Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Astounding ScienceFiction, January, 1960. Extensive research did not reveal any evidencethat the U. S. Copyright on this publication was renewed. 

Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialectspellings, contractions and discrepancies have been retained. 

[Illustration]

ATTENTION SAINT PATRICK

By

MURRAY LEINSTER(Pseudonym of William Fitzgerald Jenkins)

Illustrated by Bernklau

_Legends do, of course, get somewhat distorted in the passage oftime. In the future, the passage across space to other planets maycause a slight modification here and there . .. _

President O'Hanrahan of the planetary government of Eire listenedunhappily to his official guest. He had to, because Sean O'Donohue waschairman of the Dail--of Eire on Earth--Committee on the Condition ofthe Planet Eire. He could cut off all support from the still-strugglingcolony if he chose. He was short and opinionated, he had sharp, gimleteyes, he had bristling white hair that once had been red, and he wasthe grandfather of Moira O'Donohue, who'd traveled to Eire with him ona very uncomfortable spaceship. That last was a mark in his favor, butnow he stood four-square upon the sagging porch of the presidentialmansion of Eire, and laid down the law. 

"I've been here three days. " he told the president sternly, while hisgranddaughter looked sympathetic, "and I'm of the opinion that there'sbeen shenanigans goin' on to keep this fine world from becoming' what itwas meant for--a place for the people of Eire on Earth to emigrate towhen there was more of them than Erin has room for. Which is now!"

"We've had difficulties----" began the president uneasily. 

"This world should be ready!" snapped Sean O'Donohue accusingly. "Itshould be waitin' for the Caseys and Bradys and Fitzpatricks and otherfine Erse people to move to and thrive on while the rest of the galaxygoes to pot with its new-fangled notions. That's the reason for thisworld's very existence. What set aside Erin on Earth, where ourancestors lived an' where their descendants are breathin' down eachother's necks because there's so many of them? There was no snakesthere! St. Patrick drove them out. What sets this world apart from allthe other livable planets men have put down their smelly spaceships on?There's no snakes here! St. Patrick has great influence up in Heaven. He knew his fine Erse people would presently need more room than therewas on Earth for them. So he'd a world set aside, and marked by thesign that no least trace of a serpent could exist on it. No creaturelike the one that blarneyed Mother Eve could be here! No----"

"Our trouble's been dinies, " began the president apologetically. 

But he froze. Something dark and sinuous and complacent oozed aroundthe corner of the presidential mansion. The president of Eire sweated. He recognized the dark object. He'd believed it safely put away inpleasant confinement until the Dail Committee went away. But it wasn't. It was Timothy, the amiable six-foot black snake who faithfully andcordially did his best to keep the presidential mansion from fallingdown. Without him innumerable mouse-sized holes, gnawed by mouse-sizeddinies, would assuredly have brought about its collapse. The presidentwas grateful, but he'd meant to keep Timothy out of sight. Timothy musthave escaped and as a faithful snake, loyal to his duty, he'd wriggledstraight back to the presidential mansion. 

Like all Eire, he undoubtedly knew of the pious tradition that St. Patrick had brought the snakes to Eire, and he wasn't one to let St. Patrick down. So he'd returned and doubtless patrolled all the dinytunnels in the sagging structure. He'd cleaned out any miniature, dinosaurlike creatures who might be planning to eat some more nails. Henow prepared to nap, with a clear conscience. But if Sean O'Donohue sawhim--!

Perspiration stood out on President O'Hanrahan's forehead. The dropletsjoined and ran down his nose. 

"It's evident, " said the chairman of the Dail Committee, withtruculence, "that we're a pack of worthless, finagling' and maybe evenProtestant renegades from the ways an' the traditions of your fathers!There is been shenanigans goin' on! I'll find 'em!"

The president could not speak, with Timothy in full view. But then whatwas practically a miracle took place. A diny popped out of a hole inthe turf. He looked interestedly about. He was all of three incheslong, with red eyes and a blue tail, and in every proportion he was aminiature of the extinct dinosaurs of Earth. But he was an improvedmodel. The dinies of Eire were fitted by evolution--or Satan--to plaguehuman settlers. They ate their crops, destroyed their homes, devouredtheir tools, and when other comestibles turned up they'd take care ofthem, too. 

This diny surveyed its surroundings. The presidential mansion lookedpromising. The diny moved toward it. But Timothy--nap plansabandoned--flung himself at the diny like the crack of a whip. The dinyplunged back into its hole. Timothy hurtled after it in pursuit. Hedisappeared. 

The president of Eire breathed. He'd neglected that matter for someminutes, it seemed. He heard a voice continuing, formidably:

"And I know ye'll try to hide the shenanigans that've destroyed all thesacrifices Earth's made to have Eire a true Erse colony, ready for Erselads and colleens to move to and have room for their children and theirgrandchildren too. I know ye'll try! But unless I do find out--notanother bit of help will this colony get from Earth! No more tools! Nomore machinery that ye can't have worn out! No more provisions that yeshould be raisin' for yourselves! Your cold-storage plant should bebulgin' with food! It's near empty! It will not be refilled! And eventhe ship that we pay to have stop here every three months, for mail--noship!"

"It's the dinies, " said the president feebly. "They're a great troubleto us, sir. They're our great handicap. "

"Blather and nonsense!" snapped Sean O'Donohue. "They're no bigger thanmice! Ye could've trapped 'em! Ye could've raised cats! Don't tell methat fancy-colored little lizards could hinder a world especially setaside by the intercession of St. Patrick for the Erse people to thriveon! The token's plain! There's no snakes! And with such a sign to goby, there must've been shenanigans goin' on to make things go wrong!And till those shenanigans are exposed an' stopped--there'll be no morehelp from Earth for ye blaggards!"

He stamped his way into the presidential mansion. The door slammedshut. Moira, his granddaughter, regarded the president with sympathy. He looked bedraggled and crushed. He mopped his forehead. He did notraise his eyes to her. It was bad enough to be president of a planetarygovernment that couldn't even pay his salary, so there were patches inhis breeches that Moira must have noticed. It was worse that the colonywas, as a whole, entirely too much like the remaining shanty areas inEire back on Earth. But it was tragic that it was ridiculous for anyman on Eire to ask a girl from Earth to join him on so unpromising aplanet. 

He said numbly:

"I'll be wishing you good morning, Moira. "

He moved away, his chin sunk on his breast. Moira watched him go. Shedidn't seem happy. Then, fifty yards from the mansion, a luridlycolored something leaped out of a hole. It was a diny some eight incheslong, in enough of a hurry to say that something appalling was afterit. It landed before the president and took off again for some farhorizon. Then something sinuous and black dropped out of a tree upon itand instantly violent action took place in a patch of dust. A smallcloud arose. The president watched, with morbid interest, as thesporting event took place. 

Moira stared, incredulous. Then, out of the hole from which the dinyhad leaped, a dark round head appeared. It could have been Timothy. Buthe saw that this diny was disposed of. That was that. Timothy--if itwas Timothy--withdrew to search further among diny tunnels about thepresidential mansion. 

 * * * * *

Half an hour later the president told the solicitor general of Eireabout it. He was bitter. 

"And when it was over, there was Moira starin' dazed-like from theporch, and the be-damned snake picked up the diny it'd killed andstarted off to dine on it in private. But I was in the way. So thesnake waited, polite, with the diny in its mouth, for me to move on. But it looked exactly like he'd brought over the diny for me to admire, like a cat'll show dead mice to a person she thinks will beinterested!"

"Holy St. Patrick!" said the solicitor general, appalled. "What'llhappen now?"

"I reason, " said the president morbidly, "she'll tell her grandfather, and he'll collar somebody and use those gimlet eyes on him and the poor_omadhoum_ will blurt out that on Eire here it's known that St. Patrickbrought the snakes and is the more reverenced for it. And that'll meanthere'll be no more ships or food or tools from Earth, and it'll belucky if we're evacuated before the planet's left abandoned. "

The solicitor general's expression became one of pure hopelessness. 

"Then the jig's up, " he said gloomily. "I'm thinkin', Mr. President, we'd better have a cabinet meeting on it. "

"What's the use, " demanded the president. "I won't leave! I'll stayhere, alone though I may be. There's nothing left in life for meanywhere, but at least, as the only human left on Eire I'll be able tospend the rest of my years knockin' dinies on the head for what they'vedone!" Then, suddenly, he bellowed. "Who let loose the snakes! I'llhave his heart's blood----"

 * * * * *

The Chancellor of the Exchequer peered around the edge of the door intothe cabinet meeting room. He saw the rest of the cabinet of Eireassembled. Relieved, he entered. Something stirred in his pocket and hepulled out a reproachful snake. He said:

"Don't be indignant, now! You were walkin' on the public street. IfSean O'Donohue had seen you----" He added to the other members of thecabinet: "The other two members of the Dail Committee seem to be good, honest, drinkin' men. One of them now--the shipbuilder I think itwas--wanted a change of scenery from lookin' at the bottom of a glass. I took him for a walk. I showed him a bunch of dinies playin' leapfrogtryin' to get one of their number up to a rain spout so he could biteoff pieces and drop 'em down to the rest. They were all colors and itwas quite somethin' to look at. The committeeman--good man that heis!--staggered a bit and looked again and said grave that whatever ofevil might be said of Eire, nobody could deny that its whisky hadimagination!"

He looked about the cabinet room. There was a hole in the baseboardunderneath the sculptured coat of arms of the colony world. He put thesnake down on the floor beside the hole. With an air of offendeddignity, the snake slithered into the dark opening. 

"Now--what's the meeting for?" he demanded. "I'll tell you immediatethat if money's required it's impractical. "

President O'Hanrahan said morbidly:

"'Twas called, it seems, to put the curse o' Cromwell on whoever letthe black snakes loose. But they'd been cooped up, and they knew theywere not keepin' the dinies down, and they got worried over the workthey were neglectin'. So they took turns diggin', like prisoners in apenitentiary, and presently they broke out and like the faithfulcreatures they are they set anxious to work on their backlog ofdiny-catchin'. Which they're doin'. They've ruined us entirely, butthey meant well. "

The minister of Information asked apprehensively: "What will O'Donohuedo when he finds out they're here?"

"He's not found out--yet, " said the president without elation. "Moiradidn't tell him. She's an angel! But he's bound to learn. And then ifhe doesn't detonate with the rage in him, he'll see to it that all ofus are murdered--slowly, for treason to the Erse and blasphemy directedat St. Patrick. " Then the president said with a sort of yearning pride:"D'ye know what Moira offered to do? She said she'd taken biology atcollege, and she'd try to solve the problem of the dinies. Thedarlin'!"

"Bein' gathered together, " observed the chief justice, "we might aswell try again to think of somethin' plausible. "

"We need a good shenanigan, " agreed the president unhappily. "But whatcould it be? Has anybody the trace of an idea?"

The cabinet went into session. The trouble was, of course, that theErse colony on Eire was a bust. The first colonists built houses, brokeground, planted crops--and encountered dinies. Large ones, fifty andsixty feet long, with growing families. They had thick bodies withunlikely bony excrescences, they had long necks which ended in veryimprobable small heads, and they had long tapering tails which wouldknock over a man or a fence post or the corner of a house, impartially, if they happened to swing that way. They were not bright. 

That they ate the growing crops might be expected, though cursed. Butthey ate wire fences. The colonists at first waited for them to die ofindigestion. But they digested the fences. Then between bales of morenormal foodstuffs they browsed on the corrugated-iron roofs of houses. Again the colonists vengefully expected dyspepsia. They digested theroofs, too. Presently the lumbering creatures nibbled at axes--theheads, not the handles. They went on to the plows. When they gatheredsluggishly about a ground-car and began to lunch on it, the colonistsdid not believe. But it was true. 

The dinies' teeth weren't mere calcium phosphate, like other beasts. Anamateur chemist found out that they were an organically deposited boroncarbide, which is harder than any other substance but crystallizedcarbon--diamond. In fact, diny teeth, being organic, seemed to be anespecially hard form of boron carbide. Dinies could chew iron. Theycould masticate steel. They could grind up and swallow anything buttool-steel reinforced with diamond chips. The same amateur chemistworked it out that the surface soil of the planet Eire was deficient iniron and ferrous compounds. The dinies needed iron. They got it. 

 * * * * *

The big dinies were routed by burning torches in the hands of angrycolonists. When scorched often enough, their feeble brains gathered theidea that they were unwelcome. They went lumbering away. 

They were replaced by lesser dinies, approximately the size ofkangaroos. They also ate crops. They also hungered for iron. To themsteel cables were the equivalent of celery, and they ate iron pipe asif it were spaghetti. The industrial installations of the colony weretheir special targets. The colonists unlimbered guns. They shot thedinies. Ultimately they seemed to thin out. But once a month wasshoot-a-diny day on Eire, and the populace turned out to clear theenvirons of their city of Tara. 

Then came the little dinies. Some were as small as two inches inlength. Some were larger. All were cute. Colonists' children wanted tomake pets of them until it was discovered that miniature they might be, but harmless they were not. Tiny diny-teeth, smaller than the heads ofpins, were still authentic boron carbide. Dinies kept as pets cheerilygnawed away wood and got at the nails of which their boxes were made. They ate the nails. 

Then, being free, they extended their activities. They and theirfriends tunneled busily through the colonists' houses. They ate nails. They ate screws. They ate bolts, nuts, the nails out of shoes, pocketknives and pants buttons, zippers, wire staples and the tacks out ofupholstery. Gnawing even threads and filings of metal away, they madevisible gaps in the frames and moving parts of farm tractors. 

Moreover, it appeared that their numbers previously had been held downby the paucity of ferrous compounds in their regular diet. The lack ledto a low birth rate. Now, supplied with great quantities of iron bytheir unremitting industry, they were moved to prodigies ofmultiplication. 

The chairman of the Dail Committee on the Condition of the Planet Eirehad spoken of them scornfully as equal to mice. They were much worse. The planetary government needed at least a pied piper or two, but ittried other measures. It imported cats. Descendants of the felines ofEarth still survived, but one had only to look at their frustrated, neurotic expressions to know that they were failures. The governmentset traps. The dinies ate their springs and metal parts. It offeredbounties for dead dinies. But the supply of dinies was inexhaustible, and the supply of money was not. It had to be stopped. 

Then upon the spaceport of Eire a certain Captain Patrick Brannicut, ofBoston, Earth, descended. It was his second visit to Eire. On the firsthe'd learned of the trouble. On his second he brought what still seemedthe most probable solution. He landed eighteen hundred adult blacksnakes, two thousand teen-agers of the same species, and two crates ofsoft-shelled eggs he guaranteed to hatch into fauna of the same kind. He took away all the cash on the planet. The government was desperate. 

But the snakes chased dinies with enthusiasm. They pounced upondinies while the public watched. They lay in wait for dinies, theypublicly digested dinies, and they went pouring down into any smallhole in the ground from which a diny had appeared or into which onevanished. They were superior to traps. They did not have to be set oremptied. They did not need bait. They were self-maintaining and evenself-reproducing--except that snakes when overfed tend to be lessromantic than when hungry. In ten years a story began--encouraged bythe Ministry of Information--to the effect that St. Patrick hadbrought the snakes to Eire, and it was certain that if they didn'twipe out the dinies, they assuredly kept the dinies from wiping outthe colony. And the one hope of making Eire into a splendid newcenter of Erse culture and tradition--including a reverence for St. Patrick--lay in the belief that some day the snakes would gain apermanent upper hand. 

Out near the spaceport there was an imported monument to St. Patrick. It showed him pointing somewhere with his bishop's staff, while lookingdown at a group of snakes near his feet. The sculptor intended toportray St. Patrick telling the snakes to get the hell out of Eire. Buton Eire it was sentimentally regarded as St. Patrick telling the snakesto go increase and multiply. 

But nobody dared tell that to Sean O'Donohue! It was past history, in away, but also it was present fact. On the day of the emergency cabinetmeeting it was appalling fact. Without snakes the planet Eire could notcontinue to be inhabited, because of the little dinies. But theRepublic of Eire on Earth would indignantly disown any colony that hadsnakes in it. And the colony wasn't ready yet to be self-supporting. The cabinet discussed the matter gloomily. They were too dispirited todo more. But Moira--the darlin'--did research. 

It was strictly college-freshman-biology-lab research. It didn'tpromise much, even to her. But it gave her an excuse to talk anxiouslyand hopefully to the president when he took the Dail Committee toMcGillicuddy Island to look at the big dinies there, while the populacetried to get the snakes out of sight again. 

 * * * * *

Most of the island lay two miles off the continent named for CountyKerry back on Earth. At one point a promontory lessened the distancegreatly, and at one time there'd been a causeway there. It had beenbuilt with great pains, and with pains destroyed. 

The president explained as the boat bearing the committee neared theisland. 

"The big dinies, " he said sadly, "trampled the fences and houses andate up the roofs and tractors. It could not be borne. They could bedriven away with torches, but they came back. They could be killed, butthe people could only dispose of so many tons of carcasses. Remember, the big males run sixty feet long, and the most girlish females runforty. You wouldn't believe the new-hatched babies! They were a greattrial, in the early days!"

[Illustration]

Sean O'Donohue snorted. He bristled. He and the other two of thecommittee had been dragged away from the city of Tara. He suspectedshenanigans going on behind his back. They did. His associates lookedbleary-eyed. They'd been treated cordially, and they were notimpassioned leaders of the Erse people, like the O'Donohue. One of themwas a ship builder and the other a manufacturer of precision machinery, elected to the Dail for no special reason. They'd come on this junketpartly to get away from their troubles and their wives. The shortage ofhigh-precision tools was a trouble to both of them, but they wereforgetting it fully. 

"So the causeway was built, " explained President O'Hanrahan. "We drovethe big beasts over, and rounded up all we could find--drivin' themwith torches--and then we broke down the causeway. So there they are onMcGillicuddy Island. They don't swim. "

The boat touched ground--a rocky, uninviting shore. The solicitorgeneral and the Chancellor of the Exchequer hopped ashore. Theyassisted the committee members to land. They moved on. The presidentstarted to follow but Moira said anxiously:

"Wait a bit. I've something to tell you. I . .. Said I'd experiment withthe dinies. I did. I learned something. "

"Did you now?" asked the president. His tone was at once admiration anddespair. "It's a darlin' you are, Moira, but----"

"I . .. Wondered how they knew where iron was, " said Moira hopefully, "and I found out. They smell it. "

"Ah, they do, do they!" said the president with tender reverence. "ButI have to tell you, Moira, that----"

"And I proved it!" said Moira, searching his face with her eyes. "Ifyou change a stimulus and a specimen reacts, then its reaction is tothe change. So I made the metal smell stronger. "

President O'Hanrahan blinked at her. 

"I . .. Heated it, " said Moira. "You know how hot metal smells. I heateda steel hairpin and the dinies came out of holes in the wall, rightaway! The smell drew them. It was astonishing!"

The president looked at her with a strange expression. 

"That's . .. That's all I had time to try, " said Moira. "It wasyesterday afternoon. There was an official dinner. I had to go. Youremember! So I locked up the dinies----"

"Moira darlin', " said President O'Hanrahan gently, "you don't lock updinies. They gnaw through steel safes. They make tunnels and nests inelectric dynamos. You don't lock up dinies, darlin'!"

"But I did!" she insisted. "They're still locked up. I looked justbefore we started for here!"

The president looked at her very unhappily. 

"There's no need for shenanigans between us, Moira!" Then he said:"Couldn't ye be mistaken? Keepin' dinies locked up is like bottlin'moonlight or writin' down the color of Moira O'Donohue's eyes or----"He stopped. "How did ye do it?"

"The way you keep specimens, " she told him. "When I was in college wedid experiments on frogs. They're cold-blooded just like dinies. If youlet them stay lively, they'll wear themselves out trying to get away. So you put them in a refrigerator. In the vegetable container. Theydon't freeze there, but they do . .. Get torpid. They just lay stilltill you let them warm up again. To room temperature. "

The president of the planet Eire stared. His mouth dropped open. Heblinked and blinked and blinked. Then he whooped. He reached forwardand took Moira into his arms. He kissed her thoroughly. 

"Darlin'!" he said in a broken voice. "Sit still while I drive thisboat back to the mainland! I've to get back to Tara immediate! You'vedone it, my darlin', you've done it, and it's a great day for theIrish! It's even a great day for the Erse! It's your birthday will be aplanetary holiday long after we're married and our grandchildren thinkI'm as big a nuisance as your grandfather Sean O'Donohue! It's a finegrand marriage we'll be havin'----"

He kissed her again and whirled the boat about and sent it streakingfor the mainland. From time to time he whooped. Rather more frequently, he hugged Moira exuberantly. And she tended to look puzzled, but shedefinitely looked pleased. 

 * * * * *

Behind them, of course, the Committee of the Dail on the Condition ofthe Planet Eire explored McGillicuddy Island. They saw the bigdinies--sixty-footers and fifty-footers and lesser ones. The diniesambled aimlessly about the island. Now and again they reached up onelongated, tapering necks with incongruously small heads on them, tosnap off foliage that looked a great deal like palm leaves. Now andagain, without enthusiasm, one of them stirred the contents of variousgreen-scummed pools and apparently extracted some sort of nourishmentfrom it. They seemed to have no intellectual diversions. They were notinterested in the visitors, but one of the committee members--notMoira's grandfather--shivered a little. 

"I've dreamed about them, " he said plaintively, "but even when I wasdreamin' I didn't believe it!"

Two youthful dinies--they would weigh no more than a couple of tonsapiece--engaged in languid conflict. They whacked each other with blowswhich would have destroyed elephants. But they weren't reallyinterested. One of them sat down and looked bored. The other sat down. Presently, reflectively, he gnawed at a piece of whitish rock. Thegnawing made an excruciating sound. It made one's flesh crawl. The dinydozed off. His teeth had cut distinct, curved grooves in the stone. Themanufacturer of precision machinery--back on Earth--turned pale. 

"L-let's get out of here!"

The committee and the two members of the cabinet returned to the shore. There was no boat. It was far away, headed for the mainland. 

"Shenanigans!" said Sean O'Donohue in a voice that would have curdledsulphuric acid. "I warned him no shenanigans! The dirty youngbog-trotter's left us here to be eaten up by the beasts!"

The solicitor general said hastily: "Divvil a bit of it, sir. We're hisfriends and he left us in the same boat--no, he left us out of the sameboat. It must've been that something important occurred to him----"

But it was not convincing. It seemed highly unconvincing, later, because some long-delayed perception produced a reaction in the dinies'minuscule brains. They became aware of their visitors. They appeared, in a slow-motion fashion, to become interested in them. Slowly, heavily, numbly, they congregated about them--the equivalent of a herdof several hundred elephants of all the colors of the rainbow, withsmall heads wearing plaintive but persistent expressions. Long necksreached out hopefully. 

"The devil!" said the Chancellor of the Exchequer, fretfully. "I'm justthinkin'. You've iron in your shoes and mainsprings in your watches andmaybe pocket knives in your pockets. The dinies have a longin' foriron, and they go after it. They'll eat anything in the world that'sgot the barest bit of a taste of iron in it! Oh, it's perfectly allright, of course, but ye'll have to throw stones at them till the boatcomes back. Better, find a good stout stick to whack them with. Onlydon't let 'em get behind ye!"

"Ye will?" roared the solicitor general, vengefully. "Take that!"_Whack!_ "Tryin' to take somethin' out of the gentleman's hip pocketan' aimin' to grab the rump beyond it just to make sure!"

_Whack!_ A large head moved plaintively away. But another reachedhopefully forward, and another. The dinies were not bright. The threecommitteemen and two members of the cabinet were thigh-deep in waterwhen the boat came back. They still whacked valorously if wearily atintrusive diny heads. They still had made no progress in implanting theidea that the dinies should go away. 

The men from the mainland hauled them into the boat. They admitted thatthe president had returned to Tara. Sean O'Donohue concluded that hehad gone back to supervise some shenanigans. He had. On the way to themainland Sean O'Donohue ground his teeth. On arrival he learned thatthe president had taken Moira with him. He ground his teeth. "Shenanigans!" he cried hoarsely. "After him!" He stamped his feet. Hisfury was awe-inspiring. When the ground-car drivers started back toTara, Sean O'Donohue was a small, rigid embodiment of raging death anddestruction held only temporarily in leash. 

On the way, even his companions of the committee were uneasy. But oneof them, now and again, brought out a small piece of whitish rock andregarded it incredulously. It was not an unusual kind of rock. It wasordinary milky quartz. But it had tooth marks on it. Some diny, at sometime, had gnawed casually upon it as if it were soft as cheese. 

 * * * * *

Faint cheering could be heard in the distance as the ground-carscarrying the committee neared the city of Tara. To those in thevehicles, it seemed incredible that anybody should dare to rejoicewithin at least two light-years of Sean O'Donohue as he was at thismoment. But the cheering continued. It grew louder as the cars entereda street where houses stood side by side. But there came a change inthe chairman of the Dail Committee, too. 

The cars slowed because the pavement was bad to nonexistent. Treeslined the way. An overhanging branch passed within two yards of Moira'sgrandfather. Something hung on it in a sort of graceful drapery. It wasa black snake. On Eire! Sean O'Donohue saw it. It took no notice ofhim. It hung comfortably in the tree and looked with great interesttoward the sounds of enthusiasm. 

The deathly pallor of Sean O'Donohue changed to pale lavender. He sawanother black snake. It was climbing down a tree trunk with apurposeful air, as if intending to look into the distant uproar. Theground-cars went on, and the driver of the lead car swervedautomatically to avoid two black snakes moving companionably alongtogether toward the cheering. One of them politely gave the ground-carextra room, but paid no other attention to it. Sean O'Donohue turnedpurple. 

Yet another burst of cheering. The chairman of the Dail Committeealmost, but not quite, detonated like a fission bomb. The way ahead wasblocked by people lining the way on a cross street. The cars beeped, and nobody heard them. With stiff, jerky motions Sean O'Donohue got outof the enforcedly stopped car. It had seemed that he could be no moreincensed, but he was. Within ten feet of him a matronly black snakemoved along the sidewalk with a manner of such assurance and suchimpeccable respectability that it would have seemed natural for her tobe carrying a purse. 

Sean O'Donohue gasped once. His face was then a dark purple. He marchedblindly into the mob of people before him. Somehow, the people of Taragave way. But the sides of this cross street were crowded. Not only wasall the population out and waiting to cheer, but the trees wereoccupied. By black snakes. They hung in tasteful draperies among thebranches, sometimes two or three together. They gazed with intenseinterest at the scene below them. The solicitor general, following SeanO'Donohue, saw a black snake wriggling deftly between the legs of thepacked populace--packed as if to observe a parade--to get a view fromthe very edge of the curb. The Chancellor of the Exchequer cameapprehensively behind the solicitor general. 

Sean O'Donohue burst through the ranks of onlookers. He stalked outonto the empty center of the street. He looked neither to right norleft. He was headed for the presidential mansion, there to stranglePresident O'Hanrahan in the most lingering possible manner. 

But there came a roar of rejoicing which penetrated even hissingle-tracked, murder-obsessed brain. He turned, purple-face andexplosive, to see what the obscene sound could mean. 

He saw. The lean and lanky figure of the chief justice of the supremecourt of the Planet Eire came running down the street toward him. Hebore a large slab of sheet-iron. 

As he ran, he played upon it the blue flame of a welding torch. Thesmell of hot metal diffused behind him. The chief justice ran like adeer. But he wasn't leaving anything behind but the smell. Everythingelse was close on his heels. 

A multicolored, multitudinous, swarming tide of dinies filled thehighway from gutter to gutter. From the two-inch dwarfs to thepurple-striped variety which grew to eight inches and sometimes foughtcats, the dinies were in motion. They ran in the wake of the chiefjustice, enthralled and entranced by the smell of hot sheet iron. Theywere fascinated. They were bemused. They were aware of nothing but thatineffable fragrance. They hopped, ran, leaped, trotted and galloped infull cry after the head of the planet's supreme court. 

He almost bumped into the stunned Sean O'Donohue. As he passed, hecried: "Duck, man! The dinies are comin' tra-la, tra-la!"

But Sean O'Donohue did not duck. He was fixed, stuck, paralyzed in histracks. And the dinies arrived. They ran into him. He was an obstacle. They played leapfrog over each other to surmount him. He went down andwas merely a bump in the flowing river of prismatic colorings whichswarmed after the racing chief justice. 

But there was a limit to things. This was not the first such event inTara, this day. The dinies, this time, filled no more than a block ofthe street. They swarmed past him, they raced on into the distance, andSean O'Donohue struggled to a sitting position. 

His shoes were shreds. Dinies had torn them swiftly apart for the nailsin them. His garters were gone. Dinies had operated on his pants to getat the metal parts. His pockets were ripped. The bright metal buttonsof his coat were gone. His zippers had vanished. His suspenders dangledwithout any metal parts to hold them together, nor were there any pantsbuttons for them to hold onto. He opened his mouth, and closed it, andopened it again and closed it. His expression was that of a man indelirium. 

And, even before the Chancellor of the Exchequer and the solicitorgeneral could lift him gently and bear him away, there came a finalcatastrophe, for the O'Donohue. The snakes who had watched events fromthe curbs, as well as those which had gazed interestedly from aloft, now began to realize that this was an affair which affected them. Theycame out and began to follow the vanishing procession, very much assmall dogs and little boys pursue a circus parade. But they seemed totalk uneasily to each other as they flowed past Sean O'Donohue, sittingin the dust of the street, all his illusions vanished and all his hopesdestroyed. 

But the people of Tara did not notice. They cheered themselves hoarse. 

 * * * * *

President O'Hanrahan held himself with some dignity in the tumble-downreception hall of the presidential mansion. Moira gazed proudly at him. The two still-active members of the Dail Committee looked uncomfortablyaround them. The cabinet of Eire was assembled. 

"It's sorry I am, " said the President of Eire, "to have to issue adefiance to the Eire on Earth we owe so much to. But it can't behelped. We had to have the black creatures to keep the dinies fromeating us out of house and home altogether. We've been fightin' arear-guard battle, and we needed them. In time we'd have won with theirhelp, but time we did not have. So this mornin' Moira told me whatshe'd done yesterday. The darlin' had used the brains God gave her, andmaybe holy St. Patrick put a flea in her ear. She figured out thatdinies must find metal by its smell, and if its smell was made strongerby simple heatin' they'd be unable to resist it. And it was so. Ye sawthe chief justice runnin' down the street with all the dinies afterhim. "

The two members of the committee nodded. 

"He was headin, " said the president, "for the cold-storage plant thatSean O'Donohue had twitted me was empty of the provisions we'd had toeat up because of the dinies. It's no matter that it's empty nowthough. We can grow victuals in the fields from now on, because now thecold rooms are packed solid with dinies that ran heedless into aclimate they are not used to an' fell--what was the word, Moiradarlin'?"

"Torpid, " said Moira, gazing at him. 

"Torpid, " agreed the president. "From now on when there's too manydinies we can send somebody runnin' through the streets with a hotplate to call them into cold storage. We've pied pipers at will, tohelp out the black creatures that've done so much for us. If we'veoffended Eire on Earth, by havin' the black creatures to help us, we'resorry. But we had to--till Moira and doubtless St. Patrick gave us theanswer ye saw today. If we're disowned, bedamned if we don't hang on!We can feed ourselves now. We can feed some extra mouths. There'll be aship droppin' by out of curiosity now and then, and we'll trade with'em. If were disowned--we'll be poor. But when were the Irish everrich?"

The committeeman who was a manufacturer of precision machinery moppedhis forehead. 

"We're rich now, " he said resignedly. "You'd be bound to learn it. D'you know what the dinies' teeth are made of?"

"It's been said, " said President O'Hanrahan, "that it's bor . .. Boroncarbide in organic form. What that means I wouldn't know, but we've gota fine crop of it!"

"It's the next hardest substance to diamond, " said the committeemandourly. "It's even been guessed that an organic type might be harder. It's used for the tools for lathes and precision machinery, and itsells at close to the price of diamonds of industrial quality--and I'llmake a deal to handle all we've got. What Earth don't need, otherplanets will. You're rich. "

The president stared. Then he gazed at Moira. 

"It's a pity we're bein' disowned, " he said mournfully. "It would be afine thing to be able to tell the grandfather Eire's rich and can feedmore colonists and even maybe pay back what it's cost to keep us hereso long. It would be a fine thing to hire colonists to build the housesthey'll be given free when they're finished. But since Sean O'Donohueis a stern man----"

The ship owner scratched his head. He'd paused on the way to thepresidential mansion. He'd had restoratives for his distress. He'dlooked at the bottom of a bottle and seen the facts. 

"I'll tell yea, " he said warmly. "It's the O'Donohue's been battlin' tokeep the colony goin' against the politicians that wanted to economize. He's made a career of believin' in this world. He's ruined if he stops. So it might be that a little bit of blarneyin'--with him desperate tofind reason to stay friends, black creature or no black creatures----"

The president took Moira's hand. 

"Come, my darlin', " he said sadly. "We'll reason with him. "

 * * * * *

Long, long minutes later he shook his head as Sean O'Donohue stormed athim. 

"The back o' my hand to you!" said Sean O'Donohue in the veryquintessence of bitterness. "And to Moira, too, if she has more to dowith you! I'll have naught to do with shenanigannin' renegades andblasphemers that actually import snakes into a world St. Patrick hadset off for the Erse from ancient days!"

It was dark in the old man's room. He was a small and pathetic figureunder the covers. He was utterly defiant. He was irreconcilable, to allseeming. 

"Renegades!" he said indignantly. "Snakes, yea say? The devil a snakethere is on Eire! I'll admit that we've some good black creatures thatin a bad light and with prejudice yea might mistake. But snakes? Yemight as well call the dinies lizards--those same dinies that arenative Erin porcupines--bad luck to them!"

There was an astounded silence from the bed. 

"It's a matter of terminology, " said the president sternly. "And it'snot the name that makes a thing, but what it does! _Actio sequituresse_, as the sayin' goes. You'll not be denyin' that! Now, a dinyhangs around a man's house and it eats his food and his tools and it'sno sort of good to anybody while it's alive. Is that the action of alizard? It is not! But it's notorious that porcupines hang around men'shouses and eat the handles of their tools for the salt in them, ignoring' the poor man whose sweat had the salt in it when he waslaborin' to earn a livin' for his family. And when a thing acts like aporcupine, a porcupine it is and nothing else! So a diny is a Eireanporcupine, native to the planet, and no man can deny it!

"And what, then, is a snake?" demanded President O'Hanrahan oratorically. "It's a creature that sneaks about upon the ground and poisons by itsbite when it's not blarneyin' unwise females into tasting' apples. Dothe black creatures here do anything of that sort? They do not! They goabout their business plain and open, givin' a half of the road and ahow'd'y-do to those they meet. They're sober and they're industrious. They mind their own business, which is killin' the Eirean porcupines weinaccurate call by the name of dinies. It's their profession! Did yeaever hear of a snake with a profession? I'll not have it said thatthere's snakes on Eire! And I'll denounce yea as a consciencelesspolitician if yea dare to put such a name on the honest, friendly, industrious Eirean porcupine eaters that up to this moment have beenthe savin' of the colony! I'll not have it!"

There was a long silence. Then Sean O'Donohue spoke dryly: "Porcupineeaters, you say? Not snakes?"

"Not snakes!" repeated the president defiantly. "Porcupine eaters!"

"Hm-m-m, " said Sean O'Donohue. "That's better. The Dail's not immune toblarney when it's needful to accept it--and Eire back on Earth is hardput for breathin' room you say can be had from now on. What would bethe reason for Moira standin' so close to you?"

"She's marryin' me, " said President O'Hanrahan firmly. 

Sean O'Donohue's voice was waspish. 

"But I forbid it!" it said sharply. "Until I'm up and about and able tobe givin' her in marriage as her grandfather ought to be doin'! Ye'llwait the few days till I'm able! Understand?"

"Yes, sir, " said the president. Meekness seemed called for. 

"Then begone!" snapped Sean O'Donohue. Then he added sternly:"Remember--no shenanigans!"

The solicitor general watched them depart on a wedding journey to acottage in Ballyhanninch, which was on Donegal Peninsular, fronting onthe Emmett Sea. He waved, like the assembled populace. But when theywere out of sight he said darkly to the chief justice and theChancellor of the Exchequer:

"I didn't have the heart to bring it up before, but there's the devilof a problem buildin' up against the time he comes back. "

"Which problem?" asked the Chancellor of the Exchequer, warily. 

"It's the sn . .. The porcupine killers, " said the solicitor general. "Things look bad for them. They're out of work. Even Timothy. There'sno dinies to speak of for them to earn a livin' by killin'. It'stechnological unemployment. They earned their way faithful, doin' workthey knew an' loved. Now they're jobless. There's no work for them. What's to be done? Put 'em on re [remainder of text is missing]

There was a pause. The solicitor general said firmly:

"I mean it! They've a claim on us! A claim of the highest order! Theycan't starve, it's sure! But would you have them have to hold massmeetin's and set up picket lines and the like, to get justice donethem?"

"Ah, " said the chief justice. "Some way will turn up to handle thematter. Like Sean O'Donohue was sayin' to me yesterday, at the verybottom of a bottle, we Erse can always depend on St. Patrick to takecare of things!"

THE END