THE PRUSSIAN OFFICER By D. H. Lawrence LONDON DUCKWORTH & CO, 3 HENRIETTA STREET, COVENT GARDEN Published December 1914 THE PRUSSIAN OFFICER I They had marched more than thirty kilometres since dawn, along thewhite, hot road where occasional thickets of trees threw a moment ofshade, then out into the glare again. On either hand, the valley, wideand shallow, glittered with heat; dark green patches of rye, pale youngcorn, fallow and meadow and black pine woods spread in a dull, hotdiagram under a glistening sky. But right in front the mountains rangedacross, pale blue and very still, snow gleaming gently out of the deepatmosphere. And towards the mountains, on and on, the regiment marchedbetween the rye fields and the meadows, between the scraggy fruit treesset regularly on either side the high road. The burnished, dark greenrye threw on a suffocating heat, the mountains drew gradually nearerand more distinct. While the feet of the soldiers grew hotter, sweat ranthrough their hair under their helmets, and their knapsacks could burnno more in contact with their shoulders, but seemed instead to give offa cold, prickly sensation. He walked on and on in silence, staring at the mountains ahead, thatrose sheer out of the land, and stood fold behind fold, half earth, halfheaven, the heaven, the banner with slits of soft snow, in the pale, bluish peaks. He could now walk almost without pain. At the start, he had determinednot to limp. It had made him sick to take the first steps, and duringthe first mile or so, he had compressed his breath, and the cold dropsof sweat had stood on his forehead. But he had walked it off. What werethey after all but bruises! He had looked at them, as he was gettingup: deep bruises on the backs of his thighs. And since he had made hisfirst step in the morning, he had been conscious of them, till now hehad a tight, hot place in his chest, with suppressing the pain, andholding himself in. There seemed no air when he breathed. But he walkedalmost lightly. The Captain's hand had trembled at taking his coffee at dawn: hisorderly saw it again. And he saw the fine figure of the Captain wheelingon horseback at the farm-house ahead, a handsome figure in pale blueuniform with facings of scarlet, and the metal gleaming on the blackhelmet and the sword-scabbard, and dark streaks of sweat coming on thesilky bay horse. The orderly felt he was connected with that figuremoving so suddenly on horseback: he followed it like a shadow, muteand inevitable and damned by it. And the officer was always aware of thetramp of the company behind, the march of his orderly among the men. The Captain was a tall man of about forty, grey at the temples. He hada handsome, finely knit figure, and was one of the best horsemen inthe West. His orderly, having to rub him down, admired the amazingriding-muscles of his loins. For the rest, the orderly scarcely noticed the officer any more than henoticed, himself. It was rarely he saw his master's face: he did notlook at it. The Captain had reddish-brown, stilt hair, that he woreshort upon his skull. His moustache was also cut short and bristlyover a full, brutal mouth. His face was rather rugged, the cheeks thin. Perhaps the man was the more handsome for the deep lines in his face, the irritable tension of his brow, which gave him the look of a man whofights with life. His fair eyebrows stood bushy over light blue eyesthat were always flashing with cold fire. He was a Prussian aristocrat, haughty and overbearing. But his motherhad been a Polish Countess. Having made too many gambling debts whenhe was young, he had ruined his prospects in the Army, and remained aninfantry captain. He had never married: his position did not allowof it, and no woman had ever moved him to it. His time he spentriding--occasionally he rode one of his own horses at the races--and atthe officers club. Now and then he took himself a mistress. But aftersuch an event, he returned to duty with his brow still more tense, hiseyes still more hostile and irritable. With the men, however, he wasmerely impersonal, though a devil when roused; so that, on the whole, they feared him, but had no great aversion from him. They accepted himas the inevitable. To his orderly he was at first cold and just and indifferent: he did notfuss over trifles. So that his servant knew practically nothing abouthim, except just what orders he would give, and how he wanted themobeyed. That was quite simple. Then the change gradually came. The orderly was a youth of about twenty-two, of medium height, and wellbuilt. He had strong, heavy limbs, was swarthy, with a soft, black, young moustache. There was something altogether warm and young abouthim. He had firmly marked eyebrows over dark, expressionless eyes, thatseemed never to have thought, only to have received life direct throughhis senses, and acted straight from instinct. Gradually the officer had become aware of his servant's young, vigorous, unconscious presence about him. He could not get away from the sense ofthe youth's person, while he was in attendance. It was like a warm flameupon the older man's tense, rigid body, that had become almost unliving, fixed. There was something so free and sen-contained about him, andsomething in the young fellow s movement, that made the officer awareof him. And this irritated the Prussian. He did not choose to be touchedinto life by his servant. He might easily have changed his man, but hedid not. He now very rarely looked direct at his orderly, but kept hisface averted, as if to avoid seeing him. And yet as the young soldiermoved unthinking about the apartment, the elder watched him, and wouldnotice the movement of his strong young shoulders under the blue cloth, the bend of his neck. And it irritated him. To see the soldier s young, brown, shapely peasant's hand grasp the loaf or the wine-bottle sent aHash of hate or of anger through the elder man's blood. It was not thatthe youth was clumsy: it was rather the blind, instinctive surenessof movement of an unhampered young animal that irritated the officer tosuch a degree. Once, when a bottle of wine had gone over, and the red gushed out on tothe tablecloth, the officer had started up with an oath, and his eyes, bluey like fire, had held those of the confused youth for a moment. It was a shock for the young soldier. He felt some-thing sink deeper, deeper into his soul, where nothing had ever gone before. It left himrather blank and wondering. Some of his natural completeness in himselfwas gone, a little uneasiness took its place. And from that time anundiscovered feeling had held between the two men. Henceforward the orderly was afraid of really meeting his master. Hissubconsciousness remembered those steely blue eyes and the harsh brows, and did not intend to meet them again. So he always stared past hismaster, and avoided him. Also, in a little anxiety, he waited for thethree months to have gone, when his time would be up. He began to feel aconstraint in the Captain's presence, and the soldier even more than theofficer wanted to be left alone, in his neutrality as servant. He had served the Captain for more than a year, and knew his duty. Thishe performed easily, as if it were natural to him. The officer and hiscommands he took for granted, as he took the sun and the rain, and heserved as a matter of course. It did not implicate him personally. But now if he were going to be forced into a personal interchange withhis master he would be like a wild thing caught, he felt he must getaway. But the influence of the young soldier's being had penetrated throughthe officer's stiffened discipline, and perturbed the man in him. He, however, was a gentleman, with long, fine hands and cultivatedmovements, and was not going to allow such a thing as the stirring ofhis innate self. He was a man of passionate temper, who had always kepthimself suppressed. Occasionally there had been a duel, an outburstbefore the soldiers. He knew himself to be always on the point ofbreaking out. But he kept himself hard to the idea of the Service. Whereas the young soldier seemed to live out his warm, full nature, togive it off in his very movements, which had a certain zest, such aswild animals have in free movement. And this irritated the officer moreand more. In spite of himself, the Captain could not regain his neutrality offeeling towards his orderly. Nor could he leave the man alone. In spiteof himself, he watched him, gave him sharp orders, tried to take up asmuch of his time as possible. Sometimes he flew into a rage with theyoung soldier, and bullied him. Then the orderly shut himself off, as itwere out of earshot, and waited, with sullen, flushed face, for theend of the noise. The words never pierced to his intelligence, he madehimself, protectively, impervious to the feelings of his master. He had a scar on his left thumb, a deep seam going across the knuckle. The officer had long suffered from it, and wanted to do something to it. Still it was there, ugly and brutal on the young, brown hand. At lastthe Captain's reserve gave way. One day, as the orderly was smoothingout the tablecloth, the officer pinned down his thumb with a pencil, asking, "How did you come by that?" The young man winced and drew back at attention. "A wood-axe, Herr Hauptmann, " he answered. The officer waited for further explanation. None came. The orderly wentabout his duties. The elder man was sullenly angry. His servant avoidedhim. And the next day he had to use all his willpower to avoid seeingthe scarred thumb. He wanted to get hold of it and---- A hot flame ranin his blood. He knew his servant would soon be free, and would be glad. As yet, thesoldier had held himself off from the elder man. The Captain grew madlyirritable. He could not rest when the soldier was away, and when hewas present, he glared at him with tormented eyes. He hated those fine, black brows over trie unmeaning, dark eyes, he was infuriated by thefree movement of the handsome limbs, which no military discipline couldmake stiff. And he became harsh and cruelly bullying, using contempt andsatire. The young soldier only grew more mute and expressionless. What cattle were you bred by, that you can t keep straight eyes? Lookme in the eyes when I speak to you. And the soldier turned his dark eyes to the other's face, but there wasno sight in them: he stared with the slightest possible cast, holdingback his sight, perceiving the blue of his master's eyes, but receivingno look from them. And the elder man went pale, and his reddish eyebrowstwitched. He gave his order, barrenly. Once he flung a heavy military glove into the young soldier's face. Thenhe had the satisfaction of seeing the black eyes flare up into his own, like a blaze when straw is thrown on a fire. And he had laughed with alittle tremor and a sneer. But there were only two months more. The youth instinctively tried tokeep himself intact: he tried to serve the officer as if the latterwere an abstract authority and not a man. All his instinct was to avoidpersonal contact, even definite hate. But in spite of himself the hategrew, responsive to the officer's passion. However, he put it in thebackground. When he had left the Army he could dare acknowledge it. Bynature he was active, and had many friends. He thought what amazinggood fellows they were. But, without knowing it, he was alone. Now thissolitariness was intensified. It would carry him through his term. Butthe officer seemed to be going irritably insane, and the youth wasdeeply frightened. The soldier had a sweetheart, a girl from the mountains, independent andprimitive. The two walked together, rather silently. He went withher, not to talk, but to have his arm round her, and for the physicalcontact. This eased him, made it easier for him to ignore the Captain;for he could rest with her held fast against his chest. And she, in someunspoken fashion, was there for him. They loved each other. The Captain perceived it, and was mad with irritation. He kept the youngman engaged all the evenings long, and took pleasure in the dark lookthat came on his face. Occasionally, the eyes of the two men met, thoseof the younger sullen and dark, doggedly unalterable, those of the eldersneering with restless contempt. The officer tried hard not to admit the passion that had got hold ofhim. He would not know that his feeling for his orderly was anythingbut that of a man incensed by his stupid, perverse servant. So, keepingquite justified and conventional in his consciousness, he let the otherthing run on. His nerves, however, were suffering. At last he slung theend of a belt in his servant's face. When he saw the youth start back, the pain-tears in his eyes and the blood on his mouth, he had felt atonce a thrill of deep pleasure and of shame. But this, he acknowledged to himself, was a thing he had never donebefore. The fellow was too exasperating. His own nerves must be going topieces. He went away for some days with a woman. It was a mockery of pleasure. He simply did not want the woman. But hestayed on for his time. At the end of it, he came back in an agony ofirritation, torment, and misery. He rode all the evening, then camestraight in to supper. His orderly was out. The officer sat with hislong, fine hands lying on the table, perfectly still, and all his bloodseemed to be corroding. At last his servant entered. He watched the strong, easy young figure, the fine eyebrows, the thick black hair. In a week's time the youthhad got back his old well-being. The hands of the officer twitched andseemed to be full of mad flame. The young man stood at attention, unmoving, shut on. The meal went in silence. But the orderly seemed eager. He made aclatter with the dishes. "Are you in a hurry?" asked the officer, watching the intent, warm faceof his servant. The other did not reply. "Will you answer my question?" said the Cap-tam. "Yes, sir, " replied the orderly, standing with his pile of deep Armyplates. The Captain waited, looked at him, then asked again: "Are youin a hurry? "Yes, sir, " came the answer, that sent a flash through the listener. "For whaat?" "I was going out, sir. " "I want you this evening. " Therewas a moment's hesitation. The officer had a curious stiffness ofcountenance. "Yes, sir, " replied the servant, in his throat. "I want you to-morrowevening also--in fact, you may consider your evenings occupied, unless Igive you leave. " The mouth with the young moustache set close. "Yes, sir, " answered theorderly, loosening his lips for a moment. He again turned to the door. "And why have you a piece of pencil in your ear?" The orderly hesitated, then continued on his way without answering. Heset the plates in a pile outside the door, took the stump of pencil fromhis ear, and put it in his pocket. He had been copying a verse for hissweetheart's birthday card. He returned to finish clearing the table. The officer's eyes were dancing, he had a little, eager smile. "Why have you a piece of pencil in your ear?" he asked. The orderly took his hands full of dishes. His master was standingnear the great green stove, a little smile on his face, his chin thrustforward. When the young soldier saw him his heart suddenly ran hot. Hefelt blind. Instead of answering, he turned dazedly to the door. As hewas crouching to set down the dishes, he was pitched forward by a kickfrom behind. The pots went in a stream down the stairs, he clung tothe pillar of the banisters. And as he was rising he was kicked heavilyagain, and again, so that he clung sickly to the post for some moments. His master had gone swiftly into the room and closed the door. Themaid-servant downstairs looked up the staircase and made a mocking faceat the crockery disaster. The officer's heart was plunging. He poured himself a glass of wine, part of which he spilled on the floor, and gulped the remainder, leaningagainst the cool, green stove. He heard his man collecting the dishesfrom the stairs. Pale, as if intoxicated, he waited. The servant enteredagain. The Captain's heart gave a pang, as of pleasure, seeing the youngfellow bewildered and uncertain on his feet, with pain. "Schöner!" he said. The soldier was a little slower in coming to attention. "Yes, sir!" The youth stood before him, with pathetic young moustache, and fine eyebrows very distinct on his forehead of dark marble. "I askedyou a question. " "Yes, sir. " The officer's tone bit like acid. "Why had you a pencil inyour ear?" Again the servant's heart ran hot, and he could not breathe. With dark, strained eyes, he looked at the officer, as if fascinated. And he stoodthere sturdily planted, unconscious. The withering smile came into trieCaptain's eyes, and he lifted his foot. "I---I forgot it--sir, " pantedthe soldier, his dark eyes fixed on the other man's dancing blue ones. "What was it doing there?" He saw the young man's breast heaving as he made an effort for words. "I had been writing. " "Writing what?" Again the soldier looked him up and down. The officer could hear himpanting. The smile came into the blue eyes. The soldier worked his drythroat, but could not speak. Suddenly the smile lit like a name on theofficer's face, and a kick came heavily against the orderly's thigh. Theyouth moved a pace sideways. His face went dead, with two black, staringeyes. "Well?" said the officer. The orderly's mouth had gone dry, and his tongue rubbed in it as ondry brown-paper. He worked his throat. The officer raised his foot. Theservant went stiff. "Some poetry, sir, " came the crackling, unrecognizable sound of hisvoice. "Poetry, what poetry?" asked the Captain, with a sickly smile. Again there was the working in the throat. The Captain's heart hadsuddenly gone down heavily, and he stood sick and tired. "For my girl, sir, " he heard the dry, inhuman sound. "Oh!" he said, turning away. "Clear the table. " "Click!" went the soldier's throat; then again, "click!" and then thehail-articulate: "Yes, sir. " The young soldier was gone, looking old, and walking heavily. The officer, left alone, held himself rigid, to prevent himself fromthinking. His instinct warned him that he must not think. Deep insidehim was the intense gratification of his passion, still workingpowerfully. Then there was a counter-action, a horrible breaking down ofsomething inside him, a whole agony of reaction. He stood there for anhour motionless, a chaos of sensations, but rigid with a will to keepblank his consciousness, to prevent his mind grasping. And he heldhimself so until the worst of the stress had passed, when he began todrink, drank himself to an intoxication, till he slept obliterated. Whenhe woke in the morning he was shaken to the base of his nature. But hehad fought off the realization of what he had done. He had prevented hismind from taking it in, had suppressed, it along with his instincts, and the conscious man had nothing to do with it. He felt only as after about of intoxication, weak, but the affair itself all dim and not tobe recovered. Of the drunkenness of his passion he successfully refusedremembrance. And when his orderly appeared with coffee, the officerassumed the same self he had had the morning before. He refused theevent of the past night--denied it had ever been--and was successfulin his denial. He had not done any such thing--not he himself. Whateverthere might be lay at the door of a stupid, insubordinate servant. The orderly had gone about in a stupor all the evening. He drank somebeer because he was parched, but not much, the alcohol made his feelingcome back, and he could not bear it. He was dulled, as if nine-tenths ofthe ordinary man in him were inert. He crawled about disfigured. Still, when he thought of the kicks, he went sick, and when he thought of thethreat of more kicking, in the room afterwards, his heart went hot andfaint, and he panted, remembering the one that had come. He had beenforced to say, "For my girl. " He was much too done even to want tocry. His mouth hung slightly open, like an idiot's. He felt vacant, and wasted. So, he wandered at his work, painfully, and very slowly andclumsily, fumbling blindly with the brushes, and finding it difficult, when he sat down, to summon the energy to move again. His limbs, hisjaw, were slack and nerveless. But he was very tired. He got to bed atlast, and slept inert, relaxed, in a sleep that was rather stuporthan slumber, a dead night of stupefaction shot through with gleams ofanguish. In the morning were the manoeuvres. But he woke even before the buglesounded. The painful ache in his chest, the dryness of his throat, theawful steady feeling of misery made his eyes come awake and dreary atonce. He knew, without thinking, what had happened. And he knew that theday had come again, when he must go on with his round. The last bit ofdarkness was being pushed out of the room. He would have to move hisinert body and go on. He was so young, and had known so little trouble, that he was bewildered. He only wished it would stay night, so thathe could lie still, covered up by the darkness. And yet nothing wouldprevent the day from coming, nothing would save him from having to getup and saddle the Captain's horse, and make the Captain's coffee. Itwas there, inevitable. And then, he thought, it was impossible. Yet theywould not leave him free. He must go and take the coffee to theCaptain. He was too stunned to understand it. He only knew it wasinevitable--inevitable however long he lay inert. At last, after heaving at himself, for he seemed to be a mass ofinertia, he got up. But he had to force every one of his movements frombehind, with his will. He felt lost, and dazed, and helpless. Thenhe clutched hold of the bed, the pain was so keen. And looking at histhighs, he saw the darker bruises on his swarthy flesh and he knew that, if he pressed one of his fingers on one of the bruises, he should faint. But he did not want to faint---he did not want anybody to know. No oneshould ever know. It was between him and the Captain. There were onlythe two people in the world now--himself and the Captain. Slowly, economically, he got dressed and forced himself to walk. Everything was obscure, except just what he had his hands on. But hemanaged to get through his work. The very pain revived his dull senses. The worst remained yet. He took the tray and went up to the Captain'sroom. The officer, pale and heavy, sat at the table. The orderly, as hesaluted, felt himself put out of existence. He stood still for a momentsubmitting to his own nullification, then he gathered himself, seemed toregain himself, and then the Captain began to grow vague, unreal, andthe younger soldier's heart beat up. He clung to this situation--thatthe Captain did not exist--so that he himself might live. But when hesaw his officer's hand tremble as he took the coffee, he felt everythingfalling shattered. And he went away, feeling as if he himself werecoming to pieces, disintegrated. And when the Captain was there onhorseback, giving orders, while he himself stood, with rifle andknapsack, sick with pain, he felt as if he must shut his eyes--as if hemust shut his eyes on everything. It was only the long agony of marchingwith a parched throat that filled him with one single, sleep-heavyintention: to save himself. II He was getting used even to his parched throat. That the snowy peakswere radiant among the sky, that the whity-green glacier-rivertwisted through its pale shoals, in the valley below, seemed almostsupernatural. But he was going mad with fever and thirst. He plodded onuncomplaining. He did not want to speak, not to anybody. There were twogulls, like flakes of water and snow, over the river. The scent of greenrye soaked in sunshine came like a sickness. And the march continued, monotonously, almost like a bad sleep. At the next farm-house, which stood low and broad near the high road, tubs of water had been put out. The soldiers clustered round to drink. They took off their helmets, and the steam mounted from their wet hair. Captain sat on horseback, watching. He needed to see his orderly. His hel-met threw a dark shadow over his light, fierce eyes, but hismoustache and mouth and chin were distinct in the sunshine. The orderlymust move under the presence of the figure of the horseman. It was notthat he was afraid, or cowed. It was as if he was disembowllled, made empty, like an empty shell. He felt himself as nothing, a shadowcreeping under the sunshine. And, thirsty as he was, he could scarcelydrink, feeling the Captain near him. He would not take off his helmetto wipe his wet hair. He wanted to stay in shadow, not to be forced intoconsciousness. Starting, he saw the light heel of the officer prickthe belly of the horse; the Captain cantered away, and he himself couldrelapse into vacancy. Nothing, however, could give him back his living place in the hot, bright morning. He felt like a gap among it all. Whereas the Captain wasprouder, overriding. A hot flash went through the young servant's body. The Captain was firmer and prouder with life, he himself was empty as ashadow. Again the flash went through him, dazing him out. But his heartran a little firmer. The company turned up the hill, to make a loop for the return. Below, from among the trees, the farm-bell clanged. He saw the labourers, mowing barefoot at the thick grass, leave off their work and godownhill, their scythes hanging over their shoulders, like long, brightclaws curving down behind them. They seemed like dream-people, as ifthey had no relation to himself. He felt as in a blackish dream: as ifall the other things were there and had form, but he himself was only aconsciousness, a gap that could think and perceive. The soldiers were tramping silently up the glaring hillside. Graduallyhis head began to revolve, slowly, rhythmically. Sometimes it was darkbefore his eyes, as if he saw this world through a smoked glass, frailshadows and unreal. It gave him a pain in his head to walk. The air was too scented, it gave no breath. All the lush green-stuffseemed to be issuing its sap, till the air was deathly, sickly with thesmell of greenness. There was the perfume of clover, like pure honey andbees. Then there grew a faint acrid tang--they were near the beeches;and then a queer clattering noise, and a suffocating, hideous smell;they were passing a flock of sheep, a shepherd in a black smock, holdinghis crook. Why should the sheep huddle together under this fierce sun. He felt that the shepherd would not see him, though he could see theshepherd. At last there was the halt. They stacked rifles in a conical stack, putdown their kit in a scattered circle around it, and dispersed a little, sitting on a small knoll high on the hillside. The chatter began. Thesoldiers were steaming with heat, but were lively. He sat still, seeingthe blue mountains rising upon the land, twenty kilometres away. Therewas a blue fold in the ranges, then out of that, at the foot, thebroad, pale bed of the river, stretches of whity-green water betweenpinkish-grey shoals among the dark pine woods. There it was, spread outa long way off. And it seemed to come downhill, the river. There wasa raft being steered, a mile away. It was a strange country. Nearer, a red-roofed, broad farm with white base and square dots of windowscrouched beside the wall of beech foliage on the wood's edge. There werelong strips of rye and clover and pale green corn. And just at his feet, below the knoll, was a darkish bog, where globe flowers stood breathlessstill on their slim stalks. And some of the pale gold bubbles wereburst, and a broken fragment hung in the air. He thought he was going tosleep. Suddenly something moved into this coloured mirage before his eyes. TheCaptain, a small, light-blue and scarlet figure, was trotting evenlybetween the strips of corn, along the level brow of the hill. Andthe man making flag-signals was coming on. Proud and sure moved thehorseman's figure, the quick, bright thing, in which was concentratedall the light of this morning, which for the rest lay a fragile, shiningshadow. Submissive, apathetic, the young soldier sat and stared. Butas the horse slowed to a walk, coming up the last steep path, the greatflash flared over the body and soul of the orderly. He sat waiting. Theback of his head felt as if it were weighted with a heavy piece of fire. He did not want to eat. His hands trembled slightly as he moved them. Meanwhile the officer on horseback was approaching slowly and proudly. The tension grew in the orderly's soul. Then again, seeing the Captainease himself on the saddle, the flash blazed through him. The Captain looked at the patch of light blue and scarlet, and darkhead's, scattered closely on the hillside. It pleased him. The commandpleased him. And he was feeling proud. His orderly was among them incommon subjection. The officer rose a little on his stirrups to look. The young soldier sat with averted, dumb face. The Captain relaxed onhis seat. His slim-legged, beautiful horse, brown as a beech nut, walked proudly uphill. The Captain passed into the zone of the company'satmosphere: a hot smell of men, of sweat, of leather. He knew it verywell. After a word with the lieutenant, he went a few paces higher, andsat there, a dominant figure, his sweat-marked horse swishing its tail, while he looked down on his men, on his orderly, a nonentity among thecrowd. The young soldier's heart was like fire in his chest, and he breathedwith difficulty. The officer, looking downhill, saw three of the youngsoldiers, two pails of water between them, staggering across a sunnygreen field. A table had been set up under a tree, and there the slimlieutenant stood, importantly busy. Then the Captain summoned himself toan act of courage. He called his orderly. The name leapt into the young soldier's throat as he heard, the command, and he rose blindly, stifled. He saluted, standing below the officer. Hedid not look up. But there was the flicker in the Captain's voice. "Go to the inn and fetch me. .. " the officer gave his commands. "Quick !"he added. At the last word, the heart of the servant leapt with a flash, andhe felt the strength come over his body. But he turned in mechanicalobedience, and set on at a heavy run downhill, looking almost like abear, his trousers bagging over his military boots. And the officerwatched this blind, plunging run all the way. But it was only the outside of the orderly's body that was obeying sohumbly and mechanically. Inside had gradually accumulated a core intowhich all the energy of that young life was compact and concentrated. He executed his commisssion, and plodded quickly back uphill. There wasa pain in his head, as he walked, that made him twist his featuresunknowingly. But hard there in the centre of his chest was himself, himself, firm, and not to be plucked to pieces. The captain had gone up into the wood. The orderly plodded through thehot, powerfully smelling zone of the company's atmosphere. He had acurious mass of energy inside him now. The Captain was less real thanhimself. . He approached the green entrance to the wood. There, in thehalf-shade, he saw the horse standing, the sunshine and the tuckeringshadow of leaves dancing over his brown body. There was a clearing wheretimber had lately been felled. Here, in the gold-green shade beside thebrilliant cup of sunshine, stood two figures, blue and pink, the bits ofpink showing out plainly. The Captain was talking to his lieutenant. The orderly stood on the edge of the bright clearing, where greattrunks of trees, stripped and glistening, lay stretched like naked, brown-skinned bodies. Chips of wood littered the trampled floor, likesplashed light, and the bases of the felled trees stood here and there, with their raw, level tops. Beyond was the brilliant, sunlit green of abeech. "Then I will ride forward, " the orderly heard his Captain say. Thelieutenant saluted and strode away. He himself went forward. A hot flashpassed through his belly, as he tramped towards his officer. The Captain watched the rather heavy figure of the young soldier stumbleforward, and his veins, too, ran hot. This was to be man to man betweenthem. He yielded before the solid, stumbling figure with bent head. Theorderly stooped and put the food on a level-sawn tree-base. The Captainwatched the glistening, sun-inflamed, naked hands. He wanted to speak tothe young soldier, but could not. The servant propped a bottle againsthis thigh, pressed open the cork, and poured out the beer into the mug. He kept his head bent. The Captain accepted the mug. "Hot!" he said, as if amiably. The flame sprang out of the orderly's heart, nearly suffocating mm. "Yes, sir, " he replied, between shut teeth. And he heard the sound of the Captain's drinking, and he clenched hisfists, such a strong torment came into his wrists. Then came the faintclang of the closing of the pot-lid. He looked up. The Captain waswatching him. He glanced swiftly away. Then he saw the officer stoop andtake a piece of bread from the tree-base. Again the flash of flame wentthrough the young soldier, seeing the stiff body stoop beneath him, andhis hands jerked. He looked away. He could feel the officer was nervous. The bread fell as it was being broken The officer ate the other piece. The two men stood tense and still, the master laboriously chewing hisbread, the servant staring with averted face, his fist clenched. Then the young soldier started. The officer had pressed open the lidof the mug again. The orderly watched the lid of the mug, and the whitehand that clenched the handle, as if he were fascinated. It was raised. The youth followed it with his eyes. And then he saw the thin, strongthroat of the elder man moving up and down as he drank, the strong jawworking. And the instinct which had been jerking at the young man'swrists suddenly jerked free. He jumped, feeling as if it were rent intwo by a strong flame. The spur of the officer caught in a tree-root, he went down backwardswith a crash, the middle of his back thudding sickeningly againsta sharp-edged tree-base, the pot flying away. And in a second theorderly, with serious, earnest young face, and under-lip between histeeth, had got his knee in the officer's chest and was pressing the chinbackward over the farther edge of the tree-stump, pressing, with all hisheart behind in a passion of relief, the tension of his wrists exquisitewith relief. And with the base of his palms he shoved at the chin, withall his might. And it was pleasant, too, to have that chin, that hardjaw already slightly rough with beard, in his hands. He did not relaxone hair's breadth, but, all the force of all his blood exulting inhis thrust, he shoved back the head of the other man, till there was alittle cluck and a crunching sensation. Then he felt as if his head wentto vapour. Heavy convulsions shook the body of the officer, frighteningand horrifying the young soldier. Yet it pleased him, too, to repressthem. It pleased him to keep his hands pressing back the chin, to feelthe chest of the other man yield in expiration to the weight of hisstrong, young knees, to feel the hard twitchings of the prostrate bodyjerking his own whole frame, which was pressed down on it. But it went still. He could look into the nostrils of the other man, the eyes he could scarcely see. How curiously the mouth was pushed out, exaggerating the full lips, and the moustache bristling up from them. Then, with a start, he noticed the nostrils gradually filled with blood. The red brimmed, hesitated, ran over, and went in a thin trickle downthe face to the eyes. It shocked and distressed him. Slowly, he got up. The body twitched andsprawled there, inert. He stood and looked at it in silence. It was apity it was broken. It represented more than the thing which had kickedand bullied him. He was afraid to look at the eyes. They were hideousnow, only the whites showing, and the blood running to them. The face ofthe orderly was drawn with horror at the sight. Will, it was so. In hisheart he was satisfied. He had hated the face of the Captain. It wasextinguished now. There was a heavy relief in the orderly's soul. Thatwas as it should be. But he could not bear to see the long, militarybody lying broken over the tree-base, the fine fingers crisped. Hewanted to hide it away. Quickly, busily, he gathered it up and pushed it under the felledtree-trunks, which rested their beautiful, smooth length either end onlogs. The face was horrible with blood. He covered it with the helmet. Then he pushed the limbs straight and decent, and brushed the deadleaves off the fine cloth of the uniform. So, it lay quite still in theshadow under there. A little strip of sunshine ran along the breast, from a chink between the logs. The orderly sat by it for a few moments. Here his own life also ended. Then, through his daze, he heard the lieutenant, in a loud voice, explaining to the men outside the wood, that they were to suppose thebridge on the river below was held by the enemy. Now they were to marchto the attack in such and such a manner. The lieutenant had no gift ofexpression. The orderly, listening from habit, got muddled. And when thelieutenant began it all again he ceased to hear. He knew he must go. Hestood up. It surprised him that the leaves were glittering in the sun, and the chips of wood reflecting white from the ground. For him a changehad come over the world. But for the rest it had not--all seemed thesame. Only he had left it. And he could not go back, It was his duty toreturn with the beer-pot and the bottle. He could not. He had left allthat. The lieutenant was still hoarsely explaining. He must go, or theywould, overtake him. And he could not bear contact with anyone now. He drew his fingers over his eyes, trying to find out where he was. Thenhe turned away. He saw the horse standing in the path. He went up to itand mounted. It hurt him to sit in the saddle. The pain of keeping hisseat occupied him as they cantered through the wood. He would not haveminded anything, but he could not get away from the sense of beingdivided from the others. The path led out of the trees. On the edge ofthe wood he pulled up and stood watching. There in the spacious sunshineof the valley soldiers were moving in a little swarm. Every now and then, a man harrowing on a strip of fallow shouted to his oxen, at the turn. The village and the white-towered church was small in the sunshine. Andhe no longer belonged to it--he sat there, beyond, like a man outsidein the dark. He had gone out from everyday life into the unknown, and hecould not, he even did not want to go back. Turning from the sun-blazing valley, he rode deep into the wood. Tree-trunks, like people standing grey and still, took no notice as hewent. A doe, herself a moving bit of sunshine and shadow, went runningthrough the flecked shade. There were bright green rents in the foliage. Then it was all pine wood, dark and cool. And he was sick with pain, he had an intolerable great pulse in his head, and he was sick. He hadnever been ill in his life, he felt lost, quite dazed with all this. Trying to get down from the horse, he fell, astonished at the pain andhis lack of balance. The horse shifted uneasily. He jerked its bridleand sent it cantering jerkily away. It was his last connection with therest of things. But he only wanted to lie down and not be disturbed. Stumbling throughthe trees, he came on a quiet place where beeches and pine trees grewon a slope. Immediately he had lain down and closed his eyes, hisconsciousness went racing on without him. A big pulse of sickness beatin him as if it throbbed through the whole earth. He was burning withdry heat. But he was too busy, too tearingly active in the incoherentrace of delirium to observe. III He came to with a start. His mouth was dry and hard, his heart beatheavily, but he had not the energy to get up. His heart beat heavily. Where was he?--the barracks--at home? There was something knocking. And, making an effort, he looked round--trees, and litter of greenery, and reddish, night, still pieces of sunshine on the floor. He did notbelieve he was himself, he did not believe what he saw. Something wasknocking. He made a struggle towards consciousness, but relapsed. Then he struggled again. And gradually his surroundings fell intorelationship with himself. He knew, and a great pang of fear wentthrough his heart. Somebody was knocking. He could see the heavy, blackrags of a fir tree overhead. Then everything went black. Yet he did notbelieve he had closed his eyes. He had not. Out of the blackness sightslowly emerged again. And someone was knocking. Quickly, he saw theblood-disgfigured face of his Captain, which he hated. And he heldhimself still with horror. Yet, deep inside him, he knew that it was so, the Captain should be dead. But the physical delirium got hold of him. Someone was knocking. He lay perfectly still, as if dead, with fear. Andhe went unconscious. When he opened his eyes again, he started, seeing something creepingswiftly up a tree-trunk. It was a little bird. And the bird waswhistling overhead. Tap-tap-tap----it was the small, quick bird rappingthe tree-trunk with its beak, as if its head were a little round hammer. He watched it curiously. It shifted sharply, in its creeping fashion. Then, like a mouse, it slid down the bare trunk. Its swift creeping senta flash of revulsion through him. He raised his head. It felt a greatweight. Then, the little bird ran out of the shadow across a still patchof sunshine, its little head bobbing swiftly, its white legs twinklingbrightly for a moment. How neat it was in its build, so compact, withpieces of white on its wings. There were several of them. They were sopretty--but they crept like swift, erratic mice, running here and thereamong the beech-mast. He lay down again exhausted, and his consciousness lapsed. He had ahorror of the little creeping birds. All his blood seemed to be dartingand creeping in his head. And yet he could not move. He came to with a further ache of exhaustion. There was the pain in hishead, and the horrible sickness, and his inability to move. He hadnever been ill in his life. He did not know where he was or what hewas. Probably he had got sunstroke. Or what else?--he had silenced theCaptain for ever--some time ago--oh, a long time ago. There had beenblood on his face, and his eyes had turned upwards. It was all right, somehow. It was peace. But now he had got beyond himself. He had neverbeen here before. Was it life, or not life? He was by himself. Theywere in a big, bright place, those others, and he was outside. The town, all the country, a big bright place of light: and he was outside, here, in the darkened open beyond, where each thing existed alone. But theywould all have to come out there sometime, those others. Little, andleft behind him, they all were. There had been father and mother andsweetheart. What did they all matter? This was the open land. He sat up. Something scuffled. It was a little, brown squirrel runningin lovely, undulating bounds over the floor, its red tail completing theundulation of its body--and then, as it sat up, furling and unfurling. He watched it, pleased. It ran on friskily, enjoying itself. It flewwildly at another squirrel, and they were chasing each other, and makinglittle scolding, chattering noises. The soldier wanted to speak to them. But only a hoarse sound came out of his throat. The squirrels burstaway--they flew up the trees. And then he saw the one peeping round athim, half-way up a tree-trunk. A start of fear went through him, though, in so far as he was conscious, he was amused. It still stayed, itslittle, keen face staring at him halfway up the tree-trunk, its littleears pricked up, its clawey little hands clinging to the bark, its whitebreast reared. He started from it in panic. Struggling to his feet, he lurched away. He went on walking, walking, looking for something for a drink. His brain felt hot and inflamed forwant of water. He stumbled on. Then he did not know anything. He wentunconscious as he walked. Yet he stumbled on, his mouth open. When, to his dumb wonder, he opened his eyes on the world again, heno longer tried to remember what it was. There was thick, golden lightbehind golden-green glitterings, and tall, grey-purple shafts, anddarknesses further off, surrounding him, growing deeper. He wasconscious of a sense of arrival. He was amid the reality, on the real, dark bottom. But there was the thirst burning in his brain. He feltlighter, not so heavy. He supposed it was newness. The air was muttering with thunder. He thought he was walkingwonderfully swiftly and was coming straight to relief---or was it towater? Suddenly he stood still with fear. There was a tremendous flare of gold, immense--just a few dark trunks like bars between him and it. All theyoung level wheat was burnished gold glaring on its silky green. Awoman, full-skirted, a black cloth on her head for head-dress, waspassing like a block of shadow through the glistening, green corn, intothe full glare. There was a farm, too, pale blue in shadow, and thetimber black. And there was a church spire, nearly fused away in thegold. The woman moved on, away from him. He had no language with whichto speak to her. She was the bright, solid unreality. She would make anoise of words that would confuse him, and her eyes would look at himwithout seeing him. She was crossing there to the other side. He stoodagainst a tree. When at last he turned, looking down the long, bare grove whose flat bedwas already filling dark, he saw the mountains in a wonder-light, notfar away, and radiant. Behind the soft, grey ridge of the nearest rangethe further mountains stood golden and pale grey, the snow all radiantlike pure, soft gold. So still, gleaming in the sky, fashioned pure outof the ore of the sky, they shone in their silence. He stood and lookedat them, his face illuminated. And like the golden, lustrous gleamingof the snow he felt his own thirst bright in him. He stood and gazed, leaning against a tree. And then everything slid away into space. During the night the lightning fluttered perpetually, making the wholesky white. He must have walked again. The world hung livid round him formoments, fields a level sheen of grey-green light, trees in dark bulk, and the range of clouds black across a white sky. Then the darknessfell like a shutter, and the night was whole. A faint mutter of ahalf-revealed world, that could not quite leap out of thedarkness!--Then there again stood a sweep of pallor for the land, darkshapes looming, a range of clouds hanging overhead. The world was aghostly shadow, thrown for a moment upon the pure darkness, whichreturned ever whole and complete. And the mere delirium of sickness and fever went on inside him--hisbrain opening and shutting like the night--then sometimes convulsions ofterror from something with great eyes that stared round a tree--thenthe long agony of the march, and the sun decomposing his blood-thenthe pang of hate for the Captain, followed, by a pang of tenderness andease. But everything was distorted born of an ache and resolving into anache. In the morning he came definitely awake. Then his brain flamed withthe sole horror of thirstiness! The sun was on his face, the dew wassteaming from his wet clothes. Like one possessed, he got up. There, straight in front of him, blue and cool and tender, the mountains rangedacross the pale edge of the morning sky. He wanted them--he wanted themalone--he wanted to leave himself and be identified with them. They didnot move, they were still and soft, with white, gentle markings of snow. He stood still, mad with suffering, his hands crisping and clutching. Then he was twisting in a paroxysm on the grass. He lay still, in a kind of dream of anguish. His thirst seemed to haveseparated itself from him, and to stand apart, a single demand. Thenthe pain he felt was another single self. Then there was the clog of hisbody, another separate thing. He was divided among all kinds of separatebeings. There was some strange, agonized connection between them, butthey were drawing further apart. Then they would all split. The sun, drilling down on him, was drilling through the bond. Then they wouldall fall, fall through the everasting lapse of space. Then again, hisconsciousness reasserted itself. He roused on to his elbow and staredat the gleaming mountains. There they ranked, all still and wonderfulbetween earth and heaven. He stared till his eyes went black, and themountains, as they stood in their beauty, so clean and cool, seemed tohave it, that which was lost in him. IV When the soldiers found him, three hours later, he was lying with hisface over his arm, his black hair giving off heat under the sun. But hewas still alive. Seeing the open, black mouth the young soldiers droppedhim in horror. He died in the hospital at night, without having seen again. The doctors saw the bruises on his legs, behind, and were silent. The bodies of the two men lay together, side by side, in the mortuary, the one white and slender, but laid rigidly at rest, the other lookingas if every moment it must rouse into life again, so young and unused, from a slumber.