BOOK OF ETIQUETTE

BY LILLIAN EICHLER

VOLUME II

ILLUSTRATED

COPYRIGHT, 1921

CONTENTS

PART III

I. SERVANTS

The Servant in the HouseholdA Word to the MistressA Word to the ServantHow to Address ServantsThe Child and the ServantThe Invisible BarrierWhen the Servant SpeaksThe Servants of a Big HouseThe ButlerCorrect Dress for the ButlerThe Second ManThe ChauffeurDuties of the ChauffeurThe ValetThe PageThe Maid-ServantsLady's MaidThe Nurse-MaidDuties of House-MaidIn Conclusion. 

II. DINNERS

About the American HostessPlanning the Formal DinnerArranging the TableStarting at the CenterSome Important DetailsTable EtiquetteTable ServiceUse of the NapkinThe Spoon at the Dinner TableThe Fork and KnifeFinger FoodsTable AccidentsThe HostessWhen the Guests ArriveThe Successful HostessThe GuestComments on FoodSecond HelpingsThe MenuSpecial EntertainmentWhen to LeaveTaking LeaveInviting a Stop-GapSimple DinnersInviting Congenial GuestsWhen There are no ServantsHotel DinnersDress for Dinner

III. LUNCHEONS

Purpose of the LuncheonInformal LuncheonsAbout the TableThe Formal LuncheonThe Table for the Formal LuncheonHostess and GuestFormal and Informal BreakfastsDress for Luncheons and Breakfasts

IV. TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS

Evolution of the Afternoon TeaThe Simpler TeaThe Formal TeaThe Tea TableDress at Tea TimeThe Garden PartyReceiving the GuestsOn the LawnDress for Garden Parties and Lawn FestivalsWoman's Garden CostumeThe Man at the Garden PartyHouse PartiesSending the InvitationWhen the Guests ArriveEntertaining at the House PartyHostess and Guests at the House Party"Tipping" the Servants

V. WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS

When the Bachelor is HostWelcoming the GuestsThe Bachelor's DinnerTea at a Bachelor ApartmentThe Bachelor DanceTheater PartiesYachting Parties

VI. MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS

Preparations for the MusicaleThe Afternoon MusicaleThe Evening MusicaleCard Parties at the MusicaleDuties of Guests at MusicalesDress at the MusicaleArranging Private TheatricalsThe PlayersThe GuestsHost and Hostess

VII. DANCING

Dancing as a Healthful ArtDance-Giving No Longer a LuxuryThe Debut DanceCostume BallsSubscription DancesThe BallroomMusic at the DanceDance ProgramsDinner DancesDressing RoomsThe DanceWhen the Lady is Asked to Dance"Cutting In"Dancing PositionsWhen the Guest Does Not DancePublic DancesA Plea for DancingThe Charm of Dress in DancingAt the Afternoon DanceGentlemen at the DanceDress for the BallDress of the DebutanteWraps at the BallBall Dress for MenFor the Simple Country Dance

VIII. GAMES AND SPORTS

Why the World PlaysFair PlayIndoor GamesChessBridgeBilliards and CroquetOutdoor GamesLawn TennisGolfSome Important Rules about GolfFootballAutomobile EtiquetteAutomobile PartiesRidingBathingSportsClothes in General

PART IV

I. SPEECH

ConversationThe Charm of Correct SpeechCourtesy in ConversationThe VoiceEase in SpeechLocal Phrases and MannerismsImportance of VocabularyInterrupting the Speech of OthersTact in ConversationSome Important InformationWhat to Talk About

II. DRESS

The First ImpressionMen's DressWomen's DressThe Story of DressThe Dawn of FashionThe Fashions of To-dayHarmony in DressImportance of ColorThe Charm of PersonalityGaudiness versus Good Taste"Extravagance the Greatest Vulgarity"Inappropriateness in ClothesThe Eccentric DresserComfort in ClothesIf One is Not AverageTall and Short PeopleThe Well-Dressed WomanNot a Slave to FashionThe Well-Dressed ManThe Charm of Old AgeThe Elderly WomanImitation and Over-DressingThe Older GentlemanA Trip to the SouthFor the Gentleman

III. THE BUSINESS WOMAN

Woman in the Business WorldSelf-ConfidenceThe SlatternFollowing the FashionsGaudy AttractionThe Business SuitThe Business Dress and CoatAn Appeal to Business Women

IV. ON THE STREET

The True EtiquettePoise in PublicThe Charm of CourtesyLadies and GentlemenWhen to Bow in PublicWalking in PublicStopping for a ChatWhen Accidents HappenAccepting Courtesies from StrangersRaising the HatHow to Raise the HatIn the Street CarEntering the CarIn the TaxicabSome Social Errors

V. AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA

Dress at the Theater and OperaEntering the TheaterArriving LateAbout WrapsOrder of PrecedenceBefore the PlayWhen the Curtain is DrawnDuring the PerformanceThe Offending HatApplauseDuring IntermissionLeaving the Theater

VI. HOTEL ETIQUETTE

At the HotelThe Woman GuestReceiving Masculine GuestsMaking Friends at the HotelHow to RegisterIn the Public Dining-RoomHotel StationeryRegarding the ServantsLeaving the Hotel

VII. TRAVEL ETIQUETTE

The Restless Urge of TravelThe Customs of CountriesThe Traveler's WardrobeIn the TrainIn the Sleeping CarTrain CourtesyThe Woman TravelerThe Woman who Travels with an EscortIn the Dining-CarChildren on the TrainIn the TaxicabBon Voyage GiftsOn Board the ShipCourtesy of the ShipThe Woman Crossing the OceanA Concert at SeaAt the Journey's EndAt Hotel and RestaurantAt Tea-Room and Roof-GardenTo Those Who Love to Travel

VIII. TIPPING

An Un-American CustomLavish TippingIn Dining-Room or Dining-CarAt the HotelThe Taxi-DriverOn the TrainCrossing the OceanTips in Foreign Countries

IX. ETIQUETTE ABROAD

The American in Foreign CountriesOn English SoilAddressing RoyaltyOther English Titles-And Still Other TitlesAddressing Clergy AbroadLawyers, Statesmen and Officials-How to Address ThemAt the Court of EnglandWhat to Wear to CourtThe King's LeveesIn FranceAddressing Titled People in FranceCertain French ConventionsDinner EtiquetteFrench Wedding EtiquetteBallsAbout Calls and CardsCorrespondenceThe American in GermanyThe Perfect American Tourist

APPENDIX Foreign Words in Frequent Social Usage

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

READY FOR TEA Frontspiece PageTABLE SET FOR DINERTHE PUNCH TABLETHE BUFFET LUNCH

PART III

Repose and cheerfulness are the badge of the gentleman--repose in energy. The Greek battle pieces are calm; the heroes, in whatever violent actionsengaged, retain a serene aspect; as we say of Niagara, that it fallswithout speed. A cheerful, intelligent face is the end of culture, andsuccess enough. For it indicates the purpose of nature and wisdomattained. --Emerson

 CHAPTER I

 SERVANTS

 THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSEHOLD

"A mouse can look at a king, but a king won't often look at a mouse" saysthe old proverb. Which is, sadly enough, the state of affairs betweenservants and mistresses in many households. 

A great many people feel somehow that those who labor in the capacity ofservants are inferior. But in most cases, it is those who place servantson a lower plane who are themselves inferior. We owe those who take apart in the household affairs of our homes, more than the wages we paythem. We owe them gratitude, courtesy, kindness. Many elaborate dinnerswould be failures if it were not for the silent members of ourhouseholds. Many formal entertainments would be impossible without theirhelp. They hold a certain place of importance in the home and it shouldbe recognized in the social world as a place worthy of every courtesy andrespect. 

For those who are fortunate enough to have servants to help with domestictasks, it is extremely important that the correct etiquette of servantsbe thoroughly known and understood. And those who serve as butlers andmaids and valets must also know the little rules of good conduct thatgovern their duties and responsibilities. The information contained inthe following paragraphs is meant for both the servant and the mistress, and we hope that both will find it valuable. 

 A WORD TO THE MISTRESS

In the home where guests are frequently entertained and where the hostessholds many formal social functions, servants are essential. 

Every family that can afford to do so, should have one, or two, or moreservants according to social requirements and the appointments of thehouse. They should be well instructed in their duties and they should beexpected to carry them out faultlessly. Untidy, noisy, ill-trainedservants reflect upon the manners and conduct of the mistress herself. 

The most common method of engaging a servant is through an agency. Heredifferent types of men and women can be found, and the mistress of thehousehold may be fortunate enough to find one suited to her requirements. Sometimes she secures a maid or butler by the recommendation of someother housekeeper. This method is usually more satisfactory than anyother because it puts things on a rather friendly basis from the start. 

But whether the maid or butler be engaged by recommendation or through anagency, it is important that it be clearly understood from the beginningjust what his or her duties will be. And the mistress should not engagea servant unless she feels sure that he will be able to fill the positionsatisfactorily, for it is both an expensive and provoking process tochange servants frequently. 

The first few days in a new home are always difficult for the servant. The mistress should be patient and considerate and do all she can to makethe newcomer feel at ease in her new surroundings. Her directions shouldbe requests, not commands, and she should overlook blunders for they maybe the result of the servant's unfamiliarity with the household and itscustoms. 

After the servant has been in the household three weeks or a month, themistress has every right to expect him to carry out his duties correctly. But we are all human, and we all make mistakes. When a servant blundersthrough carelessness a reprimand may be necessary, but to scold in loud, angry tones is most ill-mannered. The well-bred woman will never forgetthat there is as much demand for courtesy and kindliness in her relationswith her servants as in any other relation in which she is placed. Thereis absolutely no reason why "please" and "thank you" should be omittedwhen we speak to the people who live in our homes and labor for ourcomfort and happiness. 

 A WORD TO THE SERVANT

Among real Americans, with their democratic views, there can be noobjection to the word "servant. " It is a noun, a name, to denote peoplein a certain occupation; just as "brokers" and "salesmen" and"housewives" denote certain people in other occupations. Therefore theservants who read these sentences, and the women who have servants intheir households, should interpret the word in the spirit it is written, that of true American courtesy and respect. 

Domestic service requires a certain character lacking in most otherprofessions. As a servant, you care for the things of others and itshould be done with as much attention and regard as if they were yourown. You attend to your duties day after day, persisting in work whichmay sometimes become monotonous and which would be easy enough to shirk, but which you do for the comfort and pleasure of your mistress. You findyourself in the position of keeping other people's property attractive, putting other people's visitors at ease and being economical with otherpeople's money. And we repeat again that it requires a certain highstamp of character that is not found in most professions. 

Tidiness is very important in both men and women servants. The maid whoserves at the dinner table must wear a fresh new blouse and a crispapron. Soiled finger-nails or unclean hands are inexcusable. Thewell-trained servant presents always an immaculate, well-groomedappearance. 

It hardly seems necessary to mention that the servant must bescrupulously honest. Perhaps, in their capacity in the home, they areexposed to unusual temptations, but that is just the reason why theyshould refrain from dishonesty of any kind, even the slightest lie. Gossip about the family life of the people they are serving should alsobe avoided by servants. 

The servant should remember that whether she be maid or mistress, she canbe _cultured_. The well-bred, well-trained maid is never sullen orperverse. Nor is her manner servile or haughty. She is respectful toher employers, but she does not cringe. She does her duties carefully, conscientiously and thoroughly, and she carries out the commands of hermistress without question. If, however, a maid thinks that a certaintask could be done much more quickly and satisfactorily in another way, she may suggest it to her mistress and request her permission to do it inthat way. If she is reprimanded for a mistake, she should not becomerude or angry, but remain calm and answer quietly. It will not be longbefore her mistress, if she is the right sort of mistress, recognizes hersuperior qualities, her good manners and conscientious work, and willrespond by treating her in like manner. 

Undue familiarity from the maid is not to be countenanced. But manytimes a certain understanding friendliness develops between a "faithfulmaid and a kind and courteous mistress. " a friendship in which rigidclass distinctions are not sufficient to form a barrier. 

Let those of us who are servants remember that it is only in helpingothers that true happiness is found, and that the world is quick torecognize and reward true, loyal, sincere service. 

 HOW TO ADDRESS SERVANTS

Household servants are usually addressed by their first names. It isindeed bad form to address a servant by some abbreviated nickname, suchas Lizzy for Elizabeth or Maggie for Margaret. The full first name shouldbe used. A pleasant "Good morning, Margaret, " starts the day right, bothfor the mistress and the maid. In England the surname is preferred butthey do not have to contend with all the foreign importations in the wayof names that we have here in America. It is certainly better to callJohn Soennichsen John, than to use his surname. 

A butler or chauffeur is usually addressed by his surname unless he is aman who has served the family for many years. 

The golden rule of "Thank you" is just as golden when it applies to ourservants. It is only the extremely discourteous man or woman who willaddress servants in a peremptory, rude tone. And it is especiallyill-bred and unkind to be overbearing to servants in the presence ofguests, or to scold one servant in the presence of another. 

 THE CHILD AND THE SERVANT

Insolence to servants on the part of children is as much a reflection onthe manners of the parents, as it is upon the breeding of the children. The child that hears the servants addressed in rude, haughty manner willquite naturally adopt the same manner towards them. And no one, child oradult, can be considered well-bred unless he or she is courteous and kindto everyone, especially to those whose social position is inferior. 

In the park, recently, a little tot of six years or thereabouts had a bagof peanuts which she offered to two little playmates and also to theirmother who was sitting near by. Seeing that she did not offer hergoverness some peanuts, the woman inquired, "Why don't you offer MissTaylor some?" To which the youngster immediately replied, "Oh, she's onlymy governess. "

This is the result of wrong principle in the home. No child is born asnob. No child is born haughty and arrogant. It is the home environmentand the precedent of the parents that makes such vain, unkind littlechildren as the one mentioned above. It is actually unfair to the youngchildren in the home to set the wrong example by being discourteous tothe servants. They will only have to fight, later, to conquer the pettysnobbishness that stands between them and their entrance into goodsociety. 

 THE INVISIBLE BARRIER

In the sixteenth century French women servants were arrested and placedin prison for wearing clothes similar to those worn by their "superiors". It developed that they had made the garments themselves, copying themfrom the original models, sometimes sitting up all night to finish thegarment. But the court ruled that it made no difference whether they hadmade them themselves or not; they had worn clothes like theirmistresses', and they must be punished! We very much wiser people of thetwentieth century smile when we read of these ridiculous edicts of along-ago court, but we placidly continue to condemn the shop-girl and theworking-girl if she dares to imitate Parisienne importations. 

It is very often the same in the household. We ridicule the "classsystems" of other countries, yet we deliberately build up a barrierbetween ourselves and those who work for us. Perhaps there must be somesuch barrier to keep the social equilibrium; but is there any reason whyit should be unkind and discourteous?

The mistress should not, of course, confide in her servants, gossip withthem, discuss her affairs with them, enter their quarrels and take sideswith them. But she can be cheerful, polite, considerate; and invariablyshe will find that this kind of treatment will bring an immediateresponse even from the most sullen servant. 

 WHEN THE SERVANT SPEAKS

In answering the mistress or master of the household, it is customary forthe servant to say, "Yes, madam, " or, "Yes, Sir. " Old servants, who havebeen for many years in the employ of the same people, may omit the"madam" and use the name, in this manner--"Yes, Mrs. Brown. " Suchslovenly expressions as "No'm" or "Yessir" show lack of good training onthe part of the servant, and poor judgment on the part of the mistress. 

Brevity and civility are the two most important virtues of the speech ofthe man or maid servant who answers inquiries at the door, admits guestsand takes messages. In the latter case, when a servant takes a messagefor one of the members of the household, a polite "Thank you, madam" isessential. If there is a doubt as to whether or not the hostess is athome, the well-trained servant admits the visitor, asks her to have aseat, and says, "I will inquire. " He returns to say either that Madamis not at home, or that she will be down directly. When announcingguests, the butler should ask, "What name, please?" not in theindifferent, sing-song manner so characteristic of butlers, but in acordial, polite tone of voice, and with a genial smile. Having beengiven the names of the visitors, he announces them in clear, distincttones. These announcements are made while the guests are entering thedrawing room. A mother and two daughters are announced as: "Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith. " If the given names of the young ladies arecalled, the form of announcement is: "Mrs. Smith, Miss Smith, Miss AliceSmith, " the eldest daughter of a family being given the privilege to usethe title "Miss Smith. " In announcing a gentleman and his son, thebutler says: "Mr. Blank, Mr. Francis Blank. "

 THE SERVANTS OF A BIG HOUSE

The small household must choose servants according to convenience andrequirements. Where there are three or four grown-up daughters and thehome is a small one, one maid and one butler are sufficient. But in avery large house with numerous rooms, where many social functions areheld and many house parties are given by the hostess a full corps ofservants is required. Each one should have certain, definite tasks toperform every day. In the luxurious American home, seven servants areusually employed. They are a butler, a chauffeur, a parlor maid, a cook, a laundress, a nurse-maid and a chambermaid. A lady's maid and a valetare sometimes added. A footman, laundry-maid and scullery-maid are alsoadded, sometimes, to the corps of servants. But this list may beincreased or diminished according to the requirements of the individualfamily. For instance, a second-man may be placed underthe direction ofthe butler; a gardener and his assistants may be charged with the care ofthe environs; while grooms may be employed to care for the horses in thestables. But usually these additional servants are the luxuries of theextremely wealthy and should hot be indulged in by those who cannotafford them. In the home where there are several men servants andseveral women servants, it is the best plan for the wife to supervise theduties and responsibilities of the women, leaving the men to be directedby her husband. It is important, though, for the mistress of the housenot to give counter commands to servants who are under her husband'ssupervision, for this may cause a friction that is not conducive to thebest service on the part of the help. 

 THE BUTLER

The duties of the butler confine him to the drawing-room and dining-room. The dining-room, however, is his particular domain; he sees thateverything is in order, that the table is laid correctly, the lightingeffect satisfactory, the flowers arranged, and in short that the room andappointments are in perfect readiness for a punctual meal. In this worka parlor maid assists him by sweeping and dusting, and a pantry-maidhelps him by keeping everything immaculate and in readiness in thepantry. The butler serves at breakfast, luncheon and dinner. 

 Where there is a second-man, he may assist the butler with the servingat dinner; and at large entertainments the maid who assists in the pantrymay also be requested to serve. The butler also is in charge of theafternoon-tea duties, in homes where this custom prevails. He brings inthe tray, arranges it for the hostess and sees that everyone is served. Where there are only a few servants, the butler may be expected to helpwith the dishes, polish the silver and assist in the pantry. But ifthere are maid servants, and a second-man to do the heavier work, then heis expected to serve in a small measure as the valet for the master ofthe house. He lays out his evening clothes, brushes and presses thegarments worn in the morning, and draws his bath. Sometimes, when hisdomestic duties are very light, the butler is requested to serve asfootman to the mistress when she goes riding in the afternoon. Animportant duty of the butler is to answer the door bell whenever itrings. He must see that the front door and the hall is in order andwell-swept, and that the drawing-room door is locked every night afterthe family has retired. A great deal of the comfort and pleasure of thefamily depends upon the manner in which the butler attends to his duties. 

 CORRECT DRESS FOR THE BUTLER

Neatness of attire is extremely important. The butler should beclean-shaven, and he should not fail to be fresh-shaven every day. Hishair should not be closely cropped, but cut loosely, and it should bewell-brushed at all times. Well-kept nails are, of course, veryimportant not only for the butler but for anyone who serves at the tableor has anything to do with the food. As nearly as possible, the butler'scostume should parallel the following description, but each passingseason finds some minor detail slightly changed, and each new seasonfinds a slight variation from the costume of the season before. So thebest thing to do is to find out definitely from a reliable clothier orfrom the men's furnishing department of a large department store, justwhat the butler's costume of the present time consists of. Ordinarily, the butler wears white linen in the morning, with black or dark graytrousers, a black waistcoast that buttons high, and a swallow-tail coat. It is also permissible for him to wear a short roundtail coat in themorning hours; it is similar to the gentleman's tailless evening coat, but it is not faced with silk. A black or dark tie and black shoescomplete the outfit, which is worn until after the midday meal. Ifguests are to be entertained at luncheon, the butler wears his afternoonand evening livery. Otherwise he dons it only after luncheon or aboutthree o'clock in the afternoon. It consists of complete black eveningdress similar in cut and style to that worn by gentlemen. There are nobraidings or facings, though the material of the suit may be every whitas excellent in quality as that worn by the master of the house. Thebutler does not wear a white waistcoat, a watch chain, or jeweled studswith his after noon or evening livery. Nor may he wear a boutonniere oran assertive tie or patent leather shoes. And it is extremely bad tastefor him to use perfume of any kind. He wears white linen with plainwhite studs in the shirt front, a standing collar, white lawn tie andplain black shoes. His watch is slipped into his waistcoast pocketwithout chain or fob. White gloves are no longer the custom for menservants in the private home. When acting as footman to his mistress inthe afternoon, the butler wears the livery described for the second man. In cold weather he is supplied with a long footman's coat; and he is alsosupplied with a top hat and gloves, all matching in color and style thoseworn by the chauffeur. 

 THE SECOND MAN

The second man may be employed exclusively for the house, or he may beemployed solely to serve as footman, sitting next to the chauffeur whenthe mistress is motoring. In the latter case he wears the regular liverymatching that worn by the chauffeur. But usually a second man is expectedto help in the house besides serving as footman. He assists the butler byanswering the door bell whenever the other is busy or occupied elsewhere. He washes dishes and windows and polishes the silver. He tends to theopen fireplace in winter, and to the arranging of the flowers in thesummer. The veranda, front steps and courtyard are also in his care. And when there are guests for dinner, or at a large entertainment, hehelps serve at the table. The livery of the second man is the sameindoors all day; he does not change for the evening. It consists of coatand trousers of one solid color determined by the heads of the house. Itis usually a very dark green, brown, gray or blue, and the outside edgeof the trouser leg is piped in some contrasting color. The coat isusually swallowtail in cut, and is ornamented with brass or silverbuttons on the tails, on the cuffs and down the front. Lately this vogueof the brass and silver button is disappearing. The color worn by thesecond man should be the predominating color worn by all the otherliveried servants in the household. It is certainly not good form tohave the chauffeur wear one color of livery, and the footman next to himwear livery of an entirely different color and cut. With his liverydescribed above, the second man wears a waistcoat of Valencia, striped inthe two colors that appear on the coat and trousers. It is usually cut Vshape, disclosing white linen in which are fastened two plain whitestuds, a standing collar, and a white lawn tie. When he serves asfootman, the second man may either be requested to don complete carlivery, or he may wear a long footman's overcoat; top hat and gloves overhis house livery. A clean shaven face and well-brushed, close-clippedhair are pleasing characteristics of the second man. Untidiness, ill-kept hands and nails, and the use of jewelry or perfume should not betolerated in the second man, whether be serves only as footman, or in thehouse. When he helps the butler at the dinner table, he should beespecially immaculate in appearance. 

 THE CHAUFFEUR

The gallant coachman of a decade ago has given way to the chauffeur ofto-day. But we find that his livery is no less important. It is governedby a very definite convention. In winter, for instance, the chauffeurwears long trousers of melton or kersey or similar material and adouble-breasted greatcoat of the same material. The collar and cuffs maybe of a contrasting color or of the same color as the rest of thematerial. He wears a flat cap with a stiff visor and a band of the samecontrasting color that appears on the collar and cuffs of the coat. Darkgloves and shoes are worn. Sometimes, instead of long trousers, thechauffeur wears knee-trousers with leather leggings. If desired, adouble row of brass, silver or polished horn buttons may decorate thefront of the greatcoat, but this must be determined by the prevailingcustom. If the weather is extremely cold, the chauffeur should beprovided with a long coat of goat or wolf-skin, or some other suitableprotection against the cold and wind. During the summer months, thechauffeur usually wears gray or brown cords, developed in theconventional style. His cap and gloves match. 

 DUTIES OF THE CHAUFFEUR

The complete care of the car or cars devolves upon the chauffeur. Hemust see that it is always spotless and shining, that it is in goodcondition and will not break down during a trip, and that it is inreadiness whenever the owners want to use it. When the mistress goesmotoring, the chauffeur stands at the door of the car until she enters, arranges the robes and sees that she is comfortable before taking his ownplace. Upon receiving her orders, he touches the rim of his cap. It isnot necessary, however, upon reaching the destination for the chauffeurto descend and open the door for his mistress. His place is at the wheeland that is where he remains. But if there is a second man to assist thechauffeur, who accompanies him on every trip as a motor footman, heshould descend and stand at attention while the mistress emerges from thecar. The footman dresses like the chauffeur. He leaves cards when themistress makes her social calls, and he rings house bells for her. He isalso expected to be useful in performing personal service for themasculine members of the household. Very often it happens that atourist, instead of hiring a car and chauffeur when he reaches a strangecountry, desires to take his own car and chauffeur with him. He must besure to arrange beforehand to have the man admitted to the foreigncountry, for negligence may cause him much delay and trouble when hereaches the borderline. He must also arrange for the sleeping and eatingfacilities of his chauffeur when they stop for a day or two in a town orvillage. It is not right to expect him to eat with the servants, norwill he wish to eat at the same table with his employer. It is wisest togive him an allowance and permit him to eat and sleep where he pleases. 

 THE VALET

The business of the valet is to attend to all the comforts and desires ofthe master of the house. He takes no part in the general housework, except in an emergency. The valet does not wear livery. Indoors, in theevening and during the day, he wears dark gray or black trousers, whitelinen, a high-buttoned black waistcoat and a plain black swallow-tailedcoat or one cut with short rounded tails. He wears a dark tie and dullleather shoes. He may also wear an inconspicuous pin in his tie andsimple cuff-links; but a display of jewelry is not permissible. It mayhappen that a butler is ill or called away, or that there is a shortageof servants during a large entertainment. In this case the valet may becalled upon to serve as a butler, and he then wears complete butler'sdress, with the long-tailed coat. When traveling with his employer, thevalet wears an inconspicuous morning suit of dark gray, brown or bluetweed in the conventional style. He completes this outfit with a blackor brown derby hat and black leather shoes. The duties of the valet areas follows: he brushes, presses, cleans, packs or lays out the clothes ofhis employer, draws the water for his bath, and assists him to dress. Hekeeps his wardrobe in order and packs and un-packs his trunks whenever heis traveling. He does all his errands, buys his railway and steamshiptickets, pays his bills, and carries his hand-luggage when they aretraveling together. Sometimes he shaves him, orders his clothes, andwrites his business letters. But these duties are expected only ofaccomplished valets. He does not, however, make the bed or sweep or dusthis employer's room. 

 THE PAGE

The page is a very convenient servant to have when there is no second-manor when there are no men-servants at all. His duties are many andvaried. He runs errands for everyone in the house, assists theparlor-maid, looks after the open fire places and opens the door tocallers. Sometimes he even serves as a sort of miniature footman, sitting next to the chauffeur in complete footman livery. The livery forthe page boy is the same during the day and evening. It is a simple, neat coat and trousers of dark cloth piped with the contrasting liverycolor of the family in which he serves. The coat fits the body snugly, and ends at the waistline except for a slight point at back and front. Metal buttons set as closely together as possible fasten the coat fromtop to bottom. The trousers are piped or braided in the contrastingcolor down the outside of the leg. White linen should show at the wristsand above the high collar of the coat, but there should be no tie. Blackcalf skin shoes complete the outfit, and when the page is out of doors, he wears a round cap to match his suit. The bullet-shaped metal buttonsdown the front of the coat, and three of the same buttons sewed on theoutside seam of the cuffs, have earned for the page the ratherappropriate name of "Buttons. "

 THE MAID-SERVANTS

Whether there is only one maid-servant in the house, or many, theirduties should be clearly defined and understood. It is the only way toavoid quarreling and misunderstanding among the servants themselves. Leteach one understand from the very first day he begins work just what hisduties are. In this case as in many another an ounce of prevention isworth a pound of cure. If there are quarrels among the servants themistress should not interfere nor take sides. If possible she shouldremove the cause of the friction, and for a serious fault she shoulddischarge the one that is causing the disturbance. 

The services of the waitress are confined to the drawing-room floor. Sheserves breakfast, luncheon and dinner, and afternoon tea where it is thecustom. This is assuming, however, that there is no butler in the home. In this case she attends to all the other duties that would ordinarilyfall upon him. She answers the doorbell, polishes the silver, helps withthe washing of the dishes and sees that the table is correctly laid foreach meal. 

The parlor maid is a luxury enjoyed only by families of great wealth. She is expected to devote her time and attention wholly to thedrawing-room and dining-room, assisting the waitress in the pantry andkeeping the library and drawing-room in order. But in the averagecomfortable home of America there are usually only two maids, a housemaidand a waitress (with perhaps the additional services of a cook) and thesetwo maids have the care of the dining, living and bedrooms dividedbetween them. 

The dress of the house-maids is very much alike. The waitress, or parlormaid, wears a plain, light-colored dress in the morning with a ratherlarge apron, and a small white cap. The chambermaid's costume is verymuch the same. In the afternoon the parlor maid or waitress changes to ablack serge dress in winter, or a black poplin in summer, with whitelinen cuffs and collars and a small white apron. [The costumes formaid-servants change frequently, only in slight details, but enough towarrant specific research at the time the servant is outfitted. A largedepartment store, or a. Store devoted exclusively to the liveries ofservants, will be able to tell you exactly the correct costumes formaid-servants at the present time. Or you may find the desiredinformation in a current housekeeping magazine. ]

The maid-servants never wear jewelry or other finery while they are onduty. One very simple brooch, or perhaps a pair of cuff links, ispermissible; but bracelets, rings and neck ornaments are in bad taste. Elaborate dressing of the hair should also be avoided, and careless, untidy dressing should never be countenanced. 

 LADY'S MAID

The lady's maid does not take part in the general housework. Her dutiesare solely to care for the wardrobe of her mistress, to assist her at hertoilette, to draw her bath, to lay out her clothes and keep her roomtidy. But she does not sweep or dust the room or make the bed--these arethe duties of the chamber-maid. If she is an accomplished maid she willprobably do a great deal of sewing, and perhaps she will massage hermistress' hair and manicure her nails. But these duties are not to heexpected; the mistress who finds her maid is willing to do these thingsfor her, is indeed fortunate. 

A black dress in winter, and a black skirt and waist in summer, worn witha small, dainty white apron comprises the costume of the lady's maid. Stiff white cuffs and collar add a touch of prim neatness which is mostdesirable. At the present tune, the tiny white cap formerly worn bylady's maids has been almost entirely dispensed with. 

When traveling with her mistress, the lady's maid should wear only verysimple and inconspicuous clothes. A tweed suit worn with a neat blouse, or a tweed coat worn over a simple dress, is the best form. Anythinggaudy or elaborate worn by a lady's maid is frowned upon by politesociety. 

 THE NURSEMAID

The nurse-maid should be very particular about her dress. She shouldalways be faultlessly attired, her hair neat and well-brushed, herentire appearance displaying a tidy cleanliness. 

In the house the nurse-maid wears a simple dress of wool or heavymaterial with a white apron and white collar and cuffs. In warmer weathershe wears linen or poplin with the apron and collar and cuffs. Outdoors, she wears a long full cloak over her house dress. 

 DUTIES OF HOUSEMAID

The cook, who is always dressed spotlessly in white, does nothing outsidethe kitchen unless special arrangements have been made to the contrary. She keeps the kitchen tidy and clean, cooks the meals, helps with thedishes and perhaps attends to the furnace. 

The waitress opens and airs the living-rooms, dusts the rooms and getseverything in readiness for breakfast. It is customary to excuse her assoon as the principal part of the breakfast has been served, so that shemay attend to her chamber-work and be ready to come down to her breakfastby the time the family has finished. However, before she goes to her ownbreakfast, she is expected to clear the dining-room table and take thedishes into the kitchen. 

If the waitress does not help with the chamber-work, this duty fallsentirely upon the chamber-maid. She must make the beds, sweep and dustthe bedrooms, and keep them immaculate. The mistress should inspect thechamber-work occasionally for servants must not be permitted to feel thatcarelessness in details will be overlooked And the mistress should alsotake care of her own linen closet, unless she has a very trustworthy andcompetent servant; for linens should be worn alike, and not some wornconstantly and others allowed to lie forgotten in corner of the closet. 

 IN CONCLUSION

A good servant--and by "good" we mean a man or woman who goes aboutduties cheerfully, is respectful and willing, who is neat, well-manneredand well-trained must be treated in the right manner if he or she is toremain such. There are so many blunders the mistress can make, so manymistakes that bring the wrong response from those who are temporarily apart of her household. 

For instance, a haughty, arrogant manner towards a servant who issensitive will by no means encourage that servant to do his or her bestwork. And on the other hand, a servile manner towards a good servant oneis afraid of losing, encourages that servant to take liberties and becomeunduly familiar. 

It is as difficult to be a good mistress as it is to be a good servant. Both duties require a keen understanding and appreciation of humannature, a kindliness of spirit and a desire to be helpful. Both theservant and the mistress have their trials and troubles, but they shouldremember that it is only through mutual helpfulness and consideration, anexacting attention to duties and responsibilities, a wise supervision anda faithful service, that harmony and happiness can be reached in thehome. And both should bear in mind that this harmony and happiness issomething worth-while striving for, something worth-while being patientand persistent for. 

There is an old proverb which literally translated means, "By the servantthe master is known. " It is a good proverb for both the servant and themistress to remember. 

 CHAPTER II

 DINNERS

 ABOUT THE AMERICAN HOSTESS

The greatest pride of the American hostess is her formal dinner. And itis to her credit that we mention that she can hold her own against themost aristocratic families of Europe. 

There is a story told of a well-known New York society matron who gave aformal dinner party on every occasion that warranted it, no matter howtrivial, for the reason that it gave her keen pleasure and enjoyment todo so. At one of her dinners recently a famous world-touring lecturerwas the guest of honor--and the hostess was as happy and proud as it ispossible for a hostess to be. Especially was she proud of the delectablemenu she had ordered prepared for the occasion. 

But much to her chagrin, she noticed that her distinguished guest was noteating the tempting hot dishes--only the vegetables, and relishes andfruits. She did not wish to appear rude, but she could not wait untildinner was over before asking him why he was not eating. "I am avegetarian, " he answered, "and I never indulge in meats. "

The hostess-of-many-dinners had an inspiration. Here was an opportunityto give a unique dinner-and nothing could be more delightful for her. Aweek later, she sent out invitations to all her friends requesting theirpresence at another formal dinner to be held in honor of the visitinglecturer. This time it was a vegetarian dinner. Suffice to say that itwas a huge success. 

Such is the hospitality of our American hostesses that they will concedeto every whim and desire of their guests. They must be pleased at allcosts. The dinner is not a success unless each guest leaves a littlehappier than when he came and incidentally a little better pleased withthe person who happens to be giving the dinner. 

 PLANNING THE FORMAL DINNER

First in importance, of course, is when shall the formal dinner be held?Any evening of the week may be selected--although Sunday is rarelychosen. The hour is usually between seven and eight o'clock. Invitations should be mailed a week or ten days before the date set forthe dinner. The hostess may use her own judgment in deciding whether theinvitations should be engraved on cards, or hand-written on note paper. The former is preferred for an elaborate dinner, the latter for a smallone. 

It must be remembered in inviting guests to dinner, that it is a breachof etiquette to invite a wife without her husband, or the opposite. Amarried couple must always be invited together. If there are othermembers of the family who are desired as guests at the dinner, separateinvitations must be sent to them. A dinner card is always addressed to ahusband and wife, and individually to single persons. 

For the convenience of the host, it is a point of courtesy for everyrecipient of an invitation to dinner, to answer promptly. A good rule isto decide immediately upon receiving it whether or not you will be ableto attend, and follow it with a cordial answer within the nexttwenty-four hours. If you find that you must refuse, there must be avery good reason for doing so. 

In planning the dinner party, the hostess must go over her list offriends and carefully select six or eight who would naturally be mostcongenial together. The number may even be as low as four, and whilethere can be no absolute limit to the number one may invite, there mustnever be more than the hostess can handle easily. If the guests arechosen carefully, with a regard for their likes and dislikes, the dinneris bound to be a happy one. 

 ARRANGING THE TABLE

To set the formal dinner table correctly is an art in itself. 

The appointments of the modern dinner table are a delight. Services areof silver and china is of the finest. Both the square or round table areappropriate, the latter being the most popular since it is easier to makeattractive. A mat of asbestos or a thickness of canton flannel is firstspread on the table. Over this comes the snowy, linen table-cover, falling gracefully over the sides with the four points almost touchingthe floor. A place is laid for each guest. The most fashionable methodis to have a large lace or embroidered doily in the center of the table, and smaller ones indicating the position of the guests. A centerpiece ofglass, china, silver, is usually used, over the doily or without it, andon top of this, flowers. Delicate ferns are sometimes used instead offlowers, although roses (hot-house roses when no others are obtainable)are always the favorite at an elaborate dinner. 

 STARTING AT THE CENTER

When the center ornament has been adjusted, it may be used as amathematical base for all the rest of the table appointments. Candlesticks, either of silver or bronze, are artistic when placed atequal distance around the flowers. They diffuse a soft light upon thetable, and by being an incentive to the recalling of old memories, theyinvoke conversation when there is danger of its lagging. It is one ofthe charms of candlelight--thus power to bring up pleasant reminiscences. Between these stately guardians of the floral centerpiece may be placedsmall dishes containing preserved ginger, macaroons or bon-bons. 

Salt-cellars and pepper-boxes are next located on the table, and theplaces are laid for the guests. The proper number of forks is placed tothe left. The knives and spoons are placed at the right. They areplaced in the order in which they are to be used. Not more than threeforks should ever appear on the table at one time. If others are neededthey should be placed with their respective courses. A small square ofbread, or a roll, is in the center, covered with the folded napkin, and alittle to the left are the several glasses. 

Care must be taken in arranging the dinner table to have both sidesbalanced. There is an old maxim that says, "There must be a use foreverything" and this holds especially true of the table of good taste. It must not be littered with useless articles, no matter how artistic orodd, for they hamper the movements of the guests and make thingsunnecessarily crowded. Butter rarely appears on the table at the formaldinner; and condiments are brought in by the servant only as they areneeded. 

 SOME IMPORTANT DETAILS

Menu-cards are no longer used at the formal dinner, unless it is incelebration of some auspicious occasion and honored guests are present. In this case, the hostess has the menus printed or engraved in a delicatescript and has one placed beside the plate of each guest. A favoritefashion is to have them printed in French. Sometimes one of these cardsserves for two guests, although the hostess who takes a pride in herdinners will provide each guest with one, as it serves as an appropriatesouvenir of the occasion. 

The lighting effect of the dining-room is important. Instead of thecandles on the table there may be an electric cluster high above thetable, or small candle-power electric lights on the walls. These latterproduce a soft effect which is most pleasing. Glaring lights of any kindshould be avoided. Candles and electric lights should never be used inconjunction. 

There is nothing more conducive to thorough enjoyment of an evening, tothe thorough enjoyment of a menu, than when table and appointments areperfect and artistically simple. The hostess should give as much timeand thought to the preparation and arrangement of the table, as she doesto the planning of the menu. She will find that her guests willappreciate novel lighting effects, surprising color tones, unusualserving innovations. And she will find that a correctly laid table willadd surprisingly to the entire success of her dinner party. 

 TABLE ETIQUETTE

The importance of correct table etiquette cannot be over-emphasized. Nothing is more vulgar, than clumsy, awkward movements at the table, andit is certainly a sign of ill-breeding deliberately to fail to act inaccordance with the rules of table etiquette. The rules of dinneretiquette should be studied carefully and just as carefully followed, ifone wishes to be--and everyone does--a lady or a gentleman. 

Perhaps the most important thing is one's bearing at table. Very oftenyou see a seemingly cultured gentleman in a hotel dining-room orrestaurant playing with the table silver or absent-mindedly clinkingglasses together. This may be overlooked in the restaurant, but at aformal dinner it is essentially bad form. When the hands are not beingused, they should rest quietly in the lap--never should the elbows berested on the table. The chair should be neither too near nor too farfrom the table; both are ungraceful and awkward. 

 TABLE SERVICE

The dinner napkin is from twenty to twenty-four inches across. It isfolded square unless the table is somewhat crowded, when it may be foldeddiagonally (after having been folded square) so as to give more spacearound the board. If the napkins are monogrammed the monogram should beplaced so as to be in plain view. 

At a formal dinner the first course is on the table when the guests enterthe dining-room. It consists of oysters, a canape, a fruit cocktail, grapefruit or something else of the same kind. Oysters on the half-shellare served bedded in crushed ice in a soup plate. This is placed on theservice plate. A cocktail is served in a cocktail glass which is placedon a doily-covered plate which in turn is placed on the service plate. The silver for the first course may be on the table beside the soup spoonor it may be served with the course. 

The waiter removes the first course entirely before the soup is placed. He stands at the left of each guest and removes the plates with his lefthand. The soup in soup plates (not in a tureen) is placed on the serviceplates and when this course is over service plates as well as soup platesare removed and the entree is served. If the plates for it are emptythey are placed with the right hand but if the entree is already on themthey are placed with the left. If empty plates are supplied the waiterpasses the entree on a platter held on a folded napkin on his left hand, using his right hand to help balance it. Each guest serves himself. 

At the conclusion of this course the plates are removed and empty warmplates placed for the meat course. The meat should be carved before itis brought to the table and after the waiter has served each person heserves the vegetables. If there is only one waiter it is more convenientto have the vegetables placed on the table in large vegetable dishes fromwhich each guest serves himself. After the vegetables have gone aroundonce they are removed but they may be passed once or twice again beforethe conclusion of the meal. 

The salad follows. It may be served on each plate (and this is surelythe more artistic way) or it may be served from a platter. After thesalad the table is cleared of all plates that have been in use, of saltand pepper shakers or cellars and is crumbed before the dessert isbrought in. 

Usually the dessert which is nearly always ice-cream or something elsefrozen is served in individual dishes. Small cakes are passed with it. Other desserts besides ice-cream are served in much the same way. 

When the dessert has been removed, finger-bowls half filled with waterand placed on a small doily-covered plate are set before each person. 

Coffee may be served at the table but it is more often served in thedrawing-room. 

 USE OF THE NAPKIN

What can be more unsightly than a napkin tucked carefully in the top ofone's waistcoat? And still, how often one sees it done among men whobelieve that they are impressively well-bred! The proper way to use anapkin, whether it is at a formal dinner, or in a restaurant, is tounfold it only half, leaving the center fold as it is, and lay it acrossthe knees. It may be used constantly during the meal, whenever the guestfinds need for it, but it must never be completely unfolded. 

When rising from the table, the napkin is placed as it is on the table. It is never folded again into its original form, as that would be anassumption on the part of the guest that the hostess would use it againbefore laundering. A reprehensible habit is to drop the napkincarelessly into the finger-bowl, or over the coffee cup. It should belaid on the table, at the right of the finger-bowl. 

 THE SPOON AT THE DINNER TABLE

Spoons are used when eating grapefruit and other fruits served withcream. Jellies, puddings, custards, porridges, preserves and boiled eggsare always eaten with spoons. Also, of course, soup, bouillon, coffeeand tea. In the case of the three latter beverages, however; the spoonis used only to stir them once or twice and to taste them to see thatthey are of the desired temperature. It is never allowed to stand in thecup while the beverage is being drunk. Nor is it permissible to draw upa spoonful of soup or coffee and blow upon it; one must wait until it issufficiently cooled of itself. In taking soup, the correct way to usethe spoon is to dip it with an outward motion instead of drawing ittowards one. The soup is then imbibed from the side, not the end. 

 THE FORK AND KNIFE

In using the fork and knife, one can display a pleasing grace, or justthe opposite--awkward clumsiness. It depends entirely upon how well oneknows and follows the correct rules. The first rule to be remembered isthat a knife is never used for any other purpose than cutting food. Itis unforgiveable to use a knife to convey food to the mouth--unforgiveable and vulgar. The knife is held in the right hand andthe fork in the left. When the desired morsel of food is cut, the knifeis laid aside temporarily and the fork is shifted to the right hand. 

The knife and fork should never be held in the same hand together, andwhen not being used, one or both of the utensils should rest on theplate. They should never be allowed to rest against the edge of theplate with the handles on the table; when one is through with both theknife and fork, they should be placed entirely on the plate, their tipstouching at the center, their handles resting against the edge. They arenever placed back again on the table. 

The foods eaten with the fork are meats, vegetables, fish, salads, oysters and clams, lobster, ices, frozen puddings and melons. Hearts oflettuce and lettuce leaves are folded up with the fork and conveyed uncutto the mouth. If the leaves are too large to be folded conveniently, they may be cut with the blunt edge of the fork--never with a knife. 

 FINGER FOODS

Various foods are eaten with the fingers instead of fork or spoon. Bread, for instance, is never cut but always broken into small pieces andlifted to the mouth with the fingers. Butter is seldom provided at theformal dinner, but if it is, each little piece of bread is butteredindividually just before it is eaten. Crackers and cake are eaten in thesame way; although some cakes and pastries are eaten with the fork. Those that can be eaten daintily with the fingers such as macaroons, lady-fingers, cookies, etc. , should be eaten so while layer cake andelaborate pastries should be eaten with the fork. 

Corn on the cob is without a doubt one of the most difficult foods to eatgracefully. And yet it is too delicious to forego the pleasure of eatingit at all. It is entirely permissible to use the fingers in eating corn, holding it lightly at each end; sometimes a napkin is used in holding it. Many a foresighted hostess, when serving corn on the cob, provides eachguest with a short, keen, steel-bladed knife with which the kernels maybe cut from the cob easily. This is by far the most satisfactory method. 

French artichokes are also difficult to eat. The proper way is to breakthem apart, leaf by leaf, dip the tips in the sauce and lift them to themouth with the fingers. The heart is cut and eaten with a fork. 

Lobster claws may be pulled apart with the fingers. Shrimps also, whenserved whole in their shells, may be separated, peeled and eaten with thefingers. Fruits such as oranges, apples, grapes, peaches and plums areall eaten with the fingers. Celery, radishes and olives are similarlyeaten. Sometimes there are other relishes on the dinner table, and theguest must use his common sense to determine whether they are eaten withthe fork or fingers. Bonbons, of course, are always eaten with thefingers. 

Whenever fruits are served the finger-bowl should follow. It is alwaysused at the completion of the dinner. The bowl is half filled with tepidwater and set upon a plate. A fragrant leaf may be added to the water. The fingers are dipped lightly into the bowl, one hand at a time, andthen dried on the napkin. It is a mark of ill breeding to splash thewater about, to put both hands into the bowl at once, or to wet theentire palm of the hand. Only the finger tips should touch the water. 

 TABLE ACCIDENTS

"Accidents will happen"--at the dinner table as well as anywhere else. The duty of the guest and the hostess both is to see that no confusionand embarrassment follows. 

If a spoon or fork or napkin is dropped, the proper thing to do is toallow the servant to pick it up; the well-trained servant will not returnit, but place it aside and give the guest another one. If a glass or cupis dropped and broken, embarrassed apologies will not put it togetheragain, but a word of sincere regret to the hostess will relieve theawkwardness of the moment, and will be as gratifying to her as profuseapologies. If the article broken is a valuable one, the guest mayreplace it by sending, a day or two later, another one as nearly like itas possible. A cordial note of regret may accompany it. 

Sometimes a cup of coffee or a glass of water is overturned at the table. This is, of course, a very serious and unpleasant accident, but there isno necessity in making matters worse by fussing about it and offeringseveral exaggerated apologies. A simple word or two to the hostess willsuffice; but it is really quite important that one should be careful notto let an accident of this kind happen too often, otherwise one will soonacquire the reputation of being a clumsy boor. 

There is certainly no reason to feel embarrassed when an accident occursat the dinner table that is, of course, if it was not due tocarelessness. It is not the accident itself that will cause the guestsand the hostess to consider one ill-bred, but continued mention of it andmany flustered apologies. "I am sorry" or "How careless of me!" aresufficient offers of regret--the matter should then be forgotten. 

 THE HOSTESS

Important indeed are the duties of the hostess, for it is upon her thatthe ultimate success of the dinner depends. It is not enough to send outthe invitations, plan a delectable menu and supervise the laying of thetable. She must afford pleasant diversion and entertainment for herguests from the minute they enter her home until they are ready to leave. The ideal hostess is the one who can make her guests, one and all, feelbetter satisfied with themselves and the world in general when they leaveher home than they did when they arrived. 

 WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE

The duty of receiving and welcoming the guests rests with the host andhostess. They receive in the drawing-room until fifteen or twentyminutes after the time mentioned in the invitations. Then, even if thereis still a guest or two missing, it is customary for dinner to be served. Only on one occasion does this rule vary; if the dinner is being held inhonor of some celebrated guest, it may not be served until he hasarrived. 

The hostess, in inviting her guests, should be sure that there is anequal number of men and women. Husbands and wives should never be sentinto the dining-room together. The usual order of precedence is asfollows: The host leads with the lady who is to sit at his right; if thedinner is in honor of a married couple, the host goes in to dinner withthe wife of the honored guest; the hostess ending the "procession" withthat lady's husband. When there are no guests of honor the host takes theeldest lady present. Usually a lady visiting the house for the firsttime is the first to enter the dining-room. If there is one more womanthan men in the party, the customary thing is for the hostess to enterthe dining-room alone after all her guests have entered it. She mustnever take the other arm of the last gentleman. 

The seating should be arranged by placing cards bearing the names of eachguest next to each plate if the party is a large one. This method may bepursued if the party is small, though, in this case it is quite possiblefor the hostess to indicate gracefully the place where she wishes eachguest to sit. The guests who enter the dining-room together sit side byside; the hostess always waits until everyone is seated, before she takesher place and motions that the dinner is to proceed. 

When a guest arrives late, the hostess must endeavor to make him feel atease and unembarrassed. If the guest is a woman, she rises, greets hercordially and conducts her to her place without mentioning her lateness. If it is a man, she merely bows and smiles without rising and immediatelystarts a lively discussion or interesting conversation to draw attentionaway from the late arrival. In this manner he is put at ease, and theincident is promptly forgotten. 

 THE SUCCESSFUL HOSTESS

The hostess must see that all her guests are comfortable and well takencare of. She must stimulate conversation and help things along byherself relating amusing little anecdotes or experiences. She must notintroduce any topic, however, that would in the least detail suggestscandal or gossip. 

Nothing is more delightful, at the dinner table, whether formal orinformal, than the interesting little chats between old friends and newacquaintances. Special musical programs always please dinner guests, andwhen held after dinner are usually appreciated. In selecting musicalnumbers the hostess should bear in mind the personal likes and dislikesof her guests. Music during the meal if it is soft enough not tointerfere with conversation is pleasing, though it is not essential. Themusicians should be hidden behind palms. 

Happy is she, who, at the conclusion of the formal dinner, can say toherself that everything was as it should be; that each of the guests hadan enjoyable time; that the entire dinner had been a success. And shemay claim the success of the evening as her own, for it is upon thehostess that each phase of successful dinner-giving devolves, even whenmost of the actual entertaining is done by one or more of the guests. 

 THE GUEST

When Gung-Yee-Far-Choy (the Chinese two-week New Year) comes, our yellowcousins make their formal visits. It is a time of extreme convention, and despite the seeming revelry and celebration, the strictest rules areobserved. The calls are made according to the caller's rank. One paysvisits to those superior, receiving in turn those inferior. It isperplexing to know just how they decide which is superior and whichinferior in each case. Perhaps it is their Oriental instinct. 

But the American guest does not have to determine whether he is superiorto his host and hostess--or the opposite. It is already decided for him, by the laws of etiquette. For the guest at the formal dinner must accordevery respect and honor to his host and hostess not in the servile mannerof the coolie towards the mandarin, of course--but in the captivating andcharming manner that bespeaks the fine lady and gentleman. 

 COMMENTS ON FOOD

Men and women of cultivation rarely make comments on food except topraise. It is better to accept a little of each course on one's placeand eat a bit of it although one does not particularly care for it, thanto refuse it entirely. A highly amusing story is related of a guest whowas invited to a formal dinner given by a prominent New York woman whohad gained a reputation for the savory qualities of the soups she served. On this occasion she was especially proud of her Grun Yung Waa(Bird's-Nest Soup)--and really, from all reports, it must have beenremarkably delicious. But the guest we are writing about, sniffed at thesoup disdainfully and asked, "Is this some of that new canned soup theyare advertising?" The hostess blushed--as any conscientious hostesswould--and the next time she issued invitations for dinner, she somehowforgot to include the guest who read the advertisements so diligently. 

 SECOND HELPINGS

A guest at a formal dinner should never ask for a second helping of anydish. This holds equally true for an elaborate luncheon. However, thehost or hostess may offer to provide a second helping to any one of theguests who has disposed of his first helping. In this case, the guestmay acknowledge it with a smile, or if his appetite is entirelysatisfied, he may refuse it with a polite word of thanks. 

To insist, on the part of the host, after the guest has refused a secondhelping, is overdoing the bounds of hospitality, and perilously borderson the verge of incivility. 

 THE MENU

The hostess must be careful not to apologize profusely for things whichare not as she would like to have them; it is better form completely toignore the fact that the salad is not crisp enough or that the entree istoo highly seasoned. The entire time spent at table should be no morethan an hour and a half. An hour is usually sufficient if the coursesare served with expedition. But there must be no semblance of haste. 

Good cook books are full of suggestions for delectable menus and for theorder of service. The butler or maid takes complete charge and it isbetter to have a less elaborate dinner than to have so many courses thathe or she cannot manage without haste, noise, or confusion. The order ofservice depends upon the number of courses. The cook book will helphere, also. Generally speaking, oysters on the half shell buried in ice, a cocktail, or a fruit cup constitutes the first course. This isfollowed by soup, game or fish, a salad, the roast and vegetables, dessert and coffee. 

In presenting the first course the lady at the right of the host isserved first. After that the order is varied so that the same personwill not be served last every time. The butler serves dishes from theleft and removes them from the right. No plates for any course areremoved until everyone has finished. It is not necessary to wait untileveryone is served to begin eating but it is most vulgar to show unduehaste. 

It is the duty of the butler to keep the glasses filled with water and tosee that nuts, bonbons, etc. , are passed frequently. 

When fruit is served, the butler places a glass dessert plate on which isan embroidered doily and finger-bowl, before each guest, and next to it asmall fruit knife. Then the fruits are offered to each guest; and whenthe hostess is quite sure that everyone has finished, she makes the signfor retiring. The usual manner of doing this, is to catch the eye of thelady who is the partner of her husband for the evening, nod and smile toher, and they both rise together, followed immediately by the other womenguests. They adjourn to the drawing-room, where coffee is served andlight conversation ensues until the men join them. The latter, in themeanwhile, remain in the dining-room to smoke their cigars and drinktheir coffee. Usually they will leave their original seats and move upto the end of the table, gathering around the host, whose duty it now isto entertain them and to keep pleasant conversation going. Fifteenminutes is an ample time for the gentlemen to smoke and chat bythemselves. Then they are expected to join the ladies in thedrawing-room. 

 SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT

Some hostesses like to provide special entertainment for theirguests--professional dancers, elocutionists, or singers. But here"circumstances must alter cases. " As a matter of fact, not very muchentertainment is really required, for if the guests are congenial, theywill no doubt enjoy conversation among themselves. It is, of course, notnecessary to limit one's conversation to the lady or gentleman with whomone's lot has been cast for the evening. However, special attentionshould be paid to that person. 

 WHEN TO LEAVE

It is only an extremely rude and discourteous guest who will leaveimmediately upon the conclusion of the dinner. The correct thing to do, when invited to a dinner that begins at eight o'clock is to order one'scar to appear at the door at ten-thirty. In most cases, however, whenthe guests are brilliant and pleasant, and when conversation holds one inspite of the desire to leave, it is customary to remain until eleveno'clock when the party will, no doubt, break up entirely. 

In these days of gay festivities and continual hospitalities, it is notunusual for a popular guest to be invited to two receptions in oneevening. Even this urgent responsibility, however, does not warrant theguest's hurrying away while the dinner is still serving--though it may bethe last stages. The courteous way is to wait until all the guests haveadjourned to the drawing-room, remain fifteen or twenty minutesconversing with one's partner or other guests, and then with a fittingapology and brief explanation, order one's car. If this is followed, thehostess cannot feel any dissatisfaction or resentment; but the guest whoinsists on rushing away, shows ill-breeding and inconsideration. 

 TAKING LEAVE

The lady, whether she be wife, sister or fiancee, is the first to expressa desire to depart. When she does, she and the gentleman will seek outthe host and hostess, thank them cordially for their hospitality, andtake their leave. Here are some accepted forms that may be used withvariations according to the guest's own personality:

"Good-night, Mrs. Carr. I must thank you for a perfectly delightfulevening. "

To which the hostess will no doubt answer something to this effect:

"We were glad to have you, I'm sure, Mrs. Roberts. "

Here is another manner in which to extend one's thanks, and how to acceptthem:

"Sorry we must start so soon, Mrs. Carr. Thank you so much for yourkindness. "

"Good-night, Mrs. Roberts. I hope to see you soon again. "

It is also very important to bid one's partner for the evening a cordialgood-night. In fact, it is a flagrant breach to leave without havingthanked one's partner--and a gentleman will never do it. A word or twois all that is necessary. 

The hostess, in taking leave of her guests, will gratefully acknowledgetheir thanks and say a word or two expressing her pleasure at theirpresence. It is not civil or courteous on the part of either host orhostess to attempt to prolong the presence of any guest after he has madeit known that he wishes to depart. 

 INVITING A STOP-GAP

If the hostess finds, almost at the last moment, that one of her guestsis unavoidably detained and will not be able to attend the dinner, shemay call upon a friend to take the vacant place. The friend thus invitedshould not feel that he or she is playing "second-fiddle" and the factthat she was not invited at first should not tempt her to refuse theinvitation which would be a serious discourtesy, indeed. Quite on thecontrary, she should accept cordially, and then do her utmost to make her(or his, as the case may be) presence at the dinner amiable and pleasant. 

The invitation is usually in the form of a hand-written note, explainingthe reason for its last-minute arrival, and frankly requesting thepresence of the lady or gentleman in the place of the one who cannotappear. The answer should be brief but sincere; there must be no hint init that the recipient is not altogether pleased with the invitation andwith the idea of dining in someone's else place. To refuse an invitationto serve as a stop-gap, without an acceptable reason for doing so is aninexcusable violation of the rules of good breeding. 

Of course, it is not always agreeable to the hostess to call on one ofher friends to attend her dinner in the place of someone else; but it iscertainly a better plan than to leave the guest out entirely, and haveone more lady than gentleman, or vice versa. If the note is cordial andfrankly sincere, a good friend will not feel any unreasonable resentment, but will, in fact, be pleased to serve. 

 SIMPLE DINNERS

The simple dinner, perfectly achieved, is as admirable a feat as theelaborate dinner, perfectly achieved. The hostess who has attained theart of giving perfect dinners, though they are small, may well be proudof her attainment. 

If the cook knows how to cook; if the maid is well trained, and correctlyattired in white cap and apron and black dress; if the table is laidaccording to the rules of dinner etiquette; if the welcome is cordial andthe company congenial--the simple dinner may rank with the mostextravagant and elaborate formal dinner. The cover may contain fewerpieces and the menu may contain fewer courses, the setting may be lessfashionable, though not less harmonious, and still the dinner may beextremely tempting and enjoyable. 

 INVITING CONGENIAL GUESTS

Perhaps it is more important to select the guests wisely at a smallinformal dinner than it is at a formal one. As there are usually onlyfour or six guests, they will undoubtedly become well acquainted by thetime the dinner is over, and in order to have agreeable conversation itis necessary that they be congenial. 

In a week or two, one generally forgets just what food was eaten at acertain dinner--but if the guests were all amiable and pleasing, thememory of conversation with them will linger and be constantly associatedwith the hostess and her home. Many a hostess would be happier (and herguests, too) if less time were paid to the planning of a menu, and moretime spent in choosing guests who will be happy together. 

 WHEN THERE ARE NO SERVANTS

There is no reason why lack of servants should prevent one fromentertaining friends and extending one's hospitality. The ideal hostessis not the one who tries to outdo her neighbor--who attempts, even thoughit is beyond her means, to give elaborate dinners that vie favorably withthose given by her neighbors. The simplest dinner has possibilities ofbeing a huge success, if it is given in the spirit of true cordiality. 

For instance, a dinner which the writer attended recently was given by ayoung woman who did not have any servants. There were six guests who allhad mutual interests and with very little help from the hostess they werenot long in finding them. 

The table was laid for eight. A silver bowl containing delicate fernsgraced the center. The lights were shaded to a soft radiance. Theentire dining-room had an atmosphere of quiet and restfulness about it. Each guest found, upon taking his place for dinner, a tall fruit glass athis cover, containing crushed grapefruit and cherries. When this firstcourse was finished, the hostess placed the glasses on a serving tableand wheeled it into the kitchen. The kitchen adjoined the dining-room, which of course facilitated matters considerably. And yet it wassufficiently separated to exclude all unpleasant signs of cooking. 

There was no confusion, no haste, no awkward pauses. Somehow, the guestsseemed to forget that maids or butlers were necessary at all. The quiet, calm poise of the hostess dominated the entire party and everyone feltcontented and at ease. 

There was a complete absence of restraint of any kind; conversationflowed smoothly and naturally, and in the enjoyment of one another'scompany, the guests were as happy and satisfied as they would probablyhave been at an elaborate formal dinner. 

A table service wagon is most useful for the woman who is her own maid. It stands at the right of the hostess and may be wheeled in and out asshe finds it necessary, though for the informal dinner it should not beessential to move it once it is in place. In the drawer should be foundone or two extra napkins and extra silver for each course in case ofaccident or emergency. The coffee service may be placed on top of thetable with the dishes for the several courses arranged on the shelves ofthe table from top to bottom in the order in which they are to be used. The table should not be too heavily loaded. It is much more useful whenthings are "easy to get at. "

If your home is small and inconvenient, if you become easily flustered, if you don't find intense pleasure in making others happy, then don'tinvite friends to dinner--and discomfort. But if you are the jolly, calm, happy sort of a hostess, who can attend to duties quickly and yetwithout confusion, if you have a cozy little home and taste enough tomake it attractive--then give dinners by all means--and your guests willnot object to their simplicity. 

 HOTEL DINNERS

With the servant problem growing more complex every year, more and morehostesses are turning to hotels to provide their special dinners. Thesecannot rival a successful dinner at home but often they are much easierto arrange and even the most conservative of hostesses may entertaindinner guests at a hotel. Private dining-rooms are a luxury but muchmore charming than the public room. The latter is, of course, the oneused by the large majority of people. 

Most hotels provide comfortable lobbies or lounges in which guests maywait for each other. But if the hotel is a big one and crowded it ispleasanter to meet elsewhere and arrive together. 

The etiquette of the hotel dining-room is that of the home dining-room. Nothing should ever be done to draw attention to the group of people whoare dining there. Quiet behavior is more than ever valuable. 

 DRESS FOR DINNER

For an informal dinner a woman may wear a semi-evening dress of the sortsuitable for afternoon while her partner wears the regular dinner jacket. For a formal affair formal decollete dress with the hair arrangedsomewhat more elaborately than usual is required. Jewels may be worn. Gloves are always removed, never at a dinner should they be tucked in atthe wrists. Men, of course, wear full evening dress to a formal dinner. 

In hotels and other public dining-rooms there is more freedom of choiceas to what one shall wear but it is in bad taste to attire oneselfconspicuously. A woman dining alone should always wear her hat into thedining-room even if she is a guest of the hotel. 

It is amazing how much the little niceties of life have to do with makinga dinner pleasant, and in every home the family should "dress for dinner"even though this may not mean donning regulation evening dress. Formalor informal, in the intimacy of the family circle or in a large group offriends the meal should be unhurried and calm. 

 CHAPTER III

 LUNCHEONS

 PURPOSE OF THE LUNCHEON

In England, and especially in London, the luncheon is held in quite ashigh esteem as our most formal dinners. For it is at the luncheon, inEngland, that distinguished men and women meet to discuss the importanttopics of the moment and exchange opinions. It is indeed easy tounderstand why this would be a delightful meal, for there is none of therestraint and formality of the late dinner. But in America, perhapsbecause most all of our gentlemen are at business "down-town" during theday, perhaps because we disdain to ape England's customs, the luncheonhas not yet reached the point where it rivals the formal dinner. And yetit holds rather an important place all its own. 

The "place" is distinctly feminine. The ladies of America have taken theluncheon in hand and developed it into a splendid midday entertainmentand means of hospitality. The gentlemen are of course welcome; but theyare rarely present. It is usually among themselves that the ladiescelebrate the ceremony of the luncheon--both formal and informal--andthat it has survived, and is tending to become permanently popular, issufficient proof of its success. It is often preceded or followed bycards or other simple entertainment. 

 INFORMAL LUNCHEONS

Invitations may be sent only a few days before the day set for theluncheon, and are usually written in the first person instead of thethird which is the convention for more elaborate functions. The hour ofluncheon is stated, but need not be as rigidly followed as the dinnerhour. If guests are reasonably late they may be excused, but the latedinner guest is correctly considered discourteous. Lord Houghton, famousin England's social history, used to word his invitations simply "Comeand lunch with me to-morrow" or "Will you lunch with me Tuesday?" Herarely mentioned the hour. Incidentally, Lord Houghton's unceremoniousluncheons earned for him widespread comment, and they had much to do withthe ultimate popularity of the informal luncheon in England. 

The informal luncheon lost none of its easy congeniality in travelingacross the ocean. There is a certain friendliness that distinguishesthis meal from all others. Sometimes, in fact, the hostess dispenseswith the ceremony of service altogether, and her guests help themselvesfrom the buffet or side-table. If such is the case, the luncheonconsists of cold meats, ham, tongue, roast beef, etc. ; salads, winejellies, fruits, cakes, bonbons and coffee. The most usual way, however, is to serve a more substantial luncheon, retaining just that degree ofdinner formality that is so gratifying to the social sense. 

 ABOUT THE TABLE

Often the informal luncheon is served on the bare table, making use ofnumerous lace or linen doilies instead of the usual table-cloth. (Thisdoes not hold true of the formal luncheon and may not be true even of theinformal one. )

The menu must be appropriate to the season. Tea or coffee are neverserved in the drawing-room after the in formal luncheon. If at all, theyare served right at the table at the conclusion of the meal. 

The informal luncheon guest never remains long after the luncheon unlessthe hostess has provided special amusement. If the luncheon lasts anhour the guests may sit around and chat with the hostess for about a halfhour; but they must remember that she may have afternoon engagements, andit would be exceedingly inconsiderate and rude on their part to delayher. 

 THE FORMAL LUNCHEON

The formal luncheon is very much like the formal dinner, except that itis not so substantial as to menu. The table is laid the same, exceptthat linen doilies are used in preference to table-cloths. The latterare in good form, however, and it is merely a matter of taste in thefinal selection. Then too, there is never any artificial light at aluncheon, whether it be simple or elaborate. 

The formal luncheon usually opens with a first course of fruit--grapefruit, ordinarily, but sometimes chilled pineapple or fruitcocktails. When the fruit glasses are removed, bouillon in two-handledcups is served. Some-times a course of fish follows, but it is reallynot essential to the luncheon and most hostesses prefer to omit it. Anentree is next served--chicken, mushrooms, sweetbreads or beef accordingto the taste and judgment of the hostess; and usually a vegetableaccompanies it. 

A light salad, prepared with a regard for harmony with the rest of themenu, is always acceptable at the luncheon. Desserts may be the same asthose served for dinner, jellies, frozen puddings, ice-cream, tarts, nuts, etc. It is not customary to retire to the drawing-room for coffee;it is good form to have it served at the table. If the weather istempting, and if the hostess is so inclined, coffee may be served on theporch. However, these lesser details must be decided by personal tasteand convenience. 

It may be taken for granted that the hostess would not give a formalluncheon if she had afternoon engagements. For that reason, the guestsmay stay later than they would at an informal luncheon. Sometimes musicis provided, and often there are recitations and dramatic readings. Usually the hour set for a ceremonious luncheon is one-thirty o'clock; itis safe to say, then, that three o'clock or half-past three is ample timeto take one's departure. 

 THE TABLE FOR THE FORMAL LUNCHEON

The appointments of the formal luncheon table are, as was pointed outabove, almost identical with those of the dinner table. 

In the first place, butter may be served with the formal luncheon andrarely with dinner. Thus we find tiny but ter dishes added at the leftof each luncheon cover. These plates are usually decorative, andsometimes are made large enough to contain both the bread and butter, instead of just the butter alone, Another difference, thoughslight. -cut-glass platters for nuts and bonbons take the place of thesilver platters of dinner. 

Candles are not used; nor is any other artificial light whenever it canbe avoided. 

The formal luncheon offers an ideal time for the hostess to display herfinest china, her best silver. It is an occasion when dignity and beautycombine with easy friendliness to make the event memorable, and the wisehostess spares no effort in adding those little touches that go so fartowards making any entertainment a success. Menu cards and favors, ofcourse, are "touches" that belong to the dinner table alone; but flowers, service and general setting of the dining-room are details that deserveconsiderable attention and thought. 

 HOSTESS AND GUEST

The primary requisite of a successful luncheon is harmonious andagreeable relationship between hostess and guests. This holds true bothof the formal and informal luncheons, though particularly of the former. One cannot possibly enjoy a luncheon-no matter how carefully the menuhas been prepared, no matter how delightful the environment--if there areawkward lapses in the conversation; if there are moments of painful, embarrassing silence; or if the conversation is stilted, affected orforced. 

Spontaneity of conversation and ease of manner, together with a hostesswho knows how to plan delightful little surprises, and simple thoughdelicious menus, -these are the secrets of successful luncheon-giving. And if they cannot be observed, the hostess had better direct herenergies toward strictly formal entertainments; the luncheon is not oneof her accomplishments. 

The hostess receives in her drawing-room. She rises as each guest entersthe room, greets her, or him, as the case may be, with outstretched hand, and proceeds with any necessary introductions. As soon as all theguests have arrived, she orders luncheon served, and she herself leadsthe way to the dining-room. The guests may seat themselves in the mannerthat is most congenial; but in arranging the formal luncheon, the hostessusually identifies the correct seat with a small place card. If there isa guest of honor, or a lady whom the hostess wishes to show deference to, she is given the place to the right of the hostess. 

If there are gentlemen at the formal luncheon, including the hostess'husband, they do not remain at the table to smoke and chat as they doafter dinner, but leave the dining-room with the ladies. Neither do theyoffer the ladies their arms when entering or leaving the diningroom. Ifthe host is considerate, and is fortunate enough to have a porch, shewill suggest that the gentlemen have their cigars on the porch. 

A well-bred guest will never take advantage of the leniency towardlate-comers to the luncheon. It is /always/ rude to keep people waiting;but it is doubly so to be lax in one's punctuality because one rule isnot as exacting as another. The guest must also bear in mind that agreat part of the enjoyment of the luncheon devolves upon his or her owncordiality and friendliness. Every guest must feel it a duty to supplysome of the conversation, and if he is not naturally conversant, it mightbe wise to decide upon and remember several interesting little anecdotesthat the company will enjoy hearing. No one can be excused from silenceor lack of interest at the luncheon. 

To the hostess, then, goes the responsibility of providing the means ofenjoyment; to the guests goes the responsibility of utilizing this means, and cooperating with the hostess in making the entire thing a success. There are huge social possibilities in the luncheon, and it is rapidlybecoming one of America's favorite functions. With both hostess andguest observing their duties, it must inevitably be a triumph that willvie with the important dignity of the formal dinner itself. 

 FORMAL AND INFORMAL BREAKFASTS

Breakfast to some people may mean a hastily swallowed cup of tea orcoffee, and a bit of roll or cake. The early breakfast, of course. Butto many there is a later breakfast that is as elaborate as it istempting. 

The formal breakfast may be held any time between ten and twelve-thirty. A fruit course opens the menu, with a mild hors d'oeuvre following. Soupis never served. After the fruit, fish, broiled or saute is served, andsometimes deviled lobster if it is preferred. In England, steamed finnanhaddie is the favorite breakfast fish. 

The personal tastes of the guests must be taken into consideration indeciding upon the main course. Lamb or veal chops are acceptable, andegg dishes are always welcomed. They may be accompanied by mushrooms, small French peas or potatoes. For the next course, chicken meets withfavor especially if it is broiled or fried with rice. Dessert of frozenpunch, pastry or jellies follows immediately after the chicken; andcoffee, in breakfast cups, concludes the meal. And of course, the hotmuffins and crisp biscuits of breakfast fame are not forgotten-nor thewaffles and syrup, either, if one is partial to them. 

For an informal breakfast, the menu is correspondingly less elaborate. Once again it begins with fruit, and it may be followed by the goodold-fashioned course of ham or bacon and eggs with johnny-cake andpotatoes; or the simple breakfast may be started with cereal, served withcream, and followed with broiled finnan haddie and baked potatoes. Eggs, quail or chops, and a crisp salad is another menu often adapted to thelate informal breakfast. Desserts should be simple; sweets are seldomindulged in at breakfast. Buns with marmalade or honey are alwaysacceptable, and frozen puddings seem to be a just-right finish to adelicious breakfast. 

The informal breakfast is given at ten or eleven o'clock in the morning. It is never very elaborate; it is, in fact, one of the simplest, yet mostdignified of informal meals. 

 DRESS FOR LUNCHEONS AND BREAKFASTS

Whether she is hostess or guest the woman at a breakfast or luncheonshould wear an afternoon gown of silk, crepe-de-chine, velvet, cloth ornovelty material. In the summer preference may be given organdies, georgettes, etc. The simpler the affair the simpler the costume shouldbe. 

Men may wear the cutaway coat if the luncheon is a formal one while forsimpler affairs the sack coat or summer flannels, when the season isappropriate, may be worn. 

 CHAPTER IV

 TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS

 EVOLUTION OF THE AFTERNOON TEA

Of course one cannot mention the words "afternoon tea" withoutimmediately associating it with merry England. For it was there that, over two hundred years ago, a dreamy-eyed Dutchman (dreamy-eyed becausehe had lived many years in China) brought with him from the Orient apeculiar little leaf which, with a little hot water and sugar, made adelicious drink. At first lordly Englishmen would have none of him--buthe didn't care. He exhibited the powers of the little leaves, made histea, and drank it with evident relish. Others were curious; they, too, drank, and once they started it was difficult to do without it. 

Someone spread the rumor that this new drink from China contained drugsand stimulants--and no sooner was this rumor spread than everyone begandrinking it! Even the ladies and gentlemen of better society finallycondescended to taste "the stuff"--and lo! before they realized it, ithad been unconsciously adopted as their very own beverage! Through twogenerations the idea of the afternoon tea has been perfected, untilto-day we have cosy, delightful, ceremonious five-o'clock teas that arethe pride of the English and the joy of everyone who follows the custom. 

And so we find the afternoon tea enjoying a vogue of unrivaled popularityhere in America. When a debutante daughter is to be introduced tosociety, the mother plans an elaborate afternoon tea (and they cancertainly be elaborate!) When guests from out-of-town are visiting, thehostess can think of nothing more appropriate than a chummy tea tointroduce them to her friends. So charming a way of entertaining is theafternoon tea that it has usurped the evening reception almost entirely, except when the occasion requires special formality. 

 THE SIMPLER TEA

Then, too, there is the simpler tea so dear to the hearts of ourhospitable ladies of good society. It was George Eliot who earnestlyinquired, "Reader, have you ever drunk a cup of tea?" There is somethingundeniably heart-warming and conversation-making in a cup of steaminghot tea served with delicious cream; it is an ideal prescription forbanishing loneliness. Perhaps it is not so much the tea itself, as thecircle of happy friends eager for a pleasant chat. 

As the simple tea does not require very much preparation or planning, wewill discuss it briefly here and take up only the formal tea in detail. The simple tea may be served for any guest who chances in between four orsix o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes a hostess devotes a stated timeeach day or on certain days in the week which are known to her friends, to tea, and she lets her friends know just what the hour is and that theyare welcome to join for a bite and a little chat whenever they feel soinclined. There may be one or several little tea tables which arebrought into the drawing-room when the guests are ready for tea. Covering each one is a dainty lace or linen doily, or an embroideredtea-cloth. If tea tables are not available, one large table may servethe purpose, but it also must be covered with small doilies at each coverinstead of one large table-cloth. 

The hostess and one or two of her friends may serve. The tea is made atthe table and served with very small, dainty sandwiches and all kinds ofquaintly-shaped cakes. Bonbons, salted nuts and sometimes ices are alsoserved. 

If the hostess does not own dainty tea equipage, the beverage may be madein the kitchen and brought in ready to serve, fragrant and steaming. Thecustom of the afternoon tea is confined almost wholly to women, though itis not bad form by any means to have gentlemen present for tea. 

A tea wagon offers the most attractive service for an afternoon tea. Itshould not be in the room where the hostess receives but should bewheeled in from an adjoining room (the dining-room usually). The maid, if there is one, performs this service, the hostess herself if there isno maid. The table should not be overcrowded and if there is not ampleroom for sandwich trays these should be brought in separately. 

The china should be thin and of the same general kind though notnecessarily of the same pattern. There should be sugar--preferablyblock sugar with tongs, a pitcher of cream, slices of lemon, mint leavesand cloves. If the hostess makes the tea herself she adds sugar, cream, lemon or whatever else the guest may desire before she passes the cup. The hostess who cares about her reputation for hospitality will perfectherself in the gentle art of making delicious tea before the day comesfor her to prove herself before her guests. 

 THE FORMAL TEA

When the afternoon tea becomes formal and ceremonious it takes the placeof the customary "at home. " Invitations must be sent a week or ten daysin advance, and if one is unable to attend, a polite note of explanationmust be sent. However, no answer is necessary if one intends to bepresent. 

With this more pretentious affair, the refreshments are served in thedining-room instead of in the drawing-room or outdoors as is sometimesdone at simpler teas. The hissing urn always holds the place of honor(except on very warm days when iced tea or iced coffee may be served). Trays of thinly sliced bread are on the table, and dainty sandwiches inlarge variety. Fruit salads are never amiss, and strawberries with creamare particularly delightful when in season. Then, of course, there arecakes and bonbons and ices, although the latter are usually confined towarm days. 

At a ceremonious tea, the hostess stands near the drawing-room door togreet each guest as she arrives. If her daughters receive with her, theystand to her right, and help in making any necessary introductions. Asmany guests as can be conveniently entertained may be invited to theformal tea; but the refreshments must never be so substantial that theywill interfere with dinner. In fact, the tea must be kept true to itsname, for if other eatables besides those fashionable to the tea areserved, it is a reception in substance if not in name. 

When one wishes to invite eighteen or twenty friends, and does not wishto undertake the trouble or expense of a dinner, the "high tea" is inorder. It is usually held on a Sunday evening. At these "high teas"small tables are invariably used, four guests being placed at each table. It is customary to allow the guests to form their own quartettes, for inthis manner they will usually find table companions who will becongenial--and a most unfortunate occurrence at a "high tea, " or in factany reception, is a seating arrangement untasteful to the gueststhemselves. The little tables are covered with snowy tea cloths anddecorated with a sprig of flowers in a colored vase occupying theposition of honor. 

 THE TEA-TABLE

Perhaps more important than the tea itself, is the appearance of thetea-table. The well-equipped table is adorned with fine china andgleaming silver, and there are always a few flowers to add to the beautyof the setting. Ferns may be used instead of flowers, but there must beno elaborate ribbons or decorations such as appear on the dinner-table. 

As a matter of fact, the tea-table should always present an appearance ofunpremeditated simplicity. It must never seem as though it had beenespecially prepared and planned for the occasion. Candles, dimmed withpale shades, may be on the table when the day is gloomy and dark. Inwinter, for instance, when the days are shorter, softly-glowing candlesaid considerably in the cheerful ness of the afternoon tea. Tea napkinsare used instead of those of regular dinner size. 

A pretty manner of serving sandwiches or cakes is to have them insilver-rimmed wicker baskets which can be passed easily from one guest toanother. If the tea is informal, wicker chairs and tables may also beused. This is especially pleasing and appropriate when the tea is servedon the porch or in the garden. 

 DRESS AT TEA TIME

Tea time is always the fashionable time of the day and there issufficient variety in appropriate materials and style for a woman to finda gown that is more than ordinarily individual and becoming. For aninformal tea the hostess may wear a clinging gown of silk but she shouldnot dress very sumptuously for her guests will come simply attired and itis hardly hospitable to be a great deal more elaborately dressed thanthey. Afternoon frocks of silk, velvet, cloth, etc. , or of summermaterials are suitable for the guest. When the weather demands it shewears an attractive wrap. 

In selecting dresses for teas, and, indeed for all occasions, it is wellto remember that the more ornamentation there is the less elegance therewill be. The materials should be rich but not showy--the best-dressedperson is the one who calls least attention to his or her clothes. 

One may wear jewels but not heavy necklaces or glittering brooches orother flashing stones. If the affair is a formal one the hair may be aselaborately marcelled as for the evening. In this case the gown shouldbe a rich creation of the kind suitable only for such events. 

If the tea is given for a debutante it may be a very festive occasion and/decollete/ gowns may be worn. Dark colors are rarely worn and thedebutante herself should be a fairy dream in a lovely creation of silk, georgette, crepe-de-thane, or something else equally girlish andappropriate. 

Elderly women wear black lace or satin though certain shades of brown andblue and nearly all shades of gray are irreproachably good taste if--andthis "if" is an important one--they are becoming. 

 THE GARDEN PARTY

Charming indeed is the simple entertainment of the garden party. It is anundebatable fact that informal entertainments are always more enjoyablethan those that are strictly formal, and the easy harmony of the gardenparty is certainly informal to an acceptable degree. 

Someone once said of the lawn fete (which is merely another name for agarden party) that "a green lawn, a few trees, a fine day and somethingto eat" constitute a perfect garden party. To this we add, that theguests must be carefully selected and the grounds must be attractive. 

The garden party must be held in the open air; refreshments are servedoutside and the guests remain outside until they are ready to depart. AtNewport, where garden parties are quite the vogue, the invitations aresent weeks in advance, and, if the weather is bad, the party is heldindoors. But ordinarily it must be held entirely on the grounds. Alarge porch is a great advantage, for if there is a sudden downpour ofrain, the guests may repair to its shelter. 

There are many opportunities for the hostess to show consideration andhospitality at the garden party. Easy chairs arranged in groups orcouples under spreading trees always make for comfort. Some hostesseshave a tent provided on the lawn for the purpose of serving therefreshments--a custom which earns the approbation of fastidious guestswho search the food for imaginary specks of dust when it is served in theopen. 

 RECEIVING THE GUESTS

Invitations to garden parties may be sent ten days to two weeks inadvance, and a prompt reply of acceptance or regret is expected. Thehostess receives on the lawn--never in the house. The guests, however, drive up to the door of the house, are directed upstairs to deposit theirwraps (if they wish they may keep them with them), and then are shown tothe part of the grounds where the hostess is receiving. A servant shouldbe in attendance to see that each guest is properly directed, unless thegrounds where the hostess is receiving are visible from the house. 

After being greeted by the hostess, guests may wander about the grounds, stopping to chat with different groups, and seeking the refreshment tablewhen they are weary. The hostess must be sure that her lawns arefaultlessly mowed, and that the tennis courts are in order. Lawn tennishas had a large share in the making of the garden party's popularity, andthe wise hostess will always be sure that her courts are in readiness forthose who enjoy the game. 

Cold refreshments are usually served at the garden party. Salads, ham andtongue sandwiches, fruits, jellies, ices, cakes, candies and punch are inorder. Particular care must be taken in serving the refreshments toavoid any accidents or mussiness. There is nothing more disturbing toboth hostess and guest than to have a glass of punch or a dish ofstrawberries overturned on a lawn, and pains should be taken to avoidaccidents of this kind. 

 ON THE LAWN

Music is a pleasing feature at the garden party. A pretty custom, nowenjoying vogue among the most fashionable, is to have the orchestrahidden by a clump of trees or shrubbery, but near enough to be hearddistinctly. In the outdoors music is never too loud to interfere withconversation, and it is always a source of keen enjoyment to the guests. Also, it adds a solemn charm to the natural beauties of the occasion. 

In planning a garden party, it is best to hire all the glass, silver andchina from the caterer, as there is always considerable breakage nomatter how careful the servants may be. If the hostess does use her ownchina and glassware, she must never use her best unless she is willing totake the risk of having it broken. Undoubtedly, the garden party istroublesome, but it offers possibilities of tremendous enjoyment andamusement, and when properly arranged is always a success. 

The correct time for a garden party is between three and six in theafternoon. Sometimes it lasts until seven if the day is long and theguests are congenial. It rarely lasts into the evening, however, unlessit is in celebration of some special event. Sometimes evening lawnreceptions are held, and they are remarkably pretty. An appropriate timeto hold an evening garden party is in celebration of a summer weddinganniversary. The grounds are brilliantly lighted with many-hued Japaneselanterns or tiny colored electric lights twining in and out among thetrees. Benches and chairs are set in groups or pairs underneath thetrees. Music is usually or the porch instead of on the grounds. Thehouse is open, and the younger guests may dance if they wish. Supper isserved either outdoors or indoors as convenient. Altogether the gardenparty, whether held in the afternoon or evening, is a picturesque, charming and delightful affair and deserves the wide popularity it isenjoying both in America and England. 

 DRESS FOR GARDEN PARTIES AND LAWN FESTIVALS

Summer frocks, in their airy flimsiness and gay colors are ideally fittedfor the colorful background of a garden or lawn party. And the lady'sescort, in his white trousers and dark sack coat adds still further anote of festivity. 

For the garden party, the woman wears her prettiest light-colored frockand flower-trimmed hat. Gay parasols may be carried if they match, orharmonize with, the rest of the costume. Light shoes are more attractivethan dark ones with light frocks. 

A garden party night be compared with a drama, the costumes of the guestsdeciding whether or not it would be termed pure romance or light comedy. Here, amidst summer flowers, woman's natural beauty is heightened, andthe wrong color schemes in dress, the wrong costumes for the setting, jaras badly as a streak of black paint across the hazy canvas of a landscapepainting by an impressionist. 

 WOMAN'S GARDEN COSTUME

Organdie seems to be the material best suited for the garden-partyfrock. For the younger person there could be no prettier frock forgarden or lawn party, or indeed for any outdoor afternoon occasion. 

For the older woman, a dress of dotted Swiss, pierette crepe, or Frenchlawn is becoming. The color should be light and attractive, but thestyle may be as simple as one pleases. Lilac is a pretty color for theolder woman, and sunset yellow is becoming both to age and youth alike, when it is appropriately combined with some more somber shade. 

There are several color combinations that are very beautiful in lawn andgarden settings. We will mention them here, as they might be valuable inselecting frocks for such occasions as mentioned. Violet and orange, both pale and not vivid, offer a delicate harmony of color that isnothing short of exquisite. Old rose and Nile green are equallyeffective. Orchid, for the person whose complexion can bear it, may becombined with such vivid colors as red, green and blue, presenting acontrast so strong and clear and beautiful that it reminds one of aglorious sunset. Black satin, for the elderly person, is quite festiveenough for the garden party when it is combined with a pretty shade ofhenna or old blue or some other bit of color. 

Styles may be simple, but colors must always be gay and rich as thecolors from Nature's own palette. And the hat that is broad-brimmed andmassed with bright flowers, is a fitting complement for such a costume. 

 THE MAN AT THE GARDEN PARTY

Of course the decorative art of dress has for a long time been entrustedwholly into the hands of woman, but man may be just as attractive onfestive occasions, if he follows the rules of correct dress. For himthere is less color to be considered, but just as much effect. 

The younger man is well-dressed for the garden party when he wears a suitof white flannel or serge with colored or white linen, a bright tie, straw or panama hat, and oxfords of white or black, or a combination ofwhite and black. Loose jackets of black and white striped flannel mayalso be worn with white duck trousers, if one is young. Then there arethe attractive light suits of gray twillett that are so effective whenworn with a white waistcoat and bright tie. 

For the older man, a jacket of black and white homespun is extremelyappropriate. It is smart when worn with a waistcoat of white flannel, white shirt and collar and gayly figured tie of silk foulard. Trousersof white flannel would complete this excellent costume for the elderlyman, and with a panama hat that boasts a black band, and black-and-whiteoxfords he is ready for the most exclusive garden or lawn party. 

 HOUSE PARTIES

No one should attempt a house party whose home is not comfortably largeenough and who is not able to provide every convenience for the guests. One need not necessarily be a millionaire to hold a successful houseparty, but it is certainly necessary to have a spacious home andsufficient means to make things pleasant for the guests every minute ofthe time that they are in the house. 

While the success of a house party rests directly on the host andhostess, it also depends largely upon the guests themselves. They areexpected to contribute to the entertainment. They may be goodconversationalists, or witty humorists, or clever in arranging surprises. A man or woman who is jolly, eager to please is always invited to houseparties and welcomed by both hostess and guests with equal pleasure andcordiality. 

 SENDING THE INVITATION

The invitations to house parties are important. While it iscomplimentary for a guest to be invited to "spend a few days with me nextweek" he or she will undoubtedly be ill at east during the visit andfearful of encroaching upon the hospitality of the hostess. It is alwaysmore considerate and better form to state the definite duration of thevisit, for instance, mentioning that a train leaves the guest's town ateleven-thirty on a certain day, and that another train leaves for thatsame guest's town, at a certain hour on the day he is to leave. Thusgives the guest clearly, and without discourtesy, the precise time he isexpected to remain at the home of the hostess, and he may remain the fulltime without any vague pre monitions of undesired presence. If thehostess did not state the time of arrival and departure the guest shouldin her acceptance give suggestive dates leaving them subject to change atthe discretion of the hostess. Any other plan is embarrassing to bothhostess and guest since neither can make plans for the future until shefinds out what the other intends to do. 

The usual duration of house party visits are three days--often they lastfor a week end--although some continue a week or even longer. The ladyof the house usually writes a note in the name of her husband and herselfboth, inviting Mr. And Mrs. Blank to her house for three days or threemonths as she (the hostess) pleases. A clear explanation as to how toreach the house is given, and also the necessary information regardingtrains and schedules. 

These invitations must be answered promptly and if for any reason theinvited one cannot attend, the reason should be given. If there is anydoubt as to how to get to the house of the hostess; questions may beasked in the answer to the invitation, and the hostess must answer themat once. 

 WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE

If the hostess cannot be present to receive her guests, the duty devolvesupon the daughter of the house or an intimate friend. As soon as a guestarrives he is shown to his room for after the long railroad trip one isusually dusty, tired and not in the mood for conversation orpleasantries. A bath, a nap, and a cup of coffee or tea, or, if theweather is warm, an iced drink are most welcome. 

The taxi fare from the station may be paid by either hostess or guest. The former may consider that the other is her guest from the moment shearrives and the latter may include this item in her traveling expenses. Generally speaking, the hostess bears all of the expenses of the guestwhile she is in her home but special services such as laundry work, pressing, etc. , may be paid for by the guest herself. 

It is bad form to invite numerous friends and then to crowd them two in aroom to make a place for all. Of course a mother and daughter may beasked to share the same room if individual beds are provided; but twowomen, meeting at the house party for the first time, cannot be expectedgraciously to accept and enjoy sharing the same bed and room together. 

The furnishing of the guest chamber may be modest, but it must always beneat and comfortable. To make the visit a pleasant one, the room thatthe guest will occupy during his stay must be one that invitesmemory--one that by its very cheerfulness and comfort remains fondly inone's memory. The personal tastes of the guests themselves should beascertained in assigning rooms to them; some may like a sunny room, others may not be able to endure it; and the considerate hostess will soarrange that each one of her guests is pleased. 

There are numerous little services that the hostess must make sure areprovided for her visiting guests. Scissors, thread and needles should bein one of the dressing-table drawers; stationery, pens, ink, and acalendar should be in the writing-desk. Books, chosen especially forthe occupant, should be scattered about. The thoughtful hostess willmake a round of the rooms before the arrival of the guests and make surethat every detail is attended to. Fresh flowers should be placed in thevases. 

It is the duty of the guest to see that her room is kept in order. Ifthere is no maid she should attend to it herself and in any case sheshould keep her own things in place and watch carefully to see that theroom is at all times exquisitely neat. 

 ENTERTAINING AT THE HOUSE PARTY

At eight o'clock, or a little later if it is more convenient, all theguests meet in evening dress at dinner. It is then that the necessaryintroductions are made and the guest of honor, if there is one, ispresented. Plans may be made for the next day or two, the hostessoffering suggestions and deferring to the wishes of her guests when theyhave attractive plans to submit. The hostess also informs the guests atwhat time breakfast and luncheon is served. It is not obligatory forevery guest to be present at luncheon, but it is strictly so at dinner. 

The considerate hostess, while endeavoring to fill every moment of herguests' stay with her, with pleasure and happiness, does not overdo it tothe extent that they will have no time for writing their correspondence, reading a bit, or taking their customary nap. Unfortunately many of ourhostesses who entertain lavishly at house parties and spare no expense oreffort in making the party a brilliant success, spoil it all by trying tocrowd too much entertainment into the day, forgetting that their guestsneed a little time to themselves. 

In planning entertainments for the morning, the hostess must rememberthat breakfast will be preferred late, and that the women guests, especially, may prefer to forego breakfast entirely and keep to theirrooms until just before luncheon. Thus it is always best to start anyentertainment in the afternoon. Long drives through the country, tennis, hockey, golf, card parties--all these are appropriate for the afternoon. 

The evening is usually devoted to some special entertainment preparedsufficiently in advance to render it an important occurrence. A danceafter dinner, a fancy dress ball, or private theatricals are suitable;and often long moonlight drives, ending with a jolly little picnic, areplanned with great success. 

 HOSTESS AND GUESTS AT THE HOUSE PARTY

The first duty of the hostess is personally to meet or have her husbandmeet the guests as they arrive at the railroad station. It is better formto have him meet them while she remains at home to receive them. 

There are several important rules that the guest must observe. In thefirst place, he must not fail to arrive and depart at the exact timesignified in the invitation. If a train is missed, the correct thing todo is wire immediately so that the host and hostess will not be awaitingthe arrival in vain. Another important rule for the guest is rigidly tofollow and adhere to the laws and the customs of the house: thus ifsmoking is not allowed in the bedrooms, the gentlemen must be sure torefrain from so doing and each guest should adapt his hours to those ofthe host and hostess. 

One of the most difficult of guests to entertain is one who is peculiarabout his eating. It is an awkward situation and the guest if he canshould eat what is set before him. If this is impossible he may speakquietly with his hostess, explain the situation and make specialarrangements for food that he can eat. This is excusable if he is on adiet prescribed by a physician but not if he is simply expressing afastidious preference. So many people are vegetarians nowadays that thehostess will make provision for them and she should in planning her menusconsult the individual tastes of the guests who are under her roof. 

Perhaps a guest is unwisely invited to a house-party where someone he orshe particularly dislikes is also a guest. In this case it is a mark ofextreme discourtesy to complain to the host or hostess, or in any way toshow disrespect or dislike towards the other guest. To purposely ignorehim or her, obviously to show one's prejudice, is very rude. It is mostdisconcerting to the host for either of them to show discontent or toleave the house party because of the unwelcome presence of the other. Itis best for them to be formally courteous to each other and not in anyway to interfere with the enjoyment of the other members of the houseparty or of the host and hostess who are responsible for it. 

To return to the hostess, she has two very important duties--not toneglect her guests, but to provide them with ample amusement andentertainment, and again, not to weary them by too much attention. Shemay go out during the day if she pleases, either to visit friends or todo shopping, but she must always be at home for dinner. And she must notgo out so often that the guests will begin to feel slighted. 

The good-natured and hospitable host and hostess will put at the disposalof their guests their entire house and grounds, including their books, horses, cars, tennis courts and golf links. The duty of the guest is toavail himself of these privileges with delicacy, neither abusing them norhesitating to use them at all. There are some guests who have a tact ofperception, an ease and poise of manner, a savoir faire and calm, kinddisposition that makes them welcome everywhere. They are never petty, never disagreeable, never quarrelsome, never grouchy. It is a pleasureto include them in the house party--and they are invariably included. 

 "TIPPING" THE SERVANTS

The question of feeing or "tipping" the servants has always been apuzzling one. It may be of advantage here to give an approximate idea ofwhat the fees should be and to whom they should be given. Attendingcircumstances, of course, always govern the exact conditions. Very oftenguests, both men and women, unable to estimate correctly what amount isbefitting the servants' services, tip lavishly and without any regard forservices. This borders on the ostentatious, and hence, may be consideredvulgar. 

Here are the recognized tips expected of a single woman: for the maid whokeeps her room in order, one dollar or a dollar and a half. (Thesefigures are based on a period of a week's stay). If this maid has alsohelped the guest in her dressing, and preparing the bath for her, two ortwo and a half dollars are the customary fee. A tip of from one to twodollars must be given to the maid who waits on the guest at the table, and if a chauffeur takes her from and to the station, a dollar is hisusual fee. 

A bachelor is expected to be somewhat more generous with his tips. Theboy who cleans and polishes his boots and shoes receives a fee of fiftyor seventy-five cents. 

When a married couple is visiting, they usually divide the tips betweenthem. The wife gives the maid a dollar or a dollar and a half, and thehusband tips the men servants. The butler should receive two dollars atleast, and if he has rendered many special services both to the man andhis wife, he should undoubtedly receive two or three dollars more. Onsome occasions the cook is remembered, and the gentleman sends her adollar or two in recognition of her culinary art. It must be remembered, however, that there are no established rules of tipping, and no precedentto go by. One must be guided by the extent of his income and by theservices rendered. 

One more word in closing this chapter. Not everyone can afford to giveelaborate house parties. But this need not interfere with one'shospitality. The host or hostess who is discouraged from offeringfriends simple entertainment because of someone's else magnificentparties, should cease being discouraged and take pride and pleasure inthe knowledge that they are entertaining their friends as hospitably asthey can. To do a thing simply and sincerely is infinitely finer than todo a thing extravagantly merely for the sake of ostentation and display. 

In homes where there are no servants the guests should take part in thework around the house unless the hostess shows distinctly that sheprefers for them not to do it. After the visit the guest may send somelittle gift in appreciation of the hospitality enjoyed. A bit ofhousehold linen, a book, flowers, or candy are most appropriate. This isone case where an unsuitable gift is inexcusable for ample opportunityhas been given the donor to study the needs and desires of the hostess. 

Within ten days after her departure the guest should write abread-and-butter letter to her hostess. This is simply a gratefulexpression of appreciation for the hospitality which she enjoyed duringher visit. Great care should be taken to avoid stilted forms. 

 CHAPTER V

 WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS

 WHEN THE BACHELOR IS HOST

Until very recently, the bachelor was rarely a host, was rarely expectedto entertain. In fact, some people considered it unconventional toattend a bachelor entertainment. But with the tremendous increase ofbachelor apartments and bachelor hotels and even bachelor clubs, it isnow quite the usual custom for him to entertain friends at dinnerparties, theater parties, teas and in almost any other way which strikeshis fancy. 

However, no bachelor should invite guests to his home unless he has afull retinue of servants to care for their wants. There should be noconfusion, no awkwardness. If he is a professional man--an artist, author or musician--he may entertain guests at his studio withoutservants, except perhaps one to attend to the buffet supper which is mostusual at such functions. But that is the only exception; a largeentertainment in a bachelor's establishment requires as carefulpreparation as a fashionable social function in a well-regulatedhousehold. 

When an unmarried man gives house parties, dinners or entertainments ofany kind whatever, he always asks a married woman of his acquaintance toact as chaperon. She should be the first person invited, and the usualmethod of invitation is a personal call at her home. 

 WELCOMING THE GUESTS

The host receives his guests at the door, welcoming each one withoutstretched hand, and introducing immediately to the chaperon orchaperons those guests whom they do not already know. When the receptionis a particularly large one, a man servant usually awaits the guests atthe door and the host receives in the drawing-room. 

The question has arisen on various occasions, whether or not the bacheloris expected to provide dressing-rooms for his guests. If as many asthirty or forty are expected the bed-rooms may be made to serve thepurpose of dressing-rooms for the evening. The matter is one entirelydependent upon circumstances and convenience when the entertainment isheld in the home of the bachelor himself; but when a large entertainmentis given in a hall, dressing-rooms are of course essential. 

Very often, when the reception is held in the bachelor's own apartments, where there is only one servant, the chaperon is asked to pour the teawhile the host himself serves it. This is a very pretty custom; itcertainly lends dignity and impressiveness to the bachelor entertainmentto see a charming, matron at the head of the table. And having thebachelor himself serve the refreshments, a certain companionship andfriendliness is created among the guests. 

 THE BACHELOR's DINNER

Although he is not expected to retaliate in the matter of invitations todinners and luncheons, the bachelor often gives dinner parties. For thehost is no less eager to entertain than the hostess, and many unmarriedmen find keen pleasure in gathering their friends about them for apleasant evening. 

In detail, the bachelor's dinner, formal or informal, is very much likethe ordinary dinner. The same holds true of the luncheon or supperparty. The menu may be identical, if he pleases; but often an elaborateChinese, French or Italian menu is decided upon as a novelty. 

If the guests are all gentlemen, one butler may attend to all theirwants, including the serving of the courses. But if there are ladies inthe party, the chaperon must be present, and perhaps one or twowhite-capped maids to serve the dinner. 

If the dinner is given in honor of a lady, her seat is always at theright of the host at the table. If there is no guest of honor, thisplace is filled by the matron who is serving as chaperon. 

It is she who makes the first move to leave the dining-room. 

The host must extend cordial thanks to the chaperon when she is ready todepart. It is usually upon her good judgment and influence that thesuccess of the dinner depends, and surely the host owes her a debt ofgratitude if everything has run smoothly and pleasantly. He also bidshis guests a cordial adieu and graciously accepts their thanks for apleasant evening. 

Music is often provided for the entertainment of the guests after adinner-party. It is not unusual for the host to obtain the services ofwell-known professional singers and players for the evening. 

 TEA AT A BACHELOR APARTMENT

The bachelor who feels that he must be hospitable to his friends andentertain them at his home, may safely choose the afternoon tea withoutapprehension as it is the simplest of entertainments. Of course achaperon is necessary, as she is at all his entertainments; but there isless restraint and less formality at a tea than at almost any othersocial function. 

Invitations should be issued a week or ten days before the day set forthe tea. Guests may include both sexes; but if there are only gentlemen, they may be invited verbally. The tea is served in the dining-room, orif he wishes, the host may have small tea tables laid out in thedrawing-room. A silver tea service is always attractive and pleasing, and the host may pour the beverage if the guests are all gentlemen. Ifladies are present, either the chaperon may pour, or a servant. Refreshments should consist of delicate sandwiches, assorted cakes andwafers, salted almonds, confections and tea. If there are some among theguests who do not drink tea, chocolate may be served. 

As they depart the bachelor host accompanies each one of his guests tothe door bidding him or her a cordial goodby. The chaperon must beespecially thanked for her service and shown particular deference. Indeed, her host should accompany her after the reception, to her owndoor if she is without car or escort. 

 THE BACHELOR DANCE

Wealthy bachelors find pleasure and diversion in giving huge balls anddances. Dinner or a midnight supper may be a delightful adjunct to thedance. A fashionable ball of this kind is sometimes given for theimportant purpose of introducing a young sister or another relative tosociety. 

The ball is rarely, if ever, held in the bachelor's own apartments. Hehires a hall for the occasion, and arranges with several of his marriedfriends to act as chaperons. They also receive with him and help himintroduce the guests. As these arrive, they divest themselves of theirwraps, in the dressing-rooms provided for the purpose, and then arereceived in the ballroom by the host and the chaperons. Introductionsare made, and the music and dancing begins. 

There are not very many bachelors who can entertain in this lavishfashion; but the simpler entertainments, if they have the correct spiritof cordial hospitality, go a long way in establishing the desiredrelationship between the host and his friends. After all, it is thelittle things that count; and little courtesies may fittingly repayelaborate ceremonials and fashionable functions, if they are offered insincere friendliness and warmth. 

 THEATER PARTIES

Always a favorite with the bachelor, the theater party has recentlybecome his main forte. First in importance, of course, is the selectionof a play, a matter which is largely determined by the kinds of visitorsthe host intends to invite. There is nothing more disturbing than toinvite one's friends to a play, and then to feel that they have notenjoyed it. In selecting something light and amusing, or else theperformance of some celebrated star, the host is comparatively sure ofpleasing most of his guests. 

Another important point is to bring together only congenial people forthe theater party. One person out of harmony with the rest will spoilthe whole evening as certainly as a sudden summer shower spoils the mostelaborately planned garden party. It is important to select only thosepeople whose tastes and temperaments blend. 

Invitations are informal. A brief, cordial note handwritten on personalstationery is preferred, although some men like to use their clubstationery. The name of the play may be mentioned in the invitation. Animmediate response is expected, as the host must be given sufficient timeto choose another guest, if for some reason, the one invited cannotattend. Men and women may be invited to the theater party, and if thereare married couples in the party, a chaperon is not particularlynecessary. 

 YACHTING PARTIES

When a bachelor invites several men and women friends to dine on hisyacht, or to take a short cruise, it is absolutely bad form to omit thechaperon. She must be a married woman, and she may join the party withor without her husband. Another important point regarding yachtingparties; the host must supply a gig or rowboat to carry his guests to andfrom the shore, and he must stand on the gangway to greet each one as hearrives, and assist him to the deck of the yacht. 

In giving entertainments, the bachelor must remember at no special socialobligations are expected of him. He need not be lavish in his dinnersand parties, unless he wishes to and can afford it. Simpleentertainments, given the spirit of good fellowship and hospitality, arealways appreciated and tend to substantially strengthen friendships. 

 CHAPTER VI

 MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS

 PREPARATIONS FOR THE MUSICALE

The only time that music is not subordinated to other purposes of theevening's gathering, is at the musicale. Here it is the soleentertainment of the evening, and it reigns supreme. 

In preparing for a musicale, invitations should be engraved and issued atleast ten days in advance of the time chosen for the occasion. Ininviting her guests, the hostess must be sure that she includes onlythose among her friends and acquaintances who understand and appreciategood music, and who enjoy it for itself alone. It is not wise to includepeople who are not fond of music (if there really are any such people!)for they are likely to be bored, and instead of listening quietly to theselections, talk and fidget and so disturb the other guests who areanxious to give their undivided attention to the musicians. 

The invitations to a musicale require prompt answers. The third personshould be used in both invitations and answers, as the occasion isstrictly a formal one. 

The drawing-room, in which the musicale is ordinarily held, should bebare of all unnecessary furniture save the piano, chairs for theperformers, and seats for the guests. Programs may be printedsufficiently in advance to distribute at the musicale; they always serveas appropriate mementos. 

 THE AFTERNOON MUSICALE

The usual time for the afternoon musicale is from four to six. It isconsiderably less formal than a similar affair in the evening, althoughstill requiring strictly formal third-person etiquette in invitations andreplies. 

It is usual, in issuing invitations for musicales, whether held inafternoon or evening, to have the word "Music" engraved in the lowerleft-hand corner. If a famous musician is to play his name may appear onthe invitation. 

The musical selections include various numbers to suit the tastes of thehostess, and those of her guests if she happens to know what they are. Sometimes there are vocal selections in addition to the instrumentalselections. All professional singers and players are paid for theirservices, unless they themselves offer them free. It is very bad formindeed, to invite a singer or player as a guest, and then expect him togive his services. And yet it is done so often, by hostesses who thinkthat they are following the dictates of etiquette to the highest letterof its law! If the performers are friends of the hostess she shouldpresent each one with a gift of some sort as an expression of hergratitude for their services. 

The lighter music should always be played first, retaining the importantnumbers for the end. Many hostesses, when they have a famousprofessional for the afternoon's entertainment, start the musicale withsinging or playing by unimportant persons, and end it with theperformance of the celebrated professional. It is always pleasing to theguests--and also the professional himself. 

The hostess, in receiving her guests, stands in the drawing-room andgreets each one as he or she arrives. When the music begins, she seatsherself near the door, and whenever a tardy guest arrives, sees that heis comfortably seated. Incidentally, it is bad form to come late to amusicale; it is disturbing to the performers and guests alike. 

Guests do not remain long after the afternoon musicale. The chairs areremoved from the drawing-room and ices, punch, little cakes and bonbonsare served. As the guests leave, it is customary for them to thank thehostess for her entertainment. 

 THE EVENING MUSICALE

Similar in general aspect is the evening musicale and yet there areseveral details that are strikingly different. 

It may be held any time in the evening. Again the hostess receives inthe drawing-room, and again the selections may be either vocal orinstrumental. But the general appearance of the entire affair is moreceremonious, more formal. And after the musicale, instead of simplerefreshments, an elaborate supper is usually given. 

This supper may consist of jellied bouillon, roast meats, salads, ices, confections, punches and coffee. If an important singer or playercontributes to the share of the evening's entertainment he is invited tojoin the guests. After supper the guests converse for a half hour or so, and depart. 

 CARD PARTIES AT THE MUSICALE

Very often, instead of giving a dinner, a hostess will arrange severalsmall tables at which four guests can be comfortably seated. She willserve light refreshments, such as dainty sandwiches, salads, muffins, bouillon and perhaps ices or coffee. After the light repast, the tableswill be cleared and cards brought out. 

If the hostess decides to have cards, after the musicale, she mustmention it in the invitation. The guests may attend only the musicale, if they wish, and leave when the other guests begin the card game. Butif the musicale is held in the evening, and supper is served, the guestwho remains must also remain for the card games as a matter of courtesyand politeness. If he does not wish to play he may watch the others andjoin in the conversation during the intervals between games. 

 DUTIES OF GUESTS AT MUSICALES

The one important rule of conduct at the musicale is to maintain absolutesilence during the selections. It is an unforgivable breach of etiquetteto speak, fidget or otherwise disturb the guests while the numbers arebeing performed. Encores are permissible, but loud applause isundeniably vulgar. Silence, interest and attention characterize theideal guest at the private concert. 

Another duty of the guest is to be prompt. It is very disagreeable tothe performers, and to the hostess, to have guests arrive late anddisturb everyone. However, if one is unavoidably late, to offer profuseapologies, while the musicians are performing, is to make matters worseby prolonging the disturbance. Instead the guest should nod, take his orher seat, and after the musicale, seek out the hostess and offerapologies for not having been on time. 

In taking leave of the hostess, cordial thanks for her entertainment arein order. Remarks about the playing of the guests are not very goodform, especially if they are in adverse criticism. A word of sincerepraise, however, is never amiss. 

 DRESS AT THE MUSICALE

Dress at the musicale is essentially what it would be if the occasionwere an elaborate reception, and if it is given in the evening formalevening dress is worn. In the summer this convention may be set aside infavor of comfort. 

 ARRANGING PRIVATE THEATRICALS

Everyone enjoys private theatricals, amateur and otherwise--the hostess, the guests, and the actors and actresses themselves. It is an ideal meansof entertainment. 

In arranging a private theatrical, which is almost invariably an amateurventure, the first important thing to do is to find a play which isadapted to that talent which is available. It is wise to appoint acommittee to read numerous plays and select for final consideration thosethat seem best fitted to the type of actors and actresses available. Ifone of the young men is naturally witty and bubbling over with hilarityand good fun, he must not be given a part that necessitates grave andsolemn behavior. If he, and the other actors, are given parts not suitedto them, the play is doomed to failure before it is even staged. 

Unless the performers have had some experience in theatricals it is bestto choose a comedy--for even a Greek tragedy in all its poignantsimplicity may become a farce in the hands of unskillful actors. 

Rehearsals are of vital importance. The members of the cast mustrehearse and rehearse and rehearse again until they know their partsperfectly. They must be punctual and regular in their attendance of therehearsals; continually to miss them is to spoil the play and a lack ofpreparation on the part of one actor is unfair to the others, forultimate success depends on each one of the players. 

The performance is usually given in the drawing-room of the host whoissues the invitations, which, by the way, must be sent out two or threeweeks in advance. The host must arrange for stage, lighting effects, seating facilities and all the other incidental details. 

 THE PLAYERS

In assigning parts care must be taken, as was pointed out above, inselecting that character which is most in accord with the player's owncharacter. This is so important that it cannot be overemphasized. Andwhen finally the correct part is chosen for him, he must learn his linesso thoroughly that he will be able, figuratively, to "say them in hissleep. "

Costumes for the play may be obtained from any theatrical supply house. They must be of the style prevalent at the date of the play; Colonialclothes in a Mid-Victorian setting foredoom the play to failure. Acurtain may also be hired from a theatrical supply house, but it is verysimple to adjust one made at home by means of brass rings such as areused in hanging portieres. There should be a separation in the center sothat the curtain may be drawn back from both sides. 

Footlights may consist of a row of small electric lights, or a row ofreflector lamps will impart the desired effect to the improvised stage. For wings, large Japanese screens will do or they, too, may be hired fromthe people who supply the costumes. 

To give the effect of lightning, a magnesia torch is most effective. Thunder is simulated by beating slowly on a bass drum. Hoof beats seemquite real when produced by beating two cocoanut shells on marble. 

The danger of stage fright can be lessened and almost obliterated after asufficient number of rehearsals, and with that poise and self-confidencethat comes with true culture, one should be able to stand before thelargest audience without embarrassment or nervousness. It is one of therewards of correct training. 

 THE GUESTS

As in the musicale, silence is essential. There is nothing moredisconcerting to actors than to notice whispering, giggling or lack ofinterest in the audience. Whether the play is worthy of interest or not, courtesy towards guests and performers demands the appearance ofinterest. 

Guests must answer invitations promptly. In fact, in almost everydetail, attending a theatrical given in the home of a friend requires thesame etiquette as is observed at a fashionable evening musicale. Indeparting, the hostess must be cordially thanked for the pleasantevening, and if the actors are friends of the assemblage and join theguests after the play, they, too, must be thanked for their share of theentertainment. 

 HOST AND HOSTESS

The host and hostess usually receive together at private theatricals. They stand together at the door of the drawing-room, welcome each guestand make the necessary introductions. When the curtain is drawn, theytake seats near the back and rise to greet any delinquent guest. 

After the play a supper may be served. If the actors are friends theyjoin in the supper. But sometimes these private theatricals are notamateurish, but given by professionals, in which case the etiquette issomewhat different, and the performers may or may not be invited, as thehostess chooses. 

Engraved cards are issued, and in the lower left-hand corner appears thename of the play and the leading actor (if he happens to be a celebrity). The guests are expected to arrive at a definite hour, and lateness inthis case is inexcusable. If the professional players do not offer theirservices free, they must receive remuneration for them. 

 CHAPTER VII

 DANCING

 DANCING AS A HEALTHFUL ART

Dancing is an art. More than that, it is a healthful art. In itsgraceful movements, cadenced rhythms, and expressive charms are evidentthe same beautiful emotions that are so eloquently expressed in music, sculpture, painting. And it is through these expressions of emotion, through this silent poetry of the body that dancing becomes a healthfulart, for it imparts to the body--and mind--a poise and strength withoutwhich no one can be quite happy. 

It is because the vital importance of dancing on the Mind and body hasbeen universally recognized, that it has been added to the curriculum ofpublic schools in almost every country. We find the youngsters revellingin folk-dances, and entering dancing games with a spirit that gives vigorto their bodies, balance and grace to their movements. 

Consider, for a moment, the irresistible witchery of music, of rhythmiccadences. We hear the martial note of the drum, and unconsciously ourfeet beat time. We hear the first deep chords of the orchestra, andinvoluntarily our fingers mark the time of the measure. With the soft, mellow harmony of triplet melodies we are transported to the solemnvastness of a mountain beside a, gayly rippling stream. With the deep, sonorous bursts of triumphant melody, we are transported to the ocean'sedge, where the rumbling of the waves holds us in awed ecstasy. Thoughtsof sorrow, of gladness, of joy, of hope surge through us and cry forexpression. Dancing is nature's way of expressing these emotions. 

Then let us dance, for in dancing we find poise and strength and balance. Let us dance for in dancing we find joy, pleasure, hope. It is thelanguage of the feelings, and nature meant it for the expression of thosefeelings. 

It is only when dancing is confined to hot, crowded rooms where theatmosphere is unwholesome, that it loses its healthful influence on mindand body. But where there is plenty of room and fresh air, plenty ofgood, soul-inspiring music--we say dance, young and old alike, dance forthe keen pleasure and joy of the dance itself, and for the health thatfollows in its wake!

 DANCE-GIVING NO LONGER A LUXURY

The day of the strictly formal dance, entailing elaborate suppers, pretentious decorations and large orchestras has passed. In its place isthe simple, enjoyable, inexpensive dance which is at once the delight ofthe guests and the pride of the hostess. 

Simplicity is the keynote of the modern ball. A piano and two stringedinstruments usually comprise the entire orchestra. The charm of the homeis no longer spoiled by over-decoration; a vase or two containing theflowers of the season offer the sole touch of festivity. There are, ofcourse, numerous personal innovations that may be instituted; but as theguests are assembled for dancing, space and a good floor and plenty offresh air are the primary and paramount requisites. 

Light refreshments have taken the place of the large suppers of not solong ago. Hostesses no longer feel overburdened with a sense ofobligation. The dance has become simple and inexpensive; and because itis also so thoroughly enjoyable and healthful, it has become a favoritesport, especially during the cooler months. 

 THE DEBUT DANCE

Perhaps the most important dance of all is that given in honor of the/debutante/. No matter how large or formal a dance may be, it is nevercalled a "ball" in the invitation. The latter is used only in case of alarge public dance or function. The usual "at home" form of invitationis used, and in the lower left-hand corner the word dancing is printed. The name of the young debutante may be included if it is so desired, although it is not essential. But if it is an evening occasion, the nameof both host and hostess must appear on the invitation. 

Whether the dance is held in her own home or in a hall hired for theoccasion, the hostess receives and welcomes each guest. She may beassisted by several of her friends who are well-known in society. Herdaughter stands beside her and is introduced to those of her mother'sguests whom she has not already met. 

The debutante has her first partner selected for her by her mother. Shemay not dance with one man more than once on the occasion of herintroduction to society. But she is expected to dance every dance, returning to receive guests during the intervals. Sometimes the youngdebutante has several of her chums receiving with her for the first halfhour. She offers her hand to every guest who arrives, and introduces inturn the friends who are assisting her. 

The father of the debutante may receive with his wife, but his duty ismore to see that all the women have partners, and that the chaperons aretaken into supper. He also sees that the gentlemen do their duty asdancers instead of remaining in the dressing room to smoke and chat. Thehostess does not dance at all, or if she does, it is usually late in theevening. She remains at her post at the door, welcoming guests andseeing that all shy men get partners and all the young girls have a goodtime. One paramount duty of the hostess is so to arrange her invitationsthat there will be very many more men than women; this eliminates thechance of there being any unhappy wallflowers. Another consideration isto arrange the chairs in informal little groups instead of close to thewalls in a solemn and dreary line. 

 COSTUME BALLS

The costume ball is conducted very much on the same order as the formalball. The invitations are issued two or three weeks before the date setfor the dance, and as for the debut dance, the word ball does not appearon it. Instead the words "Costumes of the Twelfth Century" or"Shakespearean Costumes" or whatever may be decided upon are printed inthe lower left-hand corner of usual "at home" cards. 

In selecting a fancy costume, one must be careful to choose only what is/individually/ becoming. It must be in perfect harmony with one'spersonality. To assume a character that is in every way opposed to one'sown character is unwise and ungratifying. A sedate, quiet young missshould not choose a Folly Costume. Nor should a jolly, vivacious younglady elect to emulate Martha Washington, And furthermore, a charactermust not be merely dressed--it must be lived. The successful costumeball must be realistic;

 SUBSCRIPTION DANCES

What is the purpose of the subscription dance? The question is a commonone. And the answer is simple. 

A subscription dance is given for the same reason that any other dance isgiven--to be surrounded by one's friends, to enjoy music and dancing, andgenerally to have a "good time" It is conducted very much on the order ofthe formal dance, except that it is semi-public and is usually held in apublic hall. There is no host or hostess, of course; their place is heldby an appointed committee or by the patronesses of the dance. They standat the door of the ballroom to welcome guests, and they may either offertheir hands or bow in greeting. It is the duty of the patronesses tointroduce those of the guests who are not already acquainted. 

Each subscriber to the dance has the privilege of inviting a certainnumber of friends to the function. Or, if the membership decide to giveseveral periodic dances, he is entitled to invite a certain number offriends to each one of them. The invitations are issued two weeks aheadand require a prompt acceptance or regrets. 

Sometimes elaborate suppers are served at the subscription dance, themoney for the expenses having been appropriated from the subscriptionfees for the entertainment. Or simple refreshments, such as daintysandwiches, salads, ices, cakes and punch, may be served at small, roundtables. 

In departing, it is not considered necessary to take leave of thepatronesses. However, if they are on duty at the door, a cordial word ortwo of consideration for their efforts may be extended. 

 THE BALLROOM

Everything in the ballroom should suggest gayety, light and beauty. Thefloor, of course, is the most important detail. A polished hardwoodfloor offers the most pleasing surface for dancing. If the wood seemssticky, paraffine wax adds a smoothness that actually tempts one todance. 

Flowers are always pleasing. Huge ferns may grace unexpected corners andgreens may add a festive note, if the hostess so desires. But there mustnot be an obvious attempt at decoration. 

Rather nothing at all, than so very much that it borders on theostentatious. 

In fact, the dance is tending more and more to become a simple andunpretentious function. The elaborate decorations and fashionableconventions that attended the minuet and quadrille of several decades agohave given way to a jolly informality which makes the dance so delightfuland popular a way of entertaining. 

 MUSIC AT THE DANCE

The music, of course, is important; A piano and one or two stringedinstruments are sufficient. The musicians should be hidden behind acluster of palms, or placed in a balcony. 

Ordinarily the selections are arranged previously by the hostess. Shemust also arrange for encores, and should make provision for specialselections which the guests may desire. 

 DANCE PROGRAMS

The dance program is rarely used now except at college dances, or armyand navy dances. It has lost prestige with the passing of theold-fashioned ball. But sometimes there are special occasions when thehostess wishes to have programs, in which case they serve not only aspretty and convenient adjuncts to the occasion, but as appropriatemementos. 

Gilt-edged cards attached with a silk cord and provided with a tinypencil are pretty when an attractive little sketch or a bit of verseenlivens the front cover. Each dance is entered on the program--and manya delightful memory is kept alive by glancing at these names days afterthe dance was held. These programs may be filled beforehand or they maybe filled at the dance. 

DINNER DANCES

At the dinner dance, the hostess issues two sets of invitations, one forthose whom she wishes to invite for dinner and dance both, and one forthose whom she wishes to invite to the dance only. For the former theordinary dinner invitation may be issued, with the words "Dancing atNine" added in the left-hand corner. For the latter, the ordinary "athome" invitation with the same words "Dancing at Nine" added also in theleft-hand corner is correct form. 

Often the hostess has a buffet supper instead of a dinner. All theguests partake of this refreshment. On a long table, decorated withflowers, are salads, sandwiches, ices, jellies and fruits which may bepartaken of throughout the entire evening. Sometimes hot bouillon isalso served, and very often a midnight supper is given at which hotcourses are in order. 

If a dance is scheduled to be held in the ballroom of a hotel, the guestswho are invited to dinner may be served in the dining-room of thathotel. The small tables are usually decorated with lamps and flowers forthe occasion, and the dinner may be ordered by the hostess several daysin advance. 

 DRESSING ROOMS

Whether the dance be large or small, dressing rooms, or coat rooms, asthey are sometimes called, are essential for the convenience of theguests. There must be one for the gentlemen and one for the ladies, eachproperly furnished. 

It is usual to have a maid servant in attendance in the dressing room setapart for the ladies. She helps them relieve themselves of their wrapswhen they arrive, and to don them again when they are ready to depart. Adressing-table, completely furnished with hand-mirror, powder, perfumeand a small lamp, should be provided. A full-size mirror is alwaysappreciated. Sometimes, when a great number of guests are expected, achecking system is devised to simplify matters and aid the maid inidentifying the wraps. 

The men's dressing room may be provided with a smoking table suppliedwith all the necessary requisites for smoking, matches, ash-trays, cigar-cutters, etc. Here also a servant is usually on hand to offer thegentleman his service wherever it is needed. 

 THE DANCE

There is a lesser formality, a greater gayety in the ballroom of to-day. The dance-card and program are no longer enjoying unrivaled vogue as theydid when our grandmothers' danced the waltz and cotillon. The pausesbetween dances are shorter. Something of the old dignity is gone, but inits place is a new romance that is perhaps more gratifying. It is not aromance of the Mid-Victorian period, or a romance that carries with itthe breath of mystery. It is a strangely companionable and levelheadedromance which pervades the ballroom and makes everyone, young and old, man and woman, want to get out on the floor and dance to the tune of thepretty melodies. 

But the ballroom of good society, must retain its dignity even while itindulges in the new "romance of the dance. " It must observe certainlittle rules of good conduct without which it loses all the grace andcharm which are the pride and inspiration of the dancing couples. Thereis, for instance, the etiquette of asking a lady to dance, and acceptingthe invitation in a manner graciously befitting the well-bred young ladyof the twentieth century. 

 WHEN THE LADY IS ASKED TO DANCE

Before asking anyone else to dance, the gentleman must request the firstdance of the lady he escorted to the ball, Then he takes care that shehas a partner for each dance, and that she is never left a wallflowerwhile he dances with some other lady. 

At the conclusion of the dance, the gentleman thanks the lady for thedance and goes off to find his nest partner. The lady does not seek herpartner for the next dance, if she has promised it to anyone, but waitsuntil he comes to claim her. A man should never leave a woman standingalone on the floor. 

 "CUTTING IN"

A modern system of "cutting in" seems to be enjoying a vogue among ouryoung people. While a dance is in progress, a young man may "cut in" andask the lady to finish the dance with him. If the dance has not been verylong in progress, and the young lady wishes to continue it, she may nodand say, "The next time we pass here" The dance continues around theroom, and when the couple reach the same place again, the lady leaves herpartner and finishes the dance with the young man who has "cut in. "

Perhaps this custom of "cutting in" carries with it the merest suggestionof discourtesy, but when we consider the informal gayety of the ballroom, the keen and wholehearted love of dancing, we can understand why theprivilege is extended. Like many another privilege, it becomesdistasteful when it is abused. 

It is not good form for a couple to dance together so many times as tomake themselves conspicuous. 

Men should not neglect their duty as dancers because they prefer to smokeor simply to act as spectators. 

DANCING POSITIONS

Dancing has been revolutionized since the day when the German waltz wasfirst introduced to polite society. And it is safe to say that some ofour austere granddames would feel righteously indignant if they weresuddenly brought back to the ballroom and forced to witness some of themodern dance innovations!

There seems to be an attempt, on the part of the younger generation(although the older generation is not so very far behind!) to achieveabsolute freedom of movement, to go through the dance with a certainunrestrained impulsiveness unknown to the minuet or graceful quadrille. These newer dances and dancing interpretations are charming andentertaining; and yet there is the possibility of their becoming vulgarif proper dancing positions are not taken. The position is especiallyimportant in the latest dances. 

In guiding a lady across the polished floor to the tune of a simple waltzor a gay fox-trot, the gentleman encircles her waist half way with hisright arm, laying the palm of his hand lightly just above the waist line. With his left hand, he holds her right at arm's length in the positionmost comfortable for both of them, taking special care not to hold it inan awkward or ungainly position. His face is always turned slightly tothe left, while hers usually faces front or slightly to the right. Thegirl should place her left arm on her partner's right arm. She mustfollow him and not try to lead the dance herself. 

When the dance requires certain swaying movements, as almost all moderndances do, the lady inclines her body in harmony with that of herpartner, and if the proper care is taken to retain one's poise anddignity, not even a most exacting chaperon can find fault with the newsteps. 

WHEN THE GUEST DOES NOT DANCE

Always at a dance, formal or informal, there are guests who do not dance. Usually they are men, for there is rarely a woman who does not know thesteps of the latest dances--that is, if she ever does accept invitationsat all. But "the guest who does not dance" is one of the unfortunatethings the hostess has to put up with at every one of her dances. 

And there is rarely ever an excuse for it. Every man who mingles insociety at all, who enjoys the company of brilliant women and attractiveyoung ladies, who accepts the invitations of hostesses, is failing in hisduty when he offers as an excuse the fact that he doesn't know how todance for there are sufficient schools of dancing in every city and townwhere the latest steps can be learned quickly. 

If for any reason, a gentleman does not know how to dance, and does notwant to learn, he may make up for it by entertaining the chaperons whiletheir charges are dancing--conversing with them, walking about with themand escorting them to the refreshment table, and altogether show by hiskind attentiveness that he realizes his deficiency and wishes to make upfor it. To lounge in the dressing-room, smoking and chatting with othergentlemen is both unfair to the hostess and essentially rude in thematter of ballroom etiquette. The true gentleman would rather decline aninvitation than be unfair to his hostess and her guests in this respect. 

 PUBLIC DANCES

Very often public dances are given in honor of some special occasion or acelebrated guest. They are very much like private dances, except that aspecially appointed committee fulfills the position and duties of thehostess. At most public balls, the committee is composed of men andwomen who wear badges to indicate their position, and who stand at thedoor to receive and welcome each guest. These men and women do not dancethe first dance, but wait until later in the evening when they are quitesure that all the guests have arrived; and then they are always back attheir duty during the intervals between dances. 

Guests arriving at a public dance greet the patronesses with a smile ofwelcome and a word or two, but rarely offer their hands to be shakenunless the ladies serving as patronesses take the initiative. They maystay for one or two dances, or throughout the whole evening, as theyprefer; and when departing, it is not necessary to seek out thepatronesses and bid them good-by. 

Engraved invitations are usually issued three weeks before the date setfor the ball. On these cards the names of the patronesses are alsoengraved. If the entrance to the ball is by purchased ticket, such as isalways the case when the ball is given for some charity, the invitationsmust be preserved and shown at the entrance. 

Sometimes a supper is included in the arrangement of the public ball, andin such case a caterer is engaged to attend to all details, includingservants. A buffet supper is always the most pleasing and satisfactoryas the guests may partake of the foods when they desire and there is noconfusion or interruption to the dance. Hot bouillon, various meats, salads, cakes, ices, fruits and confections are an ideal menu. Coffee orpunch is sometimes added. 

When a public ball is given in honor of some special person, that personmust be met on his arrival and immediately introduced to the women on thereception committee and escorted to the seat reserved for him. He mustbe attended throughout the evening, introduced to everyone he does notknow, and all his wants carefully taken care of. When he departs, hemust be escorted to his carriage, and if he is a celebrated personagethanked for his presence--although truly cultured gentlemen prefer not tohave this honor paid them. 

A public ball is either a tremendous success or a miserable failure. There is no in-between. And the success or failure rests solely on thegood judgment and influence of the ladies and gentlemen of thecommittees, including, of course, those who receive. To mingle freelyamong the guests, to join in the conversation, to introduce guests toeach other and find partners for the "wallflowers" all these littleservices tend to arouse a spirit of friendliness and harmony that cannotbut result in an evening that will be long remembered in the minds ofevery guest. 

 A PLEA FOR DANCING

Lately there has been a great deal of unfavorable criticism directedagainst the modern dances. There have been newspaper articles condemningthe "latest dance fads" as immoral and degrading. There have beenspeeches and lectures against "shaking and twisting of the body intoweird, outlandish contortions. " There have been vigorous crusadesagainst dance halls. And all because a few ill-bred, fun-loving, carefree young people wrongly interpreted the new dances in their own wayand gave to the steps the vulgar abandon appropriate only to the cheapvaudeville stage or the low dance hall. 

Dancing, even the shoulder-shaking, oscillating dancing of to-day, isreally not intended to be vulgar or immoral at all, despite the crusadesof the anti-immorality dancing committees! What is dancing, after all, ifnot the expression of one's ideals and emotions? It is only the man orwoman with a vulgar mind, with base ideals, who will give a vulgarinterpretation to a dance of any kind. But the essentially fine girl, the really well-bred man, the people who, by their poise and dignity haveearned for America the envied title of "Republic of theAristocrats"--they dance these latest creations for the sheer joy of thedance itself, reveling in its newness, enjoying the novelty of its"different" steps, seeing nothing in its slow undulations or brisk littlesteps, but art--a "jazzy" art, to be sure, but still the beautiful art ofdancing. 

And so we plead--let the younger generation enjoy its giddy waltzes andbrisk-paced fox-trots and fancy new dances just as grandmother, when shewas young, was allowed to enjoy the minuet and the slow waltz. They aredifferent, yes, and rather hard to accept after the dignified dances ofnot so long ago. But they are picturesque, to say the least, andartistic. The gracefully-swaying bodies, keeping step in perfectharmony to the tunes of the newer symphony orchestras, are delightful towatch; and in good society, young men and women can always be trusted todeport themselves with utter grace and poise. 

The minuet was decidedly graceful. The old German waltz with its dreamy, haunting melody was beautiful as it was enjoyable. But they have beenrelegated into the days of hoop skirts and powdered wigs. To-day the"jazzy" dances are in vogue, and society in its lowest and highestcircles is finding intense pleasure in the whirling, swirling dancesdecreed by fashion as her favorites. Why complain? Perhaps in anotheryear or two, these giddy-paced dances will be "out of style" and in theirstead will be solemn, slow dances more graceful and stately than even theminuet of yore. 

 THE CHARM OF DRESS IN DANCING

Immediately after the Reign of Terror, France was plunged into a recklessround of unrestrained gayety that can come only from love of life andyouth and laughter long pent-up. It was as though an avalanche of joyhad been released; it was in reality the reaction from the terrors andnightmares of those two years of horror. The people were free, free todo as they pleased without the fear of the guillotine ever present; andall France went mad with rejoicing. 

It was then that dancing came into its own. Almost overnight huge dancehalls sprang up. The homes of wealthy aristocrats who had beensacrificed to the monster guillotine, were converted into places fordancing. Every available inch of space was utilized for the dance. Andthe more these freed people danced, the more their spirits soared withthe joy of life and living, until they found in the dance itself theinterpretation of freedom and all that it means. 

A biographer who was an eye-witness of this madcap Paris, wrote in detailabout the dance and the dress of these people. He told how they dressedin the brightest clothes they could obtain, for maddened with happinessas they were, they instinctively felt that bright clothes would enliventheir spirits. And they did!

"The room was a mass of swirling, twirling figures, " the biographerwrites, "men, women and children in weird, vivid clothes. It seemednatural that they should be dancing so wildly in their wild costumes; intheir sabots and aprons of two months ago they would not have been ableto take one step. "

It is, then, the spirit of clothes that imparts to one the spirit of thedance. We have mentioned these facts about the Reign of Terror to showwhat effect clothes do have on the spirit, and incidentally to show whatthe ballroom owes to dress. For it is undoubtedly the gayly-coloreddance frock of the miss of the twentieth century, and the strikinglyimmaculate dance suit of her partner that gives to the ballroom to-daymuch of its splendid brilliance. 

 AT THE AFTERNOON DANCE

There can be no comparison between the mad dance of freed France and thesimple, graceful dance of to-day. Yet we can see the effect of clothesin relation to both. 

It is not often that dances are held in the afternoon, but when theoccasion does arise, dress is just as gay and colorful as one can wearwithout being gaudy. The decorous effect of these bright-coloredcostumes is what brings the "giddy kaleidoscopic whirl of colors andcostumes, modes and manners" that the historian speaks of when hementions the ballroom. 

For the afternoon dance, we would suggest that the very young personchoose the fluffiest and most becoming style which fashion permits. Trimit gaily, but above all, make it youthful--for youth and dancing arepeculiarly allied. 

The older woman will want a gown that is more suited to her years. Itmay be of taffeta, Canton crepe or crepe-de-chine; but satin is one ofthe materials that is preferred for more formal occasions than theafternoon dance. The colors may be somber, to match one's tastes, butthe trimming should have a note of gayety. 

Décolleté is never worn at the afternoon dance. Short sleeves may beworn if Fashion favors them at the time, and the neck of the gown is alsocut on the lines that agree with the prevalent mode. But it is extremelybad taste, even for a very celebrated guest of honor, to attend theafternoon dance in a sleeveless, décolleté gown. 

A late custom seems to favor the wearing of satin slippers to match thegown. It is not by any means bad taste, but patent leather or kid pumpsare preferred for the afternoon, reserving the more elaborate satin pumpsfor evening wear. Long white silk or kid gloves and a light-coloredafternoon wrap complete the correct dress for the afternoon dance. Thehat, of course, depends on Fashion's whim at the moment. 

 GENTLEMEN AT THE DANCE

In summer, the gentleman may wear a complete suit of gray with a whiteduck waistcoat and light linen to the afternoon dance, completing hiscostume with black patent leather shoes or oxford ties, light graygloves, and straw hat with black and white band. But whether it be forsummer or winter, the dark suit is always better taste. 

It may be of serge, twillet or homespun, preference being given always tothe conventional navy blue serge. Double-Breasted models are appropriatefor the young man; single-breasted for the older. Light linen and brightties are in full accordance with the gay colors worn by the women at thedance. The coat may be the ordinary unlined, straight hanging overcoatof thin material in a light color, or it may be an attractive full beltedraglan coat of tan or brown fleece. In either case it is worn with theconventional afternoon hat of the season. 

 DRESS FOR THE BALL

When the dance is held in the evening, it often assumes an air offormality. 

It is at the ball that such important events as introducing one'sdaughter to society or celebrating the graduation of one's son fromcollege, takes place. 

Of course, one wears one's most important jewels to the ball, andindulges in a headdress that is a trifle more elaborate than usual. Theevent is a brilliant one, and if gaudiness and ostentation areconscientiously avoided, one may dress as elaborately as one pleases. 

This does not mean, however, that the woman whose purse permits only oneevening gown, need feel ill at ease or self-conscious at the ball, forsimplicity has a delightful attractiveness all its own, and if the gownis well-made of excellent materials, and in a style and color that isbecoming, one will be just as effectively dressed as the much-bejeweleddowager. 

 DRESS OF THE DEBUTANTE

A gown is chosen with much premeditated consideration for so momentous anoccasion as being ushered into society. The young lady does well to seekthe advice of her friends who are already in society, and of her modistewho knows by long experience just what is correct and becoming. Butperhaps we can give some advice here that will be helpful. 

A delicately tinted gown, in pastel shades, or one that is pure white ispreferred for the happy debutante. Tulle, chiffon, net and silkgeorgette are the most popular materials. The style should be youthfuland simple, preferably bordering on the bouffant lines rather than onthose that are more severely slender. The neck may be cut square, roundor heart-shaped, and elbow-length sleeves or full-length lace sleeves arepreferred. The sleeveless' gown is rarely worn by the young debutante. 

The debutante who wears many jewels displays poor taste. Just a stringof softly glowing pearls, or one small diamond brooch, is sufficient. Her hair should be arranged simply in a French coil or youthful coiffure, and should be wholly without ornamentation. Simplicity, in fact, is oneof the charms of youth, and the wise young person does not sacrifice itto over-elaboration, even on the day of her debut. 

 WRAPS AT THE BALL

The woman wears her most elaborate evening wrap to the ball. Softmaterials in light shades are suggested, with trimmings of fur for thewinter months. A wrap of old blue or old rose velvet with a collar ofwhite fog is becoming and attractive when it is within one's means. Butthe simple wrap of cloth, untrimmed, is certainly better taste for thewoman whose means are limited. However, discrimination should be shown inthe selection of lines and colors. A simple wrap, well-cut, and of finematerial in a becoming shade, is as appropriate and effective as a wrapcompletely of fur. For the woman who must dress economically a darkloose coat of black satin is serviceable for many occasions. 

Hats are never worn to the ball. A shawl or scarf of fine lace may bethrown over the hair and shoulders. Or a smaller shawl may be tiedmerely around the head. Satin pumps are worn, usually with buckletrimmings; and long gloves of white silk or kid, or in a color to matchthe gown, complete the outfit. 

 BALL DRESS FOR MEN

Nothing less strictly formal than the complete full dress suit is worn bythe gentleman at the evening ball. His costume strikes a somber, yetsmart, note. 

Whether it be summer or winter, the gentleman wears the black full dresscoat, lapels satin-faced if he so desires, and trousers to match. Fullrolled waistcoat, small bow-tie and stiff linen are all immaculatelywhite. Patent leather pumps and black silk socks complete the outfit. 

In summer, the gentleman wears over his full dress suit a light unlinedcoat, preferably black in color. If the lapels of the suit aresatin-faced, the coat lapels may correspond. White kid gloves are worn, and a conventional silk hat. In winter, the coat may be a heavy, dark-colored raglan, although the Chesterfield overcoat more suits hisdignified dress. With it he wears white kid gloves and a high silk hator felt Alpine as he prefers. 

 FOR THE SIMPLE COUNTRY DANCE

There can be nothing more picturesque and delightful than some of thepretty little social dances held in the smaller towns. Sometimes they areheld in the afternoon; more often in the evening, but always they are asource of keen enjoyment both to the participants and to those who "lookon. "

We are going to tell you about a dance held recently in the home of asocial leader in a typical small town. Everyone of any consequencewhatever attended, and the occasion proved one worthy of remembrance inthe social annals of the town. There were perhaps one hundred and fiftywomen and one hundred men. Three rooms in the hostess' home were thrownopen into one huge ballroom. The dancing began at eight o'clock in theevening--rather early for the city, but unusually late for this countrytown. 

To a visitor from so gay a metropolis as New York, the simplicity of thewomen's dress was a pleasing change. They were in evening dress, yes, but a strangely more conservative evening dress than that describedpreviously for the formal ball. There were no sleeveless gowns, noelaborate decolletes. Taffetas, chiffons and silk brocades weredeveloped simply into gowns of dignified charm. One did not noticeindividual gowns, for no one woman was dressed more elaborately thananother. This is what everyone should strive for simplicity with charmand a complete absence of all conspicuousness. 

Fashion has been condemned. Women have been ridiculed for their "extremetastes. " As a matter of fact, civilization owes dress a great debt, andwomen have an inherent good taste. And both these facts are forciblyproved at the country dance, where simplicity and harmony of colorcombine to give an effect that is wholly delightful and charming. 

The lesson we might take from this is that simplicity in dress has morebeauty and effect than elaborate "creations. "

 CHAPTER VIII

 GAMES AND SPORT

 WHY THE WORLD PLAYS

All the world loves to play. In childhood, it is the very language oflife. In youth, it vies with the sterner business of young manhood orwomanhood. When we are older and the days of childhood are but a fadingmemory, we still have some "hobby" that offers recreation from ourbusiness and social duties. It may be golf or tennis or billiards; but itis play--and it is a relaxation. 

It is a fundamental law of nature that we shall play in proportion to theamount of work we do. The inevitable "tired business man" findsincentive in the thought of a brisk game of golf after closing hours. The busy hostess looks forward to the afternoon that she will be able todevote exclusively to tennis. The man or woman who does not "play" ismissing one of the keenest pleasures of life. 

But there is an etiquette of sport and games, just as there is anetiquette of the ballroom and dinner table. One must know how to conductoneself on the golf links and at the chess table, just as one must knowhow to conduct oneself at dinner or at the opera. And in one's play, onemust remember that touching little fable of the frogs who were stoned byboys, in which the poor little creatures cried, "What is play to you isdeath to us. " Be kind, unselfish and fair. Do not sacrifice, in theexciting joyousness of the game, the little courtesies of social life. Remember Burns' pretty bit of verse--we cannot resist the temptation ofprinting it here:

 "Pleasures are like poppies spread, You seize the flower, its bloomis shed; Or, like the snowfall on the river, A moment white, thenmelts forever. "

 FAIR PLAY

Nothing so quickly betrays a person as unfairness in games. It hardlyseems necessary to mention it, to caution anyone against it. Yet so manypeople are prone to believe that the courtesies we observe in sociallife, may be entirely forgotten in the world of sport and pleasure--andthat with them, we may forget our scruples. "Cheating" is a harsh wordand we do not want to use it. But what other word can be used todescribe unfairness, to describe selfish discourtesies?

"Fair play is a jewel. " This proverb has been handed down to us amongother old sayings of the Danish, and Denmark loves its games and sportsas few other countries do. It was here that the game of Bridge first hadits inception. It was here that the game of "Boston" first wonprominence. Many of the games and sports practiced in America to-day hadtheir origin in Denmark. And it was that country that gave to us thegolden proverb, "Fair play is a jewel. "

We could fill a complete volume on the ethics of sport, but it is notnecessary to elaborate on the subject in a book of etiquette. When youare on the tennis courts or at the billiard tables remember only toobserve the same good manners and courtesies that characterize yoursocial life--and you will play fair. 

 INDOOR GAMES

Bridge and chess have long been the boon of puzzled hostesses. Theseindoor games offer a wealth of interest and enjoyment to visiting guests, and in social circles they are frequently resorted to, to make anafternoon or evening pass pleasantly. 

Every woman who ever invites people to her home should know the etiquetteof indoor games. It is also necessary that she herself know how to playthe games as it will be expected that she join her guests. At a recentsilver wedding the host and hostess evolved the novel idea of spendingthe evening playing bridge with the guests and offering silver prizes tothe winners. Every one enjoyed the evening, and it saved the hostess thetrouble of worrying about providing satisfactory entertainment. 

Some women who enjoy indoor games form clubs for the purpose of devotingone or more afternoons or evenings a week to the favored game. There arenumerous chess and bridge clubs that meet in private homes or inclub-rooms rented for the purpose. The usual method is to meet at thehome of one of the members, rotating each week so that each member hasher turn at being hostess. 

 CHESS

There is something romantic, something strangely fanciful in the old gameof chess. Its origin is forgotten in a dim past--a past around which iswoven historical tales of kings and queens, interesting anecdotes ofancient sports and pleasures. There is perhaps no indoor game as old andas beloved. [To inspire interest in certain games, and to give renewedzest to those who have already made one of these games a hobby, it wasconsidered worth-while to give in these chapters the interesting factsregarding the origin of some of our popular modern games. We areindebted to Paul Mouckton, whose splendid book, "Pastimes is Times Past"ha helped us to make this possible. ]

Chess is also one of the most universal of games. In slightly alteredform, it is played in almost every country. Games resembling chess arefound even in uncivilized countries. To know the rudiments of the game, is to be able to enter into at least one sport when traveling in othercountries. 

We trace the origin of chess to the ancient Sanscrit Indians. At thattime it was known as "chatauranga. " From this word, the word "shatrang"was evolved, developing slowly into our modern word "chess. " It was inthe sixteenth century that the surface of the chess-board was chequeredblack and white. Just as the capture of a king by enemies meant theterminating of his rule of the kingdom in those days, the capture of the"king" on the chess-board to-day terminates the game. 

It is interesting to note that the different "pieces" used in the game ofchess all have their origin in ancient history. The game is one of themost interesting in existence, and the man or woman who does not alreadyknow how to play it, should learn how as soon as possible. There arenumerous authorities who are only too glad to teach it. 

The hostess who plans a chess-party for her guests should arrange asufficient number of small tables in the drawing-or reception-room. Usually coffee and wafers are served as refreshment in the afternoon; butif the party is held in the evening, it usually terminates in a coldmidnight supper. 

 BRIDGE

Bridge is one of our most popular card-games--particularly so amongwomen. It is also one of the most interesting indoor games everinvented, and therefore usually adopted by the hostess who wishes toentertain her guests for the afternoon or evening. 

England greeted the origin of bridge, about fifty years ago, with greatdelight. The game speedily became one of the most popular ones in socialcircles. Perhaps if we exclude whist, bridge has taken a greater holdupon the popular imagination than any other card-game ever invented. 

The origin of the word "bridge" itself is buried in the mists ofuncertainty. Some say that it comes from the Tartar word "birintch"which means "town-crier. " Others contend that it comes from the Russianword "biritch" meaning Russian whist. But whatever its origin, the wordmeans a game of such utter interest and delight, that it should be wellunderstood and frequently indulged in by hostesses and their guests. 

There are two kinds of bridge; one, known as Auction Bridge is for threeplayers. Ordinary bridge is for four players. In the former game, onedepends largely upon luck. But skill is a very necessary requisite tothe one who wishes to play and win in ordinary bridge. Writers on gamesdeclare that Auction Bridge is more of a "gambling" game than ordinarybridge. But hostesses who do not favor "gambling" in any form, hadbetter choose chess as their popular game, for it is the only game fromwhich the element of chance is entirely absent. But bridge, perhaps byvirtue of its very element of chance, is to-day one of the most popularindoor games. 

The hostess who invites friends to a bridge-party should providesufficient card tables for the purpose. If the party consists entirelyof ladies, it is usually held in the afternoon and light refreshments areserved. If men join the party it is usually held in the evening andterminates in a midnight supper. 

 BILLIARDS AND CROQUET

There seems to be some very intimate connection between croquet andbilliards. But while croquet is a very old game and now rapidly lapsinginto disuse, billiards is a comparatively new one enjoying very widepopularity. The fact that small billiard tables are being made to fitconveniently into the drawing-room at home, proves that the modern hostand hostess recognize the popularity of the game. Croquet, we find fromstudying the history of games, was played in the thirteenth century. Billiards, which we speak of as being "comparatively new, " was known inthe seventeenth century, for does not Shakespeare have Cleopatra say inAntony's temporary absence:

 "Let us to billiards: Come, Charmian. "

Billiards is a game that lends itself to betting. While this may bepermissible in a public billiard place, it is not good form in a privatehome where the hostess invites a few friends to enjoy the game with her. She should not invite many people unless she has several tables to placeat their disposal. 

Croquet is played on the lawn. Hidden in the forgotten origin ofbilliards, there must be some connection between the green lawn ofcroquet and the green baize cloth of the billiard table. Croquet isplayed with mallets and balls, very much on the same order as the game ofbilliards. 

The game of croquet is derived from the same source as hockey. The oldFrench word "hoquet, " meaning a "crooked stick" has very much the samemeaning as the word "croquet. " Both are excellent outdoor sports thatguests at a house party will find enjoyable and interesting. 

One hostess we know, who is a billiard enthusiast, has six tables in her"billiard room, " as she calls it, where she entertains several guestsalmost every afternoon. On the wall is a large picture showing twostately old gentlemen playing a game of billiards, and beneath it in boldhandlettering, the following bit of verse from Cotton's book, "TheCompleat Gamester":

 Billiards from Spain at first derived its name, Both an ingenious anda cleanly game. One gamester leads (the table green as grass) Andeach like warriors, strive to gain the Pass. 

 OUTDOOR GAMES

At garden parties, house parties, and lawn parties, there is always theneed for interesting, amusing games that will afford entertainment forthe guests. The hostess who knows the various games that are popularamong the younger and older sets, will be able to spend many jolly, pleasant mornings and afternoons with her guests. 

Not only for the hostess and her guest, but for every man or woman wholoves games and sports, who enjoys being outdoors, there are sports thatare as enjoyable as they are health-building. There can be nothing moredelightful, on a Saturday afternoon, than to go out on the links andenjoy a good game of golf. And there can be nothing more invigorating tothe tired hostess than a brisk game of lawn tennis on a sunny afternoon. 

To the splendid outdoor games of America, our young women owe theirlithe, graceful bodies and their glowing good health; and our young menowe their well-knit forms and muscular strength. No appeal can be toostrong in encouraging people to indulge more freely in outdoorsports--and especially people who spend a great deal of their time inbusinesses that confine them to offices. 

 LAWN TENNIS

Tennis is always popular and always interesting. 

Those who love the game will enjoy a bit of the history of its origin andof its development in recent years. It is not a new game. The exactdate of its origin is not known, and perhaps never will be, but we doknow that it was imported into England from France at a very early date. Originally it was called "palmplay" because the palm was used to cast theball to the other side. And instead of the net, a mud-wall was used toseparate the two sides. 

The game of tennis flourished in the time of Joan of Arc, for we find hernamesake, a certain Jean Margot, born in 1421, called the "amazon ofmedieval tennis" by Paul Mouckton in his book, "Pastimes in Times Past. "

He tells us also that she could play ball better than any man in France. 

In the fifteenth century, tennis fell into disrepute because of the largeamount of betting. But gradually, with the passing of the years and thedevelopment of the tennis courts, it once more came into its own, andsoon we find that it had become so popular and fashionable that itthreatened to eclipse even cricket, England's most popular outdoor game. Then once again it lapses into neglect, not to return to the lawns andcourts again until 1874. Since that year, Lawn Tennis has steadily risento the ranks of the most favored social game in America and England. Inthe past few years changes and improvements have been made and as thegame now stands it is truly the "king of games"-as Major Wingfielddescribed it more than two decades ago. 

The hostess who invites friends to a tennis game should be sure that hercourts are in good condition. It is her duty to supply the net, balls andracquets, although some enthusiasts prefer using their own racquets. Whether or not the hostess joins in the games herself, depends entirelyupon her personal preference, and upon convenience. Usually, however, sheis expected to play at least one set. 

 GOLF

The fact that Pepys, in his well-known diary, tells us that he saw theDuke of York playing golf (known then as Paille-Maille) is sufficientevidence of the antiquity of the game. It is of Scotch origin, beingplayed in the Lowlands as early as 1300. The very words "caddie, " "links"and "tee" are Scotch. "Caddie" is another word for cad, but the meaningof that word has changed considerably with the passing of the centuries. "Link" means "a bend by the river bank, "' but literally means a "ridge ofland. " "Tee" means a "mark on the ground. "

It seems that golfing has some strange charm from which there is noescaping once one has experienced it. To play golf and to learn itsfascination, is to love it always and be unable to forsake it. James Iand Prince Henry his son, were ardent golfers. Charles I was also a loverof golf, and it is related that the news of the Irish Rebellion in 1642was brought to him while he was playing at the Links at Leith. Sir JohnFoulis, Earl John of Montrose, Duncan Forbes and the Duke of Hamilton areother notables of history, known to have been addicted to the game. 

In 1754 a Golf Club was founded in England, pledging themselves tocompete each year for a silver cup. In 1863 another Royal Golf Club wasfounded of which the Prince of Wales was elected Captain. The minutes andrecords of this club reveal many interesting, and ofttimes amusing, customs that presaged the very customs practiced by golf-lovers to-day. 

One reason why golf is so popular is that it is a sport in which old andyoung can join on an equal footing. In this manner it is unlike hockey orother similar games, where strength and training are essential. But onemust not have the impression that golf can be played once or twice, andthen known and understood thoroughly. It is the kind of game that must beplayed enthusiastically and constantly; and gradually one becomesconscious of a fascination that can hardly be found in any other game orsport. 

There is a distinct etiquette of the links that should be known by thehostess who plans a golfing party, and also by everyone who plays thegame. Courtesy is one of the unwritten laws of the links. It isconsidered an unpardonable sin to speak or move when watching anotherplayer make a drive. It is also unpardonable to attempt to play throughthe game of persons who are ahead on the links. 

 SOME IMPORTANT RULES ABOUT GOLF

In teeing-off, one should be quite sure that one's immediate predecessorsfrom the tee are at least two shots in advance. Otherwise there is dangerof injuring other players; and there is also the confusion of drivingballs among those of near-by players. If, however, a ball is driven intothe space of greensward where another player is concentrating upon hisball an apology should be made. 

Sometimes skillful and rapid players find their progress over the linksretarded by players who are slow and inaccurate. These slow players maybe new at the game, or they may prefer to play slowly. At any rate, itis good form for the rapid players to request that they be permitted toplay through ahead of the others; or it is still better for the slowplayers themselves, when they see that they are retarding others, tovolunteer stepping aside while the others play through. A courtesy ofthis kind requires cordial thanks. 

Putting is a delicate and difficult operation upon which the entiresuccess of the game rests. Spectators must keep this in mind when theyare on the links, and they must not stand so close to the player thatthey will interfere with his concentration. It is extremely bad form totalk, whisper or shuffle about while a player is putting, and those whodo so are revealing their lack of courtesy and of the knowledge of thecorrect etiquette of sport. 

 FOOTBALL

We feel that a word about football is necessary, not only because it isone of the most popular American sports, but because men and women alikeenjoy watching the game. At the Yale Bowl, where some of the mostspectacular football games are played--and won--thousands of men andwomen from all over the United States gather every year. 

Like all other ball games, football is based on many other games that hadtheir origin in medieval times. It was only after the game of kickingthe ball had been introduced in England, that it became a distinct sportknown as football. Since then it has flourished and developed, untilto-day it is as popular as tennis, hockey, baseball and golf. 

Football is a strenuous game. In England it was confined largely to boysand young men. Even in America elderly men never play the game, but thatis no reason why they cannot watch and enjoy it. 

There can be no etiquette prescribed for the players in a football gamebeyond that incorporated in the rules of the game and in the general lawsof good sportsmanship. But the people who are watching the game mustobserve a certain good conduct, if they wish to be considered entirelycultured. For instance, even though the game becomes very exciting, itis bad form to stand up on the seats and shout words of encouragement tothe players. Yet how many, who claim to be entirely well-bred, do thisvery thing!

Of course it is permissible to cheer; but it must be remembered thatthere are correct and incorrect ways of cheering. Noise is noise even inthe grandstand, and your loud cheering is very likely to annoy the peoplearound you. A brief hand-clapping is sufficient applause for a good playor even for a victory. It is not necessary to be boisterous. And thisholds true of the game of baseball also, when loud cheering serves onlyto create confusion and disorder. 

The well-mannered person is known by his or her calm conduct and gentlemanners whether it be in the ballroom or at the football game. 

 AUTOMOBILE ETIQUETTE

With automobiling enjoying its present universal popularity, it isnecessary to add a few paragraphs here regarding the correct automobileetiquette. For there is an etiquette of driving, and a very definiteetiquette that must be followed by all who wish to be well-bred. 

First there are the rules by which the driver of the car must begoverned. In busy city streets, where there are no traffic regulationsto govern the reckless driver, one should drive slowly and cautiously. It is time enough to drive speedily when the open roads of the countryare reached. But it is inconsiderate and selfish to speed one's caralong streets where children are likely to dash unexpectedly in front ofthe car or where pedestrians are in danger of being thrown down. 

A very uncourteous and unkind habit is to sound one's horn wildly, for noother reason than to frighten less fortunate people who have to walk. The horn on the car should be used only to warn people out of the road, or when turning a dangerous corner. It should never be used to signal toa person that the car is waiting outside for her. 

Care should be exercised in the seating arrangement. The courteous hostand hostess take the seats in the center, leaving those on the outsidefor their guests. If the host is driving, the front seat at his side isa place of honor and should be given to a favored guest. 

The people inside the car also have some rules of good conduct toobserve. It is bad form to stand up in the car, to sing or shout, or tobe in any way boisterous. Automobile parties often speed along countryroads shouting at the top of their voices for no other reason than toattract attention--to be noticed. The very first rule of good conducttells us that this is utterly ill-bred. 

It hardly seems necessary to warn the people who are out motoring, not tothrow refuse from the car on to the road. Yet we often see paper bagsand cigarette boxes hurtling through the air in the wake of some speedingcar. This is as bad form as dropping a match-stick on the polisheddrawing-room floor of one's hostess or home. 

 AUTOMOBILE PARTIES

Some hostesses plan motor trips for their guests. If it is to be a longtrip, requiring an over-night stop at a hotel, the invitations must stateclearly, but tactfully, whether they are to be guests throughout thetrip, or only while in the motor. Ordinarily, the host and hostess payall expenses incurred while on the trip. 

Gentlemen do not enter the car until the ladies have been comfortablyseated. Neither do they smoke in the car without asking permission to doso. A driver, whether he be the host himself or a hired chauffeur, should be sure that all the guests are comfortably seated beforestarting. And he should drive slowly to prevent the uncomfortablejolting that usually results when a car is driven at a great speed. 

Hostesses often provide linen dusters and goggles for those of theirguests who desire them. It is wise, also, to include a few motorblankets, in case the weather changes and the guests become chilly. Aconsiderate host, or hostess, will see that the wind-shield, top andside-curtains are adjusted to the entire comfort of all the occupants ofthe car. 

The dress for an automobile party is a sports suit of some serviceablematerial that will not show dust readily. The hat should be a small onethat will not interfere with the wearer's comfort. In place of a suitone may wear a one-piece dress and a coat but one must never wear lightor flimsy materials. If there is to be an overnight stop and one wishesto wear a dinner gown she must have it made of a stuff that will notwrinkle easily or she must be able to make arrangements to have itpressed. 

When the car stops and the guests descend, the gentlemen should leavefirst and help the ladies to descend. If the party stops forrefreshments, the chauffeur must not be forgotten. It is a slight thatis as unforgivable and discourteous as omitting to serve a guest in one'sdining-room. The chauffeur is as much entitled to courtesy as the othermembers of the party. Of course he does not expect to join the party attheir table, nor does he care to eat with the servants of the hotel. Thewisest plan is for him to be served in the regular dining-room of thehotel, but at another table except when the hotel has specialarrangements to meet this condition. 

It is always necessary to take the guests on an automobile party back tothe place where they started from unless it is distinctly understood fromthe beginning that some other plan is to be pursued. When planning amotor party consisting of two or more cars, the hostess should be sure toarrange her guests so that only congenial people will be in each car. Itis never good form to crowd a car with more people than it can holdcomfortably, except in an emergency. 

"Careful driving" should be the watchword of everyone who owns a motor. Remember that the streets were not created merely for the owner of theautomobile, but for the pedestrian as well. 

 RIDING

Horse-back riding is one of the favorite outdoor sports of men and women. Which is as it should be, for not only is it excellent for poise andgrace, but it is splendid for the health. 

A gentleman, when riding with a woman, assists her to mount and dismount. This is true even though a groom accompanies them. In assisting a ladyto mount her horse, the gentleman first takes the reins, places them inher hand and then offers his right hand as a step on which to place herfoot, unless she prefers to slip her foot in the stirrup and spring up tothe saddle unassisted. In this case, it is necessary for him only tohold the horse's head, and to give her the reins when she is comfortablyseated in the saddle. He does not mount his own horse until she ismounted and on her way. 

It is the privilege of the woman rider to set the pace. The gentlemanfollows at her side or slightly behind. He goes ahead, however, to opengates or lower fences that are too dangerous for her to jump. Indismounting, he again offers his aid, holding her horse and offering hishand if it is necessary to assist her. The lady dismounts on the leftside. 

At a hunt, a gentleman must sacrifice a great deal of the sport of thechase if there is a woman in the party under his care. He must ride veryclose to her, taking the easiest way and watching out for her comfort. It is poor form, however, for any woman to follow the hounds in a chaseunless she is an accomplished rider. Otherwise she is merely a hindranceto the rest of the party, and especially to the man who is accompanyingher. 

Be kind to your horse. Do not exhaust it. Do not force it to climbsteep hills. Be careful of how you use your spurs. And try to rememberthat good old proverb, "The best feed of a horse is his master's eye. "

Even in the most conservative communities to-day women wear breechesinstead of the heavy skirts of a short time back. The cut depends uponthe prevailing fashion but the habit should never be of flashingmaterial. 

 BATHING

The etiquette of the beach has not yet been settled and the chief pointof dispute is the way a woman should dress. It is absurd for her to weara suit that will hamper her movements in the water but it is even worsefor her to wear a skimpy garment that makes her the observed of allobservers as she parades up and down the beach. There is no set rule asto what kind of suit one should wear for one person can wear a thing thatmakes another ridiculous if not actually vulgar. A well-bred woman isher own best guide and she will no more offend against modesty at thebeach than she will in the drawing-room. 

 SPORTS CLOTHES IN GENERAL

Comfort and style should be attractively combined in sports clothes withthe emphasis on comfort. Practicability should never be sacrificed tofashion, and however beautiful they may be to look at, an automobile coatthat cannot stand dust, a bathing suit that cannot stand water and ahiking outfit that cannot stand wear are merely ridiculous. There arethree questions that the man or woman should first ask themselves beforebuying a sports outfit. First, Is it comfortable? Next, Is it practical?And last, Is it pleasing?

PART IV

I would rather have a young fellow too much than too little dressed; theexcess on that side will wear off, with a little age and reflection; butif he is negligent at twenty, he will be a sloven at forty andintolerable at sixty. Dress yourself fine where others are fine, andplain where others are plain; but take care always that your clothes arewell made and fit you, for otherwise they will give you a very awkwardair. --Chesterfield. 

 CHAPTER I

 SPEECH

One is judged first by his dress but this judgment is not final. Abetter index is his speech. It is said that one can tell during aconversation that lasts not longer than a summer shower whether or not aman is cultivated. Often it does not take even so long, for a raucoustone of voice and grossly ungrammatical or vulgar expressions brand a manat once as beyond the pale of polite society. 

No point of social etiquette is quite so valuable as this one of speech. As one goes forth he is weighed in the balance and if he is found wantinghere he is quietly dropped by refined and cultured people, and nearlyalways he is left wondering why with his diamonds and his motors and hismoney he yet cannot find entree into the inner circles where he wouldmost like to be. Money does not buy everything. If it were possible forit to do so there would be no proverb to the effect that it takes threegenerations to make a gentleman. And the proverb itself is not more thanhalf true. If the attitude of mind is that of one who honestly wants todevelop himself to the highest possible point, mentally, morally, andspiritually, it can be done in much less than a single generation. Ofcourse, much depends upon one's definition of what constitutes agentleman but for the purpose of this book we mean a man of education, high principles, honor, courtesy, and kindness. 

 CONVERSATION

There is an old Italian proverb that says, "He who has a tongue in hishead can go all the world over. " But it is not enough merely to have atongue in one's head. That tongue must have a certain distinct appealbefore it becomes the weapon before which all the barriers of socialsuccess vanish. 

We have all heard the expression, "The magic power of words. " Is it amagic power? Or to be more explicit, is conversation an art or a gift?The answer must certainly be an art, for nature never gives that whichstudy accomplishes. And by study you can become a master of speech-youcan make words a veritable torch, illuminating you and your surroundings. But words alone mean very little. It is the grouping of words, expressions, phrases; the combination of thoughts that make realconversation. 

"In the beginning of the world, " said Xanthes, "primitive man wascontented to imitate the language of the animals. " But as we study theevolution of human nature, we find that man was not long content toimitate the sounds of the animals in the forests. He found the need toexpress himself, his sensations, his thoughts, in more definite andsatisfactory manner. He wanted to share his joys with his neighbors, andhe wanted to tell others about his sorrows. And so, nature in her wisejudgment, decreed that he should speak, and in his speech should conveyhis thoughts and ideas to those who listened. 

We do not think of these things to-day when we "chatter" aimlessly amongourselves, caring little whether or not we make the most of thatwonderful power bestowed upon us. Yes, speech is a power. It is a mosteffective weapon, not only to social success, but to the very success oflife, if one does not ignore the power of its influence. And that is thepurpose of the following paragraphs-to help you realize and profit by thepowers of speech and conversation. 

 THE CHARM OF CORRECT SPEECH

It is strange, but true, that the spirit of conversation is often moreimportant than the ideas expressed. This is especially true in socialcircles. Since speech is never used in solitude, we may take it forgranted that the spoken word is an expression of the longing for humansympathy. Thus, it is a great accomplishment to be able to enter gentlyand agreeably into the moods and feelings of others, and to cultivate thefeelings of sympathy and kindness. 

Early in the seventeenth century the /causerie/ (chat) was highlyesteemed in France. This was a meeting, at the Hotel Rambouillet, of thegreat nobles, literary people, and intelligent and brilliant women ofFrance, gathered together for the definite purpose of conversation--of"chatting. " Among these people, representing the highest intellectualclass in France at the time, there developed the taste for dailytalks-the tendency of which was toward profound, refined and elegantintercourse according to the standards of that day, and the criticismsoffered by the members had a certain influence on the manners andliterature of the epoch. 

Many years have passed since those days of harmonious gatherings, but wemention them here to draw the comparison between those delightfulgatherings of long ago, and our own drawing-rooms and social circleswhere brilliant men and women gather and converse on topics of immediateinterest. If one has imagination, a striking similarity can be noticedbetween the two. 

There is a certain charm in correct speech, a certain beauty in correctconversation. And it is well worth striving for. 

 COURTESY IN CONVERSATION

A Crow Indian once said to Dr. Lowie, "You Whites show no respect to yoursisters. You talk to them. " Other instances of how respect and courtesycan be shown in conversation, is found in the traditions and present-daypractices of other countries. 

In China, for instance, a young man will not introduce into conversation, a topic which has not already been touched upon by his elders. On theFiji Islands, a woman does not talk to her mother-in-law, and among theSioux, a young man does not talk at all unless someone else addresseshim. These signs of courtesy in conversation have a certain distinctsignificance in the countries where they are practiced. 

Courtesy is the very foundation of all good conversation. Good speechconsists as much in listening politely as in talking agreeably. Someonehas said, very wisely, "A talker who monopolizes the conversation is bycommon consent insufferable, and a man who regulates his choice of topicsby reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has yet tolearn the alphabet of the art. " To be agreeable in conversation, one mustfirst learn the law of talking just enough, of listening politely whileothers speak, and of speaking of that in which one's companions are mostinterested. 

There was a time when bluntness of manner was excused on the ground thatthe speaker was candid, frank, outspoken. People used to pridethemselves upon the fact that in their conversation they had spoken thetruth-and hurt some one. To-day there are certain recognized courtesiesof speech, and kindliness has taken the place of candidness. There is nolonger any excuse for you to say things in your conversation that willcause discomfort or pain to any one of your hearers. 

One should never interrupt unless there is a good reason for it and thenit should be done with apologies. It is not courteous to ask a greatmany questions and personal ones are always taboo. One should be carefulnot to use over and over and over again the same words and phrases andone should not fall in the habit of asking people to repeat theirremarks. Argument should be avoided and contradicting is alwaysdiscourteous. When it seems that a heated disagreement is about to ensueit is wise tactfully to direct the conversation into other channels assoon as it can be done without too abrupt a turn, for to jerk the talkfrom one topic to another for the obvious purpose of "switching someoneoff the track" is in itself very rude. 

Let your proverb be, "Talk well, but not too much. "

 THE VOICE

Ruskin said, "Vulgarity is indicated by coarseness of language. " Bylanguage he meant not only words and phrases, but coarseness of voice. There can be nothing more characteristic of good breeding than a soft, well modulated, pleasing voice. This quotation from Demosthenes is onlyanother way of saying it: "As a vessel is known by the sound whether itis cracked or not, so men are proved by their speeches whether they bewise or foolish. "

Conversation should be lively without noise. It is not well-bred to bedemonstrative in action while speaking, to talk loudly, or to laughboisterously. Conversation should have less emphasis, and morequietness, more dignified calmness. Some of us are so eager, in ourdetermination to be agreeable in conversation, to dominate the entireroom with our voice, that we forget the laws of good conduct. And wewonder why people consider us bores. 

Don't be afraid to open your mouth when you talk. First know what youwant to say, be sure that it is worth saying, and then say it calmly, confidently, /through your mouth/ and not through your nose. Too manypeople talk through tightly closed teeth and then wonder why people don'tunderstand them. Enunciate clearly and give to your vowels andconsonants the proper resonance. 

Another mistake to avoid is rapid speaking. To talk slowly anddeliberately, is to enhance the pleasure and beauty of the conversation. Rapidity in speech results in indistinctness, and indistinctness leadsinvariably to monotony. 

 EASE IN SPEECH

There are two languages of speech-voice and gesture. Voice appeals tothe ear, gesture to the eye. It is an agreeable combination of the twothat makes conversation pleasant. 

"A really well-bred man, " a writer once said, "would speak to all kingsin the world with as little concern and as much ease as he would speak toyou. " Confusion is the enemy of eloquence. Self-restraint must bedeveloped before one can hope to be either a good conversationalist or asocial success. To create a pleasant, harmonious atmosphere, and at thesame time to make one's ideas carry conviction, one must talk with easeand calm assurance. 

Try to be naturally courteous and cordial in your speech. It is amistake to "wear your feelings on your sleeve" and resent everything thateveryone else says that does not please you. To become quickly excited, to speak harshly and sarcastically is to sacrifice one's dignity and easeof manner. Know what you want to say, be sure you understand it, andwhen you say it, be open for criticisms or suggestions from those aroundyou. Do not become flustered and excited merely because someone elsedoes not agree with you. Remember that Homer said, "The tongue speakswisely when the soul is wise, " and surely the soul can be wise only whenone is entirely calm, self-confident and at peace with all the world!

 LOCAL PHRASES AND MANNERISMS

It is not always easy to drop the local phrases, colloquial expressionsand mannerisms to which one has been accustomed for a long time. Yetgood society does not tolerate these errors in speech. For they areerrors, according to the standards of educated men and women. 

To use such phrases as "How was that" when you mean "What was that" or"How's things" when you mean "How are you" are provincialisms which haveno place in the cultured drawing-room. One must drop all bad habits ofspeech before claiming the "good English which is a passport into goodsociety. "

Mannerisms in speech are evident in nasal expression and muffled words, spoken through half-closed teeth. We were not meant to speak in thatunbeautiful manner, nor were we meant to gesticulate wildly as some ofour drawing-room orators persist in doing-to the amusement of everyoneelse concerned. When you enter the world of good society, drop all yourcolloquial phrases and mannerisms behind. 

 IMPORTANCE OF VOCABULARY

Simple expression has the same advantage over flowery language as asimple and artistic room has over a room filled with gaudy, inharmoniousembellishments. One is effective, the other defective. And yet toexpress ideas simply and correctly, with a regard for polish and poise, one must have a good command of the language. 

Make a resolve, right now, that you will never use a foreign word whenyou can give its meaning in English. And also determine now, definitely, that no matter how popular slang becomes in the less refined circles ofsociety, you will never use it because you know that it is the badge ofvulgarity. There is nothing quite as beautiful as good, simple English, when it is spoken correctly. 

To know the right word in the right place, to know its correctpronunciation and spelling, there is nothing more valuable than a goodstandard dictionary. If you haven't one-a new revised edition-get oneright away. You can not hope to become a pleasing conversationalistuntil you own and use a good dictionary. 

An excellent way to increase your vocabulary and perfect your speech isto talk less, and listen politely while others lead the conversation. There's a lot of truth in that old maxim, "Speech is silver, but silenceis gold!"

 INTERRUPTING THE SPEECH OF OTHERS

It was mentioned previously that the Sioux youth does not speak until heis first spoken to. This is also true of the young Armenian woman. Shewould be horrified at the idea of addressing a woman older than herself, unless first spoken to. Many other countries observe these courtesies ofspeech, with a wholesome effect upon the general culture of the people. 

How often, here in our own country, even in the most highly cultivatedsociety, do we hear a man or woman carelessly interrupt the conversationof another, perhaps an older person, without so much as an apology! It isbad form, to say the least, but it is also distinctly rude. No person ofgood breeding will interrupt the conversation of another no matter howstartling and remarkable an idea he may have. It will be just asstartling and remarkable a few minutes later, and the speaker will havegained poise and confidence in the time that he waits for the chance tospeak. 

Whispering in company is another bad habit that must be avoided. Thedrawing-room or reception room is no place for personal secrets or hiddenbits of gossip. The man or woman commits a serious breach in goodconduct by drawing one or two persons aside and whispering something tothem. 

 TACT IN CONVERSATION

Be careful not to give too strong an expression of your likes anddislikes. To master this important point of speech, it is wise toexamine carefully and frankly all your opinions before expressing them inwords. It is necessary that you understand yourself, before you are ableto make others understand you. 

In carrying on a conversation in a public place be sure to keep the voicemodulated and do not mention the names of people about whom you aretalking in such a way that anyone overhearing the conversation by chancecould identify them. It is best to avoid all personal talk when one isin public. 

The person who is always trying to set other people right does not usetact. If they wanted assistance, they would probably ask. People aresensitive, and they do not like to have their shortcomings commented uponby others. 

Ask questions only if you are gifted with great tact. Otherwise you arebound to create embarrassing situations. If you do ask questions, makethem of a general character, rather than personal. But never be curious, because people resent inquisitiveness--and rightly so, for it is a veryundesirable trait to have, and each person has a right to privacy. 

Never talk for mere talking's sake. Speak only when you have somethingto say, and then talk quietly, deliberately and with sincerity. Nevercriticize, antagonize or moralize and your company will be sought byeveryone. 

 SOME IMPORTANT INFORMATION

If you mumble over your words and have difficulty in pronouncing clearly, you will find it a great help to talk very slowly and take deep breathsbetween each two or three words. For stammering, deep breathing is alsosuggested before uttering the words upon which one is most likely to cometo grief. 

Self-consciousness is the result of exaggerated humility. If youconcentrate upon what you are saying, and forget all about how you aresaying it, you will forget your shyness. Respect yourself, haveconfidence in yourself-and nervousness and shyness in conversation willvanish. 

Lisping is a matter of defective speech, and although reading aloud anddramatic recitations help, it is best to consult a specialist if ordinarymethods fail to prevent it. Such habits as hesitation, coughing, orgroping for a word, are often forms of nervousness and a littlewill-power exerted in the right direction may easily control them. 

Above all, be simple and be sincere. Let interest in your subject lendanimation to your face and manner. Do not attempt to make yourselfappear brilliant and inspired, for you will only succeed in makingyourself ridiculous. Be modest, pleasant, agreeable and sympathetic, andyou will find that you win the immediate response of your audience, whether it consists of two people or two hundred people. 

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT

In this beautiful country, filled with charming woodland scenes, landmarks of interest, museums, schools, monuments, libraries, there isno excuse for the man or woman who finds that he or she has "nothing totalk about. " In the newspapers every day, in books, plays, operas, evenin the advertisements and posters, there is material for interestingconversation. 

Try it the next time you meet some friends and you find that conversationlags. Talk about something, anything, until you get started. Talk aboutthe sunset you saw last night, or the little crippled boy who was sellingnewspapers. As long as it is something with a touch of human interest init, and if you tell it with the desire to please rather than impress, your audience will be interested in your conversation. But to remainquiet, answering only when you are spoken to, and allowing conversationto die each time it reaches you, is a feature of conduct belonging onlyto the ignorant and dull. There are many pleasant and agreeable thingsto talk about-argument and discussion have no place in the socialdrawing-room-and there is no reason why /you/ cannot find them and makeuse of them. 

If you are forgetful, and somewhat shy in the company of others, it mightbe well to jot down and commit to memory any interesting bit ofinformation or news that you feel would be worthy of repetition. It maybe an interesting little story, or a clever repartee, or some amusingincident-but whatever it is, {pls. Check orig for next word}make theappeal general. It is a mistake to talk only about those things thatinterest you; when Matthew Arnold was once asked what his favorite topicfor conversation was, he answered, "That in which my companion is mostinterested. "

Make that your ideal, and you can hardly help becoming an agreeable andpleasing conversationalist.