AMPHITRYON

A play

By Moliere

Translated by A. R. Waller

Amphitryon was played for the first time in Paris, at the Theatre duPalais-Royal, January 13, 1668. It was successfully received, holdingthe boards until the 18th of March, when Easter intervened. After there-opening of the theatre, it was played half a dozen times more thesame year, and continued to please. 

The first edition was published in 1668. 

Note: It is perhaps hardly necessary to refer the reader to Amphitryon, by Plautus, the comedy upon which Moliere's charming play was, inthe main, based. The rendering attempted here can give but a faintreflection of the original, for hardly any comedy of Moliere's losesmore in the process of translation. 

AMPHITRYON

PROLOGUE

MERCURY, on a cloud; NIGHT, in a chariot drawn by two horses

MERC. Wait! Gentle Night; deign to stay awhile: Some help is needed fromyou. I have two words to say to you from Jupiter. 

NIGHT. Ah! Ah! It is you, Seigneur Mercury! Who would have thought ofyou here, in that position?

MERC. Well, feeling tired, and not being able to fulfil the differentduties Jupiter ordered me, I quietly sat down on this cloud to awaityour coming. 

NIGHT. You jest, Mercury: you do not mean it; does it become the Gods tosay they are tired?

MERC. Are the Gods made of iron?

NIGHT. No; but one must always have a care for divine decorum. There arecertain words the use of which debases this sublime quality, and it ismeet that these should be left to men, because they are unworthy. 

MERC. You speak at your ease, fair lady, from a swiftly rolling chariot, in which, like a dame free from care; you are drawn by two fine horseswherever you like. But it is not the same with me. Such is my miserablefate that I cannot bear the poets too great a grudge for their grossimpertinence in having, by an unjust law, which they wish to retain inforce, given a separate conveyance to each God, for his own use, andleft me to go on foot: me, like a village messenger, though, as everyoneknows, I am the famous messenger of the sovereign of the Gods, on theearth and in the heavens. Without any exaggeration, I need more than anyone else the means of being carried about, because of all the duties heputs upon me. 

NIGHT. What can one do? The poets do what pleases them. It is not theonly stupidity we have detected in these gentlemen. But surely yourirritation against them is wrong, for the wings at your feet are afriendly gift of theirs. 

MERC. Yes; but does going more quickly tire oneself less?

NIGHT. Let us leave the matter, Seigneur Mercury, and learn what iswanted. 

MERC. Jupiter, as I have told you, wishes the dark aid of your cloak fora certain gallant adventure, which a new love affair has furnishedhim. His custom is not new to you, I believe: often does he neglect theheavens for the earth; and you are not ignorant that this master ofthe Gods loves to take upon himself the guise of man to woo earthlybeauties. He knows a hundred ingenious tricks to entrap the mostobdurate. He has felt the darts of Alcmene's eyes; and, whilstAmphitryon, her husband, commands the Theban troops on the plains ofBoeotia, Jupiter has taken his form, and assuaged his pains, in thepossession of the sweetest of pleasures. The condition of the couple ispropitious to his desire: Hymen joined them only a few days ago; and theyoung warmth of their tender love suggested to Jupiter to have recourseto this fine artifice. His stratagem proved successful in this case; butwith many a cherished object a similar disguise would not be of anyuse: it is not always a sure means of pleasing, to adopt the form, of ahusband. 

NIGHT. I admire Jupiter, and I cannot imagine all the disguises whichcome into his head. 

MERC. By these means he wishes to taste all sorts of conditions: thatis the act of a God who is not a fool. However mortals may regard him, I should think very meanly of him if he never quitted his redoubtablemien, and were always in the heavens, standing upon his dignity. In myopinion, there is nothing more idiotic than always to be imprisoned inone's grandeur; above all, a lofty rank becomes very inconvenient inthe transports of amorous ardour. Jupiter, no doubt, is a connoisseurin pleasure, and he knows how to descend from the height of his supremeglory. So that he can enter into everything that pleases him, heentirely casts aside himself, and then it is no longer Jupiter whoappears. 

NIGHT. I could overlook seeing him step down from his sublime stageto that of men, since he wishes to enter into all the transports whichtheir natures can supply, and join in their jests, if, in the changeswhich take his fancy, he would confine himself to nature. But I do notthink it fitting to see Jupiter as a bull, a serpent, a swan, or whatnot, and it does not astonish me that it is sometimes talked about. 

MERC. Let all the busybodies talk; such changes have their own charmsand surpass people's understanding. The God knows what he does in thisaffair as in everything else: in the movements of their tender passions, animals are not so loutish as one might think. 

NIGHT. Let us return to the lady whose favours he enjoys. If, by hisstratagem, his pursuit is successful, what more can he wish? What can Ido?

MERC. He wishes that you would slacken the pace of your horses, tosatisfy the passion of his amorous heart, and so make of a delightfulnight the longest night of all; that you would give him more time forhis transports, and retard the birth of day since it will hasten thereturn of him whose place he occupies. 

NIGHT. Really the employment which the great Jupiter reserves for meis a worthy one! The service he requires of me passes under a veryrespectable name. 

MERC. You are somewhat old-fashioned for a young goddess! Such anemployment is not debasing except among people of mean birth. Whenone has the happiness of belonging to lofty rank, whatever one does isalways right and good; things change their names to suit what one maybe. 

NIGHT. You know more about such matters than I do; I will trust to yourenlightened views and accept this employment. 

MERC. Come, come, now, Madam Night, a little gently, I beseech you. Theworld gives you the reputation of not being so scrupulous. In a hundreddifferent climes you are made the confidant of many gallant adventures;and, if I may speak candidly, we do not owe each other anything. 

NIGHT. Let us cease these reproaches and remain what we are. Let us notgive men cause to laugh by telling each other the truth. 

MERC. Adieu. I am going there to play my part in this business, promptlyto strip myself of the form of Mercury and to take in its place thefigure of Amphitryon's valet. 

NIGHT. I am going to keep station in this hemisphere with my sombretrain. 

MERC. Good day, Night. 

NIGHT. Adieu, Mercury. 

(Mercury descends from his cloud to the earth, and Night goes away inher chariot. )

END OF THE PROLOGUE. 

ACT I

SCENE I

SOSIE

Who goes there? Eh? My fear grows with every step. Gentlemen, I am afriend to all the world. Ah! What unparalleled boldness, to be out atthis hour! My master is crowned with fame, but what a villainous trickhe plays me here! What? If he had any love for his neighbour, would hehave sent me out in such a black night? Could he not just as well havewaited until it was day before sending me to announce his return and thedetails of his victory? To what servitude are thy days subjected, Sosie!Our lot is far more hard with the great than with the mean. They insistthat everything in nature should be compelled to sacrifice itself forthem. Night and day, hail, wind, peril, heat, cold, as soon as theyspeak we must fly. Twenty years of assiduous service do not gain us anyconsideration from them. The least little whim draws down upon us theiranger. 

Notwithstanding this, our infatuated hearts cling to the empty honourof remaining near them, contented with the false idea, which every oneholds, that we are happy. In vain reason bids us retire; in vain ourspite sometimes consents to this; to be near them is too powerfulan influence on our zeal, and the least favour of a caressing glanceimmediately re-engages us. But at last, I see our house through thedarkness, and my fear vanishes. 

I must prepare some thought-out speech for my mission. I must giveAlcmene warlike description of the fierce combat which put our enemiesto flight. But how the deuce can I do this since I was not there? Nevermind; let us talk of cut and thrust, as though I were an eyewitness. Howmany people describe battles from which they remained far away! In orderto act my part without discredit, I will rehearse it a little. 

This is the chamber into which I am ushered as the messenger: thislantern is Alcmene, to whom I have to speak. (He sets his lantern onthe ground and salutes it. ) 'Madam, Amphitryon, my master and yourhusband, ... (Good! that is a fine beginning!) whose mind is ever fullof your charms, has chosen me from amongst all to bring tidings of thesuccess of his arms, and of his desire to be near you. ' 'Ah! Really, mypoor Sosie, I am delighted to see you back again. ' 'Madam, you do me toomuch honour: my lot is an enviable one. ' (Well answered!)

'How is Amphitryon?' 'Madam, as a man of courage should be, when gloryleads him. ' (Very good! A capital idea!) 'When will my heart be charmedand satisfied by his return?' 'As soon as possible, assuredly, Madam, but his heart desires a speedier return. ' (Ah!) 'In what state has thewar left him? What says he? What does he? Ease my anxiety. ' He says lessthan he does, Madam, and makes his enemies tremble. ' (Plague! where do Iget all these fine speeches?) 'What are the rebels doing? Tell me, whatis their condition?' 'They could not resist our efforts, Madam; we cutthem to pieces, put their chief, Pterelas, to death, took Telebos byassault; and now the port rings with our prowess. ' 'Ah! What a success!Ye Gods! Who could ever have imagined it? Tell me, Sosie, how ithappened. ' 'I will, gladly, Madam; and, without boasting, I can tellyou, with the greatest accuracy, the details of this victory. Imagine, therefore, Madam, that Telebos is on this side. (He marks the placeson his hand, or on the ground. ) It is a city really almost as large asThebes. The river is, say, there. Here, our people encamped; and thatspace was occupied by our enemies. On a height, somewhere about here, was their infantry; and, lower down, on the right side, was theircavalry. After having addressed prayers to the Gods, and issued all theorders, the signal was given. The enemy, thinking to turn our flank, divided their horse soldiers into three platoons; but we soon chilledtheir warmth, and you shall see how. Here is our vanguard ready to beginwork; there, were the archers of our king, Creon; and here, the mainarmy (some one makes a slight noise), which was just going to... Stay;the main body is afraid'; I think I hear some noise. 

SCENE II

MERCURY, SOSIE

MERC. (Under the form of Sosie. ) Under this mask which resembles him, I will drive away the babbler from here. His unfortunate arrival maydisturb the pleasures our lovers are tasting together. 

SOS. My heart revives a little; perhaps it was nothing. Lestanything untoward should happen, however, I will go in to finish theconversation. 

MERC. I shall prevent your doing that unless you are stronger thanMercury. 

SOS. This night seems to me unusually long. By the time I have beenon the way, either my master has taken evening for morning, or lovelyPhoebus slumbers too long in bed through having taken too much wine. 

MERC. With what irreverence this lubber speaks of the Gods! My armshall soon chastise this insolence; I shall have a fine game with him, stealing his name as well as his likeness. 

SOS. Ah! upon my word, I was right: I am done for, miserable creaturethat I am! I see a man before our house whose mien bodes me no good. Iwill sing a little to show some semblance of assurance. 

(He sings; and, when Mercury speaks, his voice weakens, little bylittle. )

MERC. What rascal is this, who takes the unwarrantable licence ofsinging and deafening me like this? Does he wish me to curry his coatfor him?

SOS. Assuredly that fellow does not like music. 

MERC. For more than a week, I have not found any one whose bones I couldbreak; my arm will lose its strength in this idleness. I must look outfor some one's back to get my wind again. 

SOS. What the deuce of a fellow is this? My heart thrills with clutchingfear. But why should I tremble thus? Perhaps the rogue is as much afraidas I am, and talks in this way to hide his fear from me under a feignedaudacity. Yes, yes, I will not allow him to think me a goose. If I amnot bold, I will try to appear so. Let me seek courage by reason; he isalone, even as I am; I am strong, I have a good master, and there is ourhouse. 

MERC. Who goes there?

SOS. I. 

MERC. Who, I?

SOS. I. Courage, Sosie!

MERC. Tell me, what is your condition?

SOS. To be a man, and to speak. 

MERC. Are you a master, or a servant?

SOS. As fancy takes me. 

MERC. Where are you going?

SOS. Where I intend to go. 

MERC. Ah! This annoys me. 

SOS. I am ravished to hear it. 

MERC. By hook or by crook, I must definitely know all about you, youwretch; what you do, whence you come before the day breaks, where youare going, and who you may be. 

SOS. I do good and ill by turns; I come from there; I go there; I belongto my master. 

MERC. You show wit, and I see you think to play the man of importancefor my edification. I feel inclined to make your acquaintance byslapping your face. 

SOS. Mine?

MERC. Yours; and there you get it, sharp. (Mercury gives him a slap. )

SOS. Ah! Ah! This is a fine game!

MERC. No; it is only a laughing matter, a reply to your quips. 

SOS. Good heavens! Friend, how you swing out your arm without any onesaying anything to you. 

MERC. These are my lightest clouts, little ordinary smacks. 

SOS. If I were as hasty as you, we should have a fine ado. 

MERC. All this is nothing as yet: it is merely to fill up time; we shallsoon see something else; but let us continue our conversation. 

SOS. I give up the game. (He turns to go away. )

MERC. Where are you going?

SOS. What does it matter to you?

MERC. I want to know where you are going. 

SOS. I am going to open that door. Why do you detain me?

MERC. If you dare to go near it, I shall rain down a storm of blows onyou. 

SOS. What? You wish to hinder me from entering our own house by threats?

MERC. What do you say, your house?

SOS. Yes, our house. 

MERC. O, the scoundrel! You speak of that house?

SOS. Certainly. Is not Amphitryon the master of it?

MERC. Well! What does that prove?

SOS. I am his valet. 

MERC. You?

SOS. I. 

MERC. His valet?

SOS. Unquestionably. 

MERC. Valet of Amphitryon?

SOS. Of Amphitryon himself. 

MERC. Your name is?

SOS. Sosie. 

MERC. Eh? What?

SOS. Sosie. 

MERC. Listen: do you realise that my fist can knock you spinning?

SOS. Why? What fury has seized you now?

MERC. Tell me, who made you so rash as to take the name of Sosie?

SOS. I do not take it; I have always borne it. 

MERC. O what a monstrous lie! What confounded impudence! You dare tomaintain that Sosie is your name?

SOS. Certainly; I maintain it, for the good reason that the Gods have soordered it by their supreme power. It is not in my power to say no, andto be any one else than myself. 

(Mercury beats him. ) MERC. A thousand stripes ought to be the reward ofsuch audacity. 

SOS. Justice, citizens! Help! I beseech you. 

MERC. So, you gallows-bird, you yell out?

SOS. You beat me down with a thousand blows, and yet do not wish me tocry out?

MERC. It is thus that my arm... 

SOS. The action is unworthy. You gloat over the advantage which my wantof courage gives you over me; that is not fair treatment. It is merebullying to wish to profit by the poltroonery of those whom one makes tofeel the weight of one's arm. To thrash a man who does not retaliate isnot the act of a generous soul; and to show courage against men who havenone merits condemnation. 

MERC. Well! Are you still Sosie? What say you?

SOS. Your blows have not made any metamorphosis in me; all the changethere is is that in the matter I am Sosie thrashed. 

MERC. Still? A hundred fresh blows for this fresh impudence. 

SOS. Have mercy, a truce to your blows. 

MERC. Then a truce to your insolence. 

SOS. Anything that pleases you; I will keep silence. The dispute betweenus is too unequal. 

MERC. Are you still Sosie? Say, villain!

SOS. Alas! I am what you wish; dispose of my lot exactly as you please:your arm 'has made you the master of it. 

MERC. I think you said your name was Sosie?

SOS. True, until now I thought the matter was clear; but your rod hasmade me see that I was mistaken in this affair. 

MERC. I am Sosie: all Thebes avows it. Amphitryon has never had otherthan me. 

SOS. You, Sosie?

MERC. Yes, Sosie; and if any one trifles with me, he must take care ofhimself. 

SOS. Heavens! Must I thus renounce myself, and see my name stolen by animpostor. How lucky I am a poltroon! Or, by the death... !

MERC. What are you mumbling between your teeth?

SOS. Nothing. But, in the name of the Gods, give me leave to speak onemoment with you. 

MERC. Speak. 

SOS. But promise me, I beseech you, that there shall not be any morestrokes. Let us sign a truce. 

MERC. Let that pass; go on, I grant you this point. 

SOS. Tell me, who put this fancy into your head? What benefit will it beto you to take my name? In short, were you a demon, could you hinder mefrom being myself, from being Sosie?

MERC. What is this, you dare... 

SOS. Ah! Gently: there is a truce to blows. 

MERC. What! Gallows-bird, impostor, scoundrel... 

SOS. As for abuse, give me as much as you please; it makes but a slightwound and does not bother me. 

MERC. You say you are Sosie?

SOS. Yes. Some ridiculous tale... 

MERC. So, I shall break our truce, and take back my word. 

SOS. I can't help it. I cannot annihilate myself for you, and endure soimprobable a tale. Is it in your power to be what I am? Can I cease tobe myself? Did any one ever hear of such a thing? And can you give thelie to a hundred clear indications? Do I dream? Do I sleep? Is my mindtroubled by powerful transports? Do I not feel I am awake? Am I not inmy right senses? Has not my master, Amphitryon, commanded me to comehere to Alcmene his wife? Am I not, in commending his passion to her, to give her an account of his deeds against our enemies? Have I not justcome from the harbour? Do I not hold a lantern in my hand? Have I notfound you in front of our house? Did I not speak to you in a perfectlyfriendly manner? Do you not make use of my poltroonery to hinder me fromentering our house? Have you not vented your rage upon my back? Have younot showered blows on me? Ah! All this is but too true: would to Heavenit were less real! Cease therefore to jeer at a wretch's lot, and leaveme to acquit myself where my duty calls me. 

MERC. Stop, or the shortest step brings down upon your back clatteringevidence of my just anger. All you have just said is mine, except theblows. It is I, whom Amphitryon sent to Alcmene; who has just arrivedfrom the Persian port; I, who have come to announce the valour of hisarm, which has gained us a glorious victory, and slain the chief ofour enemies. In short, I am undoubtedly Sosie, son of Dave, an honestshepherd; brother of Arpage, who died in a foreign land; husband ofCleanthis the prude, whose temper drives me wild; I, who received athousand cuts from a whip at Thebes, without ever saying anything aboutit; and who was once publicly branded on the back for being too worthy aman. 

SOS. He is right. If he were not Sosie, he could not know all he says;all this is so astounding that even I begin to believe him a little. Infact, now I look at him, I see he has my figure, looks, and manners. Iwilt ask him some question, in order to clear up this mystery. Whatdid Amphitryon obtain as his share of all the plunder taken from ourenemies?

MERC. Five fine large diamonds, beautifully set in a cluster, whichtheir chief wore as a rare piece of handicraft. 

SOS. For whom does he intend so rich a present?

MERC. For his wife; he intends her to wear it. 

SOS. Where have you put it, until you meet her?

MERC. In a casket sealed with the arms of my master. 

SOS. He does not tell a single lie at any turn: I begin to doubt myselfin earnest. He has already cowed me into believing him to be Sosie; andhe might even reason me into thinking him so. Yet, when I touch myself, and recollect, it seems to me I am myself. Where can I find some lightthat will clearly make my way plain? What I have done alone, and what noone has seen, cannot be known to any one else: that, at least, belongsto me. I will astonish him by this question: it will confound him, andwe shall see. When they were at close quarters, what were you doing inour tents, whither you ran to hide yourself away?

MERC. Off a ham

SOS. That is it!

MERC. Which I unearthed, I soon cut two succulent slices: they suited menicely. I added to them a wine which was usually kept dark, and, gloated over the sight of it before I tasted it. So I took heart for ourfighters. 

SOS. This unparalleled proof ends matters well in his favour; and, unless he were in the bottle, there is nothing to be said. From theproofs you show me, I cannot deny that you are Sosie: I admit it. But, if you are he, tell me whom you wish me to be; for I must be someone. 

MERC. When I shall no longer be Sosie, you may be he, I consent to that;but I promise you it shall be the death of you if you take up such afancy while I am he. 

SOS. All this confusion turns me inside out, for reason is against whatI see. But I must end this by some means; and the shortest way for me isto go in there. 

MERC. Oh! You gallows-bird, you want to taste the stick. 

SOS. What is the matter? Great Gods! He makes the blows ring again; myback will ache for a month. I will leave this devil of a fellow, andreturn to the harbour. O just Heavens, what a fine ambassador I havebeen!

MERC. At last, I have made him fly; this treatment has paid him out formany of his deeds. But here is Jupiter, gallantly escorting his loverAlcmene. 

SCENE III

JUPITER, ALCMENE, CLEANTHIS, MERCURY

JUP. My dear Alcmene, forbid the torch-bearers to come near. They giveme delight in enabling me to see you; but they might betray my beinghere, and this were best unrevealed. Restrained by all the heavy careswith which the glory of our arms held me bound, my heart has stolen fromthe duties of my post the moments it has just given to your charms. Thistheft, which I have consecrated to your beauty, might be blamed by thepublic voice; and the only witness I want, is she who can thank me forit. 

ALC. I take great interest, Amphitryon, in the glory which yourillustrious exploits have cast upon you; the fame of your victory movesmy heart to its depths. But when I see that this disastrous honour keepsmy lover away from me, such is my heart's feeling that I cannot forbearto think ill of it, and to regret the high order which makes you generalof the Thebans. It is sweet after a victory to see the glory to whichone's lover has been raised; but, from among the perils attached to thisglory, a deadly blow, alas! may soon fall. With how many fears is one'sheart wounded at the report of the least skirmish! In the horror of sucha thought, is there anything that can console for the threatened stroke?And with whatever laurels the victor may be crowned, whatever shareone may have in that supreme honour, is it worth what it costs a tenderheart, which trembles every moment for its lover?

JUP. I do not see anything in you but what inflames my passion;everything shows me a deeply enamoured heart; and, I confess, it is agreat delight to find so much love in a beloved object. But, if I maydare say so, one scruple in the tender sentiments which you show mecauses me anxiety; and, in order to enjoy you the more, dear Alcmene, myheart would rather see love only, and not duty, in the favours which Ireceive from you; may they arise solely from affection, and have respectto my person only; let not my condition as your husband be the reasonfor them. 

ALC. Yet it is in that name that the ardour which burns me holdsthe right to show itself: I do not understand this new scruple whichtroubles your heart. 

JUP. The love and tenderness which I have for you far exceeds ahusband's; in these sweet moments, you do not realise its delicacy; Youdo not understand that a heart deeply in love studiously attaches itselfto a hundred little trifles, and is restless over the manner of beinghappy. In me, fair and charming Alcmene, you see a lover and a husband;but, to speak frankly, it is the lover that appeals to me; when nearyou, I feel the husband restrains him. This lover, who is supremelyjealous of your love, wishes your heart to abandon itself solely to him:his passion does not wish anything the husband gives him. He wishes toobtain the warmth of your love from the fountain-head, and not to oweanything to the bonds of wedlock, or to a duty which palls and makes theheart sad, for by these the sweetness of the most cherished favoursis daily poisoned. This idea, in short, tosses him to and fro, and hewishes, in order to satisfy his scruples, that you would differentiatewhere the occasion offends him, the husband to be only for your virtue, and the lover to have the whole affection and tenderness of a heartknown to be full of kindness. 

ALC. In truth, Amphitryon, you must be jesting, to talk thus; I shouldbe afraid anyone who heard you would think you were not sane. 

JUP. There is more reason in this discourse, Alcmene, than you think. But a longer stay here would render me guilty, and time presses for myreturn to port. Adieu. The stern call of duty tears me away from youfor a time; but, lovely Alcmene, I beseech you at least to think of thelover when you see the husband. 

ALC. I do not separate what the Gods unite: both husband and lover arevery precious to me. 

CLE. O Heaven! How delightful are the caresses of an ardently cherishedhusband! How far my poor husband is from all this tenderness!

MERC. I must tell Night she has but to furl all her sails; the Sun maynow arise from his bed and put out the stars. 

SCENE IV

CLEANTHIS, MERCURY (Mercury turns to go away)

CLE. So? Is it thus you quit me?

MERC. What would you have? Do you wish me not to do my duty, and followin Amphitryon's footsteps?

CLE. To separate from me so rudely as this, you villain!

MERC. It is a fine subject to make a fuss about! We have still plenty oftime to live together!

CLE. But to go in such a churlish manner, without saying a single kindword to cheer me!

MERC. Where the deuce shall I dig up silly compliments? Fifteen years ofmarried life exhaust nonsense; we said all we had to say to each other along time ago. 

CLE. Look at Amphitryon, you rascal; see how his ardour burns forAlcmene; and then blush for the little passion that you show your wife. 

MERC. But, gracious me! Cleanthis, they are still lovers. There comesa certain age when all this passes away; what suits them well in theseearly days would look ridiculous in us, old married people. It would beit fine sight to see us embracing each other, and saying sweet nothings!

CLE. Oh! You perfidious wretch, must I give up hope that a heart sighsfor me?

MERC. No, I should be sorry to say that; but I have too long a beard todare to sigh; I should make you die of laughter. 

CLE. You brute, do you deserve the good fortune of having a virtuouswoman for your wife?

MERC. Good Heavens! You are but too virtuous; this fine virtue is notworth anything to me. Do not be quite so honest a woman, and don'tbother me so much. 

CLE. What? Do you blame me for being too honest?

MERC. A woman's gentleness is what charms me most: your virtue makes aclatter that never ceases to deafen me. 

CLE. You care for hearts full of false tenderness, for those women withthe laudable and fine talent of knowing how to smother their husbandswith caresses in order to make them oblivious of the existence oflovers. 

MERC. Well! Shall I tell you what I think? An imaginary evil concernsfools only; my device should be: 'Less honour and more peace. '

CLE. Would you, without any repugnance, suffer me openly to love agallant?

MERC. Yes, if I were no longer worried by your tongue, and if itchanged your temper and your goings-on. I prefer a convenient vice, toa fatiguing virtue. Adieu, Cleanthis, my dear soul; I must followAmphitryon. (He goes away. )

CLE Why has not my heart sufficient resolution to punish this infamousscoundrel? Ah, how it maddens me, now, that I am an honest woman!

END OF THE FIRST ACT

ACT II

SCENE I

AMPHITRYON, SOSIE

AMPH. Come here, you rascal, come here. Do you know, Master Villain, that your talk is sufficient to cause me to knock you down, and that mywrath waits only for a stick to thrash you as I intend?

SOS. If you take it in that way, Monsieur, I have nothing more to say;you will be always in the right. 

AMPH. So? You scoundrel, you wish to impose upon me as truths taleswhich I know to be extravagantly far-fetched?

SOS. No; I am the servant, and you are the master; it shall not beotherwise than you wish it, Monsieur. 

AMPH. Come, I will choke down the anger that inflames me, and hear allyou have to say about your mission. I must unravel this confusion beforeI see my wife. Collect your senses, think well over what you say, andanswer each question word for word. 

SOS. But, lest I make a mistake, tell me, I beseech you, beforehand, inwhat way it would please you to have this affair healed. Shall I speak, Monsieur, according to my conscience, or as usual when near the great?Shall I tell the truth or use a certain complaisance?

AMPH. No; I only wish you to give me a perfectly unvarnished account. 

SOS. Good. That is enough; leave it to me; you have, but to interrogateme. 

AMPH. Upon the order which I lately gave you... 

SOS. I set forth under skies veiled in black crape, swearing bitterlyagainst you for this wretched martyrdom, and cursing twenty times theorder of which you speak. 

AMPH. What do you mean, you villain?

SOS. You have only to speak, Monsieur, and I shall lie, if you desireit. 

AMPH. That is how a valet shows his zeal for us. Never mind. Whathappened to you on the way?

SOS. I had a mortal fright at the least thing I met. 

AMPH. Poltroon!

SOS. Nature has her caprices in forming us; she gives us differinginclinations; some find a thousand delights in exposing themselves; Ifind them in taking care of myself. 

AMPH. When you arrived at the house... ?

SOS. When I reached the door, I wished to rehearse to myself for a shorttime, in what tone and in what manner I should give a glorious accountof the battle. 

AMPH. What followed?

SOS. Some one came to annoy and trouble me. 

AMPH. Who was he?

SOS. Sosie; another I, jealous of your orders, whom you sent to Alcmenefrom the port, and who has as full knowledge of our secrets as I who amspeaking to you. 

AMPH. What nonsense!

SOS. No, Monsieur, it is the simple truth: this I was at your housesooner than I; and, I swear to you, I was there before I had arrived. 

AMPH. Pray, where does all this cursed nonsense come from? Is it adream? Is it drunkenness? Mind-wandering? Or a sorry joke?

SOS. No, it is the thing as it is, and by no means an idle tale. I ama man of honour, I give you my word, and you must please believe it. I tell you, believing I was but one Sosie, I found myself two at yourhouse; and of these two I's, piqued with jealousy, one is at the house, and the other is with you; the I who is here, tired out, found the otherI fresh, jolly and active, having no other anxiety than to fight andbreak bones. 

AMPH. I confess I must be of a very placid temper, very peaceable, verygentle, to permit a valet to entertain me with such nonsense!

SOS. If you become angry, no more conference between us: you know allwill be over at once. 

AMPH. No; I will listen to you without being carried away; I promisedit. But tell me in good earnest, is there any shadow of likelihood inthis new mystery which you have just told me?

SOS. No; you are right, the matter must appear to everyone past credit. It is a fact past understanding, an extravagant, ridiculous, far-fetchedtale: it shocks common sense; but it is none the less a fact. 

AMPH. How can anyone believe it, unless he has taken leave of hissenses?

SOS. I myself did not believe it without extreme difficulty: I thoughtI was losing my senses when I saw myself two, and, for a long time, Itreated my other self as an impostor: but he compelled me in the endto recognise myself; I saw it was I, without any trickery; from head tofoot he is like me-handsome, a noble air, well built, charming manners;in fact, two peas do not resemble each other more; were it not that hishands are a little too heavy, I should be perfectly satisfied. 

AMPH. I had need exhort myself to patience! But did you not in the endgo into the house?

SOS. Good, go in! Ah! In what fashion? Have I never wished to listen toreason? Did I not forbid myself to enter our door?

AMPH. In what way?

SOS. With a stick, my back still aches from it. 

AMPH. You have been thrashed?

SOS. Truly. 

AMPH. And by whom?

SOS. Myself. 

AMPH. You have thrashed yourself?

SOS. Yes, I; not the I who is here, but the I from the house, who whackssoundly. 

AMPH. Heaven confound you for talking to me like this!

SOS. I am not joking; the I whom I have just met has great advantagesover the I who speaks to you. He has a strong arm and great courage; Ihave had proofs of both; this devil of an I has licked me soundly; he isa fellow who can do wonders. 

AMPH. Let us, cease this. Have you seen my wife?

SOS. No. 

AMPH. Why not?

SOS. For a sufficiently strong reason. 

AMPH. Who hindered you, scoundrel? Explain yourself. 

SOS. Must I repeat the same thing twenty times? I, I tell you, this Iwho is more robust than I, this I who took possession of the door byforce, this I who made me slope off, this I who wishes to be the only I, this I who is jealous of myself, this valiant I, whose anger made itselfknown to this poltroon of an I, in fact, this I who is at our house, this I who has shown himself to be my master, this I who has racked mewith pain. 

AMPH. His brain must be addled by having had too much to drink thismorning. 

SOS. May I be hanged if I have had anything to drink but water: I takemy oath on it. 

AMPH. Then your senses must have been fast asleep: some silly dream hasshown you all these fairy tales and confused mysteries which you wish meto take for truths. 

SOS. That is just as far away from the truth. I have not slept, and I donot even feel inclined that way. I am speaking to you wide-awake; Iwas wide awake this morning, upon my life! And the other Sosie was alsowide-awake, when he drubbed me so well. 

AMPH. Follow me; I order you to be silent. You tire my brain too much;I must be an out-and-out fool to have the patience to listen to thenonsense a valet has to say. 

SOS. All talk is nonsense that comes from a man who is unknown. If agreat man were to say it, it would be exquisite language. 

AMPH. Let us go in without waiting any longer. But here comes Alcmeneclothed in all her charms. Doubtless she does not expect me so soon, andmy arrival will surprise her. 

SCENE II

ALCMENE, CLEANTHIS, AMPHITRYON, SOSIE

ALC. Come, Cleanthis, let us attend the Gods, pay them our homage formy husband's sake, and thank them for the glorious success, of whichThebes, by his arm, reaps the advantage. O ye Gods!

AMPH. Heaven grant that victorious Amphitryon may be met with renewedpleasure by his wife: that this day may be favourable to my passion, andrestore you to me with the same heart: may I again find as much love asmy heart brings to you!

ALC. Ah! Have you returned so soon. 

AMPH. Really, you give me but a sorry proof of your love; this, 'Ah!have you returned so soon?' is scarcely the language a heart reallyinflamed with love would use on such an occasion as this. I dared toflatter myself I had remained away from you too long. The expectationof an ardently longed for return makes each moment seem of great length;the absence of what we love, however brief it may be, is always toolong. 

ALC. I do not see... 

AMPH. No, Alcmene, time is measured in such cases by one's impatience;you count the moments of absence as one who does not love. When wereally love, the slightest separation kills us; the one whom we love tosee never returns too soon. I confess that the love I bear you has causeto complain of your reception; I expected different expressions of joyand tenderness from your heart. 

ALC. I cannot understand on what you found the words you have justuttered; if you complain of me, upon my word I do not know what wouldsatisfy you. I think I showed a sufficiently tender joy last night, atyour happy return; my heart responded by every means you could wish tothe claims of your affection. 

AMPH. In what way?

ALC. Did I not clearly show the sudden transports of a perfect joy?Could a heart's feelings be better expressed at the return of a husbandwho is tenderly loved?

AMPH. What do you say?

ALC. That even your affection showed an inconceivable joy at myreception; and that, as you left me at break of day, I do not see thatmy surprise at this sudden return is so guilty. 

AMPH. Did you, in a dream last night, Alcmene, anticipate in idea thereality of my hastened return; and having, perhaps, treated me kindly inyour sleep, does your heart think it has fully acquitted itself of itsduty to my passion?

ALC. Has some malignant vapour in your mind, Amphitryon, clouded thetruth of last night's return? Does your heart pretend to take away fromme the credit of all the gentle affection I showed you in my tenderwelcome?

AMPH. This vapour you attribute to me seems to me somewhat strange. 

ALC. It is in return for the dream which you attribute to me. 

AMPH. Unless it is because of a dream, what you have just now told me isentirely inexcusable. 

ALC. Unless it is a vapour which troubles your mind, what I have heardfrom you cannot be justified. 

AMPH. Let us leave this vapour for a moment, Alcmene. 

ALC. Let us leave this dream for a moment, Amphitryon. 

AMPH. One cannot jest on the subject in question without being carriedtoo far. 

ALC. Undoubtedly; and, as a sure proof of it, I begin to feel somewhatuneasy. 

AMPH. Is it thus you wish to try to make amends for the welcome of whichI complain?

ALC. Do you desire to try to amuse yourself by this feint?

AMPH. For Heaven's, sake, I beseech you, Alcmene! Let us cease this, andtalk seriously. 

ALC. You carry your amusement too far, Amphitryon: let there be an endto this raillery. 

AMPH. Do you really dare maintain to my face that I was seen here beforethis hour?

ALC. Have you really the assurance to deny that you came here earlyyesterday evening?

AMPH. I! I came yesterday?

ALC. Certainly; and you went away again before dawn. 

AMPH. Heavens! Was ever such a debate as this heard before? Who wouldnot be astonished at all this? Sosie?

SOS. She needs six grains of hellebore, Monsieur; her brain is turned. 

AMPH. Alcmene, in the name of all the Gods, this discourse will have astrange ending! Recollect your senses a little better, and think whatyou say. 

ALC. I am indeed thinking seriously; all in the house saw your arrival. I am ignorant what motive makes you act thus; but, if the thing werein need of proof, if it were true that such a thing could be forgotten, from whom, but from you, could I have heard the news of the latest ofall your battles, and of the five diamonds worn by Pterelas, who wasplunged into eternal night by the strength of your arm? Could one wishfor surer testimony?

AMPH. What? I have already given you the cluster of diamonds which I hadfor my share, and intended for you?

ALC. Assuredly. It is not difficult to convince you thoroughly on thatpoint. 

AMPH. How?

ALC. Here it is. 

AMPH. Sosie!

SOS. She is jesting: I have it here; Monsieur, the feint is useless. 

AMPH. The seal is whole. 

ALC. Is it a vision? There. Will you think this proof strong enough?

AMPH. Ah Heaven! O just Heaven!

ALC. Come, Amphitryon, you are joking in acting thus: you ought to beashamed of it. 

AMPH. Break this seal, quickly. 

SOS. (Having opened the casket. ) Upon my word, the casket is empty. It must have been taken out by witchcraft, or else it came by itself aguide, to her whom it knew it was intended to adorn. 

AMPH. O Gods, whose power governs all things, what is this adventure?What can I augur from it that does not clutch at my heart?

SOS. If she speaks the truth, we have the same lot, and, like me, Monsieur, you are double. 

AMPH. Be silent. 

ALC. Why are you so surprised? What causes all this confusion?

AMPH. O Heaven! What strange perplexity! I see incidents which surpassNature, and my honour fears an adventure which my mind does notunderstand. 

ALC. Do you still wish to deny your hasty return, when you have thissensible proof of it?

AMPH. No; but if it be possible, deign to tell me what passed at thisreturn. 

ALC. Since you ask an account of the matter, you still say it was notyou?

AMPH. Pardon me; but I have a certain reason which makes me ask you togive us this account. 

ALC. Have the important cares which perhaps engross you made you soquickly lose the remembrance of it?

AMPH. Perhaps; but, in short, you would please me by telling me thewhole story. 

ALC. The story is not long. I advanced towards you full of a delightedsurprise; I embraced you tenderly, and showed my joy more than once. 

AMPH. (to himself. ) Ah! I could have done without so sweet a welcome. 

ALC. You first made me this valuable gift, which you destined for mefrom the spoils of the conquered. Your heart vehemently unfolded to meall the violence of its love, and the annoying duties which had kept itenchained, the happiness of seeing me again, the torments of absence, all the care which your impatience to return had given you; neverhas your love, on similar occasions, seemed to me so tender and sopassionate. 

AMPH. (to himself. ) Can one be more cruelly tortured?

ALC. As you may well believe, these transports and this tenderness didnot displease me; if I must confess it, Amphitryon, my heart found athousand charms in them. 

AMPH. What followed, pray?

ALC. We interrupted each other with a thousand questions concerning eachother. The table was laid. We supped together by ourselves; and, supperover, we went to bed. 

AMPH. Together?

ALC. Assuredly. What a question?

AMPH. Ah; this is the most cruel stroke of all; my jealous passiontrembled to assure itself of this. 

ALC. Why do you blush so deeply at a word? Have I done something wrongin going to bed with you?

AMPH. No, to my great misery, it was not I; whoever says I was hereyesterday, tells, of all falsehoods, the most horrible. 

ALC. Amphitryon!

AMPH. Perfidious woman!

ALC. Ah! What madness is this!

AMPH. No, no; no more sweetness, no more respect; this rebuff puts anend to all my constancy; at this ghastly moment, my heart breathes onlyfury and, vengeance. 

ALC. On whom then would you be avenged? What want of faith in me makesyou treat me now as a criminal?

AMPH. I do not know, but it was not I; this despair makes me capable ofanything. 

ALC. Away unworthy husband, the deed speaks for itself, the impostureis frightful. It is too great an insult to accuse me of infidelity. If these confused transports mean that you seek a pretext to break thenuptial bonds which hold me enchained to you, all these pretences aresuperfluous, for I am determined that this day all our ties shall bebroken. 

AMPH. After the unworthy affront, which I now learn has been done me, that is indeed what you must prepare yourself for; it is the least thatcan be expected; and things may not perhaps remain there. The dishonouris sure; my misery is made plain to me; and my pride in vain would hideit from me. The details are still not clear: My anger is just and Iclaim to be enlightened. Your brother can positively avouch that I didnot leave him until this morning: I will go and seek him, in order thatI may confound you about the return falsely imputed to me. Afterwards, we will penetrate to the bottom of a mystery unheard of until now; and, in the fury of a righteous anger, woe to him who has betrayed me!

SOS. Monsieur... 

AMPH. Do not accompany me, but remain here for me. 

CLE. Must I... ?

ALC. I cannot hear anything: leave me alone: do not follow me. 

SCENE III

CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

CLE. Something must have turned his brain; but the brother will soonfinish this quarrel. 

SOS. This is a very sharp blow for my master; his fate is cruel. I greatly fear something coming for myself. I will go softly inenlightening her. 

CLE. Let me see whether he will so much as speak to me! I will notreveal anything. 

SOS. These things are often annoying when one knows about them: Ihesitate to ask her. Would it not be better not to risk anything, and toignore what may have happened? Yet, at all hazard, I must see. I cannothelp myself. Curiosity concerning things which one would rather not knowis a human weakness. Heaven preserve you, Cleanthis!

CLE. Ah! Ah! You dare to come near me, you villain!

SOS. Good Heavens! What is the matter with you? You are always in atemper, and become angry about nothing!

CLE. What do you call about nothing? Speak out. 

SOS. I call about nothing what is called about nothing in verse as wellas in prose; and nothing, as you well know, means to say nothing, orvery little. 

CLE. I do not know what keeps me from scratching your eyes out, infamousrascal, to teach you how far the anger of a woman can go. 

SOS. Hullo! What do you mean by this furious rage?

CLE. Then you call that nothing, perhaps, which you have done to me?

SOS. What was that?

CLE. So? You feign to be innocent? Do you follow the example of yourmaster and say you did not return here?

SOS. No, I know the contrary too well; but I will be frank with you. We had drunk some wretched wine, which might have made me forget what Idid. 

CLE. You think, perhaps, to excuse yourself by this trick, ... 

SOS. No, in truth you may believe me. I was in such a condition that Imay have done things I should regret; I do not remember what they were. 

CLE. You do not even remember the manner in which you thought fit totreat me when you came from the port?

SOS. Not at all. You had better tell me all about it; I am just andsincere, and would condemn myself were I wrong. 

CLE. Well? Amphitryon having warned me of your return, I sat up until youcame; but I never saw such coldness: I had myself to remind you that youhad a wife; and, when I wanted to kiss you, you, turned away your head, and gave me your ear. 

SOS. Good. 

CLE. What do you mean by good?

SOS. Good gracious! You do not know why I talk like this, Cleanthis: Ihad been eating garlic, and, like a well-bred man, just turned my breathaway from you. 

CLE. I showed you every possible tenderness; but you were as deaf as apost to everything I said; never a kind word passed your lips. 

SOS. Courage!

CLE. In short, my flame bad to burn alone, its chaste ardour did notfind anything in you but ice; you were the culprit in a return thatmight have been so different: you even went so far as to refuse to takeyour place in bed, which the laws of wedlock oblige you to occupy. 

SOS. What? Did I not go to bed?

CLE. No, you coward. 

SOS. Is it possible?

CLE. It is but too true, you rascal. Of all affronts this affront is thegreatest; and, instead of your heart repairing its wrong this morning, you left me with words full of undisguised contempt. 

SOS. Vivat Sosie!

CLE. Eh, what? Has my complaint had this effect? You laugh at your finegoings on?

SOS. How pleased I am with myself!

CLE. Is this the way to express your grief at such an outrage?

SOS. I should never have believed I could be so prudent. 

CLE. Instead of condemning yourself for such a perfidious trick, yourejoice at it to my face!

SOS. Good gracious! Gently, gently! If I appear pleased, you mustbelieve that I have a very strong private reason for it; withoutthinking of it, I never did better than in using you in such a manner asI did. 

CLE. Are you laughing at me, you villain?

SOS. No, I am speaking openly to you. I was in a wretched state. I hada certain load, which your words have lifted from my soul. I was veryapprehensive, and feared that I had played the fool with you. 

CLE. What is this fear? Come, let us know what you mean. 

SOS. The doctors say that, when one is drunk, one should abstain fromone's wife, for, in that condition we can only have children who aredull, and who cannot live. Think, if my heart had not armed itself withcoldness, what troubles might have followed!

CLE. I do not care a fig for doctors, with their insipid reasonings. Letthem rule those who are sick without wishing to govern healthy people. They meddle with too many affairs when they seek to rein in our chastedesires; in addition to the dog days, and their strict rules, they tellus a hundred ridiculous stories into the bargain. 

SOS. Gently. 

CLE. No; I maintain theirs is a worthless conclusion: those reasons comefrom idiotic brains. Neither wine nor time ought to prevent the dutiesof conjugal love from being fulfilled; doctors are donkeys. 

SOS. I entreat you, moderate your anger against them; they are honestpeople, whatever the world may say of them. 

CLE. Things are not what you think them; you can shut up; your excusewill not go down; and, sooner or later, I tell you plainly, I willavenge myself for the contempt you show me every day. I remembereverything you said just now, and I shall try to make use of the libertyyou gave me, You faithless, cowardly husband. 

SOS. What?

CLE. You told me just now, you villain, that you would heartily agree tomy loving another. 

SOS. Ah! In that matter I was wrong. I retract; my honour is at stake. You had better beware you do not give way to that sentiment. 

CLE. Nevertheless if some time I can make up my mind to the thing... 

SOS. Just stop talking for the present. Amphitryon is coming back, andhe seems pleased. 

SCENE IV

JUPITER, CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

JUP. I shall take this opportunity of appearing to Alcmene to banishthe sorrow in which she wishes to indulge, and, under the pretencethat brings me here, I will gratify my passion with the delight of areconciliation with her. Alcmene is upstairs, is she not?

CLE. Yes; she is thoroughly upset and wishes to be left alone: she hasforbidden me to follow her. 

JUP. Whatever prohibition she may have given you does not concern me. 

CLE. So far as I can see, his grief has beaten a quick retreat. 

SCENE V

CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

SOS. What do you say, Cleanthis, to these cheerful looks, after histerrible rage?

CLE. That we should all do well to send all men to the devil; the bestof them is not worth much. 

SOS. You say that because you are in a passion; but you are too fond ofmen; upon my word, you would all look as black as thunder if the devilwere to take them all away. 

CLE. Really... 

SOS. Here they come. Hush. 

SCENE VI

JUPITER, ALCMENE, CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

JUP. Do you want to drive me to despair? Alas! Stay, lovely Alcmene. 

ALC. No, I cannot remain longer with the author of my grief. 

JUP. I beseech you

ALC. Leave me. 

JUP. What... ?

ALC. Leave me, I tell you. 

JUP. Her tears touch me to the heart; her sorrow troubles me. Allow meto

ALC. No, do not follow me. 

JUP. Where are you going?

ALC. Where you are not. 

JUP. That would be a vain attempt to make. I am linked to your beautyby too close a bond to suffer a moment's separation from you. I shallfollow you everywhere, Alcmene. 

ALC. And I shall flee from you everywhere. 

JUP. I am very terrible, then!

ALC. Yes, more than I can say. Indeed, I look upon you as a frightfulmonster, a cruel, furious monster, whose approach is to be feared; as amonster to be avoided everywhere. My heart suffers incredible griefat the sight of you; it is a torture that overpowers me; I do not knowanything under Heaven so frightful, horrible and odious, that I couldnot better endure than you. 

JUP. Alas! Do these words really come from your mouth?

ALC. I have many more in my heart; I only regret I cannot find words toexpress all I feel. 

JUP. Ah! What has my heart done to you, Alcmene, that I should be lookedupon as such a monster?

ALC. Oh! Just Heaven! He can ask that? Is it not enough to drive me mad?

JUP. Yet, in a milder spirit... 

ALC. No; I do not wish either to see or to hear anything of you. 

JUP. Have you really the heart to treat me thus? Is this the tender lovewhich I heard yesterday was to last so long?

ALC. No, no, it is not; your base insults have ordained it otherwise. That passionate and tender love does not exist any longer; you havecruelly killed it in my heart by a hundred keen wounds. In itsplace stands an inflexible wrath, a lively resentment, an invincibleindignation, the despair of a heart justly incensed, which resolves tohate you for this grievous injury, as much as it was willing to loveyou; that is to say to hate as much as possible. 

JUP. Alas! Your love must have had but little strength, if it can bekilled by so slight a matter! Can a jest divorce us? Is there any needto be so roused at a trifle?

ALC. Ah! It is just that which offends me: that which my anger cannotpardon. I should have felt less wounded by the justifiable transportsof a fit of jealousy. Jealousy makes impressions the force of whichoftentimes carries us beyond our control; at such times the mostdiscreet mind, no doubt, finds it difficult enough to answer for itsdeeds. The violence of a heart which may have been deluded has, in itsvery delusion, a peace-offering for an aggrieved soul, and the love thatgave birth to its fears, furnishes, in spite of all its violence, atleast some reasons to urge as excuse. Outbursts such as these ever havelove as an excuse against anger: for love gave birth to them, and we caneasily pardon what we cannot control. 

But to fly into uncontrollable fury, in gaiety of heart, and socauselessly and keenly to wound the tenderness and honour of a heartthat dearly loves you, ah! It is too cruel a blow: my grief can neverforget it. 

JUP. Yes, you are right, Alcmene; I admit it. This action isunquestionably an odious crime; I do not pretend to justify it longer:yet allow my heart to defend itself in your eyes, and let it reveal toyou who is to blame for this insulting fury. To tell you frankly, it isthe husband Alcmene, who has done this wrong; it is the husband whom youmust blame. The lover has no share in this churlish anger: his heart isnot capable of offending you. He has too much respect and affection foryou ever to think of it; had he been guilty of the crime of doing aughtthat could wound you, he would pierce himself with a hundred stabsbefore your eyes. But the husband has cast aside that humble submissionwhich should always be yours; by his harsh deeds, the husband has madehimself known; he thought the rights of marriage allowed him everything. Yes, it is he no doubt who is guilty towards you; he only hasill-treated your lovely person. Hate, detest the husband; I consent toit; I yield him to your mercy; but, Alcmene, spare the lover fromthe anger which such an offence gives you; do not let him suffer;differentiate between him and the guilty one; and, finally, in order tobe just, do not punish him for what he has not done. 

ALC. Oh! All these subtleties are but frivolous excuses; such languageonly annoys incensed minds. In vain do you use these ridiculousprevarications. I do not make any distinction in him who offends me;everything in him becomes the object of my anger, the lover and thehusband are alike confounded in its just violence. Both occupy mythoughts; both are painted in the same colours by my wounded heart. Bothare guilty; both have offended me; and both are odious to me. 

JUP. Well! Then, since you wish it, I must charge myself with theoffence. Yes, you are right, when you sacrifice me as a guilty victim toyour resentment. Anger towards me sways you; it is but too just, and allthe terrible wrath you show causes me to suffer only lawful torments. Itis right you should shun my presence, and in your anger threaten to fleefrom me everywhere. I must be a detestable object to you; you are rightin thinking ill of me. My crime in being offensive in your charmingeyes surpasses every horror; it is a crime that offends men and Gods; inshort, as punishment for my insolence I deserve that your hatred shouldvent its utmost upon me. I beg your forgiveness, I beg it upon my knees, I beg it for the sake of the most lively passion, of the tenderest lovefor you, which has ever been kindled in a human breast. If, charmingAlcmene, your heart refuses me the pardon which I have the audacity toseek, then shall a well-aimed stroke put an end to my life, and releaseme from the harsh severity of a penalty which I can no longer bear. Yes, this state of things drives me to despair. Do not think, Alcmene, that, enamoured as I am of your celestial charms, I can live a day under yourwrath. Even these moments' agony is barbarously prolonged and my sadheart sinks under their mortal blows. The cruel wounds of a thousandvultures are not comparable in any way to my lively grief. Alcmene, youhave but to tell me I need not hope for pardon: and immediately thissword, by a happy thrust, shall pierce the heart of a miserable wretchbefore your eyes. This heart, this traitorous heart, too deserving ofdeath, since it has offended an adorable being, will be happy if, indescending into the place of shades, my death appeases your anger, and, after this wretched day, it leaves in your soul no impression of hatredin remembering my love! This is all I ask as a sovereign favour. 

ALC. Ah! Cruel husband. 

JUP. Speak, Alcmene, speak. 

ALC. Must I still keep some kindness for you, who insult me by so manyindignities?

JUP. Whatever resentment an outrage causes us, can it hold out againstthe remorse of a heart deeply in love?

ALC. A heart full of passion would rather expose itself to a thousanddeaths, than offend the object beloved. 

JUP. The more one loves, the easier it is

ALC. No, do not speak to me any longer about it; you deserve my hatred. 

JUP. You hate me then?

ALC. I make every effort to do so, and it annoys me to feel that allyour insults do not yet carry my vengeance so far as yield to it. 

JUP. But why this violence, since I offer to kill myself to satisfy yourrevenge? Pronounce the sentence and immediately I will obey. 

ALC. It is impossible to wish for another's death if hatred be absent. 

JUP. I cannot live unless you abandon the wrath that overwhelms me, andunless you grant me the favour of a pardon which I beg at your feet. Decide to do one or the other quickly: to punish, or to absolve. 

ALC. Alas! The only resolution I can take is but too clearly apparent. My heart has too plainly betrayed me, for me to wish to maintain thisanger: is it not to say we pardon, when we say we cannot hate?

JUP. Ah, charming Alcmene, overwhelmed with delight I must... 

ALC. Forbear: I hate myself for such weakness. 

JUP. Go, Sosie, make haste; a sweet joy fills my soul. See what officersof the army you can find, and ask them to dine with me. (Softly aside. )Mercury can fill his post, while he is away from here. 

SCENE VII

CLEANTHIS, SOSIE

SOS. Come! Now, you see, this couple, Cleanthis. Will you followtheir example, and let us also make peace? Indulge in some slightreconciliation?

CLE. For the sake of your lovely mug, Oh yes! I will, and no mistake. 

SOS. What? You will not?

CLE. No. 

SOS. It doesn't matter to me. So much the worse for you. 

CLE. Well, well, come back. 

SOS. No, not, likely! I shall not do anything of the kind, I shall beangry. I turn now. 

CLE. Go away, you villain, let me alone; one gets tired now and then ofbeing an honest woman. 

END OF THE SECOND ACT

ACT III

SCENE I

AMPHITRYON

Yes, so doubt fate hides him purposely from me; at last am I tired oftrying to find him. I do not know anything that can be more cruel thanmy lot. In spite of all my endeavours, I cannot find him whom I seek;all those I do not seek I find. A thousand tiresome bores, who do notthink they are so, drive me mad with their congratulations on our featsof arms, although they know little of me. In the cruel embarrassment andanxiety that troubles me, they all burden me with their attentions, andtheir rejoicings make my uneasiness worse. In vain I try to pass themby, to flee from their persecutions; their killing friendship stops meon all sides; whilst I reply to the ardour of their expressions by a nodof the head, I mutter under my breath a hundred curses on them. Ah! Howlittle we are flattered by praise, honour and all that a great victorybrings, when inwardly we suffer keen sorrow! How willingly would Iexchange all this glory to have peace of mind! At every turn my jealousytwits me with my disgrace; the more my mind ponders over it, the lesscan I unravel its miserable confusion. The theft of the diamonds doesnot astonish me; seals may be tampered with unperceived; but my mostcruel torment is that she insists I gave the gift to her personallyyesterday. Nature oftentimes produces resemblances, which some impostorshave adopted in order to deceive; but it is inconceivable that, underthese appearances, a man should pass himself off as a husband; there area thousand differences in a relationship such as this which a wife couldeasily detect. The marvellous effects of Thessalian magic have at alltimes been renowned; but I have always looked upon as idle tales thefamous stories everyone talks of. It would be a hard fate if I, after soglorious a victory elsewhere, should be compelled to believe them atthe cost of my own honour. I will question her again upon this wretchedmystery, and see if it is not a silly fancy that has taken advantage ofher disordered brain. O righteous Heaven, may this thought be true, andmay she even have lost her senses, so that I may be happy!

SCENE II

MERCURY, AMPHITRYON

MERC. Since love does not offer me any pleasure here, I will at leastenjoy myself in another way, and enliven my dismal leisure by puttingAmphitron out of all patience. This may not be very charitable in aGod; but I shall not bother myself about that; my planet tells me I amsomewhat given to malice. 

AMPH. How is it that the door is closed at this hour?

MERC. Hullo! Gently, gently! Who knocks?

AMPH. I. 

MERC. Who, I?

AMPH. Ah! Open. 

MERC. What do you mean by 'open'? Who are you, pray, to make such a row, and speak like that?

AMPH. So? You do not know me?

MERC. No, nor have I the least wish to. 

AMPH. Is every one losing his senses today? Is the malady spreading?Sosie! Hullo, Sosie!

MERC. Come, now! Sosie: that is my name; are you afraid I shall forgetit?

AMPH. Do you see me?

MERC. Well enough. What can possess your arm to make such an uproar?What do you want down there?

AMPH. I, you gallows-bird! What do I want?

MERC. What do you not want then? Speak, if you want to be understood. 

AMPH. Listen, you villain: I will come up with a stick to make youunderstand, and give you a fine lesson. How dare you speak to me likethat?

MERC. Softly, softly! If you make the least attempt to create an uproar, I shall send you down some messengers who will annoy you. 

AMPH. Oh Heavens! Did anyone ever conceive such insolence? And from aservant, from a beggar?

MERC. Come, now! What is the matter? Have you gone over everythingcorrectly? Have your big eyes taken everything in? He glares, so savagehe looks! If looks could bite, he would have torn me to shreds by now. 

AMPH. I tremble at what you are bringing upon yourself with all thisimpudent talk. What a frightful storm you are brewing for yourself! Whata tempest of blows will storm down on your back!

MERC. If you do not soon disappear from here, my friend, you may come infor some mauling. 

AMPH. Ah! You villain, you shall know to your confusion what it is for avalet to attack his master. 

MERC. You, my master?

AMPH. Yes, rascal. Do you dare to say you do not recognise me?

MERC. I do not recognise any other master than Amphitryon. 

AMPH. And who, besides myself, may this Amphitryon be?

MERC. Amphitryon?

AMPH. Certainly. 

MERC. Ah! What an illusion! Come, tell me in what decent tavern you haveaddled your brain?

AMPH. What? Again?

MERC. Was it a feast-day wine?

AMPH. Heavens!

MERC. Was it old or new?

AMPH. What insults!

MERC. New goes to one's head, if drunk without water. 

AMPH. Ah! I shall tear your tongue out soon. 

MERC. Pass on, my dear friend; believe me, no one here will listen toyou. I respect wine. Go away, make yourself scarce, and leave Amphitryonto the pleasures which he is tasting. 

AMPH. What! Is Amphitryon in there?

MERC. Rather: covered with the laurels of his fine victory, he is sideby side with the lovely Alcmene enjoying the delights of a charmingtete-a-tete. They are tasting the pleasures of being reconciled, nowtheir love-tiff has blown over. Take care how you disturb their sweetprivacy, unless you wish him to punish you for your excessive rashness. 

SCENE III

AMPHITRYON

Ah! What a frightful blow he has given me! How cruelly has he put me toconfusion! If matters are as this villain says, to what a state are myhonour and my affection reduced? What course can I adopt? Am I to noiseit abroad or keep it secret? Ought I, in my anger, to keep the dishonourof my house to myself or make it public? Come! Must one even think whatto do in so gross an affront? I have no standing, nothing to hope for;all my anxiety now shall be how to avenge myself. 

SCENE IV

SOSIE, NAUCRATES, POLIDAS, AMPHITRYON

SOS. All I have been able to do, Monsieur, with all my diligence, is tohave brought these gentlemen here. 

AMPH. Ah! You are here?

SOS. Monsieur. 

AMPH. Insolent, bold rascal!

SOS. What?

AMPH. I shall teach you to treat me thus. 

SOS. What is it? What is the matter with you?

AMPH. What is the matter with me, villain?

SOS. Hullo, gentlemen, come here quickly. 

NAU. Ah! Stay, I beseech you. 

SOS. Of what am I guilty?

AMPH. You ask me that, you scoundrel? Let me satisfy my righteous anger. 

SOS. When they hang any one, they tell him why they do it. 

NAU. At least condescend to tell us what his crime may be. 

SOS. I beseech you, gentlemen, keep a tight hold of me. 

AMPH. Yes! He has just had the audacity to shut the door in my face, andto add threats to a thousand impudent jeers! Ah! You villain!

SOS. I am dead. 

NAU. Restrain this anger. 

SOS. Gentlemen. 

POL. What is it?

SOS. Has he struck me?

AMPH. No, he must have his reward for the language he has made free touse just now. 

SOS. How could that be when I was elsewhere busy carrying out yourorders? These gentlemen here can bear witness that I have just invitedthem to dine with you. 

NAU. That is true: he has just delivered us this message, and would notquit us. 

AMPH. Who gave you that order?

SOS. You. 

AMPH. When?

SOS. After you made your peace, when you were rejoicing at the delightof having appeased Alcmene's anger. 

AMPH. O Heaven! Every instant, every step, adds something to my cruelmartyrdom; I am so utterly confused that I no longer know either what tobelieve or what to say. 

NAU. All he has just told us, of what has happened at your house, surpasses what is natural so much, that before doing anything and beforeflying into such a passion, you ought to clear up the whole of thisadventure. 

AMPH. Come; you can second my efforts; Heaven has brought you here mostopportunely. Let me see what fortune brings me today; let me solve thismystery, and know my fate. Alas! I burn to learn it, and I dread it morethan death. 

SCENE V

JUPITER, AMPHITRYON, NAUCRATES, POLIDAS, SOSIE

JUP. What is this noise that compels me to come down? Who knocks asthough he were master where I am master?

AMPH. Good Gods! What do I see?

NAU. Heaven! What prodigy is this? What? Here are two Amphitryons!

AMPH. My soul is struck dumb. Alas! I cannot do anything more: theadventure is at an end; my fate is clear; what I see tells me all. 

NAU. The more narrowly I watch them, the more I find they resemble eachother. 

SOS. Gentlemen, this is the true one; the other is an impostor who oughtto be chastised. 

POL. Truly, this marvellous resemblance keeps my judgment in suspense. 

AMPH. We have been tricked too long by an execrable rogue; I must breakthe spell with this steel. 

NAU. Stay. 

AMPH. Leave me alone. 

NAU. Ye Gods! What would you do?

AMPH. Punish the miserable treachery of an impostor. 

JUP. Gently, gently! There is very little need of being carried awayby passion; when a man bursts out in such a rage as this, it makes onethink he has bad reasons. 

SOS. Yes; it is an enchanter, who has a talisman that enables him toresemble the masters of houses. 

AMPH. For your share in this insulting language, I shall make you feel athousand blows. 

SOS. My master is a man of courage: he will not allow his followers tobe thrashed. 

AMPH. Let me assuage my deep anger, and wash out my affront in thescoundrel's blood. 

NAU. We shall not suffer this strange combat of Amphitryon againsthimself. 

AMPH. What? Does my honour receive this treatment from you? Do myfriends undertake the defence of a rogue? Far from being the first totake up my vengeance, they themselves place obstacles in the way of myresentment?

NAU. What do you wish us to decide, when two Amphitryons are before usand all the warmth of our friendship is in suspense? If we were now toshow towards you, we fear we might make a mistake, and not recogniseyou. Truly we see in you the appearance of Amphitryon, the glorioussupport of the Thebans' well-being; but we also see the same appearancein him, and we cannot judge which he is. Our duty is not doubtful, the impostor ought to bite the dust at our hands; but this perfectresemblance hides him between you two; and it is too hazardous a stroketo undertake in the dark. Let us find out quietly on which side theimposture may be; then, as soon as we have unravelled the adventure, itwill not be necessary for you to tell us our duty. 

JUP. Yes, you are right, this resemblance authorises you to doubt bothof us. I am not offended to see you cannot make up your minds: I am morereasonable, and excuse you. The eye cannot differentiate between us. Isee one can easily be mistaken. You do not see me give way to anger, nordraw my sword: that is a bad way to enlighten a mystery; I can find onemore gentle and more certain. One of us is Amphitryon; and both of usmay seem so in your eyes. It is for me to end this confusion. I intendto make myself so well known to all, that, at the overwhelming proofs Ishall bring forward to show who I am, he himself shall agree concerningthe blood from which I sprang, and he shall no longer have occasion tosay anything. Before all the Thebans I will reveal the truth to you;the affair is, unquestionably, of sufficient importance to justify myseeking to clear it up in the sight of all. Alcmene expects this publictestimony from me; her virtue, which is outraged by the noise of thismischance, demands justification, and I will see justice is done it. Mylove for her compels me to it. I shall call together an assembly of thenoblest chiefs, for the explanation her honour requires. While waitingwith you for these desirable witnesses, I pray you to condescend tohonour the table to which Sosie has invited you. 

SOS. I was not mistaken, gentlemen, this word puts an end to allirresolution: the real Amphitryon is the Amphitryon who gives dinners. 

AMPH. O Heaven! Can my humiliation go further? Must I indeed suffer themartyrdom of listening to all that this impostor has just said to myface, my arms bound, though his words drive me mad?

NAU. You are wrong to complain. Let us await the explanation which shallrender resentment seasonable. I do not know whether he imposes upon usor not; but he speaks on the matter as though he were right. 

AMPH. Go, you weak-kneed friends, and flatter the imposture. Thebes hasother friends who will flock round me, different from you. I will go andfind some who, sharing the insult, will know how to lend their hand inmy just cause. 

JUP. Ah well! I await them; I shall know how to decide the discussion intheir presence. 

AMPH. You rogue, you think perhaps to evade justice thus; but nothingshall shield you from my vengeance. 

JUP. I shall not now condescend to answer this insulting language; soonI shall be able to confound your fury with two words. 

AMPH. Not Heaven, not Heaven itself can protect you: I shall dog yourfootsteps even to Hell. 

JUP. It will not be necessary; you will soon see I shall not fly away. 

AMPH. Now, before he goes away with these, I will make haste to gathertogether friends who will aid my cause; they will come to my house andhelp me to pierce him with a thousand thrusts. 

JUP. No ceremony, I implore you; let us go quickly into the house. 

NAU. Really, this adventure utterly confounds the senses and the reason. 

SOS. A truce, gentlemen, to all your surprises; let us joyfully sit downto feed until the morning. I intend to feast well, so that I may be ingood condition to relate our valiant deeds! I am itching to attack thedishes; I never felt so hungry. 

SCENE VI

MERCURY, SOSIE

MERC. Stop. What have you come to poke your nose in here for, youimpudent turn-spit?

SOS. Ah! Gently, gently, for mercy's sake!

MERC. Ah! You have come back again! I shall tan your hide for you. 

SOS. Ah! Brave and generous I, compose yourself, I beseech you. Sosie, spare Sosie a little, and do not divert yourself by knocking yourselfdown. 

MERC. Who gave you liberty to call yourself by that name? Did I notexpressly forbid you to do so, under penalty of experiencing a thousandcuts from the cane?

SOS. It is a name we both may bear at the same time, under the samemaster. I am recognised as Sosie everywhere; I permit you to be he, permit me to be so, too. Let us leave it to the two Amphitryons to givevent to their jealousies, and, though they contend, let the two Sosieslive in the bonds of peace. 

MERC. No, one is quite enough; I am determined not to allow anydivision. 

SOS. You shall have precedence over me; I will be the younger, and youshall be the elder. 

MERC. No: a brother is a nuisance, and not to my taste; I intend to bethe only son. 

SOS. O barbarous and tyrannical heart! Allow me at least to be yourshadow. 

MERC. Not at all. 

SOS. Let your soul humanise itself with a little pity! Allow me to benear you in that capacity: I shall be everywhere so submissive a shadowthat you will be pleased with me. 

MERC. No quarter; the law is immutable. If you again have the audacityto go in there, a thousand blows shall be the fruit. 

SOS. Alas! Poor Sosie, to what miserable disgrace are you reduced!

MERC. So? Your lips presume again to give yourself a name I forbid!

SOS. No, I did not intend myself; I was speaking of an old Sosie, whowas formerly a relative of mine, and whom, with the utmost barbarity, they drove out of the house at dinner hour. 

MERC. Take care you do not fall into that idiocy if you wish to remainamong the number of the living. 

SOS. How I would thwack you if I had the courage, for your wretchedpuffed up pride, you double son of a strumpet!

MERC. What do you say?

SOS. Nothing. 

MERC. I am sure you muttered something. 

SOS. Ask anyone; I do not breathe. 

MERC. Nevertheless I am absolutely certain that something about a son ofa strumpet struck my ear. 

SOS. It must have been a parrot roused by the beautiful weather. 

MERC. Adieu. If your back itches for a currying, here is where I live. 

SOS. O Heavens! What a cursed hour is the dinner hour to be turned outof doors! Come, let us yield to fate in our affliction. Let us todayfollow blind caprice, and join the unfortunate Sosie to the unfortunateAmphitryon: it is a suitable union. I see he is coming in good company. 

SCENE VII

AMPHITRYON, ARGATIPHONTIDAS, POSICLES, SOSIE

AMPH. Stay here, gentlemen, follow me a little way off, and do not alladvance, I pray you, until there is need for it. 

POS. I quite understand this blow touches you to the heart. 

AMPH. Ah! My sorrow is bitter through and through: I suffer in myaffection, as much as in my honour. 

POS. If this resemblance is such as is said, Alcmene, without beingguilty... 

AMPH. Ah! In this affair, a simple error becomes a veritable crime, and, though no way consenting, innocence perishes in it. Such errors, in whatever way we look at them, affect us in the most sensitive parts;reason often, often pardons them, when honour and love cannot. 

ARGAT. I do not bother my thoughts about that; but I hate your gentlemenfor their disgraceful delay; it is a proceeding which wounds me to thequick, and one which courageous people will never approve. When anyman has need of us, we ought to throw ourselves headforemost into hisconcerns. Argatiphontidas is not one for compromising matters. It isnot seemly for men of honour to listen to the arguments of a friend'sadversary; one should only listen to vengeance at such times. Theproceeding does not please me; in quarrels such as these we ought alwaysto begin sending the sword through the body, without any nonsense. Yes, whatever happens, you shall see that Argatiphontidas goes straight tothe point. I entreat you not to let the villain die by any other handthan mine. 

AMPH. Come on. 

SOS. I come, Monsieur, to undergo at your knees the just punishment ofcursed audacity. Strike, beat, drub, overwhelm me with blows, kill mein your anger; you will do well, I deserve it; I shall not say a singleword against you. 

AMPH. Get up. What is the matter?

SOS. I have been turned away unceremoniously; thinking to eat andrejoice like them, I did not think that, as it turned out, I was waitingthere to thrash myself. Yes, the other I, valet to the other you, hasplayed the very devil with me once more. The same cruel fate seems topursue us both today, Monsieur. In short, they have un-Sosied me, asthey un-Amphitryon'd you. 

AMPH. Follow me. 

SOS. Is it not better to see if anybody is coming?

SCENE VIII

CLEANTHIS, NAUCRATES, POLIDAS, SOSIE, AMPHITRYON, ARGATIPHONTIDAS, POSICLES

CLE. O Heaven!

AMPH. What frightens you like this? Why are you afraid of me?

CLE. Why! You are up there and I see you here!

NAU. Do not hurry; here he comes to give, before us all, the explanationwe want. If we may believe what he has just said about it, it willbanish away your trouble and care. 

SCENE IX

MERCURY, CLEANTHIS, NAUCRATES, POLIDAS, SOSIE, AMPHITRYON, ARGATIPHONTIDAS, POSICLES

MERC. Yes, you shall all see him; know beforehand that it is thegrand master of the Gods, whom, under the cherished features of thisresemblance, Alcmene has caused to descend here from the heavens. Asfor me, I am Mercury. Not knowing what else to do, I have given hima drubbing whose appearance I took. He may now console himself, forstrokes from the wand of a God confer honour on him who has to submit tothem. 

SOS. Upon my word, Monsieur God, I am your servant; I could have donewithout your attentions. 

MERC. I now give you leave to be Sosie. I am tired of wearing such anugly mug; I am going to the heavens, to scrape it all off with ambrosia. (He flies away to the skies. )

SOS. May Heaven forever keep you from the desire of wishing to come nearme again! Your fury against me has been too bitter; never in my lifehave I seen a God who was more of a devil than you!

SCENE X

JUPITER, CLEANTHIS, NAUCRATES, POLIDAS, SOSIE, AMPHITRYON, ARGATIPHONTIDAS, POSICLES

JUP. (In a cloud, ) Behold, Amphitryon, who has imposed on you; under hisown aspect you see Jupiter. By these signs you may easily know him; theyare sufficient, I think, to restore your heart where it should be tobring back peace and happiness to your family. My name, which the wholeearth continually adores, thus stifles all scandal that might be spreadabroad. A share with Jupiter has nothing that in the least dishonours, for doubtless, it can be but glorious to find one's self the rival ofthe sovereign of the Gods. I do not see any reason why your love shouldmurmur; it is I, God as I am, who ought to be jealous in this affair. Alcmene is wholly yours, whatever means one may employ; it must begratifying to your passion to see that there is no other way of pleasingher than to appear as her husband. Even Jupiter, clothed in his immortalglory, could not by himself undermine her fidelity; what he has receivedfrom her was granted by her ardent heart only to you. 

SOS. The Seigneur Jupiter knows how to gild the pill. 

JUP. Cast aside, therefore, the black care that stifles your heart;restore perfect peace to the ardour which consumes you. In your houseshall be born a son, who, under the name of Hercules, shall cause thevast universe to ring with his deeds. A glorious future crowned witha thousand blessings shall let every one see I am your support; I willmake your fate the envy of the whole world. You may boldly flatteryourself with what these promises confer. It is a crime to doubt them, for the words of Jupiter are the decrees of fate. (He is lost in theclouds. )

NAU. Truly, I am delighted at these evident marks... 

SOS. Gentlemen, will you please take my advice? Do not embark inthese sugary congratulations; it is a bad speculation; phrases areembarrassing on either side, in such a compliment. The great God Jupiterhas done us much honour, and, unquestionably, his kindness towards usis unparalleled; he promises us the infallible happiness of a fortunecrowned with a thousand blessings, and in our house shall be born abrave son. Nothing could be better than this. But, nevertheless, let uscut short our speeches, and each one retire quietly to his own house. Insuch affairs as these, it is always best not to say anything.