+-------------------------------------------------------------+|Transcriber's Note: This book is a compilation of previously ||published works and therefore contains some inconsistencies. |+-------------------------------------------------------------+

BOHN'S STANDARD LIBRARY

 * * * * *

THE PROSE WORKS OF JONATHAN SWIFT

VOL. VII

LONDON: GEORGE BELL AND SONSPORTUGAL ST. LINCOLN'S INN, W. C. CAMBRIDGE: DEIGHTON, BELL & CO. NEW YORK: THE MACMILLAN CO. BOMBAY: A. H. WHEELER & CO. 

_In 12 volumes, 5s. Each. _

~THE PROSE WORKS~

OF

~JONATHAN SWIFT, D. D. ~

EDITED BY

~TEMPLE SCOTT~

 VOL. I. A TALE OF A TUB AND OTHER EARLY WORKS. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With a biographical introduction by W. E. H. LECKY, M. P. With Portrait and Facsimiles. 

 VOL. II. THE JOURNAL TO STELLA. Edited by FREDERICK RYLAND, M. A. With two Portraits of Stella and a Facsimile of one of the Letters. 

 VOLS. III. & IV. WRITINGS ON RELIGION AND THE CHURCH. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With Portraits and Facsimiles of Title-pages. 

 VOL. V. HISTORICAL AND POLITICAL TRACTS--ENGLISH. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With Portrait and Facsimiles of Title-pages. 

 VOL. VI. THE DRAPIER'S LETTERS. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With Portrait, Reproductions of Wood's Coinage, and Facsimiles of Title-pages. 

 VOL. VII. HISTORICAL AND POLITICAL TRACTS--IRISH. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With Portrait and Facsimiles of Title-pages. 

 VOL. VIII. GULLIVER'S TRAVELS. Edited by G. RAVENSCROFT DENNIS. With Portrait, Maps and Facsimiles. 

 VOL. IX. CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE "EXAMINER, " "TATLER, " "SPECTATOR, " &c. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With Portrait. 

 VOL. X. HISTORICAL WRITINGS. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With Portrait. 

 VOL. XI. LITERARY ESSAYS. Edited by TEMPLE SCOTT. With Portrait. [_In the press. _

 VOL. XII. FULL BIBLIOGRAPHY AND INDEX TO COMPLETE WORKS. Together with an Essay on the Portraits of Swift, by the HON. SIR FREDERICK FALKINER, K. C. With two Portraits. [_In the press. _

SOME PRESS OPINIONS

 "An adequate edition of Swift--the whole of Swift, and nothing but Swift--has long been one of the pressing needs of students of English literature. Mr. Temple Scott, who is preparing the new edition of Swift's Prose Works, has begun well, his first volume is marked by care and knowledge. He has scrupulously collated his texts with the first or the best early editions, and has given various readings in the footnotes.... Mr. Temple Scott may well be congratulated on his skill and judgment as a commentator.... He has undoubtedly earned the gratitude of all admirers of our greatest satirist, and all students of vigorous, masculine, and exact English. "--_Athenĉum. _

 "The volume is an agreeable one to hold and to refer to, and the notes and apparatus are, on the whole, exact. A cheap and handy reprint, which we can conscientiously recommend. "--_Saturday Review. _

 "From the specimen now before us we may safely predict that Mr. Temple Scott will easily distance both Roscoe and Scott. He deserves the gratitude of all lovers of literature for enabling Swift again to make his bow to the world in so satisfactory and complete a garb. "--_Manchester Guardian. _

 "Mr. Temple Scott's introductions and notes are excellent in all respects, and this edition of Swift is likely to be one most acceptable to scholars. "--_Notes and Queries. _

 "The new Bohn's Library edition of the prose works of Jonathan Swift is a venture which proves itself the more welcome as each instalment is issued.... This edition is likely long to remain the standard edition. "--_Literary World. _

 "'Bohn's Libraries' need no push, and the magnificent edition of 'The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, ' edited by Mr. Temple Scott, is in every respect worthy of that great collection of classics. It is an ideal edition, edited by an ideal editor, beautifully printed, handsomely bound, and ridiculously cheap. I have no hesitation in saying that this edition supersedes all its forerunners. "--_Star. _

 "We have nothing but praise for the editing, annotating, printing, and general production. Indeed, now that the set has advanced so far, we can safely pronounce the opinion that all other editions of Swift must give place to it, and that no serious student of the politics of the eighteenth century can afford to be without these volumes.... A superb edition. "--_Irish Times. _

 "Edited with exhaustive care, and produced in excellent style. This is not only the best, it is the _only_ edition of Swift. "--_Pall Mall Gazette. _

 "There could hardly be a more acceptable addition to Bohn's Standard Library than a new edition of Swift's Prose Works. The text is well printed, and the volume is of convenient size. The edition deserves to be popular, since Swift is a writer who will always be read, while this edition will bring him within reach of a number of new readers. "--_Scotsman. _

 "The time is now ripe for a definite edition. This, of which the first volume lies before us, promises to fulfil all the conditions of a scholarly and satisfying work.... The edition is a genuine gain to English literature. "--_Birmingham Post. _

 "The publishers of Bohn's Libraries will earn the thanks of a wide circle of readers by their undertaking to produce a popular and collected edition of the prose works of Swift.... So far as one may judge from a first instalment, the present edition seems to fulfil the requirements of popularity and accuracy as well as could be desired.... The edition promises to be one of the most valuable and welcome items in those classic 'Libraries' which have done so much to bring good literature, in worthy form, within the reach of the British public. "--_Glasgow Herald. _

 "We are indebted to the proprietors of the Bohn Libraries for various literary enterprises, but it is questionable indeed if they have issued lately a work more acceptable, or likely to become more popular, than 'The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift. ' No better edition of it could be desired. Mr. Temple Scott is editing the volumes with the greatest care. "--_Belfast News Letter. _

 "No more welcome reprint has appeared for some time past than the new edition, complete and exact so far as it was possible to make it, of Swift's 'Journal to Stella. '"--_Morning Post. _

 "By far the most satisfactory text yet printed of the wonderful 'Journal to Stella. '"--_Newcastle Daily Chronicle. _

 "The 'Journal to Stella' has long stood in need of editing, far more than any other of Swift's works. It abounds in references to persons great and small, to political and social 'occurrents, ' to ephemeral publications; and to identify and explain all these demands an editor steeped in the history, literature, broadsides and press news of the time of the Harley administration. Mr. Ryland's present edition will satisfy all but the few who dream of an ideal. "--_Athenĉum. _

 "The immortal 'Journal to Stella, ' one of the works most indispensable to a knowledge of the life and literature of the early part of the eighteenth century. We know of no shape in which the Journal is published so convenient for perusal as this. The notes are short and serviceable, and there is a full index. "--_Notes and Queries. _

 "At last we have a well-printed, carefully edited text of Swift's famous Journal in a single, handy, and cheap volume. The present edition will, we hope, encourage many timid souls, who have been awed by the formidable array of Scott, Sheridan, or Hawkesworth's editions, to make the acquaintance of the most interesting, charming, and tender journal that ever man kept for a woman's eye. "--_St. James's Gazette. _

 "Mr. Dennis is quite justified in his boast of now first giving us a complete and trustworthy text [of 'Gulliver's Travels']. "--_Manchester Guardian. _

 "The number of useless reprints of Gulliver, based on Hawkesworth's untrustworthy edition, and mostly expurgated besides, is so great that we owe double thanks to Mr. Dennis, since he has not shirked the trouble of collating the five earliest editions, and has given us again at last--as far as is possible in the present case--the complete and authentic text of the original. "--PROF. MAX FÖRSTER in _Anglia_. 

 "An ideal text of 'Gulliver's Travels. '"--_Literary World. _

 "The best and most scholarly edition of 'Gulliver's Travels. '"--_University Correspondent. _

 * * * * *

[Illustration: _Jonathan Swift_

_From an engraving by Andrew Miller after the painting by Francis Bindonin the Deanery of St. Patrick's Dublin. _]

THE PROSE WORKS

OF

JONATHAN SWIFT, D. D. 

EDITED BY

TEMPLE SCOTT. 

VOL. VII

HISTORICAL AND POLITICAL TRACTS--IRISH

LONDONGEORGE BELL AND SONS1905CHISWICK PRESS. CHARLES WHITTINGHAM AND CO. TOOKS COURT, CHANCERY LANE, LONDON. 

INTRODUCTION

Swift took up his permanent residence in the Irish capital in 1714. TheHarley Administration had fallen never to rise again. Harley himself wasa prisoner in the Tower, and Bolingbroke a voluntary exile in France, and an open adherent of the Pretender. Swift came to Dublin to be met bythe jeers of the populace, the suspicion of the government officials, and the polite indifference of his clerical colleagues. He had timeenough now in which to reflect and employ his brain powers. For severalyears he kept himself altogether to his duties as Dean of the Cathedralof St. Patrick's, only venturing his pen in letters to dear friends inEngland--to Pope, Atterbury, Lady Howard. His private relations withMiss Hester Vanhomrigh came to a climax, also, during this period, andhis peculiar intimacy with "Stella" Johnson took the definite shape inwhich we now know it. 

He found himself in debt to his predecessor, Sterne, for a large andcomfortless house and for the cost of his own installation into hisoffice. The money he was to have received (£1, 000) to defray theseexpenses, from the last administration, was now, on its fall, kept backfrom him. Swift had these encumbrances to pay off and he had his Chapterto see to. He did both in characteristic fashion. By dint of almostpenurious saving he accomplished the former and the latter he managedautocratically and with good sense. His connection with Oxford andBolingbroke had been of too intimate a nature for those in power toignore him. Indeed, his own letters to Knightley Chetwode[1] show usthat he was in great fear of arrest. But there is now no doubt that thetreasonable relations between Harley and St. John and the Pretender werea great surprise to Swift when they were discovered. He himself hadalways been an ardent supporter of the Protestant succession, and hiswritings during his later period in Ireland constantly emphasize thisattitude of his--almost too much so. 

The condition of Ireland as Swift found it in 1714, and as he had knownof it even before that time, was of a kind to rouse a temper like his toquick and indignant expression. Even as early as the spring of 1716 wefind him unable to restrain himself, and in his letter to Atterbury ofApril 18th we catch the spirit which, four years later, showed itself in"The Proposal for the Universal Use of Irish Manufactures" and the"Drapier's Letters, " and culminated in 1729 in the terrible "ModestProposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People from being a Burthento their Parents. " To Atterbury he wrote:

"I congratulate with England for joining with us here in the fellowshipof slavery. It is not so terrible a thing as you imagine: we have longlived under it: and whenever you are disposed to know how to behaveyourself in your new condition, you need go no further than me for adirector. But, because we are resolved to go beyond you, we havetransmitted a bill to England, to be returned here, giving theGovernment and six of the Council power for three years to imprison whomthey please for three months, without any trial or examination: and Iexpect to be among the first of those upon whom this law will beexecuted. "

Writing to Archdeacon Walls[2] (May 5th, 1715) of the people in power, he said:

"They shall be deceived as far as my power reaches, and shall not findme altogether so great a cully as they would willingly make me. "

At that time England was beginning to initiate a new method for what itcalled the proper government of Ireland. Hitherto it had tried the planof setting one party in the country against another; but now a new partywas called into being, known as the "English party. " This party hadnothing to do with the Irish national spirit, and any man, no matter howcapable, who held by such a national spirit, was to be set aside. Therewas to be no Irish party or parties as such--there was to be only theEnglish party governing Ireland in the interests of England. It was thebeginning of a government which led to the appointment of such a man asPrimate Boulter, who simply ruled Ireland behind the Lord Lieutenant(who was but a figurehead) for and on behalf of the King of England'sadvisers. Irish institutions, Irish ideas, Irish traditions, the IrishChurch, Irish schools, Irish language and literature, Irish trade, manufactures, commerce, agriculture--all were to be subordinated toEngland's needs and England's demands. At any cost almost, these were tobe made subservient to the interests of England. So well was this plancarried out, that Ireland found itself being governed by a small Englishclique and its Houses of Parliament a mere tool in the clique's hands. The Parliament no longer represented the national will, since it didreally nothing but ratify what the English party asked for, or what theKing's ministers in England instructed should be made law. 

Irish manufactures were ruined by legislation; the commerce of Irelandwas destroyed by the same means; her schools became practicallypenitentiaries to the Catholic children, who were compelled to receive aProtestant instruction; her agriculture was degraded to the degree thatcattle could not be exported nor the wool sold or shipped from her ownports to other countries; her towns swarmed with beggars and thieves, forced there by the desolation which prevailed in the country districts, where people starved by the wayside, and where those who lived barelykept body and soul together to pay the rents of the absentee landlords. 

Swift has himself, in the pamphlets printed in the present volume, givena fairly accurate and no exaggerated account of the miserable conditionof his country at this time; and his writings are amply corroborated byother men who might be considered less passionate and more temperate. 

The people had become degraded through the evil influence of acontemptuous and spendthrift landlord class, who considered the tenantin no other light than as a rent-paying creature. As Roman Catholicsthey found themselves the social inferiors of the ruling Protestantclass--the laws had placed them in that invidious position. They werepractically without any defence. They were ignorant, poor, andhalf-starved. Thriftless, like their landlords, they ate up in theautumn what harvests they gathered, and begged for their winter'ssupport. Adultery and incest were common and bred a body of lawlesscreatures, who herded together like wild beasts and became dangerouspests. 

Swift knew all this. He had time, between the years 1714 and 1720, tofind it out, even if he had not known of it before. But the conditionwas getting worse, and his heart filled, as he told Pope in 1728, with a"perfect rage and resentment" at "the mortifying sight of slavery, folly, and baseness about me, among which I am forced to live. "

He commenced what might be called a campaign of attack in 1720, with thepublication of his tract entitled, "A Modest Proposal for the UniversalUse of Irish Manufactures. " As has been pointed out in the notesprefixed to the pamphlets in the present volume, England had, apparently, gone to work systematically to ruin Irish manufactures. Theyseemed to threaten ruin to English industries; at least so the people inEngland thought. The pernicious legislation began in the reign ofCharles II. And continued in that of William III. The Irish manufacturerwas not permitted to export his products and found a precariouslivelihood in a contraband trade. Swift's "Proposal" is one ofretaliation. Since England will not allow Ireland to send out her goods, let the people of Ireland use them, and let them join together anddetermine to use nothing from England. Everything that came from Englandshould be burned, except the people and the coal. If England had theright to prevent the exportation of the goods made in Ireland, she hadnot the right to prevent the people of Ireland from choosing what theyshould wear. The temper of the pamphlet was mild in the extreme; but thegoverning officials saw in it dangerous symptoms. The pamphlet wasstigmatized as libellous and seditious, and the writer as attempting todisunite the two nations. The printer was brought to trial, and thepamphlet obtained a tremendous circulation. Although the jury acquittedthe printer, Chief Justice Whitshed, who had, as Swift puts it, "soquick an understanding, that he resolved, if possible, to outdo hisorders, " sent the jury back nine times to reconsider their verdict. Heeven declared solemnly that the author's design was to bring in thePretender. This cry of bringing in the Pretender was raised on any andevery occasion, and has been well ridiculed by Swift in his "Examinationof Certain Abuses and Corruptions in the City of Dublin. " The end ofWhitshed's persecution could have been foretold--it fizzled out in a_nolle prosequi_. 

Following on this interesting commencement came the lengthened agitationagainst Wood's Halfpence to which we owe the remarkable series ofwritings known now as the "Drapier's Letters. " These are fully discussedin the volume preceding this. But Swift found other channels in which tocontinue rousing the spirit of the people, and refreshing it to furthereffort. The mania for speculation which Law's schemes had given birthto, reached poor Ireland also. People thought there might be found ascheme on similar lines by which Ireland might move to prosperity. ABank project was initiated for the purpose of assisting small tradesmen. But a scheme that in itself would have been excellent in a prosperoussociety, could only end in failure in such a community as peopledIreland. Swift felt this and opposed the plan in his satirical tract, "The Swearer's Bank. " The tract sufficed, for no more was heard of theNational Bank after the House of Commons rejected it. 

The thieves and "roughs" who infested Dublin came in next for Swift'sattention. In characteristic fashion he seized the occasion of thearrest and execution of one of their leaders to publish a pretended"Last Speech and Dying Confession, " in which he threatened exposure andarrest to the remainder of the gang if they did not make themselvesscarce. The threat had its effect, and the city found itselfconsiderably safer as a consequence. 

How Swift pounded out his "rage and resentment" against Englishmisgovernment, may be further read in the "Story of the Injured Lady, "and in the "Answer" to that story. The Injured Lady is Ireland, whotells her lover, England, of her attractions, and upbraids him on hisconduct towards her. In the "Answer" Swift tells the Lady what she oughtto do, and hardly minces matters. Let her show the right spirit, he saysto her, and she will find there are many gentlemen who will support herand champion her cause. 

Then came the plain, pathetic, and truthful recital of the "Short Viewof the State of Ireland"--a pamphlet of but a few pages and yet terriblyeffective. As an historical document it takes rank with the experiencesof the clergymen, Skelton and Jackson, as well as the more dispassionatewritings of contemporary historians. It is frequently cited by Lecky inhis "History of Ireland. "

What Swift had so far left undone, either from political reasons or frommotives of personal restraint, he completed in what may, withoutexaggeration, be called his satirical masterpiece--the "Modest Proposalfor Preventing the Children of Poor People from being a Burthen to theirParents. " Nothing comparable to this piece of writing is to be found inany literature; while the mere fact that it came into being must standas one of the deadliest indictments against England's misrule. Governments and rulers have been satirized time and again, but nosimilar condition of things has existed with a Swift living at the time, to observe and comment on them. The tract itself must be read with aknowledge of the Irish conditions then prevailing; its temper is so calmand restrained that a reader unacquainted with the conditions might bemisled and think that the author of "Gulliver's Travels" was indulginghimself in one of his grim jokes. That it was not a joke its readers atthe time well knew, and many of them also knew how great was theindignation which raged in Swift's heart to stir him to so unprecedentedan expression of contempt. He had, as he himself said, raged and stormedonly to find himself stupefied. In the "Modest Proposal" he changed histune and

 ... With raillery to nettle, Set your thoughts upon their mettle. 

Swift has been censured for the cold-blooded cynicism of this piece ofwriting, but these censurers have entirely misunderstood both his motiveand his meaning. We wonder how any one could take seriously a proposalfor breeding children for food purposes, and our wonder grows inreflecting on an inability to see through the thin veil of satire whichbarely hid an impeachment of a ruling nation by the mere statement ofthe proposal itself. That a Frenchman should so misunderstand it (as aFrenchman did) may not surprise us, but that any Englishman should sotake it argues an utter absence of humour and a total ignorance of Irishconditions at the time the tract was written. But history has justifiedSwift, and it is to his writings, rather than to the many works writtenby more commonplace observers, that we now turn for the true story ofIreland's wrongs, and the real sources of her continued attitude ofhostility towards England's government of her. 

It has been well noted by one of Swift's biographers, that for athousand readers which the "Modest Proposal" has found, there is perhapsonly one who is acquainted with Swift's "Answer to the Craftsman. " Itmay be that the title is misleading or uninviting; but there is noquestion that this tract may well stand by the side of the "ModestProposal, " both for force of argument and pungency of satire. In its wayand within the limits of its more restricted argument it is one of theablest pieces of writing Swift has given us on behalf of Irish liberty. 

The title of Irish patriot which Swift obtained was not sought for byhim. It was given him mainly for the part he played, and for the successhe achieved in the Wood's patent agitation. He was acclaimed thechampion of the people, because he had stopped the foolish manoeuvresof the Walpole Administration. So to label him, however, would be to dohim an injustice. In truth, he would have championed the cause ofliberty and justice in any country in which he lived, had he foundliberty and justice wanting there. The matter of the copper coinagepatent was but a peg for him to hang arguments which applied almosteverywhere. It was not to the particular arguments but to the spiritwhich gave them life that we must look for the true value of Swift'swork. And that spirit--honest, brave, strong for the right--is even moreabundantly displayed in the writings we have just considered. Theywitness to his championship of liberty and justice, to his impeachmentof selfish office-holders and a short-sighted policy. They gave him hisposition as the chief among the citizens of Dublin to whom he spoke ascounsel and adviser. They proclaim him as the friend of the commonpeople, to whom he was more than the Dean of St. Patrick's. He may havebegun his work impelled by a hatred for Whiggish principles; but heundoubtedly accomplished it in the spirit of a broad-minded andfar-seeing statesman. The pressing needs of Ireland were too urgent andcrying for him to permit his personal dislike of the Irish natives todivert him from his humanitarian efforts. If he hated the beggar he wasready with his charity. The times in which he lived were not times inwhich, as he told the freemen of Dublin, "to expect such an exalteddegree of virtue from mortal men. " He was speaking to them of theimpossibility of office-holders being independent of the governmentunder which they held their offices. "Blazing stars, " he said, "are muchmore frequently seen than such heroical virtues. " As the Irish peoplewere governed by such men he advised them strongly to choose aparliamentary representative from among themselves. He insisted on thevalue of their collected voice, their unanimity of effort, aconsciousness of their understanding of what they wished to bring about. "Be independent" is the text of all his writings to the people ofIreland. It is idle to appeal to England's clemency or England'sjustice. It is vain to evolve social schemes and Utopian dreams. Theremedy lay in their own hands, if the people only realized it. 

"Violent zeal for truth, " Swift noted in one of his "Thoughts onReligion, " "has a hundred to one odds to be either petulancy, ambition, or pride. " Examining Swift's writings on behalf of Ireland by thecriterion provided in this statement, we must acquit him entirely ofmisusing any of these qualities. If he were bitter or scornful, he wascertainly not petulant. No one has written with more justice orcoolness; the temper is hot but it is the heat of a conscious andcollected indignation. If he wrote or spoke in a manner somewhatoverbearing, it was not because of ambition, since he was now long pasthis youth and his mind had become settled in a fairly complacentacceptance of his position. If he had pride, and he undoubtedly had, itwas nowhere obtruded for personal aggrandizement, but rather by way ofemphasizing the dignity of citizenship, and the value of self-respect. Assuredly, in these Irish tracts, Swift was no violent zealot for truth. Indeed, it is a high compliment to pay him, to say that we wonder herestrained himself as he did. 

Swift, however, had his weakness also, and it lay, as weaknessesgenerally lie, very close to his strength. Swift's fault as a thinkerwas the outcome of his intellectuality--he was too purely intellectual. He set little store on the emotional side of human nature; his appealwas always to the reason. He hated cant, and any expression of emotionappealed to him as cant. He could not bear to be seen saying hisprayers; his acts of charity were surreptitious and given in secret withan affectation of cynicism, so that they might veil the motive whichimpelled them. It may have been pride or a dislike to be consideredsentimental; but his attitude owed its spring to a genuine faith in hisown thought. If Swift had one pride more than another, it lay in aconsciousness of his own superiority over his fellow-mortals. It was thepride of intellect and a belief that man showed himself best byfollowing the judgements of the reason. His disgust with people was bornof their unreasonable selfishness, their instinctive greed and rapacity, their blind stupidity, all which resulted for them in so much injustice. Had they been reasonable, he would have argued, they would have beenbetter and happier. The sentiments and the passions were impulsive, andtherefore unreasonable. Swift seemed to have no faith in their elevationto a higher intellectual plane, and yet he often roused them by his veryappeals to reason. His eminently successful "Drapier's Letters" are acase in point. Yet we question if Swift were not himself surprised attheir effect. He knew his power later when he threatened the Archbishopof Armagh, but he, no doubt, credited the result to his own arguments, and not to the passions he had aroused. His sense of justice was thestrongest, and it was through that sense that the condition of thepeople of Ireland appealed to him. He forgot, or he did not see that thevery passion in himself was of prime importance, since it was really toit that his own efforts were due. The fine flower of imagination neverblossomed in Swift. He was neither prophet nor poet; but he was a greatleader, a splendid captain, a logical statesman. It is to this lack ofimagination that we must look for the real root of his cynical humourand satirical temper. A more imaginative man than Swift with much lesspower would have better appreciated the weaknesses of humanity and madeallowances for them. He would never have held them up to ridicule andcontempt, but would rather have laid stress on those instincts of honourand nobility which the most ignorant and least reasoning possess in somedegree. 

Looking back on the work Swift did, and comparing its effect at the timewith the current esteem in which he is held in the present day, we shallfind that his reputation has altogether changed. In his own day, andespecially during his life in Ireland, his work was special, and broughthim a special repute. He was a party's advocate and the people's friend. His literary output, distinguished though it was, was of secondaryimportance compared with the purpose for which it was accomplished. Hewas the friend of Harley, the champion of the Protestant Church, theIrish patriot, the enemy of Whiggism, the opponent of Nonconformity. To-day all these phrases mean little or nothing to those who know ofSwift as the author of "A Tale of a Tub, " and "Gulliver's Travels. "Swift is now accepted as a great satirist, and admired for the wonderfulknowledge he shows of the failings and weaknesses of human nature. He isadmired but never loved. The particular occasions in his life-timewhich urged him to rouse passions mean nothing to us; they have lost thearoma of his just indignation and are become historical events. What isleft of him for us is the result of cold analysis and almost heartlesscontempt. How different would it have been had Swift allied his greatgift as a writer to such a spirit as breathes in the Sermon on theMount! But to wish this is perhaps as foolish as to expect dates to growon thistles. We must accept what is given us, and see that we, at anyrate, steer clear of the dangers mapped out for us by the travellers ofthe past. 

 * * * * *

The editor takes this opportunity to thank Mr. G. Ravenscroft Dennis andMr. W. Spencer Jackson for much valuable assistance in the reading ofproofs and the collation of texts. 

TEMPLE SCOTT. 

NEW YORK, _May 18, 1905. _

CONTENTS PAGE

 A LETTER TO A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT, IN IRELAND, UPON THE CHOOSING A NEW SPEAKER THERE 1

 A PROPOSAL FOR THE UNIVERSAL USE OF IRISH MANUFACTURE 11

 AN ESSAY ON ENGLISH BUBBLES. BY THOMAS HOPE, ESQ. 31

 THE SWEARER'S BANK 37

 A LETTER TO THE KING AT ARMS 47

 THE LAST SPEECH AND DYING WORDS OF EBENEZER ELLISTON 55

 THE TRUTH OF SOME MAXIMS IN STATE AND GOVERNMENT, EXAMINED WITH REFERENCE TO IRELAND 63

 THE BLUNDERS, DEFICIENCIES, DISTRESSES, AND MISFORTUNES OF QUILCA 73

 A SHORT VIEW OF THE STATE OF IRELAND 79

 THE STORY OF THE INJURED LADY. WRITTEN BY HERSELF 93

 THE ANSWER TO THE INJURED LADY 104

 AN ANSWER TO A PAPER CALLED "A MEMORIAL OF THE POOR INHABITANTS, TRADESMEN, AND LABOURERS OF THE KINGDOM OF IRELAND" 107

 ANSWER TO SEVERAL LETTERS FROM UNKNOWN PERSONS 117

 AN ANSWER TO SEVERAL LETTERS SENT ME FROM UNKNOWN HANDS 127

 A LETTER TO THE ARCHBISHOP OF DUBLIN CONCERNING THE WEAVERS 135

 OBSERVATIONS OCCASIONED BY READING A PAPER ENTITLED "THE CASE OF THE WOOLLEN MANUFACTURES OF DUBLIN, " ETC. 145

 THE PRESENT MISERABLE STATE OF IRELAND 151

 THE SUBSTANCE OF WHAT WAS SAID BY THE DEAN OF ST. PATRICK'S TO THE LORD MAYOR AND SOME OF THE ALDERMEN WHEN HIS LORDSHIP CAME TO PRESENT THE SAID DEAN WITH HIS FREEDOM IN A GOLD BOX 167

 ADVERTISEMENT BY DR. SWIFT IN HIS DEFENCE AGAINST JOSHUA, LORD ALLEN 173

 A LETTER ON MR. M'CULLA'S PROJECT ABOUT HALFPENCE, AND A NEW ONE PROPOSED 177

 A PROPOSAL THAT ALL THE LADIES AND WOMEN OF IRELAND SHOULD APPEAR CONSTANTLY IN IRISH MANUFACTURES 191

 A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE FROM BEING A BURTHEN TO THEIR PARENTS OR THE COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC 201

 ANSWER TO THE CRAFTSMAN 217

 A VINDICATION OF HIS EXCELLENCY JOHN, LORD CARTERET 225

 A PROPOSAL FOR AN ACT OF PARLIAMENT TO PAY OFF THE DEBT OF THE NATION WITHOUT TAXING THE SUBJECT 251

 A CASE SUBMITTED BY DEAN SWIFT TO MR. LINDSAY, COUNSELLOR AT LAW 259

 AN EXAMINATION OF CERTAIN ABUSES, CORRUPTIONS, AND ENORMITIES IN THE CITY OF DUBLIN 261

 A SERIOUS AND USEFUL SCHEME TO MAKE AN HOSPITAL FOR INCURABLES 283

 THE HUMBLE PETITION OF THE FOOTMEN IN AND ABOUT THE CITY OF DUBLIN 305

 ADVICE TO THE FREEMEN OF THE CITY OF DUBLIN IN THE CHOICE OF A MEMBER TO REPRESENT THEM IN PARLIAMENT 309

 SOME CONSIDERATIONS HUMBLY OFFERED TO THE LORD MAYOR, THE COURT OF ALDERMEN AND COMMON-COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF DUBLIN IN THE CHOICE OF A RECORDER 317

 A PROPOSAL FOR GIVING BADGES TO THE BEGGARS IN ALL THE PARISHES OF DUBLIN 321

 CONSIDERATIONS ABOUT MAINTAINING THE POOR 337

 ON BARBAROUS DENOMINATIONS IN IRELAND 343

 SPEECH DELIVERED ON THE LOWERING OF THE COIN 351

 IRISH ELOQUENCE 361

 A DIALOGUE IN HIBERNIAN STYLE 362

 TO THE PROVOST AND SENIOR FELLOWS OF TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN 364

 TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL THE MAYOR, ALDERMEN, SHERIFFS, AND COMMON-COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF CORK 366

 TO THE HONOURABLE THE SOCIETY OF THE GOVERNOR AND ASSISTANTS IN LONDON, FOR THE NEW PLANTATION IN ULSTER 368

 CERTIFICATE TO A DISCARDED SERVANT 369

 AN EXHORTATION ADDRESSED TO THE SUB-DEAN AND CHAPTER OF ST. PATRICK'S CATHEDRAL, DUBLIN 370

 APPENDIX:

 A LETTER TO THE WRITER OF THE OCCASIONAL PAPER 375

 AN ACCOUNT OF THE COURT AND EMPIRE OF JAPAN 382

 THE ANSWER OF THE RIGHT HON. WILLIAM PULTENEY, ESQ. , TO THE RIGHT HON. SIR ROBERT WALPOLE 392

 INDEX 401

A LETTER

TO

A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT, IN IRELAND, UPON THE CHOOSING A NEW SPEAKER THERE. 

WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1708. 

 NOTE. 

 In the note prefixed to the reprint of Swift's "Letter concerning the Sacramental Test, " the circumstances under which this "Letter to a Member of Parliament in Ireland" was written, are explained (see vol. Iv. , pp. 3-4, of present edition). The Godolphin ministry was anxious to repeal the Test Act in Ireland, as a concession to the Presbyterians who had made themselves prominent by their expressions of loyalty to William and the Protestant succession. In this particular year also (1708), rumours of an invasion gave them another opportunity to send in loyal addresses. In reality, however, the endeavour to try the repeal in Ireland, was in the nature of a test, and Swift ridiculed the attempt as being like to "that of a discreet physician, who first gives a new medicine to a dog, before he prescribes it to a human creature. " It seems that Swift had been consulted by Somers on the question of the repeal, and had given his opinion very frankly. The letter to Archbishop King, revealing this, contains some bitter remarks about "a certain lawyer of Ireland. " The lawyer was Speaker Brodrick, afterwards Lord Midleton, who was enthusiastic for the repeal. The present letter gives a very clear idea of what Swift thought should be a Speaker's duties both as the chairman of the House and as related to this particular measure of the Test. 

 * * * * *

 The text of the present reprint is based on the original manuscript in Swift's handwriting; but as this was found to be somewhat illegible, it has been collated with the text given in vol. Viii. Of the quarto edition of Swift's collected works, published in 1765. 

 [T. S. ]

A LETTER TO A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT, IN IRELAND, UPON THE CHOOSING A NEWSPEAKER THERE. 

SIR, You may easily believe I am not at all surprised at what you tell me, since it is but a confirmation of my own conjecture that I sent you lastweek, and made you my reproaches upon it at a venture. It looksexceeding strange, yet, I believe it to be a great truth, that, in orderto carry a point in your house, the two following circumstances are ofgreat advantage; first, to have an ill cause; and, secondly, to be aminority. For both these circumstances are extremely apt to unite men, to make them assiduous in their attendance, watchful of opportunities, zealous for gaining over proselytes, and often successful; which is notto be wondered at, when favour and interest are on the side of theiropinion. Whereas, on the contrary, a majority with a good cause arenegligent and supine. They think it sufficient to declare themselvesupon occasion in favour of their party, but, sailing against the tide offavour and preferment, they are easily scattered and driven back. Inshort, they want a common principle to cement, and motive to spiritthem; For the bare acting upon a principle from the dictates of a goodconscience, or prospect of serving the public, will not go very farunder the present dispositions of mankind. This was amply verified lastsessions of Parliament, upon occasion of the money bill, the merits ofwhich I shall not pretend to examine. 'Tis enough that, upon the firstnews of its transmission hither, in the form it afterwards appeared, themembers, upon discourse with their friends, seemed unanimous against it, I mean those of both parties, except a few, who were looked upon aspersons ready to go any lengths prescribed them by the court. Yet withonly a week's canvassing among a very few hands, the bill passed after afull debate, by a very great majority; yet, I believe, you will hardlyattempt persuading me, or anybody else, that one man in ten, of thosewho changed their language, were moved by reasons any way affecting themerits of the cause, but merely through hope, fear, indolence, or goodmanners. Nay, I have been assured from good hands, that there was stilla number sufficient to make a majority against the bill, if they had notapprehended the other side to be secure, and therefore thought itimprudence, by declaring themselves, to disoblige the government to nopurpose. 

Reflecting upon this and forty other passages, in the several Houses ofCommons since the Revolution, makes me apt to think there is nothing achief governor can be commanded to attempt here wherein he may notsucceed, with a very competent share of address, and with suchassistance as he will always find ready at his devotion. And therefore Irepeat what I said at first, that I am not at all surprised at what youtell me. For, if there had been the least spark of public spirit left, those who wished well to their country and its constitution in churchand state, should, upon the first news of the late Speaker's promotion, (and you and I know it might have been done a great deal sooner) haveimmediately gone together, and consulted about the fittest person tosucceed him. But, by all I can comprehend, you have been so far fromproceeding thus, that it hardly ever came into any of your heads. Andthe reason you give is the worst in the world: That none offeredthemselves, and you knew not whom to pitch upon. It seems, however, theother party was more resolved, or at least not so modest: For you sayyour vote is engaged against your opinion, and several gentlemen in myneighbourhood tell me the same story of themselves; this, I confess, isof an unusual strain, and a good many steps below any condescensions acourt will, I hope, ever require from you. I shall not trouble myself toinquire who is the person for whom you and others are engaged, orwhether there be more candidates from that side, than one. You tell menothing of either, and I never thought it worth the question to anybodyelse. But, in so weighty an affair, and against your judgment, I cannotlook upon you as irrevocably determined. Therefore I desire you willgive me leave to reason with you a little upon the subject, lest yourcompliance, or inadvertency, should put you upon what you may have causeto repent as long as you live. 

You know very well, the great business of the high-flying Whigs, at thisjuncture, is to endeavour a repeal of the test clause. You know likewisethat the moderate men, both of High and Low Church, profess to be whollyaverse from this design, as thinking it beneath the policy of commongardeners to cut down the only hedge that shelters from the north. [3]Now, I will put the case; If the person to whom you have promised yourvote be one of whom you have the least apprehension that he will promoteor assent to the repealing of that clause, whether it be decent orproper, he should be the mouth of an assembly, whereof a very greatmajority pretend to abhor his opinion. Can a body, whose mouth and heartmust go so contrary ways, ever act with sincerity, or hardly withconsistence? Such a man is no proper vehicle to retain or convey thesense of the House, which, in so many points of the greatest moment, will be directly contrary to his; 'tis full as absurd, as to prefer aman to a bishopric who denies revealed religion. But it may possibly bea great deal worse. What if the person you design to vote into thatimportant post, should not only be a declared enemy of the sacramentaltest, but should prove to be a solicitor, an encourager, or even apenner of addresses to complain of it? Do you think it so indifferent athing, that a promise of course, the effect of compliance, importunity, shame of refusing, or any the like motive, shall oblige you past thepower of retracting?

Perhaps you will tell me, as some have already had the weakness to do, that it is of little importance to either party to have a Speaker oftheir side, his business being only to take the sense of the House andreport it, that you often, at committees, put an able speaker into thechair on purpose to prevent him from stopping a bill. Why, if it were nomore than this, I believe I should hardly choose, even among my footmen, such a one to deliver a message, whose interest and opinions led him towish it might miscarry. But I remember to have heard old ColonelBirch[4] of Herefordshire say, that "he was a very sorry Speaker, whosesingle vote was not better than fifty common ones. " I am sure it isreckoned in England the first great test of the prevalency of eitherparty in the House. Sir Thomas Littleton[5] thought, that a House ofCommons with a stinking breath (supposing the Speaker to be the mouth)would go near to infect everything within the walls, and a great dealwithout. It is the smallest part of an able Speaker's business, what heperforms in the House, at least if he be in with the court, when it ishard to say how many converts may be made in a circle of dinners, orprivate cabals. And you and I can easily call to mind a gentleman inthat station, in England, who, by his own arts and personal credit, wasable to draw over a majority, and change the whole power of a prevailingside in a nice juncture of affairs, and made a Parliament expire in oneparty who had lived in another. 

I am far from an inclination to multiply party causes, but surely thebest of us can with very ill grace make that an objection, who have notbeen so nice in matters of much less importance. Yet I have heard somepersons of both sides gravely deliver themselves in this manner; "Whyshould we make the choosing a Speaker a party cause? Let us fix upon onewho is well versed in the practices and methods of parliament. " And Ibelieve there are too many who would talk at the same rate, if thequestion were not only about abolishing the sacramental test, but thesacrament itself. 

But suppose the principles of the most artful Speaker could have noinfluence either to obtain or obstruct any point in Parliament, who cananswer what effects such a choice may produce without doors? 'Tisobvious how small a matter serves to raise the spirits and hopes of theDissenters and their high-flying advocates, what lengths they run, whatconclusions they form, and what hopes they entertain. Do they hear of anew friend in office? That is encouragement enough to practise thecity, against the opinion of a majority into an address to the Queen forrepealing the sacramental test; or issue out their orders to the nextfanatic parson to furbish up his old sermons, and preach and print newones directly against Episcopacy. I would lay a good wager, that, if thechoice of a new Speaker succeeds exactly to their liking, we shall seeit soon followed by many new attempts, either in the form of pamphlet, sermon, or address, to the same, or perhaps more dangerous purposes. 

Supposing the Speaker's office to be only an employment of profit andhonour, and a step to a better; since it is in your own gift, will younot choose to bestow it upon some person whose principles the majorityof you pretends to approve, if it were only to be sure of a worthy manhereafter in a high station, on the bench or at the bar?

I confess, if it were a thing possible to be compassed, it would seemmost reasonable to fill the chair with some person who would be entirelydevoted to neither party: But, since there are so few of that character, and those either unqualified or unfriended, I cannot see how a majoritywill answer it to their reputation, to be so ill provided of ablepersons, that they must have recourse for a leader to their adversaries, a proceeding of which I never met with above one example, and even thatsucceeded but ill, though it was recommended by an oracle, which advisedsome city in Greece to beg a general from their enemies, who, in scorn, sent them either a fiddler or a poet, I have forgot which; but so much Iremember, that his conduct was such, as they soon grew weary of him. 

You pretend to be heartily resolved against repealing the sacramentaltest, yet, at the same time, give the only great employment you have todispose of to a person who will take that test against his stomach (bywhich word I understand many a man's conscience) who earnestly wishethit repealed, and will endeavour it to the utmost of his power; so thatthe first action after you meet, will be a sort of contravention to thattest: And will anybody go further than your practice to judge of yourprinciples?

And now I am upon this subject, I cannot conclude without sayingsomething to a very popular argument against that sacramental test, which may be apt to shake many of those who would otherwise wish wellenough to it. They say it was a new hardship put upon the Dissenters, without any provocation; and, it is plain, could be no way necessary, because we had peaceably lived together so long without it. They addsome other circumstances of the arts by which it was obtained, and theperson by whom it was inserted. Surely such people do not consider thatthe penal laws against Dissenters were made wholly ineffectual by theconnivance and mercy of the government, so that all employments of thestate lay as open to them as they did to the best and most legalsubjects. And what progress they would have made by the advantages of alate conjecture, is obvious to imagine; which I take to be a full answerto that objection. 

I remember, upon the transmission of that bill with the test clauseinserted, the Dissenters and their partisans, among other topics, spokemuch of the good effects produced by the lenity of the government, thatthe Presbyterians were grown very inconsiderable in their number andquality, and would daily come into the church, if we did not fright themfrom it by new severities. When the act was passed, they presentlychanged their style, and raised a clamour, through both kingdoms, of thegreat numbers of considerable gentry who were laid aside, and could nolonger serve their queen and country; which hyperbolical way ofreckoning, when it came to be melted down into truth, amounted to aboutfifteen country justices, most of them of the lowest size, for estate, quality, or understanding. However, this puts me in mind of a passagetold me by a great man, though I know not whether it be anywhererecorded. That a complaint was made to the king and council in Sweden, of a prodigious swarm of Scots, who, under the condition of pedlars, infested that kingdom to such a degree, as, if not suddenly prevented, might in time prove dangerous to the state, by joining with anydiscontented party. Meanwhile the Scots, by their agents, placed a goodsum of money to engage the offices of the prime minister in theirbehalf; who, in order to their defence, told the council, he was assuredthey were but a few inconsiderable people, that lived honestly andpoorly, and were not of any consequence. Their enemies offered to provethe contrary, whereupon an order was made to take their number, whichwas found to amount, as I remember, to about thirty thousand. The affairwas again brought before the council, and great reproaches made thefirst minister, for his ill computation; who, presently took the otherhandle, said, he had reason to believe the number yet greater than whatwas returned; and then gravely offered to the king's consideration, whether it were safe to render desperate so great a body of able men, who had little to lose, and whom any hard treatment would only serve tounite into a power capable of disturbing, if not destroying the peace ofthe kingdom. And so they were suffered to continue. 

A PROPOSAL

FOR THE

UNIVERSAL USE OF IRISH MANUFACTURE. 

 NOTE. 

 This pamphlet constitutes the opening of a campaign against his political enemies in England on whom Swift had, it must be presumed, determined to take revenge. When the fall of Harley's administration was complete and irrevocable, Swift returned to Ireland and, for six years, he lived the simple life of the Dean of St. Patrick's, unheard of except by a few of his more intimate friends in England. Accustomed by years of intimacy with the ministers of Anne's court, and by his own temperament, to act the part of leader and adviser, Swift's compulsory silence must have chafed and irritated him to a degree. His opportunities for advancement had passed with the passing of Harley and Bolingbroke from power, and he had given too ardent and enthusiastic a support to these friends of his for Walpole to look to him for a like service. Moreover, however strong may have been these personal motives, Swift's detestation of Walpole's Irish policy must have been deep and bitter, even before he began to express himself on the matter. His sincerity cannot be doubted, even if we make an ample allowance for a private grudge against the great English minister. The condition of Ireland, at this time, was such as to arouse the warmest indignation from the most indifferent and unprejudiced--and it was a condition for which English misrule was mainly responsible. It cannot therefore be wondered at that Swift should be among the strenuous and persistent opponents of a policy which spelled ruin to his country, and his patriotism must be recognized even if we accept the existence of a personal motive. 

 The crass stupidity which characterized England's dealings with Ireland at this time would be hardly credible, were it not on record in the acts passed in the reigns of Charles II. And William III. , and embodied in the resolutions of the English parliament during Walpole's term of power. An impartial historian is forced to the conclusion that England had determined to ruin the sister nation. Already its social life was disreputable; the people taxed in various ways far beyond their means; the agriculture at the lowest state by the neglect and indifference of the landed proprietors; and the manufactures crippled by a series of pernicious restrictions imposed by a selfish rival. 

 Swift, in writing this "Proposal, " did not take advantage of any special occasion, as he did later in the matter of Wood's halfpence. His occasion must be found in the condition of the country, in the injustice to which she was subjected, and in the fact that the time had come when it would be wise and safe for him to come out once more into the open. 

 He began in his characteristic way. All the evils that the laws against the manufactures and agriculture of Ireland brought into existence are summarized in this "Proposal. " His business is not to attack the laws directly, but to attempt a method by which these shall be nullified. Since the manufactures of Ireland might not be exported for sale, let the people of Ireland wear them themselves, and let them resolve and determine to wear them in preference to those imported from England. If England had the right to prevent the importation to it of Irish woollen goods, it was surely only just that the Irish should exercise then right to wear their own home-made clothes! The tract was a reasonable and mild statement. Yet, such was the temper of the governing officials, that a cry was raised against it and the writer accused of attempting to disunite the two kingdoms. With consistent foolishness, the printer was brought to trial, and although the jury acquitted him, yet the Lord Chief Justice Whitshed, zealous for his employer more than for his office, refused to accept the verdict and attempted to force the jury to a conviction. In his letter to Pope, dated January 10th, 1720-21, Swift gives an account of this matter:

 "I have written in this kingdom, a discourse, to persuade the wretched people to wear their own manufactures, instead of those from England. This treatise soon spread very fast, being agreeable to the sentiments of the whole nation, except those gentlemen who had employments, or were expectants. Upon which a person in great office here immediately took the alarm; he sent in haste for the chief-justice, and informed him of a seditious, factious, and virulent pamphlet, lately published, with a design of setting the two kingdoms at variance; directing, at the same time, that the printer should be prosecuted with the utmost rigour of the law. The chief-justice has so quick an understanding, that he resolved, if possible, to outdo his orders. The grand juries of the county and city were effectually practised with, to represent the said pamphlet with all aggravating epithets, for which they had thanks sent them from England, and their presentments published, for several weeks, in all the newspapers. The printer was seized, and forced to give great bail. After his trial, the jury brought him in not guilty, although they had been culled with the utmost industry. The chief-justice sent them back nine times, and kept them eleven hours, until, being perfectly tired out, they were forced to leave the matter to the mercy of the judge, by what they call a _special verdict_. During the trial, the chief-justice, among other singularities, laid his hand on his breast, and protested solemnly that the author's design was to bring in the Pretender, although there was not a single syllable of party in the whole treatise; and although it was known that the most eminent of those who professed his own principles, publicly disallowed his proceedings. But the cause being so very odious and unpopular, the trial of the verdict was deferred from one term to another, until, upon the Duke of Grafton's, the lord lieutenant's arrival, his grace, after mature advice, and permission from England, was pleased to grant a _noli prosequi_. "

 This Chief Justice Whitshed was the same who acted as judge on Harding's trial for printing the fourth Drapier letter. Swift never forgot him, and took several occasions to satirize him bitterly. 

 * * * * *

 The text of the present edition is based on the Dublin edition of 1720 and collated with the texts of Faulkner, 1735, and Miscellanies of same date. 

 [T. S. ]

A

PROPOSAL

For the universal Use

Of _Irish_ Manufacture, IN

Cloaths and Furniture of Houses, &c. 

UTTERLY

_Rejecting_ and _Renouncing_

Every Thing wearable that comes from

ENGLAND. 

 * * * * *

_Dublin_: Printed and Sold by _E. Waters_, in _Essex-street_, at theCorner of _Sycamore-Alley_, 1720. 

A PROPOSAL FOR THE UNIVERSAL USE OF IRISH MANUFACTURE, IN CLOTHESAND FURNITURE OF HOUSES, &c. 

UTTERLY REJECTING AND RENOUNCING EVERY THING WEARABLE THAT COMES FROMENGLAND. 

It is the peculiar felicity and prudence of the people in this kingdom, that whatever commodities or productions lie under the greatestdiscouragements from England, those are what we are sure to be mostindustrious in cultivating and spreading. Agriculture, which hath beenthe principal care of all wise nations, and for the encouragementwhereof there are so many statute laws in England, we countenance sowell, that the landlords are everywhere by penal clauses absolutelyprohibiting their tenants from ploughing; not satisfied to confine themwithin certain limitations, as it is the practice of the English; oneeffect of which is already seen in the prodigious dearness of corn, andthe importation of it from London, as the cheaper market:[6] And becausepeople are the riches of a country, and that our neighbours have done, and are doing all that in them lie, to make our wool a drug to us, and amonopoly to them; therefore the politic gentlemen of Ireland havedepopulated vast tracts of the best land, for the feeding of sheep. [7]

I could fill a volume as large as the history of the Wise Men of Gothamwith a catalogue only of some wonderful laws and customs we haveobserved within thirty years past. [8] 'Tis true indeed, our beneficialtraffic of wool with France, hath been our only support for severalyears past, furnishing us all the little money we have to pay our rentsand go to market. But our merchants assure me, "This trade hath receiveda great damp by the present fluctuating condition of the coin in France;and that most of their wine is paid for in specie, without carryingthither any commodity from hence. "

However, since we are so universally bent upon enlarging our flocks, itmay be worth enquiring what we shall do with our wool, in caseBarnstaple[9] should be overstocked, and our French commerce shouldfail?

I could wish the Parliament had thought fit to have suspended theirregulation of church matters, and enlargements of the prerogative till amore convenient time, because they did not appear very pressing (atleast to the persons principally concerned) and instead of these greatrefinements in politics and divinity, had amused themselves and theircommittees a little with the state of the nation. For example: What ifthe House of Commons had thought fit to make a resolution _neminecontradicente_ against wearing any cloth or stuff in their families, which were not of the growth and manufacture of this kingdom? What ifthey had extended it so far as utterly to exclude all silks, velvets, calicoes, and the whole lexicon of female fopperies; and declared, thatwhoever acted otherwise, should be deemed and reputed an enemy to thenation?[10] What if they had sent up such a resolution to be agreed toby the House of Lords, and by their own practice and encouragementspread the execution of it in their several countries? What if we shouldagree to make burying in woollen a fashion, as our neighbours have madeit a law? What if the ladies would be content with Irish stuffs for thefurniture of their houses, for gowns and petticoats to themselves andtheir daughters? Upon the whole, and to crown all the rest: Let a firmresolution be taken by male and female, never to appear with one singleshred that comes from England; "And let all the people say, AMEN. "

I hope and believe nothing could please His Majesty better than to hearthat his loyal subjects of both sexes in this kingdom celebrated hisbirthday (now approaching) universally clad in their own manufacture. Isthere virtue enough left in this deluded people to save them from thebrink of ruin? If the men's opinions may be taken, the ladies will lookas handsome in stuffs as brocades; and since all will be equal, theremay be room enough to employ their wit and fancy in choosing andmatching of patterns and colours. I heard the late Archbishop of Tuammention a pleasant observation of somebody's; "that Ireland would neverbe happy till a law were made for burning everything that came fromEngland, except their people and their coals. " Nor am I even yet forlessening the number of those exceptions. [11]

 Non tanti mitra est, non tanti judicis ostrum. 

But I should rejoice to see a staylace from England be thoughtscandalous, and become a topic for censure at visits and tea-tables. 

If the unthinking shopkeepers in this town had not been utterlydestitute of common sense, they would have made some proposal to theParliament, with a petition to the purpose I have mentioned; promisingto improve the "cloths and stuffs of the nation into all possibledegrees of fineness and colours, and engaging not to play the knaveaccording to their custom, by exacting and imposing upon the nobilityand gentry either as to the prices or the goodness. " For I remember inLondon upon a general mourning, the rascally mercers andwoollen-drapers, would in four-and-twenty hours raise their cloths andsilks to above a double price; and if the mourning continued long, thencome whining with petitions to the court, that they were ready tostarve, and their fineries lay upon their hands. 

I could wish our shopkeepers would immediately think on this proposal, addressing it to all persons of quality and others; but first be sure toget somebody who can write sense, to put it into form. 

I think it needless to exhort the clergy to follow this good example, because in a little time, those among them who are so unfortunate tohave had their birth and education in this country, will thinkthemselves abundantly happy when they can afford Irish crape, and anAthlone hat; and as to the others I shall not presume to direct them. Ihave indeed seen the present Archbishop of Dublin clad from head to footin our own manufacture; and yet, under the rose be it spoken, his Gracedeserves as good a gown as any prelate in Christendom. [12]

I have not courage enough to offer one syllable on this subject to theirhonours of the army: Neither have I sufficiently considered the greatimportance of scarlet and gold lace. 

The fable in Ovid of Arachne and Pallas, is to this purpose. The goddesshad heard of one Arachne a young virgin, very famous for spinning andweaving. They both met upon a trial of skill; and Pallas finding herselfalmost equalled in her own art, stung with rage and envy, knocked herrival down, turned her into a spider, enjoining her to spin and weavefor ever, out of her own bowels, and in a very narrow compass. Iconfess, that from a boy, I always pitied poor Arachne, and could neverheartily love the goddess on account of so cruel and unjust a sentence;which however is fully executed upon us by England, with furtheradditions of rigour and severity. For the greatest part of our bowelsand vitals are extracted, without allowing us the liberty of spinningand weaving them. 

The Scripture tells us, that "oppression makes a wise man mad. "Therefore, consequently speaking, the reason why some men are not mad, is because they are not wise: However, it were to be wished thatoppression would in time teach a little wisdom to fools. 

I was much delighted with a person who hath a great estate in thiskingdom, upon his complaints to me, "how grievously poor England suffersby impositions from Ireland. That we convey our own wool to France inspite of all the harpies at the custom-house. That Mr. Shuttleworth, andothers on the Cheshire coasts are such fools to sell us their bark at agood price for tanning our own hides into leather; with other enormitiesof the like weight and kind. " To which I will venture to add some more:"That the mayoralty of this city is always executed by an inhabitant, and often by a native, which might as well be done by a deputy, with amoderate salary, whereby poor England lose at least one thousand poundsa year upon the balance. That the governing of this kingdom costs thelord lieutenant two thousand four hundred pounds a year, [13] so much_net_ loss to poor England. That the people of Ireland presume to digfor coals in their own grounds, and the farmers in the county of Wicklowsend their turf to the very market of Dublin, to the greatdiscouragement of the coal trade at Mostyn and Whitehaven. That therevenues of the post-office here, so righteously belonging to theEnglish treasury, as arising chiefly from our own commerce with eachother, should be remitted to London, clogged with that grievous burthenof exchange, and the pensions paid out of the Irish revenues to Englishfavourites, should lie under the same disadvantage, to the great loss ofthe grantees. When a divine is sent over to a bishopric here, with thehopes of five-and-twenty hundred pounds a year; upon his arrival, hefinds, alas! a dreadful discount of ten or twelve _per cent. _ A judge ora commissioner of the revenue has the same cause of complaint. "--Lastly, "The ballad upon Cotter is vehemently suspected to be Irish manufacture;and yet is allowed to be sung in our open streets, under the very noseof the government. "[14] These are a few among the many hardships we putupon that _poor_ kingdom of England; for which I am confident everyhonest man wishes a remedy: And I hear there is a project on foot fortransporting our best wheaten straw by sea and land carriage toDunstable; and obliging us by a law to take off yearly so many ton ofstraw hats for the use of our women, which will be a great encouragementto the manufacture of that industrious town. 

I should be glad to learn among the divines, whether a law to bind menwithout their own consent, be obligatory _in foro conscientiae_; becauseI find Scripture, Sanderson and Suarez are wholly silent in the matter. The oracle of reason, the great law of nature, and general opinion ofcivilians, wherever they treat of limited governments, are indeeddecisive enough. 

It is wonderful to observe the bias among our people in favour ofthings, persons, and wares of all kinds that come from England. Theprinter tells his hawkers that he has got "an excellent new song justbrought from London. " I have somewhat of a tendency that way myself; andupon hearing a coxcomb from thence displaying himself with greatvolubility upon the park, the playhouse, the opera, the gamingordinaries, it was apt to beget in me a kind of veneration for his partsand accomplishments. 'Tis not many years, since I remember a person whoby his style and literature seems to have been corrector of ahedge-press in some blind alley about Little Britain, proceed graduallyto be an author, at least a translator of a lower rate, though somewhatof a larger bulk, than any that now flourishes in Grub Street; and uponthe strength of this foundation, come over here, erect himself up intoan orator and politician, and lead a kingdom after him. [15] This, I amtold, was the very motive that prevailed on the author of a play, called"Love in a hollow Tree, " to do us the honour of a visit; presuming withvery good reason, that he was a writer of a superior class. [16] I knowanother, who for thirty years past, hath been the common standard ofstupidity in England, where he was never heard a minute in any assembly, or by any party with common Christian treatment; yet upon his arrivalhither, could put on a face of importance and authority, talked morethan six, without either gracefulness, propriety, or meaning; and at thesame time be admired and followed as the pattern of eloquence andwisdom. 

Nothing hath humbled me so much, or shewn a greater disposition to acontemptuous treatment of Ireland in some chief governors, [17] than thathigh style of several speeches from the throne, delivered, as usual, after the royal assent, in some periods of the two last reigns. Suchhigh exaggerations of the prodigious condescensions in the prince, topass those good laws, would have but an odd sound at Westminster:Neither do I apprehend how any good law can pass, wherein the king'sinterest is not as much concerned as that of the people. I rememberafter a speech on the like occasion, delivered by my Lord Wharton, (Ithink it was his last) he desired Mr. Addison to ask my opinion of it:My answer was, "That his Excellency had very honestly forfeited his headon account of one paragraph; wherein he asserted by plain consequence, adispensing power in the Queen. " His Lordship owned it was true, butswore the words were put into his mouth by direct orders from Court. From whence it is clear, that some ministers in those times, were apt, from their high elevation, to look down upon this kingdom as if it hadbeen one of their colonies of outcasts in America. And I observed alittle of the same turn of spirit in some great men, from whom Iexpected better; although to do them justice, it proved no point ofdifficulty to make them correct their idea, whereof the whole nationquickly found the benefit?--But that is forgotten. How the style hathsince run, I am wholly a stranger, having never seen a speech since thelast of the Queen. 

I would now expostulate a little with our country landlords, who byunmeasurable screwing and racking their tenants all over the kingdom, have already reduced the miserable people to a worse condition than thepeasants in France, or the vassals in Germany and Poland; so that thewhole species of what we call substantial farmers, will in a very fewyears be utterly at an end. [18] It was pleasant to observe thesegentlemen labouring with all their might for preventing the bishops fromletting their revenues at a moderate half value, (whereby the wholeorder would in an age have been reduced to manifest beggary) at the veryinstant when they were everywhere canting their own lands upon shortleases, and sacrificing their oldest tenants for a penny an acreadvance. [19] I know not how it comes to pass, (and yet perhaps I knowwell enough) that slaves have a natural disposition to be tyrants; andthat when my betters give me a kick, I am apt to revenge it with sixupon my footman; although perhaps he may be an honest and diligentfellow. I have heard great divines affirm, that "nothing is so likely tocall down an universal judgment from Heaven upon a nation as universaloppression;" and whether this be not already verified in part, theirworships the landlords are now at full leisure to consider. Whoevertravels this country, and observes the face of nature, or the faces, andhabits, and dwellings of the natives, will hardly think himself in aland where either law, religion, or common humanity is professed. [20]

I cannot forbear saying one word upon a thing they call a bank, which Ihear is projecting in this town. [21] I never saw the proposals, norunderstand any one particular of their scheme: What I wish for atpresent, is only a sufficient provision of hemp, and caps, and bells, to distribute according to the several degrees of honesty and prudencein some persons. I hear only of a monstrous sum already named; and ifothers, do not soon hear of it too, and hear of it with a vengeance, then am I a gentleman of less sagacity, than myself and very fewbesides, take me to be. And the jest will be still the better, if it betrue, as judicious persons have assured me, that one half of this moneywill be real, and the other half only Gasconnade. [22] The matter will belikewise much mended, if the merchants continue to carry off our gold, and our goldsmiths to melt down our heavy silver. 

AN ESSAY

ON

ENGLISH BUBBLES. 

BY THOMAS HOPE, ESQ. 

 NOTE. 

 The excitement and even fury which were prevalent in England and France during the years 1719 and 1720 over Law's South Sea schemes afforded Swift an opportunity for the play of his satire by way of criticism on projects which appeared to him to be of the same character. News from France on the Mississippi Scheme which, in 1719, was at the height of its stock-jobbing success, gave glorious accounts of fortunes made in a night, and of thousands who had become rich and were living in unheard of luxury. Schemes were floated on every possible kind of ventures, and so plentiful was the "paper money" that nothing was too absurd for speculators. All these schemes, which soon came to nought, went, later, by the name of "Bubbles, " and this essay of Swift's touches the matter with his usual satire. 

 The time chosen for the proposal for the establishment of a National Bank in Ireland was not a happy one. It was made in 1720 when the "Bubbles" had burst and found thousands ruined and pauperized. Swift, always an enemy to schemes of any kind, classed that of the bank with the rest of the "Bubbles, " and, although the plan itself was a real effort to relieve Ireland, and might have effected its purpose, the terror of the "Bubbles" was sufficient to wreck it. 

 It required very little from Swift to insure its rejection, and rejected it was by the Irish legislature, before whose consideration it was brought. 

 * * * * *

 Some doubt seems to obtain as to the authenticity of this "Essay on English Bubbles, " which, in the words of Sir Walter Scott, may "be considered as introductory to the other" tracts on the Bank Project. This essay, however, appears in the edition of 1720 of "The Swearer's Bank, " and, although it is not included in the "Miscellanies" of 1722, it is accepted by Faulkner in his collected edition of Swift's works. The present text is based on that prefixed to the edition of "The Swearer's Bank, " 1720. 

 [T. S. ]

AN ESSAY ON ENGLISH BUBBLES. 

BY THOMAS HOPE, ESQ. 

 To the Right Reverend, Right Honourable, and Right Worshipful, and to the Reverend, Honourable, and Worshipful, &c. Company of Stockjobbers; whether Honest or Dishonest, Pious or Impious, Wise or Otherwise, Male or Female, Young or Old, One with another, who have suffered Depredation by the late Bubbles: _Greeting_. 

Having received the following scheme from Dublin, I give you theearliest notice, how you may retrieve the DECUS ET TUTAMEN, [23]which you have sacrificed by permits in bubbles. This project is foundedon a Parliamentary security, besides, the devil is in it, if it canfail, since a dignitary of the Church[24] is at the head on't. Thereforeyou, who have subscribed to the stocking insurance, and are out at theheels, may soon appear tight about the legs. You, who encouraged thehemp manufacture, may leave the halter to rogues, and prevent the odiumof _felo de se_. Medicinal virtues are here to be had without theexpense and hazard of a dispensary: You may sleep without dreaming ofbottles at your tail, and a looking-glass shall not affright you; andsince the glass bubble proved as brittle as its ware, and broke togetherwith itself the hopes of its proprietors, they may make themselves wholeby subscribing to our new fund. 

Here indeed may be made three very grave objections, by incredulousinterested priests, ambitious citizens, and scrupulous statesmen. Thestocking manufactory gentlemen don't know how swearing can bring 'em toany probability of covering their legs anew, unless it be by the meansof a pair of stocks: That the hemp-snared men apprehend, that such anencouragement for oaths can tend to no other advancement, promotion, andexaltation of their persons, than that of the gallows: The late oldordinary, Paul, [25] having grown grey in the habit of making thisaccurate observation in every month's Session-Paper, "That swearing hadas great a hand in the suspension of every living soul under his cure, as Sabbath-breaking itself;" and that the glass-bubble-men cannot, fortheir lives, with the best pair of spectacles, that is the only thingleft neat and whole, out of all their wares, see how they shall makeanything out of this his oath-project, supposing he should even confirmby one its goodness: An oath being, as they say, as brittle as glass, and only made to be broken. 

But those incredulous priests shall not go without an answer, that will, I am sure, induce them to place a great confidence in the benefitarising from Christians, who damn themselves every hour of the day. Forwhile they speak of the vainness and fickleness of oaths, as anobjection against our project, they little consider that this ficklenessand vainness is the common practice among all the people of thissublunary world; and that consequently, instead of being an objectionagainst the project, is a concluding argument of the constancy andsolidity of their sure gain by it; a never-failing argument, as he tellsus, among the brethren of his cloth. 

The ambitious citizens, who from being plunged deep in the wealthywhirlpool of the South-Sea, are in hopes of rising to such seats offortune and dignity, as would best suit with their mounting and aspiringhopes, may imagine that this new fund, in the sister nation, may prove arival to theirs; and, by drawing off a multitude of subscribers, will, if it makes a flood in Ireland, cause an ebb in England. But it may beanswered, that, though our author avers, that this fund will vie withthe South-Sea, yet it will not clash with it. On the contrary, thesubscribers to this must wish the increase of the South-Sea, (so farfrom being its rival); because the multitude of people raised by it, whowere plain-speakers, as they were plain-dealers before, must learn toswear, in order to become their clothes, and to be gentlemen _à lamode_; while those that are ruined, I mean Job'd by it, will dismiss thepatience of their old pattern, swear at their condition, and curse theirMaker in their distress; and so the increase of that English fund willbe demonstratively an ample augmentation of the Irish one: So far willit be from being rivalled by it, so that each of them may subscribe to afund they have their own security for augmenting. 

The scrupulous statesmen (for we know that statesmen are usually veryscrupulous) may object against having this project secured by votes inParliament; by reason, as they may deem it, in their great wisdom, animpious project; and that therefore so illustrious an assembly, as theIrish parliament, ought, by no means, according to the opinion of aChristian statesman, to be concerned in supporting an impious thing inthe world. The way that some may take to prove it impious, is, becauseit will tend highly to the interest of swearing. --But this I take to beplain downright sophistry, and playing upon words: If this be called theSwearing project, or the Oath-act, the increase of swearing will be verymuch for the benefit and interest of swearing, (_i. E. _) to thesubscribers in the fund to be raised by this fruitful Swearing-act, ifit should be so called; but not to the swearers themselves, who are topay for it: So that it will be, according to this distinction, piouslyindeed an act for a benefit to mankind, _from_ swearing, not_impiously_, a benefit _in swearing_: So that I think that argumententirely answered and defeated. Far be it from the Dean to have enteredinto so unchristian a project, as this had been, so considered. But thenthese politicians (being generally, as the world knows, mighty tender ofconscience) may raise these new doubts, fears, and scruples, _viz. _ thatit will however cause the subscribers to wish, in their minds, for manyoaths to fly about, which is a heinous crime, and to lay stratagems totry the patience of men of all sorts, to put them upon the swearingstrain, in order to bring grist to their own mill, which is a crimestill more enormous; and that therefore, for fear of these evilconsequences, the passing of such an act is not consistent with thereally extraordinary and tender conscience of a true modern politician. But in answer to this, I think I can plead the strongest plea in nature, and that is called precedent, I think; which I take thus from theSouth-Sea: One man, by the very nature of that subscription, mustnaturally pray for the temporal damnation of another man in his fortune, in order for gaining his own salvation in it; yea, even though he knowsthe other man's temporal damnation would be the cause of his eternal, byhis swearing and despairing. Neither do I think this in casuistry andsin, because the swearing, undone man is a free agent, and can choosewhether he will swear or no, anybody's wishes whatsoever to the contrarynotwithstanding: And in politics I am sure it is even a Machiavellianholy maxim, "That some men should be ruined for the good of others. "Thus I think I have answered all the objections that can be broughtagainst this project's coming to perfection, and proved it to beconvenient for the state, of interest to the Protestant church, andconsonant with Christianity, nay, with the very scruples of modern, squeamish statesmen. 

To conclude: The laudable author of this project squares the measures ofit so much according to the scripture rule, it may reasonably bepresumed, that all good Christians in England will come as fast into thesubscriptions for his encouragement, as they have already donethroughout the kingdom of Ireland. For what greater proof could thisauthor give of his Christianity, than, for bringing about thisSwearing-act, charitably to part with his coat, and sit starving in avery thin waistcoat in his garret, to do the corporal virtues of feedingand clothing the poor, and raising them from the cottage to the palace, by punishing the vices of the rich. What more could have been done evenin the primitive times!

 THOMAS HOPE. 

 From my House in St. Faith's Parish, London, August 10, 1720. 

P. S. --For the benefit of the author, application may be made to me atthe Tilt-Yard Coffee-house, Whitehall. 

THE SWEARER'S BANK. 

 NOTE. 

 The plan for the establishment of a National Bank in Dublin was first put forward in 1720 in the form of a petition presented to the King by the Earl of Abercorn, Viscount Boyne, Sir Ralph Gore, and others. It was proposed to raise a fund of £500, 000 for the purpose of loaning money to merchants at a comparatively low rate of interest. The King approved of the petition, and directed that a charter of incorporation for such a bank should pass the Great Seal of Ireland. When the matter came up for discussion in the Irish Houses of Legislature, both the Lords and Commons rejected the proposal on the ground that no safe foundation for such an establishment could be found. (See note _post_. )

 During and after the discussion on this project in the legislature a pamphlet controversy arose in which two able writers distinguished themselves--Mr. Henry Maxwell and Mr. Hercules Rowley. The former was in favour of the bank while Mr. Rowley was against it. 

 Mr. Maxwell argued soundly from the ground on which all banking institutions were founded. Mr. Rowley, however, pointed out that the condition of Ireland, dependent as that country was on England's whims, and interfered with as she always had been, by English selfishness, in her commercial and industrial enterprises, would not be bettered were the bank to prove even a great success. For, should the bank be found in any way to touch the trade of England, it might be taken for granted that its charter would be repealed, and Ireland find itself in a worse state than it was before. 

 The pamphlets written by these gentlemen bear the following titles:

 (1) Reasons offer'd for erecting a Bank in Ireland; in a letter to Hercules Rowley, Esq. , by Henry Maxwell, Esq. Dublin, 1721. 

 (2) An Answer to a Book, intitled Reasons offered for erecting a Bank in Ireland. In a Letter to Henry Maxwell, Esq. By Hercules Rowley, Esq. Dublin, 1721. 

 (3) Mr. Maxwell's Second Letter to Mr. Rowley, wherein the objections against the Bank are answered. Dublin, 1721. 

 (4) An answer to Mr. Maxwell's Second Letter to Mr. Rowley, concerning the Bank. By Hercules Rowley, Esq. Dublin, 1721. 

 * * * * *

 Sir Walter Scott, in his edition of Swift's works, reprints these pamphlets. The text of the present edition of "The Swearer's Bank" is based on that published in London in 1720. 

 [T. S. ]

THE

_Swearer's_-Bank:

OR, Parliamentary Security

FOR

Establishing a new BANK

IN

_IRELAND_. 

WHEREIN

The Medicinal Use of OATHS is considered. 

(WITH

The _Best in Christendom_. A TALE. )

 * * * * *

_Written by Dean_ SWIFT. 

 * * * * *

_Si Populus vult decipi decipiatur. _

 * * * * *

To which is prefixed, An ESSAY upon _English_ BUBBLES. 

_By_ THOMAS HOPE, _Esq_;

 * * * * *

_DUBLIN_:

Printed by THOMAS HUME, next Door to the _Walsh's-Head_ in_Smock-Alley_. 1720. Reprinted at _London_ by J. ROBERTS in_Warwick-Lane_. 

THE SWEARER'S BANK. 

"To believe everything that is said by a certain set of men, and todoubt of nothing they relate, though ever so improbable, " is a maximthat has contributed as much for the time, to the support of Irishbanks, as it ever did to the Popish religion; and they are not onlybeholden to the latter for their foundation, but they have the happinessto have the same patron saint: For Ignorance, the reputed mother of thedevotion of the one, seems to bear the same affectionate relation to thecredit of the other. 

To subscribe to banks, without knowing the scheme or design of them, isnot unlike to some gentlemen's signing addresses without knowing thecontents of them: To engage in a bank that has neither act ofparliament, charter, nor lands to support it, is like sending a ship tosea without bottom; to expect a coach and six by the former, would be asridiculous as to hope a return by the latter. 

It was well known some time ago, that our banks would be included in thebubble-bill; and it was believed those chimeras would necessarily vanishwith the first easterly wind that should inform the town of the royalassent. 

It was very mortifying to several gentlemen, who dreamed of nothing buteasy chariots, on the arrival of the fatal packet, to slip out of theminto their walking shoes. But should those banks, as it is vainlyimagined, be so fortunate as to obtain a charter, and purchase lands;yet on any run on them in a time of invasion, there would be so manystarving proprietors, reviving their old pretensions to land, and abellyful, that the subscribers would be unwilling, upon any call, topart with their money, not knowing what might happen: So that in arebellion, where the success was doubtful, the bank would infalliblybreak. [26]

Since so many gentlemen of this town have had the courage, without anysecurity, to appear in the same paper with a million or two; it ishoped, when they are made sensible of their safety, that they will beprevailed to trust themselves in a neat skin of parchment with a singleone. 

To encourage them, the undertaker proposes the erecting a bank onparliamentary security, and such security as no revolution or change oftimes can affect. 

To take away all jealousy of any private view of the undertaker, heassures the world, that he is now in a garret, in a very thin waistcoat, studying the public good, having given an undeniable pledge of his loveto his country, by pawning his coat, in order to defray the expense ofthe press. 

It is very well known, that by an act of parliament to prevent profaneswearing, the person so offending, on oath made before a magistrate, forfeits a shilling, which may be levied with little difficulty. 

It is almost unnecessary to mention, that this is become a pet-viceamong us; and though age renders us unfit for other vices, yet this, where it takes hold, never leaves us but with our speech. 

So vast a revenue might be raised by the execution of this act, that Ihave often wondered, in such a scarcity of funds, that methods have notbeen taken to make it serviceable to the public. 

I dare venture to say, if this act was well executed in England, therevenue of it applied to the navy, would make the English fleet a terrorto all Europe. 

It is computed by geographers, that there are two millions in thiskingdom, (of Ireland) of which number there may be said to be a millionof swearing souls. 

It is thought there may be five thousand gentlemen; every gentleman, taking one with another, may afford to swear an oath every day, whichwill yearly produce one million, eight hundred, twenty-five thousandoaths, which number of shillings makes the yearly sum of ninety-onethousand, two hundred and fifty pounds. 

The farmers of this kingdom, who are computed to be ten thousand, areable to spend yearly five hundred thousand oaths, which givestwenty-five thousand pounds; and it is conjectured, that from the bulkof the people twenty, or five-and-twenty thousand pounds may be yearlycollected. 

These computations are very modest, since it is evident that there is amuch greater consumption of oaths in this kingdom, and consequently amuch greater sum might be yearly raised. 

That it may be collected with ease and regularity, it is proposed tosettle informers in great towns in proportion to the number ofinhabitants, and to have riding-officers in the country; and sincenothing brings a greater contempt on any profession than poverty, it isdetermined to settle very handsome salaries on the gentlemen that areemployed by the bank, that they may, by a generosity of living, reconcile men to an office, that has lain under so much scandal of late, as to be undertaken by none but curates, clerks of meeting-houses, andbroken tradesmen. 

It is resolved, that none shall be preferred to those employments, butpersons that are notorious for being constant churchmen, and frequentcommunicants; whose piety will be a sufficient security for their honestand industrious execution of their office. 

It is very probable, that twenty thousand pounds will be necessary todefray all expenses of servants salaries, &c. However, there will be theclear yearly sum of one hundred thousand pounds, which may very justlyclaim a million subscription. 

It is determined to lay out the remaining unapplied profits, which willbe very considerable, towards the erecting and maintaining charityschools; a design so beneficial to the public, and especially to theProtestant interest of this kingdom, has met with so much encouragementfrom several great patriots in England, that they have engaged toprocure an act to secure the sole benefit of informing, on this swearingact, to the agents and servants of this new bank. Several of my friendspretend to demonstrate, that this bank will in time vie with the SouthSea Company: They insist, that the army dispend as many oaths yearly aswill produce one hundred thousand pounds _net_. 

There are computed to be one hundred pretty fellows in this town, thatswear fifty oaths a head daily; some of them would think it hard to bestinted to an hundred: This very branch would produce a vast sum yearly. 

The fairs of this kingdom will bring in a vast revenue; the oaths of alittle Connaught one, as well as they could be numbered by two persons, amounted to three thousand. It is true, that it would be impossible toturn all of them into ready money; for a shilling is so great a duty onswearing, that if it was carefully exacted, the common people might aswell pretend to drink wine as to swear; and an oath would be as rareamong them as a clean shirt. 

A servant that I employed to accompany the militia their last musterday, had scored down in the compass of eight hours, three hundred oaths, but as the putting the act in execution on those days, would only fillthe stocks with porters, and pawn-shops with muskets and swords: And asit would be matter of great joy to Papists, and disaffected persons, tosee our militia swear themselves out of their guns and swords, it isresolved, that no advantage shall be taken of any militiaman's swearingwhile he is under arms; nor shall any advantage be taken of any man'sswearing in the Four Courts provided he is at hearing in the exchequer, or has just paid off an attorney's bill. 

The medicinal use of oaths is what the undertaker would by no meansdiscourage, especially where it is necessary to help the lungs to throwoff any distilling humour. On certificate of a course of swearingprescribed by any physician, a permit will be given to the patient bythe proper officer of the bank, paying no more but sixpence. It isexpected, that a scheme of so much advantage to the public will meetwith more encouragement than their chimerical banks; and the undertakerhopes, that as he has spent a considerable fortune in bringing thisscheme to bear, he may have the satisfaction to see it take place, forthe public good, though he should have the fate of most projectors, tobe undone. 

It is resolved, that no compositions shall be made, nor licences grantedfor swearing, under a notion of applying the money to pious uses; apractice so scandalous as is fit only for the see of Rome, where themoney arising from whoring licences is applied _ad propagandam fidem_:And to the shame of Smock-alley, and of all Protestant whores, (especially those who live under the light of the Gospel-ministry) be itspoken, a whore in Rome never lies down, but she hopes it will be themeans of converting some poor heathen, or heretic. 

The swearing revenues of the town of Cork will be given for ever, by thebank, to the support of poor clergymen's widows; and those of Ringsendwill be allowed to the maintenance of sailors' bastards. 

The undertaker designs, in a few days, to appoint time and place fortaking subscriptions; the subscribers must come prepared to pay down onefourth, on subscribing. 

POSTSCRIPT. 

The Jews of Rotterdam have offered to farm the revenues of Dublin attwenty thousand pounds _per ann. _ Several eminent Quakers are alsowilling to take them at that rent; but the undertaker has rejected theirproposals, being resolved to deal with none but Christians. 

Application may be made to him about them, any day at Pat'scoffee-house, where attendance will be given. 

A LETTER

TO THE

KING AT ARMS. 

[FROM A REPUTED ESQUIRE, [27] ONE OF THE SUBSCRIBERS TO THE BANK. ]

_November 18, 1721. _

SIR, In a late printed paper, [28] containing some notes and queries upon thatlist of the subscribers' names, which was published by order of thecommissioners for receiving of subscriptions, I find some hints andinnuendoes that would seem to insinuate, as if I and some others wereonly _reputed_ esquires; and our case is referred to you, in your kinglycapacity. I desire you will please to let me know the lowest price of areal esquire's coat of arms: And, if we can agree, I will give my bondto pay you out of the first interest I receive for my subscription;because things are a little low with me at present, by throwing mywhole fortune into the bank, having subscribed for five hundred poundssterling. 

I hope you will not question my pretensions to this title, when I letyou know that my godfather was a justice of peace, and I myself havebeen often a keeper of it. My father was a leader and commander ofhorse, in which post he rode before the greatest lords of the land;[29]and, in long marches, he alone presided over the baggage, advancingdirectly before it. My mother kept open house in Dublin, where severalhundreds were supported with meat and drink, bought at her own charge, or with her personal credit, until some envious brewers and butchersforced her to retire. [30]

As to myself, I have been, for several years, a foot-officer; and it wasmy charge to guard the carriages, behind which I was commanded to stickclose, that they might not be attacked in the rear. I have had thehonour to be a favourite of several fine ladies; who, each of them atdifferent times, gave me such coloured knots and public marks ofdistinction, that every one knew which of them it was to whom I paid myaddress. They would not go into their coach without me, nor willinglydrink unless I gave them the glass with my own hand. They allowed me tocall them my mistresses, and owned that title publicly. I have beentold, that the true ancient employment of a squire was to carry aknight's shield, painted with his colours and coat of arms. This is whatI have witnesses to produce that I have often done; not indeed in ashield, like my predecessors, but that which is full as good, I havecarried the colours of a knight upon my coat. [31] I have likewise bornethe king's arms in my hand, as a mark of authority;[32] and hung thempainted before my dwelling-house, as a mark of my calling:[33] So that Imay truly say, His Majesty's arms have been my supporters. I have been astrict and constant follower of men of quality, I have diligentlypursued the steps of several squires, and am able to behave myself aswell as the best of them, whenever there shall be occasion. 

I desire it may be no disadvantage to me, that, by the new act ofparliament going to pass for preserving the game, I am not yet qualifiedto keep a greyhound. If this should be the test of squirehood, it willgo hard with a great number of my fraternity, as well as myself, whomust all be unsquired, because a greyhound will not be allowed to keepus company; and it is well known I have been a companion to his betters. What has a greyhound to do with a squireship? Might I not be a realsquire, although there was no such thing as a greyhound in the world?Pray tell me, sir, are greyhounds to be from henceforth the supportersof every squire's coat of arms? Although I cannot keep a greyhound, maynot a greyhound help to keep me? May not I have an order from thegovernors of the bank to keep a greyhound, with a _non obstante_ to theact of parliament, as well as they have created a bank against the votesof the two Houses? But, however, this difficulty will soon be overcome. I am promised _125l. _ a year for subscribing _500l. _; and, of this_500l. _ I am to pay in only _25l. _ ready money: The governors will trustme for the rest, and pay themselves out of the interest by _25l. _ _percent. _ So that I intend to receive only _40l. _ a-year, to qualify me forkeeping my family and a greyhound, and let the remaining _85l. _ go ontill it makes _500l. _ then _1000l. _ then _10, 000l. _ then _100, 000l. _then a million, and so forwards. This, I think, is much better (betwixtyou and me) than keeping fairs, and buying and selling bullocks; bywhich I find, from experience, that little is to be gotten, in thesehard times. I am, SIR, Your friend, and Servant to command, A. B. ESQUIRE. 

_Postscript_. I hope you will favourably represent my case to thepublisher of the paper above-mentioned. 

Direct your letter for A. B. Esquire, at ---- in ----; and, pray, get someparliament-man to frank it, for it will cost a groat postage to thisplace. 

THE

LAST SPEECH AND DYING WORDS

OF

EBENEZER ELLISTON. 

WHO WAS EXECUTED THE SECOND DAY OF MAY, 1722. 

_Published at his desire, for the common good. _

 _N. B. About the time that this speech was written, the Town was much pestered with street-robbers; who, in a barbarous manner would seize on gentlemen, and take them into remote corners, and after they had robbed them, would leave them bound and gagged. It is remarkable, that this speech had so good an effect, that there have been very few robberies of that kind committed since. _[34]

 NOTE. 

 Burke spoke of Swift's tracts of a public nature, relating to Ireland, as "those in which the Dean appears in the best light, because they do honour to his heart as well as his head; furnishing some additional proofs that, though he was very free in his abuse of the inhabitants of that country, as well natives as foreigners, he had their interest sincerely at heart, and perfectly understood it. "

 The following tract on "The Last Words and Dying Speech of Ebenezer Elliston" admirably illustrates Burke's remark. 

 The city of Dublin, at the time Swift wrote, was on a par with some of the lower districts of New York City about twenty years ago, which were dangerous in the extreme to traverse after dark. Robbers in gangs would waylay pedestrians and leave them often badly maltreated and maimed. These thieves and "roughs" became so impudent and brazen in their business that the condition of the city was a disgrace to the municipal government. To put down the nuisance Swift took a characteristic method. Ebenezer Elliston had, about this time, been executed for street robbery. Although given a good education by his parents, he forsook his trade of a silk weaver, and became a gambler and burglar. He was well known to the other gangs which infested Dublin, but his death did not act as a deterrent. Swift, in composing Elliston's pretended dying speech, gave it the flavour and character of authenticity in order to impose on the members of other gangs, and so successful was he in his intention, that the speech was accepted as the real expression of their late companion by the rest and had a most salutary effect. Scott says it was "received as genuine by the banditti who had been companions of his depredations, who were the more easily persuaded of its authenticity as it contained none of the cant usual in the dying speeches composed for malefactors by the Ordinary or the ballad-makers. The threat which it held out of a list deposited with a secure hand, containing their names, crimes, and place of rendezvous, operated for a long time in preventing a repetition of their villanies, which had previously been so common. "

 * * * * *

 The text of the present edition is based on that given by Faulkner in the fourth volume of his edition of Swift printed in Dublin in 1735. 

 [T. S. ]

THE LAST SPEECH AND DYING WORDS OF EBENEZER ELLISTON. 

I am now going to suffer the just punishment for my crimes prescribed bythe law of God and my country. I know it is the constant custom, thatthose who come to this place should have speeches made for them, andcried about in their own hearing, as they are carried to execution; andtruly they are such speeches that although our fraternity be an ignorantilliterate people, they would make a man ashamed to have such nonsenseand false English charged upon him even when he is going to the gallows:They contain a pretended account of our birth and family; of the factfor which we are to die; of our sincere repentance; and a declaration ofour religion. [35] I cannot expect to avoid the same treatment with mypredecessors. However, having had an education one or two degrees betterthan those of my rank and profession;[36] I have been considering eversince my commitment, what it might be proper for me to deliver upon thisoccasion. 

And first, I cannot say from the bottom of my heart, that I am trulysorry for the offence I have given to God and the world; but I am verymuch so, for the bad success of my villainies in bringing me to thisuntimely end. For it is plainly evident, that after having some time agoobtained a pardon from the crown, I again took up my old trade; my evilhabits were so rooted in me, and I was grown so unfit for any otherkind of employment. And therefore although in compliance with myfriends, I resolve to go to the gallows after the usual manner, kneeling, with a book in my hand, and my eyes lift up; yet I shall feelno more devotion in my heart than I have observed in some of mycomrades, who have been drunk among common whores the very night beforetheir execution. I can say further from my own knowledge, that two of myfraternity after they had been hanged, and wonderfully came to life, andmade their escapes, as it sometimes happens, proved afterwards thewickedest rogues I ever knew, and so continued until they were hangedagain for good and all; and yet they had the impudence at both timesthey went to the gallows, to smite their breasts, and lift up their eyesto Heaven all the way. 

Secondly, From the knowledge I have of my own wicked dispositions andthat of my comrades, I give it as my opinion, that nothing can be moreunfortunate to the public, than the mercy of the government in everpardoning or transporting us; unless when we betray one another, as wenever fail to do, if we are sure to be well paid; and then a pardon maydo good; by the same rule, "That it is better to have but one fox in afarm than three or four. " But we generally make a shift to return afterbeing transported, and are ten times greater rogues than before, andmuch more cunning. Besides, I know it by experience, that some hopes wehave of finding mercy, when we are tried, or after we are condemned, isalways a great encouragement to us. 

Thirdly, Nothing is more dangerous to idle young fellows, than thecompany of those odious common whores we frequent, and of which thistown is full: These wretches put us upon all mischief to feed theirlusts and extravagancies: They are ten times more bloody and cruel thanmen; their advice is always not to spare if we are pursued; they getdrunk with us, and are common to us all; and yet, if they can getanything by it, are sure to be our betrayers. 

Now, as I am a dying man, I have done something which may be of good useto the public. I have left with an honest man (and indeed the onlyhonest man I was ever acquainted with) the names of all my wickedbrethren, the present places of their abode, with a short account of thechief crimes they have committed; in many of which I have been theiraccomplice, and heard the rest from their own mouths: I have likewiseset down the names of those we call our setters, of the wicked houses wefrequent, and of those who receive and buy our stolen goods. I havesolemnly charged this honest man, and have received his promise uponoath, that whenever he hears of any rogue to be tried for robbing, orhouse-breaking, he will look into his list, and if he finds the namethere of the thief concerned, to send the whole paper to the government. Of this I here give my companions fair and public warning, and hope theywill take it. 

In the paper above mentioned, which I left with my friend, I have alsoset down the names of several gentlemen who have been robbed in Dublinstreets for three years past: I have told the circumstances of thoserobberies; and shewn plainly that nothing but the want of common couragewas the cause of their misfortunes. I have therefore desired my friend, that whenever any gentlemen happens to be robbed in the streets, he willget that relation printed and published with the first letters of thosegentlemen's names, who by their own want of bravery are likely to be thecause of all the mischief of that kind, which may happen for the future. 

I cannot leave the world without a short description of that kind oflife, which I have led for some years past; and is exactly the same withthe rest of our wicked brethren. 

Although we are generally so corrupted from our childhood, as to have nosense of goodness; yet something heavy always hangs about us, I know notwhat it is, that we are never easy till we are half drunk among ourwhores and companions; nor sleep sound, unless we drink longer than wecan stand. If we go abroad in the day, a wise man would easily find usto be rogues by our faces; we have such a suspicious, fearful, andconstrained countenance; often turning back, and slinking through narrowlanes and alleys. I have never failed of knowing a brother thief by hislooks, though I never saw him before. Every man among us keeps hisparticular whore, who is however common to us all, when we have a mindto change. When we have got a booty, if it be in money, we divide itequally among our companions, and soon squander it away on our vices inthose houses that receive us; for the master and mistress, and the verytapster, go snacks; and besides make us pay treble reckonings. If ourplunder be plate, watches, rings, snuff-boxes, and the like; we havecustomers in all quarters of the town to take them off. I have seen atankard worth fifteen pounds sold to a fellow in ---- street for twentyshillings; and a gold watch for thirty. I have set down his name, andthat of several others in the paper already mentioned. We have setterswatching in corners, and by dead walls, to give us notice when agentleman goes by; especially if he be anything in drink. I believe inmy conscience, that if an account were made of a thousand pounds instolen goods; considering the low rates we sell them at, the bribes wemust give for concealment, the extortions of alehouse-reckonings, andother necessary charges, there would not remain fifty pounds clear to bedivided among the robbers. And out of this we must find clothes for ourwhores, besides treating them from morning to night; who, in requital, reward us with nothing but treachery and the pox. For when our money isgone, they are every moment threatening to inform against us, if we willnot go out to look for more. If anything in this world be like hell, asI have heard it described by our clergy; the truest picture of it mustbe in the back-room of one of our ale-houses at midnight; where a crew ofrobbers and their whores are met together after a booty, and arebeginning to grow drunk, from which time, until they are past theirsenses, is such a continued horrible noise of cursing, blasphemy, lewdness, scurrility, and brutish behaviour; such roaring and confusion, such a clatter of mugs and pots at each other's heads, that Bedlam, incomparison, is a sober and orderly place: At last they all tumble fromtheir stools and benches, and sleep away the rest of the night; andgenerally the landlord or his wife, or some other whore who has astronger head than the rest, picks their pockets before they wake. Themisfortune is, that we can never be easy till we are drunk; and ourdrunkenness constantly exposes us to be more easily betrayed and taken. 

This is a short picture of the life I have led; which is more miserablethan that of the poorest labourer who works for four pence a day; andyet custom is so strong, that I am confident, if I could make my escapeat the foot of the gallows, I should be following the same course thisvery evening. So that upon the whole, we ought to be looked upon as thecommon enemies of mankind; whose interest it is to root us out likeswolves, and other mischievous vermin, against which no fair play isrequired. 

If I have done service to men in what I have said, I shall hope I havedone service to God; and that will be better than a silly speech madefor me full of whining and canting, which I utterly despise, and havenever been used to; yet such a one I expect to have my ears tormentedwith, as I am passing along the streets. 

Good people fare ye well; bad as I am, I leave many worse behind me. Ihope you shall see me die like a man, the death of a dog. E. E. 

THE TRUTH

OF SOME

MAXIMS IN STATE AND GOVERNMENT, EXAMINED

WITH REFERENCE TO IRELAND. 

 NOTE. 

 These maxims, written in the year 1724, may be taken as Swift's opening of his campaign against the oppressive legislation of England which had brought Ireland to the degraded and poverty-stricken condition it existed in at the time he wrote. Burke characterizes these maxims as "a collection of State Paradoxes, abounding with great sense and penetration. " The subjects they touch on are dealt with in greater detail in the tracts which follow in this volume, and the reader is referred to them and the notes for the causes which had brought Ireland in so low a state. 

 * * * * *

 The text of the present edition is based on that given by Deane Swift in the eighth volume of the edition of 1765. 

 [T. S. ]

MAXIMS CONTROLLED[37] IN IRELAND. 

There are certain maxims of state, founded upon long observation andexperience, drawn from the constant practice of the wisest nations, andfrom the very principles of government, nor ever controlled by anywriter upon politics. Yet all these maxims do necessarily presuppose akingdom, or commonwealth, to have the same natural rights common to therest of mankind, who have entered into civil society; for if we couldconceive a nation where each of the inhabitants had but one eye, oneleg, and one hand, it is plain that, before you could institute theminto a republic, an allowance must be made for those material defectswherein they differed from other mortals. Or, imagine a legislatorforming a system for the government of Bedlam, and, proceeding upon themaxim that man is a sociable animal, should draw them out of theircells, and form them into corporations or general assemblies; theconsequence might probably be, that they would fall foul on each other, or burn the house over their own heads. 

Of the like nature are innumerable errors committed by crude and shortthinkers, who reason upon general topics, without the least allowancefor the most important circumstances, which quite alter the nature ofthe case. 

This hath been the fate of those small dealers, who are every daypublishing their thoughts, either on paper or in their assemblies, forimproving the trade of Ireland, and referring us to the practice andexample of England, Holland, France, or other nations. 

I shall, therefore, examine certain maxims of government, whichgenerally pass for uncontrolled in the world, and consider how far theywill suit with the present condition of this kingdom. 

First, It is affirmed by wise men, that "The dearness of thingsnecessary for life, in a fruitful country, is a certain sign of wealthand great commerce;" for when such necessaries are dear, it mustabsolutely follow that money is cheap and plentiful. 

But this is manifestly false in Ireland, for the following reason. Someyears ago, the species of money here did probably amount to six or sevenhundred thousand pounds;[38] and I have good cause to believe, that ourremittances then did not much exceed the cash brought in to us. But, theprodigious discouragements we have since received in every branch of ourtrade, by the frequent enforcements and rigorous execution of thenavigation-act, [39] the tyranny of under custom-house officers, theyearly addition of absentees, the payments to regiments abroad, to civiland military officers residing in England, the unexpected sudden demandsof great sums from the treasury, and some other drains of perhaps asgreat consequence, [40] we now see ourselves reduced to a state (since wehave no friends) of being pitied by our enemies; at least, if ourenemies were of such a kind, as to be capable of any regard towards usexcept of hatred and contempt. 

Forty years are now passed since the Revolution, when the contention ofthe British Empire was, most unfortunately for us, and altogetheragainst the usual course of such mighty changes in government, decidedin the least important nation; but with such ravages and ruin executedon both sides, as to leave the kingdom a desert, which in some sort itstill continues. Neither did the long rebellions in 1641, make half sucha destruction of houses, plantations, and personal wealth, in bothkingdoms, as two years campaigns did in ours, by fighting England'sbattles. 

By slow degrees, and by the gentle treatment we received under twoauspicious reigns, [41] we grew able to live without running in debt. Ourabsentees were but few: we had great indulgence in trade, a considerableshare in employments of church and state; and while the short leasescontinued, which were let some years after the war ended, tenants paidtheir rents with ease and cheerfulness, to the great regret of theirlandlords, who had taken up a spirit of oppression that is not easilyremoved. And although, in these short leases, the rent was gradually toincrease after short periods, yet, as soon as the terms elapsed, theland was let to the highest bidder, most commonly without the leasteffectual clause for building or planting. Yet, by many advantages, which this island then possessed, and hath since utterly lost, the rentsof lands still grew higher upon every lease that expired, till they havearrived at the present exorbitance; when the frog, over-swellinghimself, burst at last. 

With the price of land of necessity rose that of corn and cattle, andall other commodities that farmers deal in: hence likewise, obviously, the rates of all goods and manufactures among shopkeepers, the wages ofservants, and hire of labourers. But although our miseries came on fast, with neither trade nor money left; yet neither will the landlord abatein his rent, nor can the tenant abate in the price of what that rentmust be paid with, nor any shopkeeper, tradesman, or labourer live, atlower expense for food and clothing, than he did before. 

I have been the larger upon this first head, because the sameobservations will clear up and strengthen a good deal of what I shallaffirm upon the rest. 

The second maxim of those who reason upon trade and government, is, toassert that "Low interest is a certain sign of great plenty of money ina nation, " for which, as in many other articles, they produce theexamples of Holland and England. But, with relation to Ireland, thismaxim is likewise entirely false. 

There are two reasons for the lowness of interest in any country. First, that which is usually alleged, the great plenty of species; and this isobvious. The second is, the want of trade, which seldom falls undercommon observation, although it be equally true: for, where trade isaltogether discouraged, there are few borrowers. In those countrieswhere men can employ a large stock, the young merchant, whose fortunemay be four or five hundred pounds, will venture to borrow as much more, and can afford a reasonable interest. Neither is it easy, at this day, to find many of those, whose business reaches to employ even soinconsiderable a sum, except among the importers of wine, who, as theyhave most part of the present trade in these parts of Ireland in theirhands, so they are the most exorbitant, exacting, fraudulent dealers, that ever trafficked in any nation, and are making all possible speed toruin both themselves and the nation. 

From this defect of gentlemen's not knowing how to dispose of theirready money, ariseth the high purchase of lands, which in all othercountries is reckoned a sign of wealth. For, the frugal squires, wholive below their incomes, have no other way to dispose of their savingsbut by mortgage or purchase, by which the rates of land must naturallyincrease; and if this trade continues long, under the uncertainty ofrents, the landed men of ready money will find it more for theiradvantage to send their cash to England, and place it in the funds;which I myself am determined to do, the first considerable sum I shallbe master of. 

It hath likewise been a maxim among politicians, "That the greatincrease of buildings in the metropolis, argues a flourishing state. "But this, I confess, hath been controlled from the example of London;where, by the long and annual parliamentary session, such a number ofsenators, with their families, friends, adherents, and expectants, drawsuch prodigious numbers to that city, that the old hospitable custom oflords and gentlemen living in their ancient seats among their tenants, is almost lost in England; is laughed out of doors; insomuch that, inthe middle of summer, a legal House of Lords and Commons might bebrought in a few hours to London, from their country villas withintwelve miles round. 

The case in Ireland is yet somewhat worse: For the absentees of greatestates, who, if they lived at home, would have many rich retainers intheir neighbourhoods, have learned to rack their lands, and shortentheir leases, as much as any residing squire; and the few remaining ofthese latter, having some vain hope of employments for themselves, ortheir children, and discouraged by the beggarliness and thievery oftheir own miserable farmers and cottagers, or seduced by the vanity oftheir wives, on pretence of their children's education (whereof thefruits are so apparent, ) together with that most wonderful, and yet moreunaccountable zeal, for a seat in their assembly, though at some years'purchase of their whole estates: these, and some other motives betterlet pass, have drawn such a concourse to this beggarly city, that thedealers of the several branches of building have found out all thecommodious and inviting places for erecting new houses; while fifteenhundred of the old ones, which is a seventh part of the whole city, aresaid to be left uninhabited, and falling to ruin. Their method is thesame with that which was first introduced by Dr. Barebone at London, whodied a bankrupt. [42] The mason, the bricklayer, the carpenter, theslater, and the glazier, take a lot of ground, club to build one or morehouses, unite their credit, their stock, and their money; and when theirwork is finished, sell it to the best advantage they can. But, as itoften happens, and more every day, that their fund will not answer halftheir design, they are forced to undersell it at the first story, andare all reduced to beggary. Insomuch, that I know a certain fanaticbrewer, who is reported to have some hundreds of houses in this town, issaid to have purchased the greater part of them at half value fromruined undertakers; hath intelligence of all new houses where thefinishing is at a stand, takes advantage of the builder's distress, and, by the advantage of ready money, gets fifty _per cent. _ at least for hisbargain. 

It is another undisputed maxim in government, "That people are theriches of a nation;" which is so universally granted, that it will behardly pardonable to bring it in doubt. And I will grant it to be so fartrue, even in this island, that if we had the African custom, orprivilege, of selling our useless bodies for slaves to foreigners, itwould be the most useful branch of our trade, by ridding us of a mostunsupportable burthen, and bringing us money in the stead. But, in ourpresent situation, at least five children in six who are born, lie adead weight upon us, for want of employment. And a very skilful computerassured me, that above one half of the souls in this kingdom supportedthemselves by begging and thievery; whereof two thirds would be able toget their bread in any other country upon earth. [43] Trade is the onlyincitement to labour; where that fails, the poorer native must eitherbeg, steal, or starve, or be forced to quit his country. This hath mademe often wish, for some years past, that instead of discouraging ourpeople from seeking foreign soil, the public would rather pay fortransporting all our unnecessary mortals, whether Papists orProtestants, to America; as drawbacks are sometimes allowed forexporting commodities, where a nation is overstocked. I confess myselfto be touched with a very sensible pleasure, when I hear of a mortalityin any country parish or village, where the wretches are forced to payfor a filthy cabin, and two ridges of potatoes, treble the worth;brought up to steal or beg, for want of work; to whom death would be thebest thing to be wished for on account both of themselves and thepublic. [44]

Among all taxes imposed by the legislature, those upon luxury areuniversally allowed to be the most equitable, and beneficial to thesubject; and the commonest reasoner on government might fill a volumewith arguments on the subject. Yet here again, by the singular fate ofIreland, this maxim is utterly false; and the putting it in practice mayhave such pernicious a consequence, as, I certainly believe, thethoughts of the proposers were not able to reach. 

The miseries we suffer by our absentees, are of a far more extensivenature than seems to be commonly understood. I must vindicate myself tothe reader so far, as to declare solemnly, that what I shall say ofthose lords and squires, doth not arise from the least regard I have fortheir understandings, their virtues, or their persons: for, although Ihave not the honour of the least acquaintance with any one among them, (my ambition not soaring so high) yet I am too good a witness of thesituation they have been in for thirty years past; the veneration paidthem by the people, the high esteem they are in among the prime nobilityand gentry, the particular marks of favour and distinction they receivefrom the Court; the weight and consequence of their interest, added totheir great zeal and application for preventing any hardships theircountry might suffer from England, wisely considering that their ownfortunes and honours were embarked in the same bottom. 

THE

BLUNDERS, DEFICIENCIES, DISTRESSES, AND MISFORTUNES OF QUILCA. 

PROPOSED TO CONTAIN ONE AND TWENTY VOLUMES IN QUARTO

_Begun April 20, 1724. To be continued Weekly, if due Encouragement begiven. _

 NOTE. 

 Swift's friends in Ireland were not many. He had no high opinion of the people with whom he was compelled to live. But among those who displeased him least, to use the phrase he employed in writing to Pope, was a kindly and warm-hearted scholar named Sheridan. Sheridan must have taken Swift's fancy, since they spent much time together and wrote each other verses and nonsense rhymes. He had failed in his attempt to keep up a school in Dublin, and refused the headmastership of the school of Armagh which Lord Primate Lindsay had offered him, through Swift's efforts. Swift however obtained for him, from Carteret, one of the chaplaincies of the Lord-Lieutenant and a small living near Cork. Unfortunately Sheridan was struck off from the list of chaplains on the information of one Richard Tighe who reported that Sheridan, on the anniversary of the accession of the House of Hanover, had preached from the text "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. " Poor Sheridan had been totally unconscious of committing any indiscretion, but he could not deny the fact. 

 It was at Quilca, a small county village, near Kells, that Sheridan was accustomed to spend his vacations with his family at a small house he owned there. Swift used often to use this house, at Sheridan's desire, and spent many days there in quiet enjoyment with Mrs. Dingley and Esther Johnson. The place and his life there he has attempted to describe in the following piece; but the description may also stand, as Scott observes, as "no bad supplement to Swift's account of Ireland. "

 * * * * *

 The text here given is based on that printed in the eighth volume of the Edinburgh edition of 1761. 

 [T. S. ]

THE

BLUNDERS, DEFICIENCIES, DISTRESSES, AND MISFORTUNES OF QUILCA. [45]

But one lock and a half in the whole house. 

The key of the garden door lost. 

The empty bottles all uncleanable. 

The vessels for drink few and leaky. 

The new house all going to ruin before it is finished. 

One hinge of the street door broke off, and the people forced to go outand come in at the back-door. 

The door of the Dean's bed-chamber full of large chinks. 

The beaufet letting in so much wind that it almost blows out thecandles. 

The Dean's bed threatening every night to fall under him. 

The little table loose and broken in the joints. 

The passages open over head, by which the cats pass continually into thecellar, and eat the victuals; for which one was tried, condemned, andexecuted by the sword. 

The large table in a very tottering condition. 

But one chair in the house fit for sitting on, and that in a very illstate of health. 

The kitchen perpetually crowded with savages. 

Not a bit of mutton to be had in the country. 

Want of beds, and a mutiny thereupon among the servants, till suppliedfrom Kells. 

An egregious want of all the most common necessary utensils. 

Not a bit of turf in this cold weather; and Mrs. Johnson[46] and theDean in person, with all their servants, forced to assist at the bog, ingathering up the wet bottoms of old clamps. 

The grate in the ladies' bed-chamber broke, and forced to be removed, bywhich they were compelled to be without fire; the chimney smokingintolerably; and the Dean's great-coat was employed to stop the windfrom coming down the chimney, without which expedient they must havebeen starved to death. 

A messenger sent a mile to borrow an old broken tun-dish. 

Bottles stopped with bits of wood and tow, instead of corks. 

Not one utensil for a fire, except an old pair of tongs, which travelsthrough the house, and is likewise employed to take the meat out of thepot, for want of a flesh-fork. 

Every servant an arrant thief as to victuals and drink, and every comerand goer as arrant a thief of everything he or she can lay their handson. 

The spit blunted with poking into bogs for timber, and tears the meat topieces. 

_Bellum atque foeminam_: or, A kitchen war between nurse and a nastycrew of both sexes; she to preserve order and cleanliness, they todestroy both; and they generally are conquerors. 

_April_ 28. This morning the great fore-door quite open, dancingbackwards and forwards with all its weight upon the lower hinge, whichmust have been broken if the Dean had not accidentally come and relievedit. 

A great hole in the floor of the ladies' chamber, every hour hazarding abroken leg. 

Two damnable iron spikes erect on the Dean's bedstead, by which he is indanger of a broken shin at rising and going to bed. 

The ladies' and Dean's servants growing fast into the manners andthieveries of the natives; the ladies themselves very much corrupted;the Dean perpetually storming, and in danger of either losing all hisflesh, or sinking into barbarity for the sake of peace. 

Mrs. Dingley[47] full of cares for herself, and blunders and negligencefor her friends. Mrs. Johnson sick and helpless. The Dean deaf andfretting; the lady's maid awkward and clumsy; Robert lazy and forgetful;William a pragmatical, ignorant, and conceited puppy; Robin and nursethe two great and only supports of the family. 

_Bellum lacteum_: or, The milky battle, fought between the Dean and thecrew of Quilca; the latter insisting on their privilege of not milkingtill eleven in the forenoon; whereas Mrs. Johnson wanted milk at eightfor her health. In this battle the Dean got the victory; but the crew ofQuilca begin to rebel again; for it is this day almost ten o'clock, andMrs. Johnson hath not got her milk. 

A proverb on the laziness and lodgings of the servants: "The worse theirsty--the longer they lie. "[48]

Two great holes in the wall of the ladies' bed-chamber, just at the backof the bed, and one of them directly behind Mrs. Johnson's pillow, either of which would blow out a candle in the calmest day. 

A

Short VIEW

OF THE

STATE

OF

IRELAND. 

_DUBLIN_:

Printed by _S. HARDING_, next Door to the _Crown_ in _Copper-Alley_, 1727-8. 

 NOTE. 

 This tract, written and published towards the end of the year 1728, summarizes the disadvantages under which Ireland suffered at the time, and re-enforces the contention that these were mainly due to England's jealousy and stupid indifference. Swift, however, does not lose sight of the fact that the people of Ireland also were somewhat to blame, though in a much less degree. 

 In Dublin, where tracts of this nature had now become almost commonplace and where official interference in their publication had been found unwise and even dangerous, the issue of the "Short View" was effected without any official comment. In England, however, where it was reprinted by Mist the journalist, it was otherwise. Its publication brought down a prosecution on Mist, who, no doubt, numbered this with the many others which were visited upon him. It is an important tract, to which many historians of Ireland have often referred. 

 * * * * *

 The text of the present edition is based on that of the first edition and compared with that given by Sir Walter Scott. 

 [T. S. ]

A SHORT VIEW

OF

THE STATE OF IRELAND. 

I am assured that it hath for some time been practised as a method ofmaking men's court, when they are asked about the rate of lands, theabilities of tenants, the state of trade and manufacture in thisKingdom, and how their rents are paid, to answer, That in theirneighbourhood all things are in a flourishing condition, the rent andpurchase of land every day increasing. And if a gentleman happens to bea little more sincere in his representations, besides being looked on asnot well affected, he is sure to have a dozen contradictors at hiselbow. I think it is no manner of secret why these questions are socordially asked, or so obligingly answered. 

But since with regard to the affairs of this Kingdom, I have been usingall endeavours to subdue my indignation, to which indeed I am notprovoked by any personal interest, being not the owner of one spot ofground in the whole Island, I shall only enumerate by rules generallyknown, and never contradicted, what are the true causes of any country'sflourishing and growing rich, and then examine what effects arise fromthose causes in the Kingdom of Ireland. 

The first cause of a Kingdom's thriving is the fruitfulness of the soil, to produce the necessaries and conveniences of life, not only sufficientfor the inhabitants, but for exportation into other countries. 

The second, is the industry of the people in working up all their nativecommodities to the last degree of manufacture. 

The third, is the conveniency of safe ports and havens, to carry outtheir own goods, as much manufactured, and bring in those of others, aslittle manufactured as the nature of mutual commerce will allow. 

The fourth, is, That the natives should as much as possible, export andimport their goods in vessels of their own timber, made in their owncountry. 

The fifth, is the liberty of a free trade in all foreign countries, which will permit them, except those who are in war with their ownPrince or State. 

The sixth, is, by being governed only by laws made with their ownconsent, for otherwise they are not a free People. And therefore allappeals for justice, or applications, for favour or preferment toanother country, are so many grievous impoverishments. 

The seventh, is, by improvement of land, encouragement of agriculture, and thereby increasing the number of their people, without which anycountry, however blessed by Nature, must continue poor. 

The eighth, is the residence of the Princes, or chief administrators ofthe civil power. 

The ninth, is the concourse of foreigners for education, curiosity orpleasure, or as to a general mart of trade. 

The tenth, is by disposing all offices of honour, profit or trust, onlyto the natives, or at least with very few exceptions, where strangershave long inhabited the country, and are supposed to understand, andregard the interest of it as their own. 

The eleventh is, when the rents of lands, and profits of employments, are spent in the country which produced them, and not in another, theformer of which will certainly happen, where the love of our nativecountry prevails. 

The twelfth, is by the public revenues being all spent and employed athome, except on the occasions of a foreign war. 

The thirteenth, is where the people are not obliged, unless they find itfor their own interest, or conveniency, to receive any monies, except oftheir own coinage by a public mint, after the manner of all civilizednations. 

The fourteenth, is a disposition of the people of a country to weartheir own manufactures, and import as few incitements to luxury, eitherin clothes, furniture, food or drink, as they possibly can liveconveniently without. 

There are many other causes of a Nation's thriving, which I cannot atpresent recollect; but without advantage from at least some of these, after turning my thoughts a long time, I am not able to discover fromwhence our wealth proceeds, and therefore would gladly be betterinformed. In the mean time, I will here examine what share falls toIreland of these causes, or of the effects and consequences. 

It is not my intention to complain, but barely to relate facts, and thematter is not of small importance. For it is allowed, that a man wholives in a solitary house far from help, is not wise in endeavouring toacquire in the neighbourhood, the reputation of being rich, becausethose who come for gold, will go off with pewter and brass, rather thanreturn empty; and in the common practice of the world, those who possessmost wealth, make the least parade, which they leave to others, who havenothing else to bear them out, in shewing their faces on the Exchange. 

As to the first cause of a Nation's riches, being the fertility of thesoil, as well as temperature of climate, we have no reason to complain;for although the quantity of unprofitable land in this Kingdom, reckoning bog, and rock, and barren mountain, be double in proportion towhat it is in England, yet the native productions which both Kingdomsdeal in, are very near on equality in point of goodness, and might withthe same encouragement be as well manufactured. I except mines andminerals, in some of which however we are only defective in point ofskill and industry. 

In the second, which is the industry of the people, our misfortune isnot altogether owing to our own fault, but to a million ofdiscouragements. 

The conveniency of ports and havens which Nature bestowed us soliberally is of no more use to us, than a beautiful prospect to a manshut up in a dungeon. 

As to shipping of its own, this Kingdom is so utterly unprovided, thatof all the excellent timber cut down within these fifty or sixty years, it can hardly be said that the Nation hath received the benefit of onevaluable house to dwell in, or one ship to trade with. 

Ireland is the only Kingdom I ever heard or read of, either in ancientor modern story, which was denied the liberty of exporting their nativecommodities and manufactures wherever they pleased, except to countriesat war with their own Prince or State, yet this by the superiority ofmere power is refused us in the most momentous parts of commerce, [49]besides an Act of Navigation to which we never consented, pinned downupon us, and rigorously executed, [50] and a thousand other unexampledcircumstances as grievous as they are invidious to mention. To go untothe rest. 

It is too well known that we are forced to obey some laws we neverconsented to, which is a condition I must not call by its trueuncontroverted name for fear of my Lord Chief Justice Whitshed's ghostwith his _Libertas et natale solum_, written as a motto on his coach, asit stood at the door of the court, while he was perjuring himself tobetray both. [51] Thus, we are in the condition of patients who havephysic sent them by doctors at a distance, strangers to theirconstitution, and the nature of their disease: And thus, we are forcedto pay five hundred _per cent. _ to divide our properties, in all whichwe have likewise the honour to be distinguished from the whole race ofmankind. 

As to improvement of land, those few who attempt that or planting, through covetousness or want of skill, generally leave things worse thanthey were, neither succeeding in trees nor hedges, and by running intothe fancy of grazing after the manner of the Scythians, are every daydepopulating the country. 

We are so far from having a King to reside among us, that even theViceroy is generally absent four-fifths of his time in the Government. 

No strangers from other countries make this a part of their travels, where they can expect to see nothing but scenes of misery anddesolation. [52]

Those who have the misfortune to be born here, have the least title toany considerable employment to which they are seldom preferred, but upona political consideration. 

One third part of the rents of Ireland is spent in England, which withthe profit of employments, pensions, appeals, journeys of pleasure orhealth, education at the Inns of Court, and both Universities, remittances at pleasure, the pay of all superior officers in the armyand other incidents, will amount to a full half of the income of thewhole Kingdom, all clear profit to England. 

We are denied the liberty of coining gold, silver, or even copper. Inthe Isle of Man, they coin their own silver, every petty Prince, vassalto the Emperor, can coin what money he pleaseth. [53] And in this as inmost of the articles already mentioned, we are an exception to all otherStates or Monarchies that were ever known in the world. 

As to the last, or fourteenth article, we take special care to actdiametrically contrary to it in the whole course of our lives. Bothsexes, but especially the women, despise and abhor to wear any of theirown manufactures, even those which are better made than in othercountries, particularly a sort of silk plaid, through which the workmenare forced to run a sort of gold thread that it may pass for Indian. Even ale and potatoes in great quantity are imported from England aswell as corn, and our foreign trade is little more than importation ofFrench wine, for which I am told we pay ready money. 

Now if all this be true, upon which I could easily enlarge, I would beglad to know by what secret method it is that we grow a rich andflourishing people, without liberty, trade, manufactures, inhabitants, money, or the privilege of coining; without industry, labour orimprovement of lands, and with more than half of the rent and profits ofthe whole Kingdom, annually exported, for which we receive not a singlefarthing: And to make up all this, nothing worth mentioning, except thelinen of the North, a trade casual, corrupted, and at mercy, and somebutter from Cork. If we do flourish, it must be against every law ofNature and Reason, like the thorn at Glastonbury, that blossoms in themidst of Winter. 

Let the worthy Commissioners who come from England ride round theKingdom, and observe the face of Nature, or the face of the natives, theimprovement of the land, the thriving numerous plantations, the noblewoods, the abundance and vicinity of country seats, the commodiousfarmers houses and barns, the towns and villages, where everybody isbusy and thriving with all kind of manufactures, the shops full of goodswrought to perfection, and filled with customers, the comfortable dietand dress, and dwellings of the people, the vast numbers of ships in ourharbours and docks, and shipwrights in our sea-port towns. The roadscrowded with carriers laden with rich manufactures, the perpetualconcourse to and fro of pompous equipages. 

With what envy and admiration would these gentlemen return from sodelightful a progress? What glorious reports would they make when theywent back to England?

But my heart is too heavy to continue this journey[54] longer, for it ismanifest that whatever stranger took such a journey, would be apt tothink himself travelling in Lapland or Ysland, [55] rather than in acountry so favoured by Nature as ours, both in fruitfulness of soil, andtemperature of climate. The miserable dress, and diet, and dwelling ofthe people. The general desolation in most parts of the Kingdom. The oldseats of the nobility and gentry all in ruins, and no new ones in theirstead. The families of farmers who pay great rents, living in filth andnastiness upon butter-milk and potatoes, without a shoe or stocking totheir feet, or a house so convenient as an English hog-sty to receivethem. [56] These indeed may be comfortable sights to an Englishspectator, who comes for a short time only to learn the language, andreturns back to his own country, whither he finds all our wealthtransmitted. 

 _Nostrâ miseriâ magnus es. _

There is not one argument used to prove the riches of Ireland, which isnot a logical demonstration of its poverty. The rise of our rents issqueezed out of the very blood and vitals, and clothes, and dwellings ofthe tenants who live worse than English beggars. The lowness ofinterest, in all other countries a sign of wealth, is in us a proof ofmisery, there being no trade to employ any borrower. Hence alone comesthe dearness of land, since the savers have no other way to lay outtheir money. Hence the dearness of necessaries for life, because thetenants cannot afford to pay such extravagant rates for land (which theymust take, or go a-begging) without raising the price of cattle, and ofcorn, although they should live upon chaff. Hence our increase ofbuildings in this City, because workmen have nothing to do but employone another, and one half of them are infallibly undone. Hence the dailyincrease of bankers, who may be a necessary evil in a trading country, but so ruinous in ours, who for their private advantage have sent awayall our silver, and one third of our gold, so that within three yearspast the running cash of the Nation, which was about five hundredthousand pounds, is now less than two, and must daily diminish unless wehave liberty to coin, as well as that important Kingdom the Isle of Man, and the meanest Prince in the German Empire, as I before observed. [57]

I have sometimes thought, that this paradox of the Kingdom growing rich, is chiefly owing to those worthy gentlemen the BANKERS, who, except somecustom-house officers, birds of passage, oppressive thrifty squires, anda few others that shall be nameless, are the only thriving people amongus: And I have often wished that a law were enacted to hang up half adozen bankers every year, and thereby interpose at least some shortdelay, to the further ruin of Ireland. 

"Ye are idle, ye are idle, " answered Pharaoh to the Israelites, whenthey complained to his Majesty, that they were forced to make brickswithout straw. 

England enjoys every one of these advantages for enriching a Nation, which I have above enumerated, and into the bargain, a good millionreturned to them every year without labour or hazard, or one farthingvalue received on our side. But how long we shall be able to continuethe payment, I am not under the least concern. One thing I know, that_when the hen is starved to death, there will be no more golden eggs_. 

I think it a little unhospitable, and others may call it a subtile pieceof malice, that, because there may be a dozen families in this Town, able to entertain their English friends in a generous manner at theirtables, their guests upon their return to England, shall report that wewallow in riches and luxury. 

Yet I confess I have known an hospital, where all the household officersgrew rich, while the poor for whose sake it was built, were almoststarving for want of food and raiment. 

To conclude. If Ireland be a rich and flourishing Kingdom, its wealthand prosperity must be owing to certain causes, that are yet concealedfrom the whole race of mankind, and the effects are equally invisible. We need not wonder at strangers when they deliver such paradoxes, but anative and inhabitant of this Kingdom, who gives the same verdict, mustbe either ignorant to stupidity, or a man-pleaser at the expense of allhonour, conscience and truth. 

THE STORY

OF THE

INJURED LADY. 

WRITTEN BY HERSELF. 

AND

THE ANSWER TO THE

INJURED LADY. 

 NOTE. 

 Under the guises of a gentleman and two ladies, Swift represents England, Scotland, and Ireland--England being the gentleman and Scotland and Ireland the two mistresses for whom he is affecting an honourable love. The Injured Lady is Ireland, who represents her rival, Scotland, as unworthy of her lover's attention. She expatiates on her own attractions and upbraids him also on his treatment of her. This affords Swift an opportunity for some searching and telling criticism on England's conduct towards Ireland. The fiction is admirably maintained throughout the story. 

 In "The Answer to the Injured Lady" which follows "The Story, " Swift takes it upon himself to give her proper advice for her future conduct towards her lover. In this advice he reiterates what he has always been saying to the people of Ireland, but formulates it in the language affected by the lady herself. He tells her that she should look to it that her "family and tenants have no dependence upon the said gentleman farther than by the old agreement [the Act of Henry VII], which obliges you to have the same steward, and to regulate your household by such methods as you should both agree to"; that she shall be free to carry her goods to any market she pleases; that she shall compel the servants to whom she pays wages to remain at home; and that if she make an agreement with a tenant, it shall not be in his power to break it. If she will only show a proper spirit, he assures her that there are gentlemen who would be glad of an occasion to support her in her resentment. 

 * * * * *

 The text of both the tracts here given is based on that of the earliest edition I could find, namely, that of 1746, collated with that given by Faulkner. 

 [T. S. ]

THE

STORY

OF THE

INJURED LADY. 

Being a true PICTURE of SCOTCH Perfidy, IRISHPoverty, and ENGLISH Partiality. 

WITH

LETTERS and POEMS

Never before Printed. 

 * * * * *

By the Rev. Dr. SWIFT, D. S. P. D. 

 * * * * *

_LONDON_, Printed for M. COOPER, at the _Globe_ in

_Pater-Noster-Row_. MDCCXLVI. 

[Price One Shilling. ]

SIR, Being ruined by the inconstancy and unkindness of a lover, I hope, atrue and plain relation of my misfortunes may be of use and warning tocredulous maids, never to put too much trust in deceitful men. 

A gentleman[58] in the neighbourhood had two mistresses, another andmyself;[59] and he pretended honourable love to us both. Our threehouses stood pretty near one another; his was parted from mine by ariver, [60] and from my rival's by an old broken wall. [61] But before Ienter into the particulars of this gentleman's hard usage of me, I willgive a very just impartial character of my rival and myself. 

As to her person she is tall and lean, and very ill shaped; she hath badfeatures, and a worse complexion; she hath a stinking breath, and twentyill smells about her besides; which are yet more insufferable by hernatural sluttishness; for she is always lousy, and never without theitch. As to other qualities, she hath no reputation either for virtue, honesty, truth, or manners; and it is no wonder, considering what hereducation hath been. Scolding and cursing are her common conversation. To sum up all; she is poor and beggarly, and gets a sorry maintenance bypilfering wherever she comes. As for this gentleman who is now so fondof her, she still beareth him an invincible hatred; revileth him to hisface, and raileth at him in all companies. Her house is frequented by acompany of rogues and thieves, and pickpockets, whom she encourageth torob his hen-roosts, steal his corn and cattle, and do him all manner ofmischief. [62] She hath been known to come at the head of these rascals, and beat her lover until he was sore from head to foot, and then forcehim to pay for the trouble she was at. Once, attended with a crew ofragamuffins, she broke into his house, turned all things topsy-turvy, and then set it on fire. At the same time she told so many lies amonghis servants, that it set them all by the ears, and his poor _Steward_was knocked on the head;[63] for which I think, and so doth all theCountry, that she ought to be answerable. To conclude her character; sheis of a different religion, being a Presbyterian of the most rank andvirulent kind, and consequently having an inveterate hatred to theChurch; yet, I am sure, I have been always told, that in marriage thereought to be an union of minds as well as of persons. 

I will now give my own character, and shall do it in few words, and withmodesty and truth. 

I was reckoned to be as handsome as any in our neighbourhood, until Ibecame pale and thin with grief and ill usage. I am still fair enough, and have, I think, no very ill feature about me. They that see me nowwill hardly allow me ever to have had any great share of beauty; forbesides being so much altered, I go always mobbed and in an undress, aswell out of neglect, as indeed for want of clothes to appear in. I mightadd to all this, that I was born to a good estate, although it nowturneth to little account under the oppressions I endure, and hath beenthe true cause of all my misfortunes. [64]

Some years ago, this gentleman taking a fancy either to my person orfortune, made his addresses to me; which, being then young and foolish, I too readily admitted; he seemed to use me with so much tenderness, andhis conversation was so very engaging, that all my constancy and virtuewere too soon overcome; and, to dwell no longer upon a theme thatcauseth such bitter reflections, I must confess with shame, that I wasundone by the common arts practised upon all easy credulous virgins, half by force, and half by consent, after solemn vows and protestationsof marriage. When he had once got possession, he soon began to play theusual part of a too fortunate lover, affecting on all occasions to shewhis authority, and to act like a conqueror. First, he found fault withthe government of my family, which I grant, was none of the best, consisting of ignorant illiterate creatures; for at that time, I knewbut little of the world. In compliance to him, therefore, I agreed tofall into his ways and methods of living; I consented that hissteward[65] should govern my house, and have liberty to employ anunder-steward, [66] who should receive his directions. My lover proceededfurther, turning away several old servants and tenants, and supplying mewith others from his own house. These grew so domineering andunreasonable, that there was no quiet, and I heard of nothing butperpetual quarrels, which although I could not possibly help, yet mylover laid all the blame and punishment upon me; and upon every fallingout, still turned away more of my people, and supplied me in their steadwith a number of fellows and dependents of his own, whom he had no otherway to provide for. [67] Overcome by love and to avoid noise andcontention, I yielded to all his usurpations, and finding it in vain toresist, I thought it my best policy to make my court to my new servants, and draw them to my interests; I fed them from my own table with thebest I had, put my new tenants on the choice parts of my land, andtreated them all so kindly, that they began to love me as well as theirmaster. In process of time, all my old servants were gone, and I had nota creature about me, nor above one or two tenants but what were of hischoosing; yet I had the good luck by gentle usage to bring over thegreatest part of them to my side. When my lover observed this, he beganto alter his language; and, to those who enquired about me, he wouldanswer, that I was an old dependant upon his family, whom he had placedon some concerns of his own; and he began to use me accordingly, neglecting by degrees all common civility in his behaviour. I shallnever forget the speech he made me one morning, which he delivered withall the gravity in the world. He put me in the mind of the vastobligations I lay under to him, in sending me so many of his people formy own good, and to teach me manners: That it had cost him ten timesmore than I was worth, to maintain me: That it had been much better forhim, if I had been damned, or burnt, or sunk to the bottom of the sea:That it was but reasonable I should strain myself as far as I was able, to reimburse him some of his charges: That from henceforward he expectedhis word should be a law to me in all things: That I must maintain aparish-watch against thieves and robbers, and give salaries to anoverseer, a constable, and others, all of his own choosing, whom hewould send from time to time to be spies upon me: That to enable me thebetter in supporting these expenses, my tenants shall be obliged tocarry all their goods cross the river to his town-market, and pay tollon both sides, and then sell them at half value. [68] But because we werea nasty sort of people, and that he could not endure to touch anythingwe had a hand in, and likewise, because he wanted work to employ his ownfolks, therefore we must send all our goods to his market just in theirnaturals;[69] the milk immediately from the cow without making it intocheese or butter; the corn in the ear, the grass as it is mowed; thewool as it cometh from the sheep's back, and bring the fruit upon thebranch, that he might not be obliged to eat it after our filthy hands:That if a tenant carried but a piece of bread and cheese to eat by theway, or an inch of worsted to mend his stockings, he should forfeit hiswhole parcel: And because a company of rogues usually plied on the riverbetween us, who often robbed my tenants of their goods and boats, heordered a waterman of his to guard them, whose manner was to be out ofthe way until the poor wretches were plundered; then to overtake thethieves, and seize all as lawful prize to his master and himself. Itwould be endless to repeat a hundred other hardships he hath put uponme; but it is a general rule, that whenever he imagines the smallestadvantage will redound to one of his footboys by any new oppression ofme and my whole family and estate, he never disputeth it a moment. Allthis hath rendered me so very insignificant and contemptible at home, that some servants to whom I pay the greatest wages, and many tenantswho have the most beneficial leases, are gone over to live with him; yetI am bound to continue their wages, and pay their rents;[70] by whichmeans one third part of my whole income is spent on his estate, andabove another third by his tolls and markets; and my poor tenants are sosunk and impoverished, that, instead of maintaining me suitably to myquality, they can hardly find me clothes to keep me warm, or provide thecommon necessaries of life for themselves. 

Matters being in this posture between me and my lover; I receivedintelligence that he had been for some time making very pressingovertures of marriage to my rival, until there happened somemisunderstandings between them; she gave him ill words, and threatenedto break off all commerce with him. He, on the other side, having eitheracquired courage by his triumphs over me, or supposing her as tame afool as I, thought at first to carry it with a high hand; but hearing atthe same time, that she had thoughts of making some private proposals tojoin with me against him, and doubting, with very good reason, that Iwould readily accept them, he seemed very much disconcerted. [71] This Ithought was a proper occasion to shew some great example of generosityand love, and so, without further consideration, I sent him word, thathearing there was likely to be a quarrel between him and my rival;notwithstanding all that had passed, and without binding him to anyconditions in my own favour, I would stand by him against her and allthe world, while I had a penny in my purse, or a petticoat to pawn. Thismessage was subscribed by all my chief tenants; and proved so powerful, that my rival immediately grew more tractable upon it. The result ofwhich was, that there is now a treaty of marriage concluded betweenthem, [72] the wedding clothes are bought, and nothing remaineth but toperform the ceremony, which is put off for some days, because theydesign it to be a public wedding. And to reward my love, constancy, andgenerosity, he hath bestowed on me the office of being sempstress to hisgrooms and footmen, which I am forced to accept or starve. [73] Yet, inthe midst of this my situation, I cannot but have some pity for thisdeluded man, to cast himself away on an infamous creature, who, whatevershe pretendeth, I can prove, would at this very minute rather be a whoreto a certain great man, that shall be nameless, if she might have herwill. [74] For my part, I think, and so doth all the country too, thatthe man is possessed; at least none of us are able to imagine what hecan possibly see in her, unless she hath bewitched him, or given himsome powder. 

I am sure, I never sought his alliance, and you can bear me witness, that I might have had other matches; nay, if I were lightly disposed, Icould still perhaps have offers, that some, who hold their heads higher, would be glad to accept. [75] But alas! I never had any such wickedthought; all I now desire is, only to enjoy a little quiet, to be freefrom the persecutions of this unreasonable man, and that he will let memanage my own little fortune to the best advantage; for which I willundertake to pay him a considerable pension every year, much moreconsiderable than what he now gets by his oppressions; for he must needsfind himself a loser at last, when he hath drained me and my tenants sodry, that we shall not have a penny for him or ourselves. There is oneimposition of his, I had almost forgot, which I think unsufferable, andwill appeal to you or any reasonable person, whether it be so or not. Itold you before, that by an old compact we agreed to have the samesteward, at which time I consented likewise to regulate my family andestate by the same method with him, which he then shewed me writ downin form, and I approved of. [76] Now, the turn he thinks fit to give thiscompact of ours is very extraordinary; for he pretends that whateverorders he shall think fit to prescribe for the future in his family, hemay, if he will, compel mine to observe them, without asking my advice, or hearing my reasons. So that, I must not make a lease without hisconsent, or give any directions for the well-governing of my family, butwhat he countermands whenever he pleaseth. This leaveth me at suchconfusion and uncertainty, that my servants know not when to obey me, and my tenants, although many of them be very well inclined, seem quiteat a loss. 

But I am too tedious upon this melancholy subject, which however, Ihope, you will forgive, since the happiness of my whole life dependethupon it. I desire you will think a while, and give your best advice whatmeasures I shall take with prudence, justice, courage, and honour, toprotect my liberty and fortune against the hardships and severities Ilie under from that unkind, inconstant man. 

THE ANSWER TO THE INJURED LADY. 

MADAM, I have received your Ladyship's letter, and carefully considered everypart of it, and shall give you my opinion how you ought to proceed foryour own security. But first, I must beg leave to tell your Ladyship, that you were guilty of an unpardonable weakness t'other day in makingthat offer to your lover, of standing by him in any quarrel he mighthave with your rival. You know very well, that she began to apprehend hehad designs of using her as he had done you; and common prudence mighthave directed you rather to have entered into some measures with her forjoining against him, until he might at least be brought to somereasonable terms: But your invincible hatred to that lady hath carriedyour resentments so high, as to be the cause of your ruin; yet, if youplease to consider, this aversion of yours began a good while before shebecame your rival, and was taken up by you and your family in a sort ofcompliment to your lover, who formerly had a great abhorrence for her. It is true, since that time you have suffered very much by herencroachments upon your estate, [77] but she never pretended to govern ordirect you: And now you have drawn a new enemy upon yourself; for Ithink you may count upon all the ill offices she can possibly do you byher credit with her husband; whereas, if, instead of openly declaringagainst her without any provocation, you had but sat still awhile, andsaid nothing, that gentleman would have lessened his severity to you outof perfect fear. This weakness of yours, you call generosity; but Idoubt there was more in the matter. In short, Madam, I have goodreasons to think you were betrayed to it by the pernicious counsels ofsome about you: For to my certain knowledge, several of your tenants andservants, to whom you have been very kind, are as arrant rascals as anyin the Country. I cannot but observe what a mighty difference there isin one particular between your Ladyship and your rival. Having yieldedup your person, you thought nothing else worth defending, and thereforeyou will not now insist upon those very conditions for which you yieldedat first. But your Ladyship cannot be ignorant, that some years sinceyour rival did the same thing, and upon no conditions at all; nay, thisgentleman kept her as a miss, and yet made her pay for her diet andlodging. [78] But, it being at a time when he had no steward, and hisfamily out of order, she stole away, and hath now got the trick verywell known among the women of the town, to grant a man the favour overnight and the next day have the impudence to deny it to his face. But, it is too late to reproach you with any former oversights, which cannotnow be rectified. I know the matters of fact as you relate them are trueand fairly represented. My advice therefore is this. Get your tenantstogether as soon as you conveniently can, and make them agree to thefollowing resolutions. 

_First_, That your family and tenants have no dependence upon the saidgentleman, further than by the old agreement, which obligeth you to havethe same steward, and to regulate your household by such methods as youshould both agree to. [79]

_Secondly_, That you will not carry your goods to the market of histown, unless you please, nor be hindered from carrying them anywhereelse. [80]

_Thirdly_, That the servants you pay wages to shall live at home, orforfeit their places. [81]

_Fourthly_, That whatever lease you make to a tenant, it shall not be inhis power to break it. [82]

If he will agree to these articles, I advise you to contribute aslargely as you can to all charges of Parish and County. 

I can assure you, several of that gentleman's ablest tenants andservants are against his severe usage of you, and would be glad of anoccasion to convince the rest of their error, if you will not be wantingto yourself. 

If the gentleman refuses these just and reasonable offers, pray let meknow it, and perhaps I may think of something else that will be moreeffectual. 

 I am, Madam, Your Ladyship's, etc. 

AN

ANSWER TO A PAPER, CALLED

"A MEMORIAL

OF THE

POOR INHABITANTS, TRADESMEN, AND LABOURERS OF THE KINGDOM OF IRELAND. "

WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1728. 

 NOTE. 

 This is, perhaps, as trenchant and fine a piece of writing as is to be found in any of those pamphlets Swift wrote for the alleviation of the miserable condition of Ireland. The author of the "Memorial" to which Swift made this passionate reply was Sir John Browne, and the purport of his writing may be easily gathered from Swift's animadversions. 

 * * * * *

 The text here given is based on that printed by Faulkner in 1735 in the fourth volume of his collected edition of Swift's works. Scott reprints Browne's "Memorial" and his reply to the present "Answer, " but they are of little importance and in no way assist us in our appreciation of Swift's work. The date of Swift's answer is given by Faulkner as "March 25th, 1728, " which year Scott misprints 1738, evidently a printer's error, though the arrangement of the order of the pamphlets in his edition leaves much to be desired. 

 [T. S. ]

AN ANSWER TO A PAPER, CALLED

"A MEMORIAL

OF THE

POOR INHABITANTS, TRADESMEN, AND LABOURERS OF THE KINGDOM OF IRELAND. "

I received a paper from you, wherever you are, printed without any nameof author or printer, and sent, I suppose, to me among others, withoutany particular distinction. It contains a complaint of the dearness ofcorn, and some schemes of making it cheaper which I cannot approve of. 

But pray permit me, before I go further, to give you a short history ofthe steps by which we arrived at this hopeful situation. 

It was, indeed, the shameful practice of too many Irish farmers, to wearout their ground with ploughing; while, either through poverty, laziness, or ignorance, they neither took care to manure it as theyought, nor gave time to any part of the land to recover itself; and, when their leases are near expiring, being assured that their landlordswould not renew, they ploughed even the meadows, and made such a havock, that many landlords were considerable sufferers by it. 

This gave birth to that abominable race of graziers, who, uponexpiration of the farmer's leases were ready to engross great quantitiesof land; and the gentlemen having been before often ill paid, and theirland worn out of heart, were too easily tempted, when a rich graziermade him an offer to take all his land, and give his security forpayment. Thus a vast tract of land, where twenty or thirty farmerslived, together with their cottagers and labourers in their severalcabins, became all desolate, and easily managed by one or two herdsmenand their boys; whereby the master-grazier, with little trouble, seizedto himself the livelihood of a hundred people. 

It must be confessed, that the farmers were justly punished for theirknavery, brutality, and folly. But neither are the squires and landlordsto be excused; for to them is owing the depopulating of the country, thevast number of beggars, and the ruin of those few sorry improvements wehad. 

That farmers should be limited in ploughing is very reasonable, andpractised in England, and might have easily been done here by penalclauses in their leases; but to deprive them, in a manner, altogetherfrom tilling their lands, was a most stupid want of thinking. 

Had the farmers been confined to plough a certain quantity of land, witha penalty of ten pounds an acre for whatever they exceeded, and fartherlimited for the three or four last years of their leases, all this evilhad been prevented; the nation would have saved a million of money, andbeen more populous by above two hundred thousand souls. 

For a people, denied the benefit of trade, to manage their lands in sucha manner as to produce nothing but what they are forbidden to tradewith, [83] or only such things as they can neither export nor manufactureto advantage, is an absurdity that a wild Indian would be ashamed of;especially when we add, that we are content to purchase this hopefulcommerce, by sending to foreign markets for our daily bread. 

The grazier's employment is to feed great flocks of sheep, or blackcattle, or both. With regard to sheep, as folly is usually accompaniedwith perverseness, so it is here. There is something so monstrous todeal in a commodity (further than for our own use) which we are notallowed to export manufactured, nor even unmanufactured, but to onecertain country, and only to some few ports in that country;[84] thereis, I say, something so sottish, that it wants a name in our languageto express it by: and the good of it is, that the more sheep we have, the fewer human creatures are left to wear the wool, or eat the flesh. Ajax was mad, when he mistook a flock of sheep for his enemies; but weshall never be sober, until we have the same way of thinking. 

The other part of the grazier's business is, what we call black-cattle, producing hides, tallow, and beef for exportation: all which are goodand useful commodities, if rightly managed. But it seems, the greatestpart of the hides are sent out raw, for want of bark to tan them; andthat want will daily grow stronger; for I doubt the new project oftanning without it is at an end. Our beef, I am afraid, still continuesscandalous in foreign markets, for the old reasons. But our tallow, foranything I know, may be good. However, to bestow the whole kingdom onbeef and mutton, and thereby drive out half the people who should eattheir share, and force the rest to send sometimes as far as Egypt forbread to eat with it, is a most peculiar and distinguished piece ofpublic economy, of which I have no comprehension. 

I know very well that our ancestors the Scythians, and their posterityour kinsmen the Tartars, lived upon the blood, and milk, and raw fleshof their cattle, without one grain of corn; but I confess myself sodegenerate, that I am not easy without bread to my victuals. 

What amazed me for a week or two, was to see, in this prodigious plentyof cattle, and dearth of human creatures, and want of bread, as well asmoney to buy it, that all kind of flesh-meat should be monstrously dear, beyond what was ever known in this kingdom. I thought it a defect in thelaws, that there was not some regulation in the price of flesh, as wellas bread: but I imagine myself to have guessed out the reason: In short, I am apt to think that the whole kingdom is overstocked with cattle, both black and white; and as it is observed, that the poor Irish have avanity to be rather owners of two lean cows, than one fat, althoughwith double the charge of grazing, and but half the quantity of milk; soI conceive it much more difficult at present to find a fat bullock orwether, than it would be if half of both were fairly knocked on thehead: for I am assured that the district in the several markets calledCarrion Row is as reasonable as the poor can desire; only thecircumstance of money to purchase it, and of trade, or labour, topurchase that money, are indeed wholly wanting. 

Now, sir, to return more particularly to you and your memorial. 

A hundred thousand barrels of wheat, you say, should be imported hither;and ten thousand pounds premium to the importers. Have you looked intothe purse of the nation? I am no commissioner of the treasury; but amwell assured that the whole running cash would not supply you with a sumto purchase so much corn, which, only at twenty shillings a barrel, willbe a hundred thousand pounds; and ten thousand more for the premiums. But you will traffic for your corn with other goods: and where are thosegoods? if you had them, they are all engaged to pay the rents ofabsentees, and other occasions in London, besides a huge balance oftrade this year against us. Will foreigners take our bankers' papers? Isuppose they will value it at little more than so much a quire. Whereare these rich farmers and engrossers of corn, in so bad a year, and solittle sowing?

You are in pain of two shillings premium, and forget the twentyshillings for the price; find me out the latter, and I will engage forthe former. 

Your scheme for a tax for raising such a sum is all visionary, and owingto a great want of knowledge in the _miserable state_ of this nation. Tea, coffee, sugar, spices, wine, and foreign clothes, are theparticulars you mention upon which this tax should be raised. I willallow the two first; because they are unwholesome; and the last, becauseI should be glad if they were all burned: but I beg you will leave usour wine to make us a while forget our misery; or give your tenantsleave to plough for barley. But I will tell you a secret, which Ilearned many years ago from the commissioners of the customs in London:they said, when any commodity appeared to be taxed above a moderaterate, the consequence was, to lessen that branch of the revenue by onehalf; and one of those gentlemen pleasantly told me, that the mistake ofparliaments, on such occasions, was owing to an error of computing twoand two to make four; whereas, in the business of laying impositions, two and two never made more than one; which happens by lessening theimport, and the strong temptation of running such goods as paid highduties. At least in this kingdom, although the women are as vain andextravagant as their lovers or their husbands can deserve, and the menare fond enough of wine; yet the number of both who can afford suchexpenses is so small, that the major part must refuse gratifyingthemselves, and the duties will rather be lessened than increased. But, allowing no force in this argument; yet so preternatural a sum as onehundred and ten thousand pounds, raised all on a sudden, (for there isno dallying with hunger, ) is just in proportion with raising a millionand a half in England; which, as things now stand, would probably bringthat opulent kingdom under some difficulties. 

You are concerned how strange and surprising it would be in foreignparts to hear that the poor were starving in a RICH country, &c. Are you in earnest? Is Ireland the rich country you mean? Or are youinsulting our poverty? Were you ever out of Ireland? Or were you ever init till of late? You may probably have a good employment, and are savingall you can to purchase a good estate in England. But by talking sofamiliarly of one hundred and ten thousand pounds, by a tax upon a fewcommodities, it is plain you are either naturally or affectedly ignorantof our present condition: or else you would know and allow, that such asum is not to be raised here, without a general excise; since, inproportion to our wealth, we pay already in taxes more than England everdid in the height of the war. And when you have brought over your corn, who will be the buyers? Most certainly not the poor, who will not beable to purchase the twentieth part of it. 

Sir, upon the whole, your paper is a very crude piece, liable to moreobjections than there are lines; but I think your meaning is good, andso far you are pardonable. 

If you will propose a general contribution in supporting the poor inpotatoes and butter-milk, till the new corn comes in, perhaps you maysucceed better, because the thing at least is possible; and I think ifour brethren in England would contribute upon this emergency, out of themillion they gain from us every year, they would do a piece of justiceas well as charity. In the mean time, go and preach to your own tenants, to fall to the plough as fast as they can; and prevail with yourneighbouring squires to do the same with theirs; or else die with theguilt of having driven away half the inhabitants, and starving the rest. For as to your scheme of raising one hundred and ten thousand pounds, itis as vain as that of Rabelais; which was, to squeeze out wind from theposteriors of a dead ass. 

But why all this concern for the poor? We want them not, as the countryis now managed; they may follow thousands of their leaders, and seektheir bread abroad. Where the plough has no work, one family can do thebusiness of fifty, and you may send away the other forty-nine. Anadmirable piece of husbandry, never known or practised by the wisestnations, who erroneously thought people to be the riches of a country!

If so wretched a state of things would allow it, methinks I could have amalicious pleasure, after all the warning I have in vain given thepublic, at my own peril, for several years past, to see the consequencesand events answering in every particular. I pretend to no sagacity: whatI writ was little more than what I had discoursed to several persons, who were generally of my opinion; and it was obvious to every commonunderstanding, that such effects must needs follow from such causes;--afair issue of things begun upon party rage, while some sacrificed thepublic to fury, and others to ambition: while a spirit of faction andoppression reigned in every part of the country, where gentlemen, instead of consulting the ease of their tenants, or cultivating theirlands, were worrying one another upon points of Whig and Tory, of HighChurch and Low Church; which no more concerned them than the long andfamous controversy of strops for razors: while agriculture was whollydiscouraged, and consequently half the farmers and labourers, and poorertradesmen, forced to beggary or banishment. "Wisdom crieth in thestreets: Because I have called on ye; I have stretched out my hand, andno man regarded; but ye have set at nought all my counsels, and wouldnone of my reproof; I also will laugh at your calamity, and mock whenyour fear cometh. "

I have now done with your Memorial, and freely excuse your mistakes, since you appear to write as a stranger, and as of a country which isleft at liberty to enjoy the benefits of nature, and to make the best ofthose advantages which God hath given it, in soil, climate, andsituation. 

But having lately sent out a paper, entitled, _A Short View of the Stateof Ireland_; and hearing of an objection, that some people think I havetreated the memory of the late Lord Chief Justice Whitshed with anappearance of severity; since I may not probably have anotheropportunity of explaining myself in that particular, I choose to do ithere. Laying it, therefore, down for a postulatum, which I suppose willbe universally granted, that no little creature of so mean a birth andgenius, had ever the honour to be a greater enemy to his country, and toall kinds of virtue, than HE, I answer thus; Whether there be twodifferent goddesses called Fame, as some authors contend, or only onegoddess sounding two different trumpets, it is certain that peopledistinguished for their villainy have as good a title for a blast fromthe proper trumpet, as those who are most renowned for their virtueshave from the other; and have equal reason to complain if it be refusedthem. And accordingly the names of the most celebrated profligates havebeen faithfully transmitted down to posterity. And although the personhere understood acted his part in an obscure corner of the world, yethis talents might have shone with lustre enough in the noblest scene. 

As to my naming a person dead, the plain honest reason is the best. Hewas armed with power, guilt, and will to do mischief, even where he wasnot provoked, as appeared by his prosecuting two printers, [85] one todeath, and both to ruin, who had neither offended God nor the King, norhim nor the public. 

What an encouragement to vice is this! If an ill man be alive, and inpower, we dare not attack him; and if he be weary of the world, or ofhis own villainies, he has nothing to do but die, and then hisreputation is safe. For these excellent casuists know just Latin enoughto have heard a most foolish precept, that _de mortuis nil nisi bonum_;so that if Socrates, and Anytus his accuser, had happened to dietogether, the charity of survivors must either have obliged them to holdtheir peace, or to fix the same character on both. The only crime ofcharging the dead is, when the least doubt remains whether theaccusation be true; but when men are openly abandoned, and lost to allshame, they have no reason to think it hard if their memory bereproached. Whoever reports, or otherwise publisheth, any thing which itis possible may be false, that man is a slanderer; _hic niger est, hunctu, Romane, caveto_. Even the least misrepresentation, or aggravation offacts, deserves the same censure, in some degree, but in this case, I amquite deceived if my error hath not been on the side of extenuation. 

I have now present before me the idea of some persons (I know not inwhat part of the world) who spend every moment of their lives, and everyturn of their thoughts, while they are awake, (and probably of theirdreams while they sleep, ) in the most detestable actions and designs;who delight in mischief, scandal, and obloquy, with the hatred andcontempt of all mankind against them, but chiefly of those among theirown party and their own family; such whose odious qualities rival eachother for perfection: avarice, brutality, faction, pride, malice, treachery, noise, impudence, dullness, ignorance, vanity, and revenge, contending every moment for superiority in their breasts. Such creaturesare not to be reformed, neither is it prudence or safety to attempt areformation. Yet, although their memories will rot, there may be somebenefit for their survivors to smell it while it is rotting. 

 I am, Sir, Your humble servant, A. B. 

 Dublin, March 25th, 1728. 

ANSWER

TO SEVERAL LETTERS FROM UNKNOWN

PERSONS. [86]

WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1729. 

ANSWER TO SEVERAL LETTERS FROM UNKNOWN PERSONS. [87]

GENTLEMEN, I am inclined to think that I received a letter from you two, lastsummer, directed to Dublin, while I was in the country, whither it wassent me; and I ordered an answer to it to be printed, but it seems ithad little effect, and I suppose this will have not much more. But theheart of this people is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed. And, gentlemen, I am to tell youanother thing: That the world is so regardless of what we write for thepublic good, that after we have delivered our thoughts, without anyprospect of advantage, or of reputation, which latter is not to be hadbut by subscribing our names, we cannot prevail upon a printer to be atthe charge of sending it into the world, unless we will be at all orhalf the expense; and although we are willing enough to bestow ourlabours, we think it unreasonable to be out of pocket; because itprobably may not consist with the situation of our affairs. 

I do very much approve your good intentions, and in a great measure yourmanner of declaring them; and I do imagine you intended that the worldshould not only know your sentiments, but my answer, which I shallimpartially give. 

That great prelate, to whose care you directed your letter, sent it tome this morning;[88] and I begin my answer to-night, not knowing whatinterruption I may meet with. 

I have ordered your letter to be printed, as it ought to be, along withmy answer; because I conceive it will be more acceptable and informingto the kingdom. 

I shall therefore now go on to answer your letter in all manner ofsincerity. 

Although your letter be directed to me, yet I take myself to be only animaginary person; for, although I conjecture I had formerly one fromyou, yet I never answered it otherwise than in print; neither was I at aloss to know the reasons why so many people of this kingdom weretransporting themselves to America. And if this encouragement were owingto a pamphlet written, giving an account of the country of Pennsylvania, to tempt people to go thither, I do declare that those who were tempted, by such a narrative, to such a journey, were fools, and the author amost impudent knave; at least, if it be the same pamphlet I saw when itfirst came out, which is above 25 years ago, dedicated to Will Penn(whom by a mistake you call "Sir William Penn, ") and styling him, byauthority of the Scripture, "Most Noble Governor. " For I was very wellacquainted with Penn, and did, some years after, talk with him upon thatpamphlet, and the impudence of the author, who spoke so many things inpraise of the soil and climate, which Penn himself did absolutelycontradict. For he did assure me that his country wanted the shelter ofmountains, which left it open to the northern winds from Hudson's Bayand the Frozen Sea, which destroyed all plantations of trees, and waseven pernicious to all common vegetables. But, indeed, New York, Virginia, and other parts less northward, or more defended by mountains, are described as excellent countries: but, upon what conditions ofadvantage foreigners go thither, I am yet to seek. [89]

What evils do our people avoid by running from hence, is easier to bedetermined. They conceive themselves to live under the tyranny of mostcruel exacting landlords, who have no view further than increasing theirrent-rolls. Secondly, you complain of the want of trade, whereof youseem not to know the reason. Thirdly, you lament most justly the moneyspent by absentees in England. Fourthly, you complain that your linenmanufacture declines. Fifthly, that your tithe-collectors oppress you. Sixthly, that your children have no hopes of preferment in the church, the revenue, or the army; to which you might have added the law, and allcivil employments whatsoever. Seventhly, you are undone for silver, andwant all other money. 

I could easily add some other motives, which, to men of spirit, whodesire and expect, and think they deserve the common privileges of humannature, would be of more force, than any you have yet named, to drivethem out of this kingdom. But, as these speculations may probably notmuch affect the brains of your people, I shall choose to let them passunmentioned. Yet I cannot but observe, that my very good and virtuousfriend, his excellency Burnet, (_O fili, nec tali indigne parente!_)[90]hath not hitherto been able to persuade his vassals, by his oratory inthe style of a command, to settle a revenue on his viceroyal person. [91]I have been likewise assured, that in one of those colonies on thecontinent, which nature hath so far favoured, as (by the industry of theinhabitants) to produce a great quantity of excellent rice, thestubbornness of the people, who having been told that the world is wide, took it into their heads that they might sell their own rice at whateverforeign markets they pleased, and seem, by their practice, veryunwilling to quit that opinion. 

But, to return to my subject: I must confess to you both, that if onereason of your people's deserting us be, the despair of things growingbetter in their own country, I have not one syllable to answer; becausethat would be to hope for what is impossible; and so I have been tellingthe public these ten years. For there are three events which mustprecede any such blessing: First, a liberty of trade; secondly, a shareof preferments in all kinds, to the British natives; and thirdly, areturn of those absentees, who take almost one half of the kingdom'srevenues. As to the first, there is nothing left us but despair; and forthe third, it will never happen till the kingdom hath no money to sendthem; for which, in my own particular, I should not be sorry. 

The exaction of landlords hath indeed been a grievance of above twentyyears' standing. But as to what you object about the severe clausesrelating to improvement, the fault lies wholly on the other side: forthe landlords, either by their ignorance, or greediness of making largerent-rolls, have performed this matter so ill, as we see by experience, that there is not one tenant in five hundred who hath made anyimprovement worth mentioning. For which I appeal to any man who ridesthrough the kingdom, where little is to be found among the tenants butbeggary and desolation; the cabins of the Scotch themselves, in Ulster, being as dirty and miserable as those of the wildest Irish. Whereas goodfirm penal clauses for improvement, with a tolerable easy rent, and areasonable period of time, would, in twenty years, have increased therents of Ireland at least a third part in the intrinsic value. 

I am glad to hear you speak with some decency of the clergy, and toimpute the exactions you lament to the managers or farmers of thetithes. But you entirely mistake the fact; for I defy the most wickedand most powerful clergymen in the kingdom to oppress the meanest farmerin the parish; and I likewise defy the same clergyman to prevent himselffrom being cheated by the same farmer, whenever that farmer shall bedisposed to be knavish or peevish. For, although the Ulstertithing-teller is more advantageous to the clergy than any other in thekingdom, yet the minister can demand no more than his tenth; and wherethe corn much exceeds the small tithes, as, except in some districts, Iam told it always doth, he is at the mercy of every stubborn farmer, especially of those whose sect as well as interest incline them toopposition. However, I take it that your people bent for America do notshew the best part of their prudence in making this one part of theircomplaint: yet they are so far wise, as not to make the payment oftithes a scruple of conscience, which is too gross for any Protestantdissenter, except a Quaker, to pretend. But do your people indeed think, that if tithes were abolished, or delivered into the hands of thelandlord, after the blessed manner in the Scotch spiritual economy, thatthe tenant would sit easier in his rent under the same person, who mustbe lord of the soil and of the tithe together?

I am ready enough to grant, that the oppression of landlords, the utterruin of trade, with its necessary consequence the want of money, halfthe revenues of the kingdom spent abroad, the continued dearth of threeyears, and the strong delusion in your people by false allurement fromAmerica, may be the chief motives of their eagerness after such anexpedition. [But there is likewise another temptation, which is not ofinconsiderable weight; which is their itch of living in a country wheretheir sect is predominant, and where their eyes and consciences wouldnot be offended by the stumbling-block of ceremonies, habits, andspiritual titles. [92]]

But I was surprised to find that those calamities, whereof we areinnocent, have been sufficient to drive many families out of theircountry, who had no reason to complain of oppressive landlords. For, while I was last year in the northern parts, a person of quality, whoseestate was let above 20 years ago, and then at a very reasonable rent, some for leases of lives, and some perpetuities, did, in a few months, purchase eleven of those leases at a very inconsiderable price, althoughthey were, two years ago, reckoned to pay but half value. From whence itis manifest, that our present miserable condition, and the dismalprospect of worse, with other reasons above assigned, are sufficient toput men upon trying this desperate experiment, of changing the scenethey are in, although landlords should, by a miracle, become lessinhuman. 

There is hardly a scheme proposed for improving the trade of thiskingdom, which doth not manifestly shew the stupidity and ignorance ofthe proposer; and I laugh with contempt at those weak wise heads, whoproceed upon general maxims, or advise us to follow the examples ofHolland and England. These empirics talk by rote, without understandingthe constitution of the kingdom: as if a physician, knowing thatexercise contributed much to health, should prescribe to his patientunder a severe fit of the gout, to walk ten miles every morning. Thedirections for Ireland are very short and plain; to encourageagriculture and home consumption, and utterly discard all importationswhich are not absolutely necessary for health or life. And how fewnecessities, conveniences, or even comforts of life, are denied us bynature, or not to be attained by labour and industry! Are thosedetestable extravagancies of Flanders lace, English cloths of our ownwool, and other goods, Italian or Indian silks, tea, coffee, chocolate, china-ware, and that profusion of wines, by the knavery of merchantsgrowing dearer every season, with a hundred unnecessary fopperies, better known to others than me; are these, I say, fit for us, any morethan for the beggar who could not eat his veal without oranges? Is itnot the highest indignity to human nature, that men should be suchpoltroons as to suffer the kingdom and themselves to be undone, by thevanity, the folly, the pride, and wantonness of their wives, [93] who, under their present corruptions, seem to be a kind of animal, suffered, for our sins, to be sent into the world for the destruction of families, societies, and kingdoms; and whose whole study seems directed to be asexpensive as they possibly can, in every useless article of living; who, by long practice, can reconcile the most pernicious foreign drugs totheir health and pleasure, provided they are but expensive, as starlingsgrow fat with henbane; who contract a robustness by mere practice ofsloth and luxury; who can play deep several hours after midnight, sleepbeyond noon, revel upon Indian poisons, and spend the revenue of amoderate family to adorn a nauseous, unwholesome living carcase? Letthose few who are not concerned in any part of this accusation, supposeit unsaid; let the rest take it among them. Gracious God, in His mercy, look down upon a nation so shamefully besotted!

If I am possessed of an hundred pounds a year, and by some misfortune itsinks to fifty, without a possibility of ever being retrieved; does itremain a question, in such an exigency, what I am to do? Must not Iretrench one-half in every article of expense, or retire to some cheap, distant part of the country, where necessaries are at half value?

Is there any mortal who can shew me, under the circumstances we standwith our neighbours, under their inclinations towards us, under lawsnever to be repealed, under the desolation caused by absentees, undermany other circumstances not to be mentioned, that this kingdom can everbe a nation of trade, or subsist by any other method than that of areduced family, by the utmost parsimony, in the manner I have alreadyprescribed?

I am tired with letters from many unreasonable, well-meaning people, whoare daily pressing me to deliver my thoughts in this deplorablejuncture, which, upon many others, I have so often done in vain. Whatwill it import, that half a score people in a coffee-house may happen toread this paper, and even the majority of those few differ in everysentiment from me? If the farmer be not allowed to sow his corn; if halfthe little money among us be sent to pay rents to Irish absentees, andthe rest for foreign luxury and dress for the women, what will ourcharitable dispositions avail, when there is nothing left to be given?When, contrary to all custom and example, all necessaries of life are soexorbitant; when money of all kinds was never known to be so scarce, sothat gentlemen of no contemptible estates are forced to retrench inevery article, (except what relates to their wives, ) without being ableto shew any bounty to the poor?

AN ANSWER

TO SEVERAL LETTERS SENT ME FROM

UNKNOWN HANDS. [94]

WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1729. 

I am very well pleased with the good opinion you express of me; and wishit were any way in my power to answer your expectations, for the serviceof my country. I have carefully read your several schemes and proposals, which you think should be offered to the Parliament. In answer, I willassure you, that, in another place, I have known very good proposalsrejected with contempt by public assemblies, merely because they wereoffered from without doors; and yours, perhaps, might have the samefate, especially if handed into the public by me, who am not acquaintedwith three members, nor have the least interest with one. My printershave been twice prosecuted, to my great expense, on account ofdiscourses I writ for the public service, without the least reflectionon parties or persons; and the success I had in those of the Drapier, was not owing to my abilities, but to a lucky juncture, when the fuelwas ready for the first hand that would be at the pains of kindling it. It is true, both those envenomed prosecutions were the workmanship of ajudge, who is now gone _to his own place_. [95] But, let that be as itwill, I am determined, henceforth, never to be the instrument of leavingan innocent man at the mercy of that bench. 

It is certain there are several particulars relating to this kingdom (Ihave mentioned a few of them in one of my Drapier's letters, [96]) whichit were heartily to be wished that the Parliament would take undertheir consideration, such as will nowise interfere with England, otherwise than to its advantage. 

The first I shall mention, is touched at in a letter which I receivedfrom one of you, gentlemen, about the highways; which, indeed, arealmost everywhere scandalously neglected. I know a very rich man in thiscity, a true lover and saver of his money, who, being possessed of someadjacent lands, hath been at great charge in repairing effectually theroads that lead to them; and has assured me that his lands are therebyadvanced four or five shillings an acre, by which he gets trebleinterest. But, generally speaking, all over the kingdom the roads aredeplorable; and, what is more particularly barbarous, there is no sortof provision made for travellers on foot; no, not near this city, exceptin a very few places, and in a most wretched manner: whereas the Englishare so particularly careful in this point, that you may travel there anhundred miles with less inconvenience than one mile here. But, sincethis may be thought too great a reformation, I shall only speak of roadsfor horses, carriages, and cattle. [97]

Ireland is, I think, computed to be one-third smaller than England; yet, by some natural disadvantages, it would not bear quite the sameproportion in value, with the same encouragement. However, it hath sohappened, for many years past, that it never arrived to aboveone-eleventh part in point of riches; and of late, by the continualdecrease of trade, and increase of absentees, with other circumstancesnot here to be mentioned, hardly to a fifteenth part; at least, if mycalculations be right, which I doubt are a little too favourable on ourside. 

Now, supposing day-labour to be cheaper by one half here than inEngland, and our roads, by the nature of our carriages, and thedesolation of our country, to be not worn and beaten above one-eighthpart so much as those of England, which is a very moderate computation, I do not see why the mending of them would be a greater burthen to thiskingdom than to that. 

There have been, I believe, twenty acts of Parliament, in six or sevenyears of the late King, for mending long tracts of impassable ways inseveral counties of England, by erecting turnpikes, and receivingpassage-money, in a manner that everybody knows. If what I have advancedbe true, it would be hard to give a reason against the same practicehere; since the necessity is as great, the advantage, in proportion, perhaps much greater, the materials of stone and gravel as easy to befound, and the workmanship, at least, twice as cheap. Besides, the workmay be done gradually, with allowances for the poverty of the nation, byso many perch a year; but with a special care to encourage skill anddiligence, and to prevent fraud in the undertakers, to which we are tooliable, and which are not always confined to those of the meaner sort:but against these, no doubt, the wisdom of the nation may and willprovide. 

Another evil, which, in my opinion, deserves the public care, is the illmanagement of the bogs; the neglect whereof is a much greater mischiefto this kingdom than most people seem to be aware of. 

It is allowed, indeed, by those who are esteemed most skilful in suchmatters, that the red, swelling mossy bog, whereof we have so many largetracts in this island, is not by any means to be fully reduced; but theskirts, which are covered with a green coat, easily may, being not anaccretion, or annual growth of moss, like the other. 

Now, the landlords are generally too careless that they suffer theirtenants to cut their turf in these skirts, as well as the bog adjoined;whereby there is yearly lost a considerable quantity of land throughoutthe kingdom, never to be recovered. 

But this is not the greatest part of the mischief: for the main bog, although, perhaps, not reducible to natural soil, yet, by continuinglarge, deep, straight canals through the middle, cleaned at proper timesas low as the channel or gravel, would become a secure summer-pasture;the margins might, with great profit and ornament, be filled withquickens, birch, and other trees proper for such a soil, and the canalsbe convenient for water-carriage of the turf, which is now drawn uponsled-cars, with great expense, difficulty, and loss of time, by reasonof the many turf-pits scattered irregularly through the bog, whereingreat numbers of cattle are yearly drowned. And it hath been, I confess, to me a matter of the greatest vexation, as well as wonder, to think howany landlord could be so absurd as to suffer such havoc to be made. 

All the acts for encouraging plantations of forest-trees are, I am told, extremely defective;[98] which, with great submission, must have beenowing to a defect of skill in the contrivers of them. In this climate, by the continual blowing of the west-south-west wind, hardly any tree ofvalue will come to perfection that is not planted in groves, except veryrarely, and where there is much land-shelter. I have not, indeed, readall the acts; but, from enquiry, I cannot learn that the planting ingroves is enjoined. And as to the effects of these laws, I have not seenthe least, in many hundred miles riding, except about a very fewgentlemen's houses, and even those with very little skill or success. Inall the rest, the hedges generally miscarry, as well as the largerslender twigs planted upon the tops of ditches, merely for want ofcommon skill and care. 

I do not believe that a greater and quicker profit could be made, thanby planting large groves of ash a few feet asunder, which in seven yearswould make the best kind of hop-poles, and grow in the same or less timeto a second crop from their roots. 

It would likewise be of great use and beauty in our desert scenes, tooblige all tenants and cottagers to plant ash or elm before theircabins, and round their potato-gardens, where cattle either do not orought not to come to destroy them. 

The common objections against all this, drawn from the laziness, theperverseness, or thievish disposition, of the poor native Irish, mightbe easily answered, by shewing the true reasons for such accusations, and how easily those people may be brought to a less savage manner oflife: but my printers have already suffered too much for myspeculations. However, supposing the size of a native's understandingjust equal to that of a dog or horse, I have often seen those twoanimals to be civilized by rewards, at least as much as by punishments. 

It would be a noble achievement to abolish the Irish language in thiskingdom, so far at least as to oblige all the natives to speak onlyEnglish on every occasion of business, in shops, markets, fairs, andother places of dealing: yet I am wholly deceived, if this might not beeffectually done in less than half an age, and at a very triflingexpense; for such I look upon a tax to be of only six thousand pounds ayear, to accomplish so great a work. [99] This would, in a great measure, civilize the most barbarous among them, reconcile them to our customsand manner of living, and reduce great numbers to the national religion, whatever kind may then happen to be established. The method is plain andsimple; and although I am too desponding to produce it, yet I couldheartily wish some public thoughts were employed to reduce thisuncultivated people from that idle, savage, beastly, thievish manner oflife, in which they continue sunk to a degree, that it is almostimpossible for a country gentleman to find a servant of human capacity, or the least tincture of natural honesty; or who does not live among hisown tenants in continual fear of having his plantations destroyed, hiscattle stolen, and his goods pilfered. 

The love, affection, or vanity of living in England, continuing to carrythither so many wealthy families, the consequences thereof, togetherwith the utter loss of all trade, except what is detrimental, which hathforced such great numbers of weavers, and others, to seek their bread inforeign countries; the unhappy practice of stocking such vast quantitiesof land with sheep and other cattle, which reduceth twenty families toone: these events, I say, have exceedingly depopulated this kingdom forseveral years past. I should heartily wish, therefore, under thismiserable dearth of money, that those who are most concerned would thinkit advisable to save a hundred thousand pounds a year, which is now sentout of this kingdom, to feed us with corn. There is not an older or moreuncontroverted maxim in the politics of all wise nations, than that ofencouraging agriculture: and therefore, to what kind of wisdom apractice so directly contrary among us may be reduced, I am by no meansa judge. If labour and people make the true riches of a nation, whatmust be the issue where one part of the people are forced away, and theother part have nothing to do?

If it should be thought proper by wiser heads, that his Majesty might beapplied to in a national way, for giving the kingdom leave to coinhalfpence for its own use, I believe no good subject will be under theleast apprehension that such a request could meet with refusal, or theleast delay. Perhaps we are the only kingdom upon earth, or that everwas or will be upon earth, which did not enjoy that common right ofcivil society, under the proper inspection of its prince or legislature, to coin money of all usual metals for its own occasions. Every pettyprince in Germany, vassal to the Emperor, enjoys this privilege. And Ihave seen in this kingdom several silver pieces, with the inscription ofCIVITAS WATERFORD, DROGHEDAGH, and other towns. 

A LETTER

TO THE ARCHBISHOP OF DUBLIN, CONCERNING THE WEAVERS. 

WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1729. 

 NOTE. 

 The archbishop to whom Swift wrote was Dr. William King, for many years his friend. King was a fine patriot and had stood out strongly against the imposition of Wood's Halfpence. In this letter, so characteristic of Swift's attitude towards the condition of Ireland, he aims at a practical and immediate relief. The causes for this condition discussed so ably by Molesworth, Prior and Dobbs in their various treatises are too academic for him. His "Proposal for the Universal Use of Irish Manufacture" well illustrates the kind of practical reform Swift insisted on. Yet the insistence was more because of the spirit of independence such a course demanded. To Swift there was no hope for Ireland without a radical change in the spirit of its people. The change meant the assertion of manliness, independence, and strength of character. How to attain these, and how to make the people aware of their power, were always Swift's aims. All his tracts are assertions of and dilations on these themes. If the people were but to insist on wearing their own manufactures, since they were prohibited from exporting them, they would keep their money in the kingdom. Likewise, if they were to deny themselves the indulgence in luxuries, they would not have to send out their money to the countries from which these luxuries were obtained. There were methods ready at hand, but the practice in them would result in the cultivation of that respect for themselves without which a nation is worse than a pauper and lower than a slave. 

 * * * * *

 The text of this edition is based on the original manuscript, and collated with that of Scott's second edition of Swift's collected works. 

 [T. S. ]

A LETTER TO THE ARCHBISHOP OF DUBLIN, CONCERNING THE WEAVERS. 

MY LORD, The corporation of weavers in the woollen manufacture, who have so oftenattended your Grace, and called upon me with their schemes and proposalswere with me on Thursday last, when he who spoke for the rest and in thename of his absent brethren, said, "It was the opinion of the wholebody, that if somewhat were written at this time by an able hand topersuade the people of the Kingdom to wear their own woollenmanufactures, it might be of good use to the Nation in general, andpreserve many hundreds of their trade from starving. " To which Ianswered, "That it was hard for any man of common spirit to turn histhoughts to such speculations, without discovering a resentment whichpeople are too delicate to bear. " For, I will not deny to your Grace, that I cannot reflect on the singular condition of this Country, different from all others upon the face of the Earth, without someemotion, and without often examining as I pass the streets whether thoseanimals which come in my way with two legs and human faces, clad anderect, be of the same species with what I have seen very like them inEngland, as to the outward shape, but differing in their notions, natures, and intellectuals, more than any two kinds of brutes in aforest, which any men of common prudence would immediately discover, bypersuading them to define what they mean by law, liberty, property, courage, reason, loyalty or religion. 

One thing, my Lord, I am very confident of; that if God Almighty forour sins would most justly send us a pestilence, whoever should dare todiscover his grief in public for such a visitation, would certainly becensured for disaffection to the Government. For I solemnly profess, that I do not know one calamity we have undergone this many years, whereof any man whose opinions were not in fashion dared to lamentwithout being openly charged with that imputation. And this is theharder, because although a mother when she hath corrected her child maysometimes force it to kiss the rod, yet she will never give that powerto the footboy or the scullion. 

My Lord, there are two things for the people of this Kingdom toconsider. First their present evil condition; and secondly what can bedone in some degree to remedy it. 

I shall not enter into a particular description of our present misery;It hath been already done in several papers, and very fully in one, entitled, "A short View of the State of Ireland. " It will be enough tomention the entire want of trade, the Navigation Act executed with theutmost rigour, the remission of a million every year to England, theruinous importation of foreign luxury and vanity, the oppression oflandlords, and discouragement of agriculture. 

Now all these evils are without the possibility of a cure except that ofimportations, and to fence against ruinous folly will be always in ourpower in spite of the discouragements, mortifications, contempt, hatred, and oppression we can lie under. But our trade will never mend, theNavigation Act never be softened, our absentees never return, ourendless foreign payments never be lessened, or our landlords ever beless exacting. 

All other schemes for preserving this Kingdom from utter ruin are idleand visionary, consequently drawn from wrong reasoning, and from generaltopics which for the same causes that they may be true in all Nationsare certainly false in ours; as I have told the Public often enough, butwith as little effect as what I shall say at present is likely toproduce. 

I am weary of so many abortive projects for the advancement of trade, ofso many crude proposals in letters sent me from unknown hands, of somany contradictory speculations about raising or sinking the value ofgold and silver: I am not in the least sorry to hear of the greatnumbers going to America, though very much so for the causes that drivethem from us, since the uncontrolled maxim, "That people are the richesof a Nation, " is no maxim here under our circumstances. We have neither[manufactures] to employ them about, nor food to support them. 

If a private gentleman's income be sunk irretrievably for ever from ahundred pounds to fifty, and that he hath no other method to supply thedeficiency, I desire to know, my Lord, whether such a person hath anyother course to take than to sink half his expenses in every article ofeconomy, to save himself from ruin and the gaol. Is not this more thandoubly the case of Ireland, where the want of money, the irrecoverableruin of trade, with the other evils above mentioned, and many more toowell known and felt, and too numerous or invidious to relate, have beengradually sinking us for above a dozen years past, to a degree that weare at least by two thirds in a worse condition than was ever knownsince the Revolution? Therefore instead of dreams and projects for theadvancing of trade, we have nothing left but to find out some expedientwhereby we may reduce our expenses to our incomes. 

Yet this procedure, allowed so necessary in all private families, and inits own nature so easy to be put in practice, may meet with strongopposition by the cowardly slavish indulgence of the men to theintolerable pride arrogance vanity and luxury of the women, who strictlyadhering to the rules of modern education seem to employ their wholestock of invention in contriving new arts of profusion, faster than themost parsimonious husband can afford; and to compass this work the moreeffectually, their universal maxim is to despise and detest everythingof the growth and manufacture of their own country, and most to valuewhatever comes from the very remotest parts of the globe. And I amconvinced, that if the virtuosi could once find out a world in the moon, with a passage to it, our women would wear nothing but what camedirectly from thence. [100]

The prime cost of wine yearly imported to Ireland is valued at thirtythousand pounds, and the tea (including coffee and chocolate) at fivetimes that sum. The lace, silks, calicoes, and all other unnecessaryornaments for women, including English cloths and stuffs, added to theformer articles, make up (to compute grossly), about four hundredthousand pounds. 

Now, if we should allow the thirty thousand pounds for wine, wherein thewomen have their share, and which is all we have to comfort us, anddeduct seventy thousand pounds more for over-reckoning, there wouldstill remain three hundred thousand pounds, annually spent forunwholesome drugs, and unnecessary finery. Which prodigious sum would bewholly saved, and many thousands of our miserable shopkeepers andmanufacturers comfortably supported. 

Let speculative people busy their brains as much as they please, thereis no other way to prevent this Kingdom from sinking for ever than byutterly renouncing all foreign dress and luxury. 

It is absolutely so in fact that every husband of any fortune in theKingdom is nourishing a poisonous, devouring serpent in his bosom withall the mischief but with none of its wisdom. 

If all the women were clad with the growth of their own Country, theymight still vie with each other in the cause of foppery, and still haveroom left to vie with each other, and equally shew their wit andjudgment in deciding upon the variety of Irish stuffs; And if they couldbe contented with their native wholesome slops for breakfast, we shouldhear no more of their spleen, hysterics, colics, palpitations, andasthmas. They might still be allowed to ruin each other and theirhusbands at play, because the money lost would only circulate amongourselves. 

My Lord; I freely own it a wild imagination that any words will cure thesottishness of men, or the vanity of women, but the Kingdom is in a fairway of producing the most effectual remedy, when there will not be moneyleft for the common course of buying and selling the very necessaries oflife in our markets, unless we absolutely change the whole method of ourproceedings. 

This Corporation of Weavers in Woollen and Silks, who have so frequentlyoffered proposals both to your Grace and to me, are the hottest andcoldest generation of men that I have known. About a month ago theyattended your Grace, when I had the honour to be with you, and designedme then the same favour. They desired you would recommend to your clergyto wear gowns of Irish stuffs, which might probably spread the exampleamong all their brethren in the Kingdom, and perhaps among the lawyersand gentlemen of the University and among the citizens of thoseCorporations who appear in gowns on solemn occasions. I then mentioned akind of stuff, not above eightpence a yard, which I heard had beencontrived by some of the trade and was very convenient. I desired theywould prepare some of that or any sort of black stuff on a certain day, when your Grace would appoint as many clergymen as could readily befound to meet at your Palace, and there give their opinions; and thatyour Grace's visitations approaching you could then have the bestopportunity of seeing what could be done in a matter of suchconsequence, as they seemed to think, to the woollen manufacture. Butinstead of attending, as was expected, they came to me a fortnightafter, with a new proposal; that something should be writ by anacceptable and able hand to promote in general the wearing of homemanufactures, and their civilities would seem to fix that work upon me. I asked whether they had prepared the stuffs, as they had promised, andyour Grace expected; but they had not made the least step in the matter, nor as it appears thought of it more. 

I did some years ago propose to the masters and principal dealers in thehome manufactures of silk and wool, that they should meet together, andafter mature consideration, publish advertisements to the followingpurpose. [101] That in order to encourage the wearing of Irishmanufactures in silk and woollen, they gave notice to the nobility andgentry of the Kingdom, That they the undersigned would enter into bonds, for themselves and for each other, to sell the several sorts of stuffs, cloths and silks, made to the best perfection they were able, forcertain fixed prices, and in such a manner, that if a child were sent toany of their shops, the buyer might be secure of the value and goodness, and measure of the ware, and lest this might be thought to look like amonopoly any other member of the trade might be admitted upon suchconditions as should be agreed on. And if any person whatsoever shouldcomplain that he was ill used in the value or goodness of what hebought, the matter should be examined, the person injured be fullysatisfied, by the whole corporation without delay, and the dishonestseller be struck out of the society, unless it appeared evidently thatthe failure proceeded only from mistake. 

The mortal danger is, that if these dealers could prevail by thegoodness and cheapness of their cloths and stuffs to give a turn to theprincipal people of Ireland in favour of their goods, they would relapseinto the knavish practice peculiar to this Kingdom, which is apt to runthrough all trades even so low as a common ale-seller, who as soon as hegets a vogue for his liquor, and outsells his neighbour, thinks hiscredit will put off the worst he can buy; till his customers will comeno more. Thus I have known at London in a general mourning, the drapersdye black all their old damaged goods, and sell them at double rates, and then complain and petition the Court, that they are ready to starveby the continuance of the mourning. 

Therefore I say, those principal weavers who would enter in such acompact as I have mentioned, must give sufficient security against allsuch practices; for if once the women can persuade their husbands thatforeign goods besides the finery will be as cheap, and do more service, our last state will be worse than the first. 

I do not here pretend to digest perfectly the method by which theseprincipal shopkeepers shall proceed in such a proposal; but my meaningis clear enough, and cannot reasonably be objected against. 

We have seen what a destructive loss the Kingdom received by thedetestable fraud of the merchants, or Northern weavers, or both, notwithstanding all the care of the Governers at that Board; the wholetrade with Spain for our linen, when we had an offer of commerce withthe Spaniards, to the value as I am told of three hundred thousandpounds a year. But while we deal like pedlars, we shall practise likepedlars; and sacrifice all honesty to the present urging advantage. 

What I have said may serve as an answer to the desire made me by theCorporation of Weavers, that I would offer my notions to the public. Asto anything further, let them apply themselves to the Parliament intheir next Session. Let them prevail in the House of Commons to grantone very reasonable request: And I shall think there is still somespirit left in the Nation, when I read a vote to this purpose:"Resolved, _nemine contradicente_, That this House will, for the future, wear no clothes but such as are made of Irish growth, or of Irishmanufacture, nor will permit their wives or children to wear any other;and that they will to the utmost endeavour to prevail with theirfriends, relations, dependants and tenants to follow their example. " Andif at the same time they could banish tea and coffee, and china-ware, out of their families, and force their wives to chat their scandal overan infusion of sage, or other wholesome domestic vegetables, we mightpossibly be able to subsist, and pay our absentees, pensioners, generals, civil officers, appeals, colliers, temporary travellers, students, schoolboys, splenetic visitors of Bath, Tunbridge, and Epsom, with all other smaller drains, by sending our crude unwrought goods toEngland, and receiving from thence and all other countries nothing butwhat is fully manufactured, and keep a few potatoes and oatmeal for ourown subsistence. 

I have been for a dozen years past wisely prognosticating the presentcondition of this Kingdom, which any human creature of common sensecould foretell with as little sagacity as myself. My meaning is that aconsumptive body must needs die, which hath spent all its spirits andreceived no nourishment. Yet I am often tempted to pity when I hear thepoor farmer and cottager lamenting the hardness of the times, andimputing them either to one or two ill seasons, which better climatesthan ours are more exposed to, or to the scarcity of silver which to aNation of Liberty would be only a slight and temporary inconveniency, tobe removed at a month's warning. 

Ap. , 1729. 

OBSERVATIONS, OCCASIONED BY READING A PAPER ENTITLED, "THE

CASE OF THE WOOLLEN MANUFACTURES

OF DUBLIN, " ETC. [102]

The paper called "The Case of the Woollen Manufactures, " &c. Is verywell drawn up. The reasonings of the authors are just, the facts true, and the consequences natural. But his censure of those seven vilecitizens, who import such a quantity of silk stuffs and woollen clothfrom England, is an hundred times gentler than enemies to their countrydeserve; because I think no punishment in this world can be great enoughfor them, without immediate repentance and amendment. But, after all, the writer of that paper hath very lightly touched one point of thegreatest importance, and very poorly answered the main objection, thatthe clothiers are defective both in the quality and quantity of theirgoods. 

For my own part, when I consider the several societies of handicraftsmenin all kinds, as well as shopkeepers, in this city, after eighteenyears' experience of their dealings, I am at a loss to know in which ofthese societies the most or least honesty is to be found. For instance, when any trade comes first into my head, upon examination I determine itexceeds all others in fraud. But after I have considered them all round, as far as my knowledge or experience reacheth, I am at a loss todetermine, and to save trouble I put them all upon a par. This I chieflyapply to those societies of men who get their livelihood by the labourof their hands. For, as to shopkeepers, I cannot deny that I have foundsome few honest men among them, taking the word honest in the largestand most charitable sense. But as to handicraftsmen, although I shallendeavour to believe it possible to find a fair dealer among theirclans, yet I confess it hath never been once my good fortune to employone single workman, who did not cheat me at all times to the utmost ofhis power in the materials, the work, and the price. One universal maximI have constantly observed among them, that they would rather gain ashilling by cheating you, than twenty in the honest way of dealing, although they were sure to lose your custom, as well as that of others, whom you might probably recommend to them. 

This, I must own, is the natural consequence of poverty and oppression. These wretched people catch at any thing to save them a minute longerfrom drowning. Thus Ireland is the poorest of all civilized countries inEurope, with every natural advantage to make it one of the richest. 

As to the grand objection, which this writer slubbers over in socareless a manner, because indeed it was impossible to find asatisfactory answer, I mean the knavery of our woollen manufacturers ingeneral, I shall relate some facts, which I had more opportunities toobserve than usually fall in the way of men who are not of the trade. For some years, the masters and wardens, with many of their principalworkmen and shopkeepers, came often to the Deanery to relate theirgrievances, and to desire my advice as well as my assistance. Whatreasons might move them to this proceeding, I leave to publicconjecture. The truth is, that the woollen manufacture of this kingdomsate always nearest my heart. But the greatest difficulty lay in theseperpetual differences between the shopkeepers and workmen they employed. Ten or a dozen of these latter often came to the Deanery with theircomplaints, which I often repeated to the shopkeepers. As, that theybrought their prices too low for a poor weaver to get his bread by; andinstead of ready money for their labour on Saturdays, they gave themonly such a quantity of cloth or stuff, at the highest rate, which thepoor men were often forced to sell one-third below the rate, to supplytheir urgent necessities. On the other side, the shopkeepers complainedof idleness, and want of skill, or care, or honesty, in their workmen;and probably their accusations on both sides were just. 

Whenever the weavers, in a body, came to me for advice, I gave itfreely, that they should contrive some way to bring their goods intoreputation; and give up that abominable principle of endeavouring tothrive by imposing bad ware at high prices to their customers, wherebyno shopkeeper can reasonably expect to thrive. For, besides the dread ofGod's anger, (which is a motive of small force among them, ) they may besure that no buyer of common sense will return to the same shop where hewas once or twice defrauded. That gentlemen and ladies, when they foundnothing but deceit in the sale of Irish cloths and stuffs, would act asthey ought to do, both in prudence and resentment, in going to thosevery bad citizens the writer mentions, and purchase English goods. 

I went farther, and proposed that ten or a dozen of the most substantialwoollen-drapers should join in publishing an advertisement, signed withtheir names to the following purpose:--That for the better encouragementof all gentlemen, &c. The persons undernamed did bind themselvesmutually to sell their several cloths and stuffs, (naming each kind) atthe lowest rate, right merchantable goods, of such a breadth, which theywould warrant to be good according to the several prices; and that if achild of ten years old were sent with money, and directions what clothor stuff to buy, he should not be wronged in any one article. And thatwhoever should think himself ill-used in any of the said shops, heshould have his money again from the seller, or upon his refusal, fromthe rest of the said subscribers, who, if they found the buyerdiscontented with the cloth or stuff, should be obliged to refund themoney; and if the seller refused to repay them, and take his goodsagain, should publicly advertise that they would answer for none of hisgoods any more. This would be to establish credit, upon which all tradedependeth. 

I proposed this scheme several times to the corporation of weavers, aswell as to the manufacturers, when they came to apply for my advice atthe Deanery-house. I likewise went to the shops of severalwoollen-drapers upon the same errand, but always in vain; for theyperpetually gave me the deaf ear, and avoided entering into discourseupon that proposal: I suppose, because they thought it was in vain, andthat the spirit of fraud had gotten too deep and universal a possessionto be driven out by any arguments from interest, reason, or conscience. 

THE

PRESENT MISERABLE STATE

OF

IRELAND. 

 NOTE. 

 The following tract was taken by Sir Walter Scott "from a little miscellaneous 12mo volume of pamphlets, communicated by Mr. Hartsonge, relating chiefly to Irish affairs, the property at one time of Thomas Kingsbury, Esq. , son of Dr. Kingsbury, who attended Swift in his last illness. " The present editor came across a similar volume while on a visit of research in Dublin, among the collection of books which belonged to the late Sir W. Gilbert, and which were being catalogued for auction by the bookseller, Mr. O'Donoghue. The little 12mo contained this tract which had, as Sir W. Scott points out, a portrait of Swift at the end, on the recto of the last leaf. 

 According to Sir W. Scott, the friend in Dublin to whom the letter is supposed to be addressed, was Sir Robert Walpole. If Scott be correct, and there seems little reason to doubt his conjecture, the tract must have been written in the second half of the year 1726. In the early part of that year Swift had an interview with Walpole. Our knowledge of what transpired at that interview is obtained from Swift's letter of April 28th, 1726, to Lord Peterborough; from Swift's letter to Dr. Stopford of July 20th, 1726; from Pope's letter to Swift of September 3rd, 1726; and from Swift's letter to Lady Betty Germaine of January 8th, 1732/3. From these letters we learn that Swift was really invited by Walpole to meet him. Swift's visit to England concerned itself mainly with the publication of "Gulliver's Travels, " but Sir Henry Craik thinks that Swift had other thoughts. "As regards politics, " says this biographer, "he was encouraged to hope that without loss either of honour or consistency, it was open to him to make terms with the new powers. In the end, the result proved that he either over-estimated his own capacity of surrendering his independence, or under-estimated the terms that would be exacted. " This remark would leave it open for a reader to conclude that Swift would, at a certain price, have been ready to join Walpole and his party. But the letters referred to do not in the least warrant such a conclusion. Swift's thought was for Ireland, and had he been successful with Walpole in his pleading for Ireland's cause that minister might have found an ally in Swift; but the price to be paid was not to the man. From Swift's letter to Peterborough we are at once introduced to Ireland's case, and his point of view on this was so opposed to Walpole's preconceived notions of how best to govern Ireland, as well as of his settled plans, that Swift found, as he put it, that Walpole "had conceived opinions ... Which I could not reconcile to the notions I had of liberty. " Not at all of his own liberty, but of that of the liberty of a nation; for, as he says (giving now the quotation in full): "I had no other design in desiring to see Sir Robert Walpole, than to represent the affairs of Ireland to him in a true light, not only without any view to myself, but to any party whatsoever ... I failed very much in my design; for I saw that he had conceived opinions, _from the example and practices of the present, and some former governors_, which I could not reconcile to the notions I had of liberty. " The part given here in italics is omitted by Sir H. Craik in his quotation. 

 Swift saw Walpole twice--once at Walpole's invitation at a dinner at Chelsea, and a second time at his own wish, expressed through Lord Peterborough. At the first meeting nothing of politics could be broached, as the encounter was a public one. The second meeting was private and resulted in nothing. The letter to Peterborough was written by Swift the day after he had seen Walpole, and Peterborough was requested to show it to that minister. The letter is so pertinent to the subject-matter of this volume that it is printed here:

 "_April 28th, 1726. _ "SWIFT TO THE EARL OF PETERBOROUGH. 

 "MY LORD, "Your lordship having, at my request, obtained for me an hour from Sir Robert Walpole, I accordingly attended him yesterday at eight o'clock in the morning, and had somewhat more than an hour's conversation with him. Your lordship was this day pleased to inquire what passed between that great minister and me; to which I gave you some general answers, from whence you said you could comprehend little or nothing. 

 "I had no other design in desiring to see Sir Robert Walpole, than to represent the affairs of Ireland to him in a true light, not only without any view to myself, but to any party whatsoever: and, because I understood the affairs of that kingdom tolerably well, and observed the representations he had received were such as I could not agree to; my principal design was to set him right, not only for the service of Ireland, but likewise of England, and of his own administration. 

 "I failed very much in my design; for I saw he had conceived opinions, from the example and practices of the present, and some former governors, which I could not reconcile to the notions I had of liberty, a possession always understood by the British nation to be the inheritance of a human creature. 

 "Sir Robert Walpole was pleased to enlarge very much upon the subject of Ireland, in a manner so alien from what I conceived to be the rights and privileges of a subject of England, that I did not think proper to debate the matter with him so much as I otherwise might, because I found it would be in vain. I shall, therefore, without entering into dispute, make bold to mention to your lordship some few grievances of that kingdom, as it consists of a people who, beside a natural right of enjoying the privileges of subjects, have also a claim of merit from their extraordinary loyalty to the present king and his family. 

 "First, That all persons born in Ireland are called and treated as Irishmen, although their fathers and grandfathers were born in England; and their predecessors having been conquerors of Ireland, it is humbly considered they ought to be on as good a foot as any subjects of Britain, according to the practice of all other nations, and particularly of the Greeks and Romans. 

 "Secondly, That they are denied the natural liberty of exporting their manufactures to any country which is not engaged in a war with England. 

 "Thirdly, That whereas there is a university in Ireland, founded by Queen Elizabeth, where youth are instructed with a much stricter discipline than either in Oxford or Cambridge, it lies under the greatest discouragements, by filling all the principal employments, civil and ecclesiastical, with persons from England, who have neither interest, property, acquaintance, nor alliance, in that kingdom; contrary to the practice of all other states in Europe which are governed by viceroys, at least what hath never been used without the utmost discontents of the people. 

 "Fourthly, That several of the bishops sent over to Ireland, having been clergymen of obscure condition, and without other distinction than that of chaplains to the governors, do frequently invite over their old acquaintances or kindred, to whom they bestow the best preferment in their gift. The like may be said of the judges, who take with them one or two dependants, to whom they give their countenance; and who, consequently, without other merit, grow immediately into the chief business of their courts. The same practice is followed by all others in civil employments, if they have a cousin, a valet, or footman in their family, born in England. 

 "Fifthly, That all civil employments, granted in reversion, are given to persons who reside in England. 

 "The people of Ireland, who are certainly the most loyal subjects in the world, cannot but conceive that most of these hardships have been the consequence of some unfortunate representations (at least) in former times; and the whole body of the gentry feel the effects in a very sensible part, being utterly destitute of all means to make provision for their younger sons, either in the Church, the law, the revenue, or (of late) in the army; and, in the desperate condition of trade, it is equally vain to think of making them merchants. All they have left is, at the expiration of leases, to rack their tenants, which they have done to such a degree, that there is not one farmer in a hundred through the kingdom who can afford shoes or stockings to his children, or to eat flesh, or drink anything better than sour milk or water, twice in a year; so that the whole country, except the Scottish plantation in the north, is a scene of misery and desolation hardly to be matched on this side of Lapland. 

 "The rents of Ireland are computed to about a million and a half, whereof one half million at least is spent by lords and gentlemen residing in England, and by some other articles too long to mention. 

 "About three hundred thousand pounds more are returned thither on other accounts; and, upon the whole, those who are the best versed in that kind of knowledge agree, that England gains annually by Ireland a million at least, which even I could make appear beyond all doubt. 

 "But, as this mighty profit would probably increase, with tolerable treatment, to half a million more, so it must of necessity sink, under the hardships that kingdom lies at present. 

 "And whereas Sir Robert Walpole was pleased to take notice, how little the king gets by Ireland, it ought, perhaps to be considered, that the revenues and taxes, I think, amount to above four hundred thousand pounds a-year; and, reckoning the riches of Ireland, compared with England, to be as one to twelve, the king's revenues there would be equal to more than five millions here; which, considering the bad payment of rents, from such miserable creatures as most of the tenants in Ireland are, will be allowed to be as much as such a kingdom can bear. 

 "The current coin of Ireland is reckoned, at most, but at five hundred thousand pounds; so that above four-fifths are paid every year into the exchequer. 

 "I think it manifest, that whatever circumstances could possibly contribute to make a country poor and despicable, are all united with respect to Ireland. The nation controlled by laws to which they do not consent, disowned by their brethren and countrymen, refused the liberty not only of trading with their own manufactures, but even their native commodities, forced to seek for justice many hundred miles by sea and land, rendered in a manner incapable of serving their king and country in any employment of honour, trust, or profit; and all this without the least demerit; while the governors sent over thither can possibly have no affection to the people, further than what is instilled into them by their own justice and love of mankind, which do not always operate; and whatever they please to represent hither is never called in question. 

 "Whether the representatives of such a people, thus distressed and laid in the dust, when they meet in a parliament, can do the public business with that cheerfulness which might be expected from free-born subjects, would be a question in any other country except that unfortunate island; the English inhabitants whereof have given more and greater examples of their loyalty and dutifulness, than can be shown in any other part of the world. 

 "What part of these grievances may be thought proper to be redressed by so wise and great a minister as Sir Robert Walpole, he perhaps will please to consider; especially because they have been all brought upon that kingdom since the Revolution; which, however, is a blessing annually celebrated there with the greatest zeal and sincerity. 

 "I most humbly entreat your lordship to give this paper to Sir Robert Walpole, and desire him to read it, which he may do in a few minutes. I am, with the greatest respect, my lord, "Your lordship's "most obedient and humble servant, "JON. SWIFT. "

 Scott thinks that had Swift been anxious for personal favours from Walpole he could easily have obtained them; "but the minister did not choose to gain his adherence at the expense of sacrificing the system which had hitherto guided England in her conduct towards the sister kingdom, and the patriot of Ireland was not to be won at a cheaper rate than the emancipation of his country. "

 The original pamphlet bears neither date nor printer's name. 

 [T. S. ]

THE PRESENT MISERABLE STATE OF IRELAND. 

SIR, By the last packets I had the favour of yours, and am surprised that youshould apply to a person so ill qualified as I am, for a full andimpartial account of the state of our trade. I have always lived asretired as possible; I have carefully avoided the perplexed honour ofcity-offices; I have never minded anybody's business but my own; uponall which accounts, and several others, you might easily have foundamong my fellow-citizens, persons more capable to resolve the weightyquestions you put to me, than I can pretend to be. 

But being entirely at leisure, even at this season of the year, when Iused to have scarce time sufficient to perform the necessary offices oflife, I will endeavour to comply with your requests, cautioning you notimplicitly to rely upon what I say, excepting what belongs to thatbranch of trade in which I am more immediately concerned. 

The Irish trade is, at present, in the most deplorable condition thatcan be imagined; to remedy it, the causes of its languishment must beinquired into: But as those causes (you may assure yourself) will not beremoved, you may look upon it as a thing past hopes of recovery. 

The first and greatest shock our trade received, was from an act passedin the reign of King William, in the Parliament of England, prohibitingthe exportation of wool manufactured in Ireland. An act (as the eventplainly shews) fuller of greediness than good policy; an act asbeneficial to France and Spain, as it has been destructive to Englandand Ireland. [103] At the passing of this fatal act, the condition ofour trade was glorious and flourishing, though no way interfering withthe English; we made no broad-cloths above _6s. _ per yard; coarsedruggets, bays and shalloons, worsted damasks, strong draught works, slight half-works, and gaudy stuffs, were the only product of our looms:these were partly consumed by the meanest of our people, and partlysent to the northern nations, from which we had in exchange, timber, iron, hemp, flax, pitch, tar, and hard dollars. At the time the currentmoney of Ireland was foreign silver, a man could hardly receive _100l. _, without finding the coin of all the northern powers, and every prince ofthe empire among it. This money was returned into England for finecloths, silks, &c. For our own wear, for rents, for coals, for hardware, and all other English manufactures, and, in a great measure, suppliedthe London merchants with foreign silver for exportation. 

The repeated clamours of the English weavers produced this act, sodestructive to themselves and us. They looked with envious eyes upon ourprosperity, and complained of being undersold by us in thosecommodities, which they themselves did not deal in. At their instancesthe act was passed, and we lost our profitable northern trade. Have theygot it? No, surely, you have found they have ever since declined in thetrade they so happily possessed; you shall find (if I am rightlyinformed) towns without one loom in them, which subsisted entirely uponthe woollen manufactory before the passing of this unhappy bill; and Iwill try if I can give the true reasons for the decay of their trade, and our calamities. 

Three parts in four of the inhabitants of that district of the townwhere I dwell were English manufacturers, whom either misfortunes intrade, little petty debts, contracted through idleness, or the pressuresof a numerous family, had driven into our cheap country: These wereemployed in working up our coarse wool, while the finest was sent intoEngland. Several of these had taken the children of the native Irishapprentices to them, who being humbled by the forfeiture of upward ofthree millions by the Revolution, were obliged to stoop to a mechanicindustry. Upon the passing of this bill, we were obliged to dismissthousands of these people from our service. Those who had settled theiraffairs returned home, and overstocked England with workmen; those whosedebts were unsatisfied went to France, Spain, and the Netherlands, wherethey met with good encouragement, whereby the natives, having got a firmfooting in the trade, being acute fellows, soon became as good workmenas any we have, and supply the foreign manufactories with a constantrecruit of artisans; our island lying much more under pasture than anyin Europe. The foreigners (notwithstanding all the restrictions theEnglish Parliament has bound us up with) are furnished with the greatestquantity of our choicest wool. I need not tell you, sir, that acustom-house oath is held as little sacred here as in England, or thatit is common for masters of vessels to swear themselves bound for one ofthe English wool ports, and unload in France or Spain. By this means thetrade in those parts is, in a great measure, destroyed, and we wereobliged to try our hands at finer works, having only our homeconsumption to depend upon; and, I can assure you, we have, in severalkinds of narrow goods, even exceeded the English, and I believe weshall, in a few years more, be able to equal them in broad cloths; butthis you may depend upon, that scarce the tenth part of English goodsare now imported, of what used to be before the famous act. 

The only manufactured wares we are allowed to export, are linen clothand linen yarn, which are marketable only in England; the rest of ourcommodities are wool, restrained to England, and raw hides, skins, tallow, beef, and butter. Now, these are things for which the northernnations have no occasion; we are therefore obliged, instead of carryingwoollen goods to their markets, and bringing home money, to purchasetheir commodities. 

In France, Spain, and Portugal, our wares are more valuable, though itmust be owned, our fraudulent trade in wool is the best branch of ourcommerce; from hence we get wines, brandy, and fruit, very cheap, andin great perfection; so that though England has constrained us to bepoor, they have given us leave to be merry. From these countries webring home moydores, pistoles, and louisdores, without which we shouldscarce have a penny to turn upon. 

To England we are allowed to send nothing but linen cloth, yarn, rawhides, skins, tallow, and wool. From thence we have coals, for which wealways pay ready money, India goods, English woollen and silks, tobacco, hardware, earthenware, salt, and several other commodities. Ourexportations to England are very much overbalanced by our importations;so that the course of exchange is generally too high, and people chooserather to make their remittances to England in specie, than by a bill, and our nation is perpetually drained of its little running cash. 

Another cause of the decay of trade, scarcity of money, and swelling ofexchange, is the unnatural affectation of our gentry to reside in andabout London. [104] Their rents are remitted to them, and spent there. The countryman wants employment from them; the country shopkeeper wantstheir custom. For this reason he can't pay his Dublin correspondentreadily, nor take off a great quantity of his wares. Therefore, theDublin merchant can't employ the artisan, nor keep up his credit inforeign markets. 

I have discoursed some of these gentlemen, persons esteemed for goodsense, and demanded a reason for this their so unaccountableproceeding, --expensive to them for the present, ruinous to theircountry, and destructive to the future value of their estates, --and findall their answers summed up under three heads, curiosity, pleasure, andloyalty to King George. The two first excuses deserve no answer; let ustry the validity of the third. Would not loyalty be much betterexpressed by gentlemen staying in their respective countries, influencing their dependents by their examples, saving their own wealth, and letting their neighbours profit by their necessary expenses, therebykeeping them from misery, and its unavoidable consequence, discontent?Or is it better to flock to London, be lost in a crowd, kiss the King'shand, and take a view of the royal family? The seeing of the royal housemay animate their zeal for it; but other advantages I know not. Whatemployment have any of our gentlemen got by their attendance at Court, to make up to them their expenses? Why, about forty of them have beencreated peers, and a little less than a hundred of them baronets andknights. For these excellent advantages, thousands of our gentry havesqueezed their tenants, impoverished the trader, and impaired their ownfortunes!

Another great calamity, is the exorbitant raising of the rents of lands. Upon the determination of all leases made before the year 1690, agentleman thinks he has but indifferently improved his estate if he hasonly doubled his rent-roll. Farms are screwed up to a rack-rent, leasesgranted but for a small term of years, tenants tied down to hardconditions, and discouraged from cultivating the lands they occupy tothe best advantage, by the certainty they have of the rent being raised, on the expiration of their lease, proportionably to the improvementsthey shall make. Thus is honest industry restrained; the farmer is aslave to his landlord; 'tis well if he can cover his family with acoarse home-spun frieze. The artisan has little dealings with him; yethe is obliged to take his provisions from him at an extravagant price, otherwise the farmer cannot pay his rent. 

The proprietors of lands keep great part of them in their own hands forsheep-pasture; and there are thousands of poor wretches who thinkthemselves blessed, if they can obtain a hut worse than the squire'sdog-kennel, and an acre of ground for a potato-plantation, on conditionof being as very slaves as any in America. What can be more deplorable, than to behold wretches starving in the midst of plenty!

We are apt to charge the Irish with laziness, because we seldom findthem employed; but then we don't consider they have nothing to do. SirWilliam Temple, in his excellent remarks on the United Provinces, inquires why Holland, which has the fewest and worst ports andcommodities of any nation in Europe, should abound in trade, andIreland, which has the most and best of both, should have none? Thisgreat man attributes this surprising accident to the natural aversionman has for labour; who will not be persuaded to toil and fatiguehimself for the superfluities of life throughout the week, when he mayprovide himself with all necessary subsistence by the labour of a day ortwo. But, with due submission to Sir William's profound judgment, thewant of trade with us is rather owing to the cruel restraints we lieunder, than to any disqualification whatsoever in our inhabitants. 

I have not, sir, for these thirty years past, since I was concerned intrade, (the greatest part of which time distresses have been flowing inupon us, ) ever observed them to swell so suddenly to such a height asthey have done within these few months. Our present calamities are notto be represented; you can have no notion of them without beholdingthem. Numbers of miserable objects crowd our doors, begging us to taketheir wares at any price, to prevent their families from immediatestarving. We cannot part with our money to them, both because we knownot when we shall have vent for their goods; and, as there are no debtspaid, we are afraid of reducing ourselves to their lamentablecircumstances. The dismal time of trade we had during Marr's Troubles inScotland, are looked upon as happy days when compared with thepresent. [105]

I need not tell you, sir, that this griping want, this dismal poverty, this additional woe, must be put to the accursed stocks, which havedesolated our country more effectually than England. Stockjobbing was akind of traffic we were utterly unacquainted with. We went late to theSouth Sea market, and bore a great share in the losses of it, withouthaving tasted any of its profits. 

If many in England have been ruined by stocks, some have been advanced. The English have a free and open trade to repair their losses; but, above all, a wise, vigilant, and uncorrupted Parliament and ministry, strenuously endeavouring to restore public trade to its former happystate. Whilst we, having lost the greatest part of our cash, without anyprobability of its returning, must despair of retrieving our losses bytrade, and have before our eyes the dismal prospect of universal povertyand desolation. 

I believe, sir, you are by this time heartily tired with this indigestedletter, and are firmly persuaded of the truth of what I said in thebeginning of it, that you had much better have imposed this task on someof our citizens of greater abilities. But perhaps, sir, such a letter asthis may be, for the singularity of it, entertaining to you, whocorrespond with the politest and most learned men in Europe. But I amsatisfied you will excuse its want of exactness and perspicuity, whenyou consider my education, my being unaccustomed to writings of thisnature, and, above all, those calamitous objects which constantlysurround us, sufficient to disturb the cleanest imagination, and thesoundest judgment. 

Whatever cause I have given you, by this letter, to think worse of mysense and judgment, I fancy I have given you a manifest proof that I am, sir, Your most obedient humble servant, J. S. 

THE SUBSTANCE

OF WHAT WAS SAID BY

THE DEAN OF ST. PATRICK'S

TO

THE LORD MAYOR AND SOME OF THE ALDERMEN, WHEN HIS LORDSHIP CAME TO PRESENT THE SAID

DEAN WITH HIS FREEDOM IN A GOLD BOX. 

 NOTE. 

 It was only proper and fitting that the citizens and freemen of the City of Dublin should express their sense of the high appreciation in which they held the writer of the "Drapier's Letters, " and the man who had fought and was still fighting for an alleviation of the grievances under which their country suffered. The Dublin Corporation, in 1729, presented Swift with the freedom of the city, an honour rarely bestowed, and only on men in high position and power. To Swift the honour was welcome. It was a public act of justification of what he had done, and it came gratefully to the man who had at one time been abused and reviled by the people of the very city which was now honouring him. Furthermore, such a confirmation of his acts set the seal of public authority which was desirable, even if not necessary, to a man of Swift's temper. He could save himself much trouble by merely pointing to the gold box which was presented to him with the freedom. Even in this last moment, however, of public recognition, he was not allowed to receive it without a snarl from one of the crowd of the many slanderers who found it safer to backbite him. Lord Allen may have been wrong in his head, or ill-advised, or foolishly over-zealous, but his ill-tempered upbraiding of the Dublin Corporation for what he called their treasonable extravagance in thus honouring Swift, whom he deemed an enemy of the King, was the act of a fool. Swift was not the man to let the occasion slip by without advantage. In the substance of what he said to the Lord Mayor and Aldermen of Dublin in accepting their gift, he replied to the charges made by Lord Allen, and also issued a special advertisement by way of defence against what the lord had thought fit to say. 

 * * * * *

 Both these pieces are here reprinted; the first from a broadside in the British Museum, and the second from a manuscript copy in the Forster Collection at South Kensington. 

 [T. S. ]

THE SUBSTANCE OF WHAT WAS SAID BY THE DEAN OF ST. PATRICK'S

TO THE LORD MAYOR AND SOME OF THE ALDERMEN, WHEN HISLORDSHIP CAME TO PRESENT THE SAID DEAN WITH HIS FREEDOMIN A GOLD BOX. 

When his Lordship had said a few words, and presented the instrument, the Dean gently put it back, and desired first to be heard. He said, "Hewas much obliged to his lordship and the city for the honour they weregoing to do him, and which, as he was informed, they had long intendedhim. That it was true, this honour was mingled with a littlemortification by the delay which attended it, but which, however, he didnot impute to his lordship or the city; and that the mortification wasthe less, because he would willingly hope the delay was founded on amistake;--for which opinion he would tell his reason. "

He said, "It was well known, that, some time ago, a person with atitle[106] was pleased, in two great assemblies, to rattle bitterlysomebody without a name, under the injurious appellations of a Tory, aJacobite, an enemy to King George, and a libeller of the government;which character, " the Dean said that, "many people thought was appliedto him. But he was unwilling to be of that opinion, because the personwho had delivered those abusive words, had, for several years, caressed, and courted, and solicited his friendship more than any man in eitherkingdom had ever done, --by inviting him to his house in town andcountry, --by coming to the Deanery often, and calling or sending almostevery day when the Dean was sick, --with many other particulars of thesame nature, which continued even to a day or two of the time when thesaid person made those invectives in the council and House of Lords. Therefore, that the Dean would by no means think those scurrilous wordscould be intended against him; because such a proceeding would overthrowall the principles of honour, justice, religion, truth, and even commonhumanity. Therefore the Dean will endeavour to believe, that the saidperson had some other object in his thoughts, and it was only theuncharitable custom of the world that applied this character to him. However, that he would insist on this argument no longer. But one thinghe would affirm and declare, without assigning any name, or making anyexception, that whoever either did, or does, or shall hereafter, at anytime, charge him with the character of a Jacobite, an enemy to KingGeorge, or a libeller of the government, the said accusation was, is, and will be, false, malicious, slanderous, and altogether groundless. And he would take the freedom to tell his lordship, and the rest thatstood by, that he had done more service to the Hanover title, and moredisservice to the Pretender's cause, than forty thousand of those noisy, railing, malicious, empty zealots, to whom nature hath denied any talentthat could be of use to God or their country, and left them only thegift of reviling, and spitting their venom, against all who differ fromthem in their destructive principles, both in church and state. That heconfessed, it was sometimes his misfortune to dislike some things inpublic proceedings in both kingdoms, wherein he had often the honour toagree with wise and good men; but this did by no means affect either hisloyalty to his prince, or love to his country. But, on the contrary, heprotested, that such dislikes never arose in him from any otherprinciples than the duty he owed to the king, and his affection to thekingdom. That he had been acquainted with courts and ministers longenough, and knew too well that the best ministers might mistake inpoints of great importance; and that he had the honour to know many moreable, and at least full as honest, as any can be at present. "

The Dean further said, "That since he had been so falsely represented, he thought it became him to give some account of himself for abouttwenty years, if it were only to justify his lordship and the city forthe honour they were going to do him. " He related briefly, how, "merelyby his own personal credit, without other assistance, and in twojourneys at his own expense, he had procured a grant of the first-fruitsto the clergy, in the late Queen's time, for which he thought hedeserved some gentle treatment from his brethren. [107] That, during allthe administration of the said ministry, he had been a constant advocatefor those who are called the Whigs, --and kept many of them in theiremployments both in England and here, --and some who were afterwards thefirst to lift up their heels against him. " He reflected a little uponthe severe treatment he had met with upon his return to Ireland afterher Majesty's death, and for some years after. "That being forced tolive retired, he could think of no better way to do public service, thanby employing all the little money he could save, and lending it, withoutinterest, in small sums to poor industrious tradesmen, without examiningtheir party or their faith. And God had so far pleased to bless hisendeavours, that his managers tell him he hath recovered above twohundred families in this city from ruin, and placed most of them in acomfortable way of life. "

The Dean related, how much he had suffered in his purse, and with whathazard to his liberty, by a most iniquitous judge[108]; who, to gratifyhis ambition and rage of party, had condemned an innocent book, writtenwith no worse a design, than to persuade the people of this kingdom towear their own manufactures. [109] How the said judge had endeavoured toget a jury to his mind; but they proved so honest, that he was forced tokeep them eleven hours, and send them back nine times; until, at last, they were compelled to leave the printer[110] to the mercy of the court, and the Dean was forced to procure a _noli prosequi_ from a nobleperson, then secretary of state, who had been his old friend. 

The Dean then freely confessed himself to be the author of those bookscalled "The Drapier's Letters;" spoke gently of the proclamation, offering three hundred pounds to discover the writer. [111] He said, "That although a certain person was pleased to mention those books in aslight manner at a public assembly, yet he (the Dean) had learned tobelieve, that there were ten thousand to one in the kingdom who differedfrom that person; and the people of England, who had ever heard of thematter, as well as in France, were all of the same opinion. "

The Dean mentioned several other particulars, some of which those fromwhom I had the account could not recollect; and others, although ofgreat consequence, perhaps his enemies would not allow him. 

The Dean concluded, with acknowledging to have expressed his wishes, that an inscription might have been graven on the box, shewing somereason why the city thought fit to do him that honour, which was muchout of the common forms to a person in a private station;--thosedistinctions being usually made only to chief governors, or persons invery high employments. 

ADVERTISEMENT BY DR. SWIFT, IN HIS

DEFENCE AGAINST JOSHUA, LORD ALLEN, _Feb. 18, 1729. _

ADVERTISEMENT BY DR. SWIFT, IN HIS DEFENCE AGAINST JOSHUA, LORDALLEN. [112]

"Whereas Dr. Jonathan Swift, Dean of St. Patrick's, Dublin, hath beencredibly informed, that, on Friday the 13th of this instant February, acertain person did, in a public place, and in the hearing of a greatnumber, apply himself to the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor of thiscity, and some of his brethren, in the following reproachful manner: 'Mylord, you and your city can squander away the public money, in giving agold box to a fellow who hath libelled the government!' or words to thateffect. 

"Now, if the said words, or words to the like effect, were intendedagainst him the said Dean, and as a reflection on the Right Hon. TheLord Mayor, aldermen, and commons, for their decreeing unanimously, andin full assembly, the freedom of this city to the said Dean, in anhonourable manner, on account of an opinion they had conceived of someservices done by him the said Dean to this city, and to the kingdom ingeneral, --the said Dean doth declare, That the said words, or words tothe like effect, are insolent, false, scandalous, malicious, and, in aparticular manner, perfidious; the said person, who is reported to havespoken the said or the like words, having, for some years past, and evenwithin some few days, professed a great friendship for the said Dean;and, what is hardly credible, sending a common friend of the Dean andhimself, not many hours after the said or the like words had beenspoken, to renew his profession of friendship to the said Dean, butconcealing the oratory; whereof the said Dean had no account till thefollowing day, and then told it to all his friends. "

A

LETTER

ON

MR. M'CULLA'S PROJECT ABOUT HALFPENCE, AND A NEW ONE PROPOSED. 

WRITTEN IN 1729. 

 NOTE. 

 The matter of this tract explains itself. M'Culla's project was to put in circulation notes stamped on copper to supply the deficiency in copper coins which Wood attempted. Swift, apparently, took a mild tone towards M'Culla's plan, but thought that M'Culla would make too much out of it for himself. He made a counter proposal which is fully entered into here. Nothing came either of M'Culla's proposal or Swift's counter-suggestion. 

 * * * * *

 The present text is based on that given in the eighth volume of the edition of 1765, and compared with that of Faulkner's edition of 1772. Faulkner's edition differs in many details from that given by Scott. The first sheet only of the original autograph manuscript is in the Forster Collection at South Kensington. 

 [T. S. ]

A LETTER ON MR. M'CULLA'S PROJECT ABOUT HALFPENCE, AND A NEW ONEPROPOSED. 

 SIR, You desire to know my opinion concerning Mr. M'Culla's project, ofcirculating notes stamped on copper, that shall pass for the value ofhalfpence and pence. I have some knowledge of the man; and about a monthago he brought me his book, with a couple of his halfpenny notes: but Iwas then out of order, and he could not be admitted. Since that time Icalled at his house; where I discoursed, the whole affair with him asthoroughly as I could. I am altogether a stranger to his character. Hetalked to me in the usual style, with a great profession of zeal for thepublic good, which is the common cant of all projectors in their Bills, from a First Minister of State down to a corn-cutter. But I stopped himshort, as I would have done a better man; because it is too gross apretence to pass at any time, and especially in this age, where we allknow one another so well. Yet, whoever proposeth any scheme which mayprove to be a public benefit, I shall not quarrel if it prove likewisevery beneficial to the contriver. It is certain, that next to the wantof silver, our greatest distress in point of coin is the want of smallchange, which may be some poor relief for the defect of the former, since the Crown will not please to take that work upon them here as theydo in England. One thing in Mr. M'Culla's book is certainly right, thatno law hinders me from giving a payable note upon leather, wood, copper, brass, iron, or any other material (except gold and silver) as well asupon paper. The question is, whether I can sue him on a copper bond, when there is neither his hand nor seal, nor witnesses to prove it? Tosupply this, he hath proposed, that the materials upon which his note iswritten, shall be in some degree of value equal to the debt. But that isone principal matter to be enquired into. His scheme is this:

He gives you a piece of copper for a halfpenny or penny, stamped with apromissory note to pay you twentypence for every pound of the saidcopper notes, whenever you shall return them. Eight and forty of thehalfpenny pieces are to weigh a pound, and he sells you that poundcoined and stamped for two shillings: by which he clearly gains a littlemore than sixteen _per cent. _; that is to say, twopence in everyshilling. This will certainly arise to a great sum, if he shouldcirculate as large a quantity of his notes, as the kingdom, under thegreat dearth of silver, may very probably require: enough indeed to makeany Irish tradesman's fortune; which, however, I should not repine at inthe least, if we could be sure of his fair-dealing. 

It was obvious for me to raise the common objection, why Mr. M'Cullawould not give security to pay the whole sum to any man who returned himhis copper notes, as my Lord Dartmouth and Colonel Moor were, by theirpatents, obliged to do. [113] To which he gave some answers plausibleenough. First, "He conceived that his coins were much nearer to theintrinsic value than any of those coined by patents, the bulk andgoodness of the metal fully equalling the best English halfpence made bythe crown: That he apprehended the ill-will of envious and designingpeople, who, if they found him to have a great vent for his notes, sincehe wanted the protection of a patent, might make a run upon him, whichhe could not be able to support: And lastly, that his copper, (as isalready said, ) being equal in value and bulk to the English halfpence, he did not apprehend they should ever be returned, unless a combination, proceeding from spite and envy, might be formed against him. "

But there are some points in his proposals which I cannot well answerfor; nor do I know whether he would be able to do it himself. The firstis, whether the copper he gives us will be as good as what the crownprovided for the English halfpence and farthings; and, secondly, whetherhe will always continue to give us as good; and, thirdly, when he willthink fit to stop his hand, and give us no more; for I should be assorry to lie at the mercy of Mr. M'Culla, as of Mr. Wood. 

There is another difficulty of the last importance. It is known enoughthat the Crown is supposed to be neither gainer nor loser by the coinageof any metal; for they subtract, or ought to subtract, no more from theintrinsic value than what will just pay all the charges of the mint; andhow much that will amount to, is the question. By what I could gatherfrom Mr. M'Culla, good copper is worth fourteenpence per pound. By thiscomputation, if he sells his copper notes for two shillings the pound, and will pay twentypence back, then the expense of coinage for one poundof copper must be sixpence, which is thirty per cent. The world shouldbe particularly satisfied on this article before he vends his notes; forthe discount of thirty per cent. Is prodigious, and vastly more than Ican conceive it ought to be. For, if we add to that proportion thesixteen per cent. Which he avows to keep for his own profit, there willbe a discount of about forty-six per cent. Or, to reckon, I think, afairer way: Whoever buys a pound of Mr. M'Culla's coin, at two shillingsper pound, carries home only the real value of fourteenpence, which is apound of copper; and thus he is a loser of _41l. 13s. 4d. _ percent. [114] But, however, this high discount of thirty per cent. Will beno objection against M'Culla's proposals; because, if the charge ofcoinage will honestly amount to so much, and we suppose his copper notesmay be returned upon him, he will be the greater sufferer of the two;because the buyer can lose but fourpence in the pound, and M'Culla mustlose sixpence, which was the charge of the coinage. [115]

Upon the whole, there are some points which must be settled to thegeneral satisfaction, before we can safely take Mr. M'Culla's coppernotes for value received; and how he will give that satisfaction, is notwithin my knowledge or conjecture. The first point is, that we shall bealways sure of receiving good copper, equal in bulk and fineness to thebest English halfpence. 

The second point is, to know what allowance he makes to himself, eitherout of the weight or mixture of his copper, or both, for the charge ofhis coinage. As to the weight, the matter is easy by his own scheme;for, as I have said before, he proposes forty-eight to weigh a pound, which he gives you for two shillings, and receives it by the pound attwentypence: so that, supposing pure copper to be fourteenpence a pound, he makes you pay thirty per cent. For the labour of coining, as I havealready observed, besides sixteen per cent. When he sells it. But if tothis he adds any alloy, to debase the metal, although it be not aboveten per cent. ; then Mr. M'Culla's promissory notes will, as to theintrinsic value of the metal, be above forty-seven per cent. Discount. 

For, subtracting ten per cent. Off sixty pound's worth of copper, itwill (to avoid fractions) be about five and a half per cent. In thewhole _100l. _, which, added to

 41 13 4 5 10 0 ------- will be per cent. 47 3 4

That we are under great distress for change, and that Mr. M'Culla'scopper notes, on supposition of the metal being pure, is less liable toobjection than the project of Wood, may be granted: but such a discount, where we are not sure even of our twentypence a pound, appears hithertoa dead weight on his scheme. 

Since I writ this, calling to mind that I had some copper halfpence byme, I weighed them with those of Mr. M'Culla, and observed as follows:

First, I weighed Mr. M'Culla's halfpenny against an English one of KingCharles II. , which outweighed Mr. M'Culla's a fourth part, ortwenty-five per cent. 

I likewise weighed an Irish Patrick and David halfpenny, whichoutweighed Mr. M'Culla's twelve and a half per cent. It had a very fairand deep impression, and milled very skilfully round. 

I found that even a common halfpenny, well-preserved, weighed equal toMr. M'Culla's. And even some of Wood's halfpence were near equal inweight to his. Therefore, if it be true that he does not think Wood'scopper to have been faulty, he may probably give us no better. 

I have laid these loose thoughts together with little order, to giveyou, and others who may read them, an opportunity of digesting thembetter. I am no enemy to Mr. M'Culla's project; but I would have it putupon a better foot. I own that this halfpenny of King Charles II. , whichI weighed against Mr. M'Culla's, was of the fairest kind I had seen. However, it is plain the Crown could afford it without being aloser. [116] But it is probable that the officers of the mint were thenmore honest than they have since thought fit to be; for I confess not tohave met those of any other year so weighty, or in appearance of so goodmetal, among all the copper coins of the three last reigns; yet these, however, did much outweigh those of Mr. M'Culla; for I have tried theexperiment on a hundred of them. I have indeed seen accidentally one ortwo very light; but it must certainly have been done by chance, orrather I suppose them to be counterfeits. Be that as it will, it isallowed on all hands, that good copper was never known to be cheaperthan it is at present. I am ignorant of the price, further than by hisinforming me that it is only fourteenpence a pound; by which, I observe, he charges the coinage at thirty per cent. ; and therefore I cannot butthink his demands are exorbitant. But, to say the truth, the dearness orcheapness of the metal do not properly enter into the question. What wedesire is, that it should be of the best kind, and as weighty as can beafforded; that the profit of the contriver should be reduced fromsixteen to eight per cent. ; and the charge of coinage, if possible, fromthirty to ten, or fifteen at most. 

Mr. M'Culla must also give good security that he will coin only adeterminate sum, not exceeding twenty thousand pounds; by which, although he should deal with all uprightness imaginable, and make hiscoin as good as that I weighed of King Charles II. , he will, at sixteenper cent. , gain three thousand two hundred pounds; a very goodadditional job to a private tradesman's fortune!

I must advise him also to employ better workmen, and make hisimpressions deeper and plainer; by which a rising rim may be left aboutthe edge of his coin, to preserve the letter from wearing out too soon. He hath no wardens nor masters, or other officers of the mint, to suckup his profit; and therefore can afford to coin cheaper than the Crown, if he will but find good materials, proper implements, and skilfulworkmen. 

Whether this project will succeed in Mr. M'Culla's hands, (which, if itbe honestly executed, I should be glad to see, ) one thing I am confidentof, that it might be easily brought to perfection by a society of nineor ten honest gentlemen of fortune, who wish well to their country, andwould be content to be neither gainers nor losers, further than the bareinterest of their money. And Mr. M'Culla, as being the first starter ofthe scheme, might be considered and rewarded by such a society; whereof, although I am not a man of fortune, I should think it an honour andhappiness to be one, even with borrowed money upon the best security Icould give. And, first, I am confident, without any skill, but bygeneral reason, that the charge of coining copper would be very muchless than thirty per cent. Secondly, I believe ten thousand pounds, inhalfpence and farthings, would be sufficient for the whole kingdom, evenunder our great and most unnecessary distress for the want of silver;and that, without such a distress, half the sum would suffice. For, Icompute and reason thus: the city of Dublin, by a gross computation, contains ten thousand families; and I am told by shopkeepers, "That ifsilver were as plenty as usual, two shillings in copper would besufficient, in the course of business, for each family. " But, inconsideration of the want of silver, I would allow five shillings toeach family, which would amount to _2, 500l. _; and, to help this, I wouldrecommend a currency of all the genuine undefaced harp-halfpence, whichare left, of Lord Dartmouth's and Moor's patents under King Charles II. ;and the small Patrick and David for farthings. To the rest of thekingdom, I would assign the _7, 50l. _ remaining; reckoning Dublin toanswer one-fourth of the kingdom, as London is judged to answer (if Imistake not) one-third of England; I mean in the view of money only. 

To compute our want of small change by the number of souls in thekingdom, besides being perplexed, is, I think, by no means just. Theyhave been reckoned at a million and a half; whereof a million at leastare beggars in all circumstances, except that of wandering about foralms; and that circumstance may arrive soon enough, when it will be timeto add another ten thousand pounds in copper. But, without doubt, thefamilies of Ireland, who lie chiefly under the difficulties of wantingsmall change, cannot be above forty or fifty thousand, which the sum often thousand pounds, with the addition of the fairest old halfpence, would tolerably supply; for, if we give too great a loose to anyprojector to pour in upon us what he pleases, the kingdom will be, (howshall I express it under our present circumstances?) more than undone. 

And hence appears, in a very strong light, the villainy of Wood, whoproposed the coinage of one hundred and eight thousand pounds in copper, for the use of Ireland; whereby every family in the kingdom would beloaden with ten or a dozen shillings, although Wood might not transgressthe bounds of his patent, and although no counterfeits, either at homeor abroad, were added to the number; the contrary to both which wouldindubitably have arrived. So ill informed are great men on the otherside, who talk of a million with as little ceremony as we do ofhalf-a-crown!

But to return to the proposal I have made: Suppose ten gentlemen, loversof their country, should raise _200l. _ a-piece; and, from the time themoney is deposited as they shall agree, should begin to charge it withseven per cent. For their own use; that they should, as soon aspossible, provide a mint and good workmen, and buy copper sufficient forcoining two thousand pounds, subtracting a fifth part of the interest often thousand pounds for the charges of the tools, and fitting up a placefor a mint; the other four parts of the same interest to be subtractedequally out of the four remaining coinages of _2, 000l. _ each, with ajust allowance for other necessary incidents. Let the charge of coinagebe fairly reckoned, and the kingdom informed of it, as well as of theprice of copper. Let the coin be as well and deeply stamped as it ought. Let the metal be as pure as can consist to have it rightly coined, (wherein I am wholly ignorant, ) and the bulk as large as that of KingCharles II. And let this club of ten gentlemen give their joint securityto receive all the coins they issue out for seven or ten years, andreturn gold and silver without any defalcation. 

Let the same club, or company, when they have issued out the first twothousand pounds, go on the second year, if they find a demand, and thattheir scheme hath answered to their own intention, as well as to thesatisfaction of the public. And, if they find seven per cent. Notsufficient, let them subtract eight, beyond which I would not have themgo. And when they have in five years coined ten thousand pounds, letthem give public notice that they will proceed no further, but shut uptheir mint, and dismiss their workmen; unless the real, universal, unsolicited, declaration of the nobility and gentry of the kingdom shallsignify a desire that they shall go on for a certain sum farther. 

This company may enter into certain regulations among themselves; one ofwhich should be, to keep nothing concealed, and duly to give an accountto the world of their whole methods of acting. 

Give me leave to compute, wholly at random, what charge the kingdom willbe at, by the loss of intrinsic value in the coinage of _10, 000l. _ incopper, under the management of such a society of gentlemen. 

First, It is plain that instead of somewhat more than sixteen per cent. As demanded by Mr. M'Culla, this society desires but eight per cent. 

Secondly, Whereas Mr. M'Culla charges the expense of coinage at thirtyper cent. , I hope and believe this society will be able to perform it atten. 

Thirdly, Whereas it doth not appear that Mr. M'Culla can give anysecurity for the goodness of his copper, because not one in ten thousandhave the skill to distinguish, the society will be all engaged thattheirs shall be of the best standard. 

Fourthly, That whereas Mr. M'Culla's halfpence are one-fourth partlighter than that kind coined in the time of King Charles II. , thesegentlemen will oblige themselves to the public, to give their coin ofthe same weight and goodness with those halfpence, unless they shallfind they cannot afford it; and, in that case, they shall beforehandinform the public, show their reasons, and signify how large they canmake them without being losers; and so give over or pursue their scheme, as they find the opinion of the world to be. However, I do not doubt butthey can afford them as large, and of as good metal, as the best Englishhalfpence that have been coined in the three last reigns, which verymuch outweighed those of Mr. M'Culla. And this advantage will arise inproportion, by lessening the charge of coinage from thirty per cent. Toten or fifteen, or twenty at most. But I confess myself in the dark onthat article; only I think it impossible it should amount to anyproportion near thirty per cent. ; otherwise the coiners of thosecounterfeit halfpence called raps[117] would have little encouragementto follow their trade. 

But the indubitable advantages, by having the management in such asociety, would be the paying eight per cent. Instead of sixteen, thebeing sure of the goodness and just weight of the coin, and the periodto be put to any further coinage than what was absolutely necessary tosupply the wants and desires of the kingdom; and all this under thesecurity of ten gentlemen of credit and fortune, who would be ready togive the best security and satisfaction, that they had no design to turnthe scheme into a job. 

As to any mistakes I have made in computation, they are of littlemoment; and I shall not descend so low as to justify them against anycaviller. 

The strongest objection against what I offer, and which perhaps may makeit appear visionary, is the difficulty to find half a score gentlemen, who, out of a public spirit, will be at the trouble, for no more profitthan one per cent. Above the legal interest, to be overseers of a mintfor five years; and perhaps, without any justice, raise the clamour ofthe people against them. Besides, it is most certain that many a squireis as fond of a job, and as dexterous to make the best of it, as Mr. M'Culla himself, or any of his level. 

However, I do not doubt but there may be ten such persons in this town, if they had only some visible mark to know them at sight. Yet I justforesee another inconveniency; That knavish men are fitter to deal withothers of their own denomination; while those who are honest andbest-intentioned may be the instruments of as much mischief to thepublic, for want of cunning, as the greatest knaves; and more, becauseof the charitable opinion which they are apt to have of others. Therefore, how to join the prudence of the serpent with the innocency ofthe dove, in this affair, is the most difficult point. It is not so hardto find an honest man, as to make this honest man active, and vigilant, and skilful; which, I doubt, will require a spur of profit greater thanmy scheme will afford him, unless he will be contented with the honourof serving his country, and the reward of a good conscience. 

After reviewing what I had written, I see very well that I have notgiven any allowance for the first charge of preparing all thingsnecessary for coining, which, I am told, will amount to about _200l. _besides _20l. _ per annum for five years rent of a house to work in. Ican only say, that, this making in all _300l. _, it will be an additionof no more than three per cent. Out of _10, 000l. _

But the great advantages to the public, by having the coinage placed inthe hands of ten gentlemen such as I have already described, (if suchare to be found, ) are these:--

First, They propose no other gain to themselves than one per cent. Abovethe legal interest for the money they advance; which will hardly affordthem coffee when they meet at their mint-house. 

Secondly, They bind themselves to make their coins of as good copper asthe best English halfpence, and as well coined, and of equal weight; anddo likewise bind themselves to charge the public with not one farthingfor the expense of coinage, more than it shall really stand them in. 

Thirdly, They will, for a limited term of seven or ten years, as shallbe thought proper upon mature consideration, pay gold and silver, without any defalcation, for all their own coin that shall be returnedupon their hands. 

Fourthly, They will take care that the coins shall have a deepimpression, leaving a rising rim on both sides, to prevent beingdefaced in a long time; and the edges shall be milled. 

I suppose they need not be very apprehensive of counterfeits, which itwill be difficult to make so as not to be discovered; for it is plainthat those bad halfpence called raps are so easily distinguished, evenfrom the most worn genuine halfpenny, that nobody will now take them fora farthing, although under the great present want of change. 

I shall here subjoin some computations relating to Mr. M'Culla's coppernotes. They were sent to me by a person well skilled in suchcalculations; and therefore I refer them to the reader. [118]

Mr. M'Culla charges good copper at fourteenpence per pound: but I knownot whether he means avoirdupois or troy weight. 

 Avoirdupois is sixteen ounces to a pound, 6960 grains. A pound troy weight, 5760 grains. Mr. M'Culla's copper is fourteenpence per pound avoirdupois. Two of Mr. M'Culla's penny notes, one with another, weigh 524 grains. By which computation, two shillings of his notes, which he sells for one pound weight, will weigh 6288 grains. But one pound avoirdupois weighs, as above, 6960 grains. This difference makes 10 per cent. To Mr. M'Culla's profit, in point of weight. The old Patrick and David halfpenny weighs 149 grains. Mr. M'Culla's halfpenny weighs 131 grains. ------ The difference is 18

 Which is equal to 10-1/2 per cent. The English halfpenny of King Charles II. Weighs 167 grains. M'Culla's halfpenny weighs 131 grains. ------ The difference 36

 Which difference, allowed a fifth part, is 20 per cent. 

ANOTHER COMPUTATION. 

Mr. M'Culla allows his pound of copper (coinage included) to be worthtwentypence; for which he demands two shillings. 

 His coinage he computes at sixpence per pound weight; therefore, he laying out only twentypence, and gaining fourpence, he makes per cent. Profit, 20 The sixpence per pound weight, allowed for coinage, makes per cent. 30 The want of weight in his halfpenny, compared as above, is per cent. 10 By all which (viz. Coinage, profit, and want of weight) --the public loses per cent. 60

If Mr. M'Culla's coins will not pass, and he refuses to receive themback, the owner cannot sell them at above twelvepence per pound weight;whereby, with the defect of weight of 10 per cent. , he will lose 60 percent. 

The scheme of the society, raised as high as it can possibly be, will beonly thus:

 For interest of their money, per cent. 8 For coinage, instead of 10, suppose at most per cent. 20 For _l. 300_ laid out for tools, a mint, and house-rent, charge 3 per cent. Upon the coinage of _l. 10, 000_, 3 ---- Charges in all upon interest, coinage, &c. Per cent. , 31

Which, with all the advantages above-mentioned, of the goodness of themetal, the largeness of the coin, the deepness and fairness of theimpression, the assurance of the society confining itself to such a sumas they undertake, or as the kingdom shall approve; and lastly, theirpaying in gold or silver for all their coin returned upon their handswithout any defalcation, would be of mighty benefit to the kingdom; and, with a little steadiness and activity, could, I doubt not, be easilycompassed. 

I would not in this scheme recommend the method of promissory notes, after Mr. M'Culla's manner; but, as I have seen in old Irish coins, thewords CIVITAS DVBLIN, on one side, with the year of our Lordand the Irish harp on the reverse. 

A PROPOSAL

THAT

ALL THE LADIES AND WOMEN OF IRELAND

SHOULD APPEAR CONSTANTLY IN

IRISH MANUFACTURES. 

 NOTE. 

 The arguments advanced in this tract are practically repetitions of those already given in previous pieces. Swift laid much stress on the people buying and wearing goods made in Ireland, since in that way the money would remain in the country. In this little tract he winds up with a special appeal to the women of Ireland. 

 * * * * *

 The present text is based on that of the quarto edition (vol. Viii. ) of 1765, and compared with Faulkner's of 1772. 

 [T. S. ]

A PROPOSAL THAT ALL THE LADIES AND WOMEN OF IRELAND SHOULD APPEARCONSTANTLY IN IRISH MANUFACTURES. 

There was a treatise written about nine years ago, to persuade thepeople of Ireland to wear their own manufactures. [119] This treatise wasallowed to have not one syllable in it of party or disaffection; but waswholly founded upon the growing poverty of the nation, occasioned by theutter want of trade in every branch, except that ruinous importation ofall foreign extravagancies from other countries. This treatise waspresented, by the grand jury of the city and county of Dublin, as ascandalous, seditious, and factious pamphlet. I forget who was theforeman of the city grand jury; but the foreman for the county was oneDoctor Seal, register to the Archbishop of Dublin, wherein he differedmuch from the sentiments of his lord. [120] The printer[121] was triedbefore the late Mr. Whitshed, that famous Lord chief-justice; who, onthe bench, laying his hand on his heart, declared, upon his salvation, that the author was a Jacobite, and had a design to beget a quarrelbetween the two nations. [122] In the midst of this prosecution, aboutfifteen hundred weavers were forced to beg their bread, and had ageneral contribution made for their relief, which just served to makethem drunk for a week; and then they were forced to turn rogues, orstrolling beggars, or to leave the kingdom. 

The Duke of Grafton, [123] who was then Lieutenant, being perfectlyashamed of so infamous and unpopular a proceeding, obtained from Englanda _noli prosequi_ for the printer. Yet the grand jury had solemn thanksgiven them from the Secretary of State. 

I mention this passage (perhaps too much forgotten, ) to shew howdangerous it hath been for the best meaning person to write one syllablein the defence of his country, or discover the miserable condition it isin. 

And to prove this truth, I will produce one instance more; whollyomitting the famous case of the Drapier, and the proclamation againsthim, as well as the perverseness of another jury against the same Mr. Whitshed, who was violently bent to act the second part in anotherscene. [124]

About two years ago, there was a small paper printed, which was called, "A Short View of the State of Ireland, " relating the several causeswhereby any country may grow rich, and applying them to Ireland. [125]Whitshed was dead, and consequently the printer was not troubled. Mist, the famous journalist, happened to reprint this paper in London, forwhich his press-folks were prosecuted for almost a twelve-month; and, for aught I know, are not yet discharged. [126]

This is our case; insomuch, that although I am often without money in mypocket, I dare not own it in some company, for fear of being thoughtdisaffected. 

But, since I am determined to take care that the author of this papershall not be discovered (following herein the most prudent practice ofthe Drapier, ) I will venture to affirm, that the three seasons whereinour corn hath miscarried, did no more contribute to our present misery, than one spoonful of water thrown upon a rat already drowned wouldcontribute to his death; and that the present plentiful harvest, although it should be followed by a dozen ensuing, would no more restoreus, than it would the rat aforesaid to put him near the fire, whichmight indeed warm his fur coat, but never bring him back to life. 

The short of the matter is this: The distresses of the kingdom areoperating more and more every day, by very large degrees, and so havebeen doing for above a dozen years past. 

If you demand from whence these distresses have arisen, I desire to askthe following question:

If two-thirds of any kingdom's revenue be exported to another country, without one farthing of value in return; and if the said kingdom beforbidden the most profitable branches of trade wherein to employ theother third, and only allowed to traffic in importing those commoditieswhich are most ruinous to itself[127]; how shall that kingdom stand?

If this question were formed into the first proposition of anhypothetical syllogism, I defy the man born in Ireland, who is now inthe fairest way of getting a collectorship, or a cornet's post, to givea good reason for denying it. 

Let me put another case. Suppose a gentleman's estate of two hundredpounds a year should sink to one hundred, by some accident, whether byan earthquake, or inundation, it matters not: and suppose the saidgentleman utterly hopeless and unqualified ever to retrieve the loss;how is he otherwise to proceed in his future economy, than by reducingit on every article to one half less, unless he will be content to flyhis country, or rot in jail? This is a representation of Ireland'scondition; only with one fault, that it is a little too favourable. Neither am I able to propose a full remedy for this, that shall ever begranted, but only a small prolongation of life, until God shallmiraculously dispose the hearts of our neighbours, our kinsmen, ourfellow-protestants, fellow-subjects, and fellow rational creatures, topermit us to starve without running further in debt. I am informed thatour national debt (and God knows how we wretches came by thatfashionable thing a national debt) is about two hundred and fiftythousand pounds; which is at least one-third of the whole kingdom'srents, after our absentees and other foreign drains are paid, and aboutfifty thousand pounds more than all the cash. 

It seems there are several schemes for raising a fund to pay theinterest of this formidable sum (not the principal, for this is allowedimpossible). The necessity of raising such a fund, is strongly andregularly pleaded, from the late deficiencies in the duties and customs. And is it the fault of Ireland that these funds are deficient? If theydepend on trade, can it possibly be otherwise, while we have neitherliberty to trade, nor money to trade with; neither hands to work, norbusiness to employ them, if we had? Our diseases are visible enough bothin their causes and effects; and the cures are well known, butimpossible to be applied. 

If my steward comes and tells me, that my rents are sunk so low, thatthey are very little more than sufficient to pay my servants theirwages; have I any other course left than to cashier four in six of myrascally footmen, and a number of other varlets in my family, of whoseinsolence the whole neighbourhood complains? And I should think itextremely severe in any law, to force me to maintain a household offifty servants, and fix their wages, before I had offered my rent-rollupon oath to the legislators. 

To return from digressing: I am told one scheme for raising a fund topay the interest of our national debt, is, by a further duty of fortyshillings a tun upon wine. Some gentlemen would carry this matter muchfurther, by raising it to twelve pounds; which, in a manner, wouldamount to a prohibition: thus weakly arguing from the practice ofEngland. 

I have often taken notice, both in print and in discourse, that there isno topic so fallacious, either in talk or in writing, as to argue how weought to act in Ireland, from the example of England, Holland, France, or any other country, whose inhabitants are allowed the common rightsand liberties of humankind. I could undertake to name six or seven ofthe most uncontrolled maxims in government, which are utterly false inthis kingdom. 

As to the additional duty on wine, I think any person may deliver hisopinion upon it, until it shall have passed into a law; and till then, Ideclare mine to be positively against it. 

First, Because there is no nation yet known, in either hemisphere, wherethe people of all conditions are more in want of some cordial to keep uptheir spirits, than in this of ours. I am not in jest; and if the factwill not be allowed me, I shall not argue it. 

Secondly, It is too well and generally known, that this tax of fortyshillings additional on every tun of wine, (which will be double, atleast, to the home consumer) will increase equally every new session ofParliament, until, perhaps, it comes to twelve pounds. 

Thirdly, Because, as the merchants inform me, and as I have known manythe like instances in England, this additional tax will more probablylessen this branch of the revenue, than increase it. And therefore SirJohn Stanley, a commissioner of the customs in England, used to say, that the House of Commons were generally mistaken in matters of trade, by an erroneous opinion that two and two make four. Thus, if you shouldlay an additional duty of one penny a pound on raisins or sugar, therevenue, instead of rising, would certainly sink; and the consequencewould only be, to lessen the number of plum-puddings, and ruin theconfectioner. 

Fourthly, I am likewise assured by merchants, that upon this additionalforty shillings, the French will at least equally raise their dutiesupon all commodities we export thither. 

Fifthly, If an original extract of the exports and imports be true, wehave been gainers, upon the balance, by our trade with France, forseveral years past; and, although our gain amounts to no great sum, weought to be satisfied, since we are no losers, with the only consolationwe are capable of receiving. 

Lastly, The worst consequence is behind. If we raise the duty on wine toa considerable height, we lose the only hold we have of keeping among usthe few gentlemen of any tolerable estates. I am confident there ishardly a gentleman of eight hundred pounds a year and upwards, in thiskingdom, who would balance half an hour to consider whether he shouldlive here or in England, if a family could be as cheaply maintained inthe one as the other. As to eatables, they are as cheap in many finecounties of England, as in some very indifferent ones here; or, if therebe any difference, that vein of thrift and prudence in economy, whichpasses there without reproach, (and chiefly in London itself, ) wouldamply make up the difference. But the article of French wine is hardlytolerable, in any degree of plenty, to a middling fortune; and this isit, which, by growing habitual, wholly turns the scale with those fewlanded men, disengaged from employments, who content themselves to livehospitably with plenty of good wine in their own country, rather than inpenury and obscurity in another, with bad, or with none at all. 

Having, therefore, as far as in me lies, abolished this additional dutyupon wine; for I am not under the least concern about paying theinterest of the national debt, but leave it, as in loyalty bound, whollyto the wisdom of the honourable House of Commons; I come now to considerby what methods we may be able to put off and delay our utter undoing aslong as it is possible. 

I never have discoursed with any reasonable man upon this subject, whodid not allow that there was no remedy left us, but to lessen theimportation of all unnecessary commodities as much as it was possible;and likewise either to persuade our absentees to spend their money athome, which is impossible; or tax them at five shillings in the poundduring their absence, with such allowances, upon necessary occasions, asit shall be thought convenient: or, by permitting us a free trade, whichis denied to no other nation upon earth. The three last methods aretreated by Mr. Prior, in his most useful treatise, added to his list ofabsentees. [128]

It is to gratify the vanity, and pride, and luxury of the women, and ofthe young fops who admire them, that we owe this insupportablegrievance, of bringing in the instruments of our ruin. There is annuallybrought over to this kingdom near ninety thousand pounds worth of silk, whereof the greater part is manufactured. Thirty thousand pounds more isexpended in muslin, holland, cambric, and calico. What the price of laceamounts to, is not easy to be collected from the custom-house book, being a kind of goods that takes up little room, and is easily run; but, considering the prodigious price of a woman's head-dress, at ten, twelve, twenty pounds a yard, must be very great. The tea, rated atseven shillings per pound, comes to near twelve thousand pounds; but, considering it as the common luxury of every chambermaid, sempstress, and tradesman's wife, both in town and country, however they come by it, must needs cost the kingdom double that sum. Coffee is somewhere aboveseven thousand pounds. I have seen no account of the chocolate, and someother Indian or American goods. The drapery imported is aboutfour-and-twenty thousand pounds. The whole amounts (with one or twoother particulars) to one hundred and fifty thousand pounds. Thelavishing of all which money is just as prudent and necessary, as to seea man in an embroidered coat, begging out of Newgate in an old shoe. 

I allow that the thrown and raw silk is less pernicious, because we havesome share in the manufacture: but we are not now in circumstances totrifle. It costs us above forty thousand pounds a-year; and if theladies, till better times, will not be content to go in their owncountry shifts, I wish they may go in rags. 

Let them vie with each other in the fineness of their native linen:their beauty and gentleness will as well appear, as if they were coveredover with diamonds and brocade. 

I believe no man is so weak, as to hope or expect that such areformation can be brought about by a law. But a thorough hearty, unanimous vote, in both houses of Parliament, might perhaps answer aswell: every senator, noble or plebeian, giving his honour, that neitherhimself, nor any of his family, would, in their dress, or furniture oftheir houses, make use of anything except what was of the growth andmanufacture of this kingdom; and that they would use the utmost of theirpower, influence, and credit, to prevail on their tenants, dependants, and friends, to follow their example. 

A

MODEST PROPOSAL

FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE

FROM BEING A BURTHEN TO THEIR PARENTS

OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL

TO THE PUBLIC. 

 NOTE. 

 Perhaps in no literature is there to be found a piece of writing in any sense comparable to this "Modest Proposal. " Written, apparently, in a light and comic vein, it might deceive the casual reader into the belief that Swift had achieved a joke. It has the air of a smiling and indifferent _raconteur_ amusing an after-dinner table. In truth, however, this piece of writing is a terrible indictment made by an advocate speaking against the result of a tyranny of power which, through wicked stupidity or complacent indifference, had afflicted a people almost to extinction. The restraint of the writer evinced in this tract, is the more remarkable, when we remember that he was Ireland's foremost patriot, that he had been her champion for liberty and independence, and that an indignation filled him at all times, lacerating his heart, against the cruelty and oppression and wretchedness of humanity generally. Here, he sits down and writes as calmly as if composing an ordinary sermon, and proposes, in cold blood, to alleviate the poverty of the Irish people by the sale of their children as table food for the rich. He even goes into calculations as to cost of breeding, and shows how a mother might earn eight shillings a year on each child, by disposing of its carcass for ten shillings. Of the million and a half people who inhabit the country, he assumes that there are 200, 000 who beget children; of these about 30, 000 are able to provide for their offspring, but the balance of 170, 000 must inevitably become a burden. What is to become of them? Many schemes have been proposed to meet their case, but not one of them has answered. Trade and agriculture gave them no opportunity, since the trade of the country was almost at a standstill, and land was now either too dear to keep or too poor to cultivate. At the time of Swift's writing Ireland had passed through three frightful years of famine. Corn had become so dear that riots occurred at the ports where what corn remained was being exported. The land, as Swift wrote to Pope (August 11th, 1729) was in every place strewn with beggars. The poor labourer, had work been found for him, was too weak in body to undertake it. Thousands had already died of starvation and the diseases consequent on hunger. Those that managed to exist did so in filth, and dying every day, as Swift wrote on another occasion, "and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth and vermin. "

 No, there was only one way out of the difficulty, and that was to have these poor people breed children, which they could profitably dispose of for food. Let them fatten their offspring as best they could and sell them dead or alive for cooking. The irony of the proposition may sound appalling to us in this century, but Swift was not exaggerating the distress of his day. Even Primate Boulter, who was certainly the last man to overstate an Irish case, sent such reports as gave the English Government anxiety. To Swift it was no time for polite speeches and calm proposals. He had already given them in abundance. Now was the time for something merry and with laughter:

 "I may storm and rage in vain; It but stupifies your brain. But with raillery to nettle, Set your thoughts upon their mettle. "

 It was in this spirit that the "Modest Proposal" was written. Swift concludes with a final touch by telling us that he has nothing to gain personally by his suggestion, since his "youngest child is nine and his wife past child-bearing. "

 * * * * *

 The text of the present edition is that of the original issue collated with that given by Faulkner. 

 [T. S. ]

A MODEST

PROPOSAL

For preventing the

CHILDREN

OF

POOR PEOPLE

From ~being a Burthen~ to

Their Parents or Country, AND

For making them Beneficial to the

PUBLICK. 

 * * * * *

By Dr. Swift. 

 * * * * *

_Dublin_, Printed by _S. Harding_:

_London_, Reprinted; and sold by _J. Roberts_ in _Warwick-lane_, andthe Pamphlet-Shops. 

M. DCC. XXIX. 

A MODEST PROPOSAL

FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE FROM BEING A BURTHEN TO THEIRPARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC. 

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, ortravel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, andcabin-doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, _all in rags_, and importuning every passengerfor an alms. These mothers instead of being able to work for theirhonest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling, tobeg sustenance for their helpless infants, who, as they grow up, eitherturn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear Native Country tofight for the Pretender in Spain, [129] or sell themselves to theBarbadoes. 

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number ofchildren, in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of theirmothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorablestate of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and thereforewhoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making thesechildren sound useful members of the commonwealth would deserve so wellof the public, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of thenation. 

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only forthe children of professed beggars, it is of a much greater extent, andshall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are bornof parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demandour charity in the streets. 

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts, for many years, upon thisimportant subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of otherprojectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in theircomputation. It is true a child, just dropped from its dam, may besupported by her milk for a solar year with little other nourishment, atmost not above the value of two shillings, which the mother maycertainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation ofbegging, and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide forthem, in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon theirparents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest oftheir lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding andpartly to the clothing of many thousands. 

There as likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it willprevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of womenmurdering their bastard children, alas, too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expense, than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage andinhuman breast. 

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one millionand a half, [130] of these I calculate there may be about two hundredthousand couple whose wives are breeders, from which number I subtractthirty thousand couples, who are able to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many under the presentdistresses of the kingdom, but this being granted, there will remain anhundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousandfor those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident, ordisease within the year. There only remain an hundred and twentythousand children of poor parents annually born: The question thereforeis, how this number shall be reared, and provided for, which, as I havealready said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterlyimpossible by all the methods hitherto proposed, for we can neitheremploy them in handicraft, or agriculture; we neither build houses, (Imean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up alivelihood by stealing till they arrive at six years old, except wherethey are of towardly parts, although, I confess they learn the rudimentsmuch earlier, during which time, they can however be properly lookedupon only as _probationers_, as I have been informed by a principalgentleman in the County of Cavan, who protested to me, that he neverknew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part ofthe kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art. 

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl, before twelve yearsold, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this age, theywill not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown atmost on the Exchange, which cannot turn to account either to the parentsor the kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at leastfour times that value. 

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope willnot be liable to the least objection. 

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance inLondon, [131] that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old amost delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled, and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in africassee, or a ragout. 

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration, that of thehundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousandmay be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males, which is more than we allow to sheep, black-cattle, or swine, and myreason is that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, acircumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male willbe sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousandmay at a year old be offered in sale to the persons of quality, andfortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother to let themsuck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fatfor a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment forfriends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter willmake a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt willbe very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter. 

I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12pounds, and in a solar year if tolerably nursed increaseth to 28 pounds. 

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper forlandlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seemto have the best title to the children. 

Infants' flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentifulin March, and a little before and after, for we are told by a graveauthor an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about ninemonths after Lent, than at any other season; therefore reckoning a yearafter Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because thenumber of Popish infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom, andtherefore it will have one other collateral advantage by lessening thenumber of Papists among us. 

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in whichlist I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers)to be about two shillings _per annum_, rags included, and I believe nogentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a goodfat child, which, as I have said will make four dishes of excellentnutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his ownfamily to dine with him. Thus the Squire will learn to be a goodlandlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have eightshillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces anotherchild. 

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) mayflay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will makeadmirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen. 

As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, inthe most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will notbe wanting, although I rather recommend buying the children alive, anddressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs. 

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues Ihighly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on this matter, tooffer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that many gentlemen of thiskingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the wantof venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads andmaidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age, nor under twelve, so greata number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve, forwant of work and service: and these to be disposed of by their parentsif alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with duedeference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I cannotbe altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my Americanacquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their flesh wasgenerally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys, by continualexercise, and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would notanswer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think with humblesubmission, be a loss to the public, because they soon would becomebreeders themselves: And besides, it is not improbable that somescrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice, (althoughindeed very unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, Iconfess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against anyproject, however so well intended. 

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient wasput into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, [132] a native of theisland Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any youngperson happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass topersons of quality, as a prime dainty, and that, in his time, the bodyof a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poisonthe emperor, was sold to his Imperial Majesty's Prime Minister of State, and other great Mandarins of the Court, in joints from the gibbet, atfour hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same usewere made of several plump young girls in this town, who, without onesingle groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, andappear at the playhouse, and assemblies in foreign fineries, which theynever will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse. 

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vastnumber of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I havebeen desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to ease thenation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least painupon that matter, because it is very well known, that they are every daydying, and rotting, by cold, and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fastas can be reasonably expected. And as to the younger labourers they arenow in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, andconsequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree, that if atany time they are accidentally hired to common labour, they have notstrength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happilydelivered from the evils to come. 

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. Ithink the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious andmany, as well as of the highest importance. 

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen thenumber of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being the principalbreeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous enemies, and whostay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to thePretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many goodProtestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country, than stay athome, and pay tithes against their conscience, to an Episcopalcurate. [133]

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress, and help to pay theirlandlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and _moneya thing unknown_. 

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, fromtwo years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less than tenshillings a piece _per annum_, the nation's stock will be therebyincreased fifty thousand pounds _per annum_, besides the profit of a newdish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in thekingdom, who have any refinement in taste, and the money will circulateamong ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth andmanufacture. 

Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillingssterling _per annum_, by the sale of their children, will be rid of thecharge of maintaining them after the first year. 

Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, wherethe vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the bestreceipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have theirhouses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselvesupon their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful cook, who understandshow to oblige his guests will contrive to make it as expensive as theyplease. 

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wisenations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws andpenalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers towardtheir children, when they were sure of a settlement for life, to thepoor babes, provided in some sort by the public to their annual profitinstead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the marriedwomen, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market, menwould become as fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sows whenthey are ready to farrow, nor offer to beat or kick them (as it is toofrequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage. 

Many other advantages might be enumerated: For instance, the addition ofsome thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrelled beef; thepropagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making goodbacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, toofrequent at our tables, which are no way comparable in taste, ormagnificence to a well-grown, fat yearling child, which roasted wholewill make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's feast, or any otherpublic entertainment. But this, and many others I omit being studious ofbrevity. 

Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constantcustomers for infants' flesh, besides others who might have it atmerry-meetings, particularly weddings and christenings, I compute thatDublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses, and therest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper)the remaining eighty thousand. 

I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised againstthis proposal, unless it should be urged that the number of people willbe thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and wasindeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire thereader will observe, that I calculate my remedy _for this oneindividual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon earth_. Therefore let no man talk to me ofother expedients: _Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Ofusing neither clothes, nor household furniture, except what is of ourown growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials andinstruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness ofpride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a veinof parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our Country, wherein we differ even from_ LAPLANDERS, _and the inhabitantsof_ TOPINAMBOO:[134] _Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor act any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at thevery moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sellour country and consciences for nothing:[135] Of teaching landlords tohave at least one degree of mercy toward their tenants. Lastly ofputting a spirit of honesty, industry and skill into our shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, themeasure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make onefair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited toit_. [136]

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the likeexpedients, till he hath at least some glimpse of hope, that there willever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them in practice. 

But as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offeringvain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing ofsuccess, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which as it is whollynew, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and littletrouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in_disobliging_ ENGLAND. For this kind of commodity will notbear exportation, [137] the flesh being of too tender a consistence, toadmit a long continuance in salt, _although perhaps I could name acountry, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it_. 

After all I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to rejectany offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy and effectual. But before something of that kind shall beadvanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desirethe author, or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food andraiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure, throughoutthis kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, wouldleave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling adding those, who arebeggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourerswith their wives and children, who are beggars in effect. I desire thosepoliticians, who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold toattempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of thesemortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happinessto have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, andthereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they havesince gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility ofpaying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, withneither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of theweather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like, orgreater miseries upon their breed for ever. 

I profess in the sincerity of my heart that I have not the leastpersonal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, havingno other motive than the _public good of my country, by advancing ourtrade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving somepleasure to the rich_. I have no children, by which I can propose to geta single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife pastchild-bearing. 

ANSWER TO THE CRAFTSMAN. 

 NOTE. 

 This "Answer" forms an excellent continuation of the "Modest Proposal. " It is in an entirely different vein, but is, in its own way, an admirable example of Swift's strength in handling a public question. The English government had been offering every facility to French officers for recruiting their army from Ireland. The "Craftsman" made some strong remarks on this, and Primate Boulter, in his letter to the Duke of Newcastle, under date October 14th, 1730, told his Grace, "that after consulting with the Lords Justices on the subject he found that they apprehend there will be greater difficulties in this affair than at first offered. " He enters into the difficulties to be overcome in order to act in consonance with the wishes of his Majesty, and promises that "effectual care shall be taken that none of the officers who are come hither, suffer on this account" (Letter, pp. 26-27, vol. Ii. , Dublin, edit. 1770). Swift uses the matter for his own purposes and ironically welcomes this chance for the depopulation of Ireland. "When our island is a desert, we will send all our raw material to England, and receive from her all our manufactured articles. A leather coinage will be all we want, separated, as we shall then be, from all human kind. We shall have lost all; but we may be left in peace, and we shall have no more to tempt the plunderer. " Scott styles this "Answer" a masterpiece. 

 * * * * *

 The text of this edition is based on that given by Faulkner in the ninth volume of his edition of Swift issued in 1772. 

 [T. S. ]

ANSWER TO THE CRAFTSMAN. [138]

 SIR, I detest reading your papers, because I am not of your principles, andbecause I cannot endure to be convinced. Yet I was prevailed on toperuse your Craftsman of December the 12th, wherein I discover you to beas great an enemy of this country, as you are of your own. You arepleased to reflect on a project I proposed, of making the children ofIrish parents to be useful to the public instead of beingburdensome;[139] and you venture to assert, that your own scheme is morecharitable, of not permitting our Popish natives to be listed in theservice of any foreign prince. 

Perhaps, sir, you may not have heard of any kingdom so unhappy as this, both in their imports and exports. We import a sort of goods, of nointrinsic value, which costeth us above forty thousand pounds a year todress, and scour, and polish them, which altogether do not yield onepenny advantage;[140] and we annually export above seven hundredthousand pounds a year in another kind of goods, for which we receivenot one single farthing in return; even the money paid for the letterssent in transacting this commerce being all returned to England. Butnow, when there is a most lucky opportunity offered to begin a trade, whereby this nation will save many thousand pounds a year, and Englandbe a prodigious gainer, you are pleased, without a call, officiously andmaliciously to interpose with very frivolous arguments. 

It is well known, that about sixty years ago the exportation of livecattle from hence to England was a great benefit to both kingdoms, untilthat branch of traffic was stopped by an act of Parliament on your side, whereof you have had sufficient reason to repent. [141] Upon whichaccount, when another act passed your Parliament, forbidding theexportation of live men to any foreign country, you were so wise to putin a clause, allowing it to be done by his Majesty's permission, underhis sign manual, [142] for which, among other great benefits granted toIreland, we are infinitely obliged to the British legislature. Yet thisvery grace and favour you, Mr. D'Anvers, whom we never disobliged, areendeavouring to prevent; which, I will take upon me to say, is amanifest mark of your disaffection to his Majesty, a want of duty to theministry, and a wicked design of oppressing this kingdom, and atraitorous attempt to lessen the trade and manufacture of England. 

Our truest and best ally, the Most Christian King, [143] hath obtainedhis Majesty's licence, pursuant to law, to export from hence somethousand bodies of healthy, young, living men, to supply his Irishregiments. The King of Spain, as you assert yourself, hath desired thesame civility, and seemeth to have at least as good a claim. Supposingthen that these two potentates will only desire leave to carry off sixthousand men between them to France and Spain; then, by computing themaintenance of a tall, hungry Irishman, in food and clothes, to be onlyat five pounds a head, here will be thirty thousand pounds per annumsaved clear to the nation; for they can find no other employment athome, beside begging, robbing, or stealing. But, if thirty, forty, orfifty thousand (which we could gladly spare) were sent on the sameerrand, what an immense benefit must it be to us! And if the twoprinces, in whose service they were, should happen to be at war witheach other, how soon would those recruits be destroyed! Then what anumber of friends would the Pretender lose, and what a number of Popishenemies all true Protestants get rid of! Add to this, that then, by sucha practice, the lands of Ireland, that want hands for tillage, must beemployed in grazing, which would sink the price of wool, raw hides, butter, and tallow, so that the English might have them at their ownrates, and in return send us wheat to make our bread, barley to brew ourdrink, and oats for our houses, without any labour of our own. 

Upon this occasion, I desire humbly to offer a scheme, which, in myopinion, would best answer the true interests of both kingdoms: Foralthough I bear a most tender filial affection to England, my dearnative country, yet I cannot deny but this noble island hath a greatshare in my love and esteem; nor can I express how much I desire to seeit flourish in trade and opulence, even beyond its present happycondition. 

The profitable land of this kingdom is, I think, usually computed atseventeen millions of acres, all which I propose to be wholly turned tograzing. Now, it is found by experience, that one grazier and his familycan manage two thousand acres. Thus sixteen millions eight hundredthousand acres may be managed by eight thousand four hundred families;and the fraction of two hundred thousand acres will be more thansufficient for cabins, out-houses, and potatoe-gardens; because it is tobe understood that corn of all sorts must be sent to us from England. 

These eight thousand four hundred families may be divided among the fourprovinces, according to the number of houses in each province; andmaking the equal allowance of eight to a family, the number ofinhabitants will amount to sixty-seven thousand two hundred souls. Tothese we are to add a standing army of twenty thousand English; which, together with their trulls, their bastards, and their horse-boys, will, by a gross computation, very near double the count, and be verysufficient for the defence and grazing of the kingdom, as well as toenrich our neighbours, expel popery, and keep out the Pretender. And, lest the army should be at a loss for business, I think it would be veryprudent to employ them in collecting the public taxes for payingthemselves and the civil list. 

I advise, that all the owners of these lands should live constantly inEngland, in order to learn politeness, and qualify themselves foremployments; but, for fear of increasing the natives in this island, that an annual draught, according to the number born every year, beexported to whatever prince will bear the carriage, or transplanted tothe English dominions on the American continent, as a screen between hisMajesty's English subjects and the savage Indians. 

I advise likewise, that no commodity whatsoever, of this nation'sgrowth, should be sent to any other country except England, under thepenalty of high treason; and that all the said commodities shall be sentin their natural state; the hides raw, the wool uncombed, the flax inthe stub; excepting only fish, butter, tallow, and whatever else will bespoiled in the carriage. On the contrary, that no goods whatsoever shallbe exported hither, except from England, under the same penalty: thatEngland should be forced, at their own rates, to send us over clothesready made, as well as shirts and smocks to the soldiers and theirtrulls; all iron, wooden, and earthen ware, and whatever furniture maybe necessary for the cabins of graziers; with a sufficient quantity ofgin, and other spirits, for those who, can afford to be drunk onholidays. 

As to the civil and ecclesiastical administration, which I have not yetfully considered, I can say little; only, with regard to the latter, itis plain, that the article of paying tithe for supporting speculativeopinions in religion, which is so insupportable a burden to all trueProtestants, and to most churchmen, will be very much lessened by thisexpedient; because dry cattle pay nothing to the spiritual hireling, any more than imported corn; so that the industrious shepherd andcowherd may sit every man under his own blackberry-bush, and on his ownpotato-bed, whereby this happy island will become a new Arcadia. 

I do likewise propose, that no money shall be used in Ireland exceptwhat is made of leather, which likewise shall be coined in England, andimported; and that the taxes shall be levied out of the commodities weexport to England, and there turned into money for his Majesty's use;and the rents to landlords discharged in the same manner. This will beno manner of grievance, for we already see it very practicable to livewithout money, and shall be more convinced of it every day. But whetherpaper shall still continue to supply that defect, or whether we shallhang up all those who profess the trade of bankers, (which latter I amrather inclined to, ) must be left to the consideration of wiserpoliticians. 

That which maketh me more zealously bent upon this scheme, is my desireof living in amity with our neighbouring brethren; for we have alreadytried all other means without effect, to that blessed end: and, by thecourse of measures taken for some years past, it should seem that we areall agreed in the point. 

This expedient will be of great advantage to both kingdoms, upon severalaccounts: for, as to England, they have a just claim to the balance oftrade on their side with the whole world: and therefore our ancestorsand we, who conquered this kingdom for them, ought, in duty andgratitude, to let them have the whole benefit of that conquest tothemselves; especially when the conquest was amicably made withoutbloodshed, by a stipulation between the Irish princes and Henry II. ; bywhich they paid him, indeed, not equal homage with what the electors ofGermany do to the emperor, but very near the same that he did to theKing of France for his French dominions. 

In consequence of this claim from England, that kingdom may veryreasonably demand the benefit of all our commodities in their naturalgrowth, to be manufactured by their people, and a sufficient quantity ofthem for our use to be returned hither fully manufactured. 

This, on the other side, will be of great benefit to our inhabitantsthe graziers; when time and labour will be too much taken up in manuringtheir ground, feeding their cattle, shearing their sheep, and sendingover their oxen fit for slaughter; to which employments they are turnedby nature, as descended from the Scythians, whose diet they are still sofond of. So Virgil describeth it:--

 Et lac concretum cum sanguine bibit equino;

Which, in English, is bonnyclabber[144] mingled with the blood ofhorses, as they formerly did, until about the beginning of the lastcentury luxury, under the form of politeness, began to creep in, theychanged the blood of horses for that of their black cattle, and, byconsequence, became less warlike than their ancestors. 

Although I proposed that the army should be collectors of the publicrevenues, yet I did not thereby intend that those taxes should be paidin gold or silver; but in kind, as all other rent: For, the custom oftenants making their payments in money, is a new thing in the world, little known in former ages, nor generally practised in any nation atpresent, except this island and the southern parts of Britain. But, tomy great satisfaction, I foresee better times; the ancient mannerbeginneth to be now practised in many parts of Connaught, as well as inthe county of Cork; where the squires turn tenants to themselves, divideso many cattle to their slaves, who are to provide such a quantity ofbutter, hides, or tallow, still keeping up their number of cattle; andcarry the goods to Cork, or other port towns, and then sell them to themerchants. By which invention there is no such thing as a ruined farmerto be seen; but the people live with comfort on potatoes andbonnyclabber, neither of which are vendible commodities abroad. 

A

VINDICATION

OF

HIS EXCELLENCY JOHN, LORD CARTERET. 

 NOTE. 

 JOHN CARTERET, EARL GRANVILLE, succeeded to the Carteret barony at the early age of five years. He was the son of George, the first Baron Carteret, and was born in 1690. He was educated at Westminster School and Christ Church, Oxford, from which latter place, as Swift puts it, "he carried away more Greek, Latin, and philosophy than properly became a person of his rank. " In the House of Lords Carteret was known as a strong adherent of the Protestant succession, and joined the Sunderland party on the split of the Whigs in 1717. As ambassador extraordinary to the Court of Sweden he was eminently successful, being the instrument by which, in 1720, peace was established between Sweden, Prussia, and Hanover. Later, he served in a similar capacity with Earl Stanhope and Sir Robert Sutton at the Congress of Cambray. 

 In 1721 he was appointed Secretary of State of the southern province, but although a member of the Walpole administration, he intrigued with the King against Walpole, and attempted to form a party in opposition to that minister. He ingratiated himself in the King's favour by means of his knowledge of the German language (for George knew no English), and obtained the support of Carleton, Roxburghe, Cadogan, and the Countess of Darlington. Walpole, however, was too strong for him. He managed to get Carteret to Ireland as Lord Lieutenant, and the Duke of Newcastle took up the office held by him in England. The condition of Ireland at this time was such as to cause grave anxiety to the English government. Carteret was sent ostensibly to a post of great importance, though, in reality, to be out of Walpole's way. For an account of Carteret's government during the agitation against Wood's halfpence, the reader is referred to the sixth volume of the present edition. 

 During the King's absence from England in 1723, Carteret had been one of the lords justices of the country, and in 1725, when George was again away, he was again appointed to this office. George, however, died on his way to Hanover; but, on the accession of George II. , Carteret continued to hold high office. He was re-appointed to the Irish Lord Lieutenancy in 1727, and it was during this second term that he was criticised for the conduct Swift vindicates in the following tract. 

 The Dean had a great admiration both for the scholarship and temper of Carteret. The admiration was mutual, for Carteret often consulted with Swift on important matters, and, though he dared not appoint the Drapier to any position of importance, he took occasion to assist the Drapier's friends. At the time of the proclamation against the Drapier's fourth letter, the Dean, writes Scott, "visited the Castle, and having waited for some time without seeing the Lord Lieutenant, wrote upon one of the windows of the chamber of audience these lines:

 'My very good lord, 'tis a very hard task, For a man to wait here, who has nothing to ask. '

 Under which Carteret wrote the following happy reply:

 'My very good Dean, there are few who come here, But have something to ask, or something to fear. '"

 To Carteret's politic government of Ireland was mainly due the peaceful condition which prevailed amidst all the agitation roused by bad management and wretchedness. In a letter to Swift, written many years later (March, 1737), Carteret writes: "The people ask me how I governed Ireland, I say that I pleased Dr. Swift. " And Swift confessed (in a letter to Gay, November 19th, 1730) that Carteret "had a genteeler manner of binding the chains of the kingdom than most of his predecessors. " It was to Carteret that Swift made his well-known remark, on an occasion of a visit, "What, in God's name, do you do here? Get back to your own country, and send us our boobies again. "

 Swift was well aware that Carteret had not the power to make the changes in Ireland necessary for its well-being. Such changes could come only from the government in England, and as this was implacable, Carteret was but an instrument in its hands. Swift was therefore compelled to rest content with obtaining what favours he could for those friends of his who he knew deserved advancement, and he allowed no occasion to slip by without soliciting in their behalf. 

 Richard Tighe (who had managed to injure Sheridan in his chaplaincy), with a number of the more violent members of the Whigs in Ireland, took up Carteret's conduct, attempted, by means of their interpretation of the Lord Lieutenant's promotions, to injure him with the government, and accused him of advancing individuals who were enemies of the government. Swift took up the charge in his usual ironical manner, and wrote the Vindication which follows. 

 Carteret, it may be added here, was dismissed from his office in 1730, and joined Pulteney in a bitter struggle against Walpole, which culminated in his famous resolution, presented to the House of Lords, desiring that the King should remove Walpole from his presence and counsels for ever. Carteret failed, but Walpole was compelled to resign in 1742. The rest of Carteret's career bears no relation to Irish affairs. 

 * * * * *

 The present text is founded on that of the original London edition printed in 1730, collated with the Dublin edition of the same date. They differ in many minor details from that given by Scott in 1824. 

 [T. S. ]

A

VINDICATION

OF HIS

EXCELLENCY

THE

Lord _C----T_, FROM THE

CHARGE

Of favouring none but

TORIES, HIGH-CHURCHMEN and

JACOBITES. 

 * * * * *

By the Reverend Dr, _S----T_. 

 * * * * *

LONDON:

Printed for T. WARNER at the _Black-Boy_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_. MDCCXXX. 

(Price _6d. _)

A VINDICATION OF HIS EXCELLENCY JOHN, LORD CARTERET. 

In order to treat this important subject with the greatest fairness andimpartiality, perhaps it may be convenient to give some account of hisExcellency in whose life and character there are certain particulars, which might give a very just suspicion of some truth in the accusationhe lies under. 

He is descended from two noble, ancient, and most loyal families, theCarterets and the Granvilles. Too much distinguish'd, I confess, forwhat they acted, and what they suffer'd in defending the formerConstitution in Church and State, under King Charles the Martyr; I meanthat very Prince, on account of whose martyrdom "a Form of Prayer, withFasting, " was enjoined, by Act of Parliament, "to be used on the 30thday of January every year, to implore the mercies of God, that the guiltof that sacred and innocent blood, might not be visited on us or ourposterity, " as we may read at large in our Common Prayer Books. Whichday hath been solemnly kept, even within the memory of many men nowalive. 

His Excellency, the present Lord, was educated in the University ofOxford, [145] from whence, with a singularity scarce to be justified, hecarried away more Greek, Latin, and philosophy, than properly became aperson of his rank, indeed much more of each than most of those who areforced to live by their learning, will be at the unnecessary pains toload their heads with. 

This was the rock he split on, upon his first appearance in the world, and just got clear of his guardians. For, as soon as he came to town, some bishops, and clergymen, and other persons most eminent for learningand parts, got him among them, from whom though he were fortunatelydragged by a lady and the Court, yet he could never wipe off the stain, nor wash out the tincture of his University acquirements anddispositions. 

To this another misfortune was added; that it pleased God to endow himwith great natural talents, memory, judgment, comprehension, eloquence, and wit. And, to finish the work, all these were fortified even in hisyouth, with the advantages received by such employments as are bestfitted both to exercise and polish the gifts of nature and education;having been Ambassador in several Courts when his age would hardly allowhim to take a degree, and made principal Secretary of State, at a periodwhen, according to custom, he ought to have been busied in losing hismoney at a chocolate-house, or in other amusements equally laudable andepidemic among persons of honour. 

I cannot omit another weak side in his Excellency, for it is known, andcan be proved upon him, that Greek and Latin books might be found everyday in his dressing-room, if it were carefully searched; and there isreason to suspect, that some of the said books have been privatelyconveyed to him by Tory hands. I am likewise assured, that he hath beentaken in the very fact of reading the said books, even in the midst of asession, to the great neglect of public affairs. [146]

I own there may be some grounds for this charge, because I have it fromgood hands, that when his Excellency is at dinner with one or twoscholars at his elbows, he grows a most unsupportable, andunintelligible companion to all the fine gentlemen round the table. 

I cannot deny that his Excellency lies under another great disadvantage. For, with all the accomplishments above-mentioned, adding that of a mostcomely and graceful person, and during the prime of youth, spirits, andvigor, he hath in a most unexemplary manner led a regular domestic life, discovers a great esteem, and friendship, and love for his lady, as wellas a true affection for his children; and when he is disposed to admitan entertaining evening companion, he doth not always enough reflectwhether the person may possibly in former days have lain under theimputation of a Tory; nor at such times do the natural or affected fearsof Popery and the Pretender make any part of the conversation; Ipresume, because neither Homer, Plato, Aristotle, nor Cicero have madeany mention of them. 

These I freely acknowledge to be his Excellency's failings: Yet I thinkit is agreed by philosophers and divines, that some allowance ought tobe given to human infirmity, and the prejudices of a wrong education. 

I am well aware how much my sentiments differ from the orthodox opinionof one or two principal patriots, (at the head of whom I name withhonour Pistorides. [147]) For these have decided the matter directlyagainst me, by declaring that no person who was ever known to lie underthe suspicion of one single Tory principle, or who had been once seen ata great man's levee in the worst of times, [148] should be allowed tocome within the verge of the Castle; much less to bow in theantechamber, appear at the assemblies, or dance at a birth-night. However, I dare assert, that this maxim hath been often controlled, andthat on the contrary a considerable number of early penitents have beenreceived into grace, who are now an ornament, happiness, and support tothe nation. 

Neither do I find any murmuring on some other points of greaterimportance, where this favourite maxim is not so strictly observed. 

To instance only in one. I have not heard that any care hath hithertobeen taken to discover whether Madam Violante[149] be a Whig or Tory inher principles, or even that she hath ever been offered the oaths to theGovernment; on the contrary I am told that she openly professes herselfto be a high-flyer, and it is not improbable, by her outlandish name shemay also be a Papist in her heart; yet we see this illustrious anddangerous female openly caressed by principal persons of both parties, who contribute to support her in a splendid manner, without the leastapprehensions from a grand jury, or even from Squire Hartley Hutchesonhimself, that zealous prosecutor of hawkers and libels. [150] And asHobbes wisely observes, so much money being equivalent to so much power, it may deserve considering with what safety such an instrument of powerought to be trusted in the hands of an alien, who hath not given anylegal security for her good affection to the government. 

I confess, there is one evil which I could wish our friends would thinkproper to redress. There are many Whigs in this Kingdom of theold-fashioned stamp, of whom we might make very good use; They bear thesame loyalty with us, to the Hanoverian family, in the person of KingGeorge II. ; the same abhorrence of the Pretender, with the consequent ofPopery and slavery; and the same indulgence to tender consciences; buthaving nothing to ask for themselves, and consequently the more leisureto think for the public, they are often apt to entertain fears, andmelancholy prospects concerning the state of their country, the decay oftrade, the want of money, the miserable condition of the people, withother topics of like nature, all which do equally concern both Whig andTory, who if they have anything to lose must be equally sufferers. Perhaps one or two of these melancholy gentlemen will sometimes ventureto publish their thoughts in print: Now I can by no means approve ourusual custom of cursing and railing at this species of thinkers underthe names of Tories, Jacobites, Papists, libellers, rebels, and thelike. 

This was the utter ruin of that poor, angry, bustling, well-meaningmortal Pistorides, who lies equally under the contempt of both parties, with no other difference than a mixture of pity on one side, and ofaversion on the other. 

How hath he been pelted, pestered, and pounded by one single wag, whopromiseth never to forsake him living or dead![151]

I was much pleased with the humour of a surgeon in this town, who havingin his own apprehension, received some great injustice from the Earl ofGalway, [152] and despairing of revenge, as well as relief, declared toall his friends that he had set apart a hundred guineas to purchase theEarl's carcase from the sexton, whenever it should die; to make askeleton of the bones, stuff the hide, and shew them for threepence; andthus get vengeance for the injuries he had suffered by the owner. 

Of the like spirit too often is that implacable race of wits, againstwhom there is no defence but innocence, and philosophy: Neither ofwhich is likely to be at hand; and therefore the wounded have nowhere tofly for a cure, but to downright stupidity, a crazed head, or aprofligate contempt of guilt and shame. 

I am therefore sorry for that other miserable creature Traulus, [153] whoalthough of somewhat a different species, yet seems very far to outdoeven the genius of Pistorides, in that miscarrying talent of railingwithout consistency or discretion, against the most innocent persons, according to the present situation of his gall and spleen. I do notblame an _honest_ gentleman for the bitterest invectives against one towhom he professeth the greatest friendship; provided he acts in thedark, so as not to be discovered. But in the midst of caresses, visits, and invitations, to run into the streets, or to as public a place, andwithout the least pretended excitement, sputter out the basest andfalsest accusations; then to wipe his mouth, come up smiling to hisfriend, shake him by the hand, and tell him in a whisper, it was "allfor his service;" this proceeding, I am bold to think a great failure inprudence; and I am afraid lest such a practitioner, with a body so open, so foul, and so full of sores, may fall under the resentment of anincensed political surgeon, who is not in much renown for his mercy upongreat provocation: who without waiting for his death, will flay, anddissect him alive, and to the view of mankind lay open all thedisordered cells of his brain, the venom of his tongue, the corruptionof his heart, and spots and flatuses of his spleen--And all this forthreepence. [154]

In such a case what a scene would be laid open! and to drop my metaphorwhat a character of our mistaking friend might an angry enemy draw andexpose! particularizing that unnatural conjunction of vices and follies, so inconsistent with each other in the same breast: Furious and fawning, scurrilous and flattering, cowardly and provoking, insolent and abject;most profligately false, with the strongest professions of sincerity, positive and variable, tyrannical and slavish. 

I apprehend that if all this should be set out to the world by an angryWhig of the old stamp, the unavoidable consequence must be a confinementof our friend for some months more to his garret, and thereby deprivingthe public for so long a time, and in so important a juncture, of hisuseful talents in their service, while he is fed like a wild beastthrough a hole; but I hope with a special regard to the quantity andquality of his nourishment. 

In vain would his excusers endeavour to palliate his enormities, byimputing them to madness:[155] Because, it is well known, that madnessonly operates by inflaming and enlarging the good or evil dispositionsof the mind: For the curators of Bedlam assure us, that some lunaticsare persons of honour, truth, benevolence, and many other virtues, whichappear in their highest ravings, although after a wild incoherentmanner; while others on the contrary, discover in every word and actionthe utmost baseness and depravity of human minds; which infallibly theypossessed in the same degree, although perhaps under a betterregulation, before their entrance into that academy. 

But it may be objected, that there is an argument of much force toexcuse the overflowings of that zeal, which our friend shews or meansfor our cause. And it must be confessed, that the easy and smoothfluency of his elocution bestowed on him by nature, and cultivated bycontinual practice, added to the comeliness of his person, the harmonyof his voice, the gracefulness of his manner, and the decency of hisdress, are temptations too strong for such a genius to resist upon anypublic occasion of making them appear with universal applause: And ifgood men are sometimes accused of loving their jest better than theirfriend, surely to gain the reputation of the first orator in thekingdom, no man of spirit would scruple to lose all the friends he hadin the world. 

It is usual for masters to make their boys declaim on both sides of anargument; and as some kinds of assemblies are called the schools ofpolitics, I confess nothing can better improve political school-boys, than the art of making plausible or implausible harangues, against thevery opinion for which they resolve to determine. 

So Cardinal Perron after having spoke for an hour to the admiration ofall his hearers, to prove the existence of God; told some of hisintimates that he could have spoken another hour, and much better, toprove the contrary. 

I have placed this reasoning in the strongest light, that I think itwill bear; and have nothing to answer, but that allowing it as muchweight as the reader shall please, it hath constantly met with illsuccess in the mouth of our friend, whether for want of good luck, orgood management I suspend my judgment. 

To return from this long digression. If persons in high stations havebeen allowed to choose mistresses, without regard even to difference inreligion, yet never incurred the least reflection on their loyalty ortheir Protestantism; shall the chief governor of a great kingdom becensured for choosing a companion, who may formerly have been suspectedfor differing from the orthodox in some speculative opinions of personsand things, which cannot affect the fundamental principles of a soundWhig?

But let me suppose a very possible case. Here is a person sent to governIreland, whose unfortunate weak side it happens to be, for severalreasons above-mentioned, that he hath encouraged the attendance of one ortwo gentlemen distinguished for their taste, their wit, and theirlearning; who have taken the oaths to his Majesty, and pray heartily forhim: Yet because they may perhaps be stigmatized as _quondam_ Tories byPistorides and his gang; his Excellency must be forced to banish themunder the pain and peril of displeasing the zealots of his own party;and thereby be put into a worse condition than every common good-fellow;who may be a sincere Protestant, and a loyal subject, and yet ratherchoose to drink fine ale at the Pope's head, than muddy at the King's. 

Let me then return to my supposition. It is certain, the high-flownloyalists in the present sense of the word, have their thoughts, andstudies, and tongues so entirely diverted by political schemes, thatthe zeal of their principles hath eaten up their understandings; neitherhave they time from their employments, their hopes, and their hourlylabours for acquiring new additions of merit, to amuse themselves withphilological converse, or speculations which are utterly ruinous to allschemes of rising in the world: What must then a great man do whose illstars have fatally perverted him to a love, and taste, and possession ofliterature, politeness, and good sense? Our thorough-sped republic ofWhigs, which contains the bulk of all hopers, pretenders, expecters andprofessors, are, beyond all doubt, most highly useful to princes, togovernors, to great ministers, and to their country, but at the sametime, and by necessary consequence, the most disagreeable companions toall who have that unfortunate turn of mind peculiar to his Excellency, and perhaps to five or six more in a nation. 

I do not deny it possible, that an original or proselyte favourer of thetimes, might have been born to those useless talents which in formerages qualified a man to be a poet, or a philosopher. All I contend foris, that where the true genius of party once enters, it sweeps the houseclean, and leaves room for many other spirits to take joint possession, till the last state of that man is exceedingly better than the first. 

I allow it a great error in his Excellency that he adheres soobstinately to his old unfashionable academic education: Yet so perverseis human nature, that the usual remedies for this evil in others, haveproduced a contrary effect in him; to a degree, that I am crediblyinformed, he will, as I have already hinted, in the middle of a sessionquote passages out of Plato, and Pindar at his own table to somebook-learned companion, without blushing, even when persons of greatstations are by. 

I will venture one step further; which is, freely to confess, that thismistaken method of educating youth in the knowledge of ancient learningand language, is too apt to spoil their politics and principles; becausethe doctrine and examples of the books they read, teach them lessonsdirectly contrary in every point to the present practice of the world:And accordingly, Hobbes most judiciously observes, that the writings ofthe Greeks and Romans made young men imbibe opinions against absolutepower in a prince, or even in a first minister, and to embrace notionsof liberty and property. 

It hath been therefore a great felicity to these kingdoms, that theheirs to titles and large estates, have a weakness in their eyes, atenderness in their constitutions, are not able to bear the pain andindignity of whipping; and as the mother rightly expresses it, couldnever take to their book; yet are well enough qualified to sign areceipt for half a year's rent, to put their names (_rightly spelt_) toa warrant, and to read pamphlets against religion and high-flying;whereby they fill their niches, and carry themselves through the worldwith that dignity which best becomes a senator, and a squire. [156]

I could heartily wish his Excellency would be more condescending to thegenius of the kingdom he governs, to the condition of the times, and tothe nature of the station he fills. Yet if it be true, what I have readin old English story-books, that one Agesilaus (no matter to the bulk ofmy readers, whether I spell the names right or wrong) was caught by theparson of the parish, riding on a hobby-horse with his children; thatSocrates a heathen philosopher, was found dancing by himself atfourscore; that a king called Cĉsar Augustus (or some such name) used toplay with boys; whereof some might possibly be sons of Tories; and, thattwo great men called Scipio and Lĉlius, (I forget their Christian names, and whether they were poets or generals, ) often played at duck and drakewith smooth stones on a river. Now I say, if these facts be true (andthe book where I found them is in print) I cannot imagine why our mostzealous patriots may not a little indulge his Excellency, in aninfirmity which is not morally evil, provided he gives no public scandal(which is by all means to be avoided) I say, why he may not be indulgedtwice a week to converse with one or two particular persons, and let himand them con over their old exploded readings together, after morningsspent in hearing and prescribing ways and means from and to his mostobedient politicians, for the welfare of the kingdom; although the saidparticular person or persons may not have made so public a declarationof their political faith in all its parts, as the business of the nationrequires. Still submitting my opinion to that happy majority, which I amconfident is always in the right; by whom the liberty of the subjecthath been so frequently, so strenuously, and so successfully asserted;who by their wise counsels have made commerce to flourish, money toabound, inhabitants to increase, the value of lands and rents to rise;and the whole island put on a new face of plenty and prosperity. 

But in order to clear his Excellency, more fully from this accusation ofshewing his favours to high-flyers, Tories, and Jacobites; it will benecessary to come to particulars. 

The first person of a Tory denomination to whom his Excellency gave anymarks of his favour, was Doctor Thomas Sheridan. [157] It is to beobserved, that this happened so early in his Excellency's government, asit may be justly supposed he had not been informed of that gentleman'scharacter upon so dangerous an article. The Doctor being well known anddistinguished, for his skill and success in the education of youth, beyond most of his profession for many years past, was recommended tohis Excellency on the score of his learning, and particularly for hisknowledge in the Greek tongue, whereof it seems his Excellency is agreat admirer, although for what reasons I could never imagine. Howeverit is agreed on all hands, that his lordship was too easily prevailed onby the Doctor's request, or indeed rather from the bias of his ownnature, to hear a tragedy acted in that unknown language by the Doctor'slads, [158] which was written by some heathen author, but whether itcontained any Tory or High-Church principles, must be left to theconsciences of the boys, the Doctor, and his Excellency: The onlywitnesses in this case, whose testimonies can be depended upon. 

It seems, his Excellency (a thing never to be sufficiently wondered at)was so pleased with his entertainment, that some time after he gave theDoctor a church living to the value of almost one hundred pounds a year, and made him one of his chaplains, from an antiquated notion, that goodschoolmasters ought to be encouraged in every nation, professingcivility and religion. Yet his Excellency did not venture to make thisbold step without strong recommendations from persons of undoubtedprinciples, fitted to the times; who thought themselves bound injustice, honour, and gratitude, to do the Doctor a good office in returnfor the care he had taken of their children, or those of theirfriends. [159] Yet the catastrophe was terrible: For, the Doctor in theheight of his felicity and gratitude, going down to take possession ofhis parish, and furnished with a few led-sermons, whereof as it is to besupposed the number was very small, having never served a cure in theChurch; he stopped at Cork to attend on his bishop; and going to churchon the Sunday following, was according to the usual civility of countryclergymen, invited by the minister of the parish to supply the pulpit. It happened to be the first of August[160]; and the first of Augusthappened that year to light upon a Sunday: And it happened that theDoctor's text was in these words; "Sufficient unto the day is the evilthereof;" and lastly it happened, that some one person of thecongregation, whose loyalty made him watchful upon every appearance ofdanger to his Majesty's person and Government, when service was over, gave the alarm. Notice was immediately sent up to town, and by the zealof one man[161] of no large dimensions of body or mind, such a clamourwas raised, that we in Dublin could apprehend no less than an invasionby the Pretender, who must be landed in the South. The result was, thatthe Doctor must be struck out of the chaplains' list, and appear no moreat the Castle; yet, whether he were then, or be at this day, a Whig or aTory, I think is a secret; only it is manifest, that he is a zealousHanoverian, at least in poetry, [162] and a great adorer of the presentRoyal Family through all its branches. His friends likewise assert, thathe had preached this same sermon often, under the same text; that nothaving observed the words till he was in the pulpit, and had opened hisnotes; as he is a person a little abstracted, he wanted presence of mindto change them: And that in the whole sermon there was not a syllablerelating to Government or party, or to the subject of the day. 

In this incident there seems to have been an union of events, that willprobably never happen again to the end of the world, or at least likethe grand conjunction in the heavens, which I think they say can arrivebut once in twenty thousand years. 

The second gentleman (if I am right in my chronology) who under thesuspicion of a Tory, received some favour from his Excellency, is Mr. James Stopford[163]; very strongly recommended by the most eminent Whigin England, on the account of his learning, and virtue, and otheraccomplishments. He had passed the greatest part of his youth in closestudy, or in travelling; and was neither not at home, or not at leisureto trouble his thoughts about party; which I allow to be a greatomission; though I cannot honestly place him in the list of Tories, andtherefore think his Excellency may be fairly acquitted for making himVicar of Finglass, worth about one hundred and fifty pounds a year. 

The third is Doctor Patrick Delany. [164] This divine lies under somedisadvantage; having in his youth received many civilities from acertain person then in a very high station here, [165] for which reason Idoubt the Doctor never drank his confusion since: And what makes thematter desperate, it is now too late; unless our inquisitors will becontent with drinking confusion to his memory. The aforesaid eminentperson who was a judge of all merit but party, distinguished the Doctoramong other juniors in our University, for his learning, virtue, discretion, and good sense. But the Doctor was then in too good asituation at his college, to hope or endeavour at a betterestablishment, from one who had no power to give it him. 

Upon the present Lord-Lieutenant's coming over, the Doctor was named tohis Excellency by a friend, [166] among other clergy of distinction, aspersons whose characters it was proper his Excellency should know: Andby the truth of which the giver would be content to stand or fall in hisExcellency's opinion; since not one of those persons were in particularfriendship with the gentleman who gave in their names. By this and someother incidents, particularly the recommendation of the late Archbishopof Dublin, [167] the Doctor became known to his Excellency; whose fatalturn of mind toward heathenish and outlandish books and languages, finding, as I conceive a like disposition in the Doctor, was the causeof his becoming so domestic, as we are told he is, at the Castle ofDublin. 

Three or four years ago, the Doctor grown weary of an academic life, for some reasons best known to the managers of the discipline in thatlearned society (which it may not be for their honour to mention[168])resolved to leave it, although by the benefit of the pupils, and hissenior-fellowship with all its perquisites, he received every yearbetween nine hundred and a thousand pounds. 

And a small northern living, in the University's donation, of somewhatbetter than hundred pounds a year, falling at the same time with theChancellorship of Christ-Church, to about equal the value, in the giftof his Excellency, the Doctor ventured into the world in a very scantycondition, having squandered away all his annual income in a manner, which although perhaps proper enough for a clergyman without a family, will not be for the advantage of his character to discover either on theexchange, or at a banker's shop. 

About two months ago, his Excellency gave the Doctor a prebend in St. Patrick's Cathedral; which being of near the same value with either ofthe two former, will add a third part to his revenues, after he shallhave paid the great incumbrances upon it; so that he may now be said topossess of Church preferments in scattered tithes, three hundred poundsa year, instead of the like sum of infallible rents from a seniorfellowship with the offices annexed; beside the advantage of a freelodging, and some other easements. 

But since the Doctor hath not in any of his writings, his sermons, hisactions, his discourse, or his company, discovered one single principleof either Whig or Tory; and that the Lord Lieutenant still continues toadmit him; I shall boldly pronounce him _ONE OF US_: but like a newfree-mason, who hath not yet learned all the dialect of the mystery. Neither can he justly be accused of any Tory doctrines, except perhapssome among those few, with which that wicked party was charged, duringthe height of their power; but have been since transferred for the mostsolid reasons, to the whole body of our firmest friends. 

I have now done with the clergy; And upon the strictest examination havenot been able to find above one of that order, against whom any partysuspicion can lie, which is the unfortunate gentleman, Doctor Sheridan, who by mere chance-medley shot his own fortune dead with a single text. 

As to the laity I can hear of but one person of the Tory stamp, whosince the beginning of his Excellency's government, did ever receive anysolid mark of his favour; I mean Sir Arthur Acheson, [169] reported to bean acknowledged Tory, and what is almost as bad, a scholar into thebargain. It is whispered about as a certain truth, that this gentlemanis to have a grant of a certain barrack upon his estate, within twomiles of his own house; for which the Crown is to be his tenant, at therent of sixty pounds _per annum_; he being only at the expense of aboutfive hundred pounds, to put the house in repair, build stables, andother necessaries. I will place this invidious mark of beneficence, conferred on a Tory, in a fair light, by computing the costs andnecessary defalcations; after which it may be seen how much Sir Arthurwill be annually a clear gainer by the public, notwithstanding hisunfortunate principles, and his knowledge in Greek and Latin. 

 For repairs, &c. _500l. _ the interest whereof _per ann. _ 30 0 0 For all manner of poultry to furnish the troopers, but which the said troopers must be at the labour of catching, valued _per ann. _ 5 0 0 For straggling sheep, 8 0 0 For game destroyed five miles round, 6 0 0 -------- 49 0 0

 Rent paid to Sir Arthur, 60 0 0 Deduct 49 0 0 ------ Remains clear, 11 0 0 ------

Thus, if Sir Arthur Acheson shall have the good fortune to obtain agrant of this barrack, he will receive net profit annually from theCrown ELEVEN pounds sterling to help him in entertaining the officers, and making provisions for his younger children. 

It is true, there is another advantage to be expected, which may fullycompensate the loss of cattle and poultry; by multiplying the breed ofmankind, and particularly of good Protestants, in a part of the Kingdomhalf depopulated by the wild humour among the farmers there, of leavingtheir country. But I am not so skilful in arithmetic, as to compute thevalue. 

I have reckoned one _per cent. _ below the legal interest for the moneythat Sir Arthur must expend, and valued the damage in the other articlesvery moderately. However, I am confident he may with good management bea saver at least; which is a prodigious instance of moderation in ourfriends toward a professed Tory, whatever merit he may pretend by theunwillingness he hath shewn to make his Excellency uneasy in hisadministration. 

Thus I have with the utmost impartiality collected every single favour, (further than personal civilities) conferred by his Excellency onTories, and reputed Tories, since his first arrival hither to thispresent 13th day of April, in the year of our Lord 1730, giving allallowance possible to the arguments on the other side of the question. 

 * * * * *

 And the account will stand thus. 

Disposed of preferments and employments to Tories, or reputed Tories, byhis Excellency the Lord Lieutenant in about the space of six years. 

 To Doctor Thomas Sheridan in a rectory near Kinsale, _per ann. _ 100 0 0 To Sir Arthur Acheson, Baronet, a barrack, _per ann. _ 11 0 0 ----------- 111 0 0 -----------

Give me leave now to compute in gross the value of the favours done byhis Excellency to the true friends of their King and Country, and of theProtestant religion. 

It is to be remembered, that although his Excellency cannot be properlysaid to bestow bishoprics, commands in the army, the place of a judge, or commissioner in the revenue, and some others; yet they are, for themost part, disposed upon his recommendation, except where the personsare immediately sent from England by their interest at Court, for whichI have allowed large defalcations in the following accounts. And it isremarkable that the only considerable station conferred on a reputedTory since his present Excellency's government was of this latter kind. 

And indeed it is but too remarkable, that in a neighbouring nation, (where that dangerous denomination of men is incomparably more numerous, more powerful, and of consequence more formidable) real Tories can oftenwith much less difficulty obtain very high favours from the Government, than their reputed brethren can arrive to the lowest in ours. I observethis with all possible submission to the wisdom of their policy, which, however, will not I believe, dispute the praise of vigilance with ours. 

 WHIG Account. 

 To persons promoted to bishoprics, or removed to more beneficial ones, computed _per ann. _ 10050 0 0 To civil employments, 9030 0 0 To military commands, 8436 0 0 ----------- 27516 0 0

 TORY Account. 

 To Tories 111 0 0 ----------- Balance 27405 0 0 -----------

I shall conclude with this observation. That, as I think, the Torieshave sufficient reason to be fully satisfied with the share of trust, and power, and employments which they possess under the lenity of thepresent Government; so, I do not find how his Excellency can be justlycensured for favouring none but High-Church, high-fliers, termagants, Laudists, Sacheverellians, tip-top-gallant-men, Jacobites, tantivies, anti-Hanoverians, friends to Popery and the Pretender, and to arbitrarypower, disobligers of England, breakers of DEPENDENCY, inflamers ofquarrels between the two nations, public incendiaries, enemies to theKing and Kingdoms, haters of TRUE Protestants, laurelmen, Annists, complainers of the Nation's poverty, Ormondians, iconoclasts, anti-Glorious-memorists, white-rosalists, tenth-a-Junians, and the like:when by a fair state of the account, the balance, I conceive, plainlylies on the other side. [170]

A PROPOSAL

FOR

AN ACT OF PARLIAMENT, TO PAY OFF THE DEBT OF THE NATION, WITHOUT TAXING THE SUBJECT. 

BY WHICH THE NUMBER OF LANDED GENTRY AND SUBSTANTIAL FARMERS WILL BECONSIDERABLY INCREASED, AND NO ONE PERSON WILL BE THE POORER, ORCONTRIBUTE ONE FARTHING TO THE CHARGE. 

 NOTE. 

 In volume three of the present edition two tracts are given relating to attempts made by the bishops of Ireland for enlarging their powers. These tracts are entitled: "On the Bill for the Clergy's residing on their Livings, " and "Considerations upon two Bills, sent down from the House of Lords and the House of Commons in Ireland relating to the Clergy of Ireland" (pp. 249-272). The bills which Swift argued against were evidently intended to give the bishops further powers and increased opportunities for making money. (The matter is gone into at length in the notes prefixed to the above reprints. ) The bishops sought rights which would enable them to obtain large powers in letting leases, and their eagerness to get such powers, coupled with the efforts they expended, showed that they had less regard for the Church's interest than for their own. 

 In the present tract Swift, with his usual assumption of grave consideration of an important question, but in reality with cutting irony, proposes to dispose of all the Church lands for a lump sum, give the bishops their full just share, including the amount of fines for possible renewals of leases, and, at the same time, pay off the national debt with the money that remains. With an air of strict seriousness he solemnly computes the exact sums obtainable, and impartially divides the amounts with accurate care. Then, with a dig at the strangers England was continually sending to Irish preferments, among whom he counts himself, he concludes by saying that although the interests of such cannot be expected to be those of the country to which they have been translated, yet he, as one of them, is quite willing, and indeed feels himself in duty bound "to consult the interest of people among whom I have been so well received. And if I can be any way instrumental toward contributing to reduce this excellent proposal into a law ... My sincere endeavours to serve this Church and kingdom will be rewarded. "

 * * * * *

 The text of this pamphlet is based on that given at the end of the volume containing the first edition of "Considerations upon two Bills, " etc. , published in 1732. 

 [T. S. ]

A PROPOSAL FOR AN ACT OF PARLIAMENT, TO PAY OFF THE DEBT OF THE NATION, WITHOUT TAXING THE SUBJECT. 

The debts contracted some years past for the service and safety of thenation, are grown so great, that under our present distressed conditionby the want of trade, the great remittances to pay absentees, regimentsserving abroad, and many other drains of money, well enough known andfelt; the kingdom seems altogether unable to discharge them by thecommon methods of payment: And either a poll or land tax would be tooodious to think of, especially the latter, because the lands, which havebeen let for these ten or dozen years past, were raised so high, thatthe owners can, at present, hardly receive any rent at all. For, it isthe usual practice of an Irish tenant, rather than want land, to offermore for a farm than he knows he can be ever able to pay, and in thatcase he grows desperate, and pays nothing at all. So that a land-taxupon a racked estate would be a burthen wholly insupportable. 

The question will then be, how these national debts can be paid, and howI can make good the several particulars of my proposal, which I shallnow lay open to the public. 

The revenues of their Graces and Lordships the Archbishops and Bishopsof this kingdom (excluding the fines) do amount by a moderatecomputation to _36, 800l. _ _per ann. _ I mean the rents which thebishops receive from their tenants. But the real value of those landsat a full rent, taking the several sees one with another, is reckonedto be at least three-fourths more, so that multiplying _36, 800l. _ byfour, the full rent of all the bishops' lands will amount to_147, 200l. _ _per ann. _ from which subtracting the present rentreceived by their lordships, that is _36, 800l. _ the profits of thelands received by the first and second tenants (who both have greatbargains) will rise to the sum of _110, 400l. _ _per ann. _ which lands, if they were to be sold at twenty-two years' purchase, would raise asum of _2, 428, 800l. _ reserving to the Bishops their present rents, only excluding fines. [171]

Of this sum I propose, that out of the one-half which amounts to_1, 214, 400l. _ so much be applied as will entirely discharge the debts ofthe nation, and the remainder laid up in the treasury, to supplycontingencies, as well as to discharge some of our heavy taxes, untilthe kingdom shall be in a better condition. 

But whereas the present set of bishops would be great losers by thisscheme for want of their fines, which would be hard treatment to suchreligious, loyal and deserving personages, I have therefore set apartthe other half to supply that defect, which it will more thansufficiently do. 

A bishop's lease for the full term, is reckoned to be worth elevenyears' purchase, but if we take the bishops round, I suppose, there maybe four years of each lease elapsed, and many of the bishops being wellstricken in years, I cannot think their lives round to be worth morethan seven years' purchase; so that the purchasers may very well affordfifteen years' purchase for the reversion, especially by one greatadditional advantage, which I shall soon mention. 

This sum of _2, 428, 800l. _ must likewise be sunk very considerably, because the lands are to be sold only at fifteen years' purchase, andthis lessens the sum to about _1, 656, 000l. _ of which I propose twelvehundred thousand pounds to be applied partly for the payment of thenational debt, and partly as a fund for future exigencies, and theremaining _456, 000l. _ I propose as a fund for paying the present set ofbishops their fines, which it will abundantly do, and a great partremain as an addition to the public stock. 

Although the bishops round do not in reality receive three finesa-piece, which take up 21 years, yet I allow it to be so; but then Iwill suppose them to take but one year's rent, in recompense of givingthem so large a term of life, and thus multiplying _36, 800l. _ by 3 theproduct will be only _110, 400l. _ so that above three-fourths will remainto be applied to public use. 

If I have made wrong computations, I hope to be excused, as a strangerto the kingdom, which I never saw till I was called to an employment, and yet where I intend to pass the rest of my days; but I took care toget the best information I could, and from the most proper persons;however, the mistakes I may have been guilty of, will very little affectthe main of my proposal, although they should cause a difference of onehundred thousand pounds more or less. 

These fines, are only to be paid to the bishop during his incumbency inthe same see; if he changeth it for a better, the purchasers of thevacant see lands, are to come immediately into possession of the see hehath left, and both the bishop who is removed, and he who comes into hisplace, are to have no more fines, for the removed bishop will find hisaccount by a larger revenue; and the other see will find candidatesenough. For the law maxim will here have place, that _caveat_, &c. Imean the persons who succeed may choose whether they will accept or no. 

As to the purchasers, they will probably be tenants to the see, who arealready in possession, and can afford to give more than any otherbidders. 

I will further explain myself. If a person already a bishop, be removedinto a richer see, he must be content with the bare revenues, withoutany fines, and so must he who comes into a bishopric vacant by death:And this will bring the matter sooner to bear; which if the Crown shallthink fit to countenance, will soon change the present set of bishops, and consequently encourage purchasers of their lands. For example, If aPrimate should die, and the gradation be wisely made, almost the wholeset of bishops might be changed in a month, each to his great advantage, although no fines were to be got, and thereby save a great part of thatsum which I have appropriated towards supplying the deficiency of fines. 

I have valued the bishops' lands two years' purchase above the usualcomputed rate, because those lands will have a sanction from the Kingand Council in England, and be confirmed by an Act of Parliament here;besides, it is well known, that higher prices are given every day, forworse lands, at the remotest distances, and at rack rents, which I taketo be occasioned by want of trade, when there are few borrowers, and thelittle money in private hands lying dead, there is no other way todispose of it but in buying of land, which consequently makes the ownershold it so high. 

Besides paying the nation's debts, the sale of these lands would havemany other good effects upon the nation; it will considerably increasethe number of gentry, where the bishops' tenants are not able or willingto purchase; for the lands will afford an hundred gentlemen a goodrevenue to each; several persons from England will probably be glad tocome over hither, and be the buyers, rather than give thirty years'purchase at home, under the loads of taxes for the public and the poor, as well as repairs, by which means much money may be brought among us, and probably some of the purchasers themselves may be content to livecheap in a worse country, rather than be at the charge of exchange andagencies, and perhaps of non-solvencies in absence, if they let theirlands too high. 

This proposal will also multiply farmers, when the purchasers will havelands in their own power, to give long and easy leases to industrioushusbandmen. 

I have allowed some bishoprics of equal income to be of more or lessvalue to the purchaser, according as they are circumstanced. Forinstance, The lands of the primacy and some other sees, are let so low, that they hardly pay a fifth penny of the real value to the bishop, andthere the fines are the greater. On the contrary, the sees of Meath andClonfert, consisting, as I am told, much of tithes, those tithes areannually let to the tenants without any fines. So the see of Dublin issaid to have many fee-farms which pay no fines, and some leases forlives which pay very little, and not so soon nor so duly. 

I cannot but be confident, that their Graces my Lords the Archbishops, and my Lords the Bishops will heartily join in this proposal, out ofgratitude to his late and present Majesty, the best of Kings, who havebestowed such high and opulent stations, as well as in pity to thiscountry which is now become their own; whereby they will be instrumentaltowards paying the nation's debts, without impoverishing themselves, enrich an hundred gentlemen, as well as free them from dependence, andthus remove that envy which is apt to fall upon their Graces andLordships from considerable persons, whose birth and fortunes ratherqualify them to be lords of manors, than servile dependants uponChurchmen however dignified or distinguished. 

If I do not flatter myself, there could not be any law more popular thanthis; for the immediate tenants to bishops, being some of them personsof quality, and good estates, and more of them grown up to be gentlemenby the profits of these very leases, under a succession of bishops, think it a disgrace to be subject both to rents and fines, at thepleasure of their landlords. Then the bulk of the tenants, especiallythe dissenters, who are our loyal Protestant brethren, look upon it bothas an unnatural and iniquitous thing that bishops should be owners ofland at all; (wherein I beg to differ from them) being a point socontrary to the practice of the Apostles, whose successors they aredeemed to be, and who although they were contented that land should besold, for the common use of the brethren, yet would not buy itthemselves, but had it laid at their feet, to be distributed to poorproselytes. 

I will add one word more, that by such a wholesome law, all theoppressions felt by under-tenants of Church leases, which are now laidon by the bishops would entirely be prevented, by their Graces andLordships consenting to have their lands sold for payment of thenation's debts, reserving only the present rent for their own plentifuland honourable support. 

I beg leave to add one particular, that, when heads of a Bill (as I findthe style runs in this kingdom) shall be brought in for forming thisproposal into a law; I should humbly offer that there might be a powergiven to every bishop (except those who reside in Dublin) for applyingone hundred acres of profitable land that lies nearest to his palace, asa demesne for the conveniency of his family. 

I know very well, that this scheme hath been much talked of for sometime past, and is in the thoughts of many patriots, neither was itproperly mine, although I fell readily into it, when it was firstcommunicated to me. 

Though I am almost a perfect stranger in this kingdom, yet since I haveaccepted an employment here, of some consequence as well as profit, Icannot but think myself in duty bound to consult the interest of apeople, among whom I have been so well received. And if I can be any wayinstrumental towards contributing to reduce this excellent proposal intoa law which being not in the least injurious to England, will, I amconfident, meet with no opposition from that side, my sincere endeavoursto serve this Church and kingdom will be well rewarded. 

A CASE SUBMITTED BY DEAN SWIFT TO MR. LINDSAY, COUNSELLOR AT LAW. [172]

A. B. Agent for J. S. Comes to desire J. S. To sign an assignment of alease in order to be registered for the security of _38l. _ J. S. AsksA. B. To show him the lease A. B. Says he left it at home. J. S. Asks thesaid A. B. How many years of the lease are unexpired? what rent thetenant pays, and how much below the rack value? and what number of acresthere are upon the farm? To each of which questions the agent A. B. Answers categorically, that he cannot tell, and that he did not think J. Would ask him such questions. The said A. B. Was asked how he came twoyears after the lease was assigned, and not sooner, to have itregistered. A. B. Answers, that he could not sue till the assignment. 

Query, Whether the said agent A. B. Made any one answer like a man ofbusiness?

AN

EXAMINATION

OF

CERTAIN ABUSES, CORRUPTIONS, AND ENORMITIES

IN THE CITY OF DUBLIN. 

 NOTE. 

 Like many of Swift's satirical writings the title of this tract is no indication to its subject-matter. Whatever "abuses, corruptions and enormities" may have been rife in the city of Dublin in Swift's time, the pamphlet which follows certainly throws no light on them. It is in no sense a social document. But it is a very amusing and excellent piece of jeering at the fancied apprehensions that were rife about the Pretender, the "disaffected" people, and the Jacobites. It is aimed at the Whigs, who were continually using the party cries of "No Popery, " "Jacobitism, " and the other cognate expressions to distress their political opponents. At the same time, these cries had their effects, and created a great deal of mischief. The Roman Catholics, in particular, were cruelly treated because of the anxiety for the Protestant succession, and among the lower tradesmen, for whom such cries would be of serious meaning, a petty persecution against their Roman Catholic fellow-tradesmen continually prevailed. Monck Mason draws attention to some curious instances. (See his "History of St. Patrick's Cathedral, " p. 399, note y. )

 In the "Journals of the Irish House of Commons" (vol. Ii. , p. 77) is the record of a petition presented in the year 1695, by the Protestant porters of the city of Dublin, against one Darby Ryan, "a papist and notoriously disaffected. " This Ryan was complained of for employing those of his own persuasion and affection to carry a cargo of coals he had bought, to his own customers. The petitioners complained that they, Protestants, were "debased and hindered from their small trade and gains. " Another set of petitioners was the drivers of hackney coaches. They complained that, "before the late trouble, they got a livelihood by driving coaches in and about the city of Dublin, but since that time, so many papists had got coaches, and drove them with such ordinary horses, that the petitioners could hardly get bread.... They therefore prayed the house that none but Protestant hackney-coachmen may have liberty to keep and drive hackney-coaches. " Swift may have had these instances in his mind when he urges that the criers who cry their wares in Dublin should be True Protestants, and should give security to the government for permission to cry. 

 In a country where such absurd complaints could be seriously presented, and as seriously considered, a genuine apprehension must have existed. The Whigs in making capital out of this existing feeling stigmatized their Tory opponents as High Churchmen, and therefore very little removed from Papists, and therefore Jacobites. Of course there were no real grounds for such epithets, but they indulged in them nevertheless, with the addition of insinuations and suggestions--no insinuation being too feeble or too far-fetched so long as it served. 

 Swift, writing in the person of a Whig, affects extreme anxiety for the most ridiculous of signs, and finds a Papist, or a Jacobite, or a disaffected person, in the least likely of places. The tract, in this light, is a really amusing piece. Swift takes the opportunity also to hit Walpole, under a pretended censure of his extravagance, corruption, and avarice. 

 * * * * *

 The text here given of this tract is based on that of the original edition issued in Dublin in 1732. The last paragraph, however, does not appear in that edition, and is reprinted here from Scott. 

 [T. S. ]

AN

EXAMINATION

OF CERTAIN

_Abuses, Corruptions, _

AND

_ENORMITIES_

IN THE

City of _DUBLIN_. 

[Illustration]

_Dublin_: Printed in the Year 1732. 

Nothing is held more commendable in all great cities, especially themetropolis of a kingdom, than what the French call the police; by whichword is meant the government thereof, to prevent the many disordersoccasioned by great numbers of people and carriages, especially throughnarrow streets. In this government our famous City of Dublin is said tobe very defective, and universally complained of. Many wholesome lawshave been enacted to correct those abuses, but are ill executed; andmany more are wanting, which I hope the united wisdom of the nation(whereof so many good effects have already appeared this session) willsoon take into their most profound consideration. 

As I have been always watchful over the good of mine own country, andparticularly for that of our renowned city, where (_absit invidia_) Ihad the honour to draw my first breath[173]; I cannot have a minute'sease or patience to forbear enumerating some of the greatest enormities, abuses, and corruptions, spread almost through every part of Dublin; andproposing such remedies as, I hope, the legislature will approve of. 

The narrow compass to which I have confined myself in this paper, willallow me only to touch at the most important defects, and such as Ithink seem to require the most speedy redress. 

And first, perhaps there was never known a wiser institution than thatof allowing certain persons of both sexes, in large and populous cities, to cry through the streets many necessaries of life; it would be endlessto recount the conveniences which our city enjoys by this usefulinvention, and particularly strangers, forced hither by business, whoreside here but a short time; for, these having usually but littlemoney, and being wholly ignorant of the town, might at an easy pricepurchase a tolerable dinner, if the several criers would pronounce thenames of the goods they have to sell, in any tolerable language. Andtherefore till our law-makers shall think it proper to interpose so faras to make these traders pronounce their words in such terms, that aplain Christian hearer may comprehend what is cried, I would advise allnew comers to look out at their garret windows, and there see whetherthe thing that is cried be tripes or flummery, butter-milk or cow-heels. For, as things are now managed, how is it possible for an honestcountryman, just arrived, to find out what is meant, for instance, bythe following words, with which his ears are constantly stunned twice aday, "Mugs, jugs and porringers, up in the garret, and down in thecellar. " I say, how is it possible for any stranger to understand thatthis jargon is meant as an invitation to buy a farthing's worth of milkfor his breakfast or supper, unless his curiosity draws him to thewindow, or till his landlady shall inform him. I produce this only asone instance, among a hundred much worse, I mean where the words make asound wholly inarticulate, which give so much disturbance, and so littleinformation. 

The affirmation solemnly made in the cry of herrings, is directlyagainst all truth and probability, "Herrings alive, alive here. " Thevery proverb will convince us of this; for what is more frequent inordinary speech, than to say of some neighbour for whom the passing-bellrings, that he is dead as a herring. And, pray how is it possible, thata herring, which as philosophers observe, cannot live longer than oneminute, three seconds and a half out of water, should bear a voyage inopen boats from Howth to Dublin, be tossed into twenty hands, andpreserve its life in sieves for several hours. Nay, we have witnessesready to produce, that many thousands of these herrings, so impudentlyasserted to be alive, have been a day and a night upon dry land. Butthis is not the worst. What can we think of those impious wretches, whodare in the face of the sun, vouch the very same affirmative of theirsalmon, and cry, "Salmon alive, alive;" whereas, if you call the womanwho cries it, she is not ashamed to turn back her mantle, and shew youthis individual salmon cut into a dozen pieces. I have given good adviceto these infamous disgracers of their sex and calling, without the leastappearance of remorse, and fully against the conviction of their ownconsciences. I have mentioned this grievance to several of our parishministers, but all in vain; so that it must continue until thegovernment shall think fit to interpose. 

There is another cry, which, from the strictest observation I can make, appears to be very modern, and it is that of sweethearts, [174] and isplainly intended for a reflection upon the female sex, as if there wereat present so great a dearth of lovers, that the women instead ofreceiving presents from men, were now forced to offer money, to purchasesweethearts. Neither am I sure, that the cry doth not glance at somedisaffection against the government; insinuating, that while so many ofour troops are engaged in foreign service, and such a great number ofour gallant officers constantly reside in England, the ladies are forcedto take up with parsons and attorneys: But, this is a most unjustreflection, as may soon be proved by any person who frequents theCastle, our public walks, our balls and assemblies, where the crowds of_toupees_[175] were never known to swarm as they do at present. 

There is a cry, peculiar to this City, which I do not remember to havebeen used in London, or at least, not in the same terms that it has beenpractised by both parties, during each of their power; but, veryunjustly by the Tories. While these were at the helm, they grew dailymore and more impatient to put all true Whigs and Hanoverians out ofemployments. To effect which, they hired certain ordinary fellows, withlarge baskets on their shoulders, to call aloud at every house, "Dirt tocarry out;" giving that denomination to our whole party, as if theywould signify, that the kingdom could never be cleansed, till we wereswept from the earth like rubbish. But, since that happy turn of times, when we were so miraculously preserved by just an inch, from Popery, slavery, massacre, and the Pretender, I must own it prudence in us, still to go on with the same cry, which hath ever since been soeffectually observed, that the true political dirt is wholly removed, and thrown on its proper dunghills, there to corrupt, and be no moreheard of. 

But, to proceed to other enormities: Every person who walks the streets, must needs observe the immense number of human excrements at the doorsand steps of waste houses, and at the sides of every dead wall; forwhich the disaffected party have assigned a very false and maliciouscause. They would have it, that these heaps were laid there privately byBritish fundaments, to make the world believe, that our Irish vulgar dodaily eat and drink; and, consequently, that the clamour of povertyamong us, must be false, proceeding only from Jacobites and Papists. They would confirm this, by pretending to observe, that a British anusbeing more narrowly perforated than one of our own country; and many ofthese excrements upon a strict view appearing copple crowned, with apoint like a cone or pyramid, are easily distinguished from theHibernian, which lie much flatter, and with lest continuity. Icommunicated this conjecture to an eminent physician, who is well versedin such profound speculations; and at my request was pleased to maketrial with each of his fingers, by thrusting them into the anus ofseveral persons of both nations, and professed he could find no suchdifference between them as those ill-disposed people allege. On thecontrary, he assured me, that much the greater number of narrow cavitieswere of Hibernian origin. This I only mention to shew how ready theJacobites are to lay hold of any handle to express their malice againstthe government. I had almost forgot to add, that my friend the physiciancould, by smelling each finger, distinguish the Hibernian excrement fromthe British, and was not above twice mistaken in an hundred experiments;upon which he intends very soon to publish a learned dissertation. 

There is a diversion in this City, which usually begins among thebutchers, but is often continued by a succession of other people, through many streets. It is called the COSSING of a dog; and I mayjustly number it among our corruptions. The ceremony is this: A strangedog happens to pass through a flesh-market; whereupon an expert butcherimmediately cries in a loud voice, and the proper tone, "Coss, coss, "several times: The same word is repeated by the people. The dog, whoperfectly understands the terms of art, and consequently the danger heis in, immediately flies. The people, and even his own brother animalspursue; the pursuit and cry attend him perhaps half a mile; he is wellworried in his flight, and sometimes hardly escapes. This, ourill-wishers of the Jacobite kind, are pleased to call a persecution; andaffirm, that it always falls upon dogs of the Tory principle. But, wecan well defend ourselves, by justly alleging that when they wereuppermost, they treated our dogs full as inhumanly: As to my own part, who have in former times often attended these processions, although Ican very well distinguish between a Whig and Tory dog, yet I nevercarried my resentments very far upon a party principle, except it wereagainst certain malicious dogs, who most discovered their malice againstus in the _worst of times_. [176] And, I remember too well, that in thewicked ministry of the Earl of Oxford, a large mastiff of our partybeing unmercifully cossed, ran, without thinking, between my legs, as Iwas coming up Fishamble Street; and, as I am of low stature, with veryshort legs, bore me riding backwards down the hill, for above twohundred yards: And, although I made use of his tail for a bridle, holding it fast with both my hands, and clung my legs as close to hissides as I could, yet we both came down together into the middle of thekennel; where after rolling three or four times over each other, I gotup with much ado, amid the shouts and huzzas of a thousand maliciousJacobites: I cannot, indeed, but gratefully acknowledge, that for thisand many other services and sufferings, I have been since more thanover-paid. 

This adventure may, perhaps, have put me out of love with the diversionsof cossing, which I confess myself an enemy to, unless we could alwaysbe sure of distinguishing Tory dogs; whereof great numbers have sincebeen so prudent, as entirely to change their principles, and are nowjustly esteemed the best worriers of their former friends. 

I am assured, and partly know, that all the chimney-sweepers' boys, where Members of Parliament chiefly lodge, are hired by our enemies toskulk in the tops of chimneys, with their heads no higher than will justpermit them to look round; and at the usual hours when members are goingto the House, if they see a coach stand near the lodging of any loyalmember, they call "Coach, coach, " as loud as they can bawl, just at theinstant when the footman begins to give the same call. And this ischiefly done on those days, when any point of importance is to bedebated. This practice may be of very dangerous consequence. For, theseboys are all hired by enemies to the government; and thus, by theabsence of a few members for a few minutes, a question may be carriedagainst the true interest of the kingdom, and very probably, not withoutany eye toward the Pretender. 

I have not observed the wit and fancy of this town, so much employed inany one article, as that of contriving variety of signs to hang overhouses, where punch is to be sold. The bowl is represented full ofpunch, the ladle stands erect in the middle, supported sometimes by one, and sometimes by two animals, whose feet rest upon the edge of the bowl. These animals are sometimes one black lion, and sometimes a couple;sometimes a single eagle, and sometimes a spread one, and we often meeta crow, a swan, a bear, or a cock, in the same posture. 

Now, I cannot find how any of these animals, either separate, or inconjunction, are properly speaking, either fit emblems orembellishments, to advance the sale of punch. Besides, it is agreedamong naturalists, that no brute can endure the taste of strong liquor, except where he hath been used to it from his infancy: And, consequently, it is against all the rules of hieroglyph, to assign thoseanimals as patrons, or protectors of punch. For, in that case, we oughtto suppose, that the host keeps always ready the real bird, or beast, whereof the picture hangs over his door, to entertain his guest; which, however, to my knowledge, is not true in fact. For not one of thosebirds is a proper companion for a Christian, as to aiding and assistingin making the punch. For the birds, as they are drawn upon the sign, aremuch more likely to mute, or shed their feathers into the liquor. Then, as to the bear, he is too terrible, awkward, and slovenly a companion toconverse with; neither are any of them at all, handy enough to fillliquor to the company: I do, therefore, vehemently suspect a plotintended against the Government, by these devices. For, although thespread-eagle be the arms of Germany, upon which account it may possiblybe a lawful Protestant sign; yet I, who am very suspicious of fairoutsides, in a matter which so nearly concerns our welfare, cannot butcall to mind, that the Pretender's wife is said to be of German birth:And that many Popish Princes, in so vast an extent of land, are reportedto excel both at making and drinking punch. Besides, it is plain, thatthe spread-eagle exhibits to us the perfect figure of a cross, which isa badge of Popery. Then, as to the cock, he is well known to representthe French nation, our old and dangerous enemy. The swan, who must ofnecessity cover the entire bowl with his wings, can be no other than theSpaniard, who endeavours to engross all the treasures of the Indies tohimself. The lion is indeed, the common emblem of Royal power, as wellas the arms of England; but to paint him black, is perfect Jacobitism, and a manifest type of those who blacken the actions of the bestPrinces. It is not easy to distinguish, whether the other fowl paintedover the punch-bowl, be a crow or raven? It is true, they have both beenheld ominous birds; but I rather take it to be the former; because it isthe disposition of a crow, to pick out the eyes of other creatures; andoften even of Christians, after they are dead; and is therefore drawnhere, with a design to put the Jacobites in mind of their old practice, first to lull us asleep, (which is an emblem of Death) and then to blindour eyes, that we may not see their dangerous practices against theState. 

To speak my private opinion, the least offensive picture in the wholeset, seems to be the bear; because he represents _ursa major_, or theGreat Bear, who presides over the North, where the Reformation firstbegan, and which, next to Britain, (including Scotland and the north ofIreland) is the great protector of the Protestant religion. But, however, in those signs where I observe the bear to be chained, I can'thelp surmising a Jacobite contrivance, by which these traitors hint anearnest desire of using all true Whigs, as the predecessors did theprimitive Christians; I mean, to represent us as bears, and then hallootheir Tory dogs to bait us to death. 

Thus I have given a fair account of what I dislike, in all those signsset over those houses that invite us to punch: I own it was a matterthat did not need explaining, being so very obvious to the most commonunderstanding. Yet, I know not how it happens, but methinks there seemsa fatal blindness, to overspread our corporeal eyes, as well as ourintellectual; and I heartily wish, I may be found a false prophet; for, these are not bare suspicions, but manifest demonstrations. 

Therefore, away with those Popish, Jacobite, and idolatrous gew-gaws. And I heartily wish a law were enacted, under severe penalties, againstdrinking any punch at all. For nothing is easier, than to prove it adisaffected liquor. The chief ingredients, which are brandy, oranges, and lemons, are all sent us from Popish countries; and nothing remainsof Protestant growth but sugar and water. For, as to biscuit, whichformerly was held a necessary ingredient, and is truly British, we findit is entirely rejected. 

But I will put the truth of my assertion, past all doubt: I mean, thatthis liquor is by one important innovation, grown of ill example, anddangerous consequence to the public. It is well known, that, by the trueoriginal institution of making punch, left us by Captain Ratcliffe, thesharpness is only occasioned by the juice of lemons, and so continuedtill after the happy Revolution. Oranges, alas! are a mere innovation, and in a manner but of yesterday. It was the politics of Jacobites tointroduce them gradually: And, to what intent? The thing speaks itself. It was cunningly to shew their virulence against his sacred Majesty KingWilliam, of ever glorious and immortal memory. But of late, (to shew howfast disloyalty increaseth) they came from one or two, and then to threeoranges; nay, at present we often find punch made all with oranges, andnot one single lemon. For the Jacobites, before the death of thatimmortal Prince, had, by a superstition, formed a private prayer, that, as they squeezed the orange, so might that Protestant King be squeezedto death[177]: According to that known sorcery described by Virgil, Limus ut hic durescit, et hĉc ut cera liquescit, &c. [Ecl. Viii. 80. ]

And, thus the Romans, when they sacrificed an ox, used this kind ofprayer. "As I knock down this ox, so may thou, O Jupiter, knock down ourenemies. " In like manner, after King William's death, whenever aJacobite squeezed an orange, he had a mental curse upon the "gloriousmemory, " and a hearty wish for power to squeeze all his Majesty'sfriends to death, as he squeezed that orange, which bore one of histitles, as he was Prince of Orange. This I do affirm for truth; many ofthat faction having confessed it to me, under an oath of secrecy; which, however, I thought it my duty not to keep, when I saw my dear country indanger. But, what better can be expected from an impious set of men, whonever scruple to drink _confusion_ to all true Protestants, under thename of Whigs? a most unchristian and inhuman practice, which, to ourgreat honour and comfort, was never charged upon us, even by our mostmalicious detractors. 

The sign of two angels, hovering in the air, and with their right handssupporting a crown, is met with in several parts of this city; and hathoften given me great offence: For, whether by the unskilfulness, ordangerous principles of the painters, (although I have good reasons tosuspect the latter) those angels are usually drawn with such horridcountenances, that they give great offence to every loyal eye, and equalcause of triumph to the Jacobites being a most infamous reflection uponour most able and excellent ministry. 

I now return to that great enormity of our city cries; most of which wehave borrowed from London. I shall consider them only in a politicalview, as they nearly affect the peace and safety of both kingdoms; andhaving been originally contrived by wicked Machiavels, to bring inPopery, slavery, and arbitrary power, by defeating the ProtestantSuccession, and introducing the Pretender, ought, in justice, to be herelaid open to the world. 

About two or three months after the happy Revolution, all persons whopossessed any employment, or office, in Church or State, were obliged byan Act of Parliament, to take the oaths to King William and Queen Mary:And a great number of disaffected persons, refusing to take the saidoaths, from a pretended scruple of conscience, but really from a spiritof Popery and rebellion, they contrived a plot, to make the swearing tothose Princes odious in the eyes of the people. To this end, they hiredcertain women of ill fame, but loud shrill voices, under pretence ofselling fish, to go through the streets, with sieves on their heads, andcry, "Buy my soul, buy my soul;" plainly insinuating, that all those whoswore to King William, were just ready to sell their souls for anemployment. This cry was revived at the death of Queen Anne, and, Ihear, still continues in London, with great offence to all trueProtestants; but, to our great happiness, seems to be almost dropped inDublin. 

But, because I altogether contemn the displeasure and resentment ofhigh-fliers, Tories, and Jacobites, whom I look upon to be worse eventhan professed Papists, I do here declare, that those evils which I amgoing to mention, were all brought in upon us in the _worst of times_, under the late Earl of Oxford's administration, during the four lastyears of Queen Anne's reign. _That wicked minister was universally knownto be a Papist in his heart. He was of a most avaricious nature, and issaid to have died worth four millions, sterl. [178] besides his vastexpenses in building, statues, gold plate, jewels, and other costlyrarities. He was of a mean obscure birth, from the very dregs of thepeople, and so illiterate, that he could hardly read a paper at thecouncil table. I forbear to touch at his open, profane, profligate life;because I desire not to rake into the ashes of the dead, and thereforeI shall observe this wise maxim:_ De mortuis nil nisi bonum. 

This flagitious man, in order to compass his black designs, employedcertain wicked instruments (which great statesmen are never without) toadapt several London cries, in such a manner as would best answer hisends. And, whereas it was upon grounds grievously suspected, that allplaces at Court were sold to the highest bidder: Certain women wereemployed by his emissaries, to carry fish in baskets on their heads, andbawl through the streets, "Buy my fresh places. " I must, indeed, ownthat other women used the same cry, who were innocent of this wickeddesign, and really sold their fish of that denomination to get an honestlivelihood; but the rest, who were in the secret, although they carriedfish in their sieves or baskets, to save appearances; yet they hadlikewise, a certain sign, somewhat resembling that of the free-masons, which the purchasers of places knew well enough, and were directed bythe women whither they were to resort, and make their purchase. And, Iremember very well, how oddly it looked, when we observed many gentlemenfinely dressed, about the Court end of the town, and as far as YorkBuildings, where the Lord Treasurer Oxford dwelt, calling the women whocried "Buy my fresh places, " and talking to them in the corner of astreet, after they understood each other's sign: But we never couldobserve that any fish was bought. 

Some years before the cries last mentioned, the Duke of Savoy wasreported to have made certain overtures to the Court of England, foradmitting his eldest son by the Duchess of Orleans's daughter, tosucceed to the Crown, as next heir, upon the Pretender's being rejected, and that son was immediately to turn Protestant. It was confidentlyreported, that great numbers of people disaffected to the thenillustrious but now Royal House of Hanover, were in those measures. Whereupon another set of women were hired by the Jacobite leaders, tocry through the whole town, "Buy my Savoys, dainty Savoys, curiousSavoys. " But, I cannot directly charge the late Earl of Oxford with thisconspiracy, because he was not then chief Minister. However, the wickedcry still continues in London, and was brought over hither, where itremains to this day, and in my humble opinion, a very offensive sound toevery true Protestant, who is old enough to remember those dangeroustimes. 

During the Ministry of that corrupt and Jacobite earl above-mentioned, the secret pernicious design of those in power, was to sell Flanders toFrance; the consequence of which, must have been the infallible ruin ofthe States-General, and would have opened the way for France to obtainthat universal monarchy, after which they have so long aspired; to whichthe British dominions must next, after Holland, have been compelled tosubmit, and the Protestant religion would be rooted out of the world. 

A design of this vast importance, after long consultation among theJacobite grandees, with the Earl of Oxford at their head, was at lastdetermined to be carried on by the same method with the former; it wastherefore again put in practice; but the conduct of it was chiefly leftto chosen men, whose voices were louder and stronger than those of theother sex. And upon this occasion, was first instituted in London, thatfamous cry of "FLOUNDERS. " But the criers were particularlydirected to pronounce the word "Flaunders, " and not "Flounders. " For, the country which we now by corruption call Flanders, is in its trueorthography spelt Flaunders, as may be obvious to all who read oldEnglish books. I say, from hence begun that thundering cry, which hathever since stunned the ears of all London, made so many children fallinto fits, and women miscarry; "Come buy my fresh flaunders, curiousflaunders, charming flaunders, alive, alive, ho;" which last words canwith no propriety of speech be applied to fish manifestly dead, (as Iobserved before in herrings and salmon) but very justly to tenprovinces, which contain many millions of living Christians. And theapplication is still closer, when we consider that all the people wereto be taken like fishes in a net; and, by assistance of the Pope, whosets up to be the universal Fisher of Men, the whole innocent nation, was, according to our common expression, to be "laid as flat as aflounder. "

I remember, myself, a particular crier of flounders in London, whoarrived at so much fame for the loudness of his voice, that he had thehonour to be mentioned upon that account, in a comedy. He hathdisturbed me many a morning, before he came within fifty doors of mylodging. And although I were not in those days so fully apprized of thedesigns, which our common enemy had then in agitation, yet, I know nothow, by a secret impulse, young as I was, I could not forbear conceivinga strong dislike against the fellow; and often said to myself, "This cryseems to be forged in the Jesuits' school. Alas, poor England! I amgrievously mistaken if there be not some Popish Plot at the bottom. " Icommunicated my thoughts to an intimate friend, who reproached me withbeing too visionary in my speculations: But, it proved afterwards, thatI conjectured right. And I have often since reflected, that if thewicked faction could have procured only a thousand men, of as stronglungs as the fellow I mentioned, none can tell how terrible theconsequences might have been, not only to these two Kingdoms, but overall Europe, by selling Flanders to France. And yet these cries continueunpunished, both in London and Dublin, although I confess, not withequal vehemency or loudness, because the reason for contriving thisdesperate plot, is, to our great felicity, wholly ceased. 

It is well known, that the majority of the British House of Commons inthe last years of Queen Anne's reign, were in their hearts directlyopposite to the Earl of Oxford's pernicious measures; which put himunder the necessity of bribing them with salaries. Whereupon he hadagain recourse to his old politics. And accordingly, his emissaries werevery busy in employing certain artful women of no good life orconversation, (as it was fully proved before Justice Peyton) to cry thatvegetable commonly called celery, through the town. These women differedfrom the common criers of that herb, by some private mark which I couldnever learn; but the matter was notorious enough, and sufficientlytalked of, and about the same period was the cry of celery brought overinto this kingdom. But since there is not at this present, the leastoccasion to suspect the loyalty of our criers upon that article, I amcontent that it may still be tolerated. 

I shall mention but one cry more, which hath any reference to politics;but is indeed, of all others the most insolent, as well as treasonable, under our present happy Establishment. I mean that of turnups; not ofturnips, according to the best orthography, but absolutely turnups. Although this cry be of an older date than some of the precedingenormities, for it began soon after the Revolution; yet was it neverknown to arrive at so great a height, as during the Earl of Oxford'spower. Some people, (whom I take to be private enemies) are, indeed, asready as myself to profess their disapprobation of this cry, on pretencethat it began by the contrivance of certain old procuresses, who kepthouses of ill-fame, where lewd women met to draw young men into vice. And this they pretend to prove by some words in the cry; because, afterthe crier had bawled out, "Turnups, ho, buy my dainty turnups, " he wouldsometimes add the two following verses:--

 "Turn up the mistress, and turn up the maid, And turn up the daughter, and be not afraid. "

This, say some political sophists, plainly shews that there can benothing further meant in this infamous cry, than an invitation tolewdness, which indeed, ought to be severely punished in allwell-regulated Governments; but cannot be fairly interpreted as a crimeof State. But, I hope, we are not so weak and blind to be deluded atthis time of day, with such poor evasions. I could, if it were proper, demonstrate the very time when those two verses were composed, and namethe author, who was no other than the famous Mr. Swan, so well known forhis talent at quibbling, and was as virulent a Jacobite as any inEngland. Neither could he deny the fact, when he was taxed for it in mypresence by Sir Harry Button-Colt, and Colonel Davenport, at the Smyrnacoffee-house, on the 10th of June, 1701. Thus it appears to ademonstration, that those verses were only a blind to conceal the mostdangerous designs of that party, who from the first years after thehappy Revolution, used a cant way of talking in their clubs after thismanner: "We hope, to see the cards shuffled once more, and another kingTURN UP trump:" And, "When shall we meet over a dish ofTURNUPS?" The same term of art was used in their plots againstthe government, and in their treasonable letters writ in ciphers, anddeciphered by the famous Dr. Wallis, as you may read in the trials ofthose times. This I thought fit to set forth at large, and in so cleara light, because the Scotch and French authors have given a verydifferent account of the word TURNUP, but whether out ofignorance or partiality I shall not decree; because I am sure, thereader is convinced by my discovery. It is to be observed, that this crywas sung in a particular manner by fellows in disguise, to give noticewhere those traitors were to meet, in order to concert their villainousdesigns. 

I have no more to add upon this article, than an humble proposal, thatthose who cry this root at present in our streets of Dublin, may becompelled by the justices of the peace, to pronounce turnip, and notturnup; for, I am afraid, we have still too many snakes in our bosom;and it would be well if their cellars were sometimes searched, when theowners least expect it; for I am not out of fear that _latet anguis inherbâ_. 

Thus, we are zealous in matters of small moment, while we neglect thoseof the highest importance. I have already made it manifest, that allthese cries were contrived in the _worst of times_, under the ministryof that desperate statesman, Robert, late Earl of Oxford, and for thatvery reason ought to be rejected with horror, as begun in the reign ofJacobites, and may well be numbered among the rags of Popery andtreason: Or if it be thought proper, that these cries must continue, surely they ought to be only trusted in the hands of true Protestants, who have given security to the government. 

[Having already spoken of many abuses relating to signposts, I cannothere omit one more, because it plainly relates to politics; and is, perhaps, of more dangerous consequence than any of the city cries, because it directly tends to destroy the succession. It is the sign ofhis present Majesty King George the Second, to be met with in manystreets; and yet I happen to be not only the first, but the only, discoverer of this audacious instance of Jacobitism. And I am confident, that, if the justices of the peace would please to make a strictinspection, they might find, in all such houses, before which thosesigns are hung up in the manner I have observed, that the landlords weremalignant Papists, or, which is worse, notorious Jacobites. Whoeverviews those signs, may read, over his Majesty's head, the followingletters and ciphers, G. R. II. , which plainly signifies George, King theSecond, and not King George the Second, or George the Second, King; butlaying the point after the letter G, by which the owner of the housemanifestly shews, that he renounces his allegiance to King George theSecond, and allows him to be only the second king, _inuendo_, that thePretender is the first king; and looking upon King George to be only akind of second king, or viceroy, till the Pretender shall come over andseize the kingdom. I appeal to all mankind, whether this be a strainedor forced interpretation of the inscription, as it now stands in almostevery street; whether any decipherer would make the least doubt orhesitation to explain it as I have done; whether any other Protestantcountry would endure so public an instance of treason in the capitalcity from such vulgar conspirators; and, lastly, whether Papists andJacobites of great fortunes and quality may not probably stand behindthe curtain in this dangerous, open, and avowed design against thegovernment. But I have performed my duty; and leave the reforming ofthese abuses to the wisdom, the vigilance, the loyalty, and activity ofmy superiors. ][179]

A SERIOUS AND USEFUL SCHEME

TO MAKE AN

HOSPITAL FOR INCURABLES. 

 NOTE. 

 This piece, included by Sir Walter Scott for the first time among Swift's writings, was, in the opinion of that editor, indisputably the work of the Dean of St. Patrick's. The present editor sees no reason to disagree with this judgement, and it is therefore reprinted here. The original issue of 1733, printed by Faulkner contained also Swift's "Petition of the Footmen in and about Dublin, " and had a lengthy advertisement of the Complete Works of Swift which Faulkner was, at that time, projecting. It is difficult, however, to understand why the tract was not included in later editions of Swift's complete works. Sir Walter Scott puts forward an explanation suggested by Dr. Barrett, who believed the reason to have been, that this "_jeu d'esprit_ might be interpreted as casting a slur on an hospital erected upon Lazors-Hill, now on the Donny-Brook road near Dublin, for the reception of persons afflicted with incurable maladies. " The reason seems a poor one, though it may have been as Dr. Barrett states. A better argument might be found from the style and subject matter of the tract itself. The style is strongly Swift's, and the subject of such an hospital must certainly have occupied Swift's thoughts at this time, since he left his fortune for the erection of a similar building. 

 * * * * *

 The text of the present edition is based on that of the volume issued by Faulkner in 1733, compared with the Dublin reprint of the following year. 

 [T. S. ]

A

SERIOUS and USEFUL

SCHEME, To make an

Hospital for Incurables, OF

Universal Benefit to all His Majesty's Subjects. 

 * * * * *

Humbly addressed to the Rt. Hon. The Lord ----, the Rt. Hon. Sir ----, andto the Rt. Hon. ----, Esq;

 * * * * *

To which is added, A Petition of the Footmen in and about _Dublin_. 

 * * * * *

_Fĉcunda Culpĉ Secula!_--Hor. 

 * * * * *

Printed at _LONDON_: And, _DUBLIN_:

Printed by _GEORGE FAULKNER_, and Sold at his Shop in _Essex Street_, opposite to the _Bridge_, and by _G. Risk_, _G. Ewing_ and _W. Smith_, Booksellers in _Dame-Street_, 1733. 

There is not any thing which contributes more to the reputation ofparticular persons, or to the honour of a nation in general, thanerecting and endowing proper edifices, for the reception of those wholabour under different kinds of distress. The diseased and unfortunateare thereby delivered from the misery of wanting assistance; and othersare delivered from the misery of beholding them. 

It is certain, that the genius of the people of England is stronglyturned to public charities; and to so noble a degree, that almost inevery part of this great and opulent city, and also in many of theadjacent villages, we meet with a great variety of hospitals, supportedby the generous contributions of private families, as well as by theliberality of the public. Some for seamen worn out in the service oftheir country, and others for infirm disabled soldiers; some for themaintenance of tradesmen decayed, and others for their widows andorphans; some for the service of those who linger under tediousdistempers, and others for such as are deprived of their reason. 

But I find, upon nice inspection, that there is one kind of charityalmost totally disregarded, which, nevertheless, appears to me of soexcellent a nature, as to be at present more wanted, and bettercalculated for the ease, quietness, and felicity of this whole kingdom, than any other can possibly be. I mean an hospital for incurables. 

I must indeed confess, that an endowment of this nature would prove avery large and perpetual expense. However, I have not the leastdiffidence, that I shall be able effectually to convince the world thatmy present scheme for such an hospital is very practicable, and must bevery desirable by every one who hath the interest of his country, or hisfellow-creatures, really at heart. 

It is observable, that, although the bodies of human creatures beaffected with an infinite variety of disorders, which elude the power ofmedicine, and are often found to be incurable, yet their minds are alsooverrun with an equal variety, which no skill, no power, no medicine, can alter or amend. And I think, that, out of regard to the public peaceand emolument, as well as the repose of many pious and valuablefamilies, this latter species of incurables ought principally to engageour attention and beneficence. 

I believe an Hospital for such Incurables will be universally allowednecessary, if we only consider what numbers of absolute incurables everyprofession, rank, and degree, would perpetually produce, which, atpresent, are only national grievances, and of which we can have no othereffectual method to purge the kingdom. 

For instance; let any man seriously consider what numbers there are ofincurable fools, incurable knaves, incurable scolds, incurablescribblers, (besides myself, ) incurable coxcombs, incurable infidels, incurable liars, incurable whores, in all places of public resort:--notto mention the incurably vain, incurably envious, incurably proud, incurably affected, incurably impertinent, and ten thousand otherincurables, which I must of necessity pass over in silence, lest Ishould swell this essay into a volume. And without doubt, everyunprejudiced person will agree, that, out of mere Christian charity, thepublic ought to be eased as much as possible of this troublesome andintolerable variety of incurables. 

And first, Under the denomination of incurable fools, we may reasonablyexpect, that such an hospital would be furnished with considerablenumbers of the growth of our own universities; who, at present, appearin various professions in the world, under the venerable titles ofphysicians, barristers, and ecclesiastics. 

And as those ancient seminaries have been, for some years past, accounted little better than nurseries of such sort of incurables, itshould seem highly commendable to make some kind of provision for them;because it is more than probable, that, if they are to be supported bytheir own particular merit in their several callings, they mustnecessarily acquire but a very indifferent maintenance. 

I would not, willingly, be here suspected to cast reflections on anyorder of men, as if I thought that small gains from the profession ofany art or science, were always an undoubted sign of an equally smalldegree of understanding; for I profess myself to be somewhat inclined toa very opposite opinion, having frequently observed, that at the bar, the pulse, and the pulpit, those who have the least learning or sense toplead, meet generally with the largest share of promotions and profit:of which many instances might be produced; but the public seems to wantno conviction in this particular. 

Under the same denominations we may further expect a large andridiculous quantity of old rich widows; whose eager and impatientappetites inflame them with extravagant passions for fellows of a verydifferent age and complexion from themselves; who purchase contempt andaversion with good jointures; and being loaded with years, infirmities, and probably ill humour, are forced to bribe into their embraces suchwhose fortunes and characters are equally desperate. 

Besides, our collection of incurable fools would receive an incredibleaddition from every one of the following articles. 

From young extravagant heirs; who are just of a competent age to becomethe bubbles of jockeys, sportsmen, gamesters, bullies, sharpers, courtesans, and such sort of honourable pickpockets. 

From misers; who half starve themselves to feed the prodigality of theirheirs, and who proclaim to the world how unworthy they are of possessingestates, by the wretched and ridiculous methods they take to enjoy them. 

From contentious people, of all conditions; who are content to waste thegreatest part of their own fortunes at law, to be the instruments ofimpoverishing others. 

From those who have any confidence in profession of friendship, beforetrial; or any dependence on the fidelity of a mistress. 

From young illiterate squires, who travel abroad to import lewdness, conceit, arrogance, vanity, and foppery; of which commodities thereseems to be so great an abundance at home. 

From young clergymen; who contrive, by matrimony, to acquire a family, before they have obtained the necessary means to maintain one. 

From those who have considerable estates in different kingdoms, and yetare so incurably stupid as to spend their whole incomes in this. 

These, and several other articles which might be mentioned, would affordus a perpetual opportunity of easing the public, by having an hospitalfor the accommodation of such incurables; who, at present, either by theover-fondness of near relations, or the indolence of the magistrates, are permitted to walk abroad, and appear in the most crowded places ofthis city, as if they were indeed reasonable creatures. 

I had almost forgot to hint, that, under this article, there is a modestprobability that many of the clergy would be found properly qualifiedfor admittance into the hospital, who might serve in the capacity ofchaplains, and save the unnecessary expense of salaries. 

To these fools, in order succeed such as may justly be included underthe extensive denomination of incurable knaves; of which our severalInns of Court would constantly afford us abundant supplies. 

I think indeed, that, of this species of incurables, there ought to be acertain limited number annually admitted; which number, neither anyregard to the quiet or benefit of the nation, nor any other charitableor public-spirited reason, should tempt us to exceed; because, if allwere to be admitted on such a foundation, who might be reputed incurableof this distemper; and if it were possible for the public to find anyplace large enough for their reception; I have not the least doubt, thatall our Inns, which are at this day so crowded, would in a short time beemptied of their inhabitants; and the law, that beneficial craft, wanthands to conduct it. 

I tremble to think what herds of attorneys, solicitors, pettifoggers, scriveners, usurers, hackney-clerks, pickpockets, pawn-brokers, jailors, and justices of the peace, would hourly be driven to such an hospital;and what disturbance it might also create in several noble and wealthyfamilies. 

What unexpected distress might it prove to several men of fortune andquality, to be suddenly deprived of their rich stewards, in whom theyhad for many years reposed the utmost confidence, and to find themirrecoverably lodged among such a collection of incurables!

How many orphans might then expect to see their guardians hurried awayto the hospital; and how many greedy executors find reason to lament thewant of opportunity to pillage!

Would not Exchange Alley have cause to mourn for the loss of itsstock-jobbers and brokers; and the Charitable Corporation for theconfinement of many of its directors?

Might not Westminster-Hall, as well as all the gaming-houses in thisgreat city, be entirely unpeopled; and the professors of art in each ofthose assemblies become useless in their vocations, by being deprived ofall future opportunity to be dishonest?

In short, it might put the whole kingdom into confusion and disorder;and we should find that the entire revenues of this nation would bescarce able to support so great a number of incurables, in this way, aswould appear qualified for admission into our hospital. 

For if we only consider how this kingdom swarms with quadrille-tables, and gaming-houses, both public and private; and also how each of thosehouses, as well as Westminster-Hall aforesaid, swarms with knaves whoare anxious to win, or fools who have anything to lose; we may be soonconvinced how necessary it will be to limit the number of incurables, comprehended under these titles, lest the foundation should proveinsufficient to maintain any others besides them. 

However, if, by this Scheme of mine, the nation can be eased of twentyor thirty thousand such incurables, I think it ought to be esteemedsomewhat beneficial, and worthy of the attention of the public. 

The next sort for whom I would gladly provide, and who for severalgenerations have proved insupportable plagues and grievances to the goodpeople of England, are those who may properly be admitted under thecharacter of incurable scolds. 

I own this to be a temper of so desperate a nature, that few females canbe found willing to own themselves anyway addicted to it; and yet, itis thought that there is scarce a single parson, 'prentice, alderman, squire, or husband, who would not solemnly avouch the very reverse. 

I could wish, indeed, that the word scold might be changed for some moregentle term, of equal signification; because I am convinced, that thevery name is as offensive to female ears, as the effects of thatincurable distemper are to the ears of the men; which, to be sure, isinexpressible. 

And that it hath been always customary to honour the very same kind ofactions with different appellations, only to avoid giving offence, isevident to common observation. 

For instance: How many lawyers, attorneys, solicitors, under-sheriffs, intriguing chambermaids, and counter-officers, are continually guilty ofextortion, bribery, oppression, and many other profitable knaveries, todrain the purses of those with whom they are any way concerned! And yet, all these different expedients to raise a fortune, pass generally underthe milder names of fees, perquisites, vails, presents, gratuities, andsuch like; although, in strictness of speech, they should be calledrobbery, and consequently be rewarded with a gibbet. 

Nay, how many honourable gentlemen might be enumerated, who keep openshop to make a trade of iniquity; who teach the law to wink wheneverpower or profit appears in her way; and contrive to grow rich by thevice, the contention, or the follies of mankind; and who, nevertheless, instead of being branded with the harsh-sounding names of knaves, pilferers, or public oppressors, (as they justly merit, ) are onlydistinguished by the title of justices of the peace; in which singleterm, all those several appellations are generally thought to beimplied. 

But to proceed. When first I determined to prepare this Scheme for theuse and inspection of the public, I intended to examine one whole wardin this city, that my computation of the number of incurable scoldsmight be more perfect and exact. But I found it impossible to finish myprogress through more than one street. 

I made my first application to a wealthy citizen in Cornhill, common-council-man for his ward; to whom I hinted, that if he knew e'eran incurable scold in the neighbourhood, I had some hope to provide forher in such a manner, as to hinder her from being further troublesome. He referred me with great delight to his next-door friend; yet whisperedme, that, with much greater ease and pleasure, he could furnish me outof his own family ----; and begged the preference. 

His next-door friend owned readily that his wife's qualifications werenot misrepresented, and that he would cheerfully contribute to promoteso useful a scheme; but positively asserted, that it would be of smallservice to rid the neighbourhood of one woman, while such multitudeswould remain all equally insupportable. 

By which circumstance I conjectured, that the quantity of theseincurables in London, Westminster, and Southwark, would be veryconsiderable; and that a generous contribution might reasonably beexpected for such an hospital as I am recommending. 

Besides, the number of these female incurables would probably be verymuch increased by additional quantities of old maids; who, being weariedwith concealing their ill-humour for one-half of their lives, areimpatient to give it full vent in the other. For old maids, like oldthin-bodied wines, instead of growing more agreeable by years, areobserved, for the most part, to become intolerably sharp, sour, anduseless. 

Under this denomination also, we may expect to be furnished with aslarge a collection of old bachelors, especially those who have estates, and but a moderate degree of understanding. For, an old wealthybachelor, being perpetually surrounded with a set of flatterers, cousins, poor dependents, and would-be heirs, who for their own viewssubmit to his perverseness and caprice, becomes insensibly infected withthis scolding malady, which generally proves incurable, and renders himdisagreeable to his friends, and a fit subject for ridicule to hisenemies. 

As to the incurable scribblers, (of which society I have the honour tobe a member, ) they probably are innumerable; and, of consequence, itwill be absolutely impossible to provide for one-tenth part of theirfraternity. However, as this set of incurables are generally moreplagued with poverty than any other, it will be a double charity toadmit them on the foundation; a charity to the world, to whom they are acommon pest and nuisance; and a charity to themselves, to relieve themfrom want, contempt, kicking, and several other accidents of thatnature, to which they are continually liable. 

Grub-street itself would then have reason to rejoice, to see so many ofits half-starved manufacturers amply provided for; and the whole tribeof meagre incurables would probably shout for joy, at being deliveredfrom the tyranny and garrets of printers, publishers, and booksellers. 

What a mixed multitude of ballad-writers, ode-makers, translators, farce-compounders, opera-mongers, biographers, pamphleteers, andjournalists, would appear crowding to the hospital; not unlike thebrutes resorting to the ark before the deluge! And what an universalsatisfaction would such a sight afford to all, except pastry-cooks, grocers, chandlers, and tobacco-retailers, to whom alone the writings ofthose incurables were anyway profitable!

I have often been amazed to observe, what a variety of incurablecoxcombs are to be met with between St. James's and Limehouse, at everyhour of the day; as numerous as Welsh parsons, and equally contemptible. How they swarm in all coffeehouses, theatres, public walks, and privateassemblies; how they are incessantly employed in cultivating intrigues, and every kind of irrational pleasure; how industrious they seem tomimic the appearance of monkeys, as monkeys are emulous to imitate thegestures of men: And from such observations, I concluded, that toconfine the greatest part of those incurables, who are so many livingburlesques of human nature, would be of eminent service to this nation;and I am persuaded that I am far from being singular in that opinion. 

As for the incurable infidels and liars, I shall range them under thesame article, and would willingly appoint them the same apartment in thehospital; because there is a much nearer resemblance between them, thanis generally imagined. 

Have they not an equal delight in imposing falsities on the public; andseem they not equally desirous to be thought of more sagacity andimportance than others? Do they not both report what both know to befalse; and both confidently assert what they are conscious is mostliable to contradiction?

The parallel might easily be carried on much further, if the intendedshortness of this essay would admit it. However, I cannot forbear takingnotice, with what immense quantities of incurable liars his Majesty'skingdoms are overrun; what offence and prejudice they are to the public;what inconceivable injury to private persons; and what a necessity thereis for an hospital, to relieve the nation from the curse of so manyincurables. 

This distemper appears almost in as many different shapes, as there arepersons afflicted with it; and, in every individual, is always beyondthe power of medicine. 

Some lie for their interest; such as fishmongers, flatterers, pimps, lawyers, fortune-hunters, and fortune-tellers; and others lie for theirentertainment, as maids, wives, widows, and all other tea-tableattendants. 

Some lie out of vanity, as poets, painters, players, fops, militaryofficers, and all those who frequent the levees of the great: and otherslie out of ill nature, as old maids, &c. 

Some lie out of custom, as lovers, coxcombs, footmen, sailors, mechanics, merchants, and chambermaids; and others lie out ofcomplaisance or necessity, as courtiers, chaplains, &c. In short, itwere endless to enumerate them all, but this sketch may be sufficient togive us some small imperfect idea of their numbers. 

As to the remaining incurables, we may reasonably conclude, that theybear at least an equal proportion to those already mentioned; but withregard to the incurable whores in this kingdom, I must particularlyobserve, that such of them as are public, and make it their profession, have proper hospitals for their reception already, if we could findmagistrates without passions, or officers without an incurable itch to abribe. And such of them as are private, and make it their amusement, Ishould be unwilling to disturb, for two reasons. 

First, Because it might probably afflict many noble, wealthy, contented, and unsuspecting husbands, by convincing them of their own dishonour, and the unpardonable disloyalty of their wives: And, secondly, Becauseit will be for ever impossible to confine a woman from being guilty ofany kind of misconduct, when once she is firmly resolved to attempt it. 

From all which observations, every reasonable man must infallibly beconvinced, that an hospital for the support of these different kinds ofincurables, would be extremely beneficial to these kingdoms. I think, therefore, that nothing further is wanting, but to demonstrate to thepublic, that such a Scheme is very practicable; both by having anundoubted method to raise an annual income, at least sufficient to makethe experiment, (which is the way of founding all hospitals, ) and byhaving also a strong probability, that such an hospital would besupported by perpetual benefactions; which, in very few years, mightenable us to increase the number of incurables to nine-tenths more thanwe can reasonably venture on at first. 

 * * * * *

_A Computation of the Daily and Annual Expenses of an Hospital, to beerected for Incurables. _

 Per day. 

 Incurable fools, are almost infinite; however, at first, I would have only twenty thousand admitted; and, allowing to each person but one shilling per day for maintenance, which is as low as possible, the daily expense for this article will be £1000

 Incurable knaves, are, if possible, more numerous, including foreigners, especially Irishmen. Yet I would limit the number of these to about thirty thousand; which would amount to 1500

 Incurable scolds, would be plentifully supplied from almost every family in the kingdom. And indeed, to make this hospital of any real benefit, we cannot admit fewer, even at first, than thirty thousand, including the ladies of Billingsgate and Leadenhall market, which is 1500

 The incurable scribblers, are undoubtedly a very considerable society, and of that denomination I would admit at least forty thousand; because it is to be supposed, that such incurables will be found in greatest distress for a daily maintenance. And if we had not great encouragement to hope, that many of that class would properly be admitted among the incurable fools, I should strenuously intercede to have ten or twenty thousand more added. But their allowed number will amount to 2000

 Incurable coxcombs, are very numerous; and, considering what numbers are annually imported from France and Italy, we cannot admit fewer than ten thousand, which will be 500

 Incurable infidels, (as they affect to be called) should be received into the hospital to the number of ten thousand. However, if it should accidentally happen to grow into a fashion to be believers, it is probable, that the great part of them would, in a very short time, be dismissed from the hospital, as perfectly cured. Their expense would be 500

 Incurable liars, are infinite in all parts of the kingdom; and, making allowance for citizens' wives, mercers, prentices, news-writers, old maids, and flatterers, we cannot possibly allow a smaller number than thirty thousand, which will amount to 1500

 The incurable envious, are in vast quantities throughout this whole nation. Nor can it reasonably be expected that their numbers should lessen, while fame and honours are heaped upon some particular persons, as the public reward of their superior accomplishments, while others, who are equally excellent, in their own opinions, are constrained to live unnoticed and contemned. And, as it would be impossible to provide for all those who are possessed with this distemper, I should consent to admit only twenty thousand at first, by way of experiment, amounting to 1000

 Of the incurable vain, affected, and impertinent, I should at least admit ten thousand; which number I am confident will appear very inconsiderable, if we include all degrees of females, from the duchess to the chambermaid; all poets, who have had a little success, especially in the dramatic way, and all players, who have met with a small degree of approbation. Amounting only to 500

By which plain computation it is evident, that two hundred thousandpersons will be daily provided for, and the allowance for maintainingthis collection of incurables may be seen in the following account. 

 Per day. _For the Incurable_ Fools, being 20, 000 at one shilling each £1000 Knaves 30, 000 ditto 1500 Scolds 30, 000 1500 Scribblers 40, 000 2000 Coxcombs 10, 000 500 Infidels 10, 000 500 Liars 30, 000 1500

 _For the Incurably_ Envious 20, 000 1000 Vain 10, 000 500 _______ ______ Total maintained, 200, 000 Total expense, £10, 000

 M. Th. H. From whence it appears, that the daily expense will amount to such a sum, as in 365 days comes to £3, 650, 000

And I am fully satisfied that a sum, much greater than this, may easilybe raised, with all possible satisfaction to the subject, and withoutinterfering in the least with the revenues of the crown. 

In the first place, a large proportion of this sum might be raised bythe voluntary contribution of the inhabitants. 

The computed number of people in Great Britain is very little less thaneight millions; of which, upon a most moderate computation, we mayaccount one half to be incurables. And as all those differentincurables, whether acting in the capacity of friends, acquaintances, wives, husbands, daughters, counsellors, parents, old maids, or oldbachelors, are inconceivable plagues to all those with whom they happento be concerned; and as there is no hope of being eased of such plagues, except by such an hospital, which by degrees might be enlarged tocontain them all: I think it cannot be doubted, that at least threemillions and an half of people, out of the remaining proportion, wouldbe found both able and desirous to contribute so small a sum as twentyshillings _per annum_, for the quiet of the kingdom, the peace ofprivate families, and the credit of the nation in general. And thiscontribution would amount to very near our requisite sum. 

Nor can this by any means be esteemed a wild conjecture; for where isthere a man of common sense, honesty, or good-nature, who would notgladly propose even a much greater sum to be freed from a scold, aknave, a fool, a liar, a coxcomb conceitedly repeating the compositionsof others, or a vain impertinent poet repeating his own?

In the next place, it may justly be supposed, that many young noblemen, knights, squires, and extravagant heirs, with very large estates, wouldbe confined in our hospital. And I would propose, that the annual incomeof every particular incurable's estate should be appropriated to the useof the house. But, besides these, there will undoubtedly be many oldmisers, aldermen, justices, directors of companies, templars, andmerchants of all kinds, whose personal fortunes are immense, and whoshould proportionably pay to the hospital. 

Yet, lest, by being here misunderstood, I should seem to propose anunjust or oppressive Scheme, I shall further explain my design. 

Suppose, for instance, a young nobleman, possessed of ten or twentythousand pounds _per annum_, should accidentally be confined there as anincurable: I would have only such a proportion of his estate applied tothe support of the hospital, as he himself would spend if he were atliberty. And, after his death, the profits of the estate shouldregularly devolve to the next lawful heir, whether male or female. 

And my reason for this proposal is; because considerable estates, whichprobably would be squandered away among hounds, horses, whores, sharpers, surgeons, tailors, pimps, masquerades, or architects, if leftto the management of such incurables; would, by this means, become ofsome real use, both to the public and themselves. And perhaps this maybe the only method which can be found to make such young spendthrifts ofany real benefit to their country. 

And although the estates of deceased incurables might be permitted todescend to the next heirs, the hospital would probably sustain no greatdisadvantage; because it is very likely that most of these heirs wouldalso gradually be admitted under some denomination or other; andconsequently their estates would again devolve to the use of thehospital. 

As to the wealthy misers, &c. , I would have their private fortunesnicely examined and calculated; because, if they were old bachelors, (asit would frequently happen, ) their whole fortunes should then beappropriated to the endowment; but, if married, I would leave two-thirdsof their fortunes for the support of their families; which familieswould cheerfully consent to give away the remaining third, if not more, to be freed from such peevish and disagreeable governors. 

So that, deducting from the two hundred thousand incurables the fortythousand scribblers, who to be sure would be found in very badcircumstances; I believe, among the remaining hundred and sixty thousandfools, knaves, and coxcombs, so many would be found of large estates andeasy fortunes, as would at least produce two hundred thousand pounds_per annum_. 

As a further addition to our endowment, I would have a tax upon allinscriptions and tombstones, monuments and obelisks, erected to thehonour of the dead, or on porticoes and trophies, to the honour of theliving; because these will naturally and properly come under the articleof lies, pride, vanity, &c. 

And if all inscriptions throughout this kingdom were impartiallyexamined, in order to tax those which should appear demonstrably falseor flattering, I am convinced that not one-fifth part of the numberwould, after such a scrutiny, escape exempted. 

Many an ambitious turbulent spirit would then be found, belied with theopposite title of "lover of his country"; and many a Middlesex justice, as improperly described, "sleeping in hope of salvation. "

Many an usurer, discredited by the appellations of "honest and frugal";and many a lawyer, with the character of conscientious and "equitable. "

Many a British statesman and general, decaying, with more honour thanthey lived; and their dusts distinguished with a better reputation thanwhen they were animated. 

Many dull parsons, improperly styled eloquent; and as many stupidphysicians, improperly styled learned. 

Yet, notwithstanding the extensiveness of a tax upon such monumentalimpositions, I will count only upon twenty thousand, at five pounds_per annum_ each, which will amount to one hundred thousand poundsannually. 

To these annuities, I would also request the Parliament of this nationto allow the benefit of two lotteries yearly; by which the hospitalwould gain two hundred thousand pounds clear. Nor can such a requestseem any way extraordinary, since it would be appropriated to thebenefit of fools and knaves, which is the sole cause of granting one forthis present year. 

In the last place, I would add the estate of Richard Norton, Esq. ;[180]and, to do his memory all possible honour, I would have his statueerected in the very first apartment of the hospital, or in any otherwhich might seem more apt. And, on his monument, I would permit a longinscription, composed by his dearest friends, which should remaintax-free for ever. 

From these several articles, therefore, would annually arise thefollowing sums. 

 M. Th. H. P. Ann. 

 From the voluntary contribution, £3, 500, 000 From the estates of the incurables, 200, 000 By the tax upon tombstones, monuments, &c. (that of Richard Norton, Esq. Always excepted, ) 100, 000 By two annual lotteries, 200, 000 By the estate of Richard Norton, Esq. 6, 000 ---------- Total, £4, 006, 000[181] ---------- And the necessary sum for the hospital being £3, 650, 000 There will remain annually over and above, 356, 000

Which sum of _356, 000l. _ should be applied towards erecting thebuilding, and answer accidental expenses, in such a manner as shouldseem most proper to promote the design of the hospital. But the wholemanagement of it should be left to the skill and discretion of those whoare to be constituted governors. 

It may, indeed, prove a work of some small difficulty to fix upon acommodious place, large enough for a building of this nature. I shouldhave thoughts of attempting to enclose all Yorkshire, if I were notapprehensive that it would be crowded with so many incurable knaves ofits own growth, that there would not be the least room left for thereception of any others; by which accident, our whole project might beretarded for some time. 

Thus have I set this matter in the plainest light I could, that everyone may judge of the necessity, usefulness, and practicableness of thisScheme: and I shall only add a few scattered hints, which, to me, seemnot altogether unprofitable. 

I think the prime minister for the time being ought largely tocontribute to such a foundation; because his high station and meritsmust of necessity infect a great number with envy, hatred, lying, andsuch sort of distempers; and, of consequence, furnish the hospitalannually with many incurables. 

I would desire that the governors appointed to direct this hospital, should have (if such a thing were possible) some appearance of religion, and belief in God; because those who are to be admitted as incurableinfidels, atheists, deists, and freethinkers, most of which tribe areonly so out of pride, conceit, and affectation, might perhaps growgradually into believers, if they perceived it to be the custom of theplace where they lived. 

Although it be not customary for the natives of Ireland to meet with anymanner of promotion in this kingdom, I would, in this respect, have thatnational prejudice entirely laid aside; and request, that, for thereputation of both kingdoms, a _large_ apartment in the hospital may befitted up for Irishmen particularly, who, either by knavery, lewdness, or fortune-hunting, should appear qualified for admittance; becausetheir numbers would certainly be very considerable. 

I would further request, that a father, who seems delighted at seeinghis son metamorphosed into a fop, or a coxcomb, because he hathtravelled from London to Paris; may be sent along with the younggentleman to the hospital, as an old fool, absolutely incurable. 

If a poet hath luckily produced anything, especially in the dramaticway, which is tolerably well received by the public, he should be sentimmediately to the hospital; because incurable vanity is always theconsequence of a little success. And, if his compositions be illreceived, let him be admitted as a scribbler. 

And I hope, in regard to the great pains I have taken, about thisScheme, that I shall be admitted upon the foundation, as one of thescribbling incurables. But, as an additional favour, I entreat, that Imay not be placed in an apartment with a poet who hath employed hisgenius for the stage; because he will kill me with repeating his owncompositions: and I need not acquaint the world, that it is extremelypainful to bear any nonsense--except our own. 

My private reason for soliciting so early to be admitted is, because itis observed that schemers and projectors are generally reduced tobeggary; but, by my being provided for in the hospital, either as anincurable fool or a scribbler, that discouraging observation will foronce be publicly disproved, and my brethren in that way will be secureof a public reward for their labours. 

It gives me, I own, a great degree of happiness, to reflect, thatalthough in this short treatise the characters of many thousands arecontained, among the vast variety of incurables; yet, not any one personis likely to be offended; because, it is natural to apply ridiculouscharacters to all the world, except ourselves. And I dare be bold tosay, that the most incurable fool, knave, scold, coxcomb, scribbler, orliar, in this whole nation, will sooner enumerate the circle of theiracquaintance as addicted to those distempers, than once imagine_themselves_ any way qualified for such an hospital. 

I hope, indeed, that our wise legislature will take this project intotheir serious consideration; and promote an endowment, which will be ofsuch eminent service to multitudes of his Majesty's unprofitablesubjects, and may in time be of use to _themselves_ and their posterity. 

 * * * * *

 From my Garret in Moorfields, Aug. 20, 1733. 

TO THE HONOURABLE

HOUSE OF COMMONS, &c. 

_The Humble Petition of the Footmen in and about the City of Dublin. _

 NOTE. 

 Swift may have written the following mock petition by way of satire against the many absurd petitions which were presented at the time to the Irish House of Commons, and of which two examples were quoted in the note to a previous tract. If coal-porters and hackney-coachmen might address the Honourable House, why not footmen?

 * * * * *

 The present text is based on that found at the end of Swift's "Serious and Useful Scheme to make an Hospital for Incurables, " issued by George Faulkner in 1733. Faulkner reprinted this volume in 1734. 

 [T. S. ]

TO THE HONOURABLE HOUSE OF COMMONS, &c. 

_The Humble Petition of the Footmen in and about the City of Dublin. _

_Humbly Sheweth_, That your Petitioners are a great and numerous society, endowed withseveral privileges, time out of mind. 

That certain lewd, idle, and disorderly persons, for several monthspast, as it is notoriously known, have been daily seen in the publicwalks of this City, habited sometimes in green coats, and sometimes inlaced, with long oaken cudgels in their hands, and without swords, inhopes to procure favour, by that advantage, with a great number ofladies who frequent those walks, pretending and giving themselves out tobe true genuine Irish footmen. Whereas they can be proved to be nobetter than common toupees, [182] as a judicious eye may soon discover bytheir awkward, clumsy, ungenteel gait and behaviour, by theirunskilfulness in dress, even with the advantage of wearing our habits, by their ill-favoured countenances, with an air of impudence and dulnesspeculiar to the rest of their brethren; who have not yet arrived at thattranscendent pitch of assurance. Although, it may be justly apprehended, that they will do so in time, if these counterfeits shall happen tosucceed in their evil design, of passing for real footmen, thereby torender themselves more amiable to the ladies. 

Your petitioners do further allege, that many of the said counterfeits, upon a strict examination, have been found in the very act of strutting, swearing, staring, swaggering, in a manner that plainly shewed theirbest endeavours to imitate us. Wherein, although they did not succeed, yet by their ignorant and ungainly way of copying our graces, the utmostindignity was endeavoured to be cast upon our whole profession. 

Your Petitioners do therefore make it their humble request, that thisHonourable House, (to many of whom your Petitioners are nearly allied)will please to take this grievance into your most serious consideration:Humbly submitting, whether it would not be proper, that certain officersmight, at the public charge, be employed to search for, and discover allsuch counterfeit footmen, and carry them before the next Justice ofPeace; by whose warrant, upon the first conviction, they should bestripped of their coats, and oaken ornaments, and be set two hours inthe stocks. Upon the second conviction, besides stripping, be set sixhours in the stocks, with a paper pinned on their breast signifyingtheir crime, in large capital letters, and in the following words. "A. B. Commonly called A. B. Esq. ; a toupee, and a notorious impostor, whopresumed to personate a true Irish footman. "

And for any further offence the said toupee shall be committed toBridewell, whipped three times, forced to hard labour for a month, andnot be set at liberty, till he shall have given sufficient security forhis good behaviour. 

Your Honours will please to observe with what lenity we propose to treatthese enormous offenders, who have already brought such a scandal on ourhonourable calling, that several well-meaning people have mistaken themto be of our Fraternity; in diminution to that credit and dignitywherewith we have supported our station, as we always did, in the _worstof times_. [183] And we further beg leave to remark, that this wasmanifestly done with a seditious design, to render us less capable ofserving the public in any great employments, as several of ourFraternity, as well as our ancestors have done. 

We do therefore humbly implore your Honours, to give necessary ordersfor our relief, in this present exigency, and your Petitioners (as induty bound) shall ever pray, &c. 

 Dublin, 1733. 

ADVICE

TO THE

FREEMEN OF THE CITY OF DUBLIN, IN THE CHOICE OF A MEMBER TO REPRESENT THEM IN PARLIAMENT. 

WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1733. 

 NOTE. 

 Swift here argues that a holder of an office under the government cannot, of necessity, be an honest representative of the people. There were two candidates before the freemen for the suffrages of the City, one, Lord Mayor French, and the other Mr. John Macarrell. The latter was an office-holder; he was Register to the Barracks, and received his salary from the government. It was not to be expected that he would vote against his employer, be he never so honest a man. Swift openly informs the freemen that the Drapier is against this man. The Lord Mayor was elected. 

 * * * * *

 The text of this "Advice" is based on that given in the eighth volume of Swift's Collected Works, issued in 1746. The Forster Collection contains a made-up booklet of pp. 196-205, taken from a volume of one of the collected editions. 

 [T. S. ]

ADVICE TO THE FREEMEN OF THE CITY OF DUBLIN, IN THE CHOICE OF A MEMBERTO REPRESENT THEM IN PARLIAMENT. 

Those few writers, who, since the death of Alderman Burton, haveemployed their pens in giving advice to our citizens, how they shouldproceed in electing a new representative for the next sessions, havinglaid aside their pens, I have reason to hope, that all true lovers oftheir country in general, and particularly those who have any regard forthe privileges and liberties of this great and ancient city, will thinka second, and a third time, before they come to a final determinationupon what person they resolve to fix their choice. 

I am told, there are only two persons who set up for candidates; one isthe present Lord Mayor, [184] and the other, a gentleman of good esteem, an alderman of the city, a merchant of reputation, and possessed of aconsiderable office under the crown. [185] The question is, which ofthese two persons it will be most for the advantage of the city toelect? I have but little acquaintance with either, so that my inquirieswill be very impartial, and drawn only from the general character andsituation of both. 

In order to this, I must offer my countrymen and fellow-citizens somereasons why I think they ought to be more than ordinarily careful, atthis juncture, upon whom they bestow their votes. 

To perform this with more clearness, it may be proper to give you ashort state of our unfortunate country. 

We consist of two parties: I do not mean Popish and Protestant, High andLow Church, Episcopal and Sectarians, Whig and Tory; but of theseEnglish who happen to be born in this kingdom, (whose ancestors reducedthe whole nation under the obedience of the English crown, ) and thegentlemen sent from the other side to possess most of the chiefemployments here. This latter party is very much enlarged andstrengthened by the whole power in the church, the law, the army, therevenue, and the civil administration deposited in their hands;although, out of political ends, and to save appearances, someemployments are still deposited (yet gradually in a smaller number) topersons born here; this proceeding, fortified with good words and manypromises, is sufficient to flatter and feed the hopes of hundreds, whowill never be one farthing the better, as they might easily beconvinced, if they were qualified to think at all. 

Civil employments of all kinds have been for several years past, withgreat prudence, made precarious, and during pleasure; by which means thepossessors are, and must inevitably be, for ever dependent; yet thosevery few of any consequence, which are dealt with so sparing a hand topersons born among us, are enough to keep hope alive in great numbers, who desire to mend their condition by the favour of those in power. 

Now, my dear fellow-citizens, how is it possible you can conceive, thatany person, who holds an office of some hundred pounds a year, which maybe taken from him whenever power shall think fit, will, if he should bechosen a member for any city, do the least thing, when he sits in thehouse, that he knows or fears may be displeasing to those who gave himor continue him in that office? Believe me, these are no times to expectsuch an exalted degree of virtue from mortal men. Blazing stars are muchmore frequently seen than such heroical worthies. And I could soonerhope to find ten thousand pounds by digging in my garden, than such aphoenix, by searching among the present race of mankind. 

I cannot forbear thinking it a very erroneous, as well as modern maximof politics, in the English nation, to take every opportunity ofdepressing Ireland; whereof an hundred instances may be produced inpoints of the highest importance, and within the memory of everymiddle-aged man; although many of the greatest persons among that partywhich now prevails, have formerly, upon that article, much differed intheir opinion from their present successors. 

But so the fact stands at present. It is plain that the court andcountry party here, (I mean in the House of Commons, ) very seldom agreein anything but their loyalty to his present Majesty, their resolutionsto make him and his viceroy easy in the government, to the utmost oftheir power, under the present condition of the kingdom. But the personssent from England, who (to a trifle) are possessed of the sole executivepower in all its branches, with their few adherents in possession whowere born here, and hundreds of expectants, hopers, and promissees, puton quite contrary notions with regard to Ireland. They count upon auniversal submission to whatever shall be demanded; wherein they actsafely, because none of themselves, except the candidates, feel theleast of our pressures. 

I remember a person of distinction some days ago affirmed in a good dealof mixed company, and of both parties, that the gentry from England, whonow enjoy our highest employments of all kinds, can never be possiblylosers of one farthing by the greatest calamities that can befall thiskingdom, except a plague that would sweep away a million of our hewersof wood and drawers of water, or an invasion that would fright ourgrandees out of the kingdom. For this person argued, that while therewas a penny left in the treasury, the civil and military list must bepaid; and that the Episcopal revenues, which are usually farmed out atsix times below the real value, could hardly fail. He insisted farther, that as money diminished, the price of all necessaries for life must ofconsequence do so too, which would be for the advantage of all personsin employment, as well as of my lords the bishops, and to the ruin ofeverybody else. Among the company there wanted not men in office, besides one or two expectants; yet I did not observe any of themdisposed to return an answer; but the consequences drawn were these:That the great men in power sent hither from the other side, were by nomeans upon the same foot with his Majesty's other subjects of Ireland;they had no common ligament to bind them with us; they suffered not withour sufferings; and if it were possible for us to have any cause ofrejoicing, they could not rejoice with us. 

Suppose a person, born in this kingdom, shall happen by his services forthe English interest to have an employment conferred on him worth fourhundred pounds a year; and that he hath likewise an estate in land worthfour hundred pounds a year more; suppose him to sit in Parliament; then, suppose a land-tax to be brought in of five shillings a pound for tenyears; I tell you how this gentleman will compute. He hath four hundredpounds a year in land: the tax he must pay yearly is one hundred pounds;by which, in ten years, he will pay only a thousand pounds. But if hegives his vote against this tax, he will lose four thousand pounds bybeing turned out of his employment, together with the power andinfluence he hath, by virtue or colour of his employment; and thus thebalance will be against him three thousand pounds. 

I desire, my fellow-citizens, you will please to call to mind how manypersons you can vouch for among your acquaintance, who have so muchvirtue and self-denial as to lose four hundred pounds a year for life, together with the smiles and favour of power, and the hopes of higheradvancement, merely out of a generous love of his country. 

The contentions of parties in England are very different from thoseamong us. The battle there is fought for power and riches; and so it isindeed among us: but whether a great employment be given to Tom or toPeter, they were both born in England, the profits are to be spentthere. All employments (except a very few) are bestowed on the natives;they do not send to Germany, Holland, Sweden, or Denmark, much less toIreland, for chancellors, bishops, judges, or other officers. Theirsalaries, whether well or ill got, are employed at home: and whatevertheir morals or politics be, the nation is not the poorer. 

The House of Commons in England have frequently endeavoured to limit thenumber of members, who should be allowed to have employments under theCrown. Several acts have been made to that purpose, which many wise menthink are not yet effectual enough, and many of them are renderedineffectual by leaving the power of re-election. Our House of Commonsconsists, I think, of about three hundred members; if one hundred ofthese should happen to be made up of persons already provided for, joined with expecters, compliers easy to be persuaded, such as will givea vote for a friend who is in hopes to get something; if they be merrycompanions, without suspicion, of a natural bashfulness, not apt or ableto look forwards; if good words, smiles, and caresses, have any powerover them, the larger part of a second hundred may be very easilybrought in at a most reasonable rate. 

There is an Englishman[186] of no long standing among us, but in anemployment of great trust, power, and profit. This excellent person didlately publish, at his own expense, a pamphlet printed in England byauthority, to justify the bill for a general excise or inland duty, inorder to introduce that blessed scheme among us. What a tender care mustsuch an English patriot for Ireland have of our interest, if he shouldcondescend to sit in our Parliament! I will bridle my indignation. However, methinks I long to see that mortal, who would with pleasureblow us all up at a blast: but he duly receives his thousand pounds ayear; makes his progresses like a king; is received in pomp at everytown and village where he travels, [187] and shines in the Englishnewspapers. 

I will now apply what I have said to you, my brethren andfellow-citizens. Count upon it, as a truth next to your creed, that noone person in office, of which he is not master for life, whether bornhere or in England, will ever hazard that office for the good of thiscountry. One of your candidates is of this kind, and I believe him to bean honest gentleman, as the word honest is generally understood. But heloves his employment better than he doth you, or his country, or all thecountries upon earth. Will you contribute and give him city security topay him the value of his employment, if it should be taken from him, during his life, for voting on all occasions with the honest countryparty in the House?--although I must question, whether he would do iteven upon that condition. 

Wherefore, since there are but two candidates, I entreat you will fix onthe present Lord Mayor. He hath shewn more virtue, more activity, moreskill, in one year's government of the city, than a hundred years canequal. He hath endeavoured, with great success, to banish frauds, corruptions, and all other abuses from amongst you. 

A dozen such men in power would be able to reform a kingdom. He hath noemployment under the Crown; nor is likely to get or solicit for any: hiseducation having not turned him that way. I will assure for no man'sfuture conduct; but he who hath hitherto practised the rules of virtuewith so much difficulty in so great and busy a station, deserves yourthanks, and the best return you can make him; and you, my brethren, haveno other to give him, than that of representing you in Parliament. Tellme not of your engagements and promises to another: your promises weresins of inconsideration, at best; and you are bound to repent and annulthem. That gentleman, although with good reputation, is already engagedon the other side. He hath four hundred pounds a year under the Crown, which he is too wise to part with, by sacrificing so good anestablishment to the empty names of virtue, and love of his country. Ican assure you, the DRAPIER is in the interest of the presentLord Mayor, whatever you may be told to the contrary. I have latelyheard him declare so in public company, and offer some of these veryreasons in defence of his opinion; although he hath a regard and esteemfor the other gentleman, but would not hazard the good of the city andthe kingdom for a compliment. 

The Lord Mayor's severity to some unfair dealers, should not turn thehonest men among them against him. Whatever he did, was for theadvantage of those very traders, whose dishonest members he punished. Hehath hitherto been above temptation to act wrong; and therefore, asmankind goes, he is the most likely to act right as a representative ofyour city, as he constantly did in the government of it. 

SOME

CONSIDERATIONS

HUMBLY OFFERED TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE THE LORD MAYOR, THE COURT OFALDERMEN, AND COMMON-COUNCIL OF THE HONOURABLE CITY OF DUBLIN, IN THE

CHOICE OF A RECORDER. 

1733. 

SOME CONSIDERATIONS IN THE CHOICE OF A RECORDER. 

The office of Recorder to this city being vacant by the death of a veryworthy gentleman, [188] it is said, that five or six persons aresoliciting to succeed him in the employment. I am a stranger to alltheir persons, and to most of their characters; which latter, I hope, will at this time be canvassed with more decency than it sometimeshappeneth upon the like occasions. Therefore, as I am wholly impartial, I can with more freedom deliver my thoughts how the several persons andparties concerned ought to proceed in electing a Recorder for this greatand ancient city. 

And first, as it is a very natural, so I can by no means think it anunreasonable opinion, that the sons or near relations of Aldermen, andother deserving citizens, should be duly regarded as proper competitorsfor an employment in the city's disposal, provided they be equallyqualified with other candidates; and provided that such employmentsrequire no more than common abilities, and common honesty. But in thechoice of a Recorder, the case is entirely different. He ought to be aperson of good abilities in his calling; of an unspotted character; anable practitioner; one who hath occasionally merited of this citybefore; he ought to be of some maturity in years; a member ofParliament, and likely to continue so; regular in his life; firm in hisloyalty to the Hanover succession; indulgent to tender consciences; but, at the same time, a firm adherer to the established church. If he besuch a one who hath already sat in Parliament, it ought to be inquiredof what weight he was there; whether he voted on all occasions for thegood of his country; and particularly for advancing the trade andfreedom of this city; whether he be engaged in any faction, eithernational or religious; and, lastly, whether he be a man of courage, notto be drawn from his duty by the frown or menaces of power, nor capableto be corrupted by allurements or bribes. --These, and many otherparticulars, are of infinitely more consequence, than that singlecircumstance of being descended by a direct or collateral line from anyAlderman, or distinguished citizen, dead or alive. 

There is not a dealer or shopkeeper in this city, of any substance, whose thriving, less or more, may not depend upon the good or illconduct of a Recorder. He is to watch every motion in Parliament thatmay the least affect the freedom, trade, or welfare of it. 

In this approaching election, the commons, as they are a numerous body, so they seem to be most concerned in point of interest; and theirinterest ought to be most regarded, because it altogether dependeth uponthe true interest of the city. They have no private views; and givingtheir votes, as I am informed, by balloting, they lie under no awe, orfear of disobliging competitors. It is therefore hoped that they willduly consider, which of the candidates is most likely to advance thetrade of themselves and their brother-citizens; to defend theirliberties, both in and out of Parliament, against all attempts ofencroachment or oppression. And so God direct them in the choice of aRecorder, who may for many years supply that important office withskill, diligence, courage, and fidelity. And let all the people say, Amen. 

A PROPOSAL

FOR GIVING

BADGES TO THE BEGGARS IN ALL THE PARISHES OF DUBLIN. 

 NOTE. 

 The "badging" of beggars was a favourite scheme of Swift's for the better regulation of the many who infested the city of Dublin as tramps and idlers. While many of these were really deserving persons, there were a great many also who made the business of begging a profession. Eleven years before this tract was printed Swift wrote to Archbishop King on the same subject, as will be seen from the letter quoted in the note on pages 326-327. 

 * * * * *

 The present text is based on the original edition of 1737 collated with that given by Sir Walter Scott. 

 [T. S. ]

A

PROPOSAL

FOR GIVING

BADGES

TO THE

BEGGARS

IN ALL THE

PARISHES of _DUBLIN_. 

BY THE

DEAN of St. _PATRICK's_

 * * * * *

_LONDON_, Printed for T. COOPER at the _Globe_ in _Pater Noster Row_. 

MDCCXXXVII. 

Price Six Pence. 

It hath been a general complaint, that the poor-house, especially sincethe new Constitution by Act of Parliament, hath been of no benefit tothis city, for the ease of which it was wholly intended. I had thehonour to be a member of it many years before it was new modelled by thelegislature, not from any personal regard, but merely as one of the twodeans, who are of course put into most commissions that relate to thecity; and I have likewise the honour to have been left out of severalcommissions upon the score of party, in which my predecessors, time outof mind, have always been members. 

The first commission was made up of about fifty persons, which were theLord Mayor, Aldermen, and Sheriffs, and some few other citizens; theJudges, the two Archbishops, the two Deans of the city, and one or twomore gentlemen. And I must confess my opinion, that the dissolving theold commission, and establishing a new one of nearly three times thenumber, have been the great cause of rendering so good a design not onlyuseless, but a grievance instead of a benefit to the city. In thepresent commission all the city clergy are included, besides a greatnumber of 'squires, not only those who reside in Dublin, and theneighbourhood, but several who live at a great distance, and cannotpossibly have the least concern for the advantage of the city. 

At the few general meetings that I have attended since the newEstablishment, I observed very little was done, except one or two Actsof extreme justice, which I then thought might as well have beenspared: and I have found the Court of Assistants usually taken up inlittle brangles about coachmen, or adjusting accounts of meal and smallbeer; which, however necessary, might sometimes have given place tomatters of much greater moment, I mean some schemes recommended to theGeneral Board, for answering the chief ends in erecting and establishingsuch a poor-house, and endowing it with so considerable a revenue: andthe principal end I take to have been that of maintaining the poor andorphans of the city, where the parishes are not able to do it; andclearing the streets from all strollers, foreigners, and sturdy beggars, with which, to the universal complaint and admiration, Dublin is moreinfested since the Establishment of the poor-house, than it was everknown to be since its first erection. 

As the whole fund for supporting this hospital is raised only from theinhabitants of the city, so there can be hardly any thing more absurd, than to see it mis-employed in maintaining foreign beggars and bastards, or orphans, whose country landlords never contributed one shillingtowards their support. I would engage, that half this revenue, ifemployed with common care, and no very great degree of common honesty, would maintain all the real objects of charity in this city, except asmall number of original poor in every parish, who might, without beingburthensome to the parishioners, find a tolerable support. 

I have for some years past applied myself to several Lord Mayors, and tothe late Archbishop of Dublin[189], for a remedy to this evil of foreignbeggars; and they all appeared ready to receive a very plain proposal, Imean, that of badging the original poor of every parish, who begged inthe streets;[190] that the said beggars should be confined to their ownparishes; that, they should wear their badges well sewn upon one oftheir shoulders, always visible, on pain of being whipped and turned outof town; or whatever legal punishment may be thought proper andeffectual. But, by the wrong way of thinking in some clergymen, and theindifference of others, this method was perpetually defeated, to theirown continual disquiet, which they do not ill deserve; and if thegrievance affected only them, it would be of less consequence, becausethe remedy is in their own power. But all street-walkers, andshopkeepers bear an equal share in this hourly vexation. 

I never heard more than one objection against this expedient of badgingthe poor, and confining their walks to their several parishes. Theobjection was this: What shall we do with the foreign beggars? Must theybe left to starve? I answered, No; but they must be driven or whippedout of town; and let the next country parish do as they please; orrather after the practice in England, send them from one parish toanother, until they reach their own homes. By the old laws of Englandstill in force, and I presume by those of Ireland, every parish is boundto maintain its own poor; and the matter is of no such consequence inthis point as some would make it, whether a country parish be rich orpoor. In the remoter and poorer parishes of the kingdom, all necessariesfor life proper for poor people are comparatively cheaper; I meanbutter-milk, oatmeal, potatoes, and other vegetables; and every farmeror cottager, who is not himself a beggar, can sometimes spare a sup or amorsel, not worth the fourth part of a farthing, to an indigentneighbour of his own parish, who is disabled from work. A beggar nativeof the parish is known to the 'squire, to the church minister, to thepopish priest, or the conventicle teachers, as well as to every farmer:he hath generally some relations able to live, and contribute somethingto his maintenance. None of which advantages can be reasonably expectedon a removal to places where he is altogether unknown. If he be notquite maimed, he and his trull, and litter of brats (if he hath any) mayget half their support by doing some kind of work in their power, andthereby be less burthensome to the people. In short, all necessaries oflife grow in the country, and not in cities, and are cheaper where theygrow; nor is it equal, that beggars should put us to the charge ofgiving them victuals, and the carriage too. 

But, when the spirit of wandering takes him, attended by his female, andtheir equipage of children, he becomes a nuisance to the whole country:he and his female are thieves, and teach the trade of stealing to theirbrood at four years old; and if his infirmities be counterfeit, it isdangerous for a single person unarmed to meet him on the road. Hewanders from one county to another, but still with a view to this town, whither he arrives at last, and enjoys all the privileges of a Dublinbeggar. 

I do not wonder that the country 'squires should be very willing to sendup their colonies; but why the city should be content to receive them, is beyond my imagination. 

If the city were obliged by their charter to maintain a thousandbeggars, they could do it cheaper by eighty _per cent. _ a hundred milesoff, than in this town, or any of its suburbs. 

There is no village in Connaught, that in proportion shares so deeply inthe daily increasing miseries of Ireland, as its capital city; to whichmiseries there hardly remained any addition, except the perpetual swarmsof foreign beggars, who might be banished in a month without expense, and with very little trouble. 

As I am personally acquainted with a great number of street beggars, Ifind some weak attempts to have been made in one or two parishes topromote the wearing of badges; and my first question to those who ask analms, is, _Where is your badge?_ I have in several years met with abouta dozen who were ready to produce them, some out of their pockets, others from under their coat, and two or three on their shoulders, onlycovered with a sort of capes which they could lift up or let down uponoccasion. They are too lazy to work, they are not afraid to steal, norashamed to beg; and yet are too proud to be seen with a badge, as manyof them have confessed to me, and not a few in very injurious terms, particularly the females. They all look upon such an obligation as ahigh indignity done to their office. I appeal to all indifferent people, whether such wretches deserve to be relieved. As to myself, I mustconfess, this absurd insolence hath so affected me, that for severalyears past, I have not disposed of one single farthing to a streetbeggar, nor intend to do so, until I see a better regulation; and I haveendeavoured to persuade all my brother-walkers to follow my example, which most of them assure me they do. For, if beggary be not able tobeat out pride, it cannot deserve charity. However, as to persons incoaches and chairs, they bear but little of the persecution we suffer, and are willing to leave it entirely upon us. 

To say the truth, there is not a more undeserving vicious race of humankind than the bulk of those who are reduced to beggary, even in thisbeggarly country. For, as a great part of our publick miseries isoriginally owing to our own faults (but, what those faults are I amgrown by experience too wary to mention) so I am confident, that amongthe meaner people, nineteen in twenty of those who are reduced to astarving condition, did not become so by what lawyers call the work ofGOD, either upon their bodies or goods; but merely from theirown idleness, attended with all manner of vices, particularlydrunkenness, thievery, and cheating. 

Whoever enquires, as I have frequently done, from those who have askedme an alms; what was their former course of life, will find them to havebeen servants in good families, broken tradesmen, labourers, cottagers, and what they call decayed house-keepers; but (to use their own cant)reduced by losses and crosses, by which nothing can be understood butidleness and vice. 

As this is the only Christian country where people contrary to the oldmaxim, are the poverty and not the riches of the nation, so, theblessing of increase and multiply is by us converted into a curse; and, as marriage hath been ever countenanced in all free countries, so weshould be less miserable if it were discouraged in ours, as far as canbe consistent with Christianity. It is seldom known in England, that thelabourer, the lower mechanick, the servant, or the cottager thinks ofmarrying until he hath saved up a stock of money sufficient to carry onhis business; nor takes a wife without a suitable portion; and as seldomfails of making a yearly addition to that stock, with a view ofproviding for his children. But, in this kingdom, the case is directlycontrary, where many thousand couples are yearly married, whose wholeunited fortunes, bating the rags on their backs, would not be sufficientto purchase a pint of butter-milk for their wedding supper, nor have anyprospect of supporting their _honourable state_, but by service, orlabour, or thievery. Nay, their _happiness_ is often deferred until theyfind credit to borrow, or cunning to steal a shilling to pay theirPopish priest, or infamous couple-beggar. Surely no miraculous portionof wisdom would be required to find some kind of remedy against thisdestructive evil, or at least, not to draw the consequences of it uponour decaying city; the greatest part whereof must of course in a fewyears become desolate, or in ruins. 

In all other nations, that are not absolutely barbarous, parents thinkthemselves bound by the law of nature and reason to make some provisionfor their children; but the reasons offered by the inhabitants ofIreland for marrying is, that they may have children to maintain themwhen they grow old and unable to work. 

I am informed that we have been for some time past extremely obliged toEngland for one very beneficial branch of commerce: for, it seems theyare grown so gracious as to transmit us continually colonies of beggars, in return of a million of money they receive yearly from hence. That Imay give no offence, I profess to mean real English beggars in theliteral meaning of the word, as it is usually understood by protestants. It seems, the Justices of the Peace and parish officers in the westerncoasts of England, have a good while followed the trade of exportinghither their supernumerary beggars, in order to advance the EnglishProtestant interest among us; and, these they are so kind to send over_gratis_, and duty free. I have had the honour more than once to attendlarge cargoes of them from Chester to Dublin: and I was then so ignorantas to give my opinion, that our city should receive them into_bridewell_, and after a month's residence, having been well whippedtwice a day, fed with bran and water, and put to hard labour, theyshould be returned honestly back with thanks as cheap as they came: or, if that were not approved of, I proposed, that whereas one English manis allowed to be of equal intrinsic value with twelve born in Ireland, we should in justice return them a dozen for one, to dispose of as theypleased. But to return. 

As to the native poor of this city, there would be little or no damagein confining them to their several parishes. For instance; a beggar ofthe parish of St. Warborough's, [191] or any other parish here, if he bean object of compassion, hath an equal chance to receive his proportionof alms from every charitable hand; because the inhabitants, one orother, walk through every street in town, and give their alms, withoutconsidering the place, wherever they think it may be well disposed of:and these helps, added to what they get in eatables by going from houseto house among the gentry and citizens, will, without being veryburthensome, be sufficient to keep them alive. 

It is true, the poor of the suburb parishes will not have altogether thesame advantage, because they are not equally in the road of business andpassengers: but here it is to be considered, that the beggars there havenot so good a title to publick charity, because most of them arestrollers from the country, and compose a principal part of that greatnuisance, which we ought to remove. 

I should be apt to think, that few things can be more irksome to a cityminister, than a number of beggars which do not belong to his district, whom he hath no obligation to take care of, who are no part of hisflock, and who take the bread out of the mouths of those, to whom itproperly belongs. When I mention this abuse to any minister of acity-parish, he usually lays the fault upon the beadles, who he says arebribed by the foreign beggars; and, as those beadles often keepale-houses, they find their account in such customers. This evil mighteasily be remedied, if the parishes would make some small addition tothe salaries of a beadle, and be more careful in the choice of thoseofficers. But, I conceive there is one effectual method, in the power ofevery minister to put in practice; I mean, by making it the interest ofall his own original poor, to drive out intruders: for, if theparish-beggars were absolutely forbidden by the minister andchurch-officers, to suffer strollers to come into the parish, upon painof themselves not being permitted to beg alms at the church-doors, or atthe houses and shops of the inhabitants; they would prevent interlopersmore effectually than twenty beadles. 

And, here I cannot but take notice of the great indiscretion in ourcity-shopkeepers, who suffer their doors to be daily besieged by crowdsof beggars, (as the gates of a lord are by duns, ) to the great disgustand vexation of many customers, whom I have frequently observed to go toother shops, rather than suffer such a persecution; which might easilybe avoided, if no foreign beggars were allowed to infest them. 

Wherefore, I do assert, that the shopkeepers, who are the greatestcomplainers of this grievance, lamenting that for every customer, theyare worried by fifty beggars, do very well deserve what they suffer, when a 'prentice with a horse-whip is able to lash every beggar from theshop, who is not of the parish, and does not wear the badge of thatparish on his shoulder, well fastened and fairly visible; and if thispractice were universal in every house to all the sturdy vagrants, weshould in a few weeks clear the town of all mendicants, except those whohave a proper title to our charity: as for the aged and infirm, it wouldbe sufficient to give them nothing, and then they must starve or followtheir brethren. 

It was the city that first endowed this hospital, and those whoafterwards contributed, as they were such who generally inhabited here;so they intended what they gave to be for the use of the city's poor. The revenues which have since been raised by parliament, are wholly paidby the city, without the least charge upon any other part of thekingdom; and therefore nothing could more defeat the original design, than to misapply those revenues on strolling beggars, or bastards fromthe country, which bear no share in the charges we are at. 

If some of the out-parishes be overburthened with poor, the reason mustbe, that the greatest part of those poor are strollers from the country, who nestle themselves where they can find the cheapest lodgings, andfrom thence infest every part of the town, out of which they ought to bewhipped as a most insufferable nuisance, being nothing else but aprofligate clan of thieves, drunkards, heathens, and whore-mongers, fitter to be rooted out of the face of the earth, than suffered to levya vast annual tax upon the city, which shares too deep in the publicmiseries, brought on us by the oppressions we lye under from ourneighbours, our brethren, our countrymen, our fellow protestants, andfellow subjects. 

Some time ago I was appointed one of a committee to inquire into thestate of the workhouse; where we found that a charity was bestowed by agreat person for a certain time, which in its consequences operatedvery much to the detriment of the house: for, when the time was elapsed, all those who were supported by that charity, continued on the same footwith the rest of the foundation; and being generally a pack ofprofligate vagabond wretches from several parts of the kingdom, corrupted all the rest; so partial, or treacherous, or interested, orignorant, or mistaken are generally all recommenders, not only toemployments, but even to charity itself. 

I know it is complained, that the difficulty of driving foreign beggarsout of the city is charged upon the _bellowers_ (as they are called) whofind their accounts best in suffering those vagrants to follow theirtrade through every part of the town. But this abuse might easily beremedied, and very much to the advantage of the whole city, if bettersalaries were given to those who execute that office in the severalparishes, and would make it their interest to clear the town of thosecaterpillars, rather than hazard the loss of an employment that wouldgive them an honest livelyhood. But, if that would fail, yet a generalresolution of never giving charity to a street beggar out of his ownparish, or without a visible badge, would infallibly force all vagrantsto depart. 

There is generally a vagabond spirit in beggars, which ought to bediscouraged and severely punished. It is owing to the same causes thatdrove them into poverty; I mean, idleness, drunkenness, and rashmarriages without the least prospect of supporting a family by honestendeavours, which never came into their thoughts. It is observed, thathardly one beggar in twenty looks upon himself to be relieved byreceiving bread or other food; and they have in this town beenfrequently seen to pour out of their pitcher good broth that hath beengiven them, into the kennel; neither do they much regard clothes, unlessto sell them; for their rags are part of their tools with which theywork: they want only ale, brandy, and other strong liquors, which cannotbe had without money; and, money as they conceive, always abounds in themetropolis. 

I had some other thoughts to offer upon this subject. But, as I am adesponder in my nature, and have tolerably well discovered thedisposition of our people, who never will move a step towards easingthemselves from any one single grievance; it will be thought, that Ihave already said too much, and to little or no purpose; which hathoften been the fate, or fortune of the writer, J. SWIFT. 

 April 22, 1737. 

CONSIDERATIONS

ABOUT MAINTAINING THE POOR. 

 NOTE. 

 The text of this short paper is taken from Deane Swift's edition, which was followed by Sir Walter Scott. 

 [T. S. ]

CONSIDERATIONS ABOUT MAINTAINING THE POOR. 

We have been amused, for at least thirty years past, with numberlessschemes, in writing and discourse, both in and out of Parliament, formaintaining the poor, and setting them to work, especially in this city:most of which were idle, indigested, or visionary; and all of themineffectual, as it has plainly appeared by the consequences. Many ofthose projectors were so stupid, that they drew a parallel from Hollandto England, to be settled in Ireland; that is to say, from two countrieswith full freedom and encouragement for trade, to a third where all kindof trade is cramped, and the most beneficial parts are entirely takenaway. But the perpetual infelicity of false and foolish reasoning, aswell as proceeding and acting upon it, seems to be fatal to thiscountry. 

For my own part, who have much conversed with those folks who callthemselves merchants, I do not remember to have met with a more ignorantand wrong-thinking race of people in the very first rudiments of trade;which, however, was not so much owing to their want of capacity, as tothe crazy constitution of this kingdom, where pedlars are betterqualified to thrive than the wisest merchants. I could fill a volumewith only setting down a list of the public absurdities, by which thiskingdom has suffered within the compass of my own memory, such as couldnot be believed of any nation, among whom folly was not established as alaw. I cannot forbear instancing a few of these, because it may be ofsome use to those who shall have it in their power to be more cautiousfor the future. 

The first was, the building of the barracks; whereof I have seen aboveone-half, and have heard enough of the rest, to affirm that the publichas been cheated of at least two-thirds of the money raised for thatuse, by the plain fraud of the undertakers. 

Another was the management of the money raised for the Palatines; when, instead of employing that great sum in purchasing lands in some remoteand cheap part of the kingdom, and there planting those people as acolony, the whole end was utterly defeated. 

A third is, the insurance office against fire, by which several thousandpounds are yearly remitted to England, (a trifle, it seems, we caneasily spare, ) and will gradually increase until it comes to a goodnational tax: for the society-marks upon our houses (under which mightproperly be written, "The Lord have mercy upon us!") spread faster andfarther than the colony of frogs. [192] I have, for above twenty yearspast, given warning several thousand times to many substantial people, and to such who are acquainted with lords and squires, and the likegreat folks, to any of whom I have not the honour to be known: Imentioned my daily fears, lest our watchful friends in England mighttake this business out of our hands; and how easy it would be to preventthat evil, by erecting a society of persons who had good estates, such, for instance, as that noble knot of bankers, under the style of "Swiftand Company. " But now we are become tributary to England, not only formaterials to light our own fires, but for engines to put them out; towhich, if hearth-money be added, (repealed in England as a grievance, )we have the honour to pay three taxes for fire. 

A fourth was the knavery of those merchants, or linen-manufacturers, orboth, when, upon occasion of the plague at Marseilles, we had a fairopportunity of getting into our hands the whole linen-trade of Spain;but the commodity was so bad, and held at so high a rate, that almostthe whole cargo was returned, and the small remainder sold below theprime cost. 

So many other particulars of the same nature crowd into my thoughts, that I am forced to stop; and the rather because they are not veryproper for my subject, to which I shall now return. 

Among all the schemes for maintaining the poor of the city, and settingthem to work, the least weight has been laid upon that single pointwhich is of the greatest importance; I mean, that of keeping foreignbeggars from swarming hither out of every part of the country; for, until this be brought to pass effectually, all our wise reasonings andproceedings upon them will be vain and ridiculous. 

The prodigious number of beggars throughout this kingdom, in proportionto so small a number of people, is owing to many reasons: to thelaziness of the natives; the want of work to employ them; the enormousrents paid by cottagers for their miserable cabins and potatoe-plots;their early marriages, without the least prospect of establishment; theruin of agriculture, whereby such vast numbers are hindered fromproviding their own bread, and have no money to purchase it; the mortaldamp upon all kinds of trade, and many other circumstances, too tediousor invidious to mention. 

And to the same causes we owe the perpetual concourse of foreign beggarsto this town, the country landlords giving all assistance, except moneyand victuals, to drive from their estates those miserable creatures theyhave undone. 

It was a general complaint against the poor-house, under its formergovernors, "That the number of poor in this city did not lessen bytaking three hundred into the house, and all of them recommended underthe minister's and churchwardens' hands of the several parishes": andthis complaint must still continue, although the poor-house should beenlarged to contain three thousand, or even double that number. 

The revenues of the poor-house, as it is now established, amount toabout two thousand pounds a-year; whereof two hundred allowed forofficers, and one hundred for repairs, the remaining seventeen hundred, at four pounds a-head, will support four hundred and twenty-fivepersons. This is a favourable allowance, considering that I subtractnothing for the diet of those officers, and for wear and tear offurniture; and if every one of these collegiates should be set to work, it is agreed they will not be able to gain by their labour aboveone-fourth part of their maintenance. 

At the same time, the oratorial part of these gentlemen seldom vouchsafeto mention fewer than fifteen hundred or two thousand people, to bemaintained in this hospital, without troubling their heads about thefund. * * * *

ON BARBAROUS DENOMINATIONS

IN IRELAND. 

 SIR, I have been lately looking over the advertisements in some of yourDublin newspapers, which are sent me to the country, and was muchentertained with a large list of denominations of lands, to be sold orlet. I am confident they must be genuine; for it is impossible thateither chance or modern invention could sort the alphabet in such amanner as to make those abominable sounds; whether first invented toinvoke or fright away the devil, I must leave among the curious. 

If I could wonder at anything barbarous, ridiculous, or absurd, amongus, this should be one of the first. I have often lamented thatAgricola, the father-in-law of Tacitus, was not prevailed on by thatpetty king from Ireland, who followed his camp, to come over andcivilize us with a conquest, as his countrymen did Britain, whereseveral Roman appellations remain to this day, and so would the resthave done, if that inundation of Angles, Saxons, and other northernpeople, had not changed them so much for the worse, although in nocomparison with ours. In one of the advertisements just mentioned, Iencountered near a hundred words together, which I defy any creature inhuman shape, except an Irishman of the savage kind, to pronounce;neither would I undertake such a task, to be owner of the lands, unlessI had liberty to humanize the syllables twenty miles round. Thelegislature may think what they please, and that they are above copyingthe Romans in all their conquests of barbarous nations; but I amdeceived, if anything has more contributed to prevent the Irish frombeing tamed, than this encouragement of their language, which might beeasily abolished, and become a dead one in half an age, with littleexpense, and less trouble. 

How is it possible that a gentleman who lives in those parts where the_town-lands_ (as they call them) of his estate produce such odioussounds from the mouth, the throat, and the nose, can be able to repeatthe words without dislocating every muscle that is used in speaking, andwithout applying the same tone to all other words, in every language heunderstands; as it is plainly to be observed not only in those people ofthe better sort who live in Galway and the Western parts, but in mostcounties of Ireland?

It is true, that, in the city parts of London, the trading people havean affected manner of pronouncing; and so, in my time, had many ladiesand coxcombs at Court. It is likewise true, that there is an oddprovincial cant in most counties in England, sometimes not very pleasingto the ear; and the Scotch cadence, as well as expression, are offensiveenough. But none of these defects derive contempt to the speaker:whereas, what we call the _Irish brogue_ is no sooner discovered, thanit makes the deliverer in the last degree ridiculous and despised; and, from such a mouth, an Englishman expects nothing but bulls, blunders, and follies. Neither does it avail whether the censure be reasonable ornot, since the fact is always so. And, what is yet worse, it is too wellknown, that the bad consequence of this opinion affects those among uswho are not the least liable to such reproaches, farther than themisfortune of being born in Ireland, although of English parents, andwhose education has been chiefly in that kingdom. 

I have heard many gentlemen among us talk much of the great convenienceto those who live in the country, that they should speak Irish. It maypossibly be so; but I think they should be such who never intend tovisit England, upon pain of being ridiculous; for I do not remember tohave heard of any one man that spoke Irish, who had not the accent uponhis tongue easily discernible to any English ear. 

But I have wandered a little from my subject, which was only to proposea wish that these execrable denominations were a little better suited toan English mouth, if it were only for the sake of the English lawyers;who, in trials upon appeals to the House of Lords, find so muchdifficulty in repeating the names, that, if the plaintiff or defendantwere by, they would never be able to discover which were their ownlands. But, besides this, I would desire, not only that the appellationsof what they call _town-lands_ were changed, but likewise of largerdistricts, and several towns, and some counties; and particularly theseats of country-gentlemen, leaving an _alias_ to solve all difficultiesin point of law. But I would by no means trust these alterations to theowners themselves; who, as they are generally no great clerks, so theyseem to have no large vocabulary about them, nor to be well skilled inprosody. The utmost extent of their genius lies in naming their countryhabitation by a hill, a mount, a brook, a burrow, a castle, a bawn, aford, and the like ingenious conceits. Yet these are exceeded by others, whereof some have contrived anagramatical appellations, from half theirown and their wives' names joined together: others only from the lady;as, for instance, a person whose wife's name was Elizabeth, calls hisseat by the name of _Bess-borow_. There is likewise a famous town, wherethe worst iron in the kingdom is made, and it is called _Swandlingbar_:the original of which name I shall explain, lest the antiquaries offuture ages might be at a loss to derive it. It was a most witty conceitof four gentlemen, who ruined themselves with this iron project. _Sw. _stands for _Swift_, [193] _And_, for _Sanders_, _Ling_ for _Davling_ and_Bar. _ for _Barry_. Methinks I see the four loggerheads sitting inconsult, like _Smectymnuus_, each gravely contributing a part of his ownname, to make up one for their place in the ironwork; and could wishthey had been hanged, as well as undone, for their wit. But I was mostpleased with the denomination of a town-land, which I lately saw in anadvertisement of Pue's paper: "This is to give notice, that the lands of_Douras, alias_ WHIG-_borough_, " &c. Now, this zealous proprietor, having a mind to record his principles in religion or loyalty to futureages, within five miles round him, for want of other merit, thought fitto make use of this expedient: wherein he seems to mistake his account;for this distinguishing term, whig, had a most infamous original, denoting a man who favoured the fanatic sect, and an enemy to kings, andso continued till this idea was a little softened, some years after theRevolution, and during a part of her late Majesty's reign. After whichit was in disgrace until the Queen's death, since which time it hathindeed flourished with a witness: But how long will it continue so, inour variable scene, or what kind of mortal it may describe, is aquestion which this courtly landlord is not able to answer; andtherefore he should have set a date on the title of his borough, to letus know what kind of a creature a whig was in that year of our Lord. Iwould readily assist nomenclators of this costive imagination, andtherefore I propose to others of the same size in thinking, that, whenthey are at a loss about christening a country-seat, instead ofstraining their invention, they would call it _Booby-borough_, _Fool-brook_, _Puppy-ford_, _Coxcomb-hall_, _Mount-loggerhead_, _Dunce-hill_; which are innocent appellations, proper to express thetalents of the owners. But I cannot reconcile myself to the prudenceof this lord of WHIG-_borough_, because I have not yet heard, among thePresbyterian squires, how much soever their persons and principles arein vogue, that any of them have distinguished their country abode by thename of _Mount-regicide_, _Covenant-hall_, _Fanatic-hill_, _Roundhead-bawn_, _Canting-brook_, or _Mont-rebel_, and the like; becausethere may probably come a time when those kind of sounds may not be sograteful to the ears of the kingdom. For I do not conceive it would be amark of discretion, upon supposing a gentleman, in allusion to his name, or the merit of his ancestors, to call his house _Tyburn-hall_. 

But the scheme I would propose for changing the denominations of landinto legible and audible syllables, is by employing some gentlemen inthe University; who, by the knowledge of the Latin tongue, and theirjudgment in sounds, might imitate the Roman way, by translating thosehideous words into their English meanings, and altering the terminationwhere a bare translation will not form a good cadence to the ear, or beeasily delivered from the mouth. And, when both those means happen tofail, then to name the parcels of land from the nature of the soil, orsome peculiar circumstance belonging to it; as, in England, _Farn-ham_, _Oat-lands_, _Black-heath_, _Corn-bury_, _Rye-gate_, _Ash-burnham_, _Barn-elms_, _Cole-orton_, _Sand-wich_, and many others. 

I am likewise apt to quarrel with some titles of lords among us, thathave a very ungracious sound, which are apt to communicate mean ideas tothose who have not the honour to be acquainted with their persons ortheir virtues, of whom I have the misfortune to be one. But I cannotpardon those gentlemen who have gotten titles since the judicature ofthe peers among us has been taken away, to which they all submitted witha resignation that became good Christians, as undoubtedly they are. However, since that time, I look upon a graceful harmonious title to beat least forty _per cent. _ in the value intrinsic of an Irish peerage;and, since it is as cheap as the worst, for any Irish law hithertoenacted in England to the contrary, I would advise the next set, beforethey pass their patents, to call a consultation of scholars and musicalgentlemen, to adjust this most important and essential circumstance. TheScotch noblemen, though born almost under the north pole, have much moretunable appellations, except some very few, which I suppose were giventhem by the Irish along with their language, at the time when thatkingdom was conquered and planted from hence; and to this day retain thedenominations of places, and surnames of families, as all historiansagree. [194]

I should likewise not be sorry, if the names of some bishops' sees wereso much obliged to the alphabet, that upon pronouncing them we mightcontract some veneration for the order and persons of those reverendpeers, which the gross ideas sometimes joined to their titles are veryunjustly apt to diminish. 

SPEECH DELIVERED BY DEAN SWIFT

TO AN ASSEMBLY OF MERCHANTS MET AT THE GUILDHALL, TO DRAW UP A PETITION TO THE LORD LIEUTENANT

ON THE LOWERING OF COIN, APRIL 24TH, 1736. 

 NOTE. 

 Writing to Sheridan, under date April 24th, 1736, in a letter written partly by herself and partly by Swift, Mrs. Whiteway, Swift's housekeeper, refers to the occasion of this speech in the following words:

 "The Drapier went this day to the Tholsel[195] as a merchant, to sign a petition to the government against lowering the gold, where we hear he made a long speech, for which he will be reckoned a Jacobite. God send hanging does not go round. " (Scott's edition, vol. Xviii. , p. 470. 1824. )

 The occasion for this agitation against the lowering of the gold arose thus. Archbishop Boulter had, for a long time, been much concerned about the want of small silver in Ireland. The subject seemed to weigh on him greatly, since he refers to it again and again in his correspondence with Carteret, Newcastle, Dorset, and Walpole. On May 25th, 1736, he wrote to Walpole to inform him that the Lord Lieutenant had taken with him to England "an application from the government for lowering the gold made current here, by proclamation, and raising the foreign silver. " Silver, being scarce, bankers and tradesmen were accustomed to charge a premium for the changing of gold, as much as sixpence and sevenpence in the pound sterling being obtained. (See Boulter's "Letters, " vol. Ii. , p. 122. Dublin, 1770. )

 There was no question about the benefit of Boulter's scheme in the minds of the two Houses of Commons and Lords: Swift, however, opposed it vehemently, because he thought the advantage to be obtained by this lowering of the gold would accrue to the absentees. In 1687 James had issued a proclamation by which an English shilling was made the equivalent of thirteen pence in Ireland, and an English guinea to twenty-four shillings. Primate Boulter's object (gained by the proclamation of the order on September 29th, 1737) was to reduce the value of the guinea from twenty-three shillings (at which it then stood) to _£1 2s. 9d. _ Swift, thinks Monck Mason, considered the absentees would benefit by this "from the circumstances of the reserved rents, being expressed in the imaginary coin, called a pound, but actually paid in guineas, when the value of guineas was lowered, it required a proportionately greater number to make up a specific sum" ("History of St. Patrick's, " p. 401, note c. )

 Swift, as he wrote to Sheridan, "battled in vain with the duke and his clan. " He thought it "just a kind of settlement upon England of £25, 000 a year for ever; yet some of my friends, " he goes on to say, "differ from me, though all agree that the absentees will be just so much gainers. " (Letter of date May 22nd, 1737. )

 In a note to Boulter's letter to the Duke of Newcastle (September 29th, 1737) the editor of those letters (Ambrose Phillips) remarks: "Such a spirit of opposition had been raised on this occasion by Dean Swift and the bankers, that it was thought proper to lodge at the Primate's house, an extraordinary guard of soldiers. " This, probably, was after the open exchange of words between Boulter and Swift. The Primate had accused Swift of inflaming the minds of the people, and hinted broadly that he might incur the displeasure of the government. "I inflame them!" retorted Swift, "had I but lifted my finger, they would have torn you to pieces. " The day of the proclaiming of the order for the lowering of the gold was marked by Swift with the display of a black flag from the steeple of St. Patrick's, and the tolling of muffled bells, a piece of conduct which Boulter called an insult to the government. 

 It is _à propos_ to record here the revenge Swift took on Boulter for the accusation of inflaming the people. The incident was put by him into the following verse:

 "At Dublin's high feast sat primate and dean, Both dressed like divines, with hand and face clean: Quoth Hugh of Armagh, 'the mob is grown bold. ' 'Ay, ay, ' quoth the Dean, 'the cause is old gold. ' 'No, no, ' quoth the primate, 'if causes we sift, The mischief arises from witty Dean Swift. ' The smart one replies, 'There's no wit in the case; And nothing of that ever troubled your grace. Though with your state sieve your own motions you s--t, A Boulter by name is no bolter of wit. It's matter of weight, and a mere money job; But the lower the coin, the higher the mob. Go to tell your friend Bob and the other great folk, That sinking the coin is a dangerous joke. The Irish dear joys have enough common sense, To treat gold reduced like Wood's copper pence. It's pity a prelate should die without law; But if I say the word--take care of Armagh!"

 With the lowering of the gold the Primate imported £2, 000 worth of copper money for Irish consumption. Swift was most indignant at this, and his protest, printed by Faulkner, brought that publisher before the Council, and gave Swift a fit of "nerves. " (MS. Letter, March 31st, 1737, to Lord Orrery, quoted by Craik in Swift's "Life, " vol. Ii. , p. 160. ) Swift's objection against the copper was due to the fact that it was not minted in Ireland. "I quarrel not with the coin, but with the indignity of its not being coined here. " (Same MS. Letter. )

 Among the pamphlets in the Halliday collection in the Royal Irish Academy, Dublin, is a tract with the following title:

 "Reasons why we should not lower the Coins now Current in this Kingdom ... Dublin: Printed and Sold by E. Waters in Dame-street. "

 At the end of this tract is printed Swift's speech to "an Assembly of above one Hundred and fifty eminent persons who met at the Guild Hall, on Saturday the 24th April, 1736, in order to draw up their Petition, and present it to his grace the Lord Lieutenant against lowering said Coin. " It is from this tract that the present text has been taken. The editor is obliged to Sir Henry Craik's "Life of Swift" for drawing attention to this hitherto uncollected piece. 

 [T. S. ]

SPEECH DELIVERED ON THE LOWERING OF THE COIN. 

I beg you will consider and very well weigh in your hearts, what I amgoing to say and what I have often said before. There are several bodiesof men, among whom the power of this kingdom is divided--1st, TheLord-Lieutenant, Lords Justices and Council; next to these, my Lords theBishops; there is likewise my Lord Chancellor, and my Lords the Judgesof the land--with other eminent persons in the land, who haveemployments and great salaries annexed. To these must be added theCommissioners of the Revenue, with all their under officers: and lastly, their honours of the Army, of all degrees. 

Now, Gentlemen, I beg you again to consider that none of these personsabove named, can ever suffer the loss of one farthing by all themiseries under which the kingdom groans at present. For, first, untilthe kingdom be entirely ruined, the Lord-Lieutenant and Lords Justicesmust have their salaries. My Lords the Bishops, whose lands are set at afourth part value, will be sure of their rents and their fines. My Lordsthe Judges and those of other employments in the country must likewisehave their salaries. The gentlemen of the revenue will pay themselves, and as to the officers of the army, the consequence of not paying themis obvious enough. Nay, so far will those persons I have alreadymentioned be from suffering, that, on the contrary, their revenues beingno way lessened by the fall of money, and the price of all commoditiesconsiderably sunk thereby, they must be great gainers. Therefore, Gentlemen, I do entreat you that as long as you live, you will look onall persons who are for lowering the gold, or any other coin, as nofriends to this poor kingdom, but such, who find their private accountin what will be detrimental to Ireland. And as the absentees are, inthe strongest view, our greatest enemies, first by consuming aboveone-half of the rents of this nation abroad, and secondly by turning theweight, by their absence, so much on the Popish side, by weakening theProtestant interest, can there be a greater folly than to pave a bridgeof gold at your own expense, to support them in their luxury and vanityabroad, while hundreds of thousands are starving at home for want ofemployment. 

MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 

IRISH ELOQUENCE. [196]

I hope you will come and take a drink of my ale. I always brew with myown bear. I was at your large Toun's house, in the county of Fermanegh. He has planted a great many oak trees, and elm trees round his lough:And a good warrent he had, it is kind father for him, I stayd with him aweek. At breakfast we had sometimes sowins, and sometimes stirrabout, and sometimes fraughauns and milk; but his cows would hardly give a dropof milk. For his head had lost the pachaun. His neighbour Squire Dolt isa meer buddaugh. I'd give a cow in Conaught you could see him. He keepsnone but garrauns, and he rides on a soogaun with nothing for his bridlebut gadd. In that, he is a meer spaulpeen, and a perfect Monaghan, and aMunster Croch to the bargain. Without you saw him on Sunday you wouldtake him for a Brogadeer and a spaned to a carl did not know had to drawbutter. We drank balcan and whisky out of madders. And the devil aniglugam had but a caddao. I wonder your cozen does na learn him bettermanners. Your cousin desires you will buy him some cheney cups. Iremember he had a great many; I wonder what is gone with them. Icoshered on him for a week. He has a fine staggard of corn. His dedy hasbeen very unwell. I was sorry that anything ayl her father's child. 

Firing is very dear thereabout. The turf is drawn tuo near in Kislers;and they send new rounds from the mines, nothing comes in the Cleevesbut stock. We had a sereroar of beef, and once a runy for dinner. 

A DIALOGUE IN HIBERNIAN STYLE BETWEEN A. AND B. [197]

A. Them aples is very good. 

B. I cam _again_ you in that. 

A. Lord I was bodderd t'other day with that prating fool, Tom. 

B. Pray, how does he _get_ his health?

A. He's often very _unwell_. 

B. [I] hear he was a great pet of yours. 

A. Where does he live?

B. Opposite the red Lyon. 

A. I think he behaved very ill the last sessions. 

B. That's true, but I cannot forbear loving his father's child: Will youtake a glass of my ale?

A. No, I thank you, I took a drink of small beer at home before I camehere. 

B. I always brew with my own bear: You have a country-house: Are you [a]planter. 

A. Yes, I have planted a great many oak trees and ash trees, and someelm trees round a lough. 

B. And so a good warrant you have: It is kind father for you. 

A. And what breakfast do you take in the country?

B. Sometimes stirabout, and in sumer we have the best frauhaurg in allthe county. 

A. What kind of man is your neighbour Squire Dolt?

B. Why, a meer Buddogh. He sometimes coshers with me; and once a month Itake a pipe with him, and we shot it about for an hour together. 

A. I hear he keeps good horses. 

B. None but garrauns, and I have seen him often riding on a sougawn. Inshort, he is no better than a spawlpien; a perfect Marcghen. When I wasthere last, we had nothing but a medder to drink out of; and the devil anighigam but a caddao. Will you go see him when you come unto ourquarter?

A. Not _without_ you go with me. 

B. Will you lend me your snuff-box?

A. Do you make good cheese and butter?

B. Yes, when we can get milk; but our cows will never keep a drop ofmilk without a Puckaun. 

TO THE PROVOST AND SENIOR FELLOWS OF TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN. 

 Deanery House, July 5, 1736. 

 REV. AND WORTHY SIRS, As I had the honour of receiving some part of my education in youruniversity, and the good fortune to be of some service to it while I hada share of credit at court, as well as since, when I had very little ornone, I may hope to be excused for laying a case before you, andoffering my opinion upon it. 

Mr. Dunkin, [198] whom you all know, sent me some time ago a memorialintended to be laid before you, which perhaps he hath already done. Hisrequest is, that you would be pleased to enlarge his annuity at present, and that he may have the same right, in his turn, to the first churchpreferment, vacant in your gift, as if he had been made a fellow, according to the scheme of his aunt's will; because the absurdity of thecondition in it ought to be imputed to the old woman's ignorance, although her intention be very manifest; and the intention of thetestator in all wills is chiefly regarded by the law. What I wouldtherefore propose is this, that you would increase his pension to onehundred pounds a-year, and make him a firm promise of the first churchliving in your disposal, to the value of two hundred pounds a-year, orsomewhat more. This I take to be a reasonable medium between what hehath proposed in his memorial, and what you allow him at present. 

I am almost a perfect stranger to Mr. Dunkin, having never seen himabove twice, and then in mixed company, nor should I know his person ifI met him in the streets. 

But I know he is a man of wit and parts; which if applied properly tothe business of his function, instead of poetry, (wherein it must beowned he sometimes excels, ) might be of great use and service to him. 

I hope you will please to remember, that, since your body hath receivedno inconsiderable benefaction from the aunt, it will much increase yourreputation, rather to err on the generous side toward the nephew. 

These are my thoughts, after frequently reflecting on the case under allits circumstances; and so I leave it to your wiser judgments. 

I am, with true respect and esteem, reverend and worthy Sirs, Your most obedient and most humble servant, JON. SWIFT. 

TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL THE MAYOR, ALDERMEN, SHERIFFS, ANDCOMMON-COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF CORK. 

 Deanery House, Dublin, August 15, 1737. 

 GENTLEMEN, I received from you, some weeks ago, the honour of my freedom, in asilver box, by the hands of Mr. Stannard; but it was not delivered to mein as many weeks more; because, I suppose, he was too full of moreimportant business. Since that time, I have been wholly confined bysickness, so that I was not able to return you my acknowledgment; and itis with much difficulty I do it now, my head continuing in greatdisorder. Mr. Faulkner will be the bearer of my letter, who sets outthis morning for Cork. 

I could have wished, as I am a private man, that, in the instrument ofmy freedom, you had pleased to assign your reasons for making choice ofme. I know it is a usual compliment to bestow the freedom of the city onan archbishop, or lord-chancellor, and other persons of great titles, merely on account of their stations or power: but a private man, and aperfect stranger, without power or grandeur, may justly expect to findthe motives assigned in the instrument of his freedom, on what accounthe is thus distinguished. And yet I cannot discover, in the wholeparchment scrip, any one reason offered. Next, as to the silver box, there is not so much as my name upon it, nor any one syllable to show itwas a present from your city. Therefore I have, by the advice offriends, agreeable with my opinion, sent back the box and instrument offreedom by Mr. Faulkner, to be returned to you; leaving to your choicewhether to insert the reasons for which you were pleased to give me myfreedom, or bestow the box upon some more worthy person whom you mayhave an intention to honour, because it will equally fit everybody. 

 I am, with true esteem and gratitude, Gentlemen, Your most obedient and obliged servant, JON. SWIFT. 

TO THE HONOURABLE THE SOCIETY OF THEGOVERNOR AND ASSISTANTS, LONDON, FOR THE NEW PLANTATION IN ULSTER, WITHIN THE REALM OF IRELAND, AT THE CHAMBER IN GUILDHALL, LONDON. 

 April 19, 1739. WORTHY GENTLEMEN, I heartily recommend to your very Worshipful Society, the Reverend Mr. William Dunkin, [199] for the living of Colrane, vacant by the death ofDr. Squire. Mr. Dunkin is a gentleman of great learning and wit, truereligion, and excellent morals. It is only for these qualifications thatI recommend him to your patronage; and I am confident that you willnever repent the choice of such a man, who will be ready at any time toobey your commands. You have my best wishes, and all my endeavours foryour prosperity: and I shall, during my life, continue to be, with thetruest respect and highest esteem, Worthy Sirs, Your most obedient, and most humble servant, JON. SWIFT. 

CERTIFICATE TO A DISCARDED SERVANT. 

 Deanery-house, Jan. 9, 1739-40

Whereas the bearer served me the space of one year, during which time hewas an idler and a drunkard, I then discharged him as such; but how farhis having been five years at sea may have mended his manners, I leaveto the penetration of those who may hereafter choose to employ him. 

 JON. SWIFT. 

AN EXHORTATION ADDRESSED TO THESUB-DEAN AND CHAPTER OF ST. PATRICK'S CATHEDRAL, DUBLIN. 

 January 28, 1741. 

Whereas my infirmities of age and ill-health have prevented me topreside in the chapters held for the good order and government of mycathedral church of St. Patrick, Dublin, in person: I have, by a legalcommission, made and appointed the very reverend Doctor John Wynne, prĉcentor of the said cathedral, to be sub-dean in my stead and absence. I do hereby ratify and confirm all the powers delegated to the said Dr. Wynne in the said Commission. 

And I do hereby require and request the very reverend sub-dean not topermit any of the vicars-choral, choristers, or organists, to attend orassist at any public musical performances, without my consent, or hisconsent, with the consent of the chapter first obtained. 

And whereas it hath been reported, that I gave a licence to certainvicars to assist at a club of fiddlers in Fishamble Street, I do herebydeclare that I remember no such licence to have been ever signed orsealed by me; and that if ever such pretended licence should beproduced, I do hereby annul and vacate the said licence. Intreating mysaid sub-dean and chapter to punish such vicars as shall ever appearthere, as songsters, fiddlers, pipers, trumpeters, drummers, drum-majors, or in any sonal quality, according to the flagitiousaggravations of their respective disobedience, rebellion, perfidy, andingratitude. 

I require my said sub-dean to proceed to the extremity of expulsion, ifthe said vicars should be found ungovernable, impenitent, orself-sufficient, especially Taberner, Phipps, and Church, who, as I aminformed, have, in violation of my sub-dean's and chapter's order inDecember last, at the instance of some obscure persons unknown, presumedto sing and fiddle at the club above mentioned. 

My resolution is to preserve the dignity of my station, and the honourof my chapter; and, gentlemen, it is incumbent upon you to aid me, andto show who and what the Dean and Chapter of Saint Patrick's are. 

 Signed by me, JONATHAN SWIFT Dean of St. Patrick's. 

 Witnesses present, JAMES KING, FRANCIS WILSON. 

To the very Reverend Doctor John Wynne, sub-dean of the Cathedral churchof Saint Patrick, Dublin, and to the reverend dignitaries andprebendaries of the same. 

APPENDIX. 

A LETTER TO THE WRITER OF THE OCCASIONAL PAPER. 

 NOTE. 

 In April, 1727, Swift paid his last visit to England. The visit paid by him to Walpole, already referred to, resulted in nothing, though it cannot, on that account, be argued that Swift's open friendship for, and even support of, Pulteney and Bolingbroke was owing to his failure with Walpole. Swift pleaded with Walpole for Ireland and Ireland only, as his letter to Peterborough amply testifies. It had nothing to do with the political situation in England. The explanation for this sympathy is most likely found in Sir Henry Craik's suggestion that Swift humoured the pretences of his friends that they were of the party that maintained the national virtues, resisted corruption, and defended liberty against arbitrary power. To Pulteney Swift always wrote reminding him that the country looked to him as its saviour, and he wrote in a similar vein to Bolingbroke and Pope. The "Craftsman" had been founded by Pulteney and Bolingbroke (a curious companionship when one remembers the past lives of these two men) for the express purpose of bringing low Walpole's political power. It began by exposing the tricks of "Robin" and continued to lay bare the cunning and wiles of the "Craftsman" at the head of the government of the country. Both Pulteney and Bolingbroke wrote regularly, and the former displayed a journalistic power quite extraordinary. 

 The letter which follows was written by Swift when in London on the occasion of his last visit; but a note in Craik's "Life of Swift" (vol. Ii. , pp. 166-167) is very interesting as showing that Swift did certainly give hints for some of the subjects for discussion. I take the liberty to transcribe this note in full. Sir Henry Craik thinks it more than likely that Swift may have suggested, during his last visit to London, some of the lines on which Bolingbroke and Pulteney worked. In the note he adds:

 "This finds some confirmation, from the following heads of a Tract, which I have found in a memorandum in Swift's handwriting. The memorandum belongs to Mr. Frederick Locker [now dead], who kindly permitted me to use his papers, the same which came from Theophilus Swift into Scott's possession. But the interest of this memorandum escaped Scott's notice. "

 "PROPOSAL FOR VIRTUE. "

 "Every little fellow who has a vote now corrupted. 

 "An arithmetical computation, how much spent in election of Commons, and pensions and foreign courts: how then can our debts be paid?

 "No fear that gentlemen will not stand and serve without Pensions, and that they will let the Kingdom be invaded for want of fleets and armies, or bring in Pretender, etc. 

 "How K(ing) will ensure his own interest as well as the Publick: he is now forced to keep himself bare, etc. , at least, late King was. 

 "Perpetual expedients, stop-gaps, etc. , at long run must terminate in something fatal, as it does in private estates. 

 "There may be probably 10, 000 landed men in England fit for Parliament. This would reduce Parliament to consist of real landed men, which is full as necessary for Senates as for Juries. What do the other 9, 000 do for want of pensions?

 " ... In private life, virtue may be difficult, by passions, infirmities, temptations, want of pence, strong opposition, etc. But not in public administration: there it makes all things easy. 

 "Form the Scheme. Suppose a King of England would resolve to give no pension for party, etc. , and call a Parliament, perfectly free, as he could. 

 "What can a K. Reasonably ask that a Parliament will refuse? When they are resty, it is by corrupt ministers, who have designs dangerous to the State, and must therefore support themselves by bribing, etc. 

 "Open, fair dealing the best. 

 "A contemptuous character of Court art. How different from true politics. For, comparing the talents of two professions that are very different, I cannot but think, that in the present sense of the word Politician, a common sharper or pickpocket, has every quality that can be required in the other, and accordingly I have personally known more than half a dozen in their hour esteemed equally to excell in both. "

 * * * * *

 The present text is based on that given in the eighth volume of the quarto issue of Swift's Works published in 1765. 

 [T. S. ]

 A LETTER TO THE WRITER OF THE OCCASIONAL PAPER. [200]

 [VIDE THE CRAFTSMAN, 1727. ]

 SIR, Although, in one of your papers, you declare an intention of turningthem, during the dead season of the year, into accounts of domestic andforeign intelligence; yet I think we, your correspondents, should notunderstand your meaning so literally, as if you intended to rejectinserting any other paper, which might probably be useful for thepublic. Neither, indeed, am I fully convinced that this new course youresolve to take will render you more secure than your former laudablepractice, of inserting such speculations as were sent you by severalwell-wishers to the good of the kingdom; however grating such noticesmight be to some, who wanted neither power nor inclination to resentthem at your cost. For, since there is a direct law against spreadingfalse news, if you should venture to tell us in one of the Craftsmenthat the Dey of Algiers had got the toothache, or the King of Bantam hadtaken a purge, and the facts should be contradicted in succeedingpackets; I do not see what plea you could offer to avoid the utmostpenalty of the law, because you are not supposed to be very graciousamong those who are most able to hurt you. 

Besides, as I take your intentions to be sincerely meant for the publicservice, so your original method of entertaining and instructing us willbe more general and more useful in this season of the year, when peopleare retired to amusements more cool, more innocent, and much morereasonable than those they have left; when their passions are subsidedor suspended; when they have no occasions of inflaming themselves, oreach other; where they will have opportunities of hearing common sense, every day in the week, from their tenants or neighbouring farmers, andthereby be qualified, in hours of rain or leisure, to read and considerthe advice or information you shall send them. 

Another weighty reason why you should not alter your manner of writing, by dwindling to a newsmonger, is because there is no suspension of armsagreed on between you and your adversaries, who fight with a sort ofweapons which have two wonderful qualities, that they are never to beworn out, and are best wielded by the weakest hands, and which thepoverty of our language forceth me to call by the trite appellations ofscurrility, slander, and Billingsgate. I am far from thinking that thesegentlemen, or rather their employers, (for the operators themselves aretoo obscure to be guessed at) should be answered after their own way, although it were possible to drag them out of their obscurity; but Iwish you would enquire what real use such a conduct is to the cause theyhave been so largely paid to defend. The author of the three firstOccasional Letters, a person altogether unknown, hath been thought toglance (for what reasons he best knows) at some public proceedings, asif they were not agreeable to his private opinions. In answer to this, the pamphleteers retained on the other side are instructed by theirsuperiors, to single out an adversary whose abilities they have mostreason to apprehend, and to load himself, his family, and friends, withall the infamy that a perpetual conversation in Bridewell, Newgate, andthe stews could furnish them; but, at the same time, so very unluckily, that the most distinguishing parts of their characters strike directlyin the face of their benefactor, whose idea presenting itself along withhis guineas perpetually to their imagination, occasioned this desperateblunder. 

But, allowing this heap of slander to be truth, and applied to theproper person; what is to be the consequence? Are our public debts to bethe sooner paid; the corruptions that author complains of to be thesooner cured; an honourable peace, or a glorious war the more likely toensue; trade to flourish; the Ostend Company to be demolished;Gibraltar and Port Mahon left entire in our possession; the balance ofEurope to be preserved; the malignity of parties to be for ever at anend; none but persons of merit, virtue, genius, and learning to beencouraged? I ask whether any of these effects will follow upon thepublication of this author's libel, even supposing he could prove everysyllable of it to be true?

At the same time, I am well assured, that the only reason of ascribingthose papers to a particular person, is built upon the information of acertain pragmatical spy of quality, well known to act in that capacityby those into whose company he insinuates himself; a sort of personswho, although without much love, esteem, or dread of people in presentpower, yet have too much common prudence to speak their thoughts withfreedom before such an intruder; who, therefore, imposes grossly uponhis masters, if he makes them pay for anything but his own conjectures. 

It is a grievous mistake in a great minister to neglect or despise, muchmore to irritate men of genius and learning. I have heard one of thewisest persons in my time observe, that an administration was to beknown and judged by the talents of those who appeared their advocates inprint. This I must never allow to be a general rule; yet I cannot butthink it prodigiously unfortunate, that, among the answerers, defenders, repliers, and panegyrists, started up in defence of present persons andproceedings, there hath not yet arisen one whose labours we can readwith patience, however we may applaud their loyalty and good will. Andall this with the advantages of constant ready pay, of natural andacquired venom, and a grant of the whole fund of slander, to range overand riot in as they please. [201]

On the other side, a turbulent writer of Occasional Letters, and othervexatious papers, in conjunction perhaps with one or two friends as badas himself, is able to disconcert, tease, and sour us whenever hethinks fit, merely by the strength of genius and truth; and after sodexterous a manner, that, when we are vexed to the soul, and well knowthe reasons why we are so, we are ashamed to own the first, and cannottell how to express the other. In a word, it seems to me that all thewriters are on one side, and all the railers on the other. 

However, I do not pretend to assert, that it is impossible for an illminister to find men of wit who may be drawn, by a very valuableconsideration, to undertake his defence; but the misfortune is, that theheads of such writers rebel against their hearts; their genius forsakesthem, when they would offer to prostitute it to the service ofinjustice, corruption, party rage, and false representations of thingsand persons. 

And this is the best argument I can offer in defence of great men, whohave been of late so very unhappy in the choice of theirpaper-champions; although I cannot much commend their good husbandry, inthose exorbitant payments of twenty and sixty guineas at a time for ascurvy pamphlet; since the sort of work they require is what will allcome within the talents of any one who hath enjoyed the happiness of avery bad education, hath kept the vilest company, is endowed with aservile spirit, is master of an empty purse, and a heart full of malice. 

But, to speak the truth in soberness; it should seem a little hard, since the old Whiggish principle hath been recalled of standing up forthe liberty of the press, to a degree that no man, for several yearspast, durst venture out a thought which did not square to a point withthe maxims and practices that then prevailed: I say, it is a little hardthat the vilest mercenaries should be countenanced, preferred, rewarded, for discharging their brutalities against men of honour, only upon abare conjecture. 

If it should happen that these profligates have attacked an innocentperson, I ask what satisfaction can their hirers give in return? Not allthe wealth raked together by the most corrupt rapacious ministers, inthe longest course of unlimited power, would be sufficient to atone forthe hundredth part of such an injury. 

In the common way of thinking, it is a situation sufficient in allconscience to satisfy a reasonable ambition, for a private person tocommand the forces, the laws, the revenues of a great kingdom, toreward and advance his followers and flatterers as he pleases, and tokeep his enemies (real or imaginary) in the dust. In such an exaltation, why should he be at the trouble to make use of fools to sound hispraises, (because I always thought the lion was hard set, when he chosethe ass for his trumpeter) or knaves to revenge his quarrels, at theexpense of innocent men's reputations?

With all those advantages, I cannot see why persons, in the height ofpower, should be under the least concern on account of their reputation, for which they have no manner of use; or to ruin that of others, whichmay perhaps be the only possession their enemies have left them. Supposing times of corruption, which I am very far from doing, if awriter displays them in their proper colours, does he do anything worsethan sending customers to the shop? "Here only, at the sign of theBrazen Head, are to be sold places and pensions: beware of counterfeits, and take care of mistaking the door. "

For my own part, I think it very unnecessary to give the character of agreat minister in the fulness of his power, because it is a thing thatnaturally does itself, and is obvious to the eyes of all mankind; forhis personal qualities are all derived into the most minute parts of hisadministration. If this be just, prudent, regular, impartial, intentupon the public good, prepared for present exigencies, and provident ofthe future; such is the director himself in his private capacity: If itbe rapacious, insolent, partial, palliating long and deep diseases ofthe public with empirical remedies, false, disguised, impudent, malicious, revengeful; you shall infallibly find the private life of theconductor to answer in every point; nay, what is more, every twinge ofthe gout or gravel will be felt in their consequences by the community. As the thief-catcher, upon viewing a house broke open, could immediatelydistinguish, from the manner of the workmanship, by what hand it wasdone. 

It is hard to form a maxim against which an exception is not ready tostart up: So, in the present case, where the minister grows enormouslyrich, the public is proportionably poor; as, in a private family, thesteward always thrives the fastest when his lord is running out. 

 * * * * * * * * * *

AN ACCOUNT OF THE COURT AND EMPIRE OF JAPAN. [202]

Regoge[203] was the thirty-fourth emperor of Japan, and began his reignin the year 341 of the Christian era, succeeding to Nena, [204] aprincess who governed with great felicity. 

There had been a revolution in that empire about twenty-six yearsbefore, which made some breaches in the hereditary line; and Regoge, successor to Nena, although of the royal family, was a distantrelation. There were two violent parties in the empire, which began inthe time of the revolution above mentioned; and, at the death of theEmpress Nena, were in the highest degree of animosity, each charging theother with a design of introducing new gods, and changing the civilconstitution. The names of these two parties were Husiges andYortes. [205] The latter were those whom Nena, the late empress, mostfavoured towards the end of her reign, and by whose advice she governed. 

The Husige faction, enraged at their loss of power, made privateapplications to Regoge during the life of the empress; which prevailedso far, that, upon her death, the new emperor wholly disgraced theYortes, and employed only the Husiges in all his affairs. The Japaneseauthor highly blames his Imperial Majesty's proceeding in this affair;because, it was allowed on all hands, that he had then a happyopportunity of reconciling parties for ever by a moderating scheme. Buthe, on the contrary, began his reign by openly disgracing the principaland most popular Yortes, some of which had been chiefly instrumental inraising him to the throne. By this mistaken step he occasioned arebellion; which, although it were soon quelled by some very surprisingturns of fortune, yet the fear, whether real or pretended, of newattempts, engaged him in such immense charges, that, instead of clearingany part of that prodigious debt left on his kingdom by the former war, which might have been done by any tolerable management, in twelve yearsof the most profound peace; he left his empire loaden with a vastaddition to the old encumbrance. 

This prince, before he succeeded to the empire of Japan, was king ofTedsu, [206] a dominion seated on the continent, to the west side ofJapan. Tedsu was the place of his birth, and more beloved by him thanhis new empire; for there he spent some months almost every year, andthither was supposed to have conveyed great sums of money, saved out ofhis Imperial revenues. 

There were two maritime towns of great importance bordering uponTedsu:[207] Of these he purchased a litigated title; and, to support it, was forced not only to entrench deeply on his Japanese revenues, but toengage in alliances very dangerous to the Japanese empire. [208]

Japan was at that time a limited monarchy, which some authors are ofopinion was introduced there by a detachment from the numerous army ofBrennus, who ravaged a great part of Asia; and, those of them who fixedin Japan, left behind them that kind of military institution, which thenorthern people, in ensuing ages, carried through most parts of Europe;the generals becoming kings, the great officers a senate of nobles, witha representative from every centenary of private soldiers; and, in theassent of the majority in these two bodies, confirmed by the general, the legislature consisted. 

I need not farther explain a matter so universally known; but return tomy subject. 

The Husige faction, by a gross piece of negligence in the Yortes, had sofar insinuated themselves and their opinions into the favour of Regogebefore he came to the empire, that this prince firmly believed them tobe his only true friends, and the others his mortal enemies. [209] Bythis opinion he governed all the actions of his reign. 

The emperor died suddenly, in his journey to Tedsu; where, according tohis usual custom, he was going to pass the summer. 

This prince, during his whole reign, continued an absolute stranger tothe language, the manners, the laws, and the religion of Japan; andpassing his whole time among old mistresses, or a few privadoes, leftthe whole management of the empire in the hands of a minister, upon thecondition of being made easy in his personal revenues, and themanagement of parties in the senate. His last minister, [210] whogoverned in the most arbitrary manner for several years, he was thoughtto hate more than he did any other person in Japan, except his onlyson, the heir to the empire. The dislike he bore to the former was, because the minister, under pretence that he could not govern the senatewithout disposing of employments among them, would not suffer his masterto oblige one single person, but disposed of all to his own relationsand dependants. But, as to that continued and virulent hatred he bore tothe prince his son, from the beginning of his reign to his death, thehistorian hath not accounted for it, further than by variousconjectures, which do not deserve to be related. 

The minister above mentioned was of a family not contemptible, had beenearly a senator, and from his youth a mortal enemy to the Yortes. He hadbeen formerly disgraced in the senate, for some frauds in the managementof a public trust. [211] He was perfectly skilled, by long practice, inthe senatorial forms; and dexterous in the purchasing of votes, fromthose who could find their accounts better in complying with hismeasures, than they could probably lose by any tax that might be chargedon the kingdom. He seemed to fail, in point of policy, by not concealinghis gettings, never scrupling openly to lay out vast sums of money inpaintings, buildings, and purchasing estates; when it was known, that, upon his first coming into business, upon the death of the Empress Nena, his fortune was but inconsiderable. He had the most boldness, and theleast magnanimity that ever any mortal was endowed with. By enrichinghis relations, friends, and dependants, in a most exorbitant manner, hewas weak enough to imagine that he had provided a support against anevil day. He had the best among all false appearances of courage, whichwas a most unlimited assurance, whereby he would swagger the boldest meninto a dread of his power, but had not the smallest portion ofmagnanimity, growing jealous, and disgracing every man, who was known tobear the least civility to those he disliked. He had some smallsmattering in books, but no manner of politeness; nor, in his wholelife, was ever known to advance any one person, upon the score of wit, learning, or abilities for business. The whole system of his ministrywas corruption; and he never gave bribe or pension, without franklytelling the receivers what he expected from them, and threatening themto put an end to his bounty, if they failed to comply in everycircumstance. 

A few months before the emperor's death, there was a design concertedbetween some eminent persons of both parties, whom the desperate stateof the empire had united, to accuse the minister at the first meeting ofa new chosen senate, which was then to assemble according to the laws ofthat empire. And it was believed, that the vast expense he must be at inchoosing an assembly proper for his purpose, added to the low state ofthe treasury, the increasing number of pensioners, the great discontentof the people, and the personal hatred of the emperor; would, if welllaid open in the senate, be of weight enough to sink the minister, whenit should appear to his very pensioners and creatures that he could notsupply them much longer. 

While this scheme was in agitation, an account came of the emperor'sdeath, and the prince his son, [212] with universal joy, mounted thethrone of Japan. 

The new emperor had always lived a private life, during the reign of hisfather; who, in his annual absence, never trusted him more than oncewith the reins of government, which he held so evenly that he became toopopular to be confided in any more. He was thought not unfavourable tothe Yortes, at least not altogether to approve the virulence wherewithhis father proceeded against them; and therefore, immediately upon hissuccession, the principal persons of that denomination came, in severalbodies, to kiss the hem of his garment, whom he received with greatcourtesy, and some of them with particular marks of distinction. 

The prince, during the reign of his father, having not been trusted withany public charge, employed his leisure in learning the language, thereligion, the customs, and disposition of the Japanese; wherein hereceived great information, among others, from Nomptoc[213], master ofhis finances, and president of the senate, who secretly hated Lelop-Aw, the minister; and likewise from Ramneh[214], a most eminent senator;who, despairing to do any good with the father, had, with greatindustry, skill, and decency, used his endeavour to instil goodprinciples into the young prince. 

Upon the news of the former emperor's death, a grand council wassummoned of course, where little passed besides directing the ceremonyof proclaiming the successor. But, in some days after, the new emperorhaving consulted with those persons in whom he could chiefly confide, and maturely considered in his own mind the present state of hisaffairs, as well as the disposition of his people, convoked anotherassembly of his council; wherein, after some time spent in generalbusiness, suitable to the present emergency, he directed Lelop-Aw togive him, in as short terms as he conveniently could, an account of thenation's debts, of his management in the senate, and his negotiationswith foreign courts: Which that minister having delivered, according tohis usual manner, with much assurance and little satisfaction, theemperor desired to be fully satisfied in the following particulars. 

Whether the vast expense of choosing such members into the senate, aswould be content to do the public business, were absolutely necessary?

Whether those members, thus chosen in, would cross and impede thenecessary course of affairs, unless they were supplied with great sumsof money, and continued pensions?

Whether the same corruption and perverseness were to be expected fromthe nobles?

Whether the empire of Japan were in so low a condition, that theimperial envoys, at foreign courts, must be forced to purchasealliances, or prevent a war, by immense bribes, given to the ministersof all the neighbouring princes?

Why the debts of the empire were so prodigiously advanced, in a peace oftwelve years at home and abroad?

Whether the Yortes were universally enemies to the religion and laws ofthe empire, and to the imperial family now reigning?

Whether those persons, whose revenues consist in lands, do not givesurer pledges of fidelity to the public, and are more interested in thewelfare of the empire, than others whose fortunes consist only in money?

And because Lelop-Aw, for several years past, had engrossed the wholeadministration, the emperor signified, that from him alone he expectedan answer. 

This minister, who had sagacity enough to cultivate an interest in theyoung prince's family, during the late emperor's life, received earlyintelligence from one of his emissaries of what was intended at thecouncil, and had sufficient time to frame as plausible an answer as hiscause and conduct would allow. However, having desired a few minutes toput his thoughts in order, he delivered them in the following manner. 

 * * * * *

 "SIR, "Upon this short unexpected warning, to answer your Imperial Majesty'squeries I should be wholly at a loss, in your Majesty's august presence, and that of this most noble assembly, if I were armed with a weakerdefence than my own loyalty and integrity, and the prosperous success ofmy endeavours. 

"It is well known that the death of the Empress Nena happened in a mostmiraculous juncture; and that, if she had lived two months longer, yourillustrious family would have been deprived of your right, and we shouldhave seen an usurper upon your throne, who would have wholly changed theconstitution of this empire, both civil and sacred; and although thatempress died in a most opportune season, yet the peaceable entrance ofyour Majesty's father was effected by a continual series of miracles. The truth of this appears by that unnatural rebellion which the Yortesraised, without the least provocation, in the first year of the lateemperor's reign, which may be sufficient to convince your Majesty, thatevery soul of that denomination was, is, and will be for ever, afavourer of the Pretender, a mortal enemy to your illustrious family, and an introducer of new gods into the empire. Upon this foundation wasbuilt the whole conduct of our affairs; and, since a great majority ofthe kingdom was at that time reckoned to favour the Yortes faction, who, in the regular course of elections, must certainly be chosen members ofthe senate then to be convoked; it was necessary, by the force of money, to influence elections in such a manner, that your Majesty's fathermight have a sufficient number to weigh down the scale on his side, andthereby carry on those measures which could only secure him and hisfamily in the possession of the empire. To support this original plan Icame into the service: But the members of the senate, knowing themselvesevery day more necessary, upon the choosing of a new senate, I found thecharges to increase; and that, after they were chosen, they insistedupon an increase of their pensions; because they well knew that the workcould not be carried on without them: And I was more general in mydonatives, because I thought it was more for the honour of the crown, that every vote should pass without a division; and that, when a debatewas proposed, it should immediately be quashed, by putting the question. 

"Sir, The date of the present senate is expired, and your ImperialMajesty is now to convoke a new one; which, I confess, will be somewhatmore expensive than the last, because the Yortes, from your favourablereception, have begun to reassume a spirit whereof the country had someintelligence; and we know the majority of the people, without propermanagement, would be still in that fatal interest. However, I dareundertake, with the charge only of four hundred thousand sprangs, [215]to return as great a majority of senators of the true stamp, as yourMajesty can desire. As to the sums of money paid in foreign courts, Ihope, in some years, to ease the nation of them, when we and ourneighbours come to a good understanding. However, I will be bold to say, they are cheaper than a war, where your Majesty is to be a principal. 

"The pensions, indeed, to senators and other persons, must needsincrease, from the restiveness of some, and scrupulous nature of others;and the new members, who are unpractised, must have betterencouragement. However, I dare undertake to bring the eventual chargewithin eight hundred thousand sprangs. But, to make this easy, thereshall be new funds raised, of which I have several schemes ready, without taxing bread or flesh, which shall be referred to more pressingoccasions. 

"Your Majesty knows it is the laudable custom of all Eastern princes, toleave the whole management of affairs, both civil and military, to theirviziers. The appointments for your family, and private purse, shallexceed those of your predecessors: You shall be at no trouble, furtherthan to appear sometimes in council, and leave the rest to me: You shallhear no clamour or complaints: Your senate shall, upon occasions, declare you the best of princes, the father of your country, the arbiterof Asia, the defender of the oppressed, and the delight of mankind. 

"Sir, Hear not those who would most falsely, impiously, and maliciouslyinsinuate, that your government can be carried on without thatwholesome, necessary expedient, of sharing the public revenue with yourfaithful deserving senators. This, I know, my enemies are pleased tocall bribery and corruption. Be it so: But I insist, that without thisbribery and corruption, the wheels of government will not turn, or atleast will be apt to take fire, like other wheels, unless they begreased at proper times. If an angel from heaven should descend, togovern this empire upon any other scheme than what our enemies callcorruption, he must return from whence he came, and leave the workundone. 

"Sir, It is well known we are a trading nation, and consequently cannotthrive in a bargain where nothing is to be gained. The poor electors, who run from their shops, or the plough, for the service of theircountry, are they not to be considered for their labour and theirloyalty? The candidates, who, with the hazard of their persons, the lossof their characters, and the ruin of their fortunes, are preferred tothe senate, in a country where they are strangers, before the very lordsof the soil; are they not to be rewarded for their zeal to yourMajesty's service, and qualified to live in your metropolis as becomesthe lustre of their stations?

"Sir, If I have given great numbers of the most profitable employmentsamong my own relations and nearest allies, it was not out of anypartiality, but because I know them best, and can best depend upon them. I have been at the pains to mould and cultivate their opinions. Ablerheads might probably have been found, but they would not be equallyunder my direction. A huntsman, who hath the absolute command of hisdogs, will hunt more effectually than with a better pack, to whosemanner and cry he is a stranger. 

"Sir, Upon the whole, I will appeal to all those who best knew yourroyal father, whether that blessed monarch had ever one anxious thoughtfor the public, or disappointment, or uneasiness, or want of money forall his occasions, during the time of my administration? And, how happythe people confessed themselves to be under such a king, I leave totheir own numerous addresses; which all politicians will allow to be themost infallible proof how any nation stands affected to theirsovereign. "

 * * * * *

Lelop-Aw, having ended his speech and struck his forehead thrice againstthe table, as the custom is in Japan, sat down with great complacency ofmind, and much applause of his adherents, as might be observed by theircountenances and their whispers. But the Emperor's behaviour wasremarkable; for, during the whole harangue, he appeared equallyattentive and uneasy. After a short pause, His Majesty commanded thatsome other counsellor should deliver his thoughts, either to confirm orobject against what had been spoken by Lelop-Aw. 

THE ANSWER OF THE RIGHT HON. WILLIAM PULTENEY, ESQ. , TO THERIGHT HON. SIR ROBERT WALPOLE. [216]

 Oct. 15, 1730. SIR, A pamphlet was lately sent me, entitled, "A Letter from the RightHonourable Sir R. W. To the Right Honourable W. P. Esq; occasioned by thelate Invectives on the King, her Majesty, and all the Royal Family. " Bythese initial letters of our names, the world is to understand that youand I must be meant. Although the letter seems to require an answer, yetbecause it appears to be written rather in the style and manner used bysome of your pensioners, than your own, I shall allow you the liberty tothink the same of this answer, and leave the public to determine whichof the two actors can better personate their principals. That frigid andfustian way of haranguing wherewith your representer begins, continues, and ends his declamation, I shall leave to the critics in eloquence andpropriety to descant on; because it adds nothing to the weight of youraccusations, nor will my defence be one grain the better by exposing itspuerilities. 

I shall therefore only remark upon this particular, that the frauds andcorruptions in most other arts and sciences, as law, physic (I shallproceed no further) are usually much more plausibly defended than inthat of politics; whether it be, that by a kind of fatality thevindication of a corrupt minister is always left to the management ofthe meanest and most prostitute writers; or whether it be, that theeffects of a wicked or unskilful administration, are more public, visible, pernicious and universal. Whereas the mistakes in othersciences are often matters that affect only speculation; or at worst, the bad consequences fall upon few and private persons. A nation isquickly sensible of the miseries it feels, and little comforted byknowing what account it turns to by the wealth, the power, the honoursconferred on those who sit at the helm, or the salaries paid to theirpenmen; while the body of the people is sunk into poverty and despair. AFrenchman in his wooden shoes may, from the vanity of his nation, andthe constitution of that government, conceive some imaginary pleasure inboasting the grandeur of his monarch, in the midst of his own slavery;but a free-born Englishman, with all his loyalty, can find littlesatisfaction at a minister overgrown in wealth and power from the lowestdegree of want and contempt; when that power or wealth are drawn fromthe bowels and blood of the nation, for which every fellow-subject is asufferer, except the great man himself, his family, and his pensioners. I mean such a minister (if there hath ever been such a one) whose wholemanagement hath been a continued link of ignorance, blunders, andmistakes in every article besides that of enriching and aggrandizinghimself. 

For these reasons the faults of men, who are most trusted in publicbusiness, are, of all others, the most difficult to be defended. A manmay be persuaded into a wrong opinion, wherein he hath small concern:but no oratory can have the power over a sober man against theconviction of his own senses: and therefore, as I take it, the moneythrown away on such advocates might be more prudently spared, and keptin such a minister's own pocket, than lavished in hiring a corporationof pamphleteers to defend his conduct, and prove a kingdom to beflourishing in trade and wealth, which every particular subject (exceptthose few already excepted) can lawfully swear, and, by dear experienceknows, to be a falsehood. 

Give me leave, noble sir, in the way of argument, to suppose this to beyour case; could you in good conscience, or moral justice, chide yourpaper-advocates for their ill success in persuading the world againstmanifest demonstration? Their miscarriage is owing, alas! to want ofmatter. Should we allow them to be masters of wit, raillery, orlearning, yet the subject would not admit them to exercise theirtalents; and, consequently, they can have no recourse but to impudence, lying, and scurrility. 

I must confess, that the author of your letter to me hath carried thislast qualification to a greater height than any of his fellows: but hehath, in my opinion, failed a little in point of politeness from theoriginal which he affects to imitate. If I should say to a primeminister, "Sir, you have sufficiently provided that Dunkirk should beabsolutely demolished and never repaired; you took the best advantagesof a long and general peace to discharge the immense debts of thenation; you did wonders with the fleet; you made the Spaniards submit toour quiet possession of Gibraltar and Portmahon; you never enrichedyourself and family at the expense of the public. "--Such is the style ofyour supposed letter, which however, if I am well informed, by no meanscomes up to the refinements of a fishwife in Billingsgate. "You neverhad a bastard by Tom the waterman; you never stole a silver tankard; youwere never whipped at the cart's tail. "

In the title of your letter, it is said to be "occasioned by the lateinvectives on the King, her Majesty, and all the Royal Family:" and thewhole contents of the paper (stripped from your eloquence) goes on upona supposition affectedly serious, that their Majesties, and the wholeRoyal Family, have been lately bitterly and publicly inveighed againstin the most enormous and treasonable manner. Now, being a man, as youwell know, altogether out of business, I do sometimes lose an hour inreading a few of those controversial papers upon politics, which havesucceeded for some years past to the polemical tracts between Whig andTory: and in this kind of reading (if it may deserve to be so called)although I have been often but little edified, or entertained, yet hathit given me occasion to make some observations. First, I have observed, that however men may sincerely agree in all the branches of the LowChurch principle, in a tenderness for dissenters of every kind, in aperfect abhorrence of Popery and the Pretender, and in the most firmadherence to the Protestant succession in the royal house of Hanover;yet plenty of matter may arise to kindle their animosities against eachother from the various infirmities, follies, and vices inherent inmankind. 

Secondly, I observed, that although the vulgar reproach which chargesthe quarrels between ministers, and their opposers, to be only acontention for power between those who are in, and those who would be inif they could; yet as long as this proceeds no further than a scuffle ofambition among a few persons, it is only a matter of course, whereby thepublic is little affected. But when corruptions are plain, open, andundisguised, both in their causes and effects, to the hazard of anation's ruin, and so declared by all the principal persons and the bulkof the people, those only excepted who are gainers by those corruptions:and when such ministers are forced to fly for shelter to the throne, with a complaint of disaffection to majesty against all who durstdislike their administration: such a general disposition in the minds ofmen, cannot, I think, by any rules of reason, be called the "clamour ofa few disaffected incendiaries, " gasping[217] after power. It is thetrue voice of the people; which must and will at last be heard, orproduce consequences that I dare not mention. 

I have observed thirdly, that among all the offensive printed paperswhich have come to my hand, whether good or bad, the writers have takenparticular pains to celebrate the virtues of our excellent King andQueen, even where these were, strictly speaking, no part of the subject:nor can it be properly objected that such a proceeding was only a blindto cover their malice towards you and your assistants; because toaffront the King, Queen, or the Royal Family, as it would be directlyopposite to the principles that those kind of writers have alwaysprofessed, so it would destroy the very end they have in pursuit. And itis somewhat remarkable, that those very writers against you, and theregiment you command, are such as most distinguish themselves upon all, or upon no occasions, by their panegyrics on their prince; and, as allof them do this without favour or hire, so some of them continue thesame practice under the severest prosecution by you and your janizaries. 

You seem to know, or at least very strongly to conjecture, who thosepersons are that give you so much weekly disquiet. Will you dare toassert that any of these are Jacobites, endeavour to alienate the heartsof the people, to defame the prince, and then dethrone him (for theseare your expressions) and that I am their patron, their bulwark, theirhope, and their refuge? Can you think I will descend to vindicate myselfagainst an aspersion so absurd? God be thanked, we have had many achange of ministry without changing our prince: for if it had beenotherwise, perhaps revolutions might have been more frequent. Heavenforbid that the welfare of a great kingdom, and of a brave people, should be trusted with the thread of a single subject's life; for Isuppose it is not yet in your view to entail the ministryship in yourfamily. Thus I hope we may live to see different ministers and differentmeasures, without any danger to the succession in the royal Protestantline of Hanover. 

You are pleased to advance a topic, which I could never heartily approveof in any party, although they have each in their turn advanced it whilethey had the superiority. You tell us, "It is hard that while everyprivate man shall have the liberty to choose what servants he pleaseth, the same privilege should be refused to a king. " This assertion, crudelyunderstood, can hardly be supported. If by servants be only meant thosewho are purely menial, who provide for their master's food and clothing, or for the convenience and splendour of his family, the point is notworth debating. But the bad or good choice of a chancellor, a secretary, an ambassador, a treasurer, and many other officers, is of very highconsequence to the whole kingdom; so is likewise that amphibious race ofcourtiers between servants and ministers; such as the steward, chamberlain, treasurer of the household and the like, being all of theprivy council, and some of the cabinet, who according to their talents, their principles, and their degree of favour, may be great instrumentsof good or evil, both to the subject and the prince; so that theparallel is by no means adequate between a prince's court and a privatefamily. And yet if an insolent footman be troublesome in theneighbourhood; if he breaks the people's windows, insults theirservants, breaks into other folk's houses to pilfer what he can find, although he belong to a duke, and be a favourite in his station, yetthose who are injured may, without just offence, complain to his lord, and for want of redress get a warrant to send him to the stocks, toBridewell, or to Newgate, according to the nature and degree of hisdelinquencies. Thus the servants of the prince, whether menial orotherwise, if they be of his council, are subject to the enquiries andprosecutions of the great council of the nation, even as far as tocapital punishment; and so must ever be in our constitution, till aminister can procure a majority even of that council to shelter him;which I am sure you will allow to be a desperate crisis under any partyof the most plausible denomination. 

The only instance you produce, or rather insinuate, to prove the lateinvectives against the King, Queen, and Royal Family, is drawn from thatdeduction of the English history, published in several papers by the_Craftsman_; wherein are shewn the bad consequences to the public, aswell as to the prince, from the practices of evil ministers in mostreigns, and at several periods, when the throne was filled by wisemonarchs as well as by weak. This deduction, therefore, cannotreasonably give the least offence to a British king, when he shallobserve that the greatest and ablest of his predecessors, by their owncandour, by a particular juncture of affairs, or by the generalinfirmity of human nature, have sometimes put too much trust inconfident, insinuating, and avaricious ministers. 

Wisdom, attended by virtue and a generous nature, is not unapt to beimposed on. Thus Milton describes Uriel, "the sharpest-sighted spirit inheaven, " and "regent of the sun, " deceived by the dissimulation andflattery of the devil, for which the poet gives a philosophical reason, but needless here to quote. [218] Is anything more common, or moreuseful, than to caution wise men in high stations against putting toomuch trust in undertaking servants, cringing flatterers, or designingfriends? Since the Asiatic custom of governing by prime ministers hathprevailed in so many courts of Europe, how careful should every princebe in the choice of the person on whom so great a trust is devolved, whereon depend the safety and welfare of himself and all his subjects. Queen Elizabeth, whose administration is frequently quoted as the bestpattern for English princes to follow, could not resist the artifices ofthe Earl of Leicester, who, although universally allowed to be the mostambitious, insolent, and corrupt person of his age, was yet hergreatest, and almost her only favourite: (his religion indeed beingpartly puritan and partly infidel, might have better tallied withpresent times) yet this wise queen would never suffer the openestenemies of that overgrown lord to be sacrificed to his vengeance; nordurst he charge them with a design of introducing Popery or the Spanishpretender. 

How many great families do we all know, whose masters have passed forpersons of good abilities, during the whole course of their lives, andyet the greatest part of whose estates have sunk in the hands of theirstewards and receivers; their revenues paid them in scanty portions, atlarge discount, and treble interest, though they did not know it; whilethe tenants were daily racked, and at the same time accused to theirlandlords of insolvency. Of this species are such managers, who, likehonest Peter Waters, pretend to clear an estate, keep the ownerpenniless, and, after seven years, leave him five times more in debt, while they sink half a plum into their own pockets. 

Those who think themselves concerned, may give you thanks for thatgracious liberty you are pleased to allow them of "taking vengeance onthe ministers, and there shooting their envenomed arrows. " As to myself;I neither owe you vengeance, nor make use of such weapons: but it isyour weakness, or ill fortune, or perhaps the fault of yourconstitution, to convert wholesome remedies into poison; for you havereceived better and more frequent instructions than any minister of yourage and country, if God had given you the grace to apply them. 

I dare promise you the thanks of half the kingdom, if you will please toperform the promise you have made of suffering the _Craftsman_ andcompany, or whatever other "infamous wretches and execrable villains"you mean, to take their vengeance only on your own sacred ministerialperson, without bringing any of your brethren, much less the most remotebranch of the Royal Family, into the debate. This generous offer Isuspected from the first; because there were never heard of so many, sounnecessary, and so severe prosecutions as you have promoted during yourministry, in a kingdom where the liberty of the press is so muchpretended to be allowed. But in reading a page or two, I found youthought it proper to explain away your grant; for there you tell us, that "these miscreants" (meaning the writers against you) "are toremember that the laws have ABUNDANTLY LESS generous, less mildand merciful sentiments" than yourself, and into their secular hands thepoor authors must be delivered to fines, prisons, pillories, whippings, and the gallows. Thus your promise of impunity, which began somewhatjesuitically, concludes with the mercy of a Spanish inquisitor. 

If it should so happen that I am neither "abettor, patron, protector, "nor "supporter" of these imaginary invectives "against the King, herMajesty, or any of the Royal Family, " I desire to know whatsatisfaction I am to get from you, or the creature you employed inwriting the libel which I am now answering? It will be no excuse tosay, that I differ from you in every particular of your politicalreason and practise; because that will be to load the best, thesoundest, and most numerous part of the kingdom with the denominationsyou are pleased to bestow upon me, that they are "Jacobites, wickedmiscreants, infamous wretches, execrable villains, and defamers of theKing, Queen, and all the Royal Family, " and "guilty of high treason. "You cannot know my style; but I can easily know your works, which areperformed in the sight of the sun. Your good inclinations arevisible; but I begin to doubt the strength of your credit, even atcourt, that you have not power to make his Majesty believe me theperson which you represent in your libel: as most infallibly you haveoften attempted, and in vain, because I must otherwise have found itby the marks of his royal displeasure. However, to be angry with youto whom I am indebted for the greatest obligation I could possiblyreceive, would be the highest ingratitude. It is to YOU I owe thatreputation I have acquired for some years past of being a lover of mycountry and its constitution: to YOU I owe the libels and scurrilitiesconferred upon me by the worst of men, and consequently some degree ofesteem and friendship from the best. From YOU I learned the skill ofdistinguishing between a patriot and a plunderer of his country: andfrom YOU I hope in time to acquire the knowledge of being a loyal, faithful, and useful servant to the best of princes, King George theSecond; and therefore I can conclude, by your example, but withgreater truth, that I am not only with humble submission and respect, but with infinite gratitude, Sir, your most obedient and most obligedservant, W. P. 

 INDEX

 Acheson, Sir Arthur, 246. 

 Alberoni's expedition, 207. 

 Allen, Joshua, Lord, his attack on Swift, 168, 169, 175, 176, 236, 237; account of, 175. 

 America, emigration from Ireland to, 120. 

 Arachne, fable of, 21. 

 Ballaquer, Carteret's secretary, 242. 

 Bank, proposal for a national, in Ireland, 27, 31, 38, 42, 43; subscribers to the, 49-51. 

 Barbou, Dr Nicholas, 69. 

 Barnstaple, the chief market for Irish wool, 18. 

 Beggars in Ireland, 70; Proposal for giving Badges to, 323-335; reason for the number of, 341. 

 Birch, Colonel John, 6. 

 Bishops, Swift's proposal to sell the lands of the, 252 _et seq. _

 Bladon, Colonel, 23. 

 Bolingbroke, Lord, his contributions to the "Craftsman, " 219, 375, 377. 

 Boulter, Archbishop, his scheme for lowering the gold coinage, 353; opposed by Swift, 353, 354. 

 Browne, Sir John, his "Scheme of the money matters of Ireland, " 66; Swift's answer to his "Memorial, " 109-116. 

 Burnet, William, 121. 

 Carteret, John, Lord, 227; Swift's Vindication of, 229-249. 

 Coinage, McCulla's proposal about, 179-190; Swift's counter-proposal, 183. 

 Coining, forbidden in Ireland, 88, 134. 

 Compton, Sir Spencer, 387. 

 Corn, imported into Ireland from England, 17. 

 "Cossing, " explained, 271. 

 Cotter, ballad upon, 23. 

 "Craftsman, " the, 219, 375, 397, 399. 

 Davenport, Colonel, 280. 

 Delany, Dr. Patrick, 244. 

 Dublin, thieves and roughs in, 56; Examination of certain Abuses, etc, in, 263-282; Advice to the Freemen of, in the Choice of a Member of Parliament, 311-316; Considerations in the Choice of a Recorder of, 319, 320. 

 Dunkin, Rev. William, Swift's efforts in behalf of, 364, 368. 

 Dutton-Colt, Sir Harry, 280. 

 Elliston, Ebenezer, Last Speech of, 56 _et seq. _

 Esquire, the title of, 49. 

 Footmen, Petition of the, 307. 

 French, Humphry, Lord Mayor of Dublin, 310, 311. 

 French army, recruited in Ireland, 218, 220. 

 Frogs, propagation of, in Ireland, 340. 

 Galway, Earl of, 235. 

 Grafton, Duke of, 194. 

 Grimston, Lord, his "Lawyer's Fortune, or Love in a Hollow Tree, " 24. 

 Gwythers, Dr. , introduces frogs into Ireland, 340. 

 Hanmer, Sir Thomas, 387. 

 Hospital for Incurables, Scheme for a, 283-303. 

 Hutcheson, Hartley, 234. 

 Injured Lady, Story of the, 97-103; Answer to the, 107-109. 

 Ireland, the Test Act in, 2, 5 _et seq. _; exportation of wool from, forbidden, 17, 18, 110, 111, 157, 158; absentee landlords, 25, 69, 71, 101, 162; Sheridan's account of the state of, 26-30; proposal for establishing a National Bank in, 31, 38, 42, 43; maxims controlled in, 65; poverty of, 25, 66, 87, 89, 90, 122; increase of rents in, 67, 163; begging and thieving in, 70; Short view of the State of, 83-91; importation of cattle into England prohibited, 86, 100, 110, 221; encouragement of the linen manufactures in, 102, 158; luxury and extravagance among the women in, 124, 139, 198, 199, 219; condition of the roads in, 130; bad management of the bogs in, 131; dishonesty of tradesmen in, 142, 147; the National Debt of, 196; famine in, 203; population of, 208; persecution of Roman Catholics in, 263. 

 Irish brogue, the, 346. 

 Irish eloquence, 361. 

 Irish language, proposal to abolish the, 133. 

 Irish peers, titles of, 349. 

 Japan, Account of the Court and Empire of, 382-391. 

 King, Archbishop, 21, 119, 136, 244, 326. 

 Lindsay, Robert, 259. 

 Linen trade in Ireland, the, 88, 102, 158. 

 Littleton, Sir Thomas, 7. 

 Lorrain, Paul, ordinary of Newgate, 34. 

 Macarrell, John, 310, 311. 

 McCulla's Project about halfpence, 179-190. 

 Manufactures, Irish, Proposal for the Universal use of, 17-30; Proposal that all Ladies should appear constantly in, 193-199. _See also_ "Woollen Manufactures. "

 Mar, Earl of, 164. 

 Maxwell, Henry, his pamphlets in favour of a bank in Ireland, 38. 

 Mist, Nathaniel, 194. 

 National Debt, Proposal to pay off the, 251-258. 

 Navigation Act, the effect of, in Ireland, 66, 86. 

 Norton, Richard, 301. 

 "Orange, the squeezing of the, " 275. 

 Penn, William, 120. 

 Perron, Cardinal, anecdote of, 238. 

 Peterborough, Lord, letter of Swift to, April 28, 1726, 154-156. 

 Phipps, Sir Constantine, 244. 

 "Pistorides" (Richard Tighe), 233, 235. 

 Poor, Considerations about maintaining the, 339-342. 

 Poyning's Law, 103, 105. 

 Psalmanazar, George, his Description of the Island of Formosa, 211. 

 Pulteney, William, the "Craftsman" founded by, 219, 375; "Answer of, to Robert Walpole, " 392-400. 

 Quilca, life at, 74, 75-77. 

 Rents, raising of, in Ireland, 163. 

 Roads, in Ireland, condition of the, 130. 

 Roman Catholics, legislation against, 5; petty persecution of, in Ireland, 263. 

 Rowley, Hercules, his pamphlets against the establishment of a bank in Ireland, 38. 

 Savoy, Duke of, 277. 

 Scotland, description of, 97, 98. 

 Scots in Sweden, 9. 

 Scottish colonists in Ulster, 104. 

 Sheridan, Dr. Thomas, 74; his account of the state of Ireland, 26-30; given a chaplaincy by Carteret, 232, 241; anecdote of Carteret, related by, 232; informed against by Tighe, 233, 242. 

 Stanley, Sir John, Commissioner of Customs, 197. 

 Stannard, Eaton, elected Recorder of Dublin, 319, 366. 

 Stopford, Dr. James, Bishop of Cloyne, 243. 

 Street cries explained, 268-270, 275-281. 

 Swan, Mr. , 280. 

 Swandlingbar, origin of the name of, 347. 

 Swearer's Bank, the, 41. 

 Swift, Godwin, 347. 

 Swift, Jonathan, the freedom of the City of Dublin conferred on, 168; his speech on the occasion, 169-172; confesses the authorship of the "Drapier's Letters, " 171; born in Dublin, 267; his opposition to Archbishop Boulter, 353, 354; his speech on the lowering of the coin, 357; his efforts in behalf of Mr. Dunkin, 364-368; receives the freedom of the City of Cork, 367; appoints Dr. Wynne Sub-dean of St. Patrick's, 370. 

 Temple, Sir William, his comparison of Holland and Ireland, 164. 

 Test Act, in Ireland, 2, 5 _et seq. _

 Thompson, Edward, Commissioner of the Revenue in Ireland, 315. 

 Tickell, T. , 242. 

 Tighe, Richard, informs against Sheridan, 74, 233, 242; attacks Carteret, 228; ridiculed as "Pistorides, " 233, 235. 

 "Traulus" (Lord Allen), 176, 236. 

 Trees, planting of, in Ireland, 132. 

 Violante, Madam, 234. 

 Wallis, Dr. , 280. 

 Walpole, Sir Robert, interview of Swift with, in 1726, 153; his views on Ireland, 154; satire on, 276; his literary assistants, 379, 393 _et seq. _; character of, 384 _et seq. _

 Waters, Edward, Swift's printer, 171, 193. 

 Whitshed, Lord Chief Justice, 14, 86, 115, 129, 171, 193, 194. 

 Wine, proposed tax on, 196, 197. 

 Wool, Irish, exportation of, forbidden by law, 17, 18, 110, 111, 157, 158; effect of the prohibition on England, 160. 

 Woollen manufactures, Irish people should use their own, 137 _et seq. _; Observations on the case of the, 147-150. 

 Wynne, Rev. Dr. John, Sub-dean of St. Patrick's, 370. 

~FOOTNOTES:~

[1] "Unpublished Letters of Swift, " edited by Dr. Birkbeck Hill, 1899. 

[2] Mr. Murray's MSS. , quoted by Craik. 

[3] It appeared almost impossible for Swift to see the injustice of thistest clause. In reality, it had been the outcome of the legislationagainst the Irish Roman Catholics. In 1703 the Irish parliament hadpassed a bill by which it was enacted, "that all estates should beequally divided among the children of Roman Catholics, notwithstandingany settlements to the contrary, unless the persons to whom they were todescend, would qualify, by taking the oaths prescribed by government, and conform to the established church" (Crawford's "History of Ireland, "1783, vol. Ii. , p. 256). The bill was transmitted to England, forapproval there, at a time when Anne was asking the Emperor for hisindulgence towards the Protestants of his realms. This placed the Queenin an awkward position, since she could hardly expect indulgence from aRoman Catholic monarch towards Protestants when she, a Protestantmonarch, was persecuting Roman Catholics. To obviate this dilemma, theQueen's ministers added a clause to the bill, "by which all persons inIreland were rendered incapable of any employment under the crown, or, of being magistrates in any city, who, agreeably to the English testact, did not receive the sacrament as prescribed by the Church ofEngland" (_ibid. _). Under this clause, of course, came all theProtestant Dissenters, including the Presbyterians "from the north. " Thebill so amended passed into law; but its iniquitous influence was adisgrace to the legislators of the day, and his advocacy of it, howevermuch he was convinced of its expediency, proves Swift a short-sightedstatesman wherever the enemies of the Church of England were concerned. [T. S. ]

[4] Colonel John Birch (1616-1691) was of Lancashire. Swift calls him"of Herefordshire, " because he had been appointed governor of the cityof Hereford, after he had captured it by a stratagem, in 1654. Devotedlyattached to Presbyterian principles, Birch was a man of shrewd businessabilities and remarkable oratorical gifts. On the restoration of CharlesII. , in which he took a prominent part on account of Charles'schampionship of Presbyterianism, Birch held important business posts. Hesat in parliament for Leominster and Penrhyn, and his plans for therebuilding of London after the Great Fire, though they were not adopted, were yet such as would have been extremely salutary had they beenaccepted. Of his eloquence, Burnet says: "He was the roughest andboldest speaker in the house, and talked in the language and phrases ofa carrier, but with a beauty and eloquence, that was always acceptable. "The reference to the carrier is purposely made, since Birch did not hidethe fact that he had once pursued that occupation. Swift was twenty-fouryears of age when Birch died, so that he must have been a very young manwhen he heard Birch make the remark he quotes. [T. S. ]

[5] Sir Thomas Littleton (1647?-1710) was chosen Speaker of the EnglishHouse of Commons by the junto in 1698. Onslow, in a note to Burnet's"History, " speaks of the good work he did as treasurer of the navy. Macky describes him as "a stern-looked man, with a brown complexion, well shaped" (see "Characters"). At the time of Swift's writing theabove letter, Littleton was member for Portsmouth. [T. S. ]

[6] Viscount Molesworth, in his "Considerations for promoting theAgriculture of Ireland" (1723), pointed out, that even with the addedexpense of freight, it was cheaper to import corn from England, than togrow it in Ireland itself. [T. S. ]

[7] Mr. Lecky points out that in England, after the Revolution, thecouncils were directed by commercial influence. At that time there wasan important woollen industry in England which, it was feared, thegrowing Irish woollen manufactures would injure. The Englishmanufacturers petitioned for their total destruction, and the House ofLords, in response to the petition, represented to the King that "thegrowing manufacture of cloth in Ireland, both by the cheapness of allsorts of necessaries of life, and goodness of materials for making allmanner of cloth, doth invite your subjects of England, with theirfamilies and servants, to leave their habitations to settle there, tothe increase of the woollen manufacture in Ireland, which makes yourloyal subjects in this kingdom very apprehensive that the further growthof it may greatly prejudice the said manufacture here. " The Commons wentfurther, and suggested the advisability of discouraging the industry byhindering the exportation of wool from Ireland to other countries andlimiting it to England alone. The Act of 10 and 11 Will. III. C. 10, made the suggestion law and even prohibited entirely the exportation ofIrish wool anywhere. Thus, as Swift puts it, "the politic gentlemen ofIreland have depopulated vast tracts of the best land, for the feedingof sheep. " See notes to later tracts in this volume on "Observations onthe Woollen Manufactures" and "Letter on the Weavers. " [T. S. ]

[8] That Swift did not exaggerate may be gathered from the statutebooks, and, more immediately, from Hely Hutchinson's "CommercialRestraints of Ireland" (1779), Arthur Dobbs's "Trade and Improvement ofIreland, " Lecky's "History of Ireland, " vols. I. And ii. , and MonckMason's notes in his "History of St. Patrick's Cathedral, " p. 320 _etseq. _ [T. S. ]

[9] Barnstaple was, at that time, the chief market in England for Irishwool. [T. S. ]

[10] In 1726, Swift presented some pieces of Irish manufactured silk tothe Princess of Wales and to Mrs. Howard. In sending the silk to Mrs. Howard he wrote also a letter in which he remarked: "I beg you will nottell any parliament man from whence you had that plaid; otherwise, outof malice, they will make a law to cut off all our weavers' fingers. "[T. S. ]

[11] This last sentence is as the original edition has it. In Faulkner'sfirst collected edition and in the fifth volume of the "Miscellanies"(London, 1735), the following occurs in its place: "I must confess, thatas to the former, I should not be sorry if they would stay at home; andfor the latter, I hope, in a little time we shall have no occasion forthem. "

Swift knew what he was advising when he suggested that the people ofIreland should not import their goods from England. He was well awarethat English manufactures were not really necessary. Sir William Pettyhad, a half century before, pointed out that a third of the manufacturesthen imported into Ireland could be produced by its own factories, another third could as easily and as cheaply be obtained from countriesother than England, and "consequently, that it was scarce necessary atall for Ireland to receive any goods of England, and not convenient toreceive above one-fourth part, from thence, of the whole which itneedeth to import" ("Polit. Anatomy of Ireland, " 1672). [T. S. ]

[12] Faulkner and the "Miscellanies" (London, 1735) print, instead of, "as any prelate in Christendom, " the words, "as if he had not been bornamong us. " The Archbishop was Dr. William King, with whom Swift had hadmuch correspondence. See "Letters" in Scott's edition (1824). 

Dr. William King, who succeeded Narcissus Marsh as Archbishop of Dublinin March, 1702-3. Swift had not always been on friendly terms with King, but, at this time, they were in sympathy as to the wrongs and grievancesof Ireland. King strongly supported the agitation against Wood'shalfpence, but later, when he attempted to interfere with the affairs ofthe Deanery of St. Patrick's, Swift and he came to an open rupture. Seealso volume on the Drapier's Letters, in this edition. [T. S. ]

[13] Faulkner and the "Miscellanies" of 1735 print this amount as "threethousand six hundred. " This was the sum paid by the lord-lieutenant tothe lords-justices, who represented him in the government of Ireland. The lord-lieutenant himself did not then, as the viceroy of Ireland doesnow, take up his residence in the country. Although in receipt of alarge salary, he only came to Dublin to deliver the speeches at theopenings of parliament, or on some other special occasion. [T. S. ]

[14] The Dublin edition of this pamphlet has a note stating that Cotterwas a gentleman of Cork who was executed for committing a rape on aQuaker. [T. S. ]

[15] Said to be Colonel Bladon (1680-1746), who translated theCommentaries of Cĉsar. He was a dependant of the Duke of Marlborough, towhom he dedicated this translation. [T. S. ]

[16] Lord Grimston. William Luckyn, first Viscount Grimston (1683-1756), was created an Irish peer with the title Baron Dunboyne in 1719. Thefull title of the play to which Swift refers, is "The Lawyer's Fortune, or, Love in a Hollow Tree. " It was published in 1705. Swift refers toGrimston in his verses "On Poetry, a Rhapsody. " Pope, in one of hissatires, calls him "booby lord. " Grimston withdrew his play fromcirculation after the second edition, but it was reprinted in Rotterdamin 1728 and in London in 1736. Dr. Johnson told Chesterfield a storywhich made the Duchess of Marlborough responsible for this Londonreprint, which had for frontispiece the picture of an ass wearing acoronet. [T. S. ]

[17] The original edition prints "ministers" instead of "chiefgovernors. " [T. S. ]

[18] In 1720 Bishop Nicholson of Derry, writing to the Archbishop ofCanterbury, describes the wretched condition of the towns and thecountry districts, and the misery of their population:

"Our trade of all kind is at a stand, insomuch as that our most eminentmerchants, who used to pay bills of _1, 000l. _ at sight, are hardly ableto raise _100l. _ in so many days. Spindles of yarn (our daily bread) arefallen from _2s. 6d. _ to _15d. _, and everything also in proportion. Our best beef (as good as I ever ate in England) is sold under _3/4d. _ apound, and all this not from any extraordinary plenty of commodities, but from a perfect dearth of money. Never did I behold even in Picardy, Westphalia, or Scotland, such dismal marks of hunger and want asappeared in the countenances of most of the poor creatures I met with onthe road. " (Brit. Mus. Add. MSS. 6116, quoted by Lecky. ) [T. S. ]

[19] The "absentee" landlord was an evil to Ireland on which much hasbeen written. It was difficult to keep the country in order when thelanded proprietors took so little interest in their possessions as to donothing but exact rents from their tenants and spend the money soobtained in England. Two, and even three, hundred years before Swift'sday "absenteeism" had been the cause of much of the rebellion in Irelandwhich harassed the English monarchs, who endeavoured to put a stop tothe evil by confiscating the estates of such landlords. Acts were passedby Richard II. And Henry VIII. To this effect; but in later times, thestatutes were ignored and not enforced, and the Irish landlord, inendeavours to obtain for himself social recognition and standing inEngland which, because of his Irish origin, were denied him, remained inEngland indulging himself in lavish expenditure and display. Theconsequences of this were the impoverishment of his estates and theireventual management by rack-renters. These rack-renters, whose onlyinterest lay in squeezing money out of the impoverished tenants, becamethe bane of the agricultural holder. 

Unfortunately, the spirit of "absenteeism" extended itself to theholders of offices in Ireland, and even the lord-lieutenant rarely tookup his residence in Dublin for any time longer than necessitated by theimmediate demands of his installation and speech-making, although hedrew his emoluments from the Irish revenues. In the "List of Absentees"instances are given where men appointed to Irish offices would land onSaturday night, receive the sacrament on Sunday, take the oath in courton Monday morning, and be on their way back to England by Mondayafternoon. 

It has been calculated that out of a total rental of £1, 800, 000, as muchas 33-1/3 per cent. Was sent out of the country. [T. S. ]

[20] Sheridan, in the sixth number of "The Intelligencer, " contributesan account of the state of Ireland, written to the text, "O patria! Odivûm domus!"

"When I travel through any part of this unhappy kingdom, and I have nowby several excursions made from Dublin, gone through most counties ofit, it raises two passions in my breast of a different kind; anindignation against those vile betrayers and insulters of it, whoinsinuate themselves into favour, by saying, it is a rich nation; and asincere passion for the natives, who are sunk to the lowest degree ofmisery and poverty, whose houses are dunghills, whose victuals are theblood of their cattle, or the herbs in the field; and whose clothing, tothe dishonour of God and man, is nakedness. Yet notwithstanding all thedismal appearances, it is the common phrase of our upstart race ofpeople, who have suddenly sprang up like the dragon's teeth among us, _That Ireland was never known to be so rich as it is now_; by which, asI apprehend, they can only mean themselves, for they have skipped overthe channel from the vantage ground of a dunghill upon no other merit, either visible or divineable, than that of not having been born amongus. 

"This is the modern way of planting Colonies--Et ubi solitudinemfaciunt, id Imperium vocant. When those who are so unfortunate to beborn here, are excluded from the meanest preferments, and deemedincapable of being entertained even as common soldiers, whose poorstipend is but four pence a day. No trade, no emoluments, noencouragement for learning among the natives, who yet by a perverseconsequence are divided into factions, with as much violence andrancour, as if they had the wealth of the Indies to contend for. It putsme in mind of a fable which I read in a monkish author. He quotes for itone of the Greek mythologists that once upon a time a colony of largedogs (called the Molossi) transplanted themselves from Epirus to Ĉtolia, where they seized those parts of the countries, most fertile in flesh ofall kinds, obliging the native dogs to retire from their best kennels, to live under ditches and bushes, but to preserve good neighbourhood andpeace; and finding likewise, that the Ĉtolian dogs might be of some usein the low offices of life, they passed a decree, that the nativesshould be entitled to the short ribs, tops of back, knuckle-bones, andguts of all the game, which they were obliged by their masters to rundown. This condition was accepted, and what was a little singular, whilethe Molossian dogs kept a good understanding among themselves, living inpeace and luxury, these Ĉtolian curs were perpetually snarling, growling, barking and tearing at each other's throats: Nay, sometimesthose of the best quality among them, were seen to quarrel with as muchrancour for a rotten gut, as if it had been a fat haunch of venison. Butwhat need we wonder at this in dogs, when the same is every daypractised among men?

"Last year I travelled from Dublin to Dundalk, through a countryesteemed the most fruitful part of the kingdom, and so nature intendedit. But no ornaments or improvements of such a scene were visible. Nohabitation fit for gentlemen, no farmers' houses, few fields of corn, and almost a bare face of nature, without new plantations of any kind, only a few miserable cottages, at three or four miles' distance, and oneChurch in the centre between this city and Drogheda. When I arrived atthis last town, the first mortifying sight was the ruins of severalchurches, battered down by that usurper, Cromwell, whose fanatic zealmade more desolation in a few days, than the piety of succeedingprelates or the wealth of the town have, in more than sixty years, attempted to repair. 

"Perhaps the inhabitants, through a high strain of virtue, have, inimitation of the Athenians, made a solemn resolution, never to rebuildthose sacred edifices, but rather leave them in ruins, as monuments, toperpetuate the detestable memory of that hellish instrument ofrebellion, desolation, and murder. For the Athenians, when Mardonius hadravaged a great part of Greece, took a formal oath at the Isthmus, tolose their lives rather than their liberty, to stand by their leaders tothe last, to spare the cities of such barbarians as they conquered. Andwhat crowned all, the conclusion of their oath was, We will never repairany of the Temples, which they have burned and destroyed, lest they mayappear to posterity as so many monuments of these wicked barbarians. This was a glorious resolution; and I am sorry to think, that thepoverty of my countrymen will not let the world suppose, they have actedupon such a generous principle; yet upon this occasion I cannot butobserve, that there is a fatality in some nations, to be fond of thosewho have treated them with the least humanity. Thus I have often heardthe memory of Cromwell, who has depopulated, and almost wholly destroyedthis miserable country, celebrated like that of a saint, and at the sametime the sufferings of the royal martyr turned into ridicule, and hismurder justified even from the pulpit, and all this done with an intentto gain favour, under a monarchy; which is a new strain of politics thatI shall not pretend to account for. 

"Examine all the eastern towns of Ireland, and you will trace thishorrid instrument of destruction, in defacing of Churches, andparticularly in destroying whatever was ornamental, either within orwithout them. We see in the several towns a very few houses scatteredamong the ruins of thousands, which he laid level with their streets;great numbers of castles, the country seats of gentlemen then in being, still standing in ruin, habitations for bats, daws, and owls, withoutthe least repairs or succession of other buildings. Nor have the countrychurches, as far as my eye could reach, met with any better treatmentfrom him, nine in ten of them lying among their graves and God onlyknows when they are to have a resurrection. When I passed from Dundalkwhere this cursed usurper's handy work is yet visible, I cast mine eyesaround from the top of a mountain, from whence I had a wide and a wasteprospect of several venerable ruins. It struck me with a melancholy, notunlike that expressed by Cicero in one of his letters which being muchupon the like prospect, and concluding with a very necessary reflectionon the uncertainty of things in this world, I shall here insert atranslation of what he says: 'In my return from Asia, as I sailed fromĈgina, towards Megara, I began to take a prospect of the severalcountries round me. Behind me was Ĉgina; before me Megara; on the righthand the Pirĉus; and on the left was Corinth; which towns were formerlyin a most flourishing condition; now they lie prostrate and in ruin. 

"'Thus I began to think with myself: Shall we who have but a triflingexistence, express any resentment, when one of us either dies a naturaldeath, or is slain, whose lives are necessarily of a short duration, when at one view I beheld the carcases of so many great cities?' What ifhe had seen the natives of those free republics, reduced to all themiserable consequences of a conquered people, living without the commondefences against hunger and cold, rather appearing like spectres thanmen? I am apt to think, that seeing his fellow creatures in ruin likethis, it would have put him past all patience for philosophicreflection. 

"As for my own part, I confess, that the sights and occurrences which Ihad in this my last journey, so far transported me to a mixture of rageand compassion, that I am not able to decide, which had the greaterinfluence upon my spirits; for this new cant, of a rich and flourishingnation, was still uppermost in my thoughts; every mile I travelled, giving me such ample demonstrations to the contrary. For this reason, Ihave been at the pains to render a most exact and faithful account ofall the visible signs of riches, which I met with in sixty miles' ridingthrough the most public roads, and the best part of the kingdom. First, as to trade, I met nine cars loaden with old musty, shrivelled hides;one car-load of butter; four jockeys driving eight horses, all out ofcase; one cow and calf driven by a man and his wife; six tatteredfamilies flitting to be shipped off to the West Indies; a colony of ahundred and fifty beggars, all repairing to people our metropolis, andby encreasing the number of hands, to encrease its wealth, upon the oldmaxim, that people are the riches of a nation, and therefore tenthousand mouths, with hardly ten pair of hands, or hardly any work toemploy them, will infallibly make us a rich and flourishing people. Secondly, Travellers enough, but seven in ten wanting shirts andcravats; nine in ten going bare foot, and carrying their brogues andstockings in their hands; one woman in twenty having a pillion, the restriding bare backed: Above two hundred horsemen, with four pair of bootsamongst them all; seventeen saddles of leather (the rest being made ofstraw) and most of their garrons only shod before. I went into one ofthe principal farmer's houses, out of curiosity, and his whole furnitureconsisted of two blocks for stools, a bench on each side the fire-placemade of turf, six trenchers, one bowl, a pot, six horn spoons, threenoggins, three blankets, one of which served the man and maid servant;the other the master of the family, his wife and five children; a smallchurn, a wooden candlestick, a broken stick for a pair of tongs. In thepublic towns, one third of the inhabitants walking the streets barefoot; windows half built up with stone, to save the expense of glass, the broken panes up and down supplied by brown paper, few being able toafford white; in some places they were stopped with straw or hay. Another mark of our riches, are the signs at the several inns upon theroad, viz. In some, a staff stuck in the thatch, with a turf at the endof it; a staff in a dunghill with a white rag wrapped about the head; apole, where they can afford it, with a besom at the top; an oatmeal cakeon a board at the window; and, at the principal inns of the road, I haveobserved the signs taken down and laid against the wall near the door, being taken from their post to prevent the shaking of the house down bythe wind. In short, I saw not one single house, in the best town Itravelled through, which had not manifest appearances of beggary andwant. I could give many more instances of our wealth, but I hope thesewill suffice for the end I propose. 

"It may be objected, what use it is of to display the poverty of thenation, in the manner I have done. I answer, I desire to know for whatends, and by what persons, this new opinion of our flourishing state hasof late been so industriously advanced: One thing is certain, that theadvancers have either already found their own account, or have beenheartily promised, or at least have been entertained with hopes, byseeing such an opinion pleasing to those who have it in their power toreward. 

"It is no doubt a very generous principle in any person to rejoice inthe felicities of a nation, where themselves are strangers orsojourners: But if it be found that the same persons on all otheroccasions express a hatred and contempt of the nation and people ingeneral, and hold it for a maxim--'That the more such a country ishumbled, the more their own will rise'; it need be no longer a secret, why such an opinion, and the advantages of it are encouraged. Andbesides, if the bayliff reports to his master, that the ox is fat andstrong, when in reality it can hardly carry its own legs, is it notnatural to think, that command will be given, for a greater load to beput upon it?" [T. S. ]

[21] This was a project for the establishment of a national bank forIreland. Swift ridiculed the proposal (see p. 31), no doubt, out ofsuspicion of the acts of stock-jobbers and the monied interests whichwere enlisted on the side of the Whigs. His experience, also, of theabortive South Sea Schemes would tend to make his opposition all thestronger. But the plans for the bank were not ill-conceived, and hadSwift been in calmer temper he might have seen the advantages whichattached to the proposals. [T. S. ]

[22] Thus in original edition. In Faulkner and the "Miscellanies" of1735 the words are, "altogether imaginary. " [T. S. ]

[23] The motto round a crown piece, which was the usual price ofpermits. [_Orig. Edit. _]

[24] The Dean of St. Patrick's. [F. ]

[25] Paul Lorrain, who was appointed ordinary of Newgate in 1698, compiled numerous confessions and dying speeches of prisoners condemnedto be hanged. A letter to Swift, from Pope and Bolingbroke, datedDecember, 1725, mentions him as "the great historiographer, " and Steele, in the "Tatler" and "Spectator, " refers to "Lorrain's Saints. " Lorrainattended some famous criminals to the scaffold, including Captain Kiddand Jack Sheppard. [T. S. ]

[26] The following is an account of the proceedings of both the housesof the Irish parliament upon the subject of this proposed bank. 

In the year 1720, James, Earl of Abercorn, Gustavus, Viscount Boyne, SirRalph Gore, Bart. , Oliver St. George, and Michael Ward, Esqs. , in behalfof themselves and others, presented a petition to his Majesty for acharter of incorporation, whereby they might be established as a bank, under the name and title of the Bank of Ireland. They proposed to raisea fund of £500, 000 to supply merchants, etc. , with money at five percent. , and agreed to contribute £50, 000 to the service of government inconsideration of their obtaining a charter. In their petition theystate, that "the raising of a million for that purpose is creating agreater fund than the nation can employ. " Soon after the above-mentionedpetition was lodged, a second application was made by Lord Forbes andothers, who proposed raising a million for that purpose, and offered todischarge "the £50, 000 national debt of that kingdom, in five years fromthe time they should obtain a charter. " The latter application, beingsubsequent in point of date, was withdrawn, Lord Forbes and his friendshaving acquainted the Lord-lieutenant that, "rather than, by acompetition, obstruct a proposal of so general advantage, they werewilling to desist from their application. " The former was accordinglyapproved of, and the King, on the 29th of July, 1721, issued letters ofPrivy Seal, directing that a charter of incorporation should pass theGreat Seal of Ireland. ("Comm. Journ. , " vol. Iii, Appendix ix, page cc, etc. )

When the parliament of Ireland met, on the 12th of September following, the Duke of Grafton, lord lieutenant, in his speech from the throne, communicated the intention of his Majesty to both houses, and concludedby saying, "As this is a matter of general and national concern, hisMajesty leaves it to the wisdom of Parliament to consider whatadvantages the public may receive by erecting a bank, and in what mannerit may be settled upon a safe foundation, so as to be beneficial to thekingdom. " The commons, in their address, which was voted unanimously onthe 14th, expressed their gratitude for his Majesty's goodness and royalfavour in directing a commission to establish a bank, and on the 21stmoved for the papers to be laid before them; they even, on the 29th, agreed to the following resolution of the committee they had appointed, "that the establishment of a bank upon a solid and good foundation, under proper regulations and restrictions, will contribute to restoringof credit, and support of the trade and manufacture of the kingdom;"but, when the heads of a bill for establishing the bank came to bediscussed, a strenuous opposition was raised to it. On the 9th ofDecember Sir Thomas Taylor, chairman of the committee to whom the matterhad been referred, reported "that they had gone through the firstenacting paragraph, and disagreed to the same. " Accordingly, thequestion being proposed and put, the house (after a division, whereinthere appeared 150 for the question and 80 against it) voted that "theycould not find any safe foundation for establishing a public bank, " andresolved that an address, conformable to this resolution, should bepresented to the lord-lieutenant. (Comm. Journ. , vol. Iii, pp. 247-289. )

The proceedings of the House of Lords resembled that of the Commons; onthe 8th of November they concurred with the resolution of theircommittee, which was unfavourable to the establishment of a bank. Aprotest was, however, entered, signed by four temporal and two spiritualpeers, and when an address to his Majesty, grounded on that resolution, was proposed, a long debate ensued, which occupied two days. On the 9thDecember a list of the subscriptions was called for, and on the 16ththey resolved, that if any lord, spiritual or temporal, should attemptto obtain a charter to erect a bank, "he should be deemed a contemnor ofthe authority of that house, and a betrayer of the liberty of hiscountry. " They ordered, likewise, that this resolution should bepresented by the chancellor to the lord lieutenant. ("Lord's Journal, "vol. Ii, pp. 687-720. ) _Monck Mason's "Hist. St. Patrick's Cathedral_, "p. 325, note 3. [T. S. ]

[27] The title, Esquire, according to a high authority, was ancientlyapplied "to the younger sons of nobility and their heirs in theimmediate line, to the eldest sons of knights and their heirs, to theesquire of the knights and others of that rank in his Majesty's service, and to such as had eminent employment in the Commonwealth, and were notknighted, such as judges, sheriffs, and justices of the peace duringtheir offices, and some others. But now, " says Sir Edward Walker, "inthe days of Charles I. , the addition is so increased, that he is a verypoor and inconsiderable person who writes himself less. "

Accordingly, most of the signatures for shares in the projected NationalBank of Ireland, were dignified with the addition of Esquire, which, added to the obscurity of the subscribers, incurs the ridicule of ourauthor in the following treatise. [S. ]

[28] SUBSCRIBERS TO THE BANK, PLACED ACCORDING TO THEIR ORDER ANDQUALITY, WITH NOTES AND QUERIES. 

A true and exact account of the nobility, gentry, and traders, of thekingdom of Ireland, who, upon mature deliberation, are of opinion, thatthe establishing a bank upon real security, would be highly for theadvantage of the trade of the said kingdom, and for increasing thecurrent species of money in the same. Extracted from the list of thesubscribers to the Bank of Ireland, published by order of thecommissioners appointed to receive subscriptions. 

 _Nobility. _

 Archbishops 0 Marquisses 0 Earls 0 Viscounts 3 Barons 1 Bishops 2 French Baron 1

N. B. : The temporal Lords of Ireland are 125, the Bishops 22. In all 147, exclusive of the aforesaid French Count. 

 _Gentry. _

 Baronets 1 Knights 1

N. B. Total of baronets and knights in Ireland uncertain; but in commoncomputation supposed to be more than two. 

Members of the House of Commons--41. One whereof reckoned before amongstthe two knights. 

N. B. Number of Commoners in all 300. 

Esquires not Members of Parliament--37

N. B. There are at least 20 of the said 37 Esquires whose names arelittle known, and whose qualifications as Esqrs. Are referred to the kingat arms; and the said king is desired to send to the publisher hereof atrue account of the whole number of such real or reputed Esqrs. As are tobe found in this kingdom. 

 _Clergy. _

 Deans 1 Arch-Deacons 2 Rectors 3 Curates 2

N. B. Of this number one French dean, one French curate, and onebookseller. 

Officers not members of Parliament--16

N. B. Of the above number 10 French; but uncertain whether on whole orhalf pay, broken, or of the militia. 

 _Women. _

 Ladies 1 Widows 3 whereof one qualified to be deputy-governor. Maidens 4

N. B. It being uncertain in what class to place the eight femalesubscribers, whether in that of nobility, gentry, &c. It is thoughtproper to insert them here betwixt the officers and traders. 

 _Traders. _

 { Dublin 1 a Frenchman. Aldermen of { Cork 1 { Limerick 1 Waterford 0 Drogheda 0 &c. 0

Merchants 29, _viz. _ 10 French, of London 1, of Cork 1, of Belfast 1. 

N. B. The place of abode of three of the said merchants, _viz. _ ofLondon, Cork and Belfast, being mentioned, the publisher desires to knowwhere the rest may be wrote to, and whether they deal in wholesale orretail, _viz. _

Master dealers, &c. 59, cashiers 1, bankers 4, chemist 1, player 1, Popish vintner 1, bricklayer 1, chandler 1, doctors of physic 4, chirurgeons 2, pewterer 1, attorneys 4 (besides one esq. Attorney beforereckoned), Frenchmen 8, but whether pensioners, barbers, or markees, uncertain. As to the rest of the M----rs, the publisher of this paper, though he has used his utmost diligence, has not been able to get asatisfactory account either as to their country, trade or profession. 

N. B. The total of men, women and children in Ireland, besides Frenchmen, is 2, 000, 000. Total of the land of Ireland acres 16, 800, 000. (VideReasons for a Bank, &c. )

Quĉre, How many of the said acres are in possession of 1 French baron, 1French dean, 1 French curate, 1 French alderman, 10 French merchants, 8Messieurs Frances, 1 esq. Projector, 1 esq. Attorney, 6 officers of thearmy, 8 women, 1 London merchant, 1 Cork merchant, 1 Belfast merchant, 18 merchants whose places of abode are not mentioned, 1 cashier, 4bankers, 1 gentleman projector, 1 player, 1 chemist, 1 Popish vintner, 1bricklayer, 1 chandler, 4 doctors of physic, 2 chirurgeons, 1 pewterer, 4 gentlemen attorneys, besides 28 gentleman dealers, yet unknown, _utsupra_?

Dublin: Printed by John Harding in Molesworth's Court, in FishambleStreet. (_Reprinted from original broadside, n. D. _)

[29] In the capacity of a postillion, no doubt. [T. S. ]

[30] Which means that she kept an eating-house or restaurant, and becameeventually a bankrupt. [T. S. ]

[31] The livery of a footman. [T. S. ]

[32] As a constable. [T. S. ]

[33] An innkeeper. [T. S. ]

[34] This paragraph is printed as given by Faulkner in ed. 1735, vol. Iv. [T. S. ]

[35] See note on Paul Lorrain, p. 34. It was the duty of the Ordinary ofa prison to compose such dying speeches. [T. S. ]

[36] His parents were Dissenters, and gave him a good education. [T. S. ]

[37] Sir Henry Craik remarks on this title: "In modern language thismight well have been entitled, 'The theories of political economy provedto have no application to Ireland. '" The word "controlled" is used inthe now obsolete sense of "confuted. " [T. S. ]

[38] Sir John Browne, in his "Scheme of the Money Matters of Ireland"(Dublin, 1729), calculated that the total currency, including paper, wasabout £914, 000, but the author of "Considerations on Seasonable Remarks"stated that the entire currency could not be more than £600, 000. Brownewas no reliable authority; he is the writer to whom Swift wrote a reply. See p. 122. [T. S. ]

[39] See "A Short View of the State of Ireland, " p. 86. [T. S. ]

[40] Lecky refers to a remarkable letter written by an Irish peer in theMarch of 1702, and preserved in the "Southwell Correspondence" in theBritish Museum, in which the writer complains that the money of thecountry is almost gone, and the poverty of the towns so great that itwas feared the Court mourning for the death of William would be thefinal blow. (Lecky, vol. I. , p. 181, 1892 ed. ). [T. S. ]

[41] Those of Charles II. And James II. In which, for political reasonson the part of the Crown, Ireland was peculiarly favoured. [S. ]

[42] This was Dr. Nicholas Barbou, the friend of John Asgill and authorof two works on trade and money. After the Great Fire of London hespeculated largely in building, and greatly assisted in making cityimprovements. He was the founder of fire insurance in England and wasactive in land and bank speculations. He died in 1698, leaving a willdirecting that none of his debts should be paid. [T. S. ]

[43] The beggars of Ireland are spoken of by Bishop Berkeley. But ArthurDobbs, in the second part of his "Essay on Trade, " published in 1731, gives a descriptive picture of the gangs who travelled over Ireland asprofessional paupers. In the 2, 295 parishes, there was in each anaverage of at least ten beggars carrying on their trade the whole yearround; the total number of these wandering paupers he puts down at over34, 000. Computing 30, 000 of them able to work, and assuming that eachbeggar could earn _4d. _ a day in a working year of 284 days, hecalculates that their idleness is a loss to the nation of £142, 000. (Pp. 444-445 of Thom's reprint; Dublin, 1861) [T. S. ]

[44] See Swift's terrible satire on the "Modest Proposal for preventingChildren of Poor People from being a burthen. " [T. S. ]

[45] A small country village about seven miles from Kells. [T. S. ]

[46] Esther Johnson. [T. S. ]

[47] Stella's companion and Swift's housekeeper. [T. S. ]

[48] See Swift's "Directions to Servants. " [T. S. ]

[49] By Acts 18 Charles II c. 2, and 32 Charles II c. 2, enacted in 1665and 1680, the importation into England from Ireland of all cattle, sheep, swine, beef, pork, bacon, mutton, cheese and butter, wasabsolutely prohibited. The land of Ireland being largely pasture landand England being the chief and nearest market, these laws practicallydestroyed the farming industry. The pernicious acts were passed oncomplaint from English land proprietors that the competition from Irishcattle had lowered their rents in England. "In this manner, " says Lecky, "the chief source of Irish prosperity was annihilated at a single blow. "[T. S. ]

[50] The original Navigation Act treated Ireland on an equal footingwith England. The act, however, was succeeded in 1663 by that of 15Charles II c. 7, in which it was declared that no European articles, with few exceptions, could be imported into the colonies unless they hadbeen loaded in English-built vessels at English ports. Nor could goodsbe brought from English colonies except to English ports. By the Acts 22and 23 of Charles II. C. 26 the exclusion of Ireland was confirmed, andthe Acts 7 and 8 of Will. III. C. 22, passed in 1696, actuallyprohibited any goods whatever from being imported to Ireland direct fromthe English colonies. These are the reasons for Swift's remark thatIreland's ports were of no more use to Ireland's people "than abeautiful prospect to a man shut up in a dungeon. " [T. S. ]

[51] See note on page 137 of vol. Vi of this edition. "The Drapier'sLetters. " [T. S. ]

[52] Lecky quotes from the MSS. In the British Museum, from a series ofletters written by Bishop Nicholson, on his journey to Derry, to theArchbishop of Canterbury. The quotation illustrates the truth of Swift'sremark. "Never did I behold, " writes Nicholson, "even in Picardy, Westphalia, or Scotland, such dismal marks of hunger and want asappeared in the countenances of the poor creatures I met with on theroad. " In the "Intelligencer" (No. VI, 1728) Sheridan wrote: "The poorare sunk to the lowest degrees of misery and poverty--their housesdunghills, their victuals the blood of their cattle, or the herbs of thefield. " Of the condition of the country thirty years later, the mostterrible of pictures is given by Burdy in his "Life of Skelton": "In1757 a remarkable dearth prevailed in Ireland.... Mr. Skelton went outinto the country to discover the real state of his poor, and travelledfrom cottage to cottage, over mountains, rocks, and heath.... In onecabin he found the people eating boiled prushia [a weed with a yellowflower that grows in cornfields] by itself for their breakfast, andtasted this sorry food, which seemed nauseous to him. Next morning hegave orders to have prushia gathered and boiled for his own breakfast, that he might live on the same sort of food with the poor. He ate thisfor one or two days; but at last his stomach turning against it, he setoff immediately for Ballyshannon to buy oatmeal for them.... One day, when he was travelling in this manner through the country, he came to alonely cottage in the mountains, where he found a poor woman lying inchild-bed with a number of children about her. All she had, in her weak, helpless condition to keep herself and her children alive, was blood andsorrel boiled up together. The blood, her husband, who was a herdsman, took from the cattle of others under his care, for he had none of hisown. This was a usual sort of food in that country in times of scarcity, for they bled the cows for that purpose, and thus the same cow oftenafforded both milk and blood.... They were obliged, when the carrierswere bringing the meal to Pettigo, to guard it with their clubs, as thepeople of the adjacent parishes strove to take it by force, in whichthey sometimes succeeded, hunger making them desperate. " (Burdy's Lifeof Skelton. "Works, " vol. I, pp. Lxxx-lxxxii. ) [T. S. ]

[53] See on this subject the agitation against Wood's halfpence in thevolume dealing with "The Drapier's Letters. " [T. S. ]

[54] Faulkner and Scott print this word "irony, " but the originaledition has it as printed in the text. [T. S. ]

[55] The original edition has this as "Island. " Scott and the previouseditors print it as in the text. Iceland is, no doubt, referred to. [T. S. ]

[56] Bishop Nicholson, quoted by Lecky, speaks of the miserable hovelsin which the people lived, and the almost complete absence of clothing. [T. S. ]

[57] Hely Hutchinson, in his "Commercial Restraints of Ireland" (Dublin, 1779; new edit. 1888) points out that the scheme proposed by thegovernment, and partly executed, by directing a commission under thegreat seal for receiving voluntary subscriptions in order to establish abank, was a scheme to circulate paper without money. This and Wood'shalfpence seem to have been the nearest approach made at the time forsupplying what Swift here calls "the running cash of the nation. " [T. S. ]

[58] England. 

[59] Scotland and Ireland. 

[60] The Irish Sea. 

[61] The Roman Wall. 

[62] The Scottish Highlanders. [T. S]

[63] Charles I, who was delivered by the Scotch into the hands of theParliamentary party. [T. S]

[64] See note to "A Short View of the State of Ireland. " [T. S. ]

[65] The King of England. [T. S. ]

[66] The Lord-Lieutenant. [T. S. ]

[67] The English Government filled all the important posts in Irelandwith individuals sent over from England. See "Boulter's Letters" on thissubject of the English rule. [T. S. ]

[68] See notes to "A Short View of the State of Ireland, " on theNavigation Acts and the acts against the exportation of cattle. [T. S. ]

[69] The laws against woollen manufacture. [T. S. ]

[70] Absentees and place-holders. [T. S. ]

[71] The spirit of opposition and enmity to England, declared by theScottish Act of Security, according to Swift's view of the relationsbetween the countries, left no alternative but an union or a war. [S. ]

[72] The Act of Union between England and Scotland. [T. S. ]

[73] The reference here is to the linen manufactories of Ireland whichwere being encouraged by England. [T. S. ]

[74] Swift here refers to the sentiment, largely predominant inScotland, for the return of the Stuarts. [T. S. ]

[75] Alliances with France. [T. S. ]

[76] Alluding to the 33rd Henry VIII, providing that the King and hissuccessors should be kings imperial of both kingdoms, on which theenemies of Irish independence founded their arguments against it. [S. ]Scott cannot be correct in this note. The allusion is surely to theenactments known as Poyning's Law. See vol. Vi. , p. 77 (note) of thisedition of Swift's works. [T. S. ]

[77] Disturbances excited by the Scottish colonists in Ulster. [S. ]

[78] The subjugation of Scotland by Cromwell. [S. ]

[79] That is to say, to interpret Poyning's law in the spirit in whichit was enacted, and give to Ireland the right to make its own laws. [T. S. ]

[80] Free trade and the repeal of the Navigation Act. [T. S. ]

[81] Office-holders should not be absentees. [T. S. ]

[82] That the land laws of Ireland shall be free from interference byEngland, and the produce of the land free to be exported to any place. [T. S. ]

[83] The laws prohibiting the importation of live cattle into England, and the restrictions as to the woollen industry, were the ruin of thosewho held land for grazing purposes. [T. S. ]

[84] The Act of 10 and 11 William III. , cap. 10, was the final blow tothe woollen industry of Ireland. It was enacted in 1699, and prohibitedthe exportation of Irish wool to any other country. In the fifth letterof Hely Hutchinson's "Commercial Restraints of Ireland" (1779) will befound a full account of the passing of this Act and its consequences. [T. S. ]

[85] Edward Waters and John Harding, the printers of Swift's pamphlets. See volume on "The Drapier's Letters. " [T. S. ]

[86] The text here given is that of the original manuscript in theForster Collection at South Kensington, collated with that given byDeane Swift in vol. Viii. Of the 4to edition of 1765. [T. S. ]

[87] The letter was written in reply to a letter received from Messrs. Truman and Layfield. [T. S. ]

[88] Dr. William King, Archbishop of Dublin. [T. S. ]

[89] Swift betrays here a lamentable knowledge of the geography of thispart of America. Penn, however, may have known no better. [T. S. ]

[90] William Burnet, at this time the Governor of Massachusetts, was theson of Swift's old enemy, Bishop Burnet. [T. S. ]

[91] Burnet quarrelled with the Assembly of Massachusetts and NewHampshire because they would not allow him a fixed salary. The Assemblyattempted to give him instead a fee on ships leaving Boston, but theEnglish Government refused to allow this. [T. S. ]

[92] The original MS. On which this text is based does not contain thepassage here given in brackets. [T. S. ]

[93] Swift is here supported by Arthur Dobbs, who in his "Essays onTrade, " pt. Ii. (1731) gives as one of the conditions prejudicial totrade, the luxury of living and extravagance in food, dress, furniture, and equipage by the Irish well-to-do. He describes it "as one of theprincipal sources of our national evils. " His remedy was a tax onexpensive dress, and rich equipage and furniture. [T. S. ]

[94] The text of this tract is based on that given by Deane Swift in theeighth volume of his edition of Swift's works published in quarto in1765. [T. S. ]

[95] This refers to Whitshed. [T. S. ]

[96] The Fourth. See vol. Vi. Of present edition. [T. S. ]

[97] Some ten years after Swift wrote the above, the roads of Irelandwere thought to be so good as to attract Whitefield's attention. Leckyquotes Arthur Young, who found Irish roads superior to those of England. (Lecky's "Ireland, " vol. I. , p. 330, 1892 ed. ) [T. S. ]

[98] Lecky (vol. I. , pp. 333-335, 1892 edit. ) gives a detailed accountof the destruction of the fine woods in Ireland which occurred duringthe forty years that followed the Revolution. The melancholy sight ofthe denuded land drew the attention of a Parliamentary Commissionappointed to inquire into the matter. The Act of 10 Will. III. 2, c. 12ordered the planting of a certain number of trees in every county, "but, " remarks Lecky, "it was insufficient to counteract the destructionwhich was due to the cupidity or the fears of the new proprietors. "[T. S. ]

[99] Swift always distinguished between the Irish "barbarians" and theIrish who were in reality English settlers in Ireland. Swift, for once, is in accord with the desires of the English Government, who wished toeradicate the Irish language. His friend the Archbishop of Dublin andhis own college, that of Trinity, were in favour of keeping the languagealive. (See Lecky's "Ireland, " vol. I. , pp. 331-332. ) [T. S. ]

[100] See Swift's "Proposal for the Universal Use of IrishManufactures. " [T. S. ]

[101] See Swift's "Proposal for the Universal Use of IrishManufactures. " [T. S. ]

[102] The text here given is that of Scott read by the "MiscellaneousPieces" of 1789. The "Observations" were written, probably, in 1729. [T. S. ]

[103] Monck Mason has an elaborate note on this subject ("Hist. Of St. Patrick's Cathedral, " pp. 320-321, ed. 1819), which is well worthreprinting here, since it is an excellent statement of facts, and isfully borne out by Hely Hutchinson's account in his "CommercialRestraints of Ireland, " to which reference has already been made:

"In the year 1698 a bill was introduced into the English Parliament, grounded upon complaints, that the woollen manufacture in Irelandprejudiced the staple trade of England; the matter terminated at last inan address to the King, wherein the commons 'implored his majesty'sprotection and favour on this matter, and that he would make it hisroyal care, and enjoin all those whom he employed in Ireland, to usetheir utmost diligence, to hinder the exportation of wool from Ireland(except it be imported into England), and for the discouraging thewoollen manufacture, and increasing the linen manufacture of Ireland. 'Accordingly, on the 16th July, the King wrote a letter of instructionsto the Earl of Galway, in which the following passage appears: 'Thechief thing that must be tried to be prevented, is, that the Irishparliament takes no notice of what has passed in this here, and that youmake effectual laws for the linen manufacture, and discourage as far aspossible the woollen. '--The Earl of Galway and the other justicesconvened the parliament on the 27th of September; in their speech, theyrecommended a bill for the encouragement of the manufactures of linenand hemp, 'which, ' say they, 'will be found more advantageous to thiskingdom than the woollen manufacture, which, being the settled trade ofEngland from whence all foreign markets are supplied, can never beencouraged here. ' The house of commons so far concurred with the lordsjustices' sentiments as to say, in their address of thanks, that theywould heartily endeavour to establish the linen manufacture, and torender the same useful to England, and 'we hope, ' they add, 'to findsuch a temperament, with respect to the woollen trade here, that thesame may not be injurious to England' ('Cont. Rapin's Hist. , ' p. 376). 'And they did, ' says Mr. Smith, 'so far come into a temperament in thiscase, as, hoping it would be accepted by way of compromise, to lay ahigh duty of ... Upon all their woollen manufacture exported; underwhich, had England acquiesced, I am persuaded it would have been betterfor the kingdom in general. But the false notion of a possible monopoly, made the English deaf to all other terms of accommodation; by whichmeans they lost the horse rather than quit the stable' ('Memoirs ofWool, ' vol. Ii. , p. 30). The duties imposed by the Irish parliament, atthis time, upon the export of manufactured wool, was four shillings onthe value of twenty shillings of the old drapery, and two shillings uponthe like value of the new, except friezes. But this concurrence of thepeople of Ireland seemed rather to heighten the jealousy between the twonations, by making the people of England imagine the manufactures ofIreland were arrived at a dangerous pitch of improvement, since theycould be supposed capable of bearing so extravagant a duty: accordingly, in the next following year, the English parliament passed an Act (10-11William III: cap. 10), that no person should export from Ireland wool orwoollen goods, except to England or Wales, under high penalties, suchgoods to be shipped only from certain ports in Ireland, and to certainports in England: But this was not the whole grievance; the old dutiesupon the import of those commodities, whether raw or manufactured, intoGreat Britain, were left in the same state as before, which amountednearly to a prohibition; thus did the English, although they had notthemselves any occasion for those commodities, prohibit, nevertheless, their being sent to any other nation. 

"The discouragement of the woollen manufacture of Ireland, affectedparticularly the English settlers there, for the linen was entirely inthe hands of the Scotch, who were established in Ulster, and the Irishnatives had no share in either. It is stated in a pamphlet, entitled, 'ADiscourse concerning Ireland, etc. In answer to the Exon and Barnstaplepetitions, ' printed 1697-8, that there were then, in the city andsuburbs of Dublin, 12, 000 English families, and throughout the nation, 50, 000, who were bred to trades connected with the manufacture of wool, 'who could no more get their bread in the linen manufacture, than aLondon taylor by shoe-making. '

"Mr. Walter Scott says ('Life of Swift, ' p. 278) that the Irish woollenmanufacture produced an annual million, but this is not the fact; Mr. Dobbs in his 'Essay on the Trade of Ireland, ' informs us, from thecustom-house books, that in the year 1697 (which immediately precededthe year in which the address above-mentioned was transmitted to theking) the total value of Irish woollen exports, of all sorts, was only_£23, 614 9s. 6d. _, and in 1687, when they were at the highest, theydid not exceed _£70, 521 14s. 0d. _ It moreover appears, that thegreater part of these exports were of a sort which did not interferewith the trade of England, _£56, 415 16s. 0d. _ was in friezes, and_£2, 520 18s. 0d. _ coarse stockings, the rest consisted in serges andother stuffs of the new drapery, which affected not the trade of Englandgenerally, but only the particular interests of Exeter and itsneighbourhood, and a very few other inconsiderable towns. 

"But, whatever injury was intended, little prejudice was done toIreland, except what followed immediately after the passing of this Act. It appears from Mr. Dobbs's pamphlet, that, a few years after, fourtimes the quantity of woollen goods were shipped in each year, clandestinely, than had ever been exported, legally, before: moreover, the Irish vastly increased their manufactures for home consumption, andlearned to make fine cloth from Spanish wool: it was only to Englanditself that any disadvantage redounded; many manufacturers who wereunsettled by this measure, passed over to Germany, Spain, and to Rouenand other parts of France, 'from these beginnings they have, in manybranches, so much improved the woollen manufactures of France, as to viewith the English in foreign markets. --Upon the whole, those nations maybe justly said to have deprived Britain of millions since that time, instead of the thousands Ireland might possibly have made. '--What Mr. Dobbs has here asserted, relative to the removal of the manufacturers, has been confirmed by another tract, 'Letter from a Clothier a Member ofParliament, ' printed in 1731, which informs us that, for some yearsafter, the English seemed to engross all the woollen trade, 'but thisappearance of benefit abated, as the foreign factories, raised on theruin of the Irish, acquired strength': he shows too, that theimportation of unmanufactured wool from Ireland to England had beengradually decreasing since that time, which was probably on account ofthe increase of the illicit trade to foreign parts, towards theencouragement of which the duties, or legal transportation, served toact as a bounty of 36 per cent. 'So true it is, that England can neverfall into measures for unreasonably cramping the industry of the peopleof Ireland, without doing herself the greatest prejudice. '" (Note g, pp. 320-321). [T. S. ]

[104] The causes for absenteeism are thus noted by Lecky ("Hist. OfIreland, " p. 213, vol. I. , ed. 1892): "The very large part of theconfiscated land was given to Englishmen who had property and duties inEngland, and habitually lived there. Much of it also came into themarket, and as there was very little capital in Ireland, and asCatholics were forbidden to purchase land, this also passed largely intothe hands of English speculators. Besides, the level of civilization wasmuch higher in England than in Ireland. The position of a Protestantlandlord, living in the midst of a degraded population, differing fromhim in religion and race, had but little attraction, the politicalsituation of the country closed to an Irish gentleman nearly everyavenue of honourable ambition, and owing to a long series of veryevident causes, the sentiment of public duty was deplorably low. Theeconomical condition was not checked by any considerable movement in theopposite direction, for after the suppression of the Irish manufacturesbut few Englishmen, except those who obtained Irish offices, came toIreland. "

The amount of the rent obtained in Ireland that was spent in England isestimated elsewhere by Swift to have been at least one-third. In 1729, Prior assessed the amount at £627, 000. In the Supplement to his "List ofAbsentees, " Prior gives eight further "articles" by which money was"yearly drawn out of the Kingdom. " See the "Supplement, " pp. 242-245 inThone's "Collection of Tracts, " Dublin, 1861. [T. S. ]

[105] John Erskine, Earl of Mar, has elsewhere been characterized bySwift as "crooked; he seemed to me to be a gentleman of good sense andgood nature. " The great rebellion of 1715, for which Mar wasresponsible, was stirred up by him in favour of the Pretender, andsucceeded so far as to bring the Chevalier to Scotland. The Duke ofArgyll, however, fought his forces, and though the victory remainedundecided, Mar was compelled to seek safety in France. The rebellioncaused so much disturbance in every part of the British Isles thatIreland suffered greatly from bad trade. [T. S. ]

[106] Joshua, Lord Allen. See note on p. 175. [T. S. ]

[107] See page 60 of vol. Iii. Of the present edition. [T. S. ]

[108] Chief Justice Whitshed. [T. S. ]

[109] See page 14. [T. S. ]

[110] Edward Waters. [T. S. ]

[111] See pages 96, 235-6, of vol. Vi. Of present edition. [T. S. ]

[112] The person here intimated, Joshua, Lord Allen (whom Swiftelsewhere satirizes under the name of Traulus), was born in 1685. He issaid to have been a weak and dissipated man; and some particulars arerecorded by tradition concerning his marriage with Miss Du Pass (whosefather was clerk of the secretary of state's office in James theSecond's reign, and died in India in 1699), which do very little honoureither to his heart or understanding. 

It is reported, that being trepanned into a marriage with this lady, bya stratagem of the celebrated Lionel, Duke of Dorset, Lord Allenrefused, for some time, to acknowledge her as his wife. But the lady, after living some time in close retirement, caused an advertisement tobe inserted in the papers, stating the death of a brother in the EastIndies, by which Miss Margaret Du Pass had succeeded to a large fortune. Accordingly, she put on mourning, and assumed an equipage conforming toher supposed change of fortune. Lord Allen's affairs being muchderanged, he became now as anxious to prove the marriage with thewealthy heiress, as he had formerly been to disown the unportioneddamsel; and succeeded, after such opposition as the lady judgednecessary to give colour to the farce. Before the deceit was discovered, Lady Allen, by her good sense and talents, had obtained such ascendanceover her husband, that they ever afterwards lived in great harmony. 

Lord Allen was, at the time of giving offence to Swift, aprivy-counsellor; and distinguished himself, according to Lodge, in theHouse of Peers, by his excellent speeches for the benefit of hiscountry. He died at Stillorgan, 1742. [S. ]

Swift did not allow Lord Allen to rest with this "advertisement. " In thepoem entitled "Traulus, " Allen is gibbetted in some lively rhymes. Hecalls him a "motley fruit of mongrel seed, " and traces his descent fromthe mother's side (she was the sister of the Earl of Kildare) as well asthe father's (who was the son of Sir Joshua Allen, Lord Mayor of Dublinin 1673):

 "Who could give the looby such airs? Were they masons, were they butchers?

 * * * * *

 This was dexterous at the trowel, That was bred to kill a cow well: Hence the greasy clumsy mien In his dress and figure seen; Hence the mean and sordid soul, Like his body rank and foul; Hence that wild suspicious peep, Like a rogue that steals a sheep; Hence he learnt the butcher's guile, How to cut your throat and smile; Like a butcher doomed for life In his mouth to wear a knife; Hence he draws his daily food From his tenants' vital blood. "

[T. S. ]

[113] See note on page 66 of vol. Vi. Of present edition. The patent toLord Dartmouth, granting him the right to coin copper coins, providedthat he should give security to redeem these coins for gold or silver ondemand. John Knox obtained this patent and Colonel Moore acquired itfrom Knox after the Revolution. [T. S. ]

[114] Of ten pence in every two shillings. [F. ]

[115] But M'Culla hath still _30l. _ per cent. By the scheme, if they bereturned. [F. ]

[116] Faulkner's edition adds here: "For the benefit of defrauding thecrown never occurreth to the public, but is wholly turned to theadvantage of those whom the crown employeth. " [T. S. ]

[117] See page 89 of vol. Vi. Of present edition. [T. S. ]

[118] 1: Faulkner's edition adds here: "it being a matter wholly outof my trade. " [T. S. ]

[119] See "A Proposal for the Universal Use of Irish Manufactures, " p. 19. [T. S. ]

[120] See Swift's letter to Archbishop King on the weavers, p. 137. [T. S. ]

[121] Edward Waters. [T. S. ]

[122] See note prefixed to pamphlet on p. 15. [T. S. ]

[123] See notes on pp. 6, 7, 8 and 73 of vol. Vi. Of present edition. [T. S. ]

[124] See Appendix V. In vol. Vi. Of present edition. [T. S. ]

[125] See page 81. [T. S. ]

[126] Nathaniel Mist was the publisher of the "Weekly Journal, " forwhich Defoe wrote many important papers. The greater part of his careeras a printer was spent in trials and imprisonments for the "libels"which appeared in his journal. This was largely due to the fact that hisweekly newspaper became the recognized organ of Jacobites and"High-fliers. " From 1716 to 1728 he was a pretty busy man with thegovernment, and finally was compelled to go to France to escape fromprosecution. In France he joined Wharton, but his "Journal" stillcontinued to be issued until September 21st of the year 1728, which wasthe date of the last issue. On the 28th of the same month, however, appeared its continuation under the title, "Fog's Weekly Journal, " andthis was carried on by Mist's friends. Mist died in 1737. [T. S. ]

[127] See notes on pp. 158-159. [T. S. ]

[128] "Observations on the Precedent List: Together with a View of theTrade of Ireland, and the Great Benefits which accrue to Englandthereby; with some hints for the further improvement of the same. "Dublin, second edition, 1729. Reprinted in Thom's "Tracts and Treatisesof Ireland, " 1861, vol. Ii. [T. S]

[129] A reference to Alberoni's expedition in aid of the Jacobites madeseveral years before Swift wrote. [T. S. ]

[130] Sir W. Petty gives the population of Ireland as about one million, two hundred thousand ("Pol. Arithmetic, " 1699). [T. S. ]

[131] This is probably a Swiftian plausibility to give an air of truthto his remarks. Certain parts of America were at that time reputed to beinhabited by cannibals. [T. S. ]

[132] This anecdote is taken from the Description of the Island ofFormosa by that very extraordinary impostor George Psalmanazar, who forsome time passed himself for a native of that distant country. Heafterwards published a retractation of his figments, with manyexpressions of contrition, but containing certain very naturalindications of dislike to those who had detected him. The passagereferred to in the text is as follows: "We also eat human flesh, whichI am now convinced is a very barbarous custom, though we feed only uponour open enemies, slain or made captive in the field, or else uponmalefactors legally executed; the flesh of the latter is our greatestdainty, and is four times dearer than other rare and delicious meat. Webuy it of the executioner, for the bodies of all public capitaloffenders are his fees. As soon as the criminal is dead, he cuts thebody in pieces, squeezes out the blood, and makes his house a shamblesfor the flesh of men and women, where all people that can afford it comeand buy. I remember, about ten years ago, a tall, well-complexioned, pretty fat virgin, about nineteen years of age, and tire-woman to thequeen, was found guilty of high treason, for designing to poison theking; and accordingly she was condemned to suffer the most cruel deaththat could be invented, and her sentence was, to be nailed to a cross, and kept alive as long as possible. The sentence was put in execution;when she fainted with the cruel torment, the hangman gave her strongliquors, &c. To revive her; the sixth day she died. Her long sufferings, youth, and good constitution, made her flesh so tender, delicious, andvaluable, that the executioner sold it for above eight tallies; forthere was such thronging to this inhuman market, that men of greatfashion thought themselves fortunate if they could purchase a pound ortwo of it. " Lond. 1705, p. 112. [S. ]

[133] The English government had been making concessions to theDissenters, and, of course, Swift satirically alludes here to thearguments used by the government in the steps they had taken. But thetruth of the matter, Swift hints, was, that those who desired to abolishthe test were more anxious for their pockets than their consciences. [T. S. ]

[134] The inhabitants of a district of Brazil supposed to be savages, making the name synonymous with savage ignorance. [T. S. ]

[135]

 "Remove me from this land of slaves, Where all are fools, and all are knaves, Where every fool and knave is bought, Yet kindly sells himself for nought. "

(_From Swift's note-book, written while detained at Holyhead inSeptember, 1727. _) [T. S. ]

[136] All these are proposals advocated, of course, by Swift himself, inprevious pamphlets and papers. [T. S. ]

[137] So that there would be no danger of an objection from England thatthe English were suffering from Irish competition. [T. S. ]

[138] This was the celebrated periodical founded by Pulteney, after hehad separated himself from Walpole, to which Bolingbroke contributed hisfamous letters of an Occasional Writer. The journal carried on apolitical war against Walpole's administration, and endeavoured to bringabout the establishment of a new party, to consist of Tories and theWhigs who could not agree with Walpole's methods. Caleb D'Anvers was amere name for a Grub Street hack who was supposed to be the writer. ButWalpole had no difficulty in recognizing the hand of Bolingbroke, andhis reply to the first number of the Occasional Writer made Bolingbrokewince. [T. S. ]

[139] The "Modest Proposal. " See page 207. [T. S. ]

[140] Referring to the silks, laces, and dress of the extravagant women. See pp. 139, 198, 199. [T. S. ]

[141] The chief source of income in Ireland came from the pasture landson which cattle were bred. The cattle were imported to England. TheEnglish landlords, however, taking alarm, discovered to the Crown thatthis importation of Irish cattle was lowering English rents. Two Actspassed in 1665 and 1680 fully met the wishes of the landlords, andruined absolutely the Irish cattle trade. Prevented thus from breedingcattle, the Irish turned to the breeding of sheep, and established, in avery short time, an excellent trade in wool. How England ruined thisindustry also may be seen from note on p. 158. [T. S. ]

[142] Alluding to the facilities afforded for the recruiting of theFrench army in Ireland. [T. S. ]

[143] The King of France. [T. S. ]

[144] Buttermilk. The quotation from Virgil aptly applies to the food ofthe Irish peasants, who, in the words of Skelton, bled their cattle andboiled their blood with sorrel to make a food. [T. S. ]

[145] At Christ Church. See note prefixed to this tract. [T. S. ]

[146] Sheridan, in his life of Swift, gives an instance of this which isquoted by Scott. Carteret had appointed Sheridan one of his domesticchaplains, and the two would often spend hours together, or, in companywith Swift, exchanging talk and knowledge. When Sheridan had one of theGreek tragedies performed by the scholars of the school he kept, Carteret wished to read the play over with him before the performance. At this reading Sheridan was surprised at the ease with which his patroncould translate the original, and, asking him how he came to know it sowell, Carteret told him "that when he was envoy in Denmark, he had beenfor a long time confined to his chamber, partly by illness, and partlyby the severity of the weather; and having but few books with him, hehad read Sophocles over and over so often as to be almost able to repeatthe whole _verbatim_, which impressed it ever after indelibly on hismemory. " [T. S. ]

[147] This refers to Richard Tighe, the gentleman who informed on poorSheridan for preaching from the text on the anniversary of King George'saccession, "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. " It was on thisinformation that Sheridan lost his living. Swift never afterwards missedan opportunity to ridicule Tighe, and he has lampooned that individualin several poems. In "The Legion Club" Swift calls him Dick Fitzbaker, alluding to his descent from one of Cromwell's contractors, who suppliedthe army with bread. [T. S. ]

[148] "The worst of times" was the expression used by the Whigs whenthey referred to Oxford's administration in the last four years of QueenAnne's reign. [T. S. ]

[149] A famous rope-dancer of that time. [H. ]

[150] A justice of the peace, who afterwards gave Swift fartherprovocation. It was Hutcheson who signed Faulkner's committal to prisonfor printing "A New Proposal for the Better Regulation and Improvementof Quadrille, " a pamphlet which Swift did not write, but which had hisfavour. A jeering insinuation was made against the famous SergeantBettesworth, whom Swift had already lampooned, and Bettesworthcomplained to the House of Commons. Hutcheson aided Bettesworth in thisprosecution, causing Swift to be roused to a strong indignation againstsuch unconstitutional proceedings. 

 "Better we all were in our graves, Than live in slavery to slaves. "

These are the lines beginning one of his more trenchant lampoons againstthe magistrate. [T. S. ]

[151] "The beast who had kicked him" is the expression Swift uses forTighe in writing to Sheridan in a letter on September 25th, 1725. Inthat letter Swift urges Sheridan to revenge, and promises him his help. [T. S. ]

[152] The word is spelt "Galloway" in the original edition. The earldomof Galway became extinct in 1720. For an account of the earl, see noteon p. 20 of volume v. Of this edition. [T. S. ]

[153] Joshua, Lord Allen. See p. 175 [T. S. ]

[154] Swift's poem entitled "Traulus" was published at this price, andgives in rhyme much the same matter as is here given in prose. See p. 176. [T. S. ]

[155] Lord Allen was reputed to be wrong in his head. When Swift wasonce asked to excuse him for his conduct on the plea that he was mad, Swift replied: "I know that he is a madman; and, if that were all, noman living could commiserate his condition more than myself; but, sir, he is a madman possessed by the devil. I renounce him. " (See Scott's"Life of Swift, " p. 365. ) [T. S. ]

[156] The reader may compare what is stated in these two paragraphs withthe same opinion expressed by the author in "The Public Spirit of theWhigs. " [S. ]

[157] See notes on pp. 74, 232. [T. S. ]

[158] See note on p. 232. [T. S. ]

[159] Mr. Tickell and Mr. Ballaquer. Tickell was Addison's biographer, and a friend and correspondent of Swift. He was no mean poet, and thoughPope did not care for him Swift did. Tickell was Secretary to the LordsJustices of Ireland, and Ballaquer Secretary to Carteret. [T. S. ]

[160] The day of the anniversary of the accession of George I. In his"History of Solomon the Second" Swift censures his friend strongly forhis indiscretion. [T. S. ]

[161] The Richard Tighe afore-mentioned. [T. S. ]

[162] Sheridan wrote a poem displeasing to Swift, which Swift thusanimadverts on in the "History of the Second Solomon": "Having lain manyyears under the obloquy of a high Tory and a Jacobite, upon the presentQueen's birthday, he [Dr. Sheridan] writ a song to be performed beforethe government and those who attended them, in praise of the Queen andKing, on the common topics of her beauty, wit, family, love of England, and all other virtues, wherein the King and the royal children weresharers. It was very hard to avoid the common topics. A young collegianwho had done the same job the year before, got some reputation onaccount of his wit. Solomon would needs vie with him, by which he lostthe esteem of his old friends the Tories, and got not the least interestwith the Whigs, for they are now too strong to want advocates of thatkind; and, therefore, one of the lords-justices reading the verses insome company, said, 'Ah, doctor, this shall not do. ' His name was atlength in the title-page; and he did this without the knowledge oradvice of one living soul, as he himself confesseth. " [T. S. ]

[163] Dr. Stopford, Bishop of Cloyne, one of Swift's intimate friends. Stopford always acknowledged that he owed his advancement entirely toSwift's kindness. He wrote an elegant Latin tribute to Swift, given byScott in an appendix to the "Life. " With Delany and others he was one ofSwift's executors. 

[164] Delany was a ripe scholar and much esteemed by Swift, though thelatter had occasion to rebuke him for attempting to court favour withthe Castle people, and for an attack on the "Intelligencer, " a journalwhich Swift and Sheridan had started. Delany, however, was a littlejealous of Sheridan's favour with the Dean. He was afterwards Chancellorof St Patrick's, and wrote a life of Swift. [T. S. ]

[165] Sir Constantine Phipps, Lord Chancellor of Ireland when Queen Annedied. [_Orig. Note. _]

[166] Swift himself. [T. S. ]

[167] Dr. William King, who died a year or so before Swift wrote. [T. S. ]

[168] In 1724, two under-graduates were expelled from Trinity Collegefor alleged insolence to the provost. Dr. Delany espoused their causewith such warmth that it drew upon him very inconvenient consequences, and he was at length obliged to give satisfaction to the college by aformal acknowledgment of his offence. [S. ]

[169] A very good friend of Swift, at whose place at Gosford, in thecounty of Antrim, Swift would often stay for months together. Thereference here is to the project for converting a large house, calledHamilton's Bawn, situated about two miles from Sir Arthur Acheson'sseat, into a barrack. The project gave rise to Swift's poem, entitled, "The Grand Question Debated, " given by Scott in vol. Xv. , p. 171. [T. S. ]

[170] Most of these expressions explain themselves. "Termagants" wasapplied to resisters, as used in the old morality plays. "Iconoclasts, "the name given to those who defaced King William's statue. "White-rosalists, " given to those who wore the Stuart badge on the 10thof June, the day of the Pretender's birthday. [T. S. ]

[171] By fines is meant the increase made in rents on the occasion ofrenewals of leases. [T. S. ]

[172] This document was copied by Sir Walter Scott from Dr. Lyon'spapers. It is indorsed, "Queries for Mr. Lindsay, " and "21st Nov. , 1730, Mr. Lindsay's opinion concerning Mr. Gorman, in answer to my queries. "Mr. Lindsay's answer was:

"I have carefully perused and considered this case, and am clearly ofopinion, that the agent has not made any one answer like a man ofbusiness, but has answered very much like a true agent. 

"Nov. 21, 1730. Robert Lindsay. "

[173] Swift was born at No. 7, Hoey's Court, near the Castle grounds. [T. S. ]

[174] A sort of sugar-cakes in the shape of hearts. [F. ]

[175] A new name for a modern periwig with a long black tail, and forits owner; now in fashion, Dec. 1, 1733. [F. ]

[176] Referring to the last four years of Anne's reign, when Harley wasminister. The expression was a Whig one. [T. S. ]

[177] "The squeezing of the orange" was literally a toast among thedisaffected in the reign of William III. [S. ]

[178] The author's meaning is just contrary to the literal sense in thecharacter of Lord Oxford; while he is in truth sneering at the splendourof Houghton, and the supposed wealth of Sir Robert Walpole. [S. ]

[179] The paragraph here printed in square brackets did not appear inthe original Dublin edition of 1732. [T. S. ]

[180] Was a gentleman of a very large estate, and left it to the poorpeople of England, to be distributed amongst them annually, as theParliament of Great Britain, his executors, should think proper. [F. ]

[181] 4, 060, 000 in 1734 and 4, 600, 000 in edition of 1733. To make thetotal agree with the division below it, the item against Richard Nortonhas been altered from 60, 000 to 6, 000. [T. S. ]

[182] See note on page 269. [T. S. ]

[183] See note on page 271. [T. S. ]

[184] Humphry French, Lord Mayor of Dublin for the year 1732-3, waselected to succeed Alderman Samuel Burton. [F. ]

[185] John Macarrell, Register of the Barracks, shortly after this dateelected to the representation of Carlingford. [F. ]

[186] Edward Thompson, member of parliament for York, and a Commissionerof the Revenue in Ireland. [F. ]

[187] Mr. Thompson was presented with the freedom of severalcorporations in Ireland. [F. ]

[188] Upon the death of Mr. Stoyte, Recorder of the City of Dublin, inthe year 1733, several gentlemen declared themselves candidates tosucceed him; upon which the Dean wrote the above paper, and EatonStannard, Esq. (a gentleman of great worth and honour, and very knowingin his profession) was elected [F. ]

[189] Dr. William King. [T. S. ]

[190] The following, from Deane Swift's edition, given by Sir WalterScott in his edition of Swift's works, refers to this "very plainproposal. " It is evidently written by Swift, and is dated, as from theDeanery House, September 26th, 1726, almost eleven years before theabove tract was issued:

"DEANERY-HOUSE, _Sept. 26, 1726. _

"The continued concourse of beggars from all parts of the kingdom tothis city, having made it impossible for the several parishes tomaintain their own poor, according to the ancient laws of the land, several lord mayors did apply themselves to the lord Archbishop ofDublin, that his grace would direct his clergy, and his churchwardens ofthe said city, to appoint badges of brass, copper, or pewter, to be wornby the poor of the several parishes. The badges to be marked with theinitial letters of the name of each church, and numbered 1, 2, 3, etc. , and to be well sewed and fastened on the right and left shoulder of theoutward garment of each of the said poor, by which they might bedistinguished. And that none of the said poor should go out of their ownparish to beg alms; whereof the beadles were to take care. 

"His grace the lord Archbishop, did accordingly give his directions tothe clergy; which, however, have proved wholly ineffectual, by thefraud, perverseness, or pride of the said poor, several of them openlyprotesting 'they will never submit to wear the said badges. ' And ofthose who received them, almost every one keep them in their pockets, orhang them in a string about their necks, or fasten them under theircoats, not to be seen, by which means the whole design is eluded; sothat a man may walk from one end of the town to another, without seeingone beggar regularly badged, and in such great numbers, that they are amighty nuisance to the public, most of them being foreigners. 

"It is therefore proposed, that his grace the lord Archbishop wouldplease to call the clergy of the city together, and renew his directionsand exhortations to them, to put the affair of badges effectually inpractice, by such methods as his grace and they shall agree upon. And Ithink it would be highly necessary that some paper should be pasted upin several proper parts of the city, signifying this order, andexhorting all people to give no alms except to those poor who areregularly badged, and only while they are in the precincts of their ownparishes. And if something like this were delivered by the ministers inthe reading-desk two or three Lord's-days successively, it would stillbe of further use to put this matter upon a right foot. And that all whooffend against this regulation shall be treated as vagabonds and sturdybeggars. " [T. S. ]

[191] Spelt now St. Warburgh's. [T. S. ]

[192] About the beginning of the eighteenth century, Dr. Gwythers, aphysician, and fellow of the University of Dublin, brought over with hima parcel of frogs from England to Ireland, in order to propagate theirspecies in that kingdom, and threw them into the ditches of theUniversity Park; but they all perished. Whereupon he sent to England forsome bottles of the frog-spawn, which he threw into those ditches, bywhich means the species of frogs was propagated in that kingdom. However, their number was so small in the year 1720, that a frog wasnowhere to be seen in Ireland, except in the neighbourhood of theUniversity Park: but within six or seven years after, they spreadthirty, forty, or fifty miles over the country; and so at last, bydegrees, over the whole country. [D. S. ]

[193] Swift's uncle, Godwin Swift, for whose memory he had no specialregard, seems to have been concerned in this ingenious anagram andunfortunate project. [S. ]

[194] This reproach has been certainly removed since the Deanflourished; for the titles of the Irish peerages of late creation haverather been in the opposite extreme, and resemble, in some instances, the appellatives in romances and novels. 

Thomas O'Brien MacMahon, an Irish author, quoted by Mr. Southey in hisOmniana, in a most angry pamphlet on "The Candour and Good-nature ofEnglishmen, " has the following diverting passage, which may serve as acorollary to Swift's Tract:--"You sent out the children of yourprinces, " says he, addressing the Irish, "and sometimes your princes inperson, to enlighten this kingdom, then sitting in utter darkness, (meaning England) and how have they recompensed you? Why, afterlawlessly distributing your estates, possessed for thirteen centuries ormore, by your illustrious families, whose antiquity and nobility, ifequalled by any nation in the world, none but the immutable God ofAbraham's chosen, though, at present, wandering and afflicted people, surpasses: After, I say, seizing on your inheritances, and flinging themamong their Cocks, Hens, Crows, Rooks, Daws, Wolves, Lions, Foxes, Rams, Bulls, Hoggs, and other beasts and birds of prey, or vesting them in thesweepings of their jails, their Small-woods, Do-littles, Barebones, Strangeways, Smarts, Sharps, Tarts, Sterns, Churls, and Savages; theirGreens, Blacks, Browns, Greys and Whites; their Smiths, Carpenters, Brewers, Bakers, and Taylors; their Sutlers, Cutlers, Butlers, Trustlersand Jugglers; their Norths, Souths, and Wests; their Fields, Rows, Streets, and Lanes; their Toms-sons, Dicks-sons, Johns-sons, James-sons, Wills-sons, and Waters-sons; their Shorts, Longs, Lows, and Squabs;their Parks, Sacks, Tacks, and Jacks; and, to complete their ingratitudeand injustice, they have transported a cargo of notorious traitors tothe Divine Majesty among you, impiously calling them the Ministers ofGod's Word. " [S. ]

[195] The Tholsel, where criminals for the city were tried, and whereproclamations, etc. , were posted. It was invariably called the Touls'elby the lower class. [S. ]

[196] This and the following piece were, according to Sir Walter Scott, found among the collection of Mr. Smith. The examples of Englishblunders which Scott also reprints were given by Sheridan by way ofretaliation to these specimens of Irish blunders noted by Swift. [T. S. ]

[197] This specimen of Irish-English, or what Swift condemned as such, is taken from an unfinished copy in the Dean's handwriting, found amongMr. Lyons's papers. [S. ]

[198] See note on p. 368. [T. S. ]

[199] Dunkin was one of Swift's favourites, to judge by the effortsSwift made on his behalf. Writing to Alderman Barber (17th January, 1737-38), Swift speaks of him as "a gentleman of much wit and the bestEnglish as well as Latin poet in this kingdom. " Several of Dunkin'spoems were printed in Scott's edition of Swift's works, but hiscollected works were issued in 1774. Dunkin was educated at TrinityCollege, Dublin. [T. S. ]

[200] The "Occasional Writer's" Letters are printed in LordBolingbroke's Works. [N. ]

[201] Sir Robert Walpole was by no means negligent of his literaryassistants. But, unfortunately, like an unskilful general, he confidedmore in the number than the spirit or discipline of his forces. Arnall, Concanen, and Henley, were wretched auxiliaries; yet they could notcomplain of indifferent pay, since Arnall used to brag, that, in thecourse of four years, he had received from the treasury, for hispolitical writings, the sum of _£10, 997 6s. 8d. _ [S. ]

[202] The authority for considering this "Account" to be the work ofSwift is Mr. Deane Swift, the editor of the edition of 1765 of Swift'sworks. It is included in the eighth volume of the quarto edition issuedthat year. Burke also seems to have had no doubt at all about theauthorship. Referring to the Dean's disposition to defend Queen Anne andto ridicule her successor, he says, "it is probable that the pieces inwhich he does it ('Account of the Court of Japan, ' and 'Directions formaking a Birth-day Song') were the occasion of most of the otherposthumous articles having been so long withheld from the publick. "Undoubtedly, there is much in this piece that savours of Swift's methodof dealing with such a subject; but that could easily be imitated by aclever reader of "Gulliver. " The style, however, in which it is writtenis not distinctly Swift's. 

At the time this tract was written (1728) the Tory party was anxiouslyhoping that the accession of George II. Would see the downfall ofWalpole. But the party was doomed to a bitter disappointment. Walpolenot only maintained but added to the power he enjoyed under George I. Bywhat means this was accomplished the writer of this piece attempts tohint. Sir Walter Scott thinks the piece was probably left imperfect, "when the crisis to which the Tories so anxiously looked forwardterminated so undesirably, in the confirmation of Walpole's power. "[T. S. ]

[203] King George. [S. ]

[204] Queen Anne. [S. ]

[205] Whigs and Tories. Anagrams of Huigse and Toryes. [T. S. ]

[206] Hanover. Anagrams for Deuts = Deutsch = German. [T. S. ]

[207] Bremen and Lubeck. [S. ]

[208] The quadruple alliance, usually accounted the most impolitic stepin the reign of George I. , had its rise in his anxiety for hiscontinental dominions. [S. ]

[209] Through all the reign of George I. , the Whigs were in triumphantpossession of the government. [S. ]

[210] Sir Robert Walpole [S. ]

[211] When secretary at war, Walpole received £500 from the contractorsfor forage; and although he alleged that it was a sum due to a thirdparty in the contract, and only remitted through his hands, he was votedguilty of corruption, expelled the House, and sent to the Tower, by theTory Parliament. [S. ]

[212] King George II. [S. ]

[213] Sir Spencer Compton, Speaker of the House of Commons. [S. ]

[214] Sir Thomas Hanmer. [S. ]

[215] About a million sterling. [D. S. ]

[216] This piece is included here on the authority of Mr. Deane Swift, and was accepted by Sir Walter Scott on the same authority. The writingis excellent and bears every mark of Swift's hand. In the note to the"Letter to the Writer of the Occasional Paper" was included the heads ofa paper which Swift suggested, found by Sir H. Craik. The present"Answer" may serve as further evidence of Sir H. Craik's suggestion thatSwift may have assisted Pulteney and Bolingbroke on more than oneoccasion. 

The present text is that of the 1768 quarto edition. [T. S. ]

[217] "Gasping, " 1768; "grasping, " Nichols, 1801. [T. S. ]

[218]

 "For neither man nor angel can discern Hypocrisy--the only evil that walks Invisible, except to God alone, By His permissive will, through heaven and earth, And oft, though Wisdom wake, Suspicion sleeps At Wisdom's gate, and to Simplicity Resigns her charge, while Goodness thinks no ill Where no ill seems. "--

 _Paradise Lost_, Book III. , 682-689. [T. S. ]

CHISWICK PRESS: CHARLES WHITTINGHAM AND CO. 

TOOKS COURT, CHANCERY LANE, LONDON.