A MODEST PROPOSAL

For preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being aburden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial tothe publick. 

by Dr. Jonathan Swift

1729

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads andcabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger foran alms. These mothers instead of being able to work for their honestlivelihood, are forced to employ all their time in stroling to begsustenance for their helpless infants who, as they grow up, either turnthieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country, to fightfor the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes. 

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number ofchildren in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state ofthe kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoevercould find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these childrensound and useful members of the common-wealth, would deserve so well ofthe publick, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation. 

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for thechildren of professed beggars: it is of a much greater extent, and shalltake in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are born ofparents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demandour charity in the streets. 

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon thisimportant subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes ofour projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in theircomputation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam, may besupported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other nourishment:at most not above the value of two shillings, which the mother maycertainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation ofbegging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide forthem in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly tothe cloathing of many thousands. 

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it willprevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice ofwomen murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expencethan the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage andinhuman breast. 

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one millionand a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousandcouple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirtythousand couple, who are able to maintain their own children, (althoughI apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present distresses ofthe kingdom) but this being granted, there will remain an hundred andseventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand, for thosewomen who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease withinthe year. There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand children ofpoor parents annually born. The question therefore is, How this numbershall be reared, and provided for? which, as I have already said, underthe present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all themethods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraftor agriculture; we neither build houses, (I mean in the country) norcultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealingtill they arrive at six years old; except where they are of towardlyparts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier;during which time they can however be properly looked upon only asprobationers: As I have been informed by a principal gentleman in thecounty of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew above one ortwo instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom sorenowned for the quickest proficiency in that art. 

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve yearsold, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this age, theywill not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half a crownat most, on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to theparents or kingdom, the charge of nutriments and rags having been atleast four times that value. 

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope willnot be liable to the least objection. 

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance inLondon, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, amost delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in africasie, or a ragoust. 

I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of thehundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousandmay be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males;which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine, and myreason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, acircumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore, one male willbe sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousandmay, at a year old, be offered in sale to the persons of quality andfortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother to let themsuck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fatfor a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment forfriends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter willmake a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, willbe very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter. 

I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to 28pounds. 

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper forlandlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seemto have the best title to the children. 

Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentifulin March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a graveauthor, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolifick dyet, there are more children born in Roman Catholick countries about ninemonths after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, becausethe number of Popish infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lesseningthe number of Papists among us. 

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in whichlist I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers)to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe nogentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a goodfat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellentnutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or hisown family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a goodlandlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have eightshillings neat profit, and be fit for work till she produces anotherchild. 

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) mayflea the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will makeadmirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen. 

As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, inthe most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will notbe wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, anddressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs. 

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtuesI highly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on this matter, tooffer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that many gentlemen of thiskingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that thewant of venison might be well supply'd by the bodies of young lads andmaidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age, nor under twelve; so greata number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve forwant of work and service: And these to be disposed of by their parentsif alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with duedeference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, Icannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my Americanacquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their flesh wasgenerally tough and lean, like that of our school-boys, by continualexercise, and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would notanswer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, withhumble submission, be a loss to the publick, because they soon wouldbecome breeders themselves: And besides, it is not improbable that somescrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice, (althoughindeed very unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, Iconfess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against anyproject, how well soever intended. 

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed, that this expedientwas put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor, a native of the islandFormosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty years ago, and inconversation told my friend, that in his country, when any young personhappened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to personsof quality, as a prime dainty; and that, in his time, the body of aplump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison theEmperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, andother great mandarins of the court in joints from the gibbet, at fourhundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use weremade of several plump young girls in this town, who without one singlegroat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appearat a play-house and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never willpay for; the kingdom would not be the worse. 

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vastnumber of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed; and I havebeen desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to easethe nation of so grievous an incumbrance. But I am not in the least painupon that matter, because it is very well known, that they are every daydying, and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fastas can be reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers, theyare now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, andconsequently pine away from want of nourishment, to a degree, that ifat any time they are accidentally hired to common labour, they have notstrength to perform it, and thus the country and themselves are happilydelivered from the evils to come. 

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. Ithink the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious andmany, as well as of the highest importance. 

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen thenumber of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being the principalbreeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous enemies, and whostay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to thePretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many goodProtestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country, than stay athome and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate. 

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to a distress, and help to pay theirlandlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money athing unknown. 

Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance of an hundred thousand children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less thanten shillings a piece per annum, the nation's stock will be therebyencreased fifty thousand pounds per annum, besides the profit of anew dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in thekingdom, who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulateamong our selves, the goods being entirely of our own growth andmanufacture. 

Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillingssterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of thecharge of maintaining them after the first year. 

Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the bestreceipts for dressing it to perfection; and consequently have theirhouses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselvesupon their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful cook, who understandshow to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as theyplease. 

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wisenations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws andpenalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towardstheir children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to thepoor babes, provided in some sort by the publick, to their annual profitinstead of expence. We should soon see an honest emulation among themarried women, which of them could bring the fattest child to themarket. Men would become as fond of their wives, during the time oftheir pregnancy, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows incalf, or sow when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kickthem (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage. 

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the additionof some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel'd beef: thepropagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making goodbacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste ormagnificence to a well grown, fat yearly child, which roasted whole willmake a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's feast, or any other publickentertainment. But this, and many others, I omit, being studious ofbrevity. 

Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constantcustomers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merrymeetings, particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute thatDublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses; and therest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper)the remaining eighty thousand. 

I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised againstthis proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people willbe thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and 'twasindeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire thereader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individualKingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of otherexpedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of usingneither cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except what is of ourown growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials andinstruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness ofpride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a veinof parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love ourcountry, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitantsof Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting anylonger like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very momenttheir city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our countryand consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least onedegree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit ofhonesty, industry, and skill into our shop-keepers, who, if a resolutioncould now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately uniteto cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it. 

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the likeexpedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there willever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice. 

But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offeringvain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing ofsuccess, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is whollynew, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and littletrouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no dangerin disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bearexportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit along continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, whichwould be glad to eat up our whole nation without it. 

After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to rejectany offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall beadvanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desirethe author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, As things now stand, how they will be able to find food andraiment for a hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There being a round million of creatures in humane figure throughoutthis kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, wouldleave them in debt two million of pounds sterling, adding those who arebeggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourers, with their wives and children, who are beggars in effect; I desirethose politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so boldto attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of thesemortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happinessto have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, andthereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they havesince gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility ofpaying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, withneither house nor cloaths to cover them from the inclemencies of theweather, and the most inevitable prospect of intailing the like, orgreater miseries, upon their breed for ever. 

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the leastpersonal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, havingno other motive than the publick good of my country, by advancingour trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving somepleasure to the rich. I have no children, by which I can propose toget a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife pastchild-bearing.