[Illustration: Dere O... LOVE LETTERSBy E. STREETER] [Illustration: MABLE] Dere Mable-- LOVE LETTERS OF A ROOKIE BY EDWARD STREETER 27TH (N. Y. ) DIVISION WITH 35 ILLUSTRATIONS IN BLACK-AND-WHITE BY G. WILLIAM BRECK ("Bill Breck") 27TH (N. Y. ) DIVISION [Illustration] 1918 DEDICATION To a million Private Bills who have suddenly learnt to call a coat a blouse. Taking things as they find them. Vaguely understanding. Caring less. Grumbling by custom. Cheerful by nature. Ever anxious to be where they are not. Ever anxious to be somewhere else when they get there. Without thought of sacrifice. Who have left the flag-waving to those at home. Who serve as a matter of course. LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS Mable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _Frontispiece_"The only place there flat is on the map" . . . . . . . . . . . . 2"You can read em to your granchildren" . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3"You walk a post but there aint no post" . . . . . . . . . . . . 4"I just found it in my bakin can" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6"I dont like any sargeant" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8"I dont care much for horses, they feels the same way about me" . 9"Max Glucos what lives on the next cot" . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10"Smith are you laffin at me?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11"One day its our teeth" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14"Remember me to your mother" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16"Not the kind your father has" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18"I wear them every night over my uniform" . . . . . . . . . . . . 19"I been made an officer" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20"Somebodied set a trunk on the turky" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21"Built like the leg of a sailurs trowsers" . . . . . . . . . . . 22"You paint a horse black and white stripes" . . . . . . . . . . . 24"I spent mine doin Kitchen police" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26"I wish that hired girl could come down" . . . . . . . . . . . . 27"A croquette is a French society woman" . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30"I sat next to a Colonels wife" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32"Men hate to be watched while they are freezin" . . . . . . . . . 34"I had a reputashun for a devil with the wimen" . . . . . . . . . 36"It seemed to depres them awful" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38"If I catch one of those ailin enemies windin up your victrola" . 40"Stuck my head out of the blankets" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42"When I looked in the tin mirror I thought I was starvin" . . . . 44"They come round an watch you eat it" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46"Army food always runs" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48"He smokes cigarets something awful" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50"I poured some oil out of his lamp" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52"I even got mud in my hair" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54"The water comes through on me" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55"The last time I will take my pen in hand for you" . . . . . . . 58"It wont be no use runin to the door" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60 Dere Mable Love Letters of a Rookie _Dere Mable:_ I guess you thought I was dead. Youll never know how near you was toright. We got the tents up at last, though, so I got a minit to rite. Iguess they choose these camps by mail order. The only place there flatis on the map. Where our tents is would make a good place for a RockyMountin goat if he didnt break his neck. The first day the Captin cameout an says "Pitch your tents here. " Then he went to look for someonequick before anyone could ask him how. I wish I was a Captin. I guess hethought we was Alpine Chasers. Eh, Mable? But you probably dont knowwhat those are. Honest, Mable, if Id put in the work I done last week on the PanamahCanal it would have been workin long before it was. Of course there wasa lot of fellos there with me but it seemed like all they did was tostand round and hand me shovels when I wore em out. The Captin appresheates me though. The other day he watched me workawhile and then he says "Smith. " He calls me Smith now. We got veryfriendly since I been nice to him. I noticed none of the other felloshad much to say to him. I felt kind of sorry for him. Hes a human beineven if he is a Captin, Mable. So every time I saw him I used to stophim and talk to him. Democratic. Thats me all over, Mable. "Smith" hesays "If they was all like you round here war would be hell, no joke. "By which he meant that we would make it hot for the Boshes. I been feelin awful sorry for you, Mable. What with missin me and yourfathers liver gone back on him again things must have been awfullonesome for you. It isnt as if you was a girl what had a lot of felloshangin round all the time. Not that you couldnt have em, Mable, but youdont an theres no use makin no bones about it. If it hadnt been for me Iguess things would have been pretty stupid though I dont begrudge you acent. You know how I am with my money. I guess you ought to anyway. Eh, Mable? Never talk of money matters in connexun with a woman. Thatsme all over. [Illustration: "THE ONLY PLACE THERE FLAT IS ON THE MAP"] [Illustration: "YOU CAN READ EM TO YOUR GRANCHILDREN"] Now I got started an found a fountin pen an the Y. M. C. A. Givin awaypaper like it does Im goin to rite you regular. They say there gointo charge three sents for a letter pretty soon. That aint goin to stopme though, Mable. There aint no power in heavin or earth, as the poetssay, as can come between you and me, Mable. You mite send a few threesent stamps when you rite. That is if your fathers able to work yet. Andwillin, I should add. Of course it aint nothin to me but Id keep these letters what you getfrom me as a record of the war. Some day you can read em to yourgranchildren an say "Your Granfather Bill did all these things. " Aint Ithe worst, Mable? Serious though I havnt found noone so far what hasthought of doin this except the newspapers. I guess Ill get a lot ofinside stuff that theyll never see. So this may be the only one of itskind. But it doesnt matter to me what you do with them, Mable. Later Ill tell you all about everything but I guess you wont understandmuch cause its tecknickle. Lots of the fellos are gettin nitted thingsand candy and stuff right along. Dont pay no attenshun to that, though, or take it for a hint cause it aint. I just say it as a matter ofrekord. Independent if nothin. Thats me all over. Yours till the war ends _Bill_ _Dere Mable:_ Having nothin better to do I take up my pen to rite. We have been here now three weeks. As far as I am concerned I am allready to go. I told the Captin that I was ready any time. He said yes, but that wed have to wait for the slow ones cause they was all gointogether. I says was I to go out to drill with the rest. He said yesmore for the example than anything else. Its kind of maddening to behangin round here when I might be over there helpin the Sammies put astop to this thing. [Illustration: "YOU WALK A POST BUT THERE AINT NO POST"] In the mean time I been doin guard duty. Seems like I been doin it everynight but I know what there up against and I dont say nothin. Guard dutyis something like extemperaneus speakin. You got to know everything yourgoin to say before you start. Its very tecknickle. For instance you walka post but there aint no post. An you mount guard but you dont reallymount nothin. An you turn out the guard but you dont really turn em out. They come out them selves. Just the other night I was walkin alongthinkin of you Mable an my feet which was hurtin. It made me awfullonesome. An officer come up and he says why dont you draw your pistolwhen you here someone comin. An I says I dont wait till the sheep isstole I drew it this afternoon from the Supply sargent. An I showed itto him tucked inside my shirt where noone could get it away from mewithout some tussel, you bet, Mable. But it seems that you got to keepon drawin it all the time. Then later I here footsteps. I was expectinthe relief so I was right on the job. An a man come up and I poked mypistol right in his face an says Halt. Who goes there? And he saysOfficer of the day. An bein disappointed as who wouldnt be I says Ohhell. I thought it was the relief. An he objected to that. The relief, Mable--but whats the use you wouldnt understand it. Theres some mistake up north Mable about the way were built, Mable. Itskind of depresin to think that you could forget about us so quick. Everyones gettin sweters without sleeves and gloves without fingers. Westill got everything we started with Mable. Why not sox without feet andpants without legs. If your makin these things for after the war I thinkyour anticipatin a little. Besides its depresin for the fellos to bereminded all the time. Its like givin a fello a life membership to theOld Soldiers home to cheer him up when he sails. I was sayin the otherday that if the fellos at Washington ever get onto this theyll be issuinsoleles shoes and shirtles sleves. Its gettin awful cold. No wonder this is a healthy place. All the germsis froze. I guess there idea of the hardenin proces is to freeze a fellostiff. The Captin said the other day we was gettin in tents of trainin. Thats all right but Id kind of like to see those steam heated barraks. Youve red about those fellos that go swimmin in the ice in winter. Iguess thed like our shouer baths. They say Cleanliness is next toGodliness, Mable. I say its next to impossible. I started this letter almost a weak ago. I just found it in my bakincan. They call it a bakin can but its too small to bake nothin. I keepmy soap in it. I got some news for you. The regiment is to bedismantled. The Captin called me over this mornin and asked me where Idlike to be transferred. I said home if it was the same to him. So theregoin to send me to the artillery. This is a very dangerous and usefullimb of the servus, Mable. I dont kno my address. Just write me care ofthe General. I got the red muffler that your mother sent me. Give her my love justthe same yours relentlessly, _Bill_. [Illustration: "I JUST FOUND IT IN MY BAKIN CAN"] _Dere Mable_: I havnt rote for some time I had such sore feet lately. When they brokeup our regiment and sent me over to the artillery I thought I was gointo quit usin my feet. That was just another roomor. Thanks for the box of stuff you sent me. I guess the brakeman must haveused it for a chair all the way. It was pretty well baled but that dontmatter. And thanks for the fudge too. That was fudge wasnt it, Mable?And the sox. They dont fit but I can use them for somethin. A goodsoldier never throws nothin away. An thank your mother for the half pairof gloves she sent me. I put them away. Maybe sometime shell get achance to nit the other half. Or if I ever get all my fingers shot offtheyll come in very handy. The artillerys a little different from the infantry. They make us workharder. At least theres more work on the skedule. I know now what theymean when they say that the "artillerys active on the western front. " They got a drill over here called the standin gun drill. The namesmisleadin. I guess it was invented by a troop of Jap akrobats. Theymake you get up and sit on the gun. Before you can get settledcomfortable they make you get down again. It looks like they didnt knowjust what they did want you to do. I dont like the Sargent. I dont like any sargent but this oneparticular. The first day out be kept sayin "Prepare to mount" and then"Mount. " Finally I went up to him and told him that as far as I wasconcerned he could cut that stuff for I was always prepared to do what Iwas told even though it was the middle of the night. He said, Fine, thenI was probably prepared to scrub pans all day Sunday. I dont care much for horses. I think they feels the same way about me. Most of them are so big that the only thing there good for is the viewof the camp you get when you climb up. They are what they call hors decombat in French. My horse died the other day. I guess it wasnt mucheffort for him. If it had been he wouldnt have done it. They got a book they call Drill Regulations Field and Light. Thats aboutas censible as it is all the way through. For instance they say thatwhen the command for action is given one man jumps for the wheel andanother springs for the trail an another leaps for the muzzle. I guessthe fellow that rote the regulations thought we was a bunch ofgrass hoppers. [Illustration: "I DONT LIKE ANY SARGEANT"] [Illustration: "I DONT CARE MUCH FOR HORSES, THEY FEELS THE SAME WAYABOUT ME"] Well I got to quit now an rite a bunch of other girls. Thanks again forthe box although it was so busted that it wasnt much good but thatdont matter. Yours till you here otherwise, _Bill. _ _Dere Mable:_ Todays Thanksgivin. Im thankful things aint no worse though Max Glucoswhat lives on the next cot says they couldnt be. Cheery an bright to thelast. Thats me all over, Mable. Every man gets ateen ounces of Turky on Thanksgivin. All to himself, Mable. The sargent says the commitee on Hays and Beans at Washingtondecides that. Mines inside. Im most to full for expreshun as the poetssay. We had a great dinner. Soup an turky, dressin, crambury sause anpie an smashed potatoes. All in one plate. I wish you could have heardhow the fellos enjoyed it Mable. I know now why they call theturkys gobblers. Thanksgivin is a holiday. All a fello has to do on a holiday in theartillery is to feed the horses an give em a drink an smooth em out antake em for a walk an then feed em an smooth em out an feed em an giveem a drink. It makes a fello feel like givin back a dollar out of hispay at the end of the month. [Illustration: "MAX GLUCOS WHAT LIVES ON THE NEXT COT"] [Illustration: "SMITH ARE YOU LAFFIN AT ME?"] The horses has the softest of anyone, Mable. They dont even have to getup for breakfast in the morning. We bring it to em in a little bagfilled with cereul. You tie this on there face. I guess they aint neverbeen fed before the war broke out. When they see you comin they startjumpin round like starvin sailurs. I dont guess they like cereul. Iwouldnt ether three times a day. I thought theyd give em somethindifferent Thanksgivin but not a chance. There always hopin it ull besomethin else I guess. When they see the same old thing they get soreand try to step on your feet. The sargents stand way behind an say "Go on in. They wont hurt you. " Anthen when they land on your corn they say "Thats to bad. You didnt do itright. " I dont like sargents any better than horses. An I dont kno as Im going to like the Captin much better ether. Theother day I got laffin while I was standin in line. Just laffin tomyself. Not disturbin nobody. The Captin turns round an says "Smith areyou laffin at me?" I says no sir an he says "Well what else was there tolaff at?" Thats the kind of a fello he is. I didn't sass him back ornothin, Mable. Just looked at him an made him feel cheap. I saw himagain in the afternoon. Course I didnt salute. He says "What do you meanby not salutin?" I told him I thought he was mad. Im glad Im not hiswife, Mable. You never know how to take a fello like that. If I hadnt knowed they needed me Id have given him two weaks notise onthe spot. Duty before pleasure though. Thats me all over. We took the guns out to drill the other day. The Captin was talkin aboutindirect firin. Thats the way he is. Nothin straight forward about him. I asked the sargent about it. He said indirect firin was where you shotat one thing an aimed at another. I hate to butt in Mable but it didntseem right. I says I seen the Indien girl in the circus shoot the spotsout of a card over her shoulder but wouldnt it be more censible to cutout the trick stuff till we was more used to the thing. You cant arguewith sargents, though. Day after tomorrows inspecshun. They do it every Saturday. Thats anotherthing Im thankful for. Theres only one Saturday a weak. We pulleverything out an pile it on our cots. Then the Captin an the Sargentcomes in. Every time its the same. He says "Thats very dirty Smithwheres your other shirt. " An I say "I aint got none, sir. " An he says"Sargent make a note of that. " An then the Sargent rites somethin in alittle book. Next time just the same. The Captin says wheres my shirt anthe sargent makes a note. I guess theres somethin in the drillregulations what makes him say that cause I aint got no othershirt yet. Well Mable Im gettin hungry again now. Guess Ill have to stop an buy acouple of pies. We dont get nothin to eat for an hour yet. yours till the ice cracks in the pale, _Bill_. P. S. I had to borrow a stamp for this letter. I went down town yesterdayan spent my last sent on a money belt. Its a good one though. _Dere Mable:_ Rainin today. No drill so Im going to rite you. If I dont get noexercise I go all to pieces. Im back from the artillery into theinfantry. Captin an I had different ideas about runnin things. One of ushad to leave. Hed been there longest. I left. Hot headed. Thats meall over. Were doin baynut drill now. I cant say nothin about it. Its not forwimens ears. We have one place where we hit the Hun in the nose an ripall the decorashuns offen his uniform all in one stroke. Then theresanother where you give him a shave an a round hair cut an end byknocking his hat over his eyes. Then the wiperzup come over with a lotof bums an do the dirty work. I an the rest of the fellos go ahead antake another trench. I havnt been able to find out yet where we take it. Its all worked out cientifick. The fello who doped it out had some bean. The principul of the thing is to get the other fello an not let him getyou. If the allys bad doped out some skeme like this the war would havebeen over now. There wouldnt have been no Huns left. It takes us UncleSammies. Eh Mable? [Illustration: "ONE DAY IT'S OUR TEETH"] There gettin up a thrift campain now Mable. First they sell us enoughLiberty Bonds to buy a brand new army an let us go home. Then they crama lot of insurence at you what wont never do you no good after yourkilled. Then I guess they found that someone still had a couple ofdollars left so they made us send that back home. Now there gettin up athrift campain Mable. They dont want us to spend our money foolish soswe can buy the Singer Buildin or a Ford or somethin like that when thewar is over. Some one say that we was the highest payed army in the world. Besidesall this money we get our bed and board. I guess they dont know that inthe army bed and board mean the same thing. Eh, Mable? Still thesame old Bill. There always inspectin us. I feel like a piece of prize beef. They neverinspect a man all the way through. I guess the inspecters get payed bythe day durin the duration of the inspecshun. One day its our teeth ananother our heart an another our lungs. The other day we was all linedup in the company street and the Sargent says "Inspecshun arms. " I laysdown my gun an rolls up my sleves. Just to show you how tecknickle thearmy is he didnt want to see my arms at all but my gun. Hows a fellogoin to tell, Mable? I went up for thirds at breakfast the other morning as usual an thecook said "You seem to like coffee. " Right away without stoppin to thinkor nothin I says back "Yes thats the reason Im willin to drink so muchhot water to get some. " Eh, Mable? Went to a dance the other night and met some swell girls. I made em alllaff. I says I guess I got the instinks of a soldier all right. Theminit I smell powder Im right on my tows. I havent been very well lately. I guess Ill cut out eatin at meals. Itspoils my appitite for the rest of the day. I kno youll be glad to knomy feet aint hurtin so much. Remember me to the hired girl andyour mother. Yours through the winter, _Bill_. [Illustration: "REMEMBER ME TO YOUR MOTHER"] _Chair Mable:_ Thats French. I didnt expect you to kno what it meant though. TheY. M. C. A. Are learnin me French now. I only had three lessons so far butI can talk it pretty good. You know how quick I am at pickin up any kindof trick stuff like that. The only difference between French and Englishis that there pretty near alike but the French dont pronounce therewords right. When I use French words Ill underline them. Thatll give you some idea ofthe languige. When we get voila as the French say for over there itll come handy to beable to sit down and have a dosy dos with them poilus. (That means chewthe rag in English. ) A poilus Mable is a French peasant girl an they saythat they are very belle. (Now don't mispronounce things an get soretill you know. You pronounce that like the bell in push button. It meansgood lookers. ) There crazy about us fellos. They call us Sammies. Theynamed one of there rivers for us. You have heard of the battle of theSamme. But I dont suppose you have. They have been learnin us a lot about gas at attacks lately. These arenot the kind your father has. These are more like the open places in thestreet on 6th avenoo. Only in the army when anything like this happensthey give you a gas mask. A gas mask is like a cracked ice bag withwindos in it. An in the front they got a cigaret holder. I always heardhow the French was cigaret feends. I guess it got so bad they put in theholders sos they could smoke during a gas attack. Im goin to put on my mask an have my pictur took en cabinet. Thatsnothin to do with furniture, Mable. Its the French for what its goin tolook like when its done. The gas fello said the other day that gas was perfectly safe cause youcould always tell when it was comin. You could hear it escape or see itor smell it. The only trouble was, he said, that when the gas startedthe machine guns made so much noise you couldnt hear it an it alwayscame at night sos you couldnt see it and when you smelled it it was mostto late to bother anyhow. I been thinkin that over. Seems to me theres ajoker in the contract somewhere. Ask your father to read it over an seeif it sound droit (thats French for right) to him. Better still. AskHiggins the grocer to give it the once over. Hes got a grand tete as theFrench say when they mean brains. [Illustration: "NOT THE KIND YOUR FATHER HAS"] [Illustration: "I WEAR THEM EVERY NIGHT OVER MY UNIFORM"] Its getting frappayer and frappayer down here (meaning colder andcolder). It got so cold that I put on those sox that you nitted me. Iguess I wont any more though. I guess my feet are going to look likecorderoy the rest of my life. Youll understand no hard feelin I know. You know how delicate my feet is an how I cant afford to prennez ahazard with them. Thank your mother for the flannel pajammas. I wear them every night overmy uniform. I got to quit now an read some pictur post cards that somegirls sent me. Good night (or as the French say Robe de Nuit). _Dere Mable:_ I havnt rote for some time because I been made an officer. --a corperal. I admit I deserved it. I didnt apply for it or nothin though. They justcome and told me. Bein corperal means I dont have nothin more to do with details. An atthe same time I got more details than ever. Thats a sort of a joke thatus military men understand. You couldnt get it probably Mable. Itstecknickle. Yesterday being Sunday me an a couple of other officers borrowed acouple of mules from the stable Sargent an went for a ride. We saw acabin that they said was a moonshiners hut but it was broad daylight soyou couldnt tell of course. Its still cold. I wish thed hurry up and issue those gas masks. Theydcome in handy these cold nights. The sargent told me that I was goin todo interior guard tonight. I guess Im lucky to get indoor workthis wether. [Illustration: "I BEEN MADE AN OFFICER"] [Illustration: "SOMEBODIED SET A TRUNK ON THE TURKY"] You never saw such a place for roomors. These are army roomors. Theyhavnt got nothin to do with the kind your mother used to take in. Wehere that were going next week an that were not goin at all but weregoin to be used to guard the Chicago stock yards. Then we here that allthe mounted men are goin to be dismounted an all the dismounted men aregoin to be mounted. An that the rest of us are goin to be made cooks. Anwe here that all non coms are goin to be abolished. Its awful hard totell what is goin on. I got your Thanksgivin box two days ago. It was only ten days late. Iguess the post office must have made some mistake. Things is usuallylater than that. It was in good shape except that the insides had beensquoze out of the mince pie and somebodied set a trunk on the turky. Ofcourse I divided it up with my squad. Big hearted. Thats me all over. Imawful popular with my men. They offen say they wish Id be made a Majoror somethin. My men ate up all the stuff. All I saved for my self wasthe white meat an half a mince pie. It certainly tastes good in thefield. Of course we aint in nobodies field. Thats a military expreshun. I cant explain it. I got to quit now an post a guard. At the same time Ill post this letterto you. Thats a joke Mable. Im sorry this letter cant be longer but as aman rises in the army he gets less an less time to hisself. Olive oil. Yours faithlessly, _Bill_. _Mon Cherry Mable:_ Thats the way the French begin there love letters. Its perfectly proper. I would have rote you sooner but me an my fountin pens been froze for aweek. Washington will never know how lucky he was that he got assignedto valley Forge instead of here. It got us out of drill for a couple ofdays. Thats somethin. I guess Id rather freeze than drill. Its awfulwhen they make you do both though. Two of my men has gone home on furlos. Me bein corperal I took all thereblankets. The men didnt like it but I got a squad of men to look out foran my first duty is to keep fit. Duty first. Thats me all over. I got somany blankets now that I got to put a book mark in the place I get in atnight or Id never find it again. We spent most of our time tryin to find somethin to burn up in the Siblystoves. A sibly stove, Mable, is a piece of stove pipe built like theleg of a sailurs trowsers. Old man Sibly must have had a fine mind tothink it out all by hisself. They say he got a patent on it. I guessthat must have been a slack winter in Washington. The governmentgives us our wood but I guess that the man who decided how much itwas goin to give us had an office in the Sandwitch Islands. I says theother day that if theyd dip our allowance in fusfrus wed at least havematches, eh Mable? Im the same old Bill, Mable. Crackin jokes an keepineverybody laffin when things is blackest. [Illustration: "BUILT LIKE THE LEG OF A SAILURS TROWSERS"] I was scoutin round for wood today an burned up those military hairbrushes your mother gave me when we came away. I told her theyd come inmighty handy some day. They say a fello tried to take a shouer the other day. Before he couldget out it froze round him. Like that fello in the bible who turned intoa pillo of salt. They had to break the whole thing offen the pipe withhim inside it an stand it in front of the stove. When it melted hefinished his shouer an said he felt fine. Thats how hard weregettin, Mable. I bought a book on Minor Tackticks the other day. Thats not aboutunderaged tacks that live on ticks as you might suppose, Mable. Its thecience of movin bodies of men from one place to another. I thought itmight tell of some way of gettin the squad out of bed in the morning butit doesnt. All the important stuff like that is camooflaged sos theGermans wont get onto it. Camooflage is not a new kind of cheese Mable. Its a military term. Camooflage is French for cauliflower which is a disguised cabbage. It isthe same thing as puttin powder on your face instead of washin it. Youdeceive Germans with it. For instance you paint a horse black and whitestripes an a German comes along. He thinks its a picket fence an goesright by. Or you paint yourself like a tree an the Germans come an drinkbeer round you an tell military sekruts. Well I guess its time to say Mery Xmas now Mable. I guess it wont be avery Mery Xmas withut me there, eh? Cheer up cause Im goin to think ofyou whenever I get time all day long. Im pretty busy nowdays. I got towatch the men work. It keeps a fello on the jump all the time. I like itthough, Mable. Thats me all over. Isnt it? Dont send me nothin for Christmas, Mable. I bought somethin for you butIm not going to tell you cause its a surprize. All that I can say isthat it cost me four eighty seven ($4. 87) which is more than I couldafford. An its worth a lot more. But you know how I am with money. Aspend drift. So dont send me anything please although I need an electricflash light, some cigarets, candy an one of them sox that you wear onyour head. Ill spend my last sent on anyone I like but I dont want tobe under no obligations. Independent. Thats me all over. [Illustration: "YOU PAINT A HORSE BLACK AND WHITE STRIPES"] You might read this part to your mother. I dont want nothin from herether. Rite soon an plain Mable, cause I dont get much chance to study. yours till the south is warm, _Bill. _ Your mothers present cost me three seventy seven ($3. 77). _Joli Dame:_ Dont get that confused with Tinkers Dam, Mable. Tinkers Dam istecknickle an aint even French. I wish you knew more about these forinlanguiges. I always herd a fello could express himself better in Frenchthan anything else. Thats because nobody can understand him an he cansay anything he wants. The Christmas holidays is over. I spent mine doin Kitchen police. Theonly thing what pealed for me Christmas morning was potatoes an the onlything what rung out was dish cloths. But I guess you aint familiarenough with the poets to get that, Mable. It shows that I can be funnyan bright though even under adversary conditions. Kitchen police dontexplain what I do very well. I dont walk a beet or carry a club orarrest nobody or nothin. I just--well I wish that hired girl of yourscould come down an do Kitchen police for a couple of days. She wouldntbe quitten as regular as she does. [Illustration: "I SPENT MINE DOIN KITCHEN POLICE"] [Illustration: "I WISH THAT HIRED GIRL COULD COME DOWN"] We celebrated Christmas by sleepin till a quarter to seven instead ofhap past six. Only they forgot to tell the fello what blows the horn anhe blew it at hap past six anyway. Imagine if anybody home had told me Icould sleep till a quarter of seven Christmas morning. I guess youknow what Id a told him, eh, Mable? Theres a fello in town what says he'll send flowers anywhere you want bytelegraph. I was goin to send you some for Christmas morning. Then Ifiggered it was a silly idea. In the first place theyd get all smashedon the way. An then you cant get enough flowers in one of them littleenvelopes to make one good smell. Nothin if not right. Thats me allover, Mable. I had dinner in town with Max Glocoses mother. Hes a fello in our tent. Shes a nice enough old lady but she aint military, Mable. We was walkindown the street before dinner an salutin officers so fast it looked likewe was scratchin our forheds. An every time we saluted she bowed. Ididnt say nothin cause after all she was payin for the dinner. Later onthough she says. "I think its fine you boys has made so many friendsamong the officers cause I think there such nice men. " Can you beat itMable? An when she went home she sent Max an officers hat cord cause shesaid she didnt think it would fade as quick as that old blue thing hewas wearin. I like to forgot to thank you for the Christmas presents you an yourmother sent. Im glad you minded what I said about not wantin nothinalthough Id sent you two presents what was worth more than I couldafford ($4. 87). As I said to Joe Loomis who was in the tent when yourpresents came, it aint what the thing cost or wether you could ever useit for anything. Its the thought. Sentiment before pleasure. Thats meall over, Mable. Thanks for the red sweter, Mable. We aint allowed to use them. But youdont want to feel bad about that cause I got lots of others an didntneed it anyway. An tell your mother thanks for the preserves an cake. Ithink thats what they was. They must have packed them between a steamroller and a donkey engin from the looks. Joe Loomis picked out most ofthe glass an tried some. Hed eat anything, that fello, Mable. He said itmust have been pretty good when it started. Tell that to your mother. Iknow it will please her. I got so many presents from other girls an the like that its kind ofhard to remember if you sent me anything else. If you did just tell mein your next letter and Ill thank you when I rite again. I hope my presents arrived all right. I guess you'll like em. You oughtto at the price. As I says to the girl what sold em when she says shedidnt have nothin cheaper "Nothins to good for where there goin. " Isntthat tipical of me, Mable? Well, Mable, perhaps next year Ill send you a Dutch helmit maybe. Itaint no use wishin you a happy New Year cause I know how itll be with meaway an your father what he is. Yours regardless, _Bill. _ _Mon Croquette:_ Thats not the kind with the evenin dress tooth pick in the top, Mable. Acroquette is a French society woman. Study these letters of mine an seehow I use the words. You ought to be able to pick up enough French tounderstand me talkin it when I come home. Well, Mable, New Years are behind us again. Once more I made a lot ofrevolushuns. Its no use sayin there wasnt nothin for me to change. Youreprejudiced. I can see falts where others cant. Underneath a plesantexterior I am made of sterner stuff, as the poets say. I have gave upfrivolity with the exception of goin into town once in a while to take abath. Im strong for this sanity stuff under any conditions. Im makin a study of war. Im goin to tell you a sekrut. Im workin on aplan to end the war. I got thinkin, as I will, an it struck me that noone had gone into this at all. There all figurin how to go on with itbut none of em how to quit it. Dont say nothin till I get it worked out. I guess you always knew youd here from me when I got goin, eh Mable? [Illustration: "A CROQUETTE IS A FRENCH SOCIETY WOMAN"] I also resolved not to put off till tomorrow what I can do today. (Oldmotto. ) For instance if I can get out of a fatigue today whats the useof waitin till tomorrow. The same with sleepin and restin. I cut out cigarets to. I was gettin to be a feend. Got so I had to liteone whenever I got thinkin. I was usin up most a package a day. Nervousan high strung. Thats me all over, Mable. I smoke cigars an a pipeinstead. A fello with an active mind has got to have somethin. Youremember what the fello what trained the high school show said when hesaw me act. Temperature. Thats me. Of course its harder to borrow pipetobacco and cigars but Im tryin to show the fellos how bad cigarets is. Pretty soon Ill be all O. K. Again. I got that watch your father sent me for a New Years present. Tell himthanks very much an not to feel bad because he forgot to send me aChristmas present cause this wipes out the debt entirely. He said it wasa military watch an the latest thing out. I guess they call it amilitary watch cause it works two hours and stops four. Its the latestthing round here. If I answered call by that watch Id be fallin in forretreat round taps. Its so slow it cant stop quick. I got the blacksmith over at headquarters company workin on it now. Hesan awful good man. He was a plumber in civilian life. Thats why theymade him a blacksmith when he joined the army. He says hes goin to fixit sos Ill never be bothered with it again. I got asked to a dinner New Years night. I sat next to a Colonels wife. It was kind of embarassing at first. I put her easy though. I says whosethat funny lookin old bird sittin across the room with a head like anegg. Hes very chic isnt he? (Thats a French joke Mable. ) She says "Thatsmy husband. " As soon as Id stopped laffin I started right in an told herthe history of every man in the company beginnin with the As. You knowme when I get started. I didnt give her no chanst to get embarassed. When she started to say somethin I just kept right on talkin just toshow her that bein a Colonels wife she wasnt expected to make no effort. I made good, Mable. I guess you kno I would. After dinner I heard herask somebody who invited me. Then she said somethin like "Hed ought tobe known better. " Never miss a chance. Thats me all over. It may meanpromoshun or anything. It may be that shell have me sent to Fort Sillyto learn somethin. You cant tell. [Illustration: "I SAT NEXT TO A COLONELS WIFE"] I cant think of anything more that you would understand. Dont show theseletters to kno one. There is to many spize around. I suppose you areawful lonesome without me. I dont get much time to be lonesome what withdrillin an goin out somewhere. As soon as things get shook down a bit Ihope to get more time to miss you. Hows your fathers liver? Au Riviere, _Bill_. _Mon Ami:_ Sounds like a scourin pouder, doesnt it, Mable? As a matter of fact itsthe way a French lady talks to a fello shes awful fond of. Im not an officer any more. I was just goin to resine anyways. TheCaptins been watchin me rise an he didnt like it. He knew I knew morethan him as well as me. Always askin me questions. Id always tell himcause I knew he had a wife and children in Jersey City an so I was sorryfor them. Soft. Thats me all over. But the other day when I was on guardhe says, "Corperal, whats the General orders?" an I says, "Captin if youdont kno them now you never will and I wouldnt be doin no service to mycountry if I told you. " Cold but civil, Mable. You kno how I can be. The Captin just felt cheap an walked away. I kind of felt sorry for him. Almost told him so once or twice. Then I went on guard again. I go onguard a lot. The men like me to be corperal of the guard because whenthe relief goes out I take all their blankets an go right to sleepinstead of standin outside an watchin them freeze. Men hate to bewatched while they are freezin. [Illustration: "MEN HATE TO BE WATCHED WHILE THEY ARE FREEZIN"] But I happened to be outside for some reason, goin to dinner I guess, anI saw the Colonel coming. I says "Turn out the guard. " (No one reallyturns em out, Mable. They come out themselves. ) The Colonel sees who itis an waves an says "Never mind the guard, Corperal. " So I thanks him angoes back to the company an goes to bed. As soon as the Captin sees that the Colonel is savin me up for overthere he gets sore. His plan has been to kill me before we left here. Hesaid he was goin to reduce me. Thats not the same way your fatherreduces when he cuts out beer with his meals an sits in a Turkish allday. I never said you will or you wont. Just waited till he got outsidean thumbed my nose at him. High spirited. Thats me all over. An English officer came over the other day an told us all about the war. He didnt quite finish it cause he only had three quarters of an hour. They was quite a few things I didnt kno even at that. He said that theheavy artillery was commanded by the C. C. O. D. A. An the light artilleryby the C. O. A. An theres a special N. C. O. Who has nothin to do but lookafter the S. A. A. Just imagine, Mable. I wish Id studied chemistree morewhen I was in school. It would make things a lot easier for me now. Then he said that a man always got into his O. O. To observe the actionof the 75s. These English are always great for dress an thatformal stuff. Im glad there tellin us this before we go over. It would have been awfulembarassing to have tried to observe the action of the 75s in my B. V. Ds. I asked him if they had any trouble with the B. P. O. Es. When he left hesaid "Cheero. " Without winkin a hair I says "Beevo. " Same old Bill, eh Mable? They said the other day that my name was on a list to go to school anlearn all about liason. I said there wasnt much use in there doin thatcause I was pretty well up on that stuff. At home, I says, I had areputashun for a devil with the wimen. Nobody knows better than you, ehMable? I guess thats a little over your head though, Mable. I try to beas simple as I can. If Im not just tell me. Im ritin this letter with my shoes off. I hope youll excuse my bein soinformal but Im havin the old trouble with my feet. They never beenright since that winter I taught you to dance. I went to the doctor withthem an he said to keep offen them as much as I could. So they put me towork scrubbin the mess shack on my hans and nees. I bet if a fello hadboth legs shot off theyd prop you up against the wall an put youpeelin onions. [Illustration: "I HAD A REPUTASHUN FOR A DEVIL WITH THE WIMEN"] I got to quit now. They got a thing called retreat they have everynight. I always like to be there just to show the Captin Im behind himregardless. Im sendin you my pictur in a uniform pointin to an American flag. Itskind of simbolical the man said, if you know what that is. I thoughtyoud like to put it on the mantle in a conspikuous place sos to havesomethin to be proud of when your girl friend comes in to talk. Id askyou for your pictur only I havnt got much room for that kind of thingdown here. yours exclusively _Bill. _ _Dere Mable:_ Everyone round here is goin to school now so they can be speshulists. Not the kind your mother goes to, Mable. A speshulist only does onething. I been doin everything round here ever since I came. I was gettinsick of it. I went to the top sargent an says I guessed Id be aspeshulist to. He said all right hed make me a food speshulist. Said Idhave to go into it pretty deep. I been into it up to my elbows in thekitchen ever since. Never trust sargents. Least of all top sargents. Ifit keeps on like this there wont be nobody to do the actual fightin butme, Mable. Its too much responsibilety for one man. Suppose I was to getsick or somethin. An then a bunch of fellos went away to lern to be officers. That kind ofstruck my fancy it bein about the only thing I hadnt done round here. Iwent to the Captin an told him I thought Id go to. He said I could goto, and then he added somethin. [Illustration: "IT SEEMED TO DEPRES THEM AWFUL"] He said a company was built up somethin like a man. There was the brain, which was the officers, an then some was the muscle an some was thebone. He said I seemed to be pretty well fitted for my part by nature sohe wouldnt change me. Ive always been strong ever since I was akid, Mable. Ive rote a pome. I sent it to the Divisun paper. They wouldnt print itcause they said it was so real that it might depres the men. I guessthey was right cause I read it to the fellos in the tent an it seemed todepres them awful. Im ritin it to you. Its about the war. Youll probablynotice that yourself if you read it careful. Here it is. I Here the thunder of the guns Smashin down the German Huns An the sticky pools of gory blood Soakin up the oozie sod The rushin, roarin, shreekin boom Of bullets crashin thru the gloom II Listen to those grate bums bust On the quiverin Hunnish crust Listen to the shreekin, moanin Swearin, yellin, gruntin, groanin That comes to us across the trenches All mixed up with grusome stenches III Biff, an from there hellish lare The shreeks of Germans rent the air. Bloody lims lie on the ground. Bits of Huns go flyin round. Bang! And through the cannons roar Is plainly herd the splashin gore. IV But this cannot go on for long, Cause Uncle Sam is comin strong. An when we charge the German line We'll chuck the dam thing in the Rine. An blood an slauter, rape an gore In Bel Le France will rain no more. Aint that terrible, Mable? I read it to one fello an he said it made himabsolutely sick. He said he didn't see how I could rite it withoutgettin sick myself. Just between me an you Mable I did come pretty nearbeing once or twice when I was ritin it. [Illustration: "IF I CATCH ONE OF THOSE AILIN ENEMIES WINDIN UP YOURVICTROLA"] Most of all thats confidential but I dont care if you read it to some ofyour friends just to give em a good idea of what war is. Some of thethings aint very nice of course. If your ritin big stuff though yougot to put in everything that comes into your head, or else you lose thepunch. I think the ends the best. A lot of fellos has said that. Weought to have more of that. It gets the slackers. The Rine is a German river where they make wine near Berlin, Mable. You keep menshuning a fello named Broggins in your letters. Now I aintgot a spark of jelusy in my nature. Big. Thats me all over, Mable. But Iwarn you frankly. If I ever catch one of those ailin enemies windin upyour victrola Ill kick him out of the house. Thats only fair. It isn'tthat I care a snap. Theres plenty of girls waitin for me. Its just theprincipul of the thing. Dont think for a minit that I care. I just menshun it cause I couldntthink of nothin else to say. Yours till you here otherwise, _Bill. _ _Pom de mon oie:_ You say that like oie yoy in Yiddish. It means apple of my eye. I neversaw an apple in nobodys eye, Mable, but I guess thats someFrench custom. Great news, Mable. A fello whats got a friend in the audience departmentin Washington just told me the wars goin to end about the 15th of Feb. Dont say nothin to nobody about it. It might look as if I was gettinmixed up in politiks. I put in for a furlo on the 5th tho. Then I wonthave to come back, eh Mable? Ill bet your glad. Its great to think ofgettin into a place where you cant see through the walls and there aintthree inches of mud on the floor. An think of not havin to tie the doorstogether when you come in or crawl underneath em on your hans and neesand not havin to put everything you own in the world under the bed. ButI guess you dont care as much about these things as I will. This would be a good trainin camp for artik explorers. I bet the fellothat picks out the camps ether owns a cold storage plant in civil lifeor else they do it by mail order. It got so cold the other night thesilver in the thermometer disappeared. It aint been seen since. [Illustration: "STUCK MY HEAD OUT OF THE BLANKETS"] We got a comical guy in the tent. Bill Huggins. Me an hims a pair. Keepeverybody laffin all the time. Bill likes things hot about as well asme. Every nite he fills the Sibly stove so full of wood that he has tohammer the last piece in. It gets so hot that it jumps up and down likea mad monkey. Thats the way Siblys do when they get awful hot. Were notbothered by that much though. We got another guy thats a fresh air feend. His name is Angus MacKenzie. Hes Scotch. Hes so close himself that he has to have lots of air or hedsmother. Every nite he pulls up the side of the tent by his bed. No onelikes fresh air in its place better than me, Mable, but when its asfresh as this air is its place is outside. I wake up in the nite rolled into a ball like a porkypine. Theys thingsin the middle of my back like his stickers. If I dont move I get cramps. If I do, I freeze. All around the place where Im lyin is as warm as apark bench in winter. Sometimes I forget and push my feet down. That's awful. One night I thought I heard the horn and stuck my head out of theblankets. It was Angus with his head and one arm outside snorin. Can youbeat that. I bet he swims in the ice all winter home and has his picturin the Sunday paper. I froze my ear before I could get my head back. Thats the kind of a fello he is. Its awful cold in the mornin. They blow three calls. The first is justfor the slow guys. I can make it nice from the march if I dont take toomany close off. Thats no temtashun. One guy jumps up just beforeassembly and makes a lot of fuss like hes gettin dressed. He dont foolnobody. The only thing he takes off at nite is his hat. Some says thatfalls off when he gets into bed. Angus gets up every mornin in his BVDs. I think his skin is furlined. You can hear him smashin the ice in the pale with a hair brush outside. Then you can tell hes washin by the noise he makes like a busted steampipe. Then he comes smashin into the tent leavin the door open and wipesthe ice off en his face with somebody elses towel an says gosh thatsgreat. I hate that kind of a fello. Bill Huggins cleaned the stove with his towel last week sos everythingwould be neet for inspecshun. Angus got hold of it in the dark nextmornin. Gee, youd haft laft, Mable. [Illustration: "WHEN I LOOKED IN THE TIN MIRROR I THOUGHT I WASSTARVIN"] I got the little tin mirror you sent, Mable. Its unbreakable all right. Bill Huggins got so mad at it he tried to break it and couldnt. Thefirst time I looked in it I got an awful start. I thought I was starvin. I looked like one of them picturs of hungry Indiens that the mishunariesshow you just before they pass the plate. Bill Huggins swiped it laterand says why didnt somebody tell him he was gettin so fat cause hecouldnt go home on a furlo like that. He didnt eat nothin for threemeals and then he looked at hisseif with the mirror turned the otherway. Its like one of those Coney Island places where a fello can go inand laff at hisself for a dime. Next time send me one that will break. I got to quit now and buy a couple of pies before I go to bed. I dontsleep good less I have a little somethin on my stummick. Dont say nothinabout what I told you in the beginnin. Until the 15th Feb. Then. Yours faithfully, _Bill. _ _Dere Mable:_ The Captin aint goin to give me my furlo. Says theres an order outagainst it. Someones got it in for me, Mable. I bought a wooley coatawful cheap from Bill Huggins. Right away theres an order against em. Angus MacKenzie sold me a pair of leather leggins for less than he paidfor them. Some bargain from Angus. The next day they issue an order thatyou cant wear em. Now they hear I want to go home an put an order outagainst it. If theyd only come right out an say Bill Smith were goin toget you. Sneaky. Thats what I call it, Mable. Ive half a mind to transfer back to the artillery. If I transfer muchmore theyll be chargin me extra fare, eh Mable? Only for me an theCaptin not bein able to agree Id never have left. I understand hes beenawful sorry since. All you have to do in artillery is to put a bullet inthe gun. It does the rest. In the infantry you got to go up and do allthe dirty work yourself. [Illustration: "THEY COME ROUND AND WATCH YOU EAT IT. "] Besides Im gettin leery of these infantry fellos. There always talkingabout what were goin to do to the Germans, blowin em to pieces andslicin em up an throwin em all around the lot. I got thinkin what ifthe Germans was learnin there men to do the same thing. They never seemto figger on these things. An these baynuts, Mable. They aint safe. When you get a lot of fellos ina trench with there baynuts stickin every which way some ones goin toget hurt sure. I got those cigars your father sent me. Thank him an tell him if he evergets takin like that again not to send such a large box but-well youexplain it to him Mable. You can do that sort of thing much better thanI can. Outspoken. Thats me all over, Mable. Why is it that no matter how fussy a fello was when he wore a vest assoon as he begins to call a coat a blouze no one thinks he knows whatswhat. If you got any old magazenes what was old before the war startedsend em to the soldiers. They wont know the difference. Some wimen sentour regiment the Baptist Review for three years back. That aint right, Mable. They give you candy that comes by the bale. Then they come roundan watch you eat it. I bet if you walked into there place an watchedthem eat theyd raise an awful holler. They make speeches to you thatyoud get your money back without askin up north. They give you freemovies thats so old they look as if they was taken in the rain. It seems like feedin the hippo at the zoo, Mable. It dont matter so muchas long as theres lots of it. Im goin into town tonite with a bunch to eat a swell dinner on a chinaplate. All but Angus MacKenzie. He eats all his dinners on me. Im awfulsick of eatin out of a tin fryin pan. When you put food in it it foldsup like a jacknife goin the wrong way. It takes months to make a goodmess kit eater. We get our mess from some fellos what stands behind a counter. One ofthem divides the coffee. He does it by puttin half in your cup an halfon your thumb. The other fellos has big spoons. I guess they are oldLacross players. A big wad of food hits your plate splash an knocks itsquee gee. The other fello hits the other plate an knocks it the otherway. When you get it all its runnin out of one dish up your sleeve anout of the other back into the food pans. Army food always runs. Cooks love loose grub. There awful stupid. Iftheres anything solid you get it in the pan with the rim on it. Thenthey pour the soup on your cover. When you sit down half what you got left spills out on the table. Itisnt so bad now cause everything freezes about as soon as it hits. [Illustration: "ARMY FOOD ALWAYS RUNS"] You ought to see us eat breakfast, Mable. We got so many overcoats andthings on that a fello dont get no elbow action. Some fellos eats withthere wool gloves. That aint a good scheme though. It makes things tastelike eatin peaches with there skins on. The fello that invented our eatin tables must have been a supply Sargentonce. All the seats is nailed to the table. When you get a spoonful ofloose food up some fello puts his foot in your lap and leaves a coupleof pounds of mud there. I just brush it off tho on the next fello. Nevercomplain. Thats me all over. Well Mable I got to shine my shoes now and go and eat offen china plateswith a nigger waiter. I dont eat with a nigger waiter, Mable. Its awfulhard to explain things to you sometimes. So now I will close. Hoping you are the same _Bill_ _Dere Mable:_ I been thinkin of you a lot durin the last weak, Mable, havin nothinelse to do. I been in the hospital with the Bronxitis. I guess I caughtit from Joe Loomis. He comes from there. Id have rote you in bed but Idropped my fountin pen on the floor an bent it. Im all right now. I got some news for you, Mable. The cook says we only drew ten dayssupply of food last time. He says he guesses when we et that up well goto France. Hes an awful smart fello the cook. Hes got a bet on that ifthe allys dont buck up an win the Germans is comin out ahead. MaxGlucos, a fello in the tent, is refere. Were all eatin as fast as wecan. Perhaps we can eat it all in less than ten days. So maybe well begone, Mable, before I rite you from here again. Theres a French sargent comes round once in a while an says the war isgoin to be over quick. He ought to know cause hes been over there anseen the whole thing. He smokes cigarets something awful an dont saymuch. Thats because the poor cus cant talk much English. It must beawful not to talk English. Think of not bein able to say nothin allyour life without wavin your arms round an then lookin it up in adickshunary. [Illustration: "HE SMOKES CIGARETS SOMETHING AWFUL"] I feel so sorry for these fellos that Im studiin French a lot harder sostheyll have someone to talk to when we get over there. Im readin a booknow thats rote all in French. No English in it anywhere, Mable. A fellotold me that was the only way to talk it good. I dont understand it verywell so far. The only way I kno its French is by the picturs. Some dayIm goin to find out what the name is. Then Im goin to get the English ofit. Those are some picturs. Aint I fierce, Mable? I guess thats why Iget on with wimen so well. I gave up readin it out loud cause the fellos said it made em think theywas in Paris so much they got restles. I cant speak no better yet. Iguess that comes all at once at the end of the book. As soon as we got the hot shouers all fixed the pipes busted. So theother day the Captin walked us all in town to take a bath. I didnt needone much. I used my head more than most of em. Last fall when it waswarm I took as many as two a week an got away ahead of the game. I wentalong though. More for the walk than anything. I saw the Captin didnt make no move to take a bath hisself. I thought hemight be shy. He dont mix very well with the fellos. I felt sorry forhim. Everyone else was laffin an throwin things with him standin off annoone throwin a thing at him. I went up an says "Aint you goin to take abath this winter to, Captin?" Just jolly, Mable, that all. I says, "Youdont want to mind the bunch. They dont care a bit. There as dirty as youare anyway. Probably more. " An I bet they were Mable cause I aint seenthe Captin do a stroke of work since we come here. Just stands roundgivin orders. I says, "If noone wont lend you a towel you can use mine. I was justgoin to have it washed anyway. " He got awful red and embarassed Mable. Ithought he was goin to choke. Hes awful queer. Just like the other mornin he calls me over an says, "Smith, myorderlies sick. You can shine my boots this mornin. " He said it like Idbeen beggin him to for a month. An then he says, "Smith you can lite thefire in my stove. " He had me thinkin he was doin me favors. He said Imight put some oil on his boots if I wished. I says that would be agreat treat an I wished he wouldnt be so kind or the fellos would thinkhe was playin favorites. I guess he didnt here me Mable cause hed justgone out. I said it anyway. I didnt care if he wasnt there. Spunky. Thats me all over. [Illustration: "I POURED SOME OIL OUT OF HIS LAMP"] I couldnt find no oil for his boots anywhere, Mable, so I poured someout of his lamp. An then I dont think that suited him. Queer fellothe Captin. I keep herein more about this fello Broggins. I suppose he belongs tothe Home Guards an wares his uniform round in the evenin. An I supposehe has an American flag on his ritin paper. It dont mean nothin in mylife. I aint goin to put up no arguments or get nasty like most felloswould. Dignity. Thats me all over, Mable. Let me tell you though if Iever come home and find him shinin his elbos on the top of your babygrand Ill kick him down the front steps if I only have one leg to doit with. Im ritin this in the Y. M. C. A. In the afternoon cause Im goin on guardtonite. I dont see why they dont make it a permenant detail and be donewith it. Someone said the top sargents a man of one idea. I guess Im theidea. I didnt go out to drill this afternoon. I didnt say nothin to theSargent though cause sargents have an idea that if they dont get a lotof fellos to go out to drill with them they dont look popular. I got togo new sos to get in my tent before they come from drill. As ever on guard, _Bill. _ _Dere Mable:_ I would have rote sooner but I had such a cold I couldnt say nothin formost a weak. Well Mable, we et all the food like the cook said but we aint in Franceyet. I guess he aint got as many brains as he said he had. Everyone issore at him cause we didnt kick at none of his food for more than a weakthinkin that when wed et it all wed go away. He thinks its funny an says"Do youse guys think this war is a Cooks tour?" I hate fellos what triesto get out of things by bein smart. Everythings covered with mud includin me. I seem to attract mud like Iwas a maggot, Mable. Yesterday I spent all the afternoon shinin up forguard sos to be the Colonels orderly. Then I step out of the tent andflui. The Sargent says, "Smith dont you know enuff not to go on guardlookin like that?" I even got mud in my hair. Max Glucos says when he combs his its likerakin out a garden. From what I seen of him though I dont see how hefound out. [Illustration: "I EVEN GOT MUD IN MY HAIR"] [Illustration: "THE WATER COMES THROUGH ON ME"] Its pourin rain an awful cold. Its so cold that the tooth past rollsright offen your brush in the morning. The Captin has a cold in hisnose. He says he wont take the men out in such bad wether as today. Taint nothin gainst him Mable but I hope he has a cold all winter. Theres a hole in the tent over my cot where the water comes through onme. I put a slicker over me last nite. The water made puddles in it. Then when I turned over they spilt out into my shoes. This had meguessin Mable till finally I put Max Glucoses shoes there instead ofmine. Angus MacKenzie had so many holes over his cot that it looked likeone of those safety fire sprinklers. He got up last nite and rigged hisshelter half sos the water hit it an run down onto the next cot. Hes abrite fello, Angus, even if he is a forener. The other day he had some medecine for a cold. It says on the bottlethat it was 17 per cent alcohol. He drank the whole thing right down sosnobody couldnt get hold of it. It made him awful sick but he says thatsbecause he isnt used to it for such a long time. Me an hims goin downnext week to put in a stock of tonics. Its awful hard to rite letters, Mable. Somebodys always fallin over your feet or draggin something wetover the paper if youve got a cot near the door like mine is. An whenyou get goin finally at about the fourth try some sargent always comesin with a list and makes you check up something. Sometimes I go over to the Y. M. C. A. , Mable. But as soon as you get ritina bald headed fello jumps up an says "Now fellos well all sing. " All thefellos whats ritin looks up an says "Aw one thing and another. " I dontknow who the bald headed fello is. They got one in every Y. M. C. A. Theyall look about alike. I guess there a regular issue. Theys always abunch of fellos what dont seem to kno why they came. They all startsingin. Then I cant rite no more or do nothin. So I come home an go tobed. Independent. Thats me all over, Mable. Most of the taxis is swalowed up in the mud. Theys only two or threerunnin now. Only the big strong fellos can get to town. The cook saysits the old theory of the arrival of the fittest. But I guess you dontknow nothin about cience, Mable. When I go to town I wrap my blouze in anewspaper. If they know your goin they give you a list of things to getthat looks like a Chinese Message to Congress. By the time you go tocome home you got so many bundles you look like one of those fellos inthe Funny Papers. Everyone stands in the square lookin like a hat rackwaitin for the three taxis to come along. When they see one they rushit like they do in the movies when the milunares cars runs over the poorfellos kid. If goin over the top is any worse than gettin under the topof one of them things with fifty bundles an as many fellos then Shermandidnt know many swear words, eh Mable? But thats history. I guess youwouldnt understand. An then when you get home without a bath or a hair cut or the movies ornothin, an you forgot to get that shavin soap for yourself an spent allyour money they say "Thanks Bill. Put it over there. Can you change aten dollar bill?" There ought to be a law against makin money in suchbig numbers. Im glad you taken up singin lessons again. You ought to take a lot ofem. I got a favor to ask. I dont do that offen. Proud. Thats me allover. But if that fello Broggins keeps buttin round sing for him Mable. It aint askin much with me down here defendin you. Although I dont seewhy I had to come down here to do it. Yours internally, _Bill. _ _Dere Mable:_ This is the last time I will ever take my pen in hand for you. All isover among us. I felt it comin for some time Mable. Today among some letters that I gotfrom girls was one from a girl what knos you well. She told me all aboutthis fello Broggins. She says you take him around with you everywhere. Thats the kind of a fello I thought he was, Mable, but Im surprized atyou. She says your awful fond of him hes so cute. I aint cute an aintnever pretended to be. A mans man. Thats me all over, Mable. She saysshe went up to your house the other night an he was sittin in your lapstickin his tongue out at my pictur on the mantlepiece. After that, Mable, theres nothin to say. So I repeat, its all over among us. Im returnin today by parcels post the red sweter an the gloves that hasno fingers an the sox that you wear over your head an your pictur. Mostof the stuff aint been used much. The pictur has some mud on it cause Ihad to keep it in the bottom of my barrak bag an my shoes came next. Thesox I cant send back cause I sold em to Joe Glucos an you wouldntwant em now. [Illustration: "THE LAST TIME I WILL TAKE MY PEN IN HAND FOR YOU"] The stuff that you sent me to eat I havnt kept. I guess you wouldnt wantthat anyway Mable. The stuff that your mother sent me Im going to keep. She wasnt my girl an she didnt have to send all that stuff if shedidnt want to. As for all the things I have give you, Mable, keep em. I dont want em nomore. I aint even goin to menshun all the money Ive spent on you formovies an sodas an the Lord knows what not. I aint the kind of a felloto throw that up to a fello or even menshun it in no ways. I kept trackof it though in a little book. It comes to $28. 27 and some odd sense. An I aint agoin to hold it up against you that I been savin in the bankfor most two years sos to have a little somethin towards that house withthe green blinds. An that I got somethin like $87. 22 in the bank if youcan believe what that eagle beak in the cage rites in your book. Allwasted you might say, when you think of the fun I might have had with itin the last two years. Those things we'll just forget. You seem tohave already. An that seasons pass I got for you for the Happyhour sos you could keepin touch with things while I was away. Keep that and take Broggins. Otherwise I got a hunch you aint goin to the movies as much as youused to. I guess this will hit your father an mother pretty hard. They got nobodyto blame but yourself. On the other hand its goin to please some girlsthat I know. So its a poor wind that dont blow nobody round as the poetssay. I guess you wont here much about the poets any more, Mable. Aboutall youll here is Broggins. I hate a man what talks about himself. I suppose he has joined the Home defence. Are you goin to have amilitary weddin, Mable? Im kind of sorry for your father. If you have his liver on your handsdont blame me. You know the doctor said any kind of a shock would sethim off a mile. An now, Mable, Im closin for the last time. It wont be no use runin tothe door when you here the postman no more cause he wont have nothin butthe gas bill. From now on the only way youll here from me is in thepapers perhaps when we get over there. Now Im going to ask you a favor, Mable, for old times sake. Take thepictur I had taken pointin to the American flag an burn it up. You canthave that to show your friends no more an I aint goin to have no flatfoot makin faces at it. I may be selfish, Mable, but a girl cant make acake an eat it too as the old sayin is. [Illustration: "IT WONT BE NO USE RUNIN TO THE DOOR"] Give my best to your father an mother. Tell em I simpathize with themin there loss. Its no use ritin any more cause Im firm as the rock ofGibber Alter. Concrete. Thats me all over, Mable. as ever yours no longer Bill WESTERN UNIONTELEGRAM RECEIVED AT Philopolis, N. Y. Miss Mable Gimp 106 Main Street Philopolis, N. Y. Dere Mable: How was I to knowBroggins was a dog. You can sendback all your stuff and make me somemore if you want to. This telegramis costing me nine cents a word so Icant say no more now. Thrifty. Thats me all over, Mable. Bill.