_A Pirate of Parts_

 _By RICHARD NEVILLE_

 _"One man in his time plays many parts. "_ --SHAKESPEARE

NEW YORKThe Neale Publishing Company1913

Copyright, 1913, byThe Neale Publishing Company_All rights reserved_

[Illustration: (signature) Yours Sincerly Richard Neville]

 _"All the worlds' a stage And all the men and women merely players"_

To my sister, Mrs. Mary Hughes, who for years has been associated withseveral of the most notable presentations on the American stage and withmany of the most prominent and talented of American players, both maleand female. 

_"BILL OF THE PLAY"_

 I. --Is all our company here?--_Shakespeare_

 II. --What stories I'll tell when my sojerin' is o'er. --_Lever_

 III. --Come all ye warmheart'd countrymen I pray you will draw near. --_Old Ballad_

 IV. --Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of ground. --_Shakespeare_

 V. --I would rather live in Bohemia than in any other land. --_John Boyle O'Reilly_

 VI. --What strange things we see and what queer things we do. --_Modern Song_

 VII. --He employs his fancy in his narrative and keep his Recollections for his wit. --_Richard Brindsley Sheridan_

 VIII. --Every one shall offer according to what he hath. --_Deut. _

 IX. --One man in his time plays many parts. --_Shakespeare_

 X. --Originality is nothing more than judicious imitation. --_Voltaire_

 XI. --All places that the eye of heaven visits are happy havens. --_Shakespeare_

 XII. --There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio. --_Shakespeare_

 XIII. --Life is mostly froth and bubble. --_The Hill_

 XIV. --Nature hath fram'd strange fellows in her time. --_Shakespeare_

 XV. --Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day. --_Shakespeare_

 XVI. --A new way to pay old debts. 

 XVII. --The actors are at hand. --_Shakespeare_

 XVIII. --Twinkle, twinkle little star. --_Nursery Rhymes_

 XIX. --Experience is a great teacher--the events of life its chapters. --_Sainte Beuve_

 XX. --I am not an imposter that proclaim myself against the level of my aim. --_Shakespeare_

 XXI. --I'll view the town, peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings. --_Shakespeare_

 XXII. --Is this world and all the life upon it a farce or vaudeville. --_Geo. Elliott_

 XXIII. --All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. --_Shakespeare_

 XXIV. --There's nothing to be got nowadays, unless thou can'st fish for it. --_Shakespeare_

 XXV. --Joy danced with Mirth, a gay fantastic crowd. --_Collins_

 XXVI. --Say not "Good Night, " but in some brighter clime bid me "Good Morning. "--_Barbauld_

_A Pirate of Parts_

CHAPTER I

 "Is all our company here?" --MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. 

Yes, he was a strolling player pure and simple. He was an actor byprofession, and jack of all trades through necessity. He could play anypart from _Macbeth_ to the hind leg of an elephant, equally well or bad, as the case might be. What he did not know about a theatre was not worthknowing; what he could not do about a playhouse was not worthdoing--provided you took his word for it. From this it might be inferredhe was a useful man, but he was not. He had a queer way of doing thingshe ought not to do, and of leaving undone things he should have done. Good nature, however, was his chief quality. He bubbled over with it. Under the most trying circumstances he never lost his temper. He laughedhis way through life, apparently without care. Yet he was a man offamily, and those who were dependent upon him were not neglected, forhis little ones were uppermost in his heart. Acting was his legitimatecalling, but he would attempt anything to turn an honest penny. In turnhe had been sailor, engineer, pilot, painter, manager, lecturer, bartender, soldier, author, clown, pantaloon, and a brass band. Topreach a sermon would disconcert him as little as to undertake tonavigate a balloon. He could get away with a pint of Jersey lightning, and under its stimulating influence address a blue ribbon temperancemeeting on the pernicious effects of rum. Where he was born no one couldtell. He claimed laughingly that it was so long since he was firstproduced he had lost track of the date. A friend of his maintained thathe was bred in the blue grass region, he was such an admirable judge ofwhisky. On that score he might as well have been born in the CountyGalway as in the state of Kentucky. He had a voluminous shock of redhair; his name was Handy, and no one ever thought of addressing himotherwise, even on the slightest acquaintance. When he had an engagementhe was poorer than when he was out of a job. He was a daisy of thechronic impecunious variety. 

The summer of --'7 was a hard season with actors, and as Handy was oneof the guild he suffered like the rest of his calling. He was not sofortunate as to have country relatives with whom he might visit andspend a brief vacation down on the old farm, so he had to bestir himselfto hit upon some scheme or other to bridge over the so-called dog days. He pondered over the matter, and finally determined to organize acompany to work the towns along the Long Island Sound coast. Most menwould have shrunk from an undertaking of this character without thenecessary capital to embark in the venture. Handy, however, was not anindividual of that type. He was a man of great natural and economicalresources, when put to the test. Moreover, he had a friend who was theowner of a good-sized canvas tent; was on familiar terms with anotherwho was the proud possessor of a fairly good-sized sailing craft; hiscredit at the printer's was good for twenty or twenty-five dollars, andin addition he had eleven dollars in hard cash in his inside pocket. What more could an enterprising man, with energy to burn, desire?

On the Rialto Handy picked up seven good men and true, who, likehimself, had many a time and oft fretted their brief hour upon thestage--and possibly will again, --who were willing to embark their fameand fortune in the venture. They knew Handy was a sailor bold, and solong as they had an angel in the shape of a vessel to perform thetransportation part of the scheme without being compelled to countrailroad ties, in case of ill luck, sailing was good enough for them. Besides, time was no object, for they had plenty of it to spare. 

They were all actors like Handy himself. The stories they could unfoldof barn-storming in country towns in years gone by would fill a volumeas bulky as a census report. Moreover, they could turn their talents toany line of business and double, treble, quintuple parts as easily astalk. They were players of the old stock school. 

One of the company played a cornet badly enough to compel theinhabitants of any civilized town to take to the woods until he had madehis departure; another was a flutist of uncertain qualifications, whilea third could rasp a little on the violin; and as for Handy himself, hecould tackle any other instrument that might be necessary to make up aband; but playing the drum, --the bass drum, --or the cymbals, was hisspecialty. 

A company was accordingly organized, the day of departure fixed, theprinting got out--and the printer "hung up. " The vessel was anchored offStaten Island, and was provisioned with one keg of beer, a good-sizedbox of hardtack, a jar of Vesey Street pickles, a Washington Street ham, five large loaves and all the fishes in the bay. The company, after somepreliminary preparations, boarded the _Gem of the Ocean_, for such wasthe pretentious name of the unpretentious craft that was to carry Cæsarand his fortunes. Perhaps Handy's own description of the first night'sadventure might prove more interesting than if given by another. 

CHAPTER II

 "What stories I'll tell when my sojerin is o'er. " --LEVER. 

"Well, sir, you see, " said Handy some weeks after in relating theadventure to a friend, "we had previously determined to start fromStaten Island, when one of the company got it into his head that wemight show on the island for 'one night only, ' and make a littlesomething into the bargain. Besides, he reasoned, all first-classcompanies nowadays adopt that plan of breaking in their people. Somecynical individuals describe this first night operation as 'trying it onthe dog, ' but as that is a vulgar way of putting it we'll let it pass. We turned the matter over in our minds, and almost unanimously agreedthat it was too near the city to make the attempt, but the strongarguments of Smith prevailed--he was the one who first advocated it--andwe therefore resolved to set up our tent and present 'Uncle Tom's Cabin'with an unparalleled cast from the California Theatre. 

"You must remember we desired to have the company hail from a point asfar distant as possible from New York, and we could hardly have gonefurther or we would have slid right plumb off the continent. But we toldno lie about the company being unparalleled. No, sir. You couldn't matchit for money. It was what might be legitimately considered a 'star castcompany. '

"One of the company was a dwarf. That was lucky, or we would have beenstuck for a _Little Eva_. So the dwarf was cast for _Eva_; and hedoubled up and served as an ice floe, with a painted soap box on hisback to represent a floating cake of ice in the flight scene. He playedthe ice floe much better than he did _Eva_. But that's neither here northere now, as he got through with both. What's more, he's alive to-dayto tell the tale. Between ourselves, he was the oddest looking_Eva_--and the toughest one, too, for that matter--you ever clapped eyesupon. 

"In the dying scene, where _Eva_ is supposed to start for heaven, westruck up the tune of 'Dem Golden Slippers' in what we consideredappropriate time. Well! whatever it was--whether it was the music, thesinging, or little _Eva's_ departure for the heavenly regions--it nearlybroke up the show. The audience simply wouldn't stand for it. Just atthat impressive moment when the Golden Gates were supposed to be ajar, and dear little _Eva's_ spirit was about to pass the gate-keeper, acouple of rural hoodlums in the starboard side of the tent began towhistle the suggestive psalm, 'There'll Be a Hot Time in the Old TownTo-night. ' When I heard it I felt convinced it wouldn't be safe to givethat programme for more than one night in any town. 

"We hurried through the performance for two special reasons: first, because the audience evidently did not appear to appreciate or takekindly to the company from the California Theatre, and secondly onaccount of the rising wind which was beginning to blow up pretty fresh, and the tent was not sufficiently able-bodied to stand too much of apressure from outside as well as from within. Consequently we rang downthe curtain rather prematurely on the last act. It is nothing more thancandid to allow that the audience was not as quiet at the close as inthe earlier scenes of the drama. We had no kick coming, however, as thegross receipts footed up seventeen dollars and fifty cents. 

"We struck tent without much delay and managed to get our trapstogether. We were about to carry them down to the _Gem of the Ocean_when Smith, the property man, approached me with the information thatthere was a man looking for me who intimated that he was going to levyon our props. 'What's up?' I asked. 

"'Don't know, ' answered Smith, 'but I think you had better see himyourself. '

"I did, and it proved to be the sheriff, or some fellow of thatpersuasion. He came to make it warm for us because, forsooth, we showedwithout a license. And this, mind you, in what we regard as a freecountry. Ye gods! Well, be that as it may, you can readily see we werein a bad box, and how to get out of it was the perplexing problem thatconfronted me. 

"I claimed ignorance of the law, but it was no go. I then attempted abluff game, but it wouldn't work for a cent. I tried him on all thepoints of the compass of strategem, but he was a Staten Islander, and Ifailed satisfactorily to inoculate him with my histrionic eloquence. Themembers of the company, however, were not wasting time and were gettingthe things down to the dock, only a short distance off. 

"Finally, as if inspired, I suggested to the official that we drop overthe way, to Clausen's, and talk the matter over. I was thirsty, and Ihad an instinctive idea that my political friend also was. He hesitateda moment, and then started across with me. We walked slowly and talkedfreely. At length we got down to hard pan. I was ready to settle up andpay the license fee, but he wasn't ready to receive it. The fee, Ithink, was five dollars, but he wanted something in addition for histrouble. He didn't say as much, but I knew that was what he was hintingat. These politicians are so modest. I know them from past experience. 

"When we reached Clausen's we retired to a quiet corner in the back roomand continued our conversation. I set up the beer, called for thecigars, and then motioned for another round. The sheriff was quiteagreeable. Suddenly it flashed through my mind that I did not have onecent in my clothes. Sy Jones, whom we had appointed treasurer, had takenpossession of the gross receipts. I was nonplussed for the time being. What to do I couldn't tell for the moment, but I didn't communicate thatfact to my official friend. We had some more refreshments, and then Iexcused myself for a minute and went out into the yard back of thehouse. As fate would have it, the fence was not high. Without muchhesitation I took chances, sprang over it, and started for thewater-side as quickly as my legs would travel. 

"I knew exactly where the _Gem of the Ocean_ lay. The boys had workedlike beavers in the interim. They had everything stowed away snugly. Itdid not take me long to get aboard with the rest of the boys. 

"'Get to work and cast off as quickly as you can, ' I whispered, ratherthan yelled. It was an anxious moment, I tell you, for just at thatmoment the front door of Clausen's power house was flung wide open andloud and angry voices were borne on the night wind to where we lay. 'Push her bow off, for the Lord's sake!' I yelled, while I was busilyengaged in running up the jib. 

"It wasn't then a question of sheriff alone. Clausen, the Germansaloon-keeper, and his gang were coming down on us like a pack of wolveson a sheepfold. Clausen, naturally enough, was considerably put out, simply because I was forced through the contradictory nature ofconflicting circumstances to arbitrarily stand him up for therefreshments and smokes, and he appeared desirous of getting square. Fortunately for us, the high wind that had threatened to blow over ourtent was off-shore, and by the time the Staten Islanders reached the endof the dock we had a good breeze full on the sails and were laying ourcourse for the hospitable shore of Long Island. "

CHAPTER III

 "Come all ye warm-hearted countrymen, I pray you will draw near. " --Old Song. 

"About daybreak we passed through Hell Gate, with a kiting breeze, andwere pointing for Whitestone, where we proposed to show the followingnight. We reached there some time in the forenoon. Fancy our dismay whenwe learned that North's Circus was billed there the same evening. Northhad chartered a steamer and was bent on precisely the same lay as wewere, with this difference, that he was more thoroughly equipped for theundertaking. As soon as we made this unpleasant discovery our spiritsfell to zero and our hearts slipped into our boots. Some of the peoplewere so discouraged that they were in favor of giving up the 'snap'there and then, but the more optimistic ones determined to stick it out, and stick we did. 

"Along in the afternoon we saw the North steamer come along with flagsflying and a band playing. If we hadn't been on professional businessourselves we possibly might have enjoyed the exhibition. We should haveleft Whitestone right away, but the wind had died out and there wasn't acapful of air stirring. Some of the members of the company expressed adesire to go ashore, but I objected. I had made up my mind to start withthe first breath of wind that sprang up. To profitably employ our timewe set to work to fish for our supper. Our larder was not over and aboveflush, and a few fish would prove quite acceptable. Just about sundown abreeze sprang up, and we took advantage of it. We hoisted anchor andstood up the Sound with every stitch of canvas set and drawing. 

"I forget just the name of the next stopping place we reached, but Ishould judge it was a point opposite, or nearly opposite, to Greenwichor Stamford. We remained on board until about eight o'clock nextmorning, and then a little party went ashore to reconnoiter. The townproper was only a short distance from the little harbor. Imagine ourfeelings when we ascertained that North had billed this town also, andwas to show there that very night. This was too much for poor, trustinghuman nature. The opposition show itself we wouldn't have minded, butthe colored printing, streamers, and snipes that adorned the fences, barns and hen houses almost paralyzed us. 

"In sheer desperation we brought the tent ashore and prepared to tacklefate and the opposition, and trust to luck. We put out no bills, and gotready to make much big noise of the proper kind when the opportunemoment arrived. We hired a wagon from an enterprising farmer for ourband; then sent complimentary tickets to the dominie to come to see'Uncle Tom's Cabin, ' for the familiar old drama, notwithstanding thewear and tear of many years of barn-storming, is still regarded assomewhat of a religious entertainment. We toiled like beavers to work upbusiness for the night. The attraction pitted against us was strong, butwhat of that? Desperation gave us strength, and we hoped for the best. 

"Along in the afternoon as I was about to board the _Gem_ I wasastonished to find no appearance of the North circus steamer. It wasnigh on to high water, a dead calm prevailed, and the atmosphere was hotand misty. I thought little of it at the time, until I reached the deck. I knew that, allowing a fair margin for delay, a power craft could runup in short order, and an hour or so would be ample time to put up thetent and get everything in readiness for the night's performance. 

"While I sat at the head of the companionway meditating over thesituation and drawing consolation from a bit of briarwood, the propertyman hailed me from the shore. I immediately manned the dingy and rowedfor the shore to ascertain what was the matter. When I got there heinformed me that some of the inhabitants from the interior had got intown to see the show and were anxious to buy reserved seats. I inquiredif he had accommodated them. He told me he had not done so, as he had anidea that it was the other show they were looking for. However, he wasnot certain on that score. For the time being, however, he put them offwith the explanation that the ticket register was out of order and thetickets were not yet ready. The family wagons and carryalls werebeginning to come in, and by four o'clock or thereabouts the littleplace presented quite an animated appearance. The prospects for a crowdwere good. Every minute I expected to hear the sound of the steamboat'swhistle at the point announcing her arrival. It was getting along wellin the afternoon when the thought entered my mind, 'Now, if by anychance the steamer should be delayed, what course would I pursue?'

"The more I turned the subject over in my mind the stronger I becameimpressed with the idea that desperate cases necessitate strenuousremedies. The heat of the afternoon became oppressive, and the haze hadbecome a thick fog over the water. Occasionally it would lift slightlyand then settle down more dense than before. Five o'clock came, andstill no steamer. About ten minutes later we heard a sound that nearlyknocked me out. It was the steamer with the other fellow's show. Weheard the blow, but could not get a glimpse of the blowpipe. We couldhear, but could not see. We remained on board some time, and then allhands went ashore. The fog still hung over the water and the whistlecontinued to blow. We resolved to play a desperate game. So long as thefog continued we were all safe, as I felt satisfied the captain of thesteamer would not dare venture to run in closer to the shore at thatstage of the tide, especially in such a fog. 

"We hurried up to the tent and began to sell tickets. Buyers naturallymade inquiries, but the ticket-seller economized considerably on thetruth in his answers. We paid the farmer for his wagon that had beenused by the band one half in cash and the balance in passes. Sharp ateight o'clock we rung the curtain up to a jammed house of the mostastonished countrymen, women and children you ever set eyes upon. Theydid not know what to make of it, but they swallowed it all in the mostgood-natured manner possible. We introduced bits of 'The Old Homestead, ''The Two Orphans, ' 'Rip Van Winkle, ' slices of Shakespeare, AugustusThomas, George Ade, and other great writers, so you see we were givingthem bits of the best living and dead dramatists. Our nativeShakespeares do the same thing nowadays in all of their original works, and that's no idle fairy tale. We sandwiched comedy, drama, tragedy, andfarce, and interlarded the mixture with Victor Herbert and OscarHammerstein's opera comique and May Irwin coon songs. Such apresentation of 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' was never before presented, and I amfree to confess the chances are never will be again. We actually playedthe town on the other fellow's paper. It wasn't exactly according toHoyle, but then any reasonable thinking man will concede that necessityknows no law, and as the country people came to see a show it would havebeen a grievous sin to have disappointed them. 

"It did not take us long to strike tent and hurry on board when thecurtain fell on the last act. By this time the fog had lifted. As therewas a breeze we made sail and stood out for the open sea. It was nearthe top of high water as we passed the point, and there we saw thesteamer going in. She had run on a sandbar in the fog and was compelledto stay there for high water to get off. That's how the other fellow gotleft and how we turned his mishap to our advantage. "

CHAPTER IV

 "Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of barren ground. .. . The wills above be done, but I would fain die a dry death. " --TEMPEST. 

By midnight the _Gem of the Ocean_ was well out in the Sound. A stiffbreeze was now blowing, and the little craft was footing it at a rapidrate. Handy was now in his native element. He and his company felt thatthey had turned a clever trick. It was an achievement worthy of the mostaccomplished barnstormer. The idea of playing the town on the otherfellow's paper, ye gods! it was an accomplishment to feel proud of;something to be stored away in the memory; something to be set aside forfuture use when nights were long and congenial companions were gatheredabout a cheerful fireside to listen to stories of days gone by. 

Supper disposed of, the company were grouped together near thecompanionway smoking the pipes of peace and anxious to discuss the nextmanagerial move. Handy, of course, was the prime mover in allthings--the one man to whom they all looked to pilot them safely throughthe difficulties they expected to encounter. So far they considered hehad made good. He appeared to be in the best of spirits. Seated on anup-turned bucket, drawing meditatively on his well-seasoned briarwood, he looked a perfect picture of content. Not so, however, the "little'un, " as the boys playfully addressed the dwarf. The motion of thevessel did not harmonize with peculiarities of his interiorarrangements, and unless the _Gem_ stopped rolling and pitching therewas evidently trouble ahead. Matters were approaching a crisis with him. He had little or nothing to say. In fact, he was doing his best, as heafterwards admitted, to keep his spirits up while he manfully struggledto keep material matter down. 

"Is it always as rough as this, Handy?" he asked in a plaintive voice. 

"Rough as this, eh, my bold buccaneer, " responded Handy, cheerily;"rough as this? Why, there's scarcely a whitecap on the water. You ain'tgoing to be seasick, are you? Well, at any rate, if you are, possibly itmay be all for the best. 'Twill make a new man of you. "

"Maybe he don't want to be made a new man of, " suggested the low comedyman. 

"Oh, cork up and give us a rest, " appealed the Little 'Un, somewhattestily. "I'm all right, only I don't relish the confounded motion ofthe craft. First she rocks one way, then another, and then again sheseems to have the fidgets, and pitches in fits and starts. I don't seeany sense in it. Steamboats don't cut up such capers, at least, none ofthose that I've had any experience with. "

"Brace up, my hearty, " said Handy, removing the briarwood from his lips. "Brace up. You'll feel all right anon. "

"Anon isn't half bad, " again jocularly interposed the comedy gentleman. 

The wind was gradually freshening. There was by this time quite a seaon, and the Little 'Un was beginning to succumb to the influence ofprevailing conditions. A sudden gust struck the _Gem_, and, yielding toit, the group that was sitting so contentedly a few seconds before aboutthe companionway went rolling in a heap down to leeward in the cockpit. This was altogether too much for the Little 'Un. He picked himselftogether as well as he could, and doubled over the rail, Handy holdingon to his extremities. It was a trying scene for a time, and Handy hadthe worst of it. 

"Steady there, now, old fellow, you'll feel all serene when you give up. There's no danger. "

A minute or so later the poor little chap was taken from the rail aslimp as a wet rag, and was stretched out on the deck with a coil of ropefor a pillow. 

"When you get me on a snap of this kind again, " he began in a feeblevoice, after he had somewhat recovered, "you just let me know. No morewater adventures for me. I know when I have had enough. Dry land formine hereafter. "

Handy endeavored to console and cheer him up, but in vain. The poorsufferer was completely used up. He had yielded his gross receipts toNeptune, and would, at that particular moment, have mortgaged hisprospects in the future to have been able to set foot on terra firma. With some little difficulty Handy and one of the crew succeeded ingetting him below and stowed him away in a bunk. 

The wind increased during the night, and by two in the morning it wasblowing a half-gale. The _Gem_ was trimmed down to close reefs, and allbut the crew and Handy had turned in--but not to sleep. Handy, who wasan experienced sailor, remained on deck all night. He was never awayfrom his post. He was as good a sailor as he was bad as a financier. This speaks volumes for his abilities as a mariner. 

The night passed over without mishap, and shortly before sunrise thewind gave evidence of going down. There was, however, a high searunning, and though the little craft behaved nobly and was skillfullyhandled, yet to men unaccustomed to go down to the sea in ships calmerweather would have been acceptable. Daylight dawned at last. Later thesun made his appearance, red and fiery, looking as if annoyed at thecapers old Boreas had been cutting up during the night. The wind wentdown as the sun rose higher, and long before noon all was calm andpeaceful. The spirits of the company were restored. As the morningpassed jokes and merriment helped to dispel the unpleasant experiencesof the storm of the previous night. Handy's good humor was particularlyconspicuous, as he had a cheerful word for all. His spirits were asbuoyant as the craft that bore his troupers. 

At breakfast--or after breakfast, rather--the momentous question rose asto where the next stand should be made. The company had already testedits ability as well as the forbearance of two audiences, andfinancially, if not artistically, came out fairly well. It is only fairto admit, however, not one individual member of the troupe made what isdesignated as a personal success. There was now money in the treasury, and plenty of confidence to go with it. The consensus of opinion, however, appeared to be that "Uncle Tom's Cabin" was a little too riskyto repeat. It was admitted that _Eva_ was not what might be described asa howling success. Moreover, the boxes that did duty for ice floes werefortunately, or unfortunately, left behind on the golden sands of LongIsland. In addition to that, the artist who performed the dog act andwho as a barker in Coney Island might be considered clever in a way wasnow as hoarse as a second-hand trombone from a third-rate pawnshop letout for hire to a broken-down German band. An hundred and onedifficulties were interposed against the further presentation of thewell-worn old drama. It was finally decided that _Uncle Tom_ should berelieved from duty, for the present at least, and the play and thepublic given a rest. 

CHAPTER V

 "I would rather live in Bohemia than in any other land. " --JOHN BOYLE O'REILLY

The main point to be decided was the selection of the town in which thenext exhibition should be made. Various places were named, theirresources summed up, and the peculiarities of the inhabitants canvassed. None of them seemed to the assembled wisdom of the company to fill thebill. Handy apparently appeared to take slight interest in thedeliberations, but his active brain, notwithstanding, was at work. Hewas considering the situation, and quietly letting his companionsventilate their views before offering his. At length the exchange ofopinions reached the stage when the sage deemed it was proper to speak. 

"Eureka!" he exclaimed, "I have it. "

"Suffer us not to remain in ignorance, " urged the comedian. "Do notdissemble--enlighten us. "

"Newport!"

"Newport!" they all repeated in surprise. 

"Newport!" Handy replied calmly, and the company looked at each otherand then turned their gaze on Handy. 

"He's off his base, " said the dwarf. "Why, we wouldn't take in moneyenough to pay for the lights. Newport! Great Cæsar's ghost!"

"We'll never get out of the place alive, " volunteered the dog-man. 

Handy merely smiled as he listened to his companions' objections, but hewas firm in his resolve to have his way. 

"Newport, my friends, " began Handy, complacently, "is our mutton; andwhen I explain my reason for the selection I think you will concede thewisdom of my choice. Society, or the blue blood of the country, as it isregarded by some, make annual visits about this time to Newport, toenjoy themselves and to be amused and entertained. We can give them anentertainment such as they have never seen before, and possibly maynever see again. However, you never can tell. Anything and everything inthe way of novelty goes with them. It matters not what it may be so longas it is odd, new, or novel. Remember, we live in a changeable, hustling, ragtime age. Coon songs are almost as popular with the best ofthem as grand opera, and more readily appreciated. If we don't surpriseand amuse them I shall be very much disappointed. A tent show in staid, fashionable old Newport is an unheard-of undertaking, and we will havethe honor, and, I may add, the profit of inaugurating the fashion. There's the rub. The very novelty and the boldness of the undertakingcannot, in my humble judgment, fail to appeal to these pleasure-seekers. Of course, we can hardly expect them to invite us to remain for the restof the season. But let that pass. That's another consideration. It is aone night only racket, and trust me we'll do business. When they willhave the--the a--well, call it pleasure of listening to that strenuousband of ours on parade, it will be the talk of the town. Mark what Isay, " and Handy smiled. 

"Good heavens, Handy, old man!" exclaimed the Little 'Un tremulously, "you are not going to let that band loose on the unsuspectinginhabitants, are you?"

"Such is my fell purpose, " he replied. 

"Is there a police force there?" queried the comedian; "for if there beyou can hand me my divvy right now. Tie the _Gem_ up to the first rockwe come to and put me ashore. No Newport for mine, thank you. "

"Say, what is the matter with all of you? Does the name of Newport fazeyou? Don't you know that human nature is the same the world over in alltime and in all places, and that the venturesome fellow appeals to allclasses--rich as well as poor? Let me tell you, boys, if you will standby me in this deal I'll pull you through all right. Besides, the successof our Newport date--and in the height of the season, too--will besomething to boast of when we get back to the Great White Way. It soundsbig--some style about it, and, take it from me, boys, style iseverything in our profesh just now. You may have no talent, and not beable to act even a little bit, but if you have style and cheek and putup a good front you can count on an engagement every time. That's thekind of stuff stars are made of now. "

Handy's matter-of-fact argument was sufficient. He carried his point. The company agreed to do Newport and take chances. It had previouslybeen decided to shelve "Uncle Tom's Cabin. " So that perplexing matterwas settled. The important consideration, however, arose, what shouldthey substitute. A variety of pieces were named, but no decision wasreached. Handy's wonderful fertility of resource at length came to therescue and brought forth, much to the amazement of all, "Humpty Dumpty. "They had, it is true, no columbine, but a little thing like that did nottrouble the irrepressible Handy. 

"Do not the annals of the American stage lay bare the fact, " quoth he, "that on one occasion in Wallack's old theatre, when it was locateddowntown on Broadway, near Broome Street, in New York, during the run ofJohn Brougham's brilliant burlesque, 'Pocahontas, ' with the famousauthor himself in the cast as _Powhattan_, and Charles Walcot as_Captain John Smith_, the extravaganza was given for one night onlywithout a _Pocahontas_. And the records say it was the most remarkableand amusing performance of its entire run. "

Plays with and without plots are frequently presented nowadays in manyof our so-called first-class theatres, with players of no experience andlittle natural ability. The public accepts them because they are offerednothing better. But that's neither here nor there at present. In "HumptyDumpty" they had a good standard name. Just old enough to be new. 

"It is true, " Handy argued, "we have not the necessary stage equipmentfor a metropolitan production. The only thing we have, for that matter, is the name. That is enough for us, and we are going to do the best wecan with it. Ordinary actors, together with all the necessary equipmentof props and scenery, might be able to attempt a presentation of thefamous pantomime, but it takes your strolling players, bred and broughtup in the old stock school, to turn the trick without them. "

It was a lazy day on board the little vessel. There was no wind. The sunpoured down his rays so fiercely that it was almost unbearable. It was adead calm. All the sailing vessels within sight were motionless. Not asound disturbed the monotony of the scene, save the distant beat of thepaddles or propellers of an approaching or receding steamboat. Newport, the gay world of the summer metropolis of fashion, loomed up in thedistance, looking as beautiful as an alliance of art with nature couldmake a favored location. This was the Mecca toward which those on boarddirected their eyes and thoughts. 

Evening came, and with it a refreshing breeze. Once more the _Gem_ wasunder headway, and shortly after sundown the little vessel was safely inport, her anchor dropped, and the sails snugly furled. As soon aseverything was made shipshape on board, Handy and a member of thecompany rowed ashore to see how the land lay from a stroller's point ofview as well as to select a site for the tent. 

CHAPTER VI

 "What strange things we see and what queer things we do. " --'TIS ENGLISH, YOU KNOW. 

It was the height of the season. The colony was alive with the wealthyand fashionable ones of the republic. Thousands of bright lights shonethrough the clearness of the purple night, and music filled the summerair with melodious sound. Life, apparently devoid of care, and pleasureswith youth, beauty and excitement, were blended in harmonious ensemble. Handy took in the entire situation. He read, and read correctly, too, the constituency to which he was about to appeal. An ordinary theatricalcompany going there and hiring a hall, he concluded, would be nothingout of the usual run, and the chances are the performance would fallflat, stale and unprofitable. The possibility for the success of thetent, on account of its novelty, appealed strongly to his optimisticimagination. He was determined to carry the place by storm. A vacant lotclose to one of the fashionable drives was secured for the scene of thethespian operations. 

"Here pitch we our tent, " said Handy, "and don't you make any bloomin'error about it. 'Tis the boss place. Elegant surroundings; magnificentlocality, easy to reach, and lots of room for carriages to come and go!"

It may, perhaps, be as well to mention that the date selected for theentertainment was Saturday, just two nights ahead. For that same night agrand operatic concert was announced, under the patronage of an aspiringclique, in another part of the town. Good artists, though somewhatancient, were billed to take part in it. The craze for the antique then, as now, had no such potency as may be positively relied upon. Well-seasoned age has its disadvantages. Fashion is ever capricious inthe selection of objects for its recognition. So far as Handy wasconcerned, the operatic enterprise did not in the least disturb hismind. 

It was rather late when he got aboard. All hands, however, were on thelook-out for him, anxiously awaiting his return. He briefly summed upthe result of his work on shore; explained what he purposed to do, andconcluded by impressing upon the members of his company the necessity ofmaking all preparations with a view to rapid movements both before andafter the performance. 

After all the others had turned in for the night Handy remained on deckcogitating over his plans and perplexing his brain over approachingfuturities. At length he too stretched himself out for sleep. He was upwith the sun. Like a celebrated statesman of bygone days, he was goingto make the greatest effort of his life. 

By noon next day he received from the local printer the proof sheet of abill of the play. It was a curiosity in its way, and a copy of it mayinterest the reader. It read as follows:

 THE INDEPENDENT THEATRE!

 The Greatest Show of its Kind on Earth!

 FUN UNDER A TENT. 

 _On this Saturday Evening_

 Will be presented for the first and only occasion, Under the Distinguished Patronage of Everybody, the Great Spectacular and Classic Pantomime HUMPTY DUMPTY, _By a company of well trained star artists. _

 The Only Show of its Quality in Existence. 

 Those who see the performance will never forget it. 

 Secure Your Seats Early. 

 _By special request of a number of distinguished visitors the performance will not begin until 8:30. _

 Carriages may be ordered for any hour. 

 Box sheet ready at noon Saturday, corner of Vanderbilt and Astor Avenues. 

When Handy read the programme to his company they were so astonishedthey scarcely knew what to say. At first they appeared to regard it as ajoke. Handy's manner betokened earnestness. His companions thought itbest to withhold their curiosity and await further developments. Theirmanager they knew to be a man of action--a species of Oscar Hammersteinin embryo, with a blending of Wilkins Micawber and Mulberry Sellersmixed in. 

The company employed the afternoon in folding circulars and programmes. Handy himself was deep in the study of the élite directory, and underhis direction a large number of envelopes were carefully addressed. Thework went on systematically. Night at last arrived, and all handsenjoyed a respite from clerical labor. At nine o'clock the company wentashore, carrying with them their tent, costumes and properties--such asthey were. It was a busy night on land, and their strenuous exertions, under the cover of darkness, accomplished wonders under Handy'sguidance. It was next door to daylight when they got back to the ship totake a rest before the arduous work of the eventful day began. 

Before noon the canvas showhouse on the corner was the principal subjectof conversation throughout the town. During the night the strollers hadset up their tent, and there was scarcely a house in town in which theyhad not placed handbills and circulars announcing the comingperformance. No matter where an inhabitant wandered one of the "HumptyDumpty" programmes was sure to be found. The people at first glanceregarded the announcement with some degree of doubt, but the appearanceof the tent, with the flags flying, dispelled that fear. The tent seemedto have got there by magic. Like the palace of Aladdin, it had sprunginto existence during the night. Its appearance excited curiosity andprovoked gossip, and the announcement of "Humpty Dumpty" was a puzzle. With the most unparalleled nerve messenger boys were dispatched to thefashionable cottages with circulars soliciting patronage and invitingattendance, and a considerable number of the cottagers, attracted by thenovelty of the undertaking, concluded it would be a good joke to go tosee the extraordinary show. 

"We'll paralyze 'em, " said Handy to his fellow-players, as they weregrouped together on the stage preparing red lights, which he proposed touse as a species of illumination. "Wait until I let the band loose inthe streets, and if it don't fetch 'em, well, I'll quit the business. "

"Handy, methinks we made a bloomin' blunder, " remarked the Little 'Un. "We ought to have billed the town for a week. "

"A week?" queried the property man in some surprise. "Why so, may I ask, my noble critic?"

"Well, to be frank with you, because if we did, methinks after once ortwice having made acquaintance with our band, 'tis dollars to doughnutsthey would have substantially staked us to leave town. "

Handy looked at the speaker with a glance of mingled cynicism and humor, and turning to the treasurer inquired, "How is the advance sale?"

"Ninety-seven and a half dollars, " replied the secretary of thetreasury. 

"Good enough! We're away ahead of expenses now. "

At eight o'clock there was some excitement noticeable down near thewater convenient to one of the avenues. A few minutes later and theband, led by Handy, came forth. As the musicians marched the crowdincreased. Up the principal street the strollers paraded, preceded andaccompanied by a crowd of urchins and curiosity seekers. People came tothe doors to look and hear, and many windows had their occupants. Thestreets were crowded, and by the time the band reached the tent it wasfairly well filled. It might be as well to say that the majority ofthose who went to witness "Humpty Dumpty" did so for the pure fun of thething, and determined to have the lark out. There was no orchestra, forthe orchestra was the band, and the band had to do the acting. 

The curtain went up somewhere about the hour announced. Had poor deadand gone G. L. Fox, the original _Humpty_, and the greatest pantomimistof the American stage, been living and among the audience, he could nothave failed to enjoy the performance. It is impossible to describe it indetail. 

After a brief period the most friendly relations were establishedbetween the people before and beyond the footlights. Remarks full of funand humor were freely exchanged. Handy played _Humpty_, and introducedby way of variety a breakdown that, in the manipulation of his legs, would have made Francis Wilson grow green with envy. Smith was the_Pantaloon_, and obligingly entertained the audience, by specialrequest, with the song of "Mr. Dooley, " in the chorus of which theaudience joined with vigor. The song is not new, but Smith's particularversion, as well as his vocal rendition, was. The dwarf, who posedsomewhat as a magician and sleight-of-hand man, undertook for somereason or other to attempt the great Indian box trick. Two gentlemenfrom the audience were invited to come on the stage to tie the performerwith a rope. This was a most unfortunate move. Two well-known yachtsmen, and good sailors to boot, saw the chance for additional fun, andaccepted the invitation with alacrity. They set to work and knotted thelittle man so tightly that he yelled to them, for heaven's sake, to letup. The audience could restrain itself no longer with laughter. It wasplainly to be recognized that the show was fast drawing to a close. 

"Stand him on his head, " spoke some one at the rear of the tent. 

"Pass him along this way, my hearties, and we'll take a reef in his drygoods, " cried out someone else. 

"We won't do a thing to him, " chipped in a third humorist in the centerof the tent. 

The tent was convulsed with laughter and merriment had full swing. Itwas indeed a most remarkable performance, and the best of good natureprevailed. At the moment when the hilarity was at its height a commotionwas heard outside of the tent. The band, or a portion of it, burst forthonce more in the street with the most discordant sounds mortal ears everheard. This brought the performance on the stage to a close. 

"I would never have been able to get them out of the tent, " explainedHandy afterwards, "only for my letting the band--that is, the worstportion of it--loose on the outside. "

To make a long story short, as the saying goes, the poor players clearedover three hundred dollars by the night's show, while the distinguishedartists who gave grand opera in homeopathic doses in another end of thetown sang to almost empty benches. Handy told no untruth when heannounced on the bills that "those who witnessed the performance willnever forget it. "

Years have rolled by since this company of poor strolling playersattempted "Humpty Dumpty" in Newport, but the memory of that night stillremains green in the minds of many. 

CHAPTER VII

 "He employs his fancy in his narrative and keeps his recollections for his wit. " --RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN. 

A more delightful morning than that which followed the night of thestrollers' eventful performance it would be difficult to imagine. It wasthe Sabbath, and the spirit of peace seemed to exercise its influenceall around. The sun shone brightly; a gentle breeze diffused its coolingpower, and the surface of the water was calm and placid. The gracefulyachts riding at anchor were decked as daintily in their gay bunting asvillage maidens celebrating a fête. There was little of active lifeafloat or ashore. Those on board the pleasure craft presented anappearance different from that which characterized their movements thedays previous. It was, indeed, a day of rest. 

Among the fleet of pleasure craft lay the _Gem of the Ocean_. She wasnot a comely craft; her sides were weather-beaten, and her generalappearance homely and unprepossessing; but the same waters that bore theothers bore her. In her homeliness she presented a strange contrast toher surroundings. In the composition of those who were her occupantsthere was still greater difference. The men who trod the decks of theyachts were seekers after the pleasures of life, while those on boardthe _Gem_ were engaged in the hard struggle to win bread for the lovedones who were miles and miles removed--living in want, perhaps, yethoping for the best and for what expectancy would realize. The one setcomprised the lucky ones of fortune--the butterflies of fashion; theother the strugglers for life--the vagabonds of fate. Yet thesevagabonds had homes and mothers, wives and children, to whom the rough, sun-browned, coarsely clad men of the _Gem of the Ocean_ were their all, their world, and on the exertion of whose hands and brain they dependedfor food, raiment, and shelter. These poor strolling players hadhomes, --humble, it is true, --but still they were homes, which they lovedfor the sake of the dear ones harbored there. 

The forenoon was spent in letter writing. How eagerly these letters werelonged for only those who hungered for tidings from absent loved onescan explain. There is a magic influence in these silent messengers. Freighted with consolation, joy, or sorrow, they are anxiously awaited. How much happiness do they not bring into a home when laden with wordsof tenderness and affection! Home! ah, he is indeed no vagabond who hasa home, however modest, and dear ones awaiting to welcome him when hereturns, tired and weary with his struggle in the race for advancement. 

Before midday the occupation of the morning was completed, and after ahearty meal the company gathered aft to pass away the time and talk overthe past as well as to ventilate the prospects for the future. They wereenjoying one day's rest, at least. Seated in the companionway was Handy, the high priest of the little organization. 

"Do you think, gentlemen, on mature reconsideration, " began Handy, "wemight take another shy at 'Uncle Tom, ' and do business?"

The subject was thrown out for general discussion. The Little 'Un wasthe first to respond. He had been an _Uncle Tommer_ for years, and hisviews consequently on the matter were regarded with consideration. 

"Gentlemen, " he commenced, "the 'Uncle Tom' times are dead and gone. Theplay has had its day. To be sure, if it was resurrected and put on withwhat might be called an elaborate presentation, with a phenomenal cast, it might catch on for a brief spell. Of course, the cast would be aneasy enough matter to get, as casts go. Stars nowadays, such as theyare--Heaven save the mark!--are more plentiful than stock. But let themrest at that. I have known the time when there were as many as fifty_Uncle Tommers_ on the road--all doing well, if not better. There wereno theatrical syndicates in those times to limit the enterprise andenergy of the aspiring though poor and ambitious manager. 'Uncle Tom'audiences were different from those who attended other theatrical snaps. There was so much of the religious faking mixed in with the old piecethat it caught the Sunday-go-to-meeting crowd and drew them as amolasses barrel will draw flies. That class of people reasoned that'Uncle Tom' wasn't a real theatre show--it was a moral show. What foolswe mortals be? Didn't some poor play actor say that, or did I think itout myself? Well, no matter now. But don't the newspapers tell us thatthere was a big bunch of people in New York City at one time who used toflock to Barnum's Museum, which stood opposite St. Paul's Church, onBroadway, and how they'd scoop in the show there simply because oldBarnum called his theatre a lecture-room. It was the lecture-room racketthat caught them. The old showman was a cute one--slick as they made'em. When the museum burned down, didn't he go to work and sell the holein the ground the fire made to James Gordon Bennett, the elder, founderof _The Herald_, and got the best of the famous editor in the sale intothe bargain. Ah, those were the good old times!"

"The palmy days of the drama, I suppose, " interjected Handy. 

"Palmy fiddlesticks!" laughingly chimed in one of the group. 

"Oh, joke as you may, boys, but I am giving you the straight goods, "continued the Little 'Un, handing out a little bit of reminiscent newsof days gone by that will never be duplicated. 

"He's dead right. Speakin' of those days, " added Smith, "I remember wellthe times gone by in the old Bowery Theatre on certain gay and festiveoccasions to have seen as many as seventeen glasses of good oldMonongahela whisky set up in the green-room and not a man took waterwhen called upon to do his duty. They have no green-rooms any more. Butlet me tell you that's where the managers of the present day take theircues from, for those after-performance first-night stage suppers thatare frequently given for the entertainment of the principal players, afew select friends, and a big bunch of newspaper scribes. On the stage, mind you, not in the green-room, for the green-room is now a thing ofthe past. "

"Were you in the old Bowery shop then?" inquired Handy. 

"Was I? What! Well, I should smile! You know me. Say, you may talk ofthe realistic drama of these degenerate days--why, they aren't one, two, nine with the shows of days gone by. Oh, you may laugh about stagerealism and chin about real race-horses in racing scenes, and realsociety women to play real ladies, real burglars to crack unrealproperty safes, and real prize-fighters to do their prize-fightingfakes, in addition to attempting to act, but let me tell you fellowsthat the managers who are gone never missed a trick when they had to doa realistic stunt. "

"Well, you ought to know, Smith, " said Handy. 

"Why, hang it, man alive! they did everything in the show business asgood then as they do now; and what's more, they didn't have to importactors from abroad nor send over to the other side for stage managers toteach the company how to act. Was I in the old Bowery in them days? WasI? Sure, Mike! I went in there as a call-boy. Let me see--when? Oh, yes, I remember. It was the season that 'The Cataract of the Ganges' wasbrought out. Yes, sir, and they gave the 'Cataract' with real water, too, and make no bloomin' error about it either!"

"Oh, come, come there, old man! Draw it mild. Don't pile it on toothick, " interposed the doubting Thomas of the party and the mostjuvenile member of the troupe. "We can't stand all that. We are willingto swallow the whisky in the green-room, but water on the stage--oh, no!that's a little too much of a good thing. Why, my gentle romancer, theCroton water pipes weren't laid in the city in them days. Then how themischief could they give the waterfall scene? With buckets, tubs, orwith a pump--which? or with all three combined?"

For a moment the speaker was nonplussed for an answer. He feltembarrassed, and looked so. He was about to make reply when another ofthe company who, by the way, was an old-timer like himself, boldly cameto the rescue. 

"He's right, " boldly asserted the new contributor to the conversation, "dead right. I remember the stunt myself. "

It may be as well to state that Smith's veracity about theatrical thingsin general was not what it should be. His stories never could keepcompanionship with truth. He had so ingenious a manner of prevaricationthat he actually believed his own tales. If what Smith at odd times, when he happened to be in the vein, related of himself was true, then hemight be credited with having acted in nearly every city this side ofthe Rockies and have supported all the great stars. He was closelyapproaching his fiftieth year, yet he maintained he had participated inthe principal theatrical productions of a generation previous, with themost reckless disregard of probabilities. He seemed to have noappreciable estimate of time or place when relating his marvelousexperiences. 

"Yes, sirree, " said Smith, "I can call the turn on that trick. Why, thething is as fresh in my mind as if it only happened last night. Maybeyou don't believe me. Well, every man is entitled to his own belief, butlet me explain how I remember it so well. "

"Fire away! We're all attention. "

"Well, it happened in this way. I was engaged in the old NationalTheatre in Chatham Street at the time when the 'Cataract' was broughtout, and it made old man Purdy, the manager, so hoppin' mad to thinkthat his Bowery rival should get the bulge on him with a scene like thewaterfall that he determined to see Hamblin and go him one better. Nowwhat do you think he did?"

"Put on the piece with two cataracts, " innocently suggested Handy. 

"No, he didn't put on no two cataracts either, " replied Smith, somewhatindignantly. 

"Well, then, be good enough to let us know how he got square. "

"He went to work and announced the production of 'Ali Baba and the FortyThieves, ' with forty real thieves in the cast. How was that forenterprise, eh?"

"Great! Were you in the cast?" inquired the low comedy gentleman. 

"Nit! I wasn't of age then. You can't be legally a criminal under age. Don't you know there's a society for the protection of crime?"

"Excuse me. No reflection, I assure you. I did not intend to bepersonal. I was merely trying to find out how the old man filled out hiscast. "

"Well, my boy, " replied Smith patronizingly, "think it over a minute, and you will realize that the morals of the old days were in no respectdifferent from those in which we now live. Thieves, then as now, were adrug in the market, and the City Hall stood precisely where it standsto-day. Thieves in those times frequently masqueraded as grafters. "

"Smith, " said Handy, "you take the cake, " removing the briarwood fromhis mouth to knock the ashes from the bowl preparatory to loading up fora fresh pull at the weed. 

It was in this harmless manner the afternoon was allowed to slip by inthe exchange of yarns. Many strange and comical experiences were relatedby the happy-go-lucky little group. 

The shades of evening began to fall before there was any perceptiblelull in the gossip. The past was being rehearsed and made food for thepresent. How often do we not recognize that men live over again theirpast in recalling their experiences in the dead years that have passedaway for ever! How fondly do they revive old memories, though many ofthem perhaps were associated with pain and sorrow! The poor playerslived their lives over again in the stories they exchanged on the deckof the _Gem of the Ocean_ as she lay at anchor off Newport that peacefulSunday evening. 

CHAPTER VIII

 "Every one shall offer according to what he hath. " --DEUT. 

All hands, at Handy's request, turned in early, as he was determined tomake an early start down the Sound. He had not yet decided where hisnext stand should be. The selection lay between Stonington and NewLondon. If fortune continued to favor him he felt confident ofaccomplishing something worth seeking for in either place. There werecertain reasons, however, why one of them should be steered clear of;but Handy's memory as to names was somewhat vague, so he resolved tosleep on the thought before he determined on his course. 

Handy was the first man up and stirring next morning. The others, however, were not far behind. The wind was favorable and the indicationswere all that a sailor could wish for. After a hearty breakfast theanchor was weighed and the _Gem_ was once more under way, with all sailsset. The Little 'Un was somewhat timorous and apprehensive of arepetition of the trouble that overcame him the night before they playedthe Long Island town on the circus man's paper, but he appeared to besatisfied by Handy's assurance that it never stormed on the Sound in thedaylight. His looks indicated that he had doubts as to the truth of theassurance. 

The run down the Sound was uneventful. There was no one sick on board, and all were in a cheerful mood when they came to anchor in the ThamesRiver, off New London, the town in which Handy finally determined nextto try his fortune. The company had been out at this time nearly twoweeks. Though all its members were strong and hearty, their sunburntlooks and somewhat dilapidated apparel did not contribute to theelegance of their personal appearance. Most of them looked likewell-seasoned tramps. Handy recognized this. He also knew that thoughthe Nutmeg State was at that time regarded as a paradise of tramps, theinhabitants did not, as a rule, take kindly to the knights of the road. This may be uncharitable and unchristianlike, but people have got toaccept the situation as they find it. 

No one went ashore until after nightfall. Then Handy and Smith made alanding in the small boat, and surveyed the situation. An availablevacant lot was picked out. Ascertaining there was to be an agriculturalfair there the following Thursday, that night was selected for theStrollers' next effort. On the prospectors' return to the vessel acouncil of war was held, at which the plan of operations and course ofaction were freely discussed. 

"It won't do, " said Handy, "to try them on 'Uncle Tom, ' and I hardlythink they'd stand for 'Humpty Dumpty' as we give it. I've been here inthe good old summer days before many a time and oft, and I am conversantwith the kind of audience we've got to stack up against. On maturereflection, I have come to the conclusion that a variety or vaudevilleentertainment this trip will be most likely to appeal to theirsensibilities. Song and dance, imitations of celebrated histrioniccelebrities, coon acts, legerdemain exhibitions, the famous Indian boxtrick, and----"

"Easy there, " interrupted the dwarf. "Who's goin' to do the box trick?"

"Why, you, of course, " replied Handy. 

"Not on your life. Count me out on that stunt, Mister Manager. NewLondon is a seaport town. There are vessels in port and sailors onshore. My Newport experience has taught me a lesson. The sailor menthere tied me up so darned tight that you'll never get me to undertakeany such job as that again within a hundred miles of seawater. "

"But----"

"No buts about it. I know when I've had enough. Skip me. "

"Then I'll do the act myself, " retorted Handy, with a slight exhibitionof feeling. 

"K'rect, old man. You're welcome to the stunt. I pass every time whenthere's any rope-tying business in a seawater town. "

"Smith, you can give them a banjo solo, do a clog dance, and afterwardswrestle with your celebrated imitations you know so well, and do sobadly, of John Drew, Dave Warfield, Nat Goodwin, Sarah Bernhardt, andSir Henry Irving. "

"But I never saw Irving or Bernhardt, " interposed Smith. 

"Neither did the audience. What's the matter with you? And for a wind-upyou can give them a stump speech, and I'll bill you as Lew Dockstader, second. We have got to make up our programme, please remember. If youdon't want to take a shy at Dockstader, name someone else equallyprominent. It's all the same to me. When I do that Indian box trick Ipropose to bill myself as Hermann XI. Darn it, man, we have to havenames! This company, bear in mind, is made up of an all-star cast. "

"All right then, say no more, " said Smith. 

"Say, " continued Handy, addressing the ambitious young man of thetroupe, "don't you think you could manage to take off Billy Crane? Andgive them some exhibitions of his genius in scenes from his many-sidedrepertory, and we'll star you on the bills. "

"Excuse me, " replied the comparatively juvenile and promising artist, "but might I inquire who is going to look after my wife and the kid ifthat New London congregation should tumble to the joke? No, sir. Mr. Crane, permit me to inform you, is a fearless and experienced yachtsman;every hair in his head, nautically speaking, is a rope yarn. He is, aswell, a good actor, and New London is a yachting port. Not on your life!Billy Crane is too well known here, so in justice to my physical welfareI must decline the honor of being so presented. "

"Well, gentlemen, " returned Handy somewhat dejectedly, "theseunseasonable, frivolous, and unbusinesslike objections are reallydisheartening and unworthy of a conscientious member of the histrioniccalling. Let me tell you that you are the first actor I ever heard ofever having declined the distinction of being elevated to the positionof a star. In the words of the immortal bard, 'Can such things be andovercome us like a summer's dream without our special wonder?' Go to. Were it not that my hair is red and I have no suitable wig--and whatwould Sweet William be without a wig?--I'd do Crane myself. "

After further discussion on minor details the programme was arranged forThursday night. The next day posters were in evidence all through thetown. The fair grounds were literally strewn with handbills. Handy was agreat believer in printer's ink, and he used his paper with a lavishhand. The show was announced for two nights--Thursday and Saturday. Thevariety entertainment was billed for Thursday night, and "Pinafore, "with an all-star cast, was promised for Saturday evening. The companyhad no knowledge about the "Pinafore" scheme. When Handy was questionedabout it, he satisfied his questioners with the assurance that it wasall right, and he would explain matters later on. His assurance wassufficient. The company knew their man. 

Wednesday night the tent was put up. That day Handy succeeded, for aconsideration, in inducing the country band that played during the dayat the fair to perform a like office for his show at night, and do theduty of an orchestra for the performance. 

The afternoon of the day of the show an unexpected storm loomed up, which threatened the enterprise with destruction. It seems that Handyhad visited New London before with a somewhat similar venture, and hadbeen compelled by financial circumstances which he was unable to controlto depart the town in a hurry, leaving behind him an unpaid printer'sbill. Now a slight omission of that character very easily escapedHandy's memory. The printer, on the contrary, being a thoughtful man, onfinding that Handy was the manager of the new all-star theatricaloutfit, made his appearance with the sheriff and a writ of attachment. For a time the aspect of affairs was anything but cheering. The printerwas as mad as the traditional hatter. Fortunately the sheriff, who wasan old Bowery man in days past, and a pretty decent and sympathetic kindof a fellow, discovered in Handy an old acquaintance, and magnanimouslycame to the rescue and volunteered to help him out of his difficulties. The kind-hearted official guaranteed the payment of the printer's bill, to be taken out of the first receipts that came in at the box office. This arrangement being mutually agreed upon, the preliminary workprogressed actively. 

The night brought a crowd, composed mainly of the country people who hadattended the fair. It was the biggest, best natured, and most easilyentertained audience a theatrical company ever played to. There weremore bucolic auditors gathered together in the tent than the troupe hadseen previously. Handy had the country band well in hand. He made themplay down the main street and parade up to the tent. Then he got theminside and astonished his auditors with such a liberal manifestation ofmusic that those present could not well decide whether they had come tolisten to a concert or have an opportunity to see the real "theayter"actors. Handy evidently was determined to furnish them with musicsufficient to last them until the next Fair day. The band played so longthat the town element among the audience became somewhat unwelcomelydemonstrative. 

The curtain at last arose, and the variety portion of the entertainmentbegan. The tent was well filled, --the front rows of seats beingunpleasantly near the stage. The minstrel act in the first part wassomething unique and original. The country people took it seriously, butthe town contingent, recognizing the fake element, started in to indulgein guying the performers. This incensed the countrymen. They had paidtheir good money to see the show without being subjected to annoyancefrom the town fellows. One particularly strenuous young New London dudehad his derby smashed by an excited rustic who determined that hisPhoebe Ann should enjoy the entertainment even if he himself had to makepeace by teaching the city chap the way to behave himself and keepquiet. He evidently meant business and apparently had many friends whowere not only ready, but willing, to assist him. 

All the acts were short--very short--and between each of the acts therewas more music by the band. At length the performance was brought to aclose. Before the curtain fell Handy came forward, and, after thankingthe audience heartily for the magnificent attendance and generoussupport, announced that on Saturday evening he would have great pleasurein presenting, providing negotiations in contemplation were perfected, for their consideration, the melodious and tuneful grand comic opera, "Pinafore, " in the presentation of which the company would be reinforcedby several valuable additions, who were expected to arrive early onSaturday from the Metropolitan Grand Opera House. 

"Great Scott--'Pinafore!' You don't mean to say, " asked a friend a shorttime after hearing of Handy's moving adventures by land and water, "youhad the nerve to attempt 'Pinafore' with your small band of strollingplayers, eh?"

"Play 'Pinafore'!" replied the irrepressible Handy, with a smile. "Ofcourse, not. Never intended to. You see this was the situation; and theman who isn't equal to the position in which he places himself is boundto come out at the wrong side of the account book, when he is compelledto settle up. The 'Pinafore' announcement was for the edification of theNew Londoners. I recognized the fact that the country people in theirinnocence and goodness of heart would take kindly to the entertainmentwe had prepared for them, but for the town chaps it was an altogetherdifferent proposition. When I announced 'Pinafore' I felt satisfied theywould defer their energies and lay low for the 'Merry, Merry Maiden andthe Tar, ' determining to have a little fun of their own kind with us onSaturday; but after the performance we struck tent and by early morningwe were once more out on the Sound for fresh fields and pastures new. "

CHAPTER IX

 "One man in his time plays many parts. " --AS YOU LIKE IT. 

If the "boys" of New London looked forward to having a good old summertime with Handy and his all-star company the following Saturday evening, they were wofully out in their reckoning. Though "Pinafore" wasannounced with due managerial formality, perhaps somewhat ambiguous, forthat particular occasion, when the time for presentation arrived therewas not a vestige of either tent or performers. After the entertainmenton the night of the fair the company went aboard the _Gem of the Ocean_. Handy alone remained ashore. As he had been manager, advance and pressagent, and principal performer, he concluded to add another to his manyresponsibilities and become night watchman. The tent, stage properties, etc. , had to be guarded, and he undertook the duties of guardian. 

"Let no one turn in until I get aboard, " said he to Smith, "and you rowashore in an hour's time. Mind, don't be later than that, and youneedn't get here sooner. Tell the boys I have some work for them to dobefore they lay down to rest. Take a bite and a sup and join me here inan hour. "

The two men parted; one with his companions for the boat at the end ofthe pier and the other to play the part of watchman over his outfit. Afew of the town chaps lingered in the neighborhood of the tent. 

In the country, as in the city, it is remarkable what a fascinatinginfluence players exercise over young fellows who are ambitious to beregarded as the knowing ones regarding everything appertaining to theplayhouse. How glibly the beardlings of the twenties or thereabouts willuse the names of actors with whom perhaps they have never exchanged aword, in the silly belief they are raising themselves in the estimationof their auditors. It is an odd conceit, yet it prevails with thewould-be fast young men of the present day. To hear some of thesemollycoddles prate one who was not acquainted with their weaknesseswould imagine these chaps were on intimate terms with players--who, as arule, are slow to cultivate new acquaintances, attend strictly to theirown business, and do not particularly relish that particular class ofhanger-on. No man knew this type better than Handy. However, he neverantagonized them. That he considered would not be wise policy. Hegood-naturedly humored them with much superficial gossip that reallymeant nothing. His good nature never forsook him, and he always had histemper well under control. He knew to a nicety the side his bread wasbuttered on. That happy-go-lucky disposition of his stood him in goodstead many a time, and his free-and-easy manner of drawing people outfrequently served as an aid to determine his future course of action. The limited exchange of conversation he had with the loungers satisfiedhim that he was right in his estimate that there would be a hot time inthe old town on Saturday night if he remained. Finally the last dallierhad his say, and, after an exchange of cordial good nights, departed. 

Smith was at this time about due, and as he was noted for hispromptitude, he was on hand to keep his date when the hour expired. 

"What's the lay now, Handy, old man?" inquired Smith, as he joined hismanager. 

"Only this, and nothing more, " replied the veteran melodramatically. "There's blood upon the face of the moon, an' blow my buttons, if yourUncle Rube is going to supply the gore. See!"

The answer was not altogether satisfactory, and Smith apparently wasunable to grapple with the problem. It puzzled him; but then Handyhimself was at all times more or less of a conundrum to him. 

"Now then, bear a hand, send the boat back and get the company ashore asspeedily as possible. We have a few good hours' work on hand before weturn in. "

Smith made quick time, and it was not long before the members of theall-star combination began to materialize out of the obscurity of thenight as noiselessly as shadows. 

"Say, boys, " began Handy, in a low tone of voice confidentially, "wemove to-night, and I want you to strike tent, pack and get everythingaboard without delay. I'll explain all later on. "

"Move to-night!" repeated Smith. "Don't we play here Saturday night?"

"Nary a play, " responded the manager. 

"But you announced 'Pinafore' from the stage!"

"Of that fact I am well aware, " replied Handy, "but don't you know that'Pinafore' is an opera, and let me further inform you thatdisappointments in opera are quite the regular thing. In fact, animpresario cannot get along legitimately, my boy, in grand opera or infact any old kind of opera, without disappointments every now and then. The public expect operatic disappointments. They come naturally, andsometimes come as a godsend. You never can tell when a particular operais announced what you are going to get. "

"Then why don't you substitute something in place of 'Pinafore?'" meeklysuggested the Little 'Un. 

"Pardon me, my unthinking friend, but you lose sight of the fact thatsubstitutions are always unsatisfactory, if not positively dangerous. Besides, they are strong evidences of weakness. We are nothing if notstrong and resourceful. Suppose I substituted 'Faust, ' for instance, andannounced it with Melba as _Marguerite_, and suppose again that thefamous Astralasian prima donna caught an attack of the American gripthat same afternoon, it would hardly do to substitute Marie Cahill orMay Irwin to take her place, that is, provided we could have inducedeither of those distinguished artists to become the great diva'ssubstitute. Oh, no! 'Tis out of the question. But, come, get a move onyou. Let us be just to a public that has treated us well. "

The members of Handy's company were under good discipline. They weresatisfied that he had valid reasons for this sudden change of base, andtherefore, went cheerfully to work. Handy himself started for thewater-side, and after a brief absence was once more among them, doingthe work of two men and encouraging his companions by energetic actionand example. Their task was accomplished without the aid of light savethat which was afforded them by the bright stars overhead. It was anhour before dawn when everything was placed on board and the tiredstrollers had gone below to court the rest and repose they both longedfor and needed. 

"Let her swing out in the stream away from the dock, captain, " orderedHandy, when they were ready to start. "The tide is nearly flood and wecan drop down the river with the first of the ebb. We can get outsideearly and then determine where next we'll make for. "

"Aye, aye, sir, " replied the skipper. 

CHAPTER X

 "Originality is nothing more than judicious imitation. " --VOLTAIRE. 

Next morning when the company appeared they were not a little surprisedto find themselves far out to sea. The day was bright and all hands werein a cheerful mood. The first question asked of the energetic managerwas "Where next?" He turned toward the inquirer and replied he neverdiscussed business on an empty stomach when he had the opportunity ofdoing so on a full one. 

"Lay her course south by east, cap, " was his brief order to the sailingmaster. "Rather fancy we'll run in somewhere near Oyster Bay--where, I'll tell you later on. "

When breakfast was served ample justice was done to the repast. Here, beit said, the company lived well. The best the market afforded was nottoo good for them. Handy was as capable a judge of a beefsteak as anyman on the boards, and he bought the best. His companions knew it, andwere willing at all times to go with a commission to the shop. 

"Were you ever in the market, governor?" inquired the Little 'Un at theclose of the meal. 

"Yes, sir. I have frequently been in the market, " was the prompt reply, "but like many other willing and anxious individuals somehow or other, no one ever reached my price. "

"Oh, I didn't mean that, old man. I simply meant were you ever employedin a meat market, for that was as nice a piece of steak as I evertackled, it was so tender and juicy. Unless a fellow was a judge henever could have picked out such a choice cut. "

"Oh, I did not quite comprehend you! I now catch on. Well, you all, ofcourse, know that I served in the army and----"

"I told you, " whispered Smith, in a humorous aside, "he was a butcher. "

"And, as I was about to remark, I had much experience in thecommissariat depart----"

"Say, " interposed the Little 'Un, who had frequently been an unwillingand tired listener to very many of Handy's well-worn war stories, "areyou agoing to ring in a war story on us, old pard?"

"Well, I was merely about to explain that in keeping with my armyexperience that----"

"Nuff sed, " remarked the dwarf, rising from his seat. "Good morning!"

"Some other morning" echoed Smith, and he too rose from his seat. 

"Me, too. Ta ta! Tra la la!" lilted the light comedy man, as he pushedhis empty plate to one side, and one by one the remainder of thePleiades rose in solemn silence before Handy had time to realize thathis war stories were away below par among the members of his company. 

Handy remained alone for some time below, probably turning over in hismind the problem of the next venture, and then went on deck. He foundhis companions taking things easy in free and easy positions aft. It wasa forenoon to satisfy every desire of those who love the open air. Thewind was light--a nice sailing breeze--and the sun was not too warm. Fewwords were spoken, save inconsequent remarks now and then on somepassing sail. The monotony of the situation was finally broken by themanager, as he proceeded to unburden himself of his intentions for thenext entertainment. 

"Our next move will be to play Saturday night, that is, to-morrow, inone of these little towns near by on the Long Island shore, and withthat performance bring our tour to a close, return to the city, get afew more good people and lay out a new route. We have done fairly well, all things considered, on this trip, and we can afford to strengthen ourorganization and give the public something better, if not stronger. Thepieces we have been presenting are rather ancient, --almost tooclassic, --though I must admit we offered them in a somewhat originalmanner. We must, however, keep pace with the times--be up to date. Thesimple life is all very fine in books, but, my friends, 'tis thestrenuous life that produces the stuff. Excuse slang, but it is muchemployed nowadays, and vigorous emphasis is used even by the mostrefined. If we don't get new attractions I am afraid we may have toresort to giving away souvenirs. Souvenirs have, in their day, had allthe potency of a bargain counter in a popular department store welladvertised. Personally, I do not take kindly to the souvenir business. It isn't professional. "

"That's all right, " conceded Smith, "but an old piece frequently becomesnew when you subject it to unique treatment. Now, for example, I don'tthink anyone has any kick coming at the original manner in which we gave'Uncle Tom's Cabin' and 'Humpty Dumpty. ' No one ever saw them sopresented before. Of course, if we had one of these modern Shakespeares, that the commercial managers keep on tap, we could have a piece writtenfor us while we were under way to the next night stand. But that's outof the question. I would like, in common with the rest of the push, toknow what is going to be our next offering. "

"Let me see. Just a moment's pause, " replied Handy thoughtfully. "Wemight do a bit of a tragedy if we had the props, but we haven't gotthem. Besides, the trouble with most tragedies, as a rule, is the longcast, and in addition they do not give a compact all-star organizationsuch as ours a chance to show what we really can do. We gave them ourversion of _Uncle Tom_ nearly two weeks ago; and outside of Brooklyn, Iconscientiously believe that once a year is often enough for theremainder of Long Island. On mature consideration, therefore, I havecome to the conclusion that our best offering would be a minstrel grandopera concert entertainment. We have made an impression in thatdirection, and I am in favor of that which will sustain the reputationwe have so admirably earned. "

"Who's going to sing the solos, old man?" asked the Little 'Un. "Youknow, boss, the boys ain't much on the sing. They can work along allright with a good strong chorus when they once get started and warmedup, but when it comes down to the fine single throat work I am afraidwe'll get in the soup. "

"He's dead right, " put in Smith, "the single singing--solos, I believethey call them--in the first part will be a hard nut to crack. We can'tgive a minstrel show without a first part. They'd never believe we wereoperatic minstrels without it, even if we didn't black up. "

"Hold! Enough!" cried Handy, in his favorite Macbeth voice. "You make mea bit tired with this kind of baby talk. Haven't you fellows got commonsense enough to know that it is not absolutely necessary to have a voiceto be a singer? Suppose a singer once had a voice and lost it, wouldthat be a good and sufficient reason for him or her to get out of thebusiness? How many of them do it, eh? It is just the same with thesinging trade as it is in our overcrowded profession. How many of theso-called actors that inundate the stage quit the boards when theyknow--if they know anything--they have no talent for it. You fellowsgive me a pain. Voices and singing! Pshaw! I'll fix all that! I'll givea couple of you good high-sounding Eyetalian names, and I'll announceyou as hailing from the Royal Imperial Conservatory of Stockholm, andI'd like to see the Long Island jay that will say you couldn't sing, even if you had as little music in your voice as the acrobatic star of acomic opera company. "

"And now will you be good?" playfully chirruped in Smith. 

"Now, Nibsy, you will have to tackle a solo; and as you are to beannounced as a foreigner, you must treat your audience to somethingdifferent from anything they have heard before. As you will sing it, ofcourse, none of those present, with, possibly, the exceptions of a few, will undertake to understand what you are driving at. A few will pretendthey do--there are know-alls in every audience; the majority will taketheir cue from them, and that will settle the matter. "

"I tumble. But might I ask if you have any choice in the operaticselection. "

"No; none in particular, only that you must avoid any of the veryfamiliar airs from 'Faust, ' 'Trovatore, ' or 'Lohengrin. ' These greatworks have been so hackneyed by frequent repetitions at the MetropolitanOpera House and Hammerstein's, and Sunday sacred concerts, that theyhave been worn threadbare and become as commonplace as 'Mr. Dooley' or'Harrigan. ' Now let me think. Ah, yes! Have you heard that comparativelynew opera by Punch and Ella called 'Golcondo?'"

"Search me. No. "

"Well, then, I don't think the audience have either, " replied Handy, "soyour first solo will be from that delightful composition!"

"And for the encore, what?"

"The last part over again, if you can remember it, and we'll help youout in the chorus. "

"Say, can't you let me know the name I am going to honor? And, by theway, there's one thing more I wish to be enlightened on. Will it benecessary for me to speak with a foreign accent before the show, in caseI come across any of the inhabitants of the town before I go on?"

"Oh, no! That is not absolutely necessary. Don't you know that many ofthe Eyetalian opera singers in these days are Irish, some are English, abig bunch are Dutch, Poles or Scandinavians, and quite a sprinkling ofthem Americans. No, it isn't essential to use the accent in private. Youwill be announced as Signor Nibsinsky!"

"Is that an Eyetalian name?"

"Oh, Nibs, don't be so specific. Nibsinsky is as valid a name as anyartist might select to adopt. I give it the Russian smack because of myRussian proclivities. "

"Say no more, old man. Let it go at that. "

"So far as the chorus is concerned, we know where we stand and what wecan do--and the audience will before the show is over. As for jokes andfunny business--they are easy. But, say, we ought to ring in a couple ofinstrumental solos. The banjo, of course, will do for one. It is new, because it is very old. So that's all right. For the other--now, let methink. By Jove, I've struck it! Little 'Un, you can do a violin solo ingreat shape. "

"What! Me do a violin solo, " answered the dwarf. "Why, you know verywell I can only play a little bit, and only in an amateur way. Oh, no!Oh, no! Not this trip. "

"Easy there, my festive fiddler. Easy there, and loan me your ear. I'llarrange that all right. You will be announced as a pupil of the greatYsaye, and of course, being a pupil of that wonderful magician of theviolin, you must start in with a classical selection from one of thoseold masters. Which of them there's no use wasting time over. They won'tbe recognized. Then when it comes for you to get in your classic work, all you've got to do is to play as crazy as you can, bend your body, hugyour fiddle, make your bow saw wood over the strings, look at times asif you were going into a trance or a fit, do any blame thing that mayappear eccentric--for that, you know, is one of the characteristics ofgenius and originality--and you'll catch the crowd every time. "

"But, say, Handy, what about the wig?"

"Oh, that's all serene. We've got it. You don't for a moment imagine Iwould have you go on as a star fiddler without a bushy head of hair! Notmuch. As the poet sings--'There's music in the hair. '"

"That settles it. My mind is easier now. "

"But that's not all. When you get through with your classical gymnasticson the instrument, I will come down to the front and announce that youwill kindly give an imitation of an amateur player wrestling with 'Home, Sweet Home. ' There will be your great opportunity. The worse you play itthe more successful you will be, for, don't you see, you will be closerto nature. I think that will be a great stunt. Don't you, boys?"

They all thought it would be immense; at least, so they said. The Little'Un himself fairly chuckled with glee at the prospects of being anamateur virtuoso of the fiddle, even for one night only. The remainderof the programme was quickly made up. One or two brief sketches and arather rough and tumble arrangement for the close, which theenterprising managers designated as "The Strollers' Melange, " completedthe night's entertainment. 

CHAPTER XI

 "All places that the eye of Heaven visits Are to the wise man ports and happy havens. " --RICHARD II. 

By midday the _Gem of the Ocean_, aided by a favoring wind, made goodtime and Handy determined to run in to a convenient little cove nearOyster Bay. He knew the locality and felt satisfied that if he had hisusual share of luck he could make good and therefore add something tothe company's treasury. By one o'clock the anchor was dropped and he andSmith made a landing and both started to do the usual prospecting. Theywere successful beyond their expectations. The little town which theyproposed to honor with a visit was not far from the water. A small groveand a hill shut it out from a view of the Sound. The main road ran downto a narrow inlet which served as a kind of harbor for fishing boats, oyster sloops and clammers. Handy's well-trained eye lighted on aneligible site for the tent. It was a nice level plot with a fence aboutit. A good-natured Irishman named McGuiness owned the property, andHandy lost no time in opening negotiations and getting on his rightside. 

"An' yez want the use of the lot for a concert minstrel entertainment?"inquired the proprietor. 

"Yes, " replied Handy, "and for to-morrow night. "

"An' yez are going to give the show under the cover of a tint?"

"That's about the size of it. "

"Have yez got the tint?"

"We have, and the show that goes with it, and what's more, after youhave witnessed the performance you'll say it is the best that everstruck the town. Moreover, I want you to bring your whole family withyou and have seats in the first row for all of them. "

"Well, " said McGuiness, "I don't mind lettin' yez have the use of thelot, an' I'll do all I kin, in a quiet way, to help yez along, butthere's one thing I want to be afther tellin' yez, an' it is this, thatI'm thinkin' there will be the divil to pay whin Mr. Dandelion finds outthere's going to be a minstrel entertainment here. "

"How's that?" inquired Handy, "and who is Mr. Dandelion?"

"He's a very dacint kind of man, as min run at present, " repliedMcGuiness, "even if he is a Methodist preacher, but he hates showminlike snakes. He don't seem to want the young people to have any fun oramusement at all, at all, shure. That's why I'm afraid he will raiseould Harry when he finds yez here. An' then again, don't yez see, there's a fair goin' on in his church, an' to-morrow is to be the bigday, and iv yez are goin' to have your show to-morrow night, don't yezsee he may think you would draw off some of his customers? Well, I don'tgo to his church, God help me, so yez kin have the use of the ground. But looka heer. Whisper, if it's all the same to you, don't put up thetint till after nightfall. I'll see yez again. I'm goin' home now, " andMr. McGuiness walked slowly up the road. 

"Smith, me boy, " spoke Handy, as soon as Mr. McGuiness was out ofhearing, "we have struck a bonanza. Are we in it? Well, this is the bestever! Say, old fellow, when that sky-pilot casts his eyes on that tentof ours to-morrow morning there will be something doing about thesediggins, and don't you forget it. Why, the amount of advertising he willgive the show will do us more service than if we planted twenty acres ofposters all over the fences that adorn the smiling landscape of thispeaceful and prosperous community. Let us go aboard at once. The mainbiz is done. It's a dead sure cinch, Horatio. "

No move was made on board until ten o'clock. The place was then as stillas a country church-yard, and scarcely a light was to be seen in any ofthe houses when Handy and his company took possession of the lot andbegan the preliminaries for the following day's operations. 

A few hours of energetic work and the tent was set up, and later on thestage properties, costumes and musical instruments were all safelylodged under the cover of the canvas. Two of the organization remainedon guard and the others returned to the _Gem_. 

The unexpected appearance of the tent next morning took the inhabitantscompletely by surprise. No one could tell how it got there. Like amushroom it came up overnight. The farm-hands on their way to workhalted to look it over; the oystermen and clammers on the way to theirboats loitered near the spot to inspect it, and by nine o'clock most ofthe boys and girls within a mile of the place spread the news broadcastthat there was an actors' show in town. About ten o'clock the news hadreached the dominie, and half an hour later he was in consultation withthe leading lights of his congregation. The consensus of views inducedthem to call upon Mr. McGuiness. The tent was on his property, and he, they concluded, when appealed to would no doubt order the trespassersoff. They considered it an abomination, from their standpoint, for himto permit show-actors to offer an entertainment, and more especially onthe last day of the church fair, when a numerous gathering was expected. A committee was accordingly appointed to wait on Mr. McGuiness, butunfortunately that gentleman was nowhere to be found. 

At two o'clock in the afternoon Handy gave a free concert in front ofthe tent. The audience, it is needless to say, was not a critical oneand was easily pleased. When it was over and the energetic managerannounced a display of fireworks in the evening, both before and afterthe performance, there wasn't a youngster within the sound of his voicewho did not spread the cheering information far and wide. Those who cameto attend the fair in the little church performed that duty early in theafternoon and afterward arranged to visit the tent show of the actorslater on in the evening. The display of fireworks was not what one mightexpect to witness at Manhattan Beach in the height of the season, whenthat popular resort was swept by ocean breezes and when the renownedPain was there, but there was sufficient red fire burned to light up thesurrounding country. There was a crowd outside and when the doors wereopened there was a rush for seats. 

The house or tent was filled in a short time, and the audience wastreated to a polyglot entertainment of the most remarkable character. Nibsinsky's Eyetalian selections were listened to with some degree ofattention and a considerable measure of perplexity. He could not beconsidered a success and no inducements could compel him to repeat theperformance. But these things will occasionally happen even with some ofthe latest edition of stars! Ysaye's musical prodigy made someextraordinary exhibitions with his classical contortions, but hisimitations of an amateur violinist with "Home, Sweet Home" won theapproval of all present and brought down the house. It was voted thebest thing of the whole show. The familiar choruses too pleased theyoung folks, so much so that they all joined in and had a jolly time. The grown people laughed heartily over all the threadbare jokes thatwere given, and which have been passing current in every minstrel showand country circus from the days of Dan Rice down to Lew Dockstader. 

"It was, I have an idea, the worst show we ever gave, " declared Handy afew days after while speaking of it, "but the people seemed to like it. Just as it is in New York, it is a difficult matter to strike publictaste. That's what makes the manager's life like unto that of apoliceman's--not a happy one. The people who paid to see the show madeno complaint, and I don't think that I should. "

"Do you think the dominie's opposition hurt your entertainment much?"

"Hurt it! Not in the slightest. On the contrary, I believe it benefitedit. His opposition advertised the entertainment, and, by the way, advertising is another of these vexed problems most difficult ofsolution. I felt I owed his reverence something for what heunintentionally accomplished in our behalf, so how do you think I gotsquare with him?"

"That's too much for me, old chap, " answered his friend. "How?"

"Well, the next day was Sunday, and before we got away I called on Mr. McGuiness, to return him thanks for the way he treated us. 'Mr. McGuiness, ' said I, 'you have been kind and generous to my littlecompany of players, who are doing their best to make an honest living intheir own peculiar way. I now come again to you to ask that you do meone more favor. ' 'What is it?' said he. 'It is this, ' said I. 'Will youaccompany me to call on the dominie? He helped me with his oppositionlast night, and I want to get square with him if I can. ' McGuinesshesitated. 'Oh, don't fear, ' I assured him. 'I mean no harm. The fair atthe little church, I learned, was to swell the fund that's being raisedto help the widow and orphan. I want you to go with me to ask thedominie to accept the offering of a few poor strolling players toincrease the fund. ' McGuiness thrust his hand toward me, but saidnothing. I could see he was affected, for there was a watery look in hiseyes. We walked together in silence down the road until we reached thelittle church. "

"And the dominie?"

"He met us like a man. And when I explained my errand, and handed himour little dole, and turned as if to leave, big, good-hearted McGuiness, his voice somewhat affected by his feelings, said, 'Howld on a minnit; Idon't know, dominie, what he's givin' you, and what's more I don't care, but you can count on me, dominie, for double the amount. '

"I don't know when I felt so happy, as I walked down to the shore, between the dominie and McGuiness, for I felt we had done an act thatmen might well feel an honest pride in, while we made two men friends inthat little village who might otherwise have remained estranged. "

CHAPTER XII

 "There are more things in Heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. " --HAMLET. 

The sun was making a golden set behind the skyscrapers of Manhattan asthe _Gem of the Ocean_ tied up to a wharf in the East River. The cruisewas at an end. Taken as a whole, the venture had been successful. Thosewho embarked in it were once more back in sight of the great city, withlighter hearts and heavier pockets than when they left not quite a monthbefore. All had had an agreeable time, and, what was of more importance, a profitable experience. Anxious ones were awaiting them. The strollingplayers, contrary to the practice of many of their guild who start outon similar ventures, did not return empty-handed. They had practicalresults to vouch for and explain their absence. Their endeavors had notresulted in all work and no pay. If they had anxious moments and attimes hard work, they had their recompense and earned their reward, andthere were homes in which assistance was needed. They were solicitous, too, to hasten to the cherished ones who were waiting to welcome them, for strange as it may appear to the unthinking, the poor players whofret and strut their brief hours upon the stage have homes--homes thatthey prize beyond aught else and which to many of them are perhaps moredearly prized than is the marble palace by the millionaire. No one knewthis better than Handy. He therefore lost no time in bringing his craftinto port. 

"We can't complain, boys, " he exclaimed, "after all is said and done, ofour undertaking. Here we are again under the lee of the big city, withmoney in our pockets and our homes close at hand. You are not sorry youtook the chances, " he continued, as the company gathered together beforeseparating. "May good fortune always smile upon enterprise. "

"Amen!" responded Smith, who regarded that ejaculation as the properclimax to his manager's peroration. 

In half an hour the company were all ashore, each member homeward bound, and possibly turning over in his mind the many eventful episodes of thetrip preparatory to relating them to those who might question them aboutthe exploit. Stories of this character lose nothing by repetition. 

Handy and his fellow-craftsmen had not been home a week when theiradventures became the talk of the town, especially among the theatricalfraternity. As usual in somewhat similar cases, every impecunious playerbecame desirous of immediately starting out upon the uncertain sea oftheatricals. They reasoned that if a man like Handy could succeed, whycould not they also turn the trick? Could they not even improve on histactics? Of course they could! Were they not, they argued, better actorsand had they not more experience as managers? Of course they were, andhad! Where Handy had made twenties and fifties, might not they pick uphundreds? Of course there could be no doubt on that score. All this kindof speculation in words, however, ended only in talk. Those who indulgedin it were mere theorists--not men of action and active brain like thecommander of the _Gem of the Ocean_ expedition, who put into executionhis plans after he had well considered them. 

When the veteran made his reappearance on the Rialto he looked as if hemight be at peace with all mankind. He had nothing worse than a smile, even for his enemies. But then his enemies were few. His proverbial goodhumor and honesty of purpose disarmed the envious. The influence ofkindly smiles and generous impulses go further in this matter-of-factworld than many people are willing to acknowledge. A cheerful andencouraging word frequently helps in the accomplishment of a task whichwithout its influence might fall flat. Handy's dominant quality was hisuniform good nature. He rarely looked on the dark side of life. He, nodoubt, knew what it meant, but he never paraded his hardships before theworld or bored friends or acquaintances with the hard luck of his lot. At times he was blue--what man at odd times is not so?--but at suchperiods he veiled his heart, face, and feelings and drew the sunshine ofa smile between his disappointments and the outside world. With such adisposition success, as a rule, is but a question of time. 

When he made his first appearance among his confrères his manner was astudy. His face, from constant exposure in the sun, was bronzed andruddy and his general get up was what his old friend Smith pronounced"regardless. " In fact, Handy looked so well he scarcely recognizedhimself. He generally felt well, but to look the part and feel it isaltogether a different proposition. His adventures with his all-starcompany had been so freely discussed in every haunt where actors most docongregate that inside of a week after the Pleiades returned thefrequenters of the Rialto had the story by heart. 

The grand comic opera episode at Oyster Bay especially appealed to anumber of Handy's admirers. There were several who intimated that he goright in for grand polyglot opera and try and get hold of theMetropolitan Opera House. He smiled knowingly at the suggestion, andfurthermore gave his volunteer advisers to understand that, in hisestimation, that institution was under the control of much moreaccomplished fakers than his ambition aimed to reach. Besides, hereasoned, he was not the kind of man to attempt to take the bread andbutter away from some other fellow. "My policy, " said he, "is to liveand let live; and if you cannot get enough people with the long green, as they call it, to at least guarantee the rent for the sake of art, fashion, and display--or as the English song puts it, 'for England, home, and booty'--the next best thing to do is to buy, borrow, or beg atent and start out and go it alone in the open. "

One evening as Handy was on his way homewards he accidentally ran acrossa friend who, as the saying goes, had seen better days, and who had atvarious times a widespread acquaintance with the ups and downs oftheatrical life. This man's name was Fogg--Philander Fogg. In his way hewas as much a character as Handy himself. The ways of each, though, weredissimilar. Fogg was what the Hon. Bardwell Slote would designate as a QK (curious cuss). He on one occasion distinguished himself as an amateuractor, and barely escaped with his life in New Jersey for attempting toplay _Othello_ as a professional. In person he was tall, very slim, verybald, slightly deaf, and as fresh as a daisy. He had a general andmiscellaneous acquaintance. His friends liked him because of hisinability to see a joke. The consequence was they had many amusingexperiences at Fogg's expense. The gossip of the stage he cherished andcultivated. This made him a favorite with a large circle of femaleacquaintances who go in for all that kind of thing. People living, as itwere, on the fringe of society, who lay the flattering unction to theirsouls that they are living in Bohemia, and they are never so happy aswhen they are settled in the company of some pseudo-player discussingthe drama and ventilating the small talk of the stage. 

When Handy encountered Fogg the latter appeared in a hurry. There wasnothing new in that, however. No one who had any acquaintance with himknew him to be otherwise. There are such people to be met every day andeverywhere. He was a type. 

"The very man I was looking for, " was his greeting, on meeting Handy. "Iwant you to help me out. Great scheme! I'll take you in. I'm in a greathurry now to keep an appointment. Important, very important! Where can Imeet you to-morrow forenoon? How have you been? Are you up inBeausant--no, Col Damas, I mean? Don't you do anything until you see me!Can you get Smith to----"

"Hold! Enough!" interposed Handy. "Fogg, what do you take me for? A mindreader or a lightning calculator? Now, then, one thing at a time! What'sup?"

"I am going to have a testimonial benefit, and I want you to manage thestage and play a part. Do you catch on?"

"Business, " answered Handy. "Anything in it, or is it a thank-you job?"

"Why, my boy, there's a cold five hundred plunks in it. Society ladieson the committee. They will dispose of the tickets. One of them wants toact. I've promised to let her try and give her the opening. 'The Lady ofLyons' will be the play, and I will be the _Claude_. "

"Well, Fogg, may the Lord have mercy on the audience--as well as on_Melnotte_. "

"Oh, hold up, old chap. Don't be rough on a fellow. You know very well Ihave played much more difficult roles. Haven't I played _Hamlet_?"

"You have, indeed, " answered Handy, "and played the devil with him, too. "

"This is positively rude, " replied Fogg, "and only that I am aware youmean no real unkindness I would feel very much put out. I know you don'treally mean it. "

"Of course I don't. It was spoken in the way of fun. Now, let me know inwhat way I can help you and you can count me in. Business is business, old pal, and I know you will do the square thing. "

"There's my hand on it. Now I must be off. Meet me at my apartmentto-morrow forenoon at eleven and we'll go over the details. "

"Count on me. I will be there. So long. "

CHAPTER XIII

 "Life is mostly froth and bubble; Two things stand like stone-- Kindness in another's trouble Courage in your own. "

 --THE HILL. 

Next forenoon, promptly at eleven o'clock, Handy was at Fogg's house. Aring at the door-bell was responded to by that gentleman in person. Halfa minute later both were settled down in Fogg's Bohemian quarters, whichconsisted of a small reception-room and still smaller bed-chamber. Thereception-room was not luxuriously furnished, but it was by no meansshabbily equipped. A piano stood in one corner, a writing-desk placedclose to the window, and a well-used Morris chair were the mostconspicuous articles of furniture. Photographs in abundance werescattered all around on the walls, and on a table there were enough oldplaybooks to make a respectable showing in a second-hand book store. Thetwo men had not been seated more than five minutes when the bell at thehall door was rung, and in an instant Fogg was out of his chair and onhis feet. 

"What's the matter?" inquired Handy. 

"I guess, " replied Fogg, "that's the committee. They promised to be hereat this hour. Excuse me for a moment, " and before Handy could sayanother word Fogg was half-way down the first flight of stairs. Thenoise of the opening and closing of the street door was heard, and thensucceeded a buzz of female voices accompanied by a patter of feet on thestairs. Before Handy had time to prepare to receive visitors, the dooropened and Fogg, his face lighted up with the broadest kind of a smile, made his appearance, and ushered in the committee, which consisted offive blooming matrons who were instrumental in talking up and arrangingfor the proposed complimentary benefit. The ladies were not young; infact, it was a long time since they had been. But their hearts werejuvenile and they themselves were sympathetic and generously inclined. Handy was duly introduced, and then the female philanthropists andlovers of art commenced the business which brought them there, somewhatafter this fashion:

"What a unique little snuggery you have here, Mr. Fogg, " began one. 

"It is so artistic, don't you know, that it is too awfully sweet foranything, " replied another. 

"Ah! there's one of the best photos I have ever seen of the divineSarah. Where did you get it, Mr. Fogg?" added a third. "That one ofMaude Adams is fair, and that of Mrs. Fiske there in the character of--Iforget the name--does not do her justice. "

This medley of inconsequential conversation and chatter continued forfully half an hour without one word being spoken on the all-importantsubject they had presumably been brought together to arrange. Theytouched on everything theatrical, according to their lights, but that inwhich their friend was most interested. At length Fogg, in sheerdesperation, broke the ice, and in a somewhat hesitating mannerexplained the way in which he had induced his friend, Mr. Handy, to bepresent at the conference and give them the benefit of his vastmanagerial experience and acknowledged histrionic ability in arrangingthe programme of the proposed complimentary testimonial. Moreover, Mr. Handy had postponed an important engagement in order that he might havethe honor of managing the stage at the rehearsals as well as on theevening of the performance. 

The ladies were in ecstasies. 

"Oh, how charmingly delightful!" ejaculated the most rubicund of thecommittee. "And so you have finally determined, Mr. Fogg, on 'The Ladyof Lyons' for the attraction. "

"Yes, ladies, I have. A determination with which I feel satisfied youall will concede. Revivals of well-known successful plays are rapidlycoming into fashion, and it is well to keep up with the progress of thetimes. I might mention a number of old plays managers have incontemplation but as Shakespeare says--I think it was the sweet Bard ofAvon that so expressed himself--'Sufficient for the day is the evilthereof. ' That is why I have selected Bulwer's great romantic and poeticmasterpiece--'The Lady of Lyons. ' Besides, ladies, bear in mind it willafford Miss Daisy Daffodil a magnificent opportunity to appear as_Pauline_, a character, ladies, which has claimed the histrionic talentsof many of the bright luminaries of the stage from the days of theglorious Peg Woffington to those of Leslie Carter. "

"How well, how touchingly, Mr. Fogg speaks, and what a fund of valuableand truthful information he has entertained us with, " said Mrs. Doolittle, the chairman of the committee. "A better selection than 'TheLady of Lyons' could not have been made, and what a splendid opportunityit will be for dear Daisy to show off that light blue watered silk ofhers. It is so suitable to her complexion. "

"Yes, dear, " responded the lady sitting near her, "but will it light upwell? I am given to understand that the electric light is most trying onblue. Now, don't you think that----"

"No, I do not, my dear. Pardon me, but I know what you were about tosay. You were about to remark that----"

"Ladies, " said Mr. Fogg, rising to the occasion and in a polite manner, "will you kindly excuse me when I venture to suggest that the matter oftoilet is a thing you can arrange between yourselves and the fair youngstar, let us proudly hope, that is to be. But as my friend here, Mr. Handy, is a very busy man and his time valuable, might I suggest that weget down to business?"

"Quite right, Mr. Fogg, " one of the ladies answered. "Let us amuseourselves with business. "

"How many will the house hold, Mr. Fogg?" inquired Mrs. Doolittle, in arather authoritative manner, thoroughly in keeping with her exaltedposition as chairman. 

"About eleven hundred, " said Fogg. 

"Only eleven hundred!" exclaimed the stout lady. 

"Altogether too small. "

"Certainly it is, " continued the weighty one. "The Metropolitan OperaHouse should have been secured. "

"Ladies, " interposed Handy, "excuse me for buttin' in, but business isbusiness, and that's the humor of it. Let me tell you, in all frankness, that if you can fill the house, take my word for it, as a man of someexperience, you will have reason to congratulate yourselves on a greataccomplishment. Bear in mind, ladies, that benefits are benefits, andthat the theatre-going public take little or no stock in them. Unlessyou can rely on your friends coming up to the scratch--pardon me, I meanbox office--and before the night of the show, mind you--you stand a goodchance of getting it, as the poet touchingly tells us--I don't know whatpoet--where the chicken got the axe. Them's my sentiments!"

Handy's review of the situation and his matter-of-fact way of placing itbefore the committee caused some agitation. At length Mrs. Doolittlearose. 

"Let me assure you, Mr. Handy, we have hosts of friends, and when theysee our names on the programme they will be sure to come. Don't youagree with me, ladies?"

"It would be real mean if they didn't, " volunteered the heavyweight ladyof the committee. "But I know they will. "

"Of course, ladies, you know best, " replied Handy, "but my advice issell all the pasteboards you can before the show, and don't depend anyon the public the night of the show, when you intend to pull 'The Lady'off. "

Handy's practical admonitions and advice evidently were not appreciatedin the spirit in which they were tendered. The ladies' stay after theepisode was not prolonged. Mrs. Chairman Doolittle remembered she had anengagement in the shape of a pink tea, and must speed homeward to make achange of dress. The remainder of the committee considered that as theircue for departure, not, however, without reassuring both Messrs. Foggand Handy that everything would be all right. 

Handy and Fogg were once more alone. 

"Well, " said Fogg, "what do you think of it? A great scheme, eh?"

"What's a great scheme? I pause for a reply!"

"Why, the testimonial benefit, of course!"

"Say, Fogg. Are you right in your head? Is your nut screwed on properly?Is this a joke? The ladies are all serene and mean well--but darn it, man! you don't mean to tell me that you believe there's five hundred inthis snap?"

"Why, certainly I do, and more. "

"Cents. "

"No. Please be serious. Dollars. "

"Well, let us get down to cases and figure it out. What'll be yourexpenses?"

"Oh, 'way down. There's $75 for the house, dirt cheap--the ladies have apull with the landlord; $65 for the orchestra; stage hands, $15;advertising and printing, $60; flowers, $20; costumes, $11. 75; sundries, $10. How much is all that?"

"Let me figure it up. Have you a pencil? Never mind, I have one. Well, that, my friend, foots up $256. 75. "

"Why, that ain't much. "

"No. 'Tain't much for a Vanderbilt, but then, the Vans' ancestors put insome lively hustling in days of yore, and the Vans of the present dayare now taking solid comfort and shooting folly as it flies out of theresult of the old Commodore's hustling on land and water. An' now let meask you, have you got the dough to go on with this great scheme ofyours?"

"Well, no, I haven't got the dough, as you call it, but I have thetickets, and the committee propose to sell them to their numerousfriends. I tell you 'tis a dead-sure thing. "

"I notice in your expenses you allow nothing for your company. "

"The company have all volunteered. Most of them are amateurs. "

"And where does your humble servant come in?"

"Why, I propose to make it all right with you out of my share. "

"Ye gods on high Olympus, look down on us in compassion and smile!"spoke Handy in the most tragic voice of which he was capable ofemploying. "Has it come to pass that a verdant experimentalist like you, Fogg, could intimate to a veteran of my standing that I should take mychances of remuneration from the proceeds of such a quixotic scheme? Goto, Fogg! I love thee, but never more be officer of mine. " Then layingaside his serio-comic manner and assuming one that more easilyappertained to him, he continued: "Fogg, old pal, I told you that youcould count on me to help you out, and you can. I will manage the stage, but skip me on the acting. If the stuff comes in, I know you'll do thesquare thing. If the receipts are shy, well and good. You'll get left aswell as I. Get the old girls to sell all the tickets theycan--beforehand. Mind now, beforehand. Depend on nothing from the publicfor a benefit, and as for the night sale, it won't amount to a paper ofpins. I've been there before, old man, and I know of what I speak. Letme tell you--some friends of mine once upon a time got up a benefit fora widow. They gave a good show, had lots of fun, but----"

"But what?" inquired Fogg anxiously. 

"Oh, nothing! Only they landed the poor woman fifty dollars or so indebt. That's all. "

"Holy Moses!" was all the response that Fogg could make; but heevidently was doing a great deal of thinking. In this state of mindHandy left him. 

CHAPTER XIV

 "Nature hath fram'd strange fellows in her time. " --MERCHANT OF VENICE. 

Within two weeks the preliminaries for the testimonial were arranged, the night appointed, and the tickets in circulation. The company, asintimated, was made up principally of amateurs. As they were to receiveno remuneration for their valuable services they received about fivetickets each free to sell or dispose of as they would among theirfriends. Through some unaccountable oversight, they neglected tospecially mark or punch these complimentaries. This oversight led toserious embarrassment subsequently. The demand for tickets increased asthe date for the performance approached, but none of the applicantsappeared anxious to part with money in return for them. 

Strange as it may appear, there is a class of people--and a very largeand numerous class, too, and one not confined to any particular localityor special grade of society--that will willingly spend double the priceof admission for seats in one way or other for the sake of having thereputation of being on the free list of a theatre. This statement is notan exaggerated one. Had Mr. Fogg decided to manage the business detailsof his entertainment and suspended the free list, as he should havedone, he might have fared better; but who can tell what the future hasin store for any of us?

It was with considerable difficulty the rent was raised, and thatdifficulty being overcome, everything looked bright to the sanguineFogg, who was really a most optimistic individual, and rarely lostheart. 

At length the night of the great event arrived. All day Fogg had been asbusy as a bee. He had been to see the costumer, perruquier, leader oforchestra, etc. , and enjoined each of them to be on hand early. Handy, always prompt and businesslike, was on the stage at seven o'clock. A fewminutes later Fogg himself appeared, almost exhausted with the onerousduties of outside management, but for all that as cheerful and asconfident as any man of his peculiar temperament could be. One by onethe different members of the company appeared, and by half-past seventhere was the usual commotion and excitement behind the scenes alwaysattendant on an amateur entertainment. All the members of the committeewere on hand to encourage Mr. Fogg and congratulate him in advance onthe prospects of a grand success. Handy, perceiving that the time forthe rising of the curtain was approaching, crossed over to where Foggwas engaged in earnest conversation with Mrs. Chairman Doolittle, andsuggested to that gentleman that it was getting near the time to ring inthe orchestra, and that he had better go to his dressing-room andcomplete his make-up. 

"All right, " said Fogg. "Please excuse me, Mrs. Doolittle. Mr. Handy, Iwill now leave charge of the stage to you. Ring in the orchestra ateight o'clock sharp. I'll be ready. "

"Correct, " replied the stage manager. He then proceeded to take a surveyof the front of the house through the peep-hole in the drop curtain. Thehouse was filling up nicely, but, as Handy subsequently remarked, theaudience had a peculiar look that did not recommend itself to theveteran's practiced eye. 

"How it is?" inquired someone at Handy's elbow. On his turning about hefound it was his old friend Smith, of the _Gem of the Ocean_. 

"Hello, old pal! Well, I don't know how to size it up. There's a faircrowd, and if it is all money it's a good house. But it doesn't look tome like a money house. The people in the audience appear to be too wellacquainted. They act as if they came to a picnic. "

"Can you blame them?" replied Smith, who had a very low estimate ofamateur actors. 

"I guess I'll ring in the spielers. Time's up. " Suiting the action tothe word, he pressed the button. A few seconds later and a Germanprofessor with blond hair of a musical cut approached the prompt stand. 

"Ees dot Meister Vogue somewheres about here, I don't know?" heinquired. 

"In his dressing-room, " curtly answered Handy. 

"Ees dot so? Veil, then, I am Professor Funkenstein, und mein men dermoney want before dot overture. "

"You're in a large-sized hurry, ain't you?" replied the stage manager. "Can't you hold on until the show is over? What's the matter with you?Don't you see the house we have?"

"Mein freund, dot's all right. But mein men der money wants. Don't dinkI'm a fool because I'm a German man. I my money wants, too. "

"Mr. Handy, why don't you ring in the orchestra?" spoke Fogg, who hadjust come from his dressing-room made-up for _Claude Melnotte_. Catchingsight of the leader, he exclaimed: "What's the matter, Professor?"

"The matter is, Meister Vogue, mein men der money wants before they goesout. Dot's vot's der matter!"

For a moment Fogg gazed at the orchestra leader in surprise, and thenindignantly declared: "This is simply outrageous! What do you take mefor, sir?" Then turning to his stage manager: "Mr. Handy, have you got aslip of paper, in order that I may give this man an order on the boxoffice? How much is your bill? Ah, yes, I remember--seventy-fivedollars. Here, take this and go and get your money at the box office, "as he handed the order to the professor, who instantly made a hastyretreat through the nearest exit leading into the front of the house, Fogg disappearing at the same time in the direction of hisdressing-room, to add the finishing touches to his make-up. 

By this time it was nearly twenty minutes past eight o'clock, and theaudience had already begun to manifest indications of impatience. 

"Handy, " whispered Smith, "I'm glad I came. If I am not greatly mistakenthere will be a lively time here to-night. Mark what I'm telling you. "

Just then another individual approached the stage manager and inquiredfor Mr. Fogg. He introduced himself as Mr. Draper, the costumer, and hewas anxious to see the star of the evening, to "put up, " as he expressedhimself, for the costumes before the curtain went up. At this stage ofthe proceedings Fogg, now fully dressed for the gardener's son, appeared. He was immediately buttonholed by the costumer for the amountof his bill. 

"After the performance, when we count up, my dear Mr. Draper, " pleadedFogg, in his most insinuating way. 

"After nothing. Now, now!" emphatically declared Draper. "What do youtake me for? I'm no sardine. You pay now, or by chowder! you can play'The Lady of Lyons' in your shirt tails! You promised me the stuff inthe afternoon. "

The audience by this time had become restless and somewhatdemonstrative. To add to the complications, Professor Funkensteinreappeared in a most excited frame of mind. He had been to the boxoffice, but the bill-poster had anticipated him, and had threatened toclean out the ranch if he didn't get his money. The treasurer, who wasan amateur, settled immediately with the knight of the pastepot to savethe house from destruction. After the box office man had settled withthe bill-poster there was only $5. 25 in the drawer. That was at oncesecured by the florist in part payment on account of flowers that wereto be presented to _Pauline_. The florist had been given the tip by thebill-sticker, and he got the balance of the cash on hand by alsothreatening to inaugurate the cleaning-out process. 

The uproar in the front of the house increased. The stamping of feet, the beating of canes on the floor, and the catcalls in the gallery madeterrific disturbance. 

"You're a sweendler, Meister Vogue!" exclaimed the excited orchestraleader. 

"I'll make it all right with you in the morning, sir, " replied Foggindignantly, "and I wouldn't have your contemptible Dutch band to playfor me now under any circumstances. Please call the people for the firstact, Mr. Handy. I'll show you. We'll play the piece without your music. "

"And you'll play it without costumes, too, " interposed Mr. Draper, "unless I get my money. "

"An' begor, yez'll play it wid only sky borders and wings, iv I'm goin'to get left, " yelled the stage carpenter. "Murphy, run off thim flats. "

By this time poor Fogg was nearly out of his mind. Surrounded by anumber of excited creditors behind the curtain, and frightened by anuproarious, turbulent, and noisy audience in front, the unfortunatefellow recognized in his bewildered condition that he would have to gobefore the curtain and dismiss the public. But what explanation could heoffer? His friends were there to witness his humiliation. He wrung hishands in despair, wished he had never been born, and mentally resolvednever again to accept the tender of a benefit. Handy watched himintently, and in his heart felt genuine sorrow for the sad predicamentin which the poor fellow had placed himself. Touching Smith on theshoulder, he walked back on the stage, his friend following him. 

"Smith, this is a hard case. It makes me feel sad, and we must managesomehow or other to get the unfortunate devil out of the hole. This isthe worst ever. Do as I tell you, but be careful and let no one get onto you. You noticed that small bottle of red ink on the prompt stand. Get it quietly, and let no one see what you are at. Be very careful. Wemust devise some way of pulling him through. It's a big risk, but I'lltake it. That's all. Go now and take your cue from me. "

Things were growing from bad to worse on the stage, and the commotionand disorder in front of the curtain were increasing. Handy moved downamong the excited crowd that surrounded Fogg, and got close to him. Smith, after exchanging a knowing glance with Handy, also edged his wayinto the group. 

"Great Heavens! Fogg, my dear fellow!" suddenly exclaimed Handy, seizinghim in an alarmed manner, "are you ill? What's the matter?" Then in ahasty whisper he said: "Act now, d----n you! if you never acted before. Go off in a fit, drop and leave the rest to me. "

"Oh, nothing, nothing!" replied Fogg, with a strange stare. Then lookingwildly about him, he uttered a weird scream and fell in a heap on thestage. In an instant Handy was on his knees beside him. So was Smith, and before any one could realize the situation, the bottle of red ink inhis hand had dexterously performed its office over the mouth of theprostrate actor. 

Bending over him, Handy whispered: "Keep still! and act out your fit andI'll pull you through. " Then addressing those about him, he said: "Willsome one of you gentlemen kindly fetch a glass of ice water and a littlebrandy? This is a bad case, I'm afraid. A serious affair. Send for acarriage. He must be removed to his house at once and a doctor calledin. Poor fellow, the strain was too much for him. Ah, and by the way, will one of the gentlemen be good enough to go out in front of thecurtain and explain to the audience the sad mishap which has befallenour esteemed friend? Please break it mildly in the announcement. Thechances are it won't prove fatal, but I'm no doctor, so my say don't gofor much. Poor old chap!"

It was not without difficulty that the man who volunteered to quell thestorm in front could get a hearing from the audience. At last hesucceeded, and after he explained the suddenness and severity of theattack, the storm subsided and the people went quietly out. 

On the stage poor Fogg lay stretched out, Handy supporting his head. Hewas a sight. His mouth was liberally marked with Smith's home-madeblood, for the carmine had been generously though dexterously employed. Everyone expressed sympathy for him. Handy, with the assistance ofSmith, succeeded in getting him to his feet and managed to get him tothe stage door in his _Melnotte_ garb. Mrs. Doolittle's carriage wasoutside waiting, and he was assisted into it. As Handy was about tofollow, Fogg leaned over and whispered in his ear: "For the Lord sake, Handy, bring my street clothes from the dressing-room, or I'll never beable to leave the house. " Handy pressed his hand, Smith went after theclothes, and the three then drove to Fogg's home, and the carriagereturned to the theatre for the lady chairman. 

"Well, " said Handy, when within the safety of the star's quarters, "I'veplayed many parts in my varied career, but this one is the limit. Itbeats the deck. Fogg, you will have to keep the house for a week, atleast; then go and rusticate for another week, but above all things, forheaven's sake don't recover too hastily!"

"Oh, bless my soul!" remarked Fogg, as he surveyed himself in themirror, "you have ruined Draper's _Melnotte_ blouse. What the blazes didyou inundate me with that confounded red stuff for?"

Handy looked at him seriously for a minute, and then replied: "There'sgratitude for you. Ah! well, it's the way of the world all over. Help aman to get out of a scrape, and do you think he will appreciate yourmeritorious act? Not even a little bit, and the chances are he willbegin to find fault with your manner of saving him. Darn it, man! thatfiddler, costumer, and stage carpenter would never have swallowed anordinary, common garden, every-day fit, but when they saw the gore, theblood-red gore, they caved-in. It was a demonstration in red, and it didthe work. And now, then, when you are going to have your nexttestimonial you can get someone else to manage your fits. Come, Smith. Good-night, Fogg!"

CHAPTER XV

 "Come what, come may, Time and the hour runs through the roughest day. "

 --MACBETH. 

Never be it said that fate itself could awe the soul of Fogg. Next day, when Handy called on him, he found his irrepressible friend preparing tosaunter forth. That he failed to appreciate the humiliation of theprevious evening there was not the slightest reason to believe. Hisrestless spirit, however, was too strong to compel him willingly toremain indoors. He was nothing, if not active. In fact, he was miserableunless when employed in some optimistic scheme. No matter howimpracticable it might appear to others, he invariably perceived a meansto circumvent its difficulties. He believed in taking the biggest kindof chance on the smallest possibility of success. He was a remarkablyunique proposition. 

"Hello, hello!" exclaimed Handy. "What's all this about? Up and dressed. Say, don't you know you're a sick man?" Fogg gazed at his friend more insurprise than anger, and turned his head aside. "Did you hear what Isaid? You don't mean to tell me that you are going out in the streetsto-day?"

"Why not?" replied Fogg. 

"After what took place last night?"

"I must, you know!"

"With a busted blood-vessel in your innards and a--a--a----"

"Oh, come now, Handy, this thing has gone far enough. I appreciate allyou did for me in an emergency, but there's no necessity for keeping upthe deception any longer. I tell you I have an important engagement----"

"Hold! Avast heaving and take a hitch, " interrupted the veteran. "Giveme no more of that important engagement business in mine. I have somesay in this matter, I have. "

"You have--and how, pray?"

"Well, I'll give it you, and straight, too. "

"Go on, then. "

"Well, you were to have taken a benefit last night, weren't you?"

"I'm listening. "

"An' you didn't, did you?"

"Well, no--not exactly a--benefit, " replied Fogg slowly, with a sicklysmile. 

"And why didn't you?"

"Well, you are aware of the reason as well as I, " Fogg answered, slightly irritated; "because I didn't have the necessary funds to carryout my plans, therefore----"

"Rubbish and stuff!" retorted Handy contemptuously. "You always getthings mixed. "

"What do you mean?" inquired the mystified Fogg, looking more perplexedthan ever. "I do not quite understand you!"

"No, I didn't expect you would. Not be able to give a show withoutfunds! Fiddlesticks! You make me tired. Darn it! Any one could do theturn with funds, and if you had the funds you wouldn't need abenefit--unless, indeed, you needed them to take a pleasure trip toEurope or to buy an automobile. But the man who can pull off a ventureof that kind I regard as a financier; a man to be respected; a man ofmettle--I mean the kind of mettle that's next door to genius, so tospeak. By the way, old man, how do you spell that mettle--mettle ormetal?"

"I would spell it B-R-A-S-S. "

For a moment, Handy was completely put out, then extending his hand, hesaid: "Fogg, you may not know it, but you're a humorist. That wasn'thalf bad, as we say in England. I was never there, but it goes, all thesame. "

Fogg smiled, but Handy looked serious. He was in a troubled state ofmind on account of Fogg's expressed determination to leave the house. Heremembered all too vividly that he had been chief engineer of Fogg'sescapade of the preceding night. He had to economize on truth; originatea fit, burst a blood-vessel, and carry out several minor details to makethe undertaking thoroughly convincing. These, of course, he was willingto father, and, for that matter, felt a certain pride in theirperformance, when he remembered they resulted in relieving the troublesof a friend. But he was hurt when he came to reflect that the friend forwhom he had undertaken so much had so little regard for the fitness ofthings and embarrassments of the situation as to venture forth thefollowing day. It was too much for his sensibilities. 

"The idea, Fogg, of showing yourself in public to-day, or to-morrow, oreven the next day, is simply preposterous. It is out of the question. Imay almost pronounce it like flying in the face of Providence. Remember, you are still a sick man, and I am sponsor for your illness. Bear inmind, you were taken out of the theatre as good as a dead one, in thegarb of _Claude Melnotte_. "

"Yes; and thanks to that infernal Smith, " interrupted Fogg, "the suit isas good as ruined, with the stuff he spilt over it. "

"There you go again. Why, you unthinking ingrate, only for that markedfeature of the episode, you might at this moment be laid up in thehospital, if the stage hands, fiddlers, costumer, and bill-posters gotin their work. Instead of that, here you are where sympathizing friendscan visit you and hearken to your tale of woe. Don't you see, " continuedHandy, "if you are met on the street people will be likely to draw theirown conclusions and regard last night's emergency illness as a fraud?You know how uncharitable even the best of friends are at odd times. While if you keep within doors and recover slowly, no such uncharitablefancy can be conjured into existence. Besides, the time spent inconvalescence may be employed by that fertile brain of yours in devisingsome scheme for the future. I never willingly was party to a fraud, butwhen a friend gets into a bad box it becomes a human duty on the part ofanother friend to help him out. The end in view justifies the means. Friends don't go to that trouble, as a rule, but they ought to. Then youmust have some consideration for dramatic consistency. Even actors cannot burst blood-vessels with impunity over night and then gogallivanting about town next day. And again, is all this fineadvertising you are going to get out of last night's realism to bethrown away and go for nothing? Oh, no! I guess not! My dear Fogg, youhave got to be repaired before you are again seen in public. "

Handy's eloquent and forcible argument convinced Fogg that a weekindoors was the proper course for him to pursue, and also be guidedsolely by the veteran during his convalescence. 

"Now, then, get to bed at once. You cannot tell who may get it into hishead to call upon you. It is more than likely that Draper will be hereafter the _Melnotte_ outfit. "

"Goodness gracious, I forgot all about that!" exclaimed Fogg. 

"I thought so. Never overlook details. If you had traveled over thisbroad land of the free and the home of the brave as extensively as Ihave, you would recognize their importance. They are, my dear boy, mostimportant factors of success in the show line, as in every otherbusiness. You can start a show without money if you are careful in thearrangement of your details beforehand. I might be able to give you someuseful advice on that subject, which would prove serviceable if you evercontemplate going on the road. "

"I did have an idea of that kind, " replied Fogg. "I think there's moneyin it. Don't you?"

"Well, that depends. "

"On what?"

"That I can't precisely explain. I have seen some of the worst so-calledactors that ever trod the boards catch on with the fickle public, whilecounting railroad ties was the reward for some of the most talented inthe business. It isn't talent, ability, or merit that always tells inthis world. Don't you know that? To be sure, if you have money to backany one or all of them up, together with grit enough to hold on untilthe tide turns, you may stand a chance. But sometimes, even then onegets left. "

"Pshaw! I've known fellows without any one of these qualifications youhave enumerated succeed--fellows who had neither friends nor capital toaid them, " responded Fogg, as he removed his coat. "How do you accountfor that, old man?"

"Easily enough, " answered Handy, seemingly not a bit put out. "They musthave had those magnificent endowments which may be tersely summed up inthe simple words 'cheek' and 'push, ' qualities sufficiently potent totransform a mouse-trap into a fortune or a tobacco patent of some kindinto a grand opera house. These are, my boy, the magician's wand. Hurryup and peel off your vest. Cheek is the capital with which theimpecunious push ahead while modest merit remains in the backgroundwaiting for a chance. There, now, don't stand and stare. Pull off yourshoes. You're too slow. As I was saying, cheek in business generally isthe _avant courier_ of success. Catch on to my French? Say, what's thematter now--burst a button off your pants? Never mind. You'll haveplenty of time to make repairs during the week. Remember what I tellyou. Cheek backed up by energy will win every time, and don't make anymistake about it. There, now, lie down and give me a chance to mend youand help to get your business affairs in some kind of shape that will beintelligible. By the way, have you such things as a pipe and tobacco onthe premises?"

"Yes, you will find them on the shelf yonder. But see here, Handy. Idon't half like this quarantine business--lying down and playing sickwhen I am as well as you are!"

"Then why in the name of Christopher Columbus' cat didn't you think ofthat before you went off in that fit last night! What did you do thatfor, eh? A joke? The punishment fits the crime, my friend, and you mightas well make up your alleged mind to that fact, and that you'll have totake such medicine as I prescribe for at least a week to come. "

Just then was heard the ring of the hall bell, and shortly after aservant-like knock at the door of the apartment followed. Handy motionedhis patient to lie down and keep still, and then called, "Come in!" Thedoor opened and a servant popped in her head and informed the twofriends that down-stairs was a man named Draper, who wanted to see Mr. Fogg. 

"Draper! Draper!" repeated Handy, as if endeavoring to recall the nameto his recollection. "Fogg, dear boy, do you know any one named Draper?"Then turning to the servant: "Are you certain you got the gentleman'sname correct?"

"He towld me his name was Draper, and sure that's all I know about him. "

"Will you be kind enough, like a good girl, to skip down-stairs and askthe gentleman to send up his card?" said Handy in his most persuasivemanner. 

The lady who officiated as menial evidently did not relish anotherjourney up and down-stairs, but Handy's winning way and manner ofappealing to her had the desired effect. She condescended to oblige, butwith a look, however, that might readily be mistaken for one other thanpleasure over the job, with an accompanying murmur of words that soundedvery much like "people puttin' on airs. "

"Why, Handy, you know very well who that is down at the door, " saidFogg, raising himself in bed. 

"Know! Well, I should smile! Why, of course I know. But, my boy, I needa little time to get things straightened out before we receive visitors. Lie down and keep quiet. I'm running this show. These _Melnotte_ dudswill have to go to the wash. Ten to one that's what Draper has calledfor. That fellow has an eye as sharp as a hawk. "

"What has that to do with the case?"

"This, if you are anxious to know. Draper would get on to that red inkstain quicker than a wink. You couldn't fool that gentleman on ink forblood. Just cast your eagle eye over it. " He held the blouse up forinspection. "Why, it looks more like cranberry sauce on a jamboree thanhuman gore. I will stow this away in the closet, and now bear in mind ithas gone to the wash. "

"Oh, all right!"

"Come in. " This in answer to a knock at the door, and Bedelia, for suchwas the lady attendant's name, reappeared. 

"The man down at the door below sez as how he has no card wid him, butthat yez knows him very well already. He sez he's a customer. "

"A what?" yelled Handy. 

"A customer, " shouted back Bedelia. 

"A customer, " echoed Handy, and then in his most agreeable mannercontinued: "Now, my gentle friend, for I know you are gentle, andtherefore must be a friend, did not the man in the gap below tell you hewas a costumer, and not a customer? Think, for the difference betweenthe two is of some degree of importance. "

"Well, sur, I may not be as well up in the new-fangled ways of spakin'as some other people are. Begor! with yer cawn'ts an' shawn'ts, an'chawnces, an' the divil only knows what in the way of pronunciayshon, adacint, hard-workin' gerl can't make out half what's said nowadays. Youcall the man down-stairs wan thing an' I call him another, but both ofthem are the same man. Arrah! what's the matther wid yez, at all, atall?"

With this withering invective, Bedelia looked as if she could annihilateHandy. 

The veteran in an amusingly polite manner arose and bowed. "All right, Bedelia, and if it's all the same to you, you may as well waltz thecustomer up. "

"Well, sur, " she answered, with what she possibly considered satiricdignity, "I'll sind him up, but I would like yez to understhand thatI've plinty to do widout climbing up and down two pair of stairs waitin'on show-actors, " and she then hurried out and bang! went the door. 

"Fogg, my boy, " said Handy, with a smile, "that handmaiden is a passionflower. 'Twould be an injustice to the more modest posy to designate hera daisy. "

He was about to indulge in a laugh, when a masculine knock at the doorinterrupted. Moving quietly across the room, he opened the door. A nodof recognition and the costumer entered. 

"Will you kindly take a seat, Mr. Draper?" he said in a subdued voice, as he motioned the visitor to a chair beside the bed. 

"It's awfully kind of you, Draper, to call, " said Fogg in a feeble toneof voice, at the same time extending his hand. "This is a bad blow. Whowould have thought this time yesterday that I would now be----"

"Hush!" interrupted Handy gently. "You must keep still and not growexcited. You know what the doctor said. " Then turning to the costumer, Handy explained Fogg's condition, the possible effect excitement wouldbe likely to produce, and the evil consequences that might ensue. "He isnot yet quite out of danger, but I guess he'll pull through, provided hewill keep still and obey orders. The doctor says----Oh! by the way, Mr. Draper, you didn't meet the doctor on your way up, did you?" inquiredHandy meekly, as he placed the invalid's hand back under the coverlet. 

"No!" replied Mr. Draper, "I did not. What physician is attending him?"

"Oh! Doctor--ah--Doctor----Some German name. Hold on! That lastprescription will tell us. " But somehow or other Handy could not lay hishand on it. 

"Never mind. Don't put yourself to any trouble. It doesn't matter. "

"Oh, by the way, Mr. Draper, " and Handy bent down toward him and in alow tone of voice said, "That _Melnotte_ dress our poor friend had on atthe time of the occurrence was so soiled that we had to send it to thelaundry before returning it. It will be all right, though. "

"Darn the thing!" replied Draper, somewhat indignantly. "You don't meanto think that is what I called around for. No, sir. " Then rising fromthe chair, he turned toward Fogg. "Now, then, old chap, get all rightagain. Your friend here will look after you. I merely dropped in to paya little friendly visit. " He turned to leave the room, at the same timebeckoning to Handy to step outside the door. 

The two went out together, and though the time Handy remained away wasbrief, Fogg's anxiety magnified it and it made him restless. At lengthHandy returned, and with much more subdued demeanor than before he wentout. He appeared grave and thoughtful. 

"What's up now?" inquired Fogg, half raising from the bed. "What didDraper have to say? Is it that which disturbs you?"

Handy remained silent for a time. "Yes. It is not only what he said, butwhat he did that knocks me. "

"I am really sorry to hear you say so, " sympathetically replied Fogg. 

"You know when we went outside"--and Handy breathed a heavy sigh andpaused--"Draper placed his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Mr. Handy, youare a friend of Fogg?' I nodded an assent. 'I don't suppose, ' he says, 'he has any too much ready money for an emergency of this kind, so thatwhen affliction pays an unwelcome visit and sudden sickness crosses thethreshold a few dollars at such a time come not amiss. '"

"Good-hearted fellow, after all. "

"'Now, ' he continued, 'don't let anything worry the poor devil. Let himconsider the bill for costumes chalked off. Here, put this ten dollarsto the best advantage you can use it for any little necessaries that maybe wanting in the sick-room. '"

"You don't mean it!" cried Fogg excitedly. 

"Oh, hang it, that was too much for me!" And Handy began to pace thefloor nervously. 

"And what did you do when he offered the money?"

"Do!" replied Handy indignantly. "Do! Why, I declined to take it, ofcourse. I can do a good many things; but no--not that, not that. "

"Right!"

"I told him you were not in need of anything. You had all you wanted. That was a lie, of course, but then there are times and circumstanceswhen a lie may counterfeit truth. I insisted I could not accept it. Whatdo you think he said?"

"Can't imagine. "

"'Well!' he replied, 'if he doesn't want for anything, what was thebenefit got up for? Here, take the stuff, and have no more sillynonsense about it. ' He then thrust the money into my vest pocket andhurried down the stairs. "

"Handy, you amaze me!"

"There it is, " and he threw the bills on the bed to Fogg, and walked theroom with pain distinctly written over his usually happy face. "Theworld is not so cold-hearted after all. Those we least suspect havehearts to feel for sufferings of others, and what is more, they have apractical way of expressing their sympathy. " Then turning to Fogg, headded with much feeling: "This incident saddens me!"

"You are right. This money must be returned. I cannot take it, " and Foggtoo became thoughtful. 

For the first time the evil of the fraud which had been perpetratedbecame forcibly evident to both men. One genuine act of kindness hadstripped deceit of its covering more effectively than the logic of ahundred sermons. 

"Perhaps the next experience, " said Handy, still in a reflective mood, "will be the appearance of that tough stage carpenter who threatened tocompel you to describe the beauties of your palace by Lake Como with skyborders and wings, with a supply of delicacies from his humble home, ormaybe a contribution in cash exceeding the sum you agreed to pay him forhis labor, in order that he might show his kindly disposition to assistwhen misfortune overtook you. "

Both were visibly affected. The deception they practiced, though itbrought a certain temporary relief from an embarrassing situation, alsocarried with it its own punishment. For a time they remained silent. 

"Handy, " began Fogg, "if the thing had been real and resulted fatally, Iverily believe that old man Funkenstein would have volunteered tofurnish the music for my funeral, and not have charged my friends a redcent. "

"Sure! And what's more, " replied Handy, the humorous side appealing tohis fancy, "let me tell you, as a dead one you would have drawn a darn'dsight bigger house than you ever can as a live actor. "

Notwithstanding his troubles, Fogg appreciated the humorous sally of hisassociate. He threw himself back on his bed and enjoyed a hearty laugh. Handy permitted him to enjoy his merriment and then reminded him thatalthough to the outer world he was on the blink, so far as prosperitywas concerned, the enforced inaction of the sick-room would never bridgeover the difficulties that encompassed him. He reminded Fogg that he wasfinancially dead broke. It is true he was in the great city, the meccatoward which all strolling players turn their eyes as well as their toeswhen they are in financial straits, but the fact of being in themetropolis was not sufficient. It was necessary to set about doingsomething. 

"Let me tell you, Fogg, that thinking without action to back it up cutsno ice. Never did--never will. You may think until doomsday andaccomplish nothing. I will point a moral without ornamenting a tale, byrelating an experience I once had when I was out West some time ago witha company and got stranded, and if you will loan me your ear I will atale unfold. What say you?"

"Proceed. "

"First let me dispose of a quiet pipeful of tobacco to collect myscattered thoughts and I will unbosom myself. "

CHAPTER XVI

 A New Way to Pay Old Debts. 

After Handy had complacently smoked a pipeful of Fogg's tobacco he laidthe comforter aside and started in one of those characteristic chaptersof incidents to be found scattered here and there on the pathway ofnearly every player who amounts to anything either at home or abroad. 

"You may remember that a few years ago I got together a company with aview to endeavor to enlighten as well as to instruct the public of theso-called wild and woolly West. "

"Yes. "

"Part of the company I picked up here, the remainder I managed to scrapetogether in Chicago. Times were not good; actors were easily had, andwere willing to take long chances on the prospects of even getting breadand butter. Please don't take me too literally. They were well aware ofthe fact that if the money came in they would surely get their share. All who know me are pretty well satisfied on that score. Deal squarelywith the people about you, is my maxim, and they will stand by you whenthe pinch comes. I have gone on that principle all through my variedcareer and I know the benefit of what I speak. "

"Yes; all things considered, " replied Fogg, "you have been on theSquare. "

"Good! You're improving! Well, as I was saying, I got my companytogether and set out. We opened in Denver. Did fairly well; pushed onstill further. Struck bad business, and at the end of a couple of weekslanded high and dry on Saturday night in a far Western town--No need ofmentioning names. "

"As soon as that--two weeks?"

"Just two weeks. Oh, don't affect surprise. I've known companies to gowhere the woodbine twineth on the third night out. There is nothing newin that. Well, the night I have reference to was so bad, that is thereceipts were so slender, that we didn't take in money enough to pay forthe gas, and remember we were under contract to play the followingMonday in a city not more than fifty miles or so away. "

"Well, you had all Sunday and most of Monday to get there, and keep yourdate. There's nothing in that, " remarked Fogg, with a smile. 

"Very true; but, my optimistic friend, permit me to inform you that mycompany was not solely made up of pedestrians, and, moreover, walking inmidwinter as a rule is not good. So you may readily recognize I was in aperplexing predicament. After I glanced over the box office statement Ihardly knew where I was at. As I thought the situation over before mearose the stern reality of a large-sized board bill, for bear in mind Ihad guaranteed to pay the traveling and hotel bills of the company. Hotelkeepers are such matter-of-fact and precise individuals in theirpeculiar ways of dealings that it is difficult for those of emptypockets to get along pleasantly with them. "

"Absurdly so, " admitted Fogg. 

"Pleased to hear you say so, but then, my boy, you never ran a hotel. "

"No, but I kept the books of a traveling politician one season!"

"You did?"

"Fact. "

"You weren't traveling with a show?"

"Nit, I was attending political conventions. "

"Oh, that settles it. That was a dead easy job. The party put up thedough and the public in the end pays the score. That's anotherproposition altogether. But the poor player who--well, no matter. No usein becoming sentimental or spoony about it. Now, own up, my position wasunpleasantly embarrassing, wasn't it?"

"It was not exhilarating. "

"No. There was nothing cheering about it. However, I put on no longface, though between ourselves I wished some other fellow stood in myshoes. "

"How considerate for the other fellow!"

"Well, " continued Handy, "that's neither here nor there, but I made upmy mind to get out of that town bag and baggage and keep my date Mondaynight, all the samee. "

"I admire your pluck. "

"Pluck? Nothing of the kind. Pluck had nothing to do with the case. Itwas tact and resource that came to my assistance. Season your admirationfor a moment and I'll give you a wrinkle worth remembering. After a biteand a snack I went to bed, not to worry, but to sleep. Let me say, byway of comment, that a few hours' rest is a powerful rejuvenator. Youcan do much better work in the morning after a good night's sleep thanif you had passed weary hours tossing and tumbling about in bemoaningyour hard luck and picturing to yourself what might have been if you haddone so and so. All rot. Let the other fellow do the worrying. Remember, my boy, the past is irreclaimable, the present the life we arestruggling in, and the future what we make it, or rather try to makeit. "

"Handy, I had no idea you were such a philosopher!"

"Indeed! Well, experience teaches me to be practical, " replied theveteran, "and I trust I may be able to prove to you the truth of what Isay. As I told you, I retired to my bed to sleep, and sleep I did, assoundly as if I owned one-half the town and had a mortgage on the otherhalf. Next morning I got up refreshed and with a good appetite forbreakfast. After the morning's meal I settled myself down to theenjoyment of a cigar. At that stage of the game I could not afford to beseen smoking a pipe. Never give your poverty away to the world unlessyou can make final disposition of it. Then came the real task--thecrisis. "

"The tug of war, eh?"

"Just so. The tug of war, so to speak. I braced the landlord! I invitedhim to take a chair beside me and began the siege. "

"Commenced operations. Fire away. "

"I had already made a study of the man, and had well considered my planof attack. I opened by telling him frankly I was in trouble. The week'sbusiness had been bad, receipts next door to nothing, my share slim. Tomake a long story short, I confessed I could not settle my bill. "

"That must have been an interesting communication for mine host of theinn. How did he take it?"

"Well, his reception of the information somewhat surprised me. Ianticipated a storm; but no. He was perfectly calm. I waited for areply, but he simply remarked, 'Well?' I then enlarged on my ill-luck, bad business, terrible weather, and wound up with a pathetic story ofour situation. 'Well, ' he again exclaimed, 'I will hold the baggage andstuff until you can settle up. '"

"The old, old story, " plaintively exclaimed Fogg. 

"I felt that was coming, but I also judged from the manner of thatdecision, cold as it was in all the integrity of its meaning, that I hada practical man to deal with. Take my word for it, Fogg, it is alwaysbetter to have business dealings with a man of that type than with onewho, while he loads you up with sympathy to beat the band, doesn't meana word of it. To settle there and then for board and get our things outof quarantine was out of the question; to attempt to play our next standwithout our 'props' and things was equally difficult. "

"Of course, but then, " said Fogg, "hotelkeepers never take these thingsinto consideration. "

"No, never. 'Mr. Breadland'--that was his name--'I have a proposition tomake, ' said I, 'and as you seem to be a practical man, you will, I havean idea, recognize its practicability. The situation is this: I owe youmoney. The amount I am unable to pay just now. You say you propose tohold on to the baggage belonging to the company as security for thedebt. '

"'You state the case precisely, ' said he. 

"'Now, then, ' I continued, 'the stuff you propose to seize you don'twant, and you only mean to hold the things as security for the paymentof the board bill--an honest debt. ' He nodded his head while hescrutinized me closely. 'Now, what would you say if I could point out away to you by which you could still have security for the indebtedness, I could have the baggage and things, and you get the money owing toyou?'

"'My friend, ' said he, 'I don't want to hold your stuff. It's no earthlyuse to me. I only want the coin that's due me. If you can show or pointout to me any feasible plan by which that end may be reached, I ratherthink you and I may come to terms. '

"'I guess I can. To be sure it may cause you personally some littleinconvenience for a few days, but the scheme will work out all right. '

"'Let me hear it, ' says he, looking me squarely in the face. 

"It is this: We are billed to play Monday night in Bungtown. The chancesare we will have a big house for the opening. We stay there threenights. Now, then, my proposition is that you send your clerk along withthe company; I will place him in the box office, where he will havecontrol of the receipts, and each night after the show is over he cantake for you a percentage of the share coming to me, and continue to doso at each performance until your bill is all paid. How does it strikeyou?' Well, sir, it set that countryman a-thinking and pulling hiswhiskers so vigorously that I feared his goatee would give way. I knewalmost to a dead certainty that I had won. The man, Fogg, who hesitatesgives way in the end, always. 

"Breadland reflected a minute, then spoke out: 'I'll do it, ' he said. ''Tis about the easiest and safest way of getting hunk. '

"'One thing more, Mr. Breadland, ' I added, when I felt satisfied thatluck was running my way. 

"'What is it?' he inquired. 

"'The hotel bill, as you are aware, is made out to cover all charges upto and including lunch to-day. After the train which leaves here atthree this afternoon there is none other until to-morrow forenoon, andas the company has done a deal of traveling and the people are prettywell tuckered out, a day's rest and a good night's sleep would not beamiss, and it would enable us to give a rattling good performanceto-morrow night. '

"'I agree with you, ' he replied. 

"I thought so, but perhaps I didn't make myself as clear as I might. Your good nature, however, emboldens me to respectfully suggest'--andthis I said in the most tender and convincing manner I couldemploy--'that for the sake of art and good fellowship, for this littleextra hospitality you make no addition to the hotel bill. Let it standas it is. '"

"What!" exclaimed Fogg, in open-mouthed wonder. "Did he show you thedoor?"

"Not a bit of it. I told you he was a plain, practical kind of cuss, with a tender spot in his heart. He looked at me with a calm, queer, butnot mischievous twinkle in his eye. I stood the gaze with the mostinnocent assumption of impudence, waiting for the verdict. It came in amoment, accompanied with a hearty laugh as he said: 'By jingo, youdeserve to get ahead! You won't fail for want of nerve. It's your longsuit. I'll have to go you, ' or words to that effect. 'Come, ' he said, rising from his chair, 'I'll blow you off, ' and he led the way to thebar. "

"You don't mean to say he stood treat into the bargain?" asked Fogg, insurprise. 

"Sure; like a prince, he did; and what's more, he made the remainderof the day as pleasant as if every member of the company was afirst-floorer, paying bridal-party rates. 

"That little episode made me very solid with my company. They knew theactual condition of the exchequer, for obvious reasons, and wondered howI was able to make things all right without the necessary wherewithal. That's management, my boy. They never considered for the life of them, that three-fourths or more of the business of the world is managed andconducted on credit and promises to pay. I was merely working out theprinciple in my own little bit of a way. So the day passed agreeably. The people knew that everything in the hotel was all right and that Ihad the railroad fares snugly stowed away in my inside pocket. "

CHAPTER XVII

 "The actors are at hand; and by their show you shall all know that you are like to know. " --MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. 

"We got into Bungtown early next day. I went at once to the theatre. There I was happy to learn that the advance sale was good and theprospects for the evening's performance A1. We opened to a full house, and the audience appeared to enjoy the entertainment. The followingevening did not pan out quite so well, in consequence of a torchlightprocession through the streets and a big Grand Army parade. The nightafter--our farewell performance. Great Scott! A rainstorm thinned theattendance to the proportions of a fashionable church in the metropolisduring summer, when the popular preacher is absent on vacation abroad, seeking after the health he never lost. How I felt can be betterimagined than described. I was up against it for fair. As I told you, Iwas unable to settle the hotel bill at the last town, and in addition wehad now the handicap of an extra hotel and railroad fare for Breadland'sclerk, who according to agreement was to travel with the show until thewhole account with Breadland was squared up. "

"The prospects were not encouraging. "

"No; but we managed, somehow or other, to get out of town; though wheneverything was fixed, including a few dollars to Breadland on account, it was a close shave. Fortunately, the railroad fares to our next standwere light and we had three days there. It was in that sylvan retreat bythe flowing river we nearly met our Waterloo. Speak of bad business. Itwas something weird. "

"Misfortune and you must have been running a race. "

"Yes, with the filly away in the lead. But we managed to play right on. Sunday morning found me once more _hors de combat_, with another hotelbill unpaid and an almost empty treasury to meet it. I nearly gave up indespair. Remembering, however, that despair never yet pulled a man outof a hole, in sheer desperation I resolved once more to fall back on theexpedient that carried us over the sea of troubles that beset us beforewe reached Bungtown. "

"Great Heavens! you don't mean to say you proposed to carry anotherhotel clerk on your staff?" queried Fogg. 

"I had to do something. Necessity is the prompter of ingenuity, and thesuggestion came from that source. There is no use in going further intodetail. I convinced the landlord and secured another secretary of thetreasury to look after the income, and we got out of town next morningas happy as clams at high water. Well, without mincing matters, I mustsay we had as rough a road to travel any band of poor strollingThespians ever struck. "

"Misfortune still in the lead?"

"I should say so. Listen. We ran into the Gulf Stream of a red-hotpolitical campaign, and I needn't tell you these torchlight processions, firework displays, and fife and drum corps knock the life out of theshow business. Where we made a few dollars in one place we dropped themin another. Had it not been for a small reserve fund I had carefullytreasured up for extra hazardous emergencies and my peculiar talent anddiplomacy in dealing with hotel men, I verily believe it would havetaken us all the winter to have reached a hospitable haven of relief, for the walking was wretched and Western railroad ties too far apart fordecent pedestrianism. "

"By Jove!" smiled Fogg, "you must have had an anxious time from the wordgo. "

"Oh, that goes without saying. I managed to pull through and reachedgood warm-hearted Chicago with nine hotel clerks on my staff, all actingas treasurers, assistant treasurers, auditors, ticket-sellers, bookkeepers and financial agents, each one wondering why the box officedepartment was receiving accessions to its ranks in the face of such badbusiness. "

"An' did they never tumble to the little joker?"

"Well, I candidly admit it required the exercise of considerable tact tokeep them in complete ignorance of the true situation. "

"Of that I have not the slightest doubt. "

Handy was silent a moment. 

"Fogg, did you ever worry over a promoter's prospectus of a proposedfinancial scheme prepared for the edification of the public with thelaudable intention of separating people from their money?"

"Some, " answered Fogg, slightly mystified at the change Handy had givento the conversation. 

"That being the case, you can call to mind how eloquently the promoterlabors to convince prospective investors how they can get in on theground floor and lay the foundation of a fortune to be made out of ahole in the ground?"

"I've heard of such things. "

"Do you know how it was done?"

"Search me. "

"Well, I, too, can do a little in that line myself. I did some of themost expert word painting to my assistant financial agents or theirrepresentatives and held them together and in good fellowship until Ireached my harbor. "

"If the question is not an indelicate one, " said Fogg hesitatingly, "might I inquire if you ever paid up?"

"Every dollar, " quickly responded Handy. "When we reached Chicago westruck smooth water and entered upon a prosperous sea for four weeks. Money fairly poured into our coffers. One by one I sent each hotel clerkback to his employer, with a check for the money I owed him in hispocket and a receipted bill in mine. I squared up with every one I wasindebted to. You know when we make money we make it fast. "

"And part with it as readily, " added his friend. 

"That has nothing to do with the case, my boy. Now, let me ask you ifyou think I told you this moving tale of ups and downs for the mere funof its recital, do you?"

"Well, partly fun, kill time, and partly to a--a--a----"

"Yes, go on. Partly to a--a--a----what? Why don't you finish thesentence?"

"To illustrate the principle of a novel way to pay old debts, eh?"

"Right you are, " replied Handy emphatically. "And let me add, so far asyou are personally concerned----" For the first time during thenarration he looked thoroughly in earnest. 

"I'm listening. "

"When you ever get in a bad box or are up against it, don't lay down andbrood over the hardship, but set to work with a will to get square withyour troubles as becomes a man. "

CHAPTER XVIII

 "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. "

 --NURSERY RHYMES. 

Three weeks after "The Lady of Lyons" episode Handy was once more inharness and equipped for the stage. He had captured what is technicallyknown as "an angel" and was fairly well provided for another briefcampaign. His friend Smith was engaged to accompany him and to officiateas general utility man in the broadest sense of the term. Fogg, who hadbeen instrumental in lassoing the "angel, " was engaged to be leading manof the new organization. An "angel" is one of those peculiar individualswho have stage aspirations, with money to burn; is ambitious to act, ortry to, then fret a brief season behind the footlights, in nine casesout of ten fails and is never heard of more. The "angel" is generally awoman with a "friend. " Her stock in trade to embark in an arduousprofession requiring talent, industry, patience, intelligence, perseverance, and self-reliance consists chiefly in a good wardrobe, cheek, self-assurance, vanity, and ready cash. 

It is a well-known fact that the capital stock of an "angel" melts, thaws, and resolves itself into disappointment after she has had a shortpractical experience on the boards. The exacting demands of thetheatrical calling dims the luster that lured the deluded one recklesslyto enter the seemingly attractive circle, to appear as the make-believeheroines of romance on the stage. A few weeks--perhaps not so long--atone of the theatrical factories to be found in nearly all of the largecities where _Juliets_ are prepared at short notice, _Camilles_manufactured for immediate use, and actors in every department of thecalling are turned out by some superfluous veteran of the stage at somuch per lesson, generally in advance, fits the aspirant for a debut ona starring tour. How many enterprises of this character have startedout, with thousands of dollars to back them, too, and returned to thecity with rudely dispelled hopes and empty purses, it is difficult toestimate. Every season brings forth a fresh crop. The industry has grownwith the times, and the appetite for theatric fame has not in the leastdiminished. The number of fallen "angels" scattered throughout thecountry would cut a respectable figure in a statistical report. 

It is only a few short years ago, in one of the leading theatres of thecountry, a playhouse which was subsequently trampled out of existence bythe march of trade, that five _Juliets_ to one _Romeo_ made an afternoonpitiful by the incongruity of the representation of one of the sweetestplays of the immortal bard. Every act introduced a fresh _Juliet_, as ifto demonstrate the unfitness of each aspirant to present adequately eventhe slightest phase of a character which requires the art of aconsummate artist to interpret properly. 

Much has been said and written about the unworthiness of travelingcompanies in the country towns. While much of this may be true, even inthe large cities as absurd exhibitions of acting may be witnessed asanywhere else. No one knew this better than Handy. To give him his due, he was usually careful in the selection of his companies. He never wenthalf-way to work about it. When he desired to organize a troupe heendeavored to gather about him the best from his point of view. 

"Indifferent and bumptious actors, " said Handy to a friend, "are alwayslooking for what they call big money. Their seasons, therefore, areshort. They learn nothing from experience. They know it all. Yet theywill hang on the ragged edge of starvation for weeks rather than comedown in what they are pleased to name as their figures. A really goodactor has little difficulty in securing an engagement at a reasonablesalary. I know them, and they can't fool your uncle. "

It must be admitted that Handy's experience in this line was somewhatextensive. To go into the detail of advance work and rehearsals isunnecessary. They may be left to the reader's imagination. They are, therefore, passed over in order to get more quickly to the opening nightand the birth and death of a star. 

"Camille" was the drama in which the "angel" decided to make her debut. The aspiring amateur, if a woman, generally makes choice of "La Dame auxCamellias. " Why she does so, if not to bring to her aid a display ofrich and elaborate costumes, it is difficult to say. In making suchselection she unconsciously contrasts the possession of rich silk andsatin frocks, together with valuable jewels, with the poverty of herhistrionic resources. 

The little town of Weston was the place selected as the scene ofoperations. The advance man, or press agent, had played his part well. "Camille" met the eye on every fence and blank wall in the place. Dodgers literally floated in the air and the town was so adorned withsnipes that the uninitiated might reasonably conclude that paper costsnothing and printers worked for fun. To Handy's indefatigable exertionsthis was in a great measure due. Three nights he devoted to the work, and actually painted Weston red with "Camille. "

"If you want to have a thing done well, " he exclaimed, "you must do ityourself or see personally that it is done. There is no use in havingprinting unless you get it up where the public can see it. Billpostersare peculiar people. They are in certain respects economical, and theyhave their own peculiar ideas of saving. That perhaps is the reason whyyou see so few posters stuck up for public edification and so many ofthem stowed away somewhere on out-of-the-way shelves in bill-posters'studios. They are queer fellows, these bill-posters. I've never beenable to understand them. I've been, in various capacities, with manytheatrical companies that were amply supplied with all kinds of printingto start out with, but when I went about town where we played lookingfor it I had to search pretty closely to find where it was pasted up. Itherefore, in this case, determined to pay personal attention to thatpart of the business myself. " This information or explanation wasimparted to _Camille_ through Fogg, by the way of a preliminaryendorsement of Handy's remarkable energy. 

Fogg was enthusiastic in praise of the manager's clever publicitydisplay. 

"I never saw a town so well billed in my life, " said he, "and as youknow, Mr. Handy, I have had some experience in such matters. Don't youagree with me, Miss De la Rue?" The last inquiry was addressed to the"angel" star, who was standing by his side, apparently as nervous andfidgety as if she was about to undergo an examination in a law court. 

"Yes, indeed; I think the place is awfully well done, " she replied, rather timidly, "but I didn't notice as many of my lithos around as Iexpected. "

"What!" replied the manager in surprise. "Why, there ain't a saloon orcigar shop that ain't got them up. I know, for I've been in all of 'em. "

Handy spoke the truth. It is a fact that cigar shops and liquor storesare the principal galleries in which the pictorial printing oftheatrical celebrities and theatrical combinations are placed onexhibition. There is more money thrown away uselessly in such places, inthe way of expensive printing and lithographs, than managers seem torealize. Even some of the shrewdest men in the business are notaltogether free from the weakness of adorning these establishments withhigh-priced pictorial work. The practice at one time had at least themerit of novelty, but since it has become a regular thing it has lostmuch of its efficacy and ceased to be remunerative. But what is the useof objecting? Stars would be nothing more than mere rushlights if thehighly colored lithos did not proclaim their prominence in thetheatrical firmament to those who are ever ready to pledge women in songor story in the flowing bowl. Of course, in the interest of art. 

"Do you think, Mr. Handy, that we shall have a good house?" inquired the"angel, " as she stood on the stage before the performance, in a highlynervous, hesitating manner. "I should dislike to appear before a smallaudience; it is so discouraging, you know, to an artist. "

"A good house?" echoed the optimistic manager. "We'll turn 'em away, andyou can bank on it, " he replied, with an air of confidence thatreassured the bird of paradise and brought a smile to her face. 

"I'm so glad to hear you say so! But I'm ashamed to admit it. But toyou, of course, as my manager, I may confide and confess I feel awfullynervous. "

"Happy to hear you tell me so, miss. Remember one thing, that all themas amounts to anything are taken that way on a first night. Forinstance, take Sarah Bernhardt. Well, she's a holy terror on a firstnight. There's Francis Wilson--well, it isn't safe to be near him whenhe comes off the stage of a first night. Then there's Joe Murphy, thegreat Irish comedian; when he plays a part, it is said, he becomes sonervous that he goes about giving every member of his company aten-dollar bill. Sir Henry Irving was another of those so affected thathe wanted to make a speech to the audience after every act, and only forthe restraining influence of Bram Stoker, he would. Charley Wyndham, nowSir Charles, makes himself believe he is an incarnation of DavidGarrick. Nat Goodwin is that nervous of a first night that he wants toplay 'Macbeth' with Maude Adams as _Lady Macbeth_ the next time heproduces a new piece. All the result of nervousness, I assure you. I amaffected that way myself on every first performance I appear in. It is, strange to say, the greatest evidence we have of the possession of thatgift of what is regarded as genius. That's what's the matter!"

"You really think so? Oh, it is so consoling to hear you say so! I feeleasier in my mind after you telling me and placing me on the samefooting with the great ones of our profession. I'll go and dress now. "

The "angel" star hurried off to her dressing-room. Smith, from among themanifold duties he was called upon to perform, had just returned fromthe front of the house, where he had been looking after things, as hehimself put it. He approached Handy and in an enthusiastic mannerinformed him he thought the capacity of the house would be tested. 

"Oh, that won't surprise me, " replied Handy. "Give me 'Camille' everytime for a country audience, providing the billing is all right. 'Camille' is old enough to be young. "

"Do you think we're going to give a good show?"

"As to that, I'll speak to you later on. That's another proposition. Now, then, get a move on you. Hurry up and dress, and above all things, see that your props are all right. "

Smith was property man as well as prompter--two important offices whichin any well-regulated theatrical company would require the services oftwo men. In addition to these, he undertook to double a couple of theminor parts. He was an old hand at the work, and doubling and treblingdid not in the slightest disturb him. He was not always as careful as heshould be in the matter of detail, and in several instances his attemptsat faking did not pan out as he originally planned them. 

CHAPTER XIX

 "Experience is a great book, the events of life its chapters. " --SAINTE-BEUVE. 

By eight o'clock the house was well filled. The signboard bearing thelegend, "Standing Room Only" was put out in front to catch a few more. It was such an audience as would make any manager's heart rejoice. Thecurtain rose promptly on the first act. To say the act went off tamelywould be simply admitting the truth. Camille was not only uncertain inher lines, but she was suffering from a bad attack of stage fright. Wereit not for extraordinary exertions on the part of the principal membersof the company--a confidence acquired of long experience--the star ofthe evening would have twinkled out of existence and "Camille" wouldhave been presented in one act instead of five. The unfortunate "angel"realized for the first time in her life, possibly, that the calling shehad selected to adopt was not all her fancy had painted it. Theso-called coaching and training she had paid for proved of little or nopractical value. She was _Camille_ only in costume--if in that; the_Camille_ of the dressmaker--nothing more. The audience, moreover, werenot slow in recognizing this fact also. That day has gone by, apparently, when tyros may sally forth from the city and win countryaudiences with fine dresses, pretty faces, cheek, and inexperience. Thetheatre-going public knows the trick. The days of such barn-storming arepassing away. 

Mr. Fogg, who was the _Armand_, did not make a profound impression. Thepart suited him like an ill-fitted garment, and he felt it. Therealization of that fact took all the vim out of him. If the real truthwas known, he, no doubt, wished himself back in his little second-storyback in the big city, gossiping of what he might, but could not, do ifhe had the chance. Handy was cast for the part of the _Count deVarville_. He was not great in the character, but he could wrestle withit. Was there a role in the whole range of the English drama he woulddecline to take a fall out of if circumstances demanded?

"Say, you'll have to throw more ginger into the part, old fellow, " saidHandy, as the hero of the carmine blouse of benefit memory walked acrossthe stage, looking very disconsolate after the first act. Neither he northe star received the slightest applause during their scenes. 

"Wait until the fourth act, the great act of the piece, " replied Fogg, "and I'll fetch 'em. You just watch me. "

"All ready for the second act, " cried out the call-boy. A few secondslater the curtain went up and the play proceeded. Nothing of particularmoment transpired during the act. The audience sat through it as tamelyas if listening to a funeral sermon. _Camille_ was painfully tame;_Armand_ as harmless a lover as any respectable parent could desire. Theremainder of the cast, influenced, no doubt, by the shortcomings of theprincipals, became listless and merely walked through their parts asthey spoke their lines. 

At the close of the act a number of people left the house. Theyevidently had had enough and did not care for more. The "angel" also hadhad enough of "Camille, " and wished the whole thing was over. Fogg alsohad had enough of _Armand_, and mentally avowed that never again wouldhe undertake a stage lover to an "angel" without experience. In passing, it may be added that an experienced "angel" would not accept Fogg for a_Claude_ at any price. Handy had enough of both of them, with somethingto spare. In desperation he even expressed regret he did not have a hackat _Armand_ himself and infuse some life into it. If he had there wouldhave been fun, for Handy's lovers were fearfully and wonderfully made. 

The third act passed pretty much as the two preceding acts, only moreso, with fewer people in the house to see it. A number of noticeableyawns evidenced the frame of mind of those who remained. 

The curtain went up on the fourth act--that in which Fogg was going todo something. He had in the meantime been bracing up. When he made hisentry and spoke, his manner of speech was somewhat thick, but his actingwas more energetic. Fogg never could take anything stimulating withoutits going to his head, and as his brain exercised a peculiar influenceover other members of his body, they all contributed their aid toillustrating his actual condition. He at length appeared to wake up tothe actualities of the situation. So had _Camille_, so had the _Count deVarville_, and so had the audience--particularly the audience. Foggstrenuously warmed up. The first genuine manifestation on the part ofthe audience occurred when _Armand_, rising from the card-table andmaking a stage crossing, caught his foot in a hole in the carpet, caromed against the card-table, upset it, and measured his length on theboards. The audience burst into laughter. Audiences really enjoy suchcontretemps, cruel as such accidents or mishaps may be to the lucklessplayer. Fogg arose and, wisely affecting not to notice the storm infront of the footlights, continued the scene. At length the moment wasreached for him to shower gold on _Camille_, and by such insult endeavorto provoke a quarrel with _de Varville_. Hastily and clumsily drawingforth the property purse or bag of coin which Smith had prepared, heburst the fastening and showered the contents on the unfortunate_Camille_. Lo and behold! the property coin proved to be medium-sizedbrass buttons with long shanks. A far-sighted humorist among theaudience caught sight of them and, with utter disregard of the dramaticsituation and ignoring the consequences of his interference, unloosedhis tongue and in a peculiar treble voice called out:

"Button, button; who has the button?"

The audience caught the ill-timed humor of the situation, _Camille_nearly collapsed, and the people on the stage with considerabledifficulty restrained themselves from taking part in the prevailinghilarity. It was some time before the slightest semblance of order couldbe restored in front. Eventually, when something like quiet wasrestored, the act was played to a finish, in a somewhat fitful andhighly nervous manner. 

Behind the curtain there was a very lively condition of things. _Armand_was furious; _Camille_ was engaged in giving a practical demonstrationof hysterical stunts. She declared she would not go on any more. She wasgoing to quit right there and then. It required all of Handy'spersuasive eloquence to prevail on her to finish the performance. _Camille_ seemed to be firm in her resolve. 

"'Tis only the dying scene, " urged Handy. "It's dead easy, and the meritof it is that it is the best act of all for you. Only for thoseunfortunate buttons everything would have gone off all serene. We weregetting into the spirit of the thing when the mishap broke everythingall up. I'll kill that blithering property man when I lay hands on him. "

Fogg had already started on the warpath after Smith, but Smith, havingan intuitive knowledge that a meeting between himself and his leadingman would result in strained relations, and not doubting for an instantthat discretion is the better part of valor, beat a hasty retreat fromthe theatre, costumed and made up as he was, not even remaining longenough to wash the make-up from his face. 

It was debatable for several minutes whether the "angel" would finish_Camille_ or some obliging member of the company would undertake thejob. None of the ladies appeared ambitious to shuffle off the mortalcoil of the _Lady of the Camellias_. Finally, after a successful siegeof coaxing, pleading, imploring, and entreating on the part of Handy, the "angel" consented. The curtain went up. _Camille_, under thecircumstances, did the best she could in speaking the lines. Anoccasional titter from the audience conveyed only too plainly theinformation that the button incident was not yet forgotten. Notwithstanding, poor _Camille_ struggled bravely on. It was uphillwork, but she persevered. At length the fateful moment arrived for_Armand_ to make his entrance. No sooner did he set his foot on thestage in view of the audience then again the voice of the serio-comichumorist in front, in the same weird tone, was, it must have beendrowned in the laughter of the assemblage. 

"Ring down the curtain, " piteously pleaded _Camille_ in an undertonefrom her deathbed. 

Handy stood in the wings, ready for any emergency likely to turn up, andin a very audible prompt whisper replied: "Go on, go on with the scene. Die as fast as you can. Don't give them any fancy dying frills, butcroak at once and have done with it. "

Whether the people in front overheard the manager's imperative promptingor that the echo of "button" was still ringing in their ears, the deathscene of _Camille_ was presented as it had never been before--with pealsof laughter. _Camille_ made a final effort, and then fell back on thebed. There was something in the realistic manner of the act that caughtthe quick perception of the audience. The people on the stage also wereattracted by it, and they gathered about the fallen star. The curtainwas rung down on the double-quick. The poor girl remained motionless inthe position she had fallen. The effort had proven too much, the straintoo great--she had been completely overcome, had broken down andcollapsed. 

Handy and Fogg later in the night were seated together in a little backroom of the hotel. Fogg was crestfallen--Handy thoughtful. Only a slightexchange of conversation passed between them. At length the silence wasbroken. 

"Fogg, " asked Handy, "do you believe in a hereafter?"

"What a singular question. "

"Never mind about its singularity. Do you?"

"Certainly I do. "

"In heaven, and all that kind of thing?"

"Yes. "

"Then take a friend's advice. Never again undertake the support of an'angel' until you reach heaven. They have no buttons there. "

The humor was wasted on Fogg. He was too humiliated to relish any kindof a joke. After lingering a short time, he retired. The veteranremained thoughtful, taking some consolation from his briarwood and asteaming hot Scotch. For some minutes he continued in what for somereason or other is known as a brown study. How long he might havecontinued in that condition it is not necessary to speculate on. A tapat the window aroused him from his revery. He glanced in the directionfrom whence the sound came. There he beheld the well-known face of hisfirst lieutenant, Smith. He motioned Handy to come to him. Handy was toocomfortable where he was. He bade Smith come right in. Smith shook hishead and pantomimed Handy to survey his get-up. The latter recognizedthe situation, swallowed the contents of his glass, and stepped outside. The meeting was not at first particularly cordial, but when Handycomprehended the predicament in which his friend had placed himself helaughed. 

"You're a beaut, you are. It's a mighty lucky thing Fogg didn't catchyou, let me tell you. If he had, it's dollars to doughnuts there wouldbe a funeral in the Smith family in the near future; and what's more, you wouldn't have a word as to choice of vehicle in which you went tothe cemetery. But say, why on earth are you masquerading about thestreets in that get-up?"

"Oh, cut all that!" replied Smith, "and tell me how I'm going to get mystreet togs. They are in the dressing-room at the theatre, and I can'tgo gallivanting through the streets in this rig. Do you want to have mepinched and locked up, eh?"

"Didn't you come from there in 'em?"

"Sure I came in 'em. I had to. I would have come out without anything, Iwas so scared of that lunatic Fogg. But, say, you got through with theshow all right. "

"Oh, yes. Oh, yes! We got through with the show all--wrong, but----"

"But what?"

"The season is closed. "

"Closed!" repeated Smith anxiously. "You don't mean it?"

"Yes, but I do mean it. The game is up. No more 'Camille. ' The 'angel'has fallen. She has had all the starring she wants, and startsheavenwards to-morrow on the Pennsylvania limited for the Lord knowswhere. "

"An' Fogg--whither goest he?"

"He accompanies her as a kind of guardian angel. "

"An'--an'--a--the--salaries, what about them?"

"They remain. "

"With whom?" asked Smith. 

"They are all right. The 'angel' does the decent thing, and puts up forthe entire week. "

"An' then----"

"Oh, you want to know too much! Maybe I will try and fill in the datesmyself. I don't exactly know yet, but for mercy sake, come in with meand run up to my room, wash the grease paint and make-up off your mug, and I will let you have my ulster to cover you while you go back to thetheatre and get your clothes. "

On his return, Smith rejoined his manager and they spent the nighttogether. Next morning Handy was up early, and after a conference withMiss De la Rue and Mr. Fogg he called on the landlord and settled thehotel bill. He then accompanied the "angel" and Fogg to the station andsaw them both safely on the train. The lady resolved to abandon allhistrionic ambition, and never after sought the fickle fame of thefootlights, and Fogg ever since shows an affected contempt for anyonewho sees anything to laugh at over the button episode of hisextraordinary one-night season with the "angel" _Camille_. 

CHAPTER XX

 I am not an imposter that proclaim Myself against the level of my aim. 

 --ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL. 

After Handy returned to the hotel, having parted with his "angel" andhis star at the station, the first man he met was his landlord, asomewhat smart and shrewd, speculative individual, who was not adverseat odd times to trying to turn an honest penny by occasional incursionsinto the alluring and fascinating domain of speculation. He had aweakness for the theatre, the race-track, the stock market, the trottingcircuit, etc. He was willing, when the opportunity presented itself, toput a trifle into any of these hazards by way of a flyer, as he termedit, provided he thought he saw a chance to make a little something onthe side. He had already made a small stake on stocks, secured a fairreturn from an investment in oil, and came out about even on therace-track. Up to this time, however, he had never indulged in theluxury of a theatrical venture, notwithstanding the hankering he had attimes to dabble in that direction. As soon as he saw Handy he called himaside and began a little preliminary skirmishing, and in a roundaboutway started in to lay bare the strenuous thoughts that were agitatinghis mind. He opened up the subject by inquiring when the companyproposed to go back. 

"On the 2. 30 train, " answered Handy, not knowing or caring whether therewas a train at that particular hour or not. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was just thinking"--and the landlord spoke with measuredcare--"I was just thinking, as I said, that perhaps you and I might beable to arrange some kind of a deal to give a show at Gotown, make astake, and whack up on the profits. What do you say?"

"Gotown! Gotown!" replied Handy. "Never heard of it. No, I guess not. You see, times are pretty brisk now; good people are in demand, and ifwe remain away from the city for any length of time some of the companymight lose the opportunity of a steady engagement for the season. No, Ican't take the risk. "

Handy was anxious, nevertheless, to make the venture, and he feltsatisfied the company would stick by him. 

"There's money in it for the two of us, " urged mine host of the inn. "The outlay will not be much, and the profits will be all ours to splitup. It will be the first show that was ever given in the place!"

"What!" exclaimed the veteran, in surprise. 

"It will be the first show ever given in the town. "

"You take my breath away. Say, you don't mean to tell me there is onetown in the United States that has escaped the showman?"

"Yes. Gotown has, an' I'll gamble on it, " said the landlord. 

"Stay! There must be some kind of a rink there?"

"No. "

"No rink. "

"No. "

"A museum, then--moving-pictures snap?"

"No. "

"Has there been a circus there recently?"

"Never had a circus within miles of it. "

Handy seemed puzzled. He looked at the landlord, and his face bore aquizzical expression as he said: "Say, mister, what in thunder kind of aplace is this Gotown, anyway--a cemetery?"

The landlord laughed, Handy wondered, and neither spoke for some time. It perplexed the veteran to reconcile with his mind the fact that therehappened to be hid away, a town in the United States that had not yetbeen tapped by the industrious and ubiquitous showman. Reflection, however, might have convinced him that it was not such an extraordinarycircumstance, after all. In this glorious and growing country cities andtowns spring up in an unprecedentedly brief period through the magicinfluence of intelligence and industry. The discovery of some productthat for ages has laid sealed up in the secret laboratories of nature ina little time has transformed the seeming sterility of a wilderness intothe productiveness of a cultivated garden. The labor of brains andhands, preceding the employment of energy and capital, breaks thesilence of time and makes way for the music of practical development. Active brain and toiling hands had won from mother earth rich stores andtransformed the apparent barrenness of the ground convenient to whereGotown sprang up into the nucleus of a flourishing city. Someone hadstruck oil. 

"Is it a cemetery? you ask, " said the landlord, after he had enjoyedHandy's amusing inquiry. "A cemetery, eh? Well, all I can say is thatyou'll find in Gotown the liveliest lot of ghosts you ever tackled inyour life, if you visit the place. Gotown, a cemetery! Well, I'll bedarned if that ain't the best I've heard in a blue moon!" and again hestarted in laughing. "Why, bless your soul, man, no one has had time todie there yet. Not on your life! Gotown will be Petroleum City before itgets out of its knickerbockers, or I'm a Dutchman. "

Handy opened his eyes in surprise. The actual situation flashed suddenlyon him. 

"Struck oil there, eh?"

"Rich. "

"Many wells?"

"Let me see! There's the Anna Held, the Billy Brady, the Bob Hilliard, the Peerless One, the Teddy on the Spot, the----"

"Oh, never mind the names. Skip them. Oil wells by any old names smelljust the same. How many of them?"

"Ten, fifteen--maybe double that. Can't exactly tell. They are boringall the time and striking it rich. "

"'Nuff sed. And you tell me they never had a show there?"

"Why, darn it, man! the town was only christened about a year ago. "

"Then we'll confirm it and open its gates to the histrionic industry ofthe country. I'll have a talk with the company. But we will have toarrange about some printing. "

The gleam that illumined the landlord's face at the mention of printingwas a study. Handy was somewhat mystified, and he was still moresurprised when the landlord, with a knowing look--a look all landlordsseems to hold a patent on--bent over and said: "Leave that to me, andyou'll be satisfied. We'll get the winter's supplies out of this snap. Come, let's have something. " With this hospitable suggestion, both menmade a flank movement in the direction of the café. 

"Now, then, " began Handy, "did I understand you to say you could fix theprinting?"

"You did. "

"How?"

"Well, I will put you wise in that direction. Will you smoke? All right. Now, then, light up an' we'll take a comfortable seat by the stove. "

"Lead on, Macbeth, and--well, you know the rest of it. "

Drawing up a couple of well-seasoned chairs, they both settled down fora practical business talk. 

"I have, " said the landlord, "in the storeroom a stack of printing. Icame by it in this way. There was a show out here about a year ago. Thecompany got stranded; could go no further, and, to make a long storyshort, when the troupe started to walk home the printing remainedbehind. Exhibit No. 1. "

"I'm on. Proceed. "

"Let me further elucidate. I had a partner who at one time was in thebill-posting profession--it is a profession now, isn't it?" Handysmiled. "Well, he had a bit of money--not a great deal, and he investedin the line of publicity. Well, he was called away suddenly. He didn'texactly die--but that's of no consequence, and his assets dropped intomy hands for safe-keeping. Among the valuables was a lot ofmiscellaneous printing of all kinds, plain and colored--and of all sortsand sizes--a dandy assortment. Exhibit No. 2. "

"Fire away!"

"Furthermore, old Phineas Pressman, the town printer here, owes me abill. It isn't much, but little as it is I can't squeeze a red cent ofready money out of him, and I see no earthly way of getting square withhim only by giving him an order for whatever new printing stuff we mayrequire, and in that way change the balance of trade in my direction. Exhibit No. 3. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly. "

"But you don't seem to enthuse over the prospects. "

"No, " answered Handy calmly. "No, I'm no enthuser. I was just turningover in my mind your proposition. As I have not seen your paper, how itwould suit, I can't imagine what it looks like. "

"What in thunder has that got to do with the case? Paper is paper, printing is printing, and pictures are pictures, ain't they?"

"Quite correct, my friend. But you must bear in mind that they might notfit any show that the company could do itself credit in. "

"Stuff and nonsense! You make me slightly weary, " replied the landlord. "Suppose it don't--what then? If the printing don't suit the play or theentertainment, what's the matter with the entertainment being made tofit in and suit the printing? Don't they all do it? What do you thinkprinters and lithographers butt in and become theatrical managers for?For the sake and love of art, eh? Rot! You know as well as I do thatthis pictorial work you see stuck up all around hardly ever representsthe thing they give on the stage and to see which the theatre-goingpublic puts up its good coin to enjoy. Why, bless my soul, Mr. Handy, there's hardly a show on the road to-day that don't lay its managersliable to arraignment for obtaining money under false pretenses by thebrilliancy of the printing and the stupidity and poverty of theperformance. "

"You talk like a reformer!"

"Reformers be hanged! I was about to tell you that some time ago therewas a movement on foot in one or two of the Western States to secure thepassage of a legal measure compelling showmen to actually present on thestage what their pictorial work on the dead walls and billboardspromised. If the shows now going the rounds were half as good as theirprinting, they'd be works of art. "

"Say, boss!" remarked Handy admiringly, "you have the real Simon puretheatrical managerial instinct in you, you have. You haven't always beenin the hotel business?"

"Nix, I had at one time the candy privilege with a circus, and I had tokeep my eyes open, I tell you. "

"Shake, old man, " as Handy extended his hand. "When you began talkingprinting I knew you were on to the racket and understood something aboutthe theatrical biz. Why, you're one of us. You belong to the profesh. "

"Oh, give us a rest with your nonsense! What are you chinning about? Iam just a plain, common, every-day innkeeper. "

"Suppose you are. Let it go at that, and let me tell you times areadvancing. We live in a great age--a progressive and changeable age. There was a time when theatres and theatrical companies were managed ordirected by men who were actors, or had been actors, or by men who had alove for the business, and had some particular talent or fitness for thetrade; but nowadays all that is changed, and all sorts of chaps havebutted in for the sake of what's in it for them. It is not, let me tellyou, an unusual thing to find the druggist of yesterday, or thecommercial drummer, or newspaper man of the week previous, become theimpresario of an opera troupe or the manager of a playhouse thefollowing week. This is a most changeable as well as progressive andstrenuous age. "

"You speak like a philosopher, Mr. Handy. "

"Do they tell the truth?"

"They are credited with doing so. "

"Then you can safely bet on my talk. "

"Now, then--what about Gotown?"

"I'm with you. We'll tackle Gotown on miscellaneous paper. There's myhand on it. "

That afternoon Handy and the landlord started for the scene ofoperations, to look the place over. Before going, Handy had an interviewwith the members of the company, unfolded his plans to them, and drew aflattering picture of the prospects of success. A few of them hesitatedand decided to go home, but enough remained to enable the veteran tocarry out his scheme. To Smith was entrusted the duty of ascertainingthe strong points of the individual members of the troupe and finding inwhat particular line their talents would show to the best advantage. 

"Try them in song and dance, " were Handy's instructions to hislieutenant, "and all that kind of thing. We will have to fake this showin red-hot style. We are not going to play to any Metropolitan OperaHouse, Dan Frohman, or Dave Belasco audience. Don't forget, old man, weare going into a mining district where we will have the first go at it. Quantity not quality must be our motto. Remember, above all things, Smith, that the corned beef and cabbage of the menu will be moreacceptable for a starter than the roast beef and plum pudding ofdramatic art. Take your cue from the great far West. The young towns outthere have all gone through a similar experience, until now they havebecome so fastidious that nothing less than grand opera, with a bunch offoreign stars, or a presentation of imported plays and play actors cansatisfy their cultivated tastes. Let your show dish be well hashed anddon't, above all things, neglect the histrionic pepper and mustard. Themore highly seasoned it is the more kindly our patrons will take to thetheatrical feast we will be compelled to give them. "

"Leave that to me. "

CHAPTER XXI

 "I'll view the manners of the town, Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings. "

 --COMEDY OF ERRORS. 

Handy and the landlord spent the late afternoon and a good portion ofthe night in Gotown. It was a strange, straggling-looking arrangement ofrecently put together frame houses, cranes, derricks, and piles oflumber. So newly built were the habitations that many of them weredevoid of paint. It was to all intents and purposes an active, stirring, busy little place--a hive of industry. Handy and his friend made acasual survey of the locality, paid visits to a number of saloons, --thetown in that respect being well equipped, --and made severalacquaintances. From what they had seen and heard they came to theconclusion they could "pull off" a fairly good-sized stake as the resultof their venture. 

Without going into detail to any great extent, the two men made thefollowing agreement: Handy engaged to put up his experience and theservices of the company against the landlord's capital. That is, minehost of the inn was to defray all the expenses of the undertaking, including cost of transportation, board, and lodging for the companythat was to supply the entertainment. Of whatever came in the landlordwas to take half and Handy the other half. From his share of theproceeds Handy was to make good to the company. 

"It seems to me, " remarked Handy, "we stand a purty fair chance to dosomething here. But, say, we haven't yet seen the hall or theatre orranch we're goin' to show in. "

"That's so, " replied his companion. "Let's just cut across lots here andgo and see Ed McGowan. This way, " and they made a bee-line through afield. 

"Ed McGowan, " repeated Handy. "Who is he?"

"Big Ed? Why, he bosses the job of the crack gin-mill of the outfit, andruns things. "

"A good man, " says Handy, "to be on the right side of, if he's allright. "

"Is it Ed? You bet! Why, Ed is the Pierpont Morgan of the whole lay-out. He's nobody now, apparently, but wait 'till he gets his fine work in an'he'll own the whole shooting-match. Mark what I'm a-tellin' you. "

"Is the hall convenient to his laboratory?" quizzically inquired Handy. 

"Darned if I know. When I was up here a couple of weeks or so ago Edtold me he was goin' to put up a hall or something where the boys, as hecalled them, could have a dance or a slugging match, or a show, --any oldthing, in fact, that came along in the way of diversion and amusement. "

"Say, boss, " said Handy, somewhat puzzled, "are you serious or are youstringin' me?"

"I don't understand. "

"We start even, then, for blow me if I understand you. "

"Please explain yourself. "

"I'll do my plainest!"

"Skip the prelims and get down to facts. I ask you to point out the hallwe're to give the show in, and you treat me to a ghost story about somefellow named Ed McGowan who thinks about putting up one where the boyscan have a dance, see a show, take part in a slugging match or indulgein any other eccentricities too superfluous to enumerate. I confess Ihave been on many wild-goose chases in my somewhat long and variedcareer, but this takes the gingerbread. Now let me ask you frankly, isthere a hall at all, at all, in the place?"

"I don't know. "

"Great Cæsar's ghost! What? Don't know? Say, is there an Ed McGowan, then? Boss, I'm growin' desperate, " and the veteran looked as if he was. 

"Sure there is, " replied the landlord, with a laugh. 

"Then for the Lord's sake lead me out of this wilderness of doubt intohis presence. "

Not another word was spoken until they crossed the threshold of EdMcGowan's barroom. It differed little from other places of its class, save that it had a bigger stove, a greater number of chairs, a moreextensive counter for business purposes, and a more extensive display ofglassware reflected in the mammoth mirror. 

"Hello, hello, Weston, old fellow! Glad to see you!" was the salutationthat rang out in a cheery voice after the newcomers had made theirentry. "What in thunder brings you up to these diggin's?"

McGowan had a playful little way of addressing his friends by the nameof the places from which they hailed. He was a good specimen of man, andcould tip the scales at two hundred. Above middle height, he was a big, broad-shouldered, deep-chested, bow-windowed, good-natured kind ofchap--one who would travel a long distance to do a good turn for afriend and travel equally far to get square with a foe. At the time ofthe entrance of the theatrical projectors, big Ed was vigorouslyemployed in getting something like a shine or polish on the top of hisbar. 

"Just a minute an' I'll be with you, " said the big fellow, after thefirst greetings were exchanged. "Let me get things a bit shipshape an'I'll join you, " and with that he gave another strenuous sweep of hismuscular arm along the woodwork. "I want to have things looking trimbefore the night services begin. What's your weakness now, Wes?" headded. "A little hot stuff, eh? I thought so. I knew how thatproposition would strike you. I've got something on hand that'll warmthe cockles of your heart. Got it in a week ago. It's the real thing--itis. And your friend--the same? Good. Patsy, make three nice hot Irishes. No, not that bottle--you know the one I mean. J. J. Yes! That's it. "

By this time McGowan had completed his arduous labor and joined hiscomrades in front of the bar. 

"Well, old man, " he said, slapping Weston in a friendly manner on theshoulder, "how is the world treating you, anyhow? Ain't you lost a bitup here in these diggin's?"

"Oh, I have no kick coming, " was the reply. "Mr. McGowan, I want you toshake hands with my friend, Mr. Handy, of New York. "

"Glad to know Mr. Handy. You hail from the big city, eh? I'm a NewYorker myself--left there some time ago. A good many years have rolledon since then. I suppose I'd hardly know the place now. Set them overyonder, Patsy, near the stove. Come, boys, sit down. Just as cheap tosit as stand, and more comfortable. Well, here's my pious regards, and, as my old friend, Major Cullinan used to say, 'May the Lord take aliking to us, but not too soon. ' New York, eh?" and McGowan's memoryseemed, at the sound of the name, to wander back to old familiar scenesof days gone by. 

"Yes, " said Handy; "hail from there, but I travel about a good deal. "

"A traveling man--a drummer, eh?"

"Well, I do play a bit on the drum at times, " said Handy, with a smile, "but I'm only a poor devil of an actor, if I'm anything. "

"An actor, and a New Yorker. Shake again. Put it there, " as he extendedhis hand. Then looking at Handy closely for a moment, he turned toWeston and said: "Say, Wes, I know this man, though he don't seem toknow me. "

"Indeed, Mr. McGowan, you have the best of me. "

"Sure, " responded McGowan. "Well, here's to our noble selves, " and thetrio drained their cups. "An' now, Mr. Handy, to prove my words that Iknow you. You used to spout in the old Bowery Theatre? Ah, I thought so. Knew Bill Whalley? Of course you did. Poor Bill--he's dead. A goodactor, but a better fellow. He was his own worst friend. And there wasEddy. Eddy. Eddy. He was a corker. Yes, he cashed in many years ago. Then there was Mrs. W. G. Jones. God bless her! Dead. God rest her soul. She was the salt of the earth. And what has become of J. B. Studley?Wasn't he a dandy, though, in Indian war plays? You bet! Jim McCloskey, I think, used to fix them up for him. And will you ever forget G. L. --Fox, I mean. There never was his equal in funny characters, and as apantomimist no one ever took his place. They tell me the old spout shopis now turned into a Yiddish theatre. Well! well! well! How times arechanged! I suppose the fellows I knew in days gone by are changedtoo--those of them that remain, I mean. The ones that are dead I knoware. "

"Yes, " replied Handy, "you'd find New York a much changed city sincethen. It was, I believe, Dutch originally; then for a time the Irish hada hack at it; but all the nations of the earth having sent in theircontributions of all sorts and sizes and tongues, it's purty hard now tomake out what it is. "

"Wonders will never stop ceasing, will they? Well, Wes"--and Big Edturned and directed his attention to the landlord--"what did you come uphere for? You came up after something. What's the little game? Want tobuy land?"

"No. I'll tell you. Our friend here, Mr. Handy, at my suggestion, madethis visit with me to see you on a little speculation of our own. Mr. Handy a week--not quite a week ago--came out to my town with atheatrical troupe to show for a week. The company played one night, whenthe staress grew tired and quit after the first heat and went home tomother. This brought the season to a premature close. "

"Nothing particularly new in that, " answered McGowan; "but continue. "

"Well, under the circumstances we--Mr. Handy and myself--got our headstogether and came to the conclusion to run up here and have a talk withyou and see if we couldn't make some arrangements to bring the companyup and give a show. "

"I see. That's the racket, eh? Where did you propose to give it?"

"In that new hall of yours, of course. "

"My new hall, eh?" replied McGowan, in surprise, and laughing. "Why, Wes, the gol-darned thing ain't built yet, but the men are at work onit. If it was ready I'd like nothin' better than inauguratin' the placewith a show, for between ourselves I'm a bit stuck on theatre-actingmyself. I'm sorry. The carpenters started in over a week ago and this isTuesday. "

"And is there no other place?"

"Let me see. No, I don't think so. Kaufman's barn was burned down lastweek, so you couldn't storm that now. Siegel's wouldn't be just theplace, and, besides, they have other cattle there now, so that's out ofthe question. You might get a loan of the church--no, the church is nota church. We only call it so for respectability's sake. It is used foralmost any old thing on week days, and on Sunday a dominie from anadjoining parish tackles sermons once in a while. But then, I hardlythink it would suit. But hold on a minute--when did you expect to comehere?"

"Well, we thought of getting here Saturday night. "

"Saturday night!" exclaimed McGowan, in surprise. "Why didn't you say soat first?"

"What's the matter now?"

"Saturday night! Why, I thought you meant to descend on us to-morrownight. 'Nuff sed. Say no more. The academy will be ready for you. "

"The what?"

"The Gotown Metropolitan Academy of Music will be ready for inaugurationby a company of distinguished actors--all stars, more or less--from theprincipal theatres of the metropolis--next Saturday night, " replied BigEd in a grandiloquent outburst. 

"You don't mean it, Ed?" said the Weston landlord, somewhat amazed atthe suggestion. 

"Can't be did, " said Handy. 

"Can't, eh?" remarked McGowan, with a smile of contempt on his cheeryface. "You don't know Gotown, my friend. Come here, " he continued, as herose from his chair and moved toward the door and motioned his friendsto follow. "It is purty dark outside, but no matter about that. Look outyonder and tell me what you see?"

"Not much of anything now, but the faint outlines of a bunch of houses, cranes, derricks, and things, and a lot of lights, " replied Handy. 

"Right you are in what you say. Now listen to me and hear what I have tosay. Had you stood on this same spot you are now standing on, a yearsince, and in broad daylight, the only thing you'd have seen, barrin'the ground, would be the cattle in the field--and darned few of them, atthat--and a few houses here and there, miles apart. A year ago, myfriend, lacking a few days, Gotown didn't exist. Isn't what I'm tellin'him true, Myles?" said the speaker, appealing for corroboration of hisstatement to one who was evidently a steady patron of the McGowanestablishment, and who was about to enter. 

"That's about the size of the truth of it. A year ago, come nextSaturday night, we christened her, all right, all right. "

"What's that you said?" asked Handy, suddenly brightening up. "A yearago, did you say? Christopher Columbus! if we only had a place to showin we could celebrate the centennial anniversary of Gotown. "

His hearers burst into laughter, and Big Ed concluded that the way Handytook in the situation was worthy of a treat on the house, to which thenewcomer, Myles O'Hara, was specially invited. 

"Say, Myles, " inquired the boss, as they stood in front of the bar, "howlong will it take to finish the Academy?"

"Inside and outside?"

"Yes. Both. Complete. "

"Well, that depinds. As Rafferty has the contract, I should say threedays. "

"Three days!" exclaimed Handy and his friend from Weston. 

"I'm spakin'!" replied Myles, in a consequential manner. "An' be thesame token, I know what I'm talkin' about. Three days sure, an' mindyez, Ed, I don't say that bekase I work for Rafferty. I'm not that kindof a man. "

"An' make a good job of it?" asked McGowan. 

"Well, he may not give you much gingerbread work in the shape ofdecorations, but you'll have a dacint-lookin' house enuff for an academyof music. "

"Ed, " interposed the man from Weston, "if you could only get the placeready, what a Jim Dandy house-warming we'd have, in addition to thecelebration commemorating the birthday of the town! Do you think the jobcan be put through on schedule time?"

This made Myles a trifle irritated. "Arrah, what are yez spakin' about?Look-a here, me frind, I'm givin' ye no ghost story. Didn't Rafferty putup ould Judge Flaherty's house inside of a week, and moved in the day itwas finished, an' thin have a wake there the next evening, " arguedMyles, by the way of a clincher to his argument. 

"All right, Myles, I know you know what men can do if it comes to apinch, " responded Big Ed, somewhat nervously. "But let me ask you, coulda stage be put in the hall for the opening?"

"A stage--do yez main an omnibus?"

"No, I don't mean no omnibus, " replied the big fellow, with a humoroustwinkle in his eye. 

"A scaffoldin', thin, I persume ye main, " continued Myles. 

"Oh, darn it, no! I mean a stage--a stage for acting on. "

"Oh, I see now. I comprehind. A stage for show actors, " replied O'Hara, as if a sudden light had dawned upon his not particularly brilliantimagination. "Let me ask yez, what's the matter with a few imptybeer-kegs standing up ag'in' the wall, an' in the middle, with beamsstretched acrost them and fastened on with tin-pinny nails, and aftherthat some nice clain boords nailed on the top ov thim? Wouldn't thim begood enuff for show actin'?"

"Don't say another word, Myles, " said McGowan. Then turning to Handy andhis friend: "We'll guarantee to have everything all right on time, sofar as the academy is concerned, and if you fellows do the rest andprovide and arrange the entertainment, we'll make Gotown hum on Saturdaynight. "

"You mean it, eh?" asked Weston. 

"I'm chirpin', I am, " replied McGowan. 

"Next Saturday night?" inquired Myles. 

"Sure. "

"It's payday, too. "

"So it is, " said McGowan cheerily. 

"An' yez know what payday means in a new town wid a show on the spot. "

"I should say I did. "

"Well, as I was about to say, " continued Myles, "wid an entertainment onhand, indepindint of its bein' the anniversary to commimorate thefoundashon of the place, I think Gotown will make a record for herselfon that occasion. "

"Myles, you've a great head, " laughingly suggested Big Ed, at the sametime slapping the speaker playfully on the shoulder. "Wouldn't you liketo take a hand in the entertainment yourself, with Mr. Handy's consent, and make an opening address?"

"Ed McGowan, ye're very kind, but spakin' is not my stronghowld; but letme be afther tellin' yez I kin howld me own wid the best of 'em, nomatter where they're from, in the line of a bit of dancin', " and O'Harastepped out on the floor and illustrated his story with a few fancysteps of an Irish jig which made an instantaneous hit with the crowd. 

McGowan laughed outright and applauded; Weston joined him inappreciative merriment, while Handy merely contented himself with asmile, as he was mentally absorbed in a study of Myles O'Hara. Handy wasa man of emergencies. He thought quickly and acted promptly. He rarelymissed a point he could turn to advantage. He fancied he saw in MylesO'Hara an auxiliary that might prove valuable. Handy's company was weakin terpsichorean talent, and he determined to strengthen it by securinglocal talent through the services of the representative from Gotown. 

"Mr. O'Hara, " said Handy, addressing Myles, "did I understand you to saythat you were something of a dancer?"

"That you did, sir; an' so was my father afore me, God rest his sowl!Let me tell yez that at sixty-eight years the owld man was as light onhis feet as a two-year-owld. "

"Then, Mr. O'Hara, might I take the liberty to suggest that in honor ofthe day we are going to celebrate you will give your friends anexhibition of your skill at our entertainment next Saturday night?"

"Arrah, what the divil do you take me for? Is it a show actor you wantto make out of me, I dunno?"

"Oh, no, indeed, Mr. O'Hara!" replied Handy, in his most complaisantmanner of speech. "I would not undertake that job. But I thought on thateventful occasion----"

"And, " broke in McGowan, "if you do, it will make you solid with theboys. You know they like you purty well as it is, but when they hear youare going to take part in the anniversary entertainment you can haveanything you want from them. "

"Are yez sayrious, I dunno, at all, at all?" inquired Myles, somewhatdubiously. 

"Am I?" responded McGowan. "Now, Myles, you know I have always had agreat regard for you, and do you think I'd speak as I have done unless Iwas in earnest?"

O'Hara reflected a moment, then turning to McGowan, said: "Ed, look-ahere. "

"Yes, Myles, what is it?"

"Bethune ourselves, an' on the level, what d'ye think the owld womanwould say?"

"Be tickled to death over it. "

"An' the childer--what about thim?"

"They'd be no standin' 'em. Why, man alive, they'd be as proud aspeacocks. "

"D'ye think so?"

"Think so, no; I know so, sure!"

"That settles it. Say, Mr. Handy, "--addressing the manager, --"have yez agood fiddler that can play Irish chunes?"

At this juncture Weston took a hand in the discussion, and, with ananxious desire to solve the musical problem, suggested: "We'll fix thatall right, all right, as we intend to have the Weston PhilharmonicHandel and Hayden Society--I think that's the name of the union--tooperate as an orchestra, and Herr Heintzleman, the leader, who is acorking good fiddler, will play the dance music for you. "

"Heintzleman!" repeated Myles, in apparent disgust. "No, sur! NoHeintzleman for mine. Not much! What! Have a Pennsylvania Dutchman playan Irish jig for me? Arrah, what the divil are yez all dreamin' about?"

"Hold on, Myles, hold on! Don't get mad. Keep yer shirt on, " interposedMcGowan, as a peacemaker. "Myles, you and Dinny Dempsey, the blindpiper, used to be good friends. Now, suppose we get Dinny. How will hesuit you?"

"Now yez are spakin' something like rayson, Ed McGowan. If Dinny Dimpseydoes the piping work, I'll do the dancin'. "

"Is that a go, Myles?"

"There's me hand on it. "

"Then Dempsey will be hired specially for you, even if I have to put upfor him myself. "

"But he must come on the flure wid me. "

"Sure, Myles. "

"An' another thing, he must come on sober. I won't shake a leg or do astep if Dinny has any drink in him beforehand. Yez had bettherundersthand that. "

"That's a go. I promise you shall have Dempsey, and, what's more, Iguarantee he will not have a sup of anything until after the show; butafter the show is over he can have all he can conveniently put under hisskin. "

This brought the preliminary proceedings to an end. By the way ofclosing the bargain, all hands, on the invitation of the proprietor, stepped up to the bar and made another attack on McGowan's best. Theevening was drawing to a close; night had set in, and Handy and Weston, having finished their business, were anxious to get away. Gotown was ashort distance from the railroad station. After they had lighted theircigars they were ready to start homeward bound. 

"Hold on a minute and I'll walk over with you to the train. "

Patsy came from behind the bar and helped the boss on with his coat, andthe three started away. 

On their way across lots they talked of many things appertaining to theforthcoming entertainment. 

"By the way, Mr. McGowan, " said Handy, "is there any danger about thehall not being ready for us on Saturday night?"

"Make your mind easy on that score, " replied McGowan, with confidence. "When I get back to the store and give it out that I must have the hallfinished by noon on Saturday, in order to celebrate properly and inA-No. 1 style the anniversary with a show at night, why, man alive! I'llhave more men to go to work to-morrow morning than would be wanted tofinish two Gotown Metropolitan Academies of Music in the time specified. Yes, sir; when I tell you a thing like that you can bank on it. Youdon't know me yet, Mr. Handy. But see here, I won't promise to furnishthe scenery and other fixin's. Another thing, we don't go much on paintup here. Ain't got no time to waste over ornamentation yet, but Isuppose we'll have that weakness in due time. So you'll have to fix alltrimmin's yourselves. Yez needn't be too particular. We'll have to makeallowance for that. Give the boys plenty of fun and life and they'llexcuse the pictures and gingerbread. If the acting is good and strongyou need have no fear. It is only when the acting is weak and of aninferior quality that fine clothes and grand painted scenery isnecessary to cover it up. At least them's my sentiments. You must havesome stuff down in your town, Wes, in the theatre that'll help us out?"

"That'll be all right. I'll attend to that part of the job, " repliedWes. 

"Is there any particular style of entertainment you would suggest?"inquired Handy. 

"No, " answered Big Ed. "No, so long as it is good, plain, old-fashionedacting, it will be all right. Only don't attempt to give us any of thenew style, the bread and butter and milk and water kind of thing theyare dealing out in the theatres in the big cities these days. Let me putyou wise. We don't go much on style--we believe in the simple life. Butwhatever you act, give it to them good and strong. Well, here we are andhere's your train. Got your tickets? Yes! All right. Skip aboard. Saturday morning I'll be on the look-out for you. So long! Good-night!Safe home!"

CHAPTER XXII

 "Is this world and all the life upon it a farce or vaudeville where you find no great meanings?" --GEORGE ELIOT. 

When Handy and his pro tem landlord arrived in Weston they discoveredthe ever-faithful Smith at the station awaiting them. He had been on thelook-out for over an hour. As he had nothing in particular to occupy hismind, the railroad station was as interesting a place as any he couldfind in which to loiter. The evening was not particularly agreeable;Smith, however, did not mind a little thing like that. He could standit; besides, he was most anxious to meet his manager immediately andascertain what the future promised from actual and personal observation. He was pleased when the train rolled in and the two advance menalighted. Few words were exchanged between Smith and his principal, butfew as they were, he was convinced that the visit to Gotown wassatisfactory. The trio reached the hotel in time for a substantialsupper. That disposed of, and when the dishes were cleared away, Handybegan to unburden himself:

"I wish to see the members of the company to-night, Smith, and have atalk with them. We have secured the opening night in a brand-new housenext Saturday night--the Gotown Metropolitan Academy of Music. Don'tlook surprised. It is a fact. The place isn't quite completed yet, andmay not be altogether finished when we open it. However, that cuts noice, for I never in my experience found a newly built theatre to bealtogether ready at the time it was announced to open--but the placeopened, just the same. "

"Is it really a new house, Handy?" inquired Smith, somewhat in doubt. 

"It will be when it is finished. "

"Have you seen the builder's designs? What kind of a place is it, anyhow?"

"Designs be hanged! No. They build without plans in Gotown. The place isgrowing so almighty fast they have no time to waste preparing plans ordesigns. The builder thinks them out as he works along. "

"But there's a hall?" inquired Smith, doubtingly as before. 

"I told you, " replied Handy, a little vexed, "it isn't there yet, but wewill find it there when we arrive. Don't you want to risk it, Smith?"

"Of course I want to go, but there are some who hesitate. "

"Who are they?"

"I'd sooner you would find it out from themselves. "

"That's it, eh? Mutineers on board. Well, all I can say is they can flythe coop at once, and take the next train back. " At this point a knockwas heard at the door and three members of the company entered. "Ah, good-evening, gentlemen!" said Handy blandly. "Be seated. "

Then in his own peculiar manner he described his visit to Gotown, thekind of a place it was, and the prospects of the proposed venture. Theylistened attentively to his story. When he informed them that to thecompany was given the distinguished privilege of opening the newestablishment, they signified their willingness to take chances. Therewas one, however, who showed the white feather. From his manner it wasevident he was the one disturbing element in the otherwise harmoniousorganization. He exhibited his ill-concealed contempt of the scheme bysmirks, smiles, and shrugs. He could hardly be considered an actor. Hisbest attempts at acting were bad--at times they reached the limit. Offthe stage he was a snob by affiliation and a gossiper by inclination. Hedrifted into the profession on the tide of his own vanity and continuedin the lower ranks through the merit of his complete unfitness toadvance a rung higher. There are many of his kind in every calling. 

"I wish to say one thing right here and now, " said Handy, and withfirmness. "I want no unwilling volunteers, and I am not offeringbounties. This Gotown venture promises well. I told you what I could andwould do if things panned out all right, and what I would do, anyhow, nomatter how things went. I think from my standpoint the proposition is afair one. You are the best judges from your point. Anyone who don't wishto go, needn't. That's all. "

"Well, " replied Smith promptly and cheerfully, "I guess if you can standit, we can; at least I speak for myself. "

Those present, except the individual indicated, coincided with Smith. 

"May I inquire, " asked the member of the company indicated, "what mannerof entertainment you propose to present at this a--a--Gotown place, Mr. Handy?"

"Certainly you may, " answered Handy calmly. "It will be one in whichthere is no part for you, sir. "

"What do you mean?"

"Only this: Gotown or no Gotown, you are not in it. I have been studyingyour actions for some time. As an actor, we can dispense with yourservices. There is no position in this company for disturbers orgossipers. "

"I think this is the----"

Handy continued, not paying the slightest attention to the speaker'sinterruption: "The next train leaves at 10:13 for the city--about anhour from now. Your ticket will be given you at the station, and you canleave here. You are no longer a member of this company. "

This episode, instead of weakening Handy in the estimation of hispeople, tended rather to strengthen him. It proved that he could wieldpower when he considered it necessary to do so. Notwithstanding that thedeparting one was unpopular with his associates, he had managed throughinsinuating manners and slippery speech to create petty dissensions. After he departed he was voted very much of a bore by those whoremained. Handy, on the contrary, did not even once refer to thesubject. The act he considered from a purely business standpoint. He hadmatters on hand of greater moment to engross his attention. 

All told, his company numbered seven acting members. He had no advanceman or press agent. He did not need either. Weston he made businessmanager--he himself was director in general and actor in particular. Sofar everything was all right. What puzzled him most was the class ofentertainment he had to supply. His company was not such as heconsidered an adaptable one; it was not such as he had when he made thedescent on Newport. The dwarf was not there; neither was Nibsy--bothvaluable people from a strolling player's standpoint. It is true he hadhis loyal friend Smith, and Smith could be relied upon for anyemergency. With the ability of the remaining members of his troupe hewas comparatively unacquainted. In no way disheartened, he determined todo the best he could. A scene from one play and an act from another, with a liberal sprinkling of songs and dances and monologues sandwichedin between the so-called dramatic portions, he concluded, would be asgood a bill of fare as he could supply. This, with the assistance of theHandel and Hayden Philharmonic Orchestra, ought to in all reason satisfyGotown and its audience. 

"We are not so all-fired badly fixed, after all, Smith, old boy, " saidHandy, in his customary optimistic manner, as they sat togetherreviewing the situation. "With seven people we can attempt almost anypractical play. We played, you remember, 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' with thatnumber. We also got away with 'Monte Cristo' with seven. Of course itwasn't as well done as James O'Neill does it, but that's anotherquestion. Let me see! How many did we have when we presented 'Around theWorld in Eighty Days'?"

"Fourteen, " quickly responded Smith, "but that included a grand ballet. "

"Ah, that's so! So it did, " said Handy, "but we lost money on thatventure. There's nothing in these big companies. Small, compact, butstrong utility companies win every time. Charley Frohman will tell youthe same thing. "

"Seven is none too many for our work, Handy. "

"No. It's about the proper figure. With judicious and intelligentdoubling, a good manager might tackle almost anything. Say, Smith, didyou ever have a shy at _Richmond_, in 'Richard III'?"

"Well, I should smile, " responded Smith, with a delighted expression onhis face. "_Richmond!_ one of my best roles. Say! How is this, " andimmediately he struck a theatrical attitude and began: "Thus far intothe bowels of the land have we marched on without impediment; Gloster, the----'"

"Hold! Let up right where you are, " interrupted Handy. "I know the rest. Say, Smith, my boy, "--and the manager looked earnestly at the would-be_Richmond_--"I am going to give you the opportunity of your life. "

"How's that?"

"We will present for the first time only the great fifth act of 'RichardIII' out of compliment to the people of Gotown, and you will be the_Richmond_. "

"Oh, come off!" answered Smith. "Why, darn it, man! 'Richard' will beall Greek to them--the Gotown public don't know anything aboutShakespeare. Maybe never heard tell of him. "

"But they will know all about him after we introduce him. But that hasnothing to do with the case. Now let me enlighten you. I am afraid youdon't catch on to the situation. I will explain: Don't you see_Richmond's_ first speech, 'Thus far into the bowels of the land, ' istypical of the miner. He makes his living by driving into the bowels ofthe land, don't he?"

"You bet he does, and good money, too, " answered Smith enthusiastically. 

"Into the bowels of the land, or earth, as the case may be, have wemarched on without impediment. " Handy paused here for a moment to catchhis wandering thoughts in order to explain his text. "You see, Smith, _Richmond_ marched on without impediment. So does the miner at first, when he has only to wrestle with the soil, sub-soil, and all that kindof thing. Then comes Gloster, the bloody and devouring boar, typifiedagain by the hard and flinty rock the miner frequently encounters. For atime there's a fierce struggle between _Richard_, as represented by therock, and _Richmond_, as personified by the miner. It's about an evenbet as to who wins out. The play all over; don't you see? There's apurty lively scrimmage between the two. 'Tis nip and tuck for a time. Atlength _Richard_ caves in, and _Richmond_ wins out. So with the miner, the rock resists, then finally yields, and after that the milk and honeyof enterprise in the shape of liquid oil flows forth. Am I clear orcrude, dear boy?"

"Both!" exclaimed Smith, holding up both hands. "Handy, why in the nameof heaven were you not born rich instead of great?"

"Smith, " continued Handy, "you will be the miner, I the rock--_Richmond_and _Richard_. "

"Handy, you ought to print a diagram to explain the act. The audiencemay not be able to understand it if you don't. "

"Map of the seat of war, eh?"

"Sure. "

"Smith, did you ever look over a war map in any of the newspapers thathad special correspondents on the spot?"

"Certainly I did. "

"And read his description of the scene of action?"

"Yes, of course. "

"And scan the scare headlines, telegraphic accounts of the battle, splitup and continued into different parts of the paper?"

"Took in the whole shootin' match!"

"And after reading all this fine descriptive work did you chance to castyour eagle eye over the editorial columns?"

"Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. Generally I give the editorialcomments a rest. "

"Now, then, let me ask you, after studying the war maps, and thediagrams, and the big heads, and telegraphic dispatches, and our ownspecials, etc. , etc. , and so forth, what conclusion did you come to onthe subject?"

"That there was a big battle fought somewhere in which there were manykilled and wounded, perhaps. "

"Now in a few words you tell the whole story, and you tell it well andwithout illustrations or diagrams, and without any unnecessary frills bythe way of editorials. So will we give the fight to a finish on BosworthField without any pictorial work. We'll just give it. "

"'Tis your idea, then, to give the act simply with the combat withoutexplanation?"

"Not exactly in the way you put it. "

"Say, Handy, an idea strikes me. What do you say to the suggestion ofdoing the combat scene with two-ounce gloves. A great scheme, eh? Don'tyou think so? 'Twould be modernizing the piece and bring it down todate. "

"Shades of Shakespeare, angels and ministers of graces defend us! Smith, Smith, my boy, don't talk tommy-rot! Gloves instead of swords! Go to. Don't you know, my friend, that a glove fight might leave _Richmond_open to a challenge from some ambitious and undeveloped Gotown pugilist, and then where would we be--I mean you? Oh, no! But I tell you whatwouldn't be altogether out of place. "

"Well, let us hear it. "

"We might be able to impress some young limb of the law, in the shape ofa lawyer, into the service, who no doubt might, after a brief study ofProfessor John Phinn's vocabulary of Shakespeare, be willing to go onand tell who _Richard_ and _Richmond_ were in their day, and how_Richard_ got the stuffin' knocked out of him because he was crooked anda tyrant and a monopolist. And, moreover, as all lawyers like to showoff in the spouting line, when they get the chance, he might say a goodword or two for the immortal Bard of Avon. Not that Shakespeare wantsit, but merely as an evidence of good faith. "

"Bully! The more I see of you, Handy, the more convinced I am of yourremarkable genius. "

"Oh, that's all right, Smith. Now, then, let me ask you. Can Daisey DeVere"--the only woman remaining of the company--"sing and dance?"

"She has ability and she is willing to stand by us. "

"Has she the experience?"

"Plenty of it, such as it is. And she's anxious for more if she gets theshow. Besides, Daisey is a good, straight girl, and these are the kind, I am sorry to say, that have the toughest time in getting ahead, butwhen one of them gets there it's all smooth sailing afterwards. Yes, Daisey can do anything and everything a decent girl can try to do. Youcan't faize her. You may put her down for anything to help out. She'sbeen there before. "

"What kind of a voice has she--a singing voice, I mean?"

"That depends. "

"Depends on what?"

"Well, you see, if she is going to sing in girls' duds, she's acontralto; but then, if she has to do her stunt in boys' clothes, she isa female barytone. "

"Oh, she knows a trick or two, " said Handy, smiling. "She must havetraveled some. "

"You bet. She's a traveler for fair. She will go anywhere, and she's athome wherever she lands. She has one trunk in Chicago, another inCincinnati, a valise in Buffalo, a grip in St. Louis, and other venturesshe has in safe-keeping for her elsewhere. Her parents live inChillicothe. She has a brother in Frisco, an aunt in New Orleans, anUncle in Boston, an----"

"Hold, for pity sake!" interrupted Handy. "Let up! I don't want to havea geographical inventory of the girl's parents, relatives, and personaleffects to ascertain what she can do histrionically. "

"Well, " replied Smith, somewhat nettled, "you can make up your mind shehas wide experience. "

"I should say so. With trunks and relatives waiting for her like opendates all over the country in most of the big cities, I guess Gotownwon't scare her. There is one point, however, I can put you wise on--shewill leave no trunk behind her in Gotown. "

"You never can tell in advance, Handy; you were always optimistic. Whycan't she, if she has a fad in that direction?"

"Simply, my friend, because there ain't a hotel in the place, that'swhy. "

"What!" cried Smith, in amazement, "no liquor stores in Gotown?"

"I didn't say that. I said there were no hotels. "

"What's the difference? Don't you know there are no saloons in New Yorknow? They are all hotels. The law is strict on that score, and if Gotownis regulated on the same plan and there are no hotels, I'm beginning tohave my doubts. Say, old man, this is no prohibition colony you'resteering us up against, eh?"

Handy looked at Smith in mild surprise and without moving a muscle ofhis face; but there was a quiet meaning in his eye that spoke moreforcibly than mere words. At length he broke the silence. 

"Smith, I'm afraid you are not well. Get thee to bed. Rest youraltogether too active brain. The Pennsylvania air is a little too muchfor you. I can get along without further assistance. Good-night! See mein the morning. "

CHAPTER XXIII

 "All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. " --AS YOU LIKE IT. 

Handy and Smith parted for the night, and then the veteran set to workto concoct one of these very remarkable programmes for which his namehad become more or less famous in different parts of the country. It istrue he was considerably perplexed over the difficulties that confrontedhim. Perplexities, difficulties, and Handy were old acquaintances, however. They had met many a time and oft in the past, and he hadweathered the storm and as a rule came out a winner. It was hardlypossible that his customary good fortune would desert him on this tryingoccasion. With the sole exception of Smith, he was absolutelyunacquainted with the theatric abilities of his company or how far hecould rely on them to carry into effect his stage directions. Daisey deVere, judging from the elaborate characteristic account Smith had givenof her, rather appealed to him. He felt satisfied she would fill herplace in the bill of the play, come what might. She had to. From thediagnosis furnished by his lieutenant he thought she would pan out allright. He knew he wasn't going to offer an entertainment to a housefulof metropolitan first-nighters, with attendant critics from thenewspapers to display their erudition next morning in cold type and hotwords. He already considered Daisey as a chip of the old block. 

It was well into the night when the indefatigable manager got throughwith his pen, which at best was a work of labor to him--and hard laborat that. It is only fair to admit that he had meager theatric resourcesto draw upon and be able in any way to whip it into shape to fit theexigencies of the approaching occasion. He derived considerablecomforting consolation from the reflection that Gotown was virgin soilupon which he was called upon to operate theatrically. As the result ofpondering with his brain and manipulating with his pen, he succeeded inevolving a draft of a programme as mixed and varied as might be expectedfrom the all-star company gathered together at short notice for abenefit or testimonial for some popular unfortunate player--with severalloopholes for such changes, alterations, additions, subtractions, multiplications, and divisions as might suggest themselves or be forcedupon him later on. From the coinage of his active brain he succeeded inbringing forth and committing to paper something like the following ashis programme for the inauguration and opening night of the GotownMetropolitan Academy of Music:

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Come One--Come All--Be On Hand

GOTOWN METROPOLITAN ACADEMY OF MUSIC

Proprietor and Owner. .. .. .. .. .. . Mr. Ed. McGowan

Mr. McGowan takes pleasure in announcing that he has engagedthe celebrated Actor-Manager, Mr. Sellers Micawber Handy, and histalented company of performers to appear

Next Saturday Evening

To celebrate the anniversary of the founding of

GOTOWN

By the official inauguration of theMETROPOLITAN ACADEMY OF MUSIC

To make the event worthy of this occasionthis highly talented and distinguished bunchwill be presented under the direction of Mr. Handy

In a Variegated Program

Made up of selections from undeniably good sources, ancientand modern. In consequence of the length and richnessof the Bill, details will not be given out until the nightof the Show. It may be mentioned, however, that

_Singing and Dancing_

as well as Acting in all the various departments of Tragedy, Comedy, Burlesque, Grand Opera, etc. , etc. , will beintroduced in the most approved and up-to-datestyle that circumstances will permit

Local Celebrities

Have generously volunteered their valuable services to lenda hand and do something

 List of Prices First half of the house, with seats. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. $1. 00 Second half, back to the wall. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. . 50 Seats in the windows, with steps to get at them. .. .. .. . 50 Seats in the balcony, first two rows. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. . . 75 General admission, with a chance for a seat. .. .. .. .. .. . 25 Tickets in advance may be purchased beforehand at

Ed. McGowan's Spiritual Emporium

 Tickets bought of speculators on the outside will be refused at the door

 The entertainment will start at 8 o'clock and wind up when the audience have all they want

 P. S. --Don't miss this chance, for it will be the only anniversary of its kind with which Gotown will be honored in a long time to come. 

 _The Weston Handel and Hayden Philharmonic Society will handle the Music_

After Handy had finished his herculean labor in concocting thisextraordinary playbill, he leaned back in his chair and read and rereadit over and over again, to assure himself it was all right. Then withthe consciousness that he had done his duty, he lay down to rest for afew hours to recuperate before he again took up the thread of that busylife which, though at times it brought him sore trials and tribulations, never appeared to have robbed him of that measure of contentment andcheerfulness with his lot which was his chief characteristic insustaining him through the temporary storms of adversity which heencountered. 

CHAPTER XXIV

 "There's nothing to be got nowadays unless thou can'st fish for it. " --PERICLES PRINCE OF TYRE. 

The following day was a busy one in thought and action. Notwithstandingthe disposition and energy of the Gotown proprietor in getting theAcademy of Music ready, there were many things to be considered apartfrom the mere putting up of the structure itself. And these were asnecessary as the house proper. In the first place, there was not astitch of canvas prepared for the scenery; the lighting of the house hadto be considered, and the arrangements for the seating had not beenmentioned. These were some of the perplexities that confronted Handy. 

The first thing he did to prepare himself for the work before him was totake a bath. He was a great believer in hygiene, and cold water forbathing purposes he considered the best of medicines. The bath taken, hesat down to a good plain and substantial meal, with an appetite to enjoyit. Then, after carefully loading his briarwood, he summoned his manFriday for consultation. 

"Now, then, Smith, we have some work ahead this trip, I can tell you, and no mistake; and I hardly know where to begin. Anyhow, call arehearsal for one o'clock. "

"A what! A rehearsal?" replied Smith, amazed. "A rehearsal--rehearsal ofwhat, and may I inquire where?"

"That's so, " said Handy thoughtfully. "That's so. Never mind putting upthe call, or better still, go and see the members of the company andtell them to be ready for the call. I'll decide later what I want themto do. "

The next move of the veteran was to call on the manager of the WestonTheatre to see if he could have the use of the stage for the afternoon. He found he could not, as the company then playing there wanted it forthe rehearsal of a new play they had in rehearsal. If the next day wouldsuit, the stage was at his disposal. This was an agreeable surprise toHandy. It suited him much better, as it gave him a little more time tothink over the bill he should present at Gotown. He hastened to thehotel and instructed Smith to call the people for rehearsal at theWeston Theatre at eleven o'clock next forenoon. 

This piece of business off his mind, he sought his partner in the Gotownventure, to ascertain about the Handel and Hayden Philharmonic. Westonhad just returned from a visit to Herr Anton Wagner, the leader andpresident of the society. 

"I have just parted with the boss of the spielers, " said Weston, "and Iam a bit disappointed. I don't think we can get them to do the streetparade stunt, but for the night job they will be all O. K. "

"What do you mean by the street parade stunt?" inquired Handy, in somesurprise. "That's a new one on me. "

"Well, I thought it would be a great scheme if we could get the Philliesto get out their wind instruments and play a few tunes through the mainstreet from the station up to the new Academy the afternoon of the show. You know I have a couple of dozen army overcoats in the storeroom. Thespielers could wear them. Then when they got to the Academy they couldshed their street armor, hide their wind instruments, and start in onthe string instruments in their glad rags. "

Handy smiled, and asked: "How did you succeed?"

"Couldn't work the street racket. "

"Why?"

"Because the men had to work at their regular jobs. Wagner is ashoemaker. He works the trombone in the streets and the bull fiddleunder cover. The man that works the cornet in the outside operates thefiddle on the inside, and he's a dandy at it. He's a tailor, and a goodone. He made the coat that's on my back; the man that----"

"Hold on. That's enough!" broke in Handy. "I'm just as well pleased youdidn't get them to do that street stunt. But you are sure there will beno disappointment for the night's performance?"

"Sure. They are all anxious to go. But Herr Wagner wants his name to bementioned on the bills as leader and president of the Handel and HaydenPhilharmonic Society. "

"All right. He will have a line on the bills. "

"He gave me a pointer, too, and asked me to speak to you about it. "

"What is it?"

"The man that works the fiddle, --Wagner calls him his first violin, --isan Irishman. His name is Nick Cullen in the shop, but when he tacklesthe fiddle in public he is known as Signor Nicola Collenso. If you givehim a place on the programme you can put him down for a violin solo onthe stage. "

"Tell him to meet me to-morrow on the stage of the theatre at twelve. "

"Good! Nick will be tickled to death. "

"Now, then, old man, we're all right so far as the entertainment isconcerned. That don't bother me a little bit. But the Gotown Academysits heavily on my mind, and all on account of minor considerations andthe shortness of time in the way of lighting, tickets, seats for theaudience and scenery. We can't act in the dark, the people who pay forreserved seats won't care for standing two or three hours, no matter howgood our bill of fare is, and there ought to be something in the way ofscenery, else those who pay their good coin may kick. Do I make myselfquite plain?"

"Very. And have we to supply all these?"

"You bet! Who else is going to do it? This Gotown proposition was yours. I am willing to do all I can. This is Wednesday. There's no time towaste. "

"So am I willing. But you are bossing the job. Tell me what you want meto do and I'll do it. "

"Then take the next train for Gotown; see McGowan, go with him to theprinters at once and get out the tickets, so many at one dollar, so manyat seventy-five cents, the rest at fifty and on all of these havereserved seats in big type. You can then have as many as you think weneed for general admission. Have no reserved seats printed on them. Iwill give you the copy for the printer before you go. When does thetrain start?"

"About half hour from now. "

"Find out from McGowan all about the lighting of the place, and whatarrangements he has made about seating the crowd; and be sure youascertain if there is any danger of the house not being ready for us. You know we have no written or regular contract, as all well regulatedcompanies like ours should have. If any other little thing occurs to meI'll wire you, and if anything really important takes place up therethat won't hold over until you get back, wire me. Here's the copy forthe tickets. Have them printed at once. Get the different priced ticketson different colored cards. Red, white, and blue--and green. Now, then, go, and good speed and good luck. "

On the second visit to the theatre Handy was pleased to notice thateverything was arranged for him to have the use of the stage next day. Though the manager was perfectly agreeable about it, he was noticeablyworried about something, and Handy recognized it at once. Like Gilbert'spoliceman, the manager's life at times is not a happy one. 

"You seem to be put out about something, Governor?" All managers oftheatres as a rule are governors, through courtesy, and they like to beso addressed. 

"I am. Say, let me ask you a question. Did you ever have a date brokenon you at short notice?"

"Did I?" exclaimed Handy, with a smile. "Disappointments and I are oldacquaintances. "

"You can then realize my feelings. The last three days of next week inthe theatre are open, and this is the second troupe that broke with me, and next Thursday is a holiday. Like a fool, I made no effort to fillthe first part of the week, relying on the holiday night, Friday andSaturday's two performances to make up the difference. Isn't thattough?"

"That is tough, " answered Handy sympathetically. "That is pretty hard. Why don't you wire----"

"Oh, don't talk to me about wiring or telegraphing or mailing. I havebeen doing that for nearly a week, until I am nearly gone daft. Ofcourse I could get the regular fake, or barn-stormers or turkeycompanies--you know 'em--but none of 'em for me. I want companies I knowsomething about. "

"Quite right. People you can rely on, " continued Handy. "You are in apretty bad fix, and if I can help you out in any way I'll be only toohappy to do so. To be frank with you, this Gotown venture has beenworrying me more than I care to admit. You know we open the new Academyof Music there Saturday night, and the reason the proprietor is in suchhaste to do so on that date is because Saturday is the anniversary ofthe founding of the town. "

"I don't see there's anything in that to worry you. You're dead sure toget the crowd. "

"Oh, that's all right! But then I am awfully afraid the scenery won't beready. It was ordered only a short time ago. The owner of the theatreknows nothing about our business and left it until, I am afraid, it'stoo late. So now you can see the fix I am in. "

"That's too bad, too bad! Where do you play after leaving Gotown?"

"Oh, after Gotown, eh?" and Handy became thoughtful and silent for amoment, and then slowly and deliberately explained: "Oh, after Gotown weare going to lay off for a week and add three or four new members to ourcompany. They are not exactly new, for they were with us before, and areall good, reliable people and are up in the stage business of 'Down onthe Old Farm, ' a rattling good piece. "

It might as well be explained now, as later, that up to the time thatthe Weston manager made known his troubles and his open dates Handy hadnot the slightest thought of "Down on the Old Farm, " and did not have adate after Gotown. 

"Say, Mr. Handy, how large is the stage of the new Gotown house?"

"Well, " said Handy, after casting his eyes meaningly around the stage, "I should say that it is about the size of this one. Perhaps a littledeeper. " He had, of course, never been inside of the Gotownestablishment--it being yet unbuilt. 

"Now, then, I tell you what I'll do. I can help you and you in turn canassist me. I have no attraction here for Saturday night. You cantherefore make use of what scenery you require, under the circumstances, without the drop curtain; but I have a first-rate green baize in thestoreroom and I will loan all of it to you. My property room is wellstocked, and you can have the use of the props. Moreover, I'll send mystage manager up to Gotown to help you--on one condition. "

"Name it, Governor. "

"That you will fill my dates of three nights of next week with 'Down onthe Old Farm' in this theatre. "

Handy was dumbfounded at the proposition. It seemed almost like aglimpse of heaven. He was almost overpowered, and in a somewhathesitating manner replied: "It is very kind of you, Governor, but Icannot give you an entirely decisive answer just now; but this, I assureyou, you may make your mind easy. I must, if only for courtesy sake, consult my partner, who is now in Gotown. Besides, I must see the Gotownmanager. I may be magnifying the disappointment about the scenery. Thekindness of your offer and your generosity in putting your scenery at mydisposal appeals to my heart. I think I can give you an assurance thatyour date will be filled for the last three nights of next week with'Down on the Old Farm. '"

"I can rely on your word?"

"Here's my hand. The usual terms, I suppose?"

"I'll go ten per cent better. "

"Get out your printing at once for 'The Old Farm, ' and make allnecessary arrangements. I'll be off to Gotown at once. I'll run down andsend my man up to get the scenery ready for Gotown to-morrow afternoon. "

Handy made hasty steps down to the hotel, consulted with Smith, andinstructed him to go up to the theatre and take a look over the sceneryand props. 

"Our end of the work here is all right, Smith, my boy, but I am a bitnervous about the Gotown lay-out. Not that I doubt Mr. McGowan'sintentions, but I am afraid he has bitten off more than he can chew. However, there's no need in bidding the devil good-morrow till you're upforeninst him, is there?" Then slapping Smith heartily on the back hecried: "And we are all right for next week, too. We play the oldstand-by 'Down on the Old Farm' at the Weston the last three nights. Come down with me to the station and I'll tell you more. I am off forGotown. Will see you to-night, if I can; but if not, I will be with youthe first thing in the morning. There's no time to lose. "

CHAPTER XXV

 "Joy danced with Mirth, a gay, fantastic Crowd. " --COLLINS. 

It was a surprise when Handy's cheerful face was seen on the thresholdof McGowan's emporium. 

"Well, I'm blest! Look here, Wes, see who's here! In the name offortune, what wind blew you in?"

"Oh!" replied Handy, in his usual good-humored way, "I was growin' lazyworkin' so hard, and ran up to see how the Academy is growing. "

"Fine as silk. We are putting in overtime on it to-night in the way ofgasfitting. You know, Handy, " said McGowan, confidentially, "thesegasfitters, like plumbers, are curious critters and need watching, andI'm going to have them work night and day until they get through. Iwouldn't, between ourselves, have this anniversary celebration fallthrough for any amount of money, but----"

"Ah! I was expecting that. "

"That but?"

"But we haven't a stitch of scenery for the darn stage. That's what'sworrying me, and I can't see me way to mend it. "

The veteran smiled, and then calmly asked, "Is that all that perplexesyou?"

"And isn't that enough?" exclaimed his friend. 

"Well, under ordinary circumstances, " replied the veteran, "it would bemore than enough; but let me relieve your anxieties. All the necessaryscenery, properties, including a green baize curtain, latest style, willreach Gotown Friday night on special car. "

Weston opened his eyes and mouth in wonder and exclaimed "What!"

McGowan, on the contrary, became serious and asked, "Handy, say, are youkiddin' us?"

"I am telling you the truth. "

Then he explained to McGowan how, through the kindness and patriotism ofthe manager of the Weston Theatre, he was able to do the trick. 

McGowan looked at Handy a moment, then caught him in an embrace and leta yell out of him that could be heard a half mile distant. 

"Patsy!" he yelled out, "get a move on you. Call in Hans to help you, and I'll take a hand in myself. Handy, you're a bird! All present stepup to the bar and drink the health, prosperity, and good luck of Mr. Handy and his friend, the manager of the Weston Theatre. This is on thehouse. "

As soon as things quieted down and Handy had a chance to have a chatwith his partner, Weston, he learned that the show promised greatresults financially. 

Now that the scenery problem was solved, everybody seemed happy. Big Edwas the happiest of the lot. He shook hands with everyone who came in asthe night grew older, and his description of the special car, and thegreen baize curtain, just like any first-class theatre in New York, Boston or Philadelphia, was glowing and picturesque. He was determinedto show the people of Gotown and the remainder of the county that Gotownwas in it with both feet, and when she started out to do things that shecould do it and make no mistake about it. 

Handy and Weston took the late train and reached Weston shortly aftermidnight, and retired for a good night's rest. 

Next morning as Handy and his host sat together at breakfast, heexplained the arrangement he had entered into with the regular Westonimpresario. "The deal wasn't quite closed. I wanted, as I told him, toconsult you, my partner in the Gotown proposition. I wished to give youa chance to go snacks with me in this new venture, if agreeable, oncondition that you be as light as possible on the company for board andlodging while they are not working. "

Both of them then set out for the theatre, where they found Smith andthe company. Smith was in consultation with the stage manager of thehouse. Between them they had already selected three drop scenes--aparlor, a drawing-room, and a landscape or wood, two pairs of wings, twofly borders, and a pair of tormentors, the green baize curtain, and thestage carpet. 

"Say, Wes, how does this strike you?" asked Handy, in a stage whisper. 

"Great! but how did you do it?" he replied, in a manner bordering onamazement. 

"Hush! You never can find out how to get out of a hole until you firstget into one. "

"Big Ed McGowan will be the most surprised man in Pennsylvania when hesees all this landed at the doors of the Academy. "

"Oh, Mr. Smith! have you had a talk with the people, and how do theystand?"

"Prepared for anything, and are eager for the fray, " answered Smith, ina breezy off-hand manner. 

"Good! Now then sit down at the prompt table there and make notes, "directed Handy, "of our lay-out. We open with a grand overture by theHandel and Hayden Philharmonic Society; and as a matter of course, onaccount of their patriotic kindness in volunteering for the celebrationof the anniversary of the foundation of Gotown, they will have an encoreand will then play a medley of national American airs, 'Yankee Doodle, ''Hail, Columbia, ' 'Patrick's Day, ' 'The Watch on the Rhine, ' 'The StarSpangled Banner, ' and 'Dixie. ' Then the curtain will go up on 'Box andCox. ' You'll play _Box_, Diggins will do _Cox_, and Cromwell will play_Mrs. Bouncer_. "

"Hold on, sir, " said Smith. "Cromwell can't do _Mrs. Bouncer_--he has amoustache, you know. "

Handy smiled. "Let him shave it off. Don't you remember that in AugustinDaly's theatre, in the very heyday of its glory, Mr. Daly would notallow any actor to wear hair on his face? Cromwell is too good an actorto hesitate to make so slight a sacrifice in the interest of art. Tellhim I said so, Smith. "

Smith smiled, and in a stage whisper said: "He heard all you said. Yes, Mr. Cromwell will shave. "

"Then will follow Miss De Vere in one of her coon songs, after the styleof Fay Templeton, May Irwin or----What's that, boy?" addressing a ladwho approached the prompt table. 

"There's a man back at the stage door, sir, " replied the boy, "with afiddle case under his arm, who says you have a date with him. "

"Oh, yes! That's all right, my boy. Where is he?" and Handy walked backwith the boy. "Is this Signor Collenso, about whom I have heard so manypleasant things?"

"Say, Mr. Handy, me name is plain Bill Cullen for every-day work, butfor professional purposes in the music line I discovered that it pays toput on a bit of style, and that's how I came to ring in the Collenso. "

"Quite right, my dear fellow! All artists of more or less great ability, especially in the musical line, make such alterations. For instance, Lizzie Norton is twisted into Mme. Nordica; Pat Foley changed intoSignor Foli; and when Ellen Mitchell became great, she dropped the oldname and Italianized it into Melba. Oh, that's all right. "

"Yes, sir; I know all that, and there are others. But when you and I aretalking, let us give the Italian cognomen a rest. Now, what do you wantme to do?"

"What can you do?"

"Oh, something of everything--classic and otherwise. "

"What can you do in the classics, for example?"

"Selections from Mendelssohn, Paganini, Schumann, Rubinstein----"

"Say, my friend, " asked Handy, in some surprise, "do you play suchmusic?"

"Oh, yes, whenever I get a chance in public; but when alone they are myfavorites. But, then, for encores I give them 'Killarney, ' 'Molly Bawn, ''The Swanee River, ' 'Mr. Dooley, ' 'Harrigan'--anything that's popularand what they call up to date. "

"All right, Cullen. I'm busy just now. Will you call around to the hotelto-night and we'll have a chat, and fix things up?"

"Sure. I'll be on hand. About eight o'clock. "

Handy then returned to the prompt table. 

"Where were we, Smith? Oh, yes! I remember; we were giving Miss De Verea dance. Well, after Daisey's dance will come Señor Collenso's violinsolo, selection from Paganini. Then will follow the talented youngGotown lawyer in a dissertation on Shakespeare, and also inform themabout the mill between _Richard_ and _Richmond_. Smith, have you allthat down?"

"Every word of it. "

"And then will come the fight between Richard and _Richmond_ withbroadswords, in which you will have the opportunity of your life. Thecurtain will drop here, and then there will follow the intermission. "

"Are you going to have much of an intermission?" inquired Smith. 

"Oh, ten or fifteen minutes or so. You know we must give Big Ed, theproprietor of the emporium, as well as of the Academy, a chance to do alittle bit of business. Besides, it's awfully dry work listening to goodmusic, fine songs, and strong acting without something to help you tothoroughly enjoy them. "

"That's true. That's a great first part, Mr. Handy. Music, song, vocaland instrumental; dance, oratory, and tragedy. Great, great!"

"Miss De Vere will start in after the intermission with that beautifuland thrilling song, 'Down in a Coal Mine. ' Some member of the company, whoever knows it, can recite 'Shamus O'Brien, ' or some other equallypopular recitation. "

"These two numbers will be sure to catch 'em, " remarked Smith, with abroad grin of appreciation. 

"Then will follow a dance, 'The Fox Hunter's Jig, ' by Mr. Myles O'Hara, a prominent citizen of Gotown, who has in the most generous andpatriotic manner volunteered to add to the festivities for thisoccasion. It will be his first appearance on the stage. The music forthis event will be supplied by the celebrated Irish piper, Mr. DinnyDempsey, who will also be seen on the stage in native Irish costume andfull regalia. Then, Smith, you can trot out one of your well-known comicmonologues that you are so famous in. After that we'll wind up with 'TheStrollers' Medley, ' in which all the company will take part, and DaiseyDe Vere can do a favorite stunt of dancing now and then to fill up thegap. Now, then, go to work. Get the people busy and have them in goodworking order. Call a full dress rehearsal at one o'clock on the stageat the Gotown Academy of Music, so that we'll all know what we've got todo at night. I think that's all just now. "

There wasn't an idle hour for the remainder of the day and the greaterpart of the next by the company, under Smith's guidance, preparing forthe anniversary event in Gotown. There were rehearsals, and rehearsals, and more rehearsals. 

Friday evening, between eight and nine o'clock, Handy, his partner, andthe stage manager of the Weston Theatre, arrived in Gotown with theborrowed scenery and props. Ed McGowan and assistants were at thestation with three wagons to convey the stage accoutrements to the newlybuilt temple of Thespis that was to open its doors to the public thefollowing night. It was an all night job of preparation, but there weremany and willing hands to do what they were bid, under the direction ofHandy and his pro tem stage manager. 

A student of the drama, had he been present, might have been carriedback in thought a century or over, when many of the great players ofdays that are no more had to go through somewhat similar experiences. The Booths, the Cookes, the Keans, the Kembles, the Forrests, theJeffersons, the Wallacks, and other great actors whose names are writtenon the imperishable tablets of fame have traveled over just such roads. Smith and the company, after a good night's rest and a hearty breakfast, reached Gotown early in the forenoon. 

At fifteen minutes past seven o'clock the doors of the MetropolitanAcademy of Music were thrown open, and at eight o'clock there was not anunoccupied space in the house. The Handel and Hayden Philharmonicmusicians took their places in front of the stage and began theoverture. It consisted of a medley of familiar airs. The audience was sowell pleased with what they heard that the musicians had to let themhave it again. Then the curtain went up and "Box and Cox, " a ratheroriginal version of the old farce, opened the show. It created somelaughter, but the people came there to be pleased, and they were. "OldBlack Joe" was sung, with an invisible chorus, and brought down thehouse. Daisey De Vere's coon song, with original business and grotesqueimitations, made another big hit. Signor Collenso's classic--and it waswell rendered--was tamely received, but when he treated his auditors to"Molly Bawn" and the "Boys of Kilkenny" they went into ecstasies. Thiswas followed by the appearance of the rising young lawyer, who paid aglowing tribute to Shakespeare, and then introduced _King Richard_ and_Richmond_ to fight it out to a finish on Bosworth field for England, home, and booty. It was certainly a most elaborately grotesque combat. The people in front liked it apparently, and goaded on the combatants toredoubled efforts, and when the tyrant king was knocked out three cheersand a tiger were given with a vengeance, and the curtain fell on thefirst part amid uproarious applause. 

There was intermission of fifteen minutes. On the reappearance of DaiseyDe Vere, when the curtain went up, she was accorded a greeting thatshowed she had won her way to the hearts of her audience. With herinterpretation of the onetime popular song, "Down in a Coal Mine, " shecompletely captured those present with her vocalization. She had torepeat the ballad that good old Tony Pastor made popular in days ofyore, when she had warmed up to her work, her "I'll tell you what I'lldo. If you'll all join me in the chorus, I'll give you two verses when Iget my second wind, " set them all laughing, and clinched the hold shehad already secured. The recitation of "Shamus O'Brien" seemed tame bycomparison. But when Myles O'Hara gave them a vigorous and athleticexhibition of the "Fox Hunter's Jig, " as Myles' father danced it in theGreen Isle long before the O'Haras ever dreamt of emigrating to the landof the West, the applause was once more renewed. Dinny Dempsey suppliedthe music on the Irish pipes, which was in itself a novelty so appealingthat he had to repeat, and Myles to dance, until both were fairly usedup. It was eleven o'clock and after when Handy and his company startedin for the wind-up, with their familiar old stand-by, "The Strollers'Medley. " What it was all about no one present could tell. Only there wasplenty of fun and merriment in it. There was a song, and a chorus nowand then, a bit of a dance occasionally, and Daisey De Vere did a fewgrotesque steps and Handy entertained them with a comic speech. All werein the best of humor and heartily enjoyed what they saw and heard. Joydanced with fun, and the crowd was indeed a merry, happy, and fantasticgathering. 

Before the curtain fell Big Ed McGowan came on the stage. His appearancewas the signal for a great outburst of cheers. When something like quietwas restored, he thanked the audience, on behalf of the company fortheir splendid manifestation of appreciation and grand attendance at thegreat entertainment. He then invited all hands present to join and sing"Should auld acquaintance be forgot?" It is needless to add that it wassung with a vigor, strength, and heartiness which still remains acheerful memory in Gotown. 

CHAPTER XXVI

 "Say not 'Good night, ' but in some brighter clime Bid me 'Good morning. '"

 --BARBAULD. 

In a small back room in McGowan's hospitable hostelry Handy, Weston, McGowan himself, the members of the company, and a few others weregathered for a little bite and a sup before the players returned toWeston. It was a convivial party--not noisy nor boisterous. Justcheerful, good-natured crowd. All were happy over the night's fun. Theyshowed it in their smiling faces and laughing eyes. Strange as it mayappear, the most thoughtful appearing one in the assemblage was theveteran himself. McGowan noticed his demeanor more quickly than any ofthe others, and by the way of cheering or bracing him up he rose fromhis chair and proposed for a standing toast the health, wealth andprosperity of their friend who afforded them the enjoyment they had thatnight, --"Our friend, Handy! May he live long and prosper. "

It was given with a hearty response. A speech was then called, when Handywith much reluctance rose and said:

"Friends--I take the liberty of calling you friends after the generoustreatment you have given me and my poor humble little companyto-night--we are only a troupe of strolling players trying to do the bestwe can to please you, to make you cheerful, to banish dull care from yourminds in your leisure hours, and make you laugh with happy hearts. No onewas ever hurt or harmed by an honest laugh. No time was ever wasted thatbrought with it, through the agency of song, music and acting, brighterthoughts and happier feelings. And, after all, that seems to me to be themission of the players. I am no speech-maker, my friends, I am speakingto you as the words come from my heart, and my heart is full and happyto-night. All the world, we are told, is a stage, a place where everyonemust play his part. And how true are those words both men and women know. I feel as if I had played many and many parts. I have had my ups anddowns; my joys and sorrows, and sometimes I have supped bitter in sorrow. But no matter, I presume we all have the same story to tell. I am notgoing to bother you with a recital of any of them. Let them pass, just asthe summer storm passes away when the sun peeps out from behind theclouds and lights up everything with its radiance and makes us allcheerful, contented and happy. Ah, boys! I have been many years on theroad, traveling over this broad land of ours. Aye! a poor player. I havegrown old in the line of making laughter for others and lending a hand tobring merriment to my aid. The frost of years is beginning to lay itsmark already on my once fiery locks, and the time is drawing near when Iwill have to make my final exit and quit work; and when a man stopsworking nature is finished with him, and when nature is through with himit is pretty near time to go. Well, so be it. In years long gone by Icame across a little poem which I carried about with me months andmonths, in the war campaign of the sixties, for, friends, I served mytime as a drummer boy with the old Army of the Potomac. Well, this is alittle gem, at least, I thought it so then. I think it so now. It waswritten by a woman. It is said it was the last she ever wrote. I read itand read it until I committed it to memory. 'Tis short, very short. Ifyou wish to hear it, I'll recite it for you now. Yes?

 "Life! we've been long together Through pleasant and through cloudy weather; 'Tis hard to part, when friends are dear, Perhaps 'twill cost a sigh, a tear. 

 "Then steal away--give little warning, Choose thine own time, Say not 'Good night, ' but in some brighter clime Bid me--'Good morning. '"

END