A

DIALOGUE

BETWEEN

Dean _Swift_ and _Tho. Prior_, Esq;

IN THE

Isles of St. _Patrick's_ Church, _Dublin_, On that memorable Day, _October_ 9th, 1753. 

_By a Friend to the Peace and Prosperity of_ IRELAND. 

 _Quæ Gratia Curram Armorumque fuit vivis, quæ Cura nitentes Pascere Equos, eadem sequitur Tellure repostos. _

 VIRG. ÆN. VI. 

_DUBLIN_:

Printed for G. And A. EWING, at the _Angel_ and _Bible_in _Dame-Street_, 1753. 

Transcribers Note. Inconsistent spelling has been retained as in theoriginal text. 

ERRATA

_Page_ 7. _Line_ 19. _for_ Phrases _read_ Praises. 

_P. _ 11. _L. _ 18. _for_ attack _read_ attack'd. 

_P. _ 14. _ L. _ 25. _for_ they _r. _ the Ladies. 

_P. _ 17. _L. _ 22. _for_ emnently _r. _ eminently. 

_P. _ 18. _L. _ 25. _for_ Henepius _r. _ Henepin's. 

_P. _ 26. _L. _ 26. _for_ their _r. _ the. 

_P. _ 27. _L. _ 13. _for_ brag _r. _ boast. 

_P. _ 33. _L. _ 25. _for_ runing _r. _ running. 

_P. _ 34. _L. _ 5. _for_ St. Foil _r. _ St. Foin. 

_P. _ 36. _L. _ 28. _for_ say _r. _ see. 

_P. _ 42. _L. _ 25. _for_ adæquate _r. _ inadequate. 

_P. _ 63. _L. _ 11. _for_ Teas _r. _ Tea. 

_P. _ 71. _L. _ 15. _after_ horrid _r. _ and. 

_P. _ 72. _L. _ 3. _for_ we. _r. _ they. 

_P. _ 75. _L. The last_, _for_ 'tis employ'd in, _r. _ that accompany it. 

_P. _ 85. _L. _ 10. _after_ Virtue _add_, or Learning. 

_P. _ 88. _L. _ 10. _after_ Wall _add_, of. 

_P. _ 88. _L. _ 31. _for_ that _r. _ than. 

A

DIALOGUE

BETWEEN

Dean _Swift_ and _Tho. Prior_, Esq;

In the Isles of St. _Patrick's_ Church, _Dublin, Oct. 9, 1753_. 

PRIOR. Mr. Dean, I am sorry to see you up, if any of your privateAffairs disturb you. I came to call at your Grave, and have a littleDiscourse with you; but unless 'tis the Publick has rouz'd you, I amtroubled to find you walking as well as my self. 

SWIFT. 'Tis my Country keeps me walking! why who can lie still? I don'tbelieve there are many Ghosts now, that have any share of Understanding, or any regard for _Ireland_, that are to be found in their Graves atMidnight. For my part I can no more keep in my Den than if it were theDay of Judgment. I have been earth'd now eight Years last _October_, and I think on my Conscience (and you know _Tom_ the Conscience of onedead Man is worth ten of those that are living) I have had very fewgood Days Sleep since I got there. Ah _Tom_! poor _Ireland_! poor_Ireland_! it plagued my Heart while I was trifling away Life there;but my Curse on it, I never thought it would have broke my Rest thuswhen I was dead. I have tumbled and toss'd from one Side to the other(and by the by, they make these cursed Coffins so narrow 'tis a Plagueto be in them) first one Thing would come into my Head, and thenanother, and often wrought me so, that I have many a time been forcedto walk a whole Moon to rest me and get the better Nap when I lay down. Prithee how have you done?

PRIOR. Why, very little better; only as I have not been so long shut upin my Dormitory as you, the Confinement is less irksome. But I was notaffected the same way with you, for I sometimes slept for Monthstogether like a Dormouse; but when _Ireland_ once gets into my Head andits present melancholy Circumstances, it works my Thoughts upwards anddownwards from the Great Ones to their Slaves, like a poor Patient with_Ward_'s Drop and Pill. 

SWIFT. That has often been my Case _Tom_. When I get into that Train ofthinking, and consider the present Situation of our Country, it makesme as uneasy in my Coffin as a Rat shut up in a Trap. I remember an oldShe[1] Fool, that was fonder of scribling than reigning, used to say, that the Dead have that melancholy Advantage over the Living of firstforgetting them; but 'tis as false as ten thousand other Truths, thatyour Philosophers and Politicians above Ground keep such a babling withover our Heads. For my part I never had that Pleasure, for since myfirst Nap under my Gravestone, which did not last three Weeks, I havebeen as much perplex'd about _Ireland_, as if I was still living at theDeanry, writing for Posterity, and thinking for my poor Country. Whatmakes you sigh so _Tom_? Why you draw your Breath as hard as abroken-winded Racer; some Qualm I suppose about this neglected Island. 

 [1] Queen _Christina_ of _Sweden_. 

PRIOR. That was the Case indeed. But tho' I am chiefly grieved at theill Circumstances of _I----d_, my next trouble is, that the World seemsresolved they shall never mend; and, I think so, by their treating alltrue Patriots in the most unhandsome Manner. This is as mad a Measure, as imprisoning the Physicians in an epidemical Sickness would be. Yetsuch Men, who only could heal our Distempers, are treated almost ascommon Poisoners, and watch'd as if they were Incendiaries and theEnemies of Society. It was too much our own Case when we were amongMen, and tho' I scorn to lament the indifferent Treatment Dean _Swift_and _Tom Prior_ received from those who should have respected andhonoured them; yet I cannot help being concerned for the hard Usage alltrue Patriots generally meet with in _I----d_. Their Writings, tho'ever so disinterested are treated as so many mercenary Productions ofthe Press; their Zeal and their Motives are ever suspected, as falseand personated, and most Governments look on such Authors at best, asso many out-lying Deer, and give all the World leave to hunt them andrun them down. I am sure, as to my Particular, I may justly say, Ifound it so; for, as I well knew, that writing with a Design to pleaseor serve others, ends, generally, either in Neglect or Censure; so, Iwould not have engaged in such a dangerous Undertaking, if I could havequieted my Heart, that was ever tempting me to despise the Danger forthe Hopes of doing good by my Pen. 

SWIFT. I wish Tom the Tribe of Authors had ever writ from such a Turnof Mind, and then I fancy the World had not been so much over-run withBooks. 

PRIOR. I can answer for my self that I had only the Service of myFellow Citizens in view. Let those whose miserable Aim is writing well, be ashamed if they are criticiz'd, or ridiculed, but he who sincerelystrives to serve Millions, must have a Scorn for Malice or Satyr, if hethinks he can feed or cloath half a Nation by scribling. I profess Iwrit whatever I publish'd, barely for the Joy I had in doing someService to my Country, and with so little a view to Reputation, that Iwould have done it, if there had been no such thing as Fame in theWorld; and surely, there is almost as little of that phantastickPleasure to be had here as in the _Isle of Man_, or the _Orcades_. Nay, Dean, I'll go further, I would have done it for the gratifying thepleasing Instinct that lead me to it, if there had not been a greatLord and Parent of Good to approve and reward it. Hence it was that Itroubled the World with a deal of Tracts on publick Subjects; and, Ithank Heaven, my Heart is as little asham'd of it, now I am dead, as Iwas proud of it when I was living, which is what few Authors can saywhen they are coffin'd. I saw writing absolutely necessary to thewell-being of the most neglected Nation under Heaven. I heard, I saw, Ifelt the Displeasure of some great Men for several Things I wrote, which crost their Views, or even disagreed with their Opinions orDesires. I saw few either willing to appear Medlers or Busy-Bodies thisWay; or visibly to hurt their worldly Interests, or to seem fond ofeither Ridicule or Reputation by bustling about it; and, as I was quiteindifferent to those Fears, I hop'd what I did, and the Motives I wenton, might be pardonable if not approveable; and whatever was the Event, I as sincerely despised any Abuse I met with, as I did any Credit, thata few solitary thinking Men might allow me for it. 

SWIFT. Why, really _Tom_, as there is no lying in this World, that weare now launch'd into, I must own there is a great deal of Truth in allyou have said; and tho' I often writ for the Sake of Applause, yetwriting with such a View is a poor Motive, and the best and noblest, and I had almost said, the only justifiable one, is to do Good in anevil World. I don't see any Thing very desireable in the greatestTalents, or in the largest Affluence of Fortune, unless they are insome Measure employed in the Publick Service, and if they be, it trulydignifies them; nay, that single View is enough to sanctify the poorestScribling, and to make the meanest scraping and saving of Avarice, passfor the Marks of a worthy Spirit. But tho' Patriots are generally soill used, by the ungrateful World; you certainly came much better offthan I did, for where you met with one Reviler, I met with one hundred. The Pamphlets wrote against me, wou'd have form'd a Library, or rathera Dormitory, where they might have slept in undisturb'd Repose; insteadof furnishing Grocers and Pastry Cooks for Years together, to make someexpiation for beggaring Printers and Booksellers. I have had Thousandswritten against me, with Virulence and Scandal. 

PRIOR. And what a wounding Grief must that be, to your generous Mind, to have so much Malice returned, where so much Gratitude was due;surely it gave you infinite Pain to be so lash'd and stigmatised, by aRabble, of the most invenom'd and imbitter'd Scriblers upon Earth?

SWIFT. Why, dear _Tom_, I cou'd laugh a Month at you for this. Why, they made no more Impression on my Spirit, with their scurrilousPamphlets, than they wou'd have done, on my Statue, had they thrownthem at it. I ever consider'd, that Abuse from such Scriblers, whowrite for a Livelihood, can no more be thought an Affront, than aBarber's taking you by the Nose; 'tis his Trade, and the Wretch wouldstarve if you stopt him. What harm did all their Ribaldry do me? Ineither eat, nor drunk, nor slept the worse for it. I don't suppose, that the scape Goat, which the _Jews_ loaded with Curses, and droveinto the Wilderness, either died by their Maledictions, or grew a whitthe leaner for them; nor was I ever the worse for all I met with. Why_Tom_, one had as good be a sensitive Plant, as to start and fly back, at every Touch, or every Appearance of being Touch'd, as some weak Mendo. 

PRIOR. We may Reason thus, but Nature generally over masters ourOpinions. 

SWIFT. Yes, when they are of opposite Sides, but in this point theymust agree. Consider, what a wretched Thing would Merit be, whose chiefsupport is a justly deserved good Character, if it depended for itsreal Fame, on the Writings (if we must call them Writings) of enviousScriblers, or the Tongues, of Slanderers, who wou'd both of them fainget a Scrap of Reputation, by vilifying exalted Names. No, _Tom_, thereis something in true Merit, so independent of Applause and Censure, andso superior to the going out, or coming into Vogue, that it frequentlytakes the Injuries of such Reptiles as a kind of Homage; like theAbuses offered by the common Soldiers, to Conquerors when they Ride inTriumph, and which they valued as little as the senseless Phrases andShouts of the multitude. 'Tis time enough for true Merit and Goodnessto expect Justice from Men; when it receives the Euge of theOmnipotent; for then only will Malice be out of Countenance, Envysilent, and then only will Truth (the Language of Eternity) prevail!

PRIOR. Well, very well, Mr. _Dean_. But I am much mistaken, if you wasnot heartily Sick of your Patriotism, when you was so often branded andasperst by such Crowds of Pamphlets and Scriblers. 

SWIFT. Dr. _Tom_, they never gave me a moment's Pain, for the Truth is, I was too proud to be affronted, and had too high a Spirit to behumbled, by such Insults, or else indeed I had met with Opportunitiesenough to make me pass my Time very uneasily. But in the next placethose who Writ against me, were mere toothless Animals, or at least aSort of _Irish_ Vipers, that tho' they lov'd to Bite, yet they wantedthe pungent Venom which gives the Torment. Many of their Tracts werethe poorest Productions that ever disgraced the Press; without Style, or Wit, or Sense, or Argument. I remember one of them, where both I, and the Subject he writ on, were equally ill-treated, begun like a_Hebrew_ Book at the wrong End, with an Apology for the Author'sinability to handle such weighty Points as they deserved; and indeed_Tom_, that single Confession was the only Thing that look'd like Truthor Modesty in the whole Performance. How could I be affronted by suchmiserable Efforts of Malice? and above all, if the natural elevation ofmy Mind, had not enabled me to look down on them with Disdain, theDignity and usefulness of my Life, help'd me to smile on them asimpotent and harmless. I was so far from being mortified by their baserevilings, that I think, I wrote the better for them, and with higherSpirit, as a well mettled Horse moves the brisker for being lashed. Besides, as I often wrote for the service of the World; and theInterests of Mankind, I always appeared with every Advantage, thatCandour, Honesty, and Courage, cou'd give me against Injustice, Oppression, and Tyrany. I wrote for Truth and Reason, for Liberty, andthe Rights of my Country and Fellow-Subjects; and it gave me Joy, tosee the Minions of a Court, and the Slaves of Power, stare at thedextrous boldness of my Pen, as I fancy a Cuckold does at a Deer, whenhe sees it cast its Horns. 

PRIOR. Why dear _Dean_, I will not oppose you too obstinately; but I amsure, you will not deny, that you were sufficiently mortified, withother Things, if you were not with the Sarcasms of your Rival Writers. 

SWIFT. What other Things pray?

PRIOR. Why your not being perferr'd, nor advanc'd in the Church. 

SWIFT. I renounce it! I deny it! I lost nothing by not being preferred, but an enlarged Power of doing Good; and the Day is coming (much soonerthan the Feeders on the Earth imagine) when I shall be allowed asfully, for the Good I would have done, as for that which I was able toaccomplish. The Publick indeed lost many, and perhaps considerableAdvantages, and I some hearty Prayers, by that Disappointment; at thesame Time, I ever look'd on the Gain of Preferment with the noblestScorn: I hardly look'd with more on those that disgraced it, yourA----s, and your B----s, your C----s, and your D----s. The truth is, Isaw in this same scurvy World, so many bad Men pass for good; so manyFools for wise; so many Ignorants for Learned; and so many Knaves forhonest, and rewarded accordingly, that I was rather provok'd, thanmortified. However, I never fretted, but rather diverted my Spleen, with the World's fine Mistakes; and I enjoyed in _Petto_, that justdelight of a truely honest Mind, of either pitying, or contemning everyworthless Animal, whose Advancement made him look down on me, withInsolence or Scorn. 

PRIOR. That was a peculiar felicity of Temper. 

SWIFT. It was so, and I enjoy'd it fully. If sometimes, I was weakenough to be angry at such Events, I took care, that my Ill-humour, shou'd be as useful to the Publick, as my good cou'd have been. I everdespised undeserved Grandeur, and misapplied Power, and therefore fewPeople in high Posts, or even Kings or Queens, or Ministers, cou'd everbrag much of my Condescension, in speaking a good Word for them toPosterity, or endeavouring to blind the Eyes of the present Times, byPrinting either lies or Truths in their Favour. 'Tis true, I almost asseldom gave them any Proofs of my Spite; partly out of neglect, and adespair of doing any good by it; but chiefly, as I rather chosequarrelling with my Equals, whom I cou'd safely treat as ill as theyused me; for after all _Tom_, tho' a Man hates Lyons and Tygers, thereis no great Wit or Wisdom in throwing Stones at them, and provoking thelordly Monsters, to try the strength of their Mouths, or their Fangs onyou. 

PRIOR. I entirely agree with you there, Dean, but it is certain, if youwas not mortified, you was enraged at the ill Usage your Patriotismdrew on you from the Men in Power. This therefore, must have disturbedyour mind remarkably, and as I was observing at first had never givenyou any uneasiness, had you been less zealous in your Country'sService. 

SWIFT. I shall chuse to say little to that; tho' probably had they usedme more generously, both they and I had been better pleased. I know myFoes said, if I had not hated the Ministry so much, I had not lov'd_Ireland_ so well, nor fought her Battles so stoutly against a stupidWorld, and a juncto of Copper-Coiners, Oppressors and Tax-Gatherers. But indeed, _Tom_, I scorn'd to write from such mean-interested Viewsand partial Ends; but I wrote because I lov'd Honour, Truth andLiberty, more than fifty _Irelands_. Nay, upon my Word, if I had liv'dthree Winters in _Lapland_, and found it as much opprest, I would havemade War with my Pen on the _Danes_, with the same Spirit, and attackthem for so basely distressing the Slaves that croucht to them, anddurst not on pain of Ruin howl under their Rods. I thank Heaven, I gotthe better of the redoubted Sir _Robert_, in that important Affair; andif I had liv'd a little longer, and my Organs had not declined toofast, I would have kept all the great Bashaws of _Europe_ in myDependance as _Aretine_ did. 

PRIOR. Why, Dr. Dean, I was complaining of the hard Fate and ill Usagetrue Patriots meet with in the World, from its Neglects, if not fromits Oppressions; and you stop my Mouth with Declamations of their Worthand their Influence, and make them the most formidable People in it. Don't you consider how easily they are crusht by Power. 

SWIFT. No! But I consider how easily they can crush Power, I meanabused Power, when they attack Oppression and plead for Liberty, and aninjured People. If I was to be restored to Life again (which Heavenforbid) and was in the Prime of my Parts and Spirits, I could overturnbad Ministers as easily with my Pen, as _Mahomet_ in his Alcoran says, the Archangel _Gabriel_ did Mountains with the Feather of his Wing. AnAuthor whose Writings are bottom'd on Truth, and influenced by noMotives but the sincere Love of his Country can do Wonders. As he Actsright he fears nothing; and if he be Opprest, his Sufferings do butexalt his Character and encrease his Strength as well as his Courage. Iever found this true by Experience, I never had more Spirit, moreResolution, than when I was most eminently injured; nor did I everexert my self in a more distinguished Manner than when the Interests oftwo Kingdoms were both at Work, and labouring by the help of a Villainin Scarlet Robes, to String me up as a Trumpeter of Rebellion. Godforgive the Enemies of sincere Patriots, who make use of all their Artsand their Power to crush and oppress them; but tho' I pray for them, Imust own _Tom_, if Beggars, were to be chusers, I had rather theyshould be forgiven after they had been severely punish'd for theirmisdeeds, for otherwise, when Oppressors gall Men or Nations too long, Providence bears half blame. 

PRIOR. I shall submit to all you advance _Dean_, provided you quit thisSubject, (which I unluckily started) and go to another, which I came totalk about, and is of more Importance; I mean our poor Country, and itspresent State and Circumstances; when I died, I thought I had left itin a very improving way, and on the mending hand, by my Writings and myconstant Labours in its Service, and had I liv'd a little longer, Iwou'd have wrote some Tracts, that wou'd have prevented someDistresses, which I hear, are likely to fall heavy on her. 

SWIFT. Dreams! Whims! and Delusions! If you had wrote your self asblind as _Milton_ did, what Service cou'd you do a Nation that neverthinks. You might as well expect to cure the Deaf by talking to them;Idiots by reasoning with them; or to rouse the Dead as the _Romans_ didby bawling and weeping for their miserable Condition. If they had beenretrievable by any Writings, I may justly say, they had been retrievedby mine. 

 _----Si Pergama dextra, Defendi possent, etiam hâc defensa fuissent. _

But all such hopes are vain. Preach to Fishes and talk to Wolves likeSt. _Anthony_ and St. _Francis_, and try what Change it will make inthem, and be assur'd, just so much and no more, would your Argumentsand Eloquence do, with our heedless Countrymen. I told them of theirDanger, and every impending Ruin in Print, Winter after Winter, asregularly as Men wish People a good Year, every first of _January_; forlet me tell you _Tom_, repetitions of this Sort, are as necessary in aNation, that will not readily mind good Advice, as crying Fire! Fire!in a City in Flames, where all are drunk or asleep, and must eitherrouse and bestir themselves, or Perish. I cannot help boasting a littleon this Subject, I have a Title to it; these Hands were almost asuseful to the People of _I----d_, as _Moses_'s were to the _Jews_: WhenI lifted them up, all went well; when I dropt them, all went wrong. However, I must own, that as to the bulk of the Nation, tho' I triedthem, and studied them, for half a Century, I ever found that theywou'd not be at the pain of thinking, for half an hour, to secure theirease and happiness for half a Year. But, pray _Tom_, before you speakof the Distresses that menace _I----d_, let me hear what Grounds youhave to say, She was, in a tolerable improving way, and on the mendinghand (as you call'd it) when you died. I have heard indeed, from theGhosts of some half-starved Silk-Weavers, and some Manufacturers of_Irish_ Woollen Goods, that died of Hunger and Poverty, that _I----d_was vastly improv'd, as to Elegance of Taste, in her Gentry, as toeating and drinking: That they understood Musick, infinitely betterthan their Ancestors; that they drest vastly more agreeably than theirstupid Grandmothers, and shew'd more good Sense in the nice choice oftheir Suits, and the Fancy and richness of their Cloaths, as well asthe modest way of imitating naked _Eve_, in wearing them, than the lastAge did. I was assured also, that they danced inconceivably finer thanever; that their Races, and their Subscriptions for them, quite surpastall Imagination; and that they gam'd deeper, and lost their Guineaswith more ease and politeness, even to Strangers and Sharpers, thantheir Fathers did their Shillings to one another. As to any otherImprovements, and particularly as to Learning, Virtue, or Piety, (whichprobably were over-look'd in the Account) they poor famish'd Devils, cou'd tell me nothing of them. 

PRIOR. You are very merry _Dean_ with the madness of our Countrymen, but I fear by and by, I shall hear another Story, and be as melancholywith their Miseries. However, as you desire it, I shall give you a fairAccount what these Improvements were, which made me think our poorCountry was in a tolerable Way. And in the first Place, I shall mentionour numerous and extended Turnpikes, which have been carried on withincredible Application and surprizing Expence in all Parts, and I hadalmost said, brought to every Town, of the least Name, or Consequencein the Kingdom. Of what infinite Advantage this must prove to the Easeand Convenience of all Travellers, to the facilitating and promotingour inland Commerce, and the general Service of Trade, I need not tellyou. 

SWIFT. Ah, _Tom_, I know very well, if _I----d_ had almost as many highWays in it as the Ocean, what Advantages it would produce to us. Thiswas one of the great Arts of the ancient _Romans_, who had prodigiousRoads running thro' every Province, in a strait Line to the Capital ofthe Empire. But Alas! We copy them in our boasted Causeways, as we doin our Standing Armies, without having any real Business for either ofthem. I will for some Time, at least, drop the delicate Subject of ourTroops; but as to the other Point, I must say, I think it is a Curseupon us, that we can't even copy a good Example (for bad Ones we domore adroitly) but we do it in a tricky dirty Manner, and with as manyDeviations as we can. Why, dost thou not know, _Tom_, what base filthyJobs, Knaves, and Mean-foul'd Wretches have made, and do still make ofthese magnified Turnpikes. I was once fix'd to write a Book of all theCheats, and all the Reptiles, of what Quality or Station soeverconcern'd in them, but I found it would be so voluminous, that I leftthe Care of it to Posterity, as one of the largest Branches of _Irish_History, and Wisdom. But to dwell as little on such melancholyDisgraces of our Country, as I can, I will chuse only to hint to you, that fine Roads, without Travellers, and Stage-Coaches, withoutPassengers, are useless Things, that must soon be dropt; and withoutManufactures, and proper Employment to set us at Work, can neither befor Use or Pleasure. Indeed, if we had Trade, and the Roads were fairlyfinish'd, they might help it; but in the mean Time, methinks we are inhis Case, who built the Mill, without knowing whence to bring Water toit, or where to procure Grist for it. Nay, to make bad worse, after somany Acts for Turnpikes, you cannot but know, _Tom_, that we want onegeneral Act to make them all passable. I am loth to be too severe onthem, and those who make Pence by spoiling them; and therefore I willonly say, passable for Footmen at least; for as to Carriages, if theyare allowed to be driven on some of these Roads, they will be the utterRuin of each other. But as I am quite sick of this, prithee _Tom_, letus go to some other Improvements of _Ireland_. 

PRIOR. Why, the next I shall mention is one, which you cannot easilytalk me out of, and that is, our prodigious Number of Converts; which, considering the Prejudices of a bigotted People, (envassaled to _Rome_, and Superstition) exceeds all Belief. It is a Matter of the highestConsequence to our Welfare, that we have so astonishing a Crowd of allRanks, Fortunes, and Circumstances that have come over to our Church, who were formerly our inveterate Enemies, and are now perfectly unitedto us, both in our religious and political Interests: This is not onlya great discomfort, and weakening to the Popish Party, but aconsiderable Encouragement and Strength, to all who wish well to theProtestant Religion in _Ireland_. As the Papists are now quitedepriv'd, of all Men of Fortune, Family or Character, that were capableof heading their Attempts, or forming their Schemes of any Sort; I haveever look'd on this Affair of our numerous Converts, as likely tocontribute emnently to the Peace and Prosperity of this Island. By thismeans, those spiritual Factions, which have often produced such fatalEffects here, by Rebellions and national Massacres, will be utterlyextinguished, and both Conformists, Dissenters and Papists, will in alittle Time, live in as much Harmony and Good-Humour together; as ifour Statesmen had learn'd the Art of Father _Boubours_'s Friend, who hetells us, had taught a Dog, a Cat, and a Mouse, to eat quietlytogether. 

SWIFT. The Dissenters live in Harmony and good Humour! What, _Tom_, cannot even the Grave open your Eyes; as to those Favourites of yours, the Dissenters, after all the Pranks they have been playing of late, asif they had a mind to make good, all I ever writ against them: But keepyour old kind Opinion of them, _Tom_, to your self, for I shall notdispute on it now, because a few Years, and a few Facts, will shew youfully what they drive at, and so to that great Explainer Time, I leavethem, unless you start the Subject hereafter. As to our Converts whichare our present Topick, I shall only say, when you consider how theymanage, whose Interests they espouse, and who they herd with, you willnot be too ready to vouch for their Sincerity, or build on theirFriendship, especially when their Conversion is brought about, byworldly Interests, and securing their Estates. They remember, I fancythe Advice of _Alexander_ the Great to the _Athenians_, who refused toown him for a God:

 [2]_Videte Athenienses ne dum Coelum custodiatis, Terram amittatis_, and therefore they take Care, not to sacrifice their Lands andTenements, to Opinions that are equally inconsistent and inconvenient. As for the Story of Father _Boubours_'s Friend, I shall only answer it, with one of Father Henepius, who was a very honest Missionary, and hadmade some Converts among the _Indian_ Savages. In the small Number ofthose he had brought over, he met with an old Woman, whom he had takenso much pains in instructing, that at last he had thoroughly convinc'dher; and having admitted his new Christian to Baptism, he made her apresent (and a very agreeable one to the Savages) of a Pound ofTobacco: In a few Weeks, (after behaving very well) this old Womancomes to Father _Henepin_, and tells him her Tobacco was gone, and begsof all Love, he wou'd give her another Pound, and she wou'd thenconsent to be Christned anew. I will make no Application, _Tom_, but ifany of your _Irish_ Conversions, seem to bear some Resemblance withthis, as to their Motives and Conduct, I think you need not boast muchof any Advantages, to be deriv'd from them. 

 [2] _Look to it_ Athenians, _lest whilst you guard Heaven too closely you should lose your Lands. _

PRIOR. I look on our Converts in a very different Light; Numbers ofthem are unquestionably sincere; and if any of them may be justlysuspected, I am sure their Children, and Grand-Children; will beactually as good Protestants, as any in _England_, where a fewGenerations ago, all were bigotted Slaves to _Rome_ and Popery. Uponthis Footing it is, that I will also reckon up to you, our Charterworking Schools, as another great Improvement in _I----d_, and whichgave me great Hopes of our drawing prodigious Advantages from them. The_Janizaries_, who are Sons of Christians taken Captives in theirInfancy, are not a greater Strength to the _Turks_, or a greaterweakening to their Enemies, than these Children, will be to our Churchand Kingdom. This is the Surest, and safest Method of striking at theRoot of the Popish Party, in our divided Country; and will secretly andwithout Noise or Violence, or the Terror of Penal Laws, sap andundermine their great Support their Numbers, and that old partitionWall of the _Irish_ Tribes, and the _English_ Families, and make us inTime but one People. There are few Counties in the Kingdom, that havenot one, or more, Charter Schools establish'd in them; and as theChildren, I am told, are computed to near fifteen Hundred, and willprobably in a few Years, amount to double that Number, I cannot buthope to see great Effects from this happy Institution. 

SWIFT. Why truly, _Tom_, in three or four Centuries, something may bedone; but Schools and Children are as slow a way of working, as sowingAcorns, in order to raise Forests, for building Fleets and Cities. Besides, the Funds allowed this noble Design, are so small, as if theywere subscrib'd by Papists, in order to cramp it, and lessen itsEfficacy; whereas the Contributions ought to be as extended as itsViews, and suited to the removal of our great national Defect, ourreligious Differences. Neither ought such an important Scheme, to beleft depending on Fits of good Humour, and the Yearnings of Charity, which are influenced so much by the Variations of popular Opinion, andChanges of Weather, and Times, and Seasons. Withall I must tell you, _Tom_, that the whole Body of the Popish Clergy, have been so violentin opposing it, by denying the Communion and Absolution, to all theirMembers, that send Children to such Schools, and cursing it and them, with Bell, Book, and Candle, in all their Congregations, that Iapprehend it will be yet harder, to get Children to fill the Schools, than even a Fund to maintain them there. 

PRIOR. It must be owned the popish Clergy have done their utmost, todiscredit and overturn this Design. This however, is a stronger Proofof the exceeding Usefulness of it, than of their Prudence in thwartingit so violently, as they confessedly have done. However, as this is aScheme which his Majesty has so generously, and so warmly espoused, Iam the more inclined to believe, that from his Royal Protection, itwill probably operate more expeditiously, than you imagine: And ifthese wise Priests will consider, that if they go on to undermine thesePlans of their Governors, it may force them to blow up at once, theirwhole Church Government, and oblige all Priests, on pain of HighTreason, to take out all their Titles from the King, or ProtestantBishops only, it may make them more cautious and moderate in theirmighty Zeal. A Priest in _Ireland_, shou'd be as quiet, and as passive, as a Protestant Minister in _France_; and if once they are so, we shallsoon find our Charter Schools more crowded than their Mass Houses, andtheir Parents, as manageable as their Children. 

SWIFT. I am afraid their fixt Opposition to our Government may producesome wholesome Statutes to curb their ill-judg'd Zeal; but if theybehave with Decency, and a due Submission to the Laws and theGovernment, I shou'd be sorry to see any Severities thought necessary. 

PRIOR. So shou'd I, and probably their own Prudence and Moderation mayprevent it; and to that we may leave it. In short, dear _Dean_, 'tis aseasy removing this Evil, as drawing a loose Tooth, if it gives us noPain, there it may stay 'till it rots; if it does Pain us, and severelytoo, out it must go, and let those who give the Pain look to it. But Iwill drop this Subject, and go on to another considerable Improvement, that has of late Years been carried on with particular Emulation andSuccess, and that is, the surprising Improvement in the Breed of bothour black Cattle, and our Horses. The first of these, we have takenuncommon Care about, by Importing great Numbers of the finest Bulls andHeifers, from _England_. It is true, the fatal Disease, that infectedmost of the horned Beasts for some Years past in _Great Britain_, forc'd us to suspend our Importations of them for some Time; butnevertheless, I will be bold to say, there are but few breedingCounties, on the other Side of the Water, which produce Cattle thatexcell those, which are bred by a vast many of our Gentlemen, either asto Beauty, Size, Leather, or Milk. 

As to our Horses, it is confest by the best Judges, that by bringingover the noblest Stallions, and the highest bred Mares, we may boast ofhaving raised the Character of both our Racers and Hunters to asurprizing Degree. We send over great Numbers every Year abroad and Iam assured, that in the _French_ King's Stables, they make as great aFigure, and are as much esteemed, as those of any Country in _Europe_, if we except _Great Britain_. Our Nobility and Gentry, are sopassionately fond of keeping fine Studs, and the highest priced CattleFor Blood and Performance, that if they go on, as they have hithertodone, to lay out such large Sums in indulging this Humour, we may inTime expect to pay Part of the dreadful Importation of _French_ Claret, by our _Irish_ Horses. 

SWIFT. I wonder you don't brag of our Importing Jack-Asses, andbreeding Mules here, among your other mighty Nothings you boast of somagnificently. For my part, _Tom_, I see no great Advantage to theService of _Ireland_, that a few private Gentlemen have improv'd theBreed of the horned Cattle. You may as well argue, that some of our_Irish_ Senators marrying a few celebrated Toasts for their Beauty, wou'd improve the natural homeliness of the Commonality. 

Indeed the Improvement made in the Breed of our _Irish_ Horses, Ibelieve will grow very general, and have more enlarged Consequences, among our People, as Racing favours some of their darling Passions, their Indolence and Idleness, Gaming and Drinking, and the helping ourFox-Hunters off, with their Time and their Fortunes, which I everthought, two of the greatest Burdens to our _Irish_ Gentlemen in theWorld. If they wou'd turn themselves, to breed Cattle to mount ourTroops, or draw our Carriages, they might indeed save us 5000_l. _ aYear, and do something truly beneficial to our Country; but, _Tom_, they have Souls above the little Views of being useful, and managingtheir Expences, and keeping our Cash in the Kingdom, are low Arts andTricks, fitter for the mean Notions of a Merchant or a Mechanick, thanMen of Fortune and Family, that are as proud and as thoughtless as somany noble _Spaniards_. 

PRIOR. Well, _Dean_, in spite of all your Objections, I think I havenam'd several considerable Improvements, in our poor Country, whichgave me Reason to say, she was on the mending Hand; and I have notnam'd all, for the very encrease of our Numbers of late Years, is avast Addition to our Strength, Credit, and Figure, as a Nation. I thinkthe Dealers in Political Arithmetick, compute that every Nation, unwasted by Famines, Wars, or Plagues, doubles the Quantity of itsPeople in 250 Years; but I have seen Computations, that between ourearly Marriages, the Breedyness of our People, the Importations of ourNeighbours, the Mildness of our Climate, and the Fertility of our Soil, evidently prove, that we have frequently doubled the Amount of ourInhabitants in half that Time. The Truth is, the matter of Fact is soincontestable, that I need not recollect all the Proofs, on which theyground their Assertion; but I shall only observe to you, _Dean_, thatthis is a very singular Advantage, since it is certain, that we outbreed the _Jews_, and in spite of our Wars and Massacres, we seem tomultiply like the _Polypus_, by being cut to Pieces. 

SWIFT. Stuff and Nonsense! To tell me of our Numbers, when they onlyserve to multiply our Wretchedness and Miseries: Does this prove us onthe mending Hand, as you term it? Why you talk like a Physician, thatwanted more Fees for doing nothing! 'Tis hard, _Tom_, you cannot be inthe Right sometimes, and speak Truth now and then. Did ever Man beforeyou boast of having Crowds of Beggars? And what are we else? For Iverily think, tho' Sir _William Petty_ says, Nature never design'dabove one in 500 to beg by forcing them on the Charity of others, (thro' some Lameness, Crookedness, or other accidental Debility, thatincapacitates them to Labour) that in _Ireland_ one in seventy areBeggars, (at least for the Summer Season, ) and sixty of the Remainderincapable of relieving them, thro' their own Distresses. All theAdvantages we have thro' the encrease of our Inhabitants, is, that forwant of being employ'd, they furnish us with Thieves, Pilferers andSharpers, private Wenches, and common Whores, Cheats and Robbers, Pickpockets, Gamesters, Tinkers and Vagabonds. We get also by thisblessed means some Foundlings for our Hospitals, and Brats for ourCharter Schools, Shoe-boys, and News Criers, and when they're grown up, Recruits for the holy Convents and Nunneries, and the wise and reverendBody of the Popish Priests. We have also the Advantage of able bodiedVolunteers, for the Armies of our dear Allies the _French_; Shoals ofTransports, that escape from the Gallows, to the Plantations abroad, and a superfetation of Felons, to give a little Business to our Judges, Justices, and Hangmen at home, and to keep up an Appearance of ourbeing govern'd like other Nations. How many Thousands do we see, taketheir flight abroad every Year, like Birds of Passage, to search forFood and Subsistance in other Countries? How many Thousands neverreturn again to us, no more than Prisoners to their Confinement, whenthey've broke loose from their hard Fare, and their Fetters. I do notexaggerate in the least; our Numbers, till we can give them Business athome, are as much a Curse and a Burthen as too large a Garrison in abesieged Town that wants Provisions: If, as political Writers agree, the true Interests of any Country consists in the Prosperity not ofsome, but of all the People in it, then I am sure _Ireland_, with herboasted Numbers, is in a bad way; as all her poor Popish Natives, or inother Words, three-fourths of her swarming Inhabitants, have neitherHouses, Cloaths, Work, Food, or Fire. This is a dismal self-evidentTruth, that demands the serious Consideration of every Irishman, thatcan think, or can learn to think. At the same Time, our Nobility andGentry set their Lands excessively high, get their Rents paid to aPenny, have as little fear of Wars or Taxes as of Famines, and live aswell (rambling, and squandering their Fortunes all over the World) asany People whatever, without one uneasy Thought, as to theCircumstances of those Crowds of their Countrymen that are starvinghere. The Truth is, few Men are sick of other People's Ailments; and asthese honest Gentlemen find themselves quite at Ease, they can't thinkothers are in Misery. It puts me in mind, _Tom_, of the famous _LaBruyere_'s Account of a great Statesman in _France_, who sign'd anArret, that wou'd have starv'd some Millions of People; however, sayshe, in his sarcastical way, he is to be excused, for how cou'd he, withhis Stomach full of Meat, and his Head fuming with Wine, have anynotion of a whole Province perishing with Hunger? In other Countries, where some Care is taken to employ their Hands, and secure themNecessaries of Life, within the reach of their Labour, their Numbersare their Strength and their Happiness; but here where nobody thinksfor us, and we are too sottish or desperate to think for ourselves; ourNumbers only increase our Misfortunes, like Lice on a diseased andfamish'd Beggar. Our common _Irish_ are cloathed with Rags, that wou'ddisgrace a Dunghill in _Holland_; they live five Months in the Yearwithout Food, unless you will call Potatoes and Salt by that Name; nay, they live without Houses, unless Holes twice as big, and twice asdirty, as an _English_ Hogsty, deserve that Title, which they Buildtoo, just for a Year, as Birds build their Nests, and then away toanother Place in the Spring. And to brag of our Numbers, in suchdeplorable Circumstances, is just as rational, as for a Miller to bragof having Thousands of Rats in his Mill, tho' they are starving andthieving, and ready to eat up one another, for a little more Room andPlunder. 

PRIOR. Dear _Dean_, you are too severe, and have too imbitter'd a wayof Speeching, on all Things relating to _Ireland_. I reckon theencrease of our Hands the greater Blessing, as the advancement of ourLinen Business is likely in some Years, to find Employment for Crowdsof our People; and consequently to give them all the Conveniences, aswell as the Necessaries of Life, in a reasonable Plenty: The prodigiousProgress which this useful Manufacture, had made among us, was alsoanother Reason for my saying, I left _Ireland_ on the Recovery, when Iwas call'd Home: It generally encreases about 20, 000 _l. _ per Ann. Onan Average; and begins to spread so very fast in _Leinster_, _Connaught_ and _Munster_, that in a little Time we may hope to seemany Thousands of Families, which are now famishing, easy in theirCircumstances, and useful to their Country. We begin to be convinced, that our chief view herein must be to increase the Number of Acressowed with Flax-Seed, and the Spinners who Manufacture it; for if thesewere doubled (and with Care and Time they will be doubled) they wou'dsoon enrich us, and employ many Hands, that are now a Burthen to us. 'Tis certain there is not by the fairest Computation, over thefifteenth Part of our People employ'd at present in this Business; andit ought to be our great Care, to have as many busied this way, in theother three Provinces, as there are in _Ulster_. Twenty Thousand Acresof Flax will furnish us with Materials enough, to keep an eighth partof our People employ'd; and as we neither want Ground enough to supplyus with sufficient Quantities of excellent Flax, nor Hands to work itup, if we wou'd use them; there is little doubt, but by proper Laws, ifwe can get them, and well judg'd Premiums, if we are allowed them, weshall soon see this blessed Affair establish'd. There is no danger ofgrowing too large a Quantity of Flax, or of manufacturing too large aStock of Linen; the demand for them is so considerable already, andwill encrease every Day, with our Skill and Industry in theManufacture; and if we enlarge the Sallaries of our Lappers, andthereby secure the Credit of their Seals, it is probable, we shalloutwork, and under sell all our Rivals. 

SWIFT. A very fine and a very plausible Account of Things; but do youknow, _Tom_, of no Objection against this promising Calculation ofyours? Are there no Fears to ballance these growing Hopes, and mightyProspects?

PRIOR. None that I know of, Mr. _Dean_. I have exaggerated nothing, butcandidly represented the true State of this Manufacture; nay I ought tohave added to it, the flourishing State of our Cambricks in _Ulster_, and particularly at _Dundalk_; where we have as happy an Example set usin the North, as a certain Baronet, and Friend of mine, has given us inthe South; what our Nobility and Gentry can do to help us, when theyEmploy an enlarged Fortune, and an improv'd Understanding, in advancingour Manufactures, and labouring to enrich and enliven our Country. Imight justly have brought in also, the reasonable Hopes we have, thatour Hempen Manufactures, may in a few Years, be so assisted, as toenable us to give Wings to the Navy of _Great Britain_, and Shirts toher Seamen; to her great saving, and our equal Gain and Honour. By thismeans, the rich Lands in _Munster_ and _Connaught_, may be as happilyemploy'd, as the less fertile Fields, in the North; and have no Reasonto Envy the superior Industry and Wealth of their Neighbours: And thenour Women, (who used to be the most useless Members of our Country, before they distinguish'd themselves in our Linen Business, ) wou'd havea new Opportunity given them, to shew themselves the best, and the mostindustrious Creatures in it. 

SWIFT. I think, _Tom_, we may spare our Compliments to the Women, nowwe are dead, who paid so little Regard to them while we were living. But to pass by that, I must tell you, I have let you go on a longwhile, without contradicting you on this favourite Article, which Ialways think on with satisfaction, as it is the staple Commodity ofthis Island, and the chief Support of our Poor. But you shou'd act thePart of one of those faithful Lappers you were talking of, and put theworst part of their Cloth Manufacture outmost, and then Matters wou'dwear a very different Aspect. Do you consider what a dangerous Rival_Scotland_ has been, and is likely more and more every Day to prove, tothis miserable Country; and with how much ease she may exert herJealousy against us, to the cramping, or possibly, to the blasting allour Hopes. Do you reflect, how she may reduce you to the precariousDependance of sending over every Sessions a Linen Bill; and to hold thevery Subsistance of our Manufactures, or in other Words, the Life of_Ireland_, by her sole Will and Pleasure. 

PRIOR. I have often heard this Objection started, but never thoughtthere was Danger enough in it to deserve an Answer, because I amconvinced, it is equally false and absurd. _Great Britain_ knows andfeels, that the improving these Manufactures here, is of vast Serviceto her, as it weakens her Enemies, and strengthens her Friends; andthat all she pays us with one Hand, is quickly repaid by us into theother. _Scotland_ also knows, that there is a vast demand for all theLinens she and _Ireland_ can work up; and that _England_ alone consumesabove the Value of a Million, imported by Foreigners, more than she and_Ireland_ can supply her with: She knows therefore, that there is noCause for Rivalship, and if there was, she wou'd exert herself todiscourage the Manufactures of Foreigners, before she wou'd attempt toruin a Sister Nation, so closely united to her in the great Cause ofReligion and Liberty, and all the weighty Interests that tie Nationstogether. This is so evedent, so sacred a Truth, that I am so far frombeing jealous of Opposition and Rivalship from that Quarter, that I amconfident of all that Assistance and Encouragement to our Linens, whichhas been so often promised from _Great Britain_, and made good to us, by the repeated Orders of our Kings; and not only by the Speeches ofour Lords Lieutenants, but by the most useful Laws from the Throne. Nay, I doubt not, if by any evil Arts of our Enemies, any distress orobstruction, should hereafter be procured to our Manufacturers; weshou'd find on a candid Complaint of our Injury, an immediate Redressfrom that honest Spirit, which ever regulates the _English_ Councils, and makes them detest tricky Politicks, as much as open Oppression, andhas ever inspired them with a noble Zeal, to assist and protect therighteous Cause of Truth, Industry and Liberty. 

SWIFT. It may be so! very likely--but possibly, _Tom_, her aid mightcome too late for our Misery; and we might cry out, like the poor_Roman_ Knight _Lancia_, who bawl'd out for help, when the Pile he waslaid on, was all in Flames, and his Friends could do him no Service. Besides, _Tom_, not to mention that your rising Manufacture fell lastYear 132, 000 _l. _ Have you not heard how your last Linen Bill, was somiserably mutilated, that it was forc'd to be dropt; and that theNation was fobb'd off with a senseless Tale of a sleepy heedless Clerk;which if you have not heard, I can give you a full Account of. 

PRIOR. There is no Occasion, for I am quite convinced there was no suchDesign. Do you think it possible, that Men of high Characters forHonour and Candour, Justice and Integrity, cou'd sport in so infamous aManner with the Fate of Nations, and the very Bread and Being of afree, a brave, and a loyal People? Can you suppose, such a Personage aswas then watching over our Welfare, wou'd from an universal Reputation, for every great and good Quality, turn in an instant to a barbarous_Caligula_, and Wish to cut off a whole Kingdom at a Blow? Absurd andimpossible! 'Tis not only reflecting on our Governors, basely andfalsely; but in some Measure on the best of Princes too; since it isimpossible we cou'd be subtily and insidiously betray'd by the one, without being secretly doom'd to Ruin by the other. Now this, Mr. _Dean_, is a Conduct so utterly opposite to his royal Nature andCharacter, who now gives Glory to the _British_ Throne; that I ampersuaded, he is incapable of acting so to his most perfidious Enemies, and much less to the most zealous and faithful Subjects in the World. 

SWIFT. Well, well, _Tom_, 'tis no Time for us to be quarrelling aboutReports and Stories. But now you have done with whitening theSepulchres of _Ireland_, give me leave to shew you honestly, andwithout Flattery, the Dirt and Stench, the Corruption and Rottennessthat lurks within. Now, _Audi alteram Partam. _

I will shew You----

PRIOR. Hear me out first, for I am so far from having done, that I havenot yet even touch'd on all the Advantages that our Country hasreceived, from the _Dublin_ Society's Premiums; which was one of mychief Reasons, for having consider'd _Ireland_ as upon the Recovery, when I went under-ground like a Tortoise, to be raised again when theSummer comes, after a long Sleep. I need not be very particular on soknown and confest a Fact, as the extraordinary Improvements they havemade amongst us, in a vast Variety of Articles. We are told _Solomon_'sWritings were so extensive, that he wrote from the Cedar of _Lebanon_, to the Hyssop that groweth from the Wall; and really their Labours havetaken in every Material, every Manufacture, and every Improvement ofeither of them, that had any claim to their Attention or Encouragement. We may say of their Funds, as _Laertes_ does in _Hamlet_, 'as for myMeans, I'll husband them so well, they shall go far with little;' andit is certain there never was so much done, with so poor an Income, toremedy all our natural Indisposition, to Labour, and Thought, andIndustry; to rouse up Thousands who were asleep, and set Numbers oncontriving and working, who were dreaming and idling before; and tostop our People from runing abroad, by Wages and Business, and an hopeof living to purpose at Home. They gave Premiums, to heighten theManufacture and Dying of our Woollen Cloths; of our Silks, and ourVelvets; of our Blankets; of our Worsteds; of our Cottons; of ourCoffoys; Buffs, Lutherines and, Fustians; of our Stockings, and ourCarpets, with surprising Success: In our Husbandry they did Wondersalso; as to Wheat and Barley; as to Liming, Marling, and Sanding ofLand; as to planting of Hops, draining of Bogs; as to raisingLiquorish, Saffron and Madder; and as to sowing of Turneps, Clover, St. Foil, Trefoil, and all Kinds of Grass Seeds. They improv'd by a welljudged Emulation and proper Rewards, Numbers of our Husbandry Utensils:They set the Nation at Work, in Planting amazing Quantities of TimberTrees, Willows and Osiers for Hop Poles; in raising great Numbers ofOrchards, and improving our making of Cyder, home made Wines, andMetheglins; as also in Brewing our Ale and Beer, and giving us Vinegarfrom our own Fruits, equal to the best in _France_. They raised theManufactures of our finest Hats, to a surprising Degree; and they didthe same by our Window Glass, and made so great a Progress in our PaperBusiness, and building of Mills for carrying it on, as if they had gotthe Mines of _Peru_, or the Industry of _China_, to assist them intheir Undertakings. 

SWIFT. Well, dear _Tom_, I suppose you have done now. I have finish'd aSermon, on a better Subject twice as soon, and yet tir'd my People, Godhelp them, before I had half done. 

PRIOR. I see you don't relish the Transports of my Zeal on thisSubject, which gives me such high Delight; so I shall mention butcursorily many Articles that remain, and shall pass by a Crowd inSilence, that well deserv'd my dwelling on them: What I shall begin theremaining part of my Catalogue with, is their exerting themselves withsuch Assiduity and Success; in Teaching young Lads to Draw and Designskilfully; in setting up Competitions for the best Delf, Roan andCrockery Ware, for Erecting the best Glass Bottle-Houses, for raisingof Mulberry Trees, for making of Salt, for working the best Bone-Lace, and the best Imitation of it by the Needle: For the Encouragement ofthe best Needle-Works in Silk and Worsted; for the Advancement of thoselovely Arts Painting, Architecture and Sculpture; for encouragingTapestry, and enlarging our Fisheries: For improving the Tanning andCurrying of our Leather, for the Discovery of Mines and raising ofOres, and for those who should annually Produce the best Invention inuseful Arts and Husbandry. In a Word, by turning themselves every way, and applying their little Fund in different Years, to different Usesand Subjects, they seem'd not only to Influence, but even to animatethe Whole of our Country; to fire our Hearts, to enlighten our Minds, and stir and strengthen our Hands; and by giving a new Turn to ourThoughts and Motions, to prepare us for yet greater Scenes of Industry, when larger Helps cou'd be got to excite us to it. They have shewn usthe vast Effects of a well directed Emulation, and what a few hundredannual Pounds, have already done, and can produce hereafter, by thehonest Oeconomy and prudential Directions, of a zealous and judiciousBody of Citizens, who Study the Good of their Country. They have alsoshewn us another undisputed Truth, _viz. _ That if their Fund wasenlarg'd, the Good they wou'd do wou'd be proportionably encreased withit, and that little Wonders might be wrought in _Ireland_, byenlivening the Arts, by Feeding the Hungry, by giving Feet and Hands tothe Lame and Lazy, Eyes to the Blind or dim-sighted, and raising theDead and the Drousy, to Life and Activity. 

SWIFT. Go on, dear _Tom_, go on, with your Raptures and EnthusiasticalReveries; but pray allow me to ask you one plain Question, what (if allyou affirm be true) cou'd possibly hinder, this necessary, and indeedthis important Enlargement of their Fund. 

PRIOR. Why really, Mr. _Dean_, I cannot answer your Enquiry, withoutthrowing one of the heaviest Imputations on a Nation, which I wou'dhave Died to serve effectually, and which I spent my Life in labouringto serve, in too narrow and stinted a Manner. It must be confest, toofew of our Nobility or Gentry, shew'd that Generosity of Soul toencrease the annual Income of the Society, by their Contributions, asmight have been expected, from the Numbers of worthy Men among us, whodo us real Honour. It is certain his Majesty set the Nation a nobleExample, by Assigning them a Charter, and allowing them an handsomeannual Revenue out of his Treasury; and what shou'd hinder Crowds ofour worthiest Noblemen and Gentlemen, of large Fortunes and Mindsproportioned to them, to Subscribe Ten or Twenty Pounds a Year, to sonoble and so successful a Scheme, is hard and perhaps painful to say: Iam the more amaz'd at it, as they cou'd not but say, it wou'd haveraised _Ireland_ from Idleness to Industry, from Ignorance toKnowledge; from Contempt and Disregard, to Honour and Credit; and wou'dnot have left us in fifty Years, an Idler or a Beggar, (which are butsynonimous Terms) in the whole Kingdom. A Dish or two sav'd from theirTables, or a Bottle or two from their Revellings, an Horse or two leftout of their Stables, nay even a lac'd Coat, or a lac'd Livery sunk: aNight of Gaming, a trifling Frolick, a Jaunt of Pleasure deducted fromtheir usual Expences; or what is still better, a Winter or two spent indoing Good on their own Estates, wou'd more than answer all: It iscertain, that it is absolutely incumbent on every Gentleman, I will notsay that loves _Ireland_, but that loves himself and his Family, to dohis best to assist so happy a Scheme, so distinguish'd a Society, withhis Purse, his Head and his Hands, if he knows how to use any of them. Nay, they shou'd extend the same Methods, and the same Premiums, totheir several Provinces, Counties and Cities, for the particular Artsand Manufactures, that are likeliest to thrive there: And if theydiffused them to their own Estates, Manors and Tenants, it wou'd inTime with Patience and Management, produce vast Effects, and a strangeRevolution in our Circumstances, Customs and Manners. These areThoughts worthy of Men, of Christians, of Free-born _Britons_, andrational Creatures! worthy to be planted and nursed in every honestBreast, and to be spread as universally, as the Air we breathe, and theBounds of Nature and the World. He that has them, and feeds andcultivates them in his Soul, and brings them into common Life andAction in his Country, has a better Claim to the Love of his Maker, orFellow-Citizens, than if he had founded Empires, or discover'd newWorlds. 

SWIFT. Very well, _Tom_--but pray will Mankind agree to these fineDoctrines, or will they not rather despise or ridicule them, as alittle on the Romantick. 

PRIOR. If the Lazy, the Vicious, and the Selfish laugh at such Notions, and look on such Plans of Things, as Dreams and Visions; the Active, the Virtuous, and the Disinterested, know their real Worth, and wishand labour, to have them spread as widely and as forcibly among Men, asVices corrupt; and Plagues destroy. I and some others did our best, topropagate such ways of thinking and acting here; but I fear we might toas much Purpose, have admonish'd the modern _Italians_, to imitate theCourage, Zeal and publick Spirit of the antient _Romans_, for I did notfind, that we made many Converts to our Opinions. However, Charitymakes me think, that what chiefly hinders our Gentlemen from actingright, and making such Thoughts the great Rules of their Conduct; isthe dread of being Singular, and the unmanly fear of envious Tempers. They apprehend being traduced or sneer'd at, by the common Herd ofMankind for their insolent Zeal, and their daring to set up to serveothers, and improve their Countrymen, and therefore they decline it. Itis odd how any good, not to say any great Mind, can be overaw'd by somean a Modesty, by so poor a Terror, as the Censure or Malice of thosehe labours to serve, and yet Hundreds (I speak from long Experience)are influenced by it. What makes me wonder the more at such Conduct, is, that I am persuaded Malice here below, is not only design'd by thegreat Author of Good, as a Trial of our Virtue, to see if it is realand constant to the Touch, as the Goldsmith does his Metal by passingit thro' the Fire, but I cou'd even think Malice, is also a sort ofReward to Virtue. 

SWIFT. Bless us all, _Tom!_ Malice a Reward to Virtue! that issomething new indeed, _Tom_. 

PRIOR. It may be absurd also, but I am sometimes inclined to think itso, because it generally encreases and exalts our Worth, and also as itfrequently serves to make it appear with the greater Dignity and Glory, when the Malice of Envyers is vanquish'd or silenced. Besides we oftensee it a direct Spur to noble Actions, and find it stimulates ourArdour to new advances; and when our Souls are firm enough, to smile atand even wish well to our Detractors, it swells the Heart with a noblerJoy, and an higher Delight, than even Virtue in any other Situation cangive. But however that may be, I am sure it is the chief Reward ofVirtue in this World, and this Age. But to dismiss that Point, I mustobserve that it has often amaz'd me, to see how few Gentlemen I cou'dpersuade to exert themselves, by proper Donations or Subscriptions, toassist a Society that is so eminently useful to their Country. 

SWIFT. I think you have accounted for it pretty well already, I willonly add this plain Truth, that Men love their Money better than theirHealth, or their dear Bodies, to say nothing of their Souls. For thisReason it is, that they don't Care for giving it to Schemes of Notions, and airy Views of Industry, and Improving of Nations; but they keep itfor solid Substantial Things, their Racing and Gaming, their Hawks andtheir Hounds, their Cloaths and their Coaches, their Houses and theirEquipages, their Kitchens and Cellars, their Amours and Amusements. They are so far from giving their Money to such Projects and Views, that they will not even give their Thoughts or their Time to them, lestthey shou'd be mislead, into the Plague of reading, and thinking, andreasoning; of contriving the best Methods, of punishing the Idle, reclaiming the Vicious, or employing the Poor. Such troublesomeMethods, may prove the overthrow of Electioneering and Borough-buying, and their embosom'd Thirst for the poorest Power, the meanest Places, and the basest Gain; and in a Word it wou'd be the Destruction, of allthose dirty Jobbs, that enrich private Rogues and beggar Nations. How, dear _Tom_, cou'd you expect such dissipated Minds, such a listlesspleasurable Gentry, wou'd ever contribute a Thought, or a Shilling toimprove _Ireland_, who won't improve one Thousand Acres, to help theirChildren and feed their Families? Who will not even take the Trouble, or be at the Expence, to lay out Nurseries for adorning their Estates, or plant out Groves and Woods, to make their Residence pleasant tothem; nay, who will not even Build good Mansion Houses, or comfortableOffices for themselves or their Posterity? Wou'd such unthinkingunactive Mortals, subscribe to Societies, or lighten their Purses toestablish Premiums, who tho' they cou'd make themselves and theirFortunes easy, by a little Management, tho' they cou'd starve theirDiseases by Temperance, and be an Honour to their Country, by a littleVirtue and Dignity of Behaviour, will not think them worth theirAttention. One shou'd never expect, mighty Efforts of Goodness orGreatness of Mind, from any Men, or even dream of moderate ones from_Irishmen_; or at least whoever does, shou'd remember what the_Italian_ says, 'He who lives on Hope dies of Hunger. ' As there are fewamong us, _Tom_, who have exalted Minds, enlarg'd Understandings, oruncorrupted Hearts, join'd with a noble Contempt, for whatever canhappen to us here, it is pretty evident, why their Subscriptions wereso few and so mean; for without these transcendent Qualities, 'tis hardto conceive how Men can truly love their Country, and be real sincerePatriots. Numbers have Generosity enough, to relieve a distrest Family, to join for a Ridotto, to set up a Musick Meeting, or an Assembly, orSubscribe for a Week's Races; but they wou'd as soon contribute to theBuilding of Churches, or endowing Colleges for the Advancement ofLearning, as to promote the Trade, the Tillage, the Manufactures, theWelfare of _Ireland_, by taxing their Pocket, or substracting fromtheir Pleasures. There is however one Excuse, which I must plead forthem, notwithstanding all I have said, and that is the too generalDespair, of doing any Service to their Country; by such Subscriptions, the Remedy is so disproportioned to the Disease. 'Tis, they think, likeSir _Joseph Jekills_, leaving 30, 000 _l. _ by his Will, to help to payoff the National Debt, of eighty Millions. 

PRIOR. That was a poor Excuse indeed; for a considerable Number ofgenerous Subscriptions, wou'd greatly relieve the Wants and Distressesof _Ireland_. 

SWIFT. No more than a few Showers of Rain, wou'd quench theConflagration, if the _Pyrenees_ with all their Forests were on Fire, as we Read they once were. All the _Dublin_ Society did, was to shewwhat we wanted, and to set an Example, of what might be done, to helpour dreadful Ailments: But you might as well expect to work Miracles, and to feed Thousands, like our Saviour, with a few Loaves, as toretrieve a Nation, by throwing a few Widow's Mites into the Treasury. It is true, Nations, with their many Hands, make light Work; but wherecan the Power be found, to animate and employ Millions, but in theOmnipotence of him who made them, or the force and weight of Monarchs, (the Representatives of Heaven) who Rule and Govern them. All you andyour Society cou'd do, was to shew you understood the miserableCondition of _Ireland_, and to manifest your sincere desire to assistwith some Care and Judgment in the Cure; but you cou'd as well removeMountains by your Faith, as the Ills we groaned under, by so adequate aRemedy, as your impoverish'd stinted Fund. 

PRIOR. Why you will make me lose all Patience, Mr. _Dean_! Do you thinkbecause I have laid aside Flesh and Blood, that I can bear any Thing?Did not I lay before you, a long delightful Account, of almost infiniteServices which the Society did _Ireland_, in improving oldManufactures, or introducing new Ones; in advancing our Husbandry, inencouraging every Art and every Branch of Industry? As I am now a trulyrational thinking Creature, I wou'd not willingly lose my Temper, but Isolemnly declare, that the Rules the Society prescrib'd, and theLabours they set on Foot, the Fields which they sow'd or they planted, the Houses they got Built, the Rivers they bank'd in, the Bogs whichthey drain'd, the Marshes they laid dry, and the Lands they gain'd fromthe Ocean, have alter'd the very Nature and Face of the Country, andchang'd even the Air and the Climate for the better!

SWIFT. Stuff, Nonsense, Madness! One wou'd think you were alive still, _Tom_, by your furious flourishing on Nothing, or Trifles next tonothing. The Nature and Face of the Country alter'd, and even the Airand the Climate chang'd for the better! Have you a Mind to talk myReason away, or make a Jest of my zeal for Truth? This is the old wayof prating and vaunting in _Ireland_, that used to make me, and everyFriend to it sick of such unmeaning Declamations. We are such Fools asever to be bragging of our Soil and our Linens, our Wealth and ourPlenty, our Weather and our Climate, as if we strove to bring over agreater Crowd of _English_ Refugees hither. 

PRIOR. Refugees! dear _Dean_, how can you indulge such an Acrimony ofSpeech? That is not only an invidious, but a sarcastical and barbarousExpression. 

SWIFT. Not a whit. I speak only of such as come over to us, for theirLove to Religion, for the hope of Liberty of Conscience, whatever theybelieve, or Preferments in the Church, whatever they Practice, or toavoid Persecution from Men arm'd with Power and the Laws, theRapaciousness of Creditors, and the Insolence of Sheriffs and Bailiffs, and to live at peace here, with quiet Minds and easy Circumstances. This is a true Notion of a Refugee, and I think such People come overfast enough without such ostentatious Proclamations to give them newEncouragements: My Conduct always took a different Turn, and if I hadliv'd a little longer, I had wrote a Treatise to prove _Ireland_, themost inhospitable and barbarous of all habitable Islands, and the veryPiss-pot of the Western World. I even made it a Rule to rail at it allI could, to frighten such People from coming hither, lest hearing therewas Corn in the Land, shou'd invite them over to eat it up, while wewere kept Starving. You pretend to take Offence at my Expressions, butI see plainly, what vext you was, because forsooth I reflected withsome Spleen, on your little huckstering Society, with its two-pennyRewards and three-penny Premiums, for going any silly Errands you sentPeople on; and so in mere Contradiction you make them reform our Heavenand our Earth, and mend our very Climate and the Face of Nature. For mypart as to the Face of Nature and the Country, I know no greatAlterations, but the shaving her Beard close, and cutting down all herWoods, so that we now pay 40, 000 _l. _ per Annum for imported Timber. When I was an Inhabitant of this lower World, I remember I lov'd theCountry well enough in the Summer Season; but I cou'd not bear to spendmuch Time in it, as I never cou'd Walk or ride in a single Field; thatdid not put me in a Passion, either to see it as wild as ever Natureleft it after the Mud of the Deluge; or at least not so much improv'das it might be, if the Owner had common Sense or common Industry. Whatever enrag'd me most was, that tho' such Fellows I knew by Experience, wou'd venture their Limbs or their Necks for a Guinea, yet they had notthe Skill to make Five Pounds more of their Ground than they got by it, tho' a little Labour and Art wou'd have done the Thing. When I look'don my Airings on the wild Wastes of rich Lands unbuilt and untill'd, Isigh'd for the want of Houses and Tenements, of Welders and Plows; andwhen after ten Miles riding, I found some lame Attempts after suchThings, I was still more vex'd to see our Cabbins, and what we call'dour Corn Grounds, no more resembling the Buildings and Tillage of_England_, than an Ape does a Man. I really don't expect that _Ireland_will ever be properly improv'd, till the _Millennium_ makes the wholeEarth a Paradise; and then after a long Struggle between Heaven andNature, we may chance to come in for a share; tho' at present Heaven isso little minded here, as to Churches or Chapels, or national Piety, that I don't wonder to see the Land running into a Desart every Hour, fill'd with Beasts and a few Savages. 

PRIOR. I see, _Dean_, you have not forgot your old way of thinking andspeaking. It is well there is no Pen and Ink, or Printing allow'd underGround; or else we shou'd have old work below Stairs----

 _Sub Terris tonnuisse putes----_

As the witty Classick expresses it. 

SWIFT. If there was, I wou'd raise a little Earthquake yet in thisKingdom. But I have not forgot, _Tom_, nor I cannot yet forgive yourstrange Rant of improving the very Climate in _Ireland_. If it was, Iwou'd not curse it, as _Harry_ the Eighth's Fool did the fine Weather, for taking all the good Company abroad from him, but I shou'd rail atit and you for another Cause; for fear of bringing us better Companythan I desire in _Ireland_. I must confess honestly, that our Winterbegins very late, and hardly appears till about the End of _December_, and is gone before the beginning of _February_. But then it must beown'd, that we have but very little Spring, unless it be of Grass andWeeds; and that our Autumn lasts but very few Weeks, without anyHarvest to gather in, but a little pittance of Corn and some half madeHay; and as for our Summers (as we call them) they come as it were byChance, now and then one, when _Spain_ and _Italy_ have done with them. Nay, even then, we only get them, as Servants do their surfeitedMasters broken Meals; half hot, half cold, in little Scraps and Morselsthat do us no Good. In short, _Tom_, a Summer in _Ireland_ when itwanders thither, is of as little Service as fair Weather in_Greenland_, where nothing is the better for it, but vast Swamps andSavannahs and a wild waste of Plains and Mountains, a few rationalBrutes that dwell in Caves and Holes of the Rocks, and a parcel ofHares and Deers, which they live tollerably on, while they have Lightenough to hunt them. And to talk of mending our Climate, where nothingbut a general Conflagration can dry the Land, or purge the Dampness ofour unelastick Air, is as absurd as the Philosophers Sun-dial in theGrave. Ah, _Tom_, I was always a very Atmospherical Creature; and oftenhave the Rains of _Ireland_ sunk my Spirits, and made me envy thosehappy Climates, where the Natives toast in the Sunshine, till theyalmost grow tir'd of it, and rejoice for Rain and bad Weather, like somany Hackney Coachmen. 

But as I hope you have done with all your mighty Reasons, for thinking_Ireland_ on the mending hand, I expect you will indulge me now, whileI give you mine, why I think her in a very dangerous decliningSituation. 

PRIOR. With all my Heart, provided you will allow me the Priviledge ofa free Conference, and bear with my opposing, whatever I think is wrongin your Assertions, and let me canvass your Opinions where I wantInformation or Proofs. I came to call on you, in order to Talk over allthat I thought dangerous or distressful, in our present Circumstancesand our future Prospects; and to consider what hope we can strike outof Relief or Comfort, for this neglected People and Country; and Ipromise before hand, I shall not contradict you in any Thing, where youdo not force me to it, by an over-bearing Zeal, or a querulous Temper. 

SWIFT. A fair Preliminary, to which I readily Subscribe. Now the firstReason, _Tom_, why I have uneasy fears for our Country, and for myhaving little Expectation of mending her Circumstances is, the utterabsence of all Industry and Frugality among us. There is no otherRemedy for a thoughtless Nation, which gets little or nothing fromothers, but saving all it can; and being frugal in proportion to itsIndolence and Poverty. This is a self-evident Truth, and yet ourNobility and Gentry spend in Vanity and Luxury, treble as much as Menof twice their Fortune in _England_, tho' they do not half the Goodamong their Tenants, and neither spend half the Time or Money withthem, or take half the pains to improve them, while they every Yearencrease their Rents, and our Beggars: 'Tis dismal to make the poorTenant give the full Tale of Brick, tho' we give them no Straw, andthat we starve them, by sending our Money abroad for foreignCommodities, to feed our Extravagance, and gratify our Madness forimporting Fopperies; tho' we hurt our Families for the present, andruin our Poor for ever, who dare not set up Manufactures they know willnot be worn. Surely in a Kingdom where no body looks to his ownAffairs, as they are connected with the Publick, 'tis Time the Publickshou'd look to every Bodies. What a melancholy Prospect is it, to seefine Cloaths, fine Equipages, fine Race Horses, fine Laces, fineDishes, deep Play and deep Drinking, the Glory and delight of ourPeople of Fashion; and Ease, and Sloth, and Sleep, and Potatoes, thechief Joy of our Lifeless neglected Natives. Is not such a Nation likea Ship set on Fire on one end, and sinking by a thousand Shot-holes andLeaks, at the other? If we were a little frugal, we might the betterbear the Loss we undergo by our Idleness and Inactivity; but when ourGentlemen sacrifice so much to their Pleasures, and our Ladies to theirFinery, both which they wisely seek for from foreign Productions, wemust be undone unless we prevent our Destruction, by resolving to Workand be busy. There is no Alternative----, one of these two Things wemust do; we must either be less Mad for the Manufactures and Productsof other Nations, or we must enlarge our Industry, and make Reprisalsthereby on our Neighbours, in order to keep our People alive and easywhile they are Living. Possibly I may have said this before, _Tom_, andprobably I shall say it again, for a full Heart and a troubled Mind, isapt to deal in Repetitions, when they grow almost desperate, and seelittle hope of a Change for the better. 

PRIOR. Dear _Dean_, I own I shou'd be glad to contradict you, as tothese dismal Representations of Things; but I have learn'd since I lefta false World, to love Truth, tho' it be ever so strong against us, orputs us and our Actions in ever so bad a Light. It is too certainIndustry and Frugality are the two great Sources of Prosperity in allNations; and it is a mortifying Reflection to consider what a miserableShare we have in either of them here. 'Tis as certain if we be Frugaland Industrious, we must be easy and happy, as that we must be wretchedand miserable, if we continue our Love to Expence and our hatred toLabour. Nay Frugality and Wealth, which is the Consequence of it, willnot do, unless we are diligent Workers too; for _Spain_ is a Proof, andso is _Portugal_, that even Hoards of Money will not enrich a Nation, unless their Gold is used to promote Industry among the meaner Sort, and to raise their Thoughts above Sleep, and Rags, and Dirt, andInactivity. 

SWIFT. Very true, _Tom_, and indeed one wou'd hope unless Heaven hasirrecoverably doom'd us to Destruction, there are sufficient Remains ofcommon Sense and Honesty left among our Countrymen, to new form ourManners in these Regards, and improve their ways of Thinking andActing. In such Case, they may in two or three Centuries learn tobelieve, Frugality and Industry, Arts and Manufactures worthencouraging, and their Luxury and Debauchery, and an utter Absence ofall Regard to the Publick, worth Reforming. It is a shocking Truth tosay all this wou'd be done, if Men wou'd but own themselves oblig'd, and wou'd therefore resolve to behave, like reasonable Creatures: Andyet this is a Point as hard to bring about, as if we were arguing with_Hottentots_, and persuading _Tartars_ to forbear publick Plunders, andto have some regard to Right and Wrong, and the real Happiness andMisery of themselves and their Posterity. 

PRIOR. I agree with you entirely, Mr. _Dean_, and indeed if we cou'dcure our national Ailments by Writing and Speaking, as People whoprofess removing Disorders, by Words and Charms, what you and I andsome others have Publish'd, might have done the Work: But alas!pressing Industry and Frugality on many of our People, who have beentrain'd up to Sloth and Squandering, is but of equal Efficacy withpreaching up Temperance to Sots, or Cleanliness to Negroes, when theirHabits and Vices are all against you. The Church of _Rome_ has plac'd_Purgatory_ in the North-West of _Ireland_, which was then one of theremotest wildest Parts of the Earth; and tho' I have reason to believe, they now Wish, they had removed it something more out of View, yet I amsure there is no Part of the Globe, so fit a _Purgatory_ for Sloth as_Ireland_, or where People so generally pay St. _Paul_'s Penalty fornot Working, by not Eating. 

SWIFT. If due Care was taken, this natural Supineness of our lowerPeople, might be soon turn'd into Activity and Vivacity, by lettingthem see and feel the Sweets of Labour, and convincing them by Fact andExperience, that when once the Poor are made industrious, they turn allthey Touch to Gold, like _Midas_'s Fingers of famous Memory. As to oursleepy Countrymen, I cannot but say that it is a Pity, where Men arecommanded to give one Day of the Week, to doing nothing but Acts ofPiety, they don't regard the other Part of the Law, and labour theother Six. This at least shou'd be the Magistrate's, and the humanLegislator's Business; but really there is no Law made, nor Care takenabout it, but every Body overlooks this plain neglected Truth, that Menought to be as accountable to the Magistrate, for their Time as theirActions, and as punishable for wasting it. But our _Irish_ seemactually to have mistaken the divine Commandment, and it is well theirPriests did not leave it out of the Decalogue, as they did the Second. They manage, as if they thought God had bid them be idle six Days ofthe Week, and Work but one, and very moderately on that one. I haveoften met in Authors, and think the Assertion true, that the veryGenius of the Popish Religion indisposes Men to Labour; as we see bytheir numerous Holidays, Feasts and Fasts: All which are direct Enemiesto Toil and Handy-craft, and make the returns to Work disagreeable. Itis undoubted that the Protestants out Trade and out Work the Papists;they have (as all observe) fewer Beggars, they have fewer Drains fromtheir Industry, by those who sleep away their Lives in Colleges andNunneries; they maintain a much smaller Number of secular Priests, andeven to those, they do not prohibit Marriage, and to say no more atpresent, those lazy Drones the Friars of so many different Orders, areCankers and Consumptions quite unknown to their Constitution. In mostProtestant Countries, more than ordinary Attention, for good politicalReasons, has been given to this great Point. In _Holland_ all areemploy'd, even the lettred World deal in Traffick and are Merchants;nay the Deaf, the Lame, the Blind, the Dumb, and the very Dead Work. 

PRIOR. The Dead Work! That is a Flight extraordinary sure, Mr. _Dean_, and I must call on you to retract that Mistake. 

SWIFT. Not at all; for tho' that Truth is a little incomprehensible in_Ireland_, where we have no such Incitements, in _Holland_ the Statuesand Monuments of their useful and industrious Citizens, and theEpitaphs and Praises on them, prompt and inflame the living to emulatethem, and push on their Virtue to excell, in every Art, and open everyRoad to Profit and to Glory. When I was throwing away (like otherPeople) my Thoughts and my Time above Ground, I used often to think onthese Matters; and I fear to as little Purpose as we talk of them now. However I must say, _Tom_, that tho' if our rich People would think andgrow Managers, and our Poor wou'd Work, and keep their Hands and theirChildren busy, nine tenths of our Evils wou'd be remov'd, yet I amconvinc'd, neither of these important Points will be minded, till weare forc'd to get better Notions of Things, by seeing the Nation ruin'dby the want of them, as often as a Boy at School is whipt for playingthe Truant, before he will mend. 

PRIOR. Ruin is as terrible a Remedy, as a deadly Sickness is aReformer; and I had rather hope that sumptuary Laws against Dress, Racing, Gaming, _&c. _ if we were Wise enough to make them, andamendable enough to mind them when made, wou'd do our Business muchbetter. 'Tis a Misfortune for _Ireland_, that our Spendthrifts so oftenrun out their Lives and their Estates together, and so their Examplesare lost on us; for I ever thought it a Pity, they shou'd not liveforty or fifty Years in beggary, their own Lives are such a Torment tothem, and they become thereby such fine Scare-crows, to our youngunthinking Squanderers, when they see them all the while, standing asit were in a kind of Pillory. Nothing keeps the _Dutch_ so frugal astheir Loads of high Taxes, for some good Author, (and I think 'tis yourold Friend Sir _William Temple_) tells us, one cannot have a Dish ofwell dressed Fish at a Tavern in _Holland_, without paying near thirtyGabels for it. We want some Remedy for our Extravagancies of all Kindsgreatly, but this is so shocking a one, that one wou'd hope the veryfear of it might cure us, as some Men have renounc'd theirIntemperance, by their dread of the Gout and the Doctor. Without somesuch helps, our fine Gentlemen seem not inclined to learn or consider, that we shou'd save immense Sums to our Country, if we eat Corn of ourown sowing, drunk home-made Wines of our own Brewing, fed on Fish ofour own catching, burn'd Coals of our own raising, and wore no Cloathsthat were not of our own manufacturing. If they were once convinced ofthis, good Effects wou'd follow, and we shou'd soon acknowledge that itis barely owing to our own Extravagance, Thoughtlesness, Sleepiness, Drunkenness and Vanity, that we don't, with one Voice, condemn andrenounce such evident Errors, in our national Conduct, and fix on theirRemedies. 

SWIFT. This _Tom_, is merely dreaming of a publick Cure for anepidemical Distemper, as _Curtius_ says _Ptolomy_ did; but we shou'dnot only get our Gentlemen, to think for the Nation and themselves; forwe want severe Laws to cure the Laziness and Indolence of our lowerPeople. As Idleness is the great Source of Theft, picking and filching, the natural Punishment of at least all smaller Criminals, seems to behard Labour for Life, or Years. We see in _France_ and _Spain_ they mantheir Gallies this way, and in _Sweden_ and _Denmark_ they employ themin their publick Works, and chiefly about their Shipping and theirDocks. No Punishment cou'd be more terrifying to an _Irishman_, who wegenerally think is averse to Labour; none cou'd be more useful to ourdistressed Land, where we lose more People by doing Nothing, than aredestroy'd by the Wars and Conquests, the Voyages and Traffick of otherKingdoms. On this Account we shou'd take Care, that Idlers, Beggars andvagabond Strollers, shou'd be treated with the Sharpest Rigour, as theydo not only deny to assist their Country by their honest Endeavours, but live like Drones on the Spoil of the Industrious. It shou'd be aMaxim in every well governed State, but especially in _Ireland_, thatIdleness shou'd be as severely punish'd as petty Larceny; and to begwith an Ability to Work, shou'd be regarded and treated as a Kind oftraining up Youth for Stealing, (when they have learn'd the proper Cantand Tricks of their Apprenticeship) and consequently to relieve aVagabond, shou'd be as faulty and as corrigible as receiving stolenGoods. The proper Place for the Relief of sturdy Beggars, is a goodCounty Work-house, where the Labours of such Vagabonds (and indeed ofall Criminals till they are Tried and Discharg'd) shou'd go to theMaintainance of such Poor, who are utterly incapable of Work, and whoseParishes can't support them. 

PRIOR. I am quite in your way of Thinking on this Subject, Mr. _Dean_, I remember Doctor _Basire_ in his Life of Bishop _Cosin_, tells us thatin several Years Travels in _Turky_ and _Holland_, he never once met aMan who ask'd him an Alms; so that here we see the Wisdom of the Statemay have the same Effect with the Laws of God among the _Jews_, whichprohibited any Beggar to be a Burthen, or a Disgrace to their Tribes. Charity to Vagabonds is Cruelty to the State, which is interested asthe Civil Law, and our own Statutes speak, that every Member of theCommunity, should use his Labour and his Substance, to the bestAdvantage. Every Stroller or Vagabond is a Loss to the Kingdom, and islittle better than a licenc'd Plunderer of our People, and every suchPerson, is really a living Instance of Neglect or Ignorance in those, who shou'd give us by Law a proper Power and Place, to force him toearn his Bread by his Hands. Whoever has Health and wants Food, shou'dbe oblig'd to Work one way or other, for if Idleness was alwayspunish'd by our Statutes with severe Labour, as surely as Felony is byDeath, it would then like Thieving be confin'd to the Night, and weshou'd be at least good Day Labourers. The Strength of the politicalBody, depends as much on its Members being properly exercised, as thatof the natural, and on the Neglect of it, infinite Disorders follow. But alas, _Dean_, this is not enough attended to in _Ireland_, or weshou'd have Work-Houses in every County, but we have the peculiarMisfortune of having this dreadful Mixture in our Circumstances; thatwe have all the Vices, Extravagancies, and Luxury of a rich Nation, with all the Wants, the Distresses and Despair of a poor one. If onceour Gentry and Nobility wou'd set us fair Examples of Frugality andActivity, we shou'd soon reform, but alas! great Estates, as we usethem, seem design'd for little else but the Triflers of the World, andthe wretched Fashions, Fopperies and Fooleries, they are generallythrown away on. However it is certain, Providence appointed them fornobler Purposes, and it were to be wish'd the present Stewards of them(for they are evidently nothing more) wou'd seriously consider this, that they may be able to give the Bestower a better Account of them. 

SWIFT. I was saying so every Day, for the last fifty Years of mySlavery among Men, and all to no Purpose! But there is another Matterthat makes me fear for the Welfare of _Ireland_, and that is the wantof proper Manufactures being set up there. I see _Tom_, you are readyto bawl out to me, the _Irish_ Cambricks, the _Irish_ Linens, but alas!even as to them I am sorry to say, they wou'd do _Great Britain_ and_Ireland_ twice the Service, if they were doubly encouraged, and notleft to creep to those Provinces, where they might go with a briskerProgress, if the Funds of the Trustees were enlarg'd, or their Premiumsmore happily applied. But I leave that, _Tom_, to Time and theLegislature, for the Manufactures which I lament the want of, are thosewhich enrich _France_, _Germany_ and _Holland_; such as those of Brass, Tin, Copper, Lead and Iron Work, in all their amazing Species; those ofGlass, Tapestry, Hats, Silk, Leather, Paper, Pins, Needles, Lace, Earthen-Ware, and Numbers of others, of which our own Island canlargely supply the Materials, if we wou'd make use of them. Whether itproceeds from our Ignorance or our Poverty, our before mentionedLaziness, or want of Capacity I cannot say; but Arts and Manufacturesseem to be discourag'd so remarkably, in this unthinking and unthoughtof Island, as if we wou'd fain obtain the Name, of _Omnium bonarumArtium noverca_, formerly as I remember given to _Scythia_. Even thosefew Attempts we make to deserve well in some of them, are brow-beatenor neglected by our People of Fashion. This is a Complaint I must oftenmake, and can never be too often repeated in their Ears, as withouttheir Help no Workmen, how industrious soever, can thrive. 'Tismiserable that our polite People, will not be content to Ruin their ownFamilies by their extravagant Finery, but their Country too, and allwho dare endeavour to exert a little Industry in home Manufactures. Surely the Wearers of all Foreign Goods, and especially the Fair Sex, do not believe, or do not consider, that they deliberately starve theirown poor Countrymen and their Families, by making them Work in vain. They shou'd in Pity, in Generosity, in Justice reflect, that since weare not allowed to Export our Silk and Woollen Goods abroad, the leastthat every Friend to _Ireland_ can do, is to encourage them so far, asto wear them at Home, tho' they do not quite come up to those that areImported to us. Tho' we are terribly impoverish'd by this fondness forGoods which other Nations send us, it is still some Comfort, that thereis no Law to force us to it as yet, and that the whole of this dreadfulRuin, is grounded on our own Humours, which a little thinking, someCharity, and a general Poverty, may remove in Time. I know no reason, why a Thousand beautiful Faces I have seen in _Ireland_, shou'd desireto look lovelier than Nature, and the Produce of their native Kingdomcan make them: And for our Gentlemen (if they are Gentlemen) theyshou'd take a Pride in wearing nothing but what is wrought in _Irish_Looms, and make it a Case of Conscience, like Archbishop _King_, Bishop_Berkeley_, and Crowds of Patriots I cou'd Name, to be cloathed by ourown People. The _Dutch_ I am told, have lately issued a Placart, forbidding all their Subjects (excepting Day-Labourers who are too poorto trangress it) to wear any Silk or Woollen Goods not Fabricated intheir Provinces. The greatest Personages are restrain'd herein bysevere Penalties, and tho' we cannot make such a Law, (nor perhapsshou'd not desire it in Respect to one Country at least) yet certainlywe shou'd form general Resolutions, and try to Establish an universalCustom (which is equal to any Law) of Feeding and Encouraging our ownWorkmen and Tradesmen. 

PRIOR. Laws, Mr. _Dean_, are not so much wanting, as the Will to favourour own Goods, and our own People; and surely as you observe, all whoplease, may determine in their several Families, to use the Produce ofour _Irish_ Looms; and in the mean Time I cannot but make this sadReflection, that if Industry and Labour be the great Standard of Valuein most Things, what (under such Discouragements) can our unemploy'dCountry be worth, which except our Linens, sends abroad all theMaterials for Labour to others, and lies abed like a _Spaniard_, burning Day-Light, and proud of doing Nothing. 

SWIFT. I remember to have Read, when I used to lose Time upon Men andBooks, that among the _Turks_, every Man of them learns some Trade orother. This Fashion they probably borrow'd from the _Jews_, who made ita Maxim, that he who does not give his Son a Trade, teaches him to be aThief: And yet till our Protestants Taught the _Irish_ better Manners, a Trade was as seldom learn'd as a Psalter. It is true of late Yearsthis Folly has been pretty much subdued, and Numbers of our Nativeshave distinguish'd themselves, by their Skill in different Arts andHandicrafts, but till this Humour wears off, of slighting whatever iswrought at Home, it were better they had learn'd to Fast than to Work. We keep Crowds of our Artificers naked who well-deserve to be cloathed;many are as ill hutted as so many _Greenlanders_ or _Russian_ Peasants, who ought to be well housed, if any one thought them worth taking Careof and Encouraging. But what is still more unhappy, Thousands of themare forced for fear of Jails and Beggary, to run from us to wiserCountries, where they and their Arts are well receiv'd and favour'd byour Enemies or Rivals, whose Industry and Exports they Encrease, andthereby help to Starve the Friends they have forsaken. One wou'd expectcommon Charity to them and ourselves, and common Sense in conductingour general Interests, wou'd not only have remov'd this main Obstacleto the Prosperity of _Ireland_, but wou'd also put us on setting up allKinds of new Manufactures, which we still want; let it cost us ever somuch for setling them here, and Nursing them till they get Strength, toshift for themselves. It is certain the Publick can hardly pay too dearfor such improveable Purchases, for unquestionably where the Advantagesare so considerable, saving in such Cases is meanness and madness. 

PRIOR. You are ever Tolling the passing Bell of _Ireland_, and yet myfears that there is too much Reason for all you advance, keep me fromopposing you; when you censure the Stupidity of our Management, inregard of every Measure that can hurt us or serve us. I spent half myLife in exclaiming in the same Manner, and I might as well have spoketo the Inhabitants of these Tombstones. There is one Particular, whichwith Grief I must add to all your Complaints, and it is a verydiscouraging one as to any Hopes of our Recovery, namely, that thisIsland is made up of two of the most unhappy Mixtures a Kingdom canconsist of, a Multitude of Gentlemen and Beggars. The first have notTime from their Pleasures, and their own petty Interests, to think ofserving us, and the others cannot either serve themselves or us, without Wages, Food or Raiment, which they cannot get, unless we allowthem to Purchase them by their Labours. In short, Mr. _Dean_, while ourLadies scorn to wear any Thing that is _Irish_, and our Gentlemen pridethemselves who shall Drink most _French_ Wine; they both Teach theirInferiors the same dreadful Folly, and make them join to enrich theirEnemies, Beggar their own Workmen, exalt _France_, and sink _Ireland_, and drive every Creature that has Genius or Industry out of it, toPlaces as we observed before, where they can hope to get theNecessaries of Life by their Industry. 

SWIFT. Your mentioning _French_ Wine, _Tom_, puts me in Mind of anotherterrible Remora, to the Prosperity of this unfortunate unthinkingCountry. I have often thought if _Ireland_ had never been allowed toimport Foreign Wines, and we had learn'd to Content ourselves, withdrinking our own Ale, Beer, Mead and Cyder, and used no otherSpirituous Liquors, we shou'd have been the richest, and the honestest, the healthiest, and the happiest Nation under Heaven. It is amelancholy Thought, that poor as we are, and wretched as theCircumstances of most of our Gentry are allowed to be, as to Debts andIncumbrances; yet we actually Drink more _French_ Wine, then all_England_ together, that is so much richer and abler. The Case is, fewPeople drink _French_ Wine in _England_, but those who have very largeEstates; Numbers who have a Thousand _per Annum_, seldom tasting it;but with us, every Creature, that has tolerable Cloaths upon his Back, and a Guinea in his Pocket, drinks little else, tho' he has scarce theConveniences of Life for his Family. There are such Multitudes thatcan't relish Life or their Food without it, that one wou'd wonder howthey can all be provided with it. This Difficulty indeed was soonremov'd; for I hear such Crowds now Trade in it, that it is to befear'd, if their Customers this Year do not make haste to take it offtheir Hands, it grows so foul, they must Drink it themselves, or theymust sell it at last for Vinegar. 

PRIOR. I have heard from some Ghosts, who died of the last Vintage, that (to the Infamy of the Year 1753, be it remembered) 8000 Ton ofWine was imported into this Kingdom from _France_; to the dreadfulDrain of our ready Cash, the encrease of the general Poverty of ourPeople, and the Misery of all who Labour and cannot Eat. Allow me toobserve here, Mr. _Dean_, that the _Chinese_ seem to know us well, whosend us not only their Teas, but also Cups to Drink it out of; and Ihave often wondered that the _French_, don't send us Bottles andGlasses with their Wines, as we have not Industry enough to make them;tho' the very Bottles for 8000 Ton are computed to cost us 67000 _l. _It is dreadful to look over such Scenes of Destruction, and much moreso to know they are remediless, while our People thus court _France_ toundo them, by sending for such vast Quantities of her Claret, at thesame Time I hear it is pleaded in behalf of the Importers, that theynever were guilty of such a Fault before. 

SWIFT. A pretty Defence truly, and yet as this was the Excuse of_Balaam_'s Ass to his Master, one wou'd think none but an Ass wou'dplead it, and I will venture to say, they had better Change it for asolemn Vow, never to be guilty of such a Folly again. However if theydid take such a Resolution, I wou'd not advise them to enter intoBonds, for the Performance of that Engagement; for I fear they wou'dforfeit them, tho' the Nation was to be Bankrupt by it, as in allprobability, if we continue to tun down such Quantities of thisdestructive Liquor, it must soon be. For my part, when I think of thisnational Madness, in drinking Oceans of _French_ Wine, I know not howto account for such prodigious Extravagance, in such ruinousCircumstances. We seem to live the faster, for being in a deep Decay, as Clocks have a quicker Motion, the nearer they are to being run down. 'Tis an hard Case, that evident right reason can't Influence a Nation, and that there is a Necessity for a Majority of right Reasoners, tomake thinking Creatures (as we are commonly called) act as theirInterest and Happiness demand. When once that fortunate Majority isgain'd, between wise Laws and good Customs, People take up generalMaxims and Manners, that direct their Conduct, and form both theirprivate and publick Behaviour, so as to conduce to the good of theWhole, and the well Being of each Individual. But alas! _Tom_, in_Ireland_, we neither think, or act for ourselves or the Publick, norseem to have any System of Rules, for managing our Estates or ourCountry; but we live in an extempore Method, and as Time serves, andAccidents happen, we Conduct ourselves. When we are famish'd we thinkof Bread, when frozen to Death, of Coals and Fire, and when we growuneasy with the Thoughts of all our Mismanagements, Madness andFollies, a large Dose of Wine (a Hair of the very same Dog) relievesall our Griefs over Night, and we rise as Wise and as Provident as everin the Morning. As to the Kingdom itself, we make such haste to get itundone, as if we fear'd it wou'd not be ruin'd Time enough; and yet wemay plead in Excuse, that particular Gentlemen manage no better forthemselves, or their Families. It is certain he is reckon'd no badManager, among his neighbouring 'Squires, who can cleverly stave offhis Creditors, and keep up his Port of living undisturb'd, till he cansell (I mean settle) his Son, and clear off his Incumbrances with theWife's Fortune. 

PRIOR. A very true, and as sad an Account of Things; and what inhancesour Misery is, that _France_ thrives by thus draining our vital Bloodfrom us, as the Physicians in old _Rome_, made their decay'd Patientssustain themselves, by sucking the streaming Veins of their poorSlaves. If we paid a moderate Price for our Liquor, it were something, but the _French_ raise their Demands, in proportion to our Calls forit; and our generous Importers, never endeavour to beat them down, asthey find they get the greater Gain, the dearer they buy it; and ourGentlemen take up the same prudent way of Thinking, and never believethemselves so generous, as when they drink Wines, that their poorerNeighbours cannot Purchase. The present Fulness of the Treasury, vastlybeyond all former Years, shews how far our Madness is risen; for thisFolly of drinking away both our Estates and our Reason, has seized likean epidemical Plague, on all Ranks of Men among us. Even those of thepoorer Sort, from a noble Emulation of copying their betters, drink asmuch Wine as they can; and where their Purses or their Credit will notreach so high, they must have foreign Liquors, tho' they be only Mum orCyder, Porter or Perry, and seem resolved to shew they are as littleafraid of a Jail, as greater Persons. 

SWIFT. In other Nations the Nobility and Gentry, think for theCommonalty, and govern their Manners by the Laws they make, and thebecoming Examples they set them. But in this poor ill-starr'd Island, they corrupt them by their false Splendour, by their foreign Luxury, bydespising Virtue, Religion and Temperance, and as fast as they candrinking themselves out of the World, and sinking their Fortunes, inboth which they are faithfully copied, by their Inferiors. I have oftenthought while I was among them, that if our Gentlemen were oblig'd byLaw, to give in Accounts to the Publick of their annual Expences, asChildren do to their Parents, in order to have them regulated; whatmiserable Oeconomists they wou'd appear to be, both for their own andtheir Country's Interests. The Article of Drinking is grown so immense, and at the same Time so general, that if some Fence is not provided forit soon, this Nation will be more in Danger from this Land-Flood, thanthe _Dutch_ are from being overwhelm'd by the Ocean. What imbittersthese Reflections the more is, that tho' all our Exports are the veryNecessaries of Life, which we send off to Feed and Cloath otherNations, yet all our Imports, are the meer Superfluities of Luxury andVanity, that keep our Natives naked and starv'd, and ruin the Healthsof those of the better Sort. I say ruin the Healths, for I believe, ifyou and I, _Tom_, were to draw up a List of all our Acquaintances, whohave died Martyrs to Wine and good Fellowship, it wou'd look like a_London_ Plague-Bill in 1666. _Pharaoh_ and his Army wou'd appear butas an Handful to those I cou'd reckon up, within these last fiftyYears, that have perish'd in this red Sea of Claret; and what Crowdsare there, now creeping by this way alone, into Stone and Gout, Rheumatisms, Palsies and Dropsies; after having by their Love of theBottle, exchang'd their Youth and their Strength, not for a short and amerry Life, but a short and a miserable one. 

PRIOR. It is a terrible Thing to consider, if half the Money paid for_French_ Wine, was laid out in Building and Planting here, what aGarden they wou'd make of this whole Island; and instead of this, theymake the Bottle the Business of their Lives, and sacrifice to thisnoble Passion, I will not say their Country, (for that no body minds)but their Healths and their Fortunes as readily as their Reason. It isodd to me, Mr. _Dean_, if we must use foreign Wines, why we do not makethose of _Portugal_, _Spain_, _Italy_ and _Sicily_, cheap by lowDuties, and the _French_ twice as dear by high ones; for by this means, we cou'd get Drunk with the Loss of less Time, and Health, and Money. If even such a Tax was laid on it, as would make its Consumption lessgeneral, and hinder the poorer part of our People, from being ruin'd bythe dreadful Affectation, of drinking like the Men of Figure andFashion, it wou'd be an excellent Method; and above all if theadditional Taxes, were appropriated to extend the Linen Manufacturethro' the Southern Provinces. This wou'd soon enrich us, and impoverishat the same Time, the great Enemy to the repose of _Europe_; for 'tisby her Wines and our Money chiefly, that _France_ has been enabled, tosoar towards Universal Monarchy, and if this Feather was pluck'd fromher, she wou'd soon shorten her Flights, and droop her Wings. 

SWIFT. You think extravagantly and wildly! You cheat yourself like mostProjectors, with your own Dreams, and your Expectations are suited onlyto Citizens, who live and act, _Tanquam in Republica Platonis_. Can yoube so absurd as to hope, that Men in these Days, and in Manners likeours, shou'd listen to Reason; and think our own Beer, Ale, Cyder, Meadand home Wines, fittest and best for themselves, their Friends andtheir Families? Can you imagine that this Age of Intemperance andLuxury, will think a while of these important Truths, instead ofpleasing their Palates, and driving off that heavy Load, their Time, with the Roar of Jollity and Riot? Is it to be expected that goodFellows and Pot Companions, will be influenced by a Regard for theWelfare of _Ireland_, when they will not value their own Healths, noravoid all the Distempers we lately reckon'd up, as well as all thenervous Disorders, that spring from the fatal Tartar, which Claret bysad Experience is found to abound with? I was weak enough, to readPhysick Books in my old Age, and I remember _Galen_ told me, that inall Wine there is something Indigestible in its self, and ruinous totrue complete Concoction; but our best modern Physicians do alsoassert, that the Tartar in _French_ Wine, is the Fountain of a Crowd ofPlagues and Pains, to our wretched Bodies. We read this in a Number ofAuthors, and have the Tradition handed down, from the Records of theDead and the Living, who have suffered by neglecting such good Advice;but where are the _Recabites_ that will listen to such Councils, inthese drinking Days. 

PRIOR. But as destructive as Wine is to us, we must not forget thedreadful Effects, Spirituous Liquors have on our Country and ourBodies. They are really a sort of Liquid Flames, which corrode theCoats of the Stomach, thicken the Juices, and enflame the Blood, and ina Word, absolutely subvert the whole Animal Oeconomy. The frequent useof them, has had as bad Effects on our poor Natives, as Gin in _GreatBritain_; and besides driving many Wretches into Thefts, Quarrels, Murders and Robberies, it kills as many of the Poor, (when Drunk toexcess) as Wine does of the Rich. Even our own renowned _Whisky_, tho'it has banish'd the Brandies of _France_, yet is almost as perniciousto our Healths and our Morals; tho' we have this poor Comfort, sinceSpirituous Liquors we must have, that it is better to pay our _Irish_Farmers, for destroying us, (if we must be destroy'd) than the _French_Vignarons about _Bourdeaux_. 

SWIFT. I allow indeed our _Irish_ Spirits, are preferable to those madein _France_; but after all, the chief good Quality of them is, that theKing gets a prodigious encrease of his Revenue, by our Stills. It wereto be wish'd, that this Part of his Majesty's Duties, that is foundedon the Intemperance of his People, was supplied by some other Tax; forit is dreadful to consider, how much the Crown is interested, that theSubject shou'd neither be frugal or sober. The Duty on our Spirits isthe best paid Money in the World, unless we except what we pay for ourWine; for I think the only Debts we pay well, are to the Merchant whoPoisons us, and the Sharpers who bubble us at Play. If I were alive, Iwou'd write a Book against the dreadful Intemperance of this Age andthis Country; tho' I doubt if it wou'd do us much Service; for there isa Time, when the noblest Medicines are of no Use in a Distemper, and Ifear our political Diseases are now so desperate, that to die as easilyas we can, and to put it off as long as we can, is all our poor Countrycan hope for. I will therefore leave this, and go to another greatObstacle to the welfare of _Ireland_, and that is the want of Tillageamongst us. 

PRIOR. That is indeed, Mr. _Dean_, a terrible Evil, and like most ofour Evils, chiefly owing to ourselves. We do not want this additionalHardship to many others, that what we earn by our Labours in goodYears, goes all from us in a scarce one, and leaves us either withoutFood or without Money. 

SWIFT. Surely if repeated Sufferings make us patient, we might expectthat our frequent Misfortunes, might make us Wise; and yet Famines arenot able to oblige us to Plow, nor our Legislature to force us to it, by salutary Laws. One wou'd believe there were neither Thinkers orReasoners, (unpoison'd by French Wine) left in _Ireland_. Are we to bea Nation of Beasts, and a few Savages to watch them, and only someLandlords and Butchers to divide the Spoil, and share the Plunder of aNation, wasted of its Villages and People, as _William Rufus_, serv'dpart of _Kent_, to feed his Deer? Good God! what a Scandal are wegrowing, to all the Kingdoms of the Earth, that set up for a regulatedGovernment, or a sensible equal Polity? Surely, _Tom_, Men with commonSense, and common Industry, might make something else of this fertileCountry, than a wild solitary Extent of Pastures; and that Men andcivilized Creatures, might thrive here as well as Beasts andBarbarians; and that we need not let this poor Region, look like theone ey'd _Polyphemus_'s Island, spoil'd of its Inhabitants, andoccupied only by his Sheep and his Cattle? We all know, Grazing makesCountries wild and horrid, their People slothful and uncultivated asthe Soil; but one might bear any Fault but starving; and yet everythree or four Years, Men here are near famishing for want of Bread, andready to eat up each other, like Lord _Al----ms'_ Dogs in the Kennel. It is hard to say, what sort of People we are, for it is strange thatthe universal Instinct, that governs all the lower Ranks of Animals, orthat the great Law of Self-preservation, does not influence ourCountrymen so far, as to provide their own Bread. Not to Insult us withwiser Nations, I wou'd at least expect, that we shou'd shew ourselves, as provident as the Republick of Ants, and keep something to preserveLife and Soul together, when Want and Winter come. We seem to be quiteuninfluenced by Hopes or Fears, the two great ruling Passions of theSoul; and as merry and improvident, as so many Grass-hoppers. In otherCountries if Sheep eat up Men, the Men have their Revenge and eat upSheep; but in _Ireland_, wretched, thoughtless _Ireland_, Sheep eat upmore Men than all the Wolves on the Earth, without our poor Natives, being able to devour one of them, but now and then, when we Steal them, just to keep Life and Soul together. 

PRIOR. The very Earth seems to cry out against us, Mr. _Dean_, for ourwant of labouring it, as it is ready to reward the Industrious, withfertile Crops, and large Returns. He who will work up its naturalStrength sufficiently, need never want Food or Raiment, or a good warmCabbin, to encourage him to go on, and by honest Care and Toils, inTime enrich himself and his Country. We observ'd before, that the Womenwho were once the idlest part of our People, are now the mostIndustrious; and if the Men will improve as fast at the Plow, as theyhave done at the Wheel, we shou'd soon see a vast Change in ourCircumstances. Our pinch'd miserable way of Living, wou'd be turn'd toPlenty and Neatness, Warmth and Health; and the Plow wou'd enliven theWheel and the Reel, and keep every Child, and every Sex in Motion. Allthis we may hope from good and wise Governors; of such force isThinking for the Body, when the Body in return, will Work to makeitself and the Mind easy. If our Rulers and Legislators, wou'd onceheartily set about contriving, to get us Bread out of our own Fields, and oblige us by Laws to till the Ground sufficiently, we might soonsee our People and their Children, as busy as so many _Japonese_Villagers, when the Earth is loaded with their Harvests. However, Ifear neither of these Things will be done, till we are forc'd to it, byseeing Twenty-Thousand poor Mortals starv'd once more, and twice asmany driven out of our Country; just as we see People seldom buildBridges over the River, till they find Numbers of Travellers, have beendrown'd in Fording it. 

SWIFT. A Foreigner wou'd think it as absurd, to hear that our Nativeswant Food, while we Export such amazing Quantities of Provisions; asthat the Commonalty round _Newcastle_, wanted Firing, tho' they furnish_London_ with their Coals. He wou'd ask, why we don't Tax such a madExportation, and by laying Twelve-pence per Barrel, on all salted Beefand Pork, raise a Fund for Premiums, to the greatest Number of Acresplow'd in each County; that at least we may have Bread for our Natives, who dare not hope for Flesh to eat with it. 'Tis a sad and areproachful Prospect to us, to observe the _Chinese_ levellingMountains, banking in Rivers, and draining Morasses, to improve andDung them for the Plow; and to see in _Ireland_, as fertile Plains asany in the Earth, lying untill'd, and feeding Sheep and Bullocks, instead of Men, of Industrious social thinking Creatures! The Plow isthe Cause that _China_ swarms with large Cities and Villages, and 'tisfrom the want of Tillage, that I remember to have seen in _Munster_, the wretched Tenants, as ill-housed as so many _Hottentots_; whichproceeds from the same Defect, the Country there is so little Populous. Great Towns, and fair Villages, are not only the Strength and Ornamentof any Country, but good Dwellings do naturally encrease Children, as aBarn does Mice, and from the same Reason too. Besides Buildings likethose in _China_, always bring Crowds of Artificers together, as theyare sure of Business and Employment from them; and thence also theCountry too, must become thicker Planted and better Peopled; but in_Ireland_, all these Blessings are as hopeless, and as rare as Virtue, Wisdom or Industry. Without Tillage properly follow'd and encourag'd, 'tis impossible our Numbers will ever encrease sufficiently; nay theymust necessarily decline every Day; nor shall we be able to feedtolerably, those Remnants of our Countrymen, whom our Flocks of Sheep, and Herds of Bullocks, don't drive to _France_ and _America_, thosegreat Drains of wretched _Ireland_. But what is fully as bad is, thatwithout Tillage, we shall be perpetually drawing off what little Moneywe have, and Bread will be so dear, that 'tis impossible but otherNations who feed cheaper, must undersell us in our Manufactures. Besides how can there be any depending on stated Prices for our Goods, while Bread is constantly so fluctuating in its Value, as it is in_Ireland_; since the Wages of the Workmen, will ever depend on thePrice he pays for his Food? This is by the bye, a Circumstance, whichmust for ever shut out the Linen Business from Munster, and all thegrazing Counties; it being absolutely impossible for it to subsist, without Tillage and Hands, which ever go together. It cannot be theProfit, that endears Grazing to the Southern Provinces; since manyexcellent Authors, and particularly Mr. _Dobbs_, have clearlydemonstrated the vast Difference, betwixt Tillage and Grazing, as tothe real Gain by each; and it is clear we lose one Year with another, 200, 000_l. _ to our Country, by this impolitick Turn to Stocks. This isenough in Conscience, one wou'd imagine for this unthinking Kingdom;but we must add to this Loss also, the Multitudes, we force Abroad orstarve at Home, and the real Gain we shou'd make by their Arts andLabour, and the encrease of Houses, Marriages, Children, Health, Wealthand Plenty, which they naturally bring with them. If our wise Grazierswou'd once consider these Things, and that our Northern Colonies in_America_, are supplying those in the South with Beef, and threatningto beat us by Degrees out of that Trade, they will perceive hownecessary it is, to have a Law for Tillage, and that without it, we maysay with the _Ægyptians_, 'We be all dead Men. ' This I am sure of, andI will only add that 'tis in vain to make Laws, for encouraging ourLinen, or to expect to keep Money enough in our Kingdom, to pay ourRents, or circulate Trade, when such prodigious Sums, go out annuallyfor Grain, by which, and the vast Importation of _French_ Wine, we arenow actually on the very Brink of Bankruptcy and Ruin. 

SWIFT. I know no better way to convince any one, of the superiorAdvantages, arising from Tillage, compar'd to those by Grazing, then tomake him consider the Circumstances of the People in _Ulster_, andthose in the other Provinces. In the first, all are laborious, all arewell Cloath'd, well Fed, well Housed and Taught; in the last, all Lazy, Naked, Starv'd, Lodg'd in dirty Hutts, and almost Illiterate. Thesuperior Advantages which the North so eminently enjoys, proceed not somuch from the different Genius's, of the two opposite Religions, whichprevail there, and in the South, (tho' that is something) but fromTillage and Labour, and all the Arts 'tis employ'd in, being fixt in_Ulster_. This shews the Care we shou'd take, to encourage Tillage inthis half starv'd Island, and the wisest Nations have ever thought theycou'd not take too much about it. _Aulus Gellius_ tells us, that thewise _Romans_ kept Inspectors, over the Agriculture of their People, who took due Care, that every one manag'd their Grounds, in the mostskilful and useful Manner, and to instruct the Ignorant and punish theRefractory. At this Day, _Pere du Halde_ assures us, that the _Chinese_do in the most rigid Manner, oblige every one to sow their Grounds orforfeit them; and they appoint judicious Surveyors, who every Year, make Returns to the Magistrates, of the several Plow-Lands, and theirdifferent Fertility. This may convince us, what these two wise Nationsthought, of the Benefit of Agriculture; and if any Thing cou'd make usrenounce our destructive Passion for Grazing, one might tell them, that'tis recommended by him that made the Earth, in many Passages of holyWrit; and if you remember, _Moses_ also Assigns it, as one Reason forGod's creating _Adam_, That Man was wanted to Till the Ground. When Iwas talking of the _Roman_ and _Chinese_ Inspectors of their Tillage, Ishou'd have mention'd that the _Jews_ had such also; for we find theNames of those who in _David_'s Time, were Superintendants of suchMatters, recorded in the [3]_Chronicles_. Possibly in these blessedTimes for Acting and Thinking freely, we shou'd not relish suchDictators to the Plow, nor any penal Laws to enforce our Tillage; butcertain I am, that without some Laws that will execute themselves, (howaverse soever we may be to them) we shall still continue in the utmostDanger of Beggary and Famine. We may very well submit, even to suchcompulsatory Laws in this Kingdom, since every one may read in ourHistories, that _England_ was often oblig'd, to force her Subjects toreturn to the Plow, when the lazy Method of pasturing Cattle, haddistrest that Kingdom; and 'tis chiefly to the Statutes made by the twolast _Henries_ and _Edward_ the VIth, that she owes the Blessing, ofher being now the Granary of _Europe_, and of her enjoying theAdvantages of having improv'd her Agriculture, beyond all otherNations. It is to be hop'd, if our late Act to encrease our Tillage, was properly amended, and form'd so as to make the Recovery of thePenalties more easy, it wou'd have very happy Effects here; asAgriculture is the Source of Plenty, and the nursing Mother of Arts andManufactures. We observ'd before, that to see Beggars in any wellregulated State, is a reproach to its Laws and Government; but to see aNation of Beggars, is too scandalous to have it exemplified in anyKingdom but _Ireland_; and yet without an effectual Law for Tillage, that must unquestionably be our Misfortune for a while, and in someYears our Ruin. I am at a Loss how to account for this universalConspiracy to destroy ourselves, which is the more alarming, as our ownPlots against our own Happiness generally succeed. Have we made a Vowof Poverty, like the Capuchin Friars, or have we entred into aConfederacy to enrich every Country but our own? For if not, whencecomes it, that above all other Nations we have the finest Ports, without Ships or Trade, the greatest Number of able Hands, without anycare of Employing them, and that we are blest with so many Millions, ofrich arable Acres without Plowing them, and such Numbers of Men of Rankand Fortune, without proper Zeal or Spirit, to remedy these Evils whichwe groan under? But there are two Instances of our Folly as to Tillage, that I cannot pass by. The first is, that we chuse the North, for themain Store-House of the Kingdom, where we have not only the barrenestLands, but the worst Seasons, and where the Wet and Bleakness of theCountry, produce tardy Harvests, fierce Winds and heavy Rains; andwhere the Ground is not near so fit for the Production of Wheat, as therich Plains of our other Provinces, that lye nearer to the Sun. Theother Instance of our Folly, is our rejecting in the Year 1710, theBill transmitted from _England_, that allowed a large Premium for ourexported Corn, which wou'd have been the greatest Encouragement to ourTillage, and consequently the greatest Blessing to this unfortunateKingdom. I will not reckon up the Millions it wou'd have sav'd us, thathave since gone out for Bread; nor those it wou'd have gain'd us, bythe encrease of our Manufactures, and the keeping busy at Home, all theHands we have been depriv'd of by subsequent Famines; but I will saythis, that as our Zeal for his Majesty's Succession, our dread of thePretender, and our Jealousy of the Duke of _Ormond_'s popular Arts, made us then throw out that Act; so it is to be hop'd, that the Kingwill in the Generosity of his Soul, restore us that desireable Billwhich we lost for him. 

 [3] _1 Chronicles, 27. Ch. V. 25 and 26. _

PRIOR. I heartily wish it, Mr. _Dean_, and tho' we had then a LordLieutenant highly regarded by the Ministry, favour'd by the Queen, andgreatly belov'd in _Ireland_, yet it is as true, that we have one atpresent, who is not inferior to him in those Advantages, and vastlysuperior to him in others; and who certainly has as sincere a desire toserve us, as ever possest a _Boulter_, a _Berkeley_ or a _Swift_, for Iwill not presume to join my Name with such Patriots. I hope we shallfind it so by Experience, but whenever he does procure us thatBlessing, if he wou'd complete our Obligations to him, and endearhimself for ever to _Ireland_, he must add to it, the establishingGranaries in _Dublin_, _Cork_, and such Parts of the Kingdom, wherethey will be the most useful to those great Ends, the keeping Bread ata fix'd Price, as well as our Manufactures, and the Wages of those whoWork them, whose Labour must ever depend on their Food. Without these, we must live dependent on Accidents, Winds and Seasons, and the Mercyof Corn-Factors; and as both the old _Jews_ and the old _Romans_, hadsuch Store-Houses, and the wisest Governments in _Europe_, made use ofthem with the exactest Providence, and to the greatest Advantage underproper Regulations; surely we shall not be depriv'd of such Blessingslong. They are the great security to the Welder, that his Grain shallbear a fair encouraging Price, and at the same Time a Restraint on therapacious Avarice of the Farmer, and the Corn-Chandler abroad and atHome; and as by being furnish'd in cheap Years, and all Exportationsstopt till they're fill'd, they wou'd keep a fair Balance on the Priceof Bread, he who desires to be bless'd by the Poor and the Industrioushere, will not fail to add this Favour to all that we hope to receivefrom him. 

SWIFT. I don't like praying to Saints that must pray to others. Ourbest Way is to address his Majesty for whatever we stand in need of;tho' after all, what can we hope _England_ will do for us, who sees ourWants, knows what has occasioned them, and what would relieve them, andyet takes not the least Step to serve us. This single Circumstancelooks with an ill-omen'd Aspect on the Affairs of _Ireland_, and isanother main Reason, which I must offer to you, why I think our Days ofProsperity are as far off as the great _Platonick_ Year. 

PRIOR. I have often thought, Mr. _Dean_, our Clamours against _England_very ill grounded, tho' many, who know they are false or foolish, areapt, for no good Ends, to encourage them. 'Tis to _England_ that we owethat we are yet a Nation, that we are Freemen and Protestants, andenjoy our civil and religious Rights, by the same Zeal and Effortswhich secured their own. They have left large Branches of Trade andManufactures open to us; and even our Linen and our Fisheries, ourTillage and our Collieries, our Salt-works, and our Mines, (not tomention many others) would employ most of the idle Hands in theKingdom, if we would once set vigorously about them. Can we be sounreasonable as to expect she will distress her own Natives, toencourage those in _Ireland_, as if they had not Sense to consider, that their Charity, as well as ours, should ever begin at home? It cannever be denied, that they have done largely for us, if we would dosomething to help ourselves, with proper Industry, and an eager Zeal toserve our Country. They do not hinder us to save 300000 _l. _ _perAnnum_, by using our own Woollen and Silken Manufactures, our own Salt, our own Sugar, our own Grain, Hops and Coals, Ale, Cyder, Bark andCheese, our own Iron and Iron-ware, Paper and Glass; and if we will notwork them up, nor use them when wrought, are they to be blamed, or we?Would you have them make a Law to prohibit the Importation of suchThings to _Ireland_, and force us to use our Hands for our own Wants, whether we will or no?

SWIFT. I wish they would; it would be of infinite Service to this poorCountry, which they impoverish by the wasteful Consumption of _English_Goods, that devour our Money, and deaden our Industry. That we owe manyBlessings to _England_, I never doubted, even when I was alive, and asfar as was in her Power, disgraced and maltreated by her, and much lessshall I dispute it now. However, I can reckon up a large Catalogue ofComplaints and Distresses, which _Ireland_ can very justly charge herwith. 

PRIOR. Allowing all this to be true, as, to my Sorrow, I see you havesome Grounds for your Assertion; are they to be reviled or envy'd forsending us their Goods, if we are so mad as to call for them? Would youhave them hinder your buying their Commodities? Or, to go a littlefurther, would we be hinder'd if they did? If we cut our own Throats, in our own wise Judgments, would you have them make a Law to gibbet usfor it after we are dead? I allow you many of our Murmurings are just;but for the Love of Truth and Goodness, let us lament our Case withsome Sense, and begin at the right End with railing at ourselves. I donot deny, that we are much impoverish'd by their Importations, nay, that by them we are in some Sense of the Word, Beggars; But, dear_Dean_, who ever hated Beggars more than you did, that had Health andHands, and could work and help themselves, and would not. If our Peoplewill neither set up Manufactures, nor encourage them when set up, ifthey will not promote Agriculture by large Premiums through theKingdom, but had rather beg Bread from their industrious Neighbours; ifthey will neither build Granaries, or set up Fisheries or Collieries:If Gentlemen will neither live at home, nor build and improve theirEstates, to tempt their Sons to live there; if they see Societies setup for the Service of _Ireland_, and won't spare Shillings a-piece fromtheir Diversions, to increase their Force and Power to help us, are the_English_ to be blamed, or ourselves, if they leave it to our Choiceeither to mend our Follies, or to suffer by them. 

SWIFT. The Truth is (though I am loth to confess it) I fear we are toolazy, because we are not extraordinarily encouraged, either here or by_England_; and probably they want to see us more alert, before theyhelp us further; and in the mean time, between our Gentlemen who goabroad for Pleasure, and our Poor for Bread, we are like a Ship that isrun a-ground, and the Hands which should have saved her gone off. People that are unfortunate love to have some one to lay the Blame on;and so we rail at _England_, as I remember Mrs. _Halley_ (the Wife ofthe famous Astronomer) did at the Stars, who used to wring her Hands, and bawl out, My Curse, and God's Curse upon them for Stars, for theyhave ruined me and my Family; whereas, like _Job_'s Wife, she ought tohave cursed her Husband for his star-gazing Folly. At the same Time Inever did, nor ever will forgive _England_ for not helping us more thanshe does: We are a Mint in her Hands, but through her Negligence orDiffidence it is an unwrought one, though the Ore is vastly rich andpromising. 

PRIOR. I must agree with you there, and yet I am convinced, that theFear of making their own People jealous, the Weight of their Debts, their violent Parties, and their decayed Trade, prevent their doing allthey would for us or themselves; the Charity, the unbounded Charity, _England_ extended to us at the Revolution, her Encouragement to ourLinens, our Woollen Yarn, and our Cambricks, and to name no more, herBenefactions to our Charter-Schools, are Evidences of her Love to uswhich can never be forgotten. But beside all this, if _England_ has aZeal for her own Welfare, she must have a good Will for ours; for sheknows and feels every Improvement made in _Ireland_, that does notdirectly clash with her Interest, is pouring Treasure into her own Lap, as regularly as what the River gets is returned to the Ocean. 'Tisevident, if we are better cloath'd, peopled, fed, and housed here; ifour Wealth be encreased, or our Inhabitants or Country improved, weshall of Course take off more of her Goods, and spend more of our Moneyin _London_, which is to all Intents and Purposes, as much ourMetropolis as _England_'s. We already, by the mending of ourCircumstances in some Respects, and the raising our Rents, do actuallyspend thrice as much there as our Grandfathers did; and it is as plaina Truth, that our Grandchildren will hereafter redouble what we carrythere now. Can there be a Doubt then, that _England_ must consult ourWelfare, as long as she attends to her own? Though we live in differentIslands, we are in effect but one People, and generally Children of thesame Family; all we want to make us happy together is, that the elderBrother should carry to us with Affection and Regard and we to him withRespect and Deference, without Jealousies or Quarrels for Trifles orThings that cannot be helped, we never interfering with them, nor theyoppressing or cramping us. 

SWIFT. You are a very civil Magistrate, as _St. John_ says, and haveadjusted Things very amicably; but there is another Reason for_England_'s protecting us, which I cannot pass by, and that is becauseany bold Step of the Crown in future Ages to absolute Power, willprobably begin here. 'Tis therefore to be hoped, our Brethren in_Great-Britain_, who (whatever may become of them) are not born Slaveslike some People I won't name, will watch us like a Beacon, wheneverbad or weak Men set this poor Island on Fire, either to plunder or tofrighten it, or for any other noble political Scheme. I must own, _Tom_, while I was playing the Fool in the World, like my Neighbours, Iused to rail at _England_ severely, and I had my Reasons for it; butthough I am altered much as to that Point, there are several Thingsthat I still think her blameable in, and particularly for the smallNumber of _Irishmen_ that are preferred in Church and State. The Wantof all proper Encouragement here, for every Man's exerting hisAbilities as far as they can go, has terrible Effects on the veryGenius and Character of our Nation. It actually keeps our Schoolsunfill'd, and thins our College to a surprising Degree; and makes ourPeople look on the little Virtue we have yet kept among us, as uselessand impertinent in a Country, where they are out of Fashion, and whereAlliance, and Blood, and Family-Interest, make our Constitution inChurch and State, (and especially the Church) rather hereditary thanelective. This is a great national Grievance, so as to make it a Sortof Misfortune to be born here; nor do I see any Hopes of a Remedy, unless we get a Bill of Naturalization past on the other Side of theWater for all _Irishmen_, as well as for the _Jews_. At present thereis as little Encouragement for Knowledge, or the learned Arts in_Ireland_, as in the _Isle of Man_, or rather less; for though theirPreferments and Posts are fewer, they are only bestowed on Natives. Bythis Means it will come to pass in Time, that our Parts must be asslight as our Encouragements, and poor as our Country; for here, as inthe dead Level of the Ocean, there is no Rising but by Storms andTempests, and the Miseries and Ruins they occasion; and therefore halfour Gentry owe their Estates to the Wars and Rebellions of Madmen andBigots. But as to Eminence in Learning, or distinguish'd Abilities, they are quite overlook'd; or at least the Handful, that _Ireland_ hasseen preferred of her Natives by them, is miserably small. In otherNations some, nay, Crowds, are advanced by their Knowledge and Talents, but here they are discountenanced and brow-beaten; some are enriched byTrade, but here all we have is contrived to ruin us: Some make largeFortunes by their Skill in the Laws, but with us, where Plaintiffs orDefendants are one or other of them Beggars, the Proverb will tell youwhat is got by the Suit. I must add to all these Complaints, that evenAvarice cannot bring a Man in _Ireland_ a moderate Acquisition ofWealth; for here all Men do so universally outlive their Circumstances, that Saving is grown as scandalous as Thieving, and a Man is hooted outof the World more frequently for the one, than he is hanged for theother. 

PRIOR. It is easier, Mr. _Dean_, to exclaim on this Head, than to shewthe Justice of the Complaint; for whoever will carefully look over theLists of those who have been preferred in Church and State for someYears, will find there has been greater Attention than ever paid tothis Matter. But lest you should dispute this Fact, I will only hint, that there are Grounds to say, this Complaint will not be so common aTopick of Discourse with _Irishmen_, as we knew it in our Time; andprobably as Learning and Knowledge may therefore make greater Advancesamong us than ever, we shall find _Irishmen_ hereafter as muchdistinguished by their Preferments as their Merit. But however that maybe, it will be as great Madness for us to malign or revile _England_ onsuch Disgusts and Slights, as for a younger Son to quarrel with hisFather, to whom he owes his being what he is, and who may in Timevastly enlarge his Portion and his Happiness, if he behaves with Dutyand Love. This I will be bold to say, that we are possess'd of as manycivil Advantages, under our Connections with _England_, as we enjoyfrom our natural ones, and our Situation in this Climate, this Sun, andthis World of Life and Matter, where we derive so many Blessings fromthe Bounty of the Creator. 

SWIFT. I wish, _Tom_, you would not stir that Bone of Contention, forthere is a great deal to be said on both Sides of the Question, which, as I love to keep in good Humour, and be as quiet in my Grave as I can, I do not care for wrangling about. But this I must say, as to yourHints of our being Children of the same Family, that you had better letthem alone, for it stirs my Spleen too violently. I am sure, if we areso, we fare like the rest of the younger Children in the World, who getbut a Pittance to starve on, while the elder Brother runs away with theBulk of the Fortune. I will not dwell on what we lose to her byAbsentees, but I know between our Wool, our Woollen and Worsted Yarn, our Linens and Linen Yarn, our Copper, Lead, and Iron Ore, our Hides, Skins, Tallow, all which are the Primums and Foundations of her greatManufactures, she makes immense Gains by her Trade with our Country, and the Ships she employs in it. I must also add, that we take from herthe largest Supplies of her Grain and her Manufactures of any Nationupon Earth; and besides the Crowds of _English_ Gentlemen, that arepossess'd of Employments, Commissions, Pensions, and Preferments here, she makes near two Millions by the Trade with _Ireland_; which I knowis more than she gains from the rest of the World. I am not peevish, orat least so peevish, as I used to be, when I had vile Flesh and Bloodabout me; but these are plain confest honest Truths, and if thatgenerous large thoughted Nation, will consider them calmly andcandidly; possibly she will make us other Returns, than cramping ourTrade, making us poor Petitioners, for leave to live by our Linen, andbinding us by Laws (a Thing which every _Briton_ shou'd start at) towhich we never gave our Consent. 

PRIOR. I cannot enter on that Subject, without irritating you, andtherefore, Mr. _Dean_, I will drop it; but this I must say, that_England_ had probably shewn us more Affection and Indulgence, if shehad not been kept in perpetual Alarms, by our endeavouring to Rival herin her great Staple, the Woollen Trade. I have heard of some Women, whoto regain their Husband's Affections, strove to make them Jealous; butI fancy that is no good Artifice, to make Nations love one another, andI hope as our Linen Manufactures, and our Tillage encrease in theSouth; we shall remove all uneasiness from that Quarter. It is certainour Interests and _England_'s are inseparably united, and he must be avery weak, or a very malicious Man, who wou'd endeavour to divide ourInclinations, and set up a Wall Partition between us; by keeping upartificial Jealousy on the one Side, and unnatural Aversion on theother. It wou'd be absurd to think that because we have a broader Armof the Sea, between us and _England_ than the _Isle of Wight_, or_Anglesea_; that therefore we ought to have, different Rules and Viewsof Acting; whereas we shou'd consider ourselves as one People, join'din one System of Government, Religion, Laws and Liberties; and he thatdivides us Ruins us. 

SWIFT. What dost thou talk of dividing us? I hope that Word was notaim'd at me. I am not for Divisions (nor let me whisper you in the Ear, _Tom_) Unions either, till I see more Cause. But in the mean Time, Isay since _England_ makes so much by _Ireland_, she ought to help us toget something for ourselves, if it was for no other Reason but todouble her Gain by us. But it is amazing how a Nation so sensible andenterprizing as she is generally allow'd to be, can so long over lookthe vast Advantages she might draw from us, if we were cultivated andimprov'd under her Direction. Can she be Ignorant how useful, so largeand so fertile a Country may be to her, where Hands and Food are soeasily had, and may be turn'd to every Manufacture she wants, aseffectually as the Motion of an Army by a skilful General. And if sheknows it, can she neglect it? Does she want to be told, where she maymost properly and providently give all the vast Sums she pays, forHempen and Linen Manufactures to our Neighbours round the _Baltick_?Does she understand what Gain she wou'd make, if the Lands here wereraised by Trade and Manufactures, to a Million more than they now setfor, and how soon this may be done? Is she yet to learn, that byencouraging the Woollen Business here, in such Articles only, as herRivals undersell her in, she wou'd effectually recover them out oftheir Hands, by employing the _Irish_, who by paying no Taxes on theirMilk and Potatoes, can undersell the World? Is she Ignorant what shemight make, by compleatly working our Mines, by opening our Trade toher Plantations effectually, and to Name no more by setting up extendedFisheries here, (the Gain from which one wou'd be tempted to think, washinted by _Christ_'s bidding St. _Peter_, take Money out of the FishesMouth) and thereby besides the Profit of what we vend, breedingThousands of Mariners to man her Navy. If these are certain Facts, Ihope you will allow me without Grumbling, to assert two plain Truths;first that there never was a Nation so Affectionate, so Loyal as_Ireland_; and secondly, That there never was a rebellious People somuch suspected, so long neglected, and so saintly, so coldly encourag'dto serve her. 

PRIOR. Tho' I cannot agree with you, Mr. _Dean_, in some of theseParticulars, yet I will avoid Wrangling with an old Friend; but I mustsay you are too ready to lay blame upon _England_; when our own Peopleare more to be reproach'd than our Neighbours, who have more Affairs oftheir own on their Hands, than they can get well manag'd. If we fairlyweigh Things, we will find our Countrymen faulty in many Regards; andindeed I have such a Bead-roll of Accusations against them, that I knownot where I had best begin the Attack. 

SWIFT. Hold! _Tom_, hold! Dead or Living, I wou'd never allow any Manto attack _Ireland_, but myself; however when I am out of Breath, youshall be permitted to assist me now, and then. I must ingeniously own, I see so many Mistakes in their ways of Thinking and Acting, that themore I consider them, the more I look on _Ireland_, as in a dangerousCondition. The first Thing I shall touch at, is that terrible want ofpublick Spirit, which we are notoriously defective in; tho' like thePulse in the human Body, where it is wanting, Death is nigh! allCountries are greatly help'd by this noblest Passion of the human Mind:But this Island must be absolutely lost, without its Assistance. We areso Circumstanced in several Views, that nothing can keep us aboveWater, and much less make us flourish, but the whole of our Gentry, joining one and all, to rouse themselves and the Nation, by encouragingevery Art, every additional Method of employing us, that they cansettle here. And yet how few have I known, who exerted themselves thisway, or seem'd to know it was their Interest, or to think it theirDuty. I remember in some Accounts of _Portugal_, I have met a Relationof the vast Good that is done there, by the famous merciful Society, asthey call it very deservedly. It is composed of the most distinguish'dPersons in the Kingdom, who all contribute their Quota's to therelieving in a private Manner, all deserving People, (and Tradesmenespecially) who are in want. The Steward who is annually Chosen, isalways one of the most Illustrious of the Nobility; and cannot avoidspending 5000 _l. _ in these Charities, to come off with Honour, andkeep up the Glory of his Trust. Now I will venture to affirm, tho' wehave vastly the Superiority over _Portugal_, as to the Numbers ofNoblemen and Gentlemen of great Fortunes in _Ireland_; yet it wou'd bea vain Attempt to endeavour to establish such a generous Society here. This makes me Tremble for a People so deserted and neglected as ours;for unless the Rich, and the Great, and the Powerful, give largely tothe Encouragement of Arts and Industry, and set Examples of Virtue andGoodness, and a Love of their Country before us, there can be littlehopes of this or any other Nation, being made completely easy or happy. Men of larger Fortunes, shou'd shew they have larger Hearts thanothers, or they ought like the old _Romans_ to suffer a voluntaryDegradation, and descend from their State and mix with the meanest_Plebeians_. If they Act so as to do Honour to their Ancestors, andgive shining Proofs of Truth, Piety, Worth and Benevolence; Numberswill Copy them with Joy; but without this, we may as well expect anArmy will be brave, where the Generals, Colonels and Captains areCowards, as that a Nation shall shew publick Spirit, or be Virtuous, Religious and Charitable, where their Superiors have oppositeCharacters. Let all who are eminent for Wealth or Birth, or Parts, seriously lay this to Heart, and consider how much the Immorality andMisery, or the Virtue and Prosperity of their Country, is chargeable tothem and their Conduct; and it will not fail of stirring up a generousEmulation, who shall be most distinguish'd, in assisting the whole ofour People, in Thinking and Acting better, and more nobly than theyhave hitherto done. 

PRIOR. That too few have Acted thus, must be acknowledg'd; but somethere have been among them, who have done Honour to their Families, andraised their own Characters, by the applauded Parts they have Acted, for the Service of their Country. 

SWIFT. At the same Time, _Tom_, one wou'd wonder such Examples shou'dnot be more frequent; for how dreadful how contemptible a Figure, inthe sight of God and Man, must he make, who with the Advantages ofBirth, and Fortune, and Power, seems to labour to be remembred, Livingand Dead, only for being given up to the basest and most brutal Vices, or at best for his senseless Splendour, by living like an _Epicure_, oracting the Gamester, or for his great Stables or well-cover'd Table, his well-fill'd Cellar, or to heighten his Character still higher, hisDebts and his Drabs. Such Men ruin and corrupt the World, by theirExamples; they sneer at Virtue and Sobriety, they make a Jest of lovingor serving this poor Island, and Ridicule the very Name of a Patriot;and while they withhold their Contribution, to every good Design, theymake Sport of lavishing their Fortunes in Folly, and ruining theirConstitution by Vice, and they even Laugh at Religion, and shew anequal Contempt for their God and their Country. It is odd, that few canbe Stupid enough not to see, that every Man's private Interest andHappiness, let him be ever so great, is involv'd in that of thePublick; and yet few or none will Labour to serve the Publick, so faras to think for or support its Interest, whenever they have anOpportunity. I labour'd to rouse it up amongst us, for a Number ofYears, to no Purpose, and I am apprehensive, that our best Ground tohope, to see this Spirit revive here, is that Posterity may hereafterexert it effectually, when they see this Island ruin'd; by the littleRegard that is shewn for it now. However I must say (if any Thing in_Ireland_ were worth complaining about) that it is a little hard, wemust be Ruin'd before we are reform'd, just as Shipwrecks set upLight-houses, to secure future Sailors in their Voyages. This wou'denrage one, _Tom_, if a noble Scorn did not cool our Fury. 

PRIOR. These Thoughts disturb the Breasts of the Dead, as well as thePassions of the Living; for it is certain if our higher People shew'd atrue publick Spirit, it wou'd produce vast Effects amongst us; it wou'dstir up Invention, Industry and Emulation, and in a Word awaken everyGenius, every useful Man in this Kingdom. We have had veryextraordinary Persons Born and Educated here, and we wou'd have themstill, if our Leaders wou'd make use of that plain Method, by properPremiums to raise Seed-Beds and Nurseries for them, and use our Youthto think, and to excell. How easily might they call out every one'sbest Qualities, to the properest Purposes, and encourage every Man, whofinds he has the Seeds of Virtue, the Power of Thinking and Acting forhimself or others, and a proper force of Mind, to try how far hisAbilities can go. If this can't be brought about, and if for want ofsuch a miserable Stock of common Sense and common Virtue in _Ireland_, we are to be left to ourselves, and employ'd in doing nothing butmaking a little Linen, I can only say, we are the most negligent andneglected People under Heaven. 

SWIFT. Ah _Tom! Tom!_ what must we think of our Physicians, where ourDiseases are so dangerous and are yet so manageable, and where theRemedies are so easy and parable? Where nothing but slighting ourDisorders can make our Cure doubtful, and where they give over thePatient barely for want of being feed? What must become of a Country, where about 600, 000 _l. _ of its Rents are annually spent Abroad, by aCrowd of Parricides, which we call Absentees; where as much more isspent at home, in foreign Growths or Manufactures by _Irish_ Suicides, and the rest is laid out in Dress and Equipage, in Gaming and Drinking, and Horse-Racing, except a Pittance that is scrambled for, by ourLabourers and Workmen to buy Potatoes and Whisky, and once in a Month, half a Peck of Meal for the Children of the Nation. What will become ofa Kingdom, whose Manufactures are the Scorn of its own Inhabitants; whowill not Drink of their own Liquors, write on their own Paper, or befed with their own Bread, as I observ'd before, and can't observe toooften: Nay, where the Poor by giving into these fine Fashions, seem aswell inclin'd to destroy us as the Rich? What must become of a Nationof Beggars, and none to relieve them? What must become of a Country, where the common People make as much Interest, to be put on the List ofthe Parish Poor, and be authorized to Starve upon Charity; as theirLandlords, and 'Squires do to get a Place or a Sallary, to make amendsto them, for outrunning their Fortunes, and to appear like dignifiedBeggars, who for ruining themselves and the Nation, are Nursed at thepublick Charge, as the _Athenians_ used to keep their true Patriots, inthe _Areopagus_ on Pension, when old and reduced in their Service. 

PRIOR. Why indeed, Mr. _Dean_----

SWIFT. Indeed, _Tom_, I have not done, nor I won't be interrupted. Isay what will become of a Nation, where we are charg'd so immensely forunbuilt or ill-built Barracks, for our Soldiers which we cannot use, which we did not want; and where we won't lay out a necessary Expenceto build Houses of Correction, that wou'd force every Idler to Labour, and tho' we know that Idleness is the Seed of Rebellion? What willbecome of a Nation, where we spend immensely to ruin it, and grudgelaying out a few Shillings, or the smallest Tax to serve it, byencouraging our People to Labour and be Industrious? Where we are grownso heedless and unthinking, that our political Creed, must be as oftenrepeated in our Ears, as our Religious one, before we will take care tounderstand, or shew we believe it by our Practice? Where we are sonotoriously Dull, or so artificially Insensible, that we must be toldour true Interest a thousand Times over, before we'll regard it, orwhere those who know our true Interest best, will Sacrifice it eitherto their Vanity, Ease, Pleasure or Ambition, or at least to theirgiddy, senseless, Carelessness? What must become of a Kingdom, where weare grown so resign'd, that we no more offer to complain of thehardness of our Case, if two or three honest Gentlemen bid us hold ourTongue, than a dying Man against the Will of Heaven? Where we eitherseem to have lost the Sense of Groaning by the length of our Distemper, or by knowing from long Experience, it will be in vain; or else that wefear bawling, as in the House of Correction, will but increase theBlows, both as to Number and Smart. Where People keep their Tongues intheir Pockets, as Highway-Men do their Pistols, never to be pull'd outbut in hopes of getting Money; and where so many, of our most eminentGuardians and Representatives, command Men to be silent and quiet andbear all, as the Executioner said to Don [4]_Carlos_, when he wasstruggling to hinder his being Strangled, ''Tis for your good Don_Carlos_! be quiet, 'tis for your Good!' Nay what will become of aNation, where whoever Attempts to help it, is either mark'd out forDestruction, as I was by a certain Lord Chief Justice, or revil'd andhated. 

 [4] _The King of_ Spain_'s son put to Death privately by his Order. _

PRIOR. There _Dean_, you must give me leave to say, you certainly gotoo far, to hate our Benefactors is not in human Nature. 

SWIFT. Whether 'tis in human Nature I know not, but I am sure 'tis in_Ireland_; for I found myself hated there sincerely by differentPeople, and for different Reasons. I was actually hated, by all whocou'd help it, but would not or durst not, and by all who wou'd help itthemselves and knew not how, and abhorr'd to have it done by others. Iwas hated by all who long'd to hurt it, but as they cou'd not, detestedthose that hindered them, and by all who do not Care to have greatExamples set them, which they are not fond of following, and lastly byall who neither love any Thing or any body but themselves, theirInterests or Pleasures, and who had as believe talk of serving Heavenas their Country. Indeed the common People who come not under theseDistinctions, lov'd me well enough to Drink my Health, especially, whenI gave them the Liquor; and I doubt not wou'd have accompanied me tothe Gallows, with many a zealous Prayer, if I had been Hanged forWriting for them. But at the same Time my Character was revil'd andattack'd with a Number of scandalous Stories, and my Zeal and myPatriotism exposed to Derision; and I was so far from having any Regardshewn me by my Governors, that in a Country where Numbers get Pensionsfor nothing, and Places for Services that were never done, I was notonce offer'd any additional Preferment to my Deanery, and I scorn'd orrather detested not only to Ask, but even to Wish for it, as I vow'd toyou before. Most Nations indeed are but too apt to be thankless totheir Deliverers, but this above all others, and the _Comperit invidiamsupremo fine domari_, I found too often verified in myself and myInterests; and my Character too frequently and too barbarously insultedwhen Living; and now when I am laid in my Grave, they are grudgingtheir Half-Crowns, to raise me a Monument, that will not last as manyMonths, as I writ Pages for them. 

PRIOR. It is an Happiness, if the World proves ungrateful to the greatand excellent Persons, who serve and adorn the Age that is blest withthem, that they have a scorn for the Opinions of Men, or even theirLove or their Hatred, their Preferments, or Honours. It is but a poorSentiment of the illustrious _Xenophon_'s, 'That Praise is sweet tothose, who are Conscious they deserve it;' for on the contrary, Ibelieve most of those, who truly deserve Praise, have look'd on it asthe poorest and lowest Reward of well-doing. Great Minds who aim intheir best Actions at the Glory of their Maker, and the pleasing thatAuthor of all Good, by labouring to imitate him here below, havesuperior Views, and do not only look down with a generous Disdain onthe Applause of others, as it is really trivial and mean, but also asthey know, they never receive it pure, but dash'd with the Malice ofDetractors, and the Spleen of those little Souls, who Envy them. Asthey are Deaf to their Praise, so great Minds from their naturalSuperiority, bear the Malice of their Enemies with equal Indifference, and strive to Copy after him whom they serve, by smiling at, andover-looking the base Ingratitude of those they have done Good to. I amsensible, _Dean_, as even your Donations will survive both the Worldand your own Name, you know from whom to expect your Wages, and whenthey will be paid you; but really when one considers, what wretchedwicked, senseless, Mortals crowd this World, it wou'd make one, out ofCountenance to be actuated merely by a Love to themselves andDescendants, without any Regard to him, who has commanded us to assistand befriend them. 

SWIFT. I agree with you entirely; I have observed and studied Mankindtoo long, not to know the _animali Initus & in Cute_, and to look ontheir Service as perfect Slavery. I have lov'd some odd Men in my Time, but the whole Race in a Lump, are a dreadful Carnage of Sins andInfirmities, Errors and Failings, Reason and Passion, that make a kindof Twilight in the best Understandings, that is neither Day nor Night, Knowledge or Ignorance, Vice or Virtue; but a kind of Olio of them all. Even the highest Characters have their weak-sides, and the mostrefin'd, their Defects and their Failures, with all the Infirmitieswhich Flesh is heir to, and this World where we dwell is apt to taintMen with. Nay I must tell you in some Verses of mine, which never fellinto _Faulkner_'s Hands, _Prone to all Ill, the Flesh still warps the Soul, Hung like a Byass on the devious Bowl. This gives a worldly Cast to all we do, Tho' Patriots, Heroes, Saints, ----we're Sinners too! Tho' some quite faultless in their Lives appear, Yet chain'd to this infectious Dungeon here, Men small of Earth, like Pris'ners of their Jail, And tainted from the Womb, the best are Frail!_

This is poor Poetry, _Tom_, but they are honest Thoughts, and such(Death has taught me that Lesson) are worth all the Wit in the World. But I shall quit this Subject, to return to another fear I have for theProsperity of _Ireland_, and that is the terrible and senselessFactions, that divide our unfortunate Countrymen. The first greatDivision among them, is their Disputes about spiritual Matters, asProtestants and Papists. It is not the Danger to the State that alarmsme, for that is quite over; but the Indisposition to Unity and mutualAffection; by which means the Kingdom is lessen'd in its force andweight, while we seem to drag like a Man in a Palsy, one half of ourBody after the other, which ought to co-operate with it. 

PRIOR. I must add to what you mention, Mr. _Dean_, that it is aterrible Circumstance, to be surrounded by Catholick Neighbours, whomany of them think they wou'd do God good Service, if they extirpatedHeresy out of this Island; and therefore till we can get Priests withbetter Principles, or remove such inhuman Prejudices, by giving theirPeople better Opinions, than that they ought to persecute a Protestantwith Fire and Sword; we shall ever be a feeble disunited Nation. We tothis Hour suffer under a loss of Blood and Spirits, from former Wars, Rebellions and Massacres; but as it is probable they will every Day, beless bigotted, and as their living and conversing so much with theProtestants, and their going into their ways of Thinking and Living, has taken off the Edge of their Animosity; one wou'd hope we shall bein no Danger from such Accidents hereafter. 

SWIFT. I wish and believe it, _Tom_, in Charity; yet still theirReligion, and their superstitious Pilgrimages, Nunneries, Holidays, (aswe discoursed already) make them lazy and indolent; and their yearlyLents, and weekly Fasts, indispose if they do not disable theirlabouring Poor to Work as much as their Wants require; the spiritualTaxes which they pay their numerous Clergy, of all Denominations, whoin the Words of the Prophet, 'Eat up the Sins of the People, keep themvery low, and unable, as well as unwilling to join us in serving theNation; and their Language and Manners tho' improv'd, yet stillcontinue such a Difference between us and them, as must long keep usdisjointed, and therefore broken in our Strength as a Community. Atpresent we make a shift to live Civily together, but are so far frombeing closely United, as by Care and Management we might be; that weseem like some married Couples, to be rather yoak'd together by Law, than tied by mutual Affection. But I shall pass over this great Sourceof Dissention among us, as much as it hurts us, to take Notice ofanother ill-omen'd Circumstance to our Welfare, and that is theterrible Parties and Factions among Protestants, which also quiteenervate our Force as a Nation. I remember when I liv'd in _England_, in the four last stormy Years of Queen _Ann_'s Reign, I made a fewVerses, (tho' I never Printed them for fear of Lord _Bollinbroke_) onHigh and Low Church, which may be applied to _Ireland_ on this Occasion. 

 _For as two Sawyers in a Pit, Toiling a massy Beam to Slit, A like their Skill and Prowess show, While one draws High and t'other Low. So_ WHIG _and_ TORY, BRITAIN _tear Asunder, and her Strength impair. While Factions all their Arts renew, To cut the Nation into Two. _

This will ever weaken all Governments tho' never so strongly cementedotherwise; but in _Ireland_ it must add Ruin to our naturalInfirmities. 

PRIOR. It is very true, and yet we cherish Factions as if we were tothrive by them, tho' they prey on the Vitals of our Country, but Ibelieve there is no Nation in _Europe_, that acts so much against herown Welfare as _Ireland_, or suffers more remarkably by it. The greatMaxim of its being madness to Trust Men's Promises and Engagements, butthat we are quite safe to Trust their real Interests, seldom holds truein _Ireland_, for here you may trust Men's Words safely in most Things, but they are scarce ever to be depended on, where you wou'd imagine theInterest of the Kingdom secures them to you. It is strange to considerthe Violence also with which they Act against each other, for if somehot People had their Will, they wou'd in their Contests hang up onethird of the Nation on ill Reports, and then on the least Turn of theTide, when they cool, they are as ready to String up all their belovedInformers, as Slanderers; if that general Inclination People have tolisten to Malice, did not prevail on them to spare them. 

SWIFT. One wou'd imagine where so much Passion is shewn, that theywrangled for something very Important; but as it is observ'd, that noneare so litigious as the Poor, because they have but little to lose, soour People keep up the heat of their Parties (which if it cools, likethat of a Glass-House all Work stops) by every Trifle, by every Word, by every Doubt, that can give the least Colour for a Difference. In ahigh Sea and a weak crazy Ship, one wou'd suppose there shou'd be noDispute in the Crew, but who shou'd stop the Leaks and ply the Pumpsfastest; but we mind every Thing but our safety, which we sacrifice toour ardour for Noise and Wrangling, and prefer our Resentments to ourLives. If our great Partisans of both Sides, disputed, who shou'd servetheir Country most essentially, or who shou'd promote the Tillage orManufactures of the Kingdom in the best Manner, it wou'd make us thehappiest of Nations. This wou'd be as noble a Contention of ourDemagogues, as that of the _Horatii_ and _Curiatii_, for the Grandeurand Glory of _Rome_ and _Alba_, and wou'd end like that inReconcilement and Peace. If any Thing cou'd calm or unite us, thesingle Reflection wou'd do it, that if the joint force and weight ofthe Nation, was employ'd in pushing on its true Interests, (wheneverthey came to be debated) nothing cou'd withstand or endanger them. Butwe break our Strength, by crumbling into mean Divisions, pettyInterests and private Views; and while every one's Charity begins athome, the Publick is beggar'd and no one relieves it. The generalWelfare is quite over-look'd, while low-minded Wretches are taking Careof their particular Advantages; and I have ever observ'd that whenPlaces and Pensions and Preferments were settled, the real Business ofthe Nation and its Parties, was thought to be as providentiallyadjusted, as that of a Match between two Families, when the Portion andJointures, and Provisions for younger Children were agreed on. Inshort, _Tom_, the Misery of our Case is, that the good of our Country, like the Happiness of another Life, is oftner talk'd of for shew, thanpursued in reality. 

PRIOR. Indeed _Dean_, I have very long regarded, our Contentions andParties in this Kingdom, in the same Light you do, and that instead ofever keeping in View the great Interests of _Ireland_, Men bawl outtheir Country! their Country! and mean nothing but themselves, advancing their Leaders, and thereby securing proper Emoluments, forevery little Slave and Hireling that join with them. But what is mostsurprizing is, that while People are so cool to the Publick Interests, and to Things of the highest Importance; they are furious for Trifles, and every Imagination, every Guess, every nothing will set theirPassions in a Flame. 

SWIFT. I have often lamented that Circumstance, as to this poor Island. In truth, _Tom_, our Divisions and Factions here, are frequently assilly as those of two Gamesters, who tho' they play for nothing, willQuarrel dreadfully about cutting and dealing the Cards, and winning theGame. I am asham'd to say it, but the Contests and brawling of Childrenat their Push-pin, are sometimes substantial Things, to the Jangles andFeuds, I have known our Parties on some Occasions contend about, andalas! all we get by it, is to give our Enemies Pleasure, and ourFriends Despair, while they see our wretched Country, quite forgot inthe Squabble, and nothing but Power and Places, private Gain and sordidInterests attended to. But I will dwell no longer on this melancholySubject, which looks so ill for this poor Kingdom, and I will now go toanother Topick, in which the Conduct of our Countrymen is altogether asblameable, and is as fatal a Proof of their Coldness to the publickInterests; and that is their strange Neglect in finishing our NorthrenCanal, and completing our Collieries in _Tyrone_. 

PRIOR. I can never think of the scandalous Mismanagements in both thoseAffairs, without Shame and Concern. They are a Disgrace to our Country, either as to the Honesty or the Skillfulness of the Undertakers, as todifferent Parts of the Works relating to the Canal, and also as to theconducting the Design, and disbursing the Money employed on theCollieries. 

SWIFT. We are not only the slowest Thinkers of what will do us Good, but we are the most slothful also, in bringing such Thoughts intoExecution. The _Newry_ Canal has been carried on, under the Sanction ofan Act of Parliament, and the Superintendance of the Navigation-boardabove twenty Years: And tho' in _Holland_, such a Work wou'd have beenfinish'd in half the Time, and by superior Skill, Oeconomy, andHonesty, at half the Expence; yet, after laying out immense Sums, thereare still many Thousands wanting to make it a truly finish'd Affair. Aswith much ado we found out, that our own Hills abounded with thenoblest Coal in the World, and that our Poverty forced us to consider, that we paid on an Average about 60000 _l. _ a Year for _Whitehaven_Coal, the Nation at last undertook making the Canal from _Lough Neagh_, to the Sea, in Hopes they wou'd turn that vast Drain of Money, when wecou'd stop it, to better Purposes at home. Accordingly great Funds wereassigned it, and an infinite Number of Hands and Heads (or People thatwore Heads) employed on it for a long Space of Time; and yet after vastSputter, erring and re-erring, correcting and re-correcting, andexpending near 60000 _l. _ the Work is far from being compleated; norcan we yet say we are secure of our Canal or our Coal. Much has beenpromis'd, and yet by Mismanagements or Misfortunes, and differentObstacles, little has been done to answer the Expectations that wereraised; and tho' we were assured we shou'd in a few Years have at least20000 Ton of Coals brought every Year to _Dublin_, to help our Poor, wehave not yet got 500. 

PRIOR. I cannot account for the Disappointment, and it well deservesthe Nation's Enquiry. If, as I heard good Judges say, the Work couldhave been finish'd in five Years Time, what have we lost, who for thelast fifteen Years, have paid such vast Sums to _Whitehaven_, that wemight have saved? And how much better had we managed, had we laid outdouble what it has cost us at the first, and cut short both our Lossand our Trouble?

SWIFT. Very true; but instead of this, they have, with true _Irish_Policy, contrived to give large Sallaries to some Favourites to carryon the Work, and thus, in Effect, brib'd them to delay the Undertakingthey were hired to finish. Thus these Plotters against themselves sinkthis noble, generous Design, into a low, miserable Job, and instead ofassisting the Kingdom, they provide for five or six Families, that livecomfortably on protracting the Execution. If the Colliery Company, whose Interest it is to finish the Canal, wou'd undertake thecompleting it, and fix the Terms with the Navigation-Board, we shou'dsoon see the Matters well mended; but till that is done, we shall getnothing but half-work for double Time, and treble Charges. 

PRIOR. The Board will take Care of it; but though they shou'd exertthemselves ever so warmly, in finishing the Canal, we can never hopefor the Coal, unless the Nation makes a Waggon-Way of about 5000 Yardsto the River; and as this will cost as many thousand Pounds, we mustwait at least a Summer or two for that, in case the Parliament shou'dgenerously add this small Sum to all their former Bounties. When Iconsider, that this Kingdom loses so immensely every Year, that we wantour Canal and our Coals, it makes me uneasy to think, we are after somany Years disputing about them, when we ought to be enjoying them; butas the remaining Part of the Expence, to finish this noble Design, isquite inconsiderable, compared to the Benefit we expect from it; and asthe Nation must not be trifled with any longer, I hope we shall see itsoon compleated. For some Years it has had the good Fortune, to beconducted through many Obstacles, under the Direction of a Prelate[5], to whose Skill and Zeal, whenever the Canal succeeds, _Ireland_ isdeeply indebted, and will be forever oblig'd on that Account, tomention his Name with Honour. This is an encouraging Circumstance, andthis further Hope of its Success, is left us, that it is now in theHands of the natural Guardians of our Country, the Parliament; and asthey well know what a vast Influence cheap or dear Coals have on manyof our Manufactures, they will never let us be much longer deprived ofthis Blessing, which we expect from their Zeal to relieve all the Wantsof _Ireland_. 

 [5] _His Grace of Tuam. _

SWIFT. They need not be told, (though however if I was alive I wouldtell them of it) that if it cost us 20000 _l. _ more, the Design welldeserves it; and if it took a much larger Sum, it wou'd be a cheapPurchase of 60000 _l. _ _per Annum_ saved to _Ireland_, which will beunquestionably the Case in a few Years. After having been suchSpendthrifts so long, it looks like Impudence for us to talk of saving;but as Sickness is sometimes the Cause of Health, so Misfortunes andMisconduct may force us to be happy. It seems impossible, that eitherour Canal, or our Collieries, can any longer be delayed or neglected, and much less left in utter Danger of miscarrying, as I know it was forsome Time; but I must say, it is a Grief to every Friend of _Ireland_, and a Satire on our Understandings, as well as our public Spirit, thatwe were so long in discovering such a Leak, and afterwards so tediousin stopping it up. If we were not a Nation as much made for Plunder, assmaller Animals are for Prey, we should long since have remedied thisand many other Evils; but 'tis our peculiar Lot, to starve, like ourold Friend _Tantalus_, with the Meat at our Mouths, to want Bread withthe richest Fields in _Europe_ under our Feet, and to want Fire withthe noblest Mountains of Coals before our Eyes. 

PRIOR. To see our Errors is one good Step to remove them; and if onceour Legislature sets vigorously about proper Methods and Remedies forall our Distresses, there is Hope that their Zeal may make Things takea happier Turn, for this poor Kingdom. 

SWIFT. I wish I may see such a blessed Change in our Affairs, butSeasons and Aspects are a little unpromising; and what discourages methe more is, another dreadful Quality of our People, that of theirbeing so ready to desert and forsake their Country, which they leave assillily as Birds quit their Nests, upon every little Fright orDisturbance, or just to gratify a wandering Humour, and to chuse aSituation they like better. Our Noblemen and Gentlemen leave us forPleasure and Amusement, and our Poor for Bread and Wages, which wecannot or will not provide them at home; and some run off for mereSafety, as they see our Distresses, and fly from us by the same sort ofInstinct that Rats forsake a falling House. Thus a Family where theMaster first deserts the Children, and then the Servants follow hisExample, can hardly be reduced to a worse Condition than we are, bythis epidemical Madness of wandering to _England_. Though the greatGain she makes by their residing there, will never allow her to drivethem back to us, yet one wou'd expect the very Contempt and Neglectthey meet with there, wou'd make them return to a Country, where theywou'd be so much honour'd, and where they well know they are so muchwanted. At the same Time I make no doubt, if the old Statutes, whichpunish'd all Absentees with the Forfeiture of their Lands here, were tobe revived, and they were thereby obliged, to improve the Industry, Arts and Manufactures of our People, _England_ wou'd in Time receivegreat Advantages by the Change. Mean while they, and all the Earth, seethe Destruction they bring on us, by their deserting us in soungenerous a Manner; and tho' the Cause and the Cure are so evident, itavails us no more, than the Knowledge of his Distemper does the poorWretch that lies a dying. If they stay'd with us, and help'd us, weshou'd soon recover our natural Strength of Constitution, and becomeboth an industrious and an important People; whereas now, we are almosta Cypher in the active and commercial World, and a mere Appendix toanother Nation; while, like ill-coupled Hounds, by drawing differentWays, we sometimes rather disturb than help one another. If I had Hopesto get a Law pass'd, to burn every Clergyman who does not reside, tohang every Gentleman, and behead every Nobleman, who desert theirCountry for their Amusement, I wou'd even be content to return to theWorld, and sollicit Votes for it; but without taking up the Burden ofLife again, I shou'd feel Joy in my Grave, to have their Estatessaddled with a constant Tax as a Fine for Absence. How lightly soeverGentlemen regard this Desertion of their native Soil, it is certainly aCrime no good or great Mind can be capable of: And the Officer whoquits his Quarters, or the Sailor who forsakes his Ship, do not betterdeserve to be mulk'd in their Pay than they do. 

PRIOR. I think it a little odd, Mr. _Dean_, that while we see ourCountrymen deserting us so generally, and lament it so loudly, we yettake such Measures as if we thought they did not go away fast enough;and therefore send off our Criminals, to labour, and breed, and enrich_America_. Tho' this wretched Island is the most improvable, and theleast improved Part of the habitable Earth, we drive away from us ourFelons, though, if we kept them confin'd to hard Labour, the Kingdomwou'd receive all the Profit of their Work, and by this Means aconverted Criminal, like a penitent Sinner, wou'd be of more Use, and abetter Man, than if he had never transgressed at all. 

SWIFT. There may be some ill Consequences in that Method of punishingFelons, as well as some good ones; for in a Complication of Disorders, such as _Ireland_ labours under, what helps the one is pernicious tothe other. It is our peculiar Misery, that the Desertion of some of ourPeople does not hurt us more, than the Sleepiness, the Inactivity andHeedlessness of those that stay behind. Many of our common _Irish_ knowas little of the Benefits of useful Labour, as the Savages in the _WestIndies_; and are more inclined to live by Theft and Rapine, than byusing their Hands and toiling their Bodies. Nay, Crowds of ourGentlemen are as indolent (as we observed on another Occasion) as theirSlaves are lazy; and seem as unwilling to improve their Estates, as ifthey thought their Tenures were as uncertain, and as subject to Change, as ever their Ancestors found them. At present, there are few Kingdomsin _Europe_, where the Titles to them are so indisputably settled asthey are in _Ireland_, and yet they improve more in _France_, where alldepends on the King's Will, than in _Ireland_, where the Property ofthe Subject is so impregnably secured by the Laws. Of such Force is theGenius of a Nation in regulating our Manners, and forming our Customs. I assure you, dear _Tom_, I could name Crowds of our _Irish_ Gentlemen, that wou'd double their Estates, if they would live on them, and ditchthem, and drain them, and build them, and plant them, with half theSkill and Application of a rich sensible Farmer in _England_; nay, Iknow some of them that are so situated, that they would quadruple theirRents in some Years, if they wou'd build Towns, and set up Manufactureson them with proper Care. There are few of them that have not beforetheir Eyes (if they wou'd open them) Instances of these Things in everyCounty, and yet are no more influenced by it, than if there was no moreEncouragement for Arts or Industry, thinking or working, in thisIsland, than there is in _Borneo_ or _Madagascar_. 

PRIOR. There are many Reasons to be assigned, for this great Mistake inthe Conduct of some of our _Irish_ Gentlemen, Mr. _Dean_, if we wantedto examine into these Matters; but as to what you was saying, as totheir neglecting to live, and plant, and build on their Estates, I havewondered, since we cannot hope to get a Law to force our Absenteeshome, that we don't make one to oblige all Gentlemen, to build and keepin Repair one Mansion-house on their Lands, of such and suchDimensions, with proper Offices, suitable to their Incomes. If thistook in even Freeholders of 20 or 30 _l. _ a Year, throughout theKingdom, it would have a great Effect, and encrease the Number of ourInhabitants, in this deserted Country, as well as the King's Revenue, by many thousand additional Hearths, and comfortable Places ofResidence. At the same Time, I cannot see one Objection to so useful aLaw, but that nobody would get by it but the Public, and that manyprivate Gentlemen and Absentees wou'd be forced to be useful to us andtheir Families whether they wou'd or no, which wou'd probably bethought a terrible Hardship by some People. 

SWIFT. Why, _Tom_, I cannot but say, such a Law wou'd be of great Usein so naked a Country as this, where one wou'd imagine many of us weredescended from the Ringleaders in the Building the Tower of _Babel_;and that by their being then punished, for meddling too much in Stoneand Morter, we have contracted an Aversion to all Building ever since;but whenever such a Law is to be pass'd, I could wish they wou'd addanother to it, that wou'd not only build our Country, but plant itsurprisingly too. 

PRIOR. And pray what Law is it? For I am ready, like some good Patriots(who get others to think for them) to vote for it, right or wrong; nay, before I know what it is, since so good a Friend proposes it. 

SWIFT. Why, my Act of Parliament is enough to frighten all goodProtestants, and is to impower every Landlord, notwithstandingSettlements, to set Leases for ever, of ten or twenty Acres, even toPapists, at the full reserved Rent, who wou'd build good Houses ofStone and Lime, of such and such Dimensions, and inclose and plant anOrchard and Garden of at least one Acre, and keep them in Repair, onpain of voiding the Tenure. This wou'd, in a few Years, increase theNumber of our Houses and Orchards prodigiously; and the more as ourNatives are very fond of having Lands and Tenements in their ownCountry, and are willing to give this Pledge of their Allegiance, whichso many of them, for Want of such Ties, sit too loose in. I am sensiblewhat an Outcry, many honest Gentlemen wou'd make to this Law; but I amsure it wou'd improve our Country to an high Degree; nor do I see whatshou'd hinder us to allow Papists to purchase Lands, (and especiallythe old forfeited Lands) to a limited Value, and without allowing thema Vote, provided they built and inclosed them in proportion to theEstate: But who can bear to throw away their Thoughts on a Nation, thatmind their own Dreams and Habits of Thinking more than the Reasoningsof others; who cannot be prevailed on to set up new Manufactures, atthe Instances and Exhortations of a Lord Lieutenant, nay, not at theAdvice, and, shall I add, even the Entreaties of that illustriousPatriot and Friend to _Ireland_, my Lord _Ch----d_. 

PRIOR. You mean the making Paper here, which that Nobleman, with a Zealequal to his Understanding, honoured me with so many Letters about; andtook so much Pains, with many useful Friends of our Country, to geteffectually established in _Ireland_. 

SWIFT. I do; and I want to vent my Spleen, in abusing my Countrymen, for the inconsiderable Progress which has been made in so excellent aDesign. Certainly, though we have made some Advances that Way, if wehad carried them on with the least Share of that Nobleman's Spirit, weshou'd have brought it to much greater Perfection than we have done. Even with what little Care and Encouragement we have bestowed on it, ifwe continue to cultivate it, we may expect in some Years to improve itso far, as to be able to export large Quantities, and see it swell andincrease, in proportion to the great Material for it, our Linen. But, as if we were afraid too many Arts wou'd enrich us too fast, or take upmore Hands than we cou'd spare; we have given this useful Undertakingso little Assistance, that it has by no means made the Advances wecou'd have expected from it; and we have just left it, like a lovelyexotic Flower, to live or die at the Mercy of an unfavourable Season, and a wintry Climate. This puts our Giddiness, in overlooking everyoffered Advantage, and our Supineness as to all Attempts to improve ourCircumstances, in a very indifferent Light; we wear better Linen, andmore of it, than most of our neighbouring Kingdoms, (our Numbers andPoverty fairly considered) nay, and we wear them to Rags too, and yetwe will not save those Rags for the Paper-mill; nor will we, when theyare turned into Paper, buy it, while we can purchase better and dearerfrom _France_ and _Holland_. In short, we are a People, _Tom_, miserable amidst a Crowd of Opportunities to be happy, for Want of alittle Activity and Management, a little Sobriety and Care; and one ofthe most alleviating Circumstances of my Death was, my being deliveredfrom the Torment, of endeavouring to serve _Ireland_ to no Purpose. 

PRIOR. Indeed, Mr. _Dean_, I cannot but allow there is too much Truthin many of your Attacks and Abuses of our unfortunate Countrymen; andyet I am tempted to return to my old Reveries, and to think, notwithstanding all their Disadvantages, if I had lived ten Yearslonger in _Ireland_, I shou'd have been able to have made vastAlterations among them for the better. 

SWIFT. No, _Tom_, not if you had lived longer than _Methuselah_. Consider, Man, tho' there are Remedies for the Sick, and Helps for theDying, there are none for the Dead; and in that Light, I have been usedto consider _Ireland_ of a long Time. But prithee, _Tom_, let me knowthe whole of your Scheme; What wou'd you have done?

PRIOR. Why, if you will hear me calmly, Mr. _Dean_, I will give you afair Account of what I wou'd have attempted at least, and to open allmy Heart to you, that was one of the main Subjects I called at yourTomb to talk to you on, to see if we could get any of these Crawlers onthe Earth to attempt it, by oar artfully suggesting it to him. Inshort, my Project was, by procuring greater and more numerousSubscriptions, and by extending and enlarging the Plan of the _Dublin_Society, to have promoted more than ever the general Good of theKingdom. 

SWIFT. You might as well Talk to most People, of the general Good of_Japan_. I have told you already they have no Notions of such Things:Their Thoughts, their Taste, their Passions have another Turn. Did youexpect to get more from those, who think too much is given already?Why, Man, do you forget the Pains, the Application, the Time, and theExpence, it cost an old Gentleman of our Acquaintance, to procure thefirst Subscriptions? Recollect also, that after such plain, visible, good Effects were seen by the whole Kingdom, what Numbers of those, whoseemed to subscribe with Zeal, withdrew their Subscriptions; and thenconsider what Success you could have of obtaining larger and morenumerous Contributions. 

PRIOR. I am but too sensible, there would be some Difficulty in it, Mr. _Dean_; but, cold and dead as most Men are, to all great and generousAttempts to serve us, I know by Experience, that there are yet left in_Ireland_ a few chosen Spirits, who wou'd have concurr'd in such aDesign, and who had Hearts and Fortunes suited to the Task, and almostequal to the Burthen. But happen what would, I am sure, I should havegot some reasonable additional Subsidies; and though possibly theywould have been too small to answer my Purpose; yet, still, I should atleast, have pav'd the Way for some happier Man who would have comeafter me; and I should have the Comfort to think, that my too eagerZeal to serve others, and disserve myself, could not give greatOffence; especially, as Men are not likely to meet Impertinences ofthis Kind, every Day. This I am confident of, that the Use andAdvantage which that Society, (blessed be God) has been of to_Ireland_, will secure a large adventitious Fund to her hereafter; andtho' by the Arts of evil Men, it may be damped, or dropped for someYears, there never will be wanting, worthy Spirits in the risingGeneration, who will remember how happily, that Society was set up andsupported, by a few active Gentlemen; and, that it may be restoredagain, and an adequate Fund provided for it, by the same Resolution andZeal. But, after all, Mr. _Dean_, I make little Question (if I hadlived, to apply for larger Subscriptions) I should not have beendisappointed; and, if I had succeeded, _Ireland_ should have had Causeto remember my good Fortune. 

SWIFT. Alas! _Tom_, your Hopes were over-heated, I fear; though thereare many Squanderers, there are few Givers in _Ireland_ and even amongthose few, the greater Part instead of giving their Benefactions whilethey live, and can see them well applied; are laid in their Graves, before their Donations are of use to the Living; for People only bestowtheir Substance to others, as they do their old Cloathes to theirServants, when they can use them no longer. This, makes me fear, _Tom_, you would have got in few Contributions, among our own Countrymen. Alas! _Tom_, we seem to keep our Repentance for the Time past, and ourCharity for the Future; but the poor present Time, is sacrificed to themeanest Avarice, the falsest Pleasures, or, the lowest Ambition;without any Care of the general Welfare of our Country, or one socialWish for the Happiness of our People. 

PRIOR. I allow all this would hold true, if the great and admirableEffects of the Society's Præmiums, did not make it highly probable, that I should have prevailed with several of our worthiest Countrymen, to have assisted so great and so successful an Undertaking. When Mensee they have it in their Power, if they will join together, to delivertheir Country from all its calamitous Distresses; and to be themselvesthe Sources of infinite Blessings to Millions yet unborn, their Handsrebell against their Hearts, and even Misers learn to be bounteous. Iam not ignorant, how much Men are under the Influence of their lowestand poorest Passions, yet still I am of Opinion, as Stingy as theygenerally are, if they evidently saw, where they could do much Good bytheir Benefactions, we should have more of them in the World than wehave. 

SWIFT. I doubt, _Tom_, you mistake that Matter egregiously, for nineTenths of our Donations, I fear, proceed more from our Vanity than ourVirtue. Numbers give, as our great Master tells us, to be seen of Men;and for that Reason, probably, it is, that there are so few secretCorbans offered up to Heaven, and not to the World; and if this be so, 'tis plain, that People give more for the Ostentation of having given, than the good they hope to get done by it, and therefore you must havemet with few generous Subscribers. 

PRIOR. I cannot approve of your Thoughts on this Point, nay, on thecontrary, I am confident most People give for the heavenly Joy ofgiving, and the seeing much Good likely to be the Consequence of theirBounty; and from the same Way of Thinking, where there is little Hopeof such Consequences, Men give more coldly and illiberally. I will alsoadd, that the perceiving, how unskilfully (and thereforeunsuccessfully) many bestow their Alms, is the Death of Charity, andthe great Obstacle to generous Donations in others. It grieves me tosay, that I have often observed, that too few give with Judgment. 

 _Perdere multi sciunt, donare pauci. _

And Numbers, through an ill concerted generosity, do not half the Goodthey might do, if they appropriated their Gifts with proper Skill, andknew the happy Art of giving. But giving largely to the _Dublin_Society, has not one Objection against it, and answers every End thehuman Soul can ask for, when it scatters the Dung of the Earth, toenrich the World. You well know, _Dean_, to give even to an usefulPurpose, which ends with the Occasion that calls for it, falls short ofthose Charities, which extends their Views to future Ages; andtherefore, to assist Societies, that are contriving for the Welfare ofNations, is a nobler Donation, than relieving private Wants that dieaway with the Person relieved. I will go yet further, Mr. _Dean_, sinceI have touch'd on this Topick, and assert, that to give, where Virtueand Industry are the Consequence of the Benefaction, you must allow isof higher Use, than relieving Distresses, which have been occasioned byVice or Extravagance, and may probably end in them. Nay, to give undersuch Conditions, as must inevitably draw in others, to join in yourCharity, and enlarge your Hopes of serving Mankind, is of the greatestUse; as it brings in Crowds to co-operate with you, and vastly out-doyour Benefactions; and to give to a Plan of Charity, which is as likelyto encrease as a River, the farther it goes, is of yet greater Service, than to give where their Subscription Ends like a Shower of Rain, inwatering the Earth for a Moment, and vanishes with the next Sun. Lastly, to give to a few, and yet to make Numbers industrious andlaborious, in Hopes of receiving your Bounty, though they never obtainit, is of yet more Weight and Importance; and this is plainly the Caseof all Præmiums, where they are faithfully distributed. Now, all theseConsiderations accompany every Subscription to my enlarged Plan, andthence I was apt to flatter myself I should be successful, if I hadliv'd to apply for them. 

SWIFT. Well, I shall drop any Dispute on that Point: But, pray, _Tom_, be a little more minute in explaining your Views, and let me know ifyou had many large additional Subscriptions, how would you have appliedthem?

PRIOR. Why, I cannot enter into a long Detail of every Particular, butI would in General, have doubled the Præmiums of most of the Articles, which the Society has yet promoted, and in some of the most importantImprovements and Manufactures, I would have trebled them. By thisMeans, it is hardly credible, what a Progress we should make, in allthose Subjects of Husbandry and manual Arts in a few Years; and how weshould work up the Industry and Skill of our People, by every Incentivethat Profit or Glory could give them. I formerly reckoned up manyArticles which I may probably seem tedious in repeating now, but youwill make Allowances for my Fondness and Folly, as you know Mr. _Dean_;a Lover would as soon be tired with dwelling on the Praises of hisMistress, as I can be with naming the Things, or the Methods by which Iflattered myself I could have served poor _Ireland_. The reflecting onthem made my Life pleasant to me when upon Earth, and the Remembranceof them, sweetens my Grave to me; and therefore, though you may thinkthem but Dreams, allow me the Pleasure of repeating them. I say, then, with the highest Joy of Heart, that the enlarging and improving ourneglected Tillage, the encouraging and heightening our old decayingManufactures, and the setting up new ones should have been the greatCare of my Life, and the extending the Force and Use of the Society, when thus advanced to its Manhood, beyond what the Weakness andInexperience of its infantine State could perform. I would have nursedup Crowds of Orphan Arts, and as they grew up, and could shift forthemselves, I would have wean'd them, and brought a new Succession ofothers in their Place, as far as the Narrowness of the Fund would allowme. I would have brought over foreign Workmen of all Trades andProfessions; I would have set up Glass Manufactures of all Kinds nearour Collieries; I would have established our Earthen-Ware in the mosteffectual Manner, and if possible (by bringing over Hands from_Birmingham_) I would have improved our Hard-ware to such a Degree ofPerfection as to stop that terrible Drain of our Cash. I had alsodesigned to allow large Encouragements to bring over Foreigners forimproving our Silk and Thread Bone-lace for enlarging our Paper andSugar Business, which would be a Saving of many thousand Pounds everyYear to _Ireland_. 

SWIFT. Here is a fine Bundle of Hopes for a Man in Despair to livecomfortably on! But pray now _Tom_, have you done reckoning up all yourmighty Projects to make _Ireland_ another _Utopia_? I am almost at theEnd of my Patience, for to say Truth, _Tom_, the List of the Ships in_Homer_'s Iliad is not more tedious. 

PRIOR. Why, Mr. _Dean_, to teize you as little as I can, I will drop aNumber of others, and only touch cursorily on the Advancement of ourSilk Manufactures of every Kind, as well as our Tapestry. I would haveencouraged our Salt-works, and our Ship-building, and I would have seton Foot a Society, to have set up and directed our Fisheries both inthe North and South Coasts of this Island. If I durst take in smallerMatters, I would have set up an experimental Farm and Garden, and inTime allowed a Salary for a Professor in Agriculture, which _Columella_you know so much laments the Want of, and I would have given an yearlyPræmium of 100 _l. _ for the best annual Invention in Arts andHusbandry, as much for the best Book yearly in any of the Sciences, andthe same for the best _English_ Poem; as Nations are apt to judge ofeach other's Genius and Talents (I will not say how justly) by thePerformances they produce this Way. Nay, Mr. _Dean_, I would haveadvis'd a Præmium of at least 100 _l. _ annually, to be given by theSociety for the best Picture, and also, as much for the best Piece ofSculpture, or Statue; as these two Arts have ever been consider'd asthe chief Marks and Characteristics of a polite and sensible Nation, and have always flourish'd where ever Arts or Learning have beenencouraged. I had Thoughts of stopping the vast drain of our People to_America_, by hiring Ships which trade thither, to bring back every_Irishman gratis_, who disliked the Country, and would rail at it whenhe got Home. Nay, I had even Thoughts of printing a Collection inFolio, of all the best _Irish_ Pamphlets, or at least, of all the bestHints in them, relating to the Service of our Country. I would havedone my utmost to have gotten the best and noblest Members of theSociety (as great and good Men communicate Virtue to their Friends asthe Loadstone invigorates the Needle it touches) to have petitioned theParliament for sumptuary Laws, for Hospitals in every County Town, forestablishing a national Bank, for illuminating our Coasts, withLight-houses as carefully as our Streets with Lamps; for applying tohis Majesty for a Mint for our Copper and Silver Coinage, and also forhardening it to prevent its wearing; as well as for forming Canals forassisting our inland Navigation, and for working up our Collieries, andopening those hidden Treasures our Mines. I would have promoted byjudicious Præmiums. ----

SWIFT. Hold! Stop! Where is the Man going? Are you sailing in Quest ofthe North-West Passage to make a short Cut to Wealth and Trade of yourown imagining? You boddered me enough with many of these Articlesalready, and do you expect I can be as little tired with them as youare? Whenever you enter upon this Subject, you run on, Head foremost, like a mad Hound on the Road, without minding what's before you; weakMen, I find, tho' they cannot Think without Talking, can Talk withoutThinking. Was there ever such a Hodge-Podge of Reveries, mustered up bya living Author, to say nothing of a dead one, that should have alittle more Sense? Why there is not in all _Bedlam_, a Man so absurdlydistracted by an Over-load of Projects. You are a sweet Politicianindeed, _Tom_, and just as fit to conquer Nations as to mend them. Whatenthusiastical Delusions stuff thy Noddle? Will you never remember_mundus vult vadere quo vult_ and be satisfied to leave the World tohim that made it, and Kingdoms to those he has appointed to governthem? These high flown Whims of yours, are just as practicable, as_Archimedes_ his moving the Earth out of its Place, and it provokes meto hear such impossible Projects declaim'd on by such a Visionary, sucha Stockjobber in Politicks!

PRIOR. You try my Temper too far, I neither can nor will bear yourinsolent contemptuous Way of conversing, or your opprobrious provokingLanguage. If you attack my favourite Foible with such Acrimony, youmust expect I will not spare some of yours: As for your sneering at myPoliticks, I own I never was a Politician, nor did I ever set up forone. I had too rational an Head, I thank Heaven, and too honest anHeart, to allow me to make any great Progress that Way. And now, Mr. _Dean_, I must tell you very frankly, I never saw or heard any eminentProofs of your extraordinary Skill as a Politician, except a vast Crowdof Pamphlets; And what are they but the mere Cobwebs of Politicks, thatowe their Birth to the House being neglected, and are all swept awaywhen it is clean'd? You was a pretty good Patriot, but you had so muchof the Politician, the next to taking Care of others, you loved to takeCare of yourself, and all possible Care too. You kept a good Byass onyour Bowl to get near the Jack at long run and secure a Mitre; and tho'when you were disappointed, you furiously attack'd the Ministry andpleaded your Country's Cause with due Resentment; yet even then, yourRevenge when over-tired, slept like an Hare with its Eyes open, thatwhile you watch'd for the publick Good, you should not overlook yourown. Besides, let me tell you _Dean_, if you will be taunting, that ifthe political Secrets of the latter End of the Queen's Reign weredetected, you would be found as rank a Jacobite as many Authors inthose Days represented you to the World. 

SWIFT. I think you have borrowed some of their sort of Spite, for youseem to be in a great Fury with little Reason for it. But I must tellyou, Sir, though those Authors were ever mistaken when they called me a_Jacobite_, I never was in the wrong when I called them Fools. As foryour political Secrets, let me be allowed to set you right, for Iassure you there are no such Things in _England_. Men are such sievishleaky Mortals there, that they can't conceal even their own Rogueries;for political Secrets told to _Britons_, tho' under Vows of Secrecy, are like Bonds for great Sums seal'd in private, but Judgment is soonenter'd up in the public Offices; and all the World knows in a tricewhat has pass'd. As for the kind Hints those Writers Honoured me with, I assure you, Sir, I despised them as sincerely as your Anger now. Their Talents were incapable of hurting any but themselves, andtherefore I forgave them, as the Law pardons Children and Ideots. It istrue, where their Spite appeared very invenom'd, I took other Measures;for then, as the Statute speaks of Boys, _Malitia suplet ætatem_(Malice supplies their Want of Age) and I pepper'd them offnotwithstanding their Folly, to frighten silly Scribblers from playingwith such edg'd Tools again. But after all, what were their Worksagainst me, but a mere hot Hash of cold Meat, of fifty half readpolitical Authors, and unknown common-place Party-Writers, mix'd upwith common Reports, and a few insipid lifeless Scraps of their owntasteless Trash and factious Venom. 

PRIOR. We that are dead and love Truth, know that most Books, andespecially Party Books are made like their Paper of old Scraps and Ragspickt up here and there; but however, their Works in those Days pleasedthe World, had an infinite number of Applauders, and made yousufficiently jealous of the Talents of their Authors. 

SWIFT. I jealous! I detest, I renounce the Thought! I was never jealousof any Man but my self, lest I should fall short of that Glory, which Iknew I had gained, and feared I might lose again. I ever judg'd when aMan has wrote a good Book, he should Stop as _Jupiter_ did when hebegot _Hercules_, left his next Production, should be found vastlybeneath the former; and therefore I was as suspicious of my scriblingTemper, as Physicians say an over-fed Glutton should be of his Finger'sEnds. But I scorn'd my Antagonists too much, to be jealous of them, oreven to be Angry with them; for tho' they abused me very Generally andvery Grosly, my chief Delight was, that they never reviled me so muchas when I was in my greatest Glory, as Dogs never are so apt to Bark atthe Moon, as when she is at the Full. Besides, let me tell you, testySir, with the old Poet _Nomina mille, mille nocendi Artes_. 'Tis soeasy to be malicious, and at the same time so mean, that true Worthnever Triumphs so eminently over its Enemies, as when they expose theirWeakness and Envy by reviling it. It is true, many Scriblers busiedthemselves with Criticising and Decrying my Works; but they were so farfrom disturbing me, I made the best Use of them, by improving myProductions; for Criticks to good Writers, are like their own Dust toDiamonds, good for nothing but just to polish them, and them only. IJealous! No really, Sir, there was no Occasion for it; the very Wit ofmy Writings kept all the laughing Part of Mankind on my Side, and Inever lived in any Times where reasoning was much regarded by thecommon Herd of Readers or Talkers. 

PRIOR. A pretty Confession for an Author, Truly! and yet since you havestirred my Gall, I must tell you, that we may say of the brightest ofyour Writings, what I said in one of my Exercises at School of Mr. _Cowlry_. 

 _With all the Graces, all the Faults of Wit, You both adorn'd and blemisht all you writ. _

I am sure you had often such a quick running hand way of thinking, thatyou frequently left your meaning behind you. But I am not angry enoughto make any severe Remarks of my own, on the numerous Tracts you gavethe World; but there was one Objection every one agreed in, and thatwas your banishing Divinity out of all your Compositions, and indeedout of your Conversation; so that it should seem Mr. _Dean_, if I amsuch a wretched Politician as you say, I may as fairly and more trulytell you, that you have not shewn your self a very able Divine. 

SWIFT. I smile at the Weakness of the Objection, but I am quitedelighted with the Malice of it. Let me tell you, Sir, I had somethingelse to do with my Divinity, than filling Pamphlets with it to makemadmen Merry, and wisemen Sick. There is a Decency, or shall I rathersay a Chastity in Writing or Thinking on such exalted Subjects, thatgreat Minds are apt to Cherish, which keeps them Cautious andDiffident, where weak Men are as bold and as rash (to use an homelyPhrase) as a blind Mare in a Mire. I have known many silly Preachers, and paperscull'd Writers in my Time, that were troubled with theDivinity Squirt, and were forc'd to print, or to be tormented with theCholick, or foul themselves; and so they exposed their Nakedness to theWorld, with all their Rhapsodies of dreaming Thoughts, borrowed Sense, and hearsay Learning. I was none of those High Dutch Inkshiters assomebody calls them; and instead of sending my Religion to the Press tomake other Men frantick, I kept mine at home to keep my self Sober. Asto the rest of your Objection, Sir, I must confess I did not talk muchof Divinity, nor did I love to hear others bring it into Conversation;for it was always my Opinion, that tho' Divinity and Piety are at homein the Church and the Closet, yet every where else they are used asStrangers, and should be treated with the highest Respect and Ceremony. The Practice Men have fallen into, of over-writing and over-talkingthemselves on such Subjects, has done and is doing such harm in theWorld, that I wonder it has not been hist out of it; but there are somePersons so fond of haranguing, declaiming and setting out their Noiseto the Crowd, that if they wrote on Geometry or Algebra, they wouldflourish and use Tropes and Figures to shew their Parts and theirEloquence, and so in spite of all Advice and Experience, Divinity andReligion must be bother'd out of their Senses by Praters and Scriblersand half Thinkers. 

But prithee _Tom_, let my Divinity alone. Why should you strive to vexme by throwing Dirt at me now, tho' you know I was never disturbed bysuch impotent Petulance, when I was above Ground; or else I hadRevilers enough to make me as Sick of _Ireland_, after all the ServiceI had done it by my Pen, as ever King _William_ was of _England_, afterhe had delivered it by his Sword. But let us put an End to this uglyBrawl, which even the Passion and Impudence of the living might blushat. It is a shame _Tom_, for old Friends to Quarrel for such miserableTrifles, and for the dead to grow so angry at them; puts us in as bad aLight, as the half-witted Fools that are still crawling on the Earth. Prithee be calm and cool as the Grave ought to make you, and let usagree to drop this fit of ill Humour, and I shall make you a Proposalthat I hope will give you the highest Pleasure. If you will lay asideyour Resentment for my abusing your Schemes, I will offer you one, thatif ever it comes to be embraced, will make _Ireland_ one of thefortunate Islands. 

PRIOR. Make me Master of that important Secret, and convince me of itsbeing probable and practicable, and my anger is over in an Instant, like an Infant's. Dear _Dean_, you rejoyce my Heart with the very hintyou have dropt, and let me beg of you to communicate the whole to me. 

SWIFT. Why my Scheme is entirely bottom'd on that happy one of yourSociety's Premiums but so completely secur'd from my old Objection ofthe narrowness and uncertainty of its Fund, as to make the force of theEngine quite equal to the Work 'tis designed for. No one can have anhigher Opinion than I of the salutary Effects, which publick andhonorary Rewards have on the human Mind; and above all, when theSociety's Fund does not depend on Charities given by Scraps and casualHelps quite inadequate to her extended Views, but on the publick Faith, and the great Source of all our Supplies the national Bounty, and theZeal, the Generosity, the good Sense of our _Irish_ Representatives. Itis as shameful to see a Kingdom depending on private Contributions, asa _Ballysarius_ begging of a common Soldier. The King thought so whenhe extended his royal Munificence to us, and tho' he cannot help all, or do all; he has shewn us he desires it, and would gladly spur us onto Exert ourselves, and be more generally Active and Busy. Thisillustrious Example makes me confident, that if in imitation of hisMajesty, the Parliament should resolve to assist us; it would be thenoblest and quickest Method of relieving all our Wants, and banishingIndolence and Misery for ever from _Ireland_. 

PRIOR. I embrace the lucky Thought, and hope if it be followed, it maybe for ever Propitious to this poor Kingdom. I remember he that firstintroduced that obvious, but happy Scheme of Premiums; used often todeclare that the Method of Private Subscriptions was but a meretransitory Shift to set up with, and give a Proof of what Effects theywould produce; but that Parliamentary Aids were the only adequate Fundswe could thrive by. I often used to tell him my Fears, that suchAssistances were not to be hoped for, and I own I have some Doubt, thatthere are some Objections against such extraordinary Helps now. 

SWIFT. I know them as well as you, _Tom_, but there are none take myWord for it, but what are surmountable by the Spirit and Honour of an_Irish_ Parliament. I dare pawn all that is dear to me among Men, thatif our Senators will Vote 4000 _l. _ _per Ann. _ to the Society, that is1000 _l. _ to each of the Provinces, to encourage Tillage, enliven everyArt and Manufacture, promote every Good, and remove every Evil amongus; we should before the End of this Century, be as much the Envy ofour Neighbouring Nations, as we are now their Contempt. As they wouldinspect over the Distribution of all they gave, there can be no fear ofMisapplication, or the low Tricks of Jobbing; and as a Tax either onDeals or Wines, on Paper or Stampt-paper, News-papers, or Almanacks; onPlays, Musick-Meetings, Assemblies, on Lands sold, on Swords or Jewelsworn on our Crowds of useless Servants or thoughtless Travellers, wouldmost of them furnish us with sufficient Funds. I can see nothing toprevent so blessed a Purpose. I remember an illustrious Friend of oursused to say, it would be no bad Way, if in all future Parliaments, every Member should be obliged to add to the present Oaths he takes, one plain one, that he would do his utmost to promote the Manufacturesof this Country, the Industry of the People, and to secure Bread andFire at Home to the miserable Poor. But if the present Parliamentshould give a Vote of Credit for 4000 _l. _ a Year to the Society, itwould make such an Oath quite unnecessary, and they would enable themby that single Measure to give all our Affairs a new Face, and put usat once in the happiest Situation that Activity and Affluence couldprocure us. 

PRIOR. I have such a Confidence in the Concurrence of Men of allParties in so glorious a Design, that I begin to look already on thisAffair as certain and settled. There are such Crowds of sincere andhearty Friends to their Country in that honourable Assembly, that Ifully persuade my self, they will never grudge so small a Sum to thisplain and evident Method of laying the Foundation on which theProsperity of _Ireland_ may stand for ever. We should then seeprodigious Changes for the better, and no more hear such complaining inour Streets of no Trade, no Arts or Artists, or Encouragement for themin _Ireland_. This depends on ourselves and the Spirit and Votes of ourown generous Commons, who will be bless'd by Posterity for thus makingtheir Zeal, the great Source of Wealth, Industry, Plenty and Peaceamongst us. Indeed, when I consider how shameful it wou'd be, if, through any undue Influence we should want every Support in our Powerto give our People to enliven, enrich, or distinguish our Country; Igrow almost Confident of such a blessed Assistance. This is helping ourFamilies, our Dependants, our Tenants and Fellow-Citizens, the presentand future Generations. Every Acre the Society would by this meansimprove (and they would improve Millions) would be so much additionalWealth to the Kingdom; every Art they set up; every manual Trade theyencourage, will be a new strength to us, and will spread themselves asfast thro' the Kingdom as our Rivers do their vital Juices thro' ourPlains. 

SWIFT. Well, _Tom_, I am glad our Disputes are at an End, that I havepleased you at last, and made you entirely prefer my Methods ofassisting the Society to your own. It is certain, a Vote of Parliamenthas often set up useful Manufactures here, and this will be but ageneral one, for the setting up all. Nor is there any Cause to doubt ofthis publick Bounty, for tho' private Men are penurious, Nations aregenerous, and the publick Money is so easily raised, is paid by somany, and hurts so few, that even a Parliament of Misers might beCharitable. Every body is well disposed to bestow bounteously out ofhis Neighbour's Purse, to good Purposes, tho' he may be close enough orcautious enough, to save his own; and at the same Time, the Publick iscertainly the proper and natural Guardian of its own Wants andInterests. In short, _Tom_, the Thing is so manifest and self-evident, that I dare pronounce the Day is coming, when Votes to set on foot suchUndertakings, proposed by skilful Artists, and to encourage publickWorks, will be as common as Addresses to the King, and Congratulationsto our Lord Lieutenants. As we ought to give to _Ireland_, and to helpour poor Country as well as his Majesty; and as no Money given by anyPeople, can be productive, of so much and so general a Good to all, asthis 4000 _l. _ _per Ann. _; as it will be manag'd by such clean Hands, and such clear Heads and faithful Hearts, as it will be directed by anIndustry that never slackens, and by a Society which by the King'sGoodness to us, can never die, I am sure we shall not be denied it. This is really the truest and noblest Use of Riches, for to give andrelieve Thousands, is the best View on which we can either gather ordisperse them, and above all when the Charity begins at home, and helpsand makes happy our wanting Brethren. This Design must give the highestJoy to the Parliament, which supports and enforces it, for it iscertainly a vast Pleasure to a Patriot any way to assist in alleviatingand assisting the Wants of his indigent Countrymen; but how much musthis Joy be encreas'd, and what must he feel, who bestows Knowledge, Virtue and Industry, to Millions of his Fellow-Citizens? To give tosuch noble Ends, seems to be transcending the Limits of Humanity, andwou'd look like usurping on the Power of Heaven, if the Creator had nottransform'd it, to a Kind of Homage to himself. 

PRIOR. Dear _Dean_, I forgive you any Trifle that offended me in ourDialogue, and I thank you from my Soul for this happy Expedient toserve our Country so evidently and effectually. If once ourRepresentatives will let us feel and know, that Industry in _Ireland_, shall never be unrewarded, nor Arts neglected, we shall soon learn thatin so fertile a Country, no Man who has Hands and will use them, canever want either the Necessaries or Conveniences of Life. This Helpfrom our Parliament wou'd turn in a little Time our Desarts intoGardens, our Famines into Plenty, our Herdsmen into Farmers, ourBeggars into Labourers, our Villages of starving Cottagers, into Townsswarming with Artists, and our Beasts into Men; nay every Hill wou'd becultivated, every Valley ornamented, and our Lands as much improv'd asour Roads. 

SWIFT. What hindered our former Parliaments from taking such Measures, I will not pretend to Guess, but why they in the Days of our Ancestors, shou'd Vote such Funds to our Civil and Military Establishments, andsuch Pittances, such Nothings, to the Ease, the Well-being, theHappiness and Honour of the Nation, is hard to say, and parhaps, _Tom_, if we were living in those Days not very safe. It is a Comfort ourPeople are in no such Danger now, under such a Senate and such aGovernor, nor shall we be any more in danger of Jobbing away ourCountry for private Views, or sacrificing the general Welfare of awhole People to the Pride or the Power, the Gain, Avarice or Ambition, of half a Dozen over-grown Men. But there is one Thing, _Tom_, I mustmention, as almost as usefull to the Happiness of _Ireland_, as theParliament's Assistance, and that is that in every County, great City, and large manufacturing Towns, Societies shou'd be form'd withSubscriptions from all who compose them, for setting up Premiums forsuch Improvements, in all the manual Arts, as they find they want mostto set forward. But as I think you mention'd this already, and seem aszealous to see it promoted as I am, I shall not enlarge on it as fullyas it deserves. All I shall hint at is, that 50 _l. _ or 60 _l. _ or atmost 100 _l. _ a Year thus applied, wou'd have amazing Effects thro' theNation, as it wou'd remove all those Wants, and set up those Arts, which wou'd most affect their particular Circumstances, and which the_Dublin_ Society, cou'd not so immediately attend to, in its generalView of assisting all. As soon as the most necessary Things were fullyprovided for, such Societies wou'd go on to others, and thus in Time, wou'd find their own Estates and Neighbourhoods, largely repaying bytheir Improvements, the Care and the Expence of the Subscribers. Themaritime Counties, wou'd soon among other Things set up Fisheries, andthe Inland Counties, wou'd promote either Tillage or Mines, or usefullManufactures; and by this means, all the great Drains of our Health andour Wealth, our Blood and our Spirits, wou'd be cut off, and ournatural Strength wou'd encrease with our Labour. Thus in Process ofTime, this Kingdom wou'd be the Happiest, instead of being the mostDistrest of all Lands, and wou'd be as Rich as she wants to be, provided always, dear _Tom_, that like some good-natur'd thrivingMerchants I have known, we do not resolve to be bound for our elderBrother's Debts. 

PRIOR. I think such Societies in every County, or every considerableCounty, wou'd be a nobel Addition to our Parliamentary Bounties; and Itrust in the Providence of him who governs the World, and the Goodnessof those whom he has appointed as his Substitutes over these Nations, we shall not want these Blessings long. But we will if you please, Mr. _Dean_, drop this Subject at the present; and now we have talk'd overso many of these Particulars relating to the Welfare of _Ireland_, Iwou'd fain speak on other interesting Topicks, which also occasion'd mypaying this Visit to you. The first is to canvass over calmly andcandidly all the Arguments for or against a Union of this Kingdom, with_Great Britain_. I am assured by all the Ghosts I have met with oflate, that this is a Design, which in due Time is surely to be broughtabout one way or other. The second is the violent and ill-judg'dBrigues and Feuds, between some of our most considerable People; whotear our Country in Pieces, like _Cæsar_ and _Pompey_, because onecannot bear an Equal, nor the other a Superior, in the Government. Inthe 3d Place, I want to settle clearly, whether any of the Money thatwas charged to the Account of our Barracks, was carried out of theKingdom by some strange Accident or other. When we have fully discussedthis, I wou'd in the last place talk to you, in as free a Manner, astwo such Friends to _Ireland_ shou'd do; how well our Senate hasformerly maintained, and is likely now to maintain its undoubted Rightof disposing of the Redundancies of the Treasury, and taking Care thatthe People's Money, be laid out for the Service of themselves and theNation. 

SWIFT. I am quite pleased with your Proposal; but stay, I see they arelighting up Candles for Morning Service. Ah, _Tom_, if the Prayers ofthe Living were as Sincere and as Ardent as those of the Dead, what analtered World wou'd this be? Here is the Curate and three old Womencoming to Church; what think you if for fear of frighting Fools, welaid by these winding Sheets in my Tomb, and walk'd in _Fresco_, in theDeanery-Garden, and enjoy'd this bright Morn. 

PRIOR. With all my Heart. I have a Budget of Anecdotes, and a deal ofLaw and Politicks, to entertain you with. Oh this poor Kingdom! thisunthinking People grieve my Soul!

SWIFT. Dear _Tom_, most Men scarce begin to Think, till they'resummoned to die, and that I fear must be the Case of _Ireland_, unlessthe Parliament helps us. _Allons!_ to my old dear Garden----lead theWay! without _sans_ Ceremony, as _Jodolet_ says in the play. 

_EXEUNT. _