DROLL STORIES

 COLLECTED FROM THE ABBEYS OF TOURAINE

 BY

 HONORE DE BALZAC

 TRANSLATORS PREFACE

When, in March, 1832, the first volume of the now famous _ContesDrolatiques_ was published by Gosselin of Paris, Balzac, in a shortpreface, written in the publisher's name, replied to those attackswhich he anticipated certain critics would make upon his hardyexperiment. He claimed for his book the protection of all those towhom literature was dear, because it was a work of art--and a work ofart, in the highest sense of the word, it undoubtedly is. LikeBoccaccio, Rabelais, the Queen of Navarre, Ariosto, and Verville, thegreat author of _The Human Comedy_ has painted an epoch. In the freshand wonderful language of the Merry Vicar Of Meudon, he has given us amarvellous picture of French life and manners in the sixteenthcentury. The gallant knights and merry dames of that eventful periodof French history stand out in bold relief upon his canvas. Thebackground in these life-like figures is, as it were, "sketched uponthe spot. " After reading the _Contes Drolatiques_, one could almost findone's way about the towns and villages of Touraine, unassisted by mapor guide. Not only is this book a work of art from its historicalinformation and topographical accuracy; its claims to that distinctionrest upon a broader foundation. Written in the nineteenth century inimitation of the style of the sixteenth, it is a triumph of literaryarchaeology. It is a model of that which it professes to imitate; theproduction of a writer who, to accomplish it, must have been at oncehistorian, linguist, philosopher, archaeologist, and anatomist, andeach in no ordinary degree. In France, his work has long been regardedas a classic--as a faithful picture of the last days of the moyen age, when kings and princesses, brave gentlemen and haughty ladies laughedopenly at stories and jokes which are considered disgraceful by theirmore fastidious descendants. In England the difficulties of thelanguage employed, and the quaintness and peculiarity of its style, have placed it beyond the reach of all but those thoroughly acquaintedwith the French of the sixteenth century. Taking into considerationthe vast amount of historical information enshrined in its pages, thearchaeological value which it must always possess for the student, andthe dramatic interest of its stories, the translator has thought thatan English edition of Balzac's chef-d'oeuvre would be acceptable tomany. It has, of course, been impossible to reproduce in all itsvigour and freshness the language of the original. Many of the quipsand cranks and puns have been lost in the process of Anglicising. These unavoidable blemishes apart, the writer ventures to hope that hehas treated this great masterpiece in a reverent spirit, touched itwith no sacrilegious hand, but, on the contrary, given as close atranslation as the dissimilarities of the two languages permit. Withthis idea, no attempt had been made to polish or round many of theawkwardly constructed sentences which are characteristic of thisvolume. Rough, and occasionally obscure, they are far more in keepingwith the spirit of the original than the polished periods of modernromance. Taking into consideration the many difficulties which he hashad to overcome, and which those best acquainted with the Frenchedition will best appreciate, the translator claims the indulgence ofthe critical reader for any shortcomings he may discover. The bestplea that can be offered for such indulgence is the fact that, although _Les Contes Drolatiques_ was completed and published in 1837, the present is the first English version ever brought before thepublic. 

London, January, 1874

 VOLUME I THE FIRST TEN TALES

 CONTENTS

PROLOGUETHE FAIR IMPERIATHE VENIAL SIN HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE'S MODESTY THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNINGTHE KING'S SWEETHEARTTHE DEVIL'S HEIRTHE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTHTHE HIGH CONSTABLE'S WIFETHE MAID OF THILOUSETHE BROTHER-IN-ARMSTHE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAUTHE REPROACHEPILOGUE

 PROLOGUE

This is a book of the highest flavour, full of right hearty merriment, spiced to the palate of the illustrious and very precious tosspots anddrinkers, to whom our worthy compatriot, Francois Rabelais, theeternal honour of Touraine, addressed himself. Be it neverthelessunderstood, the author has no other desire than to be a goodTouranian, and joyfully to chronicle the merry doings of the famouspeople of this sweet and productive land, more fertile in cuckolds, dandies and witty wags than any other, and which has furnished a goodshare of men of renown in France, as witness the departed Courier ofpiquant memory; Verville, author of _Moyen de Parvenir_, and othersequally well known, among whom we will specially mention the SieurDescartes, because he was a melancholy genius, and devoted himselfmore to brown studies than to drinks and dainties, a man of whom allthe cooks and confectioners of Tours have a wise horror, whom theydespise, and will not hear spoken of, and say, "Where does he live?"if his name is mentioned. Now this work is the production of thejoyous leisure of good old monks, of whom there are many vestigesscattered about the country, at Grenadiere-les-St. -Cyr, in the villageof Sacche-les-Azay-le-Rideau, at Marmoustiers, Veretz, Roche-Cobon, and the certain storehouses of good stories, which storehouses are theupper stories of old canons and wise dames, who remember the good olddays when they could enjoy a hearty laugh without looking to see iftheir hilarity disturbed the sit of your ruffle, as do the young womenof the present day, who wish to take their pleasure gravely--a customwhich suits our Gay France as much as a water jug would the head of aqueen. Since laughter is a privilege granted to man alone, and he hassufficient causes for tears within his reach, without adding to themby books, I have considered it a thing most patriotic to publish adrachm of merriment for these times, when weariness falls like a finerain, wetting us, soaking into us, and dissolving those ancientcustoms which make the people to reap public amusement from theRepublic. But of those old pantagruelists who allowed God and the kingto conduct their own affairs without putting of their finger in thepie oftener than they could help, being content to look on and laugh, there are very few left. They are dying out day by day in such mannerthat I fear greatly to see these illustrious fragments of the ancientbreviary spat upon, staled upon, set at naught, dishonoured, andblamed, the which I should be loath to see, since I have and beargreat respect for the refuse of our Gallic antiquities. 

Bear in mind also, ye wild critics, you scrapers-up of words, harpieswho mangle the intentions and inventions of everyone, that as childrenonly do we laugh, and as we travel onward laughter sinks down and diesout, like the light of the oil-lit lamp. This signifies, that to laughyou must be innocent, and pure of a heart, lacking which qualities youpurse your lips, drop your jaws, and knit your brow, after the mannerof men hiding vices and impurities. Take, then, this work as you wouldtake a group of statue, certain features of which an artist couldomit, and he would be the biggest of all big fools if he puts leavesupon them, seeing that these said works are not, any more than is thisbook, intended for nunneries. Nevertheless, I have taken care, much tomy vexation, to weed from the manuscripts the old words, which, inspite of their age, were still strong, and which would have shockedthe ears, astonished the eyes, reddened the cheeks and sullied thelips of trousered maidens, and Madame Virtue with three lovers; forcertain things must be done to suit the vices of the age, and aperiphrase is much more agreeable than the word. Indeed, we are old, and find long trifles, better than the short follies of our youth, because at that time our taste was better. Then spare me yourslanders, and read this rather at night than in the daytime and giveit not to young maidens, if there be any, because this book isinflammable. I will now rid you of myself. But I fear nothing fromthis book, since it is extracted from a high and splendid source, fromwhich all that has issued has had a great success, as is amply provedby the royal orders of the Golden Fleece, of the Holy Ghost, of theGarter, of the Bath, and by many notable things which have been takentherefrom, under shelter of which I place myself. 

_Now make ye merry, my hearties, and gayly read with ease of body andrest of reins, and may a cancer carry you if you disown me afterhaving read me. _

These words are those of our good Master Rabelais, before whom we mustalso stand, hat in hand, in token of reverence and honour to him, prince of all wisdom, and king of Comedy. 

 THE FAIR IMPERIA

The Archbishop of Bordeaux had added to his suite when going to theCouncil at Constance quite a good-looking little priest of Tourainewhose ways and manner of speech was so charming that he passed for ason of La Soldee and the Governor. The Archbishop of Tours hadwillingly given him to his confrere for his journey to that town, because it was usual for archbishops to make each other presents, theywell knowing how sharp are the itchings of theological palms. Thusthis young priest came to the Council and was lodged in theestablishment of his prelate, a man of good morals and great science. 

Philippe de Mala, as he was called, resolved to behave well andworthily to serve his protector, but he saw in this mysterious Councilmany men leading a dissolute life and yet not making less, nay--gaining more indulgences, gold crowns and benefices than all theother virtuous and well-behaved ones. Now during one night--dangerousto his virtue--the devil whispered into his ear that he should livemore luxuriously, since every one sucked the breasts of our Holy MotherChurch and yet they were not drained, a miracle which proved beyonddoubt the existence of God. And the priest of Touraine did notdisappoint the devil. He promised to feast himself, to eat hisbellyful of roast meats and other German delicacies, when he could doso without paying for them as he was poor. As he remained quitecontinent (in which he followed the example of the poor old archbishopwho sinned no longer because he was unable to, and passed for asaint, ) he had to suffer from intolerable desires followed by fits ofmelancholy, since there were so many sweet courtesans, well developed, but cold to the poor people, who inhabited Constance, to enlighten theunderstanding of the Fathers of the Council. He was savage that he didnot know how to make up to these gallant sirens, who snubbedcardinals, abbots, councillors, legates, bishops, princes andmargraves just as if they have been penniless clerks. And in theevening, after prayers, he would practice speaking to them, teachinghimself the breviary of love. He taught himself to answer all possiblequestions, but on the morrow if by chance he met one of the aforesaidprincesses dressed out, seated in a litter and escorted by her proudand well-armed pages, he remained open-mouthed, like a dog in the actof catching flies, at the sight of sweet countenance that so muchinflamed him. The secretary of a Monseigneur, a gentleman of Perigord, having clearly explained to him that the Fathers, procureurs, andauditors of the Rota bought by certain presents, not relics orindulgences, but jewels and gold, the favour of being familiar withthe best of these pampered cats who lived under the protection of thelords of the Council; the poor Touranian, all simpleton and innocentas he was, treasured up under his mattress the money given him by thegood archbishop for writings and copying--hoping one day to haveenough just to see a cardinal's lady-love, and trusting to God for therest. He was hairless from top to toe and resembled a man about asmuch as a goat with a night-dress on resembles a young lady, butprompted by his desires he wandered in the evenings through thestreets of Constance, careless of his life, and, at the risk of havinghis body halberded by the soldiers, he peeped at the cardinalsentering the houses of their sweethearts. Then he saw the wax-candleslighted in the houses and suddenly the doors and the windows closed. Then he heard the blessed abbots or others jumping about, drinking, enjoying themselves, love-making, singing _Alleluia_ and applauding themusic with which they were being regaled. The kitchen performedmiracles, the Offices said were fine rich pots-full, the Matins sweetlittle hams, the Vespers luscious mouthful, and the Lauhes delicatesweetmeats, and after their little carouses, these brave priests weresilent, their pages diced upon the stairs, their mules stampedrestively in the streets; everything went well--but faith and religionwas there. That is how it came to pass the good man Huss was burned. And the reason? He put his finger in the pie without being asked. Thenwhy was he a Huguenot before the others?

To return, however to our sweet little Philippe, not unfrequently didhe receive many a thump and hard blow, but the devil sustained him, inciting him to believe that sooner or later it would come to his turnto play the cardinal to some lovely dame. This ardent desire gave himthe boldness of a stag in autumn, so much so that one evening hequietly tripped up the steps and into one of the first houses inConstance where often he had seen officers, seneschals, valets, andpages waiting with torches for their masters, dukes, kings, cardinalsand archbishops. 

"Ah!" said he, "she must be very beautiful and amiable, this one. "

A soldier well armed allowed him to pass, believing him to belong tothe suite of the Elector of Bavaria, who had just left, and that hewas going to deliver a message on behalf of the above-mentionednobleman. Philippe de Mala mounted the stairs as lightly as agreyhound in love, and was guided by delectable odour of perfume tocertain chamber where, surrounded by her handmaidens, the lady of thehouse was divesting herself of her attire. He stood quite dumbfoundedlike a thief surprised by sergeants. The lady was without petticoat orhead-dress. The chambermaid and the servants, busy taking off herstockings and undressing her, so quickly and dextrously had herstripped, that the priest, overcome, gave vent to a long Ah! which hadthe flavour of love about it. 

"What want _you_, little one?" said the lady to him. 

"To yield my soul to you, " said he, flashing his eyes upon her. 

"You can come again to-morrow, " said she, in order to be rid of him. 

To which Philippe replied, blushing, "I will not fail. "

Then she burst out laughing. Philippe, struck motionless, stood quiteat his ease, letting wander over her his eyes that glowed and sparkledwith the flame of love. What lovely thick hair hung upon her ivorywhite back, showing sweet white places, fair and shining between themany tresses! She had upon her snow-white brow a ruby circlet, lessfertile in rays of fire than her black eyes, still moist with tearsfrom her hearty laugh. She even threw her slipper at a statue gildedlike a shrine, twisting herself about from very ribaldry and allowedher bare foot, smaller than a swan's bill, to be seen. This eveningshe was in a good humour, otherwise she would have had the littleshaven-crop put out by the window without more ado than her firstbishop. 

"He has fine eyes, Madame, " said one of her handmaids. 

"Where does he comes from?" asked another. 

"Poor child!" cried Madame, "his mother must be looking for him. Showhim his way home. "

The Touranian, still sensible, gave a movement of delight at the sightof the brocaded bed where the sweet form was about to repose. Thisglance, full of amorous intelligence, awoke the lady's fantasy, who, half laughing and half smitten, repeated "To-morrow, " and dismissedhim with a gesture which the Pope Jehan himself would have obeyed, especially as he was like a snail without a shell, since the Councilhad just deprived him of the holy keys. 

"Ah! Madame, there is another vow of chastity changed into an amorousdesire, " said one of her women; and the chuckles commenced again thickas hail. 

Philippe went his way, bumping his head against a wall like a hoodedrook as he was. So giddy had he become at the sight of this creature, even more enticing than a siren rising from the water. He noticed theanimals carved over the door and returned to the house of thearchbishop with his head full of diabolical longings and his entrailssophisticated. 

Once in his little room he counted his coins all night long, but couldmake no more than four of them; and as that was all his treasure, hecounted upon satisfying the fair one by giving her all he had in theworld. 

"What is it ails you?" said the good archbishop, uneasy at the groansand "oh! ohs!" of his clerk. 

"Ah! my Lord, " answered the poor priest, "I am wondering how it isthat so light and sweet a woman can weigh so heavily upon my heart. "

"Which one?" said the archbishop, putting down his breviary which hewas reading for others--the good man. 

"Oh! Mother of God! You will scold me, I know, my good master, myprotector, because I have seen the lady of a cardinal at the least, and I am weeping because I lack more than one crown to enable me toconvert her. "

The archbishop, knitting the circumflex accent that he had above hisnose, said not a word. Then the very humble priest trembled in hisskin to have confessed so much to his superior. But the holy mandirectly said to him, "She must be very dear then--"

"Ah!" said he, "she has swallowed many a mitre and stolen many across. "

"Well, Philippe, if thou will renounce her, I will present thee withthirty angels from the poor-box. "

"Ah! my lord, I should be losing too much, " replied the lad, emboldened by the treat he promised himself. 

"Ah! Philippe, " said the good prelate, "thou wilt then go to the deviland displease God, like all our cardinals, " and the master, withsorrow, began to pray St. Gatien, the patron saint of Innocents, tosave his servant. He made him kneel down beside him, telling him torecommend himself also to St. Philippe, but the wretched priestimplored the saint beneath his breath to prevent him from failing ifon the morrow that the lady should receive him kindly and mercifully;and the good archbishop, observing the fervour of his servant, criedout him, "Courage little one, and Heaven will exorcise thee. "

On the morrow, while Monsieur was declaiming at the Council againstthe shameless behaviour of the apostles of Christianity, Philippe deMala spent his angels--acquired with so much labour--in perfumes, baths, fomentations, and other fooleries. He played the fop so well, one would have thought him the fancy cavalier of a gay lady. Hewandered about the town in order to find the residence of his heart'squeen; and when he asked the passers-by to whom belonged the aforesaidhouse, they laughed in his face, saying--

"Whence comes this precious fellow that has not heard of La BelleImperia?"

He was very much afraid he and his angels were gone to the devil whenhe heard the name, and knew into what a nice mess he had voluntarilyfallen. 

Imperia was the most precious, the most fantastic girl in the world, although she passed for the most dazzling and the beautiful, and theone who best understood the art of bamboozling cardinals and softeningthe hardiest soldiers and oppressors of the people. She had bravecaptains, archers, and nobles, ready to serve her at every turn. Shehad only to breathe a word, and the business of anyone who hadoffended her was settled. A free fight only brought a smile to herlips, and often the Sire de Baudricourt--one of the King's Captains--would ask her if there were any one he could kill for her that day--a little joke at the expense of the abbots. With the exception of thepotentates among the high clergy with whom Madame Imperia managed toaccommodate her little tempers, she ruled everyone with a high hand invirtue of her pretty babble and enchanting ways, which enthralled themost virtuous and the most unimpressionable. Thus she lived belovedand respected, quite as much as the real ladies and princesses, andwas called Madame, concerning which the good Emperor Sigismund repliedto a lady who complained of it to him, "That they, the good ladies, might keep to their own proper way and holy virtues, and MadameImperia to the sweet naughtiness of the goddess Venus"--Christianwords which shocked the good ladies, to their credit be it said. 

Philippe, then thinking over it in his mind that which on thepreceding evening he had seen with his eyes, doubted if more did notremain behind. Then was he sad, and without taking bite or sup, strolled about the town waiting the appointed hour, although he waswell-favoured and gallant enough to find others less difficult toovercome than was Madame Imperia. 

The night came; the little Touranian, exalted with pride caparisonedwith desire, and spurred by his "alacks" and "alases" which nearlychoked him, glided like an eel into the domicile of the veritableQueen of the Council--for before her bowed humbly all the authority, science, and wisdom of Christianity. The major domo did not know him, and was going to bundle him out again, when one of the chamber-womencalled him from the top of the stairs--"Eh, M. Imbert, it is Madame'syoung fellow, " and poor Philippe, blushing like a wedding night, ranup the stairs, shaking with happiness and delight. The servant tookhim by the hand and led into the chamber where sat Madame, lightlyattired like a brave woman who awaits her conqueror. 

The dazzling Imperia was seated near a table covered with a shaggycloth ornamented with gold, and with all the requisites for a daintycarouse. Flagons of wine, various drinking glasses, bottles of thehippocras, flasks full of good wine of Cyprus, pretty boxes full ofspices, roast peacocks, green sauces, little salt hams--all that wouldgladden the eyes of the gallant if he had not so madly loved MadameImperia. 

She saw well that the eyes of the young priest were all for her. Although accustomed to the curl-paper devotion of the churchmen, shewas well satisfied that she had made a conquest of the young priestwho all day long had been in her head. 

The windows had been closed; Madame was decked out in a manner fit todo honours to a prince of the Empire. Then the rogue, beatified by theholy beauty of Imperia, knew that Emperor, burgraf, nay, even acardinal about to be elected pope, would willingly for that night havechanged places with him, a little priest who, beneath his gown, hadonly the devil and love. 

He put on a lordly air, and saluted her with a courtesy by no meansungraceful; and then the sweet lady said to him, regaling with apiercing glance--

"Come and sit close to me, that I may see if you have altered sinceyesterday. "

"Oh yes, " said he. 

"And how?" said she. 

"Yesterday, " replied the artful fellow, "I loved you; today, we loveeach other, and from a poor sinner I have become richer than a king. "

"Oh, little one, little one!" cried she, merrily; "yes, you are indeedchanged, for from a young priest I see well you have turned into anold devil. "

And side by side they sat down before a large fire, which helped tospread their ecstasy around. They remained always ready to begineating, seeing that they only thought of gazing into each other'seyes, and never touched a dish. Just as they were beginning to feelcomfortable and at their ease, there came a great noise at Madame'sdoor, as if people were beating against it, and crying out. 

"Madame, " cried the little servant hastily, "here's another of them. "

"Who is it?" cried she in a haughty manner, like a tyrant, savage atbeing interrupted. 

"The Bishop of Coire wishes to speak with you. "

"May the devil take him!" said she, looking at Philippe gently. 

"Madame he has seen the light through the chinks, and is making agreat noise. "

"Tell him I have the fever, and you will be telling him no lie, for Iam ill of this little priest who is torturing my brain. "

But just as she had finished speaking, and was pressing with devotionthe hand of Philippe who trembled in his skin, appeared the fat Bishopof Coire, indignant and angry. The officers followed him, bearing atrout canonically dressed, fresh from the Rhine, and shining in agolden platter, and spices contained in little ornamental boxes, and athousand dainties, such as liqueurs and jams, made by the holy nuns athis Abbey. 

"Ah, ah!" said he, with his deep voice, "I haven't time to go to thedevil, but you must give me a touch of him in advance, eh! my littleone. "

"Your belly will one day make a nice sheath for a sword, " replied she, knitting her brows above her eyes, which from being soft and gentlehad become mischievous enough to make one tremble. 

"And this little chorus singer is here to offer that?" said thebishop, insolently turning his great rubicund face towards Philippe. 

"Monseigneur, I'm here to confess Madame. "

"Oh, oh, do you not know the canons? To confess the ladies at thistime of night is a right reserved to bishops, so take yourself off; goand herd with simple monks, and never come back here again under painof excommunication. "

"Do not move, " cried the blushing Imperia, more lovely with passionthan she was with love, because now she was possessed both withpassion and love. "Stop, my friend. Here you are in your own house. "Then he knew that he was really loved by her. 

"It is it not in the breviary, and an evangelical regulation, that youshould be equal with God in the valley of Jehoshaphat?" asked she ofthe bishop. 

"'Tis is an invention of the devil, who has adulterated the holybook, " replied the great numskull of a bishop in a hurry to fall to. 

"Well then, be equal now before me, who am here below your goddess, "replied Imperia, "otherwise one of these days I will have youdelicately strangled between the head and shoulders; I swear it by thepower of my tonsure which is as good as the pope's. " And wishing thatthe trout should be added to the feast as well as the sweets and otherdainties, she added, cunningly, "Sit you down and drink with us. " Butthe artful minx, being up to a trick or two, gave the little one awink which told him plainly not to mind the German, whom she wouldsoon find a means to be rid of. 

The servant-maid seated the Bishop at the table, and tucked him up, while Philippe, wild with rage that closed his mouth, because he sawhis plans ending in smoke, gave the archbishop to more devils thanever were monks alive. Thus they got halfway through the repast, whichthe young priest had not yet touched, hungering only for Imperia, nearwhom he was already seated, but speaking that sweet language which theladies so well understand, that has neither stops, commas, accents, letters, figures, characters, notes, nor images. The fat bishop, sensual and careful enough of the sleek, ecclesiastical garment ofskin for which he was indebted to his late mother, allowed himself tobe plentifully served with hippocras by the delicate hand of Madame, and it was just at his first hiccough that the sound of an approachingcavalcade was heard in the street. The number of horses, the "Ho, ho!"of the pages, showed plainly that some great prince hot with love, wasabout to arrive. In fact, a moment afterwards the Cardinal of Ragusa, against whom the servants of Imperia had not dared to bar the door, entered the room. At this terrible sight the poor courtesan and heryoung lover became ashamed and embarrassed, like fresh cured lepers;for it would be tempting the devil to try and oust the cardinal, themore so as at that time it was not known who would be pope, threeaspirants having resigned their hoods for the benefit of Christianity. The cardinal, who was a cunning Italian, long bearded, a greatsophist, and the life and soul of the Council, guessed, by thefeeblest exercise of the faculties of his understanding, the alpha andomega of the adventure. He only had to weigh in his mind one littlethought before he knew how to proceed in order to be able tohypothecate his manly vigour. He arrived with the appetite of a hungrymonk, and to obtain its satisfaction he was just the man to stab twomonks and sell his bit of the true cross, which were wrong. 

"Hulloa! friend, " said he to Philippe, calling him towards him. Thepoor Tourainian, more dead than alive, and expecting the devil wasabout to interfere seriously with his arrangements, rose and said, "What is it?" to the redoubtable cardinal. 

He taking him by the arm led him to the staircase, looked him in thewhite of the eye and said without any nonsense--"Ventredieu! You are anice little fellow, and I should not like to have to let your masterknow the weight of your carcass. My revenge might cause me certainpious expenses in my old age, so choose to espouse an abbey for theremainder of your days, or to marry Madame to-night and die tomorrow. "

The poor little Tourainian in despair murmured, "May I come back whenyour passion is over?"

The cardinal could scarcely keep his countenance, but he said sternly, "Choose the gallows or a mitre. "

"Ah!" said the priest, maliciously; "a good fat abbey. "

Thereupon the cardinal went back into the room, opened an escritoire, and scribbled upon a piece of parchment an order to the envoy ofFrance. 

"Monseigneur, " said the Tourainian to him while he was spelling outthe order, "you will not get rid of the Bishop of Coire so easily asyou have got rid of me, for he has as many abbeys as the soldiers havedrinking shops in the town; besides, he is in the favour of his lord. Now I fancy to show you my gratitude for this so fine Abbey I owe yougood piece of advice. You know how fatal has been and how rapidlyspread this terrible pestilence which has cruelly harassed Paris. Tellhim that you have just left the bedside of your old friend theArchbishop of Bordeaux; thus you will make him scutter away like strawbefore a whirl-wind. 

"Oh, oh!" cried the cardinal, "thou meritest more than an abbey. Ah, Ventredieu! my young friend, here are 100 golden crowns for thyjourney to the Abbey of Turpenay, which I won yesterday at cards, andof which I make you a free gift. "

Hearing these words, and seeing Philippe de Mala disappear withoutgiving her the amorous glances she expected, the beautiful Imperia, puffing like a dolphin, denounced all the cowardice of the priest. Shewas not then a sufficiently good Catholic to pardon her loverdeceiving her, by not knowing how to die for her pleasure. Thus thedeath of Philippe was foreshadowed in the viper's glance she cast athim to insult him, which glance pleased the cardinal much, for thewily Italian saw he would soon get his abbey back again. TheTouranian, heeding not the brewing storm avoided it by walking outsilently with his ears down, like a wet dog being kicked out of aChurch. Madame drew a sigh from her heart. She must have had her ownideas of humanity for the little value she held in it. The fire whichpossessed her had mounted to her head, and scintillated in rays abouther, and there was good reason for it, for this was the first timethat she had been humbugged by priest. Then the cardinal smiled, believing it was all to his advantage: was not he a cunning fellow?Yes, he was the possessor of a red hat. 

"Ah, ah! my friend, " said he to the Bishop, "I congratulate myself onbeing in your company, and I am glad to have been able to get rid ofthat little wretch unworthy of Madame, the more so as if you had gonenear him, my lovely and amiable creature, you would have perishedmiserably through the deed of a simple priest. "

"Ah! How?"

"He is the secretary of the Archbishop of Bordeaux. The good man wasseized this morning with the pestilence. "

The bishop opened his mouth wide enough to swallow a Dutch cheese. 

"How do you know that?" asked he. 

"Ah!" said the cardinal, taking the good German's hand, "I have justadministered to him, and consoled him; at this moment the holy man hasa fair wind to waft him to paradise. "

The Bishop of Coire demonstrated immediately how light fat man are;for when men are big-bellied, a merciful providence, in theconsideration of their works, often makes their internal tubes aselastic as balloons. The aforesaid bishop sprang backwards with onebound, burst into a perspiration and coughed like a cow who findsfeathers mixed with her hay. Then becoming suddenly pale, he rusheddown the stairs without even bidding Madame adieu. When the door hadclosed upon the bishop, and he was fairly in the street, the Cardinalof Ragusa began laughing fit to split his sides. 

"Ah! my fair one, am I not worthy to be Pope, and better than that, thy lover this evening?"

But seeing Imperia thoughtful he approached her to take her in hisarms, and pet her after the usual fashion of cardinals, men whoembrace better than all others, even the soldiers, because they arelazy, and do not spare their essential properties. 

"Ha!" said she, drawing back, "you wish to cause my death, youecclesiastical idiot. The principal thing for you is to enjoyyourself; my sweet carcass, a thing accessory. Your pleasure will bemy death, and then you'll canonise me perhaps? Ah, you have theplague, and you would give it to me. Go somewhere else, you brainlesspriest. Ah! touch me not, " said she, seeing him about to advance, "orI will stab you with this dagger. "

And the clever hussy drew from her armoire a little dagger, which sheknew how to use with great skill when necessary. 

"But my little paradise, my sweet one, " said the other, laughing, "don't you see the trick? Wasn't it necessary to be get rid of thatold bullock of Coire?"

"Well then, if you love me, show it" replied she. "I desire that youleave me instantly. If you are touched with the disease my death willnot worry you. I know you well enough to know at what price you willput a moment of pleasure at your last hour. You would drown the earth. Ah, ah! you have boasted of it when drunk. I love only myself, mytreasures, and my health. Go, and if tomorrow your veins are notfrozen by the disease, you can come again. Today, I hate you, goodcardinal, " said she, smiling. 

"Imperia!" cried the cardinal on his knees, "my blessed Imperia, donot play with me thus. "

"No, " said she, "I never play with blessed and sacred things. "

"Ah! ribald woman, I will excommunicate thee tomorrow. "

"And now you are out of your cardinal sense. "

"Imperia, cursed daughter of Satan! Oh, my little beauty--my love--!"

"Respect yourself more. Don't kneel to me, fie for shame!"

"Wilt thou have a dispensation in articulo mortis? Wilt thou have myfortune--or better still, a bit of the veritable true Cross?--Wiltthou?"

"This evening, all the wealth of heaven above and earth beneath wouldnot buy my heart, " said she, laughing. "I should be the blackest ofsinners, unworthy to receive the Blessed Sacrament if I had not mylittle caprices. "

"I'll burn the house down. Sorceress, you have bewitched me. You shallperish at the stake. Listen to me, my love, --my gentle Dove--I promiseyou the best place in heaven. Eh? No. Death to you then--death to thesorceress. "

"Oh, oh! I will kill you, Monseigneur. "

And the cardinal foamed with rage. 

"You are making a fool of yourself, " said she. "Go away, you'll tireyourself. "

"I shall be pope, and you shall pay for this!"

"Then you are no longer disposed to obey me?"

"What can I do this evening to please you?"

"Get out. "

And she sprang lightly like a wagtail into her room, and lockedherself in, leaving the cardinal to storm that he was obliged to go. When the fair Imperia found herself alone, seated before the fire, andwithout her little priest, she exclaimed, snapping angrily the goldlinks of her chain, "By the double triple horn on the devil, if thelittle one has made me have this row with the Cardinal, and exposed meto the danger of being poisoned tomorrow, unless I pay him over to myheart's content, I will not die till I have seen him burned alivebefore my eyes. Ah!" said she, weeping, this time real tears, "I leada most unhappy life, and the little pleasure I have costs me the lifeof a dog, let alone my salvation. "

As she finished this jeremiad, wailing like a calf that is beingslaughtered, she beheld the blushing face of the young priest, who hadhidden himself, peeping at her from behind her large Venetian mirror. 

"Ah!" said she, "Thou art the most perfect monk that ever dwelt inthis blessed and amorous town of Constance. Ah, ah! Come my gentlecavalier, my dear boy, my little charm, my paradise of delectation, let me drink thine eyes, eat thee, kill thee with my love. Oh! myever-flourishing, ever-green, sempiternal god; from a little monk Iwould make a king, emperor, pope, and happier than either. There, thoucanst put anything to fire and sword, I am thine, and thou shalt seeit well; for thou shalt be all a cardinal, even when to redden thyhood I shed all my heart's blood. " And with her trembling hands alljoyously she filled with Greek wine the golden cup, brought by theBishop of Coire, and presented it to her sweetheart, whom she servedupon her knee, she whose slipper princes found more to their tastethan that of the pope. 

But he gazed at her in silence, with his eye so lustrous with love, that she said to him, trembling with joy "Ah! be quiet, little one. Let us have supper. "

 THE VENIAL SIN

HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE. 

Messire Bruyn, he who completed the Castle of Roche-Corbon-les-Vouvray, on the banks of the Loire, was a boisterous fellow in hisyouth. When quite little, he squeezed young ladies, turned the houseout of windows, and played the devil with everything, when he wascalled upon to put his Sire the Baron of Roche-Corbon some few feetunder the turf. Then he was his own master, free to lead a life ofwild dissipation, and indeed he worked very hard to get a surfeit ofenjoyment. Now by making his crowns sweat and his goods scarce, draining his land, and a bleeding his hogsheads, and regaling frailbeauties, he found himself excommunicated from decent society, and hadfor his friends only the plunderers of towns and the Lombardians. Butthe usurers turned rough and bitter as chestnut husks, when he had noother security to give them than his said estate of Roche-Corbon, since the Rupes Carbonis was held from our Lord the king. Then Bruynfound himself just in the humour to give a blow here and there, tobreak a collar-bone or two, and quarrel with everyone about trifles. Seeing which, the Abbot of Marmoustiers, his neighbour, and a manliberal with his advice, told him that it was an evident sign oflordly perfection, that he was walking in the right road, but if hewould go and slaughter, to the great glory of God, the Mahommedans whodefiled the Holy Land, it would be better still, and that he wouldundoubtedly return full of wealth and indulgences into Touraine, orinto Paradise, whence all barons formerly came. 

The said Bruyn, admiring the great sense of the prelate, left thecountry equipped by the monastery, and blessed by the abbot, to thegreat delight of his friends and neighbours. Then he put to the sackenough many towns of Asia and Africa, and fell upon the infidelswithout giving them warning, burning the Saracens, the Greeks, theEnglish, and others, caring little whether they were friends orenemies, or where they came from, since among his merits he had thatof being in no way curious, and he never questioned them until afterhe had killed them. At this business, agreeable to God, to the Kingand to himself, Bruyn gained renown as a good Christian and loyalknight, and enjoyed himself thoroughly in these lands beyond the seas, since he more willingly gave a crown to the girls than to the poor, although he met many more poor people than perfect maids; but like agood Touranian he made soup of anything. At length, when he wassatiated with the Turks, relics, and other blessings of the Holy Land, Bruyn, to the great astonishment of the people of Vouvrillons, returned from the Crusades laden with crowns and precious stones;rather differently from some who, rich when they set out, came backheavy with leprosy, but light with gold. On his return from Tunis, ourLord, King Philippe, made him a Count, and appointed him his seneschalin our country and that of Poitou. There he was greatly beloved andproperly thought well of, since over and above his good qualities hefounded the Church of the Carmes-Deschaulx, in the parish ofEgrignolles, as the peace-offering to Heaven for the follies of hisyouth. Thus was he cardinally consigned to the good graces of theChurch and of God. From a wicked youth and reckless man, he became agood, wise man, and discreet in his dissipations and pleasures; rarelywas in anger, unless someone blasphemed God before him, the which hewould not tolerate because he had blasphemed enough for every one inhis wild youth. In short, he never quarrelled, because, beingseneschal, people gave up to him instantly. It is true that he at thattime beheld all his desires accomplished, the which would render evenan imp of Satan calm and tranquil from his horns to his heels. Andbesides this he possessed a castle all jagged at the corners, andshaped and pointed like a Spanish doublet, situated upon a bank fromwhich it was reflected in the Loire. In the rooms were royaltapestries, furniture, Saracen pomps, vanities, and inventions whichwere much admired by people of Tours, and even by the archbishop andclerks of St. Martin, to whom he sent as a free gift a banner fringedwith fine gold. In the neighbourhood of the said castle abounded fairdomains, wind-mills, and forests, yielding a harvest of rents of allkinds, so that he was one of the strongest knights-banneret of theprovince, and could easily have led to battle for our lord the king athousand men. In his old days, if by chance his bailiff, a diligentman at hanging, brought before him a poor peasant suspected of someoffence, he would say, smiling--

"Let this one go, Brediff, he will count against those Iinconsiderately slaughtered across the seas"; oftentimes, however, hewould let them bravely hang on a chestnut tree or swing on hisgallows, but this was solely that justice might be done, and that thecustom should not lapse in his domain. Thus the people on his landswere good and orderly, like fresh veiled nuns, and peaceful since heprotected them from the robbers and vagabonds whom he never spared, knowing by experience how much mischief is caused by these cursedbeasts of prey. For the rest, most devout, finishing everythingquickly, his prayers as well as good wine, he managed the processesafter the Turkish fashion, having a thousand little jokes ready forthe losers, and dining with them to console them. He had all thepeople who had been hanged buried in consecrated ground like godlyones, some people thinking they had been sufficiently punished byhaving their breath stopped. He only persecuted the Jews now and then, and when they were glutted with usury and wealth. He let them gathertheir spoil as the bees do honey, saying that they were the best oftax-gatherers. And never did he despoil them save for the profit anduse of the churchmen, the king, the province, or himself. 

This jovial way gained for him the affection and esteem of every one, great and small. If he came back smiling from his judicial throne, theAbbot of Marmoustiers, an old man like himself, would say, "Ho, ha!messire, there is some hanging on since you laugh thus!" And whencoming from Roche-Corbon to Tours he passed on horseback along theFauborg St. Symphorien, the little girls would say, "Ah! this is thejustice day, there is the good man Bruyn, " and without being afraidthey would look at him astride on a big white hack, that he hadbrought back with him from the Levant. On the bridge the little boyswould stop playing with the ball, and would call out, "Good day, Mr. Seneschal" and he would reply, jokingly, "Enjoy yourselves, mychildren, until you get whipped. " "Yes, Mr. Seneschal. "

Also he made the country so contented and so free from robbers thatduring the year of the great over-flowing of the Loire there were onlytwenty-two malefactors hanged that winter, not counting a Jew burnedin the Commune of Chateau-Neuf for having stolen a consecrated wafer, or bought it, some said, for he was very rich. 

One day, in the following year about harvest time, or mowing time, aswe say in Touraine, there came Egyptians, Bohemians, and otherwandering troupes who stole the holy things from the Church of St. Martin, and in the place and exact situation of Madam the Virgin, leftby way of insult and mockery to our Holy Faith, an abandoned prettylittle girl, about the age of an old dog, stark naked, an acrobat, andof Moorish descent like themselves. For this almost nameless crime itwas equally decided by the king, people, and the churchmen that theMooress, to pay for all, should be burned and cooked alive in thesquare near the fountain where the herb market is. Then the good manBruyn clearly and dextrously demonstrated to the others that it wouldbe a thing most profitable and pleasant to God to gain over thisAfrican soul to the true religion, and if the devil were lodged inthis feminine body the faggots would be useless to burn him, as saidthe said order. To which the archbishop sagely thought most canonicaland conformable to Christian charity and the gospel. The ladies of thetown and other persons of authority said loudly that they were cheatedof a fine ceremony, since the Mooress was crying her eyes out in thejail and would certainly be converted to God in order to live as longas a crow, if she were allowed to do so, to which the seneschalreplied that if the foreigner would wholly commit herself to theChristian religion there would be a gallant ceremony of another kind, and that he would undertake that it should be royally magnificent, because he would be her sponsor at the baptismal font, and that avirgin should be his partner in the affair in order the better toplease the Almighty, while himself was reputed never to have lost thebloom or innocence, in fact to be a coquebin. In our country ofTouraine thus are called the young virgin men, unmarried or soesteemed to distinguish them from the husbands and the widowers, butthe girls always pick them without the name, because they are morelight-hearted and merry than those seasoned in marriage. 

The young Mooress did not hesitate between the flaming faggots and thebaptismal water. She much preferred to be a Christian and live than beEgyptian and be burned; thus to escape a moment's baking, her heartwould burn unquenched through all her life, since for the greatersurety of her religion she was placed in the convent of nuns nearChardonneret, where she took the vow of sanctity. The said ceremonywas concluded at the residence of the archbishop, where on thisoccasion, in honour of the Saviour or men, the lords and ladies ofTouraine hopped, skipped and danced, for in this country the peopledance, skip, eat, flirt, have more feasts and make merrier than any inthe whole world. The good old seneschal had taken for his associatethe daughter of the lord of Azay-le-Ridel, which afterwards becameAzay-le-Brusle, the which lord being a Crusader was left before Acre, a far distant town, in the hands of a Saracen who demanded a royalransom for him because the said lord was of high position. 

The lady of Azay having given his estate as security to the Lombardsand extortioners in order to raise the sum, remained, without a pennyin the world, awaiting her lord in a poor lodging in the town, without a carpet to sit upon, but proud as the Queen of Sheba andbrave as a mastiff who defends the property of his master. Seeing thisgreat distress the seneschal went delicately to request this lady'sdaughter to be the godmother of the said Egyptian, in order that hemight have the right of assisting the Lady of Azay. And, in fact, hekept a heavy chain of gold which he had preserved since thecommencement of the taking of Cyprus, and the which he determined toclasp about the neck of his pretty associate, but he hung there at thesame time his domain, and his white hairs, his money and his horses;in short, he placed there everything he possessed, directly he hadseen Blanche of Azay dancing a pavan among the ladies of Tours. Although the Moorish girl, making the most of her last day, hadastonished the assembly by her twists, jumps, steps, springs, andelevations and artistic efforts, Blanche had the advantage of her, aseveryone agreed, so virginally and delicately did she dance. 

Now Bruyn, admiring this gentle maiden whose toes seemed to fear theboards, and who amused herself so innocently for her seventeen years--like a grasshopper trying her first note--was seized with an oldman's desire; a desire apoplectic and vigorous from weakness, whichheated him from the sole of foot to the nape of his neck--for his headhad too much snow on the top of it to let love lodge there. Then thegood man perceived that he needed a wife in his manor, and it appearedmore lonely to him than it was. And what then was a castle without achatelaine? As well have a clapper without its bell. In short, a wifewas the only thing that he had to desire, so he wished to have onepromptly, seeing that if the Lady of Azay made him wait, he had justtime to pass out of this world into the other. But during thebaptismal entertainment, he thought little of his severe wounds, andstill less of the eighty years that had stripped his head; he foundhis eyes clear enough to see distinctly his young companion, who, following the injunctions of the Lady of Azay, regaled him well withglance and gesture, believing there could be no danger near so old afellow, in such wise that Blanche--naive and nice as she was incontradistinction to the girls of Touraine, who are as wide-awake as aspring morning--permitted the good man first to kiss her hand, andafterwards her neck, rather low-down; at least so said the archbishopwho married them the week after; and that was a beautiful bridal, anda still more beautiful bride. 

The said Blanche was slender and graceful as no other girl, and stillbetter than that, more maidenly than ever maiden was; a maiden allignorant of love, who knew not why or what it was; a maiden whowondered why certain people lingered in their beds; a maiden whobelieved that children were found in parsley beds. Her mother had thusreared her in innocence, without even allowing her to consider, trifleas it was, how she sucked in her soup between her teeth. Thus she wasa sweet flower, and intact, joyous and innocent; an angel, who neededbut the wings to fly away to Paradise. When she left the poor lodgingof her weeping mother to consummate her betrothal at the cathedral ofSt. Gatien and St. Maurice, the country people came to a feast theireyes upon the bride, and on the carpets which were laid down all alongthe Rue de la Scellerie, and all said that never had tinier feetpressed the ground of Touraine, prettier eyes gazed up to heaven, or amore splendid festival adorned the streets with carpets and withflowers. The young girls of St. Martin and of the boroughs ofChateau-Neuf, all envied the long brown tresses with which doubtlessBlanche had fished for a count, but much more did they desire the goldembroidered dress, the foreign stones, the white diamonds, and thechains with which the little darling played, and which bound her forever to the said seneschal. The old soldier was so merry by her side, that his happiness showed itself in his wrinkles, his looks, and hismovements. Although he was hardly as straight as a billhook, he heldhimself so by the side of Blanche, that one would have taken him for asoldier on parade receiving his officer, and he placed his hand on hisdiaphragm like a man whose pleasure stifles and troubles him. Delighted with the sound of the swinging bells, the procession, thepomps, and the vanities of the said marriage, which was talked of longafter the episcopal rejoicings, the women desired a harvest of Moorishgirls, a deluge of old seneschals, and baskets full of Egyptianbaptisms. But this was the only one that ever happened in Touraine, seeing that the country is far from Egypt and from Bohemia. The Ladyof Azay received a large sum of money after the ceremony, whichenabled her to start immediately for Acre to go to her spouse, accompanied by the lieutenant and soldiers of the Count ofRoche-Corbon, who furnished them with everything necessary. She set outon the day of the wedding, after having placed her daughter in the handsof the seneschal, enjoining him to treat her well; and later on shereturned with the Sire d'Azay, who was leprous, and she cured him, tending him herself, running the risk of being contaminated, the whichwas greatly admired. 

The marriage ceremony finished and at an end--for it lasted threedays, to the great contentment of the people--Messire Bruyn with greatpomp led the little one to his castle, and, according to the custom ofhusbands, had her put solemnly to bed in his couch, which was blessedby the Abbot of Marmoustiers; then came and placed himself beside herin the great feudal chamber of Roche-Corbon, which had been hung withgreen blockade and ribbon of golden wire. When old Bruyn, perfumed allover, found himself side by side with his pretty wife, he kissed herfirst upon the forehead, and then upon the little round, white breast, on the same spot where she had allowed him to clasp the fastenings ofthe chain, but that was all. The old fellow had too great confidencein himself in fancying himself able to accomplish more; so then heabstained from love in spite of the merry nuptial songs, theepithalamiums and jokes which were going on in the rooms beneath wherethe dancing was still kept up. He refreshed himself with a drink ofthe marriage beverage, which according to custom, had been blessed andplaced near them in a golden cup. The spices warned his stomach wellenough, but not the heart of his dead ardour. Blanche was not at allastonished at the demeanour of her spouse, because she was a virgin inmind, and in marriage she saw only that which is visible to the eyesof young girls--namely dresses, banquets, horses, to be a lady andmistress, to have a country seat, to amuse oneself and give orders;so, like the child that she was, she played with the gold tassels onthe bed, and marvelled at the richness of the shrine in which herinnocence should be interred. Feeling, a little later in the day, hisculpability, and relying on the future, which, however, would spoil alittle every day that with which he pretended to regale his wife, theseneschal tried to substitute the word for the deed. So he entertainedhis wife in various ways, promised her the keys of his sideboards, hisgranaries and chests, the perfect government of his houses and domainswithout any control, hanging round her neck "the other half of theloaf, " which is the popular saying in Touraine. She became like ayoung charger full of hay, found her good man the most gallant fellowin the world, and raising herself upon her pillow began to smile, andbeheld with greater joy this beautiful green brocaded bed, wherehenceforward she would be permitted, without any sin, to sleep everynight. Seeing she was getting playful, the cunning lord, who had notbeen used to maidens, but knew from experience the little tricks thatwomen will practice, seeing that he had much associated with ladies ofthe town, feared those handy tricks, little kisses, and minoramusements of love which formerly he did not object to, but which atthe present time would have found him cold as the obit of a pope. Thenhe drew back towards the end of the bed, afraid of his happiness, andsaid to his too delectable spouse, "Well, darling, you are aseneschal's wife now, and very well seneschaled as well. "

"Oh no!" said she. 

"How no!" replied he in great fear; "are you not a wife?"

"No!" said she. "Nor shall I be till I have had a child. "

"Did you while coming here see the meadows?" began again the oldfellow. 

"Yes, " said she. 

"Well, they are yours. "

"Oh! Oh!" replied she laughing, "I shall amuse myself much therecatching butterflies. "

"That's a good girl, " says her lord. "And the woods?"

"Ah! I should not like to be there alone, you will take me there. But, " said she, "give me a little of that liquor which La Ponneuse hastaken such pains to prepare for us. "

"And why, my darling? It would put fire in your body. "

"Oh! That's what I should like, " said she, biting her lip withvexation, "because I desire to give you a child as soon as possible;and I'm sure that liquor is good for the purpose. "

"Ah! my little one, " said the seneschal, knowing by this that Blanchewas a virgin from head to foot, "the goodwill of God is necessary forthis business, and women must be in a state of harvest. "

"And when should I be in a state of harvest?" asked she, smiling. 

"When nature so wills it, " said he, trying to laugh. 

"What is it necessary to do for this?" replied she. 

"Ah! A cabalistical and alchemical operation which is very dangerous. "

"Ah!" said she, with a dreamy look, "that's the reason why my mothercried when thinking of the said metamorphosis; but Bertha de Breuilly, who is so thankful for being made a wife, told me it was the easiestthing in the world. "

"That's according to the age, " replied the old lord. "But did you seeat the stable the beautiful white mare so much spoken of in Touraine?"

"Yes, she is very gentle and nice. "

"Well, I give her to you, and you can ride her as often as the fancytakes you. "

"Oh, you are very kind, and they did not lie when they told me so. "

"Here, " continued he, "sweetheart; the butler, the chaplain, thetreasurer, the equerry, the farrier, the bailiff, even the Sire deMontsoreau, the young varlet whose name is Gauttier and bears mybanner, with his men at arms, captains, followers, and beasts--all areyours, and will instantly obey your orders under pain of beingincommoded with a hempen collar. "

"But, " replied she, "this mysterious operation--cannot it be performedimmediately?"

"Oh no!" replied the seneschal. "Because it is necessary above allthings that both the one and the other of us should be in a state ofgrace before God; otherwise we should have a bad child, full of sin;which is forbidden by the canons of the church. This is the reasonthat there are so many incorrigible scapegraces in the world. Theirparents have not wisely waited to have their souls pure, and havegiven wicked souls to their children. The beautiful and the virtuouscome of immaculate fathers; that is why we cause our beds to beblessed, as the Abbot of Marmoustiers has done this one. Have you nottransgressed the ordinances of the Church?"

"Oh no, " said she, quickly, "I received before Mass absolution for allmy faults and have remained since without committing the slightestsin. "

"You are very perfect, " said the cunning lord, "and I am delighted tohave you for a wife; but I have sworn like an infidel. "

"Oh! and why?"

"Because the dancing did not finish, and I could not have you tomyself to bring you here and kiss you. "

Thereupon he gallantly took her hands and covered them with kisses, whispering to her little endearments and superficial words ofaffection which made her quite pleased and contented. 

Then, fatigued with the dance and all the ceremonies, she settled downto her slumbers, saying to the seneschal--

"I will take care tomorrow that you shall not sin, " and she left theold man quite smitten with her white beauty, amorous of her delicatenature, and as embarrassed to know how he should be able to keep herin her innocence as to explain why oxen chew their food twice over. Although he did not augur to himself any good therefrom, it inflamedhim so much to see the exquisite perfections of Blanche during herinnocent and gentle sleep, that he resolved to preserve and defendthis pretty jewel of love. With tears in his eyes he kissed her sweetgolden tresses, the beautiful eyelids, and her ripe red mouth, and hedid it softly for fear of waking her. There was all his fruition, thedumb delight which still inflamed his heart without in the leastaffecting Blanche. Then he deplored the snows of his leafless old age, the poor old man, that he saw clearly that God had amused himself bygiving him nuts when his teeth were gone. 

HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE'S MODESTY. 

During the first days of his marriage the seneschal imprinted manyfibs to tell his wife, whose so estimable innocence he abused. Firstly, he found in his judicial functions good excuses for leavingher at times alone; then he occupied himself with the peasants of theneighbourhood, and took them to dress the vines on his lands atVouvray, and at length pampered her up with a thousand absurd tales. 

At one time he would say that lords did not behave like common people, that the children were only planted at certain celestial conjunctionsascertained by learned astrologers; at another that one should abstainfrom begetting children on feast days, because it was a greatundertaking; and he observed the feasts like a man who wished to enterinto Paradise without consent. Sometimes he would pretend that if bychance the parents were not in a state of grace, the childrencommenced on the date of St. Claire would be blind, of St. Gatien hadthe gout, of St. Agnes were scaldheaded, of St. Roch had the plague;sometimes that those begotten in February were chilly; in March, tooturbulent; in April, were worth nothing at all; and that handsome boyswere conceived in May. In short, he wished his child to be perfect, tohave his hair of two colours; and for this it was necessary that allthe required conditions should be observed. At other times he wouldsay to Blanche that the right of a man was to bestow a child upon hiswife according to his sole and unique will, and that if she pretendedto be a virtuous woman she should conform to the wishes of herhusband; in fact it was necessary to await the return of the Lady ofAzay in order that she should assist at the confinement; from all ofwhich Blanche concluded that the seneschal was annoyed by herrequests, and was perhaps right, since he was old and full ofexperience; so she submitted herself and thought no more, except toherself, of this so much-desired child, that is to say, she was alwaysthinking of it, like a woman who has a desire in her head, withoutsuspecting that she was behaving like a gay lady or a town-walkerrunning after her enjoyment. One evening, by accident, Bruyn spoke ofchildren, a discourse that he avoided as cats avoid water, but he wascomplaining of a boy condemned by him that morning for great misdeeds, saying for certain he was the offspring of people laden with mortalsins. 

"Alas!" said Blanche, "if you will give me one, although you have notgot absolution, I will correct so well that you will be pleased withhim. "

Then the count saw that his wife was bitten by a warm desire, and thatit was time to dissipate her innocence in order to make himself masterof it, to conquer it, to beat it, or to appease and extinguish it. 

"What, my dear, you wish to be a mother?" said he; "you do not yetknow the business of a wife, you are not accustomed to being mistressof the house. "

"Oh! Oh!" said she, "to be a perfect countess, and have in my loins alittle count, must I play the great lady? I will do it, andthoroughly. "

Then Blanche, in order to obtain issue, began to hunt the fawns andstags, leaping the ditches, galloping upon her mare over valleys andmountain, through the woods and the fields, taking great delight inwatching the falcons fly, in unhooding them and while hunting alwayscarried them gracefully upon her little wrist, which was what theseneschal had desired. But in this pursuit, Blanche gained an appetiteof nun and prelate, that is to say, wished to procreate, had herdesires whetted, and could scarcely restrain her hunger, when on herreturn she gave play to her teeth. Now by reason of reading thelegends written by the way, and of separating by death the embraces ofbirds and wild beasts, she discovered a mystery of natural alchemy, while colouring her complexion, and superagitating her feebleimagination, which did little to pacify her warlike nature, andstrongly tickled her desire which laughed, played, and friskedunmistakably. The seneschal thought to disarm the rebellious virtue ofhis wife by making her scour the country; but his fraud turned outbadly, for the unknown lust that circulated in the veins of Blancheemerged from these assaults more hardy than before, inviting joustsand tourneys as the herald the armed knight. 

The good lord saw then that he had grossly erred and that he was nowupon the horns of a dilemma; also he no longer knew what course toadopt; the longer he left it the more it would resist. From thiscombat, there must result one conquered and one contused--a diabolicalcontusion which he wished to keep distant from his physiognomy byGod's help until after his death. The poor seneschal had already greattrouble to follow his lady to the chase, without being dismounted; hesweated under the weight of his trappings, and almost expired in thatpursuit wherein his frisky wife cheered her life and took greatpleasure. Many times in the evening she wished to dance. Now the goodman, swathed in his heavy clothing, found himself quite worn out withthese exercises, in which he was constrained to participate either ingiving her his hand, when she performed the vaults of the Moorishgirl, or in holding the lighted fagot for her, when she had a fancy todo the torchlight dance; and in spite of his sciaticas, accretions, and rheumatisms, he was obliged to smile and say to her some gentlewords and gallantries after all the evolutions, mummeries, and comicpantomimes, which she indulged in to divert herself; for he loved herso madly that if she had asked him for an impossibility he would havesought one for her immediately. 

Nevertheless, one fine day he recognised the fact that his frame wasin a state of too great debility to struggle with the vigorous natureof his wife, and humiliating himself before his wife's virtue heresolved to let things take their course, relying a little upon themodesty, religion, and bashfulness of Blanche, but he always sleptwith one eye open, for he suspected that God had perhaps madevirginities to be taken like partridges, to be spitted and roasted. One wet morning, when the weather was that in which the snails maketheir tracks, a melancholy time, and suitable to reverie, Blanche wasin the house sitting in her chair in deep thought, because nothingproduces more lively concoctions of the substantive essences, and noreceipt, specific or philter is more penetrating, transpiercing ordoubly transpiercing and titillating than the subtle warmth whichsimmers between the nap of the chair and a maiden sitting duringcertain weather. 

Now without knowing it the Countess was incommoded by her innocence, which gave more trouble than it was worth to her brain, and gnawed herall over. Then the good man, seriously grieved to see her languishing, wished to drive away the thoughts which were ultra-conjugal principlesof love. 

"Whence comes your sadness, sweetheart?" said he. 

"From shame. "

"What then affronts you?"

"The not being a good woman; because I am without a child, and youwithout lineage! Is one a lady without progeny? Nay! Look! . . . Allmy neighbours have it, and I was married to have it, as you to give itto me; the nobles of Touraine are all amply furnished with children, and their wives give them lapfuls, you alone have none, they laugh atyou there. What will become of your name and your fiefs and yourseigniories? A child is our natural company; it is a delight to us tomake a fright of it, to fondle it, to swaddle it, to dress and undressit, to cuddle it, to sing it lullabies, to cradle it, to get it up, toput it to bed, and to nourish it, and I feel that if I had only thehalf of one, I would kiss it, swaddle it, and unharness it, and Iwould make it jump and crow all day long, as the other ladies do. "

"Were it not that in giving them birth women die, and that for thisyou are still too delicate and too close in the bud, you would alreadybe a mother, " replied the seneschal, made giddy with the flow ofwords. "But will you buy one ready-made?--that will cost you neitherpain nor labour. "

"But, " said she, "I want the pain and labour, without which it willnot be ours. I know very well it should be the fruit of my body, because at church they say that Jesus was the fruit of the Virgin'swomb. "

"Very well, then pray God that it may be so, " cried the seneschal, "and intercede with the Virgin of Egrignolles. Many a lady hasconceived after the neuvaine; you must not fail to do one. "

Then the same day Blanche set out towards Notre-Dame de l'Egrignolles, decked out like a queen riding her beautiful mare, having on her arobe of green velvet, laced down with fine gold lace, open at thebreast, having sleeves of scarlet, little shoes and a high hatornamented with precious stones, and a gold waistband that showed offher little waist, as slim as a pole. She wished to give her dress toMadame the Virgin, and in fact promised it to her, for the day of herchurching. The Sire de Montsoreau galloped before her, his eye brightas that of a hawk, keeping the people back and guarding with hisknights the security of the journey. Near Marmoustiers the seneschal, rendered sleepy by the heat, seeing it was the month of August, waggled about in his saddle, like a diadem upon the head of a cow, andseeing so frolicsome and so pretty a lady by the side of so old afellow, a peasant girl, who was squatting near the trunk of a tree anddrinking water out of her stone jug inquired of a toothless old hag, who picked up a trifle by gleaning, if this princess was going to buryher dead. 

"Nay, " said the old woman, "it is our lady of Roche-Corbon, wife ofthe seneschal of Poitou and Touraine, in quest of a child. "

"Ah! Ah!" said the young girl, laughing like a fly just satisfied;then pointing to the handsome knight who was at the head of theprocession--"he who marches at the head would manage that; she wouldsave the wax-candles and the vow. "

"Ha! my little one, " replied the hag, "I am rather surprised that sheshould go to Notre-Dame de l'Egrignolles seeing that there are nohandsome priests there. She might very well stop for a short timebeneath the shadow the belfry of Marmoustiers; she would soon befertile, those good fathers are so lively. "

"By a nun's oath!" said a tramp walking up, "look; the Sire deMontsoreau is lively and delicate enough to open the lady's heart, themore so as he is well formed to do so. "

And all commenced a laugh. The Sire de Montsoreau wished to go to themand hang them in lime-tree by the road as a punishment for their badwords, but Blanche cried out quickly--

"Oh, sir, do not hang them yet. They have not said all they mean; andwe shall see them on our return. "

She blushed, and the Sire de Montsoreau looked at her eagerly, asthough to shoot into her the mystic comprehensions of love, but theclearing out of her intelligence had already been commenced by thesayings of the peasants which were fructifying in her understanding--her innocence was like touchwood, there was only need for a wordto inflame it. 

Thus Blanche perceived now the notable and physical differencesbetween the qualities of her old husband and perfections of the saidGauttier, a gentleman who was not over affected with his twenty-threeyears, but held himself upright as a ninepin in the saddle, and aswide-awake as the matin chimes, while in contrast to him, slept theseneschal; he had courage and dexterity there where his master failed. He was one of those smart fellows whom the jades would sooner wear atnight than a leathern garment, because they then no longer fear thefleas; there are some who vituperate them, but no one should beblamed, because every one should sleep as he likes. 

So much did the seneschal's lady think, and so imperially well, thatby the time she arrived at the bridge of Tours, she loved Gauttiersecretly, as a maiden loves, without suspecting that it is love. Fromthat she became a proper woman, that is to say, she desired the goodof others, the best that men have, she fell into a fit oflove-sickness, going at the first jump to the depth of her misery, seeing that all is flame between the first coveting and the last desire, and she knew not how she then learned that by the eyes can flow in asubtle essence, causing such powerful corrosions in all the veins ofthe body, recesses of the heart, nerves of the members, roots of thehair, perspiration of the substance, limbo of the brain, orifices ofthe epidermis, windings of the pluck, tubes of the hypochondriac andother channels which in her was suddenly dilated, heated, tickled, envenomed, clawed, harrowed, and disturbed, as if she had a basketfulof needles in her inside. This was a maiden's desire, awell-conditioned desire, which troubled her sight to such a degree thatshe no longer saw her old spouse, but clearly the young Gauttier, whosenature was as ample as the glorious chin of an abbot. When the goodman entered Tours the Ah! Ah! of the crowd woke him up, and he camewith great pomp with his suite to the Church of Notre-Dame del'Egrignolles, formerly called la greigneur, as if you said that whichhas the most merit. Blanche went into the chapel where children areasked to God and of the Virgin, and went there alone, as was thecustom, always however in the presence of the seneschal, of hisvarlets and the loiterers who remained outside the grill. When thecountess saw the priest come who had charge of the masses said forchildren, and who received the said vows, she asked him if there weremany barren women. To which the good priest replied, that he must notcomplain, and that the children were good revenue to the Church. 

"And do you often see, " said Blanche, "young women with such oldhusbands as my lord?"

"Rarely, " said he. 

"But have those obtained offspring?"

"Always, " replied the priest smiling. 

"And the others whose companions are not so old?"

"Sometimes. "

"Oh! Oh!" said she, "there is more certainty then with one like theseneschal?"

"To be sure, " said the priest. 

"Why?" said she. 

"Madame, " gravely replied priest, "before that age God aloneinterferes with the affair, after, it is the men. "

At this time it was a true thing that all the wisdom had gone to theclergy. Blanch made her vow, which was a very profitable one, seeingthat her decorations were worth quite two thousand gold crowns. 

"You are very joyful!" said the old seneschal to her when on the homejourney she made her mare prance, jump, and frisk. 

"Yes, yes!" said she. "There is no longer any doubt about my having achild, because any one can help me, the priest said: I shall takeGauttier. "

The seneschal wished to go and slay the monk, but he thought that wasa crime which would cost him too much, and he resolved cunningly toarrange his vengeance with the help of the archbishop; and before thehousetops of Roche-Corbon came in sight he had ordered the Sire deMontsoreau to seek a little retirement in his own country, which theyoung Gauttier did, knowing the ways of the lord. The seneschal put inthe place of the said Gauttier the son of the Sire de Jallanges, whosefief was held from Roche-Corbon. He was a young boy named Rene, approaching fourteen years, and he made him a page, awaiting the timewhen he should be old enough to be an equerry, and gave the command ofhis men to an old cripple, with whom he had knocked about a great dealin Palestine and other places. Thus the good man believed he wouldavoid the horned trappings of cuckoldom, and would still be able togirth, bridle, and curb the factious innocence of his wife, whichstruggled like a mule held by a rope. 

THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN. 

The Sunday following the arrival of Rene at the manor of Roche-Corbon, Blanche went out hunting without her goodman, and when she was in theforest near Les Carneaux, saw a monk who appeared to be pushing a girlabout more than was necessary, and spurred on her horse, saying to herpeople, "Ho there! Don't let him kill her. " But when the seneschal'slady arrived close to them, she turned her horse's head quickly andthe sight she beheld prevented her from hunting. She came backpensive, and then the lantern of her intelligence opened, and receiveda bright light, which made a thousand things clear, such as church andother pictures, fables, and lays of the troubadours, or the domesticarrangements of birds; suddenly she discovered the sweet mystery oflove written in all languages, even in that of the Carps'. Is it notsilly thus to seal this science from maidens? Soon Blanche went tobed, and soon said she to the seneschal--

"Bruyn, you have deceived me, you ought to behave as the monk of theCarneaux behaved to the girl. "

Old Bruyn suspected the adventure, and saw well that his evil hour wasat hand. He regarded Blanche with too much fire in his eyes for thesame ardour to be lower down, and answered her softly--

"Alas! sweetheart, in taking you for my wife I had more love thanstrength, and I have taken advantage of your clemency and virtue. Thegreat sorrow of my life is to feel all my capability in my heart only. This sorrow hastens my death little by little, so that you will soonbe free. Wait for my departure from this world. That is the solerequest that he makes of you, he who is your master, and who couldcommand you, but who wishes only to be your prime minister and slave. Do not betray the honour of my white hairs! Under these circumstancesthere have been lords who have slain their wives. 

"Alas! you will not kill me?" said she. 

"No, " replied the old man, "I love thee too much, little one; why, thou art the flower of my old age, the joy of my soul. Thou art mywell-beloved daughter; the sight of thee does good to mine eyes, andfrom thee I could endure anything, be it a sorrow or a joy, providedthat thou does not curse too much the poor Bruyn who has made thee agreat lady, rich and honoured. Wilt thou not be a lovely widow? Andthy happiness will soften the pangs of death. "

And he found in his dried-up eyes still one tear which trickled quitewarm down his fir-cone coloured face, and fell upon the hand ofBlanche, who, grieved to behold this great love of her old spouse whowould put himself under the ground to please her, said laughingly--

"There! there! don't cry, I will wait. "

Thereupon the seneschal kissed her hands and regaled her with littleendearments, saying with a voice quivering with emotion--

"If you knew, Blanche my darling, how I devour thee in thy sleep withcaresses, now here, now there!" And the old ape patted her with histwo hands, which were nothing but bones. And he continued, "I darednot waken the cat that would have strangled my happiness, since atthis occupation of love I only embraced with my heart. "

"Ah!" replied she, "you can fondle me thus even when my eyes are open;that has not the least effect upon me. "

At these words the poor seneschal, taking the little dagger which wason the table by the bed, gave it to her, saying with passion--

"My darling, kill me, or let me believe that you love me a little!"

"Yes, yes, " said she, quite frightened, "I will try to love you much. "

Behold how this young maidenhood made itself master of this old manand subdued him, for in the name of the sweet face of Venus, Blanche, endowed with the natural artfulness of women, made her old Bruyn comeand go like a miller's mule. 

"My good Bruyn, I want this! Bruyn, I want that--go on Bruyn!" Bruyn!Bruyn! And always Bruyn in such a way that Bruyn was more worn-out bythe clemency of his wife than he would have been by her unkindness. She turned his brain wishing that everything should be in scarlet, making him turn everything topsy-turvy at the least movement of hereyebrow, and when she was sad the seneschal distracted, would say toeverything from his judicial seat, "Hang him!" Another would have diedlike a fly at this conflict with the maid's innocence, but Bruyn wasof such an iron nature that it was difficult to finish him off. Oneevening that Blanche had turned the house upside-down, upset the menand the beasts, and would by her aggravating humour have made theeternal father desperate--he who has such an infinite treasure ofpatience since he endures us--she said to the seneschal while gettinginto bed, "My good Bruyn, I have low down fancies, that bite and prickme; thence they rise into my heart, inflame my brain, incite metherein to evil deeds, and in the night I dream of the monk of theCarneaux. "

"My dear, " replied the seneschal, "these are devilries and temptationsagainst which the monks and nuns know how to defend themselves. If youwill gain salvation, go and confess to the worthy Abbot ofMarmoustiers, our neighbour; he will advise you well and will holilydirect you in the good way. "

"Tomorrow I will go, " said she. 

And indeed directly it was day, she trotted off to the monastery ofthe good brethren, who marvelled to see among them so pretty a lady;committed more than one sin through her in the evening; and for thepresent led her with great ceremony to their reverend abbot. 

Blanche found the said good man in a private garden near the high rockunder a flower arcade, and remained stricken with respect at thecountenance of the holy man, although she was accustomed not to thinkmuch of grey hairs. 

"God preserve you, Madame; what can you have to seek of one so neardeath, you so young?"

"Your precious advice, " said she, saluting him with a courtesy; "andif it will please you to guide so undutiful a sheep, I shall be wellcontent to have so wise a confessor. "

"My daughter, " answered the monk, with whom old Bruyn had arrangedthis hypocrisy and the part to play, "if I had not the chills of ahundred winters upon this unthatched head, I should not dare to listento your sins, but say on; if you enter paradise, it will be throughme. "

Then the seneschal's wife set forth the small fry of her stock inhand, and when she was purged of her little iniquities, she came tothe postscript of her confession. 

"Ah! my father!" said she, "I must confess to you that I am dailyexercised by the desire to have a child. Is it wrong?"

"No, " said the abbot. 

But she went on, "It is by nature commanded to my husband not to drawfrom his wealth to bring about his poverty, as the old women say bythe way. "

"Then, " replied the priest, "you must live virtuously and abstain fromall thoughts of this kind. "

"But I have heard it professed by the Lady of Jallanges, that it wasnot a sin when from it one derived neither profit nor pleasure. "

"There always is pleasure, " said the abbot, "but don't count upon thechild as a profit. Now fix this in your understanding, that it willalways be a mortal sin before God and a crime before men to bringforth a child through the embraces of a man to whom one is notecclesiastically married. Thus those women who offend against the holylaws of marriage, suffer great penalties in the other world, are inthe power of horrible monsters with sharp and tearing claws, whothrust them into flaming furnaces in remembrance of the fact that herebelow they have warmed their hearts a little more than was lawful. "

Thereupon Blanche scratched her ear, and having thought to herself fora little while, she said to the priest, "How then did the VirginMary?"

"Ah!" replied abbot, "that it is a mystery. "

"And what is a mystery?"

"A thing that cannot be explained, and which one ought to believewithout enquiring into it. "

"Well then, " said she, "cannot I perform a mystery?"

"This one, " said the Abbot, "only happened once, because it was theSon of God. "

"Alas! my father, is it then the will of God that I should die, orthat from wise and sound comprehension my brain should be turned? Ofthis there is a great danger. Now in me something moves and excitesme, and I am no longer in my senses. I care for nothing, and to find aman I would leap the walls, dash over the fields without shame andtear my things into tatters, only to see that which so much excitedthe monk of the Carneaux; and during these passions which work andprick my mind and body, there is neither God, devil, nor husband. Ispring, I run, I smash up the wash-tubs, the pots, the farmimplements, a fowl-house, the household things, and everything, in away that I cannot describe. But I dare not confess to you all mymisdeeds, because speaking of them makes my mouth water, and the thingwith which God curses me makes me itch dreadfully. If this folly bitesand pricks me, and slays my virtue, will God, who has placed thisgreat love in my body, condemn me to perdition?"

At this question it was the priest who scratched his ear, quitedumbfounded by the lamentations, profound wisdom, controversies andintelligence that this virginity secreted. 

"My daughter, " said he, "God has distinguished us from the beasts andmade us a paradise to gain, and for this given us reason, which is arudder to steer us against tempests and our ambitious desires, andthere is a means of easing the imaginations of one's brain by fasting, excessive labours, and other virtues; and instead of frisking andfretting like a child let loose from school, you should pray to thevirgin, sleep on a hard board, attend to your household duties, andnever be idle. "

"Ah! my father, when I am at church in my seat, I see neither thepriest nor the altar, only the infant Jesus, who brings the thing intomy head. But to finish, if my head is turned and my mind wanders, I amin the lime-twigs of love. "

"If thus you were, " said the abbot, imprudently, "you would be in theposition of Saint Lidoire, who in a deep sleep one day, one leg hereand one leg there, through the great heat and scantily attired, wasapproached by a young man full of mischief, who dexterously seducedher, and as of this trick the saint was thoroughly ignorant, and muchsurprised at being brought to bed, thinking that her unusual size wasa serious malady, she did penance for it as a venial sin, as she hadno pleasure in this wicked business, according to the statement of thewicked man, who said upon the scaffold where he was executed, that thesaint had in nowise stirred. "

"Oh, my father, " said she, "be sure that I should not stir more thanshe did!"

With this statement she went away prettily and gracefully, smiling andthinking how she could commit a venial sin. On her return from thegreat monastery, she saw in the courtyard of her castle the littleJallanges, who under the superintendence of an old groom was turningand wheeling about on a fine horse, bending with the movements of theanimal, dismounting and mounting again with vaults and leaps mostgracefully, and with lissome thighs, so pretty, so dextrous, soupright as to be indescribable, so much so, that he would have madethe Queen Lucrece long for him, she who killed herself from havingbeen contaminated against her will. 

"Ah!" said Blanche, "if only this page were fifteen, I would go tosleep comfortably very near to him. "

Then, in spite of the too great youth of this charming servitor, during the collation and supper, she eyed frequently the black hair, the white skin, the grace of Rene, above all his eyes, where was anabundance of limpid warmth and a great fire of life, which he wasafraid to shoot out--child that he was. 

Now in the evening, as the seneschal's wife sat thoughtfully in herchair in the corner of the fireplace, old Bruyn interrogated her as toher trouble. 

"I am thinking. " said she, "that you must have fought the battles oflove very early, to be thus completely broken up. "

"Oh!" smiled he, smiling like all old men questioned upon theiramorous remembrances, "at the age of thirteen and a half I hadovercome the scruples of my mother's waiting woman. "

Blanche wished to hear nothing more, but believed the page Rene shouldbe equally advanced, and she was quite joyous and practised littleallurements on the good man, and wallowed silently in her desire, likea cake which is being floured. 

HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED. 

The seneschal's wife did not think long over the best way quickly toawaken the love of the page, and had soon discovered the naturalambuscade in the which the most wary are taken. This is how: at thewarmest hour of the day the good man took his siesta after the Saracenfashion, a habit in which he had never failed, since his return fromthe Holy Land. During this time Blanche was alone in the grounds, where the women work at their minor occupations, such as broideringand stitching, and often remained in the rooms looking after thewashing, putting the clothes tidy, or running about at will. Then sheappointed this quiet hour to complete the education of the page, making him read books and say his prayers. Now on the morrow, when atthe mid-day hour the seneschal slept, succumbing to the sun whichwarms with its most luminous rays the slopes of Roche-Corbon, so muchso that one is obliged to sleep, unless annoyed, upset, andcontinually roused by a devil of a young woman. Blanche thengracefully perched herself in the great seignorial chair of her goodman, which she did not find any too high, since she counted upon thechances of perspective. The cunning jade settled herself dextrouslytherein, like a swallow in its nest, and leaned her head maliciouslyupon her arm like a child that sleeps; but in making her preparationsshe opened fond eyes, that smiled and winked in advance of the littlesecret thrills, sneezes, squints, and trances of the page who wasabout to lie at her feet, separated from her by the jump of an oldflea; and in fact she advanced so much and so near the square ofvelvet where the poor child should kneel, whose life and soul shetrifled with, that had he been a saint of stone, his glance would havebeen constrained to follow the flexousities of the dress in order toadmire and re-admire the perfections and beauties of the shapely leg, which moulded the white stocking of the seneschal's lady. Thus it wascertain that a weak varlet would be taken in the snare, wherein themost vigorous knight would willingly have succumbed. When she hadturned, returned, placed and displaced her body, and found thesituation in which the page would be most comfortable, she cried, gently. "Rene!" Rene, whom she knew well was in the guard-room, didnot fail to run in and quickly thrust his brown head between thetapestries of the door. 

"What do you please to wish?" said the page. And he held with greatrespect in his hand his shaggy scarlet cap, less red than his freshdimpled cheeks. 

"Come hither, " replied she, under her breath, for the child attractedher so strongly that she was quite overcome. 

And forsooth there were no jewels so sparkling as the eyes of Rene, novellum whiter than his skin, no woman more exquisite in shape--and sonear to her desire, she found him still more sweetly formed--and wascertain that the merry frolics of love would radiate well from thisyouth, the warm sun, the silence, et cetera. 

"Read me the litanies of Madame the Virgin, " said she to him, pushingan open book him on her prieu-dieu. "Let me see if you are well taughtby your master. "

"Do you not think the Virgin beautiful?" asked she of him, smilingwhen he held the illuminated prayer-book in which glowed the silverand gold. 

"It is a painting, " replied he, timidly, and casting a little glanceupon his so gracious mistress. 

"Read! read!"

Then Rene began to recite the so sweet and so mystic litanies; but youmay imagine that the "Ora pro nobis" of Blanche became still fainterand fainter, like the sound of the horn in the woodlands, and when thepage went on, "Oh, Rose of mystery, " the lady, who certainly hearddistinctly, replied by a gentle sigh. Thereupon Rene suspected thathis mistress slept. Then he commenced to cover her with his regard, admiring her at his leisure, and had then no wish to utter any anthemsave the anthem of love. His happiness made his heart leap and boundinto his throat; thus, as was but natural, these two innocents burnedone against the other, but if they could have foreseen never wouldhave intermingled. Rene feasted his eyes, planning in his mind athousand fruitions of love that brought the water into his mouth. Inhis ecstasy he let his book fall, which made him feel as sheepish as amonk surprised at a child's tricks; but also from that he knew thatBlanche was sound asleep, for she did not stir, and the wily jadewould not have opened her eyes even at the greatest dangers, andreckoned on something else falling as well as the book of prayer. 

There is no worse longing than the longing of a woman in certaincondition. Now, the page noticed his lady's foot, which was delicatelyslippered in a little shoe of a delicate blue colour. She hadangularly placed it on a footstool, since she was too high in theseneschal's chair. This foot was of narrow proportions, delicatelycurved, as broad as two fingers, and as long as a sparrow, tailincluded, small at the top--a true foot of delight, a virginal footthat merited a kiss as a robber does the gallows; a roguish foot; afoot wanton enough to damn an archangel; an ominous foot; a devilishlyenticing foot, which gave one a desire to make two new ones just likeit to perpetuate in this lower world the glorious works of God. Thepage was tempted to take the shoe from this persuasive foot. Toaccomplish this his eyes glowing with the fire of his age, wentswiftly, like the clapper of a bell, from this said foot ofdelectation to the sleeping countenance of his lady and mistress, listening to her slumber, drinking in her respiration again and again, it did not know where it would be sweetest to plant a kiss--whether onthe ripe red lips of the seneschal's wife or on this speaking foot. Atlength, from respect or fear, or perhaps from great love, he chose thefoot, and kissed it hastily, like a maiden who dares not. Thenimmediately he took up his book, feeling his red cheeks redder still, and exercised with his pleasure, he cried like a blind man--"_Januacoeli, : gate of Heaven_. " But Blanche did not move, making sure thatthe page would go from foot to knee, and thence to "_Janua coeli, : gateof Heaven_. " She was greatly disappointed when the litanies finishedwithout any other mischief, and Rene, believing he had had enoughhappiness for one day, ran out of the room quite lively, richer fromthis hardy kiss than a robber who has robbed the poor-box. 

When the seneschal's lady was alone, she thought to herself that thispage would be rather a long time at his task if he amused himself withthe singing of the Magnificat at matins. Then she determined on themorrow to raise her foot a little, and then to bring to light thosehidden beauties that are called perfect in Touraine, because they takeno hurt in the open air, and are always fresh. You can imagine thatthe page, burned by his desire and his imagination, heated by the daybefore, awaited impatiently the hour to read in this breviary ofgallantry, and was called; and the conspiracy of the litaniescommenced again, and Blanche did not fail to fall asleep. This timethe said Rene fondled with his hand the pretty limb, and even venturedso far as to verify if the polished knee and its surroundings weresatin. At this sight the poor child, armed against his desire, sogreat was his fear, dared only to make brief devotion and curtcaresses, and although he kissed softly this fair surface, he remainedbashful, the which, feeling by the senses of her soul and theintelligence of her body, the seneschal's lady who took great care notto move, called out to him--"Ah, Rene, I am asleep. "

Hearing what he believed to be a stern reproach, the page frightenedran away, leaving the books, the task, and all. Thereupon, theseneschal's better half added this prayer to the litany--"Holy Virgin, how difficult children are to make. "

At dinner her page perspired all down his back while waiting on hislady and her lord; but he was very much surprised when he receivedfrom Blanche the most shameless of all glances that ever woman cast, and very pleasant and powerful it was, seeing that it changed thischild into a man of courage. Now, the same evening Bruyn staying alittle longer than was his custom in his own apartment, the page wentin search of Blanche, and found her asleep, and made her dream abeautiful dream. 

He knocked off the chains that weighed so heavily upon her, and soplentifully bestowed upon her the sweets of love, that the surpluswould have sufficed to render to others blessed with the joys ofmaternity. So then the minx, seizing the page by the head andsqueezing him to her, cried out--"Oh, Rene! Thou hast awakened me!"

And in fact there was no sleep could stand against it, and it iscertain that saints must sleep very soundly. From this business, without any other mystery, and by a benign faculty which is theassisting principle of spouses, the sweet and graceful plumage, suitable to cuckolds, was placed upon the head of the good husbandwithout his experiencing the slightest shock. 

After this sweet repast, the seneschal's lady took kindly to hersiesta after the French fashion, while Bruyn took his according to theSaracen. But by the said siesta she learned how the good youth of thepage had a better taste than that of the old seneschal, and at nightshe buried herself in the sheets far away from her husband, whom shefound strong and stale. And from sleeping and waking up in the day, from taking siestas and saying litanies, the seneschal's wife feltgrowing within her that treasure for which she had so often and soardently sighed; but now she liked more the commencement than thefructifying of it. 

You may be sure that Rene knew how to read, not only in books, but inthe eyes of his sweet lady, for whom he would have leaped into aflaming pile, had it been her wish he should do so. When well andamply, more than a hundred times, the train had been laid by them, thelittle lady became anxious about her soul and the future of her friendthe page. Now one rainy day, as they were playing at touch-tag, liketwo children, innocent from head to foot, Blanche, who was alwayscaught, said to him--

"Come here, Rene; do you know that while I have only committed venialsins because I was asleep, you have committed mortal ones?"

"Ah, Madame!" said he, "where then will God stow away all the damnedif that is to sin!"

Blanche burst out laughing, and kissed his forehead. 

"Be quiet, you naughty boy; it is a question of paradise, and we mustlive there together if you wish always to be with me. "

"Oh, my paradise is here. "

"Leave off, " said she. "You are a little wretch--a scapegrace who doesnot think of that which I love--yourself! You do not know that I amwith child, and that in a little while I shall be no more able toconceal it than my nose. Now, what will the abbot say? What will mylord say? He will kill you if he puts himself in a passion. My adviceis little one, that you go to the abbot of Marmoustiers, confess yoursins to him, asking him to see what had better be done concerning myseneschal. 

"Alas, " said the artful page, "if I tell the secret of our joys, hewill put his interdict upon our love. "

"Very likely, " said she; "but thy happiness in the other world is athing so precious to me. "

"Do you wish it my darling?"

"Yes, " replied she rather faintly. 

"Well, I will go, but sleep again that I may bid you adieu. "

And the couple recited the litany of Farewells as if they had bothforeseen that their love must finish in its April. And on the morrow, more to save his dear lady than to save himself, and also to obey her, Rene de Jallanges set out towards the great monastery. 

HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNING. 

"Good God!" cried the abbot, when the page had chanted the Kyrieeleison of his sweet sins, "thou art the accomplice of a great felony, and thou has betrayed thy lord. Dost thou know page of darkness, thatfor this thou wilt burn through all eternity? and dost thou know whatit is to lose forever the heaven above for a perishable and changefulmoment here below? Unhappy wretch! I see thee precipitated for ever inthe gulfs of hell unless thou payest to God in this world that whichthou owest him for such offence. "

Thereupon the good old abbot, who was of that flesh of which saintsare made, and who had great authority in the country of Touraine, terrified the young man by a heap of representations, Christiandiscourses, remembrances of the commandments of the Church, and athousand eloquent things--as many as a devil could say in six weeks toseduce a maiden--but so many that Rene, who was in the loyal fervourof innocence, made his submission to the good abbot. The said abbot, wishing to make forever a good and virtuous man of this child, now ina fair way to be a wicked one, commanded him first to go and prostratehimself before his lord, to confess his conduct to him, and then if heescaped from this confession, to depart instantly for the Crusades, and go straight to the Holy Land, where he should remain fifteen yearsof the time appointed to give battle to the Infidels. 

"Alas, my reverend father, " said he, quite unmoved, "will fifteenyears be enough to acquit me of so much pleasure? Ah! If you knew, Ihave had joy enough for a thousand years. "

"God will be generous. Go, " replied the old abbot, "and sin no more. On this account, _ego te absolvo_. "

Poor Rene returned thereupon with great contrition to the castle ofRoche-Corbon and the first person he met was the seneschal, who waspolishing up his arms, helmets, gauntlets, and other things. He wassitting on a great marble bench in the open air, and was amusinghimself by making shine again the splendid trappings which broughtback to him the merry pranks in the Holy Land, the good jokes, and thewenches, et cetera. When Rene fell upon his knees before him, the goodlord was much astonished. 

"What is it?" said he. 

"My lord, " replied Rene, "order these people to retire. "

Which the servants having done, the page confessed his fault, recounting how he had assailed his lady in her sleep, and that forcertain he had made her a mother in imitation of the man and thesaint, and came by order of the confessor to put himself at thedisposition of the offended person. Having said which, Rene deJallanges cast down his lovely eyes, which had produced all themischief, and remained abashed, prostrate without fear, his armshanging down, his head bare, awaiting his punishment, and humblinghimself to God. The seneschal was not so white that he could notbecome whiter, and now he blanched like linen newly dried, remainingdumb with passion. And this old man who had not in his veins the vitalforce to procreate a child, found in this moment of fury more vigourthan was necessary to undo a man. He seized with his hairy right handhis heavy club, lifted it, brandished it and adjusted it so easily youcould have thought it a bowl at a game of skittles, to bring it downupon the pale forehead of the said Rene, who knowing that he wasgreatly in fault towards his lord, remained placid, and stretching hisneck, thought that he was about to expiate his sin for his sweetheartin this world and in the other. 

But his fair youth, and all the natural seductions of this sweetcrime, found grace before the tribunal of the heart of this old man, although Bruyn was still severe, and throwing his club away on to adog who was catching beetles, he cried out, "May a thousand millionclaws, tear during all eternity, all the entrails of him, who madehim, who planted the oak, that made the chair, on which thou hastantlered me--and the same to those who engendered thee, cursed page ofmisfortune! Get thee to the devil, whence thou camest--go out frombefore me, from the castle, from the country, and stay not here onemoment more than is necessary, otherwise I will surely prepare forthee a death by slow fire that shall make thee curse twenty times anhour thy villainous and ribald partner!"

Hearing the commencement of these little speeches of the seneschal, whose youth came back in his oaths, the page ran away, escaping therest: and he did well. Bruyn, burning with a fierce rage, gained thegardens speedily, reviling everything by the way, striking andswearing; he even knocked over three large pans held by one of hisservants, was carrying the mess to the dogs, and he was so besidehimself that he would have killed a labourer for a "thank you. " Hesoon perceived his unmaidenly maiden, who was looking towards the roadto the monastery, waiting for the page, and unaware that she wouldnever see him again. 

"Ah, my lady! By the devil's red three-pronged fork, am I a swallowerof tarradiddles and a child, to believe that you are so fashioned thata page can behave in this manner and you not know it? By the death! Bythe head! By the blood!"

"Hold!" she replied, seeing that the mine was sprung, "I knew it wellenough, but as you had not instructed me in these matters I thoughtthat I was dreaming!"

The great ire of the seneschal melted like snow in the sun, for thedirest anger of God himself would have vanished at a smile fromBlanche. 

"May a thousand millions of devils carry off this alien child! I swearthat--"

"There! there! do not swear, " said she. "If it is not yours, it ismine; and the other night did you not tell me you loved everythingthat came from me?"

Thereupon she ran on with such a lot of arguments, hard words, complaints, quarrels, tears, and other paternosters of women; such as--firstly the estates would not have to be returned to the king; thatnever had a child been brought more innocently into the world, thatthis, that that, a thousand things; until the good cuckold relented, and Blanche, seizing a propitious interruption said--

"And where it is the page?"

"Gone to the devil!"

"What, have you killed him?" said she. She turned pale and tottered. 

Bruyn did not know what would become of him when he saw thus fall allthe happiness of his old age, and he would to save her have shown herthis page. He ordered him to be sought, but Rene had run off at fullspeed, fearing he should be killed; and departed for the lands beyondthe seas, in order to accomplish his vow of religion. When Blanche hadlearned from the above-mentioned abbot the penitence imposed upon herwell beloved, she fell into a state of great melancholy, saying attimes, "Where is he, the poor unfortunate, who is in the middle ofgreat dangers for love of me?"

And always kept on asking, like a child who gives its mother no restuntil its request be granted it. At these lamentations the poorseneschal, feeling himself to blame, endeavoured to do a thousandthings, putting one out of the question, in order to make Blanchehappy; but nothing was equal to the sweet caresses of the page. However, she had one day the child so much desired. You may be surethat was a fine festival for the good cuckold, for the resemblance tothe father was distinctly engraved upon the face of this sweet fruitof love. Blanche consoled herself greatly, and picked up again alittle of her old gaiety and flower of innocence, which rejoiced theaged hours of the seneschal. From constantly seeing the little one runabout, watching its laughs answer those of the countess, he finishedby loving it, and would have been in a great rage with anyone who hadnot believed him its father. 

Now as the adventure of Blanche and her page had not been carriedbeyond the castle, it was related throughout Touraine that MessireBruyn had still found himself sufficiently in funds to afford a child. Intact remained the virtue of Blanche, and by the quintessence ofinstruction drawn by her from the natural reservoir of women, sherecognised how necessary it was to be silent concerning the venial sinwith which her child was covered. So she became modest and good, andwas cited as a virtuous person. And then to make use of him sheexperimented on the goodness of her good man, and without giving himleave to go further than her chin, since she looked upon herself asbelonging to Rene, Blanche, in return for the flowers of age whichBruyn offered her, coddled him, smiled upon him, kept him merry, andfondled him with pretty ways and tricks, which good wives bestow uponthe husbands they deceive; and all so well, that the seneschal did notwish to die, squatted comfortably in his chair, and the more he livedthe more he became partial to life. But to be brief, one night he diedwithout knowing where he was going, for he said to Blanche, "Ho! ho!My dear, I see thee no longer! Is it night?"

It was the death of the just, and he had well merited it as a rewardfor his labours in the Holy Land. 

Blanche held for his death a great and true mourning, weeping for himas one weeps for one's father. She remained melancholy, withoutwishing to lend her ear to the music of a second wedding, for whichshe was praised by all good people, who knew not that she had ahusband in her heart, a life in hope; but she was the greater part ofher time a widow in fact and widow in heart, because hearing no newsof her lover at the Crusades, the poor Countess reputed him dead, andduring certain nights seeing him wounded and lying at full length, shewould wake up in tears. She lived thus for fourteen years in theremembrance of one day of happiness. Finally, one day when she hadwith her certain ladies of Touraine, and they were talking togetherafter dinner, behold her little boy, who was at that time aboutthirteen and a half, and resembled Rene more than it is allowable fora child to resemble his father, and had nothing of the Sire Bruynabout him but his name--behold the little one, a madcap and prettylike his mother, who came in from the garden, running, perspiring, panting, jumping, scattering all things in his way, after the uses andcustoms of infancy, and who ran straight to his well-beloved mother, jumping into her lap, and interrupting the conversation, cried out--

"Oh, mother I want to speak to you, I have seen in the courtyard apilgrim, who squeezed me very tight. "

"Ah!" cried the chatelaine, hurrying towards one of the servants whohad charge of the young count and watched over his precious days, "Ihave forbidden you ever to leave my son in the hands of strangers, noteven in those of the holiest man in the world. You quit my service. "

"Alas! my lady, " replied the old equerry, quite overcome, "this onewished him no harm for he wept while kissing him passionately. "

"He wept?" said she; "ah! it's the father. "

Having said which, she leaned her head of upon the chair in which shewas sitting, and which you may be sure was the chair in which she hassinned. 

Hearing these strange words the ladies was so surprised that at firstthey did not perceive that the seneschal's widow was dead, without itsever been known if her sudden death was caused by her sorrow at thedeparture of her lover, who, faithful to his vow, did not wish to seeher, or from great joy at his return and the hope of getting theinterdict removed which the Abbot of Marmoustiers had placed upontheir loves. And there was a great mourning for her, for the Sire deJallanges lost his spirits when he saw his lady laid in the ground, and became a monk of Marmoustiers, which at that time was called bysome Maimoustier, as much as to say Maius Monasterium, the largestmonastery, and it was indeed the finest in all France. 

THE KING'S SWEETHEART

There lived at this time at the forges of the Pont-aux-Change, agoldsmith whose daughter was talked about in Paris on account of hergreat beauty, and renowned above all things for her exceedinggracefulness. There were those who sought her favours by the usualtricks of love and, but others offered large sums of money to thefather to give them his daughter in lawful wedlock, the which pleasedhim not a little. 

One of his neighbours, a parliamentary advocate, who by selling hiscunning devices to the public had acquired as many lands as a dog hasfleas, took it into his head to offer the said father a domain inconsideration of his consent to this marriage, which he ardentlydesired to undertake. To this arrangement our goldsmith was nothingloth. He bargained away his daughter, without taking intoconsideration the fact that her patched-up old suitor had the featuresof an ape and had scarcely a tooth in his jaws. The smell whichemanated from his mouth did not however disturb his own nostrils, although he was filthy and high flavoured, as are all those who passtheir lives amid the smoke of chimneys, yellow parchment, and otherblack proceedings. Immediately this sweet girl saw him she exclaimed, "Great Heaven! I would rather not have him. "

"That concerns me not, " said the father, who had taken a violent fancyto the proffered domain. "I give him to you for a husband. You mustget on as well as you can together. That is his business now, and hisduty is to make himself agreeable to you. "

"Is it so?" said she. "Well then, before I obey your orders I'll lethim know what he may expect. "

And the same evening, after supper, when the love-sick man of law waspleading his cause, telling her he was mad for her, and promising hera life of ease and luxury, she taking him up, quickly remarked--

"My father had sold me to you, but if you take me, you will make a badbargain, seeing that I would rather offer myself to the passers-bythan to you. I promise you a disloyalty that will only finish withdeath--yours or mine. "

Then she began to weep, like all young maidens will before they becomeexperienced, for afterwards they never cry with their eyes. The goodadvocate took this strange behaviour for one of those artifices bywhich the women seek to fan the flames of love and turn the devotionof their admirers into the more tender caress and more daringosculation that speaks a husband's right. So that the knave tooklittle notice of it, but laughing at the complaints of the charmingcreature, asked her to fix the day. 

"To-morrow, " replied she, "for the sooner this odious marriage takesplace, the sooner I shall be free to have gallants and to lead the gaylife of those who love where it pleases them. "

Thereupon the foolish fellow--as firmly fixed as a fly in a glue pot--went away, made his preparations, spoke at the Palace, ran to theHigh Court, bought dispensations, and conducted his purchase morequickly than he ever done one before, thinking only of the lovely girl. Meanwhile the king, who had just returned from a journey, heardnothing spoken of at court but the marvellous beauty of the jeweller'sdaughter who had refused a thousand crowns from this one, snubbed thatone; in fact, would yield to no one, but turned up her nose at thefinest young men of the city, gentlemen who would have forfeited theirseat in paradise only to possess one day, this little dragon ofvirtue. 

The good king, was a judge of such game, strolled into the town, pastthe forges, and entered the goldsmith's shop, for the purpose ofbuying jewels for the lady of his heart, but at the same time tobargain for the most precious jewel in the shop. The king not taking afancy to the jewels, or they not being to his taste, the good manlooked in a secret drawer for a big white diamond. 

"Sweetheart, " said he, to the daughter, while her father's nose wasburied in the drawer, "sweetheart, you were not made to sell preciousstones, but to receive them, and if you were to give me all the littlerings in the place to choose from, I know one that many here are madfor; that pleases me; to which I should ever be subject and servant;and whose price the whole kingdom of France could never pay. "

"Ah! sire!" replied the maid, "I shall be married to-morrow, but ifyou will lend me the dagger that is in your belt, I will defend myhonour, and you shall take it, that the gospel made be observedwherein it says, '_Render unto Caesar the things which beCaesar's' . . . _"

Immediately the king gave her the little dagger, and her brave replyrendered him so amorous that he lost his appetite. He had an apartmentprepared, intending to lodge his new lady-love in the Rue al'Hirundelle, in one of his palaces. 

And now behold my advocate, in a great hurry to get married, to thedisgust of his rivals, the leading his bride to the altar to the clangof bells and the sound of music, so timed as to provoke the qualms ofdiarrhoea. In the evening, after the ball, comes he into the nuptialchamber, where should be reposing his lovely bride. No longer is she alovely bride--but a fury--a wild she-devil, who, seated in anarmchair, refuses her share of her lord's couch, and sits defiantlybefore the fire warming at the same time her ire and her calves. Thegood husband, quite astonished, kneels down gently before her, inviting her to the first passage of arms in that charming battlewhich heralds a first night of love; but she utters not a word, andwhen he tries to raise her garment, only just to glance at the charmsthat have cost him so dear, she gives him a slap that makes his bonesrattle, and refuses to utter a syllable. 

This amusement, however, by no means displeased our friend theadvocate, who saw at the end of his troubles that which you can aswell imagine as he did; so played he his share of the game manfully, taking cheerfully the punishment bestowed upon him. By so muchhustling about, scuffling, and struggling he managed at last to tearaway a sleeve, to slit a petticoat, until he was able to place hishand upon his own property. This bold endeavour brought Madame to herfeet and drawing the king's dagger, "What would you with me?" shecried. 

"Everything, " answered he. 

"Ha! I should be a great fool to give myself against my inclination!If you fancied you would find my virtue unarmed you made a greaterror. Behold the poniard of the king, with which I will kill you ifyou make the semblance of a step towards me. "

So saying, she took a cinder, and having still her eyes upon her lordshe drew a circle on the floor, adding, "These are the confines of theking's domain. Beware how you pass them. "

The advocate, with whose ideas of love-making the dagger sadlyinterfered, stood quite discomfited, but at the same time he heard thecruel speech of his tormentor he caught sight through the slits andtears in her robe of a sweet sample of a plump white thigh, and suchvoluptuous specimens of hidden mysteries, et cetera, that death seemedsweet to him if he could only taste of them a little. So that herushed within the domain of the king, saying, "I mind not death. " Infact he came with such force that his charmer fell backwards onto thebed, but keeping her presence of mind she defended herself sogallantly that the advocate enjoyed no further advantage than a knockat the door that would not admit him, and he gained as well a littlestab from the poniard which did not wound him deeply, so that it didnot cost him very dearly, his attack upon the realm of his sovereign. But maddened with this slight advantage, he cried, "I cannot livewithout the possession of that lovely body, and those marvels of love. Kill me then!" And again he attacked the royal preserves. The youngbeauty, whose head was full of the king, was not even touched by thisgreat love, said gravely, "If you menace me further, it is not you butmyself I will kill. " She glared at him so savagely that the poor manwas quite terrified, and commenced to deplore the evil hour in whichhe had taken her to wife, and thus the night which should have been sojoyous, was passed in tears, lamentations, prayers, and ejaculations. In vain he tempted her with promises; she should eat out of gold, sheshould be a great lady, he would buy houses and lands for her. Oh! ifshe would only let him break one lance with her in the sweet conflictof love, he would leave her for ever and pass the remainder of hislife according to her fantasy. But she, still unyielding, said shewould permit him to die, and that was the only thing he could do toplease her. 

"I have not deceived you, " said she. "Agreeable to my promise, I shallgive myself to the king, making you a present of the peddler, chancepassers, and street loungers with whom I threatened you. "

When the day broke she put on her wedding garments and waitedpatiently till the poor husband had to depart to his office client'sbusiness, and then ran out into the town to seek the king. But she hadnot gone a bow-shot from the house before one of the king's servantswho had watched the house from dawn, stopped her with the question--

"Do you seek the king?"

"Yes, " said she. 

"Good; then allow me to be your good friend, " said the subtlecourtier. "I ask your aid and protection, as now I give you mine. "

With that he told her what sort of a man the king was, which was hisweak side, that he was passionate one day and silent the next, thatshe would luxuriously lodged and well kept, but that she must keep theking well in hand; in short, he chatted so pleasantly that the timepassed quickly until she found herself in the Hotel de l'Hirundellewhere afterwards lived Madame d'Estampes. The poor husband shedscalding tears, when he found his little bird had flown, and becamemelancholy and pensive. His friends and neighbours edified his earswith as many taunts and jeers as Saint Jacques had the honour ofreceiving in Compostella, but the poor fellow took it so to heart, that at last they tried rather to assuage his grief. These artfulcompeers by a species of legal chicanery, decreed that the good manwas not a cuckold, seeing that his wife had refused a consummation, and if the planter of horns had been anyone but the king, the saidmarriage might have been dissolved; but the amorous spouse waswretched unto death at my lady's trick. However, he left her to theking, determining one day to have her to himself, and thinking that alife-long shame would not be too dear a payment for a night with her. One must love well to love like that, eh? and there are many worldlyones, who mock at such affection. But he, still thinking of her, neglected his cases and his clients, his robberies and everything. Hewent to the palace like a miser searching for a lost sixpence, boweddown, melancholy, and absent-minded, so much so, that one day herelieved himself against the robe of a counsellor, believing all thewhile he stood against a wall. Meanwhile the beautiful girl was lovednight and day by the king, who could not tear himself from herembraces, because in amorous play she was so excellent, knowing aswell how to fan the flame of love as to extinguish it--to-day snubbinghim, to-morrow petting him, never the same, and with it a thousandlittle tricks to charm the ardent lover. 

A lord of Bridore killed himself through her, because she would notreceive his embraces, although he offered her his land, Bridore inTouraine. Of these gallants of Touraine, who gave an estate for onetilt with love's lance, there are none left. This death made the fairone sad, and since her confessor laid the blame of it upon her, shedetermined for the future to accept all domains and secretly easetheir owner's amorous pains for the better saving of their souls fromperdition. 'Twas thus she commenced to build up that great fortunewhich made her a person of consideration in the town. By this meansshe prevented many gallant gentlemen from perishing, playing her gameso well, and inventing such fine stories, that his Majesty littleguessed how much she aided him in securing the happiness of hissubjects. The fact is, she has such a hold over him that she couldhave made him believe the floor was the ceiling, which was perhapseasier for him to think than anyone else seeing that at the Rued'Hirundelle my lord king passed the greater portion of his timeembracing her always as though he would see if such a lovely articlewould wear away: but he wore himself out first, poor man, seeing thathe eventually died from excess of love. Although she took care togrant her favours only to the best and noblest in the court, and thatsuch occasions were rare as miracles, there were not wanting thoseamong her enemies and rivals who declared that for 10, 000 crowns asimple gentleman might taste the pleasures of his sovereign, which wasfalse above all falseness, for when her lord taxed her with it, didshe not reply, "Abominable wretches! Curse the devils who put thisidea in your head! I never yet did have man who spent less than 30, 000crowns upon me. "

The king, although vexed could not repress a smile, and kept her on amonth to silence scandal. And last, la demoiselle de Pisseleu, anxiousto obtain her place, brought about her ruin. Many would have liked tobe ruined in the same way, seeing she was taken by a young lord, washappy with him, the fires of love in her being still unquenched. Butto take up the thread again. One day that the king's sweetheart waspassing through the town in her litter to buy laces, furs, velvets, broideries, and other ammunition, and so charmingly attired, andlooking so lovely, that anyone, especially the clerks, would havebelieved the heavens were open above them, behold, her good man, whocomes upon her near the old cross. She, at that time lazily swingingher charming little foot over the side of the litter, drew in her headas though she had seen an adder. She was a good wife, for I know somewho would have proudly passed their husbands, to their shame and tothe great disrespect of conjugal rights. 

"What is the matter?" asked one M. De Lannoy, who humbly accompaniedher. 

"Nothing, " she whispered; "but that person is my husband. Poor man, how changed he looks. Formerly he was the picture of a monkey; todayhe is the very image of a Job. "

The poor advocate stood opened-mouthed. His heart beat rapidly at thesight of that little foot--of that wife so wildly loved. 

Observing which, the Sire de Lannoy said to him, with courtlyinnocence--

"If you are her husband, is that any reason you should stop herpassage?"

At this she burst out laughing, and the good husband instead ofkilling her bravely, shed scalding tears at that laugh which piercedhis heart, his soul, his everything, so much that he nearly tumbledover an old citizen whom the sight of the king's sweetheart had drivenagainst the wall. The aspect of this weak flower, which had been hisin the bud, but far from him had spread its lovely leaves; of thefairy figure, the voluptuous bust--all this made the poor advocatemore wretched and more mad for her than it is possible to express inwords. You must have been madly in love with a woman who refuses youradvances thoroughly to understand the agony of this unhappy man. Rareindeed is it to be so infatuated as he was. He swore that life, fortune, honour--all might go, but that for once at least he would beflesh-to-flesh with her, and make so grand a repast off her daintybody as would suffice him all his life. He passed the night saying, "oh yes; ah! I'll have her!" and "Curses am I not her husband?" and"Devil take me, " striking himself on the forehead and tossing about. There are chances and occasions which occur so opportunely in thisworld that little-minded men refuse them credence, saying they aresupernatural, but men of high intellect know them to be true becausethey could not be invented. One of the chances came to the pooradvocate, even the day after that terrible one which had been so sorea trial to him. One of his clients, a man of good renown, who had hisaudiences with the king, came one morning to the advocate, saying thathe required immediately a large sum of money, about 12, 000 crowns. Towhich the artful fellow replied, 12, 000 crowns were not so often metat the corner of a street as that which often is seen at the corner ofthe street; that besides the sureties and guarantees of interest, itwas necessary to find a man who had about him 12, 000 crowns, and thatthose gentlemen were not numerous in Paris, big city as it was, andvarious other things of a like character the man of cunning remarked. 

"Is it true, my lord, the you have a hungry and relentless creditor?"said he. 

"Yes, yes, " replied the other, "it concerns the mistress of the king. Don't breathe a syllable; but this evening, in consideration of 20, 000crowns and my domain of Brie, I shall take her measure. "

Upon this the advocate blanched, and the courtier perceived he toucheda tender point. As he had only lately returned from the wars, he didnot know that the lovely woman adored by the king had a husband. 

"You appear ill, " he said. 

"I have a fever, " replied the knave. "But is it to her that you givethe contract and the money?"

"Yes. "

"Who then manages the bargain? Is it she also?"

"No, " said the noble; "her little arrangements are concluded through aservant of hers, the cleverest little ladies'-maid that ever was. She's sharper than mustard, and these nights stolen from the king havelined her pockets well. "

"I know a Lombard who would accommodate you. But nothing can be done;of the 12, 000 crowns you shall not have a brass farthing if this sameladies'-maid does not come here to take the price of the article thatis so great an alchemist that turns blood into gold, by Heaven!"

"It will be a good trick to make her sign the receipt, " replied thelord, laughing. 

The servant came faithfully to the rendezvous with the advocate, whohad begged the lord to bring her. The ducats looked bright andbeautiful. There they lay all in a row, like nuns going to vespers. Spread out upon the table they would have made a donkey smile, even ifhe were being gutted alive; so lovely, so splendid, were those bravenoble young piles. The good advocate, however, had prepared this viewfor no ass, for the little handmaiden look longingly at the goldenheap, and muttered a prayer at the sight of them. Seeing which, thehusband whispered in her ear his golden words, "These are for you. "

"Ah!" said she; "I have never been so well paid. "

"My dear, " replied the dear man, "you shall have them without beingtroubled with me;" and turning her round, "Your client has not toldyou who I am, eh? No? Learn then, I am the husband of the lady whomthe king has debauched, and whom you serve. Carry her these crowns, and come back here. I will hand over yours to you on a condition whichwill be to your taste. "

The servant did as she was bidden, and being very curious to know howshe could get 12, 000 crowns without sleeping with the advocate, wasvery soon back again. 

"Now, my little one, " said he, "here are 12, 000 crowns. With this sumI could buy lands, men, women, and the conscience of three priests atleast; so that I believe if I give it to you I can have you, body, soul, and toe nails. And I shall have faith in you like an advocate, Iexpect that you will go to the lord who expects to pass the night withmy wife, and you will deceive him, by telling him that the king iscoming to supper with her, and that to-night he must seek his littleamusements elsewhere. By so doing I shall be able to take his placeand the king's. "

"But how?" said she. 

"Oh!" replied he; "I have bought you, you and your tricks. You won'thave to look at these crowns twice without finding me a way to have mywife. In bringing this conjunction about you commit no sin. It is awork of piety to bring together two people whose hands only been putone in to the other, and that by the priest. "

"By my faith, come, " said she; "after supper the lights will be putout, and you can enjoy Madame if you remain silent. Luckily, on thesejoyful occasions she cries more than she speaks, and asks questionswith her hands alone, for she is very modest, and does not like loosejokes, like the ladies of the Court. "

"Oh, " cried the advocate, "look, take the 12, 000 crowns, and I promiseyou twice as much more if I get by fraud that which belongs to me byright. "

Then he arranged the hour, the door, the signal, and all; and theservant went away, bearing with her on the back of the mules thegolden treasure wrung by fraud and trickery from the widow and theorphan, and they were all going to that place where everythinggoes--save our lives, which come from it. Now behold my advocate, whoshaves himself, scents himself, goes without onions for dinner thathis breath may be sweet, and does everything to make himself aspresentable as a gallant signor. He gives himself the airs of a youngdandy, tries to be lithe and frisky and to disguise his ugly face; hemight try all he knew, he always smelt of the musty lawyer. He was notso clever as the pretty washerwoman of Portillon who one day wishingto appear at her best before one of her lovers, got rid of adisagreeable odour in a manner well known to young women of aninventive turn of mind. But our crafty fellow fancied himself thenicest man in the world, although in spite of his drugs and perfumeshe was really the nastiest. He dressed himself in his thinnest clothesalthough the cold pinched him like a rope collar and sallied forth, quickly gaining the Rue d'Hirundelle. There he had to wait some time. But just as he was beginning to think he had been made a fool of, andjust as it was quite dark, the maid came down and opened alike thedoor to him and good husband slipped gleefully into the king'sapartment. The girl locked him carefully in a cupboard that was closeto his wife's bed, and through a crack he feasted his eyes upon herbeauty, for she undressed herself before the fire, and put on a thinnightgown, through which her charms were plainly visible. Believingherself alone with her maid she made those little jokes that womenwill when undressing. "Am I not worth 20, 000 crowns to-night? Is thatoverpaid with a castle in Brie?"

And saying this she gently raised two white supports, firm as rocks, which had well sustained many assaults, seeing they had been furiouslyattacked and had not softened. "My shoulders alone are worth akingdom; no king could make their equal. But I am tired of this life. That which is hard work is no pleasure. " The little maid smiled, andher lovely mistress said to her, "I should like to see you in myplace. " Then the maid laughed, saying--

"Be quiet, Madame, he is there. "

"Who?"

"Your husband. "

"Which?"

"The real one. "

"Chut!" said Madame. 

And her maid told her the whole story, wishing to keep her favour andthe 12, 000 crowns as well. 

"Oh well, he shall have his money's worth. I'll give his desires timeto cool. If he tastes me may I lose my beauty and become as ugly as amonkey's baby. You get into bed in my place and thus gain the 12, 000crowns. Go and tell him that he must take himself off early in themorning in order that I may not find out your trick upon me, and justbefore dawn I will get in by his side. "

The poor husband was freezing and his teeth were chattering, and thechambermaid coming to the cupboard on pretence of getting some linen, said to him, "Your hour of bliss approaches. Madame to-night has madegrand preparations and you will be well served. But work withoutwhistling, otherwise I shall be lost. "

At last, when the good husband was on the point of perishing withcold, the lights were put out. The maid cried softly in the curtainsto the king's sweetheart, that his lordship was there, and jumped intobed, while her mistress went out as if she had been the chambermaid. The advocate, released from his cold hiding-place, rolled rapturouslyinto the warm sheets, thinking to himself, "Oh! this is good!" To tellthe truth, the maid gave him his money's worth--and the good manthought of the difference between the profusion of the royal housesand the niggardly ways of the citizens' wives. The servant laughing, played her part marvellously well, regaling the knave with gentlecries, shiverings, convulsions and tossings about, like a newly-caughtfish on the grass, giving little Ah! Ahs! in default of other words;and as often as the request was made by her, so often was it compliedwith by the advocate, who dropped of to sleep at last, like an emptypocket. But before finishing, the lover who wished to preserve asouvenir of this sweet night of love, by a dextrous turn, plucked outone of his wife's hairs, where from I know not, seeing I was notthere, and kept in his hand this precious gauge of the warm virtue ofthat lovely creature. Towards the morning, when the cock crew, thewife slipped in beside her husband, and pretended to sleep. Then themaid tapped gently on the happy man's forehead, whispering in his ear, "It is time, get into your clothes and off you go--it's daylight. " Thegood man grieved to lose his treasure, and wished to see the source ofhis vanished happiness. 

"Oh! Oh!" said he, proceeding to compare certain things, "I've gotlight hair, and this is dark. "

"What have you done?" said the servant; "Madame will see she has beenduped. "

"But look. "

"Ah!" said she, with an air of disdain, "do you not know, you whoknows everything, that that which is plucked dies and discolours?" andthereupon roaring with laughter at the good joke, she pushed him outof doors. This became known. The poor advocate, named Feron, died ofshame, seeing that he was the only one who had not his own wife whileshe, who was from this was called La Belle Feroniere, married, afterleaving the king, a young lord, Count of Buzancois. And in her olddays she would relate the story, laughingly adding, that she had neverscented the knave's flavour. 

This teaches us not to attach ourselves more than we can help to wiveswho refuse to support our yoke. 

 THE DEVIL'S HEIR

There once was a good old canon of Notre Dame de Paris, who lived in afine house of his own, near St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs, in the Parvis. Thiscanon had come a simple priest to Paris, naked as a dagger without itssheath. But since he was found to be a handsome man, well furnishedwith everything, and so well constituted, that if necessary he wasable to do the work of many, without doing himself much harm, he gavehimself up earnestly to the confessing of ladies, giving to themelancholy a gentle absolution, to the sick a drachm of his balm, toall some little dainty. He was so well known for his discretion, hisbenevolence, and other ecclesiastical qualities, that he had customersat Court. Then in order not to awaken the jealousy of the officials, that of the husbands and others, in short, to endow with sanctitythese good and profitable practices, the Lady Desquerdes gave him abone of St. Victor, by virtue of which all the miracles wereperformed. And to the curious it was said, "He has a bone which willcure everything;" and to this, no one found anything to reply, becauseit was not seemly to suspect relics. Beneath the shade of his cassock, the good priest had the best of reputations, that of a man valiantunder arms. So he lived like a king. He made money with holy water;sprinkled it and transmitted the holy water into good wine. More thanthat, his name lay snugly in all the et ceteras of the notaries, inwills or in caudicils, which certain people have falsely written_codicil_, seeing that the word is derived from cauda, as if to say thetail of the legacy. In fact, the good old Long Skirts would have beenmade an archbishop if he had only said in joke, "I should like to puton a mitre for a handkerchief in order to have my head warmer. " Of allthe benefices offered to him, he chose only a simple canon's stall tokeep the good profits of the confessional. But one day the courageouscanon found himself weak in the back, seeing that he was allsixty-eight years old, and had held many confessionals. Then thinkingover all his good works, he thought it about time to cease hisapostolic labours, the more so, as he possessed about one hundredthousand crowns earned by the sweat of his body. From that day he onlyconfessed ladies of high lineage, and did it very well. So that it wassaid at Court that in spite of the efforts of the best young clerksthere was still no one but the Canon of St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs toproperly bleach the soul of a lady of condition. Then at length thecanon became by force of nature a fine nonagenarian, snowy about thehead, with trembling hands, but square as a tower, having spat so muchwithout coughing, that he coughed now without being able to spit; nolonger rising from his chair, he who had so often risen for humanity;but drinking dry, eating heartily, saying nothing, but having all theappearance of a living Canon of Notre Dame. Seeing the immobility ofthe aforesaid canon; seeing the stories of his evil life which forsome time had circulated among the common people, always ignorant;seeing his dumb seclusion, his flourishing health, his young old age, and other things too numerous to mention--there were certain peoplewho to do the marvellous and injure our holy religion, went aboutsaying that the true canon was long since dead, and that for more thanfifty years the devil had taken possession of the old priest's body. In fact, it seemed to his former customers that the devil could onlyby his great heat have furnished these hermetic distillations, thatthey remembered to have obtained on demand from this good confessor, who always had le diable au corps. But as this devil had beenundoubtedly cooked and ruined by them, and that for a queen of twentyyears he would not have moved, well-disposed people and those notwanting in sense, or the citizens who argued about everything, peoplewho found lice in bald heads, demanded why the devil rested under theform of a canon, went to the Church of Notre Dame at the hours whenthe canons usually go, and ventured so far as to sniff the perfume ofthe incense, taste the holy water, and a thousand other things. Tothese heretical propositions some said that doubtless the devil wishedto convert himself, and others that he remained in the shape of thecanon to mock at the three nephews and heirs of this said braveconfessor and make them wait until the day of their own death for theample succession of this uncle, to whom they paid great attentionevery day, going to look if the good man had his eyes open, and infact found him always with his eye clear, bright, and piercing as theeye of a basilisk, which pleased them greatly, since they loved theiruncle very much--in words. On this subject an old woman related thatfor certain the canon was the devil, because his two nephews, theprocureur and the captain, conducting their uncle at night, without alamp, or lantern, returning from a supper at the penitentiary's, hadcaused him by accident to tumble over a heap of stones gatheredtogether to raise the statue of St. Christopher. At first the old manhad struck fire in falling, but was, amid the cries of his dearnephews and by the light of the torches they came to seek at her housefound standing up as straight as a skittle and as gay as a weavingwhirl, exclaiming that the good wine of the penitentiary had given himthe courage to sustain this shock and that his bones were exceedinglyhard and had sustained rude assaults. The good nephews believing himdead, were much astonished, and perceived that the day that was todispatch their uncle was a long way off, seeing that at the businessstones were of no use. So that they did not falsely call him theirgood uncle, seeing that he was of good quality. Certain scandalmongerssaid that the canon found so many stones in his path that he stayed athome not to be ill with the stone, and the fear of worse was the causeof his seclusion. 

Of all these sayings and rumours, it remains that the old canon, devilor not, kept his house, and refused to die, and had three heirs withwhom he lived as with his sciaticas, lumbagos, and other appendage ofhuman life. Of the said three heirs, one was the wickedest soldierever born of a woman, and he must have considerably hurt her inbreaking his egg, since he was born with teeth and bristles. So thathe ate, two-fold, for the present and the future, keeping wencheswhose cost he paid; inheriting from his uncle the continuance, strength, and good use of that which is often of service. In greatbattles, he endeavoured always to give blows without receiving them, which is, and always will be, the only problem to solve in war, but henever spared himself there, and, in fact, as he had no other virtueexcept his bravery, he was captain of a company of lancers, and muchesteemed by the Duke of Burgoyne, who never troubled what his soldiersdid elsewhere. This nephew of the devil was named Captain Cochegrue;and his creditors, the blockheads, citizens, and others, whose pocketshe slit, called him the Mau-cinge, since he was as mischievous asstrong; but he had moreover his back spoilt by the natural infirmityof a hump, and it would have been unwise to attempt to mount thereonto get a good view, for he would incontestably have run you through. 

The second had studied the laws, and through the favour of his unclehad become a procureur, and practised at the palace, where he did thebusiness of the ladies, whom formerly the canon had the bestconfessed. This one was called Pille-grue, to banter him upon his realname, which was Cochegrue, like that of his brother the captain. Pille-grue had a lean body, seemed to throw off very cold water, waspale of face, and possessed a physiognomy like a polecat. 

This notwithstanding, he was worth many a penny more than the captain, and had for his uncle a little affection, but since about two yearshis heart had cracked a little, and drop by drop his gratitude had runout, in such a way that from time to time, when the air was damp, heliked to put his feet into his uncle's hose, and press in advance thejuice of this good inheritance. He and his brother, the soldier foundtheir share very small, since loyally, in law, in fact, in justice, innature, and in reality, it was necessary to give the third part ofeverything to a poor cousin, son of another sister of the canon, thewhich heir, but little loved by the good man, remained in the country, where he was a shepherd, near Nanterre. 

The guardian of beasts, an ordinary peasant, came to town by theadvice of his two cousins, who placed him in their uncle's house, inthe hope that, as much by his silly tricks and his clumsiness, hiswant of brain, and his ignorance, he would be displeasing to thecanon, who would kick him out of his will. Now this poor Chiquon, asthe shepherd was named, had lived about a month alone with his olduncle, and finding more profit or more amusement in minding an abbotthan looking after sheep, made himself the canon's dog, his servant, the staff of his old age, saying, "God keep you, " when he passed wind, "God save you, " when he sneezed, and "God guard you, " when he belched;going to see if it rained, where the cat was, remaining silent, listening, speaking, receiving the coughs of the old man in his face, admiring him as the finest canon there ever was in the world, allheartily and in good faith, knowing that he was licking him after themanner of animals who clean their young ones; and the uncle, who stoodin no need of learning which side the bread was buttered, repulsedpoor Chiquon, making him turn about like a die, always calling himChiquon, and always saying to his other nephews that this Chiquon washelping to kill him, such a numskull was he. Thereupon, hearing this, Chiquon determined to do well by his uncle, and puzzled hisunderstanding to appear better; but as he had a behind shaped like apair of pumpkins, was broad shouldered, large limbed, and far fromsharp, he more resembled old Silenus than a gentle Zephyr. In fact, the poor shepherd, a simple man, could not reform himself, so heremained big and fat, awaiting his inheritance to make himself thin. 

One evening the canon began discoursing concerning the devil andthe grave agonies, penances, tortures, etc. , which God will get warmfor the accursed, and the good Chiquon hearing it, began to open hiseyes as wide as the door of an oven, at the statement, withoutbelieving a word of it. 

"What, " said the canon, "are you not a Christian?"

"In that, yes, " answered Chiquon. 

"Well, there is a paradise for the good; is it not necessary to have ahell for the wicked?"

"Yes, Mr. Canon; but the devil's of no use. If you had here a wickedman who turned everything upside down; would you not kick him out ofdoors?"

"Yes, Chiquon. "

"Oh, well, mine uncle; God would be very stupid to leave in the thisworld, which he has so curiously constructed, an abominable devilwhose special business it is to spoil everything for him. Pish! Irecognise no devil if there be a good God; you may depend upon that. Ishould very much like to see the devil. Ha, ha! I am not afraid of hisclaws!"

"And if I were of your opinion I should have no care of my veryyouthful years in which I held confessions at least ten times a day. "

"Confess again, Mr. Canon. I assure you that will be a precious meriton high. "

"There, there! Do you mean it?"

"Yes, Mr. Canon. "

"Thou dost not tremble, Chiquon, to deny the devil?"

"I trouble no more about it than a sheaf of corn. "

"The doctrine will bring misfortune upon you. "

"By no means. God will defend me from the devil because I believe himmore learned and less stupid than the savans make him out. "

Thereupon the two other nephews entered, and perceiving from the voiceof the canon that he did not dislike Chiquon very much, and that thejeremiads which he had made concerning him were simple tricks todisguise the affection which he bore him, looked at each other ingreat astonishment. 

Then, seeing their uncle laughing, they said to him--

"If you will make a will, to whom will you leave the house?

"To Chiquon. "

"And the quit rent of the Rue St. Denys?"

"To Chiquon. "

"And the fief of Ville Parisis?"

"To Chiquon. "

"But, " said the captain, with his big voice, "everything then will beChiquon's. "

"No, " replied the canon, smiling, "because I shall have made my willin proper form, the inheritance will be to the sharpest of you three;I am so near to the future, that I can therein see clearly yourdestinies. "

And the wily canon cast upon Chiquon a glance full of malice, like adecoy bird would have thrown upon a little one to draw him into hernet. The fire of his flaming eye enlightened the shepherd, who fromthat moment had his understanding and his ears all unfogged, and hisbrain open, like that of a maiden the day after her marriage. Theprocureur and the captain, taking these sayings for gospel prophecies, made their bow and went out from the house, quite perplexed at theabsurd designs of the canon. 

"What do you think of Chiquon?" said Pille-grue to Mau-cinge. 

"I think, I think, " said the soldier, growling, "that I think ofhiding myself in the Rue d'Hierusalem, to put his head below his feet;he can pick it up again if he likes. "

"Oh, oh!" said the procureur, "you have a way of wounding that iseasily recognised, and people would say 'It's Cochegrue. ' As for me, Ithought to invite him to dinner, after which, we would play at puttingourselves in a sack in order to see, as they do at Court, who couldwalk best thus attired. Then having sewn him up, we could throw himinto the Seine, at the same time begging him to swim. "

"This must be well matured, " replied the soldier. 

"Oh! it's quite ripe, " said the advocate. "The cousin gone to thedevil, the heritage would then be between us two. "

"I'm quite agreeable, " said the fighter, "but we must stick as closetogether as the two legs of the same body, for if you are fine assilk, I as strong as steel, and daggers are always as good as traps--you hear that, my good brother. "

"Yes, " said the advocate, "the cause is heard--now shall it be thethread or the iron?"

"Eh? ventre de Dieu! is it then a king that we are going to settle?For a simple numskull of a shepherd are so many words necessary? Come!20, 000 francs out of the Heritage to the one of us who shall first cuthim off: I'll say to him in good faith, 'Pick up your head. '"

"And I, 'Swim my friend, '" cried the advocate, laughing like the gapof a pourpoint. 

And then they went to supper, the captain to his wench, and theadvocate to the house of a jeweller's wife, of whom he was the lover. 

Who was astonished? Chiquon! The poor shepherd heard the planning ofhis death, although the two cousins had walked in the parvis, andtalked to each other as every one speaks at church when praying toGod. So that Chiquon was much coupled to know if the words had come upor if his ears had gone down. 

"Do you hear, Mister Canon?"

"Yes, " said he, "I hear the wood crackling in the fire. "

"Ho, ho!" replied Chiquon, "if I don't believe in the devil, I believein St. Michael, my guardian angel; I go there where he calls me. "

"Go, my child, " said the canon, "and take care not to wet yourself, nor to get your head knocked off, for I think I hear more rain, andthe beggars in the street are not always the most dangerous beggars. "

At these words Chiquon was much astonished, and stared at the canon;found his manner gay, his eye sharp, and his feet crooked; but as hehad to arrange matters concerning the death which menaced him, hethought to himself that he would always have leisure to admire thecanon, or to cut his nails, and he trotted off quickly through thetown, as a little woman trots towards her pleasure. 

His two cousins having no presumption of the divinatory science, ofwhich shepherds have had many passing attacks, had often talked beforehim of their secret goings on, counting him as nothing. 

Now one evening, to amuse the canon, Pille-grue had recounted to himhow had fallen in love with him a wife of a jeweller on whose head hehad adjusted certain carved, burnished, sculptured, historical horns, fit for the brow of a prince. The good lady was to hear him, a rightmerry wench, quick at opportunities, giving an embrace while herhusband was mounting the stairs, devouring the commodity as if she wasswallowing a a strawberry, only thinking of love-making, alwaystrifling and frisky, gay as an honest woman who lacks nothing, contenting her husband, who cherished her so much as he loved his owngullet; subtle as a perfume, so much so, that for five years shemanaged so well with his household affairs, and her own love affairs, that she had the reputation of a prudent woman, the confidence of herhusband, the keys of the house, the purse, and all. 

"And when do you play upon this gentle flute?" said the canon. 

"Every evening and sometimes I stay all the night. "

"But how?" said the canon, astonished. 

"This is how. There is a room close to, a chest into which I get. Whenthe good husband returns from his friend the draper's, where he goesto supper every evening, because often he helps the draper's wife inher work, my mistress pleads a slight illness, lets him go to bedalone, and comes to doctor her malady in the room where the chest is. On the morrow, when my jeweller is at his forge, I depart, and as thehouse has one exit on to the bridge, and another into the street, Ialways come to the door when the husband is not, on the pretext ofspeaking to him of his suits, which commence joyfully and heartily, and I never let them come to an end. It is an income from cuckoldom, seeing that in the minor expenses and loyal costs of the proceedings, he spends as much as on the horses in his stable. He loves me well, asall good cuckolds should love the man who aids them, to plant, cultivate, water and dig the natural garden of Venus, and he doesnothing without me. "

Now these practices came back again to the memory of the shepherd, whowas illuminated by the light issuing from his danger, and counselledby the intelligence of those measures of self-preservation, of whichevery animal possesses a sufficient dose to go to the end of his ballof life. So Chiquon gained with hasty feet the Rue de la Calandre, where the jeweller should be supping with his companion, and afterhaving knocked at the door, replied to question put to him through thelittle grill, that he was a messenger on state secrets, and wasadmitted to the draper's house. Now coming straight to the fact, hemade the happy jeweller get up from his table, led him to a corner, and said to him: "If one of your neighbours had planted a horn on yourforehead and he was delivered to you, bound hand and foot, would youthrow him into the river?"

"Rather, " said the jeweller, "but if you are mocking me I'll give youa good drubbing. "

"There, there!" replied Chiquon, "I am one of your friends and come towarn you that as many times as you have conversed with the draper'swife here, as often has your own wife been served the same way by theadvocate Pille-grue, and if you will come back to your forge, you willfind a good fire there. On your arrival, he who looks after youryou-know-what, to keep it in good order, gets into the big clotheschest. Now make a pretence that I have bought the said chest of you, and I will be upon the bridge with a cart, waiting your orders. "

The said jeweller took his cloak and his hat, and parted company withhis crony without saying a word, and ran to his hole like a poisonedrat. He arrives and knocks, the door is opened, he runs hastily up thestairs, finds two covers laid, sees his wife coming out of the chamberof love, and then says to her, "My dear, here are two covers laid. "

"Well, my darling are we not two?"

"No, " said he, "we are three. "

"Is your friend coming?" said she, looking towards the stairs withperfect innocence. 

"No, I speak of the friend who is in the chest. "

"What chest?" said she. "Are you in your sound senses? Where do yousee a chest? Is the usual to put friends in chests? Am I a woman tokeep chests full of friends? How long have friends been kept inchests? Are you come home mad to mix up your friends with your chests?I know no other friend then Master Cornille the draper, and no otherchest than the one with our clothes in. "

"Oh!" said the jeweller, "my good woman, there is a bad young man, who has come to warn me that you allow yourself to be embraced by ouradvocate, and that he is in the chest. "

"I!" said she, "I would not put up with his knavery, he doeseverything the wrong way. "

"There, there, my dear, " replied the jeweller, "I know you to be agood woman, and won't have a squabble with you about this paltrychest. The giver of the warning is a box-maker, to whom I am about tosell this cursed chest that I wish never again to see in my house, andfor this one he will sell me two pretty little ones, in which therewill not be space enough even for a child; thus the scandal and thebabble of those envious of your virtue will be extinguished for wantof nourishment. "

"You give me great pleasure, " said she; "I don't attach any value tomy chest, and by chance there is nothing in it. Our linen is at thewash. It will be easy to have the mischievous chest taken awaytomorrow morning. Will you sup?"

"Not at all, " said he, "I shall sup with a better appetite without thechest. "

"I see, " said she, "that you won't easily get the chest out of yourhead. "

"Halloa, there!" said the jeweller to his smiths and apprentices;"come down!"

In the twinkling of an eye his people were before him. Then he, theirmaster, having briefly ordered the handling of the said chest, thispiece of furniture dedicated to love was tumbled across the room, butin passing the advocate, finding his feet in the air to the which hewas not accustomed, tumbled over a little. 

"Go on, " said the wife, "go on, it's the lid shaking. "

"No, my dear, it's the bolt. "

And without any other opposition the chest slid gently down thestairs. 

"Ho there, carrier!" said the jeweller, and Chiquon came whistling hismules, and the good apprentices lifted the litigious chest into thecart. 

"Hi, hi!" said the advocate. 

"Master, the chest is speaking, " said an apprentice. 

"In what language?" said the jeweller, giving him a good kick betweentwo features that luckily were not made of glass. The apprenticetumbled over on to a stair in a way that induced him to discontinuehis studies in the language of chests. The shepherd, accompanied bythe good jeweller, carried all the baggage to the water-side withoutlistening to the high eloquence of the speaking wood, and having tiedseveral stones to it, the jeweller threw it into the Seine. 

"Swim, my friend, " cried the shepherd, in a voice sufficiently jeeringat the moment when the chest turned over, giving a pretty littleplunge like a duck. 

Then Chiquon continued to proceed along the quay, as far as theRue-du-port, St. Laudry, near the cloisters of Notre Dame. There henoticed a house, recognised the door, and knocked loudly. 

"Open, " said he, "open by order of the king. "

Hearing this an old man who was no other than the famous Lombard, Versoris, ran to the door. 

"What is it?" said he. 

"I am sent by the provost to warn you to keep good watch tonight, "replied Chiquon, "as for his own part he will keep his archers ready. The hunchback who has robbed you has come back again. Keep under arms, for he is quite capable of easing you of the rest. "

Having said this, the good shepherd took to his heels and ran to theRue des Marmouzets, to the house where Captain Cochegrue was feastingwith La Pasquerette, the prettiest of town-girls, and the mostcharming in perversity that ever was; according to all the gay ladies, her glance was sharp and piercing as the stab of a dagger. Herappearance was so tickling to the sight, that it would have put allParadise to rout. Besides which she was as bold as a woman who has noother virtue than her insolence. Poor Chiquon was greatly embarrassedwhile going to the quarter of the Marmouzets. He was greatly afraidthat he would be unable to find the house of La Pasquerette, or findthe two pigeons gone to roost, but a good angel arranged therespeedily to his satisfaction. This is how. On entering the Rue desMarmouzets he saw several lights at the windows and night-capped headsthrust out, and good wenches, gay girls, housewives, husbands, andyoung ladies, all of them are just out of bed, looking at each otheras if a robber were being led to execution by torchlight. 

"What's the matter?" said the shepherd to a citizen who in great hastehad rushed to the door with a chamber utensil in his hand. 

"Oh! it's nothing, " replied the good man. "We thought it was theArmagnacs descending upon the town, but it's only Mau-cinge beating LaPasquerette. "

"Where?" asked the shepherd. 

"Below there, at that fine house where the pillars have the mouths offlying frogs delicately carved upon them. Do you hear the varlets andthe serving maids?"

And in fact there was nothing but cries of "Murder! Help! Come someone!" and in the house blows raining down and the Mau-cinge said withhis gruff voice:

"Death to the wench! Ah, you sing out now, do you? Ah, you want yourmoney now, do you? Take that--"

And La Pasquerette was groaning, "Oh! oh! I die! Help! Help! Oh! oh!"Then came the blow of a sword and the heavy fall of a light body ofthe fair girl sounded, and was followed by a great silence, afterwhich the lights were put out, servants, waiting women, roysterers, and others went in again, and the shepherd who had come opportunelymounted the stairs in company with them, but on beholding in the roomabove broken glasses, slit carpets, and the cloth on the floor withthe dishes, everyone remained at a distance. 

The shepherd, bold as a man with but one end in view, opened the doorof the handsome chamber where slept La Pasquerette, and found herquite exhausted, her hair dishevelled, and her neck twisted, lyingupon a bloody carpet, and Mau-cinge frightened, with his toneconsiderably lower, and not knowing upon what note to sing theremainder of his anthem. 

"Come, my little Pasquerette, don't pretend to be dead. Come, let meput you tidy. Ah! little minx, dead or alive, you look so pretty inyour blood I'm going to kiss you. " Having said which the cunningsoldier took her and threw her upon the bed, but she fell there all ofa heap, and stiff as the body of a man that had been hanged. Seeingwhich her companion found it was time for his hump to retire from thegame; however, the artful fellow before slinking away said, "PoorPasquerette, how could I murder so good of girl, and one I loved somuch? But, yes, I have killed her, the thing is clear, for in her lifenever did her sweet breast hang down like that. Good God, one wouldsay it was a crown at the bottom of a wallet. Thereupon Pasqueretteopened her eyes and then bent her head slightly to look at her flesh, which was white and firm, and she brought herself to life by a box onthe ears, administered to the captain. 

"That will teach you to beware of the dead, " said she, smiling. 

"And why did he kill you, my cousin?" asked the shepherd. 

"Why? Tomorrow the bailiffs seize everything that's here, and he whohas no more money than virtue, reproached me because I wished to beagreeable to a handsome gentlemen, who would save me from the hands ofjustice. 

"Pasquerette, I'll break every bone in your skin. "

"There, there!" said Chiquon, whom the Mau-cinge had just recognised, "is that all? Oh, well, my good friend, I bring you a large sum. "

"Where from?" asked the captain, astonished. 

"Come here, and let me whisper in your ear--if 30, 000 crowns werewalking about at night under the shadow of a pear-tree, would you notstoop down to pluck them, to prevent them spoiling?"

"Chiquon, I'll kill you like a dog if you are making game of me, or Iwill kiss you there where you like it, if you will put me opposite30, 000 crowns, even when it shall be necessary to kill three citizensat the corner of the Quay. "

"You will not even kill one. This is how the matter stands. I have fora sweetheart in all loyalty, the servant of the Lombard who is in thecity near the house of our good uncle. Now I have just learned onsound information that this dear man has departed this morning intothe country after having hidden under a pear-tree in his garden a goodbushel of gold, believing himself to be seen only by the angels. Butthe girl who had by chance a bad toothache, and was taking the air ather garret window, spied the old crookshanks, without wishing to doso, and chattered of it to me in fondness. If you will swear to giveme a good share I will lend you my shoulders in order that you mayclimb on to the top of the wall and from there throw yourself into thepear-tree, which is against the wall. There, now do you say that I ama blockhead, an animal?"

"No, you are a right loyal cousin, an honest man, and if you have everto put an enemy out off the way, I am there, ready to kill even one ofmy own friends for you. I am no longer your cousin, but your brother. Ho there! sweetheart, " cried Mau-cinge to La Pasquerette, "put thetables straight, wipe up your blood, it belongs to me, and I'll payyou for it by giving you a hundred times as much of mine as I havetaken of thine. Make the best of it, shake the black dog, off yourback, adjust your petticoats, laugh, I wish it, look to the stew, andlet us recommence our evening prayer where we left it off. TomorrowI'll make thee braver than a queen. This is my cousin whom I wish toentertain, even when to do so it were necessary to turn the house outof windows. We shall get back everything tomorrow in the cellars. Come, fall to!"

Thus, and in less time than it takes a priest to say his Dominusvobiscum, the whole rookery passed from tears to laughter as it hadpreviously from laughter to tears. It is only in these houses ofill-fame that love is made with the blow of a dagger, and wheretempests of joy rage between four walls. But these are things ladiesof the high-neck dress do not understand. 

The said captain Cochegrue was gay as a hundred schoolboys at thebreaking up of class, and made his good cousin drink deeply, whospilled everything country fashion, and pretended to be drunk, spluttering out a hundred stupidities, as, that "tomorrow he would buyParis, would lend a hundred thousand crowns to the king, that he wouldbe able to roll in gold;" in fact, talked so much nonsense that thecaptain, fearing some compromising avowal and thinking his brain quitemuddled enough, led him outside with the good intention, instead ofsharing with him, of ripping Chiquon open to see if he had not asponge in his stomach, because he had just soaked in a big quart ofthe good wine of Suresne. They went along, disputing about a thousandtheological subjects which got very much mixed up, and finished byrolling quietly up against the garden where were the crowns of theLombard. Then Cochegrue, making a ladder of Chiquon's broad shoulders, jumped on to the pear-tree like a man expert in attacks upon towns, but Versoris, who was watching him, made a blow at his neck, andrepeated it so vigorously that with three blows fell the upper portionof the said Cochegrue, but not until he had heard the clear voice ofthe shepherd, who cried to him, "Pick up your head, my friend. "Thereupon the generous Chiquon, in whom virtue received itsrecompense, thought it would be wise to return to the house of thegood canon, whose heritage was by the grace of God considerablysimplified. Thus he gained the Rue St. Pierre-Aux-Boeufs with allspeed, and soon slept like a new-born baby, no longer knowing themeaning of the word "cousin-german. " Now, on the morrow he roseaccording to the habit of shepherds, with the sun, and came into hisuncle's room to inquire if he spat white, if he coughed, if he hadslept well; but the old servant told him that the canon, hearing thebells of St Maurice, the first patron of Notre Dame, ring for matins, he had gone out of reverence to the cathedral, where all the Chapterwere to breakfast with the Bishop of Paris; upon which Chiquonreplied: "Is his reverence the canon out of his senses thus to disporthimself, to catch a cold, to get rheumatism? Does he wish to die? I'lllight a big fire to warm him when he returns;" and the good shepherdran into the room where the canon generally sat, and to his greatastonishment beheld him seated in his chair. 

"Ah, ah! What did she mean, that fool of a Bruyette? I knew you weretoo well advised to be shivering at this hour in your stall. "

The canon said not a word. The shepherd who was like all thinkers, aman of hidden sense, was quite aware that sometimes old men havestrange crotchets, converse with the essence of occult things, andmumble to themselves discourses concerning matters not underconsideration; so that, from reverence and great respect for thesecret meditations of the canon, he went and sat down at a distance, and waited the termination of these dreams; noticing, silently thelength of the good man's nails, which looked like cobbler's awls, andlooking attentively at the feet of his uncle, he was astonished to seethe flesh of his legs so crimson, that it reddened his breeches andseemed all on fire through his hose. 

He is dead, thought Chiquon. At this moment the door of the roomopened, and he still saw the canon, who, his nose frozen, came backfrom church. 

"Ho, ho!" said Chiquon, "my dear Uncle, are you out of your senses?Kindly take notice that you ought not to be at the door, because youare already seated in your chair in the chimney corner, and that it isimpossible for there to be two canons like you in the world. "

"Ah! Chiquon, there was a time when I could have wished to be in twoplaces at once, but such is not the fate of a man, he would be toohappy. Are you getting dim-sighted? I am alone here. "

Then Chiquon turned his head towards the chair, and found it empty;and much astonished, as you will easily believe, he approached it, andfound on the seat a little pat of cinders, from which ascended astrong odour of sulphur. 

"Ah!" said he merrily, "I perceive that the devil has behaved welltowards me--I will pray God for him. "

And thereupon he related naively to the canon how the devil had amusedhimself by playing at providence, and had loyally aided him to get ridof his wicked cousins, the which the canon admired much, and thoughtvery good, seeing that he had plenty of good sense left, and often hadobserved things which were to the devil's advantage. So the good oldpriest remarked that 'as much good was always met with in evil as evilin good, and that therefore one should not trouble too much after theother world, the which was a grave heresy, which many councils haveput right'. 

And this was how the Chiquons became rich, and were able in thesetimes, by the fortunes of their ancestors, to help to build the bridgeof St. Michael, where the devil cuts a very good figure under theangel, in memory of this adventure now consigned to these veracioushistories. 

 THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTH

King Louis The Eleventh was a merry fellow, loving a good joke, and--the interests of his position as king, and those of the church onone side--he lived jovially, giving chase to soiled doves as often asto hares, and other royal game. Therefore, the sorry scribblers whohave made him out a hypocrite, showed plainly that they knew him not, since he was a good friend, good at repartee, and a jollier fellowthan any of them. 

It was he who said when he was in a merry mood, that four things areexcellent and opportune in life--to keep warm, to drink cool, to standup hard, and to swallow soft. Certain persons have accused him oftaking up with a dirty trollops; this is a notorious falsehood, sinceall his mistresses, of whom one was legitimised, came of good housesand had notable establishments. He did not go in for waste andextravagance, always put his hand upon the solid, and because certaindevourers of the people found no crumbs at his table, they have allmaligned him. But the real collector of facts know that the said kingwas a capital fellow in private life, and even very agreeable; andbefore cutting off the heads of his friends, or punishing them--for hedid not spare them--it was necessary that they should have greatlyoffended him, and his vengeance was always justice; I have only seenin our friend Verville that this worthy sovereign ever made a mistake;but one does not make a habit, and even for this his boon companionTristan was more to blame than he, the king. This is the circumstancerelated by the said Verville, and I suspect he was cracking a joke. Ireproduce it because certain people are not familiar with theexquisite work of my perfect compatriot. I abridge it and only givethe substance, the details being more ample, of which facts the savansare not ignorant. 

Louis XI. Had given the Abbey of Turpenay (mentioned in 'Imperia') toa gentleman who, enjoying the revenue, had called himself Monsieur deTurpenay. It happened that the king being at Plessis-les-Tours, thereal abbot, who was a monk, came and presented himself before theking, and presented also a petition, remonstrating with him that, canonically and a monastically, he was entitled to the abbey and thatthe usurping gentleman wronged of his right, and therefore he calledupon his majesty to have justice done to him. Nodding his peruke, theking promised to render him contented. This monk, importunate as areall hooded animals, came often at the end of the king's meals, who, bored with the holy water of the convent, called friend Tristan andsaid to him: "Old fellow, there is here a Turpenay who angers me, ridthe world of him for me. " Tristan, taking a frock for a monk, or amonk for a frock, came to this gentleman, whom all the court calledMonsieur de Turpenay, and having accosted him managed to lead him toone side, and taking him by the button-hole gave him to understandthat the king desired he should die. He tried to resist, supplicatingand supplicating to escape, but in no way could he obtain a hearing. He was delicately strangled between the head and shoulders, so that heexpired; and, three hours afterwards, Tristan told the king that hewas discharged. It happened five days afterwards, which is the spacein which souls come back again, that the monk came into the room wherethe king was, and when he saw him he was much astonished. Tristan waspresent: the king called him, and whispered into his ear--

"You have not done that which I told you to. "

"Saving your Grace I have done it. Turpenay is dead. "

"Eh? I meant this monk. "

"I understood the gentleman!"

"What, is it done then?"

"Yes, sire, "

"Very well then"--turning towards the monk--"come here, monk. " Themonk approached. The king said to him, "Kneel down!" The poor monkbegan to shiver in his shoes. But the king said to him, "Thank Godthat he has not willed that you should be killed as I had ordered. Hewho took your estates has been instead. God has done you justice. Goand pray God for me, and don't stir out of your convent. "

The proves the good-heartedness of Louis XI. He might very well havehanged the monk, the cause of the error. As for the said gentleman, hedied in the king's service. 

In the early days of his sojourn at Plessis-les-Tours king Louis, notwishing to hold his drinking-bouts and give vent to his rakishpropensities in his chateau, out of respect to her Majesty (a kinglydelicacy which his successors have not possessed) became enamoured ofa lady named Nicole Beaupertuys, who was, to tell the truth, wife of acitizen of the town. The husband he sent into Ponent, and put the saidNicole in a house near Chardonneret, in that part which is the RueQuincangrogne, because it was a lonely place, far from otherhabitations. The husband and the wife were thus both in his service, and he had by La Beaupertuys a daughter, who died a nun. This Nicolehad a tongue as sharp as a popinjay's, was of stately proportions, furnished with large beautiful cushions of nature, firm to the touch, white as the wings of an angel, and known for the rest to be fertilein peripatetic ways, which brought it to pass that never with her wasthe same thing encountered twice in love, so deeply had she studiedthe sweet solutions of the science, the manners of accommodating theolives of Poissy, the expansions of the nerves, and hidden doctrinesof the breviary, the which much delighted the king. She was as gay asa lark, always laughing and singing, and never made anyone miserable, which is the characteristic of women of this open and free nature, whohave always an occupation--an equivocal one if you like. The kingoften went with the hail-fellows his friends to the lady's house, andin order not to be seen always went at night-time, and without hissuite. But being always distrustful, and fearing some snare, he gaveto Nicole all the most savage dogs he had in his kennels, beggars thatwould eat a man without saying "By your leave, " the which royal dogsknew only Nicole and the king. When the Sire came Nicole let themloose in the garden, and the door of the house being sufficientlybarred and closely shut, the king put the keys in his pocket, and inperfect security gave himself up, with his satellites, to every kindof pleasure, fearing no betrayal, jumping about at will, playingtricks, and getting up good games. Upon these occasions friend Tristanwatched the neighbourhood, and anyone who had taken a walk on the Mallof Chardonneret would be rather quickly placed in a position in whichit would have been easy to give the passers-by a benediction with hisfeet, unless he had the king's pass, since often would Louis send outin search of lasses for his friends, or people to entertain him withthe amusements suggested by Nicole or the guests. People of Tours werethere for these little amusements, to whom he gently recommendedsilence, so that no one knew of these pastimes until after his death. The farce of "_Baisez mon cul_" was, it is said, invented by the saidSire. I will relate it, although it is not the subject of this tale, because it shows the natural comicality and humour of this merrymonarch. They were at Tours three well known misers: the first wasMaster Cornelius, who is sufficiently well known; the second wascalled Peccard, and sold the gilt-work, coloured papers, and jewelsused in churches; the third was hight Marchandeau, and was a verywealthy vine-grower. These two men of Touraine were the founders ofgood families, notwithstanding their sordidness. One evening that theking was with Beaupertuys, in a good humour, having drunk heartily, joked heartily, and offered early in the evening his prayer inMadame's oratory, he said to Le Daim his crony, to the Cardinal, LaBalue, and to old Dunois, who were still soaking, "Let us have a goodlaugh! I think it will be a good joke to see misers before a bag ofgold without being able to touch it. Hi, there!"

Hearing which, appeared one of his varlets. 

"Go, " said he, "seek my treasurer, and let him bring hither sixthousand gold crowns--and at once! And you will go and seize thebodies of my friend Cornelius, of the jeweller of the Rue de Cygnes, and of old Marchandeau, and bring them here, by order of the king. "

Then he began to drink again, and to judiciously wrangle as to whichwas the better, a woman with a gamy odour or a woman who soapedherself well all over; a thin one or a stout one; and as the companycomprised the flower of wisdom it was decided that the best was theone a man had all to himself like a plate of warm mussels, at thatprecise moment when God sent him a good idea to communicate to her. The cardinal asked which was the most precious thing to a lady; thefirst or the last kiss? To which La Beaupertuys replied: "that it wasthe last, seeing that she knew then what she was losing, while at thefirst she did not know what she would gain. " During these sayings, andothers which have most unfortunately been lost, came the six thousandgold crowns, which were worth all three hundred thousand francs ofto-day, so much do we go on decreasing in value every day. The kingordered the crowns to be arranged upon a table, and well lighted up, so that they shone like the eyes of the company which lit upinvoluntarily, and made them laugh in spite of themselves. They didnot wait long for the three misers, whom the varlet led in, pale andpanting, except Cornelius, who knew the king's strange freaks. 

"Now then, my friends, " said Louis to them, "have a good look at thecrowns on the table. "

And the three townsmen nibbled at them with their eyes. You may reckonthat the diamond of La Beaupertuys sparkled less than their littleminnow eyes. 

"These are yours, " added the king. 

Thereupon they ceased to admire the crowns to look at each other; andthe guests knew well that old knaves are more expert in grimaces thanany others, because of their physiognomies becoming tolerably curious, like those of cats lapping up milk, or girls titillated with marriage. 

"There, " said the king, "all that shall be his who shall say threetimes to the two others, '_Baisez mon cul_', thrusting his hand into thegold; but if he be not as serious as a fly who had violated hislady-love, if he smile while repeating the jest, he will pay ten crownsto Madame. Nevertheless he can essay three times. "

"That will soon be earned, " said Cornelius, who, being a Dutchman, hadhis lips as often compressed and serious as Madame's mouth was oftenopen and laughing. Then he bravely put his hands on the crowns to seeif they were good, and clutched them bravely, but as he looked at theothers to say civilly to them, "_Baisez mon cul_, " the two misers, distrustful of his Dutch gravity, replied, "Certainly, sir, " as if hehad sneezed. The which caused all the company to laugh, and evenCornelius himself. When the vine-grower went to take the crowns hefelt such a commotion in his cheeks that his old scummer face letlittle laughs exude from its pores like smoke pouring out of achimney, and he could say nothing. Then it was the turn of thejeweller, who was a little bit of a bantering fellow, and whose lipswere as tightly squeezed as the neck of a hanged man. He seized ahandful of the crowns, looked at the others, even the king, and said, with a jeering air, "_Baisez mon cul_. "

"Is it dirty?" asked the vine-dresser. 

"Look and see, " replied the jeweller, gravely. 

Thereupon the king began to tremble for these crowns, since the saidPeccard began again, without laughing, and for the third time wasabout to utter the sacramental word, when La Beaupertuys made a signof consent to his modest request, which caused him to lose hiscountenance, and his mouth broke up into dimples. 

"How did you do it?" asked Dunois, "to keep a grave face before sixthousand crowns?"

"Oh, my lord, I thought first of one of my cases which is triedtomorrow, and secondly, of my wife who is a sorry plague. "

The desire to gain this good round sum made them try again, and theking amused himself for about an hour at the expression of thesefaces, the preparations, jokes, grimaces, and other monkey'spaternosters that they performed; but they were bailing their boatswith a sieve, and for men who preferred closing their fists to openingthem it was a bitter sorrow to have to count out, each one, a hundredcrown to Madame. 

When they were gone, and Nicole said boldly to the king, "Sire willyou let me try?"

"Holy Virgin!" replied Louis; "no! I can kiss you for less money. "

That was said like a thrifty man, which indeed he always was. 

One evening the fat Cardinal La Balue carried on gallantly with wordsand actions, a little farther than the canons of the Church permittedhim, with this Beaupertuys, who luckily for herself, was a cleverhussy, not to be asked with impunity how many holes there were in hermother's chemise. 

"Look you here, Sir Cardinal!" said she; "the thing which the kinglikes is not to receive the holy oils. "

Then came Oliver le Daim, whom she would not listen to either, and towhose nonsense she replied, that she would ask the king if he wishedher to be shaved. 

Now as the said shaver did not supplicate her to keep his proposalssecret, she suspected that these little plots were ruses practised bythe king, whose suspicions had perhaps been aroused by her friends. Now, for being able to revenge herself upon Louis, she at leastdetermined to pay out the said lords, to make fools of them, and amusethe king with the tricks she would play upon them. One evening thatthey had come to supper, she had a lady of the city with her, whowished to speak with the king. This lady was a lady of position, whowished asked the king pardon for her husband, the which, inconsequence of this adventure, she obtained. Nicole Beaupertuys havingled the king aside for a moment into an antechamber, told him to maketheir guests drink hard and eat to repletion; that he was to makemerry and joke with them; but when the cloth was removed, he was topick quarrels with them about trifles, dispute their words, and besharp with them; and that she would then divert him by turning theminside out before him. But above all things, he was to be friendly tothe said lady, and it was to appear as genuine, as if she enjoyed theperfume of his favour, because she had gallantly lent herself to thisgood joke. 

"Well, gentlemen, " said the king, re-entering the room, "let us fallto; we have had a good day's sport. "

And the surgeon, the cardinal, a fat bishop, the captain of the ScotchGuard, a parliamentary envoy, and a judge loved of the king, followedthe two ladies into the room where one rubs the rust off one's jawbones. And there they lined the mold of their doublets. What is that?It is to pave the stomach, to practice the chemistry of nature, toregister the various dishes, to regale your tripes, to dig your gravewith your teeth, play with the sword of Cain, to inter sauces, tosupport a cuckold. But more philosophically it is to make ordure withone's teeth. Now, do you understand? How many words does it require toburst open the lid of your understanding?

The king did not fail to distill into his guests this splendid andfirst-class supper. He stuffed them with green peas, returning to thehotch-potch, praising the plums, commending the fish, saying to one, "Why do you not eat?" to another, "Drink to Madame"; to all of them, "Gentlemen, taste these lobsters; put this bottle to death! You do notknow the flavour of this forcemeat. And these lampreys--ah! what doyou say to them? And by the Lord! The finest barbel ever drawn fromthe Loire! Just stick your teeth into this pastry. This game is my ownhunting; he who takes it not offends me. " And again, "Drink, theking's eyes are the other way. Just give your opinion of thesepreserves, they are Madame's own. Have some of these grapes, they aremy own growing. Have some medlars. " And while inducing them to swellout their abdominal protuberances, the good monarch laughed with them, and they joked and disputed, and spat, and blew their noses, andkicked up just as though the king had not been with them. Then so muchvictuals had been taken on board, so many flagons drained and stewsspoiled, that the faces of the guests were the colour of cardinalsgowns, and their doublets appeared ready to burst, since they werecrammed with meat like Troyes sausages from the top to the bottom oftheir paunches. Going into the saloon again, they broke into a profusesweat, began to blow, and to curse their gluttony. The king satquietly apart; each of them was the more willing to be silent becauseall their forces were required for the intestinal digestion of thehuge platefuls confined in their stomachs, which began to wabble andrumble violently. One said to himself, "I was stupid to eat of thatsauce. " Another scolded himself for having indulged in a plate of eelscooked with capers. Another thought to himself, "Oh! oh! The forcemeatis serving me out. " The cardinal, who was the biggest bellied man ofthe lot, snorted through his nostrils like a frightened horse. It washe who was first compelled to give vent to a loud sounding belch, andthen he soon wished himself in Germany, where this is a form ofsalutation, for the king hearing this gastric language looked at thecardinal with knitted brows. 

"What does this mean?" said he, "am I a simple clerk?"

This was heard with terror, because usually the king made much of agood belch well off the stomach. The other guests determined to getrid in another way of the vapours which were dodging about in theirpancreatic retorts; and at first they endeavoured to hold them for alittle while in the pleats of their mesenteries. It was then that someof them puffed and swelled like tax-gatherers. Beaupertuys took thegood king aside and said to him--

"Know now that I have had made by the Church jeweller Peccard, twolarge dolls, exactly resembling this lady and myself. Now whenhard-pressed by the drugs which I have put in their goblets, theydesire to mount the throne to which we are now about to pretend to go, they will always find the place taken; by this means you will enjoytheir writhings. "

Thus having said, La Beaupertuys disappeared with the lady to go andturn the wheel, after the custom of women, and of which I will tellyou the origin in another place. And after an honest lapse of water, Beaupertuys came back alone, leaving it to be believed that she hadleft the lady at the little laboratory of natural alchemy. Thereuponthe king, singling out the cardinal, made him get up, and talked withhim seriously of his affairs, holding him by the tassel of his amice. To all that the king said, La Balue replied, "Yes, sir, " to bedelivered from this favour, and slip out of the room, since the waterwas in his cellars, and he was about to lose the key of his back-door. All the guests were in a state of not knowing how to arrest theprogress of the fecal matter to which nature has given, even more thanto water, the property of finding a certain level. Their substancesmodified themselves and glided working downward, like those insectswho demand to be let out of their cocoons, raging, tormenting, andungrateful to the higher powers; for nothing is so ignorant, soinsolent as those cursed objects, and they are importunate like allthings detained to whom one owes liberty. So they slipped at everyturn like eels out of a net, and each one had need of great effortsand science not to disgrace himself before the king. Louis took greatpleasure in interrogating his guests, and was much amused with thevicissitudes of their physiognomies, on which were reflected the dirtygrimaces of their writhings. The counsellor of justice said to Oliver, "I would give my office to be behind a hedge for half a dozenseconds. "

"Oh, there is no enjoyment to equal a good stool; and now I am nolonger astonished at sempiternal droppings of a fly, " replied thesurgeon. 

The cardinal believing that the lady had obtained her receipt from thebank of deposit, left the tassels of his girdle in the king's hand, making a start as if he had forgotten to say his prayers, and made hisway towards the door. 

"What is the matter with you, Monsieur le Cardinal?" said the king. 

"By my halidame, what is the matter with me? It appears that all youraffairs are very extensive, sire!"

The cardinal had slipped out, leaving the others astonished at hiscunning. He proceeded gloriously towards the lower room, loosening alittle the strings of his purse; but when he opened the blessed littledoor he found the lady at her functions upon the throne, like a popeabout to be consecrated. Then restraining his impatience, he descendedthe stairs to go into the garden. However, on the last steps thebarking of the dogs put him in great fear of being bitten in one ofhis precious hemispheres; and not knowing where to deliver himself ofhis chemical produce he came back into the room, shivering like a manwho has been in the open air! The others seeing the cardinal return, imagined that he had emptied his natural reservoirs, unburdened hisecclesiastical bowels, and believed him happy. Then the surgeon rosequickly, as if to take note of the tapestries and count the rafters, but gained the door before anyone else, and relaxing his sphincter inadvance, he hummed a tune on his way to the retreat; arrived there hewas compelled, like La Balue, to murmur words of excuse to thisstudent of perpetual motion, shutting the door with as promptitude ashe opened it; and he came back burdened with an accumulation whichseriously impeded his private channels. And in the same way went toguests one after the other, without being able to unburden themselvesof their sauces, as soon again found themselves all in the presence ofLouis the Eleventh, as much distressed as before, looking at eachother slyly, understanding each other better with their tails thanthey ever understood with their mouths, for there is never anyequivoque in the transactions of the parts of nature, and everythingtherein is rational and of easy comprehension, seeing that it is ascience which we learn at our birth. 

"I believe, " said the cardinal to the surgeon, "that lady will go onuntil to-morrow. What was La Beaupertuys about to ask such a case ofdiarrhoea here?"

"She's been an hour working at what I could get done in a minute. Maythe fever seize her" cried Oliver le Daim. 

All the courtiers seized with colic were walking up and down to maketheir importunate matters patient, when the said lady reappeared inthe room. You can believe they found her beautiful and graceful, andwould willingly have kissed her, there where they so longed to go; andnever did they salute the day with more favour than this lady, theliberator of the poor unfortunate bodies. La Balue rose; the others, from honour, esteem, and reverence of the church, gave way to theclergy, and, biding their time, they continued to make grimaces, atwhich the king laughed to himself with Nicole, who aided him to stopthe respiration of these loose-bowelled gentlemen. The good Scotchcaptain, who more than all the others had eaten of a dish in which thecook had put an aperient powder, became the victim of misplacedconfidence. He went ashamed into a corner, hoping that before theking, his mishap might escape detection. At this moment the cardinalreturned horribly upset, because he had found La Beaupertuys on theepiscopal seat. Now, in his torments, not knowing if she were in theroom, he came back and gave vent to a diabolical "Oh!" on beholdingher near his master. 

"What do you mean?" exclaimed the king, looking at the priest in a wayto give him the fever. 

"Sire, " said La Balue, insolently, "the affairs of purgatory are in myministry, and I am bound to inform you that there is sorcery going onin this house. "

"Ah! little priest, you wish to make game of me!" said the king. 

At these words the company were in a terrible state. 

"So you treat me with disrespect?" said the king, which made them turnpale. "Ho, there! Tristan, my friend!" cried Louis XI. From thewindow, which he threw up suddenly, "come up here!"

The grand provost of the hotel was not long before he appeared; and asthese gentlemen were all nobodies, raised to their present position bythe favour of the king, Louis, in a moment of anger, could crush themat will; so that with the exception of the cardinal who relied uponhis cassock, Tristan found them all rigid and aghast. 

"Conduct these gentleman to the Pretorium, on the Mall, my friend, they have disgraced themselves through over-eating. "

"Am I not good at jokes?" said Nicole to him. 

"The farce is good, but it is fetid, " replied he, laughing. 

This royal answer showed the courtiers that this time the king did notintend to play with their heads, for which they thanked heaven. Themonarch was partial to these dirty tricks. He was not at all a badfellow, as the guests remarked while relieving themselves against theside of the Mall with Tristan, who, like a good Frenchman, kept themcompany, and escorted them to their homes. This is why since that timethe citizens of Tours had never failed to defile the Mall ofChardonneret, because the gentlemen of the court had been there. 

I will not leave this great king without committing to writing thisgood joke which he played upon La Godegrand, who was an old maid, muchdisgusted that she had not, during the forty years she had lived, beenable to find a lid to her saucepan, enraged, in her yellow skin, thatshe still was as virgin as a mule. This old maid had her apartments onthe other side of the house which belonged to La Beaupertuys, at thecorner of the Rue de Hierusalem, in such a position that, standing onthe balcony joining the wall, it was easy to see what she was doing, and hear what she was saying in the lower room where she lived; andoften the king derived much amusement from the antics of the old girl, who did not know that she was so much within the range of hismajesty's culverin. Now one market day it happened that the king hadcaused to be hanged a young citizen of Tours, who had violated a noblelady of a certain age, believing that she was a young maiden. Therewould have been no harm in this, and it would have been a thinggreatly to the credit of the said lady to have been taken for avirgin; but on finding out his mistake, he had abominably insultedher, and suspecting her of trickery, had taken it into his head to robher of a splendid silver goblet, in payment of the present he had justmade her. This young man had long hair, and was so handsome that thewhole town wished to see him hanged, both from regret and out ofcuriosity. You may be sure that at this hanging there were more capsthan hats. Indeed, the said young man swung very well; and after thefashion and custom of persons hanged, he died gallantly with his lancecouched, which fact made a great noise in the town. Many ladies saidon this subject that it was a murder not to have preserved so fine afellow from the scaffold. 

"Suppose we were to put this handsome corpse in the bed of LaGodegrand, " said La Beaupertuys to the king. 

"We should terrify her, " replied Louis. 

"Not at all, sire. Be sure that she will welcome even a dead man, somadly does she long for a living one. Yesterday I saw her making loveto a young man's cap placed on the top of a chair, and you would havelaughed heartily at her words and gestures. "

Now while this forty-year-old virgin was at vespers, the king sent tohave this young townsman, who had just finished the last scene of histragic farce, taken down, and having dressed him in a white shirt, twoofficers got over the walls of La Godegrand's garden, and put thecorpse into her bed, on the side nearest the street. Having done thisthey went away, and the king remained in the room with the balcony toit, playing with Beaupertuys, and awaiting an hour at which the oldmaid should go to bed. La Godegrand soon came back with a hop, skip, and jump, as the Tourainians say, from the church of St Martin, fromwhich she was not far, since the Rue de Hierusalem touches the wallsof the cloister. She entered her house, laid down her prayer-book, chaplet, and rosary, and other ammunition which these old girls carry, then poked the fire, and blew it, warmed herself at it, settledherself in her chair, and played with her cat for want of somethingbetter; then she went to the larder, supping and sighing, and sighingand supping, eating alone, with her eyes cast down upon the carpet;and after having drunk, behaved in a manner forbidden in courtsociety. 

"Ah!" the corpse said to her, "'_God bless you_!'"

At this joke of luck of La Beaupertuys, both laughed heartily in theirsleeves. And with great attention this very Christian king watched theundressing of the old maid, who admired herself while removing herthings--pulling out a hair, or scratching a pimple which hadmaliciously come upon her nose; picking her teeth, and doing athousand little things which, alas! all ladies, virgins or not, areobliged to do, much to their annoyance; but without these littlefaults of nature, they would be too proud, and one would not be ableto enjoy their society. Having achieved her aquatic and musicaldiscourse, the old maid got in between the sheets, and yelled forth afine, great, ample, and curious cry, when she saw, when she smelt thefresh vigour of this hanged man and the sweet perfume of his manlyyouth; then sprang away from him out of coquetry. But as she did notknow he was really dead, she came back again, believing he was mockingher, and counterfeiting death. 

"Go away, you bad young man!" said she. 

But you can imagine that she proffered this requests in a most humbleand gracious tone of voice. Then seeing that he did not move, sheexamined him more closely, and was much astonished at this so finehuman nature when she recognised the young fellow, upon whom the fancytook her to perform some purely scientific experiments in theinterests of hanged persons. 

"What is she doing?" said La Beaupertuys to the king. 

"She is trying to reanimate him. It is a work of Christian humanity. "

And the old girl rubbed and warmed this fine young man, supplicatingholy Mary the Egyptian to aid her to renew the life of this husbandwho had fallen so amorously from heaven, when, suddenly looking at thedead body she was so charitably rubbing, she thought she saw a slightmovement in the eyes; then she put her hand upon the man's heart, andfelt it beat feebly. At length, from the warmth of the bed and ofaffection, and by the temperature of old maids, which is by far moreburning then the warm blasts of African deserts, she had the delightof bringing to life that fine handsome young fellow who by luckychance had been very badly hanged. 

"See how my executioners serve me!" said Louis, laughing. 

"Ah!" said La Beaupertuys, "you will not have him hanged again? he istoo handsome. "

"The decree does not say that he shall be hanged twice, but he shallmarry the old woman. "

Indeed, the good lady went in a great hurry to seek a master leech, agood bleeder, who lived in the Abbey, and brought him back directly. He immediately took his lancet, and bled the young man. And as noblood came out: "Ah!" said he, "it is too late, the transshipment ofblood in the lungs has taken place. "

But suddenly this good young blood oozed out a little, and then cameout in abundance, and the hempen apoplexy, which had only just begun, was arrested in its course. The young man moved and came more to life;then he fell, from natural causes, into a state of great weakness andprofound sadness, prostration of flesh and general flabbiness. Now theold maid, who was all eyes, and followed the great and notable changeswhich were taking place in the person of this badly hanged man, pulledthe surgeon by the sleeve, and pointing out to him, by a curiousglance of the eye, the piteous cause, said to him--

"Will he for the future be always like that?"

"Often, " replied the veracious surgeon. 

"Oh! he was much nicer hanged!"

At this speech the king burst out laughing. Seeing him at the window, the woman and the surgeon were much frightened, for this laugh seemedto them a second sentence of death for their poor victim. But the kingkept his word, and married them. And in order to do justice he gavethe husband the name of the Sieur de Mortsauf in the place of the onehe had lost upon the scaffold. As La Godegrand had a very big basketof crowns, they founded a good family in Touraine, which still existsand is much respected, since M. De Mortsauf faithfully served Louisthe Eleventh on different occasions. Only he never liked to comeacross gibbets or old women, and never again made amorous assignationsin the night. 

This teaches us to thoroughly verify and recognise women, and not todeceive ourselves in the local difference which exists between the oldand the young, for if we are not hanged for our errors of love, thereare always great risks to run. 

 THE HIGH CONSTABLE'S WIFE

The high constable of Armagnac espoused from the desire of a greatfortune, the Countess Bonne, who was already considerably enamoured oflittle Savoisy, son of the chamberlain to his majesty King Charles theSixth. 

The constable was a rough warrior, miserable in appearance, tough inskin, thickly bearded, always uttering angry words, always busyhanging people, always in the sweat of battles, or thinking of otherstratagems than those of love. Thus the good soldier, caring little toflavour the marriage stew, used his charming wife after the fashion ofa man with more lofty ideas; of the which the ladies have a greathorror, since they like not the joists of the bed to be the solejudges of their fondling and vigorous conduct. 

Now the lovely Countess, as soon as she was grafted on the constable, only nibbled more eagerly at the love with which her heart was ladenfor the aforesaid Savoisy, which that gentleman clearly perceived. 

Wishing both to study the same music, they would soon harmonise theirfancies, and decipher the hieroglyphic; and this was a thing clearlydemonstrated to the Queen Isabella, that Savoisy's horses were oftenerstabled at the house of her cousin of Armagnac than in the Hotel St. Pol, where the chamberlain lived, since the destruction of hisresidence, ordered by the university, as everyone knows. 

This discreet and wise princess, fearing in advance some unfortunateadventure for Bonne--the more so as the constable was as ready tobrandish his broadsword as a priest to bestow benedictions--the saidqueen, as sharp as a dirk, said one day, while coming out fromvespers, to her cousin, who was taking the holy water with Savoisy--

"My dear, don't you see some blood in that water?"

"Bah!" said Savoisy to the queen. "Love likes blood, Madame. "

This the Queen considered a good reply, and put it into writing, andlater on, into action, when her lord the king wounded one of herlovers, whose business you see settled in this narrative. 

You know by constant experience, that in the early time of love eachof two lovers is always in great fear of exposing the mystery of theheart, and as much from the flower of prudence as from the amusementyielded by the sweet tricks of gallantry they play at who can bestconceal their thoughts, but one day of forgetfulness suffices to interthe whole virtuous past. The poor woman is taken in her joy as in alasso; her sweetheart proclaims his presence, or sometimes hisdeparture, by some article of clothing--a scarf, a spur, left by somefatal chance, and there comes a stroke of the dagger that severs theweb so gallantly woven by their golden delights. But when one is fullof days, he should not make a wry face at death, and the sword of ahusband is a pleasant death for a gallant, if there be pleasantdeaths. So may be will finish the merry amours of the constable'swife. 

One morning Monsieur d'Armagnac having lots of leisure time inconsequence of the flight of the Duke of Burgundy, who was quittingLagny, thought he would go and wish his lady good day, and attemptedto wake her up in a pleasant enough fashion, so that she should not beangry; but she sunk in the heavy slumbers of the morning, replied tothe action--

"Leave me alone, Charles!"

"Oh, oh, " said the constable, hearing the name of a saint who was notone of his patrons, "I have a Charles on my head!"

Then, without touching his wife, he jumped out of the bed, and ranupstairs with his face flaming and his sword drawn, to the place whereslept the countess's maid-servant, convinced that the said servant hada finger in the pie. 

"Ah, ah, wench of hell!" cried he, to commence the discharge of hispassion, "say thy prayers, for I intend to kill thee instantly, because of the secret practices of Charles who comes here. "

"Ah, Monseigneur, " replied the woman, "who told you that?"

"Stand steady, that I may rip thee at one blow if you do not confessto me every assignation given, and in what manner they have beenarranged. If thy tongue gets entangled, if thou falterest, I willpierce thee with my dagger!"

"Pierce me through!" replied the girl; "you will learn nothing. "

The constable, having taken this excellent reply amiss, ran herthrough on the spot, so mad was he with rage; and came back into hiswife's chamber and said to his groom, whom, awakened by the shrieks ofthe girl, he met upon the stairs, "Go upstairs; I've correctedBillette rather severely. "

Before he reappeared in the presence of Bonne he went to fetch hisson, who was sleeping like a child, and led him roughly into her room. The mother opened her eyes pretty widely, you may imagine--at thecries of her little one; and was greatly terrified at seeing him inthe hands of her husband, who had his right hand all bloody, and casta fierce glance on the mother and son. 

"What is the matter?" said she. 

"Madame, " asked the man of quick execution, "this child, is he thefruit of my loins, or those of Savoisy, your lover?"

At this question Bonne turned pale, and sprang upon her son like afrightened frog leaping into the water. 

"Ah, he is really ours, " said she. 

"If you do not wish to see his head roll at your feet confess yourselfto me, and no prevarication. You have given me a lieutenant. "

"Indeed!"

"Who is he?"

"It is not Savoisy, and I will never say the name of a man that Idon't know. "

Thereupon the constable rose, took his wife by the arm to cut herspeech with a blow of the sword, but she, casting upon him an imperialglance, cried--

"Kill me if you will, but touch me not. "

"You shall live, " replied the husband, "because I reserve you for achastisement more ample then death. "

And doubting the inventions, snares, arguments, and artifices familiarto women in these desperate situations, of which they study night andday the variations, by themselves, or between themselves, he departedwith this rude and bitter speech. He went instantly to interrogate hisservants, presenting to them a face divinely terrible; so all of themreplied to him as they would to God the Father on the Judgment Day, when each of us will be called to his account. 

None of them knew the serious mischief which was at the bottom ofthese summary interrogations and crafty interlocutions; but from allthat they said, the constable came to the conclusion that no male inhis house was in the business, except one of his dogs, whom he founddumb, and to whom he had given the post of watching the gardens; sotaking him in his hands, he strangled him with rage. This fact incitedhim by induction to suppose that the other constable came into hishouse by the garden, of which the only entrance was a postern openingon to the water side. 

It is necessary to explain to those who are ignorant of it, thelocality of the Hotel d'Armagnac, which had a notable situation nearto the royal houses of St. Pol. On this site has since been built thehotel of Longueville. Then as at the present time, the residence ofd'Armagnac had a porch of fine stone in Rue St. Antoine, was fortifiedat all points, and the high walls by the river side, in face of theIle du Vaches, in the part where now stands the port of La Greve, werefurnished with little towers. The design of these has for a long timebeen shown at the house of Cardinal Duprat, the king's Chancellor. Theconstable ransacked his brains, and at the bottom, from his fineststratagems, drew the best, and fitted it so well to the present case, that the gallant would be certain to be taken like a hare in the trap. "'Sdeath, " said he, "my planter of horns is taken, and I have the timenow to think how I shall finish him off. "

Now this is the order of battle which this grand hairy captain whowaged such glorious war against Duke Jean-sans-Peur commanded for theassault of his secret enemy. He took a goodly number of his most loyaland adroit archers, and placed them on the quay tower, ordering themunder the heaviest penalties to draw without distinction of persons, except his wife, on those of his household who should attempt to leavethe gardens, and to admit therein, either by night or by day, thefavoured gentleman. The same was done on the porch side, in the Rue StAntoine. 

The retainers, even the chaplain, were ordered not to leave the houseunder pain of death. Then the guard of the two sides of the hotelhaving been committed to the soldiers of a company of ordnance, whowere ordered to keep a sharp lookout in the side streets, it wascertain that the unknown lover to whom the constable was indebted forhis pair of horns, would be taken warm, when, knowing nothing, heshould come at the accustomed hour of love to insolently plant hisstandard in the heart of the legitimate appurtenances of the said lordcount. 

It was a trap into which the most expert man would fall unless he wasseriously protected by the fates, as was the good St. Peter by theSaviour when he prevented him going to the bottom of the sea the daywhen they had a fancy to try if the sea were as solid as terra firma. 

The constable had business with the inhabitants of Poissy, and wasobliged to be in the saddle after dinner, so that, knowing hisintention, the poor Countess Bonne determined at night to invite heryoung gallant to that charming duel in which she was always thestronger. 

While the constable was making round his hotel a girdle of spies andof death, and hiding his people near the postern to seize the gallantas he came out, not knowing where he would spring from, his wife wasnot amusing herself by threading peas nor seeking black cows in theembers. First, the maid-servant who had been stuck, unstuck herselfand dragged herself to her mistress; she told her that her outragedlord knew nothing, and that before giving up the ghost she wouldcomfort her dear mistress by assuring her that she could have perfectconfidence in her sister, who was laundress in the hotel, and waswilling to let herself be chopped up as small as sausage-meat toplease Madame. That she was the most adroit and roguish woman in theneighbourhood, and renowned from the council chamber to the Trahoircross among the common people, and fertile in invention for thedesperate cases of love. 

Then, while weeping for the decease of her good chamber woman, thecountess sent for the laundress, made her leave her tubs and join herin rummaging the bag of good tricks, wishing to save Savoisy, even atthe price of her future salvation. 

First of all the two women determined to let him know their lord andmaster's suspicion, and beg him to be careful. 

Now behold the good washerwoman who, carrying her tub like a mule, attempts to leave the hotel. But at the porch she found a man-at-armswho turned a deaf ear to all the blandishments of the wash-tub. Thenshe resolved, from her great devotion, to take the soldier on his weakside, and she tickled him so with her fondling that he romped verywell with her, although he was armour-plated ready for battle; butwhen the game was over he still refused to let her go into the streetand although she tried to get herself a passport sealed by some of thehandsomest, believing them more gallant: neither the archers, men-at-arms, nor others, dared open for her the smallest entrance ofthe house. "You are wicked and ungrateful wretches, " said she, "not torender me a like service. "

Luckily at this employment she learned everything, and came back ingreat haste to her mistress, to whom she recounted the strangemachinations of the count. The two women held a fresh council and hadnot considered, the time it takes to sing _Alleluia_, twice, thesewarlike appearances, watches, defences, and equivocal, specious, anddiabolical orders and dispositions before they recognised by the sixthsense with which all females are furnished, the special danger whichthreatened the poor lover. 

Madame having learned that she alone had leave to quit the house, ventured quickly to profit by her right, but she did not go the lengthof a bow-shot, since the constable had ordered four of his pages to bealways on duty ready to accompany the countess, and two of the ensignsof his company not to leave her. Then the poor lady returned to herchamber, weeping as much as all the Magdalens one sees in the churchpictures, could weep together. 

"Alas!" said she, "my lover must then be killed, and I shall never seehim again! . . . He whose words were so sweet, whose manners were sograceful, that lovely head that had so often rested on my knees, willnow be bruised . . . What! Can I not throw to my husband an empty andvalueless head in place of the one full of charms and worth . . . Arank head for a sweet-smelling one; a hated head for a head of love. "

"Ah, Madame!" cried the washerwoman, "suppose we dress up in thegarments of a nobleman, the steward's son who is mad for me, andwearies me much, and having thus accoutered him, we push him outthrough the postern. "

Thereupon the two women looked at each other with assassinating eyes. 

"This marplot, " said she, "once slain, all those soldiers will flyaway like geese. "

"Yes, but will not the count recognise the wretch?"

And the countess, striking her breast, exclaimed, shaking her head, "No, no, my dear, here it is noble blood that must be spilt withoutstint. "

Then she thought a little, and jumping with joy, suddenly kissed thelaundress, saying, "Because I have saved my lover's life by yourcounsel, I will pay you for his life until death. "

Thereupon the countess dried her tears, put on the face of a bride, took her little bag and a prayer-book, and went towards the Church ofSt. Pol whose bells she heard ringing, seeing that the last Mass wasabout to be said. In this sweet devotion the countess never failed, being a showy woman, like all the ladies of the court. Now this wascalled the full-dress Mass, because none but fops, fashionables, younggentlemen and ladies puffed out and highly scented, were to be metthere. In fact no dresses was seen there without armorial bearings, and no spurs that were not gilt. 

So the Countess of Bonne departed, leaving at the hotel the laundressmuch astonished, and charged to keep her eyes about her, and came withgreat pomp to the church, accompanied by her pages, the two ensignsand men-at-arms. It is here necessary to say that among the band ofgallant knights who frisked round the ladies in church, the countesshad more than one whose joy she was, and who had given his heart toher, after the fashion of youths who put down enough and to spare upontheir tablets, only in order to make a conquest of at least one out ofa great number. 

Among these birds of fine prey who with open beaks looked oftenerbetween the benches and the paternosters than towards the altar andthe priests, there was one upon whom the countess sometimes bestowedthe charity of a glance, because he was less trifling and more deeplysmitten than all the others. 

This one remained bashful, always stuck against the same pillar, nevermoving from it, but readily ravished with the sight alone of this ladywhom he had chosen as his. His pale face was softly melancholy. Hisphysiognomy gave proof of fine heart, one of those which nourishardent passions and plunge delightedly into the despairs of lovewithout hope. Of these people there are few, because ordinarily onelikes more a certain thing than the unknown felicities lying andflourishing at the bottommost depths of the soul. 

This said gentleman, although his garments were well made, and cleanand neat, having even a certain amount of taste shown in thearrangement, seemed to the constable's wife to be a poor knightseeking fortune, and come from afar, with his nobility for hisportion. Now partly from a suspicion of his secret poverty, partlybecause she was well beloved by him and a little because he had a goodcountenance, fine black hair, and a good figure, and remained humbleand submissive in all, the constable's wife desired for him the favourof women and of fortune, not to let his gallantry stand idle, and froma good housewifely idea, she fired his imagination according to herfantasies, by certain small favours and little looks which serpentedtowards him like biting adders, trifling with the happiness of thisyoung life, like a princess accustomed to play with objects moreprecious than a simple knight. In fact, her husband risked the wholekingdom as you would a penny at piquet. Finally it was only three dayssince, at the conclusion of vespers, that the constable's wife pointedout to the queen this follower of love, said laughingly--

"There's a man of quality. "

This sentence remained in the fashionable language. Later it became acustom so to designate the people of the court. It was to the wife ofthe constable d'Armagnac, and to no other source, that the Frenchlanguage is indebted for this charming expression. 

By a lucky chance the countess had surmised correctly concerning thisgentleman. He was a bannerless knight, named Julien de Boys-Bourredon, who not having inherited on his estate enough to make a toothpick, andknowing no other wealth than the rich nature with which his deadmother had opportunely furnished him, conceived the idea of derivingtherefrom both rent and profit at court, knowing how fond ladies areof those good revenues, and value them high and dear, when they canstand being looked at between two suns. There are many like him whohave thus taken the narrow road of women to make their way; but he, far from arranging his love in measured qualities, spend funds andall, as soon as he came to the full-dress Mass, he saw the triumphantbeauty of the Countess Bonne. Then he fell really in love, which was agrand thing for his crowns, because he lost both thirst and appetite. This love is of the worst kind, because it incites you to the love ofdiet, during the diet of love; a double malady, of which one issufficient to extinguish a man. 

Such was the young gentlemen of whom the good lady had thought, andtowards whom she came quickly to invite him to his death. 

On entering she saw the poor chevalier, who faithful to his pleasure, awaited her, his back against a pillar, as a sick man longs for thesun, the spring-time, and the dawn. Then she turned away her eyes, andwished to go to the queen and request her assistance in this desperatecase, for she took pity on her lover, but one of the captains said toher, with great appearance of respect, "Madame, we have orders not toallow you to speak with man or woman, even though it should be thequeen or your confessor. And remember that the lives of all of us areat stake. "

"Is it not your business to die?" said she. 

"And also to obey, " replied the soldier. 

Then the countess knelt down in her accustomed place, and againregarding her faithful slave, found his face thinner and more deeplylined than ever it had been. 

"Bah!" said she, "I shall have less remorse for his death; he is halfdead as it is. "

With this paraphrase of her idea, she cast upon the said gentleman oneof those warm ogles that are only allowable to princesses and harlots, and the false love which her lovely eyes bore witness to, gave apleasant pang to the gallant of the pillar. Who does not love the warmattack of life when it flows thus round the heart and engulfseverything?

Madame recognised with a pleasure, always fresh in the minds of women, the omnipotence of her magnificent regard by the answer which, withoutsaying a word, the chevalier made to it. And in fact, the blusheswhich empurpled his cheeks spoke better than the best speeches of theGreek and Latin orators, and were well understood. At this sweetsight, the countess, to make sure that it was not a freak of nature, took pleasure in experimentalising how far the virtue of her eyeswould go, and after having heated her slave more than thirty times, she was confirmed in her belief that he would bravely die for her. This idea so touched her, that from three repetitions between herorisons she was tickled with the desire to put into a lump all thejoys of man, and to dissolve them for him in one single glance oflove, in order that she should not one day be reproached with havingnot only dissipated the life, but also the happiness of thisgentleman. When the officiating priest turned round to sing the _Offyou go_ to this fine gilded flock, the constable's wife went out by theside of the pillar where her courtier was, passed in front of him andendeavoured to insinuate into his understanding by a speaking glancethat he was to follow her, and to make positive the intelligence andsignificant interpretation of this gentle appeal, the artful jadeturned round again a little after passing him to again request hiscompany. She saw that he had moved a little from his place, and darednot advance, so modest was he, but upon this last sign, the gentleman, sure of not being over-credulous, mixed with the crowd with little andnoiseless steps, like an innocent who is afraid of venturing into oneof those good places people call bad ones. And whether he walkedbehind or in front, to the right or to the left, my lady bestowed uponhim a glistening glance to allure him the more and the better to drawhim to her, like a fisher who gently jerks the lines in order to hookthe gudgeon. To be brief: the countess practiced so well theprofession of the daughters of pleasure when they work to bring gristinto their mills, that one would have said nothing resembled a harlotso much as a woman of high birth. And indeed, on arriving at the porchof her hotel the countess hesitated to enter therein, and again turnedher face towards the poor chevalier to invite him to accompany her, discharging at him so diabolical a glance, that he ran to the queen ofhis heart, believing himself to be called by her. Thereupon, sheoffered him her hand, and both boiling and trembling from the contrarycauses found themselves inside the house. At this wretched hour, Madame d'Armagnac was ashamed of having done all these harlotries tothe profit of death, and of betraying Savoisy the better to save him;but this slight remorse was lame as the greater, and came tardily. Seeing everything ready, the countess leaned heavily upon her vassal'sarm, and said to him--

"Come quickly to my room; it is necessary that I should speak withyou. "

And he, not knowing that his life was in peril, found no voicewherewith to reply, so much did the hope of approaching happinesschoke him. 

When the laundress saw this handsome gentleman so quickly hooked, "Ah!" said she, "these ladies of the court are best at such work. "Then she honoured this courtier with a profound salutation, in whichwas depicted the ironical respect due to those who have the greatcourage to die for so little. 

"Picard, " said the constable's lady, drawing the laundress to her bythe skirt, "I have not the courage to confess to him the reward withwhich I am about to pay his silent love and his charming belief in theloyalty of women. "

"Bah! Madame: why tell him? Send him away well contented by thepostern. So many men die in war for nothing, cannot this one die forsomething? I'll produce another like him if that will console you. "

"Come along, " cried the countess, "I will confess all to him. Thatwill be the punishment for my sins. "

Thinking that this lady was arranging with her servant certaintrifling provisions and secret things in order not to be disturbed inthe interview she had promised him, the unknown lover kept at adiscreet distance, looking at the flies. Nevertheless, he thought thatthe countess was very bold, but also, as even a hunchback would havedone, he found a thousand reasons to justify her, and thought himselfquite worthy to inspire such recklessness. He was lost in those goodthoughts when the constable's wife opened the door of her chamber, andinvited the chevalier to follow her in. There his noble lady castaside all the apparel of her lofty fortune, and falling at the feet ofthis gentleman, became a simple woman. 

"Alas, sweet sir!" said she, "I have acted vilely towards you. Listen. On your departure from this house, you will meet your death. The lovewhich I feel for another has bewildered me, and without being able tohold his place here, you will have to take it before his murderers. This is the joy to which I have bidden you. "

"Ah!" Replied Boys-Bourredon, interring in the depths of his heart adark despair, "I am grateful to you for having made use of me as ofsomething which belonged to you. . . . Yes, I love you so much thatevery day you I have dreamed of offering you in imitation of theladies, a thing that can be given but once. Take, then, my life!"

And the poor chevalier, in saying this, gave her one glance to sufficefor all the time he would have been able to look at her through thelong days. Hearing these brave and loving words, Bonne rose suddenly. 

"Ah! were it not for Savoisy, how I would love thee!" said she. 

"Alas! my fate is then accomplished, " replied Boys-Bourredon. "Myhoroscope predicted that I should die by the love of a great lady. Ah, God!" said he, clutching his good sword, "I will sell my life dearly, but I shall die content in thinking that my decease ensures thehappiness of her I love. I should live better in her memory than inreality. " At the sight of the gesture and the beaming face of thiscourageous man, the constable's wife was pierced to the heart. Butsoon she was wounded to the quick because he seemed to wish to leaveher without even asking of her the smallest favour. 

"Come, that I may arm you, " said she to him, making an attempt to kisshim. 

"Ha! my lady-love, " replied he, moistening with a gentle tear the fireof his eyes, "would you render my death impossible by attaching toogreat a value to my life?"

"Come, " cried she, overcome by this intense love, "I do not know whatthe end of all this will be, but come--afterwards we will go andperish together at the postern. "

The same flame leaped in their hearts, the same harmony had struck forboth, they embraced each other with a rapture in the delicious excessof that mad fever which you know well I hope; they fell into aprofound forgetfulness of the dangers of Savoisy, of themselves, ofthe constable, of death, of life, of everything. 

Meanwhile the watchman at the porch had gone to inform the constableof the arrival of the gallant, and to tell him how the infatuatedgentleman had taken no notice of the winks which, during Mass and onthe road, the countess had given him in order to prevent hisdestruction. They met their master arriving in great haste at thepostern, because on their side the archers of the quay had whistled tohim afar off, saying to him--

"The Sire de Savoisy has passed in. "

And indeed Savoisy had come at the appointed hour, and like all thelovers, thinking only of his lady, he had not seen the count's spiesand had slipped in at the postern. This collision of lovers was thecause of the constable's cutting short the words of those who camefrom the Rue St. Antoine, saying to them with a gesture of authority, that they did not think wise to disregard--

"I know that the animal is taken. "

Thereupon all rushed with a great noise through this said postern, crying, "Death to him! death to him!" and men-at-arms, archers, theconstable, and the captains, all rushed full tilt upon CharlesSavoisy, the king's nephew, who they attacked under the countess'swindow, where by a strange chance, the groans of the poor young manwere dolorously exhaled, mingled with the yells of the soldiers, atthe same time as passionate sighs and cries were given forth by thetwo lovers, who hastened up in great fear. 

"Ah!" said the countess, turning pale from terror, "Savoisy is dyingfor me!"

"But I will live for you, " replied Boys-Bourredon, "and shall esteemit a joy to pay the same price for my happiness as he has done. "

"Hide yourself in the clothes chest, " cried the countess; "I hear theconstable's footsteps. "

And indeed M. D'Armagnac appeared very soon with a head in his hand, and putting it all bloody on the mantleshelf, "Behold, Madame, " saidhe, "a picture which will enlighten you concerning the duties of awife towards her husband. "

"You have killed an innocent man, " replied the countess, withoutchanging colour. "Savoisy was not my lover. "

And with the this speech she looked proudly at the constable with aface marked by so much dissimulation and feminine audacity, that thehusband stood looking as foolish as a girl who has allowed a note toescape her below, before a numerous company, and he was afraid ofhaving made a mistake. 

"Of whom were you thinking this morning?" asked he. 

"I was dreaming of the king, " said she. 

"Then, my dear, why not have told me so?"

"Would you have believed me in the bestial passion you were in?"

The constable scratched his ear and replied--

"But how came Savoisy with the key of the postern?"

"I don't know, " she said, curtly, "if you will have the goodness tobelieve what I have said to you. "

And his wife turned lightly on her heel like a weather-cock turned bythe wind, pretending to go and look after the household affairs. Youcan imagine that D'Armagnac was greatly embarrassed with the head ofpoor Savoisy, and that for his part Boys-Bourredon had no desire tocough while listening to the count, who was growling to himself allsorts of words. At length the constable struck two heavy blows overthe table and said, "I'll go and attack the inhabitants of Poissy. "Then he departed, and when the night was come Boys-Bourredon escapedfrom the house in some disguise or other. 

Poor Savoisy was sorely lamented by his lady, who had done all that awoman could do to save her lover, and later he was more than wept, hewas regretted; for the countess having related this adventure to QueenIsabella, her majesty seduced Boys-Bourredon from the service of hercousin and put him to her own, so much was she touched with thequalities and firm courage of this gentleman. 

Boys-Bourredon was a man whom danger had well recommended to theladies. In fact he comported himself so proudly in everything in thelofty fortune, which the queen had made for him, that having badlytreated King Charles one day when the poor man was in his propersenses, the courtiers, jealous of favour, informed the king of hiscuckoldom. Boys-Bourredon was in a moment sewn in a sack and throwninto the Seine, near the ferry at Charenton, as everyone knows. I haveno need add, that since the day when the constable took it into hishead to play thoughtlessly with knives, his good wife utilised so wellthe two deaths he had caused and threw them so often in his face, thatshe made him as soft as a cat's paw and put him in the straight roadof marriage; and he proclaimed her a modest and virtuous constable'slady, as indeed she was. As this book should, according to the maximsof great ancient authors, join certain useful things to the goodlaughs which you will find therein and contain precepts of high taste, I beg to inform you that the quintessence of the story is this: Thatwomen need never lose their heads in serious cases, because the God ofLove never abandons them, especially when they are beautiful, young, and of good family; and that gallants when going to keep an amorousassignation should never go there like giddy young men, but carefully, and keep a sharp look-out near the burrow, to avoid falling intocertain traps and to preserve themselves; for after a good woman themost precious thing is, certes, a pretty gentleman. 

 THE MAID OF THILOUSE

The lord of Valennes, a pleasant place, of which the castle is not farfrom the town of Thilouse, had taken a mean wife, who by reason oftaste or antipathy, pleasure or displeasure, health or sickness, allowed her good husband to abstain from those pleasures stipulatedfor in all contracts of marriage. In order to be just, it should bestated that the above-mentioned lord was a dirty and ill-favouredperson, always hunting wild animals and not the more entertaining thanis a room full of smoke. And what is more, the said sportsman was allsixty years of age, on which subject, however, he was a silent as ahempen widow on the subject of rope. But nature, which the crooked, the bandy-legged, the blind, and the ugly abuse so unmercifully herebelow, and have no more esteem for her than the well-favoured, --since, like workers of tapestry, they know not what they do, --gives the sameappetite to all and to all the same mouth for pudding. So every beastfinds a mate, and from the same fact comes the proverb, "There is nopot, however ugly, that does not one day find a cover. " Now the lordof Valennes searched everywhere for nice little pots to cover, andoften in addition to wild, he hunted tame animals; but this kind ofgame was scarce in the land, and it was an expensive affair todiscover a maid. At length however by reason of much ferreting aboutand much enquiry, it happened that the lord of Valennes was informedthat in Thilouse was the widow of a weaver who had a real treasure inthe person of a little damsel of sixteen years, whom she had neverallowed to leave her apronstrings, and whom, with great maternalforethought, she always accompanied when the calls of nature demandedher obedience; she had her to sleep with her in her own bed, watchedover her, got her up in the morning, and put her to such a work thatbetween the twain they gained about eight pennies a day. On fete daysshe took her to the church, scarcely giving her a spare moment toexchange a merry word with the young people; above all was she strictin keeping hands off the maiden. 

But the times were just then so hard that the widow and her daughterhad only bread enough to save them from dying of hunger, and as theylodged with one of their poor relations, they often wanted wood inwinter and clothes in summer, owing enough rent to frighten sergeantsof justice, men who are not easily frightened at the debts of others;in short, while the daughter was increasing in beauty, the mother wasincreasing in poverty, and ran into debt on account of her daughter'svirginity, as an alchemist will for the crucible in which his all iscast. As soon as his plans were arranged and perfect, one rainy daythe said lord of Valennes by a mere chance came into the hovel of thetwo spinners, and in order to dry himself sent for some fagots toPlessis, close by. While waiting for them, he sat on a stool betweenthe two poor women. By means of the grey shadows and half light of thecabin, he saw the sweet countenance of the maid of Thilouse; her armswere red and firm, her breasts hard as bastions, which kept the coldfrom her heart, her waist round as a young oak and all fresh and cleanand pretty, like the first frost, green and tender as an April bud; infact, she resembled all that is prettiest in the world. She had eyesof a modest and virtuous blue, with a look more coy than that of theVirgin, for she was less forward, never having had a child. 

Had any one said to her, "Come, let us make love, " she would havesaid, "Love! What is that?" she was so innocent and so little open tothe comprehensions of the thing. 

The good old lord twisted about upon his stool, eyeing the maid andstretching his neck like a monkey trying to catch nuts, which themother noticed, but said not a word, being in fear of the lord to whomthe whole of the country belonged. When the fagot was put into thegrate and flared up, the good hunter said to the old woman, "Ah, ah!that warms one almost as much as your daughter's eyes. "

"But alas, my lord, " said she, "we have nothing to cook on that fire. "

"Oh yes, " replied he. 

"What?"

"Ah, my good woman, lend your daughter to my wife, who has need of agood handmaiden: we will give you two fagots every day. "

"Oh, my lord, what could I cook at such a good fire?"

"Why, " replied the old rascal, "good broth, for I will give you ameasure of corn in season. "

"Then, " replied the old hag, "where shall I put it?"

"In your dish, " answered the purchaser of innocence. 

"But I have neither dish nor flower-bin, nor anything. "

"Well I will give you dishes and flower-bins, saucepans, flagons, agood bed with curtains, and everything. "

"Yes, " replied the good widow, "but the rain would spoil them, I haveno house. "

"You can see from here, " replied the lord, "the house of LaTourbelliere, where lived my poor huntsmen Pillegrain, who was rippedup by a boar?"

"Yes, " said the old woman. 

"Well, you can make yourself at home there for the rest of your days. "

"By my faith;" cried the mother, letting fall her distaff, "do youmean what you say?"

"Yes. "

"Well, then, what will you give my daughter?"

"All that she is willing to gain in my service. "

"Oh! my lord, you are a joking. "

"No, " said he. 

"Yes, " said she. 

"By St. Gatien, St. Eleuther, and by the thousand million saints whoare in heaven, I swear that--"

"Ah! Well; if you are not jesting I should like those fagots to passthrough the hands of the notary. "

"By the blood of Christ and the charms of your daughter am I not agentleman? Is not my word good enough?"

"Ah! well I don't say that it is not; but as true as I am a poorspinner I love my child too much to leave her; she is too young andweak at present, she will break down in service. Yesterday, in hissermon, the vicar said that we should have to answer to God for ourchildren. "

"There! There!" said the lord, "go and find the notary. "

An old woodcutter ran to the scrivener, who came and drew up acontract, to which the lord of Valennes then put his cross, notknowing how to write, and when all was signed and sealed--

"Well, old lady, " said he, "now you are no longer answerable to Godfor the virtue of your child. "

"Ah! my lord, the vicar said until the age of reason, and my child isquite reasonable. " Then turning towards her, she added, "Marie Fiquet, that which is dearest to you is your honour, and there where you aregoing everyone, without counting my lord, will try to rob you of it, but you see well what it is worth; for that reason do not lose it savewillingly and in proper manner. Now in order not to contaminate yourvirtue before God and before man, except for a legitimate motive, takeheed that your chance of marriage be not damaged beforehand, otherwiseyou will go to the bad. "

"Yes, dear mother, " replied the maid. 

And thereupon she left the poor abode of her relation, and came to thechateau of Valennes, there to serve my lady, who found her both prettyand to her taste. 

When the people of Valennes, Sache, Villaines, and other places, learned the high price given for the maid of Thilouse, the goodhousewives recognising the fact that nothing is more profitable thanvirtue, endeavoured to nourish and bring up their daughters virtuous, but the business was as risky as that of rearing silkworms, which areliable to perish, since innocence is like a medlar, and ripens quicklyon the straw. There were, however, some girls noted for it inTouraine, who passed for virgins in the convents of the religious, butI cannot vouch for these, not having proceeded to verify them in themanner laid down by Verville, in order to make sure of the perfectvirtue of women. However, Marie Fiquet followed the wise counsel ofher mother, and would take no notice of the soft requests, honiedwords, or apish tricks of her master, unless they were flavoured witha promise of marriage. 

When the old lord tried to kiss her, she would put her back up like acat at the approach of a dog, crying out "I will tell Madame!" Inshort at the end of six months he had not even recovered the price ofa single fagot. From her labour Marie Fiquet became harder and firmer. Sometimes she would reply to the gentle request of her master, "Whenyou have taken it from me will you give it me back again?"

Another time she would say, "If I were as full of holes as a sieve notone should be for you, so ugly do I think you. "

The good old man took these village sayings for flowers of innocence, and ceased not make little signs to her, long harangues and a hundredvows and sermons, for by reason of seeing the fine breasts of themaid, her plump hips, which at certain movements came into prominentrelief, and by reason of admiring other things capable of inflamingthe mind of a saint, this dear men became enamoured of her with an oldman's passion, which augments in geometrical proportions as opposed tothe passions of young men, because the old men love with theirweakness which grows greater, and the young with their strength whichgrows less. In order to leave this headstrong girl no loophole forrefusal, the old lord took into his confidence the steward, whose agewas seventy odd years, and made him understand that he ought to marryin order to keep his body warm, and that Marie Fiquet was the verygirl to suit him. The old steward, who had gained three hundred poundsby different services about the house, desired to live quietly withoutopening the front door again; but his good master begged him to marryto please him, assuring him that he need not trouble about his wife. So the good steward wandered out of sheer good nature into thismarriage. The day of the wedding, bereft of all her reasons, and notable to find objections to her pursuer, she made him give her a fatsettlement and dowry as the price of her conquest, and then gave theold knave leave to wink at her as often as he could, promising him asmany embraces as he had given grains of wheat to her mother. But athis age a bushel was sufficient. 

The festivities over, the lord did not fail, as soon as his wife hadretired, to wend his way towards the well-glazed, well-carpeted, andpretty room where he had lodged his lass, his money, his fagots, hishouse, his wheat, and his steward. To be brief, know that he found themaid of Thilouse the sweetest girl in the world, as pretty asanything, by the soft light of the fire which was gleaming in thechimney, snug between the sheets, and with a sweet odour about her, asa young maiden should have, and in fact he had no regret for the greatprice of this jewel. Not being able to restrain himself from hurryingover the first mouthfuls of this royal morsel, the lord treated hermore as a past master than a young beginner. So the happy man by toomuch gluttony, managed badly, and in fact knew nothing of the sweetbusiness of love. Finding which, the good wench said, after a minuteor two, to her old cavalier, "My lord, if you are there, as I thinkyou are, give a little more swing to your bells. "

From this saying, which became spread about, I know not how, MarieFiquet became famous, and it is still said in our country, "She is amaid of Thilouse, " in mockery of a bride, and to signify a"fricquenelle. "

"Fricquenelle" is said of a girl I do not wish you to find in yourarms on your wedding night, unless you have been brought up in thephilosophy of Zeno, which puts up with anything, and there are manypeople obliged to be Stoics in this funny situation, which is oftenmet with, for Nature turns, but changes not, and there are always goodmaids of Thilouse to be found in Touraine, and elsewhere. Now if youasked me in what consists, or where comes in, the moral of this tale?I am at liberty to reply to the ladies; that the Cent ContesDrolatiques are made more to teach the moral of pleasure than toprocure the pleasure of pointing a moral. But if it were a used up oldrascal who asked me, I should say to him with all the respect due tohis yellow or grey locks; that God wishes to punish the lord ofValennes, for trying to purchase a jewel made to be given. 

 THE BROTHERS-IN-ARMS

At the commencement of the reign of King Henry, second of the name, who loved so well the fair Diana, there existed still a ceremony ofwhich the usage has since become much weakened, and which hasaltogether disappeared, like an infinity of the good things of theolden times. This fine and noble custom was the choice which allknights made of a brother-in-arms. After having recognised each otheras two loyal and brave men, each one of this pretty couple was marriedfor life to the other; both became brothers, the one had to defend theother in battling against the enemies who threatened him, and at Courtagainst the friends who slandered him. In the absence of his companionthe other was expected to say to one who should have accused his goodbrother of any disloyalty, wickedness or dark felony, "You have liedby your throat, " and so go into the field instantly, so sure was theone of the honour of the other. There is no need to add, that the onewas always the second of the other in all affairs, good or evil, andthat they shared all good or evil fortune. They were better than thebrothers who are only united by the hazard of nature, since they werefraternised by the bonds of an especial sentiment, involuntary andmutual, and thus the fraternity of arms has produced splendidcharacters, as brave as those of the ancient Greeks, Romans, orothers. . . . But this is not my subject; the history of these thingshas been written by the historians of our country, and everyone knowsthem. 

Now at this time two young gentlemen of Touraine, of whom one was theCadet of Maille, and the other Sieur de Lavalliere, becamebrothers-in-arms on the day they gained their spurs. They were leavingthe house of Monsieur de Montmorency, where they had been nourished withthe good doctrines of this great Captain, and had shown how contagiousis valour in such good company, for at the battle of Ravenna theymerited the praises of the oldest knights. It was in the thick of thisfierce fight that Maille, saved by the said Lavalliere, with whom hehad had a quarrel or two, perceived that this gentleman had a nobleheart. As they had each received slashes in the doublets, theybaptised their fraternity with their blood, and were ministered totogether in one and the same bed under the tent of Monsieur deMontmorency their master. It is necessary to inform you that, contraryto the custom of his family, which was always to have a pretty face, the Cadet of Maille was not of a pleasing physiognomy, and hadscarcely any beauty but that of the devil. For the rest he was litheas a greyhound, broad shouldered and strongly built as King Pepin, whowas a terrible antagonist. On the other hand, the Sieur de Lavallierewas a dainty fellow, for whom seemed to have been invented rich laces, silken hose, and cancellated shoes. His long dark locks were pretty asa lady's ringlets, and he was, to be brief, a child with whom all thewomen would be glad to play. One day the Dauphine, niece of the Pope, said laughingly to the Queen of Navarre, who did not dislike theselittle jokes, "that this page was a plaster to cure every ache, " whichcaused the pretty little Tourainian to blush, because, being onlysixteen, he took this gallantry as a reproach. 

Now on his return from Italy the Cadet of Maille found the slipper ofmarriage ready for his foot, which his mother had obtained for him inthe person of Mademoiselle d'Annebaut, who was a graceful maiden ofgood appearance, and well furnished with everything, having a splendidhotel in the Rue Barbette, with handsome furniture and Italianpaintings and many considerable lands to inherit. Some days after thedeath of King Francis--a circumstance which planted terror in theheart of everyone, because his said Majesty had died in consequence ofan attack of the Neapolitan sickness, and that for the future therewould be no security even with princesses of the highest birth--theabove-named Maille was compelled to quit the Court in order to go andarrange certain affairs of great importance in Piedmont. You may besure that he was very loath to leave his good wife, so young, sodelicate, so sprightly, in the midst of the dangers, temptations, snares and pitfalls of this gallant assemblage, which comprised somany handsome fellows, bold as eagles, proud of mein, and as fond ofwomen as the people are partial to Paschal hams. In this state ofintense jealousy everything made him ill at ease; but by dint of muchthinking, it occurred to him to make sure of his wife in the mannerabout to be related. He invited his good brother-in-arms to come atdaybreak on the morning of his departure. Now directly he heardLavalliere's horse in the courtyard, he leaped out of bed, leaving hissweet and fair better-half sleeping that gentle, dreamy, dozing sleepso beloved by dainty ladies and lazy people. Lavalliere came to him, and the two companions, hidden in the embrasure of the window, greetedeach other with a loyal clasp of the hand, and immediately Lavallieresaid to Maille--

"I should have been here last night in answer to thy summons, but Ihad a love suit on with my lady, who had given me an assignation; Icould in no way fail to keep it, but I quitted her at dawn. Shall Iaccompany thee? I have told her of thy departure, she has promised meto remain without any amour; we have made a compact. If she deceivesme--well a friend is worth more than a mistress!"

"Oh! my good brother" replied the Maille, quite overcome with thesewords, "I wish to demand of thee a still higher proof of thy braveheart. Wilt thou take charge of my wife, defend her against all, beher guide, keep her in check and answer to me for the integrity of myhead? Thou canst stay here during my absence, in the green-room, andbe my wife's cavalier. "

Lavalliere knitted his brow and said--

"It is neither thee nor thy wife that I fear, but evil-minded people, who will take advantage of this to entangle us like skeins of silk. "

"Do not be afraid of me, " replied Maille, clasping Lavalliere to hisbreast. "If it be the divine will of the Almighty that I should havethe misfortune to be a cuckold, I should be less grieved if it were toyour advantage. But by my faith I should die of grief, for my life isbound up in my good, young, virtuous wife. "

Saying which, he turned away his head, in order that Lavalliere shouldnot perceive the tears in his eyes; but the fine courtier saw thisflow of water, and taking the hand of Maille--

"Brother, " said he to him, "I swear to thee on my honour as a man, that before anyone lays a finger on thy wife, he shall have felt mydagger in the depth of his veins! And unless I should die, thou shaltfind her on thy return, intact in body if not in heart, becausethought is beyond the control of gentlemen. "

"It is then decreed above, " exclaimed Maille, "that I shall always bethy servant and thy debtor!"

Thereupon the comrade departed, in order not to be inundated with thetears, exclamations, and other expressions of grief which ladies makeuse of when saying "Farewell. " Lavalliere having conducted him to thegate of the town, came back to the hotel, waited until Maried'Annebaut was out of bed, informed her of the departure of her goodhusband, and offered to place himself at her orders, in such agraceful manner, that the most virtuous woman would have been tickledwith a desire to keep such a knight to herself. But there was no needof this fine paternoster to indoctrinate the lady, seeing that she hadlistened to the discourse of the two friends, and was greatly offendedat her husband's doubt. Alas! God alone is perfect! In all the ideasof men there is always a bad side, and it is therefore a great sciencein life, but an impossible science, to take hold of everything, even astick by the right end. The cause of the great difficulty there is inpleasing the ladies is, that there is it in them a thing which is morewoman than they are, and but for the respect which is due to them, Iwould use another word. Now we should never awaken the phantasy ofthis malevolent thing. The perfect government of woman is a task torend a man's heart, and we are compelled to remain in perfectsubmission to them; that is, I imagine, the best manner in which tosolve the most agonising enigma of marriage. 

Now Marie d'Annebaut was delighted with the bearing and offers of thisgallant; but there was something in her smile which indicated amalicious idea, and, to speak plainly, the intention of putting heryoung guardian between honour and pleasure; to regale him so withlove, to surround him with so many little attentions, to pursue himwith such warm glances, that he would be faithless to friendship, tothe advantage of gallantry. 

Everything was in perfect trim for the carrying out of her design, because of the companionship which the Sire de Lavalliere would beobliged to have with her during his stay in the hotel, and as there isnothing in the world can turn a woman from her whim, at every turn theartful jade was ready to catch him in a trap. 

At times she would make him remain seated near her by the fire, untiltwelve o'clock at night, singing soft refrains, and at everyopportunity showed her fair shoulders, and the white temptations ofwhich her corset was full, and casting upon him a thousand piercingglances, all without showing in her face the thoughts that surged inher brain. 

At times she would walk with him in the morning, in the gardens of thehotel, leaning heavily upon his arm, pressing it, sighing, and makinghim tie the laces of her little shoes, which were always coming undonein that particular place. Then it would be those soft words and thingswhich the ladies understand so well, little attentions paid to aguest, such as coming in to see if he were comfortable, if his bedwere well made, the room clean, if the ventilation were good, if hefelt any draughts in the night, if the sun came in during the day, andasking him to forgo none of his usual fancies and habits, saying--

"Are you accustomed to take anything in the morning in bed, such ashoney, milk, or spice? Do the meal times suit you? I will conform mineto yours: tell me. You are afraid to ask me. Come--"

She accompanied these coddling little attentions with a hundredaffected speeches; for instance, on coming into the room she wouldsay--

"I am intruding, send me away. You want to be left alone--I will go. "And always was she graciously invited to remain. 

And the cunning Madame always came lightly attired, showing samples ofher beauty, which would have made a patriarch neigh, even were he asmuch battered by time as must have been Mr. Methusaleh, with his ninehundred and sixty years. 

That good knight being as sharp as a needle, let the lady go on withher tricks, much pleased to see her occupy herself with him, since itwas so much gained; but like a loyal brother, he always called herabsent husband to the lady's mind. 

Now one evening--the day had been very warm--Lavalliere suspecting thelady's games, told her that Maille loved her dearly, that she had inhim a man of honour, a gentleman who doted on her, and was ticklish onthe score of his crown. 

"Why then, if he is so ticklish in this manner, has he placed youhere?"

"Was it not a most prudent thing?" replied he. "Was it not necessaryto confide you to some defender of your virtue? Not that it needs onesave to protect you from wicked men. "

"Then you are my guardian?" said she. 

"I am proud of it!" exclaimed Lavalliere. 

"Ah!" said she, "he has made a very bad choice. "

This remark was accompanied by a little look, so lewdly lasciviousthat the good brother-in-arms put on, by way of reproach, a severecountenance, and left the fair lady alone, much piqued at this refusalto commence love's conflict. 

She remained in deep meditation, and began to search for the realobstacle that she had encountered, for it was impossible that itshould enter the mind of any lady, that a gentleman could despise thatbagatelle which is of such great price and so high value. Now thesethoughts knitted and joined together so well, one fitting into theother, that out of little pieces she constructed a perfect whole, andfound herself desperately in love; which should teach the ladies neverto play with a man's weapons, seeing that like glue, they always stickto the fingers. 

By this means Marie d'Annebaut came to a conclusion which she shouldhave known at the commencement--viz. , that to keep clear of hersnares, the good knight must be smitten with some other lady, andlooking round her, to see where her young guest could have found aneedle-case to his taste, she thought of the fair Limeuil, one ofQueen Catherine's maids, of Mesdames de Nevers, d'Estree, and de Giac, all of whom were declared friends of Lavalliere, and of the lot hemust love one to distraction. 

From this belief, she added the motive of jealousy to the others whichtempted her to seduce her Argus, whom she did not wish to wound, butto perfume, kiss his head, and treat kindly. 

She was certainly more beautiful, young, and more appetising andgentle than her rivals; at least, that was the melodious decree of herimaginations. So, urged on by the chords and springs of conscience, and physical causes which affect women, she returned to the charge, tocommence a fresh assault upon the heart of the chevalier, for theladies like that which is well fortified. 

Then she played the pussy-cat, and nestled up close to him, became sosweetly sociable, and wheedled so gently, that one evening when shewas in a desponding state, although merry enough in her inmost soul, the guardian-brother asked her--

"What is the matter with you?"

To which she replied to him dreamily, being listened to by him as thesweetest music--

That she had married Maille against her heart's will, and that she wasvery unhappy; that she knew not the sweets of love; that her husbanddid not understand her, and that her life was full of tears. In fact, that she was a maiden in heart and all, since she confessed inmarriage she had experienced nothing but the reverse of pleasure. Andshe added, that surely this holy state should be full of sweetmeatsand dainties of love, because all the ladies hurried into it, andhated and were jealous of those who out-bid them, for it cost certainpeople pretty dear; that she was so curious about it that for one goodday or night of love, she would give her life, and always be obedientto her lover without a murmur; but that he with whom she would soonerthan all others try the experiment would not listen to her; that, nevertheless, the secret of their love might be kept eternally, sogreat was her husband's confidence in him, and that finally if hestill refused it would kill her. 

And all these paraphrases of the common canticle known to the ladiesat their birth were ejaculated between a thousand pauses, interruptedwith sighs torn from the heart, ornamented with quiverings, appeals toheaven, upturned eyes, sudden blushings and clutchings at her hair. Infact, no ingredient of temptation was lacking in the dish, and at thebottom of all these words there was a nipping desire which embellishedeven its blemishes. The good knight fell at the lady's feet, andweeping took them and kissed them, and you may be sure the good womanwas quite delighted to let him kiss them, and even without looking toocarefully to see what she was going to do, she abandoned her dress tohim, knowing well that to keep it from sweeping the ground it must betaken at the bottom to raise it; but it was written that for thatevening she should be good, for the handsome Lavalliere said to herwith despair--

"Ah, madame, I am an unfortunate man and a wretch. "

"Not at all, " said she. 

"Alas, the joy of loving you is denied to me. "

"How?" said she. 

"I dare not confess my situation to you!"

"Is it then very bad?"

"Ah, you will be ashamed of me!"

"Speak, I will hide my face in my hands, " and the cunning madame hidher face is such a way that she could look at her well-beloved betweenher fingers. 

"Alas!" said he, "the other evening when you addressed me in suchgracious words, I was so treacherously inflamed, that not knowing myhappiness to be so near, and not daring to confess my flame to you, Iran to a Bordel where all the gentleman go, and there for love of you, and to save the honour of my brother whose head I should blush todishonour, I was so badly infected that I am in great danger of dyingof the Italian sickness. "

The lady, seized with terror, gave vent to the cry of a woman inlabour, and with great emotion, repulsed him with a gentle littlegesture. Poor Lavalliere, finding himself in so pitiable state, wentout of the room, but he had not even reached the tapestries of thedoor, when Marie d'Annebaut again contemplated him, saying to herself, "Ah! what a pity!" Then she fell into a state of great melancholy, pitying in herself the gentleman, and became the more in love with himbecause he was fruit three times forbidden. 

"But for Maille, " said she to him, one evening that she thought himhandsomer than unusual, "I would willingly take your disease. Togetherwe should then have the same terrors. "

"I love you too well, " said the brother, "not to be good. "

And he left her to go to his beautiful Limeuil. You can imagine thatbeing unable to refuse to receive the burning glances of the lady, during meal times, and the evenings, there was a fire nourished thatwarmed them both, but she was compelled to live without touching hercavalier, otherwise than with her eyes. Thus occupied, Maried'Annebaut was fortified at every point against the gallants of theCourt, for there are no bounds so impassable as those of love, and nobetter guardian; it is like the devil, he whom it has in its clutchesit surrounds with flames. One evening, Lavalliere having escorted hisfriend's wife to a dance given by Queen Catherine, he danced with thefair Limeuil, with whom he was madly in love. At that time the knightscarried on their amours bravely two by two, and even in troops. Nowall the ladies were jealous of La Limeuil, who at that time wasthinking of yielding to the handsome Lavalliere. Before taking theirplaces in the quadrille, she had given him the sweetest ofassignations for the morrow, during the hunt. Our great QueenCatherine, who from political motives fermented these loves andstirred them up, like pastrycooks make the oven fires burn by poking, glanced at all the pretty couples interwoven in the quadrille, andsaid to her husband--

"When they combat here, can they conspire against you, eh?"

"Ah! but the Protestants?"

"Bah! have them here as well, " said she, laughing. "Why, look atLavalliere, who is suspected to be a Huguenot; he is converted by mydear little Limeuil, who does not play her cards badly for a younglady of sixteen. He will soon have her name down in his list. "

"Ah, Madame! do not believe it, " said Marie d'Annebaut, "he is ruinedthrough that same sickness of Naples which made you queen. "

At this artless confession, Catherine, the fair Diana, and the king, who were sitting together, burst out laughing, and the thing ran roundthe room. This brought endless shame and mockery upon Lavalliere. Thepoor gentleman, pointed at by everyone, soon wished somebody else inhis shoes, for La Limeuil, who his rivals had not been slow laughinglyto warn of her danger, appeared to shrink from her lover, so rapid wasthe spread, and so violent the apprehensions of this nasty disease. Thus Lavalliere found himself abandoned by everyone like a leper. Theking made an offensive remark, and the good knight quitted theball-room, followed by poor Marie in despair at the speech. She had inevery way ruined the man she loved: she had destroyed his honour, andmarred his life, since the physicians and master surgeons advance as afact, incapable of contradiction, that persons Italianised by thislove sickness, lost through it their greatest attractions, as well astheir generative powers, and their bones went black. 

Thus no woman would bind herself in legitimate marriage with thefinest gentlemen in the kingdom if he were only suspected of being oneof those whom Master Frances Rabelais named "his very precious scabbyones. . . . . "

As the handsome knight was very silent and melancholy, his companionsaid to him on the road home from Hercules House, where the fete hadbeen held--

"My dear lord, I have done you a great mischief. "

"Ah, madame!" replied Lavalliere, "my hurt is curable; but into what apredicament have you fallen? You should not have been aware of thedanger of my love. "

"Ah!" said she, "I am sure now always to have you to myself; inexchange for this great obloquy and dishonour, I will be forever yourfriend, your hostess, and your lady-love--more than that, yourservant. My determination is to devote myself to you and efface thetraces of this shame; to cure you by a watch and ward; and if thelearned in these matters declare that the disease has such a hold ofyou that it will kill you like our defunct sovereign, I must stillhave your company in order to die gloriously in dying of yourcomplaint. Even then, " said she, weeping, "that will not be penanceenough to atone for the wrong I have done you. "

These words were accompanied with big tears; her virtuous heart waxedfaint, she fell to the ground exhausted. Lavalliere, terrified, caughther and placed his hand upon her heart, below a breast of matchlessbeauty. The lady revived at the warmth of this beloved hand, experiencing such exquisite delights as nearly to make her againunconscious. 

"Alas!" said she, "this sly and superficial caress will be for thefuture the only pleasure of our love. It will still be a hundred timesbetter than the joys which poor Maille fancies he is bestowing on me. . . . Leave your hand there, " said she; "verily it is upon my soul, and touches it. "

At these words the knight was in a pitiful plight, and innocentlyconfessed to the Lady that he experienced so much pleasure at thistouch that the pains of his malady increased, and that death waspreferable to this martyrdom. 

"Let us die then, " said she. 

But the litter was in the courtyard of the hotel, and as the means ofdeath was not handy, each one slept far from the other, heavilyweighed down with love, Lavalliere having lost his fair Limeuil, andMarie d'Annebaut having gained pleasures without parallel. 

From this affair, which was quite unforeseen, Lavalliere found himselfunder the ban of love and marriage and dared no longer appear inpublic, and he found how much it costs to guard the virtue of a woman;but the more honour and virtue he displayed the more pleasure did heexperience in these great sacrifices offered at the shrine ofbrotherhood. Nevertheless, his duty was very bitter, very ticklish, and intolerable to perform, towards the last days of his guard. And inthis way. 

The confession of her love, which she believed was returned, the wrongdone by her to her cavalier, and the experience of an unknownpleasure, emboldened the fair Marie, who fell into a platonic love, gently tempered with those little indulgences in which there is nodanger. From this cause sprang the diabolical pleasures of the gameinvented by the ladies, who since the death of Francis the Firstfeared the contagion, but wished to gratify their lovers. To thesecruel delights, in order to properly play his part, Lavalliere couldnot refuse his sanction. Thus every evening the mournful Marie wouldattach her guest to her petticoats, holding his hand, kissing him withburning glances, her cheek placed gently against his, and during thisvirtuous embrace, in which the knight was held like the devil by aholy water brush, she told him of her great love, which was boundlesssince it stretched through the infinite spaces of unsatisfied desire. All the fire with which the ladies endow their substantial amours, when the night has no other lights than their eyes, she transferredinto the mystic motions of her head, the exultations of her soul, andthe ecstasies of her heart. Then, naturally, and with the deliciousjoy of two angels united by thought alone, they intoned together thosesweet litanies repeated by the lovers of the period in honour oflove--anthems which the abbot of Theleme has paragraphically savedfrom oblivion by engraving them on the walls of his Abbey, situated, according to master Alcofribas, in our land of Chinon, where I haveseen them in Latin, and have translated them for the benefit ofChristians. 

"Alas!" said Marie d'Annebaut, "thou art my strength and my life, myjoy and my treasure. "

"And you, " replied he "you are a pearl, an angel. "

"Thou art my seraphim. "

"You my soul. "

"Thou my God. "

"You my evening star and morning star, my honour, my beauty, myuniverse. "

"Thou my great my divine master. "

"You my glory, my faith, my religion. "

"Thou my gentle one, my handsome one, my courageous one, my dear one, my cavalier, my defender, my king, my love. "

"You my fairy, the flower of my days, the dream of my nights. "

"Thou my thought at every moment. "

"You the delights of my eyes. "

"Thou the voice of my soul. "

"You my light by day. "

"Thou my glimmer in the night. "

"You the best beloved among women. "

"Thou the most adored of men. "

"You my blood, a myself better than myself. "

"Thou art my heart, my lustre. "

"You my saint, my only joy. "

"I yield thee the palm of love, and how great so'er mine be, I believethou lovest me still more, for thou art the lord. "

"No; the palm is yours, my goddess, my Virgin Marie. "

"No; I am thy servant, thine handmaiden, a nothing thou canst crush toatoms. "

"No, no! it is I who am your slave, your faithful page, whom you seeas a breath of air, upon whom you can walk as on a carpet. My heart isyour throne. "

"No, dearest, for thy voice transfigures me. "

"Your regard burns me. "

"I see but thee. "

"I love but you. "

"Oh! put thine hand upon my heart--only thine hand--and thou will seeme pale, when my blood shall have taken the heat of thine. "

Then during these struggles their eyes, already ardent, flamed stillmore brightly, and the good knight was a little the accomplice of thepleasure which Marie d'Annebaut took in feeling his hand upon herheart. Now, as in this light embrace all their strength was put forth, all their desires strained, all their ideas of the thing concentrated, it happened that the knight's transport reached a climax. Their eyeswept warm tears, they seized each other hard and fast as fire seizeshouses; but that was all. Lavalliere had promised to return safe andsound to his friend the body only, not the heart. 

When Maille announced his return, it was quite time, since no virtuecould avoid melting upon this gridiron; and the less licence thelovers had, the more pleasure they had in their fantasies. 

Leaving Marie d'Annebaut, the good companion in arms went as far asBondy to meet his friend, to help him to pass through the forestwithout accident, and the two brothers slept together, according tothe ancient custom, in the village of Bondy. 

There, in their bed, they recounted to each other, one of theadventures of his journey, the other the gossip of the camp, storiesof gallantry, and the rest. But Maille's first question was touchingMarie d'Annebaut, whom Lavalliere swore to be intact in that preciousplace where the honour of husbands is lodged; at which the amorousMaille was highly delighted. 

On the morrow, they were all three re-united, to the great disgust ofMarie, who, with the high jurisprudence of women, made a great fusswith her good husband, but with her finger she indicated her heart inan artless manner to Lavalliere, as one who said, "This is thine!"

At supper Lavalliere announced his departure for the wars. Maille wasmuch grieved at this resolution, and wished to accompany his brother;that Lavalliere refused him point blank. 

"Madame, " said he to Marie d'Annebaut, "I love you more than life, butnot more than honour. "

He turned pale saying this, and Madame de Maille blanched hearing him, because never in their amorous dalliance had there been so much truelove as in this speech. Maille insisted on keeping his friend companyas far as Meaux. When he came back he was talking over with his wifethe unknown reasons and secret causes of this departure, when Marie, who suspected the grief of poor Lavalliere said, "I know: he isashamed to stop here because he has the Neapolitan sickness. "

"He!" said Maille, quite astonished. "I saw him when we were in bedtogether at Bondy the other evening, and yesterday at Meaux. There'snothing the matter with him; he is as sound as a bell. "

The lady burst into tears, admiring this great loyalty, the sublimeresignation to his oath, and the extreme sufferings of this internalpassion. But as she still kept her love in the recesses of her heart, she died when Lavalliere fell before Metz, as has been elsewhererelated by Messire Bourdeilles de Brantome in his tittle-tattle. 

 THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU

In those days the priests no longer took any woman in legitimatemarriage, but kept good mistresses as pretty as they could get; whichcustom has since been interdicted by the council, as everyone knows, because, indeed, it was not pleasant that the private confessions ofpeople should be retold to a wench who would laugh at them, besidesthe other secret doctrines, ecclesiastical arrangements, andspeculations which are part and parcel of the politics of the Churchof Rome. The last priest in our country who theologically kept a womanin his parsonage, regaling her with his scholastic love, was a certainvicar of Azay-le-Ridel, a place later on most aptly named asAzay-le-Brule, and now Azay-le-Rideau, whose castle is one of themarvels of Touraine. Now this said period, when the women were notaverse to the odour of the priesthood, is not so far distant as somemay think, Monsieur D'Orgemont, son of the preceding bishop, stillheld the see of Paris, and the great quarrels of the Armagnacs had notfinished. To tell the truth, this vicar did well to have his vicaragein that age, since he was well shapen, of a high colour, stout, big, strong, eating and drinking like a convalescent, and indeed, wasalways rising from a little malady that attacked him at certain times;and, later on, he would have been his own executioner, had hedetermined to observe his canonical continence. Add to this that hewas a Tourainian, id est, dark, and had in his eyes flame to light, and water to quench all the domestic furnaces that required lightingor quenching; and never since at Azay has been such vicar seen! Ahandsome vicar was he, square-shouldered, fresh coloured, alwaysblessing and chuckling, preferred weddings and christenings tofunerals, a good joker, pious in Church, and a man in everything. There have been many vicars who have drunk well and eaten well; otherswho have blessed abundantly and chuckled consumedly; but all of themtogether would hardly make up the sterling worth of this aforesaidvicar; and he alone has worthily filled his post with benedictions, has held it with joy, and in it has consoled the afflicted, all sowell, that no one saw him come out of his house without wishing to bein his heart, so much was he beloved. It was he who first said in asermon that the devil was not so black as he was painted, and who forMadame de Cande transformed partridges into fish saying that the perchof the Indre were partridges of the river, and, on the other hand, partridges perch in the air. He never played artful tricks under thecloak of morality, and often said, jokingly, he would rather be in agood bed then in anybody's will, that he had plenty of everything, andwanted nothing. As for the poor and suffering, never did those whocame to ask for wool at the vicarage go away shorn, for his hand wasalways in his pocket, and he melted (he who in all else was so firm)at the sight of all this misery and infirmity, and he endeavoured toheal all their wounds. There have been many good stories toldconcerning this king of vicars. It was he who caused such heartylaughter at the wedding of the lord of Valennes, near Sacche. Themother of the said lord had a good deal to do with the victuals, roastmeats and other delicacies, of which there was sufficient quantity tofeed a small town at least, and it is true, at the same time, thatpeople came to the wedding from Montbazon, from Tours, from Chinon, from Langeais, and from everywhere, and stopped eight days. 

Now the good vicar, as he was going into the room where the companywere enjoying themselves, met the little kitchen boy, who wished toinform Madame that all the elementary substances and fat rudiments, syrups, and sauces, were in readiness for a pudding of great delicacy, the secret compilation, mixing, and manipulation of which she wishedherself to superintend, intending it as a special treat for herdaughter-in-law's relations. Our vicar gave the boy a tap on thecheek, telling him that he was too greasy and dirty to show himself topeople of high rank, and that he himself would deliver the saidmessage. The merry fellow pushes open the door, shapes the fingers ofhis left hand into the form of a sheath, and moves gently therein themiddle finger of his right, at the same time looking at the lady ofValennes, and saying to her, "Come, all is ready. " Those who did notunderstand the affair burst out laughing to see Madame get up and goto the vicar, because she knew he referred to the pudding, and not tothat which the others imagined. 

But a true story is that concerning the manner in which this worthypastor lost his mistress, to whom the ecclesiastical authoritiesallowed no successor; but, as for that, the vicar did not want fordomestic utensils. In the parish everyone thought it an honour to lendhim theirs, the more readily because he was not the man to spoilanything, and was careful to clean them out thoroughly, the dear man. But here are the facts. One evening the good man came home to supperwith a melancholy face, because he had just put into the ground a goodfarmer, whose death came about in a strange manner, and is stillfrequently talked about in Azay. Seeing that he only ate with the endof his teeth, and turned up his nose at a dish of tripe, which hadbeen cooked in his own special manner, his good woman said to him--

"Have you passed before the Lombard (see _Master Cornelius, passim_), mettwo black crows, or seen the dead man turn in his grave, that you areso upset?"

"Oh! Oh!"

"Has anyone deceived you?"

"Ha! Ha!"

"Come, tell me!"

"My dear, I am still quite overcome at the death of poor Cochegrue, and there is not at the present moment a good housewife's tongue or avirtuous cuckold's lips that are not talking about it. "

"And what was it?"

"Listen! This poor Cochegrue was returning from market, having soldhis corn and two fat pigs. He was riding his pretty mare, who, nearAzay, commenced to caper about without the slightest cause, and poorCochegrue trotted and ambled along counting his profits. At the cornerof the old road of the Landes de Charlemagne, they came upon astallion kept by the Sieur de la Carte, in a field, in order to have agood breed of horses, because the said animal was fleet of foot, ashandsome as an abbot, and so high and mighty that the admiral who cameto see it, said it was a beast of the first quality. This cursed horsescented the pretty mare; like a cunning beast, neither neighed norgave vent to any equine ejaculation, but when she was close to theroad, leaped over forty rows of vines and galloped after her, pawingthe ground with his iron shoes, discharging the artillery of a loverwho longs for an embrace, giving forth sounds to set the strongestteeth on edge, and so loudly, that the people of Champy heard it andwere much terrified thereat. 

"Cochegrue, suspecting the affair, makes for the moors, spurs hisamorous mare, relying upon her rapid pace, and indeed, the good mareunderstands, obeys, and flies--flies like a bird, but a bowshot offfollows the blessed horse, thundering along the road like a blacksmithbeating iron, and at full speed, his mane flying in the wind, replyingto the sound of the mare's swift gallop with his terrible pat-a-pan!pat-a-pan! Then the good farmer, feeling death following him in thelove of the beast, spurs anew his mare, and harder still she gallops, until at last, pale and half dead with fear, he reaches the outer yardof his farmhouse, but finding the door of the stable shut he cries, 'Help here! Wife!' Then he turned round on his mare, thinking to avoidthe cursed beast whose love was burning, who was wild with passion, and growing more amorous every moment, to the great danger of themare. His family, horrified at the danger, did not go to open thestable door, fearing the strange embrace and the kicks of theiron-shod lover. At last, Cochegrue's wife went, but just as the goodmare was half way through the door, the cursed stallion seized her, squeezed her, gave her a wild greeting, with his two legs gripped her, pinched her and held her tight, and at the same time so kneaded andknocked about Cochegrue that there was only found of him a shapelessmass, crushed like a nut after the oil has been distilled from it. Itwas shocking to see him squashed alive and mingling his cries with theloud love-sighs of the horse. "

"Oh! the mare!" exclaimed the vicar's good wench. 

"What!" said the priest astonished. 

"Certainly. You men wouldn't have cracked a plumstone for us. "

"There, " answered the vicar, "you wrong me. " The good man threw her soangrily upon the bed, attacked and treated her so violently that shesplit into pieces, and died immediately without either surgeons orphysicians being able to determine the manner in which the solution ofcontinuity was arrived at, so violently disjointed were the hinges andmesial partitions. You can imagine that he was a proud man, and asplendid vicar as has been previously stated. 

The good people of the country, even the women, agreed that he was notto blame, but that his conduct was warranted by the circumstances. 

From this, perhaps, came the proverb so much in use at that time, Quel'aze le saille! The which proverb is really so much coarser in itsactual wording, that out of respect for the ladies I will not mentionit. But this was not the only clever thing that this great and noblevicar achieved, for before this misfortune he did such a stroke ofbusiness that no robbers dare ask him how many angels he had in hispocket, even had they been twenty strong and over to attack him. Oneevening when his good woman was still with him, after supper, duringwhich he had enjoyed his goose, his wench, his wine, and everything, and was reclining in his chair thinking where he could build a newbarn for the tithes, a message came for him from the lord of Sacche, who was giving up the ghost and wished to reconcile himself with God, receive the sacrament, and go through the usual ceremonies. "He is agood man and loyal lord. I will go. " said he. Thereupon he passed intothe church, took the silver box where the blessed bread is, rang thelittle bell himself in order not to wake the clerk, and went lightlyand willingly along the roads. Near the Gue-droit, which is a valleyleading to the Indre across the moors, our good vicar perceived a hightoby. And what is a high toby? It is a clerk of St. Nicholas. Well, what is that? That means a person who sees clearly on a dark night, instructs himself by examining and turning over purses, and takes hisdegrees on the high road. Do you understand now? Well then, the hightoby waited for the silver box, which he knew to be of great value. 

"Oh! oh!" said the priest, putting down the sacred vase on a stone atthe corner of the bridge, "stop thou there without moving. "

Then he walked up to the robber, tipped him up, seized his loadedstick, and when the rascal got up to struggle with him, he gutted himwith a blow well planted in the middle of his stomach. Then he pickedup the viaticum again, saying bravely to it: "Ah! If I had relied uponthy providence, we should have been lost. " Now to utter these impiouswords on the road to Sacche was mere waste of breath, seeing that headdressed them not to God, but to the Archbishop of Tours, who haveonce severely rebuked him, threatened him with suspension, andadmonished him before the Chapter for having publicly told certainlazy people that a good harvest was not due to the grace of God, butto skilled labour and hard work--a doctrine which smelt of the fagot. And indeed he was wrong, because the fruits of the earth have needboth of one and the other; but he died in this heresy, for he couldnever understand how crops could come without digging, if God sowilled it--a doctrine that learned men have since proved to be true, by showing that formerly wheat grew very well without the aid of man. I cannot leave this splendid model of a pastor without giving here oneof the acts of his life, which proves with what fervour he imitatedthe saints in the division of their goods and mantles, which they gaveformerly to the poor and the passers-by. One day, returning fromTours, where he had been paying his respects to the official, mountedon his mule, he was nearing Azay. On the way, just out side Ballan, hemet a pretty girl on foot, and was grieved to see a woman travellinglike a dog; the more so as she was visibly fatigued, and couldscarcely raise one foot before the other. He whistled to her softly, and the pretty wench turned round and stopped. The good priest, whowas too good a sportsman to frighten the birds, especially the hoodedones, begged her so gently to ride behind him on his mule, and in sopolite a fashion, that the lass got up; not without making thoselittle excuses and grimaces that they all make when one invites themto eat, or to take what they like. The sheep paired off with theshepherd, the mule jogged along after the fashion of mules, while thegirl slipped now this way now that, riding so uncomfortably that thepriest pointed out to her, after leaving Ballan, that she had betterhold on to him; and immediately my lady put her plump arms around thewaist of her cavalier, in a modest and timorous manner. 

"There, you don't slip about now. Are you comfortable?" said thevicar. 

"Yes, I am comfortable. Are you?"

"I?" said the priest, "I am better than that. "

And, in fact, he was quite at his ease, and was soon gently warmed inthe back by two projections which rubbed against it, and at lastseemed as though they wished to imprint themselves between hisshoulder blades, which would have been a pity, as that was not theplace for this white merchandise. By degrees the movement of mulebrought into conjunction the internal warmth of these two good riders, and their blood coursed more quickly through their veins, seeing thatit felt the motion of the mule as well as their own; and thus the goodwench and the vicar finished by knowing each other's thoughts, but notthose of the mule. When they were both acclimatised, he with her andshe with him, they felt an internal disturbance which resolved itselfinto secret desires. 

"Ah!" said the vicar, turning round to his companion, "here is a finecluster of trees which has grown very thick. "

"It is too near the road, " replied the girl. "Bad boys have cut thebranches, and the cows have eaten the young leaves. "

"Are you not married?" asked the vicar, trotting his animal again. 

"No, " said she. 

"Not at all?"

"I'faith! No!"

"What a shame, at your age!"

"You are right, sir; but you see, a poor girl who has had a child is abad bargain. "

Then the good vicar taking pity on such ignorance, and knowing thatthe canons say among other things that pastors should indoctrinatetheir flock and show them the duties and responsibilities of thislife, he thought he would only be discharging the functions of hisoffice by showing her the burden she would have one day to bear. Thenhe begged her gently not be afraid, for if she would have faith in hisloyalty no one should ever know of the marital experiment which heproposed then and there to perform with her; and as, since passingBallan the girl had thought of nothing else; as her desire had beencarefully sustained, and augmented by the warm movements of theanimal, she replied harshly to the vicar, "if you talk thus I will getdown. " Then the good vicar continued his gentle requests so well thaton reaching the wood of Azay the girl wished to get down, and thepriest got down there too, for it was not across a horse that thisdiscussion could be finished. Then the virtuous maiden ran into thethickest part of the wood to get away from the vicar, calling out, "Oh, you wicked man, you shan't know where I am. "

The mule arrived in a glade where the grass was good, the girl tumbleddown over a root and blushed. The good vicar came to her, and there ashe had rung the bell for mass he went through the service for her, andboth freely discounted the joys of paradise. The good priest had it inhis heart to thoroughly instruct her, and found his pupil very docile, as gentle in mind as soft in the flesh, a perfect jewel. Therefore washe much aggrieved at having so much abridged the lessons by giving itat Azay, seeing that he would have been quite willing to recommenceit, like all of precentors who say the same thing over and over againto their pupils. 

"Ah! little one, " cried the good man, "why did you make so much fussthat we only came to an understanding close to Azay?"

"Ah!" said she, "I belong to Bellan. "

To be brief, I must tell you that when this good man died in hisvicarage there was a great number of people, children and others, whocame, sorrowful, afflicted, weeping, and grieved, and all exclaimed, "Ah! we have lost our father. " And the girls, the widows, the wivesand little girls looked at each other, regretting him more than afriend, and said, "He was more than a priest, he was a man!" Of thesevicars the seed is cast to the winds, and they will never bereproduced in spite of the seminaries. 

Why, even the poor, to whom his savings were left, found themselvesstill the losers, and an old cripple whom he had succoured hobbledinto the churchyard, crying "I don't die! I don't!" meaning to say, "Why did not death take me in his place?" This made some of the peoplelaugh, at which the shade of the good vicar would certainly not havebeen displeased. 

 THE REPROACH

The fair laundress of Portillon-les-Tours, of whom a droll saying hasalready been given in this book, was a girl blessed with as muchcunning as if she had stolen that of six priests and three women atleast. She did not want for sweethearts, and had so many that onewould have compared them, seeing them around her, to bees swarming ofan evening towards their hive. An old silk dyer, who lived in the RueSt. Montfumier, and there possessed a house of scandalousmagnificence, coming from his place at La Grenadiere, situated on thefair borders of St. Cyr, passed on horseback through Portillon inorder to gain the Bridge of Tours. By reason of the warmth of theevening, he was seized with a wild desire on seeing the prettywasherwoman sitting upon her door-step. Now as for a very long time hehad dreamed of this pretty maid, his resolution was taken to make herhis wife, and in a short time she was transformed from a washerwomaninto a dyer's wife, a good townswoman, with laces, fine linen, andfurniture to spare, and was happy in spite of the dyer, seeing thatshe knew very well how to manage him. The good dyer had for a crony asilk machinery manufacturer who was small in stature, deformed forlife, and full of wickedness. So on the wedding-day he said to thedyer, "You have done well to marry, my friend, we shall have a prettywife!"; and a thousand sly jokes, such as it is usual to address to abridegroom. 

In fact, this hunchback courted the dyer's wife, who from her nature, caring little for badly built people, laughed to scorn the request ofthe mechanician, and joked him about the springs, engines, and spoolsof which his shop was full. However, this great love of the hunchbackwas rebuffed by nothing, and became so irksome to the dyer's wife thatshe resolved to cure it by a thousand practical jokes. One evening, after the sempiternal pursuit, she told her lover to come to the backdoor and towards midnight she would open everything to him. Now note, this was on a winter's night; the Rue St. Montfumier is close to theLoire, and in this corner there continually blow in winter, windssharp as a hundred needle-points. The good hunchback, well muffled upin his mantle, failed not to come, and trotted up and down to keephimself warm while waiting for the appointed hour. Towards midnight hewas half frozen, as fidgety as thirty-two devils caught in a stole, and was about to give up his happiness, when a feeble light passed bythe cracks of the window and came down towards the little door. 

"Ah, it is she!" said he. 

And this hope warned him once more. Then he got close to the door, andheard a little voice--

"Are you there?" said the dyer's wife to him. 

"Yes. "

"Cough, that I may see. "

The hunchback began to cough. 

"It is not you. "

Then the hunchback said aloud--

"How do you mean, it is not I? Do you not recognise my voice? Open thedoor!"

"Who's there?" said the dyer, opening the window. 

"There, you have awakened my husband, who returned from Amboiseunexpectedly this evening. "

Thereupon the dyer, seeing by the light of the moon a man at the door, threw a big pot of cold water over him, and cried out, "Thieves!thieves!" in such a manner that the hunchback was forced to run away;but in his fear he failed to clear the chain stretched across thebottom of the road and fell into the common sewer, which the sheriffhad not then replaced by a sluice to discharge the mud into the Loire. In this bath the mechanician expected every moment to breathe hislast, and cursed the fair Tascherette, for her husband's name beingTaschereau, she was so called by way of a little joke by the people ofTours. 

Carandas--for so was named the manufacturer of machines to weave, tospin, to spool, and to wind the silk--was not sufficiently smitten tobelieve in the innocence of the dyer's wife, and swore a devilish hateagainst her. But some days afterwards, when he had recovered from hiswetting in the dyer's drain he came up to sup with his old comrade. Then the dyer's wife reasoned with him so well, flavoured her wordswith so much honey, and wheedled him with so many fair promises, thathe dismissed his suspicions. 

He asked for a fresh assignation, and the fair Tascherette with theface of a woman whose mind is dwelling on a subject, said to him, "Come tomorrow evening; my husband will be staying some days atChinonceaux. The queen wishes to have some of her old dresses dyed andwould settle the colours with him. It will take some time. "

Carandas put on his best clothes, failed not to keep the appointment, appeared at the time fixed, and found a good supper prepared, lampreys, wine of Vouvray, fine white napkins--for it was notnecessary to remonstrate with the dyer's wife on the colour of herlinen--and everything so well prepared that it was quite pleasant tohim to see the dishes of fresh eels, to smell the good odour of themeats, and to admire a thousand little nameless things about the room, and La Tascherette fresh and appetising as an apple on a hot day. Now, the mechanician, excited to excess by these warm preparations, was onthe point of attacking the charms of the dyer's wife, when MasterTaschereau gave a loud knock at the street door. 

"Ha!" said madame, "what has happened? Put yourself in the clotheschest, for I have been much abused respecting you; and if my husbandfinds you, he may undo you; he is so violent in his temper. "

And immediately she thrust the hunchback into the chest, and wentquickly to her good husband, whom she knew well would be back fromChinonceaux to supper. Then the dyer was kissed warmly on both hiseyes and on both his ears and he caught his good wife to him andbestowed upon her two hearty smacks with his lips that sounded allover the room. Then the pair sat down to supper, talked together andfinished by going to bed; and the mechanician heard all, thoughobliged to remain crumpled up, and not to cough or to make a singlemovement. He was in with the linen, crushed up as close as a sardinein a box, and had about as much air as he would have had at the bottomof a river; but he had, to divert him, the music of love, the sighs ofthe dyer, and the little jokes of La Tascherette. At last, when hefancied his old comrade was asleep, he made an attempt to get out ofthe chest. 

"Who is there?" said the dyer. 

"What is the matter my little one?" said his wife, lifting her noseabove the counterpane. 

"I heard a scratching, " said the good man. 

"We shall have rain to-morrow; it's the cat, " replied his wife. 

The good husband put his head back upon the pillow after having beengently embraced by his spouse. "There, my dear, you are a lightsleeper. It's no good trying to make a proper husband of you. There, be good. Oh! oh! my little papa, your nightcap is on one side. There, put it on the other way, for you must look pretty even when you areasleep. There! are you all right?"

"Yes. "

"Are you sleep?" said she, giving him a kiss. 

"Yes. "

In the morning the dyer's wife came softly and let out themechanician, who was whiter than a ghost. 

"Give me air, give me air!" said he. 

And away he ran cured of his love, but with as much hate in his heartas a pocket could hold of black wheat. The said hunchback left Toursand went to live in the town of Bruges, where certain merchants hadsent for him to arrange the machinery for making hauberks. 

During his long absence, Carandas, who had Moorish blood in his veins, since he was descended from an ancient Saracen left half dead afterthe great battle which took place between the Moors and the French inthe commune of Bellan (which is mentioned in the preceding tale), inwhich place are the Landes of Charlemagne, where nothing grows becauseof the cursed wretches and infidels there interred, and where thegrass disagrees even with the cows--this Carandas never rose up or laydown in a foreign land without thinking of how he could give strengthto his desires of vengeance; and he was dreaming always of it, andwishing nothing less than the death of the fair washerwoman ofPortillon and often would cry out "I will eat her flesh! I will cookone of her breasts, and swallow it without sauce!" It was a tremendoushate of good constitution--a cardinal hate--a hate of a wasp or an oldmaid. It was all known hates moulded into one single hate, whichboiled itself, concocted itself, and resolved self into an elixir ofwicked and diabolical sentiments, warmed at the fire of the mostflaming furnaces of hell--it was, in fact, a master hate. 

Now one fine day, the said Carandas came back into Touraine with muchwealth, that he brought from the country of Flanders, where he hadsold his mechanical secrets. He bought a splendid house in Rue St. Montfumier, which is still to be seen, and is the astonishment of thepassers-by, because it has certain very queer round humps fashionedupon the stones of the wall. Carandas, the hater, found many notablechanges at the house of his friend, the dyer, for the good man had twosweet children, who, by a curious chance, presented no resemblanceeither to the mother or to the father. But as it is necessary thatchildren bear a resemblance to someone, there are certain people wholook for the features of their ancestors, when they aregood-looking--the flatters. So it was found by the good husband thathis two boys were like one of his uncles, formerly a priest at NotreDame de l'Egrignolles, but according to certain jokers, these twochildren were the living portraits of a good-looking shaven crownofficiating in the Church of Notre Dame la Riche, a celebrated parishsituated between Tours and Plessis. Now, believe one thing, andinculcate it upon your minds, and when in this book you shall onlyhave gleaned, gathered, extracted, and learned this one principle oftruth, look upon yourself as a lucky man--namely, that a man can neverdispense with his nose, id est, that a man will always be snotty--thatis to say, he will remain a man, and thus will continue throughout allfuture centuries to laugh and drink, to find himself in his shirtwithout feeling either better or worse there, and will have the sameoccupations. But these preparatory ideas are to better to fix in theunderstanding that this two-footed soul will always accept as truethose things which flatter his passions, caress his hates, or servehis amours: from this comes logic. So it was that, the first day theabove-mentioned Carandas saw his old comrade's children, saw thehandsome priest, saw the beautiful wife of the dyer, saw LaTaschereau, all seated at the table, and saw to his detriment the bestpiece of lamprey given with a certain air by La Tascherette to herfriend the priest, the mechanician said to himself, "My old friend isa cuckold, his wife intrigues with the little confessor, and thechildren have been begotten with his holy water. I'll show them thatthe hunchbacks have something more than other men. "

And this was true--true as it is that Tours has always had its feet inthe Loire, like a pretty girl who bathes herself and plays with thewater, making a flick-flack, by beating the waves with her fair whitehands; for the town is more smiling, merry, loving, fresh, flowery, and fragrant than all the other towns of the world, which are notworthy to comb her locks or to buckle her waistband. And be sure ifyou go there you will find, in the centre of it, a sweet place, inwhich is a delicious street where everyone promenades, where there isalways a breeze, shade, sun, rain, and love. Ha! ha! laugh away, butgo there. It is a street always new, always royal, always imperial--apatriotic street, a street with two paths, a street open at both ends, a wide street, a street so large that no one has ever cried, "Out ofthe way!" there. A street which does not wear out, a street whichleads to the abbey of Grand-mont, and to a trench, which works verywell with the bridge, and at the end of which is a finer fair ground. A street well paved, well built, well washed, as clean as a glass, populous, silent at certain times, a coquette with a sweet nightcap onits pretty blue tiles--to be short, it is the street where I was born;it is the queen of streets, always between the earth and sky; a streetwith a fountain; a street which lacks nothing to be celebrated amongstreets; and, in fact, it is the real street, the only street ofTours. If there are others, they are dark, muddy, narrow, and damp, and all come respectfully to salute this noble street, which commandsthem. Where am I? For once in this street no one cares to come out ofit, so pleasant it is. But I owed this filial homage, this descriptivehymn sung from the heart to my natal street, at the corners of whichthere are wanting only the brave figures of my good master Rabelais, and of Monsieur Descartes, both unknown to the people of the country. To resume: the said Carandas was, on his return from Flanders, entertained by his comrade, and by all those by whom he was liked forhis jokes, his drollery, and quaint remarks. The good hunchbackappeared cured of his old love, embraced the children, and when he wasalone with the dyer's wife, recalled the night in the clothes-chest, and the night in the sewer, to her memory, saying to her, "Ha, ha!what games you used to have with me. "

"It was your own fault, " said she, laughing. "If you had allowedyourself by reason of your great love to be ridiculed, made a fool of, and bantered a few more times, you might have made an impression onme, like the others. " Thereupon Carandas commenced to laugh, thoughinwardly raging all the time. Seeing the chest where he had nearlybeen suffocated, his anger increased the more violently because thesweet creature had become still more beautiful, like all those who arepermanently youthful from bathing in the water of youth, which watersare naught less than the sources of love. The mechanician studied theproceedings in the way of cuckoldom at his neighbour's house, in orderto revenge himself, for as many houses as there are so many varietiesof manner are there in this business; and although all amours resembleeach other in the same manner that all men resemble each other, it isproved to the abstractors of true things, that for the happiness ofwomen, each love has its especial physiognomy, and if there is nothingthat resembles a man so much as a man, there is also nothing differsfrom a man so much as a man. That it is, which confuses all things, orexplains the thousand fancies of women, who seek the best men with athousand pains and a thousand pleasures, perhaps more the one than theother. But how can I blame them for their essays, changes, andcontradictory aims? Why, Nature frisks and wriggles, twists and turnsabout, and you expect a woman to remain still! Do you know if ice isreally cold? No. Well then, neither do you know that cuckoldom is nota lucky chance, the produce of brains well furnished and better madethan all the others. Seek something better than ventosity beneath thesky. This will help to spread the philosophic reputation of thiseccentric book. Oh yes; go on. He who cries "vermin powder, " is moreadvanced than those who occupy themselves with Nature, seeing that sheis a proud jade and a capricious one, and only allows herself to beseen at certain times. Do you understand? So in all languages does shebelong to the feminine gender, being a thing essentially changeableand fruitful and fertile in tricks. 

Now Carandas soon recognised the fact that among cuckoldoms the bestunderstood and the most discreet is ecclesiastical cuckoldom. This ishow the good dyer's wife had laid her plans. She went always towardsher cottage at Grenadiere-les-St. -Cyr on the eve of the Sabbath, leaving her good husband to finish his work, to count up and check hisbooks, and to pay his workmen; then Taschereau would join her there onthe morrow, and always found a good breakfast ready and his good wifegay, and always brought the priest with him. The fact is, thisdamnable priest crossed the Loire the night before in a small boat, inorder to keep the dyer's wife warm, and to calm her fancies, in orderthat she might sleep well during the night, a duty which young menunderstand very well. Then this fine curber of phantasies got back tohis house in the morning by the time Taschereau came to invite him tospend the day at La Grenadiere, and the cuckold always found thepriest asleep in his bed. The boatman being well paid, no one knewanything of these goings on, for the lover journeyed the night beforeafter night fall, and on the Sunday in the early morning. As soon asCarandas had verified the arrangement and constant practice of thesegallant diversions, he determined to wait for a day when the loverswould meet, hungry one for the other, after some accidentalabstinence. This meeting took place very soon, and the curioushunchback saw the boatman waiting below the square, at the Canal St. Antoine, for the young priest, who was handsome, blonde, slender, andwell-shaped, like the gallant and cowardly hero of love, so celebratedby Monsieur Ariosto. Then the mechanician went to find the old dyer, who always loved his wife and always believed himself the only man whohad a finger in her pie. 

"Ah! good evening, old friend, " said Carandas to Taschereau; andTaschereau made him a bow. 

Then the mechanician relates to him all the secret festivals of love, vomits words of peculiar import, and pricks the dyer on all sides. 

At length, seeing he was ready to kill both his wife and the priest, Carandas said to him, "My good neighbour, I had brought back fromFlanders a poisoned sword, which will instantly kill anyone, if itonly make a scratch upon him. Now, directly you shall have merelytouched your wench and her paramour, they will die. "

"Let us go and fetch it, " said the dyer. 

Then the two merchants went in great haste to the house of thehunchback, to get the sword and rush off to the country. 

"But shall we find them in flagrante delicto?" asked Taschereau. 

"You will see, " said the hunchback, jeering his friend. In fact, thecuckold had not long to wait to behold the joy of the two lovers. 

The sweet wench and her well-beloved were busy trying to catch, in acertain lake that you probably know, that little bird that sometimesmakes his nest there, and they were laughing and trying, and stilllaughing. 

"Ah, my darling!" said she, clasping him, as though she wished to makean outline of him on her chest, "I love thee so much I should like toeat thee! Nay, more than that, to have you in my skin, so that youmight never quit me. "

"I should like it too, " replied the priest, "but as you can't have mealtogether, you must try a little bit at a time. "

It was at this moment that the husband entered, he sword unsheathedand flourished above him. The beautiful Tascherette, who knew herlord's face well, saw what would be the fate of her well-beloved thepriest. But suddenly she sprang towards the good man, half naked, herhair streaming over her, beautiful with shame, but more beautiful withlove, and cried to him, "Stay, unhappy man! Wouldst thou kill thefather of thy children?"

Thereupon the good dyer staggered by the paternal majesty ofcuckoldom, and perhaps also by the fire of his wife's eyes, let thesword fall upon the foot of the hunchback, who had followed him, andthus killed him. 

This teaches us not to be spiteful. 

 EPILOGUE

Here endeth the first series of these Tales, a roguish sample of theworks of that merry Muse, born ages ago, in our fair land of Touraine, the which Muse is a good wench, and knows by heart that fine saying ofher friend Verville, written in _Le Moyen de Parvenir_: It is onlynecessary to be bold to obtain favours. Alas! mad little one, get theeto bed again, sleep; thou art panting from thy journey; perhaps thouhast been further than the present time. Now dry thy fair naked feet, stop thine ears, and return to love. If thou dreamest other poesyinterwoven with laughter to conclude these merry inventions, heed notthe foolish clamour and insults of those who, hearing the carol of ajoyous lark of other days, exclaim: Ah, the horrid bird!

 VOLUME II THE SECOND TEN TALES

 CONTENTS

PROLOGUETHE THREE CLERKS OF SAINT NICHOLASTHE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRSTTHE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSYHOW THE CHATEAU D'AZAY CAME TO BE BUILTTHE FALSE COURTESANTHE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENTTHE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVETHE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDONTHE SUCCUBUSDESPAIR IN LOVEEPILOGUE

 PROLOGUE

Certain persons have reproached the Author for knowing no more aboutthe language of the olden times than hares do of telling stories. Formerly these people would have been vilified, called cannibals, churls, and sycophants, and Gomorrah would have been hinted at astheir natal place. But the Author consents to spare them the floweryepithets of ancient criticism; he contents himself with wishing not tobe in their skin, for he would be disgusted with himself, and esteemhimself the vilest of scribblers thus to calumniate a poor little bookwhich is not in the style of any spoil-paper of these times. Ah!ill-natured wretches! you should save your breath to cool your ownporridge! The Author consoles himself for his want of success in notpleasing everyone by remembering that an old Tourainian, of eternalmemory, had put up with such contumely, that losing all patience, hedeclared in one of his prologues, that he would never more put pen topaper. Another age, but the same manners. Nothing changes, neither Godabove nor men below. Thereupon of the Author continues his task with alight heart, relying upon the future to reward his heavy labours. 

And certes, it is a hard task to invent _A Hundred Droll Tales_, sincenot only have ruffians and envious men opened fire upon him, but hisfriends have imitated their example, and come to him saying "Are youmad? Do you think it is possible? No man ever had in the depths of hisimagination a hundred such tales. Change the hyperbolic title of yourbudget. You will never finish it. " These people are neithermisanthropes nor cannibals; whether they are ruffians I know not; butfor certain they are kind, good-natured friends; friends who have thecourage to tell you disagreeable things all your life along, who arerough and sharp as currycombs, under the pretence that they are yoursto command, in all the mishaps of life, and in the hour of extremeunction, all their worth will be known. If such people would only keepthese sad kindnesses; but they will not. When their terrors are provedto have been idle, they exclaimed triumphantly, "Ha! ha! I knew it. Ialways said so. "

In order not to discourage fine sentiments, intolerable though theybe, the Author leaves to his friends his old shoes, and in order tomake their minds easy, assures them that he has, legally protected andexempt from seizure, seventy droll stories, in that reservoir ofnature, his brain. By the gods! they are precious yarns, well riggedout with phrases, carefully furnished with catastrophes, amply clothedwith original humour, rich in diurnal and nocturnal effects, norlacking that plot which the human race has woven each minute, eachhour, each week, month, and year of the great ecclesiasticalcomputation, commenced at a time when the sun could scarcely see, andthe moon waited to be shown her way. These seventy subjects, which hegives you leave to call bad subjects, full of tricks and impudence, lust, lies, jokes, jests, and ribaldry, joined to the two portionshere given, are, by the prophet! a small instalment on the aforesaidhundred. 

Were it not a bad time for a bibliopolists, bibliomaniacs, bibliographers, and bibliotheques which hinder bibliolatry, he wouldhave given them in a bumper, and not drop by drop as if he wereafflicted with dysury of the brain. He cannot possibly be suspected ofthis infirmity, since he often gives good weight, putting severalstories into one, as is clearly demonstrated by several in thisvolume. You may rely on it, that he has chosen for the finish, thebest and most ribald of the lot, in order that he may not be accusedof a senile discourse. Put then more likes with your dislikes, anddislikes with your likes. Forgetting the niggardly behaviour of natureto story-tellers, of whom there are not more than seven perfect in thegreat ocean of human writers, others, although friendly, have been ofopinion that, at a time when everyone went about dressed in black, asif in mourning for something, it was necessary to concoct works eitherwearisomely serious or seriously wearisome; that a writer could onlylive henceforward by enshrining his ideas in some vast edifice, andthat those who were unable to construct cathedrals and castles ofwhich neither stone nor cement could be moved, would die unknown, likethe Pope's slippers. The friends were requested to declare which theyliked best, a pint of good wine, or a tun of cheap rubbish; a diamondof twenty-two carats, or a flintstone weighing a hundred pounds; thering of Hans Carvel, as told by Rabelais, or a modern narrativepitifully expectorated by a schoolboy. Seeing them dumbfounded andabashed, it was calmly said to them, "Do you thoroughly understand, good people? Then go your ways and mind your own businesses. "

The following, however, must be added, for the benefit of all of whomit may concern:--The good man to whom we owe fables and stories ofsempiternal authority only used his tool on them, having taken hismaterial from others; but the workmanship expended on these littlefigures has given them a high value; and although he was, like M. Louis Ariosto, vituperated for thinking of idle pranks and trifles, there is a certain insect engraved by him which has since become amonument of perennity more assured than that of the most solidly builtworks. In the especial jurisprudence of wit and wisdom the custom isto steal more dearly a leaf wrested from the book of Nature and Truth, than all the indifferent volumes from which, however fine they be, itis impossible to extract either a laugh or a tear. The author haslicence to say this without any impropriety, since it is not hisintention to stand upon tiptoe in order to obtain an unnatural height, but because it is a question of the majesty of his art, and not ofhimself--a poor clerk of the court, whose business it is to have inkin his pen, to listen to the gentleman on the bench, and take down thesayings of each witness in this case. He is responsible forworkmanship, Nature for the rest, since from the Venus of Phidias theAthenian, down to the little old fellow, Godenot, commonly called theSieur Breloque, a character carefully elaborated by one of the mostcelebrated authors of the present day, everything is studied from theeternal model of human imitations which belongs to all. At this honestbusiness, happy are the robbers that they are not hanged, but esteemedand beloved. But he is a triple fool, a fool with ten horns on hishead, who struts, boasts, and is puffed up at an advantage due to thehazard of dispositions, because glory lies only in the cultivation ofthe faculties, in patience and courage. 

As for the soft-voiced and pretty-mouthed ones, who have whispereddelicately in the author's ear, complaining to him that they havedisarranged their tresses and spoiled their petticoats in certainplaces, he would say to them, "Why did you go there?" To these remarkshe is compelled, through the notable slanders of certain people, toadd a notice to the well-disposed, in order that they may use it, andend the calumnies of the aforesaid scribblers concerning him. 

These droll tales are written--according to all authorities--at thatperiod when Queen Catherine, of the house of Medici, was hard at work;for, during a great portion of the reign, she was always interferingwith public affairs to the advantage of our holy religion. The whichtime has seized many people by the throat, from our defunct MasterFrancis, first of that name, to the Assembly at Blois, where fell M. De Guise. Now, even schoolboys who play at chuck-farthing, know thatat this period of insurrection, pacifications and disturbances, thelanguage of France was a little disturbed also, on account of theinventions of the poets, who at that time, as at this, used each tomake a language for himself, besides the strange Greek, Latin, Italian, German, and Swiss words, foreign phrases, and Spanish jargon, introduced by foreigners, so that a poor writer has plenty of elbowroom in this Babelish language, which has since been taken in hand byMessieurs de Balzac, Blaise Pascal, Furetiere, Menage, St. Evremonde, de Malherbe, and others, who first cleaned out the French language, sent foreign words to the rightabout, and gave the right ofcitizenship to legitimate words used and known by everyone, but ofwhich the Sieur Ronsard was ashamed. 

Having finished, the author returns to his lady-love, wishing everyhappiness to those by whom he is beloved; to the others misfortuneaccording to their deserts. When the swallows fly homeward, he willcome again, not without the third and fourth volume, which he herepromises to the Pantagruelists, merry knaves, and honest wags of alldegrees, who have a wholesome horror of the sadness, sombre meditationand melancholy of literary croakers. 

 THE THREE CLERKS OF ST. NICHOLAS

The _Inn of the Three Barbels_ was formerly at Tours, the best placein the town for sumptuous fare; and the landlord, reputed the best ofcooks, went to prepare wedding breakfasts as far as Chatelherault, Loches, Vendome, and Blois. This said man, an old fox, perfect in hisbusiness, never lighted lamps in the day time, knew how to skin aflint, charged for wool, leather, and feathers, had an eye toeverything, did not easily let anyone pay with chaff instead of coin, and for a penny less than his account would have affronted even aprince. For the rest, he was a good banterer, drinking and laughingwith his regular customers, hat in hand always before the personsfurnished with plenary indulgences entitled _Sit nomen Dominibenedictum_, running them into expense, and proving to them, if needwere, by sound argument, that wines were dear, and that whatever theymight think, nothing was given away in Touraine, everything had to bebought, and, at the same time, paid for. In short, if he could withoutdisgrace have done so, he would have reckoned so much for the goodair, and so much for the view of the country. Thus he built up a tidyfortune with other people's money, became as round as a butt, lardedwith fat, and was called Monsieur. At the time of the last fair threeyoung fellows, who were apprentices in knavery, in whom there was moreof the material that makes thieves than saints, and who knew just howfar it was possible to go without catching their necks in the branchesof trees, made up their minds to amuse themselves, and live well, condemning certain hawkers or others in all the expenses. Now theselimbs of Satan gave the slip to their masters, under whom they hadbeen studying the art of parchment scrawling, and came to stay at thehotel of the Three Barbels, where they demanded the best rooms, turnedthe place inside out, turned up their noses at everything, bespoke allthe lampreys in the market, and announced themselves as first-classmerchants, who never carried their goods with them, and travelled onlywith their persons. The host bustled about, turned the spits, andprepared a glorious repast, for these three dodgers, who had alreadymade noise enough for a hundred crowns, and who most certainly wouldnot even have given up the copper coins which one of them was jinglingin his pocket. But if they were hard up for money they did not wantfor ingenuity, and all three arranged to play their parts like thievesat a fair. Theirs was a farce in which there was plenty of eating anddrinking, since for five days they so heartily attacked every kind ofprovision that a party of German soldiers would have spoiled less thanthey obtained by fraud. These three cunning fellows made their way tothe fair after breakfast, well primed, gorged, and big in the belly, and did as they liked with the greenhorns and others, robbing, filching, playing, and losing, taking down the writings and signs andchanging them, putting that of the toyman over the jeweller's, andthat of the jeweller's outside the shoe maker's, turning the shopsinside out, making the dogs fight, cutting the ropes of tetheredhorses, throwing cats among the crowd, crying, "Stop thief!" Andsaying to every one they met, "Are you not Monsieur D'Enterfesse ofAngiers?" Then they hustled everyone, making holes in the sacks offlour, looking for their handkerchiefs in ladies' pockets, raisingtheir skirts, crying, looking for a lost jewel and saying to them--

"Ladies, it has fallen into a hole!"

They directed the little children wrongly, slapped the stomachs ofthose who were gaping in the air, and prowled about, fleecing andannoying every one. In short, the devil would have been a gentleman incomparison with these blackguard students, who would have been hangedrather than do an honest action; as well have expected charity fromtwo angry litigants. They left the fair, not fatigued, but tired ofill-doing, and spent the remainder of their time over dinner until theevening when they recommenced their pranks by torchlight. After thepeddlers, they commenced operations on the ladies of the town, towhom, by a thousand dodges, they gave only that which they received, according to the axiom of Justinian: _Cuiqum jus tribuere_. "To everyone his own juice;" and afterwards jokingly said to the poor wenches--

"We are in the right and you are in the wrong. "

At last, at supper-time, having nothing else to do, they began toknock each other about, and to keep the game alive, complained of theflies to the landlord, remonstrating with him that elsewhere theinnkeepers had them caught in order that gentleman of position mightnot be annoyed by them. However, towards the fifth day, which is thecritical day of fevers, the host not having seen, although he kept hiseyes wide open, the royal surface of a crown, and knowing that if allthat glittered were gold it would be cheaper, began to knit his browsand go more slowly about that which his high-class merchants requiredof him. Fearing that he had made a bad bargain with them, he tried tosound the depth of their pockets; perceiving which the three clerksordered him with the assurance of a Provost hanging his man, to servethem quickly with a good supper as they had to depart immediately. Their merry countenances dismissed the host's suspicions. Thinkingthat rogues without money would certainly look grave, he prepared asupper worthy of a canon, wishing even to see them drunk, in order themore easily to clap them in jail in the event of an accident. Notknowing how to make their escape from the room, in which they wereabout as much at their ease as are fish upon straw, the threecompanions ate and drank immoderately, looking at the situation of thewindows, waiting the moment to decamp, but not getting theopportunity. Cursing their luck, one of them wished to go and undo hiswaistcoat, on account of a colic, the other to fetch a doctor to thethird, who did his best to faint. The cursed landlord kept dodgingabout from the kitchen into the room, and from the room into thekitchen, watching the nameless ones, and going a step forward to savehis crowns, and going a step back to save his crown, in case theyshould be real gentlemen; and he acted like a brave and prudent hostwho likes halfpence and objects to kicks; but under pretence ofproperly attending to them, he always had an ear in the room, and afoot in the court; fancied he was always being called by them, cameevery time they laughed, showing them a face with an unsettled lookupon it, and always said, "Gentlemen, what is your pleasure?" This wasan interrogatory in reply to which they would willingly have given himten inches of his own spit in his stomach, because he appeared as ifhe knew very well what would please them at this juncture, seeing thatto have twenty crowns, full weight, they would each of them have solda third of his eternity. You can imagine they sat on their seats as ifthey were gridirons, that their feet itched and their posteriors wererather warm. Already the host had put the pears, the cheese, and thepreserves near their noses, but they, sipping their liquor, andpicking at the dishes, looked at each other to see if either of themhad found a good piece of roguery in his sack, and they all began toenjoy themselves rather woefully. The most cunning of the threeclerks, who was a Burgundian, smiled and said, seeing the hour ofpayment arrived, "This must stand over for a week, " as if they hadbeen at the Palais de Justice. The two others, in spite of the danger, began to laugh. 

"What do we owe?" asked he who had in his belt the heretoforementioned twelve sols and he turned them about as though he would makethem breed little ones by this excited movement. He was a native ofPicardy, and very passionate; a man to take offence at anything inorder that he might throw the landlord out the window in all securityof conscience. Now he said these words with the air of a man ofimmense wealth. 

"Six crowns, gentlemen, " replied the host, holding out his hand. 

"I cannot permit myself to be entertained by you alone, Viscount, "said the third student, who was from Anjou, and as artful as a womanin love. 

"Neither can I, " said the Burgundian. 

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen!" replied the Picardian "you are jesting. I amyours to command. "

"Sambreguoy!" cried he of Anjou. "You will not let us pay three times;our host would not suffer it. "

"Well then, " said the Burgundian, "whichever of us shall tell theworst tale shall justify the landlord. "

"Who will be the judge?" asked the Picardian, dropping his twelve solsto the bottom of his pocket. 

"Pardieu! our host. He should be capable, seeing that he is a man oftaste, " said he of Anjou. "Come along, great chef, sit you down, drink, and lend us both your ears. The audience is open. "

Thereupon the host sat down, but not until he had poured out agobletful of wine. 

"My turn first, " said the Anjou man. "I commence. "

"In our Duchy of Anjou, the country people are very faithful servantsto our Holy of Catholic religion, and none of them will lose hisportion of paradise for lack of doing penance or killing a heretic. Ifa professor of heresy passed that way, he quickly found himself underthe grass, without knowing whence his death had proceeded. A good manof Larze, returning one night from his evening prayer to the wineflasks of Pomme-de-Pin, where he had left his understanding andmemory, fell into a ditch full of water near his house, and found hewas up to his neck. One of the neighbours finding him shortlyafterwards nearly frozen, for it was winter time, said jokingly tohim--

"'Hulloa! What are you waiting for there?'

"'A thaw', said the tipsy fellow, finding himself held by the ice. 

"Then Godenot, like a good Christian, released him from his dilemma, and opened the door of the house to him, out of respect to the wine, which is lord of this country. The good man then went and got into thebed of the maid-servant, who was a young and pretty wench. The oldbungler, bemuddled with wine, went ploughing in the wrong land, fancying all the time it was his wife by his side, and thanking herfor the youth and freshness she still retained. On hearing herhusband, the wife began to cry out, and by her terrible shrieks theman was awakened to the fact that he was not in the road to salvation, which made the poor labourer sorrowful beyond expression. 

"'Ah! said he; 'God has punished me for not going to vespers atChurch. '

"And he began to excuse himself as best he could, saying, that thewine had muddled his understanding, and getting into his own bed hekept repeating to his good wife, that for his best cow he would nothave had this sin upon his conscience. 

"'My dear', said she, 'go and confess the first thing tomorrowmorning, and let us say no more about it. '

"The good man trotted to confessional, and related his case with allhumility to the rector of the parish, who was a good old priest, capable of being up above, the slipper of the holy foot. 

"'An error is not a sin, ' said he to the penitent. 'You will fasttomorrow, and be absolved. '

"'Fast!--with pleasure, ' said the good man. 'That does not mean gowithout drink. '

"'Oh!' replied the rector, 'you must drink water, and eat nothing buta quarter of a loaf and an apple. '

"Then the good man, who had no confidence in his memory, went home, repeating to himself the penance ordered. But having loyally commencedwith a quarter of a loaf and an apple, he arrived at home, saying, aquarter of apples, and a loaf. 

"Then, to purify his soul, he set about accomplishing his fast, andhis good woman having given him a loaf from the safe, and unhooked astring of apples from the beam, he set sorrowfully to work. As heheaved a sigh on taking the last mouthful of bread hardly knowingwhere to put it, for he was full to the chin, his wife remonstratedwith him, that God did not desire the death of a sinner, and that forlack of putting a crust of bread in his belly, he would not bereproached for having put things in their wrong places. 

"'Hold your tongue, wife!' said he. 'If it chokes me, I must fast. '"

"I've payed my share, it's your turn, Viscount, " added he of Anjou, giving the Picardian a knowing wink. 

"The goblets are empty. Hi, there! More wine. "

"Let us drink, " cried the Picardian. "Moist stories slip out easier. "

At the same time he tossed off a glassful without leaving a drop atthe bottom, and after a preliminary little cough, he related thefollowing:--

"You must know that the maids of Picardy, before setting uphousekeeping, are accustomed honestly to gain their linen, vessels, and chests; in short, all the needed household utensils. To accomplishthis, they go into service in Peronne, Abbeville, Amiens, and othertowns, where they are tire-women, wash up glasses, clean plates, foldlinen, and carry up the dinner, or anything that there is to becarried. They are all married as soon as they possess something elsebesides that which they naturally bring to their husbands. These womenare the best housewives, because they understand the business andeverything else thoroughly. One belonging to Azonville, which is theland of which I am lord by inheritance, having heard speak of Paris, where the people did not put themselves out of the way for anyone, andwhere one could subsist for a whole day by passing the cook's shops, and smelling the steam, so fattening was it, took it into her head togo there. She trudged bravely along the road, and arrived with apocket full of emptiness. There she fell in, at the Porte St. Denise, with a company of soldiers, placed there for a time as a vidette, forthe Protestants had assumed a dangerous attitude. The sergeant seeingthis hooded linnet coming, stuck his headpiece on one side, straightened his feather, twisted his moustache, cleared his throat, rolled his eyes, put his hand on his hips, and stopped the Picardianto see if her ears were properly pierced, since it was forbidden togirls to enter otherwise into Paris. Then he asked her, by way of ajoke, but with a serious face, what brought her there, he pretendingto believe she had come to take the keys of Paris by assault. To whichthe poor innocent replied, that she was in search of a good situation, and had no evil intentions, only desiring to gain something. 

"'Very well; I will employ you, ' said the wag. 'I am from Picardy, andwill get you taken in here, where you will be treated as a queen wouldoften like to be, and you will be able to make a good thing of it. '

"Then he led her to the guard-house, where he told her to sweep thefloor, polish the saucepans, stir the fire, and keep a watch oneverything, adding that she should have thirty sols a head from themen if their service pleased her. Now seeing that the squad was therefor a month, she would be able to gain ten crowns, and at theirdeparture would find fresh arrivals who would make good arrangementswith her, and by this means she would be able to take back money andpresents to her people. The girl cleaned the room and prepared themeals so well, singing and humming, that this day the soldiers foundin their den the look of a monk's refectory. Then all being wellcontent, each of them gave a sol to their handmaiden. Well satisfied, they put her into the bed of their commandant, who was in town withhis lady, and they petted and caressed her after the manner ofphilosophical soldiers, that is, soldiers partial to that which isgood. She was soon comfortably ensconced between the sheets. But toavoid quarrels and strife, my noble warriors drew lots for their turn, arranged themselves in single file, playing well at Pique hardie, saying not a word, but each one taking at least twenty-six sols worthof the girl's society. Although not accustomed to work for so many, the poor girl did her best, and by this means never closed her eyesthe whole night. In the morning, seeing the soldiers were fast asleep, she rose happy at bearing no marks of the sharp skirmish, and althoughslightly fatigued, managed to get across the fields into the opencountry with her thirty sols. On the route to Picardy, she met one ofher friends, who, like herself, wished to try service in Paris, andwas hurrying thither, and seeing her, asked her what sort of placesthey were. 

"'Ah! Perrine; do not go. You want to be made of iron, and even if youwere it would soon be worn away, ' was the answer. 

"Now, big-belly of Burgundy, " said he, giving his neighbour a heartyslap, "spit out your story or pay!"

"By the queen of Antlers!" replied the Burgundian, "by my faith, bythe saints, by God! and by the devil, I know only stories of the Courtof Burgundy, which are only current coin in our own land. "

"Eh, ventre Dieu! are we not in the land of Beauffremont?" cried theother, pointing to the empty goblets. 

"I will tell you, then, an adventure well known at Dijon, whichhappened at the time I was in command there, and was worth beingwritten down. There was a sergeant of justice named Franc-Taupin, whowas an old lump of mischief, always grumbling, always fighting; stiffand starchy, and never comforting those he was leading to the hulks, with little jokes by the way; and in short, he was just the man tofind lice in bald heads, and bad behaviour in the Almighty. This saidTaupin, spurned by every one, took unto himself a wife, and by chancehe was blessed with one as mild as the peel of an onion, who, noticingthe peculiar humour of her husband, took more pains to bring joy tohis house than would another to bestow horns upon him. But althoughshe was careful to obey him in all things, and to live at peace wouldhave tried to excrete gold for him, had God permitted it, this man wasalways surly and crabbed, and no more spared his wife blows, than doesa debtor promises to the bailiff's man. This unpleasant treatmentcontinuing in spite of the carefulness and angelic behaviour of thepoor woman, she being unable to accustom herself to it, was compelledto inform her relations, who thereupon came to the house. When theyarrived, the husband declared to them that his wife was an idiot, thatshe displeased him in every possible way, and made his life almostunbearable; that she would wake him out of his first sleep, never cameto the door when he knocked, but would leave him out in the rain andthe cold, and that the house was always untidy. His garments werebuttonless, his laces wanted tags. The linen was spoiling, the wineturning sour, the wood damp, and the bed was always creaking atunreasonable moments. In short, everything was going wrong. To thistissue of falsehoods, the wife replied by pointing to the clothes andthings, all in a state of thorough repair. Then the sergeant said thathe was very badly treated, that his dinner was never ready for him, orif it was, the broth was thin or the soup cold, either the wine or theglasses were forgotten, the meat was without gravy or parsley, themustard had turned, he either found hairs in the dish or the cloth wasdirty and took away his appetite, indeed nothing did she ever get forhim that was to his liking. The wife, astonished, contented herselfwith stoutly denying the fault imputed to her. 'Ah, ' said he, 'youdirty hussy! You deny it, do you! Very well then, my friends, you comeand dine here to-day, you shall be witnesses of her misconduct. And ifshe can for once serve me properly, I will confess myself wrong in allI have stated, and will never lift my hand against her again, but willresign to her my halberd and my breeches, and give her full authorityhere. '

"'Oh, well, ' said she, joyfully, 'I shall then henceforth be both wifeand mistress!'

"Then the husband, confident of the nature and imperfections of hiswife, desired that the dinner should be served under the vine arbor, thinking that he would be able to shout at her if she did not hurryquickly enough from the table to the pantry. The good housewife set towork with a will. The plates were clean enough to see one's face in, the mustard was fresh and well made, the dinner beautifully cooked, asappetising as stolen fruit; the glasses were clear, the wine was cool, and everything so nice, so clean and white, that the repast would havedone honour to a bishop's chatterbox. Just as she was standing beforethe table, casting that last glance which all good housewives like togive everything, her husband knocked at the door. At that very momenta cursed hen, who had taken it into her head to get on top of thearbor to gorge herself with grapes, let fall a large lump of dirtright in the middle of the cloth. The poor woman was half dead withfright; so great was her despair, she could think of no other way ofremedying the thoughtlessness of the fowl then by covering theunseemly patch with a plate in which she put the fine fruits taken atrandom from her pocket, losing sight altogether of the symmetry of thetable. Then, in order that no one should notice it, she instantlyfetched the soup, seated every one in his place, and begged them toenjoy themselves. 

"Now, all of them seeing everything so well arranged, utteredexclamations of pleasure, except the diabolical husband, who remainedmoody and sullen, knitting his brows and looking for a straw on whichto hang a quarrel with his wife. Thinking it safe to give him one forhimself, her relations being present, she said to him, 'Here's yourdinner, nice and hot, well served, the cloth is clean, thesalt-cellars full, the plates clean, the wine fresh, the bread wellbaked. What is there lacking? What do you require? What do you desire?What else do you want?'

"'Oh, filth!' said he, in a great rage. 

"The good woman instantly lifted the plate, and replied--

"'There you are, my dear!'

"Seeing which, the husband was dumbfounded, thinking that the devilwas in league with his wife. He was immediately gravely reproached bythe relations, who declared him to be in the wrong, abused him, andmade more jokes at his expense than a recorder writes words in amonth. From that time forward the sergeant lived comfortably andpeaceably with his wife, who at the least appearance of temper on hispart, would say to him--

"'Do you want some filth?'"

"Who has told the worst now?" cried the Anjou man, giving the host atap on the shoulder. 

"He has! He has!" said the two others. Then they began to disputeamong themselves, like the holy fathers in council; seeking, bycreating a confusion, throwing the glasses at each other, and jumpingabout, a lucky chance, to make a run of it. 

"I'll settle the question, " cried the host, seeing that whereas theyhad all three been ready with their own accounts, not one of them wasthinking of his. 

They stopped terrified. 

"I will tell you a better one than all, then you will have to give tensols a head. "

"Silence for the landlord, " said the one from Anjou. 

"In our fauborg of Notre-dame la Riche, in which this inn is situated, there lived a beautiful girl, who besides her natural advantages, hada good round sum in her keeping. Therefore, as soon as she was oldenough, and strong enough to bear the matrimonial yoke, she had asmany lovers as there are sols in St. Gatien's money-box on thePaschal-day. The girl chose one who, saving your presence, was as gooda worker, night and day, as any two monks together. They were soonbetrothed, and the marriage was arranged; but the joy of the firstnight did not draw nearer without occasioning some slightapprehensions to the lady, as she was liable, through an infirmity, toexpel vapours, which came out like bombshells. Now, fearing that whenthinking of something else, during the first night, she might give thereins to her eccentricities, she stated the case to her mother, whoseassistance she invoked. That good lady informed her that this facultyof engineering wind was inherent in the family; that in her time shehad been greatly embarrassed by it, but only in the earlier period ofher life. God had been kind to her, and since the age of seven, shehad evaporated nothing except on the last occasion when she hadbestowed upon her dead husband a farewell blow. 'But, ' said she to herdaughter, 'I have ever a sure specific, left to me by my mother, whichbrings these surplus explosions to nothing, and exhales themnoiselessly. By this means these sighs become odourless, and scandalis avoided. '

"The girl, much pleased, learned how to sail close to the wind, thanked her mother, and danced away merrily, storing up her flatulencelike an organ-blower waiting for the first note of mass. Entering thenuptial chamber, she determined to expel it when getting into bed, butthe fantastic element was beyond control. The husband came; I leaveyou to imagine how love's conflict sped. In the middle of the night, the bride arose under a false pretext, and quickly returned again; butwhen climbing into her place, the pent up force went off with such aloud discharge, that you would have thought with me that the curtainswere split. 

"'Ha! I've missed my aim!' said she. 

"''Sdeath, my dear!' I replied, 'then spare your powder. You wouldearn a good living in the army with that artillery. '

"It was my wife. "

"Ha! ha! ha!" went the clerks. 

And they roared with laughter, holding their sides and complimentingtheir host. 

"Did you ever hear a better story, Viscount?"

"Ah, what a story!"

"That is a story!"

"A master story!"

"The king of stories!"

"Ha, ha! It beats all the other stories hollow. After that I say thereare no stories like the stories of our host. "

"By the faith of a Christian, I never heard a better story in mylife. "

"Why, I can hear the report. "

"I should like to kiss the orchestra. "

"Ah! gentlemen, " said the Burgundian, gravely, "we cannot leavewithout seeing the hostess, and if we do not ask to kiss this famouswind-instrument, it is a out of respect for so good a story-teller. "

Thereupon they all exalted the host, his story, and his wife's trumpetso well that the old fellow, believing in these knaves' laughter andpompous eulogies, called to his wife. But as she did not come, theclerks said, not without frustrative intention, "Let us go to her. "

Thereupon they all went out of the room. The host took the candle andwent upstairs first, to light them and show them the way; but seeingthe street door ajar, the rascals took to their heels, and were offlike shadows, leaving the host to take in settlement of his accountanother of his wife's offerings. 

 THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST

Every one knows through what adventure King Francis, the first of thatname, was taken like a silly bird and led into the town of Madrid, inSpain. There the Emperor Charles V. Kept him carefully locked up, likean article of great value, in one of his castles, in the which ourdefunct sire, of immortal memory, soon became listless and weary, seeing that he loved the open air, and his little comforts, and nomore understood being shut up in a cage than a cat would folding uplace. He fell into moods of such strange melancholy that his lettershaving been read in full council, Madame d'Angouleme, his mother;Madame Catherine, the Dauphine, Monsieur de Montmorency, and those whowere at the head of affairs in France knowing the great lechery of theking, determined after mature deliberation, to send Queen Margueriteto him, from whom he would doubtless receive alleviation of hissufferings, that good lady being much loved by him, and merry, andlearned in all necessary wisdom. But she, alleging that it would bedangerous for her soul, because it was impossible for her, withoutgreat danger to be alone with the king in his cell, a sharp secretary, the Sieur de Fizes, was sent to the Court of Rome, with orders to begof the pontiff a papal brief of special indulgences, containing properabsolutions for the petty sins which, looking at their consanguinity, the said queen might commit with a view to cure the king's melancholy. 

At this time, Adrian VI. , the Dutchman, still wore the tiara, who, agood fellow, for the rest did not forget, in spite of the scholasticties which united him to the emperor, that the eldest son of theCatholic Church was concerned in the affair, and was good enough tosend to Spain an express legate, furnished with full powers, toattempt the salvation of the queen's soul, and the king's body, without prejudice to God. This most urgent affair made the gentlemanvery uneasy, and caused an itching in the feet of the ladies, who, from great devotion to the crown, would all have offered to go toMadrid, but for the dark mistrust of Charles the Fifth, who would notgrant the king's permission to any of his subjects, nor even themembers of his family. It was therefore necessary to negotiate thedeparture of the Queen of Navarre. Then, nothing else was spoken aboutbut this deplorable abstinence, and the lack of amorous exercise sovexatious to a prince, who was much accustomed to it. In short, fromone thing to another, the women finished by thinking more of theking's condition, than of the king himself. The queen was the first tosay that she wished she had wings. To this Monseigneur Odet deChatillon replied, that she had no need of them to be an angel. Onethat was Madame l'Amirale, blamed God that it was not possible to sendby a messenger that which the poor king so much required; and everyone of the ladies would have lent it in her turn. 

"God has done very well to fix it, " said the Dauphine, quietly; "forour husbands would leave us rather badly off during their absence. "

So much was said and so much thought upon the subject, that at herdeparture the Queen of all Marguerites was charged, by these goodChristians, to kiss the captive heartily for all the ladies of therealm; and if it had been permissible to prepare pleasure likemustard, the queen would have been laden with enough to sell to thetwo Castiles. 

While Madame Marguerite was, in spite of the snow, crossing themountains, by relays of mule, hurrying on to these consolations as toa fire, the king found himself harder pressed by unsatisfied desirethan he had ever been before, or would be again. In this reverberationof nature, he opened his heart to the Emperor Charles, in order thathe might be provided with a merciful specific, urging upon him that itwould be an everlasting disgrace to one king to let another die forlack of gallantry. The Castilian showed himself to be a generous man. Thinking that he would be able to recuperate himself for the favourgranted out of his guest's ransom, he hinted quietly to the peoplecommissioned to guard the prisoner, that they might gratify him inthis respect. Thereupon a certain Don Hiios de Lara y Lopez Barra diPinto, a poor captain, whose pockets were empty in spite of hisgenealogy, and who had been for some time thinking of seeking hisfortune at the Court of France, fancied that by procuring his majestya soft cataplasm of warm flesh, he would open for himself an honestlyfertile door; and indeed, those who know the character of the goodking and his court, can decide if he deceived himself. 

When the above mentioned captain came in his turn into the chamber ofthe French king, he asked him respectfully if it was his good pleasureto permit him an interrogation on a subject concerning which he was ascurious as about papal indulgences? To which the Prince, casting asidehis hypochondriacal demeanour, and twisting round on the chair inwhich he was seated, gave a sign of consent. The captain begged himnot to be offended at the licence of his language, and confessed tohim, that he the king was said to be one of the most amorous men inFrance, and he would be glad to learn from him if the ladies of thecourt were expert in the adventures of love. The poor king, calling tomind his many adventures, gave vent to a deep-drawn sigh, andexclaimed, that no woman of any country, including those of the moon, knew better than the ladies of France the secrets of this alchemy andat the remembrance of the savoury, gracious, and vigorous fondling ofone alone, he felt himself the man, were she then within his reach, toclasp her to his heart, even on a rotten plank a hundred feet above aprecipice. 

Say which, this good king, a ribald fellow, if ever there was one, shot forth so fiercely life and light from his eyes, that the captain, though a brave man, felt a quaking in his inside so fiercely flamedthe sacred majesty of royal love. But recovering his courage he beganto defend the Spanish ladies, declaring that in Castile alone was loveproperly understood, because it was the most religious place inChristendom, and the more fear the women had of damning themselves byyielding to a lover, the more their souls were in the affair, becausethey knew they must take their pleasure then against eternity. Hefurther added, that if the Lord King would wager one of the best andmost profitable manors in the kingdom of France, he would give him aSpanish night of love, in which a casual queen should, unless he tookcare, draw his soul from his body. 

"Done, " said the king, jumping from his chair. "I'll give thee, byGod, the manor of Ville-aux-Dames in my province of Touraine, withfull privilege of chase, of high and low jurisdiction. "

Then, the captain, who was acquainted with the Donna of the CardinalArchbishop of Toledo requested her to smother the King of France withkindness, and demonstrate to him the great advantage of the Castilianimagination over the simple movement of the French. To which theMarchesa of Amaesguy consented for the honour of Spain, and also forthe pleasure of knowing of what paste God made Kings, a matter inwhich she was ignorant, having experience only of the princes of theChurch. Then she became passionate as a lion that has broken out ofhis cage, and made the bones of the king crack in a manner that wouldhave killed any other man. But the above-named lord was so wellfurnished, so greedy, and so will bitten, he no longer felt a bite;and from this terrible duel the Marchesa emerged abashed, believingshe had the devil to confess. 

The captain, confident in his agent, came to salute his lord, thinkingto do honour for his fief. Thereupon the king said to him, in ajocular manner, that the Spanish ladies were of a passabletemperature, and their system a fair one, but that when gentleness wasrequired they substituted frenzy; that he kept fancying each thrillwas a sneeze, or a case of violence; in short, that the embrace of aFrench woman brought back the drinker more thirsty than ever, tiringhim never; and that with the ladies of his court, love was a gentlepleasure without parallel, and not the labour of a master baker in hiskneading trough. 

The poor captain was strongly piqued at his language. In spite of thenice sense of honour which the king pretended to possess, he fanciedthat his majesty wished to bilk him like a student, stealing a sliceof love at a brothel in Paris. Nevertheless, not knowing for thematter of that, if the Marchesa had not over-spanished the king, hedemanded his revenge from the captive, pledging him his word, that heshould have for certain a veritable fay, and that he would yet gainthe fief. The king was too courteous and gallant a knight to refusethis request, and even made a pretty and right royal speech, intimating his desire to lose the wager. Then, after vespers, theguard passed fresh and warm into the king's chamber, a lady mostdazzlingly white--most delicately wanton, with long tresses and velvethands, filling out her dress at the least movement, for she wasgracefully plump, with a laughing mouth, and eyes moist in advance, awoman to beautify hell, and whose first word had such cordial powerthat the king's garment was cracked by it. On the morrow, after thefair one had slipped out after the king's breakfast, the good captaincame radiant and triumphant into the chamber. 

At sight of him the prisoner then exclaimed--

"Baron de la Ville-aux-Dames! God grant you joys like to mine! I likemy jail! By'r lady, I will not judge between the love of our lands, but pay the wager. "

"I was sure of it, " said the captain. 

"How so?" said the King. 

"Sire, it was my wife. "

This was the origin of Larray de la Ville-aux-Dames in our country, since from corruption of the names, that of Lara-y-Lopez, finished bybecoming Larray. It was a good family, delighting in serving the kingsof France, and it multiplied exceedingly. Soon after, the Queen ofNavarre came in due course to the king, who, weary of Spanish customs, wished to disport himself after the fashion of France; but remainderis not the subject of this narrative. I reserve to myself the right torelate elsewhere how the legate managed to sponge the sin of the thingoff the great slate, and the delicate remark of our Queen ofMarguerites, who merits a saint's niche in this collection; she whofirst concocted such good stories. The morality of this one is easy tounderstand. 

In the first place, kings should never let themselves be taken inbattle any more than their archetype in the game of the Grecian chiefPalamedes. But from this, it appears the captivity of its king is amost calamitous and horrible evil to fall on the populace. If it hadbeen a queen, or even a princess, what worse fate? But I believe thething could not happen again, except with cannibals. Can there ever bea reason for imprisoning the flower of a realm? I think too well ofAshtaroth, Lucifer, and others, to imagine that did they reign, theywould hide the joy of all the beneficent light, at which poorsufferers warm themselves. And it was necessary that the worst ofdevils, _id est_, a wicked old heretic woman, should find herself upona throne, to keep a prisoner sweet Mary of Scotland, to the shame ofall the knights of Christendom, who should have come without previousassignation to the foot of Fotheringay, and have left thereof nosingle stone. 

 THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY

The Abbey of Poissy has been rendered famous by old authors as a placeof pleasure, where the misconduct of the nuns first began, and whenceproceeded so many good stories calculated to make laymen laugh at theexpense of our holy religion. The said abbey by this means becamefertile in proverbs, which none of the clever folks of our dayunderstand, although they sift and chew them in order to digest them. 

If you ask one of them what the _olives of Poissy_ are, they willanswer you gravely that it is a periphrase relating to truffles, andthat the _way to serve them_, of which one formerly spoke, when jokingwith these virtuous maidens, meant a peculiar kind of sauce. That'sthe way the scribblers hit on truth once in a hundred times. To returnto these good recluses, it was said--by way of a joke, of course--thatthey preferred finding a harlot in their chemises to a good woman. Certain other jokers reproached them with imitating the lives of thesaints, in their own fashion, and said that all they admired in Maryof Egypt was her fashion of paying the boatmen. From whence theraillery: To honour the saints after the fashion of Poissy. There isstill the crucifix of Poissy, which kept the stomachs warm; and thematins of Poissy, which concluded with a little chorister. Finally, ofa hearty jade well acquainted with the ways of love, it was said--Sheis a nun of Poissy. That property of a man which he can only lend, wasThe key of the Abbey of Poissy. What the gate of the said abbey wascan easily be guessed. This gate, door, wicket, opening, or road wasalways half open, was easier to open than to shut, and cost much inrepairs. In short, at that period, there was no fresh device in loveinvented, that had not its origin in the good convent of Poissy. Youmay be sure there is a good deal of untruth and hyperbolical emphasis, in these proverbs, jests, jokes, and idle tales. The nuns of the saidPoissy were good young ladies, who now this way, now that, cheated Godto the profit of the devil, as many others did, which was but natural, because our nature is weak; and although they were nuns, they hadtheir little imperfections. They found themselves barren in a certainparticular, hence the evil. But the truth of the matter is, all thesewickednesses were the deeds of an abbess who had fourteen children, all born alive, since they had been perfected at leisure. Thefantastic amours and the wild conduct of this woman, who was of royalblood, caused the convent of Poissy to become fashionable; andthereafter no pleasant adventure happened in the abbeys of Francewhich was not credited to these poor girls, who would have been wellsatisfied with a tenth of them. Then the abbey was reformed, and theseholy sisters were deprived of the little happiness and liberty whichthey had enjoyed. In an old cartulary of the abbey of Turpenay, nearChinon, which in those later troublous times had found a resting placein the library of Azay, where the custodian was only too glad toreceive it, I met with a fragment under the head of The Hours ofPoissy, which had evidently been put together by a merry abbot ofTurpenay for the diversion of his neighbours of Usee, Azay, Mongaugar, Sacchez, and other places of this province. I give them under theauthority of the clerical garb, but altered to my own style, because Ihave been compelled to turn them from Latin into French. I commence:--At Poissy the nuns were accustomed to, when Mademoiselle, the king'sdaughter, their abbess, had gone to bed. .. .. It was she who firstcalled it _faire la petite oie_, to stick to the preliminaries oflove, the prologues, prefaces, protocols, warnings, notices, introductions, summaries, prospectuses, arguments, notices, epigraphs, titles, false-titles, current titles, scholia, marginal remarks, frontispieces, observations, gilt edges, bookmarks, reglets, vignettes, tail pieces, and engravings, without once opening the merrybook to read, re-read, and study to apprehend and comprehend thecontents. And she gathered together in a body all those extra-judiciallittle pleasures of that sweet language, which come indeed from thelips, yet make no noise, and practised them so well, that she died avirgin and perfect in shape. The gay science was after deeply studiedby the ladies of the court, who took lovers for _la petite oie_, others for honour, and at times also certain ones who had over themthe right of high and low jurisdiction, and were masters of everything--a state of things much preferred. But to continue: When thisvirtuous princess was naked and shameless between the sheets, the saidgirls (those whose cheeks were unwrinkled and their hearts gay) wouldsteal noiselessly out of their cells, and hide themselves in that ofone of the sisters who was much liked by all of them. There they wouldhave cosy little chats, enlivened with sweetmeats, pasties, liqueurs, and girlish quarrels, worry their elders, imitating them grotesquely, innocently mocking them, telling stories that made them laugh till thetears came and playing a thousand pranks. At times they would measuretheir feet, to see whose were the smallest, compare the whiteplumpness of their arms, see whose nose had the infirmity of blushingafter supper, count their freckles, tell each other where their skinmarks were situated, dispute whose complexion was the clearest, whosehair the prettiest colour, and whose figure the best. You can imaginethat among these figures sanctified to God there were fine ones, stoutones, lank ones, thin ones, plump ones, supple ones, shrunken ones, and figures of all kinds. Then they would quarrel amongst themselvesas to who took the least to make a girdle, and she who spanned theleast was pleased without knowing why. At times they would relatetheir dreams and what they had seen in them. Often one or two, attimes all of them, had dreamed they had tight hold of the keys of theabbey. Then they would consult each other about their little ailments. One had scratched her finger, another had a whitlow; this one hadrisen in the morning with the white of her eye bloodshot; that one hadput her finger out, telling her beads. All had some little thing thematter with them. 

"Ah! you have lied to our mother; your nails are marked with white, "said one to her neighbour. 

"You stopped a long time at confession this morning, sister, " saidanother. "You must have a good many little sins to confess. "

As there is nothing resembles a pussy-cat so much as a tom-cat, theywould swear eternal friendship, quarrel, sulk, dispute and make it upagain; would be jealous, laugh and pinch, pinch and laugh, and playtricks upon the novices. 

At times they would say, "Suppose a gendarme came here one rainy day, where should we put him?"

"With Sister Ovide; her cell is so big he could get into it with hishelmet on. "

"What do you mean?" cried Sister Ovide, "are not all our cells alike?"

Thereupon the girls burst out laughing like ripe figs. One eveningthey increased their council by a little novice, about seventeen yearsof age, who appeared innocent as a new-born babe, and would have hadthe host without confession. This maiden's mouth had long watered fortheir secret confabulations, little feasts and rejoicings by which thenuns softened the holy captivity of their bodies, and had wept at notbeing admitted to them. 

"Well, " said Sister Ovide to her, "have you had a good night's rest, little one?"

"Oh no!" said she, "I have been bitten by fleas. "

"Ha! you have fleas in your cell? But you must get rid of them atonce. Do you know how the rules of our order enjoin them to be drivenout, so that never again during her conventional life shall a sistersee so much as the tail of one?"

"No, " replied the novice. 

"Well then, I will teach you. Do you see any fleas here? Do you noticeany trace of fleas? Do you smell an odour of fleas? Is there anyappearance of fleas in my cell? Look!"

"I can't find any, " said the little novice, who was Mademoiselle deFiennes, "and smell no odour other than our own. "

"Do as I am about to tell you, and be no more bitten. Directly youfeel yourself pricked, you must strip yourself, lift your chemise, andbe careful not to sin while looking all over your body; think only ofthe cursed flea, looking for it, in good faith, without payingattention to other things; trying only to catch the flea, which is adifficult job, as you may easily be deceived by the little black spotson your skin, which you were born with. Have you any, little one?"

"Yes, " cried she. "I have two dark freckles, one on my shoulder andone on my back, rather low down, but it is hidden in a fold of theflesh. "

"How did you see it?" asked Sister Perpetue. 

"I did not know it. It was Monsieur de Montresor who found it out. "

"Ha, ha!" said the sister, "is that all he saw?"

"He saw everything, " said she, "I was quite little; he was about nineyears old, and we were playing together. .. . "

The nuns hardly being able to restrain their laughter, Sister Ovidewent on--

"The above-mentioned flea will jump from your legs to your eyes, willtry and hide himself in apertures and crevices, will leap from valleyto mountain, endeavouring to escape you; but the rules of the houseorder you courageously to pursue, repeating aves. Ordinarily at thethird ave the beast is taken. "

"The flea?" asked the novice. 

"Certainly the flea, " replied Sister Ovide; "but in order to avoid thedangers of this chase, you must be careful in whatever spot you putyour finger on the beast, to touch nothing else. .. . Then withoutregarding its cries, plaints, groans, efforts, and writhings, and therebellion which frequently it attempts, you will press it under yourthumb or other finger of the hand engaged in holding it, and with theother hand you will search for a veil to bind the flea's eyes andprevent it from leaping, as the beast seeing no longer clearly willnot know where to go. Nevertheless, as it will still be able to biteyou, and will be getting terribly enraged, you must gently open itsmouth and delicately insert therein a twig of the blessed brush thathangs over your pillow. Thus the beast will be compelled to behaveproperly. But remember that the discipline of our order allows you toretain no property, and the beast cannot belong to you. You must takeinto consideration that it is one of God's creatures, and strive torender it more agreeable. Therefore, before all things, it isnecessary to verify three serious things--viz. : If the flea be a male, if it be female, or if it be a virgin; supposing it to be a virgin, which is extremely rare, since these beasts have no morals, are allwild hussies, and yield to the first seducer who comes, you will seizeher hinder feet, and drawing them under her little caparison, you mustbind them with one of your hairs, and carry it to your superior, whowill decide upon its fate after having consulted the chapter. If it bea male--"

"How can one tell that a flea is a virgin? asked the curious novice. 

"First of all, " replied Sister Ovide, "she is sad and melancholy, doesnot laugh like the others, does not bite so sharp, has her mouth lesswide open, blushes when touched--you know where. "

"In that case, " replied the novice, "I have been bitten by a male. "

At this the sisters burst out laughing so heartily that one of themsounded a bass note and voided a little water and Sister Ovidepointing to it on the floor, said--

"You see there's never wind without rain. "

The novice laughed herself, thinking that these chuckles were causedby the sister's exclamation. 

"Now, " went on Sister Ovide, "if it be a male flea, you take yourscissors, or your lover's dagger, if by chance he has given you one asa souvenir, previous to your entry into the convent. In short, furnished with a cutting instrument, you carefully slit open theflanks of the flea. Expect to hear him howl, cough, spit, beg yourpardon; to see him twist about, sweat, make sheep's eyes, and anythingthat may come into his head to put off this operation. But be notastonished; pluck up your courage when thinking that you are actingthus to bring a perverted creature into the ways of salvation. Thenyou will dextrously take the reins, the liver, the heart, the gizzard, and noble parts, and dip them all several times into the holy water, washing and purifying them there, at the same time imploring the HolyGhost to sanctify the interior of the beast. Afterwards you willreplace all these intestinal things in the body of the flea, who willbe anxious to get them back again. Being by this means baptised, thesoul of the creature has become Catholic. Immediately you will get aneedle and thread and sew up the belly of the flea with great care, with such regard and attention as is due to a fellow Christian; youwill even pray for it--a kindness to which you will see it is sensibleby its genuflections and the attentive glances which it will bestowupon you. In short, it will cry no more, and have no further desire tokill you; and fleas are often encountered who die from pleasure atbeing thus converted to our holy religion. You will do the same to allyou catch; and the others perceiving it, after staring at the convert, will go away, so perverse are they, and so terrified at the idea ofbecoming Christians. "

"And they are therefore wicked, " said the novice. "Is there anygreater happiness than to be in the bosom of the Church?"

"Certainly!" answered sister Ursula, "here we are sheltered from thedangers of the world and of love, in which there are so many. "

"Is there any other danger than that of having a child at anunseasonable time?" asked a young sister. 

"During the present reign, " replied Ursula, raising her head, "lovehas inherited leprosy, St Anthony's fire, the Ardennes' sickness, andthe red rash, and has heaped up all the fevers, agonies, drugs andsufferings of the lot in his pretty mortar, to draw out therefrom aterrible compound, of which the devil has given the receipt, luckilyfor convents, because there are a great number of frightened ladies, who become virtuous for fear of this love. "

Thereupon they huddled up close together, alarmed at these words, butwishing to know more. 

"And is it enough to love, to suffer?" asked a sister. 

"Oh, yes!" cried Sister Ovide. 

"You love just for one little once a pretty gentleman, " repliedUrsula, "and you have the chance of seeing your teeth go one by one, your hair fall off, your cheeks grow pallid, and your eyebrows drop, and the disappearance of your prized charms will cost you many a sigh. There are poor women who have scabs come upon their noses, and otherswho have a horrid animal with a hundred claws, which gnaws theirtenderest parts. The Pope has at last been compelled to excommunicatethis kind of love. "

"Ah! how lucky I am to have had nothing of that sort, " cried thenovice. 

Hearing this souvenir of love, the sisters suspected that the littleone had gone astray through the heat of a crucifix of Poissy, and hadbeen joking with the Sister Ovide, and drawing her out. Allcongratulated themselves on having so merry a jade in their company, and asked her to what adventure they were indebted for that pleasure. 

"Ah!" said she, "I let myself be bitten by a big flea, who had alreadybeen baptised. "

At this speech, the sister of the bass note could not restrain asecond sign. 

"Ah!" said Sister Ovide, "you are bound to give us the third. If youspoke that language in the choir, the abbess would diet you likeSister Petronille; so put a sordine in your trumpet. "

"Is it true that you knew in her lifetime that Sister Petronille onwhom God bestowed the gift of only going twice a year to the bank ofdeposit?" asked Sister Ursula. 

"Yes, " replied Ovide. "And one evening it happened she had to remainenthroned until matins, saying, 'I am here by the will of God. ' But atthe first verse, she was delivered, in order that she should not missthe office. Nevertheless, the late abbess would not allow that thiswas an especial favour, granted from on high, and said that God didnot look so low. Here are the facts of the case. Our defunct sister, whose canonisation the order are now endeavouring to obtain at thecourt of the Pope, and would have had it if they could have paid theproper costs of the papal brief; this Petronille, then, had anambition to have her name included in the Calendar of Saints, whichwas in no way prejudicial to our order. She lived in prayer alone, would remain in ecstasy before the altar of the virgin, which is onthe side of the fields, and pretend so distinctly to hear the angelsflying in Paradise, that she was able to hum the tunes they weresinging. You all know that she took from them the chant Adoremus, ofwhich no man could have invented a note. She remained for days withher eyes fixed like the star, fasting, and putting no more nourishmentinto her body that I could into my eye. She had made a vow never totaste meat, either cooked or raw, and ate only a crust of bread a day;but on great feast days she would add thereto a morsel of salt fish, without any sauce. On this diet she became dreadfully thin, yellow andsaffron, and dry as an old bone in a cemetery; for she was of anardent disposition, and anyone who had had the happiness of knockingup against her, would have drawn fire as from a flint. However, littleas she ate, she could not escape an infirmity to which, luckily orunluckily, we are all more or less subject. If it were otherwise, weshould be very much embarrassed. The affair in question, is theobligation of expelling after eating, like all the other animals, matter more or less agreeable, according to constitution. Now SisterPetronille differed from all others, because she expelled matter suchas is left by a deer, and these are the hardest substances that anygizzard produces, as you must know, if you have ever put your footupon them in the forest glade, and from their hardness they are calledbullets in the language of forestry. This peculiarity of SisterPetronille's was not unnatural, since long fasts kept her temperamentat a permanent heat. According to the old sisters, her nature was soburning, that when water touched her, she went frist! like a hot coal. There are sisters who have accused her of secretly cooking eggs, inthe night, between her toes, in order to support her austerities. Butthese were scandals, invented to tarnish this great sanctity of whichall the other nunneries were jealous. Our sister was piloted in theway of salvation and divine perfection by the Abbot of St. Germaine-des-Pres de Paris--a holy man, who always finished hisInjunctions with a last one, which was to offer to God all ourtroubles, and submit ourselves to His will, since nothing happenedwithout His express commandment. This doctrine, which appears wise atfirst sight, has furnished matter for great controversies, and hasbeen finally condemned on the statement of the Cardinal of Chatillon, who declared that then there would be no such thing as sin, whichwould considerably diminish the revenues of the Church. But SisterPetronille lived imbued with this feeling, without knowing the dangerof it. After Lent, and the fasts of the great jubilee, for the firsttime for eight months she had need to go to the little room, and to itshe went. There, bravely lifting her dress, she put herself into aposition to do that which we poor sinners do rather oftener. ButSister Petronille could only manage to expectorate the commencement ofthe thing, which kept her puffing without the remainder making up itsmind to follow. In spite of every effort, pursing of the lips andsqueezing of body, her guest preferred to remain in her blessed body, merely putting his head out of the window, like a frog taking the air, and felt no inclination to fall into the vale of misery among theothers, alleging that he would not be there in the odour of sanctity. And his idea was a good one for a simple lump of dirt like himself. The good saint having used all methods of coercion, havingoverstretched her muscles, and tried the nerves of her thin face tillthey bulged out, recognised the fact that no suffering in the worldwas so great, and her anguish attaining the apogee of sphincterialterrors, she exclaimed, 'Oh! my God, to Thee I offer it!' At thisorison, the stoney matter broke off short, and fell like a flintagainst the wall of the privy, making a croc, croc, crooc, paf! Youcan easily understand, my sisters, that she had no need of atorch-cul, and drew back the remainder. "

"Then did she see angels?" asked one. 

"Have they a behind?" asked another. 

"Certainly not, " said Ursula. "Do you not know that one generalmeeting day, God having ordered them to be seated, they answered Himthat they had not the wherewithal. "

Thereupon they went off to bed, some alone, others nearly alone. Theywere good girls, who harmed only themselves. 

I cannot leave them without relating an adventure which took place intheir house, when Reform was passing a sponge over it, and making themall saints, as before stated. At that time, there was in the episcopalchair of Paris a veritable saint, who did not brag about what he did, and cared for naught but the poor and suffering, whom the dear oldBishop lodged in his heart, neglecting his own interests for theirs, and seeking out misery in order that he might heal it with words, withhelp, with attentions, and with money, according to the case: as readyto solace the rich in their misfortunes as the poor, patching up theirsouls and bringing them back to God; and tearing about hither andthither, watching his troop, the dear shepherd! Now the good man wentabout careless of the state of his cassocks, mantles, and breeches, sothat the naked members of the church were covered. He was socharitable that he would have pawned himself to save an infidel fromdistress. His servants were obliged to look after him carefully. Ofttimes he would scold them when they changed unasked his tatteredvestments for new; and he used to have them darned and patched, aslong as they would hold together. Now this good archbishop knew thatthe late Sieur de Poissy had left a daughter, without a sou or a rag, after having eaten, drunk, and gambled away her inheritance. This pooryoung lady lived in a hovel, without fire in winter or cherries inspring; and did needlework, not wishing either to marry beneath her orsell her virtue. Awaiting the time when he should be able to find ayoung husband for her, the prelate took it into his head to send herthe outside case of one to mend, in the person of his old breeches, atask which the young lady, in her present position, would be glad toundertake. One day that the archbishop was thinking to himself that hemust go to the convent of Poissy, to see after the reformed inmates, he gave to one of his servants, the oldest of his nether garments, which was sorely in need of stitches, saying, "Take this, Saintot, tothe young ladies of Poissy, " meaning to say, "the young lady ofPoissy. " Thinking of affairs connected with the cloister, he did notinform his varlet of the situation of the lady's house; her desperatecondition having been by him discreetly kept a secret. Saintot tookthe breeches and went his way towards Poissy, gay as a grasshopper, stopping to chat with friends he met on the way, slaking his thirst atthe wayside inns, and showing many things to the breeches during thejourney that might hereafter be useful to them. At last he arrived atthe convent, and informed the abbess that his master had sent him togive her these articles. When the varlet departed, leaving with thereverend mother, the garment accustomed to model in relief thearchiepiscopal proportions of the continent nature of the good man, according to the fashion of the period, beside the image of thosethings of which the Eternal Father had deprived His angels, and whichin the good prelate did not want for amplitude. Madame the abbesshaving informed the sisters of the precious message of the goodarchbishop they came in haste, curious and hustling, as ants intowhose republic a chestnut husk has fallen. When they undid thebreeches, which gaped horribly, they shrieked out, covering their eyeswith one hand, in great fear of seeing the devil come out, the abbessexclaiming, "Hide yourselves my daughters! This is the abode of mortalsin!"

The mother of the novices, giving a little look between her fingers, revived the courage of the holy troop, swearing by an Ave that noliving head was domiciled in the breeches. Then they all blushed attheir ease, while examining this habitavit, thinking that perhaps thedesire of the prelate was that they should discover therein some sageadmonition or evangelical parable. Although this sight caused certainravages in the hearts of those most virtuous maidens, they paid littleattention to the flutterings of their reins, but sprinkling a littleholy water in the bottom of the abyss, one touched it, another passedher finger through a hole, and grew bolder looking at it. It has evenbeen pretended that, their first stir over, the abbess found a voicesufficiently firm to say, "What is there at the bottom of this? Withwhat idea has our father sent us that which consummates the ruin ofwomen?"

"It's fifteen years, dear mother, since I have been permitted to gazeupon the demon's den. "

"Silence, my daughter. You prevent me thinking what is best to bedone. "

Then so much were these archiepiscopal breeches turned and twistedabout, admired and re-admired, pulled here, pulled there, and turnedinside out--so much were they talked about, fought about, thoughtabout, dreamed about, night and day, that on the morrow a littlesister said, after having sung the matins, to which the convent had averse and two responses--"Sisters, I have found out the parable of thearchbishop. He has sent us as a mortification his garment to mend, asa holy warning to avoid idleness, the mother abbess of all the vices. "

Thereupon there was a scramble to get hold of the breeches; but theabbess, using her high authority, reserved to herself the meditationover this patchwork. She was occupied during ten days, praying, andsewing the said breeches, lining them with silk, and making doublehems, well sewn, and in all humility. Then the chapter beingassembled, it was arranged that the convent should testify by a prettysouvenir to the said archbishop their delight that he thought of hisdaughters in God. Then all of them, to the very youngest, had to dosome work on these blessed breeches, in order to do honour to thevirtue of the good man. 

Meanwhile the prelate had had so much to attend to, that he hadforgotten all about his garment. This is how it came about. He madethe acquaintance of a noble of the court, who, having lost his wife--ashe-fiend and sterile--said to the good priest, that he had a greatambition to meet with a virtuous woman, confiding in God, with whom hewas not likely to quarrel, and was likely to have pretty children. Such a one he desired to hold by the hand, and have confidence in. Then the holy man drew such a picture of Mademoiselle de Poissy, thatthis fair one soon became Madame de Genoilhac. The wedding wascelebrated at the archiepiscopal palace, where was a feast of thefirst quality and a table bordered with ladies of the highest lineage, and the fashionable world of the court, among whom the bride appearedthe most beautiful, since it has certain that she was a virgin, thearchbishop guaranteeing her virtue. 

When the fruit, conserves, and pastry were with many ornamentsarranged on the cloth, Saintot said to the archbishop, "Monseigneur, your well-beloved daughters of Poissy send you a fine dish for thecentre. "

"Put it there, " said the good man, gazing with admiration at anedifice of velvet and satin, embroidered with fine ribbon, in theshape of an ancient vase, the lid of which exhaled a thousandsuperfine odours. 

Immediately the bride, uncovering it, found therein sweetmeats, cakes, and those delicious confections to which the ladies are so partial. But of one of them--some curious devotee--seeing a little piece ofsilk, pulled it towards her, and exposed to view the habitation of thehuman compass, to the great confusion of the prelate, for laughterrang round the table like a discharge of artillery. 

"Well have they made the centre dish, " said the bridegroom. "Theseyoung ladies are of good understanding. Therein are all the sweets ofmatrimony. "

Can there be any better moral than that deduced by Monsieur deGenoilhac? Then no other is needed. 

 HOW THE CHATEAU D'AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT

Jehan, son of Simon Fourniez, called Simonnin, a citizen of Tours--originally of the village of Moulinot, near to Beaune, whence, inimitation of certain persons, he took the name when he became stewardto Louis the Eleventh--had to fly one day into Languedoc with hiswife, having fallen into great disgrace, and left his son Jacquespenniless in Touraine. This youth, who possessed nothing in the worldexcept his good looks, his sword, and spurs, but whom worn-out old menwould have considered very well off, had in his head a firm intentionto save his father, and make his fortune at the court, then holden inTouraine. At early dawn this good Tourainian left his lodging, and, enveloped in his mantle, all except his nose, which he left open tothe air, and his stomach empty, walked about the town without anytrouble of digestion. He entered the churches, thought them beautiful, looked into the chapels, flicked the flies from the pictures, andcounted the columns all after the manner of a man who knew not what todo with his time or his money. At other times he feigned to recite hispaternosters, but really made mute prayers to the ladies, offered themholy water when leaving, followed them afar off, and endeavoured bythese little services to encounter some adventure, in which at theperil of his life he would find for himself a protector or a graciousmistress. He had in his girdle two doubloons which he spared far morethan his skin, because that would be replaced, but the doubloonsnever. Each day he took from his little hoard the price of a roll anda few apples, with which he sustained life, and drank at his will andhis discretion of the water of the Loire. This wholesome and prudentdiet, besides being good for his doubloons, kept him frisky and lightas a greyhound, gave him a clear understanding and a warm heart forthe water of the Loire is of all syrups the most strengthening, because having its course afar off it is invigorated by its long run, through many strands, before it reaches Tours. So you may be sure thatthe poor fellow imagined a thousand and one good fortunes and luckyadventures, and what is more, almost believed them true. Oh! The goodtimes! One evening Jacques de Beaune (he kept the name although he wasnot lord of Beaune) was walking along the embankment, occupied incursing his star and everything, for his last doubloon was with scantrespect upon the point of quitting him; when at the corner of a littlestreet, he nearly ran against a veiled lady, whose sweet odourgratified his amorous senses. This fair pedestrian was bravely mountedon pretty pattens, wore a beautiful dress of Italian velvet, with wideslashed satin sleeves; while as a sign of her great fortune, throughher veil a white diamond of reasonable size shone upon her foreheadlike the rays of the setting sun, among her tresses, which weredelicately rolled, built up, and so neat, that they must have takenher maids quite three hours to arrange. She walked like a lady who wasonly accustomed to a litter. One of her pages followed her, wellarmed. She was evidently some light o'love belonging to a noble ofhigh rank or a lady of the court, since she held her dress high offthe ground, and bent her back like a woman of quality. Lady orcourtesan she pleased Jacques de Beaune, who, far from turning up hisnose at her, conceived the wild idea of attaching himself to her forlife. With this in view he determined to follow her in order toascertain whither she would lead him--to Paradise or to the limbo ofhell--to a gibbet or to an abode of love. Anything was a glean of hopeto him in the depth of his misery. The lady strolled along the bank ofthe Loire towards Plessis inhaling like a fish the fine freshness ofthe water, toying, sauntering like a little mouse who wishes to seeand taste everything. When the page perceived that Jacques de Beaunepersistently followed his mistress in all her movements, stopped whenshe stopped, and watched her trifling in a bare-faced fashion, as ifhe had a right so to do, he turned briskly round with a savage andthreatening face, like that of a dog whose says, "Stand back, sir!"But the good Tourainian had his wits about him. Believing that if acat may look at king, he, a baptised Christian, might certainly lookat a pretty woman, he stepped forward, and feigning to grin at thepage, he strutted now behind and now before the lady. She saidnothing, but looked at the sky, which was putting on its nightcap, thestars, and everything which could give her pleasure. So things wenton. At last, arrived outside Portillon, she stood still, and in orderto see better, cast her veil back over her shoulder, and in so doingcast upon the youth the glance of a clever woman who looks round tosee if there is any danger of being robbed. I may tell you thatJacques de Beaune was a thorough ladies' man, could walk by the sideof a princess without disgracing her, had a brave and resolute airwhich please the sex, and if he was a little browned by the sun frombeing so much in the open air, his skin would look white enough underthe canopy of a bed. The glance, keen as a needle, which the ladythrew him, appeared to him more animated than that with which shewould have honoured her prayer-book. Upon it he built the hope of awindfall of love, and resolved to push the adventure to the very edgeof the petticoat, risking to go still further, not only his lips, which he held of little count, but his two ears and something elsebesides. He followed into the town the lady, who returned by the Ruedes Trois-Pucelles, and led the gallant through a labyrinth of littlestreets, to the square in which is at the present time situated theHotel de la Crouzille. There she stopped at the door of a splendidmansion, at which the page knocked. A servant opened it, and the ladywent in and closed the door, leaving the Sieur de Beaune open-mouthed, stupefied, and as foolish as Monseigneur St. Denis when he was tryingto pick up his head. He raised his nose in the air to see if sometoken of favour would be thrown to him, and saw nothing except a lightwhich went up the stairs, through the rooms, and rested before a finewindow, where probably the lady was also. You can believe that thepoor lover remained melancholy and dreaming, and not knowing what todo. The window gave a sudden creak and broke his reverie. Fancyingthat his lady was about to call him, he looked up again, and but forthe friendly shelter of the balcony, which was a helmet to him, hewould have received a stream of water and the utensil which containedit, since the handle only remained in the grasp of the person whodelivered the deluge. Jacques de Beaune, delighted at this, did notlose the opportunity, but flung himself against the wall, crying "I amkilled, " with a feeble voice. Then stretching himself upon thefragments of broken china, he lay as if dead, awaiting the issue. Theservants rushed out in a state of alarm, fearing their mistress, towhom they had confessed their fault, and picked up the wounded man, who could hardly restrain his laughter at being then carried up thestairs. 

"He is cold, " said the page. 

"He is covered with blood, " said the butler, who while feeling hispulse had wetted his hand. 

"If he revives, " said the guilty one, "I will pay for a mass to St. Gatien. "

"Madame takes after her late father, and if she does not have theehanged, the least mitigation of thy penalty will be that thou wilt bekicked out of her house and service, " said another. "Certes, he's deadenough, he is so heavy. "

"Ah! I am in the house of a very great lady, " thought Jacques. 

"Alas! is he really dead?" demanded the author of the calamity. Whilewith great labour the Tourainian was being carried up the stairs, hisdoublet caught on a projection, and the dead man cried, "Ah, mydoublet!"

"He groans, " said the culprit, with a sigh of relief. The Regent'sservants (for this was the house of the Regent, the daughter of KingLouis XI. Of virtuous memory) brought Jacques de Beaune into a room, and laid him stiff and stark upon a table, not thinking for a momentthat he could be saved. 

"Run and fetch a surgeon, " cried Madame de Beaujeu. "Run here, runthere!"

The servants were down the stairs in a trice. The good lady Regentdispatched her attendants for ointment, for linen to bind the wounds, for goulard-water, for so many things, that she remained alone. Gazingupon this splendid and senseless man, she cried aloud, admiring hispresence and his features, handsome even in death. "Ah! God wishes topunish me. Just for one little time in my life has there been born inme, and taken possession of me, a naughty idea, and my patron saint isangry, and deprives me of the sweetest gentleman I have ever seen. Bythe rood, and by the soul of my father, I will hang every man who hashad a hand in this!"

"Madame, " cried Jacques de Beaune, springing from the table, andfalling at the feet of the Regent, "I will live to serve you, and amso little bruised that that I promise you this night as many joys asthere are months in the year, in imitation of the Sieur Hercules, apagan baron. For the last twenty days, " he went on (thinking thatmatters would be smoothed by a little lying), "I have met you againand again. I fell madly in love with you, yet dared not, by reason ofmy great respect for your person, make an advance. You can imagine howintoxicated I must have been with your royal beauties, to haveinvented the trick to which I owe the happiness of being at yourfeet. "

Thereupon he kissed her amorously, and gave her a look that would haveovercome any scruples. The Regent, by means of time, which respectsnot queens, was, as everyone knows, in her middle age. In thiscritical and autumnal season, women formally virtuous and lovelessdesire now here, now there, to enjoy, unknown to the world, certainhours of love, in order that they may not arrive in the other worldwith hands and heart alike empty, through having left the fruit of thetree of knowledge untasted. The lady of Beaujeu, without appearing tobe astonished while listening to the promises of this young man, sinceroyal personages ought to be accustomed to having them by dozens, keptthis ambitious speech in the depths of her memory or of her registryof love, which caught fire at his words. Then she raised theTourainian, who still found in his misery the courage to smile at hismistress, who had the majesty of a full-blown rose, ears like shoes, and the complexion of a sick cat, but was so well-dressed, so fine infigure, so royal of foot, and so queenly in carriage, that he mightstill find in this affair means to gain his original object. 

"Who are you?" said the Regent, putting on the stern look of herfather. 

"I am your very faithful subject, Jacques de Beaune, son of yoursteward, who has fallen into disgrace in spite of his faithfulservices. "

"Ah, well!" replied the lady, "lay yourself on the table again. I hearsomeone coming; and it is not fit that my people should think me youraccomplice in this farce and mummery. "

The good fellow perceived, by the soft sound of her voice, that he waspardoned the enormity of his love. He lay down upon the table again, and remembered how certain lords had ridden to court in an old stirrup--a thought which perfectly reconciled him to his present position. 

"Good, " said the Regent to her maid-servants, "nothing is needed. Thisgentleman is better; thanks to heaven and the Holy Virgin, there willhave been no murder in my house. "

Thus saying, she passed her hand through the locks of the lover whohad fallen to her from the skies, and taking a little reviving watershe bathed his temples, undid his doublet, and under pretence ofaiding his recovery, verified better than an expert how soft and youngwas the skin on this young fellow and bold promiser of bliss, and allthe bystanders, men and women, were amazed to see the Regent act thus. But humanity never misbecomes those of royal blood. Jacques stood up, and appeared to come to his senses, thanked the Regent most humbly, and dismissed the physicians, master surgeons, and other imps inblack, saying that he had thoroughly recovered. Then he gave his name, and saluting Madame de Beaujeu, wished to depart, as though afraid ofher on account of his father's disgrace, but no doubt horrified at histerrible vow. 

"I cannot permit it, " said she. "Persons who come to my house shouldnot meet with such treatment as you have encountered. The Sieur deBeaune will sup here, " she added to her major domo. "He who has sounduly insulted him will be at his mercy if he makes himself knownimmediately; otherwise, I will have him found out and hanged by theprovost. "

Hearing this, the page who had attended the lady during her promenadestepped forward. 

"Madame, " said Jacques, "at my request pray both pardon and rewardhim, since to him I owe the felicity of seeing you, the favour ofsupping in your company, and perhaps that of getting my fatherre-established in the office to which it pleased your gloriousfather to appoint him. "

"Well said, " replied the Regent. "D'Estouteville, " said she, turningtowards the page, "I give thee command of a company of archers. Butfor the future do not throw things out of the window. "

Then she, delighted with de Beaune, offered him her hand, and led himmost gallantly into her room, where they conversed freely togetherwhile supper was being prepared. There the Sieur Jacques did not failto exhibit his talents, justify his father, and raise himself in theestimation of the lady, who, as is well known, was like a father indisposition, and did everything at random. Jacques de Beaune thoughtto himself that it would be rather difficult for him to remain allnight with the Regent. Such matters are not so easily arranged as theamours of cats, who have always a convenient refuge upon the housetopsfor their moments of dalliance. So he rejoiced that he was known tothe Regent without being compelled to fulfil his rash promise, sincefor this to be carried out it was necessary that the servants andothers should be out of the way, and her reputation safe. Nevertheless, suspecting the powers of intrigue of the good lady, attimes he would ask himself if he were equal to the task. But beneaththe surface of conversation, the same thing was in the mind of theRegent, who had already managed affairs quite as difficult, and shebegan most cleverly to arrange the means. She sent for one of hersecretaries, an adept in all arts necessary for the perfect governmentof a kingdom, and ordered him to give her secretly a false messageduring the supper. Then came the repast, which the lady did not touch, since her heart had swollen like a sponge, and so diminished herstomach, for she kept thinking of this handsome and desirable man, having no appetite save for him. Jacques did not fail to make a goodmeal for many reasons. The messenger came, madame began to storm, andto knit her brows after the manner of the late king, and to say, "Isthere never to be peace in this land? Pasques Dieu! can we not haveone quiet evening?" Then she rose and strode about the room. "Hothere! My horse! Where is Monsieur de Vieilleville, my squire? Ah, heis in Picardy. D'Estouteville, you will rejoin me with my household atthe Chateau d'Amboise. .. . " And looking at Jacques, she said, "Youshall be my squire, Sieur de Beaune. You wish to serve the state. Theoccasion is a good one. Pasques Dieu! come! There are rebels tosubdue, and faithful knights are needed. "

In less time than an old beggar would have taken to say thank you, thehorses were bridled, saddled, and ready. Madame was on her mare, andthe Tourainian at her side, galloping at full speed to her castle atAmboise, followed by the men-at-arms. To be brief and come to thefacts without further commentary, the De Beaune was lodged not twentyyards from Madame, far from prying eyes. The courtiers and thehousehold, much astonished, ran about inquiring from what quarter thedanger might be expected; but our hero, taken at his word, knew wellenough where to find it. The virtue of the Regent, well known in thekingdom, saved her from suspicion, since she was supposed to be asimpregnable as the Chateau de Peronne. At curfew, when everything wasshut, both ears and eyes, and the castle silent, Madame de Beaujeusent away her handmaid, and called for her squire. The squire came. Then the lady and the adventurer sat side by side upon a velvet couch, in the shadow of a lofty fireplace, and the curious Regent, with atender voice, asked of Jacques "Are you bruised? It was very wrong ofme to make a knight, wounded by one on my servants, ride twelve miles. I was so anxious about it that I would not go to bed without havingseen you. Do you suffer?"

"I suffer with impatience, " said he of the dozen, thinking it wouldnot do to appear reluctant. "I see well, " continued he, "my noble andbeautiful mistress, that your servant has found favour in your sight. "

"There, there!" replied she; "did you not tell a story when yousaid--"

"What?" said he. 

"Why, that you had followed me dozens of times to churches, and otherplaces to which I went. "

"Certainly, " said he. 

"I am astonished, " replied the Regent, "never to have seen until todaya noble youth whose courage is so apparent in his countenance. I amnot ashamed of that which you heard me say when I believed you dead. You are agreeable to me, you please me, and you wish to do well. "

Then the hour of the dreaded sacrifice having struck, Jacques fell atthe knees of the Regent, kissed her feet, her hands, and everything, it is said; and while kissing her, previous to retirement, proved bymany arguments to the aged virtue of his sovereign, that a ladybearing the burden of the state had a perfect right to enjoy herself--a theory which was not directly admitted by the Regent, whodetermined to be forced, in order to throw the burden of this sin uponher lover. This notwithstanding, you may be sure that she had highlyperfumed and elegantly attired herself for the night, and shone withdesire for embraces, for desire lent her a high colour which greatlyimproved her complexion; and in spite of her feeble resistance she was, like a young girl, carried by assault in her royal couch, where thegood lady and her young dozener, embraced each other. Then from play toquarrel, quarrel to riot, from riot to ribaldry, from thread to needle, the Regent declared that she believed more in the virginity of the HolyMary than in the promised dozen. Now, by chance, Jacques de Beaune didnot find this great lady so very old between the sheets, sinceeverything is metamorphosed by the light of the lamps of the night. Many women of fifty by day are twenty at midnight, as others aretwenty at mid-day and a hundred after vespers. Jacques, happier atthis sight than at that of the King on a hanging day, renewed hisundertaking. Madame, herself astonished, promised every assistance onher part. The manor of Azay-le-Brule, with a good title thereto, sheundertook to confer upon her cavalier, as well as the pardon of hisfather, if from this encounter she came forth vanquished, then theclever fellows said to himself, "This is to save my father frompunishment! this for the fief! this for the letting and selling! thisfor the forest of Azay! item for the right of fishing! another for theIsles of the Indre! this for the meadows! I may as well release fromconfiscation our land of La Carte, so dearly bought by my father! Oncemore for a place at court!" Arriving without hindrance at this point, he believed his dignity involved, and fancied that having France underhim, it was a question of the honour of the crown. In short, at thecost of a vow which he made to his patron, Monsieur St. Jacques, tobuild him a chapel at Azay, he presented his liege homage to theRegent eleven clear, clean, limpid, and genuine periphrases. Concerning the epilogue of this slow conversation, the Tourainian hadthe great self-confidence to wish excellently to regale the Regent, keeping for her on her waking the salute of an honest man, as it wasnecessary for the lord of Azay to thank his sovereign, which waswisely thought. But when nature is oppressed, she acts like a spiritedhorse, lays down, and will die under the whip sooner than move untilit pleases her to rise reinvigorated. Thus, when in the morning theseignior of the castle of Azay desired to salute the daughter of KingLouis XI. , he was constrained, in spite of his courtesy, to make thesalute as royal salutes should be made--with blank cartridge only. Therefore the Regent, after getting up, and while she was breakfastingwith Jacques, who called himself the legitimate Lord of Azay, seizedthe occasion of this insufficiency to contradict her esquire, andpretend, that as he had not gained his wager, he had not earned themanor. 

"Ventre-Saint-Paterne! I have been near enough, " said Jacques. "But mydear lady and noble sovereign it is not proper for either you or me tojudge in this cause. The case being an allodial case, must be broughtbefore your council, since the fief of Azay is held from the crown. "

"Pasques dieu!" replied the Regent with a forced laugh. "I give youthe place of the Sieur de Vieilleville in my house. Don't troubleabout your father. I will give you Azay, and will place you in a royaloffice if you can, without injury to my honour, state the case in fullcouncil; but if one word falls to the damage of my reputation as avirtuous women, I--"

"May I be hanged, " said Jacques, turning the thing into a joke, because there was a shade of anger in the face of Madame de Beaujeu. 

In fact, the daughter of King Louis thought more of her royalty thanof the roguish dozen, which she considered as nothing, since fancyingshe had had her night's amusement without loosening her purse-strings, she preferred the difficult recital of his claim to another dozenoffered her by the Tourainian. 

"Then, my lady, " replied her good companion, "I shall certainly beyour squire. "

The captains, secretaries, and other persons holding office under theregency, astonished at the sudden departure of Madame de Beaujeu, learned the cause of her anxiety, and came in haste to the castle ofAmboise to discover whence preceded the rebellion, and were inreadiness to hold a council when her Majesty had arisen. She calledthem together, not to be suspected of having deceived them, and gavethem certain falsehoods to consider, which they considered mostwisely. At the close of the sitting, came the new squire to accompanyhis mistress. Seeing the councillors rising, the bold Tourainianbegged them to decide a point of law which concerned both himself andthe property of the Crown. 

"Listen to him, " said the Regent. "He speaks truly. "

Then Jacques de Beaune, without being nervous at the sight of thisaugust court, spoke as follows, or thereabouts:--"Noble Lords, I begyou, although I am about to speak to you of walnut shells, to giveyour attention to this case, and pardon me the trifling nature of mylanguage. One lord was walking with another in a fruit garden, andnoticed a fine walnut tree, well planted, well grown, worth lookingat, worth keeping, although a little empty; a nut tree always fresh, sweet-smelling, the tree which you would not leave if you once saw it, a tree of love which seemed the tree of good and evil, forbidden bythe Lord, through which were banished our mother Eve and the gentlemanher husband. Now, my lords, this said walnut tree was the subject of aslight dispute between the two, and one of those many wagers which areoccasionally made between friends. The younger boasted that he couldthrow twelve times through it a stick which he had in his hand at thetime--as many people have who walk in a garden--and with each flightof the stick he would send a nut to the ground--"

"That is, I believe the knotty point of the case, " said Jacquesturning towards the Regent. 

"Yes, gentlemen, " replied she, surprised at the craft of her squire. 

"The other wagered to the contrary, " went on the pleader. "Now thefirst named throws his stick with such precision of aim, so gently, and so well that both derived pleasure therefrom, and by the joyousprotection of the saints, who no doubt were amused spectators, witheach throw there fell a nut; in fact, there fell twelve. But by chancethe last of the fallen nuts was empty, and had no nourishing pulp fromwhich could have come another nut tree, had the gardener planted it. Has the man with the stick gained his wager? Judge. "

"The thing is clear enough, " said Messire Adam Fumee, a Tourainian, who at that time was the keeper of the seals. "There is only one thingfor the other to do. "

"What is that?" said the Regent. 

"To pay the wager, Madame. "

"He is rather too clever, " said she, tapping her squire on the cheek. "He will be hanged one of these days. "

She meant it as a joke, but these words were the real horoscope of thesteward, who mounted the gallows by the ladder of royal favour, through the vengeance of another old woman, and the notorious treasonof a man of Ballan, his secretary, whose fortune he had made, andwhose name was Prevost, and not Rene Gentil, as certain persons havewrongly called him. The Ganelon and bad servant gave, it is said, toMadame d'Angouleme, the receipt for the money which had been given himby Jacques de Beaune, then become Baron of Samblancay, lord of LaCarte and Azay, and one of the foremost men in the state. Of his twosons, one was Archbishop of Tours the other Minister of Finance andGovernor of Touraine. But this is not the subject of the presenthistory. 

Now that which concerns the present narrative, is that Madame deBeaujeu, to whom the pleasure of love had come rather late in the day, well pleased with the great wisdom and knowledge of public affairswhich her chance lover possessed, made him Lord of the Privy Purse, inwhich office he behaved so well, and added so much to the contents ofit, that his great renown procured for him one day the handling of therevenues which he superintended and controlled most admirably, andwith great profit to himself, which was but fair. The good Regent paidthe bet, and handed over to her squire the manor of Azay-le-Brule, ofwhich the castle had long before been demolished by the firstbombardiers who came from Touraine, as everyone knows. For thispowdery miracle, but for the intervention of the king, the saidengineers would have been condemned as heretics and abettors of Satan, by the ecclesiastical tribune of the chapter. 

At this time there was being built with great care by Messire Bohier, Minister of Finance, the Castle of Chenonceaux, which as a curiosityand novel design, was placed right across the river Cher. 

Now the Baron de Samblancay, wishing to oppose the said Bohier, determined to lay the foundation of this at the bottom of the Indre, where it still stands, the gem of this fair green valley, so solidlywas it placed upon the piles. It cost Jacques de Beaune thirtythousand crowns, not counting the work done by his vassals. You maytake it for granted this castle was one of the finest, prettiest, mostexquisite and most elaborate castles of our sweet Touraine, and lavesitself in the Indre like a princely creature, gayly decked withpavilions and lace curtained windows, with fine weather-beatensoldiers on her vanes, turning whichever way the wind blows, as allsoldiers do. But Samblancay was hanged before it was finished, andsince that time no one has been found with sufficient money tocomplete it. Nevertheless, his master, King Francis the First, wasonce his guest, and the royal chamber is still shown there. When theking was going to bed, Samblancay, whom the king called "old fellow, "in honour of his white hairs, hearing his royal master, to whom he wasdevotedly attached, remark, "Your clock has just struck twelve, oldfellow!" replied, "Ah! sire, to twelve strokes of a hammer, an old onenow, but years ago a good one, at this hour of the clock do I owe mylands, the money spent on this place, and honour of being in yourservice. "

The king wished to know what his minister meant by these strangewords; and when his majesty was getting into bed, Jacques de Beaunenarrated to him the history with which you are acquainted. Now Francisthe First, who was partial to these spicy stories, thought theadventure a very droll one, and was the more amused thereat because atthat time his mother, the Duchess d'Angouleme, in the decline of life, was pursuing the Constable of Bourbon, in order to obtain of him oneof these dozens. Wicked love of a wicked woman, for therefromproceeded the peril of the kingdom, the capture of the king, and thedeath--as has been before mentioned--of poor Samblancay. 

I have here endeavoured to relate how the Chateau d'Azay came to bebuilt, because it is certain that thus was commenced the great fortuneof that Samblancay who did so much for his natal town, which headorned; and also spent such immense sums upon the completion of thetowers of the cathedral. This lucky adventure has been handed downfrom father to son, and lord to lord, in the said place ofAzay-les-Ridel, where the story frisks still under the curtains of theking, which have been curiously respected down to the present day. It istherefore the falsest of falsities which attributes the dozen of theTourainian to a German knight, who by this deed would have secured thedomains of Austria to the House of Hapsburgh. The author of our days, who brought this history to light, although a learned man, has allowedhimself to be deceived by certain chroniclers, since the archives ofthe Roman Empire make no mention of an acquisition of this kind. I amangry with him for having believed that a "braguette" nourished withbeer, could have been equal to the alchemical operations of theChinonian "braguettes, " so much esteemed by Rabelais. And I have forthe advantage of the country, the glory of Azay, the conscience of thecastle, and renown of the House of Beaune, from which sprang theSauves and the Noirmoutiers, re-established the facts in all theirveritable, historical, and admirable beauty. Should any ladies pay avisit to the castle, there are still dozens to be found in theneighbourhood, but they can only be procured retail. 

 THE FALSE COURTESAN

That which certain people do not know, is a the truth concerning thedecease of the Duke of Orleans, brother of King Charles VI. , a deathwhich proceeded from a great number of causes, one of which will bethe subject of this narrative. This prince was for certain the mostlecherous of all the royal race of Monseigneur St. Louis (who was inhis life time King of France), without even putting on one side someof the most debauched of this fine family, which was so concordantwith the vices and especial qualities of our brave andpleasure-seeking nation, that you could more easily imagine Hellwithout Satan than France without her valorous, glorious, and jovialkings. So you can laugh as loudly at those muckworms of philosophy whogo about saying, "Our fathers were better, " as at the good, philanthropical old bunglers who pretend that mankind is on the rightroad to perfection. These are old blind bats, who observe neither theplumage of oysters nor the shells of birds, which change no more thanour ways. Hip, hip, huzzah! then, make merry while you're young. Keepyour throats wet and your eyes dry, since a hundredweight of melancholyis worth less than an ounce of jollity. The wrong doings of this lord, lover of Queen Isabella, whom he doted upon, brought about pleasantadventures, since he was a great wit, of Alcibaidescal nature, and achip off the old block. It was he who first conceived the idea of arelay of sweethearts, so that when he went from Paris to Bordeaux, every time he unsettled his nag he found ready for him a good meal anda bed with as much lace inside as out. Happy Prince! who died onhorseback, for he was always across something in-doors and out. Of hiscomical jokes our most excellent King Louis the Eleventh has given asplendid sample in the book of "Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles, " written underhis superintendence during his exile, at the Court of Burgundy, where, during the long evenings, in order to amuse themselves, he and hiscousin Charolois would relate to each other the good tricks and jokesof the period; and when they were hard up for true stories, each ofthe courtiers tried who could invent the best one. But out of respectfor the royal blood, the Dauphin has credited a townsman with thatwhich happened to the Lady of Cany. It is given under the title of "LaMedaille a revers", in the collection of which it is one of thebrightest jewels, and commences the hundred. But now for mine. 

The Duc d'Orleans had in his suite a lord of the province of Picardy, named Raoul d'Hocquetonville, who had taken for a wife, to the futuretrouble of the prince, a young lady related to the house of Burgundy, and rich in domains. But, an exception to the general run ofheiresses, she was of so dazzling a beauty, that all the ladies of thecourt, even the Queen and Madame Valentine, were thrown into theshade; nevertheless, this was as nothing in the lady ofHocquetonville, compared with her Burgundian consanguinity, herinheritances, her prettiness, and gentle nature, because these rareadvantages received a religious lustre from her supreme innocence, sweet modesty, and chaste education. The Duke had not long gazed uponthis heaven-sent flower before he was seized with the fever of love. He fell into a state of melancholy, frequented no bad places, and onlywith regret now and then did he take a bite at his royal and daintyGerman morsel Isabella. He became passionate, and swore either bysorcery, by force, by trickery, or with her consent, to enjoy theflavours of this gentle lady, who, by the sight of her sweet body, forced him to the last extremity, during his now long and wearynights. At first, he pursued her with honied words, but he soon knewby her untroubled air that she was determined to remain virtuous, forwithout appearing astonished at his proceedings, or getting angry likecertain other ladies, she replied to him, "My lord, I must inform youthat I do not desire to trouble myself with the love of other persons, not that I despise the joys which are therein to be experienced (assupreme they must be, since so many ladies cast into the abyss of lovetheir homes, their honour, their future, and everything), but from thelove I bear my children. Never would I be the cause of a blush upontheir cheeks, for in this idea will I bring up my daughters--that invirtue alone is happiness to be found. For, my lord, if the days ofour old age are more numerous than those of our youth, of them must wethink. From those who brought me up I learned to properly estimatethis life, and I know that everything therein is transitory, exceptthe security of the natural affections. Thus I wish for the esteem ofeveryone, and above all that of my husband, who is all the world tome. Therefore do I desire to appear honest in his sight. I havefinished, and I entreat you to allow me unmolested to attend to myhousehold affairs, otherwise I will unhesitatingly refer the matter tomy lord and master, who will quit your service. "

This brave reply rendered the king's brother more amorous than ever, and he endeavoured to ensnare this noble woman in order to possessher, dead or alive, and he never doubted a bit that he would have herin his clutches, relying upon his dexterity at this kind of sport, themost joyous of all, in which it is necessary to employ the weapons ofall other kinds of sport, seeing that this sweet game is takenrunning, by taking aim, by torchlight, by night, by day, in the town, in the country, in the woods, by the waterside, in nets, with falcons, with the lance, with the horn, with the gun, with the decoy bird, insnares, in the toils, with a bird call, by the scent, on the wing, with the cornet, in slime, with a bait, with the lime-twig--indeed, bymeans of all the snares invented since the banishment of Adam. Andgets killed in various different ways, but generally is overridden. 

The artful fellow ceased to mention his desires, but had a post ofhonour given to the Lady of Hocquetonville, in the queen's household. Now, one day that the said Isabella went to Vincennes, to visit thesick King, and left him master of the Hotel St. Paul, he commanded thechef to have a delicate and royal supper prepared, and to serve it inthe queen's apartments. Then he sent for his obstinate lady by expresscommand, and by one of the pages of the household. The Countessd'Hocquetonville, believing that she was desired by Madame Isabellafor some service appertaining to her post, or invited to some suddenamusement, hastened to the room. In consequence of the precautionstaken by the disloyal lover, no one had been able to inform the nobledame of the princess's departure, so she hastened to the splendidchamber, which, in the Hotel St. Paul, led into the queen'sbedchamber; there she found the Duc d'Orleans alone. Suspecting sometreacherous plot, she went quickly into the other room, found noqueen, but heard the Prince give vent to a hearty laugh. 

"I am undone!" said she. Then she endeavoured to run away. 

But the good lady-killer had posted about devoted attendants, who, without knowing what was going on, closed the hotel, barricaded thedoors, and in this mansion, so large that it equalled a fourth ofParis, the Lady d'Hocquetonville was as in a desert, with no other aidthan that of her patron saint and God. Then, suspecting the truth, thepoor lady trembled from head to foot and fell into a chair; and thenthe working of this snare, so cleverly conceived, was, with many ahearty laugh, revealed to her by her lover. Directly the duke made amovement to approach her this woman rose and exclaimed, arming herselffirst with her tongue, and flashing one thousand maledictions from hereyes--

"You will possess me--but dead! Ha! my lord, do not force me to astruggle which must become known to certain people. I may yet retire, and the Sire d'Hocquetonville shall be ignorant of the sorrow withwhich you have forever tinged my life. Duke, you look too often in theladies' faces to find time to study men's, and you do not thereforeknow your man. The Sire d'Hocquetonville would let himself be hackedto pieces in your service, so devoted is he to you, in memory of yourkindness to him, and also because he is partial to you. But as heloves so does he hate; and I believe him to be the man to bring hismace down upon your head, to take his revenge, if you but compel me toutter one cry. Do you desire both my death and your own? But beassured that, as an honest woman, whatever happens to me, good orevil, I shall keep no secret. Now, will you let me go?"

The bad fellow began to whistle. Hearing his whistling, the good womanwent suddenly into the queen's chamber, and took from a place known toher therein, a sharp stiletto. Then, when the duke followed her toascertain what this flight meant, "When you pass that line, " criedshe, pointing to a board, "I will kill myself. "

My lord, without being in the least terrified, took a chair, placed itat the very edge of the plank in question, and commenced a glowingdescription of certain things, hoping to influence the mind of thisbrave woman, and work her to that point that her brain, her heart, andeverything should be at his mercy. Then he commenced to say to her, inthat delicate manner to which princes are accustomed, that, in thefirst place, virtuous women pay dearly for their virtue, since inorder to gain the uncertain blessings of the future, they lose all thesweetest joys of the present, because husbands were compelled, frommotives of conjugal policy, not show them all the jewels in the shrineof love, since the said jewels would so affect their hearts, was sorapturously delicious, so titillatingly voluptuous, that a woman wouldno longer consent to dwell in the cold regions of domestic life; andhe declared this marital abomination to be a great felony, because theleast thing a man could do in recognition of the virtuous life of agood woman and her great merits, was to overwork himself, to exert, toexterminate himself, to please her in every way, with fondlings andkissings and wrestlings, and all the delicacies and sweetconfectionery of love; and that, if she would taste a little of theseraphic joys of these little ways to her unknown, she would believeall the other things of life as not worth a straw; and that, if suchwere her wish, he would forever be as silent as the grave, and last noscandal would besmear her virtue. And the lewd fellow, perceiving thatthe lady did not stop her ears, commenced to describe to her, afterthe fashion of arabesque pictures, which at that time were muchesteemed, the wanton inventions of debauchery. Then did his eyes shootflame, his words burn, and his voice ring, and he himself took greatpleasure in calling to mind the various ways of his ladies, namingthem to Madame d'Hocquetonville, and even revealing to her the tricks, caresses, and amorous ways of Queen Isabella, and he made use ofexpression so gracious and so ardently inciting, that, fancying itcaused the lady to relax her hold upon the stiletto a little, he madeas if to approach her. But she, ashamed to be found buried in thought, gazed proudly at the diabolical leviathan who tempted her, and said tohim, "Fine sir, I thank you. You have caused me to love my husband allthe more, for from your discourse I learn how much he esteems me byholding me in such respect that he does not dishonour his couch withthe tricks of street-walkers and bad women. I should think myselfforever disgraced, and should be contaminated to all eternity if I putmy foot in these sloughs where go these shameless hussies. A man'swife is one thing, and his mistress another. "

"I will wager, " said the duke, smiling, "that, nevertheless, for thefuture you spur the Sire d'Hocquetonville to a little sharper pace. "

At this the good woman trembled, and cried, "You are a wicked man. NowI both despise and abominate you! What! unable to rob me of my honour, you attempt to poison my mind! Ah, my lord, this night's work willcost you dear--

 "If I forget it, a yet, God will not forget. 

"Are not those of verse is yours?"

"Madame, " said the duke, turning pale with anger, "I can have youbound--"

"Oh no! I can free myself, " replied she, brandishing the stiletto. 

The rapscallion began to laugh. 

"Never mind, " said he. "I have a means of plunging you into thesloughs of three brazen hussies, as you call them. "

"Never, while I live. "

"Head and heels you shall go in--with your two feet, two hands, twoivory breasts, and two other things, white as snow--your teeth, yourhair, and everything. You will go of your own accord; you shall enterinto it lasciviously, and in a way to crush your cavalier, as a wildhorse does its rider--stamping, leaping, and snorting. I swear it bySaint Castud!"

Instantly he whistled for one of his pages. And when the page came, hesecretly ordered him to go and seek the Sire d'Hocquetonville, Savoisy, Tanneguy, Cypierre, and other members of his band, askingthem to these rooms to supper, not without at the same time invitingto meet his guests a pretty petticoat or two. 

Then he came and sat down in his chair again, ten paces from the lady, off whom he had not taken his eye while giving his commands to thepage in a whisper. 

"Raoul is jealous, " said he. "Now let me give you a word of advice. Inthis place, " he added, pointing to a secret door, "are the oils andsuperfine perfumes of the queen; in this other little closet sheperforms her ablutions and little feminine offices. I know by muchexperience that each one of you gentle creatures has her own specialperfume, by which she is smelt and recognised. So if, as you say, Raoul is overwhelmingly jealous with the worst of all jealousies, youwill use these fast hussies' scents, because your danger approachesfast. "

"Ah, my lord, what do you intend to do?"

"You will know when it is necessary that you should know. I wish youno harm, and pledge you my honour, as a loyal knight, that I willalmost thoroughly respect you, and be forever silent concerning mydiscomfiture. In short, you will know that the Duc d'Orleans has agood heart, and revenges himself nobly on ladies who treat him withdisdain, by placing in their hands the key of Paradise. Only keep yourears open to the joyous words that will be handed from mouth to mouthin the next room, and cough not if you love your children. "

Since there was no egress from the royal chamber, and the barscrossing hardly left room to put one's head through, the good princeclosed the door of the room, certain of keeping the lady a safeprisoner there, and again impressed upon her the necessity of silence. Then came the merry blades in great haste, and found a good andsubstantial supper smiling at them from the silver plates upon thetable, and the table well arranged and well lighted, loaded with finesilver cups, and cups full of royal wine. Then said their master tothem--

"Come! Come! to your places my good friends. I was becoming veryweary. Thinking of you, I wished to arrange with you a merry feastafter the ancient method, when the Greeks and Romans said their Paternoster to Master Priapus, and the learned god called in all countriesBacchus. The feast will be proper and a right hearty one, since at ourlibation there will be present some pretty crows with three beaks, ofwhich I know from great experience the best one to kiss. "

Then all of them recognising their master in all things, took pleasurein this discourse, except Raoul d'Hocquetonville, who advanced andsaid to the prince--

"My lord, I will aid you willingly in any battle but that of thepetticoats, in that of spear and axe, but not of the wine flasks. Mygood companions here present have not wives at home, it is otherwisewith me. I have a sweet wife, to whom I owe my company, and an accountof all my deeds and actions. "

"Then, since I am a married man I am to blame?" said the duke. 

"Ah! my dear master, you are a prince, and can do as you please. "

These brave speeches made, as you can imagine, the heart of the ladyprisoner hot and cold. 

"Ah! my Raoul, " thought she, "thou art a noble man!"

"You are, " said the duke, "a man whom I love, and consider morefaithful and praiseworthy than any of my people. The others, " said he, looking at the three lords, "are wicked men. But, Raoul, " hecontinued, "sit thee down. When the linnets come--they are linnets ofhigh degree--you can make your way home. S'death! I had treated theeas a virtuous man, ignorant of the extra-conjugal joys of love, andhad carefully put for thee in that room the queen of raptures--a fairdemon, in whom is concentrated all feminine inventions. I wished thatonce in thy life thou, who has never tasted the essence of love, anddreamed but of war, should know the secret marvels of the gallantamusement, since it is shameful that one of my followers should servea fair lady badly. "

Thereupon the Sire d'Hocquetonville sat down to a table in order toplease his prince as far as he could lawfully do so. Then they allcommenced to laugh, joke, and talk about the ladies; and according totheir custom, they related to each other their good fortunes and theirlove adventures, sparing no woman except the queen of the house, andbetraying the little habits of each one, to which followed horriblelittle confidences, which increased in treachery and lechery as thecontents of the goblets grew less. The duke, gay as a universallegatee, drew the guests out, telling lies himself to learn the truthfrom them; and his companions ate at a trot, drank at a full gallop, and their tongues rattled away faster than either. 

Now, listening to them, and heating his brain with wine, the Sired'Hocquetonville unharnessed himself little by little from thereluctance. In spite of his virtues, he indulged certain desires, andbecame soaked in these impurities like a saint who defiles himselfwhile saying his prayers. Perceiving which, the prince, on the alertto satisfy his ire and his bile, began to say to him, joking him--

"By Saint Castud, Raoul, we are all tarred with the same brush, alldiscreet away from here. Go; we will say nothing to Madame. By heaven!man, I wish thee to taste of the joys of paradise. There, " said he, tapping the door of the room in which was Madame d'Hocquetonville, "inthere is a lady of the court and a friend of the queen, but thegreatest priestess of Venus that ever was, and her equal is not to befound in any courtesan, harlot, dancer, doxy, or hussy. She wasengendered at a moment when paradise was radiant with joy, when naturewas procreating, when the planets were whispering vows of love, whenthe beasts were frisking and capering, and everything was aglow withdesire. Although the women make an altar of her bed, she isnevertheless too great a lady to allow herself to be seen, and toowell known to utter any words but the sounds of love. No light willyou need, for her eyes flash fire, and attempt no conversation, sinceshe speaks only with movements and twistings more rapid than those ofa deer surprised in the forest. Only, my dear Raoul, but so merry anag look to your stirrups, sit light in the saddle, since with oneplunge she would hurl thee to the ceiling, if you are not careful. Sheburns always, and is always longing for male society. Our poor deadfriend, the young Sire de Giac, met his death through her; she drainedhis marrow in one springtime. God's truth! to know such bliss as thatof which she rings the bells and lights the fires, what man would notforfeit a third of his future happiness? and he who has known her oncewould for a second night forfeit without regret eternity. "

"But, " said Raoul, "in things which should be so much alike, how is itthat there is so great a difference?"

"Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Thereupon the company burst out laughing, and animated by the wine anda wink from their master, they all commenced relating droll and quaintconceits, laughing, shouting, and making a great noise. Now, knowingnot that an innocent scholar was there, these jokers, who had drownedtheir sense of shame in the wine-cups, said things to make the figureson the mantel shake, the walls and the ceilings blush; and the dukesurpassed them all, saying, that the lady who was in bed in the nextroom awaiting a gallant should be the empress of these warmimaginations, because she practised them every night. Upon this theflagons being empty, the duke pushed Raoul, who let himself be pushedwillingly, into the room, and by this means the prince compelled thelady to deliberate by which dagger she would live or die. At midnightthe Sire d'Hocquetonville came out gleefully, not without remorse athaving been false to his good wife. Then the Duc d'Orleans led Madamed'Hocquetonville out by a garden door, so that she gained herresidence before her husband arrived here. 

"This, " said she, in the prince's ear, as she passed the postern, "will cost us all dear. "

One year afterwards, in the old Rue du Temple, Raoul d'Hocquetonville, who had quitted the service of the Duke for that of Jehan of Burgundy, gave the king's brother a blow on the head with a club, and killedhim, as everyone knows. In the same year died the Ladyd'Hocquetonville, having faded like a flower deprived of air and eatenby a worm. Her good husband had engraved upon her marble tomb, whichis in one of the cloisters of Peronne, the following inscription--

 HERE LIES BERTHA DE BOURGONGE THE NOBLE AND COMELY WIFE OF RAOUL, SIRE DE HOCQUETONVILLE. 

 ALAS! PRAY NOT FOR HER SOUL SHE BLOSSOMED AGAIN IN PARADISE THE ELEVENTH DAY OF JANUARY IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD MCCCCVIII. , IN THE TWENTY-THIRD YEAR OF HER AGE, LEAVING TWO SONS AND HER LORD SPOUSE INCONSOLABLE. 

This epitaph was written in elegant Latin, but for the convenience ofall it was necessary to translate it, although the word comely isfeeble beside that of formosa, which signifies beautiful in shape. TheDuke of Burgundy, called the Fearless, in whom previous to his deaththe Sire d'Hocquetonville confided the troubles cemented with lime andsand in his heart, used to say, in spite of his hardheartedness inthese matters, that this epitaph plunged him into a state ofmelancholy for a month, and that among all the abominations of hiscousin of Orleans, there was one for which he would kill him overagain if the deed had not already been done, because this wicked manhad villianously defaced with vice the most divine virtue in the worldand had prostituted two noble hearts, the one by the other. Whensaying this he would think of the lady of Hocquetonville and of hisown, which portrait had been unwarrantably placed in the cabinet wherehis cousin placed the likeness of his wenches. 

The adventure was so extremely shocking, that when it was related bythe Count de Charolois to the Dauphin, afterwards Louis XI. , thelatter would not allow his secretaries to publish it in hiscollection, out of respect for his great uncle the Duke d'Orleans, andfor Dunois his old comrade, the son of the same. But the person of thelady of Hocquetonville is so sublimely virtuous, so exquisitelymelancholy, that in her favour the present publication of thisnarrative will be forgiven, in spite of the diabolical invention andvengeance of Monseigneur d'Orleans. The just death of this rascalnevertheless caused many serious rebellions, which finally Louis XI. , losing all patience, put down with fire and sword. 

This shows us that there is a woman at the bottom of everything, inFrance as elsewhere, and that sooner or later we must pay for ourfollies. 

 THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT

The Lord of Montcontour was a brave soldier of Tours, who in honour ofthe battle gained by the Duke of Anjou, afterwards our right gloriousking, caused to be built at Vouvray the castle thus named, for he hadborne himself most bravely in that affair, where he overcame thegreatest of heretics, and from that was authorised to take the name. Now this said captain had two sons, good Catholics, of whom the eldestwas in favour at court. After the peace, which was concluded beforethe stratagem arranged for St Bartholomew's Day, the good man returnedto his manor, which was not ornamented as it is at the present day. There he received the sad announcement of the death of his son, slainin a duel by the lord of Villequier. The poor father was the more cutup at this, as he had arranged a capital marriage for the said sonwith a young lady of the male branch of Amboise. Now, by this deathmost piteously inopportune, vanished all the future and advantages ofhis family, of which he wished to make a great and noble house. Withthis idea, he had put his other son in a monastery, under the guidanceand government of a man renowned for his holiness, who brought him upin a Christian manner, according to the desire of his father, whowished from high ambition to make him a cardinal of renown. For thisthe good abbot kept the young man in a private house, and had to sleepby his side in his cell, allowed no evil weeds to grow in his mind, brought him up in purity of soul and true condition, as all priestsshould be. This said clerk, when turned nineteen years, knew no otherlove than the love of God, no other nature than that of the angels whohad not our carnal properties, in order that they may live in purity, seeing that otherwise they would make good use of them. The which theKing on high, who wished to have His pages always proper, was afraidof. He has done well, because His good little people cannot drink indram shops or riot in brothels as ours do. He is divinely served; butthen remember, He is Lord of all. Now in this plight the lord ofMontcontour determined to withdraw his second son from the cloister, and invest him with the purple of the soldier and courtier, in theplace of the ecclesiastical purple; and determined to give him inmarriage to the maiden, affianced to the dead man, which was wiselydetermined because wrapped round with continence and sobriety in allways as was the little monk, the bride would be as well used andhappier than she would have been with the elder, already well hauledover, upset, and spoiled by the ladies of the court. The befrocked, unfrocked, and very sheepish in his ways, followed the sacred wishesof his father, and consented to the said marriage without knowing whata wife, and--what is more curious--what a girl was. By chance, hisjourney having been hindered by the troubles and marches ofconflicting parties, this innocent--more innocent than it is lawfulfor a man to be innocent--only came to the castle of Montcontour theevening before the wedding, which was performed with dispensationsbought in by the archbishopric of Tours. It is necessary here todescribe the bride. Her mother, long time a widow, lived in the Houseof M. De Braguelongne, civil lieutenant of the Chatelet de Paris, whose wife lived with lord of Lignieres, to the great scandal of theperiod. But everyone then had so many joists in his own eye that hehad no right to notice the rafters in the eyes of others. Now, in allfamilies people go to perdition, without noticing their neighbours, some at an amble, others at a gentle trot, many at a gallop, and asmall number walking, seeing that the road is all downhill. Thus inthese times the devil had many a good orgy in all things, since thatmisconduct was fashionable. The poor old lady Virtue had retiredtrembling, no one knew whither, but now here, now there, livedmiserably in company with honest women. 

In the most noble house Amboise there still lived the Dowager ofChaumont, an old woman of well proved virtue, in whom had retired allthe religion and good conduct of this fine family. The said lady hadtaken to her bosom, from the age of ten years, the little maiden whois concerned in this adventure, and who had never caused MadameAmboise the least anxiety, but left her free in her movements, and shecame to see her daughter once a year, when the court passed that way. In spite of this high maternal reserve, Madame Amboise was invited toher daughter's wedding, and also the lord of Braguelongne, by the goodold soldier, who knew his people. But the dear dowager came not toMontcontour, because she could not obtain relief from her sciatica, her cold, nor the state of her legs, which gamboled no longer. Overthis the good woman cried copiously. It hurt her much to let go intothe dangers of the court and of life this gentle maiden, as pretty asit was possible for a pretty girl to be, but she was obliged to giveher her wings. But it was not without promising her many masses andorisons every evening for her happiness. And comforted a little, thegood old lady began to think that the staff of her old age was passinginto the hands of a quasi-saint, brought up to do good by theabove-mentioned abbot, with whom she was acquainted, the which hadaided considerably in the prompt exchange of spouses. At length, embracing her with tears, the virtuous dowager made those lastrecommendations to her that ladies make to young brides, as that sheought to be respectful to his mother, and obey her husband ineverything. 

Then the maid arrived with a great noise, conducted by servants, chamberlains, grooms, gentlemen, and people of the house of Chaumont, so that you would have imagined her suite to be that of a cardinallegate. So arrived the two spouses the evening before marriage. Then, the feasting over, they were married with great pomp on the Lord'sDay, a mass being said at the castle by the Bishop of Blois, who was agreat friend of the lord of Montcontour; in short, the feasting, thedancing, and the festivities of all sorts lasted till the morning. Buton the stroke of midnight the bridesmaids went to put the bride tobed, according to the custom of Touraine; and during this time theykept quarrelling with the innocent husband, to prevent him going tothis innocent wife, who sided with them from ignorance. However, thegood lord of Montcontour interrupted the jokers and the wits, becauseit was necessary that his son should occupy himself in well-doing. Then went the innocent into the chamber of his wife, whom he thoughtmore beautiful than the Virgin Mary painted in Italian, Flemish, andother pictures, at whose feet he had said his prayers. But you may besure he felt very much embarrassed at having so soon become a husband, because he knew nothing of his business, and saw that certain formshad to be gone through concerning which from great and modest reserve, he had no time to question even his father, who had said sharply tohim--

"You know what you have to do; be valiant therein. "

Then he saw the gentle girl who was given him, comfortably tucked upin the bedclothes, terribly curious, her head buried under, buthazarding a glance as at the point of a halberd, and saying toherself--

"I must obey him. "

And knowing nothing, she awaited the will of this slightlyecclesiastical gentleman, to whom, in fact, she belonged. Seeingwhich, the Chevalier de Montcontour came close to the bed, scratchedhis ear, and knelt down, a thing in which he was expert. 

"Have you said your prayers?" said he. 

"No, " said she; "I have forgotten them. Do wish me to say them?"

Then the young couple commenced the business of a housekeeping byimploring God, which was not at all out of place. But unfortunatelythe devil heard, and at once replied to their requests, God being muchoccupied at that time with the new and abominable reformed religion. 

"What did they tell you to do?" said the husband. 

"To love you, " said she, in perfect innocence. 

"This has not been told to me; but I love you, I am ashamed to say, better than I love God. "

This speech did not alarm the bride. 

"I should like, " said the husband, "to repose myself in your bed, ifit will not disturb you. "

"I will make room for you willingly because I am to submit myself toyou. "

"Well, " said he, "don't look at me again. I'm going to take my clothesoff, and come. "

At this virtuous speech, the young damsel turned herself towards thewall in great expectation, seeing that it was for the very first timethat she was about to find herself separated from a man by theconfines of a shirt only. Then came the innocent, gliding into bed, and thus they found themselves, so to speak, united, but far from whatyou can imagine what. Did you ever see a monkey brought from acrossthe seas, who for the first time is given a nut to crack? This ape, knowing by high apish imagination how delicious is the food hiddenunder the shell, sniffs and twists himself about in a thousand apishways, saying, I know not what, between his chattering jaws. Ah! withwhat affection he studies it, with what study he examines it, in whatexamination he holds it, then throws it, rolls and tosses it aboutwith passion, and often, when it is an ape of low extraction andintelligence, leaves the nut. As much did the poor innocent who, towards the dawn, was obliged to confess to his dear wife that, notknowing how to perform his office, or what that office was, or whereto obtain the said office, it would be necessary for him to inquireconcerning it, and have help and aid. 

"Yes, " said she; "since, unhappily, I cannot instruct you. "

In fact, in spite of their efforts, essay of all kinds--in spite of athousand things which the innocents invent, and which the wise inmatters of love know nothing about--the pair dropped off to sleep, wretched at having been unable to discover the secret of marriage. Butthey wisely agreed to say that they had done so. When the wife got up, still a maiden, seeing that she had not been crowned, she boasted ofher night, and said she had the king of husbands, and went on with herchattering and repartee as briskly as those who know nothing of thesethings. Then everyone found the maiden a little too sharp, since for atwo-edged joke a lady of Roche-Corbon having incited a young maiden, de la Bourdaisiere, who knew nothing of such things, to ask thebride--

"How many loaves did your husband put in the oven?"

"Twenty-four, " she replied. 

Now, as the bridegroom was roaming sadly about, thereby distressinghis wife, who followed him with her eyes, hoping to see his state ofinnocence come to an end, the ladies believed that the joy of thatnight had cost him dear, and that the said bride was alreadyregretting having so quickly ruined him. And at breakfast came the badjokes, which at that time were relished as excellent, one said thatthe bride had an open expression; another, that there had been somegood strokes of business done that night in the castle; this one, thatthe oven had been burned; that one that the two families have lostsomething that night that they would never find again. And a thousandother jokes, stupidities, and double meanings that, unfortunately thehusband did not understand. But on account of the great affluence ofthe relations, neighbours, and others, no one had been to bed; all haddanced, rollicked, and frolicked, as is the custom at noble weddings. 

At this was quite contented my said Sieur de Braguelongne, upon whommy lady of Amboise, excited by the thought of the good things whichwere happening to her daughter, cast the glances of a falcon inmatters of gallant assignation. The poor Lieutenant civil, learned inbailiffs' men and sergeants, and who nabbed all the pickpockets andscamps of Paris, pretended not to see his good fortune, although hisgood lady required him to do. You may be sure this great lady's loveweighed heavily upon him, so he only kept to her from a spirit ofjustice, because it was not seeming in a lieutenant judiciary tochange his mistresses as often as a man at court, because he had underhis charge morals, the police and religion. This not withstanding hisrebellion must come to an end. On the day after the wedding a greatnumber of the guests departed; then Madame d'Amboise and Monsieur deBraguelongne could go to bed, their guests having decamped. Sittingdown to supper, the lieutenant received a half-verbal summons to whichit was not becoming, as in legal matters, to oppose any reasons fordelay. 

During supper the said lady d'Amboise made more than a hundred littlesigns in order to draw the good Braguelongne from the room where hewas with the bride, but out came instead of the lieutenant thehusband, to walk about in company with the mother of his sweet wife. Now, in the mind of this innocent there had sprung up like a mushrooman expedient--namely, to interrogate this good lady, whom heconsidered discreet, for remembering the religious precepts of hisabbot, who had told him to inquire concerning all things of old peopleexpert in the ways of life, he thought of confiding his case to thesaid lady d'Amboise. But he made first awkwardly and shyly certaintwists and turns, finding no terms in which to unfold his case. Andthe lady was also perfectly silent, since she was outrageously struckwith the blindness, deafness and voluntary paralysis of the lord ofBraguelongne; and said to herself, walking by the side of thisdelicate morsel, a young innocent of whom she did not think, littleimagining that this cat so well provided with young bacon could thinkof old--

"This Ho, Ho, with a beard of flies' legs, a flimsy, old, grey, ruined, shaggy beard--beard without comprehension, beard withoutshame, without any feminine respect--beard which pretends neither tofeel nor to hear, nor to see, a pared away beard, a beaten down, disordered, gutted beard. May the Italian sickness deliver me fromthis vile joker with a squashed nose, fiery nose, frozen nose, nosewithout religion, nose dry as a lute table, pale nose, nose without asoul, nose which is nothing but a shadow; nose which sees not, nosewrinkled like the leaf of a vine; nose that I hate, old nose, nosefull of mud--dead nose. Where had my eyes been to attach myself totruffle nose, to this old hulk that no longer knows his way? I give myshare to the devil of this juiceless beard, of this grey beard, ofthis monkey face, of these old tatters, of this old rag of a man, ofthis--I know not what; and I'll take a young husband who'll marry meproperly, and . . . And often--every day--and well--"

In this wise train of thought was she when the innocent began hisanthem to this woman, so warmly excited, who at the first paraphrasetook fire in her understanding, like a piece of old touchwood from thecarbine of a soldier; and finding it wise to try her son-in-law, saidto herself--

"Ah! young beard, sweet scented! Ah! pretty new nose--fresh beard--innocent nose--virgin appeared--nose full of joy it--beard ofspringtime, small key of love!"

She kept on talking the round of the garden, which was long, and thenarranged with the Innocent that, night come, he should sally forthfrom his room and get into hers, where she engaged to render him morelearned than ever was his father. And the husband was well content, and thanked Madame d'Amboise, begging her to say nothing of thisarrangement. 

During this time the good old Braguelongne had been growling andsaying to himself, "Old ha, ha! old ho, ho! May the plague take thee!may a cancer eat thee!--worthless old currycomb! old slipper, too bigfor the foot! old arquebus! ten year old codfish! old spider thatspins no more! old death with open eyes! old devil's cradle! vilelantern of an old town-crier too! Old wretch whose look kills! oldmoustache of an old theriacler! old wretch to make dead men weep! oldorgan-pedal! old sheath with a hundred knives! old church porch, wornout by the knees! old poor-box in which everyone has dropped. I'llgive all my future to be quit of thee!" As he finished these gentlethoughts the pretty bride, who was thinking of her young husband'sgreat sorrow at not knowing the particulars of that essential item ofmarriage, and not having the slightest idea what it was, thought tosave him much tribulation, shame, and labour by instructing herself. And she counted upon much astonishing and rejoicing him the next nightwhen she should say to him, teaching him his duty, "That's the thingmy love!" Brought up in great respect of old people by her deardowager, she thought of inquiring of this good man in her sweetestmanner to distil for her the sweet mysteries of the commerce. Now, thelord of Braguelongne, ashamed of being lost in sad contemplation ofthis evening's work, and of saying nothing to his gay companion, putthis summary interrogation to the fair bride--"If she was not happywith so good a young husband--"

"He is very good, " said she. 

"Too good, perhaps, " said the lieutenant smiling. 

To be brief, matters were so well arranged between them that the Lordengaged to spare no pains to enlighten the understanding of Madamed'Amboise's daughter-in-law, who promised to come and study her lessonin his room. The said lady d'Amboise pretended after supper to playterrible music in a high key to Monsieur Braguelongne saying that hehad no gratitude for the blessings she had brought him--her position, her wealth, her fidelity, etc. In fact, she talked for half an hourwithout having exhausted a quarter of her ire. From this a hundredknives were drawn between them, but they kept the sheaths. Meanwhilethe spouses in bed were arranging to themselves how to get away, inorder to please each other. Then the innocent began to say he fellquite giddy, he knew not from what, and wanted to go into the openair. And his maiden wife told him to take a stroll in the moonlight. And then the good fellow began to pity his wife in being left alone amoment. At her desire, both of them at different times left theirconjugal couch and came to their preceptors, both very impatient, asyou can well believe; and good instruction was given to them. How? Icannot say, because everyone has his own method and practice, and ofall sciences this is the most variable in principle. You may be surethat never did scholars receive more gayly the precepts of anylanguage, grammar, or lessons whatsoever. And the two spouses returnedto their nest, delighted at being able to communicate to each otherthe discoveries of their scientific peregrinations. 

"Ah, my dear, " said the bride, "you already know more than my master. "

From these curious tests came their domestic joy and perfect fidelity;because immediately after their entry into the married state theyfound out how much better each of them was adapted for love thananyone else, their masters included. Thus for the remainder of theirdays they kept to the legitimate substance of their own persons; andthe lord of Montcontour said in old age to his friends--

"Do like me, be cuckolds in the blade, and not in the sheath. "

Which is the true morality of the conjugal condition. 

 THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE

In that winter when commenced that first taking up of arms by those ofthe religion, which was called the Riot of Amboise, an advocate, namedAvenelles, lent his house, situated in the Rue des Marmousets for theinterviews and conventions of the Huguenots, being one of them, without knowing, however, that the Prince of Conde, La Regnaudie, andothers, intended to carry off the king. 

The said Avenelles wore a nasty red beard, as shiny as a stick ofliquorice, and was devilishly pale, as are all the rogues who takerefuge in the darkness of the law; in short, the most evil-mindedadvocate that has ever lived, laughing at the gallows, sellingeverybody, and a true Judas. According to certain authors of a greatexperience in subtle rogues he was in this affair, half knave, halffool, as it is abundantly proved by this narrative. This procureur hadmarried a very lovely lady of Paris, of whom he was jealous enough tokill her for a pleat in the sheets, for which she could not account, which would have been wrong, because honest creases are often metwith. But she folded her clothes very well, so there's the end of thematter. Be assured that, knowing the murderous and evil nature of thisman, his wife was faithful enough to him, always ready, like acandlestick, arranged for her duty like a chest which never moves, andopens to order. Nevertheless, the advocate had placed her under theguardianship and pursuing eye of an old servant, a duenna as ugly as apot without a handle, who had brought up the Sieur Avenelles, and wasvery fond of him. His poor wife, for all pleasure in her cold domesticlife, used to go to the Church of St. Jehan, on the Place de Greve, where, as everyone knows, the fashionable world was accustomed tomeet; and while saying her paternosters to God she feasted her eyesupon all these gallants, curled, adorned, and starched, young, comely, and flitting about like true butterflies, and finished by picking outfrom among the lot a good gentleman, lover of the queen-mother, and ahandsome Italian, with whom she was smitten because he was in the Mayof his age, nobly dressed, a graceful mover, brave in mien, and wasall that a lover should be to bestow a heart full of love upon anhonest married woman too tightly squeezed by the bonds of matrimony, which torment her, and always excite her to unharness herself from theconjugal yoke. And you can imagine that the young gentleman grew toadmire Madame, whose silent love spoke secretly to him, without eitherthe devil or themselves knowing how. Both one and the other had theircorrespondence of love. At first, the advocate's wife adorned herselfonly to come to church, and always came in some new sumptuosity; andinstead of thinking of God, she made God angry by thinking of herhandsome gentleman, and leaving her prayers, she gave herself up tothe fire which consumed her heart, and moistened her eyes, her lips, and everything, seeing that this fire always dissolves itself inwater; and often said to herself: "Ha! I would give my life for asingle embrace with this pretty lover who loves me. " Often, too, inplace of saying her litanies to Madame the Virgin, she thought in herheart: "To feel the glorious youth of this gentle lover, to have thefull joys of love, to taste all in one moment, little should I mindthe flames into which the heretics are thrown. " Then the gentlemangazing at the charms of this good wife, and her burning blushes whenhe glanced at her, came always close to her stool, and addressed toher those requests which the ladies understand so well. Then he saidaside to himself: "By the double horn on my father, I swear to havethe woman, though it cost me my life. "

And when the duenna turned her head, the two lovers squeezed, pressed, breathed, ate, devoured, and kissed each other by a look which wouldhave set light to the match of a musketeer, if the musketeer had beenthere. It was certain that a love so far advanced in the heart shouldhave an end. The gentleman dressed as a scholar of Montaign, began toregale the clerks of the said Avenelles, and to joke in the company, in order to learn the habits of the husband, his hours of absence, hisjourneys, and everything, watching for an opportunity to stick hishorns on. And this was how, to his injury, the opportunity occurred. The advocate, obliged to follow the course of this conspiracy, and, incase of failure, intending to revenge himself upon the Guises, determined to go to Blois, where the court then was in great danger ofbeing carried off. Knowing this, the gentleman came first to the townof Blois, and there arranged a master-trap, into which the SieurAvenelles should fall, in spite of his cunning, and not come out untilsteeped in a crimson cuckoldom. The said Italian, intoxicated withlove, called together all his pages and vassals, and posted them insuch a manner that on the arrival of the advocate, his wife, and herduenna, it was stated to them at all the hostelries at which theywished to put up that the hostelry being full, in consequence of thesojourn of the court, they must go elsewhere. Then the gentleman madesuch an arrangement with the landlord of the Soleil Royal, that he hadthe whole of the house, and occupied, without any of the usualservants of the place remaining there. For greater security, my lordsent the said master and his people into the country, and put his ownin their places, so that the advocate should know nothing of thisarrangement. Behold my good gentleman who lodges his friends to cometo the court in the hostelry, and for himself keeps a room situatedabove those in which he intends to put his lovely mistress, heradvocate, and the duenna, not without first having cut a trap in theboards. And his steward being charged to play the part of theinnkeeper, his pages dressed like guests, and his female servants likeservants of the inn, he waited for spies to convey to him the dramatispersonae of this farce--viz. , wife, husband, and duenna, none of whomfailed to come. Seeing the immense wealth of the great lords, merchants, warriors, members of the service, and others, brought bythe sojourn of the young king, of two queens, the Guises, and all thecourt, no one had a right to be astonished or to talk of the roguishtrap, or of the confusion come to the Soleil Royal. Behold now theSieur Avenelles, on his arrival, bundled about, he, his wife and theduenna from inn to inn, and thinking themselves very fortunate inbeing received at the Soleil Royal, where the gallant was gettingwarm, and love was burning. The advocate, being lodged, the loverwalked about the courtyard, watching and waiting for a glance from thelady; and he did not have to wait very long, since the fair Avenelles, looking soon into the court, after the custom of the ladies, thererecognised not without great throbbing of the heart, her gallant andwell-beloved gentleman. At that she was very happy; and if by a luckychance both had been alone together for an ounce of time, that goodgentleman would not have had to wait for his good fortune, so burningwas she from head to foot. 

"How warm it is in the rays of this lord, " said she, meaning to saysun, since it was then shining fiercely. 

Hearing this, the advocate sprang to the window, and beheld mygentleman. 

"Ha! you want lords, my dear, do you?" said the advocate, dragging herby the arm, and throwing her like one of his bags on to the bed. "Remember that if I have a pencase at my side instead of a sword, Ihave a penknife in this pencase, and that penknife will go into yourheart on the least suspicion of conjugal impropriety. I believe I haveseen that gentleman somewhere. "

The advocate was so terribly spiteful that the lady rose, and said tohim--

"Well, kill me. I am not afraid of deceiving you. Never touch meagain, after having thus menaced me. And from to-day I shall neverthink of sleeping save with a lover more gentle than you are. "

"There, there, my little one!" said the advocate, surprised. "We havegone a little too far. Kiss me, chick-a-biddy, and forgive me. "

"I will neither kiss nor pardon you, " said she "You are a wretch!"

Avenelles, enraged, wished to take by force that which his wife deniedhim, and from this resulted a combat, from which the husband emergedclawed all over. But the worst of it was, that the advocate, coveredwith scratches, being expected by the conspirators, who were holding acouncil, was obliged to quit his good wife, leaving her to the care ofthe old woman. 

The knave having departed, the gentleman putting one of his servantsto keep watch at the corner of the street, mounts to his blessed trap, lifts it noiselessly, and calls the lady by a gentle psit! psit! whichwas understood by the heart, which generally understands everything. The lady lifts her head, and sees her pretty lover four flea jumpsabove her. Upon a sign, she takes hold of two cords of black silk, towhich were attached loops, through which she passes her arms, and inthe twinkling of an eye is translated by two pulleys from her bedthrough the ceiling into the room above, and the trap closing as ithas opened, left the old duenna in a state of great flabbergastation, when, turning her head, she neither saw robe nor woman, and perceivedthat the women had been robbed. How? by whom? in what way? where?--Presto! Foro! Magico! As much knew the alchemists at their furnacesreading Herr Trippa. Only the old woman knew well the crucible, andthe great work--the one was cuckoldom, and the other the privateproperty of Madame Advocate. She remained dumbfounded, watching forthe Sieur Avenelles--as well say death, for in his rage he wouldattack everything, and the poor duenna could not run away, becausewith great prudence the jealous man had taken the keys with him. Atfirst sight, Madame Avenelles found a dainty supper, a good fire inthe grate, but a better in the heart of her lover, who seized her, andkissed her, with tears of joy, on the eyes first of all, to thank themfor their sweet glances during devotion at the church of St Jehan enGreve. Nor did the glowing better half of the lawyer refuse her littlemouth to his love, but allowed herself to be properly pressed, adored, caressed, delighting to be properly pressed, admirably adored, andcalorously caressed after the manner of eager lovers. And both agreedto be all in all to each other the whole night long, no matter whatthe result might be, she counting the future as a fig in comparisonwith the joys of this night, he relying upon his cunning and his swordto obtain many another. In short, both of them caring little for life, because at one stroke they consummated a thousand lives, enjoyed witheach other a thousand delights, giving to each other the double oftheir own--believing, he and she, that they were falling into anabyss, and wishing to roll there closely clasped, hurling all the loveof their souls with rage in one throw. Therein they loved each otherwell. Thus they knew not love, the poor citizens, who livemechanically with their good wives, since they know not the fiercebeating of the heart, the hot gush of life, and the vigorous clasp asof two young lovers, closely united and glowing with passion, whoembrace in face of the danger of death. Now the youthful lady and thegentleman ate little supper, but retired early to rest. Let us leavethem there, since no words, except those of paradise unknown to us, would describe their delightful agonies, and agonising delights. Meanwhile, the husband, so well cuckolded that all memory of marriagehad been swept away by love, --the said Avenelles found himself in agreat fix. To the council of the Huguenots came the Prince of Conde, accompanied by all the chiefs and bigwigs, and there it was resolvedto carry off the queen-mother, the Guises, the young king, the youngqueen, and to change the government. This becoming serious, theadvocate seeing his head at stake, did not feel the ornaments beingplanted there, and ran to divulge the conspiracy to the cardinal ofLorraine, who took the rogue to the duke, his brother, and all threeheld a consultation, making fine promises to the Sieur Avenelles, whomwith the greatest difficulty they allowed, towards midnight, todepart, at which hour he issued secretly from the castle. At thismoment the pages of the gentleman and all his people were having aright jovial supper in honour of the fortuitous wedding of theirmaster. Now, arriving at the height of the festivities, in the middleof the intoxication and joyous huzzahs, he was assailed with jeers, jokes, and laughter that turned him sick when he came into his room. The poor servant wished to speak, but the advocate promptly planted ablow in her stomach, and by a gesture commanded her to be silent. Thenhe felt in his valise, and took therefrom a good poniard. While he wasopening and shutting it, a frank, naive, joyous, amorous, pretty, celestial roar of laughter, followed by certain words of easycomprehension, came down through the trap. The cunning advocate, blowing out his candle, saw through the cracks in the boards caused bythe shrinking of the door a light, which vaguely explained the mysteryto him, for he recognised the voice of his wife, and that of thecombatant. The husband took the duenna by the arm, and went softly atthe stairs searching for the door of the chamber in which were thelovers, and did not fail to find it. Fancy! that like a horrid, rudeadvocate, he burst open the door, and with one spring was on the bed, in which he surprised his wife, half dressed, in the arms of thegentleman. 

"Ah!" said she. 

The lover having avoided the blow, tried to snatch the poniard fromthe hands of the knave, who held it firmly. 

Now, in this struggle of life and death, the husband finding himselfhindered by his lieutenant, who clutched him tightly with his fingersof iron, and bitten by his wife, who tore away at him with a will, gnawing him as a dog gnaws a bone, he thought instantly of a betterway to gratify his rage. Then the devil, newly horned, maliciouslyordered, in his patois, the servants to tie the lovers with the silkencords of the trap, and throwing the poniard away, he helped the duennato make them fast. And the thing thus done in a moment, he rammed somelinen into their mouths to stop their cries, and ran to his goodponiard without saying a word. At this moment there entered severalofficers of the Duke of Guise, whom during the struggle no one hadheard turning the house upside down, looking for the Sieur Avenelles. These soldiers, suddenly warned by the cries of the pages of the lord, bound, gagged and half killed, threw themselves between the man withthe poniard and the lovers, disarmed him, and accomplished theirmission by arresting him, and marching him off to the castle prison, he, his wife, and the duenna. At the same time the people of theGuises, recognising one of their master's friends, with whom at thismoment the queen was most anxious to consult, and whom they wereenjoined to summon to the council, invited him to come with them. Thenthe gentleman soon untied, dressing himself, said aside to the chiefof the escort, that on his account, for the love for him, he should becareful to keep the husband away from his wife, promising him hisfavour, good advancement, and even a few deniers, if he were carefulto obey him on this point. And for greater surety he explained to himthe why and the wherefore of the affair, adding that if the husbandfound himself within reach of this fair lady he would give her forcertain a blow in the belly from which she would never recover. Finally he ordered him to place the lady in the jail of the castle, ina pleasant place level with gardens, and the advocate in a safedungeon, not without chaining him hand and foot. The which the saidoffice promised, and arranged matters according to the wish of thegentleman, who accompanied the lady as far as the courtyard of thecastle, assuring her that this business would make her a widow, andthat he would perhaps espouse her in legitimate marriage. In fact, theSieur Avenelles was thrown into a damp dungeon, without air, and hispretty wife placed in a room above him, out of consideration for herlover, who was the Sieur Scipion Sardini, a noble of Lucca, exceedingly rich, and, as has been before stated, a friend of QueenCatherine de Medici, who at that time did everything in concert withthe Guises. Then he went up quickly to the queen's apartments, where agreat secret council was then being held, and there the Italianlearned what was going on, and the danger of the court. MonseigneurSardini found the privy counsellors much embarrassed and surprised atthis dilemma, but he made them all agree, telling them to turn it totheir own advantage; and to his advice was due the clever idea oflodging the king in the castle of Amboise, in order to catch theheretics there like foxes in a bag, and there to slay them all. Indeed, everyone knows how the queen-mother and Guises dissimulated, and how the Riot of Amboise terminated. This is not, however, thesubject of the present narrative. When in the morning everyone hadquitted the chamber of the queen-mother, where everything had beenarranged, Monseigneur Sardini, in no way oblivious of his love for thefair Avenelles, although he was at the time deeply smitten with thelovely Limeuil, a girl belonging to the queen-mother, and her relationby the house of La Tour de Turenne, asked why the good Judas had beencaged. Then the Cardinal of Lorraine told him his intention was not inany way to harm the rogue, but that fearing his repentance, and forgreater security of his silence until the end of the affair, he puthim out of the way, and would liberate him at the proper time. 

"Liberate him!" said the Luccanese. "Never! Put him in a sack, andthrow the old black gown into the Loire. In the first place I knowhim; he is not the man to forgive you his imprisonment, and willreturn to the Protestant Church. Thus this will be a work pleasant toGod, to rid him of a heretic. Then no one will know your secrets, andnot one of his adherents will think of asking you what has become ofhim, because he is a traitor. Let me procure the escape of his wifeand arrange the rest; I will take it off your hands. "

"Ha, ha!" said the cardinal; "you give good council. Now I will, before distilling your advice, have them both more securely guarded. Hi, there!"

Came an officer of police, who was ordered to let no person whoever hemight be, communicate with the two prisoners. Then the cardinal beggedSardini to say at his hotel that the said advocate had departed fromBlois to return to his causes in Paris. The men charged with thearrest of the advocate had received a verbal order to treat him as aman of importance, so they neither stripped nor robbed him. Now theadvocate had kept thirty gold crowns in his purse, and resolved tolose them all to assure his vengeance, and proved by good arguments tothe jailers that it was allowable for him to see his wife, on whom hedoted, and whose legitimate embrace he desired. Monseigneur Sardini, fearing for his mistress the danger of the proximity of this redlearned rogue, and for her having great fear of certain evils, determined to carry her off in the night, and put her in a place ofsafety. Then he hired some boatmen and also their boat, placing themnear the bridge, and ordered three of his most active servants to filethe bars of the cell, seize the lady, and conduct her to the wall ofthe gardens where he would await her. 

These preparations being made, and good files bought, he obtained aninterview in the morning with the queen-mother, whose apartments weresituated above the stronghold in which lay the said advocate and hiswife, believing that the queen would willingly lend herself to thisflight. Presently he was received by her, and begged her not to thinkit wrong that, at the instigation of the cardinal and of the Duke ofGuise, he should deliver this lady; and besides this, urged her verystrongly to tell the cardinal to throw the man into the water. Towhich the queen said "Amen. " Then the lover sent quickly to his lady aletter in a plate of cucumbers, to advise her of her approachingwidowhood, and the hour of flight, with all of which was the faircitizen well content. Then at dusk the soldiers of the watch being gotout of the way by the queen, who sent them to look at a ray of themoon, which frightened her, behold the servants raised the grating, and caught the lady, who came quickly enough, and was led through thehouse to Monseigneur Sardini. 

But the postern closed, and the Italian outside with the lady, beholdthe lady throw aside her mantle, see the lady change into an advocate, and see my said advocate seize his cuckolder by the collar, and halfstrangle him, dragging him towards the water to throw him to thebottom of the Loire; and Sardini began to defend himself, to shout, and to struggle, without being able, in spite of his dagger, to shakeoff this devil in long robes. Then he was quiet, falling into a sloughunder the feet of the advocate, whom he recognised through the mistsof this diabolical combat, and by the light of the moon, his facesplashed with the blood of his wife. The enraged advocate quitted theItalian, believing him to be dead, and also because servants armedwith torches, came running up. But he had to jump into the boat andpush off in great haste. 

Thus poor Madame Avenelles died alone, since Monseigneur Sardini, badly strangled, was found, and revived from this murder; and later, as everyone knows, married the fair Limeuil after this sweet girl hadbeen brought to bed in the queen's cabinet--a great scandal, whichfrom friendship the queen-mother wished to conceal, and which fromgreat love Sardini, to whom Catherine gave the splendid estate ofChaumont-sur-Loire, and also the castle, covered with marriage. 

But he had been so brutally used by the husband, that he did not makeold bones, and the fair Limeuil was left a widow in her springtime. Inspite of his misdeeds the advocate was not searched after. He wascunning enough eventually to get included in the number of thoseconspirators who were not prosecuted, and returned to the Huguenots, for whom he worked hard in Germany. 

Poor Madame Avenelles, pray for her soul! for she was hurled no oneknew where, and had neither the prayers of the Church nor Christianburial. Alas! shed a tear for her, ye ladies lucky in your loves. 

 THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON

When, for the last time, came Master Francis Rabelais, to the court ofKing Henry the Second of the name, it was in that winter when the willof nature compelled him to quit for ever his fleshly garb, and liveforever in his writings resplendent with that good philosophy to whichwe shall always be obliged to return. The good man had, at that time, counted as nearly as possible seventy flights of the swallow. HisHomeric head was but scantily ornamented with hair, but his beard wasstill perfect in its flowing majesty; there was still an air ofspring-time in his quiet smile, and wisdom on his ample brow. He was afine old man according to the statement of those who had the happinessto gaze upon his face, to which Socrates and Aristophanes, formerlyenemies, but then become friends, contributed their features. Hearinghis last hours tinkling in his ears he determined to go and pay hisrespects to the king of France, because he was having just at thattime arrived in his castle of Tournelles, the good man's house beingsituated in the gardens of St Paul, was not a stone's throw distantfrom the court. He soon found himself in the presence of QueenCatherine, Madame Diana, whom she received from motives of policy, theking, the constable, the cardinals of Lorraine and Bellay, Messieursde Guise, the Sieur de Birague, and other Italians, who at that timestood well at court in consequence of the king's protection; theadmiral, Montgomery, the officers of the household, and certain poets, such as Melin de St. Gelays, Philibert de l'Orme, and the SieurBrantome. 

Perceiving the good man, the king, who knew his wit, said to him, witha smile, after a short conversation--

"Hast thou ever delivered a sermon to thy parishioners of Meudon?"

Master Rabelais, thinking that the king was joking, since he had nevertroubled himself further about his post than to collect the revenuesaccruing from it, replied--

"Sire, my listeners are in every place, and my sermon heard throughoutChristendom. "

Then glancing at all the courtiers, who, with the exception ofMessieurs du Bellay and Chatillon, considered him to be nothing but alearned merry-andrew, while he was really the king of all wits, and afar better king than he whose crown only the courtiers venerate, therecame into the good man's head the malicious idea to philosophicallypump over their heads, just as it pleased Gargantua to give theParisians a bath from the turrets of Notre Dame, so he added--

"If you are in a good humour, sire, I can regale you with a capitallittle sermon, always appropriate, and which I have kept under thetympanum of my left ear in order to deliver it in a fit place, by wayof an aulic parable. "

"Gentlemen, " said the king, "Master Francis Rabelais has the floor ofthe court, and our salvation is concerned in his speech. Be silent, Ipray you, and give heed; he is fruitful in evangelical drolleries. "

"Sire, " said the good vicar, "I commence. "

All the courtiers became silent, and arranged themselves into acircle, pliant as osiers before the father of Pantagruel who unfoldedto them the following tale, in words the illustrious eloquence ofwhich it is impossible to equal. But since this tale has only beenverbally handed down to us, the author will be pardoned if he writeafter his own fashion. 

"In his old age Gargantua took to strange habits, which greatlyastonished his household, but the which he was forgiven since he wasseven hundred and four years old, in spite of the statement of St. Clement of Alexandra in his Stromates, which makes out that at thistime he was a quarter of a day less, which matters little to us. Nowthis paternal master, seeing that everything was going wrong in hishouse, and that every one was fleecing him, conceived a great fearthat he would in his last moments be stripped of everything, andresolved to invent a more perfect system of management in his domains, and he did well. In a cellar of Gargantuan abode he hid away a fineheap of red wheat, beside twenty jars of mustard and severaldelicacies, such as plums and Tourainian rolls, articles of a dessert, Olivet cheese, goat cheese, and others, well known between Langeaisand Loches, pots of butter, hare pasties, preserved ducks, pigs'trotters in bran, boatloads and pots full of crushed peas, prettylittle pots of Orleans quince preserve, hogsheads of lampreys, measures of green sauce, river game, such as francolins, teal, sheldrake, heron, and flamingo, all preserved in sea-salt, driedraisins, tongues smoked in the manner invented by Happe-Mousche, hiscelebrated ancestor, and sweetstuff for Garga-melle on feast days; anda thousand other things which are detailed in the records of theRipuary laws and in certain folios of the Capitularies, Pragmatics, royal establishments, ordinances and institutions of the period. To bebrief, the good man, putting his spectacles on his nose or his nose inhis spectacles, looked about for a fine flying dragon or unicorn towhom the guard of this precious treasure could be committed. With thisthought in his head he strolled about the gardens. He did not desire aCoquecigrue, because the Egyptians were afraid of them, as it appearedin the Hieroglyphics. He dismissed the idea of engaging the legions ofCaucquemarres, because emperors disliked them and also the Romansaccording to that sulky fellow Tacitus. He rejected the Pechrocholiersin council assembled, the Magi, the Druids, the legion or Papimania, and the Massorets, who grew like quelch-grass and over-ran all theland, as he had been told by his son, Pantagruel, on his return fromhis journey. The good man calling to mind old stories, had noconfidence in any race, and if it had been permissible would haveimplored the Creator for a new one, but not daring to trouble Himabout such trifles, did not know whom to choose, and was thinking thathis wealth would be a great trouble to him, when he met in his path apretty little shrew-mouse of the noble race of shrew-mice, who bearall gules on an azure ground. By the gods! be sure that it was asplendid animal, with the finest tail of the whole family, and wasstrutting about in the sun like a brave shrew-mouse. It was proud ofhaving been in this world since the Deluge, according toletters-patent of indisputable nobility, registered by the parliamentof the universe, since it appears from the Ecumenical Inquiry ashrew-mouse was in Noah's Ark. " Here Master Alcofribas raised his capslightly, and said, reverently, "It was Noah, my lords, who plantedthe vine, and first had the honour of getting drunk upon the juice ofits fruit. "

"For it is certain, " he continued, "that a shrew-mouse was in thevessel from which we all came; but the men have made bad marriages;not so the mice, because they are more jealous of their coat of armsthan any other animals, and would not receive a field-mouse amongthem, even though he had the especial gift of being able to convertgrains of sand to fine fresh hazelnuts. This fine gentlemanlycharacter so pleased the good Gargantua, that he decided to give thepost of watching his granaries to the shrew-mouse, with the most ampleof powers--of justice, comittimus, missi dominici, clergy, men-at-arms, and all. The shrew-mouse promised faithfully toaccomplish his task, and to do his duty as a loyal beast, on conditionthat he lived on a heap of grain, which Gargantua thought perfectlyfair. The shrew-mouse began to caper about in his domain as happy as aprince who is happy, reconnoitering his immense empire of mustard, countries of sugar, provinces of ham, duchies of raisins, counties ofchitterlings, and baronies of all sorts, scrambling on to the heap ofgrain and frisking his tail against everything. To be brief, everywherewas the shrew-mouse received with honour by the pots, which kept arespectful silence, except two golden tankards, which knocked againsteach other like the bells of a church ringing a tocsin, at which he wasmuch pleased, and thanked them, right and left, by a nod of the head, while promenading in the rays of the sun, which were illuminating hisdomain. Therein so splendidly did the brown colour of his hair shineforth, that one would have thought him a northern king in his sablefurs. After his twists, turns, jumps and capers, he munched two grainsof corn, sat upon the heap like a king in full court, and fanciedhimself the most illustrious of shrew-mice. At this moment they camefrom their accustomed holes the gentlemen of the night-prowling court, who scamper with their little feet across the floors; these gentlemenbeing the rats, mice, and other gnawing, thieving, and crafty animals, of whom the citizens and housewives complain. When they saw theshrew-mouse they took fright, and all remained shyly at the thresholdof their dens. Among these common people, in spite of the danger, oneold infidel of the trotting, nibbling race of mice, advanced a little, and putting his nose in the air, had the courage to stare my lordshrew-mouse full in the face, although the latter was proudly squattedupon his rump, with his tail in the air; and he came to the conclusionthat he was a devil, from whom nothing but scratches were to be gained. And from these facts, Gargantua, in order that the high authority ofhis lieutenant might be universally known by all of the shrew-mice, cats, weasels, martins, field-mice, mice, rats, and other bad charactersof the same kidney, had lightly dipped his muzzle, pointed as a lardingpin, in oil of musk, which all shrew-mice have since inherited, because this one, is spite of the sage advice of Gargantua, rubbedhimself against others of his breed. From this sprang the troubles inthe Muzaraignia of which I will give you a good account in anhistorical book when I get an opportunity. 

"Then an old mouse, or rat--the rabbis of Talmud have not yet agreedconcerning the species--perceiving by this perfume that thisshrew-mouse was appointed to guard the grain of Gargantua, and hadbeen sprinkled with virtues, invested with full powers, and armed atall points, was alarmed lest he should no longer be able to live, according to the custom of mice, upon the meats, morsels, crusts, crumbs, leavings, bits, atoms, and fragments of this Canaan of rats. In this dilemma the good mouse, artful as an old courtier who hadlived under two regencies and three kings, resolved to try the mettleof the shrew-mouse, and devote himself to the salvation of the jaws ofhis race. This would have been a laudable thing in a man, but it wasfar more so in a mouse, belonging to a tribe who live for themselvesalone, barefacedly and shamelessly, and in order to gratify themselveswould defile a consecrated wafer, gnaw a priest's stole without shame, and would drink out of a Communion cup, caring nothing for God. Themouse advanced with many a bow and scrape, and the shrew-mouse let himadvance rather near--for, to tell the truth, these animals arenaturally short-sighted. Then this Curtius of nibblers made his littlespeech, not the jargon of common mice, but in the polite language ofshrew-mice:--'My lord, I have heard with much concern of your gloriousfamily, of which I am one of the most devoted slaves. I know thelegend of your ancestors, who were thought much of by the ancientEgyptians, who held them in great veneration, and adored them likeother sacred birds. Nevertheless, your fur robe is so royallyperfumed, and its colour is so splendiferously tanned, that I amdoubtful if I recognise you as belonging to this race, since I havenever seen any of them so gloriously attired. However you haveswallowed the grain after the antique fashion. Your proboscis is aproboscis of sapience; you have kicked like a learned shrew-mouse; butif you are a true shrew-mouse, you should have in I know not what partof your ear--I know not what special auditorial channel, which I knownot, what wonderful door, closes I know not how, and I know not withwhat movements, by your secret commands to give you, I know not why, licence not to listen to I know not what things, which would bedispleasing to you, on account of the special and peculiar perfectionof your faculty of hearing everything, which would often pain you. "

"'True, ' said the shrew-mouse, 'the door has just fallen. I hearnothing!'

"'Ah, I see, ' said the old rogue. 

"And he made for the pile of corn, from which he commenced to take hisstore for the winter. 

"'Did you hear anything?' asked he. 

"'I hear the pit-a-pat of my heart. '

"'Kouick!' cried all the mice; 'we shall be able to hoodwink him. '

"The shrew-mouse, fancying that he had met with a faithful vassal, opened the trap of his musical orifice, and heard the noise of thegrain going towards the hole. Then, without having recourse toforfeiture, the justice of commissaries, he sprang upon the old mouseand squeezed him to death. Glorious death! for the hero died in thethick of the grain, and was canonised as a martyr. The shrew-mousetook him by the ears and placed him on the door the granary, after thefashion of the Ottoman Porte, where my good Panurge was within an aceof being spitted. At the cries of the dying wretch the rats, mice, andothers made for their holes in great haste. When the night had fallenthey came to the cellar, convoked for the purpose of holding a councilto consider public affairs; to which meeting, in virtue of thePapyrian and other laws, their lawful wives were admitted. The ratswished to pass before the mice, and serious quarrels about precedencenearly spoiled everything; but a big rat gave his arm to a mouse, andthe gaffer rats and gammer mice being paired off in the same way, allwere soon seated on their rumps, tails in air, muzzles stretched, whiskers stiff, and their eyes brilliant as those of a falcon. Thencommenced a deliberation, which finished up with insults and aconfusion worthy of an ecumenical council of holy fathers. One saidthis and another said that, and a cat passing by took fright and ranaway, hearing these strange noises: 'Bou, bou, grou, ou, ou, houic, houic, briff, briffnac, nac, nac, fouix, fouix, trr, trr, trr, trr, za, za, zaaa, brr, brr, raaa, ra, ra, ra, fouix!' so well blendedtogether in a babel of sound, that a council at the Hotel de Villecould not have made a greater hubbub. During this tempest a littlemouse, who was not old enough to enter parliament, thrust through achink her inquiring snout, the hair on which was as downy as that ofall mice, too downy to be caught. As the tumult increased, by degreesher body followed her nose, until she came to the hoop of a cask, against which she so dextrously squatted that she might have beenmistaken for a work of art carved in antique bas-relief. Lifting hiseyes to heaven to implore a remedy for the misfortunes of the state, an old rat perceived this pretty mouse, so gentle and shapely, anddeclared that the State might be saved by her. All the muzzles turnedto this Lady of Good Help, became silent, and agreed to let her looseupon the shrew-mouse, and in spite of the anger of certain enviousmice, she was triumphantly marched around the cellar, where, seeingher walk mincingly, mechanically move her tail, shake her cunninglittle head, twitch her diaphanous ears, and lick with her little redtongue the hairs just sprouting on her cheeks, the old rats fell inlove with her and wagged their wrinkled, white-whiskered jaws withdelight at the sight of her, as did formerly the old men of Troy, admiring the lovely Helen, returning from her bath. Then the maidenwas conducted to the granary, with instructions to make a conquest ofthe shrew-mouse's heart, and save the fine red grain, as did formerlythe fair Hebrew, Esther, for the chosen people, with the EmperorAhasuerus, as is written in the master-book, for Bible comes from theGreek word biblos, as if to say the only book. The mouse promised todeliver the granaries, for by a lucky chance she was the queen ofmice, a fair, plump, pretty little mouse, the most delicate littlelady that ever scampered merrily across the floors, scratched betweenthe walls, and gave utterance to little cries of joy at finding nuts, meal, and crumbs of bread in her path; a true fay, pretty and playful, with an eye clear as crystal, a little head, sleek skin, amorous body, rosy feet, and velvet tail--a high born mouse and a polished speakerwith a natural love of bed and idleness--a merry mouse, more cunningthan an old Doctor of Sorbonne fed on parchment, lively, whitebellied, streaked on the back, with sweet moulded breasts, pearl-whiteteeth, and of a frank open nature--in fact, a true king's morsel. "

This portraiture was so bold--the mouse appearing to have been theliving image of Madame Diana, then present--that the courtiers stoodaghast. Queen Catherine smiled, but the king was in no laughinghumour. But Rabelais went on without paying any attention to the winksof the Cardinal Bellay and de Chatillon, who were terrified for thegood man. 

"The pretty mouse, " said he, continuing, "did not beat long about thebush, and from the first moment that she trotted before theshrew-mouse, she had enslaved him for ever by her coquetries, affectations, friskings, provocations, little refusals, piercingglances, and wiles of a maiden who desires yet dares not, amorousoglings, little caresses, preparatory tricks, pride of a mouse whoknows her value, laughings and squeakings, triflings and otherendearments, feminine, treacherous and captivating ways, all trapswhich are abundantly used by the females of all nations. When, aftermany wrigglings, smacks in the face, nose lickings, gallantries ofamorous shrew-mice, frowns, sighs, serenades, titbits, suppers anddinners on the pile of corn, and other attentions, the superintendentovercame the scruples of his beautiful mistress, he became the slaveof this incestuous and illicit love, and the mouse, leading her lordby the snout, became queen of everything, nibbled his cheese, ate thesweets, and foraged everywhere. This the shrew-mouse permitted to theempress of his heart, although he was ill at ease, having broken hisoath made to Gargantua, and betrayed the confidence placed in him. Pursuing her advantage with the pertinacity of a woman, one night theywere joking together, the mouse remembered the dear old fellow herfather, and desiring that he should make his meals off the grain, shethreatened to leave her lover cold and lonely in his domain if he didnot allow her to indulge her filial piety. In the twinkling of amouse's eye he had granted letters patent, sealed with a green seal, with tags of crimson silk, to his wench's father, so that theGargantuan palace was open to him at all hours, and he was at libertysee his good, virtuous daughter, kiss her on the forehead, and eat hisfill, but always in a corner. Then there arrived a venerable old rat, weighing about twenty-five ounces, with a white tail, marching like thepresident of a Court of Justice, wagging his head, and followed byfifteen or twenty nephews, all with teeth as sharp as saws, whodemonstrated to the shrew-mouse by little speeches and questions of allkinds that they, his relations, would soon be loyally attached to him, and would help him to count the things committed to his charge, arrangeand ticket them, in order that when Gargantua came to visit them hewould find everything in perfect order. There was an air of truth aboutthese promises. The poor shrew-mouse was, however, in spite of thisspeech, troubled by ideas from on high, and serious pricking ofshrew-mousian conscience. Seeing that he turned up his nose ateverything, went about slowly and with a careworn face, one morning themouse who was pregnant by him, conceived the idea of calming his doubtsand easing his mind by a Sorbonnical consultation, and sent for thedoctors of his tribe. During the day she introduced to him one, SieurEvegault, who had just stepped out of a cheese where he lived in perfectabstinence, an old confessor of high degree, a merry fellow of goodappearance, with a fine black skin, firm as a rock, and slightlytonsured on the head by the pat of a cat's claw. He was a grave rat, with a monastical paunch, having much studied scientific authoritiesby nibbling at their works in parchments, papers, books and volumes ofwhich certain fragments had remained upon his grey beard. In honour ofand great reverence for his great virtue and wisdom, and his modestlife, he was accompanied by a black troop of black rats, all bringingwith them pretty little mice, their sweethearts, for not havingadopted the canons of the council of Chesil, it was lawful for them tohave respectable women for concubines. These beneficed rats, beingarranged in two lines, you might have fancied them a procession of theuniversity authorities going to Lendit. And they all began to sniffthe victuals. 

"When the ceremony of placing them all was complete, the old cardinalof the rats lifted up his voice, and in a good rat-latin orationpointed out to the guardian of the grain that no one but God wassuperior to him; and that to God alone he owed obedience, and heentertained him with many fine phrases, stuffed with evangelicalquotations, to disturb the principal and fog his flock; in fact, fineargument interlarded with much sound sense. The discourse finishedwith a peroration full of high sounding words in honour of shrew-mice, among whom his hearer was the most illustrious and best beneath thesun; and this oration considerably bewildered the keeper of thegranary. 

"This good gentleman's head was thoroughly turned, and he installedthis fine speaking rat and his tribe in his manor, where night and dayhis praises and little songs in his honour were sung, not forgettinghis lady, whose little paw was kissed and little tail was sniffed atby all. Finally, the mistress, knowing that certain young rats werestill fasting, determined to finish her work. Then she kissed her lordtenderly, loading him with love, and performing those little endearingantics of which one alone was sufficient to send a beast to perdition;and said to the shrew-mouse that he wasted the precious time due totheir love by travelling about, that he was always going here orthere, and that she never had her proper share of him; that when shewanted his society, he was on the leads chasing the cats, and that shewished him always to be ready to her hand like a lance, and kind as abird. Then in her great grief she tore out a grey hair, declaringherself, weepingly, to be the most wretched little mouse in the world. The shrew-mouse pointed out to her that she was the mistress ofeverything, and wished to resist, but after the lady had shed atorrent of tears he implored a truce and considered her request. Theninstantly drying her tears, and giving him her paw to kiss, sheadvised him to arm some soldiers, trusty and tried rats, old warriors, who would go the rounds to keep watch. Everything was thus wiselyarranged. The shrew-mouse had the rest of the day to dance, play, andamuse himself, listen to the roundelays and ballads which the poetscomposed in his honour, play the lute and the mandore, make acrostics, eat, drink and be merry. One day his mistress having just risen fromher confinement, after having given birth to the sweetest littlemouse-sorex or sorex-mouse, I know not what name was given to thismongrel food of love, whom you may be sure, the gentlemen in the longrobe would manage to legitimise" (the constable of Montmorency, whohad married his son to a legitimised bastard of the king's, here puthis hand to his sword and clutched the handle fiercely), "a grandfeast was given in the granaries, to which no court festival or galacould be compared, not even that of the Field of the Cloth of Gold. Inevery corner mice were making merry. Everywhere there were dances, concerts, banquets, sarabands, music, joyous songs, and epithalamia. The rats had broken open the pots, and uncovered the jars, lapped thegallipots, and unpacked the stores. The mustard was strewn over theplace, the hams were mangled and the corn scattered. Everything wasrolling, tumbling, and falling about the floor, and the little ratsdabbled in puddles of green sauce, the mice navigated oceans ofsweetmeats, and the old folks carried off the pasties. There were miceastride salt tongues. Field-mice were swimming in the pots, and themost cunning of them were carrying the corn into their private holes, profiting by the confusion to make ample provision for themselves. Noone passed the quince confection of Orleans without saluting it withone nibble, and oftener with two. It was like a Roman carnival. Inshort, anyone with a sharp ear might have heard the frizzlingfrying-pans, the cries and clamours of the kitchens, the crackling oftheir furnaces, the noise of the turnspits, the creaking of baskets, the haste of the confectioners, the click of the meat-jacks, and thenoise of the little feet scampering thick as hail over the floor. Itwas a bustling wedding-feast, where people come and go, footmen, stablemen, cooks, musicians, buffoons, where everyone pays complimentsand makes a noise. In short, so great was the delight that they keptup a general wagging of the head to celebrate this eventful night. Butsuddenly there was heard the horrible foot-fall of Gargantua, who wasascending the stairs of his house to visit the granaries, and made theplanks, the beams, and everything else tremble. Certain old rats askedeach other what might mean this seignorial footstep, with which theywere unacquainted, and some of them decamped, and they did well, forthe lord and master entered suddenly. Perceiving the confusion thesegentleman had made, seeing his preserves eaten, his mustard unpacked, and everything dirtied and scratched about, he put his feet upon theselively vermin without giving them time to squeak, and thus spoiledtheir best clothes, satins, pearls, velvets, and rubbish, and upsetthe feast. "

"And what became of the shrew-mouse?" said the king, waking from hisreverie. 

"Ah, sire!" replied Rabelais, "herein we see the injustice of theGargantuan tribe. He was put to death, but being a gentleman he wasbeheaded. That was ill done, for he had been betrayed. "

"You go rather far, my good man, " said the king. 

"No sire, " replied Rabelais, "but rather high. Have you not sunk thecrown beneath the pulpit? You asked me for a sermon; I have given youone which is gospel. "

"My fine vicar, " said Madame Diana, in his ear, "suppose I werespiteful?"

"Madame, " said Rabelais, "was it not well then of me to warn the king, your master, against the queen's Italians, who are as plentiful hereas cockchafers?"

"Poor preacher, " said Cardinal Odet, in his ear, "go to anothercountry. "

"Ah! monsieur, " replied the old fellow, "ere long I shall be inanother land. "

"God's truth! Mr. Scribbler, " said the constable (whose son, aseveryone knows, had treacherously deserted Mademoiselle de Piennes, towhom he was betrothed, to espouse Diana of France, daughter of themistress of certain high personages and of the king), "who made theeso bold as to slander persons of quality? Ah, wretched poet, you liketo raise yourself high; well then, I promise to put you in a good highplace. "

"We shall all go there, my lord constable, " replied the old man: "butif you are friendly to the state and to the king you will thank me forhaving warned him against the hordes of Lorraine, who are evils thatwill devour everything. "

"My good man, " whispered Cardinal Charles of Lorraine, "if you need afew gold crowns to publish your fifth book of Pantagruel you can cometo me for them, because you have put the case clearly to the enemy, who has bewitched the king, and also to her pack. "

"Well, gentlemen, " said the king, "what do you think of the sermon?"

"Sire, " said Mellin de Saint-Gelais, seeing that all were wellpleased, "I had never heard a better Pantagruelian prognostication. Much do we owe to him who made these leonine verses in the Abbey ofTheleme:--

 '"Cy vous entrez, qui le saint Evangile En sens agile annoncez, quoy qu'on gronde, Ceans aurez une refuge et bastile, Contre l'hostile erreur qui tant postille Par son faux style empoisonner le monde. '"

 ['"Should ye who enter here profess in jubilation Our gospel of elation, then suffer dolts to curse! Here refuge shall ye find, and sure circumvallation Against the protestation of those whose delectation Brings false abomination to blight the universe. '"]

All the courtiers having applauded their companion, each onecomplimented Rabelais, who took his departure accompanied with greathonour by the king's pages, who, by express command held torchesbefore him. 

Some persons have charged Francis Rabelais, the imperial honour of ourland, with spiteful tricks and apish pranks, unworthy of his Homericphilosophy, of this prince of wisdom of this fatherly centre, fromwhich have issued since the rising of his subterranean light a goodnumber of marvellous works. Out upon those who would defile thisdivine head! All their life long may they find grit between theirteeth, those who have ignored his good and moderate nourishment. 

Dear drinker of pure water, faithful servant or monachal abstinence, wisest of wise men, how would thy sides ache with laughter, howwouldst thou chuckle, if thou couldst come again for a little while toChinon, and read the idiotic mouthings, and the maniacal babble of thefools who have interpreted, commentated, torn, disgraced, misunderstood, betrayed, defiled, adulterated and meddled with thypeerless book. As many dogs as Panurge found busy with his lady's robeat church, so many two-legged academic puppies have busied themselveswith befouling the high marble pyramid in which is cemented for everthe seed of all fantastic and comic inventions, besides magnificentinstruction in all things. Although rare are the pilgrims who have thebreath to follow thy bark in its sublime peregrination through theocean of ideas, methods, varieties, religions, wisdom, and humantrickeries, at least their worship is unalloyed, pure, andunadulterated, and thine omnipotence, omniscience, and omni-languageare by them bravely recognised. Therefore has a poor son of our merryTouraine here been anxious, however unworthily, to do thee homage bymagnifying thine image, and glorifying the works of eternal memory, socherished by those who love the concentrative works wherein theuniversal moral is contained, wherein are found, pressed like sardinesin their boxes, philosophical ideas on every subject, science, art andeloquence, as well as theatrical mummeries. 

 THE SUCCUBUS

Prologue

A number of persons of the noble country of Touraine, considerablyedified by the warm search which the author is making into theantiquities, adventures, good jokes, and pretty tales of that blessedland, and believing for certain that he should know everything, haveasked him (after drinking with him of course understood), if he haddiscovered the etymological reason, concerning which all the ladies ofthe town are so curious, and from which a certain street in Tours iscalled the Rue Chaude. By him it was replied, that he was muchastonished to see that the ancient inhabitants had forgotten the greatnumber of convents situated in this street, where the severecontinence of the monks and nuns might have caused the walls to bemade so hot that some woman of position should increase in size fromwalking too slowly along them to vespers. A troublesome fellow, wishing to appear learned, declared that formerly all thescandalmongers of the neighbourhood were wont to meet in this place. Another entangled himself in the minute suffrages of science, andpoured forth golden words without being understood, qualifying words, harmonising the melodies of the ancient and modern, congregatingcustoms, distilling verbs, alchemising all languages since the Deluge, of the Hebrew, Chaldeans, Egyptians, Greeks, Latins, and of Turnus, the ancient founder of Tours; and the good man finished by declaringthat chaude or chaulde with the exception of the H and the L, camefrom Cauda, and that there was a tail in the affair, but the ladiesonly understood the end of it. An old man observed that in this sameplace was formerly a source of thermal water, of which his great greatgrandfather had drunk. In short, in less time than it takes a fly toembrace its sweetheart, there had been a pocketful of etymologies, inwhich the truth of the matter had been less easily found than a lousein the filthy beard of a Capuchin friar. But a man well learned andwell informed, through having left his footprint in many monasteries, consumed much midnight oil, and manured his brain with many a volume--himself more encumbered with pieces, dyptic fragments, boxes, charters, and registers concerning the history of Touraine than is agleaner with stalks of straw in the month of August--this man, old, infirm, and gouty, who had been drinking in his corner without sayinga word, smiled the smile of a wise man and knitted his brows, the saidsmile finally resolving itself into a pish! well articulated, whichthe Author heard and understood it to be big with an adventurehistorically good, the delights of which he would be able to unfold inthis sweet collection. 

To be brief, on the morrow this gouty old fellow said to him, "By yourpoem, which is called 'The Venial Sin, ' you have forever gained myesteem, because everything therein is true from head to foot--which Ibelieve to be a precious superabundance in such matters. But doubtlessyou do not know what became of the Moor placed in religion by the saidknight, Bruyn de la Roche-Corbon. I know very well. Now if thisetymology of the street harass you, and also the Egyptian nun, I willlend you a curious and antique parchment, found by me in the Olim ofthe episcopal palace, of which the libraries were a little knockedabout at a period when none of us knew if he would have the pleasureof his head's society on the morrow. Now will not this yield you aperfect contentment?"

"Good!" said the author. 

Then this worthy collector of truths gave certain rare and dustyparchments to the author, the which he has, not without great labour, translated into French, and which were fragments of a most ancientecclesiastical process. He has believed that nothing would be moreamusing than the actual resurrection of this antique affair, whereinshines forth the illiterate simplicity of the good old times. Now, then, give ear. This is the order in which were the manuscripts, ofwhich the author has made use in his own fashion, because the languagewas devilishly difficult. 

IWHAT THE SUCCUBUS WAS. 

_In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. _

In the year of our Lord, one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, before me, Hierome Cornille, grand inquisitor and ecclesiastical judge(thereto commissioned by the members of the chapter of Saint Maurice, the cathedral of Tours, having of this deliberated in the presence ofour Lord Jean de Montsoreau, archbishop--namely, the grievances andcomplaints of the inhabitants of the said town, whose request is heresubjoined), have appeared certain noblemen, citizens, and inhabitantsof the diocese, who have stated the following facts concerning a demonsuspected of having taken the features of a woman, who has muchafflicted the minds of the diocese, and is at present a prisoner inthe jail of the chapter; and in order to arrive at the truth of thesaid charge we have opened the present court, this Monday, theeleventh day of December, after mass, to communicate the evidence ofeach witness to the said demon, to interrogate her upon the saidcrimes to her imputed, and to judge her according to the laws enforced_contra demonios_. 

In this inquiry has assisted me to write the evidence therein given, Guillaume Tournebouche, rubrican of the chapter, a learned man. 

Firstly has come before us one Jehan, surnamed Tortebras, a citizen ofTours, keeping by licence the hostelry of La Cigoyne, situated on thePlace du Pont, and who has sworn by the salvation of his soul, hishand upon the holy Evangelists, to state no other thing than thatwhich by himself hath been seen and heard. 

He hath stated as here followeth:--

"I declare that about two years before the feast of St. Jehan, uponwhich are the grand illuminations, a gentleman, at first unknown tome, but belonging without doubt to our lord the King, and at that timereturned to our country from the Holy Land, came to me with theproposition that I should let to him at rental a certain country-houseby me built, in the quit rent of the chapter over against the placecalled of St. Etienne, and the which I let to him for nine years, forthe consideration of three besans of fine gold. In the said house wasplaced by the said knight a fair wench having the appearance of awoman, dressed in the strange fashion of the Saracens Mohammedans, whom he would allow by none to be seen or to be approached within abow-shot, but whom I have seen with mine own eyes, weird feathers uponher head, and eyes so flaming that I cannot adequately describe them, and from which gleamed forth a fire of hell. The defunct knight havingthreatened with death whoever should appear to spy about the saidhouse, I have by reason of great fear left the said house, and I haveuntil this day secretly kept to my mind certain presumptions anddoubts concerning the bad appearance of the said foreigner, who wasmore strange than any woman, her equal not having as yet by me beenseen. 

"Many persons of all conditions having at the time believed the saidknight to be dead, but kept upon his feet by virtue of the saidcharms, philters, spells, and diabolical sorceries of this seemingwoman, who wished to settle in our country, I declare that I havealways seen the said knight so ghastly pale that I can only comparehis face to the wax of a Paschal candle, and to the knowledge of allthe people of the hostelry of La Cigoyne, this knight was interrednine days after his first coming. According to the statement of hisgroom, the defunct had been chalorously coupled with the said Moorishwoman during seven whole days shut up in my house, without coming outfrom her, the which I heard him horribly avow upon his deathbed. Certain persons at the present time have accused this she-devil ofholding the said gentleman in her clutches by her long hair, the whichwas furnished with certain warm properties by means of which arecommunicated to Christians the flames of hell in the form of love, which work in them until their souls are by this means drawn fromtheir bodies and possessed by Satan. But I declare that I have seennothing of this excepting the said dead knight, bowelless, emaciated, wishing, in spite of his confessor, still to go to this wench; andthen he has been recognised as the lord de Bueil, who was a crusader, and who was, according to certain persons of the town, under the spellof a demon whom he had met in the Asiatic country of Damascus orelsewhere. 

"Afterwards I have let my house to the said unknown lady, according tothe clauses of the deed of lease. The said lord of Bueil, beingdefunct, I had nevertheless been into my house in order to learn fromthe said foreign woman if she wished to remain in my dwelling, andafter great trouble was led before her by a strange, half-naked blackman, whose eyes were white. 

"Then I have seen the said Moorish woman in a little room, shiningwith gold and jewels, lighted with strange lights, upon an Asiaticcarpet, where she was seated, lightly attired, with another gentleman, who was there imperiling his soul; and I had not the heart bold enoughto look upon her, seeing that her eyes would have incited meimmediately to yield myself up to her, for already her voice thrilledinto my very belly, filled my brain, and debauched my mind. Findingthis, from the fear of God, and also of hell, I have departed withswift feet, leaving my house to her as long as she liked to retain it, so dangerous was it to behold that Moorish complexion from whichradiated diabolical heats, besides a foot smaller than it was lawfulin a real woman to possess; and to hear her voice, which pierced intoone's heart! And from that day I have lacked the courage to enter myhouse from great fear of falling into hell. I have said my say. "

To the said Tortebras we have then shown an Abyssinian, Nubian orEthiopian, who, black from head to foot, had been found wanting incertain virile properties with which all good Christians are usuallyfurnished, who, having persevered in his silence, after having beentormented and tortured many times, not without much moaning, haspersisted in being unable to speak the language of our country. Andthe said Tortebras has recognised the said Abyss heretic as havingbeen in his house in company with the said demoniacal spirit, and issuspected of having lent his aid to her sorcery. 

And the said Tortebras has confessed his great faith in the Catholicreligion, and declared no other things to be within his knowledge savecertain rumours which were known to every one, of which he had been inno way a witness except in the hearing of them. 

In obedience to the citations served upon him, has appeared then, Matthew, surname Cognefestu, a day-labourer of St. Etienne, whom, after having sworn by the holy Evangelists to speak the truth, hasconfessed to us always to have seen a bright light in the dwelling ofthe said foreign woman, and heard much wild and diabolical laughter onthe days and nights of feasts and fasts, notably during the days ofthe holy and Christmas weeks, as if a great number of people were inthe house. And he has sworn to have seen by the windows of the saiddwellings, green buds of all kinds in the winter, growing as if bymagic, especially roses in a time of frost, and other things for whichthere was a need of a great heat; but of this he was in no wayastonished, seeing that the said foreigner threw out so much heat thatwhen she walked in the evening by the side of his wall he found on themorrow his salad grown; and on certain occasions she had by thetouching of her petticoats, caused the trees to put forth leaves andhasten the buds. Finally, the said, Cognefestu has declared to us toknow no more, because he worked from early morning, and went to bed atthe same hour as the fowls. 

Afterwards the wife of the aforesaid Cognefestu has by us beenrequired to state also upon oath the things come to her cognisance inthis process, and has avowed naught save praises of the saidforeigner, because since her coming her man had treated her better inconsequence of the neighbourhood of this good lady, who filled the airwith love, as the sun did light, and other incongruous nonsense, whichwe have not committed to writing. 

To the said Cognefestu and to his wife we have shown the said unknownAfrican, who has been seen by them in the gardens of the house, and isstated by them for certain to belong to the said demon. In the thirdplace, has advanced Harduin V. , lord of Maille, who being by usreverentially begged to enlighten the religion of the church, hasexpressed his willingness so to do, and has, moreover, engaged hisword, as a gallant knight, to say no other thing than that which hehas seen. Then he has testified to have known in the army of theCrusades the demon in question, and in the town of Damascus to haveseen the knight of Bueil, since defunct, fight at close quarters to beher sole possessor. The above-mentioned wench, or demon, belonged atthat time to the knight Geoffroy IV. , Lord of Roche-Pozay, by whom shewas said to have been brought from Touraine, although she was aSaracen; concerning which the knights of France marvelled much, aswell as at her beauty, which made a great noise and a thousandscandalous ravages in the camp. During the voyage this wench was thecause of many deaths, seeing that Roche-Pozay had already discomfitedcertain Crusaders, who wished to keep her to themselves, because sheshed, according to certain knights petted by her in secret, joysaround her comparable to none others. But in the end the knight ofBueil, having killed Geoffroy de la Roche-Pozay, became lord andmaster of this young murderess, and placed her in a convent, or harem, according to the Saracen custom. About this time one used to see herand hear her chattering as entertainment many foreign dialects, suchas the Greek or the Latin empire, Moorish, and, above all, Frenchbetter than any of those who knew the language of France best in theChristian host, from which sprang the belief that she was demoniacal. 

The said knight Harduin has confessed to us not to have tilted for herin the Holy Land, not from fear, coldness or other cause, so much asthat he believed the time had arrived for him to bear away a portionof the true cross, and also he had belonging to him a noble lady ofthe Greek country, who saved him from this danger in denuding him oflove, morning and night, seeing that she took all of it substantiallyfrom him, leaving him none in his heart or elsewhere for others. 

And the said knight has assured us that the woman living in thecountry house of Tortebras, was really the said Saracen woman, comeinto the country from Syria, because he had been invited to a midnightfeast at her house by the young Lord of Croixmare, who expired theseventh day afterwards, according to the statement of the Dame deCroixmare, his mother, ruined all points by the said wench, whosecommerce with him had consumed his vital spirit, and whose strangephantasies had squandered his fortune. 

Afterwards questioned in his quality of a man full of prudence, wisdomand authority in this country, upon the ideas entertained concerningthe said woman, and summoned by us to open his conscience, seeing thatit was a question of a most abominable case of Christian faith anddivine justice, answer has been made by the said knight:--

That by certain of the host of Crusaders it has been stated to himthat always this she-devil was a maid to him who embraced her, andthat Mammon was for certain occupied in her, making for her a newvirtue for each of her lovers, and a thousand other foolish sayings ofdrunken men, which were not of a nature to form a fifth gospel. Butfor a fact, he, an old knight on that turn of life, and knowingnothing more of the aforesaid, felt himself again a young man in thatlast supper with which he had been regaled by the lord of Croixmare;then the voice of this demon went straight to his heart before flowinginto his ears, and had awakened so great a love in his body that hislife was ebbing from the place whence it should flow, and thateventually, but for the assistance of Cyprus wine, which he had drunkto blind his sight, and his getting under the table in order no longerto gaze upon the fiery eyes of his diabolical hostess, and not to rendhis heart from her, without doubt he would have fought the youngCroixmare, in order to enjoy for a single moment this supernaturalwoman. Since then he had had absolution from his confessor for thewicked thought. Then, by advice from on high, he had carried back tohis house his portion of the true Cross, and had remained in his ownmanor, where, in spite of his Christian precautions, the said voicestill at certain times tickled his brain, and in the morning often hadhe in remembrance this demon, warm as brimstone; and because the lookof this wench was so warm that it made him burn like a young man, behalf dead, and because it cost him then many transshipments of thevital spirit, the said knight has requested us not to confront himwith the empress of love to whom, if it were not the devil, God theFather had granted strange liberties with the minds of men. Afterwards, he retired, after reading over his statement, not withouthaving first recognised the above-mentioned African to be the servantand page of the lady. 

In the fourth place, upon the faith pledged in us in the name of theChapter and of our Lord Archbishop, that he should not be tormented, tortured, nor harassed in any manner, nor further cited after hisstatement, in consequence of his commercial journeys, and upon theassurance that he should retire in perfect freedom, has come before usa Jew, Salomon al Rastchid, who, in spite of the infamy of his personand his Judaism, has been heard by us to this one end, to knoweverything concerning the conduct of the aforesaid demon. Thus he hasnot been required to take any oath this Salomon, seeing that he isbeyond the pale of the Church, separated from us by the blood of oursaviour (trucidatus Salvatore inter nos). Interrogated by us as to whyhe appeared without the green cap upon his head, and the yellow wheelin the apparent locality of the heart in his garment, according to theecclesiastical and royal ordinances, the said de Rastchid hasexhibited to us letters patent of the seneschal of Touraine andPoitou. Then the said Jew has declared to us to have done a largebusiness for the lady dwelling in the house of the innkeeperTortebras, to have sold to her golden chandeliers, with many branches, minutely engraved, plates of red silver, cups enriched with stones, emeralds and rubies; to have brought for her from the Levant a numberof rare stuffs, Persian carpets, silks, and fine linen; in fact, things so magnificent that no queen in Christendom could say she wasso well furnished with jewels and household goods; and that he had forhis part received from her three hundred thousand pounds for therarity of the purchases in which he had been employed, such as Indianflowers, poppingjays, birds' feathers, spices, Greek wines, anddiamonds. Requested by us, the judge, to say if he had furnishedcertain ingredients of magical conjuration, the blood of new-bornchildren, conjuring books, and things generally and whatsoever madeuse of by sorcerers, giving him licence to state his case without thatthereupon he should be the subject to any further inquest or inquiry, the said al Rastchid has sworn by his Hebrew faith never to have hadany such commerce; and has stated that he was involved in too highinterests to give himself to such miseries, seeing that he was theagent of certain most powerful lords, such as the Marquis deMontferrat, the King of England, the King of Cyprus and Jerusalem, theCourt of Provence, lords of Venice, and many German gentleman; to havebelonging to him merchant galleys of all kinds, going into Egypt withthe permission of the Sultan, and he trafficking in precious articlesof silver and of gold, which took him often into the exchange ofTours. Moreover, he has declared that he considered the said lady, thesubject of inquiry, to be a right royal and natural woman, with thesweetest limbs, and the smallest he has ever seen. That in consequenceof her renown for a diabolical spirit, pushed by a wild imagination, and also because that he was smitten with her, he had heard once thatshe was husbandless, proposed to her to be her gallant, to whichproposition she willingly acceded. Now, although from that night hefelt his bones disjointed and his bowels crushed, he had not yetexperienced, as certain persons say, that who once yielded was free nomore; he went to his fate as lead into the crucible of the alchemist. Then the said Salomon, to whom we have granted his liberty accordingto the safe conduct, in spite of the statement, which provesabundantly his commerce with the devil, because he had been savedthere where all Christians have succumbed, has admitted to us anagreement concerning the said demon. To make known that he had made anoffer to the chapter of the cathedral to give for the said semblanceof a woman such a ransom, if she were condemned to be burned alive, that the highest of the towers of the Church of St. Maurice, atpresent in course of construction, could therewith be finished. 

The which we have noted to be deliberated upon at an opportune time bythe assembled chapter. And the said Salomon has taken his departurewithout being willing to indicate his residence, and has told us thathe can be informed of the deliberation of the chapter by a Jew of thesynagogue of Tours, a name Tobias Nathaneus. The said Jew has beforehis departure been shown the African, and has recognised him as thepage of the demon, and has stated the Saracens to have the custom ofmutilating their slaves thus, to commit to them the task of guardingtheir women by an ancient usage, as it appears in the profanehistories of Narsez, general of Constantinople, and others. 

On the morrow after mass has appeared before us the most noble andillustrious lady of Croixmare. The same has worn her faith in the holyEvangelists, and has related to us with tears how she had placed hereldest son beneath the earth, dead by reason of his extravagant amourswith this female demon. The which noble gentleman was three-and-twentyyears of age; of good complexion, very manly and well bearded like hisdefunct sire. Notwithstanding his great vigour, in ninety days he hadlittle by little withered, ruined by his commerce with the succubus ofthe Rue Chaude, according to the statement of the common people; andher maternal authority over the son had been powerless. Finally in hislatter days he appeared like a poor dried up worm, such ashousekeepers meet with in a corner when they clean out thedwelling-rooms. And always, so long as he had the strength to go, hewent to shorten his life with this cursed woman; where, also, heemptied his cash-box. When he was in his bed, and knew his last hourhad come, he swore at, cursed, and threatened and heaped upon all--hissister, his brother, and upon her his mother--a thousand insults, rebelled in the face of the chaplain; denied God, and wished to die indamnation; at which were much afflicted the retainers of the family, who, to save his soul and pluck it from hell, have founded two annualmasses in the cathedral. And in order to have him buried in consecratedground, the house of Croixmare has undertaken to give to the chapter, during one hundred years, the wax candles for the chapels and thechurch, upon the day of the Paschal feast. And, in conclusion, savingthe wicked words heard by the reverend person, Dom Loys Pot, a nun ofMarmoustiers, who came to assist in his last hours the said Baron deCroixmaire affirms never to have heard any words offered by thedefunct, touching the demon who had undone him. 

And therewith has retired the noble and illustrious lady in deepmourning. 

In the sixth place has appeared before us, after adjournment, Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing, a kitchen scullion, going to houses towash dishes, residing at present in the Fishmarket, who, after havingplaced her word to say nothing she did not hold to be true, hasdeclared as here follows:--Namely, that one day she, being come intothe kitchen of the said demon, of whom she had no fear, because shewas wont to regale herself only upon males, she had the opportunity ofseeing in the garden this female demon, superbly attired, walking incompany with a knight, with whom she was laughing, like a naturalwoman. Then she had recognised in this demon that true likeness of theMoorish woman placed as a nun in the convent of Notre Dame del'Egrignolles by the defunct seneschal of Touraine and Poitou, MessireBruyn, Count of Roche-Corbon, the which Moorish woman had been left inthe situation and place of the image of our Lady the Virgin, themother of our Blessed Saviour, stolen by the Egyptians about eighteenyears since. Of this time, in consequence of the troubles come aboutin Touraine, no record has been kept. This girl, aged about twelveyears, was saved from the stake at which she would have been burned bybeing baptised; and the said defunct and his wife had then beengodfather and godmother to this child of hell. Being at that timelaundress at the convent, she who bears witness has remembrance of theflight which the said Egyptian took twenty months after her entry intothe convent, so subtilely that it has never been known how or by whatmeans she escaped. At that time it was thought by all, that with thedevil's aid she had flown away in the air, seeing that notwithstanding much search, no trace of her flight was found in theconvent, where everything remained in its accustomed order. 

The African having been shown to the said scullion, she has declarednot to have seen him before, although she was curious to do so, as hewas commissioned to guard the place in which the Moorish womancombated with those whom she drained through the spigot. 

In the seventh place has been brought before us Hugues de Fou, son ofthe Sieur de Bridore, who, aged twenty years, has been placed in thehands of his father, under caution of his estates, and by him isrepresented in this process, whom it concerns if should be dulyattained and convicted of having, assisted by several unknown and badyoung men, laid siege to the jail of the archbishop and of thechapter, and of having lent himself to disturb the force ofecclesiastical justice, by causing the escape of the demon now underconsideration. In spite of the evil disposition we have commanded thesaid Hugues de Fou to testify truly, touching the things he shouldknow concerning the said demon, with whom he is vehemently reputed tohave had commerce, pointing out to him that it was a question of hissalvation and of the life of the said demon. He, after having takenthe oath, he said:--

"I swear by my eternal salvation, and by the holy Evangelists herepresent under my hand, to hold the woman suspected of being a demon tobe an angel, a perfect woman, and even more so in mind than in body, living in all honesty, full of the migniard charms and delights oflove, in no way wicked, but most generous, assisting greatly the poorand suffering. I declare that I have seen her weeping veritable tearsfor the death of my friend, the knight of Croixmare. And because onthat day she had made a vow to our Lady the Virgin no more to receivethe love of young noblemen too weak in her service; she has to meconstantly and with great courage denied the enjoyment of her body, and has only granted to me love, and the possession of her heart, ofwhich she has made sovereign. Since this gracious gift, in spite of myincreasing flame I have remained alone in her dwelling, where I havespent the greater part of my days, happy in seeing and in hearing her. Oh! I would eat near her, partake of the air which entered into herlungs, of the light which shone in her sweet eyes, and found in thisoccupation more joy than have the lords of paradise. Elected by me tobe forever my lady, chosen to be one day my dove, my wife, and onlysweetheart, I, poor fool, have received from her no advances on thejoys of the future, but, on the contrary, a thousand virtuousadmonitions; such as that I should acquire renown as a good knight, become a strong man and a fine one, fear nothing except God; honourthe ladies, serve but one and love them in memory of that one; thatwhen I should be strengthened by the work of war, if her heart stillpleased mine, at that time only would she be mine, because she wouldbe able to wait for me, loving me so much. "

So saying the young Sire Hugues wept, and weeping, added:--

"That thinking of this graceful and feeble woman, whose arms seemedscarcely large enough to sustain the light weight of her goldenchains, he did not know how to contain himself while fancying theirons which would wound her, and the miseries with which she wouldtraitorously be loaded, and from this cause came his rebellion. Andthat he had licence to express his sorrow before justice, because hislife was so bound up with that of his delicious mistress andsweetheart that on the day when evil came to her he would surely die. "

And the same young man has vociferated a thousand other praises of thesaid demon, which bear witness to the vehement sorcery practised uponhim, and prove, moreover, the abominable, unalterable, and incurablelife and the fraudulent witcheries to which he is at present subject, concerning which our lord the archbishop will judge, in order to saveby exorcisms and penitences this young soul from the snares of hell, if the devil has not gained too strong a hold of it. 

Then we have handed back the said young nobleman into the custody ofthe noble lord his father, after that by the said Hugues, the Africanhas been recognised as the servant of the accused. 

In the eighth place, before us, have the footguards of our lord thearchbishop led in great state the MOST HIGH AND REVEREND LADYJACQUELINE DE CHAMPCHEVRIER, ABBESS OF THE CONVENT OF NOTRE-DAME, under the invocation of Mount Carmel, to whose control has beensubmitted by the late seneschal of Touraine, father of Monseigneur theCount of Roche-Corbon, present advocate of the said convent, theEgyptian, named at the baptismal font Blanche Bruyn. 

To the said abbess we have shortly stated the present cause, in whichis involved the holy church, the glory of God, and the eternal futureof the people of the diocese afflicted with a demon, and also the lifeof a creature who it was possible might be quite innocent. Then thecause elaborated, we have requested the said noble abbess to testifythat which was within her knowledge concerning the magicaldisappearance of her daughter in God, Blanche Bruyn, espoused by ourSaviour under the name of Sister Clare. 

Then has stated the very high, very noble, and very illustrious ladyabbess as follows:--

"The Sister Clare, of origin to her unknown, but suspected to be of anheretic father and mother, people inimical to God, has truly beenplaced in religion in the convent of which the government hadcanonically come to her in spite of her unworthiness; that the saidsister had properly concluded her noviciate, and made her vowsaccording to the holy rule of the order. That the vows taken, she hadfallen into great sadness, and had much drooped. Interrogated by her, the abbess, concerning her melancholy malady, the said sister hadreplied with tears that she herself did not know the cause. That onethousand and one tears engendered themselves in her at feeling no moreher splendid hair upon her head; that besides this she thirsted forair, and could not resist her desire to jump up into the trees, toclimb and tumble about according to her wont during her open air life;that she passed her nights in tears, dreaming of the forests under theleaves of which in other days she slept; and in remembrance of thisshe abhorred the quality of the air of the cloisters, which troubledher respiration; that in her inside she was troubled with evilvapours; that at times she was inwardly diverted in church by thoughtswhich made her lose countenance. Then I have repeated over and overagain to the poor creature the holy directions of the church, havereminded her of the eternal happiness which women without seeing enjoyin paradise, and how transitory was life here below, and certain thegoodness of God, who for first certain bitter pleasures lost, kept forus a love without end. Is spite of this wise maternal advice the evilspirit has persisted in the said sister; and always would she gazeupon the leaves of the trees and grass of the meadows through thewindows of the church during the offices and times of prayer; andpersisted in becoming as white as linen in order that she might stayin her bed, and at certain times she would run about the cloisterslike a goat broken loose from its fastening. Finally, she had grownthin, lost much of the great beauty, and shrunk away to nothing. Whilein this condition by us, the abbess her mother, was she placed in thesick-room, we daily expecting her to die. One winter's morning thesaid sister had fled, without leaving any trace of her steps, withoutbreaking the door, forcing of locks, or opening of windows, nor anysign whatever of the manner of her passage; a frightful adventurewhich was believed to have taken place by the aid of the demon whichhas annoyed and tormented her. For the rest it was settled by theauthorities of the metropolitan church that the mission of thisdaughter of hell was to divert the nuns from their holy ways, andblinded by their perfect lives, she had returned through the air onthe wings of the sorcerer, who had left her for mockery of our holyreligion in the place of our Virgin Mary. "

The which having said, the lady abbess was, with great honour andaccording to the command of our lord the archbishop, accompanied asfar as the convent of Carmel. 

In the ninth place, before us has come, agreeably to the citationserved upon him, Joseph, called Leschalopier, a money-changer, livingon the bridge at the sign of the Besant d'Or, who, after havingpledged his Catholic faith to say no other thing than the truth, andthat known to him, touching the process before the ecclesiasticaltribunal, has testified as follows:--"I am a poor father, muchafflicted by the sacred will of God. Before the coming of the Succubusof the Rue Chaude, I had, for all good, a son as handsome as a noble, learned as a clerk, and having made more than a dozen voyages intoforeign lands; for the rest a good Catholic; keeping himself on guardagainst the needles of love, because he avoided marriage, knowinghimself to be the support of my old days, the love for my eyes, andthe constant delight of my heart. He was a son of whom the King ofFrance might have been proud--a good and courageous man, the light onmy commerce, the joy of my roof, and, above all, an inestimableblessing, seeing that I am alone in the world, having had themisfortune to lose my wife, and being too old to take another. Now, monseigneur, this treasure without equal has been taken from me, andcast into hell by the demon. Yes, my lord judge, directly he beheldthis mischievous jade, this she-devil, in whom it is a whole workshopof perdition, a conjunction of pleasure and delectation, and whomnothing can satiate, my poor child stuck himself fast into the gluepotof love, and afterwards lived only between the columns of Venus, andthere did not live long, because in that place like so great a heatthat nothing can satisfy the thirst of this gulf, not even should youplunge therein the germs of the entire world. Alas! then, my poor boy--his fortune, his generative hopes, his eternal future, his entireself, more than himself, have been engulfed in this sewer, like agrain of corn in the jaws of a bull. By this means become an oldorphan I, who speak, shall have no greater joy than to see burning, this demon, nourished with blood and gold. This Arachne who has drawnout and sucked more marriages, more families in the seed, more hearts, more Christians then there are lepers in all the lazar houses orChristendom. Burn, torment this fiend--this vampire who feeds onsouls, this tigerish nature that drinks blood, this amorous lamp inwhich burns the venom of all the vipers. Close this abyss, the bottomof which no man can find. .. . I offer my deniers to the chapter for thestake, and my arm to light the fire. Watch well, my lord judge, tosurely guard this devil, seeing that she has a fire more flaming thanall other terrestrial fires; she has all the fire of hell in her, thestrength of Samson in her hair, and the sound of celestial music inher voice. She charms to kill the body and the soul at one stroke; shesmiles to bite, she kisses to devour; in short, she would wheedle anangel, and make him deny his God. My son! my son! where is he at thishour? The flower of my life--a flower cut by this feminine needlecaseas with scissors. Ha, lord! why have I been called? Who will give meback my son, whose soul has been absorbed by a womb which gives deathto all, and life to none? The devil alone copulates, and engendersnot. This is my evidence, which I pray Master Tournebouche to writewithout omitting one iota, and to grant me a schedule, that I may tellit to God every evening in my prayer, to this end to make the blood ofthe innocent cry aloud into His ears, and to obtain from His infinitemercy the pardon for my son. "

Here followed twenty and seven other statements, of which thetranscription in their true objectivity, in all their quality of spacewould be over-fastidious, would draw to a great length, and divert thethread of this curious process--a narrative which, according toancient precepts, should go straight to the fact, like a bull to hisprincipal office. Therefore, here is, in a few words, the substance ofthese testimonies. 

A great number of good Christians, townsmen and townswomen, inhabitants of the noble town of Tours, testified the demon to haveheld every day wedding feasts and royal festivities, never to havebeen seen in any church, to have cursed God, to have mocked thepriests, never to have crossed herself in any place; to have spokenall the languages of the earth--a gift which has only been granted byGod to the blessed Apostles; to have been many times met in thefields, mounted upon an unknown animal who went before the clouds; notto grow old, and to have always a youthful face; to have received thefather and the son on the same day, saying that her door sinned not;to have visible malign influences which flowed from her, for that apastrycook, seated on a bench at her door, having perceived her oneevening, received such a gust of warm love that, going in and gettingto bed, he had with great passion embraced his wife, and was founddead on the morrow, that the old men of the town went to spend theremainder of their days and of their money with her, to taste the joysof the sins of their youth, and that they died like fleas on theirbellies, and that certain of them, while dying, became as black asMoors; that this demon never allowed herself to be seen neither atdinner, nor at breakfast, nor at supper, but ate alone, because shelived upon human brains; that several had seen her during the night goto the cemeteries, and there embrace the young dead men, because shewas not able to assuage otherwise the devil who worked in herentrails, and there raged like a tempest, and from that came theastringent biting, nitrous shooting, precipitant, and diabolicalmovements, squeezings, and writhings of love and voluptuousness, fromwhich several men had emerged bruised, torn, bitten, pinched andcrushed; and that since the coming of our Saviour, who had imprisonedthe master devil in the bellies of the swine, no malignant beast hadever been seen in any portion of the earth so mischievous, venomousand so clutching; so much so that if one threw the town of Tours intothis field of Venus, she would there transmute it into the grain ofcities, and this demon would swallow it like a strawberry. 

And a thousand other statements, sayings, and depositions, from whichwas evident in perfect clearness the infernal generation of thiswoman, daughter, sister, niece, spouse, or brother of the devil, beside abundant proofs of her evil doing, and of the calamity spreadby her in all families. And if it were possible to put them hereconformably with the catalogue preserved by the good man to whom heaccused the discovery, it would seem like a sample of the horriblecries which the Egyptians gave forth on the day of the seventh plague. Also this examination has covered with great honour Messire GuillaumeTournebouche, by whom are quoted all the memoranda. In the tenthvacation was thus closed this inquest, arriving at a maturity ofproof, furnished with authentic testimony and sufficiently engrossedwith the particulars, plaints, interdicts, contradictions, charges, assignments, withdrawals, confessions public and private, oaths, adjournments, appearances and controversies, to which the said demonmust reply. And the townspeople say everywhere if there were really ashe-devil, and furnished with internal horns planted in her nature, with which she drank the men, and broke them, this woman might swim along time in this sea of writing before being landed safe and sound inhell. 

IITHE PROCEEDINGS TAKEN RELATIVE TO THIS FEMALE VAMPIRE. 

_In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. _

In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, before us, Hierome Cornille, grand penitentiary and ecclesiasticaljudge to this, canonically appointed, have appeared--

The Sire Philippe d'Idre, bailiff of the town and city of Tours andprovince of Touraine, living in his hotel in the Rue de la Rotisserie, in Chateauneuf; Master Jehan Ribou, provost of the brotherhood andcompany of drapers, residing on the Quay de Bretaingne, at the imageof St. Pierre-es-liens; Messire Antoine Jehan, alderman and chief ofthe Brotherhood of Changers, residing in the Place du Pont, at theimage of St. Mark-counting-tournoise-pounds; Master MartinBeaupertuys, captain of the archers of the town residing at thecastle; Jehan Rabelais, a ships' painter and boat maker residing atthe port at the isle of St. Jacques, treasurer of the brotherhood ofthe mariners of the Loire; Mark Hierome, called Maschefer, hosier, atthe sign of Saint-Sebastian, president of the trades council; andJacques, called de Villedomer, master tavern-keeper and vine dresser, residing in the High Street, at the Pomme de Pin; to the said Sired'Idre, and to the said citizens, we have read the following petitionby them, written, signed, and deliberated upon, to be brought underthe notice of the ecclesiastical tribunal:--

PETITION

We, the undersigned, all citizens of Tours, are come into the hotel ofhis worship the Sire d'Idre, bailiff of Touraine, in the absence ofour mayor, and have requested him to hear our plaints and statementsconcerning the following facts, which we intend to bring before thetribunal of the archbishop, the judge of ecclesiastical crimes, towhom should be deferred the conduct of the cause which we hereexpose:--

A long time ago there came into this town a wicked demon in the formof a woman, who lives in the parish of Saint-Etienne, in the house ofthe innkeeper Tortebras, situated in the quit-rent of the chapter, andunder the temporal jurisdiction of the archiepiscopal domain. Thewhich foreigner carries on the business of a gay woman in a prodigaland abusive manner, and with such increase of infamy that shethreatens to ruin the Catholic faith in this town, because those whogo to her come back again with their souls lost in every way, andrefuse the assistance of the Church with a thousand scandalousdiscourses. 

Now considering that a great number of those who yielded to her aredead, and that arrived in our town with no other wealth than herbeauty, she has, according to public clamour, infinite riches andright royal treasure, the acquisition of which is vehementlyattributed to sorcery, or at least to robberies committed by the aidof magical attractions and her supernaturally amorous person. 

Considering that it is a question of the honour and security of ourfamilies, and that never before has been seen in this country a womanwild of body or a daughter of pleasure, carrying on with such mischiefof vocation of light o' love, and menacing so openly and bitterly thelife, the savings, the morals, chastity, religion, and the everythingof the inhabitants of this town;

Considering that there is need of a inquiry into her person, herwealth and her deportment, in order to verify if these effects of loveare legitimate, and to not proceed, as would seem indicated by hermanners, from a bewitchment of Satan, who often visits Christianityunder the form of a female, as appears in the holy books, in which itis stated that our blessed Saviour was carried away into a mountain, from which Lucifer or Astaroth showed him the fertile plains of Judeaand that in many places have been seen succubi or demons, having thefaces of women, who, not wishing to return to hell, and having withthem an insatiable fire, attempt to refresh and sustain themselves bysucking in souls;

Considering that in the case of the said woman a thousand proofs ofdiablerie are met with, of which certain inhabitants speak openly, andthat it is necessary for the repose of the said woman that the matterbe sifted, in order that she shall not be attacked by certain people, ruined by the result of her wickedness;

For these causes we pray that it will please you to submit to ourspiritual lord, father of this diocese, the most noble and blessedarchbishop Jehan de Monsoreau, the troubles of his afflicted flock, tothe end that he may advise upon them. 

By doing so you will fulfil the duties of your office, as we do thoseof preservers of the security of this town, each one according to thethings of which he has charge in his locality. 

And we have signed the present, in the year of our Lord one thousandtwo hundred and seventy-one, of All Saints' Day, after mass. 

Master Tournebouche having finished the reading of this petition, byus, Hierome Cornille, has it been said to the petitioners--

"Gentlemen, do you, at the present time, persist in these statements?have you proofs other than those come within your own knowledge, anddo you undertake to maintain the truth of this before God, before man, and before the accused?"

All, with the exception of Master Jehan Rabelais, have persisted intheir belief, and the aforesaid Rabelais has withdrawn from theprocess, saying that he considered the said Moorish woman to be anatural woman and a good wench who had no other fault than that ofkeeping up a very high temperature of love. 

Then we, the judge appointed, have, after mature deliberation, foundmatter upon which to proceed in the petition of the aforesaidcitizens, and have commanded that the woman at present in the jail ofthe chapter shall be proceeded against by all legal methods, aswritten in the canons and ordinances, _contra demonios_. The saidordinance, embodied in a writ, shall be published by the town-crier inall parts, and with the sound of the trumpet, in order to make itknown to all, and that each witness may, according to his knowledge, be confronted with the said demon, and finally the said accused to beprovided with a defender, according to custom, and the interrogations, and the process to be congruously conducted. 

(Signed) HIEROME CORNILLE. 

And, lower-down. 

TOURNEBOUCHE. 

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. 

In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, the10th day of February, after mass, by command of us, Hierome Cornille, ecclesiastical judge, has been brought from the jail of the chapterand led before us the woman taken in the house of the innkeeperTortebras, situated in the domains of the chapter and the cathedral ofSt. Maurice, and are subject to the temporal and seigneurial justiceof the Archbishop of Tours; besides which, in consequence of thenature of the crimes imputed to her, she is liable to the tribunal andcouncil of ecclesiastical justice, the which we have made known toher, to the end that she should not ignore it. 

And after a serious reading, entirely at will understood by her, inthe first place of the petition of the town, then of the statements, plaints, accusations, and proceedings which written in twenty-fourquires by Master Tournebouche, and are above related, we have, withthe invocation and assistance of God and the Church, resolved toascertain the truth, first by interrogatories made to the saidaccused. 

In the first interrogation we have requested the aforesaid to informus in what land or town she had been born. By her who speaks was itanswered: "In Mauritania. "

We have then inquired: "If she had a father or mother, or anyrelations?" By her who speaks has it been replied: "That she had neverknown them. " By us requested to declare her name. By her who speakshas been replied: "Zulma, " in Arabian tongue. 

By us has it been demanded: "Why she spoke our language?" By her whospeaks has it been said: "Because she had come into this country. " Byus has it been asked: "At what time?" By her who speaks has it beenreplied: "About twelve years. "

By us has it been asked: "What age she then was?" By her who speakshas it been answered: "Fifteen years or thereabout. "

By us has it been said: "Then you acknowledge yourself to betwenty-seven years of age?" By her who speaks has it been replied:"Yes. "

By us has it been said to her: "That she was then the Moorish childfound in the niche of Madame the Virgin, baptised by the Archbishop, held at the font by the late Lord of Roche-Corbon and the Lady ofAzay, his wife, afterwards by them placed in religion at the conventof Mount Carmel, where by her had been made vows of chastity, poverty, silence, and the love of God, under the divine assistance of St. Clare?" By her who speaks has been said: "That is true. "

By us has it been asked her: "If, then, she allowed to be true thedeclarations of the very noble and illustrious lady the abbess ofMount Carmel, also the statements of Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing, being kitchen scullion?" By the accused has been answered: "Thesewords are true in great measure. "

Then by us has it been said to her: "Then you are a Christian?" And byher who speaks has been answered: "Yes, my father. "

Then by us has she been requested to make the sign of the cross, andto take holy water from the brush placed by Master Tournebouche in herhand; the which having been done, and by us having been witnessed, ithas been admitted as an indisputable fact, that Zulma, the Moorishwoman, called in our country Blanche Bruyn, a nun of the convent underthe invocation of Mount Carmel, there named Sister Clare, andsuspected to be the false appearance of a woman under which isconcealed a demon, has in our presence made act of religion and thusrecognised the justice of the ecclesiastical tribunal. 

Then by us have these words been said to her: "My daughter, you arevehemently suspected to have had recourse to the devil from the mannerin which you left the convent, which was supernatural in every way. "By her who speaks has it been stated, that she at that time gainednaturally the fields by the street door after vespers, enveloped inthe robes of Jehan de Marsilis, visitor of the convent, who had hiddenher, the person speaking, in a little hovel belonging to him, situatedin the Cupidon Lane, near a tower in the town. That there this saidpriest had to her then speaking, at great length, and most thoroughlytaught the depths of love, of which she then speaking was before inall points ignorant, for which delights she had a great taste, findingthem of great use. That the Sire d'Amboise having perceived her thenspeaking at the window of this retreat, had been smitten with a greatlove for her. That she loved him more heartily than the monk, and fledfrom the hovel where she was detained for profit of his pleasure byDon Marsilis. And then she had gone in great haste to Amboise, thecastle of the said lord, where she had had a thousand pastimes, hunting, and dancing, and beautiful dresses fit for a queen. One daythe Sire de la Roche-Pozay having been invited by the Sire d'Amboiseto come and feast and enjoy himself, the Baron d'Amboise had allowedhim to see her then speaking, as she came out naked from her bath. That at this sight the said Sire de la Roche-Pozay having fallenviolently in love with her, had on the morrow discomfited in singlecombat the Sire d'Amboise, and by great violence, had, is spite of hertears, taken her to the Holy Land, where she who was speaking hadlived the life of a woman well beloved, and had been held in greatrespect on account of her great beauty. That after numerousadventures, she who was speaking had returned into this country inspite of the apprehensions of misfortune, because such was the will ofher lord and master, the Baron de Bueil, who was dying of grief inAsiatic lands, and desired to return to his patrimonial manor. Now hehad promised her who was speaking to preserve her from peril. Now shewho was speaking had faith and belief in him, the more so as she lovedhim very much; but on his arrival in this country, the Sire de Bueilwas seized with an illness, and died deplorably, without taking anyremedies, this spite of the fervent requests which she who wasspeaking had addressed to him, but without success, because he hatedphysicians, master surgeons, and apothecaries; and that this was thewhole truth. 

Then by us has it been said to the accused that she then held to betrue the statements of the good Sire Harduin and of the innkeeperTortebras. By her who speaks has it been replied, that she recognisedas evidence the greater part, and also as malicious, calumnious, andimbecile certain portions. 

Then by us has the accused been required to declare if she had hadpleasure and carnal commerce with all the men, nobles, citizens, andothers as set forth in the plaints and declarations of theinhabitants. To which her who speaks has it been answered with greateffrontery: "Pleasure, yes! Commerce, I do not know. "

By us has it been said to her, that all had died by her acts. By herwho speaks has it been said that their deaths could not be the resultof her acts, because she had always refused herself to them, and themore she fled from them the more they came and embraced her withinfinite passion, and that when she who was speaking was taken by themshe gave herself up to them with all her strength, by the grace ofGod, because she had in that more joy than in anything, and hasstated, she who speaks, that she avows her secret sentiments solelybecause she had been requested by us to state the whole truth, andthat she the speaker stood in great fear of the torments of thetorturers. 

Then by us has she been requested to answer, under pain of torture, inwhat state of mind she was when a young nobleman died in consequenceof his commerce with her. Then by her speaking has it been replied, that she remained quite melancholy and wished to destroy herself; andprayed God, the Virgin, and the saints to receive her into Paradise, because never had she met with any but lovely and good hearts in whichwas no guile, and beholding them die she fell into a great sadness, fancying herself to be an evil creature or subject to an evil fate, which she communicated like the plague. 

Then by us has she been requested to state where she paid her orisons. 

By her speaking has it been said that she played in her oratory on herknees before God, who according to the Evangelists, sees and hears allthings and resides in all places. 

Then by us has it been demanded why she never frequented the churches, the offices, nor the feasts. To this by her speaking has it beenanswered, that those who came to love her had elected the feast daysfor that purpose, and that she speaking did all things to theirliking. 

By us has it been remonstrated that, by so doing, she was submissiveto man rather than to the commandments of God. 

Then by her speaking has it been stated, that for those who loved herwell she speaking would have thrown herself into a flaming pile, neverhaving followed in her love any course but that of nature, and thatfor the weight of the world in gold she would not have lent her bodyor her love to a king who did not love her with his heart, feet, hair, forehead, and all over. In short and moreover the speaker had nevermade an act of harlotry in selling one single grain of love to a manwhom she had not chosen to be hers, and that he who held her in hisarms one hour or kissed her on the mouth a little, possessed her forthe remainder of her days. 

Then by us has she been requested to state whence preceded the jewels, gold plate, silver, precious stones, regal furniture, carpets, etcetera, worth 200, 000 doubloons, according to the inventory found inher residence and placed in the custody of the treasurer of thechapter. By the speaker answer has been made, that in us she placedall her hopes, even as much as in God, but that she dare not reply tothis, because it involved the sweetest things of love upon which shehad always lived. And interpellated anew, the speaker has said that ifthe judge knew with what fervour she held him she loved, with whatobedience she followed him in good or evil ways, with what study shesubmitted to him, with what happiness she listened to his desires, andinhaled the sacred words with which his mouth gratified her, in whatadoration she held his person, even we, an old judge, would believewith her well-beloved, that no sum could pay for this great affectionwhich all the men ran after. After the speaker has declared never fromany man loved by her, to have solicited any present or gift, and thatshe rested perfectly contented to live in their hearts, that she wouldthere curl herself up with indestructible and ineffable pleasure, finding herself richer with this heart than with anything, andthinking of no other thing than to give them more pleasure andhappiness than she received from them. But in spite of the iteratedrefusals of the speaker her lovers persisted in graciously rewardingher. At times one came to her with a necklace of pearls, saying, "Thisis to show my darling that the satin of her skin did not falselyappear to me whiter than pearls" and would put it on the speaker'sneck, kissing her lovingly. The speaker would be angry at thesefollies, but could not refuse to keep a jewel that gave them pleasureto see it there where they placed it. Each one had a different fancy. At times another liked to tear the precious garments which the speakerwore to gratify him; another to deck out the speaker with sapphires onher arms, on her legs, on her neck, and in her hair; another to seather on the carpet, clad in silk or black velvet, and to remain fordays together in ecstasy at the perfections of the speaker the whomthe things desired by her lovers gave infinite pleasure, because thesethings rendered them quite happy. And the speaker has said, that as welove nothing so much as our pleasure, and wish that everything shouldshine in beauty and harmonise, outside as well as inside the heart, sothey all wished to see the place inhabited by the speaker adorned withhandsome objects, and from this idea all her lovers were pleased asmuch as she was in spreading thereabout gold, silks and flowers. Nowseeing that these lovely things spoil nothing, the speaker had noforce or commandment by which to prevent a knight, or even a richcitizen beloved by her, having his will, and thus found herselfconstrained to receive rare perfumes and other satisfaction with whichthe speaker was loaded, and that such was the source of the gold, plate, carpets, and jewels seized at her house by the officers ofjustice. This terminates the first interrogation made to the saidSister Clare, suspected to be a demon, because we the judge andGuillaume Tournebouche, are greatly fatigued with having the voice ofthe aforesaid, in our ears, and finding our understanding in every waymuddled. 

By us the judge has the second interrogatory been appointed, threedays from to-day, in order that the proofs of the possession andpresence of the demon in the body of the aforesaid may be sought, andthe accused, according to the order of the judge, has been taken backto the jail under the conduct of Master Guillaume Tournebouche. 

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. 

On the thirteenth day following of the said month of the Februarybefore us, Hierome Cornille, et cetera, has been produced the SisterClare above-mentioned, in order to be interrogated upon the facts anddeeds to her imputed, and of them to be convicted. 

By us, the judge, has it been said to the accused that, looking at thedivers responses by her given to the proceeding interrogatories, itwas certain that it never had been in the power of a simple woman, even if she were authorised, if such licence were allowed to lead thelife of a loose woman, to give pleasure to all, to cause so manydeaths, and to accomplish sorceries so perfect, without the assistanceof a special demon lodged in her body, and to whom her soul had beensold by an especial compact. That it had been clearly demonstratedthat under her outward appearance lies and moves a demon, the authorof these evils, and that she was now called upon to declare at whatage she had received the demon, to vow the agreement existing betweenherself and him, and to tell the truth concerning their common evildoings. By the speaker was it replied that she would answer us, man, as to God, who would be judge of all of us. Then has the speakerpretended never to have seen the demon, neither to have spoken withhim, nor in any way to desire to see him; never to have led the lifeof a courtesan, because she, the speaker, had never practised thevarious delights that love invents, other than those furnished by thepleasure which the Sovereign Creator has put in the thing, and to havealways been incited more from the desire of being sweet and good tothe dear lord loved by her, then by an incessantly raging desire. Butif such had been her inclination, the speaker begged us to bear inmind that she was a poor African girl, in whom God had placed very hotblood, and in her brain so easy an understanding of the delights oflove, that if a man only looked at her she felt greatly moved in herheart. That if from desire of acquaintance an amorous gentlemantouched the speaker her on any portion of the body, there passing hishand, she was, in spite of everything, under his power, because herheart failed her instantly. By this touch, the apprehension andremembrance of all the sweet joys of love woke again in her breast, and there caused an intense heat, which mounted up, flamed in herveins, and made her love and joy from head to foot. And since the daywhen Don Marsilis had first awakened the understanding of the speakerconcerning these things, she had never had any other thought, andthenceforth recognised love to be a thing so perfectly concordant withher nature, that it had since been proved to the speaker that indefault of love and natural relief she would have died, withered atthe said convent. As evidence of which, the speaker affirms as acertainty, that after her flight from the said convent she had notpassed a single day or one particle of time in melancholy and sadness, but always was she joyous, and thus followed the sacred will of God, which she believed to have been diverted during the time lost by herin the convent. 

To this was it objected by us, Hierome Cornille, to the said demon, that in this response she had openly blasphemed against God, becausewe had all been made to his greater glory, and placed in the world tohonour and to serve Him, to have before our eyes His blessedcommandments, and to live in sanctity, in order to gain eternal life, and not to be always in bed, doing that which even the beasts only doat a certain time. Then by the said sister, has answer been made, thatshe honoured God greatly, that in all countries she had taken care ofthe poor and suffering, giving them both money and raiment, and thatat the last judgement-day she hoped to have around her a goodlycompany of holy works pleasant to God, which would intercede for her. That but for her humility, a fear of being reproached and ofdispleasing the gentlemen of the chapter, she would with joy havespent her wealth in finishing the cathedral of St. Maurice, and therehave established foundations for the welfare of her soul--would havespared therein neither her pleasure nor her person, and that with thisidea she would have taken double pleasure in her nights, because eachone of her amours would have added a stone to the building of thisbasilic. Also the more this purpose, and for the eternal welfare ofthe speaker, would they have right heartily given their wealth. 

Then by us has it been said to this demon that she could not justifythe fact of her sterility, because in spite of so much commerce, nochild had been born of her, the which proved the presence of a demonin her. Moreover, Astaroth alone, or an apostle, could speak alllanguages, and she spoke after the manner of all countries, the whichproved the presence of the devil in her. Thereupon the speaker hasasked: "In what consisted the said diversity of language?"--that ofGreek she knew nothing but a Kyrie eleison, of which she made greatuse; of Latin, nothing, save Amen, which she said to God, wishingtherewith to obtain her liberty. That for the rest the speaker hadfelt great sorrow, being without children, and if the good wives hadthem, she believed it was because they took so little pleasure in thebusiness, and she, the speaker, a little too much. But that such wasdoubtless the will of God, who thought that from too great happiness, the world would be in danger of perishing. Taking this intoconsideration, and a thousand other reasons, which sufficientlyestablish the presence of the devil in the body of the sister, becausethe peculiar property of Lucifer is to always find arguments havingthe semblance of truth, we have ordered that in our presence thetorture be applied to the said accused, and that she be well tormentedin order to reduce the said demon by suffering to submit to theauthority of the Church, and have requested to render us assistanceone Francois de Hangest, master surgeon and doctor to the chapter, charging him by a codicil hereunder written to investigate thequalities of the feminine nature (virtutes vulvae) of theabove-mentioned woman, to enlighten our religion on the methodsemployed by this demon to lay hold of souls in that way, and see ifany article was there apparent. 

Then the said Moorish women had wept bitterly, tortured in advance, and in spite of her irons, has knelt down imploring with cries andclamour the revocation of this order, objecting that her limbs were insuch a feeble state, and her bones so tender, that they would breaklike glass; and finally, has offered to purchase her freedom from thisby the gift all her goods to the chapter, and to quit incontinentlythe country. 

Upon this, by us has she been required to voluntarily declare herselfto be, and to have always been, demon of the nature of the Succubus, which is a female devil whose business it is to corrupt Christians bythe blandishments and flagitious delights of love. To this the speakerhas replied that the affirmation would be an abominable falsehood, seeing that she had always felt herself to be a most natural woman. 

Then her irons being struck off by the torturer, the aforesaid hasremoved her dress, and has maliciously and with evil design bewilderedand attacked our understandings with the sight of her body, the which, for a fact, exercises upon a man supernatural coercion. 

Master Guillaume Tournebouche has, by reason of nature, quitted thepen at this period, and retired, objecting that he was unable, withoutincredible temptations, which worked in his brain, to be a witness ofthis torture, because he felt the devil violently gaining his person. 

This finishes the second interrogatory; and as the apparitor andjanitor of the chapter have stated Master Francois de Hangest to be inthe country, the torture and interrogations are appointed forto-morrow at the hour of noon after mass. 

This has been written verbally by me, Hierome, in the absence ofMaster Guillaume Tournebouche, on whose behalf it is signed. 

HIEROME CORNILLEGrand Penitentiary. 

PETITION

Today, the fourteenth day of the month of February, in the presence ofme, Hierome Cornille, have appeared the said Masters Jehan Ribou, Antoine Jehan, Martin Beaupertuys, Hierome Maschefer, Jacques de Villed'Omer, and the Sire d'Idre, in place of the mayor of the city ofTours, for the time absent. All plaintiffs designated in the act ofprocess made at the Town Hall, to whom we have, at the request ofBlanche Bruyn (now confessing herself a nun of the convent of MountCarmel, under the name of Sister Clare), declared the appeal made tothe Judgment of God by the said person accused of demonicalpossession, and her offer to pass through the ordeal of fire andwater, in presence of the Chapter and of the town of Tours, in orderto prove her reality as a woman and her innocence. 

To this request have agreed for their parts, the said accusers, who, on condition that the town is security for it, have engaged to preparea suitable place and a pile, to be approved by the godparents of theaccused. 

Then by us, the judge, has the first day of the new year beenappointed for the day of the ordeal--which will be next Paschal Day--and we have indicated the hour of noon, after mass, each of theparties having acknowledged this delay to be sufficient. 

And the present proclamation shall be cited, at the suit of each ofthem, in all the towns, boroughs, and castles of Touraine and the landof France, at their request and at their cost and suit. 

HIEROME CORNILLE. 

IIIWHAT THE SUCCUBUS DID TO SUCK OUT THE SOUL OF THE OLD JUDGE, ANDWHAT CAME OF THE DIABOLICAL DELECTATION. 

This the act of extreme confession made the first day of the month ofMarch, in the year one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, after thecoming of our blessed Saviour, by Hierome Cornille, priest, canon ofthe chapter of the cathedral of St. Maurice, grand penitentiary, ofall acknowledging himself unworthy, who, finding his last hour to become, and contrite of his sins, evil doings, forfeits, bad deeds, andwickednesses, has desired his avowal to be published to serve thepreconisation of the truth, the glory of God, the justice of thetribunal, and to be an alleviation to him of his punishment, in theother world. The said Hierome Cornille being on his deathbed, therehad been convoked to hear his declarations, Jehan de la Haye (deHago), vicar of the church of St. Maurice; Pietro Guyard, treasurer ofthe chapter, appointed by our Lord Jean de Monsoreau, Archbishop, towrite his words; and Dom Louis Pot, a monk of maius MONASTERIUM(Marmoustier), chosen by him for a spiritual father and confessor; allthree assisted by the great and illustrious Dr Guillaume de Censoris, Roman Archdeacon, at present sent into the diocese (LEGATUS), by ourHoly Father the Pope; and, finally, in the presence of a great numberof Christians come to be witnesses of the death of the said HieromeCornille, upon his known wish to make act of public repentance, seeingthat he was fast sinking, and that his words might open the eyes ofChristians about to fall into hell. 

And before him, Hierome, who, by reason of his great weakness couldnot speak, has Dom Louis Pot read the following confession to thegreat agitation of the said company:--

"My brethren, until the seventy-first year of my age, which is the onein which I now am, with the exception of the little sins throughwhich, all holy though he be, a Christian renders himself culpablebefore God, but which it is allowed to us to repurchase by penitence, I believe I led a Christian life, and merited the praise and renownbestowed upon me in this diocese, where I was raised to the highoffice of grand penitentiary, of which I am unworthy. Now, struck withthe knowledge of the infinite glory of God, horrified at the agonieswhich await the wicked and prevaricators in hell, I have thought tolessen the enormity of my sins by the greatest penitence I can show inthe extreme hour at which I am. Thus I have prayed of the Church, whomI have deceived and betrayed, whose rights and judicial renown I havesold, to grant me the opportunity of accusing myself publicly in themanner of ancient Christians. I hoped, in order to show my greatrepentance, to have still enough life in me to be reviled at the doorof the cathedral by all my brethren, to remain there an entire day onmy knees, holding a candle, a cord around my neck, and my feet naked, seeing that I had followed the way of hell with regard to the sacredinstincts of the Church. But in this great shipwreck of my fragilevirtue, which will be to you as a warning to fly from vice and thesnares of the demon, and to take refuge in the Church, where all helpis, I have been so bewitched by Lucifer that our Saviour Jesus Christwill take, by the intercession of all you whose help and prayers Irequest, pity on me, a poor abused Christian, whose eyes now streamwith tears. So would I have another life to spend in works ofpenitence. Now then listen and tremble with great fear! Elected by theassembled Chapter to carry it out, instruct, and complete the processcommenced against a demon, who had appeared in a feminine shape, inthe person of a relapse nun--an abominable person, denying God, andbearing the name of Zulma in the infidel country whence she comes; thewhich devil is known in the diocese under that of Clare, of theconvent of Mount Carmel, and has much afflicted the town by puttingherself under an infinite number of men to gain their souls to Mammon, Astaroth, and Satan--princes of hell, by making them leave this worldin a state of mortal sin, and causing their death where life has itssource, I have, I the judge, fallen in my latter days into this snare, and have lost my senses, while acquitting myself traitorously of thefunctions committed with great confidence by the Chapter to my coldsenility. Hear how subtle the demon is, and stand firm against herartifices. While listening to the first response of the aforesaidSuccubus, I saw with horror that the irons placed upon her feet andhands left no mark there, and was astonished at her hidden strengthand at her apparent weakness. Then my mind was troubled suddenly atthe sight of the natural perfections with which the devil was endowed. I listened to the music of her voice, which warmed me from head tofoot, and made me desire to be young, to give myself up to this demon, thinking that for an hour passed in her company my eternal salvationwas but poor payment for the pleasure of love tasted in those slenderarms. Then I lost that firmness with which all judges should befurnished. This demon by me questioned, reasoned with me in such amanner that at the second interrogatory I was firmly persuaded Ishould be committing a crime in fining and torturing a poor littlecreature who cried like an innocent child. Then warned by a voice fromon high to do my duty, and that these golden words, the music ofcelestial appearance, were diabolical mummeries, that this body, sopretty, so infatuating, would transmute itself into a bristly beastwith sharp claws, those eyes so soft into flames of hell, her behindinto a scaly tail, the pretty rosebud mouth and gentle lips into thejaws of a crocodile, I came back to my intention of having the saidSuccubus tortured until she avowed her permission, as this practicehad already been followed in Christianity. Now when this demon showedherself stripped to me, to be put to the torture, I was suddenlyplaced in her power by magical conjurations. I felt my old bonescrack, my brain received a warm light, my heart transhipped young andboiling blood. I was light in myself, and by virtue of the magicphilter thrown into my eyes the snows on my forehead melted away. Ilost all conscience of my Christian life and found myself a schoolboy, running about the country, escaped from class and stealing apples. Ihad not the power to make the sign of the cross, neither did Iremember the Church, God the Father, nor the sweet Saviour of men. Aprey to this design, I went about the streets thinking over thedelights of that voice, the abominable, pretty body of this demon, andsaying a thousand wicked things to myself. Then pierced and drawn by ablow of the devil's fork, who had planted himself already in my headas a serpent in an oak, I was conducted by this sharp prong towardsthe jail, in spite of my guardian angel, who from time to time pulledme by the arm and defended me against these temptations, but in spiteof his holy advice and his assistance I was dragged by a million clawsstuck into my heart, and soon found myself in the jail. As soon as thedoor was opened to me I saw no longer any appearance of a prison, because the Succubus had there, with the assistance of evil genii orfays, constructed a pavilion of purple and silk, full of perfumes andflowers, where she was seated, superbly attired with neither irons onher neck nor chains on her feet. I allowed myself to be stripped of myecclesiastical vestments, and was put into a scent bath. Then thedemon covered me with a Saracen robe, entertained me with a repast ofrare viands contained in precious vases, gold cups, Asiatic wines, songs and marvellous music, and a thousand sweet sounds that tickledmy soul by means of my ears. At my side kept always the said Succubus, and her sweet, delectable embrace distilled new ardour into mymembers. My guardian angel quitted me. Then I lived only by theterrible light of the Moorish woman's eyes, coveted the warm embracesof the delicate body, wished always to feel her red lips, that Ibelieved natural, and had no fear of the bite of those teeth whichdrew me to the bottom of hell, I delighted to feel the unequalledsoftness of her hands without thinking that they were unnatural claws. In short, I acted like husband desiring to go to his affianced withoutthinking that that spouse was everlasting death. I had no thought forthe things of this world nor the interests of God, dreaming only oflove, of the sweet breasts of this woman, who made me burn, and of thegate of hell in which I wished to cast myself. Alas! my brethren, during three days and three nights was I thus constrained to toilwithout being able to stop the stream which flowed from my reins, inwhich were plunged, like two pikes, the hands of the Succubus, whichcommunicated to my poor old age and to my dried up bones, I know notwhat sweat of love. At first this demon, to draw me to her, caused toflow in my inside the softness of milk, then came poignant joys whichpricked like a hundred needles my bones, my marrow, my brain, and mynerves. Then all this gone, all things became inflamed, my head, myblood, my nerves, my flesh, my bones, and then I burned with the realfire of hell, which caused me torments in my joints, and anincredible, intolerable, tearing voluptuousness which loosened thebonds of my life. The tresses of this demon, which enveloped my poorbody, poured upon me a stream of flame, and I felt each lock like abar of red iron. During this mortal delectation I saw the ardent faceof the said Succubus, who laughed and addressed to me a thousandexciting words; such as that I was her knight, her lord, her lance, her day, her joy, her hero, her life, her good, her rider, and thatshe would like to clasp me even closer, wishing to be in my skin orhave me in hers. Hearing which, under the prick of this tongue whichsucked out my soul, I plunged and precipitated myself finally intohell without finding the bottom. And then when I had no more a drop ofblood in my veins, when my heart no longer beat in my body, and I wasruined at all points, the demon, still fresh, white, rubicund, glowing, and laughing, said to me--

"'Poor fool, to think me a demon! Had I asked thee to sell thy soulfor a kiss, wouldst thou not give it to me with all thy heart?'

"'Yes, ' said I. 

"'And if always to act thus it were necessary for thee to nourishthyself with the blood of new-born children in order always to havenew life to spend in my arms, would you not imbibe it willingly?'

"'Yes, ' said I. 

"'And to be always my gallant horseman, gay as a man in his prime, feeling life, drinking pleasure, plunging to the depths of joy as aswimmer into the Loire, wouldst thou not deny God, wouldst thou notspit in the face of Jesus?'

"'Yes, ' said I. 

"Then I felt a hundred sharp claws which tore my diaphragm as if thebeaks of a thousand birds there took their bellyfuls, shrieking. ThenI was lifted suddenly above the earth upon the said Succubus, who hadspread her wings, and cried to me--

"'Ride, ride, my gallant rider! Hold yourself firmly on the back ofthy mule, by her mane, by her neck; and ride, ride, my gallant rider--everything rides!' And then I saw, as a thick fog, the cities of theearth, where by a special gift I perceived each one coupled with afemale demon, and tossing about, and engendering in greatconcupiscence, all shrieking a thousand words of love and exclamationsof all kinds, and all toiling away with ecstasy. Then my horse withthe Moorish head pointed out to me, still flying and galloping beyondthe clouds, the earth coupled with the sun in a conjunction, fromwhich proceeded a germ of stars, and there each female world wasembracing a male world; but in place of the words used by creatures, the worlds were giving forth the howls of tempests, throwing uplightnings and crying thunders. Then still rising, I saw overhead thefemale nature of all things in love with the Prince of Movement. Now, by way of mockery, the Succubus placed me in the centre of thishorrible and perpetual conflict, where I was lost as a grain of sandin the sea. Then still cried my white mare to me, 'Ride, ride mygallant rider--all things ride!' Now, thinking how little was a priestin this torment of the seed of worlds, nature always clasped together, and metals, stones, waters, airs, thunders, fish, plants, animals, men, spirits, worlds and planets, all embracing with rage, I deniedthe Catholic faith. Then the Succubus, pointing out to me the greatpatch of stars seen in heavens, said to me, 'That way is a drop ofcelestial seed escaped from great flow of the worlds in conjunction. 'Thereupon I instantly clasped the Succubus with passion by the lightof a thousand million of stars, and I wished in clasping her to feelthe nature of those thousand million creatures. Then by this greateffort of love I fell impotent in every way, and heard a greatinfernal laugh. Then I found myself in my bed, surrounded by myservitors, who had had the courage to struggle with the demon, throwing into the bed where I was stretched a basin full of holywater, and saying fervent prayers to God. Then had I to sustain, inspite of this assistance, a horrible combat with the said Succubus, whose claws still clutched my heart, causing me infinite pains; still, while reanimated by the voice of my servitors, relations, and friends, I tried to make the sacred sign of the cross; the Succubus perched onmy bed, on the bolster, at the foot, everywhere, occupying herself indistracting my nerves, laughing, grimacing, putting before my eyes athousand obscene images, and causing me a thousand wicked desires. Nevertheless, taking pity on me, my lord the Archbishop caused therelics of St. Gatien to be brought, and the moment the shrine hadtouched my bed the said Succubus was obliged to depart, leaving anodour of sulphur and of hell, which made the throats of my servants, friends, and others sore for a whole day. Then the celestial light ofGod having enlightened my soul, I knew I was, through my sins and mycombat with the evil spirit, in great danger of dying. Then did Iimplore the especial mercy, to live just a little time to render gloryto God and his Church, objecting the infinite merits of Jesus deadupon the cross for the salvation of the Christians. By this prayer Iobtained the favour of recovering sufficient strength to accuse myselfof my sins, and to beg of the members of the Church of St. Mauricetheir aid and assistance to deliver me from purgatory, where I amabout to atone for my faults by infinite agonies. Finally, I declarethat my proclamation, wherein the said demon appeals the judgment ofGod by the ordeals of holy water and a fire, is a subterfuge due to anevil design suggested by the said demon, who would thus have had thepower to escape the justice of the tribunal of the Archbishop and ofthe Chapter, seeing that she secretly confessed to me, to be able tomake another demon accustomed to the ordeal appear in her place. And, in conclusion, I give and bequeath to the Chapter of the Church of St. Maurice my property of all kinds, to found a chapter in the saidchurch, to build it and adorn it and put it under the invocation ofSt. Hierome and St. Gatien, of whom one is my patron and the other thesaviour of my soul. "

This, heard by all the company, has been brought to the notice of theecclesiastical tribunal by Jehan to la Haye (Johannes de Haga). 

We, Jehan de la Haye (Johannes de Haga), elected grand penitentiary ofSt. Maurice by the general assembly of the Chapter, according to theusage and custom of that church, and appointed to pursue afresh thetrial of the demon Succubus, at present in the jail of the Chapter, have ordered a new inquest, at which will be heard all those of thisdiocese having cognisance of the facts relative thereto. We declaredvoid the other proceedings, interrogations, and decrees, and annulthem in the name of the members of the Church in general, andsovereign Chapter assembled, and declare that the appeal to God, traitorously made by the demon, shall not take place, in consequenceof the notorious treachery of the devil in this affair. And the saidjudgment shall be cried by sound of trumpet in all parts of thediocese in which have been published the false edicts of the precedingmonth, all notoriously due to the instigation of the demon, accordingto the confession of the late Hierome Cornille. 

Let all good Christians be of assistance to our Holy Church, and toher commandments. 

JEHAN DE LA HAYE. 

IVHOW THE MOORISH WOMAN OF THE RUE CHAUDE TWISTED ABOUT SO BRISKLYTHAT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY WAS SHE BURNED AND COOKED ALIVE, TOTHE GREAT LOSS OF THE INFERNAL REGIONS. 

This was written in the month of May, of the year 1360, after themanner of a testament. 

"My very dear and well-beloved son, when it shall be lawful for theeto read this I shall be, I thy father, reposing in the tomb, imploringthy prayers, and supplicating thee to conduct thyself in life as itwill be commanded thee in this rescript, bequeathed for the goodgovernment of thy family, thy future, and safety; for I have done thisat a period when I had my senses and understanding, still recentlyaffected by the sovereign injustice of men. In my virile age I had agreat ambition to raise myself in the Church, and therein to obtainthe highest dignities, because no life appeared to me more splendid. Now with this earnest idea, I learned to read and write, and withgreat trouble became in a fit condition to enter the clergy. Butbecause I had no protection, or good advice to superintend my trainingI had an idea of becoming the writer, tabellion, and rubrican of theChapter of St. Maurice, in which were the highest and richestpersonages of Christendom, since the King of France is only therein asimple canon. Now there I should be able better than anywhere else tofind services to render to certain lords, and thus to find a master orgain patronage, and by this assistance enter into religion, and bemitred and esconced in an archiepiscopal chair, somewhere or other. But this first vision was over credulous, and a little too ambitious, the which God caused me clearly to perceive by the sequel. In fact, Messire Jepan de Villedomer, who afterwards became cardinal, was giventhis appointment, and I was rejected, discomfited. Now in this unhappyhour I received an alleviation of my troubles, by the advice of thegood old Hierome Cornille, of whom I have often spoken to you. Thisdear man induced me, by his kindness, to become penman to the Chapterof St. Maurice and the Archbishop of Tours, the which offer I acceptedwith joy, since I was reputed a scrivener. At the time I was about toenter into the presbytery commenced the famous process against thedevil of the Rue Chaude, of which the old folk still talk, and whichin its time, has been recounted in every home in France. Now, believing that it would be of great advantage to my ambition, and thatfor this assistance the Chapter would raise me to some dignity, mygood master had me appointed for the purpose of writing all of thatshould be in this grave cause, subject to writing. At the very outsetMonseigneur Hierome Cornille, a man approaching eighty years, of greatsense, justice, and sound understanding, suspected some spitefulnessin this cause, although he was not partial to immodest girls, and hadnever been involved with a woman in his life, and was holy andvenerable, with a sanctity which had caused him to be selected as ajudge, all this not withstanding. As soon as the depositions werecompleted, and the poor wench heard, it remained clear that althoughthis merry doxy had broken her religious vows, she was innocent of alldevilry, and that her great wealth was coveted by her enemies, andother persons, whom I must not name to thee for reasons of prudence. At this time every one believed her to be so well furnished withsilver and gold that she could have bought the whole county ofTouraine, if so it had pleased her. A thousand falsehoods andcalumnious words concerning the girl, envied by all the honest women, were circulated and believed in as gospel. At this period MasterHierome Cornille, having ascertained that no demon other than that oflove was in the girl, made her consent to remain in a convent for theremainder of her days. And having ascertained certain noble knightsbrave in war and rich in domains, that they would do everything tosave her, he invited her secretly to demand of her accusers thejudgment of God, at the same time giving her goods to the chapter, inorder to silence mischievous tongues. By this means would be savedfrom the stake the most delicate flower that ever heaven has allowedto fall upon our earth; the which flower yielded only from excessivetenderness and amiability to the malady of love, cast by her eyes intothe hearts of all her pursuers. But the real devil, under the form ofa monk, mixed himself up in this affair; in this wise: great enemy ofthe virtue, wisdom, and sanctity of Monsignor Hierome Cornille, namedJehan de la Haye, having learned that in the jail, the poor girl wastreated like a queen, wickedly accused the grand penitentiary ofconnivance with her and of being her servitor, because, said thiswicked priest, she makes him young, amorous, and happy, from which thepoor old man died of grief in one day, knowing by this that Jehan dela Haye had worn his ruin and coveted his dignities. In fact, our lordthe archbishop visited the jail, and found the Moorish woman in apleasant place, reposing comfortably, and without irons, because, having placed a diamond in a place when none could have believed shecould have held it, she had purchased the clemency of her jailer. Atthe time certain persons said that this jailer was smitten with her, and that from love, or perhaps in great fear of the young barons, lovers of this woman, he had planned her escape. The good man Cornillebeing at the point of death, through the treachery of Jehan de laHaye, the Chapter thinking it necessary to make null and void theproceedings taken by the penitentiary, and also his decrees, the saidJehan de la Haye, at that time a simple vicar of the cathedral, pointed out that to do this it would be sufficient to obtain a publicconfession from the good man on his death-bed. Then was the moribundtortured and tormented by the gentleman of the Chapter, those of SaintMartin, those of Marmoustiers, by the archbishop and also by thePope's legate, in order that he might recant to the advantage of theChurch, to which the good man would not consent. But after a thousandills, the public confession was prepared, at which the most noteworthypeople of the town assisted, and the which spread more horror andconsternation than I can describe. The churches of the diocese heldpublic prayers for this calamity, and every one expected to see thedevil tumble into his house by the chimney. But the truth of it isthat the good Master Hierome had a fever, and saw cows in his room, and then was this recantation obtained of him. The access passed, thepoor saint wept copiously on learning this trick from me. In fact, hedied in my arms, assisted by his physicians, heartbroken at thismummery, telling us that he was going to the feet of God to pray toprevent the consummation of this deplorable iniquity. The poor Moorishwoman had touched him much by her tears and repentance, seing thatbefore making her demand for the judgment of God he had minutelyconfessed her, and by that means had disentangled the soul divinewhich was in the body, and of which he spoke as of a diamond worthy ofadorning the holy crown of God, when she should have departed thislife, after repenting her sins. Then, my dear son, knowing by thestatements made in the town, and by the naive responses of thisunhappy wretch, all the trickery of this affair, I determined by theadvice of Master Francois de Hangest, physician of the chapter, tofeign an illness and quit the service of the Church of St. Maurice andof the archbishopric, in order not to dip my hands in the innocentblood, which still cries and will continue to cry aloud unto God untilthe day of the last judgment. Then was the jailer dismissed, and inhis place was put the second son of the torturer, who threw theMoorish woman into a dungeon, and inhumanly put upon her hands andfeet chains weighing fifty pounds, besides a wooden waistband; and thejail were watched by the crossbowmen of the town and the people of thearchbishop. The wench was tormented and tortured, and her bones werebroken; conquered by sorrow, she made an avowal according to thewishes of Jehan de la Haye, and was instantly condemned to be burnedin the enclosure of St. Etienne, having been previously placed in theportals of the church, attired in a chemise of sulphur, and her goodsgiven over to the Chapter, et cetera. This order was the cause ofgreat disturbances and fighting in the town, because three youngknights of Touraine swore to die in the service of the poor girl, andto deliver her in all possible ways. Then they came into the town, accompanied by thousands of sufferers, labouring people, old soldiers, warriors, courtesans, and others, whom the said girls had succoured, saved from misfortune, from hunger and misery, and searched all thepoor dwellings of the town where lay those to whom she had done good. Thus all were stirred up and called together to the plain ofMount-Louis under the protection of the soldiers of the said lords;they had for companions all the scape-graces of the said twentyleagues around, and came one morning to lay siege to the prison of thearchbishop, demanding that the Moorish woman should be given up tothem as though they would put her to death, but in fact to set herfree, and to place her secretly upon a swift horse, that she mightgain the open country, seeing that she rode like a groom. Then in thisfrightful tempest of men have we seen between the battlements of thearchiepiscopal palace and the bridges, more than ten thousand menswarming, besides those who were perched upon the roofs of the housesand climbing on all the balconies to see the sedition; in short it waseasy to hear the horrible cries of the Christians, who were terribly inearnest, and of those who surrounded the jail with the intention ofsetting the poor girl free, across the Loire, the other side of SaintSymphorien. The suffocation and squeezing of bodies was so great inthis immense crowd, bloodthirsty for the poor creature at whose kneesthey would have fallen had they had the opportunity of seeing her, thatseven children, eleven women, and eight citizens were crushed andsmashed beyond all recognition, since they were like splodges of mud;in short, so wide open was the great mouth of this popular leviathan, this horrible monster, that the clamour was heard atMontils-les-Tours. All cried 'Death to the Succubus! Throw out thedemon! Ha! I'd like a quarter! I'll have her skin! The foot for me, themane for thee! The head for me! The something for me! Is it red? Shallwe see? Will it be grilled? Death to her! death!' Each one had his say. But the cry, 'Largesse to God! Death to the Succubus!' was yelled atthe same time by the crowd so hoarsely and so cruelly that one's earsand heart bled therefrom; and the other cries were scarcely heard inthe houses. The archbishop decided, in order to calm this storm whichthreatened to overthrow everything, to come out with great pomp fromthe church, bearing the host, which would deliver the Chapter fromruin, since the wicked young men and the lords had sworn to destroyand burn the cloisters and all the canons. Now by this stratagem thecrowd was obliged to break up, and from lack of provisions return totheir houses. Then the monks of Touraine, the lords, and the citizens, in great apprehension of pillage on the morrow, held a nocturnalcouncil, and accepted the advice of the Chapter. By their efforts themen-at-arms, archers, knights, and citizens, in a large number, keptwatch, and killed a party of shepherds, road menders, and vagrants, who, knowing the disturbed state of Tours, came to swell the ranks ofthe malcontents. The Sire Harduin de Maille, an old nobleman, reasonedwith the young knights, who were the champions of the Moorish woman, and argued sagely with them, asking them if for so small a woman theywished to put Touraine to fire and sword; that even if they werevictorious they would be masters of the bad characters broughttogether by them; that these said freebooters, after having sacked thecastles of their enemies, would turn to those of their chiefs. Thatthe rebellion commenced had had no success in the first attack, because up to that time the place was untouched, could they have anyover the church, which would invoke the aid of the king? And athousand other arguments. To these reasons the young knights replied, that it was easy for the Chapter to aid the girl's escape in thenight, and that thus the cause of the sedition would be removed. Tothis humane and wise requests replied Monseigneur de Censoris, thePope's legate, that it was necessary that strength should remain withthe religion of the Church. And thereupon the poor wench payed forall, since it was agreed that no inquiry should be made concerningthis sedition. 

"Then the Chapter had full licence to proceed to the penance of thegirl, to which act and ecclesiastical ceremony the people came fromtwelve leagues around. So that on the day when, after divinesatisfaction, the Succubus was to be delivered up to secular justice, in order to be publicly burnt at a stake, not for a gold pound would alord or even an abbott have been found lodging in the town of Tours. The night before many camped outside the town in tents, or slept uponstraw. Provisions were lacking, and many who came with their belliesfull, returned with their bellies empty, having seen nothing but thereflection of the fire in the distance. And the bad characters didgood strokes of business by the way. 

"The poor courtesan was half dead; her hair had whitened. She was, totell the truth, nothing but a skeleton, scarcely covered with flesh, and her chains weighed more than she did. If she had had joy in herlife, she paid dearly for it at this moment. Those who saw her passsay that she wept and shrieked in a way that should have earned thepity of her hardest pursuers; and in the church there were compelledto put a piece of wood in her mouth, which she bit as a lizard bites astick. Then the executioner tied her to a stake to sustain her, sinceshe let herself roll at times and fell for want of strength. Then shesuddenly recovered a vigorous handful, because, this notwithstanding, she was able, it is said to break her cords and escape into thechurch, where in remembrance of her old vocation, she climbed quicklyinto galleries above, flying like a bird along the little columns andsmall friezes. She was about to escape on to the roof when a soldierperceived her, and thrust his spear in the sole of her foot. In spiteof her foot half cut through, the poor girl still ran along the churchwithout noticing it, going along with her bones broken and her bloodgushing out, so great fear had she of the flames of the stake. At lastshe was taken and bound, thrown into a tumbrel and led to the stake, without being afterwards heard to utter a cry. The account of herflight in the church assisted in making the common people believe thatshe was the devil, and some of them said that she had flown in theair. As soon as the executioner of the town threw her into the flames, she made two or three horrible leaps and fell down into the bottom ofthe pile, which burned day and night. On the following evening I wentto see if anything remained of this gentle girl, so sweet, so loving, but I found nothing but a fragment of the 'os stomachal, ' in which, isspite of this, there still remained some moisture, and which some saystill trembled like a woman does in the same place. It is impossibleto tell, my dear son, the sadnesses, without number and without equal, which for about ten years weighed upon me; always was I thinking ofthis angel burnt by wicked men, and always I beheld her with her eyesfull of love. In short the supernatural gifts of this artless childwere shining day and night before me, and I prayed for her in thechurch, where she had been martyred. At length I had neither thestrength nor the courage to look without trembling upon the grandpenitentiary Jehan de la Haye, who died eaten up by lice. Leprosy washis punishment. Fire burned his house and his wife; and all those whohad a hand in the burning had their own hands singed. 

"This, my well-beloved son, was the cause of a thousand ideas, which Ihave here put into writing to be forever the rule of conduct in ourfamily. 

"I quitted the service of the church, and espoused your mother, fromwhom I received infinite blessings, and with whom I shared my life, mygoods, my soul, and all. And she agreed with me in following precepts--Firstly, that to live happily, it is necessary to keep far away fromchurch people, to honour them much without giving them leave to enteryour house, any more than to those who by right, just or unjust, aresupposed to be superior to us. Secondly, to take a modest condition, and to keep oneself in it without wishing to appear in any way rich. To have a care to excite no envy, nor strike any onesoever in anymanner, because it is needful to be as strong as an oak, which killsthe plants at its feet, to crush envious heads, and even then wouldone succumb, since human oaks are especially rare and that noTournebouche should flatter himself that he is one, granting that hebe a Tournebouche. Thirdly, never to spend more than one quarter ofone's income, conceal one's wealth, hide one's goods and chattels, toundertake no office, to go to church like other people, and alwayskeep one's thoughts to oneself, seeing that they belong to you and notto others, who twist them about, turn them after their own fashion, and make calumnies therefrom. Fourthly, always to remain in thecondition of the Tournebouches, who are now and forever drapers. Tomarry your daughters to good drapers, send your sons to be drapers inother towns of France furnished with these wise precepts, and to bringthem up to the honour of drapery, and without leaving any dream ofambition in their minds. A draper like a Tournebouche should be theirglory, their arms, their name, their motto, their life. Thus by beingalways drapers, they will be always Tournebouches, and rub on like thegood little insects, who, once lodged in the beam, made their dens, and go on with security to the end of their ball of thread. Fifthlynever to speak any other language than that of drapery, and never todispute concerning religion or government. And even though thegovernment of the state, the province, religion, and God turn about, or have a fancy to go to the right or to the left, always in yourquality of Tournebouche, stick to your cloth. Thus unnoticed by theothers of the town, the Tournebouches will live in peace with theirlittle Tournebouches--paying the tithes and taxes, and all that theyare required by force to give, be it to God, or to the king, to thetown of to the parish, with all of whom it is unwise to struggle. Alsoit is necessary to keep the patrimonial treasure, to have peace and tobuy peace, never to owe anything, to have corn in the house, and enjoyyourselves with the doors and windows shut. 

"By this means none will take from the Tournebouches, neither thestate, nor the Church, nor the Lords, to whom should the case be thatforce is employed, you will lend a few crowns without cherishing theidea of ever seeing him again--I mean the crowns. 

"Thus, in all seasons people will love the Tournebouches, will mockthe Tournebouches as poor people--as the slow Tournebouches, asTournebouches of no understanding. Let the know-nothings say on. TheTournebouches will neither be burned nor hanged, to the advantage ofKing or Church, or other people; and the wise Tournebouches will havesecretly money in their pockets, and joy in their houses, hidden fromall. 

"Now, my dear son, follow this the counsel of a modest andmiddle-class life. Maintain this in thy family as a county charter;and when you die, let your successor maintain it as the sacred gospelof the Tournebouches, until God wills it that there be no longerTournebouches in this world. "

This letter has been found at the time of the inventory made in thehouse of Francois Tournebouche, lord of Veretz, chancellor toMonseigneur the Dauphin, and condemned at the time of the rebellion ofthe said lord against the King to lose his head, and have all hisgoods confiscated by order of the Parliament of Paris. The said letterhas been handed to the Governor of Touraine as an historicalcuriosity, and joined to the pieces of the process in thearchbishopric of Tours, by me, Pierre Gaultier, Sheriff, President ofthe Trades Council. 

The author having finished the transcription and deciphering of theseparchments, translating them from their strange language into French, the donor of them declared that the Rue Chaude at Tours was so called, according to certain people, because the sun remained there longerthan in all other parts. But in spite of this version, people of loftyunderstanding will find, in the warm way of the said Succubus, thereal origin of the said name. In which acquiesces the author. Thisteaches us not to abuse our body, but use it wisely in view of oursalvation. 

 DESPAIR IN LOVE

At the time when King Charles the Eighth took it into his head todecorate the castle of Amboise, they came with him certain workmen, master sculptors, good painters, and masons, or architects, whoornamented the galleries with splendid works, which, through neglect, have since been much spoiled. 

At that time the court was staying in this beautiful locality, and, aseveryone knows, the king took great pleasure in watching his peoplework out their ideas. Among these foreign gentlemen was an Italian, named Angelo Cappara, a most worthy young man, and, in spite of hisage, a better sculptor and engraver than any of them; and itastonished many to see one in the April of his life so clever. Indeed, there had scarcely sprouted upon his visage the hair which imprintsupon a man virile majesty. To this Angelo the ladies took a greatfancy because he was charming as a dream, and as melancholy as a doveleft solitary in its nest by the death of its mate. And this was thereason thereof: this sculptor knew the curse of poverty, which marsand troubles all the actions of life; he lived miserably, eatinglittle, ashamed of his pennilessness, and made use of his talents onlythrough great despair, wishing by any means to win that idle lifewhich is the best all for those whose minds are occupied. TheFlorentine, out of bravado, came to the court gallantly attired, andfrom the timidity of youth and misfortune dared not ask his money fromthe king, who, seeing him thus dressed, believed him well witheverything. The courtiers and the ladies used all to admire hisbeautiful works, and also their author; but of money he got none. All, and the ladies above all, finding him rich by nature, esteemed himwell off with his youth, his long black hair, and bright eyes, and didnot give a thought to lucre, while thinking of these things and therest. Indeed they were quite right, since these advantages gave tomany a rascal of the court, lands, money and all. In spite of hisyouthful appearance, Master Angelo was twenty years of age, and nofool, had a large heart, a head full of poetry; and more than that, was a man of lofty imaginings. But although he had little confidencein himself, like all poor and unfortunate people, he was astonished atthe success of the ignorant. He fancied that he was ill-fashioned, either in body or mind, and kept his thoughts to himself. I am wrong, for he told them in the clear starlight nights to the shadows, to God, to the devil, and everything about him. At such times he would lamenthis fate in having a heart so warm, that doubtless the ladies avoidedhim as they would a red-hot iron; then he would say to himself how hewould worship a beautiful mistress, how all his life long he wouldhonour her, and with what fidelity he would attach himself to her, with what affection serve her, how studiously obey her commands, withwhat sports he would dispel the light clouds of her melancholy sadnesson the days when the skies should be overcast. Fashioning himself oneout of his imagination, he would throw himself at her feet, kiss, fondle, caress, bite, and clasp her with as much reality as a prisonerscampers over the grass when he sees the green fields through the barsof his cell. Thus he would appeal to her mercy; overcome with hisfeelings, would stop her breath with his embraces, would become daringin spite of his respect, and passionately bite the clothes of his bed, seeking this celestial lady, full of courage when by himself, butabashed on the morrow if he passed one by. Nevertheless, inflamed bythese amorous advances, he would hammer way anew at his marblefigures, would carve beautiful breasts, to bring the water into one'smouth at the sight of those sweet fruits of love, without counting theother things that he raised, carved, and caressed with the chisels, smoothed down with his file, and fashioned in a manner that would maketheir use intelligible to the mind of a greenhorn, and stain hisverdure in a single day. The ladies would criticise these beauties, and all of them were smitten with the youthful Cappara. And theyouthful Cappara would eye them up and down, swearing that the day oneof them gave him her little finger to kiss, he would have his desire. 

Among these high-born ladies there came one day one by herself to theyoung Florentine, asking him why he was so shy, and if none of thecourt ladies could make him sociable. Then she graciously invited himto come to her house that evening. 

Master Angelo perfumes himself, purchases a velvet mantle with adouble fringe of satin, borrows from a friend a cloak with widesleeves, a slashed doublet, and silken hose, arrives at the house, andascends the stairs with hasty feet, hope beaming from his eyes, knowing not what to do with his heart, which leaped and bounded like agoat; and, to sum up, so much over head and ears in love, that theperspiration trickled down his back. 

You may be sure the lady was a beautiful, and Master Cappara was themore aware of it, since in his profession he had studied the mouldingsof the arms, the lines of the body, the secret surroundings of thesex, and other mysteries. Now this lady satisfied the especial rulesof art; and besides being fair and slender, she had a voice to disturblife in its source, to stir fire of a heart, brain, and everything; inshort, she put into one's imagination delicious images of love withoutthinking of it, which is the characteristic of these cursed women. 

The sculptor found her seated by the fire in a high chair, and thelady immediately commenced to converse at her ease, although Angelocould find no other replies than "Yes" and "No, " could get no otherwords from his throat nor idea in his brain, and would have beaten hishead against the fireplace but for the happiness of gazing at andlistening to his lovely mistress, who was playing there like a youngfly in the sunshine. Because, which this mute admiration, bothremained until the middle of the night, wandering slowly down theflowery path of love, the good sculptor went away radiant withhappiness. On the road, he concluded in his own mind, that if a noblelady kept him rather close to her skirts during four hours of thenight, it would not matter a straw if she kept him there theremainder. Drawing from these premises certain corollaries, heresolved to ask her favours as a simple woman. Then he determined tokill everybody--the husband, the wife, or himself--rather than losethe distaff whereon to spin one hour of joy. Indeed, he was so madwith love, that he believed life to be but a small stake in the gameof love, since one single day of it was worth a thousand lives. 

The Florentine chiselled away at his statues, thinking of his evening, and thus spoiled many a nose thinking of something else. Noticingthis, he left his work, perfumed himself, and went to listen to thesweet words of his lady, with the hope of turning them into deeds; butwhen he was in the presence of his sovereign, her feminine majestymade itself felt, and poor Cappara, such a lion in street, lookedsheepish when gazing at his victim. This notwithstanding, towards thehour when desire becomes heated, he was almost in the lady's lap andheld her tightly clasped. He had obtained a kiss, had taken it, muchto his delight; for, when they give it, the ladies retain the right ofrefusal, but when they left it to be taken, the lover may take athousand. This is the reason why all of them are accustomed to let itbe taken. The Florentine has stolen a great number, and things weregoing on admirably, when the lady, who had been thrifty with herfavours, cried, "My husband!"

And, in fact, my lord had just returned from playing tennis, and thesculptor had to leave the place, but not without receiving a warmglance from the lady interrupted in her pleasure. This was all hissubstance, pittance and enjoyment during a whole month, since on thebrink of his joy always came the said husband, and he always arrivedwisely between a point-blank refusal and those little sweet caresseswith which women always season their refusals--little things whichreanimate love and render it all the stronger. And when the sculptor, out of patience, commenced, immediately upon his arrival, the skirmishof the skirt, in order that victory might arrive before the husband, to whom, no doubt, these disturbances were not without profit, hisfine lady, seeing desire written in the eyes of her sculptor, commenced endless quarrels and altercations; at first she pretended tobe jealous in order to rail against love; then appeased the anger ofthe little one with the moisture of a kiss, then kept the conversationto herself, and kept on saying that her lover should be good, obedientto her will, otherwise she would not yield to him her life and soul;that a desire was a small thing to offer a mistress; that she was morecourageous, because loving more she sacrificed more, and to hispropositions she would exclaim, "Silence, sir!" with the air of aqueen, and at times she would put on an angry look, to reply to thereproachs of Cappara: "If you are not as I wish you to be, I will nolonger love you. "

The poor Italian saw, when it was too late, that this was not a noblelove, one of those which does not mete out joy as a miser his crowns;and that this lady took delight in letting him jump about outside thehedge and be master of everything, provided he touched not the gardenof love. At this business Cappara became a savage enough to killanyone, and took with him trusty companions, his friends, to whom hegave the task of attacking the husband while walking home to bed afterhis game of tennis with the king. He came to his lady at theaccustomed hour when the sweet sports of love were in full swing, which sports were long, lasting kisses, hair twisted and untwisted, hand bitten with passion, ears as well; indeed, the whole business, with the exception of that especial thing which good authors rightlyfind abominable. The Florentine exclaims between two hearty kisses--

"Sweet one, do you love me more than anything?"

"Yes, " said she, because words never cost anything. 

"Well then, " replied the lover, "be mine in deed as in word. "

"But, " said she, "my husband will be here directly. "

"Is that the only reason?" said he. 

"Yes. "

"I have friends who will cross him, and will not let him go unless Ishow a torch at this window. If he complain to the king, my friendswill say, they thought they were playing a joke on one of their ownset. "

"Ah, my dear, " said she, "let me see if everyone in the house is goneto bed. "

She rose, and held the light to the window. Seeing which Cappara blewout the candle, seized his sword, and placing himself in front of thewoman, whose scorn and evil mind he recognised. 

"I will not kill you, madame, " said he, "but I will mark your face insuch a manner you will never again coquette with young lovers whoselives you waste. You have deceived me shamefully, and are not arespectable woman. You must know that a kiss will never sustain lifein a true lover, and that a kissed mouth needs the rest. Your havemade my life forever dull and wretched; now I will make you rememberforever my death, which you have caused. You shall never again beholdyourself in a glass without seeing there my face also. " Then he raisedhis arm, and held the sword ready to cut off a good slice of the freshfair cheek, where still all the traces of his kiss remained. And thelady exclaimed, "You wretch!"

"Hold your tongue, " said he; "you told me that you loved me betterthan anything. Now you say otherwise; each evening have you raised mea little nearer to heaven; with one blow you cast me into hell, andyou think that your petticoat can save you from a lover's wrath--No!"

"Ah, my Angelo! I am thine, " said she, marvelling at this man glaringwith rage. 

But he, stepping three paces back, replied, "Ah, woman of the courtand wicked heart, thou lovest, then, thy face better than thy lover. "

She turned pale, and humbly held up her face, for she understood thatat this moment her past perfidy wronged her present love. With asingle blow Angelo slashed her face, then left her house, and quittedthe country. The husband not having been stopped by reason of thatlight which was seen by the Florentines, found his wife minus her leftcheek. But she spoke not a word in spite of her agony; she loved herCappara more than life itself. Nevertheless, the husband wished toknow whence preceded this wound. No one having been there except theFlorentine, he complained to the king, who had his workman hastilypursued, and ordered him to be hanged at Blois. On the day ofexecution a noble lady was seized with a desire to save thiscourageous man, whom she believed to be a lover of the right sort. Shebegged the king to give him to her, which he did willingly. ButCappara declaring that he belonged entirely to his lady, the memory ofwhom he could not banish entirely, entered the Church, became acardinal and a great savant, and used to say in his old age that hehad existed upon the remembrance of the joys tasted in those poorhours of anguish; in which he was, at the same time, both very welland very badly treated by his lady. There are authors sayingafterwards he succeeded better with his old sweetheart, whose cheekhealed; but I cannot believe this, because he was a man of heart, whohad a high opinion of the holy joys of love. 

This teaches us nothing worth knowing, unless it be that there areunlucky meetings in life, since this tale is in every way true. If inother places the author has overshot the truth, this one will gain forhim the indulgence of the conclave or lovers. 

 EPILOGUE

This second series comes in the merry month of June, when all is greenand gay, because the poor muse, whose slave the author is, has beenmore capricious then the love of a queen, and has mysteriously wishedto bring forth her fruit in the time of flowers. No one can boasthimself master of this fay. At times, when grave thoughts occupy themind and grieve the brain, comes the jade whispering her merry talesin the author's ear, tickling her lips with her feathers, dancingsarabands, and making the house echo with her laughter. If by chancethe writer, abandoning science for pleasure, says to her, "Wait amoment, little one, till I come, " and runs in great haste to play withthe madcap, she has disappeared. She has gone into her hole, hidesherself there, rolls herself up, and retires. Take the poker, take astaff, a cudgel, a cane, raise them, strike the wench, and rave ather, she moans; strap her, she moans; caress her, fondle her, shemoans; kiss her, say to her, "Here, little one, " she moans. Now she'scold, now she is going to die; adieu to love, adieu to laughter, adieuto merriment, adieu to good stories. Wear mourning for her, weep andfancy her dead, groan. Then she raises her head, her merry laugh ringsout again; she spreads her white wings, flies one knows not wither, turns in the air, capers, shows her impish tail, her woman's breasts, her strong loins, and her angelic face, shakes her perfumed tresses, gambols in the rays of the sun, shines forth in all her beauty, changes her colours like the breast of a dove, laughs until she cries, cast the tears of her eyes into the sea, where the fishermen find themtransmuted into pretty pearls, which are gathered to adorn theforeheads of queens. She twists about like a colt broken loose, exposing her virgin charms, and a thousand things so fair that a popewould peril his salvation for her at the mere sight of them. Duringthese wild pranks of the ungovernable beast you meet fools andfriends, who say to the poor poet, "Where are your tales? Where areyour new volumes? You are a pagan prognosticator. Oh yes, you areknown. You go to fetes and feasts, and do nothing between your meals. Where's your work?"

Although I am by nature partial to kindness, I should like to see oneof these people impaled in the Turkish fashion, and thus equipped, sent on the Love Chase. Here endeth the second series; make the devilgive it a lift with his horns, and it will be well received by asmiling Christendom. 

 VOLUME III THE THIRD TEN TALES

 CONTENTS

PROLOGUEPERSEVERANCE IN LOVECONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGSABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAYBERTHA THE PENITENTHOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGEIN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININECONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINSODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMSINNOCENCETHE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIEDEPILOGUE

 PROLOGUE

Certain persons have interrogated the author as to why there was sucha demand for these tales that no year passes without his giving aninstalment of them, and why he has lately taken to writing commasmixed up with bad syllables, at which the ladies publicly knit theirbrows, and have put to him other questions of a like character. 

The author declares that these treacherous words, cast like pebbles inhis path, have touched him in the very depths of his heart, and he issufficiently cognisant of his duty not to fail to give to his specialaudience in this prologue certain reasons other than the precedingones, because it is always necessary to reason with children untilthey are grown up, understand things, and hold their tongues; andbecause he perceives many mischievous fellows among the crowd of noisypeople, who ignore at pleasure the real object of these volumes. 

In the first place know, that if certain virtuous ladies--I sayvirtuous because common and low class women do not read these stories, preferring those that are never published; on the contrary, othercitizens' wives and ladies, of high respectability and godliness, although doubtless disgusted with the subject-matter, read thempiously to satisfy an evil spirit, and thus keep themselves virtuous. Do you understand, my good reapers of horns? It is better to bedeceived by the tale of a book than cuckolded through the story of agentleman. You are saved the damage by this, poor fools! besideswhich, often your lady becomes enamoured, is seized with fecundagitations to your advantage, raised in her by the present book. Therefore do these volumes assist to populate the land and maintain itin mirth, honour and health. I say mirth, because much is to bederived from these tales. I say honour, because you save your nestfrom the claws of that youthful demon named cuckoldom in the languageof the Celts. I say health, because this book incites that which wasprescribed by the Church of Salerno, for the avoidance of cerebralplethora. Can you derive a like proof in any other typographicallyblackened portfolios? Ha! ha! where are the books that make children?Think! Nowhere. But you will find a glut of children making bookswhich beget nothing but weariness. 

But to continue. Now be it known that when ladies, of a virtuousnature and a talkative turn of mind, converse publicly on the subjectof these volumes, a great number of them, far from reprimanding theauthor, confess that they like him very much, esteem him a valiantman, worthy to be a monk in the Abbey of Theleme. For as many reasonsas there are stars in the heavens, he does not drop the style which hehas adopted in these said tales, but lets himself be vituperated, andkeeps steadily on his way, because noble France is a woman who refusesto yield, crying, twisting about, and saying, "No, no, never! Oh, sir, what are you going to do? I won't let you;you'd rumple me. "

And when the volume is done and finished, all smiles, she exclaims, "Oh, master, are there any more to come?"

You may take it for granted that the author is a merry fellow, whotroubles himself little about the cries, tears and tricks of the ladyyou call glory, fashion, or public favour, for he knows her to be awanton who would put up with any violence. He knows that in France herwar-cry is _Mount Joy_! A fine cry indeed, but one which certainwriters have disfigured, and which signifies, "Joy it is not of theearth, it is there; seize it, otherwise good-bye. " The author has thisinterpretation from Rabelais, who told it to him. If you searchhistory, has France ever breathed a word when she was joyous mounted, bravely mounted, passionately mounted, mounted and out of breath? Shegoes furiously at everything, and likes this exercise better thandrinking. Now, do you not see that these volumes are French, joyfullyFrench, wildly French, French before, French behind, French to thebackbone. Back then, curs! strike up the music; silence, bigots!advance my merry wags, my little pages, put your soft hands into theladies' hands and tickle them in the middle--of the hand of course. Ha! ha! these are high sounding and peripatetic reasons, or the authorknows nothing of sound and the philosophy of Aristotle. He has on hisside the crown of France and the oriflamme of the king and MonsieurSt. Denis, who, having lost his head, said "Mount-my-Joy!" Do you meanto say, you quadrupeds, that the word is wrong? No. It was certainlyheard by a great many people at the time; but in these days of deepwretchedness you believe nothing concerning the good old saints. 

The author has not finished yet. Know all ye who read these tales witheye and hand, feel them in the head alone, and love them for the joythey bring you, and which goes to your heart, know that the authorhaving in an evil hour let his ideas, _id est_, his inheritance, goastray, and being unable to get them together again, found himself ina state of mental nudity. Then he cried like the woodcutter in theprologue of the book of his dear master Rabelais, in order to makehimself heard by the gentleman on high, Lord Paramount of all things, and obtain from Him fresh ideas. This said Most High, still busy withthe congress of the time, threw to him through Mercury an inkstandwith two cups, on which was engraved, after the manner of a motto, these three letters, _Ave_. Then the poor fellow, perceiving no otherhelp, took great care to turn over this said inkstand to find out thehidden meaning of it, thinking over the mysterious words and trying tofind a key to them. First, he saw that God was polite, like the greatLord as He is, because the world is His, and He holds the title of itfrom no one. But since, in thinking over the days of his youth, heremembered no great service rendered to God, the author was in doubtconcerning this hollow civility, and pondered long without finding outthe real substance of the celestial utensil. By reason of turning itand twisting it about, studying it, looking at it, feeling it, emptying it, knocking it in an interrogatory manner, smacking it down, standing it up straight, standing it on one side, and turning itupside down, he read backwards _Eva_. Who is _Eva_, if not all womenin one? Therefore by the Voice Divine was it said to the author:

Think of women; woman will heal thy wound, stop the waste-hole in thybag of tricks. Woman is thy wealth; have but one woman, dress, undress, and fondle that women, make use of the woman--woman iseverything--woman has an inkstand of her own; dip thy pen in thatbottomless inkpot. Women like love; make love to her with the penonly, tickle her phantasies, and sketch merrily for her a thousandpictures of love in a thousand pretty ways. Woman is generous, and allfor one, or one for all, must pay the painter, and furnish the hairsof the brush. Now, muse upon that which is written here. _Ave_, Hail, _Eva_, woman; or _Eva_, woman, _Ave_, Hail. Yes, she makes andunmakes. Heigh, then, for the inkstand! What does woman like best?What does she desire? All the special things of love; and woman isright. To have children, to produce an imitation, of nature, which isalways in labour. Come to me, then, woman!--come to me, Eva!

With this the author began to dip into that fertile inkpot, wherethere was a brain-fluid, concocted by virtues from on high in atalismanic fashion. From one cup there came serious things, whichwrote themselves in brown ink; and from the other trifling things, which merely gave a roseate hue to the pages of the manuscript. Thepoor author has often, from carelessness, mixed the inks, now here, now there; but as soon as the heavy sentences, difficult to smooth, polish, and brighten up, of some work suitable to the taste of the dayare finished, the author, eager to amuse himself, in spite of thesmall amount of merry ink remaining in the left cup, steals and bearseagerly therefrom a few penfuls with great delight. These said penfulsare, indeed, these same Droll Tales, the authority on which is abovesuspicion, because it flows from a divine source, as is shown in thisthe author's naive confession. 

Certain evil-disposed people will still cry out at this; but can youfind a man perfectly contented on this lump of mud? Is it not a shame?In this the author has wisely comported himself in imitation of ahigher power; and he proves it by _atqui_. Listen. Is it not mostclearly demonstrated to the learned that the sovereign Lord of worldshas made an infinite number of heavy, weighty, and serious machineswith great wheels, large chains, terrible notches, and frightfullycomplicated screws and weights like the roasting jack, but also hasamused Himself with little trifles and grotesque things light aszephyrs, and has made also naive and pleasant creations, at which youlaugh directly you see them? Is it not so? Then in all eccentricworks, such as the very spacious edifice undertaken by the author, inorder to model himself upon the laws of the above-named Lord, it isnecessary to fashion certain delicate flowers, pleasant insects, finedragons well twisted, imbricated, and coloured--nay, even gilt, although he is often short of gold--and throw them at the feet of hissnow-clad mountains, piles of rocks, and other cloud-cappedphilosophers, long and terrible works, marble columns, real thoughtscarved in porphyry. 

Ah! unclean beasts, who despise and repudiate the figures, phantasies, harmonies, and roulades of the fair muse of drollery, will you notpare your claws, so that you may never again scratch her white skin, all azure with veins, her amorous reins, her flanks of surpassingelegance, her feet that stay modestly in bed, her satin face, herlustrous features, her heart devoid of bitterness? Ah! wooden-heads, what will you say when you find that this merry lass springs from theheart of France, agrees with all that is womanly in nature, has beensaluted with a polite _Ave_! by the angels in the person of theirspokesman, Mercury, and finally, is the clearest quintessence of Art. In this work are to be met with necessity, virtue, whim, the desire ofa woman, the votive offering of a stout Pantagruelist, all are here. Hold your peace, then, drink to the author, and let his inkstand withthe double cup endow the Gay Science with a hundred glorious DrollTales. 

Stand back then, curs; strike up the music! Silence, bigots; out ofthe way, dunces! step forward my merry wags!--my little pages! giveyour soft hand to the ladies, and tickle theirs in the centre in apretty manner, saying to them, "Read to laugh. " Afterwards you cantell them some mere jest to make them roar, since when they arelaughing their lips are apart, and they make but a faint resistance tolove. 

 PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE

During the first years of the thirteenth century after the coming ofour Divine Saviour there happened in the City of Paris an amorousadventure, through the deed of a man of Tours, of which the town andeven the king's court was never tired of speaking. As to the clergy, you will see by that which is related the part they played in thishistory, the testimony of which was by them preserved. This said man, called the Touranian by the common people, because he had been born inour merry Touraine, had for his true name that of Anseau. In hislatter days the good man returned into his own country and was mayorof St. Martin, according to the chronicles of the abbey of that town;but at Paris he was a great silversmith. 

But now in his prime, by his great honesty, his labours, and so forth, he became a citizen of Paris and subject of the king, whose protectionhe bought, according to the custom of the period. He had a house builtfor him free of all quit-rent, close the Church of St. Leu, in the RueSt. Denis, where his forge was well-known by those in want of finejewels. Although he was a Touranian, and had plenty of spirit andanimation, he kept himself virtuous as a true saint, in spite of theblandishments of the city, and had passed the days of his green seasonwithout once dragging his good name through the mire. Many will saythis passes the bounds of that faculty of belief which God has placedin us to aid that faith due to the mysteries of our holy religion; soit is needful to demonstrate abundantly the secret cause of thissilversmith's chastity. And, first remember that he came into the townon foot, poor as Job, according to the old saying; and unlike all theinhabitants of our part of the country, who have but one passion, hehad a character of iron, and persevered in the path he had chosen assteadily as a monk in vengeance. As a workman, he laboured from mornto night; become a master, he laboured still, always learning newsecrets, seeking new receipts, and in seeking, meeting with inventionsof all kinds. Late idlers, watchmen, and vagrants saw always a modestlamp shining through the silversmith's window, and the good mantapping, sculpting, rounding, distilling, modeling, and finishing, with his apprentices, his door closed and his ears open. Povertyengendered hard work, hard work engendered his wonderful virtue, andhis virtue engendered his great wealth. Take this to heart, yechildren of Cain who eat doubloons and micturate water. If the goodsilversmith felt himself possessed with wild desires, which now in oneway, now another, seize upon an unhappy bachelor when the devil triesto get hold of him, making the sign of the cross, the Touranianhammered away at his metal, drove out the rebellious spirits from hisbrain by bending down over the exquisite works of art, littleengravings, figures of gold and silver forms, with which he appeasedthe anger of his Venus. Add to this that this Touranian was an artlessman, of simple understanding, fearing God above all things, thenrobbers, next to that of nobles, and more than all, a disturbance. Although if he had two hands, he never did more than one thing at atime. His voice was as gentle as that of a bridegroom before marriage. Although the clergy, the military, and others gave him no reputationfor knowledge, he knew well his mother's Latin, and spoke it correctlywithout waiting to be asked. Latterly the Parisians had taught him towalk uprightly, not to beat the bush for others, to measure hispassions by the rule of his revenues, not to let them take his leatherto make other's shoes, to trust no one farther then he could see them, never to say what he did, and always to do what he said; never tospill anything but water; to have a better memory than flies usuallyhave; to keep his hands to himself, to do the same with his purse; toavoid a crowd at the corner of a street, and sell his jewels for morethan they cost him; all things, the sage observance of which gave himas much wisdom as he had need of to do business comfortably andpleasantly. And so he did, without troubling anyone else. And watchingthis good little man unobserved, many said, "By my faith, I should like to be this jeweller, even were I obligedto splash myself up to the eyes with the mud of Paris during a hundredyears for it. "

They might just as well have wished to be king of France, seeing thatthe silversmith had great powerful nervous arms, so wonderfully strongthat when he closed his fist the cleverest trick of the roughestfellow could not open it; from which you may be sure that whatever hegot hold of he stuck to. More than this, he had teeth fit to masticateiron, a stomach to dissolve it, a duodenum to digest it, a sphincterto let it out again without tearing, and shoulders that would bear auniverse upon them, like that pagan gentleman to whom the job wasconfided, and whom the timely arrival of Jesus Christ discharged fromthe duty. He was, in fact, a man made with one stroke, and they arethe best, for those who have to be touched are worth nothing, beingpatched up and finished at odd times. In short, Master Anseau was athorough man, with a lion's face, and under his eyebrows a glance thatwould melt his gold if the fire of his forge had gone out, but alimpid water placed in his eyes by the great Moderator of all thingstempered this great ardour, without which he would have burnt upeverything. Was he not a splendid specimen of a man?

With such a sample of his cardinal virtues, some persist in asking whythe good silversmith remained as unmarried as an oyster, seeing thatthese properties of nature are of good use in all places. But theseopinionated critics, do they know what it is to love? Ho! Ho! Easy!The vocation of a lover is to go, to come, to listen, to watch, tohold his tongue, to talk, to stick in a corner, to make himself big, to make himself little, to agree, to play music, to drudge, to go tothe devil wherever he may be, to count the gray peas in the dovecote, to find flowers under the snow, to say paternosters to the moon, topat the cat and pat the dog, to salute the friends, to flatter thegout, or the cold of the aunt, to say to her at opportune moments "Youhave good looks, and will yet write the epitaph of the human race. " Toplease all the relations, to tread on no one's corns, to break noglasses, to waste no breath, to talk nonsense, to hold ice in hishand, to say, "This is good!" or, "Really, madam, you are verybeautiful so. " And to vary that in a hundred different ways. To keephimself cool, to bear himself like a nobleman, to have a free tongueand a modest one, to endure with a smile all the evils the devil mayinvent on his behalf, to smother his anger, to hold nature in control, to have the finger of God, and the tail of the devil, to reward themother, the cousin, the servant; in fact, to put a good face oneverything. In default of which the female escapes and leaves you in afix, without giving a single Christian reason. In fact, the lover ofthe most gentle maid that God ever created in a good-tempered moment, had he talked like a book, jumped like a flea, turned about like dice, played like King David, and built for the aforesaid woman theCorinthian order of the columns of the devil, if he failed in theessential and hidden thing which pleases his lady above all others, which often she does not know herself and which he has need to know, the lass leaves him like a red leper. She is quite right. No one canblame her for so doing. When this happens some men becomeill-tempered, cross, and more wretched than you can possibly imagine. Have not many of them killed themselves through this petticoat tyranny?In this matter the man distinguishes himself from the beast, seeing thatno animal ever yet lost his senses through blighted love, which provesabundantly that animals have no souls. The employment of a lover isthat of a mountebank, of a soldier, of a quack, of a buffoon, of aprince, of a ninny, of a king, of an idler, of a monk, of a dupe, of ablackguard, of a liar, of a braggart, of a sycophant, of a numskull, of a frivolous fool, of a blockhead, of a know-nothing, of a knave. Anemployment from which Jesus abstained, in imitation of whom folks ofgreat understanding likewise disdain it; it is a vocation in which aman of worth is required to spend above all things, his time, hislife, his blood, his best words, besides his heart, his soul, and hisbrain; things to which the women are cruelly partial, because directlytheir tongues begin to go, they say among themselves that if they havenot the whole of a man they have none of him. Be sure, also, thatthere are cats, who, knitting their eyebrows, complain that a man doesbut a hundred things for them, for the purpose of finding out if therebe a hundred, at first seeing that in everything they desire the mostthorough spirit of conquest and tyranny. And this high jurisprudencehas always flourished among the customs of Paris, where the womenreceive more wit at their baptism than in any other place in theworld, and thus are mischievous by birth. 

But our silversmith, always busy at his work, burnishing gold andmelting silver, had no time to warm his love or to burnish and makeshine his fantasies, nor to show off, gad about, waste his time inmischief, or to run after she-males. Now seeing that in Paris virginsdo not fall into the beds of young men any more than roast pheasantsinto the streets, not even when the young men are royal silversmiths, the Touranian had the advantage of having, as I have before observed, a continent member in his shirt. However, the good man could not closehis eyes to the advantage of nature with which were so amply furnishedthe ladies with whom he dilated upon the value of his jewels. So itwas that, after listening to the gentle discourse of the ladies, whotried to wheedle and to fondle him to obtain a favour from him, thegood Touranian would return to his home, dreamy as a poet, wretched asa restless cuckoo, and would say to himself, "I must take to myself awife. She would keep the house tidy, keep the plates hot for me, foldthe clothes for me, sew my buttons on, sing merrily about the house, tease me to do everything according to her taste, would say to me asthey all say to their husbands when they want a jewel, 'Oh, my ownpet, look at this, is it not pretty?' And every one in the quarterwill think of my wife and then of me, and say 'There's a happy man. 'Then the getting married, the bridal festivities, to fondle MadameSilversmith, to dress her superbly, give her a fine gold chain, toworship her from crown to toe, to give her the whole management of thehouse, except the cash, to give her a nice little room upstairs, withgood windows, pretty, and hung around with tapestry, with a wonderfulchest in it and a fine large bed, with twisted columns and curtains ofyellow silk. He would buy her beautiful mirrors, and there wouldalways be a dozen or so of children, his and hers, when he came hometo greet him. " Then wife and children would vanish into the clouds. Hetransferred his melancholy imaginings to fantastic designs, fashionedhis amorous thoughts into grotesque jewels that pleased their buyerswell, they not knowing how many wives and children were lost in theproductions of the good man, who, the more talent he threw into hisart, the more disordered he became. Now if God had not had pity uponhim, he would have quitted this world without knowing what love was, but would have known it in the other without that metamorphosis of theflesh which spares it, according to Monsieur Plato, a man of someauthority, but who, not being a Christian, was wrong. But, there!these preparatory digressions are the idle digressions and fastidiouscommentaries which certain unbelievers compel a man to wind about atale, swaddling clothes about an infant when it should run about starknaked. May the great devil give them a clyster with his red-hotthree-pronged fork. I am going on with my story now without furthercircumlocution. 

This is what happened to the silversmith in the one-and-fortieth yearof his age. One Sabbath-day while walking on the left bank of theSeine, led by an idle fancy, he ventured as far as that meadow whichhas since been called the Pre-aux-Clercs and which at that time was inthe domain of the abbey of St. Germain, and not in that of theUniversity. There, still strolling on the Touranian found himself inthe open fields, and there met a poor young girl who, seeing that hewas well-dressed, curtsied to him, saying "Heaven preserve you, monseigneur. " In saying this her voice had such sympathetic sweetnessthat the silversmith felt his soul ravished by this feminine melody, and conceived an affection for the girl, the more so as, tormentedwith ideas of marriage as he was, everything was favourable thereto. Nevertheless, as he had passed the wench by he dared not go back, because he was as timid as a young maid who would die in herpetticoats rather than raise them for her pleasure. But when he was abowshot off he bethought him that he was a man who for ten years hadbeen a master silversmith, had become a citizen, and was a man ofmark, and could look a woman in the face if his fancy so led him, themore so as his imagination had great power over him. So he turnedsuddenly back, as if he had changed the direction of his stroll, andcame upon the girl, who held by an old cord her poor cow, who wasmunching grass that had grown on the border of a ditch at the side ofthe road. 

"Ah, my pretty one, " said he, "you are not overburdened with the goodsof this world that you thus work with your hands upon the Lord's Day. Are you not afraid of being cast into prison?"

"Monseigneur, " replied the maid, casting down her eyes, "I havenothing to fear, because I belong to the abbey. The Lord Abbot hasgiven me leave to exercise the cow after vespers. "

"You love your cow, then, more than the salvation of your soul?"

"Ah, monseigneur, our beast is almost the half of our poor lives. "

"I am astonished, my girl, to see you poor and in rags, clothed like afagot, running barefoot about the fields on the Sabbath, when youcarry about you more treasures than you could dig up in the grounds ofthe abbey. Do not the townspeople pursue, and torment you with love?"

"Oh, never monseigneur. I belong to the abbey", replied she, showingthe jeweller a collar on her left arm like those that the beasts ofthe field have, but without the little bell, and at the same timecasting such a deplorable glance at our townsman that he was strickenquite sad, for by the eyes are communicated contagions of the heartwhen they are strong. 

"And what does this mean?" he said, wishing to hear all about it. 

And he touched the collar, upon which was engraved the arms of theabbey very distinctly, but which he did not wish to see. 

"Monseigneur, I am the daughter of an homme de corps; thus whoeverunites himself to me by marriage, will become a bondsman, even if hewere a citizen of Paris, and would belong body and goods to the abbey. If he loved me otherwise, his children would still belong to thedomain. For this reason I am neglected by everyone, abandoned like apoor beast of the field. But what makes me most unhappy is, thataccording to the pleasure of monseigneur the abbot, I shall be coupledat some time with a bondsman. And if I were less ugly than I am, atthe sight of my collar the most amorous would flee from me as from theblack plague. "

So saying, she pulled her cow by the cord to make it follow her. 

"And how old are you?" asked the silversmith. 

"I do not know, monseigneur; but our master, the abbot, has keptaccount. "

This great misery touched the heart of the good man, who had in hisday eaten the bread of sorrow. He regulated his pace to the girl's, and they went together towards the water in painful silence. The goodman gazed at the fine forehead, the round red arms, the queen's waist, the feet dusty, but made like those of a Virgin Mary; and the sweetphysiognomy of this girl, who was the living image of St. Genevieve, the patroness of Paris, and the maidens who live in the fields. Andmake sure that this Joseph suspected the pretty white of this sweetgirl's breasts, which were by a modest grace carefully covered with anold rag, and looked at them as a schoolboy looks at a rosy apple on ahot day. Also, may you depend upon it that these little hillocks ofnature denoted a wench fashioned with delicious perfection, likeeverything that the monks possess. Now, the more it was forbidden oursilversmith to touch them, the more his mouth watered for these fruitsof love. And his heart leaped almost into his mouth. 

"You have a fine cow, " said he. 

"Would you like a little milk?" replied she. "It is so warm theseearly days of May. You are far from the town. "

In truth, the sky was a cloudless blue, and glared like a forge. Everything was radiant with youth, the leaves, the air, the girls, thelads; everything was burning, was green, and smelt like balm. Thisnaive offer, made without the hope of recompense, though a byzantwould not have paid for the special grace of this speech; and themodesty of the gesture with which the poor girl turned to him gainedthe heart of the jeweller, who would have liked to be able to put thisbondswoman into the skin of a queen, and Paris at her feet. 

"Nay, my child, I thirst not for milk, but for you, whom I would haveleave to liberate. "

"That cannot be, and I shall die the property of the abbey. For yearswe have lived so, from father to son, from mother to daughter. Like myancestors, I shall pass my days on this land, as will also mychildren, because the abbot cannot legally let us go. "

"What!" said the Touranian; "has no gallant been tempted by yourbright eyes to buy your liberty, as I bought mine from the king?"

"It would cost too dear; thus it is those whom at first sight Iplease, go as they came. "

"And you have never thought of gaining another country in company of alover on horseback on a fleet courser?"

"Oh yes. But, monseigneur, if I were caught I should be hanged atleast; and my gallant, even were he a lord, would lose more than onedomain over it, besides other things. I am not worth so much; besides, the abbey has arms longer than my feet are swift. So I live on inperfect obedience to God, who has placed me in this plight. "

"What is your father?"

"He tends the vines in the gardens of the abbey. "

"And your mother?"

"She is a washerwoman. "

"And what is your name?"

"I have no name, dear sir. My father was baptised Etienne, my motheris Etienne, and I am Tiennette, at your service. "

"Sweetheart, " said the jeweller, "never has woman pleased me as youplease me; and I believe that your heart contains a wealth ofgoodness. Now, since you offered yourself to my eyes at the momentwhen I was firmly deliberating upon taking a companion, I believe thatI see in you a sign from heaven! And if I am not displeasing to you, Ibeg you to accept me as your friend. "

Immediately the maid lowered her eyes. These words were uttered insuch a way, in so grave a tone, so penetrating a manner, that the saidTiennette burst into tears. 

"No, monseigneur, I should be the cause of a thousandunpleasantnesses, and of your misfortune. For a poor bondsmaid, theconversation has gone far enough. "

"Ho!" cried Anseau; "you do not know, my child, the man you aredealing with. "

The Touranian crossed himself, joined his hands, and said--

"I make a vow to Monsieur the Saint Eloi, under whose invocation arethe silversmiths, to fashion two images of pure silver, with the bestworkmanship I am able to perform. One shall be a statue of Madame theVirgin, to this end, to thank her for the liberty of my dear wife; andthe other for my said patron, if I am successful in my undertaking toliberate the bondswoman Tiennette here present, and for which I relyupon his assistance. Moreover, I swear by my eternal salvation, topersevere with courage in this affair, to spend therein all I process, and only to quit it with my life. God has heard me, " said he. "Andyou, little one, " he added, turning towards the maid. 

"Ha! monseigneur, look! My cow is running about the fields, " criedshe, sobbing at the good man's knees. "I will love you all my life;but withdraw your vow. "

"Let us to look after the cow, " said the silversmith, raising her, without daring yet to kiss her, although the maid was well disposed toit. 

"Yes, " said she, "for I shall be beaten. "

And behold now the silversmith, scampering after the cursed cow, whogave no heed to their amours; she was taken by the horns, and held inthe grip of the Touranian, who for a trifle would have thrown her inthe air, like a straw. 

"Adieu, my sweet one! If you go into the town, come to my house, overagainst St Leu's Church. I am called Master Anseau, and am silversmithto the King of France, at the sign of St. Eloi. Make me a promise tobe in this field the next Lord's-Day; fail not to come, even should itrain halberds. "

"Yes, dear Sir. For this I would leap the walls, and, in gratitude, would I be yours without mischief, and cause you no sorrow, at theprice of my everlasting future. Awaiting the happy moment, I will prayGod for you with all my heart. "

And then she remained standing like a stone saint, moving not, untilshe could see the good citizen no longer, and he went away withlagging steps, turning from time to time further to gaze upon her. Andwhen he was far off, and out of her sight, she stayed on, untilnightfall, lost in meditation, knowing not if she had dreamed thatwhich had happened to her. Then she went back to the house, where shewas beaten for staying out, but felt not the blows. The goodsilversmith could neither eat nor drink, but closed his workshop, possessed of this girl, thinking of nothing but this girl, seeingeverywhere the girl; everything to him being to possess this girl. Nowwhen the morrow was come, he went with great apprehension towards theabbey to speak to the lord abbot. On the road, however, he suddenlythought of putting himself under the protection of one of the king'speople, and with this idea returned to the court, which was then heldin the town. Being esteemed by all for his prudence, and loved for hislittle works and kindnesses, the king's chamberlain--for whom he hadonce made, for a present to a lady of the court, a golden casket setwith precious stones and unique of its kind--promised him assistance, had a horse saddled for himself, and a hack for the silversmith, withwhom he set out for the abbey, and asked to see the abbot, who wasMonseigneur Hugon de Sennecterre, aged ninety-three. Being come intothe room with the silversmith, waiting nervously to receive hissentence, the chamberlain begged the abbot to sell him in advance athing which was easy for him to sell, and which would be pleasant tohim. 

To which the abbot replied, looking at the chamberlain--

"That the canons inhibited and forbade him thus to engage his word. "

"Behold, my dear father, " said the chamberlain, "the jeweller of theCourt who has conceived a great love for a bondswoman belonging toyour abbey, and I request you, in consideration of my obliging you inany such desire as you may wish to see accomplished, to emancipatethis maid. "

"Which is she?" asked the abbot of the citizen. 

"Her name is Tiennette, " answered the silversmith, timidly. 

"Ho! ho!" said the good old Hugon, smiling. "The angler has caught usa good fish! This is a grave business, and I know not how to decide bymyself. "

"I know, my father, what those words mean, " said that chamberlain, knitting his brows. 

"Fine sir, " said the abbot, "know you what this maid is worth?"

The abbot ordered Tiennette to be fetched, telling his clerk to dressher in her finest clothes, and to make her look as nice as possible. 

"Your love is in danger, " said that chamberlain to the silversmith, pulling him on one side. "Dismiss this fantasy. You can meet anywhere, even at Court, with women of wealth, young and pretty, who wouldwillingly marry you. For this, if need be, the king would assist youby giving you some title, which in course of time would enable you tofound a good family. Are you sufficiently well furnished with crownsto become the founder of a noble line?"

"I know not, monseigneur, " replied Anseau. "I have put money by. "

"Then see if you cannot buy the manumission of this maid. I know themonks. With them money does everything. "

"Monseigneur, " said the silversmith to the abbot, coming towards him, "you have the charge and office representing here below the goodnessof God, who is often clement towards us, and has infinite treasures ofmercy for our sorrows. Now, I will remember you each evening and eachmorning in my prayers, and never forget that I received my happinessat your hands, if you aid me to gain this maid in lawful wedlock, without keeping in servitude the children born of this union. And forthis I will make you a receptacle for the Holy Eucharist, soelaborate, so rich with gold, precious stones and winged angels, thatno other shall be like it in all Christendom. It shall remain unique, it shall dazzle your eyesight, and shall be so far the glory of youraltar, that the people of the towns and foreign nobles shall rush toit, so magnificent shall it be. "

"My son, " replied the abbot "have you lost your senses? If you are soresolved to have this wench for a legal wife, your goods and yourperson belong to the Chapter of the abbey. "

"Yes, monseigneur, I am passionately in love with this girl, and moretouched with her misery and her Christian heart than even with herperfections; but I am, " said he, with tears in his eyes, "still moreastonished at your harshness, and I say it although I know that myfate is in your hands. Yes, monseigneur, I know the law; and if mygoods fall to your domain, if I become a bondsman, if I lose my houseand my citizenship, I will still keep that engine, gained by mylabours and my studies, on which lies there, " cried he, striking hisforehead "in a place of which no one, save God, can be lord butmyself. And your whole abbey could not pay for the special creationswhich proceed therefrom. You may have my body, my wife, my children, but nothing shall get you my engine; nay, not even torture, seeingthat I am stronger than iron is hard, and more patient than sorrow isgreat. "

So saying, the silversmith, enraged by the calmness of the abbot, whoseemed resolved to acquire for the abbey the good man's doubloons, brought down his fist upon an oaken chair and shivered it intofragments, for it split as under the blow of a mace. 

"Behold, monseigneur, what kind of servant you will have, and of anartificer of things divine you will make a mere cart-horse. "

"My son, " replied the abbot, "you have wrongfully broken my chair, andlightly judged my mind. This wench belongs to the abbey and not to me. I am the faithful servant of the rights and customs of this gloriousmonastery; although I might grant this woman license to bear freechildren, I am responsible for this to God and to the abbey. Now, since there was here an altar, bondsmen and monks, _id est_, from timeimmemorial, there has never occurred the case of a citizen becomingthe property of the abbey by marriage with a bondswoman. Now, therefore, is there need to exercise the right, and to make use of itso that it would not be lost, weakened, worn out, or fallen intodisuse, which would occasion a thousand difficulties. And this is ofhigher advantage to the State and to the abbey than your stones, however beautiful they be, seeing that we have treasure wherewith tobuy rare jewels, and that no treasure can establish customs and laws. I call upon the king's chamberlain to bear witness to the infinitepains which his majesty takes every day to fight for the establishmentof his orders. "

"That is to close my mouth, " said the chamberlain. 

The silversmith, who was not a great scholar, remained thoughtful. Then came Tiennette, clean as a new pin, her hair raised up, dressedin a robe of white wool with a blue sash, with tiny shoes and whitestockings; in fact, so royally beautiful, so noble in her bearing wasshe, that the silversmith was petrified with ecstasy, and thechamberlain confessed he had never seen so perfect a creature. Thinking there was too much danger in this sight for the poorjeweller, he led him into the town, and begged him to think no furtherof the affair, since the abbey was not likely to liberate so good abait for the citizens and nobles of the Parisian stream. In fact, theChapter let the poor lover know that if he married this girl he mustresolve to yield up his goods and his house to the abbey, considerhimself a bondsman, both he and the children of the aforesaidmarriage; although, by a special grace, the abbey would let him hishouse on the condition of his giving an inventory of his furniture andpaying a yearly rent, and coming during eight days to live in a shedadjoining the domain, thus performing an act of service. Thesilversmith, to whom everyone spoke of the cupidity of the monks, sawclearly that the abbot would incommutably maintain this order, and hissoul was filled with despair. At one time he determined to burn downthe monastery; at another, he proposed to lure the abbot into a placewhere he could torment him until he had signed a charter forTiennette's liberation; in fact a thousand ideas possessed his brain, and as quickly evaporated. But after much lamentation he determined tocarry off the girl, and fly with her into her a sure place from whichnothing could draw him, and made his preparations accordingly; foronce out of the kingdom, his friends or the king could better tacklethe monks and bring them to reason. The good man counted, however, without his abbot, for going to the meadows, he found Tiennette nomore there, and learned that she was confined in the abbey, and withmuch rigour, that to get at her it would be necessary to lay siege tothe monastery. Then Master Anseau passed his time in tears, complaints, and lamentations; and all the city, the townspeople, andhousewives, talked of his adventure, the noise of which was so great, that the king sent for the old abbot to court, and demanded of him whyhe did not yield under the circumstances to the great love of thesilversmith, and why he did not put into practice Christian charity. 

"Because, monseigneur, " replied the priest, "all rights are knittogether like the pieces of a coat of mail, and if one makes default, all fail. If this girl was taken from us against our wish, and if thecustom were not observed, your subjects would soon take off yourcrown, and raise up in various places violence and sedition, in orderto abolish the taxes and imposts that weigh upon the populace. "

The king's mouth was closed. Everyone was eager to know the end ofthis adventure. So great was the curiosity that certain lords wageredthat the Touranian would desist from his love, and the ladies wageredto the contrary. The silversmith having complained to the queen thatthe monks had hidden his well-beloved from his sight, she found thedeed detestable and horrible; and in consequence of her commands tothe lord abbot it was permitted to the Touranian to go every day intothe parlour of the abbey, where came Tiennette, but under the controlof an old monk, and she always came attired in great splendour like alady. The two lovers had no other license than to see each other, andto speak to each other, without being able to snatch the smallest atomof pleasure, and always grew their love more powerful. 

One day Tiennette discoursed thus with her lover--"My dear lord, Ihave determined to make you a gift of my life, in order to relieveyour suffering, and in this wise; in informing myself concerningeverything I have found a means to set aside the rights of the abbey, and to give you all the joy you hope for from my fruition. "

"The ecclesiastical judge has ruled that as you become a bondsman onlyby accession, and because you were not born a bondsman, your servitudewill cease with the cause that makes you a serf. Now, if you love memore than all else, lose your goods to purchase our happiness, andespouse me. Then when you have had your will of me, when you havehugged me and embraced me to your heart's content, before I haveoffspring will I voluntarily kill myself, and thus you become freeagain; at least you will have the king on your side, who, it is said, wishes you well. And without doubt, God will pardon me that I cause myown death, in order to deliver my lord spouse. "

"My dear Tiennette, " cried the jeweller, "it is finished--I will be abondsman, and thou wilt live to make my happiness as long as my days. In thy company, the hardest chains will weigh but lightly, and littleshall I reck the want of gold, when all my riches are in thy heart, and my only pleasure in thy sweet body. I place myself in the hands ofSt. Eloi, will deign in this misery to look upon us with pitying eyes, and guard us from all evils. Now I shall go hence to a scrivener tohave the deeds and contracts drawn up. At least, dear flower of mydays, thou shalt be gorgeously attired, well housed, and served like aqueen during thy lifetime, since the lord abbot leaves me the earningsof my profession. "

Tiennette, crying and laughing, tried to put off her good fortune andwished to die, rather than reduce to slavery a free man; but the goodAnseau whispered such soft words to her, and threatened so firmly tofollow her to the tomb, that she agreed to the said marriage, thinkingthat she could always free herself after having tasted the pleasuresof love. 

When the submission of the Touranian became known in the town, andthat for his sweetheart he yielded up his wealth and his liberty, everyone wished to see him. The ladies of the court encumberedthemselves with jewels, in order to speak with him, and there fellupon him as from the clouds women enough to make up for the time hehad been without them; but if any of them approached Tiennette inbeauty, none had her heart. To be brief, when the hour of slavery andlove was at hand, Anseau remolded all of his gold into a royal crown, in which he fixed all his pearls and diamonds, and went secretly tothe queen, and gave it to her, saying, "Madame, I know not how todispose of my fortune, which you here behold. Tomorrow everything thatis found in my house will be the property of the cursed monks, whohave had no pity on me. Then deign, madame, to accept this. It is aslight return for the joy which, through you, I have experienced inseeing her I love; for no sum of money is worth one of her glances. Ido not know what will become of me, but if one day my children aredelivered, I rely upon your queenly generosity. "

"Well said, good man, " cried the king. "The abbey will one day need myaid and I will not lose the remembrance of this. "

There was a vast crowd at the abbey for the nuptials of Tiennette, towhom the queen presented the bridal dress, and to whom the kinggranted a licence to wear every day golden rings in her ears. When thecharming pair came from the abbey to the house of Anseau (now serf)over against St. Leu, there were torches at the windows to see thempass, and a double line in the streets, as though it were a royalentry. The poor husband had made himself a collar of gold, which hewore on his left arm in token of his belonging to the abbey of St. Germain. But in spite of his servitude the people cried out, "Noel!Noel!" as to a new crowned king. And the good man bowed to themgracefully, happy as a lover, and joyful at the homage which every onerendered to the grace and modesty of Tiennette. Then the goodTouranian found green boughs and violets in crowns in his honour; andthe principal inhabitants of the quarter were all there, who as agreat honour, played music to him, and cried to him, "You will alwaysbe a noble man in spite of the abbey. " You may be sure that the happypair indulged an amorous conflict to their hearts' content; that thegood man's blows were vigorous; and that his sweetheart, like a goodcountry maiden, was of a nature to return them. Thus they livedtogether a whole month, happy as the doves, who in springtime buildtheir nest twig by twig. Tiennette was delighted with the beautifulhouse and the customers, who came and went away astonished at her. This month of flowers past, there came one day, with great pomp, thegood old Abbot Hugon, their lord and master, who entered the house, which then belonged not the jeweller but to the Chapter, and said tothe two spouses:--

"My children, you are released, free and quit of everything; and Ishould tell you that from the first I was much struck with the lovewhich united you one to the other. The rights of the abbey oncerecognised, I was, so far as I was concerned, determined to restoreyou to perfect enjoyment, after having proved your loyalty by the testof God. And this manumission will cost you nothing. " Having thus said, he gave them each a little tap with his hand on the cheek. And theyfell about his knees weeping tears of joy for such good reasons. TheTouranian informed the people of the neighbourhood, who picked up inthe street the largesse, and received the predictions of the goodAbbott Hugon. 

Then it was with great honour, Master Anseau held the reins of hismule, so far as the gate of Bussy. During the journey the jeweller, who had taken a bag of silver, threw the pieces to the poor andsuffering, crying, "Largesse, largesse to God! God save and guard theabbot! Long live the good Lord Hugon!" And returning to his house heregaled his friends, and had fresh wedding festivities, which lasted afortnight. You can imagine that the abbot was reproached by theChapter, for his clemency in opening the door for such good prey toescape, so that when a year after the good man Hugon fell ill, hisprior told him that it was a punishment from Heaven because he hadneglected the sacred interests of the Chapter and of God. 

"If I have judged that man aright, " said the abbot, "he will notforget what he owes us. "

In fact, this day happening by chance to be the anniversary of themarriage, a monk came to announce that the silversmith supplicated hisbenefactor to receive him. Soon he entered the room where the abbotwas, and spread out before him two marvellous shrines, which sincethat time no workman has surpassed, in any portion of the Christianworld, and which were named "Vow of a Steadfast Love. " These twotreasures are, as everyone knows, placed on the principal altar of thechurch, and are esteemed as an inestimable work, for the silversmithhad spent therein all his wealth. Nevertheless, this wealth, far fromemptying his purse, filled it full to overflowing, because so rapidlyincreased his fame and his fortune that he was able to buy a patent ofnobility and lands, and he founded the house of Anseau, which hassince been held in great honour in fair Touraine. 

This teaches us to have always recourse to God and the saints in allthe undertakings of life, to be steadfast in all things, and, aboveall, that a great love triumphs over everything, which is an oldsentence; but the author has rewritten it because it is a mostpleasant one. 

 CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS

In the good town of Bourges, at the time when that lord the kingdisported himself there, who afterwards abandoned his search afterpleasure to conquer the kingdom, and did indeed conquer it, livedthere a provost, entrusted by him with the maintenance of order, andcalled the provost-royal. From which came, under the glorious son ofthe said king, the office of provost of the hotel, in which behavedrather harshly my lord Tristan of Mere, of whom these tales oft makemention, although he was by no means a merry fellow. I give thisinformation to the friends who pilfer from old manuscripts tomanufacture new ones, and I show thereby how learned these Talesreally are, without appearing to be so. Very well, then, this provostwas named Picot or Picault, of which some made picotin, picoter, andpicoree; by some Pitot or Pitaut, from which comes _pitance_; byothers in Languedoc, Pichot from which comes nothing comes worthknowing; by these Petiot or Petiet; by those Petitot and Petinault, orPetiniaud, which was the masonic appellation; but at Bourges he wascalled Petit, a name which was eventually adopted by the family, whichhas multiplied exceedingly, for everywhere you find "_des Petits_, "and so he will be called Petit in this narrative. I have given thisetymology in order to throw a light on our language, and show how ourcitizens have finished by acquiring names. But enough of science. 

This said provost, who had as many names as there were provinces intowhich the court went, was in reality a little bit of a man, whosemother had given him so strange a hide, that when he wanted to laughhe used to stretch his cheeks like a cow making water, and this smileat court was called the provost's smile. One day the king, hearingthis proverbial expression used by certain lords, said jokingly--

"You are in error, gentlemen, Petit does not laugh, he's short of skinbelow the mouth. "

But with his forced laugh Petit was all the more suited to hisoccupation of watching and catching evil-doers. In fact, he was worthwhat he cost. For all malice, he was a bit of a cuckold, for all vice, he went to vespers, for all wisdom he obeyed God, when it wasconvenient; for all joy he had a wife in his house; and for all changein his joy he looked for a man to hang, and when he was asked to findone he never failed to meet him; but when he was between the sheets henever troubled himself about thieves. Can you find in all Christendoma more virtuous provost? No! All provosts hang too little, or toomuch, while this one just hanged as much as was necessary to be aprovost. 

This good fellow had for his wife in legitimate marriage, and much tothe astonishment of everyone, the prettiest little woman in Bourges. So it was that often, while on his road to the execution, he would askGod the same question as several others in the town did--namely, whyhe, Petit, he the sheriff, he the provost royal, had to himself, Petit, provost royal and sheriff, a wife so exquisitely shapely, saiddowered with charms, that a donkey seeing her pass by would bray withdelight. To this God vouchsafed no reply, and doubtless had hisreasons. But the slanderous tongues of the town replied for him, thatthe young lady was by no means a maiden when she became the wife ofPetit. Others said she did not keep her affections solely for him. Thewags answered, that donkeys often get into fine stables. Everyone hadtaunts ready which would have made a nice little collection had anyonegathered them together. From them, however, it is necessary to takenearly four-fourths, seeing that Petit's wife was a virtuous woman, who had a lover for pleasure and a husband for duty. How many werethere in the town as careful of their hearts and mouths? If you canpoint out one to me, I'll give you a kick or a half-penny, whicheveryou like. You will find some who have neither husband nor lover. Certain females have a lover and no husband. Ugly women have a husbandand no lover. But to meet with a woman who, having one husband and onelover, keeps to the deuce without trying for the trey, there is themiracle, you see, you greenhorns, blockheads, and dolts! Now then, putthe true character of this virtuous woman on the tablets of yourmemory, go your ways, and let me go mine. 

The good Madame Petit was not one of those ladies who are always onthe move, running hither and thither, can't keep still a moment, buttrot about, worrying, hurrying, chattering, and clattering, and hadnothing in them to keep them steady, but are so light that they runafter a gastric zephyr as after their quintessence. No; on thecontrary, she was a good housewife, always sitting in her chair orsleeping in her bed, ready as a candlestick, waiting for her loverwhen her husband went out, receiving the husband when the lover hadgone. This dear woman never thought of dressing herself only to annoyand make other wives jealous. Pish! She had found a better use for themerry time of youth, and put life into her joints in order to make thebest use of it. Now you know the provost and his good wife. 

The provost's lieutenant in duties matrimonial, duties which are soheavy that it takes two men to execute them, was a noble lord, alandowner, who disliked the king exceedingly. You must bear this inmind, because it is one of the principal points of the story. TheConstable, who was a thorough Scotch gentleman, had seen by chancePetit's wife, and wished to have a little conversation with hercomfortably, towards the morning, just the time to tell his beads, which was Christianly honest, or honestly Christian, in order to arguewith her concerning the things of science or the science of things. Thinking herself quite learned enough, Madame Petit, who was, as hasbeen stated, a virtuous, wise, and honest wife, refused to listen tothe said constable. After certain arguments, reasonings, tricks andmessages, which were of no avail, he swore by his great black_coquedouille_ that he would rip up the gallant although he was a manof mark. But he swore nothing about the lady. This denotes a goodFrenchman, for in such a dilemma there are certain offended personswho would upset the whole business of three persons by killing four. The constable wagered his big black _coquedouille_ before the king andthe lady of Sorel, who were playing cards before supper; and hismajesty was well pleased, because he would be relieved of this noble, that displeased him, and that without costing him a Thank You. 

"And how will you manage the affair?" said Madame de Sorel to him, with a smile. 

"Oh, oh!" replied the constable. "You may be sure, madame, I do notwish to lose my big black coquedouille. "

"What was, then, this great coquedouille?"

"Ha, ha! This point is shrouded in darkness to a degree that wouldmake you ruin your eyes in ancient books; but it was certainlysomething of great importance. Nevertheless, let us put on ourspectacles, and search it out. _Douille_ signifies in Brittany, agirl, and _coque_ means a cook's frying pan. From this word has comeinto France that of _coquin_--a knave who eats, licks, laps, sucks, and fritters his money away, and gets into stews; is always in hotwater, and eats up everything, leads an idle life, and doing this, becomes wicked, becomes poor, and that incites him to steal or beg. From this it may be concluded by the learned that the greatcoquedouille was a household utensil in the shape of a kettle used forcooking things. "

"Well, " continued the constable, who was the Sieur of Richmond, "Iwill have the husband ordered to go into the country for a day and anight, to arrest certain peasants suspected of plotting treacherouslywith the English. Thereupon my two pigeons, believing their manabsent, will be as merry as soldiers off duty; and, if a certain thingtakes place, I will let loose the provost, sending him, in the king'sname, to search the house where the couple will be, in order that hemay slay our friend, who pretends to have this good cordelier all tohimself. "

"What does this mean?" said the Lady of Beaute. 

"Friar . . . Fryer . . . An _equivoque_, " answered the king, smiling. 

"Come to supper, " said Madame Agnes. "You are bad men, who with oneword insult both the citizens' wives and a holy order. "

Now, for a long time, Madame Petit had longed to have a night ofliberty, during which she might visit the house of the said noble, where she could make as much noise as she liked, without waking theneighbours, because at the provost's house she was afraid of beingoverheard, and had to content herself well with the pilferings oflove, little tastes, and nibbles, daring at the most only to trot, while what she desired was a smart gallop. On the morrow, therefore, the lady's-maid went off about midday to the young lord's house, andtold the lover--from whom she received many presents, and therefore inno way disliked him--that he might make his preparations for pleasure, and for supper, for that he might rely upon the provost's better halfbeing with him in the evening both hungry and thirsty. 

"Good!" said he. "Tell your mistress I will not stint her in anythingshe desires. "

The pages of the cunning constable, who were watching the house, seeing the gallant prepare for his gallantries, and set out theflagons and the meats, went and informed their master that everythinghad happened as he wished. Hearing this, the good constable rubbed hishands thinking how nicely the provost would catch the pair. Heinstantly sent word to him, that by the king's express commands he wasto return to town, in order that he might seize at the said lord'shouse an English nobleman, with whom he was vehemently suspected to bearranging a plot of diabolical darkness. But before he put this orderinto execution, he was to come to the king's hotel, in order that hemight understand the courtesy to be exercised in this case. Theprovost, joyous at the chance of speaking to the king, used suchdiligence that he was in town just at that time when the two loverswere singing the first note of their evening hymn. The lord ofcuckoldom and its surrounding lands, who is a strange lord, managedthings so well, that madame was only conversing with her lord lover atthe time that her lord spouse was talking to the constable and theking; at which he was pleased, and so was his wife--a case of concordrare in matrimony. 

"I was saying to monseigneur, " said the constable to the provost, ashe entered the king's apartment, "that every man in the kingdom has aright to kill his wife and her lover if he finds them in an act ofinfidelity. But his majesty, who is clement, argues that he has only aright to kill the man, and not the woman. Now what would you do, Mr. Provost, if by chance you found a gentleman taking a stroll in thatfair meadow of which laws, human and divine, enjoin you alone tocultivate the verdure?"

"I would kill everything, " said the provost; "I would scrunch the fivehundred thousand devils of nature, flower and seed, and send themflying, the pips and apples, the grass and the meadow, the woman andthe man. "

"You would be in the wrong, " said the king. "That is contrary to thelaws of the Church and of the State; of the State, because you mightdeprive me of a subject; of the Church, because you would be sendingan innocent to limbo unshriven. "

"Sire, I admire your profound wisdom, and I clearly perceive you to bethe centre of all justice. "

"We can then only kill the knight--Amen, " said constable, "Kill thehorseman. Now go quickly to the house of the suspected lord, butwithout letting yourself be bamboozled, do not forget what is due tohis position. "

The provost, believing he would certainly be Chancellor of France ifhe properly acquitted himself of the task, went from the castle intothe town, took his men, arrived at the nobleman's residence, arrangedhis people outside, placed guards at all the doors, opened noiselesslyby order of the king, climbs the stairs, asks the servants in whichroom their master is, puts them under arrest, goes up alone, andknocks at the door of the room where the two lovers are tilting inlove's tournament, and says to them--

"Open, in the name of our lord the king!"

The lady recognised her husband's voice, and could not repress asmile, thinking that she had not waited for the king's orders to dowhat she had done. But after laughter came terror. Her lover took hiscloak, threw it over him, and came to the door. There, not knowingthat his life was in peril, he declared that he belonged to the courtand to the king's household. 

"Bah!" said the provost. "I have a strict order from the king; andunder pain of being treated as a rebel, you are bound instantly toreceive me. "

Then the lord went out to him, still holding the door. 

"What do you want here?"

"An enemy of our lord the king, whom we command you to deliver intoour hands, otherwise you must follow me with him to the castle. "

This, thought the lover, is a piece of treachery on the part of theconstable, whose proposition my dear mistress treated with scorn. Wemust get out of this scrape in some way. Then turning towards theprovost, he went double or quits on the risk, reasoning thus with thecuckold:--

"My friend, you know that I consider you but as gallant a man as it ispossible for a provost to be in the discharge of his duty. Now, can Ihave confidence in you? I have here with me the fairest lady of thecourt. As for Englishmen, I have not sufficient of one to make thebreakfast of the constable, M. De Richmond, who sends you here. Thisis (to be candid with you) the result of a bet made between myself andthe constable, who shares it with the King. Both have wagered thatthey know who is the lady of my heart; and I have wagered to thecontrary. No one more than myself hates the English, who took myestates in Piccadilly. Is it not a knavish trick to put justice inmotion against me? Ho! Ho! my lord constable, a chamberlain is worthtwo of you, and I will beat you yet. My dear Petit, I give youpermission to search by night and by day, every nook and cranny of myhouse. But come in here alone, search my room, turn the bed over, dowhat you like. Only allow me to cover with a cloth or a handkerchiefthis fair lady, who is at present in the costume of an archangel, inorder that you may not know to what husband she belongs. "

"Willingly, " said the provost. "But I am an old bird, not easilycaught with chaff, and would like to be sure that it is really a ladyof the court, and not an Englishman, for these English have flesh aswhite and soft as women, and I know it well, because I've hanged somany of them. "

"Well then, " said the lord, "seeing of what crime I am suspected, fromwhich I am bound to free myself, I will go and ask my lady-love toconsent for a moment to abandon her modesty. She is too fond of me torefuse to save me from reproach. I will beg her to turn herself overand show you a physiognomy, which will in no way compromise her, andwill be sufficient to enable you to recognise a noble woman, althoughshe will be in a sense upside down. "

"All right, " said the provost. 

The lady having heard every word, had folded up all her clothes, andput them under the bolster, had taken off her chemise, that herhusband should not recognise it, had twisted her head up in a sheet, and had brought to light the carnal convexities which commenced whereher spine finished. 

"Come in, my friend, " said the lord. 

The provost looked up the chimney, opened the cupboard, the clothes'chest, felt under the bed, in the sheets, and everywhere. Then hebegan to study what was on the bed. 

"My lord, " said he, regarding his legitimate appurtenances, "I haveseen young English lads with backs like that. You must forgive medoing my duty, but I must see otherwise. "

"What do you call otherwise?" said the lord. 

"Well, the other physiognomy, or, if you prefer it, the physiognomy ofthe other. "

"Then you will allow madame to cover herself and arrange only to showyou sufficient to convince you, " said the lover, knowing that the ladyhad a mark or two easy to recognise. "Turn your back a moment, so thatmy dear lady may satisfy propriety. "

The wife smiled at her lover, kissed him for his dexterity, arrangingherself cunningly; and the husband seeing in full that which the jadehad never let him see before, was quite convinced that no Englishperson could be thus fashioned without being a charming Englishwoman. 

"Yes, my lord, " he whispered in the ear of his lieutenant, "this iscertainly a lady of the court, because the towns-women are neither sowell formed nor so charming. "

Then the house being thoroughly searched, and no Englishman found, theprovost returned, as the constable had told him, to the king'sresidence. 

"Is he slain?" said the constable. 

"Who?"

"He who grafted horns upon your forehead. "

"I only saw a lady in his couch, who seemed to be greatly enjoyingherself with him. "

"You, with your own eyes, saw this woman, cursed cuckold, and you didnot kill your rival?"

"It was not a common woman, but a lady of the court. "

"You saw her?"

"And verified her in both cases. "

"What do you mean by those words?" cried the king, who was burstingwith laughter. 

"I say, with all the respect due to your Majesty, that I have verifiedthe over and the under. "

"You do not, then, know the physiognomies of your own wife, you oldfool without memory! You deserve to be hanged. "

"I hold those features of my wife in too great respect to gaze uponthem. Besides she is so modest that she would die rather than exposean atom of her body. "

"True, " said the king; "it was not made to be shown. "

"Old coquedouille! that was your wife, " said the constable. 

"My lord constable, she is asleep, poor girl!"

"Quick, quick, then! To horse! Let us be off, and if she be in yourhouse I'll forgive you. "

Then the constable, followed by the provost, went to the latter'shouse in less time than it would have taken a beggar to empty thepoor-box. 

"Hullo! there, hi!"

Hearing the noise made by the men, which threatened to bring the wallsabout their ears, the maid-servant opened the door, yawning andstretching her arms. The constable and the provost rushed into theroom, where, with great difficulty, they succeeded in waking the lady, who pretended to be terrified, and was so soundly asleep that her eyeswere full of gum. At this the provost was in great glee, saying to theconstable that someone had certainly deceived him, that his wife was avirtuous woman, and was more astonished than any of them at theseproceedings. The constable turned on his heel and departed. The goodprovost began directly to undress to get to bed early, since thisadventure had brought his good wife to his memory. When he washarnessing himself, and was knocking off his nether garments, madame, still astonished, said to him--

"Oh, my dear husband, what is the meaning of all this uproar--thisconstable and his pages, and why did he come to see if I was asleep?Is it to be henceforward part of a constable's duty to look afterour . . . "

"I do not know, " said the provost, interrupting her, to tell her whathad happened to him. 

"And you saw without my permission a lady of the court! Ha! ha! heu!heu! hein!"

Then she began to moan, to weep, and to cry in such a deplorablemanner and so loudly, that her lord was quite aghast. 

"What's the matter, my darling? What is it? What do you want?"

"Ah! You won't love me any more are after seeing how beautiful courtladies are!"

"Nonsense, my child! They are great ladies. I don't mind telling youin confidence; they are great ladies in every respect. "

"Well, " said she, "am I nicer?"

"Ah, " said he, "in a great measure. Yes!"

"They have, then, great happiness, " said she, sighing, "when I have somuch with so little beauty. "

Thereupon the provost tried a better argument to argue with his goodwife, and argued so well that she finished by allowing herself to beconvinced that Heaven has ordained that much pleasure may be obtainedfrom small things. 

This shows us that nothing here below can prevail against the Churchof Cuckolds. 

 ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY

One day that it was drizzling with rain--a time when the ladies remaingleefully at home, because they love the damp, and can have at theirapron strings the men who are not disagreeable to them--the queen wasin her chamber, at the castle of Amboise, against the window curtains. There, seated in her chair, she was working at a piece of tapestry toamuse herself, but was using her needle heedlessly, watching the rainfall into the Loire, and was lost in thought, where her ladies werefollowing her example. The king was arguing with those of his courtwho had accompanied him from the chapel--for it was a question ofreturning to dominical vespers. His arguments, statements, andreasonings finished, he looked at the queen, saw that she wasmelancholy, saw that the ladies were melancholy also, and noted thefact that they were all acquainted with the mysteries of matrimony. 

"Did I not see the Abbot of Turpenay here just now?" said he. 

Hearing these words, there advanced towards the king the monk, who, byhis constant petitions, rendered himself so obnoxious to Louis theEleventh, that that monarch seriously commanded his provost-royal toremove him from his sight; and it has been related in the first volumeof these Tales, how the monk was saved through the mistake of SieurTristan. The monk was at this time a man whose qualities had grownrapidly, so much so that his wit had communicated a jovial hue to hisface. He was a great favourite with the ladies, who crammed him withwine, confectioneries, and dainty dishes at the dinners, suppers, andmerry-makings, to which they invited him, because every host likesthose cheerful guests of God with nimble jaws, who say as many wordsas they put away tit-bits. This abbot was a pernicious fellow, whowould relate to the ladies many a merry tale, at which they were onlyoffended when they had heard them; since, to judge them, things mustbe heard. 

"My reverend father, " said the king, "behold the twilight hour, inwhich ears feminine may be regaled with certain pleasant stories, forthe ladies can laugh without blushing, or blush without laughing, asit suits them best. Give us a good story--a regular monk's story. Ishall listen to it, i'faith, with pleasure, because I want to beamused, and so do the ladies. "

"We only submit to this, in order to please your lordship, " said thequeen; "because our good friend the abbot goes a little too far. "

"Then, " replied the king, turning towards the monk, "read us someChristian admonition, holy father, to amuse madame. "

"Sire, my sight is weak, and the day is closing. "

"Give us a story, then, that stops at the girdle. "

"Ah, sire!" said the monk, smiling, "the one I am thinking of stopsthere; but it commences at the feet. "

The lords present made such gallant remonstrances and supplications tothe queen and her ladies, that, like the good Bretonne that she was, she gave the monk a gentle smile, and said--

"As you will, my father; but you must answer to God for our sins. "

"Willingly, madame; if it be your pleasure to take mine, you will be againer. "

Everyone laughed, and so did queen. The king went and sat by his dearwife, well beloved by him, as everyone knows. The courtiers receivedpermission to be seated--the old courtiers, of course, understood; forthe young ones stood, by the ladies' permission, beside their chairs, to laugh at the same time as they did. Then the Abbot of Turpenaygracefully delivered himself of the following tale, the risky passagesof which he gave in a low, soft, flute-like voice:--

About a hundred years ago at the least, there occurred great quarrelsin Christendom because there were two popes at Rome, each onepretending to be legitimately elected, which caused great annoyance tothe monasteries, abbeys, and bishoprics, since, in order to berecognised by as many as possible, each of the two popes grantedtitles and rights to each adherent, the which made double ownerseverywhere. Under these circumstances, the monasteries and abbeys thatwere at war with their neighbours would not recognise both the popes, and found themselves much embarrassed by the other, who always gavethe verdict to the enemies of the Chapter. This wicked schism broughtabout considerable mischief, and proved abundantly that error is worsein Christianity than the adultery of the Church. 

Now at this time, when the devil was making havoc among ourpossessions, the most illustrious abbey of Turpenay, of which I am atpresent the unworthy ruler, had a heavy trial on concerning thesettlements of certain rights with the redoubtable Sire de Cande, anidolatrous infidel, a relapsed heretic, and most wicked lord. Thisdevil, sent upon earth in the shape of a nobleman, was, to tell thetruth, a good soldier, well received at court, and a friend of theSieur Bureau de la Riviere; who was a person to whom the king wasexceedingly partial--King Charles the Fifth, of glorious memory. Beneath the shelter of the favour of this Sieur de la Riviere, Lord ofCande did exactly as he pleased in the valley of the Indre, where heused to be master of everything, from Montbazon to Usse. You may besure that his neighbours were terribly afraid of him, and to savetheir skulls let him have his way. They would, however, have preferredhim under the ground to above it, and heartily wished him bad luck;but he troubled himself little about that. In the whole valley thenoble abbey alone showed fight to this demon, for it has always been adoctrine of the Church to take into her lap the weak and suffering, and use every effort to protect the oppressed, especially those whoserights and privileges are menaced. 

For this reason this rough warrior hated monks exceedingly, especiallythose of Turpenay, who would not allow themselves to be robbed oftheir rights either by force or stratagem. He was well pleased at theecclesiastical schism, and waited the decision of our abbey, concerning which pope they should choose, to pillage them, being quiteready to recognise the one to whom the abbot of Turpenay should refusehis obedience. Since his return to his castle, it was his custom totorment and annoy the priests whom he encountered upon his domains insuch a manner, that a poor monk, surprised by him on his private road, which was by the water-side, perceived no other method of safety thento throw himself into the river, where, by a special miracle of theAlmighty, whom the good man fervently invoked, his gown floated him onthe Indre, and he made his way comfortably to the other side, which heattained in full view of the lord of Cande, who was not ashamed toenjoy the terrors of a servant of God. Now you see of what stuff thishorrid man was made. The abbot, to whom at that time, the care of ourglorious abbey was committed, led a most holy life, and prayed to Godwith devotion; but he would have saved his own soul ten times, of suchgood quality was his religion, before finding a chance to save theabbey itself from the clutches of this wretch. Although he was veryperplexed, and saw the evil hour at hand, he relied upon God forsuccour, saying that he would never allow the property of the Churchto be touched, and that He who had raised up the Princess Judith forthe Hebrews, and Queen Lucretia for the Romans, would keep his mostillustrious abbey of Turpenay, and indulged in other equally sapientremarks. But his monks, who--to our shame I confess it--wereunbelievers, reproached him with his happy-go-lucky way of looking atthings, and declared that, to bring the chariot of Providence to therescue in time, all the oxen in the province would have to be yokedit; that the trumpets of Jericho were no longer made in any portion ofthe world; that God was disgusted with His creation, and would havenothing more to do with it: in short, a thousand and one things thatwere doubts and contumelies against God. 

At this desperate juncture there rose up a monk named Amador. Thisname had been given him by way of a joke, since his person offered aperfect portrait of the false god Aegipan. He was like him, strong inthe stomach; like him, had crooked legs; arms hairy as those of asaddler, a back made to carry a wallet, a face as red as the phiz of adrunkard, glistening eyes, a tangled beard, was hairy faced, and sopuffed out with fat and meat that you would have fancied him in aninteresting condition. You may be sure that he sung his matins on thesteps of the wine-cellar, and said his vespers in the vineyards ofLord. He was as fond of his bed as a beggar with sores, and would goabout the valley fuddling, faddling, blessing the bridals, pluckingthe grapes, and giving them to the girls to taste, in spite of theprohibition of the abbot. In fact, he was a pilferer, a loiterer, anda bad soldier of the ecclesiastical militia, of whom nobody in theabbey took any notice, but let him do as he liked from motives ofChristian charity, thinking him mad. 

Amador, knowing that it was a question of the ruin of the Abbey, inwhich he was as snug as a bug in a rug, put up his bristles, tooknotice of this and of that, went into each of the cells, listened inthe refectory, shivered in his shoes, and declared that he wouldattempt to save the abbey. He took cognisance of the contested points, received from the abbot permission to postpone the case, and waspromised by the whole Chapter the Office of sub-prior if he succeededin putting an end to the litigation. Then he set off across thecountry, heedless of the cruelty and ill-treatment of the Sieur deCande, saying that he had that within his gown which would subdue him. He went his way with nothing but the said gown for his viaticum: butthen in it was enough fat to feed a dwarf. He selected to go to thechateau, a day when it rained hard enough to fill the tubs of all thehousewives, and arrived without meeting a soul, in sight of Cande, andlooking like a drowned dog, stepped bravely into the courtyard, andtook shelter under a sty-roof to wait until the fury of the elementshad calmed down, and placed himself boldly in front of the room wherethe owner of the chateau should be. A servant perceiving him whilelaying the supper, took pity on him, and told him to make himselfscarce, otherwise his master would give him a horsewhipping, just toopen the conversation, and asked him what made him so bold as to entera house where monks were hated more than a red leper. 

"Ah!" said Amador, "I am on my way to Tours, sent thither by my lordabbot. If the lord of Cande were not so bitter against the poorservant of God, I should not be kept during such a deluge in thecourtyard, but in the house. I hope that he will find mercy in hishour of need. "

The servant reported these words to his master, who at first wished tohave the monk thrown into the big trough of the castle among the otherfilth. But the lady of Cande, who had great authority over her spouse, and was respected by him, because through her he expected a largeinheritance, and because she was a little tyrannical, reprimanded him, saying, that it was possible this monk was a Christian; that in suchweather thieves would succour an officer of justice; that, besides, itwas necessary to treat him well to find out to what decision thebrethren of Turpenay had come with regard to the schism business, andthat her advice was put an end by kindness and not by force to thedifficulties arisen between the abbey and the domain of Cande, becauseno lord since the coming of Christ had ever been stronger than theChurch, and that sooner or later the abbey would ruin the castle;finally, she gave utterance to a thousand wise arguments, such asladies use in the height of the storms of life, when they have hadabout enough of them. Amador's face was so piteous, his appearance sowretched, and so open to banter, that the lord, saddened by theweather, conceived the idea of enjoying a joke at his expense, tormenting him, playing tricks on him, and of giving him a livelyrecollection of his reception at the chateau. Then this gentleman, whohad secret relations with his wife's maid, sent this girl, who wascalled Perrotte, to put an end to his ill-will towards the lucklessAmador. As soon as the plot had been arranged between them, the wench, who hated monks, in order to please her master, went to the monk, whowas standing under the pigsty, assuming a courteous demeanour in orderthe better to please him, said--

"Holy father, the master of the house is ashamed to see a servant ofGod out in the rain when there is room for him indoors, a good fire inthe chimney, and a table spread. I invite you in his name and that ofthe lady of the house to step in. "

"I thank the lady and lord, not for their hospitality which is aChristian thing, but for having sent as an ambassador to me, a poorsinner, an angel of such delicate beauty that I fancy I see the Virginover our altar. "

Saying which, Amador raised his nose in the air, and saluted with thetwo flakes of fire that sparkled in his bright eyes the prettymaidservant, who thought him neither so ugly nor so foul, nor sobestial; when, following Perrotte up the steps, Amador received on thenose, cheeks, and other portions of his face a slash of the whip, which made him see all the lights of the Magnificat, so well was thedose administered by the Sieur de Cande, who, busy chastening hisgreyhounds pretended not see the monk. He requested Amador to pardonhim this accident, and ran after the dogs who had caused the mischiefto his guest. The laughing servant, who knew what was coming, haddexterously kept out of the way. Noticing this business, Amadorsuspected the relations of Perrotte and the chevalier, concerning whomit is possible that the lasses of the valley had already whisperedsomething into his ear. Of the people who were then in the room notone made room for the man of God, who remained right in the draughtbetween the door and the window, where he stood freezing until themoment when the Sieur de Cande, his wife, and his aged sister, Mademoiselle de Cande, who had the charge of the young heiress of thehouse, aged about sixteen years, came and sat in their chairs at thehead of the table, far from the common people, according to the oldcustom usual among the lords of the period, much to their discredit. 

The Sieur de Cande, paying no attention to the monk, let him sit atthe extreme end of the table, in a corner, where two mischievous ladshad orders to squeeze and elbow him. Indeed these fellows worried hisfeet, his body, and his arms like real torturers, poured white wineinto his goblet for water, in order to fuddle him, and the better toamuse themselves with him; but they made him drink seven large jugfulswithout making belch, break wind, sweat or snort, which horrified themexceedingly, especially as his eye remained as clear as crystal. Encouraged, however, by a glance from their lord, they still keptthrowing, while bowing to him, gravy into his beard, and wiping it dryin a manner to tear every hair of it out. The varlet who served acaudle baptised his head with it, and took care to let the burningliquor trickle down poor Amador's backbone. All this agony he enduredwith meekness, because the spirit of God was in him, and also the hopeof finishing the litigation by holding out in the castle. Nevertheless, the mischievous lot burst out into such roars oflaughter at the warm baptism given by the cook's lad to the soakedmonk, even the butler making jokes at his expense, that the lady ofCande was compelled to notice what was going on at the end of thetable. Then she perceived Amador, who had a look of sublimeresignation upon his face, and was endeavouring to get something outof the big beef bones that had been put upon his pewter platter. Atthis moment the poor monk, who had administered a dexterous blow ofthe knife to a big ugly bone, took it into his hairy hands, snapped itin two, sucked the warm marrow out of it, and found it good. 

"Truly, " said she to herself, "God has put great strength into thismonk!"

At the same time she seriously forbade the pages, servants, and othersto torment the poor man, to whom out of mockery they had just givensome rotten apples and maggoty nuts. He, perceiving that the old ladyand her charge, the lady and the servants had seen him manoeuvring thebone, pushed backed his sleeve, showed the powerful muscles of hisarm, placed nuts near his wrist on the bifurcation of the veins, andcrushed them one by one by pressing them with the palm of his hand sovigorously that they appeared like ripe medlars. He also crunched thembetween his teeth, white as the teeth of a dog, husk, shell, fruit, and all, of which he made in a second a mash which he swallowed likehoney. He crushed them between two fingers, which he used likescissors to cut them in two without a moment's hesitation. 

You may be sure that the women were silent, that the men believed thedevil to be in the monk; and had it not been for his wife and thedarkness of the night, the Sieur de Cande, having the fear of Godbefore his eyes, would have kicked him out of the house. Everyonedeclared that the monk was a man capable of throwing the castle intothe moat. Therefore, as soon as everyone had wiped his mouth, my lordtook care to imprison this devil, whose strength was terrible tobehold, and had him conducted to a wretched little closet wherePerrotte had arranged her machine in order to annoy him during thenight. The tom-cats of the neighbourhood had been requested to comeand confess to him, invited to tell him their sins in embryo towardsthe tabbies who attracted their affections, and also the little pigsfor whom fine lumps of tripe had been placed under the bed in order toprevent them becoming monks, of which they were very desirous, bydisgusting them with the style of libera, which the monk would sing tothem. At every movement of poor Amador, who would find shorthorse-hair in the sheets, he would bring down cold water on to the bed, and a thousand other tricks were arranged, such are usually practisedin castles. Everyone went to bed in expectation of the nocturnal revelsof the monk, certain that they would not be disappointed, since he hadbeen lodged under the tiles at the top of a little tower, the guard ofthe door of which was committed to dogs who howled for a bit of him. In order to ascertain what language the conversations with the catsand pigs would be carried on, the Sire came to stay with his dearPerrotte, who slept in the next room. 

As soon as he found himself thus treated, Amador drew from his bag aknife, and dexterously extricated himself. Then he began to listen inorder to find out the ways of the place, and heard the master of thehouse laughing with his maid-servant. Suspecting their manoeuvres, hewaited till the moment when the lady of the house should be alone inbed, and made his way into her room with bare feet, in order that hissandals should not be in his secrets. He appeared to her by the lightof the lamp in the manner in which monks generally appear during thenight--that is, in a marvellous state, which the laity find itdifficult long to sustain; and the thing is an effect of the frock, which magnifies everything. Then having let her see that he was all amonk, he made the following little speech--

"Know, madame, that I am sent by Jesus and the Virgin Mary to warn youto put an end to the improper perversities which are taking place--tothe injury of your virtue, which is treacherously deprived of yourhusband's best attention, which he lavishes upon your maid. What isthe use of being a lady if the seigneurial dues are receivedelsewhere. According to this, your servant is the lady and you are theservant. Are not all the joys bestowed upon her due to you? You willfind them all amassed in our Holy Church, which is the consolation ofthe afflicted. Behold in me the messenger, ready to pay these debts ifyou do not renounce them. "

Saying this, the good monk gently loosened his girdle in which he wasincommoded, so much did he appear affected by the sight of thosebeauties which the Sieur de Cande disdained. 

"If you speak truly, my father, I will submit to your guidance, " saidshe, springing lightly out of bed. "You are for sure, a messenger ofGod, because you have been in a single day that which I had notnoticed here for a long time. "

Then she went, accompanied by Amador, whose holy robe she did not failto run her hand over, and was so struck when she found it real, thatshe hoped to find her husband guilty; and indeed she heard him talkingabout the monk in her servant's bed. Perceiving this felony, she wentinto a furious rage and opened her mouth to resolve it into words--which is the usual method of women--and wished to kick up the devil'sdelight before handing the girl over to justice. But Amador told herthat it would be more sensible to avenge herself first, and cry outafterwards. 

"Avenge me quickly, then, my father, " said she, "that I may begin tocry out. "

Thereupon the monk avenged her most monastically with a good and amplevengeance, that she indulged in as a drunkard who puts his lips to thebunghole of a barrel; for when a lady avenges herself, she should getdrunk with vengeance, or not taste it at all. And the chatelaine wasrevenged to that degree that she could not move; since nothingagitates, takes away the breath, and exhausts, like anger andvengeance. But although she were avenged, and doubly and treblyavenged, yet would she not forgive, in order that she might reservethe right of avenging herself with the monk, now here, now there. Perceiving this love for vengeance, Amador promised to aid her in itas long as her ire lasted, for he informed her that he knew in hisquality of a monk, constrained to meditate long on the nature ofthings, an infinite number of modes, methods, and manners ofpracticing revenge. 

Then he pointed out to her canonically what a Christian thing it is torevenge oneself, because all through the Holy Scriptures God declaresHimself, above all things, to be a God of vengeance; and moreover, demonstrates to us, by his establishment in the infernal regions, howroyally divine a thing vengeance is, since His vengeance is eternal. From which it followed, that women with monks ought to revengethemselves, under pain of not being Christians and faithful servantsof celestial doctrines. 

This dogma pleased the lady much, and she confessed that she had neverunderstood the commandments of the Church, and invited herwell-beloved monk to enlighten her thoroughly concerning them. Thenthe chatelaine, whose vital spirits had been excited by the vengeancewhich had refreshed them, went into the room where the jade wasamusing herself, and by chance found her with her hand where she, thechatelaine, often had her eye--like the merchants have on their mostprecious articles, in order to see that they were not stolen. Theywere--according to President Lizet, when he was in a merry mood--acouple taken in flagrant delectation, and looked dumbfounded, sheepishand foolish. The sight that met her eyes displeased the lady beyondthe power of words to express, as it appeared by her discourse, ofwhich to roughness was similar to that of the water of a big pond whenthe sluice-gates were opened. It was a sermon in three heads, accompanied with music of a high gamut, varied in tones, with manysharps among the keys. 

"Out upon virtue! my lord; I've had my share of it. You have shown methat religion in conjugal faith is an abuse; this is then the reasonthat I have no son. How many children have you consigned to thiscommon oven, this poor-box, this bottomless alms-purse, this leper'sporringer, the true cemetery of the House of Cande? I will know if Iam childless from a constitutional defect, or through your fault. Iwill have handsome cavaliers, in order that I may have an heir. Youcan get the bastards, I the legitimate children. "

"My dear, " said the bewildered lord, "don't shout so. "

"But, " replied the lady, "I will shout, and shout to make myselfheard, heard by the archbishop, heard by the legate, by the king, bymy brothers, who will avenge this infamy for me. "

"Do not dishonour your husband!"

"This is dishonour then? You are right; but, my lord, it is notbrought about by you, but by this hussy, whom I will have sewn up in asack, and thrown into the Indre; thus your dishonour will be washedaway. Hi! there, " she called out. 

"Silence, madame!" said the sire, as shamefaced as a blind man's dog;because this great warrior, so ready to kill others, was like a childin the hands of his wife, a state of affairs to which soldiers areaccustomed, because in them lies the strength and is found all thedull carnality of matter; while, on the contrary, in woman is a subtlespirit and a scintillation of perfumed flame that lights up paradiseand dazzles the male. This is the reason that certain women governtheir husbands, because mind is the master of matter. 

(At this the ladies began to laugh, as did also the king). 

"I will not be silent, " said the lady of Cande (said the abbot, continuing his tale); "I have been too grossly outraged. This, then, is the reward of the wealth that I brought you, and of my virtuousconduct! Did I ever refuse to obey you even during Lent, and on fastdays? Am I so cold as to freeze the sun? Do you think that I embraceby force, from duty, or pure kindness of heart! Am I too hallowed foryou to touch? Am I a holy shrine? Was there need of a papal brief tokiss me? God's truth! have you had so much of me that you are tired?Am I not to your taste? Do charming wenches know more than ladies? Ha!perhaps it is so, since she has let you work in the field withoutsowing. Teach me the business; I will practice it with those whom Itake into my service, for it is settled that I am free. That is as weshould be. Your society was wearisome, and the little pleasure Iderived from it cost me too dear. Thank God! I am quit of you and yourwhims, because I intend to retire to a monastery. " . . . She meant tosay a convent, but this avenging monk had perverted her tongue. 

"And I shall be more comfortable in this monastery with my daughter, than in this place of abominable wickedness. You can inherit from yourwench. Ha, ha! The fine lady of Cande! Look at her!"

"What is the matter?" said Amador, appearing suddenly upon the scene. 

"The matter is, my father, " replied she, "that my wrongs cry aloud forvengeance. To begin with, I shall have this trollop thrown into theriver, sewn up in a sack, for having diverted the seed of the House ofCande from its proper channel. It will be saving the hangman a job. For the rest I will--"

"Abandon your anger, my daughter, " said the monk. "It is commanded usby the Church to forgive those who trespass against us, if we wouldfind favour in the side of Heaven, because you pardon those who alsopardon others. God avenges himself eternally on those who have avengedthemselves, but keeps in His paradise those who have pardoned. Fromthat comes the jubilee, which is a day of great rejoicing, because alldebts and offences are forgiven. Thus it is a source of happiness topardon. Pardon! Pardon! To pardon is a most holy work. PardonMonseigneur de Cande, who will bless you for your gracious clemency, and will henceforth love you much; This forgiveness will restore toyou the flower of youth; and believe, my dear sweet young lady, thatforgiveness is in certain cases the best means of vengeance. Pardonyour maid-servant, who will pray heaven for you. Thus God, supplicatedby all, will have you in His keeping, and will bless you with malelineage for this pardon. "

Thus saying, the monk took the hand of the sire, placed it in that ofthe lady, and added--

"Go and talk over the pardon. "

And then he whispered into the husband's ears this sage advice--

"My lord, use your best argument, and you will silence her with it, because a woman's mouth it is only full of words when she is emptyelsewhere. Argue continually, and thus you will always have the upperhand of your wife. "

"By the body of the Jupiter! There's good in this monk after all, "said the seigneur, as he went out. 

As soon as Amador found himself alone with Perrotte he spoke to her, as follows--

"You are to blame, my dear, for having wished to torment a poorservant of God; therefore are you now the object of celestial wrath, which will fall upon you. To whatever place you fly it will alwaysfollow you, will seize upon you in every limb, even after your death, and will cook you like a pasty in the oven of hell, where you willsimmer eternally, and every day you will receive seven hundredthousand million lashes of the whip, for the one I received throughyou. "

"Ah! holy Father, " said the wench, casting herself at the monk's feet, "you alone can save me, for in your gown I should be sheltered fromthe anger of God. "

Saying this, she raised the robe to place herself beneath it, andexclaimed--

"By my faith! monks are better than knights. "

"By the sulphur of the devil! You are not acquainted with the monks?"

"No, " said Perrotte. 

"And you don't know the service that monks sing without saying aword?"

"No. "

Thereupon the monk went through this said service for her, as it issung on great feast days, with all the grand effects used inmonasteries, the psalms well chanted in f major, the flaming tapers, and the choristers, and explained to her the _Introit_, and also the_ite missa est_, and departed, leaving her so sanctified that thewrath of heaven would have great difficulty in discovering any portionof the girl that was not thoroughly monasticated. 

By his orders, Perrotte conducted him to Mademoiselle de Cande, thelord's sister, to whom he went in order to learn if it was her desireto confess to him, because monks came so rarely to the castle. Thelady was delighted, as would any good Christian have been, at such achance of clearing out her conscience. Amador requested her to showhim her conscience, and she having allowed him to see that which heconsidered the conscience of old maids, he found it in a bad state, and told her that the sins of women were accomplished there; that tobe for the future without sin it was necessary to have the consciencecorked up by a monk's indulgence. The poor ignorant lady havingreplied that she did not know where these indulgences were to be had, the monk informed her that he had a relic with him which enabled himto grant one, that nothing was more indulgent than this relic, becausewithout saying a word it produced infinite pleasures, which is thetrue, eternal and primary character of an indulgence. The poor ladywas so pleased with this relic, the virtue of which she tried invarious ways, that her brain became muddled, and she had so much faithin it that she indulged as devoutly in indulgences as the Lady ofCande had indulged in vengeances. This business of confession woke upthe younger Demoiselle de Cande, who came to watch the proceedings. You may imagine that the monk had hoped for this occurrence, since hismouth had watered at the sight of this fair blossom, whom he alsoconfessed, because the elder lady could not hinder him from bestowingupon the younger one, who wished it, what remained of the indulgences. But, remember, this pleasure was due to him for the trouble he hadtaken. The morning having dawned, the pigs having eaten their tripe, and the cats having become disenchanted with love, and having wateredall the places rubbed with herbs, Amador went to rest himself in hisbed, which Perrotte had put straight again. Every one slept, thanks tothe monk, so long, that no one in the castle was up before noon, whichwas the dinner hour. The servants all believed the monk to be a devilwho had carried off the cats, the pigs, and also their masters. Inspite of these ideas however, every one was in the room at meal time. 

"Come, my father, " said the chatelaine, giving her arm to the monk, whom she put at her side in the baron's chair, to the greatastonishment of the attendants, because the Sire of Cande said not aword. "Page, give some of this to Father Amador, " said madame. 

"Father Amador has need of so and so, " said the Demoiselle de Cande. 

"Fill up Father Amador's goblet, " said the sire. 

"Father Amador has no bread, " said the little lady. 

"What do you require, Father Amador?" said Perrotte. 

It was Father Amador here, and Father Amador there. He was regaledlike a little maiden on her wedding night. 

"Eat, father, " said madame; "you made such a bad meal yesterday. "

"Drink, father, " said the sire. "You are, s'blood! the finest monk Ihave ever set eyes on. "

"Father Amador is a handsome monk, " said Perrotte. 

"An indulgent monk, " said the demoiselle. 

"A beneficent monk, " said the little one. 

"A great monk, " said the lady. 

"A monk who well deserves his name, " said the clerk of the castle. 

Amador munched and chewed, tried all the dishes, lapped up thehypocras, licked his chops, sneezed, blew himself out, strutted andstamped about like a bull in a field. The others regarded him withgreat fear, believing him to be a magician. Dinner over, the Lady ofCande, the demoiselle, and the little one, besought the Sire of Candewith a thousand fine arguments, to terminate the litigation. A greatdeal was said to him by madame, who pointed out to him how useful amonk was in a castle; by mademoiselle, who wished for the future topolish up her conscience every day; by the little one, who pulled herfather's beard, and asked that this monk might always be at Cande. Ifever the difference were arranged, it would be by the monk: the monkwas of a good understanding, gentle and virtuous as a saint; it was amisfortune to be at enmity with a monastery containing such monks. Ifall the monks were like him, the abbey would always have everywherethe advantage of the castle, and would ruin it, because this monk wasvery strong. Finally, they gave utterance to a thousand reasons, whichwere like a deluge of words, and were so pluvially showered down thatthe sire yielded, saying, that there would never be a moment's peacein the house until matters were settled to the satisfaction of thewomen. Then he sent for the clerk, who wrote down for him, and alsofor the monk. Then Amador surprised them exceedingly by showing themthe charters and the letters of credit, which would prevent the sireand his clerk delaying this agreement. When the Lady of Cande saw themabout to put an end to this old case, she went to the linen chest toget some fine cloth to make a new gown for her dear Amador. Every onein the house had noticed how this old gown was worn, and it would havebeen a great shame to leave such a treasure in such a worn-out case. Everyone was eager to work at the gown. Madame cut it, the servant putthe hood on, the demoiselle sewed it, and the little demoiselle workedat the sleeves. And all set so heartily to work to adorn the monk, that the robe was ready by supper time, as was also the charter ofagreement prepared and sealed by the Sire de Cande. 

"Ah, my father!" said the lady, "if you love us, you will refreshyourself after your merry labour by washing yourself in a bath that Ihave had heated by Perrotte. "

Amador was then bathed in scented water. When he came out he found anew robe of fine linen and lovely sandals ready for him, which madehim appear the most glorious monk in the world. 

Meanwhile the monks of Turpenay fearing for Amador, had ordered two oftheir number to spy about the castle. These spies came round by themoat, just as Perrotte threw Amador's greasy old gown, with otherrubbish, into it. Seeing which, they thought that it was all over withthe poor madman. They therefore returned, and announced that it wascertain Amador had suffered martyrdom in the service of the abbey. Hearing which the abbot ordered them to assemble in the chapel andpray to God, in order to assist this devoted servant in his torments. The monk having supped, put his charter into his girdle, and wished toreturn to Turpenay. Then he found at the foot of the steps madame'smare, bridled and saddled, and held ready for him by a groom. The lordhad ordered his men-at-arms to accompany the good monk, so that noaccident might befall him. Seeing which, Amador pardoned the tricks ofthe night before, and bestowed his benediction upon every one beforetaking his departure from this converted place. Madame followed himwith her eyes, and proclaimed him a splendid rider. Perrotte declaredthat for a monk he held himself more upright in the saddle than any ofthe men-at-arms. Mademoiselle de Cande sighed. The little one wishedto have him for her confessor. 

"He has sanctified the castle, " said they, when they were in the roomagain. 

When Amador and his suite came to the gates of the abbey, a scene ofterror ensued, since the guardian thought that the Sire de Cande hadhad his appetite for monks whetted by the blood of poor Amador, andwished to sack the abbey. But Amador shouted with his fine bass voice, and was recognised and admitted into the courtyard; and when hedismounted from madame's mare there was enough uproar to make themonks as a wild as April moons. They gave vent to shouts of joy in therefectory, and all came to congratulate Amador, who waved the charterover his head. The men-at-arms were regaled with the best wine in thecellars, which was a present made to the monks of Turpenay by those ofMarmoustier, to whom belonged the lands of Vouvray. The good abbothaving had the document of the Sieur de Cande read, went aboutsaying--

"On these divine occasions there always appears the finger of God, towhom we should render thanks. "

As the good abbot kept on at the finger of God, when thanking Amador, the monk, annoyed to see the instrument of their delivery thusdiminished, said to him--

"Well, say that it is the arm, my father, and drop the subject. "

The termination of the trial between the Sieur de Cande and the abbeyof Turpenay was followed by a blessing which rendered him devoted tothe Church, because nine months after he had a son. Two yearsafterwards Amador was chosen as abbot by the monks, who reckoned upona merry government with a madcap. But Amador become an abbot, becamesteady and austere, because he had conquered his evil desires by hislabours, and recast his nature at the female forge, in which is thatfire which is the most perfecting, persevering, persistent, perdurable, permanent, perennial, and permeating fire that there everwas in the world. It is a fire to ruin everything, and it ruined sowell the evil that was in Amador, that it left only that which itcould not eat--that is, his wit, which was as clear as a diamond, which is, as everyone knows, a residue of the great fire by which ourglobe was formerly carbonised. Amador was then the instrument chosenby Providence to reform our illustrious abbey, since he put everythingright there, watched night and day over his monks, made them all riseat the hours appointed for prayers, counted them in chapel as ashepherd counts his sheep, kept them well in hand, and punished theirfaults severely, that he made them most virtuous brethren. 

This teaches us to look upon womankind more as the instruments of oursalvation than of our pleasure. Besides which, this narrative teachesus that we should never attempt to struggle with the Churchmen. 

The king and the queen had found this tale in the best taste; thecourtiers confessed that they had never heard a better; and the ladieswould all willingly have been the heroines of it. 

 BERTHA THE PENITENT

IHOW BERTHA REMAINED A MAIDEN IN THE MARRIED STATE

About the time of the first flight of the Dauphin, which threw ourgood Sire, Charles the Victorious, into a state of great dejection, there happened a great misfortune to a noble House of Touraine, sinceextinct in every branch; and it is owing to this fact that this mostdeplorable history may now be safely brought to light. To aid him inthis work the author calls to his assistance the holy confessors, martyrs, and other celestial dominations, who, by the commandments ofGod, were the promoters of good in this affair. 

From some defect in his character, the Sire Imbert de Bastarnay, oneof the most landed lords in our land of Touraine, had no confidence inthe mind of the female of man, whom he considered much too animated, on account of her numerous vagaries, and it may be he was right. Inconsequence of this idea he reached his old age without a companion, which was certainly not to his advantage. Always leading a solitarylife, this said man had no idea of making himself agreeable to others, having only been mixed up with wars and the orgies of bachelors, withwhom he did not put himself out of the way. Thus he remained stale inhis garments, sweaty in his accoutrements, with dirty hands and anapish face. In short, he looked the ugliest man in Christendom. As faras regards his person only though, since so far as his heart, hishead, and other secret places were concerned, he had properties whichrendered him most praiseworthy. An angel (pray believe this) wouldhave walked a long way without meeting an old warrior firmer at hispost, a lord with more spotless scutcheon, of shorter speech, and moreperfect loyalty. 

Certain people have stated, they have heard that he gave sound advice, and was a good and profitable man to consult. Was it not a strangefreak on the part of God, who plays sometimes jokes on us, to havegranted so many perfections to a man so badly apparelled?

When he was sixty in appearance, although only fifty in years, hedetermined to take unto himself a wife, in order to obtain lineage. Then, while foraging about for a place where he might be able to finda lady to his liking, he heard much vaunted, the great merits andperfections of a daughter of the illustrious house of Rohan, which atthat time had some property in the province. The young lady inquestion was called Bertha, that being her pet name. Imbert havingbeen to see her at the castle of Montbazon, was, in consequence of theprettiness and innocent virtue of the said Bertha de Rohan, seizedwith so great a desire to possess her, that he determined to make herhis wife, believing that never could a girl of such lofty descent failin her duty. This marriage was soon celebrated, because the Sire deRohan had seven daughters, and hardly knew how to provide for themall, at a time when people were just recovering from the late wars, and patching up their unsettled affairs. Now the good man Bastarnayhappily found Bertha really a maiden, which fact bore witness to herproper bringing up and perfect maternal correction. So immediately thenight arrived when it should be lawful for him to embrace her, he gother with a child so roughly that he had proof of the result two monthsafter marriage, which rendered the Sire Imbert joyful to a degree. Inorder that we may here finish with this portion of the story, let usat once state that from this legitimate grain was born the Sire deBastarnay, who was Duke by the grace of Louis the Eleventh, hischamberlain, and more than that, his ambassador in the countries ofEurope, and well-beloved of this most redoubtable lord, to whom hewas never faithless. His loyalty was an heritage from his father, whofrom his early youth was much attached to the Dauphin, whose fortuneshe followed, even in the rebellions, since he was a man to put Christon the cross again if it had been required by him to do so, which isthe flower of friendship rarely to be found encompassing princes andgreat people. At first, the fair lady of Bastarnay comported herselfso loyally that her society caused those thick vapours and blackclouds to vanish, which obscured the mind of this great man, thebrightness of the feminine glory. Now, according to the custom ofunbelievers, he passed from suspicion to confidence so thoroughly, that he yielded up the government of his house to the said Bertha, made her mistress of his deeds and actions, queen of his honour, guardian of his grey hairs, and would have slaughtered without acontest any one who had said an evil word concerning this mirror ofvirtue, on whom no breath had fallen save the breath issued from hisconjugal and marital lips, cold and withered as they were. To speaktruly on all points, it should be explained, that to this virtuousbehaviour considerably aided the little boy, who during six yearsoccupied day and night the attention of his pretty mother, who firstnourished him with her milk, and made of him a lover's lieutenant, yielding to him her sweet breasts, which he gnawed at, hungry, asoften as he would, and was, like a lover, always there. This goodmother knew no other pleasures than those of his rosy lips, had noother caresses that those of his tiny little hands, which ran abouther like the feet of playful mice, read no other book than that in hisclear baby eyes, in which the blue sky was reflected, and listened tono other music than his cries, which sounded in her ears as angels'whispers. You may be sure that she was always fondling him, had adesire to kiss him at dawn of day, kissed him in the evening, wouldrise in the night to eat him up with kisses, made herself a child ashe was a child, educated him in the perfect religion of maternity;finally, behaved as the best and happiest mother that ever lived, without disparagement to our Lady the Virgin, who could have hadlittle trouble in bringing up our Saviour, since he was God. 

This employment and the little taste which Bertha had for the blissesof matrimony much delighted the old man, since he would have beenunable to return the affection of a too amorous wife, and desired topractice economy, to have the wherewithal for a second child. 

After six years had passed away, the mother was compelled to give herson into the hands of the grooms and other persons to whom Messire deBastarnay committed the task to mould him properly, in order that hisheir should have an heritage of the virtues, qualities and courage ofthe house, as well as the domains and the name. Then did Bertha shedmany tears, her happiness being gone. For the great heart of thismother it was nothing to have this well-beloved son after others, andduring only certain short fleeting hours. Therefore she became sad andmelancholy. Noticing her grief, the good man wished to bestow upon heranother child and could not, and the poor lady was displeased thereat, because she declared that the making of a child wearied her much andcost her dear. And this is true, or no doctrine is true, and you mustburn the Gospels as a pack of stories if you have not faith in thisinnocent remark. 

This, nevertheless, to certain ladies (I did not mention men, sincethey have a smattering of the science), will still seem an untruth. The writer has taken care here to give the mute reasons for thisstrange antipathy; I mean the distastes of Bertha, because I love theladies above all things, knowing that for want of the pleasure oflove, my face would grow old and my heart torment me. Did you evermeet a scribe so complacent and so fond of the ladies as I am? No; ofcourse not. Therefore, do I love them devotedly, but not so often as Icould wish, since I have oftener in my hands my goose-quill than Ihave the barbs with which one tickles their lips to make them laughand be merry in all innocence. I understand them, and in this way. 

The good man Bastarnay was not a smart young fellow of an amorousnature, and acquainted with the pranks of the thing. He did nottrouble himself much about the fashion in which he killed a soldier solong as he killed him; that he would have killed him in all wayswithout saying a word in battle, is, of course, understood. Theperfect heedlessness in the matter of death was in accordance with thenonchalance in the matter of life, the birth and manner of begetting achild, and the ceremonies thereto appertaining. The good sire wasignorant of the many litigious, dilatory, interlocutory andproprietary exploits and the little humourings of the little fagotsplaced in the oven to heat it; of the sweet perfumed branches gatheredlittle by little in the forests of love, fondlings, coddlings, huggings, nursing, the bites at the cherry, the cat-licking, and otherlittle tricks and traffic of love which ruffians know, which loverspreserve, and which the ladies love better than their salvation, because there is more of the cat than the woman in them. This shinesforth in perfect evidence in their feminine ways. If you think itworth while watching them, examine them attentively while they eat:not one of them (I am speaking of women, noble and well-educated) putsher knife in the eatables and thrusts it into her mouth, as dobrutally the males; no, they turn over their food, pick the piecesthat please them as they would gray peas in a dovecote; they suck thesauces by mouthfuls; play with their knife and spoon as if they areonly ate in consequence of a judge's order, so much do they dislike togo straight to the point, and make free use of variations, finesse, and little tricks in everything, which is the especial attribute ofthese creatures, and the reason that the sons of Adam delight in them, since they do everything differently to themselves, and they do well. You think so too. Good! I love you. 

Now then, Imbert de Bastarnay, an old soldier, ignorant of the tricksof love, entered into the sweet garden of Venus as he would into aplace taken by assault, without giving any heed to the cries of thepoor inhabitants in tears, and placed a child as he would an arrow inthe dark. Although the gentle Bertha was not used to such treatment(poor child, she was but fifteen), she believed in her virgin faith, that the happiness of becoming a mother demanded this terrible, dreadful bruising and nasty business; so during his painful task shewould pray to God to assist her, and recite _Aves_ to our Lady, esteeming her lucky, in only having the Holy Ghost to endure. By thismeans, never having experienced anything but pain in marriage, shenever troubled her husband to go through the ceremony again. Nowseeing that the old fellow was scarcely equal to it--as has beenbefore stated--she lived in perfect solitude, like a nun. She hatedthe society of men, and never suspected that the Author of the worldhad put so much joy in that from which she had only received infinitemisery. But she loved all the more her little one, who had cost her somuch before he was born. Do not be astonished, therefore, that sheheld aloof from that gallant tourney in which it is the mare whogoverns her cavalier, guides him, fatigues him, and abuses him, if hestumbles. This is the true history of certain unhappy unions, according to the statement of the old men and women, and the certainreason of the follies committed by certain women, who too lateperceive, I know not how, that they have been deceived, and attempt tocrowd into a day more time than it will hold, to have their propershare of life. That is philosophical, my friends. Therefore study wellthis page, in order that you may wisely look to the proper governmentof your wives, your sweethearts, and all females generally, andparticularly those who by chance may be under your care, from whichGod preserve you. 

Thus a virgin in deed, although a mother, Bertha was in herone-and-twentieth year a castle flower, the glory of her good man, and the honour of the province. The said Bastarnay took great pleasurein beholding this child come, go, and frisk about like a willow-switch, as lively as an eel, as innocent as her little one, and still mostsensible and of sound understanding; so much so that he neverundertook any project without consulting her about it, seeing that ifthe minds of these angels have not been disturbed in their purity, they give a sound answer to everything one asks of them. At this timeBertha lived near the town of Loches, in the castle of her lord, andthere resided, with no desire to do anything but look after herhousehold duties, after the old custom of the good housewives, fromwhich the ladies of France were led away when Queen Catherine and theItalians came with their balls and merry-makings. To these practicesFrancis the First and his successors, whose easy ways did as much harmto the State of France as the goings on of the Protestants lent theiraid. This, however, has nothing to do with my story. 

About this time the lord and lady of Bastarnay were invited by theking to come to his town of Loches, where for the present he was withhis court, in which the beauty of the lady of Bastarnay had made agreat noise. Bertha came to Loches, received many kind praises fromthe king, was the centre of the homage of all the young nobles, whofeasted their eyes on this apple of love, and of the old ones, whowarmed themselves at this sun. But you may be sure that all of them, old and young, would have suffered death a thousand times over to haveat their service this instrument of joy, which dazzled their eyes andmuddled their brains. Bertha was more talked about in Loches theneither God or the Gospels, which enraged a great many ladies who werenot so bountifully endowed with charms, and would have given all thatwas left of their honour to have sent back to her castle this fairgatherer of smiles. 

A young lady having early perceived that one of her lovers was smittenwith Bertha, took such a hatred to her that from it arose all themisfortunes of the lady of Bastarnay; but also from the same sourcecame her happiness, and her discovery of the gentle land of love, ofwhich she was ignorant. This wicked lady had a relation who hadconfessed to her, directly he saw Bertha, that to be her lover hewould be willing to die after a month's happiness with her. Bear inmind that this cousin was as handsome as a girl is beautiful, had nohair on his chin, would have gained his enemy's forgiveness by askingfor it, so melodious was his young voice, and was scarcely twentyyears of age. 

"Dear cousin, " said she to him, "leave the room, and go to your house;I will endeavour to give you this joy. But do not let yourself be seenby her, nor by that old baboon-face by an error of nature on aChristian's body, and to whom belongs this beauteous fay. "

The young gentleman out of the way, the lady came rubbing hertreacherous nose against Bertha's, and called her "My friend, mytreasure, my star of beauty"; trying every way to be agreeable to her, to make her vengeance more certain on the poor child who, allunwittingly, had caused her lover's heart to be faithless, which, forwomen ambitious in love, is the worst of infidelities. After a littleconversation, the plotting lady suspected that poor Bertha was amaiden in matters of love, when she saw her eyes full of limpid water, no marks on the temples, no little black speck on the point of herlittle nose, white as snow, where usually the marks of the amusementare visible, no wrinkle on her brow; in short, no habit of pleasureapparent on her face--clear as the face of an innocent maiden. Thenthis traitress put certain women's questions to her, and was perfectlyassured by the replies of Bertha, that if she had had the profit ofbeing a mother, the pleasures of love had been denied to her. At thisshe rejoiced greatly on her cousin's behalf--like the good woman shewas. 

Then she told her, that in the town of Loches there lived a young andnoble lady, of the family of a Rohan, who at that time had need of theassistance of a lady of position to be reconciled with the Sire Louisde Rohan; that if she had as much goodness as God had given herbeauty, she would take her with her to the castle, ascertain forherself the sanctity of her life, and bring about a reconciliationwith the Sire de Rohan, who refused to receive her. To this Berthaconsented without hesitation, because the misfortunes of this girlwere known to her, but not the poor young lady herself, whose name wasSylvia, and whom she had believed to be in a foreign land. 

It is here necessary to state why the king had given this invitationto the Sire de Bastarnay. He had a suspicion of the first flight ofhis son the Dauphin into Burgundy, and wished to deprive him of sogood a counsellor as was the said Bastarnay. But the veteran, faithfulto young Louis, had already, without saying a word, made up his mind. Therefore he took Bertha back to his castle; but before they set outshe told him she had taken a companion and introduced her to him. Itwas the young lord, disguised as a girl, with the assistance of hiscousin, who was jealous of Bertha, and annoyed at her virtue. Imbertdrew back a little when he learned that it was Sylvia de Rohan, butwas also much affected at the kindness of Bertha, whom he thanked forher attempt to bring a little wandering lamb back to the fold. He mademuch of his wife, when his last night at home came, left men-at-armsabout his castle, and then set out with the Dauphin for Burgundy, having a cruel enemy in his bosom without suspecting it. The face ofthe young lad was unknown to him, because he was a young page come tosee the king's court, and who had been brought up by the CardinalDunois, in whose service he was a knight-bachelor. 

The old lord, believing that he was a girl, thought him very modestand timid, because the lad, doubting the language of his eyes, keptthem always cast down; and when Bertha kissed him on the mouth, hetrembled lest his petticoat might be indiscreet, and would walk awayto the window, so fearful was he of being recognised as a man byBastarnay, and killed before he had made love to the lady. 

Therefore he was as joyful as any lover would have been in his place, when the portcullis was lowered, and the old lord galloped away acrossthe country. He had been in such suspense that he made a vow to builda pillar at his own expense in the cathedral at Tours, because he hadescaped the danger of his mad scheme. He gave, indeed, fifty goldmarks to pay God for his delight. But by chance he had to pay for itover again to the devil, as it appears from the following facts if thetale pleases you well enough to induce you to follow the narrative, which will be succinct, as all good speeches should be. 

IIHOW BERTHA BEHAVED, KNOWING THE BUSINESS OF LOVE

This bachelor was the young Sire Jehan de Sacchez, cousin of the Sieurde Montmorency, to whom, by the death of the said Jehan, the fiefs ofSacchez and other places would return, according to the deed oftenure. He was twenty years of age and glowed like a burning coal;therefore you may be sure that he had a hard job to get through thefirst day. While old Imbert was galloping across the fields, the twocousins perched themselves under the lantern of the portcullis, inorder to keep him the longer in view, and waved him signals offarewells. When the clouds of dust raised by the heels of the horseswere no longer visible upon the horizon, they came down and went intothe great room of the castle. 

"What shall we do, dear cousin?" said Bertha to the false Sylvia. "Doyou like music? We will play together. Let us sing the lay of somesweet ancient bard. Eh? What do you say? Come to my organ; come along. As you love me, sing!"

Then she took Jehan by the hand and led him to the keyboard of theorgan, at which the young fellow seated himself prettily, after themanner of women. "Ah! sweet coz, " cried Bertha, as soon as the firstnotes tried, the lad turned his head towards her, in order that theymight sing together. "Ah! sweet coz you have a wonderful glance inyour eye; you move I know not what in my heart. "

"Ah! cousin, " replied the false Sylvia, "that it is which has been myruin. A sweet milord of the land across the sea told me so often thatI had fine eyes, and kissed them so well, that I yielded, so muchpleasure did I feel in letting them be kissed. "

"Cousin, does love then, commence in the eyes?"

"In them is the forge of Cupid's bolts, my dear Bertha, " said thelover, casting fire and flame at her. 

"Let us go on with our singing. "

They then sang, by Jehan's desire, a lay of Christine de Pisan, everyword of which breathed love. 

"Ah! cousin, what a deep and powerful voice you have. It seems topierce me. "

"Where?" said the impudent Sylvia. 

"There, " replied Bertha, touching her little diaphragm, where thesounds of love are understood better than by the ears, but thediaphragm lies nearer the heart, and that which is undoubtedly thefirst brain, the second heart, and the third ear of the ladies. I saythis, with all respect and with all honour, for physical reasons andfor no others. 

"Let us leave off singing, " said Bertha; "it has too great an effectupon me. Come to the window; we can do needlework until the evening. "

"Ah! dear cousin of my soul, I don't know how to hold the needle in myfingers, having been accustomed, to my perdition to do something elsewith them. "

"Eh! what did you do then all day long?"

"Ah! I yielded to the current of love, which makes days seem Instants, months seem days, and years months; and if it could last, would gulpdown eternity like a strawberry, seeing that it is all youth andfragrance, sweetness and endless joy. "

Then the youth dropped his beautiful eyelids over his eyes, andremained as melancholy as a poor lady who has been abandoned by herlover, who weeps for him, wishes to kiss him, and would pardon hisperfidy, if he would but seek once again the sweet path to hisonce-loved fold. 

"Cousin, does love blossom in the married state?"

"Oh no, " said Sylvia; "because in the married state everything isduty, but in love everything is done in perfect freedom of heart. Thisdifference communicates an indescribable soft balm to those caresseswhich are the flowers of love. "

"Cousin, let us change the conversation; it affects me more than didthe music. "

She called hastily to a servant to bring her boy to her, who came, andwhen Sylvia saw him, she exclaimed--

"Ah! the little dear, he is as beautiful as love. "

Then she kissed him heartily upon the forehead. 

"Come, my little one, " said the mother, as the child clambered intoher lap. "Thou art thy mother's blessing, her unclouded joy, thedelight of her every hour, her crown, her jewel, her own pure pearl, her spotless soul, her treasure, her morning and evening star, heronly flame, and her heart's darling. Give me thy hands, that I may eatthem; give me thine ears, that I may bite them; give me thy head, thatI may kiss thy curls. Be happy sweet flower of my body, that I may behappy too. "

"Ah! cousin, " said Sylvia, "you are speaking the language of love tohim. "

"Love is a child then?"

"Yes, cousin; therefore the heathen always portrayed him as a littleboy. "

And with many other remarks fertile in the imagery of love, the twopretty cousins amused themselves until supper time, playing with thechild. 

"Would you like to have another?" whispered Jehan, at an opportunemoment, into his cousin's ear, which he touched with his warm lips. 

"Ah! Sylvia! for that I would ensure a hundred years of purgatory, ifit would only please God to give me that joy. But in spite of thework, labour, and industry of my spouse, which causes me much pain, mywaist does not vary in size. Alas! It is nothing to have but onechild. If I hear the sound of a cry in the castle, my heart beatsready to burst. I fear man and beast alike for this innocent darling;I dread volts, passes, and manual exercises; in fact, I dreadeverything. I live not in myself, but in him alone. And, alas! I liketo endure these miseries, because when I fidget, and tremble, it is asign that my offspring is safe and sound. To be brief--for I am neverweary of talking on this subject--I believe that my breath is in him, and not in myself. "

With these words she hugged him to her breasts, as only mothers knowhow to hug children, with a spiritual force that is felt only in theirhearts. If you doubt this, watch a cat carrying her kittens in hermouth, not one of them gives a single mew. The youthful gallant, whohad certain fears about watering this fair, unfertile plain, wasreassured by this speech. He thought then that it would only befollowing the commandments of God to win this saint to love; and hethought right. At night Bertha asked her cousin--according to the oldcustom, to which the ladies of our day object--to keep her company inher big seigneurial bed. To which request Sylvia replied--in order tokeep up the role of a well-born maiden--that nothing would give hergreater pleasure. The curfew rang, and found the two cousins in achamber richly ornamented with carpeting, fringes, and royaltapestries, and Bertha began gracefully to disarray herself, assistedby her women. You can imagine that her companion modestly declinedtheir services, and told her cousin, with a little blush, that she wasaccustomed to undress herself ever since she had lost the services ofher dearly beloved, who had put her out of conceit with femininefingers by his gentle ways; that these preparations brought back thepretty speeches he used to make, and his merry pranks while playingthe lady's-maid; and that to her injury, the memory of all thesethings brought the water into her mouth. 

This discourse considerably astonished the lady Bertha, who let hercousin say her prayers, and make other preparations for the nightbeneath the curtains of the bed, into which my lord, inflamed withdesire, soon tumbled, happy at being able to catch an occasionalglimpse of the wondrous charms of the chatelaine, which were in no wayinjured. Bertha, believing herself to be with an experienced girl, didnot omit any of the usual practices; she washed her feet, not mindingwhether she raised them little or much, exposed her delicate littleshoulders, and did as all the ladies do when they are retiring torest. At last she came to bed, and settled herself comfortably in it, kissing her cousin on the lips, which she found remarkably warm. 

"Are you unwell, Sylvia, that you burn so?" said she. 

"I always burn like that when I go to bed, " replied her companion, "because at that time there comes back to my memory the pretty littletricks that he invented to please me, and which make me burn stillmore. "

"Ah! cousin, tell me all about this he. Tell all the sweets of love tome, who live beneath the shadow of a hoary head, of which the snowskeep me from such warm feelings. Tell me all; you are cured. It willbe a good warning to me, and then your misfortunes will have been asalutary lesson to two poor weak women. "

"I do not know I ought to obey you, sweet cousin, " said the youth. 

"Tell me, why not?"

"Ah! deeds are better than words, " said the false maiden, heaving adeep sigh as the _ut_ of an organ. "But I am afraid that this milordhas encumbered me with so much joy that you may get a little of it, which would be enough to give you a daughter, since the power ofengendering is weakened in me. "

"But, " said Bertha, "between us, would it be a sin?"

"It would be, on the contrary, a joy both here and in heaven; theangels would shed their fragrance around you, and make sweet music inyour ears. "

"Tell me quickly, then, " said Bertha. 

"Well, then, this is how my dear lord made my heart rejoice. "

With these words Jehan took Bertha in his arms, and strained herhungering to his heart, for in the soft light of the lamp, and clothedwith the spotless linen, she was in this tempting bed, like the prettypetals of a lily at the bottom of the virgin calyx. 

"When he held me as I hold thee he said to me, with a voice farsweeter than mine, 'Ah, Bertha, thou art my eternal love, my pricelesstreasure, my joy by day and my joy by night; thou art fairer than theday is day; there is naught so pretty as thou art. I love thee morethan God, and would endure a thousand deaths for the happiness I askof thee!' Then he would kiss me, not after the manner of husbands, which is rough, but in a peculiar dove-like fashion. "

To show her there and then how much better was the method of lovers, he sucked all the honey from Bertha's lips, and taught her how, withher pretty tongue, small and rosy as that of a cat, she could speak tothe heart without saying a single word, and becoming exhausted at thisgame, Jehan spread the fire of his kisses from the mouth to the neck, from the neck to the sweetest forms that ever a woman gave a child toslake its thirst upon. And whoever had been in his place would havethought himself a wicked man not to imitate him. 

"Ah!" said Bertha, fast bound in love without knowing it; "this isbetter. I must take care to tell Imbert about it. "

"Are you in your proper senses, cousin? Say nothing about it to yourold husband. How could he make his hands pleasant like mine? They areas hard as washerwoman's beetles, and his piebald beard would hardlyplease this centre of bliss, that rose in which lies our wealth, oursubstance, our loves, and our fortune. Do you know that it is a livingflower, which should be fondled thus, and not used like a trombone, oras if it were a catapult of war? Now this was the gentle way of mybeloved Englishman. "

Thus saying, the handsome youth comported himself so bravely in thebattle that victory crowned his efforts, and poor innocent Berthaexclaimed--

"Ah! cousin, the angels are come! but so beautiful is the music, thatI hear nothing else, and so flaming are their luminous rays, that myeyes are closing. "

And, indeed, she fainted under the burden of those joys of love whichburst forth in her like the highest notes of the organ, whichglistened like the most magnificent aurora, which flowed in her veinslike the finest musk, and loosened the liens of her life in giving hera child of love, who made a great deal of confusion in taking up hisquarters. Finally, Bertha imagined herself to be in Paradise, so happydid she feel; and woke from this beautiful dream in the arms of Jehan, exclaiming--

"Ah! who would not have been married in England!"

"My sweet mistress, " said Jehan, whose ecstasy was sooner over, "youare married to me in France, where things are managed still better, for I am a man who would give a thousand lives for you if he hadthem. "

Poor Bertha gave a shriek so sharp that it pierced the walls, andleapt out of bed like a mountebank of the plains of Egypt would havedone. She fell upon her knees before her _Prie-Dieu_, joined herhands, and wept more pearls than ever Mary Magdalene wore. 

"Ah! I am dead" she cried; "I am deceived by a devil who has taken theface of an angel. I am lost; I am the mother for certain of abeautiful child, without being more guilty than you, Madame theVirgin. Implore the pardon of God for me, if I have not that of menupon earth; or let me die, so that I may not blush before my lord andmaster. "

Hearing that she said nothing against him, Jehan rose, quite aghast tosee Bertha take this charming dance for two so to heart. But themoment she heard her Gabriel moving she sprang quickly to her feet, regarded him with a tearful face, and her eye illumined with a holyanger, which made her more lovely to look upon, exclaimed--

"If you advance a single step towards me, I will make one towardsdeath!"

And she took her stiletto in her hand. 

So heartrending was the tragic spectacle of her grief that Jehananswered her--

"It is not for thee but for me to die, my dear, beautiful mistress, more dearly loved than will ever woman be again upon this earth. "

"If you had truly loved me you would not have killed me as you have, for I will die sooner than be reproached by my husband. "

"Will you die?" said he. 

"Assuredly, " said she. 

"Now, if I am here pierced with a thousand blows, you will have yourhusband's pardon, to whom you will say that if your innocence wassurprised, you have avenged his honour by killing the man who haddeceived you; and it will be the greatest happiness that could everbefall me to die for you, the moment you refuse to live for me. "

Hearing this tender discourse spoken with tears, Bertha dropped thedagger; Jehan sprang upon it, and thrust it into his breast, saying--

"Such happiness can be paid for but with death. "

And fell stiff and stark. 

Bertha, terrified, called aloud for her maid. The servant came, andterribly alarmed to see a wounded man in Madame's chamber, and Madameholding him up, crying and saying, "What have you done, my love?"because she believed he was dead, and remembered her vanished joys, and thought how beautiful Jehan must be, since everyone, even Imbert, believed him to be a girl. In her sorrow she confessed all to hermaid, sobbing and crying out, "that it was quite enough to have uponher mind the life of a child without having the death of a man aswell. " Hearing this the poor lover tried to open his eyes, and onlysucceeded in showing a little bit of the white of them. 

"Ha! Madame, don't cry out, " said the servant, "let us keep our sensestogether and save this pretty knight. I will go and seek La Fallotte, in order not to let any physician or surgeon into the secret, and asshe is a sorceress she will, to please Madame, perform the miracle ofhealing this wound so not a trace of it shall remain. 

"Run!" replied Bertha. "I will love you, and will pay you well forthis assistance. "

But before anything else was done the lady and her maid agreed to besilent about this adventure, and hide Jehan from every eye. Then theservant went out into the night to seek La Fallotte, and wasaccompanied by her mistress as far as the postern, because the guardcould not raise the portcullis without Bertha's special order. Berthafound on going back that her lover had fainted, for the blood wasflowing from the wound. At the sight she drank a little of his blood, thinking that Jehan had shed it for her. Affected by this great loveand by the danger, she kissed this pretty varlet of pleasure on theface, bound up his wound, bathing it with her tears, beseeching himnot to die, and exclaiming that if he would live she would love himwith all her heart. You can imagine that the chatelaine became stillmore enamoured while observing what a difference there was between ayoung knight like Jehan, white, downy, and agreeable, and an oldfellow like Imbert, bristly, yellow, and wrinkled. This differencebrought back to her memory that which she had found in the pleasure oflove. Moved by this souvenir, her kisses became so warm that Jehancame back to his senses, his look improved, and he could see Bertha, from whom in a feeble voice he asked forgiveness. But Bertha forbadehim to speak until La Fallotte had arrived. Then both of them consumedthe time by loving each other with their eyes, since in those ofBertha there was nothing but compassion, and on these occasions pityis akin to love. 

La Fallotte was a hunchback, vehemently suspected of dealings innecromancy, and of riding to nocturnal orgies on a broomstick, according to the custom of witches. Certain persons had seen herputting the harness on her broom in the stable, which, as everyoneknows is on the housetops. To tell the truth, she possessed certainmedical secrets, and was of such great service to ladies in certainthings, and to the nobles, that she lived in perfect tranquillity, without giving up the ghost on a pile of fagots, but on a feather bed, for she had made a hatful of money, although the physicians tormentedher by declaring that she sold poisons, which was certainly true, aswill be shown in the sequel. The servant and La Fallotte came on thesame ass, making such haste that they arrived at the castle before theday had fully dawned. 

The old hunchback exclaimed, as she entered the chamber, "Now then, mychildren, what is the matter?"

This was her manner, which was familiar with great people, whoappeared very small to her. She put on her spectacles, and carefullyexamined the wound, saying--

"This is fine blood, my dear; you have tasted it. That's all right, hehas bled externally. "

Then she washed the wound with a fine sponge, under the nose of thelady and the servant, who held their breath. To be brief, Fallottegave it as her medical opinion, that the youth would not die from thisblow, "although, " said she, looking at his hand, "he will come to aviolent end through this night's deed. "

This decree of chiromancy frightened considerably both Bertha and themaid. Fallotte prescribed certain remedies, and promised to come againthe following night. Indeed, she tended the wound for a wholefortnight, coming secretly at night-time. The people about the castlewere told by the servants that their young lady, Sylvia de Rohan, wasin danger of death, through a swelling of the stomach, which mustremain a mystery for the honour of Madame, who was her cousin. Eachone was satisfied with this story, of which his mouth was so full thathe told it to his fellows. 

The good people believe that it was the malady which was fraught withdanger; but it was not! it was the convalescence, for the strongerJehan grew, the weaker Bertha became, and so weak that she allowedherself to drift into that Paradise the gates of which Jehan hadopened for her. To be brief, she loved him more and more. But in themidst of her happiness, always mingled with apprehension at themenacing words of Fallotte, and tormented by her great religion, shewas in great fear of her husband, Imbert, to whom she was compelled towrite that he had given her a child, who would be ready to delight himon his return. Poor Bertha avoided her lover, Jehan, during the day onwhich she wrote the lying letter, over which she soaked herhandkerchief with tears. Finding himself avoided (for they hadpreviously left each other no more than fire leaves the wood it hasbitten) Jehan believed that she was beginning to hate him, andstraightway he cried too. In the evening Bertha, touched by his tears, which had left their mark upon his eyes, although he had well driedthem, told him the cause of her sorrow, mingling therewith herconfessions of her terrors for the future, pointing out to him howmuch they were both to blame, and discoursing so beautifully to him, gave utterance to such Christian sentences, ornamented with holy tearsand contrite prayers, that Jehan was touched to the quick by thesincerity of his mistress. This love innocently united to repentance, this nobility in sin, this mixture of weakness and strength, would, asthe old authors say, have changed the nature of a tiger, melting it topity. You will not be astonished then, that Jehan was compelled topledge his word as a knight-bachelor, to obey her in what ever sheshould command him, to save her in this world and in the next. Delighted at this confidence in her, and this goodness of heart, Bertha cast herself at Jehan's feet, and kissing them, exclaimed--

"Oh! my love, whom I am compelled to love, although it is a mortal sinto do so, thou who art so good, so gentle to thy poor Bertha, if thouwouldst have her always think of thee with pleasure, and stop thetorrent of her tears, whose source is so pretty and so pleasant (here, to show him that it was so, she let him steal a kiss)--Jehan, if thouwouldst that the memory of our celestial joys, angel music, and thefragrance of love should be a consolation to me in my lonelinessrather than a torment, do that which the Virgin commanded me to orderthee in a dream, in which I was beseeching her to direct me in thepresent case, for I had asked her to come to me, and she had come. Then I told her the horrible anguish I should endure, trembling forthis little one, whose movements I already feel, and for the realfather, who would be at the mercy of the other, and might expiate hispaternity by a violent death, since it is possible that La Fallottesaw clearly into his future life. Then the beautiful Virgin told me, smiling, that the Church offered its forgiveness for our faults if wefollowed her commandments; that it was necessary to save one's selffrom the pains of hell, by reforming before Heaven became angry. Thenwith her finger she showed me a Jehan like thee, but dressed as thoushouldst be, and as thou wilt be, if thou does but love thy Berthawith a love eternal. "

Jehan assured her of his perfect obedience, and raised her, seatingher on his knee, and kissing her. The unhappy Bertha told him thenthat this garment was a monk's frock, and trembling besought him--almost fearing a refusal--to enter the Church, and retire toMarmoustier, beyond Tours, pledging him her word that she would granthim a last night, after which she would be neither for him nor foranyone else in the world again. And each year, as a reward for this, she would let him come to her one day, in order that he might see thechild. Jehan, bound by his oath, promised to obey his mistress, sayingthat by this means he would be faithful to her, and would experienceno joys of love but those tasted in her divine embrace, and would liveupon the dear remembrance of them. Hearing these sweet words, Berthadeclared to him that, however great might have been her sin, andwhatever God reserved for her, this happiness would enable her tosupport it, since she believed she had not fallen through a man, butthrough an angel. 

Then they returned to the nest which contained their love but only tobid a final adieu to all their lovely flowers. There can be but littledoubt that Seigneur Cupid had something to do with this festival, forno woman ever experienced such joy in any part of the world before, and no man ever took as much. The especial property of true love is acertain harmony, which brings it about that the more one gives, themore the other receives, and vice-versa, as in certain cases inmathematics, where things are multiplied by themselves without end. This problem can only be explained to unscientific people, by askingthem to look into their Venetian glasses, in which are to be seenthousands of faces produced by one alone. Thus, in the heart of twolovers, the roses of pleasure multiply within them in a manner whichcauses them to be astonished that so much joy can be contained, without anything bursting. Bertha and Jehan would have wished in thisnight to have finished their days, and thought, from the excessivelanguor which flowed in their veins, that love had resolved to bearthem away on his wings with the kiss of death; but they held out inspite of these numerous multiplications. 

On the morrow, as the return of Monsieur Imbert de Bastarnay was closeat hand, the lady Sylvia was compelled to depart. The poor girl lefther cousin, covering her with tears and with kisses; it was always herlast, but the last lasted till evening. Then he was compelled to leaveher, and he did leave her although the blood of his heart congealed, like the fallen wax of a Paschal candle. According to his promise, hewended his way towards Marmoustier, which he entered towards theeleventh hour of the day, and was placed among the novices. Monseigneur de Bastarnay was informed that Sylvia had returned to theLord which is the signification of le Seigneur in the Englishlanguage; and therefore in this Bertha did not lie. 

The joy of her husband, when he saw Bertha without her waistband--shecould not wear it, so much had she increased in size--commenced themartyrdom of this poor woman, who did not know how to deceive, andwho, at each false word, went to her Prie-Dieu, wept her blood awayfrom her eyes in tears, burst into prayers, and recommended herself tothe graces of Messieurs the Saints in paradise. It happened that shecried so loudly to God that He heard her, because He hears everything;He hears the stones that roll beneath the waters, the poor who groan, and the flies who wing their way through the air. It is well that youshould know this, otherwise you would not believe in what happened. God commanded the archangel Michael to make for this penitent a hellupon earth, so that she might enter without dispute into Paradise. Then St. Michael descended from the skies as far as the gate of hell, and handed over this triple soul to the devil, telling him that he hadpermission to torment it during the rest of her days, at the same timeindicating to him Bertha, Jehan and the child. 

The devil, who by the will of God, is lord of all evil, told thearchangel that he would obey the message. During this heavenlyarrangement life went on as usual here below. The sweet lady ofBastarnay gave the most beautiful child in the world to the SireImbert, a boy all lilies and roses, of great intelligence, like alittle Jesus, merry and arch as a pagan love. He became more beautifulday by day, while the elder was turning into an ape, like his father, whom he painfully resembled. The younger boy was as bright as a star, and resembled his father and mother, whose corporeal and spiritualperfections had produced a compound of illustrious graces andmarvellous intelligence. Seeing this perpetual miracle of body andmind blended with the essential conditions, Bastarnay declared thatfor his eternal salvation he would like to make the younger the elder, and that he would do with the king's protection. Bertha did not knowwhat to do, for she adored the child of Jehan, and could only feel afeeble affection for the other, whom, nevertheless she protectedagainst the evil intentions of the old fellow, Bastarnay. 

Bertha, satisfied with the way things were going, quieted herconscience with falsehood, and thought that all danger was past, sincetwelve years had elapsed with no other alloy than the doubt which attimes embittered her joy. Each year, according to her pledged faith, the monk of Marmoustier, who was unknown to everyone except theservant-maid, came to pass a whole day at the chateau to see hischild, although Bertha had many times besought brother Jehan to yieldhis right. But Jehan pointed to the child, saying, "You see him everyday of the year, and I only once!" And the poor mother could find noword to answer this speech with. 

A few months before the last rebellion of the Dauphin Louis againsthis father, the boy was treading closely on the heels of his twelfthyear, and appeared likely to become a great savant, so learned was hein all the sciences. Old Bastarnay had never been more delighted athaving been a father in his life, and resolved to take his son withhim to the Court of Burgundy, where Duke Charles promised to make forthis well-beloved son a position, which should be the envy of princes, for he was not at all averse to clever people. Seeing matters thusarranged, the devil judged the time to be ripe for his mischiefs. Hetook his tail and flapped it right into the middle of this happiness, so that he could stir it up in his own peculiar way. 

IIIHORRIBLE CHASTISEMENT OF BERTHA AND EXPIATION OF THE SAME, WHO DIED PARDONED

The servant of the lady of Bastarnay, who was then aboutfive-and-thirty years old, fell in love with one of the master'smen-at-arms, and was silly enough to let him take loaves out of theoven, until there resulted therefrom a natural swelling, which certainwags in these parts call a nine months' dropsy. The poor woman beggedher mistress to intercede for her with the master, so that he mightcompel this wicked man to finish at the altar that which he hadcommenced elsewhere. Madame de Bastarnay had no difficulty in obtainingthis favour from him, and the servant was quite satisfied. But the oldwarrior, who was always extremely rough, hastened into his pretorium, and blew him up sky-high, ordering him, under the pain of the gallows, to marry the girl; which the soldier preferred to do, thinking more ofhis neck than of his peace of mind. 

Bastarnay sent also for the female, to whom he imagined, for thehonour of his house, he ought to sing a litany, mixed with epithetsand ornamented with extremely strong expressions, and made her think, by way of punishment, that she was not going to be married, but flunginto one of the cells in the jail. The girl fancied that Madame wantedto get rid of her, in order to inter the secret of the birth of herbeloved son. With this impression, when the old ape said suchoutrageous things to her--namely, that he must have been a fool tokeep a harlot in his house--she replied that he certainly was a verybig fool, seeing that for a long time past his wife had been playedthe harlot, and with a monk too, which was the worst thing that couldhappen to a warrior. 

Think of the greatest storm you ever saw it in your life, and you willhave a weak sketch of the furious rage into which the old man fell, when thus assailed in a portion of his heart which was a triple life. He seized the girl by the throat, and would have killed her there andthen, but she, to prove her story, detailed the how, the why, and thewhen, and said that if he had no faith in her, he could have theevidence of his own ears by hiding himself the day that Father Jehande Sacchez, the prior of Marmoustier, came. He would then hear thewords of the father, who solaced herself for his year's fast, and inone day kissed his son for the rest of the year. 

Imbert ordered this woman instantly to leave the castle, since, if heraccusation were true, he would kill her just as though she hadinvented a tissue of lies. In an instant he had given her a hundredcrowns, besides her man, enjoining them not to sleep in Touraine; andfor greater security, they were conducted into Burgundy, by deBastarnay's officers. He informed his wife of their departure, saying, that as her servant was a damaged article he had thought it best toget rid of her, but had given her a hundred crowns, and foundemployment for the man at the Court of Burgundy. Bertha was astonishedto learn that her maid had left the castle without receiving herdismissal from herself, her mistress; but she said nothing. Soonafterwards she had other fish to fry, for she became a prey to vagueapprehensions, because her husband completely changed in his manner, commenced to notice the likeness of his first-born to himself, andcould find nothing resembling his nose, or his forehead, his this, orhis that, in the youngest he loved so well. 

"He is my very image, " replied Bertha one day that he was throwing outthese hints. "Know you not that in well regulated households, childrenare formed from the father and mother, each in turn, or often fromboth together, because the mother mingles her qualities with the vitalforce of the father? Some physicians declare that they have known manychildren born without any resemblance to either father or mother, andattribute these mysteries to the whim of the Almighty. "

"You have become very learned, my dear, " replied Bastarnay; "but I, who am an ignoramus, I should fancy that a child who resembles amonk--"

"Had a monk for a father!" said Bertha, looking at him with anunflinching gaze, although ice rather than blood was coursing throughher veins. 

The old fellow thought he was mistaken, and cursed the servant; but hewas none the less determined to make sure of the affair. As the day ofFather Jehan's visit was close at hand, Bertha, whose suspicions werearoused by this speech, wrote him that it was her wish that he shouldnot come this year, without, however, telling him her reason; then shewent in search of La Fallotte at Loches, who was to give her letter toJehan, and believed everything was safe for the present. She was allthe more pleased at having written to her friend the prior, whenImbert, who, towards the time appointed for the poor monk's annualtreat, had always been accustomed to take a journey into the provinceof Maine, where he had considerable property, remained this time athome, giving as his reason the preparations for rebellion whichmonseigneur Louis was then making against his father, who as everyoneknows, was so cut up at this revolt that it caused his death. Thisreason was so good a one, that poor Bertha was quite satisfied withit, and did not trouble herself. On the regular day, however, theprior arrived as usual. Bertha seeing him, turned pale, and asked himif he had not received her message. 

"What message?" said Jehan. 

"Ah! we are lost then; the child, thou, and I, " replied Bertha. 

"Why so?" said the prior. 

"I know not, " said she; "but our last day has come. "

She inquired of her dearly beloved son where Bastarnay was. The youngman told her that his father had been sent for by a special messengerto Loches, and would not be back until evening. Thereupon Jehanwished, is spite of his mistress, to remain with her and his dear son, asserting that no harm would come of it, after the lapse of twelveyears, since the birth of their boy. 

The days when that adventurous night you know of was celebrated, Bertha stayed in her room with the poor monk until supper time. But onthis occasion the lovers--hastened by the apprehensions of Bertha, which was shared by Jehan directly she had informed him of them--dinedimmediately, although the prior of Marmoustier reassured Bertha bypointing out to her the privileges of the Church, and how Bastarnay, already in bad odour at court, would be afraid to attack a dignitaryof Marmoustier. When they were sitting down to table their little onehappened to be playing, and in spite of the reiterated prayers of hismother, would not stop his games, since he was galloping about thecourtyard on a fine Spanish barb, which Duke Charles of Burgundy hadpresented to Bastarnay. And because young lads like to show off, varlets make themselves bachelors at arms, and bachelors wish to playthe knight, this boy was delighted at being able to show the monk whata man he was becoming; he made the horse jump like a flea in thebedclothes, and sat as steady as a trooper in the saddle. 

"Let him have his way, my darling, " said the monk to Bertha. "Disobedient children often become great characters. "

Bertha ate sparingly, for her heart was as swollen as a sponge inwater. At the first mouthful, the monk, who was a great scholar, feltin his stomach a pain, and on his palette a bitter taste of poisonthat caused him to suspect that the Sire de Bastarnay had given themall their quietus. Before he had made this discovery Bertha had eaten. Suddenly the monk pulled off the tablecloth and flung everything intothe fireplace, telling Bertha his suspicion. Bertha thanked the Virginthat her son had been so taken up with his sport. Retaining hispresence of mind, Jehan, who had not forgotten the lesson he hadlearned as a page, leaped into the courtyard, lifted his son from thehorse, sprang across it himself, and flew across the country with suchspeed that you would have thought him a shooting-star if you had seenhim digging the spurs into the horse's bleeding flanks, and he was atLoches in Fallotte's house in the same space of time that only thedevil could have done the journey. He stated the case to her in twowords, for the poison was already frying his marrow, and requested herto give him an antidote. 

"Alas, " said the sorceress, "had I known that it was for you I wasgiving this poison, I would have received in my breast the dagger'spoint, with which I was threatened, and would have sacrificed my poorlife to save that of a man of God, and of the sweetest woman that everblossomed on this earth; for alas! my dear friend, I have only twodrops of the counter-poison that you see in this phial. "

"Is there enough for her?"

"Yes, but go at once, " said the old hag. 

The monk came back more quickly that he went, so that the horse diedunder him in the courtyard. He rushed into the room where Bertha, believing her last hour to be come, was kissing her son, and writhinglike a lizard in the fire, uttering no cry for herself, but for thechild, left to the wrath of Bastarnay, forgetting her own agony at thethought of his cruel future. 

"Take this, " said the monk; "my life is saved!"

Jehan had the great courage to say these words with an unmoved face, although he felt the claws of death seizing his heart. Hardly hadBertha drunk when the prior fell dead, not, however, without kissinghis son, and regarding his dear lady with an eye that changed not evenafter his last sigh. This sight turned her as cold as marble, andterrified her so much that she remained rigid before this dead man, stretched at her feet, pressing the hand of her child, who wept, although her own eye was as dry as the Red Sea when the Hebrewscrossed it under the leadership of Baron Moses, for it seemed to herthat she had sharp sand rolling under her eyelids. Pray for her, yecharitable souls, for never was woman so agonised, in divining thather lover has saved her life at the expense of his own. Aided by herson, she herself placed the monk in the middle of the bed, and stoodby the side of it, praying with the boy, whom she then told that theprior was his true father. In this state she waited her evil hour, andher evil hour did not take long in coming, for towards the eleventhhour Bastarnay arrived, and was informed at the portcullis that themonk was dead, and not Madame and the child, and he saw his beautifulSpanish horse lying dead. Thereupon, seized with a furious desire toslay Bertha and the monk's bastard, he sprang up the stairs with onebound; but at the sight of the corpse, for whom his wife and her sonrepeated incessant litanies, having no ears for his torrent ofinvective, having no eyes for his writhings and threats, he had nolonger the courage to perpetrate this dark deed. After the first furyof his rage had passed, he could not bring himself to it, and quittedthe room like a coward and a man taken in crime, stung to the quick bythose prayers continuously said for the monk. The night was passed intears, groans, and prayers. 

By an express order from Madame, her servant had been to Loches topurchase for her the attire of a young lady of quality, and for herpoor child a horse and the arms of an esquire; noticing which theSieur de Bastarnay was much astonished. He sent for Madame and themonk's son, but neither mother nor child returned any answer, butquietly put on the clothes purchased by the servant. By Madame's orderthis servant made up the account of her effects, arranged her clothes, purples, jewels, and diamonds, as the property of a widow is arrangedwhen she renounces her rights. Bertha ordered even her alms-purse beincluded, in order that the ceremony might be perfect. The report ofthese preparations ran through the house, and everyone knew then thatthe mistress was about to leave it, a circumstance that filled everyheart with sorrow, even that of a little scullion, who had only been aweek in the place, but to whom Madame had already given a kind word. 

Frightened at these preparations, old Bastarnay came into her chamber, and found her weeping over the body of Jehan, for the tears had comeat last; but she dried them directly she perceived her husband. To hisnumerous questions she replied briefly by the confession of her fault, telling him how she had been duped, how the poor page had beendistressed, showing him upon the corpse the mark of the poniard wound;how long he had been getting well; and how, in obedience to her, andfrom penitence towards God, he had entered the Church, abandoning theglorious career of a knight, putting an end to his name, which wascertainly worse than death; how she, while avenging her honour, hadthought that even God himself would not have refused the monk one dayin the year to see the son for whom he had sacrificed everything; how, not wishing to live with a murderer, she was about to quit his house, leaving all her property behind her; because, if the honour of theBastarnays was stained, it was not she who had brought the shameabout; because in this calamity she had arranged matters as best shecould; finally, she added a vow to go over mountain and valley, sheand her son, until all was expiated, for she knew how to expiate all. 

Having with noble mien and a pale face uttered these beautiful words, she took her child by the hand and went out in great mourning, moremagnificently beautiful than was Mademoiselle Hagar on her departurefrom the residence of the patriarch Abraham, and so proudly, that allthe servants and retainers fell on their knees as she passed along, imploring her with joined hands, like Notre Dame de la Riche. It waspitiful to see the Sieur de Bastarnay following her, ashamed, weeping, confessing himself to blame, and downcast and despairing, like a manbeing led to the gallows, there to be turned off. 

And Bertha turned a deaf ear to everything. The desolation was sogreat that she found the drawbridge lowered, and hastened to quit thecastle, fearing that it might be suddenly raised again; but no one hadthe right or the heart to do it. She sat down on the curb of the moat, in view of the whole castle, who begged her, with tears, to stay. Thepoor sire was standing with his hand upon the chain of the portcullis, as silent as the stone saints carved above the door. He saw Berthaorder her son to shake the dust from his shoes at the end of thebridge, in order to have nothing belonging to Bastarnay about him; andshe did likewise. Then, indicating the sire to her son with herfinger, she spoke to him as follows--

"Child, behold the murderer of thy father, who was, as thou art aware, the poor prior; but thou hast taken the name of this man. Give it himback here, even as thou leavest the dust taken by the shoes from hiscastle. For the food that thou hast had in the castle, by God's helpwe will also settle. "

Hearing this, Bastarnay would have let his wife receive a wholemonastery of monks in order not to be abandoned by her, and by a youngsquire capable of becoming the honour of his house, and remained withhis head sunk down against the chains. 

The heart of Bertha was suddenly filled with holy solace, for thebanner of the great monastery turned the corner of a road across thefields, and appeared accompanied by the chants of the Church, whichburst forth like heavenly music. The monks, informed of the murderperpetrated on their well-beloved prior, came in procession, assistedby the ecclesiastical justice, to claim his body. When he saw this, the Sire de Bastarnay had barely that time to make for the posternwith his men, and set out towards Monseigneur Louis, leavingeverything in confusion. 

Poor Bertha, en croup behind her son, came to Montbazon to bid herfather farewell, telling him that this blow would be her death, andwas consoled by those of her family who endeavoured to raise herspirits, but were unable to do so. The old Sire de Rohan presented hisgrandson with a splendid suit of armour, telling him to acquire gloryand honour that he might turn his mother's faults into eternal renown. But Madame de Bastarnay had implanted in the mind of her dear son noother idea than of atoning for the harm done, in order to save her andJehan from eternal damnation. Both then set out for the places then ina state of rebellion, in order to render such service to Bastarnaythat he would receive from them more than life itself. 

Now the heat of the sedition was, as everyone knows, in theneighbourhood of Angouleme, and of Bordeaux in Guienne, and otherparts of the kingdom, where great battles and severe conflicts betweenthe rebels and the royal armies was likely to take place. Theprincipal one which finished the war was given between Ruffec andAngouleme, where all the prisoners taken were tried and hanged. Thisbattle, commanded by old Bastarnay, took place in the month ofNovember, seven months after the poisoning of Jehan. Now the Baronknew that his head had been strongly recommended as one to be cut off, he being the right hand of Monsiegneur Louis. Directly his men beganto fall back, the old fellow found himself surrounded by six mendetermined to seize him. Then he understood that they wished to takehim alive, in order to proceed against his house, ruin his name, andconfiscate his property. The poor sire preferred rather to die andsave his family, and present the domains to his son. He defendedhimself like the brave old lion that he was. In spite of their number, these said soldiers, seeing three of their comrades fall, were obligedto attack Bastarnay at the risk of killing him, and threw themselvestogether upon him, after having laid low two of his equerries and apage. 

In this extreme danger an esquire wearing the arms of Rohan, fell uponthe assailants like a thunderbolt, and killed two of them, crying, "God save the Bastarnays!" The third man-at-arms, who had alreadyseized old Bastarnay, was so hard pressed by this squire, that he wasobliged to leave the elder and turn against the younger, to whom hegave a thrust with his dagger through a flaw in his armour. Bastarnaywas too good a comrade to fly without assisting the liberator of hishouse, who was badly wounded. With a blow of his mace he killed theman-at-arms, seized the squire, lifted him on to his horse, and gainedthe open, accompanied by a guide, who led him to the castle ofRoche-Foucauld, which he entered by night, and found in the great roomBertha de Rohan, who had arranged this retreat for him. But onremoving the helmet of his rescuer, he recognised the son of Jehan, who expired upon the table, as by a final effort he kissed his mother, and saying in a loud voice to her--

"Mother, we have paid the debt we owed him!"

Hearing these words, the mother clasped the body of her loved child toher heart, and separated from him never again, for she died of grief, without hearing or heeding the pardon and repentance of Bastarnay. 

The strange calamity hastened the last day of the poor old man, whodid not live to see the coronation of King Louis the Eleventh. Hefounded a daily mass in the Church of Roche-Foucauld, where in thesame grave he placed mother and son, with a large tombstone, uponwhich their lives are much honoured in the Latin language. 

The morals which any one can deduce from this history are the mostprofitable for the conduct of life, since this shows how gentlemenshould be courteous with the dearly beloveds of their wives. Further, it teaches us that all children are blessings sent by God Himself, andover them fathers, whether true or false, have no right of murder, aswas formerly the case at Rome, owing to a heathen and abominable law, which ill became that Christianity which makes us all sons of God. 

 HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE

The Maid of Portillon, who became as everyone knows, La Tascherette, was, before she became a dyer, a laundress at the said place ofPortillon, from which she took her name. If any there be who do notknow Tours, it may be as well to state that Portillon is down theLoire, on the same side as St. Cyr, about as far from the bridge whichleads to the cathedral of Tours as said bridge is distant fromMarmoustier, since the bridge is in the centre of the embankmentbetween Portillon and Marmoustier. Do you thoroughly understand?

Yes? Good! Now the maid had there her washhouse, from which she ran tothe Loire with her washing in a second and took the ferry-boat to getto St. Martin, which was on the other side of the river, for she hadto deliver the greater part of her work in Chateauneuf and otherplaces. 

About Midsummer day, seven years before marrying old Taschereau, shehad just reached the right age to be loved, without making a choicefrom any of the lads who pursued her with their intentions. Althoughthere used to come to the bench under her window the son of Rabelais, who had seven boats on the Loire, Jehan's eldest, Marchandeau thetailor, and Peccard the ecclesiastical goldsmith, she made fun of themall, because she wished to be taken to church before burtheningherself with a man, which proves that she was an honest woman untilshe was wheedled out of her virtue. She was one of those girls whotake great care not to be contaminated, but who, if by chance they getdeceived, let things take their course, thinking that for one stain orfor fifty a good polishing up is necessary. These characters demandour indulgence. 

A young noble of the court perceived her one day when she was crossingthe water in the glare of the noonday sun, which lit up her amplecharms, and seeing her, asked who she was. An old man, who was workingon the banks, told him she was called the Pretty Maid of Portillon, alaundress, celebrated for her merry ways and her virtue. This younglord, besides ruffles to starch, had many precious draperies andthings; he resolved to give the custom of his house to this girl, whomhe stopped on the road. He was thanked by her and heartily, because hewas the Sire du Fou, the king's chamberlain. This encounter made herso joyful that her mouth was full of his name. She talked about it agreat deal to the people of St. Martin, and when she got back to thewashhouse was still full of it, and on the morrow at her work hertongue went nineteen to the dozen, and all on the same subject, sothat as much was said concerning my Lord du Fou in Portillon as of Godin a sermon; that is, a great deal too much. 

"If she works like that in cold water, what will she do in warm?" saidan old washerwoman. "She wants du Fou; he'll give her du Fou!"

The first time this giddy wench, with her head full of Monsieur duFou, had to deliver the linen at his hotel, the chamberlain wished tosee her, and was very profuse in praises and compliments concerningher charms, and wound up by telling her that she was not at all sillyto be beautiful, and therefore he would give her more than sheexpected. The deed followed the word, for the moment his people wereout of the room, he began to caress the maid, who thinking he wasabout to take out the money from his purse, dared not look at thepurse, but said, like a girl ashamed to take her wages--

"It will be for the first time. "

"It will be soon, " said he. 

Some people say that he had great difficulty in forcing her to acceptwhat he offered her, and hardly forced her at all; others that heforced her badly, because she came out like an army flagging on theroute, crying and groaning, and came to the judge. It happened thatthe judge was out. La Portillone awaited his return in his room, weeping and saying to the servant that she had been robbed, becauseMonseigneur du Fou had given her nothing but his mischief; whilst acanon of the Chapter used to give her large sums for that which M. DuFou wanted for nothing. If she loved a man she would think it wise todo things for him for nothing, because it would be a pleasure to her;but the chamberlain had treated her roughly, and not kindly andgently, as he should have done, and that therefore he owed her thethousand crowns of the canon. Then the judge came in, saw the wench, and wished to kiss her, but she put herself on guard, and said she hadcome to make a complaint. The judge replied that certainly she couldhave the offender hanged if she liked, because he was most anxious toserve her. The injured maiden replied that she did not wish the deathof her man, but that he should pay her a thousand gold crowns, becauseshe had been robbed against her will. 

"Ha! ha!" said the judge, "what he took was worth more than that. "

"For the thousand crowns I'll cry quits, because I shall be able tolive without washing. "

"He who has robbed you, is he well off?"

"Oh yes. "

"Then he shall pay dearly for it. Who is it?"

"Monseigneur du Fou. "

"Oh, that alters the case, " said the judge. 

"But justice?" said she. 

"I said the case, not the justice of it, " replied the judge. "I mustknow how the affair occurred. "

Then the girl related naively how she was arranging the young lord'sruffles in his wardrobe, when he began to play with her skirt, and sheturned round saying--

"Go on with you!"

"You have no case, " said the judge, "for by that speech he thoughtthat you gave him leave to go on. Ha! ha!"

Then she declared that she had defended herself, weeping and cryingout, and that that constitutes an assault. 

"A wench's antics to incite him, " said the judge. 

Finally, La Portillone declared that against her will she had beentaken round the waist and thrown, although she had kicked and criedand struggled, but that seeing no help at hand, she had lost courage. 

"Good! good!" said the judge. "Did you take pleasure in the affair?"

"No, " said she. "My anguish can only be paid for with a thousandcrowns. "

"My dear, " said the judge, "I cannot receive your complaint, because Ibelieve no girl could be thus treated against her will. "

"Hi! hi! hi! Ask your servant, " said the little laundress, sobbing, "and hear what she'll tell you. "

The servant affirmed that there were pleasant assaults and unpleasantones; that if La Portillone had received neither amusement nor money, either one or the other was due to her. This wise counsel threw thejudge into a state of great perplexity. 

"Jacqueline, " said he, "before I sup I'll get to the bottom of this. Now go and fetch my needle and the red thread that I sew the law paperbags with. "

Jacqueline came back with a big needle, pierced with a pretty littlehole, and a big red thread, such as the judges use. Then she remainedstanding to see the question decided, very much disturbed, as was alsothe complainant at these mysterious preparations. 

"My dear, " said the judge, "I am going to hold the bodkin, of whichthe eye is sufficiently large, to put this thread into it withouttrouble. If you do put it in, I will take up your case, and will makeMonseigneur offer you a compromise. "

"What's that?" said she. "I will not allow it. "

"It is a word used in justice to signify an agreement. "

"A compromise is then agreeable with justice?" said La Portillone. 

"My dear, this violence has also opened your mind. Are you ready?"

"Yes, " said she. 

The waggish judge gave the poor nymph fair play, holding the eyesteady for her; but when she wished to slip in the thread that she hadtwisted to make straight, he moved a little, and the thread went onthe other side. She suspected the judge's argument, wetted the thread, stretched it, and came back again. The judge moved, twisted about, andwriggled like a bashful maiden; still this cursed thread would notenter. The girl kept trying at the eye, and the judge kept fidgeting. The marriage of the thread could not be consummated, the bodkinremained virgin, and the servant began to laugh, saying to LaPortillone that she knew better how to endure than to perform. Thenthe roguish judge laughed too, and the fair Portillone cried for hergolden crowns. 

"If you don't keep still, " cried she, losing patience; "if you keepmoving about I shall never be able to put the thread in. "

"Then, my dear, if you had done the same, Monseigneur would have beenunsuccessful too. Think, too, how easy is the one affair, and howdifficult the other. "

The pretty wench, who declared she had been forced, remainedthoughtful, and sought to find a means to convince the judge byshowing how she had been compelled to yield, since the honour of allpoor girls liable to violence was at stake. 

"Monseigneur, in order that the bet made the fair, I must do exactlyas the young lord did. If I had only had to move I should be movingstill, but he went through other performances. "

"Let us hear them, " replied the judge. 

Then La Portillone straightens the thread, and rubs it in the wax ofthe candle, to make it firm and straight; then she looked towards theeye of the bodkin, held by the judge, slipping always to the right orto the left. Then she began making endearing little speeches, such as, "Ah, the pretty little bodkin! What a pretty mark to aim at! Never didI see such a little jewel! What a pretty little eye! Let me put thislittle thread into it! Ah, you will hurt my poor thread, my nicelittle thread! Keep still! Come, my love of a judge, judge of my love!Won't the thread go nicely into this iron gate, which makes good useof the thread, for it comes out very much out of order?" Then sheburst out laughing, for she was better up in this game than the judge, who laughed too, so saucy and comical and arch was she, pushing thethread backwards and forwards. She kept the poor judge with the casein his hand until seven o'clock, keeping on fidgeting and moving aboutlike a schoolboy let loose; but as La Portillone kept on trying to putthe thread in, he could not help it. As, however, his joint wasburning, and his wrist was tired, he was obliged to rest himself for aminute on the side of the table; then very dexterously the fair maidof Portillon slipped the thread in, saying--

"That's how the thing occurred. "

"But my joint was burning. "

"So was mine, " said she. 

The judge, convinced, told La Portillone that he would speak toMonseigneur du Fou, and would himself carry the affair through, sinceit was certain the young lord had embraced her against her will, butthat for valid reasons he would keep the affair dark. On the morrowthe judge went to the Court and saw Monseigneur du Fou, to whom herecounted the young woman's complaint, and how she had set forth hercase. This complaint lodged in court, tickled the king immensely. Young du Fou having said that there was some truth in it, the kingasked if he had had much difficulty, and as he replied, innocently, "No, " the king declared the girl was quite worth a hundred goldcrowns, and the chamberlain gave them to the judge, in order not to betaxed with stinginess, and said the starch would be a good income toLa Portillone. The judge came back to La Portillone, and said, smiling, that he had raised a hundred gold crowns for her. But if shedesired the balance of the thousand, there were at that moment in theking's apartments certain lords who, knowing the case, had offered tomake up the sum for her, with her consent. The little hussy did notrefuse this offer, saying, that in order to do no more washing in thefuture she did not mind doing a little hard work now. She gratefullyacknowledged the trouble the good judge had taken, and gained herthousand crowns in a month. From this came the falsehoods and jokesconcerning her, because out of these ten lords jealousy made ahundred, whilst, differently from young men, La Portillone settleddown to a virtuous life directly she had her thousand crowns. Even aDuke, who would have counted out five hundred crowns, would have foundthis girl rebellious, which proves she was niggardly with herproperty. It is true that the king caused her to be sent for to hisretreat of Rue Quinquangrogne, on the mall of Chardonneret, found herextremely pretty, exceedingly affectionate, enjoyed her society, andforbade the sergeants to interfere with her in any way whatever. Seeing she was so beautiful, Nicole Beaupertuys, the king's mistress, gave her a hundred gold crowns to go to Orleans, in order to see ifthe colour of the Loire was the same there as at Portillon. She wentthere, and the more willingly because she did not care very much forthe king. When the good man came who confessed the king in his lasthours, and was afterwards canonised, La Portillone went to him topolish up her conscience, did penance, and founded a bed in theleper-house of St. Lazare-aux-Tours. Many ladies whom you know havebeen assaulted by more than two lords, and have founded no other bedsthan those in their own houses. It is as well to relate this fact, inorder to cleanse the reputation of this honest girl, who herself oncewashed dirty things, and who afterwards became famous for her clevertricks and her wit. She gave a proof of her merit in marryingTaschereau, who she cuckolded right merrily, as has been related in thestory of The Reproach. This proves to us most satisfactorily that withstrength and patience justice itself can be violated. 

 IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE

During the time when knights courteously offered to each other bothhelp and assistance in seeking their fortune, it happened that inSicily--which, as you are probably aware, is an island situated in thecorner of the Mediterranean Sea, and formerly celebrated--one knightmet in a wood another knight, who had the appearance of a Frenchman. Presumably, this Frenchman was by some chance stripped of everything, and was so wretchedly attired that but for his princely air he mighthave been taken for a blackguard. It was possible that his horse haddied of hunger or fatigue, on disembarking from the foreign shore forwhich he came, on the faith of the good luck which happened to theFrench in Sicily, which was true in every respect. 

The Sicilian knight, whose name was Pezare, was a Venetian long absentfrom the Venetian Republic, and with no desire to return there, sincehe had obtained a footing in the Court of the King of Sicily. Beingshort of funds in Venice, because he was a younger son, he had nofancy for commerce, and was for that reason eventually abandoned byhis family, a most illustrious one. He therefore remained at thisCourt, where he was much liked by the king. 

This gentleman was riding a splendid Spanish horse, and thinking tohimself how lonely he was in this strange court, without trustyfriends, and how in such cases fortune was harsh to helpless peopleand became a traitress, when he met the poor French knight, whoappeared far worse off that he, who had good weapons, a fine horse, and a mansion where servants were then preparing a sumptuous supper. 

"You must have come a long way to have so much dust on your feet, "said the Venetian. 

"My feet have not as much dust as the road was long, " answered theFrenchman. 

"If you have travelled so much, " continued the Venetian, "you must bea learned man. "

"I have learned, " replied the Frenchman, "to give no heed to those whodo not trouble about me. I have learnt that however high a man's headwas, his feet were always level with my own; more than that, I havelearnt to have no confidence in the warm days of winter, in the sleepof my enemies, or the words of my friends. "

"You are, then, richer than I am, " said the Venetian, astonished, "since you tell me things of which I never thought. "

"Everyone must think for himself, " said the Frenchman; "and as youhave interrogated me, I can request from you the kindness of pointingto me the road to Palermo or some inn, for the night is closing in. "

"Are you then, acquainted with no French or Sicilian gentlemen atPalermo?"

"No. "

"Then you are not certain of being received?"

"I am disposed to forgive those who reject me. The road, sir, if youplease. "

"I am lost like yourself, " said the Venetian. "Let us look for it incompany. "

"To do that we must go together; but you are on horseback, I am onfoot. "

The Venetian took the French knight on his saddle behind him, andsaid--

"Do you know with whom you are?"

"With a man, apparently. "

"Do you think you are in safety?"

"If you were a robber, you would have to take care of yourself, " saidthe Frenchman, putting the point of his dagger to the Venetian'sheart. 

"Well, now, my noble Frenchman, you appear to be a man of greatlearning and sound sense; know that I am a noble, established at theCourt of Sicily, but alone, and I seek a friend. You seem to be in thesame plight, and, judging from appearances, you do not seem friendlywith your lot, and have apparently need of everybody. "

"Should I be happier if everybody wanted me?"

"You are a devil, who turns every one of my words against me. By St. Mark! my lord knight, can one trust you?"

"More than yourself, who commenced our federal friendship by deceivingme, since you guide your horse like a man who knows his way, and yousaid you were lost. "

"And did not you deceive me?" said the Venetian, "by making a sage ofyour years walk, and giving a noble knight the appearance of avagabond? Here is my abode; my servants have prepared supper for us. "

The Frenchman jumped off the horse, and entered the house with theVenetian cavalier, accepting his supper. They both seated themselvesat the table. The Frenchman fought so well with his jaws, he twistedthe morsels with so much agility, that he showed herself equallylearned in suppers, and showed it again in dexterously draining thewine flasks without his eye becoming dimmed or his understandingaffected. Then you may be sure that the Venetian thought to himself hehad fallen in with a fine son of Adam, sprung from the right side andthe wrong one. While they were drinking together, the Venetianendeavoured to find some joint through which to sound the secretdepths of his friend's cogitations. He, however, clearly perceivedthat he would cast aside his shirt sooner than his prudence, andjudged it opportune to gain his esteem by opening his doublet to him. Therefore he told him in what state was Sicily, where reigned PrinceLeufroid and his gentle wife; how gallant was the Court, what courtesythere flourished, that there abounded many lords of Spain, Italy, France, and other countries, lords in high feather and well feathered;many princesses, as rich as noble, and as noble as rich; that thisprince had the loftiest aspirations--such as to conquer Morocco, Constantinople, Jerusalem, the lands of Soudan, and other Africanplaces. Certain men of vast minds conducted his affairs, bringingtogether the ban and arriere ban of the flower of Christian chivalry, and kept up his splendour with the idea of causing to reign over theMediterranean this Sicily, so opulent in times gone by, and of ruiningVenice, which had not a foot of land. These designs had been plantedin the king's mind by him, Pezare; but although he was high in thatprince's favour, he felt himself weak, had no assistance from thecourtiers, and desired to make a friend. In this great trouble he hadgone for a little ride to turn matters over in his mind, and decideupon the course to pursue. Now, since while in this idea he had met aman of so much sense as the chevalier had proved herself to be, heproposed to fraternise with him, to open his purse to him, and givehim his palace to live in. They would journey in company through lifein search of honours and pleasure, without concealing one singlethought, and would assist each other on all occasions as thebrothers-in-arms did at the Crusades. Now, as the Frenchman was seekinghis fortune, and required assistance, the Venetian did not for a momentexpect that this offer of mutual consolation would be refused. 

"Although I stand in need of no assistance, " said the Frenchman, "because I rely upon a point which will procure me all that I desire, I should like to acknowledge your courtesy, dear Chevalier Pezare. Youwill soon see that you will yet be the debtor of Gauttier deMonsoreau, a gentleman of the fair land of Touraine. "

"Do you possess any relic with which your fortune is wound up?" saidthe Venetian. 

"A talisman given me by my dear mother, " said the Touranian, "withwhich castles and cities are built and demolished, a hammer to coinmoney, a remedy for every ill, a traveller's staff always ready to betried, and worth most when in a state of readiness, a master tool, which executes wondrous works in all sorts of forges, without makingthe slightest noise. "

"Eh! by St. Mark you have, then, a mystery concealed in your hauberk?"

"No, " said the French knight; "it is a perfectly natural thing. Hereit is. "

And rising suddenly from the table to prepare for bed, Gauttier showedto the Venetian the finest talisman to procure joy that he had everseen. 

"This, " said the Frenchman, as they both got into bed together, according to the custom of the times, "overcomes every obstacle, bymaking itself master of female hearts; and as the ladies are thequeens in this court, your friend Gauttier will soon reign there. "

The Venetian remained in great astonishment at the sight of the secretcharms of the said Gauttier, who had indeed been bounteously endowedby his mother, and perhaps also by his father; and would thus triumphover everything, since he joined to this corporeal perfection the witof a young page, and the wisdom of an old devil. Then they swore aneternal friendship, regarding as nothing therein a woman's heart, vowing to have one and the same idea, as if their heads had been inthe same helmet; and they fell asleep on the same pillow enchantedwith this fraternity. This was a common occurrence in those days. 

On the morrow the Venetian gave a fine horse to his friend Gauttier, also a purse full of money, fine silken hose, a velvet doublet, fringed with gold, and an embroidered mantle, which garments set offhis figure so well, and showed up his beauties, that the Venetian wascertain he would captivate all the ladies. The servants receivedorders to obey this Gauttier as they would himself, so that theyfancied their master had been fishing, and had caught this Frenchman. Then the two friends made their entry into Palermo at the hour whenthe princes and princesses were taking the air. Pezare presented hisFrench friend, speaking so highly of his merits, and obtaining such agracious reception for him, that Leufroid kept him to supper. Theknight kept a sharp eye on the Court, and noticed therein variouscurious little secret practices. If the king was a brave and handsomeprince, the princess was a Spanish lady of high temperature, the mostbeautiful and most noble woman of his Court, but inclined tomelancholy. Looking at her, the Touranian believed that she wassparingly embraced by the king, for the law of Touraine is that joy inthe face comes from joy elsewhere. Pezare pointed out to his friendGauttier several ladies to whom Leufroid was exceedingly gracious andwho were exceedingly jealous and fought for him in a tournament ofgallantries and wonderful female inventions. From all this Gauttierconcluded that the prince went considerably astray with his court, although he had the prettiest wife in the world, and occupied himselfwith taxing the ladies of Sicily, in order that he might put his horsein their stables, vary his fodder, and learn the equestriancapabilities of many lands. Perceiving what a life Leufroid wasleading, the Sire de Monsoreau, certain that no one in the Court hadhad the heart to enlighten the queen, determined at one blow to planthis halberd in the field of the fair Spaniard by a master stroke; andthis is how. At supper-time, in order to show courtesy to the foreignknight, the king took care to place him near the queen, to whom thegallant Gauttier offered his arm, to take her into the room, andconducted her there hastily, to get ahead of those who were following, in order to whisper, first of all, a word concerning a subject whichalways pleases the ladies in whatever condition they may be. Imaginewhat this word was, and how it went straight through the stubble andweeds into the warm thicket of love. 

"I know, your majesty, what causes your paleness of face. "

"What?" said she. 

"You are so loving that the king loves you night and day; thus youabuse your advantage, for he will die of love. "

"What should I do to keep him alive?" said the queen. 

"Forbid him to repeat at your altar more than three prayers a day. "

"You are joking, after the French fashion, Sir Knight, seeing that theking's devotion to me does not extend beyond a short prayer a week. "

"You are deceived, " said Gauttier, seating himself at the table. "Ican prove to you that love should go through the whole mass, matins, and vespers, with an _Ave_ now and then, for queens as for simplewomen, and go through the ceremony every day, like the monks in theirmonastery, with fervour; but for you these litanies should neverfinish. "

The queen cast upon the knight a glance which was far from one ofdispleasure, smiled at him, and shook her head. 

"In this, " said she, "men are great liars. "

"I have with me a great truth which I will show you when you wish it. "replied the knight. "I undertake to give you queen's fare, and put youon the high road to joy; by this means you will make up for lost time, the more so as the king is ruined through other women, while I shallreserve my advantage for your service. "

"And if the king learns of our arrangement, he will put your head on alevel with your feet. "

"Even if this misfortune befell me it after the first night, I shouldbelieve I had lived a hundred years, from the joy therein received, for never have I seen, after visiting all Courts, a princess fit tohold a candle to your beauty. To be brief, if I die not by the sword, you will still be the cause of my death, for I am resolved to spend mylife in your love, if life will depart in the place whence it comes. "

Now this queen had never heard such words before, and preferred themto the most sweetly sung mass; her pleasure showed itself in her face, which became purple, for these words made her blood boil within herveins, so that the strings of her lute were moved thereat, and strucka sweet note that rang melodiously in her ears, for this lute fillswith its music the brain and the body of the ladies, by a sweetartifice of their resonant nature. What a shame to be young, beautiful, Spanish, and queen, and yet neglected. She conceived anintense disdain for those of her Court who had kept their lips closedconcerning this infidelity, through fear of the king, and determinedto revenge herself with the aid of this handsome Frenchman, who caredso little for life that in his first words he had staked it in makinga proposition to a queen, which was worthy of death, if she did herduty. Instead of this, however, she pressed his foot with her own, ina manner that admitted no misconception, and said aloud to him--

"Sir Knight, let us change the subject, for it is very wrong of you toattack a poor queen in her weak spot. Tell us the customs of theladies of the Court of France. "

Thus did the knight receive the delicate hint that the business wasarranged. Then he commenced to talk of merry and pleasant things, which during supper kept the court, the king, the queen, and all thecourtiers in a good humour; so much so that when the siege was raised, Leufroid declared that he had never laughed so much in his life. Thenthey strolled about the gardens, which were the most beautiful in theworld, and the queen made a pretext of the chevalier's sayings to walkbeneath a grove of blossoming orange trees, which yielded a deliciousfragrance. 

"Lovely and noble queen, " said Gauttier, immediately, "I have seen inall countries the perdition of love have its birth in these firstattentions, which we call courtesy; if you have confidence in me, letus agree, as people of high intelligence, to love each other withoutstanding on so much ceremony; by this means no suspicion will bearoused, our happiness will be less dangerous and more lasting. Inthis fashion should queens conduct their amours, if they would avoidinterference. "

"Well said, " said she. "But as I am new at this business, I did notknow what arrangements to make. "

"Have you are among your women one in whom you have perfectconfidence?"

"Yes, " said she; "I have a maid who came from Spain with me, who wouldput herself on a gridiron for me like St. Lawrence did for God, butshe is always poorly. "

"That's good, " said her companion, "because you go to see her. "

"Yes, " said the queen, "and sometimes at night. "

"Ah!" exclaimed Gauttier, "I make a vow to St. Rosalie, patroness ofSicily, to build her a gold altar for this fortune. "

"O Jesus!" cried the queen. "I am doubly blessed in having a lover sohandsome and yet so religious. "

"Ah, my dear, I have two sweethearts today, because I have a queen tolove in heaven above, and another one here below, and luckily theseloves cannot clash one with the other. "

This sweet speech so affected the queen, that for nothing she wouldhave fled with this cunning Frenchman. 

"The Virgin Mary is very powerful in heaven, " said the queen. "Lovegrant that I may be like her!"

"Bah! they are talking of the Virgin Mary, " said the king, who bychance had come to watch them, disturbed by a gleam of jealousy, castinto his heart by a Sicilian courtier, who was furious at the suddenfavour which the Frenchman had obtained. 

The queen and the chevalier laid their plans, and everything wassecretly arranged to furnish the helmet of the king with two invisibleornaments. The knight rejoined the Court, made himself agreeable toeveryone, and returned to the Palace of Pezare, whom he told thattheir fortunes were made, because on the morrow, at night, he wouldsleep with the queen. This swift success astonished the Venetian, who, like a good friend, went in search of fine perfumes, linen of Brabant, and precious garments, to which queens are accustomed, with all ofwhich he loaded his friend Gauttier, in order that the case might beworthy the jewel. 

"Ah, my friend, " said he "are you sure not to falter, but to govigorously to work, to serve the queen bravely, and give her such joysin her castle of Gallardin that she may hold on for ever to thismaster staff, like a drowning sailor to a plank?"

"As for that, fear nothing, dear Pezare, because I have the arrears ofthe journey, and I will deal with her as with a simple servant, instructing her in the ways of the ladies of Touraine, who understandlove better than all others, because they make it, remake it, andunmake it to make it again and having remade it, still keep on makingit; and having nothing else to do, have to do that which always wantsdoing. Now let us settle our plans. This is how we shall obtain thegovernment of the island. I shall hold the queen and you the king; wewill play the comedy of being great enemies before the eyes of thecourtiers, in order to divide them into two parties under our command, and yet, unknown to all, we will remain friends. By this means weshall know their plots, and will thwart them, you by listening to myenemies and I to yours. In the course of a few days we will pretend toquarrel in order to strive one against the other. This quarrel will becaused by the favour in which I will manage to place you with theking, through the channel of the queen, and he will give you supremepower, to my injury. "

On the morrow Gauttier went to the house of the Spanish lady, whobefore the courtiers he recognised as having known in Spain, and heremained there seven whole days. As you can imagine, the Touraniantreated the queen as a fondly loved woman, and showed her so manyterra incognita in love, French fashions, little tendernesses, etc. , that she nearly lost her reason through it, and swore that the Frenchwere the only people who thoroughly understood love. You see how theking was punished, who, to keep her virtuous, had allowed weeds togrow in the grange of love. Their supernatural festivities touched thequeen so strongly that she made a vow of eternal love to Montsoreau, who had awakened her, by revealing to her the joys of the proceeding. It was arranged that the Spanish lady should take care always to beill; and that the only man to whom the lovers would confide theirsecret should be the court physician, who was much attached to thequeen. By chance this physician had in his glottis, chords exactlysimilar to those of Gauttier, so that by a freak of nature they hadthe same voice, which much astonished the queen. The physician sworeon his life faithfully to serve the pretty couple, for he deplored thesad desertion of this beautiful women, and was delighted to know shewould be served as a queen should be--a rare thing. 

A month elapsed and everything was going on to the satisfaction of thetwo friends, who worked the plans laid by the queen, in order to getthe government of Sicily into the hands of Pezare, to the detriment ofMontsoreau, whom the king loved for his great wisdom; but the queenwould not consent to have him, because he was so ungallant. Leufroiddismissed the Duke of Cataneo, his principal follower, and put theChevalier Pezare in his place. The Venetian took no notice of hisfriend the Frenchmen. Then Gauttier burst out, declaimed loudlyagainst the treachery and abused friendship of his former comrade, andinstantly earned the devotion of Cataneo and his friends, with whom hemade a compact to overthrow Pezare. Directly he was in office theVenetian, who was a shrewd man, and well suited to govern states, which was the usual employment of Venetian gentlemen, worked wondersin Sicily, repaired the ports, brought merchants there by thefertility of his inventions and by granting them facilities, put breadinto the mouths of hundreds of poor people, drew thither artisans ofall trades, because fetes were always being held, and also the idleand rich from all quarters, even from the East. Thus harvests, theproducts of the earth, and other commodities, were plentiful; andgalleys came from Asia, the which made the king much envied, and thehappiest king in the Christian world, because through these things hisCourt was the most renowned in the countries of Europe. This finepolitical aspect was the result of the perfect agreement of the twomen who thoroughly understood each other. The one looked after thepleasures, and was himself the delight of the queen, whose face wasalways bright and gay, because she was served according to the methodof Touraine, and became animated through excessive happiness; and healso took care to keep the king amused, finding him every day newmistresses, and casting him into a whirl of dissipation. The king wasmuch astonished at the good temper of the queen, whom, since thearrival of the Sire de Montsoreau in the island, he had touched nomore than a Jew touches bacon. Thus occupied, the king and queenabandoned the care of their kingdom to the other friend, who conductedthe affairs of government, ruled the establishment, managed thefinances, and looked to the army, and all exceedingly well, knowingwhere money was to be made, enriching the treasury, and preparing allthe great enterprises above mentioned. 

The state of things lasted three years, some say four, but the monksof Saint Benoist have not wormed out the date, which remains obscure, like the reasons for the quarrel between the two friends. Probably theVenetian had the high ambition to reign without any control ordispute, and forgot the services which the Frenchman had rendered him. Thus do the men who live in Courts behave, for, according to thestatements of the Messire Aristotle in his works, that which ages themost rapidly in this world is a kindness, although extinguished loveis sometimes very rancid. Now, relying on the perfect friendship ofLeufroid, who called him his crony, and would have done anything forhim, the Venetian conceived the idea of getting rid of his friend byrevealing to the king the mystery of his cuckoldom, and showing himthe source of the queen's happiness, not doubting for a moment butthat he would commence by depriving Monsoreau of his head, accordingto a practice common in Sicily under similar circumstances. By thismeans Pezare would have all the money that he and Gauttier hadnoiselessly conveyed to the house of a Lombard of Genoa, which moneywas their joint property on account of their fraternity. Thistreasure, increased on one side by the magnificent presents made toMontsoreau by the queen, who had vast estates in Spain, and other, byinheritance in Italy; on the other, by the king's gifts to his primeminister, to whom he also gave certain rights over the merchants, andother indulgences. The treacherous friend, having determined to breakhis vow, took care to conceal his intention from Gauttier, because theTouranian was an awkward man to tackle. 

One night that Pezare knew that the queen was in bed with her lover, who loved him as though each night were a wedding one, so skilful wasshe at the business, the traitor promised the king to let him takeevidence in the case, through a hole he had made in the wardrobe ofthe Spanish lady, who always pretended to be at death's door. In orderto obtain a better view, Pezare waited until the sun had risen. TheSpanish lady, who was fleet of foot, had a quick eye and a sharp ear, heard footsteps, peeped out, and perceiving the king, followed by theVenetian, through a crossbar in the closet in which she slept thenight that the queen had her lover between two sheets, which iscertainly the best way to have a lover. She ran to warn the couple ofthis betrayal. But the king's eye was already at the cursed hole, Leufroid saw--what?

That beautiful and divine lantern with burns so much oil and lightsthe world--a lantern adorned with the most lovely baubles, flaming, brilliantly, which he thought more lovely than all the others, becausehe had lost sight of it for so long a time that it appeared quite newto him; but the size of the hole prevented him seeing anything elseexcept the hand of a man, which modestly covered the lantern, and heheard the voice of Montsoreau saying--

"How's the little treasure, this morning?" A playful expression, whichlovers used jokingly, because this lantern is in all countries the sunof love, and for this the prettiest possible names are bestowed uponit, whilst comparing it to the loveliest things in nature, such as mypomegranate, my rose, my little shell, my hedgehog, my gulf of love, my treasure, my master, my little one; some even dared mostheretically to say, my god! If you don't believe it, ask your friends. 

At this moment the lady let him understand by a gesture that the kingwas there. 

"Can he hear?" said the queen. 

"Yes. "

"Can he see?"

"Yes. "

"Who brought him?"

"Pezare. "

"Fetch the physician, and get Gauttier into his own room. " said thequeen. 

In less time than it takes a beggar to say "God bless you, sir!" thequeen had swathed the lantern in linen and paint, so that you wouldhave thought it a hideous wound in a state of grievous inflammation. When the king, enraged by what he overheard, burst open the door, hefound the queen lying on the bed exactly as he has seen her throughthe hole, and the physician, examining the lantern swathed inbandages, and saying, "How it is the little treasure, this morning?"in exactly the same voice as the king had heard. A jocular andcheerful expression, because physicians and surgeons use cheerfulwords with ladies and treat this sweet flower with flowery phrases. This sight made the king look as foolish as a fox caught in a trap. The queen sprang up, reddening with shame, and asking what man daredto intrude upon her privacy at such a moment, but perceiving the king, she said to him as follows:--

"Ah! my lord, you have discovered that which I have endeavoured toconceal from you: that I am so badly treated by you that I amafflicted with a burning ailment, of which my dignity would not allowme to complain, but which needs secret dressing in order to assuagethe influence of the vital forces. To save my honour and your own, Iam compelled to come to my good Lady Miraflor, who consoles me in mytroubles. "

Then the physician commenced to treat Leufroid to an oration, interlarded with Latin quotations and precious grains fromHippocrates, Galen, the School of Salerno, and others, in which heshowed him how necessary to women was the proper cultivation of thefield of Venus, and that there was great danger of death to queens ofSpanish temperament, whose blood was excessively amorous. He deliveredhimself of his arguments with great solemnity of feature, voice, andmanner, in order to give the Sire de Montsoreau time to get to bed. Then the queen took the same text to preach the king a sermon as longas his arm, and requested the loan of that limb, that the king mightconduct her to her apartment instead of the poor invalid, who usuallydid so in order to avoid calumny. When they were in the gallery wherethe Sire de Montsoreau resided, the queen said jokingly, "You shouldplay a good trick on this Frenchman, who I would wager is with somelady, and not in his own room. All the ladies of Court are in lovewith him, and there will be mischief some day through him. If you hadtaken my advice he would not be in Sicily now. "

Leufroid went suddenly into Gauttier's room, whom he found in a deepsleep, and snoring like a monk in Church. The queen returned with theking, whom she took to her apartments, and whispered to one of theguards to send to her the lord whose place Pezare occupied. Then, while she fondled the king, taking breakfast with him, she took thelord directly he came, into an adjoining room. 

"Erect a gallows on the bastion, " said she, "then seize the knightPezare, and manage so that he is hanged instantly, without giving timeto write or say a single word on any subject whatsoever. Such is ourgood pleasure and supreme command. "

Cataneo made no remark. While Pezare was thinking to himself that hisfriend Gauttier would soon be minus his head, the Duke Cataneo came toseize and lead him on to bastion, from which he could see at thequeen's window the Sire de Montsoreau in company with the king, thequeen, and the courtiers, and came to the conclusion that he wholooked after the queen had a better chance in everything than he wholooked after the king. 

"My dear, " said the queen to her spouse, leading him to the window, "behold a traitor, who was endeavouring to deprive you of that whichyou hold dearest in the world, and I will give you the proofs when youhave the leisure to study them. "

Montsoreau, seeing the preparations for the final ceremony, threwhimself at the king's feet, to obtain the pardon of him who was hismortal enemy, at which the king was much moved. 

"Sire de Monsoreau, " said the queen, turning towards him with an angrylook, "are you so bold as to oppose our will and pleasure?"

"You are a noble knight, " said the king, "but you do not know howbitter this Venetian was against you. "

Pezare was delicately strangled between the head and the shoulders, for the queen revealed his treacheries to the king, proving to him, bythe declaration of a Lombard of the town, the enormous sums whichPezare had in the bank of Genoa, the whole of which were given up toMontsoreau. 

This noble and lovely queen died, as related in the history of Sicily, that is, in consequence of a heavy labour, during which she gave birthto a son, who was a man as great in himself as he was unfortunate inhis undertakings. The king believed the physician's statement, thatthe said termination to this accouchement was caused by the too chastelife the queen had led, and believing himself responsible for it, hefounded the Church of the Madonna, which is one of the finest in thetown of Palermo. The Sire de Monsoreau, who was a witness of theking's remorse, told him that when a king got his wife from Spain, heought to know that this queen would require more attention than anyother, because the Spanish ladies were so lively that they equalledten ordinary women, and that if he wished a wife for show only, heshould get her from the north of Germany, where the women are as coldas ice. The good knight came back to Touraine laden with wealth, andlived there many years, but never mentioned his adventures in Sicily. He returned there to aid the king's son in his principal attemptagainst Naples, and left Italy when this sweet prince was wounded, asis related in the Chronicle. 

Besides the high moralities contained in the title of this tale, whereit is said that fortune, being female, is always on the side of theladies, and that men are quite right to serve them well, it shows usthat silence is the better part of wisdom. Nevertheless, the monkishauthor of this narrative seems to draw this other no less learnedmoral therefrom, that interest which makes so many friendships, breaksthem also. But from these three versions you can choose the one thatbest accords with your judgment and your momentary requirement. 

 CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS

The old chronicler who furnished the hemp to weave the present story, is said to have lived at the time when the affair occurred in the Cityof Rouen. 

In the environs of this fair town, where at the time dwelt DukeRichard, an old man used to beg, whose name was Tryballot, but to whomwas given the nickname of Le Vieux par-Chemins, or the Old Man of theRoads; not because he was yellow and dry as vellum, but because he wasalways in the high-ways and by-ways--up hill and down dale--slept withthe sky for his counterpane, and went about in rags and tatters. Notwithstanding this, he was very popular in the duchy, where everyonehad grown used to him, so much so that if the month went by withoutanyone seeing his cup held towards them, people would say, "Where isthe old man?" and the usual answer was, "On the roads. "

This said man had had for a father a Tryballot, who was in hislifetime a skilled artisan, so economical and careful, that he leftconsiderable wealth to his son. 

But the young lad soon frittered it away, for he was the very oppositeof the old fellow, who, returning from the fields to his house, pickedup, now here, now there, many a little stick of wood left right andleft, saying, conscientiously, that one should never come home emptyhanded. Thus he warmed himself in the winter at the expense of thecareless; and he did well. Everyone recognised what a good examplethis was for the country, since a year before his death no one left amorsel of wood on the road; he had compelled the most dissipated to bethrifty and orderly. But his son made ducks and drakes of everything, and did not follow his wise example. The father had predicted thething. From the boy's earliest youth, when the good Tryballot set himto watch the birds who came to eat the peas, beans, and the grain, andto drive the thieves away, above all, the jays, who spoiledeverything, he would study their habits, and took delight in watchingwith what grace they came and went, flew off loaded, and returned, watching with a quick eye the snares and nets; and he would laughheartily at their cleverness in avoiding them. Tryballot senior wentinto a passion when he found his grain considerably less in a measure. But although he pulled his son's ears whenever he caught him idlingand trifling under a nut tree, the little rascal did not alter hisconduct, but continued to study the habits of the blackbirds, sparrows, and other intelligent marauders. One day his father told himthat he would be wise to model himself after them, for that if hecontinued this kind of life, he would be compelled in his old age likethem, to pilfer, and like them, would be pursued by justice. This cametrue; for, as has before been stated, he dissipated in a few days thecrowns which his careful father had acquired in a life-time. He dealtwith men as he did with the sparrows, letting everyone put a hand inhis pocket, and contemplating the grace and polite demeanour of thosewho assisted to empty it. The end of his wealth was thus soon reached. When the devil had the empty money bag to himself, Tryballot did notappear at all cut up, saying, that he "did not wish to damn himselffor this world's goods, and that he had studied philosophy in theschool of the birds. "

After having thoroughly enjoyed himself, of all his goods, there onlyremained to him a goblet bought at Landict, and three dice, quitesufficient furniture for drinking and gambling, so that he went aboutwithout being encumbered, as are the great, with chariots, carpets, dripping pans, and an infinite number of varlets. Tryballot wished tosee his good friends, but they no longer knew him, which fact gave himleave no longer to recognise anyone. Seeing this, he determined tochoose a profession in which there was nothing to do and plenty togain. Thinking this over, he remembered the indulgences of theblackbirds and the sparrows. Then the good Tryballot selected for hisprofession that of begging money at people's houses, and pilfering. From the first day, charitable people gave him something, andTryballot was content, finding the business good, without advancemoney or bad debts; on the contrary, full of accommodation. He wentabout it so heartily, that he was liked everywhere, and received athousand consolations refused to rich people. The good man watched thepeasants planting, sowing, reaping, and making harvest, and said tohimself, that they worked a little for him as well. He who had a pigin his larder owed him a bit for it, without suspecting it. The manwho baked a loaf in his oven often baked it for Tryballot withoutknowing it. He took nothing by force; on the contrary, people said tohim kindly, while making him a present, "Here Vieux par-Chemins, cheerup, old fellow. How are you? Come, take this; the cat began it, youcan finish it. "

Vieux par-Chemins was at all the weddings, baptisms, and funerals, because he went everywhere where there was, openly or secretly, merriment and feasting. He religiously kept the statutes and canons ofhis order--namely, to do nothing, because if he had been able to dothe smallest amount of work no one would ever give anything again. After having refreshed himself, this wise man would lay full length ina ditch, or against a church wall, and think over public affairs; andthen he would philosophise, like his pretty tutors, the blackbirds, jays, and sparrows, and thought a great deal while mumping; for, because his apparel was poor, was that a reason his understandingshould not be rich? His philosophy amused his clients, to whom hewould repeat, by way of thanks, the finest aphorisms of his science. According to him, suppers produced gout in the rich: he boasted thathe had nimble feet, because his shoemaker gave him boots that do notpinch his corns. There were aching heads beneath diadems, but hisnever ached, because it was touched neither by luxury nor any otherchaplet. And again, that jewelled rings hinder the circulation of theblood. Although he covered himself with sores, after the manner ofcadgers, you may be sure he was as sound as a child at the baptismalfont. 

The good man disported himself with other rogues, playing with histhree dice, which he kept to remind him to spend his coppers, in orderthat he might always be poor. In spite of his vow, he was, like allthe order of mendicants, so wealthy that one day at the Paschal feast, another beggar wishing to rent his profit from him, Vieux par-Cheminsrefused ten crowns for it; in fact, the same evening he spent fourteencrowns in drinking the health of the alms-givers, because it is thestatutes of beggary that one should show one's gratitude to donors. Although he carefully got rid of that of which had been a source ofanxiety to others, who, having too much wealth went in search ofpoverty, he was happier with nothing in the world than when he had hisfather's money. And seeing what are the conditions of nobility, he wasalways on the high road to it, because he did nothing except accordingto his fancy, and lived nobly without labour. Thirty crowns would nothave got him out of a bed when he was in it. The morrow always dawnedfor him as it did for others, while leading this happy life; which, according to the statements of Plato, whose authority has more thanonce been invoked in these narratives, certain ancient sages had ledbefore him. At last, Vieux par-Chemins reached the age of eighty-twoyears, having never been a single day without picking up money, andpossessed the healthiest colour and complexion imaginable. He believedthat if he had persevered in the race for wealth he would have beenspoiled and buried years before. It is possible he was right. 

In his early youth Vieux par-Chemins had the illustrious virtue ofbeing very partial to the ladies; and his abundance of love was, it issaid, the result of his studies among the sparrows. Thus it was thathe was always ready to give the ladies his assistance in counting thejoists, and this generosity finds its physical cause in the fact that, having nothing to do, he was always ready to do something. His secretvirtues brought about, it is said, that popularity which he enjoyed inthe provinces. Certain people say that the lady of Chaumont had him inher castle, to learn the truth about these qualities, and kept himthere for a week, to prevent him begging. But the good man jumped overthe hedges and fled in great terror of being rich. Advancing in age, this great quintessencer found himself disdained, although his notablefaculties of loving were in no way impaired. This unjust turning awayon the part of the female tribe caused the first trouble of Vieuxpar-Chemins, and the celebrated trial of Rouen, to which it is time Icame. 

In this eighty-second year of his age he was compelled to remaincontinent for about seven months, during which time he met no womankindly disposed towards him; and he declared before the judge thatthat had caused the greatest astonishment of his long and honourablelife. In this most pitiable state he saw in the fields during themerry month of May a girl, who by chance was a maiden, and mindingcows. The heat was so excessive that this cowherdess had stretchedherself beneath the shadow of a beech tree, her face to the ground, after the custom of people who labour in the fields, in order to get alittle nap while her animals were grazing. She was awakened by thedeed of the old man, who had stolen from her that which a poor girlcould only lose once. Finding herself ruined without receiving fromthe process either knowledge or pleasure, she cried out so loudly thatthe people working in the fields ran to her, and were called upon byher as witnesses, at the time when that destruction was visible in herwhich is appropriate only to a bridal night. She cried and groaned, saying that the old ape might just as well have played his tricks onher mother, who would have said nothing. 

He made answer to the peasants, who had already raised their hoes tokill him, that he had been compelled to enjoy himself. These peopleobjected that a man can enjoy himself very well without enjoying amaiden--a case for the provost, which would bring him straight to thegallows; and he was taken with great clamour to the jail of Rouen. 

The girl, interrogated by the provost, declared that she was sleepingin order to do something, and that she thought she was dreaming of herlover, with whom she was then at loggerheads, because before marriagehe wished to take certain liberties: and jokingly, in this dream shelet him reconnoiter to a certain extent, in order to avoid any disputeafterwards, and that in spite of her prohibitions he went further thanshe had given him leave to go, and finding more pain than pleasure inthe affair, she had been awakened by Vieux par-Chemins, who hadattacked her as a gray-friar would a ham at the end of lent. 

This trial caused so great a commotion in the town of Rouen that theprovost was sent for by the duke, who had an intense desire to know ifthe thing were true. Upon the affirmation of the provost, he orderedVieux par-Chemins to be brought to his palace, in order that he mighthear what defence he had to make. The poor old fellow appeared beforethe prince, and informed him naively of the misfortune which hisimpulsive nature brought upon him, declaring that he was like a youngfellow impelled by imperious desires; that up to the present year hehad sweethearts of his own, but for the last eight months he had beena total abstainer; that he was too poor to find favour with the girlsof the town; that honest women who once were charitable to him, hadtaken a dislike to his hair, which had feloniously turned white inspite of the green youth of his love, and that he felt compelled toavail himself of the chance when he saw this maiden, who, stretched atfull length under the beech tree, left visible the lining of her dressand two hemispheres, white as snow, which had deprived him of reason;that the fault was the girl's and not his, because young maidensshould be forbidden to entice passers-by by showing them that whichcaused Venus to be named Callipyge; finally the prince ought to beaware what trouble a man had to control himself at the hour of noon, because that was the time of day at which King David was smitten withthe wife of the Sieur Uriah, that where a Hebrew king, beloved of God, had succumbed, a poor man, deprived of all joy, and reduced to beggingfor his bread, could not expect to escape; that for that matter ofthat, he was quite willing to sing psalms for the remainder of hisdays, and play upon a lute by way of penance, in imitation of the saidking, who had had the misfortune to slay a husband, while he had onlydone a trifling injury to a peasant girl. The duke listened to thearguments of Vieux par-Chemins, and said that he was a man of goodparts. Then he made his memorable decree, that if, as this beggardeclared, he had need of such gratification at his age he gavepermission to prove it at the foot of the ladder which he would haveto mount to be hanged, according to the sentence already passed on himby the provost; that if then, the rope being round his neck, betweenthe priest and the hangman, a like desire seized him he should have afree pardon. 

This decree becoming known, there was a tremendous crowd to see theold fellow led to the gallows. There was a line drawn up as if for aducal entry, and in it many more bonnets than hats. Vieux par-Cheminswas saved by a lady curious to see how this precious violator wouldfinish his career. She told the duke that religion demanded that heshould have a fair chance. And she dressed herself as if for a ball;she brought intentionally into evidence two hillocks of such snowywhiteness that the whitest linen neckerchief would have paled beforethem; indeed, these fruits of love stood out, without a wrinkle, overher corset, like two beautiful apples, and made one's mouth water, soexquisite were they. This noble lady, who was one of those who rouseone's manhood, had a smile ready on her lips for the old fellow. Vieuxpar-Chemins, dressed in garments of coarse cloth, more certain ofbeing in the desired state after hanging than before it, came alongbetween the officers of justice with a sad countenance, glancing nowhere and there, and seeing nothing but head-dresses; and he would hedeclared, have given a hundred crowns for a girl tucked up as was thecowherdess, whose charms, though they had been his ruin, he stillremembered, and they might still have saved him; but, as he was old, the remembrance was not sufficiently recent. But when, at the foot ofthe ladder, he saw the twin charms of the lady, and the pretty deltathat their confluent rotundities produced, the sight so much excitedhim that his emotion was patent to the spectators. 

"Make haste and see that the required conditions are fulfilled, " saidhe to the officers. "I have gained my pardon but I cannot answer formy saviour. "

The lady was well pleased with this homage, which, she said, wasgreater than his offence. The guards, whose business it was to proceedto a verification, believed the culprit to be the devil, because neverin their wits had they seen an "I" so perpendicular as was the oldman. He was marched in triumph through the town to the palace of theduke, to whom the guards and others stated the facts. In that periodof ignorance, this affair was thought so much of that the town votedthe erection of a column on the spot where the old fellow gained hispardon, and he was portrayed thereon in stone in the attitude heassumed at the sight of that honest and virtuous lady. The statue wasstill to be seen when Rouen was taken by the English, and the writersof the period have included this history among the notable events ofthe reign. 

As the town offered to supply the old man with all he required, andsee to his sustenance, clothing, and amusements, the good dukearranged matters by giving the injured maiden a thousand crowns andmarrying her to her seducer, who then lost his name of Vieuxpar-Chemins. He was named by the duke the Sieur de Bonne-C------. This wife was confined nine months afterwards of a perfectly formedmale child, alive and kicking, and born with two teeth. From thismarriage came the house of Bonne-C------, who from motives modest butwrong, besought our well-beloved King Louis Eleventh to grant themletters patent to change their names into that of Bonne-Chose. Theking pointed out to the Sieur de Bonne-C------ that there was in thestate of Venice an illustrious family named Coglioni, who wore three"C------ au natural" on their coat of arms. The gentlemen of the Houseof Bonne-C------ stated to the king that their wives were ashamed tobe thus called in public assemblies; the king answered that they wouldlose a great deal, because there is a great deal in a name. Nevertheless, he granted the letters. After that this race was knownby this name, and founded families in many provinces. The first Sieurde Bonne-C------ lived another 27 years, and had another son and twodaughters. But he grieved much at becoming rich, and no longer beingable to pick up a living in the street. 

From this you can obtain finer lessons and higher morals than from anystory you will read all your life long--of course excepting thesehundred glorious Droll Tales--namely, that never could adventure ofthis sort have happened to the impaired and ruined constitutions ofcourt rascals, rich people and others who dig their graves with theirteeth by over-eating and drinking many wines that impair theimplements of happiness; which said over-fed people were lollingluxuriously in costly draperies and on feather beds, while the Sieurde Bonne-Chose was roughing it. In a similar situation, if they hadeaten cabbage, it would have given them the diarrhoea. This may incitemany of those who read this story to change their mode of life, inorder to imitate Vieux par-Chemins in his old age. 

 ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS

When the pope left his good town of Avignon to take up his residencein Rome, certain pilgrims were thrown out who had set out for thiscountry, and would have to pass the high Alps, in order to gain thissaid town of Rome, where they were going to seek the _remittimus_ ofvarious sins. Then were to be seen on the roads, and the hostelries, those who wore the order of Cain, otherwise the flower of thepenitents, all wicked fellows, burdened with leprous souls, whichthirsted to bathe in the papal piscina, and all carrying with themgold or precious things to purchase absolution, pay for their beds, and present to the saints. You may be sure that those who drank watergoing, on their return, if the landlords gave them water, wished it tobe the holy water of the cellar. 

At this time the three pilgrims came to this said Avignon to theirinjury, seeing that it was widowed of the pope. While they werepassing the Rhodane, to reach the Mediterranean coast, one of thethree pilgrims, who had with him a son about 10 years of age, partedcompany with the others, and near the town of Milan suddenly appearedagain, but without the boy. Now in the evening, at supper, they had ahearty feast in order to celebrate the return of the pilgrim, who theythought had become disgusted with penitence through the pope not beingin Avignon. Of these three roamers to Rome, one had come from the cityof Paris, the other from Germany, and the third, who doubtless wishedto instruct his son on the journey, had his home in the duchy ofBurgundy, in which he had certain fiefs, and was a younger son of thehouse of Villers-la-Faye (Villa in Fago), and was named La Vaugrenand. The German baron had met the citizen of Paris just past Lyons, andboth had accosted the Sire de la Vaugrenand in sight of Avignon. 

Now in this hostelry the three pilgrims loosened their tongues, andagreed to journey to Rome together, in order the better to resist thefoot pads, the night-birds, and other malefactors, who made it theirbusiness to ease pilgrims of that which weighed upon their bodiesbefore the pope eased them of that which weighed upon theirconsciences. After drinking the three companions commenced to talktogether, for the bottle is the key of conversation, and each madethis confession--that the cause of his pilgrimage was a woman. Theservant who watched their drinking, told them that of a hundredpilgrims who stopped in the locality, ninety-nine were travelling fromthe same thing. These three wise men then began to consider howpernicious is woman to man. The Baron showed the heavy gold chain thathe had in his hauberk to present to Saint Peter, and said his crimewas such that he would not get rid of with the value of two suchchains. The Parisian took off his glove, and exposed a ring set with awhite diamond, saying that he had a hundred like it for the pope. TheBurgundian took off his hat, and exhibited two wonderful pearls, thatwere beautiful ear-pendants for Notre-Dame-de-Lorette, and candidlyconfessed that he would rather have left them round his wife's neck. 

Thereupon the servant exclaimed that their sins must have been asgreat as those of Visconti. 

Then the pilgrims replied that they were such that they had made asolemn vow in their minds never to go astray again during theremainder of their days, however beautiful the woman might be, andthis in addition to the penance which the pope might impose upon them. 

Then the servant expressed her astonishment that all had made the samevow. The Burgundian added, that this vow had been the cause of hislagging behind, because he had been in extreme fear that his son, inspite of his age, might go astray, and that he had made a vow toprevent people and beasts alike gratifying their passions in hishouse, or upon his estates. The baron having inquired the particularsof the adventure, the sire narrated the affair as follows:--

"You know that the good Countess Jeane d'Avignon made formerly a lawfor the harlots, who she compelled to live in the outskirts of thetown in houses with window-shutters painted red and closed. Nowpassing in my company in this vile neighbourhood, my lad remarkedthese houses with closed window-shutters, painted red, and hiscuriosity being aroused--for these ten-year old little devils haveeyes for everything--he pulled me by the sleeve and kept on pullinguntil he had learnt from me what these houses were. Then, to obtainpeace, I told him that young lads had nothing to do with such places, and could only enter them at the peril of their lives, because it wasa place where men and women were manufactured, and the danger was suchfor anyone unacquainted with the business that if a novice entered, flying chancres and other wild beasts would seize upon his face. Fearseized the lad, who then followed me to the hostelry in a state ofagitation, and not daring to cast his eyes upon the said bordels. While I was in the stable, seeing to the putting up of the horses, myson went off like a robber, and the servant was unable to tell me whathad become of him. Then I was in great fear of the wenches, but hadconfidence in the laws, which forbade them to admit such children. Atsupper-time the rascal came back to me looking no more ashamed ofhimself than did our divine Saviour in the temple among the doctors. 

"'Whence comes you?' said I to him. 

"'From the houses with the red shutters, ' he replied. 

"'Little blackguard, ' said I, 'I'll give you a taste of the whip. '

"Then he began to moan and cry. I told him that if he would confessall that had happened to him I would let him off the beating. 

"'Ha, ' said he, 'I took care not to go in, because of the flyingchancres and other wild beasts. I only looked through the chinks ofthe windows, in order to see how men were manufactured. '

"'And what did you see?' I asked. 

"'I saw, ' said he, 'a fine woman just being finished, because she onlywanted one peg, which a young worker was fitting in with energy. Directly she was finished she turned round, spoke to, and kissed hermanufacturer. '

"'Have your supper, ' said I; and the same night I returned intoBurgundy, and left him with his mother, being sorely afraid that atthe first town he might want to fit a peg into some girl. "

"These children often make these sort of answers, " said the Parisian. "One of my neighbour's children revealed the cuckoldom of his fatherby a reply. One day I asked, to see if he was well instructed atschool in religious matters, 'What is hope?' 'One of the king's bigarchers, who comes here when father goes out, ' said he. Indeed, thesergeant of the Archers was named Hope. My friend was dumbfounded atthis, and, although to keep his countenance he looked in the mirror, he could not see his horns there. "

The baron observed that the boy's remark was good in this way: thatHope is a person who comes to bed with us when the realities of lifeare out of the way. 

"Is a cuckold made in the image of God?" asked the Burgundian. 

"No, " said the Parisian, "because God was wise in this respect, thathe took no wife; therefore is He happy through all eternity. "

"But, " said the maid-servant, "cuckolds are made in the image of Godbefore they are horned. "

Then the three pilgrims began to curse women, saying that they werethe cause of all the evils in the world. 

"Their heads are as empty as helmets, " said the Burgundian. 

"Their hearts are as straight as bill-hooks, " said the Parisian. 

"Why are there so many men pilgrims and so few women pilgrims?" saidthe German baron. 

"Their cursed member never sins, " replied the Parisian; "it knowsneither father nor mother, the commandments of God, nor those of theChurch, neither laws divine or human: their member knows no doctrine, understands no heresies, and cannot be blamed; it is innocent of all, and always on the laugh; its understanding is nil; and for this reasondo I hold it in utter detestation. "

"I also, " said the Burgundian, "and I begin to understand thedifferent reading by a learned man of the verses of the Bible, inwhich the account of the creation is given. In this Commentary, whichin my country we call a Noel, lies the reason of imperfection of thisfeature of women, of which, different to that of other females, no mancan slake the thirst, such diabolical heat existing there. In thisNoel is stated that the Lord God, having turned his head to look at adonkey, who had brayed for the first time in his Paradise, while hewas manufacturing Eve, the devil seized this moment to put his fingerinto this divine creature, and made a warm wound, which the Lord tookcare to close with a stitch, from which comes the maid. By means ofthis frenum, the woman should remain closed, and children be made inthe same manner in which God made the angels, by a pleasure far abovecarnal pleasure as the heaven is above the earth. Observing thisclosing, the devil, wild at being done, pinched the Sieur Adam, whowas asleep, by the skin, and stretched a portion of it out inimitation of his diabolical tail; but as the father of man was on hisback this appendage came out in front. Thus these two productions ofthe devil had the desire to reunite themselves, following the law ofsimilarities which God had laid down for the conduct of the world. From this came the first sin and the sorrows of the human race, because God, noticing the devil's work, determined to see what wouldcome of it. "

The servant declared that they were quite correct in the statements, for that woman was a bad animal, and that she herself knew some whowere better under the ground than on it. The pilgrims, noticing thenhow pretty the girl was, were afraid of breaking their vows, and wentstraight to bed. The girl went and told her mistress she washarbouring infidels, and told her what they had said about women. 

"Ah!" said the landlady, "what matters it to me the thoughts mycustomers have in their brains, so long as their purses are wellfilled. "

And when the servant had told of the jewels, she exclaimed--

"Ah, these are questions which concern all women. Let us go and reasonwith them. I'll take the nobles, you can have the citizen. "

The landlady, who was the most shameless inhabitant of the duchy ofMilan, went into the chamber where the Sire de La Vaugrenand and theGerman baron were sleeping, and congratulated them upon their vows, saying that the women would not lose much by them; but to accomplishthese said vows it was necessary they should endeavour to withstandthe strongest temptations. Then she offered to lie down beside them, so anxious were she to see if she would be left unmolested, a thingwhich had never happened to her yet in the company of a man. 

On the morrow, at breakfast, the servant had the ring on her finger, her mistress had the gold chain and the pearl earrings. The threepilgrims stayed in the town about a month, spending there all themoney they had in their purses, and agreed that if they had spoken soseverely of women it was because they had not known those of Milan. 

On his return to Germany the Baron made this observation: that he wasonly guilty of one sin, that of being in his castle. The Citizen ofParis came back full of stories for his wife, and found her full ofHope. The Burgundian saw Madame de La Vaugrenand so troubled that henearly died of the consolations he administered to her, in spite ofhis former opinions. This teaches us to hold our tongues inhostelries. 

 INNOCENCE

By the double crest of my fowl, and by the rose lining of mysweetheart's slipper! By all the horns of well-beloved cuckolds, andby the virtue of their blessed wives! the finest work of man isneither poetry, nor painted pictures, nor music, nor castles, norstatues, be they carved never so well, nor rowing, nor sailinggalleys, but children. 

Understand me, children up to the age of ten years, for after thatthey become men or women, and cutting their wisdom teeth, are notworth what they cost; the worst are the best. Watch them playing, prettily and innocently, with slippers; above all, cancellated ones, with the household utensils, leaving that which displeases them, crying after that which pleases them, munching the sweets andconfectionery in the house, nibbling at the stores, and alwayslaughing as soon as their teeth are cut, and you will agree with methat they are in every way lovable; besides which they are flower andfruit--the fruit of love, the flower of life. Before their minds havebeen unsettled by the disturbances of life, there is nothing in thisworld more blessed or more pleasant than their sayings, which arenaive beyond description. This is as true as the double chewingmachine of a cow. Do not expect a man to be innocent after the mannerof children, because there is an, I know not what, ingredient ofreason in the naivety of a man, while the naivety of children iscandid, immaculate, and has all the finesse of the mother, which isplainly proved in this tale. 

Queen Catherine was at that time Dauphine, and to make herself welcometo the king, her father-in-law, who at that time was very ill indeed, presented him, from time to time, with Italian pictures, knowing thathe liked them much, being a friend of the Sieur Raphael d'Urbin and ofthe Sieurs Primatice and Leonardo da Vinci, to whom he sent large sumsof money. She obtained from her family--who had the pick of theseworks, because at that time the Duke of the Medicis governed Tuscany--a precious picture, painted by a Venetian named Titian (artist tothe Emperor Charles, and in very high flavour), in which there wereportraits of Adam and Eve at the moment when God left them to wanderabout the terrestrial Paradise, and were painted their full height, inthe costume of the period, in which it is difficult to make a mistake, because they were attired in their ignorance, and caparisoned with thedivine grace which enveloped them--a difficult thing to execute onaccount of the colour, but one in which the said Sieur Titianexcelled. The picture was put into the room of the poor king, who wasthen ill with the disease of which he eventually died. It had a greatsuccess at the Court of France, where everyone wished to see it; butno one was able to until after the king's death, since at his desireit was allowed to remain in his room as long as he lived. 

One day Madame Catherine took with her to the king's room her sonFrancis and little Margot, who began to talk at random, as childrenwill. Now here, now there, these children had heard this picture ofAdam and Eve spoken about, and had tormented their mother to take themthere. Since the two little ones at times amused the old king, Madamethe Dauphine consented to their request. 

"You wished to see Adam and Eve, who were our first parents; therethey are, " said she. 

Then she left them in great astonishment before Titian's picture, andseated herself by the bedside of the king, who delighted to watch thechildren. 

"Which of the two is Adam?" said Francis, nudging his sister Margot'selbow. 

"You silly!" replied she, "to know that, they would have to bedressed!"

This reply, which delighted the poor king and the mother, wasmentioned in a letter written in Florence by Queen Catherine. 

No writer having brought it to light, it will remain, like a sweetflower, in a corner of these Tales, although it is no way droll, andthere is no other moral to be drawn from it except that to hear thesepretty speeches of infancy one must beget the children. 

 THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED

IHOW MADAME IMPERIA WAS CAUGHT BY THE VERY NET SHE WASACCUSTOMED TO SPREAD FOR HER LOVE-BIRDS

The lovely lady Imperia, who gloriously opens these tales, because shewas the glory of her time, was compelled to come into the town ofRome, after the holding of the council, for the cardinal of Ragusaloved her more than his cardinal's hat, and wished to have her nearhim. This rascal was so magnificent, that he presented her with thebeautiful palace that he had in the Papal capital. About this time shehad the misfortune to find herself in an interesting condition by thiscardinal. As everyone knows, this pregnancy finished with a finelittle daughter, concerning whom the Pope said jokingly that sheshould be named Theodora, as if to say The Gift Of God. The girl wasthus named, and was exquisitely lovely. The cardinal left hisinheritance to this Theodora, whom the fair Imperia established in herhotel, for she was flying from Rome as from a pernicious place, wherechildren were begotten, and where she had nearly spoiled her beautifulfigure, her celebrated perfections, lines of the body, curves of theback, delicious breasts, and Serpentine charms which placed her asmuch above the other women of Christendom as the Holy Father was aboveall other Christians. But all her lovers knew that with the assistanceof eleven doctors of Padua, seven master surgeons of Pavia, and fivesurgeons come from all parts, who assisted at her confinement, she waspreserved from all injury. Some go so far as to say that she gainedtherein superfineness and whiteness of skin. A famous man, of theschool of Salerno, wrote a book on the subject, to show the value of aconfinement for the freshness, health, preservation, and beauty ofwomen. In this very learned book it was clearly proved to readers thatthat which was beautiful to see in Imperia, was that which it waspermissible for lovers alone to behold; a rare case then, for she didnot disarrange her attire for the petty German princes whom she calledher margraves, burgraves, electors, and dukes, just as a captain rankshis soldiers. 

Everyone knows that when she was eighteen years of age, the lovelyTheodora, to atone for her mother's gay life, wished to retire intothe bosom of the Church. With this idea she placed herself in thehands of a cardinal, in order that he might instruct her in the dutiesof the devout. This wicked shepherd found the lamb so magnificentlybeautiful that he attempted to debauch her. Theodora instantly stabbedherself with a stiletto, in order not to be contaminated by theevil-minded priest. This adventure, which was consigned to the historyof the period, made a great commotion in Rome, and was deplored byeveryone, so much was the daughter of Imperia beloved. 

Then this noble courtesan, much afflicted, returned to Rome, there toweep for her poor daughter. She set out in the thirty-ninth year ofher age, which was, according to some authors, the summer of hermagnificent beauty, because then she had obtained the acme ofperfection, like ripe fruit. Sorrow made her haughty and hard withthose who spoke to her of love, in order to dry her tears. The popehimself visited her in her palace, and gave her certain words ofadmonition. But she refused to be comforted, saying that she wouldhenceforth devote herself to God, because she had never yet beensatisfied by any man, although she had ardently desired it; and all ofthem, even a little priest, whom she had adored like a saint's shrine, had deceived her. God, she was sure, would not do so. 

This resolution disconcerted many, for she was the joy of a vastnumber of lords. So that people ran about the streets of Rome cryingout, "Where is Madame Imperia? Is she going to deprive the world oflove?" Some of the ambassadors wrote to their masters on the subject. The Emperor of the Romans was much cut up about it, because he hadloved her to distraction for eleven weeks; had left her only to go tothe wars, and loved her still as much as his most precious member, which according to his own statement, was his eye, for that aloneembraced the whole of his dear Imperia. In this extremity the Popesent for a Spanish physician, and conducted him to the beautifulcreature, to whom he proved, by various arguments, adorned with Latinand Greek quotations, that beauty is impaired by tears andtribulation, and that through sorrow's door wrinkles step in. Thisproposition, confirmed by the doctors of the Holy College incontroversy, had the effect of opening the doors of the palace thatsame evening. The young cardinals, the foreign envoys, the wealthyinhabitants, and the principal men of the town of Rome came, crowdedthe rooms, and held a joyous festival; the common people made grandilluminations, and thus the whole population celebrated the return ofthe Queen of Pleasure to her occupation, for she was at that time thepresiding deity of Love. The experts in all the arts loved her much, because she spent considerable sums of money improving the Church inRome, which contained poor Theodora's tomb, which was destroyed duringthat pillage of Rome in which perished the traitorous constable ofBourbon, for this holy maiden was placed therein in a massive coffinof gold and silver, which the cursed soldiers were anxious to obtain. The basilic cost, it is said, more than the pyramid erected by theLady Rhodepa, an Egyptian courtesan, eighteen hundred years before thecoming of our divine Saviour, which proves the antiquity of thispleasant occupation, the extravagant prices which the wise Egyptianspaid for their pleasures, and how things deteriorate, seeing that nowfor a trifle you can have a chemise full of female loveliness in theRue du Petit-Heulen, at Paris. Is it not abomination?

Never had Madame Imperia appeared so lovely as at this first galaafter her mourning. All the princes, cardinals, and others declaredthat she was worthy the homage of the whole world, which was thererepresented by a noble from every known land, and thus was it amplydemonstrated that beauty was in every place queen of everything. 

The envoy of the King of France, who was a cadet of the house of l'IleAdam, arrived late, although he had never yet seen Imperia, and wasmost anxious to do so. He was a handsome young knight, much in favourwith his sovereign, in whose court he had a mistress, whom he lovedwith infinite tenderness, and who was the daughter of Monsieur deMontmorency, a lord whose domains bordered upon those of the house ofl'Ile Adam. To this penniless cadet the king had given certainmissions to the duchy of Milan, of which he had acquitted himself sowell that he was sent to Rome to advance the negotiations concerningwhich historians have written so much in their books. Now if he hadnothing of his own, poor little l'Ile Adam relied upon so good abeginning. He was slightly built, but upright as a column, dark, withblack, glistening eyes; and a man not easily taken in; but concealinghis finesse, he had the air of an innocent child, which made himgentle and amiable as a laughing maiden. Directly this gentlemanjoined her circle, and her eyes had rested upon him, Madame Imperiafelt herself bitten by a strong desire, which stretched the harpstrings of her nature, and produced therefrom a sound she had notheard for many a day. She was seized with such a vertigo of true loveat the sight of this freshness of youth, that but for her imperialdignity she would have kissed the good cheeks which shone like littleapples. 

Now take note of this; that so called modest women, and ladies whoseskirts bear their armorial bearings, are thoroughly ignorant of thenature of man, because they keep to one alone, like the Queen ofFrance who believed all men had ulcers in the nose because the kinghad; but a great courtesan, like Madame Imperia, knew man to his core, because she had handled a great many. In her retreat, everyone cameout in his true colours, and concealed nothing, thinking to himselfthat he would not be long with her. Having often deplored thissubjection, sometimes she would remark that she suffered from pleasuremore than she suffered from pain. There was the dark shadow of herlife. You may be sure that a lover was often compelled to part with anice little heap of crowns in order to pass the night with her, andwas reduced to desperation by a refusal. Now for her it was a joyfulthing to feel a youthful desire, like that she had for the littlepriest, whose story commences this collection; but because she wasolder than in those merry days, love was more fully established inher, and she soon perceived that it was of a fiery nature when itbegan to make itself felt; indeed, she suffered in her skin like a catthat is being scorched, and so much so that she had an intense longingto spring upon this gentleman, and bear him in triumph to her nest, asa kite does its prey, but with great difficulty she restrainedherself. When he came and bowed to her, she threw back her head, andassumed a most dignified attitude, as do those who have a loveinfatuation in their hearts. The gravity of her demeanour to the youngambassador caused many to think that she had work in store for him;equivocating on the word, after the custom of the time. 

L'Ile Adam, knowing himself to be dearly loved by his mistress, troubled himself but little about Madame Imperia, grave or gay, andfrisked about like a goat let loose. The courtesan, terribly annoyedat this, changed her tone, from being sulky became gay and lively, came to him, softened her voice, sharpened her glance, gracefullyinclined her head, rubbed against him with her sleeve, and called himMonsiegneur, embraced him with the loving words, trifled with hishand, and finished by smiling at him most affably. He, not imaginingthat so unprofitable a lover would suit her, for he was as poor as achurch mouse, and did not know that his beauty was the equal in hereyes to all the treasures of the world, was not taken in her trap, butcontinued to ride the high horse with his hand on his hips. Thisdisdain of her passion irritated Madame to the heart, which by thisspark was set in flame. If you doubt this, it is because you knownothing of the profession of the Madame Imperia, who by reason of itmight be compared to a chimney, in which a great number of fires havebeen lighted, which had filled it with soot; in this state a match wassufficient to burn everything there, where a hundred fagots has smokedcomfortably. She burned within from top to toe in a horrible manner, and could not be extinguished save with the water of love. The cadetof l'Ile Adam left the room without noticing this ardour. 

Madame, disconsolate at his departure, lost her senses from her headto her feet, and so thoroughly that she sent a messenger to him on thegalleries, begging him to pass the night with her. On no otheroccasion of her life had she had this cowardice, either for king, pope, or emperor, since the high price of her favours came from thebondage in which she held her admirers, whom the more she humbled themore she raised herself. The disdainful hero of this history wasinformed by the head chamber-women, who was a clever jade, that in allprobability a great treat awaited him, for most certainly Madame wouldregale him with her most delicate inventions of love. L'Ile Adamreturned to the salons, delighted at this lucky chance. Directly theenvoy of France reappeared, as everyone had seen Imperia turn pale athis departure, the general joy knew no bounds, because everyone wasdelighted to see her return to her old life of love. An Englishcardinal, who had drained more than one big-bellied flagon, and wishedto taste Imperia, went to l'Ile Adam and whispered to him, "Hold herfast, so that she shall never again escape us. "

The story of this remark was told to the pope at his levee, and causedhim to remark, _Laetamini, gentes, quoniam surrexit Dominus_. Aquotation which the old cardinals abominated as a profanation ofsacred texts. Seeing which, the pope reprimanded them severely, andtook occasion to lecture them, telling them that if they were goodChristians they were bad politicians. Indeed, he relied upon the fairImperia to reclaim the emperor, and with this idea he syringed herwell with flattery. 

The lights of the palace being extinguished, the golden flagons on thefloor, and the servants drunk and stretched about on the carpets, Madame entered her bedchamber, leading by the hand her dearlover-elect; and she was well pleased, and has since confessed that sostrongly was she bitten with love, she could hardly restrain herselffrom rolling at his feet like a beast of the field, begging him tocrush her beneath him if he could. L'Ile Adam slipped off hisgarments, and tumbled into bed as if he were in his own house. Seeingwhich, Madame hastened her preparations, and sprang into her lover'sarms with a frenzy that astonished her women, who knew her to beordinarily one of the most modest of women on these occasions. Theastonishment became general throughout the country, for the pairremained in bed for nine days, eating, drinking, and embracing in amarvellous and most masterly manner. Madame told her women that atlast she had placed her hand on a phoenix of love, since he revivedfrom every attack. Nothing was talked of in Rome and Italy but thevictory that had been gained over Imperia, who had boasted that shewould yield to no man, and spat upon all of them, even the dukes. Asto the aforesaid margraves and burgraves, she gave them the tail ofher dress to hold, and said that if she did not tread them under foot, they would trample upon her. Madame confessed to her servants that, differently to all other men she had had to put up with, the more shefondled this child of love, the more she desired to do so, and thatshe would never be able to part with him; nor his splendid eyes, whichblinded her; nor his branch of coral, that she always hungered after. She further declared that if such were his desire, she would let himsuck her blood, eat her breasts--which were the most lovely in theworld--and cut her tresses, of which she had only given a single oneto the Emperor of the Romans, who kept it in his breast, like aprecious relic; finally, she confessed that on that night only hadlife begun for her, because the embrace of Villiers de l'Ile Adam sentthe blood to her in three bounds and in a brace of shakes. 

These expressions becoming known, made everyone very miserable. Directly she went out, Imperia told the ladies of Rome that she shoulddie it if she were deserted by this gentleman, and would causeherself, like Queen Cleopatra, to be bitten by an asp. She declaredopenly that she had bidden an eternal adieu her to her former gaylife, and would show the whole world what virtue was by abandoning herempire for this Villiers de l'Ile Adam, whose servant she would ratherbe than reign of Christendom. The English cardinal remonstrated withthe pope that this love for one, in the heart of a woman who was thejoy of all, was an infamous depravity, and that he ought with a brief_in partibus_, to annul this marriage, which robbed the fashionableworld of its principal attraction. But the love of this poor woman, who had confessed the miseries of her life, was so sweet a thing, andso moved the most dissipated heart, that she silenced all clamour, andeveryone forgave her her happiness. One day, during Lent, Imperia madeher people fast, and ordered them to go and confess, and return toGod. She herself went and fell at the pope's feet, and there showedsuch penitence, that she obtained from him remission of all her sins, believing that the absolution of the pope would communicate to hersoul that virginity which she was grieved at being unable to offer herlover. It is impossible to help thinking that there was some virtue inthe ecclesiastical piscina, for the poor cadet was so smothered withlove that he fancied himself in Paradise, and left the negotiations ofthe King of France, left his love for Mademoiselle de Montmorency--infact, left everything to marry Madame Imperia, in order that he mightlive and die with her. Such was the effect of the learned ways of thisgreat lady of pleasure directly she turned her science to the root ofa virtuous love. Imperia bade adieu to her admirers at a royal feast, given in honour of her wedding, which was a wonderful ceremony, atwhich all the Italian princes were present. She had, it is said, amillion gold crowns; in spite of the vastness of this sum, every onefar from blaming L'Ile Adam, paid him many compliments, because it wasevident that neither Madame Imperia nor her young husband thought ofanything but one. The pope blessed their marriage, and said that itwas a fine thing to see the foolish virgin returning to God by theroad of marriage. 

But during that last night in which it would be permissible for all tobehold the Queen of Beauty, who was about to become a simplechatelaine of the kingdom of France, there were a great number of menwho mourned for the merry nights, the suppers, the masked balls, thejoyous games, and the melting hours, when each one emptied his heartto her. Everyone regretted the ease and freedom which had always beenfound in the residence of this lovely creature, who now appeared moretempting than she had ever done in her life, for the fervid heat ofher great love made her glisten like a summer sun. Much did theylament the fact that she had had the sad fantasy to become arespectable woman. To these Madame de l'Ile Adam answered jestingly, that after twenty-four years passed in the service of the public, shehad a right to retire. Others said to her, that however distant thesun was, people could warm themselves in it, while she would showherself no more. To these she replied that she would still have smilesto bestow upon those lords who would come and see how she played therole of a virtuous woman. To this the English envoy answered, hebelieved her capable of pushing virtue to its extreme point. She gavea present to each of her friends, and large sums to the poor andsuffering of Rome; besides this, she left to the convent where herdaughter was to have been, and to the church she had built, the wealthshe had inherited from Theodora, which came from the cardinal ofRagusa. 

When the two spouses set out they were accompanied a long way byknights in mourning, and even by the common people, who wished themevery happiness, because Madame Imperia had been hard on the richonly, and had always been kind and gentle with the poor. This lovelyqueen of love was hailed with acclamations throughout the journey inall the towns of Italy where the report of her conversion had spread, and where everyone was curious to see pass, a case so rare as two suchspouses. Several princes received this handsome couple at theircourts, saying it was but right to show honour to this woman who hadthe courage to renounce her empire over the world of fashion, tobecome a virtuous woman. But there was an evil-minded fellow, one mylord Duke of Ferrara, who said to l'Ile Adam that his great fortunehad not cost him much. At this first offence Madame Imperia showedwhat a good heart she had, for she gave up all the money she hadreceived from her lovers, to ornament the dome of St. Maria del Fiore, in the town of Florence, which turned the laugh against the Sired'Este, who boasted that he had built a church in spite of the emptycondition of his purse. You may be sure he was reprimanded for thisjoke by his brother the cardinal. 

The fair Imperia only kept her own wealth and that which the Emperorhad bestowed upon her out of pure friendship since his departure, theamount of which was however, considerable. The cadet of l'Ile Adam hada duel with the duke, in which he wounded him. Thus neither Madame del'Ile Adam, nor her husband could be in any way reproached. This pieceof chivalry caused her to be gloriously received in all places shepassed through, especially in Piedmont, where the fetes were splendid. Verses which the poet then composed, such as sonnets, epithalamias, and odes, have been given in certain collections; but all poetry wasweak in comparison with her, who was, according to an expression ofMonsieur Boccaccio, poetry herself. 

The prize in this tourney of fetes and gallantry must be awarded tothe good Emperor of the Romans, who, knowing of the misbehaviour ofthe Duke of Ferrara, dispatched an envoy to his old flame, chargedwith Latin manuscripts, in which he told her that he loved her so muchfor herself, that he was delighted to know that she was happy, butgrieved to know that all her happiness was not derived from him; thathe had lost his right to make her presents, but that, if the king ofFrance received her coldly, he would think it an honour to acquire aVilliers to the holy empire, and would give him such principalities ashe might choose from his domains. The fair Imperia replied that shewas extremely obliged to the Emperor, but that had she to suffercontumely upon contumely in France, she still intended there to finishher days. 

IIHOW THIS MARRIAGE ENDED

Not knowing if it she would be received or not, the lady of l'Ile Adamwould not go to court, but lived in the country, where her husbandmade a fine establishment, purchasing the manor ofBeaumont-le-Vicomte, which gave rise to the equivoque upon his name, made by our well-beloved Rabelais, in his most magnificent book. Heacquired also the domain of Nointel, the forest of Carenelle, St. Martin, and other places in the neighbourhood of the l'Ile Adam, wherehis brother Villiers resided. These said acquisitions made him the mostpowerful lord in the l'Ile de France and county of Paris. He built awonderful castle near Beaumont, which was afterwards ruined by theEnglish, and adorned it with the furniture, foreign tapestries, chests, pictures, statues, and curiosities, of his wife, who was a greatconnoisseur, which made this place equal to the most magnificentcastles known. 

The happy pair led a life so envied by all, that nothing was talkedabout in Paris and at Court but this marriage, the good fortune of theSire de Beaumont, and, above all, of the perfect, loyal, gracious, andreligious life of his wife, who from habit many still called MadameImperia; who was no longer proud and sharp as steel, but had thevirtues and qualities of a respectable woman, and was an example inmany things to a queen. She was much beloved by the Church on accountof her great religion, for she had never once forgotten God, having, as she once said, spent much of her time with churchmen, abbots, bishops, and cardinals, who had sprinkled her well with holy water, and under the curtains worked her eternal salvation. 

The praises sung in honour of this lady had such an effect, that theking came to Beauvoisis to gaze upon this wonder, and did the sire thehonour to sleep at Beaumont, remained there three days, and had aroyal hunt there with the queen and the whole Court. You may be surethat he was surprised, as were also the queen, the ladies, and theCourt, at the manners of this superb creature, who was proclaimed alady of courtesy and beauty. The king first, then the queen, andafterwards every individual member of the company, complemented l'IleAdam on having chosen such a wife. The modesty of the chatelaine didmore than pride would have accomplished; for she was invited to court, and everywhere, so imperious was her great heart, so tyrannic herviolent love for her husband. You may be sure that her charms, hiddenunder the garments of virtue, were none the less exquisite. The kinggave the vacant post of lieutenant of the Ile de France and provost ofParis to his ancient ambassador, giving him the title of Viscount ofBeaumont, which established him as governor of the whole province, andput him on an excellent footing at court. But this was the cause of agreat wound in Madame's heart, because a wretch, jealous of thisunclouded happiness, asked her, playfully, if Beaumont had ever spokento her of his first love, Mademoiselle de Montmorency, who at thattime was twenty-two years of age, as she was sixteen at the time themarriage took place in Rome--the which young lady loved l'Ile Adam somuch that she remained a maiden, would listen to no proposals ofmarriage, and was dying of a broken heart, unable to banish herperfidious lover from her remembrance and was desirous of entering theconvent of Chelles. Madame Imperia, during the six years of hermarriage, had never heard this name, and was sure from this fact thatshe was indeed beloved. You can imagine that this time had been passedas a single day, that both believed that they had only been marriedthe evening before, and that each night was as a wedding night, andthat if business took the knight out of doors, he was quitemelancholy, being unwilling ever to have her out of his sight, and shewas the same with him. 

The king, who was very partial to the viscount, also made a remark tohim which stung him to the quick, when he said, "You have nochildren?"

To which Beaumont replied, with the face of a man whose raw place youhave touched with your finger, "Monsiegneur, my brother has; thus ourline is safe. "

Now it happened that his brother's two children died suddenly--onefrom a fall from his horse at a tournament and the other from illness. Monsieur l'Ile Adam the elder was so stricken with grief at these twodeaths that he expired soon after, so much did he love his two sons. By this means the manor of Beaumont, the property at Carenelle, St. Martin, Nointel, and the surrounding domains, were reunited to themanor of l'Ile Adam, and the neighbouring forests, and the cadetbecame the head of the house. At this time Madame was forty-five, andwas still fit to bear children; but alas! she conceived not. As soonas she saw the lineage of l'Ile Adam destroyed, she was anxious toobtain offspring. 

Now, as during the seven years which had elapsed she had never oncehad the slightest hint of pregnancy, she believed, according to thestatement of a clever physician whom she sent for from Paris, thatthis barrenness proceeded from the fact, that both she and herhusband, always more lovers than spouses, allowed pleasure tointerfere with business, and by this means engendering was prevented. Then she endeavoured to restrain her impetuosity, and to take thingscoolly, because the physician had explained to her that in a state ofnature animals never failed to breed, because the females employednone of those artifices, tricks, and hanky-pankies with which womenaccommodate the olives of Poissy, and for this reason they thoroughlydeserved the title of beasts. She promised him no longer to play withsuch a serious affair, and to forget all the ingenious devices inwhich she had been so fertile. But, alas! although she kept as quietas that German woman who lay so still that her husband embraced her todeath, and then went, poor baron, to obtain absolution from the pope, who delivered his celebrated brief, in which he requested the ladiesof Franconia to be a little more lively, and prevent a repetition ofsuch a crime. Madame de l'Ile Adam did not conceive, and fell into astate of great melancholy. 

Then she began to notice how thoughtful had become her husband, l'IleAdam, whom she watched when he thought she was not looking, and whowept that he had no fruit of his great love. Soon this pair mingledtheir tears, for everything was common to the two in this finehousehold, and as they never left the other, the thought of the onewas necessarily the thought of the other. When Madame beheld a poorperson's child she nearly died of grief, and it took her a whole dayto recover. Seeing this great sorrow, l'Ile Adam ordered all childrento be kept out of his wife's sight, and said soothing things to her, such as that children often turned out badly; to which she replied, that a child made by those who loved so passionately would be thefinest child in the world. He told her that her sons might perish, like those of his poor brother; to which she replied, that she wouldnot let them stir further from her petticoats than a hen allows herchickens. In fact, she had an answer for everything. 

Madame caused a woman to be sent for who dealt in magic, and who wassupposed to be learned in these mysteries, who told her that she hadoften seen women unable to conceive in spite of every effort, but yetthey had succeeded by studying the manners and customs of animals. Madame took the beasts of the fields for her preceptors, but she didnot increase in size; her flesh still remained firm and white asmarble. She returned to the physical science of the master doctors ofParis, and sent for a celebrated Arabian physician, who had justarrived in France with a new science. Then this savant, brought up inthe school of one Sieur Averroes, entered into certain medicaldetails, and declared that the loose life she had formerly led had forever ruined her chance of obtaining offspring. The physical reasonswhich he assigned were so contrary to the teaching of the holy bookswhich establish the majesty of man, made in the image of his creator, and so contrary to the system upheld by sound sense and good doctrine, that the doctors of Paris laughed them to scorn. The Arabian physicianleft the school where his master, the Sieur Averroes, was unknown. 

The doctors told Madame, who had come to Paris, that she was to keepon as usual, since she had had during her gay life the lovelyTheodora, by the cardinal of Ragusa, and that the right of havingchildren remained with women as long as their blood circulated, andall that she had to do was to multiply the chances of conception. Thisadvice appeared to her so good that she multiplied her victories, butit was only multiplying her defeats, since she obtained the flowers oflove without its fruits. 

The poor afflicted woman wrote then to the pope, who loved her much, and told him of her sorrows. The good pope replied to her with agracious homily, written with his own hand, in which he told her thatwhen human science and things terrestrial had failed, we should turnto Heaven and implore the grace of God. Then she determined to go withnaked feet, accompanied by her husband, to Notre Dame de Liesse, celebrated for her intervention in similar cases, and made a vow tobuild a magnificent cathedral in gratitude for the child. But shebruised and injured her pretty feet, and conceived nothing but aviolent grief, which was so great that some of her lovely tresses felloff and some turned white. 

At last the faculty of making children was taken from her, whichbrought on the vapours consequent upon hypochondria, and caused herskin to turn yellow. She was then forty-nine years of age, and livedin her castle of l'Ile Adam, where she grew as thin as a leper in alazar-house. The poor creature was all the more wretched because l'IleAdam was still amorous, and as good as gold to her, who failed in herduty, because she had formerly been too free with the men, and wasnow, according to her own disdainful remark, only a cauldron to cookchitterlings. 

"Ha!" said she, one evening when these thoughts were tormenting her. "In spite of the Church, in spite of the king, in spite of everything, Madame de l'Ile Adam is still the wicked Imperia!"

She fell into a violent passion when she saw this handsome gentlemanhave everything a man can desire, great wealth, royal favour, unequalled love, matchless wife, pleasure such as none other couldproduce, and yet fail in that which is dearest to the head of thehouse--namely, lineage. With this idea in her head, she wished to die, thinking how good and noble he had been to her, and how much shefailed in her duty in not giving him children, and in beinghenceforward unable to do so. She hid her sorrow in the secretrecesses of her heart, and conceived a devotion worthy her great love. To put into practice this heroic design she became still more amorous, took extreme care of her charms, and made use of learned precepts tomaintain her bodily perfection, which threw out an incredible lustre. 

About this time the Sieur de Montmorency conquered the repulsion hisdaughter entertained for marriage, and her alliance with one Sieur deChatillon was much talked about. Madame Imperia, who lived only threeleagues distant from Montmorency, one day sent her husband out huntingin the forests, and set out towards the castle where the young ladylived. Arrived in the grounds she walked about there, telling aservant to inform her mistress that a lady had a most importantcommunication to make to her, and that she had come to request anaudience. Much interested by the account which she received by thebeauty, courtesy, and manners of the unknown lady, Mademoiselle deMontmorency went in great haste into the gardens, and there met herrival, whom she did not know. 

"My dear, " said the poor woman, weeping to find the young maiden asbeautiful as herself, "I know that they are trying to force you into amarriage with Monsieur de Chatillon, although you still love Monsieurde l'Ile Adam. Have confidence in the prophecy that I here make you, that he whom you have loved, and who only was false to you through asnare into which an angel might have fallen, will be free from theburden of his old wife before the leaves fall. Thus the constancy ofyour love will have its crown of flowers. Now have the courage torefuse this marriage they are arranging for you, and you may yet claspyour first and only love. Pledge me your word to love and cherishl'Ile Adam, who is the kindest of men; never to cause him a moment'sanguish, and tell him to reveal to you all the secrets of loveinvented by Madame Imperia, because, in practicing them, being young, you will be easily able to obliterate the remembrance of her from hismind. "

Mademoiselle de Montmorency was so astonished that she could make noanswer, and let this queen of beauty depart, and believed her to be afairy, until a workman told her that the fairy was Madame de l'IleAdam. Although the adventure was inexplicable, she told her fatherthat she would not give her consent to the proposed marriage untilafter the autumn, so much is it in the nature of Love to ally itselfwith Hope, in spite of the bitter pills which this deceitful andgracious, companion gives her to swallow like bull's eyes. During themonths when the grapes are gathered, Imperia would not let l'Ile Adamleave her, and was so amorous that one would have imagined she wishedto kill him, since l'Ile Adam felt as though he had a fresh bride inhis arms every night. The next morning the good woman requested him tokeep the remembrance of these joys in his heart. 

Then, to know what her lover's real thoughts on the subject were shesaid to him, "Poor l'Ile Adam, we were very silly to marry--a lad likeyou, with your twenty-three years, and an old woman close to 40. "

He answered her, that his happiness was such that he was the envy ofevery one, that at her age her equal did not exist among the youngerwomen, and that if ever she grew old he would love her wrinkles, believing that even in the tomb she would be lovely, and her skeletonlovable. 

To these answers, which brought the tears into her eyes, she onemorning answered maliciously, that Mademoiselle de Montmorency wasvery lovely and very faithful. This speech forced l'Ile Adam to tellher that she pained him by telling him of the only wrong he had evercommitted in his life--the breaking of the troth pledged to his firstsweetheart, all love for whom he had since effaced from his heart. This candid speech made her seize him and clasp him to her heart, affected at the loyalty of his discourse on a subject from which manywould have shrunk. 

"My dear love, " said she, "for a long time past I have been sufferingfrom a retraction of the heart, which has always since my youth beendangerous to my life, and in this opinion the Arabian physiciancoincides. If I die, I wish you to make the most binding oath a knightcan make, to wed Mademoiselle Montmorency. I am so certain of dying, that I leave my property to you only on condition that this marriagetakes place. "

Hearing this, l'Ile Adam turned pale, and felt faint at the merethought of an eternal separation from his good wife. 

"Yes, dear treasure of love, " continued she. "I am punished by Godthere where my sins were committed, for the great joys that I feeldilate my heart, and have, according to the Arabian doctor, weakenedthe vessels which in a moment of excitement will burst; but I havealways implored God to take my life at the age in which I now am, because I would not see my charms marred by the ravages of time. "

This great and noble woman saw then how well she was beloved. This ishow she obtained the greatest sacrifice of love that ever was madeupon this earth. She alone knew what a charm existed in the embraces, fondlings, and raptures of the conjugal bed, which were such that poorl'Ile Adam would rather have died than allow himself to be deprived ofthe amorous delicacies she knew so well how to prepare. At thisconfession made by her that, in the excitement of love her heart wouldburst, the chevalier cast himself at her knees, and declared that topreserve her life he would never ask her for love, but would livecontented to see her only at his side, happy at being able to touchbut the hem of her garment. 

She replied, bursting into tears, "that she would rather die than loseone iota of his love; that she would die as she had lived, sinceluckily she could make a man embrace her when such was her desirewithout having to put her request into words. "

Here it must be stated that the cardinal of Ragusa had given her as apresent an article, which this holy joker called _in articulo mortis_. It was a tiny glass bottle, no bigger than a bean, made at Venice, andcontaining a poison so subtle that by breaking it between the teethdeath came instantly and painlessly. He had received it from SignoraTophana, the celebrated maker of poisons of the town of Rome. 

Now this tiny bottle was under the bezel of a ring, preserved from allobjects that could break it by certain plates of gold. Poor Imperiaput it into her mouth several times without being able to make up hermind to bite it, so much pleasure did she take in the moment that shebelieved to be her last. Then she would pass before her in mentalreview all her methods of enjoyment before breaking the glass, anddetermined that when she felt the most perfect of all joys she wouldbite the bottle. 

The poor creature departed this life on the night on the first day ofOctober. Then was there heard a great clamour in the forests and inthe clouds, as if the loves had cried aloud, "The great Noc is dead!"in imitation of the pagan gods who, at the coming of the Saviour ofmen, fled into the skies, saying, "the great Pan is slain!" A crywhich was heard by some persons navigating the Eubean Sea, andpreserved by a Father of the Church. 

Madame Imperia died without being spoiled in shape, so much had Godmade her the irreproachable model of a woman. She had, it was said, amagnificent tint upon her flesh, caused by the proximity of theflaming wings of Pleasure, who cried and groaned over her corpse. Herhusband mourned for her most bitterly, never suspecting that she haddied to deliver him from a childless wife, for the doctor who embalmedher said not a word concerning the cause of her death. This greatsacrifice was discovered six years after marriage of l'Ile Adam withMademoiselle de Montmorency, because she told him all about the visitof Madame Imperia. The poor gentleman immediately fell into a state ofgreat melancholy and finished by dying, being unable to banish theremembrance of those joys of love which it was beyond the power of anovice to restore to him; thereby did he prove the truth of that whichwas said at that time, that this woman would never die in a heartwhere she had once reigned. 

This teaches us that virtue is well understood by those who havepractised vice; for among the most modest women few would thus havesacrificed life, in whatever high state of religion you look for them. 

 EPILOGUE

Oh! mad little one, thou whose business it is to make the house merry, again hast thou been wallowing, in spite of a thousand prohibitions, in that slough of melancholy, whence thou hast already fished outBertha, and come back with thy tresses dishevelled, like a girl whohas been ill-treated by a regiment of soldiers! Where are thy goldenaiglets and bells, thy filigree flowers of fantastic design? Wherehast thou left thy crimson head-dress, ornamented with preciousgewgaws that cost a minot of pearls?

Why spoil with pernicious tears thy black eyes, so pleasant whentherein sparkles the wit of a tale, that popes pardon thee thy sayingsfor the sake of thy merry laughter, feel their souls caught betweenthe ivory of thy teeth, have their hearts drawn by the rose point ofthy sweet tongue, and would barter the holy slipper for a hundred ofthe smiles that hover round thy vermillion lips? Laughing lassie, ifthou wouldst remain always fresh and young, weep no more; think ofriding the brideless fleas, of bridling with the golden clouds thychameleon chimeras, of metamorphosing the realities of life intofigures clothed with the rainbow, caparisoned with roseate dreams, andmantled with wings blue as the eyes of the partridge. By the Body andthe Blood, by the Censer and the Seal, by the Book and the Sword, bythe Rag and the Gold, by the Sound and the Colour, if thou does butreturn once into that hovel of elegies where eunuchs find ugly womenfor imbecile sultans, I'll curse thee; I'll rave at thee; I'll makethee fast from roguery and love; I'll--

Phist! Here she is astride a sunbeam with a volume that is ready toburst with merry meteors! She plays in their prisms, tearing about somadly, so wildly, so boldly, so contrary to good sense, so contrary togood manners, so contrary to everything, that one has to touch herwith long feathers, to follow her siren's tail in the golden facetswhich trifle among the artifices of these new pearls of laughter. Yegods! but she is sporting herself in them like a hundred schoolboys ina hedge full of blackberries, after vespers. To the devil with themagister! The volume is finished! Out upon work! What ho! my jovialfriends; this way!