A BRITISH ISLANDER

From "Mackinac And Lake Stories", 1899

By Mary Hartwell Catherwood

 * This story is set down exactly as it was told by the Island Chronicler. 

Well, I wish you could have been here in Mrs. Gunning's day. She wasthe oddest woman on Mackinac. Not that she exerted herself to attractattention. But she was such a character, and her manners were soastonishing, that she furnished perennial entertainment to the fewfamilies of us constituting island society. 

She was an English woman, born in South Africa, and married to anAmerican army surgeon, and had lived over a large part of the worldbefore coming to this fort. She had no children. But her sister hadmarried Dr. Gunning's brother. And the good-for-nothing pair set out tofollow the English drum-beat around the world, and left a child for thetwo more responsible ones to rear. Juliana Gunning was so deaf shecould not hear thunder. But she was quits with nature, for all that; awonderfully alluring kind of girl, with big brown eyes that were betterthan ears, and that could catch the meaning of moving lips. It seemedto strangers that she merely evaded conversation; for she had a sweetvoice, a little drawling, and was witty when she wanted to speak. Juliana couldn't step out of the surgeon's quarters to walk across theparade-ground without making every soldier in the fort conscious ofher. She was well-shaped and tall, and a slight pitting of the skinonly enhanced the charm of her large features. She used to dress unlikeanybody else, in foreign things that her aunt gave her, and was alwayscarrying different kinds of thin scarfs to throw over her face andtantalize the men. 

Everybody knew that Captain Markley would marry her if he could. Butalong comes Dr. Mc-Curdy, a wealthy widower from the East, and nothingwill do but he must hang about Mackinac week after week, pretending toneed the climate--and he weighing nearly two hundred--to court JulianaGunning. The lieutenant's wife said of Juliana that she would flirt witha half-breed if nothing better offered. But the lieutenant's wife wasa homely, jealous little thing, and could never have had all the menhanging after her. And if she had had the chance she might have been asaggravating about making up her mind between two as Juliana was. 

We used to think the girl very good-natured. But those three people madea queer family. Dr. Gunning was the remnant of a magnificent man, and healways had a courtly air. He paid little attention to the small affairsof life, and rated money as nothing. Dr. Gunning had his peculiarities;but I am not telling you about him. He was a kind man, and would crossthe strait in any weather to attend a sick half-breed or any otherailing creature, who probably never paid him a cent. He was fond of theisland, and quite satisfied to spend his life here. 

The day I am telling you about, Mrs. Gunning had driven with me into thevillage to make some calls. She was very punctilious about calling uponstrangers. If she intended to recognize a newcomer she called atonce. We drove around to the rear of the fort and entered at the backsallyport, where carriages always enter; but instead of letting me puther down at the surgeon's quarters, she ordered the driver to stop inthe middle of the parade-ground. Then she got out and, with never aword, marched down the steps to Captain Markley, where he was leaningagainst the front sally-port, looking below into the town. I didn't knowwhat to do, so I sat and waited. It was the loveliest autumn morningyou ever saw. I remember the beeches and oaks and maples were spread outlike banners to the very height of the island, all crimson and yellowsplashes in the midst of evergreens. There had been an awful storm thenight before, and you could see down the sally-port how drenched thefort garden was at the foot of the hill. 

Captain Markley had a fearfully depressed look. He was so down in themouth that the sentinels noticed it. I saw the one in front of thewestern block-house stick his tongue in his cheek and wink at one pacingbelow. We heard afterwards that Captain Markley had been out alone toinspect target-ranges in the pine woods, and almost ran against JulianaGunning and Dr. McCurdy sitting on a log. Before he could get out of theway he overheard the loudest proposal ever made on Mackinac. It used tobe told about in mess, though how it got out Captain Markley said he didnot know, unless they heard it at the fort. 

"I have brought you out here, " the doctor shouted to Juliana, as loud asa cow lowing, "to tell you that I love you! I want you to be my wife!"

She behaved as if she didn't hear--I think that minx often had fun withher deafness--and inclined her head to one side. 

So he said it all over again. 

"I have brought you to this secluded spot to tell you that I love you! Iwant you to be my wife!"

It was like a steamer bellowing on the strait. Then Juliana threw herscarf over her face, and Captain Markley broke away through the bushes. 

Mrs. Gunning never said a word to me about either of the suitors. Itwasn't because she didn't talk, for she was a great talker. We had topostpone a card-party one evening, on account of the continuous flow ofMrs. Gunning's conversation, which never ceased until it was time forrefreshments, there being not a moment's pause for the tables to be setout. 

[Illustration: Startled to see her rush down at Captain Markley 176]

I was startled to see her rush down at Captain Markley, brandishing herparasol as if she were going to knock him down. I thought if she hadany preference it would be for an army man; for you know an army woman'scontempt of civilian money and position. Army women continually want tobe moving on; and they hate bothering with household stuff, such as weprize. 

Captain Markley did look poor-spirited, drooping against the sally-port, for a man who in his uniform was the most conspicuous figure to Mackinacgirls in a ball-room. Maybe if he had been courting anything but astatue he might have made a better figure at it. Juliana was worse thana statue, though; for she could float through a thousand graceful poses, and drive a man crazy with her eyes. He wasn't the lover to go out inthe woods and shoot a proposal as loud as a cannon at a girl; and itseems he couldn't get any satisfaction from her by writing notes. 

Mrs. Gunning was drawing off her gloves as she marched at him with herparasol, and I remember how her emeralds and diamonds flashed in thesun--old heirlooms. I never saw another woman who had so many preciousstones. She was tall, with that robust English quality that sometimesgoes with slenderness. She and Juliana were not a bit alike. When shewalked, her feet came down pat. I pitied Captain Markley. By leaningover the carriage I could see him give a start as Mrs. Gunning pouncedat him. 

"It's a fine day after the storm, Captain Markley, " says she; and helifted his cap and said it was. 

Then she made a rush that I thought would drive him down the cliff, andwhirled her parasol around his head like sword-play, talking about thehavoc of the storm. She rippled him from head to foot and poked at hiseyes, and jabbed him, to show how lightning struck the rocks, CaptainMarkley all the time moving back and dodging; and to save my life Icouldn't help laughing, though the sentinels above him saw it. They werepretty well used to her, and rolled their quids in their cheeks, andwinked at one another. 

When she had all but thrown him down-hill, she stuck the ferrule rightunder his nose and shook it, and says she: "Yet it is now as fine a dayas if no such convulsion had ever threatened the island. It is often soin this world. "

He couldn't deny that, miserable as he looked. And I thought she wouldlet him alone and come and say good-day to me. But no, indeed! She tookhim by the arm. Soldiers off duty were lounging on the benches, andCaptain Markley wouldn't let them see him haled like a prisoner. Hemarched square-shouldered and erect; and Mrs. Gunning says to me as theyreached the carriage:

"The captain will help you down if you will come with us. I am going toshow him my Shanghai rooster. "

I thanked her, and gladly let him help me down. I wasn't going to desertthe poor fellow when Mrs. 

Gunning was dealing with him; and, besides, I wanted to see that roostermyself. We heard such stories of the way she kept her chickens andlabored over all the domestic animals she gathered around herself at thefort. 

[Illustration: The Quarters 182]

By ascending a steep bank on which the western block-house stands, youknow you can look down into the drill-ground--that wide meadow behindthe fort, with quarters at the back. Mrs. Gunning had an enclosure builtoutside the wall for her chickens; and there they were, walking about, scratching the ground, and diverting themselves as well as they could intheir clothes. She had a shed at one end of the enclosure, and all thehens, walking about or sitting on nests, wore hoods! Holes were made fortheir eyes but none for their beaks, and the eyelets seemed to magnifyso that they looked wrathy as they stretched their necks and quaveredin those bags. Captain Markley and I both burst out laughing, but Mrs. Gunning explained it all seriously. 

"They eat their eggs, " says she; "so I tie hoods on them until I havecollected the eggs for the day. "

I remember some were clawing their head-gear, trying alternate feet, andtwo determined hens were trying to peck each other free. But they woregenerally resigned, and we might have grown so after the first minute, if it hadn't been for the rooster. 

Captain Markley roared, and I leaned against the lower part of theblock-house and held my sides. That long-legged, awkward, high-steppingShanghai cock was dressed like a man in a suit of clothes--all but ahat. His coat-sleeves extended over his wings, and when he flapped themto crow, and stuck his claws out of his trousers-legs, I wept tears onmy handkerchief. Mrs. Gunning talked straight ahead without payingany attention to our laughter. If it ever had been funny to her it hadceased to be so. She had not brought Captain Markley there to amuse him. 

"Look at that Shanghai rooster now, " says she. "I brought him up fromthe South. I put him among the hens and they picked all his feathersoff. He was as bare, captain, as your hand. He was literally hen-pecked. First one would step up to him and pull out a feather; then another; andhe, poor fool, did nothing but cower against the fence. It never seemedto enter his brain-pan he could put a stop to the torture. There hewas, without a feather to cover himself with, and the cool autumn nightscoming on. So I took some gray cloth and made him these clothes. Hewould have been picked to the bone if I hadn't. But they put spunkinto him. That Shanghai rooster has found out he has to assert himself, captain, and he does assert himself. "

I saw Captain Markley turn red, and I knew he wished the sentinel wasn'tstanding guard a few feet away in front of that block-house. 

She might have let him alone after she had given him that thrust, andgone on to her house, and said good-bye in the usual way. But just as hewas helping me down it happened that Juliana and Dr. Mc-Curdy appearedthrough the rear sally-port, which they must have reached by skirtingthe wall instead of crossing the drill-field. As soon as Mrs. Gunningsaw them she stiffened, and clubbed her umbrella at Captain Markleyagain. He couldn't get away, so he stood his ground. 

"See that creature begin to curvet and roll her eyes!" says Mrs. Gunning. "If the parade-ground were full of men I think she would pranceover the parapet. At my age she may have some sense and feeling. But Iwould be glad to see her in the hands of a man who knew how to asserthimself. "

"May I ask, " says Captain Markley, "what you mean by a man's assertinghimself, Mrs. Gunning?"

She made such a pounce at him with the parasol that her waist began torip in the back. 

"My dear boy, I am a full-blooded Briton, and Juliana is what youmay call an English half-breed. In the bottom of our hearts we have ahankering for monarchy. The lion, who permits nobody else to poach onhis preserves, is our symbol. While the vexatious child and I are not atall alike in other things, I know she admires as much as I do a man whoasserts himself. "

Though it was said Juliana Gunning could not hear thunder, she generallyunderstood her aunt's voice, and could tell when she was being talkedabout. She came straight to her own rescue, as you might say, and Dr. McCurdy, poor man, was very polite, but not cheerful. If we had knownthen what he had been yelling in the woods, we should have understoodbetter why Captain Markley seemed to pluck up and strut at the sight ofhim. 

I think Mrs. Gunning determined to finish the business that very hour. She met Dr. McCurdy with all the sweetness she could put into her mannerjust before she intended to pounce the hardest. 

"I have been showing the captain my chickens, " she says, "and now I wantto show you my cows. "

Dr. McCurdy thanked her, and said he would be delighted to see the cows, but he stuck to Juliana like a shadow. Maybe he expected the cows wouldgive him a further excuse for being with her. But Mrs. Gunning cut himoff there. She gave her keys to her niece, and says she:

"Go in the house, my dear, and set out the decanter and glasses, andgive Captain Markley a glass of wine to keep him until we come back. Iwant to tell him something more about that Shanghai rooster. "

Juliana understood, and took the keys, and rolled her eyes tantalizinglyat Dr. McCurdy. The poor fellow made a stand, and said the cows would dosome other time, and mightn't he beg for a glass of wine too, after hiswalk?

"Certainly, doctor, certainly, " says Mrs. Gunning, leading the way tothe front sally-port. "We expect you to take a glass with us. But whileJuliana sets out the decanter, let us look at the cows. "

She hadn't mentioned me, but I didn't care for that, knowing Mrs. Gunning as I did. I should have followed if she Hadn't beckoned to me, for I was as determined to see the affair through as she was to finishit. 

We had to go down that long path from the front sally-port to thestreet, and then turn into the field at the foot of the hill, wherethe fort stables are. Mrs. Gunning talked all the time about cattle, flourishing her parasol and flashing her diamonds and emeralds in thesun, and telling Dr. McCurdy she had intended to ask his opinion aboutthem ever since his arrival on the island. He answered yes, and no, andseemed to be thinking of anything but cattle. 

Mackinac cows tinkled their bells in every thicket. But Mrs. Gunning'spets were brought in morning and afternoon to clean, well-lightedstalls. There they stood in a row, sleek as if they had beencurried--and I have heard that she did curry them herself--all switchingnatural tails except one. And, as sure as you live, that cow had a falsetail that Mrs. Gunning had made for her!

She took hold of it and showed it to us. It did not seem very funny toDr. McCurdy, but he had to listen to what she said. 

"Spotty was a fine cow, but by some accident she had lost her tail, andI got her cheaper on that account, " says Mrs. Gunning. "You don't knowhow distressing it was to see her switching a stump. So I made her atail of whalebone and India-rubber and yarn. I knit it myself. "

The poor fellow looked up at the fort and said: "Yes. It is veryinteresting/ Mrs. Gunning. "

"I am aware, " says she, "that the expedient was never hit upon before. But Spotty's brush is a great success. It used to make me unhappy tothink of leaving this post. All the other cows might find good homeswith new owners; but who would care for Spotty? Since I have suppliedher deficiency, however, and know that the supply can constantly berenewed, my mind is easy about her. If you ever have to knit a cow'stail, doctor, remember the foundations are whalebone and India-rubber;and I would advise you to use the coarsest yarn you can find for thebrush. "

"I will, Mrs. Gunning, " he says, like a man who wanted to lie down inthe straw and die. And I couldn't laugh and relieve myself, because itwas like laughing at him. 

"Now that shows, " says Mrs. Gunning, and she pounced at him and shookher parasol in his face so vigorously that she ripped in the back thesame as a chrysalis, "how easy it is to remedy a seemingly incurableinjury. "

If he didn't understand her then, he did afterwards. But he looked as ifhe couldn't endure it any longer, and made for the door. 

"Stop, Dr. McCurdy, " says she. "You haven't heard these cows'pedigrees. "

He stopped, and said: "How long are the pedigrees?"

"Here are four generations, " says Mrs. Gunning--"grandmother, mother, daughter, and grandchild. " And on she went, tracing their lineagethrough blooded stock for more than half an hour. She was enthusiastic, too, and got between the doctor and the door, and emphasized all herpoints with the parasol. Her back kept ripping until I ought to havetold her, but I knew the man was too mad to look at her, and she was sohappy herself, I said, "I will let her alone. "

I had forgotten all about my half-breed driver, sitting on theparade-ground in the waiting carriage. But he was enjoying himself too, when we climbed to the fort again, with a soldier lounging on the frontwheel. 

Well, as soon as I entered the little parlor that Mrs. Gunning calledher drawing-room--ornamented with the movable knickknacks that an armywoman carries around with her, you know--I saw that Captain Markley hadasserted himself. If he hadn't asserted himself on that occasion, I dobelieve Mrs. Gunning would have been done with him forever. I never sawa man so anxious to show that he was accepted. Of course he couldn'tannounce the engagement until it had been sanctioned by the girl'sfoster-parents. But he put Juliana through the engaged drill like aveteran, and she was wonderfully meek. 

I suppose one British woman knows another better than an American can. But I felt sorry for Dr. McCurdy when he saw the state of things andtook his leave, and Mrs. Gunning rubbed his defeat on the raw. 

"Ah, my dear friend, " says she, shaking his hand, "we see that buds willmatch with buds. I could never find it in my heart to wed a bud to afull-blown rose. "

I don't doubt that the full-blown rose, as he went down the fort hill, cursed Mrs. Gunning's cow's tail and all her cows' pedigrees. But shelooked as serene as if he had pledged the young couple's health (insteadof going off and leaving his wine half tasted), and took me to see herchickens' cupboard. 

There were shelves with rows of cans and bottles, each can or bottlelabelled "Molly, " or "Lucy, " or "Speckie, " and so on. 

"I have discovered, " Mrs. Gunning says to me, "that one hen's food maybe another hen's poison, so I mix and prepare for each fowl what thatfowl seems to need. For instance, Lucy can bear more meal than Speckie, and the Shanghai cock had to be strongly encouraged. Though it sometimeshappens, " says she, casting her eye back towards the drawing-room, "thatsuch a fellow gets pampered, and has to have his diet reduced and hisspirit cooled down again. "