[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of thefile for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making anentire meal of them. D. W. ]

 THE SATYRICON OF PETRONIUS ARBITER

 Complete and unexpurgated translation by W. C. Firebaugh, in which are incorporated the forgeries of Nodot and Marchena, and the readings introduced into the text by De Salas. 

Among the difficulties which beset the path of the conscientioustranslator, a sense of his own unworthiness must ever take precedence;but another, scarcely less disconcerting, is the likelihood ofmisunderstanding some allusion which was perfectly familiar to the authorand his public, but which, by reason of its purely local significance, is obscure and subject to the misinterpretation and emendation of a latergeneration. 

A translation worthy of the name is as much the product of a literaryepoch as it is of the brain and labor of a scholar; and Melmouth'sversion of the letters of Pliny the Younger, made, as it was, at aperiod when the art of English letter writing had attained its highestexcellence, may well be the despair of our twentieth century apostles ofspecialization. Who, today, could imbue a translation of the Golden Asswith the exquisite flavor of William Adlington's unscholarly version ofthat masterpiece? Who could rival Arthur Golding's rendering of theMetamorphoses of Ovid, or Francis Hicke's masterly rendering of Lucian'sTrue History? But eternal life means endless change and in nothing isthis truth more strikingly manifest than in the growth and decadence ofliving languages and in the translation of dead tongues into the everchanging tissue of the living. Were it not for this, no translationworthy of the name would ever stand in need of revision, except ininstances where the discovery and collation of fresh manuscripts hadimproved the text. In the case of an author whose characters speak inthe argot proper to their surroundings, the necessity for revision iseven more imperative; the change in the cultured speech of a language isa process that requires years to become pronounced, the evolution ofslang is rapid and its usage ephemeral. For example Stephen Gaselee, inhis bibliography of Petronius, calls attention to Harry Thurston Peck'srendering of "bell um pomum" by "he's a daisy, " and remarks, appropriately enough, "that this was well enough for 1898; but we wouldnow be more inclined to render it 'he's a peach. '" Again, Peck renders"illud erat vivere" by "that was life, " but, in the words of our lyricAmerican jazz, we would be more inclined to render it "that was thelife. " "But, " as Professor Gaselee has said, "no rendering of this partof the Satyricon can be final, it must always be in the slang of thehour. "

"Some, " writes the immortal translator of Rabelais, in his preface, "have deservedly gained esteem by translating; yet not many condescendto translate but such as cannot invent; though to do the first well, requires often as much genius as to do the latter. I wish, reader, thou mayest be as willing to do the author justice, as I have stroveto do him right. "

Many scholars have lamented the failure of Justus Lipsius to comment uponPetronius or edit an edition of the Satyricon. Had he done so, he mighthave gone far toward piercing the veil of darkness which enshrouds theauthorship of the work and the very age in which the composer flourished. To me, personally, the fact that Laurence Sterne did not undertake aversion, has caused much regret. The master who delineated TristramShandy's father and the intrigue between the Widow Wadman and Uncle Tobywould have drawn Trimalchio and his peers to admiration. 

 W. C. F. 

CONTENTS:

PREFACEINTRODUCTIONTHE SATYRICONNOTES PROSTITUTION PAEDERASTIA CHAPTER NOTES 9 Gladiator obscene 17 Impotence 26 Peepholes in brothels 34 Silver Skeleton 36 Marsyas 40 A pie full of birds 56 Contumelia 116 Life in Rome 116 Legacy hunting 119 Castration 127 Circe's voice 131 Sputum in charms 131 The "infamous finger" 138 The dildo The Cordax

SIX NOTES BY MARCHENA Introduction I Soldiers in love II Courtesans III Greek love IV Pollution V Virginity VI Pandars

INTRODUCTION. 

Of the many masterpieces which classical antiquity has bequeathed tomodern times, few have attained, at intervals, to such popularity; fewhave so gripped the interest of scholars and men of letters, as has thisscintillating miscellany known as the Satyricon, ascribed by tradition tothat Petronius who, at the court of Nero, acted as arbiter of eleganceand dictator of fashion. The flashing, wit, the masterly touches whichbring out the characters with all the detail of a fine old copperetching; the marvelous use of realism by this, its first prophet; thesure knowledge of the perspective and background best adapted to eachepisode; the racy style, so smooth, so elegant, so simple when theeducated are speaking, beguile the reader and blind him, at first, to themany discrepancies and incoherences with which the text, as we have it, is marred. The more one concentrates upon this author, the more apparentthese faults become and the more one regrets the lacunae in the text. Notwithstanding numerous articles which deal with this work, some fromthe pens of the most profound scholars, its author is still shrouded inthe mists of uncertainty and conjecture. He is as impersonal asShakespeare, as aloof as Flaubert, in the opinion of Charles Whibley, and, it may be added, as genial as Rabelais; an enigmatic genius whosesecret will never be laid bare with the resources at our present command. As I am not writing for scholars, I do not intend going very deeply intothe labyrinth of critical controversy which surrounds the author and thework, but I shall deal with a few of the questions which, if properlyunderstood, will enhance the value of the Satyricon, and contribute, insome degree, to a better understanding of the author. For the sake ofconvenience the questions discussed in this introduction will be arrangedin the following order:

1. The Satyricon. 

2. The Author. A His Character. B His Purpose in Writing. C Time in which the Action is placed. D Localization of the Principal Episode. 

3. Realism. A Influence of the Satyricon upon the Literature of the World. 

4. The Forgeries. 

I

THE SATYRICON. Heinsius and Scaliger derive the word from the Greek, whence comes our English word satyr, but Casaubon, Dacier and Spanheimderive it from the Latin 'satura, ' a plate filled with different kindsof food, and they refer to Porphyrion's 'multis et variis rebus hoccarmen refertum est. '

The text, as we possess it, may be divided into three divisions: thefirst and last relate the adventures of Encolpius and his companions, thesecond, which is a digression, describes the Dinner of Trimalchio. Thatthe work was originally divided into books, we had long known fromancient glossaries, and we learn, from the title of the Traguriensianmanuscript, that the fragments therein contained are excerpts from thefifteenth and sixteenth books. An interpolation of Fulgentius (Paris7975) attributes to Book Fourteen the scene related in Chapter 20 of thework as we have it, and the glossary of St. Benedict Floriacensis citesthe passage 'sed video te totum in illa haerere, quae Troiae halosinostendit (Chapter 89), as from Book Fifteen. As there is no reason tosuppose that the chapters intervening between the end of the Cena(Chapter 79) and Chapter 89 are out of place, it follows that thispassage may have belonged to Book Sixteen, or even Seventeen, but that itcould not have belonged to Book Fifteen. From the interpolation ofFulgentius we may hazard the opinion that the beginning of the fragments, as we possess them (Chapters 1 to 26), form part of Book Fourteen. TheDinner of Trimalchio probably formed a complete book, fifteen, and thecontinuation of the adventures of Encolpius down to his meeting withEumolpus (end of Chapter 140) Book Sixteen. The discomfiture of Eumolpusshould have closed this book but not the entire work, as the exit of thetwo principal characters is not fixed at the time our fragments come toan end. The original work, then, would probably have exceeded Tom Jonesin length. 

II

THE AUTHOR. 

a--"Not often, " says Studer (Rheinisches Museum, 1843), "has there beenso much dispute about the author, the times, the character and thepurpose of a writing of antiquity as about the fragments of the Satyriconof Petronius. " The discovery and publication of the Trau manuscriptbrought about a literary controversy which has had few parallels, andwhich has not entirely died out to this day, although the bestauthorities ascribe the work to Caius Petronius, the Arbiter Elegantiarumat the court of Nero. "The question as to the date of the narrative ofthe adventures of Encolpius and his boon companions must be regarded assettled, " says Theodor Mommsen (Hermes, 1878); "this narrative isunsurpassed in originality and mastery of treatment among the writings ofRoman literature. Nor does anyone doubt the identity of its author andthe Arbiter Elegantiarum of Nero, whose end Tacitus relates. "

In any case, the author of this work, if it be the work of one brain, must have been a profound psychologist, a master of realism, anatural-born story teller, and a gentleman. 

b--His principal object in writing the work was to amuse but, in amusing, he also intended to pillory the aristocracy and his wit is as keen as thepoint of a rapier; but, when we bear in mind the fact that he was anancient, we will find that his cynicism is not cruel, in him there isnone of the malignity of Aristophanes; there is rather the attitude ofthe refined patrician who is always under the necessity of facing thosethings which he holds most in contempt, the supreme artist who suffersfrom the multitude of bill-boards, so to speak, who lashes the postersbut holds in pitying contempt those who know so little of true art thatthey mistake those posters for the genuine article. Niebuhr's estimateof his character is so just and free from prejudice, and proceeds froma mind which, in itself, was so pure and wholesome, that I will quote it:

"All great dramatic poets are endowed with the power of creating beingswho seem to act and speak with perfect independence, so that the poet isnothing more than the relator of what takes place. When Goethe hadconceived Faust and Margarete, Mephistopheles and Wagner, they moved andhad their being without any exercise of his will. But in the peculiarpower which Petronius exercises, in its application to every scene, toevery individual character, in everything, noble or mean, which heundertakes, I know of but one who is fully equal to the Roman, and thatis Diderot. Trimalchio and Agamemnon might have spoken for Petronius, and the nephew Rameau and the parson Papin for Diderot, in everycondition and on every occasion inexhaustibly, out of their own nature;just so the purest and noblest souls, whose kind was, after all, notentirely extinct in their day. 

"Diderot and a contemporary, related to him in spirit, Count GasparGozzi, are marked with the same cynicism which disfigures the Roman;their age, like his, had become shameless. But as the two former were intheir heart noble, upright, and benevolent men, and as in the writings ofDiderot genuine virtue and a tenderness unknown to his contemporariesbreathe, so the peculiarity of such a genius can, as it seems, be givento a noble and elevated being only. The deep contempt for prevailingimmorality which naturally leads to cynicism, and a heart which beats foreverything great and glorious, --virtues which then had no existence, --speak from the pages of the Roman in a language intelligible to everysusceptible heart. "

e--Beck, in his paper, "The Age of Petronius Arbiter, " concluded that theauthor lived and wrote between the years 6 A. D. And 34 A. D. , but heoverlooked the possibility that the author might have lived a few yearslater, written of conditions as they were in his own times, and yet laidthe action of his novel a few years before. Mommsen and Haley place thetime under Augustus, Buecheler, about 36-7 A. D. , and Friedlaender underNero. 

d--La Porte du Theil places the scene at Naples because of the fact thecity in which our heroes met Agamemnon must have been of someconsiderable size because neither Encolpius nor Asclytos could find theirway back to their inn, when once they had left it, because both weretired out from tramping around in search of it and because Giton had beenso impressed with this danger that he took the precaution to mark thepillars with chalk in order that they might not be lost a second time. The Gulf of Naples is the only bit of coastline which fits the needs ofthe novel, hence the city must be Naples. The fact that neither of thecharacters knew the city proves that they had been recent arrivals, andthis furnishes a clue, vague though it is, to what may have gone before. 

Haley, "Harvard Studies in Classical Philology, " vol. II, makes out avery strong case for Puteoli, and his theory of the old town and the newtown is as ingenious as it is able. Haley also has Trimalchio in hisfavor, as has also La Porte du Theil. "I saw the Sibyl at Cumae, " saysTrimalchio. Now if the scene of the dinner is actually at Cumae thissounds very peculiar; it might even be a gloss added by some copyistwhose knowledge was not equal to his industry. On the other hand, suppose Trimalchio is speaking of something so commonplace in hislocality that the second term has become a generic, then the difficultydisappears. We today, even though standing upon the very spot in Meloswhere the Venus was unearthed, would still refer to her as the Venus deMelos. Friedlaender, in bracketing Cumis, has not taken thissufficiently into consideration. Mommsen, in an excellent paper (Hermes, 1878), has laid the scene at Cumae. His logic is almost unanswerable, and the consensus of opinion is in favor of the latter town. 

III

REALISM. Realism, as we are concerned with it, may be defined as theliterary effect produced by the marshaling of details in their exactitudefor the purpose of bringing out character. The fact that they may beugly and vulgar the reverse, makes not the slightest difference. Themodern realist contemplates the inanimate things which surround us withpeculiar complaisance, and it is right that he should as these thingsexert upon us a constant and secret influence. The workings of the humanmind, in complex civilizations, are by no means simple; they are involvedand varied: our thoughts, our feelings, our wills, associate themselveswith an infinite number of sensations and images which play one upon theother, and which individualize, in some measure, every action we commit, and stamp it. The merit of our modern realists lies in the fact thatthey have studied the things which surround us and our relations to them, and thus have they been able to make their creations conform to humanexperience. The ancients gave little attention to this; the man, withthem, was the important thing; the environment the unimportant. Thereare, of course, exceptions; the interview between Ulysses and Nausiskaais probably the most striking. From the standpoint of environment, Petronius, in the greater portion of his work, is an ancient; but oneexception there is, and it is as brilliant as it is important. Theentire episode, in which Trimalchio figures, offers an incredibleabundance of details. The descriptions are exhaustive and minute, butthe author's prime purpose was not description, it was to bring out thecharacters, it was to pillory the Roman aristocracy, it was to amuse!Cicero, in his prosecution of Verres, had shown up this aristocracy inall its brutality and greed, it remained for the author of the Cena tohold its absurdity up to the light of day, to lash an extravagance which, though utterly unbridled, was yet unable to exhaust the lootedaccumulations of years of political double dealing and malfeasance inoffice. Trimalchio's introduction is a masterstroke, the porter at thedoor is another, the effect of the wine upon the women, their jealousylest either's husband should seem more liberal, their appraisal of eachother's jewelry, Scintilla's remark anent the finesse of Habinnas'servant in the mere matter of pandering, the blear-eyed and black-toothedslave, teasing a little bitch disgustingly fat, offering her pieces ofbread and when, from sheer inability, she refuses to eat, cramming itdown her throat, the effect of the alcohol upon Trimalchio, the littleold lady girded round with a filthy apron, wearing clogs which were notmates, dragging in a huge dog on a chain, the incomparable humor in thepassage in which Hesus, desperately seasick, sees that which makes himbelieve that even worse misfortunes are in store for him: these detailsare masterpieces of realism. The description of the night-prowlingshyster lawyer, whose forehead is covered with sebaceous wens, is thevery acme of propriety; our first meeting; with the poet Eumolpus is abeautiful study in background and perspective. Nineteen centuries havegone their way since this novel was written, but if we look about us wewill be able to recognize, under the veneer of civilization, theoriginals of the Satyricon and we will find that here, in a little cornerof the Roman world, all humanity was held in miniature. Petronius mustbe credited with the great merit of having introduced realism into thenovel. By an inspiration of genius, he saw that the framework offrivolous and licentious novels could be enlarged until it took incontemporary custom and environment. It is that which assures for himan eminent place, not in Roman literature alone, but in the literatureof the world. 

a--INFLUENCE OF THE SATYRICON UPON LITERATURE. The vagrant heroes ofPetronius are the originals from whom directly, or indirectly, laterauthors drew that inspiration which resulted in the great mass ofpicaresque fiction; but, great as this is, it is not to this that theSatyricon owes its powerful influence upon the literature of the world. It is to the author's recognition of the importance of environment, of the vital role of inanimate surroundings as a means for bringing outcharacter and imbuing his episodes and the actions of his characters withan air of reality and with those impulses and actions which are common tohuman experience, that his influence is due. By this, the Roman createda new style of writing and inaugurated a class of literature which waswithout parallel until the time of Apuleius and, in a lesser degree, ofLucian. This class of literature, though modified essentially from ageto age, in keeping with the dictates of moral purity or bigotry, innocentor otherwise, has come to be the very stuff of which literary success infiction is made. One may write a successful book without a thread ofromance; one cannot write a successful romance without some knowledge ofrealism; the more intimate the knowledge the better the book, and it isfrequently to this that the failure of a novel is due, although thecritic might be at a loss to explain it. Petronius lies behind TristramShandy, his influence can be detected in Smollett, and even Fielding paidtribute to him. 

IV

FORGERIES OF PETRONIUS. 

From the very nature of the writings of such an author as Petronius, itis evident that the gaps in the text would have a marked tendency tostimulate the curiosity of literary forgers and to tempt their sagacity, literary or otherwise. The recovery of the Trimalchionian episode, andthe subsequent pamphleteering would by no means eradicate this "cacoethesemendandi. "

When, circa 1650, the library of the unfortunate Nicolas Cippico yieldedup the Trau fragment, the news of this discovery spread far and wide andabout twelve years later, Statileo, in response to the repeated requestsof the Venetian ambassador, Pietro Basadonna, made with his own hand acopy of the MS. , which he sent to Basadonna. The ambassador, in turn, permitted this MS. To be printed by one Frambotti, a printer endowed withmore industry than critical acumen, and the resultant textual conflationhad much to do with the pamphlet war which followed. Had this Paduanprinter followed the explicit directions which he received, and printedexactly what was given him much good paper might have been saved and avery interesting chapter in the history of literary forgery wouldprobably never have been written. The pamphlet war did not die out untilBleau, in 1670-71, printed his exact reproduction of the Trau manuscriptand the corrections introduced by that licentiousness of emendation ofwhich we have spoken. 

In October, 1690, Francois Nodot, a French soldier of fortune, acommissary officer who combined belles lettres and philosophy with hisofficial duties, wrote to Charpentier, President of the Academy ofFrance, calling, his attention to a copy of a manuscript which he (Nodot)possessed, and which came into his hands in the following manner: oneDu Pin, a French officer detailed to service with Austria, had beenpresent at the sack of Belgrade in 1688. That this Du Pin had, whilethere, made the acquaintance of a certain Greek renegade, having, as amatter of fact, stayed in the house of this renegade. The Greek'sfather, a man of some learning, had by some means come into possession ofthe MS. , and Du Pin, in going through some of the books in the house, hadcome across it. He had experienced the utmost difficulty in decipheringthe letters, and finally, driven by curiosity, had retained a copyist andhad it copied out. That this Du Pin had this copy in his house atFrankfort, and that he had given Nodot to understand that if he (Nodot)came to Frankfort, he would be permitted to see this copy. Owing to theexigencies of military service, Nodot had been unable to go in person toFrankfort, and that he had therefore availed himself of the friendlyinterest and services of a certain merchant of Frankfort, who hadvolunteered to find an amanuensis, have a copy made, and send it toNodot. This was done, and Nodot concludes his letter to Charpentier byrequesting the latter to lay the result before the Academy and ask fortheir blessing and approval. These Nodotian Supplements were accepted asauthentic by the Academics of Arles and Nimes, as well as by Charpentier. In a short time, however, the voices of scholarly skeptics began to beheard in the land, and accurate and unbiased criticism laid bare thefraud. The Latinity was attacked and exception taken to Silver Ageprose in which was found a French police regulation which required newlyarrived travellers to register their names in the book of a policeofficer of an Italian village of the first century. Although they arestill retained in the text by some editors, this is done to give somemeasure of continuity to an otherwise interrupted narrative, but they canonly serve to distort the author and obscure whatever view of him thereader might otherwise have reached. They are generally printed betweenbrackets or in different type. 

In 1768 another and far abler forger saw the light of day. JoseMarchena, a Spaniard of Jewish extraction, was destined for anecclesiastical career. He received an excellent education which servedto fortify a natural bent toward languages and historical criticism. Inhis early youth he showed a marked preference for uncanonical pursuitsand heretical doctrines and before he had reached his thirtieth yearprudence counseled him to prevent the consequences of his heresy andavoid the too pressing Inquisition by a timely flight into France. He arrived there in time to throw himself into the fight for liberty, and in 1800 we find him at Basle attached to the staff of General Moreau. While there he is said to have amused himself and some of his cronies bywriting notes on what Davenport would have called "Forbidden Subjects, "and, as a means of publishing his erotic lucubrations, he constructedthis fragment, which brings in those topics on which he had enlarged. He translated the fragment into French, attached his notes, and issuedthe book. There is another story to the effect that he had beenreprimanded by Moreau for having written a loose song and that heexculpated himself by assuring the general that it was but a new fragmentof Petronius which he had translated. Two days later he had the fragmentready to prove his contention. 

This is the account given by his Spanish biographer. In his preface, dedicated to the Army of the Rhine, he states that he found the fragmentin a manuscript of the work of St. Gennadius on the Duties of Priests, probably of the XI Century. A close examination revealed the fact thatit was a palimpsest which, after treatment, permitted the restoration ofthis fragment. It is supposed to supply the gap in Chapter 26 after theword "verberabant. "

Its obscenity outrivals that of the preceding text, and the grammar, style, and curiosa felicitas Petroniana make it an almost perfectimitation. There is no internal evidence of forgery. If the text isclosely scrutinized it will be seen that it is composed of words andexpressions taken from various parts of the Satyricon, "and that in everyline it has exactly the Petronian turn of phrase. "

"Not only is the original edition unprocurable, " to quote again fromMr. Gaselee's invaluable bibliography, "but the reprint at Soleure(Brussels), 1865, consisted of only 120 copies, and is hard to find. The most accessible place for English readers is in Bohn's translation, in which, however, only the Latin text is given; and the notes were amost important part of the original work. "

These notes, humorously and perhaps sarcastically ascribed to Lallemand, Sanctae Theologiae Doctor, "are six in number (all on various forms ofvice); and show great knowledge, classical and sociological, of unsavorysubjects. Now that the book is too rare to do us any harm, we may admitthat the pastiche was not only highly amusing, but showed a perversecleverness amounting almost to genius. "

Marchena died at Madrid in great poverty in 1821. A contemporary hasdescribed him as being rather short and heavy set in figure, of greatfrontal development, and vain beyond belief. He considered himselfinvincible where women were concerned. He had a peculiar predilectionin the choice of animal pets and was an object of fear and curiosityto the towns people. His forgery might have been completely successfulhad he not acknowledged it himself within two or three years after thepublication of his brochure. The fragment will remain a permanenttribute to the excellence of his scholarship, but it is his Ode to ChristCrucified which has made him more generally known, and it is one of theironies of fate that caused this deformed giant of sarcasm to compose apoem of such tender and touching piety. 

Very little is known about Don Joe Antonio Gonzalez de Salas, whoseconnecting passages, with the exception of one which is irrelevant, arehere included. 

The learned editors of the Spanish encyclopedia naively preface theirbrief sketch with the following assertion: "no tenemos noticias de suvida. " De Salas was born in 1588 and died in 1654. His edition ofPetronius was first issued in 1629 and re-issued in 1643 with a copperplate of the Editor. The Paris edition, from which he says he suppliedcertain deficiencies in the text, is unknown to bibliographers and issupposed to be fictitious. 

To distinguish the spurious passages, as a point of interest, in thepresent edition, the forgeries of Nodot are printed within roundbrackets, the forgery of Marchena within square brackets, and theadditions of De Salas in italics {In this PG etext in curly brackets}. 

The work is also accompanied by a translation of the six notes, thecomposition of which led Marchena to forge the fragment which firstappeared in the year 1800. These have never before been translated. 

Thanks are due Ralph Straus, Esq. , and Professor Stephen Gaselee. 

 THE SATYRICON OF PETRONIUS ARBITER

BRACKET CODE: (Forgeries of Nodot) [Forgeries of Marchena] {Additions of De Salas} DW

VOLUME 1. --ADVENTURES OF ENCOLPIUS AND HIS COMPANIONS

CHAPTER THE FIRST. 

(It has been so long; since I promised you the story of my adventures, that I have decided to make good my word today; and, seeing that we havethus fortunately met, not to discuss scientific matters alone, but alsoto enliven our jolly conversation with witty stories. Fabricius Veientohas already spoken very cleverly on the errors committed in the name ofreligion, and shown how priests, animated by an hypocritical mania forprophecy, boldly expound mysteries which are too often such tothemselves. But) are our rhetoricians tormented by another species ofFuries when they cry, "I received these wounds while fighting for thepublic liberty; I lost this eye in your defense: give me a guide who willlead me to my children, my limbs are hamstrung and will not hold me up!"Even these heroics could be endured if they made easier the road toeloquence; but as it is, their sole gain from this ferment of matter andempty discord of words is, that when they step into the Forum, they thinkthey have been carried into another world. And it is my conviction thatthe schools are responsible for the gross foolishness of our young men, because, in them, they see or hear nothing at all of the affairs ofevery-day life, but only pirates standing in chains upon the shore, tyrants scribbling edicts in which sons are ordered to behead their ownfathers; responses from oracles, delivered in time of pestilence, ordering the immolation of three or more virgins; every word a honieddrop, every period sprinkled with poppy-seed and sesame. 

CHAPTER THE SECOND. 

Those who are brought up on such a diet can no more attain to wisdom thana kitchen scullion can attain to a keen sense of smell or avoid stinkingof the grease. With your indulgence, I will speak out: you--teachers--are chiefly responsible for the decay of oratory. With your wellmodulated and empty tones you have so labored for rhetorical effect thatthe body of your speech has lost its vigor and died. Young men did notlearn set speeches in the days when Sophocles and Euripides weresearching for words in which to express themselves. In the days whenPindar and the nine lyric poets feared to attempt Homeric verse there wasno private tutor to stifle budding genius. I need not cite the poets forevidence, for I do not find that either Plato or Demosthenes was givento this kind of exercise. A dignified and, if I may say it, a chaste, style, is neither elaborate nor loaded with ornament; it rises supreme byits own natural purity. This windy and high-sounding bombast, a recentimmigrant to Athens, from Asia, touched with its breath the aspiringminds of youth, with the effect of some pestilential planet, and as soonas the tradition of the past was broken, eloquence halted and wasstricken dumb. Since that, who has attained to the sublimity ofThucydides, who rivalled the fame of Hyperides? Not a single poemhas glowed with a healthy color, but all of them, as though nourishedon the same diet, lacked the strength to live to old age. Paintingalso suffered the same fate when the presumption of the Egyptians"commercialized" that incomparable art. (I was holding forth along theselines one day, when Agamemnon came up to us and scanned with a curiouseye a person to whom the audience was listening so closely. )

CHAPTER THE THIRD. 

He would not permit me to declaim longer in the portico than he himselfhad sweat in the school, but exclaimed, "Your sentiments do not reflectthe public taste, young man, and you are a lover of common sense, whichis still more unusual. For that reason, I will not deceive you as to thesecrets of my profession. The teachers, who must gibber with lunatics, are by no means to blame for these exercises. Unless they spoke inaccordance with the dictates of their young pupils, they would, as Ciceroremarks, be left alone in the schools! And, as designing parasites, whenthey seek invitations to the tables of the rich, have in mind nothingexcept what will, in their opinion, be most acceptable to their audience--for in no other way can they secure their ends, save by setting snaresfor the ears--so it is with the teachers of rhetoric, they might becompared with the fisherman, who, unless he baits his hook with what heknows is most appetizing to the little fish, may wait all day upon somerock, without the hope of a catch. "

CHAPTER THE FOURTH. 

What, then, is there to do? The parents who are unwilling to permittheir children to undergo a course of training under strict discipline, are the ones who deserve the reproof. In the first place, everythingthey possess, including the children, is devoted to ambition. Then, thattheir wishes may the more quickly be realized, they drive these unripescholars into the forum, and the profession of eloquence, than which noneis considered nobler, devolves upon boys who are still in the act ofbeing born! If, however, they would permit a graded course of study tobe prescribed, in order that studious boys might ripen their minds bydiligent reading; balance their judgment by precepts of wisdom, correcttheir compositions with an unsparing pen, hear at length what they oughtto imitate, and be convinced that nothing can be sublime when it isdesigned to catch the fancy of boys, then the grand style of oratorywould immediately recover the weight and splendor of its majesty. Nowthe boys play in the schools, the young men are laughed at in the forum, and, a worse symptom than either, no one, in his old age, will confessthe errors he was taught in his school days. But that you may notimagine that I disapprove of a jingle in the Lucilian manner, I willdeliver my opinions in verse, --

CHAPTER THE FIFTH. 

 "The man who emerges with fame, from the school of stern art, Whose mind gropes for lofty ideals, to bring them to light, Must first, under rigid frugality, study his part;

 Nor yearn for the courts of proud princes who frown in their might:

 Nor scheme with the riff-raf, a client in order to dine, Nor can he with evil companions his wit drown in wine

 Nor sit, as a hireling, applauding an actor's grimace. 

 But, whether the fortress of arms-bearing Tritonis smile

 Upon him, or land which the Spartan colonials grace, Or home of the sirens, with poetry let him beguile

 The years of young manhood, and at the Maeonian spring

 His fortunate soul drink its fill: Then, when later, the lore

 Of Socrates' school he has mastered, the reins let him fling, And brandish the weapons that mighty Demosthenes bore. 

 Then, steeped in the culture and music of Greece, let his taste

 Be ripened and mellowed by all the great writers of Rome. 

 At first, let him haunt not the courts; let his pages be graced

 By ringing and rhythmic effusions composed in his home

 Next, banquets and wars be his theme, sung in soul-stirring chant, In eloquent words such as undaunted Cicero chose. 

 Come! Gird up thy soul! Inspiration will then force a vent

 And rush in a flood from a heart that is loved by the muse!"

CHAPTER THE SIXTH. 

I was listening so attentively to this speech that I did not notice theflight of Ascyltos, and while I was pacing the gardens, engulfed in thisflood-tide of rhetoric, a large crowd of students came out upon theportico, having, it would seem, just listened to an extemporaneousdeclamation, of I know not whom, the speaker of which had takenexceptions to the speech of Agamemnon. While, therefore, the young menwere making fun of the sentiments of this last speaker, and criticizingthe arrangement of the whole speech, I seized the opportunity and wentafter Ascyltos, on the run; but, as I neither held strictly to the road, nor knew where the inn was located, wherever I went, I kept coming backto the same place, until, worn out with running, and long since drippingwith sweat, I approached a certain little old woman who sold countryvegetables. 

CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. 

"Please, mother, " I wheedled, "you don't know where I lodge, do you?"Delighted with such humorous affability, "What's the reason I don't" shereplied, and getting upon her feet, she commenced to walk ahead of me. Itook her for a prophetess until, when presently we came to a more obscurequarter, the affable old lady pushed aside a crazy-quilt and remarked, "Here's where you ought to live, " and when I denied that I recognized thehouse, I saw some men prowling stealthily between the rows of name-boardsand naked prostitutes. Too late I realized that I had been led into abrothel. After cursing the wiles of the little old hag, I covered myhead and commenced to run through the middle of the night-house to theexit opposite, when, lo and behold! whom should I meet on the verythreshold but Ascyltos himself, as tired as I was, and almost dead; youwould have thought that he had been brought by the self-same little oldhag! I smiled at that, greeted him cordially, and asked him what he wasdoing in such a scandalous place. 

CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. 

Wiping away the sweat with his hands, he replied, "If you only knew whatI have gone through!" "What was it?" I demanded. "A most respectablelooking person came up to me, " he made reply, "while I was wandering allover the town and could not find where I had left my inn, and verygraciously offered to guide me. He led me through some very dark andcrooked alleys, to this place, pulled out his tool, and commenced to begme to comply with his appetite. A whore had already vacated her cell foran as, and he had laid hands upon me, and, but for the fact that I wasthe stronger, I would have been compelled to take my medicine. " (WhileAscyltos was telling me of his bad luck, who should come up again butthis same very respectable looking person, in company with a woman not atall bad looking, and, looking at Ascyltos, he requested him to enter thehouse, assuring him that there was nothing to fear, and, since he wasunwilling to take the passive part, he should have the active. Thewoman, on her part, urged me very persistently to accompany her, so wefollowed the couple, at last, and were conducted between the rows ofname-boards, where we saw, in cells, many persons of each sex amusingthemselves in such a manner) that it seemed to me that every one of themmust have been drinking satyrion. (On catching sight of us, theyattempted to seduce us with paederastic wantonness, and one wretch, withhis clothes girded up, assaulted Ascyltos, and, having thrown him downupon a couch, attempted to gore him from above. I succored the suffererimmediately, however, ) and having joined forces, we defied thetroublesome wretch. (Ascyltos ran out of the house and took to hisheels, leaving me as the object of their lewd attacks, but the crowd, finding me the stronger in body and purpose, let me go unharmed. )

CHAPTER THE NINTH. 

(After having tramped nearly all over the city, ) I caught sight of Giton, as though through a fog, standing at the end of the street, (on the verythreshold of the inn, ) and I hastened to the same place. When I inquiredwhether my "brother" had prepared anything for breakfast, the boy satdown upon the bed and wiped away the trickling tears with his thumb. I was greatly disturbed by such conduct on the part of my "brother, " anddemanded to be told what had happened. After I had mingled threats withentreaties, he answered slowly and against his will, "That brother orcomrade of yours rushed into the room a little while ago and commenced toattempt my virtue by force. When I screamed, he pulled out his tool andgritted out--If you're a Lucretia, you've found your Tarquin!" When Iheard this, I shook my fists in Ascyltos' face, "What have you to say foryourself, " I snarled, "you rutting pathic harlot, whose very breath isinfected?" Ascyltos pretended to bristle up and, shaking his fists moreboldly still, he roared: "Won't you keep quiet, you filthy gladiator, youwho escaped from the criminal's cage in the amphitheatre to which youwere condemned (for the murder of your host?) Won't you hold yourtongue, you nocturnal assassin, who, even when you swived it bravely, never entered the lists with a decent woman in your life? Was I not a'brother' to you in the pleasure-garden, in the same sense as that inwhich this boy now is in this lodging-house?" "You sneaked away from themaster's lecture, " I objected. 

CHAPTER THE TENTH. "What should I have done, you triple fool, when I wasdying of hunger? I suppose I should have listened to opinions as much tothe purpose as the tinkle of broken glass or the interpretation ofdreams. By Hercules, you are much more deserving of censure than I, youwho will flatter a poet so as to get an invitation to dinner!" Then welaughed ourselves out of a most disgraceful quarrel, and approached morepeaceably whatever remained to be done. But the remembrance of thatinjury recurred to my mind and, "Ascyltos, " I said, "I know we shall notbe able to agree, so let us divide our little packs of common stock andtry to defeat our poverty by our individual efforts. Both you and I knowletters, but that I may not stand in the way of any undertaking of yours, I will take up some other profession. Otherwise, a thousand trifles willbring us into daily collision and furnish cause for gossip through thewhole town. " Ascyltos made no objection to this, but merely remarked, "As we, in our capacity of scholars, have accepted an invitation todinner, for this date, let us not lose our night. Since it seems to bethe graceful thing to do, I will look out for another lodging and another'brother, ' tomorrow. " "Deferred pleasures are a long time coming, "I sighed. It was lust that made this separation so hasty, for I had, fora long time, wished to be rid of a troublesome chaperon, so that I couldresume my old relations with my Giton. (Bearing this affront withdifficulty, Ascyltos rushed from the room, without uttering a word. Such a headlong outburst augured badly, for I well knew his ungovernabletemper and his unbridled passion. On this account, I followed him out, desirous of fathoming his designs and of preventing their consequences, but he hid himself skillfully from my eyes, and all in vain, I searchedfor him for a long time. )

CHAPTER THE ELEVENTH. 

After having had the whole town under my eyes, I returned to the littleroom and, having claimed the kisses which were mine in good faith, Iencircled the boy in the closest of embraces and enjoyed the effect ofour happy vows to a point that might be envied. Nor had all theceremonies been completed, when Ascyltos stole stealthily up to theoutside of the door and, violently wrenching off the bars, burst in uponme, toying with my "brother. " He filled the little room with hislaughter and hand-clapping, pulled away the cloak which covered us, "Whatare you up to now, most sanctimonious 'brother'?" he jeered. "What'sgoing on here, a blanket-wedding?" Nor did he confine himself to words, but, pulling the strap off his bag, he began to lash me very thoroughly, interjecting sarcasms the while, "This is the way you would share withyour comrade, is it!" (The unexpectedness of the thing compelled me toendure the blows in silence and to put up with the abuse, so I smiled atmy calamity, and very prudently, too, as otherwise I should have been putto the necessity of fighting with a rival. My pretended good humorsoothed his anger, and at last, Ascyltos smiled as well. "See here, Encolpius, " he said, "are you so engrossed with your debaucheries thatyou do not realize that our money is gone, and that what we have left isof no value? In the summer, times are bad in the city. The country isluckier, let's go and visit our friends. " Necessity compelled theapproval of this plan, and the repression of any sense of injury as well, so, loading Giton with our packs, we left the city and hastened to thecountry-seat of Lycurgus, a Roman knight. Inasmuch as Ascyltos hasformerly served him in the capacity of "brother, " he received us royally, and the company there assembled, rendered our stay still more delightful. In the first place, there was Tryphaena, a most beautiful woman, who hadcome in company with Lycas, the master of a vessel and owner of estatesnear the seashore. Although Lycurgus kept a frugal table, the pleasureswe enjoyed in this most enchanting spot cannot be described in words. Of course you know that Venus joined us all up, as quickly as possible. The lovely Tryphaena pleased my taste, and listened willingly to my vows, but hardly had I had time to enjoy her favors when Lycas, in a toweringrage because his preserves had been secretly invaded, demanded that Iindemnify him in her stead. She was an old flame of his, so he broachedthe subject of a mutual exchange of favors. Burning with lust, hepressed his suit, but Tryphaena possessed my heart, and I said Lycas nay. By refusal, however, he was only made more ardent, followed meeverywhere, entered my room at night, and, after his entreaties had metwith contempt, he had recourse to violence against me, at which I yelledso lustily that I aroused the entire household, and, by the help ofLycurgus, I was delivered from the troublesome assault and escaped. Atlast, perceiving that the house of Lycurgus was not suitable to theprosecution of his design, he attempted to persuade me to seek hishospitality, and when his suggestion was refused, he made use ofTryphaena's influence over me. She besought me to comply with Lycas'desires, and she did this all the more readily as by that she hoped togain more liberty of action. With affairs in this posture, I follow mylove, but Lycurgus, who had renewed his old relations with Ascyltos, would not permit him to leave, so it was decided that he should remainwith Lycurgus, but that we would accompany Lycas. Nevertheless, we hadit understood among ourselves that whenever the opportunity presenteditself, we would each pilfer whatever we could lay hands upon, for thebetterment of the common stock. Lycas was highly delighted with myacceptance of his invitation and hastened our departure, so, bidding ourfriends good-bye, we arrived at his place on the very same day. Lycashad so arranged matters that, on the journey, he sat beside me, whileTryphaena was next to Giton, the reason for this being his knowledgeof the woman's notorious inconstancy; nor was he deceived, for sheimmediately fell in love with the boy, and I easily perceived it. In addition, Lycas took the trouble of calling my attention to thesituation, and laid stress upon the truth of what we saw. On thisaccount, I received his advances more graciously, at which he wasoverjoyed. He was certain that contempt would be engendered from theinconstancy of my "sister, " with the result that, being piqued atTryphaena, I would all the more freely receive his advances. Now thiswas the state of affairs at the house of Lycas, Tryphaena was desperatelyin love with Giton, Giton's whole soul was aflame for her, neither ofthem was a pleasing sight to my eyes, and Lycas, studying to please me, arranged novel entertainments each day, which Doris, his lovely wife, seconded to the best of her ability, and so gracefully that she soonexpelled Tryphaena from my heart. A wink of the eye acquainted Doris ofmy passion, a coquettish glance informed me of the state of her heart, and this silent language, anticipating the office of the tongue, secretlyexpressed that longing of our souls which we had both experienced at thesame instant. The jealousy of Lycas, already well known to me, was thecause of my silence, but love itself revealed to the wife the designswhich Lycas had upon me. At our first opportunity of exchangingconfidences, she revealed to me what she had discovered and I candidlyconfessed, telling her of the coldness with which I had always met hisadvances. The far-sighted woman remarked that it would be necessary forus to use our wits. It turned out that her advice was sound, for I soonfound out that complacency to the one meant possession of the other. Giton, in the meantime, was recruiting his exhausted strength, andTryphaena turned her attention to me, but, meeting with a repulse, sheflounced out in a rage. The next thing this burning harlot did was todiscover my commerce with both husband and wife. As for his wantonnesswith me, she flung that aside, as by it she lost nothing, but she fellupon the secret gratifications of Doris and made them known to Lycas, who, his jealousy proving stronger than his lust, took steps to getrevenge. Doris, however, forewarned by Tryphaena's maid, looked outfor squalls and held aloof from any secret assignations. When I becameaware of all this, I heartily cursed the perfidy of Tryphaena and theungrateful soul of Lycas, and made up my mind to be gone. Fortunefavored me, as it turned out, for a vessel sacred to Isis and laden withprize-money had, only the day before, run upon the rocks in the vicinity. After holding a consultation with Giton, at which he gladly gave consentto my plan, as Tryphaena visibly neglected him after having sapped hisvirility, we hastened to the sea-shore early on the following morning, and boarded the wreck, a thing easy of accomplishment as the watchmen, who were in the pay of Lycas, knew us well. But they were so attentiveto us that there was no opportunity of stealing a thing until, havingleft Giton with them, I craftily slipped out of sight and sneaked aftwhere the statue of Isis stood, and despoiled it of a valuable mantle anda silver sistrum. From the master's cabin, I also pilfered othervaluable trifles and, stealthily sliding down a rope, went ashore. Gitonwas the only one who saw me and he evaded the watchmen and slipped awayafter me. I showed him the plunder, when he joined me, and we decidedto post with all speed to Ascyltos, but we did not arrive at the home ofLycurgus until the following day. In a few words I told Ascyltos of therobbery, when he joined us, and of our unfortunate love-affairs as well. He was for prepossessing the mind of Lycurgus in our favor, naming theincreasing wantonness of Lycas as the cause of our secret and suddenchange of habitation. When Lycurgus had heard everything, he sworethat he would always be a tower of strength between us and our enemies. Until Tryphaena and Doris were awake and out of bed, our flight remainedundiscovered, for we paid them the homage of a daily attendance at themorning toilette. When our unwonted absence was noted, Lycas sent outrunners to comb the sea-shore, for he suspected that we had been to thewreck, but he was still unaware of the robbery, which was yet unknownbecause the stern of the wreck was lying away from the beach, and themaster had not, as yet, gone back aboard. Lycas flew into a toweringrage when our flight was established for certain, and railed bitterly atDoris, whom he considered as the moving factor in it. Of the hard wordsand the beating he gave her I will say nothing, for the particulars arenot known to me, but I will affirm that Tryphaena, who was the sole causeof the unpleasantness, persuaded Lycas to hunt for his fugitives in thehouse of Lycurgus, which was our most probable sanctuary. Shevolunteered to accompany him in person, so that she could load us withthe abuse which we deserved at her hands. They set out on the followingday and arrived at the estate of Lycurgus, but we were not there, for hehad taken us to a neighboring town to attend the feast of Hercules, whichwas there being celebrated. As soon as they found out about this, theyhastened to take to the road and ran right into us in the portico of thetemple. At sight of them, we were greatly put out, and Lycas held forthviolently to Lycurgus, upon the subject of our flight, but he was metwith raised eyebrows and such a scowling forehead that I plucked upcourage and, in a loud voice, passed judgment upon his lewd and baseattempts and assaults upon me, not in the house of Lycurgus alone, buteven under his own roof: and as for the meddling Tryphaena, she receivedher just deserts, for, at great length, I described her moral turpitudeto the crowd, our altercation had caused a mob to collect, and, to giveweight to my argument, I pointed to limber-hamed Giton, drained dry, asit were, and to myself, reduced almost to skin and bones by the raginglust of that nymphomaniac harlot. So humiliated were our enemies by theguffaws of the mob, that in gloomy ill-humor they beat a retreat to plotrevenge. As they perceived that we had prepossessed the mind of Lycurgusin our favor, they decided to await his return, at his estate, in orderthat they might wean him away from his misapprehension. As thesolemnities did not draw to a close until late at night, we could notreach Lycurgus' country place, so he conducted us to a villa of his, situated near the halfway point of the journey, and, leaving us to sleepthere until the next day, he set off for his estate for the purpose oftransacting some business. Upon his arrival, he found Lycas andTryphaena awaiting him, and they stated their case so diplomatically thatthey prevailed upon him to deliver us into their hands. Lycurgus, cruelby nature and incapable of keeping his word, was by this time striving tohit upon the best method of betraying us, and to that end, he persuadedLycas to go for help, while he himself returned to the villa and had usput under guard. To the villa he came, and greeted us with a scowl asblack as any Lycas himself had ever achieved, clenching his fists againand again, he charged us with having lied about Lycas, and, turningAscyltos out, he gave orders that we were to be kept confined to the roomin which we had retired to rest. Nor would he hear a word in ourdefense, from Ascyltos, but, taking the latter with him, he returned tohis estate, reiterating his orders relative to our confinement, which wasto last until his return. On the way back, Ascyltos vainly essayed tobreak down Lycurgus' determination, but neither prayers nor caresses, noreven tears could move him. Thereupon my "brother" conceived the designof freeing us from our chains, and, antagonized by the stubbornness ofLycurgus, he positively refused to sleep with him, and through this hewas in a better position to carry out the plan which he had thought out. When the entire household was buried in its first sleep, Ascyltos loadedour little packs upon his back and slipped out through a breach in thewall, which he had previously noted, arriving at the villa with the dawn. He gained entrance without opposition and found his way to our room, which the guards had taken the precaution to bar. It was easy to forcean entrance, as the fastening was made of wood, which same he pried offwith a piece of iron. The fall of the lock roused us, for we weresnoring away, in spite of our unfortunate situation. On account of thelong vigil, the guard was in such a deep sleep that we alone were wakenedby the crashing fall of the lock, and Ascyltos, coming in, told us in afew words what he had done for us; but as far as that goes, not many werenecessary. We were hurriedly dressing, when I was seized with the notionof killing the guard and stripping the place. This plan I confided toAscyltos, who approved of the looting, but pointed out a more desirablesolution without bloodshed: knowing all the crooks and turns, as he did, he led us to a store-room which he opened. We gathered up all that wasof value and sallied forth while it was yet early in the morning. Shunning the public roads; we could not rest until we believed ourselvessafe from pursuit. Ascyltos, when he had caught his breath, gloatinglyexulted of the pleasure which the looting of a villa belonging toLycurgus, a superlatively avaricious man, afforded him: he complained, with justice of his parsimony, affirming that he himself had received noreward for his k-nightly services, that he had been kept at a dry tableand on a skimpy ration of food. This Lycurgus was so stingy that hedenied himself even the necessities of life, his immense wealth to thecontrary notwithstanding. )

 The tortured Tantalus still stands, to parch in his shifting pool, And starve, when fruit sways just beyond his grasp:

 The image of the miser rich, when his avaricious soul

 Robs him of food and drink, in Plenty's clasp. 

(Ascyltos was for going to Naples that same day, but I protested theimprudence of going to any place where they would be on the lookout forus. "Let's absent ourselves, for a while, and travel in the country. Weare well supplied with means. " This advice took his fancy and we set outfor a part of the country noted for the beauty of its estates, and wherenot a few of our acquaintances were enjoying the sports of the season. Scarcely had we covered half the distance, however, before it began topour down rain by the bucketful, compelling us to run for the nearestvillage. Upon entering the inn, we noticed many other wayfarers, who hadput up there to escape the storm. The jam prevented our being watched, and at the same time made it easier for us to pry about with curiouseyes, on the alert for something to appropriate. Ascyltos, unseen byanyone, picked up off the ground a little pouch in which he found somegold pieces. We were overjoyed with this auspicious beginning, but, fearing that some one would miss the gold, we stealthily slipped out bythe back door. A slave, who was saddling a horse in the courtyard, suddenly left his work and went into the house, as if he had forgottensomething, and while he was gone I appropriated a superb mantle which wastied fast to the saddle, by untying the thongs, then, utilizing a row ofoutbuildings for cover, we made off into the nearest wood. When we hadreached the depths of the grove, where we were in safety, we thoroughlydiscussed the surest method of secreting our gold, so that we wouldneither be accused of robbery nor robbed ourselves, and we finallydecided to sew it into the hem of a ragged tunic, which I threw over myshoulders, after having turned the mantle over to Ascyltos forsafekeeping; we then made ready to start for the city via theunfrequented roads. We were just about to emerge from the shelter ofthe wood when we heard, from somewhere on our left, "They can't get away, they came into this wood; let's spread out and beat, and they will easilybe caught!" On hearing this, we were thrown into such a terrible frightthat Ascyltos and Giton dashed away city-ward, through the underbrush, and I retreated in such a hurry that the precious tunic slipped off myshoulders without my knowing it. At last, completely fagged out, andunable to take another step, I lay down under a tree, and there I firstbecame aware of the loss of the tunic. Chagrin restored my strength andI leaped to my feet to look for the treasure, and for a long time I beataround in vain. Worn out with work and vexation, I forced my way intothe thickest part of the grove and remained there for four mortal hours, but at last, bored to extinction by the horrible solitude, I sought a wayout. As I went ahead, I caught sight of a peasant; then I had need ofall my nerve, and it did not fail me. Marching boldly up to him, I askedmy way to the city, complaining that I had been lost in the wood forseveral hours. Seeing my condition, he took pity upon me, for I wascovered with mud and paler than death, and asked me whether I had seenanyone in the place. "Not a soul, " I replied, whereupon he kindlyconducted me to the high road, where he met two of his companions, whoinformed him that they had beaten along every path in the forest withouthaving found anything except a tunic, which they showed him. As may bereadily supposed, I did not have the audacity to claim it, though wellaware of its value, and my chagrin became almost insupportable as Ivented many a groaning curse over my lost treasure. The peasants paidno attention to me, and I was gradually left behind, as my weaknessincreased my pace decreased. For this reason, it was late when I reachedthe city, and, entering the inn, beheld Ascyltos, stretched out, halfdead, upon a cot. Too far gone to utter a single syllable, I threwmyself upon another. Ascyltos became greatly excited at not seeing thetunic which he had entrusted to me, demanding it insistently, but I wasso weak that my voice refused its office and I permitted the apathy of myeyes to answer his demand, then, by and by, regaining my strength littleby little, I related the whole affair to Ascyltos, in every detail. Hethought that I was joking, and although my testimony was fortified by acopious flood of tears, it could easily be seen that he remainedunconvinced, believing that I wanted to cheat him out of the gold. Giton, who was standing by during all this, was as downcast as myself, and the suffering of the lad only served to increase my own vexation, butthe thing which bothered me most of all, was the painstaking search whichwas being made for us; I told Ascyltos of this, but he only laughed itoff, as he had so happily extricated himself from the scrape. He wasconvinced that, as we were unknown and as no one had seen us, we wereperfectly safe. We decided, nevertheless, to feign sickness, and to keepto our room as long as possible; but, before we knew it, our money ranout, and spurred by necessity we were forced to go abroad and sell someof our plunder. )

CHAPTER THE TWELFTH. 

Twilight was falling, as we entered the market-place, in which we noticeda quantity of things for sale, not any of much value, it is true, butsuch as could be disposed of to the best advantage when the semi-darknesswould serve to hide their doubtful origin. As we had brought our stolenmantle, we proceeded to make use of so favorable an opportunity, and, ina secluded spot, displayed a corner of it, hoping the splendid garmentwould attract some purchaser. Nor was it long before a certain peasant, whose face was familiar to my eyes, came up, accompanied by a youngwoman, and began to examine the garment very closely. Ascyltos, in turn, cast a glance at the shoulders of our rustic customer, and was instantlystruck dumb with astonishment. Nor could I myself look upon this manwithout some emotion, for he seemed to be the identical person who hadpicked up the ragged tunic in the lonely wood, and, as a matter of fact, he was! Ascyltos, afraid to believe the evidence of his own eyes forfear of doing something rash, approached the man, as a prospective buyer, took the hem of the tunic from the rustic's shoulders, and felt itthoroughly. 

CHAPTER THE THIRTEENTH. 

Oh wonderful stroke of Fortune! The peasant had not yet laid hismeddling hands upon the seams, but was scornfully offering the thing forsale, as though it had been the leavings of some beggar. When Ascyltoshad assured himself that the hoard was intact, and had taken note of thesocial status of the seller, he led me a little aside from the crowd andsaid, "Do you know, 'brother, ' that the treasure about which I was soworked up has come back to us? That is the little tunic, and it seemsthat the gold pieces are still untouched. What ought we to do, and howshall we make good our claim?" I was overjoyed, not so much at seeingour booty, as I was for the reason that Fortune had released me from avery ugly suspicion. I was opposed to doing anything by devious methods, thinking that should he prove unwilling to restore to the proper owner anarticle not his own, it ought to come to a civil action and a judgmentsecured. 

CHAPTER THE FOURTEENTH. 

Not so Ascyltos, who was afraid of the law, and demurred, "Who knows ushere? Who will place any credence in anything we say? It seems to methat it would be better to buy, ours though it is, and we know it, andrecover the treasure at small cost, rather than to engage in a doubtfullawsuit. "

 Of what avail are any laws, where money rules alone, Where Poverty can never win its cases?

 Detractors of the times, who bear the Cynic's scrip, are known

 To often sell the truth, and keep their faces!

 So Justice is at public auction bought, The knight gives judgement as Gold says he ought. 

But, with the exception of a two-as piece with which we had intendedpurchasing peas and lupines, there was nothing to hand; so, for fear ourloot should escape us in the interim, we resolved to appraise the mantleat less, and, through a small sacrifice, secure a greater profit. Accordingly, we spread it out, and the young woman of the covered head, who was standing by the peasant's side, narrowly inspected the markings, seized the hem with both hands, and screamed "Thieves!" at the top of hervoice. We were greatly disconcerted at this and, for fear thatinactivity on our part should seem to lend color to her charges, welaid hold of the dirty ragged tunic, in our turn, and shouted with equalspite, that this was our property which they had in their possession; butour cases were by no means on an equality, and the hucksters who hadcrowded around us at the uproar, laughed at our spiteful claim, and verynaturally, too, since one side laid claim to a very valuable mantle, while the other demanded a rag which was not worth a good patch. 

CHAPTER THE FIFTEENTH. 

Ascyltos, when he had secured silence, adroitly put a stop to theirlaughter by exclaiming, "We can see that each puts the greater value uponhis own property. Let them return our tunic to us, and take back theirmantle!" This exchange was satisfactory enough to the peasant and theyoung woman, but some night-prowling shyster lawyers, who wished to getpossession of the mantle for their own profit, demanded that botharticles be deposited with them, and the judge could look into the caseon the morrow, for it would appear that the ownership of the articles wasnot so much to the point as was the suspicion of robbery that attachedto both sides. The question of sequestration arose, and one of thehucksters, I do not remember which, but he was bald, and his forehead wascovered with sebaceous wens, and he sometimes did odd jobs for thelawyers, seized the mantle and vowed that HE would see to it that it wasproduced at the proper time and place, but it was easily apparent that hedesired nothing but that the garment should be deposited with thieves, and vanish; thinking that we would be afraid to appear as claimants forfear of being charged with crime. As far as we were concerned, we wereas willing as he, and Fortune aided the cause of each of us, for thepeasant, infuriated at our demand that his rags be shown in public, threwthe tunic in Ascyltos' face, released us from responsibility, anddemanded that the mantle, which was the only object of litigation, besequestered. As we thought we had recovered our treasure, we returnedhurriedly to the inn, and fastening the door, we had a good laugh at theshrewdness of the hucksters, and not less so at that of our enemies, forby it they had returned our money to us. (While we were unstitching thetunic to get at the gold pieces, we overheard some one quizzing theinnkeeper as to what kind of people those were, who had just entered hishouse. Alarmed at this inquiry, I went down, when the questioner hadgone, to find out what was the matter, and learned that the praetor'slictor, whose duty it was to see that the names of strangers were enteredin his rolls, had seen two people come into the inn, whose names were notyet entered, and that was the reason he had made inquiry as to theirnames and means of support. Mine host furnished this information in suchan offhand manner that I became suspicious as to our entire safety in hishouse; so, in order to avoid arrest, we decided to go out, and not toreturn home until after dark, and we sallied forth, leaving themanagement of dinner to Giton. As it suited our purpose to avoid thepublic streets, we strolled through the more unfrequented parts of thecity, and just at dusk we met two women in stolas, in a lonely spot, andthey were by no means homely. Walking softly, we followed them to atemple which they entered, and from which we could hear a curioushumming, which resembled the sound of voices issuing from the depths of acavern. Curiosity impelled us also to enter the temple. There we caughtsight of many women, who resembled Bacchantes, each of whom brandished inher right hand an emblem of Priapus. We were not permitted to see more, for as their eyes fell upon us, they raised such a hubbub that the vaultof the temple trembled. They attempted to lay hands upon us, but we ranback to our inn as fast as we could go. )

CHAPTER THE SIXTEENTH. 

We had just disposed of the supper prepared by Giton, when there came atimid rapping at the door. We turned pale. "Who is there?" we asked. "Open and you will find out, " came the answer. While we were speaking, the bar fell down of its own accord, the doors flew open and admitted ourvisitor. She was the selfsame young lady of the covered head who had buta little while before stood by the peasant's side. "So you thought, "said she, "that you could make a fool of me, did you? I am Quartilla'shandmaid: Quartilla, whose rites you interrupted in the shrine. She hascome to the inn, in person, and begs permission to speak with you. Don'tbe alarmed! She neither blames your mistake nor does she demandpunishment; on the contrary, she wonders what god has brought suchwell-bred young gentlemen into her neighborhood!"

CHAPTER THE SEVENTEENTH. 

We were still holding our tongues and refraining from any expression ofopinion, when the lady herself entered the room, attended by a littlegirl. Seating herself upon the bed, she wept for a long time. Not eventhen did we interject a single word, but waited, all attention, for whatwas to follow these well ordered tears and this show of grief. When thediplomatic thunderstorm had passed over, she withdrew her haughty headfrom her mantle and, ringing her hands until the joints cracked, "What isthe meaning of such audacity?" she demanded; "where did you learn suchtricks? They are worthy of putting to shame the assurance of all therobbers of the past! I pity you, so help me the God of Truth, I do; forno one can look with impunity upon that which it is unlawful for him tosee. In our neighborhood, there are so many gods that it is easier tomeet one than it is to find a man! But do not think that I was actuatedby any desire for revenge when I came here: I am more moved by your agethan I am by my own injury, for it is my belief that youthful imprudenceled you into committing a sacrilegious crime. That very night, I tossedso violently in the throes of a dangerous chill that I was afraid I hadcontracted a tertian ague, and in my dreams I prayed for a medicine. Iwas ordered to seek you out, and to arrest the progress of the disease bymeans of an expedient to be suggested by your wonderful penetration! Thecure does not matter so much, however, for a deeper grief gnaws at myvitals and drags me down, almost to the very doors of death itself. I amafraid that, with the careless impulsiveness of youth, you may divulge, to the common herd, what you witnessed in the shrine of Priapus, andreveal the rites of the gods to the rabble. On this account, I stretchout my suppliant hands to your knees, and beg and pray that you do notmake a mockery and a joke of our nocturnal rites, nor lay bare thesecrets of so many years, into which scarcely a thousand persons areinitiated. "

CHAPTER THE EIGHTEENTH. 

The tears poured forth again, after this appeal, and, shaken by deepsobs, she buried her whole face and breast in my bed; and I, moved bypity and by apprehension, begged her to be of good cheer and to makeherself perfectly easy as to both of those issues, for not only would wenot betray any secrets to the rabble, but we would also second divineprovidence, at any peril to ourselves, if any god had indicated to herany cure for her tertian ague. The woman cheered up at this promise, andsmothered me with kisses; from tears she passed to laughter, and fell torunning her fingers through the long hair that hung down about my ears. "I will declare a truce with you, " she said, "and withdraw my complaint. But had you been unwilling to administer the medicine which I seek, I hada troop in readiness for the morrow, which would have exactedsatisfaction for my injury and reparation for my dignity!

 To be flouted is disgraceful, but to dictate terms, sublime

 Pleased am I to choose what course I will, Even sages will retort an insult at the proper tune. 

 Victor most is he who does not kill. "

Then she suddenly clapped her hands, and broke into such a peal oflaughter that we were alarmed. The maid, who had been the first toarrive, did likewise, on one side of us, as also did the little girl whohad entered with the madame herself. 

CHAPTER THE NINETEENTH. 

The whole place was filled with mocking laughter, and we, who could seeno reason for such a change of front, stared blankly at each other andthen at the women. (Then Quartilla spoke up, finally, ) "I gave ordersthat no mortal man should be admitted into this inn, this day, so that Icould receive the treatment for my ague without interruption!" Ascyltoswas, for the moment, struck dumb by this admission of Quartilla's, and Iturned colder than a Gallic winter, and could not utter a word; but thepersonnel of the company relieved me from the fear that the worst mightbe yet to come, for they were only three young women, too weak to attemptany violence against us, who were of the male sex, at least, even if wehad nothing else of the man about us, and this was an asset. Then, too, we were girded higher, and I had so arranged matters that if it came to afight, I would engage Quartilla myself, Ascyltos the maid, and Giton thegirl. (While I was turning over this plan in my mind, Quartilla came toclose quarters, to receive the treatment for her ague, but having herhopes disappointed, she flounced out in a rage and, returning in a littlewhile, she had us overpowered by some unknown vagabonds, and gave ordersfor us to be carried away to a splendid palace. ) Then our determinationgave place to astonishment, and death, sure and certain, began to obscurethe eyes of suffering. 

CHAPTER THE TWENTIETH. 

"Pray; madame, " I groaned, "if you have anything worse in store, bring iton quickly for we have not committed a crime so heinous as to merit deathby torture. " The maid, whose name was Psyche, quickly spread a blanketupon the floor (and) sought to secure an erection by fondling my member, which was already a thousand times colder than death. Ascyltos, wellaware by now of the danger of dipping into the secrets of others, coveredhis head with his mantle. (In the meantime, ) the maid took two ribbonsfrom her bosom and bound our feet with one and our hands with the other. (Finding myself trussed up in this fashion, I remarked, "You will not beable to cure your mistress' ague in this manner!" "Granted, " the maidreplied, "but I have other and surer remedies at hand, " she brought me avessel full of satyrion, as she said this, and so cheerfully did shegossip about its virtues that I drank down nearly all of the liquor, andbecause Ascyltos had but a moment before rejected her advances, shesprinkled the dregs upon his back, without his knowing it. ) When thisrepartee had drawn to a close, Ascyltos exclaimed, "Don't I deserve adrink?" Given away by my laughter, the maid clapped her hands and cried, "I put one by you, young man; did you drink so much all by yourself?""What's that you say?", Quartilla chimed in. "Did Encolpius drink allthe satyrion there was in the house?" And she laughed delightfully untilher sides shook. Finally not even Giton himself could resist a smile, especially when the little girl caught him around the neck and showeredinnumerable kisses upon him, and he not at all averse to it. 

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FIRST. 

We would have cried aloud in our misery but there was no one to give usany help, and whenever I attempted to shout, "Help! all honestcitizens, " Psyche would prick my cheeks with her hairpin, and the littlegirl would intimidate Ascyltos with a brush dipped in satyrion. Then acatamite appeared, clad in a myrtle-colored frieze robe, and girded roundwith a belt. One minute he nearly gored us to death with his writhingbuttocks, and the next, he befouled us so with his stinking kisses thatQuartilla, with her robe tucked high, held up her whalebone wand andordered him to give the unhappy wretches quarter. Both of us then took amost solemn oath that so dread a secret should perish with us. Severalwrestling instructors appeared and refreshed us, worn out as we were, bya massage with pure oil, and when our fatigue had abated, we again donnedour dining clothes and were escorted to the next room, in which wereplaced three couches, and where all the essentials necessary to asplendid banquet were laid out in all their richness. We took ourplaces, as requested, and began with a wonderful first course. We wereall but submerged in Falernian wine. When several other courses hadfollowed, and we were endeavoring to keep awake Quartilla exclaimed, "Howdare you think of going to sleep when you know that the vigil of Priapusis to be kept?"

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SECOND. 

Worn out by all his troubles, Ascyltos commenced to nod, and the maid, whom he had slighted, and of course insulted, smeared lampblack all overhis face, and painted his lips and shoulders with vermillion, while hedrowsed. Completely exhausted by so many untoward adventures, I, too, was enjoying the shortest of naps, the whole household, within andwithout, was doing the same, some were lying here and there asleep at ourfeet, others leaned against the walls, and some even slept head to headupon the threshold itself; the lamps, failing because of a lack of oil, shed a feeble and flickering light, when two Syrians, bent upon stealingan amphora of wine, entered the dining-room. While they were greedilypawing among the silver, they pulled the amphora in two, upsetting thetable with all the silver plate, and a cup, which had flown pretty high, cut the head of the maid, who was drowsing upon a couch. She screamed atthat, thereby betraying the thieves and wakening some of the drunkards. The Syrians, who had come for plunder, seeing that they were about to bedetected, were so quick to throw themselves down besides a couch andcommence to snore as if they had been asleep for a long time, that youwould have thought they belonged there. The butler had gotten up andpoured oil in the flickering lamps by this time, and the boys, havingrubbed their eyes open, had returned to their duty, when in came a femalecymbal player and the crashing brass awoke everybody. 

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-THIRD. 

The banquet began all over again, and Quartilla challenged us to adrinking-bout, the crash of the cymbals lending ardor to her revel. A catamite appeared, the stalest of all mankind, well worthy of thathouse. Heaving a sigh, he wrung his hands until the joints cracked, and spouted out the following verses, "Hither, hither quickly gather, pathic companions boon; Artfully stretch forth your limbs and on with the dance and play! Twinkling feet and supple thighs and agile buttocks in tune, Hands well skilled in raising passions, Delian eunuchs gay!"

When he had finished his poetry, he slobbered a most evil-smelling kissupon me, and then, climbing upon my couch, he proceeded with all hismight and main to pull all of my clothing off. I resisted to the limitof my strength. He manipulated my member for a long time, but all invain. Gummy streams poured down his sweating forehead, and there was somuch chalk in the wrinkles of his cheeks that you might have mistaken hisface for a roofless wall, from which the plaster was crumbling in a rain. 

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FOURTH. 

Driven to the last extremity, I could no longer keep back the tears. "Madame, " I burst out, "is this the night-cap which you ordered served tome?" Clapping her hands softly she cried out, "Oh you witty rogue, youare a fountain of repartee, but you never knew before that a catamite wascalled a k-night-cap, now did you?" Then, fearing my companion would comeoff better than I, "Madame, " I said, "I leave it to your sense offairness: is Ascyltos to be the only one in this dining-room who keepsholiday?" "Fair enough, " conceded Quartilla, "let Ascyltos have hisk-night-cap too!" On hearing that, the catamite changed mounts, and, having bestridden my comrade, nearly drove him to distraction with hisbuttocks and his kisses. Giton was standing between us and splitting hissides with laughter when Quartilla noticed him, and actuated by theliveliest curiosity, she asked whose boy he was, and upon my answeringthat he was my "brother, " "Why has he not kissed me then?" shedemanded. Calling him to her, she pressed a kiss upon his mouth, thenputting her hand beneath his robe, she took hold of his little member, asyet so undeveloped. "This, " she remarked, "shall serve me very welltomorrow, as a whet to my appetite, but today I'll take no common fareafter choice fish!"

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FIFTH. 

She was still talking when Psyche, who was giggling, came to her side andwhispered something in her ear. What it was, I did not catch. "By allmeans, " ejaculated Quartilla, "a brilliant idea! Why shouldn't ourpretty little Pannychis lose her maidenhead when the opportunity is sofavorable?" A little girl, pretty enough, too, was led in at once; shelooked to be not over seven years of age, and she was the same one whohad before accompanied Quartilla to our room. Amidst universal applause, and in response to the demands of all, they made ready to perform thenuptial rites. I was completely out of countenance, and insisted thatsuch a modest boy as Giton was entirely unfitted for such a wanton part, and moreover, that the child was not of an age at which she could receivethat which a woman must take. "Is that so, " Quartilla scoffed, "is sheany younger than I was, when I submitted to my first man? Juno, mypatroness, curse me if I can remember the time when I ever was a virgin, for I diverted myself with others of my own age, as a child then as theyears passed, I played with bigger boys, until at last I reached mypresent age. I suppose that this explains the origin of the proverb, 'Who carried the calf may carry the bull, ' as they say. " As I fearedthat Giton might run greater risk if I were absent, I got up to takepart in the ceremony. 

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SIXTH. 

Psyche had already enveloped the child's head in the bridal-veil, thecatamite, holding a torch, led the long procession of drunken women whichfollowed; they were clapping their hands, having previously decked outthe bridal-bed with a suggestive drapery. Quartilla, spurred on by thewantonness of the others, seized hold of Giton and drew him into thebridal-chamber. There was no doubt of the boy's perfect willingness togo, nor was the girl at all alarmed at the name of marriage. When theywere finally in bed, and the door shut, we seated ourselves outside thedoor of the bridal-chamber, and Quartilla applied a curious eye to achink, purposely made, watching their childish dalliance with lasciviousattention. She then drew me gently over to her side that I might sharethe spectacle with her, and when we both attempted to peep our faces werepressed against each other; whenever she was not engrossed in theperformance, she screwed up her lips to meet mine, and pecked at mecontinually with furtive kisses. [A thunderous hammering was heard atthe door, while all this was going on, and everyone wondered what thisunexpected interruption could mean, when we saw a soldier, one of thenight-watch, enter with a drawn sword in his hand, and surrounded by acrowd of young rowdies. He glared about him with savage eyes andblustering mien, and, catching sight of Quartilla, presently, "What's upnow, you shameless woman, " he bawled; "what do you mean by making game ofme with lying promises, and cheating me out of the night you promised me?But you won't get off unpunished You and that lover of yours are going tofind out that I'm a man!" At the soldier's orders, his companion boundQuartilla and myself together, mouth to mouth, breast to breast, andthigh to thigh; and not without a great deal of laughter. Then thecatamite, also at the soldier's order, began to beslaver me all over withthe fetid kisses of his stinking mouth, a treatment I could neither flyfrom, nor in any other way avoid. Finally, he ravished me, and workedhis entire pleasure upon me. In the meantime, the satyrion which I haddrunk only a little while before spurred every nerve to lust and I beganto gore Quartilla impetuously, and she, burning with the same passion, reciprocated in the game. The rowdies laughed themselves sick, so movedwere they by that ludicrous scene, for here was I, mounted by the stalestof catamites, involuntarily and almost unconsciously responding with asrapid a cadence to him as Quartilla did in her wriggling under me. Whilethis was going on, Pannychis, unaccustomed at her tender years to thepastime of Venus, raised an outcry and attracted the attention of thesoldier, by this unexpected howl of consternation, for this slip of agirl was being ravished, and Giton the victor, had won a not bloodlessvictory. Aroused by what he saw, the soldier rushed upon them, seizingPannychis, then Giton, then both of them together, in a crushing embrace. The virgin burst into tears and plead with him to remember her age, buther prayers availed her nothing, the soldier only being fired the more byher childish charms. Pannychis covered her head at last, resolved toendure whatever the Fates had in store for her. At this instant, an oldwoman, the very same who had tricked me on that day when I was huntingfor our lodging, came to the aid of Pannychis, as though she had droppedfrom the clouds. With loud cries, she rushed into the house, swearingthat a gang of footpads was prowling about the neighborhood and thepeople invoked the help of "All honest men, " in vain, for the members ofthe night-watch were either asleep or intent upon some carouse, as theywere nowhere to be found. Greatly terrified at this, the soldier rushedheadlong from Quartilla's house. His companions followed after him, freeing Pannychis from impending danger and relieving the rest of us fromour fear. ] (I was so weary of Quartilla's lechery that I began tomeditate means of escape. I made my intentions known to Ascyltos, who, as he wished to rid himself of the importunities of Psyche, wasdelighted; had not Giton been shut up in the bridal-chamber, the planwould have presented no difficulties, but we wished to take him with us, and out of the way of the viciousness of these prostitutes. We wereanxiously engaged in debating this very point, when Pannychis fell out ofbed, and dragged Giton after her, by her own weight. He was not hurt, but the girl gave her head a slight bump, and raised such a clamor thatQuartilla, in a terrible fright, rushed headlong into the room, giving usthe opportunity of making off. We did not tarry, but flew back to ourinn where, ) throwing ourselves upon the bed, we passed the remainder ofthe night without fear. (Sallying forth next day, we came upon two ofour kidnappers, one of whom Ascyltos savagely attacked the moment he seteyes upon him, and, after having thrashed and seriously wounded him, he ran to my aid against the other. He defended himself so stoutly, however, that he wounded us both, slightly, and escaped unscathed. ) Thethird day had now dawned, the date set for the free dinner (atTrimalchio's, ) but battered as we were, flight seemed more to our tastethan quiet, so (we hastened to our inn and, as our wounds turned out tobe trifling, we dressed them with vinegar and oil, and went to bed. Theruffian whom we had done for, was still lying upon the ground and wefeared detection. ) Affairs were at this pass, and we were framingmelancholy excuses with which to evade the coming revel, when a slave ofAgamemnon's burst in upon our trembling conclave and said, "Don't youknow with whom your engagement is today? The exquisite Trimalchio, whokeeps a clock and a liveried bugler in his dining-room, so that he cantell, instantly, how much of his life has run out!" Forgetting all ourtroubles at that, we dressed hurriedly and ordered Giton, who had verywillingly performed his servile office, to follow us to the bath. 

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Boys play in the schools, the young men are laughed atDeferred pleasures are a long time comingEgyptians "commercialized" that incomparable artErrors committed in the name of religionEverything including the children, is devoted to ambitionLaughed ourselves out of a most disgraceful quarrelNo one will confess the errors he was taught in his school daysPriests, animated by an hypocritical mania for prophecySee or hear nothing at all of the affairs of every-day lifeThe teachers, who must gibber with lunaticsThey secure their ends, save by setting snares for the ears

VOLUME 2. --THE DINNER OF TRIMALCHIO

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SEVENTH. 

Having put on our clothes, in the meantime, we commenced to stroll aroundand soon, the better to amuse ourselves, approached the circle ofplayers; all of a sudden we caught sight of a bald-headed old fellow, rigged out in a russet colored tunic, playing ball with some long hairedboys. It was not so much the boys who attracted our attention, althoughthey might well have merited it, as it was the spectacle afforded by thisbeslippered paterfamilias playing with a green ball. If one but touchedthe ground, he never stooped for it to put it back in play; for a slavestood by with a bagful from which the players were supplied. We notedother innovations as well, for two eunuchs were stationed at oppositesides of the ring, one of whom held a silver chamber-pot, the othercounted the balls; not those which bounced back and forth from hand tohand, in play, but those which fell to the ground. While we weremarveling at this display of refinement, Menelaus rushed up, "He is theone with whom you will rest upon your elbow, " he panted, "what you seenow, is only a prelude to the dinner. " Menelaus had scarcely ceasedspeaking when Trimalchio snapped his fingers; the eunuch, hearing thesignal, held the chamber-pot for him while he still continued playing. After relieving his bladder, he called for water to wash his hands, barely moistened his fingers, and dried them upon a boy's head. 

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-EIGHTH. 

To go into details would take too long. We entered the bath, finally, and after sweating for a minute or two in the warm room, we passedthrough into the cold water. But short as was the time, Trimalchio hadalready been sprinkled with perfume and was being rubbed down, not withlinen towels, however, but with cloths made from the finest wool. Meanwhile, three masseurs were guzzling Falernian under his eyes, andwhen they spilled a great deal of it in their brawling, Trimalchiodeclared they were pouring a libation to his Genius. He was then wrappedin a coarse scarlet wrap-rascal, and placed in a litter. Four runners, whose liveries were decorated with metal plates, preceded him, as alsodid a wheel-chair in which rode his favorite, a withered, blear eyedslave, even more repulsive looking than his master. A singing boyapproached the head of his litter, as he was being carried along, andplayed upon small pipes the whole way, just as if he were communicatingsome secret to his master's ear. Marveling greatly, we followed, and metAgamemnon at the outer door, to the post of which was fastened a smalltablet bearing this inscription:

 NO SLAVE TO LEAVE THE PREMISES WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM THE MASTER. PENALTY ONE HUNDRED LASHES. 

In the vestibule stood the porter, clad in green and girded with acherry-colored belt, shelling peas into a silver dish. Above thethreshold was suspended a golden cage, from which a black and whitemagpie greeted the visitors. 

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-NINTH. 

I almost fell backwards and broke my legs while staring at all this, forto the left, as we entered, not far from the porter's alcove, an enormousdog upon a chain was painted upon the wall, and above him thisinscription, in capitals:

 BEWARE THE DOG. 

My companions laughed, but I plucked up my courage and did not hesitate, but went on and examined the entire wall. There was a scene in a slavemarket, the tablets hanging from the slaves' necks, and Trimalchiohimself, wearing his hair long, holding a caduceus in his hand, enteringRome, led by the hand of Minerva. Then again the painstaking artist haddepicted him casting up accounts, and still again, being appointedsteward; everything being explained by inscriptions. Where the wallsgave way to the portico, Mercury was shown lifting him up by the chin, to a tribunal placed on high. Near by stood Fortune with her horn ofplenty, and the three Fates, spinning golden flax. I also took note of agroup of runners, in the portico, taking their exercise under the eye ofan instructor, and in one corner was a large cabinet, in which was a verysmall shrine containing silver Lares, a marble Venus, and a golden casketby no means small, which held, so they told us, the first shavings ofTrimalchio's beard. I asked the hall-porter what pictures were in themiddle hall. "The Iliad and the Odyssey, " he replied, "and thegladiatorial games given under Laenas. " There was no time in which toexamine them all. 

CHAPTER THE THIRTIETH. 

We had now come to the dining-room, at the entrance to which sat afactor, receiving accounts, and, what gave me cause for astonishment, rods and axes were fixed to the door-posts, superimposed, as it were, upon the bronze beak of a ship, whereon was inscribed:

 TO GAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO AUGUSTAL, SEVIR FROM CINNAMUS HIS STEWARD. 

A double lamp, suspended from the ceiling, hung beneath the inscription, and a tablet was fixed to each door-post; one, if my memory serves me, was inscribed, ON DECEMBER THIRTIETH AND THIRTY FIRST OUR GAIUS DINES OUT

the other bore a painting of the moon in her phases, and the sevenplanets, and the days which were lucky and those which were unlucky, distinguished by distinctive studs. We had had enough of these noveltiesand started to enter the dining-room when a slave, detailed to this duty, cried out, "Right foot first. " Naturally, we were afraid that some of usmight break some rule of conduct and cross the threshold the wrong way;nevertheless, we started out, stepping off together with the right foot, when all of a sudden, a slave who had been stripped, threw himself at ourfeet, and commenced begging us to save him from punishment, as it was noserious offense for which he was in jeopardy; the steward's clothing hadbeen stolen from him in the baths, and the whole value could scarcelyamount to ten sesterces. So we drew back our right feet and intervenedwith the steward, who was counting gold pieces in the hall, begging himto remit the slave's punishment. Putting a haughty face on the matter, "It's not the loss I mind so much, " he said, "as it is the carelessnessof this worthless rascal. He lost my dinner clothes, given me on mybirthday they were, by a certain client, Tyrian purple too, but it hadbeen washed once already. But what does it amount to? I make you apresent of the scoundrel!"

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FIRST. 

We felt deeply obligated by his great condescension, and the sameslave for whom we had interceded, rushed up to us as we entered thedining-room, and to our astonishment, kissed us thick and fast, voicinghis thanks for our kindness. "You'll know in a minute whom you did afavor for, " he confided, "the master's wine is the thanks of a gratefulbutler!" At length we reclined, and slave boys from Alexandria pouredwater cooled with snow upon our hands, while others following, attendedto our feet and removed the hangnails with wonderful dexterity, nor werethey silent even during this disagreeable operation, but they all keptsinging at their work. I was desirous of finding out whether the wholehousehold could sing, so I ordered a drink; a boy near at hand instantlyrepeated my order in a singsong voice fully as shrill, and whichever oneyou accosted did the same. You would not imagine that this was thedining-room of a private gentleman, but rather that it was an exhibitionof pantomimes. A very inviting relish was brought on, for by now all thecouches were occupied save only that of Trimalchio, for whom, after a newcustom, the chief place was reserved. 

On the tray stood a donkey made of Corinthian bronze, bearing pannierscontaining olives, white in one and black in the other. Two plattersflanked the figure, on the margins of which were engraved Trimalchio'sname and the weight of the silver in each. Dormice sprinkled withpoppy-seed and honey were served on little bridges soldered fast to theplatter, and hot sausages on a silver gridiron, underneath which weredamson plums and pomegranate seeds. 

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SECOND. 

We Were in the midst of these delicacies when, to the sound of music, Trimalchio himself was carried in and bolstered up in a nest of smallcushions, which forced a snicker from the less wary. A shaven pollprotruded from a scarlet mantle, and around his neck, already muffledwith heavy clothing, he had tucked a napkin having a broad purple stripeand a fringe that hung down all around. On the little finger of his lefthand he wore a massive gilt ring, and on the first joint of the nextfinger, a smaller one which seemed to me to be of pure gold, but as amatter of fact it had iron stars soldered on all around it. And then, for fear all of his finery would not be displayed, he bared his rightarm, adorned with a golden arm-band and an ivory circlet clasped with aplate of shining metal. 

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-THIRD. 

Picking his teeth with a silver quill, "Friends, " said he, "it was notconvenient for me to come into the dining-room just yet, but for fear myabsence should cause you any inconvenience, I gave over my own pleasure:permit me, however, to finish my game. " A slave followed with aterebinth table and crystal dice, and I noted one piece of luxury thatwas superlative; for instead of black and white pieces, he used gold andsilver coins. He kept up a continual flow of various coarse expressions. We were still dallying with the relishes when a tray was brought in, onwhich was a basket containing a wooden hen with her wings rounded andspread out as if she were brooding. Two slaves instantly approached, andto the accompaniment of music, commenced to feel around in the straw. They pulled out some pea-hen's eggs, which they distributed among thediners. Turning his head, Trimalchio saw what was going on. "Friends, "he remarked. "I ordered pea-hen's eggs set under the hen, but I'm afraidthey're addled, by Hercules I am let's try them anyhow, and see ifthey're still fit to suck. " We picked up our spoons, each of whichweighed not less than half a pound, and punctured the shells, which weremade of flour and dough, and as a matter of fact, I very nearly threwmine away for it seemed to me that a chick had formed already, but uponhearing an old experienced guest vow, "There must be something goodhere, " I broke open the shell with my hand and discovered a fine fatfig-pecker, imbedded in a yolk seasoned with pepper. 

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FOURTH. 

Having finished his game, Trimalchio was served with a helping ofeverything and was announcing in a loud voice his willingness to joinanyone in a second cup of honied wine, when, to a flourish of music, therelishes were suddenly whisked away by a singing chorus, but a small dishhappened to fall to the floor, in the scurry, and a slave picked it up. Seeing this, Trimalchio ordered that the boy be punished by a box on theear, and made him throw it down again; a janitor followed with his broomand swept the silver dish away among the litter. Next followed twolong-haired Ethiopians, carrying small leather bottles, such as arecommonly seen in the hands of those who sprinkle sand in the arena, andpoured wine upon our hands, for no one offered us water. Whencomplimented upon these elegant extras, the host cried out, "Mars lovesa fair fight: and so I ordered each one a separate table: that way thesestinking slaves won't make us so hot with their crowding. " Some glassbottles carefully sealed with gypsum were brought in at that instant; alabel bearing this inscription was fastened to the neck of each one:

 OPIMIAN FALERNIAN ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD. 

While we were studying the labels, Trimalchio clapped his hands andcried, "Ah me! To think that wine lives longer than poor little man. Let's fill 'em up! There's life in wine and this is the real Opimian, you can take my word for that. I offered no such vintage yesterday, though my guests were far more respectable. " We were tippling away andextolling all these elegant devices, when a slave brought in a silverskeleton, so contrived that the joints and movable vertebra could beturned in any direction. He threw it down upon the table a time or two, and its mobile articulation caused it to assume grotesque attitudes, whereupon Trimalchio chimed in:

 "Poor man is nothing in the scheme of things And Orcus grips us and to Hades flings Our bones! This skeleton before us here Is as important as we ever were! Let's live then while we may and life is dear. "

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FIFTH. 

The applause was followed by a course which, by its oddity, drew everyeye, but it did not come up to our expectations. There was a circulartray around which were displayed the signs of the zodiac, and upon eachsign the caterer had placed the food best in keeping with it. Ram'svetches on Aries, a piece of beef on Taurus, kidneys and lamb's fry onGemini, a crown on Cancer, the womb of an unfarrowed sow on Virgo, anAfrican fig on Leo, on Libra a balance, one pan of which held a tart andthe other a cake, a small seafish on Scorpio, a bull's eye onSagittarius, a sea lobster on Capricornus, a goose on Aquarius and twomullets on Pisces. In the middle lay a piece of cut sod upon whichrested a honeycomb with the grass arranged around it. An Egyptian slavepassed bread around from a silver oven and in a most discordant voicetwisted out a song in the manner of the mime in the musical farce calledLaserpitium. Seeing that we were rather depressed at the prospect ofbusying ourselves with such vile fare, Trimalchio urged us to fall to:"Let us fall to, gentlemen, I beg of you, this is only the sauce!"

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SIXTH. 

While he was speaking, four dancers ran in to the time of the music, and removed the upper part of the tray. Beneath, on what seemed to beanother tray, we caught sight of stuffed capons and sows' bellies, and inthe middle, a hare equipped with wings to resemble Pegasus. At thecorners of the tray we also noted four figures of Marsyas and from theirbladders spouted a highly spiced sauce upon fish which were swimmingabout as if in a tide-race. All of us echoed the applause which wasstarted by the servants, and fell to upon these exquisite delicacies, with a laugh. "Carver, " cried Trimalchio, no less delighted with theartifice practised upon us, and the carver appeared immediately. Timinghis strokes to the beat of the music he cut up the meat in such a fashionas to lead you to think that a gladiator was fighting from a chariot tothe accompaniment of a water-organ. Every now and then Trimalchio wouldrepeat "Carver, Carver, " in a low voice, until I finally came to theconclusion that some joke was meant in repeating a word so frequently, soI did not scruple to question him who reclined above me. As he had oftenexperienced byplay of this sort he explained, "You see that fellow who iscarving the meat, don't you? Well, his name is Carver. WheneverTrimalchio says Carver, carve her, by the same word, he both calls andcommands!"

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SEVENTH. 

I could eat no more, so I turned to my whilom informant to learn as muchas I could and sought to draw him out with far-fetched gossip. Iinquired who that woman could be who was scurrying about hither and yonin such a fashion. "She's called Fortunata, " he replied. "She's thewife of Trimalchio, and she measures her money by the peck. And only alittle while ago, what was she! May your genius pardon me, but you wouldnot have been willing to take a crust of bread from her hand. Now, without rhyme or reason, she's in the seventh heaven and is Trimalchio'sfactotum, so much so that he would believe her if she told him it wasdark when it was broad daylight! As for him, he don't know how rich heis, but this harlot keeps an eye on everything and where you least expectto find her, you're sure to run into her. She's temperate, sober, fullof good advice, and has many good qualities, but she has a scoldingtongue, a very magpie on a sofa, those she likes, she likes, but thoseshe dislikes, she dislikes! Trimalchio himself has estates as broad asthe flight of a kite is long, and piles of money. There's more silverplate lying in his steward's office than other men have in their wholefortunes! And as for slaves, damn me if I believe a tenth of them knowsthe master by sight. The truth is, that these stand-a-gapes are so muchin awe of him that any one of them would step into a fresh dunghillwithout ever knowing it, at a mere nod from him!"

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-EIGHTH. 

"And don't you get the idea that he buys anything; everything is producedat home, wool, pitch, pepper, if you asked for hen's milk you would getit. Because he wanted his wool to rival other things in quality, hebought rams at Tarentum and sent 'em into his flocks with a slap on thearse. He had bees brought from Attica, so he could produce Attic honeyat home, and, as a side issue, so he could improve the native bees bycrossing with the Greek. He even wrote to India for mushroom seed oneday, and he hasn't a single mule that wasn't sired by a wild ass. Do yousee all those cushions? Not a single one but what is stuffed with eitherpurple or scarlet wool! He hasn't anything to worry about! Look out howyou criticise those other fellow-freedmen-friends of his, they're allwell heeled. See the fellow reclining at the bottom of the end couch?He's worth his 800, 000 any day, and he rose from nothing. Only a shortwhile ago he had to carry faggots on his own back. I don't know how trueit is, but they say that he snatched off an Incubo's hat and found atreasure! For my part, I don't envy any man anything that was given himby a god. He still carries the marks of his box on the ear, and he isn'twishing himself any bad luck! He posted this notice, only the other day:

 CAIUS POMPONIUS DIOGENES HAS PURCHASED A HOUSE THIS GARNET FOR RENT AFTER THE KALENDS OF JULY. 

"What do you think of the fellow in the freedman's place? He has a goodfront, too, hasn't he? And he has a right to. He saw his fortunemultiplied tenfold, but he lost heavily through speculation at the last. I don't think he can call his very hair his own, and it is no fault ofhis either, by Hercules, it isn't. There's no better fellow anywhere hisrascally freedmen cheated him out of everything. You know very well howit is; everybody's business is nobody's business, and once let businessaffairs start to go wrong, your friends will stand from under! Look atthe fix he's in, and think what a fine trade he had! He used to be anundertaker. He dined like a king, boars roasted whole in their shaggyBides, bakers' pastries, birds, cooks and bakers! More wine was spilledunder his table than another has in his wine cellar. His life was like apipe dream, not like an ordinary mortal's. When his affairs commenced togo wrong, and he was afraid his creditors would guess that he wasbankrupt, he advertised an auction and this was his placard:

 JULIUS PROCULUS WILL SELL AT AUCTION HIS SUPERFLUOUS FURNITURE"

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-NINTH. 

Trimalchio broke in upon this entertaining gossip, for the course hadbeen removed and the guests, happy with wine, had started a generalconversation: lying back upon his couch, "You ought to make this wine godown pleasantly, " he said, "the fish must have something to swim in. ButI say, you didn't think I'd be satisfied with any such dinner as you sawon the top of that tray? 'Is Ulysses no better known?' Well, well, weshouldn't forget our culture, even at dinner. May the bones of my patronrest in peace, he wanted me to become a man among men. No one can showme anything new, and that little tray has proved it. This heaven wherethe gods live, turns into as many different signs, and sometimes into theRam: therefore, whoever is born under that sign will own many flocks andmuch wool, a hard head, a shameless brow, and a sharp horn. A great manyschool-teachers and rambunctious butters-in are born under that sign. "We applauded the wonderful penetration of our astrologer and he ran on, "Then the whole heaven turns into a bull-calf and the kickers andherdsmen and those who see to it that their own bellies are full, comeinto the world. Teams of horses and oxen are born under the Twins, andwell-hung wenchers and those who bedung both sides of the wall. I wasborn under the Crab and therefore stand on many legs and own muchproperty on land and sea, for the crab is as much at home on one as he isin the other. For that reason, I put nothing on that sign for fear ofweighing down my own destiny. Bulldozers and gluttons are born under theLion, and women and fugitives and chain-gangs are born under the Virgin. Butchers and perfumers are born under the Balance, and all who think thatit is their business to straighten things out. Poisoners and assassinsare born under the Scorpion. Cross-eyed people who look at thevegetables and sneak away with the bacon, are born under the Archer. Horny-handed sons of toil are born under Capricorn. Bartenders andpumpkin-heads are born under the Water-Carrier. Caterers andrhetoricians are born under the Fishes: and so the world turns round, just like a mill, and something bad always comes to the top, and men areeither being born or else they're dying. As to the sod and the honeycombin the middle, for I never do anything without a reason, Mother Earth isin the centre, round as an egg, and all that is good is found in her, just like it is in a honeycomb. "

CHAPTER THE FORTIETH. 

"Bravo!" we yelled, and, with hands uplifted to the ceiling, we sworethat such fellows as Hipparchus and Aratus were not to be compared withhim. At length some slaves came in who spread upon the couches somecoverlets upon which were embroidered nets and hunters stalking theirgame with boar-spears, and all the paraphernalia of the chase. We knewnot what to look for next, until a hideous uproar commenced, just outsidethe dining-room door, and some Spartan hounds commenced to run around thetable all of a sudden. A tray followed them, upon which was served awild boar of immense size, wearing a liberty cap upon its head, and fromits tusks hung two little baskets of woven palm fibre, one of whichcontained Syrian dates, the other, Theban. Around it hung littlesuckling pigs made from pastry, signifying that this was a brood-sow withher pigs at suck. It turned out that these were souvenirs intended to betaken home. When it came to carving the boar, our old friend Carver, whohad carved the capons, did not appear, but in his place a great beardedgiant, with bands around his legs, and wearing a short hunting cape inwhich a design was woven. Drawing his hunting-knife, he plunged itfiercely into the boar's side, and some thrushes flew out of the gash. Fowlers, ready with their rods, caught them in a moment, as theyfluttered around the room and Trimalchio ordered one to each guest, remarking, "Notice what fine acorns this forest-bred boar fed on, " and ashe spoke, some slaves removed the little baskets from the tusks anddivided the Syrian and Theban dates equally among the diners. 

CHAPTER THE FORTY-FIRST. 

Getting a moment to myself, in the meantime, I began to speculate as towhy the boar had come with a liberty cap upon his head. After exhaustingmy invention with a thousand foolish guesses, I made bold to put theriddle which teased me to my old informant. "Why, sure, " he replied, "even your slave could explain that; there's no riddle, everything's asplain as day! This boar made his first bow as the last course ofyesterday's dinner and was dismissed by the guests, so today he comesback as a freedman!" I damned my stupidity and refrained from asking anymore questions for fear I might leave the impression that I had neverdined among decent people before. While we were speaking, a handsomeboy, crowned with vine leaves and ivy, passed grapes around, in a littlebasket, and impersonated Bacchus-happy, Bacchus-drunk, andBacchus-dreaming, reciting, in the meantime, his master's verses, in ashrill voice. Trimalchio turned to him and said, "Dionisus, be thouLiber, " whereupon the boy immediately snatched the cap from the boar'shead, and put it upon his own. At that Trimalchio added, "You can'tdeny that my father's middle name was Liber!" We applauded Trimalchio'sconceit heartily, and kissed the boy as he went around. Trimalchioretired to the close-stool, after this course, and we, having freedom ofaction with the tyrant away, began to draw the other guests out. Aftercalling for a bowl of wine, Dama spoke up, "A day's nothing at all: it'snight before you can turn around, so you can't do better than to goright to the dining-room from your bed. It's been so cold that I canhardly get warm in a bath, but a hot drink's as good as an overcoat:I've had some long pegs, and between you and me, I'm a bit groggy; thebooze has gone to my head. "

CHAPTER THE FORTY-SECOND. 

Here Seleucus took up the tale. "I don't bathe every day, " he confided, "a bath uses you up like a fuller: water's got teeth and your strengthwastes away a little every day; but when I've downed a pot of mead, Itell the cold to suck my cock! I couldn't bathe today anyway, because Iwas at a funeral; dandy fellow, he was too, good old Chrysanthus slippedhis wind! Why, only the other day he said good morning' to me, and Ialmost think I'm talking to him now! Gawd's truth, we're only blown-upbladders strutting around, we're less than flies, for they have some goodin them, but we're only bubbles. And supposing he had not kept to such alow diet! Why, not a drop of water or a crumb of bread so much as passedhis lips for five days; and yet he joined the majority! Too many doctorsdid away with him, or rather, his time had come, for a doctor's not goodfor anything except for a consolation to your mind! He was well carriedout, anyhow, in the very bed he slept in during his lifetime. And he wascovered with a splendid pall: the mourning was tastefully managed; he hadfreed some slaves; even though his wife was sparing with her tears: andwhat if he hadn't treated her so well! But when you come to women, womenall belong to the kite species: no one ought to waste a good turn uponone of them; it's just like throwing it down a well! An old love's likea cancer!"

CHAPTER THE FORTY-THIRD. 

He was becoming very tiresome, and Phileros cried out, "Let's think aboutthe living! He has what was coming to him, he lived respectably, andrespectably he died. What's he got to kick about'? He made his pilefrom an as, and would pick a quadrans out of a dunghill with his teeth, any old time. And he grew richer and richer, of course: just like ahoneycomb. I expect that he left all of a hundred thousand, by Hercules, I do! All in cold cash, too; but I've eaten dog's tongue and must speakthe truth: he was foul-mouthed, had a ready tongue, he was a troublemaker and no man. Now his brother was a good fellow, a friend to hisfriend, free-handed, and he kept a liberal table. He picked a loser atthe start, but his first vintage set him upon his legs, for he sold hiswine at the figure he demanded, and, what made him hold his head higherstill, he came into a legacy from which he stole more than had been leftto him. Then that fool friend of yours, in a fit of anger at hisbrother, willed his property away to some son-of-a-bitch or other, whohe was, I don't know, but when a man runs away from his own kin, he hasa long way to go! And what's more, he had some slaves who wereear-specialists at the keyhole, and they did him a lot of harm, for a manwon't prosper when he believes, on the spot, every tale that he hears; aman in business, especially. Still, he had a good time as long as helived: for happy's the fellow who gets the gift, not the one it was meantfor. He sure was Fortune's son! Lead turned to gold in his hands. It'seasy enough when everything squares up and runs on schedule. How oldwould you think he was? Seventy and over, but he was as tough as horn, carried his age well, and was as black as a crow. I knew the fellow foryears and years, and he was a lecher to the very last. I don't believethat even the dog in his house escaped his attentions, by Hercules, Idon't; and what a boy-lover he was! Saw a virgin in every one he met!Not that I blame him though, for it's all he could take with him. "

CHAPTER THE FORTY-FOURTH. 

Phileros had his say and Ganymedes exclaimed, "You gabble away aboutthings that don't concern heaven or earth: and none of you cares how theprice of grain pinches. I couldn't even get a mouthful of bread today, by Hercules, I couldn't. How the drought does hang on! We've had faminefor a year. If the damned AEdiles would only get what's coming to them. They graft with the bakers, scratch-my-arse-and-I'll-scratch-yours!That's the way it always is, the poor devils are out of luck, but thejaws of the capitalists are always keeping the Saturnalia. If only wehad such lion-hearted sports as we had when I first came from Asia! Thatwas the life! If the flour was not the very best, they would beat upthose belly-robbing grafters till they looked like Jupiter had been atthem. How well I remember Safinius; he lived near the old arch, when Iwas a boy. For a man, he was one hot proposition! Wherever he went, theground smoked! But he was square, dependable, a friend to a friend, youcould safely play mora with him, in the dark. But how he did peel themin the town hall: he spoke no parables, not he! He did everythingstraight from the shoulder and his voice roared like a trumpet in theforum. He never sweat nor spat. I don't know, but I think he had astrain of the Asiatic in him. And how civil and friendly-like he was, in returning everyone's greeting; called us all by name, just like he wasone of us! And so provisions were cheap as dirt in those days. The loafyou got for an as, you couldn't eat, not even if someone helped you, butyou see them no bigger than a bull's eye now, and the hell of it is thatthings are getting worse every day; this colony grows backwards like acalf's tall! Why do we have to put up with an AEdile here, who's notworth three Caunian figs and who thinks more of an as than of our lives?He has a good time at home, and his daily income's more than anotherman's fortune. I happen to know where he got a thousand gold pieces. If we had any nuts, he'd not be so damned well pleased with himself!Nowadays, men are lions at home and foxes abroad. What gets me is, thatI've already eaten my old clothes, and if this high cost of living keepson, I'll have to sell my cottages! What's going to happen to this town, if neither gods nor men take pity on it? May I never have any luck if Idon't believe all this comes from the gods! For no one believes thatheaven is heaven, no one keeps a fast, no one cares a hang about Jupiter:they all shut their eyes and count up their own profits. In the olddays, the married women, in their stolas, climbed the hill in their barefeet, pure in heart, and with their hair unbound, and prayed to Jupiterfor rain! And it would pour down in bucketfuls then or never, and they'dall come home, wet as drowned rats. But the gods all have the gout now, because we are not religious; and so our fields are burning up!"

CHAPTER THE FORTY-FIFTH. 

"Don't be so down in the mouth, " chimed in Echion, the ragman; "if itwasn't that it'd be something else, as the farmer said, when he lost hisspotted pig. If a thing don't happen today, it may tomorrow. That's theway life jogs along. You couldn't name a better country, by Hercules, you couldn't, if only the men had any brains. She's in hot water rightnow, but she ain't the only one. We oughtn't to be so particular;heaven's as far away everywhere else. If you were somewhere else, you'dswear that pigs walked around here already roasted. Think of what'scoming! We'll soon have a fine gladiator show to last for three days, notraining-school pupils; most of them will be freedmen. Our Titus has ahot head and plenty of guts and it will go to a finish. I'm wellacquainted with him, and he'll not stand for any frame-ups. It will becold steel in the best style, no running away, the shambles will be inthe middle of the amphitheatre where all the crowd can see. And what'smore, he has the coin, for he came into thirty million when his fatherhad the bad luck to die. He could blow in four hundred thousand and hisfortune never feel it, but his name would live forever. He has somedwarfs already, and a woman to fight from a chariot. Then, there'sGlyco's steward; he was caught screwing Glyco's wife. You'll see somebattle between jealous husbands and favored lovers. Anyhow, that cheapscrew of a Glyco condemned his steward to the beasts and only publishedhis own shame. How could the slave go wrong when he only obeyed orders?It would have been better if that she-piss-pot, for that's all she's fitfor, had been tossed by the bull, but a fellow has to beat the saddlewhen he can't beat the jackass. How could Glyco ever imagine that asprig of Hermogenes' planting could turn out well? Why, Hermogenes couldtrim the claws of a flying hawk, and no snake ever hatched out a ropeyet! And look at Glyco! He's smoked himself out in fine shape, and aslong as he lives, he'll carry that stain! No one but the devil himselfcan wipe that out, but chickens always come home to roost. My nose tellsme that Mammaea will set out a spread: two bits apiece for me and mine!And he'll nick Norbanus out of his political pull if he does; you allknow that it's to his interest to hump himself to get the best of him. And honestly, what did that fellow ever do for us? He exhibited some twocent gladiators that were so near dead they'd have fallen flat if youblew your breath at them. I've seen better thugs sent against wildbeasts! And the cavalry he killed looked about as much like the realthing as the horsemen on the lamps; you would have taken them fordunghill cocks! One plug had about as much action as a jackass with apack-saddle; another was club-footed; and a third who had to take theplace of one that was killed, was as good as dead, and hamstrung into thebargain. There was only one that had any pep, and he was a Thracian, buthe only fought when we egged him on. The whole crowd was floggedafterwards. How the mob did yell 'Lay it on!' They were nothing butrunaways. And at that he had the nerve to say, 'I've given you a show. ''And I've applauded, ' I answered; 'count it up and you'll find that Igave more than I got! One hand washes the other. '"

CHAPTER THE FORTY-SIXTH

"Agamemnon, your looks seem to say, What's this boresome nut trying tohand us?' Well, I'm talking because you, who can talk book-foolishness, won't. You don't belong to our bunch, so you laugh in your sleeve at theway us poor people talk, but we know that you're only a fool with a lotof learning. Well, what of it? Some day I'll get you to come to mycountry place and take a look at my little estate. We'll have fresh eggsand spring chicken to chew on when we get there; it will be all righteven if the weather has kept things back this year. We'll find enough tosatisfy us, and my kid will soon grow up to be a pupil of yours; he candivide up to four, now, and you'll have a little servant at your side, ifhe lives. When he has a minute to himself, he never takes his eyes fromhis tablets; he's smart too, and has the right kind of stuff in him, evenif he is crazy about birds. I've had to kill three of his linnetsalready. I told him that a weasel had gotten them, but he's foundanother hobby, now he paints all the time. He's left the marks of hisheels on his Greek already, and is doing pretty well with his Latin, although his master's too easy with him; won't make him stick to onething. He comes to me to get me to give him something to write when hismaster don't want to work. Then there's another tutor, too, no scholar, but very painstaking, though; he can teach you more than he knowshimself. He comes to the house on holidays and is always satisfied withwhatever you pay him. Some little time ago, I bought the kid some lawbooks; I want him to have a smattering of the law for home use. There'sbread in that! As for literature, he's got enough of that in himalready; if he begins to kick, I've concluded that I'll make him learnsome trade; the barber's, say, or the auctioneer's, or even the lawyer's. That's one thing no one but the devil can do him out of! 'Believe whatyour daddy says, Primigenius, ' I din into his ears every day, 'wheneveryou learn a thing, it's yours. Look at Phileros the attorney; he'd notbe keeping the wolf from the door now if he hadn't studied. It's notlong since he had to carry his wares on his back and peddle them, but hecan put up a front with Norbanus himself now! Learning's a fine thing, and a trade won't starve. '"

CHAPTER THE FORTY-SEVENTH. 

Twaddle of this sort was being bandied about when Trimalchio came in;mopping his forehead and washing his hands in perfume, he said, after ashort pause, "Pardon me, gentlemen, but my stomach's been on strike forthe past few days and the doctors disagreed about the cause. Butpomegranate rind and pitch steeped in vinegar have helped me, and I hopethat my belly will get on its good behavior, for sometimes there's such arumbling in my guts that you'd think a bellowing bull was in there. Soif anyone wants to do his business, there's no call to be bashful aboutit. None of us was born solid! I don't know of any worse torment thanhaving to hold it in, it's the one thing Jupiter himself can't hold in. So you're laughing, are you, Fortunata? Why, you're always keeping meawake at night yourself. I never objected yet to anyone in mydining-room relieving himself when he wanted to, and the doctors forbidour holding it in. Everything's ready outside, if the call's moreserious, water, close-stool, and anything else you'll need. Believe me, when this rising vapor gets to the brain, it puts the whole body on theburn. Many a one I've known to kick in just because he wouldn't own upto the truth. " We thanked him for his kindness and consideration, andhid our laughter by drinking more and oftener. We had not realized that, as yet, we were only in the middle of the entertainment, with a hillstill ahead, as the saying goes. The tables were cleared off to the beatof music, and three white hogs, muzzled, and wearing bells, were broughtinto the dining-room. The announcer informed us that one was atwo-year-old, another three, and the third just turned six. I had anidea that some rope-dancers had come in and that the hogs would performtricks, just as they do for the crowd on the streets, but Trimalchiodispelled this illusion by asking, "Which one will you have served upimmediately, for dinner? Any country cook can manage a dunghill cock, apentheus hash, or little things like that, but my cooks are well used toserving up calves boiled whole, in their cauldrons!" Then he ordered acook to be called in at once, and without awaiting our pleasure, hedirected that the oldest be butchered, and demanded in a loud voice, "What division do you belong too?" When the fellow made answer that hewas from the fortieth, "Were you bought, or born upon my estates?"Trimalchio continued. "Neither, " replied the cook, "I was left to you byPansa's will. " "See to it that this is properly done, " Trimalchiowarned, "or I'll have you transferred to the division of messengers!"and the cook, bearing his master's warning in mind, departed for thekitchen with the next course in tow. 

CHAPTER THE FORTY-EIGHTH. 

Trimalchio's threatening face relaxed and he turned to us, "If the winedon't please you, " he said, "I'll change it; you ought to do justice toit by drinking it. I don't have to buy it, thanks to the gods. Everything here that makes your mouths water, was produced on one of mycountry places which I've never yet seen, but they tell me it's downTerracina and Tarentum way. I've got a notion to add Sicily to my otherlittle holdings, so in case I want to go to Africa, I'll be able to sailalong my own coasts. But tell me the subject of your speech today, Agamemnon, for, though I don't plead cases myself, I studied literaturefor home use, and for fear you should think I don't care about learning, let me inform you that I have three libraries, one Greek and the othersLatin. Give me the outline of your speech if you like me. "

"A poor man and a rich man were enemies, " Agamemmon began, when: "What'sa poor man?" Trimalchio broke in. "Well put, " Agamemnon conceded andwent into details upon some problem or other, what it was I do not know. Trimalchio instantly rendered the following verdict, "If that's the case, there's nothing to dispute about; if it's not the case, it don't amountto anything anyhow. " These flashes of wit, and others equallyscintillating, we loudly applauded, and he went on: "Tell me, my dearestAgamemnon, do you remember the twelve labors of Hercules or the story ofUlysses, how the Cyclops threw his thumb out of joint with a pig-headedcrowbar? When I was a boy, I used to read those stories in Homer. Andthen, there's the Sibyl: with my own eyes I saw her, at Cumae, hanging upin a jar; and whenever the boys would say to her 'Sibyl, Sibyl, whatwould you?' she would answer, 'I would die. '"

CHAPTER THE FORTY-NINTH. 

Before he had run out of wind, a tray upon which was an enormous hog wasplaced upon the table, almost filling it up. We began to wonder at thedispatch with which it had been prepared and swore that no cock couldhave been served up in so short a time; moreover, this hog seemed to usfar bigger than the boar had been. Trimalchio scrutinized it closely and"What the hell, " he suddenly bawled out, "this hog hain't been gutted, has it? No, it hain't, by Hercules, it hain't! Call that cook! Callthat cook in here immediately!" When the crestfallen cook stood at thetable and owned up that he had forgotten to bowel him, "So you forgot, did you?" Trimalchio shouted, "You'd think he'd only left out a bit ofpepper and cummin, wouldn't you? Off with his clothes!" The cook wasstripped without delay, and stood with hanging head, between twotorturers. We all began to make excuses for him at this, saying, "Littlethings like that are bound to happen once in a while, let us prevail uponyou to let him off; if he ever does such a thing again, not a one of uswill have a word to say in his behalf. " But for my part, I wasmercilessly angry and could not help leaning over towards Agamemnon andwhispering in his ear, "It is easily seen that this fellow is criminallycareless, is it not? How could anyone forget to draw a hog? If he hadserved me a fish in that fashion I wouldn't overlook it, by Hercules, Iwouldn't. " But that was not Trimalchio's way: his face relaxed into goodhumor and he said, "Since your memory's so short, you can gut him righthere before our eyes!" The cook put on his tunic, snatched up a carvingknife, with a trembling hand, and slashed the hog's belly in severalplaces. Sausages and meat-puddings, widening the apertures, by theirown weight, immediately tumbled out. 

CHAPTER THE FIFTIETH. 

The whole household burst into unanimous applause at this; "Hurrah forGaius, " they shouted. As for the cook, he was given a drink and a silvercrown and a cup on a salver of Corinthian bronze. Seeing that Agamemnonwas eyeing the platter closely, Trimalchio remarked, "I'm the only onethat can show the real Corinthian!" I thought that, in his usualpurse-proud manner, he was going to boast that his bronzes were allimported from Corinth, but he did even better by saying, "Wouldn't youlike to know how it is that I'm the only one that can show the realCorinthian? Well, it's because the bronze worker I patronize is namedCorinthus, and what's Corinthian unless it's what a Corinthus makes?And, so you won't think I'm a blockhead, I'm going to show you that I'mwell acquainted with how Corinthian first came into the world. When Troywas taken, Hannibal, who was a very foxy fellow and a great rascal intothe bargain, piled all the gold and silver and bronze statues in one pileand set 'em afire, melting these different metals into one: then themetal workers took their pick and made bowls and dessert dishes andstatuettes as well. That's how Corinthian was born; neither one nor theother, but an amalgam of all. But I prefer glass, if you don't mind mysaying so; it don't stink, and if it didn't break, I'd rather have itthan gold, but it's cheap and common now. "

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FIRST. 

"But there was an artisan, once upon a time, who made a glass vial thatcouldn't be broken. On that account he was admitted to Caesar with hisgift; then he dashed it upon the floor, when Caesar handed it back tohim. The Emperor was greatly startled, but the artisan picked the vialup off the pavement, and it was dented, just like a brass bowl would havebeen! He took a little hammer out of his tunic and beat out the dentwithout any trouble. When he had done that, he thought he would soon bein Jupiter's heaven, and more especially when Caesar said to him, 'Isthere anyone else who knows how to make this malleable glass? Thinknow!' And when he denied that anyone else knew the secret, Caesarordered his head chopped off, because if this should get out, we wouldthink no more of gold than we would of dirt. "

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SECOND. 

"And when it comes to silver, I'm a connoisseur; I have goblets as big aswine-jars, a hundred of 'em more or less, with engraving that shows howCassandra killed her sons, and the dead boys are lying so naturally thatyou'd think 'em alive. I own a thousand bowls which Mummius left to mypatron, where Daedalus is shown shutting Niobe up in the Trojan horse, and I also have cups engraved with the gladiatorial contests of Hermerosand Petraites: they're all heavy, too. I wouldn't sell my taste in thesematters for any money!" A slave dropped a cup while he was running on inthis fashion. Glaring at him, Trimalchio said, "Go hang yourself, sinceyou're so careless. " The boy's lip quivered and he immediately commencedto beg for mercy. "Why do you pray to me?" Trimalchio demanded, atthis: "I don't intend to be harsh with you, I'm only warning you againstbeing so awkward. " Finally, however, we got him to give the boy a pardonand no sooner had this been done than the slave started running aroundthe room crying, "Out with the water and in with the wine!" We all paidtribute to this joke, but Agamemnon in particular, for he well knew whatstrings to pull in order to secure another invitation to dinner. Tickledby our flattery, and mellowed by the wine, Trimalchio was just aboutdrunk. "Why hasn't one of you asked my Fortunata to dance?" hedemanded, "There's no one can do a better cancan, believe me, " and hehimself raised his arms above his head and favored us with animpersonation of Syrus the actor; the whole household chanting:

 Oh bravo Oh bravissimo

in chorus, and he would have danced out into the middle of the roombefore us all, had not Fortunata whispered in his ear, telling him, I suppose, that such low buffoonery was not in keeping with his dignity. But nothing could be so changeable as his humor, for one minute he stoodin awe of Fortunata, but his natural propensities would break out thenext. 

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-THIRD. 

But his passion for dancing was interrupted at this stage by astenographer who read aloud, as if he were reading the public records, "On the seventh of the Kalends of July, on Trimalchio's estates nearCumae, were born thirty boys and forty girls: five hundred pecks of wheatwere taken from the threshing floors and stored in the granaries: fivehundred oxen were put to yoke: the slave Mithridates was crucified on thesame date for cursing the genius of our master, Gaius: on said date tenmillion sesterces were returned to the vaults as no sound investmentcould be found: on said date, a fire broke out in the gardens at Pompeii, said fire originating in the house of Nasta, the bailiff. " "What'sthat?" demanded Trimalchio. "When were the gardens at Pompeii bought forme?" "Why, last year, " answered the stenographer, "for that reason theitem has not appeared in the accounts. " Trimalchio flew into a rage atthis. "If I'm not told within six months of any real estate that'sbought for me, " he shouted, "I forbid it's being carried to my account atall!" Next, the edicts of his aediles were read aloud, and the wills ofsome of his foresters in which Trimalchio was disinherited by a codicil, then the names of his bailiffs, and that of a freedwoman who had beenrepudiated by a night watchman, after she had been caught in bed with abath attendant, that of a porter banished to Baioe, a steward who wasstanding trial, and lastly the report of a decision rendered in thematter of a lawsuit, between some valets. When this was over with, somerope dancers came in and a very boresome fool stood holding a ladder, ordering his boy to dance from rung to rung, and finally at the top, allthis to the music of popular airs; then the boy was compelled to jumpthrough blazing hoops while grasping a huge wine jar with his teeth. Trimalchio was the only one who was much impressed by these tricks, remarking that it was a thankless calling and adding that in all theworld there were just two things which could give him acute pleasure, rope-dancers and horn blowers; all other entertainments were nothingbut nonsense. "I bought a company of comedians, " he went on, "but Ipreferred for them to put on Atellane farces, and I ordered myflute-player to play Latin airs only. "

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FOURTH. 

While our noble Gaius was still talking away, the boy slipped and fell, alighting upon Trimalchio's arm. The whole household cried out, as didalso the guests, not that they bore such a coarse fellow any good will, as they would gladly have seen his neck broken, but because such anunlucky ending to the dinner might make it necessary for them to go intomourning over a total stranger. As for Trimalchio, he groaned heavilyand bent over his arm as though it had been injured: doctors flockedaround him, and Fortunata was among the very first, her hair wasstreaming and she held a cup in her hand and screamed out her grief andunhappiness. As for the boy who had fallen, he was crawling at our feet, imploring pardon. I was uneasy for fear his prayers would lead up tosome ridiculous theatrical climax, for I had not yet been able to forgetthat cook who had forgotten to bowel that hog, and so, for this reason, Ibegan to scan the whole dining-room very closely, to see if an automatonwould come out through the wall; and all the more so as a slave wasbeaten for having bound up his master's bruised arm in white wool insteadof purple. Nor was my suspicion unjustified, for in place of punishment, Trimalchio ordered that the boy be freed, so that no one could say thatso exalted a personage had been injured by a slave. 

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FIFTH. 

We applauded his action and engaged in a discussion upon the instabilityof human affairs, which many took sides. "A good reason, " declaredTrimalchio, "why such an occasion shouldn't slip by without an epigram. "He called for his tablets at once, and after racking his brains for alittle while, he got off the following:

 The unexpected will turn up; Our whole lives Fortune bungles up. Falernian, boy, hand round the cup. 

This epigram led up to a discussion of the poets, and for a long time, the greatest praise was bestowed upon Mopsus the Thracian, untilTrimalchio broke in with: "Professor, I wish you'd tell me how you'dcompare Cicero and Publilius. I'm of the opinion that the first was themore eloquent, but that the last moralizes more beautifully, for what canexcel these lines?

 Insatiable luxury crumbles the walls of war; To satiate gluttony, peacocks in coops are brought Arrayed in gold plumage like Babylon tapestry rich. Numidian guinea-fowls, capons, all perish for thee: And even the wandering stork, welcome guest that he is, The emblem of sacred maternity, slender of leg And gloctoring exile from winter, herald of spring, Still, finds his last nest in the--cauldron of gluttony base. India surrenders her pearls; and what mean they to thee? That thy wife decked with sea-spoils adorning her breast and her head On the couch of a stranger lies lifting adulterous legs? The emerald green, the glass bauble, what mean they to thee? Or the fire of the ruby? Except that pure chastity shine From the depth of the jewels: in garments of woven wind clad Our brides might as well take their stand, their game naked to stalk, As seek it in gossamer tissue transparent as air. "

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SIXTH. 

"What should we say was the hardest calling, after literature?" he asked. "That of the doctor or that of the money-changer, I would say: thedoctor, because he has to know what poor devils have got in theirinsides, and when the fever's due: but I hate them like the devil, for mypart, because they're always ordering me on a diet of duck soup: and themoney-changer's, because he's got to be able to see the silver throughthe copper plating. When we come to the dumb beasts, the oxen and sheepare the hardest worked, the oxen, thanks to whose labor we have bread tochew on, the sheep, because their wool tricks us out so fine. It's thegreatest outrage under the sun for people to eat mutton and then wear atunic. Then there's the bee: in my opinion, they're divine insectsbecause they puke honey, though there are folks that claim that theybring it from Jupiter, and that's the reason they sting, too, forwherever you find a sweet, you'll find a bitter too. " He was just puttingthe philosophers out of business when lottery tickets were passed aroundin a cup. A slave boy assigned to that duty read aloud the names of thesouvenirs: "Silver s--ham, " a ham was brought in with some silver vinegarcruets on top of it; "cervical"--something soft for the neck--a piece ofthe cervix--neck--of a sheep was brought in; "serisapia"--after wit--"andcontumelia"--insult--we were given must wafers and an apple-melon--and aphallus--contus--; "porri"--leeks--"and persica, " he picked up a whip anda knife; "passeres"--sparrows" and a fly--trap, " the answer wasraisins--uva passa--and Attic honey; "cenatoria"--a dinner toga--"andforensia"--business dress--he handed out a piece of meat--suggestive ofdinner--and a note-book--suggestive of business--; "canale"--chased by adog--"and pedale"--pertaining to the foot--, a hare and a slipper werebrought out; "lamphrey"--murena--"and a letter, " he held up amouse--mus--and a frog--rana--tied together, and a bundle ofbeet--beta--the Greek letter beta--. We laughed long and loud, therewere a thousand of these jokes, more or less, which have now escaped mymemory. 

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SEVENTH. 

But Ascyltos threw off all restraint and ridiculed everything; throwingup his hands, he laughed until the tears ran down his cheeks. At last, one of Trimalchio's fellow-freedmen, the one who had the place next tome, flew into a rage, "What's the joke, sheep's-head, " he bawled, "Don'tour host's swell entertainment suit you? You're richer than he is, Isuppose, and used to dining better! As I hope the guardian spirit ofthis house will be on my side, I'd have stopped his bleating long ago ifI'd been sitting next to him. He's a peach, he is, laughing at others;some vagabond or other from who-knows-where, some night-pad who's notworth his own piss: just let me piss a ring around him and he wouldn'tknow where to run to! I ain't easy riled, no, by Hercules, I ain't, butworms breed in tender flesh. Look at him laugh! What the hell's he gotto laugh at? Is his family so damned fine-haired? So you're a Romanknight! Well, I'm a king's son! How's it come that you've been a slave, you'll ask because I put myself into service because I'd rather be aRoman citizen than a tax-paying provincial. And now I hope that my lifewill be such that no one can jeer at me. I'm a man among men! I take mystroll bareheaded and owe no man a copper cent. I never had a summons inmy life and no one ever said to me, in the forum, pay me what you owe me. I've bought a few acres and saved up a few dollars and I feed twentybellies and a dog. I ransomed my bedfellow so no one could wipe hishands on her bosom; a thousand dinars it cost me, too. I was chosenpriest of Augustus without paying the fee, and I hope that I won't needto blush in my grave after I'm dead. But you're so busy that you can'tlook behind you; you can spot a louse on someone else, all right, but youcan't see the tick on yourself. You're the only one that thinks we're sofunny; look at your professor, he's older than you are, and we're goodenough for him, but you're only a brat with the milk still in your noseand all you can prattle is 'ma' or 'mu, ' you're only a clay pot, a pieceof leather soaked in water, softer and slipperier, but none the betterfor that. You've got more coin than we have, have you? Then eat twobreakfasts and two dinners a day. I'd rather have my reputation thanriches, for my part, and before I make an end of this--who ever dunned metwice? In all the forty years I was in service, no one could tellwhether I was free or a slave. I was only a long-haired boy when I cameto this colony and the town house was not built then. I did my best toplease my master and he was a digniferous and majestical gentleman whosenail-parings were worth more than your whole carcass. I had enemies inhis house, too, who would have been glad to trip me up, but I swam theflood, thanks to his kindness. Those are the things that try yourmettle, for it's as easy to be born a gentleman as to say, 'Come here. 'Well, what are you gaping at now, like a billy-goat in a vetch-field?"

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-EIGHTH. 

Giton, who had been standing at my feet, and who had for some time beenholding in his laughter, burst into an uproarious guffaw, at this lastfigure of speech, and when Ascyltos' adversary heard it, he turned hisabuse upon the boy. "What's so funny, you curly-headed onion, " hebellowed, "are the Saturnalia here, I'd like to know? Is it Decembernow?

"When did you pay your twentieth? What's this to you, you gallows-bird, you crow's meat? I'll call the anger of Jupiter down on you and thatmaster of yours, who don't keep you in better order. If I didn't respectmy fellow-freedmen, I'd give you what is coming to you right here on thespot, as I hope to get my belly full of bread, I would. We'll get alongwell enough, but those that can't control you are fools; like master likeman's a true saying. I can hardly hold myself in and I'm not hot-headedby nature, but once let me get a start and I don't care two cents for myown mother. All right, I'll catch you in the street, you rat, youtoadstool. May I never grow an inch up or down if I don't push yourmaster into a dunghill, and I'll give you the same medicine, I will, byHercules, I will, no matter if you call down Olympian Jupiter himself!I'll take care of your eight inch ringlets and your two cent master intothe bargain. I'll have my teeth into you, either you'll cut out thelaughing, or I don't know myself. Yes, even if you had a golden beard. I'll bring the wrath of Minerva down on you and on the fellow that firstmade a come-here out of you. No, I never learned geometry or criticismor other foolishness like that, but I know my capital letters and I candivide any figure by a hundred, be it in asses, pounds or sesterces. Let's have a show-down, you and I will make a little bet, here's my coin;you'll soon find out that your father's money was wasted on youreducation, even if you do know a little rhetoric. How's this--what partof us am I? I come far, I come wide, now guess me! I'll give youanother. What part of us runs but never moves from its place? What partof us grows but always grows less? But you scurry around and are asflustered and fidgeted as a mouse in a piss-pot. Shut up and don't annoyyour betters, who don't even know that you've been born. Don't thinkthat I'm impressed by those boxwood armlets that you did your mistressout of. Occupo will back me! Let's go into the forum and borrow money, then you'll see whether this iron ring means credit! Bah! A draggledfox is a fine sight, ain't it'? I hope I never get rich and die decentlyso that the people will swear by my death, if I don't hound youeverywhere with my toga turned inside out. And the fellow that taughtyou such manners did a good job too, a chattering ape, all right, noschoolmaster. We were better taught. 'Is everything in its place?' themaster would ask; go straight home and don't stop and stare at everythingand don't be impudent to your elders. Don't loiter along looking in atthe shops. No second raters came out of that school. I'm what you seeme and I thank the gods it's all due to my own cleverness. "

CHAPTER THE FIFTY-NINTH. 

Ascyltos was just starting in to answer this indictment when Trimalchio, who was delighted with his fellow-freedman's tirade, broke in, "Cut outthe bickering and let's have things pleasant here. Let up on the youngfellow, Hermeros, he's hot-blooded, so you ought to be more reasonable. The loser's always the winner in arguments of this kind. And as for you, even when you were a young punk you used to go 'Co-co co-co, ' like a henafter a rooster, but you had no pep. Let's get to better business andstart the fun all over again and watch the Homerists. " A troupe filedin, immediately, and clashed spears against shields. Trimalchio sathimself up on his cushion and intoned in Latin, from a book, while theactors, in accordance with their conceited custom, recited their parts inthe Greek language. There came a pause, presently, and "You don't any ofyou know the plot of the skit they're putting on, do you?" he asked, "Diomedes and Ganymede were two brothers, and Helen was their sister;Agamemnon ran away with her and palmed off a doe on Diana, in her place, so Homer tells how the Trojans and Parentines fought among themselves. Of course Agamemnon was victorious, and gave his daughter Iphigenia, toAchilles, for a wife: This caused Ajax to go mad, and he'll soon make thewhole thing plain to you. " The Homerists raised a shout, as soon asTrimalchio had done speaking, and, as the whole familia stepped back, aboiled calf with a helmet on its head was brought in on an enormousplatter. Ajax followed and rushed upon it with drawn sword, as if hewere insane, he made passes with the flat, and again with the edge, andthen, collecting the slices, he skewered them, and, much to ourastonishment, presented them to us on the point of his sword. 

CHAPTER THE SIXTIETH. 

But we were not given long in which to admire the elegance of suchservice, for all of a sudden the ceiling commenced to creak and then thewhole dining-room shook. I leaped to my feet in consternation, for fearsome rope-walker would fall down, and the rest of the company raisedtheir faces, wondering as much as I what new prodigy was to be announcedfrom on high. Then lo and behold! the ceiling panels parted and anenormous hoop, which appeared to have been knocked off a huge cask, waslowered from the dome above; its perimeter was hung with golden chapletsand jars of alabaster filled with perfume. We were asked to accept thesearticles as souvenirs. When my glance returned to the table, I noticedthat a dish containing cakes had been placed upon it, and in the middlean image of Priapus, made by the baker, and he held apples of allvarieties and bunches of grapes against his breast, in the conventionalmanner. We applied ourselves wholeheartedly to this dessert and ourjoviality was suddenly revived by a fresh diversion, for, at theslightest pressure, all the cakes and fruits would squirt a saffron sauceupon us, and even spurted unpleasantly into our faces. Being convincedthat these perfumed dainties had some religious significance, we arose ina body and shouted, "Hurrah for the Emperor, the father of his country!"However, as we perceived that even after this act of veneration, theothers continued helping themselves, we filled our napkins with theapples. I was especially keen on this, for I thought I could never putenough good things into Giton's lap. Three slaves entered, in themeantime, dressed in white tunics well tucked up, and two of them placedLares with amulets hanging from their necks, upon the table, while thethird carried round a bowl of wine and cried, "May the gods bepropitious!" One was called Cerdo--business--, Trimalchio informed us, the other Lucrio--luck--and the third Felicio--profit--and, when all therest had kissed a true likeness of Trimalchio, we were ashamed to pass itby. 

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FIRST. 

After they had all wished each other sound minds and good health, Trimalchio turned to Niceros. "You used to be better company atdinner, " he remarked, "and I don't know why you should be dumb today, with never a word to say. If you wish to make me happy, tell about thatexperience you had, I beg of you. " Delighted at the affability of hisfriend, "I hope I lose all my luck if I'm not tickled to death at thehumor I see you in, " Niceros replied. "All right, let's go the limit fora good time, though I'm afraid these scholars'll laugh at me, but I'lltell my tale and they can go as far as they like. What t'hell do I carewho laughs? It's better to be laughed at than laughed down. " Thesewords spake the hero, and began the following tale: "We lived in a narrowstreet in the house Gavilla now owns, when I was a slave. There, by thewill of the gods, I fell in love with the wife of Terentius, theinnkeeper; you knew Melissa of Tarentum, that pretty round-checked littlewench. It was no carnal passion, so hear me, Hercules, it wasn't; I wasnot in love with her physical charms. No, it was because she was such agood sport. I never asked her for a thing and had her deny me; if shehad an as, I had half. I trusted her with everything I had and never wasdone out of anything. Her husband up and died on the place, one day, soI tried every way I could to get to her, for you know friends ought toshow up when anyone's in a pinch. "

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SECOND. 

"It so happened that our master had gone to Capua to attend to some oddsand ends of business and I seized the opportunity, and persuaded a guestof the house to accompany me as far as the fifth mile-stone. He was asoldier, and as brave as the very devil. We set out about cock-crow, themoon was shining as bright as midday, and came to where the tombstonesare. My man stepped aside amongst them, but I sat down, singing, andcommenced to count them up. When I looked around for my companion, hehad stripped himself and piled his clothes by the side of the road. Myheart was in my mouth, and I sat there while he pissed a ring around themand was suddenly turned into a wolf! Now don't think I'm joking, Iwouldn't lie for any amount of money, but as I was saying, he commencedto howl after he was turned into a wolf, and ran away into the forest. I didn't know where I was for a minute or two, then I went to hisclothes, to pick them up, and damned if they hadn't turned to stone! Wasever anyone nearer dead from fright than me? Then I whipped out my swordand cut every shadow along the road to bits, till I came to the house ofmy mistress. I looked like a ghost when I went in, and I nearly slippedmy wind. The sweat was pouring down my crotch, my eyes were staring, andI could hardly be brought around. My Melissa wondered why I was out solate. "Oh, if you'd only come sooner, " she said, "you could have helpedus: a wolf broke into the folds and attacked the sheep, bleeding themlike a butcher. But he didn't get the laugh on me, even if he did getaway, for one of the slaves ran his neck through with a spear!" Icouldn't keep my eyes shut any longer when I heard that, and as soon asit grew light, I rushed back to our Gaius' house like an innkeeper beatenout of his bill, and when I came to the place where the clothes had beenturned into stone, there was nothing but a pool of blood! And moreover, when I got home, my soldier was lying in bed, like an ox, and a doctorwas dressing his neck! I knew then that he was a werewolf, and afterthat, I couldn't have eaten a crumb of bread with him, no, not if you hadkilled me. Others can think what they please about this, but as for me, I hope your geniuses will all get after me if I lie. "

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-THIRD. 

We were all dumb with astonishment, when "I take your story for granted, "said Trimalchio, "and if you'll believe me, my hair stood on end, andall the more, because I know that Niceros never talks nonsense: he'salways level-headed, not a bit gossipy. And now I'll tell you ahair-raiser myself, though I'm like a jackass on a slippery pavementcompared to him. When I was a long-haired boy, for I lived a Chian lifefrom my youth up, my master's minion died. He was a jewel, so hear meHercules, he was, perfect in every facet. While his sorrow-strickenmother was bewailing his loss, and the rest of us were lamenting withher, the witches suddenly commenced to screech so loud that you wouldhave thought a hare was being run down by the hounds! At that time, wehad a Cappadocian slave, tall, very bold, and he had muscle too; hecould hold a mad bull in the air! He wrapped a mantle around his leftarm, boldly rushed out of doors with drawn sword, and ran a womanthrough the middle about here, no harm to what I touch. We heard ascream, but as a matter of fact, for I won't lie to you, we didn't catchsight of the witches themselves. Our simpleton came back presently, andthrew himself upon the bed. His whole body was black and blue, as if hehad been flogged with whips, and of course the reason of that was shehad touched him with her evil hand! We shut the door and returned toour business, but when the mother put her arms around the body of herson, it turned out that it was only a straw bolster, no heart, no guts, nothing! Of course the witches had swooped down upon the lad and putthe straw changeling in his place! Believe me or not, suit yourselves, but I say that there are women that know too much, and night-hags, too, and they turn everything upside down! And as for the long-haired booby, he never got back his own natural color and he died, raving mad, a fewdays later. "

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FOURTH. 

Though we wondered greatly, we believed none the less implicitly and, kissing the table, we besought the night-hags to attend to their ownaffairs while we were returning home from dinner. As far as I wasconcerned, the lamps already seemed to burn double and the wholedining-room was going round, when "See here, Plocamus, " Trimalchio spokeup, "haven't you anything to tell us? You haven't entertained us at all, have you? And you used to be fine company, always ready to oblige with arecitation or a song. The gods bless us, how the green figs havefallen!" "True for you, " the fellow answered, "since I've got the goutmy sporting days are over; but in the good old times when I was a youngspark, I nearly sang myself into a consumption. How I used to dance!And take my part in a farce, or hold up my end in the barber shops! Whocould hold a candle to me except, of course, the one and only Apelles?"He then put his hand to his mouth and hissed out some foul gibberish orother, and said afterwards that it was Greek. Trimalchio himself thenfavored us with an impersonation of a man blowing a trumpet, and when hehad finished, he looked around for his minion, whom he called Croesus, ablear-eyed slave whose teeth were very disagreeably discolored. He wasplaying with a little black bitch, disgustingly fat, wrapping her up in aleek-green scarf and teasing her with a half-loaf of bread which he hadput on the couch; and when from sheer nausea, she refused it, he crammedit down her throat. This sight put Trimalchio in mind of his own dog andhe ordered Scylax, "the guardian of his house and home, " to be broughtin. An enormous dog was immediately led in upon a chain and, obeying akick from the porter, it lay down beside the table. Thereupon Trimalchioremarked, as he threw it a piece of white bread, "No one in all my houseloves me better than Scylax. " Enraged at Trimalchio's praising Scylax sowarmly, the slave put the bitch down upon the floor and sicked her on tofight. Scylax, as might have been expected from such a dog, made thewhole room ring with his hideous barking and nearly shook the life out ofthe little bitch which the slave called Pearl. Nor did the uproar end ina dog fight, a candelabrum was upset upon the table, breaking the glassesand spattering some of the guests with hot oil. As Trimalchio did notwish to seem concerned at the loss, he kissed the boy and ordered him toclimb upon his own back. The slave did not hesitate but, mounting hisrocking-horse, he beat Trimalchio's shoulders with his open palms, yelling with laughter, "Buck! Buck! How many fingers do I hold up!"When Trimalchio had, in a measure, regained his composure, which took buta little while, he ordered that a huge vessel be filled with mixed wine, and that drinks be served to all the slaves sitting around our feet, adding as an afterthought, "If anyone refuses to drink, pour it on hishead: business is business, but now's the time for fun. "

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FIFTH. 

The dainties that followed this display of affability were of such anature that, if any reliance is to be placed in my word, the very mentionof them makes me sick at the stomach. Instead of thrushes, fattenedchickens were served, one to each of us, and goose eggs with pastry capson them, which same Trimalchio earnestly entreated us to eat, informingus that the chickens had all been boned. Just at that instant, however, a lictor knocked at the dining-room door, and a reveler, clad in whitevestments, entered, followed by a large retinue. Startled at such pomp, I thought that the Praetor had arrived, so I put my bare feet upon thefloor and started to get up, but Agamemnon laughed at my anxiety andsaid, "Keep your seat, you idiot, it's only Habinnas the sevir; he's astone mason, and if report speaks true, he makes the finest tombstonesimaginable. " Reassured by this information, I lay back upon my couch andwatched Habinnas' entrance with great curiosity. Already drunk andwearing several wreaths, his forehead smeared with perfume which ran downinto his eyes, he advanced with his hands upon his wife's shoulders, and, seating himself in the Praetor's place, he called for wine and hot water. Delighted with his good humor, Trimalchio called for a larger goblet forhimself, and asked him, at the same time, how he had been entertained. "We had everything except yourself, for my heart and soul were here, butit was fine, it was, by Hercules. Scissa was giving a Novendial feastfor her slave, whom she freed on his death-bed, and it's my opinionshe'll have a large sum to split with the tax gatherers, for the dead manwas rated at 50, 000, but everything went off well, even if we did have topour half our wine on the bones of the late lamented. "

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SIXTH. 

"But, " demanded Trimalchio, "what did you have for dinner'?" "I'll tellyou if I can, " answered he, "for my memory's so good that I often forgetmy own name. Let's see, for the first course, we had a hog, crowned witha wine cup and garnished with cheese cakes and chicken livers cooked welldone, beets, of course, and whole-wheat bread, which I'd rather havethan white, because it puts strength into you, and when I take a crapafterwards, I don't have to yell. Following this, came a course oftarts, served cold, with excellent Spanish wine poured over warm honey;I ate several of the tarts and got the honey all over myself. Then therewere chick-peas and lupines, all the smooth-shelled nuts you wanted, andan apple apiece, but I got away with two, and here they are, tied up inmy napkin; for I'll have a row on my hands if I don't bring some kind ofa present home to my favorite slave. Oh yes, my wife has just remindedme, there was a haunch of bear-meat as a side dish, Scintilla ate some ofit without knowing what it was, and she nearly puked up her guts when shefound out. But as for me, I ate more than a pound of it, for it tastedexactly like wild boar and, says I, if a bear eats a man, shouldn't thatbe all the more reason for a man to eat a bear? The last course was softcheese, new wine boiled thick, a snail apiece, a helping of tripe, liverpate, capped eggs, turnips and mustard. But that's enough. Pickledolives were handed around in a wooden bowl, and some of the partygreedily snatched three handfuls, we had ham, too, but we sent it back. "

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SEVENTH. 

"But why isn't Fortunata at the table, Gaius? Tell me. " "What's that, "Trimalchio replied; "don't you know her better than that? She wouldn'ttouch even a drop of water till after the silver was put away and theleftovers divided among the slaves. " "I'm going to beat it if she don'ttake her place, " Habinnas threatened, and started to get up; and then, at a signal, the slaves all called out together "Fortunata, " four timesor more. 

She appeared, girded round with a sash of greenish yellow, below which acherry-colored tunic could be seen, and she had on twisted anklets andsandals worked in gold. Then, wiping her hands upon a handkerchief whichshe wore around her neck, she seated herself upon the couch, besideScintilla, Habinnas' wife, and clapping her hands and kissing her, "Mydear, " she gushed, "is it really you?" Fortunata then removed thebracelets from her pudgy arms and held them out to the admiringScintilla, and by and by she took off her anklets and even her yellowhair-net, which was twenty-four carats fine, she would have us know!Trimalchio, who was on the watch, ordered every trinket to be brought tohim. "You see these things, don't you?" he demanded; "they're whatwomen fetter us with. That's the way us poor suckers are done! Theseought to weigh six pounds and a half. I have an arm-band myself, thatdon't weigh a grain under ten pounds; I bought it out of Mercury'sthousandths, too. " Finally, for fear he would seem to be lying, heordered the scales to be brought in and carried around to prove theweights. And Scintilla was no better. She took off a small goldenvanity case which she wore around her neck, and which she called herLucky Box, and took from it two eardrops, which, in her turn, she handedto Fortunata to be inspected. "Thanks to the generosity of my husband, "she smirked, "no woman has better. " "What's that?" Habinnas demanded. "You kept on my trail to buy that glass bean for you; if I had adaughter, I'll be damned if I wouldn't cut off her little ears. We'dhave everything as cheap as dirt if there were no women, but we have topiss hot and drink cold, the way things are now. " The women, angrythough they were, were laughing together, in the meantime, and exchangingdrunken kisses, the one running on about her diligence as a housekeeper, and the other about the infidelities and neglect of her husband. Habinnas got up stealthily, while they were clinging together in thisfashion and, seizing Fortunata by the feet, he tipped her over backwardsupon the couch. "Let go!" she screeched, as her tunic slipped above herknees; then, after pulling down her clothing, she threw herself intoScintilla's lap, and hid, with her handkerchief, a face which was nonethe more beautiful for its blushes. 

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-EIGHTH. 

After a short interval, Trimalchio gave orders for the dessert to beserved, whereupon the slaves took away all the tables and brought inothers, and sprinkled the floor with sawdust mixed with saffron andvermilion, and also with powdered mica, a thing I had never seen donebefore. When all this was done Trimalchio remarked, "I could restcontent with this course, for you have your second tables, but, if you'vesomething especially nice, why bring it on. " Meanwhile an Alexandrianslave boy, who had been serving hot water, commenced to imitate anightingale, and when Trimalchio presently called out, "Change yourtune, " we had another surprise, for a slave, sitting at Habinnas' feet, egged on, I have no doubt, by his own master, bawled suddenly in asingsong voice, "Meanwhile AEneas and all of his fleet held his course onthe billowy deep"; never before had my ears been assailed by a sound sodiscordant, for in addition to his barbarous pronunciation, and theraising and lowering of his voice, he interpolated Atellane verses, and, for the first time in my life, Virgil grated on my nerves. When he hadto quit, finally, from sheer want of breath, "Did he ever have anytraining, " Habinnas exclaimed, "no, not he! I educated him by sendinghim among the grafters at the fair, so when it comes to taking off abarker or a mule driver, there's not his equal, and the rogue's clever, too, he's a shoemaker, or a cook, or a baker a regular jack of alltrades. But he has two faults, and if he didn't have them, he'd bebeyond all price: he snores and he's been circumcised. And that's thereason he never can keep his mouth shut and always has an eye open. Ipaid three hundred dinars for him. "

CHAPTER THE SIXTY-NINTH. 

"Yes, " Scintilla broke in, "and you've not mentioned all of hisaccomplishments either; he's a pimp too, and I'm going to see that he'sbranded, " she snapped. Trimalchio laughed. "There's where theCappadocian comes out, " he said; "never cheats himself out of anythingand I admire him for it, so help me Hercules, I do. No one can show adead man a good time. Don't be jealous, Scintilla; we're next to youwomen, too, believe me. As sure as you see me here safe and sound, Iused to play at thrust and parry with Mamma, my mistress, and finallyeven my master got suspicious and sent me back to a stewardship; but keepquiet, tongue, and I'll give you a cake. " Taking all this as praise, thewretched slave pulled a small earthen lamp from a fold in his garment, and impersonated a trumpeter for half an hour or more, while Habinnashummed with him, holding his finger pressed to his lips. Finally, theslave stepped out into the middle of the floor and waved his pipes inimitation of a flute-player; then, with a whip and a smock, he enactedthe part of a mule-driver. At last Habinnas called him over and kissedhim and said, as he poured a drink for him, "You get better all the time, Massa. I'm going to give you a pair of shoes. " Had not the dessert beenbrought in, we would never have gotten to the end of these stupidities. Thrushes made of pastry and stuffed with nuts and raisins, quinces withspines sticking out so that they looked like sea-urchins. All this wouldhave been endurable enough had it not been for the last dish that wasserved; so revolting was this, that we would rather have died ofstarvation than to have even touched it. We thought that a fat goose, flanked with fish and all kinds of birds, had been served, untilTrimalchio spoke up. "Everything you see here, my friends, " said he, "was made from the same stuff. " With my usual keen insight, I jumped tothe conclusion that I knew what that stuff was and, turning to Agamemnon, I said, "I shall be greatly surprised, if all those things are not madeout of excrement, or out of mud, at the very least: I saw a like artificepracticed at Rome during the Saturnalia. "

CHAPTER THE SEVENTIETH. 

I had not done speaking, when Trimalchio chimed in, "As I hope to growfatter in fortune but not in figure, my cook has made all this out of ahog! It would be simply impossible to meet up with a more valuablefellow: he'd make you a fish out of a sow's coynte, if that's what youwanted, a pigeon out of her lard, a turtle-dove out of her ham, and a henout of a knuckle of pork: that's why I named him Daedalus, in a happymoment. I brought him a present of knives, from Rome, because he's sosmart; they're made of Noric steel, too. " He ordered them brought inimmediately, and looked them over, with admiration, even giving us thechance to try their edges upon our cheeks. Then all of a sudden twoslaves came in, carrying on as if they had been fighting at the fountain, at least; each one had a water-jar hanging from a yoke around his neck. Trimalchio arbitrated their difference, but neither would abide by hisdecision, and each one smashed the other's jar with a club. Perturbed atthe insolence of these drunken ruffians, we watched both of themnarrowly, while they were fighting, and then, what should come pouringout of the broken jars but oysters and scallops, which a slave picked upand passed around in a dish. The resourceful cook would not permithimself to be outdone by such refinements, but served us with snails on asilver gridiron, and sang continually in a tremulous and very discordantvoice. I am ashamed to have to relate what followed, for, contrary toall convention, some long-haired boys brought in unguents in a silverbasin and anointed the feet of the reclining guests; but before doingthis, however, they bound our thighs and ankles with garlands of flowers. They then perfumed the wine-mixing vessel with the same unguent andpoured some of the melted liquid into the lamps. Fortunata had, by thistime, taken a notion that she wanted to dance, and Scintilla was doingmore hand-clapping than talking, when Trimalchio called out, "Philargyrus, and you too, Carrio, you can both come to the table;even if you are green faction fans, and tell your bedfellow, Menophila, to come too. " What would you think happened then? We were nearlycrowded off the couches by the mob of slaves that crowded into thedining-room and almost filled it full. As a matter of fact, I noticedthat our friend the cook, who had made a goose out of a hog, was placednext to me, and he stunk from sauces and pickle. Not satisfied with aplace at the table, he immediately staged an impersonation of Ephesus thetragedian, and then he suddenly offered to bet his master that the greenswould take first place in the next circus games. 

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FIRST. 

Trimalchio was hugely tickled at this challenge. "Slaves are men, myfriends, " he observed, "but that's not all, they sucked the same milkthat we did, even if hard luck has kept them down; and they'll drink thewater of freedom if I live: to make a long story short, I'm freeing allof them in my will. To Philargyrus, I'm leaving a farm, and hisbedfellow, too. Carrio will get a tenement house and his twentieth, and a bed and bedclothes to boot. I'm making Fortunata my heir and Icommend her to all my friends. I announce all this in public so that myhousehold will love me as well now as they will when I'm dead. " They allcommenced to pay tribute to the generosity of their master, when he, putting aside his trifling, ordered a copy of his will brought in, whichsame he read aloud from beginning to end, to the groaning accompanimentof the whole household. Then, looking at Habinnas, "What say you, mydearest friend, " he entreated; "you'll construct my monument in keepingwith the plans I've given you, won't you? I earnestly beg that you carvea little bitch at the feet of my statue, some wreaths and some jars ofperfume, and all of the fights of Petraites. Then I'll be able to liveeven after I'm dead, thanks to your kindness. See to it that it has afrontage of one hundred feet and a depth of two hundred. I want fruittrees of every kind planted around my ashes; and plenty of vines, too, for it's all wrong for a man to deck out his house when he's alive, andthen have no pains taken with the one he must stay in for a longer time, and that's the reason I particularly desire that this notice be added:

 --THIS MONUMENT DOES NOT-- --DESCEND TO AN HEIR--

"In any case, I'll see to it through a clause in my will, that I'm notinsulted when I'm dead. And for fear the rabble comes running up into mymonument, to crap, I'll appoint one of my freedmen custodian of my tomb. I want you to carve ships under full sail on my monument, and me, in myrobes of office, sitting on my tribunal, five gold rings on my fingers, pouring out coin from a sack for the people, for I gave a dinner and twodinars for each guest, as you know. Show a banquet-hall, too, if youcan, and the people in it having a good time. On my right, you can placea statue of Fortunata holding a dove and leading a little bitch on aleash, and my favorite boy, and large jars sealed with gypsum, so thewine won't run out; show one broken and a boy crying over it. Put asun-dial in the middle, so that whoever looks to see what time it is mustread my name whether he wants to or not. As for the inscription, thinkthis over carefully, and see if you think it's appropriate:

 HERE RESTS G POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO FREEDMAN OF MAECENAS DECREED AUGUSTAL, SEVIR IN HIS ABSENCE HE COULD HAVE BEEN A MEMBER OF EVERY DECURIA OF ROME BUT WOULD NOT CONSCIENTIOUS BRAVE LOYAL HE GREW RICH FROM LITTLE AND LEFT THIRTY MILLION SESTERCES BEHIND HE NEVER HEARD A PHILOSOPHER FAREWELL TRIMALCHIO FAREWELL PASSERBY"

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SECOND. 

When he had repeated these words, Trimalchio began to weep copiously, Fortunata was crying already, and so was Habinnas, and at last, the wholehousehold filled the dining-room with their lamentations, just as if theywere taking part in a funeral. Even I was beginning to sniffle, whenTrimalchio said, "Let's live while we can, since we know we've all got todie. I'd rather see you all happy, anyhow, so let's take a plunge in thebath. You'll never regret it. I'll bet my life on that, it's as hot asa furnace!" "Fine business, " seconded Habinnas, "there's nothing suitsme better than making two days out of one, " and he got up in his barefeet to follow Trimalchio, who was clapping his hands. I looked atAscyltos. "What do you think about this?" I asked. "The very sight of abath will be the death of me. " "Let's fall in with his suggestion, " hereplied, "and while they are hunting for the bath we will escape in thecrowd. " Giton led us out through the porch, when we had reached thisunderstanding, and we came to a door, where a dog on a chain startled usso with his barking that Ascyltos immediately fell into the fish-pond. As for myself, I was tipsy and had been badly frightened by a dog thatwas only a painting, and when I tried to haul the swimmer out, I wasdragged into the pool myself. The porter finally came to our rescue, quieted the dog by his appearance, and pulled us, shivering, to dry land. Giton had ransomed himself by a very cunning scheme, for what we hadsaved for him, from dinner, he threw to the barking brute, which thencalmed its fury and became engrossed with the food. But when, withchattering teeth, we besought the porter to let us out at the door, "Ifyou think you can leave by the same door you came in at, " he replied, "you're mistaken: no guest is ever allowed to go out through the samedoor he came in at; some are for entrance, others for exit. "

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-THIRD. 

What were we miserable wretches to do, shut up in this newfangledlabyrinth. The idea of taking a hot bath had commenced to grow in favor, so we finally asked the porter to lead us to the place and, throwing offour clothing, which Giton spread out in the hall to dry, we went in. It was very small, like a cold water cistern; Trimalchio was standingupright in it, and one could not escape his disgusting bragging evenhere. He declared that there was nothing nicer than bathing without amob around, and that a bakery had formerly occupied this very spot. Tired out at last, he sat down, but when the echoes of the place temptedhim, he lifted his drunken mouth to the ceiling, and commenced murderingthe songs of Menacrates, at least that is what we were told by those whounderstood his language. Some of the guests joined hands and ran aroundthe edge of the pool, making the place ring with their boisterous pealsof laughter; others tried to pick rings up from the floor, with theirhands tied behind them, or else, going down upon their knees, tried totouch the ends of their toes by bending backwards. We went down into thepool while the rest were taking part in such amusements. It was beingheated for Trimalchio. When the fumes of the wine had been dissipated, we were conducted into another dining-room where Fortunata had laid outher own treasures; I noticed, for instance, that there were little bronzefishermen upon the lamps, the tables were of solid silver, the cups wereporcelain inlaid with gold; before our eyes wine was being strainedthrough a straining cloth. "One of my slaves shaves his first beardtoday, " Trimalchio remarked, at length, "a promising, honest, thriftylad; may he have no bad luck, so let's get our skins full and stickaround till morning. "

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FOURTH. 

He had not ceased speaking when a cock crowed! Alarmed at this omen, Trimalchio ordered wine thrown under the table and told them to sprinklethe lamps with it; and he even went so far as to change his ring from hisleft hand to his right. "That trumpeter did not sound off without areason, " he remarked; "there's either a fire in the neighborhood, or elsesomeone's going to give up the ghost. I hope it's none of us! Whoeverbrings that Jonah in shall have a present. " He had no sooner made thispromise, than a cock was brought in from somewhere in the neighborhoodand Trimalchio ordered the cook to prepare it for the pot. That sameversatile genius who had but a short time before made birds and fish outof a hog, cut it up; it was then consigned to the kettle, and whileDaedalus was taking a long hot drink, Fortunata ground pepper in aboxwood mill. When these delicacies had been consumed, Trimalchio lookedthe slaves over. "You haven't had anything to eat yet, have you?" heasked. "Get out and let another relay come on duty. " Thereupon a secondrelay came in. "Farewell, Gaius, " cried those going off duty, and "Hail, Gaius, " cried those coming on. Our hilarity was somewhat dampened soonafter, for a boy, who was by no means bad looking, came in among thefresh slaves. Trimalchio seized him and kissed him lingeringly, whereupon Fortunata, asserting her rights in the house, began to rail atTrimalchio, styling him an abomination who set no limits to his lechery, finally ending by calling him a dog. Trimalchio flew into a rage at herabuse and threw a wine cup at her head, whereupon she screeched, as ifshe had had an eye knocked out and covered her face with her tremblinghands. Scintilla was frightened, too, and shielded the shuddering womanwith her garment. An officious slave presently held a cold water pitcherto her cheek and Fortunata bent over it, sobbing and moaning. But as forTrimalchio, "What the hell's next?" he gritted out, "this Syriandancing-whore don't remember anything! I took her off the auction blockand made her a woman among her equals, didn't I? And here she puffsherself up like a frog and pukes in her own nest; she's a blockhead, allright, not a woman. But that's the way it is, if you're born in an atticyou can't sleep in a palace I'll see that this booted Cassandra's tamed, so help me my Genius, I will! And I could have married ten million, evenif I did only have two cents: you know I'm not lying! 'Let me give you atip, ' said Agatho, the perfumer to the lady next door, when he pulled measide: 'don't let your line die out!' And here I've stuck the ax into myown leg because I was a damned fool and didn't want to seem fickle. I'llsee to it that you're more careful how you claw me up, sure as you'reborn, I will! That you may realize how seriously I take what you've doneto me--Habinnas, I don't want you to put her statue on my tomb for fearI'll be nagged even after I'm dead! And furthermore, that she may know Ican repay a bad turn, I won't have her kissing me when I'm laid out!"

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FIFTH. 

When Trimalchio had launched this thunderbolt, Habinnas commenced tobeg him to control his anger. "There's not one of us but goes wrongsometimes, " argued he; "we're not gods, we're men. " Scintilla also criedout through her tears, calling him "Gaius, " and entreating him by hisguardian angel to be mollified. Trimalchio could restrain the tears nolonger. "Habinnas, " he blubbered, "as you hope to enjoy your money, spitin my face if I've done anything wrong. I kissed him because he's verythrifty, not because he's a pretty boy. He can recite his division tableand read a book at sight: he bought himself a Thracian uniform from hissavings from his rations, and a stool and two dippers, with his ownmoney, too. He's worth my attention, ain't he? But Fortunata won't seeit! Ain't that the truth, you high-stepping hussy'? Let me beg you tomake the best of what you've got, you shekite, and don't make me show myteeth, my little darling, or you'll find out what my temper's like!Believe me, when once I've made up my mind, I'm as fixed as a spike in abeam! But let's think of the living. I hope you'll all make yourselvesat home, gentlemen: I was in your fix myself once; but rose to what I amnow by my own merit. It's the brains that makes the man, all the rest'sbunk. I buy well, I sell well, someone else will tell you a differentstory, but as for myself, I'm fairly busting with prosperity. What, grunting-sow, still bawling? I'll see to it that you've something tobawl for, but as I started to say, it was my thrift that brought me tomy fortune. I was just as tall as that candlestick when I came over fromAsia; every day I used to measure myself by it, and I would smear my lipswith oil so my beard would sprout all the sooner. I was my master's'mistress' for fourteen years, for there's nothing wrong in doing whatyour master orders, and I satisfied my mistress, too, during that time, you know what I mean, but I'll say no more, for I'm not one of yourbraggarts!"

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SIXTH. 

"At last it came about by the will of the gods that I was master in thehouse, and I had the real master under my thumb then. What is thereleft to tell? I was made co-heir with Caesar and came into a Senator'sfortune. But nobody's ever satisfied with what he's got, so I embarkedin business. I won't keep you long in suspense; I built five ships andloaded them with wine--worth its weight in gold, it was then--and sentthem to Rome. You'd think I'd ordered it so, for every last one of themfoundered; it's a fact, no fairy tale about it, and Neptune swallowedthirty million sesterces in one day! You don't think I lost my pep, doyou? By Hercules, no! That was only an appetizer for me, just as ifnothing at all had happened. I built other and bigger ships, betterfound, too, so no one could say I wasn't game. A big ship's a bigventure, you know. I loaded them up with wine again, bacon, beans, Capuan perfumes, and slaves: Fortunata did the right thing in thisaffair, too, for she sold every piece of jewelry and all her clothes intothe bargain, and put a hundred gold pieces in my hand. They were thenest-egg of my fortune. A thing's soon done when the gods will it;I cleared ten million sesterces by that voyage, all velvet, and boughtin all the estates that had belonged to my patron, right away. I builtmyself a house and bought cattle to resell, and whatever I touched grewjust like a honeycomb. I chucked the game when I got to have an incomegreater than all the revenues of my own country, retired from business, and commenced to back freedmen. I never liked business anyhow, as far asthat goes, and was just about ready to quit when an astrologer, a Greekfellow he was, and his name was Serapa, happened to light in our colony, and he slipped me some information and advised me to quit. He was hep toall the secrets of the gods: told me things about myself that I'dforgotten, and explained everything to me from needle and thread up; knewme inside out, he did, and only stopped short of telling me what I'd hadfor dinner the day before. You'd have thought he'd lived with mealways!"

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SEVENTH. 

"Habinnas, you were there, I think, I'll leave it to you; didn't he say--'You took your wife out of a whore-house'? you're as lucky in yourfriends, too, no one ever repays your favor with another, you own broadestates, you nourish a viper under your wing, and--why shouldn't I tellit--I still have thirty years, four months, and two days to live! I'llalso come into another bequest shortly. That's what my horoscope tellsme. If I can extend my boundaries so as to join Apulia, I'll think I'veamounted to something in this life! I built this house with Mercury onthe job, anyhow; it was a hovel, as you know, it's a palace now! Fourdining-rooms, twenty bed-rooms, two marble colonnades, a store-roomupstairs, a bed-room where I sleep myself, a sitting-room for this viper, a very good room for the porter, a guest-chamber for visitors. As amatter of fact, Scaurus, when he was here, would stay nowhere else, although he has a family place on the seashore. I'll show you many otherthings, too, in a jiffy; believe me, if you have an as, you'll be ratedat what you have. So your humble servant, who was a frog, is now a king. Stychus, bring out my funereal vestments while we wait, the ones I'll becarried out in, some perfume, too, and a draught of the wine in that jar, I mean the kind I intend to have my bones washed in. "

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-EIGHTH. 

It was not long before Stychus brought a white shroud and apurple-bordered toga into the dining-room, and Trimalchio requested usto feel them and see if they were pure wool. Then, with a smile, "Takecare, Stychus, that the mice don't get at these things and gnaw them, orthe moths either. I'll burn you alive if they do. I want to be carriedout in all my glory so all the people will wish me well. " Then, openinga jar of nard, he had us all anointed. "I hope I'll enjoy this as wellwhen I'm dead, " he remarked, "as I do while I'm alive. " He then orderedwine to be poured into the punch-bowl. "Pretend, " said he, "that you'reinvited to my funeral feast. " The thing had grown positivelynauseating, when Trimalchio, beastly drunk by now, bethought himself ofa new and singular diversion and ordered some horn-blowers brought intothe dining-room. Then, propped up by many cushions, he stretchedhimself out upon the couch. "Let on that I'm dead, " said he, "and saysomething nice about me. " The horn-blowers sounded off a loud funeralmarch together, and one in particular, a slave belonging to anundertaker, made such a fanfare that he roused the whole neighborhood, and the watch, which was patrolling the vicinity, thinking Trimalchio'shouse was afire, suddenly smashed in the door and rushed in with theirwater and axes, as is their right, raising a rumpus all their own. Weavailed ourselves of this happy circumstance and, leaving Agamemnon inthe lurch, we took to our heels, as though we were running away from areal conflagration. 

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Affairs start to go wrong, your friends will stand from underDoctor's not good for anything except for a consolationEverybody's business is nobody's businessHe can teach you more than he knows himselfLearning's a fine thing, and a trade won't starveMen are lions at home and foxes abroadNo one can show a dead man a good timeThe loser's always the winner in argumentsToo many doctors did away with himWe know that you're only a fool with a lot of learningWhenever you learn a thing, it's yoursBelieves, on the spot, every taleYou can spot a louse on someone else

VOLUME 3. --FURTHER ADVENTURES OF ENCOLPIUS AND HIS COMPANIONS

CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-NINTH. 

There was no torch to light the way for us, as we wandered around, nordid the silence of midnight give promise of our meeting any wayfarer witha light; in addition to this, we were drunk and unfamiliar with thedistrict, which would confuse one, even in daylight, so for the best partof a mortal hour we dragged our bleeding feet over all the flints andpieces of broken tile, till we were extricated, at last, by Giton'scleverness. This prudent youngster had been afraid of going astray onthe day before, so he had taken care to mark all the pillars and columnswith chalk. These marks stood out distinctly, even through the pitchynight, and by their brilliant whiteness pointed out the way for us as wewandered about. Nevertheless, we had no less cause for being in a sweateven when we came to our lodging, for the old woman herself had beensitting and swilling so long with her guests that even if one had set herafire, she would not have known it. We would have spent the night on thedoor-sill had not Trimalchio's courier come up in state, with ten wagons;he hammered on the door for a short time, and then smashed it in, givingus an entrance through the same breach. (Hastening to thesleeping-chamber, I went to bed with my "brother" and, burning withpassion as I was, after such a magnificent dinner, I surrendered myselfwholly to sexual gratification. )

 Oh Goddesses and Gods, that purple night How soft the couch! And we, embracing tight; With every wandering kiss our souls would meet! Farewell all mortal woes, to die were sweet

But my self-congratulation was premature, for I was overcome with wine, and when my unsteady hands relaxed their hold, Ascyltos, thatnever-failing well-spring of iniquity, stole the boy away from me in thenight and carried him to his own bed, where he wallowed around withoutrestraint with a "brother" not his own, while the latter, not noticingthe fraud, or pretending not to notice it, went to sleep in a stranger'sarms, in defiance of all human rights. Awaking at last, I felt the bedover and found that it had been despoiled of its treasure: then, by allthat lovers hold dear, I swear I was on the verge of transfixing themboth with my sword and uniting their sleep with death. At last, however, I adopted a more rational plan; I spanked Giton intowakefulness, and, glaring at Ascyltos, "Since you have broken faith bythis outrage, " I gritted out, with a savage frown, "and severed ourfriendship, you had better get your things together at once, and pick upsome other bottom for your abominations!" He raised no objection tothis, but after we had divided everything with scrupulous exactitude, "Come on now, " he demanded, "and we'll divide the boy!"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTIETH. 

I thought this was a parting joke till he whipped out his sword, with amurderous hand. "You'll not have this prize you're brooding over, all toyourself! Since I've been rejected, I'll have to cut off my share withthis sword. " I followed suit, on my side, and, wrapping a mantle aroundmy left arm, I put myself on guard for the duel. The unhappy boy, rendered desperate by our unreasoning fury, hugged each of us tightly bythe knee, and in tears he humbly begged that this wretched lodging-houseshould not witness a Theban duel, and that we would not pollute--withmutual bloodshed the sacred rites of a friendship that was, as yet, unstained. "If a crime must be committed, " he wailed, "here is my nakedthroat, turn your swords this way and press home the points. I ought tobe the one to die, I broke the sacred pledge of friendship. " We loweredour points at these entreaties. "I'll settle this dispute, " Ascyltosspoke up, "let the boy follow whomsoever he himself wishes to follow. In that way, he, at least, will have perfect freedom in choosing a'brother'. " Imagining that a relationship of such long standing hadpassed into a tie of blood, I was not at all uneasy, so I snatched atthis proposition with precipitate eagerness, and submitted the dispute tothe judge. He did not deliberate long enough to seem even to hesitate, for he got up and chose Ascyltos for a "brother, " as soon as the lastsyllable had passed my lips! At this decision I was thunder-struck, and threw myself upon the bed, unarmed and just as I stood. Had I notbegrudged my enemy such a triumph, I would have laid violent hands uponmyself. Flushed with success, Ascyltos marched out with his prize, andabandoned, in a strange town, a comrade in the depths of despair; onewhom, but a little while before, he had loved most unselfishly, one whosedestiny was so like his own. 

 As long as is expedient, the name of friendship lives, Just as in dicing, Fortune smiles or lowers; When good luck beckons, then your friend his gleeful service gives But basely flies when ruin o'er you towers. The strollers act their farces upon the stage, each one his part, The father, son, the rich man, all are here, But soon the page is turned upon the comic actor's art, The masque is dropped, the make-ups disappear!

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIRST. 

Nevertheless, I did not indulge myself very long in tears, being afraidthat Menelaus, the tutor, might drop in upon me all alone in thelodging-house, and catch me in the midst of my troubles, so I collected mybaggage and, with a heavy heart, sneaked off to an obscure quarter nearthe seashore. There, I kept to my room for three days. My mind wascontinually haunted by my loneliness and desertion, and I beat my breast, already sore from blows. "Why could not the earth have opened andswallowed me, " I wailed aloud, between the many deep-drawn groans, "orthe sea, which rages even against the guiltless? Did I flee fromjustice, murder my ghost, and cheat the arena, in order that, after somany proofs of courage, I might be left lying here deserted, a beggar andan exile, in a lodging-house in a Greek town? And who condemned me tothis desolation'? A boy stained by every form of vice, who, by his ownconfession, ought to be exiled: free, through vice, expert in vice, whosefavors came through a throw of the dice, who hired himself out as a girlto those who knew him to be a boy! And as to the other, what about him?In place of the manly toga, he donned the woman's stola when he reachedthe age of puberty: he resolved, even from his mother's womb, never tobecome a man; in the slave's prison he took the woman's part in thesexual act, he changed the instrument of his lechery when hedouble-crossed me, abandoned the ties of a long-standing friendship, and, shame upon him, sold everything for a single night's dalliance, like any other street-walker! Now the lovers lie whole nights, lockedin each other's arms, and I suppose they make a mockery of my desolationwhen they are resting up from the exhaustion caused by their mutualexcesses. But not with impunity! If I don't avenge the wrong they havedone me in their guilty blood, I'm no free man!"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SECOND. 

I girded on my sword, when I had said these words, and, fortifying mystrength with a heavy meal, so that weakness would not cause me to losethe battle, I presently sallied forth into the public streets and rushedthrough all the arcades, like a maniac. But while, with my face savagelyconvulsed in a frown, I was meditating nothing but bloodshed andslaughter, and was continually clapping my hand to the hilt of my sword, which I had consecrated to this, I was observed by a soldier, that is, heeither was a real soldier, or else he was some night-prowling thug, whochallenged me. "Halt! Who goes there? What legion are you from? Who'syour centurion?" "Since when have men in your outfit gone on pass inwhite shoes?" he retorted, when I had lied stoutly about both centurionand legion. Both my face and my confusion proved that I had been caughtin a lie, so he ordered me to surrender my arms and to take care that Idid not get into trouble. I was held up, as a matter of course, and, myrevenge balked, I returned to my lodging-house and, recovering by degreesfrom my fright, I began to be grateful to the boldness of the footpad. It is not wise to place much reliance upon any scheme, because Fortunehas a method of her own. 

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-THIRD. 

(Nevertheless, I found it very difficult to stifle my longing forrevenge, and after tossing half the night in anxiety, I arose at dawnand, in the hope of mitigating my mental sufferings and of forgetting mywrongs, I took a walk through all the public arcades and) entered apicture-gallery, which contained a wonderful collection of pictures invarious styles. I beheld works from the hand of Zeuxis, still undimmedby the passage of the years, and contemplated, not without a certain awe, the crude drawings of Protogenes, which equalled the reality of natureherself; but when I stood before the work of Apelles, the kind which theGreeks call "Monochromatic, " verily, I almost worshipped, for theoutlines of the figures were drawn with such subtlety of touch, and wereso life-like in their precision, that you would have thought their verysouls were depicted. Here, an eagle was soaring into the sky bearing theshepherd of Mount Ida to heaven; there, the comely Hylas was strugglingto escape from the embrace of the lascivious Naiad. Here, too, wasApollo, cursing his murderous hand and adorning his unstrung lyre withthe flower just created. Standing among these lovers, which were onlypainted, "It seems that even the gods are wracked by love, " I criedaloud, as if I were in a wilderness. "Jupiter could find none to histaste, even in his own heaven, so he had to sin on earth, but no one wasbetrayed by him! The nymph who ravished Hylas would have controlled herpassion had she thought Hercules was coming to forbid it. Apollorecalled the spirit of a boy in the form of a flower, and all the loversof Fable enjoyed Love's embraces without a rival, but I took as a comradea friend more cruel than Lycurgus!" But at that very instant, as I wastelling my troubles to the winds, a white-haired old man entered thepicture-gallery; his face was care-worn, and he seemed, I know not why, to give promise of something great, although he bestowed so little careupon his dress that it was easily apparent that he belonged to that classof literati which the wealthy hold in contempt. "I am a poet, " heremarked, when he had approached me and stood at my side, "and one of nomean ability, I hope, that is, if anything is to be inferred from thecrowns which gratitude can place even upon the heads of the unworthy!Then why, you demand, are you dressed so shabbily? For that very reason;love or art never yet made anyone rich. "

 The trader trusts his fortune to the sea and takes his gains, The warrior, for his deeds, is girt with gold; The wily sycophant lies drunk on purple counterpanes, Young wives must pay debauchees or they're cold. But solitary, shivering, in tatters Genius stands Invoking a neglected art, for succor at its hands. 

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FOURTH. 

"It is certainly true that a man is hated when he declares himself anenemy to all vice, and begins to follow the right road in life, because, in the first place, his habits are different from those of other people;for who ever approved of anything to which he took exceptions? Then, they whose only ambition is to pile up riches, don't want to believe thatmen can possess anything better than that which they have themselves;therefore, they use every means in their power to so buffet the loversof literature that they will seem in their proper place--below themoneybags. " "I know not why it should be so, " (I said with a sigh), "butPoverty is the sister of Genius. " ("You have good reason, " the old manreplied, "to deplore the status of men of letters. " "No, " I answered, "that was not the reason for my sigh, there is another and far weightiercause for my grief. " Then, in accordance with the human propensity ofpouring one's personal troubles into another's ears, I explained mymisfortune to him, and dwelt particularly upon Ascyltos' perfidy. ) "Ohhow I wish that this enemy who is the cause of my enforced continencecould be mollified, " (I cried, with many a groan, ) "but he is an old handat robbery, and more cunning than the pimps themselves!" (My franknesspleased the old man, who attempted to comfort me and, to beguile mysorrow, he related the particulars of an amorous intrigue in which hehimself had played a part. )

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIFTH. 

"When I was attached to the Quaestor's staff, in Asia, I was quarteredwith a family at Pergamus. I found things very much to my liking there, not only on account of the refined comfort of my apartments, but alsobecause of the extreme beauty of my host's son. For the latter reason, I had recourse to strategy, in order that the father should never suspectme of being a seducer. So hotly would I flare up, whenever the abuseof handsome boys was even mentioned at the table, and with suchuncompromising sternness would I protest against having my ears insultedby such filthy talk, that I came to be looked upon, especially by themother, as one of the philosophers. I was conducting the lad to thegymnasium before very long, and superintending his conduct, takingespecial care, all the while, that no one who could debauch him shouldever enter the house. Then there came a holiday, the school was closed, and our festivities had rendered us too lazy to retire properly, so welay down in the dining-room. It was just about midnight, and I knew hewas awake, so I murmured this vow, in a very low voice, 'Oh Lady Venus, could I but kiss this lad, and he not know it, I would give him a pair ofturtle-doves tomorrow!' On hearing the price offered for this favor, theboy commenced to snore! Then, bending over the pretending sleeper, Isnatched a fleeting kiss or two. Satisfied with this beginning, I aroseearly in the morning, brought a fine pair of turtle-doves to the eagerlad, and absolved myself from my vow. "

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SIXTH. 

"Next night, when the same opportunity presented itself, I changed mypetition, 'If I can feel him all over with a wanton hand, ' I vowed, 'andhe not know it, I will give him two of the gamest fighting-cocks, for hissilence. ' The lad nestled closer to me of his own accord, on hearing thisoffer, and I truly believe that he was afraid that I was asleep. I madeshort work of his apprehensions on that score, however, by stroking andfondling his whole body. I worked myself into a passionate fervor thatwas just short of supreme gratification. Then, when day dawned, I madehim happy with what I had promised him. When the third night gave memy chance, I bent close to the ear of the rascal, who pretended to beasleep. 'Immortal gods, ' I whispered, 'if I can take full and completesatisfaction of my love, from this sleeping beauty, I will tomorrowpresent him with the best Macedonian pacer in the market, in return forthis bliss, provided that he does not know it. ' Never had the lad sleptso soundly! First I filled my hands with his snowy breasts, then Ipressed a clinging kiss upon his mouth, but I finally focused all myenergies upon one supreme delight! Early in the morning, he sat up inbed, awaiting my usual gift. It is much easier to buy doves andgame-cocks than it is to buy a pacer, as you know, and aside from that, I was also afraid that so valuable a present might render my motivesubject to suspicion, so, after strolling around for some hours, Ireturned to the house, and gave the lad nothing at all except a kiss. He looked all around, threw his arms about my neck. 'Tell me, master, 'he cried, 'where's the pacer?' ('The difficulty of getting one fineenough has compelled me to defer the fulfillment of my promise, ' Ireplied, 'but I will make it good in a few days. ' The lad easilyunderstood the true meaning of my answer, and his countenance betrayedhis secret resentment. )"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SEVENTH. 

"(In the meantime, ) by breaking this vow, I had cut myself off from theavenue of access which I had contrived, but I returned to the attack, allthe same, when the opportunity came. In a few days, a similar occasionbrought about the very same conditions as before, and the instant I heardhis father snoring, I began pleading with the lad to receive me againinto his good graces, that is to say, that he ought to suffer me tosatisfy myself with him, and he in turn could do whatever his owndistended member desired. He was very angry, however, and would saynothing at all except, 'Either you go to sleep, or I'll call father!'But no obstacle is so difficult that depravity cannot twist around it andeven while he threatened 'I'll call father, ' I slipped into his bed andtook my pleasure in spite of his half-hearted resistance. Nor was hedispleased with my improper conduct for, although he complained for awhile, that he had been cheated and made a laughing-stock, and that hiscompanions, to whom he had bragged of his wealthy friend, had made sportof him. 'But you'll see that I'll not be like you, ' he whispered; 'do itagain, if you want to!' All misunderstandings were forgotten and I wasreadmitted into the lad's good graces. Then I slipped off to sleep, after profiting by his complaisance. But the youth, in the very flowerof maturity, and just at the best age for passive pleasure, was by nomeans satisfied with only one repetition, so he roused me out of a heavysleep. 'Isn't there something you'd like to do?' he whispered! Thepastime had not begun to cloy, as yet, and, somehow or other, what withpanting and sweating and wriggling, he got what he wanted and, worn outwith pleasure, I dropped off to sleep again. Less than an hour had passedwhen he began to punch me with his hand. 'Why are we not busy, ' hewhispered! I flew into a violent rage at being disturbed so many times, and threatened him in his own words, 'Either you go to sleep, or I'llcall father!'"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-EIGHTH. 

Heartened up by this story, I began to draw upon his more comprehensiveknowledge as to the ages of the pictures and as to certain of the storiesconnected with them, upon which I was not clear; and I likewise inquiredinto the causes of the decadence of the present age, in which the mostrefined arts had perished, and among them painting, which had not lefteven the faintest trace of itself behind. "Greed of money, " he replied, "has brought about these unaccountable changes. In the good old times, when virtue was her own reward, the fine arts flourished, and there wasthe keenest rivalry among men for fear that anything which could be ofbenefit to future generations should remain long undiscovered. Then itwas that Democritus expressed the juices of all plants and spent hiswhole life in experiments, in order that no curative property should lurkunknown in stone or shrub. That he might understand the movements ofheaven and the stars, Eudoxus grew old upon the summit of a loftymountain: three times did Chrysippus purge his brain with hellebore, that his faculties might be equal to invention. Turn to the sculptors ifyou will; Lysippus perished from hunger while in profound meditation uponthe lines of a single statue, and Myron, who almost embodied the souls ofmen and beasts in bronze, could not find an heir. And we, sodden withwine and women, cannot even appreciate the arts already practiced, weonly criticise the past! We learn only vice, and teach it, too. What hasbecome of logic? of astronomy? Where is the exquisite road to wisdom?Who even goes into a temple to make a vow, that he may achieve eloquenceor bathe in the fountain of wisdom? And they do not pray for good healthand a sound mind; before they even set foot upon the threshold of thetemple, one promises a gift if only he may bury a rich relative; another, if he can but dig up a treasure, and still another, if he is permitted toamass thirty millions of sesterces in safety! The Senate itself, theexponent of all that should be right and just, is in the habit ofpromising a thousand pounds of gold to the capitol, and that no one mayquestion the propriety of praying for money, it even decorates Jupiterhimself with spoils'. Do not hesitate, therefore, at expressing yoursurprise at the deterioration of painting, since, by all the gods and menalike, a lump of gold is held to be more beautiful than anything evercreated by those crazy little Greek fellows, Apelles and Phydias!"

CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-NINTH. 

"But I see that your whole attention is held by that picture whichportrays the destruction of Troy, so I will attempt to unfold the storyin verse:

And now the tenth harvest beheld the beleaguered of Troia

Worn out with anxiety, fearing the honor of Calchas

The prophet, hung wavering deep in the blackest despair. 

Apollo commanded! The forested peaks of Mount Ida

Were felled and dragged down; the hewn timbers were fitted to fashion

A war-horse. Unfilled is a cavity left, and this cavern, Roofed over, capacious enough for a camp. Here lie hidden

The raging impetuous valor of ten years of warfare. 

Malignant Greek troops pack the recess, lurk in their own offering. 

Alas my poor country! We thought that their thousand grim war-ships

Were beaten and scattered, our arable lands freed from warfare!

Th' inscription cut into the horse, and the crafty behavior

Of Sinon, his mind ever powerful for evil, affirmed it. 

Delivered from war, now the crowd, carefree, hastens to worship

And pours from the portals. Their cheeks wet with weeping, the joy

Of their tremulous souls brings to eyes tears which terror

Had banished. Laocoon, priest unto Neptune, with hair loosed, An outcry evoked from the mob: he drew back his javelin

And launched it! The belly of wood was his target. The weapon

Recoiled, for the fates stayed his hand, and this artifice won us. 

His feeble hand nerved he anew, and the lofty sides sounded, His two-edged ax tried them severely. The young troops in ambush

Gasped. And as long as the reverberations re-echoed

The wooden mass breathed out a fear that was not of its own. 

Imprisoned, the warriors advance to take Troia a captive

And finish the struggle by strategem new and unheard of. 

Behold! Other portents: Where Tenedos steep breaks the ocean

Where great surging billows dash high; to be broken, and leap back

To form a deep hollow of calm, and resemble the plashing

Of oars, carried far through the silence of night, as when ships pass

And drive through the calm as it smashes against their fir bows. 

Then backward we look towards the rocks; the tide carries two serpents

That coil and uncoil as they come, and their breasts, which are swollen

Aside dash the foam, as the bows of tall ships; and the ocean

Is lashed by their tails, their manes, free on the water, as savage

As even their eyes: now a blinding beam kindles the billows, The sea with their hissing is sibilant! All stare in terror!

Laocoon's twin sons in Phrygian raiment are standing

With priests wreathed for sacrifice. Them did the glistening serpents

Enfold in their coils! With their little hands shielding their faces, The boys, neither thinking of self, but each one of his brother!

Fraternal love's sacrifice! Death himself slew those poor children

By means of their unselfish fear for each other! The father, A helper too feeble, now throws himself prone on their bodies:

The serpents, now glutted with death, coil around him and drag him

To earth! And the priest, at his altar a victim, lies beating

The ground. Thus the city of Troy, doomed to sack and destruction, First lost her own gods by profaning their shrines and their worship. 

The full moon now lifted her luminous beam and the small stars

Led forth, with her torch all ablaze; when the Greeks drew the bolts

And poured forth their warriors, on Priam's sons, buried in darkness

And sodden with wine. First the leaders made trial of their weapons

Just as the horse, when unhitched from Thessalian neck-yoke, First tosses his head and his mane, ere to pasture he rushes. 

They draw their swords, brandish their shields and rush into the battle. 

One slays the wine-drunken Trojans, prolonging their dreams

To death, which ends all. Still another takes brands from the altars, And calls upon Troy's sacred temples to fight against Trojans. "

CHAPTER THE NINTIETH. 

Some of the public, who were loafing in the portico, threw stones at thereciting Eumolpus and he, taking note of this tribute to his genius, covered his head and bolted out of the temple. Fearing they might takeme for a poet, too, I followed after him in his flight and came to theseashore, where we stopped as soon as we were out of range. "Tell me, "I demanded, "what are you going to do about that disease of yours?You've loafed with me less than two hours, and you've talked more oftenlike a poet than you have like a human being! For this reason, I'm notat all surprised that the rabble chases you with rocks. I'm going toload my pockets with stones, too, and whenever you begin to go out ofyour head, I'm going to let blood out of it!" His expression changed. "My dear young man, " said he, "today is not the first time I have hadsuch compliments showered upon me; the audience always applauds me inthis fashion, when I go into the theatre to recite anything, but I'llabstain from this sort of diet for the whole day, for fear of havingtrouble with you. " "Good, " I replied, "we'll dine together if you'llswear off crankiness for the day. " (So saying, ) I gave the housekeeperthe orders for our little supper (and we went straight off to the baths. )

CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIRST. 

(There) I catch sight of Giton laden with towels and scrapers, leaning, downhearted and embarrassed, against the wall. You could see that he didnot serve of his own free will. Then, that I might assure myself that Isaw aright, "Take pity on me, brother, " he cried, turning towards me aface lighted up with joy, "there are no arms here, I can speak freelytake me away from that bloody robber, and punish your penitent judge asseverely as you like. To have perished, should you wish it, will be aconsolation great enough in my misery!" Fearing some one might overhearour plans, I bade him hush his complaints and, leaving Eumolpus behind--for he was reciting a poem in the bath--I pull Giton down a dark anddirty passage, after me, and fly with all speed to my lodgings. Arrivingthere, I slam the door shut, embrace him convulsively, and press my faceagainst his which is all wet with tears. For a long time, neither of uscould find his voice, and as for the lad, his shapely bosom was heavingcontinuously with choking sobs. "Oh the disgraceful inconsistency of itall, " I cried, "for I love you still, although you abandoned me, and noscar from that gaping wound is left upon this breast! What can you saythat will justify you in yielding your love to a stranger? Did I meritsuch an affront'?" He held his head higher when he found that he wasloved. 

 For one to love, and at the same time, blame, That were a labor Hercules to tame! Conflicting passions yield in Cupid's name. 

("And furthermore, " I went on), "I was not the one that laid the cause ofour love before another judge, but I will complain no more, I willremember nothing, if you will prove your penitence by keeping faith. "He wiped his face upon his mantle, while I poured out these words, withgroans and tears. "Encolpius, " said he, "I beseech you, I appeal to yourhonest recollection, did I leave you, or did you throw me over? For mypart, I admit, and openly at that, that I sought, refuge with thestronger, when I beheld two armed men. " I kissed that, bosom, so full ofprudence, threw my arms around his neck and pressed him tightly againstmy breast, that he might see unmistakably that he had gotten back into mygood graces, and that our friendship lived again in perfect confidence. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-SECOND. 

Night had fallen by this time, and the woman to whom I had given my orderhad prepared supper, when Eumolpus knocked at the door. "How many of youare there?" I called out, and as I spoke, I peeped cautiously through achink in the door to see if Ascyltos had come with him; then, as Iperceived that he was the only guest, I quickly admitted him. He threwhimself upon the pallet and caught sight of Giton, waiting table, whereupon, he nodded his head, "I like your Ganymede, " he remarked, "this day promises a good ending!" I did not take kindly to such aninquisitive beginning, fearing that I had let another Ascyltos into mylodging. Eumolpus stuck to his purpose. "I like you better than thewhole bathful, " he remarked, when the lad had served him with wine, thenhe thirstily drained the cup dry and swore that never before had hetasted a wine with such a satisfying tang to it. "While I was bathing, "he went on, "I was almost beaten up for trying to recite a poem to thepeople sitting around the basin, and when I had been thrown out of thebaths, just like I was out of the theatre, I hunted through every nookand cranny of the building, calling 'Encolpius, Encolpius, ' at the top ofmy voice. A naked youth at the other end, who had lost his clothes, wasbawling just as loudly and no less angrily for Giton! As for myself, theslaves took me for a maniac, and mimicked me in the most insolent manner, but a large crowd gathered around him, clapping its hands in awe-struckadmiration, for so heavy and massive were his private parts, that youwould have thought that the man himself was but an appendage of his ownmember! Oh such a man! He could do his bit all right! I haven't adoubt but that he could begin on the day before and never finish till theday after the next! And he soon found a friend, of course: some Romanknight or other, I don't know his name, but he bears a bad reputation, sothey say, threw his own mantle around the wanderer and took him off homewith himself, hoping, I suppose, to have the sole enjoyment of so huge aprize. But I couldn't get my own clothing back from the officious bathattendant till I found some one who could identify me, which only goes toshow that it is more profitable to rub up the member than it is to polishthe mind!" While Eumolpus was relating all this, I changed countenancecontinually, elated, naturally, at the mishaps of my enemy, and vexed athis good fortune; but I controlled my tongue nevertheless, as if I knewnothing about the episode, and read aloud the bill of fare. (Hardly hadI finished, when our humble meal was served. The food was plain butsucculent and nutritious, and the famished scholar Eumolpus, fell toravenously. )

 Kind Providence unto our needs has tempered its decrees And met our wants, our carping plaints to still Green herbs, and berries hanging on their rough and brambly sprays Suffice our hunger's gnawing pangs to kill. What fool would thirst upon a river's brink? Or stand and freeze In icy blasts, when near a cozy fire? The law sits armed outside the door, adulterers to seize, The chaste bride, guiltless, gratifies desire. All Nature lavishes her wealth to meet our just demands; But, spurred by lust of pride, we stop at naught to gain our ends!

(Our philosopher began to moralize, when he had gorged himself, levelingmany critical shafts at those who hold every-day things in contempt, esteeming nothing except what is rare. )

CHAPTER THE NINETY-THIRD. 

("To their perverted taste, " he went on, ) everything one may havelawfully is held cheap and the appetite, tickled only by forbiddenindulgences, delights in what is most difficult to obtain. 

 The pheasant from Colchis, the wild-fowl from African shores, Because they are dainties, the parvenu's palate adores

 The white-feathered goose, and the duck in his bright-colored plumes

 Must nourish the rabble; they're common, so them Fashion dooms!

 The wrasse brought from dangerous Syrtis is much more esteemed

 When fishing-boats founder! And even the mullet is deemed, No matter how heavy, a weight on the market! The whore

 Displaces the wife; and in perfumes, the cinnamon more

 Is esteemed than the rose! So whatever we have, we despise, And whatever we have not, we think a superlative prize!"

"Is this the way in which you keep your promise not to recite a singleverse today?" I demanded; "bear in mind your promise and spare us, atleast, for we have thrown no rocks at you yet. If a single one of thosefellows drinking under this very roof were to smell out a poet in theirmidst, he would arouse the whole neighborhood and involve all of us inthe same misunderstanding!" Giton, who was one of the gentlest of lads, took me to task for having spoken in that manner, denying that I didrightly in criticising my elders and at the same time forgetting myduties as host by offering an affront to one whom I had invited out ofkindness. And much more, full of moderation and propriety, which was inexquisite keeping with his good looks. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-FOURTH. 

"Happy the mother, " cried Eumolpus, "who bore such a son as you! Mayyour fortune be in keeping with your merit! Beauty and wisdom are rarelyfound mixed! And that you may not think that all your words are wasted, know that you have found a lover! I will fill my verses with yourpraise! I will act as your guardian and your tutor, following you evenwhen you bid me stay behind! Nor can Encolpius take offense, he lovesanother. " The soldier who took my sword from me did Eumolpus a goodturn, too; otherwise, the rage which I had felt against Ascyltos wouldhave been quenched in the blood of Eumolpus. Seeing what was in the wind, Giton slipped out of the room, pretending he was going after water, andby this diplomatic retreat he put an end to my fury. Then, as my angercooled, little by little, "Eumolpus, " I said, "rather than have youentertain designs of such a nature, I would even prefer to have youspouting poetry! I am hot-tempered and you are lecherous; see howuncongenial two such dispositions must be! Take me for a maniac, humormy malady: in other words, get out quick!" Taken completely aback bythis onslaught, Eumolpus crossed the threshold of the room withoutstopping to ask the reason for my wrath, and immediately slammed the doorshut, penning me in, as I was not looking for any move of that kind then, having quickly removed the key, he hurried away in search of Giton. Finding that I was locked in, I decided to hang myself, and had alreadyfastened my belt to the bedstead which stood alongside of the wall, andwas engaged in fastening the noose around my neck, when the doors wereunlocked and Eumolpus came in with Giton, recalling me to light when Iwas just about to turn the fatal goal-post! Giton was greatly wrought upand his grief turned to fury: seizing me with both hands, he threw meupon the bed. "If you think, Encolpius, " he shrieked, "that you cancontrive to die before I do, you're wrong! I thought of suicide first. I hunted for a sword in Ascyltos' house: I would have thrown myself froma precipice if I had not found you! You know that Death is never farfrom those who seek him, so take your turn and witness the spectacle youwished to see!" So saying, he snatched a razor from Eumolpus' servant, slashed his throat, once, twice, and fell down at our feet! I uttered aloud cry, rushed to him as he fell, and sought the road to death by thesame steel; Giton, however, showed not the faintest trace of any wound, nor was I conscious of feeling any pain. The razor, it turned out, wasuntempered and dull and was used to imbue boy apprentices with theconfidence of the experienced barber. Hence it was in a sheath and, forthe reason given above, the servant was not alarmed when the blade wassnatched nor did Eumolpus break in upon this farcical death scene. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIFTH. 

The landlord made his appearance with a part of our little supper, whilethis lover's comedy was being enacted and, taking in the very disorderlyspectacle which we presented, lying there and wallowing as we were, "Are you drunk, " he demanded, "or are you runaway slaves, or both?Who turned up that bed there? What's the meaning of all these sneakingpreparations? You didn't want to pay the room-rent, you didn't, byHercules, you didn't; you wanted to wait till night and run away into thepublic streets, but that won't go here! This is no widow's joint, I'llshow you that; not yet it ain't! This place belongs to MarcusManicius!" "So you threaten, do you'?" yelled Eumolpus, giving thefellow a resounding slap in the face. At this, the latter threw a smallearthenware pitcher, which had been emptied by the draughts of successiveguests, at Eumolpus' head, and cut open the forehead of his cursingadversary: then he skipped out of the room. Infuriated at such aninsult, Eumolpus snatched up a wooden candlestick, ran in pursuit of hisretreating foeman, and avenged his broken head with a shower of blows. The entire household crowded around, as did a number of drunken lodgers, but I seized this opportunity of retaliating and locked Eumolpus out, retorting his own trick upon the quarrelsome fellow, and found myselfwithout a rival, as it were, able to enjoy my room and my night'spleasure as well. In the meantime, Eumolpus, locked out as he was, was being very roughly handled by the cooks and scullions of theestablishment; one aimed a spitful of hissing-hot guts at his eyes;another grabbed a two-tined fork in the pantry and put himself on guard. But worst of all, a blear-eyed old hag, girded round with a filthy apron, and wearing wooden clogs which were not mates, dragged in an immense dogon a chain, and "sicked" him upon Eumolpus, but he beat off all attackswith his candlestick. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-SIXTH. 

We took in the entire performance through a hole in the folding-doors:this had been made but a short time before, when the handle had beenbroken and jerked out, and I wished him joy of his beating. Giton, however, forgetting everything except his own compassion, thought weought to open the door and succor Eumolpus, in his peril; but being stillangry, I could not restrain my hand; clenching my fist, I rapped hispitying head with my sharp knuckles. In tears, he sat upon the bed, while I applied each eye in turn, to the opening, filling myself up aswith a dainty dish, with Eumolpus' misfortunes, and gloating over theirprolongation, when Bargates, agent for the building, called from hisdinner, was carried into the midst of the brawl by two chair-men, for hehad the gout. He carried on for some time against drunkards and fugitiveslaves, in a savage tone and with a barbarous accent, and then, lookingaround and catching sight of Eumolpus, "What, " he exclaimed, "are youhere, nay prince of poets? and these damned slaves don't scatter at onceand stop their brawling!" (Then, whispering in Eumolpus' ear, ) "Mybedfellow's got an idea that she's finer-haired than I am; lampoon herin a poem, if you think anything of me, and make 'er ashamed. "

CHAPTER THE NINETY-SEVENTH. 

Eumolpus was speaking privately with Bargates, when a crier attended by apublic slave entered the inn, accompanied by a medium-sized crowd ofoutsiders. Waving a torch that gave out more smoke than light, heannounced: "Strayed from the baths, a short time ago, a boy about sixteenyears of age, curly headed, a minion, handsome, answers to the name ofGiton. One thousand sesterces reward will be paid to anyone bringing himback or giving information as to his whereabouts. " Ascyltos, dressed ina tunic of many colors, stood not far from the crier, holding out asilver tray upon which was piled the reward, as evidence of good faith. I ordered Giton to get under the bed immediately, telling him to stickhis hands and feet through the rope netting which supported the mattress, and, just as Ulysses of old had clung to the ram, so he, stretched outbeneath the mattress, would evade the hands of the hunters. And Gitondid not hesitate at obeying this order, but fastened his hands in thenetting for a moment, outdoing Ulysses in his own cunning! For fear ofleaving room for suspicion, I piled covers upon my pallet, leaving theimpression of a single person of my own stature. Meanwhile Ascyltos, incompany with the magistrate's servant, had ransacked all the rooms andhad come at last to mine, where he entertained greater hopes of success, because he found the doors carefully barred. The public slave loosenedthe bolts by inserting the edge of his ax in the chink. I threw myselfat Ascyltos' feet, begging him, by the memory of our friendship and ourcompanionship in suffering, to show me my "brother, " safe and sound, andfurthermore, that my simulated prayers might carry conviction, I added, "I know very well, Ascyltos, that you have come here seeking my life. If not, why the axes?

"Well, fatten your grudge, then! Here's my neck! Pour out that bloodyou seek to shed under pretext of a search!" Ascyltos repelled thissuspicion, affirming that he sought nothing except his own fugitive anddesired the death of neither man nor suppliant, and least of all did hewish to harm one whom, now that their quarrel was over, he regarded ashis dearest friend. 

CHAPTER THE NINETY-EIGHTH. 

The public servant, however, was not derelict in the performance of hisduty for, snatching a cane from the innkeeper, he poked underneath thebed, ransacking every corner, even to the cracks in the wall. Twistinghis body out of reach, and cautiously drawing a full breath, Gitonpressed his mouth against the very bugs themselves. (The pair hadscarcely left the room) when Eumolpus burst in in great excitement, forthe doors had been broken and could keep no one out. "The thousandsesterces are mine, " he shouted, "I'll follow that crier out and tell himGiton is in your power, and it will serve you right, too!" Seeing thathis mind was made up, I embraced his knees and besought him not to kill adying man. "You might have some reason for being excited, " I said, "ifyou could produce the missing boy, but you cannot, as the thing standsnow, for he escaped into the crowd and I have not even a suspicion as towhere he has gone! Get the lad back, Eumolpus, for heaven's sake, evenif you do restore him to Ascyltos!" I had just succeeded in persuadinghim to believe all this when Giton, nearly suffocated from holding hisbreath, suddenly sneezed three times, and shook the bed. Eumolpus turnedat the commotion. "Hello, Giton, " he exclaimed, "glad to see you!" Thenhe turned back the mattress and discovered an Ulysses who even a ravenousCyclops might have spared; thereupon, he faced me, "You robber, " said he, "what does all this mean? You hadn't the nerve to tell me the truth evenwhen you were caught! If the god, that umpires human affairs hadn'tforced a sign from this boy as he hung there, I would be wandering fromone pot-house to another, like a fool!" (But) Giton was far more tactfulthan I: first of all, he dressed the cut upon Eumolpus' forehead, withspider's web soaked in oil; he then exchanged the poet's torn clothingfor his own cloak; this done, he embraced the old gentleman, who wasalready somewhat mollified, and poulticed him with kisses. "Dearest offathers, " he cried, "we are entirely in your hands! In yours alone! Ifyou love your Giton, do your best to save him. Would that some cruelflame might devour me, alone, or that the wintry sea might swallow me, for I am the cause for all these crimes. Two enemies would be reconciledif I should perish!" (Moved by our troubles, but particularly stirred byGiton's caresses, "You are fools, " exclaimed Eumolpus, "you certainlyare: here you are gifted with talents enough to make your fortunes andyou still lead a life of misery, and every day you bring new tormentsupon yourselves, as the fruits of your own acts!)"

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Death is never far from those who seek himEsteeming nothing except what is rareLove or art never yet made anyone richMan is hated when he declares himself an enemy to all vicePropensity of pouring one's personal troubles into another's earWhatever we have, we despise

VOLUME 4. --ENCOLPIUS, GITON AND EUMOLPUS ESCAPE BY SEA

CHAPTER THE NINETY-NINTH. 

"I have always and everywhere lived such a life that each passing day wasspent as though that light would never return; (that is, in tranquillity!Put aside those thoughts which worry you, if you wish to follow my lead. Ascyltos persecutes you here; get out of his way. I am about to startfor foreign parts, you may come with me. I have taken a berth on avessel which will probably weigh anchor this very night. I am well knownon board, and we shall be well received. )

 Leave then thy home and seek a foreign shore Brave youth; for thee thy destiny holds more: To no misfortune yield! The Danube far Shall know thy spirit, and the polar star, And placid Nile, and they who dwell in lands Where sunrise starts, or they where sunset ends! A new Ulysses treads on foreign sands. "

(To me, this advice seemed both sound and practical, because it wouldfree me from any annoyance by Ascyltos, and because it gave promise of ahappier life. I was overcome by the kindly sympathy of Eumolpus, and wasespecially sorry for the latest injury I had done him. I began to repentmy jealousy, which had been the cause of so many unpleasant happenings)and with many tears, I begged and pled with him to admit me into favor, as lovers cannot control their furious jealousy, and vowing, at the sametime, that I would not by word or deed give him cause for offense in thefuture. And he, like a learned and cultivated gentleman, ought to removeall irritation from his mind, and leave no trace of it behind. The snowsbelong upon the ground in wild and uncultivated regions, but where theearth has been beautified by the conquest of the plough, the light snowmelts away while you speak of it. And so it is with anger in the heart;in savage minds it lingers long, it glides quickly away from thecultured. "That you may experience the truth of what you say, " exclaimedEumolpus, "see! I end my anger with a kiss. May good luck go with us!Get your baggage together and follow me, or go on ahead, if you prefer. "While he was speaking, a knock sounded at the door, and a sailor with abristling beard stood upon the threshold. "You're hanging in the wind, Eumolpus, " said he, "as if you didn't know that son-of-a-bitch of askipper!" Without further delay we all got up. Eumolpus ordered hisservant, who had been asleep for some time, to bring his baggage out. Giton and I pack together whatever we have for the voyage and, afterpraying to the stars, we went aboard. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDREDTH. 

(We picked out a retired spot on the poop and Eumolpus dozed off, as itwas not yet daylight. Neither Giton nor myself could get a wink ofsleep, however. Anxiously I reflected that I had received Eumolpus as acomrade, a rival more formidable than Ascyltos, and that thought torturedme. But reason soon put my uneasiness to flight. ) "It is unfortunate, "(said I to myself, ) "that the lad has so taken our friend's fancy, butwhat of it? Is not nature's every masterpiece common to all? The sunshines upon all alike! The moon with her innumerable train of starslights even the wild beasts to their food. What can be more beautifulthan water?

"Yet it flows for common use. Shall love alone, then, be stolen, ratherthan be regarded as a prize to be won? No, indeed I desire no possessionunless the world envies me for possessing it. A solitary old man canscarcely become a serious rival; even should he wish to take advantage, he would lose it through lack of breath. " When, but without anyconfidence, I had arrived at these conclusions, and beguiled my uneasyspirit, I covered my head with my tunic and began to feign sleep, whenall of a sudden, as though Fortune were bent upon annihilating my peaceof mind, a voice upon the ship's deck gritted out something like this--"So he fooled me after all. "--As this voice, which was a man's, and wasonly too familiar, struck my ears, my heart fluttered. And then a woman, equally furious, spat out more spitefully still--"If only some god wouldput Giton into my hands, what a fine time I would give that runaway. "--Stunned by these unexpected words, we both turned pale as death. I wascompletely terrified, and, as though I were enveloped in some turbulentnightmare, was a long time finding my voice, but at last, with tremblinghands, I tugged at the hem of Eumolpus' clothing, just as he was sinkinginto slumber. "Father, " I quavered, "on your word of honor, can you tellme whose ship this is, and whom she has aboard?" Peeved at beingdisturbed, "So, " he snapped, "this was the reason you wished to have usquartered in the most inaccessible spot on deck, was it? So we could getno rest! What good will it do you when I've informed you that Lycas ofTarentum is master of this ship and that he carries Tryphaena as an exileto Tarentum?"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIRST. 

I shivered, horror-struck, at this thunderbolt and, beating my throat, "Oh Destiny, " I wailed, "you've vanquished me completely, at last!" Asfor Giton, he fell in a faint upon my bosom and remained unconscious forquite a while, until a sweat finally relieved our tension, whereupon, hugging Eumolpus around the knees, "Take pity upon the perishing, " Ibesought him, "in the name of our common learning, aid us! Death himselfhangs over us, and he will come as a relief unless you help us!"Overwhelmed by this implication, Eumolpus swore by all the gods andgoddesses that he knew nothing of what had happened, nor had he had anyulterior purpose in mind, but that he had brought his companions uponthis voyage which he himself had long intended taking, with the mostupright intentions and in the best of good faith. "But, " demanded he, "what is this ambush? Who is this Hannibal who sails with us? Lycas ofTarentum is a most respectable citizen and the owner, not only of thisship, which he commands in person, but of landed estates as well ascommercial houses under the management of slaves. He carries a cargoconsigned to market. He is the Cyclops, the arch-pirate, to whom we oweour passage! And then, besides himself, there is Tryphaena, a mostcharming woman, travelling about here and there in search of pleasure. ""But, " objected Giton, "they are the very ones we are most anxious toavoid, " whereupon he explained to the astonished Eumolpus the reasons fortheir enmity and for the danger which threatened us. So muddled did hebecome, at what had been told him, that he lost the power of thinking, and requested each of us to offer his own opinion. "Just imagine, " saidhe, "that we are trapped in the Cyclops' cave: some way out must befound, unless we bring about a shipwreck, and free ourselves from alldangers!" "Bribe the pilot, if necessary, and persuade him to steer theship into some port, " volunteered Giton; "tell him your brother's nearlydead from seasickness: your woebegone face and streaming tears will lendcolor to your deception, and the pilot may be moved to mercy and grantyour prayer. " Eumolpus denied the practicability of this. "It is onlywith difficulty, " affirmed he, "that large ships are warped intolandlocked harbors, nor would it appear probable that my brother couldhave been taken so desperately in so short a time. And then, Lycas willbe sure to want to visit a sick passenger, as part of his duties! Youcan see for yourselves what a fine stroke it would be, bringing thecaptain to his own runaways! But, supposing that the ship could be putoff her course, supposing that Lycas did not hold sick-call, how could weleave the ship in such a manner as not to be stared at by all the rest?With muffled heads? With bare? If muffled, who would not want to lendthe sick man a hand? If bare, what would it mean if not proscribingourselves?"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SECOND. 

"Why would it not be better to take refuge in boldness, " I asked, "slidedown a rope into the ship's boat, cut the painter, and leave the rest toluck'? And furthermore, I would not involve Eumolpus in this adventure, for what is the good of getting an innocent man into troubles with whichhe has no concern? I shall be well content if chance helps us into theboat. " "Not a bad scheme, " Eumolpus agreed, "if it could only be carriedout: but who could help seeing you when you start? Especially the man atthe helm, who stands watch all night long and observes even the motionsof the stars. But it could be done in spite of that, when he dozed offfor a second, that is, if you chose some other part of the ship fromwhich to start: as it is, it must be the stern, you must even slip downthe rudder itself, for that is where the painter that holds the boat intow is made fast. And there is still something else, Encolpius. I amsurprised that it has not occurred to you that one sailor is on watch, lying in the boat, night and day. You couldn't get rid of that watchmanexcept by cutting his throat or throwing him overboard by force. Consultyour own courage as to whether that can be done or not. And as far as mycoming with you is concerned, I shirk no danger which holds out any hopesof success, but to throw away life without a reason, as if it were athing of no moment, is something which I do not believe that even youwould sanction--see what you think of this: I will wrap you up in twohide baggage covers, tie you up with thongs, and stow you among myclothing, as baggage, leaving the ends somewhat open, of course, so youcan breathe and get your food. Then I will raise a hue and cry because myslaves have thrown themselves into the sea, fearing worse punishment; andwhen the ship makes port, I will carry you out as baggage withoutexciting the slightest suspicion!" "Oh! So you would bundle us up likewe were solid, " I sneered; "our bellies wouldn't make trouble for us, ofcourse, and we'll never sneeze nor snore! And all because a similartrick turned out successfully before! Think the matter over! Being tiedup could be endured for one day, but suppose it might have to be forlonger? What if we should be becalmed? What if we were struck by astorm from the wrong quarter of the heavens? What could we do then?Even clothes will cut through at the wrinkles when they are tied up toolong, and paper in bundles will lose its shape. Do you imagine that we, who are young and unused to hardship, could endure the filthy rags andlashings necessary to such an operation, as statues do? No! That'ssettled! Some other road to safety must be found! I have thought up ascheme, see what you think of it! Eumolpus is a man of letters. He willhave ink about him, of course. With this remedy, then, let's change ourcomplexions, from hair to toe-nails! Then, in the guise of Ethiopianslaves, we shall be ready at hand to wait upon you, light-hearted ashaving escaped the torturer, and, with our altered complexions, we canimpose upon our enemies!" "Yes, indeed, " sneered Giton, "and be sureand circumcise us, too, so we will be taken for Jews, pierce our ears sowe will look like Arabs, chalk our faces so that Gaul will take us forher own sons; as if color alone could change one's figure! As if manyother details did not require consideration if a passable imposture is toresult! Even granting that the stained face can keep its color for sometime, suppose that not a drop of water should spot the skin, suppose thatthe garment did not stick to the ink, as it often does, where no gum isused, tell me! We can't make our lips so hideously thick, can we? Wecan't kink our hair with a curling-iron, can we? We can't harrow ourforeheads with scars, can we? We can't force our legs out into the formof a bow or walk with our ankle-bones on the ground, can we? Can we trimour beards after the foreign style? No! Artificial color dirties thebody without changing it. Listen to the plan which I have thought out inmy desperation; let's tie our garments around our heads and throwourselves into the deep!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRD. 

"Gods and men forbid that you should make so base an ending of yourlives, " cried Eumolpus. "No! It will be better to do as I direct. Asyou may gather, from his razor, my servant is a barber: let him shaveyour heads and eyebrows, too, and quickly at that! I will follow afterhim, and I will mark my inscription so cleverly upon your foreheads thatyou will be mistaken for slaves who have been branded! The same letterswill serve both to quiet the suspicions of the curious and to conceal, under semblance of punishment, your real features!" We did not delay theexecution of this scheme but, sneaking stealthily to the ship's side, wesubmitted our heads and eyebrows to the barber, that he might shave themclean. Eumolpus covered our foreheads completely, with large lettersand, with a liberal hand, spread the universally known mark of thefugitive over the face of each of us. As luck would have it, one of thepassengers, who was terribly seasick, was hanging over the ship's sideeasing his stomach. He saw the barber busy at his unseasonable task bythe light of the moon and, cursing the omen which resembled the lastoffering of a crew before shipwreck, he threw himself into his bunk. Pretending not to hear his puking curses, we reverted to our melancholytrain of thought and, settling ourselves down in silence, we passed theremaining hours of the night in fitful slumber. (On the followingmorning Eumolpus entered Lycas' cabin as soon as he knew that Tryphaenawas out of bed and, after some conversation upon the happy voyage ofwhich the fine weather gave promise, Lycas turned to Tryphaena andremarked:)

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTH. 

"Priapus appeared to me in a dream and seemed to say--Know thatEncolpius, whom you seek, has, by me, been led aboard your ship!"Tryphaena trembled violently, "You would think we had slept together, "she cried, "for a bust of Neptune, which I saw in the gallery at Baiae, said to me, in my dream--You will find Giton aboard Lycas' ship!" "Fromwhich you can see that Epicurus was a man inspired, " remarked Eumolpus;"he passed sentence upon mocking phantasms of that kind in a very wittymanner. 

 Dreams that delude the mind with flitting shades By neither powers of air nor gods, are sent: Each makes his own! And when relaxed in sleep The members lie, the mind, without restraint Can flit, and re-enact by night, the deeds That occupied the day. The warrior fierce, Who cities shakes and towns destroys by fire Maneuvering armies sees, and javelins, And funerals of kings and bloody fields. 

 The cringing lawyer dreams of courts and trials, The miser hides his hoard, new treasures finds: The hunter's horn and hounds the forests wake, The shipwrecked sailor from his hulk is swept. Or, washed aboard, just misses perishing. Adultresses will bribe, and harlots write To lovers: dogs, in dreams their hare still course; And old wounds ache most poignantly in dreams!"

"Still, what's to prevent our searching the ship?" said Lycas, after hehad expiated Tryphaena's dream, "so that we will not be guilty ofneglecting the revelations of Providence?" "And who were the rascals whowere being shaved last night by the light of the moon?" chimed in Hesus, unexpectedly, for that was the name of the fellow who had caught us atour furtive transformation in the night. "A rotten thing to do, I swear!From what I hear, it's unlawful for any living man aboard ship to shedhair or nails, unless the wind has kicked up a heavy sea. "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTH. 

Lycas was greatly disturbed by this information, and flew into a rage. "So someone aboard my ship cut off his hair, did he?" he bawled, "and atdead of night, too! Bring the offenders aft on deck here, and steplively, so that I can tell whom to punish, from their heads, that theship may be freed from the curse!" "I ordered it done, " Eumolpus brokein, "and I didn't order it as an unlucky omen, either, seeing that I hadto be aboard the same vessel: I did it because the scoundrels had longmatted hair, I ordered the filth cleared off the wretches because I didnot wish to even seem to make a prison out of your ship: besides, I didnot want the seared scars of the letters to be hidden in the least, bythe interference of the hair; as they ought to be in plain sight, foreveryone to read, and at full length, too. In addition to their othermisdemeanors, they blew in my money on a street-walker whom they kept incommon; only last night I dragged them away from her, reeking with wineand perfumes, as they were, and they still stink of the remnants of mypatrimony!" Thereupon, forty stripes were ordered for each of us, thatthe tutelary genius of the ship might be propitiated. And they were notlong about it either. Eager to propitiate the tutelary genius with ourwretched blood, the savage sailors rushed upon us with their rope's ends. For my part, I endured three lashes with Spartan fortitude, but at thevery first blow, Giton set up such a howling that his all too familiarvoice reached the ears of Tryphaena; nor was she the only one who was ina flutter, for, attracted by this familiar voice, all the maids rushed towhere he was being flogged. Giton had already moderated the ardor of thesailors by his wonderful beauty, he appealed to his torturers withoututtering a word. "It's Giton! It's Giton!" the maids all screamed inunison. "Hold your hands, you brutes; help, Madame, it's Giton!"Tryphaena turned willing ears, she had recognized that voice herself, andflew to the boy. Lycas, who knew me as well as if he had heard my voice, now ran up; he glanced at neither face nor hands, but directed his eyestowards parts lower down; courteously he shook hands with them, "How doyou do, Encolpius, " he said. Let no one be surprised at Ulysses' nursediscovering, after twenty years, the scar that established his identity, since this man, so keenly observant, had, in spite of the most skillfuldisguise of every feature and the obliteration of every identifying markupon my body, so surely hit upon the sole means of identifying hisfugitive! Deceived by our appearance, Tryphaena wept bitterly, believing that the marks upon our foreheads were, in truth, the brandsof prisoners: she asked us gently, into what slave's prison we had fallenin our wanderings, and whose cruel hands had inflicted this punishment. Still, fugitives whose members had gotten them into trouble certainlydeserved some punishment. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTH. 

In a towering passion, Lycas leaped forward, "Oh you silly woman, " heshouted, "as if those scars were made by the letters on thebranding-iron! If only they had really blotched up their foreheads withthose inscriptions, it would be some satisfaction to us, at least; butas it is, we are being imposed upon by an actor's tricks, and hoaxed bya fake inscription!" Tryphaena was disposed to mercy, as all was notlost for her pleasures, but Lycas remembered the seduction of his wifeand the insults to which he had been subjected in the portico of thetemple of Hercules: "Tryphaena, " he gritted out, his face convulsed withsavage passion, "you are aware, I believe, that the immortal gods have ahand in human affairs: what did they do but lead these scoundrels aboardthis ship in ignorance of the owner and then warn each of us alike, by acoincidence of dreams, of what they had done? Can you then see how itwould be possible to let off those whom a god has, himself, delivered upto punishment? I am not a cruel man; what moves me is this: I am afraidI shall have to endure myself whatever I remit to them!" At thissuperstitious plea Tryphaena veered around; denying that she wouldplead for quarter, she was even anxious to help along the fulfillment ofthis retribution, so entirely just: she had herself suffered an insultno less poignant than had Lycas, for her chastity had been called inquestion before a crowd. 

 Primeval Fear created Gods on earth when from the sky The lightning-flashes rent with flame the ramparts of the world, And smitten Athos blazed! Then, Phoebus, sinking to the earth, His course complete, and waning Luna, offerings received. The changing seasons of the year the superstition spread Throughout the world; and Ignorance and Awe, the toiling boor, To Ceres, from his harvest, the first fruits compelled to yield And Bacchus with the fruitful vine to crown. Then Pales came Into her own, the shepherd's gains to share. Beneath the waves Of every sea swims Neptune. Pallas guards the shops, And those impelled by Avarice or Guilt, create new Gods!

(Lycas, as he perceived that Tryphaena was as eager as himself forrevenge, gave orders for our punishment to be renewed and made moredrastic, whereupon Eumolpus endeavored to appease him as follows, )

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTH. 

("Lycas, " said he, "these unfortunates upon whom you intend to wreak yourvengeance, implore your compassion and) have chosen me for this task. I believe that I am a man, by no means unknown, and they desire that, somehow, I will effect a reconciliation between them and their formerfriends. Surely you do not imagine that these young men fell into sucha snare by accident, when the very first thing that concerns everyprospective passenger is the name of the captain to whom he intrusts hissafety! Be reasonable, then; forego your revenge and permit free men toproceed to their destination without injury. When penitence manages tolead their fugitives back, harsh and implacable masters restrain theircruelty, and we are merciful to enemies who have surrendered. What couldyou ask, or wish for, more? These well-born and respectable young menbe suppliant before your eyes and, what ought to move you more stronglystill, were once bound to you by the ties of friendship. If they hadembezzled your money or repaid your faith in them with treachery, by Hercules, you have ample satisfaction from the punishment alreadyinflicted! Look! Can you read slavery on their foreheads, and see uponthe faces of free men the brand-marks of a punishment which wasself-inflicted!" Lycas broke in upon this plea for mercy, "Don't try toconfuse the issue, " he said, "let every detail have its proper attentionand first of all, why did they strip all the hair off their heads, if they came of their own free will? A man meditates deceit, notsatisfaction, when he changes his features! Then again, if they soughtreconciliation through a mediator, why did you do your best to concealthem while employed in their behalf? It is easily seen that thescoundrels fell into the toils by chance and that you are seeking somedevice by which you could sidestep the effects of our resentment. And becareful that you do not spoil your case by over-confidence when youattempt to sow prejudice among us by calling them well-born andrespectable! What should the injured parties do when the guilty run intotheir own punishment? And inasmuch as they were our friends, by that, they deserve more drastic punishment still, for whoever commits anassault upon a stranger, is termed a robber; but whoever assaults afriend, is little better than a parricide!" "I am well aware, " Eumolpusreplied, to rebut this damning harangue, "that nothing can look blackeragainst these poor young men than their cutting off their hair at night. On this evidence, they would seem to have come aboard by accident, notvoluntarily. Oh how I wish that the explanation could come to your earsjust as candidly as the thing itself happened! They wanted to relievetheir heads of that annoying and useless weight before they came aboard, but the unexpected springing up of the wind prevented the carrying out oftheir wishes, and they did not imagine that it mattered where they beganwhat they had decided to do, because they were unacquainted with eitherthe omens or the law of seafaring men. " "But why should they shavethemselves like suppliants?" demanded Lycas, "unless, of course, theyexpected to arouse more sympathy as bald-pates. What's the use ofseeking information through a third person, anyway? You scoundrel, whathave you to say for yourself? What salamander singed off your eyebrows?You poisoner, what god did you vow your hair to? Answer!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTH. 

I was stricken dumb, and trembled from fear of punishment, nor could Ifind anything to say, out of countenance as I was and hideous, for to thedisgrace of a shaven poll was added an equal baldness in the matter ofeyebrows; the case against me was only too plain, there was not a thingto be said or done! Finally, a damp sponge was passed over my tear-wetface, and thereupon, the smut dissolved and spread over my wholecountenance, blotting out every feature in a sooty cloud. Anger turnedinto loathing. Swearing that he would permit no one to humiliatewell-born young men contrary to right and law, Eumolpus checked thethreats of the savage persecutors by word and by deed. His hiredservant backed him up in his protest, as did first one and then anotherof the feeblest of the seasick passengers, whose participation servedrather to inflame the disagreement than to be of help to us. For myselfI asked no quarter, but I shook my fists in Tryphaena's face, and toldher in a loud voice that unless she stopped hurting Giton, I would useevery ounce of my strength against her, reprobate woman that she was, the only person aboard the ship who deserved a flogging. Lycas wasfuriously angry at my hardihood, nor was he less enraged at myabandoning my own cause, to take up that of another, in so wholehearteda manner. Inflamed as she was by this affront, Tryphaena was as furiousas he, so the whole ship's company was divided into two factions. Onour side, the hired barber armed himself with a razor and served out theothers to us; on their side, Tryphaena's retainers prepared to battlewith their bare fists, nor was the scolding of female warriors unheardin the battle-line. The pilot was neutral, but he declared that unlessthis madness, stirred up by the lechery of a couple of vagabonds, dieddown, he would let go the helm! The fury of the combatants continued torage none the less fiercely, nevertheless, they fighting for revenge, wefor life. Many fell on each side, though none were mortally wounded, and more, bleeding from wounds, retreated, as from a real battle, butthe fury of neither side abated. At last the gallant Giton turned themenacing razor against his own virile parts, and threatened to cut awaythe cause of so many misfortunes. This was too much for Tryphaena; sheprevented the perpetration of so horrid a crime by the out and outpromise of quarter. Time and time again, I lifted the barber's blade tomy throat, but I had no more intention of killing myself than had Gitonof doing what he threatened, but he acted out the tragic part morerealistically than I, as it was, because he knew that he held in hishand the same razor with which he had already cut his throat. The linesstill stood at the ready, and it was plain to be seen that this would beno everyday affair, when the pilot, with difficulty, prevailed uponTryphaena to undertake the office of herald, and propose a truce; so, when pledges of good faith had been given and received, in keeping withthe ancient precedent she snatched an olive-branch from the ship'sfigurehead and, holding it out, advanced boldly to parley. 

 "What fury, " she exclaims, "turns peace to war? What evil deed Was by these hands committed? Trojan hero there is none Absconding in this ship with bride of Atreus' cuckold seed Nor crazed Medea, stained by life's blood of her father's son! But passion scorned, becomes a power: alas! who courts his end By drawing sword amidst these waves? Why die before our time? Strive not with angry seas to vie and to their fury lend Your rage by piling waves upon its savage floods sublime !"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND NINTH. 

The woman poured out this rhapsody in a loud excited voice, thebattle-line wavered for an instant, then all hands were recalled topeace and terminated the war. Eumolpus, our commander, took advantageof the psychological moment of their repentance and, after administeringa stinging rebuke to Lycas, signed a treaty of peace which was drawn upas follows: "It is hereby solemnly agreed on your part, Tryphaena, thatyou do forego complaint of any wrong done you by Giton; that you do notbring up anything that has taken place prior to this date, that you donot seek to revenge anything that has taken place prior to this date, that you do not take steps to follow it up in any other mannerwhatsoever; that you do not command the boy to perform anything to himrepugnant; that you do neither embrace nor kiss the said Giton; that youdo not enfold said Giton in the sexual embrace, except under immediateforfeiture of one hundred denarii. Item, it is hereby agreed on yourpart, Lycas, that you do refrain from annoying Encolpius with abusiveword or reproachful look; that you do not seek to ascertain where hesleep at night; or, if you do so seek, that you forfeit two hundreddenarii immediately for each and every such offense. " The treaty wassigned upon these terms, and we laid down our arms. It seemed well towipe out the past with kisses, after we had taken oath, for fear anyvestige of rancor should persist in our minds. Factious hatreds diedout amidst universal good-fellowship, and a banquet, served on the fieldof battle, crowned our reconciliation with joviality. The whole shipresounded with song and, as a sudden calm had caused her to loseheadway, one tried to harpoon the leaping fish, another hauled in thestruggling catch on baited hooks. Then some sea-birds alighted upon theyard-arms and a skillful fowler touched them with his jointed rods: theywere brought down to our hands, stuck fast to the limed segments. Thebreeze caught up the down, but the wing and tail feathers twistedspirally as they fell into the sea-foam. Lycas was already beginning tobe on good terms with me, and Tryphaena had just sprinkled Giton withthe last drops in her cup, when Eumolpus, who was himself almost drunk, was seized with the notion of satirizing bald pates and branded rascals, but when he had exhausted his chilly wit, he returned at last to hispoetry and recited this little elegy upon hair:

 "Gone are those locks that to thy beauty lent such lustrous charm And blighted are the locks of Spring by bitter Winter's sway; Thy naked temples now in baldness mourn their vanished form, And glistens now that poor bare crown, its hair all worn away Oh! Faithless inconsistency! The gods must first resume The charms that first they granted youth, that it might lovelier bloom! Poor wretch, but late thy locks did brighter glister Than those of great Apollo or his sister! Now, smoother is thy crown than polished grasses Or rounded mushrooms when a shower passes! In fear thou fliest the laughter-loving lasses. That thou may'st know that Death is on his way, Know that thy head is partly dead this day!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TENTH. 

It is my opinion that he intended favoring us with more of the same kindof stuff, sillier than the last, but Tryphaena's maid led Giton awaybelow and fitted the lad out in her mistress' false curls; then producingsome eyebrows from a vanity box, she skillfully traced out the lines ofthe lost features and restored him to his proper comeliness. Recognizingthe real Giton, Tryphaena was moved to tears, and then for the first timeshe gave the boy a real love-kiss. I was overjoyed, now that the lad wasrestored to his own handsome self, but I hid my own face all the moreassiduously, realizing that I was disfigured by no ordinary hideousnesssince not even Lycas would bestow a word upon me. The maid rescued mefrom this misfortune finally, however, and calling me aside, she deckedme out with a head of hair which was none the less becoming; my faceshone more radiantly still, as a matter of fact, for my curls weregolden! But in a little while, Eumolpus, mouthpiece of the distressedand author of the present good understanding, fearing that the generalgood humor might flag for lack of amusement, began to indulge in sneersat the fickleness of women: how easily they fell in love; how readilythey forgot even their own sons! No woman could be so chaste but thatshe could be roused to madness by a chance passion! Nor had he need toquote from old tragedies, or to have recourse to names, notorious forcenturies; on the contrary, if we cared to hear it, he would relate anincident which had occurred within his own memory, whereupon, as we allturned our faces towards him and gave him our attention, he began asfollows:

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVENTH. 

"There was a certain married lady at Ephesus, once upon a time, so notedfor her chastity that she even drew women from the neighboring states tocome to gaze upon her! When she carried out her husband she was by nomeans content to comply with the conventional custom and follow thefuneral cortege with her hair down, beating her naked breast in sight ofthe onlookers! She followed the corpse, even into the tomb; and when thebody had been placed in the vault, in accordance with the Greek custom, she began to stand vigil over it, weeping day and night! Neither parentsnor relations could divert her from punishing herself in this manner andfrom bringing on death by starvation. The magistrates, the last resort, were rebuffed and went away, and the lady, mourned by all as an unusualexample, dragged through the fifth day without nourishment. A mostfaithful maid was in attendance upon the poor woman; she either wept incompany with the afflicted one or replenished the lamp which was placedin the vault, as the occasion required. Throughout the whole city therewas but one opinion, men of every calling agreed that here shone the onesolitary example of chastity and of love! In the meantime the governorof the province had ordered some robbers crucified near the little vaultin which the lady was bewailing her recent loss. On the following night, a soldier who was standing guard over the crosses for fear someone mightdrag down one of the bodies for burial, saw a light shining brightlyamong the tombs, and heard the sobs of someone grieving. A weaknesscommon to mankind made him curious to know who was there and what wasgoing on, so he descended into the tomb and, catching sight of a mostbeautiful woman, he stood still, afraid at first that it was someapparition or spirit from the infernal regions; but he finallycomprehended the true state of affairs as his eye took in the corpselying there, and as he noted the tears and the face lacerated by thefinger-nails, he understood that the lady was unable to endure the lossof the dear departed. He then brought his own scanty ration into thevault and exhorted the sobbing mourner not to persevere in useless grief, or rend her bosom with unavailing sobs; the same end awaited us all, thesame last resting place: and other platitudes by which anguished mindsare recalled to sanity. But oblivious to sympathy, she beat andlacerated her bosom more vehemently than before and, tearing out herhair, she strewed it upon the breast of the corpse. Notwithstandingthis, the soldier would not leave off, but persisted in exhorting theunfortunate lady to eat, until the maid, seduced by the smell of thewine, I suppose, was herself overcome and stretched out her hand toreceive the bounty of their host. Refreshed by food and drink, shethen began to attack the obstinacy of her mistress. 'What good will itdo you to die of hunger?' she asked, 'or to bury yourself alive'? Or tosurrender an uncondemned spirit before the fates demand it? 'Think youthe ashes or sepultured dead can feel aught of thy woe! Would you recallthe dead from the reluctant fates? Why not shake off this womanishweakness and enjoy the blessings of light while you can? The very corpselying there ought to convince you that your duty is to live!' Whenpressed to eat or to live, no one listens unwillingly, and the lady, thirsty after an abstinence of several days, finally permitted herobstinacy to be overcome; nor did she take her fill of nourishmentwith less avidity than had the maid who had surrendered first. "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWELFTH. 

"But to make a long story short, you know the temptations that beset afull stomach: the soldier laid siege to her virtue with the selfsameblandishments by which he had persuaded her that she ought to live. Nor, to her modest eye, did the young man seem uncouth or wanting in address. The maid pled in his behalf and kept repeating:

 Why will you fight with a passion that to you is pleasure, Remembering not in whose lands you are taking your leisure?

"But why should I keep you longer in suspense? The lady observed thesame abstinence when it came to this part of her body, and the victorioussoldier won both of his objectives; so they lay together, not onlythat night, in which they pledged their vows, but also the next, and eventhe third, shutting the doors of the vault, of course, so that anyone, acquaintance or stranger, coming to the tomb, would be convinced thatthis most virtuous of wives had expired upon the body of her husband. Asfor the soldier, so delighted was he with the beauty of his mistress andthe secrecy of the intrigue, that he purchased all the delicacies his paypermitted and smuggled them into the vault as soon as darkness fell. Meanwhile, the parents of one of the crucified criminals, observing thelaxness of the watch, dragged the hanging corpse down at night andperformed the last rite. The soldier was hoodwinked while absent fromhis post of duty, and when on the following day he caught sight of one ofthe crosses without its corpse, he was in terror of punishment andexplained to the lady what had taken place: He would await no sentence ofcourt-martial, but would punish his neglect of duty with his own sword!Let her prepare a place for one about to die, let that fatal vault serveboth the lover and the husband! 'Not that, ' cried out the lady, no lessmerciful than chaste, 'the gods forbid that I should look at the sametime upon the corpses of the two men dearest to me; I would rather hangthe dead than slay the living!' So saying, she gave orders for the bodyof her husband to be lifted out of the coffin and fastened upon thevacant cross! The soldier availed himself of the expedient suggested bythis very ingenious lady and next day everyone wondered how a dead manhad found his way to the cross!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEENTH. 

The sailors received this tale with roars of laughter, and Tryphaenablushed not a little and laid her face amorously upon Giton's neck. ButLycas did not laugh; "If that governor had been a just man, " said he, shaking his head angrily, "he would have ordered the husband's body takendown and carried back into the vault, and crucified the woman. " No doubtthe memory of Hedyle haunted his mind, and the looting of his ship inthat wanton excursion. But the terms of the treaty permitted theharboring of no old grudges and the joy which filled our hearts left noroom for anger. Tryphaena was lying in Giton's lap by this time, covering his bosom with kisses one minute and rearranging the curls uponhis shaven head the next. Uneasy and chagrined at this new league, Itook neither food nor drink but looked askance at them both, with grimeyes. Every kiss was a wound to me, every artful blandishment which thewanton woman employed, and I could not make up my mind as to whether Iwas more angered at the boy for having supplanted me with my mistress, orat my mistress for debauching the boy: both were hateful to my sight, andmore galling than my late servitude. And to make the matter all the moreaggravating, Tryphaena would not even greet me as an acquaintance, whomshe had formerly received as a lover, while Giton did not think me worthyof a "Here's-to-you" in ordinary civility, nor even speak to me in thecourse of the common conversation; I suppose he was afraid of reopening atender scar at the moment when a return to her good graces had commencedto draw it together. Tears of vexation dropped upon my breast and thegroan I smothered in a sigh nearly wracked my soul. 

 The vulture tearing; at the liver's deep and vital parts, That wracks our breasts and rends our very heartstrings Is not that bird the charming poet sings with all his arts; 'T'is jealousy or hate that human hearts stings. 

(In spite of my ill-humor, Lycas saw how well my golden curls became meand, becoming enamoured anew, began winking his wanton eyes at me and)sought admission to my good graces upon a footing of pleasure, nor did heput on the arrogance of a master, but spoke as a friend asking a favor;(long and ardently he tried to gain his ends, but all in vain, till atlast, meeting with a decisive repulse, his passion turned to fury and hetried to carry the place by storm; but Tryphaena came in unexpectedly andcaught him in his wanton attempt, whereupon he was greatly upset andhastily adjusted his clothing and bolted out of the cabin. Tryphaena wasfired with lust at this sight, "What was Lycas up to?" she demanded. "What was he after in that ardent assault?" She compelled me to explain, burned still more hotly at what she heard, and, recalling memories of ourpast familiarities, she desired me to renew our old amour, but I was wornout with so much venery and slighted her advances. She was burning upwith desire by this time, and threw her arms around me in a frenziedembrace, hugging me so tightly that I uttered an involuntary cry of pain. One of her maids rushed in at this and, thinking that I was attempting toforce from her mistress the very favor which I had refused her, shesprang at us and tore us apart. Thoroughly enraged at the disappointmentof her lecherous passion, Tryphaena upbraided me violently, and with manythreats she hurried out to find Lycas for the purpose of exasperating himfurther against me and of joining forces with him to be revenged upon me. Now you must know that I had formerly held a very high place in thiswaiting-maid's esteem, while I was prosecuting my intrigue with hermistress, and for that reason she took it very hard when she surprised mewith Tryphaena, and sobbed very bitterly. I pressed her earnestly to tellme the reason for her sobs) {and after pretending to be reluctant shebroke out:} "You will think no more of her than of a common prostitute ifyou have a drop of decent blood in your veins! You will not resort tothat female catamite, if you are a man!" {This disturbed my mind but}what exercised me most was the fear that Eumolpus would find out whatwas going on and, being a very sarcastic individual, might revenge mysupposed injury in some poetic lampoon, (in which event his ardent zealwould without doubt expose me to ridicule, and I greatly dreaded that. But while I was debating with myself as to the best means of preventinghim from getting at the facts, who should suddenly come in but the manhimself; and he was not uninformed as to what had taken place, forTryphaena had related all the particulars to Giton and had tried toindemnify herself for my repulse, at the expense of my little friend. Eumolpus was furiously angry because of all this, and all the more so aslascivious advances were in open violation of the treaty which had beensigned. The minute the old fellow laid eyes upon me, he began bewailingmy lot and ordered me to tell him exactly what had happened. As he wasalready well informed, I told him frankly of Lycas' lecherous attempt andof Tryphaena's wanton assault. When he had heard all the facts, )Eumolpus swore roundly (that he would certainly avenge us, as the Godswere just and would not suffer so many villainies to go unpunished. )

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTEENTH. 

We were still discussing this and other matters when the sea grew rough, and clouds, gathering from every quarter, obscured with darkness thelight of day. The panic-stricken sailors ran to their stations and tookin sail before the squall was upon them, but the gale did not drive thewaves in any one direction and the helmsman lost his bearings and did notknow what course to steer. At one moment the wind would set towardsSicily, but the next, the North Wind, prevailing on the Italian coast, would drive the unlucky vessel hither and yon; and, what was moredangerous than all the rain-squalls, a pall of such black density blottedout the light that the helmsman could not even see as far forward as thebow. At last, as the savage fury of the sea grew more malignant, thetrembling Lycas stretched out his hands to me imploringly. "Save us fromdestruction, Encolpius, " he shouted; "restore that sacred robe and holyrattle to the ship! Be merciful, for heaven's sake, just as you used tobe!" He was still shouting when a windsquall swept him into the sea; theraging elements whirled him around and around in a terrible maelstrom andsucked him down. Tryphaena, on the other hand, was seized by herfaithful servants, placed in a skiff, along with the greater part of herbelongings, and saved from certain death. Embracing Giton, I wept aloud:"Did we deserve this from the gods, " I cried, "to be united only indeath? No! Malignant fortune grudges even that. Look! In an instantthe waves will capsize the ship! Think! In an instant the sea willsever this lover's embrace! If you ever loved Encolpius truly, kiss himwhile yet you may and snatch this last delight from impendingdissolution!" Even as I was speaking, Giton removed his garment and, creeping beneath my tunic, he stuck out his head to be kissed; then, fearing some more spiteful wave might separate us as we clung together, he passed his belt around us both. "If nothing else, " he cried, "the seawill at least bear us longer, joined together, and if, in pity, it castsus up upon the same shore, some passerby may pile some stones over us, out of common human kindness, or the last rites will be performed by thedrifting sand, in spite of the angry waves. " I submit to this last bondand, as though I were laid out upon my death-bed, await an end no longerdreaded. Meanwhile, accomplishing the decrees of the Fates, the stormstripped the ship of all that was left; no mast, no helm, not a rope noran oar remained on board her; she was only a derelict, heavy andwater-logged, drifting before the waves. Some fishermen hastily put offin their little boats to salvage their booty, but, seeing men alive andready to defend their property, they changed their predatory designs intooffers of help. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTEENTH. 

Just then, amid that clamor of voices we heard a peculiar noise, and frombeneath the captain's cabin there came a bellowing as of some wild beasttrying to get out. We then followed up the sound and discoveredEumolpus, sitting there scribbling verses upon an immense sheet ofparchment! Astounded that he could find time to write poetry at death'svery door, we hauled him out, in spite of his protests, and ordered himto return to his senses, but he flew into a rage at being interrupted;"Leave me alone until I finish this sentence, " he bawled; "the poemlabors to its birth. " Ordering Giton to come to close quarters and helpme drag the bellowing bard ashore, I laid hands upon the lunatic. Whenthis job had at last been completed, we came, wet and wretched, to afisherman's hut and refreshed ourselves somewhat with stores from thewreck, spoiled though they were by salt water, and passed a night thatwas almost interminable. As we were holding a council, next day, todetermine to what part of the country we had best proceed, I suddenlycaught sight of a human body, turning around in a gentle eddy andfloating towards the shore. Stricken with melancholy, I stood still andbegan to brood, with wet eyes, upon the treachery of the sea. "Andperhaps, " said I, "a wife, safe in some far-away country of the earth, awaits this man, or a son who little dreams of storms or wrecks; orperhaps he left behind a father, whom he kissed good-by at parting! Suchis the end of mortal's plans, such is the outcome of great ambitions!See how man rides the waves!" Until now, I had been sorrowing for a merestranger, but a wave turned the face, which had undergone no change, towards the shore, and I recognized Lycas; so evil-tempered and sounrelenting but a short time before, now cast up almost at my feet! Icould no longer restrain the tears, at this; I beat my breast again andyet again, with my hands. "Where is your evil temper now?" I cried. "Where is your unbridled passion? You be there, a prey to fish and wildbeasts, you who boasted but a little while ago of the strength of yourcommand. Now you have not a single plank left of your great ship! Goon, mortals; set your hearts upon the fulfillment of great ambitions: Goon, schemers, and in your wills control for a thousand years the disposalof the wealth you got by fraud! Only yesterday this man audited theaccounts of his family estate, yea, even reckoned the day he would arrivein his native land and settled it in his mind! Gods and goddesses, howfar he lies from his appointed destination! But the waves of the sea arenot alone in thus keeping faith with mortal men: The warrior's weaponsfail him; the citizen is buried beneath the ruins of his own penates, when engaged in paying his vows to the gods; another falls from hischariot and dashes out his ardent spirit; the glutton chokes at dinner;the niggard starves from abstinence. Give the dice a fair throw and youwill find shipwreck everywhere! Ah, but one overwhelmed by the wavesobtains no burial! As though it matters in what manner the body, once itis dead, is consumed: by fire, by flood, by time! Do what you will, these all achieve the same end. Ah, but the beasts will mangle the body!As though fire would deal with it any more gently; when we are angry withour slaves that is the punishment which we consider the most severe. What folly it is, then, to do everything we can to prevent the grave fromleaving any part of us behind {when the Fates will look out for us, evenagainst our wills. "} (After these reflections we made ready to pay thelast rites to the corpse, ) and Lycas was burned upon a funeral pyreraised by the hands of enemies, while Eumolpus, fixing his eyes upon thefar distance to gain inspiration, composed an epitaph for the dead man:

 HIS FATE WAS UNAVOIDABLE

 NO ROCK-HEWN TOMB NOR SCULPTURED MARBLE HIS, HIS NOBLE CORPSE FIVE FEET OF EARTH RECEIVED, HE RESTS IN PEACE BENEATH THIS HUMBLE MOUND. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEENTH. 

We set out upon our intended journey, after this last office had beenwholeheartedly performed, and, in a little while, arrived, sweating, atthe top of a mountain, from which we made out, at no great distance, atown, perched upon the summit of a lofty eminence. Wanderers as we were, we had no idea what town it could be, until we learned from a caretakerthat it was Crotona, a very ancient city, and once the first in Italy. When we earnestly inquired, upon learning this, what men inhabited suchhistoric ground, and the nature of the business in which they wereprincipally engaged, now that their wealth had been dissipated by the oftrecurring wars, "My friends, " replied he, "if you are men of business, change your plans and seek out some other conservative road to alivelihood, but if you can play the part of men of great culture, alwaysready with a lie, you are on the straight road to riches: The study ofliterature is held in no estimation in that city, eloquence has no nichethere, economy and decent standards of morality come into no reward ofhonor there; you must know that every man whom you will meet in that citybelongs to one of two factions; they either 'take-in, ' or else they are'taken-in. ' No one brings up children in that city, for the reason thatno one who has heirs is invited to dinner or admitted to the games; suchan one is deprived of all enjoyments and must lurk with the rabble. Onthe other hand, those who have never married a wife, or those who have nonear relatives, attain to the very highest honors; in other words, theyare the only ones who are considered soldierly, or the bravest of thebrave, or even good. You will see a town which resembles the fields intime of pestilence, " he continued, "in which there is nothing butcarcasses to be torn at and carrion crows tearing at them. "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEENTH. 

Eumolpus, who had a deeper insight, turned this state of affairs over inhis mind and declared that he was not displeased with a prospect of thatkind. I thought the old fellow was joking in the care-free way of poets, until he complained, "If I could only put up a better front! I mean thatI wish my clothing was in better taste, that my jewelry was moreexpensive; all this would lend color to my deception: I would not carrythis scrip, by Hercules, I would not I would lead you all to greatriches!" For my part, I undertook to supply whatever my companion inrobbery had need of, provided he would be satisfied with the garment, andwith whatever spoils the villa of Lycurgus had yielded when we robbed it;as for money against present needs, the Mother of the Gods would see tothat, out of regard to her own good name! "Well, what's to prevent ourputting on an extravaganza?" demanded Eumolpus. "Make me the master ifthe business appeals to you. " No one ventured to condemn a scheme bywhich he could lose nothing, and so, that the lie would be kept safeamong us all, we swore a solemn oath, the words of which were dictated byEumolpus, to endure fire, chains, flogging, death by the sword, andwhatever else Eumolpus might demand of us, just like regular gladiators!After the oath had been taken, we paid our respects to our master withpretended servility, and were informed that Eumolpus had lost a son, ayoung man of great eloquence and promise, and that it was for this reasonthe poor old man had left his native land that he might not see thecompanions and clients of his son, nor even his tomb, which was the causeof his daily tears. To this misfortune a recent shipwreck had beenadded, in which he had lost upwards of two millions of sesterces; notthat he minded the loss but, destitute of a train of servants he couldnot keep up his proper dignity! Furthermore, he had, invested in Africa, thirty millions of sesterces in estates and bonds; such a horde of hisslaves was scattered over the fields of Numidia that he could have evensacked Carthage! We demanded that Eumolpus cough frequently, to furtherthis scheme, that he have trouble with his stomach and find fault withall the food when in company, that he keep talking of gold and silver andestates, the incomes from which were not what they should be, and of theeverlasting unproductiveness of the soil; that he cast up his accountsdaily, that he revise the terms of his will monthly, and, for fear anydetail should be lacking to make the farce complete, he was to use thewrong names whenever he wished to summon any of us, so that it would beplain to all that the master had in mind some who were not present. Wheneverything had been thus provided for, we offered a prayer to the gods"that the matter might turn out well and happily, " and took to the road. But Giton could not bear up under his unaccustomed load, and the hiredservant Corax, a shirker of work, often put down his own load and cursedour haste, swearing that he would either throw his packs away or run awaywith his load. "What do you take me for, a beast of burden?" hegrumbled, "or a scow for carrying stone? I hired out to do the work of aman, not that of a pack-horse, and I'm as free as you are, even if myfather did leave me poor!" Not satisfied with swearing, he lifted up hisleg from time to time and filled the road with an obscene noise and afilthy stench. Giton laughed at his impudence and imitated everyexplosion with his lips, {but Eumolpus relapsed into his usual vein, evenin spite of this. }

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEENTH. 

"Young men, " said he, "many are they who have been seduced by poetry;for, the instant a man has composed a verse in feet, and has woven a moredelicate meaning into it by means of circumlocutions, he straightwayconcludes that he has scaled Helicon! Take those who are worn out by thedistressing detail of the legal profession, for example: they often seeksanctuary in the tranquillity of poetry, as a more sheltered haven, believing themselves able more easily to compose a poem than a rebuttalcharged with scintillating epigrams! But a more highly cultivated mindloves not this conceited affectation, nor can it either conceive or bringforth, unless it has been steeped in the vast flood of literature. Everyword that is what I would call 'low, ' ought to be avoided, and phrasesfar removed from plebeian usage should be chosen. Let 'Ye rabble routavaunt, ' be your rule. In addition, care should be exercised inpreventing the epigrams from standing out from the body of the speech;they should gleam with the brilliancy woven into the fabric. Homer is anexample, and the lyric poets, and our Roman Virgil, and the exquisitepropriety of Horace. Either the others did not discover the road thatleads to poetry, or, having seen, they feared to tread it. Whoeverattempts that mighty theme, the civil war, for instance, will sink underthe load unless he is saturated with literature. Events, past andpassing, ought not to be merely recorded in verse, the historian willdeal with them far better; by means of circumlocutions and theintervention of the immortals, the free spirit, wracked by the search forepigrams having a mythological illusion, should plunge headlong andappear as the prophecy of a mind inspired rather than the attested faithof scrupulous exactitude in speech. This hasty composition may pleaseyou, even though it has not yet received its final polishing:"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND NINETEENTH. 

 "The conquering Roman now held the whole world in his sway, The ocean, the land; where the sun shone by day or the moon

 Gleamed by night: but unsated was he. And the seas

 Were roiled by the weight of his deep-laden keels; if a bay

 Lay hidden beyond, or a land which might yield yellow gold

 'Twas held as a foe. While the struggle for treasure went on

 The fates were preparing the horrors and scourges of war. 

 Amusements enjoyed by the vulgar no longer can charm

 Nor pleasures worn threadbare by use of the plebeian mob. 

 The bronzes of Corinth are praised by the soldier at sea;

 And glittering gems sought in earth, vie with purple of Tyre;

 Numidia curses her here, there, the exquisite silks

 Of China; Arabia's people have stripped their own fields. 

 Behold other woes and calamities outraging peace!

 Wild beasts, in the forest are hunted, for gold; and remote

 African hammon is covered by beaters, for fear

 Some beast that slays men with his teeth shall escape, for by that

 His value to men is enhanced! The vessels receive

 Strange ravening monsters; the tiger behind gilded bars

 And pacing his cage is transported to Rome, that his jaws

 May drip with the life blood of men to the plaudits of men

 Oh shame! To point out our impending destruction; the crime

 Of Persia enacted anew; in his puberty's bloom

 The man child is kidnapped; surrenders his powers to the knife, Is forced to the calling of Venus; delayed and hedged round

 The hurrying passage of life's finest years is held back

 And Nature seeks Nature but finds herself not. Everywhere

 These frail-limbed and mincing effeminates, flowing of locks, Bedecked with an infinite number of garments of silk

 Whose names ever change, the wantons and lechers to snare, Are eagerly welcomed! From African soil now behold

 The citron-wood tables; their well-burnished surface reflects

 Our Tyrian purples and slaves by the horde, and whose spots

 Resemble the gold that is cheaper than they and ensnare

 Extravagance. Sterile and ignobly prized is the wood

 But round it is gathered a company sodden with wine;

 And soldiers of fortune whose weapons have rusted, devour

 The spoils of the world. Art caters to appetite. Wrasse

 From Sicily brought to their table, alive in his own Sea water. 

 The oysters from Lucrine's shore torn, at the feast

 Are served to make famous the host; and the appetite, cloyed, To tempt by extravagance. Phasis has now been despoiled

 Of birds, its littoral silent, no sound there is heard

 Save only the wind as it rustles among the last leaves. 

 Corruption no less vile is seen in the campus of Mars, Our quirites are bribed; and for plunder and promise of gain

 Their votes they will alter. The people is venal; corrupt

 The Senate; support has its price! And the freedom and worth

 Of age is decayed, scattered largesse now governs their power;

 Corrupted by gold, even dignity lies in the dust. 

 Cato defeated and hooted by mobs, but the victor

 Is sadder, ashamed to have taken the rods from a Cato:

 In this lay the shame of the nation and character's downfall, 'Twas not the defeat of a man! No! The power and the glory

 Of Rome were brought low; represented in him was the honor

 Of sturdy Republican Rome. So, abandoned and wretched, The city has purchased dishonor: has purchased herself!

 Despoiled by herself, no avenger to wipe out the stigma

 Twin maelstroms of debt and of usury suck down the commons. 

 No home with clear title, no citizen free from a mortgage, But as some slow wasting disease all unheralded fastens

 Its hold on the vitals, destroying the vigor of manhood, So, fear of the evils impending, impels them to madness. 

 Despair turns to violence, luxury's ravages needs must

 Repaired be by bloodshed, for indigence safely can venture. 

 Can art or sane reason rouse wallowing Rome from the offal

 And break the voluptuous slumber in which she is sunken?

 Or must it be fury and war and the blood-lust of daggers?"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTIETH. 

 "Three chieftains did fortune bring forth, whom the fury of battles

 Destroyed; and interred, each one under a mountain of weapons;

 The Parthian has Crassus, Pompeius the Great by the waters

 Of Egypt lies. Julius, ungrateful Rome stained with his life blood. 

 And earth has divided their ashes, unable to suffer

 The weight of so many tombs. These are the wages of glory!

 There lies between Naples and Great Puteoli, a chasm

 Deep cloven, and Cocytus churns there his current; the vapor

 In fury escapes from the gorge with that lethal spray laden. 

 No green in the aututun is there, no grass gladdens the meadow, The supple twigs never resound with the twittering singing

 Of birds in the Springtime. But chaos, volcanic black boulders

 Of pumice lie Happy within their drear setting of cypress. 

 Amidst these infernal surroundings the ruler of Hades

 Uplifted his head by the funeral flames silhouetted

 And sprinkled with white from the ashes of corpses; and challenged

 Winged Fortune in words such as these: 'Oh thou fickle controller

 Of things upon earth and in heaven, security's foeman, Oh Chance! Oh thou lover eternally faithful to change, and

 Possession's betrayer, dost own thyself crushed by the power

 Of Rome? Canst not raise up the tottering mass to its downfall

 Its strength the young manhood of Rome now despises, and staggers

 In bearing the booty heaped up by its efforts: behold how

 They lavish their spoils! Wealth run mad now brings down their destruction. 

 They build out of gold and their palaces reach to the heavens;

 The sea is expelled by their moles and their pastures are oceans;

 They war against Nature in changing the state of creation. 

 They threaten my kingdom! Earth yawns with their tunnels deep driven

 To furnish the stone for their madmen's foundations; already

 The mountains are hollowed and now but re-echoing caverns;

 While man quarries marble to serve his vainglorious purpose

 The spirits infernal confess that they hope to win Heaven!

 Arise, then, O Chance, change thy countenance peaceful to warlike

 And harry the Romans, consign to my kingdom the fallen. 

 Ah, long is it now since my lips were with blood cooled and moistened, Nor has my Tisiphone bathed her blood-lusting body

 Since Sulla's sword drank to repletion and earth's bristling harvest

 Grew ripe upon blood and thrust up to the light of the sunshine!'"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIRST. 

 "He spake . .. And attempted to clasp the right hand of Fortuna, But ruptured the crust of the earth, deeply cloven, asunder. 

 Then from her capricious heart Fortune made answer: 'O father

 Whom Cocytus' deepest abysses obey, if to forecast

 The future I may, without fear, thy petition shall prosper;

 For no less consuming the anger that wars in this bosom, The flame no less poignant, that burns to my marrow All favors

 I gave to the bulwarks of Rome, now, I hate them. My

 Gifts I repent! The same God who built up their dominion

 Shall bring down destruction upon it. In burning their manhood

 My heart shall delight and its blood-lust shall slake with their slaughter. 

 Now Philippi's field I can see strewn with dead of two battles

 And Thessaly's funeral pyres and Iberia mourning. 

 Already the clangor of arms thrills my ears, and rings loudly:

 Thou, Lybian Nile, I can see now thy barriers groaning

 And Actium's gulf and Apollo's darts quailing the warriors!

 Then, open thy thirsty dominions and summon fresh spirits;

 For scarce will the ferryman's strength be sufficient to carry

 The souls of the dead in his skiff: 'tis a fleet that is needed!

 Thou, Pallid Tisiphone, slake with wide ruin, thy thirsting

 And tear ghastly wounds: mangled earth sinks to hell and the spirits. '"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SECOND. 

 "But scarce had she finished, when trembled the clouds; and a gleaming

 Bright flash of Jove's lightning transfixed them with flame and was gone. 

 The Lord of the Shades blanched with fear, at this bolt of his brother's, Sank back, and drew closely together the gorge in Earth's bosom. 

 By auspices straightway the slaughter of men and the evils

 Impending are shown by the gods. Here, the Titan unsightly

 Blood red, veils his face with a twilight; on strife fratricidal

 Already he gazed, thou hadst thought! There, silvery Cynthia

 Obscuring her face at the full, denied light to the outrage. 

 The mountain crests riven by rock-slides roll thundering downward

 And wandering rivers, to rivulets shrunk, writhed no longer

 Familiar marges between. With the clangor of armor

 The heavens resound; from the stars wafts the thrill of a trumpet

 Sounding the call to arms. AEtna, now roused to eruption

 Unwonted, darts flashes of flame to the clouds. Flitting phantoms

 Appear midst the tombs and unburied bones, gibbering menace

 A comet, strange stars in its diadem, leads a procession

 And reddens the skies with its fire. Showers of blood fall from heaven

 These portents the Deity shortly fulfilled! For now Caesar

 Forsook vacillation and, spurred by the love of revenge, sheathed

 The Gallic sword; brandished the brand that proclaimed civil warfare. 

 There, high in the Alps, where the crags, by a Greek god once trodden, Slope down and permit of approach, is a spot ever sacred

 To Hercules' altar; the winter with frozen snow seals it

 And rears to the heavens a summit eternally hoary, As though the sky there had slipped down: no warmth from the sunbeams, No breath from the Springtime can soften the pile's wintry rigor

 Nor slacken the frost chains that bind; and its menacing shoulders

 The weight of the world could sustain. With victorious legions

 These crests Caesar trod and selected a camp. Gazing downwards

 On Italy's plains rolling far, from the top of the mountain, He lifted both hands to the heavens, his voice rose in prayer:

 'Omnipotent Jove, and thou, refuge of Saturn whose glory

 Was brightened by feats of my armies and crowned with my triumphs, Bear witness! Unwillingly summon I Mars to these armies, Unwillingly draw I the sword! But injustice compels me. 

 While enemy blood dyes the Rhine and the Alps are held firmly

 Repulsing a second assault of the Gauls on our city, She dubs me an outcast! And Victory makes me an exile!

 To triumphs three score, and defeats of the Germans, my treason

 I trace! How can they fear my glory or see in my battles

 A menace? But hirelings, and vile, to whom my Rome is but a

 Stepmother! Methinks that no craven this sword arm shall hamper

 And take not a stroke in repost. On to victory, comrades, While anger seethes hot. With the sword we will seek a decision

 The doom lowering down is a peril to all, and the treason. 

 My gratitude owe I to you, not alone have I conquered!

 Since punishment waits by our trophies and victory merits

 Disgrace, then let Chance cast the lots. Raise the standard of battle;

 Again take your swords. Well I know that my cause is accomplished

 Amidst such armed warriors I know that I cannot be beaten. '

 While yet the words echoed, from heaven the bird of Apollo

 Vouchsafed a good omen and beat with his pinions the ether. 

 From out of the left of a gloomy grove strange voices sounded

 And flame flashed thereafter! The sun gleamed with brighter refulgence

 Unwonted, his face in a halo of golden flame shining. "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-THIRD. 

 "By omens emboldened, to follow, the battle-flags, Caesar

 Commanded; and boldly led on down the perilous pathway. 

 The footing, firm-fettered by frost chains and ice, did not hinder

 At first, but lay silent, the kindly cold masking its grimness;

 But, after the squadrons of cavalry shattered the clouds, bound

 By ice, and the trembling steeds crushed in the mail of the rivers, Then, melted the snows! And soon torrents newborn, from the heights of

 The mountains rush down: but these also, as if by commandment

 Grow rigid, and, turn into ice, in their headlong rush downwards!

 Now, that which rushed madly a moment before, must be hacked through!

 But now, it was treacherous, baffling their steps and their footing

 Deceiving; and men, horses, arms, fall in heaps, in confusion. 

 And see! Now the clouds, by an icy gale smitten, their burden

 Discharge! Lo! the gusts of the whirlwind swirl fiercely about them;

 The sky in convulsions, with swollen hail buffets them sorely. 

 Already the clouds themselves rupture and smother their weapons, An avalanche icy roars down like a billow of ocean;

 Earth lay overwhelmed by the drifts of the snow and the planets

 Of heaven are blotted from sight; overwhelmed are the rivers

 That cling to their banks, but unconquered is Caesar! His javelin

 He leans on and scrunches with firm step a passage the bristling

 Grim ice fields across! As, spurred on by the lust, of adventure

 Amphitryon's offspring came striding the Caucasus slopes down;

 Or Jupiter's menacing mien as, from lofty Olympus

 He leaped, the doomed giants to crush and to scatter their weapons. 

 While Caesar in anger the swelling peaks treads down, winged rumor

 In terror flies forth and on beating wings seeks the high summit

 Of Palatine tall: every image she rocks with her message

 Announcing this thunderbolt Roman! Already, the ocean

 Is tossing his fleets! Now his cavalry, reeking with German

 Gore, pours from the Alps! Slaughter, bloodshed, and weapons

 The red panorama of war is unrolled to their vision!

 By terror their hearts are divided: two counsels perplex them!

 One chooses by land to seek flight: to another, the water

 Appeals, and the sea than his own land is safer! Another

 Will stand to his arms and advantage extort from Fate's mandate. 

 The depth of their fear marks the length of their flight! In confusion

 The people itself--shameful spectacle--driven by terror

 Is led to abandon the city. Rome glories in fleeing!

 The Quirites from battle blench! Cowed by the breath of a rumor

 Relinquished their firesides to mourning! One citizen, palsied

 With terror, his children embraces: another, his penates

 Conceals in his bosom; then, weeping, takes leave of his threshold

 And slaughters the distant invader--with curses! Their spouses

 Some clasp to their sorrow-wracked bosoms! Youths carry their fathers

 Bowed down with old age, uninured to the bearing of burdens. 

 They seize what they dread to lose most. Inexperience drags all

 Its chattels to camp and to battle: as, when powerful Auster

 Piles up the churned waters and tumbles them: never a yard-arm

 Nor rudder to answer the hand, here, one fashions a life-raft

 Of pine planks, another steers into some bay on a lee shore, Another will crack on and run from the gale and to Fortune

 Trust all! But why sorrow for trifles? The consuls, with Pompey

 The Great--he, the terror of Pontus, of savage Hydaspes

 Explorer, the reef that wrecked pirates, caused Jove to turn livid, When thrice was a triumph decreed him, whom Pontus' vexed water

 And pacified billows of Bosphorus worshipped! Disgraceful their

 Flight! Title and glory forsaking! Now Fortune capricious

 Looks down on the back of great Pompey retreating in terror!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FOURTH. 

 "So great a misfortune disrupted the concord of heaven

 And gods swelled the rout in their panic! Behold through creation

 The gentle divinities flee from the ravening earth; in

 Their loathing they turn from humanity, doomed to destruction!

 And first of all, Peace, with her snowy white arms, hides her visage

 Defeated, her helmet beneath and, abandoning earth, flees

 To seek out the realm of implacable Dis, as a refuge

 Meek Faith her companion, and Justice with locks loosely flowing, And Concord, in tears, and her raiment in tatters, attend her. 

 The minions of Pluto pour forth from the portals of darkness

 That yawn: the serpent-haired Fury, Bellona the Savage, Megoera with firebrands, destruction, and treachery, livid

 Death's likeness! Among them is Frenzy, as, free, with her lashings

 Snapped short, she now raises her gory head, shielding her features

 Deep scarred by innumerous wounds 'neath her helmet blood-clotted. 

 Her left arm she guards with a battle-scarred shield scored by weapons, And numberless spear-heads protrude from its surface: her right hand

 A flaming torch brandishes, kindling a flame that will burn up

 The world! Now the gods are on earth and the skies note their absence;

 The planets disordered their orbits attempt! Into factions

 The heavens divide; first Dione espouses the cause of

 Her Caesar. Minerva next steps to her side and the great son

 Of Ares, his mighty spear brandishing! Phoebus espouses

 The cause of Great Pompey: his sister and Mercury also

 And Hercules like unto him in his travels and labors. 

 The trumpets call! Discord her Stygian head lifts to heaven

 Her tresses disheveled, her features with clotted blood covered, Tears pour from her bruised eyes, her iron fangs thick coated with rust, Her tongue distils poison, her features are haloed with serpents, Her hideous bosom is visible under her tatters, A torch with a blood red flame waves from her tremulous right hand. 

 Emerging from Cocytus dark and from Tartarus murky

 She strode to the crests of the Apennines noble, the prospect

 Of earth to survey, spread before her the world panorama

 Its shores and the armies that march on its surface: these words then

 Burst out of her bosom malignant: 'To arms, now, ye nations, While anger seethes hot, seize your arms, set the torch to the cities, Who skulks now is lost; neither woman nor child nor the aged

 Bowed down with their years shall find quarter: the whole world will tremble

 And rooftrees themselves shall crash down and take part in the struggle. 

 Marcellus, hold firm for the law! And thou, Curio, madden

 The rabble! Thou, Lentulus, strive not to check valiant Ares!

 Thou, Cesar divine, why delayest thou now thine invasion?

 Why smash not the gates, why not level the walls of the cities, Their treasures to pillage? Thou, Magnus, dost not know the secret

 Of holding the hills of Rome? Take thou the walls of Dyrrachium, Let Thessaly's harbors be dyed with the blood of the Romans!'

 On earth was obeyed every detail of Discord's commandment. "

When Eumolpus had, with great volubility, poured out this flood of words, we came at last to Crotona. Here we refreshed ourselves at a mean inn, but on the following day we went in search of more imposing lodgings andfell in with a crowd of legacy hunters who were very curious as to theclass of society to which we belonged and as to whence we had come. Thereupon, in accord with our mutual understanding, such ready answersdid we make as to who we might be or whence we had come that we gave themno cause for doubt. They immediately fell to wrangling in their desireto heap their own riches upon Eumolpus and every fortune-hunter solicitedhis favor with presents. 

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Desire no possession unless the world envies me for possessingEither 'take-in, ' or else they are 'taken-in'Platitudes by which anguished minds are recalled to sanityThey seize what they dread to lose most

VOLUME 5. --AFFAIRS AT CROTONA

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIFTH. 

For a long time affairs at Crotona ran along in this manner and Eumolpus, flushed with success so far forgot the former state of his fortunes thathe even bragged to his followers that no one could hold out against anywish of his, and that any member of his suite who committed a crimein that city would, through the influence of his friends, get offunpunished. But, although I daily crammed my bloated carcass tooverflowing with good things, and began more and more to believe thatFortune had turned away her face from keeping watch upon me, I frequentlymeditated, nevertheless, upon my present state and upon its cause. "Suppose, " thought I, "some wily legacy hunter should dispatch an agentto Africa and catch us in our lie? Or even suppose the hireling servant, glutted with prosperity, should tip off his cronies or give the wholescheme away out of spite? There would be nothing for it but flight and, in a fresh state of destitution, a recalling of poverty which had beendriven off. Gods and goddesses, how ill it fares with those livingoutside the law; they are always on the lookout for what is coming tothem!" (Turning these possibilities over in my mind I left the house, ina state of black melancholy, hoping to revive my spirits in the freshair, but scarcely had I set foot upon the public promenade when a girl, by no means homely, met me, and, calling me Polyaenos, the name I hadassumed since my metamorphosis, informed me that her mistress desiredleave to speak with me. "You must be mistaken, " I answered, inconfusion, "I am only a servant and a stranger, and am by no means worthyof such an honor. ")

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SIXTH. 

("You yourself, " she replied, "are the one to whom I was sent but, )because you are well aware of your good looks, you are proud and sellyour favors instead of giving them. What else can those wavy well-combedlocks mean or that face, rouged and covered with cosmetics, or thatlanguishing, wanton expression in your eyes? Why that gait, so precisethat not a footstep deviates from its place, unless you wish to show offyour figure in order to sell your favors? Look at me, I know nothingabout omens and I don't study the heavens like the astrologers, but I canread men's intentions in their faces and I know what a flirt is afterwhen I see him out for a stroll; so if you'll sell us what I want there'sa buyer ready, but if you will do the graceful thing and lend, let us beunder obligations to you for the favor. And as for your confession thatyou are only a common servant, by that you only fan the passion of thelady who burns for you, for some women will only kindle for canaille andcannot work up an appetite unless they see some slave or runner with hisclothing girded up: a gladiator arouses one, or a mule-driver all coveredwith dust, or some actor posturing in some exhibition on the stage. Mymistress belongs to this class, she jumps the fourteen rows from thestage to the gallery and looks for a lover among the gallery gods at theback. " Puffed up with this delightful chatter. "Come now, confess, won'tyou, " I queried, "is this lady who loves me yourself?" The waiting maidsmiled broadly at this blunt speech. "Don't have such a high opinion ofyourself, " said she, "I've never given in to any servant yet; the godsforbid that I should ever throw my arms around a gallows-bird. Let themarried women see to that and kiss the marks of the scourge if they like:I'll sit upon nothing below a knight, even if I am only a servant. " Icould not help marveling, for my part, at such discordant passions, and Ithought it nothing short of a miracle that this servant should possessthe hauteur of the mistress and the mistress the low tastes of the wench!

 Each one will find what suits his taste, one thing is not for all, One gathers roses as his share, another thorns enthrall. 

After a little more teasing, I requested the maid to conduct her mistressto a clump of plane trees. Pleased with this plan, the girl picked upthe skirt of her garment and turned into a laurel grove that bordered thepath. After a short delay she brought her mistress from her hiding-placeand conducted her to my side; a woman more perfect than any statue. There are no words with which to describe her form and anything I couldsay would fall far short. Her hair, naturally wavy, flowed completelyover her shoulders; her forehead was low and the roots of her hair werebrushed back from it; her eyebrows, running from the very springs of hercheeks, almost met at the boundary line between a pair of eyes brighterthan stars shining in a moonless night; her nose was slightly aquilineand her mouth was such an one as Praxiteles dreamed Diana had. Her chin, her neck, her hands, the gleaming whiteness of her feet under a slenderband of gold; she turned Parian marble dull! Then, for the first time, Doris' tried lover thought lightly of Doris!

 Oh Jove, what's come to pass that thou, thine armor cast away Art mute in heaven; and but an idle tale? At such a time the horns should sprout, the raging bull hold sway, Or they white hair beneath swan's down conceal Here's Dana's self! But touch that lovely form Thy limbs will melt beneath thy passions' storm!

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVENTH. 

She was delighted and so be witchingly did she smile that I seemed to seethe full moon showing her face from behind a cloud. Then, punctuatingher words with her fingers, "Dear boy, if you are not too critical toenjoy a woman of wealth who has but this year known her first man, Ioffer you a sister, " said she. "You have a brother already, I know, forI didn't disdain to ask, but what is to prevent your adopting a sister, too? I will come in on the same footing only deem my kisses worthy ofrecognition and caress me at your own pleasure!" "Rather let me imploreyou by your beauty, " I replied. "Do not scorn to admit an alien amongyour worshipers: If you permit me to kneel before your shrine you willfind me a true votary and, that you may not think I approach this templeof love without a gift, I make you a present of my brother!" "What, " sheexclaimed, "would you really sacrifice the only one without whom youcould not live'? The one upon whose kisses your happiness depends. Himwhom you love as I would have you love me?" Such sweetness permeated hervoice as she said this, so entrancing was the sound upon the listeningair that you would have believed the Sirens' harmonies were floating inthe breeze. I was struck with wonder and dazzled by I know not whatlight that shone upon me, brighter than the whole heaven, but I madebold to inquire the name of my divinity. "Why, didn't my maid tell youthat I am called Circe?" she replied. "But I am not the sun-child norhas my mother ever stayed the revolving world in its course at herpleasure; but if the Fates bring us two together I will owe heaven afavor. I don't know what it is, but some god's silent purpose is beneaththis. Circe loves not Polyaenos without some reason; a great torch isalways flaming when these names meet! Take me in your arms then, if youwill; there's no prying stranger to fear, and your 'brother' is far awayfrom this spot!" So saying, Circe clasped me in arms that were softerthan down and drew me to the ground which was covered with coloredflowers. 

 With flowers like these did Mother Earth great Ida's summit strew When Jupiter, his heart aflame, enjoyed his lawful love; There glowed the rose, the flowering rush, the violet's deep blue, From out green meadows snow-white lilies laughed. Then from above, This setting summoned Venus to the green and tender sod, Bright day smiled kindly on the secret amour of the God. 

Side by side upon the grassy plot we lay, exchanging a thousand kisses, the prelude to more poignant pleasure, (but alas! My sudden loss ofvigor disappointed Circe!)

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT. 

(Infuriated at this affront, ) "What's the matter, " demanded she; "do mykisses offend you? Is my breath fetid from fasting? Is there any evilsmelling perspiration in my armpits? Or, if it's nothing of this kind, are you afraid of Giton?" Under her eyes, I flushed hotly and, if I hadany virility left, I lost it then; my whole body seemed to be inert. "Myqueen, " I cried, "do not mock me in my humiliation. I am bewitched!"(Circe's anger was far from being appeased by such a trivial excuse;turning her eyes contemptuously away from me, she looked at her maid, )"Tell me, Chrysis, and tell me truly, is there anything repulsive aboutme? Anything sluttish? Have I some natural blemish that disfigures mybeauty? Don't deceive your mistress! I don't know what's the matterwith us, but there must be something!" Then she snatched a mirror fromthe silent maid and after scrutinizing all the looks and smiles whichpass between lovers, she shook out her wrinkled earth-stained robe andflounced off into the temple of Venus (nearby. ) And here was I, like aconvicted criminal who had seen some horrible nightmare, asking myselfwhether the pleasure out of which I had been cheated was a reality oronly a dream. 

 As when, in the sleep-bringing night Dreams sport with the wandering eyes, And earth, spaded up, yields to light Her gold that by day she denies, The stealthy hand snatches the spoils; The face with cold sweat is suffused And Fear grips him tight in her toils Lest robbers the secret have used And shake out the gold from his breast. But, when they depart from his brain, These enchantments by which he's obsessed, And Truth comes again with her train Restoring perspective and pain, The phantasm lives to the last, The mind dwells with shades of the past. 

(The misfortune seemed to me a dream, but I imagined that I must surelybe under a spell of enchantment and, for a long time, I was so devoid ofstrength that I could not get to my feet. But finally my mentaldepression began to abate, little by little my strength came back to me, and I returned home: arrived there, I feigned illness and threw myselfupon my couch. A little late: Giton, who had heard of my indisposition, entered the room in some concern. As I wished to relieve his mind Iinformed him that I had merely sought my pallet to take a rest, tellinghim much other gossip but not a word about my mishap as I stood in greatfear of his jealousy and, to lull any suspicion which he might entertain, I drew him to my side and endeavoured to give him some proofs of my lovebut all my panting and sweating were in vain. He jumped up in a rage andaccused my lack of virility and change of heart, declaring that he hadfor a long time suspected that I had been expending my vigor and breathelsewhere. "No! No! Darling, " I replied, "my love for you has alwaysbeen the same, but reason prevails now over love and wantonness. ") "Andfor the Socratic continence of your love, I thank you in his name, " (hereplied sarcastically, ) "Alcibiades was never more spotless when he lefthis master's bed!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-NINTH. 

"Believe me, 'brother, ' when I tell you that I do not know whether I am aman or not, " (I vainly protested;) "I do not feel like one, if I am!Dead and buried lies that part in which I was once an Achilles!" (Giton, seeing that I was completely enervated, and) fearing that it might givecause for scandal if he were caught in this quiet place with me, torehimself away and fled into an inner part of the house. (He had just gonewhen) Chrysis entered the room and handed me her mistress's tablets, inwhich were written the following words:

 CIRCE TO POLYIENOS-GREETING. 

 Were I a wanton, I should complain of my disappointment, but as it is I am beholden to your impotence, for by it I dallied the longer in the shadow of pleasure. Still, I would like to know how you are and whether you got home upon your own legs, for the doctors say that one cannot walk without nerves! Young man, I advise you to beware of paralysis for I never in my life saw a patient in such great danger; you're as good as dead, I'm sure! What if the same numbness should attack your hands and knees? You would have to send for the funeral trumpeters! Still, even if I have been affronted, I will not begrudge a prescription to one as sick as you! Ask Giton if you would like to recover. I am sure you will get back your strength if you will sleep without your "brother" for three nights. So far as I am concerned, I am not in the least alarmed about finding someone to whom I shall be as pleasing as I was to you; my mirror and my reputation do not lie. 

 Farewell (if you can). 

"Such things will happen, " said Chrysis, when she saw that I had readthrough the entire inditement, "and especially in this city, where thewomen can lure the moon from the sky! But we'll find a cure for yourtrouble. Just return a diplomatic answer to my mistress and restore herself-esteem by frank courtesy for, truth to tell, she has never beenherself from the minute she received that affront. " I gladly followedthe maid's advice and wrote upon the tablets as follows:

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTIETH. 

 POLYAENOS TO CIRCE--GREETING. 

 Dear lady, I confess that I have often given cause for offense, for I am only a man, and a young one, too, but I never committed a deadly crime until today! You have my confession of guilt, I deserve any punishment you may see fit to prescribe. I betrayed a trust, I murdered a man, I violated a temple: demand my punishment for these crimes. Should it be your pleasure to slay me I will come to you with my sword; if you are content with a flogging I will run naked to my mistress; only bear in mind that it was not myself but my tools that failed me. I was a soldier, and ready, but I had no arms. What threw me into such disorder I do not know, perhaps my imagination outran my lagging body, by aspiring to too much it is likely that I spent my pleasure in delay; I cannot imagine what the trouble was. You bid me beware of paralysis; as if a disease which prevented my enjoying you could grow worse! But my apology amounts briefly to this; if you will grant me an opportunity of repairing my fault, I will give you satisfaction. Farewell

After dismissing Chrysis with these fair promises, I paid carefulattention to my body which had so evilly served me and, omitting thebath, I annointed myself, in moderation, with unguents and placed myselfupon a more strengthening diet such as onions and snail's heads withoutcondiments, and I also drank more sparingly of wine; then, taking a shortwalk before settling down to sleep, I went to bed without Giton. Soanxious was I to please her that I feared the outcome if my "brother" laytickling my side. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIRST. 

Finding myself vigorous in mind and body when I arose next morning, Iwent down to the same clump of plane trees, though I dreaded the spot asone of evil omen, and commenced to wait for Chrysis to lead me on my way. I took a short stroll and had just seated myself where I had sat the daybefore, when she came under the trees, leading a little old woman by thehand. "Well, Mr. Squeamish, " she chirped, when she had greeted me, "haveyou recovered your appetite?" In the meantime, the old hag:

 A wine-soaked crone with twitching lips

brought out a twisted hank of different colored yarns and put it about myneck; she then kneaded dust and spittle and, dipping her middle fingerinto the mixture, she crossed my forehead with it, in spite of myprotests. 

 As long as life remains, there's hope; Thou rustic God, oh hear our prayer, Great Priapus, I thee invoke, Temper our arms to dare!

When she had made an end of this incantation she ordered me to spit threetimes, and three times to drop stones into my bosom, each stone shewrapped up in purple after she had muttered charms over it; then, directing her hands to my privates, she commenced to try out my virility. Quicker than thought the nerves responded to the summons, filling thecrone's hand with an enormous erection! Skipping for joy, "Look, Chrysis, look, " she cried out, "see what a hare I've started, for someoneelse to course!" (This done, the old lady handed me over to Chrysis, whowas greatly delighted at the recovery of her mistress's treasure; shehastily conducted me straight to the latter, introducing me into a lovelynook that nature had furnished with everything which could delight theeye. )

 Shorn of its top, the swaying pine here casts a summer shade And quivering cypress, and the stately plane And berry-laden laurel. A brook's wimpling waters strayed Lashed into foam, but dancing on again And rolling pebbles in their chattering flow. 'Twas Love's own nook, As forest nightingale and urban Procne undertook To bear true witness; hovering, the gleaming grass above And tender violets; wooing with song, their stolen love. 

Fanning herself with a branch of flowering myrtle, she lay, stretched outwith her marble neck resting upon a golden cushion. When she caughtsight of me she blushed faintly; she recalled yesterday's affront, Isuppose. At her invitation, I sat down by her side, as soon as theothers had gone; whereupon she put the branch of myrtle over my face andemboldened, as if a wall had been raised between us, "Well, Mr. Paralytic, " she teased, "have you brought all of yourself along today?""Why ask me, " I replied, "why not try me instead?" and throwing myselfbodily into her arms, I revelled in her kisses with no witchcraft to stopme. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SECOND. 

The loveliness of her form drew me to her and summoned me to love. Ourlips were pressed together in a torrent of smacking kisses, our gropinghands had discovered every trick of excitation, and our bodies, claspedin a mutual embrace, had fused our souls into one, (and then, in the verymidst of these ravishing preliminaries my nerves again played me falseand I was unable to last until the instant of supreme bliss. ) Lashed tofury by these inexcusable affronts, the lady at last ran to avengeherself and, calling her house servants, she gave orders for me to behoisted upon their shoulders and flogged; then, still unsatisfied withthe drastic punishment she had inflicted upon me, she called all thespinning women and scrubbing wenches in the house and ordered them tospit upon me. I covered my face with my hands but I uttered no complaintas I well knew what I deserved and, overwhelmed with blows and spittle, Iwas driven from the house. Proselenos was kicked out too, Chrysis wasbeaten, and all the slaves grumbled among themselves and wondered whathad upset their mistress's good humor. I took heart after having givensome thought to my misfortunes and, artfully concealing the marks of theblows for fear that Eumolpus would make merry over my mishaps or, worseyet, that Giton might be saddened by my disgrace, I did the only thing Icould do to save my self-respect, I pretended that I was sick and went tobed. There, I turned the full fury of my resentment against thatrecreant which had been the sole cause of all the evil accidents whichhad befallen me. 

 Three times I grasped the two-edged blade The recreant to cut away; Three times by Fear my hand was stayed And palsied Terror said me nay That which I might have done before 'Twas now impossible to do; For, cold with Fear, the wretch withdrew Into a thousand-wrinkled mare, And shrank in shame before my gaze Nor would his head uncover more. But though the scamp in terror skulked, With words I flayed him as he sulked. 

Raising myself upon my elbow I rebuked the shirker in some such terms asthese: "What have you to say for yourself, you disgrace to gods and men, "I demanded, "for your name must never be mentioned among refined people. Did I deserve to be lifted up to heaven and then dragged down to hell byyou? Was it right for you to slander my flourishing and vigorous yearsand land me in the shadows and lassitude of decrepit old age? Give mesome sign, however faint, I beg of you, that you have returned to life!"I vented my anger in words such as these. 

 His eyes were fixed, and with averted look He stood, less moved by any word of mine Than weeping willows bending o'er a brook Or drooping poppies as at noon they pine. 

When I had made an end of this invective, so out of keeping with goodtaste, I began to do penance for my soliloquy and blushed furtivelybecause I had so far forgotten my modesty as to invoke in words that partof my body which men of dignity do not even recognize. Then, rubbing myforehead for a long time, "Why have I committed an indiscretion inrelieving my resentment by natural abuse, " I mused, "what does it amountto? Are we not accustomed to swear at every member of the human body, the belly, throat, or even the head when it aches, as it often does? Didnot Ulysses wrangle with his own heart? Do not the tragedians 'Damntheir eyes' just as if they could hear?

"Gouty patients swear at their feet, rheumatics at their hands, blear-eyedpeople at their eyes, and do not those who often stub their toes blametheir feet for all their pain?

 "Why will our Catos with their frowning brows Condemn a work of fresh simplicity'? A cheerful kindness my pure speech endows; What people do, I write, to my capacity. For who knows not the pleasures Venus gives? Who will not in a warm bed tease his members? Great Epicurus taught a truth that lives; Love and enjoy life! All the rest is embers. 

"Nothing can be more insincere than the silly prejudices of mankind, andnothing sillier than the morality of bigotry, "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THIRD. 

I called Giton when I had finished my meditation: "Tell me, littlebrother, " I demanded, "tell me, on your honor: Did Ascyltos stay awakeuntil he had exacted his will of you, the night he stole you away fromme? Or was he content to spend the night like a chaste widow?" Wipinghis eyes the lad, in carefully chosen words took oath that Ascyltos hadused no force against him. (The truth of the matter is, that I was sodistraught with my own misfortunes that I knew not what I was saying. "Why recall past memories which can only cause pain, " said I to myself. I then directed all my energies towards the recovery of my lost manhood. To achieve this I was ready even to devote myself to the gods;accordingly, I went out to invoke the aid of Priapus. ) {Putting as good aface upon the matter as I could} I knelt upon the threshold of his shrineand invoked the God in the following verses:

 "Of Bacchus and the nymphs, companion boon, Whom fair Dione set o'er forests wide As God: whom Lesbos and green Thasos own For deity, whom Lydians, far and wide Adore through all the seasons of the year; Whose temple in his own Hypaepa placed, Thou Dryad's joy and Bacchus', hear my prayer! To thee I come, by no dark blood disgraced, No shrine, in wicked lust have I profaned; When I was poor and worn with want, I sinned Not by intent, a pauper's sin's not banned As of another! Unto thee I pray Lift thou the load from off my tortured mind, Forgive a light offense! When fortune smiles I'll not thy glory shun and leave behind Thy worship! Unto thee, a goat that feels His primest vigor, father of the flocks Shall come! And suckling pigs, the tender young Of some fine grunting sow! New wine, in crocks Shall foam! Thy grateful praises shall be sung By youths who thrice shall dance around thy shrine Happy, in youth and full of this year's wine!"

While I was engaged in this diplomatic effort in behalf of the affectedmember, a hideous crone with disheveled hair, and clad in black garmentswhich were in great disorder, entered the shrine and, laying hands uponme, led me {thoroughly frightened, } out into the portico. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOURTH. 

"What witches" (she cried, ) "have devoured your manhood? What filth didyou tread upon at some crossroads, in the dark? Not even by the boycould you do your duty but, weak and effeminate, you are worn out like acart-horse at a hill, you have lost both labor and sweat! Not contentwith getting yourself into trouble, you have stirred up the wrath of thegods against me {and I will make you smart for it. "} She then led me, unresisting, back into the priestess's room, pushed me down upon the bed, snatched a cane that hung upon the door, and gave me another thrashing:I remained silent and, had the cane not splintered at the first stroke, thereby diminishing the force of the blow, she might easily have brokenmy arms or my head. I groaned dismally, and especially when shemanipulated my member and, shedding a flood of tears, I covered my headwith my right arm and huddled down upon the pillow. Nor did she weepless bitterly:

The sailor, naked from his foundered barque, Some shipwrecked mariner seeks out to hear his woe;When hail beats down a farmer's crop, his carkSeeks consolation from another, too. Death levels caste and sufferers unites, And weeping parents are as one in grief;We also will beseech the starry heights, United prayers climb best, is the belief. 

She seated herself upon the other side of the bed and in quavering tonescommenced to accuse the delays of old age. At last the priestess camein. "Why, " she cried, "what has brought you into my cell as if you werevisiting a newly made grave? And on a feast-day, too, when even mournersought to smile!" "OEnothea, " the old hag replied, "this young man herewas born under an unlucky star: he can't dispose of his goods to eitherboy or girl. Such an unfortunate fellow you never saw. He has no toolat all, only a piece of leather soaked in water! I wish you would tellme what you think of a man who could get up from Circe's bed withouthaving tasted pleasure!" On hearing these words, OEnothea sat downbetween us and, after shaking her head for a while, "I'm the only onethat knows how to cure that disease, " said she, "and for fear you thinkI'm talking to hear myself talk, I'll just have the young fellow sleepwith me for a night, and if I don't make it as hard as horn!

 All that you see in the world must give heed to my mandates;

 Blossoming earth, when I will it, must languish, a desert. '

 Riches pour forth, when I will it, from crags and grim boulders

 Waters will spurt that will rival the Nile at its flooding

 Seas calm their billows before me, gales silence their howlings, Hearing my step! And the rivers sink into their channels;

 Dragons, Hyrcanian tigers stand fast at my bidding!

 Why should I tell you of small things? The image of Luna

 Drawn by my spells must descend, and Apollo, atremble

 Backs up his horses and turns from his course at my order!

 Such is the power of my word! By the rites of a virgin

 Quenched is the raging of bulls; and the sun's daughter Circe

 Changed and transfigured the crew of the wily Ulysses. 

 Proteus changes his form when his good pleasure dictates, I, who am skilled in these arts, can the shrubs of Mount Ida

 Plant in the ocean; turn rivers to flow up the mountains!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIFTH. 

At this declaration, which was so awe-inspiring, I shuddered in terror, and commenced to scrutinize the crone more narrowly. "Come now, " saidOEnothea, "obey my orders, " and, carefully wiping her hands, she bentover the cot and kissed me, once, twice! On the middle of the altarOEnothea placed an old table, upon which she heaped live coals, then withmelted pitch she repaired a goblet which had become cracked through age. Next she replaced, in the smoke-stained wall, a peg which had come outwhen she took down the wooden goblet. Then, having donned a mantle, inthe shape of a piece of square-cut cloth, she set a huge kettle upon thehearth and at the same time speared with a fork a cloth hanging upon themeathooks, and lifted it down. It contained some beans which had beenlaid away for future use, and a very small and stale piece of pig'scheek, scored with a thousand slashes. When she had untied the stringwhich fastened the cloth, she poured some of the beans upon the table andordered me to shell them quickly and carefully. I obey her mandate andwith careful fingers separate the beans from the filthy pods whichcontain them; but she, accusing my clumsiness, hastily snatched them and, skillfully tearing off the pods with her teeth, spat them upon theground, where they looked like dead flies. I wondered, then, at theingenuity of poverty and its expedients for emergency. (So ardent afollower of this virtue did the priestess seem that it was reflected ineverything around her. Her dwelling, in particular, was a very shrine ofpoverty. )

 No Indian ivory set in gold gleamed here, No trodden marble glistened here; no earth Mocked for its gifts; but Ceres' festive grove: With willow wickerwork 'twas set around, New cups of clay by revolutions shaped Of lowly wheel. For honey soft, a bowl; Platters of green bark wickerwork, a jar Stained by the lifeblood of the God of Wine; The walls around with chaff and spattered clay Were covered. Flanging from protruding nails Were slender stalks of the green rush; and then Suspended from the smoky beam, the stores Of this poor cottage. Service berries soft, Entwined in fragrant wreaths hung down, Dried savory and raisins by the bunch. An hostess here like she on Attic soil, Of Hecate's pure worship worthy she! Whose fame Kallimachos so grandly sang 'Twill live forever through the speaking years. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIXTH. 

In the meantime, (having shelled the beans, ) she took a mouthful of themeat and with the fork was replacing the pig's cheek, which was coevalwith herself, upon the meat-hook, when the rotten stool, which she wasusing to augment her height, broke down under the old lady's weight andlet her fall upon the hearth. The neck of the pot was broken, puttingout the fire, which was just getting a good start, her elbow was burnedby a flaming brand, and her whole face was covered by the ashes raised byher fall. I jumped up in dismay and, not without laughing, helped theold lady to her feet. She hastily scurried out into the neighborhood toreplenish the fire, for fear anything should delay the sacrifice. I wason my way to the door of the cell when lo! and behold! three sacred geesewhich were accustomed, I suppose, to demand their feed from the old womanat midday, made a rush at me and, surrounding me, made me nervous withtheir abominable rabid cackling. One tore at my tunic, another undid thelacings of my sandals and tugged at them, but one in particular, theringleader and moving spirit of this savage attack, did not hesitate toworry at my leg with his serrated bill. Unable to see the joke, Itwisted off one of the legs of the little table and, thus armed, began tobelabor the pugnacious brute. Nor did I rest content with a light blow, I avenged myself by the death of the goose. 

 'Twas thus, I ween, the birds of Stymphalus To heaven fled, by Herakles impelled; The Harpies, too, whose reeking pinions held That poison which the feast of Phineus Contaminated. All the air above With their unwonted lamentations shook, The heavens in uproar and confusion move {The Stars, in dread, their orbits then forsook!}

By this time the two remaining geese had picked up the beans which hadbeen scattered all over the floor and bereft, I suppose, of their leader, had gone back into the temple; and I, well content with my revenge and mybooty, threw the dead goose behind the cot and bathed the trifling woundin my leg with vinegar: then, fearing a scolding, I made up my mind torun away and, collecting together all my belongings, started to leave thehouse. I had not yet stepped over the threshold of the cell, however, when I caught sight of OEnothea returning with an earthen vessel full oflive coals. Thereupon I retraced my steps and, throwing off my garments, I took my stand just inside the door, as if I were awaiting her return. She banked her fire with broken reeds, piled some pieces of wood on top, and began to excuse her delay on the ground that her friend would notpermit her to leave until after the customary three drinks had beentaken. "But what were you up to in my absence?" she demanded. "Whereare the beans?" Thinking that I had done a thing worthy of all praise, Iinformed her of the battle in all its details and, that she might not bedowncast any longer, I produced the dead goose in payment for her loss. When the old lady laid eyes upon that, she raised such a clamor that youwould have thought that the geese had invaded the room again. Confoundedand thunderstruck at the novelty of my crime, I asked her why she was soangry and why she pitied the goose rather than myself. 

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVENTH. 

But, beating her palms together, "You villain, are you so brazen that youcan speak?" she shrieked. "Don't you know what a serious crime you'vecommitted? You have slaughtered the delight of Priapus, a goose, thevery darling of married women! And for fear you think that nothingserious has happened, if the magistrates find this out you'll go to thecross! Until this day my dwelling has been inviolate and you havepolluted it with blood! You have conducted yourself in such a mannerthat any enemy I have can turn me out of the priesthood!"

 She spoke, and from her trembling head she tore the snow-white hair, And scratched her cheeks: her eyes shed floods of tears. As when a torrent headlong rushes down the valleys drear, Its icy fetters gone when Sprint appears, And strikes the frozen shackles from rejuvenated earth So down her face the tears in torrents swept And wracking sobs convulsed her as she wept. 

"Please don't make such a fuss, " I said, "I'll give you an ostrich inplace of your goose!" While she sat upon the cot and, to mystupefaction, bewailed the death of the goose, Proselenos came in withthe materials for the sacrifice. Seeing the dead goose and inquiring thecause of her grief, she herself commenced to weep more violently stilland to commiserate me, as if I had slain my own father, instead of apublic goose. Growing tired of this nonsense at last, "See here, "said I, "could I not purchase immunity for a price, even though I hadassaulted you'? Even though I had murdered a man? Look here! I'mlaying down two gold pieces, you can buy both gods and geese with them!""Forgive me, young man, " said OEnothea, when she caught sight of thegold, "I am anxious upon your account; that is a proof of love, not ofmalignity. Let us take such precautions that not a soul will find thisout. As for you, pray to the gods to forgive your sacrilege!"

 The rich man can sail in a favoring gale And snap out his course at his pleasure; A Dance espouse, no Acrisius will rail, His credence by hers he will measure; Write verse, or declaim; snap the finger of scorn At the world, yet still win all his cases, The rabble will drink in his words with concern When a Cato austere it displaces. At law, his "not proven, " or "proved, " he can have With Servius or Labeo vieing; With gold at command anything he may crave Is his without asking or sighing. The universe bows at his slightest behest, For Jove is a prisoner in his treasure chest. 

In the meantime, she scurried around and put a jar of wine under my handsand, when my fingers had all been spread out evenly, she purified themwith leeks and parsley. Then, muttering incantations, she threwhazel-nuts into the wine and drew her conclusions as they sank orfloated; but she did not hoodwink me, for those with empty shells, nokernel and full of air, would of course float, while those that wereheavy and full of sound kernel would sink to the bottom. {She thenturned her attention to the goose, } and, cutting open the breast, shedrew out a very fat liver from which she foretold my future. Then, forfear any trace of the crime should remain, she cut the whole goose up, stuck the pieces upon spits, and served up a very delectable dinner forme, whom, but a moment before, she had herself condemned to death, inher own words! Meanwhile, cups of unmixed wine went merrily around (andthe crones greedily devoured the goose which they had but so latelylamented. When the last morsel had disappeared, OEnothea, half-drunk bythis time, looked at me and said, "We must now go through with themysteries, so that you may get back your virility. ")

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-EIGHTH. 

(As she said this OEnothea brought) out a leathern dildo which, when shehad smeared it with oil, ground pepper, and pounded nettle seed, shecommenced to force, little by little, up my anus. The merciless oldvirago then anointed the insides of my thighs with the same decoction;finally mixing nasturtium juice with elixir of southern wood, she gave mygenitals a bath and, picking up a bunch of green nettles, she commencedto strike me gently all over my belly below the navel. {The nettles stungme horribly and I suddenly took to my heels, with the old hags in fullpursuit. } Although they were befuddled with wine and lust they followedthe right road and chased me through several wards, screaming "Stopthief. " I made good my escape, however, although every toe was bleedingas the result of my headlong flight. (I got home as quickly as I couldand, worn out with fatigue, I sought my couch, but I could not snatch awink of sleep for the evil adventures which had befallen me kept runningthrough my brain and, brooding upon them, I came to the conclusion thatno one could be so abjectly unfortunate. "Has Fortune, always inimicalto me, stood in need of the pangs of love, that she might torture me morecruelly still, " I cried out; "unhappy wretch that I am! Fortune and Lovehave joined forces to bring about my ruin. Cruel Eros himself had neverdealt leniently with me, loved or lover I am put to the torture! Takethe case of Chrysis: she loves me desperately, never leaves off teasingme, she who despised me as a servant, because, when she was acting as hermistress's go-between, I was dressed in the garments of a slave: she, Isay) that same Chrysis, who looked with contempt upon your former lowlylot, is now bent upon following it up even at the peril of her life; (sheswore that she would never leave my side on the day when she told me ofthe violence of her passion: but Circe owns me, heart and soul, allothers I despise. Who could be lovelier than she?) What lovelinesshad Ariadne or Leda to compare with hers? What had Helen to compare withher, what has Venus? If Paris himself had seen her with her dancingeyes, when he acted as umpire for the quarreling goddesses, he would havegiven up Helen and the goddesses for her! If I could only steal a kiss, if only I might put my arms around that divine, that heavenly bosom, perhaps the virility would come back to this body and the parts, flaccidfrom witchcraft would, I believe, come into their own. Contempt cannottire me out: what if I was flogged; I will forget it! What if I wasthrown out! I will treat it as a joke! Only let me be restored to hergood graces!

 At rest on my pallet, night's silence had scarce settled down

 To soothe me, and eyes heavy-laden with slumber to lull

 When torturing Amor laid hold of me, seizing my hair

 And dragging me, wounding me, ordered a vigil till dawn. 

 'Oh heart of stone, how canst thou lie here alone?' said the God, 'Thou joy of a thousand sweet mistresses, how, oh my slave?'

 In disarrayed nightrobe I leap to bare feet and essay

 To follow all paths; but a road can discover by none. 

 One moment I hasten; the next it is torture to move, It irks me again to turn back, shame forbids me to halt

 And stand in the midst of the road. Lo! the voices of men, The roar of the streets, and the songs of the birds, and the bark

 Of vigilant watch-dogs are hushed! Alone, I of all

 Society dread both my slumber and couch, and obey

 Great Lord of the Passions, thy mandate which on me was laid. "

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-NINTH. 

(Such thoughts as these, of lovely Circe's charms so wrought upon my mindthat) I disordered my bed by embracing the image, as it were, of mymistress, (but my efforts were all wasted. ) This obstinate (afflictionfinally wore out my patience, and I cursed the hostile deity by whom Iwas bewitched. I soon recovered my composure, however, and, derivingsome consolation from thinking of the heroes of old, who had beenpersecuted by the anger of the gods, I broke out in these lines:)

 Hostile gods and implacable rate not me alone pursue;

 Herakles once suffered the weight of heaven's displeasure too

 Driven from the Inachian coast: Laomedon of old

 Sated two of the heavenly host: in Pelias, behold

 Juno's power to avenge an affront; and Telephus took arms

 Knowing not he must bear the brunt; Ulysses feared the storms

 Angry Neptune decreed as his due. Now, me to overwhelm

 Outraged Priapus ever pursues on land and Nereus' realm. 

(Tortured by these cares I spent the whole night in anxiety, and at dawn, Giton, who had found out that I had slept at home, entered the room andbitterly accused me of leading a licentious life; he said that the wholehousehold was greatly concerned at what I had been doing, that I was sorarely present to attend to my duties, and that the intrigue in which Iwas engaged would very likely bring about my ruin. I gathered from thisthat he had been well informed as to my affairs, and that someone hadbeen to the house inquiring for me. Thereupon, ) I began to ply Gitonwith questions as to whether anyone had made inquiry for me; "Not today, "he replied, "but yesterday a woman came in at the door, not bad looking, either, and after talking to me for quite a while, and wearing me outwith her far-fetched conversation, finally ended by saying that youdeserved punishment, and that you would receive the scourging of a slaveif the injured party pressed his complaint. " (This news afflicted me sobitterly that I levelled fresh recriminations against Fortune, and) I hadnot yet finished grumbling when Chrysis came in and, throwing herselfupon me, embraced me passionately. "I have you, " she cried, "just as Ihoped I would; you are my heart's desire, my joy, you can never put outthis flame of mine unless you quench it in my blood!" (I was greatlyembarrassed by this wantonness of Chrysis and had recourse to flatteryin order that I might rid myself of her, as I feared that her passionateoutcries would reach the ears of Eumolpus who, in the arrogance ofsuccess, had put on the manner of the master. So on this account, I dideverything I could think of to calm Chrysis. I feigned love, whisperedcompliments, in short, so skillfully did I dissimulate that she believedI was Love's own captive. I showed her what pressing peril overhung usshould she be caught in that room with me, as Eumolpus was only too readyto punish the slightest offense. On hearing this, she left me hurriedly, and all the more quickly, as she caught sight of Giton, who had only leftme a little before she had come in, on his way to my room. She wasscarcely gone when) one of the newly engaged servants rushed in andinformed me that the master was furiously angry with me because of my twodays' absence from duty; I would do well, therefore, to prepare someplausible excuse, as it was not likely that his angry passion would beplacated until someone had been flogged. (Seeing that I was so vexed anddisheartened, Giton said not a word about the woman, contenting himselfwith speaking of Eumolpus, and advising me that it would be better tojoke with him than to treat the matter seriously. I followed this leadand appeared before the old fellow, with so merry a countenance that, instead of showing severity, he received me with good humor and ralliedme upon the success of my love affairs, praising the elegance of myfigure which made me such a favorite with the ladies. "I know verywell, " he went on, "that a lovely woman is dying for love of you, Encolpius, and this may come in handy for us, so play your part and I'llplay mine, too!")

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTIETH. 

(He was still speaking, when in came a) matron of the most exclusivesocial set, Philumene by name, who had often, when young, extorted manya legacy by means of her charms, but an old woman now, the flower of herbeauty faded, she threw her son and daughter in the way of childless oldmen and through this substitution she contrived to continue herestablished policy. She came to Eumolpus, both to commend her childrento his practical judgment and to entrust herself and her hopes to hisgood nature, he being the only one in all the world who could dailyinstruct young children in healthy precepts. In short, she left herchildren in Eumolpus' house in order that they might hear the words thatdropped from his lips, as this was the only legacy she could leave tothem. Nor did she do otherwise than as she had promised, but left inhis bed chamber a very beautiful daughter and her brother, a lad, andpretended that she herself was compelled to go out to a temple to offerup her vows. Eumolpus, who was so continent that even I was a boy in hiseyes, lost no time in inviting the damsel to sacrifice to the AversaVenus; but, as he had told everyone that he was gouty and that his backwas weak, and as he stood in danger of upsetting the whole farce if hedid not carefully live up to the pretence, he therefore, that theimposture might be kept up, prevailed upon the young lady to seat herselfupon that goodness which had been commended to her, and ordered Corax tocrawl under the bed upon which he himself was lying and after bracinghimself by putting his hands upon the floor, to hoist his master up anddown with his own back. Corax carried out the order in full andskillfully seconded the wriggling of the girl with a correspondingseesaw. Then, when the crisis was about due, Eumolpus, in a ringingvoice, called out to Corax to increase the cadence. And thus the oldlecher, suspended between his servant and his mistress, enjoyed himselfjust as if he were in a swing. Time and again Eumolpus repeated thisperformance, to the accompaniment of ringing laughter in which he himselfjoined. At last, fearing I might lose an opportunity through lack ofapplication, I also made advances to the brother who was enjoying thegymnastics of his sister through the keyhole, to see if he would proveamenable to assault. Nor did this well trained lad reject my advances;but alas! I discovered that the God was still my enemy. (However, I wasnot so blue over this failure as I had been over those before, and myvirility returned a little later and, suddenly finding myself in betterfettle I cried out, ) "Great are the gods who have made me whole again!In his loving kindness, Mercury, who conducts and reconducts the souls, has restored to me that which a hostile hand had cut away. Look! Youwill find that I am more graciously endowed than was Protestilaus or anyother of the heroes of old!" So saying, I lifted up my tunic and showedEumolpus that I was whole. At first he was startled, then, that he mightbelieve his own eyes, he handled this pledge of the good will of the godswith both hands. (Our good humor was revived by this blessing and welaughed at the diplomacy of Philumene and at the skill with which herchildren plied their calling, little likely to profit them much with us, however, as it was only in hopes of coming into a legacy that she hadabandoned the boy and girl to us. Meditating upon this unscrupulousmethod of getting around childless old men, I began to take thought ofthe present state of our own affairs and made use of the occasion to warnEumolpus that he might be bitten in biting the biters. "Everything thatwe do, " I said, "should be dictated by Prudence. ) Socrates, {whosejudgment was riper than that} of the gods or of men used to boast that hehad never looked into a tavern nor believed the evidence of his own eyesin any crowded assembly which was disorderly: so nothing is more inkeeping than always conversing with wisdom. 

 Live coals are more readily held in men's mouths than a secret!

 Whatever you talk of at home will fly forth in an instant, Become a swift rumor and beat at the walls of your city. 

 Nor is it enough that your confidence thus has been broken, As rumor but grows in the telling and strives to embellish. 

 The covetous servant who feared to make public his knowledge

 A hole in the ground dug, and therein did whisper his secret

 That told of a king's hidden ears: this the earth straightway echoed, And rustling reeds added that Midas was king in the story. 

"Every word of this is true, " I insisted, "and no one deserves to get intotrouble more quickly than he who covets the goods of others! How couldcheats and swindlers live unless they threw purses or little bagsclinking with money into the crowd for bait? Just as dumb brutes areenticed by food, human beings are not to be caught unless they havesomething in the way of hope at which to nibble! (That was the reasonthat the Crotonians gave us such a satisfactory reception, but) the shipdoes not arrive, from Africa, with your money and your slaves, as youpromised. The patience of the fortune-hunters is worn out and they havealready cut down their liberality so that, either I am mistaken, or elseour usual luck is about to return to punish you!"

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIRST. 

("I have thought up a scheme, " replied Eumolpus, "which will embarrassour fortune-hunting friends sorely, " and as he said this, he drew histablets from his wallet and read his last wishes aloud, as follows:)"All who are down for legacies under my will, my freedmen only excepted, shall come into what I bequeath them subject to this condition, that theydo cut my body into pieces and devour said pieces in sight of the crowd:{nor need they be inordinately shocked} for among some peoples, the lawordaining that the dead shall be devoured by their relatives is still inforce; nay, even the sick are often abused because they render their ownflesh worse! I admonish my friends, by these presents, lest they refusewhat I command, that they devour my carcass with as great relish as theydamned my soul!" (Eumolpus had just started reading the first clauseswhen several of his most intimate friends entered the room and catchingsight of the tablets in his hand in which was contained his last will andtestament, besought him earnestly to permit them to hear the contents. He consented immediately and read the entire instrument from first tolast. But when they had heard that extraordinary stipulation by whichthey were under the necessity of devouring his carcass, they were greatlycast down, but) his reputation for enormous wealth dulled the eyes andbrains of the wretches, (and they were such cringing sycophants that theydared not complain of the outrage in his hearing. One there was, nevertheless, named) Gorgias, who was willing to comply, (provided he didnot have too long to wait! To this, Eumolpus made answer:) "I have nofear that your stomach will turn, it will obey orders; if, for one hourof nausea you promise it a plethora of good things: just shut your eyesand pretend that it's not human guts you've bolted, but ten millionsesterces! And beside, we will find some condiment which will disguisethe taste! No flesh is palatable of itself, it must be seasoned by artand reconciled to the unwilling stomach. And, if you desire to fortifythe plan by precedents, the Saguntines ate human flesh when besieged byHannibal, and they had no legacy in prospect! In stress of famine, theinhabitants of Petelia did the same and gained nothing from the dietexcept that they were not hungry! When Numantia was taken by Scipio, mothers, with the half-eaten bodies of their babes in their bosoms, werefound! (Therefore, since it is only the thought of eating human fleshthat makes you squeamish, you must try to overcome your aversion, withall your heart, so that you may come into the immense legacies I have putyou down for!" So carelessly did Eumolpus reel off these extravagancesthat the fortune-hunters began to lose faith in the validity of hispromises and subjected our words and actions to a closer scrutinyimmediately; their suspicions grew with their experience and they cameto the conclusion that we were out and out grafters, and thereupon thosewho had been put to the greatest expense for our entertainment resolvedto seize us and take it out in just revenge; but Chrysis, who was privyto all their scheming, informed me of the designs which the Crotonianshad hatched; and when I heard this news, I was so terrified that I fledinstantly, with Giton, and left Eumolpus to his fate. I learned, a fewdays later, that the Crotonians, furious because the old fox had livedso long and so sumptuously at the public expense, had put him to deathin the Massilian manner. That you may comprehend what this means, knowthat) whenever the Massilians were ravaged by the plague, one of the poorwould offer himself to be fed for a whole year upon choice food at publiccharge; after which, decked out with olive branches and sacred vestments, he was led out through the entire city, loaded with imprecations so thathe might take to himself the evils from which the city suffered, and thenthrown headlong (from the cliff. )

THE END

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Death levels caste and sufferers unitesFace, rouged and covered with cosmeticsFor one hour of nausea you promise it a plethora of good thingsIn the arrogance of success, had put on the manner of the masterLive coals are more readily held in men's mouths than a secretPutting as good a face upon the matter as I couldRumor but grows in the telling and strives to embellishSomething in the way of hope at which to nibbleStained by the lifeblood of the God of WineTo follow all paths; but a road can discover by noneWhatever you talk of at home will fly forth in an instant

 NOTES

PROSTITUTION. 

There are two basic instincts in the character of the normal individual;the will to live, and the will to propagate the species. It is from theinterplay of these instincts that prostitution took origin, and it is forthis reason that this profession is the oldest in human experience, thefirst offspring, as it were, of savagery and of civilization. When Fateturns the leaves of the book of universal history, she enters, upon thepage devoted thereto, the record of the birth of each nation in itschronological order, and under this record appears the scarlet entry toconfront the future historian and arrest his unwilling attention; theonly entry which time and even oblivion can never efface. 

If, prior to the time of Augustus Caesar, the Romans had laws designed tocontrol the social evil, we have no knowledge of them, but there isnevertheless no lack of evidence to prove that it was only too well knownamong them long before that happy age (Livy i, 4; ii, 18); and thepeculiar story of the Bacchanalian cult which was brought to Rome byforeigners about the second century B. C. (Livy xxxix, 9-17), and thecomedies of Plautus and Terence, in which the pandar and the harlot arefamiliar characters. Cicero, Pro Coelio, chap. Xx, says: "If there isanyone who holds the opinion that young men should be interdicted fromintrigues with the women of the town, he is indeed austere! That, ethically, he is in the right, I cannot deny: but nevertheless, he is atloggerheads not only with the licence of the present age, but even withthe habits of our ancestors and what they permitted themselves. For whenwas this NOT done? When was it rebuked? When found fault with?" TheFloralia, first introduced about 238 B. C. , had a powerful influence ingiving impetus to the spread of prostitution. The account of the originof this festival, given by Lactantius, while no credence is to be placedin it, is very interesting. "When Flora, through the practice ofprostitution, had come into great wealth, she made the people her heir, and bequeathed a certain fund, the income of which was to be used tocelebrate her birthday by the exhibition of the games they call theFloralia" (Instit. Divin. Xx, 6). In chapter x of the same book, hedescribes the manner in which they were celebrated: "They were solemnizedwith every form of licentiousness. For in addition to the freedom ofspeech that pours forth every obscenity, the prostitutes, at theimportunities of the rabble, strip off their clothing and act as mimes infull view of the crowd, and this they continue until full satiety comesto the shameless lookers-on, holding their attention with their wrigglingbuttocks. " Cato, the censor, objected to the latter part of thisspectacle, but, with all his influence, he was never able to abolish it;the best he could do was to have the spectacle put off until he had leftthe theatre. Within 40 years after the introduction of this festival, P. Scipio Africanus, in his speech in defense of Tib. Asellus, said: "Ifyou elect to defend your profligacy, well and good. But as a matter offact, you have lavished, on one harlot, more money than the total value, as declared by you to the Census Commissioners, of all the plenishing ofyour Sabine farm; if you deny my assertion I ask who dare wager 1, 000sesterces on its untruth? You have squandered more than a third of theproperty you inherited from your father and dissipated it in debauchery"(Aulus Gellius, Noctes Atticae, vii, 11). It was about this time thatthe Oppian law came up for repeal. The stipulations of this law were asfollows: No woman should have in her dress above half an ounce of gold, nor wear a garment of different colors, nor ride in a carriage in thecity or in any town, or within a mile of it, unless upon occasion of apublic sacrifice. This sumptuary law was passed during the publicdistress consequent upon Hannibal's invasion of Italy. It was repealedeighteen years afterward, upon petition of the Roman ladies, thoughstrenuously opposed by Cato (Livy 34, 1; Tacitus, Annales, 3, 33). Theincrease of wealth among the Romans, the spoils wrung from their victimsas a portion of the price of defeat, the contact of the legions with thesofter, more civilized, more sensuous races of Greece and Asia Minor, laid the foundations upon which the social evil was to rise above thecity of the seven hills, and finally crush her. In the character of theRoman there was but little of tenderness. The well-being of the statecaused him his keenest anxiety. One of the laws of the twelve tables, the "Coelebes Prohibito, " compelled the citizen of manly vigor to satisfythe promptings of nature in the arms of a lawful wife, and the tax onbachelors is as ancient as the times of Furius Camillus. "There was anancient law among the Romans, " says Dion Cassius, lib. Xliii, "whichforbade bachelors, after the age of twenty-five, to enjoy equal politicalrights with married men. The old Romans had passed this law in hopethat, in this way, the city of Rome, and the Provinces of the RomanEmpire as well, might be insured an abundant population. " The increase, under the Emperors, of the number of laws dealing with sex is an accuratemirror of conditions as they altered and grew worse. The "Jus TriumLibrorum, " under the empire, a privilege enjoyed by those who had threelegitimate children, consisting, as it did, of permission to filla public office before the twenty-fifth year of one's age, and infreedom from personal burdens, must have had its origin in the graveapprehensions for the future, felt by those in power. The fact that thisright was sometimes conferred upon those who were not legally entitledto benefit by it, makes no difference in this inference. Scions ofpatrician families imbibed their lessons from the skilled voluptuariesof Greece and the Levant and in their intrigues with the wantons of thoseclimes, they learned to lavish wealth as a fine art. Upon their returnto Rome they were but ill-pleased with the standard of entertainmentoffered by the ruder and less sophisticated native talent; they importedGreek and Syrian mistresses. 'Wealth increased, its message sped inevery direction, and the corruption of the world was drawn into Italy asby a load-stone. The Roman matron had learned how to be a mother, thelesson of love was an unopened book; and, when the foreign hetairaipoured into the city, and the struggle for supremacy began, she soonbecame aware of the disadvantage under which she contended. Her naturalhaughtiness had caused her to lose valuable time; pride, and finallydesperation drove her to attempt to outdo her foreign rivals; her nativemodesty became a thing of the past, her Roman initiative, unadorned bysophistication, was often but too successful in outdoing the Greek andSyrian wantons, but without the appearance of refinement which theyalways contrived to give to every caress of passion or avarice. Theywooed fortune with an abandon that soon made them the objects of contemptin the eyes of their lords and masters. "She is chaste whom no man hassolicited, " said Ovid (Amor. I, 8, line 43). Martial, writing aboutninety years later says: "Sophronius Rufus, long have I been searchingthe city through to find if there is ever a maid to say 'No'; there isnot one. " (Ep. Iv, 71. ) In point of time, a century separates Ovid andMartial; from a moral standpoint, they are as far apart as the poles. The revenge, then, taken by Asia, gives a startling insight into the realmeaning of Kipling's poem, "The female of the species is more deadly thanthe male. " In Livy (xxxiv, 4) we read: (Cato is speaking), "All thesechanges, as day by day the fortune of the state is higher and moreprosperous and her empire grows greater, and our conquests extend overGreece and Asia, lands replete with every allurement of the senses, andwe appropriate treasures that may well be called royal, --all this I dreadthe more from my fear that such high fortune may rather master us, thanwe master it. " Within twelve years of the time when this speech wasdelivered, we read in the same author (xxxix, 6), "for the beginnings offoreign luxury were brought into the city by the Asiatic army"; andJuvenal (Sat. Iii, 6), "Quirites, I cannot bear to see Rome a Greek city, yet how small a fraction of the whole corruption is found in these dregsof Achaea? Long since has the Syrian Orontes flowed into the Tiber andbrought along with it the Syrian tongue and manners and cross-stringedharp and harper and exotic timbrels and girls bidden stand for hire atthe circus. " Still, from the facts which have come down to us, we cannotarrive at any definite date at which houses of ill fame and women of thetown came into vogue at Rome. That they had long been under policeregulation, and compelled to register with the aedile, is evident from apassage in Tacitus: "for Visitilia, born of a family of praetorian rank, had publicly notified before the aediles, a permit for fornication, according to the usage that prevailed among our fathers, who supposedthat sufficient punishment for unchaste women resided in the very natureof their calling. " No penalty attached to illicit intercourse or toprostitution in general, and the reason appears in the passage fromTacitus, quoted above. In the case of married women, however, whocontravened the marriage vow there were several penalties. Among them, one was of exceptional severity, and was not repealed until the time ofTheodosius: "again he repealed another regulation of the followingnature; if any should have been detected in adultery, by this plan shewas not in any way reformed, but rather utterly given over to an increaseof her ill behaviour. They used to shut the woman up in a narrow room, admitting any that would commit fornication with her, and, at the momentwhen they were accomplishing their foul deed, to strike bells, that thesound might make known to all, the injury she was suffering. The Emperorhearing this, would suffer it no longer, but ordered the very rooms to bepulled down" (Paulus Diaconus, Hist. Miscel. Xiii, 2). Rent from abrothel was a legitimate source of income (Ulpian, Law as to FemaleSlaves Making Claim to Heirship). Procuration also, had to be notifiedbefore the aedile, whose special business it was to see that no Romanmatron became a prostitute. These aediles had authority to search everyplace which had reason to fear anything, but they themselves dared notengage in any immorality there; Aulus Gellius, Noct. Attic. Iv, 14, where an action at law is cited, in which the aedile Hostilius hadattempted to force his way into the apartments of Mamilia, a courtesan, who thereupon, had driven him away with stones. The result of the trialis as follows: "the tribunes gave as their decision that the aedile hadbeen lawfully driven from that place, as being one that he ought not tohave visited with his officer. " If we compare this passage with Livy, xl, 35, we find that this took place in the year 180 B C. Caligulainaugurated a tax upon prostitutes (vectigal ex capturis), as a stateimpost: "he levied new and hitherto unheard of taxes; a proportion of thefees of prostitutes;--so much as each earned with one man. A clause wasalso added to the law directing that women who had practiced harlotry andmen who had practiced procuration should be rated publicly; andfurthermore, that marriages should be liable to the rate" (Suetonius, Calig. Xi). Alexander Severus retained this law, but directed that suchrevenue be used for the upkeep of the public buildings, that it might notcontaminate the state treasure (Lamprid. Alex. Severus, chap. 24). Thisinfamous tax was not abolished until the time of Theodosius, but the realcredit is due to a wealthy patrician, Florentius by name, who stronglycensured this practice, to the Emperor, and offered his own property tomake good the deficit which would appear upon its abrogation (Gibbon, vol. 2, p. 318, note). With the regulations and arrangements of thebrothels, however, we have information which is far more accurate. Thesehouses (lupanaria, fornices, et cet. ) were situated, for the most part, in the Second District of the City (Adler, Description of the City ofRome, pp. 144 et seq. ), the Coelimontana, particularly in the Suburrathat bordered the town walls, lying in the Carinae, --the valley betweenthe Coelian and Esquiline Hills. The Great Market (Macellum Magnum) wasin this district, and many cook-shops, stalls, barber shops, et cet. Aswell; the office of the public executioner, the barracks for foreignsoldiers quartered at Rome; this district was one of the busiest and mostdensely populated in the entire city. Such conditions would naturally beideal for the owner of a house of ill fame, or for a pandar. The regularbrothels are described as having been exceedingly dirty, smelling of thegas generated by the flame of the smoking lamp, and of the other odorswhich always haunted these ill ventilated dens. Horace, Sat. I, 2, 30, "on the other hand, another will have none at all except she be standingin the evil smelling cell (of the brothel)"; Petronius, chap. Xxii, "wornout by all his troubles, Ascyltos commenced to nod, and the maid, whom hehad slighted, and, of course, insulted, smeared lamp-black all over hisface"; Priapeia, xiii, 9, "whoever likes may enter here, smeared with theblack soot of the brothel"; Seneca, Cont. I, 2, "you reek still of thesoot of the brothel. " The more pretentious establishments of the Peaceward, however, were sumptuously fitted up. Hair dressers were inattendance to repair the ravages wrought in the toilette, by frequentamorous conflicts, and aquarioli, or water boys attended at the door withbidets for ablution. Pimps sought custom for these houses and there wasa good understanding between the parasites and the prostitutes. From thevery nature of their calling, they were the friends and companions ofcourtesans. Such characters could not but be mutually necessary to eachother. The harlot solicited the acquaintance of the client or parasite, that she might the more easily obtain and carry on intrigues with therich and dissipated. The parasite was assiduous in his attention to thecourtesan, as procuring through her means, more easy access to hispatrons, and was probably rewarded by them both, for the gratificationwhich he obtained for the vices of the one and the avarice of the other. The licensed houses seem to have been of two kinds: those owned andmanaged by a pandar, and those in which the latter was merely an agent, renting rooms and doing everything in his power to supply his renterswith custom. The former were probably the more respectable. In thesepretentious houses, the owner kept a secretary, villicus puellarum, orsuperintendent of maids; this official assigned a girl her name, fixedthe price to be demanded for her favors, received the money and providedclothing and other necessities: "you stood with the harlots, you stooddecked out to please the public, wearing the costume the pimp hadfurnished you"; Seneca, Controv. I, 2. Not until this traffic had becomeprofitable, did procurers and procuresses (for women also carried on thistrade) actually keep girls whom they bought as slaves: "naked she stoodon the shore, at the pleasure of the purchaser; every part of her bodywas examined and felt. Would you hear the result of the sale? Thepirate sold; the pandar bought, that he might employ her as aprostitute"; Seneca, Controv. Lib. I, 2. It was also the duty of thevillicus, or cashier, to keep an account of what each girl earned: "giveme the brothel-keeper's accounts, the fee will suit" (Ibid. )

When an applicant registered with the aedile, she gave her correct name, her age, place of birth, and the pseudonym under which she intendedpracticing her calling. (Plautus, Poen. )

If the girl was young and apparently respectable, the official sought toinfluence her to change her mind; failing in this, he issued her alicense (licentia stupri), ascertained the price she intended exactingfor her favors, and entered her name in his roll. Once entered there, the name could never be removed, but must remain for all time aninsurmountable bar to repentance and respectability. Failure to registerwas severely punished upon conviction, and this applied not only to thegirl but to the pandar as well. The penalty was scourging, andfrequently fine and exile. Notwithstanding this, however, the numberof clandestine prostitutes at Rome was probably equal to that of theregistered harlots. As the relations of these unregistered women were, for the most part, with politicians and prominent citizens it was verydifficult to deal with them effectively: they were protected by theircustomers, and they set a price upon their favors which was commensuratewith the jeopardy in which they always stood. The cells opened upon acourt or portico in the pretentious establishments, and this court wasused as a sort of reception room where the visitors waited with coveredhead, until the artist whose ministrations were particularly desired, as she would of course be familiar with their preferences in matters ofentertainment, was free to receive them. The houses were easily found bythe stranger, as an appropriate emblem appeared over the door. Thisemblem of Priapus was generally a carved figure, in wood or stone, andwas frequently painted to resemble nature more closely. The size rangedfrom a few inches in length to about two feet. Numbers of thesebeginnings in advertising have been recovered from Pompeii andHerculaneum, and in one case an entire establishment, even to theinstruments used in gratifying unnatural lusts, was recovered intact. In praise of our modern standards of morality, it should be said that itrequired some study and thought to penetrate the secret of the proper useof several of these instruments. The collection is still to be seen inthe Secret Museum at Naples. The mural decoration was also in properkeeping with the object for which the house was maintained, and a fewexamples of this decoration have been preserved to modern times; theirluster and infamous appeal undimmed by the passage of centuries. 

Over the door of each cell was a tablet (titulus) upon which was the nameof the occupant and her price; the reverse bore the word "occupata" andwhen the inmate was engaged the tablet was turned so that this word wasout. This custom is still observed in Spain and Italy. Plautus, Asin. Iv, i, 9, speaks of a less pretentious house when he says: "let her writeon the door that she is 'occupata. '" The cell usually contained a lampof bronze or, in the lower dens, of clay, a pallet or cot of some sort, over which was spread a blanket or patch-work quilt, this latter beingsometimes employed as a curtain, Petronius, chap 7. 

The arches under the circus were a favorite location for prostitutes;ladies of easy virtue were ardent frequenters of the games of the circusand were always ready at hand to satisfy the inclinations which thespectacles aroused. These arcade dens were called "fornices, " from whichcomes our generic fornication. The taverns, inns, lodging houses, cookshops, bakeries, spelt-mills and like institutions all played a prominentpart in the underworld of Rome. Let us take them in order:

Lupanaria--Wolf Dens, from lupa, a wolf. The derivation, according toLactantius, is as follows: "for she (Lupa, i. E. , Acca Laurentia) was thewife of Faustulus, and because of the easy rate at which her person washeld at the disposal of all, was called, among the shepherds, 'Lupa, 'that is, harlot, whence also 'lupanar, ' a brothel, is so called. " It maybe added, however, that there is some diversity of opinion upon thismatter. It will be discussed more fully under the word "lupa. "

Fornix--An arch. The arcades under the theatres. 

Pergulae--Balconies, where harlots were shown. 

Stabulae--Inns, but frequently houses of prostitution. 

Diversorium--A lodging house; house of assignation. 

Tugurium--A hut. A very low den. 

Turturilla--A dove cote; frequently in male part. 

Casuaria--Road houses; almost invariably brothels. 

Tabernae--Bakery shops. 

The taverns were generally regarded by the magistrates as brothels andthe waitresses were so regarded by the law (Codex Theodos. Lx, tit. 7, ed. Ritter; Ulpian liiii, 23, De Ritu Nupt. ). The Barmaid (Copa), attributed to Virgil, proves that even the proprietress had two stringsto her bow, and Horace, Sat. Lib. I, v, 82, in describing his excursionto Brundisium, narrates his experience, or lack of it, with a waitress inan inn. This passage, it should be remarked, is the only one in all hisworks in which he is absolutely sincere in what he says of women. "Herelike a triple fool I waited till midnight for a lying jade till sleepovercame me, intent on venery; in that filthy vision the dreams spot mynight clothes and my belly, as I lie upon my back. " In the AEsermaninscription (Mommsen, Inscr. Regn. Neap. 5078, which is number 7306 inOrelli-Henzen) we have another example of the hospitality of these inns, and a dialogue between the hostess and a transient. The bill for theservices of a girl amounted to 8 asses. This inscription is of greatinterest to the antiquary, and to the archoeologist. That bakers werenot slow in organizing the grist mills is shown by a passage from PaulusDiaconus, xiii, 2: "as time went on, the owners of these turned thepublic corn mills into pernicious frauds. For, as the mill stones werefixed in places under ground, they set up booths on either side of thesechambers and caused harlots to stand for hire in them, so that by thesemeans they deceived very many, --some that came for bread, others thathastened thither for the base gratification of their wantonness. " From apassage in Festus, it would seem that this was first put into practice inCampania:--"harlots were called 'aelicariae', 'spelt-mill girls, inCampania, being accustomed to ply for gain before the mills of thespelt-millers. " "Common strumpets, bakers' mistresses, refuse thespelt-mill girls, " says Plautus, i, ii, 54. 

There are few languages which are richer in pornographic terminologythan the Latin. 

Meretrix--Nomus Marcellus has pointed out the difference between thisclass of prostitutes and the prostibula. "This is the difference betweena meretrix (harlot) and a prostibula (common strumpet): a meretrix is ofa more honorable station and calling; for meretrices are so named amerendo (from earning wages) because they plied their calling only bynight; prostibulu because they stand before the stabulum (stall) for gainboth by day and night. "

Prostibula--She who stands in front of her cell or stall. 

Proseda--She who sits in front of her cell or stall. She who laterbecame the Empress Theodora belonged to this class, if any credit is tobe given to Procopius. 

Nonariae--She that is forbidden to appear before the ninth hour. 

Mimae--Mime players. They were almost invariably prostitutes. 

Cymbalistriae--Cymbal players. They were almost invariably prostitutes. 

Ambubiae--Singing girls. They were almost invariably prostitutes. 

Citharistriae--Harpists. They were almost invariably prostitutes. 

Scortum--A strumpet. Secrecy is implied, but the word has a broad usage. 

Scorta erratica | Clandestine strumpets who were street walkers. Secuteleia |

Busturiae--Tomb frequenters and hangers-on at funerals. 

Copae--Bar maids. 

Delicatae--Kept mistresses. 

Famosae--Soiled doves from respectable families. 

Doris--Harlots of great beauty. They wore no clothing. 

Lupae--She wolves. Some authorities affirm that this name was given thembecause of a peculiar wolflike cry they uttered, and others assert thatthe generic was bestowed upon then because their rapacity rivalled thatof the wolf. Servius, however, in his commentary on Virgil, has assigneda much more improper and filthy reason for the name; he alludes to themanner in which the wolf who mothered Rotnulus and Reinus licked theirbodies with her tongue, and this hint is sufficient to confirm him in hisbelief that the lupa; were not less skilled in lingual gymnastics. SeeLemaire's Virgil, vol. Vi, p. 521; commentary of Servius on AEneid, lib. Viii, 631. 

AElicariae--Bakers' girls. 

Noctiluae--Night walkers. 

Blitidae--A very low class deriving their name from a cheap drink sold inthe dens they frequented. 

Forariae--Country girls who frequented the roads. 

Gallinae--Thieving prostitutes, because after the manner of hens, prostitutes take anything and scatter everything. 

Diobolares--Two obol girls. So called from their price. 

Amasiae, also in the diminutive--Girls devoted to Venus. Their bestexpression in modern society would be the "vamps. "

Amatrix--Female lover, frequently in male part. 

Amica--Female friend, frequently a tribad. 

Quadrantariae--The lowest class of all. Their natural charms were nolonger merchantable. She of whom Catullus speaks in connection with thelofty souled descendants of Remus was of this stripe. 

From many passages in the ancient authors it is evident that harlotsstood naked at the doors of their cells: "I saw some men prowlingstealthily between the rows of name-boards and naked prostitutes, "Petronius, chap. 7. "She entered the brothel, cozy with itscrazy-quilt, and the empty cell--her own. Then, naked she stands, withgilded nipples, beneath the tablet of the pretended Lysisca, " Juvenal, Sat. Vi, 121 et seq. In some cases they had recourse to a gossamertissue of silk gauze, as was formerly the custom in Paris, Chicago, andSan Francisco. "The matron has no softer thigh nor has she a morebeautiful leg, " says Horace, Sat. I, ii, "though the setting be one ofpearls and emeralds (with all due respect to thy opinion, Cerinthus), the togaed plebeian's is often the finer, and, in addition, the beautiesof figure are not camouflaged; that which is for sale, if honest, isshown openly, whereas deformity seeks concealment. It is the customamong kings that, when buying horses, they inspect them in the open, lest, as is often the case, a beautiful head is sustained by a tenderhoof and the eager purchaser may be seduced by shapely hocks, a shorthead, or an arching neck. Are these experts right in this? Thou canstappraise a figure with the eyes of Lynceus and discover its beauties;though blinder than Hypoesea herself thou canst see what deformitiesthere are. Ah, what a leg! What arms! But how thin her buttocks are, in very truth what a huge nose she has, she's short-waisted, too, andher feet are out of proportion! Of the matron, except for the face, nothing is open to your scrutiny unless she is a Catia who has dispensedwith her clothing so that she may be felt all over thoroughly, the restwill be hidden. But as for the other, no difficulty there! Through theCoan silk it is as easy for you to see as if she were naked, whether shehas an unshapely leg, whether her foot is ugly; her waist you canexamine with your eyes. As for the price exacted, it ranged from aquadrans to a very high figure. In the inscription to which referencehas already been made, the price was eight asses. An episode related inthe life of Apollonius of Tyre furnishes additional information uponthis subject. The lecher who deflowered a harlot was compelled to pay amuch higher price for alleged undamaged goods than was asked ofsubsequent purchasers. 

"Master, " cries the girl, throwing herself at his feet, "pity mymaidenhood, do not prostitute this body under so ugly a name. " Thesuperintendent of maids replies, "Let the maid here present be dressed upwith every care, let a name-ticket be written for her, and the fellow whodeflowers Tarsia shall pay half a libra; afterwards she shall be at theservice of the public for one solidus per head. "

The passage in Petronius (chap. Viii) and that in Juvenal (Sat. Vi, 125)are not to be taken literally. "Aes" in the latter should be understoodto mean what we would call "the coin, " and not necessarily coin of lowdenomination. 

PAEDERASTIA. 

The origin of this vice (all peoples, savage and civilized, have beeninfected with it) is lost in the mists which shroud antiquity. The OldTestament contains many allusions to it, and Sodom was destroyed becausea long-suffering deity could not find ten men in the entire city who werenot addicted to its practice. So saturated was this city of the ancientworld with the vice that the very name of the city or the adjectivedenoting citizenship in that city have transmitted the stigma to moderntimes. That the fathers of Israel were quick to perceive the tortuousramifications of this vice is proved by a passage in Deuteronomy, chap. 22, verse . 5: "the woman shall not wear that which pertaineth to a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so areabominations unto the Lord thy God. " Here we have the first regulationagainst fetishism and the perverted tendencies of gynandry and androgeny. Inasmuch as our concern with this subject has to do with the Roman worldalone, a lengthy discussion of the early, manifestations of this vicewould be out of place here; nevertheless, a brief sketch should be givento serve as a foundation to such discussion and to aid sociologists whowill find themselves more and more concerned with the problem in view ofthe conditions in European society, induced by the late war. Theirproblem will, however, be more intimately concerned with homosexualityas it is manifested among women!

From remotest antiquity down to the present time, oriental nations havebeen addicted to this practice and it is probably from this source thatthe plague spread among the Greeks. I do not assert that they wereignorant of this form of indulgence prior to their association with thePersians, for Nature teaches the sage as well as the savage. Meier, theauthor of the article "Paederastia" in Ersch and Grueber's encyclopedia(1837) is of the opinion that the vice had its origin among theBoeotians, and John Addington Symonds in his essay on Greek Love concursin this view. As the two scholars worked upon the same material fromdifferent angles, and as the English writer was unacquainted with theGerman savant's monograph until after Burton had written his TerminalEssay, it follows that the conclusions arrived at by these two scholarsmust be worthy of credence. The Greeks contemporary with the Homericpoems were familiar with paederasty, and there is reason to believe thatit had been known for ages, even then. Greek Literature, from Homer tothe Anthology teems with references to the vice and so common was itamong them that from that fact it derived its generic; "Greek Love. " Somalignant is tradition that the Greeks of the present time still sufferfrom the stigma, as is well illustrated by the proverb current amongsailors: "Englisha man he catcha da boy, Johnnie da Greek he catcha dablame. " The Romans are supposed to have received their firstintroduction to paederasty and homosexuality generally, from theEtruscans or from the Greek colonists in Italy, but Suidas (Tharnyris)charges the inhabitants of Italy; with the invention of this vice and itwould appear from Athenaeus (Deiphnos. Lib. Xiii) that the native peoplesof Italy and the Greek colonists as well were addicted to the mostrevolting practices with boys. The case of Laetorius (Valerius Maximusvi, 1, 11) proves that as early as 320 B. C. , the Romans were nostrangers to it and also that it was not common among them, at that time. 

As the character of the primitive Roman was essentially different fromthat of the contemporary Greek, and as his struggle for existence wassevere in the extreme, there was little moral obliquity during the firsttwo hundred and fifty years. The "coelibes prohibeto" of the TwelveTables was also a powerful influence in preserving chastity. By the timeof Plautus, however, the practice of paederasty was much more general, asis clearly proved by the many references which are found in his comedies(Cist. Iv, sc. 1, line 5) and passim. By the year 169 B. C. , the vicehad so ravaged the populace that the Lex Scantinia was passed to controlit, but legislation has never proved a success in repressing vice and theeffectiveness of this law was no exception to the rule. Conditions grewsteadily worse with the passage of time and the extension of the Romanpower served to inoculate the legionaries with the vices of theirvictims. The destruction of Corinth may well have avenged itself inthis manner. The accumulation of wealth and spoils gave the people moreleisure, increased their means of enjoyment, and educated their taste inluxuries. The influx of slaves and voluptuaries from the Levant aided inthe dissemination of the vices of the orient among the ruder Romans. Asthe first taste of blood arouses the tiger, so did the limitless power ofthe Republic and Empire react to the insinuating precepts of older andmore corrupt civilizations. The fragments of Lucilius make mention ofthe "cinaedi, " in the sense that they were dancers, and in the earlierages, they were. Cicero, in the second Philippic calls Antonius acatamite; but in Republican Rome, it is to Catullus that we must turn tofind the most decisive evidence of their almost universal inclination tosodomy. The first notice of this passage in its proper significance isfound in the Burmann Petronius (ed. 1709): here, in a note on the correctreading of "intertitulos, nudasque meretrices furtim conspatiantes, " theancient reading would seem to have been "internuculos nudasque meretricesfurtim conspatiantes" (and I am not at all certain but that it is to bepreferred). Burmann cites the passage from Catullus (Epithalamium ofManlius and Julia); Burmann sees the force of the passage but does notgrasp its deeper meaning. Marchena seems to have been the first scholarto read between the lines. See his third note. 

A few years later, John Colin Dunlop, the author of a History of RomanLiterature which ought to be better known among the teaching fraternity, drew attention to the same passage. So striking is his comment that Iwill transcribe it in full. "It, " the poem, "has also been highlyapplauded by the commentators; and more than one critic has declared thatit must have been written by the hands of Venus and the Graces. I wish, however, they had excepted from their unqualified panegyrics the coarseimitation of the Fescennine poems, which leaves in our minds a strongerimpression of the prevalence and extent of Roman vices, than any otherpassage in the Latin classics. Martial, and Catullus himself, elsewhere, have branded their enemies; and Juvenal in bursts of satiric indignation, has reproached his countrymen with the most shocking crimes. But here, in a complimentary poem to a patron and intimate friend, these arejocularly alluded to as the venial indulgences of his earliest youth"(vol. I, p. 453, second edition). 

This passage clearly points to the fact that it was the common customamong the young Roman patricians to have a bed-fellow of the same sex. Cicero, in speaking of the acquittal of Clodius (Letters to Atticus, lib. I, 18), says, "having bought up and debauched the tribunal"; charges thatthe judges were promised the favors of the young gentlemen and ladies ofRome, in exchange for their services in the matter of Clodius' trial. Manutius, in a note on this passage says, "bought up, because the judgestook their pay and held Clodius innocent and absolved him: debauched, because certain women and youths of noble birth were introduced by nightto not a few of them (there were 56 judges) as additional compensationfor their attention to duty" (Variorum Notes to Cicero, vol. Ii, pp. 339-340). In the Priapeia, the wayfarer is warned by Priapus torefrain from stealing fruit under penalty of being assaulted from therear, and the God adds that, should this punishment hold no terrors, there is still the possibility that his mentule may be used as a club bythe irate landowner. Again, in Catullus, 100, the Roman paederastyshows itself "Caelius loves Aufilenus and Quintus loves Aufilena--madly. " As we approach the Christian era the picture darkens. Gibbon (vol. I, p. 313) remarks, in a note, that "of the first fifteenemperors, Claudius was the only one whose taste in love was entirelycorrect, " but Claudius was a moron. 

We come now to the bathing establishments. Their history in everycountry is the same, in one respect: the spreading and fostering ofprostitution and paederastia. Cicero (Pro Coelio) accuses Clodia ofhaving deliberately chosen the site of her gardens with the purpose ofhaving a look at the young fellows who came to the Tiber to swim. Catullus (xxxiii) speaks of the cimaedi who haunt the bathingestablishments: Suetonius (Tib. 43 and 44) records the desperateexpedients to which Tiberius had recourse to regain his exhaustedvirility: the scene in Petronius (chap. 92). Martial (lib. I, 24)

"You invite no man but your bathing companion, Cotta, only the bathssupply you with a guest. I used to wonder why you never invited me, nowI know that you did not like the look of me naked. " Juvenal (ix, 32 etseq. ), "Destiny rules over mankind; the parts concealed by the front ofthe tunic are controlled by the Fates; when Virro sees you naked and inburning and frequent letters presses his ardent suit, with lips foamingwith desire; nothing will serve you so well as the unknown measure of along member. " Lampridius (Heliogab. V), "At Rome, his principal concernwas to have emissaries everywhere, charged with seeking out men with hugemembers; that they might bring them to him so that he could enjoy theirimpressive proportions. " The quotations given above furnish a sufficientcommentary upon the bathing establishments and the reasons for lightingthem. In happier times, they were badly lighted as the apertures werenarrow and could admit but little light. Seneca (Epist. 86) describesthe bath of Scipio: "In this bath of Scipio there were tiny chinks, rather than windows, cut through the stone wall so as to admit lightwithout detriment to the shelter afforded; but men nowadays call them'baths-for-night-moths. '" Under the empire, however, the bathingestablishments were open to the eye of the passer-by; lighted, as theywere by immense windows. Seneca (Epist. 86), "But nowadays, any whichare disposed in such a way as to let the sunlight enter all day long, through immense windows; men call baths-for-night-moths; if they are notsunburned as they wash, if they cannot look out on the fields and seafrom the pavement. Sweet clean baths have been introduced, but thepopulace is only the more foul. " In former times, youth and age were notpermitted to bathe together (Valer. Max. Ii, 7. ), women and men used thesame establishments, but at different hours; later, however, promiscuousbathing was the order of the day and men and women came more and more toobserve that precept, "noscetur e naso quanta sit hasta viro, " which Joanof Naples had always in mind. Long-nosed men were followed into thebaths and were the recipients of admiration wherever they were. Asluxury increased, these establishments were fitted up with cells andattendants of both sexes, skilled in massage, were always kept upon thepremises, in the double capacity of masseurs and prostitutes (Martial, iii, 82, 13); (Juvenal, vi, 428), "the artful masseur presses theclitoris with his fingers and makes the upper part of his mistress thighresound under his hands. " The aquarioli or water boys also includedpandering in their tour of duty (Juvenal, Sat. Vi, 331) "some watercarrier will come, hired for the purpose, " and many Roman ladies hadtheir own slaves accompany them to the baths to assist in the toilette:(Martial, vii, 3. 4) "a slave girt about the loins with a pouch of blackleather stands by you whenever you are washed all over with warn water, "here, the mistress is taking no chances, her rights are as carefullyguarded as though the slave were infibulated in place of having hisgenerous virility concealed within a leather pouch. (Claudianus, 18, 106) "he combed his mistress' hair, and often, when she bathed, naked, he would bring water, to his lady, in a silver ewer. " Several of theemperors attempted to correct these evils by executive order andlegislation, Hadrian (Spartianus, Life of Hadrian, chap. 18) "he assignedseparate baths for the two sexes"; Marcus Aurelius (Capitolinus, Life ofMarcus Antoninus, chap. 23) "he abolished the mixed baths and restrainedthe loose habits of the Roman ladies and the young nobles, " and AlexanderSeverus (Lampridius, Life of Alex. Severus, chap. 24. ) "he forbade theopening of mixed baths at Rome, a practice which, though previouslyprohibited, Heliogabalus had allowed to be observed, " but, notwithstanding their absolute authority, their efforts along those linesmet with little better success than have those of more recent times. Thepages of Martial and Juvenal reek with the festering sores of the societyof that period, but Charidemus and Hedylus still dishonor the cities ofthe modern world. Tatian, writing in the second century, says (Orat. AdGraecos): "paederastia is practiced by the barbarians generally, but isheld in pre-eminent esteem by the Romans, who endeavor to get togethertroupes of boys, as it were of brood mares, " and Justin Martyr (Apologia, 1), has this to say: "first, because we behold nearly all men seducing tofornication, not merely girls, but males also. And just as our fathersare spoken of as keeping herds of oxen, or goats, or sheep, or broodmares, so now they keep boys, solely for the purpose of shameful usage, treating them as females, or androgynes, and doing unspeakable acts. Tosuch a pitch of pollution has the multitude throughout the whole peoplecome!" Another sure indication of the prevalence of the vice of sodomyis to be found in Juvenal, Sat. Ii, 12-13, "but your fundament is smoothand the swollen haemorrhoids are incised, the surgeon grinning thewhile, " just as the physician of the nineties grinned when some youngfool came to him with a blennorrhoeal infection! The ancient jest whichaccounts for the shaving of the priest's crown is an inferentialsubstantiation of the fact that the evils of antiquity, like the legalcodes, have descended through the generations; survived the middle ages, and been transmitted to the modern world. A perusal of the Raggionamenteof Pietro Aretino will confirm this statement, in its first premise, andthe experiences of Sir Richard Burton in the India of Napier, and HarryFranck's, in Spain, in the present century, and those of any intelligentobserver in the Orient, today, will but bear out this hypothesis. Thenative population of Manila contains more than its proportion ofcatamites, who seek their sponsors in the Botanical Gardens and on theLuneta. The native quarters of the Chinese cities have their "houses"where boys are kept, just as the Egyptian mignons stood for hire in thelupanaria at Rome. A scene in Sylvia Scarlett could be duplicated in anylarge city of Europe or America; there is no necessity of appeal toKrafft-Ebbing or Havelock Ellis. But there is still another and surermethod of gauging the extent of paederastic perversion at Rome, and thatis the richness of the Latin vocabulary in terms and words bearing uponthis repulsive subject. There are, in the Latin language, no less thanone hundred and fifteen words and expressions in general usage. 

But it is in Martial that we are able to sense the abandoned andcynical attitude of the Roman public toward this vice: the epigram uponCantharus, xi, 46, is an excellent example. In commentating upon themeticulous care with which Cantharus avoided being spied upon byirreverent witnesses, the poet sarcastically remarks that suchprecautions would never enter the head of anyone were it merely aquestion of having a boy or a woman, and he mentions them in the orderin which they are set forth here. No one dreads the limelight like theutter debauchee, as has been remarked by Seneca. We find a parallel inthe old days in Shanghai, before the depredations of the Americanhetairai had aroused the hostility of the American judge, in 1907-8. Menof unquestioned respectability and austere asceticism were in the habitof making periodic trips to this pornographic Mecca for the reason thatthey could there be accommodated with the simultaneous ministrations oftwo or even three soiled doves of the stripe of her of whom Martial (ix, 69) makes caustic mention:

"I passed the whole night with a lascivious girl whose naughtiness nonecould surpass. Tired of a thousand methods of indulgence, I begged theboyish favor: she granted my prayers before they were finished, beforeeven the first words were out of my mouth. Smiling and blushing, Ibesought her for something worse still; she voluptuously promised it atonce. But to me, she was chaste. But, AEschylus, she will not be so toyou; take the boon if you want it, but she will attach a condition. " Inall that could pertain to accomplished skill in their profession, the"limit was the ceiling, " they were there to serve, and serve they did, as long as the recipient of their ministrations was willing to pay or aslong as his chits were good. With them, secrecy was the watchword. Tiberius, probably more sinned against than sinning (he has had an abledefender in Beasley) is charged, by Suetonius, with the invention of anamplification and refinement of this vice. The performers were called"spinthriae, " a word which signified "bracelet. " These copulators couldbe of both sexes though the true usage of the word allowed but one, andthat the male. They formed a chain, each link of which was an individualin sexual contact with one or two other links: in this diversion, thepreference seems to have been in favor of odd numbers (Martial, xii, 44, 5), where the chain consisted of five links, and Ausonius, Epigram 119, where it consisted of three. 

CHAPTER NOTES

CHAPTER 9. Gladiator obscene:--

The arena of his activities is, however, that of Venus and not Mars. Petronius is fond of figurative language, and in several other passages, he has made use of the slang of the arena: (chap. 61 ), "I used to fencewith my mistress herself, until even the master grew Suspicious"; andagain, in chapter 19, he says: "then, too, we were girded higher, and Ihad so arranged matters that if we came to close quarters, I myself wouldengage Quartilla, Ascyltos the maid, and Giton the girl. "

Dufour, in commentating upon this expression, Histoire de laProstitution, vol. III, pp. 92 and 93, remarks: It is necessary to see inPetronius the abominable role which the "obscene gladiator" played; butthe Latin itself is clear enough to describe all the secrets of the Romandebauch. "For some women, " says Petronius, in another passage, "willonly kindle for canaille and cannot work up an appetite unless they seesome slave or runner with his clothing girded up: a gladiator arousesone, or a mule driver, all covered with dust, or some actor posturing insome exhibition on the stage. My mistress belongs to this class, shejumps the fourteen rows from the stage to the gallery and looks for alover among the gallery gods at the back. "

On "cum fortiter faceres, " compare line 25 of the Oxford fragment of thesixth satire of Juvenal; "hic erit in lecto fortissimus, " which Housmanhas rendered "he is a valiant mattress-knight. "

CHAPTER 17. "In our neighborhood there are so many Gods that it iseasier to meet one of them than it is to find a man. "

Quartilla is here smarting under the sting of some former lover'simpotence. Her remark but gives color to the charge that, owing to theuniversal depravity of Rome and the smaller cities, men were so worn outby repeated vicious indulgences that it was no easy matter for a woman toobtain satisfaction at their hands. 

"Galla, thou hast already led to the nuptial couch six or sevencatamites; thou went seduced by their delicate coiffure and combedbeards. Thou hast tried the loins and the members, resembling soakedleather, which could not be made to stand by all the efforts of thewearied hand; the pathic husband and effeminate bed thou desertest, butstill thou fallest into similar couches. Seek out some one rough andunpolished as the Curii and Fabii, and savage in his uncouth rudeness;you will find one, but even this puritanical crew has its catamites. Galla, it is difficult to marry a real man. " Martial, vii, 57. 

"No faith is to be placed in appearances. What neighborhood does notreek with filthy practices'?" Juvenal, Sat. Ii, 8. 

"While you have a wife such as a lover hardly dare hope for in hiswildest prayers; rich, well born, chaste, you, Bassus, expend yourenergies on boys whom you have procured with your wife's dowry; and thusdoes that penis, purchased for so many thousands, return worn out to itsmistress, nor does it stand when she rouses it by soft accents of love, and delicate fingers. Have some sense of shame or let us go into court. This penis is not yours, Bassus, you have sold it. " Martial, xii, 99. 

"Polytimus is very lecherous on women, Hypnus is slow to admit he is myGanymede; Secundus has buttocks fed upon acorns. Didymus is a catamitebut pretends not to be. Amphion would have made a capital girl. Myfriend, I would rather have their blandishments, their naughty airs, their annoying impudence, than a wife with 3, 000, 000 sesterces. " Martialxii, 76. 

But the crowning piece of infamy is to be found in Martial's threeepigrams upon his wife. They speak as distinctly as does the famouspassage in Catullus' Epithalamium of Manilius and Julia, or Vibia, aslater editors have it. 

"Wife, away, or conform to my habits. I am no Curius, Numa, or Tatius. I like to have the hours of night prolonged in luscious cups. You drinkwater and are ever for hurrying from the table with a sombre mien; youlike the dark, I like a lamp to witness my pleasures, and to tire myloins in the light of dawn. Drawers and night gowns and long robes coveryou, but for me no girl can be too naked. For me be kisses like thecooing doves; your kisses are like those you give your grandmother inthe morning. You do not condescend to assist in the performance by yourmovements or your sighs or your hand; (you behave) as if you were takingthe sacrament. The Phrygian slaves masturbated themselves behind thecouch whenever Hector's wife rode St. George; and, however much Ulyssessnored, the chaste Penelope always had her hand there. You forbid mysodomising you. Cornelia granted this favor to Gracchus; Julia toPompey, Porcia to Brutus. Juno was Jupiter's Ganymede before the Dardanboy mixed the luscious cup. If you are so devoted to propriety--be aLucretia to your heart's content all day, I want a Lais at night. " xi, 105. 

"Since your husband's mode of life and his fidelity are known to you, andno woman usurps your rights, why are you so foolish as to be annoyed byhis boys, (as if they were his mistresses), with whom love is a transientand fleeting affair? I will prove to you that you gain more by the boysthan your lord: they make your husband keep to one woman. They give whata wife will not give. 'I grant that favor, ' you say, 'sooner than thatmy husband's love should wander from my bed. ' It is not the same thing. I want the fig of Chios, not a flavorless fig; and in you this Chian figis flavorless. A woman of sense and a wife ought to know her place. Letthe boys have what concerns them, and confine yourself to what concernsyou. " xii, 97. 

"Wife, you scold me with a harsh voice when I'm caught with a boy, andinform me that you too have a bottom. How often has Juno said the sameto the lustful Thunderer? And yet he sleeps with the tall Ganymede. TheTirynthian Hero put down his bow and sodomised Hylas. Do you think thatMegaera had no buttocks? Daphne inspired Phoebus with love as she fled, but that flame was quenched by the OEbalian boy. However much Briseislay with her bottom turned toward him, the son of AEacus found hisbeardless friend more congenial to his tastes. Forbear then, to givemasculine names to what you have, and, wife, think that you have twovaginas. " xi, 44

CHAPTER 26. "Quartilla applied a curious eye to a chink, purposely made, watching their childish dalliance with lascivious attention. "

Martial, xi, 46, makes mention of the fact that patrons of houses of illfame had reason to beware of needle holes in the walls, through whichtheir misbehaviour could be appreciatively scrutinized by outsiders; andin the passage of our author we find yet another instance of the samekind. One is naturally led to recall the "peep-houses" which were afeature of city life in the nineties. There was a notorious one inChicago, and another in San Francisco. A beautiful girl, exquisitelydressed, would entice the unwary stranger into her room: there the couplewould disrobe and the hero was compelled to have recourse to the "rightof capture, " before executing the purpose for which he entered the house. The entertainment usually cost him nothing beyond a moderate fee and acouple of bottles of beer, or wine, if he so desired. The "management"secured its profit from a different and more prurient source. The maleactor in this drama was sublimely ignorant of the fact that the wallswere plentifully supplied with "peep-holes" through which appreciativeonlookers witnessed his Corybantics at one dollar a head. There wouldsometimes be as many as twenty such witnesses at a single performance. 

CHAPTER 34. Silver Skeleton, et seq. 

Philosophic dogmas concerning the brevity and uncertainty of life wereancient even in the time of Herodotus. They have left their mark uponour language in the form of more than one proverb, but in none is thisso patent as "the skeleton at the feast. " In chapter lxxviii of Euterpe, we have an admirable citation. In speaking of the Egyptians, he says:"At their convivial banquets, among the wealthy classes, when they havefinished supper, a man carries round in a coffin the image of a dead bodycarved in wood, made as life-like as possible in color and workmanship, and in size generally about one or two cubits in length; and showing thisto each of the company, he says: 'Look upon this, then drink and enjoyyourself; for when dead you will be like this. ' This is the practicethey have at their drinking parties. " According to Plutarch, (Isis andOsiris, chapter 17. ) the Greeks adopted this Egyptian custom, and thereis, of course, little doubt that the Romans took it from the Greeks. The aim of this custom was, according to Scaliger, to bring the dinersto enjoy the sweets of life while they were able to feel enjoyment, andthus to abandon themselves to pleasure before death deprived them ofeverything. The verses which follow bring this out beautifully. In theCopa of Virgil we find the following:

"Wine there! Wine and dice! Tomorrow's fears shall fools alone benumb!By the ear Death pulls me. 'Live!' he whispers softly, 'Live! I come. '"

The practical philosophy of the indefatigable roues sums itself up inthis sentence uttered by Trimalchio. The verb "vivere" has taken ameaning very much broader and less special, than that which it had atthe time when it signified only the material fact of existence. Thevoluptuaries of old Rome were by no means convinced that life withoutlicense was life. The women of easy virtue, living within the circleof their friendships, after the fashion best suited to their desires, understood that verb only after their own interpretation, and thephilologists soon reconciled themselves to the change. In this sense itwas that Varro employed "vivere, " when he said: "Young women, make hasteto live, you whom adolescence permits to enjoy, to eat, to love, and tooccupy the chariot of Venus (Veneris tenere bigas). "

But a still better example of the extension in the meaning of this wordis to be found in an inscription on the tomb of a lady of pleasure. Thisinscription was composed by a voluptuary of the school of Petronius. 

 ALIAE. RESTITVTAE. ANIMAE. DVLCISSIMAE. BELLATOR. AVG. LIB. CONIVGI. CARISSIMAE. AMICI. DVM. VIVIMVS. VIVAMUS. 

In this inscription, it is almost impossible to translate the last threewords. "While we live, let us live, " is inadequate, to say the least. So far did this doctrine go that latterly it was deemed necessary to havea special goddess as a patron. That goddess, if we may rely upon theauthority of Festus, took her name "Vitula" from the word "Vita" or fromthe joyous life over which she was to preside. 

CHAPTER 36. "At the corners of the tray we also noted four figures ofMarsyas and from their bladders spouted a highly seasoned sauce upon fishwhich were swimming about as if in a tide-race. "

German scholars have adopted the doctrine that Marsyas belonged to thatmythological group which they designate as "Schlauch-silen" or, as wewould say in English, "Wineskin-bearing Silenuses. " Their hypothesisseems to be based upon the discovery of two beautiful bas-reliefs of theage of Vespasian, which were excavated near the Rostra Vetera in theForum. Sir Theodore Martin has a note on these bas-reliefs which I quotein extenso:

"In the Forum stood a statue of Marsyas, Apollo's ill-starred rival. Itprobably bore an expression of pain, which Horace humorously ascribes todislike of the looks of the Younger Novius, who is conjectured to havebeen of the profession and nature of Shylock. A naked figure carrying awineskin, which appears upon each of two fine bas-reliefs of the time ofVespasian found near the Rostra Vetera in the Forum during theexcavations conducted within the last few years by Signor Pietro Rosa, and which now stand in the Forum, is said, by archaeologists, torepresent Marsyas. Why they arrive at this conclusion, except asarguing, from the spot where these bas-reliefs were found, that they weremeant to perpetuate the remembrance of the old statue of Marsyas, iscertainly not very apparent from anything in the figure itself. "Martin's Horace, vol. 2, pp 145-6. 

Hence German philologists render "utriculis" by the German equivalent for"Wineskins. "

"The Romans, " says Weitzius, "had two sources of water-supply, throughunderground channels, and through channels supported by arches. Asadjuncts to these channels there were cisterns (or castella, as they werecalled). From these reservoirs the water was distributed to the publicthrough routes more or less circuitous and left the cisterns throughpipes, the diameter of which was reckoned in either twelfths orsixteenths of a Roman foot. At the exits of the pipes were placed stonesor stone figures, the water taking exit from these figures either by themouth, private parts or elsewhere, and falling either to the ground orinto some stone receptacle such as a basket. Various names were giventhese statuettes: Marsyae, Satyri, Atlantes, Hermae, Chirones, Silani, Tulii. "

No one who has been through the Secret Museum at Naples will find muchdifficulty in recalling a few of these heavily endowed examples to mind, and our author, in choosing Marsyae, adds a touch of sarcastic realism, for statues of Marysas were often set up in free cities, symbolical, asit were, of freedom. In such a setting as the present, they would be thevery acme of propriety. 

"The figures, " says Gonzala de Salas, "formerly placed at fountains, andfrom which water took exit either from the mouth or from some other part, took their forms from the several species of Satyrs. The learnedWouweren has commented long and learnedly upon this passage, and hisemendation 'veretriculis' caused me to laugh heartily. And as a matterof fact, I affirm that such a meaning is easily possible. " Professor E. P. Crowell, the first American scholar to edit Petronius, gravely statesin his preface that "the object of this edition is to provide forclass-room use an expurgated text, " and I note that he has tactfullyomitted the "wineskins" from his edition. 

In this connection the last sentence in the remarks of Wouweren, alludedto above, is strangely to the point. After stating his emendation of"veretriculis or veretellis" for "utriculis, " he says: "Unless someoneproves that images of Marsyas were fashioned in the likeness ofbag-pipers, " a fine instance of clarity of vision for so dark an age. 

CHAPTER 40. "Drawing his hunting-knife, he plunged it fiercely into theboar's side, and some thrushes flew out of the gash. "

In the winter of 1895 a dinner was given in a New York studio. Thisdinner, locally known as the "Girl in the Pie Dinner, " was based uponPetronius, Martial, and the thirteenth book of Athenaeus. In the summerof 1919, I had the questionable pleasure of interviewing the chef-catererwho got it up, and he was, at the time, engaged in trying to work outanother masterpiece to be given in California. The studio, one of themost luxurious in the world, was transformed for the occasion into averitable rose grotto, the statuary was Pompeian, and here and thereartistic posters were seen which were nothing if not reminiscent ofBoulevard Clichy and Montmartre in the palmiest days. Four negro banjoplayers and as many jubilee singers titillated the jaded senses of theguests in a manner achieved by the infamous saxophone syncopating jazz ofthe Barbary Coast of our times. The dinner was over. The four and onehalf bottles of champagne allotted to each Silenus had been consumed, anda well-defined atmosphere of bored satiety had begun to settle down whensuddenly the old-fashioned lullaby "Four and Twenty Blackbirds" brokeforth from the banjoists and singers. Four waiters came in bearing asurprisingly monstrous object, something that resembled an impossiblylarge pie. They, placed it carefully in the center of the table. Thenegro chorus swelled louder and louder--"Four and Twenty Blackbirds Bakedin a Pie. "

The diners, startled into curiosity and then into interest, began to poketheir noses against this gigantic creation of the baker. In it theydetected a movement not unlike a chick's feeble pecking against the shellof an egg. A quicker movement and the crust ruptured at the top. 

A flash of black gauze and delicate flesh showed within. A cloud offrightened yellow canaries flew out and perched on the picture frames andeven on the heads and shoulders of the guests. 

But the lodestone which drew and held the eyes of all the revellers wasan exquisitely slender, girlish figure amid the broken crust of the pie. The figure was draped with spangled black gauze, through which the girl'smarble white limbs gleamed like ivory seen through gauze of gossamertransparency. She rose from her crouching posture like a wood nymphstartled by a satyr, glanced from one side to the other, and steppedtimidly forth to the table. 

CHAPTER 56. Contumelia--Contus and Melon (malum). 

All translators have rendered "contus" by "pole, " notwithstanding thefact that the word is used in a very different sense in Priapeia, x, 3:"traiectus conto sic extendere pedali, " and contrary to the traditionwhich lay behind the gift of an apple or the acceptance of one. Thetruth of this may be established by many passages in the ancient writers. 

In the "Clouds" of Aristophanes, Just Discourse, in prescribing the rulesand proprieties which should in govern the education and conduct of thehealthy young man says:

"You shall rise up from your seat upon your elders' approach; you shallnever be pert to your parents or do any other unseemly act under thepretence of remodelling the image of Modesty. You will not rush off tothe dancing-girl's house, lest while you gaze upon her charms, some whoreshould pelt you with an apple and ruin your reputation. "

"This were gracious to me as in the story old to the maiden fleet of footwas the apple golden fashioned which unloosed her girdle long-time girt. "Catullus ii. 

"I send thee these verses recast from Battiades, lest thou shouldstcredit thy words by chance have slipped from my mind, given o'er to thewandering winds, as it was with that apple, sent as furtive love token bythe wooer, which out-leaped from the virgin's chaste bosom: for, placedby the hapless girl 'neath her soft vestment, and forgotten--when shestarts at her mother's approach, out 'tis shaken: and down it rollsheadlong to the ground, whilst a tell-tale flush mantles the cheek of thedistressed girl. " Catullus 1xv. 

"But I know what is going on, and I intend presently to tell my master;for I do not want to show myself less grateful than the dogs which barkin defence of those who feed and take care of them. An adulterer islaying siege to the household--a young man from Elis, one of the Olympianfascinators; he sends neatly folded notes every day to our master's wife, together with faded bouquets and half-eaten apples. " Alciphron, iii, 62. The words are put into the mouth of a rapacious parasite who feels thatthe security of his position in the house is about to be shaken. 

"I didn't mind your kissing Cymbalium half-a-dozen times, you onlydisgraced yourself; but--to be always winking at Pyrallis, never to drinkwithout lifting the cup to her, and then to whisper to the boy, when youhanded it to him, not to fill it for anyone but her--that was too much!And then--to bite a piece off an apple, and when you saw that Duphiluswas busy talking to Thraso, to lean forward and throw it right into herlap, without caring whether I saw it or not; and she kissed it and put itinto her bosom under her girdle! It was scandalous! Why do you treat melike this?" Lucian, Dial. Hetairae, 12. These words are spoken byanother apostle of direct speech; a jealous prostitute who is furiouslyangry with her lover, and in no mood to mince matters in the slightest. 

Aristxnetus, xxv, furnishes yet another excellent illustration. The prostitute Philanis, in writing to a friend of the same ancientprofession, accuses her sister of alienating her lover's affections. I avail myself of Sheridan's masterly version. 

 PHILANIS TO PETALA. 

 As yesterday I went to dine With Pamphilus, a swain of mine, I took my sister, little heeding The net I for myself was spreading Though many circumstances led To prove she'd mischief in her head. For first her dress in every part Was studied with the nicest art Deck'd out with necklaces and rings, And twenty other foolish things;

 And she had curl'd and bound her hair With more than ordinary care And then, to show her youth the more, A light, transparent robe she wore-- From head to heel she seemed t'admire In raptures all her fine attire: And often turn'd aside to view If others gazed with rapture too. At dinner, grown more bold and free, She parted Pamphilus and me; For veering round unheard, unseen, She slily drew her chair between. Then with alluring, am'rous smiles And nods and other wanton wiles, The unsuspecting youth insnared, And rivall'd me in his regard. -- Next she affectedly would sip The liquor that had touched his lip. He, whose whole thoughts to love incline, And heated with th' enliv'ning wine, With interest repaid her glances, And answer'd all her kind advances. Thus sip they from the goblet's brink Each other's kisses while they drink; Which with the sparkling wine combin'd, Quick passage to the heart did find. Then Pamphilus an apple broke, And at her bosom aim'd the stroke, While she the fragment kiss'd and press'd, And hid it wanton in her breast. But I, be sure, was in amaze, To see my sister's artful ways: "These are returns, " I said, "quite fit To me, who nursed you when a chit. For shame, lay by this envious art; Is this to act a sister's part?" But vain were words, entreaties vain, The crafty witch secured my swain. By heavens, my sister does me wrong; But oh! she shall not triumph long. Well Venus knows I'm not in fault 'Twas she who gave the first assault And since our peace her treach'ry broke, Let me return her stroke for stroke. She'll quickly feel, and to her cost, Not all their fire my eyes have lost And soon with grief shall she resign Six of her swains for one of mine. "

The myth of Cydippe and Acontius is still another example, as is thelegend of Atalanta and Hippomenes or Meilanion, to which Suetonius(Tiberius, chap. 44) has furnished such an unexpected climax. Theemperor Theodosius ordered the assassination of a gallant who had giventhe queen an apple. As beliefs of this type are an integral part of thecharacter of the lower orders, I am certain that the passage in Petroniusis not devoid of sarcasm; and if such is the case, "contus" cannot berendered "pole. " The etymology of the word contumely is doubtful but Iam of the opinion that the derivation suggested here is not unsound. Arecondite rendering of "contus" would surely give a sharper point to thejoke and furnish the riddle with the sting of an epigram. 

CHAPTER 116. "You will see a town that resembles the fields in time ofpestilence. "

In tracing this savage caricature, Petronius had in mind not Crotonaalone; he refers to conditions in the capital of the empire. Thedescriptions which other authors have set down are equally remarkable fortheir powerful coloring, and they leave us with an idea of Rome which ispositively astounding in its unbridled luxury. 'We will rest contentwith offering to our readers the following portrayal, quoted fromAmmianus Marcellinus, lib. Xiv, chap. 6, and lib. Xxviii, chap. 4. Willnot presume to attempt any translation after having read Gibbon's versionof the combination of these two chapters. 

"The greatness of Rome was founded on the rare and almost incrediblealliance of virtue and of fortune. The long period of her infancy wasemployed in a laborious struggle against the tribes of Italy, theneighbors and enemies of the rising city. In the strength and ardor ofyouth she sustained the storms of war, carried her victorious arms beyondthe seas and the mountains, and brought home triumphal laurels from everycountry of the globe. At length, verging towards old age, and sometimesconquering by the terror only of her name, she sought the blessings ofease and tranquillity. The venerable city, which had trampled on thenecks of the fiercest nations, and established a system of laws, theperpetual guardians of justice and freedom, was content, like a wise andwealthy parent, to devolve on the Caesars, her favorite sons, the care ofgoverning her ample patrimony. A secure and profound peace, such as hadbeen once enjoyed in the reign of Numa, succeeded to the tumults of arepublic; while Rome was still adored as the queen of the earth, and thesubject nations still reverenced the name of the people and the majestyof the senate. But this native splendor is degraded and sullied by theconduct of some nobles, who, unmindful of their own dignity, and of thatof their country, assume an unbounded license of vice and folly. Theycontend with each other in the empty vanity of titles and surnames, andcuriously select or invent the most lofty and sonorous appellations--Reburrus or Fabunius, Pagonius or Tarrasius--which may impress the earsof the vulgar with astonishment and respect. From a vain ambition ofperpetuating their memory, they affect to multiply their likeness instatues of bronze and marble; nor are they satisfied unless those statuesare covered with plates of gold, an honorable distinction, first grantedto Achilius the consul, after he had subdued by his arms and counsels thepower of King Antiochus. The ostentation of displaying, of magnifyingperhaps, the rent-roll of the estates which they possess in all theprovinces, from the rising to the setting sun, provokes the justresentment of every man who recollects that their poor and invincibleancestors were not distinguished from the meanest of the soldiers by thedelicacy of their food or the splendor of their apparel. But the modernnobles measure their rank and consequence according to the loftiness oftheir chariots and the weighty magnificence of their dress. Their longrobes of silk and purple float in the wind; and as they are agitated, byart or accident, they occasionally discover the under-garments, the richtunics, embroidered with the figures of various animals. Followed by atrain of fifty servants, and tearing up the pavement, they move along thestreets with the same impetuous speed as if they travelled withpost-horses, and the example of the senators is boldly imitated by thematrons and ladies, whose covered carriages are continually drivinground the immense space of the city and suburbs. Whenever these personsof high distinction condescend to visit the public baths, they assume, on their entrance, a tone of loud and insolent command, and appropriateto their own use the conveniences which were designed for the Romanpeople. If, in these places of mixed and general resort, they meet anyof the infamous ministers of their pleasures, they express theiraffection by a tender embrace, while they proudly decline thesalutations of their fellow-citizens, who are not permitted to aspireabove the honor of kissing their hands or their knees. As soon as theyhave indulged themselves in the refreshment of the bath, they resumetheir rings and the other ensigns of their dignity, select from theirprivate wardrobe of the finest linen, such as might suffice for a dozenpersons, the garments the most agreeable to their fancy, and maintaintill their departure the same haughty demeanor which perhaps might havebeen excused in the great Marcellus after the conquest of Syracuse. Sometimes, indeed, these heroes undertake more arduous achievements. They visit their estates in Italy, and procure themselves, by the toilof servile hands, the amusements of the chase. If at any time, but moreespecially on a hot day, they have courage to sail in their galleys fromthe Lucrine lake to their elegant villas on the seacoast of Puteoli andthe Caieta, they compare their own expeditions to the marches of Caesarand Alexander. Yet should a fly presume to settle on the silken folds oftheir gilded umbrellas, should a sunbeam penetrate through someunguarded and imperceptible chink, they deplore their intolerablehardships, and lament in affected language that they were not born inthe land of the Cimmerians, the regions of eternal darkness. In thesejourneys into the country the whole body of the household marches withtheir master. In the same order as the cavalry and infantry, the heavyand the light armed troops, the advanced guard and the rear, aremarshalled by the skill of their military leaders, so the domesticofficers, who bear a rod as an ensign of authority, distribute andarrange the numerous train of slaves and attendants. The baggage andwardrobe move in the front, and are immediately followed by a multitudeof cooks and inferior ministers employed in the service of the kitchensand of the table. The main body is composed of a promiscuous crowd ofslaves, increased by the accidental concourse of idle or dependentplebeians. The rear is closed by the favorite band of eunuchs, distributed from age to youth, according to the order of seniority. Their numbers and their deformity excite the horror of the indignantspectators, who are ready to execrate the memory of Semiramis for thecruel art which she invented of frustrating the purposes of nature, andof blasting in the bud the hopes of future generations. In the exerciseof domestic jurisdiction the nobles of Rome express an exquisitesensibility for any personal injury, and a contemptuous indifference forthe rest of the human species. When they have called for warm water, ifa slave has been tardy in his obedience, he is instantly chastised withthree hundred lashes; but should the same slave commit a wilful murder, the master will mildly observe that he is a worthless fellow, but that, if he repeats the offense, he shall not escape punishment. Hospitalitywas formerly the virtue of the Romans; and every stranger who couldplead either merit or misfortune was relieved or rewarded by theirgenerosity. At present, if a foreigner, perhaps of no contemptiblerank, is introduced to one of the proud and wealthy senators, he iswelcomed indeed in the first audience with such warm professions andsuch kind inquiries that he retires enchanted with the affability of hisillustrious friend, and full of regret that he had so long delayed hisjourney to Rome, the native seat of manners as well as of empire. Secure of a favorable reception, he repeats his visit the ensuing day, and is mortified by the discovery that his person, his name, and hiscountry are already forgotten. If he still has resolution to persevere, he is gradually numbered in the train of dependents, and obtains thepermission to pay his assiduous and unprofitable court to a haughtypatron, incapable of gratitude or friendship, who scarcely deigns toremark his presence, his departure, or his return. Whenever the richprepare a solemn and popular entertainment, whenever they celebrate withprofuse and pernicious luxury their private banquets, the choice of theguests is the subject of anxious deliberation. The modest, the sober, and the learned are seldom preferred; and the nomenclators, who arecommonly swayed by interested motives, have the address to insert in thelist of invitations the obscure names of the most worthless of mankind. But the frequent and familiar companions of the great are thoseparasites who practice the most useful of all arts, the art of flattery;who eagerly applaud each word and every action of their immortal patron, gaze with rapture on his marble columns and variegated pavements, andstrenuously praise the pomp and elegance which he is taught to consideras a part of his personal merit. At the Roman tables the birds, thedormice, or the fish, which appear of an uncommon size, are contemplatedwith curious attention; a pair of scales is accurately applied toascertain their real weight; and, while the more rational guests aredisgusted by the vain and tedious repetition, notaries are summoned toattest by an authentic record the truth of such a marvellous event. Another method of introduction into the houses and society of the greatis derived from the profession of gaming, or, as it is more politelystyled, of play. The confederates are united by a strict andindissoluble bond of friendship, or rather of conspiracy; a superiordegree of skill in the Tesserarian art is a sure road to wealth andreputation. A master of that sublime science who in a supper or anassembly is placed below a magistrate displays in his countenance thesurprise and indignation which Cato might be supposed to feel when hewas refused the praetorship by the votes of a capricious people. Theacquisition of knowledge seldom engages the curiosity of the nobles, whoabhor the fatigue and disdain the advantages of study; and the onlybooks which they peruse are the Satires of Juvenal and the verbose andfabulous histories of Marius Maximus. The libraries which they haveinherited from their fathers are secluded, like dreary sepulchres, fromthe light of day. But the costly instruments of the theatre-flutes, andenormous lyres, and hydraulic organs--are constructed for their use; andthe harmony of vocal and instrumental music is incessantly repeated inthe palaces of Rome. In those palaces sound is preferred to sense, andthe care of the body to that of the mind. It is allowed as a salutarymaxim that the light and frivolous suspicion of a contagious malady isof sufficient weight to excuse the visits of the most intimate friendsand even the servants who are dispatched to make the decent inquiriesare not suffered to return home till they have undergone the ceremony ofa previous ablution. Yet this selfish and unmanly delicacy occasionallyyields to the more imperious passion of avarice. The prospect of gainwill urge a rich and gouty senator as far as Spoleto; every sentiment ofarrogance and dignity is subdued by the hopes of an inheritance, or evenof a legacy; and a wealthy childless citizen is the most powerful of theRomans. The art of obtaining the signature of a favorable testament, and sometimes of hastening the moment of its execution, is perfectlyunderstood; and it has happened that in the same house, though indifferent apartments, a husband and a wife, with the laudable design ofoverreaching each other, have summoned their respective lawyers todeclare at the same time their mutual but contradictory intentions. Thedistress which follows and chastises extravagant luxury often reducesthe great to the use of the most humiliating expedients. When theydesire to borrow, they employ the base and supplicating style of theslave in the comedy; but when they are called upon to pay, they assumethe royal and tragic declamation of the grandsons of Hercules. If thedemand is repeated, they readily procure some trusty sycophant, instructed to maintain a charge of poison or magic against the insolentcreditor, who is seldom released from prison till he has signed adischarge for the whole debt. These vices, which degrade the moralcharacter of the Romans, are mixed with a puerile superstition thatdisgraces their understanding. They listen with confidence to thepredictions of haruspices, who pretend to read in the entrails ofvictims the signs of future greatness and prosperity; and there are manywho do not presume either to bathe or to dine, or to appear in public, till they have diligently consulted, according to the rules ofastrology, the situation of Mercury and the aspect of the moon. It issingular enough that this vain credulity may often be discovered amongthe profane sceptics who impiously doubt or deny the existence of acelestial power. "

CHAPTER 116. "They either take in or else they are taken in. "

"Captare" may be defined as to get the upper hand of someone; and"captari" means to be the dupe of someone, to be the object of interestedflattery; "captator" means a succession of successful undertakings of thesort referred to above. Martial, lib. VI, 63, addresses the followingverses to a certain Marianus, whose inheritance had excited the avariceof one of the intriguers:

 "You know you're being influenced, You know the miser's mind; You know the miser, and you sensed His purpose; still, you're blind. "

Pliny the Elder, Historia Naturalis, lib. XIV, chap. I, writes inscathing terms against the infamous practice of paying assiduous courtto old people for the purpose of obtaining a legacy under their wills. "Later, childlessness conferred advantages in the shape of the greatestauthority and Lower; undue influence became very insidious in its questof wealth, and in grasping the joyous things alone, debasing the truerewards of life; and all the liberal arts operating for the greatest goodwere turned to the opposite purpose, and commenced to profit bysycophantic subservience alone. "

And Ammianus Marcellinus, lib. XVIII, chap. 4, remarks: "Some there arethat grovel before rich men, old men or young, childless or unmarried, oreven wives and children, for the purpose of so influencing their wishesand them by deft and dextrous finesse. "

That this profession of legacy hunting is not one of the lost arts isapparent even in our day, for the term "undue influence" is as common inour courts as Ambrose Bierce's definition of "husband, " or refinedcruelty, or "injunctions" restraining husbands from disposing ofproperty, or separate maintenance, or even "heart balm" and theconsequent breach of promise. 

CHAPTER 119. The rite of the Persians:

Castration has been practiced from remote antiquity, and is a feature ofthe harem life of the Levant to the present day. Semiramis is accused ofhaving been the first to order the emasculation of a troupe of her boyslaves. 

"Whether the first false likeness of men came to the Assyrians throughthe ingenuity of Semiramis; for these wanton wretches with high timberedvoices could not have produced themselves, those smooth cheeks could notreproduce themselves; she gathered their like about her: or, Parthianluxury forbade with its knife, the shadow of down to appear, and fosteredlong that boyish bloom, compelling art-retarded youth to sink to Venus'calling, " Claudianus, Eutrop. I, 339 seq. 

"And last of all, the multitude of eunuchs, ranging in age, from old mento boys, pale and hideous from the twisted deformity of their features;so that, go where one will, seeing groups of mutilated men, he willdetest the memory of Semiramis, that ancient queen who was the first toemasculate young men of tender age; thwarting the intent of Nature, andforcing her from her course. " Ammianus Marcellinus, book xiv, chap. Vi. 

The Old Testament proves that the Hebrew authorities of the time were nostrangers to the abomination, but no mention of eunuchs in Judea itselfis to be found prior to the time of Josiah. Castration was forbidden theJews, Deuteronomy, xxiii, 1, but as this book was probably unknown beforethe time of Josiah, we can only conjecture as to the attitude of thepatriarchs in regard to this subject; we are safe, however, in inferringthat it was hostile. "Periander, son of Cypselus, had sent three hundredyouths of the noblest young men of the Corcyraeans to Alyattes, atSardis; for the purpose of emasculation. " Herodotus, iii, chapter 48. 

"Hermotimus, then, was sprung from these Pedasians; and, of all men weknow, revenged himself in the severest manner for an injury he hadreceived; for, having been captured by an enemy and sold, he waspurchased by one Panionius, a Chian, who gained a livelihood by the mostinfamous practices; for whenever he purchased boys remarkable for theirbeauty, having castrated them, he used to take them to Sardis and Ephesusand sell them for large sums; for with the barbarians, eunuchs are morevalued than others, on account of their perfect fidelity. Panionius, therefore, had castrated many others, as he made his livelihood by thismeans, and among them, this man. 

"Hermotimus, however, was not in every respect unfortunate, for he wentto Sardis, along with other presents for the king, and in process of timewas the most esteemed by Xerxes of all his eunuchs. 

"When the king was preparing to march his Persian army against Athens, Hermotimus was at Sardis, having gone down at that time, upon somebusiness or other, to the Mysian territory which the Chians possess, andis called Atarneus, he there met with Panionius. Having recognized him, he addressed many friendly words to him, first recounting the manyadvantages he had acquired by this means, and secondly, promising him howmany favors he would confer upon him in requital, if he would bring hisfamily and settle there; so that Panionius joyfully accepted the proposaland brought his wife and children. But when Hermotimus got him with hiswhole family into his power, he addressed him as follows:

"'O thou, who, of all mankind, hast gained thy living by the mostinfamous acts, what harm had either I, or any of mine, done to thee, or any of thine, that of a man thou hast made me nothing?

"'Thou didst imagine, surely, that thy machinations would pass unnoticedby the Gods, who, following righteous laws, have enticed thee, who hathcommitted unholy deeds, into my hands, so that thou canst not complain ofthe punishment I shall inflict upon thee. '

"When he had thus upbraided him, his sons being brought into hispresence, Panionius was compelled to castrate his own sons, who were fourin number; and, being compelled, he did it; and after he had finished it, his sons, being compelled, castrated him. Thus did vengeance andHermotimus overtake Panionius. " Herodotus, viii, ch. 105-6. 

Mention of the Galli, the emasculated priests of Cybebe should be made. Emasculation was a necessary first condition of service in her worship. (Catullus, Attys. ) The Latin literature of the silver and bronze agescontains many references to castration. Juvenal and Martial havelavished bitter scorn upon this form of degradation, and Suetonius andStatius inform us that Domitian prohibited the practice, but it is in the"Amoures" attributed to Lucian that we find a passage so closely akin tothe one forming a basis of this note, that it is inserted in extenso:

"Some pushed their cruelty so far as to outrage Nature with thesacrilegious knife, and, after depriving men of their virility, found inthem the height of pleasure. These miserable and unhappy creatures, thatthey may the longer serve the purposes of boys, are stunted in theirmanhood, and remain a doubtful riddle of a double sex, neither preservingthat boyhood in which they were born, nor possessing that manhood whichshould be theirs. The bloom of their youth withers away in a prematureold age: while yet boys, they suddenly become old, without any intervalof manhood. For impure sensuality, the mistress of every vice, devisingone shameless pleasure after another, insensibly plunges intounmentionable debauchery, experienced in every form of brutal lust. " Thejealous Roman husband's furious desire to prevent the consequences of hiswife's incontinence was by no means well served by the use of suchagents; on the contrary, the women themselves profited by thearrangement. By means of these eunuchs, they edited the morals of theirmaids and hampered the sodomitical hankerings, active or otherwise, oftheir husbands: Martial, xii, 54: but when the passions and suspicions ofboth heads of the family were mutually aroused, the eunuchs fanned theminto flame and gained the ascendancy in the home. They even went so faras to marry: Martial, xi, 82, and Juvenal, i, 22. 

In the third century a certain Valesius formed a sect which, followingthe example set by Origen, acted literally upon the text of Matthew, v, 28, 30, and Matthew, xix, 12. Of this sect, Augustine, De Heres. Chap. 37, said: "the Valesians castrate themselves and those who partake oftheir hospitality, thinking that after this manner, they ought to serveGod. " That injustice was done upon the wrong member is very evident, yetin an age so dark, so dominated by austere asceticism, this clean cutperception of the best interests of suffering humanity, is only to berivalled by the French physician in the time of the black plague. He hadobserved that sthenic patients, when bled, died: the superstition andmedical usage of the age prescribed bleeding, and when the fat abbotscame to be bled, he bled them freely and with satisfaction. Justiniandecreed that anyone guilty of performing the operation which deprived anindividual of virility should be subjected to a similar operation, andthis crime was later punished with death. In the sixteenth andseventeenth centuries we encounter another and even viler reason for thispractice: that "the voice of such a person" (one castrated in boyhood)"after arriving at adult age, combines the high range and sweetness ofthe female with the power of the male voice, " had long been known, andItalian singing masters were not slow in putting this hint to practicaluse. The poor sometimes sold their children for this purpose, and thecastrati and soprani are terms well known to the musical historian. 

These artificial voices disgraced the Italian stage until literallydriven from it by public hostility, and the punishment of death was thereward of the individual bold enough to perform such an operation. Thepapal authority excommunicated those guilty of the crime and those uponwhom such an operation had been performed, but received artificialvoices, which were the result of accident, into the Sistine choir. This pretext served the church well and, until the year 1878, whenthe disgrace was wiped out by Pope Leo XIII, the Sistine choir was aneloquent commentary upon the attitude of an institution placed, as itwere, "between love and duty. " It should be recorded that this choir, inits recent visit to the United States, had but one artificial voice, andits owner was the oldest member of the choir. 

Young home-born slaves were bought up by the dealers, castrated, becauseof the increased price they brought when in this condition, and sold forhuge sums: Seneca, Controv. X, chap. 4; and kidnapping was frequentlyresorted to, just as it is in Africa today. 

In Russia there is a sect called the "skoptzi, " whose tenets, in thisrespect, are indicated by their name. This sect is first mentioned inthe person of a certain Adrian, a monk, who came to Russia about theyear 1001. In 1041, l090 to 1096, 1138 to 1147, 1326, they are noticed, and in 1721 to 1724 they are prominent. They call themselves "whitedoves" and are divided into smaller congregations which, in theirallegorical terminology, they call "ships"; the leader of eachcongregation is called the "pilot" and the female leader, the "pilot'smate. " Their tenets provide for two degrees of emasculation: completeand incomplete, and, in the case of the former, he who submitted to theoperation had the "royal seal" affixed to him, this being their name forcomplete emasculation: in the case of the latter, the neophyte hadreached the "Second Degree of Purity. " The operation was performed witha red-hot knife or a hot iron, and this was known as the "baptism byfire. "

In the case of female converts, the breasts were amputated, either with ared-hot knife or a pair of red-hot shears (Kudrin trial, Moscow, 1871;testimony of physicians and examination of the accused) which served thedouble purpose of checking haemorrhage, as would a thermo-cautery, andavoiding infection. Another method consisted in searing the orifice ofthe vagina so that the scar tissue would contract it in such a manner asto effectually prevent the entrance of the male. 

A peculiar attribute of this sect is the character of many of itsmembers: bankers, civil service officials, navy officers, army officersand others of the finest professions. Leroy-Beaulieu, in discussingtheir methods of obtaining converts says: "they prefer boys and youths, whom they strive to convince of the necessity of 'killing the flesh. 'They sometimes succeed so well, that cases are known of boys of fifteenor so resorting to self-mutilation, to save themselves from thetemptations of early manhood. These apostles of purity do not alwaysscruple to have recourse to violence or deceit. They ensnare theirvictims by equivocal forms of speech, and having thus obtained theirconsent virtually upon false pretences, they reveal to the confidingdupes the real meaning of the engagement they have entered into only atthe last moment, when it is too late for them to escape the murderousknife. One evening, two men, one of them young and blooming, the otherold, with sallow and unnaturally smooth face, were conversing, whilesipping their tea, in a house in Moscow. 'Virgins will alone standbefore the throne of the Most High, ' said the elder man. 'He who lookson a woman with desire commits adultery in his heart, and adulterersshall not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. ' 'What then should we sinnersdoe' asked the young man. 'Knowest thou not, ' replied the elder, 'theword of the Lord? If thy right eye leadeth thee into temptation, pluckit out and cast it from thee; if thy right hand leadeth thee intotemptation, cut it off and cast it from thee. What ye must do is to killthe flesh. Ye must become like unto the disembodied angels, and that maybe attained only, through being made white as snow. ' 'And how can we bemade thus white?' further inquired the young man. 'Come and see, ' saidthe old man. 'He took his companion down many stairs, into a cellarresplendent with lights. Some fifteen white robed men and women weregathered there. In a corner was a stove, in which blazed a fire. Aftersome prayers and dances, very like those in use among the Flagellants, the old man announced to his companion: 'now shalt thou learn how sinnersare made white as snow. ' And the young man, before he had time to ask asingle question, was seized and gagged, his eyes were bandaged, he wasstretched out on the ground, and the apostle, with a red-hot knife, stamped him with the 'seal of purity. ' This happened to a peasant, Saltykov by name, and certainly not to him alone. He fainted away underthe operation, and when he came to himself, he heard the voices of hischaste sponsors give him the choice between secrecy and death. "

Catherine II signed the first edict against this sect in 1772, butagitation was more or less constant until the Imperial government beganvigorous prosecutions in 1871, and many were sentenced to hard labor inSiberia. When prosecutions were instituted, large numbers emigrated toRoumania and there took the name of "Lipovans. " Women, especially one ofthe name of Anna Romanovna, have had a great share in the invention anddiffusion of the doctrine. Not infrequently it is the women who, withtheir own hands, transform the men to angels. 

In 1871 their number was estimated to be about 3000, in 1874 theynumbered 5444, including 1465 women, and in 1847, 515 men and 240 womenwere transported to Siberia. The sect still holds its own in Russia. They are millennarians and the messiah will not come for them until theirsect numbers 144, 000. 

Antiquity knew three varieties of eunuch:Castrati: Scrotum and testicles were amputated. Spadones: Testicles were torn out. Thlibiae: Testicles were destroyed by crushing. 

CHAPTER 127. "Such sweetness permeated her voice as she said this, soentrancing was the sound upon the listening air that you would havebelieved the Sirens' harmonies were floating in the breeze. "

Many scholars have drawn attention to the ethereal beauty of thispassage. Probably the finest parallel is to be found in Horace's ode toCalliope. After the invocation to the muse he thinks he hears herplaying:

 "Hark! Or is this but frenzy's pleasing dream? Through groves I seem to stray Of consecrated bay, Where voices mingle with the babbling stream, And whispering breezes play. "

 Sir Theodore Martin's version. 

Another exquisite and illuminating passage occurs in Catullus, 51, givenin Marchena's fourth note. 

CHAPTER 131. "Then she kneaded dust and spittle and, dipping her middlefinger into the mixture, she crossed my forehead with it. "

Since the Fairy Tale Era of the human race, sputum has been employed togive potency to charms and to curses. It was anciently used as anathemaand that use is still in force to this day. Let the incredulous criticspit in some one's face if he doubts my word. 

But sputum had also a place in the Greek and Roman rituals. Trimalchiospits and throws wine under the table when he hears a cock crowingunseasonably. This, in the first century. Any Jew in Jerusalem hearingthe name of Titus mentioned, spits: this in 1903. In the ceremony ofnaming Roman children spittle had its part to play: it was customary forthe nurse to touch the lips and forehead of the child with spittle. TheCatholic priest's ritual, which prescribes that the ears and nostrils ofthe infant or neophyte, as the case may be, shall be touched withspittle, comes, in all probability from Mark, vii, 33, 34, viii, 23, andJohn, ix, 6, which, in turn are probably derived from a classicaloriginal. It should be added that fishermen spit upon their bait beforecasting in their hooks. 

CHAPTER 131. Medio sustulit digito:

There is more than a suggestion in the choice of the middle finger, inthis instance. Among the Romans, the middle finger was known as the"infamous finger. "

 Infami digito et lustralibus ante salivis Expiat, urentes oculos inhibere perita. Persius, Sat. Ii

See also Dio Chrysostom, xxxiii. "Neither, " says Lampridius, Life ofHeliogabalus, "was he given to demand infamies in words when he couldindicate shamelessness with his fingers, " Chapter 10. "With tears in hiseyes, Cestos often complains to me, Mamurianus, of being touched by yourfinger. You need not use your finger, merely: take Cestos all toyourself, if nothing else is wanting in your establishment, "Martial, i, 93

To touch the posteriors lewdly with the finger, that is, the middlefinger put forth and the two adjoining fingers bent down, so that thehand might form a sort of Priapus, was an obscene sign to attractcatamites. That this position of the fingers was an indecent symbol isattested by numerous passages in the classical writers. "He would extendhis hand, bent into an obscene posture, for them to kiss, " Suetonius, Caligula, 56. It may be added that one of that emperor's officersassassinated him for insulting him in that manner. When this finger wasthus applied it signified that the person was ready to sodomise him whomhe touched. The symbol is still used by the lower orders. 

"We are informed by our younger companions that gentlemen given tosodomitical practices are in the habit of frequenting some public place, such as the Pillars of the County Fire Office, Regent St. , and placingtheir hands behind them, raising their fingers in a suggestive mannersimilar to that mentioned by our epigrammatist. Should any gentlemanplace himself near enough to have his person touched by the playfulfingers of the pleasure-seeker, and evince no repugnance, the latterturns around and, after a short conversation, the bargain is struck. Inthis epigram, however, Martial threatens the eye and not the anus. " TheRomans used to point out sodomites and catamites by thus holding out themiddle finger, and so it was used as well in ridicule (or chaff, as wesay) as to denote infamy in the persons who were given to thesepractices. 

"If anyone calls you a catamite, Sextillus, " says Martial, ii, 28, "return the compliment and hold out your middle finger to him. "According to Ramiresius, this custom was still common in the Spain of hisday (1600), and it still persists in Spanish and Italian countries, aswell as in their colonies. This position of the fingers was supposed torepresent the buttocks with a priapus inserted up the fundament; it wascalled "Iliga, " by the Spaniards. From this comes the ancient custom ofsuspending little priapi from boys' necks to avert the evil eye. 

Aristophanes, in the "Clouds, " says:

SOCRATES: First they will help you to be pleasant in company, and toknow what is meant by OEnoplian rhythm and what by the Dactylic. 

STREPSIADES: Of the Dactyl (finger)? I know that quite well. 

SOCRATES: What is it then?

STREPSIADES: Why, 'tis this finger; formerly, when a child, I used thisone. 

(Daktulos means, of course, both Dactyl (name of a metrical foot) andfinger. Strepsiades presents his middle finger with the other fingersand thumb bent under in an indecent gesture meant to suggest the penisand testicles. It was for this reason that the Romans called this fingerthe "unseemly finger. ")

SOCRATES: You are as low minded as you are stupid. 

[See also Suetonius: Tiberius, chapter 68. ]

CHAPTER 138. "OEnothea brought out a leathern dildo. "

This instrument, made from glass, wax, leather, or other suitablematerial such as ivory or the precious metals (Ezekiel xvi, 17), has beenknown from primitive times; and the spread of the cult of Priapus was apotent factor in making the instrument more common in the western world. Numerous Greek authors make mention of it: Aristophanes, Lucian, Herondas, Suidas and others. That it was only too familiar to the Romansis shown by their many references to it: Catullus, Martial, the apostlePaul, Tertullian, and others. 

Aristophanes, Lysistrata: (Lysistrata speaking) "And not so much asthe shadow of a lover! Since the day the Milesians betrayed us, I havenever once caught sight of an eight-inch-long dildo even, to be aleathern consolation to us poor widows. " Her complaint is based upon thefact that all the men were constantly absent upon military duty and theforce of the play lies in her strategic control of a commodity in greatdemand among the male members of society. Quoting again from the sameplay: Calonice: "And why do you summon us, Lysistrata dear? What is itall about?" Lysistrata: "About a big affair. " Calonice: "And is itthick, too'?" Lysistrata: "Indeed it is, great and big too. " Calonice:"And we are not all on the spot!" Lysistrata: "Oh! If it were what youhave in mind, there would never be an absentee. No, no, it concerns athing I have turned about and about, this way and that, for manysleepless nights. " When the plot has been explained, viz. : that thewomen refuse intercourse to their husbands until after peace has beendeclared--Calonice: "But suppose our poor devils of husbands go away andleave us"' Lysistrata: "Then, as Pherecrates says, 'we must flay askinned dog, ' that's all. "

Lucian, Arnoures, says: "but, if it is becoming for men to haveintercourse with men, for the future let women have intercourse withwomen. Come, O new generation, inventor of strange pleasures! as youhave devised new methods to satisfy male lust, grant the same privilegeto women; let them have intercourse with one another like men, girdingthemselves with the infamous instruments of lust, an unholy imitation ofa fruitless union. "

Herondas, Mime vi:

KORITTO | Two women friendsMETRO |A Female Domestic. 

Time, about 300 B. C. 

Scene, Koritto's sitting room. 

KORITTO: (Metro has just come to call) Take a seat, Metro; (to the slavegirl) Get up and get the lady a chair; I have to tell you to doeverything; you're such a fool you never do a thing of your own accord. You're only a stone in the house, you're not a bit like a slave exceptwhen you count up your daily allowance of bread: you count the crumbswhen you do that, though, and whenever the tiniest bit happens to fallupon the floor, the very walls get tired of listening to your grumblingand boiling over with temper, as you do all day long--now, when we wantto use that chair you've found time to dust it off and rub up the polish--you may thank the lady that I don't give you a taste of my hand. 

METRO: You have as hard a time as I do, Koritto, dear--day and nightthese low servants make me gnash my teeth and bark like a dog, just likethey do you. --But I came to see you about--(to the slave girl) get out ofhere, get out of my sight, you trouble maker, you're all ears and tongueand nothing else, all you do is to sit around Koritto--dear, now pleasedon't tell me a fib, who stitched that red dildo of yours?

KORITTO: Metro, where did you see that?

METRO: Why Nossis, the daughter of Erinna, had it three days ago. Oh butit was a beauty!

KORITTO: So Nossis had it, did she? Where did she get it, I wonder?

METRO: I'm afraid you'll say something if I tell you. 

KORITTO: My dear Metro, if anybody hears anything you tell me, fromKoritto's mouth, I hope I go blind. 

METRO: It was given to her by Eubole of Bitas, and she cautioned her notto let a soul hear of it. 

KORITTO: That woman will be my undoing, one of these days; I yielded toher importunity and gave it to her before I had used it myself, Metrodear, but to her it was a godsend--, now she takes it and gives it tosome one who ought not to have it. I bid a long farewell to such afriend as she; let her look out for another friend instead of me. As forNossis, Adrasteia forgive me. I don't want to talk bigger than a ladyshould--I wouldn't give her even a rotten dildo; no, not even if I had athousand!

METRO: Please don't flare up so quickly when you hear somethingunpleasant. A good woman must put up with everything. It's all my faultfor gossiping. My tongue ought to be cut out; honestly it should: but toget back to the question I asked you a moment ago: who stitched thedildo? Tell me if you love me! What makes you laugh when you look atme? What does your coyness mean? Have you never set eyes on me before?Don't fib to me now, Koritto, I beg of you. 

KORITTO: Why do you press me so? Kerdon stitched it. 

METRO: Which Kerdon? Tell me, because there are two Kerdons, one is thatblue-eyed fellow, the neighbor of Myrtaline the daughter of Kylaithis;but he couldn't even stitch a plectron to a lyre--the other one, wholives near the house of Hermodorus, after you have left the street, waspretty good once, but he's too old, now; the late lamented Kylaithis--mayher kinsfolk never forget her--used to patronize him. 

KORITTO: He's neither of those you've mentioned, Metro; this fellow isbald headed and short, he comes from Chios or Erythrai, I think--youwould mistake him for another Prexinos, one fig could not look more likeanother, but just hear him talk, and you'll know that he is Kerdon andnot Prexinos. He does business at home, selling his wares on the slybecause everyone is afraid of the tax gatherers. My dear! He does dosuch beautiful work! You would think that what you see is the handiworkof Athena and not that of Kerdon! Do you know that he had two of themwhen he came here! And when I got a look at them my eyes nearly burstfrom their sockets through desire. Men never get--I hope we are alone--their tools so stiff; and not only that, but their smoothness was assweet as sleep and their little straps were as soft as wool. If you wentlooking for one you would never find another ladies' cobbler clevererthan he!

METRO: Why didn't you buy the other one, too?

KORITTO: What didn't I do, Metro dear'? And what didn't I do to persuadehim'? I kissed him, I patted his bald head, I poured out some sweet winefor him to drink, I fondled him, the only thing I didn't do was to givehim my body. 

METRO: But you should have given him that too, if he asked it. 

KORITTO: Yes, and I would have, but Bitas slave girl commenced grindingin the court, just at the wrong moment; she has reduced our hand millnearly to powder by grinding day and night for fear she might have fourobols to pay for having her own sharpened. 

METRO: But how did he happen to come to your house, Koritto dear? You'lltell me the truth won't you, now?

KORITTO: Artemis the daughter of Kandas directed him to me by pointingout the roof of the tanner's house as a landmark. 

METRO: That Artemis is always discovering something new to help her makecapital out of her skill as a go-between. But anyhow, when you couldn'tbuy them both you should have asked who ordered the other one. 

KORITTO: I begged him to tell me but he swore he wouldn't, that's howmuch he thought of me, Metro dear. 

METRO: You mean that I must go and find Artemis now to learn who theKerdon is--good-bye KORITTO. He (my husband) is hungry by now, so it'stime I was going. 

KORITTO: (To the slave girl) Close the doors, there, chicken keeper, andcount the chickens to see if they're all there; throw them some grain, too, for the chicken thieves will steal them out of one's very lap. 

THE CORDAX. 

A lascivious dance of the old Greek comedy. Any person who performedthis dance except upon the stage was considered drunk or dissolute. That the dance underwent changes for the worse is manifest from therepresentation of it found on a marble tazza in the Vatican (Visconti, Mus. Pio-Clem. Iv, 29), where it is performed by ten figures, fiveFinns and five Bacchanals, but their movements, though extremely livelyand energetic, are not marked by any particular indelicacy. Many ancientauthors and scholiasts have commented upon the looseness and sex appealof this dance. Meursius, Orchest. , article Kordax, has collected themajority of passages in the classical writers, bearing upon this subject, but from this disorderly collection it is impossible to arrive at anydefinite description of the cordax. The article in Coelius Rhodiginus. Var. Lect. Lib. Iv, is conventional. The cordax was probably notunlike the French "chalhut, " danced in the wayside inns, and it has beenpreserved in the Spanish "bolero" and the Neapolitan "tarantella. " Whenthe Romans adopted the Greek customs, they did not neglect the dancesand it is very likely that the Roman Nuptial Dance, which portrayed themost secret actions of marriage had its origin in the Greek cordax. Thecraze for dancing became so menacing under Tiberius that the Senate wascompelled to run the dancers and dancing masters out of Rome but the evilhad become so deep rooted that the very precautions by which society wasto be safeguarded served to inflame the passion for the dance andindulgence became so general and so public that great scandal resulted. Domitian, who was by no means straight laced, found it necessary to expelfrom the Senate those members who danced in public. The people imitatedthe nobles, and, as fast as the dancers were expelled, others from thehighest and lowest ranks of society took their places, and there sooncame to be no distinction, in this matter, between the noblest names ofthe patricians and the vilest rabble from the Suburra. There is nocomparison between the age of Cicero and that of Domitian. "One could doa man no graver injury than to call him a dancer, " says Cicero, ProMurena, and adds: "a man cannot dance unless he is drunk or insane. "

Probably the most realistic description of the cordax, conventional, ofcourse, is to be found in Merejkovski's "Death of the Gods. " The passageoccurs in chapter vi. I have permitted myself the liberty of supplyingthe omissions and euphemisms in Trench's otherwise excellent and spiritedversion of the novel. "At this moment hoarse sounds like the roarings ofsome subterranean monster came from the market square. They were thenotes, now plaintive, now lively, of a hydraulic organ. At the entranceto a showman's travelling booth, a blind Christian slave, for four obolsa day, was pumping up the water which produced this extraordinaryharmony. Agamemnon dragged his companions into the booth, a great tentwith blue awnings sprinkled with silver stars. A lantern lighted ablack-board on which the order of the program was chalked up in Syriacand Greek. It was stifling within, redolent of garlic and lamp oil soot. In addition to the organ, there struck up the wailing of two harshflutes, and an Ethopian, rolling the whites of his eyes, thrummed upon anArab drum. A dancer was skipping and throwing somersaults on atightrope, clapping his hands to the time of the music, and singing apopular song:

 Hue, huc, convenite nunc Spatalocinaedi! Pedem tendite Cursum addite

"This starveling snub-nosed dancer was old, repulsive, and nastily gay. Drops of sweat mixed with paint were trickling from his shaven forehead;his wrinkles, plastered with white lead, looked like the cracks in somewall when rain has washed away the lime. The flutes and organ ceasedwhen he withdrew, and a fifteen-year-old girl ran out upon the stage. She was to perform the celebrated cordax, so passionately adored by themob. The Fathers of the Church called down anathema upon it, the Romanlaws prohibited it, but all in vain. The cordax was danced everywhere, by rich and poor, by senators' wives and by street dancers, just as ithad been before. 

"'What a beautiful girl, ' whispered Agamemnon enthusiastically. Thanksto the fists of his companions, he had reached a place in the front rankof spectators. The slender bronze body of the Nubian was draped onlyabout the hips with an almost airy colorless scarf. Her hair was woundon the top of her head, in close fine curls like those of Nubian woven. Her face was of the severest Egyptian type, recalling that of the Sphinx. 

"She began to dance languidly, carelessly, as if already weary. Aboveher head she swung copper bells, castanets or 'crotals, '--swung themlazily, so that they tinkled very faintly. Gradually her movementsbecame more emphatic, and suddenly under their long lashes, yellow eyesshone out, clear and bright as the eyes of a leopardess. She drew herbody up to her full height and the copper castanets began to tinkle withsuch challenge in their piercing sound that the whole crowd trembled withemotion. Vivid, slender, supple as a serpent, the damsel whirledrapidly, her nostrils dilated, and a strange cry came crooning from herthroat. With each impetuous movement, two dark little breasts held tightby a green silk net, trembled like two ripe fruits in the wind, and theirsharp, thickly painted nipples were like rubies, as they protruded fromthe net. 

"The crowd was beside itself with passion. Agamemnon, nearly mad, washeld back by his companions. Suddenly the girl stopped as if exhausted. A slight shudder ran through her, from her head down the dark limbs toher feet. Deep silence prevailed. The head of the Nubian was thrownback as if in a rigid swoon but above it the crotals still tinkled withan extraordinary languor, a dying vibration, quick and soft as the wingflutterings of a captured butterfly. Her eyes grew dim but in theirinner depths glittered two sparks; the face remained severe, impersonal, but upon the sensuous red lips of that sphinx-like mouth a smiletrembled, faint as the dying sound of the crotals. "

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

Double capacity of masseurs and prostitutesEmpress Theodora belonged to this classHigh fortune may rather master us, than we master itLegislation has never proved a success in repressing viceOne could do a man no graver injury than to call him a dancerRussia there is a sect called the skoptziShe is chaste whom no man has solicited--OvidTax on bachelorsWhile we live, let us live

 SIX NOTES BY MARCHENA. 

TO THE ARMY OF THE RHINE. 

The conquests of the French have resulted, during this war, in a boon toknowledge and to letters. Egypt has furnished us with monuments of itsaboriginal inhabitants, which the ignorance and superstition of the Coptsand Mussulmans kept concealed from civilized countries. The libraries ofthe convents of the various countries have been ransacked by savants andprecious manuscripts have been brought to light. 

By no means the least interesting of the acquisitions is a fragment ofPetronius, which we offer to the public, taken from an ancient manuscriptwhich our soldiers, in conquering St. Gall, have sent to us forexamination. We have made an important discovery in reading a parchmentwhich contains the work of St. Gennadius on the Duties of Priests, andwhich, judging from the form of the letters employed, we should say waswritten in the eleventh century. A most careful examination led us toperceive that the work by this saint had been written on pages containingwritten letters, which had been almost effaced. We know that in the darkages it was customary to write ecclesiastical works on the manuscriptscontaining the best authors of Latinity. 

At a cost of much labor we have been able to decipher a morsel which wegive to the public: and of the authenticity of which there can be nodoubt. We render homage to the brave French army to which we owe thisacquisition. 

It is easy to notice that there is a lacuna in that passage of Petroniusin which Encolpius is left with Quartilla, looking through a chink in thedoor, at the actions of Giton and little Pannychis. A few lines below, it relates, in effect, that he was fatigued by the voluptuous enjoymentof Quartilla, and in that which remains to us, there is no mention of thepreliminaries to this enjoyment. The style of the Latin so closelyresembles the original of Petronius that it is impossible to believe thatthe fragment was forged. 

For the benefit of those who have not read the author, it is well tostate that this Quartilla was a priestess of Priapus, at whose house theycelebrated the mysteries of that god. Pannychis is a young girl of sevenyears who had been handed over to Giton to be deflowered. This Giton isthe "good friend" of Encolpius, who is supposed to relate the scene. Encolpius, who had drunk an aphrodisiacal beverage, is occupied withQuartilla in peeping through the door to see in what manner Giton wasacquitting himself in his role. At that moment a soldier enters thehouse. 

Finally an old woman, about whom there is some question in the fragment, is the same as the one who had unexpectedly conducted Encolpius to thehouse of the public women and of whom mention is made in the beginning ofthe work. 

 Ipsa Venus magico religatum brachia nodo Perdocuit, multis non sine verberibus. Tibullus viii, 5. 

I. 

 Vous verrez que vous avez affaire a un homme. You will learn that you have to deal with a man. 

Fighting men have in all times been distinguished on account of thebeauty of their women. The charming fable of the loves of Venus andMars, described by the most ancient of poets, expresses allegorically, this truth. All the demi-gods had their amorous adventures; the mostvaliant were always the most passionate and the happiest. Hercules tookthe maidenheads of fifty girls, in a single night. Thesus loved athousand beauties, and slept with them. Jason abandoned Hypsipyle forMedea, and her, for Creusa. Achilles, the swift of foot, forgot thetender Deidamia in the arms of his Briseis. 

It has been remarked that the lovers did not have very scrupulous tastesin their methods of attaining satisfaction from the women they loved. The most common method was abduction and the women always submitted tothis without a murmur of any sort. Helen was carried off by Theseus, after having also been abducted by Paris. The wife of Atreus wasabducted by Thyestus, and from that arose the implacable hatred betweenthe two families. Rape was no less common. Goddesses themselves and thefavorites of the Gods were at the risk of falling prey to strong mortals. Pirithous, aided by Theseus, even attempted to snatch Proserpina from theGod of the under-world. Juno herself was compelled to painful submissionto the pursuit of Ixion, and Thetis succumbed despite herself, to theassaults of Peleus. The gift of foretelling the future, with whichApollo endowed Cassandra, did not insure her against the brutal caressesof Ajax, son of Oileus. 

In the infancy of society, there was never known any other distinctionexcept between the weak and the strong: the strong commanded and the weakobeyed. For that reason, women were regarded in the light of beingsdestined by nature, to serve the pleasures and even the caprices of men. Never did her suitors express a tender thought for Penelope, and, insteadof making love to her, they squandered her property, slept with herslaves, and took charge of things in her house. 

Circe gave herself to Ulysses who desired to slay her, and Calypso, fullblown goddess as she was, was obliged to make his advances for him. Thefine sentiments that Virgil puts into the mouth of the shade of Creusa, content with having died while serving against the Greeks, "she was aTrojan, and she wedded the son of Venus"; the confession with whichAndromache, confronted by the murderer of her first husband, responds tothe question of AEneas; these ideas, I say, and these sentiments, appertained to the polished century of Augustus and not to the epoch or, scene of the Trojan War. Virgil, in his AEneid, had never subscribed tothe precepts of Horace, and of common sense:

 Aut famam sequere, aut sibi convenientia finge Horace Ars Poet. 119. 

From this manner of dealing with women arose another reason for thepossession of beauty by the valiant. One coveted a woman much as onewould covet a fine flock of sheep, and, in the absence of laws, the onein possession of either the one or the other of these desirable objectswould soon be dispossessed of them if he was not courageous enough toguard them against theft. Wars were as much enterprises for ravishingwomen as they were for taking other property, and one should rememberthat Agamemnon promised to retire from before Troy if the Trojans wouldrestore Helen and his riches to Menelaus; things which Paris haddespoiled him of. 

Also, there was never any of that thing we call "conjugal honor" amongthe Greeks; that idea was far too refined; it was a matter too complexever to have entered the heads of these semi-barbarous people. This isexemplified in the fact that, after the taking of Troy, Helen, who had, of her own free will, belonged successively to Paris, and to Deiphobus, afterwards returned to Menelaus, who never offered her any reproach. That conduct of Menelaus was so natural that Telemachus, who, in his tripto Sparta found Helen again with Menelaus, just as she was before herabduction, did not show the least astonishment. 

The books which bear the most remarkable resemblance to each other arethe Bible and Homer, because the people they describe and the men aboutwhom they speak are forerunners of civilization in pretty much the samedegree. Sarah was twice snatched from the bosom of Abraham and he wasnever displeased with his wife and continued to live on good terms withher. David, a newcomer on the throne, hastened to have Michol brought tohim although she had already married another man. 

The best proof that, during the time of the Romans the women preferredsoldiers to other men is in the claims to successful enterprises by thebragging soldier of Plautus. Pyrgopolinices thought it was onlynecessary to pose as a great warrior, to have all the women chasing afterhim; therefore, his parasite and his slave spoke of nothing but thepassions be inspired in women. Tradition has it that among the Samnites, the bravest men had the choice of the fairest women, and to this customis attributed one of the reasons these people were so warlike. 

In the times of chivalry the greatest exploits were achieved for thepleasure of one's Lady-Love, and there were even such valiant knights, asDon Quixote, who went about the world proving by force of arms that theirladies had no peer. The poverty-stricken troubadours singingharmoniously about their beautiful women found them flying away in thearms of knights who had broken lances at tournaments, or had performedthe greatest feats of arms. In fine, all the peoples of the world havesaid with Dryden:

 "None but the brave deserves the fair. "

II. 

 Ses camarades se saisissent de moi et de Quartilla. His comrades seized hold of Quartilla and me. 

The profession of Quartilla corresponded to that which is followed byour ladies of the Palace Royal. This Palace Royal is a sort of Babylon, with this difference; that the former prostitute themselves all the yearround, and that they are not quite so attractive as the Chaldeanbeauties. For the rest, one of the incontestable facts of ancienthistory is this prostitution of the women of Babylon in honor of Venus, and I cannot understand why Voltaire refused to believe it, sincereligions have always been responsible for the most abominable actions, and because religious wars, the horrors of intolerance, the impostures ofpriests, the despotism of kings, the degradation and stupidity of thepeople, have been the direct fatal effects of religions; and seeing thatthe blind fanaticism of martyrs and the brutal cruelty of tyrants is ahundred times more deplorable than a sacrifice equally agreeable to thevictim and to the one who officiates at the sacrifice; and seeing thatthe enjoyment and giving of life is no less holy than the maceration andcaging of innocent animals. 

The origin of courtesans is lost in the deepest antiquity. It appearsthat it was one of the patriarchal customs to enjoy them, for Judah sleptwith Thamar, widow of his two sons, and who, to seduce him, disguisedherself as a courtesan. Another courtesan, Rahab, played a great role inthe first wars of the people of the Lord: it was this same Rahab whomarried Solomon, father of Boaz, fourth forefather of David, andthirty-second forefather of Jesus Christ, our divine Savior. Yet theeternal sagacity of man has failed to take notice of this profession andto resent the injustice done it by the scorn of men. The elected kingsof the people, the man who adopts the word father according to theflesh, are descendants of a courtesan. 

For the rest, it must be admitted that many who follow this nobleprofession are unworthy of it and only too well justify the ignominywhich is levelled against the entire class. You see these miserablecreatures with livid complexions and haggard eyes, with voices ofStentor, breathing out at the same time the poisons which circulate intheir veins and the liquors with which they are intoxicated; you see ontheir blemished and emaciated bodies, the marks of beings more hideousthan they (twenty come to satisfy their brutal passions for every one ofthem); you listen to their vile language, you hear their oaths andrevolting expressions: to go to these Megeres is often to encounterbrigands and assassins: what a spectacle! It is the deformity of vicein the rags of indigence. 

Ah! But these are not courtesans, they are the dregs of cities. Acourtesan worthy of the name is a beautiful woman, gracious and amiable, at whose home gather men of letters and men of the world; the firstmagistrates, the greatest captains: and who keeps men of all professionsin a happy state of mind because she is pleasing to them, she inspires inthem a desire for reciprocal pleasure: such an one was Aspasia who, afterhaving charmed the cultured people of Athens was for a long time the goodcompanion of Pericles, and contributed much, perhaps, towards making hiscentury what it was, the age of taste in arts and letters. Such anone also was Phryne, Lais, Glycera, and their names will always becelebrated; such, also, was Ninon d'Enclos, one of the ornaments ofthe century of Louis XIV, and Clairon, the first who realized all thegrandeur of her art; such an one art thou, C-----, French Thalia, whocommands attentions, I do not say this by way of apology but to share theopinion of Alceste. 

A courtesan such as I have in mind may have all the public and privatevirtues. One knows the severe probity of Ninon, her generosity, hertaste for the arts, her attachment to her friends. Epicharis, the soulof the conspiracy of Piso against the execrable Nero, was a courtesan, and the severe Tacitus, who cannot be taxed with a partiality forgallantry, has borne witness to the constancy with which she resisted themost seductive promises and endured the most terrible tortures, withoutrevealing any of the details of the conspiracy or any of the names of theconspirators. 

These facts should be recognized above that ascetic moral idea whichconsists of the sovereign virtue of abstinence in defiance of nature'scommands and which places weakness in these matters along with the mostodious crimes. Can one see without indignation Suetonius' reproach ofCaesar for his gallantries with Servilia, with Tertia, and other Romanladies, as a thing equal to his extortions and his measureless ambitions, and praising his warlike ardor against peoples who had never furnishedroom for complaint to Rome? The source of these errors was the theory ofemanations. The first dreamers, who were called philosophers imaginedthat matter and light were co-eternal; they supposed that was all oneunformed and tenebrous mass; and from the former they established theprinciple of evil and of all imperfection, while they regarded the latteras sovereign perfection. Creation, or, one might better sayco-ordination, was only the emanation of light which penetrated chaos, but the mixture of light and matter was the cause of all the inevitableimperfections of the universe. The soul of man was part and parcel ofdivinity or of increased light; it would never attain happiness until itwas re-united to the source of all light; but for it, we would be freefrom all things we call gross and material, and we would be taken intothe ethereal regions by contemplation and by abstinence from thepleasures of the flesh. When these absurdities were adopted for theregulation of conduct, they necessarily resulted in a fierce morality, inimical to all the pleasures of life, such, in a word, as that of theGymnosophists or, in a lesser measure, of the Trappists. 

But despite the gloomy nonsense of certain atrabilious dreamers, thewonderful era of the Greeks was that of the reign of the courtesans. It was about the houses of these that revolved the sands of Pactolus, their fame exceeded that of the first men of Greece. The rich offeringsthat decorated the temples of the Gods were the gifts of these women, and it must be remembered that most of them were foreigners, originating, for the most part, in Asia Minor. It happened that an Athenianfinancier, who resembled the rest of his tribe as much as two drops ofwater, proposed once to levy an impost upon the courtesans. As he spokeeloquently of the incalculable advantages which would accrue to theGovernment by this tax, a certain person asked him by whom the courtesanswere paid. "By the Athenians, " replied our orator, after deliberation. "Then it would be the Athenians who would pay the impost, " replied thequestioner, and the people of Athens, who had a little more sense thancertain legislative assemblies, hooted the orator down, and there wasnever any more question about a tax upon courtesans. 

Corinth was famous for the number and beauty of its courtesans, fromwhich comes the proverb: "It is not given to every man to go to Corinth";there they ran the risk of losing their money and ruining their health. The cause of this great vogue of courtesans in Greece was not thesupposed ugliness of the sex, as the savant Paw imagined, andcontradicted by the unanimous evidence of ancient authors and of moderntravellers; but rather, the retired and solitary life which the women ofthe country led. They lived in separate apartments and never had anycommunication with the streets or with the residences of men "the innerpart of the house which was called the women's apartments, " saidCornelius Nepos (preface). Strangers never visited them; they rarelyvisited their nearest relations. This was why marriage between brothersand sisters was authorized by law and encouraged by usage; the sisterswere exposed to the attacks of their brothers because they livedseparated from them. 

With the Romans, as with us, the virtuous women corrupted somewhat theprofession of the courtesans. The absolute seclusion of women was neverthe fashion at Rome and the stories we have on the authority of ValeriusMaximus on the chastity and modesty of the first Roman matrons merit thesame degree of belief as the legend of Romulus and Remus being brought upby a wolf, the rape of Lucretia or the tragic death of Virginia. On thecontrary, in Livy, a great admirer of the customs of the early days ofRome, we find that in those times a great number of Roman women of thenoblest families were convicted of having poisoned their husbands andcondemned to death for this hideous crime: that, by no means shows a veryexquisite and tender conjugal sentiment. During the period of the secondPunic War with what energy they went about the city seeking the repeal ofthe law which took out of their hands the custody of jewels and preciousstones! A repeal which they obtained despite the opposition of Cato theCensor. It appears that the profession of the courtesan was generallypractised by the freed-women; their manner necessarily showed the resultsof their education. But the young sparks of Rome never paid muchattention to them, they preferred to have love affairs with the wives oftheir friends. For one Sallust who ruined himself with freedwomen, therewere five Cupienniuses; "Cupiennius, that admirer of the pudenda garbedin white, " Hor. Sat. I, ii, 36. Delia, Lesbia, Ipsythillia, Corinna, Nemesis, Neeria, Cynthia, Sulpitia, Lycimnia, and almost all the women towhom, under real or assumed names, Catullus, Tibullus, Propertius, Ovid, Horace, and others, addressed their erotic compositions, were Romanmarried women. Horace is the only one who celebrated a freedwoman insome of his odes. This is due, however, to his taste for variety andperhaps also, to his birth, for he himself was the son of a freedwoman. Ovid's Art of Love and the Satires of Juvenal reveal the extent to whichgallantry was the fashion at Rome and Cato would never have praised theconduct of that young man who had recourse to a public house if that hadbeen an ordinary course of procedure. 

In Europe of the middle ages, the priests and abbots helped to someextent in reviving the profession of the courtesans. Long before, SaintPaul had stated in his Epistles that it was permitted to the apostlesof the Lord to take with them everywhere a sister for charity. Thedeaconesses date from the first century of the church. But the celibacyof the clergy was not universally and solidly established until about theeleventh century, under the pontificate of Gregory VII. During thepreceding century, the celebrated Marozie and Theodore had put theirlovers successively upon the chair of St. Peter, and their sons andgrandsons, as well. But after the priests had submitted to celibacy theyostensibly took the concubines of which, alas! our housekeepers of todayare but feeble vestiges. The Spanish codes of the middle ages were oftenconcerned with the rights of the concubines of priests (mancebas de losclerigos) and these chosen ones of the chosen ones of the Lord invariablyappeared worthy of envy. Finally the courtesans appeared in all theirmagnificence in the Holy City, and modern Rome atoned for the rebuffs andindignities these women had been compelled to endure in ancient Rome. The princes of the church showered them with gifts, they threw at theirfeet the price of redemption from sin, paid by the faithful, and the ageof Leo X was for Rome a wonderful epoch of fine arts, belles lettres, andbeautiful women. But a fanatical monk from Lower Germany fell upon thiscalm of the church and this happy era of the harlots; since then therevenues of the sacred college have continued to decrease, the beautifulcourtesans have abandoned the capital of the Christian world, and theirpleasures have fled with them. And can anyone longer believe in theperfection of the human race, since the best, the most holy of humaninstitutions has so visibly degenerated!

III. 

 Le Soldat ordonne a embasicetas de m'accabler de ses impurs baisers. 

 The soldier ordered the catamite to beslaver me with his stinking kisses. 

One of the reasons which caused the learned and paradoxical Hardouin toassert that all the works which have been attributed to the ancients, with the exception of the Georgics and the Natural History of Pliny, werethe compositions of monks, was doubtless the very frequent repetition ofscenes of love for boys, which one notices in most of these writings:this savant was a Jesuit. But this taste is not peculiar to convents; itis to be found among all peoples and in all climates; its origin is lostin the night of the centuries; it is common in the most polished nationsand it is common among savage tribes. Profound philosophers have arguedin favor of it; poets have sung the objects of this sort of love in theirtender and passionate compositions, and these compositions have alwaysbeen the delight of posterity. What stupid or unfeeling reader can readwithout emotion that beautiful eclogue of Virgil where Corydon sighs hishopeless love for the beautiful Alexis? The most passionate ode ofHorace is that one in which he complains of the harshness of Ligurinus. The tender Tibullus, deceived by his Marathus, brings tears to all whohave hearts. The delicate Anacreon, praising his Bathylle, and thevaliant Alceus giving himself up after his labors in war to sing of thedark eyes and black hair of Lycus . . . "with dark eyes and black hairbeautiful. " It is not to over-civilized refinements of society which, according to certain misanthropists, degrade nature and corrupt it, thatthis taste is due; it is found among the south sea islanders, and theevidence of the first Spaniards attests that it was common among thehordes of American Indians before the discovery of the new world. Pawhad attempted to explain this as resulting from defects in the formationof the organs of pleasure among the natives; but a peculiar cause is notsufficient explanation for a universal effect. 

At the time of the Patriarchs, Greek love was so general that in the fourcities, Sodom, Gomorrah, Adama, and Seboim, it was impossible to find tenmen exempt from the contagion; that number would have sufficed, said theLord, to withhold the punishment which he inflicted upon those cities. 

It should be noted here that most of the assertions about the morals ofthe Israelites which are to be found in the Erotica Biblon of Mirabeauare either false or pure guesswork. It is a bizarre method of judgingthe morals of a people, that of taking their legal code and inferringthat the people were accustomed to break all the laws which are forbiddenby that code. Nevertheless, that is the method which the author of theErotica Biblon adopts for portraying the morals of the Jewish people. Again, he has not even understood this code; he has believed that the lawagainst giving one's seed to the idol Moloch meant giving the humansemen; and he is ignorant of the fact that this seed, as spoken of in theBible, means the children and descendants. Thus it is that the land ofCanaan is promised to the seed of Abraham, and the perpetuity of thereign on Sion to that of David. Moloch was a Phoenician deity, the sameone to which, in Carthage, they sacrificed children; the Romans believedhim to be a reincarnation of their Saturn, but Saturn was an Etruscandivinity who could never have had any connection with the Gods ofPhoenicia. He (Mirabeau) has translated "those who polluted the temple"as meaning those who were guilty of some obscenity in the temple; and hedoes not know that the temple was "polluted" by a thousand acts, declaredimpure by law, and which were not obscene. The entrance of a woman intoa sacred place, less than forty days after her accouchement, or theentrance of a man who had touched an impure animal, constituted apollution of the House of the Lord. When one wishes to make a parade oferudition he should make some attempt to understand the things which hepretends to make clear to others. Or is it that this Mirabeau was merelycareless?

The love of boys was so thoroughly the fashion in Greece that we havetoday given it the name "Greek Love. " Orestes was regarded as the "goodfriend" of Pylades and Patroclus as the lover of Achilles. In thistaste, the Gods set the example for mortals, and the abduction ofGanymede for the service of the master of thunder, was not the leastcause for annoyance given the chaste but over-prudish Juno. Lastly, Hercules was not content with the loves of Omphale and Dejanira, he alsoloved the beautiful Hylas, who was brought up by the nymphs. 

The Greeks boasted, without blushing, of this love, which they consideredthe only passion worthy of men, and they did blush at loving a woman, intimacy with whom, they said, only rendered her adorers soft andeffeminate. In the Dialogue of Plato, entitled "The Banquet, " which isconcerned entirely with discussions of the various forms of love, theydismiss love for women as unworthy of occupying the attention of sensiblemen. One of the speakers, I believe it was Aristophanes, explaining thecause of this fire which we kindle in the bosoms of our loved ones, affirms that the first men were doubles which multiplied their force andtheir power. This, they abused and, as punishment, Jupiter struck themwith lightning and separated them. By their love for each other theycame together again to regain their primitive state. But the effeminatessought out only the women because they were only half men, half women;while those whose tastes were masculine and courageous wanted to becomedouble men again. 

Phedre has put into the mouth of AEsop an explanation of that love whichwould certainly not have been relished by the Greeks. He says that whilePrometheus was occupied with modelling his man and woman, he was invitedto a feast given by Jupiter, to the Gods; he came back intoxicated and, by mistake, applied the sexual parts of one to the body of the other. 

For the rest, the Greeks were all in accord in their profound contemptfor women. The theatrical writers, especially, who studied moreparticularly the general opinions and catered to them in order to obtainthe applause of the public, were distinguished by their bitternessagainst the sex. Euripides maintained that Prometheus deserved to bechained to Mount Caucasus with the vulture gnawing at his entrails, because he had fashioned a being so pernicious and hateful as woman. Theshade of Agamemnon, in the Odyssey advised Ulysses not to put any faithin Penelope and did not stop talking until he had enumerated the entirelist of the vices of the sex. The first Latin authors imitated theGreeks in their invectives against women; the comedies of Plautus, especially, teem with virulent attacks upon them. 

At Rome, however, the great freedom permitted to women, soon broughtabout other opinions in regard to them; they often played an importantrole in public and private affairs, and the men convinced themselvesthat, like men, women were capable of the greatest crimes and of the mostheroic virtues. The noble stoicism of Arria is not the only example ofcourageous virtue displayed by the Roman women at a time when crownedmonsters governed the empire. The young Paulina opened her veins withher husband, the philosopher, Seneca; Mallonia preferred to die intorments rather than give herself up to the odious he-goat of Capri. Who does not admire the noble independence, the conjugal love, and thematronly virtues of Agrippina, the wife of Germanicus?

Moreover, men began to avow their love for women, and we have hereoccasion to observe the rapid progress of gallantry among the Romans. However, the love for boys was no less universally in vogue in Rome, andCicero charges, in his letters to Atticus, that the judges who had soscandalously white-washed Clodius of the accusation of having profanedthe mysteries of the "Good Goddess, " had been publicly promised thefavors of the most illustrious women and the finest young men of thefirst families. Caesar himself, in his early youth had yielded to theembraces of Nicomedes, King of Bithynia; moreover, after his triumph overthe Gauls, on the solemn occasion when it was customary to twit thevictor with all his faults, the soldiers sang: "Caesar subdued the Gauls, Nicomedes subdued Caesar. But Caesar who subdued the Gauls, triumphed, and Nicomedes, who subdued Caesar did not. " Cato said of him that he wasloved by the King, in his youth and that, when he was older, he loved thequeen and, one day, in the senate, while he was dwelling on I know notwhat request of the daughter of Nicomedes, and recounting the benefitswhich Rome owed to that monarch, Cicero silenced him by replying: "Weknow very well what he has given, and what thou hast given him!" Atlast, during the time when the first triumvirate divided all the power, a bad joker remarked to Pompey: "I salute thee, O King, " and, addressingCaesar, "I salute thee, O Queen!" His enemies maintained that he was thehusband of all the women and the wife of all the husbands. Catullus, whodetested him, always called him "the bald catamite, " in his epigrams: heset forth that his friendship with Mamurra was not at all honorable; hecalled this Mamurra "pathicus, " a name which they bestowed upon those wholooked for favors among mature men or among men who had passed the stageof adolescence. 

The masters of the empire never showed any hesitancy in trying and evenin overdoing the pleasures which all their subjects permitted themselves. Alas! A crown is such a weighty burden! The road of domination isstrewn with so many briars that one would never be able to pass down itif he did not take care that they were pressed down under the roses. TheRoman emperors adopted that plan; they longed for pleasures and they tookthe pleasures which offered themselves without delay and in a spirit ofcompetition. Caligula was so little accustomed to waiting that, whileoccupied in offering a sacrifice to the Gods, and the figure of a priesthaving pleased him, he did not take time to finish the sacred ceremoniesbefore taking his pleasure of him. 

A remarkable thing is that among almost all peoples, the baths are theplaces where the prostitution of men by their own sex is the most common. We see in Catullus that the "cinaedi" (catamites), a noun which my chastepen refuses to translate into French, haunted the baths incessantly tocarry out their practices. Among the Orientals, of all modern peopleswho have retained this taste most generally, this same fact holds good. It was at the bath that Tiberius, impotent through old age anddebauchery, was made young again by the touch little children applied tohis breasts; these children he called "'little fishes, " they sucked hiswithered breasts, his infected mouth, his livid lips, and finally hisvirile parts. Hideous spectacle of a tyrant disgraced by nature andstruggling against her maledictions! But in vain did he invent newpleasures, in vain did he take part in these scenes in which groups ofyoung men by threes and fours assumed all sorts of lascivious postures, and were at the same time active and passive; the sight of theseindulgences of the "sprintriae" (for that is the name which was giventhere) did not enable him to resuscitate his vigor any more than theglamor of the throne or the servile submission of the senate served tomitigate his remorse. 

But of all the emperors, the ones who carried their taste for young boysto the greatest lengths were, Nero, Domitian and Hadrian. The firstpublicly wedded the young eunuch Sporus, whom he had had operated upon sothat he might serve him like a young woman. He paid court to the boy ashe would to a woman and another of his favorites dressed himself up in aveil and imitated the lamentations which women were accustomed to utteron nuptial nights. The second consecrated the month of September to hisfavorite and the third loved Antinous passionately and caused him to bedeified after death. 

The most ample proof of the universality of the taste for young boysamong the Romans is found in the Epithalamium of Manilius and Julia, byCatullus, and it might be cause for surprise that this has escaped allthe philologists, were it not a constant thing that men frequentlyreading about these centuries fail to perceive the most palpable factsin their authors, just as they pass over the most striking phenomena ofnature without observing them. It appears, from this epithalamium, thatyoung men, before their marriage, had a favorite selected from amongtheir slaves and that this favorite was charged with the distribution ofnuts among his comrades, on the day, they in turn, treated him withcontempt and hooted him. Here follows an exact translation of thiscurious bit. The favorite could not refuse the nuts to the slaves whenby giving them it appeared that he owned that his master had put away hislove for hire. 

 "Lest longer mute tongue stays that In festal jest, from Fescennine, Nor yet deny their nuts to boys, He-Concubine! who learns in fine His lordling's love is fled. 

 Throw nuts to boys thou idle all He-Concubine! wast fain full long With nuts to play: now pleased as thrall Be thou to swell Talasios' throng He-Concubine throw nuts. 

 Wont thou as peasant-girls to jape He-whore! Thy Lord's delight the while: Now shall hair-curling chattel scrape Thy cheeks: poor wretch, ah' poor and vile:-- He-Concubine, throw nuts. "

and further on, addressing the husband:

 "'Tis said from smooth-faced ingle train (Anointed bridegroom!) hardly fain Hast e'er refrained; now do refrain! O Hymen Hymenaeus io, O Hymen Hymenaeus!

 We know that naught save licit rites Be known to thee, but wedded wights No more deem lawful such delights. O Hymen Hymenaeus io, O Hymen Hymenaeus. " (LXI. Burton, tr. )

The Christian religion strongly prohibits this love; the theologians putit among the sins which directly offend against the Holy Ghost. I havenot the honor of knowing just why this thing arouses his anger so muchmore than anything else; doubtless there are reasons. But the wrath ofthis honest person has not prevented the Christians from having their"pathici, " just as they have in countries where they are authorized bythe reigning deities. We have even noticed that they are the priests ofthe Lord and especially the monks who practice this profession mostgenerally amongst us. The children of Loyola have acquired well-meritedrenown in this matter: when they painted "Pleasure" they never failed torepresent him wearing trousers. Those disciples of Joseph Calasanz whotook their places in the education of children, followed their footstepswith zeal and fervor. Lastly, the cardinals, who have a closeacquaintance with the Holy Ghost, are so prejudiced in favor of Greeklove that they have made it the fashion in the Holy City of Rome; thisleads me to wonder whether the Holy Ghost has changed His mind in regardto this matter and is no longer shocked by it; or whether the theologianswere not mistaken in assuming an aversion against sodomy which He neverhad. The cardinals who are on such familiar terms with him would knowbetter than to give all their days over to this pleasure if He reallyobjected to it. 

I shall terminate this over-long note with an extract from a violentdiatribe against this love which Lucian puts into the mouth of Charicles. He is addressing Callicratidas, a passionate lover of young boys, withwhom he had gone to visit the temple of Venus at Cnidus. 

"O Venus, my queen! to thee I call; lend me your aid while I plead yourcause. For everything over which you deign to shed, be it ever solittle, the persuasion of your charms, reaches absolute perfection, aboveall, erotic discourses need your presence, for you are their lawfulmother. In your womanhood, defend the cause of woman, and grant to mento remain men as they have been born. At the beginning of my discourse, I call as witness to the truth of my arguments the first mother of allcreated things, the source of all generation, the holy Nature of thisuniverse, who, gathering into one and uniting the elements of theworld--earth, air, fire and water--and mingling them together, gave lifeto everything that breathes. Knowing that we are a compound ofperishable matter, and that the span of life assigned to each of us wasshort, she contrived that the death of one should be the birth ofanother, and meted out to the dying, by way of compensation, the cominginto being of others, that by mutual succession we might live forever. But, as it was impossible for anything to be born from a single thingalone, she created two different sexes, and bestowed upon the male thepower of emitting semen, making the female the receptacle of generation. Having inspired both with mutual desires, she joined them together, ordaining, as a sacred law of necessity, that each sex should remainfaithful to its own nature--that the female should not play the maleunnaturally, nor the male degrade himself by usurping the functions ofthe female. Thus intercourse of men with women has preserved the humanrace by never-ending succession: no man can boast of having been createdby man alone; two venerable names are held in equal honor, and menrevere their mother equally with their father. At first, when men werefilled with heroic thoughts, they reverenced those virtues which bringus nearer to the Gods, obeyed the laws of Nature, and, united to womenof suitable age, became the sires of noble offspring. But, by degrees, human life, degenerating from that nobility of sentiment, sank to thelowest depths of pleasure, and began to carve out strange and corruptways in the search after enjoyment. Then sensuality, daring all, violated the laws of Nature herself. Who was it who first looked uponthe male as female, violating him by force or villainous persuasion?One sex entered one bed, and men had the shamelessness to look at oneanother without a blush for what they did or for what they submitted to, and, sowing seed, as it were, upon barren rocks, they enjoyed ashort-lived pleasure at the cost of undying shame. 

"Some pushed their cruelty so far as to outrage Nature with thesacrilegious knife, and, after depriving men of their virility, found inthem the height of pleasure. These miserable and unhappy creatures, thatthey may the longer serve the purposes of boys, are stunted in theirmanhood, and remain a doubtful riddle of a double sex, neither preservingthat boyhood in which they were born, nor possessing that manhood whichshould be theirs. The bloom of their youth withers away in a prematureold age: while yet boys they suddenly become old, without any interval ofmanhood. For impure sensuality, the mistress of every vice, devising oneshameless pleasure after another, insensibly plunges into unmentionabledebauchery, experienced in every form of brutal lust. Whereas, if eachwould abide by the laws prescribed by Providence, we should be satisfiedwith intercourse with women, and our lives would be undefiled by shamefulpractices. Consider the animals, which cannot corrupt by innateviciousness, how they observe the law of Nature in all its purity. He-lions do not lust after he-lions, but, in due season, passion excitesthem towards the females of their species: the bull that rules the herdmounts cows, and the ram fills the whole flock of ewes with the seed ofgeneration. Again, boars mate with sows, he-wolves with shewolves, neither the birds that fly through the air, nor the fish that inhabit thedeep, or any living creatures upon earth desire male intercourse, butamongst them the laws of Nature remain unbroken. But you men, who boastidly of your wisdom, but are in reality worthless brutes, what strangedisease provokes you to outrage one another unnaturally? What blindfolly fills your minds, that you commit the two-fold error of avoidingwhat you should pursue, and pursuing what you should avoid? If each andall were to pursue such evil courses, the race of human beings wouldbecome extinct on earth. And here comes in that wonderful Socraticargument, whereby the minds of boys, as yet unable to reason clearly, aredeceived, for a ripe intellect could not be misled. These followers ofSocrates pretend to love the soul alone, and, being ashamed to professlove for the person, call themselves lovers of virtue, whereat I haveoften been moved to laughter. How comes it, O grave philosophers, thatyou hold in such slight regard a man who, during a long life, has givenproofs of merit, and of that virtue which old age and white hairs become?How is it that the affections of the philosophers are all in a flutterafter the young; who cannot yet make up their minds which path of life totake? Is there a law, then, that all ugliness is to be condemned asvice, and that everything that is beautiful is to be extolled withoutfurther examination? But, according to Homer, the great interpreter oftruth--'One man is meaner than another in looks, but God crowns his wordswith beauty, and his hearers gaze upon him with delight, while he speaksunfalteringly with winning modesty, and is conspicuous amongst theassembled folk, who look upon him as a God when he walks through thecity. ' And again he says: 'Your beauteous form is destitute ofintelligence; the wise Ulysses is praised more highly than the handsomeNireus. ' How then comes it that the love of wisdom, justice, and theother virtues, which are the heritage of the full-grown man, possess noattraction for you, while the beauty of boys excites the most vehementpassion! What! should one love Phoedrus, remembering Lysias, whom hebetrayed? Could one love the beauty of Alcibiades, who mutilated thestatues of the Gods, and, in the midst of a debauch, betrayed themysteries of the rites of Eleusis? Who would venture to declare himselfhis admirer, after Athens was abandoned, and Decelea fortified by theenemy--the admirer of one whose sole aim in life was tyranny? But, asthe divine Plato says, as long as his chin was beardless, he was belovedby all; but, when he passed from boyhood to manhood, when his imperfectintelligence had reached its maturity, he was hated by all. Why, then, giving modest names to immodest sentiments, do men call personal beautyvirtue, being in reality lovers of youth rather than lovers of wisdom?However, it is not my intention to speak evil of distinguished men. But, to descend from graver topics to the mere question of enjoyment, I willprove that connection with women is far more enjoyable than connectionwith boys. In the first place, the longer enjoyment lasts, the moredelight it affords; too rapid pleasure passes quickly away, and it isover before it is thoroughly appreciated; but, if it lasts, it is therebyenhanced. Would to heaven that grudging Destiny had allotted us a longerlease of life, and that we could enjoy perpetual health without anysorrow to spoil our pleasure; then would our life be one continual feast. But, since jealous Fortune has grudged us greater blessings, thoseenjoyments that last the longest are the sweetest. Again, a woman, frompuberty to middle age, until the last wrinkles furrow her face, is worthembracing and fit for intercourse; and, even though the prime of herbeauty be past, her experience can speak more eloquently than the love ofboys. 

"I should consider anyone who attempted to have intercourse with a youthof twenty years to be the slave of unnatural lust. The limbs of such, like those of a man, are hard and coarse; their chins, formerly sosmooth, are rough and bristly, and their well-grown thighs are disfiguredwith hairs. As for their other parts, I leave those of you who haveexperience to decide. On the other hand, a woman's charms are alwaysenhanced by an attractive complexion, flowing locks, dark as hyacinths, stream down her back and adorn her shoulders, or fall over her ears andtemples, more luxuriant than the parsley in the fields. The rest of herperson, without a hair upon it, shines more brilliantly than amber orSidonian crystal. Why should we not pursue those pleasures which aremutual, which cause equal enjoyment to those who receive and to those whoafford them? For we are not, like animals, fond of solitary lives, but, united in social relations, we consider these pleasures sweeter, andthose pains easier to bear, which we share with others. Hence, a commontable was instituted, the mediator of friendship. When we minister tothe wants of the belly, we do not drink Thasian wine, or consume costlyfood by ourselves alone, but in company: for our pleasures and enjoymentsare increased when shared with others. In like manner, the intercourseof men with women causes enjoyment to each in turn, and both are alikedelighted; unless we accept the judgment of Tiresias, who declared thatthe woman's pleasure was twice as great as the man's. I think that thosewho are not selfish should not consider how they may best secure thewhole enjoyment for themselves, but should share what they have withothers. Now, in the case of boys, no one would be mad enough to assertthat this is the case; for, while he who enjoys their person reaches theheight of pleasure--at least, according to his way of thinking--theobject of his passion at first feels pain, even to tears, but when, byrepetition, the pain becomes less keen, while he no longer hurts him, hewill feel no pleasure himself. To mention something still more curious--as is fitting within the precincts of Venus--you may make the same useof a woman as of a boy, and thereby open a double avenue to enjoyment;but the male can never afford the same enjoyment as the female. 

"Therefore, if you are convinced by my arguments, let us, men and women, keep ourselves apart, as if a wall divided us; but, if it is becoming formen to have intercourse with men, for the future let women haveintercourse with women. Come, O new generation, inventor of strangepleasures! As you have devised new methods to satisfy male lust, grantthe same privilege to women; let them have intercourse with one anotherlike men, girding themselves with the infamous instruments of lust, anunholy imitation of a fruitless union; in a word, let our wanton Tribadsreign unchecked, and let our women's chambers be disgraced byhermaphrodites. Far better that a woman, in the madness of her lust, should usurp the nature of a man, than that man's noble nature should beso degraded as to play the woman!"

IV. 

 Embasicetas fut bientot au comble de ses voeux. The Catamite soon reached the height of his passion. 

The theologians class this species of lascivious feeling with pollutionwhich is complete when it produces a result. The Holy Scripture tells usof Onan, son of Judas, grandson of Jacob, and husband of Thamar, who wasslain by the Lord because he spilled his semen, "he poured his semen uponthe ground. " We may be reproached, perhaps, for citing the Holy Bibletoo frequently, but that book contains the knowledge of salvation, andthose who wish to be saved should not fail to study it with assiduity. That this study has occupied a good part of our life, we admit, and wehave always found that study profitable. To vigorous minds thatadmission may seem ridiculous, but we are writing only for pious souls, and they will willingly applaud this courageous profession of our piety. 

The theologians have also classified onanism and pollution among the sinsagainst the Holy Ghost, and this being the case, there is no being in theworld who has been sinned against so often. A medium indulgence in thissin furnished the pleasure of a queen, the severity of one Lucretia doesnot repel a thousand Tarquins. Men with vivid imaginations create forthemselves a paradise peopled with the most beautiful houris, moreseductive than those of Mahomet; Lycoris had a beautiful body but it wasunfeeling; the imagination of her lover pictured her as falling beforehis caresses, he led her by the hand over pressed flowers, through athick grove and along limpid streams; in that sweet reverie his lifeslipped by. 

 Here icy cold fountains, here flower covered meadows, Lycoris; Here shady groves; life itself here would I dream out with thee. 

 Virgil Bucol. Ecl. X, 41. 

In the minds of the theologians pollution is synonymous with allpleasures with persons of the opposite or the same sex, which result in awaste of the elixir of life. In this sense, love between woman and womanis pollution and Sappho is a sinner against the Holy Ghost. 

(Notwithstanding), however (these caprices of the third person of thetrinity) I cannot see why pleasure should be regulated, or why a womanwho has surveyed all the charms of a young girl of eighteen years shouldgive herself up to the rude embraces of a man. What comparisons can bemade between those red lips, that mouth which breathes pleasure for thefirst time, those snowy and purplous cheeks whose velvet smoothness islike the Venus flower, half in bloom, that new-born flesh whichpalpitates softly with desire and voluptuousness, that hand which youpress so delicately, those round thighs, those plastic buttocks, thatvoice sweet and touching, --what comparison can be made between all thisand pronounced features, rough beard, hard breast, hairy body, and thestrong disagreeable voice of man? Juvenal has wonderfully expended allhis bile in depicting, as hideous scenes, these mysteries of the BonaDea, where the young and beautiful Roman women, far from the eyes of men, give themselves up to mutual caresses. Juvenal has painted the eyes ofthe Graces with colors which are proper to the Furies; his tableau, moreover, revolts one instead of doing good. 

The only work of Sappho's which remains to us is an ode written to one ofher loved ones and from it we may judge whether the poetess merited herreputation. It has been translated into all languages; Catullus put itinto Latin and Boileau into French. Here follows an imitation of that ofCatullus:

 Peer of a God meseemeth he, Nay passing Gods (and that can be!) Who all the while sits facing thee Sees thee and hears Thy low sweet laughs which (ah me!) daze Mine every sense, and as I gaze Upon thee (Lesbia!) o'er me strays

 My tongue is dulled, limbs adown Flows subtle flame; with sound its own Rings either ear, and o'er are strown Mine eyes with night. 

 (LI. Burton, tr. )

After that we should never again exhort the ministers and moralists toinveigh against love of women for women; never was the interest of menfound to be so fully in accord with the precepts of divine law. 

Here I should like to speak of the brides of the Lord; but I remember"The Nun" of Diderot, and my pen falls from my hand. Oh, who would dareto touch a subject handled by Diderot?

V. 

 Giton venait de la deflorer, et de remporter une victoire sanglante. Giton the victor had won a not bloodless victory. 

All people have regarded virginity as something sacred, and God has sohonored it that he willed that his son be born of a virgin, fecundated, however, by the Holy Ghost. Still, it appears problematical whether theVirgin Mary, complete virgin that she was, did not have the same pleasureas those who are not virgins, when she received the divine annunciation. Father Sanchez has discussed the question very fully "whether the VirginMary 'spent' in copulation with the Holy-Ghost, " unhappily, he decided inthe negative, and I have too much veneration for Father Sanchez not tosubmit to his decision; but because of it, I am vexed with the VirginMary and the Holy Ghost. 

Notwithstanding this, the daughters of the people of the Lord were notcontent to remain virgins; a state of being which, at bottom has not muchto recommend it. The daughter of Jephtha before being immolated for thesake of the Lord, demanded of her father a reprieve of two months inwhich to weep for her virginity upon the mountains of Gelboe; it seems itshould not have taken so long had she had nothing to regret. Ruth hadrecourse to the quickest method when she wished to cease being a virgin;she simply went and lay down upon the bed with Boaz. The spirit of Godhas deemed it worth while to transmit this story to us, for theinstruction of virgins from century to century. 

The pagan Gods thought highly of maidenheads, they often took them andalways, they set aside the virgins for themselves. The Phtyian, fromwhose organ Apollo was foreordained to come, proved to be only a virgin;the spirit of God did not communicate itself to anyone who had ever beensullied by contact with a mortal. It was to virgins that the sacredfires of Vesta were entrusted, and the violation of their virginity was acapital crime which all Rome regarded as a scourge from wrathful heaven. 

The Sybils lived and died virgins; in addressing the Cumaean Sybil, AEneas never failed to bestow that title upon her. 

Most of the immortals have preserved their virginity, Diana, Minerva, etcet. But what is the most astonishing is that the companions of Venusand Amor, the most lovable of all divinities, the Graces, were alsovirgins. Juno became a virgin again every year, by bathing in the watersof a magic fountain; that must have rendered Jupiter's duties ratheronerous. 

There are some reasons for this passion of mankind for maidenheads. Itis so wonderful to give the first lessons of voluptuousness to a pure andinnocent heart, to feel under one's hand the first palpitations of thevirginal breasts which arouses unknown delights, to dry the first tearsof tenderness, to inspire that first mixture of fear and hope, of vaguedesires and expectant inquietude; whoever has never had that satisfactionhas missed the most pleasurable of all the delights of love. But takenin that sense, virginity is rather a moral inclination, as Buffon says, than a physical matter, and nothing can justify the barbarous precautionsagainst amorous theft which were taken by unnatural fathers and jealoushusbands. 

In those unhappy countries which are bent under oppression, in thosecountries where heaven shows its heat in the beauty of the sex, andwhere beauty is only an object of speculation for avid parents; in suchcountries, I say, they resort to the most odious methods for preservingthe virginity of the young and beautiful daughters who are destined to besold like common cattle. They put a lock over the organ of pleasure andnever permit it to be opened except when it is strictly necessary forcarrying out those animal functions for which nature destined them. 

The locks of chastity were long known in Europe; the Italians are accusedwith this terrible invention. Nevertheless, it is certain that they wereused upon men, at least, in the time of the first Roman emperors. Juvenal, in his satire against women, VI, says: "If the singers pleasethem there is no need for locks of chastity for those who have sold theirvoices to the praetors, who keep them. "

 Si gaudet cantu, nullius fibula durat Vocem vendentis praetoribus. Sat. VI, 379. 

 If pleased by the song of the singer employed by the praetor No fibula long will hold out, free, the actor will greet her. 

Christianity, most spiritual, most mystical of ancient religions, attempts to make out a great case for celibacy. Its founder nevermarried, although the Pharisees reproached him for frequenting gay women, and had, perhaps, some reason for so doing. Jesus showed a particularaffection for Mary Magdalen, to the point of exciting the jealousy ofMartha, who complained that her sister passed her time in conversationwith Jesus and left her with all the housework to do. "Mary has chosenthe better part, " said the Savior. A good Christian must not doubt thatthe colloquies were always spiritual. 

St. Paul counseled virginity and most of the apostolic fathers practicedit. Among others, St. Jerome lived his whole life among women and neverlost his purity. He answered his enemies who reproached him with hisvery great intimacy with the Saintly Sisters, that the irrefutable proofof his chastity was that he stank. That stinking of St. Jerome, which isnot a veritable article of faith in the Church, is, however, an object ofpious belief; and my readers will very gladly assent to it. 

When the Christian clergy wishes to form a body of doctrines to besubmitted to by all the common people it thinks that by separating itsinterests and those of the common people as far as possible it musttighten those ropes by which it binds its fellow citizens. Also the Popewho was the most jealous of ecclesiastical power and the one who abusedit most, Hildebrand, rigorously prohibited the marriage of priests andenunciated the most terrible warnings against those who did not retaintheir celibacy. However, although neither priests nor monks werepermitted to marry, the epithet "virgins" cannot be justly applied to allpriests and all monks without exception. Nor shall I repeat here thenaughty pleasantries of Erasmus, of Boccaccio, and all the others, against the monks; without doubt maliciousness has developed more"satyrical" traits that they have brought out; beyond that, I havenothing to say. 

VI. 

 Alors une vielle. . . . Finally an old woman . . . 

The question here has to do with a procurers or go-between. Thatprofession has gradually fallen into discredit by I know not whatfatality, which befalls the most worthy things. Cervantes the onlyphilosophic author Spain has produced, wanted that calling to bevenerated in cities above all others. And truly, when one thinks howmuch finesse is necessary to pursue that profession with success, whenone considers that those who practice that truly liberal art are therepositories of the most important as well as the most sacred secrets, one would never fail to have the greatest respect for them. Thetranquillity of homes, the civil state of persons they hold at theirdiscretion, and still, though they drink in insults, though they endureabuse, very rarely do these beings, true stoics, compromise those whohave confided in them. 

In their Mercury, the ancients realized their beau ideal or archetypeof go-between which they called; in vulgar language "pimp". That God, as go-between for Jupiter, was often involved in the most hazardousenterprises, such as abducting Io, who was guarded by Argus of thehundred eyes; Mercury I say, was the God of concord, or eloquence, and of mystery. Except to inspire them with friendly feeling and kindaffections, Mercury never went among mortals. Touched by his wand, venomous serpents closely embraced him. Listening to him, Achillesforgot his pride, extended hospitality to Priam and permitted him to takeaway the body of Hector. The ferocious Carthaginians were softenedthrough the influence of this God of peace, and received the Trojans infriendship. Mercury it was who gathered men into society and substitutedsocial customs for barbarism. He invented the lyre and was the master ofAmphion, who opened the walls of Thebes by the charm of his singing. Mercury or Hermes gave the first man knowledge; but it was enveloped in amysterious veil which it was never permitted the profane to penetrate, which signifies that all that he learned from God, concerning amorousadventures, should be wrapped in profound silence. How beautiful allthese allegories are! And how true! How insipid life would be withoutthese mysterious liaisons, by which Nature carries out her designs, eluding the social ties, without breaking them! Disciples of Mercury, Isalute you, whatever be your sex; to your discretion, to your persuasivearts are confided our dearest interests, the peace of mind of husbands, the happiness of lovers, the reputation of women, the legitimacy ofchildren. Without you, this desolated earth would prove to be, inreality, a vale of tears; the young and beautiful wife united to decrepithusband, would languish and grow weak, like the lonely flower which thesun's rays never touch. Thus did Mexence bind in thine indissolublebands the living and the dead. 

Fate, however, has often avenged the go-betweens on account of themisunderstandings from which they suffer at the hands of the vulgar. Otho opened the way to the empire of the world by his services as ago-between for Nero. And the go-betweens of princes, and even ofprincesses, are always found in the finest situations. Even Otho did notlose all his rights; Nero exiled him with a commission of honor, "becausehe was caught in adultery with his own wife, Poppaea. " "Uxoris moechuscoeperate esse suae" (Suet. Otho, chap. 111), said malicious gossip atRome. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

To the scholar contemplating an exhaustive study of Petronius, themasterly bibliography compiled by Gaselee is indispensable, and thoseof my readers who desire to pursue the subject are referred to it. The following is a list of editions, translations, criticisms andmiscellaneous publications and authors from which I have derived benefitin the long and pleasant hours devoted to Petronius. 

EDITIONS, Opera Omnia. 

Frellon Lyons 1615. Hadrianides Amsterdam 1669. Bourdelot Paris 1677. Boschius Amsterdam 1677. Burmann Utrecht 1709. Anton Leipzig 1781. Buecheler Berlin 1862. Herxus (Buecheler) Berlin 1911. 

TRAU FRAGMENT. Amsterdam 1670. (Containing Frambotti's corrections. )

Gaselee Cambridge 1915. 

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS, Vol. VII. 

Cardinals prejudiced in favor of Greek loveFierce morality, inimical to all the pleasures of lifeHardouin on homosexuality in priestsReligions responsible for the most abominable actionsRemarkable resemblance to each other are the Bible and HomerStinking of St. JeromeWars were as much enterprises for ravishing women

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS FOR THE ENTIRE "SATYRICON"

Affairs start to go wrong, your friends will stand from underBelieves, on the spot, every taleBoys play in the schools, the young men are laughed atCardinals prejudiced in favor of Greek loveDeath is never far from those who seek himDeath levels caste and sufferers unitesDeferred pleasures are a long time comingDesire no possession unless the world envies me for possessingDoctor's not good for anything except for a consolationDouble capacity of masseurs and prostitutesEgyptians "commercialized" that incomparable artEither 'take-in, ' or else they are 'taken-in'Empress Theodora belonged to this classErrors committed in the name of religionEsteeming nothing except what is rareEverybody's business is nobody's businessEverything including the children, is devoted to ambitionFace, rouged and covered with cosmeticsFierce morality, inimical to all the pleasures of lifeFor one hour of nausea you promise it a plethora of good thingsHardouin on homosexuality in priestsHe can teach you more than he knows himselfHigh fortune may rather master us, than we master itIn the arrogance of success, had put on the manner of the masterLaughed ourselves out of a most disgraceful quarrelLearning's a fine thing, and a trade won't starveLegislation has never proved a success in repressing viceLive coals are more readily held in men's mouths than a secretLove or art never yet made anyone richMan is hated when he declares himself an enemy to all viceMen are lions at home and foxes abroadNo one will confess the errors he was taught in his school daysNo one can show a dead man a good timeOne could do a man no graver injury than to call him a dancerPlatitudes by which anguished minds are recalled to sanityPriests, animated by an hypocritical mania for prophecyPropensity of pouring one's personal troubles into another's earPutting as good a face upon the matter as I couldReligions responsible for the most abominable actionsRemarkable resemblance to each other are the Bible and HomerRumor but grows in the telling and strives to embellishRussia there is a sect called the skoptziSee or hear nothing at all of the affairs of every-day lifeShe is chaste whom no man has solicited--OvidSomething in the way of hope at which to nibbleStained by the lifeblood of the God of WineStinking of St. JeromeTax on bachelorsThe loser's always the winner in argumentsThe teachers, who must gibber with lunaticsThey secure their ends, save by setting snares for the earsThey seize what they dread to lose mostTo follow all paths; but a road can discover by noneToo many doctors did away with himWars were as much enterprises for ravishing womenWe know that you're only a fool with a lot of learningWhatever we have, we despiseWhatever you talk of at home will fly forth in an instantWhenever you learn a thing, it's yoursWhile we live, let us liveYou can spot a louse on someone else