HUCKLEBERRY FINN

By Mark Twain

Part 6. 

CHAPTER XXVI. 

WELL, when they was all gone the king he asks Mary Jane how they was offfor spare rooms, and she said she had one spare room, which would do forUncle William, and she'd give her own room to Uncle Harvey, which was alittle bigger, and she would turn into the room with her sisters andsleep on a cot; and up garret was a little cubby, with a pallet in it. The king said the cubby would do for his valley--meaning me. 

So Mary Jane took us up, and she showed them their rooms, which was plainbut nice. She said she'd have her frocks and a lot of other traps tookout of her room if they was in Uncle Harvey's way, but he said theywarn't. The frocks was hung along the wall, and before them was acurtain made out of calico that hung down to the floor. There was an oldhair trunk in one corner, and a guitar-box in another, and all sorts oflittle knickknacks and jimcracks around, like girls brisken up a roomwith. The king said it was all the more homely and more pleasanter forthese fixings, and so don't disturb them. The duke's room was prettysmall, but plenty good enough, and so was my cubby. 

That night they had a big supper, and all them men and women was there, and I stood behind the king and the duke's chairs and waited on them, andthe niggers waited on the rest. Mary Jane she set at the head of thetable, with Susan alongside of her, and said how bad the biscuits was, and how mean the preserves was, and how ornery and tough the friedchickens was--and all that kind of rot, the way women always do for toforce out compliments; and the people all knowed everything was tiptop, and said so--said "How DO you get biscuits to brown so nice?" and "Where, for the land's sake, DID you get these amaz'n pickles?" and all that kindof humbug talky-talk, just the way people always does at a supper, youknow. 

And when it was all done me and the hare-lip had supper in the kitchenoff of the leavings, whilst the others was helping the niggers clean upthe things. The hare-lip she got to pumping me about England, and blestif I didn't think the ice was getting mighty thin sometimes. She says:

"Did you ever see the king?"

"Who? William Fourth? Well, I bet I have--he goes to our church. " Iknowed he was dead years ago, but I never let on. So when I says he goesto our church, she says:

"What--regular?"

"Yes--regular. His pew's right over opposite ourn--on t'other side thepulpit. "

"I thought he lived in London?"

"Well, he does. Where WOULD he live?"

"But I thought YOU lived in Sheffield?"

I see I was up a stump. I had to let on to get choked with a chickenbone, so as to get time to think how to get down again. Then I says:

"I mean he goes to our church regular when he's in Sheffield. That'sonly in the summer time, when he comes there to take the sea baths. "

"Why, how you talk--Sheffield ain't on the sea. "

"Well, who said it was?"

"Why, you did. "

"I DIDN'T nuther. "

"You did!"

"I didn't. "

"You did. "

"I never said nothing of the kind. "

"Well, what DID you say, then?"

"Said he come to take the sea BATHS--that's what I said. "

"Well, then, how's he going to take the sea baths if it ain't on thesea?"

"Looky here, " I says; "did you ever see any Congress-water?"

"Yes. "

"Well, did you have to go to Congress to get it?"

"Why, no. "

"Well, neither does William Fourth have to go to the sea to get a seabath. "

"How does he get it, then?"

"Gets it the way people down here gets Congress-water--in barrels. Therein the palace at Sheffield they've got furnaces, and he wants his waterhot. They can't bile that amount of water away off there at the sea. They haven't got no conveniences for it. "

"Oh, I see, now. You might a said that in the first place and savedtime. "

When she said that I see I was out of the woods again, and so I wascomfortable and glad. Next, she says:

"Do you go to church, too?"

"Yes--regular. "

"Where do you set?"

"Why, in our pew. "

"WHOSE pew?"

"Why, OURN--your Uncle Harvey's. "

"His'n? What does HE want with a pew?"

"Wants it to set in. What did you RECKON he wanted with it?"

"Why, I thought he'd be in the pulpit. "

Rot him, I forgot he was a preacher. I see I was up a stump again, so Iplayed another chicken bone and got another think. Then I says:

"Blame it, do you suppose there ain't but one preacher to a church?"

"Why, what do they want with more?"

"What!--to preach before a king? I never did see such a girl as you. They don't have no less than seventeen. "

"Seventeen! My land! Why, I wouldn't set out such a string as that, notif I NEVER got to glory. It must take 'em a week. "

"Shucks, they don't ALL of 'em preach the same day--only ONE of 'em. "

"Well, then, what does the rest of 'em do?"

"Oh, nothing much. Loll around, pass the plate--and one thing oranother. But mainly they don't do nothing. "

"Well, then, what are they FOR?"

"Why, they're for STYLE. Don't you know nothing?"

"Well, I don't WANT to know no such foolishness as that. How is servantstreated in England? Do they treat 'em better 'n we treat our niggers?"

"NO! A servant ain't nobody there. They treat them worse than dogs. "

"Don't they give 'em holidays, the way we do, Christmas and New Year'sweek, and Fourth of July?"

"Oh, just listen! A body could tell YOU hain't ever been to England bythat. Why, Hare-l--why, Joanna, they never see a holiday from year's endto year's end; never go to the circus, nor theater, nor nigger shows, nornowheres. "

"Nor church?"

"Nor church. "

"But YOU always went to church. "

Well, I was gone up again. I forgot I was the old man's servant. Butnext minute I whirled in on a kind of an explanation how a valley wasdifferent from a common servant and HAD to go to church whether he wantedto or not, and set with the family, on account of its being the law. ButI didn't do it pretty good, and when I got done I see she warn'tsatisfied. She says:

"Honest injun, now, hain't you been telling me a lot of lies?"

"Honest injun, " says I. 

"None of it at all?"

"None of it at all. Not a lie in it, " says I. 

"Lay your hand on this book and say it. "

I see it warn't nothing but a dictionary, so I laid my hand on it andsaid it. So then she looked a little better satisfied, and says:

"Well, then, I'll believe some of it; but I hope to gracious if I'llbelieve the rest. "

"What is it you won't believe, Joe?" says Mary Jane, stepping in withSusan behind her. "It ain't right nor kind for you to talk so to him, and him a stranger and so far from his people. How would you like to betreated so?"

"That's always your way, Maim--always sailing in to help somebody beforethey're hurt. I hain't done nothing to him. He's told some stretchers, I reckon, and I said I wouldn't swallow it all; and that's every bit andgrain I DID say. I reckon he can stand a little thing like that, can'the?"

"I don't care whether 'twas little or whether 'twas big; he's here in ourhouse and a stranger, and it wasn't good of you to say it. If you was inhis place it would make you feel ashamed; and so you oughtn't to say athing to another person that will make THEM feel ashamed. "

"Why, Maim, he said--"

"It don't make no difference what he SAID--that ain't the thing. Thething is for you to treat him KIND, and not be saying things to make himremember he ain't in his own country and amongst his own folks. "

I says to myself, THIS is a girl that I'm letting that old reptle rob herof her money!

Then Susan SHE waltzed in; and if you'll believe me, she did giveHare-lip hark from the tomb!

Says I to myself, and this is ANOTHER one that I'm letting him rob her ofher money!

Then Mary Jane she took another inning, and went in sweet and lovelyagain--which was her way; but when she got done there warn't hardlyanything left o' poor Hare-lip. So she hollered. 

"All right, then, " says the other girls; "you just ask his pardon. "

She done it, too; and she done it beautiful. She done it so beautiful itwas good to hear; and I wished I could tell her a thousand lies, so shecould do it again. 

I says to myself, this is ANOTHER one that I'm letting him rob her of hermoney. And when she got through they all jest laid theirselves out tomake me feel at home and know I was amongst friends. I felt so orneryand low down and mean that I says to myself, my mind's made up; I'll hivethat money for them or bust. 

So then I lit out--for bed, I said, meaning some time or another. When Igot by myself I went to thinking the thing over. I says to myself, shallI go to that doctor, private, and blow on these frauds? No--that won'tdo. He might tell who told him; then the king and the duke would make itwarm for me. Shall I go, private, and tell Mary Jane? No--I dasn't doit. Her face would give them a hint, sure; they've got the money, andthey'd slide right out and get away with it. If she was to fetch in helpI'd get mixed up in the business before it was done with, I judge. No;there ain't no good way but one. I got to steal that money, somehow; andI got to steal it some way that they won't suspicion that I done it. They've got a good thing here, and they ain't a-going to leave tillthey've played this family and this town for all they're worth, so I'llfind a chance time enough. I'll steal it and hide it; and by and by, whenI'm away down the river, I'll write a letter and tell Mary Jane whereit's hid. But I better hive it tonight if I can, because the doctormaybe hasn't let up as much as he lets on he has; he might scare them outof here yet. 

So, thinks I, I'll go and search them rooms. Upstairs the hall was dark, but I found the duke's room, and started to paw around it with my hands;but I recollected it wouldn't be much like the king to let anybody elsetake care of that money but his own self; so then I went to his room andbegun to paw around there. But I see I couldn't do nothing without acandle, and I dasn't light one, of course. So I judged I'd got to do theother thing--lay for them and eavesdrop. About that time I hears theirfootsteps coming, and was going to skip under the bed; I reached for it, but it wasn't where I thought it would be; but I touched the curtain thathid Mary Jane's frocks, so I jumped in behind that and snuggled inamongst the gowns, and stood there perfectly still. 

They come in and shut the door; and the first thing the duke done was toget down and look under the bed. Then I was glad I hadn't found the bedwhen I wanted it. And yet, you know, it's kind of natural to hide underthe bed when you are up to anything private. They sets down then, andthe king says:

"Well, what is it? And cut it middlin' short, because it's better for usto be down there a-whoopin' up the mournin' than up here givin' 'em achance to talk us over. "

"Well, this is it, Capet. I ain't easy; I ain't comfortable. Thatdoctor lays on my mind. I wanted to know your plans. I've got a notion, and I think it's a sound one. "

"What is it, duke?"

"That we better glide out of this before three in the morning, and clipit down the river with what we've got. Specially, seeing we got it soeasy--GIVEN back to us, flung at our heads, as you may say, when ofcourse we allowed to have to steal it back. I'm for knocking off andlighting out. "

That made me feel pretty bad. About an hour or two ago it would a been alittle different, but now it made me feel bad and disappointed, The kingrips out and says:

"What! And not sell out the rest o' the property? March off like apassel of fools and leave eight or nine thous'n' dollars' worth o'property layin' around jest sufferin' to be scooped in?--and all good, salable stuff, too. "

The duke he grumbled; said the bag of gold was enough, and he didn't wantto go no deeper--didn't want to rob a lot of orphans of EVERYTHING theyhad. 

"Why, how you talk!" says the king. "We sha'n't rob 'em of nothing atall but jest this money. The people that BUYS the property is thesuff'rers; because as soon 's it's found out 'at we didn't own it--whichwon't be long after we've slid--the sale won't be valid, and it 'll allgo back to the estate. These yer orphans 'll git their house back agin, and that's enough for THEM; they're young and spry, and k'n easy earn alivin'. THEY ain't a-goin to suffer. Why, jest think--there's thous'n'sand thous'n's that ain't nigh so well off. Bless you, THEY ain't gotnoth'n' to complain of. "

Well, the king he talked him blind; so at last he give in, and said allright, but said he believed it was blamed foolishness to stay, and thatdoctor hanging over them. But the king says:

"Cuss the doctor! What do we k'yer for HIM? Hain't we got all the foolsin town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?"

So they got ready to go down stairs again. The duke says:

"I don't think we put that money in a good place. "

That cheered me up. I'd begun to think I warn't going to get a hint ofno kind to help me. The king says:

"Why?"

"Because Mary Jane 'll be in mourning from this out; and first you knowthe nigger that does up the rooms will get an order to box these duds upand put 'em away; and do you reckon a nigger can run across money and notborrow some of it?"

"Your head's level agin, duke, " says the king; and he comes a-fumblingunder the curtain two or three foot from where I was. I stuck tight tothe wall and kept mighty still, though quivery; and I wondered what themfellows would say to me if they catched me; and I tried to think what I'dbetter do if they did catch me. But the king he got the bag before Icould think more than about a half a thought, and he never suspicioned Iwas around. They took and shoved the bag through a rip in the straw tickthat was under the feather-bed, and crammed it in a foot or two amongstthe straw and said it was all right now, because a nigger only makes upthe feather-bed, and don't turn over the straw tick only about twice ayear, and so it warn't in no danger of getting stole now. 

But I knowed better. I had it out of there before they was half-way downstairs. I groped along up to my cubby, and hid it there till I could geta chance to do better. I judged I better hide it outside of the housesomewheres, because if they missed it they would give the house a goodransacking: I knowed that very well. Then I turned in, with my clothesall on; but I couldn't a gone to sleep if I'd a wanted to, I was in sucha sweat to get through with the business. By and by I heard the king andthe duke come up; so I rolled off my pallet and laid with my chin at thetop of my ladder, and waited to see if anything was going to happen. Butnothing did. 

So I held on till all the late sounds had quit and the early ones hadn'tbegun yet; and then I slipped down the ladder. 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

I CREPT to their doors and listened; they was snoring. So I tiptoedalong, and got down stairs all right. There warn't a sound anywheres. Ipeeped through a crack of the dining-room door, and see the men that waswatching the corpse all sound asleep on their chairs. The door was openinto the parlor, where the corpse was laying, and there was a candle inboth rooms. I passed along, and the parlor door was open; but I see therewarn't nobody in there but the remainders of Peter; so I shoved on by;but the front door was locked, and the key wasn't there. Just then Iheard somebody coming down the stairs, back behind me. I run in theparlor and took a swift look around, and the only place I see to hide thebag was in the coffin. The lid was shoved along about a foot, showingthe dead man's face down in there, with a wet cloth over it, and hisshroud on. I tucked the money-bag in under the lid, just down beyondwhere his hands was crossed, which made me creep, they was so cold, andthen I run back across the room and in behind the door. 

The person coming was Mary Jane. She went to the coffin, very soft, andkneeled down and looked in; then she put up her handkerchief, and I seeshe begun to cry, though I couldn't hear her, and her back was to me. Islid out, and as I passed the dining-room I thought I'd make sure themwatchers hadn't seen me; so I looked through the crack, and everythingwas all right. They hadn't stirred. 

I slipped up to bed, feeling ruther blue, on accounts of the thingplaying out that way after I had took so much trouble and run so muchresk about it. Says I, if it could stay where it is, all right; becausewhen we get down the river a hundred mile or two I could write back toMary Jane, and she could dig him up again and get it; but that ain't thething that's going to happen; the thing that's going to happen is, themoney 'll be found when they come to screw on the lid. Then the king 'llget it again, and it 'll be a long day before he gives anybody anotherchance to smouch it from him. Of course I WANTED to slide down and get itout of there, but I dasn't try it. Every minute it was getting earliernow, and pretty soon some of them watchers would begin to stir, and Imight get catched--catched with six thousand dollars in my hands thatnobody hadn't hired me to take care of. I don't wish to be mixed up inno such business as that, I says to myself. 

When I got down stairs in the morning the parlor was shut up, and thewatchers was gone. There warn't nobody around but the family and thewidow Bartley and our tribe. I watched their faces to see if anythinghad been happening, but I couldn't tell. 

Towards the middle of the day the undertaker come with his man, and theyset the coffin in the middle of the room on a couple of chairs, and thenset all our chairs in rows, and borrowed more from the neighbors till thehall and the parlor and the dining-room was full. I see the coffin lidwas the way it was before, but I dasn't go to look in under it, withfolks around. 

Then the people begun to flock in, and the beats and the girls took seatsin the front row at the head of the coffin, and for a half an hour thepeople filed around slow, in single rank, and looked down at the deadman's face a minute, and some dropped in a tear, and it was all verystill and solemn, only the girls and the beats holding handkerchiefs totheir eyes and keeping their heads bent, and sobbing a little. Therewarn't no other sound but the scraping of the feet on the floor andblowing noses--because people always blows them more at a funeral thanthey do at other places except church. 

When the place was packed full the undertaker he slid around in his blackgloves with his softy soothering ways, putting on the last touches, andgetting people and things all ship-shape and comfortable, and making nomore sound than a cat. He never spoke; he moved people around, hesqueezed in late ones, he opened up passageways, and done it with nods, and signs with his hands. Then he took his place over against the wall. He was the softest, glidingest, stealthiest man I ever see; and therewarn't no more smile to him than there is to a ham. 

They had borrowed a melodeum--a sick one; and when everything was ready ayoung woman set down and worked it, and it was pretty skreeky andcolicky, and everybody joined in and sung, and Peter was the only onethat had a good thing, according to my notion. Then the Reverend Hobsonopened up, slow and solemn, and begun to talk; and straight off the mostoutrageous row busted out in the cellar a body ever heard; it was onlyone dog, but he made a most powerful racket, and he kept it up rightalong; the parson he had to stand there, over the coffin, and wait--youcouldn't hear yourself think. It was right down awkward, and nobodydidn't seem to know what to do. But pretty soon they see thatlong-legged undertaker make a sign to the preacher as much as to say, "Don't you worry--just depend on me. " Then he stooped down and begun toglide along the wall, just his shoulders showing over the people's heads. So he glided along, and the powwow and racket getting more and moreoutrageous all the time; and at last, when he had gone around two sidesof the room, he disappears down cellar. Then in about two seconds weheard a whack, and the dog he finished up with a most amazing howl ortwo, and then everything was dead still, and the parson begun his solemntalk where he left off. In a minute or two here comes this undertaker'sback and shoulders gliding along the wall again; and so he glided andglided around three sides of the room, and then rose up, and shaded hismouth with his hands, and stretched his neck out towards the preacher, over the people's heads, and says, in a kind of a coarse whisper, "HE HADA RAT!" Then he drooped down and glided along the wall again to hisplace. You could see it was a great satisfaction to the people, becausenaturally they wanted to know. A little thing like that don't costnothing, and it's just the little things that makes a man to be looked upto and liked. There warn't no more popular man in town than what thatundertaker was. 

Well, the funeral sermon was very good, but pison long and tiresome; andthen the king he shoved in and got off some of his usual rubbage, and atlast the job was through, and the undertaker begun to sneak up on thecoffin with his screw-driver. I was in a sweat then, and watched himpretty keen. But he never meddled at all; just slid the lid along as softas mush, and screwed it down tight and fast. So there I was! I didn'tknow whether the money was in there or not. So, says I, s'pose somebodyhas hogged that bag on the sly?--now how do I know whether to write toMary Jane or not? S'pose she dug him up and didn't find nothing, whatwould she think of me? Blame it, I says, I might get hunted up andjailed; I'd better lay low and keep dark, and not write at all; thething's awful mixed now; trying to better it, I've worsened it a hundredtimes, and I wish to goodness I'd just let it alone, dad fetch the wholebusiness!

They buried him, and we come back home, and I went to watching facesagain--I couldn't help it, and I couldn't rest easy. But nothing comeof it; the faces didn't tell me nothing. 

The king he visited around in the evening, and sweetened everybody up, and made himself ever so friendly; and he give out the idea that hiscongregation over in England would be in a sweat about him, so he musthurry and settle up the estate right away and leave for home. He wasvery sorry he was so pushed, and so was everybody; they wished he couldstay longer, but they said they could see it couldn't be done. And hesaid of course him and William would take the girls home with them; andthat pleased everybody too, because then the girls would be well fixedand amongst their own relations; and it pleased the girls, too--tickledthem so they clean forgot they ever had a trouble in the world; and toldhim to sell out as quick as he wanted to, they would be ready. Them poorthings was that glad and happy it made my heart ache to see them gettingfooled and lied to so, but I didn't see no safe way for me to chip in andchange the general tune. 

Well, blamed if the king didn't bill the house and the niggers and allthe property for auction straight off--sale two days after the funeral;but anybody could buy private beforehand if they wanted to. 

So the next day after the funeral, along about noon-time, the girls' joygot the first jolt. A couple of nigger traders come along, and the kingsold them the niggers reasonable, for three-day drafts as they called it, and away they went, the two sons up the river to Memphis, and theirmother down the river to Orleans. I thought them poor girls and themniggers would break their hearts for grief; they cried around each other, and took on so it most made me down sick to see it. The girls said theyhadn't ever dreamed of seeing the family separated or sold away from thetown. I can't ever get it out of my memory, the sight of them poormiserable girls and niggers hanging around each other's necks and crying;and I reckon I couldn't a stood it all, but would a had to bust out andtell on our gang if I hadn't knowed the sale warn't no account and theniggers would be back home in a week or two. 

The thing made a big stir in the town, too, and a good many come outflatfooted and said it was scandalous to separate the mother and thechildren that way. It injured the frauds some; but the old fool hebulled right along, spite of all the duke could say or do, and I tell youthe duke was powerful uneasy. 

Next day was auction day. About broad day in the morning the king andthe duke come up in the garret and woke me up, and I see by their lookthat there was trouble. The king says:

"Was you in my room night before last?"

"No, your majesty"--which was the way I always called him when nobody butour gang warn't around. 

"Was you in there yisterday er last night?"

"No, your majesty. "

"Honor bright, now--no lies. "

"Honor bright, your majesty, I'm telling you the truth. I hain't beena-near your room since Miss Mary Jane took you and the duke and showed itto you. "

The duke says:

"Have you seen anybody else go in there?"

"No, your grace, not as I remember, I believe. "

"Stop and think. "

I studied awhile and see my chance; then I says:

"Well, I see the niggers go in there several times. "

Both of them gave a little jump, and looked like they hadn't everexpected it, and then like they HAD. Then the duke says:

"What, all of them?"

"No--leastways, not all at once--that is, I don't think I ever see themall come OUT at once but just one time. "

"Hello! When was that?"

"It was the day we had the funeral. In the morning. It warn't early, because I overslept. I was just starting down the ladder, and I seethem. "

"Well, go on, GO on! What did they do? How'd they act?"

"They didn't do nothing. And they didn't act anyway much, as fur as Isee. They tiptoed away; so I seen, easy enough, that they'd shoved inthere to do up your majesty's room, or something, s'posing you was up;and found you WARN'T up, and so they was hoping to slide out of the wayof trouble without waking you up, if they hadn't already waked you up. "

"Great guns, THIS is a go!" says the king; and both of them looked prettysick and tolerable silly. They stood there a-thinking and scratchingtheir heads a minute, and the duke he bust into a kind of a little raspychuckle, and says:

"It does beat all how neat the niggers played their hand. They let on tobe SORRY they was going out of this region! And I believed they WASsorry, and so did you, and so did everybody. Don't ever tell ME any morethat a nigger ain't got any histrionic talent. Why, the way they playedthat thing it would fool ANYBODY. In my opinion, there's a fortune in'em. If I had capital and a theater, I wouldn't want a better lay-outthan that--and here we've gone and sold 'em for a song. Yes, and ain'tprivileged to sing the song yet. Say, where IS that song--that draft?"

"In the bank for to be collected. Where WOULD it be?"

"Well, THAT'S all right then, thank goodness. "

Says I, kind of timid-like:

"Is something gone wrong?"

The king whirls on me and rips out:

"None o' your business! You keep your head shet, and mind y'r ownaffairs--if you got any. Long as you're in this town don't you forgitTHAT--you hear?" Then he says to the duke, "We got to jest swaller itand say noth'n': mum's the word for US. "

As they was starting down the ladder the duke he chuckles again, andsays:

"Quick sales AND small profits! It's a good business--yes. "

The king snarls around on him and says:

"I was trying to do for the best in sellin' 'em out so quick. If theprofits has turned out to be none, lackin' considable, and none to carry, is it my fault any more'n it's yourn?"

"Well, THEY'D be in this house yet and we WOULDN'T if I could a got myadvice listened to. "

The king sassed back as much as was safe for him, and then swapped aroundand lit into ME again. He give me down the banks for not coming andTELLING him I see the niggers come out of his room acting that way--saidany fool would a KNOWED something was up. And then waltzed in and cussedHIMSELF awhile, and said it all come of him not laying late and takinghis natural rest that morning, and he'd be blamed if he'd ever do itagain. So they went off a-jawing; and I felt dreadful glad I'd worked itall off on to the niggers, and yet hadn't done the niggers no harm by it. 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 

BY and by it was getting-up time. So I come down the ladder and startedfor down-stairs; but as I come to the girls' room the door was open, andI see Mary Jane setting by her old hair trunk, which was open and she'dbeen packing things in it--getting ready to go to England. But she hadstopped now with a folded gown in her lap, and had her face in her hands, crying. I felt awful bad to see it; of course anybody would. I went inthere and says:

"Miss Mary Jane, you can't a-bear to see people in trouble, and I can't--most always. Tell me about it. "

So she done it. And it was the niggers--I just expected it. She saidthe beautiful trip to England was most about spoiled for her; she didn'tknow HOW she was ever going to be happy there, knowing the mother and thechildren warn't ever going to see each other no more--and then busted outbitterer than ever, and flung up her hands, and says:

"Oh, dear, dear, to think they ain't EVER going to see each other anymore!"

"But they WILL--and inside of two weeks--and I KNOW it!" says I. 

Laws, it was out before I could think! And before I could budge shethrows her arms around my neck and told me to say it AGAIN, say it AGAIN, say it AGAIN!

I see I had spoke too sudden and said too much, and was in a close place. I asked her to let me think a minute; and she set there, very impatientand excited and handsome, but looking kind of happy and eased-up, like aperson that's had a tooth pulled out. So I went to studying it out. Isays to myself, I reckon a body that ups and tells the truth when he isin a tight place is taking considerable many resks, though I ain't had noexperience, and can't say for certain; but it looks so to me, anyway; andyet here's a case where I'm blest if it don't look to me like the truthis better and actuly SAFER than a lie. I must lay it by in my mind, andthink it over some time or other, it's so kind of strange and unregular. I never see nothing like it. Well, I says to myself at last, I'm a-goingto chance it; I'll up and tell the truth this time, though it does seemmost like setting down on a kag of powder and touching it off just to seewhere you'll go to. Then I says:

"Miss Mary Jane, is there any place out of town a little ways where youcould go and stay three or four days?"

"Yes; Mr. Lothrop's. Why?"

"Never mind why yet. If I'll tell you how I know the niggers will seeeach other again inside of two weeks--here in this house--and PROVE how Iknow it--will you go to Mr. Lothrop's and stay four days?"

"Four days!" she says; "I'll stay a year!"

"All right, " I says, "I don't want nothing more out of YOU than just yourword--I druther have it than another man's kiss-the-Bible. " She smiledand reddened up very sweet, and I says, "If you don't mind it, I'll shutthe door--and bolt it. "

Then I come back and set down again, and says:

"Don't you holler. Just set still and take it like a man. I got to tellthe truth, and you want to brace up, Miss Mary, because it's a bad kind, and going to be hard to take, but there ain't no help for it. Theseuncles of yourn ain't no uncles at all; they're a couple of frauds--regular dead-beats. There, now we're over the worst of it, you can standthe rest middling easy. "

It jolted her up like everything, of course; but I was over the shoalwater now, so I went right along, her eyes a-blazing higher and higherall the time, and told her every blame thing, from where we first struckthat young fool going up to the steamboat, clear through to where sheflung herself on to the king's breast at the front door and he kissed hersixteen or seventeen times--and then up she jumps, with her face afirelike sunset, and says:

"The brute! Come, don't waste a minute--not a SECOND--we'll have themtarred and feathered, and flung in the river!"

Says I:

"Cert'nly. But do you mean BEFORE you go to Mr. Lothrop's, or--"

"Oh, " she says, "what am I THINKING about!" she says, and set right downagain. "Don't mind what I said--please don't--you WON'T, now, WILL you?"Laying her silky hand on mine in that kind of a way that I said I woulddie first. "I never thought, I was so stirred up, " she says; "now go on, and I won't do so any more. You tell me what to do, and whatever you sayI'll do it. "

"Well, " I says, "it's a rough gang, them two frauds, and I'm fixed so Igot to travel with them a while longer, whether I want to or not--Idruther not tell you why; and if you was to blow on them this town wouldget me out of their claws, and I'd be all right; but there'd be anotherperson that you don't know about who'd be in big trouble. Well, we gotto save HIM, hain't we? Of course. Well, then, we won't blow on them. "

Saying them words put a good idea in my head. I see how maybe I couldget me and Jim rid of the frauds; get them jailed here, and then leave. But I didn't want to run the raft in the daytime without anybody aboardto answer questions but me; so I didn't want the plan to begin workingtill pretty late to-night. I says:

"Miss Mary Jane, I'll tell you what we'll do, and you won't have to stayat Mr. Lothrop's so long, nuther. How fur is it?"

"A little short of four miles--right out in the country, back here. "

"Well, that 'll answer. Now you go along out there, and lay low tillnine or half-past to-night, and then get them to fetch you home again--tell them you've thought of something. If you get here before eleven puta candle in this window, and if I don't turn up wait TILL eleven, andTHEN if I don't turn up it means I'm gone, and out of the way, and safe. Then you come out and spread the news around, and get these beatsjailed. "

"Good, " she says, "I'll do it. "

"And if it just happens so that I don't get away, but get took up alongwith them, you must up and say I told you the whole thing beforehand, andyou must stand by me all you can. "

"Stand by you! indeed I will. They sha'n't touch a hair of your head!"she says, and I see her nostrils spread and her eyes snap when she saidit, too. 

"If I get away I sha'n't be here, " I says, "to prove these rapscallionsain't your uncles, and I couldn't do it if I WAS here. I could swearthey was beats and bummers, that's all, though that's worth something. Well, there's others can do that better than what I can, and they'repeople that ain't going to be doubted as quick as I'd be. I'll tell youhow to find them. Gimme a pencil and a piece of paper. There--'RoyalNonesuch, Bricksville. ' Put it away, and don't lose it. When the courtwants to find out something about these two, let them send up toBricksville and say they've got the men that played the Royal Nonesuch, and ask for some witnesses--why, you'll have that entire town down herebefore you can hardly wink, Miss Mary. And they'll come a-biling, too. "

I judged we had got everything fixed about right now. So I says:

"Just let the auction go right along, and don't worry. Nobody don't haveto pay for the things they buy till a whole day after the auction onaccounts of the short notice, and they ain't going out of this till theyget that money; and the way we've fixed it the sale ain't going to count, and they ain't going to get no money. It's just like the way it was withthe niggers--it warn't no sale, and the niggers will be back beforelong. Why, they can't collect the money for the NIGGERS yet--they're inthe worst kind of a fix, Miss Mary. "

"Well, " she says, "I'll run down to breakfast now, and then I'll startstraight for Mr. Lothrop's. "

"'Deed, THAT ain't the ticket, Miss Mary Jane, " I says, "by no manner ofmeans; go BEFORE breakfast. "

"Why?"

"What did you reckon I wanted you to go at all for, Miss Mary?"

"Well, I never thought--and come to think, I don't know. What was it?"

"Why, it's because you ain't one of these leather-face people. I don'twant no better book than what your face is. A body can set down and readit off like coarse print. Do you reckon you can go and face your uncleswhen they come to kiss you good-morning, and never--"

"There, there, don't! Yes, I'll go before breakfast--I'll be glad to. And leave my sisters with them?"

"Yes; never mind about them. They've got to stand it yet a while. Theymight suspicion something if all of you was to go. I don't want you tosee them, nor your sisters, nor nobody in this town; if a neighbor was toask how is your uncles this morning your face would tell something. No, you go right along, Miss Mary Jane, and I'll fix it with all of them. I'll tell Miss Susan to give your love to your uncles and say you've wentaway for a few hours for to get a little rest and change, or to see afriend, and you'll be back to-night or early in the morning. "

"Gone to see a friend is all right, but I won't have my love given tothem. "

"Well, then, it sha'n't be. " It was well enough to tell HER so--no harmin it. It was only a little thing to do, and no trouble; and it's thelittle things that smooths people's roads the most, down here below; itwould make Mary Jane comfortable, and it wouldn't cost nothing. Then Isays: "There's one more thing--that bag of money. "

"Well, they've got that; and it makes me feel pretty silly to think HOWthey got it. "

"No, you're out, there. They hain't got it. "

"Why, who's got it?"

"I wish I knowed, but I don't. I HAD it, because I stole it from them;and I stole it to give to you; and I know where I hid it, but I'm afraidit ain't there no more. I'm awful sorry, Miss Mary Jane, I'm just assorry as I can be; but I done the best I could; I did honest. I comenigh getting caught, and I had to shove it into the first place I cometo, and run--and it warn't a good place. "

"Oh, stop blaming yourself--it's too bad to do it, and I won't allow it--you couldn't help it; it wasn't your fault. Where did you hide it?"

I didn't want to set her to thinking about her troubles again; and Icouldn't seem to get my mouth to tell her what would make her see thatcorpse laying in the coffin with that bag of money on his stomach. Sofor a minute I didn't say nothing; then I says:

"I'd ruther not TELL you where I put it, Miss Mary Jane, if you don'tmind letting me off; but I'll write it for you on a piece of paper, andyou can read it along the road to Mr. Lothrop's, if you want to. Do youreckon that 'll do?"

"Oh, yes. "

So I wrote: "I put it in the coffin. It was in there when you wascrying there, away in the night. I was behind the door, and I was mightysorry for you, Miss Mary Jane. "

It made my eyes water a little to remember her crying there all byherself in the night, and them devils laying there right under her ownroof, shaming her and robbing her; and when I folded it up and give it toher I see the water come into her eyes, too; and she shook me by thehand, hard, and says:

"GOOD-bye. I'm going to do everything just as you've told me; and if Idon't ever see you again, I sha'n't ever forget you and I'll think ofyou a many and a many a time, and I'll PRAY for you, too!"--and she wasgone. 

Pray for me! I reckoned if she knowed me she'd take a job that was morenearer her size. But I bet she done it, just the same--she was just thatkind. She had the grit to pray for Judus if she took the notion--therewarn't no back-down to her, I judge. You may say what you want to, butin my opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in myopinion she was just full of sand. It sounds like flattery, but it ain'tno flattery. And when it comes to beauty--and goodness, too--she laysover them all. I hain't ever seen her since that time that I see her goout of that door; no, I hain't ever seen her since, but I reckon I'vethought of her a many and a many a million times, and of her saying shewould pray for me; and if ever I'd a thought it would do any good for meto pray for HER, blamed if I wouldn't a done it or bust. 

Well, Mary Jane she lit out the back way, I reckon; because nobody seeher go. When I struck Susan and the hare-lip, I says:

"What's the name of them people over on t'other side of the river thatyou all goes to see sometimes?"

They says:

"There's several; but it's the Proctors, mainly. "

"That's the name, " I says; "I most forgot it. Well, Miss Mary Jane shetold me to tell you she's gone over there in a dreadful hurry--one ofthem's sick. "

"Which one?"

"I don't know; leastways, I kinder forget; but I thinks it's--"

"Sakes alive, I hope it ain't HANNER?"

"I'm sorry to say it, " I says, "but Hanner's the very one. "

"My goodness, and she so well only last week! Is she took bad?"

"It ain't no name for it. They set up with her all night, Miss Mary Janesaid, and they don't think she'll last many hours. "

"Only think of that, now! What's the matter with her?"

I couldn't think of anything reasonable, right off that way, so I says:

"Mumps. "

"Mumps your granny! They don't set up with people that's got the mumps. "

"They don't, don't they? You better bet they do with THESE mumps. Thesemumps is different. It's a new kind, Miss Mary Jane said. "

"How's it a new kind?"

"Because it's mixed up with other things. "

"What other things?"

"Well, measles, and whooping-cough, and erysiplas, and consumption, andyaller janders, and brain-fever, and I don't know what all. "

"My land! And they call it the MUMPS?"

"That's what Miss Mary Jane said. "

"Well, what in the nation do they call it the MUMPS for?"

"Why, because it IS the mumps. That's what it starts with. "

"Well, ther' ain't no sense in it. A body might stump his toe, and takepison, and fall down the well, and break his neck, and bust his brainsout, and somebody come along and ask what killed him, and some numskullup and say, 'Why, he stumped his TOE. ' Would ther' be any sense in that?NO. And ther' ain't no sense in THIS, nuther. Is it ketching?"

"Is it KETCHING? Why, how you talk. Is a HARROW catching--in the dark?If you don't hitch on to one tooth, you're bound to on another, ain'tyou? And you can't get away with that tooth without fetching the wholeharrow along, can you? Well, these kind of mumps is a kind of a harrow, as you may say--and it ain't no slouch of a harrow, nuther, you come toget it hitched on good. "

"Well, it's awful, I think, " says the hare-lip. "I'll go to Uncle Harveyand--"

"Oh, yes, " I says, "I WOULD. Of COURSE I would. I wouldn't lose notime. "

"Well, why wouldn't you?"

"Just look at it a minute, and maybe you can see. Hain't your unclesobleegd to get along home to England as fast as they can? And do youreckon they'd be mean enough to go off and leave you to go all thatjourney by yourselves? YOU know they'll wait for you. So fur, so good. Your uncle Harvey's a preacher, ain't he? Very well, then; is a PREACHERgoing to deceive a steamboat clerk? is he going to deceive a SHIP CLERK?--so as to get them to let Miss Mary Jane go aboard? Now YOU know heain't. What WILL he do, then? Why, he'll say, 'It's a great pity, butmy church matters has got to get along the best way they can; for myniece has been exposed to the dreadful pluribus-unum mumps, and so it'smy bounden duty to set down here and wait the three months it takes toshow on her if she's got it. ' But never mind, if you think it's best totell your uncle Harvey--"

"Shucks, and stay fooling around here when we could all be having goodtimes in England whilst we was waiting to find out whether Mary Jane'sgot it or not? Why, you talk like a muggins. "

"Well, anyway, maybe you'd better tell some of the neighbors. "

"Listen at that, now. You do beat all for natural stupidness. Can't youSEE that THEY'D go and tell? Ther' ain't no way but just to not tellanybody at ALL. "

"Well, maybe you're right--yes, I judge you ARE right. "

"But I reckon we ought to tell Uncle Harvey she's gone out a while, anyway, so he won't be uneasy about her?"

"Yes, Miss Mary Jane she wanted you to do that. She says, 'Tell them togive Uncle Harvey and William my love and a kiss, and say I've run overthe river to see Mr. '--Mr. --what IS the name of that rich family youruncle Peter used to think so much of?--I mean the one that--"

"Why, you must mean the Apthorps, ain't it?"

"Of course; bother them kind of names, a body can't ever seem to rememberthem, half the time, somehow. Yes, she said, say she has run over for toask the Apthorps to be sure and come to the auction and buy this house, because she allowed her uncle Peter would ruther they had it than anybodyelse; and she's going to stick to them till they say they'll come, andthen, if she ain't too tired, she's coming home; and if she is, she'll behome in the morning anyway. She said, don't say nothing about theProctors, but only about the Apthorps--which 'll be perfectly true, because she is going there to speak about their buying the house; I knowit, because she told me so herself. "

"All right, " they said, and cleared out to lay for their uncles, and givethem the love and the kisses, and tell them the message. 

Everything was all right now. The girls wouldn't say nothing becausethey wanted to go to England; and the king and the duke would ruther MaryJane was off working for the auction than around in reach of DoctorRobinson. I felt very good; I judged I had done it pretty neat--Ireckoned Tom Sawyer couldn't a done it no neater himself. Of course hewould a throwed more style into it, but I can't do that very handy, notbeing brung up to it. 

Well, they held the auction in the public square, along towards the endof the afternoon, and it strung along, and strung along, and the old manhe was on hand and looking his level pisonest, up there longside of theauctioneer, and chipping in a little Scripture now and then, or a littlegoody-goody saying of some kind, and the duke he was around goo-gooingfor sympathy all he knowed how, and just spreading himself generly. 

But by and by the thing dragged through, and everything was sold--everything but a little old trifling lot in the graveyard. So they'd gotto work that off--I never see such a girafft as the king was for wantingto swallow EVERYTHING. Well, whilst they was at it a steamboat landed, and in about two minutes up comes a crowd a-whooping and yelling andlaughing and carrying on, and singing out:

"HERE'S your opposition line! here's your two sets o' heirs to old PeterWilks--and you pays your money and you takes your choice!"

CHAPTER XXIX. 

THEY was fetching a very nice-looking old gentleman along, and anice-looking younger one, with his right arm in a sling. And, my souls, how the people yelled and laughed, and kept it up. But I didn't see nojoke about it, and I judged it would strain the duke and the king some tosee any. I reckoned they'd turn pale. But no, nary a pale did THEYturn. The duke he never let on he suspicioned what was up, but just wenta goo-gooing around, happy and satisfied, like a jug that's googling outbuttermilk; and as for the king, he just gazed and gazed down sorrowfulon them new-comers like it give him the stomach-ache in his very heart tothink there could be such frauds and rascals in the world. Oh, he doneit admirable. Lots of the principal people gethered around the king, tolet him see they was on his side. That old gentleman that had just comelooked all puzzled to death. Pretty soon he begun to speak, and I seestraight off he pronounced LIKE an Englishman--not the king's way, thoughthe king's WAS pretty good for an imitation. I can't give the old gent'swords, nor I can't imitate him; but he turned around to the crowd, andsays, about like this:

"This is a surprise to me which I wasn't looking for; and I'llacknowledge, candid and frank, I ain't very well fixed to meet it andanswer it; for my brother and me has had misfortunes; he's broke his arm, and our baggage got put off at a town above here last night in the nightby a mistake. I am Peter Wilks' brother Harvey, and this is his brotherWilliam, which can't hear nor speak--and can't even make signs to amountto much, now't he's only got one hand to work them with. We are who wesay we are; and in a day or two, when I get the baggage, I can prove it. But up till then I won't say nothing more, but go to the hotel and wait. "

So him and the new dummy started off; and the king he laughs, andblethers out:

"Broke his arm--VERY likely, AIN'T it?--and very convenient, too, for afraud that's got to make signs, and ain't learnt how. Lost theirbaggage! That's MIGHTY good!--and mighty ingenious--under theCIRCUMSTANCES!"

So he laughed again; and so did everybody else, except three or four, ormaybe half a dozen. One of these was that doctor; another one was asharp-looking gentleman, with a carpet-bag of the old-fashioned kind madeout of carpet-stuff, that had just come off of the steamboat and wastalking to him in a low voice, and glancing towards the king now and thenand nodding their heads--it was Levi Bell, the lawyer that was gone up toLouisville; and another one was a big rough husky that come along andlistened to all the old gentleman said, and was listening to the kingnow. And when the king got done this husky up and says:

"Say, looky here; if you are Harvey Wilks, when'd you come to this town?"

"The day before the funeral, friend, " says the king. 

"But what time o' day?"

"In the evenin'--'bout an hour er two before sundown. "

"HOW'D you come?"

"I come down on the Susan Powell from Cincinnati. "

"Well, then, how'd you come to be up at the Pint in the MORNIN'--in acanoe?"

"I warn't up at the Pint in the mornin'. "

"It's a lie. "

Several of them jumped for him and begged him not to talk that way to anold man and a preacher. 

"Preacher be hanged, he's a fraud and a liar. He was up at the Pint thatmornin'. I live up there, don't I? Well, I was up there, and he was upthere. I see him there. He come in a canoe, along with Tim Collins anda boy. "

The doctor he up and says:

"Would you know the boy again if you was to see him, Hines?"

"I reckon I would, but I don't know. Why, yonder he is, now. I know himperfectly easy. "

It was me he pointed at. The doctor says:

"Neighbors, I don't know whether the new couple is frauds or not; but ifTHESE two ain't frauds, I am an idiot, that's all. I think it's our dutyto see that they don't get away from here till we've looked into thisthing. Come along, Hines; come along, the rest of you. We'll take thesefellows to the tavern and affront them with t'other couple, and I reckonwe'll find out SOMETHING before we get through. "

It was nuts for the crowd, though maybe not for the king's friends; so weall started. It was about sundown. The doctor he led me along by thehand, and was plenty kind enough, but he never let go my hand. 

We all got in a big room in the hotel, and lit up some candles, andfetched in the new couple. First, the doctor says:

"I don't wish to be too hard on these two men, but I think they'refrauds, and they may have complices that we don't know nothing about. Ifthey have, won't the complices get away with that bag of gold Peter Wilksleft? It ain't unlikely. If these men ain't frauds, they won't objectto sending for that money and letting us keep it till they prove they'reall right--ain't that so?"

Everybody agreed to that. So I judged they had our gang in a prettytight place right at the outstart. But the king he only lookedsorrowful, and says:

"Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for I ain't got no disposition tothrow anything in the way of a fair, open, out-and-out investigation o'this misable business; but, alas, the money ain't there; you k'n send andsee, if you want to. "

"Where is it, then?"

"Well, when my niece give it to me to keep for her I took and hid itinside o' the straw tick o' my bed, not wishin' to bank it for the fewdays we'd be here, and considerin' the bed a safe place, we not bein'used to niggers, and suppos'n' 'em honest, like servants in England. Theniggers stole it the very next mornin' after I had went down stairs; andwhen I sold 'em I hadn't missed the money yit, so they got clean awaywith it. My servant here k'n tell you 'bout it, gentlemen. "

The doctor and several said "Shucks!" and I see nobody didn't altogetherbelieve him. One man asked me if I see the niggers steal it. I said no, but I see them sneaking out of the room and hustling away, and I neverthought nothing, only I reckoned they was afraid they had waked up mymaster and was trying to get away before he made trouble with them. Thatwas all they asked me. Then the doctor whirls on me and says:

"Are YOU English, too?"

I says yes; and him and some others laughed, and said, "Stuff!"

Well, then they sailed in on the general investigation, and there we hadit, up and down, hour in, hour out, and nobody never said a word aboutsupper, nor ever seemed to think about it--and so they kept it up, andkept it up; and it WAS the worst mixed-up thing you ever see. They madethe king tell his yarn, and they made the old gentleman tell his'n; andanybody but a lot of prejudiced chuckleheads would a SEEN that the oldgentleman was spinning truth and t'other one lies. And by and by theyhad me up to tell what I knowed. The king he give me a left-handed lookout of the corner of his eye, and so I knowed enough to talk on the rightside. I begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we lived there, and allabout the English Wilkses, and so on; but I didn't get pretty fur tillthe doctor begun to laugh; and Levi Bell, the lawyer, says:

"Set down, my boy; I wouldn't strain myself if I was you. I reckon youain't used to lying, it don't seem to come handy; what you want ispractice. You do it pretty awkward. "

I didn't care nothing for the compliment, but I was glad to be let off, anyway. 

The doctor he started to say something, and turns and says:

"If you'd been in town at first, Levi Bell--" The king broke in andreached out his hand, and says:

"Why, is this my poor dead brother's old friend that he's wrote so oftenabout?"

The lawyer and him shook hands, and the lawyer smiled and looked pleased, and they talked right along awhile, and then got to one side and talkedlow; and at last the lawyer speaks up and says:

"That 'll fix it. I'll take the order and send it, along with yourbrother's, and then they'll know it's all right. "

So they got some paper and a pen, and the king he set down and twistedhis head to one side, and chawed his tongue, and scrawled off something;and then they give the pen to the duke--and then for the first time theduke looked sick. But he took the pen and wrote. So then the lawyerturns to the new old gentleman and says:

"You and your brother please write a line or two and sign your names. "

The old gentleman wrote, but nobody couldn't read it. The lawyer lookedpowerful astonished, and says:

"Well, it beats ME"--and snaked a lot of old letters out of his pocket, and examined them, and then examined the old man's writing, and then THEMagain; and then says: "These old letters is from Harvey Wilks; andhere's THESE two handwritings, and anybody can see they didn't writethem" (the king and the duke looked sold and foolish, I tell you, to seehow the lawyer had took them in), "and here's THIS old gentleman's handwriting, and anybody can tell, easy enough, HE didn't write them--factis, the scratches he makes ain't properly WRITING at all. Now, here'ssome letters from--"

The new old gentleman says:

"If you please, let me explain. Nobody can read my hand but my brotherthere--so he copies for me. It's HIS hand you've got there, not mine. "

"WELL!" says the lawyer, "this IS a state of things. I've got some ofWilliam's letters, too; so if you'll get him to write a line or so we cancom--"

"He CAN'T write with his left hand, " says the old gentleman. "If hecould use his right hand, you would see that he wrote his own letters andmine too. Look at both, please--they're by the same hand. "

The lawyer done it, and says:

"I believe it's so--and if it ain't so, there's a heap strongerresemblance than I'd noticed before, anyway. Well, well, well! Ithought we was right on the track of a solution, but it's gone to grass, partly. But anyway, one thing is proved--THESE two ain't either of 'emWilkses"--and he wagged his head towards the king and the duke. 

Well, what do you think? That muleheaded old fool wouldn't give in THEN!Indeed he wouldn't. Said it warn't no fair test. Said his brotherWilliam was the cussedest joker in the world, and hadn't tried to write--HE see William was going to play one of his jokes the minute he put thepen to paper. And so he warmed up and went warbling right along till hewas actuly beginning to believe what he was saying HIMSELF; but prettysoon the new gentleman broke in, and says:

"I've thought of something. Is there anybody here that helped to lay outmy br--helped to lay out the late Peter Wilks for burying?"

"Yes, " says somebody, "me and Ab Turner done it. We're both here. "

Then the old man turns towards the king, and says:

"Perhaps this gentleman can tell me what was tattooed on his breast?"

Blamed if the king didn't have to brace up mighty quick, or he'd asqushed down like a bluff bank that the river has cut under, it took himso sudden; and, mind you, it was a thing that was calculated to make mostANYBODY sqush to get fetched such a solid one as that without any notice, because how was HE going to know what was tattooed on the man? Hewhitened a little; he couldn't help it; and it was mighty still in there, and everybody bending a little forwards and gazing at him. Says I tomyself, NOW he'll throw up the sponge--there ain't no more use. Well, did he? A body can't hardly believe it, but he didn't. I reckon hethought he'd keep the thing up till he tired them people out, so they'dthin out, and him and the duke could break loose and get away. Anyway, he set there, and pretty soon he begun to smile, and says:

"Mf! It's a VERY tough question, AIN'T it! YES, sir, I k'n tell youwhat's tattooed on his breast. It's jest a small, thin, blue arrow--that's what it is; and if you don't look clost, you can't see it. NOWwhat do you say--hey?"

Well, I never see anything like that old blister for clean out-and-outcheek. 

The new old gentleman turns brisk towards Ab Turner and his pard, and hiseye lights up like he judged he'd got the king THIS time, and says:

"There--you've heard what he said! Was there any such mark on PeterWilks' breast?"

Both of them spoke up and says:

"We didn't see no such mark. "

"Good!" says the old gentleman. "Now, what you DID see on his breast wasa small dim P, and a B (which is an initial he dropped when he wasyoung), and a W, with dashes between them, so: P--B--W"--and he markedthem that way on a piece of paper. "Come, ain't that what you saw?"

Both of them spoke up again, and says:

"No, we DIDN'T. We never seen any marks at all. "

Well, everybody WAS in a state of mind now, and they sings out:

"The whole BILIN' of 'm 's frauds! Le's duck 'em! le's drown 'em! le'sride 'em on a rail!" and everybody was whooping at once, and there was arattling powwow. But the lawyer he jumps on the table and yells, andsays:

"Gentlemen--gentleMEN! Hear me just a word--just a SINGLE word--if youPLEASE! There's one way yet--let's go and dig up the corpse and look. "

That took them. 

"Hooray!" they all shouted, and was starting right off; but the lawyerand the doctor sung out:

"Hold on, hold on! Collar all these four men and the boy, and fetch THEMalong, too!"

"We'll do it!" they all shouted; "and if we don't find them marks we'lllynch the whole gang!"

I WAS scared, now, I tell you. But there warn't no getting away, youknow. They gripped us all, and marched us right along, straight for thegraveyard, which was a mile and a half down the river, and the whole townat our heels, for we made noise enough, and it was only nine in theevening. 

As we went by our house I wished I hadn't sent Mary Jane out of town;because now if I could tip her the wink she'd light out and save me, andblow on our dead-beats. 

Well, we swarmed along down the river road, just carrying on likewildcats; and to make it more scary the sky was darking up, and thelightning beginning to wink and flitter, and the wind to shiver amongstthe leaves. This was the most awful trouble and most dangersome I everwas in; and I was kinder stunned; everything was going so different fromwhat I had allowed for; stead of being fixed so I could take my own timeif I wanted to, and see all the fun, and have Mary Jane at my back tosave me and set me free when the close-fit come, here was nothing in theworld betwixt me and sudden death but just them tattoo-marks. If theydidn't find them--

I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn't thinkabout nothing else. It got darker and darker, and it was a beautifultime to give the crowd the slip; but that big husky had me by the wrist--Hines--and a body might as well try to give Goliar the slip. He draggedme right along, he was so excited, and I had to run to keep up. 

When they got there they swarmed into the graveyard and washed over itlike an overflow. And when they got to the grave they found they hadabout a hundred times as many shovels as they wanted, but nobody hadn'tthought to fetch a lantern. But they sailed into digging anyway by theflicker of the lightning, and sent a man to the nearest house, a half amile off, to borrow one. 

So they dug and dug like everything; and it got awful dark, and the rainstarted, and the wind swished and swushed along, and the lightning comebrisker and brisker, and the thunder boomed; but them people never tookno notice of it, they was so full of this business; and one minute youcould see everything and every face in that big crowd, and the shovelfulsof dirt sailing up out of the grave, and the next second the dark wipedit all out, and you couldn't see nothing at all. 

At last they got out the coffin and begun to unscrew the lid, and thensuch another crowding and shouldering and shoving as there was, toscrouge in and get a sight, you never see; and in the dark, that way, itwas awful. Hines he hurt my wrist dreadful pulling and tugging so, and Ireckon he clean forgot I was in the world, he was so excited and panting. 

All of a sudden the lightning let go a perfect sluice of white glare, andsomebody sings out:

"By the living jingo, here's the bag of gold on his breast!"

Hines let out a whoop, like everybody else, and dropped my wrist and givea big surge to bust his way in and get a look, and the way I lit out andshinned for the road in the dark there ain't nobody can tell. 

I had the road all to myself, and I fairly flew--leastways, I had it allto myself except the solid dark, and the now-and-then glares, and thebuzzing of the rain, and the thrashing of the wind, and the splitting ofthe thunder; and sure as you are born I did clip it along!

When I struck the town I see there warn't nobody out in the storm, so Inever hunted for no back streets, but humped it straight through the mainone; and when I begun to get towards our house I aimed my eye and set it. No light there; the house all dark--which made me feel sorry anddisappointed, I didn't know why. But at last, just as I was sailing by, FLASH comes the light in Mary Jane's window! and my heart swelled upsudden, like to bust; and the same second the house and all was behind mein the dark, and wasn't ever going to be before me no more in this world. She WAS the best girl I ever see, and had the most sand. 

The minute I was far enough above the town to see I could make thetowhead, I begun to look sharp for a boat to borrow, and the first timethe lightning showed me one that wasn't chained I snatched it and shoved. It was a canoe, and warn't fastened with nothing but a rope. The towheadwas a rattling big distance off, away out there in the middle of theriver, but I didn't lose no time; and when I struck the raft at last Iwas so fagged I would a just laid down to blow and gasp if I couldafforded it. But I didn't. As I sprung aboard I sung out:

"Out with you, Jim, and set her loose! Glory be to goodness, we're shutof them!"

Jim lit out, and was a-coming for me with both arms spread, he was sofull of joy; but when I glimpsed him in the lightning my heart shot up inmy mouth and I went overboard backwards; for I forgot he was old KingLear and a drownded A-rab all in one, and it most scared the livers andlights out of me. But Jim fished me out, and was going to hug me andbless me, and so on, he was so glad I was back and we was shut of theking and the duke, but I says:

"Not now; have it for breakfast, have it for breakfast! Cut loose andlet her slide!"

So in two seconds away we went a-sliding down the river, and it DID seemso good to be free again and all by ourselves on the big river, andnobody to bother us. I had to skip around a bit, and jump up and crackmy heels a few times--I couldn't help it; but about the third crack Inoticed a sound that I knowed mighty well, and held my breath andlistened and waited; and sure enough, when the next flash busted out overthe water, here they come!--and just a-laying to their oars and makingtheir skiff hum! It was the king and the duke. 

So I wilted right down on to the planks then, and give up; and it was allI could do to keep from crying. 

CHAPTER XXX. 

WHEN they got aboard the king went for me, and shook me by the collar, and says:

"Tryin' to give us the slip, was ye, you pup! Tired of our company, hey?"

I says:

"No, your majesty, we warn't--PLEASE don't, your majesty!"

"Quick, then, and tell us what WAS your idea, or I'll shake the insidesout o' you!"

"Honest, I'll tell you everything just as it happened, your majesty. Theman that had a-holt of me was very good to me, and kept saying he had aboy about as big as me that died last year, and he was sorry to see a boyin such a dangerous fix; and when they was all took by surprise byfinding the gold, and made a rush for the coffin, he lets go of me andwhispers, 'Heel it now, or they'll hang ye, sure!' and I lit out. Itdidn't seem no good for ME to stay--I couldn't do nothing, and I didn'twant to be hung if I could get away. So I never stopped running till Ifound the canoe; and when I got here I told Jim to hurry, or they'd catchme and hang me yet, and said I was afeard you and the duke wasn't alivenow, and I was awful sorry, and so was Jim, and was awful glad when wesee you coming; you may ask Jim if I didn't. "

Jim said it was so; and the king told him to shut up, and said, "Oh, yes, it's MIGHTY likely!" and shook me up again, and said he reckoned he'ddrownd me. But the duke says:

"Leggo the boy, you old idiot! Would YOU a done any different? Did youinquire around for HIM when you got loose? I don't remember it. "

So the king let go of me, and begun to cuss that town and everybody init. But the duke says:

"You better a blame' sight give YOURSELF a good cussing, for you're theone that's entitled to it most. You hain't done a thing from the startthat had any sense in it, except coming out so cool and cheeky with thatimaginary blue-arrow mark. That WAS bright--it was right down bully; andit was the thing that saved us. For if it hadn't been for that they'd ajailed us till them Englishmen's baggage come--and then--thepenitentiary, you bet! But that trick took 'em to the graveyard, and thegold done us a still bigger kindness; for if the excited fools hadn't letgo all holts and made that rush to get a look we'd a slept in our cravatsto-night--cravats warranted to WEAR, too--longer than WE'D need 'em. "

They was still a minute--thinking; then the king says, kind ofabsent-minded like:

"Mf! And we reckoned the NIGGERS stole it!"

That made me squirm!

"Yes, " says the duke, kinder slow and deliberate and sarcastic, "WE did. "

After about a half a minute the king drawls out:

"Leastways, I did. "

The duke says, the same way:

"On the contrary, I did. "

The king kind of ruffles up, and says:

"Looky here, Bilgewater, what'r you referrin' to?"

The duke says, pretty brisk:

"When it comes to that, maybe you'll let me ask, what was YOU referringto?"

"Shucks!" says the king, very sarcastic; "but I don't know--maybe you wasasleep, and didn't know what you was about. "

The duke bristles up now, and says:

"Oh, let UP on this cussed nonsense; do you take me for a blame' fool?Don't you reckon I know who hid that money in that coffin?"

"YES, sir! I know you DO know, because you done it yourself!"

"It's a lie!"--and the duke went for him. The king sings out:

"Take y'r hands off!--leggo my throat!--I take it all back!"

The duke says:

"Well, you just own up, first, that you DID hide that money there, intending to give me the slip one of these days, and come back and dig itup, and have it all to yourself. "

"Wait jest a minute, duke--answer me this one question, honest and fair;if you didn't put the money there, say it, and I'll b'lieve you, and takeback everything I said. "

"You old scoundrel, I didn't, and you know I didn't. There, now!"

"Well, then, I b'lieve you. But answer me only jest this one more--nowDON'T git mad; didn't you have it in your mind to hook the money and hideit?"

The duke never said nothing for a little bit; then he says:

"Well, I don't care if I DID, I didn't DO it, anyway. But you not onlyhad it in mind to do it, but you DONE it. "

"I wisht I never die if I done it, duke, and that's honest. I won't sayI warn't goin' to do it, because I WAS; but you--I mean somebody--got inahead o' me. "

"It's a lie! You done it, and you got to SAY you done it, or--"

The king began to gurgle, and then he gasps out:

"'Nough!--I OWN UP!"

I was very glad to hear him say that; it made me feel much more easierthan what I was feeling before. So the duke took his hands off and says:

"If you ever deny it again I'll drown you. It's WELL for you to setthere and blubber like a baby--it's fitten for you, after the way you'veacted. I never see such an old ostrich for wanting to gobble everything--and I a-trusting you all the time, like you was my own father. You oughtto been ashamed of yourself to stand by and hear it saddled on to a lotof poor niggers, and you never say a word for 'em. It makes me feelridiculous to think I was soft enough to BELIEVE that rubbage. Cuss you, I can see now why you was so anxious to make up the deffisit--you wantedto get what money I'd got out of the Nonesuch and one thing or another, and scoop it ALL!"

The king says, timid, and still a-snuffling:

"Why, duke, it was you that said make up the deffisit; it warn't me. "

"Dry up! I don't want to hear no more out of you!" says the duke. "AndNOW you see what you GOT by it. They've got all their own money back, and all of OURN but a shekel or two BESIDES. G'long to bed, and don'tyou deffersit ME no more deffersits, long 's YOU live!"

So the king sneaked into the wigwam and took to his bottle for comfort, and before long the duke tackled HIS bottle; and so in about a half anhour they was as thick as thieves again, and the tighter they got thelovinger they got, and went off a-snoring in each other's arms. Theyboth got powerful mellow, but I noticed the king didn't get mellow enoughto forget to remember to not deny about hiding the money-bag again. Thatmade me feel easy and satisfied. Of course when they got to snoring wehad a long gabble, and I told Jim everything.