[Illustration: Cover Art]

[Frontispiece: S. G. Bayne]

A FANTASY OF

MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL

BY

S. G. BAYNE

AUTHOR OF

 "QUICKSTEPS THROUGH SCANDINAVIA" "ON AN IRISH JAUNTING-CAR" ETC. 

ILLUSTRATED

HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS

NEW YORK AND LONDON

MCMIX

Copyright, 1909, by HARPER & BROTHERS. 

_All rights reserved_. 

Published October, 1909. 

PLACES VISITED ON THIS CRUISE

AND DESCRIBED

WITH PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

 MADEIRA SPAIN CADIZ SEVILLE ALHAMBRA ALGIERS MALTA GREECE TURKEY CONSTANTINOPLE ASIA MINOR SMYRNA HOLY LAND JERUSALEM RIVER JORDAN JERICHO DEAD SEA EGYPT CAIRO THE NILE MESSINA NAPLES POMPEII ROME VILLEFRANCHE NICE MONTE CARLO ENGLAND

ILLUSTRATIONS

THE AUTHOR . . . . . . . . . . . . _Frontispiece_

FUNCHAL, THE LONG BRANCH OF MADEIRA; NICE BALMY PLACE FOR A REST AFTER A PANIC. STEAMER LEAVES LONDON TWICE A WEEK. HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS BY CABLE

THE PARTHENON, ATHENS, GREECE--THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RUIN IN EXISTENCE

THE HISTORICAL PART OF ATHENS, GREECE--PANORAMA OF THE GREAT RUINED GROUPS

CONSTANTINOPLE AND THE GOLDEN HORN CROSSED BY THE GALATA BRIDGE, WITH STAMBOUL IN THE FOREGROUND. THE YOUNG TURKS PRESENTED THIS AS THE FIRST SNAP OF THEIR OFFICIAL CAMERA. LATER THEY "DEDICATED" THE BRIDGE BY HANGING THE FIRST BATCH OF MURDERERS ON IT

THESE SANDOWS OF STAMBOUL ARE CONSIDERED A HUSKY TRIO, EVEN IN THIS CITY OF STRONG MEN. IF THESE KEGS ARE FILLED WITH SOUR MASH THEY'RE A MENACE TO THE WHISKEY TRUST AND OUGHT TO BE TAXED ACCORDINGLY

THE ABDICATION OF THE SULTAN, ABDUL HAMID II. --HIS LAST RIDE THROUGH THE STREETS OF CONSTANTINOPLE

MEHEMET V. , THE NEW SULTAN, AFTER THE INVESTITURE, LEAVING THE MOSQUE

HANGING THREE LEADERS OF THE ARMENIAN MASSACRE ON THE GALATA BRIDGE, CONSTANTINOPLE, MAY 3, 1909

"THE MOOSKI, " CAIRO. THERE ARE MILES OF STREETS IN THIS ARTISTIC MARKET WHERE RUGS, TAPESTRIES, LACES, AND ORIENTAL _BRIC-A-BRAC_ MAY BE SECURED BY THE ANXIOUS AT AN ALARMING SACRIFICE. EVERY MINUTE IS A BARGAIN DAY

SAMPLES Of CONSTANTINOPLE'S BRAND OF "WHITE WINGS. " IT'S A SIGHT FOR GODS AND MEN TO SEE THESE JOLLY DOGS GOBBLE THE TURKISH TIDBITS AFTER THE SUN HAS SET

A CROWD AT THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE, JERUSALEM, WAITING FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN. EACH TRIBE IS IMPATIENT TO ENTER AND OCCUPY ITS OWN SPACE

THIS IS QUEEN HATSHEPSET'S DE-AL-BAHARA TEMPLE AT THEBES, ORNAMENTED WITH FINE GOLD. THE ORIGINAL METHODS BY WHICH "HATTY" SWIPED THE MONEY TO BUILD THIS TEMPLE LEAVE WALL STREET TIED TO THE HITCHING POST AT THE SUB-TREASURY STEPS

OUR HOSPITABLE HOST AND HOSTESS IN THEIR SALON WHERE THEY ENTERTAINED US AT JERUSALEM

THE MOSQUE OF OMAR, JERUSALEM--"THE FINEST BUILDING IN THE EAST. " THE TURKS AND MOHAMMEDANS WASH THEIR FEET IN THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS HERE, BUT THAT, OF COURSE, IS A MERE DETAIL. IT CLEARLY SHOWS, HOWEVER, THE COURAGEOUS FREEDOM AND _SANS SOUCI_ OF THE PEOPLE

THE WAILING PLACE, JERUSALEM. THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS, THE BETTER

THE DEAD SEA WITH THE LONE FISHERMAN IN FRONT. HE HAS JUST HEARD THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BITING AND IS SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED IN CONSEQUENCE

RIVER JORDAN, WHERE WE CROSSED ON A FERRY-BOAT; THE ONLY REASON FOR DOING IT WAS TO TRY A VOYAGE WITHOUT STEWARDS' FEES

POOL OF SILOAM, JERUSALEM, HOLY LAND

VIRGIN'S FOUNTAIN, HOLY LAND

THE TOWER OF DAVID, JERUSALEM

THE SPHINX--THE GRAND OLD GIRL OF ALL SCULPTURE. THE SUN'S KISS WAS THE ONLY ONE SHE EVER HAD. THE QUEEN OF POST-CARDS, TO WHICH THE PYRAMID BEHIND HER RUNS A CLOSE SECOND

RAMESES II

ARAB TYPES--CAMEL DRIVERS--SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THE NILE

"RAM" IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE. THE ONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE

OUR OWN NILE DONKEY, "BALLY-HOO-BEY. " KNEW HIS BUSINESS LIKE A BOOK, BUT OBJECTED TO THE TOD SLOAN RIDE (SPOKEN OF IN THE TEXT)--A WILD WEST EFFORT IN THE FAR EAST. ALI BABA, JR. , IN THE SADDLE

TEMPLE OF LUXOR ON THE NILE. "RAM" IS VERY MUCH IN EVIDENCE, BUT ONLY A SMALL PART OF HIS SCULPTURAL OUTPUT IS SEEN, AS THE STONE-CUTTERS' LIENS HAVE NOT YET BEEN SATISFIED

ANOTHER PART OF KARNAK; ONLY ONE MAN ON THE JOB, BUT HE IS QUITE EQUAL TO ALL ITS REQUIREMENTS AND EMERGENCIES

PILLARS OF THOTHMES III, KARNAK, EGYPT, WITH TWO YOUNG MEN ON THE LOOKOUT FOR BUSINESS. THEY ARE BOTH WORTHY OF EVERY ENCOURAGEMENT

OBELISK OF THOTHMES I AND QUEEN HAPSHEPSET XVIII DYNASTY. TWO FINE OBELISKS IN THE TEMPLE OF KARNAK--A LITTLE TOPSY-TURVY LOOKING AND VERY MUCH IN NEED OF REPAIRS

THIS IS WHERE "RAM" FELL DOWN AND HAS NEVER SINCE BEEN "LIFTED. " IT TAKES _PIASTRES_ TO PUT SUCH A BIG MAN ON HIS FEET. STONY MACADAM, PRESIDENT OF THE BAKSHISH TRUST & TIPPING COMPANY, WITH HIS CASHIER AND ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN ATTENDANCE. IT'S A TOUGH PROBLEM "STONY" CAN'T SOLVE IF THERE'S MONEY BEHIND IT

THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE, ROME--ONE OF THE FINEST EXTANT. THE EMPEROR THOUGHT IT ALL OUT AND PLANNED IT TO ASTONISH POSTERITY, AND INCIDENTALLY TO RECORD HIS OWN GREATNESS

THE FORUM, ROME'S GREATEST HISTORICAL CLUB, WHERE EVERY MAN HAD A HEARING IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY. SOME GREAT THINGS WERE SAID THERE AND THOUGHTS COINED WHICH ARE PASSING CURRENT AS OUR OWN TO-DAY

THE BATHS OF CARACALLA, ROME, WHERE THE ROMANS HAD THE BEST TIMES OF THEIR LIVES AND WERE ALWAYS IN THE PICTURE WHILE IT LASTED

A FANTASY OF MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL

A DREAM OF ANTICIPATION

(_The spirit of the cruise_)

 The _King of Cork_ was a funny ship As ever ploughed the maine: She kep' no log, she went whar she liked; So her Cap'n warn't to blaime. 

 The Management was funnier still. We always thought it dandy-- Till it wrecked us on the Golden Horn, When we meant to land at Kandy. 

 The Cap'n ran the boat ashore In aerated waters; The Purser died by swallowin' gas, Thus windin' up these matters. 

 _L'Envoi_

 Fate's relentless finger, Points to the Purser's doom: He gulped the seltzer quickly-- Then bust with an air-tight boom!

Taking my cue from this short, spasmodic dream I had one evening in asteamer chair, of what I imagined was to happen on our coming voyage, Istarted to scribble; and following the fantastic idea in the vision, Ishall adopt the abbreviated name of _The Cork_, for our goodship--although some of the passengers preferred to call her _TheCorker_, as she was big and fine, and justly celebrated among those whogo down to the sea in fear and trembling. The fame of this ship andher captain spread so far and wide that a worthy band of male andfemale pilgrims besought him to take them to foreign parts, for aconsideration. 

There was great ado at starting, and when we finally steamed out of NewYork harbor past the "Goddess of Liberty" one fine morning, the air wasrent with the screeching of steam sirens and the tooting of whistles. The "Goddess" stood calm and silent on her pedestal; she lookedvirtuous (which was natural to her, being made of metal), but her stoicindifference was somewhat upset by an icy stalactite that hung from herclassic nose. One of the passengers remarked that Bartholdi ought tohave supplied her with a handkerchief, but this suggestion wasconsidered flippant by his Philistine audience, and it made noimpression whatever. 

The list of passengers stood at seven hundred, and an extensiveprogramme of entertainments was promoted for their amusement, consisting of balls, lectures, glees, games of bridge whist andprogressive euchre, concerts, readings, and a bewildering schedule offunctions, too numerous to mention; in fact, it was a case of threerings under one tent and a dozen side shows. 

The passenger list comprised many examples of eccentric characters, rarely found outside of the pages of Dickens; the majority, however, were very interesting and refined people, and the exceptional typesonly served to accentuate the desirability and variety of theircompanionship on a voyage of this character. Here is a description ofsome of them, exaggerated perhaps in places, but not far from the factswhen the peculiar conditions surrounding them are fully considered. Many of them were doing their best to attract attention in a harmlessway, and in most cases they succeeded, as there is really nothing soimmaterial that it escapes all notice from our fellows. 

For instance, there was a human skyscraper, a giant, who had an immensepyramid of tousled hair--a Matterhorn of curls and pomatum--who gloriedin its possession and scorned to wear hat, bonnet or cap. When itrained he went out to enjoy a good wetting, and came back a drippingbear. The sight made those of us who had but little hair atop ourpates green with envy, as all we could now hope for was not hair butthat the shellac finish on our polls might be dull and not shiny. Thisman also sat or stood in the sun by the hour to acquire that brick-redtan that is "quite English, you know;" and he got it, but it did notaltogether match with the other coloring which nature had bestowed uponhim. Then we had a "fidgetarian, " who was one of the unlaunderedironies of life; he could not keep still for a moment. This specimenwas from Throgg's Neck, and danced the carmagnole in concentric circlesall by himself, twisting in and out between the waltzers evidently withthe feeling that he was the "whole show, " and that the other dancerswere merely accessories to the draught he made, and followed in hiswake. He was a half portion in the gold-filled class, and a chartermember of the Forty-second Street Country Club. 

We were also honored by the presence of Mrs. Handy Jay Andy, ofAlexandry, who had "stunted considerable" in Europe, and was anxious torepeat the performance in the Levant. She didn't carry a pug dog, butshe thought a "lady" ought to tote round with her something incaptivity, so she compromised on a canary, which she bought in Smyrna, where all the good figs come from. She was a colored supplement tohigh-toned marine society. 

No collection of this kind would be complete without a militaryofficer, and we had him all right; we called him "the General, " a manwho jested at scars and who had a beard out of which a Pullman pillowmight be easily constructed. On gala nights he decorated himself withmedals, and on the whole was a very ornamental piece of human_bric-à-brac_. Of course we had the man with the green--but not tooFrench green--hat. He had a curly duck's tail, dyed green, sticking upin its rear, so that the view from the back would resemble EmperorWilliam. He attracted attention, but somehow seemed like an emptygreen bottle thrown in the surf. 

Some of the ladies had their little peculiarities also. There was Mrs. Galley-West from North Fifth Avenue, New York, a "widow-lady, " whosename went up on the social electric-light sign when she began to ridehome in a limousine. She stated that everybody who was anybody in thatgreat city knew who _she_ was and all about her. Nobody disputed herstatements. As time elapsed she became very confidential, and one daystated that she was matrimonially inclined and intimated that she wouldwelcome an introduction to an aged millionaire in delicate health, asit might result in her being able to carry out some ambitious plans shehad made in "philomathy. " By the time we reached Cairo she had loweredher figures to a very modest amount--but she is still a widow. 

The human mushroom was also in evidence--the girl narrow and straightup-and-down, like a tube ending in a fishtail, with a Paquin wrap and aVirot hat, reinforced with a steel net wire neck-band--the very latestfads from Paris. Her gowns were grand, her hats were great, I tellyou! When some one was warbling at the piano, she would put her elbowon the lid of the "baby grand, " face the audience, and strike astained-glass attitude that would make Raphael's cartoons look likesubway posters. 

[Illustration: FUNCHAL THE LONG BRANCH OF MADEIRA; NICE BALMY PLACE FORA REST AFTER A PANIC. STEAMER LEAVES LONDON TWICE A WEEK. HOTELACCOMMODATIONS BY CABLE]

Among those present who came all the way from Medicine Hat was thecowboy girl, who could ride a mustang, toss a steer with a lariat, shoot a bear or climb a tree. She wore a sombrero, rolled up hersleeves, and was just _dying_ to show what she could do if she had onlyhalf a chance. She got it when we came to the donkey rides in Egypt. She was a "Dreadnaught girl, " sure enough. 

The claims of the pocket "Venus" from the "Soo, " must not be forgotten. She was small and of the reversible, air-cooled, selective type, but asperfect as anything ever seen in a glass case. She wore a spray ofsoft-shell crab-apple blossoms in her hair, which stamped her with thebloom of Arcady. She spilled her chatter lavishly, and had the smallchange of conversation right at her finger-tips. She had anearly-English look, and was deservedly popular with the boys. 

The beet-sugar man from Colorado also had his place. This specialistput his table to sleep before we lost sight of land. He stifled hislisteners with sugar statistics, informing them how many tons of beetsthe State produced and what they were worth in money; how much toexpect from an acre, and the risks and profits of the industry: acollection of facts that were the mythology of alleged truth. If youwere good the gods would make you a sugar-king in the world to come, and Colorado was to be financially sugar-cured in the sweet by-and-by. His whole song was a powerful anaesthetic, and many at the table didnot know the meal was over till the steward woke them up. 

One among our crowd who really mattered was a tall, gloomy, dyspepticman, hard to approach, but once known he never failed to harp on hisfavorite string, --the old masters and the Barbizon school of painting. This man had all the ready veneer of the art connoisseur. He used totalk by the hour about the great pictures he had seen, and gave eachartist a descriptive niche for what he thought him famous: such as, the_expression_ of Rubens; the _grace_ of Raphael; the _purity_ ofDomenichino; the _correggiosity_ of Correggio; the _learning_ ofPoussin; the _air_ of Guido; the _taste_ of Coraceis, and the _drawing_of Michelangelo. This, of course, was all Greek to most of us, but itraised the tone of the smoking-room and enveloped the entire ship in ahighly artistic atmosphere which no odors from the galley couldovercome. Incidentally I may say, however, he didn't know all aboutthem, for one day a wag set a trap for him by saying he had had a finebit of Botticelli at dinner. 

"My dear sir, " exclaimed our "authority, " "Botticelli isn't a cheese;he was a famous fiddler!"

"I have always had an impression he was an old master, " said anotherpassenger, who was an amused listener. 

It is impossible for any large body of travelers to escape the man whoby every device tries to impress his fellows with the idea that he is aMungo Park on his travels, and so our harmless impostor had his"trunkage" plastered with labels from all parts of the world, sold tohim by hotel porters, who deal in them. He wore the fez, of course, and sported a Montenegrin order on his lapel; he had Turkish slippers;he carried a Malacca cane; he wrapped himself in a Mohave blanket andhe wore a Caracas carved gold ring on his four-in-hand scarf. But hiscrowning effort was in wearing the great traveling badge, the Englishfore-and-aft checked cap, with its ear flaps tied up over the crown, leaving the front and rear scoops exposed. Not all of the passengerscarried this array of proofs, but many dabbled in them just a littlebit. It doesn't do, however, when assuming this role to have had yourhair cut in Rome, New York, or to have bought your "pants" in Paris, Texas, for if you are guilty in those matters you will give theimpression of being a mammoth comique on his annual holiday. 

The dear lady who delights in "piffle, " and to whom "pifflage" is thevery breath of life, had also her niche in our affairs. She hailedfrom Egg Harbor and was an antique guinea hen of uncertain age. Whenyou are thinking of the "white porch of your home, " she will tell youshe "didn't sleep a wink last night!" that "the eggs on this steamerare not what they ought to be, " that the cook doesn't know how to boilthem, and that as her husband is troubled with insomnia her son isquite likely to run down from the harbor to meet her at the landing twomonths hence. Then she will turn to the query by asking if you thinkthe captain is a fit man to run this steamer; if the purser would belikely to change a sovereign for her; what tip she should give hersteward; whether you think Mrs. Galley-West's pearls are real, andwhether the Customs are as strict with passengers as they used to be;whether any real cure for seasickness has yet been found, and why arethey always painting the ship? Not being able to think of anythingelse she leaves her victim, to his infinite relief. Oh you! iridescenthumming-bird!

The men who yacht and those who motor are of course anxious to attractattention. The freshwater yachtsman (usually river or pond), plantshis insignia of office on his cap. It is generally a combination of aspread-eagle and a "hydriad, " surrounded by the stars and stripes. These things lift him above the level of those who would naturally behis peers, and effect his purpose. The motorer sports his car dusteron all possible occasions, and thinks his goggles are necessary toprotect his eyes from the glare of the sun on the deck of the steamer. He has large studs of motors, and always proposes to keep in front ofthe main squeeze. The chatter relating to cars and yachts when thesemen were in evidence was insistent and incessant. You were neverallowed to forget for a moment that they owned cars, power boats andrunabouts, and that their tours averaged thousands of miles. The manfrom the stogie sections does not, of course, fear to fire his fusee inthis company and he always does it--it keeps up the steam. 

A row of three extinct volcanoes was frequently to be seen seated sideby side in the smoking-room, where they recounted the scenes of theiryouth with evident gusto. One would recall the days of '49, spring of'50, and tell his companions all about the excitement of mining inthose early times, --"Glorious climate, California!" was the way heusually wound up his reminiscences. Another would draw his picture ofthe firing on Fort Sumter, and would assert that the battle of Antietamin which he took part was the hottest of the war. The favorite topicof the third raconteur was the flush times on Oil Creek in the early'60's, when he had drilled a dry hole near "Colonel Drake's" pioneerventure. And so it would go till it was time to "douse the glim. " Onething they all agreed on--that the whiskey was good but the drinks weresmall on the _Cork_. 

[Illustration: THE PARTHENON, ATHENS, GREECE--THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RUININ EXISTENCE]

There was a young southern Colonel on board who was a charmingcompanion and a good-natured, all-round fellow, always willing to doanything for anybody, young or old. The ladies soon found out hisweakness, and they "pulled his leg" "right hard, " as he would have putit. When ashore he bought them strawberries, ice-cream, wine, confectionery, lemonade, and anything else he could think of. He was averitable packhorse, and many times when he was already loaded withimpedimenta they would, as a matter of course, toss him wraps, umbrellas and fans, followed by photo's, _bric-à-brac_ and otherpurchases, till the man was fairly loaded to the gunwales. This theywould do with an airy grace all their own, remarking perhaps:

"Here, Colonel, I see you haven't much to carry; take this on board forme like a good boy, won't you?"

He stood the strain like a Spartan to the bitter end, and when the tripwas over he, like Lord Ullen, was left lamenting in the shuffle of theforgotten, and didn't even get a kiss in the final good-byes, when theyfell as thick as the leaves in Vallombrosa. 

The most picturesque and amusing man on board was a Mexican rubberplanter from Guadalajara, known on the ship's list as Señor Cyrano deBergerac. He hadn't a Roman nose--but that's a mere detail; he had aNumidian mane of blue-black hair which swung over his collar so that helooked like the leader of a Wild West show. He was a contradiction interms: his voice proclaimed him a man of war, while all the fighting heever did, so far as we knew, was with the flies on the Nile. To lookat him was to stand in the presence of a composite picture ofAgamemnon, Charles XII. And John L. Sullivan; but to hear him_shout_--ah! that voice was the megaphone of Boanerges! It held tonesthat put a revolving spur on every syllable and gave a dentist-drillfeeling as they ploughed their way through space. It was alleged thatwhen he struck his plantation and shouted at the depot as he leapedfrom the train that he had arrived, all the ranch hands fell down andcrossed themselves, thinking it was the sound of the last trump andtheir time had come. We have no actual proof of it, but undoubtedlythese announcements were heard on Mars, and might better be utilized assignals to that planet than anything that has yet been suggested. Hehad a fatal faculty of stringing together big words from Webster's"Unabridged, " and connecting them with conjunctions quite irrespectiveof the sense, so that the product was like waves of hot air from avast, reverberating furnace. It was the practice of this orator tojump from his seat at all gatherings without warning, and makedetonating announcements on all kinds of subjects to the utterlyhelpless passengers, the captain, the officers and the stewards. Thesehardy sons of the sea, who had often faced imminent danger, wouldvisibly flinch, set their faces and cover their ears till the ordealwas over. But they were never safe, as he made two or threeannouncements daily, and they had to listen to his thunder in all partsof the ship till it returned to New York. His incessant shouting was aflock of dinosauria in the amber of repose; it upset our nerves, but asit added to our opportunities for killing time, many forgave him andthought him well worth the price of admission. In many respects hisdisposition was kindly and generous; but oh, my! how he could and didtalk!

There were two men with us who represented a type known to the _Cork's_other passengers as "the Impressionists. " When they came on boardorders were given in a loud voice as to the disposal of their luggage, the chauffeurs were asked whether everything had been taken from thecars, and the travelers then made their way to the chief steward. After receiving a tip, that personage became satisfied that they weredeep enough in dry goods to entitle them to seats at an officer'stable, which were given them. Their opportunity came next day whenthey had donned their "glad rags, " and stood in the centre of thesmoking-room. A few minutes before the dinner gong sounded they dranka Martini, and looked over the heads of the crowd with an air ofconscious superiority. Dinner started, they surrounded themselves withtable waters and Rhine wines, ostentatiously popping corks and making agreat show of "bottlage" for very little money. When they left theirseats they were _the_ men of the ship--in their own estimation; butthey had shot their bolt and could go no further, so they settled downin a condition of social decay that became very distressing. Thisrecalls an incident of Thackeray's: he once saw an unimportant lookingman strutting along the deck of a steamer. Stepping up to him he said:

"Excuse me, sir, but are you any person in particular?"

Now we reach the post-card mania. This is the most pernicious diseasethat has ever seized humanity since the days of the Garden of Eden, andin no better place can it be seen at its worst than on a steamercalling at foreign ports: once it gets a foothold it supplants almostall other vices and becomes a veritable Frankenstein. It is harder tobreak away from this habit than from poker, gossiping, strong drink, tobacco, or even eating peas with your knife if you have been broughtup that way. The majority of the "Corks" when landing at a port wouldnot have stopped to say "Good morning" to Adam, to take a peep at BwanaTumbo's hides and horns, or to pick up the Declaration of Independenceif it lay at their feet--in their eager rush to load up with the cardsnecessary to let all their friends know that they had arrived at anygiven place on the map. This is but the first act in the drama, forstamps must be found, writing places must be secured, pencils, pens andink must be had, together with a mailing list as long as to-day andto-morrow. The smoking-room is invaded, the lounge occupied, and everytable, desk and chair in the writing-room is preempted, to theexclusion of all who are not addressing post-cards. Although we toiledlike electrified beavers we got behind on the schedule, so that thosewho did not finish at Malta had to work hard to get their cards off atConstantinople, and so on through the trip. The chariot of Aurorawould hardly hold their output at a single port. At the start it was amild, pleasurable fad, but later it absorbed the victim's mind to suchan extent that he thought of nothing but the licking of stamps andmailing of cards to friends--who get so many of them that they are forthe most part considered a nuisance and after a hasty glance arequietly dropped in the waste-basket. Many had such an extensivecollection of mailing lists that it became necessary to segregate theminto divisions; in some cases these last were labeled forclassification, "Atlantic Coast Line, " "Middle West, " "CanadianProvinces, " "New England, " "Europe, " etc. Again they were subdividedinto trades and professions, such as lawyers, ministers, politicians, stock brokers, real estate agents, bankers (in jail and out of it), dermatologists and "hoss-doctors. " This habit obtained such a hold onpeople who were otherwise respectable that they would enter into any"fake, " to gratify their obsession. Some of the "Corks" did not tourSpain but remained on the ship; many of these would get up packages ofcards, dating them as if at Cadiz, Seville or Granada, and requestthose who were landing to mail them at the proper places, so as toimpose on their friends at home. I felt no hesitancy, after silentlyreceiving my share of this fraud, in quietly dropping them overboard asa just punishment for this impertinence. Incidents like this willaccount in part for the non-delivery of post-cards and thedisappointment of those who did not receive them. 

Our Purser had what is known in tonsorial circles as a "walrus" ordrooping moustache; he was plied with so many foolish questions inregard to this mailing business that he became very nervous and tuggedvigorously at this ornament whenever something new was sprung on him. It is said that water will wear a hole in stone, and so it came to passthat he pulled his moustache out, hair by hair, till there were leftonly nine on a side. The style of his adornment was then necessarilychanged to the "baseball, " by which it was known to the "fans" on board. 

The handling of this enormous output has already become aninternational postal problem of grave importance in many countries; themails have been congested and demoralized, and thousands of importantletters have been delayed because Mrs. Galley-West would have herfriends on Riverside Drive thoroughly realize that she has got as faras Queenstown on her triumphal tour, and that she and all the littleGalley-Wests are "feeling quite well, I thank you. "

The ultimate fate of the post-card mania is as yet undecided. It may, like the measles or the South Sea Bubble, run its course and that willend it; on the other hand, it may grow to such proportions that it willshut out all human endeavor and bring commercial pursuits to a completestandstill. In any case its foundations are laid in vanity andegotism, and that will eventually prove its undoing. 

MADEIRA

We lit right out for Madeira, and after a pleasant but uneventfulvoyage cast anchor in the harbor of Funchal, the capital, in less thannine days. 

The Madeira Islands are owned by Portugal, but the natives all wishthey were not and are most anxious to get under Uncle Sam's wing, _àla_ Porto Rico. The islands are of volcanic origin and some of themountain peaks are over six thousand feet high. The climate isdelightful and the variation in temperature is not much over thirtydegrees. Semi-tropical vegetation and flowers abound everywhere, andthe place is beautifully clad with verdure. The natives have "thattired feeling, " and do just as little work as will earn them a scantyliving. They, however, blame this condition on the Government. 

The group was at one time celebrated for its wines, but a blight cameon the vines and the business of wine-making is greatly reduced;besides, Madeira wine has gone out of fashion of late years. 

FUNCHAL

The Madeirans dress like comic opera bandits and are very picturesquein appearance, and while they look like Lord Byron's corsairs, theynever cut a throat nor scuttle a ship under any circumstances; they arethe mildest of men. While strolling in the public market I noticed abit of local color: one of the fierce looking pirates had for sale halfa dozen little red pigs with big, black, polka dots on them. I stoppedto look at them and the corsair insisted that I should buy one at leastand take it with me for a souvenir. 

The principal feature of the place is that wheels are at a discount andmost of the locomotion is done by sliding. The streets and sidewalksare paved with large, oblong pebbles which become highly polished byfriction. Over these the sleds, with oxen attached to them, glide withease, at the rate of three miles an hour. On this account it's themost tiresome place to walk in that I know of. Even most of thenatives have stone-bruised feet and "hirple" along as if finishing asix-day walk in "the Garden. "

While we were there a Portuguese man-of-war entered the harbor andthere was a great waste of powder both from the forts and thebattle-ship. The harbor was filled with little boats containing boysand men who dive for the coins thrown into the water for them by thepassengers. They never fail to reach the money. 

I asked a gentlemanly native where the flower market was and he verypolitely walked with me for three blocks and landed me in front of aflour mill. I explained his mistake and he then insisted on taking meto where they sold flowers, at which point we had an elaboratefare-welling--hat-lifting, laughing and handshaking. I asked him tovisit me in New York, but he said with marked sadness in his voice thathe hadn't the price and therefore must forego the pleasure. 

The passenger list of the _Cork_ being a large and notable one, theCity Club gave us a ball at the Casino. It was alleged that the bluestblood on the island took part in this, the largest function of theseason. 

Madeira has been described by a distinguished traveler as "a neglectedparadise. " Part of this appearance is given it by the luxuriant growthof the Bougainvillea vine which has rich purple flowers, masses ofwhich can be seen decorating the villas when one approaches Funchalfrom the sea. Madeira is some three hundred miles from Africa, and yetwhen sand storms arise on that continent the sand is blown across thesea and great mounds of it are piled up on this island; arrangementshave to be made to prevent it from entering the houses. 

The main island, Madeira, is thirty-three miles long and thirteenbroad, with a population of 151, 000. Funchal has 50, 000 inhabitants, and is a quaint and interesting city. The island was known to theRomans, but was settled by Zargo in the interests of Portugal. Columbus married his wife at this port. Captain Cook bombarded Funchalin 1768 and brought that city to his terms. Napoleon was sent here onhis way to St. Helena in 1815. So, on the whole, Madeira has had afair amount of checkered history. 

The Casino was started as an imitation of Monte Carlo, but caused suchdisaster that it was suppressed. The Lisbon officials now visit itonce a year to see that there is no gambling going on; the owners knowwhen they sail and remove the tables, and after the "inspection" isover and the officials have returned home, business is resumed insafety and with the usual profit to the proprietors. 

[Illustration: THE HISTORICAL PART OF ATHENS, GREECE. PANORAMA OF THEGREAT RUINED GROUPS]

The _Cork_ is one of the marine giants, and when all the first-cabinrooms were sold the company painted up the second-cabin quarters andsold them at full first-class rates. I joined the party only a fewdays before it started and was glad to get an outside, single room, about the size and shape of a Pullman section. Its distinction wasthat it had a port-hole of its own through which I could freely admitthe local climate. When I first surveyed the contracted proportions ofthis stateroom, the paucity of its fittings and entire lack of theusual accommodations, I was filled as full of acute melancholia as anegg is of meat and had I not paid the passage money I would have boltedfrom the _Cork_ out into utter darkness; but I was "in for it, " anddetermined to make the best of the situation; so I got some clotheslines and screw hooks, and with them constructed a labyrinth of handylanding nets for all my belongings, which resembled the telegraph wireson Tenth Avenue before Mayor Grant cut them down. I also hung my topcoat and mackintosh in convenient places, and used their pockets forstorage vaults. One pocket served as a complete medicine chest, another accommodated slippers, collars, cuffs and shaving tackle, whileI utilized the sleeve openings (closed at the cuffs with safety pins), to hold a full line of clothes, hair and tooth brushes, and tied smallthings to the buttons, which shook with the vibration of the ship assleigh-bells are shaken by the vaudeville artist when he plays _Comin'Through the Rye_ on them for an encore. The whole arrangement was amarvelous and instantaneous success, and so proud was I of theachievement that I invited my neighbors to peep into the stateroom tosee its glories and utilities. Some of them proceeded at once to copymy best ideas--but that is the fate of all inventors. However, theywere grateful, for they named the passageway on which eight roomsopened, "Harp Alley, " in honor of my nationality, and placed a cardwith this legend on it at the entrance:

 HARP ALLEY

 NIGHT & DAY HOUSE On the South Corner With a Port-Hole on the Side

 Hot Meals and Other Entertainments at all hours

 "WE NEVER SLEEP"

The rush of arrivals was so great that I was soon obliged to remove thesign and "close the house. "

But a great catastrophe was shortly to happen which cast a gloom overthe Alley and plunged us into a miniature _Republic_ disaster. A bigsalt water pipe was hung from the ceiling of the Alley passage; andwhat do you think! under strong pressure it burst with a loud noise onemorning when we were dressing for breakfast and flooded the rooms ofthe entire colony before we could say "Jack Robinson!" Such ascurrying into bath robes and jumping out of staterooms were neverseen! I felt that owing to my high standing and responsible positionin the "Alley, " and having in mind the fame of Binns (of the_Republic_, the "wireless" hero of Nantucket shoals), it was incumbenton me to ignore my personal effects and comfort in an attempt to savethe ladies and their _lingerie_ at any price. So I slipped on mytrusty rain coat, and handed them out under a spread umbrella, one byone, to a place of safety, I being the very last man to leave the Alleyand even then with reluctance. But mind you, I never took my eyes offthe floor! they were glued to it all the while this transfer was beingmade. (Although when I afterward mentioned this circumstance, somelady slung the javelin into me from ambush by sayingsarcastically--"Oh, yes indeed! 'glued to the floor' the way theaverage man's eyes are riveted to the sidewalk when he passes theFlatiron Building on a windy day!") But I was determined to make it awholesale sacrifice, and I did it! This Spartan performance wasgenerously rewarded, for I was added instanter to the _Cork's_ "Hall ofFame" as the "Hero of the Deluge. "

All our things were taken down to the furnace room and dried in a shorttime, and the Alley quickly regained its dignity and composure. I hadto repair the damages to my room, but soon got it in perfect runningorder again; with added improvements it became a veritable Bohemiandream and I would not have left it for worlds. I could lie on my bedand get a drink of water without rising, reach for a cigar, sew on amissing button, open my treasury vaults to see how the funds wereholding out, and when dressing could sit down on my only seat, aten-cent camp stool, and take a short smoke while Steward Griffiths wasfilling my bath tub. But I was far from civilization, as thefirst-cabin baths were up two deck flights, then down one and backthrough a passage underneath where you started from; the round trip wasa ten minutes' walk. I consoled myself with the reflection that it wasneeded exercise and in the best interests of hygiene. 

The delights of Funchal exhausted, we were off again for a visit toSpain, landing after a short run at Cadiz. 

SPAIN

CADIZ

There is not much to see in Cadiz but its Cathedral and the busy lifeof its people, who number 70, 000. It is thoroughly calcimined inchromatic tints and looks fine as you approach it from the sea, butyour enthusiasm wanes somewhat when you get into the picture and seethat there are many places where the gilt has been knocked off thegingerbread and has not been put back again. But we must all take offour hats to the "old town, " for it was there, indisputably, thatColumbus rigged up and started for America. If he had only known whathe was about and the people had understood all that was to happen, theywould have had a brass band on the pier and have set off plenty ofskyrockets in the evening. 'Twas ever thus! The "knockers" boo-ed himfrom their shores and said he was crazy, but history plants his feet onthe topmost rung of fame long after the bitter end, when short commonswere with him uncommon short. 

SEVILLE

The "Corkonians" took the train for Seville, and it was a corker inlength for it took three engines and all the first-class carriages inAndalusia to carry us to our destination. 

The management had about a carload of plaited straw lunch baskets andfilled them with good things, so we had a continuous picnic _en route_. When we arrived we found almost every carriage in this city of 150, 000people lined up in a big square for the distribution of the party, asthe principle of procedure was, first come first served. There was amotion picture for you that lasted twenty minutes, but there was aplace for every man and every man had his place, so we were allcomparatively happy and started in to "do" the town. 

Seville has one of the largest, finest and richest Gothic Cathedrals inexistence; it has absolutely everything that can in reason be demandedof a cathedral, with or without price, including in part a full line ofold masters, headed by Murillo and Velasquez (who were born here);bones of the good dead ones--and some bad ones--silver gilt organs, acourt of orange trees in full bloom, the Columbian library (establishedby Fernando, Columbus' son), containing nothing but books, books, books! Then again there are _acres_--I was going to say--of stainedglass windows, but perhaps I had better stick to the simple truth andsay innumerable windows, showing every variation of the rainbow intheir brilliant, deftly interwoven tints. Once more we find jewels ofgreat price, solid silver trophies (which before the slump in silverwould have placed any honest man above the corrosion of carking care);and wood-carving by masters of the trade whose artistic feeling wasgraphically described by our learned guide--known to the "Corks" as"Red Lead, " on account of the lurid color of his hair. He wore anOscar Hammerstein opera hat and seemed condemned to live on earth butfor a certain time--and all whom he met wished for its speedyexpiration. In a single, simple, instructive sentence he requested usto "Joost look at dat figger and see how the master have carve themfeets; they are both two much alike. "

[Illustration: CONSTANTINOPLE AND THE GOLDEN HORN CROSSED BY THE GALATABRIDGE, WITH STAMBOUL IN THE FOREGROUND. THE YOUNG TURKS PRESENTEDTHIS AS THE FIRST SNAP OF THEIR OFFICIAL CAMERA. LATER THEY"DEDICATED" THE BRIDGE BY HANGING THE FIRST BATCH OF MURDERERS ON IT]

Most of these things, and many more, were the gifts of King Charles V. , King Ferdinand, Queen Isabella and others, with a Sultan or two thrownin for good measure. All this grandeur is spread over 124, 000 squarefeet, exceeded only a little by St. Peter's in Rome. 

In the plethora of good things I had almost forgotten to mention theTomb of Columbus, a finely carved sarcophagus in solid bronze. Heroic, allegorical figures support it and it is an imposing coffin in everyrespect. 

The size of this great Cathedral is three hundred and eighty by twohundred and fifty feet, and a week might be spent in seeking out thevast treasures which run the gamut of art and money from its top roundto the bottom. There are many other churches here, but to try to writeof them after attempting to describe the Cathedral would be like anintroduction to Tom Thumb after having spent the day with Chang, theChinese giant. However, we can hardly overlook the Alcazar, which"cuts" considerable "ice, " even in this hot climate. It is the palaceof the late Moorish kings, containing the famous Court of the Maidensand the Hall of the Ambassadors. It cost a good many millions of_pesetas_ to erect its front elevations, not to speak of its elaborateinterior decorations, although the workmen only received two pence perday, and they had a local "blue card" union at that. 

The "Order of the Corks, " both men and women, all went to see a grandseries of Spanish dances at the theatre, got up for their delectationand amusement. No band of enthusiastic pilgrims ever started in suchhigh feather to see a dramatic and terpsichorean feast as did we. There was an expression of mystery and expectancy on every face. MaryGarden and all she does would be a mere flea bite to what we should seeof pure and simple naughtiness. But alack and alas for our blastedhopes and the human weakness that had been worked on by the adroitpress agent! The show was a "fake:" there was nothing naughty aboutit--and very little that was nice. No refrigerating plant evercontained a freezing room so dank, cold and gloomy as that theatre!After the first act, the ladies--Heaven help them!--put on their furs;in the second, an odd man or two began to sneak out, and by the timethe curtain rose on the last act there was hardly a soul in the house!The weary "Corkonians" wended their way to the hotels in disconsolategroups, and the simple but convincing words, "Stung again!" hung onevery lip as we toddled up the dark stairs to our beds, wiser butsadder men. There may be allurements in Andalusian dancing--but ifthere are, we certainly did not see them. 

In the cold, gray dawn of the next morning we gathered up ourbelongings, and after an early breakfast, reinforced by another"management" basket lunch, we made for the train. An all-day's ride toGranada was before us. You see, you couldn't get anything to eat at aSpanish station but garlic, onions and chocolate, so we had to preparefor the worst. "The worst" came all right, in the sanitaryarrangements at the stations (for there were none on the trains), butwe justly blamed all our troubles on Spain and not on the management ofthe trip. It all passed, however, like a summer cloud when we landedin time for a late dinner at Granada. Dinner over we went out and sawsome of the gay life of this famous city. The local color wasthere--in fact, it was highly colored; and as for "atmosphere, " why, the air was full of it! The ladies squirmed a little, but the menstood nobly by their guns till the last candle had been snuffed out;and so we went to bed, after arranging to give a full day to theAlhambra next morning, and slept the sleep of the just. 

GRANADA

Morning came as usual with the rising sun, and we set out, twenty-fiveto a guide. I transmitted Mark Twain's name of "Billfinger" to ourman, and he was very much pleased by this notable mark of distinction;in fact, he felt that he had to speak and act up to his title; but hisvoice gave out in the second round, and he had to whisper hishistorical jokes and quips about the harems to a "Cork" from Chicago, who repeated them in a louder tone to the audience. This man was ahuman calliope, and had the voice of an African lion when out of meat. His trained organ was so ear-piercing that much to "Billfinger's"annoyance several ladies deserted our party and fled to one of theother guides who had a soft, sweet voice. 

The party was large and each guide was obliged to keep twenty minutesbehind the band before him. This was done like clockwork, and yet, such is the uncertainty of such arrangements and the intensity of thehuman desire to get ahead of one's neighbors that, do as he would, Billfinger was constantly butting his leaders into the rear of theenemy--for such they were regarded, once the procession got into fullswing and the excitement had reached its zenith. This led to endlessconfusion, and the members of party No. 9 (our set) had to be fishedout and sorted from the ranks of Nos. 10 and 8, thus producing manyviolent squabbles among the guides. Adjustments were slow and by thetime they were made a general congestion had set in at the rear and the"Corks" were all bobbing round in hopeless confusion, extending even tothe outer gates at which we had entered the citadel. But the man withthe voice from Chicago now came into his own and showed how easily hecould quell a friendly riot. He mounted a parapet and with a greenumbrella as a baton shouted back his orders, and they were obeyed withsuch telling effect that in a short time the procession moved like awell oiled machine and we had no further trouble. By most of thepilgrims it was considered that this was hardly a fitting or dignifiedentrance into one of the noblest ruins of any time or country; but thisis a practical age, and we got right down to the business of inspectingwhat is left of the Alhambra. When such a man as Washington Irving wasso inspired by the marvelous beauty of this place and lived ninety daysin one of these buildings (which was pointed out to us by Billfinger), in order to get the spirit of the times and place in which these hallswere erected and peopled, and there wrote his celebrated historical andromantic book, _Tales of the Alhambra_, published in 1829 (obtainablein any library), it would seem best that I leave the reader to perusethat famous work for ideas and details which, should they be suppliedby the ordinary scribbler, could but belittle such a noble subject. Itherefore suggest that those interested procure that book and read itfor themselves. 

[Illustration: THESE SANDOWS OF STAMBOUL ARE CONSIDERED A HUSKY TRIO, EVEN IN THIS CITY OF STRONG MEN. IF THESE KEGS ARE FILLED WITH SOURMASH THEY'RE A MENACE TO THE WHISKEY TRUST AND OUGHT TO BE TAXEDACCORDINGLY]

We went to bed early, for we had to rise long before daylight and takethe train for Gibraltar, where the _King of Cork_ lay waiting for us, for she had steamed from Cadiz to "The Rock" after we left her; andalthough we had enjoyed every minute of the trip, we were glad to getback to the only home we had, on the water. 

We had made quite a circuit through Spain, and it had been a mostinteresting journey. We had thought of Spain as a land of dust, sandand rocky mountains, but instead of that we found broad, fertileplains, well cultivated and with every sign of prosperity. Above allother things the feature of the country is the thousands of well keptolive orchards; then there are sugar-cane, and grapes and other fruit, in abundance. Some of the buildings on the ranches are very fine andimposing, reminding the visitor of English estates. We were fortunatein passing through the cork producing district, and saw the wholeprocess of barking the trees, cutting the bark in oblong squares andstacking it up like lumber in a large yard. The trees grow their barkagain after it is stripped off and from time to time it is again cut asbefore. At the first sight the "Corks" got of this industry, theyshowed their interested appreciation by taking a thousand and onesnap-shots before the train left the station. 

Most intelligent Spaniards will tell you that they were angry when wetook Cuba and the Philippines from them, but now they regard it as ablessing in disguise, as they had no business with expensive colonies, are better off at the present time than they have been for decades, andhope for a new era of prosperity. The largest blot on the country isthe cruel bull fighting, but their English Queen has set her faceagainst it and it is distinctly on the wane. 

ALGERIA

When we had finished up the stereotyped sights of Gibraltar and hadthrown overboard a New Jersey insurance agent for criminally mentioning"Dryden's Hole, " that bewhiskered "chestnut, " in connection with thetime-honored "Rock, " we steamed across the Mediterranean to Algiers, some four hundred and ten miles away. Algeria has a water front of sixhundred miles, and extends back two hundred and fifty from the shore. It was conquered by the Romans in 46 B. C. ; subsequently the coast ofBarbary became the dread of every ship that sailed the sea. Withvarying success, many nations, including Spain, France, England and theUnited States (fleet commanded by Commodore Decatur), took a hand intrying to tame the horde of cut-throat pirates who for centuriescommitted unspeakable atrocities and cruelties. It is hard to realizethat only seventy-five years ago these sanguinary pirates held completesway on the Mediterranean, and that England alone had six thousand ofher subjects captured and enslaved by them in 1674. It is estimatedthat six hundred thousand from all the nations were captured and workedto death in chains. This spot is the "chamber of horrors" in all humanhistory. To the French belongs the honor of finally taming thesewretches and drawing their claws. Algeria is now a French colony, iswell ordered and quite safe for the visitor. 

This people is made up of many breeds: we saw thin, bandy-legged Arabs, fat, burly Turks, ramrod-like Bedouins; Kalougis, with a complexionsuggesting old sole leather; Greeks, with frilled petticoats; Romans, of course with the toga; Kabeles, with black hair and wearing a robelike a big gas-bag; Moors, with the Duke's nose and spindle shanks;Mohammedans, carrying bannocks with holes in them; and dragomans, with"_bakshish_" stamped on every department of their anatomy. But beneaththe furtive glance and in the wicked eyes you see the cut-throat stilllurking, awaiting the first opportunity to embark again in the tradethat is close to their hearts, although the only active pirates herenow are the cab drivers. 

Every breed has its own outlandish costume with a large range ofstartling colors in robes, turbans and slippers, but their shanks arebare, thin and brick red, an easy mark for flies. A considerablepercentage of their time is devoted to stamping their feet to shake offthese pests, which somehow do not seem to know they are not wanted andkeep the lazy rascals busy, thus preventing them from devoting theentire day to sleep and the worship of Allah. 

To round out the picture we must not forget the French Zouaveregiment--fine-looking men, with their elaborately frogged jackets, andtrousers like big red bags, large enough to make balloons if filledwith gas, and the whole topped off with a scarlet, "swagger" fez with atassel hanging down to the waist. 

Algeria has a population of about 5, 000, 000, while the town of Algierscontains 140, 000 people. The climate is tropical with plenty of rain. Oranges, lemons, pineapples, dates, figs, cocoanuts and spices are seeneverywhere. There is a fine, tropical, public garden-park, and theGovernor's Palace with its grounds makes a handsome showing in flowersand fruits. French officialdom strikes a gay and festive noteeverywhere, and the very latest Parisian novelties are seen on thestreets. They have motor cars, but it must be confessed that these donot as yet class with a Studebaker "Limousine. "

The passengers slept on the _Cork_ at the wharf. They tried one mealat the hotel, with the ship's stewards assisting, but did not essay asecond. Seven hundred in two relays would have tested the ability ofMr. Boldt, but still when the battle was over we had all had enough; infact, the management came out with flying colors in this severe test. 

Perhaps at this point it might be interesting to report on the progressthat the Alley had made since it was last mentioned. The developmentof ship characters takes time, and the big men and women do not pop atonce into the lime-light. There were other alleys and some of themcontained hidden stars. It was our business to lasso these (just asbase-ball players are "signed"), and annex them to the Alley, so withthis in mind and hat in hand we approached the haughty but accomplishedPurser (with a big P), the man who is covered with gold lace andclothed with vast responsibility; who, in fact, holds the destinies ofthe ship in the hollow of his hand. We laid our case before him andsaid we wanted "Gassigaloopi" from Alley No. 9, the two "CondensedMilkmaids" with their chaperon from the midship flats, and "Fumigalli, "who bunked near the condenser. The great man of course frowned andpulled his "walrus"--the kind that has hanging, hairy selvages on it, such as serve as warnings for "low bridge" on the railroads--smote hisdesk firmly, and said it would never do! However, we could clearly seethat beneath the mask of his importance he was jubilant over theknowledge of his power, and that if we could only pull some otherstring we would gain our object; so we inveigled the queen of thepoop-deck into joining hands with us, and the day was won withoutfurther effort. Then with joy and gladness we informed the new peoplewhom we had delighted to honor of their social elevation, and withwilling hands we carried their belongings down in triumph to HarpAlley. Two of the staterooms had been vacated at Gibraltar, and so alldifficulties connected with the transfer were easily overcome. "Gassigaloopi" was a tower of strength in himself; he was a retiredItalian politician and spoke so many languages that when he got excitedhe mixed them thoroughly, utterly routing all contestants in anyarguments that might come up. He was a human geyser, and when hislinguistic power got under full headway he fairly tore up all thetongues by their roots and trampled them under foot in the rush of hisstinging invective. Although of Italian origin, "Gassy" was born nearthe site of the Tower of Babel, and its propinquity and influence gavehim that varied volubility in expressing fine shades of meaning in manylanguages that made him the pride of the profession of which he was adistinguished light. His ebullitions were frequently hurled at the"boots" for neglecting his oxfords, placed outside his stateroom door, but soon afterward he became himself again, much to the general joy ofthe Alley. 

[Illustration: THE ABDICATION OF THE SULTAN, ABDUL HAMID II. --HIS LASTRIDE THROUGH THE STREETS OF CONSTANTINOPLE]

"Fumigalli" smoked so much that he gave all his time to thought, and weused him to plan future triumphs for us. Though he thought much heproduced but little. We all knew that he was evolving great projectsmentally, but somehow he could not get them out in front of thespot-light. His one great achievement was calling a meeting of protestagainst the Señor's boredom in the smoking-room. The meeting was heldand two resolutions were drafted to be read at dinner in the saloon;but somehow no one liked to hurt the Señor's feelings, and they werenever read. 

The "Condensed Milkmaids" were a pair of small, temperamental, clevergirls, so trim and smart that one would think they had just left theTrianon Dairy Farm in Versailles Park, after having milked a pint ofcream for the Queen, or for the royal favorite, Comtesse Du Barry. They wore Louis the XIV. (Street) high-heeled slippers, and were purelydecorative. Having no part in the executive management they knew theirplace and kept it. 

A young lady and her mother from New England (both members), gave theAlley a boost at the last concert. The daughter played a violin solo, accompanied by her mother, with such attack, feeling and technique thatif Paganini had been on earth he would have taken off his hat to her. 

It is perhaps true that the Alley had no tremendous personages in itsmembership, but its innate strength lay in this weakness for itrepresented the very embodiment of what is known as the concrete socialspirit, "one for all, all for one, " and with this motto it mighthave--and really did--stand against the entire ship. Neither thePurser, the Captain nor the crew dared oppose its opinions or wishes;in fact, the Alley thought of running down to Zanzibar and taking awhack at the lions before "Bwana Tumbo" even saw them. We don't liketo brag, but one of our members could, with one eye shut, hit anybutton on the metal man's coat in the shooting gallery, and with bothshut could bring down a wildebeeste. The mission of the Alley and itsfate now lie in the "womb of time, " and we must not hustle its destinybut calmly await developments. 

MALTA

We left for Malta, which was reached in two days, and cast anchor inthe harbor of Valetta, the capital. The island is celebrated as thehome of the Knights of Malta, the original birth-place of the Maltesecat, and the spot where the Maltese cross was invented--but notpatented. This island was conquered by the Romans 259 B. C. ; afterwardby Napoleon, from whom it was taken by England in 1800, and now indeedit's "quite English, you know. " Oh my! how English it is, to be sure!It's nothing but Tommy Atkins here, and Files-on-parade there;battle-ships "beyant, " and cruisers in the "offin', " mixed up withgunboats and bumboats and "gund_u_las, " till you would think you werestanding on the pier at "Suthampton. "

The marine bands mostly play _Rule Britannia_, but some of them essay_Annie Laurie_, and when these airs get mixed, it would try the soul ofRichard Wagner to stand the discord without resorting to profanity. Anyway, Mr. Bull has this island all to himself. Its fortificationsand harbor are the finest to be found on the globe, but how sad tothink they have been rendered useless by the modern battle-ship withthe long guns. (I was going to say the "long greens, " as they andbattle-ships always go together, no matter who pays the taxes. ) Butstill it charms the visitor with its fine climate and gay people. Itwas Carnival Day when we arrived, and the motley crowds in the street, in variegated raiment, pelted the "Corks" with all kinds of flowerswith the utmost good humor. 

There is a church on the water-front that is lined with the skulls andbones of the various armies of defenders: its name is "Old Bones, "which certainly bears out its character. 

A whole lot might be written about how the Knights of Malta became verygreat, then very small and degenerate, and finally were pushed into thediscard by the relentless hands of time and public opinion. Valettahas quite a number of people living there besides the soldiers andsailors, some 80, 000 I believe, but most of them are tired of climbingthe steep streets, many of which contain stairs. Lord Byron, having agame foot, got angry at them when he wrote:

 "Adieu, ye cursèd streets of stairs, How surely he who mounts you swears!"

We were shown the spot where St. Paul was ship-wrecked. The Malteseerected a colossal statue to Paul on Selmoon Island about fifty yearsago. They hold an annual feast there on February 10th, the allegeddate of his shipwreck, and as they have two hundred additional feastdays they have just one hundred and sixty-four days left for theirregular business--loafing. They have novel names for their hotels andsaloons, --the "Sea and Land Hotel, " "The Pirates' Roost" saloon, the"Quick Fire" lunch-room, "The Englishers' Chop-House, " and "The Camel'sDrink, " are some examples. Not from greed, but purely out ofcuriosity, mind you, we tested the latter, and it would have takenthree of what they gave us to make a regular "Waldorf highball. " Thusdoes the retributive principle of temperance put the rod in pickle forthose who would fool with its beneficent laws. 

GREECE

We left Malta and had Greece before us, which we reached in two days. Lord Byron aptly describes it in his famous poem which opens with:

 "The isles of Greece, the isles of Greece! Where burning Sappho loved and sung, Where grew the arts of war and peace, -- Where Delos rose, and Phoebus sprung! Eternal summer gilds them yet, But all, except their sun, is set. "

ATHENS

The Acropolis, or rocky mountain on which the celebrated group ofbuildings is found, was fortified more than a thousand years beforeChrist. It is the central spot of all that is greatest in art, letters, history, statecraft and philosophy since time began. This hasbeen the undisputed opinion of critics and historians for about threethousand years and stands uncontradicted to-day as it did in the verybeginning of things learned and artistic. 

[Illustration: MEHEMET V. , THE NEW SULTAN, AFTER THE INVESTITURE, LEAVING THE MOSQUE]

You are met toward the top of the ascent by the Propylaea that"brilliant jewel set on the rocky coronet of the Acropolis" as a kindof introductory vestibule to further greatness. It is the mostimportant secular work in Athens, consisting of a central gateway andtwo wings. It was begun in 439 B. C. It contains a wealth of Doricmarble columns, beautiful, carved friezes and metopes, with fivegateways spanned by great marble beams twenty feet long. All thesewonders compel the stranger to stand spellbound at the magnificence oftheir combined effect. 

Near by stands the Temple of Athena Nike, and close at hand is the siteof Phidias' colossal statue of Athena Promachos, the "fighter of thevan, " made of the spoils taken from the Persians at the battle ofMarathon; sixty-six feet high, in full armor, her poised lance wasalways a landmark for those approaching Athens. 

We now reach the temple, attached to which is the Portico of theMaidens, the Caryatides, and containing the shrine of Athena Polias. 

Next comes the great Parthenon, "the most impressive monument ofancient art, " built by Pericles in 438 B. C. It was adorned by statuesand monuments by Praxiteles, Phidias and Myron. It had fifty statues, one hundred Doric columns, ninety-two metopes, and five hundred andtwenty-four feet of bas-relief frieze, thus realizing the highest dreamof plastic art and the immortality of constructive genius. Within theinner sanctuary Phidias placed his chryselephantine figure of AthenaParthenos, the virgin, thirty-nine feet high, the flesh parts being inivory and the garments of fine gold. It is estimated that this goldwas worth almost 200, 000 pounds. For more than six centuries thevirgin goddess received here the worship of her devoted votaries. Inthe fifth century the Parthenon became a Christian church; when theTurks came they made it a mosque. The edifice remained in goodpreservation till the seventeenth century. In 1687 the Venetian, Morosini, besieged Athens and a shell from one of his guns ignited thepowder which the Turks had stored in the Parthenon. A destructiveexplosion followed and thus the most magnificent structure of the ages, which twenty-one centuries had spared, was reduced to ruins. Whatremains of it is still most majestic and when seen by moonlightinspires the greatest reverence. There is no speculative guess-work inthese statements, for in 1674 Jacques Carrey made a series of onehundred careful drawings of the Parthenon, which were confirmed by twoEnglish travellers, Messrs. Spon and Wheler, in 1675. These were thelast visitors who saw it before its destruction. 

The Acropolis Museum is also built on the hill. It contains manyinteresting things that could not be allowed to remain exposed to theweather. 

The vast Theatre of Dionysius, which held 30, 000 people, is also here. 

There are many other fine buildings, statues and temples on theAcropolis, but space will not permit of their description. 

We descend to a lower plateau and there find the remains of the vastTemple of Zeus Olympus, called by Aristotle, "a work of despoticgrandeur, " "in accordance, " as Livy adds, "with the greatness of thegod. " It contained an immense statue of Zeus. Originally it had morethan one hundred imposing marble Corinthian columns, arranged in doublerows of twenty each on the north and south sides, and triple rows ofeight each at the ends. Its size was three hundred and fifty-three byone hundred and thirty-four feet, which was exceeded only by the Templeof Diana. To its left is the Arch of Hadrian. Looking east is seenthe Stadium or racecourse. Here the Pan-Athenian games were held inolden times. It was laid out in 330 B. C. , and has been restored insolid white marble by a rich Greek. It cost a large sum of money andwill accommodate a multitude of spectators. The first year in whichthe revival of the games took place the Greek youths won twelve out oftwenty-seven prizes, the others going to various nationalities. 

[Illustration: HANGING THREE LEADERS OF THE ARMENIAN MASSACRE ON THEGALATA BRIDGE, CONSTANTINOPLE, MAY 3, 1909]

Beyond in the suburbs lies the public park owned by Academus in thefifth century before Christ. Plato and many other philosophers taughttheir pupils here, and from the name of the owner is derived the wordacademy. 

These are but a few of the commanding sights of Athens. No attemptwill be made to speak of the men and the wars that made her the _multumin parvo_ of human history. The modern Greeks are a serious and decentpeople; they seem to be impressed with the fact that their ancestorswere the salt of the earth, and at least try to be worthy of them. There is no begging in the streets (the Greeks being too proud to beg), and the people are quite respectable for their opportunities. Theircity is well laid out and built in modern style; it is prospering, having had only 45, 000 inhabitants in 1870, while the population is now150, 000. One cannot afford to treat either the Greeks or Athensflippantly; they are worthy of the highest praise and respect. 

TURKEY

CONSTANTINOPLE

After leaving Greece we threaded our way through the islands of theAegean Sea, the Dardanelles, the Sea of Marmora and the Bosphorus, toConstantinople, where we anchored at the mouth of the Golden Horn. Imust leave to the historian the dramatic and sensational history of thecapital of Turkey in its various shifts of ownership; perhaps no othercity has surpassed it as a factor in European affairs for a period oftwo thousand years. It was named after Constantine, the Roman Emperor, who was its chief builder. He tried to call it New Rome, but thistitle would not stick. On the Galata Bridge that leads to Stamboul, aracial panorama may be seen that embraces all the peoples of theOrient, and everywhere signs appeal in half a dozen languages. Theprivate histories of its rulers have also been of the most absorbingand exciting character, and were they described by a pen of authorityand with the necessary inside knowledge and information they wouldstill further shock and astonish the uninformed. 

The city was founded by the Dorian Greeks some seven hundred yearsbefore the beginning of the Christian era; later the Persians capturedit, then the Romans came and took charge. The Goths were the next menin possession, followed by Basil of Macedonia, who became Dictator. Then Mohammed was the man of destiny: the city fell into his hands andfrom that day to this the "unspeakable Turk" has ruled it. All thesechanges were brought about by battles at sea and on land, by sieges andthrough treachery, and with great loss of life, treasure and time. 

We employed a guide to take us to the Mosque of Sancta Sophia and theother principal show places. This man had formerly called himself"Teddy Roosevelt, " but he changed his name to "George Washington Taft, "in honor of our worthy President, thus making his cognomen thoroughlyAmerican and bringing it up to date at a stroke of the pen; but we toldhim this was no kind of a name for a guide in Turkey, and then andthere changed it to "Muley-Molech;" he was much pleased with his newhistorical title. "Muley-Molech" had a nose of vast proportions--whilenot so large as the _Lusitania's_ helm, yet it was exactly the sameshape; and he wore a moustache that ended in large, hirsuticalcorkscrews; his teeth were like small bits of marble stained withtobacco juice, and they had the effect of an arc made from the spear ofa sword fish, grim and terrible. Altogether he was a remarkableman--one to be feared at night when near the Bosphorus; although, ifthe bitter truth must be told, he avoided impartially both salt waterand fresh, whenever possible. My word! "Muley" was no ordinary, amateur Munchhausen! he was full of exact statements which he encrustedwith legends that were utterly bare-faced. After hearing one of hisflights of fancy, a fat brewer from the West remarked:

"It's better not to believe so much or to know so many facts thataren't so; but this is the devil of a place, anyhow; that's right!"

Muley looked at him with fine scorn and went on at his usual gait. Later I told him (Muley), the story of the Irish judge who once said toa prisoner whom he was about to sentence:

"We don't want anything from you but silence--and very little of that!"

This hint had a depressing effect, and Muley lost his nerve and thecharacter he had enjoyed with us of being a picturesque and fearlessliar. 

Sancta Sophia was built in Stamboul across the Golden Horn by theEmperor Justinian in 537 A. D. (fire having destroyed the edificeoriginally erected by Constantine and replaced by the church built byTheodosia, which was also burned). The dome is one hundred and eightyfeet from the floor. To adorn it, the Temple of Diana at Ephesus wasravaged of eight serpentine columns, and eight more of porphyry weretaken from the Temple of the Sun at Baalbek to add to its beauty. Itis alleged that its cost approached $64, 000, 000, including the "graft. "Its artistic value is greatly depreciated by the squalor of itsenvironment. Looking at this great pile, a speculative wag remarked, with a twinkle in his eye:

"It's all a question of money. Give me the financial assistance of J. D. R. , and with one of the big American construction companies to takethe contract I can produce a building fully equal to this in less timeand for very much less money. "

He was right. It would be only a question of deciding to do it. TheLandis' comic-opera fine would be sufficient. 

The Sultan's Palace and the ancient Hippodrome are also places of greatinterest. In the latter were deposited the four gilded bronze horses, supposed to have been brought from Scio, once mounted on Trajan's Archat Rome, brought here by Constantine. They were taken to Venice byDandolo, then Napoleon gave them to Paris, and finally after Waterloothey were restored again to St. Mark's at Venice. 

In Constantinople we also saw three or four other Mosques of greatsize, and the Seraglio grounds and Palace. In the latter we saw thegates through which the odalisks who had lost the sultan's favor passedbeyond to be executed. The passage of this gate made our flesh creepwhen we thought of all it meant to the unfortunates; but near by, inagreeable contrast, is the "Gate of Felicity, " which is the entrance tothe sultan's harem. Through this the new favorites entered andremained till they had grown old and lost their charm. 

[Illustration: "THE MOOSKI, " CAIRO. THERE ARE MILES OF STREETS IN THISARTISTIC MARKET WHERE RUGS, TAPESTRIES, LACES, AND ORIENTAL_BRIC-A-BRAC_ MAY BE SECURED BY THE ANXIOUS AT AN ALARMING SACRIFICE. EVERY MINUTE IS A BARGAIN DAY]

The Imperial Ottoman Museum is full of good things purloined from otherart centres. It contains many fine examples of Greco-Roman sculptures, statues and reliefs, in marbles, terra-cotta and bronze. The figuresof dancing women have a swing and their draperies a palpable swish--asif a breeze were stirring them--seen only in this school of art. Italso contains Alexander the Great's sarcophagus, which is regarded asone of the finest examples of Greek art in existence. 

The Grand Bazaar is both a sight and a town in itself, full of streets, entries, lanes and alleys, covered here and there as an arcade, intowhich the sun never penetrates. The dim light, the great crowds ofstrangely costumed people, --veiled women with their children in hand, attended by eunuchs, some chattering, some silent and aloof--but allintent on bargaining and eager for the fray. This novel and engrossingpicture is made possible and is enhanced by the bewildering variety anddisplay of Oriental goods and wares--rugs, perfumes, cosmetics, weapons, shawls, embroideries, inlaid tables, porcelains, brassware, silks, fans, jewels, laces, gold and silver ornaments of infinitevariety--all piled up and strewn about as if they had been pitchforkedby some magician into an enchanted market-place, with the god of greedand chance presiding. 

[Illustration: SAMPLES Of CONSTANTINOPLE'S BRAND OF "WHITE WINGS. "IT'S A SIGHT FOR GODS AND MEN TO SEE THESE JOLLY DOGS GOBBLE THETURKISH TIDBITS AFTER THE SUN HAS SET]

Limited space forbids the further description of things that arewonderful and interesting, but a few words must be said in regard tofacts we would rather not think about. The population is about1, 125, 000, and most visitors think there is a mangy, flea-bitten dogfor each inhabitant; but the official dog census has placed the caninepopulation at about 125, 000. The dogs of Stamboul and Constantinopleare a necessity and a book might be written about them alone, as theyhave ruled these cities from a sanitary point of view for over athousand years. If they did not set out at night and partially cleanup the town, Heaven only knows what it would be like! Their sway isundisputed, and woe betide him who either hurts or kills them--he is amarked man, not only by the Moslems but by the followers of otherreligions. They have no distinctive owners and just live by theirwits, which are keen to an advanced degree; they have rules of the roadof their own making, and the luckless cur that breaks them is put outof business in the twinkling of an eye. No one likes them, but theyare a thoroughly protected nuisance, for that protection means life tothe people. Without their services as devourers the population woulddie like flies, from epidemics and pestilence. All attempts at doingaway with the dogs have resulted in riots and bloodshed: when MehemetII. Rounded them up and exiled them to an island, a great epidemicimmediately set in and the rioters compelled the Sultan at the point ofthe sword to bring them back again. A later attempt was made by anOttoman chief-of-police to deport these canine "white wings" to AsiaMinor: he threw them overboard when out of sight of land, and when thiswas made public the mob literally tore him limb from limb. So it doesnot pay to monkey with the Sultan's pets in the home of their nativity. Although no one would suspect it, they have a high order ofintelligence and an acute instinct for local government. By someunwritten law they divide the town into districts with sharply definedboundaries invisible to the human eye, yet plainly apparent to theanimal. If an intruder crosses this line he is sorry for it before hereaches his first bone. The neighboring dogs pounce on him from alldirections, biting his legs, tail and ears, but stopping short whenthey in turn reach the line, for fear they may also get into troublefor trespassing. When one of the members of a district becomes sickand helpless his comrades do not wait for him to die; they just eat himup and have done with it. So no one ever sees a dead dog in Stamboul:professional pride and _esprit de corps_ step in, and the victim iswafted to the happy hunting grounds in less time than it takes to tellof it. 

The porters are celebrated for their great strength and the big loadsthey can carry. To see them do their work is a most interesting sight:four of them will carry a great cask filled with fluid and suspendedfrom two poles placed on their shoulders--a fair load for a team ofhorses. They carry these loads with the aid of ingenious appliancesand harness, and the amount of lumber, coal, dressed beef and liveanimals they transport for short distances is simply incredible. 

Soldiers are drilling everywhere and a raw lot they are. The treasuryis empty, and many of them have only one shoe, and some none at all, only a coarse stocking bound round with rags. They may be experts atkilling women and children, but they would make a sorry showing againsttrained soldiers. And then there are the "battleships:" fierce, devilish-looking bulldogs that could demolish any tin-lined fort inexistence if they could only hit it, or even if the sailors couldmanage to fire the guns--or in fact, if only the guns could be fired byany one--which is exceedingly doubtful. 

In smells, the vilest of the vile, including the acrid variety thatcuts the nostrils like a razor, Constantinople stands forever and aloneon a plinth of infamy, and no language that can be dragged into thearena of expression can be utilized to describe them. They paralyzethe intellect and dull the sense of punishment and acute agony. Nogladiator could enter the lists with them in deadly combat and live totell the tale. They arise in part from the debris and remnants ofcheese whose position in the flight of time was contemporaneous withthat of Alexander the Great; from fish that must have darted beneaththe keels of the ships at the battle of Salamis; from tallow, used togrease the chariot wheels at the battle of Marathon (now sold asbutter); and from the embalmed beef that was left over from the CrimeanWar. These with many powerful additions supply the main force andfoundation of all this pervading "sweetness;" but the distinguishing"high lights" come from minor causes, such as the onions of last yearrotting in nets hanging in the sun, strings of garlic returned tocirculation by the Argonauts when they came back from hunting thegolden fleece, but now hung as a badge of trade on the door-jambs; andthe frying of eggs, that have long lost their market value, with Bombay_ghee_ and young garlic, the whole mellowed and perhaps refined by thecontinual vapors from open sewers. One fragrance that perhaps ticklesthe olfactory nerve with more delicacy than all others and might becalled a perfumed "dream, " comes from baking a garlic pie piping hot inthe open, with Turkish Limburger as a substantial ingredient. Thiszephyr when in full action sets at naught the vain attempt ofasafoetida to hold its place in the history of smells that used to rankwith Araby the Blest. If Alexander had inhaled one whiff of thiscombination in its full purity it would have floored him inConstantinople and he could not have lived to conquer the world. Oneof the "Corks" fainted when he hit the embalmed beef zone and was takento the rear in a red cross ambulance. 

[Illustration: A CROWD AT THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE, JERUSALEM, WAITING FOR THE DOORS TO OPEN. EACH TRIBE IS IMPATIENT TO ENTER ANDOCCUPY ITS OWN SPACE]

The sights in these places are too dreadful for publication, and as forthe taste--well, I tried a speck of fried sausage and thought I hadtouched a live wire! it left a scar on my tongue. We made a specialexcursion to see these sights and experience the smells. The driver ofour carriage took advantage of a stop to take a drink at a Turkish_café_; the procession of vehicles began to move, and as we were in themiddle of it our horses had to move too. This left us without a driverand I had to mount his seat and drive half a mile at a walk before ourman caught up with us. In the crowded, narrow streets this experiencewas not a pleasant one, but I did the best I could and nothing happenedof note excepting that in turning a sharp corner the team ran up on thesidewalk, from which I was chased with wild gestures and easternprofanity by a Turkish son of a wooden gun, much to the amusement ofthe natives and the rest of the procession. Still, the Turks, who aresteeped in these conditions, seem to enjoy them: they laugh and joke atthe unsuccessful attempts of the outlander to acquire their tastes. Ifthey are happy, why should we object?

[Illustration: THIS IS QUEEN HATSHEPSET'S DER-AL-BAHARI TEMPLE ATTHEBES, ORNAMENTED WITH FINE GOLD. THE ORIGINAL METHODS BY WHICH"HATTY" SWIPED THE MONEY TO BUILD THIS TEMPLE LEAVE WALL STREET TIED TOTHE HITCHING POST AT THE SUB-TREASURY STEPS]

The costumes of the Turk are without number: there is no cut norpattern of garment that is not embraced in their fashion plates and thecolors run riot through all the gamut of the rainbow. But, seriously, they beat all other nations in the arrangement of their head-dress; noTurk is too poor or too low in caste to devote his time and attentionto what he wears on his head. Of course, the rich ones have immenseturbans, woven with stranded ropes of cloth in bright parti-colors, placed on the head as a finish to the toilet with as much care as awedding cake is posed on a table; but the _poor_ Turk takes a red fezas a basis to build on, and will, with cheese-cloth, or a strip of oldtoweling, or a wisp of worn-out silk and some feathers, turn out aneffect that it is almost impossible to imitate even where amplefacilities are at hand. Some of them wear their turbans well back onthe head, some pitched forward, many with a rake to the side; but allwith the artistic instinct that compels instant admiration. They arethe "old masters" of headgear and their masterpieces may be seen by thethousand in any crowded street. 

[Illustration: OUR HOSPITABLE HOST AND HOSTESS IN THEIR SALON WHERETHEY ENTERTAINED US AT JERUSALEM]

About the time we were in Constantinople, the new Turkish politicalforce known the world over as the "Young Turks' movement, " was justspringing into life. The members of this body were eager to meet andmix with visitors and obtain their views and opinions of theprobabilities of success, and a general endorsement of their work; soit was no trouble to have them visit us on the _Cork_, as she lay atanchor at the mouth of the Golden Horn. We conversed with them freelyand listened to the recital of their wrongs and how they proposed toright and correct them. Political corruption and "graft, " they said, were rampant everywhere, destroying the country and blighting everyenterprise and industry. A Young Turk told me that many manufactorieswould be started were it not that the rapacity of the horde of pettyofficials was such that all must get a share of the spoils before alicense could be granted, and that paying this toll would amount tomuch more than the cost of the factory. From the sultan down to thesmallest custom house official, all must get a squeeze out of thevictim whom they meet in any kind of business. The appellation, "TheSick Man of the East, " presents in brief the picture of an unwholesomelooking man, who is allowed to sit tight on his throne and plunder hispeople because the Powers can't agree on the division of his empire. When one looks at Abdul in his carriage one sees at a glance acoffee-colored knave who, when he gazes at the crowd from behind themask of his face, is simply engaged in scheming a new twist in "graft, "and wondering whether or not they can stand it and live. The Sultan isan expert pistol-shot and has killed many native visitors without theslightest proof that they were about to do him harm; if they made asuspicious movement of any kind he shot them down in cold blood and hadthem thrown into the Bosphorus. Abdul had an eye on the main chanceand did not consider it wise to have all his eggs in one basket, so hedeposited the hundred million dollars he wrung from his people--what iscalled his "private fortune"--in banks all over the world. The YoungTurks are after this "pile, " and he is not likely to retain it all andsave his neck from the rope. Perhaps his most horrible crime wasinstigating the annihilation of 360, 000 Armenians: this act aloneplaces him on the pedestal of infamy for all time. But the pedestal isrocking, and his hour is near at hand. His territory in Europe hasshrunk from 230, 000 to 60, 000 square miles. In a little while therewon't be much left to divide, but there are other forces at work, andthese serious natives tell you that nothing can now stop the progressof the task they are engaged in and that the days of the sultan arenumbered. We believed in their sincerity and determination, and wishedthem every success. As a wind-up it will perhaps amuse the reader tonote the high-sounding list of titles that the sultan--this "cutpurseand king of shreds and patches"--has given to himself. Here they are, all fresh roasted, with a few added words to fill in the interstices ofhis portrait:

THE SULTAN'S TITLES

"Abdul Hamid, Beloved Sultan of Sultans, Emperor of Emperors;"

"The Shadow of God upon the Earth;"

"Brother of the Sun"--(_Times_ and _Tribune_);

"Dispenser of Crowns"--(half-crowns and tu'penny-bits)--"to Those whoSit upon Thrones"--(and gunny-bags);

"Sovereign of Constantinople"--(and of all its mangy, flea-bitten dogs);

Easy Boss of Broussa, as well as Damascus, which is the "Scent ofParadise;"

"King of Kings"--(and two-spots); whose army is the asylum of "graft"and dummy guns; at the foot of whose throne sits Justice with thebandage off one eye so she can watch the coin!

SMYRNA

We left Constantinople without regret and steamed up into the BlackSea, making a circle in it, and then returned down into the Sea ofMarmora, so as to get a good view of both the Asiatic and Europeansides of the city; then out, through the Dardanelles and on to Smyrna. This passage was all over classic ground, and every mile of it has madehistory for thousands of years. 

Smyrna has 225, 000 people, and is the cleanest and most respectablecity the Turks own. In ancient times Croesus lived here after he hadmade his pile, and at the present day great numbers of wealthy men makeit their home, and there is a good deal of luxury seen in the suburbs. It has the trade from Asia Minor. Homer was born here, and wrote andsang his immortal poetry along its rocky shores. It was conquered byAlexander the Great, and after he had destroyed it he ordered itrebuilt a few miles farther off so as not to forget it, and it becamevery prosperous. The Knights of Malta and the Arabs fought the Turksfor many years for its possession, but the Turks have held it againstall comers up to date. It was shaken down to ruins by an earthquake in180 A. D. , and this was followed by disastrous shocks in 1688, 1788, and1880. 

Its great trade is in figs, dates, sponges, silks, and rugs; but thegreatest of these is the rug. These stuffs come in loaded on longtrains of camels. I may say that no one has any idea of what thisanimal is like if he has only seen it in a zoo or in a circus parade. I watched the trains by the hour with absorbing interest. Theprofessional, business camel is a big, fine, intelligent animal, whocarries himself with the utmost dignity and strides along lookingneither to the right nor the left, refusing to take notice of any noiseor disturbance that would--and often does--upset his owners, whom hefollows with implicit confidence. He is willing to make an honest andprompt return for his food and the care that is given him. I could nothelp thinking that if a man from Mars came down and did not know theconditions here, he would think the camel was master, and not the noisycrowd that surrounded him. 

St. Polycarp, the second Bishop of Smyrna, was executed here because hewould not recant his faith; he was a disciple of the Apostle John, andthis incident shows the antiquity of the place. 

The trade of Smyrna exceeds that of Constantinople: five thousandpeople are engaged in making rugs, but the best ones are brought in oncamel back from seven hundred miles away. They have a curious way ofselling the rugs that arrive from the interior: the dealer must buy theunopened bales with no opportunity to examine the rugs, so it is reallya lottery and feeds the desire for gambling that prevails in businessdealings in the Orient. 

Smyrna is a beautiful, oriental city; it produces nothing, butexchanges everything and gets a shave for doing it: it is the home ofEastern luxury and of the finest women in Asia. Much more could bewritten about this city with a guide-book as a basis of information, but it would not be interesting produced in this way. 

We heard a native "ragtime" band, playing tom-tomic strains--the lyricstyle of dinner-gong music that tears holes in the air. The leader wasan imitator of Sousa and had his gymnastic eccentricities down to afine point. He executed a fantasia on his horn of plenty that broughta shower of silver on the stage. We were told that the members of theorchestra were called the "Flowers of Music from Stamboul, " and wereworking their passage to the "halls" of the European capitals. May thehat never be returned empty nor the charm of their work grow less!

THE HOLY LAND

JAFFA

Our next stopping place was Jaffa, the port of Jerusalem. The water atthe landing is very rough, but the sturdy natives jump into the boats andshow rare skill in handling the passengers, tossing them round like sheepinto safe spots of vantage in the large boats used for disembarkation. 

Jaffa has a population of 35, 000. It is celebrated for its fine oranges, which grow in profusion about the city to the extent of 8, 000, 000 orangesevery year. It has fine trains of camels, and 15, 000 pilgrims to theHoly Land pass through it annually, many of them Russian pilgrims. Itcosts them about $60 to make the trip, and many of them spend their livesin saving this money for the purpose. The railroad to Jerusalem isfifty-four miles long. Simon the tanner was born here; his house wassupposed to be on the hillside, but another house farther down the hillat the water-front was agreed on by those financially interested, so asto have something notable to show the visitor just as he stepped from thegang-plank. A guide said to us, pointing out a thirty-year old fig tree:

"Dar is de feeg tree de great man preech under all dose years ago; longtime, ain't it?"

The streets are narrow and crooked, no room for vehicles, so we had totrek about two miles to the railroad station, the baggage being sentthere by teams. After getting on the train we ran through orange, fig, olive, lemon, pomegranate and date groves, then over a great flat, fertile plain, the Plain of Sharon, fifty miles long and averaging eightmiles wide, ploughed by camels, oxen and horses. This gave way to landsnot so good, but covered by a great variety of flowers, followed by stonypatches, and finally by ranges of bare, rocky mountains with but littlevegetation on them and quite forbidding and desolate in their appearance;but every mile was historic ground. We were shown the town said to bethe Arimathea of the New Testament, and the Crusaders' Tower, one hundredand twenty feet high. Here Samuel was a judge and Israel asked for aking. Then the Hill of Gezer, with ruins of the old city presented toSolomon by Pharaoh as a dowry for his daughter. Now we see Zorah, thebirthplace of Samson, where the Ark was held up by the Philistines beforethey returned it to the Israelites, fearing it would bring a curse onthem, and also where he tied burning brands to the foxes' tails so as toset fire to the ripening crops. 

[Illustration: THE MOSQUE OF OMAR, JERUSALEM--"THE FINEST BUILDING IN THEEAST. " THE TURKS AND MOHAMMEDANS WASH THEIR FEET IN THE DRINKINGFOUNTAINS HERE, BUT THAT, OF COURSE, IS A MERE DETAIL. IT CLEARLY SHOWS, HOWEVER, THE COURAGEOUS FREEDOM AND _SANS SOUCI_ OF THE PEOPLE]

Farther along we come to Bittir, so strongly fortified that it took theRomans three years to capture it, costing them the lives lost in thehorrible massacre described in the Talmud--one of the largest in allhistory. 

And now the train stops at Jerusalem. This railroad is a tiny affair, and the officials marked up the class of some of its carriages bypainting out one numeral from "II, " leaving it a "I" class carriage, thusturning a second into a first just to keep up the spirit of deceptionthat is the potent atmosphere of the Holy Land. But we were in Jerusalemand didn't care a rap, even though the varnish on the seats was wet andwe were stuck to them like limpets to a rock in the sea. 

It was quite a strain on the Holy City to take care of such a crowd, butall was well managed and we were comfortably stowed away somewhere (manyin convents), and only the most confirmed "kickers" could offer any fairobjection to the arrangements. 

JERUSALEM

Very few writers and hardly any lecturers and speakers who have visitedJerusalem have told the truth about it, or if some of them have, theytold only the pleasant part of it. In fact, it has usually been given atreble coat of whitewash, entirely misleading to those who are to followthem. When the writer holds Jerusalem to be the greatest of historicalcities with all the reverence due to it, and yet finds it in the hands ofthe Turkish government--which does not know the meaning of truth nor ofhonesty; which by its example prostitutes every decent feeling in theminds of the people to its own base ends, and permits the barefacedrobbery and oppression, not only of the visitor but of its owncitizens--then I say the modern writer has a delicate task to perform indescribing it, for in relating the facts he might seem to be railing andscoffing at religion and biblical history, whereas nothing is fartherfrom his mind or his intention. Everything is so interwoven that it ishard to separate the serious and truthful from the ridiculous andfraudulent. This deceit is not alone of to-day; it goes back to thetimes when landmarks and historic evidences were obliterated by wars, earthquakes and revolutions, and when all traces of locations duringthese upheavals of centuries were lost and covered with _débris_sometimes one hundred and fifty feet deep, the city of Jerusalem itselfnot having a single inhabitant for over fifty years in one period of itshistory. Then the "holy men" of those old days saw at once theiropportunity to make religion both popular and paying, as well as thenecessity for doing so, and they therefore invented a system of "piousfrauds" by selecting bogus sites on particular spots for this, that, andthe other incident which occurred in the great religious dramas in theHoly Land. These selections gave the ignorant, to whom they whollyappealed, some material, practical object on which to lay hold--somethingto worship which they could see and feel; and this was where the profitlay. Thus we find that there are crowded in the rooms of the Church ofthe Holy Sepulchre over thirty "sacred sites. " There is the exact spotwhere the clay was found to make Adam; Adam's grave; the tears of theVirgin petrified in the form of a cross. Then there is the Stone ofUnction; near by the Chapel of the Parted Raiment, where Christ's clotheswere gambled for; again, the spot where He was crowned with thorns; theplace where they scourged Him; that spot beyond is where they nailed Himto the cross--and the hole for the cross has been carefully cut out, nodoubt by the best local stone-cutter not so many years ago. Then thereis the long story of the finding of the true cross--but why further speakof these absurd fictions, intended to fool and work upon the poor Greek, Armenian, Syrian, Latin, Copt, Abyssinian and Russian pilgrims--in fact, all who are ignorant and credulous and will give _bakshish_ to these fatand sleek bandits, who never did an honest day's work in their lives andwho couldn't be driven with a shotgun to do any kind of labor! At birththey are dedicated to organized robbery and oppression and they have nothought of disturbing this dedication--not if they know it! For fees, they show the "Cradle, " a heavy, marble bath tub that would take many mento rock it with a crowbar. They exhibit the "Manger, " also in marble(!), that never had a straw in it, and if you seem credulous they willtell you anything they think you will swallow. I pretended to believethem, and in consequence got a load of lies that would have made Ananiasclap his hands with joy. And so on _ad infinitum_! By one "holy"pretence and another they rob these poor victims of their money till itis all gone, when they are allowed to go home as best they may. Allreligions, including the Roman Catholic and the Protestant, shouldcombine to form a universal commission, which should be supplied withfunds raised by public subscription the world over for the purpose ofregulating Jerusalem. The objectionable buildings and "fake" objectsshould be razed to the ground, and it should be the duty of thiscommission to set forth and establish the authentic, historical sites andlocations as nearly as reasoning and induction can locate them, and itshould also be its province to see that proper treatment, protection andaccommodation are given the poor pilgrims who go there annually; the richand educated can take care of themselves. 

The whole city is in a most disgusting state--unclean, vile andunspeakable in almost every respect; it is the sink of Christendom andits condition is a disgrace to humanity and to all sects of religion. 

Jerusalem is a very old city: Abraham lived there and it was David'scapital. When Solomon was king it was one of the mighty and magnificentcities of the world. Sixteen sieges have destroyed it, and the city ofto-day is really built on the ruins of its seven predecessors. Howutterly preposterous, then, is it for any one to attempt to identify thesacred places! The present population is 60, 000. It is a walled cityand has eleven gates. The Mosque of Omar is its principal feature; thiswas completed by Solyman the Magnificent in 1561; parts of theconstruction were done by the Crusaders. It has a noble dome and is amasterpiece of architectural beauty; it is said to be one of the finestbuildings in Asia. 

In the Church of the Holy Sepulchre the various sects have certainportions allotted to them for worship; the lines between them are guardedby armed soldiers, and if even an unintentional trespass is committed, abloody riot usually ensues. In one of these three men were killed andmany wounded a few days before we arrived, and the defeated sects wereplanning reprisals when we were leaving. This is Christianity at highpressure, and is characteristic of the whole place. 

We saw Mount Zion, the Mount of Olives, the Damascus Gate, Calvary, theGarden of Gethsemane, the Pool of Siloam, the Pool of Bethesda, and theother celebrated places mentioned in the Bible. These were fairlyauthentic, as they were not "spots, " but wide places of considerabledimensions, and not gathered under one roof. 

[Illustration: THE WAILING PLACE, JERUSALEM. THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS, THE BETTER]

The condition of the "Wall of Wailing"--which, by the way, is an open, paved court--is particularly offensive in a sanitary sense and noself-respecting person should enter it. Some writers have spoken plainlyabout these things. Here is a quotation from an eminent writer on theEast, Dr. D. E. Lorenz, who knows his subject thoroughly, and to whom Iam indebted for other data herewith:

"The moral degeneracy of the people as a whole is incredible. Profanityand obscenity are said to be mingled in the speech of the common peopleto an extent unknown among almost any other people on earth. Filthyhomes and utter uncleanliness of person are the general rule. Sanitationis almost wholly disregarded, and it is a wonder that a plague does notsweep away all the inhabitants. . . . Dishonesty is reduced to a fineart. . . . The crowded streets with their Babel of confusion--the shoutsof the donkey boys, the loud cries of the camel drivers, and the calls ofthose who would sell their wares to every passer-by, together with thehurly-burly of people in strange garb and speaking in strangetongues--all this tends to destroy . . . The religious glamour. "

The "puller-in" and the "barker" of Baxter Street and the Bowery are meresucking doves compared with the vendors of Jerusalem: they will get infront of you and pull you into their shops, and the only way you canprevent an assault is to jump to the other side of the street or diveinto an alley. If you do not buy from them they will guy you and tellyou to your face that they wish Americans would stay at home unless theywill spend their money like the gentlemen they pretend to be. If at theend you buy nothing, they will shout derisively, "Skidoo! twenty-three!no good!" and other slang of a more or less complimentary nature. TheEnglish rule them with a rod of iron; they thrash them with a cane orwhip which they carry for the purpose, and consequently the natives donot bother Johnnie Bull but allow him to pass in silence. The EmperorWilliam was here a short time since, and they opened a new gate to lethim in and removed the small boulders from the road so that his ImperialMajesty might not be jolted in driving about the country. William wantsto be friendly and get a big slice of the "melon" at the cutting. LadyBurdett-Coutts, noticing the dangerous character of the water, offered toequip a fine, free system for the city, taking the supply from the headwaters of the Jordan, but the sultan refused the offer unless he did thebuilding. This proposal Lady Coutts declined, well knowing that if sheaccepted it there would be no works, but that the "Brother of the Sun"would keep the money. 

The "Corks" were invited to a reception in Jerusalem given by a nativelady in her own home, surrounded by every luxury and refinement as theseare known in Asia Minor. She received us very graciously, with adistinguished, high-bred air, knowing just what to say and do at thepsychological moment. She treated Mrs. Galley-West with the sameimpartiality that she showed toward some of the aristocratic members ofthe Rittenhouse Square set of Philadelphia who honored us with theirpresence. She was highly educated and an accomplished linguist, sopractically all the varieties of Volapuk were alike familiar to her, andshe could make Jean, Ivan, Hans, Franz or Johnny equally at home in herpresence; as, if she could not quite "hit it off" with him in onelanguage, she could quickly shift to another and talk to him in the kindin which he could best express himself. 

Music was rendered and refreshments served by natives in oriental styleand costume. Her husband was an American, an enthusiastic collector ofceramics and Levantine _bric-à-brac_, and the owner of a celebratedcollection of scarabs--not bought at the Luxor factory, but separatedfrom the mummies with the golden lever one must use to acquire thesetreasures; because it is the same, whether a collector has them dug fromthe graves for gold or whether he buys them after some one else has dugthem. We know the practice here in another form (only ours is on asilver basis), when we catch our speckled beauties in the mountainstreams with a silver hook and hang them high on a pole at supper timefor local fame and universal admiration. Anyhow, the "real thing" inscarabs is not to be sneezed at when it is a fact that they have lainbeside a Pharaoh in his grave long before Noah thought of laying the keelof his _Mauretania_. And don't forget that our first captain must havehad a live pair of them on his historic houseboat, in order that theyshould be cavorting on the banks of the Nile to-day. But this indulgencein "piffle" has led us away from the main entrance, and we must come backto the floor of the _salon_ in which our reception was being conducted. 

Large operations in excavation are now in progress in the East, andsometimes they "strike it rich, " as the boys used to say in Nevada. Oneof these companies uncovered a terra-cotta lamp factory, in which werefound literally thousands of small, crude lamps, each with a _strupe_ tohold the wick through which the oil passed. These were of two sizes, thesmall ones being called "wise virgins, " and the larger ones "foolishvirgins. " There were at least a thousand of them on hand at thebeginning of the reception, and each guest was given one by our hostess. When it came to my turn, my heart was in my mouth! She asked which Iwould have, so I said, "Oh, madam, give me a 'foolish virgin, ' by all means!"

Her smiling face turned at once to stone. She handed me a lamp with afreezing look, in this way trying to stem the tide of giggles that thisrequest provoked. It was no use; the character of the sacred functionwas forever lost through my thoughtless way of asking for the lamp. 

Slowly and alone, I "hiked" back to the hotel, feeling that as areceptionee I had "put my foot in it, " and must in future be regarded asa social back number. 

JERICHO

_The Jordan and the Dead Sea_

After visiting all the places in Jerusalem that were of interest to us, we set out in carriages for a long and tiresome drive to Jericho and itsenvirons. We passed Gethsemane and went over the Mount of Olives toBethany. The Mount of Olives is four thousand feet above sea level, andconsequently has a perfect climate even in hot weather. From it we sawthe plain of the Jordan and the mountains of Moab in the distance--trulya magnificent panorama. After awhile we reached the "Good Samaritan" Innand had some rest and refreshments there. An old Bedouin, tall, spare, and with a fine, military bearing, had a lot of old flint-lock guns forsale at the inn, but his historical knowledge and dates were decidedlymixed. He didn't care anything about facts or the truth if he could onlysell a gun to a credulous customer. To give verisimilitude to hisstatements, he said he had fought at Waterloo on the English side and hadkilled Napoleon with one of these guns--he did not know which, but thebuyer could have his choice. As this was the grandest and most daringlie I had ever heard, I gave him an American quarter, for which he wasvery grateful, as he needed the money. 

[Illustration: THE DEAD SEA WITH THE LONE FISHERMAN IN FRONT. HE HASJUST HEARD THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BITING AND IS SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED INCONSEQUENCE]

We went down through wild mountain gorges to the plain below. In formertimes the Bedouins who infest these mountains robbed the visitors andwere a menace to travel, so it became the custom to "settle" with thechiefs for "protection" (from themselves) before starting. Themanagement paid up for us and we were duly protected. In none of Gilbertand Sullivan's comic operas can any incident be found that is moredelicious in its comicality and topsy-turvyism than was our experiencewith these bandit chiefs. They were mounted on small, nimble horseswhich had all the sure-footedness and agility of the chamois, and sprangfrom rock to rock with surprising certainty. The rider chief was armedto the teeth: he had a long rifle, that had not been fired since the lastsiege of Jerusalem slung across his back, round his body were courses ofdaggers, pistols and dirks--awfully bloodthirsty-looking things, don'tyou know; then he wore a magnificent, three-story turban, topped off witha big bunch of dyed green alfalfa; the _tout ensemble_ was completed by adark red, flowing robe which swept behind him in the wind like the wingsof an angel of death. This great man would bow to us ceremoniously, place his hand on his heart, put spurs to his horse and dash to the topof the nearest hill; then, shading his eyes, he would scan the horizonwith careful scrutiny. Now with leaps and bounds he would descend again, and planting himself before us in the road, would announce that therewere no robbers in sight, or that his appearance had frightened them off, and then shout at the top of his voice, "BAKSHISH! BAKSHISH!!"

although he had been already paid. There were four of them guarding us, and at the end they lined up across the road with the idea that we wouldhave to settle, but we brushed through them, pushing some of them ontheir backs, so their bluff was "called. "

Rooms were scarce at the Jordan hotels, and the drivers of the lightcarriages were anxious to get there ahead of one another in order tosecure the first choice for their fares; so a general edging up tookplace which resulted finally in a steeplechase across the fields, inwhich several were thrown out. Our carriage led for the last mile, butwas passed by two others at the finish, thus giving us third place andsingle rooms as our reward. 

My apartment was a whitewashed cell, without ventilation, but it was"mine own" and I was happy. The mirror was hung so high that I had tomake a pyramid of three boxes on which to stand while shaving. They werequite rickety, and I was between the Scylla of cutting my throat with therazor and the Charybdis of breaking my bones by a fall on the floor. Neither happened, however. 

[Illustration: RIVER JORDAN, WHERE WE CROSSED ON A FERRY-BOAT; THE ONLYREASON FOR DOING IT WAS TO TRY A VOYAGE WITHOUT STEWARDS' FEES]

We went in to dinner. The hotel put up a fine showing of red napkins, plated cruet stands (with nothing in the bottles), bundles of toothpicks, last week's bread, bright green pickles (that had been dropped into somekind of pungent, commercial acid which would have made excellent ratpoison); paper napkins with Corot landscapes printed on them; and plentyof gingersnaps and lady fingers, pretty thoroughly flyblown; the wholesupplemented with sheaves of wild flowers cut in the fields with ascythe. It all looked grand and imposing for the money, but somehowlacked the substantial body (as well as fragrance) of beefsteak andonions. The _pièce de resistance_ however, really consisted of stewedkid and roast goat. I could not stomach either, so I went out and boughtthree fresh eggs from a native who kept hens, had them boiled fourminutes and was the envy of the entire crowd ever after. 

There was a large courtyard, and a big, dark, Byronic-looking dragomancame round and proposed a barbaric dance to our people. Ali Cocash washis name, and he described this dance as an imitation of a fierce andbloody orgy, such as the Bedouins indulge in after a great victory. Theywere to shout, grunt and brandish their guns, dirks, pistols and swords, and to behave generally in a very disreputable manner; in fact, Aligravely intimated that it would be no place for timid ladies. Thissimply whetted our appetites and we promptly closed with him for thedance for a certain amount of "teep. " The hat was passed and the tipsput in. Then a row of about twenty-five as hangdog-looking Bedouins aswere ever strung up in the Valley of Jehoshaphat began a kind of mewlingcry, such as a rat would make in a trap. This did not satisfy us and wewent for Cocash; we wanted "blood!" or at least an imitation of crime anddeviltry. Ali consulted with the Bedouins and came back with a smilingsolution of our difficulty. He said, "My men have had a hard day's work and are tired and not able to dothemselves justice, but if you give them more 'teep, ' they will give youa good show and you will see something, sure. "

Again the hat was passed, and the sons of the desert, after some rest, began anew. This time they brought torches with them, and they did makean abominable lot of noise and flung their armory about in a reallyreckless fashion. One of them dropped a burning torch on his neighborand set fire to his clothes; this led to a fight which soon becamegeneral, and they began to bang one another right and left with anythingthat came to hand. Blood was flowing freely and the dragoman was indespair. He rushed into a stable and came out with a wooden pitchforkwith which he drove them back, and restored order once more. 

Two accomplished young ladies from the _Cork_ then gave us a skirt dance, which happily closed a very exciting day. I went to bed in my cell. Itwas a fine, moonlight night, and a three-cornered contest soon startedbetween donkeys braying, jackals howling and dogs barking; but we werevery tired, and they made no more impression on us than would Raff's_Cavatina_ played on the violin with a mute. 

We were up early next morning and off for the Jordan and the Dead Sea. We stopped to look at and drink of Elisha's Fountain, a fine, copiousspring forming a large stream. Near it I talked with several Germanofficers who were making excavations for some German savants. They hadgot down to where the old buildings had been, and were pleased with theirprospects. They were nice fellows, and very hospitable--strangers in astrange land usually are. 

Next we came to Gilgal, and then to the Jordan. I crossed it in a canoefor sixpence--not that I had any business on the other side, but just tosay that I did it, and to make some kind of a voyage for once withouttips to the stewards on the passage. The river is about one hundred andthirty-seven miles long and falls three thousand feet on its way to theDead Sea. They do a large bottling business at places on the banks, where the natives bottle the water and sell it to visitors for baptismalpurposes all over the world. 

Lower down is the Dead Sea; it is forty-seven miles long, nine mileswide, and thirteen hundred feet deep. Its surface is thirteen hundredfeet below sea level; this and the shelter of the hills makes the countryvery hot in this valley. The Dead Sea water contains five times as muchsalt as the ocean. Six and a half million tons of water flow into itfrom the Jordan daily, which amount is evaporated, as the sea has nooutlet. No living thing can exist in it, and the bathers who try to swimrise to the surface like corks. 

We returned to Jerusalem the way we had come, meeting a train of eightycamels on the way, which some one called the "oriental express. " Afterstaying a couple of days at Jerusalem, we returned to the _Cork_, whichwas waiting for us at Joppa. The natives had not "moved" Simon thetanner's house again and we saw it once more. 

We sailed for Alexandria and reached it next day. Alexandria is now abig, modern town and has a great history behind it, too long for anyrepetition here. Not long ago, before "Charley" Beresford, the popularIrish admiral, had gained his title, he commanded the _Condor_ at thesiege of this city, and before the Turks knew it he had stolen undertheir forts and they could not point their "graft"-made guns down on him. Through this advantage he "batted out" a famous victory and the Turkssurrendered in short order. After he had completed the _coup_, hisadmiral signaled the now famous words, "Well done, _Condor_!" which rivalthe Duke's, "Up, Guards, and at them!" of Waterloo memory. He is to-dayalmost as well known and as great a favorite in America as he is inLondon. 

We took the train and arrived at Cairo in four hours. 

EGYPT

CAIRO

Cairo is the largest city in Africa, having a population of 570, 000, ofwhom 35, 000 are Europeans. It is the Paris of the East, and is themost varied and fascinating place on the earth. It is a military citywith English soldiers, Arab lancers, Soudanese infantry and Egyptiancavalry, all in picturesque variety of uniform; added to this is thegayety of the official government life, all on pleasure bent. Most oftheir time is spent in play, as they only work from 10 till 1 P. M. --theclimate prevents longer hours. Cairo has every amusement of theEuropean capital, and each is played for all it is worth. I was therein 1874 on my way round the world, and I now found it so much changedand improved that it was a strange place to me. I stayed at"Shepheard's" both times. On my first visit this hotel was set in atropical park and had no buildings near it; now it is closelysurrounded by high, costly, substantial structures quite cosmopolitanin their appearance. It was the only good hotel then; now there arehalf a dozen rivals, as Egypt has become a great winter resort forfashion and health. From Shepheard's veranda, crowded with tourists, one may see hawkers of all kinds yelling, or coaxing possiblepurchasers, and offering post-cards, ornamental fly-whisks, walking-sticks, shawls, scarabs, etc. ; snake charmers, boys withperforming animals, jugglers, and every possible thing you can think ofthat might be bought for a souvenir; then we have the Egyptian womenwith blue gowns and their faces below the eyes hidden by hideous blackveils; Bedouins from the desert; a pasha in state, with runners bothbefore and behind his carriage; a professional letter-writer who for acouple of _piastres_ will write a letter in almost any desiredlanguage; a camel train laden with oriental merchandise passing in themidst of trolley-cars, bicycles and automobiles; a fellah woman with adonkey loaded with baskets of poultry, or a turkey vendor driving hisflock before him, guiding its movements by a palm branch; a milkmandriving his cow and milking it in public for his waiting customers; awedding procession preceded by a group of dancing girls, or twohalf-naked mountebanks engaging in pretended combats; a gaudilybedecked bride riding in a gorgeous palanquin borne by two camels, followed by camels carrying furniture and presents; a funeralprocession with black-shawled professional mourners howling theirmercenary grief--all this and more too is Cairo. 

[Illustration: POOL OF SILOAM, JERUSALEM, HOLY LAND]

The climate of Egypt is peculiar: from noon till 5 P. M. It is hot anduncomfortable; the other nineteen hours are delightfully cool inwinter, the air being very dry and healthful, with little or no rain. At Cairo the Citadel is the main attraction. It stands on a ramparttwo hundred and fifty feet above the city and is a splendid fortress. The city has many mosques--hundreds of them; the most important one isthat of Sultan Hassan. The Museum is very interesting, and containsthe best things from all the temples of Egypt, objects that could notwell stand exposure nor the risk of theft. Then, of course, there arethe Pyramids of Gizeh, three in number, and the Sphinx. These worldwonders are about six miles from Cairo. Few will realize that the bigone sits on a base of thirteen acres and is over four hundred and fiftyfeet high. Pick out in your mind's eye some large field of about thatsize, and then build it up from that base and you will have some ideaof what this structure is like. It contains three million cubic yardsof stone and was simply a tomb for an Egyptian king. It has a majesticdignity and impressiveness exceeding that of any other work of man; asit is approached one feels like an ant in its presence. 

The Sphinx near by is of the same nature. It is sixty-six feet high, hewn out of the living rock. No one has discovered with what intentionit was made nor what it is meant to represent. It is said to be theemblem of immortality, and it impresses the visitor with the idea thatit sits serene in its nobility above the earth and its inhabitants andall else that the world contains. It has always been a riddle and willalways remain one. A thought struck me when looking at the Pyramidsand the Sphinx, and that was that no object of any kind, natural orartificial, has ever been seen by so many great men in all ages as hasthis group at Gizeh. For six thousand years the great of all nationshave made an effort to look upon these mammoth monuments: Alexander sawthem, so did Napoleon and Admiral Nelson; also the heroes of Salamisand Marathon; all the Roman emperors who could spare the time; lines ofEuropean kings and emperors; poets, sculptors and dramatists of ancientand modern days; statesmen, painters and writers--all made pilgrimagesto them; while these very same stones were seen by Cleopatra, MarkAntony, Joseph, Jacob and Abraham, as well as by thousands who precededthem in history. They are awe-inspiring, and the spectator, do what hemay, cannot release himself from this feeling. 

[Illustration: VIRGIN'S FOUNTAIN, HOLY LAND]

A short ride on a camel round the group winds up the visit, and theview from the "high ground" of its back across the great desertconvinces the rider that he is really in the East. Since it rarelystorms in lower Egypt and rains are unknown here, this would seem to bethe ideal spot for our new wind wagons. They would carry you above theflies, the reflected heat and the dust. Then, too, what a nice, softplace the sand would make for a final landing place!

Cairo lately had a real estate boom which ended in a financial crash. One man made about three million dollars in it, and when he lost thisfortune committed suicide. They employed American methods, holdingauction sales of lots in tents, with brass bands, refreshments, etc. The East is hardly ready for that sort of thing just yet. 

_The Mummy and the Scarab_

The word "mummy" is derived from the Arabic word mumiya, meaningbitumen, or wax, which was the principal ingredient used in preservingthe human body by the Egyptians. To this were added spices, aromaticgums, salt and soda. The rich paid about the equivalent of $1200 perbody to have the embalming done; the middle classes for a cheaperprocess paid about $100, while it cost the poor but a small sum tosimply salt their dead. I saw the naked body of Rameses II. In theCairo Museum; it had been preserved with bitumen, and was black andhard, but perfect, and will last forever. Many bodies more cheaplyembalmed fall to pieces when the cloth is unrolled from them. Thepeople of Thebes understood the business best, and brought the art toperfection, but each of the twenty-six dynasties had its own method andreputation. The reason for preserving the body was the belief that thesoul after purification would return to it in ages to come, and thecorpse was made impervious to decay so as to receive the spirit again. Egypt was consequently a vast sepulchre: it has been estimated byeminent authorities that there were over seven hundred millions of thedead preserved in tombs and graves. 

The scarab is an Egyptian beetle of varying size; I have seen lots ofliving specimens on the Nile. The ancients believed that if thisbeetle were placed in the coffin or grave of the dead, no harm couldcome to them, and that its presence would promote their futurehappiness and bring them good luck; therefore, it became the custom toplace the scarabs in all graves. At first the real insects were used, but it was found that these did not last, so imitations made ofsemi-precious stones were substituted, and then large quantities wereallotted to the dead, so as to make sure. By easy transition, thecustom of placing scarabs on the bodies of the dead passed to puttingthem on the living, and men and women wore the scarab as a silent actof homage to the Creator, who was not only the God of the dead but ofthe living also. These charms are easily carried and can be used insettings for many ornamental purposes; therefore they are the mostpopular and widely sought article in the market. They are as small asa coffee bean, and run up sometimes to the size of a walnut, green andbrown being the most popular colors of the stones out of which they aremade. Vast quantities of them have been taken from graves, but thesehave been absorbed by museums and amateur collectors, and now we haveto fall back on imitations. No yearning desire is allowed to yearnlong here, and so we find factories making scarabs at Luxor and in manyother parts of Egypt. Of course there is a marked difference between ascarab cut by an old Egyptian, which has been buried for thousands ofyears, and something made out of glazed terra-cotta and sold by thedozen; the former being worth a good sum of money and the latter a meretrifle. I have spoken of this at such length because there is now averitable and increasing boom in scarabs all over the Nile Valley, butparticularly in Cairo. More than half the men you meet on the streetsare peddling them, shouting that they sell only the "real thing. " Aman was trying to sell me a gem for $10, and I knocked him out bysaying I wanted only an imitation; he put the gem in his pocket, pretending he was exchanging it for an imitation, brought it out againand sold it to me for five cents! I looked at him for a long time andsmiled; then he smiled also--we understood each other. This fad isvery like the tulip mania of old, and almost every one is touched byit. I saw a dragoman sell a lady three scarabs for $30, and I am quitesure they did not cost him fifty cents. 

THE NILE

We took a train entirely filled with the "Corks, " and went up the Nileto Luxor, nearly five hundred miles from Cairo; some of the party weregoing to other places and would take their turn on the Nile later. When you have seen the ruins at Luxor, Karnak and Thebes you have seenthe best there is in Egypt, and there is but little use in looking atminor temples unless you desire to become an Egyptologist. Here is afeast in ruins that will satisfy almost any appetite. 

[Illustration: THE TOWER OF DAVID, JERUSALEM]

We were quartered on a Nile steamer, moored to the dock, as the hotelswere crowded. We had hardly landed on the deck when the flies lit onus in swarms. In all parts of the world I had encountered flies thatheld the record for abandoned cruelty to man, but they werewhite-winged angels of peace compared to these tarantulas! They stuckand hung and dug into your flesh with apparent glee. You have whips, whisks, fans and bunches of twigs to chase and defeat them, but it'sall no use. You kill a dozen, and a hundred take their place. Afterstanding the pests as long as I could, I got some netting and made bagsfor my head and hands. This was a great relief, but it had itspenalties. Dying _without_ flies is almost as attractive as living onthe Nile with them. 

Gooley Can was our guide. It may be here said of Gooley that he was anArab of middle age, well set up for the most part; he spoke fairEnglish, and was a conversational soloist of no mean pretensions. Hehad a brother who was just a plain guide, with a cast in one eye and agreat admiration for Gooley; he was generally full of sadness (andgrog), brought about by disappointments in his profession. Gooley hada great reputation, and as he was exclusive he always looked his partyover and sized it up before taking the job; also he had one wife andwas on the lookout for more. He claimed to have piloted rafts of bigmen up and down the Nile, and was not to be frowned down by anybody. He was a gorgeous, oriental dresser, and had a wardrobe as big andgrand as Berry Wall's; so the "Corks" were fortunate indeed in securingthe great man. He was known descriptively as the "Snowball of theNile. "

The Luxor Temple was near by, and we started right into business. Gooley gathered us together and gave us a lecture. He said:

"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: I shall be your guide for a weekand I want you to pay attention to me. I want no disputing of what Isay. I am an honest man; I speak the truth, and I know my beeziness. You can't expect less; you should not hope for more. "

After this explicit statement, Gooley put a roll in his cuffs, cockedhis turban at the correct angle, hitched up his sash, cleared histhroat, and began the business of the day. He uncorked a new bottle ofadjectives in florid description of each wonder as he reached theever-lasting wilderness of courts, pillars and obelisks, ofhieroglyphics, bas-reliefs, pylons, hypostyles, colonnades, giant rowsof columns--till he got out of breath and our brains seemed muddledinto a grand pot-pourri done in granite, marble and limestone--butalas! without salt or pepper! Gooley told us what King Bubastis said, what Setee I. Did--he of the Armchair Dynasty; how Amenophis III. Wasno better than he should have been; and that the ladies of those days, including Cleopatra, painted and wore false hair just as they do now. 

Gooley had a vein of sarcastic wit about him. He said:

"You Americans think you invent everything, but you don't: there's thecake-walk cut on that stone four thousand years ago. The girls do itin the latest fashion; and over there you will see Queen Hat-shep-setspanking her child, the young king, in the usual manner"--(and in theusual place). 

 "Lots of men would leave their footprints Time's eternal sands to grace, Had they gotten mother's slipper At the proper time and place. "

The temples were very hot in the middle of the day, about ninety-fivein the shade, and there was but little air moving, so we sat down for arest, and it came to pass that Gooley considered this a good time tospring his scarabs on us, with the unvarying formula with which heconstantly opened every description:

"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: you have no doubt heard in Cairoof the fraudulent imitations of scarabs that are being foisted onvisitors to the Nile and sold as real scarabs. I have scarabs forsale"--(he was interrupted at this point by applause and hand-clapping, as the "Corks" were eager for the fray and wanted to get into the game). 

"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze; I am glad to see you areinterested in my goods, and I will now show them to you. I am anhonest man, and so was my father before me. Father and son, we havesold scarabs to the crowned heads of Europe and to the nobility andgentry of England, Scotland and _Ireland_--think of that, Mr. Bayne! Iwould not cheat you; I am too proud to do that, and if I told you a liemy father would turn in his grave! There were twenty-six dynasties ofPharaohs, and each one of them had scarabs of his own pattern. I havemany examples of the oldest and best, some of them having but one eye. "

Assured in this wholesale and convincing fashion, the "Corks" fell toand made many purchases from Gooley, who told them that his uncle, Hajie Hassan, was a professional excavator and had lately made animportant find in some graves at Thebes, and that every one of hisscarabs had been taken by this uncle from the coffins. (By the way, atThebes they dig mummies with scarabs attached about as we dig ourpotatoes, and of course the big bugs are the most valuable andexpensive. ) The prevailing average price was one hundred _piastres_each, but he was very concise and particular about his prices, and forsome he charged a few _piastres_ less, for others a trifle more, as hesaid he knew their exact value and asked only the rate that the Museum, the crowned heads and the savants were anxious to pay for them. Someof the "Corks" openly scoffed at this line of talk and threw the gaffinto him without mercy. This hurt the great man's feelings, and hejumped up and told them that he was rarely asked for a guarantee, butsince suspicion had been cast upon him in an unfair way, he would clearhimself by giving each purchaser a written guarantee. Whereupon hepulled out a book like a cheque-book and filled out the details, signedit, and handed each purchaser a "guarantee. " This had a tendency torestore confidence and he made some more sales; but it was getting lateand we adjourned to the steamer. 

[Illustration: THE SPHINX--THE GRAND OLD GIRL OF ALL SCULPTURE. THESUN'S KISS WAS THE ONLY ONE SHE EVER HAD. THE QUEEN OF POST-CARDS, TOWHICH THE PYRAMID BEHIND HER RUNS A CLOSE SECOND]

We had a _table d'hôte_ dinner, and when the Nile fish course wasreached, Gooley appeared between the tables, arrayed in gorgeous, Arabic robes, and addressed his audience thus:

"Laydies en genteelmen, ef you plaze: my family has been story-tellerson the Nile for many generations, and ef you plaze I shall tell yousome Arabian Nights tales. "

With many gestures and admirable poise he told his stories between thecourses; the "Corks" laughed, but the laughter had an apologetic ringthat did not speak well for its sincerity. The truth is, the men wereafraid to laugh in the presence of the ladies, as the stories were fullflavored and spicy; but still, no one fainted. I may say that duringour voyage Gooley repeated this performance at each dinner and changedhis costume on every occasion, always coming out with some littlepleasing surprise, such as a silver ornament stuck through the top ofhis ear (where there was a hole for it). Some of the Arab stewardsalso wore these, but none was so grand as Gooley's. 

Dinner over, we sat out on deck in comfort, as the sun had set and theflies had quit for the day. Beside us was anchored J. P. Morgan's_dahabiyeh_, Mr. Morgan and his party dining on board. He had been upthe river and was coming down in easy stages, landing at the variouspoints of interest. 

Next morning we mounted donkeys, and with Gooley Can leading we startedfor Karnak. It was a funny experience, as some of us had never riddena donkey, and many had not been on horseback for years. We were aweird looking crew, with our heads in net bags and using our fly-whipslike flails. Each donkey has a "boy" (half of them are men), who prodsand whips his charge, but without any cruelty, as the riders would notallow it. These boys are full of tricks: when I alighted squarely onthe ground, one of them had edged up to me and he set up a loud howl, claiming I had lit on his toes and had broken two of them. I had seenthe trick played before, and noticing an Englishman near with a heavywhip I reached for it and made the "boy" really suffer. His friendslaughed at his failure, and before long he joined in the merriment athis own expense. He had asked me for three dollars damages, equal to adollar and a half a toe. On comparing notes in the evening we foundthat three passengers had parted with _bakshish_ on similar claims. 

We now entered the largest ruin in the world, the Temple of Karnak, amonument of unparalleled grandeur, whose vast proportions overpower theimagination. The temples at Karnak and Luxor are connected by anavenue six thousand five hundred feet long, with a width of eightyfeet, on each side of which are ranged a row of sphinxes. To describethese wonders in detail would require weeks, as will be understood whenit is explained that one place, called the "Hall of Columns, " alonecontains a vast forest of pillars arranged in groups running fromthirty-five to sixty feet high and each having a circumference oftwenty-seven feet, all highly carved and ornamented. Another object ofinterest, the First Pylon or Corner Tower, is three hundred andseventy-five feet wide and a hundred and forty-two feet high. Manykings and rulers had a hand in the construction of these greatbuildings, and it took fifteen centuries to complete them, but onecharacter stands out above all other men and things as a builder ofthese ruins and the king-pin of Egypt--

_Rameses II. _

Rameses II. Was the greatest advertiser of any age or time. He erectedrows of colossal statues to himself all over Egypt, and for fear someone would not notice a _single_ figure, he would place half a dozenside by side. He was usually represented in his Sunday clothes, with apleasing smile, and a granite goatee on his chin as big as anarrow-gauge freight car. (See photograph. ) "Ram" was the mostcelebrated of the Pharaohs; he reigned seventy years, and was over ahundred years old when he died. As a young man he won a real battle, and he spent the rest of his life singing about it through paid, professional poets. He had one hundred and eleven sons and fifty-ninedaughters. (That was going some!) However, suspicious hieroglyphicshave been found that go to show that Ram was chased in many battles, and that one barbarian had the audacity to tin-can him into theneighboring desert, from which he did not return for many moons. Kadesh was his Thermopylae, and the Khetas compelled him to recognizetheir independence at the treaty of Tanis. This made the old man sick, as he was not accustomed to taking "second money. " They had no"germans" in those days, but Ram is shown in one of the alto-rilievosin his temple nimbly leading the cake-walk, leaning as far back as everDixey did when exploiting that dance. In the matter of carving, WardMcAllister couldn't hold a candle to him: he used no knife nor fork, but slashed his Christmas turkey in pieces with his dirk, ate it andcalled for the next course. His wife never got any of the whitemeat--the drum-sticks were good enough for her. He was more than atwo-bottle man: this is made plain in the reliefs by the number of"empties" that are stacked upon his table, and also by the fact that hebuilt and stocked a celebrated wine cellar at Thebes, his best vintagebeing "1333 B. C. "

[Illustration: RAMESES II. THE GREAT PHARAOH OF THE XIXTH DYNASTY ANDTHE GRAND OLD MAN OF ALL TIME. AS HE APPEARS NOW IN A GLASS CASE INTHE CAIRO MUSEUM. IT IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED YEARS SINCE HE DIDA STROKE OF WORK. YET HIS BODY IS SO IMPERISHABLY EMBALMED THAT, IFNOT DESTROYED BY FIRE. IT IS CERTAIN TO BE WITH US TILL THIS EARTH HASPASSED AWAY. FOR MANY REASONS RAMESES II. IS NOW THE MOST UNIQUE, PICTURESQUE, AND CELEBRATED PERSONAGE IN ALL HISTORY. WE MUST TAKE OFFOUR HATS TO HIM. ]

When Ram dropped into his smoking den after the coronation, the firstthing he did was to order all the stone-cutters, from Cairo to theSixth Cataract, to get out their tools and cut his praises on thestones, rocks, pyramids, tombs and obelisks, according to the plans andspecifications of his architects, professional poets and press agents, all along the river right down to low-water mark, and there they standto this day. One of the favorite postscripts is that this great kingnever took off his hat to anybody that ever "blew up" the Nile. Evenin those very, very early days they had a masonic understanding that hewho sails on the Nile must "contribute, " and it is a curious fact thatthat requisition has never been revoked even unto this writing. 

On the whole, Ram was a magnanimous man and did not forget his wife; hehad her done in a group with himself in which she stands behind his legand hardly reaches his knee; something like a prize doll at a fair. Hegot other men to do the most of his fighting and, for that matter, almost everything else, but he never failed to take the credit forwhatever they did. 

[Illustration: ARAB TYPES--CAMEL DRIVERS--SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THENILE]

The great men of England are buried in Westminster Abbey, andsucceeding generations gaze on their statues with awe and admiration;but as there is nothing of the kind in Egypt, the authorities contentthemselves with placing the conspicuous heroes and kings of the past infull view in glass cases in the museums, where even the small boys maystare at them in the "altogether, " without blanket, bathrobe or pajamasto cover their physical imperfections. After "life's fitful fever, "poor old Ram and his historical rivals and friends sleep well in thesehard, ebony boxes in the museum at Cairo. Ram had lots of air andelbow room during his spectacular career, and it seems hardly fair thathe should be kept on exhibition now, although his mummy is mostinteresting and always draws a crowd. To parody William a little, itmight be said:

 To what base uses may we come! * * * * Imperial Ram'ses dead and turn'd to clay Might stop a hole to keep the wind away. O, that that earth, which set the Nile on fire, Should lie in glass! this is a fate too dire!

Ram, scarabs, flies, and _bakshish_ are, after all, the main things ofEgypt and the Nile. I once asked Gooley Can confidentially:

"How many statues did the great king put up for himself--two hundred?"

"Oh, very many more than that! he was a busy man. "

But in many departments he had his rivals. Now there was Bubastis I. Of the twenty-second dynasty. (His name seems somewhat similar to thatof our old friend Bombastes, when pronounced by a man with a cold inhis head--but anyway, we'll call him "Bub. ") He was a man of not a fewaccomplishments, many habits and some deeds: for instance, he made agrand-stand play when he started out for Jerusalem with twelve hundredchariots, sixty thousand horsemen and four hundred thousand footmen. He took it hands down in a canter--and took a whole lot of otherthings, too, when he got his hands in the bags of Solomon's temple. This was a "classy" performance and gave him some small change for theevening of his days. Thebes was his home town and he was as well knownin the all-night restaurants as Oscar Hammerstein is on Forty-secondStreet. He was a great poker player, and wore an amalgamated coppermask when engaged in a stiff game; it was a helpful foil when trying towork his passage on a pair of trays. This, mind you, was in the stoneage of poker, when a man couldn't hide his feelings when he held a fullhand. To-day the player sits disconsolate and looks woebegone whenglancing at his royal flush. 

When Bub got hard up he made raids on the "capitulists" of the day, andoften cleaned up both banks of the Nile, from Wady Halfa to Port Said. When short of funds he frequently staked ten cars of watermelons or abunch of steers on a single hand, and most always "pulled it off. " Hebecame infatuated with an odalisk who was a popular favorite at theBeni Hassan opera house--the rock he split on was _Annie Laurie_, thatgood old song, then well known in Lower Egypt, which she sang with chicand abandon. Bub met her at the stage door after the performance, tookher to a "canned lobster palace, " and then eloped with her to theSecond Cataract, instead of coming right over here to Niagara Falls anddoing the thing up in regulation style. I assume they had a _Maid ofthe Mist_ at the cataract, and if so he certainly had his photographtaken in a suit of oilskin--but, of course, this is only an assumption. However, it is a certainty that he was a plunger and often cornered themelon crop in the Produce Exchange at Abydos, when the sprouting seasonwas delayed by floods. It is said that Bubastis I. Had more scarabsburied with him than had any other king that ever ruled the land; Ihave no doubt of it, for some of them are offered daily at Shepheard'sby a dozen scarab scalpers. 

Some sceptical readers may raise their brows at this synopsis of agreat man's life, but no suspicions need exist. It was all told to mein strict confidence by Gooley Can in his tent at Luxor, over a cup ofafternoon tea. He explained that he had dug out these facts in themuseums in the slack season when tourists were scarce, and that I couldrely on them implicitly. 

While he was at it, Gooley gave me a few tabloid truths regarding SeteeI. , who, it seems, rivaled and even excelled both Ram and Bub in therealm of sport. Setee, as his name implies, was not of royal blood, but was descended from a line of chair makers, having their mainfactory at Beni Suef. As a youth of eighteen he won the single scullschampionship, defeating a large field. He was the captain of thecricket eleven, and defeated the Asia Minors in a game which lastedmost of the summer, scoring three hundred and seventy-five runs off hisown bat in the first innings. This was a great boost for cricket, andit has been popular in England ever since. He was fullback on thePyramids eleven, and was famous in his day as a punter. He kicked asmany goals for his side as ever Cadwalader did when "Cad" was Yale'sgreat centre rush. It was Setee's custom, of a Sunday morning afterchurch was out, to take his pole and vault the Sphinx, just to astonishthe Arabs on their native heath; and he was never known to touch herback in making the record. In common with most of the great Pharaohs Ihave been describing, Setee had a trick of cutting his name on anystatue of a dead one that he thought would advance his fame with futuregenerations; he never hesitated to hack out the other fellow'ssignature and insert his own. In these cases he usually asked thestone-cutter to add a few kind words to show posterity that he was agreat man and a good fellow. It will be seen at a glance that thisbroad-gauge and fearless type of man would be eminently fitted for adazzling banking career, and feeling entire confidence in himself, Setee organized the First National Bank and Trust Company of WadyHalfa--a comprehensive title, perhaps, but that was what was wanted. He became its first president, and inaugurated a splendid system ofbanking--one very much needed to-day. Some of his plans embraced thecharging of "reverse interest "--_i. E. _, five per cent. For theresponsibility of caring for the depositor's money. He had an actpassed compelling all of his subjects worth a thousand _piastres_ todeposit in the royal bank, and they had to do it. If anybody failed onhim, the debtor had a tooth pulled every month till the debt was paid. But somehow the snap was too soft, for it fell out that in a few yearsSetee had all the money and there was no more to get nor any customersto do business with, so he closed the bank and with great successpromoted the first Nile Irrigating Company, the remnants of which areslowly working out their salvation to-day. 

Gooley also stated that the men were not the whole thing by any means:

"Just think what a bird-of-paradise Queen Hatshepset was, and all thehistory she made!" enthusiastically exclaimed my historical Boswell. She was the daughter of King Thothmes I. , who gave her a Pullman palacecar name; she was regarded as the Boadicea of the Orient. "Hattie"built temples, fought battles, and was, in fact, found on the firingline during most of her reign. Like most other ladies, she had herpersonal idiosyncrasies: for instance, she wore men's clothes when notengaged in court functions; she shaved twice a week, but let her beardgrow when on an extended campaign so as to give her all the appearanceof a warrior. Hattie made a famous expedition to a place called Punt, and there she swindled the natives by exchanging the cheap dry-goodsshe had with her for gold and rare jewels. She married herhalf-brother, Thothmes II. , and made it very hot for him during theirreign. She wore the "pants" in theory as well as in practice and wasthe undisputed leader of the "four hundred" in Cairo, being theheadliner in the Levantine book of _Who's Who?_ Her greatest work wasthe erection of the vast temple of Der-al-Bahari, part of it ornamentedin fine gold. Hattie smote her pocketbook for the count on thisstructure--like as not she had to mortgage her Luxor villa to meet thefinal pay-roll. Den Mut was her architect and he grew rich as thebuildings increased. He owned a centipede barge on the Nile, which wasthe badge of big money in those days. 

[Illustration: RAM IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE. THEONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE]

Gooley wasn't always a treasure; he frequently irritated me bydesignating certain things as "cool-o-sall'. " I said to him one day:

"Gooley, when I was a boy they pronounced that word _colossal_. "

"Mr. Bayne, I don't care what they called it when you were a boy; Icall it cool-o-sall', and that goes on the Nile. What's been goodenough for King Edward you will have to put up with. "

The crowd laughed and I subsided--for awhile. Afterward I caughtGooley on his dates, but he again called me down:

"Mr. Bayne, if you think you can do this thing better than I can, why, get up here and try it!"

And so we rattled along from one gibe to another till we mounted ourdonkeys, rode out from the temples and started for the steamer. As wecame away we passed Mr. Morgan, who had chosen the cool of the eveningfor his visit, even though the light was not so good. 

There is an art in horse-racing known as the "hand ride, " perfected byTodd Sloan--_i. E. _, swinging the hands from side to side and thusrolling the bit to excite the animal. I tried it on my donkey and ashe had never experienced it before, it excited him so much that hestarted out with a rush that threw me over his head before we had goneten yards. I was somewhat crestfallen, but remounted, and took "anhumbler flight" for the rest of the journey. 

[Illustration: OUR OWN NILE DONKEY, "BALLY-HOO-BEY. " KNEW HIS BUSINESSLIKE A BOOK, BUT OBJECTED TO THE TOD SLOAN RIDE (SPOKEN OF IN THETEXT)--A WILD WEST EFFORT IN THE FAR EAST. ALI BABA, JR. , IN THESADDLE]

Next day we started down the Nile, stopping at many places, but as theydid not compare in interest or importance with Luxor, Karnak or Thebes, I shall not try to describe them. The season was closing, the riverhad fallen six feet while we were coming down stream, and the Nile wasnow so low that we frequently stuck on the shifting sand-bars. As thepilots could not see the channels in the dark, we tied up at some townon the banks every night and consequently made slow time. After dinnerthe shopkeepers brought down their wares, spread sheets on the groundand opened up for business by torchlight and the light furnished by thesteamer. The "Corks" were active buyers for home consumption, andafter a violent passage of arms usually got what they wanted at adiscount of ninety per cent. From the first offer. If there isanything on earth that these towns did not bring down to us, I want tosee it!--from monkeys to tame snakes in the line of living things, andfrom lion skins to mummies in the dead. The natives were not allowedon board, and as there was great jostling on shore, the "Corks" stoodon the deck and the articles for sale were rolled in bundles and firedat them for inspection, the owners giving the price in _piastres_ bysigns on their fingers. After a native made a sale, his fellows tookhim by the throat and ran him to the back of the dock. He had beensuccessful and they would not allow him to compete again that evening. Toward the end, some "Corks" would risk it and mix with the crowd onshore, but their clothes were literally torn off them in a few moments, which caused an immediate retreat. The natives were so excited andeach so persistent in his efforts to get more than his share of thetrade, that they frequently pushed one another into the Nile, wettingthemselves and their wares, much to the amusement of the onlookers. But high above this rude brawling the scarab stood alone. When a freshbag of them was opened, a blight fell on all other wares. Bargainingin them, indeed, was regarded as a kind of sacred function, as it wasbelieved we were dealing in the jewels and mascots of the deadestpeople in all history. No greater investment could possibly be madethan to float a corporation and start a factory in Connecticut fortheir manufacture and distribution, for it is but the few who may ownthe genuine--there aren't enough to go round. None of the manufacturedproduct need be offered in America; they can all be absorbed on theNile. One man shouted with glee, as he waved a small bag of them inthe air:

"What's the use of bothering with Steel common? See what I have gotfor a five-dollar bill!"

The sport ran high, and while it was active an Arab appeared on deckwith a basket. He approached me and said he had five sacred kittensand some scarabs, and as he was not much of a salesman, a little shortin his English and out of funds, he wanted me to auction them off tohelp him out. As I had done this kind of thing before, I accepted thedelicate position and in a short time had planted his stock in new andresponsible hands that would not be likely to throw it again on themarket in its present critical condition. He gave me his orientalblessing and stole out softly into the night; his parents haven't seenhim since. 

Perhaps it may have been noticed that wherever we went there wereunusual doings and excitement. This is true, as, long before wearrived anywhere, our coming was heralded in the papers, and as theparty was exceptionally large, all Southern Europe and North Africafelt bound to get a whack at our pocketbooks. 

Two striking things may be seen on the Nile. One is the irrigation ofthe land by hand: this is accomplished by lifting up the water inbuckets by means of poles balanced with a weight equal to that of thewater. This hard work is done by hundreds of thousands of natives, whoare practically naked and do this labor in the hot sun. The banks arelined with them on each side for more than a thousand miles. When thelength of the Nile is reckoned from its extreme source, it is fourthousand and ninety-eight miles long, making it perhaps the longestriver in the world, although the Mississippi, the Amazon and the Congoare about as long. Between Khartoum and the sea the Nile has sixcataracts, some of them very rapid. Dry up the Nile and Egypt would belike the Desert of Sahara in a month; the river is its very heart'sblood and makes it everything it is. Labor is cheap on the Nile: themen who hoist the irrigating water get only a few cents a day; a hotelwaiter gets a dollar a month, with board and lodging; and so it goes inproportion. 

The other activity that arrests one's attention is the planting ofmelon seeds in rows on the flat banks at low water. Later the riveroverflows them and when the flood subsides the plants are well on theway toward bearing. Our negroes call them "water-millions;" that namewould be most appropriate in Egypt. 

When Beni-Hassan was reached we made an early start and rode out ondonkeys to see the famous tombs hewn out of the living rock. As wewere returning we met Mr. Morgan and his party coming up the hill. Asand-storm had blown up, and it was quite dark and very disagreeable. I am sure he would have liked to be out of it, but he had his nerve andpoise with him and went through to the bitter end. We had startedwhile this same sandstorm was still in action; not being able to seeclearly, we ran into a flight of Nile freight boats, and in trying toavoid sinking one of them got on a rock and it punched a large hole inour steamer's bottom. We sank almost immediately, but as our keel wasnear the river bed we had not far to go. It took twelve hours to pumpout the boat and patch the hole, during which time the Morgan_dahabiyeh_ came up, but finding we were not in danger, passed on. Later we went after them and took the lead, but lost it again inshallow water. 

[Illustration: TEMPLE OF LUXOR ON THE NILE. "RAM" IS VERY MUCH INEVIDENCE, BUT ONLY A SMALL PART OF HIS SCULPTURAL OUTPUT IS SEEN, ASTHE STONE-CUTTERS' LIENS HAVE NOT YET BEEN SATISFIED]

Next day we arrived at Cairo, and I found at Shepheard's an invitationfor dinner from De Cosson Bey, who controls and manages all the greatpublic utilities of Cairo. He married a Philadelphia belle who hadoften visited at my house in New York, so we had a very pleasantevening, rehearsing the scenes and experiences of _auld long syne_. The evening was a social oasis in a strange land and quickly taught mehow they live and what they do in Cairo. My hostess spoke the languagelike a native and managed her Arabic _ménage_ with skill, _à plomb_ anddistinction. I ate and drank many strange concoctions never previouslyincluded in any _menu_ I had ever had the pleasure of exhausting. Idid not dare to ask the names of the rare dishes, as I might not haveliked them if I had--sometimes one had better not "know it all, " oreven a part of it. To be thoroughly happy in a case like this it isbest to leave minute details and even a general knowledge of suchthings to the inquisitive. I had, however, sufficient curiosity tospeculate on the dishes, and have made a tentative _menu_ of them, assuming the courses, from their color, flavor and general appearance, to be as follows:

 --:--MENU--:--

 NILE GREEN POINTS A pearl in every oyster

 GUM(BO) ARABIC PUREE _Siccative_

 CROCODILE HARD-BOILED EGGS Sauce _à la_ Queen Hat-shep-set

 BREAST OF THE ONE-LEGGED PINK STORK Stuffed with Baby Sausages

 BROILED SCARABS ON BUTTERED TOAST Sauce _de la Pyramide_

 BRIE _de_ BAGDAD Foil cases, Crimean vintage '34

 BENI-HASSAN DATES

 ALLIGATOR PEARS

 CAFE _à la_ BWANA TUMBO From the Wady Halfa bean

 Wine SAMIAN FIZZ

 Music By the "FLOWER BUDS OF CAIRO"

 Decorations By the BEGUM MACCUDDYLEEKI, period of Akbar the Great

The De Cossons lived in the suburbs, about two miles out on the road tothe Pyramids, in a detached place without a street or a number, andquite hard to find when the sun had set. My hostess had prepared anelaborate map in two colors, red and blue, showing where I was to goand what I was to do and say after crossing the great steel bridge thatspans the Nile. Armed with this formidable document, I went to thenoble bandit who controls the carriage service in front of Shepheard's, and in a confidential whisper explained the map and the circumstancesto him, at the same time slipping into his extended, yawning paw a wadof _bakshish_. I stipulated that I must have a driver who understoodat least some English. He made a great show of grasping theintricacies of the map and the instructions that went with it, andpresently, with a wild gleam in his eye, as if he had found a sure wayto his "graft, " he announced that he was ready and willing to take allresponsibility. He had an official, high-backed chair on the sidewalkand asked me to use it till he returned. Then darting into thedarkness, he quickly found a man (who looked like the First Murderer in_Macbeth_) on whom he could depend to rob me and divide the spoils withhim. Dressed in his flowing oriental robes as Cairo's most abandonedcriminal, he shook me warmly by the hand and whispered, as I steppedinto the carriage:

"I have arranged everything. "

I had a sufficient glimmering of what was going on to meekly pipe tohim:

"Yes, I haven't the slightest doubt of it. "

We started out at a brisk pace which soon relaxed into a funereal jog, and went on and on through narrow, squalid streets till we reached theNile. Although I had given myself an extra hour for emergencies, Ibecame impatient and asked him:

"But where is the big bridge with the bronze sphinxes on it that we areto cross?" He sadly wailed in reply:

"Ah, sahib, it ees so hard to find eet in the dark!"

In a burst of sarcastic anger, I shouted at him:

"Well, get off and light a match, and maybe you'll hit it by accident!"Assuming with an innocent look that I had spoken seriously, he took meat my word, jumped off his perch, lit a match and peered all round him. Then I got "real" angry, and told him De Cosson Bey kept a professionaltorture chamber, and that I would have him ground to sausage meat if hetrifled with me another moment. Well knowing the impotence of my "hotair" blast, he simply smiled and took up his burthen of "finding" thebridge. This he soon accomplished, as it was about as easy to find asa saloon in the "Great White Way. " The instructions accompanying themap stated that the Maison Antonion was on the left of the Pyramid Roadafter three crossroads had been passed. I began to look out for andcount the roads, so when we had crossed two and were approaching athird I halted the Jehu and said:

"This is the third road; turn down here. "

"No, sahib, eet is de private entrance to Hunter Pasha's palace, an' hekeep de mos' wicket dogs you ever see in awl yo' life. "

So on we went till I began to realize that the kidnapper was trying totake me out to the Pyramids for a late dinner with the Sphinx. It wasclear moonlight and I saw an English lady walking along the road. Itried to have the driver stop, but he pretended that he did notunderstand me, so I jumped out and, profusely apologizing to the lady, explained my emergency. She said:

"Why, you are a mile past De Cosson Bey's place: there it is with theflagstaff on the tower. "

Then she had a heart-to-heart talk in Arabic with my friend and wereturned briskly to the "third road. " I halted the procession for asettlement about fifty yards from the house, well knowing that troublewas coming in pyramids, and feeling that I did not wish to assault theears of my hosts with the clash which was now inevitable and whichwould undoubtedly contain a large percentage of language that couldhardly be called diplomatic. He demanded about ten times the regularfare. I protested, but he explained that after sunset all fares weredouble and charged by the hour, at that; and that when the Nile hadbeen crossed the driver had the privilege of fixing the fare accordingto the circumstances. This vested right, he claimed, had not beendisputed since his ancestors had driven Napoleon out to the battle ofthe Pyramids a century ago. I could not deny his statement as I hadnot been among those present, but I reduced the settlement to acompromise by threatening to spring on him the Hessian troops that DeCosson Bey retained for such occasions. Then we drove up to the houseas genially as if we had been long parted relatives, and I supposed weheld the secrets of the passage of arms between ourselves. But I wasmistaken, for I noticed at dinner that my hosts smiled knowingly ateach other as if they had some amusing thought in common. When I couldstand this no longer I asked what they were laughing at. 

"Why, at your stopping so near the house for the usual stormy, cab-faresettlement. Wise visitors always settle out on the Pyramid Road, sothey may regain their composure before alighting. We threw up thewindows and heard every word of the picturesque, verbal duel, and wecame to the conclusion when the flag fell that the oriental had had hishands full throughout the entire entertainment. "

[Illustration: ANOTHER PART OF KARNAK; ONLY ONE MAN ON THE JOB, BUT HEIS QUITE EQUAL TO ALL ITS REQUIREMENTS AND EMERGENCIES]

I left next day by train for Alexandria, and I remember it wasthirty-five years ago that I started from that city for Port Said, whence I took a steamer for India, passing through the Suez Canal, thennot long opened. Time flies, but the canal is still there, at the oldstand, doing a steady business with all the nations of the earth thatgo down to the sea in great ships as daily customers. F. J. Haskin haswritten an interesting and graphic description of this great work, recently published in the New York _Globe_, in which he says:

"On the great breakwater at Port Said stands the bronze statue ofFerdinand de Lesseps, his right hand extended in a gesture ofinvitation to the mariners of all nations to take their ships throughthe great canal which was the fruit of his genius and diplomacy. Notone word is there to indicate that his fortune and good name lie buriedin the failure of another canal, half way round the world. 

"The romance of the Suez Canal is suggested by everything the visitorsees at Port Said, the 'turnstile of the nations. ' But the tragedy ofthe canal, the terrible cost of life, the shameful waste of money, theenslavement of the Egyptians in governmental and financial bondage, thewreck of French hopes and aspirations--not one hint of all that tragedyis discernible. Ferdinand de Lesseps, Ismail Pasha and the Egyptianpeople gave civilization and commerce one of its greatest gifts in theSuez Canal, but the cost to them was all they had--and they were neverrepaid. 

"Every day in the year a dozen great ships make the procession throughthe canal--the ninety miles of slow travelling which saves them thecost of circumnavigating the great continent of Africa. They pay wellfor it, and the owners of the canal shares wax fat. England controlsthe canal, the construction of which John Bull attempted in everymanner to prevent. English ships bound from "home" to Bombay cut downthe distance from 10, 860 miles to 4, 620 miles by taking the canalroute, and the vast majority of ships which pay tolls to the canalcompany fly the British flag. Germany comes second, a long way after;Holland third, and the French, whose dreams of commercial empire cutthe ditch, are fourth. The United States has not been represented inthe canal in a decade by any commercial ship--only vessels of the navyand yachts of the Yankee millionaires show the Stars and Stripes to theBedouins of the desert who bring their caravans from Mt. Sinai to thecanal. "

MOST IMPORTANT OF CANALS

"The tonnage of the Suez is not one-third as great as that of the SaultSte. Marie Canal in the Great Lakes, but its importance to the commerceof the world is greater than that of any other passageway of the seas. Wherever there is a strait or a narrow passage through which commercemay go, there is sure to be a British flag flying, a British bandplaying, and a red-coated Tommy Atkins strutting about with a swaggerstick. Suez is not an exception. 

"Fourteen centuries before Christ, nearly 3, 500 years ago, the PharaohSetee I. , father of Rameses the Great, cut a canal fifty-seven mileslong from a branch of the Nile delta to the bitter lakes, which are nowpart of the Suez Canal and which were then the northern extremity ofthe Gulf of Suez. That connected the Mediterranean with the Red Sea, and Egypt waxed great. But the nation decayed, and the sands of thedesert filled up the ditch. Eight hundred years later the PharaohNecho undertook to dig the canal. More than a hundred thousand liveswere sacrificed to the project, but it was abandoned when a priestpredicted that its completion would cause Egypt to fall into the handsof a foreign usurper. A hundred years after Necho, the Persian Dariustook up the work on the abandoned canal, but his engineers told himthat its completion would cause a deluge, and he desisted. About threehundred years before Christ was born, Ptolemy Philadelphus constructeda lock-and-dam canal through which ships made the journey from one ofthe mouths of the Nile to the site of modern Suez. Continued warsinterrupted commerce, and the locks and dams fell into decay, so thatCleopatra's navy was unable to escape to the Red Sea by canal. TheRoman engineers later patched up the canal so that their galleys madetheir way from sea to sea; but when the Arabs came in A. D. 700 theyfound it choked up. Amrou, the Arab, cleared it out, but it was soonpermitted to fill up again, and not until the great Napoleon reachedEgypt was the canal project again considered. Napoleon abandoned theidea only because his engineers assured him that the level of theMediterranean was thirty feet below that of the Red Sea. He thenconsidered a lock-and-dam canal, but he evacuated Egypt before anythingcame of it. Of course, all those ancient canals were very narrow andshallow, and no boat now dignified with the business of carrying cargofor profit could have entered any one of them. "

MEHEMET ALI WAS WARY

"Mehemet Ali, the great pasha who founded the present Egyptiankhedivate, was urged to attempt the canal project, but he was wary. Atlast he pushed it aside, and listened to the Englishman, RobertStephenson--the father of the railroad. Under Stephenson's supervisionhe built a railroad from Cairo to Suez, connecting with the line fromCairo to Alexandria. This formed the "great overland route" to India, and brought great trade and many rich tolls to the Egyptians. 

"The time came when Said Pasha ruled in Cairo. To him came Ferdinandde Lesseps. Years before, while a clerk in the French consulategeneral in Cairo, De Lesseps dreamed the dream of the great canal. Hewas not an engineer, but he was a master diplomatist. He unfolded hisplans to Said, who loved France and all Frenchmen, and met withencouragement. It was a magnificent scheme. The canal was not to costEgypt one cent, but was to pay fifteen per cent. Of its receipts to theEgyptian government, and at the expiration of ninety-nine years was tobecome the absolute property of Egypt. On such terms the concessionwas given to De Lesseps in 1856. 

"Then De Lesseps went forth to get the money. France had just come outof the Crimean War and could not advance money for ventures. Englandwas opposed to a canal that would let anybody have a chance at India, and the English government did everything possible to prevent theFrenchman from obtaining funds. He failed in Europe, for he could notget enough even for a survey of the canal. Nothing daunted, he wentback to Egypt and borrowed money enough from Said to survey the canaland to exploit it through Europe. Then came much planning and moreconcessions, and much stock jobbing; but by 1860 the French company wasagain without money. Again the appeal was made to Said, and notwithout avail; for he subscribed for more than one-third or the totalcapital stock and promised to advance money for the constructionwork--and all for a project that was not to cost Egypt anything. Thatwas the beginning of Egypt's bondage to the money lenders of Europe, for Said had to borrow the money he gave to the canal. "

ISMAIL PASHA WAS EASY

"In 1863 the magnificently extravagant Ismail Pasha came to the throneof Mehemet Ali. He burned with ambition to make himself the greatestruler in the world, and the canal was a darling of his heart. He wasthe ready and willing victim of the loan sharks of Europe, and he wouldsign anything in the way of an obligation if there was a little yellowgold in sight. 

"Meanwhile the canal was progressing slowly. Ismail ordered theEgyptian peasants to do the work under the ancient _corvée_ system. Every three months 25, 000 drafted fellaheen went to the big ditch todig. Every three months a miserable remnant of the preceding 25, 000left the dead bodies of their comrades beneath the dump heaps. 

"The Suez Canal was dug for the most part by those poor creatures whoscooped up the sand and dirt with their bare hands and carried it upthe steep banks to the dumps in palm-leaf baskets of their own making. Task masters with cruel whips of hippopotamus hide punished the sickand the fainting, as well as the lazy. There were no sanitaryprecautions, and the men died by the thousands. 

"This horrible condition of affairs aroused the indignation of JohnBull, who protested to the sultan. The sultan ordered the employmentof fellaheen labor to be stopped. Then De Lesseps and the canal ringdescended upon Ismail and held him responsible for damages. The casewas left to the arbitration of Napoleon III. , who decided for the canalring, and Ismail was forced to pay a fine of nearly $10, 000, 000 becausehis titular sovereign lord had ordered that Ismail's subjects shouldnot be murdered in the canal ditch. Each month a new obligation wasfastened upon suffering Egypt. Finally, when the canal was completed, Ismail gave a great fête to celebrate its opening. Few festivals havebeen so magnificent, none so extravagant. The celebration cost$21, 000, 000. Verdi wrote the opera _Aida_ to order that Ismail mightgive a box party one evening, and an opera house was built especiallyfor that purpose. "

ENGLAND IN CONTROL

"But Ismail had signed too many notes of hand. The day of reckoningcame. Ismail sold his canal shares to the English government, and bytheir purchase Benjamin Disraeli gave the British empire dominion overthe traffic between the East and the West. It was a bold stroke, andit brought to an end the commercial aspirations of the French of theSecond Empire. The canal company still has its chief offices in Paris, its clerks speak French, and its tolls are charged in francs, butotherwise it is English. 

"Ismail was dethroned and died in exile, his magnificence forgotten. De Lesseps ventured on another canal project, was plunged intodisgrace, and died a mental wreck. Egypt, which once levied toll onall the commerce passing between Orient and Occident, now watches thetrade ships pass by. The digging of the canal was the greatest blowever given to Egyptian commerce. But the losses of Ismail and DeLesseps and Egypt make up the gain of the civilized world. 

"Opened just forty years ago, its importance has increased with everyyear, and its revenues are expanding each month. It cost $100, 000, 000, half of which was spent in bribes and excessive discounts. With modernmachinery, such as is being used at Panama, it could have been builtfor one-quarter as much. As an engineering problem it is to the PanamaCanal as a boy's toy block house to a forty-story skyscraper. How itwill compare with Panama as an avenue of commerce is a question towhich Americans anxiously await the answer. "

The jubilee of the Suez Canal, work on which commenced in 1859, tookplace on April 25, 1909. When I passed through in 1874 its depth wasabout twenty-six feet; the present depth is about thirty-two and a halffeet, and improvements are now going on which will bring it tothirty-four feet. The original width was seventy-one feet on thebottom, and this has been gradually increased until at present thebottom width is ninety-seven and a half feet. In 1870 there passedthrough the canal four hundred and eighty-six ships, whose grosstonnage was 654, 914. Last year 3, 795 ships used the canal, and theirtotal tonnage was over 19, 000, 000. Truly this is one of the world'sgreatest conveniences!

[Illustration: PILLARS OF THOTHMES III. , KARNAK, EGYPT, WITH TWO YOUNGMEN ON THE LOOKOUT FOR BUSINESS. THEY ARE BOTH WORTHY OF EVERYENCOURAGEMENT]

These reminiscences take me back again to Alexandria, as it was therethat an original seaboard bank was founded. Its first president wasKatchaskatchkan, a nephew of King Ram's. The old man saw to it thatall the "squeeze" from the corn crop money was deposited here and thatit held the margins on Joseph's grain corner. "Katch" broke his neckby falling into the wheat pit, but the incident was soon forgotten inthe advancing prosperity of the bank. The place is in ruins, but wesaw the "paying teller's gun, " which was a decorated club with spikeson it; it lay unnoticed in a nook in the big amalgamated copper vault, covered with papyrus books and records of the bank. Some of the oldpast due notes on the shelves were still drawing interest and you couldhear it tick like the clanking cogs when a ferry boat makes herlanding. The writer fairly shudders at what the interest on thosenotes would now amount to, computed at five per cent. (the prevailingrate paid for call loans in that historic corner), remembering that theinterest on a penny compounded at this rate since the dawn of theChristian era would now represent fourteen millions of globes ofeighteen-karat gold, each globe the size of our earth! We could nothelp philosophizing on the change which had taken place in bankingprinciples and methods since those old days; and the whole inspectionwas very interesting. 

[Illustration: OBELISK OF THOTHMES I AND QUEEN HAPSHEPSET XVIIIDYNASTY. TWO FINE OBELISKS IN THE TEMPLE OF KARNAK--A LITTLETOPSY-TURVY LOOKING AND VERY MUCH IN NEED OF REPAIRS]

I am reluctant to leave Egypt without saying a word about the "teep, "as this land is the very home, the embodiment--the Gibraltar, so tospeak, of the wide-open palm for services rendered--or even when theyare not rendered. Egypt is not the only place, however, of which thiscan be said; there are others. But no matter where the dear Americantourist lands he "gets it" both coming and going, and the "neck" isusually the place where it first attracts his attention. It is not anew thing, by any means, for the Greeks suffered more from it than weever have. They called it "gifts, " and if a man didn't give, why, hegot nothing, just as he gets nothing to-day in "Del's" if he tries toescape with a glad smile instead of the regulation tariff. Usually, aswe all know, the rough time is at the reckoning and the departure, ifyou haven't done the handsome. The waiter, if he knows his business, makes you feel your cheapness if you attempt to "do" him with anaffable "Good-night, " instead of the real thing. The change is soarranged for you that you may have a wide choice of coins, but if thatscheme misses fire, there are still left the overcoat and the hat. Theman who can pass through these ordeals with his nerve unfrayed and lookthrough the waiter as if he were a pane of glass, would never haveturned a hair if placed in front at the charge of Balaclava. Iremember writing a _menu_ card for a dinner once, and when I came tothe sweetbread course it was shown that if you hadn't a coin you muststill do something. Lucullus was waiting on the bank of the river Styxfor his turn on Charon's ferryboat, and of course, being a shade, hehad no money in his clothes; but this is what was said:

 When Lucullus got on Charon's skiff He didn't have a cent; So he handed out a sweetbread And on the boat he went. 

This was as straight a tip as was ever given to a waiter or at ahorse-race. There was nothing between Lucullus and the "bread line"except his last sweetbread; yet as a gentleman he gave it up to theferryman rather than lose his poise when leaving the earth. 

But to return to the twentieth century, about four thousand years sincethe incident just related occurred: we have a variety of names for thesame thing. It is _pour boire_ in France; _tip_ in England; _macaroni_"for the crew" in Italy; _sugar-cane_ "for the donkey" on the Nile;_bakshish_ in Africa; "_bakshish_" the first word the traveler hearswhen he gets there, "_bakshish_" the last when he is leaving. Why, they say the Sphinx herself tears her hair and plaintively wails whenthe sun has set, "_Bakshish! Bakshish!! Bakshish!!!_" And the onlyreason she does not hold out her hands for it is that she hasn't any. 

[Illustration: THIS IS WHERE "RAM" FELL DOWN AND HAS NEVER SINCE BEEN"LIFTED. " IT TAKES _PIASTRES_ TO PUT SUCH A BIG MAN ON HIS FEET. STONY MACADAM, PRESIDENT OF THE BAKSHISH TRUST & TIPPING COMPANY, WITHHIS CASHIER AND ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN ATTENDANCE. IT'S A TOUGHPROBLEM "STONY" CAN'T SOLVE IF THERE'S MONEY BEHIND IT]

Sailing from Alexandria we headed for the Straits of Messina andreached them the day following, taking a passing look at Etna andStromboli. Messina was not so badly damaged, we thought, as had beenreported, and it will undoubtedly be rebuilt. Then we steamed pastCapri and made fast to the wharf at Naples. 

ITALY

NAPLES

After strolling round Naples for a couple of days we took the train forRome. 

On one of these strolls I saw what seemed to me a curious funeral. Therewere six horses with nodding plumes, hung with black robes, and driven inthree spans by a coachman who was a wonder in himself. He wore a hatwith an enormous yellow cockade; a purple coat; patent leather Hessianboots, with tassels; green tights showing the shape of his fine calves(of which he was evidently very proud), and on his whip he carried manysilk ribbon bows. "Beau Brummel" might have had a coachman like him--butI doubt it. Through a pane of glass might have been seen, thoroughlyornamented and painted for public inspection, the face of the principalwhom these proceedings interested no more. The hearse sported a forestof plumes also, and behind it stalked six stalwart, high-class, professional mourners, likewise in green tights and Tower-of-London hats, all members of the Pallbearers' International Union (purple card), withflowing beards and curling moustaches--probably the only men on earthwhom money causes to weep and pluck their beards in pretended sorrow whenin the throes of their commercial emotion. If paid enough money they donot hesitate to use the onion freely to produce the real thing in tears. Next followed a dozen of mere puling mutes, of no caste or distinctionwhatever but that lent by a big brass badge on the breast of each. Thencame four rickety carriages of the Columbus era; they hadn't a soul inthem, but their cloth upholstered seats had been whitewashed with whitelead and showed by many cracks the risk any live human would take inentering the vehicles. There were no relatives of the dead present--andyou could not blame them. The question arose, What is the meaning of itall? It seemed as though they had consigned the man to the grave at theleast expense with no bother--a curious form of burial from ourstandpoint; it was strictly professional. 

ROME

Rome has been so thoroughly exploited that perhaps the writing of alayman on the subject would not interest the reader, so I shall notattempt to go into details, for they would fill a very large book. SinceI last visited it the city had grown to be large, clean and prosperous, under the careful and serious management of the king, whose business inlife seems to be the welfare of his people and the advancement of theirbest interests. I met him and the queen at the Arch of Constantine; hesaluted, as he does to every one he meets when walking alone in thesuburbs of the city. 

The three things that I remembered with the greatest interest on leavingRome--and I still admire them most of all--were Caracalla's Baths, theColiseum and the Forum. Perhaps no purely secular work of man has everapproached the Baths of Caracalla in sumptuous, artistic magnificence andsplendor. They were more than a mile long and a little less than that inwidth. They consisted of three vast baths, marble lined, with raremosaic floors: one for cold water, one for tepid and a third for hotwater. There were dressing rooms, refectories, lounging gardens, schoolsof art, a court for athletes, another court for gladiators. Highlycarved marble columns supported the roofs and the rarest statues stood inniches. The bathing capacity was the largest ever planned. To sit therealone and people it, as when it was at its best, with all the glory ofthe emperor, the court ladies, the vestal virgins, senators, warriors, artists, men of letters and the rest, is a treat to the imagination thatcannot be realized on any other spot. 

[Illustration: THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE, ROME--ONE OF THE FINEST EXTANT. THE EMPEROR THOUGHT IT ALL OUT AND PLANNED IT TO ASTONISH POSTERITY, ANDINCIDENTALLY TO RECORD HIS OWN GREATNESS]

The Coliseum is the largest amphitheatre ever built: it is more than athird of a mile in circumference; it had seats for fifty thousand andstanding room for thousands more. The arena was two hundred andseventy-three by one hundred and twenty feet. Beneath it were the densfor lions, tigers, bears and bulls, with rooms for the gladiators and thehuman victims. It was opened by Titus with a festival lasting over threemonths in 80 A. D. , and five thousand wild animals were killed during thefestivities. It was the place where the Christian martyrs met theirdeaths under the persecuting emperors. The imagination runs riot whiletrying to picture the tragic scenes that took place within its walls inthe presence of multitudes. It had a "bad eminence" all its own. 

The Forum was in the early days the very heart of Rome, and all that wasgreat in it. It contained over sixty temples, public buildings, tombs, triumphal arches, columns and great statues. Here Cicero and otherorators spoke to the people, and famous teachers made it their resort;its name represented the thought and refinement of the age of which itwas the glory. 

When I was in Rome I happened to be domiciled in a bedroom that had aconnecting door with another room of the same size. This door was ofcourse locked, the other room being occupied by an Italian. We had tomake a flying start for Naples at 5 A. M. , and I got up at 4, in order toshave, dress and breakfast in time to catch the train. I opened theproceedings by starting to strop my razor on a big leather strop; thedoor being quite flimsy, my Italian neighbor heard me distinctly, and ashe was trying to fall asleep he became very angry, jumped out of bed andprotested in loud and profane language. I paid no attention to hisprotest and then he rang his bell long and violently. As I wanted tomake a respectable appearance at breakfast, I kept on stroppingdiligently. This added to his indignation, and when the chambermaidentered his den in response to the bell, he ordered her to go into myroom and stop the noise. She rushed toward me and intimated that thegentleman was at the point of death--that he might die at any moment fromheart disease, unless he were permitted to sleep. I felt that a guesthad a right to shave in his own room, therefore I did not desist. Myirate neighbor then jumped out of bed and in his _pajamas_ ran downstairsand brought up the manager, the cashier, the porter and a hall-boy. WhenI opened my door the deputation implored me to cease stropping and startshaving at once, and thus restore peace to the strained situation. Iexplained that I was hurrying to the train and that this would be thelast of me; at which the Count rushed forward and grasping my hand, exclaimed:

"Pardon, signor! shave all you like and do it now, but don't, forheaven's sake, miss the train on any account, for if you commence thathorrible slapping again I shall make my way to the nearest mad house!"

When the cause of the disturbance had ceased, he soon fell asleep, andwhen I began to lather my face he was artistically playing a "_fluto_"obligate with his nose. At this I began to knock on the door, and he atonce called out:

"What now? What you want?"

"I want you to stop snoring or I'll alarm the house and have youexpelled. "

"Ah, you get even with me, you do! I catch the leetle joke. What willyou haf to drink, signor? the wine is on me. "

We left Rome and went by train to--

POMPEII

On a former visit to Pompeii I thought it a grand place, but after all, when the traveller has seen the best, it is ordinary and commonplace. Itwas a town of only about 30, 000 people and almost all of them escaped, sono particular distinction belongs to it in any respect. 

We continued on to Naples, and on the following morning took a localsteamer for Sorrento. We had a look at Vesuvius, which was quiet andsomewhat depressed--as it had lost six hundred feet of its cone at thelast eruption. 

SORRENTO

Landing at Sorrento we took a thirty-mile carriage drive along theprecipitous coast, resting and lunching in a convent at Amalfi, perchedhigh up on the hillside whither we had to climb. Then another drive tothe train, which landed us back in Naples in the early hours of themorning. 

MONTE CARLO

Again we embarked on the _Cork_, and landed at Villefranche. Next day wedrove through Nice and on to Monte Carlo, where we witnessed the motorboat races. After dining at the _Hotel de l'Hermitage_, we visited thetemple of chance with its twenty-five tables, devoted to a variety ofgames. It was all a distinct disappointment. The much vaunteddecorations on the walls of the rooms were polychromatic butuninteresting--attempts at classic decoration such as an Italiansign-painter could easily equal when working for his board. The buildingitself was overdone in elaboration, and represented French architecturein the era when it had "broken loose. " The grounds, however, were fineand the flower display the finest to be found anywhere. The players, menand women, were a debased crowd, of all nationalities. Sordid greed hadeaten into their faces and there was no delight for them in anythingexcept in grabbing the gold the turn of the wheel gave them--and itdidn't give them much in return for what they staked. The games are"square. " There is no cheating other than the well understood"percentage" in favor of the bank, but they are played so quickly thatthe player's capital is turned over thousands of times in a week, and aseach turn means on the average a loss to him of the "percentage, " themoney does not last long. Some gamblers plunge for large sums for ashort time, and are lucky enough to "break the bank at Monte Carlo;" butthey return and give it all back to the prince with interest. All heasks of them is that they shall keep on playing at his game. The visitorwonders most at the dexterity with which the money of all varieties israked, tossed and flung about the board by the croupiers, with apparentlythe utmost recklessness and without mistakes. They have spent theirlives at it and know it the way Paderewski knows his keyboard. Three menare employed at each table to follow all the betting, and they watch likehawks every one playing. So perfectly is the whole thing done that nevera word is spoken; it's all action--simply the placing of the coin on thespot. Most of the players have systems they follow, and prick theircards at each play. Hundreds of others who have no money follow theirsystems, just to see whether they would have won if they had had anythingto risk. 

[Illustration: THE FORUM, ROME'S GREATEST HISTORICAL CLUB, WHERE EVERYMAN HAD A HEARING IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY. SOME GREAT THINGS WERE SAIDTHERE AND THOUGHTS COINED WHICH ARE PASSING CURRENT AS OUR OWN TO-DAY]

We had a charming, moonlight drive back to Villefranche along the shoresof the Mediterranean, where the _Cork_ lay awaiting us, and when all wereaboard we steamed out through the Straits of Gibraltar to Liverpool. 

LIVERPOOL

It was a general holiday at the time in that city, and I lounged aboutthe streets, looking at the crowds of people. The "Pembroke SocialReform League" was holding a mass meeting at the foot of Wellington'smonument in St. George's Square to protest against the Government'sbuilding eight _Dreadnaughts_ at a cost of 14, 000, 000 pounds. The crowdwas all composed of working men and was most orderly; the speakers wereclever and moderate in their attitude. I became interested, and edged upto the foot of the steps in order to hear what was said. The meeting hadlasted about an hour, when one speaker in finishing, remarked:

"I see an American here: will not the gentleman step up and tell us howAmerica feels about these things?"

I was immediately threatened with heart disease and protested, but beforeI knew what I was about a couple of them had pulled me up on the stepsand I was really "up against it, " so I had to say something or beat anignominious retreat. I have always been in full sympathy withdisarmament and the reduction of naval fleets, so I told them I had justreturned from Spain, Italy and Turkey, and had there seen the armiesdrilling and the idle navies anchored in the ports, for the most part atthe expense of the poor people, many of whom had neither food nor decentclothing. At this point a young man called out:

"We are Englishmen--we want no Yankees here!"

I replied:

"Young man, you have made a bad start: I was born less than three hundredmiles from where I stand, and I visited this square many times before youwere born. "

This statement was received with applause and I was allowed to finishwhat little I had to say in peace. The meeting adjourned afterunanimously passing a resolution protesting against the _Dreadnaughts_. Meetings of this character were held continuously all day. 

[Illustration: THE BATHS OF CARACALLA, ROME, WHERE THE ROMANS HAD THEBEST TIMES OF THEIR LIVES AND WERE ALWAYS IN THE PICTURE WHILE IT LASTED]

Then we took a new steamer to New York, and the cruise of the _Cork_ wasa thing of the past. 

Retrospectively I might add that we suffered from a kind of artistic andhistorical dyspepsia, brought about by our inability to digest theimmensity of the things we had seen and their variety. After leavingMadeira the stopping places came so fast that our sightseeing was indeedhard work, each new place blotting out the one that had preceded it. Undoubtedly we would after a while remember the scenes and placesvisited, and we would surely do so if we read the standard writers onthese subjects. 

Of the management it may be said that it had a Herculean task to perform, and its work was well done. If the amount of detail it had to face andarrange had been placed in less skilful hands or neglected, it would havebeen fatal to our comfort and progress. 

My companions were on the whole a bright, alert and sympathetic company. Here and there, of course, there was some friction; human nature, underthe strain put upon it by the length of the cruise and the number ofpeople, could not be expected by the most exacting critic to behavebetter. The unimportant differences of opinion and misunderstandingsthat arose under trying circumstances will fade with the years as theyfly by, and leave only bright, pleasant, interesting memories of all thewonderful things it was our privilege to see on this remarkable trip. 

I offer a humble apology for the slang I have used in these pages, but ithas seemed almost impossible to describe the scenes in connection withJerusalem and Cairo without it--in fact, I couldn't help it!

I regret exceedingly that the anonymous character of this little effortwill not permit me to mention the names of many men and women who, bytheir good-fellowship, sincerity and helpfulness, assisted one another topass the time and make things "go, " when sometimes the going was far fromgood. 

If in any of these lines I have given offence I hope to be pardoned, asnone is intended. Every one knows that a succession of compliments andeulogies makes uninteresting reading, therefore I feel sure of beingthoroughly understood; and further, I should like to add that I believethe formula, "I move we adjourn, " will be appreciated by the patient and, I hope, forgiving reader. At this stage of the proceedings the aeroplanemust be lowered to kiss the dew and so glide into its hangar, regretsbeing current that we had not the pleasure of Messrs. Cook and Peary'scompany as passengers. 

THE AUTHOR. 

THE END