[Illustration: Cover: COMICAL PEOPLE] COMICAL PEOPLE. COMICAL PEOPLE ILLUSTRATED WITH SIXTEEN PICTURES TAKEN FROM THE EMBROIDERED TAPESTRY CONTRIBUTED BY MARIA FUSINATA, OF BELLUNO, TO THE GREAT EXHIBITION. Drawn and Grouped from the Designs OF J. J. GRANDVILLE. LONDON: DAVID BOGUE, 86 FLEET STREET. MDCCCLII. CONTENTS. PAGE LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL 1 THE LORD OF THE MANOR 13 MY NEIGHBOURS. A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT 17 THE DE MOUSAS. A TALE 27 ROOKWOOD HALL 33 CITY PEOPLE 37 THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER 41 THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION 46 ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION 49 MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY 53 ILLUSTRATIONS. PAGE LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL (_Double Plate_) _Frontispiece_ THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE 5 LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW 7 THE POACHER 13 THE DUEL BETWEEN MR. CHANTICLEER AND YOUNG LEVERETT 17 MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ. 23 THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER 25 THE DE MOUSAS 27 THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT 33 MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS 37 MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO 41 THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION 47 LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON VISITORS 49 THE WALK TO HIGHGATE 53 THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN 55 PREFACE. AMONG the contributions to the Great Exhibition which, from theirposition, did not acquire that popularity and praise which was due tothem, were some fine specimens of embroidery from Vienna and varioustowns in Austria. Hung high up, beyond the glance of the casual observer, theelaborately-worked tapestry of Maria Fusinata attracted littleattention. Those, however, who had the good fortune to notice it werealways delighted with the excellent adaptation of the clever designs ofGrandville, which the embroiderer had so faithfully rendered. Theexpression of the animals was most cleverly given, and the brightness ofthe colours added much to the effect of the compositions. Had Ploucquet added some of these designs to his "Reynard the Fox, " hewould have increased the attraction of his show, deservedly popular asit was. Grandville, in these delineations of the faculties of animals, is quite equal to Kaulbach; and, though the French artist had not thehonour of having his pictures copied in stuffed animals, they arethought to be quite worthy of being formed into a volume as a sequel tothe "Comical Creatures from Wurtemberg. " LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL. HEIGH-HO! well, I am at home again at last. I wonder if I am the sameinnocent little Linnet that left these bowers only three months ago. What have I seen, where have I been?--or rather, What have I not seen, where have I not been? I have visited China and Peru, Nova Scotia, Trinidad, and Tuscany; I have been to Sweden, Egypt, Germany, andMexico, and I have some recollections of Sardinia, and the UnitedStates. This is good travelling for three months, is it not? Let me think: how shall I tell you about it? I will begin at thebeginning-- Three months ago, as I was sitting in our summer-house, warbling one ofmy newest songs, our page Tom--Tom-tit we call him, he is such a funnylittle fellow--brought me a letter that had just been left by thepostboy. I have it by heart. "My dear little Songbird, "--this is a name they gave to me from myinfancy, for they say I could sing before I could speak, --"My dearlittle Songbird, " thus the letter began, "All the world is coming toLondon this spring to see the most wonderful of sights; try and persuademy dear sister, that kind Mamma of yours, to let you pay yourlong-promised visit to me. You must come in May, and you may stay withme as long as you can bear to be away from your delightful home. Let meknow when I may expect you. "Your loving Aunt, "JENNY GOLDFINCH. " And I remember that the envelope was addressed, "Lady Linnet, GorseBush, Somersetshire;" and that in the left-hand corner there waswritten, "For Miss Linnet. " Did not I fly to my "kind Mamma" as soon as I had read this note, andwhen she had consented that I should go to see that dear old Aunt ofmine in London, did not I half smother her with kisses. I thought thefirst of May would never come, --but it did; and Tom-tit was sent toLondon with me by the railway to take care of me. My good Aunt received me with the greatest kindness, and her sonDrinkwater, one of the handsomest young fellows I ever saw in my life, began whispering compliments to me as soon as ever we were lefttogether. I had a lovely little boudoir entirely for my own use, and mypage Tom-tit had nothing else to do but wait on me. My cousinDrinkwater and I were soon great friends; he took me to the Opera, where I listened to singing such as I had never heard at Gorse Bush; hetook me to the Chiswick Fête, where I saw flowers such as I had neverdreamed of; and he took me--how many times? well, I can't recollect--tothat dear, delightful Crystal Palace, where we visited more foreigncountries than I knew of in my Geography, and where we often foundourselves quite alone, looking at those charming seeds from the WestIndia Islands; and where we enjoyed some of the most delightful days ofall our lives, --at least, Drinkwater said so; and I think I must say sotoo. Every one has been to the Crystal Palace, so it is of no use talkingabout the Koh-i-noor, or the fierce-looking Amazon, or the beautifulVeiled Vestal, or the Greek Slave, or those terrible-looking owls orfunny foxes, or the other Comical Creatures that came from Wurtemberg. Iwill, therefore, tell you how we amused ourselves when we were notinclined to have our brains bewildered. First, let me inform you that my cousin, who was born in London, knowsall the grand people by sight, and bows to a great many of them. You mayimagine what a treat it was to me, who had lived in a country villageall my life, to see with my own eyes His Royal Highness the Prince, orHis Grace the Duke, or Her Grace the Duchess, or His Excellency theMarquis, or the Most Noble the Marchioness, pass by in their grandcarriages. How I used to stand on tip-toe to get a glimpse of theirfaces over the people's heads, and how Drinkwater used to laugh at me. One morning we were walking in Hyde Park, amusing ourselves in the usualway, when Drinkwater whispered to me hurriedly, "Here come a great Lionand Lioness. " You may imagine my sensations. Bewildered with terror, Iwas about to leave him, and fly; but when I turned with trembling limbsand looked in the direction he pointed out, I saw that these fearfulcreatures appeared quite harmless: in fact, the great Lion, though helooked very magnificent, was quietly smoking a cigar; and except thatthe Lioness stared very fiercely, and wore spurs, and carried ariding-whip, I really don't think I should have known that she was aLioness. A little Tiger, leading the Lioness's horse, followed them at ashort distance. I noticed that every one made way for these important members ofsociety, who, indeed, seemed to think the earth hardly good enough forthem to walk upon; but when they had passed by, I heard the people say, "That's the great Mr. Grandboy. He is one of our celebrated Lions. He isa perfect literary Beau Brummel; the author of several novels, that havebeen read prodigiously; he composes operas, sets the fashion of thecravat, and, they say, writes leaders for 'The Times. '" "And who, pray, is the Lioness?" "That is the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare. She writes novels, too, follows thehounds, and often whips her Tiger. " Such were the remarks of the crowd. Drinkwater told me that some of these Lions and Lionesses do mostextraordinary things, and that people run after them and invite them tothe most costly entertainments, where they are expected to amuse theguests by their roars. I am glad I am not a Lioness. When I had somewhat recovered from the agitation caused by thisrencontre, Drinkwater persuaded me to take a walk to St. James's Park, to see those charming ducks, and the black swans, and the queer littlecreatures that dive so prettily. We passed under the arch with the greathorse on the top. I asked my cousin if he knew what country such horseswere found in, but he could not tell me, and we walked on and soon cameto the Queen's Palace. Here let me take breath;--just at the very moment we reached thegateway, out rolled the royal carriage, and in it, to our greathappiness, we beheld her Most Gracious Majesty the Queen, and His RoyalHighness the Prince Albert; and with them were those dear children, thePrincess Royal and the Prince of Wales--Heaven bless them! How I didlong to kiss them both. When the last wheel of the royal carriage wasquite out of sight, we turned to look at the palace that the Queenlived in, and Drinkwater pointed out to me the funniest creature thatever I saw standing on a pedestal by the gate. He said it was a Unicorn, and that it was put there on purpose to make the Queen laugh. After wehad counted the thousand and one windows in the front of the Palace, westrolled along the pleasant path by the little lake, and watched thechildren as they came with cakes in their hands to feed those greedygeese, that seemed as if they would gobble up cakes, and children, andall. While we were resting ourselves on a seat under the trees, some distantrelations of ours, the Sparrowes of Evryware, passed by. It was wellthey did not see us, for some of them know me, and I must confess that Ishould not like to have been seen speaking to such shabby, ill-lookingfellows. I wonder what their relations in the country would have said, had they seen them in such wretched condition. Their coats were torn, one of them had lost part of his tail, and their faces looked as if theyhad not been washed since the last shower of rain. Fearing lest theSparrowes should return and discover us, I asked Drinkwater to take theferry-boat to the other side; and just as we landed we had the pleasureof seeing the great Lord Bison introduce his sister, Lady Dorothy Zebu, to the renowned Admiral Macaw. You should have seen the polite bow ofthe admiral, and the delightful curtsey of the lady. I was charmedbeyond expression. Lord Bison has a fine military air; they say hefought many battles on the American prairies. Lady Dorothy, who has justcome from India, has, on the contrary, a mild, benignant countenance, and, I am told, is very religious. The admiral was covered with gold, and purple, and scarlet, and looked for all the world like one of hisnamesakes in that beautiful place, the Zoological Gardens. This was one of my most eventful days in London, and I shall longremember it. But now I must tell you of that evening--shall I confess it? thehappiest evening of my life--when Drinkwater and I went to LadyChaffinch's ball. My Aunt was too indisposed to accompany us; shetherefore called her son, and told him to take great care of me, as muchas if I were his own sister. I have an idea that if my dear Aunt knewall, she would have said that he rather exceeded his instructions; butnever mind, he took great care of me. The carriage came for us at ten o'clock, when, had I been at Gorse Bush, I should have been fast asleep on my perch, --as Drinkwater says, for heloves to plague me about being a Linnet. My Cousin was beautifullyattired; he wore a most superb cravat, of a deep ruby colour, and anunder-waistcoat of the brightest amber; but, in fact, he always attractsadmiration; and I think, without vanity, that I looked extremely well inthe new brown dress I took with me from home. At a quarter past ten weentered Lady Chaffinch's ball-room, and, for a moment, I was perfectlybewildered; indeed, Drinkwater had to apologise to our hostess for mystrange behaviour by saying I was not quite well. However, her ladyship, whom I had often seen in the country, was very kind to me, led me to aseat, and began asking after her old friends. This soon brought me to mysenses; and after a little while I could bear to look at the dazzlingchandeliers, the magnificent pier-glasses, and the splendidly-dressedpeople, without being giddy at the sight. Soon after our arrival, theband commenced playing, and some of the company arranged themselves fora dance. Old Sir Cayman Alligator, an East-Indian Director, led out thegraceful Lady Caroline Giraffe, who, I must say, deserved the praiseyoung Nightingale bestowed upon her, when he said, she was one of"Nature's nobility. " I could not but admire her large, full eyes, whichlooked at you so tenderly, and the gentle bending of her beautiful neck;and then, what a contrast she was to her horrid-looking partner! Isuppose he must be very rich, or I cannot think why Lady Chaffinchshould have invited him. Opposite to them stood young Lord Crowe, ayounger brother of the noble Earl of Ravenskind, and with him was theHonourable Miss Pigeon. Lord Crowe is a good-looking fellow, ratherdark, it must be confessed; but as he wears glasses, he looks veryinteresting. They say that his brother, the Earl, has picked up hisgreat wealth in a most unaccountable manner, and that the whole familyhave a singular want of discrimination in the meaning of the words_meum_ and _tuum_. His partner, who had a nice, dove-coloured dress on, appeared very desirous of pleasing the young Lord, and I thought theyseemed very happy together. The other couples were Sir HectorDowncharge, of Kennelhouse, a great sportsman, who came in his militiauniform, and Miss Pie, the daughter of the celebrated Mrs. Margaret, orMag Pie, as her neighbours call her. And opposite to them were a Mr. Puddock, a person connected with the City, who, through the death of arelative, has just come into possession of a fine marshy estate amongthe Lincolnshire Fens; and Miss Lavinia Greyhound, who, as all the worldknows, was a long time engaged to young Hare, who ran away from her in avery shameful way, and hurt her feelings so much that she did not appearagain in public for several months. Drinkwater and I stood aside, and entertained ourselves with quietremarks to each other, not always complimentary to the company. Hethought Miss Pie the prettiest of the dancers, and certainly she wassweetly dressed, and looked very well. Her partner, Sir Hector, was, without doubt, the handsomest of the gentlemen, though he appeared to meto give himself airs, like an overfed spaniel that has been too muchpetted, and to lounge about in a way not at all becoming a lady'sball-room. The little fellow from the City, his _vis-à-vis_, was a verydifferent person--he seemed determined to let us all know that he hadlately been taking twelve dancing-lessons of Madame Hopper, for heturned his toes out in the most _elegant_ way, and was evidently quiteimpressed with a belief that he was astonishing the spectators with hissurprising agility. The very tie of his cravat made Drinkwater nearlydie with suppressed laughter; and when the youth began dancing, we wereobliged to take a walk into the adjoining Conservatory, lest ourmerriment should be discovered. I never knew a more delightful placethan this Conservatory; the flowers in it are brighter than I have seenelsewhere; and some that Drinkwater gathered for me were far sweeterthan any I had ever known before. We staid sometime in this Conservatorylooking at the beautiful exotics, and talking of _nothing_ else but ofthem and the weather; and it was not till we had been there more thanhalf-an-hour that I discovered that we were quite alone. We immediatelyreturned to the ball-room, where, luckily, our absence had not beendiscovered, and in a few minutes were whirling round in a mostdelightful waltz. But I have forgotten the rest of the company. Foremost in dignity wasthe Countess Auk, of Stornaway Rock, in the Hebrides; and with her wereher two nieces, Lady Isabella Snipe and the Honourable Miss Woodcock. Isaw Mr. Reynard, the celebrated member for Hollowoak, having a longgossip with the Countess and her young charges, for both of whom heseemed to profess great admiration. Mr. Jay, the member forChatterfield, was likewise there, and paid a good deal of attention, Ithought, to the Honourable Miss Dove, a cousin of Miss Pigeon's. MissDove plays very nicely, and sometimes, when the band required rest, sherattled off a waltz in fine style, Mr. Jay most attentively turning themusic-leaves. Drinkwater also pointed out to me Miss Stork, the daughter of theAttorney-General, so famous for the length of his bill; Miss Blaccap, who, they say, sings as sweetly as a Robin-Redbreast; Lord Bruin, whohas just come from a tour in Russia; the Right Honourable Mr. Ramshead;and a crowd of folks, more or less known, most of whom _would_ stand bythe doorway and prevent the servants and the fresh air from entering theroom. About three o'clock the Countess of Auk's carriage was summoned, and thecompany began to retire. Drinkwater and I stood shivering on the stairsfull half-an-hour before Lady Goldfinch's brougham was announced; andwhen we reached home, I found I had been fast asleep with my head onDrinkwater's shoulder. Ten days after Lady Chaffinch's ball, I was obliged to tear myself awayfrom my kind aunt and my dear cousin, and with only Tom-tit for mycompanion, to return to this dismal Gorse Bush, which I used to thinkthe sweetest of homes. Now I do nothing but wonder how long it will bebefore my aunt invites me to London again. Tom-tit brings me lettersfrom the post-boy much oftener than before, and were it not for them, Ido not think I could bear my existence. * * * * * This is the substance of some letters I have lately received from mydear friend, Julia Linnet. She is a warm-hearted little thing, easilyled away by her enthusiasm. At first, I was afraid she would pine awaywith melancholy; but all my uneasiness was dispelled a few morningssince, when a lace-bordered envelope reached me, enclosing two cardstied together with silver-cord, on one of which was written, -- [Illustration: Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch Furze Park] [Illustration: THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE. ] [Illustration: LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW. ] [Illustration: THE POACHER. ] THE LORD OF THE MANOR. SIR VANE PEACOCK was the owner of large estates in Cumberland, and agreat game preserver. His tenantry were bound to protect all the hares, partridges, and pheasants that fed on their young corn; and, in return, Sir Vane entertained them once a-year with a dinner of roast mutton andpotatoes, when good luck enabled them to bring their rents on OldMichaelmas-day. A great personage was Sir Vane Peacock. He was thepossessor of two thousand acres of the richest arable land in thecounty, besides his own park and grounds, of a hundred and twenty acres, well covered with fine trees. Sir Vane would have been happy but for onecircumstance: he could not prevent the village poachers from destroyinghis game. It was in vain that he employed keepers and offered rewardsfor every depredator they apprehended or _killed_; year after yearrolled by, and still Sir Vane's great struggle in life was to preservehis partridges. Sir Vane was a county magistrate, and it may be imaginedhow summarily he dealt with all offenders brought before him. In oneyear, two young fellows, named Martin and Weesel, both belonging to thevillage, were shot by his keepers, Martin in the leg and Weesel in theback, because they were found near a rabbit-warren at a suspicious hourin the evening; and an old fellow, whom they called Horny Owl, was soseverely beaten on the head by one of the Baronet's men, that he onlylived two days afterwards. Old Horny was concealed in the trunk of ahollow oak, and was found there with no less than three young partridgesin his possession, which he pleaded he was about to take home for hislittle ones' supper. But Sir Vane could never catch the rascals who didthe most mischief: one was a notorious character, known as Bill Kite;the others a family of brothers, whose name was Lurcher. These were tooold at the sport, and too cunning, to let the keepers get near them, andit is believed they made a very excellent living out of Sir Vane'sgame-preserves. Among the Baronet's tenantry was a Mr. Pointer, a thoroughly well-bredindividual, who lived at a farm close by the park, and who generallyaccompanied Sir Vane on his shooting-excursions. Mr. Pointer had but oneson, named Carlo, with whose training he had taken much pains, and at anearly age Carlo promised soon to know as much about field matters as hisworthy father. But Carlo had one failing which his parent little dreamedof. On one occasion, when on a visit to a neighbouring farm, the youthhad tasted a hare, and ever afterwards he longed to regale himselfagain on such delightful food. One unlucky morning Carlo was ramblingabout his father's farm with a gun on his arm, merely to shoot the rooksand frighten away the sparrows, when a hare jumped out of her form andran away straight before him. The opportunity was too tempting. Bang!went Carlo's gun, and poor pussy tumbled head over heels. Carlo lookedround him with anxious glances, and fancying the coast was clear, tookup his prize and put it in his pocket; but just as he was vaulting overa gate, Towser, the head-keeper at the park, emerged from behind thehedge, and, without a word, took Carlo's gun from his arm and the harefrom his pocket. Carlo was no match for Towser, so he allowed himself tobe led before the great Sir Vane without opposition. Towser related thewhole of Carlo's terrible offence, which he had witnessed from behindthe fence, and the indignant Sir Vane demanded the criminal's reply. Carlo assumed a bold and careless air; told the Baronet that he wishedto have the hare for his dinner, and that he could see no harm inkilling animals that were feeding on his father's corn. This enraged SirVane to such an extent that he started from his chair, seized the gunfrom Towser, and would certainly have shot Carlo on the spot, had notthe youth sprung upon the Baronet, wrenched the gun out of his hands, and laid him sprawling on the floor. Towser ran to his master'sassistance, and Carlo, without waiting for his sentence, jumped throughthe open window into the garden, flew across the lawn with the speed ofa greyhound, and quickly put forty long miles between himself andPeacock Hall. Ten days afterwards Carlo read in "The Sportsman's Chronicle" that, muchto the regret of his family and a numerous circle of admiring friends, Sir Vane Peacock had died suddenly of apoplexy, brought on by a fall. Not a word was said about the cause of the accident; indeed the Baronet, on his deathbed, remembering that he himself had commenced the outrage, had expressly forbidden Towser to mention it, and Carlo thought that hemight as well return home at once. Sir Vane Peacock left no children, and the estates descended to hiscousin, Sir Java Peacock, who, fortunately for Carlo, had been too longa witness of the evils arising from game-preserving to wish to continuethem. Immediately after taking possession, the new landlord sent a noteround, informing every tenant on his estate that he was at perfectliberty to shoot or course all the game he found on his own farm. It is said that from that time Carlo dined off roast hare andcurrant-jelly at least once in every week for the remainder of hislife. [Illustration: THE DUEL. ] MY NEIGHBOURS. A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT. IN a charming retreat, upon the borders of a wood in Gloucestershire, Ionce enjoyed the society of some friends, named Leverett, with whom Iwas very intimate. They seemed to be the happiest little family in theworld, subsisted mostly on the produce of their farm, and alwayswelcomed a neighbour like myself with great hospitality. I resided atthat time at a pleasant place called the Sandpits, not far from theirabode, and I often looked in as I passed by, for half an hour's chatwith the old lady, or to ask Jack or his brother Bob to take a strollwith me in the woods. The father was remarkable for his extreme caution, seldom went far from home, and never meddled with other people'saffairs. It would have been well had his sons followed his example; butthen I should not have had this tale to tell. Close by us, at the largest farm-house in the county, there lived a Mr. Chanticleer, one of the proudest and most irritable fellows I ever hadthe misfortune to meet with. To see the airs with which he struttedabout his farm-yard, and drove all the ducks and geese flying to makeway for him, often made Jack Leverett and myself laugh: but when he wentout for a walk with his wife and daughters, his consequence appeared tobe increased tenfold, and one wondered where the path was broad enoughfor him to walk upon. Mr. Chanticleer was extremely jealous of any intrusion upon hisproperty, and warned off every one who did but set foot on his land. TomLeverett knew this well enough, and knew what a pugnacious and litigiousfellow his neighbour was, so he ought to have been more careful than togive Chanticleer any ground of complaint. Tom, it appears, had a greattaste for botany, and often rose early to indulge in his favouritepursuit. One morning, in the ardour of his search for some particularplant, Tom crept through the hedge into one of his neighbour's fields;and so much absorbed was he in the discovery of some sweet-tasting grasswhich he had never before met with, that he did not notice the approachof Mr. Chanticleer, until that worthy was close upon him. Chanticleer, it appears, always made a practice of rising early; butthough Tom had distinguished his voice--so loud you might have heard ithalf a mile off--calling to the people in the farm-yard, he did not atall expect a visit from him in the particular field that he wasexamining. "Well, sir, " said Mr. Chanticleer to Tom, in an authoritative tone ashe came close up to him, "may I ask what brings you here?" "I am studying botany, " replied Tom. "Studying fiddlesticks!" cried his neighbour; "what business have you inmy fields?" "I have examined all the plants on our side, " answered Tom, meekly. "Then go back and examine them again, " cried Mr. Chanticleer, puttinghimself in a great passion, "and don't let me see you here any more!" "You need not be angry, sir, " said Tom, "I have done no mischief. " "Angry, sir! what do you mean by angry?" spluttered out the other. "I'llteach you to tell me I'm angry!" and so saying, he thrust Tom with allhis force into the hedge. Luckily there was a gap there, and Tom was able to get through, and thusescape from any further insult. He heard Chanticleer's voice shoutingafter him; Tom did not stay to listen, but ran towards the wood as fastas his legs would carry him. It so happened, that just before Tom reached home he met CaptainBulldog, an old officer of the Guards, who had retired on half-pay, withan extra pension for the loss of one of his legs, which he had left onthe field, and to him Tom recounted all the circumstances of theassault. The Captain immediately told Tom that he had but one course topursue, which was, to call Chanticleer out. Tom did not at firstunderstand this phrase; but, on its being explained to him, his kneesknocked together, and he begged the Captain to say nothing more of thematter. But the Captain, who owed Chanticleer a grudge, insisted thatTom should place himself entirely in his hands, took the poor youth tohis own house, and did not let him rest till Tom had fairly indited achallenge. This the Captain had the great satisfaction of deliveringpersonally to Mr. Chanticleer, who turned very red in the face onreading it, and made some little attempts at an apology. These theCaptain would not listen to, saying, the insult was too great forapologies; and Chanticleer was at last obliged to refer him to hisfriend, Sir Wiley Reynard, of Underwood, to arrange a meeting. Poor Tom! I think I see him now, as he came with his long face to tellme of the scrape he had got into. "I would stay at home, " said the unfortunate youth, with tears in hiseyes, "but that I am afraid of offending Captain Bulldog, who will, perhaps, challenge me himself, if I don't fight Chanticleer; and of thetwo enemies, " added Tom, forcing a faint smile, "you know which I shouldprefer. " Afterwards, Tom told me where the meeting was to be; and as I thought myyoung neighbour might want a friend, I determined to be near at hand. It was about six o'clock on a cold, grey, autumn morning, that Iconcealed myself in a thicket by the side of Goose Common, and waitedthe arrival of the combatants. Captain Bulldog, with young Leverett byhis side, were first on the field, and I could see that poor Tom shookin every limb. They did not wait long. A post-chaise soon cameclattering along the road, and out of it jumped Sir Wiley Reynard, Doctor Crane, and Mr. Chanticleer. Sir Wiley and the Captain soonarranged the preliminaries, and Chanticleer walked boldly and jauntilyto his post. Not so my friend. Poor Tom, fainthearted at all times, wasnow terrified to such a degree, that the Captain had absolutely tosupport him, or he would certainly have dropped. Presently, Sir Wileygave the signal to fire; Tom complied at once, and sent his bulletflying somewhere above my head, about as wide of the mark as it wellcould be; and then, without waiting for the compliment of a return, offhe started as fast as ever his legs carried him in his life, cleared thehedge at a bound, and ran straight into a thick wood. I nearly died withlaughter, not only to see Tom run, but to behold the terrible look ofthe Captain, as he gazed after his flying friend; to watch the surprisedand somewhat pleased look of Chanticleer, who seemed half inclined tofire after the fugitive; and to see the puzzled expression of SirWiley's face, and the comical grin on Dr. Crane's, as he tapped his boxand offered the Baronet a pinch. After a few moments of silence, no oneknowing what to do in such an unusual dilemma, the Captain walked up toSir Wiley, and offered, if the Baronet were not satisfied, to fighteither Mr. Chanticleer or the Baronet himself, whichever was preferred. But Sir Wiley replied very politely that he was perfectly satisfied withCaptain Bulldog, and that he only regretted that the Captain should actfor such a coward as Mr. Thomas Leverett. On this the Captain beganabusing poor Tom so terribly, that I thought it best to beat a retreatand see after my runaway friend. When I arrived home I found him sittingin my little back-parlour, just as I expected. He had covered his facewith his hands, and was crying bitterly. I comforted the poor fellow aswell as I could, and did not give him the least grounds for suspectingthat I had been a witness of his behaviour. In a little time he becamecalmer, and then he told me that the report of his own pistol hadfrightened him so much, that, for his life, he could not help runningaway. It was not many days after this that Tom came to me again, evidently ingreat pain; and, from the broken sentences that escaped him, I learnedthat as he and his brother Bob were walking in the public road, Chanticleer had met them; and after calling Tom by every abusive name hecould think of, had ended by thrashing him with a riding-whip, till theunfortunate youth could scarcely stand. I thought this was carrying thematter too far, so I walked home with him to speak to his father aboutit. The old gentleman was very much excited at Tom's account of thequarrel; he had not heard a word about it till that day, and said thatChanticleer should pay dearly for what he had done; and as for Tom'smother, she fainted away at first, and ended by urging her husband toprosecute that rascal Chanticleer, even if it cost them their last grainof food. She thought but little of what she was saying then, but sheremembered it afterwards. On that very afternoon old Mr. Leverett and Bob took the railway toGloucester, and went at once to the celebrated lawyer, Mr. SharpeVulture, of Billocost Row. Mr. Vulture, who was just going home todinner, and was both hungry and savage, heard their story with greatimpatience, told them to come again the next morning, and bade them goodday. He thus saved his dinner hot, and pocketed an extra fee for anadditional consultation. His client, little used to lawyers'pleasantries, thought this behaviour very strange; but as he had somerelations close by the town, he resolved that he and Bob would spend thenight with them, and they told me they were most hospitably entertained. On the next morning the father and son again called on the celebratedMr. Sharpe Vulture, and this time with better success, for that worthyrecommended that Mr. Leverett should first apply to a magistrate for awarrant against Mr. Chanticleer; and, secondly, that Tom should commencean action against him for the assault. To both these courses old Leverett offered no opposition; and on Bob'sevidence Sir Simon Graveowl, a magistrate of noted wisdom, granted awarrant against Chanticleer, which Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately gaveto an active young policeman to execute. Now, it happened to bemarket-day at Gloucester, and as Mr. Chanticleer was a large consumer ofbarley, he usually attended the Corn Exchange during certain hours. Thisthe policeman knew; so no sooner had he received the warrant than hewalked straight to Mr. Chanticleer as he stood talking loudly to a largecircle of friends and neighbours, --old Mr. Drake, young Mr. Gosling, Mr. Peacock, Mr. Pidgeon, Mr. Swann, and several others, --and forthwitharrested him. Poor Mr. Chanticleer! how crest-fallen he looked! All hiscrowing was stopped in a moment. He walked by the policeman's side insilence, and looked as much like a culprit as any thief that was everfound with the stolen goods in his possession. The policeman, thrown off his guard by Chanticleer's quietness, walkedby his side without holding him, and of this my neighbour was not slowto avail himself; for just as they had passed a narrow street, hesuddenly ran back, and, with a loud noise, flew along the pavement as iftwenty Sharpe Vultures were pursuing him. The policeman was not slow tofollow; and when the unfortunate Chanticleer was stopped by a sentinelat the gate of the barracks, he seized his prisoner with such violenceby his red neck-tie, that he almost strangled him there and then. Old Leverett chuckled to himself, and was greatly delighted to seeChanticleer brought into the magistrate's room by two policemen, oneholding him tightly by each arm. Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately broughtforward the accusation against the prisoner. Bob's evidence was taken:it was declared that Tom was too unwell from the effects of the assaultto attend in person, and Mr. Chanticleer was fined five pounds. For thisamount he immediately wrote an order on his bankers, --Brier, Primrose, and Whitethorn; and then, greatly to old Leverett's chagrin, theprisoner was discharged, and all parties left the court. Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised instant proceedings at law. Accordingly, anaction was brought for damages; but through some _little_ informality, the plaintiff was defeated, and had to pay his own and Mr. Chanticleer'slawyers' costs. Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised a second action, which wastried, I remember, at the Assizes just twelve months after the assaultcomplained of. Counsel were engaged on each side. Mr. Badger was forChanticleer, and the Hon. Mr. Muff for the Leveretts. Badger had CaptainBulldog put into the witness-box, and the whole story of the duel wastold in court, making even the learned judge roar with laughter. Badgerproved, beyond a doubt, that Tom had well deserved castigation for hiscowardice, and that Mr. Chanticleer had only laid his whip lightlyacross his shoulders; that Bob, as one of the family, was not to bebelieved; and that the defendant bore the highest character forgentleness of disposition. The Hon. Mr. Muff proved nothing, but that herichly deserved his name, and the jury returned a verdict for theplaintiff, damages one farthing. Poor old Leverett! this trial completely ruined him. Sharpe Vultureseized all his property, and the once happy little family were sentadrift on the wide world without a home. The last time I heard of them, the mother and the two sons were livingin an humble way not far from the sea-side; the father was dead; Tomstill continued his favourite study, but he always took great care notto trespass in other people's fields. [Illustration: MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ. ] [Illustration: THE DE MOUSAS. ] THE DE MOUSAS. A TALE. IN one of those charming Italian villas lately built at Bayswater, liveMr. Persian and Lady Angora De Mousa, personages of much consequence inthe society to which they belong. Late hours, and a somewhat gay life, have a little impaired Lady Angora's beauty; but she still attractsgreat admiration, and her husband is as proud of her as ever. A highly respectable couple, but of plainer pretensions than the DeMousas, reside in Cypress Cottage, a small house in the adjacentGravel-pits, --Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Tabitha Tortoshell, with a family ofone son and two daughters. Mr. De Mousa is of foreign extraction, butMr. Tortoshell claims him as a cousin by his mother's side, and is not alittle proud of the relationship. The De Mousas are in very easy circumstances, and indulge in manyexpensive luxuries, having Devonshire clotted cream every morning atbreakfast, and a fricassee of some small deer, that they appear to bevery fond of, for their supper. Their carriage is the handsomest in thevillas; and _when_ they go to church, two pages always attend them. Before the arrival of the De Mousas--for they have but lately come fromabroad--the Tortoshells lived in the most unpretending way; but withinthe last twelve months they have started a brougham, and alivery-servant with a gold-laced collar, much to the surprise of theirneighbours, who wondered what sudden good fortune had befallen them. ButI am sorry to say this extravagance was all owing to the vanity of Mrs. Tortoshell, who is most anxious to be introduced into society by LadyAngora De Mousa, as you shall hear. Mr. Tortoshell called on his cousin soon after his arrival in theneighbourhood of the Gravel-pits, and explained to him theirrelationship, which Mr. De Mousa, who is extremely well bred, professedgreat delight in hearing of, at the same time he invited the wholefamily of the Tortoshells to dinner on the next day. Lady Angora was notover-pleased at this arrangement, and assumed a haughty air when theTortoshells came; but being naturally of a warm-hearted disposition, shequickly became attached to the elder daughter Minnie, though it must beconfessed she showed no great partiality for the mamma. The son also, Young Tom as he was called, to distinguish him from his father, won thegood opinion of Mr. De Mousa, by his shrewdness and his intimateknowledge of London life among certain classes. So the day passedpleasantly enough, and Mr. And Mrs. Tortoshell and their family allwalked home with greater consequence than they had before assumed. Butit happened to be a rainy evening, Mrs. Tortoshell spoiled her bestvelvet dress, and easily persuaded her husband that it would be moreeconomical for them to keep a brougham. Mr. Tortoshell pretended tobelieve her, and bought one. One day, about a month after, as Lady Angora and her husband were abouttaking their usual promenade in Kensington Gardens, they were astonishedat the appearance of a footman in the smartest of liveries, who, insteadof going as usual to the servants' gate, came straight up to them, anddelivered a letter to Mr. De Mousa, who abruptly tore open the envelope, read the contents of the note, and handed it to his wife. Lady Angora, seeing it was an invitation from the Tortoshells to dinner on that dayweek, tossed her head as she gave it back, and Mr. De Mousa blandlyinformed the servant--a stupid lout, who had been bred in afarm-yard--that he would communicate with Mr. Tortoshell. All down the broad walk in Kensington Gardens, all across by theflower-gardens, and all up the path by the ha-ha, Lady Angora talked ofnothing but the impudence of the Tortoshells, vowing and protesting thatnothing on earth should induce her to visit them. But her good-naturedhusband was more inclined to treat the matter as a joke, and, by dint ofpersuasion and raillery, before they reached home he had induced LadyAngora to accept the invitation "for this once. " A polite answer was, therefore, immediately despatched. The week elapsed. Mrs. Tabitha had worked herself into a perfect feverof anxiety; and her poor daughters, Minnie and Katty, were tired todeath with their labour in carrying out their mother's injunctions. Thedinner-hour was fixed for six o'clock. At half-past five Mrs. Tabithawas still adding vermicelli to the soup, Minnie and Katty were stillturning out jellies and blanc-manges, and Sappy the footman was stillcleaning the plate. Mr. Tortoshell was sitting uneasily by the windowendeavouring to read "The Times, " and young Tom was flying home from theCity in a Hansom's cab at the rate of twelve miles an hour. At a quarter past six, Mr. De Mousa and Lady Angora arrived. NeitherMrs. Tortoshell nor her daughters were ready to receive them. Sappy wasin his shirt-sleeves, and the maids were not fit to be seen; so Mr. Tortoshell had to open the door, receive his company, and usher theminto his drawing-room himself. Mr. De Mousa looked at his watch and saidhe was afraid they were early, which rather confused Mr. Tortoshell; butthe cousins soon got to talking of the beautiful weather, and thebeautiful moonlight nights, and Lady Angora amused herself by playingwith a young kitten on the hearth-rug. At half-past six Mr. Tortoshell said he really must see why his wife anddaughter did not come, and for that purpose left the room. Lady Angoralooked at her husband, who, well-bred as he was, could not helpobserving, with a broad smile, that "such manners were enough to make acat laugh. " At length Mrs. Tabitha and her two daughters appeared, very smartlydressed, but not very much at their ease, and a moment afterwards Sappyannounced dinner. Mr. De Mousa escorted Mrs. Tabitha with much gracefuldignity, and Mr. Tortoshell followed with Lady Angora; Young Tom justrushing into the room in time to offer his attendance to his sisters, who could not but wonder what extraordinary business could have kept himso late in the City. Dinner was served. The rats'-tail soup was burnt;Lady Angora could not touch it: but Sappy, in removing the plate, managed to spill a considerable quantity over her ladyship's dress. Thefish was overdone on one side, and nearly raw on the other; so herladyship could not eat that. The fowls were old and tough; the venisonhad not been hung long enough, and Minnie had forgotten thecurrant-jelly. The blanc-mange and the ices had somehow been placed nearthe kitchen fire; and, to crown all, Lady Angora declared that the onlydish she cared for was fricasseed mice. Mrs. Tabitha, excited todesperation, jumped up from her seat with an expression of horror, asthough she had been dining with a cannibal; but the effort was too muchfor her, for she immediately fell back in a swoon. Minnie flew to hermamma's assistance, Katty rushed for the eau de Cologne, old Tom andyoung Tom both rang the bells, and did nothing but create confusion; andMr. De Mousa and Lady Angora, without staying for a formal leave-taking, quitted the room and the house with evident precipitation. * * * * * Since that day the cousins have not visited. Mr. Tortoshell hasdiscovered that a carriage is not so _very_ economical; and when bychance he meets Mr. De Mousa, his attention is sure to be attracted bysomething on the top of a neighbouring house. Mrs. Tabitha often readsof Lady Angora in the "Morning Post, " but she has never been heard tomention that her ladyship has dined at Cypress Cottage. [Illustration: THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT. ] ROOKWOOD HALL. IN a quiet village in Cumberland, far retired from the great world, there stands a noble old red-brick mansion, partly in ruins, and mostlycovered with ivy, which ever attracts the attention of the wayfarer whopasses through that remote district. For many years Rookwood Hall--so isit called--has been in the possession of the ancient family of theRookes; father and son have grown up beneath the shade of the grand oldelms that line the majestic avenue and all but surround the mansion, andthe bones of twenty generations of Rookes now lie together beneath theadjacent sod. Five years since the last of the family, Sir WhitewingRooke, was killed as he was returning towards home on a quiet autumnevening. He was found lying under one of the tall elm-trees in theavenue, pierced with a bullet that had passed through his heart. Whetherthis occurred by accident or design, no one could ever tell; but therewere dark suspicions afloat, and rumour said that the Rookes were notwithout their enemies. Lady Rooke, the childless widow, mourned long for her husband, rarelyventured beyond the boundary of the park, but spent most of her time inendeavouring to benefit the neighbouring farmers, who had not gratitudeenough even to thank her for her services. There was one exception. Young Gamecock, the owner of a small estateadjoining Rookwood Park, was full of gratitude, and often called uponLady Rooke to thank her for her kindness. Mr. Gamecock was anexceedingly good-looking fellow, dressed handsomely, always wore spurs, and had more manners than any other farmer within twenty miles; and, therefore, it is not to be wondered at that Lady Rooke somewhatencouraged these gratitude-visits. Her Ladyship often complained howdull and lonely she was, living without a protector in that old mansion, whose walls were covered with ghastly portraits of departed Rookes; andwhose ancient casements rattled at night when the wind blew in itsfitful fancies, and made the very stairs groan as it rushed up and downin its capricious impetuosity. Young Gamecock listened to the good dame's stories, told her _he_ knewno fear, that the wind might whistle as it willed for him; and that ifhe owned such a mansion, that the old pictures should decorate thegarrets, where the bats and sparrows held undisputed possession. At last people began to notice that young Gamecock went very often toRookwood Hall, and many surmises were soon afloat. Mr. Crow, a cousinof the deceased Baronet's, laughed at the silly talk, as he called it, and said that her Ladyship was about to make Mr. Gamecock her bailiff. Mr. Howlet, the solicitor from the neighbouring village, shook his head, looked "wondrous wise, " but said nothing; and that pert gentleman, Mr. Sparrow, reported that he had peeped in at the window one day, and knewmore than he chose to tell. So matters went on for a time. At last, onefine day Mr. Howlet was seen to drive up to the Hall, and take in withhim a large document. The whole village was astir: something must begoing on, every one said; and within two days it was known that thedocument in question was a marriage-settlement, and that the wedding ofLady Rooke and young Mr. Gamecock was to take place in the followingweek. Alas, for the uncertainty of this world! No sooner did the news of theapproaching marriage reach the ears of Mrs. Partlett and herdaughters--the aunt and cousins of Mr. Gamecock--than they vowed itshould never be. It appears that Mr. Gamecock had long been affianced toMiss Hennie Partlett, and the news of his desertion so preyed on herdelicate constitution, that she pined away and lost all her good looks. Fired at the indignity offered to his family, her brother Redcomb soughthis opportunity, met Mr. Gamecock as he was crossing the lawn in frontof Rookwood Hall, and challenged him to mortal combat. Gamecock, inhaste to visit his betrothed, passed on without heeding his adversary;but the valiant Redcomb flew at him, and with one stroke beat him to theearth. Gamecock rose, shook himself, and attacked Redcomb with suchimpetuosity, that at first he retreated; but, collecting his strength, he returned to the attack, and Gamecock again bit the dust. Lady Rookewas sitting by a window, watching for the arrival of her lover, whenceshe saw the whole of this deadly contest. At Gamecock's second fall sheflew to his rescue, and arrived just as a fresh battle was begun. Urgedby her fears for her beloved, her Ladyship threw herself between thecombatants; but it was at a most unlucky moment, for a blow from Redcombstruck her on the temples, and she fell senseless between them. Thecombatants forgot their quarrel, and carried the poor lady into theroom; a messenger was despatched for Dr. Stork, but before he couldarrive, her Ladyship had breathed her last. * * * * * Rookwood Hall passed into another family of the Rookes, distantlyrelated; and after two years dallying, Miss Hennie Partlett, forgettingformer grievances, became Mrs. Gamecock, and Redcomb gave her away. [Illustration: MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS. ] CITY PEOPLE. MR. TRUNK, the great East India merchant, is an individual of immenseweight in the City. Wherever he appears the crowd make way for him, andbestow upon him marked attention. His particular friend is old Mr. Parrot, whose connexions lie with the West Indies and South America, andwho boasts of his relationship with the celebrated Macaw family. Whenever there is a sudden rise in sugar or tobacco, Mr. Parrotimmediately goes on 'Change to consult his great friend, Mr. Trunk, asto the course he should pursue; and the united wisdom of the twomerchants generally produces a result favourable to Mr. Parrot'sinterests. Mr. Trunk lives in a large house in the Regent's Park, where heentertains very many visitors, in a way peculiar to himself, his chiefpleasure consisting in the offer of his carriage for a ride round hisbeautiful gardens; for which, by way of joke, he always demands a cakeor a bun from each visitor. His son, too, Master Suckling Trunk, contributes much to the gratification of the guests; and certainly heis a very amusing youth, such as one does not often meet with. Two years ago Mr. Trunk was greatly annoyed by the arrival of a youngblack prince from the banks of the Nile, who took a house close by himin the Park, and, much to Mr. Trunk's mortification, completely outshonehim in the grandeur of his entertainments. All the fashionable andmercantile world flocked to the mansion of Prince Ippo, and consideredit a great condescension if His Highness would but favour them with asight of his eyes and ears. The great Mr. Trunk, he who had never known a rival near his throne, felt deeply the slight cast upon him, and vowed to be revenged on hissable adversary. He talked of his grievance to old Mr. Parrot, till thatworthy felt as indignant as his friend; but, as he could suggest nomethod of vengeance, Mr. Trunk called to his counsel, the celebratedCity conveyancer, Mr. Starling. "You see, sir, " said old Mr. Parrot, when the three had met inconsultation, "this black young fellow is an upstart; he has nothing torecommend him but his exceeding ugliness and his extreme inhospitality. Do you know, sir, " he continued, addressing the conveyancer, "someladies of my family paid him a visit the other day, and the brute--yes, sir, I say the brute--had the ill manners to send word by his attendantthat His Highness was in the bath and would not be disturbed?" "I wonder, " growled Mr. Trunk, "that, as the ladies had so muchcuriosity, they did not go and see him in his bath. " "Well, the fact is, " replied Mr. Parrot, "that they did try, but themonster would only just show them the tip of his nose. " "He has become quite a nuisance to the neighbourhood, " said Mr. Trunk. "I wonder, " observed the conveyancer, "if the Alderman could put himdown?" "Put _him_ down!" growled Trunk again; "the fellow's too fat. You mightas well try to put down a whale!" "Then what can _we_ do?" said the conveyancer. "Could we manage to drownhim in his bath?" "A likely idea!" returned the great merchant. "Do you not know that thefellow lives half his life in the water, and can swim as well as afish?" "Can we bring an action for ejectment?" suggested Mr. Starling. "Can wenot discover some flaw in his title-deeds?" "I wish you'd try, " answered the merchant. And the result of thisconspiracy against the offending Prince was, that Mr. Starling, by somemeans best known to himself, obtained a copy of the title-deeds hewanted, and soon picked two or three holes in them. This good news he quickly communicated to the City merchants, who weredelighted beyond measure. An action was immediately commenced againstPrince Ippo, who did not seem in the least concerned about it, but tookhis bath and drank his twenty bottles a-day as usual. The conveyancermet with but little opposition, and gained the day. Mr. Trunk and old Parrot were in raptures at the result. They warmlycongratulated Mr. Starling, and the three conspirators rejoiced over ahandsome dinner, which the great merchant gave on the occasion. But, alas! their delight was of short duration: the friends of Prince Ippotook up his cause, appealed against the decision, and after two trials, threw the case into Chancery. There it is likely to remain. [Illustration: MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO. ] THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER. MANY years ago there lived a celebrated artist who became very famousfor his portraits of the great men of the day. His name was Porcupine. It is recorded, that noblemen of the highest rank used to visit hisstudio, take luncheon with him, and honour him with their criticism. In his earlier time he was much patronised by two of the great nobility, both members of the Dilettante Society, who did much to bring the youngartist into notice--these were the great Lord Forestking and thewell-remembered Sir Hyde Jungle. His Lordship's patronage had, in thefirst instance, been solicited for Mr. Porcupine by an eccentricindividual, a Mr. Munkey, a hanger-on of the aristocracy, who aped theirmanners, but who had little of his own. He had met with Porcupine in thecountry, had expressed great admiration at his peculiar talent, andpromised, if he would visit London, to introduce him to the very firstsociety. Mr. Porcupine, innocently believing him, left his countryhedgerows, and took a garret in a back-street in London. It was herethat Lord Forestking first visited him, and gave him the commission topaint his portrait. Porcupine generally had an old friend with him, whom he had long knownin the country, who had come to see the town, and who lodged in the samehouse. His name was Dobbin. When Porcupine had made some advancement in the portrait, LordForestking and his friend, Sir Hyde, came one day to inspect it, attended by the ever meddling Mr. Munkey. His Lordship seated himself ina chair opposite the picture, and expressed himself very much satisfiedwith the likeness, declaring, that he never before knew that he was sohandsome a fellow. "The portrait is--ah--very well, and the painting is--ah--admirable, "said Sir Hyde; "but do not you think--ah--that the nose is a _leetle_too long? and are you sure, " addressing Porcupine, "that the left eye isnot--ah--slightly awry?" "I have not remarked it, " returned Mr. Porcupine, meekly. "The colouring is excellent; but--ah--'pon my honour, I never saw hisLordship wear a coat of that tint; and do not you think the hair is_rayther_ darker than his Lordship's?" "Perhaps, " suggested Mr. Porcupine, "you would see it better in anotherlight;" and he immediately moved the easel. "Do you know, " said Mr. Munkey to Mr. Dobbin--they were at the other endof the room--"Sir Hyde Jungle is esteemed one of our finest critics inthe arts? He has visited most of the great Continental galleries, andcan tell you the dimensions of every celebrated picture, and the exactspot on which it is hung. " "How _can_ one individual be the possessor of so much learning!" saidDobbin. "I cannot even remember the dimensions of the common in mynative village, though I have been round it often and often. " "Oh! Sir Hyde is, as you remark, a possessor of great learning. Hestudies anatomy too, and is very fond of dissecting all kinds ofanimals. I am told that no professor at St. Bartholomew's can do it morerapidly. " "What a wonderful individual!" * * * * * "Ah! now that I see it better, " said the Baronet, "I think the hair asnear right as it can be; but--ah--you have given his Lordshiptwo--ah--curls on the left temple, which I do not think his Lordshipever has. " "Would your Lordship wish to have them taken out?" inquired Porcupine. "'Pon honour, Sir Hyde, " said his Lordship, "I really think theportrait is a very good one; and I like those two curls so much, thatI'll make my barber give them to me to-morrow morning. " "I perfectly agree with your Lordship, " replied the connoisseur; "and ifMr. Porcupine will but attend to the suggestions I have thrown out, thispicture will make his fortune;" and the learned critic began to put onhis gloves and seek his hat. The Lord and the Baronet wished the artist good morning, and, with theirattendant, departed. Poor Porcupine threw himself into his chair, and gazed wistfully at thepicture. His first thought was to thrust his foot through the canvass, but the word "suggestions" and "make his fortune" rang in his ears, andhe burst into a long loud laugh. "He is very learned, that Sir Hyde Jungle, " observed his friend, Mr. Dobbin, at the conclusion of the laugh. "A very learned man, " said Porcupine. "And did he not promise to make your fortune?" "He did, " replied the artist; "and if he can he may. " The next time Sir Hyde saw the portrait, he thought the nose and theeyes were quite right--the tone of colour on the coat admirable--and thehair marvellously exact. The day after, Lady Jungle and several friendscame to see the picture, and one gave Mr. Porcupine a commission for aportrait of her darling Wilhelmina. A rush of orders followed, and thegreat Sir Hyde Jungle did what the artist never believed, he kept hispromise, and, by his wonderful talk, made Mr. Porcupine's fortune. THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION. A STORY. BY POLICEMAN X X. ONE night as I was a-going my rounds, seeing that all things were right, I felt so tired and drowsy that I could hardly keep awake; so, when Icame to the Stuffed Animals, I lay down on the bench there to restmyself. I have heard of many marvellous things, but nothing that ever Iknew of equals the story I am going to tell you. I had not been lying on the bench five minutes--not more than tenminutes certainly--when I heard a confused noise as if a crowd ofvisitors had been let into the building. You may be sure I wasastonished, but fancying there might be something in the wind, I keptstill and breathed very softly. Presently a large party came into thepassage where the Stuffed Animals were, and you may imagine how I didstare--sure enough they were a lot of the beasts from the ZoologicalGardens. But the most curious thing was, that many of them were dressedjust like Christians. First came the big Elephant, putting me in mind, for all the world, of Mr. Trunk, the great City merchant; then theHippopotamus, with a fez cap on exactly like the Abyssinian prince, Ippo, that was in the Exhibition a few days before; then a Kangaroo, with a smart bonnet and shawl, in the same style as Mrs. Jumper's; thena Wild Boar, looking like a country lout in a smock-frock; then aBeaver, no better dressed than one of our navvies, and who stamped onthe Cat's toes, and made her squeak out so shrilly, that she made myears tingle; then came a Parroquet, dressed like a dandy, and with himwere two fashionable birds, Miss Cockatoo and Miss Snowy Owl; thenfollowed an old Crocodile, looking like one of those withered Indiannurses, and in her arms she carried a young Frog that might have been anIndian baby. Besides these, there was a young Monkey, exactly like mybrother's boy, Jack; a Mouse, dressed in the last-fashioned paletôt; anda little thing that for a long time I could make nothing of, but I fancythey call her a Duck-billed Platypus. To have heard the remarks these animals made on their stuffedfellow-creatures would have made me die of laughter, but that I feltrather frightened and uncomfortable at my position so near them. Theyoung Indian clapped his hands when he saw the two Frogs a-shaving, andthe Snowy Owl flew up to see if the Great Horned Owl above her wasreally stuffed or not. The Cat seemed very much inclined to jump at theyoung Partridges; and the Mouse, dapper as he was, shrank back withfear when he caught sight of the Martins and Weasels. At length Dent's clock struck four. The noise seemed to frighten themaway; for, when I jumped up, and rubbed my eyes, they were all gone, norcould I make out by which door they left. When I reported all this to my inspector, the only rewards I got were, to be told I had been dreaming, and to have my night's allowance ofporter stopped for a fortnight. [Illustration: THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION. ] [Illustration: LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS. ] ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION. NOT many years since, Mr. Alderman Gobble was a famous member of theCorporation of the City of London. No one was more esteemed at the greatGuildhall feasts than he was. No one, at Christmas time, was moreconstant at the Mansion-House dinners, where he was invariably placed atthe head of the table, close by the Lord Mayor. Mr. Gobble was born in Norfolk, at one of those fine old-fashionedfarm-houses so frequently met with in that county, and was often heardto tell the tale of his first coming to London, on a bitterly cold day, when the whole country was covered with snow, on the top of the"Telegraph" coach. It was Christmas-Eve, in the year 1815, and the roofwas crowded with such piles of turkeys, geese, hares, and pheasants, that he always said he had preserved an affection for them throughouthis life. Some few years after his arrival in London, Mr. Gobble became a memberof the Worshipful Company of Poulterers, and shortly afterwards he waselected Common-councilman by a great majority of the voters, who, toshow their approbation of his excellence, invited him to a handsomedinner at Poulterers' Hall. In due time, the Common-councilman became anAlderman; and it was at a grand ball given on the occasion, that he fellin love with Miss Owlet, the daughter of a magistrate very celebratedfor his wisdom. The wedding was attended by all the great City people;and after this union Mr. Gobble had the satisfaction of becoming themost popular member of the Corporation, and was more frequently thanever seen at the Corporation dinners. But the Alderman's ambition did not rest satisfied with municipalhonours. He read the debates in the House of Commons, until he thoughthe could speak as well as most of them, and aspired to become a memberof Parliament. In this laudable desire, he was greatly abetted by hisbeloved spouse, who was deeply impressed with the conviction that hewould be one of the most eloquent members of the House. It happened that, about this time, the borough of Woodside becamevacant. Mr. Rabbetson, the member, while on a visit to Earl Falcon, theowner of half the village of Woodside, was accidentally killed by hisLordship while they were out together for a day's sport. The Alderman no sooner heard of the accident than he flew home to hiswife, and told her of the opportunity that had offered itself. By thenext night's mail, Mr. And Mrs. Gobble travelled down to Woodside, and, on the following day, they hired a carriage and rode over to LordFalcon's mansion. The servants at the gate said that his Lordship wastoo ill to see company; but, at the Alderman's pressing entreaty, theircards were taken, and soon afterwards they were ushered into the loftyapartments of Woodside Hall, and through the library into the Earl'sprivate garden. There they found his Lordship walking up and down theterrace, evidently in a most unamiable state of mind. Mrs. Gobble drewback when she saw his fierce looks; and the Alderman, taking off hishat, seemed undecided whether it would not be advisable to beat aretreat before his Lordship ate them both up, for so he seemed inclinedto do. At last Mr. Gobble told his errand, and solicited the favour ofhis Lordship's interest. If Earl Falcon was angry before, he was enragedto madness now; he screamed at his visitors, stamped his feet, andrushed at them, cane in hand, so impetuously, that the intruders flewaway with all the haste they could, regained their carriage, and took apost-chaise back to London without delay. Alderman Gobble returned to town sadder, but wiser; and was neverafterwards heard to talk of the honour of being a member of Parliament. As for the borough of Woodside, Lord Falcon gave to Mr. Weesel, thefamily lawyer, who, report said, was somehow the cause of the death ofpoor Mr. Rabbetson. MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY. THE bells of Farmfield's Church rang merrily when young Mr. Struttmarried his neighbour's daughter, Miss Waddle. The school-children had aholiday, and the labourers at all the farms in the village dined offroast beef and plum-pudding. Young Mr. Strutt had passed the College ofSurgeons, and set up in practice in London, in a new and fashionableneighbourhood at the West End; that is, he had hired two rooms in arespectable-looking house, and bargained to have his name on a greatbrass plate on the door. But neither his wedding nor his brass platebrought him any patients; and after a two years' trial, Mr. Struttretired from the profession in disgust. It luckily happened that Mrs. Strutt's papa, Mr. Waddle, determined thathis daughter should receive a _superior_ education, had sent her to avery distinguished seminary, where young ladies were taught the mostwonderful accomplishments by the very first masters; but where, unfortunately, they did not include the art of making apple-dumplings. As Mrs. Strutt had no children of her own, she now determined to devoteher acquirements to the benefit of the children of other people. So Mr. And Mrs. Strutt opened an "Academy for Young Ladies and Gentlemen" atKentish Town; and, as good fortune would have it, they were soonintrusted with the care of half-a-dozen "boarders, " who brought theirown forks and spoons, and were the children of very genteel parents, atleast so Mrs. Strutt told her visitors. One thing must be said, that both master and mistress were very kind andattentive to their young charges; and if they did not teach them much, it was simply because they did not know how. One fine summer's afternoon they all went together for a ramble in theHighgate Fields. The elder Master Hawke took his drum, and the youngerhad Mrs. Strutt's parasol; Miss Duckling's two brother's had a kite anda boat; and Charley Lighthair a whirligig. They flew the kite high uptill they could hardly see it, and sent card-messengers of every colourup to it: they swam their boat in the pond; and when it sailed beyondtheir reach, Mr. Strutt pulled it back with his walking-cane: they ranraces across the meadows, and tried to see who could get over the stilesfirst; and then when they were hot and tired, they all sat under theshade of the great elm-trees, and Mr. Strutt told them the followinganecdote:-- "Many years ago, as I was passing through the country town where Ilived, my attention was drawn to a great crowd of people assembled roundsome apparently very amusing objects. Led by curiosity, I mixed in withthem; and what did I behold but a fellow whom I had long known, namedBruin, teaching a monkey to perform all kinds of tricks? The animalstood on his head, and, with his hind feet, threw sticks up into theair; then he leaped on Mr. Bruin's head, and balanced himself on onehand, and jumped over the heads of the spectators; among whom, Iremember, were my neighbours, Mrs. Kangaroo and her daughter; myshoemaker, old Pidgeon, and his little girl; Shark the lawyer; Mrs. Whinchat the milliner; a fellow named Ratt, who had been twenty timestaken up for thieving; and the poulterer's son, Bill Goose. I wish youhad been with them to have seen how Bruin made Jocko the monkey dance, and how all these folks laughed. They capered about finely to get out ofhis way; but at last Jocko jumped from his master's head on to Mrs. Whinchat's back, tore off her bonnet, and in two seconds put it on thehead of little Miss Kangaroo. Oh, how the crowd shouted! Bruin tried tobeat the animal, but he laughed too much to be able to catch him; andJocko, pleased at his own performance, jumped on to Ratt's back, and therascal ran half way down the street before the monkey would dismount. Bruin ran after them, and so great was the crowd that pursued, that hewas glad to hide both himself and Jocko in an inn-yard. " The young ones all laughed famously at this story; and then, as it wasnear tea-time, they set off home, where they had, for a treat, hot toastfor tea, and a game at forfeits afterwards. So Mr. And Mrs. Strutt got on much better with the Seminary than theSurgery; and it is said that after a few years they had more than fiftyboarders who used often to take rambles in the Highgate Meadows. London:--Printed by G. BARCLAY, Castle St. Leicester Sq. [Illustration: THE WALK TO HIGHGATE. ] [Illustration: THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN. ]