Death Wish

By NED LANG

Illustrated by WEISS

 Compared with a spaceship in distress, going to hell in a handbasket is roomy and slow!

The space freighter _Queen Dierdre_ was a great, squat, pockmarkedvessel of the Earth-Mars run and she never gave anyone a bit of trouble. That should have been sufficient warning to Mr. Watkins, her engineer. Watkins was fond of saying that there are two kinds of equipment--thekind that fails bit by bit, and the kind that fails all at once. 

Watkins was short and red-faced, magnificently mustached, and always alittle out of breath. With a cigar in his hand, over a glass of beer, hetalked most cynically about his ship, in the immemorial fashion ofengineers. But in reality, Watkins was foolishly infatuated with_Dierdre_, idealized her, humanized her, and couldn't conceive ofanything serious ever happening. 

On this particular run, _Dierdre_ soared away from Terra at the properspeed; Mr. Watkins signaled that fuel was being consumed at the properrate; and Captain Somers cut the engines at the proper moment indicatedby Mr. Rajcik, the navigator. 

As soon as Point Able had been reached and the engines stopped, Somersfrowned and studied his complex control board. He was a thin andmeticulous man, and he operated his ship with mechanical perfection. Hewas well liked in the front offices of Mikkelsen Space Lines, where OldMan Mikkelsen pointed to Captain Somers' reports as models of neatnessand efficiency. On Mars, he stayed at the Officers' Club, eschewing thestews and dives of Marsport. On Earth, he lived in a little Vermontcottage and enjoyed the quiet companionship of two cats, a Japanesehouseboy, and a wife. 

 * * * * *

His instructions read true. And yet he sensed something wrong. Somersknew every creak, rattle and groan that _Dierdre_ was capable of making. During blastoff, he had heard something _different_. In space, somethingdifferent had to be wrong. 

"Mr. Rajcik, " he said, turning to his navigator, "would you check thecargo? I believe something may have shifted. "

"You bet, " Rajcik said cheerfully. He was an almost offensively handsomeyoung man with black wavy hair, blasé blue eyes and a cleft chin. Despite his appearance, Rajcik was thoroughly qualified for hisposition. But he was only one of fifty thousand thoroughly qualified menwho lusted for a berth on one of the fourteen spaceships in existence. Only Stephen Rajcik had had the foresight, appearance and fortitude tocourt and wed Helga, Old Man Mikkelsen's eldest daughter. 

Rajcik went aft to the cargo hold. _Dierdre_ was carrying transistorsthis time, and microfilm books, platinum filaments, salamis, and otheritems that could not as yet be produced on Mars. But the bulk of herspace was taken by the immense Fahrensen Computer. 

Rajcik checked the positioning lines on the monster, examined the staysand turnbuckles that held it in place, and returned to the cabin. 

"All in order, Boss, " he reported to Captain Somers, with the smile thatonly an employer's son-in-law can both manage and afford. 

"Mr. Watkins, do you read anything?"

Watkins was at his own instrument panel. "Not a thing, sir. I'll vouchfor every bit of equipment in _Dierdre_. "

"Very well. How long before we reach Point Baker?"

"Three minutes, Chief, " Rajcik said. 

"Good. "

The spaceship hung in the void, all sensation of speed lost for lack ofa reference point. Beyond the portholes was darkness, the true color ofthe Universe, perforated by the brilliant lost points of the stars. 

Captain Somers turned away from the disturbing reminder of his extremefinitude and wondered if he could land _Dierdre_ without shifting thecomputer. It was by far the largest, heaviest and most delicate piece ofequipment ever transported in space. 

He worried about that machine. Its value ran into the billions ofdollars, for Mars Colony had ordered the best possible, a machine whoseutility would offset the immense transportation charge across space. Asa result, the Fahrensen Computer was perhaps the most complex andadvanced machine ever built by Man. 

"Ten seconds to Point Baker, " Rajcik announced. 

"Very well. " Somers readied himself at the control board. 

"Four--three--two--one--fire!"

 * * * * *

Somers activated the engines. Acceleration pressed the three men backinto their couches, and more acceleration, and--shockingly--still moreacceleration. 

"The fuel!" Watkins yelped, watching his indicators spinning. 

"The course!" Rajcik gasped, fighting for breath. 

Captain Somers cut the engine switch. The engines continued firing, pressing the men deeper into their couches. The cabin lights flickered, went out, came on again. 

And still the acceleration mounted and _Dierdre's_ engines howled inagony, thrusting the ship forward. Somers raised one leaden hand andinched it toward the emergency cut-off switch. With a fantasticexpenditure of energy, he reached the switch, depressed it. 

The engines stopped with dramatic suddenness, while tortured metalcreaked and groaned. The lights flickered rapidly, as though _Dierdre_were blinking in pain. They steadied and then there was silence. 

Watkins hurried to the engine room. He returned morosely. 

"Of all the damn things, " he muttered. 

"What was it?" Captain Somers asked. 

"Main firing circuit. It fused on us. " He shook his head. "Metalfatigue, I'd say. It must have been flawed for years. "

"When was it last checked out?"

"Well, it's a sealed unit. Supposed to outlast the ship. Absolutelyfoolproof, unless--"

"Unless it's flawed. "

"Don't blame it on me! Those circuits are supposed to be X-rayed, heat-treated, fluoroscoped--you just can't trust machinery!"

At last Watkins believed that engineering axiom. 

"How are we on fuel?" Captain Somers asked. 

"Not enough left to push a kiddy car down Main Street, " Watkins saidgloomily. "If I could get my hands on that factory inspector ... "

Captain Somers turned to Rajcik, who was seated at the navigator's desk, hunched over his charts. "How does this affect our course?"

Rajcik finished the computation he was working on and gnawedthoughtfully at his pencil. 

"It kills us. We're going to cross the orbit of Mars before Mars getsthere. "

"How long before?"

"Too long. Captain, we're flying out of the Solar System like theproverbial bat out of hell. "

 * * * * *

Rajcik smiled, a courageous, devil-may-care smile which Watkins foundsingularly inappropriate. 

"Damn it, man, " he roared, "don't just leave it there. We've got alittle fuel left. We can turn her, can't we? You _are_ a navigator, aren't you?"

"I am, " Rajcik said icily. "And if I computed my courses the way youmaintain your engines, we'd be plowing through Australia now. "

"Why, you little company toady! At least I got my job legitimately, notby marrying--"

"That's enough!" Captain Somers cut in. 

Watkins, his face a mottled red, his mustache bristling, looked like awalrus about to charge. And Rajcik, eyes glittering, was waitinghopefully. 

"No more of this, " Somers said. "I give the orders here. "

"Then give some!" Watkins snapped. "Tell him to plot a return curve. This is life or death!"

"All the more reason for remaining cool. Mr. Rajcik, can you plot such acourse?"

"First thing I tried, " Rajcik said. "Not a chance, on the fuel we haveleft. We can turn a degree or two, but it won't help. "

Watkins said, "Of course it will! We'll curve back into the SolarSystem!"

"Sure, but the best curve we can make will take a few thousand years forus to complete. "

"Perhaps a landfall on some other planet--Neptune, Uranus--"

Rajcik shook his head. "Even if an outer planet were in the right placeat the right time, we'd need fuel--a lot of fuel--to get into a brakingorbit. And if we could, who'd come get us? No ship has gone past Marsyet. "

"At least we'd have a chance, " Watkins said. 

"Maybe, " Rajcik agreed indifferently. "But we can't swing it. I'm afraidyou'll have to kiss the Solar System good-by. "

Captain Somers wiped his forehead and tried to think of a plan. Hefound it difficult to concentrate. There was too great a discrepancybetween his knowledge of the situation and its appearance. Heknew--intellectually--that his ship was traveling out of the SolarSystem at a tremendous rate of speed. But in appearance they werestationary, hung in the abyss, three men trapped in a small, hot room, breathing the smell of hot metal and perspiration. 

"What shall we do, Captain?" Watkins asked. 

 * * * * *

Somers frowned at the engineer. Did the man expect him to pull asolution out of the air? How was he even supposed to concentrate on theproblem? He had to slow the ship, turn it. But his senses told him thatthe ship was not moving. How, then, could speed constitute a problem?

He couldn't help but feel that the real problem was to get away fromthese high-strung, squabbling men, to escape from this hot, smellylittle room. 

"Captain! You must have some idea!"

Somers tried to shake his feeling of unreality. The problem, the realproblem, he told himself, was how to stop the ship. 

He looked around the fixed cabin and out the porthole at the unmovingstars. _We are moving very rapidly_, he thought, unconvinced. 

Rajcik said disgustedly, "Our noble captain can't face the situation. "

"Of course I can, " Somers objected, feeling very light-headed andunreal. "I can pilot any course you lay down. That's my only realresponsibility. Plot us a course to Mars!"

"Sure!" Rajcik said, laughing. "I can! I will! Engineer, I'm going toneed plenty of fuel for this course--about ten tons! See that I get it!"

"Right you are, " said Watkins. "Captain, I'd like to put in arequisition for ten tons of fuel. "

"Requisition granted, " Somers said. "All right, gentlemen, responsibility is inevitably circular. Let's get a grip on ourselves. Mr. Rajcik, suppose you radio Mars. "

When contact had been established, Somers took the microphone and statedtheir situation. The company official at the other end seemed to havetrouble grasping it. 

"But can't you turn the ship?" he asked bewilderedly. "Any kind of anorbit--"

"No. I've just explained that. "

"Then what do you propose to do, Captain?"

"That's exactly what I'm asking you. "

There was a babble of voices from the loudspeaker, punctuated by burstsof static. The lights flickered and reception began to fade. Rajcik, working frantically, managed to re-establish the contact. 

"Captain, " the official on Mars said, "we can't think of a thing. If youcould swing into any sort of an orbit--"

"I can't!"

"Under the circumstances, you have the right to try anything at all. Anything, Captain!"

Somers groaned. "Listen, I can think of just one thing. We could bailout in spacesuits as near Mars as possible. Link ourselves together, take the portable transmitter. It wouldn't give much of a signal, butyou'd know our approximate position. Everything would have to be figuredpretty closely--those suits just carry twelve hours' air--but it's achance. "

 * * * * *

There was a confusion of voices from the other end. Then the officialsaid, "I'm sorry, Captain. "

"What? I'm telling you it's our one chance!"

"Captain, the only ship on Mars now is the _Diana_. Her engines arebeing overhauled. "

"How long before she can be spaceborne?"

"Three weeks, at least. And a ship from Earth would take too long. Captain, I wish we could think of something. About the only thing we cansuggest--"

The reception suddenly failed again. 

Rajcik cursed frustratedly as he worked over the radio. Watkins gnawedat his mustache. Somers glanced out a porthole and looked hurriedlyaway, for the stars, their destination, were impossibly distant. 

They heard static again, faintly now. 

"I can't get much more, " Rajcik said. "This damned reception.... Whatcould they have been suggesting?"

"Whatever it was, " said Watkins, "they didn't think it would work. "

"What the hell does that matter?" Rajcik asked, annoyed. "It'd give ussomething to do. "

They heard the official's voice, a whisper across space. 

"Can you hear ... Suggest ... "

At full amplification, the voice faded, then returned. "Can only suggest... Most unlikely ... But try ... Calculator ... Try ... "

[Illustration]

The voice was gone. And then even the static was gone. 

"That does it, " Rajcik said. "The calculator? Did he mean the FahrensenComputer in our hold?"

"I see what he meant, " said Captain Somers. "The Fahrensen is a veryadvanced job. No one knows the limits of its potential. He suggests wepresent our problem to it. "

"That's ridiculous, " Watkins snorted. "This problem has no solution. "

"It doesn't seem to, " Somers agreed. "But the big computers have solvedother apparently impossible problems. We can't lose anything by trying. "

"No, " said Rajcik, "as long as we don't pin any hopes on it. "

"That's right. We don't dare hope. Mr. Watkins, I believe this is yourdepartment. "

"Oh, what's the use?" Watkins asked. "You say don't hope--but both ofyou are hoping anyhow! You think the big electronic god is going to saveyour lives. Well, it's not!"

"We have to try, " Somers told him. 

"We don't! I wouldn't give it the satisfaction of turning us down!"

 * * * * *

They stared at him in vacant astonishment. 

"Now you're implying that machines think, " said Rajcik. 

"Of course I am, " Watkins said. "Because they do! No, I'm not out of myhead. Any engineer will tell you that a complex machine has apersonality all its own. Do you know what that personality is like?Cold, withdrawn, uncaring, unfeeling. A machine's only purpose is tofrustrate desire and produce two problems for every one it solves. Anddo you know why a machine feels this way?"

"You're hysterical, " Somers told him. 

"I am not. A machine feels this way because it _knows_ it is anunnatural creation in nature's domain. Therefore it wishes to reachentropy and cease--a mechanical death wish. "

"I've never heard such gibberish in my life, " Somers said. "Are yougoing to hook up that computer?"

"Of course. I'm a human. I keep trying. I just wanted you to understand_fully_ that there is no hope. " He went to the cargo hold. 

After he had gone, Rajcik grinned and shook his head. "We'd better watchhim. "

"He'll be all right, " Somers said. 

"Maybe, maybe not. " Rajcik pursed his lips thoughtfully. "He's blamingthe situation on a machine personality now, trying to absolve himself ofguilt. And it _is_ his fault that we're in this spot. An engineer isresponsible for all equipment. "

"I don't believe you can put the blame on him so dogmatically, " Somersreplied. 

"Sure I can, " Rajcik said. "I personally don't care, though. This is asgood a way to die as any other and better than most. "

Captain Somers wiped perspiration from his face. Again the notion cameto him that the problem--the _real_ problem--was to find a way out ofthis hot, smelly, motionless little box. 

Rajcik said, "Death in space is an appealing idea, in certain ways. Imagine an entire spaceship for your tomb! And you have a variety ofways of actually dying. Thirst and starvation I rule out asunimaginative. But there are possibilities in heat, cold, implosion, explosion--"

"This is pretty morbid, " Somers said. 

 * * * * *

"I'm a pretty morbid fellow, " Rajcik said carelessly. "But at least I'mnot blaming inanimate objects, the way Watkins is. Or permitting myselfthe luxury of shock, like you. " He studied Somers' face. "This is yourfirst real emergency, isn't it, Captain?"

"I suppose so, " Somers answered vaguely. 

"And you're responding to it like a stunned ox, " Rajcik said. "Wake up, Captain! If you can't live with joy, at least try to extract somepleasure from your dying. "

"Shut up, " Somers said, with no heat. "Why don't you read a book orsomething?"

"I've read all the books on board. I have nothing to distract me exceptan analysis of your character. "

Watkins returned to the cabin. "Well, I've activated your big electronicgod. Would anyone care to make a burned offering in front of it?"

"Have you given it the problem?"

"Not yet. I decided to confer with the high priest. What shall I requestof the demon, sir?"

"Give it all the data you can, " Somers said. "Fuel, oxygen, water, food--that sort of thing. Then tell it we want to return to Earth. Alive, " he added. 

"It'll love that, " Watkins said. "It'll get such pleasure out ofrejecting our problem as unsolvable. Or better yet--insufficient data. In that way, it can hint that a solution is possible, but just outsideour reach. It can keep us hoping. "

Somers and Rajcik followed him to the cargo hold. The computer, activated now, hummed softly. Lights flashed swiftly over its panels, blue and white and red. 

Watkins punched buttons and turned dials for fifteen minutes, then movedback. 

"Watch for the red light on top, " he said. "That means the problem isrejected. "

"Don't say it, " Rajcik warned quickly. 

Watkins laughed. "Superstitious little fellow, aren't you?"

"But not incompetent, " Rajcik said, smiling. 

"Can't you two quit it?" Somers demanded, and both men turned startedlyto face him. 

"Behold!" Rajcik said. "The sleeper has awakened. "

"After a fashion, " said Watkins, snickering. 

Somers suddenly felt that if death or rescue did not come quickly, theywould kill each other, or drive each other crazy. 

"Look!" Rajcik said. 

 * * * * *

A light on the computer's panel was flashing green. 

"Must be a mistake, " said Watkins. "Green means the problem is solvablewithin the conditions set down. "

"Solvable!" Rajcik said. 

"But it's impossible, " Watkins argued. "It's fooling us, leading uson--"

"Don't be superstitious, " Rajcik mocked. "How soon do we get thesolution?"

"It's coming now. " Watkins pointed to a paper tape inching out of a slotin the machine's face. "But there must be something wrong!"

They watched as, millimeter by millimeter, the tape crept out. Thecomputer hummed, its lights flashing green. Then the hum stopped. Thegreen lights blazed once more and faded. 

"What happened?" Rajcik wanted to know. 

"It's finished, " Watkins said. 

"Pick it up! Read it!"

"You read it. You won't get _me_ to play its game. "

Rajcik laughed nervously and rubbed his hands together, but didn't move. Both men turned to Somers. 

"Captain, it's your responsibility. "

"Go ahead, Captain!"

Somers looked with loathing at his engineer and navigator. _His_responsibility, everything was _his_ responsibility. Would they neverleave him alone?

He went up to the machine, pulled the tape free, read it with slowdeliberation. 

"What does it say, sir?" Rajcik asked. 

"Is it--possible?" Watkins urged. 

"Oh, yes, " Somers said. "It's possible. " He laughed and looked around atthe hot, smelly, low-ceilinged little room with its locked doors andwindows. 

"What is it?" Rajcik shouted. 

 * * * * *

Somers said, "You figured a few thousand years to return to the SolarSystem, Rajcik? Well, the computer agrees with you. Twenty-three hundredyears, to be precise. Therefore, it has given us a suitable longevityserum. "

"Twenty-three hundred years, " Rajcik mumbled. "I suppose we hibernate orsomething of the sort. "

"Not at all, " Somers said calmly. "As a matter of fact, this serum doesaway quite nicely with the need for sleep. We stay awake and watch eachother. "

The three men looked at one another and at the sickeningly familiar roomsmelling of metal and perspiration, its sealed doors and windows thatstared at an unchanging spectacle of stars. 

Watkins said, "Yes, that's the sort of thing it would do. "

 --NED LANG

Transcriber's Note:

 This etext was produced from _Galaxy Science Fiction_ June 1956. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U. S. Copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and typographical errors have been corrected without note.