ANNAJANSKA, THE BOLSHEVIK EMPRESS By George Bernard Shaw ANNAJANSKA is frankly a bravura piece. The modern variety theatredemands for its "turns" little plays called sketches, to last twentyminutes or so, and to enable some favorite performer to make a briefbut dazzling appearance on some barely passable dramatic pretext. MissLillah McCarthy and I, as author and actress, have helped to make oneanother famous on many serious occasions, from Man and Superman toAndrocles; and Mr Charles Ricketts has not disdained to snatch momentsfrom his painting and sculpture to design some wonderful dresses for us. We three unbent as Mrs Siddons, Sir Joshua Reynolds and Dr Johnson mighthave unbent, to devise a turn for the Coliseum variety theatre. Notthat we would set down the art of the variety theatre as something to becondescended to, or our own art as elephantine. We should rather craveindulgence as three novices fresh from the awful legitimacy of thehighbrow theatre. Well, Miss McCarthy and Mr Ricketts justified themselves easily in theglamor of the footlights, to the strains of Tchaikovsky's 1812. I fearI did not. I have received only one compliment on my share; and that wasfrom a friend who said, "It is the only one of your works that is nottoo long. " So I have made it a page or two longer, according to my ownprecept: EMBRACE YOUR REPROACHES: THEY ARE OFTEN GLORIES IN DISGUISE. Annajanska was first performed at the Coliseum Theatre in London on the21st January, 1918, with Lillah McCarthy as the Grand Duchess, HenryMiller as Schneidekind, and Randle Ayrton as General Strammfest. ANNAJANSKA, THE BOLSHEVIK EMPRESS The General's office in a military station on the east front in Beotia. An office table with a telephone, writing materials, official papers, etc. , is set across the room. At the end of the table, a comfortablechair for the General. Behind the chair, a window. Facing it at theother end of the table, a plain wooden bench. At the side of the table, with its back to the door, a common chair, with a typewriter before it. Beside the door, which is opposite the end of the bench, a rack for capsand coats. There is nobody in the room. General Strammfest enters, followed by Lieutenant Schneidekind. Theyhang up their cloaks and caps. Schneidekind takes a little longer thanStrammfest, who comes to the table. STRAMMFEST. Schneidekind. SCHNEIDEKIND. Yes, sir. STRAMMFEST. Have you sent my report yet to the government? [He sitsdown. ] SCHNEIDEKIND [coming to the table]. Not yet, sir. Which government doyou wish it sent to? [He sits down. ] STRAMMFEST. That depends. What's the latest? Which of them do you thinkis most likely to be in power tomorrow morning? SCHNEIDEKIND. Well, the provisional government was going strongyesterday. But today they say that the Prime Minister has shot himself, and that the extreme left fellow has shot all the others. STRAMMFEST. Yes: that's all very well; but these fellows always shootthemselves with blank cartridge. SCHNEIDEKIND. Still, even the blank cartridge means backing down. Ishould send the report to the Maximilianists. STRAMMFEST. They're no stronger than the Oppidoshavians; and in my ownopinion the Moderate Red Revolutionaries are as likely to come out ontop as either of them. SCHNEIDEKIND. I can easily put a few carbon sheets in the typewriter andsend a copy each to the lot. STRAMMFEST. Waste of paper. You might as well send reports to an infantschool. [He throws his head on the table with a groan. ] SCHNEIDEKIND. Tired out, Sir? STRAMMFEST. O Schneidekind, Schneidekind, how can you bear to live? SCHNEIDEKIND. At my age, sir, I ask myself how can I bear to die? STRAMMFEST. You are young, young and heartless. You are excited by therevolution: you are attached to abstract things like liberty. Butmy family has served the Panjandrums of Beotia faithfully for sevencenturies. The Panjandrums have kept our place for us at their courts, honored us, promoted us, shed their glory on us, made us what weare. When I hear you young men declaring that you are fighting forcivilization, for democracy, for the overthrow of militarism, I askmyself how can a man shed his blood for empty words used by vulgartradesmen and common laborers: mere wind and stink. [He rises, exaltedby his theme. ] A king is a splendid reality, a man raised above us likea god. You can see him; you can kiss his hand; you can be cheered by hissmile and terrified by his frown. I would have died for my Panjandrumas my father died for his father. Your toiling millions were only toohonored to receive the toes of our boots in the proper spot for themwhen they displeased their betters. And now what is left in life for me?[He relapses into his chair discouraged. ] My Panjandrum is deposed andtransported to herd with convicts. The army, his pride and glory, isparaded to hear seditious speeches from penniless rebels, with thecolonel actually forced to take the chair and introduce the speaker. I myself am made Commander-in-Chief by my own solicitor: a Jew, Schneidekind! a Hebrew Jew! It seems only yesterday that these thingswould have been the ravings of a madman: today they are the commonplacesof the gutter press. I live now for three objects only: to defeat theenemy, to restore the Panjandrum, and to hang my solicitor. SCHNEIDEKIND. Be careful, sir: these are dangerous views to utternowadays. What if I were to betray you? STRAMMFEST. What! SCHNEIDEKIND. I won't, of course: my own father goes on just like that;but suppose I did? STRAMMFEST [chuckling]. I should accuse you of treason to theRevolution, my lad; and they would immediately shoot you, unless youcried and asked to see your mother before you died, when they wouldprobably change their minds and make you a brigadier. Enough. [He risesand expands his chest. ] I feel the better for letting myself go. Tobusiness. [He takes up a telegram: opens it: and is thunderstruck by itscontents. ] Great heaven! [He collapses into his chair. ] This is the worstblow of all. SCHNEIDEKIND. What has happened? Are we beaten? STRAMMFEST. Man, do you think that a mere defeat could strike me down asthis news does: I, who have been defeated thirteen times since the warbegan? O, my master, my master, my Panjandrum! [he is convulsed withsobs. ] SCHNEIDEKIND. They have killed him? STRAMMFEST. A dagger has been struck through his heart-- SCHNEIDEKIND. Good God! STRAMMFEST. --and through mine, through mine. SCHNEIDEKIND [relieved]. Oh, a metaphorical dagger! I thought you meanta real one. What has happened? STRAMMFEST. His daughter the Grand Duchess Annajanska, she whom thePanjandrina loved beyond all her other children, has--has-- [he cannotfinish. ] SCHNEIDEKIND. Committed suicide? STRAMMFEST. No. Better if she had. Oh, far far better. SCHNEIDEKIND [in hushed tones]. Left the Church? STRAMMFEST [shocked]. Certainly not. Do not blaspheme, young man. SCHNEIDEKIND. Asked for the vote? STRAMMFEST. I would have given it to her with both hands to save herfrom this. SCHNEIDEKIND. Save her from what? Dash it, sir, out with it. STRAMMFEST. She has joined the Revolution. SCHNEIDEKIND. But so have you, sir. We've all joined the Revolution. Shedoesn't mean it any more than we do. STRAMMFEST. Heaven grant you may be right! But that is not the worst. She had eloped with a young officer. Eloped, Schneidekind, eloped! SCHNEIDEKIND [not particularly impressed]. Yes, Sir. STRAMMFEST. Annajanska, the beautiful, the innocent, my master'sdaughter! [He buries his face in his hands. ] The telephone rings. SCHNEIDEKIND [taking the receiver]. Yes: G. H. Q. Yes... Don't bawl: I'mnot a general. Who is it speaking?... Why didn't you say so? don't youknow your duty? Next time you will lose your stripe... Oh, they've madeyou a colonel, have they? Well, they've made me a field-marshal: nowwhat have you to say?... Look here: what did you ring up for? I can'tspend the day here listening to your cheek... What! the Grand Duchess[Strammfest starts. ] Where did you catch her? STRAMMFEST [snatching the telephone and listening for the answer]. Speak louder, will you: I am a General I know that, you dolt. Have youcaptured the officer that was with her?... Damnation! You shall answerfor this: you let him go: he bribed you. You must have seen him:the fellow is in the full dress court uniform of the PanderobajenskyHussars. I give you twelve hours to catch him or... What's that you sayabout the devil? Are you swearing at me, you... Thousand thunders![To Schneidekind. ] The swine says that the Grand Duchess is a devilincarnate. [Into the telephone. ] Filthy traitor: is that the way youdare speak of the daughter of our anointed Panjandrum? I'll-- SCHNEIDEKIND [pulling the telephone from his lips]. Take care, sir. STRAMMFEST. I won't take care: I'll have him shot. Let go thattelephone. SCHNEIDEKIND. But for her own sake, sir-- STRAMMFEST. Eh?-- SCHNEIDEKIND. For her own sake they had better send her here. She willbe safe in your hands. STRAMMFEST [yielding the receiver]. You are right. Be civil to him. Ishould choke [he sits down]. SCHNEIDEKIND [into the telephone]. Hullo. Never mind all that: it's onlya fellow here who has been fooling with the telephone. I had to leavethe room for a moment. Wash out: and send the girl along. We'll jollysoon teach her to behave herself here... Oh, you've sent her already. Then why the devil didn't you say so, you--[he hangs up the telephoneangrily]. Just fancy: they started her off this morning: and all this isbecause the fellow likes to get on the telephone and hear himself talknow that he is a colonel. [The telephone rings again. He snatches thereceiver furiously. ] What's the matter now?... [To the General. ] It's ourown people downstairs. [Into the receiver. ] Here! do you suppose I'venothing else to do than to hang on to the telephone all day?... What'sthat? Not men enough to hold her! What do you mean? [To the General. ]She is there, sir. STRAMMFEST. Tell them to send her up. I shall have to receive herwithout even rising, without kissing her hand, to keep up appearancesbefore the escort. It will break my heart. SCHNEIDEKIND [into the receiver]. Send her up... Tcha! [He hangs up thereceiver. ] He says she is halfway up already: they couldn't hold her. The Grand Duchess bursts into the room, dragging with her two exhaustedsoldiers hanging on desperately to her arms. She is enveloped from headto foot by a fur-lined cloak, and wears a fur cap. SCHNEIDEKIND [pointing to the bench]. At the word Go, place yourprisoner on the bench in a sitting posture; and take your seats rightand left of her. Go. The two soldiers make a supreme effort to force her to sit down. Sheflings them back so that they are forced to sit on the bench to savethemselves from falling backwards over it, and is herself dragged intositting between them. The second soldier, holding on tight to the GrandDuchess with one hand, produces papers with the other, and waves themtowards Schneidekind, who takes them from him and passes them on to theGeneral. He opens them and reads them with a grave expression. SCHNEIDEKIND. Be good enough to wait, prisoner, until the General hasread the papers on your case. THE GRAND DUCHESS [to the soldiers]. Let go. [To Strammfest]. Tell themto let go, or I'll upset the bench backwards and bash our three heads onthe floor. FIRST SOLDIER. No, little mother. Have mercy on the poor. STRAMMFEST [growling over the edge of the paper he is reading]. Holdyour tongue. THE GRAND DUCHESS [blazing]. Me, or the soldier? STRAMMFEST [horrified]. The soldier, madam. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Tell him to let go. STRAMMFEST. Release the lady. The soldiers take their hands off her. One of them wipes his feveredbrow. The other sucks his wrist. SCHNEIDKIND [fiercely]. 'ttention! The two soldiers sit up stiffly. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Oh, let the poor man suck his wrist. It may bepoisoned. I bit it. STRAMMFEST [shocked]. You bit a common soldier! GRAND DUCHESS. Well, I offered to cauterize it with the poker in theoffice stove. But he was afraid. What more could I do? SCHNEIDEKIND. Why did you bite him, prisoner? THE GRAND DUCHESS. He would not let go. STRAMMFEST. Did he let go when you bit him? THE GRAND DUCHESS. No. [Patting the soldier on the back]. You shouldgive the man a cross for his devotion. I could not go on eating him; soI brought him along with me. STRAMMFEST. Prisoner-- THE GRAND DUCHESS. Don't call me prisoner, General Strammfest. Mygrandmother dandled you on her knee. STRAMMFEST [bursting into tears]. O God, yes. Believe me, my heart iswhat it was then. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Your brain also is what it was then. I will not beaddressed by you as prisoner. STRAMMFEST. I may not, for your own sake, call you by your rightful andmost sacred titles. What am I to call you? THE GRAND DUCHESS. The Revolution has made us comrades. Call me comrade. STRAMMFEST. I had rather die. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Then call me Annajanska; and I will call you PeterPiper, as grandmamma did. STRAMMFEST [painfully agitated]. Schneidekind, you must speak to her: Icannot--[he breaks down. ] SCHNEIDEKIND [officially]. The Republic of Beotia has been compelledto confine the Panjandrum and his family, for their own safety, withincertain bounds. You have broken those bounds. STRAMMFEST [taking the word from him]. You are I must say it--aprisoner. What am I to do with you? THE GRAND DUCHESS. You should have thought of that before you arrestedme. STRAMMFEST. Come, come, prisoner! do you know what will happen to you ifyou compel me to take a sterner tone with you? THE GRAND DUCHESS. No. But I know what will happen to you. STRAMAIFEST. Pray what, prisoner? THE GLAND DUCHESS. Clergyman's sore throat. Schneidekind splutters; drops a paper: and conceals his laughter underthe table. STRAMMFEST [thunderously]. Lieutenant Schneidekind. SCHNEIDEKIND [in a stifled voice]. Yes, Sir. [The table vibratesvisibly. ] STRAMMFEST. Come out of it, you fool: you're upsetting the ink. Schneidekind emerges, red in the face with suppressed mirth. STRAMMFEST. Why don't you laugh? Don't you appreciate Her ImperialHighness's joke? SCHNEIDEKIND [suddenly becoming solemn]. I don't want to, sir. STRAMMFEST. Laugh at once, sir. I order you to laugh. SCHNEIDEKIND [with a touch of temper]. I really can't, sir. [He sitsdown decisively. ] STRAMMFEST [growling at him]. Yah! [He turns impressively to the GrandDuchess. ] Your Imperial Highness desires me to address you as comrade? THE GRAND DUCHESS [rising and waving a red handkerchief]. Long live theRevolution, comrade! STRAMMFEST [rising and saluting]. Proletarians of all lands, unite. Lieutenant Schneidekind, you will rise and sing the Marseillaise. SCHNEIDEKIND [rising]. But I cannot, sir. I have no voice, no ear. STRAMMFEST. Then sit down; and bury your shame in your typewriter. [Schneidekind sits down. ] Comrade Annajanska, you have eloped with ayoung officer. THE GRAND DUCHESS [astounded]. General Strammfest, you lie. STRAMMFEST. Denial, comrade, is useless. It is through that officerthat your movements have been traced. [The Grand Duchess is suddenlyenlightened, and seems amused. Strammfest continues an a forensicmanner. ] He joined you at the Golden Anchor in Hakonsburg. You gaveus the slip there; but the officer was traced to Potterdam, where yourejoined him and went alone to Premsylople. What have you done with thatunhappy young man? Where is he? THE GRAND DUCHESS [pretending to whisper an important secret]. Where hehas always been. STRAMMFEST [eagerly]. Where is that? THE GRAND DUCHESS [impetuously]. In your imagination. I came alone. Iam alone. Hundreds of officers travel every day from Hakonsburg toPotterdam. What do I know about them? STRAMMFEST. They travel in khaki. They do not travel in full dress courtuniform as this man did. SCHNEIDEKIND. Only officers who are eloping with grand duchesses wearcourt uniform: otherwise the grand duchesses could not be seen withthem. STRAMMFEST. Hold your tongue. [Schneidekind, in high dudgeon, folds hisarms and retires from the conversation. The General returns to his paperand to his examination of the Grand Duchess. ] This officer travelledwith your passport. What have you to say to that? THE GRAND DUCHESS. Bosh! How could a man travel with a woman's passport? STRAMMFEST. It is quite simple, as you very well know. A dozentravellers arrive at the boundary. The official collects theirpassports. He counts twelve persons; then counts the passports. If thereare twelve, he is satisfied. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Then how do you know that one of the passports wasmine? STRAMMFEST. A waiter at the Potterdam Hotel looked at the officer'spassport when he was in his bath. It was your passport. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Stuff! Why did he not have me arrested? STRAMMFEST. When the waiter returned to the hotel with the police theofficer had vanished; and you were there with your own passport. Theyknouted him. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Oh! Strammfest, send these men away. I must speak toyou alone. STRAMMFEST [rising in horror]. No: this is the last straw: I cannotconsent. It is impossible, utterly, eternally impossible, that adaughter of the Imperial House should speak to any one alone, were iteven her own husband. THE GRAND DUCHESS. You forget that there is an exception. She may speakto a child alone. [She rises. ] Strammfest, you have been dandled on mygrandmother's knee. By that gracious action the dowager Panjandrina madeyou a child forever. So did Nature, by the way. I order you to speak tome alone. Do you hear? I order you. For seven hundred years no member ofyour family has ever disobeyed an order from a member of mine. Will youdisobey me? STRAMMFEST. There is an alternative to obedience. The dead cannotdisobey. [He takes out his pistol and places the muzzle against histemple. ] SCHNEIDEKIND [snatching the pistol from him]. For God's sake, General-- STRAMMFEST [attacking him furiously to recover the weapon]. Dog of asubaltern, restore that pistol and my honor. SCHNEIDEKIND [reaching out with the pistol to the Grand Duchess]. Takeit: quick: he is as strong as a bull. THE GRAND DUCHESS [snatching it]. Aha! Leave the room, all of you exceptthe General. At the double! lightning! electricity! [She fires shotafter shot, spattering the bullets about the ankles of the soldiers. They fly precipitately. She turns to Schneidekind, who has by this timebeen flung on the floor by the General. ] You too. [He scrambles up. ]March. [He flies to the door. ] SCHNEIDEKIND [turning at the door]. For your own sake, comrade-- THE GRAND DUCHESS [indignantly]. Comrade! You!!! Go. [She fires two moreshots. He vanishes. ] STRAMMFEST [making an impulsive movement towards her]. My ImperialMistress-- THE GRAND DUCHESS. Stop. I have one bullet left, if you attempt to takethis from me [putting the pistol to her temple]. STRAMMFEST [recoiling, and covering his eyes with his hands]. No no: putit down: put it down. I promise everything: I swear anything; but put itdown, I implore you. THE GRAND DUCHESS [throwing it on the table]. There! STRAMMFEST [uncovering his eyes]. Thank God! THE GRAND DUCHESS [gently]. Strammfest: I am your comrade. Am I nothingmore to you? STRAMMFEST [falling on his knee]. You are, God help me, all that is leftto me of the only power I recognize on earth [he kisses her hand]. THE GRAND DUCHESS [indulgently]. Idolater! When will you learn that ourstrength has never been in ourselves, but in your illusions about us?[She shakes off her kindliness, and sits down in his chair. ] Now tellme, what are your orders? And do you mean to obey them? STRAMMFEST [starting like a goaded ox, and blundering fretfully aboutthe room]. How can I obey six different dictators, and not one gentlemanamong the lot of them? One of them orders me to make peace with theforeign enemy. Another orders me to offer all the neutral countries 48hours to choose between adopting his views on the single tax and beinginstantly invaded and annihilated. A third orders me to go to a damnedSocialist Conference and explain that Beotia will allow no annexationsand no indemnities, and merely wishes to establish the Kingdom of Heavenon Earth throughout the universe. [He finishes behind Schneidekind'schair. ] THE GRAND DUCHESS. Damn their trifling! STRAMMFEST. I thank Your Imperial Highness from the bottom of my heartfor that expression. Europe thanks you. THE GRAND DUCHESS. M'yes; but--[rising]. Strammfest, you know that yourcause--the cause of the dynasty--is lost. STRAMMFEST. You must not say so. It is treason, even from you. [Hesinks, discouraged, into the chair, and covers his face with his hand. ] THE GRAND DUCHESS. Do not deceive yourself, General: never again will aPanjandrum reign in Beotia. [She walks slowly across the room, broodingbitterly, and thinking aloud. ] We are so decayed, so out of date, sofeeble, so wicked in our own despite, that we have come at last to willour own destruction. STRAMMFEST. You are uttering blasphemy. THE GRAND DUCHESS. All great truths begin as blasphemies. All the king'shorses and all the king's men cannot set up my father's throne again. Ifthey could, you would have done it, would you not? STRAMMFEST. God knows I would! THE GRAND DUCHESS. You really mean that? You would keep the people intheir hopeless squalid misery? you would fill those infamous prisonsagain with the noblest spirits in the land? you would thrust the risingsun of liberty back into the sea of blood from which it has risen? Andall because there was in the middle of the dirt and ugliness and horrora little patch of court splendor in which you could stand with a feworders on your uniform, and yawn day after day and night after night inunspeakable boredom until your grave yawned wider still, and you fellinto it because you had nothing better to do. How can you be so stupid, so heartless? STRAMMFEST. You must be mad to think of royalty in such a way. I neveryawned at court. The dogs yawned; but that was because they were dogs:they had no imagination, no ideals, no sense of honor and dignity tosustain them. THE GRAND DUCHESS. My poor Strammfest: you were not often enough atcourt to tire of it. You were mostly soldiering; and when you came hometo have a new order pinned on your breast, your happiness came throughlooking at my father and mother and at me, and adoring us. Was that notso? STRAMMFEST. Do YOU reproach me with it? I am not ashamed of it. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Oh, it was all very well for you, Strammfest. Butthink of me, of me! standing there for you to gape at, and knowing thatI was no goddess, but only a girl like any other girl! It was cruelty toanimals: you could have stuck up a wax doll or a golden calf to worship;it would not have been bored. STRAMMFEST. Stop; or I shall renounce my allegiance to you. I have hadwomen flogged for such seditious chatter as this. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Do not provoke me to send a bullet through your headfor reminding me of it. STRAMMFEST. You always had low tastes. You are no true daughter of thePanjandrums: you are a changeling, thrust into the Panjandrina's bed bysome profligate nurse. I have heard stories of your childhood: of how-- THE GRAND DUCHESS. Ha, ha! Yes: they took me to the circus when I was achild. It was my first moment of happiness, my first glimpse of heaven. I ran away and joined the troupe. They caught me and dragged me back tomy gilded cage; but I had tasted freedom; and they never could make meforget it. STRAMMFEST. Freedom! To be the slave of an acrobat! to be exhibited tothe public! to-- THE GRAND DUCHESS. Oh, I was trained to that. I had learnt that part ofthe business at court. STRAMMFEST. You had not been taught to strip yourself half naked andturn head over heels-- THE GRAND DUCHESS. Man, I WANTED to get rid of my swaddling clothes andturn head over heels. I wanted to, I wanted to, I wanted to. I can do itstill. Shall I do it now? STRAMMFEST. If you do, I swear I will throw myself from the window sothat I may meet your parents in heaven without having my medals tornfrom my breast by them. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Oh, you are incorrigible. You are mad, infatuated. You will not believe that we royal divinities are mere common flesh andblood even when we step down from our pedestals and tell you ourselveswhat a fool you are. I will argue no more with you: I will use my power. At a word from me your men will turn against you: already half of themdo not salute you; and you dare not punish them: you have to pretend notto notice it. STRAMMFEST. It is not for you to taunt me with that if it is so. THE GRAND DUCHESS. [haughtily]. Taunt! I condescend to taunt! To taunt acommon General! You forget yourself, sir. STRAMMFEST [dropping on his knee submissively]. Now at last you speaklike your royal self. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Oh, Strammfest, Strammfest, they have driven yourslavery into your very bones. Why did you not spit in my face? STRAMMFEST [rising with a shudder]. God forbid! THE GRAND DUCHESS. Well, since you will be my slave, take your ordersfrom me. I have not come here to save our wretched family and ourbloodstained crown. I am come to save the Revolution. STRAMMFEST. Stupid as I am, I have come to think that I had better savethat than save nothing. But what will the Revolution do for the people?Do not be deceived by the fine speeches of the revolutionary leaders andthe pamphlets of the revolutionary writers. How much liberty is therewhere they have gained the upper hand? Are they not hanging, shooting, imprisoning as much as ever we did? Do they ever tell the people thetruth? No: if the truth does not suit them they spread lies instead, andmake it a crime to tell the truth. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Of course they do. Why should they not? STRAMMFEST [hardly able to believe his ears]. Why should they not? THE GRAND DUCHESS. Yes: why should they not? We did it. You did it, whipin hand: you flogged women for teaching children to read. STRAMMFEST. To read sedition. To read Karl Marx. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Pshaw! How could they learn to read the Bible withoutlearning to read Karl Marx? Why do you not stand to your guns andjustify what you did, instead of making silly excuses? Do you supposeI think flogging a woman worse than flogging a man? I, who am a womanmyself! STRAMMFEST. I am at a loss to understand your Imperial Highness. Youseem to me to contradict yourself. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Nonsense! I say that if the people cannot governthemselves, they must be governed by somebody. If they will not do theirduty without being half forced and half humbugged, somebody must forcethem and humbug them. Some energetic and capable minority must alwaysbe in power. Well, I am on the side of the energetic minority whoseprinciples I agree with. The Revolution is as cruel as we were; but itsaims are my aims. Therefore I stand for the Revolution. STRAMMFEST. You do not know what you are saying. This is pureBolshevism. Are you, the daughter of a Panjandrum, a Bolshevist? THE GRAND DUCHESS. I am anything that will make the world less like aprison and more like a circus. STRAMMFEST. Ah! You still want to be a circus star. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Yes, and be billed as the Bolshevik Empress. Nothingshall stop me. You have your orders, General Strammfest: save theRevolution. STRAMMFEST. What Revolution? Which Revolution? No two of your rabble ofrevolutionists mean the same thing by the Revolution What can save a mobin which every man is rushing in a different direction? THE GRAND DUCHESS. I will tell you. The war can save it. STRAMMFEST. The war? THE GRAND DUCHESS. Yes, the war. Only a great common danger and a greatcommon duty can unite us and weld these wrangling factions into a solidcommonwealth. STRAMMFEST. Bravo! War sets everything right: I have always said so. Butwhat is a united people without a united army? And what can I do? I amonly a soldier. I cannot make speeches: I have won no victories: theywill not rally to my call [again he sinks into his chair with his formergesture of discouragement]. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Are you sure they will not rally to mine? STRAMMFEST. Oh, if only you were a man and a soldier! THE GRAND DUCHESS. Suppose I find you a man and a soldier? STRAMMFEST [rising in a fury]. Ah! the scoundrel you eloped with! Youthink you will shove this fellow into an army command, over my head. Never. THE GRAND DUCHESS. You promised everything. You swore anything. [Shemarches as if in front of a regiment. ] I know that this man alone canrouse the army to enthusiasm. STRAMMFEST. Delusion! Folly! He is some circus acrobat; and you are inlove with him. THE GRAND DUCHESS. I swear I am not in love with him. I swear I willnever marry him. STRAMMFEST. Then who is he? THE GRAND DUCHESS. Anybody in the world but you would have guessed longago. He is under your very eyes. STRAMMFEST [staring past her right and left]. Where? THE GRAND DUCHESS. Look out of the window. He rushes to the window, looking for the officer. The Grand Duchesstakes off her cloak and appears in the uniform of the PanderobajenskyHussars. STRAMMFEST [peering through the window]. Where is he? I can see no one. THE GRAND DUCHESS. Here, silly. STRAMMFEST [turning]. You! Great Heavens! The Bolshevik Empress!