THE STRANGE ADVENTURES

OF

CAPTAIN DANGEROUS:

 WHO WAS A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A MERCHANT, A SPY, A SLAVE AMONG THE MOORS, A BASHAW IN THE SERVICE OF THE GRAND TURK, AND

 =Died at last in his own House in Hanover Square. =

 A NARRATIVE IN OLD-FASHIONED ENGLISH. 

 ATTEMPTED BY GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA. 

 IN THREE VOLUMES. 

 VOL. III. 

 LONDON: TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND. 1863. 

 [_The right of Translation is reserved. _]

 LONDON: SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET, COVENT GARDEN. 

CONTENTS OF VOL. III. 

 CHAPTER THE FIRST. PAGE I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO RIGHT ROUND IT 1

 CHAPTER THE SECOND. MERCATOR, HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT 44

 CHAPTER THE THIRD. THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO EUROPE 71

 CHAPTER THE FOURTH. OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND 115

 CHAPTER THE FIFTH. OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS, WHICH WAS NEARLY MY UNDOING 154

 CHAPTER THE SIXTH. OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE CARDINAL DE ---- 181

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM REDUCED TO A STATE OF MISERABLE SLAVERY 196

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS BECOMES BESTUSCHID BASHAW 230

 CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST. OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF MY ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE. 272

 * * * * *

THE STRANGE ADVENTURES

OF

CAPTAIN DANGEROUS. 

=A Narrative in Old fashioned English. =

CHAPTER THE FIRST. 

I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO RIGHT ROUND IT. 

1748. I was not yet Forty years of age, Hale and Stout, Comelyenough, --so said Mistress Prue and many other damsels, --with a MilitaryEducation, an approved reputation for Valour, and very little elsebesides. A gentleman at large, with a purse well-nigh as slender as anell-wand, and as wobegone as a dried eel-skin. But I was never one thatwanted many Superfluities; and having no Friends in the world, was of amost Contented Disposition. 

Some trouble, indeed, must I have with that luckless Mistress Prue, theWaiting-Maid--sure, I did the girl no Harm, beyond whispering a littlesoft nonsense in her ear now and then. But she must needs have asuccession of Hysterical Fits after my departure from the Tower, andwrite me many scores of Letters couched in the most LamentableRigmarole, threatening to throw herself into Rosamond's Pond in St. James's Park (then a favourite Drowning-Place for Disconsolate Lovers), with many other nonsensical Menaces. But I was firm to my Determinationto do her no harm, and therefore carefully abstained from answering anyof her letters. She did not break her heart; but (being resolved to wedone that wore the King's cloth) she married Miles Bandolier about threemonths after my Departure, and broke his head, ere the Honeymoon wasover, with a Bed-staff. A most frivolous Quean this, and I well rid ofher. 

Coming out of the Tower, I took lodgings for a season in Great RyderStreet, St. James's, and set up for a Person of Pleasure. There weremany Military Officers of my Acquaintance who honoured me with theircompany over a Bottle, for even as a Tower Warder I had been a kind of aGentleman, and there was no treating me as one of base Degree. Theylaughed somewhat at my Brevet rank of Captain, and sometimes twitted meas to what Regiment I was in; but I let them laugh, so long as they didnot go too far, when I would most assuredly have shown them, by thelength of my Blade, not only what Regiment I belonged to, but whatMettle I was of. By favour of some of my Martial Friends, I wasintroduced to a favourite Coffee-House, the "Ramilies, " in Jermyn Street('tis Slaughter's, in St. Martin's Lane, now, that the Soldier-Officersdo most use); and there we had many a pleasant Carouse, and, moreover, many a good game at cards; at the which, thanks to the tuition of Mr. Hodge, when I was in Mr. Pinchin's service, I was a passable adept, being able to hold my own and More, in almost every Game that is to befound in Hoyle. And so our card-playing did result, not only to mutualpleasure, but to my especial Profit; for I was very lucky. But I declarethat I always played fair; and if any man doubted the strict probity ofmy proceeding, there was then, as there is now, my Sword to vindicate myHonour. 

'Tis ill-living, however, on Gambling. Somehow or another the Money youwin at Cards--I would never touch Dice, which are too chancy, liable tobe Sophisticated, and, besides, sure to lead to Brawling, Stabbing, andcracking of Crowns--this Money, gotten over Old Nick's back, I say, never seems to do a Man any Good. 'Tis light come, and light go; and theStore of Gold Pieces that glitter so bravely when you sweep them off thegreen cloth seems, in a couple of days afterwards, to have turned to dryleaves, like the Magician's in the Fairy Tale. Excepting Major Panton, who built the Street and the Square which bear his name out of OneNight's Profit at the Pharoah table, can you tell me of one habitualGambler who has been able to realise anything substantial out of hisWinnings? No, no; a Hand at Cards is all very well, and 'tis pleasant towin enough to pay one's Reckoning, give a Supper to the Loser, and havea Frisk upon Town afterwards; but I do abhor your steady, systematicGamblers, with their restless eyes, quivering lips, hair bristling undertheir wigs, and twitching fingers, as they watch the Game. Of course, when Cards are played, you must play for Money. As to playing for Love, I would as soon play for nutshells or cheese-parings. But the wholebusiness is too feverish and exciting for a Man of warm temperament. 'Tis killing work when your Bed and Raiment, your Dinner and your Flask, depend on the turn up of a card. And so I very speedily abandoned thisline of life. 

'Twas necessary, nevertheless, for something to be done to bring Gristto the Mill. About this time it was a very common practice for GreatNoblemen--notably those who were in any way addicted to pleasure, andours was a mighty Gay Nobility thirty or forty years since--to entertainMen of Honour, Daring, and Ability, cunning in the use of their Swords, and exceedingly discreet in their conversations, to attend them upontheir private affairs, and render to them Services of a kind thatrequired Secrecy as well as Courage. One or two Duels in Hyde Park andbehind Montagu House, in which I had the honour to be concerned asSecond, --and in one of which I engaged the Second of my Patron'sAdversary, and succeeded, by two dexterous side slices, in Quincing hisface as neatly as a housewife would slice Fruit for a Devonshire SquabPie, --gained me the notice of some of the Highest Nobility, to whom Iwas otherwise recommended by the easiness of my Manners, and the amenityof my Language. The young Earl of Modesley did in particular affect me, and I was of Service to his Lordship on many most momentous and delicateOccasions. For upwards of Six Months I was sumptuously entertained inhis Lordship's Mansion in Red Lion Square;--a Kind of Hospitality, indeed, which he was most profuse in the dispensation of:--there beingat the same time in the House a French Dancing-Master, an ItalianSinger, a Newmarket Horse-Jockey, and a Domestic Chaplain, that had beenunfrocked for too much fighting of Cocks and drinking of Cider withclowns at his Vicarage; but to whom the Earl of Modesley was always afast friend. Unfortunate Young Nobleman! He died of a malignant Fever atAvignon, just before attaining his Thirtieth Year! His intentionstowards me were of the most Bounteous Description; and he even, beingpleased to say that I was a good-looking Fellow enough, and come to anAge when it behoved me to be settled in Life, proposed that I shouldenter in the bonds of Wedlock with one Miss Jenny Lightfoot, that hadformerly been a Milliner in Liquorpond Street, but who, when hisLordship introduced me to her, lived in most splendid Lodgings under thePiazza, Covent Garden, and gave the handsomest Chocolate Parties to theYoung Nobility that ever were seen. So Boundless was his Lordship'sgenerosity that he offered to bestow a portion of Five Hundred Pounds onMiss Lightfoot if she would become Madame Dangerous--said portion to beat my absolute disposal--and to give me besides a long Lease at aPeppercorn Rent of a Farm of his in Wiltshire. The Match, however, cameto nothing. I was not yet disposed to surrender my Liberty; and, indeed, the Behaviour of Miss Lightfoot, while the Treaty of Alliance between uswas being discussed, did not augur very favourably for our felicity inthe Matrimonial State. Indeed, she was pleased to call me Rogue, Gambler, Bully, Led Captain, and many other uncivil names. She snappedoff the silver hilt of my dress-sword (presented to me after I hadfought the Second in Hyde Park), and obstinately refused to restore thatgewgaw to me, telling me that she had given it to her Landlady (oneMother Bishopsbib, a monstrous Fat Woman, that was afterwards Carted, and stood in the Pillory in Spring Gardens, for evil practices) in partpayment for rent-owing. Moreover, she wilfully spoilt my best periwig byoverturning a Chocolate Mill thereupon; and otherwise so misconductedherself that I bade her a respectful Farewell, --she leaving the marks ofher Nails on my face as a parting Gift, --and told my Lord Modesley thatI would as lief wed a Roaring Dragon as this Termagant of the Piazza. This Refusal brought about a Rupture between myself and my Lord. He wasimprudent enough to talk about my Ingratitude, to tell me that the verycoat on my back was bought and paid for with his Money, and to threatento have me kicked out of doors by two of his Tall Lacqueys. But Ispeedily let him have a piece of my Mind. "My Lord, " says I, going up tohim, and thrusting my face full in his, "you will be pleased to knowthat I am a Gentleman, whose ancestors were ennobled centuries beforeyour rascally grandfather got his peerage for turning against the trueKing. "

He began to murmur something (as many have done before when my bloodwas up, and I have mentioned Royalty) about my being "a Jacobite. "

"I'll Jacobite your jacket for you, you Jackadandy!" I retorted. "Youhave most foully insulted me. I know your Lordship's ways well. If Isent you a cartel, you and your whippersnapper Friends would sneer atit, because I am poor, and fling Led Captain in my teeth. You won'tfight with a poor Gentleman of the Sword. I am too much of a Man ofHonour to waylay you at night, and give you the private Stab, as youdeserve; but so sure as you are your father's son, if you don't make methis instant a Handsome Apology, I will cudgel you till there is not awhole bone in your body. "

The young Ruffian--he was not such a coward as Squire Pinchin, butrather murderous--makes no more do, but draws upon me. I caught up aquarter-staff that lay handy (for we were always exercising ourselves atathletic amusements), struck the weapon from his grasp, and hit him asounding thwack across the shins that brought him down upon hismarrow-bones. 

"Below the Belt!" he cries out, holding up his hands. "Foul! foul!"

"Foul be hanged!" I answered. "I'm not going to fight, but to Beat You;"and I rushed upon him, shortening the Staff, and would have belabouredhim Soundly, but that he saw it was no use contending against JohnDangerous, and very humbly craved a parley. He Apologised as I hadDemanded, and lent me Twenty Guineas, and we parted on the most friendlyterms. 

This Lord essayed, notwithstanding, to do me much harm in Town, sayingthat I had used him with black Cruelty, had re-requited his many favourswith gross Treachery, and the like Falsehoods, until I was obliged tosend him a Message to this purport: that unless he desisted, I should beobliged to keep my promise as to the Cudgel. Upon which he presentlysurceased. So much meanness had he, even, as to fudge up a pretendeddebt of nineteen guineas against me as for money lent, for the which Iwas arrested by bailiffs and conveyed--being taken at Jonathan's--to avile spunging-house in Little Bell Alley, Moorfields; but the keeper ofthe House stood my friend, and procured a Bail for me in the shape of anHonest Gentleman, who was to be seen every day about Westminster Hallwith a straw in his shoe, and for a crown and a dinner at theeating-house would suddenly become worth five hundred a year, or atleast swear himself black in the face that such was his estate:--whichwas all that was required. And when it came to justifying of Bail beforethe Judges, what so easy as to hire a suit of clothes in MonmouthStreet, and send him into court fully equipped as a reputable gentleman?However, there was no occasion for this, for on the very night of myenlargement I won fifty guineas at the tables; and walking very Bold tomy Lord's House, sends up the nineteen guineas to my Lord with a note, asking to what lawyer I should pay the cost of suit, and whether Ishould wait upon him at his Levee for a receipt. On the which he, stillwith the fear of a cudgelling before his eyes, sends me down a Receiptin Full, _and the Money back to boot_, begging me to trouble myself inno way about the lawyer; which, I promise you, I did not. And so an endof this troublesome acquaintance, --a profitable one enough to me whileit lasted. As for Miss Jenny, her Behaviour soon became as light as hername. I have heard that she got into trouble about a Spanish Merchantthat was flung down stairs and nigh killed, and that but for the Favourof Justice Cogwell, who had a hankering for her, 'twould have been aCourt-Job. Afterwards I learnt that she had been seen beating Hemp inBridewell in a satin sack laced with silver; and I warrant that she wasfain to cry, "Knock! oh, good Sir Robert, knock!" many a time before theBlue-coated Beadles on court day had done swingeing of her. 

There are certain periods in the life even of the most fortunate manwhen his Luck is at a desperately low ebb, --when everything seems to goamiss with him, --when nothing that he can turn his hand to prospers, --whenfriends desert him, and the companions of his sunshiny days chide himfor not having made better use of his opportunities, --when, Do what hewill, he cannot avert the Black Storm, --when Ruin seems impending, andCatastrophe is on the cards, --when he is Down, in a word, and thedespiteful are getting ready to gibe at him in his Misfortune, and toadminister unto him the last Kick. These times of Trial and BitterTravail ofttimes strike one who has just attained Middle age, --theHalfway-House of Life; and then, 'tis the merest chance in the worldwhether he will be enabled to pick himself up again, or be condemned forevermore to poverty and contumely, --to the portion of weeds and out-wornfaces. I do confess that about this period of my career things went verybadly with me, and that I was grievously hard-driven, not alone to makeboth ends meet, but to discover anything that could have its ending in aMeal of Victuals. I have heard that some of the greatest Prelates, Statesmen, Painters, Captains, and Merchants--I speak not of Poets, forit is their eternal portion, seemingly, to be born, to live, and to DiePoor--have suffered the like straits at some time or another of theirlives. Many times, however, have I put it on record in these pages, thatDespair and I were never Bedfellows. As for Suicide, I do condemn it, and abhor it utterly, as the most cowardly, Dishonest, and unworthyMethod to which a Man can resort that he may rid himself of hisDifficulties. To make a loathsome unhandsome corpse of yourself, anddeny yourself Christian Burial, nay, run the risk of crowner's quest, and interment at the meeting of four cross-roads with a Stake driventhrough your Heart. Oh, 'tis shameful! Hang yourself, forsooth! whyshould you spend money in threepenny cord, when Jack Ketch, if youdeserve it, will hang you for nothing, and the County find the rope?Take poison! why, you are squeamish at accepting physic from the doctor, which may possibly do you good. Why, then, should you swallow a vilemess which you are _certain_ must do you harm? Fall upon your sword, asTully--I mean Brutus--or some of those old Romans, were wont to do whenthe Game was up! In the first place, I should like to see the man, howsoever expert a fencer, who could so tumble on his own blade and killhimself. 'Tis easier to swallow a sword than to fall upon one, and thefirst is quite as much a Mountebank's Trick as t'other. Blow your brainsout! A mighty fine climax truly, to make a Horrible Mess all over thefloor, and frighten the neighbours out of their wits, besides, as awaggish friend of mine has it, rendering yourself stone-deaf for life. If it comes to powder and ball, why, a Man of courage would much soonerblow out somebody else's Brains instead of his own. 

I did not, I am thankful to say, want Bread during this my time of illluck; and I never parted with my sword; but sure it is that JackDangerous was woundily pushed, and had to adopt many extraordinaryshifts for a livelihood. _Item:_ I engaged myself to one Mr. O'Teague, an Irishman, that had been a pupil of the famous Mr. Figg, Master of theNoble Art of Self-Defence, at his Theatre of Arms, on the right handside of the Oxford Road, near Adam and Eve Court. Mr. Figg was, as iswell known, the very Atlas of the Sword; and Mr. O'Teague's body was avery Mass of Scars and Cicatrices gotten in hand-to-hand conflicts withthe broadsword on the public stage. He had once presumed to rival Mr. Figg, whence arose a cant saying of the time, "A fig for the Irish;" buthaving been honourably vanquished by him, even to the slicing of hisnose in two pieces, the cracking of his crown in sundry places, and thescoring of his body as though it had been a Loin of Pork for theBakehouse, he was taken into his service, and became a principal figurein all the grand gladiatorial encounters, at wages of forty shillings aweek and his meat. As for Mr. Figg himself, who was as good at backswordas at broadsword, at quarter-staff as at foil, and at fisticuffs as anyone of them, --to say nothing of his Cornish wrestling, --I saw him once, and shall never forget him. There was a Majesty blazed in hiscountenance and shone in all his actions beyond all I ever beheld. Hisright leg bold and firm; and his Left, which could hardly ever bedisturbed, gave him the surprising advantages he so often proved, andstruck his Adversary with Despair and Panic. He had that peculiar way ofstepping in, in a Parry, which belongs to the Grand School alone; heknew his arm, and its just time of moving; put a firm faith in that, andnever let his foe escape a parry. He was just as much as great a masteras any I ever saw, as he was a greater judge of time and Measure. It washis method, when he fought in his Amphitheatre, to send round to aselect number of his scholars to borrow a shirt for the ensuing combat, and seldom failed of half-a-dozen of superfine Holland from his primePupils. Most of the young Nobility and Gentry made it a part of theireducation to march under his warlike banner. Most of his Scholars wereat every battle, and were sure to exult at their great master'svictories; every person supposing he saw the wounds his shirt received. Then Mr. Figg would take an opportunity to inform his Lenders of thecharm their Linen had received, with an offer to send the garments home;but he seldom received any other answer than "Hang you, keep it. " A mostingenious and courageous person, and immeasurably beyond all hiscompetitors, such as O'Teague, Will Holmes, Felix Maguire, Broughton, Sutton, and the like. 

Many good bouts with all kinds of weapons did we have at Mr. O'Teague'stheatre, which was down a Stable-yard behind Newport Market, not farfrom Orator Henley's chapel. The shirt manoeuvre we tried over andover again with varying success; but we found it in the end impossibleto preserve order among our Patrons, the greater part of whom wereButchers; and I am fain to admit that many of these unctuous sky-bluejerkins could fight as well as we. Then Mr. O'Teague was much given todrinking, and in his potations quarrelsome. 'Twas all very wellfighting on a stage for profit, and with the chance of applause, a cleanshirt, and perchance a Right Good Supper given to us by our admirersafterwards at some neighbouring Tavern; but I never could see the humourof Swashbuckling for nothing, and without occasion; and as my Employerwas somewhat too prompt to call in cold iron when his Head was so Hot, Ishook hands with him, and bade him find another assistant. This was theMr. O'Teague that was afterwards so unfortunate as to be hanged atTyburn for devalising a gentleman at Roehampton. Great interest was madeto save him, his very prosecutor (who knew not at the first hisassailant, or that he had been driven to the road by hard times) headingthe signatures to a petition for him. But 'twas all in vain. He made abeautiful end of it in a fine white nightcap fringed; and his funeralwas attended by some of the most eminent swordsmen in town, who had agallant set-to afterwards for the benefit of his widow. 'Tis sad tothink of the numbers of brave men that I have known, and how many ofthem are Hanged. 

About this time I was much with the Players, but misliked themexceedingly; and although numbers of brilliant offers were made to me, Icould not be persuaded to try the sock and buskin. Hard as were thenames by which my enemies would sometimes call me, I could never abidethat of Rogue and Vagabond, and such, by Act of Parliament, was theplayer at that time. No, I said, whatever straits I am driven to, I willbe a Soldier of Fortune, and Captain Dangerous to the last. 

Of my Adventure with Madam Taffetas the Widow, I am not disposed to saymuch. Indeed, until my being finally settled, and made the Happiest Manupon earth by my union with the departed Saint who was the mother of myLilias, it must be admitted that my commerce with the Sex was mostly ofthe unluckiest description. I have been used most shamefully by women;but it behoves me not to complain, seeing how much felicity I waspermitted to enjoy in my latter days. This much, however, I willdiscreetly set down. That meeting Madam Taffetas in a side box at DruryLane play-house, She was pleased to accept my Addresses, and to informme that my conversation was in the highest degree tasteful to her. Ientertained her very handsomely--indeed much beyond my means, for I wasvery heavily in debt for necessaries, and I could scarcely walk thestreets without apprehensions of the grim Sergeant with his capias. Madam Taffetas was an exceedingly comely person, amazingly well dressed, and, as I was given to understand, in very prosperous circumstances. Shekept an Italian Warehouse by the Sign of The two Olive Posts, in thebroad part of the Strand, almost opposite to Exeter Change, and sold allsorts of Italian Silks, Lustrings, Satins, Paduasoys, Velvets, Damasks, Fans, Leghorn Hats, Flowers, Violin Strings, Books of Essences, VeniceTreacle, Balsams, Florence Cordials, Oil, Olives, Anchovies, Capers, Vermicelli, Bologna Sausages, Parmesan Cheese, Naples Soap, and similardelicate cates from foreign parts. All her friends put her down as aforty-thousand-pounder. In Brief, she professed to be satisfied with mygentility and Ancient Lineage, though worldly goods I had none to offerher. All congratulated me on my Good Fortune; and not wanting to makeany unnecessary bustle about the affair, we took coach one fine Mondaymorning down to Fleet Market, and were married by a Fleet parson--noneother, indeed, than my old friend Chaplain Hodge, who had taken to thisway of life and found it very profitable, marrying his twenty or thirtycouple a week, when Business was brisk, at fees varying from fiveguineas to seven-and-sixpence, and from a dozen of Burgundy to half apint of Geneva. But 'twas a rascally business, the venerable man said, and he sorely longed for the good old days when he, and I, and SquirePinchin, made the Grand Tour together. Alas, for that poor little man!His Reverence told me that he had gone from bad to worse; that his Mammahad married a knavish lawyer, who so bewildered Mr. Pinchin withMortgages, and Deeds of Gift, and Loans at usurious interest, that hegot at last the whole of his property from him, brought him in manythousands in debt besides, and, after keeping him for three years lockedup and half-starved in the Compter, was only forced to consent to hisenlargement when the unhappy little man--whose head was never of thestrongest, and his wits always going a wool-gathering--wentstark-staring mad, and was, by the City charity, removed to BedlamHospital in Moorfields. There he raved for a time, imagining himself tobe the Pope of Rome, with a paper-cap for a tiara, an ell-wand for acrosier, a blanket for a rochet, and bestowing his blessings on theother Maniacs with much force and vehemence; and there, poor dementedcreature, he died in the year 1740. 

Much better would it have been for me, had I gone straight off my Headand had been sent to howl in Bedlam, than that I should have marriedthat same thievish catamaran, Madam Taffetas. Surely never Madmandeserved a Dark House and a Whip more than I did for that most foolishlycontracted union. I defy Calumny to prove that I ever used anythingapproaching false Representations in this matter. I told her plainlythat my Hand, Sword, and Deep Devotion were all I had to offer, and thatfor mere vile pounds, shillings, and pence, and other MercantileArrangements, I must look to her. Absolutely I borrowed ten pieces, although I was then at a very Low Ebb, to defray the expenses of thewedding Treat, which was done most handsomely at the Bible and Crown, inPope's Head Alley, Cornhill. "Now then, " I said to myself, as we camehome towards the Strand (for we were resolved to have no foolishhoneymooning in the Country, but to remain in town and keep an eye toBusiness)--"now then, Jack Dangerous, thou art at last Married andSettled, and need trouble thyself no more about the cares and anxietiesof money-grubbing and bread-getting. Thou art tiled-in handsomely, Jack;thatched and fenced, and girt about with Comfort and Respectability. Thy hat is on, and thy house is covered. " Alas, poor fool! alas, triplydistilled zany and egregiously doting idiot! No sooner did a Hackneycoach set us down at the Leghorn Warehouse in the broad part of theStrand, than we found Margery the maid and Tom the shopboy in a greatconfusion of tears on the threshold; and immediately afterwards we heardthat during our absence to get married, Bailiffs had made theirentrance, and seized all the Merchandise for a bill owing by MadamTaffetas to her Factor of Seven Hundred Pounds. The false Quean that Iwas wedded to was hopelessly bankrupt, and with the greatest impudencein the world she calls upon me to pay the Money; the Bailiffs adding, with a grin, that to their knowledge she owed much more than theirExecution stood for, and that no doubt, so soon as it was bruited abroadthat I was her Husband, the Sheriff of Middlesex would have something tosay to me in the way of a capias against my person. In vain did I Raveand Swear, and endeavour to show that I could in no way be held liablefor Debts which I had never contracted. Such, I was told, was the Law;and such it remains to this day, to the Great Scandal of justice, andthe detriment of Gentlemen cavalieros who may be entrapped into marryingvulgar Adventuresses whom they deem Gentlewomen of Property, and whoturn out instead to be not worth two-pence-halfpenny in the world. Norwere words wanting to add dire Insult to this astounding Injury; forMadam Taffetas, now Dangerous, as I groaningly remembered, must needscall me Mercenary Rascal, Shuffling Pickthank, Low-mindedFortune-hunter, and the like unkind names. 

Madam Dangerous indeed! But I am thankful to Providence that the titleshe assumed very soon fell away from her, and that I was once more leftfree and Independent. For whilst we were in the very midst of HotDispute and violent Recrimination comes a great noise at the door asthough some one were striving to Batter it down. And then Margery themaid and Tom the shop-lad began to howl and yelp again, crying outMurder and thieves, and that they were undone, the Bailiffs smokingtheir Pipes and drinking their Beer meanwhile, as though they enjoyedthe Humours of the Scene hugely, and my wicked wife now pretending tofaint, and now making at me with the avowed Design of tearing my eyesout. Presently comes lurching and staggering into the room a GreatHulking Brute of a Man that was attired like a Sea Captain; and thisRoystering Tarpaulin makes up without more ado to my Precious Partner, gives her two sounding Busses on either side of her cheeks, and salutesher as his wife. 

"Your wife!" I cried, starting up; "why, she's my wife! I married herthis very morning, and to my sorrow, before Parson Hodge, theCouple-Beggar, at the Fleet. "

"That may be, Brother, " answers the Sea Captain, with drunken gravity;"but she's my wife, for all that. You married her this morning, you say. I married her five years ago, at Horsleydown, and in the Parish church. I've got the 'Stifficate to prove it; and though I say it thatshouldn't, there's not a Finer woman, with a neater ankle and such aDevil of a temper, to be found 'twixt Beachy Head and Cape Horn. "

"A fig for both of you, " bellows Madam Taffetas, who had gone into oneof her Sham Faints in the arm-chair, but was now conveniently recoveredagain. "If I'm married to both of you--to you, you pitiless Grampus"(this was to the Sea Captain), "and to you, Ruffian, Bully, andStabster" (this was to _me_), "I'm married to somebody else, and my realHusband is a Gentleman, who, if he were here, would quoit the pair ofyou into the street from Exeter Change to the Fox under the Hill. "

She said this in one Scream, and then Fainted, or pretended to Faintagain. 

"Brother, " said the Sea Captain to me, staggering a little (for heconfessed to having much mixed punch under hatches), but still verygrave, --"brother, I think as how it's clear that we're both of us d--dfools, and d--d lucky fellows at the same time. "

"Amen!" cries one of the Bailiffs, with a guffaw. 

"_You_ belay, " remarked the Captain, turning towards the vermin of Lawwith profound disdain. "Brother" (turning to me), "is the Press out?"

"What do you mean?" I inquired. "You know that there's no warrant forpress-gangs in this part of the Liberties of Westminster. "

"Liberty be Hanged!" quoth the Sea Captain. "If there was any liberty, there couldn't be a press, for which I don't care a groat, for I'm amaster mariner. This is what I mean. Is them landlubbers there part of apress-gang? Are you trapped, brother? Are you in the bilboes? Are you inany danger of being put under hatches?"

"Why, " upspoke one of the Bailiffs, answering for me, "the truth is thatwe are Sheriff's Sergeants, and have made seizure, according to due writof _fi. Fa. _ of this worthy lady's goods. We've nothing at all againstthe gentleman who says that he married her this morning; but as yousaid that you married her five years ago, it's very likely that we, orsome of our mates, shall have something to say to you, in the form ofparchment, between this and noon to-morrow. "

"Very well, " answers the Strange Seaman. "You speak like a Man o' War'schaplain, some Lies and some Lingo, but all of it d--d Larned. Have yougot ere a drop of rum, brother?"

"There's nothing here but some Three-Thread Swipes, " responds Mr. Bailiff; "and, indeed, we were waiting until the gentleman treated us tosomething better. "

"Then, " continues the Captain, "you shall have some rum. Younker, go andfetch these gentlemen some liquor;" and he flings a crown to theshop-lad. "You may drink your grog and blow your baccy, " he went on, "aslong as ever you like, and much good may it do you. And as for you, Pig-faced Nan, "--in this uncivil manner did he address the false MadamTaffetas, --"you may go to bed, or to the Devil, 'zactly as you choose, and settle your Business with the Bailiffs in the morning 'zactly as youlike. And you and I, brother, " he wound up, taking me by the arm inquite a friendly manner, "will just go and take our grog and blow ourbaccy in peace and quietness, and thank the Lord for it. "

All this he said with great thickness and indistinctness of utterance, but with an immovable gravity of countenance. I never saw a Man who wasmanifestly so Drunk speak so sensibly, and behave himself in such aproper manner in my life. 

As he turned on his heel to leave the parlour where all this took place, I saw one of the Bailiffs rise stealthily as if to follow us. 

"Belay there!" the Captain cried, advancing his mahogany paw in awarning manner. "Hold hard, shipmates. I'm a peaceable man, and aboardthey call me Billy the Lamb; but, by the Lord Harry, if I catch yousneaking about, or trying to find out where I and this noble gentlemanbe agoing, I'm blest if I don't split your skull in two with this herespeaking-trumpet. " And so saying the Captain produced a very long tintube, such as Mariners carry to make their voices heard at a distance atsea, but which they generally have aboard, and do not carry with them intheir walks. 

The Bailiffs were sensible men, and forbore to intermeddle with us anymore. So we marched out of the House, it being now about nine o'clock atnight; and, upon my word, from that moment to this, I never set eyesupon Madam Taffetas, or Dangerous, or Blokes, --for the Sea Captain'sname, he afterwards told me, was Blokes, --or whatever her real name was. It is very certain that she used me most scandalously, and cruellybetrayed the trusting confidence of one that was not only a Bachelor, but an Orphan. 

Captain Blokes was a strange character. We had a grand Carouse thatnight, he paying the Shot like a gentleman; and over our flowing Bowls, he told me that he had long had suspicions of his wife's realcharacter; and was, indeed, in possession of evidence (though he hadkept it secret) to prove that she had given herself in marriage toanother man before she had wedded him. And then, through theserving-lad, he had heard that very morning, on his coming into the Poolfrom Gravesend and Foreign Parts, that Madam, who thought him in Chinaat least, and hoped him Dead, was about to enter into Wedlock onceagain; so that, determined to have Sport, he had well Primed himselfwith Punch, and lurked about the neighbourhood until Monsieur Tomfooland his Spouse (by which I mean myself, although no other man shouldcall me so) had come home from the Fleet. And so all the Crying, andLord ha' Mercies, of the Wench and the Boy, were all subterfuges; andthey knew very well, the sly rogues, that the Sea Captain would soon beto the Fore. 

Nothing would suit him after this but that we should have Supper at theKing of Prussia's Head, in the Savoy, and, as I had given up my Lodgingsas not Grand enough for me on the eve of my wedding, and the Vessel ofwhich he was Commander was lying in the Pool, that we should haveBeds--at his charges--at the same Tavern; and, indeed, your SeafaringMen, although rough enough, and smelling woundily of tar andbilge-water, are the most Hospitable Creatures breathing; and that makesMe so free with my Money when there is a treat afoot; albeit I can, without Vanity, declare myself Amphibious, for I have seen as muchservice by Sea as by Land, and have always approved myself a Gentlemanof Courage, Honour, and Discretion, on both Elements. 

The next morning, after a Nip of Aquavitæ, to clear the Cobwebs out ofour throats, we went down to Billingsgate, where we saw my old humorousacquaintances, Brandy Sall, the fishwife, and the humorous porter, theDuke of Puddledock; likewise a merry Wag that did porterage work for theFish Factors in the Market, and thereby seemed to have caught somewhatof the form of the fish beneath which his shoulders were continuallygroaning, so that all who could take that liberty with him called himCod's Head and Shoulders. Here we breakfasted on new Oysters and FriedFlounders, with a lappet of Kippered Salmon, for Goodman Thirst's sake, and a rare bowl of hot Coffee, which made us relish a Jug of Punchafterwards in a highly jocund manner. And then we fell to conversation;and I, who had nothing to Conceal, and nothing to be Ashamed of, didrecount those of my Adventures which I deemed would be most diverting(for I forbore to tell him those which were tedious and uneventful) toCaptain Blokes. And he, not to be behindhand in frank confidence, toldme how many years he had been at sea; how many merchant vessels he hadcommanded; and what Luck he had had in his divers Trading Adventures. Likewise, that he was now under engagement with some very worthyMerchants of Bristol, to man, equip, and command a vessel called the_Marquis_, which, in company with two others, the _Hope_ and the_Delight_, were about to undertake a Cruising Voyage round the World. Finding from my speech that I was not wholly unaccustomed to the Sea, and being made acquainted with what I had done in the West Indies andelsewhere, Captain Blokes was pleased to say that I was the very man forhim, if I would join him. And at this time, in verity, it seemed asthough nothing could suit me better; for my Resources were quiteexhausted, and I was brought very Low. So, after some further parley, and a good Beefsteak and Onions, and a bottle of Portugee Wine fordinner, we went to the Scrivener's in Thames Street, by the name ofPritchett, that was Agent for the Company of Merchant Adventurers atBristol; and an Agreement was drawn up, by which, for Fifty Shillings amonth pay, all due rations and allowances, and a certain proportion ofthe profits to be divided among the Ship's Company at the termination ofour Adventure, I bound myself to serve Captain Blokes as Secretary andPurser of the ship _Marquis_. 

"Which means, " says he, when we had taken a Dram and shaken hands onsigning articles, "that you are to Write, Fight, Drink, and keepAccompts, play put with me in the Cabin, assist me in preserving theDiscipline of the Ship, sing a good song when you are called upon, helpthe Doctor to take care of the sick, and see that the Steward don'tsteal the Grog and Tobacco; and if you'll stick to me, by the LordHarry, Billy Blokes will stick to you. I like you because you were sucha d--d fool as to go and marry that old woman. "

The next day we took Coach at the Swan, by Paddington Church, forBristol, and two days afterwards arrived at that great and flourishingMercantile city. Nothing worthy of note on the road; the Highwaymen, that were wont to be so troublesome, being mostly put down, owing toJustice Fielding and De Vit's stringent measures. We were much besetwith gangs of wild Irish coming over from their own country a-harvestingin our fertile fields; and those gentry were like to have bred a riot, quarrelling with the English husbandmen at Stow. Being at Bristol, comfortably housed at the Bible and Crown in Wine Street, --the landlordmuch given to swearing, but one of the best hands at making of Mum thatever I knew, --Captain Blokes had great work in settling business withthe Company of Merchant Adventurers and Alderman Quarterbutt, theirPresident. As it seems we were at war with the French and Spaniards, the_Marquis_ (burden about 320 tons) was to carry twenty-six guns and acomplement of 108 men, letters of marque being granted to us by privateCommission, with secret instruction as to Prizes and Plunder, so thatthe disposal of both should redound to the advantage of the Mariners, the Profit of our Employers, and the honour of His Majesty's arms. Wehad nigh double the usual complement of officers usual in private ships, to prevent Mutinies, which ofttimes happen in long voyages, and that wemight have a large provision for a succession of officers in case ofMortality. In the _Marquis_ we had Captain Blokes, commander-in-chief ofthe whole Armament, a Mariner; a Second Captain, who was a Dr. OfPhysick, and also acted as President of our Committee (having muchbook-learning), and Commander of the Marines; two Leftenants; a SailingMaster; a Pilot that was well acquainted with the South Seas, havingbeen in those latitudes twice before; a Surgeon and his Mate, orLoblolly Boy; Self as Secretary and Purser; two young lawyers, designedto act as Midshipmen; Giles Cash, as Reformado, --that was the title ofcourtesy given to those who were sent to sea in lieu of being hanged; aGunner and his crew; a Boatswain, cooper, carpenter, sailmaker, smith, and armourer, ship's corporal, Sergeant of Marines, cook; a Negro thatcould shave and play the fiddle; and the Ship's company as aforesaid, one-third of whom were foreigners of every nation under the Sun; and ofthose that were His Majesty's subjects, many Tinkers, Tailors, Haymakers, Pedlars, &c. --a terribly mixed Gang, requiring muchthree-strand cord to keep 'em in order. 

On the 2nd August, 1748, we weighed from King's Road, by Bristol, and atten at night, having very little wind, anchored between the Holms andMinehead. Coming on a fresh gale at S. E. And E. S. E. , we ran by Mineheadat six in the morning. Next day the wind veered to N. E. And E. N. E. ; onthe 4th there was but little wind, and smooth water; on the 5th we sawLand; and finding that we had overshot our port, which was Cork, came toan anchor at noon off the two rocks near Kinsale. At eight at night weweighed, having a Kinsale Pilot on board, who was like to haveendangered our safety, the night being dark and foggy, and the Pilot notunderstanding his Business; so that he nearly turned us into the nextBay to the westward of Cork, which provoked Captain Blokes to chastisehim publicly on the quarter-deck. Our two consorts got into Cork beforeus, and we did not anchor in the Cove until the 7th August, at three inthe afternoon. We stayed here until the 28th of the month, getting instores and provisions, and replacing as many of our tailors andhaymakers as we could with real Sailors that could work the Ship. Ourcrew, however, were continually Marrying while we were at Cork, to thegreat Merriment of Self and Captain Blokes, who had seen enough and tospare of that Game; but they _would_ be Spliced, although they expectedto sail immediately; among others, there was a Danish man coupled by aRomish Priest to an Irish woman, without understanding a word of eachother's language, so that they were forced to use an Interpreter; yet Iperceived this pair seemed more afflicted at separation than any of therest. The Fellow continued melancholy for many days after we were atSea. The rest, understanding each other and the world better, dranktheir cans of Flip till the very last Minute, concluded with a health toour good voyage and their next Happy Meeting, and then Departed, quiteunconcerned. 

We took sailing orders on the 1st of September; and then Captain Blokesdiscovered to the crew whither we were bound, --that is to say, on a fouryears' voyage, --in order that, if any Disorders should arise among us, we might exchange our Malcontents while in company with one of HisMajesty's ships. But no complaint was found on board the _Marquis_, except from one fellow who was expected to have been Tithing man thatyear in his Parish, and said his wife would be obliged to pay Fortyshillings in his absence; but seeing all hands satisfied, he was easilyquieted, and drank with the rest to a prosperous voyage. On the 2ndSeptember we, having cleaned and tallowed our ship's five streaks belowthe Water-line, the fiddler struck up "Lumps o' Pudding, " and to followthat "Cold and Raw, " the Ship's company joining chorus with a will, andso fell down to the Spit End by the _Culloden_ Man of War, as our twoConsorts had done the Night before. When we came to the Spit End, Captain Blokes saluted the _Culloden_ with seven Guns, to which theyreturned Five in courtesy, and then we again Three for thanks. And socommenced my Journey round the World. 

CHAPTER THE SECOND. 

MERCATOR HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT. 

MEANING simply this, that I have often and often, as a little Lad, gazedupon the Great Map--very yellow, and shiny, and cracked on its canvasmounting it was--of the World, upon Mercator's Projection, and devoutlylonged for the day to arrive when it might be my fortune to make aVoyage of Circumnavigation. Such a Map, I remember, hung in theSchoolroom at Gnawbit's; and I have often been cruelly beaten for gazingat it and pondering over it, instead of endeavouring to commit to memorya quantity of Words, the meaning of which I could not for the life of meunderstand. 

Now, indeed, I had got my Desire, and was going round the World in aShip well found with Men and Stores, occupying myself a responsibleposition, and one giving me some Authority, and enjoying the fullConfidence of my Commander, who was, both when sober and inebriated (andhe was mostly the latter), one of the most sagacious men I ever knew. Hespoke seldom, and then generally with a Hiccup; but what he said wasalways to the Purpose. I doubt not, if Captain Blokes had been in theRoyal Navy, he would by this time be flying his pendant as Admiral. 

'Twould fill a volume to give you a Narrative, however brief, of ourVoyage. One does not go round the World quite so easily as a Cit takinga Wherry from Lambeth Walk to Chelsea Reach. No, no, my Masters; thereare Perils to encounter, Obstacles to overcome, Difficulties tosurmount; and I flatter myself that Jack Dangerous was not found wantingwhen a Stout Heart, a Strong Hand, and a Clear Head were needed. Irepeat that 'tis impossible for me to give you an exact Log of solengthy a Cruise; and you must needs be content if I set down a fewbare Items of the most notable Things that befell us. 

On 11th September we chased a strange Sail, and after three hours cameup with her. She proved to be a Swedishman. After firing a couple ofshots at full Random at her, to show that we meant Mischief if provoked, and one of which Shots, I believe, passed over her Taffrail, and killeda Black Servant and the Captain's Monkey, Captain Blokes boarded her inhis Yall; examined the Master, and searched the Ship for Contraband ofWar; but not finding any save a suspicious quantity of salted Reindeer'sTongues, our Committee agreed that she could not be considered a lawfulPrize; and not being willing to hinder time by carrying her into anyHarbour for further Examination, we let her go without the leastEmbezzlement. The Master gave us a dozen of his Reindeer Tongues, and apiece of dry Rufft Beef; and we presented him with a dozen bottles ofRed-streak Cider. But while Captain Blokes and the Doctor of Physic andSelf were aboard the Swede taking a social Glass with him, our rascallycrew took it into their heads to Mutiny, their Grievance being that thevessel was a Contraband, and ought to be made a Prize of. The plaintruth was, that the Rogues thirsted for Plunder. The Boatswain was oneof the Mutineers. Him we caused to receive Four Dozen from the hands ofhis own Mates, and well laid on; about a dozen of the rest we put inIrons, after having Drubbed 'em soundly, and fed 'em uponBread-and-Water; but at the end of a few days they begged Pardon, and, on promising Amendment, were allowed to return to their Duty. 

18th September we came in sight of Pico Teneriffe, bearing S. W. By W. , distant about eight leagues. This day we spied a Sail under our Lee Bow, between the Islands of Grand Canaries and Forteventura. She showed us aclean Pair of Heels; but we gave Chase, and after seven hours came upwith her. She proved a Prize, safe enough: a Spanish Bark, about 25tons, with some 45 Passengers, who rejoiced much when they found wewere English, having fancied that we were Turks or Sallee Rovers. Amongst our Prisoners were four Friars, and with them the Padre Guardianof Forteventura, a good, honest old fellow, fat, and given to jollity. Him we made heartily merry, drinking the Spanish King's Health, fornaught else would he Toast. After we had made all Snug, we stood to theWestward with our Prize to Teneriffe, to have her ransomed, that is tosay, her Hull; for her Cargo was not worth redeeming, being extremelyshabby, --one or two Butts of Wine, a Hogshead of Brandy, and other smallmatters, which we determined to keep for our own use. The Spanish Donsmade a mighty pother about paying, pleading that the Trade of theseIslands enjoyed an immunity from Privateering by arrangement between hisCatholic Majesty and the King of Great Britain, and were even secondedby some English merchants of Teneriffe that were frightened at thethought of the cruel Reprisals the Dons might exercise after we wentaway, both on their Persons and Properties; for Jack Spaniard is onethat, if he cannot have Meal, will have Malt. But we soon let 'em knowthat Possession was Nine Points of the Law, and that we were resolved tostick to our Prize unless we got Ransom, which they presently agreed to. At eight o'clock the next morning we stood into the Port, close to theTown, and spied a Boat coming off, which proved to be the DeputyGovernor, a Spanish Don with as many names as an English pickpocket hasAliases, and one Mr. Harbottle, that was English Vice-Consul. Theybrought us Wine, Figs, Grapes, Hogs, and other Necessaries, as Ransom inKind for the Bark; and accordingly we restored her, as also thePrisoners, with as much as we could find of what belonged to theirPersons; although, Truth to tell, some of our wild Reformadoes had usedthem somewhat unhandsomely. All the Books, Crucifixes, Reliques, andother superstitious things, we carefully gave back to the Friars; to thePadre a large Cheese, at which he was much delighted; and to anotherReligious, who had been stripped nearly as bare as a Robin, a pair ofBreeches and a Red Nightcap. And so stood off, giving Three Cheers forKing George, and one, with better luck next time, for the King of Spain;and I doubt not that they cursed us heartily that same night in theirChurches, for Heretics. Now we had an indifferent good stock of Liquor, to be the better able to endure the Cold when we got to the length ofCape Horn, which, we were informed, had always very Cold Weather nearit. 

On the 25th, according to custom, we Ducked those that had never passedthe Tropic before. The manner of doing it was to reeve a Rope in theMainyard, to hoist 'em about half-way up to the Yard, and let 'em fallat once into the Water; they being comfortably Trussed by having a Stick'cross through their Legs, and well fastened to the Rope, that theymight not be surprised and let go their Hold. This proved of great useto our Fresh-water Sailors, to recover the Colour of their Skins, whichhad grown very Black and Nasty. Those that we Ducked in this mannerThree Times were about 60; and others that would not undergo it couldredeem themselves by a Fine of Half-a-Crown, to be Levied and Spent at aPublic Meeting of all the Ships' Companies when we returned to England. The Dutchmen we had on board, and some few English, desired to beDucked, some six, others eight and ten times, to have the better titlefor being Treated when they came home. 

On the 1st October we made St. Vincent, where our Water began to smellinsufferably; so had some Coopers from the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to makeus Casks, and take in a fresh Stock. 

On the 3d we sent a boat to St. Antonio, with one of our Gunners' Crewthat was a very fair Linguist, to get Truck for our Prize Goods what wewanted; they having plenty of Cattle, Pigs, Goats, Fowls, Melons, Potatoes, Limes, and ordinary Brandies, Tobacco, Indian Corn, &c. Ourpeople were very meanly stocked with Clothes; yet we were forced towatch our men very narrowly, and Punish some of 'em smartly, to preventtheir selling what Garments they had, for mere Trifles, to the Negroes. 

We got all we wanted by the 8th; but our Linguist gave us leg-bail; andas he was much given to telling of Lies, we did not go to the pains ofsending a party of Marines on shore after him. This is the place whitherthe Blacks come from St. Nicholas to make Oil of Turtle for theanointing of their Nasty Bodies withal. There was much good Green Turtleat this time of the year, which made me think of my old Jamaica days;but our men, in a body, refused to eat it, much preferring Salt Junk. 

_Item. _--Many Flying Fish about here. 

Nothing more worthy of note till the 22d October, when Mr. Page, SecondMate, made an attack on his superior officer, the Doctor of Physic, witha Marline-spike; and, but for a very large Periwig he wore, which wasaccounted odd in one having a Maritime Command, would have finished him. Mr. Page was had to the Forecastle and clapped in the Bilboes, andCaptain Blokes was for Hanging him off-hand as an Example to the rest;but I, as Secretary, pointed out to him that there was no Power of Lifeand Death in our Instructions, and that it would be folly to run therisk of a Præmunire when we made Home again. With much trouble Isucceeded in dissuading him from his Design: so that the Mate was onlylashed to the Main-gears and soundly Drubbed. Fair, pleasant Weather, and a fresh Gale. One that had secreted a Peruke, and a pair of scarletStockings with silver Clocks, out of the plunder of the Spanish Bark, did also receive Rib-roasting enough (this was on a Sunday, afterPrayers) to last him for a fortnight. 

On the 10th of November, after a terrific Tornado and Thunder andLightning, that frightened some of our Tailors and Haymakers half intoFits, we came to an Anchor in 22-fathom water, in a sandy bay off theland of Brazil. Caught some Tortoises for their Shells, for they havetoo strong a taste to be Eatable. A Portugee boat came from a Cove inthe Island of Grande, on our Starboard side, and said they had beenrobbed by the French not long since. Captain Blokes, the Doctor, andSelf went ashore to Angre de Keys, as it is called in Sea-Draughts; but, as the Portugee call it, Nostra Senora de la Concepcion, a small villageabout three leagues distant, to wait on the Governor, and make him apresent of Butter and Cheese. As we neared the shore, the People, takingus for Mounseers, fired a few Musquetoons at us, which did us no Hurt;and when they found out who we were, they very Humbly Begged our Pardon. The Friars invited us to their Convent, and told us they had been sooften stripped and abused by King Lewis's frog-eating Subjects, thatthey were obliged to take measures to Defend themselves; and, indeed, 'twas these said Padres who had fired at us. The Governor was gone toRio Janeiro, a city about twelve leagues distant, but was expected backnext day. We got our empty Casks ashore, and sent our Carpenter, with afriendly Portugee, to look out Wood for Trustle-trees, both our Main andFore being broke; but the Weather was so Wet and violent Sultry, thatwe could do nothing. Here are abundant Graves of Dead Men; and thePortugees told us that two great French ships, homeward bound from theSouth Seas, that Watered in this same place about nine months before, had buried nearly Half their men here; but 'twas at the Sickly season, and the French have a marvellous foul way of Living. The people veryCivil; and we offered 'em handsome Gratuities if they would catch suchof our men as might run away, which they promised to do most Cheerfully. 

Hearing of a Brigantine (this was some days afterwards) at the entranceof the Bay of Grande, we sent our Pinnace manned and armed to know allabout her. She turned out to be a Portugee laden with Negroes, poorCreatures! for the Gold-mines. Our boat returned, and brought aspresents a Roove of Fine Sugar and a Pot of Sweetmeats from the Master, who spoke a little English, and had formerly sailed with 'em. ThePortugees are cautious in saying how far it is to the Gold-mines; but, Ibelieve, the distance by water is not great; and there is certainlyabundance of Gold in the country. The French took about 1200_l. _ worthout of their boats last autumn at one Haul, which makes the Portugeeshate 'em so. Some of 'em brought us a Monstrous Creature which they hadkilled, having Prickles or Quills like a Hedgehog, and the head and tailof a Monkey. It stank abominably, which the Portugees said was only theSkin, and that the Meat of it was very Delicious, and often used for thetable; but our men not being yet on Short Commons, none of 'em hadStomach enough to try the Experiment, so that we were forced to throw itoverboard to make a Sweet Ship. Our people could now hardly go ashorewithout being frightened, as they thought, by Tigers, and holloaing tobe taken aboard again; but there was nothing more dangerous hereaboutsthan Apes and Baboons. 

Twenty-seventh November was a grand Festival at Angre de Keys, in honourof one of their Saints. We, and most of our officers from the _Hope_ andthe _Delight_, went ashore and were received by the Governor, SignorRaphael da Silva Lagos, with much civility. He asked if we would see theConvent and Procession; and on our telling him our Religion differedvery much from his, answered that we were willing to see it withoutpartaking in the Ceremony. We waited on him in a Body, being ten of us, with two Trumpets and Hautboys, which he desired might play us toChurch, where our Music did the office of an Organ, but separate fromthe Singing, which was very well chanted by the Padres. Our Trumpets andHautboys played "Hey Boys, up go we!" and all manner of paltry noisytunes; and, after service, the Musicians, who were by this time morethan half-drunk, marched at the head of the Company: next to them an oldPadre and two Friars, carrying Lamps of Incense. Then the Image of theSaint, as Fine as a Milkmaid's Garland, borne on a Bier, all spangled, on the shoulders of four men, and bedizened out with Flowers, Wax-candles, &c. After these, the Padre Guardian of the Convent, andabout forty Priests in their full Habits. Next came the Governor;Captain Blokes, in a blue Navy Coat laced with Gold, a pair ofscarlet-velvet Breeches, and a Military Hat; and the rest of the Englishofficers in their very best Apparel. I was fit to die a-laughing, andwhispered to our Doctor of Physic, that had I known I was fated to walkin such a Procession, I would never have sold my old Tower Warder'sslashed doublet to the Frippery Man in Monmouth Street, but would havebrought it round the World with me to wear at this Outlandish place. Each of us had, moreover, in Compliment to his Saintship, a long Candle, lighted, in his hand; the which gave us great Diversion, flaring thetapers about, and seeking to smoke one another. The Ceremony held abouttwo hours, after which we were splendidly entertained at the Convent, and then by the Governor at the Guard-house, his own habitation beingabout three leagues off. It is to be noted, they Kneeled at everyCrossway, and turning, walked round the Convent, and came in at anotherdoor, bowing down and paying their devotion to the Images and theWax-candles, with the like superstitious observances. They unanimouslytold us, however, that they expected nothing from us but our Company;and, beyond the Trumpets and Hautboys, and a jolly Song or two from us, they had no more. Many Sharks were in the Road, that keep the NegroSlaves in good order, should they, poor Black Fellows, attempt Escape toany foreign ship by swimming to her. But the Portugees are not very hardwith their Negroes, save up at the Gold-mines, where Mercy is quiteunknown. _Aqua d'oro_ may be a very good Eye-water; but, sure, there'snothing like it for hardening of the Heart. 

On the 28th of this Month we bade farewell to our kind friends of Angrede Keys. Just before sailing we sent a Boat to the town for moreNecessaries, and brought off some Gentlemen, whom we treated to the verybest we could. They were very glorious, and in their Cups proposed thePope's Health to us; but we were quits with 'em by toasting that of theArchbishop of Canterbury; and, to keep up the humour, we also proposedMartin Luther: but this fell flat, as they had never Heard of him;whereas that of his Grace at Lambeth turned out rather against us thanfor us; for they cried out that they knew him very well, and that he wasa Catholic Saint, under the style and title of San Tomaso de Cantorberi. 

December 1st, we weighed with a breeze at N. E. ; but later came on a galeS. S. W. , forcing us to anchor close under the Island of Grande. About 10next morning we weighed again, and bore away and steered away S. W. Nowthe product of Brazil is well known to be Red Wood, Sugars, Gold, Tobaccos (of every kind, and very choice), Whale Oil, Snuff, and severalsorts of Drugs. The Portugees build their best ships here. The peoplevery Martial; and 'tis but a few years since they would be under noGovernment, but have now submitted to the House of Braganza, which makesa Pretty Penny out of them. Their Customs are very nasty; their Housesmarvellously foul; and they are for ever smoking of Tobacco; but thePortugees are still a very friendly folk, cordial to us English, although they call us Heretics, and, but for their great love forroasting Jews, very tender-hearted. I like them much better than thoseProud Paupers the Spaniards. A Beggar on Horseback is bad enough; butGoodness deliver us from a Beggar on an Andalusian Jackass!

_Memorandum. _--Brazil discovered by the famous Americus Vespucius, thatcame after Captain Christopher Colomb. 

Nothing remarkable happened until December 6th, when we had close cloudyWeather, with Showers; and, after that, some pretty sharp Gales. On the15th the colour of the water changed; and we sounded, but had no ground. On the 18th one of the _Hope's_ men fell out of the Mizen-top on theQuarter-deck, and broke his Skull; so that he died, and was buried nextday. A brisk fellow, that, from his merry ways, used to be calledBrimstone Jemmy. After this, cold airy weather, and numbers ofPorpoises, black on their backs and fins, with sharp white Noses. Theyoften leaped high up in the water, showing their white bellies. Also, aplenty of seals. December 23d we saw Land, appearing first in three, andafterwards in several Islands. The Wind being westerly, and blowingfresh, we could not weather it, but were forced to bear away and runalong Shore from three to four leagues distant. This we saw first wasFalkland's Land, described in few Draughts, and none lay it down right, though the Latitude agrees pretty well. December 25th saw Land again;but could not get near enough to see whether it was inhabited; in truthwe were too much in a hurry to think of making Discoveries; for at fourin the Afternoon we sighted a Sail under our Lee-bow, gave chase, andgot ground of her apace till Night came on. In the Morning we sawnothing, it being thick hazy Weather; then, as ill luck would have it, it fell Calm, and having nothing else to do we Piped all hands toPunishment, and gave the Cook three dozen for burning Captain Blokes'burgoo. Then Grog served out, and we took an Observation. Lat. 52·40. 

We kept on rowing and towing with Sweeps, and our Boats ahead, untilabout six in the Evening; and the Chase appearing to be a large ship, wesent Boats aboard our Consorts, and agreed to engage her. A fine breezesprang up, and we got in our Sweeps and Boats, making all possible sail;it came on thick again; but we kept her open on the Larboard, and the_Hope_ and _Delight_ on the Starboard bow, and it being now ShortNights, we thought it impossible to lose one another. But the Masterpersuaded our Commander to shorten sail, saying that we should lose ourConsorts if we kept on. Another Fog, and be hanged to it; but the nextmorning the Yellow Curtain was lifted up, and we saw the Chase aboutfour miles ahead, which gave us a new Life. We ran at a great Rate, itbeing smooth water; but it coming on to blow more and more, the Chaseoutbore our Consorts, and being to windward she gave off, and then camedown very melancholy to us, supposing her to be a French Homeward-boundShip from the South Seas. Thus, this Ship escaped; and left us all, fromthe Commander to the Cabin-boys (who had a hard time of it that night, you may be sure), in the most doleful Dumps. 

Strong gales to the 1st of January. This being New-Year's Day, everyofficer was wished a Merry New Year by our Trumpets and Hautboys; and wehad a large tub of Punch, hot, upon the Quarter-deck, where every man inthe Ship had above a Pint to his share, and drank to our Owners' andFriends' healths in Great Britain, to a Happy New Year, a good Voyage, plenty of Plunder (Wo is me for that Homeward-bound Frenchman from theSouthern Seas!), and a Safe Return. And then we bore down on ourConsorts and gave them three Huzzas, wishing them the like. 

Now, it being very raw cold Weather, we very much dreaded scudding uponIce; so we fired Guns as Signals for the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to bringto, and on the 5th of January brought ourselves to, under the samereefed Topsails. We feared at one time, from our Consorts having anEnsign in their Maintopmast shrouds, as a Signal of Distress, that theyhad sprung their Mainmast; so we made the Large again, our Ship workingvery well in a mighty great sea. When we were able to get within Hail ofour Consorts, we asked them how they did, and how they had come to hoistthe Wretched Rag. They answered, Pretty well, but that they had shippeda great deal of Water in lying by, and being forced to put before thewind, the Sea had broke in at the Cabin Windows, filling the Steerageand Waist, and was like to have spoiled several Men; but, Heaven bethanked! all else was indifferent well with 'em; only it was intolerablyCold, and everything Wet. Captain Blokes sent me on board the _Delight_in our Yall, and I found them in a very disorderly Pickle, with alltheir Clothes a-drying: the Ship and Rigging covered with 'em from theDeck to the Maintop. They got six of their Guns into the Hold, to makethe Ship lively. 

Aboard the _Marquis_ died, on the 8th, John Veale, a Landsman, havinglain ill a Fortnight, and had a Swelling in the Legs ever since he leftthe Island of Grande. At nine at night we buried him; and this was thefirst we had lost by Sickness since we left England. Until the 15th, cloudy Weather with Squalls of Rain, and fresh Gales at S. W. We nowaccounted ourselves round Cape Horn, and so in the South Seas. TheFrench ships that first came to trade in these seas were wont to comethrough the Straits of Magellan; but Experience has taught 'em since, that this is the best Passage to go round the Horn, where they have SeaRoom enow, without being crushed and crowded as at a RanelaghMasquerade; and the Straits are in many places very narrow, with strongTides and no Anchor Ground. 

On the 31st of January, at seven in the Morning, we made the Island ofJuan Fernandez, bearing W. S. W. , and about two in the Afternoon wehoisted our Pinnace out, and essayed to send one of our Lieutenantsashore, though we could not be less than four leagues off. As soon as itwas Dark our men cried out that they saw a Light ashore; our Boat wasthen about a mile from the Shore, and bore away for the Ship on ourfiring a Quarter-deck Gun, and several Muskets, showing Lanterns in ourMizen and Foreshrouds, that the Pinnace might find us again, whilst weplied to the lee of the Island. About two in the Morning she cameaboard, all safe. Next day we sent our Yall ashore about noon with theMaster and Six Men, all well Armed; meanwhile we cleared all ready forAction on board the _Marquis_. Our Boat did not return, so we sent ourPinnace with the Crew, likewise Armed: for we were afraid that theSpaniards might have had a Garrison there, and so seized 'em. However, the Pinnace returned, and brought abundance of Crawfish, but foundnothing human; so that the alarm about the Light must have been a meresuperstition of the Ship's Company. 

_It was at this same Island of Juan Fernandez, in the year of our Lord1708-9, that Captain Woodes Rogers, commanding the "Duke" Frigate, andwith whom also Captain Dampier, that famous Circumnavigator, sailed, found a Man clothed in Goatskins, who looked wilder than they who hadbeen the first owners of 'em. He had been on the Island four years andfour months, being left there by Captain Stradling in the "CinquePorts;" his name was_ ALEXANDER SELKIRK, _a Scottish man, who had beenSailing Master to the "Cinque Ports;" but quarrelling with theCommander, was by him accused of Mutiny, and so Abandoned on thisUninhabited Island. During his stay he saw several Ships pass by, butonly two came to an Anchor. As he went to view 'em he found they wereSpaniards, and so retired, upon which they Shot at him. Had they beenFrench, he would have submitted; but chose to risk his dying alone onthe Island rather than fall into the hands of the Spaniards, because heapprehended they would Murder him, or make a Slave of him in the Mines;for he feared they would spare no Stranger that might be capable ofDiscovering the South Sea. He had with him when left his Clothes andBedding, with a Firelock, some Powder, Bullets, and Tobacco, a Hatchet, a Knife, a Kettle, a Bible, some practical Pieces, and some MathematicalInstruments and Books. During the first eight months of his stay hesuffered much from Melancholy and Terror; but afterwards got on prettywell. He built two Huts with Pimento Wood, which he also burnt for Fueland Candle; and which, besides, refreshed him with its fragrant smell. He had grown very Pious in his Retreat, and was much given to singing ofPsalms, having before led a very naughty life. Being a very good sailor, Captain Woodes Rogers took him away with him as Second Mate. He told 'emthat he had been at first much pestered with Cats and Rats, the latterof which gnawed his feet and clothes, so that he was obliged to cherishthe Cats with Goat's-flesh, and they grew so familiar with him as to lieabout him in hundreds. But I cannot stay to recount half the wonderfulAdventures of Mr. Selkirk. I knew him afterwards, a very old Man, lodging with one Mrs. Branbody, that kept a Chandler's Shop over againstthe Jews' Harp Tavern at Stepney. He was wont bitterly to complain thatthe Manuscript in which he had written down an Account of his Life atJuan Fernandez had been cozened out of him by some crafty Booksellers;and that a Paraphrase, or rather Burlesque, of it, in a most garbled andmutilated form, had been printed as a Children's Story-book, under thename of_ ROBINSON CRUSOE. _This was done by one Mr. Daniel Foe, aNewswriter, who, in my Youth, stood in the Pillory by Temple Bar, for asedition in some plaguey Church-matters. But it is fitting to let theseGentry know that they have Ears, lest they become too Saucy. _

CHAPTER THE THIRD. 

THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO EUROPE. 

NOW, being got away from Juan Fernandez, did an unconquerable Greed andLonging for Prize and Plunder come over us; and did we sweep the Horizonhour after hour as long as it was Light, in hope of satisfaction to ourlong-deferred Hope. March 2d we sighted Land, and a vast high ridge ofMountains they call the Cordilleras, and are in the Country of Chili. Some parts are, I believe, full as high, if not higher, than the Pico ofTeneriffe, and the tops of all of 'em covered with Snow. This day wecame to an allowance of Three Pints of Water a day for each man; judgingit best to be Economical, although we had a good stock of water aboard(taken in at Juan Fernandez); but Captain Blokes' reason was, to be ableto keep at Sea for some time longer, and take some Prizes to keep theDeuce out of our pockets, without being discovered by Watering; for ourSouth-Sea Pilot told us that the timorous people of these Latitudes oncesmelling an Enemy hovering about, will put to sea with nothing of valuefrom one end of the Coast to the other. Much baffled by several whiteRocks that looked like Ships, and Captain Blokes much incensed atcontinual Disappointments, takes to making the Cabin-boy weary of hislife; and after drubbing him with a Rope's end three times doubled, wasfor sousing him in the Pickle-tub; but I dissuaded him (remembering theTorments I had myself endured as a Moose; and even now when I think of'em I am Afraid, and Trembling takes hold of my Flesh), and so no morewas Done to him, beyond a Threat that he should be Keel-hauled nexttime; although the poor lad had in no way misbehaved himself. We got thetwo Pinnaces into the water, to try 'em under sail, having fixed eachof 'em with a Gun, after the manner of a Patterero, to be useful assmall Privateers, hoping they'd be serviceable to us in little winds totake vessels. March 15th, Land again, and we supposed it was Lobos; andsure enough, on the 17th, we got well unto anchor off that Island, butfound nobody at the place. On the 19th we determined to fit out oursmall Bark for a Privateer, and launched her into blue water, under thename of the _Beginning_. To his great pride and delight, Captain Blokesappointed the Doctor of Physic to command her. She was well built forsailing, so she was had round to a small Cove in the Southernmost partof Lobos. A small Spar out of the _Marquis_ made a Mainmast for her, andone of our Mizen Topsails was altered to make her a Mainsail. March21st, All being ready, and the _Beginning_ christened by Captain Blokesemptying a Bowl of hot Punch over her bow, she was victualled from thegeneral store; and the Doctor of Physic, who, for all his Degree, claimed to be a good Mariner, took possession of his high and importantcommand. Twenty men from our ship, and ten from our Consorts, were putaboard her, all well Armed. We saw her out of the Harbour, and shelooked very pretty, having all Masts, Sails, Rigging, and Materials, like one of those Half Galleys fitted out for his Majesty's Service inEngland. They gave our Ship's Company three Huzzas, and we returned themthe like at parting. We told the Captain-Doctor that if we were forcedout of the Road, or gave chase hence, we would leave a Glass Bottle, buried under a remarkable Great Stone agreed upon, with Letters in it, to give an Account of how it was with us at the moment of our Departure, and where to meet again. And he was to do the like. When the _Beginning_was gone we fell to and scrubbed Ship, getting abundance of Barnaclesoff her much bigger than Mussels. Seals numerous, but not so many as atJuan Fernandez. A large one seized upon a fat Dutchman that belonged tous, and had like to have pulled him into the water, biting him to thebone about the arms and legs. This Hollander was henceforth known asthe Lord Chancellor, having been so very near the Great Seal. Afterbarnacling, we gave the _Marquis_ a good Keel, and Tallowed her lowdown. Another Dutchman we had died of the Scurvy. His Messmates saidthat it was because we had no more Cheese aboard, and that we could notcatch Red Herrings by angling for them in Blue Water. 

March 28th. The little _Beginning_ came in with a Prize, called the_Santa Josepha_, bound from Guayaquil to Truxillo, 50 tons burden, fullof Timber, with some Cocoa-nuts and Tobacco. A very paltry Spoil. Therewere about twelve Spaniards aboard, who told us (after some littlePersuasion, in the way of Drubbing) that the Widow of the late Viceroyof Peru would shortly embark at Acapulco, with her Family and Riches, and stop at Payta to Refresh; and that about eight months ago there wasa Galleon with 200, 000 pieces of Eight on board, that passed Payta onher way to Acapulco. They continued, however, to Lie and Contradictthemselves when questioned; and so (as they howled most dismally on deckwhile under Punishment) they were had down to the Cockpit, where theBoatswain and his Mates had their Will of them, and I don't know whatbecame of them afterwards. These Spanish Prisoners give a great deal ofTrouble. 

April 2d. The Superstitious among us were heartily frightened at theColour of the Water, which for several miles looked as Red as any Blood. Some fellows among the crew that were of a Preaching Turn, gave out thatthis unusual appearance was an Omen, or Warning to us of Judgmentscoming for what had been done to the Spanish Prisoners (in the whichDuresse I declare I had no hand; 'twas all done by Captain Blokes'orders, and 'tis very likely that the Boatswain, who was a Rough Fellow, very ignorant, exceeded his instructions). It was explained, however, that this Sanguinary Hue in the water was a perfectly naturalappearance, caused by the Spawn of Fish; and two or three of thepreaching fellows being had to the Maingears and well Drubbed, Grog wasserved out to the rest, and an Alarm, which might have bred a Mutiny, soon subsided. 

But huzza! on the 5th of April we had things more substantial to thinkof than Red Seawater; for we took, after a very slight Resistance, aShip called the _Ascension_, built Galleon-fashion, very high, withGalleries, Burden between 400 and 500 tons, and two Brothers Commanders, both Dons of families that were Grandees 500 years before Adam was born, and of course with five-and-twenty Christian Names apiece. She had anumber of Passengers and some fifty Negroes; but the former beingpersons of Condition, far above the Common Sort, and not poor Coastingpeople, such as were those in the Timber Bark, we used 'em handsomely. They, without any such persuasion as was employed to their forerunners, told us that the Bishop of Chokeaqua, a place far up the Country in theSouth Parts of Peru, was to have come from Panama in this vessel forLima, but would stop at Payta to Recruit. Being near that place, weresolved to Watch narrowly, in order to catch his Lordship. 

Now to the Norrard, and on the 10th of April we were off the Hummocksthey call the Saddle of Payta; and being very Calm, we held aCourt-Martial on one of our Midshipmen who had threatened to shoot oneof our men when at Lobos, merely for refusing to carry some Crows thathe had shot. The Court was held in Captain Blokes' Cabin, and consistedof the Commander, Self, First-Lieutenant, assisted in our deliberationsby sundry Pipes of Tobacco and a great Jug of Punch. Found Guilty. Sentenced to be Degraded before the Mast, to have his Grog stopped for aFortnight, and to receive Four Dozen at the Gun (for he being a kind ofOfficer, we did not wish to Humiliate him on deck). Half of hisPunishment he endured with more doleful Squalling than ever I heard froma Penitent in my Life, although the Boatswain was very tender with him, and three Tails of the Cat were tied up. He begged pardon, and soCaptain Blokes remitted him the rest of his Punishment. This Midshipmanwas one who sang a very good Song; and so a Cushion being brought toEase him, we finished the Evening and the Punch jovially enough, hebeing before the end in high favour with the Commander, and promised hisRating back again. 

April 15th. The Officers of all three Ships met on board the _Marquis_, and the Committee came to a Resolution to attack Guayaquil at once. TheBark we had called the _Beginning_ by this time had come back to us, having begun nothing and found nothing, since its first prize, except agreat Sea Lubber, some kind of Monster that the Doctor of Physic hadcaught and wanted to preserve in Rum, to make a Present of to the RoyalSociety when we came Home; but we forbade his wasting good Liquor for sounworthy an end, and the Monster, smelling intolerably, was thrownoverboard. 'Twould have caused me no great sorrow to see the Doctorfollow his Prodigy, for he was a very uncomfortable Person, and wasmuch given to cheating at Cards. 

April 20th. To our Boats off Guayaquil, a Great Company of Men andOfficers all armed to the teeth. We rowed till 12 at night, when we sawLights, which we judged to be a place called Puna. It blew fresh, with asmall rolling Sea, the Boat I commanded being deep laden and crammedwith men; some of us say they would rather be in a Storm at Sea thanhere; but, in regard we were about a charming Undertaking, we thought noFatigue too hard. At daybreak we saw a Bark above us in the River; and, running down upon her, found it was a large Pinnace, full of the mostconsiderable Inhabitants of Puna, escaping towards Guayaquil. Here wereat least a dozen handsome genteel young Women, extremely well dressed, and from them our men got some fine Gold Chains and Earrings. Some ofthese Nicknacks were concealed about 'em; but the Gentlewomen in theseparts being very thinly dressed in Silk and Fine Linen, they could hidebut little, and our Linguist was bidden to advise them to be Wise inTime, and surrender their Valuables, which they did. And so civil wereour Sailors to them, that they offered to dress some Victuals for uswhen we got 'em aboard; which made us hope that the Fair Sex would bekind to us when we returned to England, for our discreet behaviour tothese charming Prisoners. 

 * * * * *

I am afraid that during the Attack on Guayaquil, which took place thenext day, and continued for the three following ones, when the placeCapitulated to our force, and a Treaty was signed between our Commandersand the Governor and Corregidor of Guayaquil, sundry proceedings tookplace that would not very well have squared with the public ideas ofwhat is due to the Fair Sex just treated of; but I declare that I hadneither Art nor Part in them, and that I am entirely Free from anyResponsibility that Censure might cast on the Authors of CruelDisturbances; for early in the Attack I was hit by a Musket-ball in thechest, and borne senseless to our Boats. That I did my Duty bravely, myCommander was good enough to say, and the whole Ship's Company to admit. I was carried away to the _Marquis_, and for a long time lay betweenHawk and Buzzard; for a smart Fever came about the third day, likeBurgundy wine after Sherris, and I was for awhile quite off my head andRaving about Old Times;--about Captain Night and the Blacks, and MaumBuckey and her Negro Washerwomen, and my Campaign against the Maroons, and some Other Things that had befallen me during those fifteen yearswhich I have chosen to leave a Blank in my life, and which I scorn todeny did--some of them--lie heavy on my Conscience. All these were mixedup with the old Gentleman at Gnawbit's, and my Lord Lovat with his headoff, and my Grandmother in Hanover Square; so that I doubt whether thosewho tended me knew what to make of me. There was some difficulty too asto medical attendance, for we had cashiered our Surgeon--that is tosay, he had run away at Grande in the Brazils, to marry a brownPortugee woman; and the Doctor of Physic he was all for HerbalTreatment, demanding Succory, Agrimony, Asarabacca, Knights-pound-wort, Cuckoo-point, Hulver-bush, with Alehoof, and other things not to befound in this part of the World. And Captain Blokes said that he knewnothing half so good for a Gunshot Wound as cold Rum-and-Water; andbetween the two I had like to have died, but all were very kind to me, even to extracting the Ball with a Pair of Snuffers; and a great clumsything the said missile was, being, I verily believe, part of aDoor-hinge which these clumsy Spanish Brutes had broken off short tocram into their Guns; and yet it might have gone worse with me had itbeen a smooth round cast Bullet, and drilled a clean Wound right throughmy Body. 

As I was coming round, even to the taking of some Sangaree and ChickenPanada (for we were now very well provided with Live Stock), theCaptain said to me: "You ha'n't murdered a man, Brother, have you?"

I replied, starting up, that my hands were free from the stain of Bloodunrighteously spilt. 

"No offence, Brother Dangerous, " continued the Captain. "In our line oflife we ar'n't particular. It wouldn't take very dirty weather to makeour Ensign look like a Black Flag. Piracy and Privateering--they bothbegin with a P. I thought you had something o' that sort on your mind, because you took it so woundily about being hanged. "

"I have had a strange life, " I answered faintly. 

"No doubt about that, " says the Captain. "So have I, Brother, and not anover-good one: that's why I asked you. If the old woman hadn't been inthe oven herself, she'd never have gone there to look for her daughter. But have you anything on your mind, Brother? Is there anything thatBilly Blokes can do for you?"

I answered, very gratefully, that there was nothing I could think of. 

"'Cause why, " he resumed, "if there is, you have only to sing out. Ifyou think you're like to slip your Cable and would like to saysomething, we've got a Padre on board out of the last Prize, and heshall come and do the Right Thing for you. You don't know anything abouthis lingo; but what odds is that? Spanish, or Thieves' Latin, orrightdown Cockney, --it's all one when the word's given to pipe allhands. "

I answered that I was no Papist, but a humble member of the Church ofEngland as by Law established. 

"Of course, " concluded the Captain. "So am I. God bless King George andthe Protestant Succession, and confound the Pope, the Devil, and thePretender! But any Port in a storm, you know; and a Padre's better thanno Prayers at all. I've done all I could for you, Brother. I've read youmost part of the story of Bel and the Dragon, likewise the Articles ofWar, and a lot of psalms out of Sternhold and Hopkins; and now, if youfeel skeery about losing the number of your mess, I'll make your Willfor you, to be all shipshape before the Big Wigs of London. There mustbe a matter of Four Hundred Pounds coming to you already for your shareof Plunder; and no one shall say that Billy Blokes ever robbed aMessmate of even a twopenny tester of his Rights. "

Again I thanked this singular person, who, for all his Addictedness toRum-and-Water, of which he drank vast quantities, was one of the mostSagacious men I have known. But I told him that I had neither kith norkin belonging to me; that I did not even know the name of my Father andMother; and that my Grandmother, even, was an Unknown Lady, and beendead nigh forty years. Finally, that if I made my Will, it would only beto the effect that my Property, if any, might be divided among theShip's Company of the _Marquis_, with a donative of Fifty guineas to the_Hope_ and _Delight_ people to drink to my Memory. 

"Ay, and to a pleasant journey to Fiddler's Green, " cries out theCaptain. "But cheer up, Heart; ye're not weighed for the Long Journeyyet. " Nor had I; for I presently recovered, and in less than a monthafter my Mishap was again whole and fit for Duty. And I have set thisdown in order to confute those malignant men who have declared that allmy Wounds were from Stripes between the Shoulders; whereas I can showthe marks, 1°, of an English Grenadier's bayonet; 2°, of a Frenchman'ssword; 3°, of a Spanish bullet; with many more Scars gotten ashonourably, and which it would be only braggadocio to tell the Historyof. 

_Item. _--The Corregidores, or Head-Men of Guayaquil, are great Thieves. The Mercenary Viceroys not being permitted to Trade themselves, do usethe Corregidores as middle-men, and these again employ a third hand; sothat ships are constantly employed carrying Quicksilver, and all mannerof precious and prohibited goods, to and from Mexico out of by-ports. Thus, too, being their own Judges, they get vast Estates, and stop allcomplaints in Old Spain by Bribes. But now and then comes out a Viceroywho is a Man of Honesty and Probity, and will have none of theseScoundrelly ways of Making Money (like Mr. Henry Fielding among theTrading Justices, a Bright exception for integrity, though his Life, asI have heard, was otherwise dissolute), and then he falls too andsqueezes the Corregidores, in the same manner as Cardinal Richelieu, that was Lewis Thirteenth's Minister, was wont to do with theFinanciers. "You must treat 'em like Leeches, " said he; "and when theyare bloated with blood, put salt upon them, to make them disgorge. " AndI have heard that this rigid System of Probity, and putting salt on thegorged Corregidores, has ofttimes turned out more profitable to theViceroys than trading on their own account. 

Many of our men falling sick here, and our Ransom being now fullydisbursed by the authorities of Guayaquil, we made haste to get awayfrom the place, which was fast becoming pestiferous. 

We set sail with more than fifty men Down with the Distemper (of whichthey were dying like Sheep with the Rot in the town, and all theChurches turned into Hospitals); but we hoped the Sea Air, for which welonged, would set us all healthy again. So plying to windward, bearingfor the Galligapos Islands, and on the 21st of May made the most Norrardof that Group. Jan Serouder, a West Frieslander, and very good Sailor, though much given to smoking in his Hammock, for which he had many timesbeen Drubbed, died of the Distemper. A great want of Medicines aboard, and the Rum running very low. Sent a boat ashore to see for Water, Fish, and Turtle, which our men (being now less Dainty by Roughing) had, bythis time, condescended to eat. Kept on our course; on the 27th theEasternmost Island bore S. E. By S. , distant about four leagues: andnothing more remarkable happened till the 6th of June, when we spied aSail, the _Hope_ being then about two miles ahead of us; and about sevenin the Evening she took her in a very courageous manner. This was aVessel of about 90 tons, bound from Panama to Guayaquil, called the _SanTomaso y San Demas_ (for these Spaniards can never have too much of agood thing in the way of Saints), Juan Navarro Navarret y Colza, Commander. About forty people on board, and eleven Negro Slaves, butlittle in the way of European goods save some Iron and Cloth. They had apassenger of note on board, one Don Pantaleone and Something as long asmy Arm, who was going to be Governor of Baldivia, and said he had beentaken not long since in the North Sea by Jamaica Cruisers. On the 7thJune we made the Island of Gorgona; and, on the 8th, got to an anchor in30-fathom water. The next day sent out our Pinnace a'cruising, and tooka prize called the _Golden Sun_, belonging to a Creek on the Main, --atwopenny-halfpenny little thing, 35 tons; ten Spaniards and Indians, and a Negro that was chained down to the deck to amuse the Ship Companywith playing on the Guitar (a kind of Lute). However, we found a fewounces of Gold-dust aboard her, worth some sixty pounds sterling. Afterexamining our Prisoners (who gave us much trouble, for we had noLinguist, and 'twas a Word and a Blow in questioning them: that is, theBlow came from us to get the Word from 'em; but not more than two orthree Spaniards were Expended), --after this tedious work was over weheld a Committee, and agreed to go to Malaga, [A] an Island which had aRoad, and with our Boats tow up the River in quest of the richGold-mines of Barbacore, also called by the Spaniards San Juan. Butheavy Rains coming on, we were obliged to beat back and come to Gorgonaagain, building a Tent ashore for our Armour and Sick Men. We spenttill the 25th in Careening; on the 28th we got all aboard agen, riggedand stowed all ready for sea; the Spaniards who were our Prisoners, andwho are very Dilatory Sailors (for they hearken more to their Saintsthan to the Boatswain's Pipe), were much amazed at our Despatch; tellingus that they usually took Six Weeks or a Month to Careen one of theirKing's Ships at Lima, where they are well provided with all Necessaries, and account that Quick Expedition. We allowed Liberty of Conscience onboard our floating Commonwealth to our Prisoners; for there being aPriest in each ship, they had the Great Cabin for their Mass, whilst weused the Church-of-England Service over them on the Quarter-deck. Sothat the Papists here were the Low Churchmen. Shortly after thebeginning of July we freed our prisoners at fair Ransom in Gold-dust;but the Village where we landed them was so poor in common Necessaries, that we were obliged to give them some corned beef and biscuit for theirsubsistence until they could get up the Country, where there was aTown. Same day a Negro belonging to the _Delight_ was bit by a smallbrown speckled Snake, and died in a few hours. 

We had with us, too, a very good prize taken by the _Hope_, andcontinued unloading this and transferring the rich contents to ourships, having promised to restore the Hull itself to the Spaniards, onher being handsomely Ransomed; and the Don that was to be Governor ofBaldivia was appointed Agent for us, and suffered to go freely on hisParole to and fro to arrange Money-Matters with the Authorities up theCountry. 

_Memorandum, _--Amongst our Prisoners (taken on board the Panama ship)there was a Gentlewoman and her Family, the Eldest Daughter, a prettyyoung woman of Eighteen, newly Married, and had her husband with her. Weassigned them the Great Cabin on board the Prize, and none were sufferedto intrude amongst them; yet the Husband (we were told) showed evidentMarks of a Violent Jealousy, which is the Spaniard's Epidemic Disease. I hope he had not the least Reason for it, seeing that the Prize-Master(our Second Lieutenant) was above Fifty years of Age, and of a veryGrave Countenance, appearing to be the most secure Guardian to femalesthat had the least Charm, though all our young Men (that were Officers)had hitherto appeared Modest beyond Example among privateers; yet wethought it improper to expose them to Temptation. And I am sure, whenthe Lieutenant, being superseded for somewhat Scorching of a Negro witha stick of fire for answering him Saucily, and Captain Blokes bade metake temporary command of the Prize and Prisoners, that I behaved myselfso well as to gain Thanks and Public Acknowledgments for my civility tothe Ladies. We had notice that more than one of these Fair Creatures hadconcealed Treasure about 'em; and so in the most Delicate Manner weordered a Female Negro who spoke English to overhaul 'em privately, andat the same time to tell 'em that it would pain us to the Heart to beobliged to use Stripes or other Unhandsome Means to come to a Discovery. Many Gold Chains, Bracelets, Ouches, and suchlike Whim-Whams the SableNymph found cunningly stowed away; upon which we gave her half a pint ofWine and a large pot of Sweets, forgiving her at the same time aWhipping at the Capstan which had been promised her for Romping andGammocking among the people in the Forecastle. For I suppose there wasnever a modester man than Captain Blokes. 

August 10th. All Money-Matters being arranged, we disposed of ourPrisoners. We burnt down the Village for some Impertinence of the HeadMan (who was a Half-caste Indian), --but no great harm done, since 'twasmostly Mud and Plantain thatch, and could be built up again in aWeek, --and got to Windward very slowly, there being a constant currentflowing to Leeward to the Bay of Panama. 13th we saw the Island ofGallo; the 18th we spied a Sail bearing W. N. W. Of us, when we all threegave chase, and took her in half an hour. 70 tons. Panama to Lima. Fortypeople aboard, upon examining whom they could tell us little News fromEurope, but said that there came Advices from Portobello in Spain, andby a French ship from France, not long before they came out of Panama;but that was all kept private; only, they heard that his Royal Highnessthe Duke of Cumberland was Dead, the which Sad Intelligence we were notwilling to Believe, but drank his Health at Night, which we thoughtcould do him no hurt even if he really happened to be Dead. By this timewe had gotten another Surgeon out of the _Delight_, whom we dailyexercised at his Instruments in the Cockpit, and his Mate at making ofBandages and spreading of Ointment; and Captain Blokes (who was alwaysgiving some fresh proof of Sagacity), just to try 'em, and imitatebusiness for 'em a little, ordered Red Lead, mixed with Water, to bethrown on two of our Fellows, and sent 'em down to the Hold, when theSurgeon, thinking they had really been wounded, went about to Dressthem; but the mistake being discovered, it was a very agreeableDiversion. 

After this we made sail to the Marias Islands (for I feel I must bebrief in this abstract of my Log, and must compress into a few pages theevents of many Months), and all November were cruising about Cape St. Lucas in quest of Prizes. Christmas we spent in a very dismal manner;for a Complaint, something akin to Mumps with Scurvy in the gums, and atouch of Lockjaw to boot, broke out among us, and eight men died. Thenwe engaged or took a very big Spaniard out of Manilla, 250 tons, and avery rich Cargo, mostly in Gold-dust and embroidered Stuffs. January10th, 1748-9, at anchor at Port Segura; and here, to our dismal dismay, we heard that Peace had been proclaimed between Spain and England, andthat all our Privateering for the present was at an end. Then toAcapulco in Mexico, seeing if we could do some honest trading; but atall the Towns along the Coast they looked upon us as little better thanPirates. But we felt a little comforted at the thought that we hadalready taken some very rich Prizes, and my own part of the Plunder wasnow over 1500_l. _ January 11th, we weighed from Port Segura, and rantowards the Island of Guam. Our Steward missing some pieces of Pork, weimmediately searched and found the Thieves. One of them had been guiltybefore, and Forgiven on promise of Amendment; but was punished now, lestForbearance should encourage the rest to follow his bad practice. Provisions being so short, and our run now so long, might, without greatcaution, have brought evil consequences upon us. They (the Thieves) wereordered to the Main-gear, and every man of the watch to give 'em a blowwith the Cat-o'-nine-tails. On the 14th of February, in commemoration ofthe ancient English custom of choosing Valentines, a list was drawn upof all the Fair Ladies in Bristol in any way related or concerned in ourShips; and all the officers were sent for to the Cabin, where every onedrew, and drank his Valentine's health in a cup of Punch, and to a happysight of 'em all. This was done to put 'em in mind of Home. 

From Guam, a very poor place, and the Natives uncommonly nasty, weshaped our course to Ternate; and about the 2d of May saw land, which wetook for some of the Islands lying about the N. E. Part of Celebes, butwere satisfied soon after that we were in the Straits of Guiana. 18thMay passed several Islands, and the South point of Gillolo. This was thetime of the S. E. Monsoon, which made Weather and Wind very uncertain. May 25th we fell in with a parcel of Islands to the Eastward of Bouton, an island where there is a kind of Indian King, very Savage and Warlike, and with a considerable flotilla of Galleys. We traded with him, andmade good profit in the way of Barter; for these Savages will give goldand Goods for the veriest trumpery that was ever picked up at a Groatthe handful at the hucksters' stalls in Barbican. From Bouton on the11th June, having well watered and provisioned, and taken a Nativepilot on board, we sailed for Batavia, and on the 30th cast anchor inthe Road there. We waited on his Excellency the Governor-General (forthe States of Holland), and begged permission to refit our Ships, whichwas granted. Many strange Humours now to be seen aboard. Some of thecrew hugging each other; others blessing themselves that they were cometo such a glorious place for Punch, where they could have Arrack forEightpence a Gallon; for now the Labour was worth more than the Liquor, whereas, a few weeks since, a Bowl of Punch was worth more to them thanhalf the Voyage. Now we began to Careen, going over to Horn Island, anda Sampan ready to heave down by, and take in our Guns, Carriages, &c. Several of our men fell ill of Fevers, as they said, from drinking theWater of the Island; but as Captain Blokes opined, more from the effectsof Arrack Punch at Eightpence a Gallon. All English ships are allowed bythe Government here half a leaguer of Arrack a day for ship's use perman; but boats are not suffered to bring the least thing off shorewithout being first severely searched. As to the town of Batavia, itlies in a bay full of islands, which so break off the Sea, that thoughthe Road is very large, yet it is safe. The Banks of the Canals throughthe City are paved with stones as far as the Boom, which is shut upevery night at nine o'clock, and guarded by Soldiers. All the Streetsare very well built and inhabited; fifteen of 'em have Canals just as inAmsterdam and Rotterdam, and from end to end they reckon fifty-sixbridges. The vast number of Cocoa-nut trees in and about the Cityeverywhere afford delightful and profitable Groves. There are Hospitals, Spin-houses, and so forth, as in Holland, where the idle and vicious areset to work, and, when need arises, receive smart Discipline. TheChinese have also a large Sick House, and manage their charity so wellthat you never see a Chinaman looking despicable in the street. TheDutch Women have greater privileges in India than in Holland, or, indeed, anywhere else; for on slight occasions they are often divorcedfrom their Husbands, and share the Estate betwixt 'em. A Lawyer told meat Batavia he had known, out of fifty-eight causes, all depending in theCouncil Chamber, fifty-two of them were Divorces. The Governor's Palaceof Brick, very stately and well laid. He lives in as great splendour asa king; he has a Train and Guards--viz. A Troop of Horse and a Companyof Foot with Halberds, in liveries of yellow satin adorned with silverlaces and fringe--to attend his Coach when he goes abroad. His Lady hasalso her Guards and Train. The Javanese, or Ancient Natives, arenumerous, and said to be barbarous and proud, of a dark colour, withflat faces, thin short Black hair, large eyebrows and cheeks. The Menare strong-limbed, but the Women small. The Men have many Wives, and aremuch given to lying and stealing. They are all Pagans, and worshipDevils. The Women tawny, sprightly, and Amorous, and very apt to givepoison to their Husbands when they can do it cunningly. There are atleast 10, 000 Chinese who pay the Dutch a dollar a month for liberty towear their Hair, which they are not allowed to do at home since theTartars conquered 'em. There comes hither from China fourteen or sixteenJunks a year, being flat-bottomed vessels. The Merchants come with theirgoods, and marvellous queer folks they are. I don't think the whole Cityis as large as Bristol; but 'tis much more populous. 

October 12th. We, according to our Owners' orders to keep our Shipsfull-manned, whether the War continued or not--and, oh, how we cursedthis plaguey Peace!--shipped here seventeen men that were Dutch. Thoughwe looked upon our hardships as being now pretty well over, several Ranfrom us here that had come out of England with us, being straggling, lazy, good-for-nothings, that can't leave their old Trade of deserting, though now they had a good sum due to each of 'em for Wages. Theirshares for Plunder of course were forfeited, and equitably divided amongthose that stuck by us. From this to the 23d we continued taking inwood and water for our Passage to the Cape of Good Hope; and just beforewe sailed held a Council on board the _Marquis_, by which 'twas agreed, that if any of our Consorts should happen to part company, the one thatarrived first was to stay at the Cape twenty days; and, then, if theydidn't find the other Ships, to make their utmost despatch to the Islandof Helena; and if not there, to proceed, according to Owners' orders, toGreat Britain. 

Nothing particular happened till the 27th December, when the _Marquis_proved very Leaky, and rare work we had at the Pumps, they being most ofthem choked up from long disuse. December 28th we came in sight of theLion's Head and Rump, being two Hills over the Cape Town. Saluted theDutch fortress with Nine Guns, and got but Three for thanks; it beingsurprising what airs these Pipe-smoking, Herring-curing, Cheese-making, Twenty-breeches Gentry give themselves. 29th, we moored Ship, and sentour Sick ashore. We stayed here until the end of February, when we wentinto Sardinia Bay to Careen; for a Survey of Carpenters had reportedvery badly concerning the Leak. 27th Feb. We had a good rummage for BaleGoods to dispose of ashore, having leave of the Governor, and provided aStore-house, where I and the Supercargo of the _Delight_ took it byturns weekly during the sale of 'em. 28th March came in a Portugeefrigate, with news that Five stout French Ships had attempted RioJaneiro, but were repulsed, and had a great number of men killed, withover 400 taken prisoners by the Portuguese. 

April 5th we hoisted a Blue Ensign, loosened our Fore Topsail, and fireda Gun as a Signal for our Consorts to unmoor, and so fell down to Robinand Penguin Islands. 

_Memorandum. _--We buried four while at the Cape; eight ran away to beeaten up, as we heartily hoped, by the Hottentots, who have a greatgusto for White Man's Flesh; but reject Negroes as too strong andAromatic; to say little of the major number of our Ship's Companiesgetting Married to Black Wenches. But there's no Doctors' Commons atCape Town; and the best Way of Divorce is by shoving off a boat fromShore, and leaving your Wife behind you. _Item. _--The Dutch generallysend a Ship every year to Madagascar for Slaves to supply theirPlantations; for the said beastly Hottentots have their Liberty and Easeso much, that they cannot be brought to work, even though they shouldStarve (which they do pretty well all the year round) for the lack ofit. Here, too, we spoke with an Englishman and an Irishman, that hadbeen several years with the famous Madagascar Pirates, but were nowpardoned, and allowed to settle here. They told us that these MiserableWretches, who once made such a Noise in the World, dwindled away one byone, most of them very poor and despicable, even to the Natives, amongwhom they had Married. They added, that they had no Embarkations, onlymere Canoes and Rowboats in Madagascar; so that these Pirates (so long aterrible Bugbear to peaceable Merchantmen) are now become soinconsiderable as to be scarcely worth mentioning; yet I do think thatif care be not always taken after a Peace to clear all out-of-the-wayIslands of these piratical Vermin, and hinder others from joining them, it may prove a Temptation for loose scampish Fellows to resort thither, and make every Creek in the Southern Seas a troublesome nest ofFreebooters. 

The Cape having been so frequently described, I shall only add that theCharacter of the Hottentots, at which I have hinted, has been found tobe too True, that they scarce deserve to be reckoned of the Human Kind:they are such a nasty, ill-looking, and worse-smelling people. TheirApparel is the Skins of Beasts; their chief Ornament is to be veryGreasy and Black; so that they besmear themselves with an abominableOil, mixed with Tallow and Soot; and the Women twist the Entrails ofBeasts or Thongs of Hides round their legs, which resemble Rolls ofTobacco. Here's plenty, however, of all kinds of Flesh and Fowl;there's nothing wanting at the Cape of Good Hope for a good subsistence;nor is there any place more Commodious for a Retirement to such as wouldbe out of the Noise of the World, than the adjacent country in thepossession of the Dutch. 

Nothing of note happened till May 1st, only that sometimes we hadThunder, Lightning, Rain, and Squalls of Wind. On the 7th we made theIsland of Ascension, S. Lat. 8. 2. On the 14th at noon we found we hadjust crossed the Equator, being the eighth time we had done so in ourcourse round the World. We had a Dutch Squadron with us, who expectedConvoy Rates, and all manner of Civilities from us, though there was nowPeace, and we wanted nothing from 'em; but 'tis always the way with thisGrasping and Avaricious People. Soon too we observed that the Dutchships began to scrape and clean their sides, painting and polishing andbeeswaxing 'em inside and out, bending new sails, and the very Marinersputting on half a dozen pair of new breeches apiece. This it is theircustom to do as they draw near home; so that they look as if newly comeout of Holland. 

On the morning of the 15th July we made Fair Island and Foul Island, lying off Shetland; and sighted two or three Fishing Doggers cruisingoff the Islands. Having little wind, we lay by, and the Inhabitants cameoff with what Provisions they had; but they are very poor people, wildand savage, subsisting chiefly on Fish. When that provision fails, Ihave heard they live on Seaweed. 

We being, so to speak, in charge, although unwillingly, of the DutchSquadron, which had been willy-nilly our Convoy, were compelled to putinto a port of Holland instead of into a British one, as we had fondlyhoped. On the 23rd July the Dutch Commodore made a signal for seeingLand, and the whole fleet answered him with all their colours. ThePilot-boat coming off, we took two aboard, and about noon parted withsome of our Dutch Consorts that were Rotterdam and Middleburg ships. Wegave 'em a Huzza and a half in derision, and our Trumpet and Hautboywere for striking up the Rogue's March; but this was forbidden by theSagacious Captain Blokes. Some English ships now hove in sight, andsaluted the Dutch Commodore; and afterwards we, though with an illgrace, saluted his Worship to welcome in sight of the land, which byright belongs to the Rats (though I have little doubt that for all theVandykes and Vandams the long-whiskered Gentry will come to their ownagain some of these fine days). As soon as they got over the Bar theDutchmen fired all their guns for joy at their safe arrival in their owncountry, which they very affectionately call Fatherland; and, indeed, itwas not easy under these circumstances to be angry with the Poor Soulsthat had been so long at Sea, and wandering about Strange Lands. At 8 atnight we came to an anchor in 6-fathom water, about 2 miles off shore. 

On the 24th, in the morning, the Dutch Flag-ship weighed, in order to goup to the unlivering place. In the afternoon Captain Blokes sent meashore, and up to Amsterdam, with a letter for our Owners' Agents, toask how we were to act and proceed from hence. Coming back withinstructions from the Agent (one Mr. Vandepeereboom, who made mehalf-fuddled with Schiedam drinking to our prosperous return; but he wasa very Civil Gentleman, speaking English to admiration, and had amonstrous pretty Housekeeper, with eyes as bright as her own Pots andPans), by Consent of our Council we discharged such men as we hadshipped at Batavia and the Cape, and sold the half-dozen Negroes we hadfrom time to time picked up for about a Hundred Dollars apiece. But thislast had to be managed by private Contract, and somewhat under the Rose;for their High Mightinesses, the States-General, allow no Slaves to besold openly in Amsterdam. 

On the 10th we went up to the Vlieder, which is a better Road than theTexel, and then to Amsterdam again, where Captain Blokes and his chiefofficers had to make Affidavits before a Notary Public to the truth ofan Abstract of our Voyage, the which I had drawn up from the Log of the_Marquis_, to justify our proceedings to our own Government in answer towhat the East India Company had to allege against us; they being, as wewere informed, resolved to trouble us on pretence that we had Encroachedupon their Charter. On the 31st August comes Mr. Vandepeereboom on boardto take Account of what Plate, Gold, and Pearl was in the Ship; and onthe 5th September he took his leave of us. 

But not of me; for as I had been much with him ever since we had lain atAmsterdam, we had become great Chums, and he had persuaded me not toreturn just yet to England, but to remain with him in Holland, andbecome his partner in Mercantile Adventure, that should not necessitatemy going to Sea again. And by this time, to tell truth, I was heartilysick of being Tossed and Tumbled about by the Waves. No man could saythat I had not done my Duty during my momentous Voyage round the World. I had worked as hard as any Moose on board the _Marquis_, doinghand-work and head-work as well. I had been Wounded, had had two Feversand one bout of Scurvy; but was seldom in such evil case as to shirkeither my Duty or my Grog. I prudently redoubted the Chances ofreturning in haste to my native Country, for, although being alone inthe world, and the marriage with Madam Taffetas not provable in Law, with no other Domestic Troubles to grieve me, I knew from longexperience what Ducks and Drakes Seafaring men do make of their moneycoming home from a long voyage with their heads empty and their pocketsfull, and was determined that what I had painfully gathered from theuttermost Ends of the Earth should not be riotously and unprofitablysquandered in the Taverns of Wapping and Rotherhithe. Mr. Vandepeereboomentering with me into the State of his Affairs, proved, as far as Ledgerand Cash-book could prove any thing, that he was in a most prosperousway of business, in the Dutch East India trade, of which by this time Iknew something; so that, although Captain Blokes was loth to part withhis old Shipmate and Secretary, he was yet glad to see me better myself. And in truth Mr. Vandepeereboom's Housekeeper was marvellous pretty. Idrew my Pay and Allowances, which amounted to but a small matter; but tomy great Joy and Gladness I found that my share of the Plunder from ourPrizes and the Ransom of Guayaquil came to Twenty Hundred Pounds. Theorder for this sum was duly transferred to me, and lodged to my Accountin the Bank of Amsterdam, then the most famous Corporation of Cofferers(since that of Venice began to decline) in Europe. I bade farewell toCaptain Blokes and all my Messmates; left Twenty Pounds to be dividedamong the Ship's Company (for which they manned Shrouds and gave methree Huzzas as the Shoreboat put off); and after a last roaring Carouseon board the _Marquis_, gave up for Ever my berth in the gallant Craftin which I had sailed round the World. 

FOOTNOTE:

[A] There is a River in Macedon and a River in Monmouth, and moreMalagas than one. 

CHAPTER THE FOURTH. 

OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND. 

'TWAS no such very bad Title for a Mercantile Firm, "Vandepeereboom andDangerous. " Aha, Rogues! will you call me Pauper, Card-sharper, Led-Captain, Half-penny-Jack, now? Who but I was Mynheer Jan vanDangerous? (I took my Gentility out of my Trunk, as the Spanish Don didhis Sword when the Sun shone and there were Pistoles galore, and addedthe Van as a prefix to which I was entitled by Lineage. ) Who but I was awealthy and prosperous Merchant of Amsterdam, the richest city inHolland? Soon was I well known and Capped to, as one that could orderwine, and pay for it, at the sign of the Amsterdam Wappen, the greatInn here. 

Although 'tis now nigh thirty years since, I do preserve the pleasantestremembrance of my life in the Low Countries; for, albeit hating theDutch when I was Poor, I grew to like 'em as a reputable MerchantAdventurer. 'Twas but a small matter prevented me from setting up myCoach, and was only hindered by the fact that the Police Laws ofAmsterdam are very strict against Wheeled carriages, allowing only acertain and very small number, lest the rumbling of the Wheels shoulddisturb the good thrifty Burghers at their Accompts. For most vehiclesthey have what they call a Sley, which is the body of a Coach fastenedon to a Sledge with ropes, and drawn by one Horse. A Fellow walks by theside on't, and holds on with one hand to prevent its falling over, whilewith the other he manages the Reins. A most melancholy Machine this, moving at the rate of about Three miles an hour, and makes you thinkthat you are in a Hospital Conveyance, or else going on a Hurdle to beHanged, Drawn, and Quartered. 

This Amsterdam is the famous town built upon Wooden Piles, as is alsoPetersburg, and in some order Venice; and from its Timber supports, gaverise to the sportive saying of Erasmus when he first came hither, thathe had reached a City where the Citizens lived, like Crows, upon thetops of Trees. And again he waggishly compared Amsterdam to a maimedSoldier, as having Wooden Legs. This Erasmus was, I conjecture, a kindof Schoolmaster, and very learned; but conceited, as are most BookishPersons. 

A Dutchman will save any thing; and this rich place has all come out ofsaving the Mud, and starving the Fishes. Here Traffic is wooed as thoughshe were a Woman, and Gold is put to bed with Time, and there is muchjoy over their Bantling, which is christened Interest. A strange, cleanly, money-grubbing Country of Botanic Gardens and Spitting-pans, universal Industry and Tobacco-pipes, Gingerbread and Sawing-mills, Tulip-roots and the Strong Waters of Schiedam, Cheese, Red Herrings, andthe Protestant Religion. Peculiar to these People is the functionarycalled the Aansprecker, a kind of human Bird of Evil Omen, who goesabout in a long Black Gown and a monstrous Cocked Hat with a Crapedepending from it, to inform the Friends and Acquaintances of GenteelPersons of any one being Dead. This Aansprecker pays very handsomeCompliments to the Departed, at so many Stuyvers the Ounce of Butter;and this saves the Dutch (who are very frugal towards their Dead) fromtelling lies upon their Tombstones. When a Man quits, they wind up hisAccounts, strike a Balance, and go on to a fresh Folio in the Ledgerwithout carrying any thing forward. At Marriage-time, also, is it thecustom among Persons of Figure for the Bride and Bridegroom to sendround Bottles of Wine, generally fine Hock, well spiced and sugared, andadorned with all sorts of Ribbons. They have also a singular mode ofairing their Linen and Beds, by means of what they call a Trokenkorb, or Fire-basket, which is of the size and shape of a Magpie's Cage, andwithin it is a pan filled with burning Turf, and the Linen is spreadover the Wicker-frame; or, to air the Bed, the whole Machine is placedbetween the Sheets. Nay, there are sundry Dowager Fraws who do warmtheir Legs with this same Trokenkorb, using it as though it were afootstool; and considering the quantity of Linsey Woolsey they wear, Iwonder there are not more Fires. To guard against this last, there arePersons appointed whose office it is to remain all day and all night inthe Steeples of the highest Churches; and as soon as they spy a Flame, they hang out a Flag if it's Day, or a Lantern if at Night, towards thequarter where the Fire is, blowing a Trumpet lustily meanwhile. 

Eating and Drinking here very good, save the Water, which is so Brackishthat it is not drunk even by the Common People. There areWater-Merchants constantly occupied in supplying the City withdrinkable Water, which they bring in Boats from Utrecht and Germany inlarge stone Bottles, that cost you about Eightpence a-piece English. ThePoor, who cannot afford it, drink Rain-water, which gives rise to themerry saying, that a Dutchman's Mouth is for ever open, either toswallow down Smoke or to drink up Rain. And indeed they are awide-gaping Generation. 

Being as yet a Bachelor, I agreed for my Lodging and Victuals with Mr. Vandepeereboom, who had a fair House, very stately, on one of the Canalsbehind the Heeren Gragt, or Lord's Street. 'Twould have had quite aprincely appearance, but for a row of Elms in front, which, with theirfan, almost concealed the Mansion. The noble look of the House, too, wassomewhat spoilt by its being next door to a shop where they sold Drugs;which like all others of this trade in Holland, had for a sign a hugeCarved Head, with the mouth wide open, in front of the window: sometimesit rudely resembles a Mercury's Head, and at other times has a Fool'sCap upon it. This clumsy sign is called _de Gaaper_, --the Gaper, --and Iknow not the origin of it. Some of the Shop-boards they call _UithangBorden_, and have ridiculous Verses written upon them; and 'tis singularto mark how much of the Jackpudding these Dutchmen, who are keener thanJews in their Cash-matters, have in them. 

Mr. Vandepeereboom was high in the College of Magistrates, and I wasofttimes privileged to witness with him the administration of Justiceand the infliction of its Dread Awards, --all here very Decent andSolemn. The Awful Sentence of Death is delivered in a room on thebasement-floor of the Stadt House: the entrance through a massyfolding-door covered with brass Emblems, such as Jove's Beams ofLightning, and Flaming Swords; above, between the Rails, are the old andnew City Arms; and at the bottom are Death's Heads and Bones. The insideof the Hall, mighty handsome, in white Marble, and proper History piecesof the Judgment of Solomon, and Zeleucus the Locrian King tearing outone of his Eyes to save one of his Son's, and Junius Brutus putting hischildren to Death. On the fore part of the Judgment-seat a fine MarbleStatue of Silence, gallantly, but quite falsely, represented by thefigure of a Woman on the ground, her finger to her lips, and twoChildren by her, Weeping over a Death's Head. When the dire Doom ofDeath is about to be pronounced, the Criminal is brought into this Hall, guarded; and nothing is omitted in point of solemnity to impress on hismind (poor wretch!) and on those about him the awful consequences ofviolating the Laws of the Country; which is a much better mode, I think, of striking Terror into 'em than the French way, where the Magistratessettle the Sentence among themselves in private, and the _Greffier_comes all of a sudden into the unhappy Person's Cell to tell him that heis to be presently Executed; or even our Old Bailey fashion (though theBlack Cap is frightful), where the Culprit is more or less sent to Hanglike a Dog, --one down, another come up; and Jack Ketch Drunk all thewhile with burnt Brandy. 'Twas a thorough knowledge of Human Nature, too, that thought of placing this Dutch hall of Justice on theground-floor, and its Brazen Door opening into a common Thoroughfarethrough the Stadt House. I never passed by this door without seeingnumbers of the Lower Orders of people gazing wistfully through the Railsupon the emblematic objects within, apparently in Melancholy Meditation, and reflecting upon the Ignominious Effects of deviating from the Pathsof Virtue. 

Out of the Burgomaster's parlour in the same building is a passage tothe Execution Chamber, or Hall of the Last Prayers, where the Condemnedtake leave of their Clergy, and pass through a Window, the lower part ofWood, so that it opens level with the floor of the Scaffold, which isconstructed on the outside, opposite the Waag or Weigh House. 

As associate of one of the Magistrates, I often visited the Dungeonsbeneath the Stadt House, which are hermetically Sealed unto allStrangers. As places of Confinement, nothing can be more secure; asplaces of punishment, nothing more Horrible. Here, by the faint light ofa Rush Candle, you gaze only on Emaciated Figures, while out of the DarkShadows issue faint but dismal Groans. Some are here condemned to lingerfor Life; yet have I known convicted Creatures in this Rat's hole asmerry as French Dancing-Masters, whistling, trolling, and gambolling inthe Dark; while in the next cell were a number of Women, who, like thegeneral of their sex when in Durance, did nothing but Yell and teartheir Clothes to Pieces. But 'tis true that all confined in thesedreadful places had committed crimes of a very Malignant nature, andwhich heartily warranted their being thus cut off from Light and Air, and immured in Regions fit only to be Receptacles for the Dead. Underthe Hall of Justice is likewise the Torture Chamber, where MiserableCreatures, at the bidding of their Barbarous Judges, undergo a varietyof Torments; one of which is to fasten the Hands behind the Neck with acord through pulleys secured to the vaulted Ceiling, so as to be jerkedup and down. Weights of Fifty Pounds each are then suspended to theFeet, until anguish overpowers the senses, and a Confession of Guilt isheard to quiver on the lips. Public Punishments are inflicted only FourTimes a Year, when a vast Scaffold is erected in the Space between theStadt House and Waag House, as before mentioned. Those that are only tobe Whipped endure that compliment with Merciless Severity, and are notpermitted to Retire till those who are to Die have suffered, which iseither by Decapitation or by the Rope. And this acts as a Warning as towhat will happen to 'em next time. On this occasion the ChiefMagistrates attend in their Robes. But though Strict, they are mightyJust in administering their Laws, and will not permit the leastdeviation or aggravation of the Sentence meted out. I did hear of onejocular Rogue, that was condemned, for the murder of half-a-dozen womenand children, to have his Head severed from the Trunk at one stroke ofthe Sword. This Mynheer Merry-Andrew, previous to quitting the PrayerChamber, lays a Wager with a Friend that the Executioner should not beable to perform his office according to the exact terms of the Sentence. So, the moment he knelt to receive the Fatal Stroke, he rolled his Headin every direction so violently and rapidly, that the Headsman could nothit him with any chance of severing his Neck at once; and after manyfruitless aims, was obliged to renounce the Task. The Officers who wereto see the Sentence executed were now in a Great Dilemma. In vain didthey try by argument to persuade the Fellow to remain still, and havehis Head quietly taken off. At last he was remanded back to Prison, andafter an hour's deliberation the presiding Magistrate, upon his ownResponsibility, ordered the Gallows to be brought out, and the Fellow tobe straightway Hanged thereupon; which was done, to the contentment ofthe Populace, who were howling with Rage at the fear of being deprivedof their Sport. But the strait-laced Dutch Judges and Lawyers all tookalarm, and declared that the Fellow had been murdered; and nothing butthe high rank and character of the Magistrate preserved him fromgrievous consequences. 

They observe, however, degrees in their Punishments, and are, even inextreme cases, averse from Bloodshed, and willing to try all ways with acriminal before Hanging or Beheading him. Thus have they their famousRasphuys for the Confinement and Correction of those whose Crimes arenot capital. Over the Gate are some insignificant painted woodenfigures, representing Rogues sawing Log-wood, and Justice holding a Rodover them; and the like of these, with figures of scourging andbranding, they stick up in their Public Walks and Gardens, to show whatis Done to those who pluck the Flowers or carve Names upon the Trunks ofthe Trees, and it has a most wholesome effect in frightening Evil-doers. So in the Yard of the Rasphuys is a Whipping-post in Terrorem, withanother little figure of Justice flagrant with Execution. Here theRogues saw Campeachy-wood, which seems to be most toilsome work; andyet by practice they can saw Two Hundred Pounds' weight every week withease, and also make many little Articles in Straw, Wood, Bone, andCopper, to sell to Visitors. They are all clad in White Woollen, which, when they are stained with the Red Sawdust, gives them a Hobgoblin kindof appearance. Here too, in a corner of the Yard, they show the Cell inwhich if the person who was confined in it did not incessantly Pump outthe Water let into it, he must inevitably be Drowned; but this Engine, the Gaolers said, had not been used for many Years, and was only kept upas an object of Terror. 

In the east quarter of Amsterdam, Justice is administered in its mildestform; there being the Workhouse close to the Muider Gragt, a placewhich, I believe, has not its parallel in the whole World. 'Tis partlyCorrectional and partly Charitable; and when I saw it, there were SevenHundred and Fifty Persons within the Walls, the yearly expense beingabout One Hundred Thousand Florins. In the rooms belonging to theGovernors and Directresses some exquisite Paintings by Van Dyck, Rembrandt, and Jordaens; and, indeed, you can go scarcely any where inHolland, from a Pig-stye to a Palace, without finding Paintings. Here, in a vast room very cleanly kept, are an immense number of Womenoccupied in Sewing and Spinning. Among them I saw once a finehearty-looking Irishwoman, who had been Confined here two whole Years, for being a little more fond of true Schiedam Gin than her lawfulSpouse. In another vast Apartment, secured by many Iron Railings andGrated Windows, are the Female Convicts in the highest state ofDiscipline, and very industriously and silently engaged in making Lace, under the superintendence of a Governess. From the Walls of the Boom aresuspended Instruments of Punishment, such as Scourges, Gags, andManacles, the which are not spared upon the slightest appearance ofInsubordination. Then there are Wards for the Men, Schoolrooms for avast number of Children, and Dormitories, all in the highest state ofNeatness. In another part of the Building, which only the Magistratesare permitted to visit, are usually detained ten or a dozen YoungLadies--some of very high Families--sent here by their Parents orFriends for undutiful Deportment, or some other Domestic Offence. Theyare compelled to wear a particular Dress as a mark of Degradation; arekept apart; forced to work a certain number of hours a day; and areoccasionally Whipped. Here, too, upon complaints of Extravagance, Tipsiness, &c. , duly proved, can Husbands send their Wives, to beconfined and receive the Discipline of the House; _and hither, too, canWives send their Husbands for the same Cause, for Two, Three, and FourYears together, till they show signs of amended Behaviour_. The Food isabundant, and good; but the Work is hard, and the Stripes are many. Might not such a course be tried with advantage in England, to abate andcure the frivolities and extravagances of Fashionable People?

So then, as an Honourable Merchant in a city and country where Commerceis reckoned among the noblest of Pursuits, I might, but for my PerverseFate, have grown Rich, and taken unto myself a Dutch Wife, and had aBrood of little Broad-beamed Children, that should smoke their Tobaccoand quaff their Schiedam, even from their Cradle upwards. Indeed, MadamVanderkipperhaerin of Gouda (the place where the Cows feed in theMeadows clad in Blue-striped Jackets and Petticoats) was pleased to lookupon me with Eyes of Favour, and often said it was a Sin and Shame thatsuch a Proper Man as I (as she was good enough to say) was not Marriedand Settled. And, indeed, why not? I ofttimes asked myself. I hadFlorins, Guilders, and Stuyvers in abundance; my Partner was aMagistrate, and well reputed worthy: why should I not give Hostages toFortune, and have done for good and all with the Life of a RovingBachelor? By this time (although by no means forgetting my own dearnative Tongue) I spoke French with Ease and Fluency, if not withGrammatical correctness; and had likewise an indifferently copiousacquaintance with the Hollands Dialect. Why should not I be aMagistrate, a Burgomaster? Madam Vanderkipperhaerin was Rich, and had abeautiful Summer Villa all glistening with Bee's-waxed Campeachy-woodand Polished Brass on the River Amstel, some three miles from the City. She had a whole Cabinet full of Ostades and Jan Steens in ebony frames, and a Side-board of Antique Plate that might have made Cranbourn Alleyjealous. Why did not I avail myself of the many Propitious Moments thatoffered, and demand the Hand of that most respectable Dutch Dame. 

The Melancholy Truth is, that she chose to be jealous of Betje, Mr. Vandepeereboom's comely Housekeeper, upon whom I declare that I hadnever cast any thing but innocently Paternal Glances, and utterly denythat I ever foregathered with that young Fraw. She was for moving Mr. Vandepeereboom to have Betje sent to the Workhouse, there to be set toSpinning, and to receive the usual unhandsome Treatment; and when herefused, --having, in truth, no fault to find with the PoorGirl, --Madam, in a Huff, withdrew her Countenance and Favour from me, and, with sundry of her spiteful gossips, revived the old Story of myhaving several Wives alive in different parts of Europe and the NewWorld. Surely there was never yet a man so exposed to calumny as poorJohn Dangerous!

Then, to make matters worse, there came that sad Affair of the Beguine. Flesh and blood! a mortal man (I suppose) is not to be reckoned amongthe vilest of Humanity because he falls in Love. How could I helpWilhelmina van Praag being a Beguine? Moreover, a Beguine is not a Nun. The Beguines belong to a modified kind of Monastic Order. They reside ina large House with a wall and ditch around it, and that has a Church andHospital inside, and is for all the world like a little Town. But theSisterhood is perfectly secular; they mingle with the inhabitants of thecity, quit the Convent when they choose, and even marry when they are sominded; but they are obliged, so long as they belong to the Order, toattend Prayers a certain number of times a day, and to be within theConvent-walls at a stated hour every evening. To be admitted to thisOrder, they must be either unmarried or widows without children; and theonly certificate required of them is that of Good Behaviour, and thatthey have a Competence to live upon. You may ask, if this almost entireLiberty be granted them, what there was to hinder Mynheer Jan vanDangerous and the Fair Beguine Wilhelmina van Praag from coming togetheras Man and Wife? Wilhelmina was the comeliest Creature (save one) that Ihave ever seen; and, but that she was a little Stout, would have passedas the living model for the St. Catherine which Signor Raphael thePainter did so well in Oils. I don't think I loved her; but she took myFancy immensely, and meeting her in the houses of divers HonourableFamilies in Amsterdam, 'tis not to be concealed that I courted her withmuch assiduity. This, by some mischief-making Persons, was held to behighly compromising to the Fair Beguine. For all that I had become aGrave Merchant, there was yet somewhat of the Gentleman of the Sword andAdventurer on the High Seas about me; and a great hulking Cousin of theyoung Fraw, that was a Lieutenant in their High Mightinesses LandForces, --the Amphibious Grenadiers I call 'em, and more used toSalt-water than Salt-petre, --must needs challenge me to the Duello. Thelaws against private warfare being very strict in Holland, we wereobliged to make a journey into Austrian Flanders, to Arrange ourDifficulty; and meeting on the borders of the Duchy of Luxembourg, I--Well, is Jack Dangerous to be blamed for that he was, in the prime ofLife, an approved Master of Fence?

The Lieutenant being dead of his Wounds (received in perfectly fairfight), the whole City of Amsterdam must needs cry out that I hadmurdered the Man; and the Families who had once been eager to receive meturned their backs upon me. Then the Fair Beguine must go into a craze;and, upon my word, when I heard how Mad she was, and how they had beenobliged to shut her up in the Hospital, I could not help thinking of theHistory of my Grandmother, and did mistrust meeting the young Fraw vanPraag again (for she was very Sweet, I believe, with the Spark thatforced me to fight with him), for fear that she should Pistol me. Butshe did not; and Recovered, to marry a very Wealthy Shipmaster namedDruyckx. 

While this Ugly Business was the talk of all tongues (but Mr. Vandepeereboom clapped me on the Shoulder, and bade me take my Diversionwhile he minded Business, for that all would Blow Over soon), I took anExcursion ('twas in the third year of my Residence here) into NorthHolland, to visit the famous village of Brock. Here the streets aredivided by little Rivulets, for all the world like Lilliputian Canals;the Houses and Summer-houses all of Wood, painted Green and White, veryhandsome, albeit whimsical in their shape, and scrupulously neat. TheInhabitants have a peculiar association among themselves, and scarcelyever admit a Stranger within their Doors. During my stay I only saw theFaces of two of 'em, and then only by a stealthy Peep. They are said tobe very rich, and in some of their Kitchens to have Pots and Pans ofsolid Gold. The Shutters of the Windows always kept closed, and theHouseholders go to and fro by a Back Door, the Principal Entrance beingopened only at Marriages and Deaths. The Street Pavement all set outwith Pebbles and Cockleshells, and no Dogs or Cats were seen to trespassupon it; and formerly there was a law to oblige all Passengers to takeoff their Shoes. Here it was that a Man was once Convened andReprimanded for Sneezing in the Streets; and, latterly, a Parson, Iheard, upon being appointed to fill the Church on the Demise of an oldPredecessor, gave great offence to his Flock for not taking off hisShoes when he ascended the Pulpit. The Gardens of this strange Villageproduce Deer, Dogs, Peacocks, Chairs, and Ladders, all cut out in Box. Inever saw such a Museum of vegetable Statuary in my Life before. On thewhole, Brock resembles a trim, sprightly Ball-room, all garnished, lighted up, and the floor well chalked, but not a Soul to Scrape Fiddleor Foot Minuet. Farther from here is Saardam, which, at a distance, looks like a City of Windmills. 

_Item. _--I forgot to say, that at Brock they tie up the Cows' Tails withBlue Ribbons. 

The Houses of Saardam are principally built of Wood, and every one has aFantastic kind of Baby Garden. Here is the Wooden Hut where Peter theGreat lived, when he wrought as a Shipwright in the Navy-yard. It standsin a Garden, and is in Decent Preservation. The women in North Hollandare said to be handsomer than in any other part of the country; but Iwas out of taste with Beauty when I came hither, and could see naughtbut ugly Faces. 

So, coming back to Amsterdam, I found that Mr. Vandepeereboom'sPrediction was fulfilled with a Vengeance, and with Compound Interest. The Business of the Beguine had Blown Over; but another affair hadBlown On, and this very speedily ended in a Blow Up. I am sorry to saythat this Fairspoken and seemingly Reputable Mr. Vandepeereboom turnedout to be a very Great Rogue. Our Firm was in the Batavian trade, dealing in fine Spices, Nutmegs, Cloves, Mace, Cinnamon, and so forth;also in Rice, Cotton, and Pepper; and especially in the Java Coffee, which is held to be second only to that of Arabia. In this branch ofTrade the Dutch have no competition, and they are able to keep the priceof their Spices as high as they choose, by ordering what remains unsoldat the price they have fixed upon it to be Burnt. How it came to passthat the Spice Ships consigned to us were all wrecked on the High Seasand never insured; that the Batavian Merchants, to whom we advancedmoney on their Consignments, all failed dismally; that every Speculationwe entered into went against us, and that we always burnt our SurplusGoods just as prices were about to rise, --I know not; but certain it is, that I had not been three weeks back in Amsterdam before the House ofVandepeereboom and Dangerous went Bankrupt. Now 'tis an ugly thing to beBankrupt in Holland. The people are so thrifty and persevering, and sojealous of keeping their Engagements, that the very rarity of Insolvencymakes it Scandalous. A Trading Debtor being a character very seldom tobe met with, he is held in more Odium in Holland than in any other partof Europe. Yet are their Laws of Arrest milder than with us in England, where for a matter of Forty Shillings an Honest Man becomes the prey ofa Catchpole, and for years after he has paid the Debt itself, withexorbitant Costs to some Knavish Limb of the Law, may still continue toRot in Gaol for the Keeper's Fees or Garnish. Here, if the Debtor be aCitizen or Registered Burgher (as I was), he is not subject to have hisPerson seized at the suit of his Creditors, until three regularSummonses have been duly served upon him to appear in the Court, whichProcesses are completed in about a month; after which, if he does notobey it, he may be laid hold of, but only when he has quitted his House;for in Holland a Man's Dwelling is held even more sacred than inEngland, and no Writ or Execution whatever is capable of being servedupon him so long as he keeps close, or even if he stands on thethreshold of his Home. In this Sanctuary he may set at Defiance everyClaimant; but if he have the Hardihood to appear Abroad, the Sergeantscollar him forthwith. But even in this case he goes not to a common Gaolor Prison for Felons, but to a House of Restriction, where he isproperly entreated, and maintained with Liberal Humanity; the Expense ofwhich, as well as the Proceedings, must all be defrayed by theCreditors. This regards only the private Gentleman Debtor; but woebetide the Fraudulent Trader! The Bankrupt Laws of Holland differ fromours in this respect, that all the Creditors must sign the Debtor'sCertificate, or Agreement of Liberation. If any decline, the Ground oftheir Refusal is submitted to Arbitrators, who decide as to the meritsof the case; and if the Broken Merchant be found to be a Cheat, noMercy is shown him. The Rasphuys, the Pillory, nay, even the Dungeonsbeneath the Stadt House, may be his Doom. 

This, Mr. Vandepeereboom (being a born Dutchman) knew very well; and hewaited neither for Deliberations as to his Certificate, nor forArbitrators' award. He e'en showed his Creditors a clean Pair of Heels, and took Shipping for Harwich in England. I believe he afterwardsprospered exceedingly in London as a Crimp, or Purveyor of Men for theSea-Service, and submitted to the East India Company many notable plansfor injuring the Commerce of the Hollanders. I have likewise reason tothink that he did me a great deal of harm amongst my late Owners atBristol and elsewhere, saying that I had been the Ruin of him withWasteful Extravagance and Deboshed Ways, and that but for hisIntercession I should have been Broken on the Wheel for unhandsomeBehaviour to the Fair Beguine. Ere he flitted, he left me a Letter, inwhich he had the Impudence to tell me that he had long since drawn outmy Account from the Bank of Amsterdam, thinking himself much better ableto take care of the Money than I was. Furthermore he contemptuouslyadvised me to try some other line than Commerce, for which I was, through my Former Career--or Vagabond Habits, as he had the face to callit--in no wise Fitted. Finally, he ironically wished me a GoodDeliverance from the hands of the Assessors of the Commercial Tribunal, and, with a Devilish Sneer, recommended his Housekeeper Betje to mycare. O Mr. Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom! if ever we meet again, old as I am, there shall be Weeping in Holland for you--if, indeed, there be anybody left to shed tears for such a Worthless Rascal. 

This most Dishonest Person, however, did me unwittingly a trifle ofgood, and at all events saved me from Gyves and Stripes. That Passage ofhis in the Letter about my Funds in the Bank of Amsterdam was myDeliverance. 'Twas widely known that I was but a simple Seafaring Man, unused to Mercantile Affairs, and that I had really brought with me theconsiderable Sum of Twenty Hundred Pounds. I was arrested, it is true, and lay for many Months in the House of Restriction; but interest wasmade for me, and the Creditors of the Broken House agreed to sign aCertificate of Liberation. I believe that but for that mournful businessof the Beguine, and for that confounded Officer that I sworded, some ofthe Wealthy Merchants would have subscribed to an Association forsetting me up again; but that Rencounter was remembered to my hurt, and, says Mynheer van Bommel, when he brought me my Certificate, "Hark ye, Friend Englander; you are Free this time. Take my advice, and get youout of Holland as quick as ever you can; for their High Mightinesses, tosay nothing of the Worshipful Burgomasters of this City, have amisliking for Men that are too quick with the Sword and too slow withthe Pen; and if you don't speedily mend your way of Life, and bidfarewell to this Country, you will find yourself sawing ofCampeachy-wood at the Rasphuys, with Dirk Juill, the Beadle, standingover you with a Thong. " Upon which I thanked him heartily; and he hadthe Generosity to lend me Fifty Florins to furnish my present needs. 

I was no longer a Young Man. I was now long past my fortieth year, againalmost a Pauper, Friendless and Unknown in the World; yet did I feelUndaunted, and confident that Better Days were in store for me. Pouchingmy Fifty Florins, I first followed the Burgomaster's advice by gettingout of Holland as quick as ever I could, and betook myself byTreyckshuyt and Stage Wagon to the city of Bruxelles in Brabant. Here Iabode for some months in the house of a clean Widow-woman that was aWalloon, who, finding that I was English, and, besides, a very tolerableFrench Scholar, procured me several Pupils among the Tradesfolk in theneighbourhood of the Petit Sablon (hard by the Archduchess Governante'sPalace), where I dwelt on a Sixth Floor. By degrees I did so increase mynumber of Pupils, that I was able to open a School of some thirty Ladsand Lasses. To both indifferently I taught the Languages, with Writingand Accompts; while for the instruction of the latter in Needlework andother Feminine Accomplishments I engaged my Landlady's Daughter, acomely Maiden, albeit Red-haired, and very much pitted with theSmall-pox. Figure to yourself Captain Jack Dangerous turned Dominie! Iam venturesome enough to believe that I was a very passable Pedagogue;and of this I am certain, that I was entirely beloved by my Scholars. The sufferings I had undergone while a Captive in the hands of thatBarbarous Wretch, Gnawbit, had never been effaced from my Memory, andhad made me infinitely tender towards little Children. Indeed I couldscarcely bear to use the Ferula to them, or nip 'em with a Fescue, muchless to untruss and Scourge 'em, as 'tis the brutal fashion of Pedantsto do; nor do I think, though I disobeyed Solomon's maxim, and Sparedthe Rod, that I did much towards Spoiling any Child that was under mycare. I made Learning easy and pleasant to my Youngsters, by tellingthem all sorts of moving and marvellous Stories, drawn from what Booksof History I had handy (and these I admit I coloured a little, to suitthe Imaginations of the Young), and others concerning my own remarkableAdventures, in which, however extraordinary they seemed, I always tookcare to adhere strictly to the Truth, only suppressing that which it wasnot proper for Youth and Innocence to be made acquainted with. 

But Schoolkeeping is a tiresome trade. One cannot be at it day and nighttoo; and a Man must have some place to Divert himself in, when the toilsof the day are over. I found out a Coffee-House in the Rue de Merinos, or Spaan Scheep Straet, as the Flemings call it, in strange likeness toour tongue, and there, over my Tobacco, made some strange Acquaintance. There was one De Suaso, an Empiric, that had writ against the EnglishCollege of Physicians, and was like to have made a Fortune by his famousNostrum for the Gout, _the Sudorific Expulsive Mixture_; but thatScheme had fallen through, it having been discovered that the Mixturewas naught but Quicksilver and Suet, which made the Patients perspireindeed, but turned 'em all, to the very Silver in their Pockets, asBlack as Small-Coal Men. Now, he had become a kind of Pedlar, sellingHandkerchiefs made at Amsterdam, in imitation of those of Naples, withWomen's Gloves, Fans, Essences, and Pomatums--and in fact all theWhim-Whams that are known in the Italian trade as _Galanterie le piùcuriose di Venezia e di Milano_. But his prime trade was in Selling ofSnuff, for the choicer sorts of which there was at that time a perfectRage among the Quality, both of the Continent and of England. This DeSuaso used to Laugh, and say that the best venture he had ever made wasfrom a Parcel of Snuff so bad and rotten, that he was about to send itback to the Hamburg Merchant who had sold it him, when one day, plyingat the chief Coffee-House, as was his wont, my Lord Hautgoustham, anEnglish Nobleman, desired him to fill his box with the choicest Snuffhe had. Thinking my Lord really a Judge, he gives him some undeniable_Bouquet Dauphine_; but the Peer would have none of it. Then he trieshim with one Mixture after another, but always unsuccessfully; until atlast he bethinks him of the Musty Parcel he has at home, andaccordingly, having fetched some of that, returns to the Coffee-House, and says that he has indeed a Snuff of extraordinary Smell and Taste, but that 'tis extravagantly dear. Lord Hautgoustham tries it, and callsout in an ecstasy that 'tis the most beautiful Snuff he ever put to hisNose. He bought a Pound of it, for which De Suaso charged him at themoderate rate of Four Guineas; and desires to know his Lodging, that hemay send his Friends to buy some of this Incomparable Mixture. TheArtful Rogue then affects the Coy, says that his Stock of the Snuff isvery low, and by degrees raises his price to Eleven Pistoles a Pound, until the English in Brussels have been half-poisoned with his filthyRemnant; when there comes upon the scene a certain Mr. Dubiggin, a richold English Merchant of the Caraccas, who knew all kinds of Snuff aswell as a Yorkshire Tyke knows Horses; and he, telling the Nobleman andhis Friends how they have been duped, my Lord Hautgoustham, who was of ahot temper, makes no more ado, but kicks this unhappy De Suaso half waydown the Montagne de la Cour. 

Here, too, I made an Acquaintance who was afterwards the means ofworking me much Mischief. This was one Ferdinando Carolyi, that said hewas a Styrian, but spoke most Tongues, and was a thoroughly accomplishedRascal. He had been a painter of Flower-pieces, and from what I couldlearn had also made the Mill to go in the way of coining False Money;but at the time I knew him was all for the occult Science called theCabala. He showed me a whole chestful of Writings at his Lodgings--whichwere very mean--and declared that he had invented a perfect andparticular System, which he called the Astronomical Terrestrial Cabala. He had run through the whole Pentateuch, and had reduced to the Signsof the Zodiac the words of such Scripture Verses as answered to thesame; one to Aries, the second to Taurus, the third to Gemini, and thelike. In short, there appeared a kind of Harmony in 'em, particularlywhen the Terrestrial Cabala (which was of the Dryest) was moistened witha flask or two of good old Rhenish. The whole of this contrivance was totend towards the Discovery of the Philosopher's Stone. He pretended bythese Astronomical Figures to have penetrated into the most essentialArcana of Nature, and all the necessary operations for attaining the_Elixir Philosophorum_, or some such word. But this Carolyi had such awinning Way with him, that he would well-nigh have talked a Donkey'sHind-leg off. He began to tell me about Peter of Lombardy and the greatadept Zacharias, and of the blessed Terra Foliata, or Land of Leaves, where Gold is sown to be radically Dissolved in order to itsPutrefaction and Regermination in a Fixation which has Power over itsBrethren the Imperfect Metals, and makes them like unto itself; andthis process (which I believe to have been only a story about a Cock anda Bull) he called Re-incrudation. In fact my Gentleman almost talked meout of my Senses: and as I thought him a monstrous clever Man, I lenthim (although my Purse was as lean as might be) half-a-score of AustrianDucats, to carry out his experiments in the Universal Menstruum. Alas! Inever saw my Ducats nor my Alchemist again. A week after I had lent himthe money, he fled on a suspicion of Base Coin; and I had hard work topersuade the Officers of Justice that I had not a hand in hisMalpractices. As it was, nearly all my Scholars fell away from mySchool; and the Impudent Flemings sneered at me as _Mozzoo Kabala_, --intheir barbarous Lingo, --and I was pointed out in the streets as aWizard, a Fortune-teller, a Cunning Man, and what not. So that I wasfain, after about ten years' sojourn at Bruxelles, to call in my Dues, gather my few Effects together, and bidding farewell to Flanders, proceed to Paris. It was time; for the Priests were up in arms againstme as a Heretic Outlaw, dealing in Magic. The Black Gentry arehereabouts very Bigoted; and although they have no Inquisition, would, Idoubt not, have led me a sorry Life, but for my Discretion in timelyFlitting. 

CHAPTER THE FIFTH. 

OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS, WHICH WAS NEARLY MYUNDOING. 

THE Manner of its Coming About was this. I arrived in Paris very Poorand Miserable, and was for some days (when that which I brought with mewas spent) almost destitute of Bread. At last, hearing that some OddHands were wanted at the Opera-House to caper about in a new Ballet uponthe Story of Orpheus, the Master of the Tavern where I Lodged, who hadbeen a Property-Master at the Theatres, and entertained many of thePlaying Gentry, made interest for me, as much to keep me from Starvingas to put me in the way of earning enough money to pay my Score to him. For I have found that there never was in this world a man so Poor buthe could manage to run into Debt. In virtue of his Influence, I, who hadnever so much as stood up in a polite Minuet in my life, and knew nomore of Dancing than sufficed to foot it on a Shuffleboard at a Tavernto the tune of Green Sleeves, was engaged at the wages of one Livre tenSols a night to be a Mime in the same Ballet. But 'twas littleproficiency in Dancing they wanted from me. One need not have been bound'prentice to a Hackney Caper-Merchant to play one of the Furies thathold back Eurydice, and vomit Flames through a Great Mask. They gave mea Monstrous Dress, akin to the _San Benitos_ which are worn by the poorwretches who are burnt by the Inquisition; and my flame-burning was doneby an Ingenious Mechanical Contrivance, that had a most delectableeffect, albeit the Fumes of the Sulphur half-choked me. And they did notask for any Characters for their Furies. I tumbled and vomited Flamesfor at least thirty nights, when one evening, standing at theSide-Scenes waiting for my turn to come on, it chanced that the lightgauzy Coats of a pretty little Dancing-girl, that was playing a Dryad inthe Wood where Orpheus charms the Beast, caught Fire. I think 'twas theCandle fell out of the Moon-box, and so on to her Drapery; but, at allevents, she was Alight, and ran about the Scene, screaming piteously. The poor little cowardly wretches her Companions all ran away in sheerterror; and as for the two Musqueteers of the Guard who stood sentry ateach side of the Proscenium, one dastard Losel fell on his Marrow-bonesand began bawling for his Saints, whilst the other, a more activeCraven, drops his musket and bayonet with a clang, and clambers into theOrchestra, hitting out right and left among the Fiddlers, and verynearly tumbling into the Big Drum. All this took much less time to passthan I have taken to relate; but as quick as thought I rushed on to thestage, seized hold of the little Dancing-girl, tripped her up, androlling her over and over on the Boards, I encompassed her till theflames were Extinguished. Luckily there was no Harm done. She wasBruised all over, and one of her pretty little Elbows was scratched; butthat was all. One of the Gentlemen of the King's Chamber came round fromhis Box; and the Sardinian Ambassador sends round at once a Purse ofFifty Pistoles, and an offer for her to become his Madam; "For I shouldlike one, " his Excellency said, "that had been half-roasted. All theseFrenchwomen look as though they had been boiled. " When the Little Girlwas brought to her Dressing-room, and had somewhat recovered from herFright, she began to thank me, her Preserver, as she called me, withgreat Fervour and Vehemence; yet did I fancy that, although her wordswere excellently well chosen, she spoke with somewhat of an EnglishAccent. And indeed she proved to be English. She was the Daughter of oneMr. Lovell, an English Gentleman of very fair extraction, who had beenunfortunately mixed up in the troubles of the Forty-five; and havingbeen rather a dangerous Plotter, and so excepted from the Act ofOblivion, had been fain to reside in Paris ever since, picking up aCrust as he could by translating, teaching of the Theorbo andHarpsichord, and suchlike sorry Shifts. But he was very well connected, and had powerful friends among the French Quality. He was now a very oldman, but of a most Genteel Presence and Majestic Carriage. The LittleGirl's name--she was now about Eighteen years old--was Lilias, and shewas the only one. As she had a marvellous turn for Dancing, old Mr. Lovell had (in the stress of his Affairs) allowed her to be hired at theOpera House, where she received no less than a Hundred Ecus a month; buthe knew too well what mettle Gentlemen of the King's Chamber andMusqueteers of the Guard were made of; and every night after thePerformance he came down to the Theatre to fetch her--his Hat fiercelycocked, and his long Sword under his arm. So that none dared follow ormolest her. And I question even, if he had heard of the Ambassador'soffer, whether the old Gentleman would not have demanded Satisfactionfrom his Excellency for that slight. 

When I discovered that this dear little Creature, who was as fair as hername and as good as gold, was my Countrywoman, I made bold to tell herthat I was English too; whereupon she Laughed, and in her sweet mannerexpressed her wonder that I had come to be playing a Fury at the FrenchOpera House. I chose to keep my Belongings private for the nonce; so theold Gentleman, treating me as an honest fellow of Low Degree, presentedme with ten Livres, which I accepted, nothing loth, and the TheatrePeople even made a purse for me amounting to Fifty more. So that I gotas rich as a Jew, and was much in favour with my Landlord. But, betterthan all, the Little Girl, as I was her Preserver, insisted that Ishould be her Protector too; and old Mr. Lovell being laid up very badwith the rheumatism, I was often privileged to attend her home after theTheatre, walking respectfully a couple of paces behind her, and graspinga stout Cudgel. Father and Daughter lived in the Impasse MauvaiseLangue, Rue des Moineaux, behind St. Rogue's Church; and often when Ihad got my precious charge home, she would press me to stop to supper, the which I took very humbly at a side table, and listened to thestories of old Mr. Lovell (who was very garrulous) about the Forty-five. "Bless his old heart, " thought I; "I could tell him something about theForty-five that would astonish him. "

'Twas one night after leaving the Impasse Mauvaise Langue that, feelingboth cold and dry, I turned into a Tavern that was open late, for ameasure of Hot Spiced Wine, as a Night-cap. There was no one there, beyond the People of the House, save a man in a Drugget coat, a greenvelveteen Waistcoat, red plush Nethers, and a flapped Hat, all very Wornand Greasy. He was about my own age, and wore his own Hair; but the mostremarkable thing about him was his Face. I never saw such a Red Face. 'Twas a hundred times more fiery than that of Bardolph in the Play. 'Twas more glowing than a Salamander's. 'Twas redder than Sir RobertWalpole's (the great Whig Minister who, in my youth, was called by theCommon "Brandy-faced Bob!"). This man's Face was most terribly puffedand swollen, and the veins all injected with purplish Blood. The tips ofhis Ears were like two pendant Carbuncles. His little bloodshot Eyesseemed starting from their Sockets, while the Cheeks beneath puffed outlike Pillows for his Orbits to rest upon. Not less worthy of remark wasit that this Red-faced Man's Lips were of a tawny White. He was for everscrabbling with his hands among his tufted Locks, and pressing them tohis Temples, as though his Head pained him--which there was reason tobelieve it did. 

This strange Person was, when I entered the Wine-shop, in hot Disputewith the Master about some trifling Liquor Score. He would not Pay, hesaid; no, not he. He had been basely Robbed and Swindled. He had plentyof Money, but he would not disburse a Red Liard. He showed, indeed, aLeathern Purse with two or three Gold Pieces in it, and smaller Money;but declared that he would Die sooner than disburse. And as he saidthis, he drew out of his pocket a long Clasp-Knife, two-bladed; andopening it, brandished it about, and said they had better let him go, orWorse would come of it. 

The Master of the Tavern and his Wife, decent bodies both, were wofullyfrightened at the behaviour of this Desperado; but I was not to befrightened by such Racketing. I bade him put up his Toothpick, givinghim at the same time a Back-Hander, which drove him into a Corner, wherehe crouched, snarling like a Wild-beast, but offering to do me no hurt. Then I asked what the To-do was about, and was told that he stoodindebted but for Eight Sols, for Half a Litre of Wine, and that theycould not account for his Fury. The Man was evidently not in Liquor, which was strange. 

These good people were so flustered at the Man's uncommon Demeanour, that, seeing I was Strong and Valiant, they begged me to take him away. This I did, first discharging his Reckoning; for as he had Money abouthim, I doubted not but that he would recoup me. I got him into theStreet (which was close to the Market of the Innocents, and I lived inthe Street of the Ancient Comedy, t'other side of the River), and askedhim where he was going. 

"To get a Billet of Confession, " he made answer. 

"Stuff and Nonsense!" I answered, in the French Tongue. "They sell themnot at this Hour of Night. Where do you live?"

"In the Parvis of Notre Dame, " says he, staring like a Stuck Pig. "OArnault! O Jansenius! O Monsieur de Paris! all this is your fault!"

And he lugs out of his Pocket a ragged Sheet of Paper, which he said wasthe last Mandement or Charge of the Archbishop of Paris, and was forreading it to me by the Moonlight; but I stopped him short. I had heardin a vague manner that the Public Mind was just then much agitated bysome Dispute between the Clergy and the Parliament concerning Billets orCertificates of Confession; but they concerned neither me nor the OperaHouse. Besides, an Hour after Midnight is not the time for readingArchbishops' Charges in the Public Streets. 

"'Tis my belief, Brother, " I said, as soothingly as I could, "that you'dbetter go Home, and tie a Wet Clout round your Head; or, better still, hie to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood. Have you e'er a Home?"

He began to tell me that his Name was ROBERT FRANÇOIS DAMIENS; that hehad come from Picardy; that he had been a Stableman, a Locksmith, aCamp-follower, and a Servant at the College of Louis-le-Grand; that hehad a Wife who was a Cook in a Noble Family, and a Daughter who colouredPrints for a Seller of Engravings. In short, he told me all save what Idesired to know. And in the midst of his rambling recital he stops, andclaps his Hand to his Forehead again. 

"What ails you?" I asked. 

"_C'est le Sang, c'est le Sang qui me monte à la Tête!_" cries he. "_LaFaute est à Monseigneur et à son Mandement. Je périrai; mais les Grandsde la Terre périront avec moi. _"[B]

And with this Bedlamite Speech he broke away from me, --for I had kept aslight hold of him, --and set off Running as hard as his legs could carryhim. 

I concluded that this Red-faced Man must be some Mad Fellow just escapedout of Charenton; and, having other Fish to fry, let him follow his owndevices. Whereupon I kindled a Pipe of Tobacco, and went home to Bed. 

Two days after this (March, 1757), the whole Troop of the Opera Housewere commanded to Versailles, there to perform the Ballet of Orpheusbefore Mesdames the King's Daughters. I had by this time received slightPromotion, and played the Dog Cerberus, --at which my dear little Angelof a Lilias made much mirth. His Majesty was to have waited atVersailles for the playing of the Piece; but after Dinner he changes hismind, and determines on returning to his other Palace of Trianon. 

'Twas about Five o'clock in the Afternoon, and there was a great Crowdin the Court of Marble to see the Most Christian King take Coach forTrianon. The Great Court was full of Gardes Françaises, Musqueteers Redand Gray carrying Torches, with Coaches, Led Horses, Prickers, Grooms, Pages, Valets, Waiting Women, and all the Hurley-Burly of a great Court. Some few of the Commonalty also managed to squeeze themselvesin--amongst others, your humble Servant, John Dangerous, who was nowreckoned no better than a Rascal Buffoon. 

'Twas bitterly cold, and freezing hard, and the Courtiers had theirhands squeezed into great fur Muffs. I saw the King come down the MarbleStaircase; a fair portly Gentleman, with a Greatcoat, lined with fur, over his ordinary vestments--then a novelty among the French, and calleda _Redingote_, from our English Riding-coat. 

"Is that the King?" I heard a Voice, which I seemed to remember, askbehind me, as the Monarch passed between a double line of Spectators tohis Coach. 

"Yes, Dog, " answered he who had been addressed, and who was an Officerin the Gray Musqueteers. "Pig, why dost thou not take off thy Hat?"

I was all at once pushed violently on one side. A Man with a DruggetCoat and Flapped Hat, and whom I at once recognised by the light of theglaring torches as the Red-faced Brawler of the Wine-shop, dartedthrough the line of Guards, an open Knife in his hand, and rushing upto him, stabbed King Lewis the Fifteenth in the side. 

I could hear his Majesty cry out, "_Oh! je suis blessé!_"--"I amwounded!"--but all the rest was turbulence and confusion; in the midstof which, not caring that the Red-faced Man should claim me as anAcquaintance, I slipped away. I need scarcely say that there was noBallet at Versailles that night. 

A great deal of Blood came from the King's Wound; for he was a PlethoricSovereign, much given to High Living; but he was, on the whole, moreFrightened than Hurt. Although when the Assassin was first laid hold of, His Majesty cried out in an Easy Manner that no Harm was to be done him, he never afterwards troubled his Royal Self in the slightest Manner toput a stop to the Hellish Torments inflicted on a Poor Wretch, who had, at the most, but scratched his Flesh, and for whom the most fittingPunishment would have been a Cell in a Madhouse. 

As for this most miserable Red-faced Man, Robert François Damiens, thisis what was done to him. At first handling, he was very nearly murderedby the Young Gentlemen Officers of the Body Guard, who, having tied himto a Bench, pricked him with their Sword Points, beat him with theirBelts, and pummelled him about the Mouth with the Butt-ends of Pistols. Then he was had to the Civil Prison; and a certain President, namedMichault, came to interrogate him, who being most zealous to discoverwhether the Parricide (as he was called) had any Accomplices, heated aPair of Pincers in the Fire, and when they were red-hot, clawed anddragged away at the Unhappy Man's Legs, till the whole Dungeon did reekwith the horrible Odour of Burnt Flesh. Just imagine one of our EnglishJudges of the Land undertaking such a Hangman's Office! The poor Wretchmade no other complaint than to murmur that the King had directed thathe was not to be ill-treated; and when they further questioned him, could only stammer out some Incoherent Balderdash about the Archbishop, the Parliament, and the Billets of Confession. 

After many Days, he was removed from Versailles to Paris; but his Legswere so bad with the Burning, that they were obliged to carry him awayon a Mattress. So to Paris; the Journey taking Six Hours, through hisgreat attendance of Guards and the thickness of the Crowd. He was had tothe Prison of the Conciergerie, and put into a Circular Dungeon in theTower called of Montgomery--the very same one where Ravaillac, thatkilled Henry the Fourth, had formerly lain. There they put him into akind of Sack of Shamoy Leather, leaving only his Head free; and he wastied down to his bed--which was a common Hospital Pallet--by an immensenumber of Leathern Straps, secured by Iron Rings to the Floor of hisDungeon. But what Dr. Goldsmith, the Poetry-writer, means by "Damiens'Bed of Steel, " I'm sure I don't know. At the head and foot of his Bed anExempt kept watch Night and Day, and every three-quarters of an hourthe Guard was relieved; so that the Miserable Creature had little chanceof Sleeping. He would have sunk under all this Cruelty, but that theykept him up with Rich Meats and Generous Wines, which they had all butto force down his Throat. 

But while all this was being done to Damiens, other steps were beingtaken by Justice, the which narrowly concerned me. As he would denounceno Accomplices, real or imaginary, the Police did their best to find outhis Confederates for themselves, and by diligent Inquiry made themselvesacquainted with all Damiens' movements for days before he committed hisCrime. They found out the Wine-shop where he had refused to pay hisReckoning and made a Disturbance; and learning from the people of theHouse what manner of Man had paid for him and taken him away, they weresoon on _my_ track. One night, just before the Ballet began, I was takenby two Exempts; and, in the very play-acting dress as Cerberus that Iwore, was forced into a Sedan, and taken, surrounded by Guards, to thePrison of the Châtelet. I thought of appealing to our Ambassador inParis, and proving that I was a faithful Subject of King George; but, asit happened, I owed my safety to one who disowned that Monarch, and keptall his Allegiance for King James. For old Mr. Lovell, hearing of myArrest, and importuned by poor Pretty Miss Lilias, who was kind enoughto shed many Tears on the occasion, hurried off to his Eminence theCardinal de ----, who was all but supreme at Court, and with whom he hadgreat Influence. The Cardinal listens to him very graciously, and by andby comes down the President Pasquier to interrogate me, to whom I told aplain Tale, setting forth how I had been unfortunate in Business inHolland and Flanders, and was earning an honest Livelihood by playing aDog in a Pantomime. The people in the Wine-shop could not but bear meout in stating that I had come across the Red-faced Man by pureAccident, and was no Friend of his. It was moreover established by thePolice, that I had not been seen in Damiens' company after the Night Ifirst met him, and that I had a legitimate call to be at Versailles onthe day of the Assassination; so that after about a fortnight'sdetention I was set at Liberty, to my own great joy and that of my goodand kind Mistress Lilias, who had now repaid ten-thousand-fold whateverpaltry Service I had been fortunate enough to render her. Nay, thisseeming Misadventure was of present service to me; for his Eminence waspleased to say that he should be glad to hear something more concerningme, for that I seemed a Bold Fellow; and at an Interview with him, whichlasted more than an Hour, I told him my whole Life and Adventures, whichcaused him to elevate his Eyebrows not a little. 

"_Cospetto!_ Signor Dangerous, " says he (for though he spoke French likea Native he was by Birth an Italian, and sometimes swore in thatLanguage), "if all be true what you say, --and you do not look like aMan who tells Lies, --you have led a strange Life. When a Boy, you werenearly Hanged; and now at the _mezzo cammin_ of Life you have been onthe point of having your Limbs broken on a St. Andrew's Cross. However, we must see what we can do for you. Strength, Valour, Experience, andDiscretion do not often go together; but I give you credit forpossessing a fair show of all Four. I suppose, now, that you are tiredof squatting at the Wicket of the Infernal Regions at the Opera House?"

I bowed in acknowledgment of his Eminence's compliments, and said that Ishould be glad of any Employment. 

"Well, well, " continued his Eminence, "we will see. At present, as yousay you are a fair Scholar, my Secretary will find you some work incopying Letters. And here, Signor Dangerous, take these ten Louis, andfurnish yourself with some more Clerkly Attire than your present trim. It would never do for a Prince of the Church to have a Flavour of theOpera Side-Scenes about his house. "

Unless Rumour lied, there hung sometimes about his Eminence's sumptuoushotel a Flavour, not alone of the Opera Side-Scenes, but of theBallet-Dancers' Tiring-room. However, let that pass. I took the tenLouis with many Thanks, and six hours afterwards was strutting about ina suit of Black, full trimmed, with a little short Cloak, for all theworld like a Notary's Clerk. 

I had been in the Employ of his Eminence--who showed me daily more andmore favour--about a month, when all Paris was agog with the News thatthe Monster Parricide and Hell-Hound (as they called him from thePulpit), Robert François Damiens, was to suffer the last Penalty of hisCrime. I know not what strange horrible fascination I yielded to, but Icould not resist the desire to see the End of the Red-faced Man. I went. The Tragedy took place on the Place de Grêve; but ere he came on to hislast Scene, Damiens had gone through other Woes well-nigh unutterable. I speak not of his performing the _amende honorable_, bare-footed, inhis Shirt, a Halter round his Neck, and a lighted Taper of six pounds'weight in his Hand, at the Church-door, confessing his Crime, and askingPardon of God, the King, and all Christian Men. Ah! no; he had sufferedmore than this. Part of his Sentence was that, prior to Execution, hewas to undergo the Question Ordinary and Extraordinary; and so at theConciergerie, in the presence of Presidents, Counsellors of theParliament, Great Noblemen of the Court, and other Dignitaries, the PoorThing was put into the _Brodequins_, or Boots, and wedge after wedgedriven in between his Legs--already raw and inflamed with the Devilriesof the President Michault--and the Iron Incasement. He rent the air withhis Screams, until the Surgeons declared that he could hold out nolonger. But he confessed nothing; for what had he to confess?

Then came the last awful Day, when all this Agony was to end. I saw itall. The Grêve was densely packed; and although the space is not a thirdso large as Tower Hill, there seemed to be Thousands more personspresent than at the beheading of my Lord Lovat. A sorrier Sight was itto see the windows of the Hôtel de Ville thronged with Great Ladies ofthe Court, many of them Young and Beautiful, and all bravely Dressed, who laughed and chattered and ate Sweetmeats while the Terrible Show wasgoing on. The Sentence ran that the Assassin's Hand, holding the Knifewhich he had used, should be Burnt in a Slow-fire of Sulphur. Then thathis Flesh should be torn on the Breast, Arms, Stomach, Thighs, andCalves of the Legs with Pincers; and then that into the gaping Woundsthere should be poured Melted Lead, Rosin, Pitch, Wax, and Boiling Oil. And finally, that by the Four Extremities he should be attached to FourHorses, and rent Asunder; his Body then to be Burnt, and his Ashesscattered to the Winds. There was nothing said about the Lord havingmercy upon his Soul; but careful injunction was made that he was to becondemned in the Costs of the Prosecution. 

All this was done, although I sicken to record it; but in the mostBlundering Butcherly manner. The Chief-Executioner of the Parliament wasSick, and so the task was deputed to his Nephew, Gabriel Sanson, whobeing, notwithstanding his Sanguinary Office (which is hereditary), aHumane kind of Young Man, was all in a Shiver at what he had to perform, and quite lost his Head. Both his Valets, or Under-Hangmen, were Drunk. They had forgotten the Pitch, Oil, Rosin, and other things; and at thelast moment they had to be sent for to the neighbouring Grocers'. Butthese Shopkeepers declared, out of humanity, that they had them not;whereupon Guards and Exempts were sent, who searched their Stores, andseized what was wanted in the King's Name. Then the Fiendish Show began. I can hear the miserable man's Shrieks as I sit writing this now. --Butno more. 

So strong is our Human Frame, that the great strong Brewer's Horses, although Dragged and Whipped this way and t'other, could not pull hislimbs Asunder. So the Surgeons were obliged to sever the great Sinewswith Knives, and then the Horses managed it, somehow. 

_Note. _--When the Horses were Lashed, to make 'em pull Lustily, the FineLadies at the windows fluttered their Fans, and, in their sweet littleCourt Lingo, cried out compassionately, "_Oh, les pauv' Zevaux!_"--"Oh, the poor Dobbins!" They didn't say any thing about a poor Damiens. 

_Note. _--Also, that when they took his Head, to cram it into theBrazier, and burn it with the rest of his Members, they found that hisHair, which when he was arrested was of a Dark Brown, had turned quiteWhite. 

This Story is Naked Truth, and it was done in the Christian country ofFrance, and in the Year of our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Fifty-Seven. It all fell out because a poor, ignorant, half-crazy Serving-Man choseto muddle his Head about the Archbishop of Paris and his Billets ofConfession, and because he would not go to a Chirurgeon and be let Bloodwhen Jack Dangerous bade him. 

A week after this his Eminence was pleased to send for me into hisCabinet, and told me that he had heard great Accounts from his Secretaryof my Parts, Application, and Capacity, and that he designed to restoreme to the position of a Gentleman. He asked me if I had a mind for aparticular Employment and a Secret Mission; and on my signifying mywillingness to embark in such an Undertaking, bade me hold myself inreadiness to travel forthwith into Italy. 

FOOTNOTE:

[B] "'Tis the Blood, the Blood mounting to my Head! 'Tis theArchbishop's fault, and that of his Charge. I shall perish; but theMighty Ones of the Earth shall perish with me. "

I have, contrary to my practice, given these Words as they were spoken, in the French Tongue: for they sunk into my Mind, so as never to beforgotten. --J. D. 

CHAPTER THE SIXTH. 

OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE CARDINAL DE ----. 

PARIS was now clearly no place for me; so bidding adieu to my kindProtectress, I made what haste I could to quit the city where I hadwitnessed, and in some sense been implicated in, so Frightful a Tragedy. There had always been mingled with my Adventurous Temperament a turn forsober Reflection; and I did not fail to Reflect with much seriousnessupon the appalling perils from which I had just, by the Mercy ofProvidence, escaped. Setting altogether on one side the Pretty Sight Ishould have presented had I been subject to the Hellish Tortures whichthis poor crazy Wretch Damiens underwent, I justly conceived an extremeHorror for this Fiendish yet frivolous People, who could mingle thetwirling of Fans and the sucking of Sugarplums, with the mostexcruciating Torments ever inflicted upon a Human Being. At least, so Ireasoned to myself; if we English hang and disembowel a Traitor, atleast we strangle him first; and though the sentence is Bloodthirsty, the mob would rend 'Squire Ketch in pieces were it known that a Spark ofLife remained in the Body of the Patient when the Hangman's Knifetouched his Breast; but these Frenchmen have neither Humanity norDecency, and positively pet and pamper up their Victim in order that hemay be the better able to endure the full effects of their infernalSpite. 

Not without considerable Misgivings did I undertake my new Employment, the more so as I was both forbidden and ashamed to impart any inkling ofits nature to my dear Mistress. Say what you will, no man that has aspark of Honesty remaining in him can have much relish for the callingof a Spy. I tried hard to persuade myself that this was a kind ofDiplomatic Employment; that I was intrusted with Secrets of State; andthat by faithfully carrying out my Instructions, I was serving the causeof Civilisation, and in my humble way helping to maintain the Peace ofEurope. For in all ages there have been, and in all to come there mustbe, sober and discreet Persons to act as Emissaries, to inquire into theconditions of the People, and bring back Tidings of the Nakedness orFertility of the Land. It would never have been known that there wasCorn in Egypt, but for the sagacious Investigations of Messengers sentto quest about in the interest of a Famished Community. Nevertheless Iadmit that, although I spread much such Balsam upon my galled and chafedConscience, I could not avoid a dismal Distrust that all these Argumentswere vain and Sophistical. The words, "Spy, Spy, Spy, " haunted me bothby day and by night. I saw, in imagination, the Finger of Derisionpointed at me, and heard, in spirit, the wagging of the Tongues ofEvil-minded Men. The worst of it was, that the occult nature of myMission prevented me from loudly proclaiming my Honesty in order tovindicate it against all comers, and glued my Sword to its Scabbard, whence it would otherwise furiously have leapt to avenge the merestSlight put upon me. 

His Eminence the Cardinal de ---- was pleased to equip me for my Journeyin the most munificent Manner. First he directed me to procure aplentiful stock of Clothes both for travelling and for gala Occasions, not forgetting a couple of good serviceable Rapiers, as well as aWalking-sword, a Dress-foil, and a Hanger, with a pair of HolsterPistols, and two smaller ones of Steel in case of Emergencies. Also, byhis advice, within the lining of my Coat, by the nape of my Neck, justwhere the bag of my Wig hung, I secreted a neat little Poniard orDagger. In a small Emerald Ring, of which he made me a Present, wascompactly stowed a quantity of very subtle and potent Poison, sufficientto kill Two Men. "One never knows what may happen, dear Captain, " sayshis Eminence to me, with his unctuous Smile. "Your Profession is one ofsudden Risks, leading sometimes to prospects of painful Inconvenience. If you are brought to such a pass that all your Ingenuity will notenable you to extricate yourself from it, and if you have any rationalObjection, say, to being Burnt Alive, or Broken on the Wheel, 'tisalways as well to have the means at hand of executing oneself withgenteel Tranquillity. Such means you will always carry with you on yourLittle Finger; and I can see, by the circumference of the Ring, that'tis only by Sawing off that it can be got from off your Digit. Poisonyourself then, _mio caro_, if you see no other way of getting out of theScrape; but pray remember this; That he who has poison about him, andonly enough for one, is an Ass. _Always carry enough for Two. _ Theimmersion of that little finger in a Glass of Wine, and the pressure ofa little Spring, would make Hercules so much cold chicken in a Moment. There are times, dear Captain, when you may have to save Half yourPotion to kill yourself, but when you may safely lay out the other Halfwith the view of killing somebody else. " A mighty pleasant Way had hisEminence with him; and his conversation was a kind of Borgia Brocadeshot with Machiavelism. 

My Despatches and other Secret Documents I was to carry neatly foldedand moulded within a Ball of Wax not much larger than a Pill. This againwas put into a Comfit-box of Gold, and suspended by a minute but strongChain of Steel round my Neck. 

"In difficult Circumstances, " says his Eminence, "you will open thatComfit-box and swallow that little Ball of Wax. I have often thought, "he pursued, "that Spies, to be perfect in their Vocation, should firstof all be apprenticed to Mountebanks. At the Fair of St. Germain, I havegazed with admiration on the grotesquely bedizened fellows who swallowSwords, Redhot Pokers, and Yards of Ribbon without number, and thoughtof what invaluable service their Powers of Gullet would be in the rapidand effectual concealment of Documents the which it is expedient toconceal from the eyes of the Vulgar. "

Again, in the folds of a silken belt, in the which I was to keep myLetters of Credit and a large unset Diamond, in case I should be pressedfor Money in places where there were no Bankers, --for Diamonds areconvertible into Cash from one end of the World to the other, exceptamong the Cannibals, --in this Belt was a little Scrap of Parchmentsecured between two squares of Glass, and bearing an Inscription inminute characters, which I was unable to decipher. I have the Scrap ofParchment by me yet, and have shown it to Doctor Dubiety, who is a verylearned man; but even he is puzzled with it; and beyond opining that thecharacters are either Arabic or Sanscrit, cannot give me any informationregarding their Purport. 

"This Parchment, " observed the Cardinal when he delivered it to me, "will be of no service to you with Civil or Military Governors, and itwill be well for you not to show it to carnal-minded Men; but if everyou get into difficulties with Holy Mother Church--I speak not ofHeretic Communions--you may produce it at once, and it will be sure todeliver you from those Fiery Furnaces and the Jaws of those DevouringDragons of whom the said Holy Mother Church is sometimes forced (throughthe perversity of Mankind) to make use. "

Finally, this same Belt contained a curious Contrivance, by means of apiece of Vellum perforated in divers places, for deciphering the LettersI might receive from his Eminence or his agents. On placing the Vellumover the Letter sent, the words intended to meet the eyes of therecipient, and none other, would appear through the incisions made;while, the Vellum removed, the body of the Epistle would read like theveriest Balderdash. This the French call a _chiffre à grille_, and 'tismuch used in their secret Diplomatic Affairs. The best of it is, thatwhen the two Parties who wish to correspond have once settled where theincisions are to be, and have each gotten their _grille_, or PeepholeVellum, no human being can, under ten thousand combinations of letters, and years of toilsome labour, decipher what is meant to be expressed, orWeed out the few Words of Meaning from the mass of surrounding Rubbish. 

I bade his Eminence farewell, having the honour to be admitted to his_petit lever_, the felicity to kiss his hand and receive hisBenediction, and the distinction of being conducted down the Back Stairsby his Maître d'Hôtel, and let out by a Side Door in the Garden-wall ofhis Mansion. A close Chariot took me one morning in the Spring of '58 tothe Barrière de Lyon, and there I found a Chaise and Post-horses, andwas soon on my road to the South, with three hundred Louis in Gold in myValise, and a Letter of Credit for any sum under five hundred at a time, I liked to draw, in my Waist-belt. I was Richer in Purse and morebravely Dressed than ever I had been in my life, and travelled under thename of the Chevalier Escarbotin; but I was a Spy, and in mine own eyesI was the Meanest of the Mean. 

A happy Mercurial Temper and cheerful Flow of Spirits soon, however, revived within me; and, ere Ten Leagues of my Journey were over, theChevalier Escarbotin became once more to himself Jack Dangerous. "I willwork the Mine of my Manhood, " I cried out in the Chaise, "to the lastVein of the Ore. _Vive la Joie!_" Yet in my innermost heart did I wishmyself once more with Captain Blokes as the daring Supercargo of thedear old _Marquis_, or else a Peaceful Merchant at Amsterdam, givinggood advice to the Rogues and Sluts in the Rasphuys. O Mr. Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom!

Six days after my departure from Paris, I embarked from Marseille onboard a Tartane bound for Genoa. We had fine sailing for about threedays, till by contrary winds we were driven into San Remo, a prettySeaport belonging to the Genoese. This abounds so much with Oranges, Lemons, and other Delicious Fruit, that it is called the Paradise ofItaly. So on to Genoa, where the Beggars live in Palaces cheek by jowlwith the Nobles, who are well-nigh as beggarly as they; and the Housesare as lofty as any in Europe, and the Streets between them as dark andnarrow as Adam and Eve Court in the Strand. The Suburb called San Pietrod'Arena very pretty, and full of commodious Villas. There are thirtyParish Churches, and at San Lorenzo they show a large Dish made out ofOne Emerald, which they say was given to King Solomon by the Queen ofSheba. The Genoese are a cunning and industrious People, with a greatgusto for the Arts, but terrible Thieves. The Government a Republic, headed by a Doge, that is chosen every two years from among theNobility, and must be a Genoese, at least Fifty years of age, and noByblow. He cannot so much as lie One Night out of the City, withoutleave had from the Senate. When he is elected, they place a Crown ofGold on his Head, and a Sceptre in his Hand. His Robes are of CrimsonVelvet, and he has the title of Serenity. 

Here I did business with several Persons of Consideration; the SenatorsB--c--i and Delia G----, the rich Banker L----, and Monsignore theArchprelate X----. So by Cortona, where there is a strong Castle on aHill, to Pavia, an old decaying City on the River Tessin, which is sorapid that Bishop Burnet says he ran down the Stream thirty miles inthree hours by the help of one Rower only. This may be, or t'other way;but I own to placing very little faith in the veracity of theseCat-in-Pan Revolution Bishops. Here (at Pavy) is a Brass Statue ofMarcus Antoninus on Horseback; though the Pavians will have it to beCharles the Fifth, and others declare it to be Constantine the Great. 

After two days here, waiting for Despatches from his Eminence, whichcame at last in the False Bottom of a Jar of Narbonne Honey, and Ianswering by a Billet discreetly buried in the recesses of a largeBologna Sausage, I posted to Milan, through a fertile and deliciouscountry, which some call the Garden of Italy. A broad, clean place, withspacious Streets; but the Wine and Maccaroni not half so good as atGenoa. The Cathedral full of Relics, some of which run up as high asAbraham. In the Ambrosian Library are a power of Books, and, what ismore curious, the Dried _Heads_ of several Learned Men--amongst others, that of our Bishop Fisher, whom King Harry the Eighth put to death fornot acknowledging his Supremacy. About two miles from hence is aCuriosity, in the shape of a Building, where, if you fire off a Pistol;the Sound returns about Fifty times. 'Tis done, they told me, by twoParallel Walls of a considerable length, which reverberate the Sound toeach other till the undulation is quite spent. The which, being soinformed, I was as wise concerning the Echo as I had been before. 

It was my Design to have proceeded from Milan either to Venice or to thefamous Capital City of Rome; but Instructions from his Eminence forcedme to retrace my steps, and at Genoa I embarked for Naples. This is avery handsome place, but villanously Dirty, and governed in a mostDespotic Manner. Nearly all the Corn Country round about belongs to theJesuits, who make a pretty Penny by it. The taxes very high, and laid onWine, Meat, Oil, and other Necessaries of Life; indeed on every thingeatable except Fruit and Fowls, which you may buy for a Song. AllForeigners who have here purchased Estates are loaded with ExtraordinaryTaxes and Impositions. The City is remarkable for its Silk Stockings, Waistcoats, Breeches, and Caps; Soap, Perfume, and Snuff-boxes. Theycool their Wine with Snow, which they get out of pits dug in theMountain-sides. Near here, too, is a Burning Mountain they call Vesuvio. It may be mighty curious, but 'tis as great a Nuisance and PerpetualAlarm to the peaceable Inhabitants of Naples as a Powder Magazine. Veryoften this Vesuvio gives itself up to hideous Bellowing, causing theWindows, nay the very Houses, in Naples to Shake, and then it vomitsforth vast Quantities of melted Stuff, which streams down theMountain-sides like a pot boiling over. Sometimes it darkens the Sunwith Smoke, causing a kind of Eclipse; then a Pillar of Black Smoke willstart up to a prodigious Height in the air, and the next morning youwill find the Court and Terrace of your House, be it ten miles away, allstrewn with Fine Ashes from Vesuvio. 

CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. 

I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM SEDUCED TO A STATE OFMISERABLE SLAVERY. 

I THINK I should have been much better off, if, stopping at Naples, Ihad fallen into the blazing Crater of Vesuvio, and have cast up againinto the air in the shape of Red-Hot Ashes. I think it would have beenbetter for me to be Bitten by the Tarantula Spider (which is about thesize of a small Nutmeg, and when it bites a person throws him into allkinds of Tumblings, Anger, Fear, Weeping, Crazy Talk, and Wild Actions, accompanied by a kind of Bedlam Gambado), than to have gone upon thepretty Dance I was destined to Lead. However, there was no disobeyingthe commands of his Eminence, who, in his Smooth Italian way, told me atParis that those of his Servants who did not attend to his Behests, were much subject to dying Suddenly after Supper; and so, Willy-nilly, Isped upon my Dark Errand. 

Business now took me to Venice. This is a very grand City, both for theMagnificence of its Nobles and the Extent of its Commerce. The Doge isonly a Sumptuous kind of Puppet, the Real Government being vested in theSeignory, or Council of Ten, that carry matters with a very High Hand, but, on the whole, give Satisfaction both to the Quality and the Common. Here are numbers of Priests of a very Free Life and Conversation, andswarms of Monks that are notorious Evil-doers; for during the Carnival(a very famous one here) they wear Masks, sing upon Stages, and fallinto many other Practices unbecoming their Profession. The Venetian Nunsare the merriest in all Europe, and have a not much better Repute thanthe Monks, many of them being the Daughters of the Nobility, who disposeof 'em in this manner to save the Charges of keeping 'em at home. Theywear no Veils; have their Necks uncovered; and receive the Addresses ofSuitors at the Grates of their Parlours. The Patriarch did indeed at onetime essay to Reform the abuses that had crept into the Nunneries; butthe Ladies of San Giacomo, with whom he began, told him plainly thatthey were Noble Venetians, and scorned his Regulations. Thereupon heattempted to shut up their House, which so provoked 'em that they weregoing to set Fire to it; but the Senate interposing, commanded thePatriarch to desist, and these Merry Maidens had full liberty to resumetheir Madcap Pranks. 

Here they make excellent fine Drinking-glasses and Mirrors; likewiseGold and Silver Stuffs, Turpentine, Cream of Tartar, and other articles. The Streets mostly with Water running thro' 'em, like unto Rotterdam, all going to and fro done in Boats called Gondoles, --a dismal, Hearse-looking kind of Wherry, with a prow like the head of a Bass-Viol, and rowed, or rather shoved along with a Pole by a Mad, Ragged Fellow, that bawls out verses from Tasso, one of their Poets, as he plies hisOar. The great Sight at Venice, after the Grand Canal and St. Mark'sPlace, is the Carnival, which begins on Twelfth Day, and holds all Lent. The Diversion of the Venetians is now all for Masquerading. Under aDisguise, they break through their Natural Gravity, and fall heartilyinto all the Follies and Extravagances of these occasions. With Operas, Plays, and Gaming-Houses, they seem to forget all Habits, Customs, andLaws; lay aside all cares of Business, and swamp all Distinctions ofRank. This practice of Masking gives rise to a variety of LoveAdventures, of which the less said the better; for the Venetian BonaRobas, or Corteggiane, as they call 'em now, are a most ArtfulGeneration. The pursuit of Amours is often accompanied by Broils andBloodshed; and Fiery Temper is not confined to the Men, but often breaksout in the Weaker Sex; an instance of which I saw one day in St. Mark'sPlace, where two Fine Women, Masked, that were Rivals for the favour ofthe same Gallant, happening to meet, and by some means knowing oneanother, they fell out, went to Cuffs, tore off each other's Mask, andat last drew Knives out of their pockets, with which they Fought soseriously, that one of them was left for Dead upon the Spot. 

Another Frolic of the Carnival is Gaming, which is commonly inNoblemen's Houses, where there are Tables for that purpose in ten ortwelve Rooms on a floor, and seldom without abundance of Company, whoare all Masked, and observe a profound Silence. Here one meets Ladies ofPleasure cheek by jowl with Ladies of Quality, who, under the protectionof a convenient piece of Black Satin or Velvet, are allowed to enjoy theentertainments of the Season; but are generally attended either by theHusband or his Spies, who keep a watchful eye on their Behaviour. Besides these Gaming-Rooms, there are others, where Sweetmeats, Wine, Lemonade, and other Refreshments may be purchased, the Haughty Nobilityof Venice not disdaining to turn Tavern-keepers at this season of theyear. Here it is usual for Gentlemen to address the Ladies and employtheir wit and raillery; but they must take care to keep within thebounds of Politeness, or they may draw upon themselves the Resentment ofthe Husbands, who seldom put up with an Affront of this kind, thoughperhaps only imaginary, without exacting a severe Satisfaction. For theCommon People there are Jugglers, Rope-dancers, Fortune-tellers, andother Buffoons, who have stages in the Square of St. Mark, where, at alltimes during the Carnival, 'tis almost impossible to pass along, owingto the crowd of Masqueraders. Bull Baitings, Races of Gondoles, andother Amusements, too tedious to enumerate, also take place. But amongthe several Shows which attract the eyes of the Populace, I cannotforbear describing one which is remarkable for its oddity, and perhapspeculiar to the Venetians. A number of Men, by the help of Poles laidacross each other's Shoulders, build themselves up almost as children doCards--four or five Rows of 'em standing one above the other, andlessening as they advance in height, till at last a little Boy formsthe Top, or Point, of the Structure. After they have stood in thismanner, to be gazed at, some time, the Boy leaps down into the arms ofpeople appointed to catch him at the Bottom; the rest follow hisexample, and so the whole Pile falls to Pieces. 

The Nobility of Venice are remarkable for their Persons as well as fortheir Polite Behaviour, and have a great deal of Gravity and Wisdom intheir Countenances. They wear a light Cap with a kind of black Fringe, and a long black Gown of Paduan Cloth, as their Laws require; though theEnglish have found means to introduce their Manufactures among 'em. Underneath these Gowns they have suits of Silk; and are extremely neatas to their Shoes and Stockings. Their Perukes are long, full-bottomed, and very well Powdered; and they usually carry their Caps in theirHands. The Women very well shaped, though they endeavour to improvetheir Complexions with Washes and Paint. These of Quality wear suchhigh-heeled Shoes, that they can scarce walk without having two peopleto support them. In matters of Religion (though their worship is aspompous as Gold and Jewels can make it) the Venetians are very Easy andUnconcerned; and neither Pope nor Inquisition is thought much of in theDominions of the Seignory. For Music in their Churches they have aperfect Passion. The City is well furnished with Necessaries; but thewant of Cellarage makes all the Wine sour. The Inhabitants are of aFresh Complexion, and not much troubled with Coughs; which is strange, they having so much Water about 'em. They begin their day at Sunset, andcount one o'clock an hour after, and so on to twenty-four; which islikewise a Custom, I believe, among the Chineses. 

They bury their Dead within the Four-and-Twenty Hours, and sometimessooner. The Funerals of Persons of Quality are performed with great Pompand Solemnity; and the deceased are carried to the Place of Intermentwith their Faces bare. Whilst I was in Venice, their Patriarch (who is akind of Independent Pontiff in his own way; for, as I have said, theyreckon but little of his Holiness here) died, and was buried with thisCeremony. He was carried in one of his own Coaches, by night, to St. Mark's Church, which was all hung with Black for the occasion; and nextday the Corpse was laid on a Bed in the very middle of the Church, dressed in the Sacerdotal Habit, with the Head towards the Choir, andhis Tiara, or Mitre, lying at the feet. At each corner of the bed stooda _valet de chambre_, holding a Banner of Black Taffety, with the Armsof the Deceased. A hundred large Wax Tapers were placed in Candlesticksround the bed, and High Mass was sung; the Sopranos very beautiful. After Mass was over, all retired; but the Body lay exposed till evening, when it was stripped of its Vestments (for though a very Gorgeouspeople, they are Economical in their ways), and put into a LeadenCoffin, enclosed in another of Cypress, and was then let down into theGrave. 'Tis not usual with the Relations to attend the Funeral, whichthey look upon as a Barbarous Custom. But they wear Mourning longer andmore regularly than in many other countries. A woman in a Mourning Habitappears Black from Head to Foot, not the least Bit of Linen being to beseen. 

The nature of my Employment now brought me into intimate Commerce withMonsieur B----, a French Merchant of Lyons, who treated me withextraordinary Civility, and made great Offers of being of Assistance tome in my Voyage to Constantinople, whither I was now Bound. ThisGentleman, by means of the French Ambassador at the Porte, had gotten aFirman, or passport, to enable him to Travel to that City, and with aproper number of Attendants, through any part of the Turkish Dominions. As 'tis inconvenient and dangerous Voyaging though the territories ofthe Great Turk without such a Protection, nothing could be moreAgreeable than the offer he made me of his Company, the more so as hisEminence had enjoined me to keep a Strict Watch upon every thing that M. B---- said or did. He had designed to reach Constantinople by Landthrough Bosnia, Servia, Bulgaria, and Roumania; yet, in compliance withmy Inclination (I wish my Inclination had been at the Deuce), which wasall for a Sea Passage, he consented to embark on board a Vessel bound toCandia and other Islands of the Archipelago, from which we were toprocure a Passage to the Capital of the Ottoman Empire. What made thisGentleman's Society more acceptable, was his thorough Knowledge of theTrade of the Levant, and the Genius and Temper of the People. Thus, heinformed me of the Method of Dealing with Jews, Armenians, and Greeks;of the Eastern manner of travelling in Caravans, and the necessaryprecautions against such Accidents as are mostly fatal to Strangers; andinstructed me in the Art of concealing Things of Value, --although Ithink I too could have given him a lesson in that Device, --and avoidingthose Snares which Governors, Military Officers, and Petty Princes makeuse of in order to plunder Travellers and Merchants. Under thesefavourable Auspices, we embarked, in the Autumn of '37, on board aTrading Vessel called the _San Marco_, bound for Candia, but first forMalta, so famous for its Order of Knights. A fine Gale at North-Westcarried us pleasantly down the Gulf of Venice, or Adriatic Sea; and onthe fifth day we came in sight of Otranto, a Town destroyed by the Turksnigh Three Hundred years ago, since which time it has hardly regainedits Ancient Lustre, but at present well Fortified, and defended by aHigh Castle, which I have heard the Honourable Mr. Walpole, a Fine, Lardy-Dardy, Maccaroni Gentleman, that lives at a place calledStrawberry Hill, by Twitnam, in England, has written a silly RomanticTale about. So we got clear of the Gulf of Venice, and in three daysmore, after making Cape Passaro in Sicily, entered the Haven of Malta. 

This is an Island that lies between Sicily and the Coast of Africa, andis of an Egg-shaped figure, about twenty miles long and twelve broad. The City of Malta is divided into three parts, which are properly somany Rocks jutting out into the Sea, with large Harbours between them. That called Valetta, in honour of the Grand Master who so gallantlydefended the place against the Turks, is extremely well Fortified, andalso defended by a Castle, held to be impregnable. The City containsabout Two Thousand Houses, well built with white Stone, and Flat-roofed, surrounded by Rails and Balusters. On t'other side of the Harbour isanother City, formerly called Il Borgo, or the Borough, but now namedCittà Vittoriosa, alluding to the terrible Mauling the Turks got here in1566. St. John's Church very handsome, and on one side of it a finePiazza, with a Fountain in the corner. Here are all the Tombs of theGrand Masters, and a great many Flags taken from the Turks. The RightHand of St. John Baptist, wanting but Two Fingers, shown here for Money, with many other Relics and Ornaments. The Grand Master lives in amagnificent Palace; and close by is an Arsenal, with Arms for ThirtyThousand Men. 

The Treasury is a very stately Edifice; but what gives the highest Ideaof the Charity of this illustrious Order is their noble Hospital, whereall the Sick are received and provided for with the utmost Care. TheRooms are large and commodious, and in each of them there are but twoPatients. Their Diet is brought to them in rich Silver Plate by theKnights themselves, who are obliged to this attendance by theirConstitutions; and such an exact Decorum is observed, and every thingperformed with such Magnificence, that it raises the astonishment ofStrangers. 

But if there be Charity and Benevolence for the Christian Sick, there islittle Mercy shown towards Infidels and Miscreants. The Prison for theSlaves is an enormous Building, with a Colonnade running round it, andcapable of lodging three or four Thousand of those Unhappy People. Thereare seldom less than Two Thousand in the House, except when the Galleysof the Order are at Sea upon some Expedition. Then the poor Wretches areChained, Night and Day, to the Oar; but when on Shore they have only asmall Lock on their Ankles, like the slaves at Leghorn, and arepermitted to go to any part of the Island, from which they have seldoman opportunity of making their Escape. 

The Knights of the Order of St. John of Jerusalem, commonly calledKnights of Malta, after removing from Jerusalem to Magrath, from thenceto Acre, and thence to Rhodes, were expelled from that Island by theSultan Solyman, having an Army of Three Hundred Thousand Men. TheKnights retired, first to Candia, and then to Sicily; but at last theEmperor Charles the Fifth gave 'em the Island of Malta, which they holdto this day. They formerly consisted of Eight Languages or Tongues, according to their Different Nations, viz. Those of Provence, Auvergne, France, Italy, Arragon, Germany, Castile, and England; but this last onehas been extinct since our Harry the Eighth's time, and what EnglishKnights there be who are Papists are forced to find their Tongue wherethey can. Each of the Languages has its Chiefs, who are also calledPillars and Grand Crosses, being distinguished by a large White Cross'broidered on their Breasts. The Seven Languages have their respectiveColleges and Halls in Malta, the Head of each House being called theGrand Prior of his Nation; and to each belongs a certain number of hisCommanderies. The Knights, at their entrance into the Order, must provetheir Legitimacy, as well as Nobility, by four Descents, and are termedChevaliers by Right. Those who are raised to the rank of Nobles, forsome Valiant Exploit, are called Chevaliers by Favour. None are admittedby the Statutes of the Order under the age of Sixteen; but some arereceived from their very Infancy on paying a large Sum of Money, or byDispensation from the Pope. All the Knights oblige themselves toCelibacy, which does not hinder their leading very Disorderly Lives; andindeed Malta is full of Loose Cattle of all kinds. When they areProfessed, a Carpet is spread on the Ground, on which is set a Piece ofBread, a Cup of Water, and a Naked Blade; and they are told, "This iswhat Religion gives you. You must procure yourself the rest with yourSword. " The which they do, to a pretty considerable Tune, by spoiling ofthe Turks. After they make their Vows, they wear a White Cross or Star, with Eight Points, over their Cloaks or Coats, on the Left Side, whichis the proper Badge of their Order, the Golden Maltese Cross being onlyan Ornament. The ordinary Habit of the Grand Master is a kind ofCassock, open before, and tied about him with a Girdle, at which hangs aPurse, alluding to the Charitable ends of their Order;--but 'tis not tobe denied that they have grown very Proud, and Live, many of 'em, in asShameful Luxury as the Prince Bishops of Germany. Over his Cassock theGrand Master wears a Velvet Gown or Cloak when he goes to Church onSolemn Festivals. He is addressed under the Title of Eminence by all theKnights; but his Subjects of Malta, and the Neighbouring Islands, stylehim Your Highness. As Sovereign, he coins Money, pardons Criminals, andbestows the places of Grand Priors, Bailiffs, &c. ; but in most cases ofimportance is obliged to seek the advice of his Council, so that he isnot wholly Absolute. The Ecclesiastics proper of the Order--for the restare but Military Monks, that do a great deal more Fighting than Praying, and savour much more of the Camp than of the Convent--are Chaplains, Monastic Clerks, and Deacons. They likewise wear a White Cross, partakeof the Privileges of the Institution, and are great Rascals. 

'Tis well known that the Knights of Malta are destined to the Professionof Arms for the Defence of the Christian Faith, and the Protection ofPilgrims of all Nations. It is to be observed, that there are alsoFemale Hospitallers of the Order of St. John, sometimes calledChevalières, or She-Knights, of equal Antiquity with the Knights, whosebusiness it is to take care of the Women Pilgrims in a Hospital apartfrom that of the Men. As the Order look upon the Turks as the GreatEnemies of Christianity, they think themselves obliged to be in a stateof perpetual Hostility with that people, and, for Centuries, have neverso much as signed the preliminaries of a Peace with 'em. They haveperformed innumerable and astonishing exploits against their much-hatedEnemies, the Insolence of whose Rovers they continue to Restrain andChastise, except when the Rovers, as sometimes happens, get the betterof 'em. They have Seven Galleys belonging to the Order, each of whichcarries Five Hundred Men, and as many Wretches in Fetters tugging awayat the Oar, for Dear Life. Every one of these Galleys mounts SixteenPieces of Heavy Artillery; and besides these they fit out a great manyPrivate Ships, by license from the Grand Master, to cruise up and downamong the Turks, doing great Havoc, and thereby growing very Rich. Thusit will be plain to the Reader that a Knight of Malta is a kind ofMedley of Seaman, Swashbuckler, and Saint--Admiral Benbow, Field-MarshalWade, and Friar Tuck all rolled up into one. 

I did become acquainted with one of these Holy Roystering Cavalieros, by the name of Don Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, that was aperfect Model of all these Characteristics. He Confessed with almost asgreat regularity as he Sinned. The Chaplains must have held him as oneof the heartiest of Penitents; for he never came back from a Cruisewithout a whole Sackful of Misdeeds, and straightway hied him to St. John's Church, to fling his Sinful Ballast overboard and lighten ship. How he swore! I never heard a man take the entrails of Alexander theGreat in vain before; but this was an ordinary expletive with DonErcolo. He belonged to the Italian Language, though I suspected he had adash of the Spanish in him; and many a Gay Bout over the choicest ofWines have I had with him at his Inn, as their College-halls aresometimes called. He could drink like a Fish, and fight like a Paladin. He was a good Practical Sailor and Master of Navigation; Rode with easeand dexterity; and was a Proficient in that most difficult trick of the_Manège_, that of riding a horse _en Biais_, as the French term it, andof which our Newcastle has learnedly treated; was an admirable Performeron the Guitar and Viol di Gamba; Sung very sweetly; Fenced exquisitely;must have been in his Youth (he was now about Sixty, and his Hair wasgrizzled grey) as Beautiful as a Woman, as Graceful as my SweetProtectress Lilias, as Brave as the Cid, and as Cruel as Pedro of Spain. As it is so long ago, and the Principal Parties in the Affair are allDead, I don't mind disclosing that my Instructions from his Eminence theCardinal were to Buy the Cavaliere di San Lorenzo at any Price. I toldhim so plainly over a Flask of Right Alicant, at a little Feast I hadmade for him in return for his many Hospitalities, and gave him tounderstand that he had but to say the word, and Scroppa, the greatGoldsmith of Strada Reale, would be glad to cash his Draft for any Sumunder Fifty Thousand Ducats. For his Eminence wanted the Cavaliere to bea Friend of France, and France at that time thought that she very muchwanted the Island of Malta. 

Don Ercolo was not in the least angry; only, he Laughed in my Face. 

"Chevalier Escarbotin, " he said gaily, "you have mistaken your man. Tellhis Eminence the Cardinal de ---- that he may go and hang himself. I amnot to be bought. I am Rich to Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand ounces ofGold, all got out of spoiling the Infidels. When I die, I shall leavehalf to the Order, and half to the families of certain Poor WomenCreatures whom I have wronged, and who are Dead. "

I said, to appease him, that I was but Joking. 

"Ta, ta, ta!" retorts he. "I know your Trade well enough. I have beentoo much among men not to be able to scent out a Spy. But you are a veryJovial Fellow, Escarbotin; and I don't care what you are, so long as youare not a Turk, which, by the way, I don't think you would mindturning. "

"O, Signore Cavaliere!"--I began to expostulate. 

"What does it matter?" quoth Don Ercolo. "Does it matter anything atall? Perhaps some of these days, when I am tired of the Eight Points, Ishall take the Turban myself. "

"A Renegado!" I cried. 

"Many a brave Gentleman has turned Renegado ere this, " answered he. "Next to the pleasure of Fighting the Turks, I should esteem thecondition of being a Turk myself, and fighting against the Order ofMalta. But I forgot. You are a Lutheran; although how you came to be aProtestant, with that name of Escarbotin, I can't make out. "

I murmured something about belonging to the Reformed Church at Geneva;although I forgot that they were mostly Calvinists there, not Lutherans. But of this Don Ercolo took little notice, and went on. 

"When you write to the Cardinal, tell him that Ercolo Amadeo Sparafuciledi San Lorenzo is not to be purchased. The sly old Fox! He knows I havegreat influence with my Uncle the Grand Master. Tell him that I am verymuch obliged to him for his Offer, and thank him for old Acquaintance'sake. Nay; I believe I am some kind of Kinsman of his Eminence, on theMother's side. But assure him that I am not in the least Angry with him. If I were Poor, I should probably accept his Offer; but none of the PoorKnights of our Order are worth Buying. It matters little to me whetherFrance, or Spain, or even Heretic England gets hold of this scorchingRock, with its Swarms of Hussies and Rascals; only I prefer amusingmyself, and fighting the Turks, to meddling in Politics, and running therisk of a life-long dungeon in the Castle of St. Elmo. "

There was a long Silence after this, and he seemed plunged in profoundMeditation. Suddenly he fills a Cup with Wine, drains it, and, in hisold careless manner, says to me, "Tell him this--be sure to tell him, lest he should be at the trouble ofsending Emissaries to Poison me--I have the best Antidote of any in theLevant, and shall take three drops of it after every Bite and Sup forSix Months to come. Not that I dread you. All Spy as you are, you stilllook like an Honest Fellow. _You_ would not poison an old Friend, wouldyou, Little JACK DANGEROUS?"

I started to my feet, and stared at the grizzled, handsome Knight inblank amazement. We had been conversing in the French tongue; but thelatter part of his Speech he had uttered in mine own English, and with afaultless accent. Moreover, where before had I heard that Voice, had Iseen that Face? My Memory rolled back over the hills and valleys ofyears; but the Mountains were too high, and the Recesses behind theminaccessible without Mental Climbing, for which I was not prepared. 

"Little Jack Dangerous, " continued the grizzled Knight, "where have youbeen these Seven-and-thirty Years? When I knew you first, you were but apoor little Runaway Schoolboy, and I was a Tearing Fellow in the Flushand Pride of my hot Youth. "

"A Runaway Schoolboy!" I stammered. 

"Ay! had you not fled from the Tyranny of one Gnawbit?"

"I remember Gnawbit well, " I answered, with a shudder. 

"Do you remember Charlwood Chase, and the Blacks that were wont to killVenison there?"

"I do. "

"And Mother Drum, and Cicely, and Jowler, and the Night Attack, and hownear you were being hanged? Do you remember Captain Night?"

A Light broke in upon me. I recognised my earliest Protector. I seizedhis Hand. I was fairly blubbering, and would have rushed into his Arms;but there was something Cold and Haughty in his Manner that repulsed me. 

"'Tis well, " he said. "I am a Knight of the most Illustrious Order ofSt. John of Jerusalem, and an Italian Cavalier of Degree. You----"

"I am a Spy, " I cried out half-sobbing. "What was I to do? My MalignantFate hath ever been against me. I am despicable in your Eyes, but notso despicable as I am in mine own. "

"There, there, " he cries out, very placably. "There's no great harmdone, and there's much of a muchness between us. When you first cameacross me, was I not stealing the King's Deer in Charlwood Chase, besides being in trouble--I don't mind owning to you now--on account ofKing James? 'Twixt you, Jack Dangerous, Flibustier, Saltabadil, and Spy, and Captain Night, now called Don Ercolo et cetera, et cetera di SanLorenzo, and a Knight of Malta, there is not much, perhaps, to choose. The World hath its strange Ups and Downs, and we must e'en make the bestof them. Sit you down, Jack Dangerous, and we will have t'other Flask. "

We had t'other Flask, and very good Wine it was; and for the rest of thetime I remained in Malta, Don Ercolo continued to be my Fast Friend, even as he had been in my Youth. And yet 'twas mainly through hisInstrumentality that I quitted the Island; for he sent his Page to mewith a Letter, written in our own dear English Tongue, in the which heinstantly desired me, as I valued my Life and the Interests of myEmployers, to put the Broad Seas between myself and the Grand Master;for that an Inkling of my Errand had got wind, and that the Partyunfavourable to France being then uppermost, I ran immediate risk ofbeing cast into a Dungeon, if not Hanged. For this Reason, said DonErcolo, he must forbear any further Commerce with me (not wishing todraw Suspicion on himself, for the Knights are very jealous in PoliticalAffairs); but he assured me of his continued Friendship, and desired ifI stood in Need of any Funds for my Journey, to inform the Page, that hemight furnish me secretly with what Gold I needed. But I wanted nothingin this way, having ample Credits; so making up my Valises with allconvenient Speed, the Chevalier Escarbotin bade adieu to Malta. 

I took a passage in a Speronare that was bound to Candia, where I hopedto find some Trading Vessel of heavier Burden to take me toConstantinople. The Mediterranean Sea here very beautiful, anddelightful to see the Dolphins, Tunnies, and other Fish, that frequentlyleapt out of the Water, and followed our Ship in great Numbers. Also aWaterspout, which is a Phenomenon very well known to Seamen in theLevant Trade, and reckoned very dangerous. It looked mighty Fierce andTerrific; and our Sailors, to conjure it away, had recourse to theSuperstitious Devices of cutting the air with a Black-Handled Knife, andreading the First Chapter of St. John's Gospel, accounted of greatEfficacy in dispersing these Spouts. 

Woe is me! After Six Days' most pleasant Sailing, and after doublingCape Spada, and in very sight of Canea (which is the Port of Candia), astrange Sail hove in Sight, gave Chase, came up to us an hour beforesundown, and without as much as, By your leave, or With your leave, opened Fire upon us. A Couple of Swingeers from her Double-shotted Gunswere a Bellyful for our poor little Speronare, in which there were butTen Men and a Boy, Passengers included; and we were fain to submit. Oh, the intolerable Shame and Disgrace! that Jack Dangerous, who had beenAll Round the World with that Renowned Commander, Captain Blokes, andhad Chased, Taken, and Plundered many a good tall ship belonging to theSpaniards, --ay, and had landed on their Main, Spoiled their Cities andSettlements, Toasted their fine Ladies, and held their Chief Governorsto Ransom, --should be laid in the Bilboes by a Rascally African PirateVessel mounting Nine Guns, and belonging to the most Heathenish, Knavish, and Bloodthirsty Town of Algiers. My Gall works now to think ofit; but Force was against us, and the Disaster was not to be helped. Iwas in such a Mad Rage as to be near Braining the Captain of theSperonare with a Marline-Spike, and would have assuredly blown out theBrains of the first Moor that boarded us, had not the Italian Captainand his Mate seized each one of my arms, and by Main Force wrested myWeapons from me. And in this (though hotly enraged with 'em at first, and calling them all kinds of Abusive Epithets) I think they acted lesslike Traitors than like Persons of Sense and Discretion; for what werewe Ten (and the Boy) against full Fifty powerful Devils, all armed tothe Teeth, and who would assuredly have cut all our Throats had we shownthe least Resistance?

So they had their Will of us, and we were all made Prisoners, preparatory to undergoing the worse Fate of Slaves. Vain now, indeed, were all his Eminence's Secret Precautions about the Concealment ofMissives; for these Rascal Moors made no more ado, but stripped us ofevery Rag of Clothing, ripping up the Seams thereof, and examining ourvery Hair, in quest of Gold and Jewels. The Boatswain, however, that wasappointed to search me, after taking from me all my Stock of Money, which was Considerable, returned to me the famous Bit of Parchmentbetween the Glasses, which was to bear me Harmless against the Claws ofHoly Mother Church if she happened to turn Tiger-Cat; for theseMahometans have a profound respect for Charms and Amulets, and verylike he took this for one, which could be no good to him, an Infidel, but might serve a Frank at a pinch. There was another Article, too, which he restored to me, after Examination, and of which I have hithertomade no mention. What was this but a little Portrait of my BelovedProtectress, which I carried with me next my Heart? Not that I had everventured to be so bold as to Ask her for such a pledge, or that she hadbeen complaisant enough to give it me; but while I was in Paris therehad been limned by the great French Painter, Monsieur Boucher, a Pictureof one of the Opera Ballets, not Orpheus's Story, but something out ofHomer's Poetry, --_Ulysse chez Alcinous_, I think 'twas called, --and thisPicture contained very Life-like Effigies of all the Dancers that stoodin the front rank, of whom my sweet Mistress Lilias was one. From thisan Engraving in the Line Manner was made, which was put forth by thePrint-sellers just before I left Paris; and I declare I gave a Louisd'Or, and Ten Livres, Twelve Sols, for a Copy, and cutting out thePictured Head of my Protectress with a sharp Penknife, had it pasteddown and framed in a Golden Locket. When the Boatswain saw this, heGrinned, till the Turban round his tawny Head might have been taken fora Horse-collar. He wrenched the Portrait out of its Frame, and put theGold among the heap of Plunder that was gathered, for after division, onthe Deck, and was then about to throw the dear Bit of Paper into theSea, --for these Moors think it Sinful to portray the Human Countenancein any way, --but I besought him so Earnestly, both by Signs andsupplicatory Gestures, and even, I believe, Tears, to restore it to me, that he desisted; and putting his Finger to his Lips, as a Hint that Iwas not to reveal his Clemency to his Commander, gave me back myprecious Portrait. He would have, however, the fine Chain I wore roundmy Neck; so I was fain to make an Opening between the two Sheets ofGlass that covered my Amulet, and push in the Portrait, face downwards;and the two together I hung to a bit of slender Lanyard. But all mybrave Clothes were taken from me, and in an Hour after my Capture I wasBare-footed, and with no other Apparel than a Ragged Shirt and a Pair ofDrawers of Canvas. To this Accoutrement was speedily added aboutTwenty-one Pounds of Fetters on the Wrists and Ankles; and then I, andthe Captain, and the Mate, and the Men, and the Boy, were put into aBoat and taken on board the Algerine, where we were flung into the Hold, and had nothing better to eat for many days than Mouldy Biscuit andBilge-Water. The Cargo of the Speronare was mostly Crockery-ware andHousehold Stuff, for the use of the Candiotes; and the Moors would notbe at the trouble of Removing, so they Scuttled her, and bore away tothe Norrard. 

_Item. _--I swallowed my Despatches; but the Moors got hold of my Lettersof Credit and my Cipher. 

CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. 

AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS BECOMES BESTUSCHIDBASHAW. 

SO we were all taken into Algiers. 'Tis called "The Warlike" by thatproud People, the Turks; but with much more Reason, I think, should itbe named "The Thievish. " Out upon the Robbers' Den! This most abominablePlace, which has, during so many Ages, braved the Resentment of the mostpowerful Princes of Christendom, is said to contain above 100, 000Mahometans, --among them not above Thirty Renegadoes, --15, 000 Jews, and4000 Christian Slaves. 'Tis full of Mosques and other Heathenish placesof Worship, and is strongly Fortified, both towards the Sea and theLand. The Ship that took us was a Brigantine; and they have nigh aHundred of 'em (besides Rowboats), mounting from Ten to Fifty Guns, withwhich they ravage the Trade of Europe. There is little within the Citythat is Curious, save the Dogs, which are very abundant, and very Fierceand Nasty. The Street Bab-Azoun is full of Shops, and Jews dealing inGems and Goldsmiths' Work. The Hills and Valleys round the City areevery where beautified with Gardens and Country Seats, whither theWealthy Turks retire during the Heats of Summer. Some of the WildBedoween Tribes up the country go Bare-headed, binding their Templesonly with a Fillet to prevent their hair growing troublesome. But theMoors and Turks in Algiers wear on the Crowns of their Heads a small Capof Scarlet Woollen Cloth, that is made at Fez. The Turban is foldedround the bottom of these Caps, and by the fashion of the folds you cantell the Soldiers from the Citizens. The Arabs wear a loose Garmentcalled a Hyke, which serves them as a complete Dress by Day, and a Bedand Coverlet by Night. 'Tis observable that when the Moorish Womenappear in Public, they constantly fold themselves so close up in theirHykes that very little of their Faces can be seen; but in the SummerMonths, when they retire to their Country Seats, they walk about withless Caution and Reserve, and, at the approach of a Stranger, only letfall their Veils. 

What became of the Master and Crew of the Speronare I know not. Theywere but Weakly Creatures; and I conjecture were sold off into privateHands and sent up the country. Now, although I was past the Middle Age, and indeed drifting into years, I was still of Unbowed Stature and greatStrength, and a Personable Fellow, hardened in the furnace of Danger andAdventure. This led to my being reserved from the public Slave-Marketfor the Dey of Algiers' own use. Woe is me, again! The Distinctionprofited me little, for it merely amounted to my being made Stroke-oarof the third row of the Dey's State-barge, or Galleasse. Imagine me now, in a Tunic and Drawers of Scarlet Serge, and a White Turban round myHead to keep me from Sun-stroke, chained by the Ankles to a bench, andwith an Iron Collar round my Neck, from which another Chain passed to aBar running fore and aft the whole length of the Galleasse. Between thebenches of Rowers runs a narrow Planking; and up and down thiscontinually patrols a great Tawny Ruffian of a Moorish Boatswain, armedwith a Whip of Rhinoceros Hide, which, with a Will, he lays on to theShoulders of those who do not tug hard enough at the Oar. Miserable andfallen as was my state, I did yet manage to evade the crowningDegradation of Stripes; for, being a Man used to the Sea, and full ofCourageous Activity, I got through my toil so as to make it impossiblefor my Superiors to find fault with me; and besides, in a few words ofLingua Franca that I picked up, I gave the Boatswain to understand thatif he ever hit me with his Rhinoceros Thong, I should take the earliestopportunity of Strangling him. As for our Food, 'twas mainly Beans, andin the morning a Mess of boiled Maize they call Couscoussou, with somevillanous Rank Butter, melted, poured over it. And sometimes the Carcassof a Sheep that had died of Disease was given to us. But whatever we hadwas eaten on our benches, and the Cook of the Galleasse passed up anddown the planking to serve out the Rations. We Ate on our benches, weSlept on our benches, and some of us died on our benches. There wereNinety-two Christian Slaves on board the Dey's Galleasse, and Twelve onmy Bench. Being Stroke-oar, I was spared the continual contemplation ofa Man's back in front of me, which other Slaves have told me makes youso mad that you want to Bite him; but 'twas scarcely less Vexatious tohave behind, as I had, a Chattering Fellow of a Frenchman, for everjabbering forth his complaints, and not bearing them with the surlyDignity of a Briton. I could almost _hear_ this fellow grimace; and hewas never tired of bemoaning his bygone happy state as a Hairdresser'sJourneyman in the Rue St. Honoré at Paris. "Why did a Vain Ambitionprompt me to journey from Marseilles to Constantinople?" cried he aboutFifty times a day. "Why did I rely on the protection of my Wife'sCousin, who gave me recommendations to his brother, Cook-in-Chief to theAmbassador of France at the court of the Antique Byzantium (_l'antiqueByzance_)? Where is my Wife? Where is my Wife's Cousin? They aredrinking the wine of Ramponneau; they are dancing at the Barriers. Oh, my Cocotte! where is my Cocotte?"

"Hang your Cocotte!" I used to cry out in a rage. "'Tis bad enough to bemewed up here like a Bear in a pit, without being worried by acounfounded Barber's Clerk!"

I had been Tugging at the Oar full Six Months, when a change came overmy lamentable Lot. The Dey of Algiers was at this time one MahometBassa, a very Bold, Fierce, Fighting Man, but of the meanest Extraction, and one, indeed, that had been no more than a common Soldier, from whichhe had sprung to be, by turns, Oda-Bashee or Lieutenant, Bullock-Basheeor Captain, Tiah-Bashee or Colonel, and Aga or General. For among thesestrange people every valiant and aspiring Soldier, --I wish 'twas so inEngland, --though taken yesterday from the Plough, may be considered asHeir-Apparent to the Throne. Nor are they ashamed of the obscurity oftheir birth. This Mahomet Bassa, in a dispute he once had with theSpanish Consul, said: "My mother sold Sheep's Trotters, and my fatherNeat's Tongues; but they would have been ashamed to expose for sale ontheir stalls a Tongue so worthless as thine. " Mahomet Bassa was, likemost of the Turks, a man of Pleasure, and his Harem was furnished withan extraordinary number of choice Beauties. 

His Highness (as he is called), happening to single me out from the restof the Slaves on board of the Galleasse, and being told that I wasEnglish--for equally in hopes of Bettering my Condition, and for thepurpose of keeping Secret my Employment with his Eminence, I had avowedmyself to be of that Nation--ordered me to be released from my Chains, and brought before him at the Divan. Through his Interpreter, a cunningRogue from Corfu, who spoke most Languages indifferently well, he askedme who I was, and how I came to be aboard the Speronare. I answered, conveniently mixing fact with fiction, that I had been a Captain by Seaand Land in the Service of the King of England; that I had earned a gooddeal of Prize-Money; had retired from Active Duties, being now nigh uponFifty years of Age, and was taking my pleasure by voyaging in a part ofEurope with which I had hitherto been little acquainted. This Answerseemed to satisfy him pretty well; although he was very curious to knowwhether I had any Kindred in the Island of Malta, or any foregatheringamong the Knights. Fortunately for me the Interpreter, to whom I hadgiven a hint of ultimate Reward, deposed that I could not speak twentywords of Maltese (which is a kind of Bastard Italian); and he told methat if it had been discovered that I was in any way Connected with theOrder, I should surely have been Impaled; the Dey being then in atowering rage with the Knights, one of whose commanders had justcaptured one of his finest Brigantines, and Dressed Ship, as hehumorously put it, by hanging every Man-Jack of the Crew at theYard-arm, and the Algerine Captain at the Mizen. The Dey then asked meif I had any Friends who I thought would pay my Ransom, the which heplaced at the Moderate Computation of Four Thousand Gold Achmedies(about Fifteen Hundred Pounds sterling). I answered, that I thought Icould raise about half that Sum, if I were allowed to communicate withone Monsieur Foscue, a Banker at Marseilles, upon whom I had--or rathermy Captors had--a Letter of Credit, which they had taken from me. But byIll-luck this Letter of Credit could not be found. The Captain and Crewof the Rover that took the Speronare were all well bastinadoed about it, but no Letter was forthcoming; and I am more inclined to think that itwas thrown, in sheer Ignorance, overboard, than that it was Embezzled. However, as 'twas not to be discovered, the Dey began to look upon meas an Impostor; but I earnestly represented to the Interpreter that, ifI had time to write to Monsieur Foscue, all would be right. This I hadhis Highness's gracious permission to do, and meanwhile was to remain aSlave; but was not sent back to the Galleys. Being a Strong Fellow, andprofessing to know something about Gardening--Lord help me! I had nevertouched a Spade ten times in my Life--I was sent to work in hisHighness's Gardens at the Castle of Sitteet-ako-Leet. As for my Letter, I penned it in as good French as I could muster, begging Monsieur Foscueto communicate at once with his Eminence, telling him how I had beencaptured, and that my Letter of Credit had been taken from me, and ofthe Sorry Plight I was now in. I was given to understand that from Sixto Nine Months must pass by before I could expect an Answer; for thatSafe Conducts to Christian Packets between Algiers and Marseilles wereonly granted thrice a year, and the last was but just departed. Whereupon I resigned myself to my Captivity, hoping for Better Days. 

The Head Gardener of the Dey was an old Renegado German, named Baupwitz, who tried hard to convert me to the Mussulman Faith. But in addition tomy stanch Attachment to the Protestant Religion, I could see that theState and Condition of the few Renegados in Algiers was very mean andmiserable, and that they were despised alike by Turks, Moors, Arabs, Bedoweens, and Jews. And, indeed, what good had Baupwitz done himself byturning Paynim? Thus much I put to him plainly; at which the Old Man wasangered, and for some days used me very spitefully; when the Dey, comingto the Castle, took it into his head to have me brought back to Algiers, and enrolled among his Musicians as a Player upon the Cymbals. I declarethat although able to troll out a Stave now and then, I could not somuch as Whistle "God save the King;" but I managed to clash my twoSaucepan-Lids or Cymbals together and to make a Noise, which is all theTurks care for, they having no proper Ear for Music. As one of hisHighness's Musicians, I was dressed very grandly, with a monstrousTurban all covered with Gold Spangles and Silk Tassels; but I had aCollar of Silver riveted round my Neck, and Silver Shackles round myAncles, and Silver Manacles round my Wrists; and was still a Slave. 

The rest of the Musicians were either Black Negroes or CophticChristians, and they used me with Decent Civility; nor did the Master ofthe Musicians--otherwise a most cruel Moor--go out of his way to flout, much less smite me with his Rattan. If he had dared but to lay oneStripe upon me, I would have sprang upon the Wretch and dashed out hisBrains with my Cymbals, even if I had been put upon the Pale for it halfan hour afterwards. 

Lodged in the Guard-house at the Dey's Palace, with pretty abundantRations, and some few Piastres daily to buy Wine (I being a Frank) andTobacco, and pretty well treated by the Colologlies, or MoorishSoldiers, I did not pass such a very bad time of it; and when off Duty, had liberty to go about the City and Suburbs pretty much as I chose. AndI was a hundred times better off than the Moslem Slaves are at Malta. 

These Algerines are an Uncouth, Savage People; and the Turkish Despotismhas quite destroyed that security and Liberty which of old gave birthand encouragement to Learning: hence the knowledge of Medicine, Philosophy, and the Mathematics, which once so flourished among theArabs, is now almost entirely lost. The Children of the Moors and Turksare sent to School at about Six years old, where they are taught to Readand Write for the value of about a Penny a week of our Money. Instead ofPaper or a Slate, each boy has a piece of thin square Board, slightlydaubed over with Whiting; on this he makes his Letters, which may bewiped off or renewed at pleasure. Having made some progress in theKoran, he is initiated into the Ceremonies and Mysteries of theMahometan Religion; and when he has distinguished himself in any ofthese branches of Learning, he is Richly Dressed, mounted on a Horsefinely Caparisoned, and paraded, amidst the Huzzas of hisSchool-fellows, through the Streets; while his Friends and Relationsassemble to congratulate his Parents, and load him with Toys andSweetmeats. And this Observance answers to our Western Rite ofConfirmation. But after being three or four years at School, the Boysare put 'Prentice to Trades or enrolled in the Army, where they veryspeedily forget all they have learnt. 

Though such bold Sailors, the Algerines are very despicable asNavigators. Their chief Astronomer, Muley Hamet Ben Daoud, when I wasthere, who superintended and regulated the Hours of Prayer by the Moonand Stars, had not the skill to make a Sundial; and in Navigation theycannot get beyond Pricking of a Chart, and distinguishing the Eightprincipal Points of the Compass. Even Chemistry, which was once thefavourite Science of these people, is at present only applied to theDistilling of a little Rose-water. The Physicians chiefly study theSpanish Translation of Dioscorides (that was a Learned Leech in OldenTimes); but the Figures of the Plants and Animals are more consultedthan the Descriptions: yet are these Knaves naturally Subtle andIngenious; wanting nothing but Application and Patronage to cultivateand improve their Faculties. They are for the most part Predestinarians, and pay little regard to Physic, either leaving the Disorder to contendwith Nature, or making use of Charms and Incantations. They, however, resort to the Hammam, or Hot Bagnio (a great Sweating-bath, and asovereign Remedy for most Distempers), and have a few Specifics ingeneral use. Thus, in Pleurisy and the Rheumatics they make severalPunctures on the part affected with a Red-hot Needle; and into simpleGun-shot Wounds they pour Fresh Butter almost boiling hot. The PricklyPear roasted in Ashes is applied to Bruises, Swellings, andInflammations; and a dram or two of the Round Birthwort is esteemed thebest remedy in the world for the Choler. But few Compound Medicines;only, for that dreadful scourge the Plague (from which Lord deliver allMen not being Heathens!), they commonly use a Mixture of Myrrh, Saffron, Aloes, and Syrup of Myrtle-berries, --which does not hinder 'em fromdying like Sheep with the Rot. 

There are no Public Clocks here; those contrivances, with Bells, beingheld an Impious Aping of Providence. And the only way you have oftelling the Time is by the Fellows up in the Minarets calling 'em toPrayers. Some of the rich Agas have Watches, bought or stolen out ofEurope; but they are usually spoilt by the Women of the Harem playingwith 'em. The Dey's principal Wife, Zoraïde Khanum, is said to haveboiled a large Gold Chronometer, made by Silvain of Paris, with Creamand Sweet Almonds. Yet does a remnant of their Ancestors' old skill inArithmetic and Algebra linger among 'em; for whereas not One in TwentyThousand can do an Equation (and Captain Blokes taught me, and I havesince forgotten How), yet the Merchants are frequently very dexterous inReckoning by Memory, and have also a singular method of Numeration, byputting their hands into each other's Sleeves, and touching one anotherwith this or that Finger, or a particular joint, each standing for adetermined Sum or Number. Thus, without ere moving their lips, --and yourMussulman has a wholesome horror of squandering Words, --they concludeBargains of the Greatest Value. 

None of the Women think themselves completely Adorned till they havetinged the Lashes and the edges of their Eyelids with the powder ofLead-Ore. This they do by dipping a Bodkin of the thickness of a Quillinto the Powder, and dragging it under the Eyelids. This gives theirEyes a Sooty colour, but is thought to add a Wonderful Grace to theirComplexions. And was not this that which Jezebel did in the AncientTime?[C] The Old Custom of plighting their Troth by drinking out ofeach other's Hand is the only Ceremony used by the Algerines at theirMarriages. The Bridegroom may put away his Wife whenever he pleases, upon the forfeiture of the Dowry he has settled upon her; but he cannotafterwards take her again until she has been Re-married and Divorcedfrom another Man. After all, the Wives are only held as a better classof Servants, that when their Toil is over become Toys. The greater partof the Moorish Women would be esteemed Beauties even in England, and asChildren they have the finest Complexions in the World; but at Thirtythey become Wrinkled Old Women. For a Girl is often a Mother at Eleven, and a Grandmother at Twenty-two; and their Lives being generally as longas Europeans, these Matrons often live to see Children of manyGenerations. They are desperately Superstitious, and hang the Figure ofan Open Hand round the Necks of their Children; and never an AlgerinePirate goes out of Port without such a Hand painted on the Stern, as acounter Charm to an Evil Eye. Truly there are some Christian Folks notmuch less foolish in their Superstitions; and Rich and Poor among theNeapolitans carry a forked bit of Coral about with them, to conjure awaythis same Evil Eye, which they call _Gettatura_. 

They have a kind of Monks called Marabutts, who are supposed to lead anAustere Life, and pass their lives in counting a Chaplet of Ninety-nineBeads; but who are, in truth, Impudent Beggars, Thieves, andProfligates. And this is pretty well the Character of the whole body ofAlgerines, from the Dey in his Palace to his Father who sells Sheep'sTrotters. There are a few Grave People, in no constant Employ (that itis to say, they have made their fortunes by Murder and Piracy, and arenow Retired), who spend the day, either in conversing with one anotherat the Barber's Shops, or at the Bazaars and Coffee-houses. But thegreater part of the Moorish and Turkish Youth are the wildest ofGallants and Roysterers, and waste their time in the most unseemlyFandangoes. 

_Item. _--These Marabutts are no better than the Mountebanks I have seenat the Carnival of Venice or at Southwark Fair. One Seedy Mustapha tellsme that a neighbouring Marabutt had a solid Iron Bar, which, uponcommand, would give the same Report and do as much Mischief as a Pieceof Cannon. At Seteef, too, there was one famous for Vomiting Fire; butthe Renegado Baupwitz, who had seen him, assured me 'twas all a trick;that his Mouth did certainly seem to be all in a Blaze, while hecounterfeited Violent Agony; but that on close inspection it appearedthat the Flames and Smoke with which he was surrounded arose from Towand Sulphur, which he had contrived to kindle under his Hyke. The mostcommendable thing I can find in the Algerine Character is the greatrespect they pay to their Dead. They don't cram 'em into stifling littleGraveyards in the midst of crowded towns, as we do, to our injury andshame; but have large Burial-grounds, at a good distance from theirtowns and villages. Each Family has a particular Part, walled in like agarden, where the Bones of their Ancestors have remained undisturbed formany generations. The Graves are all distinct and separate, and thespace between as planted with Beautiful Flowers, bordered round withStone, or paved over with Tiles. The Graves of the Great People arelikewise distinguished by Square Rooms with Cupolas built over them, which, being kept constantly clean, whitewashed, and beautified, nevertheless continue like the hypocrites, and are but Sepulchres fullwithin of nothing but Dead Men's Bones. 

It happened one fine Autumnal Afternoon, that, my Services asCymbal-Player not being required until the Dey's Supper after EveningPrayers, I was wandering for mere Amusement in some of theleast-frequented Streets of the City; which are here, for the sake ofShade, mere narrow Lanes, without any Pavement but Dust, and without aDoor or Window from twenty yards to twenty yards. In fact they are butPassages between almost dead walls; the Houses themselves generallystanding in the midst of the Gardens. Now I quitted the Street ofBaba-zoun by the Street of the Shroffs, or Money-changers, designing toreach the Gate of the River; but the Streets are all so much alike thatI lost my Way, and went blundering on from one Lane into another, till Ialmost despaired of finding my Road back again. I should be too late forthe Dey's Supper, thought I; and although Jack Dangerous was never givento Trembling, I began to feel very uncomfortable concerning the Noticethat Mahomet Bassa, who was never known to have Pity on any Human Being, Man, Woman, or Child, might take of my Absence. For these accursedAlgerines are most cruel in their Punishments. Trials are very swift, and Sentence is always executed within half an hour afterwards. SmallOffences are punished with the Bastinado, or the Rhinoceros Whip. ForClipping or Debasing the Public Coin the old Egyptian punishment ofcutting off the Hands is inflicted, although the Dey, in one of hisFuries, has been known to have the Base Money melted and poured down theCoiner's Throat. If a Jew or a Christian is guilty of Murder, he isBurnt alive without the gates of the City; but for the same Crime theMoors and Arabs are either Impaled, hung up by the Neck over theBattlements of the City, or thrown upon Hooks fixed upon the Walls, below, where they sometimes hang in Dreadful Torments for Thirty andForty hours together before they Expire. The Turks, however, out ofrespect for their Characters, are sent to the Aga's house, where theyare either Bastinadoed or Strangled; and when the Women offend, they arenot exposed to the populace, but are sent to a private House ofCorrection; or, if the Crime be Capital, they are sewn up in a Sack, carried out to Sea, and Drowned. And for especial Criminals is reservedthe Extraordinary Barbarous punishment of Sawing Asunder; for whichpurpose they prepare two Boards, of the same length and breadth as theUnfortunate Person, and, having tied him betwixt them, begin sawing atthe Head, and so proceed till he is divided into Halves. 'Tis said thatKardinash, a person who was not long since Ambassador at the Court ofEngland, suffered in this wise merely for maintaining, in the face ofthe Dey, that the King of Great Britain had only One Wife. 

All these Grim Probabilities did I revolve in my mind, as the Sun wenton sinking, and I could meet nothing but a few Rapscallion Boys that, when I strove to stammer out a few words of Arabic to ask my Way, laughed and jeered in their Impudent manner, and flung handfuls of Dustat me. Just as I was losing all Patience, and determined to Knock at thefirst door I came to, and make my state known at all hazards, there cameupon me at the corner of a street the Figure of a Woman, Muffled up, as'tis their fashion, in her Hyke and Burnouse, so that I could only seeher Eyes, which were smeared over with the usual Black Stuff, but whichseemed to have somewhat of a Yellowish Cast. I started, as if she were aGhost just risen from the ground; but indeed she had only just steppedout from a little Garden-door, that now stood Ajar. From the folds ofher White Burnouse now came out a plump Hand, very Glossy, but veryBlack. She first laid her Finger on that part of her Hyke where herMouth might be, to command me to silence; then touched me on the Arm;then pointed to a Latticed Window high up in the wall, to give me tounderstand that some one had been Watching me from there; and thenbeckoned me to Follow her. I was wofully perplexed, and, thought I, "TheDey will have no Cymbals to his Supper to-night, that's certain. " Still, it is never to be said that J. D. Ever shirked an adventure thatpromised aught of Love or Peril; and had it been into the jaws of aLion, I must have followed the Negro Emissary. After all, I reasoned, Iwas a proper-looking Fellow, although no longer in my First Youth, andmy hair beginning to whiten somewhat; but Love levels ranks, as my LordGrizzle has it in Tom Thumb; and I was, perhaps, not the first FrankSlave who was favoured by a beauteous Moorish Lady. A Moorish Beauty!Why, this might be, after all, a Princess, a Sultana, a Turkish Khanum!It turned out, however, far differently from what I had expected. Following the Slave, we quitted the street and passed through a Porch, or Gateway, which the Negress carefully locked after her. We now enteredupon a Court, with Benches on either side, and paved very handsomelywith Marble, covered in the middle with a rich Turkey Mat, and shelteredfrom the heat of the weather by a kind of Veil, expanded by Ropes fromone side of the Parapet-wall, or Lattice of the Flat Roof, to the other. So into a little Cloister running round this Court, and up a littlewinding stone Staircase into another Cloister or Upper Gallery. Then ata Door all covered with rich Filigree-work in Gold and Colours did theNegress knock; and by and by a soft silvery Voice, of which the sound, somehow, made me start and tremble much more than that of the OldKnight of Malta had done, said a few words in Arabic, and we went in. 

I found myself in a large square Apartment, with curious latticedWindows, through which the Evening Sunlight came, in the prettiest ofpatterns, and fell, like so many spangles disposed by an artfulEmbroiderer, upon the rich Carpet. A great Divan, or stuffed Bench ofCrimson Damask, ran all round the room, with many soft pillows andshawls upon it; and on this Divan, upon the side opposite the door, satan Eastern Lady, amazingly Dressed. She had laid aside her Hyke, whichwas of white silk gorgeously striped with gold and crimson Bars, and alldotted with Bullion Tassels, and sat in a tight-fitting jacket of RedVelvet, open in front, where you could see the Bosom of her Snowy Smockall blazing with Emeralds and Rubies. I had never seen so many of thelatter kind of Jewels since the days of my Grandmother, in her Cabinetof Relics. Round her Waist was swathed a great Cashmerian Shawl, veryrich and noble, and with a heavy Fringe; and from among the folds peepedout a little Poniard with a jewelled Hilt, and a knife with a Gold andMother-of-pearl Haft to cut her Victuals. She wore loose Trowsers, orDrawers, of a very fine spun silk, covered with a raised pattern in goldthread, that, as is the custom of the Moorish Women, were fastened atthe Knee, and then fell in quite a torrent of Drapery down to herAnkles, nearly covering her pretty Feet. A sweet Fashion, and veryModest. As to the Feet themselves, --the smallest, sure, that mortalwoman ever had, --I could, rapid as was my survey, see that she wore noHose; but her tiny Toes were thrust into Slippers or Papowshes of bluevelvet, all heightened and enriched with Gold Orris and Seed Pearls. Onher head was a dainty little cap, of the Fez Pattern, but of velvetinstead of cloth, jewelled; and from it hung a monstrous Tassel of Gold, which reached half-way down the Back. As for her Hair, it hung verynearly down to the ground, being all collected into one Lock, and boundand plaited with Ribbons; and being thus adorned, were tied closetogether above the Lock, the several corners of a Kerchief, made of thinflexible plates of Gold, cut through, and engraved in imitation of Lace. In one hand she held a great Fan, of Peacock's Feathers, with a Mirrorin the midst; and a handle of Gold, Emeralds, and Agate, that would havedriven a Duke's-Place Jew crazy to look at; and in the other, --well, youknow that Oriental Fashions are different from ours, and that the Paynimnations have the strangest of Manners and Customs, --I declare that inthe other Hand--the dexter one--the Lady held the Tube of aTobacco-pipe, the which she was smoking with great Deliberation andapparent Relish. But 'twas a very different Pipe to what we are in thehabit of seeing in England--having a Bowl of fine Red Clay encrustedwith Gems, a long straight tube of Cherry-wood, and a Mouthpiece ofAmber studded with Precious Stones. This Pipe they call a Chibook, andthey smoke it much as we do our common Clay things; but there's another, which they call a Nargilly, like the Hubble-bubble smoked by the proudPlanters in the Dutch East Indies. With the Nargilly, the Smoke passesfirst through Rose-water, to purify it; and after passing through manysnake-like coils of silk and wire tubing, the Smoker gulps it downbodily; so that it goes into his Lungs, and must make them as sooty as afoul Chimney. Many of the Turks are so handy at this nasty trick, thatthey can make the Smoke they have swallowed come out of their ears, eyes, and nostrils; but I envy them not such Mountebankery, and when Ismoke my Pipe, am content to Blow a Cloud in a moderate and Christianmanner. 

I have kept you so long describing this Eastern Lady's Dress, that youmust be growing impatient to know whether her Face matched inhandsomeness with her Apparel; but there was the Deuce of it; for whileI stood before her, staring and Wondering over her splendid Habiliments, I could catch ne'er a glimpse of her Countenance, which was entirelyconcealed from view by the Veil they call a _Formah_, which is made ofa very fine gauzy stuff, but painted in body-colour in a pattern so asto make it Opaque, and so artfully disposed as to hide the Face withoutshading any of the splendour of the Dress. And though I could not makeout so much as the tip of the Lady's Nose, I had a queer sensation thatshe was looking at _me_, nay, even that her eyes were twinkling in amerry manner under her Veil. And so I remained Dumbfoundered, quiteuncertain as to the kind of Adventure that had befallen me. Had someMoorish or Turkish Dame designed only to Divert herself at the expenseof a poor Christian Slave? or was the Veiled Lady only some artfulAdventuress of the Jewish, Armenian, or Cophtic Nation, of whom therewere many here, affecting great magnificence in their Habits and Living?

Full Ten Minutes had the Lady so gazed upon me, I staring stupidly ather, and the Negress continuing to enjoin me to silence by putting herfinger to her Lips. Then clapping her little hands together (I meanthat the Lady did, for the Black Woman's were sad Paws), in tumbles froma little door at the side of the Divan a Negro Urchin about eight yearsof age, very richly clad, who at her command brings Pipes and Coffee;and, signs being made to me, I sat down on a couple of Pillows on theGround, smoked a Chibook, emptied a Cup, not much bigger than anegg-shell, of Coffee, --very Bitter and Nauseous here, for they give youthe Dregs as well as the Liquor, --all the while staring at the Lady asthough my Eyeballs would have started out of my Head. And by this timethe Sun had quite gone down, and as there is but little Twilight inthese parts, the Shade of Evening fell like a great black Pall over theRoom; so the little Black Urchin came tumbling in again with a couple ofLamps, which he set down before the Divan. These cast a very soft androsy Light, passing through folds of Pink Silk; and as soon as my eyesgrew accustomed to 'em, I could see that the Lady had raised her Veil, that she was looking upon me with a pair of Dark, Roguish, TwinklingOrbs, and that I was sitting in the presence of my kind Protectress, Lilias. 

"What think you of this for an Opera Habit, goodman Cerberus?" criedshe. "Is this not much better than the Ballet of Orpheus? And, goodness!what strange Accoutrement have you, too, got into?"

When my first ecstasies of Joy and Amazement were over, I explained tomy Dear Patroness the Reasons (none of my own choosing) for appearing insuch a Garb as I then wore; telling her how I had been Galley-Slave, andwas now Cymbal Player, to the Unbelieving Dey of Algiers; and with greatHumility did I ask after her Honoured Parent, and seek to know by whatuncommon Accident she, the erst Ballet Dancer in the King's Opera-Houseat Paris, had come to be the tenant of this Outlandish House, andarrayed in this Heathen Habit. She answered me with that Candour andSimplicity which I ever found characteristic of her. Old Mr. Lovell wasstill alive, and in Paris; and this is how his Daughter had becomeseparated from him. A very brilliant Engagement, as First Dancer, indeed, had been offered to her at the King's Theatre at Palermo; and, after long unsuccessful importunities addressed to the Gentlemen of theFrench King's Chamber to cancel her Engagement, these instances, owingto the untiring influence of Cardinal de ----, had succeeded, and shewas allowed to depart. Full willingly would she have taken her Papa withher as a Travelling Companion; but the Old Gentleman was now veryInfirm, and averse from Moving; and so Lilias was placed under theGuardianship of an old Spanish Lady, the Señora Satisfacion de Mismar, who was the Palermo Manager's Aunt, made his engagements for him abroad, and played the Duenna or Singing Old Woman in his Comedies and Operas athome. Nothing could be properer than this arrangement, Donna Satisfacionbeing a Personage of exceeding Discretion and Propriety of Behaviour; sothe two, with half a dozen more little Dancing-girls that had beenhired to fill inferior places, started for Bordeaux, whence theydesigned to take shipping for Palermo. But by ill luck there was noPacket or Merchant Vessel bound for Sicily to be taken up for a longtime; and so they were fain to travel to Toulon, avoiding Marseilles, where the Plague then was very bad, and thence by way of Nizza to Genoa, where they found a Brig bound for Messina, which they thought wouldserve their turn. And, in truth, the poor souls found it but too wellserved; for the Brig was captured off Bastia in Corsica by one of thesediabolical Barbary Rovers, all on board made Slaves, and carried, notinto Algiers, but into Sallee. There, after much suffering, poor DonnaSatisfacion de Mismar died of a Distemper of the country, and poorLilias was left without any other Protector than her own Virtue and akind Providence. 

'Twas a terrible condition to be left in: Young, Fair, Friendless, and aSlave among these Moorish Barbarians. By Heaven's Mercy, however, thedear Girl came to no Harm. 'Tis the custom, before the ChristianWomen-captives are exposed for sale in the public Slave-Market, wherethey are Handled and put through their paces as though they were so manyCattle, for a Private Inspection of 'em to be made by the rich Personsof the place, who come and take Pipes and Coffee with the Merchant, glance over his Stock in a respectful Manner, and often strike a Bargainthere and then. The Girls for sale are apparelled in a sumptuous manner, bathed, perfumed, and trinketed out for their Private View; and theirCaptors seek to render 'em docile by giving 'em plenty of Sweetmeats. Asif the intolerable pangs of Slavery were to be allayed by Lollipops! Itchanced that among the visitors to the Merchant's House was one HametAbdoollah, a very Learned Man, a Physician by Trade, and equally trustedby the Bey of Tunis, the Dey of Algiers, and him who reigned at Tripoli;but who would not devote himself to the service of any of thesePotentates, but, loving an independent life, served all with equalfidelity, sometimes even travelling so far as the Capital of Morocco, where he was in high favour with the Savage who calls himself Emperor ofthat country, which would be as piratical as the Barbary States, only ithas less Seaboard. The father of this Physician had been quite aslearned a Man as he, and by the name of Muley Abdoollah had travelledmuch in Western Europe, where by his Skill and Erudition he had gainedso much consideration among the Polite as to be elected a CorrespondentMember of the Royal Society of England and the Paris Academy ofSciences. His son was one of the wisest and justest and most merciful ofhis Species, as you will presently have cause to admit. He was struck atonce by the Beauty, Intelligence, and Goodness of Lilias, and his humaneheart recoiled at the thought of what her fate might have been among apeople given up to Cruelty and Lust. He forthwith bought her of theMerchant at a fair price; for although that crafty and rapaciousSlave-Dealer would have made him pay Through the Nose for his Treasure, knowing the Physician to be a man of great Wealth, he forbore in veryshame from his extortion; for Hamet Abdoollah had but just saved hislittle son out of a Fever, after he had been given up by all theIgnorant Leeches of Sallee. 

So Lilias became the Bond-servant, but only so in name, to this Wise andGood Man. As her dearest wish was now to rejoin her Father, he undertookto send her back to France, and with that view did remove with hisprecious charge to Algiers, only exacting from her a promise that whileshe remained under his protection she would wear the Moorish Habit andpass as his Wife, so as to avoid Insult when she walked abroad. But ofany thoughts of Love and Intrigue the Good Man was entirely free. He waswrapped up in the study of the Healing Art, and troubled his head muchmore about Drugs, Cataplasms, and Electuaries, than about the Bow andArrows of Dan Cupid. Though why the God of Love should have beenchristened Daniel, it puzzles me to comprehend. This accounts for themanner in which I had found my dear Protectress caparisoned in everyrespect as a Moorish Dame. She told me that this was by no means thefirst time she had seen me, and that my being Cymbal-Player in the Dey'sMusicians was very well known to her, and that her kind Guardian was onthe point of petitioning the Dey to release me from Servitude, when byaccident she espied me from the Window, and could not resist thetemptation of having me called in. 

But, in her sweet regard for what was due to Modesty and Decorum, shewould have no Parley with me save in the presence of the Blackslave, --'tis true that she did not understand a word of English--anddirectly she had come to an end of her Narrative, she sent the TumblingUrchin to inquire whether the Physician had come home, the part of theHouse she occupied being quite separate and distinct from his. Thesmutty little Imp comes back bringing word that Hamet would wait uponher presently; and anon, after discreetly tapping at the door, he camein, a grave, Reverend Man, in a flowing Robe of Sad-coloured Taffety, and with a long White Beard and Green Turban; for he had made the MeccaPilgrimage, and yet abstained from assuming the title of Hadji, to whichhe was entitled. He spoke very good French, and even a little English(learned from his Papa); and when I was made known to him, asked fornews of Dr. Mead and Sir Hans Sloane, although I could tell him butlittle of that worthy and deceased Gentleman. 

"Happy is the Wooing that is not long a Doing, " they say; and, by thistime, you will probably have discovered that I Loved Lilias Lovell verydearly. 'Twas no Ramping, Rantipoling, Fiery-Furnace kind of Calf Loveon my part, but a matured and sensible admixture of Gratitude andSincere Affection. I scorn to conceal that although I knew myself to beby Lineage worthy the hand of a Gentleman's Daughter, [D] I was awarethat, by the Meanness of the condition under which I was first known tothe Lovell Family, a Gulf yawned between their Estate and mine; andthat, warm and devoted as was my Love for the Pretty Little Creature Ihad saved from the Flames, I could but deem that she reckoned the HumaneDog Cerberus of the Opera Ballet as of no greater account than a realDoggish Mastiff. But, to my extreme Amazement and Felicity, this was notso. I was beloved by this amiable Young Person, to whom Ambassadors wereproud to go on their knees, and whom Gentlemen of the Chamber would havecovered with Diamonds. With a charming frankness, blushing andstammering, yet with Virginal Pride, she confessed that she wasenamoured of me, and, if Fortune were propitious, would gladly be myWife. I could at first scarcely realize the possibility of such greatand unmerited Happiness; for well did I know the disparity in Age thatexisted between us--how Rough and Weather-beaten was I; and she, howTender, Delicate, and Good! "But does not the Ivy twine round the Oak?"quoth the Physician, as he smote me cheerfully on the Shoulder. Andbehold, now, gnarled and battered old Jack Dangerous, with thisdelicious little Parasite creeping toward and Nestling Round him. 

FOOTNOTES:

[C] 2 Kings, ix. 30. 

[D] I preserve a fragment of what His Eminence was pleased once upon atime to write to me, in his curious Italian way of spelling the Frenchtongue:

"_Si cieu che vous m'avez dict sur vostre Naissance è vray, vos esteodigne di monter dedans le carozze du Roy. _"

CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST. 

OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF MY ADVENTURES INRUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MYGRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE. 

'TWAS the advice of the Good Physician, that, to prevent Accidents, weshould be Married without delay; for in these hot countries you are hereto-day and gone to-morrow, and no one can tell what may happen. Difficulties almost insurmountable, 'tis true, seemed to stand in theway of our Union; but Hamet Abdoollah was able to act almost aMagician's part to bring about our Happiness. I was for the time beingbestowed in his House, and the next morning the Physician hies him tothe Dey, who was in a Fury about me, and was threatening all kinds ofBowstrings and Bastinadoes. But his Highness happening likewise to besuffering from Toothache, and as a Man with a Raging Tooth would giveall the Treasures of Potosi to be quit of his Agony, the Physicianpromised to Relieve him forthwith if he would grant his Suit. The Deypromised him any thing he could wish for, and so Hamet Abdoollah cureshim with a little Phial full of nothing but Tar Balsam. 'Tis but just tothe Mussulmans to say, that when they have once given their Word ofHonour, they keep it with Extreme Rigour; so that when the Physicianbegged pardon for me, and License to purchase me out of the Dey'sservice and take me into his own, the Suit was very cheerfully granted. Joyfully Hamet Abdoollah repairs to us again, with a Firman under theDey's own Signet granting me my Liberty; and that very forenoon mysilver Collar, Anklets, and Manacles were stricken off, --the Physicianreturning them to the Dey's Treasury, --and I was no longer a Slave. 

Although there is no Man alive who mislikes Popery and its SuperstitiousPractices more than does J. D. , there is one order of Nuns and one ofMonks for whose members I entertain a profound Love and Reverence. OfShe-Religious, I mean those Blessed Sisters of Charity who go about theWorld doing good, braving Sickness, succouring Misery, assuaging Hunger, drying up Tears, and smiling in the Face of Death: God bless those HolyWomen, say I, wheresoever they are to be found! and in our ownProtestant country of England, why should we not have similarSisterhoods of Women of Mercy, or Deaconesses, bound by no rigid vows, and suffering no ridiculous Penances of Stripes and Macerations, butobeying only the call of Religious Charity, and going Quietly andTrustfully about their Master's Business? Of He-Monks, I mean theFathers of the Work of Redemption, or Redemptorists, whose sole businessit is to travel about Begging and Praying of the Rich for money toRansom poor Christian bodies out of Slavery; which is a better work, Ithink, than praying for the deliverance of their Souls out of Purgatory. These Redemptorist Fathers have a permanent Station and Correspondenceat all the Piratical Ports of the Barbary Coast; and at stated times, when they have gathered enough Money to redeem a certain number ofChristians, a body of the Fraternity visit the Station, take away theirSanctified Merchandise, and by their Humble and Devout Carriage, andexemplary Poverty of Life, extort admiration even from the BloodthirstyHeathens. 

Now at Algiers, about this time, there was suffered to dwell an oldReligious of this Order, Le Père Lefanu, --who for his Virtues and Pietywas esteemed even by the Mussulman Ulemas, and was thought a good dealmore of than any of their Marabutts or Santons, which is a name theygive to a kind of wandering Idiots, who, the Crazier they are, arethought the more deserving of Superstitious Veneration. Père Lefanu wasnearly ninety years of age, and had dwelt among these Barbarians forfull sixty years of his Life, passing his time in Meditation, Prayer, and the Visitation of the Sick and Needy, both among the Unbelievers andthe Christian Slaves, and at the same time transacting all necessarybusiness with the Dey's Head-men for periodically redeeming those thatwere in Bondage. Our good Physician had a profound esteem for thisReverend Person, and often visited him; and now it was through hisMinistry that Lilias and I were to be made One. I had forgotten to say, that my departed Saint was of the Communion opposite to mine; but in aland of Pagans 'tis as well to forget all differences between Papistsand Protestants, and to remember only that we are Christians. PèreLefanu had been ordained a Secular Priest before he had become a RegularMonk, and, he told me that if I had any Conscientious Scruples as to theHusband being a Protestant and the Wife of another way of Thinking, Icould have the marriage done over again in whatever way I thought properon our return to Europe. But I was in far too great a Hurry to beMarried to look too narrowly which way the Cat jumped; and a RomishWedding is surely better than jumping over a Broomstick, which, unlesswe had adopted the uncouth Moresque custom, would have been all theCeremony of Matrimony we could have had. So Père Lefanu came privately, to avoid Gossip, to the Physician's House, and Lilias Lovell and JohnDangerous were made One in the French Language, the contracting partiesbeing English, the Bridegroom's best man a tawny Mahometan Moor, and theonly Bridesmaid a Black Negress. 

Our Honeymoon (we continuing to dwell in the House of the good HametAbdoollah) was one of unmixed Joy and Gladness; but 'twas too completeto last long, and soon came a black Storm to lash into fury the calmsurface of our Life's Lake. Seized with a Malignant Distemper, and afterbut three days' Sickness, the good Hamet Abdoollah died. His Pillow wassmoothed by our reverent hands, and with his dying breath he blessed us. I know not if there be any Saints in the Mussulman Church; but if evera man deserved Canonization from whatsoever Communion he belonged to, Iam sure it was Hamet Abdoollah, the Moorish Physician. 

His Skill in Medicine had brought him great Wealth, of which, althoughhe was always distributing Alms to the Poor, he left a considerablePortion behind him. In his last moments he sent for the Cadi and Ulemaof his Quarter, for his will to be made, or at least to assure them byword of mouth of his Testamentary Intentions, which among this Peoplewould have been as religiously carried out as though he had writtenthem. But, alas! when the Cadi and Ulema arrived, he was speechless, anddied without word or sign of his Wishes. 

His Relations came forthwith to administer to his Effects, and (if truthbe not unpalatable to English Heirs, that often do the same thing) tofight and squabble over the administration thereof. A pretty Noise andRiot they made: now weeping and howling over the Corse; now burstingopen Trunks, wrenching Trinkets from each other, striving to conveyaway Garments and Furniture, and even tearing down the hangings of RichStuff. Only the Harem, where my one True Wife was, remained inviolatefrom these Harpies; but me they overwhelmed with the most injuriousInvectives and accosted by the foulest epithets, calling me Infidel, Pig, Giaour Dog, Frankish Thief, and the like, telling me that I hadfattened long enough on the Substance of a True Believer, with the likeopprobrious speeches. I let them have their way, only giving them tounderstand that the first Man who should attempt to cross the Thresholdof my Harem, it were better for him that he never had been Born. 

Soon, however, came a greater Heir at Law than any of these, to takepossession of the Dead Man's heritage. The news of Hamet Abdoollah'sdecease had come to the ears of the Dey; and straightway he sends down astrong guard of Coglolies to Seize all in his Name, specially enjoiningthe Bullock Bashee in command to put the big Christian Slave (meaningmyself) in Fetters, and equally secure, although with lighter bonds, the fair Frankish Woman, meaning my dear Wife Lilias. All this was nosooner said than done. The Rough Soldiers burst into the House, and, toprevent any misunderstanding about me, a Cloth (for which I was quiteunprepared) was thrown over my head from Behind; and while I was yetstruggling to free myself from this blinding Incumbrance, the Gyves werepassed over my Wrists and Ankles. And then they removed the Cloth, and, laden with heavy Chains, I had to behold in Despair their Invading theSanctity of my Harem, and tearing therefrom my Lilias. In vain did IShout, Threaten, Grind my Teeth, Implore, Promise, and strive to Tear myHair. They only Laughed; and one Brutish Coglolie made as though tostrike me with the flat of his Sabre, when I out with my foot, allfettered as it was, and gave the Ruffian a blow on the Jaw, the which, by the momentum given by the Iron, I thought had stove it in. This muchinfuriated his Savage Companions; and I doubt not but they would havefinished me, but the Bullock Bashee, who had orders to the contrary, constrained them to stay their hand. 

What became of my dear Lilias, I was not allowed to know. She was borneaway, shrieking and calling on me, with Streaming Eyes, for help; and Isaw her no more. Myself they dragged downstairs; and when we were comeinto the street, flung me, fettered as I was, over the back of anArtillery Horse, where I lay, face downwards, and in a kind of stupor, as listless as a Miller's Sack; and so, my Gyves jingling andclattering, I was conveyed away. 

The cruel and remorseless Dey of Algiers I saw no more. Some spark ofshame there might perchance be in the Ruffian's Breast that forbade himto gaze upon the man he had pardoned and enfranchised, and had nowtraitorously Kidnapped. I suppose that in the Thieves' philosophy ofthis Fellow he reasoned that, if promises are to be kept to Live Men, there is no need to keep them unto Dead ones; that he was released fromall his obligations by the demise of Hamet Abdoollah; and that, as thePhysician could not cure him of the Toothache again, if he chanced toget it, 'twas idle to continue bestowing Favours where no Benefits couldbe derived. 

Into a wretched Dungeon of the Arsenal was poor J. Dangerous thrust, with naught for victuals but Musty Beans and Stinking Water. When I hadbeen here, groaning and gnashing my teeth, for seven days, --which seemedto me thrice seven years, --a Rascally Fellow that I knew to be a Scribebelonging to the Divan of the Dey comes into my Dungeon to tell me thatthe Packet-ship has come in from Marseilles, and that in answer to myletter to Monsieur Foscue, that Merchant sends word that he knowsnothing at all about me; to which the Rascally Scribe adds, in theLingua Franca, that I was no doubt an Impostor who had trumped up aconvenient Fable of my being a Gentleman, and having Correspondents whowould be Answerable for my Ransom in Europe, in order to get better foodand treatment until the real truth could be known. Whereupon he tellsme that his Highness the Dey had not yet quite made up his mind as towhether he shall have me Impaled, or merely Flayed Alive, and so slamsthe door in my Face. 

In this Horrible Dungeon did I continue for seven days more, mostlygrovelling on the ground, my face downwards, and praying for Deliveranceor Death. I had a mind to dash my Brains out against the slimy walls ofthe Cell, but was only stayed by the thought of my Lilias. 'Twas alwaysnight in the abominable Hole, which was lighted only by a hole in theroof, about four inches square, and which gave not into the open air, but into a Corridor above. But on the fifteenth night of my Captivity, for I judged it so by the utter darkness, the door of the Dungeonopened, and the Blessed Old Man that was a Redemptorist Father appeared, bearing a Lantern. 

"You have that about you, my son, " says he, "which should be a sign thatyou are a trusted Agent of Holy Mother Church. Can you show it?"

I pointed with one of my fettered hands to my Breast, and made signs forhim to search for that he was in quest of. The which he did, and afterreverently kissing the Parchment I had between the Glasses, restored itto me. 

"You have been most basely entreated, " he continued. "Monsieur Foscuesent ample funds for your Ransom, and his Eminence is most anxious foryour safety; but the cruel Moorish Prince who governs this unhappy city, after taking the money, feigned that you had made your Escape from theArsenal, designing to keep you here in Chains and Hunger until youshould Perish. "

He paused for a moment, for his Great Age made him very feeble, and thencontinued:

"I can deliver you from this Abode of Misery; but it is not in my power, my son, to give you entire Deliverance. Would that I could! You have butto follow me to the Quayside, where you will find a boat to convey youon board a Turkish Merchant-ship, that to-morrow morning weighs anchorfor Constantinople. You will still be a Slave to the Captain, but toyour own ingenuity I leave it to obtain complete Freedom. "

"And my Wife--my dear, dear Lilias?" I asked. 

The Ancient Man shook his head. 

"I can do nothing to bring you together again. She cannot follow you toStamboul; but by Perseverance, and in Time, you may be restored to her. "

"Time!" I cried out in bitter desperation. "Time! O Father! I am growingan old man. She is the stay and prop of my Life; she is the one ray ofsunshine cast on a Black and Wicked Career! And she is taken from me bythese Butchers! and I am to see her no more? What care I for Hunger andChains, and a Dungeon-floor for a Pallet? They have been familiar to mefrom my earliest youth. If I am not to have my Lilias's sweetcompanionship again, I will remain here, in this Hole, and die like aDog, as I am. "

"Take comfort, my son, " said the Redemptorist Monk. "Time andPerseverance may, I repeat, enable you to attain your heart's desire. Meanwhile, console yourself with the assurance that the Fair and GoodWoman, who is your Wife, is out of peril from lawless men. By the samePacket-ship that brought the Letters from Monsieur Foscue came a Sumsufficient Doubly to Ransom the Young Woman. The benignant protection ofhis Eminence has been extended to her, and she will in a few days returnto France, and to her Father. "

"But can I not see her?--cannot I touch her Hand?--can I not press herLip?--for one brief moment, and for the last time?"

"It is impossible, " answered the Monk. "She is watched, both by Day andNight, by zealous agents of the Dey, and I have no means of access toher. 'Twould be death both to you and to myself were I to seek to bringabout a meeting between you. Even now the precious moments are wastingaway. In another hour the Guard will be changed, and your Escapeimpossible. "

"And how is it possible now?" I asked. "And will no one come to Hurtthrough my evasion?"

"It _is_ possible, " he repeated. "You have to walk but from hence to theOuter Gate and the Quayside. Immediately you have departed, the Body ofa poor Christian Slave, of your age and stature, who died this morningat the Arsenal, will be conveyed here, and garnished with your Chains. The Dey will be told that you have died in Prison. He loves not to lookupon the faces of those he has murdered, and will take the word of theAga, who is in our pay. Come! there is not an instant to be lost. Hereis the key to your Fetters. Unlock them, and follow me. "

With a heart that was now elated with the prospect of Deliverance, andnow sunk at the thought that I was still to be separated from my Lilias, I did as the good Redemptorist bade me, and, casting my accursedShackles from me in a heap, limped slowly forth--for the Iron hadwofully galled me. Outside the Dungeon-door stood a couple of Coglolies, with their Turban-cloths let down over their faces to serve as Masks, who swiftly unlocked what Doors remained between us and the Sea Rampart. The Monk pressed my Hand, gave me his Blessing, bidding me hope forBetter Times, and disappeared. Guided by the Coglolies, and, indeed, half supported by them, I was put into a Boat waiting at the Quayside, as the Monk had told me, and ten minutes' hard pulling brought usalongside a large craft, on board which, I being so weak, they were fainto hoist me with Ropes. By this time I had sunk into a kind of Lethargy, and, being conveyed below and put into a cot in the Master's Cabin, fellinto a slumber, which lasted for very many hours. 

The Captain of this ship was an English Renegado, named Sparkenhoe. Hehad served as Midshipman and Master's Mate in a King's ship; but havingbeen, as he conceived, unjustly Broken for hot words that passedbetween him and the Captain, --this took place at Gibraltar, --haddeserted, and hid himself on board a Merchant Brig bound for Tangier. Atlast, being fond of a Roving Life (and having the misfortune to kill theCaptain of the Merchant Brig in a dispute concerning some Bullocks theywere shipping), he had turned Mussulman; and after living some timeamong the Buccaneers of the Riff, had come to Algiers, and been madeCaptain of a Merchantman trading to the Dardanelles, and doing a bit ofPiracy when opportunity served. 'Twas full five-and-twenty years sincehe had Run from the King of Great Britain's service; and although hisBlue Eyes and enormous Red Whiskers still gave him somewhat of a Saxonappearance, he had very nearly forgotten his Mother Tongue, and onlyretained English enough to enable him to mingle a few Billingsgate Oathswith his barbarous Levantine Lingo. 

This fellow, whom I heartily despised, for he had kept all the Vices ofhis former Religion, and had acquired none of the Virtues of his newone, was civil enough to me, and informed me that all he could do forme, in return for the Bribe he had received from his Employers, would beto deliver me to a Slave Merchant at Constantinople, who would place meout in Domestic Service where I should not be ill-treated. But he verystrongly advised me to turn Turk or Renegado, as he himself was, saying, that in such a case he would land me perfectly free at the Porte, whereI should doubtless find some profitable Employment. This I scornfullyrefused; whereupon he shrugged his Shoulders, and said that I was aFool, but might possibly think Better of it in Time. 

After three weeks' coasting among the Isles of the Grecian Archipelago, and so into the Sea of Marmora, we steered into the Dardanelles 'twixtthe Castles of Europe and Asia; and the same night the Slave-Dealercomes off in a private Caique--as the Turks call their Canoes, --and theRenegado delivered me up to him. I was taken to his House at Galata, where I was kept very close for two or three weeks, and was then soldto a Merchant of Damascus in Asia, that had come to Constantinople withthe Autumn Caravans, to dispose of his cargo of Silk and Attar ofRoses--a very fine and subtle Perfume, one drop of which is sufficientto scent an entire House. 

 * * * * *

'Twas in the autumn of the year 1759 that I so came to Damascus, and forten years did I remain in that city, --all the time without hearing oneword from my dear Wife. Had I been in the Capital, where ForeignAmbassadors reside, I could not, as a Christian, be detained in Slavery;that being guarded against by Treaties between the Crown of GreatBritain and the Sublime Porte. But in this remote part of the Empire, these and many other worse enormities were possible; and I remained asone Dead and Buried. To a few English and French Travellers passingthrough Damascus did I tell my piteous Tale, and entreat their help; butthe account that I gave of myself was so rambling and confused, andcontained, I could but confess it, many Incredible Particulars, that Icould plainly see no one believed my Tale, or accounted me as aught buta half-mad Fellow that had run away for some misdeed from a Ship in porton the Coast of Syria, and was now trying to cadge Sympathy for aPretended Grievance. At last I gave up complaining. Slowly, but surely, my memory of my former life began to Decay, and even the knowledge ofmine own Language faded away, and became weaker and weaker every day. Idressed, I ate, I drank, I slept in the Eastern Fashion, and in all butreligion I was a Turk. 

Meanwhile I had gained in the favour of my Master. He was about mine ownage when he purchased me, and we grew old Together. At first I wasemployed as a mere Menial, in carrying of Bales and Packages, andtending of Camels; but by degrees I was promoted to be his Warehouseman, Clerk, Cashkeeper, and at last his Partner. In that capacity he sent meto manage a large silk-plantation of his in the Lebanon; and after twoyears of that work I left him with a fortune of no less than fivehundred Purses of Gold (about 20, 000_l. _ of our Money), to set up on myown account in the City of Broussa. He made no attempt (nor had he atany time done so) to combat my Religious Scruples, but counselled me tobehave in all things outwardly as a Turk; and if anything was said of mybeing in countenance a Frank (though I was swarthy enough from my LongJourneyings), to account for it by saying that I was an Affghan born, out of India. He died very soon after I settled at Broussa, and thesecret of my being a Christian died with him. It is true that, for merePolicy's sake, I did go through the Mummeries of outward Mahometans, andhad my Rosary and my Prayer-carpet like other Merchants of Broussa; butI scornfully deny that I was initiated, or submitted to, any HeathenishRites; and I am ready to maintain now, Cut, Thrust, or Backsword, that Iwas then as stanch and leal a Protestant as I am now. 

Under the name of Gholab Hassan, of Affghanistan, and a True Believer, Iprospered exceedingly, almost entirely forgetting my own country. 'Tistrue I always preserved an affectionate remembrance of my dear WifeLilias; but she seemed to me in the guise of some Departed Angel, whom Ihad been privileged to behold but for a Short and Transient Period. Among these Pagans, as is well known, Polygamy is permitted; but that isneither here nor there; and I was now an Old, Old Man. 

'Tis ten years since, namely, A. D. 1770, that a great Insurrectionagainst the Authority of the Porte, or rather of the Bashaw of theProvince, who had been laying on the Taxes with somewhat too heavy ahand, broke out in Broussa. The infuriate Populace burnt the House ofthe Bashaw about his ears, plundered the Bazaar, and were proceeding tofurther extremities, when, a puff of my old Martial Spirit revivingwithin me, I collected a trusted band of Porters and Camel-drivers, rallied the Turkish Troops, who were flying in all directions, reformedthem, scattered the Insurgent Mobile, and did (I promise you) speedyexecution on some Scores of them. The Insurrection was very speedilysubdued, and all Broussa was filled with the praises of my Valour andDiscretion. The Bashaw was a poor Good-natured kind of Creature, Braveenough, but so Fat that when he mounted on Horseback they were obligedto put one of the Pillows of his Divan on the pummel of his saddle tokeep his Stomach steady. An end, however, was put to the discomfort hesuffered through Corpulence, by the arrival, three weeks after thesuppression of the Insurrection, of a Tartar Courier, who brought withhim a Bowstring and a Firman from the Grand Seignor. By means of theBowstring, the Fat Bashaw was then and there strangled, --for they dothings in a very off-hand manner in Turkey, --and when the Firman wasopened by his Vizier it was found to contain, not his own nomination tothe Bashawlik, which he fondly expected, but the appointment of theMerchant Gholab Hassan, that is to say, JOHN DANGEROUS, that is to say, your Humble Servant, to the vacant Post, and commanding my immediateattendance at the Porte to receive investiture with the ThreeHorse-tails of Office. 

I was at once saluted as Gholab Bashaw, and the next day set forthamidst great Acclamations, and in sumptuous state, for Constantinople. Arrived there, I was handsomely lodged in a Palace close to the OldSeraglio, and admitted to no less than three solemn Audiences with theCommander of the Faithful, the Caliph Al Islam, the Padishaw of Roum, the Great Turk himself. 

I could not help smiling at myself, now arrayed in all the pomp andglory of an Exalted Functionary, and in the true Turkish fashion. 'Tis acustom (through Ignorance of those parts) with the Limners of Europe toportray all Osmanlis with long Beards; and, for truth, as a Merchant atBroussa, I had a great grizzled one of most Goatish appearance; butamong the Bashaws and all those engaged in the Military Service of theGrand Seignor, or holding Employments in the Seraglio, they wear only afierce and martial pair of Whiskers. The most distinguishing sign of atrue Mussulman is, after all, his Sarik or Turban, made in two parts, namely, a Bonnet, and the Linen that is wrapped round it. The former akind of Cap, red or green, without Brims, and quilted with Cotton. Aboutthis they roll several folds of Linen Cloth; and it is a particular artto know how to give a Turban a good air; it being a trade with 'em, asthe Selling of Hats is with us. The Emirs, who boast of being descendedfrom the race of Mahomet, wear a turban all green; but that of thecommon Turks is red, with a white border, so distinguishing 'em from theChristians. Next I wore great long Breeches of a 'broidered stuff, and aShirt of fine soft calico, with wide Sleeves, but no Wristbands orCollar; and over this a Cassock or Vest of fine English Cloth, reachingto the ankles, and buttoned with buttons of gold, about the bigness of apeppercorn. This was tied with a broad Sash or Girdle, which wentthrice round the waist, with the ends hanging down before, and twohandsome Tassels. Over all this another Garment, richly laced, and linedwith Furs of the Martin or the Badger. In my Girdle a Dagger, about thesize of a case-knife, the handle curiously wrought, and adorned withPrecious Stones. And as the Turkish tailors make no pockets to theirvestments, Purse, Handkerchief, Tobacco-box, and things of that naturemust needs be put into the Bosom, or thrust under the Girdle. Instead ofShoes, a pair of Slippers of yellow leather; which, whenever you enter aMosque or the presence of a Superior, you must put off on the threshold. This custom makes the soles of a Turk's feet always ready for theapplication of the Talack or Bastinado, from which argument neither highnor low are exempt. 

_Item. _--The Women here very richly dressed, but sad Gossips, and aLazy, Lolloping kind of creatures; which they must needs be, poor souls, seeing that they have no sort of Education, and are kept mostly inseclusion, talking of scandal, sucking of sugar-plums, showing theirbrave apparel to each other, and thrumming upon the Mandolin. Agalloping, dreary, dull place indeed is a Turkish Harem. As to thequalities of the mind, the Turkish Women want neither Wit, Good Sense, nor Tenderness; but the constraint that is put upon 'em, and the jealouseye with which they are guarded, makes 'em go a great way in a littletime, and make an ill use of the Liberty which is sometimes grantedthem. The old women-slaves of the Armenian and Jew Merchants, who arethe confidantes of the Turkish women, enter their apartments at allhours, under the pretence of bringing them Jewels, and often favourtheir amours with brisk young fellows. The usual hour for intrigue isthe hour of morning and evening Prayers, when the Husbands are away atthe Mosques. In case of Discovery the Turks are masters of the Lives oftheir Wives; and if they have been convicted in form, they are sewn upin Sacks, and thrown into the Sea. And even if a Guilty Woman's life isspared, she is condemned to marry her Gallant, who is sentenced to die, or must turn Mahometan, supposing him to be a Christian. The leastpunishment for a man who has broken the Seventh Commandment is to ridethrough the streets upon an Ass, with his face towards the Tail, toreceive a certain number of Blows upon the Soles of his Feet, and to paya Fine in proportion to his Estate. 

But though a duly invested Bashaw of Three Tails, I was not fated toremain long in that Capacity. For once, however, my Destiny, insubjecting me to Change, played me a kind instead of a spiteful Turn. Going to visit the French Ambassador, who was then in high favour at thePorte, I found there, living under the protection of his Family, a Lady, who was no other than my dear Wife Lilias, and with her a Daughter, called after her own name, who was now twelve years of age. Her History, as she related it to me, was brief, but amazing. Both her Father and theCardinal died about two years after her return from Captivity; but shefound a new guardian in my old friend Captain Night, or Don ErcoloSparafucile di San Lorenzo, the Knight of Malta, who had retired fromthat Island to end his days in France. She was enabled to cheer thedeclining years of that Gallant Gentleman, who had preserved a livelyremembrance of his old _Protégé_, Jack Dangerous; and when he died, heleft her the whole of his large fortune. All these years she hadremained in a dreadful state of uncertainty, till, through the kindoffices of the French Minister of Police, she was made acquainted withthe last dying avowal of a Pirate Renegado, named Sparkenhoe, who hadexpired at the Galleys of Marseille, and stated that, in the year 1759, he had conveyed a refugee Christian Slave from Algiers toConstantinople, where he had been sold to a Merchant of Damascus. In thealmost desperate hope of discovering some Tidings of me, my Wife andChild had journeyed to the Porte, where they were most kindly receivedat the French Embassy. They had given up almost every prospect ofmeeting me again, when I made my sudden appearance in the strange Guiseof a Turkish Bashaw. 

Under ordinary Circumstances, it might have gone hard with me; for theTurks reckon it as an unpardonable crime for a Christian to assume theMussulman Garb, and conform outwardly to that religion, without havinggone through the Proper Rites. However, as I have said, the FrenchAmbassador was just then in high favour with the Porte. He made interestwith the Captain Bashaw, the Kislar Aga, and the Grand Vizier himself. The services I had rendered to the Great Turk by suppressing theInsurrection at Broussa were taken into consideration; and it was atlength agreed, that if I would convey myself away privately, and take myWife with me, no more should be said about the matter. It was given outat Broussa that I had been appointed to another and more distantGovernment; and he who had been Vizier to the unlucky Fat Man got hismuch-coveted Preferment, and, I have no doubt, was very happy in it, till the inevitable Tartar came, and he was Bowstrung, like hispredecessor. So Gholab Bashaw resigned the Three Horse-tails that duringso brief a period had waved at his Flagstaff, and became once more plainJOHN DANGEROUS. The Sublime Porte, however, confiscated all my Propertyat Broussa, including my Wives--I mean, my Women Servants. 

With my Wife and Child I now returned to Europe, full of Years, and, Ihope, notwithstanding some Ups and Downs, full of Honours too. We werein no hurry, however, to return to England; for I had wandered aboutForeign Parts so long in Discredit, and Danger, and Distress, that Ithought myself well entitled to see the world a little in Freedom andIndependence, and with a Handsome competence at my Back. Therefore, asthe Chevalier Captain John Dangerous, --I have dropped my Knightly rankof late years, --and furnished with all necessary passports andsafe-conducts, we made our way across the Black Sea to Odessa, a meankind of place, but rising in the way of trade; and after a most affablereception by the Russian Governor of that place, journeyed at our easethrough the Tauric Chersonese, now wrested from the Tartar Khans ofSimpheropol, and belonging to the Muscovites. Next, in a handsomewheeled carriage-and-four, we made for the great City of Moscow, --theold Capital of the Great Dukes of Russia, --where we abode two wholeyears, and went among the very best people in the place; although I hadan ugly Equivoque with a young gentleman of Quality that was an officerof Dragoons, and who, I declare, stole a diamond-mounted Snuff-box ofmine off my wife's Harpsichord, putting the same (the Snuff-box, I mean)into the pocket of his pantaloons. Him I was compelled to expel from myhouse, the Toe of my Boot aiding; and meeting him subsequently at aCoffee-house, and he not seeming sufficiently impressed with theturpitude of his Offence, but the rather inclined to regard it as avenial Prank or Whimsey, I did Batoon him within an inch of his life, and until there were more wheals on his Body than bars of silver-braidon his Jacket. This led to a serious misunderstanding between Justiceand myself. I was not Imprisoned, but was summoned no less thanfifty-seven times before a kind of Judge they call an Assessor, whoaddressed a number of interrogatories to me, which, at a moderatecomputation, reached, in the course of five weeks, three thousand sevenhundred and nine questions. This might have gone on till Doomsday, butfor the kind offices of a Muscovite friend, who hinted to me that if Idiscreetly slipped a Bank-bill for five hundred roubles into the hand ofthe Examining Judge, I should hear no more of the affair. This I did, and was soon after honourably acquitted; after which I gave the youngSpark whom I had batooned his revenge, by allowing him to duff me out ofa few score pieces at the game of Lansquenet. By and by, being tired ofMoscow, we removed to the stately northern Capital, Petersburg, where Ihad a handsome mansion on the Fontanka Canal, and was on more than oneoccasion admitted to an audience with the Empress of Russia, the mightyCzarina Catherine; a fine, bold, strapping woman, with a great taste forPolitics, Diamonds, the Fine Arts, and affairs of Gallantry. The Firsttime I made my obeisance to her Majesty (which was at her summerresidence of Peterhoff, on the River Neva), she deigned, smilingaffably, to say to me:--

"_Ah, ah! vous êtes le Sabreur anglais qui avez rossé mes gens, là-bas, à Moscou. Je voudrais que vous en fissiez autant pour mes faquins deChevalier-Gardes à Petersbourg. _"

I was given to understand in very high quarters that I had only to ask, to receive a lucrative and honourable Appointment in the service of theCzarina, --either as a General by Land, or as an Admiral at Sea; but Iwas sick of fighting, and of working too; so at last, in disgust, I gaveup my House, and taking shipping with my family at Cronstadt, retired toHamburg, whence, after a brief sojourn, I travelled to France. 

My sainted Wife, with whom, after our reunion, I lived most happily, died in Paris, in the year 1773; and then, feeling my Days drawing to aclose, and desiring to lay my Bones in my own Country, I returned toEngland, after an absence of more than Thirty Years. Finding that theold Mansion that had belonged to my Grandmother was for sale by PublicAuction, I purchased the Freehold, repaired and beautified it, and cameto reside in it, occupying my long and happy leisure by the compositionof these Memoirs. And if any one of my Readers experiences one-hundredthpart the pleasure in Reading these Pages (and that I dare scarcely hope)that I have experienced in Writing them, John Dangerous will indeed beamply repaid. 

 THE END OF THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN DANGEROUS. 

NOTE EXCULPATORY. 

IT may be as well to state, for the benefit of sticklers for matters offact, that, in the episode relating to Arabella Greenville, the mannerof death ascribed to Lord Francis Villiers is, as Dr. Colenso would say, "un-historical. " The young nobleman in question was slain in battle; andthe description of his execution at Hampton Court is one of the fewinstances of the Romancer's licence I have allowed myself in thesevolumes. 

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Transcriber's Notes:

Obvious punctuation errors repaired. 

Spelling being fluid in Captain Dangerous' life, spellings such as"Quean" (which shows up twice) were retained. 

Page 16, "Item" was italicised to match the rest of the usage of thisword in this text. (_Item:_ I engaged)

Page 84, "Bood" changed to "Blood" (stain of Blood)

Page 127, repeated word "the" deleted. Original read: (with the thefloor of the)

Page 239, "they" changed to "the" (the Dey began to look)

Page 269, the "d" in the word "and" was printed upside down originally. (a matured and)

Page 279, "Coglololies" changed to "Coglolies" to fit rest of usage(guard of Coglolies)

Varied hyphenation in this book includes: a-piece and apiece, Gunshotand Gun-shot; maingears and main-gears; Night-cap and Nightcap; Red-hotand Redhot.