IVANOFF

A PLAY

By Anton Checkov

CHARACTERS

NICHOLAS IVANOFF, perpetual member of the Council of Peasant Affairs

ANNA, his wife. Nee Sarah Abramson

MATTHEW SHABELSKI, a count, uncle of Ivanoff

PAUL LEBEDIEFF, President of the Board of the Zemstvo

ZINAIDA, his wife

SASHA, their daughter, twenty years old

LVOFF, a young government doctor

MARTHA BABAKINA, a young widow, owner of an estate and daughter of arich merchant

KOSICH, an exciseman

MICHAEL BORKIN, a distant relative of Ivanoff, and manager of his estate

AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, an old woman

GEORGE, lives with the Lebedieffs

FIRST GUEST

SECOND GUEST

THIRD GUEST

FOURTH GUEST

PETER, a servant of Ivanoff

GABRIEL, a servant of Lebedieff

GUESTS OF BOTH SEXES

The play takes place in one of the provinces of central Russia

IVANOFF

ACT I

The garden of IVANOFF'S country place. On the left is a terrace and thefacade of the house. One window is open. Below the terrace is a broadsemicircular lawn, from which paths lead to right and left into agarden. On the right are several garden benches and tables. A lamp isburning on one of the tables. It is evening. As the curtain rises soundsof the piano and violoncello are heard. 

IVANOFF is sitting at a table reading. 

BORKIN, in top-boots and carrying a gun, comes in from the rear of thegarden. He is a little tipsy. As he sees IVANOFF he comes toward him ontiptoe, and when he comes opposite him he stops and points the gun athis face. 

IVANOFF. [Catches sight of BORKIN. Shudders and jumps to his feet]Misha! What are you doing? You frightened me! I can't stand your stupidjokes when I am so nervous as this. And having frightened me, you laugh![He sits down. ]

BORKIN. [Laughing loudly] There, I am sorry, really. I won't do itagain. Indeed I won't. [Take off his cap] How hot it is! Just think, mydear boy, I have covered twelve miles in the last three hours. I am wornout. Just feel how my heart is beating. 

IVANOFF. [Goes on reading] Oh, very well. I shall feel it later!

BORKIN. No, feel it now. [He takes IVANOFF'S hand and presses it againsthis breast] Can you feel it thumping? That means that it is weak andthat I may die suddenly at any moment. Would you be sorry if I died?

IVANOFF. I am reading now. I shall attend to you later. 

BORKIN. No, seriously, would you be sorry if I died? Nicholas, would yoube sorry if I died?

IVANOFF. Leave me alone!

BORKIN. Come, tell me if you would be sorry or not. 

IVANOFF. I am sorry that you smell so of vodka, Misha, it is disgusting. 

BORKIN. Do I smell of vodka? How strange! And yet, it is not so strangeafter all. I met the magistrate on the road, and I must admit that wedid drink about eight glasses together. Strictly speaking, of course, drinking is very harmful. Listen, it is harmful, isn't it? Is it? Is it?

IVANOFF. This is unendurable! Let me warn you, Misha, that you are goingtoo far. 

BORKIN. Well, well, excuse me. Sit here by yourself then, for heaven'ssake, if it amuses you. [Gets up and goes away] What extraordinarypeople one meets in the world. They won't even allow themselves to bespoken to. [He comes back] Oh, yes, I nearly forgot. Please let me haveeighty-two roubles. 

IVANOFF. Why do you want eighty-two roubles?

BORKIN. To pay the workmen to-morrow. 

IVANOFF. I haven't the money. 

BORKIN. Many thanks. [Angrily] So you haven't the money! And yet theworkmen must be paid, mustn't they?

IVANOFF. I don't know. Wait till my salary comes in on the first of themonth. 

BORKIN. How is it possible to discuss anything with a man like you?Can't you understand that the workmen are coming to-morrow morning andnot on the first of the month?

IVANOFF. How can I help it? I'll be hanged if I can do anything about itnow. And what do you mean by this irritating way you have of pesteringme whenever I am trying to read or write or----

BORKIN. Must the workmen be paid or not, I ask you? But, good gracious!What is the use of talking to you! [Waves his hand] Do you thinkbecause you own an estate you can command the whole world? With yourtwo thousand acres and your empty pockets you are like a man who has acellar full of wine and no corkscrew. I have sold the oats as theystand in the field. Yes, sir! And to-morrow I shall sell the rye andthe carriage horses. [He stamps up and down] Do you think I am goingto stand upon ceremony with you? Certainly not! I am not that kind of aman!

ANNA appears at the open window. 

ANNA. Whose voice did I hear just now? Was it yours, Misha? Why are youstamping up and down?

BORKIN. Anybody who had anything to do with your Nicholas would stamp upand down. 

ANNA. Listen, Misha! Please have some hay carried onto the croquet lawn. 

BORKIN. [Waves his hand] Leave me alone, please!

ANNA. Oh, what manners! They are not becoming to you at all. If you wantto be liked by women you must never let them see you when you are angryor obstinate. [To her husband] Nicholas, let us go and play on the lawnin the hay!

IVANOFF. Don't you know it is bad for you to stand at the open window, Annie? [Calls] Shut the window, Uncle!

[The window is shut from the inside. ]

BORKIN. Don't forget that the interest on the money you owe Lebedieffmust be paid in two days. 

IVANOFF. I haven't forgotten it. I am going over to see Lebedieff todayand shall ask him to wait. 

[He looks at his watch. ]

BORKIN. When are you going?

IVANOFF. At once. 

BORKIN. Wait! Wait! Isn't this Sasha's birthday? So it is! The idea ofmy forgetting it. What a memory I have. [Jumps about] I shall go withyou! [Sings] I shall go, I shall go! Nicholas, old man, you are the joyof my life. If you were not always so nervous and cross and gloomy, youand I could do great things together. I would do anything for you. ShallI marry Martha Babakina and give you half her fortune? That is, nothalf, either, but all--take it all!

IVANOFF. Enough of this nonsense!

BORKIN. No, seriously, shan't I marry Martha and halve the money withyou? But no, why should I propose it? How can you understand? [Angrily]You say to me: "Stop talking nonsense!" You are a good man and aclever one, but you haven't any red blood in your veins or any--well, enthusiasm. Why, if you wanted to, you and I could cut a dash togetherthat would shame the devil himself. If you were a normal man instead ofa morbid hypochondriac we would have a million in a year. For instance, if I had twenty-three hundred roubles now I could make twenty thousandin two weeks. You don't believe me? You think it is all nonsense? No, it isn't nonsense. Give me twenty-three hundred roubles and let me try. Ofsianoff is selling a strip of land across the river for that price. If we buy this, both banks will be ours, and we shall have the right tobuild a dam across the river. Isn't that so? We can say that we intendto build a mill, and when the people on the river below us hear thatwe mean to dam the river they will, of course, object violently and weshall say: If you don't want a dam here you will have to pay to get usaway. Do you see the result? The factory would give us five thousandroubles, Korolkoff three thousand, the monastery five thousand more--

IVANOFF. All that is simply idiotic, Misha. If you don't want me to losemy temper you must keep your schemes to yourself. 

BORKIN. [Sits down at the table] Of course! I knew how it would be! Younever will act for yourself, and you tie my hands so that I am helpless. 

Enter SHABELSKI and LVOFF. 

SHABELSKI. The only difference between lawyers and doctors is thatlawyers simply rob you, whereas doctors both rob you and kill you. I amnot referring to any one present. [Sits down on the bench] They are allfrauds and swindlers. Perhaps in Arcadia you might find an exception tothe general rule and yet--I have treated thousands of sick people myselfin my life, and I have never met a doctor who did not seem to me to bean unmistakable scoundrel. 

BORKIN. [To IVANOFF] Yes, you tie my hands and never do anything foryourself, and that is why you have no money. 

SHABELSKI. As I said before, I am not referring to any one here atpresent; there may be exceptions though, after all--[He yawns. ]

IVANOFF. [Shuts his book] What have you to tell me, doctor?

LVOFF. [Looks toward the window] Exactly what I said this morning: shemust go to the Crimea at once. [Walks up and down. ]

SHABELSKI. [Bursts out laughing] To the Crimea! Why don't you and I setup as doctors, Misha? Then, if some Madame Angot or Ophelia finds theworld tiresome and begins to cough and be consumptive, all we shallhave to do will be to write out a prescription according to the laws ofmedicine: that is, first, we shall order her a young doctor, and then ajourney to the Crimea. There some fascinating young Tartar----

IVANOFF. [Interrupting] Oh, don't be coarse! [To LVOFF] It takes moneyto go to the Crimea, and even if I could afford it, you know she hasrefused to go. 

LVOFF. Yes, she has. [A pause. ]

BORKIN. Look here, doctor, is Anna really so ill that she absolutelymust go to the Crimea?

LVOFF. [Looking toward the window] Yes, she has consumption. 

BORKIN. Whew! How sad! I have seen in her face for some time that shecould not last much longer. 

LVOFF. Can't you speak quietly? She can hear everything you say. [Apause. ]

BORKIN. [Sighing] The life of man is like a flower, blooming so gaily ina field. Then, along comes a goat, he eats it, and the flower is gone!

SHABELSKI. Oh, nonsense, nonsense. [Yawning] Everything is a fraud and aswindle. [A pause. ]

BORKIN. Gentlemen, I have been trying to tell Nicholas how he can makesome money, and have submitted a brilliant plan to him, but my seed, as usual, has fallen on barren soil. Look what a sight he is now: dull, cross, bored, peevish----

SHABELSKI. [Gets up and stretches himself] You are always inventingschemes for everybody, you clever fellow, and telling them how to live;can't you tell me something? Give me some good advice, you ingeniousyoung man. Show me a good move to make. 

BORKIN. [Getting up] I am going to have a swim. Goodbye, gentlemen. [ToShabelski] There are at least twenty good moves you could make. If Iwere you I should have twenty thousand roubles in a week. 

[He goes out; SHABELSKI follows him. ]

SHABELSKI. How would you do it? Come, explain. 

BORKIN. There is nothing to explain, it is so simple. [Coming back]Nicholas, give me a rouble. 

IVANOFF silently hands him the money

BORKIN. Thanks. Shabelski, you still hold some trump cards. 

SHABELSKI follows him out. 

SHABELSKI. Well, what are they?

BORKIN. If I were you I should have thirty thousand roubles and more ina week. [They go out together. ]

IVANOFF. [After a pause] Useless people, useless talk, and the necessityof answering stupid questions, have wearied me so, doctor, that I amill. I have become so irritable and bitter that I don't know myself. My head aches for days at a time. I hear a ringing in my ears, I can'tsleep, and yet there is no escape from it all, absolutely none. 

LVOFF. Ivanoff, I have something serious to speak to you about. 

IVANOFF. What is it?

LVOFF. It is about your wife. She refuses to go to the Crimea alone, butshe would go with you. 

IVANOFF. [Thoughtfully] It would cost a great deal for us both to go, and besides, I could not get leave to be away for so long. I have hadone holiday already this year. 

LVOFF. Very well, let us admit that. Now to proceed. The best cure forconsumption is absolute peace of mind, and your wife has none whatever. She is forever excited by your behaviour to her. Forgive me, I amexcited and am going to speak frankly. Your treatment of her is killingher. [A pause] Ivanoff, let me believe better things of you. 

IVANOFF. What you say is true, true. I must be terribly guilty, but mymind is confused. My will seems to be paralysed by a kind of stupor; Ican't understand myself or any one else. [Looks toward the window] Come, let us take a walk, we might be overheard here. [They get up] My dearfriend, you should hear the whole story from the beginning if it werenot so long and complicated that to tell it would take all night. [Theywalk up and down] Anna is a splendid, an exceptional woman. She has lefther faith, her parents and her fortune for my sake. If I should demanda hundred other sacrifices, she would consent to every one without thequiver of an eyelid. Well, I am not a remarkable man in any way, andhave sacrificed nothing. However, the story is a long one. In short, thewhole point is, my dear doctor--[Confused] that I married her for loveand promised to love her forever, and now after five years she loves mestill and I--[He waves his hand] Now, when you tell me she is dying, Ifeel neither love nor pity, only a sort of loneliness and weariness. Toall appearances this must seem horrible, and I cannot understand myselfwhat is happening to me. [They go out. ]

SHABELSKI comes in. 

SHABELSKI. [Laughing] Upon my word, that man is no scoundrel, but agreat thinker, a master-mind. He deserves a memorial. He is the essenceof modern ingenuity, and combines in himself alone the genius of thelawyer, the doctor, and the financier. [He sits down on the lowest stepof the terrace] And yet he has never finished a course of studies in anycollege; that is so surprising. What an ideal scoundrel he would havemade if he had acquired a little culture and mastered the sciences! "Youcould make twenty thousand roubles in a week, " he said. "You still holdthe ace of trumps: it is your title. " [Laughing] He said I might geta rich girl to marry me for it! [ANNA opens the window and looks down]"Let me make a match between you and Martha, " says he. Who is thisMartha? It must be that Balabalkina--Babakalkina woman, the one thatlooks like a laundress. 

ANNA. Is that you, Count?

SHABELSKI. What do you want?

ANNA laughs. 

SHABELSKI. [With a Jewish accent] Vy do you laugh?

ANNA. I was thinking of something you said at dinner, do you remember?How was it--a forgiven thief, a doctored horse. 

SHABELSKI. A forgiven thief, a doctored horse, and a Christianised Jeware all worth the same price. 

ANNA. [Laughing] You can't even repeat the simplest saying withoutill-nature. You are a most malicious old man. [Seriously] Seriously, Count you are extremely disagreeable, and very tiresome and painful tolive with. You are always grumbling and growling, and everybody to youis a blackguard and a scoundrel. Tell me honestly, Count, have you everspoken well of any one?

SHABELSKI. Is this an inquisition?

ANNA. We have lived under this same roof now for five years, and Ihave never heard you speak kindly of people, or without bitterness andderision. What harm has the world done to you? Is it possible that youconsider yourself better than any one else?

SHABELSKI. Not at all. I think we are all of us scoundrels andhypocrites. I myself am a degraded old man, and as useless as a cast-offshoe. I abuse myself as much as any one else. I was rich once, and free, and happy at times, but now I am a dependent, an object of charity, ajoke to the world. When I am at last exasperated and defy them, theyanswer me with a laugh. When I laugh, they shake their heads sadly andsay, "The old man has gone mad. " But oftenest of all I am unheard andunnoticed by every one. 

ANNA. [Quietly] Screaming again. 

SHABELSKI. Who is screaming?

ANNA. The owl. It screams every evening. 

SHABELSKI. Let it scream. Things are as bad as they can be already. [Stretches himself] Alas, my dear Sarah! If I could only win a thousandor two roubles, I should soon show you what I could do. I wish youcould see me! I should get away out of this hole, and leave the bread ofcharity, and should not show my nose here again until the last judgmentday. 

ANNA. What would you do if you were to win so much money?

SHABELSKI. [Thoughtfully] First I would go to Moscow to hear the Gipsiesplay, and then--then I should fly to Paris and take an apartment and goto the Russian Church. 

ANNA. And what else?

SHABELSKI. I would go and sit on my wife's grave for days and days andthink. I would sit there until I died. My wife is buried in Paris. [Apause. ]

ANNA. How terribly dull this is! Shall we play a duet?

SHABELSKI. As you like. Go and get the music ready. [ANNA goes out. ]

IVANOFF and LVOFF appear in one of the paths. 

IVANOFF. My dear friend, you left college last year, and you are stillyoung and brave. Being thirty-five years old I have the right to adviseyou. Don't marry a Jewess or a bluestocking or a woman who is queer inany way. Choose some nice, common-place girl without any strange andstartling points in her character. Plan your life for quiet; the greyerand more monotonous you can make the background, the better. My dearboy, do not try to fight alone against thousands; do not tilt withwindmills; do not dash yourself against the rocks. And, above all, may you be spared the so-called rational life, all wild theories andimpassioned talk. Everything is in the hands of God, so shut yourselfup in your shell and do your best. That is the pleasant, honest, healthyway to live. But the life I have chosen has been so tiring, oh, sotiring! So full of mistakes, of injustice and stupidity! [Catches sightof SHABELSKI, and speaks angrily] There you are again, Uncle, alwaysunder foot, never letting one have a moment's quiet talk!

SHABELSKI. [In a tearful voice] Is there no refuge anywhere for a poorold devil like me? [He jumps up and runs into the house. ]

IVANOFF. Now I have offended him! Yes, my nerves have certainly gone topieces. I must do something about it, I must----

LVOFF. [Excitedly] Ivanoff, I have heard all you have to say and--and--Iam going to speak frankly. You have shown me in your voice and manner, as well as in your words, the most heartless egotism and pitilesscruelty. Your nearest friend is dying simply because she is near you, her days are numbered, and you can feel such indifference that you goabout giving advice and analysing your feelings. I cannot say all Ishould like to; I have not the gift of words, but--but I can at leastsay that you are deeply antipathetic to me. 

IVANOFF. I suppose I am. As an onlooker, of course you see me moreclearly than I see myself, and your judgment of me is probably right. No doubt I am terribly guilty. [Listens] I think I hear the carriagecoming. I must get ready to go. [He goes toward the house and thenstops] You dislike me, doctor, and you don't conceal it. Your sinceritydoes you credit. [He goes into the house. ]

LVOFF. [Alone] What a confoundedly disagreeable character! I have letanother opportunity slip without speaking to him as I meant to, but Isimply cannot talk calmly to that man. The moment I open my mouth tospeak I feel such a commotion and suffocation here [He puts his hand onhis breast] that my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. Oh, I loathethat Tartuffe, that unmitigated rascal, with all my heart! There he is, preparing to go driving in spite of the entreaties of his unfortunatewife, who adores him and whose only happiness is his presence. Sheimplores him to spend at least one evening with her, and he cannot evendo that. Why, he might shoot himself in despair if he had to stay athome! Poor fellow, what he wants are new fields for his villainousschemes. Oh, I know why you go to Lebedieff's every evening, Ivanoff! Iknow. 

Enter IVANOFF, in hat and coat, ANNA and SHABELSKI

SHABELSKI. Look here, Nicholas, this is simply barbarous You go awayevery evening and leave us here alone, and we get so bored that we haveto go to bed at eight o'clock. It is a scandal, and no decent way ofliving. Why can you go driving if we can't? Why?

ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Let him go if he wants to. 

IVANOFF. How can a sick woman like you go anywhere? You know you have acough and must not go out after sunset. Ask the doctor here. You are nochild, Annie, you must be reasonable. And as for you, what would you dowith yourself over there?

SHABELSKI. I am ready to go anywhere: into the jaws of a crocodile, oreven into the jaws of hell, so long as I don't have to stay here. I amhorribly bored. I am stupefied by this dullness. Every one here is tiredof me. You leave me at home to entertain Anna, but I feel more likescratching and biting her. 

ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Leave him alone. Let him go if he enjoyshimself there. 

IVANOFF. What does this mean, Annie? You know I am not going forpleasure. I must see Lebedieff about the money I owe him. 

ANNA. I don't see why you need justify yourself to me. Go ahead! Who iskeeping you?

IVANOFF. Heavens! Don't let us bite one another's heads off. Is thatreally unavoidable?

SHABELSKI. [Tearfully] Nicholas, my dear boy, do please take me withyou. I might possibly be amused a little by the sight of all the foolsand scoundrels I should see there. You know I haven't been off thisplace since Easter. 

IVANOFF. [Exasperated] Oh, very well! Come along then! How tiresome youall are!

SHABELSKI. I may go? Oh, thank you! [Takes him gaily by the arm andleads him aside] May I wear your straw hat?

IVANOFF. You may, only hurry, please. 

SHABELSKI runs into the house. 

IVANOFF. How tired I am of you all! But no, what am I saying? Annie, mymanner to you is insufferable, and it never used to be. Well, good-bye, Annie. I shall be back by one. 

ANNA. Nicholas! My dear husband, stay at home to-night!

IVANOFF. [Excitedly] Darling, sweetheart, my dear, unhappy one, Iimplore you to let me leave home in the evenings. I know it is cruel andunjust to ask this, but let me do you this injustice. It is such torturefor me to stay. As soon as the sun goes down my soul is overwhelmed bythe most horrible despair. Don't ask me why; I don't know; I swear Idon't. This dreadful melancholy torments me here, it drives me to theLebedieff's and there it grows worse than ever. I rush home; it stillpursues me; and so I am tortured all through the night. It is breakingmy heart. 

ANNA. Nicholas, won't you stay? We will talk together as we used to. We will have supper together and read afterward. The old grumbler and Ihave learned so many duets to play to you. [She kisses him. Then, aftera pause] I can't understand you any more. This has been going on for ayear now. What has changed you so?

IVANOFF. I don't know. 

ANNA. And why don't you want me to go driving with you in the evening?

IVANOFF. As you insist on knowing, I shall have to tell you. It is alittle cruel, but you had best understand. When this melancholy fit ison me I begin to dislike you, Annie, and at such times I must escapefrom you. In short, I simply have to leave this house. 

ANNA. Oh, you are sad, are you? I can understand that! Nicholas, letme tell you something: won't you try to sing and laugh and scold as youused to? Stay here, and we will drink some liqueur together, and laugh, and chase away this sadness of yours in no time. Shall I sing to you? Orshall we sit in your study in the twilight as we used to, while you tellme about your sadness? I can read such suffering in your eyes! Letme look into them and weep, and our hearts will both be lighter. [Shelaughs and cries at once] Or is it really true that the flowers returnwith every spring, but lost happiness never returns? Oh, is it? Well, gothen, go!

IVANOFF. Pray for me, Annie! [He goes; then stops and thinks for amoment] No, I can't do it. [IVANOFF goes out. ]

ANNA. Yes, go, go--[Sits down at the table. ]

LVOFF. [Walking up and down] Make this a rule, Madam: as soon as the sungoes down you must go indoors and not come out again until morning. Thedamp evening air is bad for you. 

ANNA. Yes, sir!

LVOFF. What do you mean by "Yes, sir"? I am speaking seriously. 

ANNA. But I don't want to be serious. [She coughs. ]

LVOFF. There now, you see, you are coughing already. 

SHABELSKI comes out of the house in his hat and coat. 

SHABELSKI. Where is Nicholas? Is the carriage here yet? [Goes quicklyto ANNA and kisses her hand] Good-night, my darling! [Makes a face andspeaks with a Jewish accent] I beg your bardon! [He goes quickly out. ]

LVOFF. Idiot!

A pause; the sounds of a concertina are heard in the distance. 

ANNA. Oh, how lonely it is! The coachman and the cook are having alittle ball in there by themselves, and I--I am, as it were, abandoned. Why are you walking about, Doctor? Come and sit down here. 

LVOFF. I can't sit down. 

[A pause. ]

ANNA. They are playing "The Sparrow" in the kitchen. [She sings]

 "Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you? On the mountain drinking dew. "

[A pause] Are your father and mother living, Doctor?

LVOFF. My mother is living; my father is dead. 

ANNA. Do you miss your mother very much?

LVOFF. I am too busy to miss any one. 

ANNA. [Laughing] The flowers return with every spring, but losthappiness never returns. I wonder who taught me that? I think it wasNicholas himself. [Listens] The owl is hooting again. 

LVOFF. Well, let it hoot. 

ANNA. I have begun to think, Doctor, that fate has cheated me. Otherpeople who, perhaps, are no better than I am are happy and have not hadto pay for their happiness. But I have paid for it all, every moment ofit, and such a price! Why should I have to pay so terribly? Dear friend, you are all too considerate and gentle with me to tell me the truth; butdo you think I don't know what is the matter with me? I know perfectlywell. However, this isn't a pleasant subject--[With a Jewish accent] "Ibeg your bardon!" Can you tell funny stories?

LVOFF. No, I can't. 

ANNA. Nicholas can. I am beginning to be surprised, too, at theinjustice of people. Why do they return hatred for love, and answertruth with lies? Can you tell me how much longer I shall be hated by mymother and father? They live fifty miles away, and yet I can feel theirhatred day and night, even in my sleep. And how do you account for thesadness of Nicholas? He says that he only dislikes me in the evening, when the fit is on him. I understand that, and can tolerate it, butwhat if he should come to dislike me altogether? Of course that isimpossible, and yet--no, no, I mustn't even imagine such a thing. [Sings]

 "Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you?"

[She shudders] What fearful thoughts I have! You are not married, Doctor; there are many things that you cannot understand. 

LVOFF. You say you are surprised, but--but it is you who surprise me. Tell me, explain to me how you, an honest and intelligent woman, almosta saint, could allow yourself to be so basely deceived and dragged intothis den of bears? Why are you here? What have you in common with such acold and heartless--but enough of your husband! What have you in commonwith these wicked and vulgar surroundings? With that eternal grumbler, the crazy and decrepit Count? With that swindler, that prince ofrascals, Misha, with his fool's face? Tell me, I say, how did you gethere?

ANNA. [laughing] That is what he used to say, long ago, oh, exactly!Only his eyes are larger than yours, and when he was excited they usedto shine like coals--go on, go on!

LVOFF. [Gets up and waves his hand] There is nothing more to say. Gointo the house. 

ANNA. You say that Nicholas is not what he should be, that his faultsare so and so. How can you possibly understand him? How can you learnto know any one in six months? He is a wonderful man, Doctor, and I amsorry you could not have known him as he was two or three years ago. Heis depressed and silent now, and broods all day without doing anything, but he was splendid then. I fell in love with him at first sight. [Laughing] I gave one look and was caught like a mouse in a trap! Sowhen he asked me to go with him I cut every tie that bound me to myold life as one snips the withered leaves from a plant. But things aredifferent now. Now he goes to the Lebedieff's to amuse himself withother women, and I sit here in the garden and listen to the owls. [TheWATCHMAN'S rattle is heard] Tell me, Doctor, have you any brothers andsisters?

LVOFF. No. 

ANNA sobs. 

LVOFF. What is it? What is the matter?

ANNA. I can't stand it, Doctor, I must go. 

LVOFF. Where?

ANNA. To him. I am going. Have the horses harnessed. [She runs into thehouse. ]

LVOFF. No, I certainly cannot go on treating any one under theseconditions. I not only have to do it for nothing, but I am forced toendure this agony of mind besides. No, no, I can't stand it. I have hadenough of it. [He goes into the house. ]

The curtain falls. 

ACT II

The drawing-room of LEBEDIEFF�S house. In the centre is a door leadinginto a garden. Doors open out of the room to the right and left. Theroom is furnished with valuable old furniture, which is carefullyprotected by linen covers. The walls are hung with pictures. The room islighted by candelabra. ZINAIDA is sitting on a sofa; the elderly guestsare sitting in arm-chairs on either hand. The young guests are sittingabout the room on small chairs. KOSICH, AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, GEORGE, andothers are playing cards in the background. GABRIEL is standing nearthe door on the right. The maid is passing sweetmeats about on a tray. During the entire act guests come and go from the garden, through theroom, out of the door on the left, and back again. Enter MARTHA throughthe door on the right. She goes toward ZINAIDA. 

ZINAIDA. [Gaily] My dearest Martha!

MARTHA. How do you do, Zinaida? Let me congratulate you on yourdaughter's birthday. 

ZINAIDA. Thank you, my dear; I am delighted to see you. How are you?

MARTHA. Very well indeed, thank you. [She sits down on the sofa] Goodevening, young people!

The younger guests get up and bow. 

FIRST GUEST. [Laughing] Young people indeed! Do you call yourself an oldperson?

MARTHA. [Sighing] How can I make any pretense to youth now?

FIRST GUEST. What nonsense! The fact that you are a widow means nothing. You could beat any pretty girl you chose at a canter. 

GABRIEL brings MARTHA some tea. 

ZINAIDA. Why do you bring the tea in like that? Go and fetch some jam toeat with it!

MARTHA. No thank you; none for me, don't trouble yourself. [A pause. ]

FIRST GUEST. [To MARTHA] Did you come through Mushkine on your way here?

MARTHA. No, I came by way of Spassk. The road is better that way. 

FIRST GUEST. Yes, so it is. 

KOSICH. Two in spades. 

GEORGE. Pass. 

AVDOTIA. Pass. 

SECOND GUEST. Pass. 

MARTHA. The price of lottery tickets has gone up again, my dear. I havenever known such a state of affairs. The first issue is already worthtwo hundred and seventy and the second nearly two hundred and fifty. This has never happened before. 

ZINAIDA. How fortunate for those who have a great many tickets!

MARTHA. Don't say that, dear; even when the price of tickets is high itdoes not pay to put one's capital into them. 

ZINAIDA. Quite true, and yet, my dear, one never can tell what mayhappen. Providence is sometimes kind. 

THIRD GUEST. My impression is, ladies, that at present capitalis exceedingly unproductive. Shares pay very small dividends, andspeculating is exceedingly dangerous. As I understand it, the capitalistnow finds himself in a more critical position than the man who----

MARTHA. Quite right. 

FIRST GUEST yawns. 

MARTHA. How dare you yawn in the presence of ladies?

FIRST GUEST. I beg your pardon! It was quite an accident. 

ZINAIDA gets up and goes out through the door on the right. 

GEORGE. Two in hearts. 

SECOND GUEST. Pass. 

KOSICH. Pass. 

MARTHA. [Aside] Heavens! This is deadly! I shall die of ennui. 

Enter ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF through the door on the right. 

ZINAIDA. Why do you go off by yourself like a prima donna? Come and sitwith our guests!

[She sits down in her former place. ]

LEBEDIEFF. [Yawning] Oh, dear, our sins are heavy! [He catches sight ofMARTHA] Why, there is my little sugar-plum! How is your most esteemedhighness?

MARTHA. Very well, thank you. 

LEBEDIEFF. Splendid, splendid! [He sits down in an armchair] Quiteright--Oh, Gabriel!

GABRIEL brings him a glass of vodka and a tumbler of water. He emptiesthe glass of vodka and sips the water. 

FIRST GUEST. Good health to you!

LEBEDIEFF. Good health is too much to ask. I am content to keep deathfrom the door. [To his wife] Where is the heroine of this occasion, Zuzu?

KOSICH. [In a plaintive voice] Look here, why haven't we taken anytricks yet? [He jumps up] Yes, why have we lost this game entirely, confound it?

AVDOTIA. [Jumps up angrily] Because, friend, you don't know how to playit, and have no right to be sitting here at all. What right had you tolead from another suit? Haven't you the ace left? [They both leave thetable and run forward. ]

KOSICH. [In a tearful voice] Ladies and gentlemen, let me explain! I hadthe ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the ace of spades and one, just one, little heart, do you understand? Well, she, bad luck to her, she couldn't make a little slam. I said one in no-trumps---- *

 * The game played is vint, the national card-game of Russia and the direct ancestor of auction bridge, with which it is almost identical. [translator's note]

AVDOTIA. [Interrupting him] No, I said one in no-trumps; you said two inno-trumps----

KOSICH. This is unbearable! Allow me--you had--I had--you had--[ToLEBEDIEFF] But you shall decide it, Paul: I had the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds----

LEBEDIEFF. [Puts his fingers into his ears] Stop, for heaven's sake, stop!

AVDOTIA. [Yelling] I said no-trumps, and not he!

KOSICH. [Furiously] I'll be damned if I ever sit down to another game ofcards with that old cat!

He rushes into the garden. The SECOND GUEST follows him. GEORGE is leftalone at the table. 

AVDOTIA. Whew! He makes my blood boil! Old cat, indeed! You're an oldcat yourself!

MARTHA. How angry you are, aunty!

AVDOTIA. [Sees MARTHA and claps her hands] Are you here, my darling?My beauty! And was I blind as a bat, and didn't see you? Darling child![She kisses her and sits down beside her] How happy this makes me! Letme feast my eyes on you, my milk-white swan! Oh, oh, you have bewitchedme!

LEBEDIEFF. Why don't you find her a husband instead of singing herpraises?

AVDOTIA. He shall be found. I shall not go to my grave before I havefound a husband for her, and one for Sasha too. I shall not go to mygrave--[She sighs] But where to find these husbands nowadays? Theresit some possible bridegrooms now, huddled together like a lot ofhalf-drowned rats!

THIRD GUEST. A most unfortunate comparison! It is my belief, ladies, that if the young men of our day prefer to remain single, the fault liesnot with them, but with the existing, social conditions!

LEBEDIEFF. Come, enough of that! Don't give us any mo re philosophy; Idon't like it!

Enter SASHA. She goes up to her father. 

SASHA. How can you endure the stuffy air of this room when the weatheris so beautiful?

ZINAIDA. My dear Sasha, don't you see that Martha is here?

SASHA. I beg your pardon. 

[She goes up to MARTHA and shakes hands. ]

MARTHA. Yes, here I am, my dear little Sasha, and proud to congratulateyou. [They kiss each other] Many happy returns of the day, dear!

SASHA. Thank you! [She goes and sits down by her father. ]

LEBEDIEFF. As you were saying, Avdotia Nazarovna, husbands are hard tofind. I don't want to be rude, but I must say that the young men of thepresent are a dull and poky lot, poor fellows! They can't dance or talkor drink as they should do. 

AVDOTIA. Oh, as far as drinking goes, they are all experts. Just givethem--give them----

LEBEDIEFF. Simply to drink is no art. A horse can drink. No, it must bedone in the right way. In my young days we used to sit and cudgel ourbrains all day over our lessons, but as soon as evening came we wouldfly off on some spree and keep it up till dawn. How we used to dance andflirt, and drink, too! Or sometimes we would sit and chatter and discusseverything under the sun until we almost wagged our tongues off. Butnow--[He waves his hand] Boys are a puzzle to me. They are not willingeither to give a candle to God or a pitchfork to the devil! There isonly one young fellow in the country who is worth a penny, and he ismarried. [Sighs] They say, too, that he is going crazy. 

MARTHA. Who is he?

LEBEDIEFF. Nicholas Ivanoff. 

MARTHA. Yes, he is a fine fellow, only [Makes a face] he is veryunhappy. 

ZINAIDA. How could he be otherwise, poor boy! [She sighs] He made sucha bad mistake. When he married that Jewess of his he thought of coursethat her parents would give away whole mountains of gold with her, but, on the contrary, on the day she became a Christian they disowned her, and Ivanoff has never seen a penny of the money. He has repented of hisfolly now, but it is too late. 

SASHA. Mother, that is not true!

MARTHA. How can you say it is not true, Sasha, when we all know it to bea fact? Why did he have to marry a Jewess? He must have had some reasonfor doing it. Are Russian girls so scarce? No, he made a mistake, poorfellow, a sad mistake. [Excitedly] And what on earth can he do with hernow? Where could she go if he were to come home some day and say: "Yourparents have deceived me; leave my house at once!" Her parents wouldn'ttake her back. She might find a place as a house-maid if she had everlearned to work, which she hasn't. He worries and worries her now, butthe Count interferes. If it had not been for the Count, he would haveworried her to death long ago. 

AVDOTIA. They say he shuts her up in a cellar and stuffs her withgarlic, and she eats and eats until her very soul reeks of it. [Laughter. ]

SASHA. But, father, you know that isn't true!

LEBEDIEFF. What if it isn't, Sasha? Let them spin yarns if it amusesthem. [He calls] Gabriel!

GABRIEL brings him another glass of vodka and a glass of water. 

ZINAIDA. His misfortunes have almost ruined him, poor man. His affairsare in a frightful condition. If Borkin did not take such good chargeof his estate he and his Jewess would soon be starving to death. [Shesighs] And what anxiety he has caused us! Heaven only knows how we havesuffered. Do you realise, my dear, that for three years he has owed usnine thousand roubles?

MARTHA. [Horrified] Nine thousand!

ZINAIDA. Yes, that is the sum that my dear Paul has undertaken to lendhim. He never knows to whom it is safe to lend money and to whom it isnot. I don't worry about the principal, but he ought to pay the intereston his debt. 

SASHA. [Hotly] Mamma, you have already discussed this subject at least athousand times!

ZINAIDA. What difference does it make to you? Why should you interfere?

SASHA. What is this mania you all have for gossiping about a man who hasnever done any of you any harm? Tell me, what harm has he done you?

THIRD GUEST. Let me say two words, Miss Sasha. I esteem Ivanoff, andhave always found him an honourable man, but, between ourselves, I alsoconsider him an adventurer. 

SASHA. I congratulate you on your opinion!

THIRD GUEST. In proof of its truth, permit me to present to you thefollowing facts, as they were communicated to me by his secretary, orshall I say rather, by his factotum, Borkin. Two years ago, at the timeof the cattle plague, he bought some cattle and had them insured--

ZINAIDA. Yes, I remember hearing' of that. 

THIRD GUEST. He had them insured, as you understand, and then inoculatedthem with the disease and claimed the insurance. 

SASHA. Oh, what nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! No one bought orinoculated any cattle! The story was invented by Borkin, who then wentabout boasting of his clever plan. Ivanoff would not forgive Borkin fortwo weeks after he heard of it. He is only guilty of a weak characterand too great faith in humanity. He can't make up his mind to get ridof that Borkin, and so all his possessions have been tricked and stolenfrom him. Every one who has had anything to do with Ivanoff has takenadvantage of his generosity to grow rich. 

LEBEDIEFF. Sasha, you little firebrand, that will do!

SASHA. Why do you all talk like this? This eternal subject of Ivanoff, Ivanoff, and always Ivanoff has grown insufferable, and yet you neverspeak of anything else. [She goes toward the door, then stops and comesback] I am surprised, [To the young men] and utterly astonished at yourpatience, young men! How can you sit there like that? Aren't you bored?Why, the very air is as dull as ditchwater! Do, for heaven's sake saysomething; try to amuse the girls a little, move about! Or if you can'ttalk of anything except Ivanoff, you might laugh or sing or dance----

LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] That's right, Sasha! Give them a good scolding. 

SASHA. Look here, will you do me a favour? If you refuse to dance orsing or laugh, if all that is tedious, then let me beg you, implore you, to summon all your powers, if only for this once, and make one witty orclever remark. Let it be as impertinent and malicious as you like, solong as it is funny and original. Won't you perform this miracle, justonce, to surprise us and make us laugh? Or else you might think of somelittle thing which you could all do together, something to make you stirabout. Let the girls admire you for once in their lives! Listen to me!I suppose you want them to like you? Then why don't try to make them doit? Oh, dear! There is something wrong with you all! You are a lot ofsleepy stick-in-the-muds! I have told you so a thousand times and shallalways go on repeating it; there is something wrong with every one ofyou; something wrong, wrong, wrong!

Enter IVANOFF and SHABELSKI through the door on the right. 

SHABELSKI. Who is making a speech here? Is it you, Sasha? [He laughs andshakes hands with her] Many happy returns of the day, my dear child. Mayyou live as long as possible in this life, but never be born again!

ZINAIDA. [Joyfully] My dear Count!

LEBEDIEFF. Who can this be? Not you, Count?

SHABELSKI. [Sees ZINAIDA and MARTHA sitting side by side] Two gold minesside by side! What a pleasant picture it makes! [He shakes hands withZINAIDA] Good evening, Zuzu! [Shakes hands with MARTHA] Good evening, Birdie!

ZINAIDA. I am charmed to see you, Count. You are a rare visitor herenow. [Calls] Gabriel, bring some tea! Please sit down. 

She gets up and goes to the door and back, evidently much preoccupied. SASHA sits down in her former place. IVANOFF silently shakes hands withevery one. 

LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] What miracle has brought you here? You havegiven us a great surprise. Why, Count, you're a rascal, you haven't beentreating us right at all. [Leads him forward by the hand] Tell me, whydon't you ever come to see us now? Are you offended?

SHABELSKI. How can I get here to see you? Astride a broomstick? I haveno horses of my own, and Nicholas won't take me with him when he goesout. He says I must stay at home to amuse Sarah. Send your horses for meand I shall come with pleasure. 

LEBE DIEFF. [With a wave of the hand] Oh, that is easy to say! But Zuzuwould rather have a fit than lend the horses to any one. My dear, dear old friend, you are more to me than any one I know! You and I aresurvivors of those good old days that are gone forever, and you alonebring back to my mind the love and longings of my lost youth. Of courseI am only joking, and yet, do you know, I am almost in tears?

SHABELSKI. Stop, stop! You smell like the air of a wine cellar. 

LEBEDIEFF. Dear friend, you cannot imagine how lonely I am without myold companions! I could hang myself! [Whispers] Zuzu has frightenedall the decent men away with her stingy ways, and now we have only thisriff-raff, as you see: Tom, Dick, and Harry. However, drink your tea. 

ZINAIDA. [Anxiously, to GABRIEL] Don't bring it in like that! Go fetchsome jam to eat with it!

SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Didn't I tell you so? [ToLEBEDIEFF] I bet him driving over, that as soon as we arrived Zuzu wouldwant to feed us with jam!

ZINAIDA. Still joking, Count! [She sits down. ]

LEBEDIEFF. She made twenty jars of it this year, and how else do youexpect her to get rid of it?

SHABELSKI. [Sits down near the table] Are you still adding to the hoard, Zuzu? You will soon have a million, eh?

ZINAIDA. [Sighing] I know it seems as if no one could be richer than we, but where do they think the money comes from? It is all gossip. 

SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, we all know that! We know how badly you play yourcards! Tell me, Paul, honestly, have you saved up a million yet?

LEBEDIEFF. I don't know. Ask Zuzu. 

SHABELSKI. [To MARTHA] And my plump little Birdie here will soon have amillion too! She is getting prettier and plumper not only every day, butevery hour. That means she has a nice little fortune. 

MARTHA. Thank you very much, your highness, but I don't like such jokes. 

SHABELSKI. My dear little gold mine, do you call that a joke? It was awail of the soul, a cry from the heart, that burst through my lips. My love for you and Zuzu is immense. [Gaily] Oh, rapture! Oh, bliss! Icannot look at you two without a madly beating heart!

ZINAIDA. You are still the same, Count. [To GEORGE] Put out the candlesplease, George. [GEORGE gives a start. He puts out the candles and sitsdown again] How is your wife, Nicholas?

IVANOFF. She is very ill. The doctor said to-day that she certainly hadconsumption. 

ZINAIDA. Really? Oh, how sad! [She sighs] And we are all so fond of her!

SHABELSKI. What trash you all talk! That story was invented by that shamdoctor, and is nothing but a trick of his. He wants to masquerade as anAesculapius, and so has started this consumption theory. Fortunatelyher husband isn't jealous. [IVANOFF makes an inpatient gesture] As forSarah, I wouldn't trust a word or an action of hers. I have made a pointall my life of mistrusting all doctors, lawyers, and women. They areshammers and deceivers. 

LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] You are an extraordinary person, Matthew! Youhave mounted this misanthropic hobby of yours, and you ride it throughthick and thin like a lunatic You are a man like any other, and yet, from the way you talk one would imagine that you had the pip, or a coldin the head. 

SHABELSKI. Would you have me go about kissing every rascal and scoundrelI meet?

LEBEDIEFF. Where do you find all these rascals and scoundrels?

SHABELSKI. Of course I am not talking of any one here present, nevertheless-----

LEBEDIEFF. There you are again with your "nevertheless. " All this issimply a fancy of yours. 

SHABELSKI. A fancy? It is lucky for you that you have no knowledge ofthe world!

LEBEDIEFF. My knowledge of the world is this: I must sit here preparedat any moment to have death come knocking at the door. That is myknowledge of the world. At our age, brother, you and I can't afford toworry about knowledge of the world. So then--[He calls] Oh, Gabriel!

SHABELSKI. You have had quite enough already. Look at your nose. 

LEBEDIEFF. No matter, old boy. I am not going to be married to-day. 

ZINAIDA. Doctor Lvoff has not been here for a long time. He seems tohave forgotten us. 

SASHA. That man is one of my aversions. I can't stand his icy sense ofhonour. He can't ask for a glass of water or smoke a cigarette withoutmaking a display of his remarkable honesty. Walking and talking, it iswritten on his brow: "I am an honest man. " He is a great bore. 

SHABELSKI. He is a narrow-minded, conceited medico. [Angrily] He shriekslike a parrot at every step: "Make way for honest endeavour!" and thinkshimself another St. Francis. Everybody is a rascal who doesn't make asmuch noise as he does. As for his penetration, it is simply remarkable!If a peasant is well off and lives decently, he sees at once that hemust be a thief and a scoundrel. If I wear a velvet coat and am dressedby my valet, I am a rascal and the valet is my slave. There is no placein this world for a man like him. I am actually afraid of him. Yes, indeed, he is likely, out of a sense of duty, to insult a man at anymoment and to call him a knave. 

IVANOFF. I am dreadfully tired of him, but I can't help liking him, too, he is so sincere. 

SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, his sincerity is beautiful! He came up to meyesterday evening and remarked absolutely apropos of nothing: "Count, Ihave a deep aversion to you!" It isn't as if he said such things simply, but they are extremely pointed. His voice trembles, his eyes flash, hisveins swell. Confound his infernal honesty! Supposing I am disgustingand odious to him? What is more natural? I know that I am, but I don'tlike to be told so to my face. I am a worthless old man, but he mighthave the decency to respect my grey hairs. Oh, what stupid, heartlesshonesty!

LEBEDIEFF. Come, come, you have been young yourself, and should makeallowances for him. 

SHABELSKI. Yes, I have been young and reckless; I have played the foolin my day and have seen plenty of knaves and scamps, but I have nevercalled a thief a thief to his face, or talked of ropes in the house of aman who had been hung. I knew how to behave, but this idiotic doctorof yours would think himself in the seventh heaven of happiness if fatewould allow him to pull my nose in public in the name of morality andhuman ideals. 

LEBEDIEFF. Young men are all stubborn and restive. I had an uncle oncewho thought himself a philosopher. He would fill his house with guests, and after he had had a drink he would get up on a chair, like this, andbegin: "You ignoramuses! You powers of darkness! This is the dawn of anew life!" And so on and so on; he would preach and preach----

SASHA. And the guests?

LEBEDIEFF. They would just sit and listen and go on drinking. Once, though, I challenged him to a duel, challenged my own uncle! It cameout of a discussion about Sir Francis Bacon. I was sitting, I remember, where Matthew is, and my uncle and the late Gerasim Nilitch werestanding over there, about where Nicholas is now. Well, Gerasim Nilitchpropounded this question----

Enter BORKIN. He is dressed like a dandy and carries a parcel under hisarm. He comes in singing and skipping through the door on the right. Amurmur of approval is heard. 

THE GIRLS. Oh, Michael Borkin!

LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Misha!

SHABELSKI. The soul of the company!

BORKIN. Here we are! [He runs up to SASHA] Most noble Signorina, letme be so bold as to wish to the whole world many happy returns of thebirthday of such an exquisite flower as you! As a token of my enthusiasmlet me presume to present you with these fireworks and this Bengal fireof my own manufacture. [He hands her the parcel] May they illuminate thenight as brightly as you illuminate the shadows of this dark world. [Hespreads them out theatrically before her. ]

SASHA. Thank you. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Why don't you send this Judaspacking?

BORKIN. [To LEBEDIEFF] My compliments to you, sir. [To IVANOFF] How areyou, my patron? [Sings] Nicholas voila, hey ho hey! [He greets everybodyin turn] Most highly honoured Zinaida! Oh, glorious Martha! Most ancientAvdotia! Noblest of Counts!

SHABELSKI. [Laughing] The life of the company! The moment he comes inthe air fe els livelier. Have you noticed it?

BORKIN. Whew! I am tired! I believe I have shaken hands with everybody. Well, ladies and gentlemen, haven't you some little tidbit to tellme; something spicy? [Speaking quickly to ZINAIDA] Oh, aunty! I havesomething to tell you. As I was on my way here--[To GABRIEL] Some tea, please Gabriel, but without jam--as I was on my way here I saw somepeasants down on the river-bank pulling the bark off the trees. Whydon't you lease that meadow?

LEBEDIEFF. [To IVANOFF] Why don't you send that Judas away?

ZINAIDA. [Startled] Why, that is quite true! I never thought of it. 

BORKIN. [Swinging his arms] I can't sit still! What tricks shall we beup to next, aunty? I am all on edge, Martha, absolutely exalted. [Hesings]

 "Once more I stand before thee!"

ZINAIDA. Think of something to amuse us, Misha, we are all bored. 

BORKIN. Yes, you look so. What is the matter with you all? Why are yousitting there as solemn as a jury? Come, let us play something; whatshall it be? Forfeits? Hide-and-seek? Tag? Shall we dance, or have thefireworks?

THE GIRLS. [Clapping their hands] The fireworks! The fireworks! [Theyrun into the garden. ]

SASHA. [ To IVANOFF] What makes you so depressed today?

IVANOFF. My head aches, little Sasha, and then I feel bored. 

SASHA. Come into the sitting-room with me. 

They go out through the door on the right. All the guests go into thegarden and ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF are left alone. 

ZINAIDA. That is what I like to see! A young man like Misha comes intothe room and in a minute he has everybody laughing. [She puts out thelarge lamp] There is no reason the candles should burn for nothing solong as they are all in the garden. [She blows out the candles. ]

LEBEDIEFF. [Following her] We really ought to give our guests somethingto eat, Zuzu!

ZINAIDA. What crowds of candles; no wonder we are thought rich. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Still following her] Do let them have something to eat, Zuzu; they are young and must be hungry by now, poor things--Zuzu!

ZINAIDA. The Count did not finish his tea, and all that sugar has beenwasted. [Goes out through the door on the left. ]

LEBEDIEFF. Bah! [Goes out into the garden. ]

Enter IVANOFF and SASHA through the door on the right. 

IVANOFF. This is how it is, Sasha: I used to work hard and think hard, and never tire; now, I neither do anything nor think anything, and Iam weary, body and soul. I feel I am terribly to blame, my conscienceleaves me no peace day or night, and yet I can't see clearly exactlywhat my mistakes are. And now comes my wife's illness, our poverty, thiseternal backbiting, gossiping, chattering, that foolish Borkin--My homehas become unendurable to me, and to live there is worse than torture. Frankly, Sasha, the presence of my wife, who loves me, has becomeunbearable. You are an old friend, little Sasha, you will not be angrywith me for speaking so openly. I came to you to be cheered, but I ambored here too, something urges me home again. Forgive me, I shall slipaway at once. 

SASHA. I can understand your trouble, Nicholas. You are unhappy becauseyou are lonely. You need some one at your side whom you can love, someone who understands you. 

IVANOFF. What an idea, Sasha! Fancy a crusty old badger like myselfstarting a love affair! Heaven preserve me from such misfortune! No, mylittle sage, this is not a case for romance. The fact is, I can endureall I have to suffer: sadness, sickness of mind, ruin, the loss of mywife, and my lonely, broken old age, but I cannot, I will not, endurethe contempt I have for myself! I am nearly killed by shame when I thinkthat a strong, healthy man like myself has become--oh, heaven only knowswhat--by no means a Manfred or a Hamlet! There are some unfortunates whofeel flattered when people call them Hamlets and cynics, but to me itis an insult. It wounds my pride and I am tortured by shame and sufferagony. 

SASHA. [Laughing through her tears] Nicholas, let us run away to Americatogether!

IVANOFF. I haven't the energy to take such a step as that, and besides, in America you--[They go toward the door into the garden] As a matter offact, Sasha, this is not a good place for you to live. When I look aboutat the men who surround you I am terrified for you; whom is there youcould marry? Your only chance will be if some passing lieutenant orstudent steals your heart and carries you away. 

Enter ZINAIDA through the door on the right with a jar of jam. 

IVANOFF. Excuse me, Sasha, I shall join you in a minute. 

SASHA goes out into the garden. 

IVANOFF. [To ZINAIDA] Zinaida, may I ask you a favour?

ZINAIDA. What is it?

IVANOFF. The fact is, you know, that the interest on my note is due dayafter to-morrow, but I should be more than obliged to you if you willlet me postpone the payment of it, or would let me add the interest tothe capital. I simply cannot pay it now; I haven't the money. 

ZINAIDA. Oh, Ivanoff, how could I do such a thing? Would it bebusiness-like? No, no, don't ask it, don't torment an unfortunate oldwoman. 

IVANOFF. I beg your pardon. [He goes out into the garden. ]

ZINAIDA. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What a fright he gave me! I am tremblingall over. [Goes out through the door on the right. ]

Enter KOSICH through the door on the left. He walks across the stage. 

KOSICH. I had the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the ace ofspades, and one, just one little heart, and she--may the foul fiend flyaway with her, --she couldn't make a little slam!

Goes out through the door on the right. Enter from the garden AVDOTIAand FIRST GUEST. 

AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her, the miserableold miser! How I should like it! Does she think it a joke to leave ussitting here since five o'clock without even offering us a crust to eat?What a house! What management!

FIRST GUEST. I am so bored that I feel like beating my head against thewall. Lord, what a queer lot of people! I shall soon be howling like awolf and snapping at them from hunger and weariness. 

AVDOTIA. How I should like to get my claws into her, the old sinner!

FIRST GUEST. I shall get a drink, old lady, and then home I go! I won'thave anything to do with these belles of yours. How the devil can a manthink of love who hasn't had a drop to drink since dinner?

AVDOTIA. Come on, we will go and find something. 

FIRST GUEST. Sh! Softly! I think the brandy is in the sideboard in thedining-room. We will find George! Sh!

They go out through the door on the left. Enter ANNA and LVOFF throughthe door on the right. 

ANNA. No, they will be glad to see us. Is no one here? Then they must bein the garden. 

LVOFF. I should like to know why you have brought me into this den ofwolves. This is no place for you and me; honourable people should not besubjected to such influences as these. 

ANNA. Listen to me, Mr. Honourable Man. When you are escorting a lady itis very bad manners to talk to her the whole way about nothing but yourown honesty. Such behaviour may be perfectly honest, but it is alsotedious, to say the least. Never tell a woman how good you are; let herfind it out herself. My Nicholas used only to sing and tell stories whenhe was young as you are, and yet every woman knew at once what kind of aman he was. 

LVOFF. Don't talk to me of your Nicholas; I know all about him!

ANNA. You are a very worthy man, but you don't know anything atall. Come into the garden. He never said: "I am an honest man; thesesurroundings are too narrow for me. " He never spoke of wolves' dens, called people bears or vultures. He left the animal kingdom alone, andthe most I have ever heard him say when he was excited was: "Oh, howunjust I have been to-day!" or "Annie, I am sorry for that man. " That'swhat he would say, but you--

ANNA and LVOFF go out. Enter AVDOTIA and FIRST GUEST through the door onthe left. 

FIRST GUEST. There isn't any in the dining-room, so it must besomewhere in the pantry. We must find George. Come this way, through thesitting-room. 

AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her!

They go out through the door on the right. MARTHA and BORKIN run inlaughing from the garden. SHABELSK I comes mincing behind them, laughingand rubbing his hands. 

MARTHA. Oh, I am so bored! [Laughs loudly] This is deadly! Every onelooks as if he had swallowed a poker. I am frozen to the marrow by thisicy dullness. [She skips about] Let us do something!

BORKIN catches her by the waist and kisses her cheek. 

SHABELSKI. [Laughing and snapping his fingers] Well, I'll be hanged![Cackling] Really, you know!

MARTHA. Let go! Let go, you wretch! What will the Count think? Stop, Isay!

BORKIN. Angel! Jewel! Lend me twenty-three hundred roubles. 

MARTHA. Most certainly not! Do what you please, but I'll thank you toleave my money alone. No, no, no! Oh, let go, will you?

SHABELSKI. [Mincing around them] The little birdie has its charms![Seriously] Come, that will do!

BORKIN. Let us come to the point, and consider my proposition franklyas a business arrangement. Answer me honestly, without tricks andequivocations, do you agree to do it or not? Listen to me; [Pointingto Shabelski] he needs money to the amount of at least three thousand ayear; you need a husband. Do you want to be a Countess?

SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly] Oh, the cynic!

BORKIN. Do you want to be a Countess or not?

MARTHA. [Excitedly] Wait a minute; really, Misha, these things aren'tdone in a second like this. If the Count wants to marry me, let him askme himself, and--and--I don't see, I don't understand--all this is sosudden----

BORKIN. Come, don't let us beat about the bush; this is a businessarrangement. Do you agree or not?

SHABELSKI. [Chuckling and rubbing his hands] Supposing I do marry her, eh? Hang it, why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? What do yousay, little puss? [He kisses her cheek] Dearest chick-a-biddy!

MARTHA. Stop! Stop! I hardly know what I am doing. Go away! No--don'tgo!

BORKIN. Answer at once: is it yes or no? We can't stand here forever. 

MARTHA. Look here, Count, come and visit me for three or four days. Itis gay at my house, not like this place. Come to-morrow. [To BORKIN] Oris this all a joke?

BORKIN. [Angrily] How could I joke on such a serious subject?

MARTHA. Wait! Stop! Oh, I feel faint! A Countess! I am fainting, I amfalling!

BORKIN and SHABELSKI laugh and catch her by the arms. They kiss hercheeks and lead her out through the door on the right. IVANOFF and SASHArun in from the garden. 

IVANOFF. [Desperately clutching his head] It can't be true! Don't Sasha, don't! Oh, I implore you not to!

SASHA. I love you madly. Without you my life can have no meaning, nohappiness, no hope. 

IVANOFF. Why, why do you say that? What do you mean? Little Sasha, don'tsay it!

SASHA. You were the only joy of my childhood; I loved you body and soulthen, as myself, but now--Oh, I love you, Nicholas! Take me with you tothe ends of the earth, wherever you wish; but for heaven's sake let usgo at once, or I shall die. 

IVANOFF. [Shaking with wild laughter] What is this? Is it the beginningfor me of a new life? Is it, Sasha? Oh, my happiness, my joy! [He drawsher to him] My freshness, my youth!

Enter ANNA from the garden. She sees her husband and SASHA, and stops asif petrified. 

IVANOFF. Oh, then I shall live once more? And work?

IVANOFF and SASHA kiss each other. After the kiss they look around andsee ANNA. 

IVANOFF. [With horror] Sarah!

The curtain falls. 

ACT III

Library in IVANOFF'S house. On the walls hang maps, pictures, guns, pistols, sickles, whips, etc. A writing-table. On it lie in disorderknick-knacks, papers, books, parcels, and several revolvers. Nearthe papers stand a lamp, a decanter of vodka, and a plate of saltedherrings. Pieces of bread and cucumber are scattered about. SHABELSKIand LEBEDIEFF are sitting at the writing-table. BORKIN is sittingastride a chair in the middle of the room. PETER is standing near thedoor. 

LEBEDIEFF. The policy of France is clear and definite; the French knowwhat they want: it is to skin those German sausages, but the Germansmust sing another song; France is not the only thorn in their flesh. 

SHABELSKI. Nonsense! In my opinion the Germans are cowards and theFrench are the same. They are showing their teeth at one another, butyou can take my word for it, they will not do more than that; they'llnever fight!

BORKIN. Why should they fight? Why all these congresses, this arming andexpense? Do you know what I would do in their place? I would catch allthe dogs in the kingdom and inoculate them with Pasteur's serum, then Iwould let them loose in the enemy's country, and the enemies would allgo mad in a month. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] His head is small, but the great ideas are hiddenaway in it like fish in the sea!

SHABELSKI. Oh, he is a genius. 

LEBEDIEFF. Heaven help you, Misha, you are a funny chap. [He stopslaughing] But how is this, gentlemen? Here we are talking Germany, Germany, and never a word about vodka! Repetatur! [He fills threeglasses] Here's to you all! [He drinks and eats] This herring is thebest of all relishes. 

SHABELSKI. No, no, these cucumbers are better; every wise man since thecreation of the world has been trying to invent something better thana salted cucumber, and not one has succeeded. [To PETER] Peter, go andfetch some more cucumbers. And Peter, tell the cook to make four littleonion pasties, and see that we get them hot. 

PETER goes out. 

LEBEDIEFF. Caviar is good with vodka, but it must be prepared withskill. Take a quarter of a pound of pressed caviar, two little onions, and a little olive oil; mix them together and put a slice of lemon ontop--so! Lord! The very perfume would drive you crazy!

BORKIN. Roast snipe are good too, but they must be cooked right. Theyshould first be cleaned, then sprinkled with bread crumbs, and roasteduntil they will crackle between the teeth--crunch, crunch!

SHABELSKI. We had something good at Martha's yesterday: white mushrooms. 

LEBEDIEFF. You don't say so!

SHABELSKI. And they were especially well prepared, too, with onions andbay-leaves and spices, you know. When the dish was opened, the odourthat floated out was simply intoxicating!

LEBEDIEFF. What do you say, gentlemen? Repetatur! [He drinks] Goodhealth to you! [He looks at his watch] I must be going. I can't wait forNicholas. So you say Martha gave you mushrooms? We haven't seen one athome. Will you please tell me, Count, what plot you are hatching thattakes you to Martha's so often?

SHABELSKI. [Nodding at BORKIN] He wants me to marry her. 

LEBEDIEFF. Wants you to marry her! How old are you?

SHABELSKI. Sixty-two. 

LEBEDIEFF. Really, you are just the age to marry, aren't you? And Marthais just suited to you!

BORKIN. This is not a question of Martha, but of Martha's money. 

LEBEDIEFF. Aren't you moonstruck, and don't you want the moon too?

SHABELSKI. Borkin here is quite in earnest about it; the clever fellowis sure I shall obey orders, and marry Martha. 

BORKIN. What do you mean? Aren't you sure yourself?

SHABELSKI. Are you mad? I never was sure of anything. Bah!

BORKIN. Many thanks! I am much obliged to you for the information. Soyou are trying to fool me, are you? First you say you will marry Marthaand then you say you won't; the devil only knows which you reallymean, but I have given her my word of honour that you will. So you havechanged your mind, have you?

SHABELSKI. He is actually in earnest; what an extraordinary man!

BORKIN. [losing his temper] If that is how you feel about it, why haveyou turned an honest woman's head? Her heart is set on your title, andshe can neither eat nor sleep for thinking of it. How can you make ajest of such things? Do you think such behaviour is honourable?

SHABELSKI. [Snapping his fingers] Well, why not play her this shabbytrick, after all? Eh? Just out of spite? I shall certainly do it, uponmy word I shall! What a joke it will be!

Enter LVOFF. 

LEBEDIEFF. We bow before you, Aesculapius! [He shakes hands with LVOFFand sings]

 "Doctor, doctor, save, oh, save me, I am scared to death of dying!"

LVOFF. Hasn't Ivanoff come home yet?

LEBEDIEFF. Not yet. I have been waiting for him myself for over an hour. 

LVOFF walks impatiently up and down. 

LEBEDIEFF. How is Anna to-day?

LVOFF. Very ill. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Sighing] May one go and pay one's respects to her?

LVOFF. No, please don't. She is asleep, I believe. 

LEBEDIEFF. She is a lovely, charming woman. [Sighing] The day shefainted at our house, on Sasha's birthday, I saw that she had not muchlonger to live, poor thing. Let me see, why did she faint? When I ranup, she was lying on the floor, ashy white, with Nicholas on his kneesbeside her, and Sasha was standing by them in tears. Sasha and I wentabout almost crazy for a week after that. 

SHABELSKI. [To LVOFF] Tell me, most honoured disciple of science, whatscholar discovered that the frequent visits of a young doctor werebeneficial to ladies suffering from affections of the chest? It isa remarkable discovery, remarkable! Would you call such treatmentAllopathic or Homeopathic?

LVOFF tries to answer, but makes an impatient gesture instead, and walksout of the room. 

SHABELSKI. What a withering look he gave me!

LEBEDIEFF. Some fiend must prompt you to say such things! Why did youoffend him?

SHABELSKI. [Angrily] Why does he tell such lies? Consumption! No hope!She is dying! It is nonsense, I can't abide him!

LEBEDIEFF. What makes you think he is lying?

SHABELSKI. [Gets up and walks up and down] I can't bear to think that aliving person could die like that, suddenly, without any reason at all. Don't let us talk about it!

KOSICH runs in panting. 

KOSICH. Is Ivanoff at home? How do you do? [He shakes hands quickly allround] Is he at home?

BORKIN. No, he isn't. 

KOSICH. [Sits down and jumps up again] In that case I must say goodbye;I must be going. Business, you know. I am absolutely exhausted; run offmy feet!

LEBEDIEFF. Where did you blow in from?

KOSICH. From Barabanoff's. He and I have been playing cards allnight; we have only just stopped. I have been absolutely fleeced; thatBarabanoff is a demon at cards. [In a tearful voice] Just listen tothis: I had a heart and he [He turns to BORKIN, who jumps away from him]led a diamond, and I led a heart, and he led another diamond. Well, hedidn't take the trick. [To LEBEDIEFF] We were playing three in clubs. Ihad the ace and queen, and the ace and ten of spades--

LEBEDIEFF. [Stopping up his ears] Spare me, for heaven's sake, spare me!

KOSICH. [To SHABELSKI] Do you understand? I had the ace and queen ofclubs, the ace and ten of spades. 

SHABELSKI. [Pushes him away] Go away, I don't want to listen to you!

KOSICH. When suddenly misfortune overtook me. My ace of spades took thefirst trick--

SHABELSKI. [Snatching up a revolver] Leave the room, or I shall shoot!

KOSICH. [Waving his hands] What does this mean? Is this the Australianbush, where no one has any interests in common? Where there is no publicspirit, and each man lives for himself alone? However, I must be off. Mytime is precious. [He shakes hands with LEBEDIEFF] Pass!

General laughter. KOSICH goes out. In the doorway he runs into AVDOTIA. 

AVDOTIA. [Shrieks] Bad luck to you, you nearly knocked me down. 

ALL. Oh, she is always everywhere at once!

AVDOTIA. So this is where you all are? I have been looking for you allover the house. Good-day to you, boys!

[She shakes hands with everybody. ]

LEBEDIEFF. What brings you here?

AVDOTIA. Business, my son. [To SHABELSKI] Business connected with yourhighness. She commanded me to bow. [She bows] And to inquire after yourhealth. She told me to say, the little birdie, that if you did not cometo see her this evening she would cry her eyes out. Take him aside, she said, and whisper in his ear. But why should I make a secret of hermessage? We are not stealing chickens, but arranging an affair of lawfullove by mutual consent of both parties. And now, although I never drink, I shall take a drop under these circumstances. 

LEBEDIEFF. So shall I. [He pours out the vodka] You must be immortal, you old magpie! You were an old woman when I first knew you, thirtyyears ago. 

AVDOTIA. I have lost count of the years. I have buried three husbands, and would have married a fourth if any one had wanted a woman without adowry. I have had eight children. [She takes up the glass] Well, we havebegun a good work, may it come to a good end! They will live happilyever after, and we shall enjoy their happiness. Love and good luck tothem both! [She drinks] This is strong vodka!

SHABELSKI. [laughing loudly, to LEBEDIEFF] The funny thing is, theyactually think I am in earnest. How strange! [He gets up] And yet, Paul, why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? Just out of spite? To givethe devil something to do, eh, Paul?

LEBEDIEFF. You are talking nonsense, Count. You and I must fix ourthoughts on dying now; we have left Martha's money far behind us; ourday is over. 

SHABELSKI. No, I shall certainly marry her; upon my word, I shall!

Enter IVANOFF and LVOFF. 

LVOFF. Will you please spare me five minutes of your time?

LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Nicholas! [He goes to meet IVANOFF] How are you, oldfriend? I have been waiting an hour for you. 

AVDOTIA. [Bows] How do you do, my son?

IVANOFF. [Bitterly] So you have turned my library into a bar-room again, have you? And yet I have begged you all a thousand times not to do so![He goes up to the table] There, you see, you have spilt vodka allover my papers and scattered crumbs and cucumbers everywhere! It isdisgusting!

LEBEDIEFF. I beg your pardon, Nicholas. Please forgive me. I havesomething very important to speak to you about. 

BORKIN. So have I. 

LVOFF. May I have a word with you?

IVANOFF. [Pointing to LEBEDIEFF] He wants to speak to me; wait a minute. [To LEBEDIEFF] Well, what is it?

LEBEDIEFF. [To the others] Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I want tospeak to him in private. 

SHABELSKI goes out, followed by AVDOTIA, BORKIN, and LVOFF. 

IVANOFF. Paul, you may drink yourself as much as you choose, it is yourweakness, but I must ask you not to make my uncle tipsy. He never usedto drink at all; it is bad for him. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Startled] My dear boy, I didn't know that! I wasn't thinkingof him at all. 

IVANOFF. If this old baby should die on my hands the blame would bemine, not yours. Now, what do you want? [A pause. ]

LEBEDIEFF. The fact is, Nicholas--I really don't know how I can putit to make it seem less brutal--Nicholas, I am ashamed of myself, I amblushing, my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. My dear boy, putyourself in my place; remember that I am not a free man, I am as puttyin the hands of my wife, a slave--forgive me!

IVANOFF. What does this mean?

LEBEDIEFF. My wife has sent me to you; do me a favour, be a friend tome, pay her the interest on the money you owe her. Believe me, she hasbeen tormenting me and going for me tooth and nail. For heaven's sake, free yourself from her clutches!

IVANOFF. You know, Paul, that I have no money now. 

LEBEDIEFF. I know, I know, but what can I do? She won't wait. If sheshould sue you for the money, how could Sasha and I ever look you in theface again?

IVANOFF. I am ready to sink through the floor with shame, Paul, butwhere, where shall I get the money? Tell me, where? There is nothing Ican do but to wait until I sell my wheat in the autumn. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Shrieks] But she won't wait! [A pause. ]

IVANOFF. Your position is very delicate and unpleasant, but mine iseven worse. [He walks up and down in deep thought] I am at my wit's end, there is nothing I can sell now. 

LEBEDIEFF. You might go to Mulbach and get some money from him; doesn'the owe you sixty thousand roubles?

IVANOFF makes a despairing gesture. 

LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas, I know you will be angry, but youmust forgive an old drunkard like me. This is between friends; rememberI am your friend. We were students together, both Liberals; we had thesame interests and ideals; we studied together at the University ofMoscow. It is our Alma Mater. [He takes out his purse] I have a privatefund here; not a soul at home knows of its existence. Let me lend itto you. [He takes out the money and lays it on the table] Forget yourpride; this is between friends! I should take it from you, indeed Ishould! [A pause] There is the money, one hundred thousand roubles. Takeit; go to her y ourself and say: "Take the money, Zinaida, and may youchoke on it. " Only, for heaven's sake, don't let her see by your mannerthat you got it from me, or she would certainly go for me, with her oldjam! [He looks intently into IVANOFF'S face] There, there, no matter. [He quickly takes up the money and stuffs it back into his pocket] Don'ttake it, I was only joking. Forgive me! Are you hurt?

IVANOFF waves his hand. 

LEBEDIEFF. Yes, the truth is--[He sighs] This is a time of sorrow andpain for you. A man, brother, is like a samovar; he cannot always standcoolly on a shelf; hot coals will be dropped into him some day, andthen--fizz! The comparison is idiotic, but it is the best I can thinkof. [Sighing] Misfortunes wring the soul, and yet I am not worried aboutyou, brother. Wheat goes through the mill, and comes out as flour, andyou will come safely through your troubles; but I am annoyed, Nicholas, and angry with the people around you. The whole countryside is buzzingwith gossip; where does it all start? They say you will be soon arrestedfor your debts, that you are a bloodthirsty murderer, a monster ofcruelty, a robber. 

IVANOFF. All that is nothing to me; my head is aching. 

LEBEDIEFF. Because you think so much. 

IVANOFF. I never think. 

LEBEDIEFF. Come, Nicholas, snap your fingers at the whole thing, anddrive over to visit us. Sasha loves and understands you. She is a sweet, honest, lovely girl; too good to be the child of her mother and me!Sometimes, when I look at her, I cannot believe that such a treasurecould belong to a fat old drunkard like me. Go to her, talk to her, andlet her cheer you. She is a good, true-hearted girl. 

IVANOFF. Paul, my dear friend, please go, and leave me alone. 

LEBEDIEFF. I understand, I understand! [He glances at his watch] Yes, Iunderstand. [He kisses IVANOFF] Good-bye, I must go to the blessingof the school now. [He goes as far as the door, then stops] She is soclever! Sasha and I were talking about gossiping yesterday, and sheflashed out this epigram: "Father, " she said, "fire-flies shine at nightso that the night-birds may make them their prey, and good people aremade to be preyed upon by gossips and slanderers. " What do you think ofthat? She is a genius, another George Sand!

IVANOFF. [Stopping him as he goes out] Paul, what is the matter with me?

LEBEDIEFF. I have wanted to ask you that myself, but I must confess Iwas ashamed to. I don't know, old chap. Sometimes I think your troubleshave been too heavy for you, and yet I know you are not the kind togive in to them; you would not be overcome by misfortune. It must besomething else, Nicholas, but what it may be I can't imagine. 

IVANOFF. I can't imagine either what the matter is, unless--and yetno--[A pause] Well, do you see, this is what I wanted to say. I used tohave a workman called Simon, you remember him. Once, at threshing-time, to show the girls how strong he was, he loaded himself with two sacksof rye, and broke his back. He died soon after. I think I have broken myback also. First I went to school, then to the university, then came thecares of this estate, all my plans--I did not believe what others did;did not marry as others did; I worked passionately, risked everything;no one else, as you know, threw their money away to right and left as Idid. So I heaped the burdens on my back, and it broke. We are all heroesat twenty, ready to attack anything, to do everything, and at thirty areworn-out, useless men. How, oh, how do you account for this weariness?However, I may be quite wrong; go away, Paul, I am boring you. 

LEBEDIEFF. I know what is the matter with you, old man: you got out ofbed on the wrong side this morning. 

IVANOFF. That is stupid, Paul, and stale. Go away!

LEBEDIEFF. It is stupid, certainly. I see that myself now. I am going atonce. [LEBEDIEFF goes out. ]

IVANOFF. [Alone] I am a worthless, miserable, useless man. Only a manequally miserable and suffering, as Paul is, could love or esteem menow. Good God! How I loathe myself! How bitterly I hate my voice, myhands, my thoughts, these clothes, each step I take! How ridiculous itis, how disgusting! Less than a year ago I was healthy and strong, fullof pride and energy and enthusiasm. I worked with these hands here, andmy words could move the dullest man to tears. I could weep with sorrow, and grow indignant at the sight of wrong. I could feel the glow ofinspiration, and understand the beauty and romance of the silent nightswhich I used to watch through from evening until dawn, sitting at myworktable, and giving up my soul to dreams. I believed in a brightfuture then, and looked into it as trustfully as a child looks into itsmother's eyes. And now, oh, it is terrible! I am tired and without hope;I spend my days and nights in idleness; I have no control over my feetor brain. My estate is ruined, my woods are falling under the blows ofthe axe. [He weeps] My neglected land looks up at me as reproachfullyas an orphan. I expect nothing, am sorry for nothing; my whole soultrembles at the thought of each new day. And what can I think of mytreatment of Sarah? I promised her love and happiness forever; I openedher eyes to the promise of a future such as she had never even dreamedof. She believed me, and though for five years I have seen her sinkingunder the weight of her sacrifices to me, and losing her strength inher struggles with her conscience, God knows she has never given me oneangry look, or uttered one word of reproach. What is the result? That Idon't love her! Why? Is it possible? Can it be true? I can't understand. She is suffering; her days are numbered; yet I fly like a contemptiblecoward from her white face, her sunken chest, her pleading eyes. Oh, Iam ashamed, ashamed! [A pause] Sasha, a young girl, is sorry for me inmy misery. She confesses to me that she loves me; me, almost an old man!Whereupon I lose my head, and exalted as if by music, I yell: "Hurrahfor a new life and new happiness!" Next day I believe in this new lifeand happiness as little as I believe in my happiness at home. What isthe matter with me? What is this pit I am wallowing in? What is thecause of this weakness? What does this nervousness come from? If my sickwife wounds my pride, if a servant makes a mistake, if my gun missesfire, I lose my temper and get violent and altogether unlike myself. I can't, I can't understand it; the easiest way out would be a bulletthrough the head!

Enter LVOFF. 

LVOFF. I must have an explanation with you, Ivanoff. 

IVANOFF. If we are going to have an explanation every day, doctor, weshall neither of us have the strength to stand it. 

LVOFF. Will you be good enough to hear me?

IVANOFF. I have heard all you have told me every day, and have failed todiscover yet what you want me to do. 

LVOFF. I have always spoken plainly enough, and only an utterlyheartless and cruel man could fail to understand me. 

IVANOFF. I know that my wife is dying; I know that I have sinnedirreparably; I know that you are an honest man. What more can you tellme?

LVOFF. The sight of human cruelty maddens me. The woman is dying andshe has a mother and father whom she loves, and longs to see once morebefore she dies. They know that she is dying and that she loves themstill, but with diabolical cruelty, as if to flaunt their religiouszeal, they refuse to see her and forgive her. You are the man for whomshe has sacrificed her home, her peace of mind, everything. Yet youunblushingly go gadding to the Lebedieffs' every evening, for reasonsthat are absolutely unmistakable!

IVANOFF. Ah me, it is two weeks since I was there!

LVOFF. [Not listening to him] To men like yourself one must speakplainly, and if you don't want to hear what I have to say, you need notlisten. I always call a spade a spade; the truth is, you want her todie so that the way may be cleared for your other schemes. Be it so;but can't you wait? If, instead of crushing the life out of your wife byyour heartless egoism, you let her die naturally, do you think you wouldlose Sasha and Sasha's money? Such an absolute Tartuffe as you are couldturn the girl's head and get her money a year from now as easily as youcan to-day. Why are you in such a hurry? Why do you want your wife todie now, instead of in a month's time, or a year's?

IVANOFF. This is torture! You are a very bad doctor if you think aman can control himself forever. It is all I can do not to answer yourinsults. 

LVOFF. Look here, whom are you trying to deceive? Throw off thisdisguise!

IVANOFF. You who are so clever, you think that nothing in the world iseasier than to understand me, do you? I married Annie for her money, didI? And when her parents wouldn't give it to me, I changed my plans, andam now hustling her out of the world so that I may marry another woman, who will bring me what I want? You think so, do you? Oh, how easy andsimple it all is! But you are mistaken, doctor; in each one of us thereare too many springs, too many wheels and cogs for us to judge eachother by first impressions or by two or three external indications. Ican not understand you, you cannot understand me, and neither of us canunderstand himself. A man may be a splendid doctor, and at the same timea very bad judge of human nature; you will admit that, unless you aretoo self-confident. 

LVOFF. Do you really think that your character is so mysterious, andthat I am too stupid to tell vice from virtue?

IVANOFF. It is clear that we shall never agree, so let me beg you toanswer me now without any more preamble: exactly what do you want me todo? [Angrily] What are you after anyway? And with whom have I the honourof speaking? With my lawyer, or with my wife's doctor?

LVOFF. I am a doctor, and as such I demand that you change your conducttoward your wife; it is killing her. 

IVANOFF. What shall I do? Tell me! If you understand me so much betterthan I understand myself, for heaven's sake tell me exactly what to do!

LVOFF. In the first place, don't be so unguarded in your behaviour. 

IVANOFF. Heaven help me, do you mean to say that you understandyourself? [He drinks some water] Now go away; I am guilty a thousandtimes over; I shall answer for my sins before God; but nothing has givenyou the right to torture me daily as you do. 

LVOFF. Who has given you the right to insult my sense of honour? Youhave maddened and poisoned my soul. Before I came to this place I knewthat stupid, crazy, deluded people existed, but I never imagined thatany one could be so criminal as to turn his mind deliberately in thedirection of wickedness. I loved and esteemed humanity then, but since Ihave known you--

IVANOFF. I have heard all that before. 

LVOFF. You have, have you?

He goes out, shrugging his shoulders. He sees SASHA, who comes in atthis moment dressed for riding. 

LVOFF. Now, however, I hope that we can understand one another!

IVANOFF. [Startled] Oh, Sasha, is that you?

SASHA. Yes, it is I. How are you? You didn't expect me, did you? Whyhaven't you been to see us?

IVANOFF. Sasha, this is really imprudent of you! Your coming will have aterrible effect on my wife!

SASHA. She won't see me; I came in by the back entrance; I shall go ina minute. I am so anxious about you. Tell me, are you well? Why haven'tyou been to see us for such a long time?

IVANOFF. My wife is offended already, and almost dying, and now you comehere; Sasha, Sasha, this is thoughtless and unkind of you. 

SASHA. How could I help coming? It is two weeks since you were at ourhouse, and you have not answered my letters. I imagined you sufferingdreadfully, or ill, or dead. I have not slept for nights. I am goingnow, but first tell me that you are well. 

IVANOFF. No, I am not well. I am a torment to myself, and every onetorments me without end. I can't stand it! And now you come here. Howmorbid and unnatural it all is, Sasha. I am terribly guilty. 

SASHA. What dreadful, pitiful speeches you make! So you are guilty, areyou? Tell me, then, what is it you have done?

IVANOFF I don't know; I don't know!

SASHA. That is no answer. Every sinner should know what he is guilty of. Perhaps you have been forging money?

IVANOFF. That is stupid. 

SASHA. Or are you guilty because you no longer love your wife? Perhapsyou are, but no one is master of his feelings, and you did not mean tostop loving her. Do you feel guilty because she saw me telling you thatI love you? No, that cannot be, because you did not want her to see it--

IVANOFF. [Interrupting her] And so on, and so on! First you say I love, and then you say I don't; that I am not master of my feelings. All theseare commonplace, worn-out sentiments, with which you cannot help me. 

SASHA. It is impossible to talk to you. [She looks at a picture on thewall] How well those dogs are drawn! Were they done from life?

IVANOFF. Yes, from life. And this whole romance of ours is a tediousold story; a man loses heart and begins to go down in the world; a girlappears, brave and strong of heart, and gives him a hand to help himto rise again. Such situations are pretty, but they are only found innovels and not in real life. 

SASHA. No, they are found in real life too. 

IVANOFF. Now I see how well you understand real life! My sufferings seemnoble to you; you imagine you have discovered in me a second Hamlet;but my state of mind in all its phases is only fit to furnish food forcontempt and derision. My contortions are ridiculous enough to make anyone die of laughter, and you want to play the guardian angel; you wantto do a noble deed and save me. Oh, how I hate myself to-day! I feelthat this tension must soon be relieved in some way. Either I shallbreak something, or else--

SASHA. That is exactly what you need. Let yourself go! Smash something;break it to pieces; give a yell! You are angry with me, it was foolishof me to come here. Very well, then, get excited about it; storm at me;stamp your feet! Well, aren't you getting angry?

IVANOFF. You ridiculous girl!

SASHA. Splendid! So we are smiling at last! Be kind, do me the favour ofsmiling once more!

IVANOFF. [Laughing] I have noticed that whenever you start reformingme and saving my soul, and teaching me how to be good, your face growsnaive, oh so naive, and your eyes grow as wide as if you were looking ata comet. Wait a moment; your shoulder is covered with dust. [He brushesher shoulder] A naive man is nothing better than a fool, but you womencontrive to be naive in such a way that in you it seems sweet, andgentle, and proper, and not as silly as it really is. What a strange wayyou have, though, of ignoring a man as long as he is well and happy, and fastening yourselves to him as soon as he begins to whine and godown-hill! Do you actually think it is worse to be the wife of a strongman than to nurse some whimpering invalid?

SASHA. Yes, it is worse. 

IVANOFF. Why do you think so? [Laughing loudly] It is a good thingDarwin can't hear what you are saying! He would be furious with you fordegrading the human race. Soon, thanks to your kindness, only invalidsand hypochondriacs will be born into the world. 

SASHA. There are a great many things a man cannot understand. Any girlwould rather love an unfortunate man than a fortunate one, because everygirl would like to do something by loving. A man has his work to do, andso for him love is kept in the background. To talk to his wife, to walkwith her in the garden, to pass the time pleasantly with her, that isall that love means to a man. But for us, love means life. I love you;that means that I dream only of how I shall cure you of your sadness, how I shall go with you to the ends of the earth. If you are in heaven, I am in heaven; if you are in the pit, I am in the pit. For instance, itwould be the greatest happiness for me to write all night for you, or towatch all night that no one should wake you. I remember that three yearsago, at threshing time, you came to us all dusty and sunburnt and tired, and asked for a drink. When I brought you a glass of water you werealready lying on the sofa and sleeping like a dead man. You slept therefor half a day, and all that time I watched by the door that no oneshould disturb you. How happy I was! The more a girl can do, the greaterher love will be; that is, I mean, the more she feels it. 

IVANOFF. The love that accomplishes things--hm--that is a fairy tale, a girl's dream; and yet, perhaps it is as it should be. [He shrugs hisshoulders] How can I tell? [Gaily] On my honour, Sasha, I really amquite a respectable man. Judge for yourself: I have always liked todiscuss things, but I have never in my life said that our women werecorrupt, or that such and such a woman was on the down-hill path. I havealways been grateful, and nothing more. No, nothing more. Dear child, how comical you are! And what a ridiculous old stupid I am! I shock allgood Christian folk, and go about complaining from morning to night. [He laughs and then leaves her suddenly] But you must go, Sasha; we haveforgotten ourselves. 

SASHA. Yes, it is time to go. Good-bye. I am afraid that that honestdoctor of yours will have told Anna out of a sense of duty that I amhere. Take my advice: go at once to your wife and stay with her. Stay, and stay, and stay, and if it should be for a year, you must stillstay, or for ten years. It is your duty. You must repent, and ask herforgiveness, and weep. That is what you ought to do, and the great thingis not to forget to do right. 

IVANOFF. Again I feel as if I were going crazy; again!

SASHA. Well, heaven help you! You must forget me entirely. In two weeksyou must send me a line and I shall be content with that. But I shallwrite to you--

BORKIN looks in at the door. 

BORKIN. Ivanoff, may I come in? [He sees SASHA] I beg your pardon, I didnot see you. Bonjour! [He bows. ]

SASHA. [Embarrassed] How do you do?

BORKIN. You are plumper and prettier than ever. 

SASHA. [To IVANOFF] I must go, Nicholas, I must go. [She goes out. ]

BORKIN. What a beautiful apparition! I came expecting prose and foundpoetry instead. [Sings]

"You showed yourself to the world as a bird----"

IVANOFF walks excitedly up and down. 

BORKIN. [Sits down] There is something in her, Nicholas, that onedoesn't find in other women, isn't there? An elfin strangeness. [Hesighs] Although she is without doubt the richest girl in the country, her mother is so stingy that no one will have her. After her mother'sdeath Sasha will have the whole fortune, but until then she will onlygive her ten thousand roubles and an old flat-iron, and to get that shewill have to humble herself to the ground. [He feels in his pockets]Will you have a smoke? [He offers IVANOFF his cigarette case] These arevery good. 

IVANOFF. [Comes toward BORKIN stifled with rage] Leave my house thisinstant, and don't you ever dare to set foot in it again! Go thisinstant!

BORKIN gets up and drops his cigarette. 

IVANOFF. Go at once!

BORKIN. Nicholas, what do you mean? Why are you so angry?

IVANOFF. Why! Where did you get those cigarettes? Where? You thinkperhaps that I don't know where you take the old man every day, and forwhat purpose?

BORKIN. [Shrugs his shoulders] What business is it of yours?

IVANOFF. You blackguard, you! The disgraceful rumours that you have beenspreading about me have made me disreputable in the eyes of the wholecountryside. You and I have nothing in common, and I ask you to leave myhouse this instant. 

BORKIN. I know that you are saying all this in a moment of irritation, and so I am not angry with you. Insult me as much as you please. [Hepicks up his cigarette] It is time though, to shake off this melancholyof yours; you're not a schoolboy. 

IVANOFF. What did I tell you? [Shuddering] Are you making fun of me?

Enter ANNA. 

BORKIN. There now, there comes Anna! I shall go. 

IVANOFF stops near the table and stands with his head bowed. 

ANNA. [After a pause] What did she come here for? What did she come herefor, I ask you?

IVANOFF. Don't ask me, Annie. [A pause] I am terribly guilty. Thinkof any punishment you want to inflict on me; I can stand anything, butdon't, oh, don't ask questions!

ANNA. [Angrily] So that is the sort of man you are? Now I understandyou, and can see how degraded, how dishonourable you are! Do youremember that you came to me once and lied to me about your love? Ibelieved you, and left my mother, my father, and my faith to follow you. Yes, you lied to me of goodness and honour, of your noble aspirationsand I believed every word----

IVANOFF. I have never lied to you, Annie. 

ANNA. I have lived with you five years now, and I am tired and ill, butI have always loved you and have never left you for a moment. Youhave been my idol, and what have you done? All this time you have beendeceiving me in the most dastardly way----

IVANOFF. Annie, don't say what isn't so. I have made mistakes, but Ihave never told a lie in my life. You dare not accuse me of that!

ANNA. It is all clear to me now. You married me because you expected mymother and father to forgive me and give you my money; that is what youexpected. 

IVANOFF. Good Lord, Annie! If I must suffer like this, I must have thepatience to bear it. [He begins to weep. ]

ANNA. Be quiet! When you found that I wasn't bringing you any money, you tried another game. Now I remember and understand everything. [Shebegins to cry] You have never loved me or been faithful to me--never!

IVANOFF. Sarah! That is a lie! Say what you want, but don't insult mewith a lie!

ANNA. You dishonest, degraded man! You owe money to Lebedieff, and now, to escape paying your debts, you are trying to turn the head of hisdaughter and betray her as you have betrayed me. Can you deny it?

IVANOFF. [Stifled with rage] For heaven's sake, be quiet! I can't answerfor what I may do! I am choking with rage and I--I might insult you!

ANNA. I am not the only one whom you have basely deceived. You havealways blamed Borkin for all your dishonest tricks, but now I know whosethey are. 

IVANOFF. Sarah, stop at once and go away, or else I shall say somethingterrible. I long to say a dreadful, cruel thing [He shrieks] Hold yourtongue, Jewess!

ANNA. I won't hold my tongue! You have deceived me too long for me to besilent now. 

IVANOFF. So you won't be quiet? [He struggles with himself] Go, forheaven's sake!

ANNA. Go now, and betray Sasha!

IVANOFF. Know then that you--are dying! The doctor told me that you aredying. 

ANNA. [Sits down and speaks in a low voice] When did he

IVANOFF. [Clutches his head with both hands] Oh, how guilty I am--howguilty! [He sobs. ]

The curtain falls. 

About a year passes between the third and fourth acts. 

ACT IV

A sitting-room in LEBEDIEFF'S house. In the middle of the wall at theback of the room is an arch dividing the sitting-room from the ballroom. To the right and left are doors. Some old bronzes are placed about theroom; family portraits are hanging on the walls. Everything is arrangedas if for some festivity. On the piano lies a violin; near it stands avioloncello. During the entire act guests, dressed as for a ball, areseen walking about in the ball-room. 

Enter LVOFF, looking at his watch. 

LVOFF. It is five o'clock. The ceremony must have begun. First thepriest will bless them, and then they will be led to the church to bemarried. Is this how virtue and justice triumph? Not being able to robSarah, he has tortured her to death; and now he has found another victimwhom he will deceive until he has robbed her, and then he will get ridof her as he got rid of poor Sarah. It is the same old sordid story. [A pause] He will live to a fine old age in the seventh heaven ofhappiness, and will die with a clear conscience. No, Ivanoff, it shallnot be! I shall drag your villainy to light! And when I tear off thataccursed mask of yours and show you to the world as the blackguard youare, you shall come plunging down headfirst from your seventh heaven, into a pit so deep that the devil himself will not be able to drag youout of it! I am a man of honour; it is my duty to interfere in suchcases as yours, and to open the eyes of the blind. I shall fulfil mymission, and to-morrow will find me far away from this accursedplace. [Thoughtfully] But what shall I do? To have an explanationwith Lebedieff would be a hopeless task. Shall I make a scandal, andchallenge Ivanoff to a duel? I am as excited as a child, and haveentirely lost the power of planning anything. What shall I do? Shall Ifight a duel?

Enter KOSICH. He goes gaily up to LVOFF. 

KOSICH. I declared a little slam in clubs yesterday, and made a grandslam! Only that man Barabanoff spoilt the whole game for me again. We were playing--well, I said "No trumps" and he said "Pass. " "Two inclubs, " he passed again. I made it two in hearts. He said "Three inclubs, " and just imagine, can you, what happened? I declared a littleslam and he never showed his ace! If he had showed his ace, the villain, I should have declared a grand slam in no trumps!

LVOFF. Excuse me, I don't play cards, and so it is impossible for me toshare your enthusiasm. When does the ceremony begin?

KOSICH. At once, I think. They are now bringing Zuzu to herself again. She is bellowing like a bull; she can't bear to see the money go. 

LVOFF. And what about the daughter?

KOSICH. No, it is the money. She doesn't like this affair anyway. He ismarrying her daughter, and that means he won't pay his debts for a longtime. One can't sue one's son-in-law. 

MARTHA, very much dressed up, struts across the stage past LVOFF andKOSICH. The latter bursts out laughing behind his hand. MARTHA looksaround. 

MARTHA. Idiot!

KOSICH digs her in the ribs and laughs loudly. 

MARTHA. Boor!

KOSICH. [Laughing] The woman's head has been turned. Before she fixedher eye on a title she was like any other woman, but there is no comingnear her now! [Angrily] A boor, indeed!

LVOFF. [Excitedly] Listen to me; tell me honestly, what do you think ofIvanoff?

KOSICH. He's no good at all. He plays cards like a lunatic. This is whathappened last year during Lent: I, the Count, Borkin and he, sat down toa game of cards. I led a----

LVOFF [Interrupting him] Is he a good man?

KOSICH. He? Yes, he's a good one! He and the Count are a pair of trumps. They have keen noses for a good game. First, Ivanoff set his heart onthe Jewess, then, when his schemes failed in that quarter, he turned histhoughts toward Zuzu's money-bags. I'll wager you he'll ruin Zuzu ina year. He will ruin Zuzu, and the Count will ruin Martha. They willgather up all the money they can lay hands on, and live happily everafter! But, doctor, why are you so pale to-day? You look like a ghost. 

LVOFF. Oh, it's nothing. I drank a little too much yesterday. 

Enter LEBEDIEFF with SASHA. 

LEBEDIEFF. We can have our talk here. [To LVOFF and KOSICH] Go into theball-room, you two old fogies, and talk to the girls. Sasha and I wantto talk alone here. 

KOSICH. [Snapping his fingers enthusiastically as he goes by SASHA] Whata picture! A queen of trumps!

LEBEDIEFF. Go along, you old cave-dweller; go along. 

KOSICH and LVOFF go out. 

LEBEDIEFF. Sit down, Sasha, there--[He sits down and looks about him]Listen to me attentively and with proper respect. The fact is, yourmother has asked me to say this, do you understand? I am not speakingfor myself. Your mother told me to speak to you. 

SASHA. Papa, do say it briefly!

LEBEDIEFF. When you are married we mean to give you fifteen thousandroubles. Please don't let us have any discussion about it afterward. Wait, now! Be quiet! That is only the beginning. The best is yetto come. We have allotted you fifteen thousand roubles, but inconsideration of the fact that Nicholas owes your mother nine thousand, that sum will have to be deducted from the amount we mean to give you. Very well. Now, beside that----

SASHA. Why do you tell me all this?

LEBEDIEFF. Your mother told me to. 

SASHA. Leave me in peace! If you had any respect for yourself or me youcould not permit yourself to speak to me in this way. I don't want yourmoney! I have not asked for it, and never shall. 

LEBEDIEFF. What are you attacking me for? The two rats in Gogol's fablesniffed first and then ran away, but you attack without even sniffing. 

SASHA. Leave me in peace, and do not offend my ears with your two-pennycalculations. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Losing his temper] Bah! You all, every one of you, do allyou can to make me cut my throat or kill somebody. One of you screechesand fusses all day and counts every penny, and the other is so cleverand humane and emancipated that she cannot understand her own father!I offend your ears, do I? Don't you realise that before I came here tooffend your ears I was being torn to pieces over there, [He points tothe door] literally drawn and quartered? So you cannot understand? Youtwo have addled my brain till I am utterly at my wits' end; indeed I am![He goes toward the door, and stops] I don't like this business at all;I don't like any thing about you--

SASHA. What is it, especially, that you don't like?

LEBEDIEFF. Everything, everything!

SASHA. What do you mean by everything?

LEBEDIEFF. Let me explain exactly what I mean. Everything displeases me. As for your marriage, I simply can't abide it. [He goes up to SASHA andspeaks caressingly] Forgive me, little Sasha, this marriage may be awise one; it may be honest and not misguided, nevertheless, there issomething about the whole affair that is not right; no, not right! Youare not marrying as other girls do; you are young and fresh and pureas a drop of water, and he is a widower, battered and worn. Heaven helphim. I don't understand him at all. [He kisses his daughter] Forgiveme for saying so, Sasha, but I am sure there is something crooked aboutthis affair; it is making a great deal of talk. It seems people aresaying that first Sarah died, and then suddenly Ivanoff wanted to marryyou. [Quickly] But, no, I am like an old woman; I am gossiping like amagpie. You must not listen to me or any one, only to your own heart. 

SASHA. Papa, I feel myself that there is something wrong about mymarriage. Something wrong, yes, wrong! Oh, if you only knew how heavymy heart is; this is unbearable! I am frightened and ashamed to confessthis; Papa darling, you must help me, for heaven's sake. Oh, can't youtell me what I should do?

LEBEDIEFF. What is the matter, Sasha, what is it?

SASHA. I am so frightened, more frightened than I have ever been before. [She glances around her] I cannot understand him now, and I never shall. He has not smiled or looked straight into my eyes once since we havebeen engaged. He is forever complaining and apologising for something;hinting at some crime he is guilty of, and trembling. I am so tired!There are even moments when I think--I think--that I do not love him asI should, and when he comes to see us, or talks to me, I get so tired!What does it mean, dear father? I am afraid. 

LEBEDIEFF. My darling, my only child, do as your old father advises you;give him up!

SASHA. [Frightened] Oh! How can you say that?

LEBEDIEFF. Yes, do it, little Sasha! It will make a scandal, all thetongues in the country will be wagging about it, but it is better tolive down a scandal than to ruin one's life. 

SASHA. Don't say that, father. Oh, don't. I refuse to listen! I mustcrush such gloomy thoughts. He is good and unhappy and misunderstood. Ishall love him and learn to understand him. I shall set him on his feetagain. I shall do my duty. That is settled. 

LEBEDIEFF. This is not your duty, but a delusion--

SASHA. We have said enough. I have confessed things to you that I havenot dared to admit even to myself. Don't speak about this to any one. Let us forget it. 

LEBEDIEFF. I am hopelessly puzzled, and either my mind is going fromold age or else you have all grown very clever, but I'll be hanged if Iunderstand this business at all. 

Enter SHABELSKI. 

SHABELSKI. Confound you all and myself, too! This is maddening!

LEBEDIEFF. What do you want?

SHABELSKI Seriously, I must really do something horrid and rascally, sothat not only I but everybody else will be disgusted by it. I certainlyshall find something to do, upon my word I shall! I have already toldBorkin to announce that I am to be married. [He laughs] Everybody is ascoundrel and I must be one too!

LEBEDIEFF. I am tired of you, Matthew. Look here, man you talk in such away that, excuse my saying so, you will soon find yourself in a lunaticasylum!

SHABELSKI. Could a lunatic asylum possibly be worse than this house, orany othe r? Kindly take me there at once. Please do! Everybody iswicked and futile and worthless and stupid; I am an object of disgust tomyself, I don't believe a word I say-----

LEBEDIEFF. Let me give you a piece of advice, old man; fill your mouthfull of tow, light it, and blow at everybody. Or, better still, takeyour hat and go home. This is a wedding, we all want to enjoy ourselvesand you are croaking like a raven. Yes, really. 

SHABELSKI leans on the piano and begins to sob. 

LEBEDIEFF. Good gracious, Matthew, Count! What is it, dear Matthew, oldfriend? Have I offended you? There, forgive me; I didn't mean to hurtyou. Come, drink some water. 

SHABELSKI. I don't want any water. [Raises his head. ]

LEBEDIEFF. What are you crying about?

SHABELSKI. Nothing in particular; I was just crying. 

LEBEDIEFF. Matthew, tell me the truth, what is it? What has happened?

SHABELSKI. I caught sight of that violoncello, and--and--I rememberedthe Jewess. 

LEBEDIEFF. What an unfortunate moment you have chosen to remember her. Peace be with her! But don't think of her now. 

SHABELSKI. We used to play duets together. She was a beautiful, aglorious woman. 

SASHA sobs. 

LEBEDIEFF. What, are you crying too? Stop, Sasha! Dear me, they are bothhowling now, and I--and I--Do go away; the guests will see you!

SHABELSKI. Paul, when the sun is shining, it is gay even in a cemetery. One can be cheerful even in old age if it is lighted by hope; but I havenothing to hope for--not a thing!

LEBEDIEFF. Yes, it is rather sad for you. You have no children, nomoney, no occupation. Well, but what is there to be done about it? [ToSASHA] What is the matter with you, Sasha?

SHABELSKI. Paul, give me some money. I will repay you in the next world. I would go to Paris and see my wife's grave. I have given away a greatdeal of money in my life, half my fortune indeed, and I have a right toask for some now. Besides, I am asking a friend. 

LEBEDIEFF. [Embarrassed] My dear boy, I haven't a penny. Allright though. That is to say, I can't promise anything, but youunderstand--very well, very well. [Aside] This is agony!

Enter MARTHA. 

MARTHA. Where is my partner? Count, how dare you leave me alone? You arehorrid! [She taps SHABELSKI on the arm with her fan]

SHABELSKI. [Impatiently] Leave me alone! I can't abide you!

MARTHA. [Frightened] How? What?

SHABELSKI. Go away!

MARTHA. [Sinks into an arm-chair] Oh! Oh! Oh! [She bursts into tears. ]

Enter ZINAIDA crying. 

ZINAIDA. Some one has just arrived; it must be one of the ushers. It istime for the ceremony to begin. 

SASHA. [Imploringly] Mother!

LEBEDIEFF. Well, now you are all bawling. What a quartette! Come, come, don't let us have any more of this dampness! Matthew! Martha! If you goon like this, I--I--shall cry too. [Bursts into tears] Heavens!

ZINAIDA. If you don't need your mother any more, if you are determinednot to obey her, I shall have to do as you want, and you have myblessing. 

Enter IVANOFF, dressed in a long coat, with gloves on. 

LEBEDIEFF This is the finishing touch! What do you want?

SHABELSKI. Why are you here?

IVANOFF. I beg your pardon, you must allow me to speak to Sasha alone. 

LEBEDIEFF. The bridegroom must not come to see the bride before thewedding. It is time for you to go to the church. 

IVANOFF. Paul, I implore you. 

LEBEDIEFF shrugs his shoulders. LEBEDIEFF, ZINAIDA, SHABELSKI, andMARTHA go out. 

SASHA. [Sternly] What do you want?

IVANOFF. I am choking with anger; I cannot speak calmly. Listen to me;as I was dressing just now for the wedding, I looked in the glass andsaw how grey my temples were. Sasha, this must not be! Let us end thissenseless comedy before it is too late. You are young and pure; you haveall your life before you, but I----

SASHA. The same old story; I have heard it a thousand times and I amtired of it. Go quickly to the church and don't keep everybody waiting!

IVANOFF. I shall go straight home, and you must explain to your familysomehow that there is to be no wedding. Explain it as you please. It istime we came to our senses. I have been playing the part of Hamlet andyou have been playing the part of a noble and devoted girl. We have keptup the farce long enough. 

SASHA. [Losing her temper] How can you speak to me like this? I won'thave it. 

IVANOFF. But I am speaking, and will continue to speak. 

SASHA. What do you mean by coming to me like this? Your melancholy hasbecome absolutely ridiculous!

IVANOFF. No, this is not melancholy. It is ridiculous, is it? Yes, I amlaughing, and if it were possible for me to laugh at myself a thousandtimes more bitterly I should do so and set the whole world laughing, too, in derision. A fierce light has suddenly broken over my soul; as Ilooked into the glass just now, I laughed at myself, and nearly went madwith shame. [He laughs] Melancholy indeed! Noble grief! Uncontrollablesorrow! It only remains for me now to begin to write verses! Shall Imope and complain, sadden everybody I meet, confess that my manhoodhas gone forever, that I have decayed, outlived my purpose, that Ihave given myself up to cowardice and am bound hand and foot by thisloathsome melancholy? Shall I confess all this when the sun is shiningso brightly and when even the ants are carrying their little burdens inpeaceful self-content? No, thanks. Can I endure the knowledge that onewill look upon me as a fraud, while another pities me, a third lendsme a helping hand, or worst of all, a fourth listens reverently to mysighs, looks upon me as a new Mahomet, and expects me to expound a newreligion every moment? No, thank God for the pride and conscience he hasleft me still. On my way here I laughed at myself, and it seemed to methat the flowers and birds were laughing mockingly too. 

SASHA. This is not anger, but madness!

IVANOFF. You think so, do you? No, I am not mad. I see things in theirright light now, and my mind is as clear as your conscience. We loveeach other, but we shall never be married. It makes no difference how Irave and grow bitter by myself, but I have no right to drag anotherdown with me. My melancholy robbed my wife of the last year of her life. Since you have been engaged to me you have forgotten how to laugh andhave aged five years. Your father, to whom life was always simple andclear, thanks to me, is now unable to understand anybody. Wherever I go, whether hunting or visiting, it makes no difference, I carry depression, dulness, and discontent along with me. Wait! Don't interrupt me! I ambitter and harsh, I know, but I am stifled with rage. I cannot speakotherwise. I have never lied, and I never used to find fault with mylot, but since I have begun to complain of everything, I find fault withit involuntarily, and against my will. When I murmur at my fate everyone who hears me is seized with the same disgust of life and begins togrumble too. And what a strange way I have of looking at things!Exactly as if I were doing the world a favour by living in it. Oh, I amcontemptible. 

SASHA. Wait a moment. From what you have just said, it is obvious thatyou are tired of your melancholy mood, and that the time has come foryou to begin life afresh. How splendid!

IVANOFF. I don't see anything splendid about it. How can I lead a newlife? I am lost forever. It is time we both understood that. A new lifeindeed!

SASHA. Nicholas, come to your senses. How can you say you are lost? Whatdo you mean by such cynicism? No, I won't listen to you or talk withyou. Go to the church!

IVANOFF. I am lost!

SASHA. Don't talk so loud; our guests will hear you!

IVANOFF. If an intelligent, educated, and healthy man begins to complainof his lot and go down-hill, there is nothing for him to do but to go ondown until he reaches the bottom--there is no hope for him. Where couldmy salvation come from? How can I save myself? I cannot drink, becauseit makes my head ache. I never could write bad poetry. I cannot pray forstrength and see anything lofty in the languor of my soul. Laziness islaziness and weakness weakness. I can find no other names for them. Iam lost, I am lost; there is no doubt of that. [Looking around] Some onemight come in; listen, Sasha, if you love me you must help me. Renounceme this minute; quickly!

SASHA. Oh, Nicholas! If you only knew how you are torturing me; whatagony I have to endure for your sake! Good thoughtful friend, judge foryourself; can I possibly solve such a problem? Each day you put somehorrible problem before me, each one more difficult than the last. Iwanted to help you with my love, but this is martyrdom!

IVANOFF. And when you are my wife the problems will be harder than ever. Understand this: it is not love that is urging you to take this step, but the obstinacy of an honest nature. You have undertaken to reawakenthe man in me and to save me in the face of every difficulty, and youare flattered by the hope of achieving your object. You are willing togive up now, but you are prevented from doing it by a feeling that is afalse one. Understand yourself!

SASHA. What strange, wild reasoning! How can I give you up now? Howcan I? You have no mother, or sister, or friends. You are ruined; yourestate has been destroyed; every one is speaking ill of you--

IVANOFF. It was foolish of me to come here; I should have done as Iwanted to--

Enter LEBEDIEFF. 

SASHA. [Running to her father] Father! He has rushed over here like amadman, and is torturing me! He insists that I should refuse to marryhim; he says he doesn't want to drag me down with him. Tell him that Iwon't accept his generosity. I know what I am doing!

LEBEDIEFF. I can't understand a word of what you are saying. Whatgenerosity?

IVANOFF. This marriage is not going to take place. 

SASHA. It is going to take place. Papa, tell him that it is going totake place. 

LEBEDIEFF. Wait! Wait! What objection have you to the marriage?

IVANOFF. I have explained it all to her, but she refuses to understandme. 

LEBEDIEFF. Don't explain it to her, but to me, and explain it so that Imay understand. God forgive you, Nicholas, you have brought a great dealof darkness into our lives. I feel as if I were living in a museum; Ilook about me and don't understand anything I see. This is torture. Whaton earth can an old man like me do with you? Shall I challenge you to aduel?

IVANOFF. There is no need of a duel. All you need is a head on yourshoulders and a knowledge of the Russian language. 

SASHA. [Walks up and down in great excitement] This is dreadful, dreadful! Absolutely childish. 

LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas; from your point of view what you aredoing is quite right and proper, according to the rules of psychology, but I think this affair is a scandal and a great misfortune. I am an oldman; hear me out for the last time. This is what I want to say to you:calm yourself; look at things simply, as every one else does; this isa simple world. The ceiling is white; your boots are black; sugar issweet. You love Sasha and she loves you. If you love her, stay withher; if you don't, leave her. We shan't blame you. It is all perfectlysimple. You are two healthy, intelligent, moral young people; thank God, you both have food and clothing--what more do you want? What if youhave no money? That is no great misfortune--happiness is not bought withwealth. Of course your estate is mortgaged, Nicholas, as I know, and youhave no money to pay the interest on the debt, but I am Sasha's father. I understand. Her mother can do as she likes--if she won't give anymoney, why, confound her, then she needn't, that's all! Sasha has justsaid that she does not want her part of it. As for your principles, Schopenhauer and all that, it is all folly. I have one hundred thousandroubles in the bank. [Looking around him] Not a soul in the house knowsit; it was my grandmother's money. That shall be for you both. Take it, give Matthew two thousand--

[The guests begin to collect in the ball-room]. 

IVANOFF. It is no use discussing it any more, I must act as myconscience bids me. 

SASHA. And I shall act as my conscience bids me--you may say what youplease; I refuse to let you go! I am going to call my mother. 

LEBEDIEFF. I am utterly puzzled. 

IVANOFF. Listen to me, poor old friend. I shall not try to explainmyself to you. I shall not tell you whether I am honest or a rascal, healthy or mad; you wouldn't understand me. I was young once; I havebeen eager and sincere and intelligent. I have loved and hated andbelieved as no one else has. I have worked and hoped and tilted againstwindmills with the strength of ten--not sparing my strength, not knowingwhat life was. I shouldered a load that broke my back. I drank, Iworked, I excited myself, my energy knew no bounds. Tell me, could Ihave done otherwise? There are so few of us and so much to do, so muchto do! And see how cruelly fate has revenged herself on me, who foughtwith her so bravely! I am a broken man. I am old at thirty. I havesubmitted myself to old age. With a heavy head and a sluggish mind, weary, used up, discouraged, without faith or love or an object in life, I wander like a shadow among other men, not knowing why I am alive orwhat it is that I want. Love seems to me to be folly, caresses false. I see no sense in working or playing, and all passionate speeches seeminsipid and tiresome. So I carry my sadness with me wherever I go; acold weariness, a discontent, a horror of life. Yes, I am lost for everand ever. Before you stands a man who at thirty-five is disillusioned, wearied by fruitless efforts, burning with shame, and mocking at his ownweakness. Oh, how my pride rebels against it all! What mad fury chokesme! [He staggers] I am staggering--my strength is failing me. Where isMatthew? Let him take me home. 

[Voices from the ball-room] The best man has arrived!

Enter SHABELSKI. 

SHABELSKI. In an old worn-out coat--without gloves! How many scornfulglances I get for it! Such silly jokes and vulgar grins! Disgustingpeople. 

Enter BORKIN quickly. He is carrying a bunch of flowers and is in adress-coat. He wears a flower in his buttonhole. 

BORKIN. This is dreadful! Where is he? [To IVANOFF] They have beenwaiting for you for a long time in the church, and here you are talkingphilosophy! What a funny chap you are. Don't you know you must not goto church with the bride, but alone, with me? I shall then come back forher. Is it possible you have not understood that? You certainly are anextraordinary man!

Enter LVOFF. 

LVOFF. [To IVANOFF] Ah! So you are here? [Loudly] Nicholas Ivanoff, Idenounce you to the world as a scoundrel!

IVANOFF. [Coldly] Many thanks!

BORKIN. [To LVOFF] Sir, this is dastardly! I challenge you to a duel!

LVOFF. Monsieur Borkin, I count it a disgrace not only to fight withyou, but even to talk to you! Monsieur Ivanoff, however, can receivesatisfaction from me whenever he chooses!

SHABELSKI. Sir, I shall fight you!

SASHA. [To LVOFF] Why, oh why, have you insulted him? Gentlemen, I begyou, let him tell me why he has insulted him. 

LVOFF. Miss Sasha, I have not insulted him without cause. I came hereas a man of honour, to open your eyes, and I beg you to listen to what Ihave to tell you. 

SASHA. What can you possibly have to tell me? That you are a man ofhonour? The whole world knows it. You had better tell me on your honourwhether you understand what you have done or not. You have come inhere as a man of honour and have insulted him so terribly that you havenearly killed me. When you used to follow him like a shadow and almostkeep him from living, you were convinced that you were doing your dutyand that you were acting like a man of honour. When you interfered inhis private affairs, maligned him and criticised him; when you sent meand whomever else you could, anonymous letters, you imagined yourself tobe an honourable man! And, thinking that that too was honourable, you, a doctor, did not even spare his dying wife or give her a moment's peacefrom your suspicions. And no matter what violence, what cruel wrong youcommitted, you still imagined yourself to be an unusually honourable andclear-sighted man. 

IVANOFF. [Laughing] This is not a wedding, but a parliament! Bravo!Bravo!

SASHA. [To LVOFF] Now, think it over! Do you see what sort of a man youare, or not? Oh, the stupid, heartless people! [Takes IVANOFF by thehand] Come away from here Nicholas! Come, father, let us go!

IVANOFF. Where shall we go? Wait a moment. I shall soon put an end tothe whole thing. My youth is awake in me again; the former Ivanoff ishere once more. 

[He takes out a revolver. ]

SASHA. [Shrieking] I know what he wants to do! Nicholas, for God's sake!

IVANOFF. I have been slipping down-hill long enough. Now, halt! It istime to know what honour is. Out of the way! Thank you, Sasha!

SASHA. [Shrieking] Nicholas! For God's sake hold him!

IVANOFF. Let go! [He rushes aside, and shoots himself. ]

The curtain falls.