of the cortege was simply ear-splitting. I wasin the very act of wondering whether, if I decided to retire, my legswould carry me, when, with a crash, my uniform-case was slammed on tothe counter three paces away.... 

"A cloud of pepper arose from it, and in an instant all was confusion. Passengers and porters in the vicinity dropped everything and made arush for the doors. A Customs official, who was plumbing the depths ofa basket-trunk, turned innocently enough to see the case smoking at hiselbow, dropped his cigar into some blouses, let out the screech of amaniac and threw himself face downward upon the floor. Somebody cried:'Women and children first!' And, the supreme moment having arrived, I--I had the brain-wave. 

"I stepped to the case and, with most horrible oaths, flung my hat uponthe ground, smote upon the counter with my fist and started to ravelike a fanatic. I made the most awful scene. I roared out that it wasmy box, and that it and its contents were irretrievably ruined. Gradually curiosity displaced alarm, and people began to return. Iyelled and stamped more than ever. I denounced the French railways, Idemanded the station-master, I swore I'd have damages, I tore off thecords, I lifted the lid, I alternately sneezed and raged, and, finally, I took out my tunic and shook it savagely. In vain the excisemeninsisted that it was not their business. I cursed them bitterly, jerked an ounce of pepper out of a pair of brogues, and replied thatthey were responsible.... 

"It was after I had shaken my second pair of slacks that the officials, with streaming eyes, began to beseech me to unpack the case no further. If only they'd known, I didn't need much inducing. I could see theshape of a cigarette-box under one of my shirts. Of course I argued abit, for the look of the thing, but eventually I allowed myself to bepersuaded and shoved the kit back. Finally they scrawled all over thelid with pieces of chalk, and, vowing the most hideous vengeance andinvoking the British Ambassador, I stalked in the wake of my box out ofthe station. 

"I was through. 

"I had my dinner in bed. I think I deserved it. Still, I suppose itwas indiscreet to have ordered lobster _á la Newburg_. I have sleptbetter. I _was_ sleeping better at half-past eight the next morning, when a waiter entered to say that _there was an official to see me fromthe Gare du Nord_.... 

"Believing it to be another dream, I turned over and shut my eyes. Thewaiter approached and, touching me on the arm, repeated his ghastlycommunication. With a frightful effort I explained that I had the agueand could see nobody for some days. Mercifully he retired, and for alittle space I lay in a sort of trance. After a bit I began to wonderwhat, in the name of Heaven, I was to do. I was afraid to get up, andI was afraid to stay in bed. I was afraid to stop in the hotel, and Iwas terrified of meeting the official downstairs. I was afraid toleave the case there, and I was still more afraid to take it away. Iwas getting hungry, and I was afraid to ring for breakfast. It was apositively poisonous position. Finally, after a lot of thought, I gotup, bolted the door, unpacked the blasted box and shoved all thetobacco in the drawers of the wardrobe. Luckily there was a key. Thekit I disposed naturally enough. Then I had a bath and dressed. 

"As I was fastening my collar, the telephone went. It was the _Gare duNord_. I jammed the receiver back. 

"As I passed through the hall, a clerk dashed after me 'The _Gare duNord_, ' he said, 'were insisting upon seeing me about a case of mine. 'I replied that I was busy all day, and could see nobody before sixo'clock. I didn't mention that my train went at five. It was as wellI didn't argue, for, as I left the hotel, a station official entered. I leapt into a taxi and told the driver to go to _Notre Dame_. Notthat I felt like Church, but it was the first place I could think of. Somebody shouted after me, but--well, you know how they drive in Paris. I stopped round the second corner, discharged the taxi, and walked to arestaurant. By rights, I should have been ravenous. As it was, thefood stuck in my throat. A bottle of lime-juice, however, pulled metogether. After luncheon I went to a cinema--I had to do something. Besides, the darkness attracted me.... I fancy I dozed for a bit. Anyway, the first thing I remember was a couple of men being arrested inthe lounge of a hotel. It was most realistic. What was more, theclerk who had run after me in the morning and the clerk on the screenmight have been twins.... I imagine that my hair rose upon my head, and for the second time it seemed certain that I had mislaid my paunch. 

"I got out of the place somehow, to find that it was snowing. For thenext hour I drove up and down the _Champs Elysêes_. I only hope thedriver enjoyed it more than I did. At last, when pneumonia seemed verynear, I told him to drive to the hotel. 

"I fairly whipped through the hall and into the lift. As thisascended, a page arrived at the gate and spoke upward. I didn't hearwhat he said. 

"When I was in a hot bath, the telephone went. I let the swine ring. Finally somebody came and knocked at the door. Of my wisdom I hadn'tbolted it, so, after waiting a little, they entered. I lay in the bathlike the dead. After a good look round, they went away.... 

"By twenty past four I'd dressed, and repacked the case. I rang for aporter, told him to shove it on a taxi, and descended to settle mybill. Mercifully, the clerk who had stopped me in the morning was offduty. I could have squealed with delight. I paid my reckoning, tippedabout eight people I'd never seen before, and climbed into the cab. Ten minutes later I was at the _Quai d'Orsay_. 

"By the time I was in the wagon lit it was ten minutes to five.... 

"I sank down upon the seat in silent gratitude. The comfortable glowof salvation began to steal over my limbs. I looked benevolently aboutme. I reflected that, after all, the last thirty hours of my life hadbeen rich with valuable experience. Smilingly I decided not to regretthem. When I thought of the scene in the baggage-room, I actuallylaughed. Then the conductor put his head in at the door and said thatthere was somebody to see me from the _Gare du Nord_. "

Berry suspended his recital and buried his face in his hands. 

"I shall never be the same again, " he said brokenly. "Never again. Upto then I had a chance--a sporting chance of recovery. At that momentit snapped. In a blinding flash I saw what a fool I'd been. If I'donly stayed on the platform, if I'd only gone into the restaurant car, if I'd only locked myself in a lavatory till the train had started, Ishould have been all right. As it was, I was caught--bending. 

"It was the official I'd seen in the morning all right. After apreliminary flurry of ejaculation, he locked the door behind him andbegan to talk.... Don't ask me what he said, because I didn't hear. When the rope's round your neck, you're apt to miss the subtleties ofthe hangman's charge. After a time I realised that he was asking me aquestion. I stared at him dully and shook my head. With a gesture ofdespair, he glanced at his watch. 

"'_Monsieur_, ' he said, 'the train departs. I have sought you all day. The superintendent has told me to speak with you at all costs--to begthat you will lodge no complaint. He is desolated that your baggagewas injured. It is a misfortune frightful. He cannot think how it hasoccurred. But to complain--no. I will tell _Monsieur_ the truth. Twice in the last half-year an English officer's baggage has goneastray. But one more complaint from your Embassy, and thesuperintendent will be replaced. And in ten short days, _Monsieur_, hewill have won his pension.... Ah, _Monsieur_, be merciful. '

"I was merciful. 

"I waved the fellow away and swore haltingly that I would say nothing. We mingled a few tears, and he got out as the train was moving.... 

"And there you are. I'd got my reprieve. Everything in the garden waslovely. But I couldn't enjoy it. My spirits failed to respond. " Hetook the Sealyham's head between his hands and gazed into his eyes. 

 "O Nobwell, Nob-well! Had I but seen the fool at half-past eight As he desired, he would not in the train Have put the wind up me so hellishly. "

There was a moment's silence. 

Then Jonah stepped to my brother-in-law and clapped him on the back. 

"Brother, " he said, "I take my hat off. I tell you frankly I couldn'thave done it. I wouldn't have claimed that case at Paris for athousand pounds. "

Clamorously we endorsed his approval. 

By way of acknowledgment the hero groaned. 

"What you want, " said I, "is a good night's rest. By mid-day to-morrowyou'll be touching the ground in spots. "

"I shan't be touching it at all, " said Berry. "If it's nice and warm, I shall have a Bath chair, which you and Jonah will propel at aconvenient pace. Nobby will sit at my feet as a hostage against yourcareless negotiation of gradients. " He drew a key from his pocket andpitched it on to a table. "I fancy, " he added, "I heard them put thecase on the landing: and as I propose, decorative though it is, toremove my beard, perhaps one of you wasters will fetch me a cigarette. "

There was a rush for the door. 

True enough, the uniform-case was outside. 

Jonah and I had its cords off in twenty seconds. 

One hinge was broken and some khaki was protruding. 

Adèle thrust the key into the lock. This was too stiff for herfingers, so after a desperate struggle, she let me have at the wards.... 

After an exhausting two minutes we sent for a cold-chisel.... 

As the lock yielded, Berry appeared upon the scene. 

For a moment he stared at us. Then--

"But why not gun-cotton?" he inquired. "That's the stuff to open abroken box with, if you don't like the look of the key. You know, you're thwarting me. And don't try to turn the lid back, because therearen't any hin----"

The sentence was never finished. 

As I lifted the lid, my brother-in-law fell upon his knees. Withtrembling hands he plucked at a Jaeger rug, reposing, carefully folded, upon the top of some underclothes. Then he threw back his head andtook himself by the throat. 

"Goats and monkeys!" he shrieked. "_It's somebody else's case!_"

 * * * * *

When, twenty-four hours later, a letter arrived from Piers' aunt, inviting us all to tea, we accepted, not because we felt inclined to gojunketing, but because we did not wish to seem rude. 

We were in a peevish mood. For this the loss of our forbidden fruitwas indirectly responsible. The immediate cause of our ill-humour wasthe exasperating reflection that we were debarred from taking eventhose simple steps which lead to the restoration of lost luggage. Westood in the shoes of a burglar who has been robbed of his spoils. Aslike as not, our precious uniform-case was lying at the station, waiting to be claimed. Yet we dared not inquire, because of what ourinquiries might bring forth. Of course the authorities might betotally ignorant of its contents. But then, again, they might not. Itwas a risk we could not take. The chance that, by identifying ourproperty, we might be at once accusing and convicting ourselves ofsmuggling a very large quantity of tobacco, was too considerable. There were moments when Jonah and I, goaded to desperation, felt readyto risk penal servitude and 'have a dart' at the bait. But Berry wouldnot permit us. If things went wrong, he declared, he was bound to beinvolved--hideously. And he'd had enough of thin ice. The wonder was, his hair wasn't white.... By the time we had swung him round, our owncourage had evaporated. 

As for Piers, no one of us had seen or heard from him for five wholedays. Ever since his extraordinary outburst upon the verandah, the boyhad made himself scarce. While we were all perplexed, Jill took hisabsence to heart. She mourned openly. She missed her playfellowbitterly, and said as much. And when three days had gone by and thelast post had brought no word of him, she burst into tears. The nextmorning there were rings beneath her great grey eyes. She was far tooartless to pretend that she did not care. Such a course of actionnever occurred to her. She had no idea, of course, that she was inlove. 

All the same, when upon Wednesday afternoon the cars were waiting totake us to tea with Mrs. Waterbrook, my cousin leaned over thebanisters with a bright red spot upon either cheek. 

"I say, " she cried, "I'm not coming. "

One and all, we stared up amazedly. 

"Not coming?" cried Daphne. "But, darling----"

Jill stamped her small foot. 

"N-no, " she said shakily. "I'm not. And--and, if he asks after me, say I'm awfully well, but I felt I wanted a walk. I'm going to takeNobby out. "

Her skirts whirled, and she was gone. 

Adèle flew after her, while the rest of us stood whispering in thehall. Five minutes later the two descended together. But while weothers climbed into the cars, Jill twitched a lead from the rack andtook her stand upon the steps, with Nobby leaping for joy about hersides. And when she cried "Good-bye, " there was a ring in her tonewhich sounded too glad to be true. 

Mrs. Waterbrook was perfectly charming. 

As we were ushered into a really beautiful salon, she rose from alittle bureau--a tall, graceful figure, with masses of pretty grey hairand warm brown eyes. 

"My dear, " she said to Daphne, "what a beautiful creature you are!" Sheturned to Adèle. "As for you, if I were your husband, I'm afraid Ishould have a swelled head. Which is he? Ah, I see by the light inhis eyes.... Of course, I ought to have called upon you, but I'm lazyby nature, and my car won't be here till to-morrow. And now I mustthank you for being so kind to Piers. He ought to be here, of course. But where he is, I don't know. I've hardly seen him since I arrived. He seems to be crazy about his uncomfortable car. Went to Bordeaux andback yesterday--three hundred miles, if you please. I feel weak when Ithink of it. And now please tell me about yourselves. Beyond thatyou're all delightful, I've heard nothing from him. "

I would not have believed that one woman could entertain five strangerswith such outstanding success. Within five minutes Jonah and Daphnewere by her side upon the sofa, Adèle was upon the hearth at theirfeet. Berry was leaning against the mantelpiece, and I was sittingupon the arm of an adjacent chair, describing our meeting with Piers afortnight ago. 

"I don't know his age, " I concluded. "I take it he's about nineteen. But he's got the airs and graces of Peter Pan. "

"Piers, " said Mrs. Waterbrook, "is twenty-five. His mother was mysister. She married his father when she was seventeen. He was twentyyears older than she, but they were awfully happy. The blood's pureEnglish, although the title's Italian. The fief of the duchy goes withit. They were given to Piers' great-grandfather--he was adiplomat--for services rendered. A recent attempt to dispossess theboy mercifully failed. " She looked round about her. "By the way, Ithought there were six of you. Piers gave me the number, but neithergender nor anything else. "

"There's a female to come, " said Berry. "But I don't think she willto-day. She's a wayward child. We'll send her round to apologiseto-morrow. "

Here coffee and chocolate were served. 

"I must apologise, " said Mrs. Waterbrook, "for giving you no tea. Butthere you are. " She sighed. "What tea you can get in France remindsme of grocer's port. I won't touch it myself, and I haven't the faceto offer it to my guests. I usually bring some from England; but I--Ididn't this time. " She passed a hand across her eyes, as though tobrush away a memory. "After all, you needn't come again, need you?"

"But we do the same, " said Daphne. "We've given up tea. Up to lastweek, I clung to a cup before breakfast. But now I've stopped it. "

"Yes, " said Berry. "It was affecting her brain. Ten minutes aftershe'd swallowed it, she used to begin to wonder why she married me. "

"I believe you, " said Mrs. Waterbrook. "You can't drink French tea andbe resigned. Now, a cup of well-made chocolate affords relief. "

Before Berry could reply, she had pointed to an old china box and saidthat it contained cigarettes. 

If she had said that it was full of black pearls, she could not havecreated more excitement. Besides, there was a confidence in her tonethat set my nerves tingling. It was, I felt sure, no "grocer's port"that she was commending. And I--we, with the exception of Berry, hadnot smoked a good cigarette for nearly six weeks.... 

As Jonah handed the box to Daphne, I strove to look unconcerned. 

"And if anybody likes cigars, " added Mrs. Waterbrook, "there are somein that silver box by Major Pleydell. "

Berry started, said, "Oh--er--thanks very much, " and opened the box. Then he took out a cigar, idly enough. 

I became conscious that Daphne's and Adèle's eyes were upon me as Jonahbrought me the cigarettes. I took one without looking, and staredback. Instantly their eyes shifted to the cigarette in my hand. Ifollowed their gaze, to behold one of the brand which I had smokedinvariably for seven years. 

Dazedly I looked across at Berry, to see him regarding his cigar withbulging eyes.... 

As in a dream, I heard Jonah's voice. 

"You must forgive my cousins. They're not being rude. To tell you thetruth, we've recently had a bereavement. A particularly cherishedfriend, who was to furnish us all with tobacco for several months, disappeared in sickening circumstances only two days ago. The cigarand the cigarette have revived some painful memories. "

Our hostess opened and closed her mouth before replying. 

Then--

"What, " she said faintly, "what was your--er--cherished friend like?"

Berry started to his feet. 

"Both hinges gone, " he shouted, "tied up with rope--reeking ofpepper----"

Mrs. Waterbrook interrupted him with a shriek. 

"He's outside my bedroom, " she wailed. "By the side of the tall-boy. I suppose it's too much to hope that you've got my tea. "

"Tea?" we screamed. 

"Tea, " piped our hostess. "Beautiful China tea. Thirty-five pounds ofit. Under the camisoles. "

Berry raised his eyes to heaven. 

"Modesty forbade us, " he said, "to go further than the b-b-b-bustb-b-b-bodices. "

 * * * * *

It was in the midst of our rejoicing that Piers set foot on theverandah. For a moment he stood staring, pardonably bewildered, at thetwo smugglers, who were saluting one another respectively with aprofound curtsey and the most elaborate of bows. Then he pulled openthe great window and stepped hesitatingly into the room. 

As he did so, the door was flung open, and a man-servant appeared. 

"Mees Mansel, " he announced. 

Nobby entered anyhow, pleasedly lugging Jill into the room. 

"Why, Jill!" cried Daphne. "My dear.... Mrs. Waterbrook, let meintroduce----"

"_But that's not Miss Mansel!_"

It was Piers' voice. 

With one accord we turned, staring.... 

With arm outstretched, the boy was pointing at Jill. 

For a moment nobody moved. 

Then Piers sprang forward and caught Jill's hands in his. 

"Jill!" he panted. "Jill, you're not Miss Mansel?"

"Yes, I am, " said Jill steadily. 

"But I thought you were married to Boy. I thought--I thought Adèle wasMiss Mansel. "

"Oh, Piers, " said Jill reproachfully. "And she's got a wedding-ringon. "

Piers stared at Jill's hand. 

"I--I never thought of that, " he said slowly. "I am silly. " Awonderful smile came tearing to light his face. "But oh, Jill, " hefaltered, "I--am--so--awfully--glad!"

Never, I fancy, was love so simply declared. 

For a moment Jill looked at him. Then her eyes fell, and an exquisiteblush came stealing into her cheeks. 

For an instant Piers hesitated. Then he let fall her fingers andturned about, flushing furiously.... 

Before he had found his tongue, my cousin advanced to her hostess andput out her hand. 

"I'm afraid I'm awfully late, " she said quietly. 

Mrs. Waterbrook stooped and kissed her. 

"My darling, " she said softly, "it was worth waiting for. "

CHAPTER VII

HOW DAPHNE LOST HER BEDFELLOW, AND THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE PROVEDIRRESISTIBLE. 

Order, so to speak, having been restored, and the path of love madestraight beyond all manner of doubt, we decided festively to make anexcursion to Spain. The fact that Piers could speak Spanish suggestedthat all the arrangements should be left in his hands. We embraced thesuggestion cordially. Then, at the eleventh hour, a courteouslyimperative wire from his solicitors had deprived us of our courier.... 

The Duke of Padua had left Pau that evening, and all six of us had goneto the station to speed him to Paris and Rome. My cousin's farewell toher future husband had been ridiculously affecting. Polonius' adviceto his son was above rubies, but Jill's charge came pelting out of aneager heart. 

"Oh, and Piers darling, you will take care, won't you? And do wearwarm things. I'm sure it's still most awfully cold up there, and--andI don't know what men wear extra, but couldn't you put on a bodybelt?"

"Binder, dear, binder, " corrected Berry. 

"Well, binder, then. I remember Jonah saying----"

"Never, " said her brother. 

"Yes, you did. You said the great thing was to keep warm roundthe--er--round the hips. "

Berry looked round. 

"All women and children, " he said, "will leave the Court. "

"Piers, you will, won't you? For my sake. Oh, and don't forget you'vegot to get some sock-suspenders, because your left one comes down. Andbe very careful crossing the streets. Wait till there's a gap--always. And don't drink the water, will you? Don't even use it for your teeth. Daphne won't. "

"That's right, " said Berry. "Do as she does. Combine business withpleasure and clean them in a small Worthington. "

"Oh, and lock your door at night. Just in case. And, Piers darling, Ilove you very much, and--and God bless you, dear, and I shall just waitand wait for you to come back again. "

Hat in hand, Piers put her fingers to his lips. 

"Good-bye, Madonna. "

They kissed one another passionately. 

The next moment the train was moving, and the Duke swung himself on tothe step of the _wagon lit_. 

Jill began to trot by his side.... 

When she could run no faster, my cousin gave up the attempt and stoodwaving her tiny handkerchief and then staring after the train. 

As we came up, she turned to us bravely. 

"I hope, " she said shakily, "I hope he'll get on all right. He's sucha child, " she added, knitting her pretty brow. "I wish to goodness wewere married. Then I could have gone with him. " She stumbled, and Icaught her. She looked up at me with her grey eyes swimming. "I'veoften seen you off, Boy, but I wasn't silly like this. "

"It's a question of interest, darling. Piers is your very own pigeon. "

Jill wiped her eyes thoughtfully. 

"I suppose that's it, " she said slowly. "My very own.... Boy, willyou take me to a tailor's? I want to get a binder. "

Ere we sat down to dinner that night, two stout body-belts had beendispatched to Paris by registered post. 

 * * * * *

"Satisfactorily, " said Berry, restoring his napkin to his knees, "toconsume oxtail, one should be stripped to the waist. "

"That'll do, " said Daphne. 

"As a rule, " said her husband, "it will. Of course, for a reallycareless feeder, still further divestment may be desirable. Afterwardshe can be hosed. And now about Spain. Of course, without Piers totalk for us, we shall be mocked, misled, and generally stung to glory. But there you are. If you're landed with half a kingdom, I guess it'sup to you to take possession. "

"As at present arranged, " said Jonah, "we start the day afterto-morrow, spend one night at Pampeluna, two at San Sebastian, and getback on Saturday. "

"One clear day, " murmured Daphne. "I suppose that'll give us time. "

"What's there to do, " said Adèle, "besides packing?"

"Not much, " said Jonah. "The passports have been visa-ed, and that'sthe main thing. We must get some money at the bank--Spanish money, Imean--book rooms, run over the cars... I can't think of anything else. "

"We'd better take some insecticide, " said Berry. "Spain's veryconservative. "

"Nonsense, " said Daphne. 

"All right, " said her husband. "Only, on the command 'Ter-rot, ' don'twake me to inspect the bodyguard. Have we any castanets? And whatabout some sombreros? I mean, I want to do the thing properly. "

"Thanks, " said his wife. "But if you're going in fancy dress, I'drather remain at Pau. I haven't forgotten our second Sunday here. "

"I shall always maintain, " was the reply, "that I was suitably dressed. On the previous Sunday I had carefully studied the fashions upon theBoulevard, and I flatter myself that, had I been permitted to appear inpublic, my attire would have found immediate favour. "

"If, " said I, "I remember aright, it consisted of a white bowler, amorning-coat, golf-breeches, blue silk stockings and cloth-toppedboots. "

"That's right, " said Berry. "And an alpenstock. I ought really tohave had my cuffs trimmed with skunk, " he added wistfully, "but Ithought of it too late. "

"I tell you what, " said Adèle. "We must take some films. "

"That's right, " said Jill. "I promised Piers we'd send him somesnapshots. "

Jonah groaned. 

"Surely, " he said, "our passport photographs are bad enough. "

"The camera, " said Berry, "can never lie. Besides, I'm very fond ofyour passport portrait. I admit I hadn't previously noticed that yourright ear was so much the larger of the two, but the cast in your lefteye is very beautifully insisted upon. Mine, I must confess, is lesssuccessful. Had I been told that it was a study of the HonoraryTreasurer of the Splodgeworth Goose Club on bail, I should have held itan excellent likeness. Daphne's is very good. She's wearing thatparticularly sweet expression of hers. You can almost hear her saying, 'Mine's a large port. ' Apart, they're bad enough, but with both ofthem on the same document--well, why we weren't turned back at BoulogneI shall never know. Boy's, again, is lifelike. "

"Shame, " said Adèle. "He looks all bloated. "

"I know he does, sweetheart. But that's his own fault. What's put inthe mouth comes out in the flesh. The camera can never lie. And nowdon't choke. It's unmaidenly. And I cannot think of you as a matron. Let's see. Oh, yes. Films. Anything else?"

"Soap, " said Daphne. 

"Fountain-pen, " said Jill. 

"Cards, " said Adèle. 

"Tea, " said Daphne. 

"Beer-opener, " said I. 

"Plate and linen, " said Berry. "That's nine. Let's go by train. "

"Anybody, " said Jonah, "would think that we were going into the bush. If you must have a camera--well, take one. But as for soap and tea andbeer-openers and fountain-pens--oh, you make me tired. "

"And me, " said Berry unctuously. "A plain man of few words, all thisvulgar mouth-wash about creature comforts----"

It was hardly to be expected that he would get any further.... 

It was when the storm of indignation was at its height that theelectric light failed. 

Four of us breathed the same expletive simultaneously. 

Then--

"Lost, " said Berry's voice. "Two cheese-straws and a blob of Frenchmustard. Finder will be----" The crash of glass interrupted him. "Don't move, Falcon, or you'll wreck the room. Besides, it'll soon bedawn. The nights are getting shorter every day. "

"Very good, sir, " replied the butler. 

"They'll bring some candles in a minute, " said Daphne. 

"What we really want, " said my brother-in-law, "is a prismatic compass. "

"What for?" said Jill. 

"To take a bearing with. Then we should know where the port was, and Icould peel you a banana. Or would you rather suck it?"

"Brute!" said Jill, shuddering. "Oh, why is the dark so horrid?"

"The situation, " said I, "calls for philosophy. "

"True, " said Berry. "Now, similarly placed, what would Epicurus havedone?"

"I think, " said Adèle, "he'd have continued his discourse, as ifnothing had happened. "

"Good girl, " said Jonah. "Any more queries about Pampeluna?"

"Yes, " said my sister. "How exactly do we go?"

"We go, " said I, "to St. Jean-Pied-de-Port. There we get a permit totake the cars into Spain. Then we go over the mountains by Roncevaux. It's a wonderful drive, they say, but the very deuce of a climb. Pampeluna's about fifty kilometres from the top of the pass. If we getoff well, we ought to be there in time for tea. "

"Easily, " said Jonah. "It's only a hundred and twenty miles. "

I shrugged my shoulders and resumed a surreptitious search for thechocolates. 

"I expect we shall strike some snow, " I said. 

"Snow?" cried Jill. 

"Rather, " said Berry. "And avalanches. The cars will be ropedtogether. Then, if one falls, it'll take the other with it. Willsomebody pass me the grape-tongs? I've found a walnut. "

"Why on earth, " said Daphne, "don't they bring some candles? Falcon!"

"Yes, madam?"

"Try to find the door, and go and see what they're doing. "

"Very good, madam. "

With infinite care the butler emerged from the room. As the doorclosed--

"And now, " said Adèle, "I can't bear it any longer. Where _are_ thechocolates?"

"My dear, " said my sister, "I've been feeling for the wretched thingsever since the light went out. Hasn't anybody got a match?"

Nobody had a match. 

At length----

"They can't have been put on the table, " said Jill. "I've----"

"Here they are, " said Berry. 

"Where?"

"Here. Give me your pretty white hand. "

"This isn't them, " said Jill. "They're in---- Oh, you brute! You'vedone it on purpose. "

"I'm awfully sorry, " said Berry. "I quite thought----"

"You liar!" said Jill heatedly. "You did it on purpose. You know youdid. Daphne, he's gone and put my hand in the ginger. "

"It'll wear off, dear, " said Berry. "It'll wear off. By the timePiers is back, you'll hardly know.... "

The apologetic entry of Falcon with two inches of candle upon a platecut short the prophecy. 

As he solemnly set the brand in the centre of the table, the lightreturned with a flash.... 

It was when the butler had placed the wine before Berry and was aboutto withdraw, that Daphne asked for the chocolates. 

Falcon peered at the table. 

"They were there, madam, " he said. 

Berry looked round uneasily. 

"I think, perhaps, " he began stooping to feel under his chair, "Ithink--I mean, fearing lest in the confusion.... "

He broke off, to stare at a small silver bowl which was as bare as hishand. 

Daphne took a deep breath. 

"And that was full, " she said witheringly. "And you sat there and letus feel all over the table, and pretended you were looking, and putJill's hand in the ginger, and all the time----"

"I never ate one, " said Berry. "I never.... " He stopped short andlooked round the room. "Nobby!"

The Sealyham emerged from beneath the table, wide-eyed, expectant. 

Sternly my brother-in-law held out the bowl. 

Never was guilt more plainly betrayed. 

The pricked ears fell flat: the bright brown eyes sank to the floor:the pert white tail was lowered incontinently. Nobby had hauled downhis flag. 

"Oh, Nobby!"

The terrier squirmed, laid his head upon the ground, and then rolledover upon his back.... 

"You can't blame the dog, " said I. "Besides, he'll pay for it. Quarter of a pound of chocolates'll fairly----"

"I've just remembered, " said Daphne, "that they weren't chocolates atall. They were _marrons glacés_--the last of the bunch. They won'tmake any more this year. "

Berry wiped his forehead, "Are you saying this, " he demanded, "to torment me? Or is it true?"

"It's a C. B. Fact. "

"But what about tea?" screamed her husband. "Tea without a _marronglacé_ will be like--like Hell without the Prince of Darkness. "

"I can't help it. France has a close season for them. "

Berry hid his face in his hands. 

"Under my chair!" he wailed. "The last of the bunch (sic). And Inever ate one!"

"Come, come, " said I. "Similarly placed, what would Epicurus havedone?"

"I know, " said Adèle. 

"What?" said Berry. 

My wife smiled. 

"He'd 've made tracks for Spain, " she said. 

 * * * * *

The French sergeant saluted, Daphne nodded, Berry said, "Down witheverything, " I touched my hat, and we rolled slowly over the littlebridge out of one country into another. 

Our reception was very serious. 

So far as our papers were concerned, the Spanish N. C. O. Knew his joband did it with a soldierly, if somewhat trying, precision. Pong wasdiligently compared with the tale of his _triptyque_. Our faces wererespectively compared with the unflattering vignettes pasted upon ourpassports. The visas were deliberately inspected. Our certificateswere unfolded and scrutinised. Our travelling pass was digested. Toour great relief, however, he let the luggage go. We had nocontraband, but we were two hours late, and to displace and replacesecurely a trunk and a dressing-case upon the back of a coupé takesseveral minutes and necessitates considerable exertion of a veryunpleasant kind. Finally, having purchased a local permit for fivepesetas, we were suffered to proceed. 

We were now at the mouth of a gorge and the pass was before us. Hadthe gorge been a rift in the range, a road had been cut by the side ofthe torrent, and our way, if tortuous, had been as flat as your hand. But the gorge was a _cul de sac_--a beautiful blind alley, withmountains' flanks for walls. So the road had been made to scale oneside of the alley--to make its winding way as best it could, turningand twisting and doubling upon itself, up to a windy saddle which wecould hardly see. 

I gave the car its head, and we went at a wicked hill as a bull at agate. 

Almost immediately the scenery became superb. 

With every yard the walls of the gorge were drawing further apart, slowly revealing themselves in all their glory. Forests andwaterfalls, precipices and greenswards, grey lichened crags andsun-bathed terraces, up, above all, an exquisite vesture of snow, flawless and dazzling--these stood for beauty. All the wonder ofheight, the towering proportions of the place, the bewildering pitch ofthe sky--these stood for grandeur. An infinite serenity, animperturbable peace, a silence which the faint gush of springs servedto enrich--these stood for majesty. Nature has throne-rooms about theworld, and this was one of them. 

I started the engine again--for we had instinctively stopped--and Pongthrust on. 

Up, up, up we toiled, through the hanging village of Valcarlos, past along string of jingling mules, under stupendous porches of the livingrock, round hair-pin bends, by woods and coppices, over greybridges--wet and shining and all stuck with ferns--now looking forwardto the snow-bound ridge, now facing back to find the frontier villageshrunk to a white huddle of dots, the torrent to a winking thread ofsilver, and our late road to a slender straggling ribbon, absurdlyforeign, ridiculously remote. 

On we stormed, higher and higher, past boulders and poor trees wrungwith the wind, and presently up and into and over the snow, whileslowly, foot by foot, depth dragged height down to nothing. 

For the third time it occurred to me that the engine was unwarrantablyhot, and, after a moment's consideration, I took out the clutch andbrought the car to a standstill. 

"What is it?" said Daphne. 

"She's hot, " said I. "Hotter than she should be. At least, I thinkso. Of course it's a deuce of a pull. " And, with that, I opened thedoor. 

"You're not going to get out in this snow?"

"Only a second, dear. "

Upon observing that the fan-belt was broken, it was natural that Ishould regret very much that I had not looked for the trouble whenfirst I suspected its presence. Had I done so, I should have sparedthe engine, I should have been able to correct the disorder withoutburning myself to hell, and I should not have been standing, while Iworked, in four inches of snow. 

Gloomily I made my report. 

"I'm sorry, " I concluded, "but I shall have to have Berry. I've got anew strap in the boot, but I can't shift the luggage alone. "

Berry closed his eyes and sank his chin upon his breast. 

"Go on, old chap, " said Daphne. "I'm very sorry for you, but----"

"I--I don't feel well, " said Berry. "Besides, I haven't got mygum-boots. "

"Will you get out?" said his wife. 

At last, between us, we got him as far as the running board. 

"Come on, " I said impatiently. 

"Don't rush me, " said Berry, staring at the snow as if it were moltenlead. "Don't rush me. How fresh and beautiful it looks, does not it?"He took a deep breath and let himself down upon his toes. "A-A-ah! Ifyou can do sixty kilometres with a pound of snow in each shoe, how manymiles is that to the gallon?"

The belt was at the very back of beyond, but I found it at last. As wereplaced the luggage--

"And while, " I said, "I'm fixing the strap, you might fill up theradiator. "

"What with?" said Berry. 

"Snow, of course. Just pick it up and shove it in. "

"'Just pick it up and sho----' Oh, give me strength, " said Berrybrokenly. Then he raised his voice. "Daphne!"

"What's the matter?"

"I've got to pick up some snow now. "

"Well, rub your hands with it, dear--well. Then they won't getfrost-bitten. "

"You--er--you don't mind my picking it up, then? I mean, my left footis already gangrenous. "

"Well, rub that, too, " called Daphne. 

"Thanks, " said Berry grimly. "I think I'd rather wait for the dogs. Iexpect there are some at Roncevaux. In the pictures they used to havea barrel of whisky round their necks. The great thing was to be foundby about five dogs. Then you got five barrels. By the time the monksarrived, you were quite sorry to see them. "

"Will you go and fill up the radiator?" said I, unlocking thetool-box.... 

The fitting of the new belt was a blasphemous business. My fingerswere cold and clumsy, and everything I touched was red-hot. However, at last it was done. 

As I was looking over the engine--

"We'd better pull up a bit, " said Berry. "I've used all the snow roundhere. Just a few feet, you know. That drift over there'll last me along time. "

"What d'you mean?" said I. "Isn't it full yet?"

"Well, I thought it was just now, but it seems to go down. I've put inabout a hundredweight to date. "

An investigation of the phenomenon revealed the unpleasant truth thatthe radiator was leaking. 

I explained this to Berry. 

"I see, " he said gravely. "I understand. In other words, for the lasttwenty minutes I have been at some pains to be introducing water intoan inconveniently shaped sieve?"

"That, " said I, "is the idea. "

"And, for all the good I've been doing, I might have been trying to eata lamb cutlet through a couple of straws?"

"Oh, no. You've cooled her down. In fact... "

It took five minutes and all the cajolery at my command to induce mybrother-in-law to continue his Danaidean task, until I had started theengine and we were ready to move. 

Then he whipped its cap on to the radiator and clambered into the car. 

I was extremely uneasy, and said as much. 

It was now a quarter to five. Pampeluna was some thirty miles away, and Heaven only knew what sort of country lay before us. We werenearly at the top of the pass, and, presumably, once we were over weshould strike a lot of "down hill. " But if the leak became worse, andthere was much more collarwork.... 

Desperately I put Pong along. 

The snow was deeper now and was affecting the steering. The wheels, too, were slipping constantly. I had to go very gingerly. Two deepfurrows ahead told of Ping's passage. I began to wonder how Adèle, Jill, and Jonah were getting on.... 

It was when the snow was perhaps a foot deep that we snarled past aruined cabin and, stumbling over the very top of the world, began todescend. 

Ten minutes later we came to Roncevaux. Where Abbey began or villageended, it was impossible to say, and there was no one to be seen. Theplace looked like a toy some baby giant had carried into the mountains, played with awhile, and then forgotten. 

Here was the last of the snow, so I crammed some more into theradiator, tried very hard to think I could see the water, and hoped forthe best. While I was doing this, Berry had closed the car--a wisemeasure, for, though we should lose a lot of scenery, the sun wassinking and Evening was laying her fingers upon the fine fresh air. 

Navarre seemed very handsome. It was, indeed, all mountains--bleaker, less intimate than France, but very, very grand. And the road wassplendidly laid: its long clean sweeps, its graceful curves, the way inwhich its line befitted the bold landscape, yet was presenting a styleof its own, argued a certain poetry in the hearts of its engineers. 

We swept through a village that might have been plucked out ofMacedonia, so rude and stricken it looked. There was no glass in thewindows: filth littered the naked street: pigs and poultry rushed forthe crazy doorways at our approach. 

Pampeluna being the nearest town, I realised with a shock what sort ofa night we should spend if we failed to get there. 

I began to hope very hard that there were no more hills. Presently theroad forked and we switched to the right. Maps and Guide declared thatthis was the better way. 

"What's _carretera accidentada_ mean?" said my sister, looking up fromthe Michelin Guide. 

"I think _carretera_ means 'road, '" said I. "As for_accidentada_--well, it's got an ugly sound. "

"Well, do look out, " said Daphne. "We shall be there any minute. Thismust be Espinal, and that's where it begins. "

Berry cleared his throat. 

"The art of life, " he announced, "is to be prepared. Should the caroverturn and it become necessary to ply me with cordial, just part mylips and continue to pour until I say 'When. ' Should---- What are youstopping for?"

"Very slightly to our rear, " said I, "upon the right-hand side of theroad stands a water-trough. You may have noticed it. "

"I did, " said Berry. "A particularly beautiful specimen of thepalaeolithic epoch. Shall we go on now?"

"Supposing, " said I relentlessly, "you plied the radiator. Just takethe cap off and continue to pour till I say 'When. '"

"I should be charmed, " was the reply. "Unfortunately I have no vesselwherewith to----"

"Here you are, " said Daphne, thrusting a hotwater bottle into his hand. "What a mercy I forgot to pack it!"

As I lighted a cigarette--

"It is indeed, " said I, "a godsend. "

With an awful look, Berry received the godsend and emerged from the car. 

After perhaps two minutes he reappeared. 

"No good, " he said shortly. "The water's too hard or something. Thebrute won't look at it. "

"Nonsense, " said Daphne. 

"All right, " said her husband. "You go and tempt it. I'm through, Iam. "

"Squeeze the air out of it and hold it under the spout. "

"But I tell you----"

I took out my watch. 

"In another half-hour, " I said, "it'll be dark, and we've still fortykilometres----"

Heavily Berry disappeared. 

When I next saw him he was filling the radiator from his hat.... 

After six journeys he screwed on the cap and made a rush for the car. 

"But where's my bottle?" screamed Daphne. 

"I rejoice to say, " replied Berry, slamming the door, "that full fathomfive the beggar lies. "

"You've never dropped----"

"If it's any consolation, " said Berry, as I let in the clutch, "heperished in fair fight. The swine put about a bucket up each of mysleeves first, and then spat all over my head. Yes, it is funny, isn'tit? Never mind. Game to the last, he went down regurgitating like acouple of bath-rooms. And now I really am flea-bitten. I can't feelanything except my trunk. "

It was as well that we had taken in water, for very soon, to my dismay, we began to climb steadily... 

Once again we watered--Heaven knows how high up--at a hovel, half barn, half cottage, where a sturdy mother came lugging a great caldron beforewe had named our need. In all conscience, this was obvious enough. The smell of fiery metal was frightening me to death. 

Mercifully, that terrible ascent was the last. 

As the day was dying, we dropped down a long, long hill, round two orthree death-trap bends, and so, by gentle stages, on to a windyplain.... 

It was half-past six when we ran into Pampeluna. 

After paying an entrance fee, we proceeded to the Grand Hotel. It wasintensely cold, and a wind cut like a knife. The streets were crowded, and we moved slowly, with the result that the eight urchins who decidedto mount the running-boards did so without difficulty. The four uponmy side watched Berry evict their fellows with all the gratification ofthe immune. 

"Little brutes, " said Daphne. "Round to the left, Boy. That's right. Straight on. Look at that one. He's holding on by the lamp. Boy, can't you---- Now to the right.... Here we are. "

"Where?" said I, slowing up. 

"Here. On the right. That must be it, with the big doors. "

As I climbed out of the car, seven more boys alighted from the dickey, the wings, the luggage, and the spare wheels. 

A second later I found myself in a bank. 

The edifice appeared to be deserted, but after a moment or two anindividual came shuffling out of the shadows. My inability to speak aword of Spanish and his inability to speak a word of anything elsedisfavoured an intelligent conversation, but at last I elicited firstthat the Grand Hotel was next door, and secondly that it would not beopen until July. 

I imparted this pleasing information to the others. 

"Closed?" said Berry. "Well, that is nice. Yes. He's quite right. Here it is in the Guide. 'Open from July to October. ' I suppose asuperman might have put it more plainly, but it's a pretty broad hint. And now what shall we do? Three months is rather long to wait, especially as we haven't had any tea. Shall we force an entry? Or goon to Madrid?"

"Fool, " said Daphne. "Get in, Boy. I'm getting hungry. "

I got in and started the engine. 

Then I got out again with a stick. 

This the seven boys, who had remounted, were not expecting. 

I got in again, feeling better.... 

The second hotel we visited was admirably concealed. 

As we were passing it for the second time, Jonah came stepping acrossthe pavement. 

"Lucky for you we got in early, " he said. "We've got the last tworooms. They're on the fourth floor, they're miles apart, they're eachabout the size of a minute, and I don't think the beds are aired. Thelift's out of order, there's no steam heat, and there are nofire-places. Both the bath-rooms have been let as bedrooms, and thegarage is conveniently situated about a mile and a half away. Theporter's cut his hand, so you'll have to carry up your luggage and helpme with ours. Nobody speaks anything but Spanish, but that doesn'tmatter as much as it might, because the waiters have struck. And nowlook sharp, or we shan't get any dinner. "

 * * * * *

_Bearer will bring you to where we are. Don't talk. Don't doanything. Just get into the car. _

_JONAH. _

I stared at the words stupidly. 

Then I looked at the chauffeur standing, hat in hand, and stepped intothe depths of a luxurious limousine. 

A moment later we were whipping over the cobbles. 

It was nearly half-past seven, and I had just walked back from thegarage where I had deposited Pong. Whether my instructions that theradiator was to be mended and the car to be washed had been understoodand would be executed, I was almost too tired to care. I was alsoabominably cold. The prospect of an evening and night attended withevery circumstance of discomfort was most depressing. For the fiftiethtime I was wishing that we had never come. 

And then at the door of the hotel I had been handed the message.... 

There was a foot-warmer in the limousine and a voluminous fur-rug. Isettled myself contentedly. What it all meant, I had not the faintestidea. Enough that I was comfortable and was beginning to grow warm. My faith, moreover, in Jonah was profound. 

The car drew up with a rush before a mansion. 

As I stepped out, the chauffeur removed his hat, and the front door wasopened. 

I passed up the steps into the grateful shelter of a tremendous hall. 

At once my coat and hat were taken from me and I was reverently invitedto ascend the huge staircase. I did so in silence. At the top of theflight a waiting-woman received me and led the way. 

Everywhere luxury was in evidence. There were plenty of lights, butthey were all heavily shaded. So thick were the carpets that I couldhardly hear my own footfalls. The atmosphere was pleasantly warm andfull of the sweet scent of burning wood. What furniture I saw was veryhandsome. Three exquisite stalls, filched from some old cathedral, stood for a settle. A magnificent bronze loomed in a recess. At thehead of the stairs was glowing a great Canaletto. 

I followed my guide wonderingly.... 

A moment later she stopped to knock upon a door. 

"Who is it?" cried Adèle. 

I raised my voice, and she called to me to enter. 

I opened the door into the finest bedroom that I have ever seen. 

Upon the walls were panels of yellow silk, and all the silks and stuffswere grey or golden. A soft grey carpet, a deep sofa, a giantfour-poster, a mighty press, a pier-glass, chairs, mirrors, table-lamps--all were in beautiful taste. An open door in one corner, admitting the flash of tiles, promised a bath-room. On the bed mydress-clothes, which I had packed for San Sebastian, lay orderly. Andthere, upon a chair, in front of a blazing fire, sat Adèle, lightlyclothed, looking extraordinarily girlish, and cheerfully inveigling astocking on to a small white foot. 

I looked round dazedly. 

"Isn't it priceless?" said Adèle. "Isn't it all priceless?" Shedanced across the room and flung her arms round my neck. "And Ithought you were never coming. I wanted to wait for you, lad, but theywouldn't let me. But I've run a bath for you and put out all yourclothes. By the way, I can't find your links anywhere. Are yousure----"

"No, " I said, "I'm not. I'm not sure of anything. I'm not sure I'mawake. I'm not sure I'm alive. I'm not sure I'm not mad. 'Sure'? Idon't know the meaning of the word. What are you doing here? What amI doing here? Where are we? What's it all mean?"

"My darling, " said Adèle, "I've not the faintest idea. "

"But----"

"Listen. You hadn't been gone five minutes before a man came into thehotel and up to Jonah. He seemed very nervous and excited, but he wasvery polite. He couldn't speak a word of anything but Spanish, but atlast we gathered that he was asking us if we were the people who hadwired to the Grand Hotel. When we said that we were, he talked fasterthan ever, and at last we began to understand that he'd got some roomsfor us elsewhere. You can imagine our joy. Once we understood, hedidn't have to ask us whether we'd come. The next minute twochauffeurs were slinging the baggage on to a couple of cars, and, afterwe'd managed to explain that you were coming back, Berry paid some sortof a bill and we all pushed off. When we saw this wonderful house, wenearly fainted. As far as I can see, we've got it all to ourselves. Berry and Daphne are in another room like this, about two doors away, and Jill's between us. I don't know where Jonah is. I can onlyimagine that the man who came is the manager of the Grand Hotel, andthat this is where they put people when their own place is closed. "

Unsatisfactory as it was, this seemed, roughly, the only possibleexplanation. Indeed, but for the magnificence of our lodging, it wouldhave been reasonable enough. Still, we knew nothing of Spain. Perhapsthis was their idea of hospitality. I began to like Pampeluna verymuch.... 

By the time I had had a hot bath I had begun to wonder whether it wasworth while going on to San Sebastian. 

 * * * * *

We had dined in state. We had eaten an eight-course dinner, superblycooked and admirably served. At the conclusion of our meal, foldingdoors had been opened, and we had passed into the shadowed comfort of agorgeous library, where only the ceaseless flicker of a great log firehad lighted us to deep-cushioned chairs and a rich sofa, where coffeeand liqueurs were set upon a low table and the broad flash of silvershowed a massive cigar-box reposing conveniently upon an ebony stool. 

With one consent, sitting at the feet of Epicurus, we had thrustuncertainty aside, and, thanking Heaven that we had fallen so magicallyupon our own, confined our conversation to the events of our journey, and compared enthusiastic notes regarding the wonders, entertainments, and perils of our drive. 

From behind a big cigar Berry was slowly enumerating the accessorieswithout which, to make life worth living, no car should ever take theroad, when the door opened and a servant, bearing a salver, entered theroom. 

Stopping for an instant to switch on the light, the man stepped to mybrother-in-law. 

For a moment Berry glanced at the card. Then--

"English, " he said. "'Mr. Hubert Weston Hallilay, 44 Calle de Serrano, Madrid. ' Better have him in, hadn't we?" He turned to the servant andnodded. "Ask him to come in, " he said. 

The servant bowed and withdrew. 

A moment later a fair-haired boy, perhaps twenty-three years old, wasushered into the room. 

He greeted us respectfully, but with an open-hearted delight which hemade no attempt to conceal. 

"How d'you do? I'm most awfully glad to see you. Officially, I'm hereby request. The comic mayor got hold of me. He's worried to deathbecause he can't converse with you. I don't suppose you mind, but it'sshortening his life. I've had a fearful time with him. There areabout a thousand things he wants to know, and he's commissioned me tofind them out without asking any questions. That, he says, would bemost rude. Unofficially, I'm--well, I'm at your service. If I'd knownyou were coming, I'd have been here before. I'm attached to Madrid, really, but I'm putting in six weeks here--for my sins. "

"You're very kind, " said Berry. "Incidentally, you're a godsend--thesecond we've had to-day. The first, I may say, lies in five feet ofwater on a particularly blasted mountain-side. But don't bedisconcerted. We shouldn't think of drowning you. For one thing, you're much too valuable. And now sit down, and have some cold coffeeand a glass of kummel. "

As he sank into a seat--

"Mr. Hallilay, " said Daphne, twittering, "I can't bear it. _Why are wehere?_"

The boy looked at her curiously. Then--

"Well, " he said, "there was no other place. Even if the Grand had beenopen, I gather it's hardly fit.... Of course there's been the mostawful mix-up. Trust Spain for that. The Post Office knew theycouldn't deliver the wire. Instead of telling somebody, orcommunicating with Pau, they let it lie in the office till thisafternoon. Then they took it to the mayor. Of course he nearly died. But, being a man of action, he got a move on. He flew round here andlaid the facts before the steward--the owner happens to be away--andarranged to put this house at your disposal. Then he rushed round, borrowed a couple of cars, and spent what time he had left splittinghis brain over your wire and hovering between the station and thevarious approaches to Pampeluna. As an inevitable result, he missedyou, and when he finally had the brain-wave of inquiring at the Grandand found you'd already arrived, he nearly shot himself. "

"But why--I mean, " I stammered, "it's devilish good of the mayor andyou and everyone, but why--in the first place, why did the Post Officetake the wire to the mayor?"

Hallilay raised his eyebrows. 

"Well, " he said slowly, "when they saw the telegram, they realised----"

"Who sent the wire?" said Berry. 

"I did, " said Jonah. "I said, _Retenez lundi soir, deux grandes deux petites chambres avec salle debain en suite, arrive en auto. _

_MANSEL. "_

For a moment I thought the boy was going to faint. Then he covered hisface and began to shake with laughter.... 

Presently he plucked a form from his pocket, unfolded it, and handed itto me. 

"That may have been what you sent, " he said jerkily, "but here's howthe wire arrived. "

_Retenez lundi soir, deux grandes deux petites chambres avec salle debain, suite arrive en auto. _

_MANOEL. _

After I had read it aloud there was a long, long silence. 

At length--

"I see, " said Berry. "I knew our journey would be eventful, because mywife put her teeth in upside down this morning, but I little dreamed itwas to be a royal progress. However, I take it one of the things themayor would like to know is--er--what has become of--of----"

Hallilay nodded tearfully. 

"That, sir, " he said, "is the first and foremost question upon anunanswerable list. "

 * * * * *

We left Pampeluna upon the following afternoon, in response to a wirefrom San Sebastian peremptorily desiring us immediately to repair tothat resort. 

Hallilay, as good as his word, was of inestimable service. He had, indeed, dealt with the delicate situation with admirable judgment. Finally he covered our retreat in a masterly manner. 

From the first he had insisted that the _rôle_ we had unconsciouslyassumed must be deliberately maintained. Our scruples he had brushedto one side. 

"Whatever happens, Pampeluna must never know the truth. It'd be mostunpleasant for you--obviously. For the mayor--well, Spaniards are veryproud, and I think it'd kill him. Very well, then. Your course, plainly, is the line of least resistance. O friends, Romans, countrymen, it's--it's too easy. " He broke off and glanced meaninglyabout him. "I'm not much of a diplomat, but--well, the best is goodenough for me. "

Talk about Epicurus.... 

CHAPTER VIII

HOW ADÈLE BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF PERFUME WHICH HAD NO SMELL, AND I CUTEULALIE DEAD

"I must have a paper, " said Berry. "I haven't read the news forfifty-five hours, and--and anything may have happened. Supposing therouble and the shilling have changed over. The tie I'm wearing 'ld beworth about six hundred pounds. "

I set down my cup and picked up the receiver. 

"So you're really off to-morrow, are you?" said an attractive voice. _Well, don't miss Fuenterrabia. It's only five miles out of your way, and it's worth seeing. They sell most lovely scent in the Calle delPuerto. Ask for their 'Red Violets. '_

With a chunk I was disconnected, and a second later a bureau clerk hadpromised to procure an English paper and send it up to my room. 

Less than an hour ago we had arrived at San Sebastian--according toplan. A very handsome run had ended becomingly enough in the drive ofa palatial hotel, and, though it was growing dusk as we had slippedinto the town, we had seen quite enough of our surroundings toappreciate that, where Nature had succeeded so admirably, man had by nomeans failed. 

And now we were taking tea in my sister's bedroom and discussing whatBerry called "the order of going in. "

"We'd better decide right away, " said my brother-in-law, "to stay herea week. It's perfectly obvious that two nights are going to be noearthly. "

"All you're thinking of, " said Daphne, "is the Casino. I knew it wouldbe like this. "

"All right, " replied her husband; "look at the guide-book. We haven'tseen this place yet, and there are twelve excursions--all highlyrecommended. We can cut out Tolosa, because I see we did that thisafternoon. That was where the child lobbed the jam-tin into the car. I fancy I passed the cathedral when I was chasing him. Any way, Ishall say so. "

"I am told, " said I, "that Fuenterrabia's worth seeing. "

"It's the show place about here, " said Jonah. "Old as the hills. That'll take a morning alone. "

I yawned. 

"There's a shop there, " I said, "in the Calle del Puerto, where theysell some wonderful scent. I believe it's all good, but their 'RedViolets' is simply ravishing. "

The girls pricked up their ears. 

"Who told you all this?" said Adèle. 

"I can't imagine, " said I truthfully. "But she had a nice voice. Youknow--one of those soft mellifluous ones, suggesting that she's boredto distraction with everything except you. " I took out a cigarette andlooked about me. "Anyone got a match?" I added. 

"Blow the matches, " said my sister. "When did all this happen?"

"This afternoon, " said I. "I'd always heard that San Sebastian----"

"Is she staying here?" said Adèle. 

"In the hotel? She didn't say. "

"But how did you come to speak to her?" demanded my wife. 

"I didn't, " I said. "She spoke to me. I tell you I've always heardthat San----"

"And you communed with her?" said Berry. "With your lawful wifeworking herself to death on the first floor unpacking your sponge-bag, you exchanged secrets of the toilet with a honey-toned vamp? Oh, youvicious libertine.... Will she be at the Casino to-night?"

"I didn't ask her. "

Berry raised his eyes to heaven. 

"You don't know her name; you never asked where she's staying, andyou've fixed nothing up. " He sighed heavily. "Some people don'tdeserve to get on. "

"I hadn't time, " I pleaded. "We got on to scent almost at once. "

"Why scent?" said Jonah. "Or is that an indiscreet question?"

"Oh, that's easy, " said Berry. "The scent was on the handkerchief hepicked up. It's been done before. "

"I don't understand, " said Jill. 

"I'm glad you don't, darling. One expert in the family is bad enough. "He nodded at me. "I used to think I was useful, till I'd seen thatMormon at work. Talk about getting off.... Why, he'd click at ajumble sale. "

"Would he really?" said Adèle interestedly. "I'd no idea he was soenterprising. "

Berry shrugged his shoulders. 

"My dear, " he said, "he's a blinkin' marvel. Where you and I 'ld bestanding outside a stage-door with a nervous grin and a bag of jujubes, he'd walk straight up TO a Marchioness, say, 'I feel I must tell youthat you've got a mouth in a million, ' and--_get away with it_. Butthere you are. In the present case----"

"--for once in a way, " said Adèle, "the lady seems to have made therunning. " She turned to me with a smile. "Well, Juan me lad, tell ussome more about her. Was she fair or dark?"

I nodded at Berry. 

"Better ask him, " I said. "He knows more about it than I do. "

"She was dark, " said Berry unhesitatingly. "A tall willowy wench, withContinental eyes and an everlasting pout. Am I right, sir?"

"You may be, " said I. "Not having seen the damsel.... "

There was an outburst of incredulous objection. 

"Sorry, " I added, "but the liaison was conducted upon the telephone. Just now. When I ordered the paper. The lady had no idea she wasgiving me counsel. So, you see, we're both blameless. And now may Ihave a match?"

"Well, I am disappointed, " announced Adèle. "I quite thought we wereoff. "

"So did I, " said Daphne. "And you never even---- Oh, it's spoiled mytea. "

Even Jill protested that I had "led them on. "

In some dudgeon, I began to wonder if I should ever understand women. 

 * * * * *

An hour and a half had slipped by. 

Ready for dinner with twenty minutes to spare, I had descended to thelounge. There a large writing-table had suggested the propriety ofsending a postcard to the sweetest of aunts, who, in the absence ofevidence to the contrary, invariably presumed our death after fourteendays. 

There being no postcards available, I started a letter.... 

For a page and a half my pen ran easily enough, and then, for no reasonwhatever, my epistolary sense faltered, laboured, and ceased tofunction. 

I re-read what I had written, touched up the punctuation, and fingeredmy chin. I reviewed the past, I contemplated the future, I regarded myfinger-nails--all to no effect. There was simply nothing to say. Finally I rose and went in search of a waiter. There was, I felt, achance that a Martini might stimulate my brain.... 

I returned to my seat to find that, while I had been gone, a heiferfrom another herd had come to drink at the pool. 

Immediately upon the opposite side of the writing-table sat one of theprettiest women that I have ever seen. Her colouring was superb. Beneath a snow-white skin all the wild beauty of a mountain-rose glowedin her cheeks; each time she moved, a flashing mystery of red andgolden lights blazed from the auburn crown piled on her head; starsdanced an invitation in the great grey eyes. Her small straight nose, the exquisite line of her face, her fairy mouth alone would haveredeemed the meanest countenance. A plain black velvet dress, cutrather high at the throat, but leaving her lovely arms bare from theshoulder, and a complete absence of jewellery, showed that my lady knewhow pictures should be framed.... 

With an effort I bent to my letter. From being difficult, however, thecomposition of another two pages of coherent prose had becomeformidable. Turning to the past, I could remember nothing. Lookinginto the future, I found myself blind. As for the present, I feltinstinctively that a description of the curve of my _vis-à-vis'_ mouthwould be out of place and might be misunderstood. 

I observed suddenly that my lady had stopped writing. 

After a moment she read over what she had written and put in twocommas. Then she put a dash at the end of her last sentence. Such anaddition had not occurred to me. For what it was worth, I adopted itsurreptitiously. When I looked up, the tips of four pointed fingerswere being regarded with some severity. Finally the girl laid down herpen, and, propping her chin on two ridiculous fists, stared dismallyupon the neutral zone between our respective blotting pads. 

"Have you dealt with the weather?" said I. 

The stars, which had stopped dancing, leaped again into life. 

"Fully, " she said. 

"And the place?"

She nodded. 

"And the people staying in the hotel?"

"I've just said they're all very dull. "

I wrote rapidly. Then--

"'The people here, '" I read, "'are nearly all very dull. '"

For a moment she looked at me. Then she picked up her pen. 

"How, " she demanded, with a dazzling smile, "do you spell 'nearly'?"

"Only one 'r', " I replied. "Same as 'adorable. '"

'Nearly' went down--rather shakily. 

I pulled up my cuffs. 

"'Spanish furniture, '" I said, following my pen, "'is like theSpanish--on the large side. Everything is too big. '"

"'--too big, '" said my lady, with her head on one side. "You see, myconfidence in you is supreme. "

"One moment, " said I. "There's only one 'w' in 'sweet, ' isn't there?"

"Yes, " she said, bubbling. "Same as 'awful. '"

I cleared my throat. 

"'The table, for instance, '" I continued, "'at which we--I am writing, is simply huge. If it were only half as wide, it would be muchmore--er--convenient. '"

The two white shoulders began to shake with laughter. 

I thought very swiftly. Then--

"New paragraph, " I said. 

"Half a page more, " breathed my companion. 

I frowned. 

"'They have, '" I announced, "'quite a good Casino here. '"

Our two pens recorded the statement. 

"'The great thing to do is to go there after dinner. '"

The custom was reported in duplicate. 

"'But I'm not going to-night, '" said the girl, "'because----'"

"But----"

"'--I've got to do my packing. '"

I groaned. Then--

"'But I shan't go to-night, '" I declared, "'because I'm going to help afriend pack. '" I looked up cheerfully. "Yes?"

"'I shall look forward, " she said, smiling, "'to seeing you again--sometime. '"

"'Soon. '"

The pretty head went to one side. 

"'With my love, '" she said quietly. 

"'Your devoted servant, '" said I. 

For a second my lady hesitated. Then she signed a name, crammed herletter into an envelope, and rose to her feet. 

The stars in the wonderful eyes had become misty, and there was astrange wistful curve to the exquisite lips. 

For an instant we looked at one another. Then--

"Just 'Eulalie, '" she said. 

The next moment she was gone. 

I turned to see Daphne, Adèle, and Berry a dozen paces away.... 

I advanced with what composure I could summon. 

"I have been endeavouring, " I said, "to atone for this afternoon. "

There was a frosty silence. Then--

"So I see, " said my sister icily. 

Berry passed a hand across his eyes. 

"Ugh!" he said shuddering. "I've gone all goosegogs--I mean, gooseflesh. Will she be at the Casino to-night?"

My wife set a hand upon my arm. 

"I must admit, " she said, smiling, "that she had a mouth in a million. "

 * * * * *

By half-past ten the next morning we were again upon the road. 

The almanack swore it was March, but here was a summer's day. Not acloud was floating in the great blue sky: down to the tenderest breeze, the winds were sleeping: the sun was in all his glory. For earthherself, the stains of winter were being done away. Out of thecountry's coat the greys and browns, lately so prominent, were fadingnotably. As thick as fast, the green was coming in. As we rounded abend and sailed down a long sweet hill towards the frontier, the roadwas all dappled with the shadows of youngster leaves. 

Our way seemed popular. Car after car swept by, waggons and lorrieswent rumbling about their business, now and again two of the GuardiaCivil--well-horsed, conspicuously armed and point-device in theiraccoutrements--sat stiff, silent, and vigilant in the mouth of an oddby-road. 

Come to the skirts of Irun, we switched to the left, and five minuteslater we were at Fuenterrabia. 

A city with a main street some four yards wide, keeping a king'spalace, if hatchments be evidence, remembering more dukes thanshopkeepers, its house-walls upholding a haphazard host of balconiesand overhung with monstrous eaves--a pocket stronghold, set on the lipof Spain, staring at sea and land, each sunlit rood of which is fatwith History--a lovely star upon the breast of Fame, chosen by Englishpoets to enrich their songs, Fuenterrabia is among the crown jewels ofEurope. 

We thrust up the Calle Mayor and into the Plaza de Armas. There we putthe cars in the shade and alighted eagerly to view the town at closequarters. 

"Look at that little boy, " cried Jill, "eating an apple. Where's thecamera? Get him to stand in the sun, Boy, against that old wall. "

"That's right, " said Berry. "And there's a dog scratching himself. Ask him to devil his tenants beside the Post Office. If we get a goodpicture, we can call it _Local Affection, or The Old, Old Story_ andsend it to _The Field_. "

To humour my cousin's whim, I approached a dirty-looking child.... 

Despite my assurances of good-will, however, the urchin retired as Iadvanced, all the time consuming his apple with a nervous energy, whichsuggested at once a conviction that I had my eye upon his fruit and adetermination to confound my strategy. The apple was dwindling fast, and, redoubling my protests, I quickened my pace. For a second the boyhesitated. Then he took two last devastating bites, flung the core inmy face, and took to his heels. 

Pursuit being out of the question, I returned furiously to the others, to find them, as was to be expected, quite weak with laughter. 

"It w-was good of you, Boy, " declared Jill, tearfully. "And I got sucha precious picture--just as he threw it. "

"I suppose you know, " I said stiffly, "that he hit me upon the nose. "

"There must, " said Berry, "have been some misunderstanding. TheSpaniard's courtesy is proverbial. You're sure you weren't rude tohim, brother?"

"Certain, " said I grimly. 

"Dear, dear, " said my brother-in-law, opening a guide-book. "It's mostmysterious. Just listen to this. _The stranger is at first apt to becarried away by the obliging tone of society, by the charmingspontaneity of manner, and by the somewhat exaggerated politeness ofthe people he meets_. There now. Were you carried away at all? Imean, if you were----"

"I was not, " said I. 

Berry returned to the book. 

"_He should return these civilities in kind, but he should avoidturning the conversation on serious matters, and should, above all, refrain from expressing an opinion on religious or politicalquestions_. I do hope you didn't.... "

I shook my head. 

"Then, " said Berry, "should we meet the child again, I shall cut himdead. And that's that. And now let's go and find a dairy. You'll bewanting a pick-me-up. "

For an hour and a half we went about the city. We marked her bulwarks, we told her towers, we observed her mansions, we strolled upon herterraces, we enjoyed her prospects. 

Last of all, we visited the Calle del Puerto. Before we had taken adozen paces along the aged alley, a faint odour of perfume began toassert itself, and a few seconds later we were standing before a tinyshop, scrupulously sweet and clean to look upon, absurdly suggestive ofthe patronage of marionettes. A curtain of apple-green canvas wasswaying in the low doorway, while an awning of the same stuff guarded apeepshow window, which was barely three feet long and less than onefoot high. Herein, ranged behind a slab of fine plate-glass, stoodthree plain, stoppered phials, one rose-coloured, one green, and one afaint yellow. Below, on a grey silk pillow, was set a smallvellum-bound book. This was open. In capitals of gold upon the pagesdisplayed were two words only--PARFUMS FRANÇAIS. 

The effect was charming. 

We gathered about the window, ejaculating surprise. 

"_Urbs in rure_, " said Jonah. "And then you're wrong. The Rue de laPaix isn't in it. "

Which is a description I cannot better. 

Daphne lifted the _portière_, and we followed her in. 

Passing suddenly out of the brilliant sunshine, we could at first seenothing. Then gradually the interior of the shop took shape. 

There was no counter, but an oblong mahogany glass-topped table, standing in the centre of the polished floor, evidently was dischargingthat office. Upon this stood three other phials, similar to thosedisplayed in the window, but fitted with sprays instead of stoppers. In front of each a grey gold-lettered slip of silk, laid between theglass and the mahogany, declared its contents--ROSE BLEUE ... LYS NOIR... JASMIN GRIS. 

The room was very low, and the walls were panelled. Upon these, exceptfor that framing the door and window, were rows of shelves. On these, at decent intervals, stood phials of four different sizes. To judgefrom the colour of their glass, each wall was devoted to one of thethree scents. That facing us was green, that on our leftrose-coloured, that upon our right a faint yellow. A black curtain ina corner suggested a doorway leading to another part of the house. Theair, naturally enough, was full of perfume. 

We stared about us in silence. 

After waiting perhaps five minutes, peering unsuccessfully behind thecurtain, raising our voices in talk, and finally rapping upon the tablewithout attracting attendance, we decided to return to where we hadleft the cars and visit the shop again on our way out of the town. 

As we came to the Plaza, the clock of the great church announced thehour. A quarter to one. 

"Good Heavens!" cried Daphne, checking the time by her wrist-watch. "I'd no idea it was so late. And I left word for Evelyn to ring me upat the hotel at one o'clock. " We made a rush for the cars. "Can it bedone, Jonah?"

"Only by air, " said my cousin. "Outside a track, thirteen miles infourteen minutes is just a shade too thick; Still, there's nothing thematter with the road after Irun, and Evelyn may be delayed gettingthrough. "

He swung himself into Ping and started her up. My sister and Jillscrambled aboard while he was turning her round. As he headed for theCalle Mayor--

"Stop!" shrieked his sister. "The scent, Jonah, the scent. We've gotto go back. "

Jonah threw out the clutch. 

"We'll get that!" cried Adèle. "You go on, and we'll follow. "

"Right. "

The next moment Ping had dropped out of sight. 

It was perhaps five minutes later that, after conjuring Berry to staywhere he was and move the car for nobody, I assisted my wife on to thepavement. 

When Fuenterrabia was planned, an eleven-feet-six wheel-base was notconsidered. To wheedle Pong to the mouth of the Calle del Puerto hadbeen a ticklish business, and I had berthed her deliberately with aneye to our departure for the city gate, rather than to the convenienceof such other vehicles as might appear. Besides, for my brother-in-lawto have essayed manoeuvres in such surroundings would have been askingfor trouble. 

As Adèle and I hastened along the street--

"We must look sharp, " I insisted. "She's half across the fairway. Ifanybody with anything broader than a mule feels they can't wait, there'll be murder done. "

We came to the shop, panting.... 

The place was just as we had left it, and--there was no one there. 

I looked round impatiently. 

"What on earth, " I began, "is the good of a----"

As I spoke, the curtain in the corner was pushed to one side, and aFrench girl entered the room. 

Her manner was most curious. 

For a moment she hesitated, as though she would turn and fly. Then, with her eyes upon Adèle, she moved slowly forward. She seemed to bemaking an effort to come and serve us. That she was most apprehensivewas perfectly plain.... 

Half-way between curtain and table she stopped. Then she put a hand toher throat. 

"_Madame_ desires something?"

"Some scent, please, " said Adèle reassuringly. 

Her cheerful tone appeared to encourage the girl. And when my wifepointed to the green phial and asked to be sprayed with its contents, Icould have sworn her attitude was that of relief. 

In a flash she had produced a small square of linen. This she handedto Adèle. 

"Smell, _Madame_. See, it is scentless. _Pardon_. " She sprayed itwith scent. "_Voilà_. That is the 'Black Lily. '"

Adèle passed it to me. The scent was exquisite. 

"It's delicious, " said Adèle. 

"Yes, _Madame_, it is good. Will _Madame_ sample the others?"

"If you please. "

Fresh squares of linen were produced, offered for inspection, andsprayed.... 

Each perfume seemed more ravishing than its predecessor. To test theworth of this impression, we reverted to the 'Black Lily. ' One breathof this satisfied us that it was the best of the lot. To be quitesure, we smelt the 'Blue Rose, ' and were instantly convinced of itssuperiority to its fellows. A return to the 'Grey Jasmine' persuadedus that there was only one scent in the shop. It was, indeed, impossible to award the palm. Each perfume had some irresistiblevirtue which the others lacked. 

When, at last, Adèle implored me to help her to a decision, I spoke tothe point. 

"There's only one thing to do. We can't wait now, so have a big bottleof each. Then you and Jill and Daphne can fight it out at home. "

Adèle asked the price of the scents. 

"They are all the same price, _Madame_. The large bottle, one hundred_pesetas_--the others, seventy, fifty, and thirty, according to size. "

"Very well. I'll take a large bottle of each. "

"Thank you, _Madame_. "

A prolonged and vicious croak from the end of the street argued thatBerry's patience was wearing thin, but to have asked the girl to makehaste would have been supererogatory. 

In a trice three phials had been taken down from their shelves, andthree stout silk-lined cases, of the pattern of safety-match boxes, hadbeen produced. The phial went into its tray, the tray into its sheath, the case complete into a sheet of rough grey paper, and the whole wasgirt with cord in next to no time. 

As the last knot was being tied Adèle touched me upon the arm. 

"I almost forgot, " she said. Then she turned to the girl. "I havebeen told to ask for your 'Red Violets. '"

The scissors the girl was using fell to the floor. As she recoveredthem--

"Certainly, _Madame_, " she whispered, laying a trembling hand upon thecurtain behind. 

She disappeared, to reappear almost immediately with a packageprecisely similar to those she had just made up. She placed it withthe others. 

"Oh, " said Adèle, "but you haven't----"

A perfect hurricane of croaks, mingled with cries of anger, interruptedher. 

"Never mind, " I cried, gathering up the parcels. "How much is it now?Four hundred, I suppose. "

As I was counting the notes, a yell of anguish in Berry's unmistakableaccents fell upon my ears. 

I threw the money upon the table and bolted out of the shop with Adèleat my heels.... 

As we came to the corner, I ran full tilt into--Eulalie. For aninstant our eyes met, but she looked away pointedly, slipped to oneside, and passed on.... 

Then--

"_Obstàculos_ to you, sir!" roared Berry. "Look at my wing.... Yes, Isee the cabriolet. But what of that? It's perfectly happy.... No, it_didn't_ want to get by. And if it had---- Oh, go and push yourselfoff somewhere. " Here he caught sight of me. "See what this greasypantaloon's done? I told him he hadn't room, but he wouldn't wait. And now he's shoving it on to that cabriolet.... Oh, why can't I speakSpanish? I'd give him earache. "

I thrust our packages into the fold of the hood and ran to examine thewing. Happily the damage was slight. I announced this relievedly. 

"I daresay it is, " raged Berry, as we resumed our seats. "What Iobject to is the poisonous hostility of the brute. He blinkin' wellmeant to do it. "

"Dear, dear, " said Adèle, bubbling. "There must have been somemisunderstanding. The Spaniard's courtesy is proverbial. "

"Exactly, " said I. "The stranger is at first apt to be carried away bythe exaggerated politeness of the----"

"You may be, " said Berry, "as blasphemous as you like, but, for thelove of the home for little children, let's get out of this town. "

I let in the clutch.... 

We were passing out of the beautiful armoried gateway, when anapproaching peasant signalled to us to stop, and pointed excitedly backthe way we had come. The fellow's manner suggested that we had droppedsomething. 

I pulled up the car, opened my door, and jumped out. 

As I did so, a breathless Eulalie appeared upon the other side of thecar. 

"I never thought I should catch you, " she said uncertainly. "My cargot mixed up with that waggon, so I chanced it and ran. And, now I'mhere, I hardly know how to tell you.... " She addressed herself toAdèle. "But I fancy you've got my scent--'Red Violets. ' It'srather--rather special. They only make it by request. And a friend ofmine had ordered a bottle for me. It was put ready for me to call for, and, as far as I can make out, they've given it to you by mistake. I'm--I'm afraid I'm asking an awful lot, but might I have it? I'mleaving Spain altogether in half an hour, so I shan't have anotherchance. "

I never remember feeling so utterly disillusioned. Recalling thetelephone conversation of the day before, I was frankly disgusted. Such sharp practice as this smacked of a bargain sale. 

The scent was ours. We had bought it fairly. Besides, it had _not_been reserved. If either Adèle or Eulalie had to go empty away, Lawand Equity alike were pronouncing in favour of my wife. 

Adèle was speaking. 

"Oh, certainly. Boy, will you... ?" I stepped into the car and thrusta hand into the fold of the hood. "I shall know which it is. Thepaper it's wrapped in is different. There's a line running through it, and the others were plain. " I plucked out a case and gave it to her toexamine. "That's right. " Gravely she handed it to Eulalie. "I'msorry you had to run so, " she added gently. 

The other shrugged her shoulders. 

"I caught you, " she said simply, "and that's the great thing. " Sheglanced over her shoulder. "And here comes my car. I'm really mostawfully grateful.... "

With a swish the cabriolet swept alongside, skidded with locked wheelsupon the pavement, and fetched up anyhow with its bonnet across ourbows. It was a piece of driving for which the chauffeur ought to havebeen flogged. 

"... Most awfully grateful, " repeated Eulalie, swinging the case by itscord. "You--you might have made it much harder.... "

The next moment she was in the cabriolet... 

Dazedly I watched the latter float out of sight. 

"B-but she hasn't paid, " I stammered. "She's never given us the money. Four pounds that bottle cost.... "

We stared at one another in dismay. 

At length--

"Stung, " said Berry. "But what a beautiful bit of work! Four pounds'worth of scent for the asking. No unpleasantness, no sleight of hand, no nothing. Just a glad eye last night and a two-minute run thismorning. I don't wonder she was grateful. "

 * * * * *

We had spent the afternoon traversing San Sebastian, and had found theplace good--so good, in fact, that it was past six before we returnedto the hotel. 

I followed Adèle upstairs rather wearily. 

"I shall never get over this morning, " I said. "Never. " Arrived atour door, I fitted the key to the lock. "To think that I stood thereand let you hand---- Oh, blast! We've left the scent in the car. "

"So we have, " said Adèle. "What an awful nuisance! I knew we should. It's fatal to put anything in that hood. You don't see it. "

I pushed open the door. 

"As soon as I've changed, " I said, switching on the light. "I'll goand----"

The sentence was never finished. 

Had I been told that a cyclone had struck our bedroom, I should nothave been surprised. 

Adèle and I stood staring at such a state of disorder as I had neverdreamed of. 

The bed had been dragged from the wall, and its clothes distributedabout the room; the wardrobe and cupboards stood open: every drawer inthe room was on the floor: our clothing had been flung, like soiledlinen, into corners: my wife's dressing-case had been forced, and nowlay open, face downward, upon the carpet, while its contents sprawledupon a mattress: a chair had fallen backwards into the emptycabin-trunk, and the edge of a sheet had caught on one of its upturnedlegs.... 

"Adèle! Boy!" The swish of a skirt, and there was my sister behindus. "Our room's been---- Good Heavens, yours is the same! Whatever'sthe meaning of it?"

Within three minutes two managers and three clerks were on the scene. To do them justice, they were genuinely perturbed. Fresh rooms--amagnificent suite--were put at our disposal: under our own eyes ourbelongings were gathered into sheets and carried to our new quarters:maids were summoned and placed at the girls' service: valets were sentfor: the dressing-case was sent to be repaired: we were begged at ourconvenience to report whether there were any valuables we could notfind, and over and over again we were assured that the management wouldnot rest until the thieves were taken: jointly and severally we wereoffered profound apologies for so abominable an outrage. 

Berry and Jonah, who had been taking the cars to the garage, arrived inthe midst of the removal. 

Upon the circumstances being laid before my brother-in-law, he seemedfor some time to be deprived of the power of speech, and it was onlyupon being shown the contents of a sheet which had just been conveyedby two valets into his wife's bedroom that he at last gave tongue. 

Drawing a pair of dress trousers from beneath a bath towel, a pair ofbrogues, and a box of chocolates, he sobbed aloud. 

"You all, " he said brokenly, "do know these trousers: I remember thefirst time ever I did put them on; 'twas on a summer's evening, in thePark.... "

With one accord and some asperity my sister and I requested him todesist. 

"All right, " he said. "But why worry? I know there's nothing valuablegone, because in that case I should have been told long ago. We'vebeen shocked and inconvenienced, of course; but, to balance it, we'vegot a topping suite, a private sitting-room thrown in, and a wholefleet of bottle-washers in attendance, all stamping to wash and ironand brush our clothes as they've never been brushed before. Jonah'sand Jill's rooms all right?"

"Yes. "

"Well, let them move along, any way. Then we shall all be together. And now, if we've got any sense, we shall let this sympathetic crowdstraighten up everything--they're simply bursting for the word'Go!'--and gather round the fire, which I see they've lighted, and talkabout something else. "

This was sound advice. 

A close acquaintance with crime--the feeling that a robber has handledher personal effects, mauled her apparel, trodden her own sanctuary--isbound to jangle a sensitive woman's nerves. The less the girls thoughtupon the matter, the better for them.... 

Orders were given, a sofa was drawn towards the hearth, Jonah went toseek some champagne, and I slipped on a coat and left the hotel for thegarage. 

When I returned some twenty minutes later, Adèle had discovered a pianoand was playing "Whispering, " while the others were dancing with asmuch freedom from care as they might have displayed at a night-club. 

When I laid the scent on the table, the dance died, and Daphne, Adèle, and Jill crowded about me. 

"One for each of you, " I said. "With my love. But wait one moment. "I turned to Adèle. "How did you tell the 'Red Violets' from theothers?"

"It's paper had a line----"

I pointed to the three parcels. 

"So have they all, " I said. "It depends on the way the light strikesit. One moment you see it, and the next you can't. "

My wife examined the packages in turn. 

"You're perfectly right, " she said. Then, "Good Heavens!" she cried. "Perhaps I gave that woman the wrong one, after all. "

I shrugged my shoulders. 

"I don't suppose she cared. What's in a name? They're each of themworth four pounds. "

"That's true, " said Adèle musingly. "Still.... "

We opened them one by one. 

The first was the Black Lily. 

Then came the Grey Jasmine. 

I ripped the paper off the third case and laid it upon the table. 

With my fingers about the cardboard, I paused. 

"And what, " said I, "is the betting?"

"Blue Rose, " cried Jill. 

"Red Violets, " said Adèle. 

I opened the case. 

They were both wrong. 

The tray contained no perfume at all. 

Crammed into the form of a scent-bottle was a dirty huddle ofwash-leather. 

I lifted it out between my finger and thumb. 

The diamond and emerald necklace which lay beneath must have been wortha quarter of a million. 

 * * * * *

"Yes, " said the British Vice-Consul, some two hours later, "this littleseaside town is a sort of Thieves' Parlour. Four-fifths of the stuffthat's stolen in Spain goes out of the country this way. As in thepresent case, the actual thief daren't try to cross the frontier, buthe's always got an accomplice waiting at San Sebastian. We know thethieves all right--at least, the police do, but the accomplices are thedevil. Often enough, they go no further than Biarritz, and there areso many of the Smart Set constantly floating between the two towns thatthey're frightfully hard to spot. In fact, about the only chance is totrace their connection with the thief. What I mean is this. A's gotthe jewels and he's got to pass them to B. That necessitates some kindof common denominator. Either they've got to meet or they've got tovisit--at different times, of course--the same bureau.... 

"Well, there you are. 

"By the merest accident you stumbled upon the actual communication ofthe password by A to B. The voice you heard upon the telephone wasthat of the original thief, or of his representative. This morning youvisited the actual bureau. I know the place well. My wife's boughtscent there. It's always been a bit of a mystery, but I neversuspected this. I've not the slightest doubt it's been used as abureau for years. Well, in all innocence you gave the password, and inall innocence received the gems. B arrives too late, finds that youhave them, and starts in pursuit. I've no doubt she really ran on tosee which way you'd gone. She couldn't have hoped to catch you onfoot. Of course, she couldn't understand how you'd come by thepassword, but the few words you'd had with her the night before madeher suspect your innocence. Still, she wasn't sure, and that's why herchauffeur fetched up across your bows. "

"You don't mean----"

"I do indeed. If you hadn't handed them over, they'd have been takenby force.... 

"Well, finding that either by accident or design she's been sold a pup, B communicates with the gang, and, while you're out, your rooms areransacked. "

"And I walked, " I said, "after dark from the Calle de Miracruz to thishotel with the baubles under my arm. "

The Vice-Consul laughed. 

"The armour of ignorance, " he said, "will sometimes turn the keenestwits. The confidence it gives its wearer is proverbial. "

"But why, " said Adèle, "was the shop-girl so terribly nervous? I mean, if she's used to this sort of traffic.... "

The Vice-Consul fingered his chin. 

Then he picked up the jewels. 

"Perhaps, " he said slowly, "perhaps she knew where they came from. "

"Where was that?" said Daphne. 

The Vice-Consul frowned. 

"When I last saw them, " he said, "they were in the Royal Treasury. "

 * * * * *

At half-past ten the next morning I was walking upon the golf links ofSt. Jean-de-Luz. 

I was not there of choice. 

Two very eminent detectives--one French and one Spanish--were uponeither side of me. 

We were close to the seventh green, when the Frenchman touched me uponthe arm. 

"Look, sir, " he said, pointing. "There is a golf party coming. Theyare making, no doubt, for this spot. When they arrive, pray approachand look at them. If you should recognise anyone, I beg that you willtake off your hat. "

He bowed, and a moment later I was alone. 

I sat down on the turf and took out a cigarette.... 

With a plop, a golf ball alighted upon the green, trickled a few feet, and stopped a yard from the hole. Presently, another followed it, rolled across the turf, and struggled into the rough. 

I got upon my feet and strolled towards the green.... 

It was a mixed foursome. 

In a cherry-coloured jumper and a white skirt, Eulalie looked prettierthan ever. 

She saw me at once, of course, but she took no notice. 

Her companions glanced at me curiously. 

Putter in hand, Eulalie walked to her ball--the far one--and turned herback to me. After a little consideration, she holed out. 

It was a match shot, and her companions applauded vigorously. 

Eulalie just smiled. 

"I'm always better, " she said, "when I've something at stake. "

"And what, " said her partner, a large blue-eyed Englishman with a greymoustache, "have you got at stake this time?"

Eulalie laughed mischievously. 

"If I told you, " she said, "you wouldn't believe me. "

Light-heartedly enough, they passed to the eighth tee. 

I watched them go thoughtfully. 

When the detectives came up--

"I didn't take off my hat, " I explained, "because I wasn't sure. ButI'm almost certain that somewhere before I've seen that great bigfellow with the grey moustache. "

My companions were not interested. 

CHAPTER IX

HOW JONAH TOOK OFF HIS COAT, AND BERRY FLIRTED WITH FORTUNE FOR ALL HEWAS WORTH

"My dear, " said Berry, "be reasonable. "

"With pleasure, " said Daphne. "But I'm not going to let you off. "

Her husband frowned upon a roll. 

"When I say, " he said, "that I have a feeling to-day that my luck isin, I'm not being funny. Only once before have I had that conviction. I was at Cannes at the time--on the point of leaving for Paris. I wentto Monte Carlo instead.... That night I picked up over six hundredpounds. "

"I know, " said his wife. "You've often told me. But I can't help it. I made you give me your word before we came here, and I'm not going tolet you off. "

"I gave it without thinking, " declared her husband. "Besides, I neverdreamed I should have this feeling. "

"I did, " said Daphne shortly. "That's why I made you promise. Havesome more coffee?"

Pointedly ignoring the invitation, Berry returned to his roll and, after eyeing it with disgust which the bread in no way deserved, proceeded to disrupt and eviscerate it with every circumstance ofbarbarity. Covertly, Jonah and I exchanged smiles.... 

Forty-eight hours had elapsed since I had cut Eulalie, and this was themorning of our last day at San Sebastian. 

During our short stay the weather had been superb, and we had been outand about the whole day long. Of an evening--save for one memorableexception--we had been to the Casino.... 

For as long as I could remember, Berry had had a weakness for Roulette. For Baccarat, _Petits Chevaux_, and the rest he cared nothing: fiftypounds a year would have covered his racing bets: if he played Bridge, it was by request. My brother-in-law was no gambler. There wassomething, however, about the shining wheel, sunk in its board of greencloth, which he found irresistible. 

Remembering this fascination, my sister had broached the matter so soonas we had decided to visit San Sebastian, with the happy result that, ere we left Pau, her husband had promised her three things. The firstwas to leave his cheque-books at home; the second, to take with him nomore than two hundred pounds; the third, to send for no more money. 

And now the inevitable had happened. 

The two hundred pounds were gone--every penny; we were not due to leaveuntil the morrow; and--Berry was perfectly satisfied that his luck hadchanged. As for the promises his wife had extracted, he was repentinghis rashness as heartily as she was commending her prevision. 

"Nothing, " said Berry, turning again to the charge, "was said aboutborrowing, was it?"

"No. "

"Very well, then. Boy and Jonah'll have to lend me something. I'm notgoing to let a chance like this go. "

"Sorry, old chap, " said Jonah, "but we've got to pay the hotel bill. Thanks to your activities, we're landed with----"

"How much have you got?" demanded Berry. 

I cut in and threw the cards on the table. 

"Brother, " I said, "we love you. For that reason alone we won't lendyou a paper franc. But then you knew that before you asked us. "

My brother-in-law groaned. 

"I tell you, " he affirmed, "you're throwing away money. With anothertwo hundred and fifty I could do anything. I can feel it in my bones. "

"You'd lose the lot, " said Jonah. "Besides, you've eaten your cake. If you'd limited yourself last night and played rationally, instead ofbuttering the board.... "

"I'm sure, " said Jill, "you ought to have played on a system. If you'dput a pound on 'RED' and kept on doubling each time you lost----"

"Yes, " said Berry. "That's an exhilarating stunt, that is. Before youknow where you are, you've got to put two hundred and fifty-six poundson an even chance to get one back. With a limit of four hundred andeighty staring you in the face, that takes a shade more nerve than Ican produce. I did try it once--at Madeira. Luck was with me. Afterthree hours I'd made four shillings and lost half a stone.... Incidentally, when a man starts playing Roulette on a system, it's timeto pray for his soul. I admit there are hundreds who do it--hundredsof intelligent, educated, thoughtful men and women. Well, you can prayfor the lot. They're trying to read something which isn't written. They're studying a blank page. They're splitting their brains over amatter on which an idiot's advice would be as valuable. I knew abrilliant commercial lawyer who used to sit down at the table andsolemnly write down every number that turned up for one hour. For thenext sixty minutes he planked still more solemnly on the ones that hadturned up least often. Conceive such a frame of mind. That wonderfulbrain had failed to grasp the one simple glaring point of which hiscase consisted--that Roulette is lawless. He failed to appreciate thathe was up against Fortune herself. He couldn't realise that because'7' had turned up seven times running at a quarter past nine, that wasno earthly reason why '7' shouldn't turn up eight times running at aquarter past ten. Heaven knows what fun he got out of it. For me, thewhole joy of the thing is that you're flirting with Fate. " He closedhis eyes suddenly and flung back his head. "Oh, " he breathed, "I tellyou she's going to smile to-night. I can see the light in her eyes. Ihave a feeling that she's going to be very kind ... Very kind ... Somehow ... "

We let him linger over the fond reflection, eyeing one anotheruneasily. It was, we felt, but the prelude to a more formidable attack. 

We were right. 

"I demand, " barked Berry, "that I be allowed the wherewithal toprosecute my suit. "

"Not a farthing, " said Daphne. "To think that that two hundred poundsis gone makes me feel ill. "

"That's exactly why I want to win it back--and more also. " He lookedround desperately. "Anybody want a birthright? For two hundred andfifty quid--I'd change my name. "

"It sounds idiotic, I know, " said I, "but supposing--supposing youlost. "

"I shan't to-night, " said Berry. 

"Sure?"

"Positive. I tell you, I feel----"

"And you, " said Jonah scornfully, "you have the temerity to talk aboutpraying for others' souls. You sit there and----"

"I tell you, " insisted Berry, "that I have a premonition. Look here. If I don't have a dart to-night, I shall never be the same managain.... Boy, I implore you----"

I shook my head. 

"Nothing doing, " I said. "You'll thank us one day. "

"You don't understand, " wailed Berry. "You've never known the feelingthat you were bound to win. "

"Yes, I have--often. And it's invariably proved a most expensivesensation. "

There was a moment's silence. Then--

"Right, " said my brother-in-law. "You're one and all determined to seeme go down. You've watched me drop two hundred, and not one of you'sgoing to give me a hand to help me pick it up. It may be high-minded, but it's hardly cordial. Some people might call it churlish.... Uponmy soul, you are a cold-blooded crowd. Have you ever known a deal Iwouldn't come in on? And now, because you are virtuous, I'm to lose myfun.... Ugh! Hymn Number Four Hundred and Seventy-Seven, 'The Cakesand Ale are Over. '"

Struggling with laughter, Adèle left her seat and, coming quicklybehind him, set her white hands upon his shoulders. 

"Dear old chap, " she said, laying her cheek against his, "look at itthis way. You're begging and praying us to let you down. Yes, youare. And if we helped you to break your word, neither you nor we wouldever, at the bottom of our hearts, think quite so much of us again. And that's not good enough. Even if you won five thousand pounds itwouldn't compensate. Respect and self-respect aren't things you canbuy. "

"But, sweetheart, " objected Berry, "nothing was said about borrowing. Daphne admits it. If I can raise some money without reference to mybankers, I'm at liberty to do so. "

"Certainly, " said Adèle. "But we mustn't help. If that was allowed, it 'ld knock the bottom out of your promise. You and Daphne and we areall in the same stable: and that--to mix metaphors--puts us out ofCourt. If you ran into a fellow you knew, and he would lend you somemoney, or you found a hundred in the street, or a letter for youarrived----"

"--or one of the lift-boys died, leaving me sole legatee.... I see. Then I should be within my rights. In fact, if anything which can'thappen came to pass, no one would raise any objection to my takingadvantage of it. You know, you're getting too generous. "

"That's better, " said Adèle. "A moment ago we were cold-blooded. "

Berry winced. 

"I take it back, " he said humbly. "Your central heating arrangements, at any rate, are in perfect order. Unless your heart was glowing, yoursoft little cheek wouldn't be half so warm. "

"I don't know about that, " said Adèle, straightening her back. "But wetry to be sporting. And that's your fault, " she added. "You've taughtus. "

The applause which greeted this remark was interrupted by the entry ofa waiter bearing some letters which had been forwarded from Pau. 

A registered package, for which Berry was requested to sign, set us allthinking. 

"Whatever is it?" said Daphne. 

"I can't imagine, " replied her husband, scrutinising the postmark. "'Paris'? I've ordered nothing from Paris that I can remember. "

"Open it quick, " said Jonah. "Perhaps it's some wherewithal. "

Berry hacked at the string.... 

The next instant he leaped to his feet. 

"Fate!" he shrieked. "Fate! I told you my luck was in!" He turned tohis wife breathlessly. "'Member those Premium Bonds you wanted me togo in for? Over a month ago I applied for twenty-five. I'd forgottenabout the trash--and _here they are_!"

 * * * * *

Two hours and a half had gone by, and we were rounding a tremendoushorse-shoe bend on the way to Zarauz, when my wife touched Berry uponthe arm. 

"Aren't you excited?" she said. 

"Just a trifle, " he answered. "But I'm trying to tread it under. It'sessential that I should keep cool. When you're arm in arm withFortune, you're apt to lose your head. And then you're done. Thejade'll give me my cues--I'm sure of it. But she won't shout them. I've got to keep my eyes skinned and my ears pricked, if I'm going topick them up. "

"If I, " said Adèle, "were in your shoes, I should be just gibbering. "

It was, indeed, a queer business. 

The dramatic appearance of the funds had startled us all. Had theyarrived earlier, had they come in the shape of something less easilynegotiable than Bearer Bonds, had they been representing more or lessthan precisely the very sum which Berry had named in his appeal, wemight have labelled the matter "Coincidence, " and thought no more ofit. Such a label, however, refused to stick. The affair ranked withthunder out of a cloudless sky. 

As for my sister, with the wind taken out of her sails, she had hauleddown her flag. The thing was too hard for her. 

It was Jonah who had sprung a mine in the midst of our amazement. 

"Stop, " he had cried. "Where's yesterday's paper? Those things arePremium Bonds, and, unless I'm utterly mistaken, there was a drawingtwo days ago. One of those little fellows may be worth a thousandpounds. "

The paper had confirmed his report.... 

The thought that, but for his wit, we might have released suchsubstance to clutch at such a shadow, had set us all twittering morethan ever. 

At once a council had been held. 

Finally it had been decided to visit a bank and, before we disposed ofthe Bonds, to ask for and search the official bulletin in which arepublished the results of all Government Lottery Draws. 

Inquiry, however, had revealed that the day was some sort of a holiday, and that no banks would be open.... 

At last a financier was unearthed--a changer of money. In execrableFrench he had put himself at our service. 

'Yes, he had the bulletin. It had arrived this morning... '

Feverishly we searched its pages. 

Once we had found the column, a glance was enough. Our Bonds boreconsecutive numbers, of which the first figure was "o. " The seriesappeared to be unfortunate. The winning list contained not a singlerepresentative. 

More reassured than disappointed, we raised the question of a loan. 

Our gentleman picked at the Bonds and wrinkled his nose. After alittle he offered one hundred pounds. 

This was absurd, and we said so. 

The Bonds were worth two hundred and fifty pounds, and were as good ashard cash. The fellow had no office, and, when we wanted him again, aslike as not he would have disappeared. His personal appearance wasagainst him. 

When we protested, his answer came pat. 

'He was no money-lender. In the last ten years he had not advanced tenpesetas. He was a changer of money, a broker, and nothing else. '

Finally he offered one hundred and fifty pounds--at sixty per cent. Ayear _or part of a year_. 

For one so ignorant of usury, this was not bad. We thanked him acidly, offered the Bonds for sale, and, after a little calculation, acceptedtwo hundred and forty-three pounds in Spanish notes. 

Half an hour later we had climbed into the cars, anxious to make themost of our last day in Spain.... 

If the way to Zarauz was handsome, that from Zarauz to Zumaya was fitfor a king. Take us a range of mountains--bold, rugged, precipitous, and bring the sea to their foot--no ordinary sea, sirs, but Oceanhimself, the terrible Atlantic to wit, in all his glory. And there, upon the boundary itself, where his proud waves are stayed, build us aroad, a curling shelf of a road, to follow the line of that mostnotable indenture, witnessing the covenant 'twixt land and sea, settledwhen Time was born. 

Above us, the ramparts of Spain--below, an echelon of rollers, ceaselessly surging to their doom--before us, a ragged wonder ofcoast-line, rising and falling and thrusting into the distance, tillthe snarling leagues shrank into murmuring inches and tumult dwindledinto rest--on our right, the might, majesty, dominion and power ofOcean, a limitless laughing mystery of running white and blue, shiningand swaying and swelling till the eye faltered before so muchmagnificence and Sky let fall her curtain to spare the failingsight--for over six miles we hung over the edge of Europe.... 

Little wonder that we sailed into Zumaya--all red roofs, white wallsand royal-blue timbers--with full hearts, flushed and exulting. Thetwenty precious minutes which had just gone by were charged with thespirit of the Odyssey. 

Arrived at the village, we stopped, to wait for the others. So soon asthey came, we passed on slowly along the road to Deva. Perhaps a milefrom Zumaya we ate our lunch.... 

The comfortable hush which should succeed a hearty meal made in theopen air upon a summer's day was well established. Daphne and Adèlewere murmuring conversation: in a low voice Jill was addressing Berryand thinking of Piers: pipe in mouth, Jonah was blinking into a pair offield-glasses: and I was lying flat upon my back, neither smoking norsleeping, but gradually losing consciousness with a cigarette in myhand. 

I had come to the point of postponing through sheer lethargy theonerous duty of lifting the cigarette to my lips, when, with an oaththat ripped the air, Jonah started to his feet. 

Sleep went flying. 

I sat up amazedly, propping myself on my hands.... 

With dropped jaw, my cousin was staring through the glasses as a manwho is looking upon sudden death. While I watched, he lowered them, peered into the distance, clapped them again to his eyes, let themfall, glanced swiftly to right and left, shut his mouth with a snap, and made a dash for the cars.... 

With his hand upon Ping's door, he turned and pointed a tremblingforefinger along the valley. 

"There's Zed, " he cried. "My horse. Haven't seen him since Cambrai. Leading a team, and they're flogging him. "

I fancy he knew I should join him, for he never closed Ping's door. Ashe changed into second, I swung myself inboard. A moment later we wereflying along the dusty road.... 

Zed had been Jonah's charger for over three years. Together, for monthafter month, the two had endured the rough and revelled in the smooth. They had shared misery, and they had shared ease. Together, manytimes, they had passed through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. And, while the animal must have loved Jonah, my cousin was devoted to thehorse. At last came Cambrai.... 

Jonah was shot through the knee and sent to England. And Zed--poor Zeddisappeared. 

My cousin's efforts to trace him were superhuman. Unhappily his groomhad been killed, when Jonah was wounded, and, though all manner ofauthorities, from the Director of Remounts downwards, had lent theirofficial aid, though a most particular description had been circulatedand special instructions issued to all the depots through which thehorse might pass, to his lasting grief Jonah had never heard of Zedagain. 

And now.... I found myself praying that he had not been mistaken. 

Jonah was driving like a man possessed. 

We tore up a rise, whipped round a bend and, coming suddenly upon aroad on our right, passed it with locked wheels. 

The noise my cousin made, as he changed into reverse, showed that hislove for Zed was overwhelming. 

We shot backward, stopped, stormed to the right and streaked up ashocking road at forty-five.... We flashed into a hamlet, turned atright angles, missed a waggon by an inch and flung up a frightful tracktowards a farm.... 

Then, before I knew what had happened, we had stopped dead, and Jonah'sdoor was open and he was limping across the road. 

In the jaws of a rude gateway stood a waggon of stones. Harnessed tothis were three sorry-looking mules and, leading them, the piteouswreck of what had been a blue roan. The latter was down--and out. 

For this the immediate reason was plain. 

The teamster, better qualified for the treadmill, had so steered hiswaggon that the hub of its off fore wheel had met the gatepost. Thishe had not observed, but, a firm believer in the omnipotency of thelash, had determined to reduce the check, whatever might be its cause, by methods of blood and iron. Either because he was the mostconvenient or by virtue of his status, the leader had received thebrunt of the attack. That is, of course, one way of driving.... 

The blue roan was down, and his master had just kicked him in the bellywhen Jonah arrived. 

The Spaniard was a big fellow, but my cousin has wrists of steel.... He took the whip from its owner as one takes a toy from a baby. Thenwith the butt he hit him across the mouth. The Spaniard reeled, caughthis foot on a stone and fell heavily. Jonah threw down the whip andtook off his coat. 

"I don't want to kill him, " he said quietly. 

When the other rose, he looked extremely ugly. This was largely due tothe fact that most of his front teeth were missing and that it wasdifficult, because of the blood, to see exactly where his face endedand his mouth began. The look in his eyes, however, was suggesting theintent to kill. 

He had no idea, of course, that he was facing perhaps the one manliving who could have thrashed a champion.... 

It is not often that you will see half a dozen of the most illustriousmembers of the National Sporting Club attending an Assault-at-Arms heldat a public school. Three years running I had that honour. Thegentlemen came to see Jonah. And though no applause was allowed duringthe boxing, they always broke the rule.... In due season my cousinwent to Oxford.... In his second year, in the Inter-Universitycontest, he knocked his opponent out in seven seconds. The latterremained unconscious for more than six hours, each crawling one ofwhich took a year off Jonah's life. From that day my cousin never puton the gloves again.... 

All, however, that the Spaniard saw was a tall lazy-looking man with agame leg, who by his gross interference had taken him by surprise. 

He lowered his head and actually ran upon his fate.... 

I have never seen "punishment" at once so frightful and sopunctiliously administered. Jonah worked with the swift precision ofthe surgeon about the operating table. He confessed afterwards thathis chief concern was to keep his opponent too blind with rage to seethe wisdom of capitulation. He need not have worried.... 

When it had become obvious that the blessed gifts of sight, smell, andhearing had been almost wholly withdrawn from the gentleman, when, infact, he had practically ceased attempting to defend himself, andmerely bellowed with mortification at every stinging blow, Jonahknocked him sprawling on to the midden, and drew off his wash-leathergloves. 

The next moment he was down on his knees beside the roan, plucking atthe rough harness with trembling fingers. 

Once the horse sought to rise, but at Jonah's word he stopped and laiddown his head. 

Between us we got him clear. Then we stood back, and Jonah called him. 

With a piteous effort the roan got upon his legs. That there was backtrouble and at least one hock was sprung I saw at a glance. The horsehad been broken down. He was still blowing badly, and I ran for theflask in the car. When I came back, Jonah was caressing his chargerwith tears running down his cheeks.... 

There is a listlessness, born of harsh treatment, suckled on dyinghopes, reared on the bitter memory of happier days, which is moreeloquent than tears. There is an air of frozen misery, of a despair sodeep that a kind word has come to lose its meaning, which none buthorses wear. 

Looking upon Zed, I felt ashamed to be a man. 

Gaunt, filthy, and tottering, the flies mercilessly busy about threeshocking sores, the roan was presenting a terrible indictment to befiled against the Day of Judgment. '... And not one of them isforgotten before God.... ' But there was worse than pain of body here. The dull, see-nothing eyes, the heavy-laden head, the awful-strickenmien, told of a tragedy to make the angels weep--an Englishthoroughbred, not dead, but with a broken heart. 

We had administered the brandy, Jonah was bathing a sore, and I hadmade a wisp and was rubbing Zed down, when--

"Good day, " said a voice. 

With his arms folded upon the sill, a little grey-headed man waswatching us from a window. 

I looked up and nodded. 

"Good day, " I said. 

"Ah like boxing, " said the man. "Ah've bin twelve years in the States, an' Ah'd rather see boxing than a bull-fight. You like baseball?"

I shook my head. 

"I've never seen it, " I said. 

"Haven't missed much, " was the reply. "But Ah like boxing. Youvisiting Spain?"

"For a few days. "

"'S a fine country. Bin to Sevilla?"

Entirely ignoring the violence which he had just witnessed, to saynothing of our trespass upon his property and our continued attentionto his horse, the farmer proceeded to discuss the merits andshortcomings of Spain with as much detached composure as if we had methim in a tavern. 

At length Jonah got up. 

"Will you sell me this horse?"

"Yes, " said the man. "Ah will. "

"What d'you want for him?"

"Five hundred pesetas. "

"Right, " said Jonah. "Have you got a halter?"

The man disappeared. Presently he emerged from a door halter in hand. 

The twenty pounds passed, and Zed was ours. 

Tenderly my cousin fitted the halter about the drooping head. 

"One more effort, old chap, " he said gently, turning towards thegate.... 

Out of compassion for the mules, I drew the farmer's attention to thehub which was nursing the gatepost. 

He just nodded. 

"Pedro could never drive, " he said. 

"I should get a new carter, " I said. 

He shrugged his shoulders. Then he jerked his head in the direction ofthe carcase upon the midden. 

"He is my step-father. We do not speak, " he said simply. 

We found the others in the hamlet through which we had passed. There Ihanded over Ping to Adèle, and thence Jonah and Zed and I walked toZumaya. 

To find a box at the station was more than we had dared hope for, butthere it was--empty and waiting to be returned to San Sebastian. Beneath the influence of twenty-five pesetas, the station-master saw nogood reason why it should not be returned by the evening train. 

We left Jonah to accompany his horse and hurried home by car to seek astable. 

When we sat down to dinner that night at eight o'clock, Jonah calledfor the wine-list and ordered a magnum of champagne. 

When the wine was poured, he raised his glass and looked at me. 

"Thank you for helping me, " he said. He glanced round with his eyesglowing. "And all of you for being so glad. " He drank and touchedAdèle upon the shoulder. "In a loose-box, up to his knees in straw, with an armful of hay to pick over, and no congestion.... Have youever felt you wanted to get up and dance?" He turned to Berry. "Brother, your best. May you spot the winner to-night, as I did thisafternoon. "

"Thank you, " said Berry, "thank you. I must confess I'd been hopingfor some sort of intuition as to what to do. But I've not had a hintso far. Perhaps, when I get to the table.... It's silly, of course. One mustn't expect too much, but I had the feeling that I was going tobe given a tip. You know. Like striking a dud egg, and then puttingyour shirt on a horse called 'Attar of Roses. ' ... Never mind. Let'stalk about something else. Why did you call him 'Zed'?"

"Short for 'Zero, '" said Jonah. "I think my groom started it, andI----"

"Zero, " said Berry quietly. "I'm much obliged. "

 * * * * *

It was a quarter to eleven, and Berry had lost one hundred and seventypounds. 

Across her husband's back Daphne threw me a despairing glance. Uponthe opposite side of the table, Adèle and Jill, one upon either side ofJonah, stared miserably before them. I lighted my tenth cigarette andwondered what Berry had done.... 

The table was crowded. 

From their points of vantage the eight croupiers alternately did theirbusiness and regarded the assembly with a bored air. 

A beautifully dressed American, who had been losing, observed the luckof her neighbour, a burly Dutchman, with envious eyes. With aremonstrance in every fingertip, a debonnaire Frenchman was laughinglyupbraiding his fellow for giving him bad advice. From above hishorn-rimmed spectacles an old gentleman in a blue suit watched theremorseless rake jerk his five pesetas into "the Bank" in evidentannoyance. Cheek by jowl with a dainty Englishwoman, who reminded meirresistibly of a Dresden shepherdess, a Spanish Jew, who had won, wasexplosively disputing with a croupier the amount of his stake. TwoSouth Americans were leaning across the table, nonchalantly "plasteringthe board. " A little old lady, with an enormous bag, was thanking anelegant Spaniard for disposing her stake as she desired. Finger tolip, a tall Spanish girl in a large black hat was sizing her remainingcounters with a faint frown. A very young couple, patently upon theirhoneymoon, were conferring excitedly.... 

"_Hagan juego, Señores. _"

The conference between the lovers became more intense. 

"_Esta hecho?_"

"Oh, be quick!" cried the girl. "Between '7' and '8, ' Bill. Between... "

As the money went on--

"_No va mas_, " cried the croupier in charge. 

Two pairs of eyes peered at the revolving wheel. They did not noticethat the Dutchman, plunging at the last moment upon 'MANQUE, ' hadtouched their counter with his cuff and moved it to '9. '

The ball lost its momentum, poppled across the ridges, and leaped torest. 

"_Nueve. _"

Two faces fell. I wondered if a new frock had vanished into air.... 

With the edge of his rake a croupier was tapping their counter andlooking round for the claimant. 

For a second the Jew peered about him. Then he pointed to himself andstretched out his hand. 

I called to the croupier in French. 

"No. It belongs to Monsieur and Madame. I saw what happened. Thatgentleman moved it with his cuff. "

"_Merci, Monsieur. _"

With a sickly leer the pretender rallied the croupier, confidentiallyassured the dainty Englishwoman that he did not care, and, laughing alittle too heartily, waved the thirty-five pounds towards theirbewildered owners. 

"B-but it isn't mine, " stammered the boy. 

"Yes, " I said, smiling. "Your counter was moved. I saw the wholething. " I hesitated. Then, "If you'll take an old hand's advice, you'll stop now. A thing like that's invariably the end of one's luck. "

I was not 'an old hand, ' and I had no authority for my dictum. Myinterference was unpardonable. When the two stopped to thank me, asthey passed from the room, I felt like a criminal. Still, they lookedvery charming; and, after all, a frock on the back is worth a score atthe dressmaker's. 

"I am going, " said Berry, "to suspend my courtship and smoke acigarette. Possibly I'm going too strong. If I give the lady a rest, she may think more of me. "

"I suppose, " said Daphne, "you're bent on losing it all. "

Her husband frowned. 

"Fortune favours the bold, " he said shortly. "You see, she's justproving me. If I were to falter, she'd turn me down. "

It was impossible not to admire such confidence. 

I bade my sister take heart. 

"Much, " I concluded, "may be done with forty pounds. "

"Fifty, " corrected Berry. "And now let's change the subject. Howd'you pronounce Lwow? Or would you rather tell me a fairy tale?"

I shook my head. 

"My power, " I said, "of concentration is limited. "

"Then I must, " said Berry. "It's fatal to brood over your fortune. "He sat back in his chair and let the smoke make its own way out of hismouth. "There was once a large king. It wasn't his fault. The girthwent with the crown. All the Koppabottemburgs were enormous. Besides, it went very well with his subjects. Looking upon him, they felt theywere getting their money's worth. A man of simple tastes, hisfavourite hobby was fowls. 

"One day, just as he'd finished cleaning out the fowl-house, he foundthat he'd run out of maize. So he slipped on his invisible cloak andran round to the grocer's. He always wore his invisible cloak whenshopping. He found it cheaper. 

"Well, the grocer was just recovering from the spectacle of two poundsof the best maize shoving themselves into a brown-paper bag and pushingoff down the High Street, when a witch came in. The grocer's heartsank into his boots. He hated witches. If you weren't civil, beforeyou knew where you were, you were a three-legged toad or a dew-pond orsomething. So you had to be civil. As for their custom--well, itwasn't worth having. They wouldn't look at bacon, unless you'dguarantee that the pig had been killed on a moonless Friday with thewind in the North, and as for pulled figs, if you couldn't swear thatthe box had been crossed by a one-eyed man whose father had committedarson in a pair of brown boots, you could go and bury them under thelilacs. 

"This time, however, the grocer was pleasantly surprised. 

"I didn't know, " said the witch, "that you were under the patronage ofRoyalty. "

"Oh, didn't you?" said the grocer. "Why, the Master of the Horse hasgot his hoof-oil here for nearly two days now. "

"Master of the Horse be snookered, " said the witch. "I'm talking aboutthe king. "

"'The K-King?'" stammered the grocer. 

"'Oh, cut it out, ' said the witch, to whom an invisible cloak meantnothing. 'No doubt you've been told to keep quiet, but I don't count. And I'll bet you did the old fool over his maize. '

"The grocer's brain worked very rapidly. The memory of a tin of mixedbiscuits and half a Dutch cheese, which had floated out of his shoponly the day before, and numerous other recollections of mysteriouslyanimated provisions came swarming into his mind. At length--

"'We never charge Royalty, ' he said loftily. 

"'Oh, don't you?' snapped the witch. 'Well, supposing you change thisbroomstick. You swore blue it was cut on a rainless Tuesday from anash that had supported a murderer with a false nose. The very firsttime I used it, it broke at six thousand feet. I was over the sea atthe time, and had to glide nearly four miles to make a landing. Canyou b-beat it?'

"When the grocer put up his shutters two hectic hours later, he was aweary man. In the interval he had been respectively a toad, a picturepost-card, and a tin of baked beans. And somebody had knocked him offthe counter during his third metamorphosis, so he felt like death. Allthe same, before going to bed, he sat down and wrote to the LordChamberlain, asking for permission to display the Royal Arms. Just tomake it quite clear that he wasn't relying on hoof-oil, he added thathe was shortly expecting a fine consignment of maize and othercommodities. 

"The postscript settled it. 

"The permission was granted, the king 'dealt' elsewhere in future, andthe witch was given three hours to leave the kingdom. So the grocerlost his two worst customers and got the advertisement of his life. Which goes to show, my children, that if only---- Hullo! Here's a newshift. "

It was true. 

The eight croupiers were going off duty. As they vacated their seats, eight other gentlemen in black immediately replaced them. 

Berry extinguished his cigarette and handed me his last bunch of notes. In exchange for these, with the peculiar delicacy of his kind, thecroupier upon my right selected, arrayed and offered me counters of thevalue of forty English pounds. 

He might have been spared his pains. 

As I was piling the money by Berry's side--

"_Zero, _" announced a nasal voice. 

"We're off, " said my brother-in-law. "Will you see that they pay meright?"

One hundred and seventy-five pounds. 

Ere I had completed my calculation--

"_Zero, _" repeated the nasal voice. 

"I said so, " said Berry, raising his eyebrows. "I had the maximum thattime. Will you be so good? Thank you. "

Trembling with excitement, I started to count the equivalent of fourhundred and ninety pounds. 

Berry was addressing the croupier. 

"No. Don't touch the stake. She's not finished yet. "

"_Esta hecho?_"

"Don't leave it all, " begged Daphne. "Take----"

"_No vas mas. _"

Desperately I started to check the money again.... 

"_Zero. _"

There was a long gasp of wonderment, immediately followed by a buzz ofexclamation. The croupiers were smiling. Jill was jumping up and downin her seat. Adèle was shaking Jonah by the arm. My sister wasclinging to Berry, imploring him to "stop now. " The two Frenchmen werelaughing and nodding their congratulations. The little old lady wasbowing and beaming good-will. Excepting, perhaps, the croupiers. Berry seemed less concerned than anyone present. 

"No. I'm not going to stop, " he said gently, "because that would befoolish. But I'll give it a miss this time, because it's not comingup. It's no longer a question of guessing, dear. I tell you, I know. "

The ball went flying. 

After a moment's interval--

"_Ocho_ (eight), " announced the croupier. 

"You see, " said Berry. "I should have lost my money. Now this time myold friend Zero will come along. "

On to the white-edged rectangle went fourteen pounds. 

A few seconds later I was receiving four hundred and ninety.... 

I began to feel dazed. As for counting the money, it was out of thequestion. Idiotically I began to arrange the counters in littlepiles.... 

'35' turned up. 

"That's right, " said Berry quietly. "And now... It's really verymonotonous, but... "

With a shrug of his shoulders, he set the limit on 'Zero. '

I held my breath.... 

The ball ceased to rattle--began to fall--ricochetted from stud tostud--tumbled into the wheel--nosed '32'--and ... Fell with a clickinto '0. '

Berry spread out his hands. 

"I tell you, " he said, "it's too easy.... And now, again. "

"Don't!" cried Daphne. "Don't! I beg you----"

"My darling, " said Berry, "after to-night--No. Leave the stake, please--I'll never play again. This evening--well, the money's there, and we may as well have it, mayn't we? I mean, it isn't as if I hadn'tbeen given the tip. From the moment I woke this morning---- Listen, dear. Don't bother about the wheel--the lady's been hammering away. You must admit, she's done the job thoroughly. First the intuition:then the wherewithal: then, what to back. I should be a bottle-nosedmug if I didn't----"

"_Zero. _"

Upon the explosion of excitement which greeted the astounding event, patrons of the Baccarat Table and of the other Roulette Wheel lefttheir seats and came crowding open-mouthed to see what was toward. Complete strangers were chattering like old friends. Gibbering withemotion, the Spanish Jew was dramatically recounting what had occurred. The Dutchman was sitting back, laughing boisterously. The Frenchmenwere waving and crying, "_Vive l'Angleterre_. " Jonah was shouting asthough he had been in the hunting field. Adèle and Jill were beatingupon the table. 

Berry bowed his acknowledgments. 

As in a dream, I watched them send for more money. 

When it arrived, they gave me four hundred and ninety pounds. 

"_Hagan juego, Señores. _"

Berry shook his head. 

"Not this time, " he said quietly. 

He was right. After a look at '0' the ball ran with a click into '15. '

A long sigh of relief followed its settlement. 

"You see?" said Berry, picking up fourteen pounds.... 

"Don't, " I said weakly. "Don't. I can't bear it. The board'sbewitched. If it turns up again, I shall collapse. "

"You mean that?" said Berry, putting the money on. 

"_No va mas. _"

"I do. My heart----"

"Then say your prayers, " said my brother-in-law. "For, as I live, thatball's going to pick out----"

"_Zero. _"

I never remember such a scene. 

Everybody in the room seemed to be shouting. I know I was. Respectable Spaniards stamped upon the floor like bulls. TheFrenchmen, who with Berry and several others had backed the winner, were clasping one another and singing the Marseillaise. Thebeautifully dressed American was wringing Adèle's hand. The oldgentleman in the blue suit was on his feet and appeared to be making aspeech. The Spanish girl was standing upon her chair waving ahandkerchief.... 

In vain the smiling croupiers appealed for order.... 

As the tumult subsided--

"Seven times in ten spins, " said Berry. "Well, I think that'll do. We'll just run up the board on the even chances.... "

There was no holding him. 

Before I knew where I was, he had set twelve thousand pesetas apiece on'RED, ' 'ODD, ' and 'UNDER 19. '

Some fourteen hundred pounds on a single spin. 

I covered my eyes ... 

As the ball began to lose way, the hush was awful.... 

"_Siete_ (seven), " announced the spokesman. 

With my brain whirling, I sought to garner the harvest.... 

My brother-in-law rose to his feet. 

"One last throw, " he said. "'_PASSE_' for 'The Poor. '"

He leaned forward and put the maximum on 'OVER 18. '

A moment later, counter by counter, four hundred and seventy poundswent into the poor-box. 

As I pushed back my chair, I glanced at my watch. 

In exactly sixteen minutes Berry had stung 'the Bank' to the tuneof--as near as I could make it--four thousand nine hundred andninety-five pounds. 

 * * * * *

Some ten hours later we slipped out of San Sebastian and on to thefamous road which leads to Biarritz. Berry, Daphne, and Jill were inone car, and Adèle and I were in the other. Jonah and Zed were totravel together by train. It was improbable that they would leave forPau before the morrow. 

As we climbed out of Behobie, we took our last look at Spain, thatrealm of majestic distances and superb backgrounds.... 

You may peer into the face of France and find it lovely; the more youmagnify an English landscape, the richer it will become; but to findthe whole beauty of Spain, a man must stand back and lift up his eyes. 

Now that we had left it behind, the pride and grandeur of the scenerybeggared description. It was as though for days we had been lookingupon a mighty canvas, and while we had caught something of itssplendour, now for the first time had we focussed it aright. Thememory we took away was that of a masterpiece. 

Anxious to be home in time for luncheon, I laid hold of the wheel.... 

We whipped through St. Jean de Luz, sang through Bidart, and hobbledover a fearful stretch of metalling into Bayonne.... 

As we were nearing Bidache--

"How much, " said Adèle suddenly, "is Berry actually up?"

"Allowing for everything, " said I, "that is, his losses, what he gaveto the poor, and the various rates of exchange, about two hundred andforty thousand francs. "

"Not so dusty, " said Adèle thoughtfully. "All the same----"

A report like that of a gun blew the sentence to blazes. 

Heavily I took the car in to the side of the road.... 

A second tire went upon the outskirts of Pau. 

Happily we had two spare wheels.... 

As I was wearily resuming my seat, Berry, Daphne, and Jill went by witha cheer. 

Slowly we followed them into the town.... 

It was not until we were stealing up our own villa's drive that atlength I remembered the question which for over an hour I had beenmeaning to put to my wife. 

As I brought the car to a standstill--

"What was it, " I demanded, "that you had begun to say when we had thefirst burst near Bidache? We were talking about how much Berry was up, and you said----"

The most blood-curdling yell that I have ever heard fell upon our ears. 

For a moment we stared at one another. 

Then we fell out of the car by opposite doors and flew up the steps.... 

Extended upon a chair in the hall. Berry was bellowing, clawing at histemples and drumming with his heels upon the floor. 

Huddled together, Daphne and Jill were poring over a letter withstarting eyes. 

_DEAR SIR, _

_In case the fact has not already come to your notice, we hasten toinform you that as a result of the drawing, which took place on Mondaylast, one of the Premium Bonds, which we yesterday dispatched to youper registered post, has won the first prize of fr. 500, 000 (fivehundred thousand francs). _

_By way of confirmation, we beg to enclose a cutting from the officialBulletin. _

_We should, perhaps, point out that, in all announcements of theresults of drawings, the '0' or 'zero, ' which for some reasoninvariably precedes the number of a Premium Bond, is disregarded. _

_Awaiting the pleasure of your instructions, _

 _We beg to remain, dear sir, Your obedient servants, _ ----------

 * * * * *

It was perhaps five hours later that my memory again responded, and Iturned to Adèle. 

"The dam burst, " said I, "at the very moment when you were going totell me what you had been about to say when the first tire went outsideBidache. Sounds like 'The House that Jack built, ' doesn't it?"

"Oh, I know, " said Adèle, laughing. "But it's no good now. I wasgoing to say----"

The door opened, and Falcon came in with a wire. 

I picked up the form and weighed it thoughtfully. 

"Wonderfully quick, " I said. "It was half-past two when I was at theBank, and I couldn't have been at the Post Office before a quarter tothree. I looked at my watch. Just under four hours. "

"The Bank?" said Adèle, staring. "But you said you were going to theClub. "

I nodded. 

"I know. I was anxious to raise no false hopes. All the same, Icouldn't help feeling that half a million francs were worth a tenpennywire. Therefore I telegraphed to Jonah. His answer will show whetherthat tenpenny wire was worth half a million francs. "

My wife snatched the form from my hand and tore it open. 

It was very short. 

 _Bonds repurchased Jonah. _

 * * * * *

But my memory never recovered from the two-fold slight. 

To this day I cannot remember to ask Adèle what it was that she hadbeen about to say when the first tire burst outside Bidache. 

CHAPTER X

HOW BERRY SOUGHT COMFORT IN VAIN, AND NOBBY SLEPT UPON A QUEEN'S BED. 

Time was getting on. 

The season at Pau was approaching the end of its course. Alreadyvillas and flats and servants were being engaged for the winter tocome. We had been asked definitely whether we proposed to return and, if so, whether we wished again to occupy the excellent villa we had. Not knowing what answer to make to the first question, we had passed tothe second--somewhat illogically. The second had proved more heatedlydisputable than the first. Finally Jill had looked up from a letter toPiers and put in her oar with a splash. 

"The villa's all right, " she announced. "Everyone says it's the best, and so should we, if we didn't live in it. It's what's inside that'sso awful. Even one decent sofa would make all the difference. "

In silence we pondered her words. 

At length--

"I confess, " said Berry, "that the idea of having a few chairs about inwhich you can sit continuously for ten minutes, not so much in comfortas without fear of contracting a bed-sore or necrosis of the coccyx, appeals to me. Compared with most of the 'sitzplatz' in this herevilla, an ordinary church pew is almost voluptuous. The beastly thingsseem designed to promote myalgia. "

"Yet they do know, " said I. "The French, I mean. Look at their beds. "

"Exactly, " replied my brother-in-law. "That's the maddening part ofit. Every French bed is an idyll--a poem of repose. The upholstererputs his soul into its creation. A born genius, he expresses himselfin beds. The rest of the junk he turns out... " He broke off andglanced about the room. His eye lighted upon a couch, lozenge-shaped, hog-backed, featuring the Greek-Key pattern in brown upon a brick-redground and surrounded on three sides by a white balustrade some threeinches high. "Just consider that throne. Does it or does it notsuggest collusion between a private-school workshop, a bricklayer'slabourer, and the Berlin branch of the Y. W. C. A. ?"

"If, " said Daphne, "it was only the chairs, I wouldn't mind. But it'severything. The sideboard, for instance----"

"Ah, " said her husband, "my favourite piece. The idea of a doublecabin-washstand is very beautifully carried out. I'm always expectingFalcon to press something and a couple of basins to appear. Then wecan wash directly after the asparagus. "

"The truth is, " said Adèle, "these villas are furnished to be let. Andwhen you've said that, you've said everything. "

"I agree, " said I. "And if we liked Pau enough to come back nextautumn, the best thing to do is to have a villa of our own. I'm quiteready to face another three winters here, and, if everyone else is, it'ld be worth while. As for furniture, we can easily pick out enoughfrom Cholmondely Street and White Ladies. "

There was a moment's silence. 

Then--

"I'm on, " said Jonah, who had caught three splendid salmon in the lasttwo days. "This place suits me. "

"And me, " said Adèle warmly. 

My sister turned to her husband. 

"What d'you think, old chap?"

Berry smiled beatifically. A far-away look came into his eyes. 

"I shall personally superintend, " he announced, "the removal anddestruction of the geyser. "

Amid some excitement the matter was then and there decided. 

The more we thought upon it, the sounder seemed the idea. The placesuited us all. To have our things about us would be wholly delightful. Provided we meant for the future to winter abroad, we should save money. 

Pleasedly we proceeded to lunch. 

Throughout the meal we discussed what manner of house ours must be, situation, dimensions, aspect. We argued amiably about its garden andcurtilage. We determined to insist upon two bathrooms. By the timethe cheese was served, we had selected most of the furniture and werebickering good-temperedly about the style of the wall-papers. 

Then we rang up a house-agent, to learn that he had no unfurnishedvilla "to let" upon his books. He added gratuitously that, except fora ruined château upon the other side of Tarbes, he had nothing "forsale" either. 

So soon as we had recovered, we returned to the charge... 

The third agent we addressed was not quite certain. There was, hesaid, a house in the town--_très solids, très serieuse, dans unquartier chic_. It would, he thought, be to our liking. It had, forinstance, _une salle de fête superbe_. He was not sure, however, thatit was still available. A French gentleman was much attracted, and hadvisited it three times. 

We were greatly disgusted and said so. We did not want a house in thetown. We wanted.... 

Finally we succumbed to his entreaties and promised to view the villa, if it was still in the market. He was to ring us up in ten minutes'time.... 

So it happened that half an hour later we were standing curiouslybefore the great iron gates of a broad shuttered mansion in the RueMazagran, Pau, while the agent was alternately pealing the bell for thecaretaker and making encouraging gestures in our direction. 

Viewed from without, the villa was not unpleasing. It looked extremelywell-built, it stood back from the pavement, it had plenty of elbowroom. The street itself was as silent as the tomb. Perhaps, if wecould find nothing else.... We began to wonder whether you could seethe mountains from the second floor. 

At last a caretaker appeared, I whistled to Nobby, and we passed up ashort well-kept drive. 

A moment later we had left the sunlight behind and had entered a hugedim hall. 

"Damp, " said Berry instantly, sniffing the air. "Damp for a monkey. Ican smell the good red earth. "

Daphne sniffed thoughtfully. 

"I don't think so, " she said. "When a house has been shut up likethis, it's bound to----"

"It's wonderful, " said her husband, "what you can't smell when youdon't want to. Never mind. If you want to live over water, I don'tcare. But don't say I didn't warn you. Besides, it'll save us money. We can grow moss on the floors instead of carpets. "

"It does smell damp, " said Adèle, "but there's central heating. See?"She pointed to a huge radiator. "If that works as it should, it'llmake your carpets fade. "

Berry shrugged his shoulders. 

"I see what it is, " he said. "You two girls have scented cupboards. Inever yet knew a woman who could resist cupboards. In a woman's eyes asuperfluity of cupboards can transform the most poisonous habitationinto a desirable residence. If you asked a woman what was the use of astaircase, she'd say, 'To put cupboards under. '"

By now the shutters had been opened, and we were able to see about us. As we were glancing round, the caretaker shuffled to a door beneath thestairs. 

"Here is a magnificent cupboard, " she announced. "There are manyothers. "

As we passed through the house, we proved the truth of her words. Ihave never seen so many cupboards to the square mile in all my life. 

My wife and my sister strove to dissemble their delight. At lengthCousin Jill, however, spoke frankly enough. 

"They really are beautiful. Think of the room they give. You'll beable to put everything away. "

Berry turned to me. 

"Isn't it enough to induce a blood-clot? 'Beautiful. ' Evil-smellingrecesses walled up with painted wood. Birthplaces of mice. Impregnable hot-beds of vermin. And who wants to 'put everythingaway'?"

"Hush, " said I. "They can't help it. Besides---- Hullo! Here'sanother bathroom. "

"Without a bath, " observed my brother-in-law. "How very convenient!Of course, you're up much quicker, aren't you? I suppose the idea isnot to keep people waiting. Come along. " We passed into a bedroom. "Oh, what a dream of a paper! 'Who Won the Boat-race, or The Battle ofthe Blues. ' Fancy waking up here after a heavy night. I suppose thedesigner was found 'guilty, but insane. ' Another two cupboards?Thanks. That's fifty-nine. And yet another? Oh, no. The backstairs, of course. As before, approached by a door which slides to and frowith a gentle rumbling noise, instead of swinging. The same warrantedto jam if opened hastily. Can't you hear Falcon on the wrong side witha butler's tray full of glass, wondering why he was born? Oh, and thebijou spiral leads to the box-room, does it? I see. Adèle's Americantrunks, especially the five-foot cube, will go up there beautifully. Falcon will like this house, won't he?"

"I wish to goodness you'd be quiet, " said Daphne. "I want to think. "

"It's not me, " said her husband. "It's that Inter-Universitywall-paper. And now where's the tower? I suppose that's approached bya wire rope with knots in it?"

"What tower?" said Adèle. 

"_The_ tower. The feature of the house. Or was it a ballroom?"

"Ah, " I cried, "the ballroom! I'd quite forgotten. " I turned to theagent. "Didn't you say there was a ballroom?"

"But yes, _Monsieur_. On the ground-floor. I will show it to you atonce. "

We followed him downstairs in single file, and so across the hall towhere two tall oak doors were suggesting a picture-gallery. For amoment the fellow fumbled at their lock. Then he pushed the two open. 

I did not know that, outside a palace, there was such a chamber in allFrance. Of superb proportions, the room was panelled from floor toceiling with oak--richly carved oak--and every handsome panel wasoutlined with gold. The ceiling was all of oak, fretted with gold. The floor was of polished oak, inlaid with ebony. At the end of theroom three lovely pillars upheld a minstrels' gallery, while opposite astately oriel yawned a tremendous fireplace, with two stone seraphimfor jambs. 

In answer to our bewildered inquiries, the agent explained excitedlythat the villa had been built upon the remains of a much older house, and that, while the other portions of the original mansion haddisappeared, this great chamber and the basement were still surviving. But that was all. Beyond that it was once a residence of note, hecould tell us nothing. 

Rather naturally, we devoted more time to the ballroom than to all therest of the house. Against our saner judgment, the possession of theapartment attracted us greatly. It was too vast to be used withcomfort as a sitting-room. The occasions upon which we should enjoy itas '_une salle de fête_, ' would be comparatively few. Four ordinary_salons_ would require less service and fuel. Yet, in spite ofeverything, we wanted it very much. 

The rest of the house was convenient. The parlours were fine and airy;there were two bathrooms; the bedrooms were good; the offices wereadmirable. As for the basement, we lost our way there. It wasprofound. It was also indubitably damp. There the dank smell uponwhich Berry had remarked was most compelling. In the garden stood agarage which would take both the cars. 

After a final inspection of the ballroom, we tipped the caretaker, promised to let the agent know our decision, and, to the greatinconvenience of other pedestrians, strolled talkatively through thestreets towards the Boulevard. 

"I suppose, " said Adèle, "those were the other people. "

"Who were the other people?" I demanded. 

"The two men standing in the hall as we came downstairs. "

"I never saw them, " said I. "But if you mean that one of them was thefellow who's after the house, I fancy you're wrong, because the agenttold me he'd gone to Bordeaux. "

"Well, I don't know who they were, then, " replied my wife. "They weretalking to the caretaker. I saw them through the banisters. By thetime we'd got down, they'd disappeared. Any way, it doesn't matter. Only, if it was them, it looks as if they were thinking prettyseriously about it. You don't go to see a house four times out ofcuriosity. "

"You mean, " said Berry, "that if we're fools enough to take it, we'dbetter get a move on. "

"Exactly. Let's go and have tea at Bouzom's, and thrash it out there. "

No one of us, I imagine, will ever forget that tea. 

Crowded about a table intended to accommodate four, we alternatelydisputed and insulted one another for the better part of two hours. Not once, but twice of her agitation my sister replenished the teapotwith Jill's chocolate, and twice fresh tea had to be brought. Berryburned his mouth and dropped an apricot tartlet on to his shoe. Untilmy disgust was excited by a nauseous taste, I continued to drink from acup in which Jonah had extinguished a cigarette. 

Finally Berry pushed back his chair and looked at his watch. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, " he said, "we came here this memorable afternoonto discuss the advisability of taking a certain messuage--to wit, theVilla Buichi--for the space of three years. As a result of thatdiscussion I have formed certain conclusions. In the first place, I amsatisfied that to dwell with you or any of you in the Villa Buichi orany other habitation for the space of three years presents a prospectso horrifying as to belittle Death itself. Secondly, while my mainobject in visiting the said messuage was to insure, if possible, against the future contraction of some complaint or disease of thehams, I have, I fear, already defeated that object by sitting forupwards of ninety minutes upon a chair which is rather harder than theliving rock, and whose surface I have reason to believe is studded withbarbs. Thirdly, whilst we are all agreed that a rent of fourteenthousand francs is grotesque, I'd rather pay twice that sum out of myown pocket than continue an argument which threatens to affect my mind. Fourthly, the house is not what we want, or where we want it. Theprospect of wassailing in your own comic banqueting-hall is alluring, but the French cook believes in oil, and, to us, living in the town, every passing breeze will offer indisputable evidence, not only of thelengths to which this belief will go, but of the Pentateuchal effectswhich can be obtained by a fearless application of heat to rancidblubber. Fifthly, since we can get nothing else, and the thought ofanother winter in England is almost as soul-shaking as that of livingagain amid French furniture, I suppose we'd better take it, alwaysprovided they fill up the basement, put on a Mansard roof, add a fewcupboards, and reduce the rent. Sixthly, I wish to heaven I'd neverseen the blasted place. Lastly, I now propose to repair to the _CercleAnglais_, or English Club, there in the privacy of the _lavabo_ toremove the traces of the preserved apricot recently adhering to myright shoe, and afterwards to ascertain whether a dry Martini, cuppedin the mouth, will do something to relieve the agony I am suffering asthe direct result of concentrating on this rotten scheme to theexclusion of my bodily needs. But there you are. When the happinessof others is at stake, I forget that I exist. "

With that, he picked up his hat and, before we could stop him, walkedout of the shop. 

With such an avowal ringing in our ears, it was too much to expect thathe would remember that he had ordered the tea, and had personallyconsumed seven cakes, not counting the apricot tart. 

However... 

I followed him to the Club, rang up the agent, and offered to take thehouse for three years at a rent of twelve thousand francs. He promisedto telephone to our villa within the hour. 

He was as good as his word. 

He telephoned to say that the French gentleman, who had unexpectedlyreturned from Bordeaux, had just submitted an offer of fourteenthousand francs. He added that, unless we were prepared to offer ahigher rent, it would be his duty to accept that proposal. 

After a moment's thought, I told him to do his duty and bade him adieu. 

 * * * * *

That night was so beautiful that we had the cars open. 

As we approached the Casino--

"Let's just go up the Boulevard, " said Daphne. "This is too lovely toleave. "

I slowed up, waited for Jonah to come alongside, and then communicatedour intention to continue to take the air. 

The Boulevard being deserted, Ping and Pong proceeded slowly abreast.... 

A sunset which had hung the sky with rose, painted the mountain-topsand turned the West into a blazing smeltery of dreams, had slowlyyielded to a night starlit, velvety, breathless, big with the gentlewitchcraft of an amber moon. Nature went masked. The depths upon ourleft seemed bottomless; a grey flash spoke of the Gave de Pau: beyond, the random rise and fall of a high ridge argued the summit of agigantic screen--the foothills to wit, odd twinkling points of yellowlight, seemingly pendent in the air, marking the farms and villasplanted about their flanks. And that is all. A row of poplars, certainly, very correct, very slight, very elegant, by the way that wetake for Lourdes--the row of poplars should be recorded; the luminousstars also, and a sweet white glow in the heaven, just where the ridgeof the foothills cuts it across--a trick of the moonlight, no doubt.... Sirs, it is no such trick. That misty radiance is the driven snowresting upon the peaks of the Pyrenees. The moon is shining full onthem, and, forty miles distant though they are, you see them renderingher light, as will a looking-glass, and by that humble office clothingthemselves with unimaginable splendour. 

As we stole into the Place Royale--

"Every minute, " announced Adèle, "I'm more and more thankful that we'requit of the Villa Buichi. We should have been simply mad to have takena house in the town. "

"There you are, " said Berry. "My very words. Over and over again Iinsisted----"

"If you mean, " said Jonah, "that throughout the argument you confinedyourself to destructive criticism, deliberate confusion of the issues, and the recommendation of solutions which you knew to be impracticable, I entirely agree. "

"The trouble with you, " said Berry, "is that you don't appreciate thevalue of controversy. I don't blame you. Considering the backlash inyour spinal cord, I think you talk very well. It's only when----"

"What exactly, " said Adèle, bubbling, "is the value of controversy?"

"Its unique ability, " said Berry, "to produce the truth. The hotterthe furnace of argument, the harder the facts which eventually emerge. That's why I never spare myself. I don't pretend it's easy, but thenI'm like that. Somebody offers you a drink. The easiest way is torefuse. But I don't. I always ask myself whether my health demandsit. "

There was an outraged silence. 

Then--

"I have noticed, " I observed, "that upon such occasions your brainworks very fast. Also that you invariably choose the--er--harder path. "

"Nothing is easier, " said Berry, "than to deride infirmity. " Havingcompassed the Place Royale, we returned to the Boulevard. "And now, ifyou've quite finished maundering over the beauties of a landscape whichyou can't see, supposing we focussed on the object with which we setout. I've thought out a new step, I want to show you. It's called'The Slip Stitch. ' Every third beat you stagger and cross your legsabove the knee. That shows you've been twice to the Crusades. Thenyou purl two and cast four off. If you're still together, you get upand repeat to the end of the row knitways, decreasing once at everyturn. Then you cast off very loosely. "

Happily the speaker was in the other car, so we broke away and fled upthe Rue du Lycée.... 

The dancing-room was crowded. Every English visitor seemed to bethere, but they were not all dancing, and the floor was just pleasantlyfull. 

As we came in, I touched Adèle on the arm. 

"Will you dance with me, lass?"

I was not one moment too soon. 

As I spoke, two gallants arrived to lodge their claims. 

"I've accepted my husband, " said Adèle, smiling. 

She had to promise the next and the one after. 

Whilst we were dancing, she promised the fourth and the fifth. 

"I can see, " said I, "that I'm in for my usual evening. Of course, we're too highly civilised. I feed you, I lodge you, I clothe you"--Iheld her off and looked at her--"yes, with outstanding success. You'vea glorious colour, your eyes are like stars, and your frock is amarvel. In fact, you're almost too good to be true. From yourwonderful, sweet-smelling hair to the soles of your little pink feet, you're an exquisite production. Whoever did see such a mouth? Isuppose you know I married you for your mouth? And your throat?And--but I digress. As I was saying, all this is due to me. If I fedyou exclusively on farinaceous food, you'd look pale. If I locked youout of nights, you'd look tired. If I didn't clothe you, you'dlook--well, you wouldn't be here, would you? I mean, I know we movepretty fast nowadays, but certain conventions are still observed. Verywell, then. I am responsible for your glory. I bring you here, andeverybody in the room dances with you, except myself. To complete thecomedy, I have only to remind you that I love dancing, and that you arethe best dancer in the room. I ask you. "

"That's just what you don't do, " said Adèle, with a maddening smile. "If you did.... "

"But----"

"Certain conventions, " said Adèle, "are still observed. Have I everrefused you?"

"You couldn't. That's why I don't ask you. "

"O-o-oh, I don't believe you, " said Adèle. "If it was Leap Year----"

"Pretend it is. "

"--and I wanted to dance with you----"

"Pretend you do. "

The music stopped with a crash, and a moment later a Frenchman wasbowing over my wife's hand. 

"May I come for a dance later?" he asked. 

"Not this evening. I've promised the next four----"

"There will, I trust, be a fifth?"

"--and, after that, I've given my husband the lot. You do understand, don't you? You see, I must keep in with him. He feeds me and lodgesme and clothes me and----"

The Frenchman bowed. 

"If he has clothed you to-night, Madame, I can forgive him anything. "

We passed to a table at which Berry was superintending the icing ofsome champagne. 

"Ah, there you are!" he exclaimed. "Had your evening dance? Good. Iordered this little hopeful _pour passer le temps_. They've two morebaubles in the offing, and sharp at one-thirty we start on fried eggsand beer. Judging from the contracts into which my wife has enteredduring the last six minutes, we shall be here till three. " Here heproduced and prepared to inflate an air-cushion. "The great wheezeabout these shock-absorbers is not to----"

There was a horrified cry from Daphne and a shriek of laughter fromAdèle and Jill. 

"I implore you, " said my sister, "to put that thing away. "

"What thing?" said her husband, applying the nozzle to his lips. 

"That cushion thing. How could you----"

"What! Scrap my blow-me-tight?" said Berry. "Darling, you rave. You're going to spend the next four hours afloat upon your beautifultoes, with a large spade-shaped hand supporting the small of your back. I'm not. I'm going to maintain a sitting posture, with one of the'nests for rest' provided by a malignant Casino directly interveningbetween the base of my trunk and the floor. Now, I know thatintervention. It's of the harsh, unyielding type. Hence thisair-pocket. "

With that, he stepped on to the floor, raised the air-cushion as if itwere an instrument of music, and, adopting the attitude and manners ofa cornet soloist, exhaled into the nozzle with all his might. 

There was a roar of laughter. 

Then, mercifully, the band started, and the embarrassing attention ofabout sixty pairs of eyes was diverted accordingly. 

A moment later my brother-in-law and I had the table to ourselves. 

"And now, " said Berry, "forward with that bauble. The Rump Parliamentis off. "

Perhaps, because it was a warm evening, the Casino's furnaces were infull blast. After a while the heat became oppressive. Presently Ileft Berry to the champagne and went for a stroll in the Palmarium. 

As I was completing my second lap--

"Captain Pleydell, " said a dignified voice. 

I turned to see Mrs. Waterbrook, leaning upon a stick, accompanied by aremarkably pretty young lady with her hair down her back. 

I came to them swiftly. 

"Have you met with an accident?" I inquired. 

"I have. I've ricked my ankle. Susan, this is Captain Pleydell, whosecousin is going to marry Piers. Captain Pleydell, this is Susan--myonly niece. Now I'm going to sit down. " I escorted her to a chair. "That's better. Captain Pleydell, have you seen the Château?"

"Often, " said I. "A large grey building with a red keep, close to thescent-shop. "

"One to you, " said Mrs. Waterbrook. "Now I'll begin again. CaptainPleydell, have you seen the inside of the Château?"

"I have not. "

"Then you ought, " said Mrs. Waterbrook, "to be ashamed of yourself. You've been six months in Pau, and you've never taken the trouble to goand look at one of the finest collections of tapestries in the world. What are you doing to-morrow morning?"

"Going to see the inside of the Château, " I said. 

"Good. So's Susan. She'll meet you at the gate on the Boulevard athalf-past ten. She only arrived yesterday, and now her mother wantsher, and she's got to go back. She's wild to see the Château beforeshe goes, and I can't take her because of this silly foot. "

"I'm awfully sorry, " said I. "But it's an ill wind, etc. "

"Susan, " said Mrs. Waterbrook, "that's a compliment. Is it your first?"

"No, " said Susan. "But it's the slickest. "

"The what?" cried her aunt. 

"I mean, I didn't see it coming. "

I began to like Susan. 

"'Slickest, '" snorted Mrs. Waterbrook. "Nasty vulgar slang. If youwere going to be here longer, Captain Pleydell's wife should give youlessons in English. She isn't a teacher, you know. She's anAmerican--with a silver tongue. And there's that wretched bell. " Sherose to her feet. "If I'd remembered that Manon had more than threeacts, I wouldn't have come. " She turned to me. "Is Jill hereto-night?"

"She is. "

"Will you tell her to come and find us in the next interval?"

"I will. "

"Good. Half-past ten to-morrow. Good night. "

On the way to the doors of the theatre she stopped to speak withsomeone, and Susan came running back. 

"Captain Pleydell, is your wife here?"

I nodded. 

"Well, then, when Jill's with Aunt Eleanor, d'you think I could--Imean, if you wouldn't mind, I'd--I'd love a lesson in English. "

I began to like Susan more than ever. 

"I'll see if she's got a spare hour to-morrow, " I said. "At half-pastten. "

Susan knitted her brows. 

"No, don't upset that, " she said quickly. "It doesn't matter. I wantto be able to tell them I had you alone. But if I could say I'd metyour wife, too, it'd be simply golden. "

As soon as I could speak--

"You wicked, forward child, " I said. "You----"

"Toodle-oo, " said Susan. "Don't be late. "

Somewhat dazedly I turned in the direction of the _salle de danse_--sodazedly, in fact, that I collided with a young Frenchman who waswatching the progress of _le jeu de boule_. This was hardlyexhilarating. Of the seven beings gathered about the table, six werecroupiers and the seventh was reading _Le Temps_. 

I collided roughly enough to knock a cigarette out of my victim's hand. 

"Toodle-oo--I mean _pardon, Monsieur. Je vous demande pardon. _"

"It's quite all right, " he said, smiling. "I shouldn't have beenstanding so far out. "

I drew a case from my pocket. 

"At least, " I said, "you'll allow me to replace the cigarette"--he tookone with a laugh--"and to congratulate you upon your beautiful English. "

"Thank you very much. For all that, you knew I was French. "

"In another minute, " said I, "I shall be uncertain. And I'm sure you'ddeceive a Frenchman every time. "

"I do frequently. It amuses me to death. Only the other day I had toproduce my passport to a merchant at Lyons before he'd believe I was aforeigner. "

"A foreigner?" I cried, with bulging eyes. "Then you are English. "

"I'm a pure-bred Spaniard, " was the reply. "I tell you, it's mostdiverting. Talk about ringing the changes. I had a great time duringthe War. I was a perfect mine of information. It wasn't strictlyaccurate, but Germany didn't know that. As a double-dyed traitor, theyfound me extremely useful. As a desirable neutral, I cut a great dealof ice. And now I'm loafing. I used to take an interest in theprevention of crime, but I've grown lazy. "

For a moment or two we stood talking. Then I asked him to come to ourtable in the dancing-room. He declined gracefully. 

"I'm Spanish enough to dislike Jazz music, " he said. 

We agreed to meet at the Club on the following day, and I rejoinedBerry to tell him what he had missed. 

I found the fifth dance in full swing and my brother-in-law in highdudgeon. 

As I sat down, he exploded. 

"This blasted breath-bag is a fraud. If you blow it up tight, it'slike trying to sit on a barrel. If you fill it half full, you mustn'tmove a muscle, or the imprisoned air keeps shifting all over the placetill one feels sick of one's stomach. In either case it's as hard aspetrified bog-oak. If you only leave an imperial pint in the vessel, it all goes and gathers in one corner, thus conveying to one theimpression that one is sitting one's self upon a naked chair with atennis-ball in one's hip-pocket. If one puts the swine behind one, itshoves one off the seat altogether. It was during the second phasethat one dropped or let fall one's cigar into one's champagne. Onehadn't thought that anything could have spoiled either, but one waswrong. "

I did what I could to soothe him, but without avail. 

"I warn you, " he continued, "there's worse to come. Misfortunes huntin threes. First we fool and are fooled over that rotten villa. Nowthis balloon lets me down. You wait. "

I decided that to argue that the failure of the air-cushion couldhardly be reckoned a calamity would be almost as provocative as tosuggest that the immersion of the cigar should rank as the thirddisaster, so I moistened the lips and illustrated an indictment of ourpresent system of education by a report of my encounter with Susan. 

Berry heard me in silence, and then desired me to try the chairs at theChâteau, and, if they were favouring repose, to inquire whether theplace would be let furnished. Stifling an inclination to assault him, I laughed pleasantly and related my meeting with the engaging Spaniard. When I had finished--

"How much did you lend him?" inquired my brother-in-law. "Or is a palof his taking care of your watch?"

The fox-trot came to an end, and I rose to my feet. 

"The average weight, " I said, "of the spleen is, I believe, six ounces. But spleens have been taken weighing twenty pounds. "

"Net or rod?" said Berry. 

"Now you see, " I continued, "why you're so heavy on the chairs. "

With that, I sought my wife and led her away to watch the Baccarat.... 

Before we had been in the gaming room for twenty seconds, Adèle caughtme by the arm. 

"D'you see that man over there, Boy? With a bangle on his wrist?"

"And a shirt behind his diamond? I do. "

"That's one of the men I saw in the Villa Buichi. "

"The devil it is, " said I. "Then I take it he's the new lessee. Well, well. He'll go well with the ballroom, won't he?"

It was a gross-looking fellow, well-groomed and oily. His fat handswere manicured and he was overdressed. He gave the impression thatmoney was no longer an object. As if to corroborate this, he had beenwinning heavily. I decided that he was a bookmaker. 

While I was staring, Adèle moved to speak with a friend. 

"And who, " said a quiet voice, "is attracting such faithful attention?"

It was the Spaniard. 

"You see that fat cove?" I whispered. "He did us out of a houseto-day. Overbid us, you know. "

My companion smiled. 

"No worse than that?" he murmured. "You must count yourselves lucky. "

I raised my eyebrows. 

"You know him?"

The other nodded. 

"Not personally, of course, " he said. Then: "I think he's retired now. "

"What was he?" said I. 

"The biggest receiver in France. "

 * * * * *

Ere we retired to rest, my brother-in-law's prophecy that there was'worse to come' was distressingly fulfilled. 

As the 'evening' advanced, it improved out of all knowledge. The laterthe hour, the hotter became the fun. Berry's ill humour fell away. Adèle and I danced furiously together. Vain things were imagined andfound diverting. Hospitality was dispensed. The two spare 'baubles'were reinforced.... 

Not until half-past two was the tambourine of gaiety suffered to tumblein its tracks. 

We climbed into the cars flushed and hilarious.... 

Late though we were, whenever we had been dancing there was one memberof the household who always looked for our return and met us upon ourthreshold. 

Nobby. 

However silently the cars stole up the drive, by the time the door wasopened, always the Sealyham was on parade, his small feet together, histail up, his rough little head upon one side, waiting to greet us withan explosion of delight. In his bright eyes the rite was never stale, never laborious. It was the way of his heart. 

Naturally enough, we came to look for his welcome. Had we looked invain some night, we should have been concerned.... 

We were concerned this night. 

We opened the door to find the hall empty. 

Nobby was not upon parade. 

Tired as we were, we searched the whole house. Presently I found anote upon my pyjamas. 

_SIR, _

_Must tell you we cannot find Nobby, the chauffeur and me lookingeverywhere and Fitch as been out in Pau all evening in quest. Hopinghis whereabouts is perhaps known to you, _

 _Yours respectfully, J. FALCON. _

I was at the Villa Buichi the following morning by a quarter to ten. 

It seemed just possible that the terrier was there a captive. That hewas with us before we visited the house we well remembered. Whether hehad entered with us and, if so, left when we did, we could not be sure. We had had much to think about.... 

The caretaker took an unconscionable time to answer the bell, and whenI had stated my business, stoutly refused to let me search the villawithout an order. My offer of money was offensively refused. I had tocontent myself with standing within the hall and whistling as loud as Icould. No bark replied, but I was not satisfied, and determined toseek the agent and obtain a permit, the moment that Susan and I had'done' the Château. 

It was in some irritation that I made my way to the Boulevard. I hadno desire to see the inside of the Château then or at any time; Iparticularly wished to prosecute my search for the Sealyham withoutdelay. I had had less than four hours' sleep, and was feeling rotten. 

In a smart white coat and skirt and a white felt hat over one eye, Susan looked most attractive. Her fresh, pretty face was glowing, herwonderful golden hair was full of lights, and the line of her slimfigure, as--hands thrust deep into her coat-pockets--she leaned hersmall back against the balustrade, was more than dainty. Her littlefeet and ankles were those of a thoroughbred. 

As I descended from the car--

"I say, " said Susan, "I've got a stone in my shoe. Where can I get itout?"

I eyed her severely. 

"You will have a lot to tell them, " I said, "won't you? Go on. Getinto the car. "

She climbed in, sat down and leaned back luxuriously. Then she thrustout a foot with the air of a queen.... 

When I had replaced her shoe, she thanked me with a shy smile. Then--

"I say, " she said suddenly, "don't let's go to the Château. I don'twant to see the rotten place. Let's go for a drive instead--somewherewhere you can let her out. And on the way back you can take me to getsome gloves. "

"Susan, " said I, "there's nothing doing. I know a drive in ahigh-powered car sounds a good deal more _chic_ than being shown rounda Château, but you can't have everything. Orders is orders. Besides, I've lost my dog, and I want to get a move on. But for that, youshould have done the Château and had your drive into the bargain. Asit is.... "

Susan is a good girl. 

The moment she heard of my trouble, she was out of the car and halingme up to the Château as if there was a mob at our heels.... 

I was not in the mood for sightseeing, but my annoyance went downbefore the tapestries as wheat before the storm. 

Standing before those aged exquisites--those glorious embodiments ofpatience infinite, imagination high, and matchless craftsmanship, Iforgot everything. The style of them was superb. They had quality. About them was nothing mean. They were so rich, so mellow, sodelicate. There was a softness to the lovely tones no brush could evercompass. Miracles of detail, marvels of stately effect, the panelswere breathing the spirit of their age. Looking upon them, I steppedinto another world. I heard the shouts of the huntsmen and thelaughter of the handmaidens, I smelled the sweat of the chargers andthe sweet scent of the grapes, I felt the cool touch of the shade uponmy cheeks. Always the shouts were distant, the scent faint, thelaughter low. I wandered up faery glades, loitered in lazy markets, listened to the music of fountains, sat before ample boards, bowed overlily-white hands.... 

Here, then, was magic. Things other than silk went to the weaving ofso potent a spell. The laborious needle put in the dainty threads: thehearts of those that plied it put in most precious memories--treasuresof love and laughter ... The swift brush of lips ... The echo of a callin the forest ... A patch of sunlight upon the slope of a hill ... Suchstuff, indeed, as dreams are made on.... 

And there is the bare truth, gentlemen, just as I have stumbled uponit. The tapestries of Pau are dreams--which you may go and share anyday except Sundays. 

We had almost finished our tour of the apartments, and were standing inthe Bedroom of Jeanne d'Albret, staring at a beautiful Gobelin, when Iheard the "flop" of something alighting upon the floor. 

With one consent, the keeper, Susan, and I swung on our heels. 

Advancing stiffly towards us and wagging his scrap of a tail was asmall grey-brown dog. His coat was plastered with filth, upon one ofhis ears was a blotch of dried blood, his muzzle and paws might havebeen steeped in liquid soot. He stank abominably. 

I put up a hand to my head. 

"Nobby?" I cried, peering. And then again, "_Nobby?_"

The urchin crept to my feet, put his small dirty head on one side, lowered it to the ground, and then rolled over upon his back. With hislegs in the air, he regarded me fixedly, tentatively wagging his tail. 

Dazedly I stooped and patted the mud upon his stomach.... 

The bright eyes flashed. Then, with a squirm, the Sealyham was on hisfeet and leaping to lick my face. 

"B-b-but, " shrieked Susan, shaking me by the arm, "is this the--the dogyou'd lost?"

"Yes, " I shouted, "it is!"

Not until then did the custodian of the apartments find his tongue. 

"It is your dog, then!" he raved. "He has marched with us all thetime, and I have not seen him. Without an attachment in all thesenoble rooms! _Mon Dieu!_ dogs may not enter even the grounds, but hemust junket in the Château, all vile as he is and smelling like twentygoats. "

"Listen, " said I. "It's my dog all right, but I never brought him. I've been looking all over Pau. What on earth----"

"But you must have brought him. It is evident. Myself I have shut allthe doors. No one has the keys except me. It is impossible. "

I pointed to the carved bedstead. 

"See for yourself, " said I. "He's just jumped down. "

The keeper ran to the bed and peered behind the gorgeous parapet. Thenhe let out a scream of agony. 

"Ah, it is true. Ten thousand devils! That so beastly a dog shouldhave soiled Jeanne d'Albret's bed! Observe the nest he has made in hercounterpane. _Mon Dieu!_ it is scandalous. _Monsieur_, you willanswer for this. "

"I shall do nothing of the sort, " said I. "But, unless you keep yourmouth shut, you will. You shouldn't have let him get in. "

I thought the fellow would have choked. 

"But it was not I that---- A-a-ah!" he screamed. "See how heapproaches the Queen's screen, to destroy it as he has destroyed herbed. "

"Nonsense, " I said shortly. "He's very struck with the furniture. That's all. Anybody would be. But how the deuce.... "

With tears in his eyes the keeper besought me to remove my dogforthwith. 

In the circumstances, it seemed best to comply, so, wishing very muchthat Nobby could speak for himself, I tied my handkerchief to hiscollar and, with Susan chattering excitedly and clinging to my arm, followed our gibbering guide to the foot of the great staircase. 

"He must have followed him in, " cried Susan. "He simply must. Ilooked at the chimney, but it's stopped up, and the man says there's noother door. And you know he unlocked each one as we came to it thismorning. "

"But why's he so filthy?" I said. "And how did he fetch up here?Let's see. He must have come with us as far as Bouzom's. That's onlyfive minutes from here. Then we forgot all about him and left himoutside. We were there for ages. I suppose he got fed up with waitingor found a pal or something, and drifted down here. All the same.... "I turned to the custodian and took out a fifty-franc note. "He doesn'tusually pay so much for a room, but, as this isn't a hotel and he hadJeanne d'Albret's bed.... "

The money passed in silence. 

I fancy the keeper dared not trust himself to speak. 

After all, I was very thankful that Nobby was found. 

As we passed out of the gate, a sudden thought came to me, and I turnedback. 

"I say, " I cried, "when last did you visit that room?"

"The Queen's room, _Monsieur_?"

I nodded. 

"Yesterday morning, Monsieur. At nine o'clock. "

You could have knocked me down. 

I walked towards the car like a man in a dream. 

The business smacked of a conjuring trick. 

Having lost the terrier in the town, I had been sent to view theChâteau against my will, there to discover my missing chattel in alocked chamber upon the second floor. 

To add to the confusion of my wits, Susan was talking furiously. 

"... I've read of such things. You know. In case of a revolution, forthe king to escape. They say there's one at Buckingham Palace. "

"One what?" said I abstractedly. 

"Underground passage, " said Susan. "Leading out into the open. Theone from Buckingham Palace goes into a house, I suppose it was countryonce, and then the ground was built over, or, of course, it mightalways have led into the house, and they just had loyal people livingthere or someone from the Court, so that----"

"Heaven and earth!" I roared. "The Villa Buichi. "

Susan recoiled with a cry. 

I caught her white arm. 

"Susan, " I yelled, "you've got it in one! The last time we saw him wasthere. It's a house we saw yesterday. We thought of taking it, but, as soon as he saw us coming, another chap got in quick. "

"What a shame!" said Susan. "If only you'd had it, you'd 've been ableto go and look at the tapestries whenever you---- Oh, whatever's thematter?"

I suppose my eyes were blazing. I know my brain was. 

The murder was out. 

"I must see my friend, the Spaniard, " I said. "He's made a mistake. _The biggest receiver in France has not retired_. "

Susan stared at me with big eyes. 

With a smile, I flung open its door and waved her into the car.... 

I followed her in. 

Then I put my arm round her waist and kissed her pink cheek. 

"Now, " said I, "you _will_ have something to tell them. "

Susan gurgled delightedly. 

 * * * * *

The French are nothing if not artistic. They are also good showmen. 

It was largely due to the interest of Señor Don Fedriani that, fivedays later, I had the privilege of sitting for fifty minutes upon anextremely uncomfortable chair in the Oratory of Jeanne d'Albret, andlistening at intervals, by means of a delicate instrument, to thebiggest receiver in France and his confederates stumbling still moreuncomfortably along a dank and noisome passage towards penal servitudefor life. 

Had he known that the Villa Buichi was surrounded, that the caretakerwas already in custody, that a file of soldiers was following a quarterof a mile in his rear, and that the van which was to take him to prisonwas waiting in the Château's courtyard, my gentleman, who had 'livedsoft, ' could not have been more outspoken about the condition of hispath. 

Not until he had quite finished and had inquired in a blasphemouswhisper if all were present, was the strip of magnesium ignited and thephotograph made.... 

I have a copy before me. 

The knaves are not looking their best, but the grouping is superb. 

_The Toilet of Venus_ makes a most exquisite background. 

CHAPTER XI

HOW BERRY PUT OFF HIS MANHOOD, AND ADÈLE SHOWED A FAIR PAIR OF HEELS

But for Susan, I should not have seen the Château, and, but for themerest accident, we should not have revisited Gavarnie. And that wouldhave been a great shame. 

It was the day before we were spared this lasting reproach that mybrother-in-law stood stiffly before a pier-glass in his wife'sbed-chamber. Deliberately Berry surveyed himself. 

We stood about him with twitching lips, not daring to trust our tones. 

At length--

"But what a dream!" said my brother-in-law. "What an exquisite, pluperfect dream!" Jill shut her eyes and began to shake withlaughter. "I suppose it was made to be worn, or d'you think someonedid it for a bet? 'A Gentleman of the Court of Louis XIV. ' Well, Isuppose a French firm ought to know. Only, if they're right, I don'twonder there was a revolution. No self-respecting nation could hold upits head with a lot of wasters shuffling about Versailles with theseats of their breeches beginning under their hocks. That one sleeveis three inches shorter than the other and that the coat wouldcomfortably fit a Boy Scout, I pass over. Those features might beattributed to the dictates of fashion. But I find it hard to believethat even in that fantastic age a waistcoat like a loose cover everreally obtained. "

Adèle sank into a chair and covered her eyes. 

With an effort I mastered my voice. 

"I think, perhaps, " I ventured, "if you wore them for an hour or two, they might--might shake down. You see, " I continued hurriedly, "you'renot accustomed----"

"Brother, " said Berry gravely, "you've got it in one. I'm notaccustomed to wearing garments such as these. I confess I feel strangein them. Most people who are not deformed would. If I hadn't got anythighs, if my stomach measurement was four times that of my chest, andI'd only one arm, they'd be just about right. As it is, short ofmutilation----"

"Can't you brace up the breeches a little higher?" said Daphne. 

"No, I can't, " snapped her husband. "As it is, my feet are nearly offthe ground. "

Seated upon the bed, Jonah rolled over upon his side and gave himselfup to a convulsion of silent mirth. 

"The sleeves and the waistcoat, " continued my sister, "are nothing. Adèle and I can easily alter them. What worries me is the breeches. "

"They'd worry you a damned sight more if you had 'em on, " said Berry. "And if you think I'm going to wear this little song-without-words, even as amended by you and Adèle, you're simply unplaced. To say Iwouldn't be seen dead in it conveys nothing at all. "

"My dear boy, " purred Daphne, "be reasonable. It's far too late to gethold of anything else: it's the ball of the season, and fancy dress is_de rigueur_. I'm sure if you would only brace up----"

With an unearthly shriek, Berry collapsed in my arms. 

"Take her away!" he roared. "Take her away before I offer herviolence. Explain my anatomy. Tell her I've got a trunk. Concealnothing. Only.... "

Amid the explosion of pent-up laughter, the rest of the sentence waslost. 

As soon as we could speak coherently, we endeavoured to smooth him down. 

At length--

"It's transparently plain, " said Jonah, "that that dress is out of thequestion. " Here he took out his watch. "Let's see. It's now threeo'clock. That gives us just seven hours to conceive and execute someother confection. It shouldn't be difficult. "

"Now you're talking, " said Berry. "I know. I'll go as a mahout. Now, that's easy. Six feet of butter muslin, four pennyworth of woad, and aharpoon. And we can lock the elephant's switch and park him in therhododendrons. "

"Why, " said Jonah, "shouldn't you go as Mr. Sycamore Tight? You're notunlike him, and the excitement would be intense. "

After a little discussion we turned the suggestion down. 

For all that, it was not without merit. 

Mr. Sycamore Tight was wanted--wanted badly. There was a price uponhis head. Two days after he had landed in France, a large Americanbank had discovered good reason to believe that Mr. Tight hadpersonally depleted its funds to the tune of over a million. 

Daily, for the last four days, the gentleman's photograph had appearedin every French paper, illustrating a succinct and compellingadvertisement, which included a short summary of his characteristicsand announced the offer of a reward of fifty thousand francs for suchinformation as should lead to his arrest. 

The French know the value of money. 

If the interest excited at Pau was any criterion, every French soul inFrance went about his business with bulging eyes. Indeed, if Mr. Sycamore Tight were yet in the country, there was little doubt in mostminds that his days were numbered. 

"No, " said Berry. "It's very nice to think that I look so much likethe brute, but I doubt if a check suit quite so startling as that heseems to have affected could be procured in time. Shall I go asMarat--on his way to the bath-room? With a night-shirt, a flannel, anda leer, I should be practically there. Oh, and a box of matches tolight the geyser with. "

"I suppose, " said Daphne, "you wouldn't go as a clown? Adèle and Icould do that easily. The dress is nothing. "

"Is it, indeed?" said her husband. "Well, that would be simplicityitself, wouldn't it? A trifle classical, perhaps, but most arresting. What a scene there'd be when I took off my overcoat. 'Melancholy'would be almost as artless. I could wear a worried look, and there youare. "

"Could he go as a friar?" said Jill. "You know. Like a monk, only notso gloomy. We ought to be able to get a robe easily. And, if wecouldn't get sandals, he could go barefoot. "

"That's right, " said Berry. "Don't mind me. You just fix everythingup, and tell me in time to change. Oh, and you might write down a fewcrisp blessings. I shall get tired of saying '_Pax vobiscum_' whenanyone kicks my feet. "

"I tell you what, " said Adèle. "Would you go as 'a flapper'?"

"A what?" said my brother-in-law. 

"'A twentieth-century miss, '" said Adèle. "'The golf girl, ' if youlike. Daphne and I can fit you out, and you can wear your own shoes. As for a wig--any _coiffeur_'ll do. A nice fluffy bobbed one would bebest--the same shade as your moustache. "

Instinctively none of us spoke. 

The idea was so admirable--the result would be so triumphant, that wehardly dared to breathe lest Berry should stamp upon our hopes. 

For one full slow-treading minute he fingered his chin.... 

Then he wrinkled his nose. 

"Not 'The Golf Girl, '" he said. "That's much too pert. I couldn'tdeliver the goods. No. I must go as something more luscious. Whatabout 'The Queen of the May'?"

 * * * * *

At twenty-five minutes to ten that evening I was writing a note, andwondering, while I did so, whether the original 'Incroyables' ever satdown. 

I had just decided that, rather than continually risk dislocation ofthe knee, they probably either reclined or leaned against pillars whenfatigued, when something impelled me to glance over my shoulder. 

Framed in the doorway was standing Berry. 

A frock of pale pink georgette, with long bell-shaped sleeves and ablack velvet girdle knotted at one side, fitted him seemingly like aglove. A large Leghorn hat, its black velvet streamers fastenedbeneath his chin, heavily weighted with a full-blown rose over one eye, threatened to hide his rebellious mop of hair. White silk stockingsand a pair of ordinary pumps completed his attire. A miniature apron, bearing the stencilled legend 'AN ENGLISH ROSE' upon its muslin, leftno doubt about his identity. 

Beneath my gaze he looked down and simpered, swinging his bead bagridiculously. 

I leaned back in my chair and began to laugh like a madman. Then Iremembered my knee-caps, and got up and leaned against the wall, whenceI could see him better. 

As if his appearance alone were not enough, he spoke in an absurdfalsetto. 

"No, I'm not supposed to be out till after Easter. But don't let thatstop you. I mean--you know I do say such dreadful things, and all thetime.... Father always calls me a tom-cat--I mean, tom-boy, but Idon't care. Haven't you any sisters? What not even a 'step'? Oh, butwhat luck--I mean, I think we'll sit this one out, shall I? I know alovely place--in the inspection pit. I often go and sit there when Iwant to have a good fruity drink--I mean, think. I always think it'sso wonderful to look up and see the gear-box, and the differential, andthe dear old engine-shield and feel you're alone with themall--absolutely alone.... "

The tempestuous arrival of Adèle, looking sweet as "Pierrette, " andJonah in the traditional garb of "Harlequin, " cut short the soliloquy... 

It was ere the two had recovered from their first paroxysm of laughterthat Berry minced to the fireplace and, with the coyest of pecks, rangthe electric bell. 

A moment later Falcon entered the room. 

My brother-in-law laughed and looked down, fingering his dress. 

"Oh, Falcon, " he said archly, "about to-morrow. I don't know whetherMrs. Pleydell's told you, but there'll be four extra to lunch. "

I have seen Falcon's eyes twinkle, and I have seen his mouthwork--times without number. I have seen him thrust a decanter upon thesideboard and disappear shaking from the apartment. But never beforehave I seen his self-control crumple as a ripped balloon. 

For a second he stared at the speaker. 

Then he flung us one desperate, appealing glance, emitted a short wail, and, looking exactly as if he was about to burst into tears, clappedboth hands to his mouth and made a rush for the door. 

As he reached it, a little Dutch Jill danced into the room, lookingadorable. 

Use holds. 

Falcon straightened his back, stepped to one side, and bowed hisapologies. The temporary check, however, was his undoing. As Jillflashed by, he turned his face to the wall and sobbed like a child.... 

When Daphne made her appearance, amazingly beautiful as 'JehaneSaint-Pol, ' we climbed into the cars and slipped down the sober driveinto the fragrant dalliance of an April night. 

 * * * * *

The ball was over. 

It would have been a success any way, but from the moment that Berryhad, upon arrival, been directed to the ladies' cloak-room, itsenduring fame had been assured. 

When, with my wife and sister, reluctant and protesting, upon eitherarm, he erupted into the ballroom, giggling excitedly and crying "Votesfor Women!" in a shrill treble, even the band broke down, so that themusic died an untimely and tuneless death. When he danced a Tango withme, wearing throughout an exalted expression of ineffable bliss andintroducing a bewildering variety of unexpected halts, crouchings andsaggings of the knees--when, in the midst of an interval, he cameflying to Daphne, calling her "Mother, " insisting that he had beeninsulted, demanding to be taken home forthwith, and finally burying hisface in her shoulder and bursting into tears--when, during supper, witha becoming diffidence, he took his stand upon a chair and said a fewwords about his nursing experiences in Mesopotamia and spoke withemotion of the happy hours he had spent as a Sergeant-Minor of theWomen Police--then it became manifest that my brother-in-law'sconstruction of the laws of hospitality had set up such a new record ofgenerosity as few, if any, of those present would ever see broken. 

"... Oh, and the flies, you know. The way they flew. Oh, it wasdreadful. And, of course, no lipstick would stick. My dears, I wassimply terrified to look in the biscuit box. And then we had to washin bits--so embarrassing. Talk about divisional reserve.... And theywere so strict with it all. Only ten little minutes late on parade, and you got it where auntie wore the gew-gaws. I lost my temper once. To be sworn at like a golf-sphere, just because one day I couldn't findmy _Poudre d'Amour_.... And, when he'd quite finished, the Colonelasked me what powder was for. I just looked round and gave him some ofhis own back. 'To dam your pores with, ' I said.... "

It was past three o'clock before our departure was sped. 

Comfortably weary, we reached our own villa's door to make the grislydiscovery that no one had remembered the key.... 

There was no knocker: a feeble electric bell signalled out distress toa deserted basement: the servants were asleep upon the second floor. 

After we had all reviled Berry and, in return, been denounced as 'agang of mut-jawed smoke-stacks, ' accused of 'blasphemy' and compared to'jackals and vultures about a weary bull, ' we began to shout and throwstones at the second-floor windows. Perhaps because their shutterswere closed, our labour was lost. 

To complete our disgust, for some mysterious reason Nobby refused tobark and so sound the alarm. In the ordinary way the Sealyham was usedto give tongue--whatever the hour and no matter what indignation hemight excite--upon the slightest provocation. This morning weperambulated the curtilage of the villa, alternately yelling likedemoniacs and mewing like cats, without the slightest result. 

Eventually it was decided that one of us must effect an entrance byclimbing on to the balcony of my sister's room.... 

Jonah had a game leg: the inflexibility of my pantaloons put anyacrobatics out of the question: Berry's action, at any rate, was morethan usually unrestricted. Moreover, it was Berry whom we had expectedto produce the key. 

It became necessary to elaborate these simple facts, and to indicatemost definitely the moral which they were pointing, before mybrother-in-law was able to grasp the one or to appreciate the other. And when it had been, as they say, borne in upon him that he was forthe high jump, another ten minutes were wasted while he made one final, frantic, solitary endeavour to attract the servants' attention. Hisfeminine personality discarded, he raved about the house, barking, screeching and braying to beat the band; he thundered upon the doorwith his fists; he flung much of the drive in the direction of thesecond floor. Finally, when we were weak with laughter, he sat downupon the steps, expressed his great satisfaction at the reception ofhis efforts to amuse, and assured us that his death-agony, which weshould shortly witness, would be still more diverting. 

By now it was a quarter to four, and, so soon as Jonah and I couldcontrol our emotion, we took our deliverer by the arms and showed him'the best way up. '

He listened attentively. 

At length--

"Thanks very much, " he said weakly. "Let's just go over it again, shall I? Just to be sure I've got it cold. First, I swarm up thatpillar. Good. I may say I never have swarmed. I never knew anybodydid swarm, except bees or people coming out of a football match. Nevermind. Then I get hold of the gutter and draw myself up with my hands, while continuing to swarm with my legs. If--if the gutter will standmy weight.... Of course, that's easily ascertained. I just try it. If it will, it does. If it won't, I should like a penny-in-the-slotmachine erected in my memory outside the English Club. Yes, I've gotthat. Well, if it will, I work--I think you said 'work'--round until Ican reach the down-pipe. The drain--down-pipe will enable me to get myfeet into the gutter. Sounds all right, doesn't it? 'The drain-pipewill enable. ' A cryptic phrase. Quite the Brigade-Office touch. Where were we? Oh, yes. The drain-pipe having enabled me, etc. , Ijust fall forward on to the tiles, when my hands will encounter andgrasp the balustrade. Then I climb over and pat Nobby. Yes, exceptfor the cesspool--I mean the drain-pipe--interlude, it's too easy. "

We helped him off with his coat.... 

We watched his reduction of the pillar with trembling lips; we heardhis commentary upon gutters and those who make them with shakingshoulders; but it was when, with one foot in the air and the otherwedged behind the down-pipe, the English Rose spoke of the uncertaintyof life and inquired if we believed in Hell--when, after an exhaustingand finally successful effort to get his left knee into the gutter, hefirst knelt upon a spare tile to his wounding and then found that hisright foot was inextricably wedged between the down-pipe and thewall--when, as a result of his struggles, a section of the down-pipecame away in his hand, so that he was left clinging to the gutter withone foot in the air and twelve feet of piping swaying in his arms--thenour control gave way and we let ourselves run before a tempest ofHomeric laughter. We clasped one another; we leaned against walls; westamped upon the ground; we fought for breath; tears streamed from oureyes. All the time, in a loud militant voice, Berry spoke of buildingand architects and mountain goats, of France and of the French, ofincitement to suicide, of inquests and the law, of skunks and leprosy, and finally of his descent.... 

When we told him tearfully to drop, he let out the laugh of a maniac. 

"Yes, " he said uncertainly. "To tell you hell-hounds the truth, thatsolution had already occurred to me. It's been occurring to me vividlyever since I began. But I'm against it. It isn't that I'm afraid, butI want something more difficult. Oh, and don't say, 'Work round thegutter, ' first, because it's bad English, and, secondly, because no manborn of woman could 'work round' this razor-edged conduit with ahundredweight of drain-pipe round his neck. What I want is a definiteinstruction which is neither murderous nor futile. Burn it, you handedme enough slush when I was rising. Why the hell can't you slobber outsomething to help me down?"

By the time his descent was accomplished, it was past fouro'clock--summer time--and there was a pale cast about the sweetmoonlight that told of the coming of another dawn. 

"I say, " said Jill suddenly, "don't let's go to bed. "

"No, don't let's, " said Berry, with a hysterical laugh. "Let's--let'sabsolutely refuse. "

Jill went on breathlessly--

"Let's go for a run towards Lourdes and see the sun rise over themountains. "

Our first impulse was to denounce the idea. Upon examination, however, its hidden value emerged. 

We were sick and tired of trying to wake the servants; to effect anentrance was seemingly out of the question; to spend another two hourswandering about the garden or wooing slumber in the cars was not at allto our liking. 

Finally, we decided that, since we should be back before the worldproper was astir, our appearance, if it was noticed at all, would butafford a few peasants an experience which they could relate with relishfor many years, and that, since the sky was cloudless, so convenient anoccasion of observing a very famous effect should not be rejected. 

Five minutes later Ping and Pong slid silently under the Pont Oscar II. And so down a winding hill, out of the sleeping town and on to theBizanos road. 

Our headlights were powerful, the road was not too bad, and the worldwas empty... 

I let Jonah, who was leading, get well away, and then gave the car herhead. 

Well as we knew it, our way seemed unfamiliar. 

We saw the countryside as through a glass darkly. A shadowy file ofpoplars, a grey promise of meadowland, a sable thicket, far in thedistance a great blurred mass rearing a sombre head, a chain of silentvillages seemingly twined about our road, and once in a long while thebroad, brave flash of laughing water--these and their ghostly like madeup our changing neighbourhood. Then came a link in the chain that evenWizard Night could not transfigure--sweet, storied Coarraze, fencingour way with its peculiar pride of church and state; three miles ahead, hoary Bétharram, defender of the faith, lent us its famous bridge--atthe toll of a break-neck turn, of which no manner of moonshine cancheat the memory. 

We were nearing Lourdes now, but there was no sign of Jonah. I beganto wonder whether my cousin was faring farther afield.... 

It was so. 

Lourdes is a gate-house of the Pyrenees; it was clear that my sisterand cousins had threaded its echoing porch. Their way was good enoughfor us. We swung to the right, dived into and out of the sleepingtown, and flung up the pale, thin road that heads for Spain.... 

It was when we had slipped through Argelès, and Jonah was still beforeus, that we knew that if we would catch him we must climb to Gavarnie. 

The daylight was waxing now, and when we came to Pierrefitte I switchedoff the lights. 

There is a gorge in the mountains some seven miles long. It is, Ithink, Nature's boudoir. Its tall, steep walls are hung withfoliage--a trembling, precious arras, which spring will so emblazonwith her spruce heraldry that every blowing rod breathes a refreshingmadrigal. Its floor is a busy torrent--fretting its everlasting way bywet, grey rocks, the vivid green of ferns, and now and again a littlepatch of greensward--a tender lawn for baby elves to play on. Here isa green shelf, ladies, stuck all with cowslips; and there, another--radiant with peering daffodils. In this recess sweet violetsgrow. Look at that royal gallery; it is fraught with crocuses--ladenwith purple and gold. Gentians and buttercups, too, have their ownnurseries. But one thing more--this gorge is full of fountains. Theyare its especial glory. All the beauty in the world of falling wateris here exhibited. Tremendous falls go thundering: long, slendertresses of water plunge from a dizzy height, lose by the way theirsymmetry, presently vanish into sparkling smoke; cascades, with adelicate flourish, leap from ledge to ledge; stout heads of crystalwell bubbling out of Earth; elegant springs flash musically into theirbrimming basins of the living rock. The mistress of this shining courtis very beautiful. A bank is overhanging a little bow-shaped dell, asthe eaves of an old house lean out to shelter half a pavement. Aseaves, too, are thatched, so the brown bank is clad with emerald moss. From the edge of the moss dangles a silver fringe. Each gleaming, twisted cord of it hangs separate and distinct, save when a breath ofwind plaits two or three into a transient tassel. The fringe is thewaterfall. 

Enchanted with such a fairyland, we lingered so long over our passagethat we only reached Gavarnie with a handful of moments to spare. 

As we had expected, here were the others, a little apart from the car, their eyes lifted to the ethereal terraces of the majestic Cirque. 

The East was afire with splendour. All the blue dome of sky wasblushing. Only the Earth was dull. 

Suddenly the topmost turret of the frozen battlements burst into rosyflame.... 

One by tremendous one we saw the high places of the world suffer theirKing's salute. Little wonder that, witnessing so sublime a ceremony, we forgot all Time.... 

The sudden clack of shutters flung back against a wall brought us toearth with a jar. 

We turned in the direction of the noise. 

From the window of a cottage some seventy paces away a woman wasregarding us steadily.... 

We re-entered the cars with more precipitation than dignity. 

A glance at the clock in the dashboard made my heart sink. 

A quarter past six--summer time. 

It was clear that Gavarnie was lazy. Argelès, Lourdes, and the restmust be already bustling. Long ere we could reach Pau, the business oftown and country would be in full swing.... 

The same reflection, I imagine, had bitten Jonah, for, as I let in theclutch, Ping swept past us and whipped into the village with a lowsnarl. 

Fast as we went, we never saw him again that memorable morning. Jonahmust have gone like the wind. 

As for us, we wasted no time. 

We leapt through the village, dropped down the curling pass, snarledthrough Saint-Sauveur, left Luz staring, and sailed into Argelès as itwas striking seven. 

From Argelès to Lourdes is over eight miles. It was when we hadcovered exactly four of these in six minutes that the engine stuttered, sighed, and then just fainted away. 

We had run out of petrol. 

This was annoying, but not a serious matter, for there was a can on thestep. The two gallons it was containing would easily bring us to Pau. 

What was much more annoying and of considerable moment was that thecan, when examined, proved to be dry as a bone. 

After a moment's consideration of the unsavoury prospect, so suddenlyunveiled, I straightened my back, pushed my ridiculous hat to the napeof my neck, and took out a cigarette-case. 

Adèle and Berry stared. 

"That's right, " said the latter bitterly. "Take your blinking time. Why don't you sit down on the bank and put your feet up?"

I felt for a match. 

Finger to lip, Adèle leaned forward. 

"For Heaven's sake, " she cried, "don't say there's none in the can!"

"My darling, " said I, "you've spoken the naked truth. "

There was a long silence. The gush of a neighbouring spring wassuggesting a simple peace we could not share. 

Suddenly--

"Help!" shrieked the English Rose. "Help! I'm being compromised. "

So soon as we could induce him to hold his tongue, a council was held. 

Presently it was decided that I must return to Argelès, if possible, procure a car, and bring some petrol back as fast as I could. Alreadythe day was growing extremely hot, and, unless I encountered a driverwho would give me a lift, it seemed unlikely that I should be backwithin an hour and a half. 

We had, of course, no hope of salvation. Help that arrived now wouldbe too late. Lourdes would be teeming. The trivial round of Pau wouldbe in full blast. The possible passage of another car would spareus--me particularly--some ignominy, but that was all. 

It was arranged that, should a car appear after I had passed out ofsight, the driver should be accosted, haply deprived of petrol, andcertainly dispatched in my pursuit. 

Finally we closed Pong, and, feeling extremely self-conscious andunpleasantly hot, I buttoned my overcoat about me and set out forArgelès. 

The memory of that walk will stay with me till I die. 

If, a few hours before, I had been satisfied that 'Incroyables' seldomsat down, I was soon in possession of most convincing evidence that, come what might, they never did more than stroll. The pantaloons, indeed, curtailed every pace I took. It also became painfully obviousthat their 'foot-joy' was intended for use only upon tiled pavements orparquet, and since the surface of the road to Argelès was bearing acloser resemblance to the bed of a torrent, I suffered accordingly. What service their headgear in any conceivable circumstances could haverendered, I cannot pretend to say. As a protection from the rays ofthe sun, it was singularly futile.... 

Had I been wearing flannels, I should have been sweltering in a quarterof an hour. Dressed as I was, I was streaming with honest sweat inless than five minutes.... Before I had covered half a mile I tore offmy overcoat and flung it behind a wall. 

My reception at the first hamlet I reached was hardly promising. 

The honour of appreciating my presence before anyone else fell to apair of bullocks attached to a wain piled high with wood and proceedingslowly in the direction of Lourdes. 

Had they perceived an apparition shaking a bloody goad, they could nothave acted with more concerted or devastating rapidity. 

In the twinkling of an eye they had made a complete _volte-face_, thewaggon was lying on its side across the fairway, and its burden of logshad been distributed with a dull crash upon about a square perch ofcobbles. 

Had I announced my coming by tuck of drum, I could not have attractedmore instant and faithful attention. 

Before the explosion of agony with which the driver--till then walking, as usual, some thirty paces in rear--had greeted the catastrophe, hadturned into a roaring torrent of abuse, every man, woman, and childwithin earshot came clattering upon the scene. 

For a moment, standing to one side beneath the shelter of a flight ofsteps, I escaped notice. It was at least appropriate that the lucklesswaggoner should have been the first to perceive me.... 

At the actual moment of observation he was at once indicating thedisposition of his wood with a gesture charged with the savage despairof a barbaric age and letting out a screech which threatened to curdlethe blood. 

The gesture collapsed. The screech died on his lips. 

With dropped jaw and bulging eyes, the fellow backed to the wall.... When I stepped forward, he put the waggon between us. 

I never remember so poignant a silence. 

Beneath the merciless scrutiny of those forty pairs of eyes I seemed totouch the very bottom of abashment. 

Then I lifted my ridiculous hat and cleared my throat. 

"Good day, " I said cheerfully, speaking in French. "I'm on my way backfrom a ball--a fancy-dress ball--and my car has run out of petrol. Iwant to hire a cart to go to Argelès. "

If I had said I wanted to hire a steam-yacht, my simple statement couldnot have been more apathetically received.... 

Happily, for some unobvious reason, no one seemed to associate me withthe bullocks' waywardness, but it took me ten minutes' cajolery toelicit the address of a peasant who might hire me a cart. 

At last I was told his lodging and pointed the way. 

Such direction proved supererogatory, first, because we all moved offtogether, and, secondly, because it subsequently transpired that thegentleman whom I was seeking was already present. But that is France. 

Upon arrival at his house my friend stepped out of the ruck and, withthe utmost composure, asked if it was true that I was desiring to bedriven to Argelès. Controlling my indignation, I replied with equalgravity that such was my urgent ambition. Taking a wrist-watch from mypocket, I added that upon reaching a garage at Argelès, I would deductthe time we had taken from half an hour and cheerfully give him a francfor every minute that was left. 

I can only suppose that so novel a method of payment aroused hissuspicion. 

Be that as it may, with an apologetic bow, the fellow requested to seethe colour of my money. 

Then and then only did I remember that I had not a brass farthing uponmy person. 

What was worse, I felt pretty sure that Adèle and Berry were equallypenniless... 

My exit from that village I try to forget. 

I found that the waters of humiliation were deeper than I could havebelieved. They seemed, in fact, bottomless. 

It is, perhaps, unnecessary to say that I returned by the way I hadcome. I had had enough of the road to Argelès. My one idea was torejoin Adèle and Berry and to sit down in the car. Mentally andphysically I was weary to death. I craved to set my back against thebuttress of company in this misfortune, and I was mad to sit down. Compared with standing any longer upon my feet, the contingency ofdislocation became positively attractive.... 

The first thing that met my eyes, as I limped round the last of thebends, was the bonnet of a dilapidated touring car. 

I could have thrown up my rotten hat. 

A few feet further from Lourdes than Pong himself was an aged greyFrench car. Standing in the white road between the two was a strappingfigure in pale pink georgette and a large Leghorn hat, apparentlyarguing with three blue-covered mechanics. From Pong's off-side windowthe conical hat and extravagant ruff of 'Pierrette' were protrudingexcitedly. 

My companions' relief to see me again was unfeigned. 

As I came up, Adèle gave a whimper of delight, and a moment later shewas pouring her tale into my ears. 

"You hadn't been gone long when these people came by. We stopped them, of course, and----"

"One moment, " said I. "Have they got any petrol?"

"Listen, " said Berry. "Four _bidons_ of what they had are in our tank. It was when they were in, that we found we hadn't a bean. That didn'tmatter. The gents were perfectly happy to take my address. A pencilwas produced--we had nothing, of course--and I started to write it alldown on the edge of yesterday's _Le Temps_. They all looked over myshoulder. As I was writing, I _felt_ their manner change. I stoppedand looked round. _The fools were staring at me as if I were risenfrom the dead_. That mayn't surprise you, but it did me, because we'dgot through that phase. For a moment we looked at one another. Thenone picked up the paper and took off his hat. 'It is unnecessary, ' hesaid, 'for _Monsieur_ to give us his name. We know it perfectly. ' Theothers nodded agreement. I tell you, I thought they'd gone mad.... "

He pushed his hat back from his eyes and sat down on the step. 

"But--but what's the trouble?" I gasped. 

Berry threw out his hands. 

"Haven't you got it?" he said. "_They think I'm Sycamore Tight. _"

 * * * * *

I soon perceived the vanity of argument. 

With my brother-in-law in the hand and fifty thousand francs in thebush, the three mechanics were inexorable. 

They accepted my statements; they saw my point of view; they uncovered;they bowed; they laughed when I laughed; they admitted the possibility, nay, likelihood of a mistake; they deplored the inconvenience we weresuffering. But, politely and firmly, they insisted that Berry shouldenter their car and accompany them to Lourdes. 

That this their demand should be met was not to be thought of. 

Adèle and I could not desert Berry; from the police at Lourdes nothingwas to be expected but suspicion, hostility, and maddeningly officiousdelays; Berry's eventual release would only be obtained at a cost ofsuch publicity as made my head swim. 

Any idea of force was out of the question. But for the presence of mywife, we would have done what we could. With Adèle in our care, however, we could not afford to fail, and--they were three to two. 

I racked my brain desperately.... 

Presently one of the trio lugged out a watch. When he showed hisfellows the hour, they flung up their arms. A moment later they wereclearing for action. 

_Le Temps_ was carefully folded and stuffed out of sight. Berry wasinformed, with a bow, that, so soon as their car was turned round, theywould be ready to leave. The slightest of the three stepped to thestarting-handle... 

The next moment, with a deafening roar, their engine was under way. 

I was standing with my hand upon our off hind wing, and as the driverran to his throttle, I felt a steady tremor. 

_Under cover of the other car's roar, Adèle had started Pong's engine_. 

What was a great deal more, _she had given me my cue_. 

I thought like lightning. 

There was not a moment to lose. Already the driver was in his seat andfumbling with his gear-lever.... 

As slowly as I dared, I strolled to the off-side door. 

Adèle's and my eyes met. 

"When you hear me say, 'Look', " I said. 

With the faintest smile, 'Pierrette' stared through the wind-screen.... 

I returned to the rear of the car. 

The way we were using was narrow, but fifty paces away in the directionof Argelès was a track which left our road to lead to a farm. For thisspot the driver was making. There he would be able to turn with theacme of ease. 

His two companions were standing close to Berry. 

As luck would have it, the latter was standing with his back to ourcar, perhaps a foot from the tail-lamp. 

Not one of the three, I fancy, had any idea that our engine was running. 

I addressed the mechanics in French. 

"I have been talking with _Madame_, and, tired as she is, she agreesthat it will be best if we follow you to Lourdes. Please don't go toofast when you get to the town, or we shall lose our way. "

As they assured me of their service, I turned to Berry, as though totranslate what I had said. 

"There are two steps to the dickey. The lower one is two paces to yourright and one to your rear. It is not meant for a seat, but it willdo. Throw your arm round the spare wheels and sit tight. "

Berry shrugged his shoulders. 

A glance up the road showed me the other car being turned into thetrack. 

I crossed to the near side of Pong and stooped as though to examine theexhaust. The two mechanics were watching me.... 

With the tail of my eye I saw Berry glance behind him, sink down uponthe step, drop his head miserably into the crook of his arm, and setthat arm upon the spare wheels. 

Suddenly I straightened my back, glanced past the two warders, andflung out a pointing arm. 

"_Look!_" I shouted, and stepped on to the running-board. 

As I spoke, Adèle let in the clutch.... 

It was really too easy. 

By the time our two friends had decided to turn and inquire what hadexcited my remark, we were ten paces away and gathering speed... 

Of course they ran after us, yelling like men possessed. 

That was but human. 

Then they recovered their wits and raced for their car. 

I cried to Berry to sit tight, and opened the door.... 

"Is he on?" said Adèle, as I took my seat by her side. 

I nodded. 

"As soon as we're far enough on, we must take him inside. He ought tobe safe enough, but I'll bet he's blessing his petticoats. As for you, sweetheart, I don't know which is the finer--your nerve or your wit. "

A cool hand stole into mine. 

Then--

"But we're not there yet, " said Adèle. 

This was unhappily true. 

Pong was the faster car, and Adèle was already going the deuce of apace. But there was traffic to come, and two level crossings laybetween us and Lourdes. 

I turned and looked out of the glass in the back of the hood. TheEnglish Rose had thrust herself inelegantly on to the petrol tank. Herright foot was jammed against a wing, so that her shapely leg acted asa brace: her arms clasped the two spare wheels convulsively: her headwas thrown back, and her lips were moving.... Of our pursuers therewas no sign. That moment we had rounded a bend, but when a momentlater we rounded another they were still out of sight. 

I began to wonder whether it was safe to stop and take Berry inboard.... 

Then the Klaxon belched, and a cry from Adèle made me turn. 

Two hundred yards ahead was a flock of sheep--all over the road. 

We had to slow down to a pace which jabbed at my nerves. 

I did not know what to do. 

I did not know whether to seize the chance and take Berry inside, orwhether to put the obstacle between Pong and the terror behind, and Ifelt I must look at the sheep. 

The speedometer dropped to twenty ... To fifteen ... To ten.... 

Then the tires tore at the road, and we practically stopped. 

Adèle changed into second speed. 

I opened the door instantly, only to see that to collect Berry now wasout of the question. The sheep were all round us--like aflood--lapping our sides. 

Adèle changed into first. 

I was physically afraid to look behind. 

The next moment we were through. 

We stormed round a curve to see a level crossing a quarter of a mileahead. 

_The gates were shut_. 

Adèle gave a cry of despair. 

"Oh, Boy, we're done!"

"Not yet, " said I, opening the door again. "Go right up to them, lass. At least, it'll give us a chance to get Berry inside. "

We stopped with a jerk three feet from the rails. 

As I ran for the gate, I glanced over my shoulder. 

"Now's your chance!" I shouted. "Get... "

I never completed the sentence. 

_The English Rose was gone_. 

I stopped still in my tracks. 

Then I rushed back to the car. 

"He's gone!" I cried. "We've dropped him! Quick! Reverse up the waywe've come, for all you're worth. "

Adèle backed the car with the speed and skill of a professional. Istood on the running-board, straining my eyes.... 

The next moment a dilapidated touring car tore round the bend we wereapproaching and leapt towards us. 

It passed us with locked wheels, rocking to glory. 

At a nod from me, Adèle threw out the clutch... 

As the mechanics came up--

"I'm sorry, _Messieurs_, " I said, "but I fear you've passed him. No, he's not here. Pray look in the car.... Quite satisfied? Good. Yes, we dropped him a long way back. We thought it wiser. "

With that I wished them 'Good day, ' and climbed into our car. 

"But what shall we do?" said Adèle. 

"Get home, " said I, "as quick as ever we can. So long as we stayhereabouts, those fellows'll stick to us like glue. We must go and gethelp and come back. Berry'll hide somewhere where he can watch theroad. "

As we passed over the level crossing, I looked behind. 

The dilapidated grey car was being turned round feverishly. 

 * * * * *

Forty-five minutes later we sped up the shadowy drive and stopped byour own front door. 

'Pierrette' switched off the engine and sat looking miserably beforeher. 

"I wish, " she said slowly, "I wish you'd let me go with you. I didhate leaving him so, and I'd feel----"

With a hand on the door, I touched her pale cheek. 

"My darling, " said I, "you've done more than your bit--far more, andyou're going straight to bed. As for leaving him--well, you know howmuch I liked it, but I know when I'm done. "

 "_'Tis the last rose of summer, Left blooming alone.... _"

Delivered with obvious emotion in a muffled baritone voice, Moore'sfamous words seemed to come from beneath us. 

Adèle and I stared at one another with starting eyes.... 

Then I fell out of the car and clawed at the flap of the dickey.... 

My hands were trembling, but I had it open at last. 

Her head pillowed upon a spare tube, the ruin of 'An English Rose'regarded me coyly. 

"I think you might have knocked, " she said, simpering. "Supposing I'dbeen _en deshabille_!"

CHAPTER XII

HOW A TELEGRAM CAME FOR JILL, PIERS DEMANDED HIS SWEETHEART, AND IDROVE AFTER MY WIFE

_Rome. _

_My darling Jill, _

_It's all finished now, and I can start for Paris to-morrow. I muststay there one night, to sign some papers, and then I can leave forPau. And on next Sunday morning as ever is, we'll have breakfasttogether. Perhaps---- No, I won't say it. Any way, Sunday morning atlatest. Everyone's been awfully kind, and--you'll never guess what'scoming--Cousin Leslie's turned out a white man. He's the one, youknow, who brought the suit. The day I got back from Irikli I got anote from him, saying that, while he couldn't pretend he wasn't sorryhe'd lost his case, he knew how to take a beating, and, now that it wasall over, couldn't we be friends, and asking me to come and dine withhim and his wife at the Grand Hotel. Old Vissochi didn't want me togo, and kept quoting something out of Virgil about 'fearing theGreeks, ' but, of course, I insisted. And I am so glad I did. Leslieand his wife were simply splendid. Nobody could have been nicer, andconsidering that, if he'd won, he'd 've had the title, estates, moneyand everything, I think it speaks jolly well for them both. They'vegot two ripping little boys, and they were frightfully interested tohear about you. They'd no idea, of course, but I just had to tellthem. They were so astonished at first they could hardly speak. Andthen Mrs. Trunk picked up her glass and cried out, "Hurray, Hurray, "and they both drank to us both, and everybody was staring, and Lesliegot quite red with embarrassment at their having made such a scene. Then they made me tell them what you looked like, and I did my best, and they laughed and said I was caking it on, so I showed them yourphotograph. And then Mrs. Trunk made me show her a letter of yours, and told your character from your handwriting, and we had a great time. Oh, Jill, I'm longing for you to see Irikli. Of course I love Rome, but I think we'll have to be at Como a lot. Father always liked it thebest, and I think you will. It's so lovely, it makes you want toshout. It only wants a princess with golden hair to make it fairyland, and now it's going to have one. Oh, my darling, I'm just living to seeyour beautiful face again and your great grave grey eyes. Jill, haveyou any idea what wonderful eyes you've got? I say, we are going to behappy, aren't we? So happy, we shan't have time for anything else. But I can't wear a body-belt, dear. Not after this. I promised Iwould till I came back, but I'm almost melted. I don't think Jonah canbe right. Any way, I'll bet he doesn't wear one. _

 _Your very loving PIERS. _

My cousin showed us the letter with the artless confidence of a child. 

Excepting herself, I don't think any one of us shared the writer'senthusiasm about Mr. Leslie Trunk. We quite agreed with SignerVissochi. It was hard to believe that the man who had instituted suchan iniquitous suit could so swiftly forgive the costly drubbing he hadreceived, or, as heir-presumptive to the dukedom, honestly welcome thenews of Piers' engagement. Sweetheart Jill, however, knew little ofleopards and their spots. Out of respect for such unconsciousness, weheld our peace. There was no hurry, and Piers could be tackled at ourconvenience.... 

The conversation turned to our impending departure from France. 

"I take it, " said Jonah, "that we go as we came. If we're going toParis for the Grand Prix, there's not much object in stopping therenow. In any event, it 'ld mean our going by train and sending the carsby sea. I'm not going to drive in Paris for anyone. I'm too old. "

After a little discussion, we decided that he was right. 

"Same route?" said Adèle. 

"I think so, " said Jonah. "Except that we miss Bordeaux and go byBergerac instead. "

"Is that shorter or longer?" said Berry. "Not that I really care, because I wouldn't visit Bordeaux a second time for any earthlyconsideration. I've seen a good many poisonous places in my time, butfor inducing the concentrated essence of depression, that moth-eatenspectre of bustling commerce has them, as the immortal B-B-B-Wordsworthsays, beat to a b-b-b-string-bag. "

"I don't seem to remember, " said Daphne, "that it was so awful. "

"It wasn't, " said I. "But the circumstances in which he visited itwere somewhat drab. Still, it's not an attractive town, and, as theother way's shorter and the road's about twice as good----"

"I'm glad it's shorter, " said Berry. "I want to get to Angoulême ingood time. "

"Why?" said Jill. 

Berry eyed her reproachfully. 

"Child, " he said, "is your gratitude so short-lived? Have you in sixslight months forgotten that at Angoulême we were given the very finestdinner that ever we ate? A meal without frills--nine tender courseslong? For which we paid the equivalent of rather less than fiveshillings a head?"

"Oh, I remember, " said Jill. "That was where they made us use the sameknife all through dinner. "

"And what, " demanded Berry, "of that? A conceit--a charming conceit. Thus was the glorious tradition of one course handed down to those thatfollowed after. I tell you, that for me the idea of another 'crowdedhour' in Angoulême goes far to ameliorate the unpleasant prospect oferupting into the middle of an English spring. "

"It's clear, " said I, "that you should do a gastronomic tour. Everydepartment of France has its particular dainty. With a reliable list, an almanac, and a motor ambulance, you could do wonders. "

My brother-in-law groaned. 

"It wouldn't work, " he said miserably. "It wouldn't work. They'dclash. When you were in Picardy, considering some _pâtés de Canards_, you'd get a wire from Savoy saying that the salmon trout were in thepink, and on the way there you'd get another from Gascony to say thatin twenty-four hours they wouldn't answer for the flavour of theortolans. "

"Talking of gluttony, " said Jonah, "if they don't bring lunch prettysoon, we shall be late. It's past one now, and the meeting's the otherside of Morlaas. First race, two-fifteen. "

I rose and strolled to the Club-house, to see the steward.... 

This day was the sixteenth of April, and Summer was coming in. Underour very eyes, plain, woods and foothills were putting on amain herlovely livery. We had played a full round of golf over a blowingvalley we hardly knew. Billowy emerald banks masked the familiarsparkle of the hurrying Gave; the fine brown lace of rising woods haddisappeared, and, in its stead, a broad hanging terrace of delicategreen stood up against the sky; from being a jolly counterpane, theplain of Billère itself had become a cheerful quilt; as for thefoot-hills, they were so monstrously tricked out with fine freshruffles and unexpected equipage of greenery, with a strange epauletupon that shoulder and a brand-new periwig upon that brow, that if highhills but hopped outside the Psalter you would have sworn the snowyPyrenees had found new equerries. 

Luncheon was served indoors. 

Throughout the winter the lawn before the Club-house had made adining-room. To-day, however, we were glad of the shade. 

"Does Piers know, " said Adèle, "that he's coming home with us?"

Jill shook her head. 

"Not yet. I meant to tell him in my last letter, but I forgot. " Sheturned to Daphne. "You don't think we could be married at once? I'msure Piers wouldn't mind, and I'd be so much easier. He does wantlooking after, you know. Fancy his wanting to leave off that beltthing. "

"Yes, just fancy, " said Berry. "Apart from the fact that it was apresent from you, it'd be indecent. "

"It isn't that, " said Jill. "But he might get an awful chill. "

"I know, " said Berry. "I know. That's my second point. Keep theabdominal wall quarter of an inch deep in lamb's wool, and in thehottest weather you'll never feel cold. Never mind. If he mentions itagain, we'll make its retention a term of the marriage settlement. "

Jill eyed him severely before proceeding. 

"It could be quite quiet, " she continued; "the wedding, I mean. At aregistry place----"

"Mrs. Hunt's, for instance, " said Berry. 

"--and then we could all go down to White Ladies together, and when hehas to go back to fix things up in Italy, I could go, too. "

"My darling, " said Daphne, "don't you want to be married from home? Inour own old church at Bilberry? For only one thing, if you weren't, Idon't think the village would ever get over it. "

Jill sighed. 

"When you talk like that, " she said, "I don't want to be married atall.... Yes, I do. I want Piers. I wouldn't be happy without him. But... If only he hadn't got four estates of his own, we might----"

"Five, " said Berry. Jill opened her big grey eyes. "Four now, and ashare in another upon his wedding day. "

Jill knitted her brow. 

"I never knew this, " she said. "What's the one he's going to have?"

Berry raised his eyebrows. 

"It's a place in Hampshire, " he said. "Not very far from Brooch. Theycall it White Ladies. "

The look which Jill gave us, as we acclaimed his words, came straightout of Paradise. 

"I do wish he could have heard you, " she said uncertainly. "I'll tellhim, of course. But it won't be the same. And my memory isn'tshort-lived really. I'd forgotten the Angoulême dinner, but I shan'tforget this lunch in a hundred years. "

"In another minute, " said Berry, "I shall imbrue this omelet withtears. Then it'll be too salt. " He seized his tumbler and raised itabove his head. "I give you Monsieur Roland. May he touch the groundin spots this afternoon. Five times he's lent me an 'unter-'oss out ofsheer good nature; his taste in cocktails is venerable; and whenever Isee him he asks when we're going to use his car. "

We drank the toast gladly. 

Roland was a good sportsman, and throughout the season at Pau he hadbeen more than friendly. He was to ride two races at the meeting thisafternoon. 

"And now, " said I, "get a move on. St. Jammes is ten miles off, andthe road is vile. If we'd got Roland's flier, it 'ld be one thing, butPing and Pong'll take their own time. "

My brother-in-law frowned. 

"Business first, " he said shortly. "Business first. I spoke to thesteward about the cutlets, and I won't have them rushed. And if that'sour Brie on the sideboard--well, I, too, am in a melting mood, and it'sjust asking for trouble. "

There was a fresh breeze quickening the air upon the uplands beyond oldMorlaas, to whip the flags into a steady flutter and now and againflick a dark tress of hair across Adèle's dear cheeks. 

As we scrambled across country--

"Why, oh, why, " she wailed, "did ever I let it grow? I'll have it cutagain to-morrow. I swear I will. "

"And what about me?" said I. "You're a joint tenant with me. Youcan't commit waste like that without my consent. "

"I'm sure I can abate--is that right?--a nuisance. "

"It's not a nuisance. It's a glory. When I wake up in the morning andsee it rippling all over the pillow, I plume myself upon my real andpersonal interest in such a beautiful estate. Then I start working outhow many lockets it 'ld fill, and that sends me to sleep again. "

"Does it really ripple?" said Adèle. "Or is that a poet's licence?"

"Rather, " said I. "Sometimes, if I'm half asleep, I feel quiteseasick. "

Adèle smiled thoughtfully. 

"In that case, " she announced, "I'll reconsider my decision. But Iwish to Heaven it 'ld ripple when I'm awake. "

"They're off!" cried Jonah. 

A sudden rush for the bank on which we were standing confirmed hisreport. We had much ado to escape being thrust into the deep lane thebank was walling. 

The lane was about a mile long, and so was the bank. The latter made afair "grand stand. " As such it was packed. Not only all the visitorsto Pau, but every single peasant for twenty miles about seemed to haverallied at St. Jammes to see the sport. The regular business of therace-course was conspicuously missing. Pleasure was strolling, cock ofan empty walk. For sheer bonhomie, the little meeting bade fair tothrow its elder brethren of the Hippodrome itself into the shadowydistance. 

Roland rode a fine race and won by a neck. 

We left the bank and walked up the lane to offer our congratulations. 

"Thank you. Thank you. But nex' year you will bring horses, eh? An'we will ride against one another. Yes? You shall keep them with me. I 'ave plenty of boxes, you know. An' on the day I will give yourhorse his breakfast, and he shall give me the race. That's right. An'when are you going to try my tank? I go away for a week, an' when Icome back yesterday, I ask my people, 'How has Captain Pleydell enjoyedthe car?' 'But he 'as not used it. ' 'No? Then that is because theMajor has broken her up?' 'No. He has not been near. ' I see now itis not good enough. I tell you I am hurt. I shall not ask you again. "

"Lunch with us to-morrow instead, " laughed Daphne

"I am sure that I will, " said Roland. 

After a little we sauntered back to our bank.... 

It was nearly a quarter to five by the time we were home. That wasearly enough, but the girls had grown tired of standing, and we hadseen Roland win twice. Jonah we had left to come in another car. Thiswas because he had found a brother-fisherman. When last we saw him, hehad a pipe in one hand, a lighted match in the other, and wasdiscussing casts.... 

Falcon met us at the door with a telegram addressed to 'Miss Mansel. '

The wording was short and to the point. 

_Have met with accident can you come Piers Paris. _

The next train to Paris left Pau in twelve minutes time. 

Adèle and a white-faced Jill caught it by the skin of their teeth. 

They had their tickets, the clothes they stood up in, a brace of vanitybags, and one hundred and forty-five francs. But that was all. It wasarranged feverishly upon the platform that Jonah and I should follow, with such of their effects as Daphne gave us, by the ten-thirty train. 

Then a horn brayed, I kissed Adèle's fingers, poor Jill threw me aghost of a smile, and their coach rolled slowly out of the station.... 

I returned to the car dazedly. 

Thinking it over, I decided that we had done the best we could. Onarrival at Bordeaux, my wife and cousin could join the Spanish express, which was due to leave that city at ten-fifteen; this, if it ran totime, would bring them to the French capital by seven o'clock the nextmorning. Jonah and I would arrive some five hours later.... 

The Bank was closed, of course, so I drove to the Club forthwith to getsome money. Jonah was not there, but, as he was certain to call, Ileft a note with the porter, telling him what had occurred. Then Ipurchased our tickets--a lengthy business. It was so lengthy, in fact, that when it was over I called again at the Club on the chance ofpicking up Jonah and bringing him home. He had not arrived.... 

I made my way back to the villa dismally enough. 

My sister and Berry were in the drawing-room. 

As I opened the door--

"Wherever have you been?" said Daphne. "Did they catch it?"

I nodded. 

"You haven't seen Jonah, I suppose?"

I shook my head. 

"But where have you been, Boy?"

I spread out my hands. 

"Getting money and tickets. You know their idea of haste. But there'splenty of time--worse luck, " I added bitterly. Then: "I say, what adreadful business!" I sank into a chair. "What on earth can havehappened?"

Berry rose and walked to a window. 

"Jill's face, " he said slowly. "Jill's face. " He swung round andflung out an arm. "She looked old!" he cried. "Jill--that baby lookedold. She thought it was a wire to say he was on his way, and it hither between the eyes like the kick of a horse. "

Shrunk into a corner of her chair, my sister stared dully before her. 

"He must be bad, " said I. "Unless he was bad, he 'ld never have wiredlike that. If Piers could have done it, I'm sure he 'ld have temperedthe wind. "

"'Can you come?'" quoted Berry, and threw up his arms. 

Daphne began to cry quietly.... 

A glance at the tea-things showed me that these were untouched. I rangthe bell, and pleasantly fresh tea was brought. I made my sisterdrink, and poured some for Berry and me. The stimulant did us allgood. By common consent, we thrust speculation aside and made whatarrangements we could. That our plans for returning to England wouldnow miscarry seemed highly probable. 

At last my sister sighed and lay back in her chair. 

"Why?" she said quietly. "Why? What has Jill done to earn this? Oh, I know it's no good questioning Fate, but it's--it's rather hard. "

I stepped to her side and took her hand in mine. 

"My darling, " I said, "don't let's make the worst of a bad business. The going's heavy, I know, but it's idle to curse the jumps beforewe've seen them. Piers didn't send that wire himself. That goeswithout saying. He probably never worded it. I know that's as broadas it's long, but, when you come to think, there's really no reason onearth why it should be anything more than a broken leg. "

There was a dubious silence. 

At length--

"Boy's perfectly right, " said Berry. "Jill's scared stiff--naturally. As for us, we're rattled--without good reason at all. For all weknow.... "

He broke off to listen.... The front door closed with a crash. 

"Jonah, " said I. "He's had my note, and----"

It was not Jonah. 

It was Piers, Duke of Padua, who burst into the room, lookingextraordinarily healthy and very much out of breath. 

We stared at him, speechless. 

For a moment he stood smiling. Then he swept Daphne a bow. 

"Paris to Pau by air, " he said, "in four and a quarter hours. Think ofit. Clean across France in a bit of an afternoon. You'll all _have_to do it: it's simply glorious. " He crossed to my sister's side andkissed her hand. "Don't look so surprised, " he said, laughing. "Itreally is me. I didn't dare to wire, in case we broke down on the way. And now where's Jill?"

We continued to stare at him in silence. 

 * * * * *

It was Berry--some ten minutes later--who hit the right nail on thehead. 

"By George!" he shouted. "By George! I've got it in one. _The fellowwho sent that wire was Leslie Trunk_. "

"_Leslie?_" cried Piers. "But why----"

"Who knows? But your cousin's a desperate man, and Jill's in his way. So are you--more still, but, short of murder itself, to touch you won'thelp his case. With Jill in his hands.... Well, for one thing only, Itake it you'd pay pretty high for her--her health. "

Piers went very white. 

For myself, I strove to keep my brain steady, but the thought ofAdèle--my wife, in the power of the dog, would thrust itself, grinninghorribly, into the foreground of my imagination. 

I heard somebody say that the hour was a quarter past seven. I had mywatch in my hand, so I knew they were right. Vainly they repeatedtheir statement, unconsciously voicing my thoughts.... 

Only when Daphne fell on her knees by my side did I realise that I wasthe speaker. 

Berry and Piers were at the telephone. 

I heard them. 

"Ask for the Bordeaux Exchange. Burn it, why can't I talk French? Doas I say, lad. Don't argue. Ask for the Bordeaux Exchange. Insistthat it's urgent--a matter of life and death. "

Piers began to speak--shakily. 

"Yes. The Bordeaux Exchange.... It's most urgent, _Mademoiselle_.... A matter of life and death.... Yes, yes. The Exchange itself.... What? My God! But, _Mademoiselle_----"

A sudden rude thresh of the bell announced that his call was over. 

Berry fell upon the instrument with an oath. 

"It's no good!" cried Piers. "It's no good. She says the line toBordeaux is out of order. "

My sister lifted her head and looked into my face. 

"Can you do it by car?" she said. 

I pulled myself together and thought very fast. 

"We can try, " I said, rising, "but---- Oh, it's a hopeless chance. Only three hours--_less than_ three hours for a hundred and fiftymiles. It can't be done. We'd have to do over seventy most of theway, and you can't beat a pace like that out of Ping and Pong. On thetrack, perhaps.... But on the open road----"

The soft slush of tires upon the drive cut short my sentence. 

"Jonah, at last, " breathed Daphne. 

We ran to the window. 

It was not Jonah. 

It was Roland. 

So soon as he saw us, he stopped and threw out his clutch. 

"I say, you know, I am mos' distress' about your lunch to-morrow. Whenyou ask me----"

"Roland, " I cried, "Roland, will you lend me your car?"

"But 'ave I not said----"

"Now--at once--here--to drive to Bordeaux?"

Roland looked up at my face. 

The next moment he was out of his seat. 

"Yes, but I am not going with you, " he said. Then: "What is thematter? Never mind. You will tell me after. The lights are good, andshe is full up with gasolene. I tell you, you will be there in threehours. "

"Make it two and three-quarters, " said I. 

 * * * * *

The day's traffic had dwindled to a handful of home-going gigs, and aswe swung out of the _Rue Montpensier_ and on to the Bordeaux road, adistant solitary tram was the only vehicle within sight. 

I settled down in my seat.... 

A moment later we had passed the _Octroi_, and Pau was behind us. 

Piers crouched beside me as though he were carved of stone. Once in awhile his eyes would fall from the road to the instrument-board. Except for that regular movement, he gave no sign of life. As forBerry, sunk, papoose-like, in the chauffeur's cockpit in rear, I hopedthat his airman's cap would stand him in stead.... 

The light was good, and would serve us for half an hour. The car waspulling like the mares of Diomedes. As we flung by the last of thevillas, I gave her her head.... 

Instantly the long straight road presented a bend, and I eased her upwith a frown. We took the corner at fifty, the car holding the road asthough this were banked for speed. As we flashed by the desolaterace-course and the ground on which Piers had alighted two hoursbefore, I lifted a grateful head. It was clear that what corners wemet could be counted out. With such a grip of the road and suchacceleration, the time which anything short of a hairpin bend wouldcost us was almost negligible. 

As if annoyed at my finding, the road for the next five miles ranstraight as a die. For over three of those miles the lady whose lap wesat in was moving at eighty-four. 

A hill appeared--a long, long hill, steep, straight, yellow--tearingtowards us.... We climbed with the rush of a lift--too fast for ourstomachs. 

The road was improving now, but, as if to cancel this, a steep, windinghill fell into a sudden valley. As we were dropping, I saw itsgrey-brown fellow upon the opposite side, dragging his tedious way tothe height we had left. 

We lost time badly here, for down on the flat of the dale a giant lorrywas turning, while a waggon was creeping by. For a quarter of aprecious minute the road was entirely blocked. Because of the comingascent the check hit us hard. In a word, it made a mountain out of amolehill. What the car might have swallowed whole she had tomasticate. She ate her way up the rise, snorting with indignation.... 

A mile (or a minute, Sirs, whichever you please) was all the grace shehad to find her temper. Then the deuce of a hill swerved down to thefoot of another--long, blind, sinuous. The road was writhing like aserpent. We used it as serpents should be used. Maybe it bruised ourheels: we bruised its head savagely.... 

We were on the level now, and the way was straight again. A dot aheadwas a waggon. I wondered which way it was going. I saw, and we passedit by in the same single moment of time. That I may not be thoughtinobservant, forty-five yards a second is a pace which embarrassessight. 

A car came flying towards us. At the last I remarked with a smile itwas going our way. A flash of paint, a smack like the flap of a sail, and we were by. 

A farm was coming. I saw the white of its walls swelling to ells frominches. I saw a hen, who had seen us, starting to cross our path. Simultaneously I lamented her death--needlessly. She misseddestruction by yards. I found myself wondering whether, after all, shehad held on her way. Presently I decided that she had and, anxious toretrace her steps, had probably awaited our passage in someannoyance.... 

We swam up another hill, flicked between two waggons, slashed a villagein half and tore up the open road. 

The daylight was waning now, and Piers switched on the hooded lightthat illumined the instrument-board. With a frown I collected my ladyfor one last tremendous effort before the darkness fell. 

She responded like the thoroughbred she was. 

I dared not glance at the speedometer, but I could feel each mile as itadded itself to our pace. I felt this climb from ninety to ninety-one. Thickening the spark by a fraction, I brought it to ninety-two ... Ninety-three.... In a quiet, steady voice, Piers began to give me thebenefit of his sight. 

"Something ahead on the right ... A waggon ... All clear ... Cart, Ithink, on the right ... No--yes. It's not moving.... A bicycle on theleft ... And another ... A car coming ... All clear ... No--a manwalking on the right ... All clear.... "

So, our narrowed eyes nailed to the straight grey ribbon streaming intothe distance, the sea and the waves roaring in our ears, folded in thewings of the wind, we cheated Dusk of seven breathless miles and sentNature packing with a fork in her breech. 

Sore at this treatment, the Dame, as ever, returned, with Night himselfto urge her argument. 

I threw in my hand with a sigh, and Piers switched on the lights as weran into Aire-sur-l'Adour. 

I heard a clock striking as we swung to the left in the town.... 

Eight o'clock. 

Two more hours and a quarter, and a hundred and nineteen miles to go. 

I tried not to lose heart.... 

We had passed Villeneuve-de-Marsan, and were nearing, I knew, cross-roads, when Piers forestalled my inquiry and spoke in my ear. 

"Which shall you do? Go straight? Or take the forest road?"

"I don't know the Roquefort way, except that there's pavement there. What's it like?"

"It's pretty bad, " said Piers. "But you'll save about fifteen miles. "

"How much pavement is there? Five or six miles?"

"Thirty about, " said Piers. 

"Thanks very much, " said I. "We'll go by the forest. "

I think I was right. 

I knew the forest road and I knew its surface was superb. Thirty milesof pavement, which I did not know, which was admittedly rough, presented a ghastly prospect. The 'luxury' tax of fifteen preciousmiles, tacked on to the way of the forest, was really frightening, butsince such a little matter as a broken lamp would kill our chances, Idared not risk the rough and tumble of the pavement upon the Roquefortroad. 

At last the cross-roads came, and we swung to the right. We hadcovered a third of the ground. 

I glanced at the gleaming clock sunk in the dash. 

Twenty-five minutes past eight. 

An hour and fifty minutes--and a hundred miles to go. 

With a frightful shock I realised that, _even with the daylight to helpme, I had used a third of my time_. 

I began to wish frantically that I had gone by Roquefort. I felt awild inclination to stop and retrace my steps. Pavement? Pavement beburned. I must have been mad to throw away fifteen miles--fifteengolden miles.... 

Adèle's face, pale, frightened, accusing, stared at me through thewind-screen. Over her shoulder, Jill, white and shrinking, pointed ashaking finger. 

With a groan, I jammed my foot on the accelerator.... 

With a roar, the car sprang forward like a spurred horse. 

Heaven knows the speed at which St. Justin was passed. I was beyondcaring. We missed a figure by inches and a cart by a foot. Then thecottages faded, and the long snarl of the engine sank to the stormymutter she kept for the open road. 

We were in the forest now, and I let her go. 

Out of the memories of that April evening our progress through theforest stands like a chapter of a dream. 

Below us, the tapering road, paler than ever--on either side an endlessarmy of fir trees, towering shoulder to shoulder, so dark, so vast, andstanding still as Death--above us, a lane of violet, all pricked withburning stars, we supped the rare old ale brewed by Hans Andersenhimself. 

Within this magic zone the throb of the engine, the hiss of thecarburettor, the swift brush of the tires upon the road--three rousingtones, yielding a thunderous chord, were curiously staccato. Thevelvet veil of silence we rent in twain; but as we tore it, the foldsfell back to hang like mighty curtains about our path, stifling allecho, striking reverberation dumb. The strong, sweet smell of thewoods enhanced the mystery. The cool, clean air thrashed us withperfume.... 

The lights of the car were powerful and focussed perfectly. Thesteady, bright splash upon the road, one hundred yards ahead, robbedthe night of its sting. 

Rabbits rocketed across our bows; a bat spilled its brains upon ourwind-screen; a hare led us for an instant, only to flash to safetyunder our very wheels. As for the moths, the screen was strewn withthe dead. Three times Piers had to rise and wipe it clear. 

Of men and beasts, mercifully, we saw no sign. 

If Houeilles knew of our passage, her ears told her. Seemingly thehamlet slept. I doubt if we took four seconds to thread its onestraight street. Next day, I suppose, men swore the devil was loose. They may be forgiven. Looking back from a hazy distance, I think hewas at my arm. 

As we ran into Casteljaloux, a clock was striking.... 

Nine o'clock. 

We had covered the thirty-five miles in thirty-five minutes dead. 

"To the left, you know, " said Piers. 

"_Left?_" I cried, setting a foot on the brake. "Straight on, surely. We turn to the left at Marmande. "

"No, no, _no_. We don't touch Marmande. We turn to the left here. " Iswung round obediently. "This is the Langon road. It's quite allright, and it saves us about ten miles. "

Ten miles. 

I could have screamed for joy. 

Only fifty-five miles to go--and an hour and a quarter left. 

The hope which had never died lifted up its head.... 

It was when we were nearing Auros that we sighted the van. 

This was a hooded horror--a great, two-ton affair, a creature, Iimagine, of Bordeaux, blinding home like a mad thing, instead ofblundering. 

Ah, I see a hundred fingers pointing to the beam in my eye. Bear withme, gentlemen. I am not so sightless as all that. 

I could steer my car with two fingers upon the roughest road. I couldbring her up, all standing, in twice her length. My lights, as youknow, made darkness a thing of nought.... I cannot answer for itsheadlights, nor for its brake-control, but the backlash in the steeringof that two-ton van was terrible to behold. 

Hurling itself along at thirty odd miles an hour, the vehicle rockedand swung all over the narrow surface--now lurching to the right, nowplunging to the left, but, in the main, holding a wobbling course uponthe crown of the road--to my distraction. 

Here was trouble enough, but--what was worse--upon my sounding thehorn, the driver refused to give way. He knew of my presence, ofcourse. He heard me, he saw my headlights, and--he sought to increasehis pace.... 

I sounded the horn till it failed: I yelled till my throat was sore:Piers raged and howled: behind, I heard Berry bellowing like afiend.... I cursed and chafed till the sweat of baffled fury ran intomy eyes.... 

For over five hideous miles I followed that bucketing van. 

I tried to pass it once, but the brute who was driving swerved to theleft--I believe on purpose--and only our four-wheel brakes averted aheadline smash. 

At that moment we might not have been on earth. 

My lady stopped as a bird stops in its flight. With the sudden heaveof a ship, she seemed to hang in the air. Wild as I was, I could notbut marvel at her grace.... 

Out of the check came wisdom. 

It was safe, then, to keep very close. 

I crept to the blackguard's heels, till our headlights made two ringsupon his vile body. 

With one foot on the step, Piers hung out of the car, watching the roadbeyond. 

Suddenly the van tilted to the right.... 

I knew a swerve must follow, if the driver would keep his balance. 

As it came, I pulled out and crammed by, with my heart in my mouth.... 

A glance at the clock made me feel sick to death. 

Fifteen priceless minutes that van had stolen out of my hard-earnedhoard. I had risked our lives a score of times to win each one ofthem. And now an ill-natured churl had flung them into the draught.... 

I set my teeth and put the car at a hill at eighty-five.... 

We flashed through Langon at twenty minutes to ten. 

Thirty-five minutes left--and thirty miles to go. 

We were on the main road now, and the surface was wide, if rough. Whatlittle traffic there was, left plenty of room. 

I took the ashes of my caution and flung them to the winds. 

Piers told me afterwards that for the first twenty miles never once didthe speedometer's needle fall below seventy-two. He may be right. Iknew that the streets were coming, and the station had to be found. Itwas a question, in fact, of stealing time. That which we had alreadywas not enough. Unless we could pick some out of the pocket ofProvidence, the game was up. 

I had to slow down at last for a parcel of stones. The road was beingre-made, and thirty yards of rubble had to be delicately trod. As weforged through the ruck at twenty, Piers stared at the side of the road. 

"BORDEAUX 16, " he quoted. 

Ten more miles--and nineteen minutes to go. 

The traffic was growing now with every furlong. Belated lorriesrumbled about their business: cars panted and raved into the night:carts jolted out of turnings into the great main road. 

When I think of the chances I took, the palms of my hands grow hot. Towait for others to grant my request for room was out of the question. I said I was coming.... I came--and that was that. Times out ofnumber I overtook vehicles upon the wrong side. As for the frequentturnings, I hoped for the best.... 

Once, where four ways met, I thought we were done. 

A car was coming across--I could see its headlights' beam. I openedthe throttle wide, and we raced for the closing gap. As we came to thecross of the roads, I heard an engine's roar.... For an instant asearchlight raked us.... There was a cry from Berry ... An answeringshout ... The noise of tires tearing at the road ... And that was all. 

A moment later I was picking my way between two labouring waggons and atrio of straggling carts. 

"BORDEAUX 8, " quoted Piers. 

Five more miles--and eleven minutes to go. 

Piers had the plan of the city upon his knees. He conned it as best hecould by the glow of the hooded light. After a moment or two he thrustthe book away. 

"The station's this end of the town. We can't miss it. I'll tell youwhen to turn. "

Three minutes more, and our road had become a street. Two parallel, glittering lines warned me of trams to come. 

As if to confirm their news, a red orb in the distance was eyeing usangrily.... 

"We turn to the right, " said Piers. "I'll tell you when. "

I glanced at the clock. 

The hour was nine minutes past ten. 

My teeth began to chatter of sheer excitement.... 

There was a turning ahead, and I glanced at Piers. 

"Not yet, " he said. 

With a frantic eye on the clock, I thrust up that awful road. Thetraffic seemed to combine to cramp my style. I swerved, I cut in, Istole an odd yard, I shouldered other drivers aside, and once, confronted with a block, I whipped on to the broad pavement and, amidscandalised shouts, left the obstruction to stay less urgent business. 

All the time I could see the relentless minute-hand beating me on thepost.... 

At last Piers gave the word, and I switched to the right. 

The boulevard was empty. We just swept up it like a black squall. 

Left and right, then, and we entered the straight--with thirty secondsto go. 

"Some way up, " breathed Piers. 

I set my teeth hard and let my lady out.... 

By the time I had sighted the station, the speedometer's needle hadswung to seventy-three.... 

I ran alongside the pavement, clapped on the brakes, threw out theclutch. 

Piers switched off, and we flung ourselves out of the car. 

Stiff as a sleepy hare, I stumbled into the hall. 

"_Le train pour Paris!_" I shouted. "_Ou est le train pour Paris?_"

"This way!" cried Piers, passing me like a stag. 

I continued to shout ridiculously, running behind him. 

I saw him come to a barrier ... Ask and be answered.... Try to pushthrough.... 

The officials sought to detain him. 

A whistle screamed.... 

With a roar I flung aside the protesting arms and carrying Piers withme, floundered on to the platform. 

A train was moving. 

Feeling curiously weak-kneed, I got carefully upon the step of apassing coach. Piers stepped on behind me and thrust me up to the door. 

Then a conductor came and hauled us inside. 

 * * * * *

I opened my eyes to see Adèle's face six inches away. 

"Better, old chap, " she said gently. 

I tried to sit up, but she set a hand upon my chest. 

"Don't say I fainted?" I said. 

She smiled and nodded. 

"But I understand, " she said, "that you have a wonderful excuse. "

"Not for ser-wooning, " said I. "Of course we did hurry, but.... "

Piers burst in excitedly. 

"There isn't another driver in all----"

"Rot, " said I. "Jonah would have done it with a quarter of an hour tospare. "

So he would. 

My cousin would have walked to the train and had a drink into thebargain. 

 * * * * *

While the train thundered northward through a drowsy world, a councilof five sat up in a _salon lit_ and laid its plans. By far its mostvaluable member was Señor Don Fedriani, travelling by chance fromBiarritz to the French capital.... 

It was, indeed, in response to his telegram from Poitiers that, a fewminutes before seven o'clock the next morning, two detectives boardedour train at the _Gare Austerlitz_. 

Five minutes later we steamed into the _Quai d'Orsay_. 

Jill, carefully primed, was the first to alight. 

Except for Piers, Duke of Padua, the rest of us followed as ordinarypassengers would. It was, of course, plain that we had no connectionwith Jill.... 

That Mr. Leslie Trunk should meet her himself was quite in order. That, having thus put his neck into the noose, he should proceed toadjust the rope about his dew-lap, argued an unexpected generosity. 

'Yes, he had sent the wire. He had taken that responsibility. How wasPiers? Well, there was plenty of hope. ' He patted her delicate hand. 'She must be brave, of course.... Yes, he had just left him. He wasin a nursing-home--crazy to see her. They would go there at once. '

We all went 'there' at once--including Piers, Duke of Padua. 

Mr. Leslie Trunk, Señor Don Fedriani, and the two police-officersshared the same taxi. 

'There' we were joined by Mrs. Trunk. 

The meeting was not cordial, neither was the house a nursing-home. Ido not know what it was. A glance at the proportions of the blackamoorwho opened the door suggested that it was a bastile. 

 * * * * *

It was thirty hours later that Berry pushed back his chair. 

It was a glorious day, and, viewed from the verandah of the Club-house, that smiling pleasaunce, the rolling plain of Billère was beckoningmore genially than ever. 

So soon as our luncheon had settled, we were to prove its promise forthe last time. 

"Yes, " said Berry, "puerile as it may seem, I assumed you were comingback. My assumption was so definite that I didn't even get out. Forone thing, Death seemed very near, and the close similarity which theslot I was occupying bore to a coffin, had all along been toosuggestive to be ignored. Secondly, from my coign of vantage I had amost lovely view of the pavement outside the station. I never rememberrefuse looking so superb.... 

"Well, I don't know how long I waited, but when it seemed certain thatyou were--er--detained, I emerged from my shell. I didn't like leavingthe car unattended, but as there wasn't a lock, I didn't know what todo. Then I remembered that just as the beaver, when pursued, jettisonssome one of its organs--I forget which--and thus evades capture, so thecareful mechanic removes some vital portion of his engine to thwart theunauthorised. I had a vague idea that the part in question was of, with, or from the magneto. I had not even a vague idea that the latterwas protected by a network of live wires, and that one had only tostretch out one's finger to induce a spark about a foot long and ashock from which one will never wholly recover.... I reeled into thestation, hoping against hope that somebody _would_ be fool enough tosteal the swine.... 

"Yes, the buffet was closed. Of such is the city of Bordeaux.... WhenI recovered consciousness I sought for you two. I asked severalofficials if they had seen two gentlemen. Some walked away as ifnettled: others adopted the soothing attitude one keeps for theinebriated. Upon reflection, I don't blame them. I had a weak case.... 

"At last I returned to the car. Alas, it was still there. I then hadrecourse to what is known as 'the process of exhaustion. ' In fact, Ifound it extremely useful. By means of that process I was eventuallysuccessful in starting the engine, and, in the same elementary way, Igot into top gear. I drew out of that yard with a running backfirenearly blowing me out of my seat. 

"Well, the general idea was to find a garage. The special one was tohear what people said when I stopped to ask them the way. The fourthone I asked was a chauffeur. Under his direction, one first of allreduced the blinding stammer of the exhaust to an impressive butrespectable roar, and then proceeded in his company to a dairy, agarage, another dairy and a hotel--in that order. I gave that chap askinful and fifty francs.... 

"Yesterday I drove home. I can prove it. All through the trams, likea two-year-old. I admit I took over six hours, but I lunched on theway. I trust that two of the poultry I met are now in Paradise. Indeed, I see no reason to suspect the contrary. So far as I couldobserve, they looked good, upright fowls. And I look forwardconfidently to an opportunity of apologising to them for their untimelytranslation. They were running it rather fine, and out of purecourtesy I set my foot positively upon the brake. Unfortunately, itwasn't the brake, but the accelerator.... My recollection of the nextforty seconds is more than hazy. There is, so to speak, a hiatus in mymemory--some two miles long. This was partly due to the force withwhich the back of the front seat hit me in the small of the back. Talkabout a blue streak.... Oh, it's a marvellous machine--very quick inthe uptake. Give her an inch, and she'll take a hell of a lot ofstopping. However.... "

"Have you seen Roland?" I said. 

"Yes. He dined last night. I told him you'd broken down his beautyand that I had administered the _coup de grâce_. He quite believed it. "

"What did he say?" said Adèle. 

"Since you ask me, " said Berry, "I'll give you his very words. I thinkyou'll value them. 'I tell you, ' he said, 'I am very proud. You sayshe is done. Well, then, there are other cars in the _usine_. But shehas saved something which no one can buy in the world--the light in alady's eyes. '"

There are things in France, besides sunshine, which are not for sale. 

THE END

BY THE SAME AUTHOR

Published by

WARD, LOCK AND CO. , LTD. 

 BERRY AND CO. JONAH AND CO. ADÈLE AND CO. AND BERRY CAME TOO ANTHONY LYVEDEN VALERIE FRENCH THE BROTHER OF DAPHNE THE COURTS OF IDLENESS AND FIVE WERE FOOLISH AS OTHER MEN ARE THE STOLEN MARCH MAIDEN STAKES BLIND CORNER PERISHABLE GOODS BLOOD ROYAL FIRE BELOW SAFE CUSTODY STORM MUSIC SHE FELL AMONG THIEVES SHE PAINTED HER FACE THIS PUBLICAN GALE WARNING SHOAL WATER PERIOD STUFF AN EYE FOR A TOOTH