DON QUIXOTE

 Volume II. 

 Part 30. 

 by Miguel de Cervantes

 Translated by John Ormsby

CHAPTER XXXVI. 

WHEREIN IS RELATED THE STRANGE AND UNDREAMT-OF ADVENTURE OF THEDISTRESSED DUENNA, ALIAS THE COUNTESS TRIFALDI, TOGETHER WITH A LETTERWHICH SANCHO PANZA WROTE TO HIS WIFE, TERESA PANZA

The duke had a majordomo of a very facetious and sportive turn, and he itwas that played the part of Merlin, made all the arrangements for thelate adventure, composed the verses, and got a page to representDulcinea; and now, with the assistance of his master and mistress, he gotup another of the drollest and strangest contrivances that can beimagined. 

The duchess asked Sancho the next day if he had made a beginning with hispenance task which he had to perform for the disenchantment of Dulcinea. He said he had, and had given himself five lashes overnight. 

The duchess asked him what he had given them with. 

He said with his hand. 

"That, " said the duchess, "is more like giving oneself slaps than lashes;I am sure the sage Merlin will not be satisfied with such tenderness;worthy Sancho must make a scourge with claws, or a cat-o'-nine tails, that will make itself felt; for it's with blood that letters enter, andthe release of so great a lady as Dulcinea will not be granted socheaply, or at such a paltry price; and remember, Sancho, that works ofcharity done in a lukewarm and half-hearted way are without merit and ofno avail. "

To which Sancho replied, "If your ladyship will give me a proper scourgeor cord, I'll lay on with it, provided it does not hurt too much; for youmust know, boor as I am, my flesh is more cotton than hemp, and it won'tdo for me to destroy myself for the good of anybody else. "

"So be it by all means, " said the duchess; "tomorrow I'll give you ascourge that will be just the thing for you, and will accommodate itselfto the tenderness of your flesh, as if it was its own sister. "

Then said Sancho, "Your highness must know, dear lady of my soul, that Ihave a letter written to my wife, Teresa Panza, giving her an account ofall that has happened me since I left her; I have it here in my bosom, and there's nothing wanting but to put the address to it; I'd be glad ifyour discretion would read it, for I think it runs in the governor style;I mean the way governors ought to write. "

"And who dictated it?" asked the duchess. 

"Who should have dictated but myself, sinner as I am?" said Sancho. 

"And did you write it yourself?" said the duchess. 

"That I didn't, " said Sancho; "for I can neither read nor write, though Ican sign my name. "

"Let us see it, " said the duchess, "for never fear but you display in itthe quality and quantity of your wit. "

Sancho drew out an open letter from his bosom, and the duchess, takingit, found it ran in this fashion:

SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO HIS WIFE, TERESA PANZA

If I was well whipped I went mounted like a gentleman; if I have got agood government it is at the cost of a good whipping. Thou wilt notunderstand this just now, my Teresa; by-and-by thou wilt know what itmeans. I may tell thee, Teresa, I mean thee to go in a coach, for that isa matter of importance, because every other way of going is going onall-fours. Thou art a governor's wife; take care that nobody speaks evilof thee behind thy back. I send thee here a green hunting suit that mylady the duchess gave me; alter it so as to make a petticoat and bodicefor our daughter. Don Quixote, my master, if I am to believe what I hearin these parts, is a madman of some sense, and a droll blockhead, and Iam no way behind him. We have been in the cave of Montesinos, and thesage Merlin has laid hold of me for the disenchantment of Dulcinea delToboso, her that is called Aldonza Lorenzo over there. With threethousand three hundred lashes, less five, that I'm to give myself, shewill be left as entirely disenchanted as the mother that bore her. Saynothing of this to anyone; for, make thy affairs public, and some willsay they are white and others will say they are black. I shall leave thisin a few days for my government, to which I am going with a mighty greatdesire to make money, for they tell me all new governors set out with thesame desire; I will feel the pulse of it and will let thee know if thouart to come and live with me or not. Dapple is well and sends manyremembrances to thee; I am not going to leave him behind though they tookme away to be Grand Turk. My lady the duchess kisses thy hands a thousandtimes; do thou make a return with two thousand, for as my master says, nothing costs less or is cheaper than civility. God has not been pleasedto provide another valise for me with another hundred crowns, like theone the other day; but never mind, my Teresa, the bell-ringer is in safequarters, and all will come out in the scouring of the government; onlyit troubles me greatly what they tell me--that once I have tasted it Iwill eat my hands off after it; and if that is so it will not come verycheap to me; though to be sure the maimed have a benefice of their own inthe alms they beg for; so that one way or another thou wilt be rich andin luck. God give it to thee as he can, and keep me to serve thee. Fromthis castle, the 20th of July, 1614. 

Thy husband, the governor. 

SANCHO PANZA

When she had done reading the letter the duchess said to Sancho, "On twopoints the worthy governor goes rather astray; one is in saying orhinting that this government has been bestowed upon him for the lashesthat he is to give himself, when he knows (and he cannot deny it) thatwhen my lord the duke promised it to him nobody ever dreamt of such athing as lashes; the other is that he shows himself here to be verycovetous; and I would not have him a money-seeker, for 'covetousnessbursts the bag, ' and the covetous governor does ungoverned justice. "

"I don't mean it that way, senora, " said Sancho; "and if you think theletter doesn't run as it ought to do, it's only to tear it up and makeanother; and maybe it will be a worse one if it is left to my gumption. "

"No, no, " said the duchess, "this one will do, and I wish the duke to seeit. "

With this they betook themselves to a garden where they were to dine, andthe duchess showed Sancho's letter to the duke, who was highly delightedwith it. They dined, and after the cloth had been removed and they hadamused themselves for a while with Sancho's rich conversation, themelancholy sound of a fife and harsh discordant drum made itself heard. All seemed somewhat put out by this dull, confused, martial harmony, especially Don Quixote, who could not keep his seat from puredisquietude; as to Sancho, it is needless to say that fear drove him tohis usual refuge, the side or the skirts of the duchess; and indeed andin truth the sound they heard was a most doleful and melancholy one. While they were still in uncertainty they saw advancing towards themthrough the garden two men clad in mourning robes so long and flowingthat they trailed upon the ground. As they marched they beat two greatdrums which were likewise draped in black, and beside them came the fifeplayer, black and sombre like the others. Following these came apersonage of gigantic stature enveloped rather than clad in a gown of thedeepest black, the skirt of which was of prodigious dimensions. Over thegown, girdling or crossing his figure, he had a broad baldric which wasalso black, and from which hung a huge scimitar with a black scabbard andfurniture. He had his face covered with a transparent black veil, throughwhich might be descried a very long beard as white as snow. He came onkeeping step to the sound of the drums with great gravity and dignity;and, in short, his stature, his gait, the sombreness of his appearanceand his following might well have struck with astonishment, as they did, all who beheld him without knowing who he was. With this measured paceand in this guise he advanced to kneel before the duke, who, with theothers, awaited him standing. The duke, however, would not on any accountallow him to speak until he had risen. The prodigious scarecrow obeyed, and standing up, removed the veil from his face and disclosed the mostenormous, the longest, the whitest and the thickest beard that human eyeshad ever beheld until that moment, and then fetching up a grave, sonorousvoice from the depths of his broad, capacious chest, and fixing his eyeson the duke, he said:

"Most high and mighty senor, my name is Trifaldin of the White Beard; Iam squire to the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called the DistressedDuenna, on whose behalf I bear a message to your highness, which is thatyour magnificence will be pleased to grant her leave and permission tocome and tell you her trouble, which is one of the strangest and mostwonderful that the mind most familiar with trouble in the world couldhave imagined; but first she desires to know if the valiant and nevervanquished knight, Don Quixote of La Mancha, is in this your castle, forshe has come in quest of him on foot and without breaking her fast fromthe kingdom of Kandy to your realms here; a thing which may and ought tobe regarded as a miracle or set down to enchantment; she is even now atthe gate of this fortress or plaisance, and only waits for yourpermission to enter. I have spoken. " And with that he coughed, andstroked down his beard with both his hands, and stood very tranquillywaiting for the response of the duke, which was to this effect: "Manydays ago, worthy squire Trifaldin of the White Beard, we heard of themisfortune of my lady the Countess Trifaldi, whom the enchanters havecaused to be called the Distressed Duenna. Bid her enter, O stupendoussquire, and tell her that the valiant knight Don Quixote of La Mancha ishere, and from his generous disposition she may safely promise herselfevery protection and assistance; and you may tell her, too, that if myaid be necessary it will not be withheld, for I am bound to give it toher by my quality of knight, which involves the protection of women ofall sorts, especially widowed, wronged, and distressed dames, such as herladyship seems to be. "

On hearing this Trifaldin bent the knee to the ground, and making a signto the fifer and drummers to strike up, he turned and marched out of thegarden to the same notes and at the same pace as when he entered, leavingthem all amazed at his bearing and solemnity. Turning to Don Quixote, theduke said, "After all, renowned knight, the mists of malice and ignoranceare unable to hide or obscure the light of valour and virtue. I say so, because your excellence has been barely six days in this castle, andalready the unhappy and the afflicted come in quest of you from lands fardistant and remote, and not in coaches or on dromedaries, but on foot andfasting, confident that in that mighty arm they will find a cure fortheir sorrows and troubles; thanks to your great achievements, which arecirculated all over the known earth. "

"I wish, senor duke, " replied Don Quixote, "that blessed ecclesiastic, who at table the other day showed such ill-will and bitter spite againstknights-errant, were here now to see with his own eyes whether knights ofthe sort are needed in the world; he would at any rate learn byexperience that those suffering any extraordinary affliction or sorrow, in extreme cases and unusual misfortunes do not go to look for a remedyto the houses of jurists or village sacristans, or to the knight who hasnever attempted to pass the bounds of his own town, or to the indolentcourtier who only seeks for news to repeat and talk of, instead ofstriving to do deeds and exploits for others to relate and record. Reliefin distress, help in need, protection for damsels, consolation forwidows, are to be found in no sort of persons better than inknights-errant; and I give unceasing thanks to heaven that I am one, andregard any misfortune or suffering that may befall me in the pursuit ofso honourable a calling as endured to good purpose. Let this duenna comeand ask what she will, for I will effect her relief by the might of myarm and the dauntless resolution of my bold heart. "

CHAPTER XXXVII. 

WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA

The duke and duchess were extremely glad to see how readily Don Quixotefell in with their scheme; but at this moment Sancho observed, "I hopethis senora duenna won't be putting any difficulties in the way of thepromise of my government; for I have heard a Toledo apothecary, whotalked like a goldfinch, say that where duennas were mixed up nothinggood could happen. God bless me, how he hated them, that same apothecary!And so what I'm thinking is, if all duennas, of whatever sort orcondition they may be, are plagues and busybodies, what must they be thatare distressed, like this Countess Three-skirts or Three-tails!--for inmy country skirts or tails, tails or skirts, it's all one. "

"Hush, friend Sancho, " said Don Quixote; "since this lady duenna comes inquest of me from such a distant land she cannot be one of those theapothecary meant; moreover this is a countess, and when countesses serveas duennas it is in the service of queens and empresses, for in their ownhouses they are mistresses paramount and have other duennas to wait onthem. "

To this Dona Rodriguez, who was present, made answer, "My lady theduchess has duennas in her service that might be countesses if it was thewill of fortune; 'but laws go as kings like;' let nobody speak ill ofduennas, above all of ancient maiden ones; for though I am not onemyself, I know and am aware of the advantage a maiden duenna has over onethat is a widow; but 'he who clipped us has kept the scissors. '"

"For all that, " said Sancho, "there's so much to be clipped aboutduennas, so my barber said, that 'it will be better not to stir the riceeven though it sticks. '"

"These squires, " returned Dona Rodriguez, "are always our enemies; and asthey are the haunting spirits of the antechambers and watch us at everystep, whenever they are not saying their prayers (and that's oftenenough) they spend their time in tattling about us, digging up our bonesand burying our good name. But I can tell these walking blocks that wewill live in spite of them, and in great houses too, though we die ofhunger and cover our flesh, be it delicate or not, with widow's weeds, asone covers or hides a dunghill on a procession day. By my faith, if itwere permitted me and time allowed, I could prove, not only to those herepresent, but to all the world, that there is no virtue that is not to befound in a duenna. "

"I have no doubt, " said the duchess, "that my good Dona Rodriguez isright, and very much so; but she had better bide her time for fightingher own battle and that of the rest of the duennas, so as to crush thecalumny of that vile apothecary, and root out the prejudice in the greatSancho Panza's mind. "

To which Sancho replied, "Ever since I have sniffed the governorship Ihave got rid of the humours of a squire, and I don't care a wild fig forall the duennas in the world. "

They would have carried on this duenna dispute further had they not heardthe notes of the fife and drums once more, from which they concluded thatthe Distressed Duenna was making her entrance. The duchess asked the dukeif it would be proper to go out to receive her, as she was a countess anda person of rank. 

"In respect of her being a countess, " said Sancho, before the duke couldreply, "I am for your highnesses going out to receive her; but in respectof her being a duenna, it is my opinion you should not stir a step. "

"Who bade thee meddle in this, Sancho?" said Don Quixote. 

"Who, senor?" said Sancho; "I meddle for I have a right to meddle, as asquire who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school of yourworship, the most courteous and best-bred knight in the whole world ofcourtliness; and in these things, as I have heard your worship say, asmuch is lost by a card too many as by a card too few, and to one who hashis ears open, few words. "

"Sancho is right, " said the duke; "we'll see what the countess is like, and by that measure the courtesy that is due to her. "

And now the drums and fife made their entrance as before; and here theauthor brought this short chapter to an end and began the next, followingup the same adventure, which is one of the most notable in the history. 

CHAPTER XXXVIII. 

WHEREIN IS TOLD THE DISTRESSED DUENNA'S TALE OF HER MISFORTUNES

Following the melancholy musicians there filed into the garden as many astwelve duennas, in two lines, all dressed in ample mourning robesapparently of milled serge, with hoods of fine white gauze so long thatthey allowed only the border of the robe to be seen. Behind them came theCountess Trifaldi, the squire Trifaldin of the White Beard leading her bythe hand, clad in the finest unnapped black baize, such that, had it anap, every tuft would have shown as big as a Martos chickpea; the tail, or skirt, or whatever it might be called, ended in three points whichwere borne up by the hands of three pages, likewise dressed in mourning, forming an elegant geometrical figure with the three acute angles made bythe three points, from which all who saw the peaked skirt concluded thatit must be because of it the countess was called Trifaldi, as though itwere Countess of the Three Skirts; and Benengeli says it was so, and thatby her right name she was called the Countess Lobuna, because wolves bredin great numbers in her country; and if, instead of wolves, they had beenfoxes, she would have been called the Countess Zorruna, as it was thecustom in those parts for lords to take distinctive titles from the thingor things most abundant in their dominions; this countess, however, inhonour of the new fashion of her skirt, dropped Lobuna and took upTrifaldi. 

The twelve duennas and the lady came on at procession pace, their facesbeing covered with black veils, not transparent ones like Trifaldin's, but so close that they allowed nothing to be seen through them. As soonas the band of duennas was fully in sight, the duke, the duchess, and DonQuixote stood up, as well as all who were watching the slow-movingprocession. The twelve duennas halted and formed a lane, along which theDistressed One advanced, Trifaldin still holding her hand. On seeing thisthe duke, the duchess, and Don Quixote went some twelve paces forward tomeet her. She then, kneeling on the ground, said in a voice hoarse andrough, rather than fine and delicate, "May it please your highnesses notto offer such courtesies to this your servant, I should say to this yourhandmaid, for I am in such distress that I shall never be able to make aproper return, because my strange and unparalleled misfortune has carriedoff my wits, and I know not whither; but it must be a long way off, forthe more I look for them the less I find them. "

"He would be wanting in wits, senora countess, " said the duke, "who didnot perceive your worth by your person, for at a glance it may be seen itdeserves all the cream of courtesy and flower of polite usage;" andraising her up by the hand he led her to a seat beside the duchess, wholikewise received her with great urbanity. Don Quixote remained silent, while Sancho was dying to see the features of Trifaldi and one or two ofher many duennas; but there was no possibility of it until theythemselves displayed them of their own accord and free will. 

All kept still, waiting to see who would break silence, which theDistressed Duenna did in these words: "I am confident, most mighty lord, most fair lady, and most discreet company, that my most miserable miserywill be accorded a reception no less dispassionate than generous andcondolent in your most valiant bosoms, for it is one that is enough tomelt marble, soften diamonds, and mollify the steel of the most hardenedhearts in the world; but ere it is proclaimed to your hearing, not to sayyour ears, I would fain be enlightened whether there be present in thissociety, circle, or company, that knight immaculatissimus, Don Quixote dela Manchissima, and his squirissimus Panza. "

"The Panza is here, " said Sancho, before anyone could reply, "and DonQuixotissimus too; and so, most distressedest Duenissima, you may saywhat you willissimus, for we are all readissimus to do you anyservissimus. "

On this Don Quixote rose, and addressing the Distressed Duenna, said, "Ifyour sorrows, afflicted lady, can indulge in any hope of relief from thevalour or might of any knight-errant, here are mine, which, feeble andlimited though they be, shall be entirely devoted to your service. I amDon Quixote of La Mancha, whose calling it is to give aid to the needy ofall sorts; and that being so, it is not necessary for you, senora, tomake any appeal to benevolence, or deal in preambles, only to tell yourwoes plainly and straightforwardly: for you have hearers that will knowhow, if not to remedy them, to sympathise with them. "

On hearing this, the Distressed Duenna made as though she would throwherself at Don Quixote's feet, and actually did fall before them andsaid, as she strove to embrace them, "Before these feet and legs I castmyself, O unconquered knight, as before, what they are, the foundationsand pillars of knight-errantry; these feet I desire to kiss, for upontheir steps hangs and depends the sole remedy for my misfortune, Ovalorous errant, whose veritable achievements leave behind and eclipsethe fabulous ones of the Amadises, Esplandians, and Belianises!" Thenturning from Don Quixote to Sancho Panza, and grasping his hands, shesaid, "O thou, most loyal squire that ever served knight-errant in thispresent age or ages past, whose goodness is more extensive than the beardof Trifaldin my companion here of present, well mayest thou boast thyselfthat, in serving the great Don Quixote, thou art serving, summed up inone, the whole host of knights that have ever borne arms in the world. Iconjure thee, by what thou owest to thy most loyal goodness, that thouwilt become my kind intercessor with thy master, that he speedily giveaid to this most humble and most unfortunate countess. "

To this Sancho made answer, "As to my goodness, senora, being as long andas great as your squire's beard, it matters very little to me; may I havemy soul well bearded and moustached when it comes to quit this life, that's the point; about beards here below I care little or nothing; butwithout all these blandishments and prayers, I will beg my master (for Iknow he loves me, and, besides, he has need of me just now for a certainbusiness) to help and aid your worship as far as he can; unpack your woesand lay them before us, and leave us to deal with them, for we'll be allof one mind. "

The duke and duchess, as it was they who had made the experiment of thisadventure, were ready to burst with laughter at all this, and betweenthemselves they commended the clever acting of the Trifaldi, who, returning to her seat, said, "Queen Dona Maguncia reigned over the famouskingdom of Kandy, which lies between the great Trapobana and the SouthernSea, two leagues beyond Cape Comorin. She was the widow of KingArchipiela, her lord and husband, and of their marriage they had issuethe Princess Antonomasia, heiress of the kingdom; which PrincessAntonomasia was reared and brought up under my care and direction, Ibeing the oldest and highest in rank of her mother's duennas. Timepassed, and the young Antonomasia reached the age of fourteen, and such aperfection of beauty, that nature could not raise it higher. Then, itmust not be supposed her intelligence was childish; she was asintelligent as she was fair, and she was fairer than all the world; andis so still, unless the envious fates and hard-hearted sisters three havecut for her the thread of life. But that they have not, for Heaven willnot suffer so great a wrong to Earth, as it would be to pluck unripe thegrapes of the fairest vineyard on its surface. Of this beauty, to whichmy poor feeble tongue has failed to do justice, countless princes, notonly of that country, but of others, were enamoured, and among them aprivate gentleman, who was at the court, dared to raise his thoughts tothe heaven of so great beauty, trusting to his youth, his gallantbearing, his numerous accomplishments and graces, and his quickness andreadiness of wit; for I may tell your highnesses, if I am not wearyingyou, that he played the guitar so as to make it speak, and he was, besides, a poet and a great dancer, and he could make birdcages so well, that by making them alone he might have gained a livelihood, had he foundhimself reduced to utter poverty; and gifts and graces of this kind areenough to bring down a mountain, not to say a tender young girl. But allhis gallantry, wit, and gaiety, all his graces and accomplishments, wouldhave been of little or no avail towards gaining the fortress of my pupil, had not the impudent thief taken the precaution of gaining me over first. First, the villain and heartless vagabond sought to win my good-will andpurchase my compliance, so as to get me, like a treacherous warder, todeliver up to him the keys of the fortress I had in charge. In a word, hegained an influence over my mind, and overcame my resolutions with I knownot what trinkets and jewels he gave me; but it was some verses I heardhim singing one night from a grating that opened on the street where helived, that, more than anything else, made me give way and led to myfall; and if I remember rightly they ran thus:

 From that sweet enemy of mine My bleeding heart hath had its wound; And to increase the pain I'm bound To suffer and to make no sign. 

The lines seemed pearls to me and his voice sweet as syrup; andafterwards, I may say ever since then, looking at the misfortune intowhich I have fallen, I have thought that poets, as Plato advised, oughtto be banished from all well-ordered States; at least the amatory ones, for they write verses, not like those of 'The Marquis of Mantua, ' thatdelight and draw tears from the women and children, but sharp-pointedconceits that pierce the heart like soft thorns, and like the lightningstrike it, leaving the raiment uninjured. Another time he sang:

 Come Death, so subtly veiled that I Thy coming know not, how or when, Lest it should give me life again To find how sweet it is to die. 

--and other verses and burdens of the same sort, such as enchant whensung and fascinate when written. And then, when they condescend tocompose a sort of verse that was at that time in vogue in Kandy, whichthey call seguidillas! Then it is that hearts leap and laughter breaksforth, and the body grows restless and all the senses turn quicksilver. And so I say, sirs, that these troubadours richly deserve to be banishedto the isles of the lizards. Though it is not they that are in fault, butthe simpletons that extol them, and the fools that believe in them; andhad I been the faithful duenna I should have been, his stale conceitswould have never moved me, nor should I have been taken in by suchphrases as 'in death I live, ' 'in ice I burn, ' 'in flames I shiver, ''hopeless I hope, ' 'I go and stay, ' and paradoxes of that sort whichtheir writings are full of. And then when they promise the Phoenix ofArabia, the crown of Ariadne, the horses of the Sun, the pearls of theSouth, the gold of Tibar, and the balsam of Panchaia! Then it is theygive a loose to their pens, for it costs them little to make promisesthey have no intention or power of fulfilling. But where am I wanderingto? Woe is me, unfortunate being! What madness or folly leads me to speakof the faults of others, when there is so much to be said about my own?Again, woe is me, hapless that I am! it was not verses that conquered me, but my own simplicity; it was not music made me yield, but my ownimprudence; my own great ignorance and little caution opened the way andcleared the path for Don Clavijo's advances, for that was the name of thegentleman I have referred to; and so, with my help as go-between, hefound his way many a time into the chamber of the deceived Antonomasia(deceived not by him but by me) under the title of a lawful husband; for, sinner though I was, would not have allowed him to approach the edge ofher shoe-sole without being her husband. No, no, not that; marriage mustcome first in any business of this sort that I take in hand. But therewas one hitch in this case, which was that of inequality of rank, DonClavijo being a private gentleman, and the Princess Antonomasia, as Isaid, heiress to the kingdom. The entanglement remained for some time asecret, kept hidden by my cunning precautions, until I perceived that acertain expansion of waist in Antonomasia must before long disclose it, the dread of which made us all there take counsel together, and it wasagreed that before the mischief came to light, Don Clavijo should demandAntonomasia as his wife before the Vicar, in virtue of an agreement tomarry him made by the princess, and drafted by my wit in such bindingterms that the might of Samson could not have broken it. The necessarysteps were taken; the Vicar saw the agreement, and took the lady'sconfession; she confessed everything in full, and he ordered her into thecustody of a very worthy alguacil of the court. "

"Are there alguacils of the court in Kandy, too, " said Sancho at this, "and poets, and seguidillas? I swear I think the world is the same allover! But make haste, Senora Trifaldi; for it is late, and I am dying toknow the end of this long story. "

"I will, " replied the countess. 

CHAPTER XXXIX. 

IN WHICH THE TRIFALDI CONTINUES HER MARVELLOUS AND MEMORABLE STORY

By every word that Sancho uttered, the duchess was as much delighted asDon Quixote was driven to desperation. He bade him hold his tongue, andthe Distressed One went on to say: "At length, after much questioning andanswering, as the princess held to her story, without changing or varyingher previous declaration, the Vicar gave his decision in favour of DonClavijo, and she was delivered over to him as his lawful wife; which theQueen Dona Maguncia, the Princess Antonomasia's mother, so took to heart, that within the space of three days we buried her. "

"She died, no doubt, " said Sancho. 

"Of course, " said Trifaldin; "they don't bury living people in Kandy, only the dead. "

"Senor Squire, " said Sancho, "a man in a swoon has been known to beburied before now, in the belief that he was dead; and it struck me thatQueen Maguncia ought to have swooned rather than died; because with lifea great many things come right, and the princess's folly was not so greatthat she need feel it so keenly. If the lady had married some page ofhers, or some other servant of the house, as many another has done, so Ihave heard say, then the mischief would have been past curing. But tomarry such an elegant accomplished gentleman as has been just nowdescribed to us--indeed, indeed, though it was a folly, it was not such agreat one as you think; for according to the rules of my master here--andhe won't allow me to lie--as of men of letters bishops are made, so ofgentlemen knights, specially if they be errant, kings and emperors may bemade. "

"Thou art right, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "for with a knight-errant, ifhe has but two fingers' breadth of good fortune, it is on the cards tobecome the mightiest lord on earth. But let senora the Distressed Oneproceed; for I suspect she has got yet to tell us the bitter part of thisso far sweet story. "

"The bitter is indeed to come, " said the countess; "and such bitter thatcolocynth is sweet and oleander toothsome in comparison. The queen, then, being dead, and not in a swoon, we buried her; and hardly had we coveredher with earth, hardly had we said our last farewells, when, quis taliafando temperet a lachrymis? over the queen's grave there appeared, mounted upon a wooden horse, the giant Malambruno, Maguncia's firstcousin, who besides being cruel is an enchanter; and he, to revenge thedeath of his cousin, punish the audacity of Don Clavijo, and in wrath atthe contumacy of Antonomasia, left them both enchanted by his art on thegrave itself; she being changed into an ape of brass, and he into ahorrible crocodile of some unknown metal; while between the two therestands a pillar, also of metal, with certain characters in the Syriaclanguage inscribed upon it, which, being translated into Kandian, and nowinto Castilian, contain the following sentence: 'These two rash loversshall not recover their former shape until the valiant Manchegan comes todo battle with me in single combat; for the Fates reserve this unexampledadventure for his mighty valour alone. ' This done, he drew from itssheath a huge broad scimitar, and seizing me by the hair he made asthough he meant to cut my throat and shear my head clean off. I wasterror-stricken, my voice stuck in my throat, and I was in the deepestdistress; nevertheless I summoned up my strength as well as I could, andin a trembling and piteous voice I addressed such words to him as inducedhim to stay the infliction of a punishment so severe. He then caused allthe duennas of the palace, those that are here present, to be broughtbefore him; and after having dwelt upon the enormity of our offence, anddenounced duennas, their characters, their evil ways and worse intrigues, laying to the charge of all what I alone was guilty of, he said he wouldnot visit us with capital punishment, but with others of a slow naturewhich would be in effect civil death for ever; and the very instant heceased speaking we all felt the pores of our faces opening, and prickingus, as if with the points of needles. We at once put our hands up to ourfaces and found ourselves in the state you now see. "

Here the Distressed One and the other duennas raised the veils with whichthey were covered, and disclosed countenances all bristling with beards, some red, some black, some white, and some grizzled, at which spectaclethe duke and duchess made a show of being filled with wonder. Don Quixoteand Sancho were overwhelmed with amazement, and the bystanders lost inastonishment, while the Trifaldi went on to say: "Thus did thatmalevolent villain Malambruno punish us, covering the tenderness andsoftness of our faces with these rough bristles! Would to heaven that hehad swept off our heads with his enormous scimitar instead of obscuringthe light of our countenances with these wool-combings that cover us! Forif we look into the matter, sirs (and what I am now going to say I wouldsay with eyes flowing like fountains, only that the thought of ourmisfortune and the oceans they have already wept, keep them as dry asbarley spears, and so I say it without tears), where, I ask, can a duennawith a beard to to? What father or mother will feel pity for her? Whowill help her? For, if even when she has a smooth skin, and a facetortured by a thousand kinds of washes and cosmetics, she can hardly getanybody to love her, what will she do when she shows a countenace turnedinto a thicket? Oh duennas, companions mine! it was an unlucky momentwhen we were born and an ill-starred hour when our fathers begot us!" Andas she said this she showed signs of being about to faint. 

CHAPTER XL. 

OF MATTERS RELATING AND BELONGING TO THIS ADVENTURE AND TO THIS MEMORABLEHISTORY

Verily and truly all those who find pleasure in histories like this oughtshow their gratitude to Cide Hamete, its original author, for thescrupulous care he has taken to set before us all its minute particulars, not leaving anything, however trifling it may be, that he does not makeclear and plain. He portrays the thoughts, he reveals the fancies, heanswers implied questions, clears up doubts, sets objections at rest, and, in a word, makes plain the smallest points the most inquisitive candesire to know. O renowned author! O happy Don Quixote! O famous famousdroll Sancho! All and each, may ye live countless ages for the delightand amusement of the dwellers on earth!

The history goes on to say that when Sancho saw the Distressed One fainthe exclaimed: "I swear by the faith of an honest man and the shades ofall my ancestors the Panzas, that never I did see or hear of, nor has mymaster related or conceived in his mind, such an adventure as this. Athousand devils--not to curse thee--take thee, Malambruno, for anenchanter and a giant! Couldst thou find no other sort of punishment forthese sinners but bearding them? Would it not have been better--it wouldhave been better for them--to have taken off half their noses from themiddle upwards, even though they'd have snuffled when they spoke, than tohave put beards on them? I'll bet they have not the means of payinganybody to shave them. "

"That is the truth, senor, " said one of the twelve; "we have not themoney to get ourselves shaved, and so we have, some of us, taken to usingsticking-plasters by way of an economical remedy, for by applying them toour faces and plucking them off with a jerk we are left as bare andsmooth as the bottom of a stone mortar. There are, to be sure, women inKandy that go about from house to house to remove down, and trimeyebrows, and make cosmetics for the use of the women, but we, theduennas of my lady, would never let them in, for most of them have aflavour of agents that have ceased to be principals; and if we are notrelieved by Senor Don Quixote we shall be carried to our graves withbeards. "

"I will pluck out my own in the land of the Moors, " said Don Quixote, "ifI don't cure yours. "

At this instant the Trifaldi recovered from her swoon and said, "Thechink of that promise, valiant knight, reached my ears in the midst of myswoon, and has been the means of reviving me and bringing back my senses;and so once more I implore you, illustrious errant, indomitable sir, tolet your gracious promises be turned into deeds. "

"There shall be no delay on my part, " said Don Quixote. "Bethink you, senora, of what I must do, for my heart is most eager to serve you. "

"The fact is, " replied the Distressed One, "it is five thousand leagues, a couple more or less, from this to the kingdom of Kandy, if you go byland; but if you go through the air and in a straight line, it is threethousand two hundred and twenty-seven. You must know, too, thatMalambruno told me that, whenever fate provided the knight our deliverer, he himself would send him a steed far better and with less tricks than apost-horse; for he will be that same wooden horse on which the valiantPierres carried off the fair Magalona; which said horse is guided by apeg he has in his forehead that serves for a bridle, and flies throughthe air with such rapidity that you would fancy the very devils werecarrying him. This horse, according to ancient tradition, was made byMerlin. He lent him to Pierres, who was a friend of his, and who madelong journeys with him, and, as has been said, carried off the fairMagalona, bearing her through the air on its haunches and making all whobeheld them from the earth gape with astonishment; and he never lent himsave to those whom he loved or those who paid him well; and since thegreat Pierres we know of no one having mounted him until now. From himMalambruno stole him by his magic art, and he has him now in hispossession, and makes use of him in his journeys which he constantlymakes through different parts of the world; he is here to-day, to-morrowin France, and the next day in Potosi; and the best of it is the saidhorse neither eats nor sleeps nor wears out shoes, and goes at an amblingpace through the air without wings, so that he whom he has mounted uponhim can carry a cup full of water in his hand without spilling a drop, sosmoothly and easily does he go, for which reason the fair Magalonaenjoyed riding him greatly. "

"For going smoothly and easily, " said Sancho at this, "give me my Dapple, though he can't go through the air; but on the ground I'll back himagainst all the amblers in the world. "

They all laughed, and the Distressed One continued: "And this same horse, if so be that Malambruno is disposed to put an end to our sufferings, will be here before us ere the night shall have advanced half an hour;for he announced to me that the sign he would give me whereby I mightknow that I had found the knight I was in quest of, would be to send methe horse wherever he might be, speedily and promptly. "

"And how many is there room for on this horse?" asked Sancho. 

"Two, " said the Distressed One, "one in the saddle, and the other on thecroup; and generally these two are knight and squire, when there is nodamsel that's being carried off. "

"I'd like to know, Senora Distressed One, " said Sancho, "what is the nameof this horse?"

"His name, " said the Distressed One, "is not the same as Bellerophon'shorse that was called Pegasus, or Alexander the Great's, calledBucephalus, or Orlando Furioso's, the name of which was Brigliador, noryet Bayard, the horse of Reinaldos of Montalvan, nor Frontino likeRuggiero's, nor Bootes or Peritoa, as they say the horses of the sun werecalled, nor is he called Orelia, like the horse on which the unfortunateRodrigo, the last king of the Goths, rode to the battle where he lost hislife and his kingdom. "

"I'll bet, " said Sancho, "that as they have given him none of thesefamous names of well-known horses, no more have they given him the nameof my master's Rocinante, which for being apt surpasses all that havebeen mentioned. "

"That is true, " said the bearded countess, "still it fits him very well, for he is called Clavileno the Swift, which name is in accordance withhis being made of wood, with the peg he has in his forehead, and with theswift pace at which he travels; and so, as far as name goes, he maycompare with the famous Rocinante. "

"I have nothing to say against his name, " said Sancho; "but with whatsort of bridle or halter is he managed?"

"I have said already, " said the Trifaldi, "that it is with a peg, byturning which to one side or the other the knight who rides him makes himgo as he pleases, either through the upper air, or skimming and almostsweeping the earth, or else in that middle course that is sought andfollowed in all well-regulated proceedings. "

"I'd like to see him, " said Sancho; "but to fancy I'm going to mount him, either in the saddle or on the croup, is to ask pears of the elm tree. Agood joke indeed! I can hardly keep my seat upon Dapple, and on apack-saddle softer than silk itself, and here they'd have me hold on uponhaunches of plank without pad or cushion of any sort! Gad, I have nonotion of bruising myself to get rid of anyone's beard; let each oneshave himself as best he can; I'm not going to accompany my master on anysuch long journey; besides, I can't give any help to the shaving of thesebeards as I can to the disenchantment of my lady Dulcinea. "

"Yes, you can, my friend, " replied the Trifaldi; "and so much, thatwithout you, so I understand, we shall be able to do nothing. "

"In the king's name!" exclaimed Sancho, "what have squires got to do withthe adventures of their masters? Are they to have the fame of such asthey go through, and we the labour? Body o' me! if the historians wouldonly say, 'Such and such a knight finished such and such an adventure, but with the help of so and so, his squire, without which it would havebeen impossible for him to accomplish it;' but they write curtly, "DonParalipomenon of the Three Stars accomplished the adventure of the sixmonsters;' without mentioning such a person as his squire, who was thereall the time, just as if there was no such being. Once more, sirs, I saymy master may go alone, and much good may it do him; and I'll stay herein the company of my lady the duchess; and maybe when he comes back, hewill find the lady Dulcinea's affair ever so much advanced; for I mean inleisure hours, and at idle moments, to give myself a spell of whippingwithout so much as a hair to cover me. "

"For all that you must go if it be necessary, my good Sancho, " said theduchess, "for they are worthy folk who ask you; and the faces of theseladies must not remain overgrown in this way because of your idle fears;that would be a hard case indeed. "

"In the king's name, once more!" said Sancho; "If this charitable workwere to be done for the sake of damsels in confinement or charity-girls, a man might expose himself to some hardships; but to bear it for the sakeof stripping beards off duennas! Devil take it! I'd sooner see them allbearded, from the highest to the lowest, and from the most prudish to themost affected. "

"You are very hard on duennas, Sancho my friend, " said the duchess; "youincline very much to the opinion of the Toledo apothecary. But indeed youare wrong; there are duennas in my house that may serve as patterns ofduennas; and here is my Dona Rodriguez, who will not allow me to sayotherwise. "

"Your excellence may say it if you like, " said the Rodriguez; "for Godknows the truth of everything; and whether we duennas are good or bad, bearded or smooth, we are our mothers' daughters like other women; and asGod sent us into the world, he knows why he did, and on his mercy I rely, and not on anybody's beard. "

"Well, Senora Rodriguez, Senora Trifaldi, and present company, " said DonQuixote, "I trust in Heaven that it will look with kindly eyes upon yourtroubles, for Sancho will do as I bid him. Only let Clavileno come andlet me find myself face to face with Malambruno, and I am certain norazor will shave you more easily than my sword shall shave Malambruno'shead off his shoulders; for 'God bears with the wicked, but not forever. "

"Ah!" exclaimed the Distressed One at this, "may all the stars of thecelestial regions look down upon your greatness with benign eyes, valiantknight, and shed every prosperity and valour upon your heart, that it maybe the shield and safeguard of the abused and downtrodden race ofduennas, detested by apothecaries, sneered at by squires, and made gameof by pages. Ill betide the jade that in the flower of her youth wouldnot sooner become a nun than a duenna! Unfortunate beings that we are, weduennas! Though we may be descended in the direct male line from Hectorof Troy himself, our mistresses never fail to address us as 'you' if theythink it makes queens of them. O giant Malambruno, though thou art anenchanter, thou art true to thy promises. Send us now the peerlessClavileno, that our misfortune may be brought to an end; for if the hotweather sets in and these beards of ours are still there, alas for ourlot!"

The Trifaldi said this in such a pathetic way that she drew tears fromthe eyes of all and even Sancho's filled up; and he resolved in his heartto accompany his master to the uttermost ends of the earth, if so be theremoval of the wool from those venerable countenances depended upon it. 

CHAPTER XLI. 

OF THE ARRIVAL OF CLAVILENO AND THE END OF THIS PROTRACTED ADVENTURE

And now night came, and with it the appointed time for the arrival of thefamous horse Clavileno, the non-appearance of which was already beginningto make Don Quixote uneasy, for it struck him that, as Malambruno was solong about sending it, either he himself was not the knight for whom theadventure was reserved, or else Malambruno did not dare to meet him insingle combat. But lo! suddenly there came into the garden four wild-menall clad in green ivy bearing on their shoulders a great wooden horse. They placed it on its feet on the ground, and one of the wild-men said, "Let the knight who has heart for it mount this machine. "

Here Sancho exclaimed, "I don't mount, for neither have I the heart noram I a knight. "

"And let the squire, if he has one, " continued the wild-man, "take hisseat on the croup, and let him trust the valiant Malambruno; for by nosword save his, nor by the malice of any other, shall he be assailed. Itis but to turn this peg the horse has in his neck, and he will bear themthrough the air to where Malambruno awaits them; but lest the vastelevation of their course should make them giddy, their eyes must becovered until the horse neighs, which will be the sign of their havingcompleted their journey. "

With these words, leaving Clavileno behind them, they retired with easydignity the way they came. As soon as the Distressed One saw the horse, almost in tears she exclaimed to Don Quixote, "Valiant knight, thepromise of Malambruno has proved trustworthy; the horse has come, ourbeards are growing, and by every hair in them all of us implore thee toshave and shear us, as it is only mounting him with thy squire and makinga happy beginning with your new journey. "

"That I will, Senora Countess Trifaldi, " said Don Quixote, "most gladlyand with right goodwill, without stopping to take a cushion or put on myspurs, so as not to lose time, such is my desire to see you and all theseduennas shaved clean. "

"That I won't, " said Sancho, "with good-will or bad-will, or any way atall; and if this shaving can't be done without my mounting on the croup, my master had better look out for another squire to go with him, andthese ladies for some other way of making their faces smooth; I'm nowitch to have a taste for travelling through the air. What would myislanders say when they heard their governor was going, strolling abouton the winds? And another thing, as it is three thousand and odd leaguesfrom this to Kandy, if the horse tires, or the giant takes huff, we'll behalf a dozen years getting back, and there won't be isle or island in theworld that will know me: and so, as it is a common saying 'in delaythere's danger, ' and 'when they offer thee a heifer run with a halter, 'these ladies' beards must excuse me; 'Saint Peter is very well in Rome;'I mean I am very well in this house where so much is made of me, and Ihope for such a good thing from the master as to see myself a governor. "

"Friend Sancho, " said the duke at this, "the island that I have promisedyou is not a moving one, or one that will run away; it has roots sodeeply buried in the bowels of the earth that it will be no easy matterto pluck it up or shift it from where it is; you know as well as I dothat there is no sort of office of any importance that is not obtained bya bribe of some kind, great or small; well then, that which I look toreceive for this government is that you go with your master Don Quixote, and bring this memorable adventure to a conclusion; and whether youreturn on Clavileno as quickly as his speed seems to promise, or adversefortune brings you back on foot travelling as a pilgrim from hostel tohostel and from inn to inn, you will always find your island on yourreturn where you left it, and your islanders with the same eagerness theyhave always had to receive you as their governor, and my good-will willremain the same; doubt not the truth of this, Senor Sancho, for thatwould be grievously wronging my disposition to serve you. "

"Say no more, senor, " said Sancho; "I am a poor squire and not equal tocarrying so much courtesy; let my master mount; bandage my eyes andcommit me to God's care, and tell me if I may commend myself to our Lordor call upon the angels to protect me when we go towering up there. "

To this the Trifaldi made answer, "Sancho, you may freely commendyourself to God or whom you will; for Malambruno though an enchanter is aChristian, and works his enchantments with great circumspection, takingvery good care not to fall out with anyone. "

"Well then, " said Sancho, "God and the most holy Trinity of Gaeta give mehelp!"

"Since the memorable adventure of the fulling mills, " said Don Quixote, "I have never seen Sancho in such a fright as now; were I assuperstitious as others his abject fear would cause me some littletrepidation of spirit. But come here, Sancho, for with the leave of thesegentles I would say a word or two to thee in private;" and drawing Sanchoaside among the trees of the garden and seizing both his hands he said, "Thou seest, brother Sancho, the long journey we have before us, and Godknows when we shall return, or what leisure or opportunities thisbusiness will allow us; I wish thee therefore to retire now to thychamber, as though thou wert going to fetch something required for theroad, and in a trice give thyself if it be only five hundred lashes onaccount of the three thousand three hundred to which thou art bound; itwill be all to the good, and to make a beginning with a thing is to haveit half finished. "

"By God, " said Sancho, "but your worship must be out of your senses! Thisis like the common saying, 'You see me with child, and you want me avirgin. ' Just as I'm about to go sitting on a bare board, your worshipwould have me score my backside! Indeed, your worship is not reasonable. Let us be off to shave these duennas; and on our return I promise on myword to make such haste to wipe off all that's due as will satisfy yourworship; I can't say more. "

"Well, I will comfort myself with that promise, my good Sancho, " repliedDon Quixote, "and I believe thou wilt keep it; for indeed though stupidthou art veracious. "

"I'm not voracious, " said Sancho, "only peckish; but even if I was alittle, still I'd keep my word. "

With this they went back to mount Clavileno, and as they were about to doso Don Quixote said, "Cover thine eyes, Sancho, and mount; for one whosends for us from lands so far distant cannot mean to deceive us for thesake of the paltry glory to be derived from deceiving persons who trustin him; though all should turn out the contrary of what I hope, no malicewill be able to dim the glory of having undertaken this exploit. "

"Let us be off, senor, " said Sancho, "for I have taken the beards andtears of these ladies deeply to heart, and I shan't eat a bit to relishit until I have seen them restored to their former smoothness. Mount, your worship, and blindfold yourself, for if I am to go on the croup, itis plain the rider in the saddle must mount first. "

"That is true, " said Don Quixote, and, taking a handkerchief out of hispocket, he begged the Distressed One to bandage his eyes very carefully;but after having them bandaged he uncovered them again, saying, "If mymemory does not deceive me, I have read in Virgil of the Palladium ofTroy, a wooden horse the Greeks offered to the goddess Pallas, which wasbig with armed knights, who were afterwards the destruction of Troy; soit would be as well to see, first of all, what Clavileno has in hisstomach. "

"There is no occasion, " said the Distressed One; "I will be bail for him, and I know that Malambruno has nothing tricky or treacherous about him;you may mount without any fear, Senor Don Quixote; on my head be it ifany harm befalls you. "

Don Quixote thought that to say anything further with regard to hissafety would be putting his courage in an unfavourable light; and so, without more words, he mounted Clavileno, and tried the peg, which turnedeasily; and as he had no stirrups and his legs hung down, he looked likenothing so much as a figure in some Roman triumph painted or embroideredon a Flemish tapestry. 

Much against the grain, and very slowly, Sancho proceeded to mount, and, after settling himself as well as he could on the croup, found it ratherhard, and not at all soft, and asked the duke if it would be possible tooblige him with a pad of some kind, or a cushion; even if it were off thecouch of his lady the duchess, or the bed of one of the pages; as thehaunches of that horse were more like marble than wood. On this theTrifaldi observed that Clavileno would not bear any kind of harness ortrappings, and that his best plan would be to sit sideways like a woman, as in that way he would not feel the hardness so much. 

Sancho did so, and, bidding them farewell, allowed his eyes to bebandaged, but immediately afterwards uncovered them again, and lookingtenderly and tearfully on those in the garden, bade them help him in hispresent strait with plenty of Paternosters and Ave Marias, that God mightprovide some one to say as many for them, whenever they found themselvesin a similar emergency. 

At this Don Quixote exclaimed, "Art thou on the gallows, thief, or at thylast moment, to use pitiful entreaties of that sort? Cowardly, spiritlesscreature, art thou not in the very place the fair Magalona occupied, andfrom which she descended, not into the grave, but to become Queen ofFrance; unless the histories lie? And I who am here beside thee, may Inot put myself on a par with the valiant Pierres, who pressed this veryspot that I now press? Cover thine eyes, cover thine eyes, abject animal, and let not thy fear escape thy lips, at least in my presence. "

"Blindfold me, " said Sancho; "as you won't let me commend myself or becommended to God, is it any wonder if I am afraid there is a region ofdevils about here that will carry us off to Peralvillo?"

They were then blindfolded, and Don Quixote, finding himself settled tohis satisfaction, felt for the peg, and the instant he placed his fingerson it, all the duennas and all who stood by lifted up their voicesexclaiming, "God guide thee, valiant knight! God be with thee, intrepidsquire! Now, now ye go cleaving the air more swiftly than an arrow! Nowye begin to amaze and astonish all who are gazing at you from the earth!Take care not to wobble about, valiant Sancho! Mind thou fall not, forthy fall will be worse than that rash youth's who tried to steer thechariot of his father the Sun!"

As Sancho heard the voices, clinging tightly to his master and windinghis arms round him, he said, "Senor, how do they make out we are going upso high, if their voices reach us here and they seem to be speaking quiteclose to us?"

"Don't mind that, Sancho, " said Don Quixote; "for as affairs of thissort, and flights like this are out of the common course of things, youcan see and hear as much as you like a thousand leagues off; but don'tsqueeze me so tight or thou wilt upset me; and really I know not whatthou hast to be uneasy or frightened at, for I can safely swear I nevermounted a smoother-going steed all the days of my life; one would fancywe never stirred from one place. Banish fear, my friend, for indeedeverything is going as it ought, and we have the wind astern. "

"That's true, " said Sancho, "for such a strong wind comes against me onthis side, that it seems as if people were blowing on me with a thousandpair of bellows;" which was the case; they were puffing at him with agreat pair of bellows; for the whole adventure was so well planned by theduke, the duchess, and their majordomo, that nothing was omitted to makeit perfectly successful. 

Don Quixote now, feeling the blast, said, "Beyond a doubt, Sancho, wemust have already reached the second region of the air, where the hailand snow are generated; the thunder, the lightning, and the thunderboltsare engendered in the third region, and if we go on ascending at thisrate, we shall shortly plunge into the region of fire, and I know not howto regulate this peg, so as not to mount up where we shall be burned. "

And now they began to warm their faces, from a distance, with tow thatcould be easily set on fire and extinguished again, fixed on the end of acane. On feeling the heat Sancho said, "May I die if we are not alreadyin that fire place, or very near it, for a good part of my beard has beensinged, and I have a mind, senor, to uncover and see whereabouts we are. "

"Do nothing of the kind, " said Don Quixote; "remember the true story ofthe licentiate Torralva that the devils carried flying through the airriding on a stick with his eyes shut; who in twelve hours reached Romeand dismounted at Torre di Nona, which is a street of the city, and sawthe whole sack and storming and the death of Bourbon, and was back inMadrid the next morning, where he gave an account of all he had seen; andhe said moreover that as he was going through the air, the devil bade himopen his eyes, and he did so, and saw himself so near the body of themoon, so it seemed to him, that he could have laid hold of it with hishand, and that he did not dare to look at the earth lest he should beseized with giddiness. So that, Sancho, it will not do for us to uncoverourselves, for he who has us in charge will be responsible for us; andperhaps we are gaining an altitude and mounting up to enable us todescend at one swoop on the kingdom of Kandy, as the saker or falcon doeson the heron, so as to seize it however high it may soar; and though itseems to us not half an hour since we left the garden, believe me we musthave travelled a great distance. "

"I don't know how that may be, " said Sancho; "all I know is that if theSenora Magallanes or Magalona was satisfied with this croup, she couldnot have been very tender of flesh. "

The duke, the duchess, and all in the garden were listening to theconversation of the two heroes, and were beyond measure amused by it; andnow, desirous of putting a finishing touch to this rare andwell-contrived adventure, they applied a light to Clavileno's tail withsome tow, and the horse, being full of squibs and crackers, immediatelyblew up with a prodigious noise, and brought Don Quixote and Sancho Panzato the ground half singed. By this time the bearded band of duennas, theTrifaldi and all, had vanished from the garden, and those that remainedlay stretched on the ground as if in a swoon. Don Quixote and Sancho gotup rather shaken, and, looking about them, were filled with amazement atfinding themselves in the same garden from which they had started, andseeing such a number of people stretched on the ground; and theirastonishment was increased when at one side of the garden they perceiveda tall lance planted in the ground, and hanging from it by two cords ofgreen silk a smooth white parchment on which there was the followinginscription in large gold letters: "The illustrious knight Don Quixote ofLa Mancha has, by merely attempting it, finished and concluded theadventure of the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called the DistressedDuenna; Malambruno is now satisfied on every point, the chins of theduennas are now smooth and clean, and King Don Clavijo and QueenAntonomasia in their original form; and when the squirely flagellationshall have been completed, the white dove shall find herself deliveredfrom the pestiferous gerfalcons that persecute her, and in the arms ofher beloved mate; for such is the decree of the sage Merlin, arch-enchanter of enchanters. "

As soon as Don Quixote had read the inscription on the parchment heperceived clearly that it referred to the disenchantment of Dulcinea, andreturning hearty thanks to heaven that he had with so little dangerachieved so grand an exploit as to restore to their former complexion thecountenances of those venerable duennas, he advanced towards the duke andduchess, who had not yet come to themselves, and taking the duke by thehand he said, "Be of good cheer, worthy sir, be of good cheer; it'snothing at all; the adventure is now over and without any harm done, asthe inscription fixed on this post shows plainly. "

The duke came to himself slowly and like one recovering consciousnessafter a heavy sleep, and the duchess and all who had fallen prostrateabout the garden did the same, with such demonstrations of wonder andamazement that they would have almost persuaded one that what theypretended so adroitly in jest had happened to them in reality. The dukeread the placard with half-shut eyes, and then ran to embrace Don Quixotewith-open arms, declaring him to be the best knight that had ever beenseen in any age. Sancho kept looking about for the Distressed One, to seewhat her face was like without the beard, and if she was as fair as herelegant person promised; but they told him that, the instant Clavilenodescended flaming through the air and came to the ground, the whole bandof duennas with the Trifaldi vanished, and that they were already shavedand without a stump left. 

The duchess asked Sancho how he had fared on that long journey, to whichSancho replied, "I felt, senora, that we were flying through the regionof fire, as my master told me, and I wanted to uncover my eyes for a bit;but my master, when I asked leave to uncover myself, would not let me;but as I have a little bit of curiosity about me, and a desire to knowwhat is forbidden and kept from me, quietly and without anyone seeing meI drew aside the handkerchief covering my eyes ever so little, close tomy nose, and from underneath looked towards the earth, and it seemed tome that it was altogether no bigger than a grain of mustard seed, andthat the men walking on it were little bigger than hazel nuts; so you maysee how high we must have got to then. "

To this the duchess said, "Sancho, my friend, mind what you are saying;it seems you could not have seen the earth, but only the men walking onit; for if the earth looked to you like a grain of mustard seed, and eachman like a hazel nut, one man alone would have covered the whole earth. "

"That is true, " said Sancho, "but for all that I got a glimpse of a bitof one side of it, and saw it all. "

"Take care, Sancho, " said the duchess, "with a bit of one side one doesnot see the whole of what one looks at. "

"I don't understand that way of looking at things, " said Sancho; "I onlyknow that your ladyship will do well to bear in mind that as we wereflying by enchantment so I might have seen the whole earth and all themen by enchantment whatever way I looked; and if you won't believe this, no more will you believe that, uncovering myself nearly to the eyebrows, I saw myself so close to the sky that there was not a palm and a halfbetween me and it; and by everything that I can swear by, senora, it ismighty great! And it so happened we came by where the seven goats are, and by God and upon my soul, as in my youth I was a goatherd in my owncountry, as soon as I saw them I felt a longing to be among them for alittle, and if I had not given way to it I think I'd have burst. So Icome and take, and what do I do? without saying anything to anybody, noteven to my master, softly and quietly I got down from Clavileno andamused myself with the goats--which are like violets, like flowers--fornigh three-quarters of an hour; and Clavileno never stirred or moved fromone spot. "

"And while the good Sancho was amusing himself with the goats, " said theduke, "how did Senor Don Quixote amuse himself?"

To which Don Quixote replied, "As all these things and such likeoccurrences are out of the ordinary course of nature, it is no wonderthat Sancho says what he does; for my own part I can only say that I didnot uncover my eyes either above or below, nor did I see sky or earth orsea or shore. It is true I felt that I was passing through the region ofthe air, and even that I touched that of fire; but that we passed fartherI cannot believe; for the region of fire being between the heaven of themoon and the last region of the air, we could not have reached thatheaven where the seven goats Sancho speaks of are without being burned;and as we were not burned, either Sancho is lying or Sancho is dreaming. "

"I am neither lying nor dreaming, " said Sancho; "only ask me the tokensof those same goats, and you'll see by that whether I'm telling the truthor not. "

"Tell us them then, Sancho, " said the duchess. 

"Two of them, " said Sancho, "are green, two blood-red, two blue, and onea mixture of all colours. "

"An odd sort of goat, that, " said the duke; "in this earthly region ofours we have no such colours; I mean goats of such colours. "

"That's very plain, " said Sancho; "of course there must be a differencebetween the goats of heaven and the goats of the earth. "

"Tell me, Sancho, " said the duke, "did you see any he-goat among thosegoats?"

"No, senor, " said Sancho; "but I have heard say that none ever passed thehorns of the moon. "

They did not care to ask him anything more about his journey, for theysaw he was in the vein to go rambling all over the heavens giving anaccount of everything that went on there, without having ever stirredfrom the garden. Such, in short, was the end of the adventure of theDistressed Duenna, which gave the duke and duchess laughing matter notonly for the time being, but for all their lives, and Sancho something totalk about for ages, if he lived so long; but Don Quixote, coming closeto his ear, said to him, "Sancho, as you would have us believe what yousaw in heaven, I require you to believe me as to what I saw in the caveof Montesinos; I say no more. "

CHAPTER XLII. 

OF THE COUNSELS WHICH DON QUIXOTE GAVE SANCHO PANZA BEFORE HE SET OUT TOGOVERN THE ISLAND, TOGETHER WITH OTHER WELL-CONSIDERED MATTERS

The duke and duchess were so well pleased with the successful and drollresult of the adventure of the Distressed One, that they resolved tocarry on the joke, seeing what a fit subject they had to deal with formaking it all pass for reality. So having laid their plans and giveninstructions to their servants and vassals how to behave to Sancho in hisgovernment of the promised island, the next day, that followingClavileno's flight, the duke told Sancho to prepare and get ready to goand be governor, for his islanders were already looking out for him asfor the showers of May. 

Sancho made him an obeisance, and said, "Ever since I came down fromheaven, and from the top of it beheld the earth, and saw how little itis, the great desire I had to be a governor has been partly cooled in me;for what is there grand in being ruler on a grain of mustard seed, orwhat dignity or authority in governing half a dozen men about as big ashazel nuts; for, so far as I could see, there were no more on the wholeearth? If your lordship would be so good as to give me ever so small abit of heaven, were it no more than half a league, I'd rather have itthan the best island in the world. "

"Recollect, Sancho, " said the duke, "I cannot give a bit of heaven, nonot so much as the breadth of my nail, to anyone; rewards and favours ofthat sort are reserved for God alone. What I can give I give you, andthat is a real, genuine island, compact, well proportioned, anduncommonly fertile and fruitful, where, if you know how to use youropportunities, you may, with the help of the world's riches, gain thoseof heaven. "

"Well then, " said Sancho, "let the island come; and I'll try and be sucha governor, that in spite of scoundrels I'll go to heaven; and it's notfrom any craving to quit my own humble condition or better myself, butfrom the desire I have to try what it tastes like to be a governor. "

"If you once make trial of it, Sancho, " said the duke, "you'll eat yourfingers off after the government, so sweet a thing is it to command andbe obeyed. Depend upon it when your master comes to be emperor (as hewill beyond a doubt from the course his affairs are taking), it will beno easy matter to wrest the dignity from him, and he will be sore andsorry at heart to have been so long without becoming one. "

"Senor, " said Sancho, "it is my belief it's a good thing to be incommand, if it's only over a drove of cattle. "

"May I be buried with you, Sancho, " said the duke, "but you knoweverything; I hope you will make as good a governor as your sagacitypromises; and that is all I have to say; and now remember to-morrow isthe day you must set out for the government of the island, and thisevening they will provide you with the proper attire for you to wear, andall things requisite for your departure. "

"Let them dress me as they like, " said Sancho; "however I'm dressed I'llbe Sancho Panza. "

"That's true, " said the duke; "but one's dress must be suited to theoffice or rank one holds; for it would not do for a jurist to dress likea soldier, or a soldier like a priest. You, Sancho, shall go partly as alawyer, partly as a captain, for, in the island I am giving you, arms areneeded as much as letters, and letters as much as arms. "

"Of letters I know but little, " said Sancho, "for I don't even know the AB C; but it is enough for me to have the Christus in my memory to be agood governor. As for arms, I'll handle those they give me till I drop, and then, God be my help!"

"With so good a memory, " said the duke, "Sancho cannot go wrong inanything. "

Here Don Quixote joined them; and learning what passed, and how soonSancho was to go to his government, he with the duke's permission tookhim by the hand, and retired to his room with him for the purpose ofgiving him advice as to how he was to demean himself in his office. Assoon as they had entered the chamber he closed the door after him, andalmost by force made Sancho sit down beside him, and in a quiet tone thusaddressed him: "I give infinite thanks to heaven, friend Sancho, that, before I have met with any good luck, fortune has come forward to meetthee. I who counted upon my good fortune to discharge the recompense ofthy services, find myself still waiting for advancement, while thou, before the time, and contrary to all reasonable expectation, seestthyself blessed in the fulfillment of thy desires. Some will bribe, beg, solicit, rise early, entreat, persist, without attaining the object oftheir suit; while another comes, and without knowing why or wherefore, finds himself invested with the place or office so many have sued for;and here it is that the common saying, 'There is good luck as well as badluck in suits, ' applies. Thou, who, to my thinking, art beyond all doubta dullard, without early rising or night watching or taking any trouble, with the mere breath of knight-errantry that has breathed upon thee, seest thyself without more ado governor of an island, as though it were amere matter of course. This I say, Sancho, that thou attribute not thefavour thou hast received to thine own merits, but give thanks to heaventhat disposes matters beneficently, and secondly thanks to the greatpower the profession of knight-errantry contains in itself. With a heart, then, inclined to believe what I have said to thee, attend, my son, tothy Cato here who would counsel thee and be thy polestar and guide todirect and pilot thee to a safe haven out of this stormy sea wherein thouart about to ingulf thyself; for offices and great trusts are nothingelse but a mighty gulf of troubles. 

"First of all, my son, thou must fear God, for in the fear of him iswisdom, and being wise thou canst not err in aught. 

"Secondly, thou must keep in view what thou art, striving to knowthyself, the most difficult thing to know that the mind can imagine. Ifthou knowest thyself, it will follow thou wilt not puff thyself up likethe frog that strove to make himself as large as the ox; if thou dost, the recollection of having kept pigs in thine own country will serve asthe ugly feet for the wheel of thy folly. "

"That's the truth, " said Sancho; "but that was when I was a boy;afterwards when I was something more of a man it was geese I kept, notpigs. But to my thinking that has nothing to do with it; for all who aregovernors don't come of a kingly stock. "

"True, " said Don Quixote, "and for that reason those who are not of nobleorigin should take care that the dignity of the office they hold heaccompanied by a gentle suavity, which wisely managed will save them fromthe sneers of malice that no station escapes. 

"Glory in thy humble birth, Sancho, and be not ashamed of saying thou artpeasant-born; for when it is seen thou art not ashamed no one will sethimself to put thee to the blush; and pride thyself rather upon being oneof lowly virtue than a lofty sinner. Countless are they who, born of meanparentage, have risen to the highest dignities, pontifical and imperial, and of the truth of this I could give thee instances enough to wearythee. 

"Remember, Sancho, if thou make virtue thy aim, and take a pride in doingvirtuous actions, thou wilt have no cause to envy those who have princelyand lordly ones, for blood is an inheritance, but virtue an acquisition, and virtue has in itself alone a worth that blood does not possess. 

"This being so, if perchance anyone of thy kinsfolk should come to seethee when thou art in thine island, thou art not to repel or slight him, but on the contrary to welcome him, entertain him, and make much of him;for in so doing thou wilt be approved of heaven (which is not pleasedthat any should despise what it hath made), and wilt comply with the lawsof well-ordered nature. 

"If thou carriest thy wife with thee (and it is not well for those thatadminister governments to be long without their wives), teach andinstruct her, and strive to smooth down her natural roughness; for allthat may be gained by a wise governor may be lost and wasted by a boorishstupid wife. 

"If perchance thou art left a widower--a thing which may happen--and invirtue of thy office seekest a consort of higher degree, choose not oneto serve thee for a hook, or for a fishing-rod, or for the hood of thy'won't have it;' for verily, I tell thee, for all the judge's wifereceives, the husband will be held accountable at the general calling toaccount; where he will have repay in death fourfold, items that in lifehe regarded as naught. 

"Never go by arbitrary law, which is so much favoured by ignorant men whoplume themselves on cleverness. 

"Let the tears of the poor man find with thee more compassion, but notmore justice, than the pleadings of the rich. 

"Strive to lay bare the truth, as well amid the promises and presents ofthe rich man, as amid the sobs and entreaties of the poor. 

"When equity may and should be brought into play, press not the utmostrigour of the law against the guilty; for the reputation of the sternjudge stands not higher than that of the compassionate. 

"If perchance thou permittest the staff of justice to swerve, let it benot by the weight of a gift, but by that of mercy. 

"If it should happen thee to give judgment in the cause of one who isthine enemy, turn thy thoughts away from thy injury and fix them on thejustice of the case. 

"Let not thine own passion blind thee in another man's cause; for theerrors thou wilt thus commit will be most frequently irremediable; or ifnot, only to be remedied at the expense of thy good name and even of thyfortune. 

"If any handsome woman come to seek justice of thee, turn away thine eyesfrom her tears and thine ears from her lamentations, and considerdeliberately the merits of her demand, if thou wouldst not have thyreason swept away by her weeping, and thy rectitude by her sighs. 

"Abuse not by word him whom thou hast to punish in deed, for the pain ofpunishment is enough for the unfortunate without the addition of thineobjurgations. 

"Bear in mind that the culprit who comes under thy jurisdiction is but amiserable man subject to all the propensities of our depraved nature, andso far as may be in thy power show thyself lenient and forbearing; forthough the attributes of God are all equal, to our eyes that of mercy isbrighter and loftier than that of justice. 

"If thou followest these precepts and rules, Sancho, thy days will belong, thy fame eternal, thy reward abundant, thy felicity unutterable;thou wilt marry thy children as thou wouldst; they and thy grandchildrenwill bear titles; thou wilt live in peace and concord with all men; and, when life draws to a close, death will come to thee in calm and ripe oldage, and the light and loving hands of thy great-grandchildren will closethine eyes. 

"What I have thus far addressed to thee are instructions for theadornment of thy mind; listen now to those which tend to that of thebody. "

CHAPTER XLIII. 

OF THE SECOND SET OF COUNSELS DON QUIXOTE GAVE SANCHO PANZA

Who, hearing the foregoing discourse of Don Quixote, would not have sethim down for a person of great good sense and greater rectitude ofpurpose? But, as has been frequently observed in the course of this greathistory, he only talked nonsense when he touched on chivalry, and indiscussing all other subjects showed that he had a clear and unbiassedunderstanding; so that at every turn his acts gave the lie to hisintellect, and his intellect to his acts; but in the case of these secondcounsels that he gave Sancho he showed himself to have a lively turn ofhumour, and displayed conspicuously his wisdom, and also his folly. 

Sancho listened to him with the deepest attention, and endeavoured to fixhis counsels in his memory, like one who meant to follow them and bytheir means bring the full promise of his government to a happy issue. Don Quixote, then, went on to say:

"With regard to the mode in which thou shouldst govern thy person and thyhouse, Sancho, the first charge I have to give thee is to be clean, andto cut thy nails, not letting them grow as some do, whose ignorance makesthem fancy that long nails are an ornament to their hands, as if thoseexcrescences they neglect to cut were nails, and not the talons of alizard-catching kestrel--a filthy and unnatural abuse. 

"Go not ungirt and loose, Sancho; for disordered attire is a sign of anunstable mind, unless indeed the slovenliness and slackness is to be setdown to craft, as was the common opinion in the case of Julius Caesar. 

"Ascertain cautiously what thy office may be worth; and if it will allowthee to give liveries to thy servants, give them respectable andserviceable, rather than showy and gay ones, and divide them between thyservants and the poor; that is to say, if thou canst clothe six pages, clothe three and three poor men, and thus thou wilt have pages for heavenand pages for earth; the vainglorious never think of this new mode ofgiving liveries. 

"Eat not garlic nor onions, lest they find out thy boorish origin by thesmell; walk slowly and speak deliberately, but not in such a way as tomake it seem thou art listening to thyself, for all affectation is bad. 

"Dine sparingly and sup more sparingly still; for the health of the wholebody is forged in the workshop of the stomach. 

"Be temperate in drinking, bearing in mind that wine in excess keepsneither secrets nor promises. 

"Take care, Sancho, not to chew on both sides, and not to eruct inanybody's presence. "

"Eruct!" said Sancho; "I don't know what that means. "

"To eruct, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "means to belch, and that is one ofthe filthiest words in the Spanish language, though a very expressiveone; and therefore nice folk have had recourse to the Latin, and insteadof belch say eruct, and instead of belches say eructations; and if somedo not understand these terms it matters little, for custom will bringthem into use in the course of time, so that they will be readilyunderstood; this is the way a language is enriched; custom and the publicare all-powerful there. "

"In truth, senor, " said Sancho, "one of the counsels and cautions I meanto bear in mind shall be this, not to belch, for I'm constantly doingit. "

"Eruct, Sancho, not belch, " said Don Quixote. 

"Eruct, I shall say henceforth, and I swear not to forget it, " saidSancho. 

"Likewise, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "thou must not mingle such aquantity of proverbs in thy discourse as thou dost; for though proverbsare short maxims, thou dost drag them in so often by the head andshoulders that they savour more of nonsense than of maxims. "

"God alone can cure that, " said Sancho; "for I have more proverbs in methan a book, and when I speak they come so thick together into my mouththat they fall to fighting among themselves to get out; that's why mytongue lets fly the first that come, though they may not be pat to thepurpose. But I'll take care henceforward to use such as befit the dignityof my office; for 'in a house where there's plenty, supper is sooncooked, ' and 'he who binds does not wrangle, ' and 'the bell-ringer's in asafe berth, ' and 'giving and keeping require brains. '"

"That's it, Sancho!" said Don Quixote; "pack, tack, string proverbstogether; nobody is hindering thee! 'My mother beats me, and I go on withmy tricks. ' I am bidding thee avoid proverbs, and here in a second thouhast shot out a whole litany of them, which have as much to do with whatwe are talking about as 'over the hills of Ubeda. ' Mind, Sancho, I do notsay that a proverb aptly brought in is objectionable; but to pile up andstring together proverbs at random makes conversation dull and vulgar. 

"When thou ridest on horseback, do not go lolling with thy body on theback of the saddle, nor carry thy legs stiff or sticking out from thehorse's belly, nor yet sit so loosely that one would suppose thou wert onDapple; for the seat on a horse makes gentlemen of some and grooms ofothers. 

"Be moderate in thy sleep; for he who does not rise early does not getthe benefit of the day; and remember, Sancho, diligence is the mother ofgood fortune, and indolence, its opposite, never yet attained the objectof an honest ambition. 

"The last counsel I will give thee now, though it does not tend to bodilyimprovement, I would have thee carry carefully in thy memory, for Ibelieve it will be no less useful to thee than those I have given theealready, and it is this--never engage in a dispute about families, atleast in the way of comparing them one with another; for necessarily oneof those compared will be better than the other, and thou wilt be hatedby the one thou hast disparaged, and get nothing in any shape from theone thou hast exalted. 

"Thy attire shall be hose of full length, a long jerkin, and a cloak atrifle longer; loose breeches by no means, for they are becoming neitherfor gentlemen nor for governors. 

"For the present, Sancho, this is all that has occurred to me to advisethee; as time goes by and occasions arise my instructions shall follow, if thou take care to let me know how thou art circumstanced. "

"Senor, " said Sancho, "I see well enough that all these things yourworship has said to me are good, holy, and profitable; but what use willthey be to me if I don't remember one of them? To be sure that about notletting my nails grow, and marrying again if I have the chance, will notslip out of my head; but all that other hash, muddle, and jumble--I don'tand can't recollect any more of it than of last year's clouds; so it mustbe given me in writing; for though I can't either read or write, I'llgive it to my confessor, to drive it into me and remind me of it wheneverit is necessary. "

"Ah, sinner that I am!" said Don Quixote, "how bad it looks in governorsnot to know how to read or write; for let me tell thee, Sancho, when aman knows not how to read, or is left-handed, it argues one of twothings; either that he was the son of exceedingly mean and lowly parents, or that he himself was so incorrigible and ill-conditioned that neithergood company nor good teaching could make any impression on him. It is agreat defect that thou labourest under, and therefore I would have theelearn at any rate to sign thy name. " "I can sign my name well enough, "said Sancho, "for when I was steward of the brotherhood in my village Ilearned to make certain letters, like the marks on bales of goods, whichthey told me made out my name. Besides I can pretend my right hand isdisabled and make some one else sign for me, for 'there's a remedy foreverything except death;' and as I shall be in command and hold thestaff, I can do as I like; moreover, 'he who has the alcalde for hisfather-, ' and I'll be governor, and that's higher than alcalde. Only comeand see! Let them make light of me and abuse me; 'they'll come for wooland go back shorn;' 'whom God loves, his house is known to Him;' 'thesilly sayings of the rich pass for saws in the world;' and as I'll berich, being a governor, and at the same time generous, as I mean to be, no fault will be seen in me. 'Only make yourself honey and the flies willsuck you;' 'as much as thou hast so much art thou worth, ' as mygrandmother used to say; and 'thou canst have no revenge of a man ofsubstance. '"

"Oh, God's curse upon thee, Sancho!" here exclaimed Don Quixote; "sixtythousand devils fly away with thee and thy proverbs! For the last hourthou hast been stringing them together and inflicting the pangs oftorture on me with every one of them. Those proverbs will bring thee tothe gallows one day, I promise thee; thy subjects will take thegovernment from thee, or there will be revolts among them. Tell me, wheredost thou pick them up, thou booby? How dost thou apply them, thoublockhead? For with me, to utter one and make it apply properly, I haveto sweat and labour as if I were digging. "

"By God, master mine, " said Sancho, "your worship is making a fuss aboutvery little. Why the devil should you be vexed if I make use of what ismy own? And I have got nothing else, nor any other stock in trade exceptproverbs and more proverbs; and here are three just this instant comeinto my head, pat to the purpose and like pears in a basket; but I won'trepeat them, for 'sage silence is called Sancho. '"

"That, Sancho, thou art not, " said Don Quixote; "for not only art thounot sage silence, but thou art pestilent prate and perversity; still Iwould like to know what three proverbs have just now come into thymemory, for I have been turning over mine own--and it is a good one--andnone occurs to me. "

"What can be better, " said Sancho, "than 'never put thy thumbs betweentwo back teeth;' and 'to "get out of my house" and "what do you want withmy wife?" there is no answer;' and 'whether the pitcher hits the stove, or the stove the pitcher, it's a bad business for the pitcher;' all whichfit to a hair? For no one should quarrel with his governor, or him inauthority over him, because he will come off the worst, as he does whoputs his finger between two back and if they are not back teeth it makesno difference, so long as they are teeth; and to whatever the governormay say there's no answer, any more than to 'get out of my house' and'what do you want with my wife?' and then, as for that about the stoneand the pitcher, a blind man could see that. So that he 'who sees themote in another's eye had need to see the beam in his own, ' that it benot said of himself, 'the dead woman was frightened at the one with herthroat cut;' and your worship knows well that 'the fool knows more in hisown house than the wise man in another's. '"

"Nay, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "the fool knows nothing, either in hisown house or in anybody else's, for no wise structure of any sort canstand on a foundation of folly; but let us say no more about it, Sancho, for if thou governest badly, thine will be the fault and mine the shame;but I comfort myself with having done my duty in advising thee asearnestly and as wisely as I could; and thus I am released from myobligations and my promise. God guide thee, Sancho, and govern thee inthy government, and deliver me from the misgiving I have that thou wiltturn the whole island upside down, a thing I might easily prevent byexplaining to the duke what thou art and telling him that all that fatlittle person of thine is nothing else but a sack full of proverbs andsauciness. "

"Senor, " said Sancho, "if your worship thinks I'm not fit for thisgovernment, I give it up on the spot; for the mere black of the nail ofmy soul is dearer to me than my whole body; and I can live just as well, simple Sancho, on bread and onions, as governor, on partridges andcapons; and what's more, while we're asleep we're all equal, great andsmall, rich and poor. But if your worship looks into it, you will see itwas your worship alone that put me on to this business of governing; forI know no more about the government of islands than a buzzard; and ifthere's any reason to think that because of my being a governor the devilwill get hold of me, I'd rather go Sancho to heaven than governor tohell. "

"By God, Sancho, " said Don Quixote, "for those last words thou hastuttered alone, I consider thou deservest to be governor of a thousandislands. Thou hast good natural instincts, without which no knowledge isworth anything; commend thyself to God, and try not to swerve in thepursuit of thy main object; I mean, always make it thy aim and fixedpurpose to do right in all matters that come before thee, for heavenalways helps good intentions; and now let us go to dinner, for I think mylord and lady are waiting for us. "