A MAN OF BUSINESS BY HONORE DE BALZAC Translated by Clara Bell and others DEDICATION To Monsieur le Baron James de Rothschild, Banker and Austrian Consul-General at Paris. A MAN OF BUSINESS The word _lorette_ is a euphemism invented to describe the status of apersonage, or a personage of a status, of which it is awkward tospeak; the French Academie, in its modesty, having omitted to supply adefinition out of regard for the age of its forty members. Whenever anew word comes to supply the place of an unwieldy circumlocution, itsfortune is assured; the word _lorette_ has passed into the language ofevery class of society, even where the lorette herself will never gainan entrance. It was only invented in 1840, and derived beyond a doubtfrom the agglomeration of such swallows' nests about the Church of OurLady of Loretto. This information is for etymoligists only. Thosegentlemen would not be so often in a quandary if mediaeval writers hadonly taken such pains with details of contemporary manners as we takein these days of analysis and description. Mlle. Turquet, or Malaga, for she is better known by her pseudonym(See _La fausse Maitresse_. ), was one of the earliest parishioners ofthat charming church. At the time to which this story belongs, thatlighthearted and lively damsel gladdened the existence of a notarywith a wife somewhat too bigoted, rigid, and frigid for domestichappiness. Now, it so fell out that one Carnival evening Maitre Cardot wasentertaining guests at Mlle. Turquet's house--Desroches the attorney, Bixiou of the caricatures, Lousteau the journalist, Nathan, andothers; it is quite unnecessary to give any further description ofthese personages, all bearers of illustrious names in the _ComedieHumaine_. Young La Palferine, in spite of his title of Count and hisgreat descent, which, alas! means a great descent in fortune likewise, had honored the notary's little establishment with his presence. At dinner, in such a house, one does not expect to meet thepatriarchal beef, the skinny fowl and salad of domestic and familylife, nor is there any attempt at the hypocritical conversation ofdrawing-rooms furnished with highly respectable matrons. When, alas!will respectability be charming? When will the women in good societyvouchsafe to show rather less of their shoulders and rather more witor geniality? Marguerite Turquet, the Aspasia of the Cirque-Olympique, is one of those frank, very living personalities to whom all isforgiven, such unconscious sinners are they, such intelligentpenitents; of such as Malaga one might ask, like Cardot--a witty manenough, albeit a notary--to be well "deceived. " And yet you must notthink that any enormities were committed. Desroches and Cardot weregood fellows grown too gray in the profession not to feel at ease withBixiou, Lousteau, Nathan, and young La Palferine. And they on theirside had too often had recourse to their legal advisers, and knew themtoo well to try to "draw them out, " in lorette language. Conversation, perfumed with seven cigars, at first was as fantastic asa kid let loose, but finally it settled down upon the strategy of theconstant war waged in Paris between creditors and debtors. Now, if you will be so good as to recall the history and antecedentsof the guests, you will know that in all Paris, you could scarcelyfind a group of men with more experience in this matter; theprofessional men on one hand, and the artists on the other, weresomething in the position of magistrates and criminals hobnobbingtogether. A set of Bixiou's drawings to illustrate life in thedebtors' prison, led the conversation to take this particular turn;and from debtors' prisons they went to debts. It was midnight. They had broken up into little knots round the tableand before the fire, and gave themselves up to the burlesque fun whichis only possible or comprehensible in Paris and in that particularregion which is bounded by the Faubourg Montmartre, the Rue Chausseed'Antin, the upper end of the Rue de Navarin and the line of theboulevards. In ten minutes' time they had come to an end of all the deepreflections, all the moralizings, small and great, all the bad punsmade on a subject already exhausted by Rabelais three hundred andfifty years ago. It was not a little to their credit that thepyrotechnic display was cut short with a final squib from Malaga. "It all goes to the shoemakers, " she said. "I left a milliner becauseshe failed twice with my hats. The vixen has been here twenty-seventimes to ask for twenty francs. She did not know that we never havetwenty francs. One has a thousand francs, or one sends to one's notaryfor five hundred; but twenty francs I have never had in my life. Mycook and my maid may, perhaps, have so much between them; but for myown part, I have nothing but credit, and I should lose that if I tookto borrowing small sums. If I were to ask for twenty francs, I shouldhave nothing to distinguish me from my colleagues that walk theboulevard. " "Is the milliner paid?" asked La Palferine. "Oh, come now, are you turning stupid?" said she, with a wink. "Shecame this morning for the twenty-seventh time, that is how I came tomention it. " "What did you do?" asked Desroches. "I took pity upon her, and--ordered a little hat that I have justinvented, a quite new shape. If Mlle. Amanda succeeds with it, shewill say no more about the money, her fortune is made. " "In my opinion, " put in Desroches, "the finest things that I have seenin a duel of this kind give those who know Paris a far better pictureof the city than all the fancy portraits that they paint. Some of youthink that you know a thing or two, " he continued, glancing round atNathan, Bixiou, La Palferine, and Lousteau, "but the king of theground is a certain Count, now busy ranging himself. In his time, hewas supposed to be the cleverest, adroitest, canniest, boldest, stoutest, most subtle and experienced of all the pirates, who, equipped with fine manners, yellow kid gloves, and cabs, have eversailed or ever will sail upon the stormy seas of Paris. He fearsneither God nor man. He applies in private life the principles thatguide the English Cabinet. Up to the time of his marriage, his lifewas one continual war, like--Lousteau's, for instance. I was, and amstill his solicitor. " "And the first letter of his name is Maxime de Trailles, " said LaPalferine. "For that matter, he has paid every one, and injured no one, "continued Desroches. "But as your friend Bixiou was saying just now, it is a violation of the liberty of the subject to be made to pay inMarch when you have no mind to pay till October. By virtue of thisarticle of his particular code, Maxime regarded a creditor's schemefor making him pay at once as a swindler's trick. It was a long timesince he had grasped the significance of the bill of exchange in allits bearings, direct and remote. A young man once, in my place, calleda bill of exchange the 'asses' bridge' in his hearing. 'No, ' said he, 'it is the Bridge of Sighs; it is the shortest way to an execution. 'Indeed, his knowledge of commercial law was so complete, that aprofessional could not have taught him anything. At that time he hadnothing, as you know. His carriage and horses were jobbed; he lived inhis valet's house; and, by the way, he will be a hero to his valet tothe end of the chapter, even after the marriage that he proposes tomake. He belonged to three clubs, and dined at one of them whenever hedid not dine out. As a rule, he was to be found very seldom at his ownaddress--" "He once said to me, " interrupted La Palferine, "'My one affectationis the pretence that I make of living in the Rue Pigalle. '" "Well, " resumed Desroches, "he was one of the combatants; and now forthe other. You have heard more or less talk of one Claparon?" "Had hair like this!" cried Bixiou, ruffling his locks till they stoodon end. Gifted with the same talent for mimicking absurdities whichChopin the pianist possesses to so high a degree, he proceededforthwith to represent the character with startling truth. "He rolls his head like this when he speaks; he was once a commercialtraveler; he has been all sorts of things--" "Well, he was born to travel, for at this minute, as I speak, he is onthe sea on his way to America, " said Desroches. "It is his onlychance, for in all probability he will be condemned by default as afraudulent bankrupt next session. " "Very much at sea!" exclaimed Malaga. "For six or seven years this Claparon acted as man of straw, cat'spaw, and scapegoat to two friends of ours, du Tillet and Nucingen; butin 1829 his part was so well known that--" "Our friends dropped him, " put in Bixiou. "They left him to his fate at last, and he wallowed in the mire, "continued Desroches. "In 1833 he went into partnership with oneCerizet--" "What! he that promoted a joint-stock company so nicely that the SixthChamber cut short his career with a couple of years in jail?" askedthe lorette. "The same. Under the Restoration, between 1823 and 1827, Cerizet'soccupation consisted in first putting his name intrepidly to variousparagraphs, on which the public prosecutor fastened with avidity, andsubsequently marching off to prison. A man could make a name forhimself with small expense in those days. The Liberal party calledtheir provincial champion 'the courageous Cerizet, ' and towards 1828so much zeal received its reward in 'general interest. ' "'General interest' is a kind of civic crown bestowed on thedeserving by the daily press. Cerizet tried to discount the 'generalinterest' taken in him. He came to Paris, and, with some help fromcapitalists in the Opposition, started as a broker, and conductedfinancial operations to some extent, the capital being found by a manin hiding, a skilful gambler who overreached himself, and inconsequence, in July 1830, his capital foundered in the shipwreck ofthe Government. " "Oh! it was he whom we used to call the System, " cried Bixiou. "Say no harm of him, poor fellow, " protested Malaga. "D'Estourny was agood sort. " "You can imagine the part that a ruined man was sure to play in 1830when his name in politics was 'the courageous Cerizet. " He was sentoff into a very snug little sub-prefecture. Unluckily for him, it isone thing to be in opposition--any missile is good enough to throw, solong as the flight lasts; but quite another to be in office. Threemonths later, he was obliged to send in his resignation. Had he nottaken it into his head to attempt to win popularity? Still, as he haddone nothing as yet to imperil his title of 'courageous Cerizet, ' theGovernment proposed by way of compensation that he should manage anewspaper; nominally an Opposition newspaper, but Ministerialist _inpetto_. So the fall of this noble nature was really due to theGovernment. To Cerizet, as manager of the paper, it was rather tooevident that he was as a bird perched on a rotten bough; and then itwas that he promoted that nice little joint-stock company, and therebysecured a couple of years in prison; he was caught, while moreingenious swindlers succeeded in catching the public. " "We are acquainted with the more ingenious, " said Bixiou; "let us sayno ill of the poor fellow; he was nabbed; Couture allowed them tosqueeze his cash-box; who would ever have thought it of him?" "At all events, Cerizet was a low sort of fellow, a good deal damagedby low debauchery. Now for the duel I spoke about. Never did twotradesmen of the worst type, with the worst manners, the lowest pairof villains imaginable, go into partnership in a dirtier business. Their stock-in-trade consisted of the peculiar idiom of the man abouttown, the audacity of poverty, the cunning that comes of experience, and a special knowledge of Parisian capitalists, their origin, connections, acquaintances, and intrinsic value. This partnership oftwo 'dabblers' (let the Stock Exchange term pass, for it is the onlyword which describes them), this partnership of dabblers did not lastvery long. They fought like famished curs over every bit of garbage. "The earlier speculations of the firm of Cerizet and Claparon were, however, well planned. The two scamps joined forces with Barbet, Chaboisseau, Samanon, and usurers of that stamp, and bought uphopelessly bad debts. "Claparon's place of business at that time was a cramped entresol inthe Rue Chabannais--five rooms at a rent of seven hundred francs atmost. Each partner slept in a little closet, so carefully closed fromprudence, that my head-clerk could never get inside. The furniture ofthe other three rooms--an ante-chamber, a waiting-room, and a privateoffice--would not have fetched three hundred francs altogether at adistress-warrant sale. You know enough of Paris to know the look ofit; the stuffed horsehair-covered chairs, a table covered with a greencloth, a trumpery clock between a couple of candle sconces, growingtarnished under glass shades, the small gilt-framed mirror over thechimney-piece, and in the grate a charred stick or two of firewoodwhich had lasted them for two winters, as my head-clerk put it. As forthe office, you can guess what it was like--more letter-files thanbusiness letters, a set of common pigeon-holes for either partner, acylinder desk, empty as the cash-box, in the middle of the room, and acouple of armchairs on either side of a coal fire. The carpet on thefloor was bought cheap at second-hand (like the bills and bad debts). In short, it was the mahogany furniture of furnished apartments whichusually descends from one occupant of chambers to another during fiftyyears of service. Now you know the pair of antagonists. "During the first three months of a partnership dissolved four monthslater in a bout of fisticuffs, Cerizet and Claparon bought up twothousand francs' worth of bills bearing Maxime's signature (sinceMaxime was his name), and filled a couple of letters to bursting withjudgments, appeals, orders of the court, distress-warrants, application for stay of proceedings, and all the rest of it; to put itbriefly, they had bills for three thousand two hundred francs oddcentimes, for which they had given five hundred francs; the transferbeing made under private seal, with special power of attorney, to savethe expense of registration. Now it so happened at this juncture, Maxime, being of ripe age, was seized with one of the fancies peculiarto the man of fifty--" "Antonia!" exclaimed La Palferine. "That Antonia whose fortune I madeby writing to ask for a toothbrush!" "Her real name is Chocardelle, " said Malaga, not over well pleased bythe fine-sounding pseudonym. "The same, " continued Desroches. "It was the only mistake Maxime ever made in his life. But what wouldyou have, no vice is absolutely perfect?" put in Bixiou. "Maxime had still to learn what sort of a life a man may be led intoby a girl of eighteen when she is minded to take a header from herhonest garret into a sumptuous carriage; it is a lesson that allstatesmen should take to heart. At this time, de Marsay had just beenemploying his friend, our friend de Trailles, in the high comedy ofpolitics. Maxime had looked high for his conquests; he had noexperience of untitled women; and at fifty years he felt that he had aright to take a bite of the so-called wild fruit, much as a sportsmanwill halt under a peasant's apple-tree. So the Count found areading-room for Mlle. Chocardelle, a rather smart little place to behad cheap, as usual--" "Pooh!" said Nathan. "She did not stay in it six months. She was toohandsome to keep a reading-room. " "Perhaps you are the father of her child?" suggested the lorette. Desroches resumed. "Since the firm bought up Maxime's debts, Cerizet's likeness to abailiff's officer grew more and more striking, and one morning afterseven fruitless attempts he succeeded in penetrating into the Count'spresence. Suzon, the old man-servant, albeit he was by no means in hisnovitiate, at last mistook the visitor for a petitioner, come topropose a thousand crowns if Maxime would obtain a license to sellpostage stamps for a young lady. Suzon, without the slightestsuspicion of the little scamp, a thoroughbred Paris street-boy intowhom prudence had been rubbed by repeated personal experience of thepolice-courts, induced his master to receive him. Can you see the manof business, with an uneasy eye, a bald forehead, and scarcely anyhair on his head, standing in his threadbare jacket and muddy boots--" "What a picture of a Dun!" cried Lousteau. "--standing before the Count, that image of flaunting Debt, in hisblue flannel dressing-gown, slippers worked by some Marquise or other, trousers of white woolen stuff, and a dazzling shirt? There he stood, with a gorgeous cap on his black dyed hair, playing with the tasselsat his waist--" "'Tis a bit of genre for anybody who knows what the pretty littlemorning room, hung with silk and full of valuable paintings, whereMaxime breakfasts, " said Nathan. "You tread on a Smyrna carpet, youadmire the sideboards filled with curiosities and rarities fit to makea King of Saxony envious--" "Now for the scene itself, " said Desroches, and the deepest silencefollowed. "'Monsieur le Comte, ' began Cerizet, 'I have come from a M. CharlesClaparon, who used to be a banker--' "'Ah! poor devil, and what does he want with me?' "'Well, he is at present your creditor for a matter of three thousandtwo hundred francs, seventy-five centimes, principal, interest, andcosts--' "'Coutelier's business?' put in Maxime, who knew his affairs as apilot knows his coast. "'Yes, Monsieur le Comte, ' said Cerizet with a bow. 'I have come toask your intentions. ' "'I shall only pay when the fancy takes me, ' returned Maxime, and herang for Suzon. 'It was very rash of Claparon to buy up bills of minewithout speaking to me beforehand. I am sorry for him, for he did sovery well for such a long time as a man of straw for friends of mine. I always said that a man must really be weak in his intellect to workfor men that stuff themselves with millions, and to serve them sofaithfully for such low wages. And now here he gives me another proofof his stupidity! Yes, men deserve what they get. It is your own doingwhether you get a crown on your forehead or a bullet through yourhead; whether you are a millionaire or a porter, justice is alwaysdone you. I cannot help it, my dear fellow; I myself am not a king, Istick to my principles. I have no pity for those that put me toexpense or do not know their business as creditors. --Suzon! my tea! Doyou see this gentleman?' he continued when the man came in. 'Well, youhave allowed yourself to be taken in, poor old boy. This gentleman isa creditor; you ought to have known him by his boots. No friend norfoe of mine, nor those that are neither and want something of me, cometo see me on foot. --My dear M. Cerizet, do you understand? You willnot wipe your boots on my carpet again' (looking as he spoke at themud that whitened the enemy's soles). 'Convey my compliments andsympathy to Claparon, poor buffer, for I shall file this businessunder the letter Z. ' "All this with an easy good-humor fit to give a virtuous citizen thecolic. "'You are wrong, Monsieur le Comte, ' retorted Cerizet, in a slightlyperemptory tone. 'We will be paid in full, and that in a way which youmay not like. That is why I came to you first in a friendly spirit, asis right and fit between gentlemen--' "'Oh! so that is how you understand it?' began Maxime, enraged bythis last piece of presumption. There was something of Talleyrand'swit in the insolent retort, if you have quite grasped the contrastbetween the two men and their costumes. Maxime scowled and looked fullat the intruder; Cerizet not merely endured the glare of cold fury, but even returned it, with an icy, cat-like malignance and fixity ofgaze. "'Very good, sir, go out--' "'Very well, good-day, Monsieur le Comte. We shall be quits beforesix months are out. ' "'If you can steal the amount of your bill, which is legally due Iown, I shall be indebted to you, sir, ' replied Maxime. 'You will havetaught me a new precaution to take. I am very much your servant. ' "'Monsieur le Comte, ' said Cerizet, 'it is I, on the contrary, who amyours. ' "Here was an explicit, forcible, confident declaration on either side. A couple of tigers confabulating, with the prey before them, and afight impending, would have been no finer and no shrewder than thispair; the insolent fine gentleman as great a blackguard as the otherin his soiled and mud-stained clothes. "Which will you lay your money on?" asked Desroches, looking round atan audience, surprised to find how deeply it was interested. "A pretty story!" cried Malaga. "My dear boy, go on, I beg of you. This goes to one's heart. " "Nothing commonplace could happen between two fighting-cocks of thatcalibre, " added La Palferine. "Pooh!" cried Malaga. "I will wager my cabinet-maker's invoice (thefellow is dunning me) that the little toad was too many for Maxime. " "I bet on Maxime, " said Cardot. "Nobody ever caught him napping. " Desroches drank off a glass that Malaga handed to him. "Mlle. Chocardelle's reading-room, " he continued, after a pause, "wasin the Rue Coquenard, just a step or two from the Rue Pigalle whereMaxime was living. The said Mlle. Chocardelle lived at the back on thegarden side of the house, beyond a big dark place where the books werekept. Antonia left her aunt to look after the business--" "Had she an aunt even then?" exclaimed Malaga. "Hang it all, Maximedid things handsomely. " "Alas! it was a real aunt, " said Desroches; "her name was--let mesee----" "Ida Bonamy, " said Bixiou. "So as Antonia's aunt took a good deal of the work off her hands, shewent to bed late and lay late of a morning, never showing her face atthe desk until the afternoon, some time between two and four. From thevery first her appearance was enough to draw custom. Several elderlymen in the quarter used to come, among them a retired coach-builder, one Croizeau. Beholding this miracle of female loveliness through thewindow-panes, he took it into his head to read the newspapers in thebeauty's reading-room; and a sometime custom-house officer, namedDenisart, with a ribbon in his button-hole, followed the example. Croizeau chose to look upon Denisart as a rival. '_Monsieur_, ' he saidafterwards, 'I did not know what to buy for you!' "That speech should give you an idea of the man. The Sieur Croizeauhappens to belong to a particular class of old man which should beknown as 'Coquerels' since Henri Monnier's time; so well did Monnierrender the piping voice, the little mannerisms, little queue, littlesprinkling of powder, little movements of the head, prim littlemanner, and tripping gait in the part of Coquerel in _La FamilleImprovisee_. This Croizeau used to hand over his halfpence with aflourish and a 'There, fair lady!' "Mme. Ida Bonamy the aunt was not long in finding out through aservant that Croizeau, by popular report of the neighborhood of theRue de Buffault, where he lived, was a man of exceeding stinginess, possessed of forty thousand francs per annum. A week after theinstalment of the charming librarian he was delivered of a pun: "'You lend me books (livres), but I give you plenty of francs inreturn, ' said he. "A few days later he put on a knowing little air, as much as to say, 'I know you are engaged, but my turn will come one day; I am awidower. ' "He always came arrayed in fine linen, a cornflower blue coat, apaduasoy waistcoat, black trousers, and black ribbon bows on thedouble soled shoes that creaked like an abbe's; he always held afourteen franc silk hat in his hand. "'I am old and I have no children, ' he took occasion to confide tothe young lady some few days after Cerizet's visit to Maxime. 'I holdmy relations in horror. They are peasants born to work in the fields. Just imagine it, I came up from the country with six francs in mypocket, and made my fortune here. I am not proud. A pretty woman is myequal. Now would it not be nicer to be Mme. Croizeau for some years tocome than to do a Count's pleasure for a twelvemonth? He will go offand leave you some time or other; and when that day comes, you willthink of me . . . Your servant, my pretty lady!' "All this was simmering below the surface. The slightest approach atlove-making was made quite on the sly. Not a soul suspected that thetrim little old fogy was smitten with Antonia; and so prudent was theelderly lover, that no rival could have guessed anything from hisbehavior in the reading-room. For a couple of months Croizeau watchedthe retired custom-house official; but before the third month was outhe had good reason to believe that his suspicions were groundless. Heexerted his ingenuity to scrape an acquaintance with Denisart, came upwith him in the street, and at length seized his opportunity toremark, 'It is a fine day, sir!' "Whereupon the retired official responded with, 'Austerlitz weather, sir. I was there myself--I was wounded indeed, I won my Cross on thatglorious day. ' "And so from one thing to another the two drifted wrecks of the Empirestruck up an acquaintance. Little Croizeau was attached to the Empirethrough his connection with Napoleon's sisters. He had been theircoach-builder, and had frequently dunned them for money; so he gaveout that he 'had had relations with the Imperial family. ' Maxime, dulyinformed by Antonia of the 'nice old man's' proposals (for so the auntcalled Croizeau), wished to see him. Cerizet's declaration of war hadso far taken effect that he of the yellow kid gloves was studying theposition of every piece, however insignificant, upon the board; and itso happened that at the mention of that 'nice old man, ' an ominoustinkling sounded in his ears. One evening, therefore, Maxime seatedhimself among the book-shelves in the dimly lighted back room, reconnoitred the seven or eight customers through the chink betweenthe green curtains, and took the little coach-builder's measure. Hegauged the man's infatuation, and was very well satisfied to find thatthe varnished doors of a tolerably sumptuous future were ready to turnat a word from Antonia so soon as his own fancy had passed off. "'And that other one yonder?' asked he, pointing out the stoutfine-looking elderly man with the Cross of the Legion of Honor. 'Whois he?' "'A retired custom-house officer. ' "'The cut of his countenance is not reassuring, ' said Maxime, beholding the Sieur Denisart. "And indeed the old soldier held himself upright as a steeple. Hishead was remarkable for the amount of powder and pomatum bestowed uponit; he looked almost like a postilion at a fancy ball. Underneath thatfelted covering, moulded to the top of the wearer's cranium, appearedan elderly profile, half-official, half-soldierly, with a comicaladmixture of arrogance, --altogether something like caricatures of the_Constitutionnel_. The sometime official finding that age, andhair-powder, and the conformation of his spine made it impossible toread a word without spectacles, sat displaying a very creditableexpanse of chest with all the pride of an old man with a mistress. Likeold General Montcornet, that pillar of the Vaudeville, he wore earrings. Denisart was partial to blue; his roomy trousers and well-worngreatcoat were both of blue cloth. "'How long is it since that old fogy came here?' inquired Maxime, thinking that he saw danger in the spectacles. "'Oh, from the beginning, ' returned Antonia, 'pretty nearly twomonths ago now. ' "'Good, " said Maxime to himself, 'Cerizet only came to me a monthago. --Just get him to talk, ' he added in Antonia's ear; 'I want tohear his voice. ' "'Pshaw, ' said she, 'that is not so easy. He never says a word tome. ' "'Then why does he come here?' demanded Maxime. "'For a queer reason, ' returned the fair Antonia. 'In the firstplace, although he is sixty-nine, he has a fancy; and because he issixty-nine, he is as methodical as a clock face. Every day at fiveo'clock the old gentleman goes to dine with _her_ in the Rue de laVictoire. (I am sorry for her. ) Then at six o'clock, he comes here, reads steadily at the papers for four hours, and goes back at teno'clock. Daddy Croizeau says that he knows M. Denisart's motives, andapproves his conduct; and in his place, he would do the same. So Iknow exactly what to expect. If ever I am Mme. Croizeau, I shall havefour hours to myself between six and ten o'clock. ' "Maxime looked through the directory, and found the followingreassuring item: "DENISART, * retired custom-house officer, Rue de la Victoire. "His uneasiness vanished. "Gradually the Sieur Denisart and the Sieur Croizeau began to exchangeconfidences. Nothing so binds two men together as a similarity ofviews in the matter of womankind. Daddy Croizeau went to dine with 'M. Denisart's fair lady, ' as he called her. And here I must make asomewhat important observation. "The reading-room had been paid for half in cash, half in bills signedby the said Mlle. Chocardelle. The _quart d'heure de Rabelais_arrived; the Count had no money. So the first bill of three thousandfrancs was met by the amiable coach-builder; that old scoundrelDenisart having recommended him to secure himself with a mortgage onthe reading-room. "'For my own part, ' said Denisart, 'I have seen pretty doings frompretty women. So in all cases, even when I have lost my head, I amalways on my guard with a woman. There is this creature, for instance;I am madly in love with her; but this is not her furniture; no, itbelongs to me. The lease is taken out in my name. ' "You know Maxime! He thought the coach-builder uncommonly green. Croizeau might pay all three bills, and get nothing for a long while;for Maxime felt more infatuated with Antonia than ever. " "I can well believe it, " said La Palferine. "She is the _bellaImperia_ of our day. " "With her rough skin!" exclaimed Malaga; "so rough, that she ruinsherself in bran baths!" "Croizeau spoke with a coach-builder's admiration of the sumptuousfurniture provided by the amorous Denisart as a setting for his fairone, describing it all in detail with diabolical complacency forAntonia's benefit, " continued Desroches. "The ebony chests inlaid withmother-of-pearl and gold wire, the Brussels carpets, a mediaevalbedstead worth three thousand francs, a Boule clock, candelabra in thefour corners of the dining-room, silk curtains, on which Chinesepatience had wrought pictures of birds, and hangings over the doors, worth more than the portress that opened them. "'And that is what _you_ ought to have, my pretty lady. --And that iswhat I should like to offer you, ' he would conclude. 'I am quite awarethat you scarcely care a bit about me; but, at my age, we cannotexpect too much. Judge how much I love you; I have lent you a thousandfrancs. I must confess that, in all my born days, I have not lentanybody _that_ much----' "He held out his penny as he spoke, with the important air of a manthat gives a learned demonstration. "That evening at the Varietes, Antonia spoke to the Count. "'A reading-room is very dull, all the same, ' said she; 'I feel thatI have no sort of taste for that kind of life, and I see no future init. It is only fit for a widow that wishes to keep body and soultogether, or for some hideously ugly thing that fancies she can catcha husband with a little finery. ' "'It was your own choice, ' returned the Count. Just at that moment, in came Nucingen, of whom Maxime, king of lions (the 'yellow kidgloves' were the lions of that day) had won three thousand francs theevening before. Nucingen had come to pay his gaming debt. "'Ein writ of attachment haf shoost peen served on me by der order ofdot teufel Glabaron, ' he said, seeing Maxime's astonishment. "'Oh, so that is how they are going to work, is it?' cried Maxime. 'They are not up to much, that pair--' "'It makes not, ' said the banker, 'bay dem, for dey may applydemselfs to oders pesides, und do you harm. I dake dees bretty vomanto vitness dot I haf baid you dees morning, long pefore dat writ vasserfed. '" "Queen of the boards, " smiled La Palferine, looking at Malaga, "thouart about to lose thy bet. " "Once, a long time ago, in a similar case, " resumed Desroches, "a toohonest debtor took fright at the idea of a solemn declaration in acourt of law, and declined to pay Maxime after notice was given. Thattime we made it hot for the creditor by piling on writs of attachment, so as to absorb the whole amount in costs--" "Oh, what is that?" cried Malaga; "it all sounds like gibberish to me. As you thought the sturgeon so excellent at dinner, let me take outthe value of the sauce in lessons in chicanery. " "Very well, " said Desroches. "Suppose that a man owes you money, andyour creditors serve a writ of attachment upon him; there is nothingto prevent all your other creditors from doing the same thing. And nowwhat does the court do when all the creditors make application fororders to pay? _The court divides the whole sum attached, proportionately among them all. _ That division, made under the eye ofa magistrate, is what we call a _contribution_. If you owe tenthousand francs, and your creditors issue writs of attachment on adebt due to you of a thousand francs, each one of them gets so muchper cent, 'so much in the pound, ' in legal phrase; so much (thatmeans) in proportion to the amounts severally claimed by thecreditors. But--the creditors cannot touch the money without a specialorder from the clerk of the court. Do you guess what all this workdrawn up by a judge and prepared by attorneys must mean? It means aquantity of stamped paper full of diffuse lines and blanks, thefigures almost lost in vast spaces of completely empty ruled columns. The first proceeding is to deduct the costs. Now, as the costs areprecisely the same whether the amount attached is one thousand or onemillion francs, it is not difficult to eat up three thousand francs(for instance) in costs, especially if you can manage to raise counterapplications. " "And an attorney always manages to do it, " said Cardot. "How many atime one of you has come to me with, 'What is there to be got out ofthe case?'" "It is particularly easy to manage it if the debtor eggs you on to runup costs till they eat up the amount. And, as a rule, the Count'screditors took nothing by that move, and were out of pocket in law andpersonal expenses. To get money out of so experienced a debtor as theCount, a creditor should really be in a position uncommonly difficultto reach; it is a question of being creditor and debtor both, for thenyou are legally entitled to work the confusion of rights, in lawlanguage--" "To the confusion of the debtor?" asked Malaga, lending an attentiveear to this discourse. "No, the confusion of rights of debtor and creditor, and pay yourselfthrough your own hands. So Claparon's innocence in merely issuingwrits of attachment eased the Count's mind. As he came back from theVarietes with Antonia, he was so much the more taken with the idea ofselling the reading-room to pay off the last two thousand francs ofthe purchase-money, because he did not care to have his name madepublic as a partner in such a concern. So he adopted Antonia's plan. Antonia wished to reach the higher ranks of her calling, with splendidrooms, a maid, and a carriage; in short, she wanted to rival ourcharming hostess, for instance--" "She was not woman enough for that, " cried the famous beauty of theCircus; "still, she ruined young d'Esgrignon very neatly. " "Ten days afterwards, little Croizeau, perched on his dignity, saidalmost exactly the same thing, for the fair Antonia's benefit, "continued Desroches. "'Child, ' said he, 'your reading-room is a hole of a place. You willlose your complexion; the gas will ruin your eyesight. You ought tocome out of it; and, look here, let us take advantage of anopportunity. I have found a young lady for you that asks no betterthan to buy your reading-room. She is a ruined woman with nothingbefore her but a plunge into the river; but she had four thousandfrancs in cash, and the best thing to do is to turn them to account, so as to feed and educate a couple of children. ' "'Very well. It is kind of you, Daddy Croizeau, ' said Antonia. "'Oh, I shall be much kinder before I have done. Just imagine it, poor M. Denisart has been worried into the jaundice! Yes, it has goneto the liver, as it usually does with susceptible old men. It is apity he feels things so. I told him so myself; I said, "Be passionate, there is no harm in that, but as for taking things to heart--draw theline at that! It is the way to kill yourself. "--Really, I would nothave expected him to take on so about it; a man that has sense enoughand experience enough to keep away as he does while he digests hisdinner--' "'But what is the matter?' inquired Mlle. Chocardelle. "'That little baggage with whom I dined has cleared out and left him!. . . Yes. Gave him the slip without any warning but a letter, inwhich the spelling was all to seek. ' "'There, Daddy Croizeau, you see what comes of boring a woman--' "'It is indeed a lesson, my pretty lady, ' said the guileful Croizeau. 'Meanwhile, I have never seen a man in such a state. Our friendDenisart cannot tell his left hand from his right; he will not go backto look at the "scene of his happiness, " as he calls it. He has sothoroughly lost his wits, that he proposes that I should buy allHortense's furniture (Hortense was her name) for four thousandfrancs. ' "'A pretty name, ' said Antonia. "'Yes. Napoleon's stepdaughter was called Hortense. I built carriagesfor her, as you know. ' "'Very well, I will see, ' said cunning Antonia; 'begin by sendingthis young woman to me. ' "Antonia hurried off to see the furniture, and came back fascinated. She brought Maxime under the spell of antiquarian enthusiasm. Thatvery evening the Count agreed to the sale of the reading-room. Theestablishment, you see, nominally belonged to Mlle. Chocardelle. Maxime burst out laughing at the idea of little Croizeau's finding hima buyer. The firm of Maxime and Chocardelle was losing two thousandfrancs, it is true, but what was the loss compared with four gloriousthousand-franc notes in hand? 'Four thousand francs of live coin!--there are moments in one's life when one would sign bills for eightthousand to get them, ' as the Count said to me. "Two days later the Count must see the furniture himself, and took thefour thousand francs upon him. The sale had been arranged; thanks tolittle Croizeau's diligence, he pushed matters on; he had 'come round'the widow, as he expressed it. It was Maxime's intention to have allthe furniture removed at once to a lodging in a new house in the RueTronchet, taken in the name of Mme. Ida Bonamy; he did not troublehimself much about the nice old man that was about to lose histhousand francs. But he had sent beforehand for several big furniturevans. "Once again he was fascinated by the beautiful furniture which awholesale dealer would have valued at six thousand francs. By thefireside sat the wretched owner, yellow with jaundice, his head tiedup in a couple of printed handkerchiefs, and a cotton night-cap on topof them; he was huddled up in wrappings like a chandelier, exhausted, unable to speak, and altogether so knocked to pieces that the Countwas obliged to transact his business with the man-servant. When he hadpaid down the four thousand francs, and the servant had taken themoney to his master for a receipt, Maxime turned to tell the man tocall up the vans to the door; but even as he spoke, a voice like arattle sounded in his ears. "'It is not worth while, Monsieur le Comte. You and I are quits; Ihave six hundred and thirty francs fifteen centimes to give you!' "To his utter consternation, he saw Cerizet, emerged from hiswrappings like a butterfly from the chrysalis, holding out theaccursed bundle of documents. "'When I was down on my luck, I learned to act on the stage, ' addedCerizet. 'I am as good as Bouffe at old men. ' "'I have fallen among thieves!' shouted Maxime. "'No, Monsieur le Comte, you are in Mlle. Hortense's house. She is afriend of old Lord Dudley's; he keeps her hidden away here; but shehas the bad taste to like your humble servant. ' "'If ever I longed to kill a man, ' so the Count told me afterwards, 'it was at that moment; but what could one do? Hortense showed herpretty face, one had to laugh. To keep my dignity, I flung her the sixhundred francs. "There's for the girl, " said I. '" "That is Maxime all over!" cried La Palferine. "More especially as it was little Croizeau's money, " added Cardot theprofound. "Maxime scored a triumph, " continued Desroches, "for Hortenseexclaimed, 'Oh, if I had only known that it was you!'" "A pretty 'confusion' indeed!" put in Malaga. "You have lost, milord, "she added turning to the notary. And in this way the cabinetmaker, to whom Malaga owed a hundredcrowns, was paid. PARIS, 1845. ADDENDUM The following personages appear in other stories of the Human Comedy. Barbet A Distinguished Provincial at Paris The Seamy Side of History The Middle Classes Bixiou, Jean-Jacques The Purse A Bachelor's Establishment The Government Clerks Modeste Mignon Scenes from a Courtesan's Life The Firm of Nucingen The Muse of the Department Cousin Betty The Member for Arcis Beatrix Gaudissart II. The Unconscious Humorists Cousin Pons Cardot (Parisian notary) The Muse of the Department Jealousies of a Country Town Pierre Grassou The Middle Classes Cousin Pons Cerizet Lost Illusions Scenes from a Courtesan's Life The Middle Classes Chaboisseau A Distinguished Provincial at Paris The Government Clerks Chocardelle, Mademoiselle Beatrix A Prince of Bohemia Cousin Betty The Member for Arcis Claparon, Charles A Bachelor's Establishment Cesar Birotteau Melmoth Reconciled The Firm of Nucingen The Middle Classes Desroches (son) A Bachelor's Establishment Colonel Chabert A Start in Life A Woman of Thirty The Commission in Lunacy The Government Clerks A Distinguished Provincial at Paris Scenes from a Courtesan's Life The Firm of Nucingen The Middle Classes Dudley, Lord The Lily of the Valley The Thirteen Another Study of Woman A Daughter of Eve Esgrignon, Victurnien, Comte (then Marquis d') Jealousies of a Country Town Letters of Two Brides The Secrets of a Princess Cousin Betty Estourny, Charles d' Modeste Mignon Scenes from a Courtesan's Life Hortense The Member for Arcis La Palferine, Comte de A Prince of Bohemia Cousin Betty Beatrix The Imaginary Mistress Lousteau, Etienne A Distinguished Provincial at Paris A Bachelor's Establishment Scenes from a Courtesan's Life A Daughter of Eve Beatrix The Muse of the Department Cousin Betty A Prince of Bohemia The Middle Classes The Unconscious Humorists Montcornet, Marechal, Comte de Domestic Peace Lost Illusions A Distinguished Provincial at Paris Scenes from a Courtesan's Life The Peasantry Cousin Betty Nathan, Raoul Lost Illusions A Distinguished Provincial at Paris Scenes from a Courtesan's Life The Secrets of a Princess A Daughter of Eve Letters of Two Brides The Seamy Side of History The Muse of the Department A Prince of Bohemia The Unconscious Humorists Nucingen, Baron Frederic de The Firm of Nucingen Father Goriot Pierrette Cesar Birotteau Lost Illusions A Distinguished Provincial at Paris Scenes from a Courtesan's Life Another Study of Woman The Secrets of a Princess Cousin Betty The Muse of the Department The Unconscious Humorists Samanon A Distinguished Provincial at Paris The Government Clerks Cousin Betty Trailles, Comte Maxime de Cesar Birotteau Father Goriot Gobseck Ursule Mirouet The Member for Arcis The Secrets of a Princess Cousin Betty Beatrix The Unconscious Humorists Turquet, Marguerite The Imaginary Mistress The Muse of the Department Cousin Betty